Bluefield evening leader. [volume] (Bluefield, W. Va.) 1906-1911, 1910-10-05
DAILY SHORT STORIES
WHEN ABNER
GOT MAD
By Nj. QUAD
Copyright. i9lo. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

old maid, but IL was not her fault
Abner Jackson. who was 'sorter"
old bachelor. had been counting her
for five years without actually popping
the question She lived with her wild
owed mother I'm the village. and he
worked little farm just outside.
Abner wasn't lazy. He was Just n
good natured poke OF man. He was
going TO get married some day. bu
there was no hurry about 1t. He nj
ways talked as IL he Intended to marry
Eunice. but he didn't come down a.
details. He didn't ask her To name
the day and arrange the bridal tour.
Eunice liked Abner and bore with him.
but she was getting rather tired OF q
when her Aunt Hannah came on n
visit. Aunt Hannah saw Abncr two
or three times. understood his nature
and then said to her niece:
Look here. you've got poke OF n
man hanging around after you. and II
may be ten years more before he'll.
say anything about marriage. Are
you going TO put up with it or do
somethingT'
why. auntie, what can do?"
Get mad at him and make him
think he's going to lose you"
"Hc only laughs when get mad"
Then set in and crtclsr his feet.
his nose. his eyebrows. Tell him that
he's the homelicst man you ever saw"
81 don't think he'd mind II ut ALL"
Didn't you ever see him show any
tcmpcr?"
Not n bit. He was run over 10y
drove OF hogs once and got up laugh.
ing. No, you can't make Abncr mad
He's poke, but an awfully good
man"
And are you going TO keep right on
for the next fifty years. are you?"
One afternoon three or four days
later vinegar barrel with one bead
out was left ut the house by tho grocer
TO be used as II rain barrel The house
stood on quite n hill. and there was n
sharp slope down TO the villnge street.
About the hour Abner usually appear
ed Eunice wns sent on an errnnd to
the other side OF the village. and when
the poke" arrived Aunt Hannah was
the one TO greet him. She took him
to the corner OF the house whore the
barrel stood and promptly began:
See here. Mr. Jackson, you've been
dawdling around here for years. What
are you afterT'
"Why-why"- he stammered rs he
leaned up against the house and could
say no more.
"Oh. you can't tell. | knew you
couldn't. You've come here almost CIV.
cry night I'm the week for months and
years and squatted yourself down. and
what for? Your talk can't interest
anybody. The sight OF you isn't in
spring. If 1 was Eunicc I'd Just as
soon have wooden man around. And
yet you come and squat and squat.
ask you, sir, what you mean 10y such
conduct?'
II guess I'll go home" answered
Abner, who was too astonishrd to see
straight
"And ! guess you won't" said Aunt
Hannah, Eat least not until YOU have
explained yourself I've been looking
at you. If / had COW MS homey AK
you are I'd knock her I'm the head with
the AK. Hump shouldcrcd. bowlcggcd
and feet like an elephant, and yet you
come here and squat around and take
up girls time! Why, man. what can
you think Of yourself?"
I'll never come again. exclaimed
Abner I'm a changed voice
That's good. That's what want
ed to hear you say Go and squat
somewhere else. Go and find the home
Hest girl i'm the country 10 match you.
The first time saw YOU knew YOU
was poke OF man and You hadn't
grit enough TO push toad off it's nest"
Woman. be careful. If you nggra-
vate me too much
"Aggrayate an old poke. why, man.
II would take you three years TO get
mad even If you started i'm tonight"
The next thing she know she was
being lifted Off her feet IN Abncr's
strong arms and deposited i'm The handy
barrel. Before she could yclp twice
The barrel was whirlcd on It's side
ana given Kick to start Il down the
slope. IL took an crratic course. II
ran 10 the right few feet and then
SHE'D 20 the left II stopped for
moment at n goosebcrry bush and
then lodged and jumped clear over a
crabapple tree. There were yelling and
screaming from The inmate Of The bar
rel. but Abncr stood aud watched the
circus ana shouted back:
I'm poke. am ]? I'm n squatter
am ]? I've got bowlcRs and bumped
shoulders and feet like an elephant!
Col durn your hide. roll on"
And the barrel rolled. and Aunt Han.
nah rolled. and neither OF them stop.
ped rolling til the barrel crashed
through the fence and brought up
against shade tree IN the street. 40
one was killed. 40 bones were broken.
Aunt Hannah crcpt out and up 10 the
house and was just finished with the
last OF the arnica when Miss Eunice
came rushing in with radiant face 10
pycluffn.