Tanana leader. [volume] (Tanana, Alaska) 1909-1910, 1910-02-10

wea,her-board shack in South Dakota.
where the winds were bowling across
the prairie, snow drifting through the
hundred different crevices, the mercu-
ry going down like the canteen stock
in a w. c. 7. y. convention, and read
weird tales by travellers that ran some
thing like this: 1.-THE Philippines Is a
land of sunshine and flowers, waving
palms and beautiful ferns, majestic
mountains and roaring torrents, luscious
fruits and picturesque people,"
Now, from business mans stand
point or that of a traveller of leisure
and in search of the picturesque, this
description fits all right. The mercan-
tile opportunities are here and SO are
the scenic novelties; but the regular
soldier pays no heed to these things,
and, although the country may be
veritable Garden of Eden, he will find
something to grumble about.
I was tempted to enlist by an over
whelming sense of patriotism and the
holes in my shoes. ain here now and
woe betide the traveller who wrote
those enticing sketches should 1 ever
meet him. The beautiful sunshine is
a glare, hotter than the hinges OF h,
and the average Filipino flower would
stink hyena away from glue factory.
The waving palms are described by
Mark Twain as resembling dilapidated
umbrellas, and the ferns, one and all,
have stickers that leave a wound as if
y man had been stabbed with = pump
handle. The majestic mountains -
we'll, just carry Krag rifle, 100 rounds
of ammunition, blanket, canteen, haver-
sack and three days rations over one
of these mountains and then try and
extract any poetry from the situation.
The load, itself, on level road would
make a Mexican burro bat his eyes.
The roaring torrents are here all right,
I know, because l paid $l3. Is for rifle
that lies at the bottom of one of them;
but there lots OF romantic people who
have never seen river tilted up more
than it ought to be and getting a hump
on itself without raying about it. The
fruit-little, dried up bananas about
the size of q North Carolina peanut,
and cocoSnuts at cents apiece. The
Ten Commandments Of the hospital
corps are all condensed into Don't eat
the fruit or you will have the dysen-
terry" and "Sleep under a mosquito
bar and avoid the fever" The people
picturesque? Let me tell you about
them: Clothes-well, if you put about
twenty Filipinos together you could
get enough drapery from them to pad
q crutch, and no more. Shoes they
never wear, and consequently they
leave a track like half-grown grizzly
bear. The men wear q hat about three
feet in diameter, and the general effect
is that of q bull calf under shed.
They are little, pin-headed, insigniti-
cant people, with about IS much ex-
preston on their faces as piece of
mince pie. The high-priced war cor
respondents have been charitable
enough to divide them into tribes and
to credit them with distinguishing
traits, but the fact cannot be disguised
that these people are simply the miss
ing link between the baboon and the
human race. One tribe can always be
named by sight the Igorrotes - for
they wear nothing but gee-string,
speak language that sounds like u
combination of bass drum and fife, and
if the word picturesque can be applied
to Filopino this tribe deserves the
appellation.
Take the bamboo away from the
Philippine islands and they would COL
lapse. Nearly everything is made OF
it-houses, hats, cooking utensils, cloth
ing, carts, whitewssh brushes; why,
they even cat the tender sprouts of one
variety. Give a native a joint of BAN
boo and a handful of rice and he can
mako good meal. They don't need
matches; any observant soldier knows
how to start fire by rubbing two
pieces of bamboo together, so the la
dian stories of our childhood are real
lied At last.
AS to mosquito bars and malaria, we
are impressedly told that every time a
mosquito jabs hole in one of us he
either introduces large dose Of mala-
ria or presents US with q large, un-
known quantity OF scientifically called
''elephantiasis." Now, we don't know
properly what .'elephantiasis" means,
but it suggests a horrible nightmare
of trunks, tushes and hind legs bent
forward, so the mosquito bar is indis-
,pensable. You can follow our trail by