davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
UNOR OF TIE DRY

suit to aoa higher COZ. court? GiIlis-No. we
this one instead.-Puck.
Harold is very slow. isn't he?" Yes.
he always was backward Even as a
child he never got the summer complaint
until in the winter. kansas City Star.
suffragette button well, she's been
having violets sent her every day of late"
Washington Herald
Her-villain, Is IT true that you made
a bet I'd accept you? Him-Well: VIII
Patience-What reason had she for mar
rying him? Patrce-Why, he had money
That is not a reason; that is an excuse"
Gateway Magazine
Thirsty Thingumbob-Gee! wisht I had
some hard cider. Rollingstone Nomoss-
amt no good. 1t has to work before it's
fit to drink.-Philadeiphia Record.
$50 the price of meat has come down"
The wholesale price only" explained the
am the father of eleven. all of them
growing. '-Philadelphia Ledger.
Mrs. Chugwater-Josiah, what is an
autobiography? Mr.. Chugwater-Its the
story of mans life written as he thinks
from the word itseif?Nchicago tribune .a'
My husband is so helpful in our house
hold work; you know 1 just love to be
tidying up and cleaning and rearranging
all the time" And he takes a hand in
the tidying up?' 'fWell-er-indirectlv
He throws things around and out OF place
SO that III have something to do.'-St.
Paul Dispatch.
To be between the devil and the dean
sea is almost hilarious as living in the
suburbs beyond the car line.-DaIIaa
News. -
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

breakfast, but the warden of a peni-
tertiary who forced his prisoners 20
live on a straight diet of oatmeal three
times a day would be treated as the
most inhuman of monsters. Beautl1ul
theories have a bad time of it when
they come into collision with cruel
facts.
Horsefesh has been lauded as
worthy substitute for beef. There IS Z
Society of Hippophagists in Paris which
maintains the cult at an annual dinner
During the siege of Paris nearly To,OOo
out of 10000 horses in the city We're
consumed for food but as soon as the
siege was raised there was complete
change in the public appetite for meat.
On its chemical merits eottonseed
-four may look all right in the labora-
tory. But where is the chemist who
can make eighty-five millions OF people
change their habits by calculating the
beauties of formulas?-New York
World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
KANSAS COMAENT
REFORMING FOOTBALL

The chances are that the new foot
1all rules will be disappointment.
Leaving it to the professors of a coll
Iege 10 take a player out of the game
When the player shows signs of ex-
naustlon is simply an invitation to the
crowd 10 lynch the professors.
1T would be a courageous professor
lnoeeo who would stop a game and
take out star player on his own side,
II, IN MS judgment, the player was too
tired to play.
Inc professor might be wrong in his
judgment.
ana whether he was or not. every
one on MS side, including probably the
player himself. would say he was
A safer plan, if something of this
sort must be adopted, is to have a COM
mission OF three eminent surgeons and
doctors on the field, who, as each case
came up would be authorized to take
testimony. make detailed physical ex
amnations of players in question, and
report back findings of fact to the
srandstand. By the time the verdict
was ready to be handed down, the play
g would be ready for business again,
and no further action on the part of
the jury would be ecessary.-Salina
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
TFrom the Atchison Globe.1


During a food, a food is a good deal
worse than a drouth.
You can always depend upon the
neighbors seeing everything.
eff they can afford it, wife fire.
ouently says to her husband, 1--WE can"
Is any man ugly enough to warrant
covering up his ugliness with red
whiskers?
If a married woman is very happy,
all the other women solemnly agree
that they hope it will last-But.
We have noticed that few men make
diving requests, but did you ever no
tice that most women make them?
When the worlf is at your door, you
will be surprised how easily you can
chase him away, if you make the eff
fort.
Find a man who is we'll posted in a
famous murder trial, and you may de-
pend on it that that man isn't doing
much work.
What has become of the old fash
Toned person whose idea of fine com
pliment for a woman was to say that
she is gentle?
A Globe reporter has called on every
married doctor in town. and finds that
not one met the woman who became
his wife at the bedside of the poor.
When a man starts out with the
opinion that no one is worth while
who mikes his nouns and verbs I'M
dramatically, you won't have to SIT
around long to see him awakened with
q big stick.
When there is steak, and Mr.. Man
expresses regret that it isn't fish, his
wife always answers with a dash or
two of vinegar, How did you expect
me to know you would rather have
| fish? I'm no mind reader"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
QUAKER MEDITATIoNs.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record.

TFrOn the. Phiiadelpnlas RECORD
When a fellow is slippery it is some
times necessary to walk over him
rough shod.
A mans good resolutions are fire.
quently about as enduring as icicles in
May.
It is quite possible to eliminate the
sting from joke and still retain the
point
Many a man is perfectly willing to
divide with his friends, no matter how
little they have.
We never know what we can do till
We try, and then we also find out what
we can't do.
He-"Do you consider it bad luck to
break a mirror" She-"Yes, If it's the
only one in the house"
The man who wants shorter hours
might work harder. That makes the
hours seem shorter, at any rate.
Many a wife is failure because her
money goes on the bridge table instead
of on the dining room table.
There is plenty of room at the top
remarked the barber who was trying to
sell the bald-headed man a bottle of
hair restorer.
Nell-"He is delightful conversa-
tionalist.' BelIe-''Why, he seldom
opens his mouth" Nell-"Exactly. He
just sits and listens while you talk
wigg-"Tightwad is madlv in low.
with that Bjones girl Wagg-"well, I
don't see any of the flames extending
to his money
This 1 presume. is a study in still
life" remarked the Mere Man mo.
sir; that is a landscape replied the
Artist, haughtily. 1T is March sun
set saOh, I thought it was "a fried
egg apologized the Mere Man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
AYHAWKER. JOTS

In Downs lives the ideal man. He
has rugged up a water motor so it
will run his wife's washing machine.
When Old Billy Shiftless heard about
it he said: well, the world is certain
ly full of all kinds of fools. I'll bet
the chump let's his wife collect for the
washing, too.''-Osborne Farmer.
The only hotel in Vermillion was
closed by Mr. Kleinhans, the state
board Of health's inspector. the other
day by reason of its unsanitary condi-
ton. This rather gives Vermillion a
black eye, but a black eye is less to be
deplored than typhoid fever or
ptomaine poisoning City Star.
From the scattering returns it would
appear that the directory publishers
will continue to be the popular enumer-
ators for Kansas. The directory man,
who knows his business, will always
make it appear that town has about
25 per cent greater population than the
census enumeratOrs are able to find
Lawrence World.
After Dad has died and left a lot OF
life insurance, three or four good store
buildings, five or six sections of 500 an
acre farms and numerous bonds, notes.
and 6 per cent mortgages, after five
years the widows and children are rare
that will give it back If that would
bring the old man back to life again.
Atchison Champion.
Some nervous ladies in Kansas City
are worrying because a mother has
been found who feeds her infant child
hamburger steak. Their worry appears
to us to be uncalled for. AS ham
burger steak contains most everything,
it certainly should be good for the
baby. This reminds us of the song,
I'VE Fed the Baby Onions to Make
Him Strong. "-Lawrence World
A man at Winfield pleaded guilty 20
marrying four women, all of whom
were then and there present, without
getting a divorce from any Of them,
In olden times all the husband had 10
do was to give the wife "a writing of
enforcement and he was free from all
obligations to her. In modern times
and latter day practices the man has
to paw a lot of court and lawyer fees in
order to make the enforcement legal
This Winfield man was not really pun
ished for marrying the four women.
but for neglecting to take the district
court into his case.-Douglas Tribune.
There is nothing else on earth that
exerts so great an influence upon man
kind as hunger. Passion will inffame
for a time and cause a man to win
fortune or face dishonor, but the fear
of hunger keeps a man at the grind for
years. The Indian boys who run away
from Haskell with their stomachs full,
were ready to tackle the world single
handed. but when they became hungry
they were ready and willing to be led
back to school. Hunger will destroy
affection, will take away honor and
will cause man to do all manner of evil.
1t will break the most lndomtatable
will and in the end will conquer life
itself-Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
Laboratory Food.

A movement for the use of oottonseed
flour is in order. Hard on the heels of
the popular protest against the high
cost of living comes the announcement
that it is not only much cheaper but
five times as nutritive as wheat flour
Anybody who doubts the scientific fact
is ar liberty to digest the comparative
tables of protein and carbohydrates in
each-provide he can procure some cot
tonseed flour to experiment with.
The trouble with these dietary re-
forms is that they encounter the most
fixed of prejudices. Various enlighten-
ed persons for decades have preached
how the human body can be kept in
prime working order on few hand
fuls of oatmeal daily Oatmeal is a de-
servedly popular article of food for
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

STORY of the TARIFF is the title of a
book of $50 pages, just issued, which
will undoubtedly prove Of value, not
only during the congressional cam
paign, but for the use of speakers and
writer's on this most important subject
for years to come. 1t includes the
speeches Of President Taft and quota
tions and statistical matter from the
speeches of over $50 senators and rep
resentatives in congress delivered on
the tariff during the special session of
the Sixty-hrst congress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
POINTED PAI<AGKArHs.

p IRON the Chicago News.l
It's very unlucky to lose $13 on Fri
day.
A little fault of our own looks like a
big vice in others.
Even a worthless man thinks he'd he
able to make good as a critic
Many a woman has lived to reerAf
the day she discovered her affinity
If you would know what woman
doesn't mean, listen to what she saws
No, Alonzo, a helping hand and tne
glad hand are not necessarily the same
After widow makes up her mind 90
marry again she makes up her faca
and gets busy.
A man O 1t to be thankful if his
wife declines to accept an excuse vvhaS
he has none to offer
one kind of harmless crank reyolve,
a grindstene with the agsfstancs ~
small boy. 1t isn't subject to violent
turns. ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Many a good reputation IS far from
being deserved.
X X
One of the general beliefs among wo-
men is that all men are bad.
x x
No mans opinion is of much value
when it concerns himself.
4 =
When an individual finally acquires
a little wisdom it's just about time for
him to die.
X X x
The clever political orator is one who
can make an excellent impression on a
crowd without saying much of any
thing.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.l

[From the New York Press.1
A girl puts on prettiness very fast
when you tell her so.
The way a woman fools a man is
making him think he's doing it to her.
You don't have to explain a compli-
ment to a woman the way you do the
constitution.
A useful thing about spelling is hav-
ing a stenographer who knows how TO
do it for you.
There's no excuse ever invented for
coming home late that a man hasn't
worn threadbare before he's been mar
ried three years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

A committee of the house of repre-
sentatives has discovered that there is
no law on the statute books which
makes the stealing of governmental
funds a crime. A law will therefore
be passed to rectify this condition of
affairs. If it could only be made com
prehensive enough to provide punish
ment for the lOoting of public funds
that is not actually stealing it would
be a greater measure
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Newspapers of decidedly saffron
hues appear to exist in staid old Stock
holm. One of them printed a story the
other day that President Taft had sent
q message to Colonel Roosevelt in
which Mr.. Taft said he does not intend
10 be a candidate again for the presi-
dency, and also inviting Mr.. Roosevelt
to succeed Mr.. Knox as secretary of
state
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Prison for life is the sentence which
has been imposed on an Indiana boy
OF seventeen years, he having been
convicted of murder. If he starts in
right away and works hard at it he
ought to be a good enough poet in
three or four years to be entitled to a
nardop
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Democrats in congress announce
that they will oppose to the last ditch
the proposed appropriation of $25O,OOO
which President Taft thinks is neces-
sary for the work of the tariff COM
mission created by the new tariff law.
In all likelihood, the Insurgents will
lend the Democrats their aid. TIE in
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

ITO those that have much shall be
given" says the Louisville Courier
Journal as it contemplated the news
dispatches of the other day telling that
a Pullman porter has discovered and
sold q gold mine. and a New York
plumber has inherited fortune
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Another three cheers and tiger for
Governor Hadley of Missouri. He ex-
presses the opinion that courts are not
sacred things; that they are quite as
fallible as any other human agency;
and they ought to be criticised when
they are in the wrong
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

surgents'' are terribly in earnest in
their support of President Taft in the
interviews they send to their home
newspapers, but they take almost
every opportunity to vote against such
of his wishes as get before congress.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

They have a rather peculiar way
complimenting a man in Sweden For
instance, a professor of King Freder-
icks university told Colonel Roosevelt
that some people saw in him a winged
angel and others a moder,- devil with
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Some accredited wise men are in
clined to be rather foolish on certain
subjects. Along comes a rabbi of
Pittsburg, Pa, who thinks the John
son-J effries fight ought to be called off
because it will have a tendency, no
matter which way it terminates. of
stirring up further discord between the
white and negro races
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Complete suppression of the bucket
shop" business throughout the United
states is sought by the federal depart
ment of justice, according to recent
reports from Washington, and it is
proposed to secure it under existing
laws. II Mr.. Wickersham and his aids
are successful in these efforts they will
have accomplished something great.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

1t was unnecessary for the official
forecaster of the government weather
bureau to announce that the present
spring is unparalleled in the history
of the country " Everybody had formed
an idaa of his own that this was so.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

It is no more than appropriate that
Topeka should be the first city in Kan
sas to be the scene of a real aviation
meet. Topeka is flying high these days
in all things
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Plans are being made by the South
ern Pacific Railway company to sell its
oil properties for $10O,OO0,OO0. And
presumably it acquired them for little
more than a song.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

"Dirtv sIoppy. unreasonable stories
will sell like hot cakes" says Aohoo
Murphy who has just read one "a
them, IF properly advertlseo. ~ ~
they always get the advertising. me
smooth literary agent sends copies 10
the leading ministers and reviewers
The reviewers write just what the Pup-
Usher wants them TON other Woros,
they knock on the book and tell now
Naughty it is. They are SO taken up
with its naug11tiness that they forset
to mention the fact that the book aas
absolutely no literary merit. me
preachers throw a few fits and knock
on the Naughty book from the pulpit
Result; 80 per cent of their congre-
cations leave the church to beat 1t for
the book store. If the preachers ana
reviewers knock hard enough, and al
vertise the rottenness of the book sur
ficiently, it becomes one of the Six Best
sellers. and the Author lives happy
ever after.
but, if the preachers knew enough
to throw the book into the ash can and
keep still, and the reviewer would pass
it up something like this. the Naughty
book would never get past first base:
"One of the latests literary attempts
offered the long suffering public Is
called Three Squawks.' 1t is weak and
mushy to an extreme, and there is
nothing creditable about the book eX-
cept its binding. The author, Yellmore
Gimme, is entitled to another guess ana
pOSl-SrdQuato course IN the klICneIf
Nearly every reporter in the Cub, or
preparatory state, thinks he Is another
Bill Nye, Gene Field or Harmon Will
son. and that his Great Talent viii be
recognized after he is Dead.
LEFT ON THE FREE LIST.
Still we find the prices soaring
Out of sight;
Ultimate consumers roaring
It's a fright.
Eats" are plenty but we never
Have the price:
One things very cheap, however,
That's ADVICEi
All that's needed to get rich quick is
the proper machinery, which seems to
be an appliance for pumping hot air
into the investor, and cold water into
the stock.
The man who takes q smile" every
day is liable to develop a perpetual
grin.
A COMPLETE ALIBI
A POET writes to win applause
For what he doth compose,
But write junk like this because
1t fills more space than prose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Let the government get after what
ever trusts 1t may. suggests the Chi
cago News, provided it never attacks
the trust one occasionally can get at
the grocery
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
WHAT POLITICAL ACTIVITY
MEANS

There will be a good deal of politi-
cal activity this summer
Always remember that not particle
OF It is in the interest of the people;
that all of it will be stirred up by
the politicians, in the interest of
higher taxes
me politicians are always clamoring
FOR the creation of more useless posi-
lions, in order that they may receive
good salaries for doing nothing. And
useless positions paying good salaries
mean higher taxes.
II you do not know that all the poll
tlcal excitement now going, on simply
means higher taxes, and not REFORM
you should attend night school, and
acquire little -Atchison
Globe.
A CHURCH IN LOOKS, ONLY.
SO the Church of This World has
quit business in Kansas City after
fourteen years of existence. Its pas
tor whose "broadness'' could not fit
into any religious organization has
taken to his heart a fourth wife and
VIII go to farming. The Church OF
rms World was too serious to be a
joke Men who realized the desirabili-
ty or church connections, but who did
not wish to change their methods and
habits, Joined the socalled church and
tried to fool themselves into the be-
ilet that they were safe. AS far as
LOOKS were concerned it was a church,
put IT was hollow, unsympathetic and
largely lacking in those essentials neces-
sary to the existence of a real church
Those who paid the bills willingly at
f1rst tired of their toy and the church
mas Quit.-Lawrence World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

The western organization which has
for its object the elimination of the
middleman has undertaken a large
contract, rightly thinks the New York
World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Upon reading the report of King
Georges accession, We discover that
the Associated Press is represented in
London by an old time country editor.
He makes the cannon "belch forth a
royal salute"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

If you must call some one a liar, pick
a dead one. The late Mr.. Rameses of
Egypt was a great man, but it is much
safer to call him a liar than to apply
the epithet to a live hack driver.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

1t is also hard to distinguish, at a
glance, between the peace-maker and
the butter-in.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

The man who takes q smile" every
day is liable to develop a perpetual
grin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

All that's needed to get rich quick is
the proper machinery, which seems to
be an appliance for pumping hot air
into the investor, and cold water into
the stock.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10
A COMPLETE All

A COMPLETE AIIBI.
A POET writes to win applause
For what he doth compose,
But / write junk like this because
1t fills more space than prose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-10

Nearly every reporter in the Cub, or
preparatory state, thinks he Is another
Bill Nye, Gene Field or Harmon Will
son, and that his Great Talent viii be
recognized after he is Dead.