davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

pa liz the funniest man wien nave
ever met. | have newer met vary
many men but Pa is dinerenl IMAM
all the rest of the men wich' l nave
Jaw He is ali the time lafiing. he
,ars when ne gets up In the morning
g. laffs wen he Gums hoam TO dinner
last mite he LATED so hard that ne
almost busted up meeting "lcm VA"
had Gale d the Shelley sisters. mar
was ten married wimmen calm
every one of them had Dook vi
noems witch was wrote by poet
NAMED Mister Percy Shelley.
Wen Ma interdueed the ladies' 10
Do no was vary nice althou | know
thar pa wanted 10 go out & play Dill
wards Husband, sed Ma, | want you
m meet these CURL friends OF mine
tbav are all CRATE admirers pr Percy
shelley Do | git you right sed IA
Arc YOU sure you don't mean Mike
Kelley. the old-time catcher!
Then all of the ladies began 10
,ook al Pa kind OF funny, but ia
doesn't care how anybody looks at
him He Jest sat down In the hices.
chair I'm the room & lissened 10 VIVA.
was going TO happen. A lady NAMED
Nellie ~Middletown got up & started
~ read poem wich she had rote
about Mister Shelley, the poet. TINS
is how the poem went:
oh percy Shelley, Percy Shelley,
dream OF thee both night q uay
Though everybody here saw heiiy'
Thee | would follow all the way
NV own & only Percy Snehey'
| am thy fond & loving Nellie.
There is sum class to that poem,
sed pa. was going out to the oilyaiu
parlor. but now | am giau ina.
STAYED at hoam. | Will now reesi.e'
Pa sed. that butiful poem caiieu gun
rise in the Bronx.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

pledge now will be any more bindins
than Mr.. Taft's pledge two years ago?
Is he his own master?
There must be light at Washington
upon these plutoeratic tax schedules.
upon the Sl,09s,3471s4 yearly extra
vagance which goes hand in hand
with them; upon the crazy and waste
full war spirit which the grasping men
behind these schedules encourage, and
upon the methods and powers OF a
small coterie OF bosses who control
congresses and dictate TO presidents.
Mr.. Taft might easily become a
great president. but never as proxy :;
never as an understudy for bonn
bastic demagogue; never as mere
stop-gap for turbulent and domih'
eering egotist; never as magistrate
who hesitates to avow principles Oh
his own, and never as one who makes
himself responsible for errors ana
calamities properly chargeable TO the
failures OF another.
Turn on the light,-New YORK
World
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
COMISkEY'S
MER-
CHANDfSEs

Charley Dudley Warner was born
in PlaInfeld. Mass, Sept. IL, 1929. He
was graduated from Hamilton college
in 1856. Practiced law in Chicago. ana
in 1867 became part owner and CO.
editor of the Hartford Courant. he
died at Hartford, Conn, Oct. 70, l9oo.
Speaking OF the philosophical temp
or there is no class of men whose So
ciety is more to be desired for this
quality than that OF plumbers. Ihey
are the most agreeable men ! know;
and the boys In the business Degln 70
be agreeable very early. suspect the
secret OF IL is, that they are agreeable
by the hour. In the dryest days my
fountain became disabled; the pipe
was stopped up. A couple of plumb
ers. with the implements OF their
craft. came out TO view the situation.
There was a good deal OF difference
of opinion about where the stoppase
was. found the plumbers perfectly
willing to sit down and talk about it
talk by the hour.
Some of their guesses and remarks
were exceedingly ingenious; ana thelr
general observations on other SUP
jects were excellent in their way, and
could hardly have been better II they
had been made by the job. The work
dragged a little-as II Is apt to do by
the hour. The plumbers had occasion
10 make ne several visits. Sometimes
they would find. upon arrival. that
they had forgotten some indispensable
tool. and one would go back TO the
shop. a mile and half. after 1t, and
his companion would await his return
with the most exemplary patience,
and sit down and talk-always by the
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
Promises and Proxies.

Welt law. Scandal and oppression
have followed its enforcement.
When Mr. Taft approved this bill ne
acted as his predecessor would have
acted. When he yielded to Aldrich'
Cannon, Payne and Dalzell and under
took TO justify their work he did as
his predecessor would have done. His
own generous impulses had TO give
way. His own promises had to be
ignored. There was public hope and
confidence In him. There was none
I'm the men who at length shaped his
action. Unlike his predecessor. he
appeared at one time to have broken
away from them. Precisely like his
predecessor. when the pinch came he
enrolled himself on their side.
We now have Mr. Tafts promise
that plutocracy and privilege will be
taken out OF the tariff little at q
time, but there Is no such promise
from the real masters of the party
and there is no such promise from
Mr.. Tafts predecessor. the president
who will not retire. What reason
10 there to believe that Mr. Tafts
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
Little Boobies Pa
sy WILLIAM r. KIRK.

Pardon me, sed Ma, this is Shelley
meeting, & all the ladies here Is go
ing to reesite poems which waas rote
by Percy Shelley. They are not mere
to lissen to any trash. One or them
is now going to reesite the Ode TO a
Skylark. Then the lady reesited Mis-
ter Shelley's poem, but wen she got
all thru Pa was sleeping oaver IN the
corner.
Wen Pa was woke up aggenn. he
was kind of cross. For heVlngs saik'
he sed, are all you Shelley sisters mere
vet? | thought that by this time my
wife wud have brought in the Danto
Darlings or the Byron Babies.
doant care as much for potrey as
used TO. Pa sed, since the time that
rote a poem & sent 1t to Bob DAVIS
The naim OF the poem was Memories
& this is how ii went
Pleese, sed Ma, doant reesite ina,
poem. Anything else you know VIII
sound better.
All rite. sed Pa, shall | reesite the
peece | rote about the old lady tna'
lost her hair? Yes, sed Ma. 80 ia
reesited this:
The night was dark & gusty IN city
named Eau Claire,
A gray haired widow ascer.tained tha'
she had lost her hair.
g. as she staggered homeward. out IN
the awful rain
Into her friends & MAJORS she did
carefully explain;
They were only puffs,
They were only bluffs,
They wasn't
That will do. sed Ma. | think we
have had about enuff OF yure talk fol
one % evening So Pa dident git
chanst to play bilyards & he diden
eeyen have a chanst to talk TO Ma
trends He went in the library & rea'
the sporting paiges.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

Mr.. Osborn is a progressive citizen
of highest political and economic
ideals, always active in furthering the
interests and prestige of his state. He
ia a man of remarkable culture and
virile intellect. His personal popular
ity in itself is extraordinary and he
has wide knowledge OF men. not
only state but national. The campaign
of these two should afford to the
voters of Michigan only a clean, clear
able and ample discussion OF the
principles which differentiate the two
great parties in this state..-Detroit
Journal.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
Gems of Wit Wisdom and Humor
PLUMBERS.
By CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER.

hour. I do not know, but 1t is
habit TO have something wanted at the
shop. They seemed 10 me very good
workmen, and always willing to stop
and talk about the job, or anything
else, when | went near them. Nor
had they any of that impetuous hurry
that Is said to be the bane OF our
American civilization. To their credit,
be II said that l never observed any
thing of IL I'm them. They can afford
to wait. Two of them will sometimes
wait nearly half day, while com
rade goes for a tool. They are patient
any philosophical. II Is a great plea
sure TO meet such men. One only
wishes there was some work he could
do for them by the hour. There ought
to be reciprocity. | think they have
very nearly solved the problem OF
life: IL is to work for other people.
never for yourself. and get your pay
by the hour. You then have no anx-
iety, and little work. II you do things
by the job you are perpetually driven;
the hours are scourges.
n you work by the hour. you gently
sail on the stream Of time, which Is
always bearing you on the haven OF
pay, whether you make any effort or
not. Working by the hour tends TO
make one moral. A plumber working
by the job. trying to unscrew a rusty.
refractory nut in cramped position.
where the tongs continually slipped
off. would swear: but | never heard
one of them swear. or exhibit the
least impotence at such a vexation,
working by the hour. Nothing can
move man who is paid by the hour.
How sweet tho flight OF time seems TO
his calm mind,
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
JUST AS GOOD.

The Connecticut delegation TO a Re-
publican National convention at Chi
cago took along a lot OF badges, each
ornamented with a wooden nutmeg.
The badges were very popular. The
delegates from other states thought 1t
great joke to wear a genuine Con-
necticut wooden nutmeg
Presently the man who had charge
OF the badges came to Senator Bran
degee and said:
Senator. were I'm fix. All our
wooden nutmeg badges are gone. and
there Is still great demand for them.
What can We do?"
Get some more"
But there are no wooden nutmegs
in Chicago. We had to have these
especially made for us back home"
All right" directed the Napoleonic
BraLdegee; go down to a grocery
store and buy 400 or 500 real nutmegs
ard stick them on the badges. They'll
never know the difference"
And they Enthusiastically Evening
Post.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
Stand-Pat Newspapers Make Inter
esting Discoveries Since Tuesday

Such an endorsement is an unique
compliment, one that a man or parts
and sensibilities would value even
more than a general success at the
polls, and one. in fact, that seems fair'
ly to contradict the old proverb con-
corning the prophet in his own pre-
cinct. 1t is unquestionably true also
that Mr. Osborn impressed himself
very strongly upon those who met
him only once or twice. or listened 10
him but casually. The people were
generally delighted when they heard
him repudiate Warnerism. and pro-
mise. in his picturesque way. that one
OF his leading official acts, II he Is
elected. will be TO clean out corrupt
and incompetent ofiiceholders.-De-
troit Free Press.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

John Bailey reiterates his statement
that he will not accept the nomin-
alton. There is just hint In Mayor
Bailey's refusal that he doesn't care
to play second fiddle TO Mr.. Hemans.
Col. f. Il Marley, Democratic
choice for state senator, also declines
to run.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

The defeat of the mayor calls for analysis
quite well and generally understood
Kelley the protsgs of Warner and
wanem the overwhelming defeat
ally Adch and the interests and the exponent
Of standpasm Bremeyer the natural thing
imaginable
Michigan the other and In PENN
ua people Tuesday the exercise Of their right Of
franchise they PROGRESS.
majores uprising against de-
pabe existing and the majority for
against Beyer amounted uprising against conditions
locally, equally deporabe
determined that
they going thinks he
who attempts tell them what
they going to have
They long ago his ubseriency
to personal capiaistc andre actionary tendencies
And the people had
given opportunity choose whom they would have and would
representatives the United States they took
shot shot
Bremey found opposed all
very things people SHALL HAVE
Fifty the beginning the end that
scheduled time Tuesday
In of his way make
that there should be nothing like adequate representation of the great
majority municipal ownership
throughout prejudice
corporate control this biggest public
utility
assuming which the of the plain evidence
sentiment the citizens he but delivering his
official o the lions widened jaw,
And happened
demand each and occasion
par corporate the lines each and
corporate lending willing
ear upon public people y
sung batting they
presented THEIR demands
In his dismal attempts to settle it" OTHER
grabbing usual fate
made provided settlement farther from solution
simply coming the and he have gotten it,
good faith that the defeat
due political trick of the Democrats registering Repub
lcans o the weaker candidate.
candidates taes closely with the
Breitmeyer
friends to get hearing for that
1t REPUBLICAN that did it,
Recalling of his years ago.
meyer would hardly raise that point anyway
What the Democrats had nothing in Bremeye
With the nomination of Thompson unopposed Republican
politicians city mayoralty their
party
these Republicans knowledge voted
for Owens
To recapitulate:
Bretmeyer the for the job.
close enough the file people and too
close selfnsted minority in the city
His administration the most the history
and the face of highest taxes he said there should be higher
appointments many politically ruinou and
a back breaking weight of broken promises.
His advisers not frank enough with him.
And last and by least JUS German Republicans
gether'
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
REFUSES TO RUN.

Mayor BAILEY, OF Battle Creek, Had
Been Named as Hemans' Run
ming Mate.
BATTLE CREEK, Mich, Sept. 8.
Though nominated by the Demo
Gratis for lieutenantgoverpor. Mayor
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

The present primary system needs
no further nor better excuse for it,
usrustuation than the result regis
tered under 1t Tuesday whereby
Mayor Breitmeyer was defeated for
denomination.
An apology may be due from 1t Tor
the nomination Of Proctor K. Owens
but as a matter Of fact, has not the
local Republican party something to
answer for in this connecticut
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
A FAMILIAR PHRASE:

How many times have you been
arrested" sternly inquired the Judge
"A good many" said the hobo. but
only for small offenses. was never
pinched for speeding. or driving with.
out lights" \l
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
OBSERVATIONS


Prof VIM Harvards died.
understood that he connded certain friends
which he promised them from the
spirit world he possible, his
a
=
Hodgson essayed
unicatet to he
received by the living regarded
actually
Hodgon Prof James awaited the
sage agreed but received.
A NewY
to
the
valuable gentlemen the
u--4 CARNATIONS
do
CHANDisE regardnot in that the valuation but
that official brand Of chat slavery the
remains good submits himself be bought and
a there
freedom that served to boil
diamond
merchandise how such fiction be long mand
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
can't get used to dose telephones. "

II usedto telephones
vof iss de-
dime bell
hat TO take der rece shout
a
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08
|nyor Breitmeyer's
Defeat Should Come TO
No One as a Surprise
The Demand Of the People Locally
10 the Same 40 the Demand Of
the People Of the state
and the Nation-For
PROGRESS.

It could just well have been Codd or Carstens
Bretmeyer impossible and the leaders Detroit have none
b other than themselves to blame
They had every reason expect which leaves local Re-
pubicansm present embarrassing and hopeless position
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1910-09-08

Students OF the occult and OF psychical phenomena,
at least do deny, that there be communication
passing through time OF great excitement
Prof VIM. James Harvards famous psychologist. has
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
ONE DOSE MAKES
INDIGESTION GO
HF)ARTBURN, GAS AND OTHER
STOMACH MISERY ENDS
Five Minutes After Taking Little
Biapcpsin Your Stomach VIII Fec4
Fine Again-Eat Yogr Favorlte
Foods without Fear of Distress.

If your meals don't fit comfort
ably. or you feel bloated after eating
and you believe it Is the food which
fills you, ii what little you eat lies
like lump OF lead on your stomach;
il there lis difficulty in breathing af-
ter eating, oruct1tions OF sour undj-
gested food ana acid heartburn
hrash or belching of gas you can
make up your mind that You need
something to stop food fermentation
cure indigestion,
y" mako every bite of food YOU aat
ait il' khe nonrisAmcnt and strength
of y"nr'oodN you must ril your 7t1m-
aeh OF ponsons excessive acid and
stom'tch sas which sours your entire
meal lhJerleres with digestion and
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
THE WHEAT MARKET
ARMOUR SELLS WHEAT
AND PRICES ARE LOWER
Chicago Market Opens 3-S TO 5-Sc
Lower and Closes 81 to 1-sc Be-
low Ycstcrday-NIillers Unloading.

Chicago, Jan. 1s.-Sellers of wheat
were numerous today and the market
closed "a to / 1-Sc a bushel below
yesterday after opening 3-S to 5-sc
down.
Weakness in the trading was in
tense at the opening and with persist
ent hammcring by Armour brokers'
the market soon sagged to the low
mark, Even the big mlllers were
bearish on the market and during the
day il was reported that Washburn-
Crosby company of Minneapolis were
very heavy sellers of the cereal.
With n dropping cash market and
prices inclined to sag at all primary
centers, holders OF cash stuff were
marketing their holdings with as lit
tie delay as possible today Prices
were shaded IN many instances a.
though the drop in cash prices was
not severe.
Liverpool had an opening decline
of 3-4d and closed 3-S to led below
yesterday after n small spell of short,
covering.
Eradstreots report Of the worlds
visible supply shows a total decrease
70 1,75t0OO bushels. Corn Increased
1920 900 bushels.
cash grain sales:
Wheat No. . red S1.2G01.25: No.
rcd Sfd90123; No . hard. S1.t2
t-2@1I3; No . hard 211O01.12:
No northern. &1.1a0115: No. 3
sniff 81 IN al Il
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
CALL FOR BIDS FOR STEEL
BRIDGES

The county court of Umatilla coun-
ty, Oregon, invites bids for the con-
struction of four steel bridges in said
county, as follows: Across the Wal
la Walla river at McCoy's ranch,
length 10 feet; across Dry creek at
Blue Mountain station, length so
feet; across Butter creek near the
mouth Of Butter creek. length 40
feet; across the Walla Walla river at
Milton, length 90 feet. Plans and
specifications viii be on file at the
office Of the county clerk Of Umatilla
county, oregon, on and after thu Goth
day Of January, 1910. Bids will be
opencd on February 3rd, 1910. Ger
titled check for per cent Of total
amount to accompany each bid. The
court reserves the right to reject any
and all bids.
Dated this 18th day of January.
1910. FRANK SAILING,
County Clerk.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
500 ReMarfl s10a

The readers Of this paper will be pleased
to learn that there Is at least one dreaded
disease that science has been able to cur,
IN all Its stages, and that Is Catarrh. Hair,
Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure nov
known known TO the medical fraternity. Catarrt
being constitutional disease. reanIres ,
constitutional treatment, Halls Catarrh
cure taken Internally, acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces of the sys
tenn, thereby destroying the foundation Of
tne disease, and giving the patient strength
py building up the constitution and assist
Ing nature In doing it's work. The pro
prietors have so much faith In Its curative
powers that they offer One Hundred Dol
iars Tor any case that 1t fails to cure. Send
for list Of testimonials
Address
F.; CHENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, Toe
=. TAKE Halls Family Pills for constipa.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
rLUCKY WOMAN HOLDS
BURGLAR IN HOUSE

Seattle Wash The plucky work
of Mrs. w. II Hunter, of 21i Thir-
tieth avenue, in grabbing a burglar
who had entered her house through
a bedroom window, taking him to an
other room and forcing him to take
off a suit of her husbands clothes
that he had stolen, was the direct
cause Of the arrest Of Harold Harmon.
an Engllsman, who answered the de-
scription of man who for the past
month has been prowling around the
Capitol Hill residence district and
has robbed some 25 houses in the
daytime.
The man came to the back door of
the Hunter residence and tried to sell
Mrs. Hunter a patent mop. She de-
clined to buy and the fellow walked
around the house. Finding a bed
room window open. he crawled
through 1t and calmly donned a suit
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
NOTICE or BIDS FOR CITY
PRINTING.

Notice is hereby given that sealed
bids will be received at the city re-
corder's office in Pendleton Oregon.
up to January the 27th, 1910, at 5
o'clock p. m, for city printing for
the ensuing two years from March 1st,
1910 to December 1st, 1911, the bids
to specify the price per inch solid
BREWER minion type for all city no.
tees, and price per hundred five hun
dred or thousand as the case may be,
for all job work required by the city
during that time, all work to be
bound in boards or put up in pads if
required. A list of blanks in use by
the city may be had upon application
to the city recorder at his office in
the city hall.
The city reserves the right to reject
any and all bids, or parts of bids.
Dated at Pendleton, Oregon, this
18th day OF January, A. d. 1910.
THOS. FITZ GERALD,
City Recorder
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
FOR SALE.

FOR SALE-65 acre ranch, SO acres
rich sub-Irrigated bottom and Is
acres wheat land. acres in or
chard, acres timber. IT acres al
falfa and balance will raise any
thing put in the ground. Big 10
room house, big barn, other out
buildings, and a $1,000 pumping
plant consisting of a 12-horsepower
gasoline engine and 5-inch centrif-
ugal pump. r. r. station, phone
line, store, P. o. and grade school
at the door. Location can't be beat.
Price. $500. One-half cash, bah
ance easy terms. Address, o. r.
Steele, Nolin Ore,
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1910-01-19
2Give Them Help and Many Pcndleto
People VIII BE Uacpier.

Throw Out the Life Line
The kidneys need help.
They're overworked-caE't get the
poison filtered out OF the blood.
They're getting worse every minute.
VIII you help them?
Doau's Kidney Pills have brought
thousands Of Kidney sufferers back
from the verge OF despair
Will cure any form Of .dney trou-
Bile.
Mrs. c. w. Propeck Of Elgin, Ore,
says "Doan's Kidney Pills have
proven Of great value to me. Kidney
complaint troubled me all my life
and | was gradually becoming worse.
T never found a remedy that would
give me relief and my life was a bur
den. I was subject to dizzy spells, my
back ached severely and the kidney
secretions were so irregular in pas
sage as 20 cause me great incon-
vonience. Whenever [ took the least
cold, it was sure to settle in my kid
neys and greatly aggravated my suf
fering. | tried several remedies which
seemed to give mo temporary relief
but the attacks were sure to return.
At last learned about Doan's Kid
ney Pills and procured a box. Before
l had taken one-half the contents l
was free from backache and my kid
neys became normal. l have not had
any trouble since and give Doan's
Kidney Pills the credit for my pres
ent good health"
For sale by all dealers Price so
cents. Foster-Milburn Co, Buffalo.
New York. sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-an
take no other,