The Alaska citizen., 1910-09-05

ing is nah crave l got a car outside that's done took me 93 mile a hCu,. They sold her to me to run q hun dred miles an hour, and if she lasts I'm goin' to git it out of her some of these days. Not no airships fur me. JeS' gimme nah little ninety hoss power buzz buggy. All l got 10 do is jest to climb into her, and pull handle out and she says 'Tut-tut. just like that, and then me and her is gone from here
 Five Policemen Chase His Auto
 You shore does do that very thing" put in Thespian Williams. "I saw you last night, Jack, and they wuz five policemen chasin you all at onct betcher dat car of your'n goes twenty miles an hour when she standing still
 'I reckon you is about right" said the other star with d happy grin. Tell you what. Bert, I'll take you to Harlem tonight faster'n you ever went there yit. Whucchur say?'
 Much obliged, but I guess l kin walk" said Williams. Any time ride in that car, with you drivin', I'll already be daid. You couldn't take me nowhars. onlessen 'twuZ to a buryin' ground, and me the cold meat"
 All right, suh, any time. to oblige friend-any time tall" answered Jack. From which it may be seen that the two leading theatrical at fractions of the present time both excel in that gift of whimsical exag gerated hyperbole which forms the chine. the backbone and ribs, of their racial humor.
 Again some one of the company had the bad taste to renew the vul- subject of fisticuffs.
 "Doin very well where I is said Jack, very well, indeed. Eatin' well, Twin we'll drivin' round free as bird in mah two cars, spendin' some money and savin' some-that suits me, and l ain't thinkin' very much bout fightin' Fact is l don't seem to notice nobody that kin fight with me. I think I'll stick to this as long as l seem to care for it. Only the| musnt ask me to go out on one-night stands. Them one-night stands just natchelly breaks up mah rest some thing scandalous."
 Roustabout Comes to the Surface.
 Up to this point the AfroAmerican automobile fancier and vaudeville en- tertainer had had the floor Now all of a sudden the Galveston roustabout came back to the surface.
 But, Lawsee me, l kin remember bout ten yeahs back when ef you'd come to me and told me that l could travel round all over the coun- try in a car with window to look out at the scenery, and sleep in a different town every night, I'd thought you wuz promising me trip to heaven. That's the way, though-the noah you gifts the noah you wants. Only l got all l wants"
 What did you train on for your first fight?" asked an inquisitive one.
 Stick gin and chitterlings," said the Galveston roustabout with rumble of laughter that shook his huge sprawling form almost out of the small chair on which it was slumped together, and frum time to time some poke chops and fried cabbage. Glad to git 'em, too.
 Then when I went up to Spring field, H., and started to tightin' reg lar l trained on milk and pie, w'ich they wuz both of 'em fillin' and the cheapest fur the money. If anybody had hit he right hard in the chist then I 'spect they'd a knocked GUS tard pie and stream of milk right out of nah mouth"
 The Afro-American came to the top again:
 "Bertie, look here at these here fiat-heeled drivin' shoes of mine. Cost me ten a pair, but they's the only things for drivin' a car in. No heels to git tangled up in the gearin's. And what you think bout this here silk ondershirt-huh?
 "Speak'n' of clothes, Misterer John son." said Abe Potash's cousin, "speakin' of clothes, now, Misterer Johnson, I'd like to show you the samples l have outside. Those suit ings, believe me, l assure you, would please you something immense, Mis- terer Johnson. You would feel good in them."
 "Yessah, that's what they all says" was the blithe answer. Jest like when flee bites you in the sum- mer time, you scratch it and it feels good. But you'd feel better if you'd hadn't been bit"
 Nobody laughed as loud as Abe Potash's cousin at this sally, unless 1t was Sig Hart Sig almost rolled out of his chair.