The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1910-08-24
ONE CENTURY HENCE.
Young Man In the City, Take This
Timely Tip and skedaddle Right
Back to the Farm.

Back to the Farm.
1t is Paula's Old-fashioned whim that
makes us visit the old folks in the city
every five or six years. think she
hates to leave the comforts of the
farm as much as do, but she was
born and reared in the city, poor girl,
and, perhaps, even stupid, out-of-date
Broadway has a faint memorial lure
for her. Also she has queer senti-
ment about duty to ones parents, new
Ter having been taught that parents
are mere accidents, for which one is
not responsible.
Never again, though! I'm back
among my COWS and conveniences and
nevermore will be dragged into the
dinky, dull, seedy, subway-ridden, pow
erty-stricken dump they call New
York. Paula's folks can think, if they
want to, that I'm swelled up and look
down on them just because I'm a farm
er and they mere common city folks.
They can come out here and cape at
my private monorail system, run my
best aeroplane into the hanging spin
ach gardens and smash sthe wireless
with their chatter to Cousin Rudolph's
folks in Mars. They're welcome any
time. But they can't reciprocate.
My father had some sense. He was
q good old Forty-niner Joined the
Back-to-the-Land Rush Of 1s49, you
know and I've stuck to his pay dirt.
The fools that stayed in the city can
keep staying there. If they can live
on $4,000 year and enjoy clerking
in q store at that pay, all right But
one of my automatic hens earns more
than that in q week.
I've tried to help EN- too. Why, my
wife's dad, even at sixty-fve, If he'd
take my advice and buy little IA
story irrigation farm in Sahara, stock
1t with artificial dirt, raise flowers on
the ground floor, pigs on the second,
fruit on the third, and so on, would
have decent nest-egg before he died.
And he'd be within Is minutes fly of
New York all the time.
The cost of living began going upl
way back in my grandmother's time
1908 or something like that and still
lot Of those city dopes couldn't take
a hint-went on putting good money!
into railroads with two rails.
However, it's no use ridiculing the
wife's folks. All say is that won't
visit their foolish urban den any more.
Why, the old man makes noises when
he talks, as If the soundless speaker
had never been invented, And he want
ed me to shave with safety razor.
when one could see at a glance that
my vacuum puller had given me a bald
face for life.
Then when asked the butler to
call up Aunt Jennie's spirit in the 9TH
er world on the spook telephone,
Paulas mother informed me that they
-
didn't talk with the dead, because it
seemed uncanny to their old-fashioned
minds. Wouldn't that crumple you
up?
But, OF course, they're poor. dent
suppose the old mans got million to
his name. So I'll have to forgive him
for running the sewing machine and
wash wringer with an electric battery
instead of connecting the house with
Halley's comet power, which runs ev-
erything on the farm, except Paula.
Yes. forgive them, but never again
for me! Hey, Gus, switch the weather
regulator for rain. see by the long
distance camera that the onions in
the northeast corner of the seventy
third story are a bit dry. No, you can
fill the New York order with the
fourteen-year-old eggs; doubt if the
thirteens are ripe enough for the lay
trade. And shift the Burbank gage
in the twenty-third level; we'll raise
pickles on the strawberry vines this
year.-Puck.