Arizona republican., 1910-11-27
Mister DOOley on
 Home Life
BY FINLEY PETER DUNNE. (Copyrioht 1910 by F, D. Dunne,

kWurruld l know how tn Car lN | Rooshya is gettin' on with his wife as though we were next dure neigh bors. If tn King of England happens
 to take a dhrop too much an fall an
 skin his elbow, l have it as quick as | l Wud tn news iv a bad break on tn | head iv tn Hinnissy dynasty l know
 more about tn Impror iv Chiny thin | me father knew about tn people m
 tn next parish. An if there's wan ! thing l want to write to tn iditOr " ! tn pa-aper an thank him about an | sign tn letter Pro Bono PublicO, it ! is tn peek he gives us ivry wanst m awhile into tn homes iV tn arrystoc- racv iv our own neighborhoOd. Ye go i bv wan iv these magnificent brick | mansions, ye see tn autymObill dash
 up, ye see tn jock step out an run up 1 th' stairs. We see tn head hired man 1 in knee brooches open tn dure an We think to ye'ersilf: I bet ye thim people ar-re onhappy. Ivrything must be cold an cheerless within, there's so much room. Ye think iv tn gr-reat cap iv industhree settin' in a marble hall surrounded by gr-rand piannies. plush chairs. onyx ! wealth an refinement that money an art can supply. Hes so far away i firm tn rest iv tn family than whin he wants to talk tO thim he has to whistle rr tn butler to take tn message. Ivrybody is polite and On-
 comfortable. If man has jook fir
 son-in-law ye don't think he can iver cut loose an be himself There can't be amy freedom in such sur roundings Tn week passes without a youbedam'd. Ivrything is like it is in a novel It's: look. have another sauccrful iv tea Will ye'er grace
 jine me in a tub iv champagne Can I throuble yeer grace to pass tn ketchupt' Ye wOndher why tn mil
 Iionaire isn't down at tn corner saloon
 ivry night thryin' to pick fight
 with tn bartinder. Ne feel sorry Tr tn rich in their resthricted lives.
 Put ye'er wrong. Hinnissy. ye'er wrong Tn life iv tn rich is far more home-like thin ye think. There's much more family feelin' thin ye imagine. Takin' thim all in all an don't think ye need to pity thim. longshoreman doesn't have to walk
 so far to take kick at his sOn-in-
 law, but thin look at tn amount iv furniture a millyonaire has to throw at amy mimbcr iv tn family that don't agree with him A family man down on tn drainage canal that is thryin' to discipline his relations is limited to ammynition Aftlrr he's used four chairs. tn plates, vinegar bottle tn baby an glass case iv artryficyal ha hac fa kitchen an defind it again a younger an more injanyous man. But tn aged millyonaire has a thousand little objecks iv art that he can burl, an if he misses with tn Venus de Midicy he can flatten tn jock out with ginooyine Rembrandt. No sir, ye needn't pity tn rich. They have their own nachral injyemints iv life an they ought to be happy.
 "I was readin' about it in tn pa-aper an it made me long fir a little loose change more thin amy thing I've seen in nanny day It seems that wan iv our most prom nent capitalists. Mulligan J. BillhoOiey. had give his daughter in marredge to a Fr-rinch jock. This sign iv a for eign arrystocracy come to America tO live with his wife's parents. an prop erly so. as Mulligan J. Billhoolcy did not dare to thrust large sums iv mon ey to tn mails. Tn nObleman made himsilf at home at wanst There's very little difrrence between tn arrystocracies iv amy counthries. They're all alike. Blood will tell an tn nobility iv tn wurruld are always aisy with each other whether their title dates back to Agincourt or South Bend
 9Th jock was noble be birth. his family havin' done no wurruk since tn middle iv tn fourteenth cinchry. Tn Billhooley escutcheon was splashed be a few years that tn old arrystocrat had put in as a stone mason, but that's something we won't talk about. ! Al tn prisint moment no family has l a betther ratin' in Bradsthreet's peer l age thin tn Biilhooley's. Tn jocks l nobility was older but BilIhooley's was | longer an more -aisily neegOtyable at tn meat market.
 Well. sir. tn inthercoorse is these | two gr-reat noblemen was charmin'. ! perfectly aisy an simple like a re- | union in a Bohaymian family out at 1 tn yards. I'll give ye an exthract [ firm tn s'ciety news about thim: ! 'Whim they set down to tn table wan night fir supper. tn duchess happened | to pass tn reemark that tn took was | overthrained in tn matther iv dhrink His grace was nachrally indignant an | slammed her in tn eye. This aggytated | Misthsr Billhooley to such an extint | that he uppercut tn jock to tn pint ! iv tn jaw, sendin' him through a bank of pa'ms. Tn jock hurled | small jooled clock at tn proud old | man an tn engagement became gin ral. Tn jock was holdin' his own well in tn family council, havin armed | himsAf with a small marble statue | called Prayer whin an old retainer iv tn family. sam Johnson be name, who had been with tn BillhOOley's firm arliest childhood eXcipt whin he was with tn Pullman Comp'ny took a | hand in tn discussion. This vinrable | depindant. angered at tn assault on his beloved masther. charged into tn room, felled his grace with a bottle an was stampin' on his head whin tn polls come in. It is said tn throuble has caused an esthrangement in tn
  ton 'on tn voodyville stage where he will do a monologue on tn family | secrets, an his father-in-law an nounces that he will be prisint on tn openin night an carry along a hat full iv bricks
 That's what call family life. There's what that there beautiful writ CT. Laura Jeen, wud call a note iv
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