davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
TUain's Last Business Joke

National bank of New York city Not
only were they business friends, but
they had had in common many literary
friends, now nearly all dead, and Mark
Twain used to enjoy exchanging anec-
dotes and personal recollections of
them.
Il suppose" said General James to
me day or two after Mark Twains
death, that the last humorous bust
ness communication Mark Twain ever
made are those which came to me
from him a few weeks ago. They were
written soon after his arrival in Ber-
muda, whence he returned to die For
years he Kept a personal account in
our bank, and he was eccentric, al
most, in his requests for the kind of
money with which his checks were
honored
Early in February l received let
ter from him dated January 80, Bay
House, Hamilton, Bermuda. 1t was
very brief and representative of nu-
merous other Twain business letters
we have on file. 1t read as follows:
Dear General:
Please send me $50 Send it in
silver American quarter pieces. Don't
send old rusty ones. Send bright and
white and new ones just out of the
mint. | have special use for them.
I inclose check. Sincerely your,
MARK TWAIN
What in the world Mark Twain
wanted with 200 bright, white and
freshly minted American quarters l
could not surmise. He used to like
occasionally to jingle coin in his
pocket while talking, and maybe he
wanted this new, fresh money to fun
bic with as he talked. Then, again.
maybe he wanted it for tips. | don't
know. But, anyway, We sent him the
$50 requested in newly minted quar-
tiers, notifying him that it had gone
forward by Wells-Fargo express. Two
weeks later, received this letter:
Dear General:
The parcel Of money shipped to
me per Wells-Fargo express February
has not yet arrived. l thought I
would just mention this to you in pass
ing sometime. But on second thought
l will mention it to you mainly to put
you on your guard against sending
anything to Bermuda or elsewhere by
any express company, because l have
learned that the persons connected
with those companies have been dead
so years. This often causes much de-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
Wasted Sarcasm.

The Philadelphia milk dealers who
recently raised the price of their
product to nine cents a quart and then
lowered it again to eight appear to
have been the subjects of a great deal
of unjust censure. They announced
at the time of the raise that milk
could not be sold at eight cents with
out loss. Finding that the consumers
would not pay the new price, however,
they are continuing to sell at the old,
thereby qualifying as genuine philan.
thropists. Every purchaser of milk
at eight cents a quart will doubtless
hereafter feel that he is an object of
charity.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

which was found envelopeG in the
tentacles of young octopus. When
brought to the surface its body was
swollen like a balloon. DR.. J. E. NAL
ney, the ships surgeon, who exam
ined it, said he believed the fish was
choked by the hold of the octopus.
The section of cable upon which all
this strange life was found had been
down 10 years at a depth of a mile
and half. The specimens which
have been preserved are to be handed
over to the Smithsonian institution
for scientific study.-Seattle Post-in,
telligencer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
A Strong Preacher.

The minister's eight-year-old daugh-
ter was returning with her parents
from church, where the district super
intendent had that morning occupied
the pulpit.
"Oh, father" asked the little girl.
her face alive with enthusiasm, don't
you think Brother C. is a very strong
preacher? l do"
Gratified by this evidence of un-
usual intelligence on the part Of his
offspring, the minister eagerly in
CURED into her reasons for her state
ment.
"Oh," replied the little miss. artless-
ly, didn't you see how the dust rose
when he stamped his feet? "-Judge.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

way down to the waist line At gala
performance in Paris given by the
Metropolitan Opera company OF New
York-the most successful perform
ance Paris ever saw, and one whereat
$4,000 was gained for the Pluviose
victims-many of the beautiful Ameri-
cans in the $40 orchestra seats wore
these daring gowns, and now at New
port they are often to be seen.
Mrs. Oelrichs stared at one with as
founded eyes at dinner, and her
neighbor said:
Isn't that new gown of Mrs. Blank S
a dream? Old Mr. Blank is so de-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
deep as that, and so on.

deep as that, and so on.
The mission was looking hopeless
when suddenly she darted from the
shop and seized passing gentleman
by the hand
VIII you please come into this shop
with me9" she asked innocently.
Certainly, my chicka5iddy," he re-
piled, IF l can be of any use. What
is it?"
The little girl replied not, but led
the wondering stranger to the counter.
There, miss" she said, triumphant
ly. Mother wants some ribbon the
color of this gentlemans nose"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

want Of medical help and the priya-
tons of every kind to which they are
exposed; the indescribably filthy state
of the towns and houses, the lack Of
real privacy and quiet. In most in
stances the missionary occupies a
Chinese house, with mud floor
straw bed, paper windows, devoid of
every kind of comfort. Catholic
World.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
ODD FISH FROM THE DEPTHS
Strange Marine Forms Brought Up
With Deep Sea Cable Sunk
for Ten Years,

Strange monsters the like Of which
have seldom been seen by man were
dragged from a depth of $500 feet by
the crew of the cable ship Burnside
when they repaired the Alaska cable
off Mt. st. Elias last month.
The Burnside is moored at its buoy
in Elliott bay after two months of re-
pairing and relaying the cables of the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

a tune on 1t, just to keep his hand in
and his spirits up? | was pretty busy
just then helping the clerk lock up
and sweep out for the night, but
didn't want to be a brute
Come round at o'clock l said.
and you can play all night if you
want to-
He was Johnny on the spot. Poor
devil. amt got over it yet, the way
he made that old fiddle talk. It used
some mighty plain language too.
1T cursed and it swore, it laughed
and it cried. When the man stopped
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

CT. 1T was fiddle you heard Must
have sounded kind Of spooky saving
away in this old junk shop ar II
O'Clock at night. Made me feel spooky
myself Sentimental, too. l amt got
over the sentiment yet Ffddle's been
in pawn for pretty near year. Last
night, just before closing time, the
chap that pawned it came shutting in
" Fiddle all right?" he asked.
didn't; hadn't money enough for that,
but he was sick for a sight of his old
pal. Wouldn't l let him see it-play
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
AS 1T APPEARED TO HER
Mrs. Oelrichs Evidently Didn't Think
Much of Mr.. Blanks Earning
CapacitY.

Mrs. Herman Oelrichs, the best
dressed woman in Newport, criticized
very pertinently, at a recent dinner.
the new dinner gowns of Paquin and
Cabot
These clinging and filmy gowns are
chiefly remarkable for the Vshaped
back that they possess. The VT is
incredible, but it is true-opens all the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

playing l was that wrought up that
was on the point of letting him take
the fiddle home, money or no money.
Want to know why | didn't? So
he'd come again Sure he'd come,
and when he does l am morally GER
tain that I'll have an old pawn ticket
on my hands with neither fiddle nor
money to show for it,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
Mileage of Blood Circulation.

The mileage of the blood circulation
reveals some astonishing facts. 1t
has just been calculated for instance
that assuming the heart to beat SO
times minute at ordinary pressure
the blood goes at the rate of FOG yards
in minute, or nine miles an hour,
227 miles a day and $4,000 miles a
year. If man "a years old could
have but one single blood corpuscle
floating in his blood all his life it
would have travelled in that time near
ly 100000 miles.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
PUT SPELL ON PAWNBROkER
Chance of Getting His instru-
n1ent Back.

Hear any noise about my place
last night? asked the pawnbroker.
First the man upstairs said NO"
but upon second thought he added:
Come TO think of it, | believe l did
hear some music that seemed to come
from down there somewhere"
Sure you did," said the pawnbrok-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
False Report.

NO" said the politician who was
hobbling around on crutches, there is
no truth in the rumor''
What rumor?" we asked
The one to the effect that broke
my leg in trying to get away from an
office that was seeking me- lie an
swered.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
Calls Attention,

"a fellow up east is trying to an
vent noiseless lawn-mower."
1T wouldnt sell"
And why not?"
The noise lawn-mower makes ad.
dertises a mans industry"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
Practical Matchino

What the little girl with the Is cents
in pennies wanted was some red rib
bon of a particular shade for her moth
er. She knew the shade, but she
couldn't explain it and all she could
say was, it wasn't that, no, nor that;
1t was deeper than that, and not so
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

Friendships begin with liking or
gratitude-roots that can be pulled up.
Mothers love begins deeper down
George Eliot.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

ticular success was a blind man, in
whose hands the rod is said to have
done marvels.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

value and exploit him in novels or
plays where ''southerner" is a nee
essary part of the stage machinery
Everybody's Magazine
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01
Yours ALWAYS,

s. L. CLEMENS
Wasn't that characteristic of Mark
Twain? 1t was the last letter l re-
ceived from him, and l presume it
was the last business letter he wrote"
Copyright. 1910, by E. j. Edwards)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-01

Another strange marine creature is
shaped like an octopus but has at
least two dozen tentacles instead of
eight. Many octopuses were found
clinging to the cable, but they were
thought too common to preserve.
While sections of the cable pulled
up for inspection were found covered
several feet deep with strange plants
and animal life, seaweed, black in
stead of green, sponges and sea
urchins predominated.
Probably the strangest creature
found on the cable was flesh colored
fish not more than four feet long,
voted. They say that everything he
makes goes on his wife's back"
Mrs. Oelrichs, her eye fixed on the
COWS terrible V, said with a smile:
We'll. he must be making very lit
tie, then"
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05
s" of St. Mary's Avenue Church Solve Boy Problem

tons generally presumed It to be. Thus
bug-bear OF former years is at once
eliminated and instead OF being saved as
brand from the burning in later life, the
boy grows up a churchman In whose career
no eleventh hour repentance is necessary.
There was a time in the history of this
country when the children were effectually
sauelcEed.
Children should be seen and not heard
was a famous maxim OF that old era.
Speak when you're spoken to-"
In those days the children we're ex-
pected TO go to church. OF course. In fact,
ehurch-going was compulsory Moreover.
hey were, as general rule, forced to
read several chapters of the Bible every
sunday The Bible idea still prevails, but
Instead OF reading being inflicted in the
nature Of punitive measure, 1t is made
pleasure.
Then, the boy was taught by inference
that he was nobody--that the less seen or
heard OF him. the better
Now he Is taught that he isNsomebody,
and is made to feel at ease when in the
presence OF his elders.
So much for the enlightenment that time
has brought
The Grand Bouncers and others Of their
kind simply herald the fact that the boy
has at last come into his own.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05
When Nerves Come to Typist

like to bother with It and will probably
tell you it will not do good work made
lighter, but do not let him dissuade you
skilled repairman once told me that
there was no reason why any machine could
not be adjusted to suit any touch. That
for his part he would rather accommodate
the machine to the writer with light touch
than to one who pounds. All you need "
TO insist upon It.
The machine once having been adjusted,
keep 1t clean. You will be surprised how
soothing an effect 1t will have on your
nerves-through your finger tlps-if you
dust your machine every day and keep it
we'll oiled and protected from dampness
Damp weather is fatal TO the smooth run
ming OF any machine, so get into the habit
OF covering II though for short absences.
When 1t must stand near open window
when not in use, In addition TO ehs usual
cover or tin lid throw a piece Of rubber
sheeting over the top
See that the keys are those that least
affect tho nerves The ordinary glass
topped steel trimmed keys are much harder
on the fingers than the bone ones. while
those covered with rubber are easier yet.
- The one objection TO these last Is that the
letters wear off II one has trained her
self TO the touch system that will make no
difference. There are also contrvanccs for
slipping on the finger tips that will lessen
the nerve strain of constant humping
Chicago Tribune.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05

are now planning a hay-rack ride, followed
by banquet in the near future
They are also building a tennis court on
vacant lot next to the church and II is
expected that some champions will devotion
there They are talking of forming a base
oal team to compete with the teams from
other church clubs They plan TO go camr.
ing for week during the summer vaca.
ton.
Other Omaha churches also have their
boy organizations. and the plan is said
to be working nicely
Pastors, doctors, teachers and others
who have made a study of boy nature
agree that the normal boy must have
action of some kind. His very nature
spurs him to be up and doing IL he re-
laNes 1t is a symptom of illness or soma
abnormal condition OF mind or body.
Action! Always moving. always going,
always doing something That's the bow
or It, Therefore. while the boys habits
are yet plant, while he is undergoing the
formative process, while he is shaping tho
habits that will guide his future destiny.
1t is agreed by all who have studied the
question that since there must be- some
outlet for the boys pent up energy. since
he must be dealt with as a dynamo. II IL
we'll to encourage him in Joining some
church organization where there is plenty
OF latitude for boylsh sport yet where his
scope is so limited that he may be checked
on first appearance of dangerous reckless
ness.
Such clubs as the Grand Bouncers" meet
the emergency. While sheltered by the
church, there is nothing Of the long-faced
pesslmistc' depressing influence. The boys
are taught that religion and happiness go
hand in hand, and it is not necessary to be
luGubrious just because they are asso-
ciated with a church. In this way, the
boys religious training is begun so early
in youth that it comes natural to him to
take up church work in later life He learns
in the beginning that church is not dis
NAL place, as the youth of previous genera
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05
Omaha Girl of Sixteen Breaks Typewriter Record

IA, for she is small for her years, has a
childish face and still wears the simple
short dress denoting baby girlhood. She
was abashed when informed that she had
made record that would cause talk in all
the schools and typewriter offices Of the
country, and that her picture would be in
the newspapers. Until she became a stu
dent in Boyles college, January 3. of this
year, she had never touched typewriter,
and knew absolutely nothing as to the
mechanism of the machine. Neither did she
know even the first principles of short
hand. Although she is by no means yet
graduate of the school, she does work both
in manipulating the machine and in taking
shorthand notes that would do credit to
many an old-time stenographer.
The Brown trophy, which was won by
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05

coffee merchant, who is responsible for the
establishment of these novel hotels for
young men and young women who work
for their living. has promised to give a
fine wedding supper for the six couples
who met their fate over the tables in the
main cabin of the Stamler, where seventy
five girls and fifty young men meet every
evening at dinner. A dance will be held
upon the main deck, with the aid of an
orchestra provided by Mr.. Arbuckle
At present the two floating hotels ara
at the flood tide OF prosperity and are full
filling the best hopes Of Mr.. ArbuckIe. The
girls pay $3.50 week for their rooms and
meals, and the young men pay $3.50 They
all meet at dinner in the large cabin Of the
Stamler, and after dinner they sit upon
the hurricane deck or dance on the main
deck, while a smoking room is provided
for those young men who are shy of
watching the. moon rise over the East
river with the girls.
Up to the present time Il has been thu
rule that the young men retire to their
vessel. moored alongside the Stamer, at
1890 In the evening, but now that summer
is at hand. and an orchestra plays all even
ing on the recreation pier adjoining Man
ager Shelley says he is going to let the
young folk stay up until II 80 IL they wish
I'VE are certainly having an epidemic OF
marriages." said the manager, but how
can that be helped? We have a fine lot OF
girls between the ages of 1G and %. and a
fine lot of men about the same age No
married persons are allowed and no old
persons, as we figure that they would not
enjoy the same amusements as are popular
with our present boarders."
A number OF tents recently were erected
upon the hurricane deck, each containing
two cots, for the accommodation of working
girls who feel they would like to sleep prac-
tically in the open air. Two pianos have
been donated, SO the young men and women
may have music in the cabin or on the
open decks, and scarcely a Sunday passes
that Mr.. Arbuckle does not call at the
floating hotels to see how every one is
getting along.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05

marry. Hoffman and Miss Domke planned
their marriage in 1895. In that year Hoff-
man obtained his license in Cook county.
Recently he astonished Judge Frank Green
in West Hammond by pulling a weather
beaten, dilapidated paper from his pocket.
There's my license" he said as he led
the blushing bride of 50 before the judge
and handed the paper to him.
Whats this?' gasped the judge. dated
1895. Been all this time getting from Cook
county to West Hammond?"
NO" stammered the groom, my children
wouldn't let me marry, and we kept putting
it off, until today we decided to elope.
You see, I've been married before and
have three boys, and they didn't like the
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05

Master Woodson of Chicago, is a hand
some cup. 1t was offered by G. W. Brown,
a school man of Jacksonville. Ill. Young
Woodson came to Omaha from the Select
School of Typewriting, Chicago, and, ac-
cording to the rules of contest laid down
by the doner. the cup shall be held as an
honor trophy by the school to which the
winner belongs until the next meeting of
the Commercial Teachers association, at
which time it shall be returned to the as
ISOLATION and again subjected to contest
under the same rules governing previous
contests. Any school winning the cup
five years in succession shall be allowed
to retain 1t as a permanent possession.
A prominent feature of the Brown con-
test is the fact that none except beginners
In typewriting and shorthand are permitted
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05
From Sawdust to Golddust

The richest OF all showmen was p. t.
Barnum, whose estate was worth more
than SS,OO0,OOO He had good investments
in real estate In Bridgeport and in New
York, in addition to his circus interests.
The right to use his name in connection
with THE Greatest Show on Earth" alone
was worth a small fortune. His partner,
James A. Bailey, left moro than 81, 0OO, 900;
likewise. James l.. Hutchinson, who COM
pleted the famous trio, whose names have
flashed from bill boards the world over,
Adam Forepaugh died very rich. w. w.
Cole who was a great circus man In his
day. and who is now a resident of New
York is a millionaire. The Sells Bros.
Uouls, AL, Peter and Ephralm) built up a
fortune OF several millions and left their
families with big estates. These successes
are in contrast with the poverty stricken
end OF some of the circus leaders of other
days, notably Dan Costello and "Yankee's
Robinson.
But the wonder chapter in modern circus
annals is the record of the Ringlngs.
Thirty years ago these five brothers jAl,
Charles, John, Otto and Alfred To were
"trouplng' with few horses, a few dens
of animals and providing the music them
selves. Today they own the three greatest
circuses, the one which bears their name,
the Barnum & Bailey show and the Sells
Forepaugh circus, and dominate the BUSH
ness. These three circuses represent a
total investment of approximately $1,000, 900.
They have brought the commercial and
artistic organization of the circus up to it's
highest and cleanest efficiency. And. in
cldentally, they have proved that a goodly
quantity of gold dust can cling to the saw
dust.-The Bookman.
Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1910-06-05

oreat Biscuit Wayne Murphy; secre-
'"iF' Wyman Beebe; treasurer, Park lar
mon sergeant-attarms, Phil Downs and
viii Kiewit.
S custom OF the club to give quarterly
pahquets. These are spreads of more than
the ordinary pretensions. Four courses
are served in the most approved style. and
e@ch member has the privilege of escorting
some young lady friend to the feast.
In rather conservative way, the bows
are branching out into. the amusement
held Last December thel club brought the
Knox Glee club of Galesburg, Ill, to Omaha
Tor an entertainment. April % they gave
minstrel show in the church parlors, at
winch the standing room only sign was
out There were twenty men in the circle
besides the end men and interlocutor. This
snow was such success that IL was re-
peated by request on May IL, for the bene-
Ilt OF the library committee of. the Young
Women's Christian association. The bovs