Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1910-04-22

STORIES



One of the shortest speeches record
| ed in forensic annals is hat OF Taun-
ton, afterward a judge. Charles Phil
| ips, an Irish orator, had made a flow
cry speech in an assault case. Taun-
ton, who was for the defendant, said
in reply: "My friends eloquent com
| plant amounts, in plain English, to
| this: thai his client has received a
| good, sound horsewhipping; and my
| defense is as short-that he richly
deserved it.
Lord Lansdowne nee congratulated
Lord Crewe on an eloquent speech in
the House Of Lords. II have followed
it." he said, with earnest attention,
not only on account of the importance
Of the subject, but also On account of
the noble lords judicial attitude. l
admired his earnestness and his clio
quence, but what impressed me most
was his impartiality." A pause. Yes,
until the last minute, I did not know
on which side of the fence his lordship
was coming down.
Mark Twain tells of a nasty dig"
he once gave in his Virginia City news
paper career TO a man named Fergu-
son: Ferguson. at Christmas time,
invited me to see the presents he had
given his wife. They were magnifi-
cent gifts. The nan expected, of
course. a write-up. Well, he wasn't
disappointed. The next day, in a prom
inent place on the first page of the
Enterprise, I inserted this paragraphs:
John H. Ferguson's Christmas gifts to
his wife are being much admired. They
include a diamond stomacher and
many other beautiful specimens of cut
glass;"
The head of a New York firm having
ing important interests in Italy de-
cided some time ago, in view OF the
death of an old and reliable clerk, who,
Of all in the establishment, was the
only one to have a good knowledge of
the Italian tongue, that his own son,
also a member of the concern, ought
to take VI the study Of that language.
Recently a friend met the young man.
81 understand" said he, that you're
actually studying Italian" "Why, yes
said the other, Eve been at it for
several months under a teacher just
from the other side What prog
ress?" Good" was the answer. Hes
beginning to speak English remarka-
bly, WELL"
The late Joseph Dorsey of San Jose,
the detective whose best feat was the
n %,r ~ Ho-0r D1~ro~I offa~ a
chase from Alaska to Cape Horn, used
to impute his success to his knowledge
of men. "A detective" he would say,
Should know the habits Of every class.
Then no disguise can deceive him. All
men, even the most unmethodical, have
their habits. Even the tramp has his.
You great big, lazy %loafer,' I said to
q tramp n December day, you ought
to be in Jail Yes, Algie,' the tramp
replied, as he pretended to fix a mon
ocle in his eye. Yes, l know it's the
correct thing for our set at this sea-
son, Algie; but. deuce take it, it's such
a mild winter, don't you know!'"
The other night, according to the
story, Finley Peter Dunno wanted a
taxicab at the club. He told John, who
s~uperintends the outside Of the Brook,
of his needs. The cab came. John
thrust his head through the doors to
notify Mr.. Dunno. Mr.. Dunno came
to the door. getting into a hroadtail
overcoat. This way, cabbie," said
John in his most magnificent ay, turn
ing to address the chauffeur. Johns
foot slipped and he spilled himself
down the steps on his ear. "Ah, John,
John" said Mr.. Dunno, shaking his
head sorrowfully, you must be more
careful of your reputation, John. You
ought not to come downstairs that
way. People will take you for one Of
The members"