The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, 1910-03-16

YOU going to Stir 'en up or let tne
threats Of another panic scare you or
the roost?
Cause For Kicking.
Those projected western waterways
are all right. Give 'em all the water
they want and make every desert and
mountain get up and hump with fer
tility, but don't forget that when but
ter in the east reaches ~ cents
pound there's going to be some high
old kickin' Right here III Jerlch"
three days ago there was street pa
rade Of three men. and at their bead
was banner on which was inscribed:
Butter at 20 cents pound Or
DEATH"
And there's Senator Tillman. Don't
you imagine he's going back to Wash
ington this winter to spend his
time playing poker or listening to Dol
liver's fairy tales. Ever since his desk
was broken open and certain letters
taken out he's had his back up ind
wanted to pitch into some one. He
may go for you. Better have your
guas loaded to shoot back.
If that deficiency in the treasury Is
made up the naxt congress has got to
take economy for its watchword.
There's got to be a pairing down and
saving all along the line. You are
going to recommend it in your mes
sage. but recommending a thing and
carrying it through are two different
things. You won't find five members
Of congress with you for economy.
They'll want that same old appropria-
ton to widen Salt creek and to deepen
Fresh ditch, and there's going to be
ructions.
William, you have had long vaca-
ton and a beautiful junket. You have
heard brass bands toot. and you have
eaten lobster salads. You have been
care free, with somebody at hand to
see that your laundry wasn't left be-
hind. and it's going to be hard for you
to buckle down to work again. You've
got to do it, however. and the sooner
you get In harness the better.
I wish you to know that in running
this part Of the United States political
" am not neglecting my duties as
postmaster in the slightest During
the past week have posted up the
following in the corridor:
New Rules For the p. O.
ITO the person mailing the greatest
number of letters up to Jan. 80.
1910. will give as premium shot
gun once the property Of William
Penn. It is in perfect order to shoot
crows. but is chiefly valuable as q
relic. It is said to be charm to keep
of rheumatism"
ITO the person receiving the most
letters up to the date given above l
will present one red flannel undershirt
and one barrel Of cider. The under
shirt will be large enough to go over
the barrel"
ITO the person inquiring the great
est number Of times per day for mail
up to the date given / will present a
lWO UuSuSl OdS VI pOIdeOSS Va S"SAS1
four bottles Of ginger ale."
Pop and root beer on draft In the
annex. a liberal discount to patrons
Of the postofhce." .".s,~.-..-. :, n,...:
Mrs. Pinkham will be found in the
annex, ready to serve bologna sausage
and crackers to all ladies free Of cost"
Intoxicated patrons will not be
thrown out by the neck. as In New
York. Chicago and Boston. but as soon
as it is seen that their condition is
helpless they will be conveyed home
in a carriage or sleigh"
Tracts against profanity will be
esseind on the window sill as you 80 out.
Don't swear until after you set one."
'The postmaster will act as strike
arbitrator free of cost. and also give
legal opinions and sign papers as wit
neSsG
Palm leaf fans. fer winter or sum-
mcr. for all those who desire TO fan
themselves"
Boys on roller skates can come in
and inquire for raaii.'
I'VE check dogs and parcels free of
COST
This postoffice is run independently
of politics or religion. and the grocery
annex has a special brand Of n. 0. mo-
lasses sold nowhere else"
OLD PAP PINKHAM.
Present Postmaster. You Bet9