The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-03-31

| lutely Irresponsible unreliable, altogether
not-to-be-trusted sort of person,"
Terrible l exclaimed land l wouIdn t
stand for 1t minute If l were you'll |
certainly wouldn't let her use me for a
doormat and a fire escape combined, but
would show little spunk and see what
the turn of affairs would be. You men
have so little of that desirable quality,
anyway. and if you only knew 1t women
would like you ever so much better if you
| had"
But unfortunately 1.-THE unexpected" was
not to be cajoed for evidently what she
had said and done to him was ranking
deep in his manly bosom.
Had the young lady in question any
reason for treating you so abominably p
| ventured to inquire.
We'll, here's the whole case in a nut
she'll" said he dejectedly. II borrowed an
| umbrella from her one night about two
months ago and l forgot to return the
blamed thing, and have been wishing
ever since that l had gotten drenched and
drowned rather than have such thing
happenr
"Ah, I seer escaped me comprehend
| ingly.
II don't know why you say that" said
the man, docs anybody ever return an
umbrella?
Only a choice few, and they will have
a star or two added to their crown when
once st. Peter allows them to pass the
heavenly portals l suggested feelingly.
you seem to attach an immense
amount of Importance to such an act
said ne defiantly. Il do, and when | find
anyone who does that sort of thing I
treasure them as the jewel which Shake
speare says that he isl
I never read anything about a bor-
rowed umbrella in my Shakespeare" he
muttered savagely
Look again and see If there isn't some
thing about the jewel at least" | said
coaxingly, having Gagged the mere man
rather ruthlessly
I've discovered two tests of people
which are as conclusive as right and
wrong" l said feelingly.
And what is the other one besides tho
man who returns an umbrella?" ouoth he.
Inc woman who returns a borrowed
DOOR,, l said decisively. .These to NV
mind are two distinctive traits belonrIn =
10 either sex. and you may put me on
record as thinking the worst possible
.nines ABOUT any man, woman or child
VINO Is guilty of either. Why I want
10 tell You what happened to me-this
is personal experience which I am
very fond or relating, because / think II
mas moral that is quite worth while.
had couple of books that I loved
beyond almost anything I own, except
my copy OF Vanity Fair "A Tale of Two
Cities and The Mill on the Floss
THOSE being your favorites?" said he
inquiringly.
Decidedly" I replied. 1.-THE books
were Prosper Merlmee's Letters to
L lnconnue,' and the replies which are
rather hard to find, and not ready by
very many people. One day in talking to
friend of mine who is very booky, she
expressed a desire to read these books
and asked me If minded lending them
to her. l did decidedly but being a po-
lite person l said l would. Now bear in
mind that had read ard reread these
TWO books so much that they were worn
and faded and / had marked them all
over and written foot notes and all sorts
of things on them and I priced them
OH, more than anything. not even except
ing my billiken,' or my set of Kipling.
Months elapsed and still the books were
not returned. A year passed and ell
though we frequently talked of them.
never word said she about returning my
copies. Finally. after two years I asked
for them and what do you suppose she
said?"
Never could guess riddles" said the
mere man.
Why. she calmly replied that must be
mistaken in thinking 1 had lent them to
her as she had never seen my books"
well of all the unmitgated gall,
said the man. aghast
DO you wonder now that feel as l
DO about people who borrow books and
don't return them?" I asked
"But-er--er-what has that cot to 90
with umbrellas?', he said pensively.
He who runs may read" said l, quot
| ing, land If l were In your place I'd
| get so busy with that umbrella that time
| nor space nor tho heavens above no;
| the earth beneath nor the waters under
| the earth could prevent its immediate re-
| turn. It's precisely the same point that Is
| to be maintained when 1t comes to 4
| small point in morals, ror If one is par
| ticuar In small things the big things will
| take care of themselves
II believe YOU are right" said the man
snatching his hat and groves.
| Il know am and il you'll take my ad.
| vice you'll get that umbrella back 10
| its owner post hlste--it might have beer
| valued Christmas present or birthday
| gift from some one-and even If yol
| have to nire a tayicab and tie a bunch
| of violets on the handle of it, the UNI
brelIa must be returned
| And before | could ring down the droI
| curtain to this little scene the man hur-
| ried down the street towards florist. and
| / feel perfectly sure that the Worm
was persuaded to stay light where II be-
longed and not turn-at least until tne
| umbrella and the violets and the taxicap
and the man arrived.
|
Bryan In Barbndoes
Barbados, b. w. l.. March 3o.--Wiliam