The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-07-01

|
ton)-Bill waiter. Waiter-What did
4 you have, sir? Top (sarcastically)-I
haven't the faintest idea.
did you get in without your
wife hearing you last night?" mo.
and I didn't get in without hearing
her. either."--Houston Post.
"Who Is the gentleman seated in
the large touring carp" THAT is the
poet laureate Of we'll known biscuit
factory Birmingham Age-Herald.
/ do you think there is really any
such thing as platonic love?" Yes.
1t exists between most husbands and
their wives" Chicago Record-Herald.
Papa, what is faith?" well, my
boy. they say your baby brother sleeps,
but I've never seen him do 1t. Yet, IL
believe he does, that's faith. Life.
She Gas they dance)-I'm afraid I'm
firing you rather. He-Oh, not at all.
| I used to be attendant in the elephant
| house at the zoo.--Meggendorfer Blat-
ter.
Knicker-Jones is all the time want
ing more money. Bocker-No Won
der: his father was college president
and his mother was woman.-New
York Sun.
do you really believe this aviator
will come back to the starting point?"
''He won't dare do otherwise. His
wife is waiting for him there. File
gende Blaetter.
Vicar-And what induced you to
send for me, Mr.. Russett? Russell
| What's e say, Betty? Betty-'E says:
What the deuce did you send i'm
| for IN. A. p.
Why don't you teach your son les
son by making him live without his
allowance for while?" Goodness!
can't even make him live within It'll"
Cleveland Leader.
Lady-My cooking always tastes so
| good to you, and it never suits my hus-
band at all. Beggar--Well, why don't
you get a divorce and marry me?-
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
Il am plain-spoken man. said the
applicant for a job I'm afraid you
won't do" replied the railroad official.
I'VE are advertising for an experienced
train announcer ."-Philadelph Rec
ord.
Father" said little Rollo, what is
an epigram?" An epigram, my son,
as modernly propounded, is any SEN
tence containing less than two con-
functions and three commas" Wash
ington Star
Does she seem to take kindly to So
ciety ways, now that her husband has
made such pile?" "Oh, yes, indeed.
She was the loudest talker at grand
opera the other night. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
John" queried her husbands wife,
''if some bold, bad man were to kid
nap me would you offer a reward r.
"Sure thing" replied the wf1ee's hus-
band. Il always reward those who do
| me favor. Boston Courier.
| Inquisitive Lady.-And what is this
little box for? Nerve-Racked Clerk
Oh, for odds and ends! Inquisitive La
| dy-But 1t has two compartments. Why
is that? Nerve-Racked Clerk-One for
odds, madam, and the other for ends.
Harvard Lampoon.
Would it be any harm to deceive
her about my age?" inquired the elder
| ly millionaire. Probably moi" Pm
sixty How would it do to confess to
fifty?" Il think your chances would
be better with her if you claimed sew
entyive." kansas City Journal.
How nicely you have ironed these
things, Jane" said the mistress. ad-
miringly, to her maid. Then, glancing
at the glossy linen, she continued in a
tone of surprise: 'tOh, but see they
are all your own!" "Yes," replied
Jane, "and I'd do all yours just like
that If had time" Central Christian
| Advocate.
my brother. my poor brother!" she
moaned. as halfback was carried un-
conscious from the field. "Ah, but how
thankful we should be-" her escort, an
old player, cried gayly. Thankful!
Thankful for what?" exclaimed the
girl Thankful that 1t wasn't full
back" said he. I'VE haven't decent
fullback sub. you know Minneapolis
| Journal
Friend-So yours was a case Of love
at first sight? Mrs. Getthere Yes, in.
deed | fell desperately In love with
my dear husband the moment / set
| eyes upon him. remember 1t as dis
tinctly as If 1t were yesterday. / was
walking with papa on the beach at
Long Branch, when suddenly papa
stopped, and. point;Ag him out, said:
There. my dear. is a man worth ten
| millions. New York Weekly.
"Jane." said lady rather sharply
| to her cook, II must Insist that you
keep better hours and that you have
less company in the kitchen at night.
Last night you kept me from sleeping
because Of the uproarious laughter of
one of your woman friends" "Yis.
mum, know was the Apologize re-
ply: "but she couldn't help it ! was
a-tellin' Of her how you tried to make
cake one day."-Ladies' Home Jour