Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1910-01-29

ciently TO ring bell and order damp
refreshments.
rs it as bad as that?" he was asked.
Ono one VIII ever know the suffer-
ing my reputation has caused me.
How / envy other men. who can carry
on little chat without being expected
to drape their remarks with jokes.
That's why l am compelled to do a
monologue on the telephone. Every
body expects 1t of me. Had | just
used the ordinary conversation tho
telephone girl would turn to her friends
and say that was going back. You
wouldn't have been half so eager to
interview me IL l hadn't tried to
brighten up our talk"
MUST MAKE THE WAITER
LAUGH.
But thought you liked to joke"
Il do for a living. but my friends
won't let 1t go at that. They insist
that | say funny things on every oCca-
sion. and if l don't. heaven help me. 1t
would be all right IL could get union
hours for the wit l am credited with
having. but there's no hope for any
thing like that. When you're through
with your work you go home and for
get 1t. Not so me. I've got to joke
twice as hard after l leave the theater
or I'm a goner. l can't rest for
second. I've got to keep ahead OF the
game all the time
You appear to have succeeded
But think of the frightfu strain.
After other actors have killed half q
dozen people or have saved the hero
inc from the Villains clutches and paid
the mortgage on the old farm their
work is done. l go to my dressing
room and on the way I'm expected to
break off a new wheeZe for the benefit
of the company and the stage hands.
II.
man who waits on me starts laughing
right off the reel. l havn't got the
heart to disappoint him so 1 lose my
appetite trying to produce a joke. My
reputation is saved but my digestion
has received another upper cut
"At home it's just as bad. The folks
wake up when 1 come in and can't
keep asleep unless 1 feed them little
nocturnal nonsense. Then l go to bed
and lie awake all night trying to think
of eXtemporaneous remaks for the next
day. 1t is a downright shame to make
such a fool out of the bed. And it's
a perfectly good bed. too"
But joking seems to agree with you.
You look fine"
"I've got to look fine. I've tried be-
ing i'll once or twice and everybody
gave me the laugh. Why. I'd have 10
be dead at least four days before thsX
would believe / was III. 1 go to gee
my dentist, and he expects me to amusc
him while he is eXcavating n molar
whose root Is just this side of my ankle,
l was driven from barber shops long
ago because you can't refuse to tell
a man a joke when he may resent II
by performing an autopsy on you. Be
lieve Master Willie that the man VINO
starts out to be a humorist Is never
going to get any rest"
ACTOR MUSTN'T BE "REMEM-
BERED."
TT will all come out right in the
end"
EFF you mean the upper end" said
Mr. Collier surveying his hair In the
glass; 'it is nearly all out now. l ap-
preciate the fact that my audiences
seem to like my work, but they have
no idea of the way l labor to please
them. And I've got to keep getting
better all the time. The worst blow an
actor can get is to hear some one say
I think he Is. very good in this. but i
remember him in so and So The min
ute they start remembering you in
something else it's time to reserve a
room In the storehouse for your pro-
duction. And another thing. Don't
run away with the impression that
everything I say Is spontaneous. Most
of my laughs are built up try them
every way in order to get the best re-
suits"