The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1910-11-17
Copyright 1910 by winchell Smith
and LOUIS Joseph Vance

"Well, here come the things you
mustn't do You mustn't swear or use
slang; you mustn't smoke and you
mustn't drink"-
Heavens. Are these people as inhu.
man as all thatT'
Worse than that. II might be IA.
tai II you were ever seen in the hotel
bar And. TO begin with you must
refuse all invitations of any sort,
whether to dances. parties. church So
ciables or even Sunday dinners"
why Sunday dinnersT'
s'Because Sundays the only day
you'll be invited Dinner on weekdays
is from IL to 1890. and It's strictly a
business matter, no time for guests.
But you needn't fret. They won't ask
you till they've sized you up pretty
carefully" ,s7p----sr----
"Ohw ----,i.-. tG5l p TTgTZ-vr1
Nccireover. yon must be very par!
ticular about your dress. 1t must be
absolutely faultless, but very quiet.
Clothing sober, dark grays and blacks
and plain, but the very last word as
TO cut and 6t. And everything must
be in keeping, the very best Of shirts,
collars, ties, hats, socks, shoes. under
year Kellogg caught Duncan's
look and laughed Your laundress
will report on everything, you know,
so you must be lmpeccable," ...--.--''1
, "I'll be even that whatever It is."
BE very particular about having
Your shoes polished, shave daily and
manicure yourself religlously. but don't
let 'en catch you at it."
"Would they raid me II they dld?"
"And then, my son, you must work"
Kellogg paused to let his lesson sink
In After time Duncan observed
plaintively. 81 knew there was a catch
in 1t somewhere. what kind OF work 2"
"It doesn't make any difference so
long as you get and hold some job in
the town"
"well, that let's me out You'll have
to sic some other poor devil on this
gllttering proposition Of yours.
couldn't hold job I'M
"wait! I'll tell you how to do 1t In
Just a minute"
"I don't mind listening, but
you'll cinch the whole business by
going to church without a break.
Don't ever fail-morning and evening,
every Sunday. Don't forget that"
"whyT"
"Its the most important thing Of
ALL"
Does going to church make such a
hit with the young female Jasper-the
Jasperette, as II were?'
"It'll make you more solid than any
thing else with her pepper and NOM
mer. and that's very necessary when
you're candidate for their ducats as
well as their daughter. You must
work and you must go to church"
THAT can't be all. Surely you can
think Of something else"
''Those are the cardinal rules
church and work until you've landed
your heiress. After that you can move
back TO civilization. Now, as soon as
you strike your town you want to
make arrangements for board and
lodging in some old woman's house,
preferably an old maid. You'll be sure
10 find at least half a dozen of 'em
willing TO take boarders. but you want
TO be equally sure to pick out the
one that talks the most, so that she'll
tell the neighbors all about you. Don't
worry about that. though. They all
talk. When you've moved In stock
up your room with about twenty OF
the driest looking books In the world.
Lawbooks look most imposing. Fix up
table with lots of stationery-pens
and pencils, red and black ink. and all
that sort OF thing. Make the room look
as II you were the most sincere stu
dent ever, And by no means neglect
TO have a well worn Bible prominently
in evidence. You can buy one second
hand at some bookstore before you
start out"
I'D have to. of course. thank you
for the fattery. Proceed with the pro
gram Of the gay, mad life must lead.
I'm going to have a swell time: that's
perfectly plain"
"As soon as you're shaken down in
your room make the rounds Of the
stores and ask for work Try to get
into the dry goods emporium II you
can The girls all shop there. But any
thing Will do. except a grocery or
hardware store and places like that.
You mustn't consider any employment
mat would soil your clothes or rough
en- your lily white hands"
"You expect me to believe I'd have
any chance Of winning a millionaire's
daughter II | were a ribbon clerk in a
dry goods storeT"
''The best In the world. The ribbon
clerk is her social equal. He calls her
Mary. and she calls him Joe."
"Done with you! Me for the ribbon
counter! Anything elseT"
'The storekeepers aren't apt to en-
ploy you at first They'll be suspicious