The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1910-11-04
THEORY AND
PRACTICE

Benny lived in the land Of Don't
Touch. By experiment persistently
and shrewdly conducted he had found
1t was land bounded by the universe,
being absolutely inclusive.
Toward not one of the innumerable
bewildering and alluring objects he
was daily discovering could he stretch
out his fat, pudgy hands without the
voice of fate-otherwise mother or
nurse girl or father-singing out that
pestiferous refrain, Don't touch it,"
The worst Of 1t was that whoever
sung 1t out always meant 1t. If the
temptation was stronger than his com
mon sense he grabbed the object Then
his hands were slapped as a reward
fec his spirit of investigation. At first
he had resented the slappings because
he had not learned to correlate cause
and effect, but now he was three years
and a month old and he had grown
philosophical. Some things were
worth being slapped for and others
were not. So he continued to investi-
gate with a charming Indifference to
the painful results.
az cannot understand it," Benny's
mother declared, tragically and often.
"He Is a child of. even more than av.
erage intelligence don't care If he
is mine, he is awfully smart-and he
can say little sentences and he under
stands every remark made to him. Yet
after have shrieked Don't touch! at
him till am weak from lack of breath
he calmly goes ahead and handles
everything and breaks 1t. l think 1t
must be natural depravity. Maybe he'll
turn out criminal"
Natural fiddlesticks!" snapped Ben
ny's youngest aunt, who knew more
about golf than she did about babies
and therefore felt qualified to pose as
an authority. It's all your own fault
and that poor, abused little angel is
simply oppressed and browbeaten. Why
do you leave things around? Why don't
you fix the house so 1t is real home
for your son instead of a regular Tan
talus chamber of forbidden sweets"
81 refuse to upset my whole life and
the lives of all my family for the whim
of three-year-old baby" said Benny's
mother, grandly. That would be act.
ing on the wrong principle"
t"Pooh!" said Benny's aunt.
When chance gave into her hands
for one whole day the house and her
nephew she rose to the occasion with a
CLEAN Of heroism in her eyes.
Cheer up, Benjamin" she said
soothingly to that parsonage, who was
watching her gravely as she moved
about the rooms putting the painted
jhrdiniere on top of the piano, making
wall of fragile vases, books and ink
stands on the high mantel and other
wise putting Satan behind the small
sinner. Cheer up! This is a red-let
ter day! Not once shall you hear the
slogan, Don't touch!' Your intelligent
aunt has removed all the untoucha
bles. Frolic and enjoy yourself and re
joice that you have one relative with {
spark of justice in her makeup. CT
ahead and see how youf'like It! Kisi
me, angel. for being good to you'll"
But Benjamin drew the line at that
For long while he, sat and eyed tn
admirable things far beyond his reacl
and then he started on his usual prov
Aglow with satisfaction, his aunt bull
led herself in book:
The unusual silence aroused he
finally. Search revealed BENJAMIN. sea-
ed happily in the middle of the bee
Dom rug swallowing the last drop froI
/ a bottle of hair tonic. His frantic aun
wildly swung him by his heels unit
! she remembered that was the remed
c or choking instead of poisoning. The
|. he flew to the telephone to consult tb
0 doctor. Rushing from that tnstrume1
} o see If Benjamin was already curle
: ,p in commissions, she found him |
he kitchen with all the burners of tn
las stove turned on and himself q fat
xample of incipient asphyxiation.
ears of fright she grabbed him an
carried him out on the porch.
II please walk, Benny, dear!" sh
legged. It's for your own good"
But Benny saw no object In walkin
: 50 he sat down fiat. She carried hi
i back and forth to provide him with {
i ] much; fresh air as possible. In II
~ midst of 1t he pulled a sharp pin fro
It ner hair and stabbed himself within
traction of an inch of his eye.
;, Don't you dare move and don't yc
:. dare touch a thing till / come back
:, she warned him, Historically, as 81
:, eft him and went to hunt the cou
;, plaster.
:, When she returned Benny had pull,
: a whole row of books of their she
n torn some Of them and cut hole in
= thIsces curtain with her embroidery SC
- sors. With 1t all he still maintain
- unrufied. cheerful demeanor al
;, eemed in his usual state of heat
!. ae was still looking for more things
=, .vestigate and she had no doubt tn
- would find them. She gave 1t up
- opeless and sat down to guard
o, ,isoner..E