The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1910-11-26
HUMOROUS CUPS
Some uon'ts For Christmas.


Don't send a grand piano 70 your
fiancee in Chicago with little note
requesting her TO put Il into her stock
ing
Don't send an electric runabout TO a
freezing widow with 1--WE starving chill.
dren. This Is like throwing a rope of
pearls 10 a drowning man.
Don't give your wife n set OF Rus
sian sables or an ermlne opera cloak
If your balance at the bank is down 10
an overdraft OF SILL
Don't present your pastor with copy
Of The Worlds Best Sermons" He
might preach one OF them by mistake
and interfere with your Sunday morn
ing nap.
Don't send blank check signed TO
your son In college. As a student of
the arts II may be that he has learned
TO draw.
Don't undertake TO impersonate San
IN Claus for the delectatlon OF your
children and try to come down
by o flue II you have n waist meas
urement of fifty seven inches.
Don't be ostentatious i'm your celebra
ton OF the day. The man who decorat
ed his windows last year with wreaths
woven OF greenbacks dotted all over
with maraschino cherries instead OF
holly berries Is soJourning this season
at Bloomlngdaie.
Don't appear on the public highways
with a piece OF mlstletoe decorating
your winter hat unless you are n par
ticularly angular old maid. There are
a large number OF freshmen home from
college lurking about. and they might
Well. you never can tell.
Don't fail TO discriminate I'm your
Christmas economies. IL you are
using last years gifts for this years
presents be careful not TO send to
your rich maiden aunt the very same
ear tabs she knitted for you last
Christmas
Don't look ungraciously on the bar
gain counter cigars your wife buys for
you as a little surprise. but keep them
either TO smoke when her mother Is
visiting you or to augment your popu.
ularity with the electorate when you
run for office. Many man has been
waited into the state legislature on
the strength OF that kind OF weed.
Don't be sarcastic In your choice OF
gifts for those you love. Ii is all right
TO send n copy of the Payne tariff bill,
bound In pigskln. TO your member OF
congress or a barrel OF sand TO your
grocer. but 1t Is bad policy 20 send
your wife a rolling pin labeled "a
Woman's Club For Mother TO Spend
Her Afternoons At" She might insist
upon your joining II some night on
your return from your own club In
defenseless condition.
Don't make pre-Christmas promises
that you do not intend 10 fulfill 1t IL
not good form TO promise your daugh-
ter ring and then give her a muffin
ring or to tell your son. who is fond
OF motoring. that he shall have a new
machine for Christmas and then pre-
sent him with a vacuum cleaner or a
newfangled automatic potato reaper.
Don't fail to investigate closely the
antecedents OF any strange Santa
Clauses that turn up Unexpectedly In
your household after midnight There
are several lmpostors about imper.
sonatlng the good old chap who are
entirely Unauthorized to represent him
and who have no standing whatsoever
In the Yuletide union. II they stir
your heart 10 action give them what
you have for them quickly and with
out stint. lest. actuated by the spirit
OF the hour. they get in their gifts
first.-Puck.