The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-05-13

| IN cantata! O. jump at the
chants. Louisville Courier-Journal.
Artist-Jt's a good thing to hunger
for fame. Model Yes, for If you don't
get the fame you're sure to get the
hunger!
Bill-Did you ever try my doctor?
Jdll-Oh, yes; don't you remember
when was sick for such long time?
-Yonkers Statesman.
Can you tell me how can keep a
maid? Madame, you are in the
wrong place. The embalmer's is next
door. Buffalo Express.
II can recommend this horse, sir"
said dealer, "as strong, sound ami
NAL" ut must be-" agreed the Gus
toner, TO have attained its present
age"
"Lottie, what would you do If you
work up some night and found burg
lar in your room?" "If he was hunt-
ing for money I'd get up and help hiM
nt."-Life.
Fatner-You are marrying my
daughter for love, you say? But she
get $4,000 marks dowry. Suitor-Well.
that can't be avoided, can it? File
gende Blatter.
'Impatience," said Uncle Eben, sis
ginerally de feelin' you has when you
wants somebody else to hurry an make
,,p fob Jo tive xyn,,,, hoo,, xr,a fi,,b, d
Washington Star.
Father-What! You want to marry
my daughter? Why, sir, you can't
suppoa her. can hardly do it my
self. suitor (blankly) -C-can't we
chip in together?
Gentleman (hiring valet)-Then I
understand you to have some knowl-
edge of barbening. You've cut hair, off
and on? Applicant Off sir, but never
on.-Boston Standard.
"He lives on the fat Of the land"
said man to a friend, indicating q
passer-by in the street. what busi-
ness is he in?" "Hes the proprietor
of an anti-fat remedy"
why, Henry! How does 1t happen
that you can't spell even the simplest
words?" Il can't spell 'em Ii they
amt in our spellin' book. can I?"--
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Here's remarkable gold coin
want to show you, old man." "Eh?
This is an ordinary half-eagle. What's
remarkable about it?" 1T belongs to
me. Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Hutton-We are organizing
piano club. Mr. Flatleigh. Will you
join us? With pleasure.
Mrs. Hutton. What pianist do you
propose to club first?-Tit-Bit
What's Smiths idea OF
himself? Bocker-He doesn't think
anybody else can do thing he can do.
and he doesn't think anybody else can
do thing he can't do.-Puck.
The father-Did mamma punish you
to-day, Tommie? The boy-Yes, sir.
what did she do?" MADE me stay
In the house while she was taking her
singing lessor" p Yonkers Statesman.
Wigwag What, roses! Don't you
know a girl never marries the fellow
who sends her flowers? Oldbach--
Sure I do. That's why always try
to keep on the safe side. Philadelphia
Record
Sufferer Doctor, don't you think
that a change to a warmer climate
would do me good? Specialist Good
gracious, mani That's just what
am trying to save you from!-New
fork Times.
Tommie was about to have .chil-
aren's party. Mother" he said
lhoughtfully. "it won't look well for
me to be .stuffing myself when those
other children are here. How will It
oe If eat my share before they Gomez"
so when Bella rejected Jack, he
ent Immediately and proposed to
aud?" "Yes; but that wasn't the
st Of It. What do you think? He
gave Maud an order on Bella for the
engagement ring" Boston Tran
script
did you ever have appendicitis"
said the insurance man. "Well,"
answered the skeptic, IT was operated
on. But I never felt sure whether II
was a case of appendicitis or case
Of professional curiosity.-Washing-
ton Star.
Some men are so queer" "And you
are going to tell me of one particularly
queer one" ''Yes. It's Mr.. Barberton.
His wife used to beg him for nickels
and dimes. and now he's cheerfully
paying her hundred a week for ALI
mony. Cleveland Plain Dealer.
II hope you will be interested In
yonder gentleman" said the hostess.
II have assigned him to take you out
to dinner" II shall be-" responded
the lady addressed. "That gentleman
was formerly my husband and he's be-
hind with his alimony. Washington
ID. CO. Herald.
Woggs-You seem to be very proud
of your youngest son. He must be a
very remarkable youth. Boggs-He is,
Judging from the papers. / think he
is the only 12-year-old boy In the coun-
try who hasn't invented perfect wire
less telegraph, submarine boat, on