The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-07-11
FOOL INVENTIONS
FLOOD UNCLE SAM
New Bureau May Soon Be Ne
CeSSary If HumoriStS Con-
tinue to Deluge Bureau.

washington. July ia special de-
partment for the registering of fool
Inventions may be established in the
bureau Of patents II the sober-minded
humorists OF the country continue to
deluge the bureau with freak inven-
lions Some OF the ideas which are
daily patented would cause an ordi-
nary man to expire from laughter, but
the men employed in the patent office
have become hardened and even the
most rabid form of "foolmania' does
not affect them.
a few days ago a woman patented a
stuffed cat. She made the eyes of lumi-
nous paint. and said the continuance
was to be placed near a mouse hole.
When the mice see the fiery-loOling
eyes Of the tabby they are supposed
to become terribly frightened and run
themselves to death She expects TO
become a multi-millionaire.
minister. who does not advocate
total abstinence has patented a fun
mel TO be placed around a keyhOie. II
one INDUCES too much and arrives
home late. he can find the keyhOle
without any trouble. The idea, Of
course, was not original. as the comic
papers for many generations advo-
Gated this first aid to the inebriated.
An inventive Merry Andrew who de-
plored the terrible effect Of railway
collisions sent In n prize winner. II
consists Of n buffer. which. in the
drawing looks somewhat like a long
pointed ram with q large spring
wooden figure OF a man and a large
bell is I'm front OF him.
The aspiring genius told the patent
office that when collision occurs. the
spring is supposed TO take up the shock
and at the same time the wooden man
rings the bell In front OF him to notify
the passengers that the danger has
passed, II is certainly a remarkable
invention
Another inventor. who evidently read
some OF pOe's stories. IS the originator
OF an idea to rescue from the grave all
who are buried alive. It simply con-
sists Of a tube. which runs from the
mouth Of the corpse to the surface Of
the ground. At the lower end is a
he has to do IS 20 blow the whistle.
and the cemetery keeper IS supposed
to come racing down with pick and
spade to dig him out
4 modest young person has come to
the rescue Of women bicyclists. He has
invented pair OF wings, which extend
from the handlehars 10 the lower part
Of the pedals. for the purpose OF
screening the hosiery Of the riders
from the vulgar thrOng- 1t makes the
bicycle look somewhat like a butterfly,
and may Increase the pleasure of cy-
cling.
The eighth wonder OF the world is a
contrivance which arrived the other
day. IL catches flies i'm the daytime.
mice at night. and peels potatoes in the
morning. With n few more inspira-
tions the inventor expects to make #
wash the dishes, rock the cradle and
milk the cow. Anyway. It's patented
Another talented person invented a
new kind OF elevated railroad. 1t con-
sists Of a bicycle designed 10 run along
the tops OF fences in the country. This
does not include the various species Of
barbed wire The inventor provided no
way for the rider Of the machine to
get over broken rails. nor did he seem
to think that the Washerwomau might
drive him off the clothes line.