Douglas Island news., 1910-05-25
A Swind1e Exposed

made to witness the grasping greed ot corporations in their attempt to gobble up the natural resources of the coun- try, but they must continually guard against being taken in by fake mining companies. The latest swindle to be brought to our attention, however, is that set forth in the prospectus of the Alaska Gooseline Development < EX. ploration company, copy of which was handed us by an intended victim, resident of Douglas Island. The Island man was not caught by the en- ticing snare of the company, but wrote the following letter exposing it's fraud, which we print with the permission of the writer and in the hope that others will be warned in time:
 Alaska Goosoline Development & EX-
 ploration Co.
 "Gentlemen:-Your prospectus, eX- solling the merits of the Goosoliae in dustry received and contents noted, and would suggest that you, gentle men, burn any remaining prospectuses and take little advice from one who knows the Goose business from A to z. l wish to inform the Alaska Goosoline Development & Exploration company that they are 'quacking' on the wrong trail for profits. As to d goose laying five eggs per week, you sure have not profited by your twenty years of goose study. 1 am going to give you some demonstrated facts concerning the Goosoline business.
 'My star goose laid five eggs per year (tnis year., and it cost me $40 for au incubator to hatch said five eggs. The Standard Oii Go. soaked me for ten gallons of their best to keep the in cubator hot enough to make Goosoline fruit warm enough to feel the great 'cosmic urge within, and get move Sn. Four long weeks it takes for the great 'c0smic urg~ tO coax a Goosoline embryo to come out and take look around; and in the meantime, all the goose expert has to do is to peep through the skylight in the urge" box and watch two high priced thermom eters wiggle up aud down, trying to skin each other and register before election. Meanwhile the said expert must not neglect to keep an eagle eye on the Standard Oil intake consumer and see that it don't smoke the Tread we'll Fire Department out on a false alarm, and drown the spark. After four weeks of this monkey doodle bus mess, beg to inform you gentlemen that but one of the five eggs paid any attention 10 the great 'cosmic urge or the added boost of the Standard Oil O., and the rest refused to come through
 E&I beg to inform the honorable A. G. D. & Co. that that one Goosoliuett, who represents the years output, has some thing wrong with it's steering gear; the propellors are on the extreme sides in. stead of under the sterng and fear by the time the said Goosolinett grows up, Gastineau channel will not be wide enough for it to swim in, as it's width is greatly increasing. And furthermore, must inform your honorable body that the goose which laid the five eggs per year is suffering with locomotor ataxia Cor in other words, stuck in the centerl. So you see, gentlemen, the worthlessness of goose oil as lubri. eating compound. l find through eX- perimenting with goose oil on sub- marine engines, said oil increases the exhaust quack in an alarming degree, to say nothing of the 'commingling of vile odors.' And speaking of by-pro- ducts of the goose find in order to save the aforesaid that must build stalls for all geese And figuring up cost of stall per goose, wages of by-product collector, receptacle for holding said by-product and shipping charges to Killisnoo Guano < Fertilizer Go. there remains one cent profit every ten years.
 "Your talk of plucking quills from an Alaskan goose-I advise you not to try it. While I find it doesn't affect the general production of the flock 49 per cent, it does materially affect the flesh on the calves of the legs.
 "Now, gentlemen, if you are still de- termined to embark in the Goosoline business, take my advice and use the sGuggenheim' idea of incubation; the everlasting 'Wick' that requires no tnrnino yD or down and warranted to