davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
The Chipping Crickets

There is an old belief that crickets,
locusts and other insects gigs warning OF
the coming of extremely warm weather
by. the unusual clamor they make at
night AS a matter of fact, they chirp
because it is warm, not because it is 60
ing to be warm. A certain young man
told recently of discovery that he made
last summer based on the chirping of the
crickets. He noticed. of course, that the
hotter it was the faster they chirped and
the cooler it was the slower they chirped.
and he conceived the idea of making them
serve as sort of thermometer. Having
counted the number of chirps made by a
cricket one night, he looked at a Their
mometer and found that 1t marked GA de-
grees. The cricket had chirped 100 times
In minute. By noticing it night after
night he arrived at a regular rule, which
is that for every degree above Ga the
cricket chirps. five times. When 1t chirps
100 times in minute, therefore, you will
find the Thermometer marking 70 degrees
What queer ways some people have Of
amusing themselves.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
The Vanity Of Riches

Since pa became a millionaire ma hasn't
been at home at ALL
Last winter she was in the south-she' s
goin' to japan this fall;
She went to Europe in the spring and
spent the summer over there;
She says next year she's goin' back
she's never happy anywhere.
have to stay at home because I need
to go to school, you know;
It's often lonesome, and l wish ma
wouldn't care to travel so;
She says next year she's goin' down to
Porto Rico and Brazil,
And when that trip is done I s'pose she'll
want to keep on goin' still.
Pa doesn't seem to mind a bit; he's
got a girl stenographer
That's young and beautiful, and when
go to see him I see her.
She sits beside him at his desk. and,
somehow, when ma starts away,
He doesn't seem to kick at all or care
how long she wants to stay.
I wish that things were different and
we'd get poor again somehow,
I used to go to public school, but. gee,
they wouldn't'let me now;
I'd rather have the little fiat that we
were happy in before.
With ma to cook the meals herself and
pa to eat at home once more.
IS. E. Kiser in the Chicago Record
Herald.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

some really, clever new jokes. When
they got to the 'chicken-crossing-th
road clip, which Hi Holler gets off in
Way Down East with so much gusto, I
was glad it was time for me, to get off
the car and leave them to their old worn
out yarns
Serves you right for eavesdropping, ="
I said, facetiously.
Not at ALL" she replied, at only made
me speculative, and / am glad this sub
ject has come up for discussion, because
/ know from the number of old chestnuts
that were reeled off that day that there
are even more than seven or eleven or
even twenty-five or fifty original ones
that have whiskers on them that would
rival a once popular Kansas statement in
this particular"
II think you are quite right" said /.
'for l have made sort of q study of
such things myself, and l firmly avow
that it is much harder to find brand
new, untold joke than it is to select ones
spring bonnet" l declared.
II agree with ycu thoroughly" said
my friend. For instance, look over the
weeklies from the very beginning of
Punch and you will dnd the same lines
OF humorous thought, endless repetitions
of a fool-born Jest, ponderous elabora-
lions of trifle and changes OF an old
| idea to suit time and place."
Then there is Joe Miller's Joke Book
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Are You Color Blind?

Most women have the impression that
they have a better eye for color, as they
call it, than their male relatives, says the
Strand Magazine. There is a foundation
in fact for this, as the percentage of color
blind women Is much smaller than of
men. Men seem to vary much more than
women While red-green blindness, which
Is common among men, is comparatively
rare In women, the slighter varieties are
quite common
1t is obvious that If a woman cannot
see the difference In colors which is so
striking to other persons. she will be I'M
able to arrange colors so that they can
be effectively contrasted. Many of the
curious combinations which we see may
be due not to bad taste, but to color blind
ness. A well-known authoress could not
distinguish between the color of the leaves
in October, when they were orange, rus
set, and brown, and those of early
spring, when they were yellow, green and
bright green.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

liant as ever, remarked that he was sure
that there were at least % original jokes
in the world. All of which savors Of the
fact that both Miss Repplier and Mr.
Choate are quite amiable and receptive,
since the best and the oldest authorities
vehemently assert that there are by abb
solute count only three original jokes.
Now, the question comes up, what are
these three, seven eleven, or even
twenty-five original, basis jokes upon
which all other forms of humor have
been founded?
This discussion arose a few days ago
when a friend of mine, very clever and
little visit and I remarked about Miss
Repplier and Mr.. Choates eagerness to
believe in the old, moth eaten idea of the
seven or the eleven.
why, said she. IT am on their side.
YOU know, l have recently had most
remarkable experience on this particular
subject
Trying to palm off an old chestnut on
somebody that refused to stand for it?" l
asked.
"Not at ALL she smilingly said "al
though l have frequently plead guilty to
such a thing. But this particular item of
interest happened on the street car the
other day.. There were two people sitting
In front of me. and as had long. weary
L "
die of ennui or else find entertainment In
the conversation OF, these two people"
IT didn't suppose that you approved of
eavesdropping.' I said. as heard this
statement.
II don't, usually, but when I tell you
what these people were talking about, you
won't be surprised" she responded.
Then out with It," demanded.
They were telling jokes. and, of course.
I was dying to hear what they were say
ing. I had read all the little papers In
the street car racks. and I had looked out
the window until couldn't stand 1t any
longer. and SO I just plainly-eaves-
dropped"
IT suppose the two people in question
were aware of this fact and took extra
care to entertain you," I said.
Don't be a cat now" said my friend,
who was fearfully In earnest about this
question.
II didn't mean It that way" declared
80 for heavens sake go on. I'm dying of
curiosity"
There, now. knew it." she laughingly
said.
Did you hear anything you shouldn't"
l asked eagerly. Was 1t any one Of the
jokes that Mr.. Kipling talks about when
he says there are but 40 In existence-39
of which cannot be told to ladies?"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
About Vocabularies

Signor dAnnunzio, the famous Italian
novelist and poet. has been exulting in
the extent of his vocabulary. MANY
people," he tells an interviewer. find 800
words sufficient for all the purposes of
writing and speaking. In my. works you
will find at least 1900 different words.
How many words fallen into dlsuse have
brought back to life! How many other
words have endowed with an entirely
new meaning!"
Signor d'Annunzio's vocabulary, II his
claim be correct, Is as extensive as was
that of William Shakespeare. which. &C.
cording to Max Muller. comprises about
1900 wards.
Milton got through on 5000 words and
the ordinary educated man finds from
1000 to 5000 enough for all purposes.
Literary and artistic circles were
startled and later amused the other day
by the announcement In one of the
papers that dAnnunzio was dead under
his mountain of debts. or course. this
was not true, and, in, fact, he is so well
that he is full of his new project to lee
ture in North and South America
D'Annunzios range of subjects Is not
extended and Is not yet definitely settled.
but according to report 1t seems that he
will lecture on Beauty" 1.-THE Art Of
Love-" '"'rhe Influence of Sex" and Tho
Poem of the Ocean," etc.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

goes criss-cross, and their happenings
would make an aeronaut's accidents seem
record-breaking flights.
If groans were panacea against hard
luck, we might perhaps endure them for
sweet charity's sake, but when they do
the victim no good and bore us, no
wonder we run from their sound. .-
Don't talk hard LUCK, nor think it, nor
feel 1t is bound your way. That Is as
sure a means of Turing 1t to you as
smearng dish with molasses and ex-
pecting flies to keep off.
Though you are certain that you are the
original hard tucker. keep your beliefs
as dark as If they were a family scan
dal.
There is no surer way to queer" your
self socially and in business than to pose
as hard Tucker. People fight as shy
of you as If you were placarded conta-
gion.
Smile away your hard luck
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
One Too Many Lodgers

From the Popular Magazine.
In the days when Col. Charles Edwards
former secretary of the democratic con-
gressional campaign committee, was
travelling for the One-spoon Baking Pow
der company, he reached a little SOUTH
ern town on one occasion when the only
hotel there was crowded. Edwards insist
ed he had to have room for the night,
and the clerk finally told him that there
was one room he could share with an
other man.
But" he concluded. you'll have to
sleep In the same bed with him.
Edwards agreed to this, and, as It was
late at night, went to the room he
thought had been assigned to him. He
hastily prepared for bed and quietly lay
down beside his bed fellow. Later In the
night he awoke and saw a man sitting
at the foot of the bed reading by the
light of a candle.
Great heavensl' exclaimed Edwards,
sitting up. Are they going to put q
third fellow into this bed?
Without word. but with a terrible ex-
preston or his face, the man who had
been reading dived through the window,
carrying with him most of the window
sash. Edwards looked around and saw
that the man he had been sleeping with
wrong room.
1T took nine negro farm hands," said
Edwards. in ending the story. ito round
up that literary fellow for breakfast in
the morning"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Nothing Bat Stale Jokes Heard By EaOeSdrOpper
Street Car


and before his Poggis and Bacon's, show
ing how our predecessors anticipated us"
| suggested
"Plutarchs Morals is full OF jests and
jocose anecdotes that are now fondly
thought contemporaneous. Turn to his
5Aporhegms or Remarkable Sayings of
Kings and Great Commanders, and you
will find this quip: A prating barber
asked Archelaus how he would be
trimmed "a.
'sArchelaus answered. TN silence
'"rhen read the Banquet of the Seven
Wise Men,, Englished by robert Davis,
A. M. and there sage says:
In this mistake however I'm much
Of the youths mind. who. throwing
stone at a dog, hit his stepmother, adj
ding, MY throw is not lost however" 3"
But what do you not find in Rlut-
arch?" said my friend. II read a short
time ago that learned divine in London
sale that garrulity is the cause of many
nervous diseases. and the increasing
amount of insanity that is noticeable, and
when l read 1t l thought he might do
we'll to consult Plutarch, who alludes to
such as the tautologizing babbler. who
is everywhere drunk-in the market
place. at the theatre. in the public por-
ticocs or deambulatories, as well by night
as bv DAY ~a4ii s,HIEFl ri
Just thirk. If the first Jokes could only
have beer suppressed, observed, then
the por mother-in-law, the summer
boarder. spring cleaning and the redoubt-
able goat would all have been spared the
notoriety which has been given them by
the joker and the rhymster."
Poor mother-in-lawl' sighed my friend
"She has surely served overtime as the
target for iokcs. And the cannibal mis-
sionary has done yoeman service, and
is older than the first missionary on rec
odd"
do you sup ose that Noah had Joke
before that Oldest one known to us
about
old Noah he had three sons
-Shem. Ham and Japeth,' ETC.. etc,
Or isn't that one of the prirnevals ?" I
questioned.
"Of conrse there were jokes before the
flood,' said my friend. Think of the
good material there was for them"
Then, we are. getting to the real orr
GIN" I suggested. "The three-seven-
eleven-or 22-were preserved in the ark. -
That reduces them to two." said my
friend. since that number of everything
only was allowed"
We'll, I feel sure that one of them was
about the elephant taking his trunk along
with him." I declared, T'for some on
locker In the Noah regime surely perpe
trated that old chestnut"
Mr.. and Mrs. Noah were bound to have
some sort of recreation" said my friend
loosely, and l believe they originated
the mother-in-law joke on the way to
Arrarar."
Then. dating from the flood" said
I'VE deduce the proposition to one name
ly. the mother-in-laW joke 1 suggested
But II we are mistaken, will Miss Rep
plier or Mr. Choate. or some other really
clever wit, not give to the world the
original others, whether three-seven-or-
eleven?"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

When Miss Agnes Repplier lectured at
the Colony club in New York not many
moons ago. her subject being, In THE
Mission of Humor," she said, among
other things, that she had been informed
that there were II original jokes in the
world which in itself takes issue with
Mr. Robert j. Burdette's statement, that
there were really only seven.
After Miss Repplier had had her little
say, Mr.. Joseph Fl. Choate, who, by the
way, got off a very clever and original
saying among his many friends. at din
ner party one eevning, by observing that
nobody ever took anything seriously after
the fish course. promptly arose and gal
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Il The Bluestocking Girl

Look in your heart and WRITE" m,
dear,
I can't advise you better: -.~e
Then your success Is more than clear,
If followed to the letter. *,
For If you look therein and write G4,si.
OF love you'll find aplenty, T''9l
For many heart you broke for spite
'Twixt sweet sixteen and twenty. :
You blush and say fmerely jest. --
All, no! speak sincerely,
And my advice you'll find the best
You could receive-or nearly y
Think not that any thought unkind
Toward you my reason smothers,
For looking in your heart you'll And
My scalp among the others.
Anonymous
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Adventures of a Pearl Necklace

An interesting story Of the adventures
of a pearl necklace of great value Is re-
ported from Urague. Germany.
The Baroness Lama. journeying from
the railway station to her villa, lost a
precious family heirloom. and although
the town was placarded with notices Of
fering a reward. all hope of its recovery
had been given up for several weeks
past.
Last week a working woman went to
the police and said her neighbor was
wearing a necklace which bore a resem-
blance to the missing one. The latter,
summoned to headquarters, said that
friends of hers, a filter, who had Travelled
on the same train on which the baron
ess had come to Prague, had found the
necklace and had given 1t to her own
little daughter as a plaything. and then
her eldest sister had taken It away and
worn it, as children will, without any
idea of its value. The woman finder"
received a reward of $125.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

English divorce commission that is trying
to work out a problem for the divorce
evil He recommended that magistrates
should have power to grant divorces to
poor persons, and thus save expense.
THE empaneling of a jury" said he,
should be permissive, and the jury
should be composed half of men and half
of women. That would prove something
in the nature of deterrent. have heard
persons often say that man would be
ashamed to go into court If women were
there to listen to what he had DONE
Magistrate Chapman thinks such sys
tenn would tend to lessen the number of
divorces. Evidently women do not flock
to divorce trials in England as they do
in America. The Bishop of London, how
ever, disagreed with Chapman. He OPP
posed strongly the extension of the ia
cilities for divorce.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

deign to repeat to say nothing of laugh
ing at them. And these two people ac-
tually enjoyed them. I thought what a
good time could have had IL had only
known them and could have told them
Not at ALL" she replied. Il was never
so disappointed In all my life. II fully
expected to hear something really quite
er-well, at least something clever. And
what do you suppose heard?"
Cant imagine" l said, eagerly But
Il you don't hurry and tell me I'll die"
They sat there for fully three-quarters
of an hour" continued my friend, land
ratified off the oldest, most chestnutty
jokes that nc self-respecting person would
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

a great deal to offer. what a lot of good
deeds would be left undone.
No matter how little you can do, do
it; it is better than doing nothing And
perhaps your little may mean quite
lot to the one helped. Even If you are
only able to give few kind words, or
smile. some one will be glad to have
them.
So don't imagine that 1t is not worth
while doing anything because you can
only do little. Do the best you can
and you Will possibly be surprised to
find how much your efforts are ap-
preciated.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
When to Shake Hands

When to shake hands is subject
which depends on circumstances, but
a few general rules may be given.
When a man Is introduced to lady
she does not shake hands with him
unless he is distinguished or great
deal older than herself. If he is the
husband or brother of the lady max
ing the introduction 1t is natural to
receive him cordially by shaking hands.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Englishwoman Is Church
Warden

A woman has just been appointed
church warden at Walsgram- on-Sowe,
In Warwickshtre. England. She Is the
ninth woman to hold such an office in
England. There is also one woman
sexton In a small church in Lincoln
shire. The office Is hereditary and has
been in her. family for more than 200
years. r.,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
SuperfIuous nail
Removed BY Discovery Constantly Used b.,
PHYSICIANS and 4urqsens.

DR.. Starbuck says: II feel justified in
cessiui method OF removing hair. Donr
waste time experimenting with Electrolysis
X-Rays and depilatoriess These are offered
and manufacturers. DeMiracle is not. II is
endorsed by physicians, surgeons. derma-
tologists. medical Journals, prominent maya
piain sealed envelope. You should read this
before you try anything. Write to DaMiracls
Chemical Co. Park Ave. 4 l2ath st.. Network
No honest dealer will Offer. guhstitute
e sold at all good stores. including 1,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

but 1t is not usual to do so II he Is
here acquaintance.
A hostess should shake hands with
all the guests who come to her house,
both on their arrival and departure.
Women do not shake hands when In
troduced to each other. but merely
bow. When. however, a young girl is
presented by friend to a married
woman the latter generally shakes
hands with her, but the girl should
not make the first advance.
Men shake hands when introduced to
each other as an expression of good
will.
When leaving an entertainment a
man shakes hands with the hostess,
and he may do SO with any friends
who are near, but he should not, OF
course, go about shaking hands gen.
orally.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

takes You soon may be caught tripping.
Don't imagine you know everything, for
you don't.
Don't expect acorns to become oak trees
in day or a year.
Don't lose faith In humanity because
you find an occasional bad egg"
Don't quarrel with circumstances or
fret over what cannot be altered. says
Home Notes.
Don't decide that Charity is a great
mistake because you have sometimes been
imposed upon.
Don't expect big things from small
mind.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Smile Away Hard Luck

We all know her-this victim Of hard
luck.
Generally we are bored to death with
her. Human sympathy is not 80 stretch
able, and. when it must cover perpetual
hard luck whines. soon bursts.
There do seem to be women who are
born under as evil star as o. Henry's
Phoebe hero. Everything they do or say
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
HOW TO HAVE
A CAPTIVATING FIGURE
and Be RID OF WRINKLES
FREE TO ANYONE !.

An American business woman of Prov
idence recently obtained possession of q
Japanese secret for form development and
wrinkle removing, which she tried ON
herself with astounding results. All hol-
lows in the neck and chest were quickly
filled in, and the bones were soon GOV.
cred with firm, but soft, yielding flesh.
The angles in the shoulders disappeared.
her bust increased In size several inches.
and was made firm. shapely and SYM
metrical Instead of small and flabby
The wrinkles In her face went
away as II by magic and her complexion
became clear and beautiful. Now she u
the admiration OF everybody.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
y Flowers for London

The flower crop in the Isles of Sicily
is very forward and some of the grow
ers are already picking narcissi. in a
few weeks time scores of tons of daft
fodils and other spring flowers will be
dispatched from the islands to London
-Woman's Life.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

free to any woman whose figure Is un-
developed or whose face is married by
lines and wrinkles full particulars Of
this simple method which will enable
you In the privacy of your own homo
captivating figure like the patron
whose picture Is shown herewith and
to make your face clear and radiant.
All our lady subscribers who wish to
be handsome and well formed will receive
full particulars absolutely free Of charge
Crowded they send 2-cent stamp or
stamped envelope for return POSTAGE. by
writing to Miss Janet Gilbert S5s q y
JIG Bldg, Providence, r. /
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
A PERFECT HUSBAND.
The Age-Herald's- Cook Book
PEACH CORRI.ER

Line deep dish with pie crust. NIL 1t
up with peaches sliced thin. and sprinkle
little brown sugar over the fruit. Cook
in moderate oven. then cover with a
meringue and set back in the oven till a
delicate brown. Serve either hot or cold.
preferably cold. Some people add a few
tablespoonfuls of wine to the fruit for
seasoning.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

might have If they would only take 1t.
Try to enjoy life as it is, for in SO do
ing you will be preparing yourself for
other opportunities of enjoyment that
comes. You must exercise your power
of enjoyment IL you want to keep it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
IA Thought

Don't be always thinking of and look
ing forward to good time that you
hope is coming in the future. Folk who
do this are apt to overlook the oppor-
tunities for happiness in the present and
to miss a good deal of pleasure that they
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Ny Lady Modish

POWERED TINSEL RIBBONS.
Some of the tinsel ribbons are them
selves rich in dainty flowers in color,
scattered over the filmy texture.