Los Angeles herald., 1910-10-16
TELLS HOW To BECOME
SUCCESSFUL ROAD HOG
Autoist Who Cares Nothing for
Comfort of Others Al
ways Well Liked

To be a successful road hog requires
plenty of nerve and don't care" Con-
sideration for other members of the
human race disqualifies you for the
degree Bristles along the spine help
in your calling, but they are not an
| essential. Some men are born to this
| degree, and by others it is acquired.
This advice and helpful instruction is
for the latter only.
The first and most essential thing
to do is when you are driving al
ways keep right in the middle of the
path If there is a deep ditch on the
side of the road so much the better. If
you always do this, particularly when
driving a heavy team slowly it Will
count you 100 points.
If the space between the car track
and the curb is just wide enough for
two vehicles and you will stick to the
middle of it you get 80 points.
The whole object is to make the fell
low who wants to drive a little faster
than you do either pull into the ditch
or across the car track; he likes it.
II you are real skillful, when this
man tries to pass you pull just little
toward the side he is passing on. SO
that he will have to get farther out.
If he should come up behind you,
where the road is wide, speed up and
keep ahead of him until you find
narrow place, then slow down. This
counts 12O points.
Don't by any chance pull to the right
and let him pass freely. He might
thank you, and this would cost you so
points minus.
When you come to a crossing either
rush it and let everybody else get out
of the way $50 points, or else cross as
slowly as possible; say half mile tn
hour, and let all the rest wait $2O
points,.
When you reach a corner in the con-
gested section don't take any notice
of the traffic policeman. He's there just
as an ornament. You butt in" and
make that crossing and let all the
others keep out of your way. Counts
3S points.
If there is trolley going north and
you are going east drive right UP close
to the trolley and stop. You can't
cross, but you may stop fifty people
who want to go south, and every one
counts you % points. Besides that last
ten feet you made to get close to the
trolley may save you one second, and
time is money. Again, if you should
wait until there was a chance for you
to. cross you might prevent several
men swearing, and any such considera-
ton would cost you 100 points minus.
If you should stop before your vehicle
was on the crosswalk and wait until
you had a reasonable chance to make
the crossing you might please the cop
and several other people, besides obey
ing the law. This would almost dis
qualify you and would certainly cost
1000 points minus.
If you see a woman or a kid" cross
ing the street put on more steam"
and ''wobble" from side to side. They
like it. If you can scare them out of
years growth you get go points
credit.
If you see a vehicle approaching look
at it quickly. If it is lighter than
yours stick to the middle of the road
and tell the other fellow to go to
Harlem; 65 points. If it is real heavy
and the driver doesn't look "easy' just
give him as little of the road as pos
sible. No count.
If you want to turn round in the
street never look behind you or signal
anyone approaching. cit would be
legaD. Just swing round as quickly
as possible and let everybody take their
chance. If you can make man smash
something in trying not to hit you
you get 81 points.
If you are driving a loaded team
don't get near the curb. 1t would be
according to law and would cost 90
points minus.
If you are driving an automobile
dIleI u ClOCk dl HlSHl u6NGI iIONS
without the cut-out open There might
be someone in that neighborhood who
wouldn't wake up unless you did, and
failure to rouse the whole country will
cost you 500 points minus, while if you
do it successfully you are credited
500 points.
If you can "butt in" and hold up
any man who is travelling peaceably
you get 20 points minute for each
person.
If you own an automobile always
make all the noise possible. 1t pleases
people and makes them more friendly
toward the motor car. For this you
are credited 10 to 100 points, according
to the racket.
Never obey the law. traffic regula-
tions or the traffic policeman's signs
they are of no account. You own the
earth, and make all the rest get off.
Further and more complete instruc-
tions will cheerfully be given on per-
sonal application to the author