davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
QUAKER MEDTTATTONs.

LF'rom the Philadelphia Record.1
The actors favorite role-the pay
roll.
Detectives like variety. They are the
spies of life
The peacemaker is often a busybody
in disguise.
The golfer remembers the Sabbath
day to keep it hole-ly.
The girl who wants to ACQUIRE a strik-
ing personality might use a punching
bag.
Even when it cries the father of a
first baby always thinks it's bowling
success.
The man who never profits by his
own mistakes can't expect to profit by
those Of others.
A Manayunk spinster says that lots
of affection Is wasted on a man that
would be appreciated by a pet dog.
Hoax-"Wigwag complains that he
can never keep a dog long" Joax-
why doesn't he try a dachshund?''
Nell-'Mrs. Talkalot is the busiest
woman I know" BELIEVES, she is
too busy to attend to her own bust
ness"
Wigg-"Now that young Saphedde
has come into a fortune I suppose he'll
go in for all sorts of extravagances."
Wagg-'fYes, he has started already.
He was married the other day."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Clare Collins, a 5-year-oId boy of Ar
rington, says his father has lots OF
Christmas "Valentines'' at his drug
store.
According to the Kansas City Star,
a new song on the kerosene circuit is
entitled: If They Put Beer in Nursing
Bottles Some Men Would Be Babies
Yet.
It occurs to the Jewell County Re-
publican that the value of a second
hand auto and a secondhand husband
depends considerably on who's been
running them.
The Pumpkin Pie Editor of the
Chase County Leader waxed en-
thusiastic in last weeks issue over the
exhibition of a rs pound pumpkin in
one of the store windows at Cotton
wood Falls.
With prices of meat tumbling Editor
Austin of the Chase County Leader
has an idea that it won't be long now
before newspaper editors and boarding
houses can afford a sirloin or porter
house steak for Sunday instead of the
daily soup bone.
ITO go with your cranberry sauce
you want a turkey" advertises a
butcher in the Caldwell News. This Is
reminiscent of the man who took a
suspender button into a tailor's shop
and asked the tailor If he would please
sew pair of pants on it.
Commenting on the fact that Colonel
Roosevelt has received $4,000 letters
since election day the Washington
Palladium, estimating the population
of the nation at &c, 900, 900, respectfully
calls attention to the fact that there
are 95 1882, 900 persons in the country
who did not take the trouble to write
the colonel.
We know one fond mother, says the
Smith County Pioneer, who, before she
| leaves home for a week, has to do up
the family wash and ironing, and bake
| bread, pies and cakes to last during
her absence. And yet in the family
she leaves at home there is daughter
25 years old, but she knows practical
ly nothing of housekeeping. She can
only play the piano, receive company
and make the fudge. And yet moth
ers go on wondering why the most de-
sirable and eligible young men shy at
| matrimony.
The Chase County Leaders Home
and F'ireside Editor is in a dilemma,
week we related an instance of bach
elor down at Chanute who starved to
| death. We did this by the way OF
warning to other bachelors with the
| hopes they might mend their ways be-
| fore 1t was too late. Now comes the
story from LaHarpe-a neighborinG
| town-of a man who was blessed with
a spouse and a home who has Just run
off and hid himself in some dark and
| lonely spot because his spouse has been
kicking him and beating him with her
| fists every morning before breakfast.
| Truly. the way of unfortunate man Is
| hard and his path is strewn with cock
| leburs. What can the Home and Fire
side Editor advise his unhappy tribe?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe. ]

Occasionally a doctor is noted for
encouraging wealthy women to be sick.
OF course it's not a sin for a woman
to spit, but how unladylike 1t looks!
We find that the surest way to re-
member a disagreeable thing is to try
to forget it.
What will the future bring you ?
Probably another pitiful demonstra-
ton of your weaknesses.
IF we were a drunkard, we would
prefer to go it alone; we wouldn't
want a wife and children crying
around.
It is very common to find a man
who says wise things, and does foolish
ones. But that's no reason why you
shouldn't accept his wisdom.
The balk billiard champion possibly
can make it pay, but there is some
question as to whether he is doing
much to help the rest of the world.
When an old lady says. st never had
any help in raising MY children" It
means that her married children are
imposing upon her with THEIR chill
dren.
If you think you can buy stock be-
low par that will net you a profit OF
40 per cent on par value, you are a
fool, and cause the postoffice depart
ment good deal of worry.
We gather from the magazines
which always do their Christmas print
ing early. that about the usual number
of men are going to get safety razors
and suspenders this year.
Every man in his relation to every
other man is a hypocrite; he pretends
to be better than he is, and the other
man detects him in the deception
though he pretends to be deceived.
Old men are divided into two classes
the rich, who are imposed upon an6
talked" about for being rich; and the
| poor, who are neglected and talked
| about for being poor.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
Renovating Paris.

1t is no easy matter to be married in
France. One great thing in favor of SO
sacred a ceremony is that it cannot be
hastily performed. 1t is an event re-
curing months of preparation, Of the
signing of endless papers, the certifi-
Gates of birth, and the consent of par
ents, until at last the wedding day,
which has been arranged for to the en-
tire satisfaction of every one concerned,
including the legal authorities, arrives.
If marriage is difficult, divorce is even
more So There are no such romantic
and youthful adventures as clipping on
a SIP capital-handing ten to the &C
commodating parson and wiring for
forgiveness with the change.-Success
MAGAZINE.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

frou of approaching skirts reached his
ears distinctly.
Whats the trouble. Tom7" cues
toned laughing voice. you nave
the expectant look of successful
hunter who has freed valuable game.
Forester recognized the voice as
that of Mrs. Collins
I've freed something" growled her
husband. Here I've hired man 10
prune these trees-a professional Ior-
to the job. Said some one else refuses
to come down and arbitrate.
How absurd" modulated another
voice-one richer, deeper and, withal,
younger than that of Mrs. Collins. A
little trill of laughter came up to the
TN come down now" he called still as
Stunning the gruf tone.
And he did.
Your came in surprise from a very
Even T. assured the disheveled young
ones baiefui glare RE with ithuD' bland smile.
Before we begin the peace treaty wish
to assure this probably very. enicient
Letting for his job"
The professional cast a keen eye over
the shipped limb and the trees above
.'Humr' he said grudgingly. mot bad
JOB at that young un."
But began Mrs. Collins.
You are responsible"
But-but 1 expected the forester, and
Tom called me up and told me to wait
for"
Lee Forester" interrupted the male
Collins. Lee Forester, my dear, not
the forester. Mr. Forester is your sis
ter's most sedate and most engaged young
man-her fiance. He and Florence came
in from Fairtown on the morning train.
You evidently ran across Flo as she was
coming from that subtle rousseau ex-
cursion, but before that you
Put young millionaire to work mutt
lating trees!' gasped Mrs. Collins. well,
I never!'
Miss Florence Moreland, who had been
separated from Forester for the better
part of three hours. gazed adniringly al
the youth.-(Copyrighte 1910, by Associ-
ated Literary PressO
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
HVMOR OF THE Day

i've just been reading about the power
OF the will It's q wonderful thing
will that makes six children and seven
teen grandchildren be good."-Kansas City
Journal.
vainly tried to masticate his Texas round
steak, lis the most unkindest cut of ALL
After this, of course, it was only ques-
ton of time before they assassinated him
Stanford University Chaparral
What do you suppose would be the first
effect of a law giving women the right to
vote?" 1.-The abolition of the practice of
searching women for concealed valuables
Record-Herald.
The editor wrote: Dear Madam: The
verses entitled The Kiss are very clever.
Can you assure me that they are orig
inal?' The authoress answered; Sir:
tion."-Cieveland Leader
1.-THE first year we were married we had
more than twenty; the next year we had
ten; this year we have had only four"
What are you talking about?' inquired
the other lady. "Quarrels or cooks?"-
Caesar waved aside the kingly crown.
man with the camera?'- ne asked i'm
patiently. out at the ball park. taking
snapshots Of Wagner" explained the by
sentation of a great deed lost to posterity.
Chicago Tribune.
Seaside Visitor (admiring a seasuiD-
How nice and clean he looks Boatman-
All, ma am, IL you spent as much time in
the water as he does, you'd look clean,
too.-Punch.
Your enemies are calling you boss"
Yes" replied Senator Sorghum. What
are you going to do for itP'' ''weli, in
order to avoid being called a gutter or a
Star. MY SH' - '''' D-'' =" a'A'is 'On
hair brush to the caller. IT'S the best one
bristles are. long and firm, you see. and
they go right down to the frolics at the
root of the hair. "-Chlcago Tribune.
Jewett-And what is that5 Hewitt
ture or take q correspondence course in
grafting.-New York Press.
Ted-Your friend is talking about buy
ing motor car, but he seems hard TO
please. Ned-He's trying to get one that
will go as fast as a taxicab meter.-New
York Times.
waiter-wrl you have coffee. sir? Diner
cago Record-Heraid.
.Blopbs-I don't know what to make Of
that boy OF mine He's never around
when he is wanted. Slobbs-why don'f
you try and get him job on the police
force Record.
DO. you think airships could be used
effectively in warfare p They Yrfei14
replied the skeptical person. s1If we Could
provide the airships and induce the enenv
to go up in them. "-Washingto Star
Solomon was transporte on his magic
carpet 1T woul be perfect If nv Wives
We see there Is Fly in every Ointment
New York g.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

But shun profane and vain DapDIlngs'
for they will increase unto more ungooh-
ness. II Timothy II 1e.
Without the slightest doubt, this
world would be a much finer place in
which to live If more of it's people fol-
lowed the sterling advice as expressed
in the Biblical passage quoted above,
which was given by the sagacious Paul
in one of his letters to Timothy. As
suredly, there is nothing quite so Of
fensive as profanity. And 1t seems to
be on the increase among men in all
stations of life.
Nothing is accomplished by the use
of unseemly language, except to stamp
it's user as an individual of low intel
ligence and low breeding, or as one
who has cast his intelligence and
breeding to the winds. 1t is,
indeed, a sorely mistaken idea that
it lends force to any expression of
feelings. Sharper and more forceful
things can be said without their being
combined with an oath Too many
people do not seem to think 50. Their
use of profanity, however, merely ex-
poses their ignorance,-their utter dis
respect for God and other sacred
things.
1t is not unusual in walking along
the street, to hear young men and
older ones, for that matter, utter all
sorts of blasphemy. Some of them
may think they are smart" for the
proficiency with which they swear and
curse, especially when they are in pub
lie. If they could only get informed
as to the real estimate in which they
are held by the decent people who pass
their way, they would soon find out
in Just what little respect they are
held. They are looked upon, and
rightly, as the scum of humanity. I'm
fortunately profanity is not confined
to the street loafers. Many indulge in
it who, through their education and
environment, are or should be tntel1i-
gent enough to know better. They
may have got into the knack of it on
account of carelessness. 1t is one of
those bad habits which grows worse
and becomes more aggravated as its
practice is continued. That's the Pc
culiarity of all bad habits. But pro-
family among those who ought to know
better than to use it, is just as repre-
hensible, and more so, than it is among
others who have not had all possible
advantages and opportunities to better
their morals.
Not so very long ago an active
crusade was begun against profanity
by one of the large and powerful mems
organizations of the Roman Catholic
church 1t is one of those crusades
which is worth while. And it might
well be embarked in by the men and
women OF every religious and social
organization on the face of the earth.
With this, as with most things, though,
it is the individual effort which Will
| count for the most in the long run. It
is incumbent, therefore, on every one
to guard well that unruly member, his
tongue, and see to 1t that his lapses
into irreverent and vulgar expression
become less frequent.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

opposition is powerful and their con-
tentions may be reasonable. It is the
truth, though, that general parcels
post system ought to help them suf-
ficiently to offset any increased COM
petition of the mail order houses. And
the limited" parcels post plan now
proposed will be to their intense ad-
vantage and ought to be welcomed by
them. It should demonstrate to them
conc1usively that they would be able to
hold their own with the big mail order
houses under a general parcels post
law. So let's have this limited" law
by all means.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.

From the Chicago News.1
Misery loves company, but the feeling
is never reciprocal.
Some men lose sight of great things
by their attention to tribes.
You can't always measure a mans
brains by the length of his hair.
One of the great drawbacks to a lit
erary career is the return postage.
1t is always advisable to select a
brand of prosperity that you can stand
But few men would care to pay tax
on the space they think they occupy in
the world.
There's no sure cure for the tobacco
habit-with the possible exception Of
certain brands of cigars.
Some people like to have others ask
favors of them, because it affords them
so much pleasure to refuse.
Unfortunately the woman who knows
exactly how to manage a husband sell
dom gets a chance to demonstrate her
theories.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Another objection to the turkey is
that it has only two legs.
4 x
The only crop that is always certain
to turn out a failure is wild oats.
\ \ \
DESTINATIONS folk seldom, If ever, put
on a show that is worth looking at.
\ X
Maybe the fact that love is blind
explains why SO much of 1t that Is I'M
wise is attributed to first sight.
X \ y
People who have an idea that the
world owes them a living get sadly
fooled unless they hustle for It. and
hustle hard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

The Frenchmen's idea Of the honor
able is peculiar to say the least A
young royalist struck Premier BRAND
in the face the other day at a public
gathering, as a mark Of his displeasure
at the way the government is being
conducted. The society to which this
thug belonged Immediately held a spe-
cial meeting and proceeded to honor
him by elevating him to the vice presl-
dency Of the organization. The roy
aIists of France appear to be of about
the same caIiber as the militant suf-
fragettes of England. That is minus
% short
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

of representation is followed in the
congressional reapportionment that will
have to be made This will bring the
New York delegations numerical
strength in the lower branch Of con-
gress up to almost fifty, which will be
about one-ninth of the representation
in the house of all the states of the
union, after the reapportionment is
made. Surely will New York loom up
large in the national law-making of
the future
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
rFrom the New York Press. !

Nobody needs the experience of old
age till he is there himself.
The great majority of the world in
vest in hopes the dividends from which
go to a small minority.
People don't care how much money
they earn; the thing they care about is
what they get.
A man who can stay up all night in
a poker game losing money can go to
sleep in the first paragraph of a lee
ture on how to save his country.
A girl has such a natural faith in
everything she knows her eyes are
blue when the looking glass shows
them green.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Delegates to the annual convention
Of the American Federation of Labor
continued at their work during Thanks
giving Day. They did so of their own
voition. Had they been compelled to
labor on a holiday there would likely
have been a protest or a strike of large
proportions.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

The English suffragettes who attack
ed Premier Asquith the other day and
later stoned his home and the houses of
other government leaders, have refused
to pay the fines assessed against them
and are in Jail They ought to be kept
there or transferred to some institution
for the feeble-minded or otherwise ir-
responsible folk
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Mayor Gaynor, is about to be brought
t trial in New Jersey on a charge of
assault with intent to kill. The maxi
mum penalty for this offense is twenty
years Imprisonment, which is quite
light enough. But, Gallagher, if you
please, is going to plead insanity. And
he'll probably get away with it. Thus
does the course of justice pursue its
way in these United States.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Charles A. Goodwin, the defeated Re-
publican candidate for the governor
ship of Connecticut, expended nearly
ST, 900 on his campaign. Some people
will undoubtedly hold to the belief
that It would be eminently fair for
Colonel Roosevelt to stand at least half
OF this expense
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

There must be gloom these days
among the metropolitan vaudeville
managers over the possibility of Miss
Ethel LIE Neve not being permitted to
land in this country if she should come
this way. 1t is reported that she may
be deemed an Undesirable alien"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Old General Apathy did pretty well in
the recent gubernatorial campaign in
Kansas. He got away with no less than
1854 votes. At least, there were that
many fewer votes cast for the two reg-u-
lar candidates for governor than were
cast at the election for governor two
Years a %
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Word comes from Washington that
Kansas will stand alone in the Sixty
second congress as being the only state
that will have a solid Republican dele
cation. But, as a Kansas editor has so
graphically described them, they are
mixed pickles. Republicans.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Brazil is evidently in sore need of
that largest battleship in the world
which is being built for her. 1t would
come in handy to regain possession CT
the two other battleships in her navy
which are in the hands of mutinous
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

New York state is in the same posi-
ton as the dog that was wagged by
its tail According to the new census.
New York city contains considerably
more than half the population of the
entire state.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

It's exceedingly fortunate. indeed,
that snipe eggs are not among the
necessities of life. They sell at the
rate of $4,000 a dozen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

If the state should accede to the re-
quest of Topeka business men and
light the dome of the capital Hutchin-
son would wax awful1y angry.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Now that Thanksgiving has come
and gone the time is short in which
you can do your Christmas shopping
early
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Now that the football season is ovel
such mollycoddle sports as checkers
chess ping pong and basketball are il
order
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

Many folk are probably wishing today
that they had eaten crow yesterday.
Then they would not have eaten so
much.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
EVERYBODY SHOULD HELP.

No town will become a good busi-
ness center so long as it's business men
rely on a few merchants to bring trade
to town. Too often the men in few
lines Of trade are about the only ones
that reach out for custom. Other mer-
chants wait until these men induce the
people to come to town and content
themselves with trade that naturally
drifts to their place. A public-spirited
man should ask himself If he is doing
his part to attract people to come to
town to trade in helping the entire
business community, and no town is a
success unless all lines are working to
extend the trade as far as possible and
trying to bring a larger territory IN
the circles in which the town is the
business center.-Sterling Bulletin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26

The increased population of New
York state will give that common
wealth nine OF ten more representa-
N4ves in congress. If the present basis
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-11-26
~ ]
t4z7z:lI

Up in Atchison county, the farmers
are out hunting a wild beast, presum-
ably wild cat which has been seen
in that locality. The dispatch raiis
to state whether they are hunting the
beast for motives OF revenge or
whether through curiosity as to What
makes the wild cat wild.
The Brazilian navy has demonstrat-
ed that the best way to get rise out
of the legislature, is to draw bead
on the legislative hall, and then send
in the request. Gov. Stubs should
take the hint, and load the old brass
ones in the state house campus.
The steel corporation has discovered
that its foreign employees do not make
proper use of the bath tubs In the
company cottages. But the rore1gn
steel workers are not the only humans
who cling tenaciously to the dry
cleaning system.
Some women get the reputation of
being quiet dressers" simply because
the public does not hear them WniIe
they are buttoning their gowns down
the back.
When Shylock demanded a pound
of white meat, he didn't get it. Many
boarding house jewellers duplicated
his request with the same result last
AuISQdy.
Family pride is all right. IL it is not
carried to extremes, but there are
some women who will snub Eve when
| they get to heaven, because she had
no grandfather.
In Akron, Ohio, they open a prize
fight with prayer. Owing to the Mar
quis of Queensbury rules, however,
| the presiding minister does not quote
the Bible passage about shifting them
| hip &nd thigh" Probably he says
something about the incident wherein
some Bible character fell on his neck
and wept."
| Lovely Characters: Lesson XXXIV.
| TORQUEMADA.
Tom de Torquemada* had a lovely dis
| position,
And made some great Improvements
in the Spanish Inquisition.
He drove his victims full of nails or
took away their booze
| And put their number 'leven feet in
| number seven shoes.