The Holbrook news., 1910-03-11
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Bess-That's qaint ring you arc wearing. Is 1t an heirloom? Tess Well, it dates from the Conquest.
 'iThe world wipes its feet on me-" said the doormat And every mans hand is against me-" said the push button
 She-You've seen Charley's wife Would you call her pretty? He-l might if were talking to Charley.
 If you had to choose between me and a million dollars which would you take?" I'd take the million; after that you'd be easy"
 Mice car" Yes" 'Is it the latest thing in cars?" q guess so; it has never gotten me anywhere on time yet. Houston Post.
 Church-Ever make any money OF Wall Street tip? Gotham-Yes; fellow told me to keep away from there-Yonkers Statesman.
 She-He has most extraordinary figure. hasn't he? He-That's so. believe an umbrella is about the only thing he can buy ready-made!
 They say his wife was the inspira tion of some of his best plays" Yes He produced them before he was mar ried. ."-Chicago Record-Herald.
 Visiting Relative-How aristocratie your father looks with all that gray hair. Naughty Son-Yes, and he's goi me to thank for it, too!-Puck.
 She-Confess. now, that you would like to see women voters at the polls He-I should, indeed, Either of 'em North or South-Illustrated Bits
 Patrice-You say she is a clever writer? Patience-Very. Why, I've known her to use a fountain pen with out getting ink all oyer her fingers,
 What do you think of man with a rip in his coat and only three but tons on his vest?" He should either get married or divorced. ."-Boston Transcript.
 Scott-Half the people in the world don't know what the other half are doing. Mott-No; that is because the other half are doing them.-Boston Transcripe.
 Missionary Ca little nervously)-I do hope that we shall agree. Cannibal King-Oh, don't think there is any doubt about that. My digestion is excellent-Illustrat Bits.
 Wiggs-At the first night of Scrib bler's. new play I understand there was a big house. Wagg-Yes, but most of the audience left early to avoid the rush.-Philadelphi Record.
 Football Coach (after the game)- Boys. are you all here? Quarterback Tin not; I left an ear and part of a finger somewhere near the twenty-five yard line.-Chicago Tribune.
 The Highwayman-Ha Hands up. Give us your money. or I'll blow your brains outl The Victim-Blow awayi You can live here without brains. but not without money.-The Sketch.
 I've often marveled at your brill liancy. your aptness at repartee your" If it's more than five dol. lars, old man. can't do thing for you. I'm nearly broke myself"
 MT. Struckoil-That there sculptor feller says he's goin' to make bust of me. Mrs. Struckoil-Henry, it's dreadful the way you talk. Say burst" not bust t"-Philadelphia Record.
 She-How far can your ancestry be traced? He-Well, when my grand. father resigned his position as cashier of a county bank they traced him as far as China, but he got away-Pitts. burg Observer.
 Hiram Hutchins-Hope your boy Eph ain't on one uv them college foot ball teams? Abijah Perkins-Not much; Eph got ketched under a steam roller once an he knows how it feels. Boston Herald.
 Mrs A (maliciously)-You were uch a charming debutante. my dear. fifteen years ago. Mrs. B.-Was I? I only remember you made such lovely chaperon for me when I came Transcript.
 Mrs. Pyne-Mrs. Blank certainly possesses tact? Mrs. Hyne-What is your definition of tact? Mrs. Pyne- Tact Is a womanS ability to make her husband believe he is having his own way.-Lippincott' Magazine.
 "Is he what you would call first class newspaper man?" T should say SO. When the 'end-of-the-world' scare was at Its height. he had two edito- -ials written-one to publish If it did come off, the other if 1t didn't'-Puck.
 Clancy-Oi'm after a ticket ter Chi. ago. Ticket Agent-Do you want an excursion ticket? One that will taka vou there and back? Clancy-Phat's he sinse of me payin' ter go there an pack whin Ofm here alriddy?-Hotel Register.
 Before I married" said MT. Hen ,eck, q didn't know what it meant to uDpcrt wife" "I presume yOu know