Morris tribune., 1910-01-07
JANUARY
FOR
Copyright 1908 By c.H. RIErH0


Who had with exclamation then
Dashed after him, an angry crowd,
Made way for him, and smiled and
bowed
With all the homage rendered pelf,
Till John just had to pinch himself.
He reached the calaboose at last,
And when the jailer's daughter cast
A dozen roses in his path
And asked him for his photograph,
And all the thieves began to shout
Appeals to him to get them out,
Suspicion had become so strong
That John knew there was something
wrong.
And so there was, as they with mirth
Explained to him: The pig was worth
Two bits pound, and stealing it
Was not mere thieving, but a bit
Of high finance, for which there is
No penalty. The pig was his,
And not the butchers, like the time
When pork was selling at dime.
January gets it's name from Janus
Bifrons, famous Roman explorer.
Two faced Janus, as he is known,
claimed to have reached the North
Pole as early ~ 3 :. c., but he could
not Copenhagen with the wisdom of
that learned city, and they put the
den mark on him.
March was at that time the begin
ming of the year. This month was
named for the great war god of the
Romans, but Numa said that mas
much as liars were first at the pole
and everywhere else they might as
well be first i'll the calendar, too, and
January was made the first month.
Subsequently Caesar increased the
number of days in it from 20 to 81.
He was to retire from the imperator-
ship the last of the month, and want
ed to squeeze five pay days into it.
The water wagon will resume
With Carrie Nation chaufing
And megaphones announcing room
For anybody loafing.
The happy group will fool along
With prohibition potter
And now and then hit up song
Of loyalty to water.
The wary publican, about to be re-
duced to squalor, will set glass and
bottle out and blow upon his caller.
The which display and dulcet sound
will set old ballads ringing, and on the
second time around not many will be
singing.
At which the publican will send
A wireless Tom and Jerry
With earthenware hit end to end
And whistle on a cherry.
And when the car comes round again
Someone, the truth confding
To Carrie gently, will explain
That no one else is riding.
The wolf will wear a groove around
the poor mans habitation, and even
prunes will go to twice their present
valuation. The thrifty populace will
sift the ashes for its fuel, and the
plutocrat will wear piece of bacon
for jewel.
The wilma will smite the house with
its refrigerated drizzle, and Boreas
will work around the windows with a
chisel. The plumber will run in and
out at 30 cents minute, and the NOV
ing van will come around with seven |
bailiffs in it..
It is cheerful time of year, there is
no doubt about it, and Winters such
a hit with US we could not do without
it. The shaggy calf backed in the
stack with straw around his plumb
ing would bawl his heart out if he
thought the gentle Spring were COM
ing.
He'd hate to see the grass grow
green and hear the brides MARBLE, or
greet the passing tumblebug back
pedaling his marble. He wouldn't
give whoop outdoors to gambol on
the clover and dance the raz-pa-ta
until exhaustion bowls him over.
He loves the way his ribs stick out
and rattle in the blizzard, and dotes
upon the piece of ice he's using for a
gizzard. The tempest and the paucity
of sustenance delight him, and he
dearly loves to wonder where the
Arctic next will bite him.
The sign of the zodiac for January
will be Halley's comet, which is now
bearing down upon us at the rate of
about 1900 miles minute. The COM
ing of this comet has been awaited
with great deal of satisfaction by
people who believe that providence