davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
Action of the Veterans

The selection of Little Rock as tine meeting place of the Twenty-frst reunion was certainly just, for Arkansas has never had an opportunity to entertain the vet erans, and that state holds a great many of them. The final vote at Mobile was: Little RocE 147o. Chattanooga $40, Okla homa City 1T. The veterans at Mobile also favored New Orleans as the meeting place of 1875. the year of the celebration of the opening of the Panama canal. This action will not however, be considered final unless subsequent reunions up to and including that of 1914 indorse it, as they probably will.
 The selection, too, of George Washing ton Gordon as commander-in-chefi is ex- cellent, for General Gordon is still strong and vigorous, and he will be able to carry on the duties of the position. He is member of Congress, and the Congress eional Directory contains this sketch, pre- sumably written by himself:
 "George Washington Gordon. democrat, of Memphis, was born in Giles county, Tennessee, and reared chiefly in Missis- sippi and Texas; received a collegiate edu- cation and was graduated at the Western rGUf+a,, irc+it1+a NocbxrfI1a Tap0 in fha class of 1859. receiving there about the same military education and training as were then given at the National Military academy at West Point; practiced civil engineering till the outbreak of the civil war; enlisted in the military service of the state of Tennessee in June. 1861, in the capacity of drillmaster of the Elev- enth Tennessee infantry regiment and was soon thereafter transferred with the other Tennessee troops to the military service of the Confederate states of Amer ica was successively a captain, lieutenant colonel and colonel of this regiment, and in 1864 was made brigadier general and served with that rank till the close of the war. Though captured three times and once dangerously wounded he participated in every engagement fought by his com mand except those at Nashville, Tenn and Bentonville, N. C., at which times he was a prisoner at Fort Warren, Mass. where he was held till August, 1865, sev. eral months after the close of the war Upon his release from prison he studied law and practiced that profession unti 1883 when he was appointed one of tn, railroad commissioners of the state; il 1885 received an appointment in the in terior department of the United State government, and served during Cleve lands first term, four years, in the In dian country; then resumed the practic of law till 1892, when he was elected su perintendent of the Memphis city schools which position he held until March, 190I ,A when he resigned to take his seat f. Congress. He is now major general com manding the Tennessee division of tn E Federation of United Confederate veter ans, having been annually elected to thi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
DYNAMITE AND BEES
, the New York Sun.


 Next to load of dynamite the freight that Is given the widest berth Is an occupied beehive" said the driver. "No man should haul an unlabelled hive of bees through the city. I never haul hive half dozen blocks with. out putting up the sign 'Reehives. Sometimes when crossing the ferry come pretty near having the boat ali to myself. People would rather wait for the next boat than to ride with me- Those that do come make a point of standing anyhow 20 feet away from me- If a horse should take a notion to bolt and jump into the hives there would be a lively circus on poard. have seen that happen and both drivers and horses went around with closed eyes for a week. If man who was not really hauling bees didn't want to be bothered and had no scruples against imposing on the public. he could get plenty of room by putting up that sign, 'Beehiyes, Look out'g'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Detroit Free Press.
 Mark Twain, when he worked In Ne vada on the Virginia City Enterprise, in serted in the news a good many board ing house jokes.
 In revenge, the humorists sensitive fel- low boarders in Virginia City decided to put up a game on him. They enlisted the landlady's help, and at the Thanksgiving dinner at the boarding house. Mark Twain, by a dextrous piece of sleight-of- hand was served, apparently direct from the fowl, with a turkey leg of painted wood.
 "You've changed your poultry dealer, haven't you, ma 'am?'' why, no, Mir Clemens. What makes you think so?' "This turkey" he answered, giving the
 wooden drumstick little whack with his knife: its about the tenderest morsel I've struck in this house for some
 months"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

position for the last eight years; was elected 10 the Sixtieth Congress, receiving l3.672 votes to 556 for Robert H. Bowling. socialist"
 General Gordon has not as yet an- nounced his staff, but it is generally un- derstood among the veterans that Will liam E. Miclxle will remain adjutant gen. eral and chief of staff to General Cor don, thus insuring a continuance of the policy of the past in this great organiza- tion
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
WASHINGTON DIDN'T CRY

From the Washington PoSt
 There is a story of how George Wash ington. a while before the battle of Brandywine, went to Robert Morris begging for money to pay small part of the arrears due his ragged veter- ans, and how, when he laid before the financier the condition of things, he put his hands to his face and wept Washington in tearsl Absurd
 The story Is as astounding as it is silly Thackeray shows us the true George Washington in The virginians" and 1t is impossible to imagine such a character weeping under any circum- stances. General Jackson would have dropped into tears sooner, and Oliver Cromwell, or Napoleon Bonaparte. or Otto von Bismarck. as soon. Certainly he cried In infancy; possibly he cried In childhood, but in youth or manhood, never!
 Macaulay relates that when 1t was revealed that Dundas, his favorite, his prop, was shown a corrupt statesman, Pitt rose in his seat in parliament to say something about the charge already
 proved, and that for one moment 1t seemed as though the great minister would burst into tears; but he recov- cred himself and delivered a few state lIy sentences as only the younger Pitt could speak them. But 1t Is easier 10 imagine "the cold. unbending," ar rogant Pitt weeping than it Is to fancy George Washington thus moved. This crying story Is even more
 puerile than that about the cherry tree
 or that Washington never swore but
 once, and then on the field of Mon
 mouth. The fact is that George Wash ington was born with a most furious
 and impetuous temper. His fits oi
 rage in his youth were terrible; but
 he conquered himself and thus wal greater than he that taketh city. l Washington in tears! Preposterous!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
EPIGRAMS OF MARK TWAIN

'He meant well, but art is folly to him; he only understands groceries"
 Having forgotten to mention it soon- CT, l will remark in conclusion. that the ages of the Siamese Twins are respec. lively 51 and 5s years''
 He was full of blessed egotism and placid self-importance but he didn't know as much as a three-em quad"
 Age enlarges and enriches the powers of some musical instruments, notably those of the violin. but 1t seems to set the piano's teeth on edge"
 T am Yankee of the Yankees, a practical man nearly barren of sentiment or poetry; in other words my father was blacksmith, my uncle horse doc tor. and I was both. There didn't seem to be brains enough in the entire nursery to bait a fishhook, but you didn't mind that after a little while, for you saw that brains were not needed in a society like that, and would have marred it's symmetry and spoiled It." "Chambermaids are dead to every hu- man instinct"
 "A forlorn dog with bowed head and tan withdrawn from service" ''To the Indian. soap and education are not as sudden as massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run" They appointed me clerk of the conn mittee on conchology, and then allowed me no amanuensis to play billiards with" When a man has been fifty years at sea he is only a gray and bearded child." Tt was just like a new author. The4 always think they know more than any{ body else when they are getting out theif first books
 
 dreadful odds and deadly insults. The nail was driven in last November. If you want to firmly clinch 1t on the other side, stand by the driver on May 2, vote for ONeal and political peace will be with us and bless us for four moro years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 Back of the desire of a man to argue Is his passion to hear hls own voice.
 There's nothing so easy as to get a contempt for Q thing you try to gain, but it's beyond your reach.
 A girl Is very farsighted to make a man so attentive while she can which is before she marries him.
 Nothing makes a man more indig- nant than for his wife not to appre- ciate how sick he is when he isn't.
 The funny thing about people with red hair is how mad they can get trying to prove it doesn't give them 6 bad temper.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
 GENERAL GRANT ABROAD
Was shown Remarkable Homage Every where He Went
7rom the May Bookman

From the May Bookman.
 In the free city of Hamburg, the senate especially honored Grant; tine King of Sweden pressed invitations upon him to visit his majesty at the superb palace of Drottningh olm. In Russia the general was received by the prime minister, and an imperial yach was placed at his disposal, while royal Isalutes were fired whenever he ap- reared. grand audience was ar ranged for the ex-T'resident by the Elm peror Alexander in St. Petersburg. A like function was arranged for him in Vienna bv the Emperor Francis Joseph. King Alfonso (father of the present King) gave him truly Spanish well come in Madrid, and when General Grant reached Lisbon, the King of For tugal, putting aside all etiquette. came to meet him. The two had many other meetings. punctuated with receptions and banquets.
 From Europe and Africa, the general proceeded to India where he was en- tertained by the viceroy and by count less maharajahs. In Siam the King ca ag- erly invited him to the palace where q state dinner was given and the royal elephants were displayed. In ChSa, al most more than anywhere else, was he the recipient of extraordinary honors from viceroys, princes and statesmen including Ii Hung Chang; while in Ja- pan the imperial cabinet and the Elm peror met him and gave him sight of military review at time when few people were aware or Japan growing power in war. The most pie turesque festivals and popular fetes crowded his days in Tokio, where the Emperor at the imperial palace gave him a personal farewell. Thence the general returned across the Pacific to San Francisco, where all California seemed to have assembled in his honor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
AhIe fO Re Out

Circuit Solicitor John Mcqueen, who has been confined to St. Vincents nos pital with a severe attack of ptomaine poison is able to be out. Owing to his Ill., ness he has not been able to see his friends in person, but he has wide ac- quaintance and his supporters express themselves as confident that he will win on Monday next.
 MT. Mcqueen is serving his first term as solicitor and asks for a second term in accordance with democratic custom.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
DARK SUSPICION.

DARK SUSPICION. He always gets uneasy when she meets him at the door And plants upon his lips a kiss and sweetly looks him OCT. Experience has taught him, though it hasn't taught him much That when his wife's so loving she's preparing for a touch.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Texas fears that New York or some other state may in November outdo it in the respect of a great democratic ma jority. Of late it has held the pen nant, but its supremacy hereafter is now in doubt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
A .pRITsTFUL WOMAN.

"A man walked out of his home in this town and was gone for two years" What excuse did he make when he got back?"
 Said he'd been sitting up with sick friend"
 flaw hawi That's rich.''
 'Yes: and what's more, he actually convinced his wife that his friend way a chronic invalid"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
MAYBE

Oh, we don't know what is waiting
 At the next turn of the road; But there's no use hesitating-
 Struggle on-maybe the load Which you fear will overpower.
 Will grow lighter by and by. When misfortunes cease to lower
 And the clouds slip from the sky!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
Murder Case Closed

Baton Rouge, La., April 29.-The state closed It's case In rebuttal in the trial of Dr. E. McKeowan for the murder of H. K. Judson this afternoon and argument was soon afterward begun The case will probably be given to the jury to- morrow morning.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Senator Burrows says the report of his retire until the voters say he must and they will express themselves in Novem- her
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric" |"
 'The train is profusely decorated with tunnels"
 "Figures stewed out of me just as nat ural as otter of roses out of an otter"
 q wouldn't give a cent to hear Inger- soil on Moses. but I'd give s1O to hear Moses on Ingersoil." f -
 "One could see the dress creeping along the floor some time after the woman was gone.''
 q left my rheumatism here Baden Baden is welcome to it. It was little, but 1t was all 1 had to give. I should have liked to leave something more catching, but it was not in my power"
 'rThere were no hackmen, hacks or om- nibuses on the pier. I said it was like being in heaven"
 "The less a man knows the bigger noise he makes and the higher salary he com mands."
 "The place is as dark as the inside of an inidel."
 "Epitaphs are cheap and they do poor chap a world of good after he's dead, es- pecially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more."
 "Cain is branded a murderer so heart lessly and unanimously in America only because he is neither a democrat nor a republican
 'She was a perfect polyglot once, but somehow her palate got down."
 we write frankly and fearlessly, but i've modify before we print"
 "A cross between tired mud turtle and a crippled hearse horse"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

One thing is certain, the late H. H. Rogers did not take any of his millions away with him. The world is astonished that he left but s34,OOOOOO.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
EMMET o'NEAL

From the Pell City Progress.
 The fight is drawing to a close. Candi- dates have been dropped by the wayside until only two are left in the governor race, ONeal and Mallory. Alabama is fortunate in having two such splendid gentlemen to choose between, and yet the choice points irresistibly to ONeal. He is Mallory's equal on any field where the strength of two men may be measured In several particulars he Is clearly head and shoulders above his rival. In one respect ONeal stands alone, without comparison.
 As a southern gentleman of the old school. as a man whose courteous man ners and kindly disposition are every where recognized and admired. MT O'Neal can take his position anywhere in life, among all people and be creolt to himself and his native state. The son of former governor of Alabama. no ,ran hetter understands southern tradi- tions nor yet is more appreciative of the duties which this present generation has to perform if the voice of the south IS once more to be heard in the councils of the nation
 As a lawyer MT. O'Neal ranks second to none in the state. When Senator MOT gan turned to him for an analysis Of the railway bill and other important legisia- tion in Congress. this was proof that the hest international lawyer In America re- garded MT. ONeal as one of the pest lawyers in the south, a man whose miho was trained to go to the bottom Of the most intricate problems of statesman ship | As the man who defeated the amend ment. Mr. O'Neal stands as she champion of a vast majority of Alabamians as against MT. Mallory in hopeless minority on inc other side. MT. Mallory threw his influence upon our legislature 'to submit this measure to the people and then ad- vocated it 'on every stump. O'Neal picked LID the challenge, went before the people and won a superb victory in the face oi
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Croker has decided to live in New York again, the old question, Where did you get it?" being barred by the statute of limitations.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
A RARE EXPERJENCE

No 1oubt you recall the most en- joyable railroad trip you ever nader
 ''Oh, yes. It was a short trip of only half day but because his private car had been derailed the president of the road was travelling with the common herd in an ordinary Pullman car"
 And so you enjoyed the novelty of travelling in close proximity to the president of the road?'
 No; it wasn't that particularly. l enjoyed seeing the porter look humble
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Birmingham expects every census enum- orator to do his duty today as he has never done 1t before.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
IT REMINDED HIM.

IT REMINDED HIM. Franz Hals is quite a fad amollg mill lonaires these days ~ Who is Franz Hals?" "Oh, he was a man who painted pie lures a long time ago and died in pow erty"
 Say, you ought to see a man who paints lightning pictures in the window Of a down town department store. He's a birdr PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

The colonel's visit to Napoleon's tomb is plainly an encouragement to the Back from-Elba club to take in new members
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Vice President Sherman also o. Ks the Aldrich tariff. That certainly settles 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Birmingham to get her full share of the population of this country and unless something is done l very much fear that such will not be the case.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

United States Steel common has been placed on per cent basis. Another sign of general prosperity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Gentle Annie is still awaiting the re- turn enlightenment of the gentle spring time
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Az, me! for aught thnt ever co"io read, couId ever hear by tale or history, Tbe course of true love never did run smooth.
 Midsummer Nights Dream.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

The rest of the standpatters in Congress may not retire voluntarily, and they will be retired involuntarily.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

New Jersey expects Senator Kean to say that his health will not bear the strain of another senatorial term.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

It was difficult on those frosty morn ings to make head or tail out of Halley's comet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

To the Coal Barons the climate of New Orleans is more agreeable and inyigor- ating than that of Montgomery.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

No fan was able to behave like a fan In the snowstorms up north.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
THAT COLD WAVE.

Nc use to dream of April blooms
 And rambles by the river; Just say the times are out of joint And shiver, shiver, shiveri
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Prices may be falling, but information of the alleged fact is still kept away from the ultimate consumer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

The sun and the summer rains will make all forget the damages of April frosts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

Dr. Cook is wandering about the world with the keys of New York in his pocket.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

commonplace when she ceases to handle if
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

The fact that the comet is coming should not lessen the effort to replant all damaged crops.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

This Is the census mans busy day Keep him moving.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
p.,or,,in. o,Neal,s Majority

Indications point to large vote on Monday" said Marcus Well, and with large vote Mr. o'Neal's majority over Colonel Mallory will exceed So,ooo.
 "On March I made preliminary forecast to the effect that O'Neal Woulu carry 50 counties. and on April lS made a forecast by counties which totaled majority of 27225 for O'Neal. l stand by my April forecast, but recent informa- tion indicates that several counties will gi,,e o,Neal much larger majorities than I had in my list for example l put Cal houn county down at 2O0 maJori's' will give something like 800. Jehersoh county appears in my table with ma iority of 5000 for o'Neal. If we poll the big vote that now seems likely oNeai will carry this county by S,50o.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
HENCE THE SHOCK.

You say his ignorance was shock ng?"
 Yes; very. He mistook a live wire for one that wasn't"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
Yenrns for Birmingham

| q. Cantrell, formerly stationed Tn p;rmingham as assistant general freight agent of the Seaboard Air Line, put ho" general western freight and passenger agent of the same road, with headquarters at St. Louis, was here yesterday, and was greeted by many friends.
 ''St Louis is a great city, said MT. San- trell. 'and the Seaboard is getting a good share of the business in that section or country. But I often feel homesick Tor Birmingham. This city is improving rap idlv and there is no more delightful city socially than Birmingham
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A coMMoN OccURRENcE.

"A boat named the Unique has strand ed in the Missouri river"
 "Well,I there's nothing unique about that"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
AN ARDuoUs LIFE.
e following story is published by

The following story is published by western newspaper:
 Mayor Sheehan of Emira was ridicul ing the pretensions of a political oppo- nent. He takes,' said Mayor Sheehan, "too much credit He reminds me of the cayuse farmer. This farmer came home one night from a banquet, and, throwing himself down In rocking chair before the stove, he sighed: I'm about tired out. Be the cows in the barn?' Yes, Adoniram,' said his wife TIosses fed and bedded down?' asked the farmes, and he took from his pocket a cigar with a gilt band about it. Yes, Adon ram. Chickens aint locked up, though, be they?' Yes, Adoniram, long ago. Wood chopped for mornin?' Yes Ducks picked and wagon wheel mended for tomorrow's market? Yes. Adoni ram. The farmer lighted the cigar. yawned and said: Well, then, just hand me the Farm Journal and draw me a jug of cidar. Maria. I'll turn in soon. Farmin' s beginnln to tell on me- '
 BRIEF COUNT.
 He stands before a mirror,
 picture of despair,
 In secret sorrow taking
 A census of his hair.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
TURNED THE TABLES

The Daughters of the Revolution are born insurgents.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
THE VISITOR.

Said q little tot,
 As she chewed her mittens, Ma says you're cat
 Have you any kittens?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
THE scAPEGoAT.

He lost bet, his plans went wrong,- He blamed the comet The preacher prayed prayer too
 long
 He blamed the comet. His wife went down and bought a
 hat He said What for did you do that?' Forthwith they had an awful spat- He blamed the comet. He dined too well and felt pain He blamed the comet; He fooled around and missed his train He blamed the comet. His garden patch grew up in grass, Because he would not work, alas, But when this.-thing had come to pass He blamed the comet. The home team failed to win a game- He blamed the comet; Twas all their fault but just the
 same
 He blamed the comet. His ma-in-law came for a stay, He got more bills than he could pay The cook packed up and went away He blamed the comet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

LOOKING WITH ALL HIS NIGHT
 "A one-eyed man is running for o. fee in our town"
 Well well! What does he say for himself?"
 He declares he has an eye single to the public welfare"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30
GETTING DATA.

There is great excitement In our block"
 Whats the trouble?"
 "A notorious gossip has been sus- pected of wheedling a census taker"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-04-30

TELEPHONES Bell Cprivate exchange connecting all departments). No. 40OO. Pr.nIe.-EdiforiaI rooms, 231; Busi- ness office, 23O.