The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1910-03-03
A MARK TWAIN STORY
Showing What May Be Achieved
by Nerve and Federation.
A LESSON IN PERSEVERANCE.
Going to Prove That Repetition Will
Work Wonders if a Man Has Only
the Necessary Amount of Cheek to
Stand Up and Keep on Talking.

that II q man says the same thing Of
ten enough people will begin to listen
to him.
Now" said the great humorist,
there IA that story about Hank
Monk. That was the oldest, s~talest,
driest, deadest bit of alleged humor
that any man ever heard. 1t had been
circulated around Nevada and Cali
fOrnia until there wasn't a man left
who would even listen to it. l had
heard it so many times that | knew it
by heart. 1t told how Hank Monk got
Horace Greeley over the Glennbrook
grade to Placerville.
Il was about to deliver my second
lecture at Platt's hall in San Fran
ciscO-the second one l had ever de-
livered. 1t occurred to me that l
might begin that lecture with the
worst story l had ever heard and by
telling it often enough start the lee
ture with a big laugh. l took that
story and memorized it SO that it
would not vary in the telling, and l
made it just as pointless and just as
dull and just as dry as / could.
when it came time for me to talk
1 stood up and with a few introduce
tory remarks began that story. If l
remember it went something like this:
Horace Greeley once went over
the GlennbroOk grade to Placerville.
When he was leaving Carson City he
told the driver, Hank Monk, that he
I,l M orro ronnnnt 70 lnntTIrn ar
Placerville and was very anxious to
go through quick. Hank Monk crack
ed his whip and started off at an aw-
full pace. The stage bounced up and
down in such a terrific way that it
jolted the buttons all off Horace's coat
and finally shot his head clean through
the roof of the stage, and then he yell
ed to Hank Monk and begged him to
go ~eaSier-said he warn't in as much
of a hurry as he had been awhile
ago. But Hank Monk said. Keep
your seat. Horace, and I'll get you
there on time,," And he did, too-what
was left Of him.
"Now, that was all there was to the
story. 1t was bad enough to begin
with, but / made it worse in the tell
ing. l droned it out in a fiat, monoto-
nous tone, without a gesture to mar It's
depressing effect. The people received
it in dead silence. l had insulted every
man in the audience-I had 'graveled'
them with a story that was not only
stale and pointless, but n which they
had heard at least a thousand times.
l waited n few seconds for the laugh
ter. and then l began to hem and haw
and shift my feet. l tried to appear
Just as embarrassed as l could, and
after f1oundering about helplessly for a
few sentences | cheered up a little and
said that l would tell a funny anec-
dote which might be new to them. 1t
began:
Horace Greeley went over the
Glennbrook grade to Placerville'-
81 told it in exactly the same miser-
able, pOintless way that l had told it
before, and when l got through l wait
ed a longer time for the applause, but
there wasn't any applause. l could see
that several men in the house were
growing quite indignant. They had
paid money to hear Il humorous lee
ture. l took a long breath and plunged
in q third time, more embarrassed and
fuStered and worried than ever, and
by and by 1 worked around again to
the time when Horace Greeley went
over GlennbrOok grade to Placerville.
This time some of the smarter ones
began to laugh, and this encouraged
me SO much that l thanked them and
started right in to tell the story over
again, never varying the delivery so
much as a pause to take breath. The
fourth time fetched 'em, and at the
end of the story they stood up and
whooped and yelled and cheered for
some time.
You see, 1 thought that if a man
had sand enough to stand up before an
audience and tell the oldest, stalest
and most uninteresting story in the
world he could make people laugh if
he had the nerve TO tell the story often
enough. The rest of my lecture went
very well. They were willing to laugh
at my anecdotes the first time l told
them. Maybe they were afraid l would
tell them a second time.
Il felt so sure that l had discovered
q new phase in human character that
l tried the same thing in New York
years afterward. There was an au-
thOrs' reading bee one afternoon, and
most of the authors read selections
from their works. 1 sat on the plat
form beside James Russell Lowell.
He asked me what l was going to
read. l said that l wasn't going to
read anything. l intended to tell an
anecdote.
"Is it a funny one?' he asked.
81 said it would be if l lasted long
enough.
Il started out without any preamble,
and l told the Hank Monk anecdOte.
There was an awful silence at the
end. l took a drink of water, mOpped
my forehead and told the story again.
Same effect. Young man, l told that
story five lines before 1 landed 'em.
When | sat down at last Mr. Lowell