davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
HOTEL SPOOL.
Harry LADDERS Joke on an English
Newspaper.

Harry LADDERS Joke on an English
Newspaper.
I'm tell you a story about Arthur
Roberts and me-" said Harry Lauder,
the Scotch comedian. 1.-THE pair Of
as were in Manchester when we saw
on the sporting page of the Guardian
a paragraph that said:
"'ln consequence of the number Of
unsupported challenges recently for
warded to this paper we give notice
that in future only genuine challenges
can be accepted for insertion in our
columns. AS a proof of good faith
each challenge must be paid for at the
uniform rate Of shilling
Arthur said /, here's q chance for
q joke
"'How?' said he.
II read the notice to him. and then
and there we concocted a challenge Of
which I shall never cease to be proud
q hotel spool challenge. OF course
there Is no such game or sport as
spool. Spool is a word very few peo-
pie have ever heard of. To spool is to
get of impromptu nonsense on the
stage. Well. our challenge ran:
"'Hotel Spoof.-Harry Lauder, hear
ing so much talk about A. Roberts be-
ing the champion spool player of Eng
land. will play Roberts a game of ho-
tel spool for $500 side. catch-as-catch-
can. over eight flights Of hurdles, bath
room barred. Address, money and
man, II. Lauder, Comedy Theater.
Manchester
"That was the challenge. and we had
no idea what it meant after we had
drawn 1t up. Nevertheless we carried
it boldly to the Guardian Office. The
clerk read 1t in a dazed way.
Zone insertion, please said Rob-
erts, planking down a shilling.
Excuse me- said the clerk. but
what is spoofY
Roberts glared at him.
"'None Of your nonsense with me.
young man. he growled. What is
spool? You'll be asking what chess
or whist is next
"And the following morning. directly
under the editorial notice that only
genuine challenges could be accepted
for insertion appeared our little para
graph about hotel spool"
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
His Treat.

In the course Of a railway journey
one day Queen Helene visited a small
wayside station. where she was met
by the mayor and corporation in all
the glory of their robes Of honor. An
elegant luncheon had been provided
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
His Fast Friends.

A teacher in New England gram
mar school found the subjoined facts
in composition on Longfellow. the
poet, written by fifteen-year-old girl:
Henry w. Longfellow was born in
Portland. Me-, while his parents were
travelling in Europe. He had many
fast friends. among whom the fastest
were Phoebe and Alice Carey"
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09

A man who was detained at the
house for part Of the day handed his
wife. who was going downtown, a
quarter of dollar and requested her
to get him three cigars for it. When
she returned she handed him the pack
age. remarking exultantly:
"That shows that women can beat
men all hollow when 1t comes to max
ing purchases. I found a place where
/ could get eight for a quarter instead
Of three. Isn't that going someY'
And the poor man. as he took his
medicine, merely remarked:
"lt certainly is. dear."-On City Biz
xard.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
Home For Marble Workers.

A home IL to be established in Cali
fornia for the aged and infirm MEM
bers Of the International Marble
Workers union. President Frederick
McGlade Of the San Francisco union
has been selected to report upon an
eligible site. It IL considered probable
that the home win be located In the,
vicinity OF Monterey.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
A Sweet Sinner.

1t was 3 O'Clock in the morning as
Mr.. Younghusband crept slowly up the
stairn Everything was peaceful in
the house. Opening the door to his
room noiselessly. he stepped upon the
tai Of the family cat. Naturally a
yowI resounded through the
night. John said his wife. awaken.
ing. don't you think it's rather late ts
be singing? The neighbors might com
plain"
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
Authorization.

1t has been we'll said that no man
ever sank under the burden of the
day. 1t is when to-morrow's burden
is added to the burden Of today that
the weight is more than man can
bear.-George Macdonald.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09
Faith.

Better trust all and be deceived
And weep that trust and that deceiving
Than doubt one heart that II believed
Had blessed ones life with true believ-
Ing.
Oh. in this hooking world too fast
The doubling fiend oertakes our youth
Better be cheated to the last
Than lose the blessed hope OF truth.
Frances Anne Kemble.
The wageworker. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1904-????, 1910-09-09

double you have been frightened at a
real person
A gentleman present said:
II am told that you two young ladies
need to be introduced You are twin
sisters and Inherit share and share
alike in the estate of Wilbur Langford
both being his daughters and heirs
Ny sister ON seeing me had shown
the same evidence of shock as myself.
| We looked at each other for some mo-
ments: then both started with one ac-
cord around the table and met in an
embrace.
OF that domestic trouble which sep
arated our parents. one taking my Sis
ter. the other myself. Of their subse
Guent early death-our mother Of u
broken HEARTH is not necessary that
l should give an account here. My
sister and myself having been brought
up separately. the trustees were in
structed to bring us together when
we came of age and received our In
heritance.
1t was some time before my twin
and myself could be torn apart in
order that we might sign papers spread
out on the table to receive our sigma
lures. The business having been fin
ished. we left the bank with our arms
about each others waist. telling Of
out experiences after our two former
meetings. She, too, had suffered. but
nothing like myself, since she felt sure
I was a real person.
At my wedding my only attendant
was my sister.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
From Another Point of View

II you never anything politician
The pretuest in the
climate
The only that didn't get pic
Of
get the best OF the fellow that likes to
%
The Rock of Gibraltar sometimes
heads
$780,
wir telegraph system
The shortest quickest go up an aero
plane far as and fall out
hrtiest heard n a
miner to sell her Chanec hat prices
honor aror.
him understand posted
You OF the ali Of oe
sometimes please
a telling ne always kind IN
hotses his wife dog
Is fellow who called
scratched
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
| Tuesday. August %.
1910
Awake. ve Voters.


To the Editor OF The Times. Why
can man who tries to investigate
the votes cast by our United States
senators and congressman but see
mat some OF these men constantly
vote for the interest OF the trusts
and other corporate interests7 ~--'-'-
l am glad the old Republican part,
In Washington has openly and |
think, wisely too. repudiated the worl
done by certain leaders OF Il there
they must get out for the good Of
the party.
Now then. tho question Is. why rd
tain In the leadership OF the part
other senators and congressman. sucl
men as Burrows and Fordncy. who ar,
equally responsible In this maladmir
istration at Washington, through he
traying the interests OF the commoi
people for the privileged trusts.
Had II not been for Just such men
Aldrich would not have been able Z.
put upon the people such an iniquI
tous tariff. thereby overriding TIL
will OF the citizens.
1t is surprising indeed, to see TIL
voters OF Michigan either voting blind
ly-hoodwinked by party solidity-
or wantonly and corruptly using thet
own franchise for the sake OF TIL
plumber that goes with these Offices
to the petty Office seekers.
Why then, fellow citizens of Mich
igan, do we not make a clean swee
OF these high Office holders who havI
betrayed the interests OF great ms
jority OF the people OF this state, an
on our primary day go prepared q
vote for a mSre capable, honest an
tried man as is Hon. Charles e. Towr
send, OF Jackson. for United State
senator, and for Townsend. OF Sag
nav. who is valiantly trying for tn
nomination for congress In the Eight
district.
| candidly ask you electors to ir
vestigate for yourselves; and nc
vote for brass Cannon, because
shines. for 1t means destruction.
JOHN w. LAMON. |
Millington, Mich. Aug. %. 1910.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
CANNON AND BALLINGER

Unquestionably Uncle Joe Cannu
has the right to strive to retain iii
speakership by going before the neS
House, IL he can. and submittin
himself to vote of defeat or ele,
ton for that post. We have no dont
what would happen to him. and vi
are convinced that In the best Id
terest of the Republican party ID
ought not to make the attempt or n
any way to force his unpopular pei
sonality as an issue into the admit
tedly difficult campaign now begil
ming. But we are frank to say thd
il is his privilege to stick and to tr
to stick as long as he pleases.
Nothing of the kind applies to Bal
linger. He Is in the Cabinet by Id
vitation, true, but, his welcome lon0
ago worn out. he has no right u
stay there waiting till he Us put OF
by his host. We suppose that II
such a situation even a fuddled calld|
in a private house could compra
bend the imperative demands upot
him to go. Walk or be carried. Bal
fingers place Is outside at once-Nej
York Press
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23

IL there exists some one center
from which typhoid germs are being
disseminated among the people, pre-
cautions are imperative. II can do
no harm to guard against the malady
in every possible way while the au-
thorities are making an investigation
and determining just how serious Is
the situation.
During the last few years medical
scientists have established beyond
reasonable argument that the fly Is
one OF the chief means by which ty-
pnoid germs are transmitted. This
being true, why subject ourselves TO
the possibility of infection from this
source? Why permit flies to swarm
at will through our homes. around and
over our food? Why not protect our
selves and our food from flies, even
II we don't believe absolutely in the
fly danger?
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Precautions Against Typhoid
Means of Conserving Humans

All water and milk taken into the
system should first be boiled.
All food should be kept where flies
cannot crawl over it.
No raw vegetables or oysters should
be eaten.
Typhoid patients should be pro-
tected by screens or nets. to pre-
vent flies carrying disease germs
from them to others.
Care should be exercised to make
certain that no dishes, bed clothing,
books. or other articles used by a
typhoid patient are used by another
without being thoroughly disinfected
and sterilized.
II these simple precautions were
observed there would be little likeli-
hood that typhoid would ever become
epidemic. IL would be speedily stamp
ed out The Washington Times.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Postoffice Divan, Laramie City, w T,
Oct. /, 1888.

Postomce D1van, Laramie CITY, w L,
Oct. /, 1888.
To the President Of the United States:
Sir-I beg leave at this time to
officially tender my resignation as
postmaster at this place, and in due
form to deliver the great seal and the
key to the front door OF the office.
The safe combination Is set on the
numbers 33, SO and SO, though I do
not remember at this moment which
comes hrst, or how many times you
revolve the knob, or which direction
you should turn II 81 first In order
to make 1t operate.
There Is some mining stock In my
| private draw I'm the safe which | have
not yet removed. This stock you may
have II you desire it. II Is luxury,
but you may have 1t. havs. decided
TO keep g horse instead of This min
ing stock. The horse may not be SO
pretty, but Il will cost less to keep
him.
You will find the postal cards that
have not been used under the dis
tributing table and the coal down In
hard close the damper In the pipe
and shut the general delivery window.
Looking over my stormy and event
full administration as postmaster here.
u find abundant cause for thanks
giving. At the time / entered upon
the duties of my Office the department
was not yet on paying basis. 1t
was not even self-sustaining. Since
that time, with the active cooperation
OF the chief executive and the heads
Of the department, | have been able
to make our postal system a paying
one. and on top of that | am now able
TO reduce the tariff on average-sized
letters from 3 cents to 2. l might
add that this is rather too too-but
I will not say anything that might
seem undignified In an official resig-
nation which Is to become matter
OF history.
Through all the vicissitudes OF
temptuous term OF office | have safels
passed. | am able to turn over the
Office today in highly improved con
dition, and to present purified and
renovated institution TO my success
sor.
Acting under the advice of Gen.
Hatton, a year ago, removed the
feather bed with which my prode-
cessor. Deacon Hayford. had bolstered
up his administration by stuffing the
window, and substituted glass Find
ing nothing in the book OF instructions
to postmasters which made the feath-
err bed part OF my official duties,
filed IL away In an obscure place
and burned 1t in efiigy, also In the
cleaning. This act maddened ny
predecessor to such degree that lie
then and there became candidate
for justice OF the peace on the Demo
cratic ticket. The democratic party
was able, however, with what aid 1t
secured from the republicans, to plow
the old man under TO a great degree.
1t was not long after | had taken
nv official oath before an era OF I'M
exampled prosperity opened for the
American people. The price OF beer
rose 10 remarkable altitude. and
other vegetables commanded good
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Gems of Wit, Wisdom and Humor
A RESIGN
BY EDGAR w. NYE (Bill Nye).

, figure and ready market. We then
began to make active preparations for
the introduction of the strawberry
roam 2-cent stamps and the black and
tan postal note. One reform has
crowded upon the heels OF another
until the country Is today upon the
foam-crested wave OF permanent pros
perity.
Mr.. President. | cannot close this
letter without thanking yourself and
the heads Of departments at Wash
ington for your active, CHEEKY and
prompt cooperation In these matters.
You can do as you see fit. OF course,
about Incorporating this idea into
your Thanksgiving proclamation, but
rest assured 1t would not be illtlmed
or inopportune. 1t Is not alone a
credit to myself. II reflects credit
upon the administration also. l need
not say that j herewith transmit my
resignation with great sorrow and
genuine regret. We have toiled on
together month after month. asking
for no reward except the innate con-
sciousness of rectitude and the salary
as fixed by law. Now we are to
separate. Here the roads seem to
fork, as 1t were, and you and |. and
the cabinet must leave each other at
this point.
You will find the key under the
door mat and you had better turn
the cat out at night when you close
the office. II she does not go readily
you can make 1t clearer TO her mind
by throwing the canceliins stamp at
her.
II Deacon Hayford docs not pay up
his box-rent, you might as we'll put
his mail in the general delivery, and
when Bob Head gets drunk and in
sists on a letter from one OF his
wives every day In tle week, you
can salute him through the box de-
livery with an old Queen Anne TOM
ahawk which you Will fiud near the
Etruskan water pail. This will not
in any manner surpriss either OF these
parties.
Tears are unavailins. | once more
become a private citizen, clothed only
with the right - read tsuch postal
cards as may be addressed to me
personally, and to curse TIE inefi-
cheney Of the postoffice department.
I believe the v0i.nA class TO be d.
vided into two classes. viz: Those
who are in the postal service and
those who are mai because they can
not receive registered letters every
Is minutes OF each day. including
Sunday.
Mr.. President, rs an official OK this
government / now retire. NY term
OF Office would not expire until 1886.
must, therefore, beg pardon for my
eccentricity in resigning. II viii! be
best. perhaps, to keep the heart
breaking news from the ears Of Euro
pean powers until the dangers of
financial panic are fully past. Then
hurl it broadcast with a sickcning
thud.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
English Horribly Misspoke"

or genuine" Isn't transaction in
good faith" just az comprehensive as
bona fide transaction" why not
genuine philanthropist" rather than
bona flde philanthropist"? And by
all means avoid the bilingual mon
strosity, "bonafidely.'
TASTY--This dainty little word APP
plies to food rather than gilt mono
grams, feminine costumes and pink
boudoirs. Filet mignon a la Kaiser
Wilhelm may be tasty" Iikev ise
lobster Newburg and eggs st. Denis,
not To mention homemade apple pie.
But IL you're thinking of art rather
than stomachs. tasteful is the word.
DATA and STRATA-Here are
some Latin words that we really need.
Facts" ard layers" are not adequate
substitutes. But be careful-the
words are both plural Say these
data are" rather than this data Is,
and handle strata" with the same
tender solicitude.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23

Continuing our little efforts to
muckrake the language of the man
in the street. let us consider few
more words that seem to call fop
criticisms:
PlAZZA-This ia a good italian
word meaning public square" like
the Spanish plaza" Around Boston.
people use IL I'm the sense Of porch
or "Yeranda." Since porch" Is Eng
lish, and has the additional adyan-
tage OF meaning porch" why not
use it2 OR II you prefer the more
fancy Hindoo word "veranda." or the
more prctentious Latin "portico,'
very WE'LL But piazza" is provincial,
as applied to house porch or any
other sort Of porch
BONA FlDE-Use II II YOU want to;
the dictionary and the lawyers will
back you. But why lug in by the
ears an awkward Latin phrase when
there Is a better English equivalent
Bona fide" means I'm good faith, >"
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
MILK AS FIRE EXTINGUISHEH
BY Its Use Agriculturlst Helps q
Save His Residence from Flames.

HARRINGTON, Wash. Aug. 3D.
In tracing up the odor OF burninI
wood J. Edgar Williams, farmer liv
ing half a mile north Of Mohier, did
covered the kitchen Of his residence
TO be on fire. but he soon extinguislI
ed the flames.
Mr. Williams fought the fire frorl
the INSIDE. using milk as an extin
guisher, while the men connected thu
hose with nearby hydrant and viz
orously applied dampness to the q
terror
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
UphoIds Mrs. Nick.

WICHITA, KAS., Aug. 23-MrI
Carrie Nation today Indignantly ri
pudiated Lucy Page Castor and Mr.
Snowden, and said she thought MrI
Longworth or any other lady has
perfect right to smoke cigarets.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23

wiley Attorney Baldwin commenting
g the absence OF records OF the
presence heterogeneous experiments and added
immensely important the business world
thousands Of dollars property and products
Then Dr. Wiley replied with emphasis
Il DON'T GIVE HANG FOR THE BUSINESS WORLD. WHAT Il
CARE FOR THE HEALTH THE PEOPLE"
afforded the attorney opening that he welcomed.
readily opportunity make the point that the food
let get by when they raise against Dr. Wiley
$50 you consider DOCTOR important the interests
those who tied property and
poductsi" asked Baldwin
whereupon, d.. Wiley repeated
Il MOST CERTAINLY WHERE THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS DOLLARS INVOLVED, THERE ARE MILLIONS OF
LIVES HANGING BALANCE WHICH THESE INVESTIGATIONS
AFFECT IT IS CONSIDER AND NOT THE BUSINESS
WHICH MAY BE DONE ANY CORPORATION"
wieys qualified by his position the nature OF his
responsibilities and in fact by themselves
When his is for the counys health he is Of course speak
ing against the has invested IN THE
MAKING OF IMPURE FOODS
His position u.s. business has million tied up in
and products its
td POISON engaged making impure product for
consumption public deserves to lose its dollar
annual convention Of the Gamers OF the country or those
Gamers rather belong the national association prize was Of
% by member how to increase the consumption
Of canned goods
paper recommended that the prejudice against canned goods
removed through campaign through the
There suggestions along this line in the papers sub
mitted.
But recommended that was w ~ Ih
cANNERs TO COMPLY OF THE GOVERNMENT IN
EVERY INSTANCE advertising from the stamp OF
PRE by the upon every turned out by member Of
the association.
The money represented this big association not
ieouardv when indo q suggestion
The money of LEGITIMATE food in jeopardy
The food manufacturers Wiley overzeaous and preu
diced
But what this were true THEY BE HURT IF THEIR
GOODS ARE PURE AND FREE FROM P0IsoN9
Lincoln steans just engaged in writing series OF articles
for Everybodys Magazine.
In these showing that the great in this coun
try is business"
He asks "Who is king Of American
And his is: BUSINESS
Mr. steaen knows all about Business" big Business
He is well enough acquainted with politics know what bad b
business" is also
II had bg business Wiley tells to "be hanged"
Bad g business through its hold faithle public servants
long been permitted o legally rob the people
But DR. Wiley isn't that kind of public servant
He intend he help it. that bad big business
resented the food shall be permitted
legally poison and kill the people.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Vacation For Laborers.

PHILADELPHIA, Pa, Aug. 49,
President Jas. McCrea Of the Peni
sylvania railroad will give all OF tn
section hands and brakemen employ
ed by the road a months vacation
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Rubber on Free List.

PROVIDENCE, r. l., Aug. 23.-
u. s. Senator Nelson w. Aldrich n
the International Rubber Co. has
bill for the next session of congres
putting rubber on the free list.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
NEWS BREvITIES
That We Haven't Yet Received.
AGAINST Tipping.

ATLANTIC CITY. N. j., Aug. 23.1
Employees In public service are
session her to form the No-Ti
leagues. The conference include
walters, BARRIERS, porters, etc.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23

your only hope is to simulate in
sanity" said the lawyer.
Gee. haven't an idea what to
say" said the prisoner.
"Weil. I'll get one OF these chaps
who write choruses for popular songs
to fix up something for you
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-08-23
Taft Not a Candidate.

BEVERLY, Mass, Aug. 23.-Pres
dent Taft issued a statement todd
that under no conditions will he all
cept denomination for the pres
dency.