The Washington herald., 1910-07-06
CITATIONS FROM UNCLE sly.
BY DENNIS MAY.

here woman's sufferidge we hear so
much about?"
Il think it's all right" said Bud. III
woman is fit TO be the mother of fam
lly and own property guess she oughter
have say about how her family is gov
erned and how her property is taxed"
We'll, pom my word! Bud. what darned
fool notion is you goin' to take next?
Let woman vote? Why. it would Spite
politics for good. How could we ever run
this government? How could we lection
eer with the women? You can't give 'em
drink-least not outen a bottle-and
you can't give 'em a cigar, and you can't
cuss 'em nor bride 'em. l tell you. we
can't do nothin with 'em on election day
They'd make up their minds what they
wanted 10 do and you can't make a
woman do what she don't want TO DO
And look how often they changes their
own minds, though you can't change en-
If you could buy EN-, they wouldn't stay
bought.
But that amt the worst Of it. They'd
make us do what We didn't want to 90
Women play the deuce around the polls
Didn't you never see a local option lee
ton? Prayin' and singin and servin
sandwiches, How can a fellow vote his
sentiments with such things as them
a-goin' on at the votin' place? l tell you
| it's awful, Amt you seen an old boozer
who loves his grog Ike sailor go up to
the polls and vote agin whisky like tin
soldier because his wife made him do 1t?
We men won't have no freedom when
the women vote"
This was Buds inning.
If you didn't vote until your wife
made you, you would be disfranchised.
Yes but the other feIlers' wives would
make em vote agin me; and l get awful
lonely when I'm 10 the minority. No, SIR,
woman amt got no judgment bout
politics. Shed vote for the feller what
wore the best clothes. or had the sweet
est manners, or had q sick wife instead
/ of chap what had given the right Tip
and could be depended on to stand by
the gang. A woman's just natehelly dis
lruptionary. She'd bust the slate every
| time"
Pears 10 me they amt never thought
It worth while TO disruptionate you"
! Bud was proud OF his wife and six
daughters and never lost - chance TO twit
Uncle sy about his loveiess bacheloThood.
As a rule Uncle sy ignored these filings,
and Bud was firmly convinced that his
friend had been crossed in love in days
/ long gone. On the other hand, Uncle Sy
| considered that Bud was strictly ruled
/ by the women OF his household.
| Anyhow" he said. I'D rather be my
own man than be bossed around by
passed. OF women who thinks I'm an in
stitootion and they is a board o. direc-
1 tors I tell you. ! don't want no petit
coat government in mine. public nor pri-
vate. Our fathers fit for freedom. and
/ I'm agoin to hang to mine Ike dog to
bone"
And live dogs life." said Bud.
Now. Bud. you know you amt got no
more freedom than a monkey in a cage.
| Amt you fellers got enough o. women
rule at home? What you want to let EN-
run our politics for? Then we wouldn't
I have no freedom indoors nor out. And
where's this thing agoin' TO end. I want
TO know? When they vote they'll want
20 hold office. set on juries. and git on
the police force. Who'll tend to the house
/ and raise the babies?''
Il guess there won't be no house kept
| nor no babies raised-same as tits at your
house"
There you go. Bud. You amt got no
more logic than a mule or a woman. You
are all the time cussin' out my house.
yet you want 10 make every house in the
country like It. Now, l SAYS I amt got
no use for a woman. but those who likes
1 EN- oughter have EN- and keep EN- In
! their place can see how as they mought
! be useful round the house. but when
/ they goes TO messin' in things they don't
/ know nothin' about they amt funny any
/ longer-they's a nuisance. Suppose a lot
O. women made up a Jury, would they
ever agree amongst themselves? I guess
there wouldn't be nothin' but hung juries.
/ And nine times outen ten there wouldn't
no case be finished before one or two
juresses would have to be excused on ac-
count o. being nervous OF because the
baby at home was took with the Group
or measles. Then one o. 'em wouldn't
set on the jury If any other one has had
measles or whOopingcough In the family
for two years for fear o. takin' it home
to her own brats."
We'll. Use heered you put up some
mighty poor excuses for not servin' on a
( jury. and most Of EN- lies at that"
Uncle So thought it best TO dodge this
issue.
Now, you know we can't have no
juries mixed up O. men and women both.
The women would line up solid agin the
men every time, ike they always does.
And they'd die in their tracks before
they'd average up. or toss a penny, or
draw straws, Ike we men does. No, We
wouldn't have no more verdicts. Then
how'd they lock up this crazy-quilt jury
in murder cases? They'd have to have a
female ward in the courthouse. with
doctor and a trained nurse. 1t won't do"
why, Sy. when you hung that jury
| last month and kept eleven sensible men
away from their business for two days.
several of 'em says TO me, That old sly
Sewers is as stubborn as an old maid 3"
This shaft sank deep. but Uncle Sy
went on without wincing.
"And what kind of police force would
la raft o women make? They'd arrest
every boy they saw tyin' a can to a
dogs tail or heayin' bricks at cat. A
woman is too chicken-hearted towards a
brute and too onmerciful cruel towards
folks. Then they'd be brave when It's
foolhardy and git skeered at nothin'.
Wouldn't like TO see 'em arrest a Teller
who was drunk and disorderly! All a
burglar would need would be a paper
mouse on a string and he'd chase all the
she-cOps Outen town.
| 81 guess they'd run away from Won.