Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-06-19
49, 1910
Batting It Up to Torchy
Continued Dum
Continued Prom page 9

he's quittin' because he's too straight to cook
up the books the way you told him.
Cook up the books" gasps Old Hickory,
gettin' raspb'ry tinted in the face and dis
playin' neck veins like truck horse Hes
been welshing, has he? Perhaps he'd like to
turn States witness2 Well, by the great
sizzling skyrockets, if that's his trick, I'll
give him enough Of"
Excuse me, Mr.. Ellins," breaks in,
"but you're slippin' your clutch. Tricks!
Why, he amt even wise to what you want
him to do it for. All he knows is that it's
crooked, and he renigs on general PROPOSE
ton. And, say, when a mans as straight as
that, with the workhouse starin' him in the
face, he's too valuable to lose, amt he?"
"Wha-a-at?" gurgles Old Hickory.
Besides" says l, hurryin' the words to
get 'em all out before any violent scene
breaks loose, KNOWN all he does about
them Mutt & Mudd checks, and with what
he don't know about the case, it wouldn't
be hardly safe to have him roamin' the
streets, would it? Now l leave it to you"
Say, l was lookin Old Hickory right in
the eye, ready to dodge the inkstand or any
thing else, while was putin that over and
for minute l thought it was comm sure
But while he can get as hot under the collar
as anyone l ever saw, and twice as quick, he
don't go clear off his nut any of the time -
Young man" says he, calmin' down and
motiOnin' me to chair, as usual, you seem
to be more or less we'll informed on this mat
ter yourself. Now let's have the rest of it,"
And just like that, all of sudden, it's
batted up to me. So | lets it come with all
the details about Uncle Dudley's frosty home
life, and the reformer son out West that still
thinks father is maxim good. He sits there
and listens to every word too. Not that he
fb0 hot, c,r1
signs of being troubled by mist in the eve
corners. He just throws in an occasional
grunt now and then and drums his fat finger
tips on the chair arm.
HUH" says he. Babes and sucklings!
But I've had worse advice that has cost me
a lot more. Well, suppose an old fool like
that is dangerous to have drifting around.
But l don't want him here just now, either.
Um-m-m! Where did you say this son of
his lived?'
Just out of Los Angeles" says 1.
"All right" says Old Hickory. Tell him
he goes west Tuesday as travelling auditor to
our second vice president. He'll bring up at
Los Angeles about the middle of the month
and about that time it may happen that
he'll be retired on full pay. But I'll keep
this resi- gnation, as a curiosity"
NOV don't ask me to describe how old
~ Dudley takes it; for when he gets the
full particulars of the decision it near keels
him over. And what part of it do you say
tickles him most? That the books don't
have to be juggled!
1t wasn't like Mr.. Ellins to countenance
an act of that sort, not in the least" says he,
land l am very glad that he has changed
his mind
Say, Dudley" says I, YOU'RE wonder,
you are"
And it was all l could do to keep from
askin' him if he thought he owned the only
bottle of ink eradcator there was in New
York.
Do know who did fix up them entries?
Well, by the nervous motions of a certain
party next mornin', 1 could give guess
"Piddie," says l, IF they ever get you on
the stand, you want to wear interferin pads
between your knees, so they won't hear the
bones rattle"
ODD SHAVING HABITS
TT is said that of men who shave themselves