The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-26
KANSAS COAAENT
HE HAD THIRTY ALARM CLOCKS.

HE HAD THIRTY ALARM CLOCKS.
There died in an eastern city the
other day man whose post-mortem
disclosures laid hold upon public faith
where certain alleged north pole
pretender let loose. and completed
The lit" refers to public faith.
This was man who in his life was
monument of punctualty.
Cast by the circumstances Of his
birth and early education into the
humble lot of a street car conductor,
he proved himself in important re-
spects superior to statesmen. fnan-
ciers, cooks and janitors by being at
his job through every day of his 40
years service as punctually as a small
boy at Sunday school on the last ses-
sion before Christmas
AS time went on without passing
this man anywhere in his daily sched-
ule, the great city where he labored
began to look on him as an institution
IMPLYING the one perfection of human
viii and purpose, where all else was
f1ckleness and late breakfasts. Adj
ministrations might change and re-
form platforms pass into mockery,
but here was something that endured,
as resolute and more directly service
able than the rock of Gibraltar or the
tariff wall. Nearly half century of
New Years resolutions passed into
chaf. blown by the winds of tempta-
ton. While this man met his job at
early dawn, punetual with the gong
to the minute. superior to all hind
RANGES. And so city, and from the
city country, full of frailty and lame
excuses pinned its faith to this man
and took comfort in the thought that
in the foundation of human character
there were. after all, the elements or
4nf1exible purpose.
Old Regularity failed to appear at
starting time the other day, and they
knew 1t was case for the undertaken.
With the undertaken went reporters
and sketch artists. to prepare the
story of one mans perfection. Gifted
city editors rightfuiIy thought that the
home atmosphere where this marvel
of resolute punctuality fortified his
character from the fickleness and
slothfulness of the world would well
This is what they found: Thirty
alarm clocks of all sizes and calibres,
with tones ranging from shrill treble
to the deep base of a foghorn, group
| ed about the bed, and all timed to
strike at the same early morning hour.
Death struck down Old Reliability
and faith in the same leering swipe.
and left in their place lifeless pre-
tense and the jangling mockery of
| thirty alarm clocks.-Ottawa Herald
AN ALARMING REPORT
| oysters poke fork into them to ascer-
| tain il they are real fat oysters or are
| but shams filled with air. It has been
| discovered that the oyster men of the
east have been shipping lean, inferior
oysters to the west and that we have
been paying high prices for these in
| fiated bivalves The trick of the oyster
man is this: He takes the lean oyster
from the shell and puts 1t in cold, fresh
water In this bath the starved oyster
puffs up and changes color, giving a
false representation of fine, fat, delicate
oyster. By puncturing the deceptive
| bivalve it viii collapse. Right here is
| where the pure food law should step in
and take hand. Or. Crumbine and his
officers seem to have been overlooking
| something which is very important If
| the reports from. the east are correct
| They have succeeded in having the wa
! ter drained from the oysters so that we
really get a quart of them instead of a
pint of oysters and a pint of water, now
| they should see that the air Is let out
of the bivalves. Air doesn't cost the
oyster man more than did the water
| Wichita Eagle.