Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1910-01-13
THURSDAY. JAN. 10, 1910
The Drama Taught
by Mail

Dear Sir: Your application for in.
struction by mail calculated to At you
for the ordinary villainous part in a
melOdrama received and filed. Your
remittance of $40 is hereby acknowl
edged
We have turned out of our corro
sopondence school some of the mos:
Villainous actors now on the stage,
and each succeeding season we are
making them more so. One of our
pupils was set upon by an angry audi
ence in Texas few weeks ago and
beaten within an inch of his life, so
naturally and villianously did he car.
ry out his part in The Unwound
handspring: or, The Watch That
Failed" He has sent us a splendid
testimonial, with his photograph aft.
er the attack, a copy Of which we in.
close as an additional assurance of
our skill at making villains by mali.
For your first lesson we append
few suggestions as the basis for your
future work Follow directions care.
fully and advise us when you have
mastered these elementary principles.
First the teeth You must learn to
grind them readily. with graf.
ing sound that can be heard as far rs
the gallery.
Some villains carry along a prop
erty dentist to grind their teeth for
them, or employ a local dentist as a
"supe." This will not do. Every
really successful villain should learn
to grind his own teeth. We have a
small emery toothgrinder that wo
sell at 70 cents that has proved very
satisfactory. In case the necessities
OF the drama requires the teeth to be
ground several times in the course
of one performance you should have
a supply Of our emery grinders in
your vest pocket. We make special
rates on them by the dozen. and they
will be of great service to you.
Second, the hair: II must be Jet
black and curly. II you have natural
ly black and curly hair so much the
better. It will not take so much of
your attention. Otherwise remit $3.50
for a quart of our jet dye. guaranteed
not to turn green, spot, freckle or
scale. We have also a pocket curler.
inexpensive and efficient, and we IRE.
pare a rhinoceros grease hair wax
which lasts indefinitely and keeps the
ringlets always in condition. Espe.
cial attention must be paid to these
details of the hair. The villain whose
hair comes out Of curl at a critical
point in the play is lost
Third. the walk: The Villains walk
Is essential to success. You should
stand before the pier glass at least
four hours day and practice the
strut, the glide and the swagEer.
Strut until you are in a light perspir.
alton; then glide until you cool of,
and finally swagser until you are
steaming hot. Remember, you must
never appear on the stage with an or.
binary carriage. When you threaten
the heroine, strut; when you steal
the child, glide; when you wave the
mortgage that is to rob her of the
old farm, swagger. For practice you
may wave part Of an old newspaper
and swagger before the glass until
you are thoroughly aroused and feel
villainous. Then write us for further
instructions.
Fourth, setting the teeth: Certain
of your lines must be Kissed through
your set teeth. The success Of these
lines depends upon getting the teeth
properly set. Setting the teeth is &C.
quired only by long practice.
Fifth, the speech: When you have
learned to hiss through your set teeth
q little alcohol or gasoline will dis
solve the tooth setting and you are
free again TO resume your villainy.
The speech now becomes OF prime
importance. A good many Of your
best lines depend upon It, For your
first lessons take these words, which
you will have frequent need OF:
'Tush!" Very expressive and ne
cessary. Tush before the glass about
80 times. putting worlds of scOrn into
each tush.
BAH" This IL one of the most
important words in your vocabulary.
A good bah viii always bring down
the house. The bah must come from
the very lower lobes Of the lungs; or.
better still, the abdomen. A little
bah that comes from only the back
teeth will not do. You viii need to
bah at the heroine. the hero. the hon
ut but simple-minded farm hand. and
----sAsv tbs naliea With az -'-h'