Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-29
He KNOWS MONKEYS
But knowledge Acquired at
Considerable Expense.
HIS BEST PANTS RUINED
Citizen Begins Negotiations by De-
handing a Reward.
THEN HE CHANGES HIS MIND
Story of Animal That Escaped From
Laboratory and Took Posses
sion of a Home. .

One man in Washington knows more
about monkeys now than he did recent
| ly. Also he knows that the government
Is not as easy" as he had previously
supposed. The story developed in one of
the government Laboratories where they
are experimenting with tuberculosis and
infant paralysis and things of that sort.
They were using monkeys to experiment
on at the time.
One day one Of the monkeys got loose
1t was balmy day and the caterpillars
had not damaged the shade trees enough
to notice The monkey made an exodus
by way of third-story window, escalad-
ed the rafnpipe and beat it for parts then
unknown but subsequently much in evil
dence.
The day was still young when there
came message to the laboratory from
citizen down the street. He was a per-
son of more acquisttiveness than acumen
ano MS message was to the effect that
ne mad the monkey in hock-as it were
ana ne would return him in good shape
for the small sum of two-fifty But the
m1ld-eyed director of the laboratory did
not fall for the backsheesh.
And Time Progressed.
60 to, young man." he said to the
messenger. THE government does moi
/ furnish any expense account to which
blackmail can be rightly charged and the
controller is on the job. 1 do not want
that monkey, personally, two dollars and
half's worth, and for me he can stay
put"
Time passed. 1t was not much time
either, and there came another messenger
Perhaps it was the same messenger, but
1t was another message. 1t said:
We've got your monkey down the
street. Please send for him.
But the director was on the job again
and he replied:
NAY, nay, the monkey Is not worth
$3.50 to me. We could prosecute you fol-
illegal detention of government property
but it is too much trouble. Back to the
minors"
Time passed; not as much time as be-
fore, still enough. Then the detainer OF
monkey appeared in person and he yelled
Send down after your qualified mon
key!' The way he qualified the monkey
was entirely improper for repetition
Send and send quick!'
But the director replied, mild-eyed az
ever:
"I have said before that 1 would not
give up $3.50 for the
But the citizen from down the stree,
| interrupted him rudely. Give up h.
monkey and I'll give you $3.50 for taking
him away
Monkey Real Playful.
1t seemed that the monkey had been
confined incommmicado, as it were, In
the best bedroom. He had thrown down
| all the mantel ornaments. ripped up the
| curtains, made ribbons of the citizen
best Sunday pants, and then. retiring to
| the inaccessible top of the wardrobe. de-
clared that he liked his quarters and de-
clined to vacate. He was at the time con-
! templating part Of finger that had been
unwillingly left him by the son Of the
| house. The cook had been drawn into
| the melee and escaped with the loss OF
| her head handkerchief, but had given
notice on the spot. and the monkey was
| still completely master OF the situation
| The director of the laboratory let the
object lesson sink in for an hour or so and
then sent down wire cage, into which
the monkey was ,lured by the calls OF
hunger and a fragment of banana. The
laboratory has not lost any monkeys
since