The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1910-06-23
The Lady Who
Speaketh Not
More to Be Feared Than the CONVEX
satonal Wife. Says Uncle Henry.

| and looks like what it never will be.
Fierce things, son; simply fierce.
Its like this. When she's mad she
spurts conversation with static head
of $50 pounds. The madder she gets
the harder it is for her to talk. And
when she gets clean plumb petulant
you can't get word out OF her with
cold cbisel.
Get me right, though. However,
otherwise and nevertheless, silent
woman is the gosh blamedest work OF
an otherwise beneficent Providence.
THAT silent treatment effect is
what brings the silver threads among
the gold. That's what makes mar
ried men learn to begule the thing
they are by seeming otherwise. as the
poet so aptly expresses it. I'm going
to tell you, son, conversational wom-
an wife is a sore trial, and offense
and a stumbling block. But you take
it from me, when you frame her up
alongside of the silent sister sort of
simple sorrow she is five aces to the
deck. Yes, sir, she is that.
81 tell you, son. this silent CROUCH
business is a problem. It's a study.
I put it down that any man who can
invent an antidote is going to be rich,
famous and happy all at the same
time. And listen, I've got great
scheme There's a sure way to beat
it and your crafty Uncle Henry had
thought It out all for himself And
tried it too, by gracious. Be not as
damb, driven cattle, be hero.
"All right | comes home the other
night and found that l was persona
non grata with little wife. She could
not see me with Yerkes telescope.
| had to go look in the glass to find
out If | was really home. | don't
know what was the matter with her
but whatever it was 1t was my fault,
of course.
"An,' l says, 'pOsterity never did
anything for me, so you could notice
it, says, but | says: ! am certain
ly built on the general ground plan Of
a public benefactOr. l will try this lit
tie scheme out and put the double
cross on a lowering futurity,' l says.
|
braced ! sings out: Huh | says, /
dunno what this house would be if
some one didn't come in once and a
while and pay some attention to some
thing That front door bell won't
ring. It's busted like that. | says.
OF course | knew it wasn't busted, but
just wanted to start her off.
1.-The bell rings perfectly WELL she
says.
See? had her from the start Oh,
this is a bang up idea of mine. All
right. Then / comes back at her sort
of mean.
Nothing Of the sort, l says. II
don't ring because it's busted. | guess
| ought to know. Seems like every
thing is busted around here | says.
leading her out to make another
crack Catch the idea?
1.-The front door bell she says,
cool, calm and collected and the icirles
hanging on every word, is in excellent
Consition There is nothing the mat.
ter with it. 1t is not broken. 1t
rings. The front door bell rings she
says like that certainly settled it and
ne at the same time.
Then | decides to spring it. All
right l says, since you are so sure
says, III go out and push the button,
| says, and then we will see whether
you know so much or not | says, just
as tart and brazen as any old bachelor
Huh, she says. Only that and moth,
ing more.
Then l knew | had her. | was some
sot up over it too. SO | goes out on the
front steps and gives the thing push
good and strong SO there wouldn't be
any mistake.
We'll sir, you can just see me out
or that stoop with the light of victory
in my eyes, just dippy with excitement
like a boy spinning his first top.
sort of figured it out was qualifying
to have national holiday named after
me too.
so | gives it a good push. Then
listens. | didn't hear anything.
gives it another shove. Still nothing
doing. Probably something the mat
ter with the button. unscrews that
in hurry and touches the ends OF
the wires. Still no ring, | screws or
the button again, and then who comes
moseying out but wife.
We'll she says, ring it, she says
Don't be standing there like a fool,
she says.
: Il didn't say one single little word
| was thinking, | was. Then she gives
hitch and huff and she gives the
Tuition a push. Silence reigDed. She
gives it some more pushes and NJ
ring. Huh she says and goes off.
Well, son, that was some days age
and she hasn't seen me yet. Fact i:
I'm not so all fired anxious for her tt
see me, because when she does come
: around at last there's going to be some
doings at our house. You see thu
longer she does the silence sketch tn'
, worse the result will be; but | ain
f exactly out looking for trouble just TO
the sake of having 1t over.
Still it's a bully idea. The idea wa
perfectly all right 1t was the bell tina
was out of order. I'm going to try |
again some time. That is, when sh
gets over what's the matter with hel
gives it to me good and then is al
cooled down again That'll take som