The Holbrook news., 1910-07-15

Wlgwsg-I never knew such a fel- low as Bjonesl He is always looking for trouble. Henpecked-Then why doesn't he get married? = Boston Courier.
 Willie-Ma, can't I go out on the street for a little while? Tommy Jones says there's comet to be seen Mother-Well. yes; but don't you go too near.
 Tt wasn't much trouble to wind up poor old Sleezem's affairs when he died" "No?" "All the property he left behind was a silver watch."-Bir- mingham Age-Herald.
 My new hat Is a poem." she said enthusiastically. "I have just received the bill for it," replied he. T don't understand these stories of so many poets dying in poverty. Washington Star
 Why do you make that patient wait three hours every day in your ante room?" He needs rest" explained the doctor, ''and that is the only way I can compel him to take it."-Cour- ier-Journal
 English is funny language. after all. isn't it?' Why so?" q heard a man talking of a political candidate the other day say: If he only takes this stand when he runs he'll have a walk-over'"
 Fancier-This dog. madam. would be cheap at $1OO Lady-I would take him; but I'm afraid my husband might object Fancier-Madam. you can get another husband much easier than a dog like that.
 Squire Durnitt (of Lonelyville)- Our towns got the four biggest liars in the State. Uncle Welby Gosh (of Drearyhurst)-I guess that's right. You're three Of 'em. Who's the fourth? Chicago Tribune.
 Chief of Detectives-Now give us a description of your missing cashier. How tall was he? Business Man-I don't know how tall he was What worries me is that he was s25,000 Philadelphia Record.
 Have you been married, Bridget?" "Twicet, mum" And have you any children?" ''Yis, mum-Pve three. One be tn third wife av me second husband. an two be the second wife av me first."-Cleveland Leader.
 My dear brother said the cleri- cal looking man. "are you doing any thing to keep your brother from fall ing?" Why. yes," was the reply. I'm interested in concern that manufactures lamp-posts!" - Boston Courier.
 Mrs. Staryem-How do you like the chicken soup, MT. Newbord? MT. wbord-Oh-er-is this chicken soup? Mrs. Starvem-Certainly. how do you like it? MT. Newbord- Well er-it's certainly very tender.-Catho- lie Standard and Times.
 Author-Have courage, my boy, tried for ten years to sell my manu- script and finally Literary Aspi- rant-You succeeded? Author-No. was the means of raising the local postofice from the third to the second class-Chicago Daily News.
 "I believe we ought to have a change in our constitution. providing that only citizens who could read and write good English should be permit ted to vote" Whats your object? Do you want to shut out the college graduates ?"-Chicago Record-Herald.
 Before we were married.'' signs the fond wife, you used to call me up by long-distance telephone just to hear my voice. We'll" retorts the rebel IIous husband. nowadays you won't let me get far enough from you to use the long-distance. Chicago Post.
 q endeavor not to make any dis tinction as to my servants" says the new mistress My rule Is to treat each of them as one of the family" "Yes, num-" replies the new girl. "but if it's all the same to you I'd rather be treated with respect. "-Chi- cago Post.
 50 you think the buffers are fax ing about their extended European tour?' ''I should say so. They said there were so many Americans in Ven- ice that many had to walk in the middle of the street?" ''Wei1?- Why. the streets of Venice are canals."- Springfield Union
 The Man-Did you notice that wom- an we just passed? The Woman-The one with blond puffs and fur hat and a military cape. who was dread fully made up. and had awfully soiied gloves on? The Man-Yes. that one. The Woman-No. I didn't notice her. Leader.
 Mrs. Crimsonbeak-It Is said that the five great original forests of the United States covered eight hundred and fifty million acres and contained billion feet of lumber. MT. those days. you se-a. there was some place for man to g when kis wife cleaned house.-Yonk- CTS Statesman.
 "I understand, Miss Araminta," said the professor, that you are inclined toward literature" Yes" said the blushing spinster. ''I wrote for the Bugle Magazine last month" "In- ieedI May I ask what?" asked tha