Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-03-04

offered to do the cooking
"Shame on youl You came home last
night actually tipsy."
$50 l did, my dear. | just couldn't re-
sist the pleasure of seeing two of you at
once"
One day 5-year-old Bobby was severely
chastised by his mother, who had pre-
viously told him of his prehistoric where
abOuts. "M-mamma,' he sobbed, 81
w-wish had stayed in h-heaven."
An Irish street car conductor called
out shrilly to the passengers standing in
the aisle. "Will thin in front place to
move up 50 that thin behind can take
the places of thin in front, an' lave rom
for thin who are nayther in front nor
behind?"
Father" asked the small boy of an
editor, lis Jupiter inhabited?" l don't
know, son." was the truthful answer.
Presently he was interrupted again.
"Father, are there any sea serpentsP" Il
don't know, my SON." The little fellow
was manifestly cast down, but presently
rallied and again approached the great
source of information. Father, what
does the North Pole look like?" But,
alasl again the answer, 81 don't know.
my SON." At last in desperation, he in
quired, with whitening emphasis:
Father, how did you get to be an edi-
tor?"
Attorney Benjamin Gage, one of the
lecturers at Western Reserve Law School,
was telling not long ago, says the Cleve-
land Leader, the tale of law student
who exhibited much youthful precOcity
at getting down to the real facts of a
given proposition.
Near the approach of the final exami-
nations few years ago, one of the law
professors was cautiOning his class
against neglecting thorough review of
the semester's work and pointing out in
a general way what the examination
would cover. "Pil pause to answer any
questions" the professor added, ''and
then must go to prepare the examina-
tiop papers and. hurry them to the
printer"
Nobody had any question for mo-
ment, and then a solemn, thoughtful
looking student in the rear Of the room
arose and signified his desire to ask
something.
printer"
Mrs. POarck is tactful woman, skill
full and calm, as is shown by the way she
handles her sometimes uDruiy husband.
MIR. Poarck came home very late the
other night from an important political
gathering. In the hall he kicked up
rather row, growing and swearing to
himself till his wife called to him from
upstairs:
"What's the matter, my dear?"
"Matter-hic-is," Mr. POarch shouted,
"that there's two hat racks here, and l
dunno which one to hang my hat on p
''But you've got two hats, haven't
you?" said Mrs. POarch soothingly.
Hang one on each rack and come up to
bed. You're tired"
Former Judge Beasley, one of the
counsel of the Public Service Railway
company, in summing up case before
the jury the other day, told the following
story to show the unreasonableness of a
woman:
"Pat Finnigan had been summoned to
jury duty. Coming down stairs one
dressed in his Sunday clothes,
his wife looked at him and said:
where are you going, Pat?'
HE replied I'm going to coort.'
HIM said the wife, and Pat stalked
out. Next morning Pat came down
stairs all shaven and shorn, with the
same suit of clothes Oh.
"'And where are you going today?
said the wife.
Sure, I'm going to coOrt.'
"'Ye are, are YEP
''Pat went out and slammed the door.
The third morning Pat came in and sat
down to the breakfast table with the
same suit of clothes on, and greeted his
wife, who said:
land where are you going this morn
ing, Pat?'
I'm going to coort.'
THE wife laid her hands upon a roll
ing pin, stood before the door, and said;
"'Ye're going to coort. are ye?
'Yis,' said Pat.
mo, ye're not. If there's any coort-
ing to be done 1t will be done right here.
Go up stairs and take off thin ciothes.'"
A burglar while attempting t. rob
bloated bondholder of MaryvilIe by mis-
take got into the humble residence of an
editor next door. After unsuccessfully
fumbling about for suitable assets for
some time he was disguised to observe
the tenant of the house sitting up III bed