davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
MAN HAS NO RIGHT TO sC0FF
Not SO Many Years Ago He was
Crazy Over Dress
Himself.

No, brother, men have not always
been SO Indifferent to dress as they
are today. Their raiment, as COM
pared with the darnfoolishness of
woman, hasn't always been above re-
prOach.
Consider, if you will, the days when
our respected forefathers would draw
on their lavender-colored pants with
a shoe horn, using little slippery
powder, maybe, to help things along,
until people looked at their feet and
wondered if the pants hadn't been
sewed up after the feet got through.
Consider their tight boots-made SO
tight that they caused the most ex-
cruciating agony. And remember that
the dandies of that day would care
fully polish these burning, blazing,
pinching, agoniZing boots and then
step carefully with the toes in a mud
puddle so that the mud drying on the
lower part would make the feet seem
small. O, yes, they did it. And of
course you know that boOtjack
wasn't used merely because the boots
might soil the hands, but because no.
body had invented stump-puller in
those days and applied it to the re-
moval of tight boots
And remember the bell-crowned
hats, and the dingbats and jimcracks
they hung On their watch fobs. And
the fancy waistcoats and the frilled
shirts.
And going even further back, con-
slider what historical drawings give us
OF information as to ancient dress
the knee breaches with gorgeous
rosettes-the brilliant buckles on the
shoes-the cream-colored cloaks with
mauve satin Innings And the white
silk stockings that the excelsior
would show through. Think of the
bepOwdered and becurled wigs when
you rave at rats on women's heads
and repent of your scoffing words.
Face powder? Perfumes and scents
Sure they had 'em. Patches on their
compleXion-yes, and rouge They
sure were pretty men those days.
+ And going back to the Indian
think of his war paint, of his gaudy
blanket, his stained arrows, his paint
ed pony, his bear-oiled hair and his
colored feathers.
But what's the use? He's not SO
pretty now. Only he really hadn t
oughter scott so much at hobble skirts
and peach-basket hats and Chinese
hair switches and things. He really
hadn't oughter.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
How We All Take 1t.

Miss Elizabeth Marbury, the we'll
known dramatic agent of New York.
told, at tea at the Colony club, a
story both amusing ard true.
ITO grow old properly she said,
is to grow old keeping the mind and
the heart young. Few accomplish this
feat, but all think they do so. This
misconception prevents old age from
being tragic.
you all know Helen Dash. She is
a great-grandmother now, but she was
once famous actress. She chung to
the stage to the very last; she saw.
year by year, her applause lessen, her
salary decrease, and her press notices
shorten. Yet, do you think that Helen
Dash was unhappy? Not at all!
Not at all. When, one night in
her sixty eighth year, Helen, in a new
role, got instead of tumultuous ap-
plause, cold silence and even a few
venomous Kisses, she took the contre-
temps calmly, and on the way home
she said to her maid, a worn old WON
an like herself:
" i think I'll retire. Acting is thank
less work nowadays. The public has
aged So"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Women as Anglers.

Patience and endurance, the two
most wonderful characteristics of
woman, are better developed in the
year 1910 by practice in the art of fly
fishing than by all the creations of
table centers and embroideries in
dulged in by the grandmothers of the
girls of today" Such was the declara-
ton made by G. H. Cook, vice-presi-
dent of the City of London Piscatorial
society.
According to Mr.. Cook, who is CON
sidered to be one of the most expert
fishermen of England, woman's great
quality in fishing is her determination.
IF a woman wants to catch a fish"
he said, "she catches her fish. She
goes on trying much longer than any
man does-possibly because she has
no pipe to light. Furthermore, she
has the power to suffer in silence.
The man grumbles and grunts, and
when the boat is very uncomfortable
he frequently remarks oh, let's get
home!' The woman is different. I'd
sooner jump into the lake than go
home!' she says"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Qualification for Office.

The little trial l have had of public
employment has been so much disgust
to me; | feel at times temptations to-
ward ambition rising in my soul; but
| obstinately oppose them.
but thou, Catullus, be thou firm to
the last"
| am seldom called to it, and as sell
dom offer myself uncalled: liberty and
.laziness, the qualities most predomi-
nant in me, are qualities Numerically
contrary to that trade We cannot
well distinguish the faculties of men;
to conclude from the discreet conduct
of private life, a capacity for the
management of public affairs. is TO
conclude i'll; man may govern him
self well, who cannot govern others
so; and compose essays, who could
not work effects; men there may be
who can order a siege we'll, or would
Ill marshal battle; who can speak
we'll in private, who would ill ha-
rangue a people or a prince: nav. it's
peradventure rather a testimony in
him, who can do the one, that he can
not do the other, than otherwise
From Montague.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
AS a Runcher.

We is one of the most bothersome
words in the language. 1t is RESPONSE
BILE for more misunderstanding than
any other ten words put together.
An editor will start out conscienti-
ously to give his opinions. He will
begin by saying 1--WE think" meaning
himself. A latter later he will say
I'VE" meaning his advertisers. A few
lines farther down he will use the
word again, meaning the class of peo-
pie who read his paper.
Then his heart will soften and ex-
pand He will become eloquent with
the use of ''we," meaning the whole
community or the entire human race.
Then suddenly he will bethink himself
and reflect that his is a party organ
and "We," the party, is paramount
after all. Whereupon he will divest
himself of opinions in which the peo-
pie at large have no interest, or at
least no profit.
All this is very confusing The I'M
suspecting reader struggles along try
ing in vain to separate the we-goats
from the we-sheep. Sometimes that's
exactly what the editor is striving for,
and sometimes he is the most con-
fused of all.
We was invented to conceal thought.
Life.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
HOW TO MEET A LION
BRITISH SURGEON EXPLAINS Ell.
oUETTE FOR OCCASION.
If King of Beasts Fails TO Realize He
Is de Trcp Tourist Should Walk
Away With Becoming
Dignity.

The etiquette to be observed when
a peacefully inclined tourist or ex-
plorer meets a lion in the Jungle is
described by Sir Frederick Treves, the
distinguished British surgeon, in his
book, Uganda for a Holiday just
published in England
"The tourist coming to British East
Africa" he says, sis sure to inquire
as to the line of conduct that should
be observed when lion is encoun-
tered by the way. In answer to such
inquiry I was told that the etiquette
suitable for the occasion was the fol-
lowing: If the lion when met with is
walking in the opposite direction to
the tourist the animal should be al
lowed to continue his walk without
comment. If, however, the lion stops
and stares at the tourist it is proper
that the tourist should 'Shish' the an
imal away, as he would an obtrusive
goose on a village green. Should the
lion be unmoved by this expression
of annoyance the tourist is advised
to throw Jumps of earth at the obtuse
creature. If, after this, the lion still
fails to realize that he is de trop, the
tourist is recommended to walk away
from the spot with such dignity as the
strained position demands
Sir Frederick Treves has several
other things to say about the animals
of the wild. "The rhinoceros is the
embodiment of blind conservatism, -
he writes. ''Its hide is impenetrable,
it's vision is weak, while it's intellect
is weaker. 1t has, however, two
marked qualities -combativeness and
sense of smell 1t is aroused to it's
maximum energy by the presence of
anything that is new. This object
need not be thing that is aggressive
or inconvenient. It's offensiveness de-
ponds upon the fact that it is unfa-
object is the worse the rhinoceros
acts.
when a rhinoceros smells a man
he will charge him. with maniacal vio-
lence, although the man may be mere
ly sitting on a stool reading Milton.
The massive beast will dash at him
like torpedo or runaway locomo-
tive simply because the smell of him
is novel. Actuated by this insane
hate of whatever savors of an innova-
ton, the rhinoceros has charged an
iron water tank on the outskirts of a
camp and has crumpled it up as a
blacksmith would an empty meat tin.
"A conservative rhinoceros with a
senile dislike of anything new once
charged train on the Uganda rail-
way, but with no more serious results
than the tearing away of the footboard
of carriage. AS regards the rhinoc-
eros in this case, it appeared sur
prised that thing composed, as it
had imagined, Of flesh and blood could
be SO hard. 1t went off with an addi-
tional grievance and an increased
swelling of the head
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
The Oldest Oak in Enuland.

A correspondent having written to
Mr.. Lewis Harcourt first commission
er of his majesty's office of works, sug-
costing that for it's proper protection
suitable fence should be placed
around the famous old oak tree in
Hampton Court park, has received a
reply in which the right honorable
gentleman states: This fine old oak
tree in which you are so good as to
take an interest is especially under
the care of the keepers and the staff
OF the park, who have strict instruc-
tons from Mr.. Harcourt as to it's
preservation and protection
The tree, which is situated close to
the south side of the Long Water. is
reputed to be about a thousand years
OF age, and it is probably the oldest
oak in England. It's gigantic trunk
two feet from the ground measures
about IS feet around, and being quite
hollow, offers standing room for about
dozen persons. The sides, however,
are so sturdy as to give support to a
number of branches, some of them
dead wood, but the greater number
are still alive and come into bud every
year Some time ago a quantity of
dred grass and paper was placed in
the trunk by, it is supposed, mischiev,
Gus boys, and set alight, with the re-
suit that the old oak was nearly de.
stroyed-London Telegraph.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
WAS NOT NECESSARY TO ASK
Man Wins Bet as to Sex of Lusty.
Lunged Youngster on
Steamer.

The boat had gotten we'll under
way, and the sxcursionists, having
made themselves comfortable in their
various hooks, were beginning to
think that, after all, this world may
have its good points, when they were
suddenly brought to- with a jerk.
The disturbance that made them sit
up straight in their chairs and threat
ened to disseminate even the humid
ity was a specimen of the volley of
sound that can issue only from the
lungs of an infant that is very angry
as we'll as very healthy.
Some one brighter than the others
suggested that it be taken below to
see the ''horsie.'
"That won't do any good" said the
female constituent OF a couple sit
ting by the rail; 'the only way to
silence that baby would be to drop
him overheard"
Him. repeated her companion in
dignantly; that's a girl. No male on
earth would have the nerve to keep
up howl like that in a place like
EhA0'e e1uu IL CAO 1etSO VI ~ I1uCA 1t
sentiment. It's a coming suffragist,
that's what it is!'
The woman looked at him plying
ly.
mo little girl baby would have the
strength for that noise" she said
It'll bet you anything you say
against two pounds Of your fudge
that it's girl" said the man; and
Taken; we'll ask it's MOTHER replied
the woman hastily, as the familiar
noise indicated the return of the I'm.
appeased infant.
But the next instant and the next
one and the one after that brought no
walls. And then there was a rush OF
wild-eyed excursionists to the scene
of death or distraction, they knew not
which And then the women looked
at each other self-consciously, and the
men looked at each other wisely.
For the mother, with no other idea
than that of patting her hair into
place, had stopped before a mirror.
And the erstwhile demon of noise,
with it's head coyly on one side, was
smiling and cooling and gurgling at it's
own reflection.
The man who had made the bet
slapped himself on the knee.
II win," he said, and laughed
And the woman nodded in affirma-
ton and sighed.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Happy Future in Store for Him.

Here is a sensible mans views of
the sort of woman he would like to
marry: I'm afraid I don't care for
the one-sided woman. My wife is GER
tainly not going to be too strong
minded, and you can bet large sum
she is not going to be a bit masculine,
but she's going to have plenty Of in
terests and avoid 'rut as she would
the smallpox. The little woman
whose only thought is husband and
babies and how the dinner turns out
may be all very nice in short story,
but I'd rather come home to find out
that my wife had been to a club or
to a suffrage meeting or an aeronaut
meet than to discover after 20 years
of marriage that she had fallen 100
miles behind my mental and spiritual
development When | marry it shall
be for a companion, not for a house
hold ornament or a family drudge
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
A Perennial Peril.

The crinoline of the fifties is be-
lieved to have been invented by one
Of three Frenchmen-a certain Joseph
Thomas, who died a short time ago in
the United States; diapers assist
ant, who is nameless, or one Heinden-
rech, an executioner, who "fourished''
during the second empire. On what
one might very well call circumstan-
tial evidence, I rather favor the exc
cutioner.
It is pointed out that the soft hoop
which now encircles so many smart
skirts might easily develop into some
thing much more substantial and that
from wearing beehive bonnets Dame
Fashion might easily turn for variety
to beehive petticoats. But / hope the
No Crinoline league of 1893, If it is
still in existence, has It's corporate or
secretarial eye on that hoop-Lady's
Pictorial
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Small Wonder.

We quote the following extract from
a review Of a farce recently produced
in New York:
There is a mythical sea captain
whom Mr.. Son-in-Law invented to ex-
plain his visits to Baltimore to pacify
his first fiancee.
There is a real sea captain who
turns up in New York to confound
Mr. Son-in-Law
There is a bogus sea captain, i'm
personated by a friend of Mr. Son-in-
Law when the demand for the appear
ance of the mythical sea captain on
the part of the family becomes too in
sistent.
Business of all the sea captains
appearing on the scene at the same
time"
And yet people wonder why New
Workers look old at 80.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Kaiser's Insult to Courtier.

An incident very reminiscent of
such pettiness was told to Tip the
other day by an American just re-
turned from Berlin. 1t seems one of
the Kaiser's suite a noble of high
rank, had incurred the imperial dis,
pleasure. The Kaiser did not wish
to lose this gentlemans services, but
apparently desired to humiliate him
for the real or fancied offense. At
one OF the state dinners shortly after
ward, the noble was seated half a
dozen places from his ruler. Beside
him sat woman Of title, whom he
had known from the time both could
walk. The two conversed animatedly
Suddenly his imperial majesty leaned
forward and exclaimed in a harsh
voice: Prince, it is not etiquette to
t11rt at my table" The man thus
addressed rose to his feet and bowed
low. The next day he resigned and
retired to his country estate, although
it is we'll known he received a per.
sonal letter of apology from Will
helm H.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Tournament on Sea Horses.

Rumor has often told US of sea
horses, but with amused incredulity
we have always waved the tales aside.
Faith is, however, no longer called
upon, for in the water of Huntington
bay, on the north shore of Long is
land, actual sea horses are daily ca
pering in highly spectacular water
sports, even in a quaint revival of the
ancient tournament The strange
beasts have been brought to us from
France and are ingeniously composed
of barrel, weighted on one side
which is under water, and decorated
with an expressive head and an ag-
gressive tail AS soon as one mounts
upon the rotund back of one of these
beasts it shows it's temper, for, al
though tame and mild enough when
grazing among the waves by them
selves, they are f1ends incarnate as
soon as one attempts to throw leg
over them. They kick and buck in a
manner which would appall Buffalo
Bill himself
One of the daily features of the
beach at Huntington is tournament
in which armed knights, each astride
of a prancing sea horse, face each
other for battle royal The riders are
equipped. with long lances, we'll wadded
at the end with "stuff1ng" With there
the knights paddle their course to
each other, and then with lances
poised the battle begins.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
STOPPING UP THE LEAK
MAN TRIES PLUMBERS TRICK
AND COMES TO GRIEF.
Painful Experience Results From
Mans Desire to "Putter" Around
the House During His Wfe's
Temporary Absence.

Election day brought to prominent
Brooklynite the remembrance of the
way he spent that day year ago. He
had noticed slight discoloration on
the ceiling of his library, which was
directly under his bedroom. With q
mans desire to ''putter" around the
house, he decided to use the holiday
to investigate and see if there was not
leak in the water pipes on the floor
above, one reason for this determine
ton being that his wife was away and
would not return home until after
luncheon.
When he had finished his morning
paper and cigar, he took up a corner
OF his bedroom carpet, and turning it
back, removed couple of the floor
boards and, sure enough, found an in
significant leak in water pipe that
ran between floors. He had seen
plumbers stop little leaks of that sort
by hammering down the pipe where
the water seeped through, and decid-
ed to try the same trick himself. He
took the heaviest hammer he had in
the house and struck the pipe several
brave, resounding blows.
The result was startling. Instead
OF one trifiing leak he had enlarged
that to stable dimensions, and the
rotten pipe giving way had also start
ed another leak, from which a vigor-
Gus stream of water spurted into his
face, knocking off his eyeglasses and
trlckl1ng merrily over his shirt front.
The principles of first aid to the in
Jured flashed into his mind and, lying
fiat on the floor, he put a thumb of
each hand over each leak and called
Justify for help. He was finally heard
IN the regions below, and when the
servant girl appeared he besought her
to put on her hat and run for a
plumber.
1t took Bridget some time to realize
That her master had not gone entirely
DAFT, still more time to array herself
III her outer garments, and anyone
who has tried to find a plumber on a
holiday may imagine how long it was
before she corraled one and brought
him home with her.
At any rate, when the Brooklyn
mans wife returned repeated ringings
at the doorbell only resulted in her
hearing confused and indistinct bel
lowings from within which she could
not understand. With the aid of an
obliging butcher boy she finally
sprung the catch on a basement win
dow On ascending to the upper
story she found her spouse flat on his
face, hanging on to that water pipe
with both hands and using language
more picturesque than she had ever
heard him employ before BY the time
she had decided she had not broken
into an insane asylum by mistake,
Bridget arrived with reluctant and
diffdent plumber, and the Brooklynite
was released from his predicament.
He goes out of town on holidays now,
and he still chances at innocent ap-
pearing pipes with shudders of appre-
tension.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21
Amono Hiuhwaymes1.

What did that shady financier do
when you stopped him and said, Your
money or your life?
He told me that if | didn't give him
a half interest in my little enterprise
he'd organize a competing enterprise
and drive me- out of business"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21

When Professor Cities, the new
teacher Of English in the high school.
reached town and it was seen that he
was barely thirty and handsome in an
austere way, the feminine population
became deeply interested He was in
vited everywhere and pig and ghost
books were thrown at him by girls
of every sort. 1t seemed very daring
to ask professor to draw a pig with
his eyes shut, so it became a popular
game.
While he was filling pages in seven
assorted books which had been thrust
at him, Clarice Emerson drifted
through the crowd one night. She
smiled at him with a beautiful min
Cling Of respectful fear and modest
hope and said, sweetly: Dear Pro
fessor Cities, may l ask you to in
scribe a sentiment in my little book d?
Some great thought of some famous
writer or of your own. OF course. I
should be especially pleased with one
of your own"
Her glance at the frivolous pig and
ghost books before him was delicately
contemptuous and the professor was
instantly furious at their owners for
having put him in this humiliating DO
sition before so cultured young per,
son. He arose with alacrity
Certainly, Miss Emerson, he said.
Come, let us sit over in this quiet
corner by the lamp and | will look at
your wonderful book and compose my
thoughts. 1t is such a treat to find
one so young and charming with such
high ideals And did you do the COW
er, too?"
OF course, after that it was all over
except the rice and old shoes The
other girls when they got over their
rage, said that both Clarice and Prof
Cities were stupid, affected bores,
and who cared, anyhow? Then they
ostentatiously went and bought more
pig books.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1910-12-21

Something to Be Proud Of
What is Maud so stuck up about?o
Don't you know: She's friend OF
q friend of the first cousin of Aviator
Hoxsey"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-14
AERO MEET PLANS
Four Propositions Submitted to
Chamber of Commerce.
REFERRED TO COMMITTEE
Two Local Men Offer Suggestions
on the Subject.
HORSE SHOW OCTOBER 1926
Board Asked by Fairgrounds Asso-
citation to Indorse Equine Event
to Be Held Next Month.

Washington will, in all probability, have
a big aviation meet early in November.
No less than four propositions for hold
ing a meet here, or at some place be-
tween Washington and Baltimore, are
now before the Washington Chamber of
Commerce for it's Endorsement.
The board. of directors at its meeting
yesterday, which was given over almost
entirely to the discussion of the pro-
posed aviation meet, decided to refer
the various plans to committee con-
sisting of the executive committee of
the chamber and the committee on avia-
ton. This committee will have the power
to decide which project the chamber will
indorse.
Two of the propositions submitted yes
terday were from local men. One for a
professional meet was offered by j. Lynn
Yeagie. secretary OF the Washington
Aviation Company. Washington organ
izaton. The other was for meet OF
amateur aviators and was presented by
f.. n. Young of the Washington Aero
Scientific Club. 1t appears likely that
these two plans will be consolidated, if
the local promoters obtain the meet.
j. S. Berger Of New York. promoter
of aviation meets submitted a PROPOSE
ton to hold a meet here at Benning race
track for ten days in the early part of
November. He wishes $1,000 from the