The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1910-11-10
sEIE
HAD IDEAS

think you'd lk9?" asked the man.
He was good looking man, and he
asked it with elaborate carelessness cal
culated to advertise to the world at
large IFS fervid interests in knowing
her references.
The girl looked unruff1ed. She had
childlike eyes which aided in her as
sumption OF an innocence of any par
ticular motive on his part.
Il know exactly" she said, enthu-
siastically. i've always wanted a
country place and have devoted so
much thought to the subject that my
ideas are clearly developed. Only I've
never yet seen the place which exact
ly came up to my notions OF what
nice, alluring, comfortable spot away
from town should be. I'm always ma
king mental improvements First, there
are the peacocks."
"Th-the what?" stammered the
man.
"Peacocks," repeated the girl. dis,
tinctly. You always have to have
then, trailing around over the lawns
and terraces, you know. They look SO
well in pictures of the place and in
background when you have afternoon
tea under the trees. Only never In
my life saw a peacock that lived up to
it's reputation as decorative adjunct.
"Peacocks,' the girl went on. ARE
always awkward, moth-eaten birds
with cold and distant chances, and
they occasionally squawk as they stroll
around hunting for their supper. Now,
the only excuse peacock has Tor
breathing is the feathers and apparent
~ the only time you can see those Is
after you have slain the bird and
spread its tail adornments out across
the wall and nailed them there.
my plan Is to take the peacock
while alive, spread out its tail feath-
ers into beautiful fan shape and wire
them In position. Then turn the bird
loose upon the lawn, where it will re-
main a permanently beautiful decora-
ton. I shouldn't think it would make
any difference to the peacock. and
think how much better it would look!"
That's an original idea, all right"
said the man. what else would you
suggest"
Squirrels always go with country
place." declared the girl refectively.
"OnIy they are so elusive. You can
watch hours for them and not see
them, and it's waste of time and gets
on your nerves. think I'd chloroforn
a dozen squirrels and have them
stuffed. Then I'd attach them to wires
wound spirally around the tree trunks
with a sort of clockwork arrangement
connected and when you pressed but
ton on the front porch the squirrels
would begin racing around the Tree
trunks up into the branches and down
again! I'd have one or two OF the top,
of the fence, too. and visitors from
town could have fits over the dear lit
tie things whenever the conversation
grew dull.
Come to think of it, I'd have lots OF
things managed by pressing buttons on
the front porch, which really Is the
most comfortable way of doing things.
Opening gates and moving lawns @nd
setting the sprinkler going-by the
way. that's another thing. I'd have all
the flower beds and borders arranged
with these elevated pipes full OF aoies
and when you pressed the buttoLc theS
would shower water systematically ana
food the plants"
The idea is new said the man.
THANK you," said the girl. Then
when you come to the gnats and the
MOSQUITOES, I've got them nailed TO
the mast. People are SO foolish trying
all these new-fangled extermlnatOrs
and preventives and fussfng and Wor-
rying and wondering how ON earth
the things got through the screens It's
their nature to go through screens, SO
why not provide playground TOT
+hem9 I'd set UP row or p0reh
screens Just outside the front fence
and put a row of lamps back OF them.
Then the buzzing pests would say.
AHA! Here is where we show you
what we think of screens? and they
would wiggle through and fall toyously
unon the lamps and sing and buzz ana
have a perfectly beautiful time think
ing they were making you miserable,
when in reality you are sitting up
peacefully ON your veranda with your
reading lamp perusing the last maya
zines. Both the mosquitoes and you
would be happy and satisfied and
everything weuld be lovely.
"As for keeping cooks, which they
saw is absolutely impossible in the
country, I'd have deep pit dug with
spikes around the top and after captur-
ing q cook would drop her down the
nit with a full equipment OF kitchen
furniture and have her send the meals
nm by dumbwaiter too fragile for her
| 70 ride upon. If she was at all tract
able I'd let her out in the yard on Sum
days-tied to a ball and chain. OF
course. and under heavy guard. Oh.
I can think of all sorts OF things!'
IT should think you could" said the
man. "Do you think you could be per
suaded to consider an ordinary. hum
drum. hot-and-coid-water-with-j anitor'