davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
GOOD Jokes
AN ovERPlUS.

Laherty-Tooley's new wife. I IN
derstand. has a great deal Of settles
teem."
Rafferty-She has 50 much Of II that
when Tooley the other day wanted to
store his first wife's portrait In the At
tic the new Mrs. T. insisted that the
picture be left hanging where It was.
In the sitting room.
LafRerty-But what has that to do
with the lady's self-esteem?
Rafferty-Why. don't you see? She
wanted the portrait to remain in sight
SO Tooley by comparison would realize
the great improvement he had made
in his second choice.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
To Much to Believe.

4 should like to be excused. your
lordship." said a man who had been
summoned on jury in England.
What for?"
I owe man five pounds and ! want
to hunt him up and pay It."
DO you mean to tell this court you
would hunt up a man to pay bill in
stead Of waiting for him to hunt you
up?"
Yes. your lordship."
You are excused. don't want any
one on the Jury who will lie like that"
-Cassel's Journal.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
eoollshly Honest.

Watkins-Why did Cameron, the
photographer. have to make an as
Segment?
Snodgrass-He had to make 1t be-
cause he was too foolishly honest to
break his word. He advertised to fur
nish six full-length photos for two dol
lars, and wouldn't back down when a
proprietor OF a menagerie gave him an
order for 80 dozen pictures Of Q
giraffe.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
"ShoW Me Another"

Soon after twins had arrived at the
home Of a prominent dry goods mer-
chant recently the proud father led
his son Richard. aged four. into the
room to see the little strangers. The
father first pulled down the covers
and showed one Of the babies to his
son. He then walked to the other
side of the bed and exhibited the
other twin. Richard gazed at the two
for moment with noncommittal
look on his face. and then demanded:
"Show me another. papa"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Justified Alarm.

Very much excited and out OF
breath. a young man who could not
have been married very long. rushed
up to an attendant at one of the city
hospitals and inquired after Mrs.
Brown In the hospital.
my God! Don't keep me waiting
In this manner" said the excited
young man. 81 must know how she u.s.
well. she isn't here" again said
the attendant.
.She must be-" broke In the visitor.
for here Is q note I found on the
kitchen table when ! came home from
work"
The note read:
Dear Jack: Have gone to have my
hmono cut out. Annie"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
A New Program.

"Are you going to take summer
boarders this Year,"
NO." answered Farmer Corntossei.
business Is good aud times are
changed. Aftenthis I'm going to take
vacation In cold weather and drop In
and criticise the city folks that have
to take winter boarders."
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Plenty Of Noise,

II am deuced surprised to see Fred.
dy engaged In conversation with those
two wicked burglars" remarked the
tall chappy. in Mortified tones.
SSH" cautioned the short chappy.
ITS veal bizarre idea Of Freddy's."
What is?"
why. those two burglars have Just
stolen the whistle from a freight loco
motive and are going to attach 1t on
Treddy's new motor car"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Twenty.Flrst Century.

Jones (pausing before a painting In
the art gallery)-See what this pic.
ture represents. It is entitled "The
First and the Last" and shows two
men with silver spades.
Smith (who is examining the catar
loguc)-It represents the man who re-
moved the first earth for the Panama
canal and his OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
grandson. the man who removed the
last"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

trouble with the
kidneys. Dos n s
Kidney Pills re.
move the cause.
RS. 10 s ep b
Cross, Church st.,
Morrilton, Ark.
says: For weeks
I was bent double
by pain In my back
and the kidney Sc
cretions were pro-
fuse. NV feet and
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

ankles were badly swollen and | had
headaches and dizzy spells. Six doc
tors treated me without relief and
finally began taking Doan's Kidney
Pills. They cured me-"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. so cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Understood the Sex.

His Daughter-Daddy. you were
twenty-five when this was taken,
weren't you? Why, you might have
sat for IL yesterday.
Her father-M'yes; your mothers
own daughter. Well. well, you'll find
ii on the table, | think.
His Daughter-Find what, daddy,
darling?
Her Father-The checkbook. my
own lamb.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
A Better Place,

Modley-Hello. where are you
going?
Trawling-I'm going to the museum
to look at antiques.
Modley-AntiQues In the museumf
That's no place for antiques. Come
with me: I'm going to see the collec.
ton In the cold-storage house.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
THE JoLLiER.

He doesn't always mean n,
When he comes along each day
With . CHEEKY bit OF smiling
And q pleasant word to say.
! know he has his troubles
And life isn't all . song:
But he's trying to forget 'em
A. he Jollies folks along.
He isn't all unseifish
Al he greets his feilow-man:
He's quick to ask q service.
But he'll do one II he can.
His kindliness n something
That Ill fortune cannot bulge,
It's only just a jolly,
But it's better than q grudge.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Not In the Agreement.

Daniel had been cast into the lions
den.
My main objection" he said. as he
playfully tweaked a lions name. lis
that | get no moving-picture royal
fieS "-puek
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Placatlno Her.
When Mrs. Pitt
Begins 10 cry.
Pa Pitt Jumps up
And says: '.Buyl Buyi~
In Aades.

His Satanic Majesty-The new an.
nual paving is getting on nicely. but
what In the name of all the fiends IL
the meaning of that tremendous pile
OF bricks lying yonder? You've got
enough Of that particular kind to pave
the whole Internal regions.
Head Imp--Those. my lord. are the
good resolutions about pure politics
and graftless administrations.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Injustice.

"You Americans think of nothing but
getting money" said the critical Wis.,
ltor.
Another injustice!" replied Mr..
Dustin Stax. "Observe the bargain
counter sale or the educational dona-
ton. and ponder on our enthusiasm
about giving 1t up"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
The Dry Brand.

She was caught In a shower.
But she didn't get wet:
Twas a shower of rice.
Such as brides often get.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
The Preference.

MY DEAR" said the far-seeins
parent, that young man mag be Q
tribe tedious. but he h . coming
man"
Perhaps he H.. sighed the weary
maiden. hut I'd rather he had more
10 In him"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Sensible.

Il admire Torkins immensely"
"Why sol"
"Oh, because he called an automo-
bile by its right name and not q pun
wagon or a buzz buggy or an auto
mobubble.' In . futile effort to be
funny"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
His Reason.

How did you come to leave your
wife in Paris?"
"She couldn't decide whether she
wanted three yards and half or four
yards, and ! got tired of waiting"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
WON EMS ILLS.

Many women who suffer with back
ache, bearing-down pain, headaches
and nervousness do not know that
these ailments are usually due to
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Relieved by Murine Eye Remedy. Try
Murine For Your Eye Troubles. You Will
Like Murine. II Soothes. soc at Your
Druggists. Write For Eye Books. Free.
Murine Eye Remedy Co. Chicago.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
A Saloon Effect.

Titcomb-Faynuer had . dizzy
spell yesterday. and fell from . 9TH.
door window.
Greene-WaS he hurt?
Titcomb--Not 30 much a. Was
feared: the fact OF his being light
headed seemed to ease his fall.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Lacking Proof.

There Is one curious thing I have
often noticed about public men,"
what Ia that?" -.
when q man Is accused of wear
ing somebody's collar and declares
he IL his own master he seldom ap.
pears to be self-possessed."
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Tho Permanent EruIt.

THE fruit crop has failed!" ex.
claimed the apprehensive person.
YES" replied the gloomy boarder;
sbut what's the use OF trying to be
hopeful? That never applies to
prunes."
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Many man fails to make good be.
cause he spends most of his time try
ing to prove that luck is against him.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

MOST important letter has
been drawn up and published
by the Princess Christian
and three of her colleagues.
She herself is president of
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Those who are untrue to themselves
are false to others.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
Something Different,

I'm at loss for a thriller" com.
planned the playwright "Shipwreck 10
stale. and I've tried every form Of
burning building"
well. white paper Is pretty high
Still. l offer the suggestion"
"What Is lit"
"Snowstorm on fire."
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
An optimlst.

Tho smile he wore It rarely lied.
Excepting when
A lecture from his wife was schod-
Uled to begin
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

SUCCESS FOR SEVENTY YEARS
This The record of Pdia killer P,ryr ilIrts1 n
liable remedy for darrhea dy sen,ery and ali bowel
complaints Get the genuine. .5c Sc and SOC
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

The success OF a scheme depends
largely upon the man behind II.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Constipation causes and aggrasates many serlous
diseases II is thoroughly cured by Dr Pierce .
Pleasant Pellets. The favGrita family lsxa;iye
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Or. J. H. RlNDlAUB (specialist)
Eye, Ear, Nose and Throat
Fargo, N. q.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
The Limit.

rs that q dry town.?
Il should say 80! II IL that dry
that when they have opera they wont
stand for . singer with liquid notes.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

The man who bets on the wrong
horse Ii apt to have a race prejudice.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03
500 Reward, 500.

The readers OF this paper viii be pleased to learn
that there At least dreaded disease that
has been abie to In nil Its stages and That y
Gatarrh. Halls catarrh ture Is the only positive
cure now known To the medical fraternity. Gatsrrh
being constitutional dlsesse, requires q consttu-
iioaai treatment Halls Gatarrh Cure b taken In
fernaliy acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces OF the system. thereby destroying the
foundation OF the disease and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution and assist
my nature IN doing Its work. The propretors have
% much faith in It's curative powers that they offer
Dne Hundred Dollars for any that II falls TO
eare. Send for list Of testimonials
Address r. ]. CHENEY 4 CO., Toledo. O.
Sold by all Druggists T5e
Take Halls Family Pulls for constipation.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

!. Where woman can get fooled on n
nan is thinking that because she can
make his brains work wrong she can
also make them work right.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Tom-At the .'oid maids party" they
gave every single man little dat
iron.
Tess-They did that SO you'd press
your suit
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-06-03

Mistress-Did you put an egg In The
coffee, Della?
Delia-Yis, ma'am; OF alers biles
the eggs In the carfee-ixcipt whin o.
fry thin.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
REV. HUGH BlRkHEAD
breaches ON WEALTH

New York, Jan. 17.-''There should
be no poor. My friends. when the
eye of God is upon you. you will be
glad to throw your money away"
This was the beginning OF SER
mon on Wealth" which the Rev
Hugh Birkhead, rector Of st. Georges
Episcopal church in Stuyvesant
square. yesterday addressed TO his
congregation. which includes in It's
membership ], Pierpont Morgan and
more than sixty other men whose
wealth is rated above the million
mark.
II have been examining figures
containing the payrolls of two million
employees In the great mills" contln-
ued Dr. Birkhead. "and have found
that their wages run from $3.50 to
s1O46 a week Why Is this SOP There
is enough In this world for every one,
and It Is not right that some should
have more than they want. while
others suffer. II may result harmfully
In some way to those who possess
wealth"
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
SUGAR MEN
NERVOUS
Wondering if There Is to
Be a Further Hunt for
"Higher-Ups"

New York. Jan. 1I.-Arraignment OF
indicted sugar men today was awaited
with interest and with trepedatlon In
somo quarters where there was press
ing anxiety to learn whether the gov
ernment was going TO proceed further
in sugar underweighing frauds prose
cutions.
There has been somewhat OF con
fiict OF statements as to whether. now
that Charles Il. Heike, secretary of
the American Sugar Refining com
pany, has been hailed Into court for
alleged conspiracy. the government
would go ahead with Its search fol
mon higher up
"Helke Is the man we were after.
has beon stated in prominent circles,
but the prosecuting officials thcm-
selves have. UP to today, declined 10
say whether or not there would be
further digging Into the mystery AS
TO who gave the orders for sugar
employees to work cheating scales on
the williamsburg sugar docks.
Pleas OF not guilty were expected
from Heike and other men named in
the sugar frauds in the blenqet indict-
ment with the possible alternative
that demurrers wonld be interposed
for some or all of them
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
LIST OF RACING DATES
FOR APPROACHING SEASON

New York, Jan ia tentative
LIST OF racing dates for the approach
ing sceason has been drawn up for
the schedule committee OF the Joe
key club. In an effort to give each
track a chonce ar the spring game.
the committee has been forced to re-
duce the allotment that some OF tho
courses have had in previous years.
The tentative schedule is as fol-
lows:
Aqueduct. May IL TO 1s. seven
days.
Jamaica. May. 20 to 2S. seven
days.
Belmont, May 2s to juno 10
twelve days.
Gravesend. June IL to "a. twelve
days
sheepshead Bay. June 90 to July S
twelve days.
Brighton. July to %, thirteen
days.
Empire City. July % to August 6.
thirteen days.
Saratoga, August S to 27. eighteen
days
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
ARREST IN swoPE CASE.

Kansas City. Jan. 17,-An arrest in
the Swope case, involving the death
of Colonel Thomas H. Swope. his
nephew. Chrisman Swope. and the al
legged poisoning of seven heirs OF the
dead philanthropist, may he expected
within forty-elght hours, irrespective
OF the finding of the scientists now
examing the stomachs of the Swopes
at Chicago.
This statement was made today hy
a man connected with the Gaze. who
went on to declare that the chain Of
evidence wrought against the alleged
plotter or plotters had now been
made almost complete.
In the meantime the greatest in
terest attaches TO the departure for
Chicago last night Of John H At
wood. leading attorney for ths
Swopes. and James G. Paxton. execu-
tor OF the estate. the two men who
have been most active In pushing the
investigation into the sudden deaths
Of the Swopes. Authorization to
cause an arrest here hay also he ex-
pected from Chicago as a result OF
the conference set for that city today
between the lawyers and physicians
working on the case. IT was stated.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
FEDERAT I ION
IN SESSION
President Taft Makes a
Speech in Wash
ington

Washington. Jan. 17-With the
opening address by President TAFT.
complimenting the organization on the
work II had done and referring to
come of the important questions OF ma
tional moment to which 1t could yet
tender It's aid. the National Civic Fed
Grafton began three-day conference
here
At the opening session this morn
Ing. which was presided over by Seth
Low. president OF the body, num-
Der Of state governors were present
who are here TO attend a conference
u their own which will begin tomor.
fow and delegates from all parts of
The United States representing the
American Federation of Labor and the
National Grange. the Farmers Nation.
al congress, the National Association
OF Life Shippers. the Stnto Board OF
Arbitration and other bodies.
Speakers at the pending session in
cluded Judge Alton B. Parker, former
president OF the American Car asso-
citation and Governor Wilson of Ken
lucky.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
CUR 7 |SS IN
A f FL|G|I I
Made 60 Miles an Hour
in Going With the
Wind

Los Angeles, jan. 17.-Because Paul,
han. Curtiss and Hamilton, cut some
wonderful capers in the air yesterday
when the wind was high, the crowds
came out to Aviation Field todny In q
highly expectant mood.
The sky was oloudless. the dir clear
and mild and the morning breeze from
the northeast scarcely percepdble-
The rectangular course. 1t develop
ed. had not been surveyed to the sat
isfaction of the meet.
Paulhsn has announced that he will
surely go 200 miles when he gets
started
Curtiss declared that he reached q
speed of go miles an hour in one OF
his trial flights yesterday. This wes
made in coming with the wind along
the homestretch In front OF the,grand-
stand
IT consider this velocity dangerous
on track as small as Domnguez.'
said the aviator.
Tho danger is not alone to the av-
iator He might be able TO descend
so II would not be swept out over
the crowd
The wind at times, am convinced,
was blowing over 20 miles an hour.
My engine was producing speed OF
forty. il was like taking n canoe out
in a rough sea-
Charles X Hamilton will start at IL
O'clock in an endurance flight for the
purse of $4,000 over the regular
course.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
RlOTlNG IN NAPLES is
CAUSED BY HIGHER RENTS

Naples. Jan. 17-Twenty persons
took part In riotIng here yesterday
arising from the discomfort due to
increase in rents OF workmen's
bouses.
A huge procession paraded in the
forenoon and halted at the town hall.
where deputation -conferred with
the mayor. who promised that the
municipality would contribute 81 ,5o0,'
400 toward building workmen's dwell
lings.
Meanwhile. the crowd outside. dis
playing the black flag. became impat-
lent and without waiting for the re-
turn OF the deputation threatened to
rush the town hall,
The police charged, but could not
disperse the people. Fighting ensued
In which a police captains head was
broken and several policemen and
many rioters were injured The ar
rival OF troops prevented the mob
from trlumphing
The mayors proposal to build
houses does not meet the demands OF
the mob and tho agitation continues.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
AR MENIAN GENERAL
BURIED IN AMERICA

Madison. Ill. Jan. ia man sup
posed to have been Prince Pagasdar
Mongosoryia. 80 years old. former
general in the Armenian army and
later an exile and director in a
Macedonian Bulgarian bank In New
York that fniled for 100000 year
ago, was buried here yesterday with
all the pomp due the obseQules of a
prince of the blood. He was accident
ally killed last Monday while work
ing as laborer In q foundry here
The supposed prince hid his rank
under the name of John Boglemeyer.
and 1t was only after his death that
his identity WIS established.
A merchant who had taken an in
terest In him because OF his apparent
education. established his identity by
going to New York and funds were
forthcoming for a gorgeous funeral
Although said to be national hero
In Armenia, the prince was compelled
TO flee his country with a price on
his head by the Turks. After the
bank fasco in New York. he came
to Madison and hid himself.
The body Will be taken back to Ar
mcnia later.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
FOUR Big DELEGATIONS
OUT FOR SUNDAY BASEBALL

Cincinnati, Jan 17.-Four big dele.
cations to tho Ohio general assembly
have como out openly for Sunday base
ball IN this city and state and 1t will
support the bill to be introduced this
week By Representative Gflugan of
Cincinnati to make baseball a legal
Sunday amusement
Tho delegations which will support
the measure are those from Gncin-
natl, Cleveland. Columbus and Tole-
do. All the mombers way 1t ia wrong
TO have tho matter left to the mayor
OF city. and that the bost thing to do
IS 10 change the civic code putting II
under the Jurisdiction OF the general
assembly.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
Supreme Court Of the United States Refuses
to Grant a Writ of CertiOrari-==The
Bank Wrecker is Y Years Old

Washington. Jan. 1.-THE petition
FOR n writ of certlorari in the case oil
John X Walsh. former president OF
the Chicago National Bank of Chicago
under sentence to five years impris'
onmcnt in the federal prison at Leav,
enworth, Kas., on the charge OF mis-
applying the funds OF the bank, was
denied today by the supreme court OF
the United States. This means that
Walsh must serve his sentence.
Chicago. Jan. 1.-THE denial OF
John r. Walsh's petition for a writ
of ceruorari by the supreme court OF
the United States closes the last chap
ter In the history of his long fight for
freedom. The convicted banker now
q powerlesB to proceed further In
his efforts 10 escape the prison bars.
which have loomed before him ever
since mis- indictment three years ago.
and which he had also successfully
eyaded through the different channels
Of legal procedure,
The onc-time bank president and
railroad 6nancier. who is now u
years old, will. in q few days, be a
convict III luo leutl al pllooh dS i<-h'-
enworth, Kansas. where he will begin
the sentence OF FIVE years imprison-
ment imposed upon him by United
States District Judge Anderson in
March. 1908
After the United States circuit court
of appeals had refused a re-hearlng
and denied his petition for stay of
judgment. bail with withdrawn. and
at the request of his counsel the court
placed him In the special custody"
OF a United States marshal where he
remained pending the outcome of his
petition TO the supreme court OF the
United States.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1910-01-17
Metal Market.
SEATTLE CREWS TO COMPETE
IN TERCOLlEGIATE REGATTA

1thica. N. Y. Jan. 1.-THE an"
nouncement is made here that the
University OF Washington will prob
ably send crew from Seattle to com
pete In the intercollegiate regatta at
Poughkeepsie next Juno. The far
western institution cent challenge
two years ago. but 1t was refused by
the stewards Of tho intercollegiate
rowing association on technical
grounds.
This year. suggestions of similar
challenge have boon received from
the Pacific Coast college and II was
authoritntlvely announced today that
the rowing stewards will be glad to
welcome the men from the coast II
they decide to regatta.
Washington's supremacy In rowing
on the coast IS pretty settled. accord
Ing to the eastern stewards and as
n sectional representative the Seattle
institution should prove a valuable ad-
Gition to the Poughbeepsie event.