Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-01-21

soSA W. uc4pI0 ulIp, Uut tuoio sA0 ssAssyD
when that policy Is absurd" \
still, it Is an admirable quality In
. man. s
yes, but the other day saw him sry-
ing to open an oyster with nut cfack-
er."
"My husband didn't get home until
two O'clock this morning" remsrkse the
lady with the weary eyes. ~
'Indeedw exclaims the other lady,
deIightedly anticipating the narration
Of a family tiff, And what did hs say In
explanation?" -
Nothing. came home with him. We
had been TO the theater and to Z late
supper afterward."
"De world" said Uucle EbeH, rs sQm-
PIN like lookin' glass. Yeus ginefer
get better results il You, smiles dan; Il
you make fAcea z=
A change OF tep0rS has been mace ~
the church choir. Eight-year-old Jessie,
returning from the morning service, Was
anxious to tell the news. y,
"Oh, motherr' she exclaimed, I'VE
have new terror in the chairF' i.
An attendant at 3 Kansas institute
for the deaf and dumb Was andergoiAg
a pointless rrpid-fire inquisition at the
han.! # female visitor. =
"But now DO You summon these poof
mutes TO church," che asked fnafly,
with what was mean to be plying
glance at the inmates near BY. 81
by ringing the dumb-bells. madam"
retorted the exasperated attendant. s.
D. u
A Ted-headed young man from the east
went into the middle west. He had
never seeu a Jersey hog. On looking at
a herd Of them he wrote back e his
sweetheart: "They have red-haired hogs
here by the thousand Ihaye not found
location to shit me as yet and may go
farther west.r His sweetheart answered
and said: "Come back. Charley; there is
too much competition for you thsre; itSis
NO place for you where you are liable to
be cut up and sold By the hundredweight
any day and the farther you 60 west the
worse it is. for some Of tho hogs eat
there have No hair at all"
A wise woman Oncs said that 1here
were thres- fOtlles4 ofaApsn sf}atsssaNa3l
amused her: The fiFst waS climbiHa
trees to shake the fruit down, when !!
they would wait long enough the fruit
would fall itself; the second Was going
to war to kill each other, when Il they
only waited they would die naturally;
and the third was that they should rnn
after the women, when il they did not do
40. the women would be sure to run after
them-with broom, too.
- fn
A genial German friend Of ours WAS
overheard the other day speaking to his
dng. Addressing the animal, he said:
"Y"u vass only . dog, but l wish I vas
you. Ven YOU 60 init your bed In, you
shust turns around dree times und Jay
down. sVenI 60 init the bed in, I have
to lock up de blace. und Wind up the
clock, und put the cat out, und ondrees
myself; und my frau she wake up und
sc,ld. den the baby wakes up und cries,
und l hat t. walk him NIT dc house
round; den maybe ven l.gess mys-lf t0
bed it is time to get up again. Ven you
get up, you shust stretch yourself, dig
your neck liddle, und you vas up. !
hat to light de fire, put on de keddle
scrap some nit my, wife, already und GET
my breakfast. You play around md hal
blenty Of fun. hat to work all day und
haf blenty Of drubble. Den ven you die
you vas dead. Ven die, 1t Is already
hell init me vet.
Recently lady went to Chicago for .
three weeks visit, leaving her unmaF.
ried sister t. take care OF the house dur:
ing her absence. On her arrival she dis,
covered that her watch, . small affair,
was missing. She thought IL had prob
ably dropped on the dining room rug, 60
she 'phOned to the sister It home:
LET me know II You find anything ou
the rug in the dining room." i
A few days later she received from hel
sister letter saying:
"I-was t. let You know il I found any
thing on the dining room rug. This ID
what found this morning: Three beel
corks, eighteen cigar butts, five cigarette
ends. four blue chips, thirty-six burnt
matches and one pink satin slipper"
A political Office in small town in
Iowa was vacant. The Office paid $3.50
year, and there was keen competition
for it. The democratic candidate, Exek-
ieI Hicks, was . shrewd old follow, and Z
neat campaign fund was turned over te
him. To the establishment Of su,, how
ever, he was defeated.
II cant account for IT," sxid ope OF the
democratic leaders gloomily. with