davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
[From the Philadelphia RECORD

IFrom the Philadelphia Record
Customer-"Is venison dear now Pc
Butcher-"No.' most OF it is VEAL
Possibly a college education doesn't
always pay, but the old man has got
to.
The laborer who is forced to dig
doesn't always appreciate the dignity
of labor.
Those who marry in haste haven't
always the good fortune to repent at
leisure.
No, Maude, dear, a girl really
shouldn't wear a decollete gown till
her coming out.
If the eyes are the mirrors of the
soul, of course they should be looked
into at once.
Probably woman hates to die be-
cause she doesn't fancy the idea OF
Joining the Silent majority.
It's the unexpected that always hap
pens, especially to the man who is dead
sure he can never be wrong.
Many a man congratulates himself
that he has a good ear for music be-
cause he hapIens to be deaf.
Tomorrow never comes" quoted
the Wise Guy. That's a Comforting
belief for the old maid who breads her
next birthday" added the Simple Mug
Hoax-"A lecture about the Venus
de Milo should always be extern
make that cut?" Hoax-"Oh, just
sort of off hand
On April :. 1891, in this column
appeared the following Joke: BIobbs
ITS fine weather overhead" Slobbs
Yes. but we are not going that
way" Aviation was scarcely dreamed
of in 1891.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
A THEATRICAL REVERE.

For twenty-seven years I've lived for art
And now I'm understudy to the star;
part.
.(Td like to emulate his motor carr
Would hoist the old profession up a peg;
There'd be another planet in the sky =
If only he would slip and break his leg!
look for signs of illness. but I find
He's most stupendous careful of his
He looks SO well and strong I've half a
mind
TIC. FIJI his beer with Knockout drops by
At eenter,stage six evenings in the week
He thrills the mob. Bouquets? He
Through speaking lines that could also
If only he would dislocate his voice!
The stars so oyerrated it's a shame.
And how he gets his pull can't quite
When Mr. Savage hears me do the same
1 guess he'll draw contract up with
At first I'd start in modest: then I'd grow
To Shakespeare parts-try Hamlet for a
I've got the talent. all I needs a show
Say, If the star would only get the
grippe =
When I'm made up for him you wouldn't
Us two apart-we're doubles limb for
If any. night to Rector,s should go.
him
The critics would applaud me to the stars,
The billboards would proclaim another
hit!''
My picture would be pasted on cigars
If only he would fall down in a fit!
The postman brings him notes OF azure
tints;
He says, ''Poor childr' and watts their
costly scent
CThe .postnan came to me this morn with
OF certain chronic deficits in rent.)
The star goes by propelled by gasoline
While I, unbid by fortunes tickle beck,
Am still supported by the thought serene ::
Some day he may fall out and break
his necki'
Wallace irwin. in Smiths Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

A certain Beloit man is getting bald
headed, reports the Call. He gives as
a reason that he is counting two girls.
One dislikes gray hairs and takes pains
to pull them out; the other girl likes
the gray hairs and pulls out the black
ones.
Emmett Dalton confesses that he
has made $4,000 since leaving prison.
He also confesses that he married all
but $4,000 of it. But 1t is not every
man who can come out of prison and
marry money like that.-Lawrence
Journal.
The Wichita Eagle labels as a
cheapness- recommends-it item from
the Hutchinson Gazette. the following:
Topeka is trying to raise 100000 to
put its state fair on its feet. Hutch
inson is offered a. live. up-to-date,
money producing state fair for
$4,000.
zone of the newspaper men who
visited Wichita recently says Lew
Smucker in the Wichita Eagle. Says
the street cars here are like those To-
peka used to have. They are not. To-
peka never had street cars which
could gallop. The only galloping street
cars on exhibition in the world are in
Wichita
The Barton County Democrat an
nounces that the season has opened
for the office hunters. A license fee
of So for each hunter will secure the
registration of their names in the pa
per and give them the right to catch
any office that happens to be at large.
The fire that injured George H.
Hodges was a calamity of more than
local Importance. The Hodges Broth
ers started on nothing, and have built
up a fine business. They have worked
hard and won and their success has
been on honorable and worthy lines.
Senator Hodges has taken time from
his business to devote to statesman
ship and has been a man whose ideals
have been high and whose achieve
ments have been noteworthy.-Law
renee Journal
1t is related. says the Atchison
Globe, that once upon a time Daysey
Mayme Appleton attended a musical
entertainment in which there were
five fiddIers who had to give their in
struments the usual amount of pre-
liminary attention before playing. The
curtain had gone up, and the five men
tuned, and adjusted their strings, and
adjusted them again. isn't that beau
tiful?" said Daysey Wayne. wearing
the rapt, far-away expression she had
read about in books. THAT is the
Ungarische Lustpiel, from Bella, and /
just love it, Then the men. having
adjusted their strings to suit them,
struck up MY Bonny Lies Over the
Ocean, But Daysey Mayme was not
crushed. She thinks they played two
pieces and that the first was so much
finer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
[From the chicaEo News.I

lFrom the Chicago News.1
A mans friends are no better or no
worse than he deserves.
There is more room at the top when
the elevator isn't running.
Forced hon estv Is like a dollhouse
plant. It can't stand the cold.
Soon the gay suburbanite will begin
to raise blistets in his garden.
More married man than old bach
elors have been disappointed in love.
There is something queer about the
girl who can't be interested in fiirta-
ton.
Perhaps nothing worries a woman
more than to have something to tell
and no one to tell IT to.
We sometimes think the Lord
created old maids for the purpose OF
making married women envious.
Women are supposed to be the slaves
OF fashion. but it's a. mistake. Men are
the real slaves, inasmuch as they have
to pay the freight.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.I

From the New York Press.1
The way never to do a thing is to
make a good resolution about it.
A girl has strong scrup1es against
flirting with 4 man after she is tired of
him.
No matter how often a man falls in
love he can do 1t more foolishly next
time.
There are mighty few of US who don't
put a higher value on pleasure than
happiness till It is too late to get the
latter
1t takes a farmer to follow advice in
newspaper agricultural notes written
by a man who doesn't know a pump
kin from a haystack-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Hope is a fine thing if it is not di-
rected toward impossibilities.
n X
Most self 1aade men never miss a
chance to call attention to that fact.
e n u
Little is heard about the fishing
trips which are not very successful.
X 4
Manv and varied are the opportuni-
ties for age to toss a smile at youth.
x x X
Trouble hunters usually find consid-
erably more than they go looking for.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

able. But they surely have the right
to question the proposition. And for
doing so the state retaliates with an
order reducing freight rates. This
savors OF the 'tit-for-tat' activities of
childhood. 1t is not to be justified on
any score. If the freight rates of Ok
lahoma are too high steps should be
taken to reduce them. But that is a
different matter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

gains. If the Republican s'insurgents''
have the real interest OF their party at
heart they will get together with the
regular Republicans and make an eff
fort to stem this tide. If they haven't.
they will keep on as they are now doing
and make political capital and ammu-
milton for the Democrats
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Now is the time for the promoters
OF the state fair to take up with the
railroads the matter OF getting special
rates to Topeka during the time the
fair will be under way. If this impor-
tant proposition is put of until the
eleventh hour like it was last year,
Rhere need be no expectation that such
rates will be secured.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
HER ROSARY.

A chain of gold. pearl-strung; SYM
boiled cross.
The imaged form of Him who hung
thereon
For love, in whose great name thy prayer
Ascends for me, my sweet, when am
gomez
oh, vigils> OF thy hearth oh, sacred pearls.
Worn by thy fingers as thou pleadst my
Weali
The only answering need have for thee
Is mine own soul, sealed with love
scarlet seafi
Richard wightman in Cosmopolitan.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
Heroic 4First-Nighter."

Men indulge curious ambitions Some
have been known to follow the engines
to every fire or to attend every ball game.
Others have aspired to eat so quail in 80
days. An esthetic equivalent OF these
feats was undertaken by the prominent
ness every opening performance at the
theater, and to him clearly belongs the
palm.
He set himself in the name of amuse-
ment a task from which conscientious
professional critics shrink in the line of
duty. Assuming that he consistently adj
hered to his program, he attended 156
season of 40 weeks. He saw "A new plays
and "a revivals of old plays. 81 musical
comedies. and IL Shakespearean revivals.
What amount of confused and tenuous
plots. of inane dialogues, of revamped
witticisn1s and juggling melody he heard
along with a little that was worth while
"a modicum of pathos that rang true, Of
uine acting in strong situations. If a
play is useful as purge or the emotions
as Aristotle said, the emotions of this
persistent first-nighter, his sternly re-
pressed impulses to tears and laughter,
must have been in a readily responsive
state.
No doubt it was liberal education of
it's kind To have looked upon every
chorus girl in New York and seen every
show girl in her languorous poses, to have
followed the really competent actors
through their seasons repertoire-that is
surely something, though the allowance
of wheat to chaH may be small Yet the
ordeal which was so heroically endured in
the pursuit of pleasure. Was 1t as
suit of the task that he was never known
to smile?-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Mrs Maude Ballington Booth. of
salvation Army fame. is out with the
suggestion that bells should be placed
ON the necxg of cats SO that birds can
DO warned of their approach. The
idea is an excellent one. But. in all
probability, the birds would soon be-
come so accustomed to the constant
tinkiing of the bells that they would
get careless OF the dangers surround
ing them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Now that the municipal campaign
has been disposed of. the candidates
for county Offices have Immediately en-
tered the political arena with renewed
activity. The state campaign will also
be on in full blast soon. There Is
never an end these days to politics.
What a relief 1t would be If terms OF
Office were so heightened that political
campaigns would only come around
once every few wears?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Presumably there viii be a general
exodus TO the Canadian border of the
United states. Because of the ma
teriaI reduction in the tariff on cream,
It is proposed to make real butter
along the Canadian frontier from Can
adam cream which can be marketed
ct q price 25 per cent cheaper than
butter made from United States cream.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Score another good mark for the
Provident association. 1t is going to
establish an open-air camp for con-
eumptives. This institution Is worthy
Of the generous support of all To-
pekans. 1t provides them with the
opportunity Of dispensing charity in
channels where 1t will be most efrec-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
PucIxerIess persinmons.

The puckerless .persimmon is the latest
discovery for the table of the American
epicure. Brought from Tibet by Prof.
Meyer. the new fruit has been sent by
the agricultural department to California,
where it has exhibited remarkable growth
1t will form valuable acquisition to our
long array of good things to eat. Called
relished that the Tibetans consider it a
gift from the gods.
This is only one of the finds unearthed
of the nations. Others include cabbage
as big a Washtub. Chinese radishes as
large as cauliflowers, and edible broom
corn.
President Taft will be especially interest
ed in the new persimmon, as he Is partial
to persimmon beer, which. as every one
knows. can be made after the persimn1ons
can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
HUAOR or THE DAY


mo. our new chauffeur is perfectly safe.
Other 9th e fellow 40 that Where ala yo1 Ses
him?' Abroad. He was a croupier at
Monte Carlo.'-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
.shylock was bargaining for his pound OF
flesh. Nothing doing answered Portis.
understanding the term, Shakespeare
Wrote up different version.-New York
Sun.
Il don't like your heart action" the doc
tor said. applying the stethoscope again.
You have had some trouble with angina
pectoris." you're partly right, doctor"
said the young man, sheepishly; only
wifey-Don,t you want to go shopping
YOU YOU d %e love eF Hu 6aS 90:
love you SO much that don't want to
run the risk of a permanent separation
Chicago Journal
"A man should not go around the house
interfering with things he knows nothing
about" What do you know about that?"
wen, saw. something that looked like a
battered bird cage without a bird in It.
wife get new hat."-Buffalo Express.
my scissors, too" said the spoiled wife.
They're on the table in the bedroom.
complained the indulgent husband, I'm
Are you: dear? Wen, Just 6s patient
way."-Catholic Standard.
,He-would you rather be beautiful or
clever? She-Beautiful, L think. You see,
there are lots Of stupid men, but only a
few blind Ones.-Boston Transcript.
It can't get along with that cook" but
have you tried diplomacy, my dear7" II
ports. NV ashington Herald
,u %s f1r III. d SS We P Psss y gs %
ia zen ma oath no tae touch whusky again
except as a medicine ''Eh, Tam, then
a life o. sickness. Tit Bits.
aBsss %s9ps1y s sqIq the SsPs
the gentleman from Chicago, running a
sIeaS ~ @ye up ard SS% tae
have been a swell subject for a moving
picture act."-Puck.
Scorcher-Have you heard the latest
auto record? Fleigher--No; what is e.?
Scorcher-An auto made an hour in min
utes!-Puck.
Knicker-Jones is all the time wanting
more money. Bocker-No wonder; HIS
father was a college president and his
mother was a woman.-New York Sun.
He's a queer fellow What makes
silver match box for Christmas and he
still keeps his matches in it."-Cleveland
Leader.
Mrs, Muggins-Does your HUSBAND take
you into his confidence concerning his
business affairs? Mrs. Biggins-Only
when he isn't making any money.-Phil-
THAT fellow drawls his as and drops
his his continually. He has the greatest
respect for everything English" Yes"
replied Miss Cayenne, everything except
the English language. "-Washington Star.
Strange" murmured the editor. that
this anecdote of George Washington has
never been in print before" Not at all"
explained the occasional contributor. ''I
only thought Of it last night."-Pittsburg
Post.
HE says he courts the fullest investi-
cation possible He has nothing whatever
hired three of the cleverest lawyers in
town to prove it."-Detroit Free Press.
Muriel Qetting him down easy)-I should
advise you not to take IL to heart might
prove a most undesirable wife. Marriage
is a lottery you know. Malcolm Otter
ly)-It strikes me as more like a raffle
One man gets the prize and the others get
the shake.-Smart Set.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

State elections are not going to be
Influenced by political appointments
made from tire White House IL Presi-
dent Taft cal prevent it. This is
among the latest news from Washing
ton and it has the ring of the right
kind of business to it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Everybody will insist on being from
Missouri in connection with the f1sh
tale from California that W. N. McMil-
Ian, of .Ju Ju ranch fame. recently
caught a sunnsh of the Catalina is
lends shat weighed 1900 pounds, and
especially in view Of the fact that he
landed this monster with the lightest
Kind of fishing tackle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

In all Of the elections which, have
been held recently in various sections
OF the country where partisan ques-
tions have been raised, it's a noticeable
fact that the Democrats are either win
ming victories or making extensive
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Peru and Ecuador are getting ready
for q fight. The~Universa1 Peace So
ciety ought to send A--whoppfng big
circus down there to play months
engagement on the border line between
these nations.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Another Daniel has come to judg-
nnent. A Chicago Judge has ruled that
a man has a right to squander a little
of his earnings on himself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07
FROM OTHER PENS
KEEP THE PONDER DRY.

1t is the fashion to decry and de-
nounce these Americans who would
keep the powder dry when coming
in contract automatically or otherwise,
with Japan. 1.-The lady doth protest
too much. methinks." Everybody in
Japan is insisting that war between
that country and ours is both absurd
and impossible; but that is precisely
war with Russia that came suddenly
and proved costly and bloody.
1t was a clap of thunder from a
serene sky-the assault on Port
Arthur, that was the unheralded be-
ginning of one of the greatest and
one of the bravest wars of mankind.
1t is rather persistently asserted that
Japan has no money to finance a big
war; but how if she should begin to
imagine that it would turn out q pro-
fitable enterprise? We all know what
an immense indemnity she expected
from Russia as the price of defeat and
how the president of the United States
brought about peace without so great
sacrifice on the part of the vanquished.
If Japan is absolutely friendly, she
cannot take offense if we take meas
ures to protect ourselves even from
struggle they say is impossible. AS
Oliver Cromwell said. Trust in God,
but keep your powder dry. AS for
Japanese alliance. it is simply out OF
the Observation-Disclosures Post.
THE HORSESHOE DEBATE.
The horseshoe is a sign of good luck
until it gets into Congress, and then II
betokens a row. The item of expense
of shooting the horses owned by the
federal government and used by the
Secretary of State on official business
precipitated a varicolored debate on
the floor of the House recently. in
which the leaders of all factions waxed
oratorica1 and hurled defiance across
the hall with a spirit recalling ante
bellum days. Champ Clark'S ire was
so aroused that in his vigorous inquiry
about the appropriation of $4,000 an
nua1ly for the care of the government
stables he demonstrated conclusively
that he is really from Missouri.
Just what it costs to take care of
four horses and three vehicles and
have them at call day and night has
not even yet been ascertained. al
though during the progress of the de-
bate the cost of shoeing horses in al
most every state in the Union was an
nounced, OF course. this was not done
officially, and the testimony could
hardly be called expert, for none OF
the congressman are or have been FAR
riers. But the Democratic leaders ap-
parent1y thought they had discovered
''some choice bits of campaign ma
terial.'' and we may hear from them
again on the same subject.-Omaha
Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Extreme nicdesty appears to be a
mtrong forte with all prize fighters eff
everyone was like me, it would be a
good world Is the opinion of Mr..
Jack Johnson
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Most Of the corporation laws of Kan
eas appear 20 be radically wrong in
structure. At least, that is the way
the supreme court of the United States
looks at them
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Noting the remark of former Gov
ernor Hoch: at love Tom Wagstaff,'
the Kansas City Star calls attention to
the fact that she didn't add anything
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

History win do me full Justice" says
Senator JEFF Davis OF Arkansas. OF
what advantage, however, with that be
70 Ieff3
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

Are not the anti-pass laws being vio-
lated and undue discrimination being
shown by the railroads and the express
companies Of California in carrying
'lady bugs free OF charge? 1t would
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

During Colonel Roosevelt's visit in
Germany Emperor William is going to
throw court precedence to the winds.
This is going to save the distinguished
guest a whole lot of trouble.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-07

II the home is this worlds heaven"
as Chicago preacher declares, the di-