Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1910-12-29


ward success.
First pick out your town. one OF
1000 or 1900 inhabitants. no larger
I'd suggest at hazard guess some
place in the interior OF pennsylvania
Most of such towns have at least one
rich man with a manageable daugh-
ter-but we'll make sure OF that DeIore
we settle on one. OF course any subur'
ban town is barred"
How soi"
"Oh. they don't count. The girls al
WAYS know people in the city--can get
there easily. That spells the game"
"Iiow about the game lawsT
I'm coming to them. OF course
there isn't an open or close season. and
the hunting's always good. but there
arc few precautionary measures to
be taken If you want to be sure Of
tagging an heiress. You won't like
most Of EN-"
Like EN-. I'll live by them
"Well, here come the things you
mustn't do. You mustn't swear or use
slang; you mustn't smoke and you
mustn't drink
"Hcavens. Are these people as inhu.
man as all thi>t?'
Worse than that. 1t might be IA
tal If you were ever seen In the hotel
bar. And. to begin with. you must
refuse all invitations of any sort.
whether to dances. parties. church So
80 ,INc I;on
"Why Sunday dinners!"
because Sundays the only day
you'll be- Invited Dinner on weekdays
is from Il to 1890. and it's strictly a
business matter, no time for guests.
But you needn't fret. They won't ask
you till they've sized you up pretty
carefully"
"Oh"
Moreover. you must be very par
ticular about your dress. 1t must be
absolutely faultless. hut very quiet.
Clothing sober. dark gays and blacks
and plain. but the very last word as
to cut and fit. And everything must
be in keeping. the very best of shirts,
collars ties. hats. socks, shoes, under
wear Kellogg caught Duncan's
look and laughed Your laundrcss
will report on everything. you know,
so you must he impeccable.'
I'm be even that. whatever 1t IS"
BE very particular about having
your shoes polished. shave daily and
manicure yourself relgiously. but don t
let 'cm catch you at it."
Would they raid me If they did,"
And then, my son, you must work. -
Kellogg paused to let his lesson sink
in. After time Duncan observed
plaintively. II knew there was a catch
in it somewhere. What kind of work -
1T doesn't make any difference. so
long as you get and hold some job in
the town.
"Well. that lets me out You'll have
to sic some other poor devil on this
eittering proposition Of yours. l
couldn't hold a job in
"Wait. I'll tell you how to do it In
Just minute"
Il don't mind listening. but
You'll cinch the whole business by
going to church without break.
Don't ever fail--morning and evening,
every Sunday. Don't forget that"
"Why|'
ITS the most important thing OF
ALL"
Does going to church make such Il
hit with the young female Jasper-the
Jasperette. ms it were:"
"ltll make you more solid than any
thing else with her pepper and NOM
mer. and that's very necessary when
you're a candidate for their ducats as
well as their daughter. You must
work and you must go to church"
"rhat can't be all Surely you can
think OF something else"
"Those are the cardinal rules
church and work until you've landed
! your heiress. After that you can move
you strike your town you want to
make arrangements for board and
lodging in some old woman's house.
preferably an old maid. You'll be sure
| to find Mt least half n dozen Of EN-
willing to take boarders, but you want
TO be equally sure to pick out the
one that talks the most. SO that she'll
| tell the ncighborS all about you. Don't
worry about that. though. They all
/ talk When you've moved In stock
| up your room with about twenty of
the drest looking books In tho world,
| Lawbooks look most imposing. Fix up
q table with lots Of stationery
and pencils, red and black ink, and all
/ that sort of thing. Make the room look
rs II yoN We're the most sincere stu
dent ever. And by no means neglect
/ to have Il well worn Bible prominently
in evidence. You can buy one second
! hand at some bookstore before you
| start out
! I'D have to. Of course. | thank you
for the flattery. Proceed with the pro
gram Of the gay. mad life must lead
I'm going to have swell time; that's
perfectly plain"
"As soon as you're shaken down i'll
your room make the rounds OF the
stores and ask for work. Try to get
into the dry goods emporium If you
can The girls all shop there. But any
thing will do, except a grocery or a
hardware store and places like that
You mustn't consider any employment
mat would soil your clothes or rough
en- your lily white hands"
You expect me to believe I'd have