The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-02-24
THEY HED NEVER
KNOWN SORGHUM
Dark Ignorance in the Effete
East
DECLARES MR.. MISSOURI
Searches City for Western DelIcacy
And Is Disappointed-Even His
Wife Had Never Heard
of "Themo

FROM the Boston Herald.
A young man from southern Missouri
where they grow sorghum cane and
distill its juice into molasses with a
tang in its taste, came east a few years
ago. Last month he married a girl who
has never been west of Worcester or
south of Braintree.
The pair settled down, or rather up,
in a top floor apartment Mrs. Missouri
is proud of her kitchen skill, while Mr..
Missouri thinks he can do shopping for
the dining room table better than any
woman on the hill.
My DEAR" he remarked at dinner a
few days ago, I'm going to get some
thing tomorrow as I come home that
will be a great treat for both of us.
Guess what"
Tickets to the opera?" she guessed.
oh, no; I was talking about food.
Now guess"
why then-soft shell crabs. Goody!
I Just love EN-. don't you?"
yes, but l wasn't talking about soft
shell crabs. nor any other kind. You'll
have to guess again. It's something
that grows on farm, not in the sea-"
Pork chops" guessed Mrs. Missouri,
with a laugh.
True, pork chops grow on a farm,
but the treat I am going to get for our
table is not an animal nor any part
thereof Still, though, it's no hog. 1t can
run; and strange to say it runs faster
in hot weather than in cold"
Whats the enigma?'
| Oh. try another guess, my dear"
| Something that grows on a farm, isn't
al animal, but can run? HIM, l give it
up."
Going to Get Some Sorghum
My dear" saio Mr. Missouri, lowering
h.s voice and bending close as if fearing
same invisible presence might overhear
ard Immediately corner all the visible
| supply of the treat-to-be I'm going-to
| set-some sorghum
Mrs. Missouri stared rather bankly at
Mr.. Missouri. She did not appear partic-
llarly elated over the unlidding of the
g-eat secret AT first she was about to
say something beginning with what, but
she checked herself and said instead:
Indeed; and where will you get them?'
Them? It's it, my DEAR" corrected Mr.,
Missouri Get it at any grocery store,
Of course. Where else?'
Very well, but don't buy too big a
mess There's only two of us, you know"
"Oh, jt'll keep said the young hus-
hand. Aren't you glad I thought of
il? Haven't had any for three years
and I'm dying for a taste"
Then you must have the larger share"
said generous Mrs. Missouri who then
adroitly turned the conversation into an
other channel. wherein 1t flowed as
smoothly as sol ghum on midsummer
day.
The next day Mr.. Missouri dropped in at
lie grocer on the way home. He hadn't
forgotten. His mouth was watering
ior II.
Gimme half a gallon O. sorghum"
he said. How much is it?'
The grocer's boy first looked puzzled,
then disguised.
"Wotchu say?" he asked
Sorghum; sorghum" reiterated Mr..
Missouri slowly and distinctly.
"Wot's that?"
Sorghum why, its molasses, of course
Hurry up wit it"
"Wot kind o. mlasses you want?"
Sorghum, I said; sorghum molasses.''
I'VE amt got that kind, I guess; never
heard of it. Here, Mr.. Clark to the
older clerk; 1--WE got anyJ-wotchu say
it wuz?"
Sorghum, I said, Missouri repeated to
the clerk addressed by the boy
"I-huh-don't think I-huh-know ex-
actly what you mean, SIR said this
man.
What Don't know what I mean when
I say plainly I want a half gallon O.
sorghum? Do have TO draw a dia-
gram?"
Never Heard of 1t
well, I've been clerking in grocery
| stores II years next month and I swan
l never heard O. that kind O. molasses."
rs the proprietor in?" quietly inquired
Missouri.
yep, in the back room gettin' some
lard"
Mr.. Missouri walked into the back room
and ordered half a gallon of sorghum.
The grocer, who was wiping his fingers
on a piece of cheesecloth, look at him
inquiringy.
Half a gallon o. what?' he asked.
"Sorghuml" shouted Missouri. "S-o-r-
g-h-u-rn, sorghum, Catch that?"
II catch it," admitted the grocer, "but
I don't hold it. / never heard of it in
all my life"
How long have you been in the gro.
Gerry business?'
"Oh. about 10 years"
And never heard of good old sorghum
molasses! Well, good day. I'll do my
| trading hereafter with grocers who know
| their business.
|
| stalked out and walked directly across
| tho street to the hated rival of Grocer
No. l. The grocer, Clark, the clerk and
the grocer's boy compared notes and con-
cluded that their late customer was drink
| ing too much.
| Missouri entered the store of Grocer
No 2 and called for half gallon Of sor-
ghum Blank looks. From grocer, clerk
| and boy, on descending scale this
time, Missouri got blank looks and bold
denials, They were not guilty, never
heard of that stuff-what was it, any,
way?
| Missouri spelled the name slowly and
the store crew took its triangular poll
| Missouri was getting late for dinner
| There was no other grocery in the block
| and his apartment house entrance was
half way down the side street. He went
home. remarking to the elevator boy, who
was from Mississippi
Hey, boy, did you ever hear Of sor-
| gbum molasses?'
Did All mister? He He! All raickon
| All did Yum! Yum!'
Missouri gave the negro a quarter. A
fellow feeling made him wondrous kind.
Mrs. Missouri met him at the door with
| n kiss and frown. He was 20 minutes
late, and she asked him why.
my dear. I'm awfully sorry" he said,
"but couldn't get 1t today. I'll get 1t
tomorrow, though. downtown. I reckon
they know something downtown"
Mrs. Missouri glanced solfcitiously at
her husband. She asked him, timidly.
what he was talking about.