Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1910-04-19
Shall the Girl Court
Her Sweetheart?


Within the last few weeks / have seen
a continuous stream of articles on this
subject; some for, and some against the
girls advances
In this day and time when divorces and
divided families are everyday topics OF
conversation in private, ii Is natural TO
find considerable discussion in the news
papers, and il by any means there should
be a remedy proposed that will attract at
tention with those who marry, or are Civ
en- in marriage; the discussion is timely
and opportune, because of the subjects
importance. I
1t is my opinion, strengthened by near
ly three-fourths of a century in expert
ence of life and its problems, that mar
riage should be based first on friendship,
and later on love. 1t is the haste, the
precipitation, that creates confusion.
There should be inquirers into tempers,
as well as habits and good characters,
for hot, ungovernable temper viii break
up happiness as quickly as some other
unhappy traits that might be mentioned,
In both men and women.
Love at first sight Is the central arch
in the construction of nearly all modern
love stories, and we hear so much aobut
difficulties that we may conclude that
love at second sight with some people is
dUOuN as SAlOA6 anu SOAhPCiih8 as eAiC
first venture. When a man or woman
forsakes wedlock to follow one affinity
you may set 1t down that it is the animal
nature and not the human. which gov
erned all the time their affections and
their motives. But our subject lies only
about the approach to wedlock, not the
sundering of the ties of marriage.
l have a profound respect for the old
maid who prefers single blessedness to
welded misery, not counting what she
has been saved from as a woman.
But you may say. Maybe she failed to
get a good husband because she repress-
ed her feelings, and the man who wanted
truly to marry her was discouraged. Her
efforts and desire to seem careful and
prudent misled him, he thought she ex
pressed aversion, etc, so he failed TO ask
her
1 again hazard an opinion (Which may
be too insignificant to impress you), that
such case might happen possibly one
time in a hundred. but the great ma
jority of young women will (exccept IN
such rare cases. give a better reading. in
their eyes. with their smiles and with
their delicate attentions to a fayorite
sutton. 1t is the human nature of the
sex to be courted. and il does not mean
that the girl must be forward or persist
ent or brazenly fond of the man she real
ly likes and would prefer to marry to
win him.
The girl who runs after a man will,
nine times out of ten, make him run
away from her if he is seeking a pru-
dent wife and capable mother for his ex-
pected family He would lose respect fer
her If she made her preference so appar-
ent to outsiders, and all welded happi-
ness must be based ON self-respect, mod
esty and mutual respect. or the fabric 10
built on shifting sands.
Marriage is a lifelong partnership.
and the conditions should be more care
fully considered than any other sort OF
partnership. Until the vow is taken. each
party should not hesitate to delay until
the way is cleared to a satisfactory UNI
Outstanding of marital conditions.
1t is a thousand times preferable to
recall wedding invitations rather than
walk deliberately into lifelong trouble,
because the withdrawal may be the best
thing that could have happened to both
parties. while the headlong plunge into
plain open misery will certainly entail
trouble and vexation of spirit.
1 heard once of a brilliant wedding
function where the groom had been pri-
vately arrested for a bank defalcation
day or two previously. Her parents knew
of the trouble, bat the girl was not in
formed. So the wedding bells rung mer-
rily after bond was given. and the papers
were full of the story of those elegant
festivities.
Comment is needless in all such cases.
There was wrong committed which was
made irreparable by somebody's failure
to do the right and proper thing to the
unborn as well as to the bride who was
mistreated. 1t was like leading poor
little white lamb to sacrifce-and for
what?
When woman Is deceived in her trust
and affection she is wounded in a vital
part, and there are many women deceived
after they have been sought and won un-
der fairest pFetenses; but such is and
must ever be the woman's misfortune,
for ii is not her province TO go out and
seek a mate: she, the delicate and the
timid, by the acknowledged nature of
her sex, must either wait for her lover
to ask her consent, and wait until the
right one appears. or make up her mind
to live her own life, without husband or
children, and God. who often "setteth the
solitary in families" has ordained
single good women large, compromising
and comprehensive work for the uplift
of the race.
Whenever our vision is cleared and we
look at the responsibilities of mother
hood from the viewpoint of present and
eternal happiness of both the woman and
the child, there will be more care, and
fOrethought and fewer hasty marriages