The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-02-16
Fe sRUARy Is, 1910
HUMORO Of THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES

The Absentminded Professor Was
Prolific Source of Merriment to the
testers Of Those Days-The Source
OF Many Modern Jokes.
new under the sun applies, 1t would
seem. more truly 10 jokes and With
ctsins than TO anything else. The chief
differences between the Jests OF one
generation and that OF another lie
mainly IN their form The kerucl Is
practically the same. Nevertheless 1t
is interesting to exhume some of these
ahcient jokes and to recognize In them
the ancestors of the things at which
we laugh today in the pages of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writer's dearly love
to make fun OF the absentminded. I'M
practical university professor, who
outside of his own subject lets his
wits wander aud IS very slow 10 grasp
anything In ordinary life. Such jokes
as these We're cracked centuries ago
by the students aud graduates OF the
great universities in ancient Greece,
for II is mistake TO suppose that
what we now call college life" WAS
unknown To the ancients
As Il matter of fact, the student Mt
the University Of Athens or at the
University of Alexandria was very
much the same SORT Of mortal as Is
the student today. and his professors
were not SO very different.
\ witty Greek named HieroclcS,
graduate Of Alexandria, collected some
time In the nth century volume of
tests which Mere current among tho
students with regard 10 the woolgath-
ering type 81 professor 4 number of
them are translated here MS being of
considerable interest in the history Of
humor and especially Of college hui.
NOR:
professor. wishing 10 swim, was
nearly drowned. whereupon he swo-e
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how To swim.
OF twin brothers. one died. pro-
fessor thereupon, meeting the sur
viyor asked, lis Il YOU that died or
your brother"
\ professor. learning that raven
would live for more than 200 years,
bought one To test the matter.
professor. wishing to cross river.
went on hoard the boat ON horseback.
When some ole asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get over
IN a hurry.
\ professor. looking out OF the win
dow Of Il house which he had bought.
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him.
professor. meeting another pro
fessor, said. Il heard you were dead"
And yet replied the other, you see
THAI | am still alive" "wen.n said
the first ia nerplexity. Il don't know
what to believe. for the man who told
me about Ii is much more truthful
man than YOU
professor, In danger of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that he
might make his will. Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate. he
said, DO not srieve. for am going to
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he had
trodden on IA nail and that the wound
panied him, On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor, having
learned the cause. remarked. at served
you right, for why do you sleep with
out sandals
professor, meeting Il doctor. hid
himself behind Il wall. Some one ask
ing the cause. he answered. Il have
not been sick for SO long time | am
ashamed to come into the sight OF a
physician.
A professor. wishing TO teach his
horse to be a small eater. gave him no
food at all. At length. the horse hav-
Ing starved to death, the professor ex.
claimed. Il have suffered great loss.
for just rs he had learned not 10 eat he
died."
professor, visiting a sick person,
inquired about his health The invalid,
however was not able to reply. There
upon the professor, being angry and
scolding the man. said Il hope that |
shall be sick some Of these days and
then when you eeme 10 ask how am
l will not answer"
A professor sealed up vessel Of
wine which he had bought. His serv-
ant having made hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn OF some of the
wine. the professor was astenished 10
see the contents diminished while the
seals remained unhroken. ueighhor
having told him TO look whether It had
not been takea out from below, he re
piled, why. you fool, its the upper
part OF the wine and not the lower
that is missing
professor, a bald man and bar
Der travelling together agreed TO keep
watch In turn four hours. each white
the others slept The BARRIERS turn
came first, He quietly shaved the
head Of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him
The latter. scratching his head rs he
got up and finding II bare. cried out :;
what rascal that barber Is, He's
walked the bald man instead of me- -
Exchange.