Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1910-04-21

wise: IF my circumstances were such
as to enable me to marry | should es-
TEEN myself honored beyond measure
in being invited by a lady in every
way so calculated to inspire my es-
TEEN. But my income. only $4,000 a
year, is barely enough for my own
Cries Of Dead give awayY' 'Selfsh
brutev' 'T'll bet she's going to cryT
"Who said cryT asked the confess
sor, surprised.
81 did," replied the homeliest men,
Der.
That's exactly what she did,
T knew it." said the homeliest
member. "a member Of the club told
me IN confidence that certain instruc-
lions are laid down for the girls, the
principal Of which is to cry"
The confessor groaned and went on:
I'VE were walking toward the girls
home and at this point reached her
door. She burst into a passion OF
tears and ran into the house, shutting
the door behind her.
81 stood looking vaguely about me,
not knowing Just what to do. I wish
ed a policeman would come along and
i
Of having committed q crime 1t
seemed to me that I had plunged q
dagger into the heart Of the girl who
had left me. 1 went to my club, Light
ed a cigar, smoked it two minutes and
threw It away. I went into the bill
Hard room, knocked the balls about
for two minutes more, threw down
my cue and. showing my hands In my
pockets, walked up and down in the
hallway. Several of my friends came
In, but somehow 1 wanted to get rid
of them. They all wanted 10 know
what was the matter with me. One
Of them pestered me, telling me about
some liver pills he had used with
great effect
at dined at the club with another.
1 surprised him by ordering my des-
sert Immediately after the soup and
undertook to carve a bird in cross sec
tons. You see, the poison had entered
my blood and was crawling through
the veins to the heart. When the din
ner was over I told my friend 1 was
sick and was going home to bed.
lied. had never before told DELHI
crate lie. You see the effect Of this
Indian flower with its noxtous but
ecstatic perfume. Facile decensus aver
nj, which. being interpreted, means.
When a man makes a false step the
descent into iniquity is easy
when one has committed a crime
he feels an irresistible desire to visit
the spot where 1t was enacted. The
spot where my crime had been perpe-
trated was a few steps from the home
Of the girl who had inoculated me. !
went there. 1 was possessed with a
desire to apologize for a sin 1 hadn't
committed. I rang the bell, went into
the house and sent up my card"
Gone upr' cried a voice.
"Hell never go there any more"
said another.
Gentlemen" continued the confes-
sor, Il sat with wildly beating heart in
the drawing room till 1 heard a rustic
Of skirts and the tap OF a tiny heel
on the staircase A moment later there
in the doorway stood-what shall call
it?-a vision of loneliness. a dream.
Gentlemen. / have finished"
go onr' Don't ! wish I'd had one
like thatr' Peaches and cream are
nothing to itr' and other such indeli-
cate. or. at least. irreverent, cries filed
the room. The president raped for
order
Fellow bachelors" he said, Eve
have all listened to the confession of
our unfortunate ex-member. and
+ know there is not one of us who has
not listened with exuberant sympathy.
Expressions of opinion as to the
amount of the fine he shall pay are
now in order You are aware that the
amount lies between 500 and $500"
81 move" cried a voice. that on &C.
count of the united pressure brought
to bear and the boycott unusual cir
cumstsncesl the fine be RENTED en-
tirely."
And 1 move" said another. that
the fine be doubled. It's my opinion
that our ex-brother was a willing vic.
tim"
And I move" said the homeIiest
man, that the ladies of this city be
invited TO organize one of these Indian
pizen societies right here among us"
At this there were Groans and cries
Of Put him outr' "ReneGader' Hes
been infected under which the home
lest man tried 10 hide
The president arose
Gentlemen" be said. since it is
left with me to name the fine. will
say that agree with our fellow mem
Der who says that the circumstances
in this case are unusual, ard I will
remit the fine altogether"
The confessor arose for last word
hn
paying a double fine. Ny descent into
Avernus is worth a hundred times the
amount"
Chamberlain's Stomach and Liver
Tablets assist nature in driving all
impurities out of the system. insur-
ing free and regular condition and
restoring the organs Of the body to
health aud ctreOpth Sold nv all