Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1910-09-02
!: :, It II 81 81 u mn.. ~ u II II It 81
! ! SHORT STORIES FOR /
!. EVENING HOURS !;
Il M u II IT It tt tt 1t ana nn It
HE'S FATIGUED.


returned traveller, Il saw
81 don't care what you saw" inter-
rupted the peevish man. ut would be
impossible for you so see anything In
Rome that would be Of interest to me.
A lot of Jays went abroad last summer
and every time they meet me they be-
gin telling me of the strange manners
and customs Of the Dyaks, or the ruin
ed temples of Greece, or the noble ca
1 thedrals in Timbuctoo. | have stood
IL as long as | am going to and the
next man who tries to tell me about
his thrilling adventures in the Pyre-
nees of his hairbreadth escapes on the
Ganges is going to get hurt In as
many places as | can hit him.
There ought to be a law proyid-
ing pains and penalties for those who
go to some foreign country and then
come home and bore their friends tell
ing about the things they saw and
heard.
Long ago. when people went across
the sea in sailing ships and had hand
to-hand conflicts with pirates and sea
lions and whales and other monsters
of the deep, It was something of dis
tlnction to have been abroad. and a
man who had made the journey could
not be blamed II he spent the rest Of
his life telling about II. In fact, | can
easily imagine that people urged him
to repeat his tale over and over again.
oh tn nm
extent that the distinguished man of
the present day is the one who has
never been abroad.
IL am such u celebrity. | have never
pushed myself over the Alps ] never
want to see the Alps. As compared
with our own Rocky Mountains they
are cheap, made-in-Germany affairs,
E. and | couldn't look at them without
thinking Of the bargain counter In
: simpsons department store. be-
lieve in patronizing home industries.
II man is suffering to see mountains,
let him go to Colorado. where he'll
: find the real goods. with the letters
Q U. s. blown in the glass.
> "A man crosses some one-horse
|, ocean or other and when he comes
!, home he tries to leave the impression
!, that nature got up u special program
for his benefit Everything that eveI
y happened at sea was featured for his
entertainment lie saw waterspout'
and sea serpents and icebergs.
know old captains who have been fol
lowing the sea for hundred years
i or more, and they never saw half tn
= marvels that one landsman will wit
n ness in a trip from Sandy Hook 4
J. Southampton.
q, "A couple of hours ago my next
door neighbor called and talked for
while. He had been driving over tn
country with team Of horses, and h
kept cases on the crops as he wen
= along. He was fairly loaded to tn
hatbrim with useful information con
a corning the condition OF the whea
and corn crops, He brought sample
of corn and wheat that he pulled u
in the fields | never listened to
more interesting or instructive dis
course than his, and hated to sc
him go. Now, that mans travelin
" was worth while, and wherever h
III goes he'll find an attentive audience
III Contrast his story with the yarn tina
Ig you are suffering to spring.
You want to tell me how you Wis
tied the Quirinal and cayorted alon
the Appian Way, and carved you
II name on one of the stones In III
Coliseum. II let you tell you
- besotted tale. you would do II In
ID way that would jar every nerve
Is me, and lead me to personal vie
u lence.
y, That's the worst thing about yo
IN fellows who have been abroad Yo
lie cant tell your experience humbly An
In apologetically, AS becomes people wi
er have wasted lot of valuable tin
n and money. You look as important |
st though you had discovered a continel
TX. or invented an airship, and all "
ng have done is to see n lot OF shelf-wol
ce cathedrals and secondhand volcano
tn which have been seen by millions
an rubbernecks before you.
o. III man ever returns from abroi
p and then refuses to say a word abo
il, he'll be as popular as my friel
OF Theodore, and everybody will sign
IL" petition asking him to run for Z
he presidency. Meanwhile | am going
mis- buy two brindle dogs and IA shotgl
on for my personal protection. '-Chica