The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1910-06-17

ABOUT two dollars.-Yale Record.
But what reason have You for
thinking women have no aim ia life?"
wen. I've seen several Of them try
TO throw stones"
Did Simpkins get any damages IN
tnat assault case?" did he? NV
dear fellow. you ought to see his face.
st. Louis Star.
I'd like to get a tablet" said the
customer. addressing the drug. clerk.
dyspepsia or writing?" inquired the
clerk. -Ames Times.
J1nks-I saw something cheap at a
bargain counter to-day. Binks-What
was 1t? Jinks-A man waiting for
MS wife, Record Herald.
How did you get the reputation Of
being taciturn?" Possibly because |
only discuss matters that / am famil.
lar with. Pittsburg Post.
Scorcher-Have you heard the latest
auto record? Fleigher-No; what is
IT! Scorcher-An auto made an hour
in fifty-nine minutes! Puck
Mr.. Cityman-What do you find the
hardest thing to raise on farm? Far
mer Clovertop-Th The interest on the
mortgage Philadelphia Record.
4 'Arry-Wot's yer 'urry, Bill? Bill
I've got to go to work. AIRY
Work? Why, wot's the matter with
the miSsiS? Amt she WeIl2-Illustrat.
ed Bits.
Hubby What! You paid $50 for
that imported hat? It's monstrous-
it's sin! Wife (sweetly) NO mat
ter; the sin will be on my head
Lippincott's. A
Il don't understand you, Linda. One
day you're bright and jolly and the
next depressed and sad" well, I'm
in half-mourning, that's why
gende Batter.
How much does it cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. THAT
depends entirely on how long you
live" replied the sad-looking man.
Philadelphia Record.
He seems to be an up-to-date poll
tician." II should say so. Before pro-
posing to Miss Specie he got up petit
ton with 1000 signatures urging her
to accept him" Life.
She Wouldn't it be grand If we
could only see ourselves as others see
us? He--Well, hardly; but it would
be grand if we could make others see
us as we see ourselves.
II can't make anything out OF this
poem of yours" complained the maya
zine editor. THAT isn't the point" re-
piled the poet. The question is. can
/ make anything out Of it,"
'.I'll be ready in a minute" she said
to her husband. You needn't hurry
now" he called up some time later,
II find that / shall have to shave
again. Detroit Free Press.
Wife, trying to convey a hint-A
tree, you know, gets new clothes every
spring. Husband, too experienced to
be caught-Yes, dear; it makes them
all itself, and finds its own material.
too.
AS the train neared the city, the
colored porter approached the jovial-
faced gentleman, saying, with a smile,
shall All brush you of, sah?" NO"
he replied, Il prefer to get on In the
usual manner"
"Is our new member homely? Well.
I should say! Did you ever see
photograph Of him?" why, no, but
I've seen caricatures of him." "Oh,
they flatter him; you should see one OF
his photographs"
Wife, say, do you know the girl
In the fiat above US won piano at the
Charity Bazaar lottery yesterday?
Husband-A piano! Great Scott! And
that's what they call a charity bazaar!
-Meggendorfer Batter.
Old LADY, want you to take back
that parrot you sold me. find that It
swears very badly. Bird Dealer
Well, madam. it's very young bird.
It'll learn to swear better when it's
bit older-Human Life.
"She had good husband" said MRS.
Babbleton. "But she got divorce
from him. Eyes. She didn't know
what a good husband he was till she
saw how generously he behaved about
the alimony Chicago Journal.
The Preacher-Next Tuesday even
ing Elder links will address the Mems
Club on Hell" The Elder You
might add. parson, that would be
glad to see the rest Of the congrega-
ton there, too. Sunday Magazine.
Optimist- don't believe in climb
ing over an obstruction until one
comes to it. Pessimist And. Judging
from your appearance. should say
that you never see an obstruction until
you bump against it.-Chicago Record
Herald.
Johnny" said the boys mother, =
hope you have been nice, quiet boy
at school this morning.? That's what
was" answered Johnny. Il went to
sleep and the teacher said she'd whip
any boy in the room who walked me