davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1910-11-10

VII lEACl
- HE modern battleship Is
!. !: ]. !. !. !.
" a marvel OF concentra-
- ton and space economy.
m There is no room for
VA III things purely ornamen-
lD4A ESM tai, but every foot OF
w. m space is used to some
SNpt3]fJV purpose In connection
RR with the storage or OPP
" s sss.. s :, :: s7f q: q; 4
work, the safety and the
comfort of the hundreds of men who
crowd one of these floating fortresses.
II one we're to choose, however, the
one section of a battleship which
above all others Is a verltable nest OF
wonders and surprises choice would
unhesitatingly fall upon the "bridge"-
that elevated structure which is SO
appropriately named and which ex-
tends the full width OF the deck on the
forward part of the ship-in front OF
the huge smokestacks, as a 'land lub-
Der" might designate its location.
For one thing, we find on the
bridge an even greater array than any
where else on the ship Of those re-
markable mechanical and electrical
devices which do so much of the
work on shipboard that would seem
to require human intelligence. But
the bridge has in addition q spe-
sial significance which multiplies
many times its Importance and the
interest of its equipment. 1t Is the
nerve center" of the ship, the seat of
authority and command which directs
all the operations within the bounds
of the big armorclad, and also the in
telligence Office through which this
warship community communicates
other vessels of the fleet and, indeed,
with the entire outside world.
Under ordinary conditions when
the battleship is cruising at sea, par
ticipating in battle drill or target prac-
titse or engaged in any of the other
important functions of a sea warrior
the captain commanding, the navigat-
ing officer and other responsible off,
cials Of the ship have their positions
on the bridge. In time of actual battle
those directing heads of the fighting
machine would not expose themselves
on the bridge, but they would not be
far away. Sheltered by coming tow
ers or some other protective screens.
Mexico Missouri message. (Mexico, Audrain County, Mo.) 1899-1918, 1910-11-10
Inner Life in the
Early Church

HAT a wealth of faith and
love and hope is to be
found in the things the
early fathers wrote. We
are perhaps disappointed
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
editorial Page Of Che Cacou1a Ctmes
Captains of Industry All Line Up
Around Mothers Washtub

Monday morning the busiest
earth wife washing
has other do hangs
her this is
She first thing; taking off the
of
ammonia
keeps fannes know-taxe1 20 cent
Washing a pound; bluing 30
a boraX pound,
handling the laundry
taking the washboard tarftaxed 35 and
additional ribbed in the
PRELIMINARY Then bols the
clothes washboler, than 45
maybe she mangle, taxed
the
like the framework.
Then clothes through the the metal
castings which
work rubber rollers 3 dumps them into wicker
clothes the
cohesine 80
wife will sprinkle them with (NOT taxed
20 scute As the fuel
her Clearly scrubbed floor.
p S.-We the
of the other things wife
she the she would If foreign goods
allowed this the
the tariff levied that article sometimes still
the tariff American
of the wash necessities
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
In Little Old New York

himself when he got old enough.
He never chose one. In his school
days the idea of being the only boy
who had no first name rather APP
pealed to his vanity. 1t made
him different. So he stayed diff
ferent. He told the other boys
just to call him Tiff, and they did.
So did the teachers, perforce.
When Tiff was 81 years old he
and his father had quite a little
seance with the election officials.
There was long searching of re-
cords to see whether any ore-
named man had ever voted. They
found that once upon time a
rag-picker in Boston, bearing but
one name, had been accepted las an
elector, and Tifft's name went ON
the poll books. A.
He was married as just plain
Tiff. He has two children, both
of whom have regulation front
names. The idea of a Tiff Jr!,
did not appeal at all favorably to
Mrs. Tiff, and Tiff himself was
not so inhuman as to wish to con-
denim any offspring of his to a
lifetime of explanations and argu-
mentS, like his own. us
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Editor Times: About six weeks
ego two bridges which span mar
row inlats of the bay at Glencove,
WASH, on the main county road
between Long Branch and Gig
Harbor, were torn out by commits
sioners with seeming no intent to
rebuild Them
However, some months prior to
destruction survey was made
through adjoining ranches which
eliminated one bridge and short
ened the other. The interested
parties being notified went to the
commissioners office, wihereupon
Torgy Peterson put up a brilliant
talk why they should donate the
right of way gratis to the county,
which, in one instance crossed
The entire 'FRONT.' of a thirty-six-
acre rapd1 Within a few feet of
the rear clf the house. And ON
being informed by the owner
that before the road crossed his
place he would receive a just
recompence Torgy forthwith or
dsred the road supervisor, who
was present, to tear the bridges
cut, saying the didn't care if there
welC "a read there or not. The
result lis that six children cannot
get to school (whereas in town If
a child is late the truant officer
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Immediately looks him up, butt it
don't amtter If the country kids
get to school CIR mott. And a
number of ranuhers that live with
in one mile of dock and postoffice
have to resort to rowboat or
swim, as the shortest way around
in about seven miles over a road
grown up with underbrush and
honeycombed with gopher holes.
He seems to tlhink it a small mat
ter to cut the farmer out of trans
portaltion facilities.
The sentiment is expressed THAT
If Torgy appears on the scene
anyways soon they will give him
a dose of his own medicine
chance to swim.
No wonder such people as Deitz
arise when corporations and ig-
nerant politicians are allowed to
so tnample on Individual nights
It's sometimes best to ~ easy
with mossbaeks as the moss fire.
quently covers a stiff backbone.
IL THE statements concerning
the road are not correct the WRIT
err solicits prosecution for false
hood by those who care for truth
and justice to abound.
EARL WOODMAN.
Glencove, Wash.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

A tall, slender lady, flower
like, followed in the putting, gasp
ing gents wake. She also took
tea from the tea-caddy.
Cuff will always be a great
game. The Tacoma CUFF contin-
gent comprises three hundred or
so of our very nobbiest citizens.
They speak strange, gutteral
language that they have direct
from the old folks of Muggleti-
gump.
1t has to do with cleeks, bras
sizes. putters, and so on.
When they get real wrought up
they shout fore" at the top of
their voice, and try to swipe the
person nearest them with a gaff
has has spike or something like
that on the end of it.
And they have little white
balls, too. But the balls have
nothing to do with the game, l
believe.
Yep, this CUFF is certainly a
sporty game. If it wasn't, our
leading citizens wouldn't go in for
it, would they? And think of all
the money that John ID. Rockefel-
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
Creases and Styles

1t only when a
street with his
mus
Then small round they
contraptons artistic actually highways
street aisles.
1t is long bustes
and now they straight and down."
few
of collars
torturng feetw on
the heels
little children Is
looks little daughter
going sonnet
Women, children, becoming rational
time the actually
Why, optimistic think hone
for the pretty girl and the college boy
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
by Norman.


NEW YORK, Nov. 29.-In New
York there lives a man named
Tiff. Simply Tiff, and nothing
more. Not John Tiff, nor +. w.
Tiff, nor any Tiff. Just lift. So
far as Tiff himself knows, he is
the only male representative Of
twentieth century civilization bear
ing but a single name.
Tifft's office is in the Produce
Exchange Building. where he is
in business with his father and
uncle. He is 80 years old The
names of the members of tie firm
appear on their letter-heads as j.
r. Tiff, A. H. Tiff and Tiff. The
bearer of the lonesome name has
gotten rather tired by this time
of explaining, but he is affable,
He realizes that this
is matter which must be explain
ed, and he bears his burden pa
tiently.
His plight came about through
a peculiar decision Of his father
and mother in regard to his name.
Neither liked the suggestions made
by the other, and they decided to
let the boy choose a name for
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
LAUGHS IL HOURS
AT HIS OWN JOKE


LAWRENCEBURG, Ind, Nov.
27.-S. H. Schrapp, a horse trad
err, told Ibis friend story about
trading a mule for a sihaved-tail
horse.
Wasn't that a great joke,
boys?" he said. Then he laugh
ed and tears rolled down his fat
cheeks. At the close of an hour
Schrapp still lhowled and shrieked
in unrestrained mirth. His friends
became alarmed. After two hours
a physician, hastily called, found
Schrapp rolling about the floor,
still shrieking about that shaved
tail horse. The physician tried a
sad tale cure, but it wouldn't
work. When six hours had pass
ed and Schrapp continued to be
with laughter, another
doctor was called, but he also was
helpless.
"Stop. it! Stop it. You're it.
We give up. You're the cham
pion lausher!" his friends shout
ed, but there was nothing doing.
The physicians held a hurried
at the close Of the
twelfth hour of uninterrupted
hilarity, and Schrapp was given
a heavy shock with an electric
battery. He fell over exhausted,
and the greatest long distance
laugh on record was ended. For
a time his life was despaired of,
but in two days he was all over
it. mo more funny stories for
me-" says Schrapp.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Ter and Andy Carnegie have made
playing CUFF.
Carnegie is really the best play
er, because he will go bare-legged.
John d. draws the line at going
bald-headed, they tell me.
That goes to show that folks
tastes run to different extremes.
Any bright, sunny afternoon
nowadays you can see a dozen or
so of these CUFF enthusiasts out
there, smashing and whacking at
each other. They don't get with
in striking distance very often
because the tea-caddy is always
in the way. 1t would scarcely do
to put the tea-caddy out of COM
ish. He's only a hireling, anyway.
Thank the cave men for CUFF,
if you will. l would much rather
they had stuck to riding the din
iosauris and hunting the mutter-
ing mastadon. Think of what
sport we could have had then.
And we could have left this
CUFF game to the leading citizens,
as we do now.
Did you every play tiddle-de-
winks, Anas.asia?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

In the year 700 B. c.. on high,
wind-swept plateau in Central
Muggletigump, a cave gentleman
who found time hanging heavily
upon his hands, cast about him for
a new diversion. His stable of
diniosaurif was getting seedy. The
excitement of chasing ninety-foot
mastadons was palling, and liz
ard-baiting was too tame for
aught but children.
So this god citizen of Muggleti-
gump invented new game.
You see, the cave men didn't
have any regular, everyday Ian
guage; they just made noises like
your own pet fox terrier Fido.
The cave gentleman who invent
ed this game called it CUFF!
Years rolled on; yea, centuries
and cons passed swiftly by.
Muggletigump became progress
sive. The folks began wearing a
bit of woven cloth where once
tanned skin (animal skin, y un-
derstand) had sufficed.
But that prime game of CUFF
remained.
The idea was to chase a nice
round rock all over the lot with
a big club.
If you hit a fellow player with
the rock it counted one, and if you
hit him with the club it counted
two.
After a while they dropped
the name of Muggletigump and
called it Scotland. The noble
game of CUFF ermained.
True, they spelled it golf after
they acquired language. But
it is still pronounced CUFF.
If you don't believe it, you
should have been with us out at
the links of the Tacoma. Cuff and
Country club this morning.
A stoutish party was playing.
I He wore a red knitted coat,
very brief pantaloons and high
stockings. He got around the
links half way while we watched,
taking a bit of hot tea from the
caddy between gasps.
Surely you've heard of a tea
caddy? (tee heeD
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Wanamaker to be: the American
Express Co., the United States Ex-
press Co.. the Adams Express Co.,
and the Wells Fargo Express Co.
.
Just why should there be any
delay in the adoption of the par
cells post?" l asked Frank Hitch
cock few days ago. "WeH, you
see," he replied, 1--WE are not quite
ready for it. 1t would be expen-
sive and-and-well, you see we
are not quite ready for it. l favor
1t, but we are not quite ready for
it,"
'In other words" 1 said sweetly,
you favor it for some other post
master generals administration
which is to follow yours"
Whereupon the subject dropped
with a dull thud. Sincerely,
RATH.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
FenhtimAtpeW{zu


Washington, d. c., Nov. %, 1910.
Dear Dad: The master of the
national grange names correctly
the three reasons why farm pro-
duce is high priced to the consumer
and low priced at the farm. They
are: Poor roads, making it eX-
pensive to get the produce from
the farm to the railway; freight
rates based not on cost of carriage
but watered stocks, and middle
men who call themselves com
mission merchants" but who are
generally wholesalers trust,
standing between the goods and
the consumer.
There are four reasons why the
parcels post legislation has always
failed. They were correctly stated
by former Postmaster General
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
One Hundred and Ten Millions Velvet

The railroads asking the farmers
working
alleging the higher of living
For the ending July first the railroads
collected
gain IA
of upkeep a
profit of hundred fifty millions
hundred and ten millions the before
This equals dividend of IN the
ocean of which have been issued the form of stocks
and bonds in the of holding
other Wast jugges since befo the days of Jay Gould
This profit
in the of materials and supplies
The increase railroad
subject of of
expense profits
1-3
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
OBSERVATIONS

troublesome
Of the good citizens of Seattle
and cutlery but strange neither
breaking their necks to get Waiting
Is in for? What?
providing present they'll grow
tresome
from The town is waiting to which
LIKE a of Richard Gro
ker of Ireland to a victorious Tammany.
MERGER of all Northwest Hartman lines Old
corporation wasn't large
Wpng out competition putting minng
money all hollow. -
MORE New Workers in New York city by
New York state Maybe this
enlargement in figures
IF the doesn't interfere
his 4year sentence. Always
Abes little matter.
THREE loving daughters will
die leaving millions and
BRAZIL got revolutionary Wonder il -nyhings
eatin Canada? n
PLANNING inaugural ball for Uncle Hiram Johnson
Has really going TO demand that
ut popular rates.
excitement got into Utah alfalfa
We thought noticed
ACCORDING to censored dispatches from President Daz
revolution suppressed and the fighting
places.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

onions pulled up, like der f>Sutife
coult nod resisd der temptation.
OSCAR ISIS fond of onions. l guess
we can follow der scent now"
(Sniff, Sniff
eve are gaining, Mr.. Adolf.
Look here is camp fire with a
bratwust cooking"
well, veil, all der earmarks of
OSCAR! Kit Carson, you are a
wonder. But we're ISIS der dip
dyed villain
Are those your friends feet I'M
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
US. Has More People Than
Rest of Two Continents

In point of population the
United States is bigger than the
Is republics south and the one
country north of MS, with 15,000,-
600 people to spare!
In figures: The population of all
the rest of the two continents is
74,046,072, as compared to 92,-
100000.
\ The statistics as to population
of Canada and Latin America anz
nounced by the United States de-
partment of commerce are as fol-
1Auyc.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

no more let Warfield get away
from 1.-The Music Master" than it
would let jefferson desert RIP
Van Wrinkle" Warfield is a Jew.
He is modest, married, home-fov-
ing and an art collector,
Many happy returns, Dave!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

-; that haystack?"
"Ach, yess. OSCAR! OSCAR
Ain'd oyu glat to see me?"
But OseRr was not glad. "For
fife dollars" he exclaimed, chok-
ing with chagrin, 81 voult trow
diss bratwurst right into your fat
face, human bodybuilding, vot
you are!"
y -
Next week Kit Carson Boone
tries to teach them to be bona
fide, not burlesque, Boy Scouts.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Another Reason Women
Should Vote.
81 am ashamed that my state
did grant women the right to
vote. Poor Richard BalNnger.
So Hughes is to be chief JUS
tice. Some better than Elihu
Root, trick monkey of the Money
Power.
When some temptation doesn It
get a man it's a sure sigm there's
no temptation around.
Teacher: Why did Hannibal
cross the Alps, my little man?
New Kid: For the same reason
as the hen crossed the road. You
don't catch me with no puzzle.
Little Tahiti was the cradle of
q Viking-like race which peopled
islands through the Pacific, going
as far as Madagascar, 10000
miles, in open boats.
AT an elevation of 10 feet
above THE sea, the apparent hori-
Con is about ten miles away.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
Anticipated Laws

Gibbons years occupant Chicago
bench criminal
law a
THE courts often decisions
on trivial techncaes that don't exist longer in
they originally
during the feudal times when justice and the law farce
with little change, the judges opinion
civil we'll
learned opinion pertaining these
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
Most ~4nyfb'n6

She pulled and prayed to Santa
Claus
Till tears ram down her facet
She Thought She'd surely get "a
vause,
But only got vase!
A bird in We bush is worth two
on hat.
1t takes tree a hundred years
to get good start. Any fool can
cut one down in an hour or two.
Al Re of Massachusetts says
he has the shortest name In the
country, and Miss Eda Elk, also of
the Bay state, .thinks his conten-
ton may be we'll founded But
IT'S nothing to boast of, anyway.
Our Own Crusade.
Editor Most Anything. I've got
a use for "Hooper's Anedyne, the
Infants Friend" Pour 1t down
the sewer and it kills the germs
1t kills 'em all right.
MRS. ]. X.
Berger and Henry George in
congress and Depew out. Were
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
we're OSCARS FEET ISIS, Den he ISIS NEAR BY

Adolf Solfes der Trailing Prob
lem by DISCOVERING der Way TO DO
Id. OF Coure, a Real Boy Scout
Hat to Butt i'm unG Share der
Glory, but Dere ISIS Glory Enough
for Two Ven der Odder Feller Fur
ishes All of Id.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
LOVE LETTERS OF
A SCHOOL MA AM
Gathered by
Dora w. Featherstone.
Letter No. y.
AN ENEANT TERRIBLE.

Dear Madam
Ny little boy amt six yet but 1
am sending him to school because
he is so bad my wife can't do a
thing with him. Be so kind as to
keep him and please teacher
threaten him each night that you
will lick him in the morning If he
amt good at home.
And Oblige
HIS FATHER.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

lean - actor De
cause he acts not
like an actor but
like an everyday
man. He's on the
beautiful line be-
tween laughter
and tears, and
his hearers go
with him ii each
side. Beginning
as a newsboy and
usher in San
Francisco, h | s
t a | g II t S as a
mimic led him to
the cheap stage,
then upward I'M
til David Bella
SEQ took him up.
The nublic will
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
The Cave Gentlemen Of Muggletigump Invented
II, and Our Very Best Citizens Are Still at 1T

They Speak a Strange, Gutteral
Language and Try - TO Swipe
Their Neighbors with Clubs,
Taking "a Sip of Tea From the
Caddy Between Clasps.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
In the Editors Mail

from Times printed in this
column when they sufficient
write about anything anybody long
your motive.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

from Black Rock in rowboats to
attack a British military post.
Upon arriving within range of the
British guns, six boatloads reach
ed the sage conclusion that dis
erection was the better part of
valor and put back to Black Rock.
but the other four actually landed
100 men, drove back the British
garrison, threw the guns into the
river and captured the post COM
'mander and a score of other pris-
nnprg
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
BY FRED sCHAEFER

sition. There he was alone in the
world, OSCAR having departed with
long strides across the fields
Adolf must find him, or perish
| helplessly like an oyster in the will
derness with no one to guide him.
Thrown on his own resources and
stunned by the impact, Adolf ran,
or rather toddled, hither and
Ithither, in panic, forgetting that q
Boy Scout above all things must
be self reliant. And in doing SO
he came up with real Boy Scout
Innocence in distress always en-
| lists the sympathies of a real Boy
Scout and this one was not an ex-
ception.
"Hello! What's the matter ?"
said the Boy Scout, saluting.
dit you see a long-legged fell
Ter nit a pit helmet on und odder
|clodings like Boy Scouid,
blease replied Adolf, putting for
breath.
Why, no. But why are you
panting?"
ooh, I am all right am quite
painless, tank you. Only dot fell
Ter OSCAR und l am hiss PATROL"
What Patrol?"
"Schnitzelbank No. 1. I am
afrait he von'd get any supper eff
he don'd find me und take me by
"a hotel"
"Allow me to introduce myself.
| am Kit Carson Boone of Grizzly
Bear No. SS and happy to meet
you"
ri am delightet to deaf also, lid
die boy. Us Boy Scouids must to-
gedder acquainted GET
"Can l do anything for yoh?"
well, | hat holdings to eat.
True, dit knock ofer 4 felt mouse
NIT my alpenstock, but l can'd eat
him mitouid paprika. Half you
maybe got some paprika?"
mo, but here is some bread and
meat and in my canteen is some
nice fresh water"
Tank you, don'd care to wash.
But l will take some bread und
meat. Much oblitched."
Where do you Iive?"
my attress iss 33,45S c. B. G.
c."
"what, 3s45s c. B. & Q. Where
lis that?"
DOT is hart TO say. Id iss a
box car ind a train came und took
Id away vile 1 stepped ouid to get
der morning paber. But / must
find OSCAR. 1 am trailing him."
Can assist? am good at
trailing"
80? Likewise am / too. See,
here iss some footprints / hat been
following
why, those are your own!"
we'll, dey wass der larchtest
vons / couldt see."
Locke, here are other foot
printes and they have made long
burrows through the grass as IL the
person were exhausted7 He must
not be fat away. And hore the
track leads through an onion
field"
Yess. yess! Und dere i-a
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

Entered at the postoffice at Tacoma. Wash, as
second class matter TELEGRAPHIC SERVICE
OF UNITED PRESS ASSOCIATION.
PUBLISHED EVERY EVENING EXCEPT SUM-
DAY BY THE TACOMA TIMES PUBLISHING
COMPANY.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

falo, N. y, IL
there had been
any B u { { a | o
then, was the
scene of one of
the most novel
of naval battles,
more than 23o
S o ] d / e r S and
sailors g o / n 9
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
OUR DAILY
Birthday Party

David Warfield is A years old
today. He is the bestowed Amer
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28

DNnNEC Bushes. office Main 73s, A1Ts3
HVNLS Circulation Dept. Main g33, A1-33
Editorial Dept. Main zo4, A1733
oFFIcE-76s COMMERCE. ST.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-11-28
TODAY IN HISTORY

Nov. %, 1912, Fort Erie which
would have been across from Buff