davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20
By Emmett @. ball.

You may go ahead now. and follow
those instructions. he remarked.
The Instructions read: Have nose
set Roman; do not ike Greek Nan"
Now that. in its American incarnation.
made readable little anecdote.
Looking over the entire funny field, one
significant fact may be observed: that the
1.-TWO line or dialogue jokes are the
worst. anecdotes are an improvement.
short skits f" are better. and short hui
morous stories are Of still higher grade.
unless unduly padded. There is no literary
explanation Of this-it is simply question
of cash. Ninety-nine and nine-tenths per
cent Of American humor is machine made,
and the best jokes are never written-that
IS. are not written as jokes" The joke
smith cannot afford to use up g good idea
for the price at which the joke VIII sell.
A joke, no matter how good it may be.
Is not worth much commercially. One of
the best known funny weeklies IN
America pays fifty cents each for the diia-
logue jokes, and il may be six months
or a Year DSLUtc tie Jyht II Pit4tfa anu
the author RENTED his half dollar. There
are several publications which pay 81 each
for their smiles. and one which splurges
to the extent of $3.50. An anecdote is
worth from 81 TO S3-the average being
$50 A short skit might bring IS. and
q short humorous story with a good joke
for a climax anywhere up to SOS
If a joke is good In itself. II It is real
humor, the chances are that II may be
made better in the form Of an anecdote,
as there is then the opportunity for a
little introduction and stage setting. and
anybody with a gift Of CAB and a little
pounding Of the typewriter can convert
good anecdote into skit OF five or six
hundred words. A little more pounding
and, depending on the nature OF the original
idea, you have a newspaper column length.
worth So or IS. or a short story It is re-
lated that a certain rather popular comedy
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20
REMEMBRANCES, BILL.
BY ]. W. FOLEY.

I wonder If you still remember them. Bill.
The fresh morning glories that crept up the
sill
And nodded at US when the night time was
gone
And curtains thrown open TO let in the
dawn;
ThAlight over there. and the edge Of the sun
That blazed on the hin when the day was
begun.
The air on our cheeks and the sparkle Of
dew.
Our hearts and our hopes like the day that
was new
I wonder il you still remember them. Bill.
The way Of a thousand delights UP the hill,
Through lanes and by hedges where or
chards we're sweet.
And clover dews healing the woes Of bare
feet:
The chatter Of squirrels, the rattle Of leaves.
The round yellow pumpkins. the wind tat
tered sheaves.
The shade that was deep and lent splendor
20 dreams.
And lips that were lsved by the bubbles Of
streams.
wonder II you stiu remember them, Bill.
The times when the cup of ali nature would
spill
It's gladness for US when the days over
flowed
with the laughter of pisytime, and far
down the road
Were m;lestonss all marked by delights
Jointly shared,
To set of the days where adventures steps
Jared;
Nor even a secret but innocence knew.
The heart of youth hallowed and Joy bub-
bled through.
1 wonder If you still remember them, Bill,
The times in the twilight. on hedgerow and
hill
When re whistled homeward. upon the old
With hearts full of giadness that quite over
flowed;
The pillows where nestled two tangles Of
hair.
The JOY freighted dreams, with left over
share
Fer the dawn OF the morrow-a thread that
was pearled
With jewels of Joy that were strung round
our world
/ wonder if you still remember them. bill,
Our VOWS to the future We thought TO fu.-
fill;
Our Gay dreams to cherish, our faith to
endure
Through trials how bitter, our hearts to
keep pure;
No gladness Of living but We two would
share
The lanes and the byways are vOndrouEly
fair
But somehow the voices grow tuneless and
still
l wonder If you still remember them, Bill
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20
lUby tie Best Jokes IRE rleuer Urittcn.

was developed from simple He; She:
tho liner.
And 1t Is so easy. Suppose a man behind
the typewriter has something like this In
his mind
In Arkansas.
First stranger Air yo' Their man fhet
hit my old woman with er fence rail?
Second Stranger (as he draWs)-Ah sho
am.
First Stranger-Shake, strangerl She's
been better woman ever since.
There is fifty cents. easy; with luck,
dollar. But why not:
A representative from Arkansas tells of
an amusing encounter between two OF his
constituents not long ago. Il seems that
the two men. though living In the same
nsighborhood. were strangers. One Of the
men few days before in order 20 get his
wagon around deep mudhole In the road.
had thrown down a section OF rail fence and
driven through the field which boreered
the road. a proceeding strenuousiy OBJ
jeeted TO by the wife of the other man,
the owner OF the land. So aggressive
did the woman become, enforcing her az
guments with hay fork, that the tres
passer was obliged TO resort to the use OF
a section Of fence rail for protection, and
this second meeting was the result OF ths
first encounter
Air 20 Their man" etc. etc. etc.
And there you have dollar. sure-pos-
sibly three.
Or the thing might be done In the strictly
narrative form:
Got to thinkin' OF times back IN ole
Arkansas terday,' the old man remarked.
as he slowly stuffed his pipe with eut-plug.
and tried TO find s soft side to the saddle
on which his head was resting. There
was feller named Jones. an his wife was
sho' caution to Wildcats. and so on
to the happy eight 10 twenty-five dollar
conclusion.
Admittedly, our jokes are pretty bad.
but it would be little unreasonable 10 ex-
pect the makers thereof to be so extremely
patriotic as 10 take fifty cents for an idea
when they can spread it cut and get about
$40 an hour for typewriting.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20
THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THINGS.
BY D. L. KINDS.

T was said ages and ages ago: There
is a time for everything under the sun
a time to dance and time to mourn
time TO laugh and a time to weep"
Perhaps the trouble with the cities
throughout the length and breadth OF the
land Is that we are nor doing things at the
right time We smile and ratify when we
should frown and condemn.
We are calm and unruffied while plan-
ming and executing deals and while pocket
ing the results. but as soon as We are found
out We have Mysteries.
Men draw up illegal documents and sign
them with steady hand. They plan 6as-
tardly deeds and perform them without
tremor You would not know there was
nerve In their bodies, but when they are
found our they suffer 4 breakdown OF the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

- OLOR-KIN Is the man who colors
the strawberries. To reach the roof
Of the fruit he ascends ladder con-
sisting OF blade OF grass, which he
slants against the berry on which his
Job is located, and he sets bis Pot OF red
paint beside him.
one afternoon when W L. Hubbard was
walking through the woods he came upon
him as he was hard at work on one of these
pieces, Of which he has 10 have 100000 be-
fore he receives the recognition of the
fairy queen. AS be is only about the tenth
OF an inch tall, naturally Mr.. Hubbard,
vho aggregates more than six feet. did not
observe him Just at first. and he was about
20 pick the wild strawberry on which Mr.
color-Kin was toil.ng when the little fellow
sang out;
Stop that, man
stop whate I asked said Mr. Hubbard
IN the book which he has written called
Talks with Color-Kin and the Bond
book shop has pubhshed-a book which
ought 10 delight small people with It's fan
eifuI narrative and ought TO delight those
who have their instruction in charge be-
cause Of its educational value in hammer
ing eternaly at the command to " use your
eyes" in advocating kindness to animals.
and in encouraging the imagination.
81 didn't see anybody to ask" continued
Mr.. Hubbard, but 1 thought that If the
strawberry could speak, 1 al least could an
swer II
stop picking that strawberry" And
then Mr.. Hubbard saw him. He spoke in
short jerky way. kind OF swapping of
each word and making It sound angry.
%. / beg your pardon" said Mr.. Hub
hard. Does this wild strawberry belong
TO you? I did not know it"
u did not know it, he snapped on;
mockingly. OF course you did not know
1t You people never know IT, and yet
you think you know so much
u am sorry replied Mr.. Hubbard.
did not KIN Then, as he says in his book
about it, 4 was about to say. I did not
know & was yours. when thought Of what
he Just had said. so changed it to: saw
the strawberry and thought it I'D not be-
long to anyone. so l started to pick It
III you had used your eyes you would
have seen l was at work upon IT, was the
answer
And with this amiable Introduction TO
each other the big man sets forth q series
az narratives ard charaeterizations of and
bv the little one which read much Ike in
terviews. They meet in the woods, when
Mr.. Hubbard, who has grown accustomed
TO finding The small artist close TO the earth,
IS surprised 70 near his thin. high voice
issuing from the leaf OF tree right under
his ear. For, although the work OF coloring
the fruits. flowers. and leaves is highly
specialized work. the course covering the
technique of fruit ccloring Includes instruc
ton in shading leaves,
On smother occasion coler-Kin pays Mr.
Hubbard visit in his study. riding in
through the open window on the back Of a
bee. aud throughout that interview, in
which ne tells the story Of how the brook
happens 10 lie in the bottom Of the brock
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

reading Khayyam being staggered by from
Only survive comfort embarrassing
the dust Courage needed to point telescope at
sky to aside the merciful of time
For grateful for being view of great vista and
would have his horizon possible Security comes
things village that changes the
that the morning the landscape that has perexng
distance.
For the likes to think that has problems
with things that his
jealous its thoughts and of its feelings
ones will AT
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

I Is surprising and almost discomhting to reai-
ize that as long ago as 1870 b. c., before the
dawn Of Christianity. the world was much the
same and gave material for the same ideas, the
same feelings, and the same PHILOSOPHERS that
are so much in the front today.
To read EecleSiasticus is, indeed, TO set out
on an adventure, a journey into a forgotten
century, hidden by the dust of time, but unex-
pectedly and bewilderingy familiar. 1t is the
same type OF adventure that of going into
the open on a starlit night and being abashed
and dsquieted by the sky, or that of going into
the Egyptian room in a museum and being
rtlaa hz the echn of LOST Civilization or that
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

T is told OF Alexander the Great that he was
Jealous of his own father, Philip of Macedon.
He will conquer the world" cried the youth,
and leave nothing for me TO achevev' Today
il is the Philips who should regret We die
before our time. while a few PAGES ahead Of
us we see the coming Alexanders conquering
the universe"
Evolution points toward this achievement
OF Alexander. Evolution not only shows Us
the devious path along which man has passed
through the various stages of his development
but it also reveals To US the goal toward which
he is striving. and the prize awaiting him at
this goal Not only does Il mark the slow
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

nervous system. O. II they had only co.,
lapsed before they began.
People lead dual lives They laugh ard
joke and enjoy ali the amenities Of life. but
when the duplieity is discovered they 90 out
and shoot themselves; o, if they had only
shot themselves at firstl
II We had our Mysteries first instead or
last It would lessen litigation, II would IN
burden grand juries, II would empty pFis-
ons
This is a plain business proposition. II
we would have mysteries before the deed
instead of after it would save reels OF req
tape, and If Il did not lower the taxes It
would at least leave them free to be ap-
piled to public Improvements.
There is right time for eyexything-evsu
mysteries.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

NDER all conditions and in all ages religion
has been the main motive power in the lives of
individuals as well as in the historic move.
ments Of the world and even those who are
eonfessedly irFeligious are swayed hy senti-
ments which. though moving in another drec-
ton, are quite analogous to what religious peo-
pie call religion. There is ia every normal per
son some supreme idea or principle or tendency
which charaeterizes his soul, pervades his senti-
ments and dominates his entire conduct 1t
is the main factor that determines his religion
and this main factor Of religion is the attitude
of the thinking towards the AL
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

product of natural growth It develops from
being isolated creature but of greater
Unconcusy he feels his relation toward the cosmos
affecting panpathy finally becomes religion
physical world the affecting of each particle finds express
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

upward but tells that ne
indeed God in the Januske evolution has face
turned toward the past other looking forward into the dim future
Iuvountaiy when mans wonderful advance when
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-03-20

:::::: !: i: !: :. +: :: :: 4: Is: :: !:
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19

heard Miss Miller
the spell Of her wonderful She recognized rem the
Katherine Ridge
greater dramatic Add this talent charming
ait,. splendid and tha magnetic quality
which taught the schools and will understand why she
fails completely her audience Every nearer becomes
her Ia her Of the huna from
brilliant gaycty the deepest patho, she wonderfully real
and
Miss Mers supporting superb Co1pon5 lose thcr
describe wonderful gifts OF
Jore. He occupies niche distinctly his tic the wizard of The
CnhampoTed by precedent he
which incredible
The possibilities the cn half realized Until
has heard ore High honors been bestowed him By
organizations Ii; has become familiar hrouh
with bT In
Interpretation tho leading he versatile In his
brilliant
fees the Of he advantage Of the performer
Paul y Archibald the popular baritone is also OF the
His has him envab distinction in the musical of
quality affords
artist The dramatic Intensity
his bring his audiences
His
those who hear him and IS qualification
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19

ilic Great TeFt TT Lincoln, Nch,--- :.cat,cr ~.
Nlie'a Theatre Gf Players.
At 10 o'clock, THURSDAY mor.linS. January
rs. 1906. not then knowing what his subject
vas 10 be that night. nj Flowers re achel
Lincoln, Nco., where he was 10 appear CT tie
J. NJ c. y. Star Course. he fccIid two items
II the @ornipg dramatic notes: "EeG-Arr
Leaves Town" Five caricadS CT scenery,
horses. caraels. etc. The other: "C11-iILr
tonight in the Star Course"
He callde UP the secretary at once: 'E:c~so
c,-ange my subject. TIE klaw & Erianeer
production has beeH seen here four times tGis
NceN.''
"Caa't CO it. We have already scld ext
the same theatre, aad are turning People
away"
How many Of these have seen tie p.ay:'
About go ger tel.t.''
Are you nilling TO risk It with ri:c?''
Yes. certainly; l dill It en- purpose. Are
having the greatest sale il OR history
What q Contrasting spectacle that night to
that greet :.USielfe filing every sex. TIE
boxes fuii. an! many standing. to see, whore
before IVES the E.est a,c gnifce1t spectacle OF
stage-cr2ft, now TIC 500 enc cn.v ran in col
emn black, bit for ria 81 irt, walk Gcwn 4
bare stage 10 the foofiishts. That spectacle
vas either riiisulous CT sL;,ijne
Here vas the fairast. strsGsest test CT the
relative arts Ct reading aud rlayinc iris G.
any age has -scorae: i,s n.sa nay rat bc
seen again. The eea-.i!fas were perfect
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19
Opening Event

The opening number of the Commercial Club Entertainments
company of four artists 1t OF the lore
musical attractions of the country whose tour of the north
west has been arranged at great expense and on heavy g
Such imposing figures in the musical world do rot go barn
storn Their services teachers the cccfs OF art arc III
tremendous demand To their consent for tour means
fat signed by the nery presrlo who has confidence
that the public willing pay well for the best The oal com
mttee considers that the best too good for Ncahec
Three ordinary companies could have been secured Tor
the price guaranteed to the Central Grand.
-Four such imposing figures not often assembled III one
company. Macmillan Dick, whom high honors have been
showered by the musical centers of Europe stands unr3d
among American vionsts Miss Edith Adams has for her
the distinction of being Of the artistic and brilliant
ceists of the age Madame Aub PeareA Meyer with
her wonderful soprano voice. already ranks with the greatest
singers of America with the best achievements Of her life before
her Adoph Knauer master OF the piano whose
hold his auditors spebond with anazcmCnt and delight Alto
geher the of which the Central Grand Concert Company
is made up sufficient insure it grand ovation wherever 1t
appears Every the great soo but while solo
numbers will be included in special feature OF
each will be the concerted numbers which the fill strength OF
the company will be engaged ~-1.- .~ 4.... -~.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19
SEASON 191O-l91I
WENATCHEE COMMERCIAL CLUB
ENTERTAINMENT COURSE

a COURSE OF FOUR FIRST GLASS LYCEUM ATTRAC-
TbONS-THE BEST TOURING THE NORTHWEST THIS
SEASON-HAS BEEN SECURED FOR WENATCHEE.
THESE ENTERTAINMENTS AND THEIR DATES ARE: =.
Nq CENTRAL GRAND CONCERT CO., MONDAY NO. ~
"a MEMBER L. .s&T
EW ~GERTRUDE GOODWIN MILLER CO., NOV. IT, ~
~ OPIE READ-EVENING OF STORIES, JAN IA.
! - MONTAVIILE FLOWERS - REPRESENTATION,
NSsA MARCH
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19
MONDAY EVE. NOV. 81
FIRST EVENT--GRAND EVE. NOV q
Central Grand Concert Company
GRAND CONCERT
A S;*st S, : pie eutt ~ 't ;;:;, 1 3


IS
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19

No fitting associate Cor tee great
head OF this could he been than Miller
soprano who eertn need nat fear comparison with any pna
Gonna benc the ootghtS She has charming
yilahct and her tccica llo OF sup
Mrs Smith is of the Illustrations Ct nerica capacity
producing lovely Voices
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19

,c-o was - rcest rcc-.-r Ply ever staged.
Tsaj!e o.: the best Eroz;u theme In the world.
cut e 4 beck most widely raa. il tae ycGlsi.
rnt On BY TO ablast managers tnd best 2IS.--
WriSht they could secLro ever dean TctfcSt
23i cc>>.n- %2S6, 900 before the curtain was
ralso3 CT t1e first night gha Eecct advcrtisci
IlG3-. tie most srodiSicus cpeetCce and tie
EreSteSt success the stage had known. 1t was
III the same house. before the same audience
a1d cn the very next right that ors man,
s.occ, with 20 strength CT reputation TO sus-
tain hi&:. Stepped fovt. TO produce the same
tte5Ee, tcE<ztrlttoI t;' hl,zc.f cut Of Is sane
Stc,:.
TIE dramatic critic next morning tells with
what success.
V.2-cr sin~cTscnatic:.s. s.ort1.ille Flowers
Eeads Ecr-Sfu- with Thrilling Eject
May CT these who Went to the Oliver last
light 70 hear Aeat2y;i,c Flowers give read
in@s frcT Ec2-iIur as the sixth number in the
y. Il. {. A. course expected to be mildly borei
after ccciGS earlier il the week the gorgeous
spectacular play of that name and the fact
that Ar. Flowers succeeded in holding the
close attention and at times breath less inter
est CT TIE audience is sufficient proof of the
quality CT his approximations. In brief in
PRODUCTION n-. Orr, chairman Of the commit
tee on entertainm eats, said that tAc1e who
had toasted their eyes on the spectacle would
row have opportunity to feast their nlinds ON
the Interpretation and this prediction proved
to be true. Nebraska state Journal.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1910-10-19

!. - MONTAvILLE FLOWERS - REPRESENTATION,
H. AZ MARCH Is. 4aaaa
SINGLE ADMISSION TICKETS FOR EACH EVENT
WILL BE FIXED AT ONE DOLLAR COURSE TICKETS
WILL GO ON SALE TOMORROW AT TWO DOLLARS THE
HOLDER OF a COURSE TICKET WILL. BE ADMITTED
TO ALL FOUR EVENTS OF THE SERIES WITHOUT FUR
THEIR EXPENSE.
TO SECURE FOUR SUCH IMPOSING ATTRACTIONS A
GUARANTEE WAS NECESSARY. TO SIGN THE CON
TRACT AND ASSUME THE RISK AND MANAGEMENT OF
THE COURSE SIXTEEN BUSINESS AND PROFESSIONAL.
MEN AGREED TO TAKE ACTION. THE COST INVOLVED
WILL TOTAL CLOSE TO SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS If
ANY LOSS OCCURS THE SIXTEEN GUARANTORS PAY
IT IF ANY PROFITS ARE REALIZED-EVERY CENT
WILL BE TURNED OVER TO THE WENATCHEE COM
MERCIAL CLUB .,e~.s. .~,.~. r. s,-> ... r.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1910-07-20
SEEK GR|PPEN IN
Vain WHEN LINER
KROONLAND DOCKS
No One Answering Description
of Suspected Physician
Taken on Liner.

NEW YORK. July 20.-Another sup
posed clue to the whereabouts of DR..
Hawley Harvey Crippen, whose arrest
the London police have requested. was
run down today with the arrival here
OF the steamer Kroonland. There was
no sign on the Kroonland of the Ameri-
can physician, In whose London house
a body, believed to be that of his wife,
known on the stage as Belle E.more.
was recently unearthed, and who was
thought to have fled to this country, IN
company with his stenographer, Ethel
Clara Leneve.
Cabled advices that there was
ground for belief that DR.. Crippen and
his companion boarded the Kroonland
when that steamer called at Dover. on
her way from Antwerp to New York
the day the doctor disappeared, caused
a close inspection of the liners passen-
gers here. It was without result, how
ever. and the Kroonland's officers said
that no one answering DIR. Crippen's
description took passage on the steam
er. either at Dover or at Southampton.
One man, who afterward proved to be
A clergyman, and his wife. were sub
jected to some little scrutiny. but had
little trouble in proving their identity.