davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
AYHAWKER JOTS

There's many an Ottawa peach
that isn't in 1t at the canning, reports
the Republic. zs
An artful woman has compiled a set
OF rules for young women to follow in
order to help the young men propose,
notes the Ottawa Herald. and it adds:
Now if some one will compile rules to
help some men not to propose to some
women, much of humanity will have
been given great help.
A blushing bride of eight days in
Kansas City complained that her lord
and master had whipped her ten
times since their marriage. That is
raising the limit, even in Kansas City.
We take it that very few women of
Kansas City need whipping more than
1nce q day.-Lawrence Gazette.
Out of the great wisdom of which
it is possessed. the Corning Gazette
has this to say: eff a man really loves
a girl, he is perfectly oblivious to
whether she wears her hair pompa-
dour or a Ia madonna. and If he
doesn't love her. all the curling irons
in this world won't change his mind"
No mere man can hope to under
stand the principles which govern
Journal, and it explains: A central
Kansas man went with his wife while
she bought some dress goods. This
stuff he said. sis pretty and would
make you good Dress. That" said
the wife in contempt Nobody is
wearing that now!'' "Then, how about
this ?" asked the husband, indicating
another sort. ''Oh, that wouldn't do
at all. Everybody's wearing that"
A Horton woman had a most inter-
esting experience in Kansas City re-
Gently, reports the Leavenworth Times.
She was coming in from Electric park
on street car, when her companion
whispered that Lucy Lee Swope. niece
of the famous Colonel Swope, was sit
ting nearby. The Horton woman
turned around to see the celebrity and
Miss Swope caught her staring at her.
Whereupon Lucy Zee made a face at
the Horton woman, and the Horton
woman is very proud Of the occur
renee.
Everybody likes to play with a
baby. Animals do, too. On the farm
where I spend my summers is a fav-
orite COW with young calf. Every
horse, dog, cat, COW and chicken
about the place likes to play with that
baby calf. The old bachelor horse I
drive, morose and cranky as a rule,
pricks up his ears, and seems to smile
at sight of the baby calf. It seems
to be an instinct common to all ami
mails to like to play with the baby
Drake Watson in the Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
HUAOR OF THE DIP

Now, then. men," cried the gallant can
tam, flight like heroes till your powders
gone, then run for your lives. I'm a little
Iame SO III start now. Ideas
WigwagI hear you are always lucky
at poker. Henpeckke-Well, not always.
l met my wife in poker game.-Phifa-
delphia Record.
the We ,,s have We just lost the philippines in
worry me any. In the magazine I sub
scribe to we could lick the world -
Puck. w.
Venus was rising from the sea. What
a. q nslon. cried the men on the beach,
What horrid bathing suftI'' echoed
the women enviously.-Judge
st wish 1 knew of two good summer
places" Two? Isn't one enoogh for
your "Oh, yes ones enough for ne INF
L want another for my wife. buffalo Ex-
press.
Tourist-Why do you call this a yolcano7
| don't believe it has had an eruption for
thousand years. Guide-WelI, the hotel
managers in this region club together and
keep fire going in it every year during
the Observation-Disclosures Blaetter.
The hare and the tortoise were running
race. What's the use? Racing will bs
dead in New York after September l." OBJ
served the hare. Herewith he proceeded
to save himself the trouble-New York
Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
From the Philadelphia Recor,

TF'rom the Philadelphia RecordJ
The wolf generally comes to the
door disguised as a bill collector.
Riches have wings. If you don't
believe 1t. invest in an aeroplane.
MY point is we'll taken" remarked
the bent Din as the fat man sat down
on it.
A man takes his life in his own
hands when he writes his autobiogra-
ply.
When age comes knocking at the
door a woman is apt to send word that
she is out.
Teacher-"what is appetite? Tom
my Tuffnut-"It's wot a Teller gifts
hungry with
There are few things in life more
difficult than for girl to look INTEL
lectual when she is chewing gum.
A girl may not really be able to
love more than one man at time, but
she can make a mighty good bluff at
MugginsL'T detest popular music"
Buggins-'I suppose you prefer CLASH
cal music" Muggins-"Yes, you can't
whistle it,
Money is the root of all evil" quot
ed the Wise Guy. well, most of US
are quite willing to extract It," added
the Simple Mug.
The man who talks when he has
nothing to say Is almost as bad as the
woman who talks when she has some-
thing to say and shouldn't.
Blobbs-'I can't see where the wis
dom of Solomon came in when he had
thousand wives Slobbs-"Great
Scott. man. Just think of having a
thousand wives to blame things ON
when they 20 wrong"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.l

[From the Chicago News.J
Most excuses are rose tinted lies.
steady drinker soon becomes I'M
steady.
A hat is still a hat even when il be-
comes pretty woman.
Marriage is always committeeman
you are married.
Imitation of another is confessed
limitation of ones self.
Hypocrites act as advance agents for
his satanic majesty.
The rooster makes a lot of noise.
but the old hen delivers the goods
Some people expect one days char
ity to atone for six days robbery.
The man who is honest with himself
gives his fellow man a square DEAL
No man who is ashamed of his past
can afford to become a candidate for
Office.
It's easy for a man to love his neigh
Dor as himself-if she is young, good
looking and rich.
1t is well to make the most of your
opportunities, but don't look upon
friends as opportunities.
Occasionally justice smites a man
with heavy hand, but more often he
is merely kept under his wife's thumb.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rFrom the Atchison Globe. !

the ALCHlSOH IlODO.J
Here's for the recall If 1. will dis
courage running for office.
We often hear people say: HES
superstitious. but I'm not a Bit"
Among other lies, is that one to the
effect that the truth doesn't hurt
Every day, now, another great man
people have never heard of, springs
up.
How often you hear the expression
He hasn't a sincere bone in his
body!''
Doctors and druggists say that the
terror of their lives is the imitation
invalid.
The Bible never seems more i'm
portant than when it is read at a
funeral.
We would rather be as deaf as a
post than to hear all some people
claim to hear.
A man grows a moustache Just to
be contrary. and then cuts it off for
the same reason.
If you count the hacks at a funeral
you will have a death in your own
family within month
The average mans idea of a typical
Garden of Eden would probably in
clude more than one Eve
Politicians have always been try
ing to rob the rich, but so far they
have not succeeded in doing it.
Atchison has a citizen, who, every
day. tells of at least twenty Outrages
he has been compelled to submit to.
81 vote against the Republicans
half the time said an Atchison man
the other morning, "for the good of
the party
When it's dull anyway, and rain
falls when 1t isn't needed, even our
usually sunny disposition is almost
wrecked.
Some politicians have become so ex-
pert that they can Jump into the
band wagon when the horses are run
ming away.
When a mans friends find frequent
occasion to whisper to him that it is
O'Clock, that's another sign he is
growing old.
The bore who has just returned
from a Journey is a little more per-
sistent and enterprising than the
other varieties.
The grand daddy long legs is the
friend of every boy. A grand daddy
long legs looks kind, and he is kind
he finds lost balls and marbles for
boys grand daddy long legs has a
certain leg that he will use in point
ing the direction to go in looking for
lost ball or marble.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
Murderous Mania.

No man grows insane all at once or
over night. Long before homicidal
mania seizeS a man there have been
signs of its coming. He has been
moody, melancholy and restless. He
has made threats. He has been haunt
ed by decisions that - was injured by
someone or had enemies" Hallucin-
and associated with real facts. and
some purely imaginary-have. over
spread his mind and appeared in his
speech. He has been violent, and not
only queer" but clearly beside him
self He writes letters of no relation
to the world as it is; he makes strange
plans; he is forgetful, careless, and
dwelling on the possibility of revenge
and injury.
The man of whom these things, part
or all, are true, ought to be put under
a trained alienist or specialist in in
sanity He will know if the man is
dangerous. If he is, the physician
can advise the next step. Many a
tragedy would be saved is this were al
ways done, and done promptly. Thaw
would never have killed White, for his
insanity had affected him months be-
fore the act. Restelli had been moody.
Nearly all of these sudden outbursts
of murderous mania have a previous
history of the approach of derange-
ment.
Most constant of all, pistol .gener-
ally suggests its use. The pistol habit
is a murder-making habit. If pistols
were not so widely owned, worn and
borne in mind, handled and thought
of, murders would be fewer. Pistol
suggestion with the unbalanced leads
to pistol murder.-Philadelph Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
LrERARY sUCcEss

l would not care to write q book
So blooming full of art
That it would fill a dusty nook
In secondhand mans mart;
zen though the critics might declare
Their lack of all regard,
I'd rather coax Fame from its lair
By writing stuff that's barred.
Let some librarian but sit
Upon your dope in wrath
Let him declare it is not fit
To clutter up mans path
Then mark you how the sales will 1urnu
AT pace none can retard,
ana how your royalties will hump
When once your stuff Is barred.
The books that ne'er can find a place
In Uncle Andy's halls
Are those the public likes to chase
Their interest never pals;
Inc presses leap at new demand,
And you are Fortunes pard,
II your book-as maynap you planned
Some library has barred
Denver Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

The controversy over the hobble-
skirt seems to be between two of the
great fashion settlers of the world
Lady Duff-Gordon of England, says
mix on the hobble" Charles Kurz-
man, a New York Modesto" says the
hobble-skirt's the thing, for a. that. 1t
Is our guess that the New York he
dressmaker will win. Women. in their
wild efforts to adopt something new
and startling in dress, will not stop to
consider the fact that Charles Kurz-
man, although possibly a perfect
lady" doesn't have to wear the skirt
he advocates. If he did. there might
be less argument in favor of this
dressmaking monstrosfty.
One Of the oldt,me joke subjects has
Joke was complete without some refer
ence to bootjack. There are thous-
ands and thousands of people now of
Joke.reading age, who never saw a
bootjack.
. A local gent is suing in a local court
Tor $4,000 damages for having been
bitten by a dog. This department is
not ,or. paFticgiariy fond Of playing the
drama OF life, but IL above mentioned
gent succeeds in collecting, we will Of
Ter tempting portions and choice cuts
OF our sacred anatomy to every rich
mans dog we meet.
The weather bureau predicts rain.
We may be pardoned for pointing out
the fact that the weather bureau has
no good grounds for predicting any
thing else.
Did you ever observe that the longest
circus parade usually winds UP with
the worst calliope of the circus season?
Also. that the longest argument US
ualiy closes with the poorest and weak
est climax?
current patent medical advertise
ment is headed: "a man with Iron
Nerve" 1t goes on to recite that the
man thus designated once took some of
cine.
Any man who succeeds in going up
IN an alrship has one great advantage
over the prize fighter. There IL ahso-
lutely no doubt as to his ability to
come back"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
Fashions For Men.

The fluttering male anxiety to as
certain the fashions for the coming
season is being fairly gratified. we I'M
derstand, at the fashion show just
opened.
Those gentlemen who have not been
able. during concerts and other public
performances where people dislike to
be disturbed, refrain from discuss
ing the probable fate of the broad
shoulders now know that broad
shoulders are doomed.
In like manner the thousands who
have found it impossible to center their
thoughts on their business because OF
the eternally recurring question what
will be the prevailing style of trous-
ers for the coming season." are now
permitted to breath sigh of relief.
And the same may, of course, be said
of the numerous ones who have been
twittering and talking and wondering
whether overcoats would remain sub
stantially the same or not; what would
be the edict of fashion with regard to
dress suits, and what changes, if any,
would be required in correct riding
habits?
Excla1nations of mingled pleasure
and disapproval no doubt greeted the
revelation that instead of the broad
shouldered coat a number Of clothes
designers have laid down the rule that
the garment must have a lovely mar
row-shouldered effect and a full chest
and that it should set to the hips in a
tight hobble-skirt fashion well suited
to display the male form divine.
The decree that the great coat must
be loose and baggy; that a black vest
be henceforth worn with evening
clothes, and that riding habits should
be of a solid color, probably caused
somewhat less excitement on account
of embodying less noticeable changes.
No doubt thousands of men, after a
well-known custom, are declaring that
they will look perfect fright" in the
new fashions and that nothing in the
world would ever induce them to wear
anything like that"
But these sudden declarations, the
fruit of surprise and the failure to
adapt ones self suddenly to new stand
ards of sartorial elegance, are not by
any means to be taken as final. Fash
ion is wonderful thing, and has great
powers of silent persuasion.
1t would be interesting, were space
available, to give further details which
the designers are at present decreeing.
But that would lead US into a maze
probably unintelligible to our numer-
Gus female readers.
1t is enough to say that the men are
now finding out what they ought to
wear whether they wear it or not, and
are thus coming around to state that
will permit them to think once more
of business-Chicago Inter-Ocean.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Anti-pass legislation does not look
any better to the legislators of Colo
RADIO. or a majority of them, than it
ever did. A bill to enact the PROPOSE
ton into law was voteo down the 9TH
err day at the special session of the
Colorado legislature which was called
to pass such a piece of legislation as
well as bills on other important sub
jects which the Democrats promised
they would enact into law in their last
state platform. Each political party
seems to be quite as deficient as any
of them when it comes to keeping
platform pledges
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Everybody seems bent these days on
taking some other fellows part.
y =
A generous relative, possessed of all
kinds of money, is never an unwelcome
guest.
=
Many men have the mistaken idea
that the boss of gang or a shop has
an easy job.
Most folk are strangers to the beau
ties of dawn except as to what they
read about them.
There is something gooi in every
human but the trouble is that too
many of them have the unhappy
knack Of concealing it effectively.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Because Mr.. Prouty. of the inter-
state commerce commission. has an
nounced that he believes that the
railroads are keeping their books hon
estly and have not padded them for
the purpose of making a showing that
will strengthen their case for an in
crease of rates, whole lot of people
will promptly jump up and shout that
Mr.. Prouty and the other interstate
commerce commissioners are preju-
diced in favor of the railroads.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Apparently one Sherlock Holmes has
been reincarnated in the person of a
United States postoff1ce inspector. He
hid in the mall bags in the Brooklyn,
n. Y, postoffice and succeeded in catch
ing in the act a mail clerk who had
been suspected of robbing the malls.
Inspector Dew of Scotland Yard and
DR.. Crippen fame, is evidently not the
only real reflective in the world. Perish
the thought
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

They do things differently on the
other side of the Atlantic. A strike on
the part Of riveters employed in the
English shipyards is met by. the own
ers Of these yards shutting down their
plants and locking out boilermakers
and other workers to the number Of
$4,000. In this country the boilermak-
ers and others would probably have
been called out in sympathetic strike.
The result would be about the same as
that which has developed through the
arbitrary action of the British ship
yard owners.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
KANSAS COMMENT
ONE MORE PERIL.

The esteemed magazines are run
ming short of real Derils. and. in or
DER TO keep the people excited they
nave to dig up a few made-in-Ger-
many oerils which seem rather anus
ing when you examine them under the
microscope.
/. One of the September magazines
mas the first of a series of stirring
articles which are guaranteed to prove
conclusively that Mormonism is the
only genuine all wool and yard wide
peril now confronting the people. The
writer of these articles claims to have
evidence to show that the Mormons
are slowly but surely getting stran-
gle hold on this government, and that
IN time theirs will be the kingdom,
the power and the glory. They al
ready have the Republican party tied
up like calf in a farm wagon, and
they are reaching quietly, but mex
orably, for the capitol at Washing
ton.
Is there anybody suffering for
thrills to such degree that he will
worry over peril Of that sort? The
Mormons may be gaining in numbers
and influence in their thinly settled
regions of Idaho, wyoming and Ne
vada, as the writer claims. but their
missionaries will have to labor a
thousand years before they'll make
any noticeable Roadway in the popu-
lous part of the country where peo-
pie are educated and informed. There
is nothing in the Mormon creed that
appeals, or ever will appeal. to people
OF sense and knowledge. The fact
that the MormOns are molested but
little seems profoundly significant to
the magazine writer but 1T amounts
to nothing. This is the most tolerant
country in the. world. We have the
holy Jumpers, the snake worshipers,
and all sorts of religious freaks and
maniacs, and they are permitted to
go their way until they become a
nuisance, and then the lid is placed
on them. When the Mormons become
a general nuisance, the lid will be APP
piled.
If the Mormons could produce a
man capable of whipping Jack john
son they might gain some popularity.
but if they. continue their present
methods they won't have control of
this country until 10 o'clock on the
morning of Resurrection Day.-Em
poria Gazette.
THE NEW ARMY BISCUIT.
At the Joint maneuvers of the regu-
lar army and the national guard a
new sort of emergency ration is be-
ing tested. While this may meet with
some opposition the theory upon
which the trial is based is far from
unreasonable. In actual service sit
uations often arise in which 1t is i'm
pOSSlDle 10 ODtdIl regular 1OOu. IL
meet such exigencies the commissary
general proposes to furnish enough
nutriment to last a day in the form
of dry cakes which can be easily car
ried in the soldiers haversacks. While
1t is recognized that conditions will
arise where this emergency ration
is necessary it should also be seen to
that 1t is made as palatable as pos
sible. 1t is fortunate that the ex-
pertinent is being made at the maneu-
vers so that the soldiers can try the
new rations and form opinions for
themselves regarding it. = Leaven-
worth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[From the New York Press. ]

Marriage teaches woman to stay
in harness and a man to kick over
about his wife's foot she wouldn' t
the traces.
When a man can grow poetical
trade him for king
If you want to learn how to add
20 to Is and make it 26 be an old
maid.
You can't make man go to
church when he has nothing smaller
than bills for the collection plate.
For income purposes, the first of the
month seems to come about once a
year; for paying bills it seems to be
here every other day
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

the next Republican nomination for the
presidency. This is likely the first
time that the people at large have be-
come acquainted with the fact that
there is such community as Hudson
county, N. j., and that it is of suff1-
cient political Importance to have an
executive committee of county COM
mittee, and probably all the other fur
bellows incident to a political strong
hold
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Everybody will probably be from
Missouri on the proposition that peace
is being restored IN Nicaragua without
the Intervention of any of tho large
powers. 1t seems Uncomfortable that
the Nicaraguans can agree to go their
way in peace all on their own hook.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

New York is suffering from crop
shortage of a most serious character.
There are not nearly enough chorus
girls there this season to go around
and the theatrical managers of the
rnetropolis have uttered a cry for help.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Eurekai Excelsior! Hip Hip Hur-
rah! Miss Katherine Ellxins and the
Duke Of Abruzzi are slated for mar
rage I'm February. To oblige a long
suffering public, they ought to push
the date ahead to September Is, or
tberaab hunts
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

That New York woman who broke
her head in a fall which was caused
by a hobble skirt evidently was not
up to date in the matter of couture.
If she had been adorned with the pre-
vailing quantity of rats her head
wouldn't have been broken
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

From the preliminary milling that
is going on 1t would appear that ma
tional politics rather than conserva-
ton is to be the important feature OF
the National Conservation Congress
now in session at st. Paul
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

There is no accounting for tastes on
the part Of the human race. A mob
of 1000 individuals ran amuck the other
day in Barlyetta, Italy, because the
public authorities passed an ordinance
prohibiting the selling and eating of
figs The step was a precautionary one
to prevent the spread of cholera.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Colonel Roosevelt is now a knight
Of the famous Omaha order, the Ak
Sar Ben. There is probably nothing
now that Colonel Roosevelt isn't.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Oh. you winning baseball team. Chas.
w Murphy, owner of the chicago CUBS
has Just purchased 100000 residence.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Maybe that young Coloradan VINO
tasted for 81 days, ate pretty heartily
during the nights.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06

Aviation is now an assured success
Charlie Taft. the presidents 13-year'
old son, is showing an interest In 1t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-09-06
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The circus proprietors felt Just as bad
about the rain yesterday as you did. SO
cheer I'D.