The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-02-11
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"All husbands are. Houston Post.
First Newporter-Was it an inform
al dinner? Second Newporter Very.
The flowers only cost $2,5OO.-Puck.
Since Mauds engagement how
bright and happy she looks" "Yes; i
match lights up girls ace."-Life.
Mrs. Cheatham-I believe l shall
have to give up bridge. Miss Frank
Really? Wasn't the game worth the
scandal ?-Puck.
Mature plans well for mankind's
needs Il should say SO. What could
be more convenient than ears to hook
spectacles over?"
Old Lady Tin a shoe shop) Have
you felt slippers? Small Boy Assist
ant (solemnly} Yes, ma'am; many q
time!-Comic Cuts.
"Was it your wife who called you up
this morning?" mo; that was aunt.
1t was my wife who called me down"
-Balumore American.
Solemn Man--Do you hear the clock
slowly ticking? Don't you know what
day 1t is ever bringing nearer? Cheer
full Man-Yes, payday.
Professor-I've come to see your col
lection of curios. Merchant-Pardon,
If introduce, first of all, my wife and
daughter -Megendorfer Blaetter.
Opportunity calls just as often as
in years gone by" "But with US, all
huddled up in flats, opportunity Is
liable to whistle up the wrong tube"
Minister-And the childs name,
madam? Mother (firmly)-Name him
Frederick Robert Cook Peary Smith.
I'm not going to take any chances
Puck.
Barber (to customer. whom he's cut
up)-Would you mind going out the
back way? So many people might see
you In the main street-Meggendorfer
| Blatter.
Suitor Con bended knee)-See, In
the, my love, your most humble and
devoted servant. Shelf this Is your
first place, I'll engage you for life
Lustige Blatter.
lS@ Arctic Explorer During our whole
1.-TWO years in the polar region VIZ
couldn't wash ourselves once. Enfan
lTerrible- Mamma, can't we NOV
there?--Lustige Welt.
i, "Will that young man ever 6
homer" demanded the frritated hea'
Eof the house. II guess SO, father" re
piled the mater familias. "He alway
has. Washington Herald.
II Professors Wife Ito cook)--My hus
band has received call to Heidelberg
Will you go with us? Cook--I fee
highly honored, madam. but | canno
accept the call.--Lustige Welt.
| Poet-W When finished that poem
was completely exhausted Editor
| can sympathize with you, old man
! was in the same condition when
finished reading it.-Philadelphia Rec
ord.
He Enormously -Er-er- Margaret
er-er-there;s something has been
trembling on my lips for the last two
months. She-Yes, so see. Why
don't you shave 1t off?-Princeton
Tiger.
"You women never keep posted on
current events" why, yes we do
i I've been reading all about the finding
Of the pole. But, John?" We'll
what?' "How did the pole happen tc
be lost st?'-Public Ledger.
"Say Casey, it's haired wurrker ye
are. HoS many hods Nv mortar heV
We carried UP that ladder to-day?'
Casey-Hush, man. I'm fooling the
boss. I've carried the same hod VI
and down all day, and he thinks In
wurkin."
i Senior Partner-Keep sharp eye
on Holdfast. I'm afraid he's roDDint
| the firm Junior Partner-Eh? Is h'
living extravagantly? Senior Partnel
We'll. I passed him in the street yes
terday. and he was smoking cigal
that didn't smell at all bad.-TitBits
II must warn you, dearest" he said
"that after we are married you vii
livery likely find me inclined to be ar
bitrary and dictatorial In my man
ner." "No matter" she replied, cheer
fully, Il won't pay the slightest at
tention to what you say."-Presbyte
rian Standard.
HAS that feller Pinkley returne'
home YETI" "Nope. He's been gon'
two years now, and nobody knows
blessed thing about him." well
dernedlif | shouldn't think you'd b.
afraid he'd come home some day ant
claim he found the South Pole
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
One of the wittiest Of Parisians, II
friends box at the opera, was listen
ing to .Thais," or rather trying to d
80. for his hostess talked incessantl
and deadened the music with her shril
voice. At the end Of the opera sh
invited him to the next subscribers
night. with pleasure" replied he
Il have never heard you In Faust!
Exchange.
How Is this?' asks the brutal hui
band, looking over his wife's accounts
Here's bill for $40 for two switcf