davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Notice.
State of Oregon,

State of Oregon,
County of Hood River. 's'
|, Geo. D. Culbertson, County Clerk
of Hood River County, Oregon, do
hereby certify that at a general
election held in said County and State
on the Sth day Of November, 1910, that
the question Of whether stock should
be permitted to run at large in Bald
win Precinct of said County and State,
was duly submitted to the legal voters
of said precinct, and that as a result of
said election majority vote was east
against stock running at large in said
Baldwin Precinct, and
Now Therefore, pursuant to the
direction of the statute of the State of
Oregon, so made and provided, do
hereby declare and give notice that it
shall be unlawful on and after sixty
days from the date hereof. within the
boundaries of the said Baldwin Pre-
cinct, in Hood River County, State of
Oregon. for any Live Stock, viz: Any
COW, calf, bull or steer, any horse,
mare, colt, gelding or stallion, any
mule, jack, or jennet, any sheep, lamb
Or lambs, goat or goats, kids or kids,
hog or hogs, pig or pigs, to run at
large, under penalty of ten dollars for
the first offense and twenty dollars
for eacn and every subsequent offense,
to be recovered from the owner of the
stock in civil action before justice of
the peace in said precinct.
In Testimony Whereof, | have here
unto set my hand and the seal of the
Court this 2lst DIV Of November, 1910.
DIS. Geo. d Culhertson,
County Clerk Of Hood River County.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
THE LONG, cADAvERoUs SPEAKER.

and left. He showed up as the tallest
and most cadaverous darky in the
United States, and he had grin on
him that reached clear back to his ears.
In his right hand he held a closed UNI
brella which had seen its fiftieth birth
day, in bis left a roll Of manuscript.
His hair was p0mpadour and bis coat
tails of extra length.
Rastus Longfoot's Address.
"My hearers" suddenly shouted the
honorable as he gave spring aside,
"de queshun befO' dis large and fas-
tidious audience dis evenin' am what
your profound and axalted president
has stated is one who has watched
de progress of our race wild de most
glarin' intensity fur de last fo'ty years.
| has kept my feller Guild man sized
up. has encountered him under all
sorts of condishuns.
II am akin you tonight if de Guild
race am climbin' up hill or fallin'
down. | Is contendin' dat we reached
de top of de hill about ten years ago
and am now on de fall, and I shall
state my reasons.
mo sooner had de black man gained
his freedom dan he began to study de
game of poker. Up to ten years ago
dar wasn't white man in de kentry
who could keep a dollar bill in his
pocket ober night If he played poker
wild one of our race. 1t cum dead easy
fur US to hold pat flushes and straights.
When we didn't we allus filled full
house on de draw IL de pot was as
much as s. we took it in on a royal
flush. tGreat applause.l
Fur thirty years we went on SCOOP
in de white man. We got his cash,
his nevis, his dawgs and his lands.
He could beat us in Wall street, but
we could wallop him at poker. tClap-
ping and yelling.l
Nobody dun knew de game of craps
till de liberated black man invented It,
De white man looked at de game and
said 1t was good 'nough fur him. He
butted in, and ag'in he was scOoped.
We got all but his honoh, and reck-
on we got big slice O. dat. We jist
purity nigh bankrupted de kentry.
[Stamping and howling.l
"At de first go-off arter de war de
white man everlastingly walloped us
at de shell game. Den we catched on
and made him holler, and up to a few
years ago we stood at de top Of de
heap. [Cries Of 1--WE did"l
Where Black Beat the White.
EUR a long time de white man let
us do all de votin' and held all de Of
fees. Den we changed around. Fur
thirty years we made them whack up.
We axed fur what we wanted, and we
got what we axed fur. rob us some
| morewl
Eur long time arter liberty cum
we didn't know how to wear red neck
ties, patent leather shoes and plug
hats. Den we becum de jimdandies of
de land. We swelled. We staggered.
We sot de styles. [Cries Of "You
betvl
"Eben as late as thirty years ago dc
Guild man was a child on de race track
question. He'd bet any old money on
any old boss. He'd bet dat a boss
would cum in first or last or in de mid
| die. He went dead broke a hundred
times but ct last he catches ON. and it
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
swearing.


swearing.
Helpers and tho Police.
Five more men were hired to help
boost.
Mr.. Bowser waved his arms and
shouted directions.
Two policemen arrived and wanted
to know what the devil was the mat
ter.
Several excited women living on the
block wanted to know why some men
in the crowd didn't have brains enough
to ring for the ambulance
up she goes! Boost her! There
she Isl"
The famous sideboard rested on top
Of the fence for moment, and then
the fence gave way with crash.
Cheers from the enthusiastic patri-
OTIS.
Swear words from the nonenthusi-
astic truckmen.
Threats Of life Imprisonment from
the two cops.
Orders and gestures from Mr.. Bow
ser.
OF course there were various sugges-
tions of more or less practical value.
A civil engineer suggested that the
house be moved out over the sideboard
to solve the problem.
A plumber suggested that if he were
given a chance to stop few leaks and
send in his bill the sideboard would
move on of its own accord.
A-woman with a small mutton roast
in q big basket suggested that wings
be attached and the thing be given a
chance to fly.
The boss truckman suggested that
the thing be left where it was till an
other day, when he would come with a
band Of experienced men and rope and
tackle and "snake" her along.
The two cops suggested that the
crowd disperse and went to pushing
and clubbing to encourage it to do so.
Amid the numerous suggestions Mr..
Bowser entered the house to see what
Mrs. Bowser might have to say.
"Just a slight accident, you know,
he said as he noticed the tears in her
eyes. II give you my word the pre-
cious relic is not even scratched"
"I'm-Tm so sorry" she said as she
fell to weeping again.
Tears, Hacks, Threat.
"Sorry, sorry! What in thunder ails
you? Isn't it a Louis XVI. side
boardT
"IL guess So"
"Isn't it the last thing he looked at
on earth?"
"Maybe it's"
"And won't we have it in the dining
room shortly"
"But how are you going to get 1t
there? It's wider than the gate and
it's wider than any door or window.
Are you going to tear the front Of the
house out?"
Woman
And then he went out and peered
and peeked and squinted and meas
ured with a tapeline and said to the
boss truckman
"She won't go into the house"
"Who said she wouldY was the re-
ply.
But II
"You ought to have bought ware
house instead. I've fooled around here
long enough"
There were just two things for Mr.
Bowser to do, and he did them. He
got the ak and chopped and split and
splintered and hacked until that side
board was reduced to kindlings and
his audience tired Of applauding, and
then he went into the house and said
to Mrs. Bowser:
Woman, this is the dead llne-the
end! You consult your lawyer and
I'll consult mine, and we'll have the
thing over withr
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

mats my mamma over tnere-Tna
lady with the pretty hair It's all he'
own hair too, Don't you think my
mammals niceT
Indeed | do"
$50 does papa. He takes mamma on
his lap sometimes just like she was a
little girl Don't you think she'd be a
pretty big armful?'
"H'm-no; none too big"
"Well, ! guess that's what papa
thinks He's Il big man-most as big
us you are. And he's just as strong!
He carries me round on his shoulder;
sets me up on 1t, you know. | hold
on by his head, and amt bit afraid.
You can't guess what I've got for my
papa in this bundle"
"a pound Of candyT
The little girl laughed gleefully.
"NO, | 'spect he's got a lot of candy
for me. Guess again"
"A-a necktie?'
"No; 'tisn't that, either Mamma
tends to his nccktics, ana they're al
ways just right"
Great SCI mean don't doubt it,"
You'd never guess I'll have to tell
you. It's mustaChe cup, just the
lOvelieSt one | could find, and It's aw-
full pretty. Papa, he's got great, long
black mustache. Wouldn't you think
it would be dreadful unhandy to kiss
anybody with long mustache?"
"Why-er'-
"WCll, it isn't You get used to it,
you know When you want to kiss
anybody right bad you amt going to
let mustache stop you"
A tall young girl on the seat immedi
ately in front of the two was seized
with violent fit of coughing that
made her face startlingly red, and she
pulled down the blind to keep the sun
out of her eyes.
'Most everybody in this car is load
ed down with Christmas things" went
on the little girl. IT'S a good thing
your seat isn't full or I'd "a had to
stand up. Don't you have any Christ.
mas at your houseY
"Christmas? Yes, we always have
| Christmas, of course"
Maybe you haven't got any little
folks"
"Oh yes; I've got little girl about
your size"
as she a good little girlY
'lndeed she is"
Doesn't she ever pout"
"Never."
"Wcll, | do sometimes when they
won't give me another piece Of cake
Doesn't she ever go off to some corner
and throw herself down on the lounge
and kick the floor with her toes and
say she's mad and hates everybodyY
Never"
"Never acts a bit cross and naughtyT'
'No never"
"She must be dear little girl. Don't
you love her very much|
Eyes; oh, yes"
"Then why haven't you got your
arms full of Christmas presents to take
home to hcrT
Because she doesn't need them, my
dear" said the man, gently strOkinl
his little friends glowing cheek. "ShC
has gone to live with the angels. &C
~ TayIaE In Ghicn@n Irihnna- hnna---
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

Lay OF tHe NnTlstWdS oHoPPeT'
Glad Christmas draws nigh, and we sigh
as we buy.
And our hearts and our purses we ope.
We are full of good cheer, also sckening
fear,
AS our cares and our shekels elope
We enjoy a great peace, and our worries
increase
AS our bundles and debts expand,
While the blithe Yuletide fun and the
creditors dun
Fill the air and the mails through the
land.
The mistletoe green and the pawnbroker
keen
Gay entertainments and needed cash lend.
The holly's warm glow and the debts that
we owe
Christmas greetings and troubles por-
tend.
-Iippincott's
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
A STORY FOR CHRISTMAS.
Why the Little Girl In the Car Had No
Bundles.

6unQleSs
VT was near the middle of the after
noon. The car was full Of subur-
banites returning home laden with
purchases for the holidays.
A fair haired matron entered the car,
followed by a little girl Both had
as many bundles as they could carry,
and when the elder Of the two had
been provided with seat there was
only one other to be had 1t was by
the side Of a large man with closely
cropped beard The little girl was
duly installed in that seat, her pack
ages disposed Of to her satisfaction,
and as the train started off she began
a conversation with the large man,
He had smiled at her and taken part
Of her burden on his own lap.
awful hard work bdying so many
Christmas things, isn't it?" she said.
Eyes, 1t must be hard work"
"But I like 1t. I'd most rather buy
Christmas gifts than to go skating,
and I'd rather go skating than do
anything else 'cept eat candy-and go
to Sunday school," she added, pulling
down the corners Of her mouth as II
with O sudden fear that she was be.
coming unduly frivolous.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
CURIO TO BOWSER
His Bid Gets the Louis XVI.
Sideboard.
FOR AN ANNIVERSARY GIFT.
Too Big to Get Through the Gate.
sowser Enraged, Chops 1t to Pieces.
Mrs. 6owser Weeps-A Divorce Suit
on the Horizon.
BY M. QUAD.
IJ WI VUNDs
lCopyrlght, 1910, by Associated Literary
Press.l


copyright, 1910, by Associated Literary
Press.l
WWYHEN Mr.. Bowser walked into
~ the house at 4 o'clock the
Wv other afternoon Mrs. Bow.
sers first thought was that
he had come home i'll. He didn't look
1t, however. On the contrary, there
was a healthy grin on his face.
lit isn't holiday?' she quered,
mot for the public" he answered,
though I'm making it one for us. Just
a small holiday, you know-one for a
cent or two"
But what is it? What's going on?"
"Ha, ha, ha! thought you'd forgot,
ten oil about 1t. Talk about sentiment,
but l believe that husbands have more
than wives. Mrs. Bowser, thirty-fve
years ago today asked you to be my
little wifey. It's the anniversary of a
most happy event, and I thought to
celebrate it in fitting manner"
But how came you to remember the
day." she asked.
"Oh, l ran across it in an old letter
some time ago and carefully preserved
the date. Trust loving husband to
keep track Of such things"
How good Of you! Pm ashamed
that did not remember it myself"
That's all right, little one. Thirty
five years ago today and about this
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

Identified.

Jack-Know that man across the
street?
Dick-No.
Jack-He's one of those men who
treat fellow and then make him pay
for It,
Dick-You don't say!
Jack-Sure. He's doctor.-Judge,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

The Dominie's Trust

The story is told Of the Rev. James
Paterson Of Philadelphia that he once
said In circle Of his brethren that
he thought ministers ought to be hum
Bile and poor, like their Master y
have often prayed" said he, that |
might be kept humble never prayed
that | might be p0or-I could trust my
church for that" -ArgOnaut
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

hour we were sitting together in your
fathers house. All Of a sudden ask
ed you to be mine, and you said you
would"
''But l didn't say so at once, did II"
she asked as a blush showed on her
cheeks.
81 guess you waited a minute or two
before making me the happiest man on
earth"
"And you haven't been sorry?"
81 have thanked heaven every day
since and shall till die This evening
we will go out to dinner, and then It's
the theater. Wen just have jolly
time. Meanwhile l came home to say
that l have purchased a trihlng me-
mento of the occaslon-something we
can look at daily and recall those old
days"
"You good man! What is it?"
"You couldn't guess in hundred
years, but know you'll be tlcllled half
to death. / was the most fortunate
man In the world to get it. If l had
been fifteen minutes late it would have
been gone"
"Then it isn't jewelry"
mo"
Anything to wear"
mo"
"Is it patent rocking chair for
meT'
mo. Here 1t comes, and you won't
have to do any more guessing!
Curio Draws a Crowd.
A big truck had driven up and was
backing to the curb. On 1t was q
bungalow. At least, Mrs. Bowser took
1t for one and exclaimed:
"Why, we are not going camping In
the winter are we"
Don't you know what It isT
"a bungalow, or something Of that
sort. Shall you set 1t up la the back
yardY
Hardly" laughed Mr.. Bowser.
"Come out and take a look at it."
There were three men with the
truck, and by the time Mrs. Bowser
reached the gate a dozen more and a
score Of children had gathered. They
were saying to each other that 1t was
bungalow, a monkey house, mov-
ing picture show, a photograph gal
lery and other things, when Mr. Bow
ser said, with a smile and a flourish:
Mrs. Bowser, let me introduce you
to the grandest piece Of furniture
which ever had a place in the palace
Of a king"
"But I can't quite make out what IT
is"
ut Is the favorlte sideboard Of Louis
XVI, and antlquarians have called 1t
almost priceless. 1t is said to be the
last thing his eyes rested on before his
head dropped into the basket Of the
guillotine. / bought 1t at auction yes
terday. There were fifty bidders, but
| beat them all. What do you think
of it as souvenir Of our engage,
mentf"
Before she could answer the boss
truckman called out:
"Now, then, how are we going to get
ehls thing into the yard? have jus
measured, and it won't pass through
the gate by two feet"
"Then it must be lifted over thu
fence"
"All right, but you'll have to hire
three more men to help lift, and Il
your fence breaks down you cam
blame me-"
Mrs. Bowser made her escape int
the house and sank down in a chail
and burst into tears. Mr. Bowser hat
tried to be good, but he had made 6
mess of it. Outside she could heal
teams and autos stopping and the
crowd increasing and the truckmeI
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Modern system.

"And what Is this rubber stamp
for?" we ask Of the Kentucky noun
taineer at whose humble home we are
stopping overnight.
"ThatT he smiles. "Well, friend,
that's somepin l use whenever shoot
one O. tn Tollivers. Hev to conform
to tn statoots."
He stamps upon piece of paper
with 1t and we read
Guaranteed Under the Pure Feud
Laws."-Life.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

Copyright, 1870 by Associated Literary
Press.l
Xw YHEN the regular weekly meet
A ing of the Limekiln club
Wv opened for the transaction
Of business Brother Gardner
arose in his place and said:
"My frens, dar am waitin' in de
auntyroom pusson named Hon. Ras-
tus Longfoot He has arrOye yere
from Alabamy to deliber lecture befO'
dis club. De subtle of dat lecture, as
he informs me, am Am de Guild Race
Climbin' Up Hill or Fallin' DOWN.
When de honorable arrove in town he
made straight for my cabin, and he has
been dar as a free boarder for de last
four days. His appetite am dat Of a
boss, and de way he makes hisself at
home am sight to behold. l don't
reckon his lecture amounts to much,
but | can't get rid of him at de house
till he shoots it off. Arter dat Give
adam Jones kin lead him downstairs,
head him southwards and put boot
whar it will do de most good.
Don't misunderstood me. l want to
show hospitality to all comers and we'll
wishers of dis club, but I want dem
comers to glib me three or fo' days no
tice in advance and not turn me and de
ole woman outer our only bed at mid
night to finish de night on de grass.
Dis club didn't know dat he would ar
rive In de night arter three months
trampin'. 1t didn't get no postal keerd
from him when he got in jail for twen-
ty days in Ohio. He took his chances
He will now be brung in by de recep-
ton committee, and we will glib him a
respectful hearin'"
Five minutes later the honorable
stood on the platform, bowling to right
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
A Matter of Sentiment.

"Were you annoyed by the way the
customs inspectors handled your
trunksW
mo, indeed" replied the young wo-
man from Kansas. 1--WE were so
homesick that we really enjoyed see
ing something that looked like a cy.
clone."- Washington Star.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
The Nersatile Show Girl.

Say, Ysobel, will you lend me your
long haired blond wig? I've got a
chance to pose for hair tonic adj
Browning's Magazine.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
A Case of Must.

Briggs-Come, now, do you
think that 1t Is honorable to
marry a girl that you don't love
just because she has money?
Griggs-Honorable? Why, it's
necessary.-Life.
A4AAAHAHAAAA AHHHAAN8.S9al
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08


"If we am fallin' doy | instead
Of cllmbin' up dar am care fur it,
Muffin eber happens without cause.
What's de cause In dis case! Ilev we
lost our brains? Hev me bin Overed-
decated? Hev we too much wealth?
Was de pace too hot fur us mentally
and physically? [Cries of "Iell us
the causewl
"My frens, de cause am right we're.
It am dat de assimilashum of de abro-
CATION am too tremendous fur de alb
sduatulashum. When dat gifts to he
de case de desideratum overpowers de
syntax and creates an elocution Of de
holocaust. Oar you hev It straight
and plain. You will AK if d0r am a
cure fur It. | will answer dat ques
hun tomorrow night from dis platform
Thankin' you fur your uncompromisin'
and decidious interest on dis OCCASION
will now bid you adieu fur few
hours"
The honorable was escorted from
reaching the anteroom was handed
over TO Giveadam Jones. He was led
down the alley stairs, and those listen
ing above heard protests and boots,
mingled about half and half, When
Brother Jones returned and got his
breath back he entered the hall and
reported.
"Mlsser President, de honorable am
headed fur old Alabamy, and his gait
am sixteen miles an hour!'
"But you assured him Of our lastn'
esteem, didn't your
81 did, sab. l dun assured him dat
de next performance in de alley would
last hull hour!
Thanks, Brudder Jones, and reck'
on It will now be safe to break de
meetin' In two and 60 home"
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Exercise,

Walking, we are told, is good exer-
cise-better than riding in an automo-
bile. The trouble is that great many
Of us are not looking for exercise
Milwaukee Sentinel.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Small Fee.

The Bride-Didnt you give anything
to the minister who married us?
The Groom-I gave him dollar.
II thought as much. He kissed me
only e."-Yonkers Statesman.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
a Forecast,

Jones-What do you think will be
the end of the woman question?
Brown-There won't be any end.
They'll always be asking 'em.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Up to Date.

Parent-Is my son very progressive,
do you think?
Teacher-Great Scott, yes! He's the
worst insurgent in the whole school,
Puck
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

was a SAD DAY for de white man
[Cheers.l
EUR long, long time de Guild man
saw de white ofiiceholders film der
pockets wild graft Dey couldn't see
how it was done and nobody bein' pun
ished fur It. Den de enlightenment cum
along, and, oh, Lawd, how dem niggers
did steal! Dey even stole de panes Of
glass in de winders and de roofs from
obed deir heads. Tremendous and
long continued applausel
Eur years and years artcr de wah
de Guild folks knowed muffin about
divorce. Den dey went in to learn
and inside of five years dey was beat.
in de white folks five to one. Dey
list had divorces and elopements and
scandals till you couldn't keep track
of 'em. [Yum-yums.l
Ten years ago de culrd family had
its cuckoo clock, its pianner and its
gilt mirror. Oar was ice cream
around. Oar was hack at the doah
occasionally. De man at de house had
box at de postoifice. Oar was nebber
less'n five dawgs under de bed and a
parrot in de parlor. [Cheers.
"De Guild man had been climbin' up
hill. Oar am no hill widout its crest
You has only to keep on climbin' to
git dar. You can't stay loafn' around
on dat crest. You has got TO go
down. OATS what we am doin' today
as a race-we am fallin' down de
odder side of de hill, We has seen
our palmy days. We am on de de-
cline. We am driftln' right back to
de pint whar we started from
[Groans.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
Holiday Hints.

Holiday Hints.
Shop early and often,
For Christmas is nigh.
Get rid Of leftovers,
Then go out and buy.
a.
II stockings are holey
And all out of shape,
You'd best have them mended
Or gifts will escape.
Boston Herald.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

Praise undeserved IL satire in dis.
guise. e.-Broadhurst.
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

; True Love.
Stella-C Cholly proposed to me.
; Bella-Yes. told him If he {
didn't take you he would get
me.-New York Sun,
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08

Dress Goods Appropriate.
For grass widows-lawn. 4
For the femme passe-moire
|, antique.
For her whose locks are thin
mo'hair.
For the careless kitchenmaid Z
crash.
For the tardy housemaid-de- Z
laine.
For the sailors wife-serge.-
) Brownings Magazine.
ScSH@aa3@H.s24sS311@49@@3&@8
The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-12-08
LIMEKILN NIGHT.
Is the Colored Race Climbin' Up
or FalIin' Down?
RASTUS LONGF00T'S SPEECH.
Speaker Handicapped by Brother
Gardner, Who Feeds Him Four Days.
Giveadam Jones Acts on His Cue and
Starts the Visitor For Alabama.
BY M. QUAD.

BY Vt. QUAD.
Copyright, 1910, by Associated Literary
Press