Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-01-07


downward, when a COW bites grass il
bites upward, but when a man bites
grass he is usually 10 drunk to wag hi
head either way.
A merchant had a billboard erected
that displayed the advertisement of his
wares in flaming colors. His wife ant
daughter went out riding, the horse
scared at the billboard and ran away
killing both of them. Moral: Advertise
| in the papers-a horse rarely buys any
| thing.
! A young lady applicant for country
school was asked the question: "Wha1
| is your position on whipping child
ren?" The maiden never hesitated ant
| this was her answer: "My usual position
| is CD ch ir. with the child held firmly
across my knees, facing downward.
| She was the unanimous choice of the
| directors.
A clergyman, not over a thousand
| miles away, noted for combining tht
somewhat incongruOus profession Of 6
preacher and money lender. was prof
feying prayer, in which was the follow
ing petition: Grant we may have more
interest in heaven.
Don't do it," exclaimed one Of the
congregation, don't do it. The old sin
ner gets five per cent month, now; and
that's enough, the Lord knows"
A young woman OK Toledo, Ohio, was
asked by friend as to the likableness OF
young chap who for some time had
been paving devoted attention to the
young woman in question.
"Oh," replied the fair one carelessly
william is nice enough fellow, but he
talks shop too much"
Flows that?" was the next question
II thought he was street car Con
ductOr."
$50 he is,' returned the other; "and
he's continually saving, Sit up clOserp
At an English school, once upon a
time, when a concert was being held
the choir was OH the program 10 sing
an anthem, and their place was desig-
mated by the single word anthem.
The gentleman who was master Of cere-
monies, a high-tonpd, pompous indivi-
dual of the old school, when he came to
that part of the program, announced
in a dignified way: "Mr. Anthem will
now favor us" ---~----=--e
The professional tramp or hobo is not
without humOr. At Stroud eng
police court the other day one of the
fraternity was sentenced to ID days for
tearing up his clothes while at the work
house. He had only one eye and when
asked how he lost the other optic, with a
sardonic grin he answered: Looking
for work."
Little EIeanor's mother was an Ameri-
can, while her father was German. One
day, after Eleanor had been subjected to
rather severe disciplinary measures at
the hands of her father, she called her
mother into another room, closed the
door significantly, and said: "Mother
don't wont to NEEDLE in your business
but wish you'd send that husband of
yours back to Germany"
A witness in railroad case at Fort
Worth, asked to tell in his own way how
the accident happened, said:
"Well, Ole and was walking down the
track, and | heard whistle, and | got
off the track and the train went by, and
| got back on the track, and didn't see
Ole, but l walked along, and pretty soon
| seen OIes hat, and walked on and
seen one Of Ole's legs. and then l seen
one of Ole arms, and then another leg,
and then over one side Ole's head, and
says. MY God! Something muster hap
pen to Oler"
Benny's intellectual achievements
were far from notable. but in the ewes of
his small sister he was none the leas a
wonderful parsonage. She keenly re-
sented illusions to his lengthy stay in
the last desk row at school, although
Benny himself took quite cheerful and
philosophic view Of the matter.
One afternoon the little girl appeared,
flushed and painting, in the library door
way.
Daddy she exclaimed, "you prom
ised Benny dollar when he got moved
off the bottom bench, and now he's up in
the next row with me-and," Benny
himself entered just then, in his usual
unconcerned way.
"Why, what's this l hear, my son?"
his father welcomed him, I'm very glad
you've worked your way up" The boy
stared uncOmprehendingly. Elsie says
you're in the second row now" his father
continued, in explanation.
Course" returned the youngster, i'm
row-the bottom bench's being painted"
New Is 'ildiGOS