davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
THE TOMB OF NAPOLEON
By Robert G. Ingersoll.

BY Robert Il. lngersoll.
A little while ago I stood by the grave
of the old Napoleon-a magnificent tomb
of gilt and gold fit almost for dead
deity-and gazed upon the sarcophagus
of black Egyptian marble, where rests
at last the ashes of the restless man.
I leaned over the balustrade and thought
over the career of the greatest soldier
of the modern world. I saw him walk
ing upon the banks of the River Seine
contemplating suicide. 7 saw him at
Toulon. saw him putting down the
mob in the streets of Paris. I saw him
crossing the brideg at Lori with the trf-
color in his hand. I saw him in Egypt
in the shadow of the Pyramids I saw
litz. saw him in Russia, where the in
fantry of the snow and the cavalry Of
the wild blast scattered his legons like
winters withered leaves. I haw him at
Leipsio in defeat and disaster, driven
by a million bayonets back upon Paris
clutched like a wild beast, banished to
Elba. I saw him escape and retake an
empire by the force of his genius.
saw him upon the frghtful field of Wa
terloo, where fate and chance combined
to wreck the fortunes OF their former
King. And I saw him at st. Helena with
his hands crossed behind him, gazing
out upon the sad and solemn sea. I
thought of the orphans and widows he
had made, of the tears that had been
shed for his glory, and of the only wom-
an who ever loved him, pushed from his
heart by the cold hand of ambition. And
l said: l would rather have lived in a
hut with vine growing over the door
and the grapes growing purple in the
autumn sun; I would rather have been
that poor peasant with my loving wife
by my side knitting as the day died out
in the west. with my children upon my
knee and their arms around me; would
rather have been that man, and gone
down to the tongueless silence Of the
dreamless dust than to have been that
imperial representation of force and muir
der known as Napoleon the Great"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
WHEN FAIRBANKS WAS 'BROKE"
rS,ox, TouiaCi1la Times

From the LOUISVILLE llIHeS.
Former Vice President Fairbanks who
is said to be worth much more than a
million dollars, once had to borrow money
to pay for the lunch of a Louisville news
paper man. The incident happened in
Chicago few years ago while Mr.. Fair
banks was in the United States Senate.
The senator and the newspaper man
were taking lunch In the Chicago Audi
torium hotel. The waiter brought the
checks, the senator ran his hand into
his pocket drew 1t out and looked en-
barrassed.
why, It's really funny" he remarked
with reddening countenance, but do you
know, find 1 haven't got cent In my
pocket. You'll have to pay for my
lunch.'
An hour later the senator's check for
$1,000 was promptly honored at. the hotel
office. I'm sorry he didn't forget to pay
me-" said the newspaper man, FOR In
the light of honors that subsequently
came to him, 1t wouldn't have been bad to
be able to say the vice president Of the
United States owed you rs cents"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
"sLIvvERs ov THOUGHT"

BY Henry w. Shaw Gosh Billings).
am dredful fond ov melody; and a
banjo with negro hung tew 1t Will
knock more sense out ov me in one
night than / kan git back in three
weeks.
1t IL good plan to kno menny peo-
pie but to let only few kno yu.
have no more respekt for those
who only cater tn mi imaginashun
than have for the man who fust in
vented ginger-pop.
I never knu man ov mulch wis.,
dom who could sing a song well or pla
on fiddle.
I don't kare how mulch a man talks
If he will only say 1t in a few wurds.
Rewards deferred make us miser-
able; 1t liz jist so with punishments
When 1 was a boy had rather be
licked twice than tew be postponed
once.
1 think 1t reduces the stummuk AXE
tew holler; SO 4 think 1t lessons awl
kinds ov anguish, jest az it does sin
by owning 1T.
How menny folks do yu suppose
thare IL In this world who are salts
fled with things az far az they hav goti
Not more than six I'll bet. This looks
rather dusty for the rest ov the trip.
Thare amt no general rule for hap
piness; a man has tew be measured fol-
bis happiness Just az he does for ni1
boots and even then he don't a1wus
git a good fit
If a yung man kant find emmy thing
else that he is ft for, 1 like tew Sc.
him carry go1d-h eaded cane.
l beleaf in the final salvashun oy
men, but want the privilege ov pick.
ing the men.
Thare is just this difference between
a success and failure-A ov an inch
It is a great deal easier tew bea;
natur than 1t is tew equal her---so it Ii
easier tew bile an egg tew mulch thar
just enuff.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
FAMILY FOOD PROBLEM

How much does 1t take to feed three
boys and two girls when served from
a lunch-basket on train? An Atchi-
son woman figured and figured, and
decided that 80 ham sandwiches, 20
bread and butter sandwiches, 40 cookies,
two glasses of jelly, two dozen devilled
eggs, four-layer cake and three pies
would be enough. She started with the
five children at in the morning; by 2
that afternoon not crumb was left; by
two of the boys looked gaunt and pale,
and at 6, when she reached her destina-
ton, two of the children had starved to
death.
From the Atchison Globe.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
IN HOTEL LOBBIES


Prof. l.. N. Duncan of Auburn was
in Birmingham yesterday. Professor Dun
can is special agent for the United States
department of agriculture in agricultural
extension work and is also professor of
agricultural extension in the Polytechnic
| institute at Auburn.
The principal work that Professor Dun
can is doing just now in the extension
plan is the organization of boys corn
clubs in the various counties of the state.
He is also planning for the organization
of the girls into some sort of garden
ing or domestic work. This department
will be gotten under way by next year,
1.-The boys of the state are getting real
ly interested in the corn club PROPOSE
tion," said Professor Duncan. 1.-THE ex-
ceptionally fine season for corn this year
has been a matter of great encourage
ment for the boys that have already
taken up the work.
1--WE have a number of boys In Ala
bama who will make hundred bushels
of corn to the acre this year. All the
boys who have taken care of their crops
and have worked will make far above
the average yield. The farming outlook
for Alabama is very bright for the flu"
ture. We are raising boys who are anx.
ious to excel in agriculture and will
make skillful and successful farmers
Exhibits of the best corn grown by
Alabama boys will be shown at the state
fair and the best collection from these
exhibits will be carried to the National
Corn show at Columbus, O., few days
later.
Special prizes have been offered for
corn grown in the south at this show
and 1 want to see Alabama capture some
of the best awards. The Alabama ex
hibitor will not be put in competition
with the farmer from the northwestern
corn belt and this gives an opportunity
for the new southern corn grower to
make a good showing.
1.-THE corn show will also give an ex-
cellent opportunity for the Alabama farm
er to demonstrate that this is good
corn growing country. 1t should be a
good advertisement for this state.'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
POINTED PARAGRAPHS

From the Chicago Daily News.
A seal on O watch fob may be worth
two on an iceberg.
A fool can always find another fool
to admire him.
Some men are selfmade and some
others are wife-made.
A man knows but little If he tells
the missus all he knows.
It's always a case of the survival of
the fittest. Are you it?
The sweetest slumber is the kind in
terrupted by the alarm clock.
If rich enough you can afford to do
the things you don't want to do.
Once in a great while we meet a
man who actually practices what he
breaches.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
THE REFORMED APACHE

From the Washington Post
THE Apache Indian has done great
AeaS Toward wiping out the charges
against him." said R. G.. Greenhow of
Los Angeles at the Arlington.
Strange as it may seem, the mem
bers of this one-time ferocious tribe
have done most of the labor in the con-
struction of the greatest monument to
civilizatio which this country now
possesses The contract between the
nature of their activities 30 years ago,
when they were scalping and burning
right and left through the southwest,
and now is remarkable A large part
of the labor in the construction Of the
immense Roosevelt dam in Arizona
has been furnished by these same
Apaches. l have watched them work,
and 1 learned from men in charge OF
the construction work that they proved
to be tractable as we'll as Industrious.
1.-The people of the United States will
never realize the Importance of this
dam unless they see it. The structure
is composed of sandstone and cement
It rises nearly 800 feet above Salt
river. 1t must be as long as from the
Arlington to the New willard, and the
base is as wide as half the length of a
good city block in Washington. A 90
foot roadway runs along the top.
was told during my visit to the works
that the lake which would be formed
by this dam would be the largest arti-
fetal body of water in the world.
am not a statistician, but l learned
enough of the purpose of the structure
to give me a pretty fair idea of Its
Importance.
About quarter of a million acres
of land will be irrigated by the stored
up water was Informed that the
crops of single season from this irri-
gated land would pay for the entire
investment of nearly 100000. 1t IL
certainly a remarkable piece of engi
neering work. I want to make triI
to that part Of the country in couple
of years and see what changes have
been made by the irrigation canals
know that land in the valley is going
up at rapid rate. SO it is evident the
people see chance to make money"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
From the New York Tribune


CONSIDERABLE growing has been
heard this summer concerning the
~ trouble, the inconvenience and the
difficulty of raising and replacing prop
erly and at the right angle on the
head the soft-trimmed straws, cloth caps
and felt fedoras that men wear so much
In hot weather.
Rumors come from Philadelphia that
there is an anti-hat raising league form.
ing among men there to do away with
the practice of tipping this soft head
gear as a salute to women.
This form of bowling has indeed many
disadvantages, and, 1t has been urged, be-
longs properly only to the days when it
was invented. To raise the hat. drop the
head, arch the back2and sweep the ground
with ones long feather was pretty
custom and went we'll with the graceful
cape, the curls, the sword and the
swashbuckling top boots. But what style
is there in sweeping a stone pavement
with derby hat, or with a skinner or
stovepipe?
Obviously, say its enemies. 1t Is but a
survival and a useless one. since 1t
serves the purpose neithor of pleasure nor
of art. With the former style of dress the
bow was a subject for the wielder Of
brush and chisel. But who would ever
dare waste enough marble to make
statue Of modern man bowling?
Besides, no one who has not even worn
them can realize the many difficulties and
dangers of raising these soft, unmanage-
a BILE modern hats.
Take a man wearing a fine panama,
for instance. Along comes woman whom
he knows and Immediately must his
hand fly to his head and the wabbly
trimmed creation somehow must be
snatched off. The brim of a panama has
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

decaying boughs the old man sleeps.
And do you hear those men laughing
out there in that automobile? The
grandson has just repeated one of the
old fellows stories. The young man
has returned from the State university.
dar, but he has no lima gination. The
old man was the troubadour; the young
chap is only an elocutionist. I recall
one night at neighb orhood reception
given in honor of a foppish poet, whose
fame, native to Vicksburg, stretched
thinly up and down the Mississippi.
Among the guests was the old man
who now sleeps beneath the dead apple
tree. Sophomores would not have ac-
cepted him as scholar, but philoso-
piers would have looked upon him as
one of their guild. He did not know
many books, but among those of his
intimate acquaintance were Swift,
Fielding and Shakespeare. The River
Poet resented his literary opinions, ex-
pressed surely with mildness and de-
corum, and turning upon the old man
snarled at him.
Colonel" he said with sheer, per-
haps you don't know as much about
such matters as do
"Ah, as much as you think you do"
Think I dol! Old man, have writ
ten more poems than you ever read"
YES, you have written more poems
than anybody ever read"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Harry S. Matthews, vice president
of the Alabama Consolidated Coal and
Iron company, is spending a vacation
at French Lick Springs.
Joseph o. Thompson, the republican
standard bearer for governor left yes
terday morning over the Louisville and
Nashville for his plantation below
Montgomery. where he will rest for a
few days. Mr.. Thompson will, 1t Is
understood, while absent draft his
speech of acceptance to be delivered to
the republican party.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

In speaking of the future of the Ameri-
can cotton raiser as a result of the re-
cent cotton failures of Knight, Yancey &
Co., and Steele. Miller & Co.. United
States Senator John II. Bankhead stated
yesterday that he did not believe any DIFF
ferent methods would be employed in
buying and selling cotton this year than
before the failures. Senator Bankhead
said he was very confident of the south's
position in regard to cotton.
1--WE have the cotton here and the Eng
fish people want it, said Senator Bank
head. IF that is true then the sales
will be made and the southern farmer
will not be the loser by any failures.
We all regret the failures and think they
were in the nature of things harmful. but
as far as changing the prevailing buying
methods I do not think 1t is at all prob
able. There may be some slight changes
in the bills of lading and the channels
through which they pass In being correct
" handled but that Is about all
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
Corn PrOspects

IT have never seen a finer prospect for
corn and cotton in north Alabama" said
T. L. Baker, a we'll known real estate
dealer of New Decatur. who was in Bir-
mingham yesterday.
THE corn crop is especially promising
The acreage is large and quality the best
l have ever seen. Cotton is late, but
it is maturing rapidly. The crop will.
be very much better than was promised
a few weeks ago.
THE merchants and other business men
of the Decaturs and that entire section
are looking forward to very prosperous
fall and winter
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
Summer Comfort in Outside Blinds

"I always like the colonial style of
architecture because 1t gives us outside
blinds or shutters" said an old citizen.
1.-THE outside blinds have certain
aesthetic effect and then, too, they make
for comfort. In regard to comfort, here
Is an article contributed to the New York
Sun which l think of sufficient interest
to be reproduced: 1T is a curious cir
cumstance,' says the writer referred to,
that in the discussion of your cores
blinds on houses their most important use
has been entirely overlooked; that Is,
their agency as sun shields In summer to
keep off the direct rays of the sun from
the glass of the windows, which, If I'M
protected, act as burning glasses and so
force the temperature of the adjoining
rooms up to O regular dollhouse pitch,
say from Is to 20 degrees above what 1t
would be If covered by blinds, or in fact
the same difference as the thermometer
shows in sun or shade.
Inside blinds are very we'll as a
screen for privacy, but they have no eff
feet against the suns rays.
City houses unprotected by shade
trees and without outside blinds in sum-
mer are very vel, calculated as forcing
houses for early vegetables, but are ex-
asperatng places for human beings to try
to live in
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

A University of Chicago professor says
poetry and mathematics are much alike.
He has a name like pied line, which
may or may not signify
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Little Joe Brown has made Georgia a
to be his own successor, but ex-Gov.
Hoke Smith is the winner by big ma
jority
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
BOTH BEHIND.

~ didn't see you at the ball game yes
terday.'
Probably not. I was behind a hat"
.'Pshaw! When the game ended I was
behind $10'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Georglans like politics and they have 1t
at white heat every two years. They
were in the throes yesterday but today
1t Is all over-until next time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

A Gotham bride who slapped her hus-
bands face because he bought her a
horse and buggy instead of an automobile
wants to be up-to-date or nothing.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
Good Business Conditions

1T have heard some business men
saw that this has been dull summer
but I have not found it So" said f..
p Raynor of Chicago.
"G spent a few days IN Louisville
on my way south and business condi-
tions seemed to be unusually sound
there. I had not been to Birmingham
since last fall, but l am familiar with
this city and I can honestly say that
it has never looked as good to me as
| 1t does now. Birmingham may not
make quite as large a showing in the
| census as Atlanta has done, but know
it would be safe wager that this place
! In population will lead every city In
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

It's wise man who can guess two
times out of three which way the cat
is going to jump.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
DEPARTED.

when he was a young man he had a
wealth of hair
Another case of riches taking wings"
"Yes?"
Ties quite bald now"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
A CONSERVATIVE

do you take much interest in these
now thought movements?'
mo. There's a great deal of old
thought l don't understand yet
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

According to statistics, there are 200
religious sects in this country. Some of
them are quite wild and woolly.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

One reason why so many of us are poor
is because we can't all be legal advisors
to the noble red man.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
SuccessfuJ TESTS Concluded

1.-THE Pneumatic Jack company has just
concluded what Is regarded as a series of
successful tests with its new jack" said
a man interested in the company. THESE
tests have been made for the purpose of
determining the material best suited for
building the jacks. This experience has
satisfied the officers of the company that
pressed steel is far better for this pur-
pose, for the reason that it Is cheaper,
lighter and more durable than cast steel,
cast iron or tubing. Since this matter
of material is one of great Importance,
and has been decided the company Is now
manufacturer the pressed steel jacks
and will distribute them to the various
railroads where they will be put into i'm
mediate service. They will put on the
market jacks suited to all sorts of shop
and train service.
while these tests and demonstrations
have been concluded, still the company
will be glad to demonstrate this new
model to any one interested. The office
of the company is located at S07 and sos
Empire building, where they will be glad
to have their stockholders and their
friends call to see them"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

One way to get rich quick is to COM
pose a "ragtime'' song.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Echoes of "riotous Reno" are still being
heard In the magazines.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

The man who views with alarm is now
getting ready for his Christmas shop
ping.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

over in Georg-y they think turn about
is fair play and yesterday was Hoke
Smiths turn.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
SEEKING INSPIRATION.

Lets go down to the nearest garage"
said Quiplets.
What do you want to do that for?'
asked Scriblets.
II believe 1 could write an automobile
joke, If 1 could only get Whit of gaso-
line"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
REASONABLE SUSPICION.


1T see where an actress is suing her
husband, who is a female impersonator
for divorce"
Answer me one question"
"Well?" $50
HAS he been wearing his wifs's
clothes?"
AN EXCEPTION.
HE believes in making himself heard
on all possible occasions"
docs he speak up briskly when con-
tributions are called for?'
well, moo, he doesn't"
DESPERATE.
There comes Upper. 1 believe he's
going to tell US another funny story"
Heavens! I hope an automobile will
strike us first"
PRESUMABLY YES.
Are his political methods success
ful?'
well. they are crooked"
WORTH REMEMBERING.
''One of the delegates to the conven-
ton of the Negro Business Mems Leauge
in New York was worth s4,oOo,0oo." .tN
Here's a pointer for the colored BROTH
err"
Lets have it."
That delegate didn't make his money
shooting craps"
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Mayor Gaynor is coming around" and
the chances are that even Gallagher is
glad.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Every day seems to be revolution day
in some of the Central American repub-
lies.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
IMPORTANT PERSON.

IMPORTANT PERSON.
ITO look at Pipps. you'd think he had
the world on his shoulders"
Yes; he seems to think life is a base
ball game and he's always at the bat"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Regulars" and Insurgents eye one
another with equal suspicion.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

A western mule. PAYS the Philadelphia
Inquirer, kicked the stuffing out of a
motorcyclist and his machine. We'd like
to hand the mule a lump of sugar and
a bale of hay just for that.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24

Esperanto will never be as widely un
derstood as money.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-24
About Persons

the south in 1920. except New Or
leans"