Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1910-08-04
JUST LIKE A WOMAN.
Knew She Was Going To Die and Got
Mad When Sign Failed.

-
you want to-" remarked the horse doc
tor, but there's something to them
just the same. Oh.
1.-The other morning." he went on,
Il walked under ladder that was
leaning against the house and my
wife told me I'd have bad luck all day,
and she was right. l fell into els
tern and a dog bit me on the leg lana
my wife's aunt came to spend two
weeks with us, and the home team
lost the game. and l was stuck for
81 that | had bet
"All those things would have hap
pened if you hadn't walked under the
ladder" said the Deputy Sheriff. Il
haven't much faith in superstiti"ns,
and I'm glad of it. People who take
stock in that sort of thing are al
ways worrying and walking the floor
Everything that happens is an omen
OF calamity.
You all remember my first wife
that tall, fine-looking woman who car
ried around an ear trumpet. She mad
been deaf since childhood, and | was
just easy enough to spend hundreds
of dollars to have her hearing re-
stored. The doctor made such good
job OF it that she could hear hen
cackling in the next county. ! never
saw anybody who could hear as she
could. When she got her hearing back
my troubles began. She was always
hearing things that portended death
and ruin.
1.-THE fact that none of her pre-
dictions ever came true didn't seem
to worry her. She just kept on, plan
ming work for the coroner and I'M
dertaker and her enthusiasm seemed
to increase every time she made
mistake The curious thing was that
she never predicted anything pleas
ant All her prophecies had reference
to graves and epitaphs and dead mems
bones.
well. one evening ! went home from
hard days work and found my wife
moaning and wringing her hands.
She was SO agitated that it was some
time before she could tell me what
was wrong.
FINALLY | learned that she had been
taking little walk in the suburbs
in the afternoon and she heard whip
poorwil singing To hear a whippoac-
will singing in broad daylight, she
said was a certain sign that you
would die inside of a year. All her
previous predictions had made three
days the limit.
From that day forth she ceased
| to take any interest in frying pc
| tatoes or sewing up the holes in my
overalls, or other housewifely chores.
She had made up her mind that she
tl,o l;1y,Ia 1xrith lin
and she lust spent all her time get
ting things in shape for her funeral
"She wrote out a list of people who
! were to sing at the service, and she
composed an epitaph nearly as long
as Millions Paradise Lost and said
| it must be engraved upon her monu-
ment She planned out everything, to
| the last detail. and l was doing the
| homework and cooking my own vic
| tuals and wishing the year would hur-
nv up and make it's getaway. The
thing that exasperated me was the
| knowledge that if I hadn't spent all
| that money doctoring her ears she'd
| never have heard that doggoned whip
| poorwill.
| well. the year finally wound itself
up, and my wife was still on deck
and enjoying better health than she'd
! ever known before. Her gentle eX-
ercise preparing for her funeral hao
agreed with her, and she looked like
the senior wrangler of a physical cul-
ture establishment. Do YOU suppose
| she was glad and thankful that the
| whippoorwill had proved itself false
| alarm? She was as mad as wet
| hen. and she became so peeVish tha'
! it was trial to be in the same house
with her. She seemed to blame me
| for it, somehow York Even
| ing Journal.