The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-12-25
GIRLS HAVE HARD
TASK Tn CHOOSING
RIGHT HUSBAND


and not the woman, does the asking be-
fore marriage. In point Of fact q girl
has quite as much 10 do with choosing
a husband as a man has in choosing a
wife The actual question which precedes
betrothal is. Of course. among Us. the
province Of the man, and the girl simply
answers as her heart and conscience
dictate in the negative or affirmative.
Her yes or her no" is, however, in
a very real sense given before her sutton
declares himself, and girl who means
10 say no" Is neither Kind nor womaniy
if she allows her friend TO reach the mo-
ment when he has the modification OF
hearing the unwelcome monosyllable in
plain language She can easily show him
by her manner without causing him the
slightest humiliation, that while his
friendship is agreeable, his love is not
wanted.
am writing this particular talk, be
cause ! have lately received several let
ters in which puzzled girls have related
bits OF experience. sometimes pleasant
and sometimes the opposite The cor
seriously what young people Of both
sexes should look for in marriage. have
had especially in mind what the average
girl should exact when she Is sought,
apparently OF really by a man who de-
sires her 20 enter with him upon the life
Of partnership Of wedlock,
Here let me say briefly that marriage
,aos
weather. for health. wealth, and good
times It NAV be for all these, but IS
for wintry storms, misfortunes, illness,
poverty and hard times. too, If these
happen to come in the course OF the
earthly journey. A man and woman
who have pledged themselves TO blend
their lives IN sacred union, who have
taken solemn VOWS of loyalty and good
faith, are to- share and share alike, let
what NAV befan In old Roman days
the soldiers oath was sacramento 1t
was never to be broken. and in modern
times the man and the woman who
marry take upon themselves VOWS when
should be sacramento in their eyes.
This is a thing TO be well considered
hitl a gin u t--Aho1Atie A4A' N--N w ''---'--
she will cling and who win cling to her
from youth until age I repeat that she
does as much OF the choosing as her
lover. although the formal asking is his
part or the preliminaries She is more
at liberty than he. for she may give or
withhold consent. and ask period IN
which 20 make up her mind, If she is un-
omit d mi soil
cannot we'll retire in the situation should
he. by any chance, regret his act.
A young girl evidently well educated
and intelligent. well born, well bred, IN
doubtedly attractive and winning and
able to earn her own support was mo-
nopolized for several years consecutively
bv a man whose business pursuits
brought him into frequent relations with
her. he called upon her periodically and
often. He told her repeatedly that she
was the only woman for whom he felt
an atom of love He reproached her be
cause she did not admit that she felt
for MIN quite so much affection as ne
professed but he refrained from making
anv definite statement which would
have led her 10 fuller recognition or
her own heart In fact, she felt herself
10 be always on guard against herself
lest she should 90 too far, and against
him, because there was an undercurrent
which made her disbelieye his sincerity
In the mean time he criticised her dress,
her manners, and her mode OF speech,
and was jealous in the extreme II she
treated other friends with courtesy or
with more than mere civility. while still
there was no shadow of an engagement
I.r d. FINALLY had
a long illness. temporarily lost her good
looks. and had 20 give up her situation
and go back for a while from the city
% her country home. In due course she
was notified Of the mans engagement
20 another girl Her letter revealed to
me that she had undergone a disap-
pointment a hurt 20 her pride as truly
as 10 her possible love. In this case the
man had behaved nworthily and had
probably never seriously intended any
thing beyond amusement and the agree
able passing OF his leisure He had not
said or done anything delicate or i'm
moral in the rough and brutal sense Of
those terms. Vet he had not been manly
and he had violated the code Of honor
which belongs 10 the man who Is IN
heart and soul entitled 10 wear the name
Of a gentleman The girl was 20 be con-
graduated that she had not drlfled into
a sentiment deep enough 90 be called
love She was further to be congratu-
lated that the man had not deliberately
asked her 10 be his wife. Had he done
So and had her answer been eyes" the
marriage could hardly have been a hap
py one a man who COndescends to a
Irritation. knowing that it may eclipse
the gladness of a girls life; a man who
heedlcssly OF purposely causes the world
- suppose that he is seeking a girls
hand i'm marriage. when all the while he
is selhshly enjoying her company and
keeping others from her society, with no
serious and honest intention OF his own,
is not the man who will make a good
husband. girl should not choose that
type Of man.
1 wish the girls Of to-day would set a
higher value than they do upon them
selves. The gift a girl makes when she
bestOWs her love upon the man of her
choice is beyond price. Equally this may
be said OF the gift made by the man to
the woman of his choice Each suTTen-
ders to the other the whole OF life They
are to drink from the same cup, break
the same bread and dwell under the
same roof.
When a girl writes 10 me that she is
uncertain whether she loves a man who
courts her, that she likes him while he
is present, forgets him when he is alb
sent, and is a trife ashamed Of him
If he Is III dressed. has no tastes as
10 collars and ties. and makes occasional
lapses in grammar, 1 am reasonably sure
that she does not love him, and / am
also sure that he can find somewhere
else a girl better worth his seeking and
counting, What can i say. however, il
this girl not knowing her own mind and
not able Ia see the gold Of true love
because there is a lack or polish, sends
the man away. and then, when too late
writes inquiring how she may get him
back? She ought not TO make such an in