davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10
The Gentle Cynic

Hope is merely breaking a pair to draw
20 a flush.
When money talks 1t frequently says II
told you So
The man who can bottle up & little sun
shine for rainy day Is a corker
Lots OF fellows get into financial straits
from being crooked.
The average man is one who is Just about
as good as he is bad.
Love will find a way, but the question is
who is going TO pay the freight?
Ambition never grows old. In fact, il
seldom even reaches the age OF maturity.
thing OF beauty is Joy forever or at
least TIL she gets old.
promoter Is a man who earns his daily
bread by the sweat OF some other fellows
brow.
Some people can never take a middle
ground. They are always either attaining
the heights OF folly or the depths OF despair.
In vine veritas' means that some men
never tell the truth tlll they are so drunk
they don't know what they are talking
about
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10
Sunflower Philosophy

Trouble is the balance wheel that keeps
many man from being too gay.
Try to sit on some people and you'll
find them too sharp for you.
No man likes to be interrupted in the
middle of q sentence unless he is serving a
sentence in Jail.
Perhaps the time will come when women
will have more rights than they'll know
what to do with.
You don't have to be an agricultural ex-
pert to refrain from pulling a leg before it
Is ripe. -.
One half the world, driving motor cars,
doesn't know how the other half lodges.
The beauty about thirst for knowledge
is that it leaves no next-morning hang
over.
1t is very careless of girl to drop her
eyes. especially if they are glass eyes.
Love is blind; or at least he doesn't al
ways succeed in shooting straight.
Some people are so sour that even a mos
quito wouldn't bite them.
The way Of the transgressor is certainly
hard-on the rest of us.
Many a man who has a reputation for
dishonesty is really moro skinned against
than skinning.
1.-THE Lord will provide" is a COMFORTING
text for those who are too lazy to hustle
for themselves.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10
Types We Meet Every Day Globe da' r stsa
by BOBBIE BABBLE.

by BOBBIE BABBLE.
Says Trivia: For time I've gotten
The reckless habit Of globe trottin.
l spend a day in London town
Next morning finds me rushing down
Past Norman towers TO gay Paree,
Where on the boulevards see ....
My handsome, wicked Uncle Paul
The worlds a small place after all
Away ! start to see Aunt Sara
Her villas on the Riviera
And next to Germany set off,
To climb the lofty Oberhof.
There on the summit crowned with pine
| meet three old schoolmates OF mine;
II makes me cross to hear them bawl,
The worlds a small place, after allr
"Old German songs sung to a either
Appeal TO ne, so / rush thither,
And on the heights Of Wendelstein,
or floating down the castled Rhine,
listen to the sweet old airs,
Forgetting people and their cares,
Untll we reach some little place,
Where I encounter glum Miss Chase,
Who settles near me like pail
The worlds a small place. after all!
when, for September days, / turn
To rest awhile In fair Lucerne
Whom should / meet right In the town
But that rich. vulgar Millions Brown.
He dogs my steps both night and day;
I've simply got 10 run away.
At home he wouldn't dare 10 call
The worlds small place after all!
Past pyramid and tottering pile
l travel down the ancient Nile,
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10

OmOrrOw-PrOlOnging human Lifo.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10
Good for Doctors.

Doctors Wife-Yes. my husband is so
rushed | scarcely see him five minutes a
day.
Her Fhend-Dear me, has a new epidemic
broken out?
Doctors Wife-No, the people are Begin
ming to return from the fashionable sum
mer resorts.-SeDtember Appincott'A
Omaha daily bee., 1910-09-10

As on my camel's back ride
My drivers smile grows one foot vida
And there find, to my despair,
He drove me at the last ,world's fair.
completely bored, homeward / crawl
Ihe worlds a small place. after aIl!"
Copyright 1910, by the n. Y. Herald G
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
TIE
Exceptional
Eqtxipmer1f

Of the California Fig Syrup Co. and the
scientific attainments Of its chemists have
rendered possible the production Of Syrup
Of Figs and Elixir of Senna, in all Of its
excellence, by obtaining the pure medic
inal principles of plants known to act most
oenefcially and combining them most
skillfully, in the right proportions, with
its wholesome and refreshing Syrup OF
California Figs.
As there is only one genuine Syrup OF
Figs and Elixir Of Senna and as the gen.
uine is manufactured by an original
method known to the California Fig Syrup
Co. only, it is always necessary to buy the
genuine to get its beneficial effects.
A knowledge of the above facts enables
one to decline limitations or to return them
II, upon viewing the package, the full name
Of the California Fig Syrup Co. is not found
printed on the front thereof.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
WORK OF A BUDDING GENIUS
coupIet That Lacked Something o
the Divine Fire, But Strikingly
Original.

The ten-year-old daughter OF an art
ist believes that she is destined to fill
great place in literature, and all her
spare moments are devoted to writing
poetry about every conceivable sub
ject. according to the San Francisco
Wasp. Recently she attended her
first chruch wedding, and SO filled with
inspiration was she that she imme
diately began to write a poem descrip
tive Of the event. A few days after
ward, when her mother was entertain
ing friends, the youthful prodigy asked
permission to read her poem before
the guests. Her mother humored he
with not little secret pride. Stanz'
by stanza the poem progressed unit
the young lady reached the poin
where the description of the brides
maids was set forth. There one o
her couplets read thus:
Some had pug noses and some hat
Roman,
And each wore blue ribbon abou
her abdomen.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

closed in with self-closing doors; the
trimmings and decorations should be
plastic and colored decoration-avoid
the wooden wainscoting and wooden
ceiling as you would the pestilence.
Put on the minimum of gew gaws and
frills. Good concrete construction is
not combustible, but Manageable by
fire and is eminently satisfactory for
house building as a fireproof material.
We speak here of the fireproof fea-
ture of house building because 1t is
the intention to say something about
bungalows, class of buildings usu-
ally far removed from fire stations,
The bungalow has found its place in
America, and is here to stay. 1t orig
mated in India, where originally 1t
was built in the jungles and raised
high in the air to protect the occu-
pants against the attacks of wild ami
mails and serpents. But now 1t Is
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
SEVENTY YEARS OF EATING
In That Length Of Time a Man Con.
sumes 95 Tons Of Food and
Drink.

II man of 20 years was starving,
1t would probably be little comfort to
him to think that he had consumed in
the course of his life fifty-three and
three-quarter tons of solid food and
forty-two and three-quarter tons of
liquor, or about 1880 times his own
weight in both solids and liquids, but
1t would be true.
Being man of average appetite and
purse he would have eaten is tons of
bread, which would have made a single
loaf containing 1900 cubic feet and
appearing about as large as the aver.
age suburban home; and on this bread
he would have spread one ton of but
ter. II his bacon had been cut in a
single slice, says Harper's Weekly.
the strip would have been four miles
long and his chops placed end to end
would have extended two miles.
Twenty ordinary sized bullocks have
supplied him with beef, IS tons of
which he has eaten, along with five
tons OF fish and 10000 eggs and $50
pounds OF cheese. II he had elected
to have all his vegetables served at
once they would have come to him In
train of cars, the pod containing all
his peas being over three miles long.
He has had 5000 pounds of sugar
1,500 pounds of salt, eight pounds OF
pepper and 100 cans of mustard. Three
pints Of liquid a day would have
amounted to 76.600 pints. or forty-two
and three-quarter tons. If he had been
smoker, he would have burned about
half a ton OF tobacco In a pipe, or, II
he preferred cigarettes. would have
smoked about a quarter of a million.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Special Note from Atchlson.

The engagement of Mr.. Hiram Har-
desty and Miss Suzette Snarley is an
nounced. II occurred the other even
ing at 9:45 on the red sofa in Miss
Snarley's parlor. The young lady was
dressed in black, and wore no orna.
ments. She did not look unusually
pretty, and what caused the young
mans mental alteration is not known
Neither one could remember exactly
what was said, and both admitted II
was not the first time he kissed her
We print the details for the romantic
young things who are always curious
to know how an engagement is brought
about.-Atchison Globe.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Purchasing Power.

A young gentleman Of our ac-
quaintance, who had just reached the
age of six, was recently waiting with
hjs mother for train at railway
station. when he noticed penny-in-
the-slot weighing machine. He asked
his mother great many questions
about 1t, and at last received permits
sion to drop in his penny and be
weighed. Having obtained that i'm
portant information, he said: How
much would have weighed, mamma.
II / had dropped in a dollar?"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

The question is often asked, What
is fireproof house?" The term is
somewhat relative, and 1t has been
and Is SO much abused that people
have grown a trihe skeptical about 1t.
Even intelligent architects have been
known to use little wire lath on their
partitions and then with superlative
effrontery call the building fire
proof" A fireproof house is one not
only built of incombustible materials,
but In slch way that even a confla-
grafton will inflict but the slightest
and most easily repaired damage; one
in which fire cannot travel from point
to point via the structural parts. and
one In which fire can be confined to
some one unit of space or room in
which 1t originates. even though the
entire interior may contain combus-
tible furniture and fittings.
Many materials, while incombustible
in themselves, can be very greatly
damaged by fire. Thus II is with gran
ite, marble, stone, iron, concrete, glass.
etc. These materials. If used. and
they all have their place, should be so
arranged or protected that fire can
not assail or damage them. The really
fireproof house is the one in which the
exterior walls are of well-burnt brick,
terra Gotta or concrete, whose roof is
tile, slate or cement and asbestos
shingles; its floors and partitions
should be hollow tiles or concrete; its
windows should be metal sash and
wired glass; the stairs should be
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Aluminium Coins for France.

1t is expected that aluminium coins
of low value will be In circulation In
France by the end of this year. II Is
interesting to note, in this connection
that the adoption of M. Naquet's prop
osition for an aluminium coinage in
1871 would have resulted In heavy
loss to the French treasury. Although
experts declared 1t to be impossible
that the value Of the metal should de-
crease. 1t has cow fallen to nearly half
the price ruling at that time.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

is the kitchen. On the second fiooi
are four bedrooms and a bathroom.
Now, as to the fire proofing of this
house. Little additional expense will
be necessary outside that for the ex.
terror walls. These, constructed In
a proper way Of stone or concrete. will
prevent any communication of fire
from the exterior. An additional pre-.
caution should be taken by using
metal sash.
Such house will require little or
no insurance. Living in fireprooi
house is not only the wisest policy. but
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

house. My back ached all the time and
l was utterly weak, unable at times to
walk without assistance. The kidney
secretions were very irregular. Doan's
Kidney Pills restored me to good
health, and l am able to do as much
work as the average woman, though
nearly eighty years old"
Remember the name-Doan's. Sold
by all dealers. so cents box. Foster.
Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

of the fireproof variety. 1t may be
built of granite or of concrete blocks
Note the wide exterior chimney that
gives an intimation of the hespitable
fireplace within. The house is en-.
tered either from the porch at the left
or In the front. The one in front
opens into large reception hall. The
house, by the way, is 46 feet inches
vide and "a feet 6 inches long, a
building of sufficient size to meet
The parlor, IL by 10 feet, Is a
pleasant room and back of 1t is the
large dining room. To the left of this
room Is the library and on the righ'
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
The Cost Of Politics.

In his "reminiscences of Grover
Cleveland George f. Parker tells a
story concerning prodigal expendi-
lures in politics. A rich man who
had been nibbling at the Democratic
nomination for governor of New York
asked William G. Whitney's advice.
This is the advice: "Of course, you
ought to run! Make your preliminary
canvass, and when you have put in
100000 you will have become so
much interested in 1t that you will
feel like going ahead and spending
some money"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

seen In all parts of the civilized world,
nesting on the crags OF the sea and
in the prairie towns of the west
Everywhere 1t presents an air of hos
pitality and its environment forms an
ideal of what cozy home should be-
The bungalow is in reality only a de-
yelopmert of the cottage. It is usu-
ally placed low on the ground and the
indoors seems to join hands with the
outdoors. In choosing site for a
bungalow the artistic location of the
house should be the first considera-
tion. In fact, this Is the vital point.
1t should have large lot and should
not be placed too near large struc-
ture. II will be better to place the
house on one side of the lot or well
back to provide plenty of lawn room.
And the shrubbery and flower beds
should be so arranged that In the re-
sulting picture seen by the passer by
the garden and the house will seem to
be one.
Now. the bungalow shown here Is
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
The Darky's Idea Of IL.

A correspondent of the Walker
County Messenger tells this one:
"A darky was on trial In the GRIM
inal court last week on a charge OF
bigamy. After the jury has returned
verdict of guilty Judge McReynolds
remarked:
'"The best can do, Crum, Is to
give you the minimum
"Lordy. mercy me. jedge. don't dc
dat! I'd rather go to the pen,' said
um."--Atlanta Constitution.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Hypnotism Lona Rec qnized.

Hypnotism has been recognized by
the medical profession since the If
teenth century and in the last 100
years has been experimental and test
ed out in thousands of cases by such
savants as Charcot in Paris and Bern
helm in Nancy, yet with all these
years of trial its results have not JUS
titled its practical and general use in
sickness.-New York Press.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

DR.. s. F. Spohn, President of the
Spohn Medical Co., proprietors Of
Spohn's Distemper Cure, was recently
elected mayor Of Goshen, Ind, by a
good majority. Mr.. Spohn was for a
number of years County Supt. Of
Schools, making such record that his
neighbours and friends, regardless Of
political lines, insisted on his accepting
the nomination for mayor.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Prescriptions Not General.

Some people look on doctors pre-
scription in the same light as cook
cry recipe and pass it on to their
friends for general use. They forget
that some symptoms may come from
totally different causes and that to
take medicine prescribed for a
friend is a very risky thing to do and
may do q great deal of harm.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Catarrh Cannot Be Cured

With LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach
the seat OF the disease Catarrh Is blood consti-
tutonal disease and In order to you must take
Internal remedies Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken In
ternay and acts directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces. Halls Catarrh Cure Is not quack medi-
cpe IL was prescribed by one OF the best physicians
IN this country for years and regular prescription
IL Is composed Of the best tonics known. combines.
with the best blood purifiers acting directly on the
mucous surfaces. The perfect combination OF the
two ingredients Is what produces such wonderful
suits In curing catarrh Send for testimonials free
+. J. CHENEY a CO.. Props. Toledo. q
Sold by Druggists. price 75c.
TAke Halls Family Pills for conatipatlou.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
That SinuIe Thouuht.

You've heard the old story of sweet
welded bliss, of the two hearts that
flutter as one, and the two souls single
thought sealed with kiss. and have
wondered. no doubt, how twas done.
AS a wise one who was by experience
taught, this effect we will briefly ex-
plain; in most of the cases that "one
single thought" is: Il wish was sim
gle again!"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
AVOIDING Popularity.

How shall we avoid popularity"
John Wesley once asked his preach
ers, and straightway gave them the
answer in set of rules. Here is rule
4: Warn the people among whom you
are most of esteeming or loving you too
much" And here is rule 5; Converse
sparingly with those who are partic-
ularly fond of YOU"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

not tell what Doan's
Kidney Pills hav Q
done for me. Fifteen
years kidney trouble
clung to me, my ex-
istence was one of
misery and for two
whole years l was un.
able to go out of the
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Debut of the oreen-Eyed.

ADAM couldn't believe my eyes
when first beheld you!
Eve (wrathfully)-So you were ex-
pecting some other woman, were you ?
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
THE BOY AND HIS AUNT.

Little Nephew-Auntie, did you
marry an Indian?
Aunt--Why do you ask such silly
question. Freddy?
Little Nephew-Well, ! saw some
scalps on your dressing table.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Don't let your right hand know
what your left hand Is doing. 1t
might be very notifying to the
right hand.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Mr.. William A. Radford will answer
questions and give advice FREE OF
COST on all subjects pertaining to the
subject of building for the readers of
this paper. On account of his wide expe-
rience as Editor, Author and Manufac-
turer, he is. without doubt, the highest
authority on all these subjects. Address
all inquiries TO William A. Radford. No.
1874 Fifth Ave, Chicago, ILL.,. and only
enclose two-cent stamp for reply.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
The Sad and Splendid.

Solomon was in despair.
"My wives gave me 700 samples to
match on my way downtown this
morning" he cried.
Herewith he became color blind.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

ALL uP-TO-DATE HOUsEKEEPERs
IJse Red Cross Ball Blue. 1t makes clothes
elean and sweet 40 when new. All gvocers
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
"IuIius caesarv Sent 10 Bed.

At the British Authors club ban
quet In his honor, Lieut.. Shackleton
told an amusing story of man who
went home one night after dinner and
took with him four or five others.
Come in, boys" he said, "and have
a last drink"
But your wife might not like It.
one of the party replied.
MY wife!" was the answer; II am
julius Caesar In my house"
On entering they we're received by
the lady Of the house with the words:
"Oh, walk In, gentlemen; there is
plenty of drink In the dining room. As
for julius Caesar, he is going to bed. :"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

The next time you have a cold on the
lungs try rubbing Wizard Oil on your
chest and see how quickly it will draw out
the inflammation and break up the cold
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
What the Name Means.

"Pa, what is pony coat?"
Something I've got to work like q
horse for to keep your mother peace
able. Detroit Free Press.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

A woman would rather suspect heI
husband than distrust her preacher.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

A Wise man suppresses fully two
thirds of his opinions.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

,ou're coughing and gasptng. When you've an old
fashioned deep-seated cold, take Aliens Lung Bal
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
FREED AT LAST
From the Awful Tortures OF Kidney
Disease.

Mrs. Rachel Ivie. Henrietta, Texas,
SAYS: 81 would be ungrateful IL / did
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Lest One Should Fail.
II is well to moor your bark with
two anchors.-Publius Syrus.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

"Pa, what is a football coach?"
"The ambulance, | guess"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03
Their Intent

Their Intent.
you so seldom see fire escape on
churches"
But. come to think Of 1t, that is
what the whole building Is for"
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
For children teethng softens tho gums, reduces In
nsmmAtion says palm, cures wind colio 2oc bottle.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Every man has his gift. and the
tools go to him that can use them
G. Kingsley.
The Beaver herald. [volume] (Beaver, O.T. [Okla.]) 1895-1923, 1910-02-03

Occasionally a thin woman acquires
the art of not showing II.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1910-11-26

his father busy there, his unwonted lingering
over meals and his unusual talkativeness When
Jim entered the library with awkward, 81 think
I'll study here if you don't mind, his father would
nod pleasant acquiescence' and turn to his work
again, leaving Jim to his books with consideration
for his sons study hours that would have quickly
unsealed the boys lips had he understood it. He
did not know how his father watched him while he
struggled over a tough problem in algebra or
wrestled with knotty passage of Cicero
1t had never taken Jim long to get acquainted
with any of the boys he knew. He grew impatient
of delay; had he given up Panama for this?
Two weeks had dragged their unsuccessful way
through Putney, and Jin1's sardor had dued to a
somewhat discouraged persistence when, turning
corner in company with a half-dozen boys one
Saturday afternoon, he caught sight of his father
swinging down the other side of the street, head
ing for the woods and fields on his usual Saturday
afternoon tramp An idea struck Jim
Il say, fellows" he cried you'll have excuse
me this afternoon. Sorry-Good-by"
He sprinted after the tall striding figure.
AS the rapid steps that overlook him brought
his sons face alongside, Mr.. Bradstreet stopped
abruptly, why, Jm What's the matter7 Any
thing wanted--?"
ooh, don't stop, father Keep on, please. just
wanted to ask-do you mind if 1 along?"
All that afternoon father and son tramped the
country roads Through the fields they pushed ex-
plored thicket-tangled woods, investigated a swamp
examined the forsaken nests of flicker and hum
ming-bird, and exchanged opinions every subject
that occurred to them from sermons to sharing rab