Los Angeles herald., 1910-07-10
THE ETHICS OF COMPLAINING

ion for the following sensible advice to
mothers concerning the extremely try
ing habit of complaining:
Children should be taught the ethics
of complaining before they can speak
plainly The first law is that complain
ing is legitimate only when it is in
tended to serve purpose-to remedy
the evil in question. Idle complaining
is a wrong to the victim who has to
listen to it, as well as a confession of
weakness of mind in the complainer. II
complaining can make things better, by
all means complain; if it cannot, keep
still and in as far as possible forget
your grievance. No one has a right to
make another person listen to a de-
tailed history of his COR her, usually
discomforts. If the knowledge of them
needs to be communicated, do 1t as
briefly and detachedly as possible. OF
course, do not require any such stand
ards of stoicsm from ignorant, I'M
trained minds. This is merely the ideal
that we have in view, the far off goal
that we hope some day to attain.
Then, too, mothers are exceptions;
great many weaknesses are legitimate
with mothers. What is the use of a
mother if we can't let go with her and
be Just the weak, self-indulgent, cow
ardly little animals that we are at bot
tom? Our complaints do not bore her;
she will not love us any the less for
knowing our secret SinS we do not
need to hide our transgressions from
her. My children know that they can
come to me and pour 1t all out, how
ever trivial or childish it may be, and
be sure of sympathy. At the same time,
L never lose a chance to make them re-
alize that it is a self-indulgence, not to
be permitted with people other than
mothers and fathers.
1t is in the matter of the children's
noise that l most often test my own
stoicism, put to myself the question.
truth, after 1 fairly put it to myself,
l generally find that l can. Some
times, however, L decide that the dis
comfort to myself is greater than the
pleasure they are getting, of which the
noise is the by-product, and put stop
to it. If nervous women could only be
made to realize how a little selfdis-
: cipline, little shutting of ones ears,
2 diverting ones attention, makes it pos
sble not to hear noises, they would
find life much easier.
There has grown to be an unwritten
law in our family as to the cheerful
bearing of discomforts on trips of all
kinds. 1t was never formulated, but
the children discovered for themselves
very early that this was an indispens-
able condition of being taken on eX-
fond of walking and the children have
always been eager to go with us, per-
haps because we seldom take but a
selected contingent. 1t was soon dis
, covered, without explanation, that the
child who insisted on drinks of water
in places where no water flowed found
himself left at home where water was
plentiful Childrens fatigue is often
ennui.
When one of the children has a
grievance against some other member
of the family, the question is asked,
Cant you overlook it?' try to make
him see that the harm to ones self
of thinking unkind thoughts is SO great
that it is hardly justified by very
real wrong. If, however, see that the
sense of injury is too great to be
pushed aside, l take up the question
and see that justice is done. l try TO
teach all the children the great truth,
that it does not pay always to insist
on ones rights, that it is often better
wisdom to submit to a slight wrong.
The chip-on- the shoulder attitude does
not make for beauty of character or
for harmoniousness of family life.
One object have very much at heart
in bringing up my children-to make
them harmonious members of house
hold, comfortable people to live with
Many mothers leave this aspect out
as completely as if their children were
about to embrace the calling of her
mits
Personally, 1 dislike exceedingly to
live in the same house with people VINO
notice small dscomforts, who com