The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-02-22
PY DOLLY DALRYMPLE.

her the electric light bill, which in her | floor.
 T shall use coal oil lamps" said Peggy furiously, and let gas and electricity | alone forever" Let me see' she continued pondering,
 one for the library, the two bedrooms, the dining room, the hall and the chill dren's room-six in all.''
 They say oil is frightfully expensive" said l.
 And I do hate John D. terribly be- cause he's so rich,' raid the blood rela- tive, but still our mission in life Is to fill the coffers of some trust, I sup pose.'
 After lunch Peggy and the .blood rela- tive" and l were all invited out to play bridge, one of those nice little quiet Lenten parties that don't get in the papers, and no sooner had we arrived and seated ourselves, instead of busying her self with making 1t mo trumps" and crit lcising her yis-a wis, who with king, jack and ten did not lead the ten, Peggy start ed an animated discussion of the subject with which her mind was heavily laden, namely, gas, electricity and coal oil lamps.
 "The amount of gas you burn has noth- ing whatever to do with your bin,' said a big, fat, red woman at the select little party. Last month we were invited out nearly every night. You know how gay 1t was, and when we'd get home we moved about like spooks through dimly lighted corridors, turning out the light in one room just as soon as we left 1t, and never lighting another until it was absolutely necessary, and our bill was larger than ever before. This month I am going on the supposition that the amount of the bill will be smaller according as the amount of electricity consumed is larger and our nj ph xya crtxr a big party"
 Our bill for gas for the month of Feb ruary was $l0.'' said Peggy dejectedly. Think of that and it's Lent, too, and we go to bed every night with the chickens. By regular arithmetcal progression it will be $S0 by December
 Our electric light bill for last month was $s, and we were very careful" sighed a forlorn looking bridge player who looked like shed never sat up after S:3O since she d been married.
 Well, I wish it was like the little boy said,' observed the only spinster in the crowd It's fine at our house. said he. We don't have to pay nothing tall for lights. cause mas got 'lectricity in her hair and grannys got gas on her stom- ach.' /"
 "Our gas bill for January was, exactly $7.50.'' said Mrs. Newly Wed, getting into the conversation, "and honestly I thought John would take my head off. I think he imagines I ate the electricity because he says we couldn't possibly have burned it..
 Just then the most lachrymose person in the party blandly observed:
 Just let me warn you against lamps. They are the most depraved of all inani- mate things, and behave like satan just when yoss least expect them to. We use the(n merely because Tom thinks they a pra ha ,ff bo to them clean and trim the wicks. You ap- proach lamp sitting on table, looking perfectly able-bodied and healthy, like it has just returned from Battle Creek sanitarium or French Lick, and behold as you grasp the taper and turn and turn and look and wonder until your fingers are finally burned. and you use Sunday schools words that are not in the book, you discover that the maid has forgotten to fill the lamp and you are so mad you could die"
 ''All maids are of the foolish virgin or der, don't you think?' observed the "blood relative" of Peggy, just at this critical juncture.
 no longer kept in stock, and 50 your best continued the lachrymose person, "only to be told that the pan Is empty or assum- Ing that once in a while there is some, you take the chimney off and smash it goes into a million pieces, and of course you havn't another in the house."
 Nobody but an old maid would buy lamp chimneys by the dozen,'' said Peggy interestedly.
 And then next day when you phone the grocer he tells you blandly that the particular style of chimney you want Is no longed kept in stock, and so your best lamp Is dark for weeks-poor thing-mere- ly for want of chimney" said the lach- rymose person.
 And let me advise against candles" said the artistic woman whose house Is al- ways so dark that you sit-on the parlor table, thinking it's a perfectly good rock CT, or rest upon the piano, imagining 1t to be the settee.
 You know am very romantic and CO., lonial in my tastes, and have tried can dies until month ago. when we had to go to the occulist and the doctor as well, because we'd eaten so much wax that had fallen on the food from the candles on the table that we were suffering terribly from indigestion
 And as Peggy, the 'blood relative" and started home after the game of bridge, Peggy said:
 Never again will be persuaded to in- vest in coal oil lamps or candles, after those stories I heard this afternoon, but cling to gas and electricity, or else go to bed as soon as it is dusk, adjuring even the humble match
 And as we settled ourselves in her pretty little apartment, she picked up her bill once more and discovered that $4 out of the $lO had been charged for coke that she had ordered for the furnace, and then we shrieked with laughter at her ex- pense. but that didn't break her-it was so small. | T.