davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

AsciSiSHCe Is naO mere TO the Things the
theater orchestra thumps and squeaks out
between the acts.
The between-the-acts pieces played by
the theater orchestra are. not to put too
fine a point upon 1t, Illusion. Destroyers,
Mood Dissipators. Atmosphere Chasers,
Dream Dspe'lers.
Which Is kind Of woozeful way Of
saying that they don't IT. that they don't
belong.
They don't dovetaiI with the continuity
OF the moteef Of the show. as itswair.
That is to say. they are drearily lacking
in expository motivation.
The curtain comes down upon the sad,
sa-ad scene Gladys, the young. the
beautiful. sitting alongside you, is almost
blinded with her lachrymosity You YOUR
self have sort Of gourdlike protuber-
aIce In the. vicinage Of the bone collar
mosphere of the scene. The stage stuff
has pereolated through your mental mid
rim. You are deliciously miserable You
like 1t. You want to be miserable and to
stay miserable right through until the
last act, when everythings fixed up and
they're married-whcn it's their turn to
be miserable.
Very we'll There you are-you and
G'adys. the young, etc.-both delightful
Iy wretched.
Uh-huh. Well. what happens then?
=
Why, the leader Of the orchestra, who
has been leaning back in his chair in a
horribly bored kind OF a way, thinking
about the pinochle game in progress that
he won't be able to sit into until after the
show-the orchestra leader sits forward
in his chair. grabs his violin, hits his
electric light shade a wallop with his
bow, looks around to see II the bunch
Wheeeshy-wheeshy, zingsy-zfngsy, u1np-
ta-ra-ra, boom-boom-boorni
Or stuff to that trivial and utterly de-
moralizing effect.
Ricketty-jigetty stuff that doesn't match
with the game. that is offsideish and in
trusive and buttinski like.
For example, this way:
The mean. stingy old earl is treating
his beaucheeous young wife something
scandalous. She is very agreeable and
give him the slightest cause for COM
plant y'know All she asks is the priv
1lege of having a couple of idolatrous
young beaux on her staff (Which she nift-
lily calls tame robins''D, and the privilege
of running UP millinery bills amounting
to $1,000 pund. and the privilege gener-
ally OF doing just precisely what she durn
pleases. which is little enough to ask of
q belted or even a betting earl, when YOU
come to think OF it.
Very well. That's the way the thing
stands. The belted-belting old earl hawis
tells him his name and number.
He goes right through with his line of
stun, and then beats 1t In one of those
things called towering rage.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

the actual actualness OF what is happen
ing on the stage.
Wherefore, the orchestra proceeds to ex-
plot you.
1t exploits you thuslyJ
The orchestra leader, who has furtiveiy
fastened the mute on the bridge OF his
violin, picks 1t up and begins to dish out
Ito help you understand. y'see) the first
nine or ten bars OF THE Flower Song"
It's hardly ever anything else except
1.-THE Flower Song
1t is just as If the orchestra leader had
you nailed up against a stanchion and
wagged a finger in front of your eyes and
said to you:
You're thickheaded sort of a lumber
Jack, you know. my friend. and I've Just
got to do this Flower Song stuff SOS
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

you'll understand what you're loking at:
just gotta. I've got to heave in the wooze
number, with the mute on, sos to hurl
little bit Of understanding of the inef-
fable sadness Of this glug scene into your
benighted top-piece. You couldn't posi-
bly, hep up to the thing If l didn't do
but you couldn't. There is nothing what
ever to 1t, as long as you're there with
nothing but a chimpanzee conk on you.
I've got to give you shove, by means OF
ward at least an elemental form OF appre-
citation. Dye make me-"
And agayne. Why the drum in the
ater orchestra?
why the pounding. humping. rub-a-
dub-dub, rat-a-tat. comp-ah. comp-ah IN
strument in any orchestra, anywhere!
The drummer in the average theater or
chestra they call him traps" and 1t ffs,
balls and triangle and his shuttle thing for
sand dancing, etc. always Is buster on his
lob than the birdiest bird dog that ever
pointed a paw.
He never heard of the word pianissimo.
+
He's there to waIlop his layout. and
WALTON he does, until nervous folk in the
audience begin to think of poems they
know about the stinglessness of death.
Not so very long ago the present writer
heard a drummer in theater orchestra
(ye-eh, regular big theater. too) rattle
away on his drum like somebody getting
sl4 a minute when the orchestra was
playing-what?
Why, Rubinstein's Melody in F."
And the orchestra leader didn't stop
him. Just let him go right ahead whack-
ing drum obligato to the Melody In
F''
The expressions of human rage in my
immediate vicinage on that occasion look
ed like those death mask faces portray
ed by Rodin the sculptor.
Mr.. d. Belasco has a theater in New
York in which there is no orchestra
whatever. CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19
Dear Money.

MRS. ANTHONY HOPE. the American
AVA wife OF tho well known English
novelist, is as celebrated as her husband
for bonmots.
At dinner in New York during her
American visit the young lady expressed
her disapproval Of mercenary marriages.
Never marry for money! she said.
you can borrow cheaper"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

His lovely young spouse has little So
LUIS line Of conversation with herself, very
sad stun. in which she informs herself
how hawbly she is abused. and then she
summons one Of the tame robins and
she tells him what a miserable old rum
my her hubby the earl is. and they begin
to converse about how glorious things
must look around the Riviera just about
now, the intimation being that, if things
don't improve pretty soon around that
moated grange, why. there'll be some
thing doing in the way OF a runaway af-
fair to the said Riviera country.
Fine! The curtain goes down, and your
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

tered and the bands were playing away
gayly, and the folks were passing into
the afternoon show, which was about to
begin. this immejit author presented him
self to the head elephant person, who
was chewing a straw and leaning against
d wagon, and he piped his little squeak
that. having delivered the wafer-carrying
goods, he was ready to be passed In to
see the show.
Whereupon, scarcely looking up from
his rumination, the head elephant man
reached out and staked the noW-Writing-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

and stab and wound you, a1ter you We got
your growth, as they did when you were
just little folks.
At one of those make-rings-on-the-tab
parties which the present writer fell In
with recently, each member Of the bunch
was invited to give a reminiscent sketch
of the meanest Teller he'd ever met. They
were all there with vivid characterize
tons of bipedal polecats. The writer
hereof. however, refrained from submit
ting specimens. The answer was that he
was rendered dumb by a sudden sweep
ing. almost choking recollection of two
of the orneriest apologies for human be-
tngs that ever fzgigged around on the
surface of this rocketing footstool.
Both Of them swung along. about six
months apart, when this present recol-
lectioner was about one decade OF age.
The first was an elephant man for a
circus.
The second was a booster for o mes
Inerst.
The elephant man for a circus hired
this here-and-now typist, when he was
about ten. to tote water for the elephants.
The arrangement. of course, was that,
I'm consideration of his water toting for
the pachyderms, the herewith author was
10 De SldktO 10 peth DIT the AFTERNOON
performance.
Twas one of the hottest August fore
Moons that ever came along in all the his
tory of the world. And it knows how
to be hot in Leavenworth, Kans., where
this thing happened.
The circus tents-Cole Brothers circus
member it?-were pitched about 1000
long. long feet. over sun-baked hard
ground from crick.
The author herein and hereof. burdened
weight on hat
at this hour to think of how the n-baked
earth blistered his bare feet (Which could
stand some heat, too, and how the ham
die of that pail bi stored his hands as he
toted and toted and toted water for those
elephants during that interminable fore
noon and during also part Of the after
noon.
Back and forth, back and forth, be-
tween the menagerie tent and the crick,
gasping and painting for breath in the hor-
rible Kansas heat. hands getting rawer
end rawer every minute-this chronicler
would desp!se to name. for fear OF not
being believed. Just how many buckets OF
water he did carry for those elephants
OH that day Of hideous memory.
X
Likewise. the chronicler, then the water
carrier, ducked his dinner at home, for
he feared to lose contact with the job. He
felt that he'd have to stick around on the
job, and be always and ever In the i'm
mediate eye of the boss elephant man
who had employed him, i'm order to make
perfectly sure OF his reward at the finish
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

In being permitted to get flash at tn
afternoon performance.
Now you have It and 1t is all set?
Very well.
Did the present writer. after that burn
ing, blazing period of water carrying
Tor the pachyderms, obtain his richly de-
served reward and get to see the after
noon performance of Cole Brothers cir
Gus:
No, children. he did not.
He got the boots.
When the elephants all had been wa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

There isn't anything else for man 10
wear except a derby hat, Is there: inas
is, unless he wants to wear one OF .nose
green or purple velvet keIieys or Soiio
fool thing like those.
"Rut what men wear hasn't anything
to do with what I'm taking ABOUT any
how I'm going to buy you one OF lnoss
dime books on logic one Of these days ana
insist upon your sitting down ana. reauiis
a page or SO of it every day. -,
Say, looka a-here, dye mean TO ten
me that that's all the hair of your own
that you possess? Ha, ha! Wen; elae
isn't joke of a browning glory pfopo
sition you can search mel
"Do YOU mean to say that you can
twist and distort that little wisp OF mar
Of your own around the ten or hfteen
hounds of rats and puffs and things that
Won wear on your head and make folks
think that the store stuff is all your own
hair?
.What YOU been doing to that feebie
little strand of hair of yours, anyhow
burning 1t off with curling irons or some
thing? Or are you just naturally get
ting baldo Or what Is 1t?
$50 that is the sure-enougn SIZE OF
yonr head, hey? Well. If 1t Is, you'd DC
able to wear about a three ana tnIee-
eighths size in a mans DERBY, Wouiun
you, since you're SO iono Va l"ihie "
derbieS?
..Seems queer that never before had
a neck at the actual size Of your head
Now that l see it, many things are eA-
plained that hitherto have seemed mex
nlicable to me. Many things are ex-
cused. now that I've seen just what the
size Of your head Is.
.sHonest, 1 oughtn't to expect tnat
You've got room there for many IDEAS 10
percolate around. It would be asking too
much.
hair, anyhow? Why don't you try some
of these hair dopes that We see adVer-
tised in the street cars? Try any old
thing for heavens sake! That's an aw-
fm Sight to see, that little wisp of hair
of your own that you've got now.
elbows that? l wouldn't have to see 1t
If I went into the sitting room and read
the papers or something till you finished
dressing? Oh, you don't have to take
INV STAYING here SO much to heart, you
know : Anyhow, this is the only comfort
able chair in the whole blooming fiat.
and of course. that being the case, you've
grabbed it out for your own room-and l
euess ri stick around till you finish pref
tying up; if you ever expect to nnish'
that Is.
thing done with or for that hair OF yours.
Hnw.s that? You are having it treated?
treated by whom? Oh. that Swede girl
that always comes remping In here just
at dinner time, and always on some days
when I'm almost starved. She gives you
scalp massage, en-!
..How longs she been scalp massaging
she's been able to grow on your head In
six months? And you toss her dollar
per rub for that?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

EFERRING, then.
to the music OF
the average thea
ter orchestra: Why
is 1t, broadly and
generally speaking,
SO umD-ta-ra-ish
and ziggetty-zig-
zig?
Why IS It nearly
always SO oncon-
gruously out of
alignment with the
theme Of the show?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

o you're going to
put those PAPER
mache slippers on,
hey? Huh! To-
morrow you'll be
mooching around
the place with one
Of those nerve
racking colds Of
yours. and wonder
ing how you got
It," said Mr.. Grump
when, with Mrs.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19
Special Correspondence of The Star.
NEW YORK, March IS. 1910

ESTERDAY, after
having viewed the
riot of green gleam-
ing In the st. Pat
rick's day parade,
/ prowled through
the park. in more
or less vain search
for green of an
other sort: the tim
i'd green Of spring.
Mainly my park
prowl was q diS0p-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19
TWO MEANEST MEN THAT EVER LIVED

HEN you're grown
up. and seasoned.
and sort of denied
up, you're more or
less used to ornery
folks, and you ex-
pect to cut their
trails.
Different, though.
w h e n you're a
tyke. No troubles.
including m e a n
people, ever cut
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19
CHASTITY Retrieving.

T ORD ROBERT INNES-KER, at a
l. dinner at the Plaza In New York
said of a New York wit:
His wit always hits the mark. It Is
not like the shooting of friend of mine
my friend went rabbit shooting one
day with fine retriever dog. A rab..t
suddenly appeared, and my friend let go
both barrels
1.-The dog, that never failed to retrieve
a shot, uttered mournful cry. and. re-
turning with it's own tail in its mouth,
laid it reproachfully at my friends feet
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

..Huh. II I couldn't grow more hair
than that on a croquet ball in six months
I'd get a lob in tunnel. and you tell that
scandihoolihan girl what / said with my
compliments
.Ry the way, what's that bunch of stun
on your dresser that looks like the kidney
saute we had for breakfast last SUNDAY
eh? Ho, no. Great!
How dye tack 'eln on, anyhow? Or do
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

Grumps assistance as valet. he had nm
ished dressing for the theater. and he had
squatted himself in her dressing room 10
watch her make her toilet.
.'How's that? Those slippers are not
papier mache, but suede? Well, what S
the difference? All comes to the same
thing. The tops of EN- only reach up
about half way TO your toes. and your
whole foot Is exposed to wind and wealth
er, especially with those tissue paper
stockings you've got on.
.Oh, the stockings are silk, Ell? Well,
they look like yelling to me. and you just
can't help taking chance on double
pneumonia or pleurisy, or bronchitis. or
some other fool thing when you go out
into the night rugged that way.
sAnd another thing about those Swed-
fsh slippers How's that? Oh, yes,
suede: WELL suede then. Mother thing
about them Is that they make woman $
feet look as big as all outdoors Your
feet right now look as II you were wear
ing a pair of United States regular army
trogans. Even with the heels Of those
,ulul.c slippers placed right unuer the IN
step, why the things can't be made to
look any smaller than health department
barges down the Potomac.
..fes. ana there's oeaIA and desolation In
those heels, too, IL you're asking me.
Why, If a man were to wear pair of
dab under the instep for ten minutes at
a stretch he'd go nutty and run amuck
and bite a whole lot of policemen and
the National Guard d have to be called
out to fetch him down with a Hotchkiss
gun.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

"B'inks, it's wonder to me a woman
can live twenty minutes the way she
dresses. Now I can understand why
you're usually so irritable and peevish
and things when you go out anywhere
with me.
Look at the mincing little steps you're
taking, like a Chink woman with bound
up hoofs. Now ] understand why you
tippytoe and poke along the way you do.
With those high heels and the rest Of the
impeding apparatus you wear It's a won
der you can walk from here to the front
door.
Flows that? A woman must wear the
things that other women wear?
'aOh, don't know so mueh about that
Why must she? What fort
Just because a womanS q woman she
doesn't have to be sheep. does she? II
other women insist upon numbering EN-
selves with that kind OF araphernalia
is that any reason why you should feel
the same way about it?
What's that? Men wear. tho same
kind OF clothes? All men. for instance
you say, wear derby hats? Oh, of course
There you go, as usual. Trying to switch
the thing around to men.
Who's talking about what men wear?
The case is different with men. anyhow.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-19

it person "a very little person then) to
one large, swift, comprehensive lift on
the toe Of the leather Of his right sandal
And that's all. Cole Brothers circus
was not seen on that occasion.
The story of the booster for the mes
merist is very much the same.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31
Proceedings Of the
.asEsf' 7--'EsE @ ~
City Council.
May End, 1910. /.
Office of City Clerk.

I
Bemidji, Minn.,. May End, 1910,
Council met in council room city hall al
4 quorum being present council was
Aldermen Shannon. Klein. Smart. Bisiar
Hanson. Roe. Schneider. were absent.
Minutes OF last meeting were read and
Ordinance No. 40 was read third time
and passed by the following vote: Ayes
Nayes. none Absent. Hanson. Roe. Schneider
Ordinance declared carried.
Attest TSsmas M.,ov JOHN G. PARK Z aF:,
- City Clerk. "E<..
Ordinance No. q was read third time and
passed BY the following vote: Ayes, Shan
non. Klein, Smart. Bisiar. Brown, Kirk
Nays. none.s Absent. Hanson. Roe, Schneider
Attest: JOHN @. PARKER
Thomas MaIoy, Mayor.
Report Of clerk OF; Municipal Court. week
enalng s3rd ult.: no lash. was approved:
city paupers. he to furnish coffin and dig the
grave for each deceased pauper at four s4)
doll ars was accepted and contract awarded
him on motion and second. -
Request of scavenger for. protection from
outside parties who are engaged in doing
scavenger work WAS read. council suggested
Gl6V 10 Hlc 1uAOrmdGlOua &3l0SG those QarGleS
Petition for extension of Park avenue from
18th st. toy14th ST., by George A &C anterberry
and six others was referred to committee on
streets and sidewalks. 4 81 q
On motion and second. resignation of j. s
Hanson rs alderman from second Nv ard was
accented on motion and second.
now opened. Yves Wright BID sc Der cubic miic
yard. there being ozotherabids it was re
jected. and on motion and second. the city
clerk was Instructed. to- ireadvertise lsfol
g. mi RI a no
Carried. tsssss-. -
Report of Carnegie library by secretary for
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31
GOOD TIME TO TURN FARMER.

In theory there never was abetter
time than right now for a sensible.
man to move from city to country.
The movement has been away from
the farm, until prices of. all kinds
of food and fiber, are high. There
is nothing in sight to aindicate,that
prices will be greatly reduced by
increased production. A crop well
grown and handled with. good bust
ness judgement will be reasonably
sure of sale at fair price. There
never was time when it was so
easy to learn new. methods and the
principles of scientific farming. A
man starting now may receive at
once the benefit of thirty years of
the experience and study of good
farmers and scientific experts. For
example, millions of acres of land
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31
THE NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP.

Friendship may be fostered but
cannot be forced. Two are as one,
not because it is in the will of either
but because it is in the nature of
both. When souls of similar fiber
encounter each other the gods preside
at the meeting may not cockily
say, II will make this man my
friend" He either is or is not my
friend without any decision of. mine,
or his. The ages have been shap-
ing the two of us and if we ft~into
each other, well and. good; if.not, we
know it instinctively and are worlds
apart though we toast our shius at
the same fire and handy words till
doomsday.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31
Common Sense Remedy.

Observation-Disclosures of Electropo.
des-thin copper and zinc plates,
to beAworn in the .shoes-have hit
upon alnovel, but sextremlyI effecr
tive, method of treating bodily all
ments. Rheumatism, neuralgia,
nervous headaches, insomnia,
stomach and liver troubles, ARE
quickly corrected and permanently
cured, by means OF Electopodes
If your Druggist cannot furnish
Electropodes-write to Western
Electropode Co., 261 Los Angeles
St..-7Los> Angeles, ~Cal., they
will see that you are supplied.
If Electropodes fail to cure, the
$500 deposited will be refunded.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31

in ting Eastern States are almost
non.productive and thrown on the
market at a low figure, simply be-
cause they are water-logged and
sour. When these farms are drained
and lined they become at once
productive, aud ii double in value
for farm purposes. They arenaturally
strong, and drainage and lime make
their strength available. H. w.
Collingwood in the june Metropolitan
! Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31

Never hesitate about giving
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy to
children. It contains no opium or
other narcotics and can be given
with implicit confidence. AS a
quick cure for coughs and colds
to which children are susceptible,
it is unsurpassed. Sold by Barker
Drug Co.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1910-05-31
month Of April 1910. showing balance cash on
hand Of &s2.l6. was approved on motion and

saa .sa
Extension Of sewer between 9th and 10th
streets. Bemidjl avenue. was referred 10
sewer committees on motion and second. The
ssu@ps th T. Rn
ana Reltrami avenues. on motion and
Fred Bnrsley and a. p. Richie were mt. rs
nomination for alderman second ward and
were'R Voted for by.bsllot. Bnrsely received
second ward. City OF BemidjI for un a
term OF I. 8; Hanson. resigned. Moved and
seconded theAehief OF police take special
| II he finds any person getting OF at said
station Who'll shipped. here from other points
and 70 become Q poor charge to this city. said
said person. back to place OF shipment and
the Hn. city VII regay him on filing the agents
The following bills were on motion and
second allowed:
| ]. ]. Robertson. balance due on ii
oi Rgp paS roi April isio 1 1Sa e.
street gang. teams andlabor 118 30
poor one week. ending May 80. IS rs
s. blocE 5: First 1dd. "o.A ~ y. So
lures. water dept. -: l5sss
a block $ arst add >. %
Warfeld Electric Co., lighting city IS
April.,lslo 800 90
rent q iTsnsfsrnsrs s SIS APRIL 1910 lsic 40 10
Mrs. F.sA. Blakeslee. threedaysf car /
ing for ROutin and KOlltn s. D. and
d5Pth.. one lsss two days. IS il
Bemidji Pioneer Pub Co.. oflcial
printing to Feb. 25th.. 1910 81 90
Remidji Pioneer Fub Co.. bill ending
| Mich Both l910oficial and job print
ing rs GO
George A Hanson. horse medicine.
AZ dept :........ ;:.;:.....::.... $50
THOS. MALOY,
City Clerk. GEORGE KIRK,
Chairman.