The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1910-10-07
MARRYING TO REFORM.

ho'C iNSOiNCu a NCiy lhtCi OotAa9
letter from a young woman who. lef'
an orphan in her childhood and de-
pendent upon her own exertions for q
living, has worked her way up from
cash girl to being a buyer in a big
department store. In character this
young woman is strong and fine.
She is very religious with strict
and rigid ideas about moralities ana
conventionalities. but she has fallen
in love. as so many such women do,
with man who is her direct opposite
in every respect.
He is as Bohemian In his tastes as
she is PuI1tanical in hers. He Is a.
shiftless neer do well. dissipated,
fiighty, improvident. He Is every
thing of which the woman disap-
proves theoretically, but still sire
loves him and wa is to marry him,
and asks me this question:
When the bad woman can lower .
man and lead him like a child. can't
a good woman also lead him, perhaps.
from self-destruction and hatred for
all womanhnd, to happiness and saner
living? oh, have you, or any of your
thousands of readers, knowing tha1
women marry to reform men. ever
heard of one who succeeded?"
Speaking for myself, will answer
emphatically, NO. l have known
hundreds of women to marry men tss
reform them, and in not one single
case that has come under my observa-
ton has the woman succeeded.
Doubtless there have been men who
have been Influenced to give UP their
vices by their wires, Just as there
have been occasionally blue roses, sor
it has rained fishes. but these phe--
nomena are freaks of nature, so rsne
that no woman has any right to expect
to see them.
Women deceive themselves with tina
belief that the marriage ceremony il
a sort Of incarnation that has only &C.
be said over a man to transform him
from devil into an angel, and change
his every taste and habit FallaciouS
belief! The man who was a dispo-
maniac before marriage will be just
as thirsty afterward. The man who
was lazy before marriage Will hate to
work just as much afterward. The nGan
who let his mother support him before
marriage will have NO shame In let
ting his wife keep boarders to take
care of him after marriage. These
things are as much a part of the man
as his eyes or his hair, and no we.
man can change them.
There is no other thing in the worlc
that is so exaggerated as what we
call "woman's influence In reality
"woman's influence" over man doesn't
that any woman can do for a man IN
to stimulate him. She can help hims
on. on the the course on which he la
going. and accelerate his place. but
she cannot change his destination.
This is true, whether the mans roaSl
leads up or down. If man is good,
and true. his wife can help him reach
the heights. II he is industrious and
ambitious, she can help him boost
himself up the ladder. But If he is q.
drunkard, not all her efforts will keep
him out Of the gutter. If he is shift
less and no account, not all her labor
will put vim and energy into him.
On the other hand the bad woman.
is not the siren, with occult powers,
as she is popularity painted She
merely stimulates what is worst in a.
bad or weak man. and her influence
seems so great because the downward
path is always a creased toboggan
slide.
In all sincerity, nothing else has
done so much to strew the shores or
matrimony with the wrecks of the
broken hearts and the blasted lives
of women as the theory that man
can be reformed by marriage. Not
once in million times can it be done,
and when ii can it isn't worth ths
trouble that it costs.
1t is 3. painful process to try co
make over weakling, and 1t is noHi
often that a woman's love survives the
contempt she comes to feel for the
creature in the shape of a man that
is not man, that has neither strength
TO stand alone. nor self-control to re-
sist, nor intelligence to look ahead,
nor energy to strive. who Is nothing
but a coward and a gutter on the
battlefield of life.
Any woman who marries a man te
reform him is self-deluded foil !
She is attempting the impossible. ana
is bound to fall. and make both her.
self and the man miserable in her
truitsless efforts to change what CAM
not be changed.
To my correspondent, and all other
girls who are debating this problem.
l have two pieces Of advice to give.
First, don't marry a man to re-
form him. II you want a husband
who comes up to your ideal, marry a
man who is already a man.
Secondly, don't try to reform the
man you marry. II you deliberately
pick out drunkard, gambler, or a
rogue for a husband you take him
as he is. Get up and open the door
for him when he comes staggering
home without reproach. Don't say
a word when he runs after other wo-
men. Go to work and support him
oo,nnIotc% ...bo~