Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-11-10
HE WAS NOT
THANKFUL

My nelghbor Cooley suffered a
good deal last winter from rheuma-
tism in his breast, and his wife was
badly frightened about it for fear it
should end in consumption. Cooley
could not be induced to try any rem
edy for the trouble, and Mrs. Cooley
was nearly worried to death about it.
At last she determined to try strate-
gy. She made dry mustard plas-
ter and one night while he was asleep
she sewed it upon the inside of his
undershirt, so that it would just COW
er the rheumatic place.
Cooley dressed himself in the
morning, wholly unsuspicious of the
presence of the plaster, and went
downstairs. At the breakfast table,
while he was talking to his wife, he
suddenly stopped, looked cross-eyed,
and spasm of pain passed over his
face. Then he took up the thread
Of the conversation again and went
on. He was in the midst of an ex-
PLANTATION of the political situation.
when all at once he ceased again,
grew red in the face and exclaimed
II wonder what in the = No, it
can't be anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the
matter, and Cooley said:
20, it's that internal old rheuma-
tism again; come back awful But |
never felt 1t exactly the same way be-
fore. Kinder stings me-"
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
Then Mr.. Cooley began again, and
was just showing her how the raw
ages of the grasshoppers in the west,
and the potato-bug in the east, would
affect the election by making the peo-
pie disconnected, and so likely to
strike at the party in power, when
he suddenly dropped the subject, and
jumping up, said:
Thunder and lightning what's
that? Ouch! o, Moses! l feels if
1 had shoveful of hot Goals inside
my undershirt'
Must be that rheumatism, getting
worse" said Mrs. Cooley sympathetic
:, cally.
90, gracious, no. It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like
burning into my skin. Ouch! Ow-
wow-wowi It's awful! | can't stand
it another minute. / believe it's
cholera, or something, and I'm going
to die!'
do try to be calm, Mr., Cooley"
Calm! How can a man be calm
with a volcano boiling over under
! his shirt Go way from here. Get
out of the way, quick, while go up
stairs and undress. Murder-r-r-r-.
but it hurts! Let me get out, quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped off his clothes. His
chest was the color of a boiled lob
ster; but he couldn't for the life OF
him tell what was the matter. Then
his eye rested upon something white
on his shirt. He picked up the gar
ment and examined it. Ten minutes
later he came slowly downstairs with
a dry mustard plaster in his hand.
while thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook
the plaster under her nose, and said
in suppressed voice:
did you put that thing in my
clothes?"
II did it for the best, john" she
said,a'I thought"
"Oh, never mind what you
thought. You've taken the bark
clean off of my bosom, SO I'm as raw
as a sirloin steak, and I'll probably
never be well again as long as l live.
That lets you out. You play no more
tricks like that on me. Now, mind
me-
Then he slammed the door and
went out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know
to this day exactly what effect the
grasshoppers are going to have on
the election.-N. w. Weekly.