davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1910-07-29
Hu1nor and
Philosophy
EARRING THE THEORY.
D. DUNCAN N. SMITH

JAnnlN0 lHe InGOni.
TN theory money despise;
L In practice, though. l chase 1t,
For every cent that can get
know where can place it |
Yes, be the coin the dollar tickle
Or only the elusive nickel.
For what is money anyway
That any one should prize It?
Al observed in stanza one.
In theory despise it.
But circumstances make me heedful
OF any chance to grab the needful
wish that could figure out
Some scheme to do without It.
Then would throw the stun away
Quite promptly. do not doubt It.
But Id he careful where threw Il,
10 when in need could 60 to 1t.
Why can't men live on heights sublime
And cease to chase the sordid
And filthy lucre that they now
Are having baled and corded?
Unless to tell the truth IL treason.
We have to own up there's . reason.
Man wants but little here below
That sayings now exploded.
He wants the earth. and to secure
A part he must go loaded.
For all the theories he may utter
Won't serve to pass the bread and butter.
Just For Practice.
Guilty or not guilty?"
mot guilty" promptly responded the
prisoner.
But you snatched the mans pocket
book" said the judge.
Il admit it,
land was pursued for three blocks
by an angry crowd"
YES"
"Aud still you say you are not
grilty?"
Guilty? Never: was just in
training for foot race"
Harmless.
"Is he a ishtery'
"ln his way"
"ln his way?"
Eyes"
But what is his way?'
HE is chronic objector to the gen
eral run of things and hes it all tig.
ured out theoretically to such an eX.
tent that he has used up all his energy
in theory. so has nothing left for prac.
teal purposes"
Sausage?
''They have disposed Of their dog"
"What-the Wilkinses:"
EYES"
II thought they were awtully fond
Of him."
''1hey are
why did they dispose Of him?"
"Ihe high cost Of living forced them
to it,"
Golden Valley chronicle. (Beach, Billings County, N.D.) 1905-1916, 1910-07-29

Good treatment Is what the fellow
gets who kncws how to put up the
smooth spell.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
NEW JERSEY STATE NEWS
Deer Slayers Must Pay Fines.

The convictions of Lewis H. Bar.
rett, prominent politician and hotel
man of Pleasantville, and Harry
Stewart, the first for having a doe In
his possession and the latter for kill
ing a buck fawn last deer season.
were sustained by County Judge
Higbee, before whom the case was
appealed from the Court of Magis-
trate Iszard, of Mays Landing. The
Stewart case attracted the attention
of old deer hunters throughout New
Jersey. The fawn in question had
two Spikes" protruding from its
skull, each about an inch and a half
high, but covered with fur. The con-
tention of State Warden Loyeless,
who made the arrest, was to the effect
that a fawn does not become a
buck" until the horns break through
the skin and are plainly visible. The
hunters, backed by a large number
of sportsmen, made a test case OF the
law by asserting that the animal in
question was large enough to be
legally killed. Every library in Tren'
ton was searched for information,
and leading deer breeders were ap-
pealed to. Lawyer William l. Gar
rison, who was one of the party that
captured the deer, brought every eff
fort to bear on the cas- to have the
decision of Magistrate Iszard re-
versed, but Judge Higbee, after con-.
sidering the briefs, decided that the
defendants must pay the 500 fine.
and costs originally imposed. In the
case of the doe the evidence was con-
elusive.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Our Three-FOld Gospel.

The Gospel of our Lord Jesus
Christ is a three-fold Gospel. You
all know that gospel" means glad
tidings" or good news" There are
three parts to the good news.
The first part is Christ for US on
the cross. That God took every n
of your sins, and every Il OF mine,
and laid them on Jesus Christ, so
that to-day there is not a cloud be-
tween US and God.
The second part of the Gospel is
Christ in US, the secret of a VIC
torious life. There is no use IF our
trying to initiate Jesus Christ, but
God through the Holy Spirit forms
the living Christ in US, so that Christ
in us lives out His life day by day.
The third part of the Gospel Is
Christ with us. He is not with US
fully now. He is with US, of course,
in the presence and power of the
Spirit. But the Lord Jesus left this
earth. He is now our absent Lord,
but He is coming back again. We
are going to have Him with us, deliy-
ering us from the very presence OF
sin.-R. A. Torrey.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
MAGAZINE ExPLoDEs; is DIE.
Trees and Houses Leveled For Miles
Around Hull, Canada.

Trees and Houses Leveled For Miles
Around Hull, Canada.
Ottawa, Ont.-Five tons of an ex-
plosive in a magazine exploded at
the works of the General Explosives
Company, near Hull, and fifteen per-
sons were killed and scores were in
jured. Many of the victims had
formed part of a crowd at a ball game
and persisted in watching the fire at
the works after having been warned
of the peril if the big magazine ex-
ploded.
Everything within a radius of a
mile and a half of the works vas torn
and shattered. Giant trees were
snapped off close to the earth, barns
and houses were converted into
kindling wood.
Many small houses were wrecked
in Hull and larger buildings were
damaged, while in Ottawa, four miles
away, the Government and other
buildings were shaken and many
windows were smashed.
The known dead are: Robert Agh,
sixty-three years old; Horace An
derson, Joseph Redard, John Blash-
field, struck by a stone as he was sit
ting on the doorstep of his home sur
rounded by his family; Rosalie and
Yolande Carriere, struck by a stone.
which came through the roof of their
house; Antoine Cervante, twelve
years old; Theodore Gagne, Leonard
Jardine, badly crushed; Ferdinand
Laurin, three ears old; Albert Lee
blanc, Louis Mccain, a boy, struck by
a big stone; William Sabairin, TWEEN
ty-four years old; boy and girl, found
together, and too badly crushed to be
recognized.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
sacri6ces Foot: Saves Life.

The presence of mind of Miss
Eleanor White, twenty-five years old.
saved her life when in walking along
the tracks of the Pennsylvania Rail-
road, near Scudder's Falls, her foot
became caught in a frog. AS she
struggled to extricate it a train, run
ming at a high speed, approached
Realizing that the engine driver could
not stop in time to escape striking
her, Miss White decided to sacrifice
her foot rather than take chances OF
being killed. She threw herself to
the ground, leaning as far away from
the rail as she could. She dug her
hands in the turf to keep from being
dragged under the locomotive. When
the locomotive struck her foot, which
was still held fast by the frog, 1t was
SO severely injured that at the Mer-
Ger Hospital, to which Miss White
was taken, it was found necessary to
amputate it.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Our b World.

He who thinks deeply lives deeply.
We can go through life drifting along
on the surface of things, neve know
ing all the sweep and force of the
mighty stream that bears humanity
onward. But the men and women
who live deeply, whose thought is
serious, who have in more or less de-
gree the consciousness that they are
here for a purpose, are living with
God; even now they are in the eternal
order. In all true men and women
that is the growing thought of the
years.
AS a fact we find that conviction
stronger among the aged, when the
failure of the body seems well nigh
complete. The outward man per
ishes. but the inward man is renewed
day by day-yes, renewed in the pro-
found and inspiring and blessed
thought that in spite of all the sin
and suffering it is still Gods world
which He is guiding to some divine
end.-Rev. George D. Latimer.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
EARTHQUAKE RUINS CARTAGO
Over 800 Dead in Ancient Costa
Rican City.
Coming Without Warning and Last
ing 18 Seconds the Old Capital
Collapsed Burying Hundreds.

San Jose, Costa Rica.-The earth
quake which laid waste the town of
Carriage, in the province of Carriage,
occurred at $50 o'clock p. m. 1t
came without warning, and continued
about eighteen seconds.
In that brief space of time the
buildings of the place collapsed,
dead were first estimated at 500, but
it is believed that the fatalities were
much greater. Many hundreds more
were injured. Late next day 500 bod
les had been recovered.
Carriage is the oldest city Of Costa
Rica, and Is twenty miles to the east
of San Jose, and at a much higher al
titude than the capital. It's buildings,
with the exception of the Carnegie
Peace Palace, were almost all built in
the old Spanish style. Its 10000 in
habitants generally are as blond as
the Saxons.
The climate is excellent, being cool
and i~nvigorating, and the town has
been much favored for the location
of a sanitarium blythe authorities Of
the Canal zone.
The ancient town had suffered con-
tinuously from earthshocks since the
middle of April, and the series of
quakes did much damage to property
between April 10 and 10.
Since the latter date the people had
become rather Indifferent to the
slight tremors, which have continued.
This violent shock took them by sur
prise.
Paraiso, a village of 1000 inhab-
itants, about eighteen miles east of
San Jose, also suffered severely from
the earthquake. Reports indicate
that nearly 100 persons were killed
there.
Large assures have opened up in
Carriage Province and have caused adj
ditional alarm. Ten thousand per-
sons have Teen rendered homeless,
and the severe rains and lack of food
and drinking water are responsible
for much suffering. 1t has been found
impossible to provide shelter for the
people, who are huddled together in
a pitiable condition.
The ceremony attending the inau-
gnration Of Ricardo Jiminez as Presi-
dent of Costa Rica took place on n
Of the plazas in San Jose, owing to
the fact that the people feared to en-
ter the Government Building.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Cold storage Chickens Fatal.

DR.. Richard Cole Newton, of Mont.
clair, said that George Fisk Comfort
director of the Syracuse Museum oil
Art and one of the founders of the
New York Metropolitan Museum OF
Art, died from the effects of eating
chicken gumbo soup made from cold
storage chickens. Mr.. Comfort died
in the home of his son, Ralph M
Comfort, Of No. 145 Lincoln street
Montclair, attended by DR.. Newton
whom he told that when in New York
City he stopped in a restaurant and
ate some chicken gumho SOUP He
was taken ill on the train. DIR. New.
ton said: From my observation OF
the case, I believe the soup poisoned
him, and that the soup was made
from cold storage chickens that were
in bad condition"
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
FRENCH SOCIALISTS GAIN.

Capture Fourteen Seats From Gov.
ernment-CastelIane is Defeated.
Paris, France.-The second ballots
for 229 seats in the Chamber of Depu-
ties throughout France passed off
quietly.
Late returns showing the election
of 1913 Deputies give 116 to the Gov
eminent, A to the Socialist, and 36
to the parties of the Right. The Gov
eminent has lost IA seats and the So
cialists have gained IA. The other
parties stand as before.
Count Boni de Castellane was de-
feated for reelection by the Radical
Republican Perchod. M. Jaures, lead
er of the Socialists, was reelected.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
RAILWAY BILL PASSED
VOTE IS 200 TO E6.
First United Republican Action
of This Session.
INSURGENTS FORCED CHANGES
Amendment Permitting Mergers in
"Certain Conditions" Fails
Senate Expected to Reject Phys.
ical Valuation Section.

Washington, D. C.-The Republi-
cans of the House, uniting for the
first time this session, passed the adj
ministration railroad bill. The meas
ure went through by a vote of 200 to
126. Not a Republican strayed from
the fold. Ten Democrats, on the
other hand, deserted the minority at
the critical moment.
While the bill contains some pro-
visions that are Objectionable to Pres
ident Taft, administration leaders
were elated over the fact that the
measure was now on its way to the
Senate, and Republicans generally
agreed that "a good railroad bill"
will be enacted.
The indications are that the admin
istration measure pending in the SEN
ate will be passed. 1t will then go to
a conference committee representing
the two houses. There are provisions
in the House bill that will not be
accepted by the Senate. Among the
more Objectionable is one authorizing
the Interstate Commerce Commission
to make a physical valuation of rail-
road property. This proposition was
rejected by the Republican national
convention of 1908 by a vote of 10
to l..
Another section of the House bill
that will NEE. opposition in the SEN
ate is that declaring telegraph and
telephone companies to be common
carriers" Senate Republicans and
the House leaders agree that if tele-
graph and telephone companies are
to be brought under the interstate
commerce law that they should be
dealt with in a separate bill.
There r other amendments in the
House bill that are bound to excite
controversy in conference, but the
shared by Republicans in the House
and Senate, that a compromise will
be effected that will have the support
Of a comfortable Republican majority
In both branches.
In the preliminary skirmish lead
ing up to the passage of the bill in
surgents and some regulars sided
with the minority, but on the final
count Speaker Cannon had the salts
faction of announcing a result that
was brought about by the responsible
majority acting as a unit for the first
time in this Congress.
The Democrats who supported the
bill on the ground that it marked a
step forward in the direction of gov
ernmental regulations of railroads
were Messrs. Russell, Gillespie,
Hardy and Smith, of Texas; Bou and
Kitchin, of North Carolina; Jameson,
of Iowa; Saunders, of Virginia; Mich
oils, of Pennsylvania, and Bartlett, of
Nevada.
Just before the passage of the bill,
Representative Mann, of Illinois, en-
deavored to secure the adoption of an
amendment making mergers of rail-
ways legal under certain circum-
stances. The section of the measure
which authorizes mergers had been
eliminated by a combination Of in
surgents and Democrats.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
AERoNAUTs INJURED BY FALL.
Forbes and His Companion Found
Unconscious in Kentucky.

Glasgow, Ky.-A. Holland Forbes,
an aeronaut, and j. Darlington
Yates, assistant, both of New York
City, were found unconscious in the
wrecked basket of the balloon Vik-
ing, which landed near Center, Met
calf County, thirty miles from this
place.
Mr.. Forbes was identified by a
card bearing his name. He and
Yates were taken to the home of a
farmer and a physician was called.
Forbes partly regained consciousness
and told in a dazed fashion of having
started out from Quincy, ILL.,, in an
attempt to reach New York City.
When the balloon came down a
farmer and his son went out to see
what was the matter and found them
lying in the bottom of the basket, un.
conscious. They were carried to the
farmers house.
There was no food or drink in the
basket of the balloon; it must have
been either eaten or thrown over
board.
The physician said both men will
recover.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
News of Sports.

r. L. SPOTS won the annual trap
shooting championship of the Larch-
mont Yacht Club.
The intercollegiate Football Rules
Committee postponed action on the
list of amendments.
w. Gould Brokaw's black pony
Live Wire won two races at the Rock
away Hunting Clubs meeting at Ce-
darhurst.
w. Mott. of Riverside, N. J., de-
feated W. e. Shackelord. of the home
club. on the nineteenth green in the
dnal Of the golf tournament at ATTAIN
tic City.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
ATTACKS woman: Gets Beaten.

William Bingle had his head in
bandages when he was arraigned be.
fore Recorder Carroll on a charge OF
assault, at Paterson. He had coms
from the hospital, and his injuries
were inflicted by Mrs. John Miskz.
rama, wife of q Straight street sa'
loonkeeper. In the absence of her
husband the woman was tending bal
when Bingle, it is alleged, walked be-
hind the bar and attacked the woman.
who quickly put him to rout. He
was fined SO.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
TOM BYRNEs DEAD AT es.
Terror of New York City Criminals
Cr,oorp,hc IN Tann TIIrocc

Terror of New York City Criminals
Succumbs to Long Illness.
New York City.-Thomas Byrnes,
famous as Superintendent of Police
and as inspector in charge of the de-
tective bureau years ago, died at his
home, No. 318 West Seventy-seventh
street. E:e was ~sixty-eight years old,
and had been i'll for more than two
years, suffering from chronic indiges-
ton. His illness took a turn for the
worse a month ago. He was a mill
ionaire.
With MI. Byrnes when he died
were his wife and his five daughters
Mrs. Charles A. Hickey, Mrs. Frank
ConvilIe, Mrs. George Mcdonald and
the Misses Amy and Jessie Byrnes.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
RIM Down by Auto.

Taylor Sherman, aged sixty-ive, OF
Asbury Park, died in the Spring Lake
Hospital from injuries he received
when a bicycle he was riding and an
automobile collided on South Main
street, M~anasquan. The auto was
owned and operated by Walter Voor-
hees, of Philadelphia. In the effort
to avoid the collision voorhees, drove
his car into a tree. He was hurled
out, but escaped with a shaking up.
The auto was wrecked.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Dances 600 Times, Earns 5000.

Miss Antonio Ropezak, twenty
three years old, was married to JOS
eph Barry, twenty-six, in Venice, Ill.
They returned to East Madison, and
at night the festivities began. Ac-
cording 20 a Polish custom, every
man present is expected to dance
around the room with the bride and
to hurl a silver dollar at a china plate.
If he breaks the plate he may dance
again. In any event. the bride keeps
the money. When the proceeds were
counted at daylight the bride had six
hundred silver dollars. AS some
plates were broken, she must have
danced mere than 600 times,
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Prominent PeopIe.

The Kings of Denmark and Sweden
watched the flights of five aeroplanes
at Nice.
Judge Peter s. Grosscup. OF Chi
cago. back home, told how he lost his
letter Of credit at Monte Carlo.
Archbishop O,Connell attacked ex-
President Roosevelt before the Fed
Grated Catholic Societies at Lowell
Mass.
Prince Tsai Tao, of China. and his
ROYAL suite were welcomed in New
York City on their arrival from WASH
jngton, 2. g,
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Find Child All Ablaze.

While in the field picking straw
berries for supper, G.. Depine and his
wife heard a scream and saw a puff
of smoke in the dooryard. Running
to the house, they found their three
year-old son on fire. The child was
so badly burned that he died before
DR.. Cunningham, in a swift automo-
bile, could reach the scene. 1t Is
supposed he was playing with
matches.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
In AN Parts Of the State.

Bridgeport shad fishermen aver
aged $40 a day.
The Rev. ]. A. Pierson has accept
ed the p~astorate of Allen Chapel A.
M. E. Church, Vineland.
Judge fuller appointed Maurice
Florentine, of Vineland, as an inter-
prefer in the Cumberland County
Courts, at a salary Of $500 a year.
City Collector E. w. Burleigh, who
recently resigned from the Ocean City
Board of Health, has been succeeded
by John r. Groves.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Veterans, BilI is signed.

Governor Hughes, at Albany, N. Y,
signed the bill of Senator Cobb, which
provides that veterans of the regular
army in the Spanish War and the
Philippines instruction prior to July
a, 1902, when holding positions in
the public service shall not be re-
moved except after a hearing upon
charges proved.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
An ImpossibiIity.

Farmers can't get farm hands no
more"
: &c to the crowded cities. Take
some moving pictures of life on the
farm and exhibit them"
How a we take moving pictures
Of life on the farm? We can't ketoh
the hired man in motion. Louis
vile Courier Journal
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
JEALOUS LOVER KILLS FIANCEE.
Then Angry Youth Shoots Himself
and is Likely to Die.

Lynchburg, Va.-In a jealous rage.
John Going shot and instantly killed
his sweetheart, a Miss B%anton, in low
er Amherst County, because he found
the young woman out driving with
his brother.
He then turned the revolver upon
himself and inflicted a wound which
probably will prove fatal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Bow of 10 Saves Sister of 8.

Amelia Kimble, eight years old,
was saved from drowning at Ham
burg by her brother. James, ten years
old. She was on an errand with sew
eral companions and tried to o a
brook on a plank bridge. She slipped
and fell in. Her head struck a stone
and she was so dazed she could not
help herself. James waded in, caught
her dress and held her up until help
came.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Have Perfect Trust.

The infinite Father does not stand
by us to be catechized and explain
himself to our vain minds. He is
here for our trust; and If We will but
lean on Him u chatting heart shall
sleep the sweet sleep of recovery
We must not carry the habits and ex-
actions of vision into the hours OF
its loss; If we do but take His hand
He will lead us as the blind by a way
that we know not: and we cannot go
astray while He abides.-EyangelicaI
Herald,
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Splinter Causes Fatal Lockjaw.

Miss Caroline E. Bogart, twenty.
six years old, died at Easton, Pa.
from lockjaw caused by a splinter
which she accidentally ran into her
hand three weeks ago. A sister died
from the same malady eleven ear
ago.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Made Deaf by Lightning Shock.

Charles J. Fithian, a dairyman,
living just out of Bridgeton. lost his
hearing as a result of a lightning
shock. Mr.. Fithian had just laid
aside a telephone receiver he had
been using when a binding bolt tore
through the room and tore a large
hole in the wall just above his head.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Those Who Walk Pay

For the Increased Cost.
Boston.-The chief cause of the
high prices of leather and rubber
boots and shoes is the constant adj
vance in the cost of materials. There
were 100000 sides of leather used in
the manufacture of automobiles last
year, while the demand for rubber
for automobile tires was enormous.
The price of crude rubber has risen
from sixty-seven cents a pound in
1907 to So this year, so the Massa-
chusetts Commission on the Cost of
Living reports.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
A Hotel Thief Sentenced

At Berne, Switzerland, John Tauer
of New York City, nineteen year old
who confessed to numerous robberies
of hotels at Berne, Zurich and Lu.
zerne, was sentenced to five months
Imprisonment,
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Biography Barred.

"Shucks, what does the census
amount to-"
whats the trouble, Uncle Peleg?"
"All that burned enumerator want
ed was a lot of figgers. Wouldn't pay
70 attention to the details of my
rheumatism or my fust marriage
louisville Courier-Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Too Much of a Target.

Brown-"How did you feel, Jones,
when the burglar had you covered
with his revolver-pretty small. eh?"
Jones-"Small! Great Scott, uol
/ felt as big as the side of a house.
Boston Transcript.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
For Practice.

Uncle Ellery-"Now, I'll learn We
to milk the cow"
Nephew (from the city)-"Oh,
uncle, I'm kinder 'fraid of the cow;
couldn't I just as well learn on the
calf?"-Life.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
The Reverse Proposition.

81 got a Black Hand letter from q
philanthroupist to-day. Says he is de.
termined to die poor"
whats the rest of it,"
"Why, he states that he has hidden
$4,000 in a hollow tree, and de-
mands that I go get it."-Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Keen 1t Going.

"Change the name of Oshkosh?
Bosh."-New York Herald.
COR Kalamazoo? ."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
"Or Jersey City? Would be a
pity."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Trouble in the Home.

Madam, I deceive no one; 1 am
not t~wo-faced!"
Fortunately, my friend. One like
yours is quite enough."-Sourire.
The Penn's Grove record., 1910-05-13
Seeing's Believing.

"Yes; but, Mr.. Briggs, how could
you tell the motor car was travelling
at the rate of fifty miles an hour?"
why, becos OF seed the wheels
agoin' round."-The Taller.