davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Broke UP the Game.

The two football teams are facing
each other.
Tense and %qulvering, the opposing
men await the signal that shall put
the bal Into play and hurl them each
against each in that fierce shock of
battle.
The captain begins calling the code:
"Thirty-six! thirty-five- twenty-five
seventeen!" he shouts.
At that instant the left tackle, who
is working his way through college
by understanding a tailor, absent
mindedly asks:
Side or top pockets?"-Chicago
Post.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
How to Eat Waffles.

The defeated Republican nominee
for Governor of Ohio is very fond OF
wafHes. II have a regular formula for
eating waffes," said Mr.. Harding to a
friend, "and l recommend it to every
one. You eat the first IA waff1es with
out syrup, but with lots Of butter.
Then you put syrup OF the next nine,
and the last half dozen you eat Just
simply swimming in syrup. Eaten
that way waffes never hurt anybody"
success Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Eaoer to obIiqe.

"Your disposition is naturally pleas
ant and hopeful" said the frank
friend.
IT try to keep it So" replied the
somewhat timorous person.
"Then why do you go around tell
ing so many hard luck stories?"
ITO be obliging. 1t makes people
who don't happen to like me feel a
little more Observation-Disclosures
Evening Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Cause of the yrcuble

why was the engagement broken?"
Because of a misunderstanding" re-
piled Miss Cayenne. Each consid-
cred the other lacking in etiquette.
They subscribed to different publica-
tons and weren't reading the same
Hints on How to Behave in Society,""
Washington Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Mark Twain's Legacy.

Six hundred thousand was the sum
He left behind,
And not a dollar Wrested from
Poor humankind.
His earnings were the recompense
OF work well done;
OF wa~ggishness without offense,
And kindly fun.
And in his books, 1t doth befall,
On every page
The gentle author left us all
A heritage.
Washington Herald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Mo Lack Of Effort,

so you were deeply touched by the
poem young Mr.. Softly wrote to your"
Eyes,"
"But it was not a good poem"
II don't care. 1t was just as much
trouble for him to write it as if he had
been Shakespeare. The Smart Set.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
A CHANCE.

The Doctor--Dear me! I'm surprised
to see you in this condition again. II
you disregard my orders, | shall re-
fuse to treat you any more.
The Patient--'Pon my word, laddie,
you're the first man who's said that to
me to-day!-Sketch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Hla New Job.

A San Francisco conductor, who re-
Gently embraced religion, was called
upon to take up the Sunday morning
offering. He did very well until he
came to a boy. young man." he
said, sternly, you will have to pay
half are."--Success Magazine.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Young Swift has been more eau
tious since he was arrested for speed
ing In his auto"
Yes; as the old saw says, "A pinch
in time saves fine. Baltimore Am.
ertcan.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

With 5000 inventors at work per-
fecting the aeroplane it might be ex.
pected to solve all the difficulties Of
aerial travel shortly. But when we
remember how many have been at
work on perpetual motion we are not
10 hopeful.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

A Harvard professor declares that
the late and loveless marriages are re-
Bponsible for the disappearance of real
Yankee blood. Most persons have
thought this was due to the wholesale
importation of other blood.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

A Los Angeles woman used a stick
Of dynamite On her dashboard, sup
posing 1t to be soap. The fact that
there was no explosion indicates that
the wretched makers of dynamite are
adulterating it. Can't we have any.
thing pure any more?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
About All.

Bessie's Mother: Bessie, did you
let Mr.. Snuggle have a kiss?
Bessie: Yes. mamma, / did! He
said it would be a good-by kiss, and
! was just dead anxious to have him
go.-Puck.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

A Chicago professor has discovered
that women gossip because gossiping
gives q pleasing shock to their vase.
motor systems. Having discovered SO
much, 1t ought to be possible to dis.
cover a substitute and thus save
many innocent regulations.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
To please Hls Lady Fair.

Edith--Mercy! Here's a telegram
from Jack. He's been hurt in the foot
ball game.
Ethel-What does he say?
Edith-He says, Nose broken!
How do you prefer it set-Greek or
Roman?"-Boston Transcript.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
OF c.aurse. She Must.

"What time does the dance begin?"
mine o'clock"
'"Then we must be there at $780,"
what for?"
Il must have at least ar hour in
the dressing-room to rearrange my
a ir."--Detroit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Somehow, we find it almost impossi-
BILE to get rid of the feeling that the
mar who married the lady who was
attended by three dogs as bridesmaids
ought to be sympathized with even If
he did go into 1t with his eyes open.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
l1is WILLINGNESS,

Dwight is the most agreeable fel.
low in the world"
THAT so?"
Yes; he w refused a drink, q
cigar or an invitation out to dinner"
Herald,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
His Prlde-her Dust.

"Your marriage to this plebean Am
erican heiress, my son." said the
Countess de Broque, twill humble our
ancestral pride in the dust"
That's all right" ~rejoined the titled
con. "She has agreed to furnish the
dust"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Tha PoInt of VIAM.

DO you believe that a woman is as
old as she lools?" queried the fair
widow.
Well" rejoined the old bachelor,
1T depends on how early In the morn.
Ing u 3 es her."--Chicago News.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

a dirigible balloon that recently
travelled from France to London with
seven passengers has been bought by
the British government. E~nglishmen
agree that q craft with such interest
ing possibilities calls for full inspec-
fiOn.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Horace Fletcher says that If one is
to get his moneys worth out of a
glass of milk he should chew it. Il
might be asked what kind of milk
Horace Ia in the habit of eating.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
The Way to Find Him.

my wife and I are going to spend a,
few months with her people at
Strong's Corners" said the meek lit
tie man, "and l want you to mail your
paper to ne"
YES" said the clerk, whats your
name?"
"Well-er-to make sure, I guess,
you'd better address It: Mary Strong's
Husband, Strong's Corners"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
ALWAYS In WaltIno.

Dashaway-You have splendid look
ing clothes, old a Who is your
tailor?
Cleverton-He's the first man you
see as you go out.-Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
rhev Newer Come BACK.

Hardcastle G Kenyon, the Oldest un-
dertaking house in Kansas, 10Y have
two embalmers, e. A. Leonard and G..
T. Evans. Twenty-Five years and new
er had a failure. Their services are
at your command.-Emporia Gazette.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Longevity il Birds.

Wild geese have been known to
live to the age Of 100. and the raven
commonly lives so years. A record is
said to be extant showing that a cock.
atoo once attained the ripe old age
OF 81 years.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

why do you never laugh when
Mr.. Jollyum tells a funny story7"
Il don't dare" replied the busy
man. III I were to laugh, he'd be en-
couraged to take the time to tell his
whole repertory."-Puck.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

my wife and l are going to spend
a few months with her people at
Strong's Corners" said the meek lit
tie man, land I want you to mail your
paper to me-"
YES" said the clerk, whats your
nameT
"Well-er-to make sure, / guess
you'd better address it Mary Strong's
Husband, Strong's Corners. '"-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Rider and Ridden.

never could believe that Provi-
dence had sent a few men into the
world ready booted and spurred to
ride, and millions ready saddled and
bIidled to be ridden.-Richard Rum
bold.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Another aviator has broken the
high-fiight record for aeroplanes. 1t
happens even more frequently than
the launching of the largest ship or
the death of the oldest Mason.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Every little while somebody wins
the worlds championship at typewrit-
ing, but for some reason champion
typewriters never get splendid offers
to go on the stage.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

According to statistics there are
100 900 telephone stations in the
world, and yet somehow or other you
can't always get the n you want
when you want 1t.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Somebody says that the way to
solve the transatlantic aviation prob
lem is to manufacture hydrogen gas
en- route. If he had only said hot air,
now, 1t would be simple.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Tom: I call my engagement IAN
airship engagement"
Dick. Why so?
Tom: I'm lever sure just how long
It will keep on going.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The man who never sees a $500 bill
has no reason to worry because of
that very dangerous counterfeit which
the Washington authorities say is in
circulation.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
His Only Recourse.

Blobbs: When the mountain would
MT come to Mahomet what did he do?
Slobbs: I suppose he went to the
Observation-Disclosures Record.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

T~hirty-four aviators have met with
fatal accidents during the past year.
Still, some of them might have
stepped on rusty nails If they had re-
manned on the ground.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Aeroplaning to Europe is the latest
upon the aviator's schedule. 1t would
be well to put off the attempt till
after winter-say about f1ytime.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
In the Meanwhile.

Rich Man ito beggar)-Not a cent?
Remember that you will have your
reward in heaven.
Beggar-WiIl /? Then lend me S.
now and / will pay 1t back then. I'll
drop 1t down the chute.-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Pockets in women's skirts are com,
ing back, says an exchange, If ever
they car find the place where they
used to be.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The population of the Philippines
has decreased rs per cent. since we
took them over. Does rac suicide
also follow the flag?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The ideas of the weather clerk are
excellent, but the stubborn climate
will not adopt them.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

There are 81 active volcanoes in
Japan, Notwithstanding the fact that
no political campaign is going on in
Japan.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Canada levied no duty on the bal
looms that started from st. Louis and
went northward across the border
It did not know how to do it.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

A New York Judge has decided that
Nevada divorces are no good. Just
like a New Yorker discarding
things because they're inexpensive!
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The statement is made by a Swiss
doctor that drunkards live longer than
total abstainers. But ever If they do,
what's the use?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Dirigible balloons are dirigible
only when they move with the wind.
They cannot buck the wind as a real
man-bird does.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

In football. as in politics you cannot
always tell. The same is true Of
love and the stock markets, how.
ever.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
credit Where credit e DUO.

Il don't think much Of Fletcher"
Remarked the mooley COW.
II know he claims the credit,
But twas I who showed him howl
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

That fringe of puppy dogs at a New
York wedding has become almost as
famous as the monkeys that dine with
"the 400" 1t Newport.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The English courts have small use
for hypothetical questions or brain
storms.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

One thing is certain, there is plenty
Of room for aviators to make highly
ing records In.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
NEW ERA IN FINANCE
ACCURACY AND PUBLICITY
PROVES TO BE A POPULAR
MOTTO.

Prompt Response to Bold Move Of
President vall-"Accuraey" Redue
ed Western Unions Surplus $751;
ooo,ooo-"PubIielty" Restored Con
fdence and Its Stock Went Up.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

The nervous wrecks in Newport are
the grocers who cannot collect bills
due from the 400.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
A La Carte.

n - NfdTI6s
The midnight son,
Who likes to roister,
Oft feeds upon
The festive oyster.
The chorus girl,
Who's quite a poDSer,
While on a whirl,
Prefers the lobster.
Birmingham Age-TIerald.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Tom-What's his business?

Dick-Well, as lear as ! can make
out, he Is a matrimonial agent for his
two daughters.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Goldfish is scarce and high, and a
fshball trust is suspected.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

Above all. do not forget your ovel
shoes.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

And so far no one has invented a
soft spot for aviators to fall on.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
Fudqei

Edna-An amateur at kissing, eh?
Katherine-I should say 30. Why,
his effort was only an apology for a
kiss.
Edna-And were you angry, dear?
Katherine-Oh, no. ! accepted the
apology.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
ashe bad Al indulgent father.D

"She had IN indulgent father"
Settled a million dollars on the
duke, I hear"
Eyes, and put $4,000 in trust in
case she ever wants q divorce.
Pittsburg Post.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

In some respects this has already
been an old-fashioned winter.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08

II hear she is to be married. Who
is the happy man?"
"Her father. "--Lippincott's.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-12-08
official Dote on State Ticket by Counties

$ss%gs tab" the %h aNH%a " @~ -" votes '" nice" and @&~"~ for st LOU" Court Of A~N :" n"
""a "ssprmsU Court '" %S@ %$%%.SS ye s~ss aa e"@s"@" Railroads" s~s""" """"""~'
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1910-04-01
CHURCH NOTICES.
March 81, 1910.

St. Michaels Episcopal church. Morning
sery;ce and sermon at 1890 a. m. sun.
dav school at noon: evening service ana
sermon at 7 D. m. The Easter music Will
be repeated.
Unitarian church, Rev. +. @. S. Osgood,
pastor. Service next Sunday at lo'oo;
Subject of sermon, Prayer. In pace OIL
the usual Sunday school exercises the rue
of communion will be observed. All are
welcome
The JJniyersalst church, Rev. d. Il.
Trout. pastor. Divine worship, 1870 a.
m with sermon. Sunday school, ll.4o a.
m Evening service, o'clock with stere-
onticon lecture; topic, From the Baltic TO
tie Bavarian Alps Everyone welcome 70
ali church services. X. Q. X. A., Weo-
nesday, IT'S p. m.
Methodist church: Preaching by the
,oStor Rev. Mark H. Sharples, Sunday,
l 10 ~ = M: Sunday school, AS a. M;
Enworth league, p. M; leaders, Mrs ,n
Ceoroe Wilbur, Corrinne Belle; topic, Inc
sabbath Rest and the Week Day Toll;
nraise and prayer service, p. m; Tues
dav evening, class meeting, 7.3O p. NJ
leader. S. NJ. Yeaw; prayer meeting, FIJI
day evening, 7.3O
First Baptist church, Rev. John 4; <.
Cow. D. D., minister, worship WITH VI,
preaching both morning and evening. The
1oth anniversary of the church is to be
observed this week. Morning sermon oy
Rev. Prof. Rowe OF Boston on SeveneS
Churches. Evening address by Principal
George B. Lawson, formerly pastor OF the
church. on The Church and Modern Edu-
c ca the Church BY viii B. Smith, with
re by members of the church u sa
and expastors. Tuesday evening ming a Pb ~
s su nastor of the church, on Men In
the Church and Out of 1t; "Wednesday
s sHe n at $50, supper and annual bust
ness meeting, with closing address by Rev Rev
Hvnf for conference and prayer on Friday
evening. Bible school at u m on Sunday
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1910-04-01
A Notice to Theatergoers.

In the announcement of prices for the
much heralded engagement of Billy the
Boy Artist, the new musical comedy that
last week in Boston made good in ear
nest. the management has taken a. laud-
able view of existing conditions and cir
cumstances.
1t can be safely said that everybody
wants to see the Boston Sunday Globe S
cartoon show, and it is also an equally
veracious statement that this musical
comedy has proven itself a regular $l.5O
attraction. But with evident realization
Of the existing high cost of living, an ap,,
probation of the fact that everybody will
want to see Billy" and the knowledge
that theatergoing is more or less of lux
ury the management has announced the
prices for this engagement as 75c., DOC.
and 25c.
We are sincere in the belief that this is
a step in the right direction and the peo-
ple of Brattleboro should thank Manager
Fox for his efforts to give them the best
possible entertainment at prices within
the reach of every pocket. 1t should also
be stated that the production of Billy the
Bow Artist comes intact from its Boston
engagement with the same company, seem
cry and effects.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1910-04-01
Knife! There is no knife here.


ut must be here, master. May | look
The scholar, ms hand trembling, held
open the door. The vagabond passed into
the library, and the scholar followed HIM
The strangers gaze searched the table
and then the floor. Presently he darted
toward the front window and picked W
something. II was the knife.
II told you, master, that you might
need it," he slowly said. See.
He pointed stubby forehnger at the
blade that now bore coating OF reddish
brown.
The scholar gasped and leaned against
the door casing. He felt Ill.
Don't tell me il was not dream, he
whispered.
The yagabond drew newspaper from
the side pocket of his shabby coat
Read this he said. Here's light on
the darkness, master
The scholar stared at the loaded article
the yagabond pointed out. Then he hur-
riedly read it through. Ii was headed,
Sensational Stabblng, and the story read
as follows:
AT 100 this morning Patrolman James
Donovan found two men lying at the edge
OF the roadway nearly opposite the college
campus. Both men were in a serious con
dition and Donovan called an ambulance.
The men were taken to st. Mark 5 hospital,
where it was found they were suffering
from severe knife wounds. One OF them
bore five knife thrusts and the other four.
The wounds are of singular character.
They were made by an extremely thin
blade, short and keen, and the victims
bled very little externally, The hospital
physicians say they viii both recover.
Patrolman Donovan called Police Captain
Parker to the hospital and he immediately
recognized the men as sam Harlow and
Baxter Whalen, both much wanted char
acters, who have undergone prison SEN
fences. One OF the men told the captain
that they had been attacked by an escaped
madman but the police believe that they
quarreled and hurt each other or that a
pal hurt both of them and then got away,
Captain Parker regards the arrest as very
important He believes the men are the
much wanted burglars who have terror
lied the West End.
The paper slipped from the scholars
hands.
He shivered slightly
1T was not dream he murmured
mo more than | am, said the vaga,,
bond. Health to you, master, and
thanks"
He crossed the porch and hurried down
the pathway. As he looked back he waved
his hand to the scholar and the knife
caught the suns rays and gllstened like
a thing of fire.
The scholar dropped heavily into the
chair at the table.
II have had an adventure at last, he
murmured and because ! cannot prove
IL M ono shall ever know of it y
And he suddenly laughed loud and long.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1910-04-01
No Special Train from Keene.

Editor RefOrmer:
Regarding the Keene festival, concern
ing which notice appeared in your paper
last week, regret to say that letter re-
ceived from Mr.. Coffin, conductor OF the
festival. states that they are, unable to
arrange for the special train from South
Vernon to Brattleboro connecting from
Keene after the concert, They though It
was entirely feasible and 50 announced
It. but the friction between the two roads
prevents the consummation of the plan;
II is to be hoped that many will attend
the festival, but SO far as getting home
that night by rail is concerned, 1t is out
of the question. VIZ uo,o,
March 81 1910.