Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-02
.HUM0R0F THE GREEKS

Wit That Helped the Ancients
] Drive Dull Care Away.
/, SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
] The Absentninded Professor Was .
I Prolific Source Of Merriment to the
(. testers Of Those Days-The Source
I Of idany Modern Jokes.
The maxim that there is nothing
rev under the sun applies. it would
seem. more truly to jokes and With
cisms than 10 anything else. The chief
differences between the jests of one
generation and that of another lie
mainly III their form. The kernel is
practically the same. Nevertheless il
Is Interesting to eNillme some of these
ancient Jokes and to recognize in them
the ancestors of the things at which
we laugh today in the pages of our
humorous publications..
Some humorous; writer's dearly love
To make fua o: u" a;,scntninded, i'm.
prsctic;'l '';,i'i's,; -. professor who
outside 9" subject lets his
wits VIZ r.: l., Very slow TO grasp
nnytl.i!i., in '.,.i:.aly life. Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
by the students and graduates of the
great universities III ancient Greece
for it is a mistake to suppose that
what we How call college life" was
unknown to the ancients.
AS Il matter Of fact. the student ut
the University CT Athens or Mt the
University of Alexandria was very
much the same sort of mortal as is
the student today. and his professors
We're, not SO very different.
n witty GrceN named Uierocles, a
| graduate of Alexandria. collected some
time in the fifth ocntErv ~ volume Of
1 iests which we're current among the
| students with regard to the woo.watb
crllig type OF professor. A number of
them are translated here as being of
considerable interest in the history of
huGor and especially Of college hui
/ NOR:
| n professor. wishing to swim. was
nearly drowned. whereupon lie sworc
that lie would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim.
az twin brothers, one died. \ pro-
fcssor thcreupon. meeting the sur
vivor. asked. els 1t you that died or
yolr brotheT:''
y professor IAari'ia:. that raven
wrn'd l.v" fer more than go years.
bought CHE to tc the matter.
y prs: ess.'r. Wishing to cr.ss a river.
Went On board the boat OH horseback.
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he waited to get over
In IL hurry.
a professor. looi;i.. cut Of the win
dow Of !; house witch liz Lad bought
asked the lslssershy whether the house
was bccnss.:l!g to him.
\ isefcssnr. meeting another pro-
feFsor said. II Heard You were dead
"Aad yet. replied the other you see
that ;1!l sill alive" We'll" said
the frs, in i.erp!cSity. 81 don't know
what to believe. for the man who told
me about 1t is a much more truthful
MIN than yon.."
\ professor. IL danger Of being ship
wrecked. called for his tablets that he
might make his will. Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate, he
said. "Do not gricve for am going to
set you fire.
a professor dreamed that lie had
trot.den OF 1: nail and that the wound
panied him. On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor. having
learned the cause. remarked, sit served
you right. for why do you sleep with
out sandals!"
y professor. meeting IL doctor. hid
himself behind Il WALL Some one ask
ing tho cause. he answered, II have
not been sick fer so long time am
ashamed 70 come into the sight of a
physician"
"A professor. wishing to teach his
horse to he Il small eater. gave him no
food ut all. AT length, the horse hav.
Ing starved to death. the professor ex-
ella led. II have suffered great loss.
Tor just as he had learned not TO eat he
| died."
A professor, visiting IL sick person,
inquired about his health. The invalid,
however, was not able to reply. There
upon the professor being angry and
scolding the man. said, II hope that
shall be sick some Of these days. and
then when you come to ask how am
l will not answer
A professor sealed up vessel of
wine which lie had bought. His serv-
ant having made Il hole In the vessel
beneath aid drawn Off some of the
Wine. the professor was aStonished to
see the contents diminished white the
seals remained unbrolleu \ nei2hbor
having told him to look whether 1t had
not been taken ont from below, lie re-
piled. WHY. you fool. it's the upper
part of tho wine and not the lower
that is missing.
a professor. bald man and a bar
Der travelling together agreed to keep
watch in turn four hours. each while
the others slept. The barber's turn
came first. He quietly shaved the
head Of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him.
The latter. scratching his head as he
got up and finding 1t bare, cried out:
"What rascal that barber is! He's
walked the bald man instead Of mev'--