davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
Cabinet designations.

What a lot Of fuss was made over the
reported resignation of Secretary Knox
ana Secretary MacVeagh, It was scarcely
worth their while to deny the rumors.
They came up as the toadstooI grows-the
first glimpse of the sun made their heads
to droop. and they wilted before they were
an hour old. Secretary Knox recognized
an old acquaintance in the resignation
story, but he had TO deny the allegation.
Il has come up at intervals OF a few
weeks, and serves for a day or two to
attract attention 10 the Secretary Of
State He laughs and denies it, where
upon it goes into retirement for a few
weeks more.
The Secretary of the Treasury was posi-
tive that he had no intention Of resign
ing. He is busy just now studying the
tariff and the laws pertaining to his
department. He was little more serious
than Secretary Knox in his denial. but
made it just as positive-"I have no in
tention of retiring from President Tafts
Cabinet" You don't need anything more
direct or positive than that.
Why are there so many rumors about
designations from the Cabinet? Presi-
dent Taft seems TO be pretty well salts
fed. Even your Uncle jim" Wilson must
furnish a weekly resignation and he is
the oldest man who ever held office. They
viii get Uncle Jim" some of these DAYS.
but he will go down with a record I'M
paralleled in history.
But two weeks hence look again for the
Cabinet rumors. BY that time the eoun-
try will have forgotten the denials OF
Secretary Knox and Secretary MacVeagh
They can be revived then. again to fall. II
kept Up persistently for two or three
years. the prediction may come true.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
WHY SHE ADVERTISED.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
The Belleville man who got a wife
through an advertisement and has been
against the power OF the press ever
since, VIII be interested in this sdver-
tisement from Missouri paper;
Attractive woman. not a day over
thirty. would be pleased to correspond
with eligible man. Not absolutely neces-
sary that he should be young. Would
prefer one with property. but one with a
good paying position would be satisfae-
tory. The young lady is OF medium
height has brown hair and gray eyes.
not fat, although most decidedly she is
not skinny. Her friends say she is a
fine looking woman. Object matTimony.
Reason for this advertisement, the young
woman lives IN a little dinky town. where
the best catches are the boys behind the
counters in the dry goods and clothing
stores. and everyone of them is spoken
for by the time he is out of short
pants
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
The Servant Problem.

DR.. Wiley, in addition to his benzoate
Of soda experiments, has been giving the
housewives Of the nation information
regarding the servant problem and its
perplexities. Howbeit his information
has been calculating, it nevertheless has
not reached hnality. The problem re-
mains a problem. and the complexity of
modern civilization, with its storm and
stress. is accentuaung this unfortunate
phase Of domestic life.
In ESQ b. c.. the Egyptians. in their
primitive manner of life, were strug-
Cling with the same knotty problem that
the moderns face. The changing fash
ions OF the seasons are not to be dated
TO the ascendency Of latter-day progress.
DR.. James J. Walsh, of Fordham Uni
versity, has a series of copy-book max
inns taken from an ancient papyrus
manuscript on which appear the bIots
and corrections made by the pupils Of
Pharaohs school-teachers. The papyrus
was unearthed near Memphis. and dates
back as far as the laws of Moses, which
as will be recalled, warn against
Icoveting the manservant or maidservant
OF our neighbor
Some Of the maxims taught the Egyp-
tan schoolboys are as follows:
In sooth, thou shalt find it hard 10
satisfy thy servants. For. despite thy
earnest desires, if thou be harsh with
them, they shall say, He is a cruel
master; 10! we shall go.
Even though thou give princely gifts
of gold and Of precious stones TO tbv
higher servants. content is not in them.
for they shall say, 10! the master is
suddenly growing gracious; we shall go
And I say unto you. yield to thy
higher servants as becomes one favored
of God, for peace is not in that town
where dwells one wretched servant"
Regarding home life and fashions. the
Egyptian sage was quoted as follows.
If wise, provide for thy house and
wife as best thou mayest Get her what
she desires TO eat. and buy for her such
apparel as she desires 10 wear, for in
that way alone may ye find happiness.
The philosophy of this ancient sage
proves there is nothing new under the
sun, and any problem that has lasted
as long as the servant problem is utterly
past reformation. Hence, it is useless to
make any suggestions, recommendations.
or PROFOUND theories on the solution of
a question which has concerned all fem
ininity since the time Of Eve. We are
content to leave this matter strictly in
the hands of the sisters.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
Slang in the Court Room.

Attorney Ralph Schoonover, of Santa
Barbara. has been summoned before the
Supreme Court of California for contempt
of court He will be asked TO explain
how he came TO quote George AIDE IN
stead of Blackstone And the question
will be rather pointedly asked. judging
from the brevity of the note which ne
received.
When the court met en- banc recently
to review an appealed case, one of the
justices arose to read the brief of At
torney. Schoonover. Some surprise was
manifested, and the faces Of the learned
judges assumed a changed expression as
the following language was encountered:
Then the State court butts into the
game and when il has gotten its butter
going. il is unable 10 stop, but continues
with all the judicial solemnity of an owl,
Its actions would doubtless pass muster
IN circus or moving picture studio, but
certainly 30 not eomport with the dignity
of the judicial ermine. The decision is
peach. Said rotten decision was the rot
tenest that ever disgraced the records of
any court, for II wiped out the entire
story of his perfidy. 1t is a raw decision.
Ii IS finding not only frivolous, but false
as well. and was intended simply as
cloak for more villainy. 1t is putrid. The
judgment was the conclusion of a sapient
court of massive brains, a masterpiece
of judicial wisdom
Such language caused the members Of
the court TO gasp. They could scarcely
believe it possible they were listening to
a brief in court. When they recovered
their eOmposure, they decided they wanted
the author to appear before them. His
language is called "seandalous, disgrace
full. insulting, and constitutes a contempt
of court"
Blackstone win resume his accustomed
position in the courts of California after
the Supreme Court gets through with
Attorney Schoonover.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
Death of Thomas F. Walsh.


Washington has lost good citizen in
the death of Thomas F. Walsh. He was
a fine representative of the rich resident
elass-that class, coming from all sec
lions of the country. which finds in this
Capital the ideal place of abode and con-
tributes so largely to its development.
Foreign born. he was product of our
Western country and a thorough Ameri-
can. Leisure and travel came to him
from fortune honestly acquired and
made of him a cosmopolitan. Yet Wash
ington and Denver, both proud 10 claim
him, were the cities he loved best
Kindly. warm-hearted, and generously
charitable. he was beloved by his fellow
men. He was a substantial factor in the
affairs Of life, responding freely TO every
proper call upon his purse. and public
spirited in large degree. His investments
here viii endure as tribute to his wis
dom and progressiveness and his conf
dence in the magnificent future OF the
city
He won and held esteem and affection
and his passing will be sincerely mourned.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
GERMAN ARMY STRENGTH.

From the Century.
Germany can assemble an army OF more
than 100000 soldiers. ready. literally
speaking, to the last button. at any point
along her borders. in less than week.
Not drilling. courage. patriotism, intelli-
gence. and military spirit alone give the
German army the formidable strength It
possesses. but also the painstaking labor
that shirks no effort, and recognizes the
value of the smallest detail And in this
work the general staff, the war depart
ment. and. In fact, every officer, Is en-
gagged year after year, restlessly trying
To improve what appears perfect, always
OF the lookout for the chance OF saving
half an hour OF the time required for the
mobilization Of the army. and always
following the maxim OF the great Moltke:
only by striving for the impossible
may we attain the possible"
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
VOL. III. NO. Al.
EVERY SATURDAY.
Our Motto; Ifyou see it in The Big
Sud-. il ism I necessarily so.
BEFORE THE SPHINX



A short while ago ] was before
the dear old sphinx immortal monu-
ment 10 ancient genius and splendor;
rough and uneouth in feature; but
In wisdom. imperturbabilt.y, and
durability unedusled in the greatest
creatures Of modern brain and
brawn-and / gazed with rapture
and admiration upon this uniathom-
able wonder Of msnkind's creation
and puzzled over its mysterious
birth. A passenger upon the ship
Of the desert, Eny chin resting in my
Palm in pensive attitude, I pom
dered on the enigmate significance
Of the image before me.
Pregnant with hidden meaning as
was the scene. there arose to my
imagination the specters OF those
lands | had seen. Of the peoples l
had met, Of the deeds l had done: l
saw the blood-fraught charge II
San Juan Hill, where the mirage Of
glory and patriotism overran the
better tendencies; l saw q journey
through the Dark Continent, where
We tTekked DER swamp and jungle.
Cross burning sands, and past
rushing rivers. risking and sacrific-
ing life and limb for want Of sport:
l saw fsT0ci0us beasts, | felt the
earth tremble and heard the forests
echo with their frightful roars. and
saw a steady hand, with unerring
aim. level inevitable death into their
carcases; / saw pleagure-laden days
in Mombasa, in NairObi. in Condo
koro, IN OmduTman, and 10 other
rGrts that sound even worse, and l
saw the peoples Of these places
salaaming and doing me homage;
saw a hearty welcome. with hearty
feasts and gorgeous celebrations on
every hand, greeting my return to
the hsunts Of civilization; saw the
royal courts Of the world tempting
me with promises Of a bully time.
Then | saw a picture OF a differ
ent hue: ] saw myself at home.
welcomed cordially by a hundred
million Of Gods best people;
thought q the Spanish soldiers
had killed. Of the harmless beasts
q the forest l had slaughtered be
yond computing; / thought Of the
Hastings given me by hands never
again 20 be shaken, alasl ! thought
Of the valuable time I had wasted
for the peoples had visited.
thought Of the promises Of merri-
ment that had been VOuchsafed me:
and believed that / had rather in
the future live an uneTentfuI
though much befriended existence. IN
the hearts Of my loyal CUuntrymsn
and surrounded by my beloved wife
and little ones; and ! breathed a
silent prayer that haste. unacoom-
panied BY fret, might attend my
homeWard journey. and ] thanked
Goo that I had beheld the Sphinx
and tasted Of the wisdom OF its
peace aud content and had drank AZ
the knowledge Of It's sermon on the
simple life.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
La Sale Takes Possession of Louisiana-Aprl 9.

One Of the most remarkable exploits in
the history of our country had its cuIni-
nation on April 8, 1852. the day on which
La Sale took possession of Louisiana in
the name of his king after an exciting
trip down the Mississippi There were at
least fifty in the party who embarked on
this expedition on the 18th day OF Febru-
airy, 1852, and started on their voyage Of
discovery. They soon passed the Mis-
souri,. which La Sale regarded as the
mightier branch of the Great River. On
the 18th of March, at the village of the
Arkansas and in the presence Of the
tribe, possession OF the country was taken
Tor Louis the Great, with every civil and
religious ceremony. and a carefully au-
thenucated record was made Of the act.
The mouth of the Mississippi was
reached on the 9Th Of April. and on the
1th La Sale reconnoitered the southwest
passage ali the way 10 the sea, and fixed
the latitude as near as he could to be
about p degrees; but from the frailtv OF
his canoe he was not able to max a prop
er examination OF the entrance TO the sea.
1t was on the Sth OF April that a dry
spot was found for performing solemnly
the act OF taking possession; this was
DONE and column and a cross were pre-
pared. The column bore the arms Of
France and an inscription, Louis the
Great. King OF France and OF Navarro
reigns this Ninth OF April, 1852" Every
one remaining under arms. they chanted
the TIE Deum, and God Save the King
amid salvos OF musketFy and cries Of
Long live the King"
La Sale erected the column. and uro-
nounced that by authority Of the rovaI
commission he took possession Of the
country Of the Mississippi, with all its
tributaries, from the mouth OF the Ohio.
Robert Chevalier de La Sale was a
young Frenchman, born at Rouen and
at a Jesuit school. While vet q
young man he migrated to Canada and
occupied an estate at Fort Frontenac
now Kingston. on the shore Of Lake On
tario- Inllamed with the news Of Mar
quette's discoveries. he determined 10
leave his lands and herds and explore the
great Western country and thus secure
Ii for his King. He was probably the
first Of his nation TO plan the holding of
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
Brownsville.

The Brownsville case has been decided
again Deciding the Brownsville case.
however. has come to be a regular habit
with "Uncle Sam" and it is not prob
able that this latest decision will attract
any great amount Of interested atten-
ton, Very few people, indeed, viii be
able TO say, right of the bat. as il were.
whether it Is decision No, 4. II. or A.
1t is, perhaps, worthy Of note. never
theless. that we have reduced these peri
odieal findings to such a smooth and
answering system. In making up a
Brownsville verdict we invariably begin
at the same point. travel over the same
road, and arrive at the same destination
We always find that the soldiers shot
up the town. and that it would not have
happened if everybody had been on the
Job trying TO keep il from happening.
Really. the problem is very simple We
journey from Exhibit A in evidence 10
Exhibit Z. and We overlook no bets as we
go. We never find anybody guilty spe-
cidcally-and we never shall. That would
be a violation of the rules. and unpar-
donable. To fix the blame on individuals
would. 10 doubt. close the Brownsville
case in short order. We opine that
closed Brownsville case would pain
Uncle sam" excessively!
Having disposed of the matter once
more. and as usual there appears to be
nothing TO do now but begin all over
and dispose of it again. Some remotely
good purpose is being served. OF course,
IN keeping il alive and kicking. We have
not the faintest idea what on earth it
IS, bat, being patriotic and American,
we are not vehemently disposed 10 raise
rumpus. We accept the Brownsville
case as one of our oldest inhabitants"
and, therefore. entitled to great respect.
If 1t is fated, like Tennyson's brook. TO
go on forever, far be it from US to throw
chunks at the procession.
Besides, if it should peter out even
tually. there still would be the Ballinger-
Pinchot case. And that little old thing
seems to have settled down to something
like a century run itself!
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
WE HEAR

That DR.. Wyman is now content
with good cigar.
That Frank P. Resides latest
song hit is. Has anybody here
seen Frankief''
That Eddie Droop will do a bare
back act at the annual outing OF
the Board Of Trade.
That Lawrence Sands and Frank
Richardson are always gracious gen
tlemen as well as scholars.
That Mclean and O'Homer ably
represent the Scotch-Irish interests
in Senator Kean's committee.
That Walter H. Klopfer is 70 in
terested in insIuance-thst Is. in
the eommissions-he talks premiums
in his sleep.
That +. ]. McQuade insists that
the Board Of Trade mist have moth
ing but Potomac water 10 drink on
the annual outing.
That Senior Aquero has foreotten
his huff" and acquired a hand
some "Dalghren" future demon
stration. Spanish seofers, beware.
That Louis c. Wilson is raising
onions and radishes in his garden
in the suburbs. The simple life ia
what Louie needs after a day at the
District Building.
That the cameo cut features II
A. Bedford and W. Plant sdom the
fine photo made Of those presens,'
at the Easter festivities On the
White House grounds.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
An Tnknown Painter.

Under the name Scene in Algeria, pic
ture painted by hitherto unknown brush
artist was sent to the Salon des Inde-
pendents Paris. and duly hung there in
the midst Of other celebrated paintings.
Some Of the critics pronounced it to be
OF the tra-impressionistic schaal, and it
ELECTED the praise of many and the won
der OF all who viewed it. The picture in
question was painted" by a donkey
and the word is not used in a figurattve
sense at all, as has been solemnIy sworn
to before a notary. who himself saw the
work created. u. R. Boronaler appears
as the signature at the bottom of the
canvas, ''Boronale" being a transposition
Of the letters of q French slang word
meaning donkey's tail. The practical
jokers who sponsored this hoax on the
Salon des Independents secretly led a
donkey into the studio of one Of their
number, and here. in the presence of a
notary, brush was tied to the end of
the donkey's tail and the patient beast
was backed up against the canvas and
forced to produce work Of art that was
to create considerable comment In Paris
Ian art circles. One glowing color after
another was applied TO the brush. and
when the animal refused to be backed
peaceably. the jokers tickled him In the
ribs until he switched HIS tail criss-cross
In every direction over the canvas. Thus
was the masterpiece started and finished.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
THREATENED.

The inevitable has occurred. We
arr threatened with a libel suit
Cliff Bergman has been closeted
with his legal advisers. and intends
to proceed against US ou account q
the picture which oar clever and
accomplished artist drew CT him in
our last issue. First. he objects 60
The company in which the cartoon
represented him 10 be, and, second,
he AYERS that the portrait was
''libelous. scurrilous, and venom
ously perpetrated. OF course. The
Big Stick viii fight this suit. and
has a witness from his own house
hold TO disprove one count. His
eight-yesr-old son exclaimed last
Saturday az the breakfast table
"Ob, papa. that locks Just like
you"
If a mans own offspring Teoog-
nizes his pictare-well, we have only
20 quote the homily: 1t is a wise
child" &c.
As to the other count, If Cliff
objects TO tbs company he keeps.
why does he keep it, That's what
we'd like 10 know. We can prove
that he was seen regularly with
Harry Rapley. Ben Minor. Rudy
Kaufman. and Ed Walsh at Amer
lean League Park every Afternoon
last season.
The truth Of the matter is that
Cliffs been stuck up ever since that
day he sat in box With Sunny
Jim" Sherman. He does not want
it generally known that he ever as
sociates with anybody lees than Vice
Presidents.
When Cliff gets down of his high
horse. hen find he hasn't a leg TO
stand on.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
THEODORUM LAUDAMUS

Such a banging. such a changing.
Such a racket, such a fuss
Suen a roofing such a footing,
Such yelling, such NUS
Such a snoring, such cavorting,
Such rowling. such a row,
Such a concentrated umpus.
such a syndicated WOW
Hear the kings and princes cheering
See the emperurs don their crowns
See the troops his pathway clearing
See the suilen drop their frownsl
Oh, observe the eager people;
See them falling for his smile!
same old smile, Of course; YOU
know it.
Got all others beat a mileg
All Up aud down gay Europe
They are lighting fires by night,
And even Kaiser Wnhelm
Is a-trembis with delight.
While. as for staid old Edward
England's pride and greatest Joy
Why, Ned's seen nothing like il
Since ne was little BOY
And Nicholas Of Russia.
And his partner-servisu Pete
They feel like small potatoes.
And, at that. not good to eat!
But as for him-Our hero
Hes Unrufied as can be!
He viii tell them: "Europeansl
Well, you do look good 10 me-
You remind me Of the home folks
Bless them all (HeUl vine a
tear.l
Don't forget, I love my people.
And 70 me they're very dearl
But as long as I'm among you,
To my feelings I'll give vent.
And III tell you. if you'll listen,
How TO run your government"
Then he'll tell them all about il
And twill start an awful roaTl
But the folks at home viii get it;
For 7. r.. another score
SO ] voice my country, surely
Like a faithful laureate
When l sing this Joyous message:
Oh, yOi, Teddy! But you're
great "
JAMES CECIL HOOE.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
FOREVER AND A DAY.

I little know or care
II the blsckbird on the boagh
Is filing all the air
With his soft crescendo now:
For she is gone away.
And when she went she took
The springtime In her look,
The peachblow on her cheek.
The laughter from the brock.
The blue frusa out the May
Ard what she calls week
Is forever and a day
It's little that I mind
How the blossoms, pink or whits,
At every touch Of wind
FAN attending with delight;
Fer in the leaf ane.
Beneath the garden boughs,
And through the silent house
One thing alone ! seek.
Until she comes again
The May Is not the May.
And what she calls 4 week
Is forever and a day.
7. B. ALDRIcT
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
misunderstood.

FROM tne ArgOnauts
When Mark Twain was a young and
struggling newspaper writer in San Fran
cisco, and had only too many idle hours
TO while away. lady OF his acquaintance
saw him onesday with a cigar box under
his arm looking in a shop window
mfr. Clemens" she said. Il always see
you with cigar box under your arm.
am afraid you are smoking too much"
ut isn't that" said Mark, I'm moving
again.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
PEOPLE ANDTHINCS
DOGS as Deputies.

DoEH as deputies.
Two hunting dogs have just been Of
hciaily appointed deputies and attached
70 the Office of the State game and fish
commissioner of Missouri, the first time
such a thing has been done in the show
me State. The present commissioner.
Jesse A. Tolerton. has issued a letter
bearing his signature and the seal of
the State Of Missouri which certffies that
Lady and Queen are regularly attached
TO the working force of his office. These
TWO new State employees are OF the Eng
hsh setter variety. and their duties con
sist In walking about and looking wise
where the game wardens suspect that
game is secreted. Their greatest use
fulness is found around the railroad sta
tons Suspicion once aroused here. the
warden simply parades through the plies
of baggage. and when either OF the dogs
following at his heels gives vent TO a
knowing sniff indicative of some sort Of
eiew, the information is followed up by
confiscation Of the luggage in question,
and invariably quail or other game is
discovered in concealment.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-09
The Fastest War shin

The new British torped0-bOat DESTROYER
Swift was more or less Of an expert
mental vessel, intended for as high a
speed as possible under certain conditions
prescribed by the admiralty. In her
trial she showed forty miles an hour for
q period of six hours, at times reaching
the S5-knot mark, and was accepted by
the admiralty, and now is regularly
commissioned in his majesty's navy. The
Swift was laid down in 1866 She is 3f5
feet in length. has a beam of "a feet ?
inches, and at displacement Of 1850
tons, a draft Of 10 feet 3 inches. She
burns oil fuel only, and her engines were
designed to develop 5000 horsepower.
There are four shafts, each carrying one
propeller. She carries several 4-inch
breech-loading rifles There are two
spidery masts, used apparently for Op-
Grating wireless telegraph outfit Be
tween these stand three enormous fun
nels, quite out Of proportion to the re-
mainder of the vessel The impression
produced by q picture OF the Swift is
that Of great power concentrated in a
small space. And, as the above descrip-
ton indicates, she does not belle her ap-
pearance