Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-12-02

family.
"Why do they say, AS smart as steel
trap?" asked the taIkative boarder. 81
never could see anything particularly in
tel:ectual ABOUT stee, trap"
| "a steel trap is called smart" explain
ed the elderly person, in his sweetest
voice, because it knows exactly the
right time to shut up"
More might have been said, but in the
circumstances it would have seemed un-
fitting.
Occasionally one comes across helpful
little sidelights on manners and customs
| in the weekly papers. Here is an in
| Eeresting hint from an article on carving
at table: Ladies should not be invited to
| help themselves to wine or spirits"
This sounds mean. 1t reminds us of the
dear old story of the man who was asked
his opinion Of an acquaintance. "Ye
want to know what kind of a man
Mcpherson is?' he remarked. well, he
| was pourin' oot some whisky for me, We
| ken, an | called 'Stpl AN he stoppit.
That's The sort of a maD McPerson is!''
One Of the bestkDOwn bishops has a
fund Of excellent clerical stories at his
disposal.
A certain preacher, discoursing upon
/ Bunyan and his work, caused a litter
among his hearers by eXclaiming:
"In these days, my brethren we want
more Bunyans."
Another clergyman. pleading earnestly
with his parishioners for the construc-
tiOn of cemetery for their parish, asked
them to consider "the depiorable condi-
tion of thirty thousand Christian Eng
ii-hmen living without Christian bur
ial?"
Still more curious was this clerical
slip:
gentleman said to the minister
"When do you expect to see Deacon S.
again?"
Never, said the reverend gentleman,
solemnly; 1.-The deacon is in heaven"
o. =
A New jersey farmer came to the city
the other day and, among other things
he visited high class restaurant. His
appetite ran to cheese, and, inquiring of
the waiter what sort of cheese was listed,
remarked that he desired something
new"
"Why don't you try bit Of roquefort?"
suggested the waiter.
whats that?" asked the farmer.
Hang it," he added, bring me some. I
like the name anyway"
He ate it and liked it. So he thought
he would take some home to the wife.
Arriving late, he laid the small cheese
wrapped in silver paper on the sideboard.
He forgot to inquire about it till the
next night and then he asked his wife
how she liked it.
"Oh, s'pose it's mighty stylish up to
the city, but jes kinder couldn't use it.
[ couldn't get no foam out of it, and
when | washed the children they smelled
kinder funny, and can't say like it. :"
Old Governor Mattocks, Of Vermont,
who when in Congress boasted that he
could "beat 'em all writing bad" was no
speechmaker. The nearest he ever came
to making political harangGe was once
when his friends gathered around him to
congratulate him upon his nomination
as Governor Of the state. He was in
tight place. for he was compelled to reply.
His speech was as follows: Boys, thank
you and now, if you will elect me Cover
nor, / will tell you what will do. /
will appoint two Thanksgivings and no
Fast. Good-by." Still he wasn't often
at loss to find something to say when
something had to be said. One New
Years day morning, as he was bathing
and preparing for breakfast, he un-
fortunately leaned against the door at
the head of the stairs leading to the kit
chen. The door gave way, and the maids
of the household, while busy preparing
the morning meal, were astounded to
see, rolling and tumb'ing into their pres
ence, chubby-fat old gentleman in
most unpresentable attire. But his wits
were with him. Ladies" he exclaimed,
politely, Il wish you Happy New Year."
and then bounded upstairs again, four