davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
The Tired Business Man
BY WALTER A. SINCLAIR.


81 see that Captain Archibald Butt was
sent out securing for successor TO Presi-
dent Taft 3 lamented COW, :" observed Friend
Wife. rs that military aid?"
I'm this case the cap is the butt of the
joke" said the Tired Business Man. Yes,
] know that has been used before but It's
always good. l couldn't say that he was
the arch conspirator of the COW finding
plot. could i? What plot? Grass plot
Well, never mind. l should think, though
that on his salary he could afford a lawn
mower.
The critics have said that the president
didn't take hold and give orders enough
but it looks 10 me as though he was getting
a little 'bossy.' So--now, so! Right at the
beginning of fly time, too. sending the cap
down into the Genesee valley to get the
COW that Representative James Wadsworth
found himself chased by. I suppose that
they will name her Dill Emma, because
Of the two horns. Honk, honk,
IT'S kind Of funny isn't it, this bovine
search, when the Founders OF the admin
istration have shouted that the president
was thoroughly cowed by the interests
Still maybe his front lawn isn't. IT'S a
moot question Which reminds me, you
asked me II that is a duty OF a military
aid Pardon the depression.
Certainly it's a military aid. You must
get rid Of this idea that all a military aid
has to do is TO look sober in full dress
uniform at all hours. 1t takes husky lad
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
Systematic Rest Will Keep
Women Young in Looks

A woman who is IS years old, and looks
only 80, sank back in a comfortable chair
and looked compa ssionately at another
woman. who appeared TO be more than 40
years, though she was three years younger
than the youthful matron.
You look as though YOU were dead to
the world" declared the fresh looking
woman. and here l am three years your
senior, feeling fresh and young. Know why
do? I'm going to tell you.
Il have a rest room or course, II you
live in an apartment you can't have one,
for YOU can Z get away from the sound OF
domestic machinery. But in my house l
have reserved one room on the third floor,
and I'm not sure that it doesn't contain the
elements Of perpetual youth.
when ! go there and close the door
leave orders that / am to he disturbed by
nothing less than sudden death in the fam
lily or fire. That is an memorable law, and
any maid who infrnged upon il would be.
dismissed. 'sG
This room on the third story is quieter
than one downstairs.
1T il furnished quietly, the walls are gray
and there are soft green linen hangings or
course, there are dark shades TO keep out
strong light, for nothing is more firing than
light when one Is fatigued.
The furniture in this room consists Of a
few comfortable chairs OF straw, with
green cushions, and one steamer chair You
can relax tremendously In a steamer chair.
Then, for entire ease, there is broad
couch covered with gray. 1t has green
cushions, The color combination is sooth-
ing to the eyes and 10 the nerves
'ou the walls there are only three pic
tures--one large photograph OF some OF
the Swiss mountains. II has grandeur and
is quletng in effect. Then there is one OF
the ocean, picture that Is pillows only
no ship 10 in sight The third is wooden
glade with sunlight giinting down through
the trees.
On my table there are always two or
three books that can be read without tax
| ing the mind
And In that room | rest. do not per
nit myself while there TO think OF troubles
and ] am never disturbed. card hung
at the foot Of the stairs announces to the
maids that am In my retreat. and they
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
Tells Friend Wife the President is
Getting Little "Bossy,"

everything. He must play a little tennis
and he can sing a little BARITONE and some
times he must slide little base. The
tennis in this case being goliuf
Every president has had little military
aid. Washington, Jackson, Taylor. Grant
and Roosevelt were elected by military aid,
aforesaid military coming home from
awful war to the aid of the party, like all
good men. The Tilden democrats even said
that Hayes had a military aid which
helped some-but enough of this frivolity!
"A military aid is a handsome piece OF
bric-a brac who knows just how to brush
his hair and who always reads What the
Man Will Wear in the theater program
while the boss is In the front of the box
obscurng the view. He can run errands
carry messages, keep the boats or auto
mobiles from being lopsided, balance the
photographs. speak 10 the janitor about
the heat lose a twosome smilingly, dance
without catching any trains, take the
upper berth uncomplainingly and eat ban
auets fifty-two weeks in the year without
expiring. He sees the cream of society
which qualities him as a COW expert
imagine that a military aid would be the
best person in the land to get a COW. He
might even get a goat"
"Why does the president need COVE
asked Friend Wife.
Don't know. But his pictures in soli
trousers show two fine calves" said the
Tired Business Man,
Copyright 1910, by the N. Y Herald Co
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
SIDELIGHTS ALONG
WASHINGTON BYWAYS

building today that it's owner fears may
lore Tor him federal judgeship. The
possessor OF the rainboy-hued dazzle in
his dome is western politician who
counted his chickens. and double at that
before thcycwere Matched
lie was drawing down 1850 year in
this city, when certain Judge in his state
resigDed lie at once importunod his
friends TO get the place for him lie iured
p numbersof tho cabinet into giving him an
Endorsement. and by the time the cabinet
membek consented TO see the president the
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

name, however he asked that he might
have talk with the prospective occupant
of the western woolsack.
Then the, friends began to look. For two
days and three nights they pursued the
'Tddge.i' He ,eft a trail all right, but it
led more circuitously than any they had
ever followed. At last they found him and
: Up q, highly nervous state.
'H"All day yesterday this would-oe judge
was being sponged. steam cleaned. patched
and pressed. Last bulletins from the anx-
i6us watchers contained the hop. that the
Western member will be able to see
Mr. Taft today and bear out all they said
about him. And he will. probably be sp-
tpsanted. =" , 'EN
~. Ore Of the most unusual political docu-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

am NOT though, honestly / think the
anti-suffragists are making . lot of noise
at present"
They had gone a long way from the
length of hatpins. The Boss, vino had
given the whole afternoon to a summing
up did not want TO give the whole even
ing to debate To say so, however, would
mean that long after he had been driven
to his couch his wife would be winding
up the peroration OF womans suffrage
address to the chandelier
The Boss therefore decided to temporize.
Moralizing was his wifes specially.
Say, sweetheart he observed, you
ought to have your portrait painted--not
by one of those fellows who make a spe-
cialty of reconciling homely women to their
faces but by a real artist who could do
you Justice"
NO man can do woman Justice who
isn't in love with her." replied the Boss
wife. mo man. no artist even, recognizes
beauty tin beauty recognizes him. II you
can't be beautiful be grateful, and some
great artist will cut his ideal down to suit
you as easily and as willingly as If he were
an cast side tailor"
But do YOU want to be a ready made
idealG' asked the Boss ...
ave got to be! That's the trouble with
men. They make their ideals as ready
made dealers make their clothes-so they
can be cut down to sit alHnaRt any thing"
"Oh, cut II OUT eXclainiSd the Boss en-
phatically, "or write 1t when I'm not here
But now let's go and take in vaudeville
show. And mind-dont wear any hatpns
that look as II they wanted to mpale the
theater crowd on both side OF Broadway
yes, dear" the militant suffragette re-
Piled as she carefully spesred a forty -two-
inch flowered creation Vita TWO. forty
eight-inch hatplns. r.
/ u gave my wife rather seEere lecture
las, night on the dangerous practice com
/ mon to her sex OF wearing long, hatpins '
said the Boss TO the Confirmed Married
Man next morning. :aph II DID her a lot
! Of good" '.
Copyright, 1910, New York Herald Coz
Il
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

ments that has ever been filed in Wash
inatop came yesterday TO senator Bradley
OF Kentucky. from Robert E. Woods. post
master Of Louisville. who Is seeking reap
pointment. II was an affidavit setting
forth in queer mixture Of legal and dis
tracted phraseology. a denial on the part Of
Mr. Woods that he had eyer made these
two statements 20 ef6i &c
That the election of Mr. Bradley to the
senate would be a disgrace.
That Senator Bradley was afflicted with
senie dementia.
1t has been charged by persons in Ken
lucky opposed to Mr.. Woods rcappoint-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
Boss Of the Establishment
BY AMERE MAN.

.,,sy- BY AMERE MAN.
- II see.o said the Boss of the establish
: ment looking up approvingly from his
evening paper that several legislatures
are considering bills to regulate the length
of women's hatpins."
Yes answered the Boss Wife in her
most supercilious manner. II wonder when
legislatures win begin to. deliberate upon
the length OF a mans whskers. That
seems to me a much more important prob
lem. As 70 that. you know what Abraham
Lincoln said when some one asked him
u. row long mans legs should be-'Just
. ,long enough to reach the ground he
answered."
Does the Lincoln ancedote apply. to hat
pins orswhiskers?" inquired the Boss OBJ
tusely. b-
a prophet is not without whiskers Elk
1cept in his own family epigrammatized
A the Boss Wife.
"a prophet?' the Boss echoed. 81 think
you mean joke All the jokes you've
ever told ma were rabbis, Their whiskers
arg never trimmed. But do you really
., NJ Pan. 20 say YOU don't think legislature
has the right to protect It's citizens from
murder and sudden death by regulating
he concealed weapons women carry in
their hats?'
But women are not citizens" objected
a. lady. Hasn't the New York legisla-
GTre just decided that by refusing the
woman suffrage ohl chance to be voted
on?"
Lets get back 10 hatpins," said the
Fuss hurriedly. You're a conservative
an Your clothes are not loud-that
o not very loud. Your hats are not ex-
VloF &c
how long do you think a. hatpin ought to
beY"
"Just long enough to pierce the other
side OF that hat" his wife answered.
% But suppose the hat is a yard around"'
Il the Boss protested.
,W"Then.r' answered tire lady. with mathe-
matte PRECISION Il can tell you exactly
how long che hatpin should be. The hat,
having a circumference of a yard, the
diameter would be about third-that is,
ono foot&'s tH ~ s-.s
5,"Pifne" the Boss retorted. being at a
loss OF anything else 10 say II can't see
why you want To mix yourself up with
these square faced women reformors.
20 What do you need with rights, anyhow
You're pretty woman"
- Thank you drawled the Boss Wife.
! might as well say to you-'Why work
10 pay the rcnt? You can be pick
4, pocket ...
You don't understand" replied the Boss
loft'ly. My ideal of q woman is one who
Elves only for her husband and children,
NNho shuus publicity, who-won for IN
stance l have a great respect for that
fetePie Professor at Vassar who Rot cut
ofS1h public services commission because
sorho newspapers printed her picture"'
s,ETopehlns rSdcaIyy' enccred the Boss
WIFE ..-
e And then she quoted ycmIniscently-
AND the deyil .did grin,
For his fevCrite sin
.r5. Is pride, ihat apes Humility
NIU doesn't matter to any one but an
esptist Whether her picture is printed o,
not" coatnsed Che lady You motto,
that Nassar Shl asked That the renson,
ltr her 'ycsignetIen be published in an,
fawspa ocrs which, she said caused II -
You krOw. my dear" replied tho Bos,
=. " IN a superior air, where women ar,
'llocrnsd Mos not much difference be
'SA~n the great ] AN ana the great j
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

granting his requests pretty consistently.
Mr.. Woods learned what charges had
been made, and today Senator Bradley re-
ceived the remarkable affidavit, duly signed
and sworn to in Louisville April %, before
l.. e. Sauerman, notary, He immediately
took MIR. Woods into favor and will prob
ably recommend him for reappointment.
This Endorsement will end the bitches
in tho Kentucky patronage situation. Sew
eral of Senator Bfadley's choices will be
named to important offices and the name
of Mr.. Woods will go in also.
The affidavit declares that Mr.. Woods
has always considered Senator Bradley
IAN able lawyer, the leader of his party
in Kentucky and one of the greatest orators
in the country
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

,westerner felt that his job was going to
be unrestrained. SO while his friends were
on the way to the White House to tell Mr..
Taft what bully judge he would make,
the object OF their solicitude disappeared
with a noise as Of swinging doors behind
him ~.
THE president, who is finicky about his
federal judges, was overwhelmed with the
Endorsement given HIS candidate. NJ. Taft
learned that he was industrious. a glitter
ing lawyer. a profound constitutionalist
honorable and-Lsober The cabinet minister
added that, In addition. the candidate had
been ruled Off and planed down for a
federal judgeshlp by his father many years
before. Before the president sent in the
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

to go it twenty-four hours day support
animated, uniformed hash anything and
ing coat trimmed up with SO much
bullion that he looks like the famous gold
standard personfied. All fixed up with
lace and gold frogs, though heaven knows,
there are enough croakers about Taft.
"a military aid has TO remember In
times Of peace prepare for bores.' But in
addition TO keeping the pests away from
the boss and being photographed with him
sitting in an automobile at the Jersey City
ferry house. than which there are fewer
greater hardships, he had to be sort of
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

the business up. Say, cIerics to marry,
magistrates to issue warrants for assault
recovery OF wedding presents and the like
and the judges to divorce.
1t was mere coincidence that Colonel
Roosevelt was at The Hague the day of
the little princess birthday and shared with
the royal infant of Holland the rejoicings
Of the populace. Remarks about taking
candy from a baby are not in order.
immigration inspector passed woman
who could not speak the language when
her parrot. weary of the parley, calculated
cut that out" IAN right" said the in
spector. your parrot speaks English.
That shows you have been in this country,
as you say. You're admitted" Look for
a boom in educated parrots.
Because a baldheaded man in a theater
was made the target OF bean blower in
the gallery an assembly bill proposes Ia
include in the list of deadly weapons sings
bean shooters, bows and arrows putty
blowers and pegs OF the kind used in the
game OF cat" Better enforce existing
statutes before numbering the books with
any more fool laws.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

ment that he had made these two remarks
in reference to the able and kindly senator
from his own state. Senator Bradley had.
OF course, become personally affronted
when presented with this evidence and
thrown his weight against Mr.. Woods
candidacy.
Though Postmaster General Frank II.
Hitchcock is a schoolmate Of Mr.. Woods
and strongly for the Louisville mans re-
appointment, Senator Bradley, the chief
patronage distributor for Kentucky and the
only republican senator from the state.
threw his weight against Mr.. Woods. AS
Louisville is Senator Bradley's home town
ne would have probably been successful in
his opposition, as the president has been
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
Daily Health Hint

Understand that II you are mentally uni
fled with sickness, old age and death. no
amount Of desire or affirmation can make
YOU well, young or long lived. To be
healthy you must be mentally In unity
with health; to remain young you must be
mentally one with youth and TO live long
YOU must be mentally unified with life
says Wallace d. WAttes In the Nautilus
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

say not at home to visitors, be they social
or business. And 1t keeps me young and
fresh, for never am utterly tagged. Try
it." MARGARET MIXTER.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
The Onlooker

Local theosophist who learned the yogi
and mahatme trade from Ann O'Delia Diss
De Barr says New York will slip into the
sea in from three TO ten years. What's
the use Of moving, to say nothing about
taking the census9
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Judge Grosscup Of Chicago, who cabled
TO his bankers for money from Monte
Carlo, explains that he accidentally sent
his original letter of credit with his linen
to the laundr,. That's all right, TIN all
come out In the wash
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
Superseded.

The orator now disappears:
Our eager souls are stirred
A. present 20 eXultant cheers
BY abe man who slides 10 third.
IT. Z. n
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

French railroads are reported TO have
forbidden kissing in the stations with a
view TO accelerating train service. Oh,
that's all right Let the trains pull out,
Most OF the osculators are not passengers.
It's habit and the station the best place
to indulge in without attracting undue
attention.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
ScasOnRbIc reflections

II YOU have anything 20 sell or exchange
advertise It IN The Bee Want Adj columns
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

night along One Hundred and Twenty-fifth
street in a rapidly running night hawk
cab. the bottom of which has fallen out.
COMMISSIONS Waldo proposes TO let citi
zens with yearning for attending fires
have police line badges for $50 a year.
Don't BE as much in the way inside the
fire lines as ticket spectators are outside
thsaters.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Tally one for Harlem for a genuine new
sensation. JOY riding in the northern me
tropolis consists OF doing a Marathon at
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09
s II not sad

To think, my I'D
Does IL not give YOU pain
To ponder that
Last years straw hat
Won't do " wear again,
IT. z. NJ.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Lord mayor Of London thinks that mar
riages should be performed by clerics only
Seems right Too many mixing in, what
with mayors, aldermen, judges and magis-
trates permitted to officiatC. Ought to cut
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Notice that only s96 noted Americans have
been nominated for the Hall of Fame, Buff
falo Bill, Lydia Pinkham, the three-dollar
shoe man and other notables being omitted
To save heartburninGs why not run up a
tall building built entirely of city directo-
ries, blue books, census returns and divorce
records? ...'.....-
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Disappearance of toll gates is remarked
as an evidence OF progression, but It is to
be presumed they have been succeeded
by something just as good to get the
money.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Haven't noticed anybody publishing tn,
list Of pugIlists killed in the ring within
the last twenty-five years What's tn
matter, lost the tab or what?
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-05-09

Special message to congress today urge
that the defences OF the Panama canal b,
completed and ready for business Januar!
1. 1915 Splendid idea. But wouldn't it b.
well to have some sort of defence fixed u
for, say, 1912
The Carlisle independent., 1910-03-03

Miss Julia Pribble, who holds a position with Paul Tailoring O.. of Little Rock, is visiting her mother and other relatives in Carlisle this week.
 If you hear or know of an in- teresting item of news in thelO- calitv in which you live make it a point to see that it finds a place in the Independent. Your effort will be appreciated by us very much. We want everything that will tend to brighten the news service of our paper, thereby making it of much value to the community and to you.
The Carlisle independent., 1910-03-03

Drs. Grimes and Cow, the vet erinarians who have been testing the cattle throughout this sec tion for tuberculosis, have fin ished their work in the vicinity of Carlisle and a few days ago moved to Hazen where they will take up the work over there. During their stay here they have tested nearly six thousand cattle, of which they found only 53 af- fected. These have all been killed and their carcasses de stroyed, persuant to the state law. Drs. Grimes and Cow are both gentlemen of the highest type and have made many friends in this section during their stay here.
The Carlisle independent., 1910-03-03
CARLISLE DEPOT
 TO BE IMPROVED
Superintendent Cooley announces that Rock Island will Remodel and En- large Passenger Station at Carlisle. the Rice and Milk Town.

The Rock Island passenger station at Carlisle is to be mater tally increased in size and greatly improved in other ways, accord ingto statement made by A. B.. Copley of the Rock Island, when questioned regarding the report that the company is to spend considerable money there.
 The present station, erected a few years ago, on the north side of the track, when it was seen that the general station on the other side of the track had be- come too small. At the time it was considered adequate for all needs, but since that time Carlisle has grown materially and the community about the town has grown more in population and the station has gradually become to be too small.
 Mr. Copley recently made a very thorough investigation of the conditions prevailing there. with the result that the company has ordered the remodeling of the station and material in crease in the size of the building The waiting rooms are to receive special attention, cement walks, are to be- laid about the station and the platform at the station is to be extended 40 feet.
 The cost of the improvement will reach not less than S2, 300. The material for this work has been ordered. Little Rock Democrat, of Sunday February 2, 10.
 The above will be cheering news to the people of Carlisle and vicinity as the present structure has long since become inadequate for the needs of our fast growing
The Carlisle independent., 1910-03-03


 Prof. J. J. Doyne president of the State Normal School Conway has promised to attend the big rally at the Eagle Park Camp Grounds, the first Sunday in May, and deliver an address on Christian Citizenship. Every body knows what it means to hear Prof Doyne. He is scholar ly and forceful in the presenta- tion of his subject. Don't fail to hear him.
 Seed potatoes and onion sets at Buechley's.
The Carlisle independent., 1910-03-03
Arkansas Big Railroad Gain.

In nine years, 1900 to 1909. railroads in Arkansas increased their mileage 59 per cent, accord ing to a very exhaustive table just prepared by G. W. Swain, rate clerk of the Arkansas Rail road Commission.
 This is the length of time that the railroad commission has been in existence, and the commis- sioners claim it is not very bad record for the railroads in the few years they have been under regulation. In 1871 there were 34 miles of railroad in Arkansas. In 1900 there were 3,167. 40. In 1909 the record shows 5,038.7 B with 1, 1,19007 as side tracks, giv- ing a total of 6, ,228.77
 This is the number of miles which are operated in Arkansas, but the number actually owned by the companiesoperating them is a trifie less, 6,11260. The Iron Mountain has the largest mileage, which is without .the branches recently acquired, 1 ,S31 The Rock Island has 742. 33 miles in the state without the 30666 miles of the old Kansas City, Fort Scott & Memphis. The Frisco has 431.32. The St Louis & Southwestern has 570.71. The Missouri & Northwestern Ar kansas has 322.08 miles, and the Kansas City Southern 190. The balance of the railroads have less than 100 miles in the state run ming all the way down to the LAnguille river Railroad, which has but 1. 10 miles of track.
 Spring and summer under wear just in at Buechley's.