davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27
LITERARY MAGAZINE
By CLIFF HO w A r D

his with wooden leg and couple of deaf ears; and
five thousand dollars to the st. Joseph Orphan Asy
um. What do you think of that? Five thousand
dollars orphan asylum and his favorite
nephew old overcoat!
We'll, sir, as got it and found there
nothing in the pockets tor up photograph OF my
uncle that he had once given me reward for
building him chicken house and carried the coat
down into the cellar to chuck it into the furnace.
done with Uncle Snapp and all memory of
got ready to pitch it into the fire it would have
given very particular satisfaction But sir,
Hercules remarked when he discovered he had been
wrestling with Jupiter, 1T is useless to struggle
against the gods; that is to say, there's use
keying with the spirit of your Uncle Snapp. Just
the coat away from She wanted to know if l
planning to set the house fire. and the idea
of burning up coat like that. Why, she could
make pants out of it for Walter!
'''No maam,' says l, no pants for Walter out OF
this coat. This particular garment is not going TO
stay around here in any shape
Very we'll, then, says Mrs. Tucker. I'll give it
to the slop man. He'll be only too glad to have it.
All right, ma'am,' says l, give it to the sop man
if you like; but don't let see it again.
ssXI ELL SIR the next day she carried it out to the
w alley gate herself and handed it to the slop
man. The slop held it up and looked at it and
felt of it, and bit of hemming and having he
said he reckoned he didn't need overcoat; reck-
oned this one wasn't his style. anyhow. What do you
think of that? First time the old black pirate had
declined to take anything he could get-old
slippers neckties toboggan wipers visiting
cards-but, bless you, he didn't want overcoat.
well. sir. after the slop had refused it. Mrs.
Tucker did feel that would be altogether
me il faut to offer it to the postman or the grocers
solicitor 1t certainly was-and is yet-a most
heathensh looking old coat. So she sent for sec
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27

wouldn't find it, and kept it there until one day
tramp came along. What he needed most, he said
cup OF coffee and overcoat. He kept the
coffee. but back with the overcoat Asked her
ii she didn't have another to give him in place of
that Said it too small for him; hurt him
under the arms, and he couldn't button it. Mrs
Tucker suggested that it was better than nothing;
but he contended that it no such thing; that
if ne couldn't button it the cold would get inside and
pack there and give him the sciatica. Ii she couldn't
say So and he'd go somewhere else and get one.
What do you think of that?'
$50 she had the her hands again Never
~ said a word to about it, She had barganed
get rid of it, and she going to do it, That's
Mrs Tucker Well sir, the hobo had had a fra
GRANGE about him that was long way off from
Araby, and Mrs Tu"'er thought it wise to sun the
coat for a day two the clothes line. And
while it hanging out there in the back yard
somebody stole it. The cook man climbing
the alley fence with it, and she wanted to get
right not say word about it. The man probably
needed the coat and he welcome to 1t.
Well sir, this time it gone whole week
Then policeman brought it back. Said they had
rounded up a gang OF sneak thieves and one OF them
had confessed stealing this coat from our prem
Uses. Mrs Tucker tried to tell him that the man
was welcome to it, but the policeman didn't under
stand that of religion He insisted upon return
ing the coat. 1t stolen goods; that was the
limit of his comprehension. and he had orders 10
leave it and get receipt for it. If Mrs Tucker
wanted to give it back to the crook. that was mat
ter she would have to take up with the COMMISSION
err And So here the coat back home again
We'll sir about days after that she gave II TO
the Salvation Army. along with some other OLD
clothes and lot of magazines and so on she Won
dered she hadn't thought OF the Salvation Army IN
the first place. You can't give them anything that
f.p a no.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27

ond-hand clothes dealer to come out and give her
price it. AS the fellow it he said 1t
wasn't worth nickel but he'd give her twenty cents
for it, seeing as how he trying to build up an
honest business. This agreeable to Mrs. Tucker.
and she closed with him right then and there for
twenty cents. Well, SIR the fellow had hardly got
outside the house. when back he came. Said he had
been cheated. The coat only three-quarters
wool. and what's more, there moth hole I'M
der the collar. He wasn't paying any twenty cents
for coat like that. No. sir; he paying honest
prices and he wanted honest goods; and the upshot
of it was, that Mrs. Tucker gave him back his mon
ely and took the overcoat again.
well, sir, she hid it in closet somewhere, so
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27

seventy-five cents for it, which all right: but
when she went out to the shed after he had gone,
there was Uncle Snaps overcoat hanging up
nail The young fellow had taken it Off to do his
work and had forgotten to put it on again. and.
what's more, he never came back for it, Now what
do you think of that?
We'll sir, as Mrs. Tucker told afterwards.
she began to realize about this time that she had
made mistake in not permitting me to burn the
coat when wanted to do it. In fact. she half
tempted to do it herself; and don't know but what
she would have done it finally. If one of the neigh
bors had not happened to ask her to contribute to
rummage sale for the benefit of ST. Aloysius
church. This looked like the deliverance she
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27

faction of hearing him declare that l am the most
intelligent conversationalist he has ever met
On this particular occasion had ventured the re-
mark that recent scientific experiments seemed
me to Indicate the existence of spirits. 1t my
modest intention to follow up this remark with an
interesting story OF an experience that had recently
befallen one OF my neighbours but Tucker wouldn't
let me. This comment about spirits his
not mine. The moment had arrived for him to tell
something.
When it comes to proving" he on. that the
dead do live and make their presence felt you don't
have to argue with You that overcoat hang
ing up there in the corner? Well, Sir that's all
the proof l want And say to you right
now, that | wouldn't take five hundred dollars for
that coat You think it's of the shabbiest look
ing coats you've ever outside of rag bag. and
l suppose it is No of fit, in the first place
sleeves too short shoulders too big, and pulled like
the mumps in the back-and for color, it reminds
YOU OF rainbow smeared with the ashes of last
year.
We'll, sir. my uncle gave that ceat-od Uncle
Augustus Snapp. He left it to me in his Will was
his favorite nephew, and when boy spent
the greater part OF my time out of school running
errands for him and helping him in his garden. and
up to the time he passed away Went down to his
house every Thursday evening, rain shine, reg
ular as the moon and played chess with him. We
all knew, of course, that he of
property but whether he worth five thousand
or hundred thousand question OF
us felt at liberty to ask him. and it never occurred
to him to take anybody into his confidence
ing his personal affairs. He was the most eccentric
that got into the family. He's the one I've
told you about, that used to sneak off and take
swim in the river every morning, every morning of
the year. winter and summer, rain or shine. until
some queer-sighted hunter mstook him for duck
one Thanksgiving morning, and clipped the top OF
his ear while he padding around in an ice hole
WE'LL sir, that's the sort of man he was wore his
hair down to his collar and his pants up to his
kles and ate molasses his fried potatoes. How
ever de mortuis nil nisi bonum; speak no evil of
the dead Old Uncle Snapp had his good points. and
l came SO near loving him as when he used to
say to me, Robert, my boy, shall remember you in
my will. How much that prospect had to do with
my willingness to stand around and take orders from
him. humility forbids to mention But this
will say in my behalf that by the time uncle
Law down and died l had given him enough of my
time and service and patience to entitle me to
thing right handsome in the shape of legacy. And
what got was that overcoat!
"He left hundred dollars to each of his other
nephews; and of them, mind you, had never
seen him: and five hundred dollars to each of his
sisters and his house and all his personal belong
,ngs except the overcoat, to old half brother of
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27

they can I lufH W az
count in some way,
and she felt sure that
some needy man
would at last be made
happy and comfort
able with this old
overcoat of Uncle
Snaps. And l guess
she was right; only
that didn't prevent
the coat from finding
it's way home again.
You have heard of
cats coming back
after being carried
twenty miles from
home in a covered
basket. Well, sir,
that's eNplainable by
what the psycholo-
gists call the sense
of orientation. But
there's no sense OF
orientation in an over
coat-especially, an
overcoat like that.
Just the same, how
ever. it wasn't but
two weeks before that
coat was back. \
seedy young fellow
came along one after
noon and said he was
looking for work, and
Mrs. Tucker set him
to splitting some
kindling out in the
shed. 1t was a good
four hours job and
Mrs. Tucker gave HIM
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-04-27
Arg ntum ad Homin m
j" UCKER held up
an interrupting
- hand With a

" UCKER held up
an interrupting
hand, with a
gesture of authority.
"You can't tell me
anything about that,
he declared. I've
had personal expert
ence!"
That is one of
Fuckers peculiari-
ties. He prefers to
do the talking him
self. If your opening
remark falls on the
leeward of his opin-
ion, he considers it
his mission to tell
you so at once and to
proceed to show you
with conscientious
fullness and particu-
larly wherein you are
teetotally wrong. in
addition to not know.
ing the first thing
about it; while, on
the other hand, if he
dies happen to agree
with you upon a sub
ject, he knows so very
much more about it
than do you or any
body else, that, if you
are a lover OF peace,
there is no alterna-
tive but to remain
quiet and allow him
to eXpound the mat
ter. Being a friend
of fuckers. l always
let him have his way,
and more than once
have l had the salts
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
GREAT RIVERS MANY NAMES
Various Aliases Under Which The
Hudson Has Been Known in
Past Centuries.

In the course of the last 400 years
the Hudson has been known by al
least 20 different names, and even to
day. in New York. at any rate. 1t Is
indiffeYently referred TO as the Hud
son and the North river.
While Henry Hudson is universally
acclaimed as the discoverer of the no
bic river which bears his name. 1t 1:
well known that nearly a century be
fore Hudson's successful exploitation
John da VerraZano. a Florentine. en-
tered the mouth of the Hudson and re
ported that he had passed up the river
about a league in boat. not ven
turing to sail his vessel. the Dauphine
up a river with which he was unfa
miliar
A sudden squall inpclled him to re
turn to his ship. Verrazano called the
Hudson the river of steep OF hills
This was in 1924. Some years later
VerrazanO's brother made a map Of
the region. and he named the mouth
of the Hudson San Germano."
In 1875 a Spaniard named Gomez
who came to America on an exploring
trip. made a chart upon which he des
ignated the Hudson as San Antonio
When. some SO years later, Henry
Hudson. In his efforts to reach the
East Indian possessicns of the Dutch
East India Company by a northwes;
route. accidentally ran into the Hud
son. he promptly dubbed 1t the Man
hattes," from the name of the Indians
who dwelt at its mouth.
Hudson sailed slowly up the river
us far as Albany. and his experiences
with the Indians and his observations
OF the surrounding country were sc
gratifying that he returned home with
glowing reports of the new-found coun
try.
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16

It vas fully expected that the YER
dict would be Not Guilty" Not that
the evidence demanded such verdict.
but the case had resolved purely and
simply into a political affair. and the
jurymen were all OF the party in
power. The defendant was Walter
Ledeen. a popular young politician.
clubman and society man. His air Of
confidence waned as the jury contin-
ued to remain out. When night came
with no returns. he grew nervous. BY
morning he was white-faced and his
finger nails were gnawed to the skin.
At last the foreman announced that
there was no possibility of an agree
ment The last. and in fact all of the
ballots. had stood eleven to one for &C.
quittal. When 1t vas divulged that
Jerry Winters was the one who had
stood out. amazemcnt and indignation
ran high among Walters clique. Jerry
was an associate of the defendant.
and. moreover. was said to be engaged
to the defendants sister. Edith.
To all circumstances. inquiries and
demands. Jerry had one answer: The
evidence showed that he was guilty.
did my duty"
1t was clearly borne in upon the Oh
durate young juryman that any pc.
litical aspirations he might have en-
tertained were doomed. 1t was to be
expected that Walter would consider
him IN enemy. but all Riverton watched
with much curiosity to see what Edith
would DO Jerry proceeded immediate
~ to justify himself.
Il couldn't do otherwise. Edith" be
said. manfully. Il strained every poin,
l could I tried my best to find law
in the evidence. There was none.
could rot perjure myself"
Jerry Winters. flashed the girl, eli
was my brother you wanted to con
vict!"
Don't. Edith" he pleaded with q
harassed look Il tried my best to for
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16

Yes" said the Engiishman. who has
been GONE years . resident OF the
states, America can fairly claim to
be the freeest country on earth.
;,sed to think England was. believed
that in spite of your boosted republic.
IN institutions and your universal suf-
rage ard lots Of other things. We had
more real freedom and more personal
lights on the other side than you had
here. but I've changed my mind.
rhe American has more liberty than
The Briton.
Tho advantage II not due to the
,o-m of government. or political insti-
buttons. or tho tasiR. or the size and
,outh OF the country. It's Just In the
matter O. peanuts.
1T Is the sacred. hereditary and IN
slienab!e right OF every freedom
American citizen to eat peanuts when
and where he p!eases. and to throw
The shells on the floor.
Il was crossing the river the other
lay On one Of the ferryhossA The
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
get that fact had to give an I'm
biased ODinion."

get that fact had to give an un-
biased opinion"
jerry" she exclaimed. wildly.
don't ever dare speak to me again. I
hate you! We are not only strangers
henceforth. but enemies"
Edith" he said. sadly. nothing
could make me your enemy"
AS time went on, Walter had a new
trial and was acquitted. His vindic-
tiveness toward Jerry. however. did
not diminish. and he did his best to
injure his former friend. Still there
were men who respected Jerry for his
action. But neither the animosity Of
Walter ard his coterie. nor the appro-
baton Of Law abiders mattered much
to Jerry. All he wanted or cared for
was Edith and Edith's love. But she
cut him publicly and with disdainful
demeanor.
Ore day in early autumn. when base
ball enthusiasm waxed high. when
crowds gathered and waited and STAN
peded in front Of the places where the
scores were shown. a crucial game
vas played at Riverton. The home
team, the Stalwarts. were to play
against the Lions. This was to be
the game of games. for il the Stall
warts Won it meant the pennant- All
River,on turned out to witness the
game and shouted for the S;alwarts.
gay young crowd was on the grand
stand behind the plate. Among them
were Walter and Edith. To their right.
alone. was Jerry.
Grand. gloomy and peculiar. the
secretary sat alone quoted Walter
with a sheer and q glance ut Jerry.
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
Appropriate Text.

The large choir had attempted an
elaborate anthem that morning. an an.
them with high fights for the So
pranos. thunderous roarings for the
bassos and both vocal and physical &C.
robatics for the tenors. while the con.
traltos scuawked along at a steady
pace. each one apparently taking her
choice OF time and key. Finally all
parts got together on the chorus.
though the majority of the partici-
pants had started with a few seconds
handicap Then it was clear sailing:
on. up. came the jang!e Of sounds. TO
a terrific finale. ending with FORTS
simo crash.
In the stiffness that followed the
pastor came forward deliberately to
the desk, where tie Bible lay open to
the mornings text. Sweeping an alb
stracted look above the hats Of the
congregation. he read in distinct and
earnest tones:
And. after the uproar had
ceased"
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
fIIIIljIIlilj1 a11EI|Il!!
FM2f;)
A Solar Piexus.

On one occasion Sam Berger. the
brawny manager OF James J. Jenries.
was In a small California town, sound
ting some of the residents as to the
possibility OF holding prize fight
The local police force, cloWnish-lcOk-
ing individual with a huge badge.
heard OF Sans investigations.
You can't hold no prize fight IN this
here town." said the police force.
threateningly. In his best .'I-be-the-
marshal" tones. 1T is agin' the law.
and I won't stand for it,"
"Aw, beat it," said Berger, N dis
gust. What do you know about law ?
Why. your very appearance in public
Is misdemeanor. "-Lippincott's
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
odorIess Garbage Wagons.

Boston. in the interests Of health
and economy. is being provided with
odorless garbage wagons. One OF
these wagons is already in use. It
consists Of a steel frame on four
wheels, containing three cylindrical
tanks which rest upon trunnions. In
form the tanks are somewhat like
milk cans. greatly enlarged. each tank
having q capacity Of one ton Of gar.
base. To the lid OF each is attached
a lever. which. in turn. IS connected
BY a chain with a hinged portion OF
the footboard. resembling a treadle.
upon which the men stand to empty
their pals. As the attendant steps
upon the treadle. his weight raises the
cover, and when he steps Oh after
emrtying his load the released lever
pulls the lid down again. The load
being divided into three parts. only
one-third is exposed at a time. and
then only momentarily.
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16

song and . smile. while his heart and
his hope are anchored In the skies.
The miracle Of the Easter lily .
natures parable Of this truth. tn
lustrous whiteness come out q the
black refuse At its roots. its fragrance
out Of the foulness Of decay. By some
mysterious alchemy the lovely trans
formation was wrought Tho touch
Of heaven gave It its purity and sweet.
ness Such II the spiritual Easter Of
the soul And In that miracle Jesus
lifts humanity back to God.-D. II.
Pratt.
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16
The Real Home of Liberty

deck hands had Just swept out the gen.
tlemen's cabin. and were even then
washing the door. Two young men
came in. sat down on the side which
had just been washed and began to
eat peanuts. The men who we're sweep
Ing were not afraid to do their duty.
They were gritty enough to subdue .
drunken tough who got boisterous. and
they plainly saw the young men throw
the peanut shells on the floor. but
they no more thought OF objeeting
than they would think Of debating to
q man what kind OF clothes he should
wear
i've seen tho same thing In ele-
waited trains and cable-cars. in public
halls. in theaters. and once even In
church II u always taken n q mat
ter OF course that the man who eats
peanuts shall throw the shells on the
..oor wherever he happens to be.
We poor Engiishmen are slaves and
bonc-servanss besides you Yankees."-
Youths Companion
The Columbus journal., 1910-03-16

Edith looked, but she did not sneer.
She found herself looking surrepti-
tiously and longingly at the lean-faced.
honesteyed man who had squared his
shoulders at society's disapprobation.
There seemed to be some delay in
the starting Of the game.
The umpire's sick. and they're look
ing I'D another" reported Walter after
a tour OF investigation.
In a few minutes the manager for
the Stalwarts approached Jerry. who
had played two seasons ago with the
S,alwarts and was considered expert
authority in all matters pertaining to
the popular game. After a short con-
ference Jerry left the stand and went
down to tho ground.
oh. Jerry's going to umpire!" ex.
claimed some one sitting near Edith.
whose interest in the game was now
intensified.
The manager of the Lions won't
consent" said Walter. TO have an ex.
member OF the opposing team act a.
umpire"
But the manager Of the Lions knew
OF Jerrys proficiency in the game. He
had heard also of his stanchness In the
Ledeen case He took Jerry's measure
at a glance and announced that he was
perfectly satisfied with the choice.
1t was a close game. and people were
breathless in their intensity and crazy
In their cheering. At last came an aw.
full moment. 1t was the last inning.
and to that point the game was . tie.
Then came q play that called for
close decision. II was SO close that the
spectators. and even some Of the play.
ers, could not determine whether or
! not the man was "out."
Jerry decided for the Lions. The
Stalwarts were manly and abided stole.
ally by the umpire's decision. but
Kisses, jeers and groans came from
the bleachers and from that part Of
the grand stand where Walter and bis
| friends sat
| Jerry's decision in the Ledeen trial
had made him unpopular only with q
certain class. but now he felt that
every one was against him. He knew
he was down and out for evernore In
Riverton.
| Angry groups were gathering here
and there on the way out OF the
grounds.
You'd better not 60 down the street
lust now, Winters said the manager
Of one Of the teams. you know what
crazy fools q baseball mob is made
up Of"
Jerry's Jaw came forward and he
said decisively that he would go now
He went.
There were mutterings ~ he passed
out of the gate and walked down the
street. He walked alone until he VA
q block from the grounds. Then some
one stepped up behind him-a girl-s
every fair. tremulous girl. who said
timidly and softly:
| jerry"
Edith"
Il am going with you. Jerry. II you
will let me- I've shut my eyes and my
heart all this time. and something hal
opened them. I don't know enough
about baseball to Judge professionally
O! your decision. but baseball friend
sat right behind me. and when every
one was mad and yelling at you THU
man said: BY -! There 10 the maj
Diogenes was looking for! There's
nothing so rare nowadays as an honest
mani I wanted to hug him. but II
hug you instead. Jerry-if you Wilt
you will care
He turned to her with a wonderful
light In his eyes.
Edith, you are all I do care for"