Condon globe. (Condon, Gilliam Co., Or.) 189?-1919, 1910-11-25
WHEN ABNER
GOT MAD
BY NJ QUAD
Copyright. isio. by Associated Lit.
erary Press.
BY NJ QUAD


Abner Jackson, who was "sorter"
old bachelor. had been courtlng her
for ive years without actually popping
the question. She lived with her wild.
owed mother In the village. and he
worked a little farm Just outside.
Abner wasn't lazy. He was Just
good natured poke Of man. lie was
going to get married some day, but
there was no hurry about II. He al.
ways talked as II he intended to marry
Eunice. but he didn't come down 10
details, He didn't ask her 70 name
the day aud arrange the bridal tour
Eunlce liked Abner and bore with him,
but she was getting rather tired OF II
when her Aunt Hannah came on n
visit Aunt Hannah saw Abner two
or three times. understood his nature
and then said to her niece:
Look here. you've got poke Of
man hanging around after you. and II
may be ten years more before he'll
say anything about marriage. Are
you going to put up with II or do
somethingr
"Why, auntie. what can dor'
Get mad at him and make him
think he's going to lose you"
"He only laughs when get mad"
Then set In and crlticlse his feet
bis nose. his eyebrows. Tell him that
hes the homeliest man you ever saw"
II don't think he'd mind II ut ALL"
"Didn't you ever see him show amy
temperT'
"Not q BIT. He was run over by a
drove Of hogs once and got up laugh
Ing. No, you can't make Abner mad
Hes a poke. but an awfnlly good
man."
"And are you going to keep right on
for the next dfty years. are your"
One afternoon three or four days
later a vinegar barrel with one head
out was left at the house by the grocer
to be used rs a rain barrel. The house
stood on quite hill. and there was n
sharp slope down TO the village street
About the hour Abner usually appear.
cd Eunice was sent on an errand TO
the other side of the village. and when
the poke" arrived Aunt Hannah was
the one to greet him. She took him
to the corner of the house where the
barrel stood and promptly began:
"See here, MFR. Jackson. you've been
dawdling around here for years. What
are you afterf"
"Why-why"-- he stammered as he
leaned up against the house and could
say no more.
"oh. you can't tell knew you
couldn't. You've come here almost ey'
cry night in the week for months and
years and squatted yourself down. and
what for2 Your talk can't interest
anybody. The sight OF you isn't In,
spring. II was Eunice I'd just as
soon have a wooden man around. And
yet you come and squat and squat. !
ask you, sir. what you mean by such
conductT"
"I-I guess I'll 60 home," answered
Abner, who was too astonished to see
straight.
"And guess you won't" said Aunt
Hannah. lat least not until you have
explained yourself I've been looking
at you. II had n COW as homely rs
you are I'd knock her In the head with
the ak. Hump shouldered, bowlegged
and feet like an elephant, and yet you
come here and squat around and TAX
up girls timei Why, man, what can
you think of yourselfT"
"I'll never come againT exclaimed
Abner In changed voice.
That's good. That's what want
ed to hear you say. Go and squat
somewhere else. Go and find the home
liest girl in the country to match you.
The FIRST time ] saw you knew you
was poke Of man and you hadn't
grit enough to push toad OF its nest"
Woman, be careful! If you aggra.
vate me too much
"Aggrayate an old poke! Why, man,
1t would take you three years to get
mad. even If you started in tonight"
The next thing she knew she was
being lifted Off her feet In Abner's
strong arms and deposited In the handy
barrel. Before she could yelp twice
the barrel was whIrled on its side
and given kick to start 1t down the
slope. 1t took an erratic course. II
ran to the right few feet and then
SHE'D to the left. 1t stopped for n
moment at a gooseberry bush and
then lodged and Jumped clear over a
crabapple tree. There were yelling and
screaming from the inmate of the bar
rel, but Abner stood and watched the
circus and shouted back:
"pm a poke, am I? I'm a squatter,
am I? I've got bowlegs and bumped
shoulders and feet like an elephant!
Col durn your hide, roll on"
And the barrel rolled, and Aunt Han.
nah rolled, and neither of them stop.
ped rolling till the barrel crashed
through the fence and brought up
against q shade tree In the street. No