Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1910-07-14
HUMOROF THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES

The Absentminded Professor Was a
Prolific Source of Merriment to the
testers of Those Days-The Source
of Many Modern Jokes.
The maxim that there is nothing
new under the sun applies, 1t would
seem, more truly to jokes and witt.
clsms than to anything else. The chief
differences between the jests of one /
generation and that of another lie |
mainly in their form. Tho kernel Is
practically the same. Nevertheless II I
Is interesting to eXhume some of these |
ancient jokes ana to recognize In them |
the ancestors of the things Mt which |
we laugh today In the pages of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writer's dearly love
to make fun of the absentminded, un.
practical university professor, who
outside or his own subject let's his
wits wander and Is very slow to grasp
anything In ordinary life. Such jokes
rs these were cracked centuries ago
by the students ana graduates of the
great universities I'm ancient Greece.
for It Is a mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown to the ancients.
AS a matter of fact, the student at
the University OF Athens or at the
| University Of Alexandria was very
much the same sort of mortal as is
the student today, and his professors
were not so very different.
| A witty Greek named Hlerocles,
| graduate of Alexandria, collected some
! time In the nth century volume of
! jests which We're current among the
students with regard to the woolgath-
ering type Of professor. A number of
them are translated here as being OF
considerable interest In the history of
humor and especially OF college hu,
NOR:
A professor, wishing to swim, was
nearly drowned, whercupon he sworc
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim.
or twin brothers, one died. A pro-
fessor thcrcup N, meeting the sur
vivor, asked, as 1t you that died or
! your brother"
A professor learning that raven
would live for more than 200 years.
bought one to test the matter.
A professor, wishing to cross a river
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get over
I'm hurry.
A professor, looking out Of the win
dow Of a house which he had bought.
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him.
A professor, meeting another pro-
fessor, said, II heard you were dead"
"And yet" replied the other, you see
that | am still alive" "Wcll," said
the first IN perpleXity, 81 don't know
what to believe, for the man who told
me about 1t is much more truthful
man than your
A professor, In danger Of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that he
might make his will. Seeing thcreupon
his slaves lamenting their fate, he
said, ADO not grieve, for am going to
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he had
trodden on nail and that the wound
panied him. On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor, having
learned the cause, remarked, at served
you right, for why do you sleep with
out sandalsT
A professor, meeting doctor, hid
himself behind wall Some one ask
ing the cause. he answered, II have
not been sick for so long time ! am
ashamed to come into the sight of a
physician"
A professor, wishing to teach his
horse to be small eater, gave him no
food at all. At length, the horse hav-
ing starved to death, the professor ex-
claimed, 81 have suffered great loss,
for just as he had learned not to eat he
diedw
A professor, visiting n sick person,
inquired about his health. The invalid,
however, was not able to reply. There
upon the professor, being angry and
scolding the man. said, II hope that
shall be sick some Of these days, and
| IHeH WneI' you COlHc W ush uOW am
| will not answer"
A professor sealed up vessel OF
wine which he had bought. His serv
ant having made a hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn off some Of the
wine, the professor was astonished to
see the contents diminished while the
seals remained unbroken. A neighbor
having told him to look whether 1t had
hot been taken out from below, he re-
piled, "Why. you fool, It's the upper
part Of the wine and not the lower
that is misslngw
A professor, bald man and bar
Der travelling together agreed to keep
watch In turn four hours, each while
the others slept. The BARRIERS turn
came first He quietly shaved the
head of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him.
The latter, scratching his head as he
got up and finding 1t bare, cried out:
"What a rascal that barber Is! He's
| ,,,,I,o1 In IoI1 f,at, inotan1 nf mav'--