Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1910-02-24
The Hello
Girls Story

"O-o-o-oh, such liars. Such awful.
frfghtful, terrible, hideous, dazzling,
unholy liars as men are!"
Twas a telephone girl calculating
it-a telephone girl in one Of the
main hotel lobbies.
The Indictment was so overwhelm-
ing that she was asked to elucidate.
Whereupon she deftly picked her
hunk Of gum from one Of the unused
switch pegs. inserted 1t into the wait
ing orif1ce. and prattled right ahead.
"Oh, the outrageous lies they
phone to their wives to excuse their
not being home as they ought to BET"
said she, looking. however, not quite
so Mortified as might have been ex-
pected, "and their deliberate, callous,
cold-blooded, foxy way of lying, too
o-o-oh!"
Detailed counts Of this allegation
were called for.
"Oh, WE'LL" said the telephone girl.
you ought to hear 'em. that's all.
Two of 'em that came in here about
z o'clock last evening were samples
samples Of the limit. They were men
around thirty, and both Of them were
what men folks call happy-soused.
They strolled in here, arm in arm.
sort of leaning on each other. They
weren't so happysoused that they had
lost their foxiness, though; men nev.
er become SO far gone as to lose their
caGyness, in my opinion.
10 - hos
matey7' the lean man asked the fat
one.
search me-. said the fat one.
pushing back his hat and scratching
his head. Gotta pull some new stun.
She's Jerry to all of the old comedy
"'Old boyhood pal Of yours just
breezed in from Minneapolis and
you've got to take him around?' sug-
gested the lean man, grinning.
".Aw, nav, nothin' like that said
the fat one disgustedly. That's an
almanac A. D. 1887 number. Nix.
Gotta spring something new and
neat
"'Man that you've got a big deal
on with breezed along and dragged
you off to dinner?' suggested the lean
one again.
wheezed the fat man. I've tried to
ease her that one fifty times and new
er got 1t over yet
"'Gotta run over to Baltimore to
fix up a hurry business gag?'
'Nothin' resembling It,
Friend Of yours took you over
to Anacostia to look at bungalow
sitter
"'Trted that last summer and got
the boots
"'Man interested in model tene-
ments kept you downtown to show
you a lot Of model tenement blue
prints?'
"'Say, how old dye think my wife
is-'bout six? She'd want to see the
blue prints, believe me-
"'Your boss took you out in his
new motor car and the machine
broke down in Bladensburg, and you'll
be home as soon as repairs are nader
"'F1iv, too
"'Went to the hospital to see an
old side-kicker that's dying of-er-
housemaid's knee or somethingf'
"'Not a chance
"'Fellow bet you you couldn't walk
to Great Falls and back, and you took
him up?'
Million to one shot
"'Man In your Office took sick from
eating soft shell crabs at lunch and
you had to take him to his home over
near Laurel, Md.?'
"'That likewise is flimz.'
"Then the lean one grinned in Q
puzzled sort of way and looked
around kind Of hopelessly.
"'Gee,' he said to the fat ono,
you've slipped her most OF the roper.
todre, haven't you, pal?'
"'Fraid / have replied the fat
man gloomily. But say. II we're go
ing to that doll burlesque show. it's
time to eat, and I've gotta pass her
some old thing. Let's see,' and he
pushed his hat up from one side and
scratched above his ear. Gosh. I've
got 1t! I'll blame it all on you, sect
I'll tell her that your wife's out Of
town and that when l met you on my
way home you were picked up to the
necktie, and that had, of course, to
take care Of you. and
"'Ice that, ice that said the lean
one, grabbing his fat friend by the
coat lapel. Put that in storage be-
fore you pull it and get me in Dutch
or than I am already. Why, you big
iummox, doesn't your spouse hate me
enough already without your piling UP
this new stuff? How dye know but
what my wife has spent the hull after
noon with your wife, anyhow Don't
you know that the minute you tell her
that we're together, why, your w1fe'u
call up my wife, and they'll get to