Elmore County Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1910-1915, 1910-05-14

w liz ouC oohCus
why, your Uncle Samuel. The
Red, White and Blue, you know. Old
.776-the Star Spangled Banner, Hail
Columbia" explained the bland youn
man.
ooh, you're the census taker, she
said.
Yep, said the bland young man.
"Well, l am 20 years of age, she
said.
Better guess again" said the
bland young man. "Everybody's en-
titled to three guesses. All prizes
and no blanks, you know. Better tell
the whole truth while you remembe
Another pull and Well have it out,
as the dentist says"
well, that is all l am she in
sisted
Down she goes, then. Beautiful,
sweet and g. Now your full name,
address, date Of birth, parents names
pace Of residence. street number, Al
erican or foreign extraction, occupa-
ton, size family, brothers or sisters,
how many, names, occupations, vegI
etarians, Christian Scientists or dead
Gratis, and any other information yo'
want to throw in on the side"
The mailon lady gasped. is t
alI?" she asked.
Mot on your yellow curls,' sa,,
the bland young man. Ever had thu
scab, hog-chOlera; poll evil, heayes|
CHAMBERS or distemper? Do you crib|
strike or-hold on there, l guess I've
got the wrong blank" he said. Got
mold of live stock blank by mistake
Now we start right again: however
had the measles, smallpox or other
contagious Diseases? Got any of 'em
now? Got any relatives in the peni-
tertiary? Ever get killed in rail
road accident? Any tendency to crime
Father alive, and If SO, what did he
die Of? Evei' use tobacco, snuff, rum
OF morphine? Got any birthmarks?
Homicidal instinct strongly developed
SIZE of shoes, hat, color, cuffs, glov-
es, sh-Excuse me, guess got hold
Of the gents laundry list there. Got
any answers to make?
You wretch, those questions are
not all down there!"
'Oh, aren't they, though" said the
GLAND young man. Don't you get fe-
verish now. Hang a monkey wrench
on your pulse and wait minute.
Here's another question box: Are you
black, white or colored? Teeth false
Or natural? Ever wear a wig? Do you
play the piano? Do you like young
onions? Are you single, married or
neither? Got any corns, buniOns, war
or freckles?'
you get out or III call the dog"
she screamed.
you sic the dog on the United
States census department and you'll
regret it," said the bland young man.
Besides you haven't answered half
the questions yet. You've got to skip
he rope for half an hour yet. DO you
heat the house with steam, furnace
hot water? Does the sun freckle your
lawn? DO you toe in? Ever wear a
glass eye? What kind of garden sass
do you like best? Ever plant pump
kin seeds wrong side up and have
them grow down into the ground?
Are you an expansionist, prohibitio
Gt or Bryanite? Did you contribute
to the Dewey home fund? What do
; GU think of Helen Gould?
hdeuoSo Vic Ccuouo uCP"i ehiShS
want to know all those things for?"
she inquired aghast.
Why to fill 179 volumes of sta
tistics, Of course. The census depart
ment Is great thing, ma'am, and
when the books come along in about
eleven years. with complete family
history of all the people in the I'm
tied States, with photographs of the
front yard and bushel of sun dried,
basket-fired information about the
carboniferous era anad the pale-ozioc
period, you will discover you made
mistake In refusing to shed. Lydia
J inkham and all the other first la
dies of the land will be there with
the whole family trees and impression
OF their palms and you will be on the
o"tside like the syrup OF hotel Jug