davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25
II he "Bluffing and clustering Husband


When she shows up you pay her and fire
her. understand
Lillian came on time the next morning.
Her face vas battered. She was crying
when she came in. / smuggled her quiet
ly into the kitchen and asked her about
things.
1T was too bad really. 1t seems her
husband had beaten her for the first time
in their married life of fifteen years. her
husband is a truckman and hardwork-
Ing man. but he'd got overfiled with joy
ton and had come home and beaten her.
Then he'd paWned her best pair of shoes
80 two bits she told me plaintively, and
after that he'd been arrested, and he'd
probably be sent to Biackwell's Island be-
cause he had no money to pay his fine,
and of course he'd lose his job, and
when she reached this point Lillian
broke down quite violently, and / felt
very sorry for her.
But my husband heard her crying. He
called me.
Now, see here, what's all that thun-
dering noise going on out there in the
Kitchen he demanded of me when Went
to his room.
II told him all about it,
Huh! Grand little cock and bull yarn
isn't it, he grunted. OF course you be-
lieve all that junk they tell you Her
man hooked her shoes for quarter, hey
HIM. Who's got the ticket for those
shoesT
Lillian has it, replied. She showed
it to me-
well. it's pretty note he growled
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

savagely. He ought to he strung up by
the thumbs. Hub! Woodworking man,
is he? Well. / haven't a particle of use or
sympathy for people like that But I'm
not going to have any woman around my
house without any decent shoes to wear
Seon's breakfasts over you give her the
money to 60 get her shoes out Of hook.
Where's this internal loafer of a husband
Of hers new, hey?
Lillian says he'll be taken to court
this morning-she was just around at the
police station and saw him. replied
oh, he's pinched. is hep my biuffing
husband grewled. Well, I'm blamed glad
of 1t. He ought to get about ninety nine
years In prison, blast him! he mumbled
as he pulled on his shoes. Drives q truck.
does he? And he'll lose his Job, will he
Well, he ought to lose It.. What police
station is the black rufian in, anyhow
II told himswhat police station, as Lii
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

We'll, of course, told him as sooth-
inely as 1 could that Annie had not been
to blame: that, on the contrary, she had
been the victim Of extremely bad luck.
He only made hoarse noises in his throat
when I put 1t in that light. and rushed
out to attend his lodge meeting.
Annie called on me one afternoon
about six weeks later. The poor old crea-
ture locked very miserable and disheart-
ened. She didn't ask to have our wash
ing again. She only came to see me to
explain things. But gave her the wash
ing all the same.
When my husband got home that
evening I told him that Annie had been
to see me- but didn't mention anything
about having given her the washing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

in regard to the productive quality of
soil. one writer adds as a postscript:
"Please Postmaster Washington Direct
this letter Agricuital Beurow as / don't
knew the Address. / will B Greatly
Obliged to you. Inclesed you will find the
means for so doing. If you wish me to
l viii wright you A letter upon the work
ings of Natuers law"
The opening of one letter runs thus:
II read lately that your honor spends
quite a lot of money to ascertain about
easter lilies, they after all crafty the
vanity of few million people, benefit a
am fond of flowers, but detest easter
lilies Your spending SO much money and
energy on waste suggested to me an idea,
how the people of the United States that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

O'Hoolihan. the district leader-O' Hooli-
han not being his precise name. ;.
''GHsolihan told my husband to wait
station, and presently the district leader
called up my husband again. Then my
husband shot back into the kitchen, where
the dismal-loeking ice cream boy still
sat, dabbing away at his eyes.
Now, look a-here. YOU. my husband
brother of yours has been turned loose.
and he's on his way home now. Now
you beat it and get on the job again, un-
derstand? l won't have you fired for
fetching me mess OF Ice cream fifteen
or twenty hours late this time. but If
YOU ever pull anything like that on me
again and the rest Of 1t was some
what inarticulate.
but that's the way il is with my hus-
band. Whenever he gets caught red
handed in the act of doing something
real nice and kind ne always talks all
the louder, and with an additional SIM
ulation of wrath, in order to make out
that his position has been prfectly and
absolutely right from the beginning. and
that he hasn't receded fraction of an
inch from 1t; and the pathetic part of 1t
is that these poor, ridiculous creatures of
husbands never know how perfectly ri
dicuious they are, do they?'
"'They certainly do not agreed the
third woman Of the little box party.
last spring we lost q whole two weeks
washing because scarlet fever broke out
among the grandchildren of Annie. the
washerwoman we've had for more than
ten years. Annie's daughter, with the
children, lived with her. and when the
disease broke out the house was quar-
antined and my fne two weeks wash
was fumisated, OF course, and utterly
have taken 1t back anyhow. 1t was really
. dreadful calamity. too. for 1t just hap
pened that I'd put lot of my trousseau
things that I'd kept packed away-savlng
them for years-into theewash that very
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

liam had told 1t to me, and he huh'd and
mutfered whole lot more, and then he
came into the dining room and gulped his
breakfast without word and he started
FOR his Office about half an hour earlier
than usual.
About twenty minutes later he called
me up On the phone.
Nov. see here. he beloved at me
over tne phone. I've got that seoundrel
OF husband of Lilltan's out. and bought
MN drink and some breakfast and he 9
gone back to his job but l want you to
:als.nctiy understand one thing and that
tolerate any such business. Net much,
You tell Lillian that her mans out of iaii
ana on the job again, and at the same
.,Ine you give her fair and square warning
But he was so terrfcally in earnest
about the rest Of it that / couldn't make
out word that he said.
Dlu you ever near of such q perfectly
transparent buffer in all your born
MY dear. they're all like that mn. IN
!he woman In the box with the prema.
tuEely SiiVefing hair and the fresh yo,,n o
race. i think it is because they are lust
glazy over The sound of their own voices.
love me e anS way is to let them shout and bel
ana DO what you've been Intending to do
flsht along. They must let off steam,
you know. the poor blustery creatures.
sNoW. few Sundays ago the ice cream
didn't come in time for our SUNDAY din
ner The awful fuss my hushand u d,d
make about 1t. When the boy did bring
the Ice cream, about an hour after we'd
nnisned dinner, he rounded on the bow
something dreadful. Asked him what the
on his job that way. and threatened to
nave MIN fired and all that. and 6na,jv
the ice cream boy just broke down and
began to dash at his eyes with his cap.
-
BOSS, me brudder he gifts pinched las
night the boy mumbled through his
sobs an ] been spendin' most o. me
time all day tryin' t. spring him.
To spring him. my husband demand
ed of the lad. What the dickens dive
mean by springing him?'
IT git him out said the Ice cream
poy' stiii aashing away at his eyes with
his cap. I been t. see O'Hoolihan.' nam
ing the Tammany district leader. IAN,
OHoolihan he tossed me- He wouldn't
do ting t spring me brudder An me
brudder'll have t do his bit
on, ten that to Hogan. said my hus-
when he is aroused But then he heasn
to ask the Ice cream boy questions. and
presently he had the story. ~'@
1T appeared that the lads brother had
been in a night wit his gang the night
before and had been one Of the collareS
victims when the policemen made their
swoop. The brother was a kid wot aIl,,s
woiked, and his arrest would be "A knccEo
out on his mudder,' who hadn't yet been
told anything about it.
"'Weil, that's a fine bunch Of junk nv
husband growled at the boy. Here. Vol,
sit down here in the kitchen and ri and
out about this. II you've been trying to
string me I'll come pretty near dancing
you in way you won't like and then he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25
AD5R> htN EM3
LET w SEGQETQ

and asking for 1.-The best antfseptic that
could be used to keep the wine clear ana
not he injurious not to mention other
valuable hints along the same line. ends
his letter with the statement: II have
only few days before me for taking this
position and would not like to lose It,
am not working since last March and yeu
will do me a great favor If you will an
swer me as soon as possible"
In one letter the writer offered himself
for experimental purposes, after having
read about the experiment to be made
with tobacco users. He wrote Il would
used Tobacco for about ten years and
never found any i'll affects from it /
have used it Continually while training i
can run from one mile to twenty-five
with out Stopping. you could have me run
every day and note what affect Tobacco
would have on me / think would make
an interesting Subject
A letter received by DR.. Wiley from
q man several years age vetoed the senti-
ment of many others, in all likelihood.
The gentleman in question wrote 'te
know If you have any implement on
hand that will lead and guide and trace
and draw and to point to locate hiden
treasure like buried coin as gold and
silver their is such talk as being such ap.
causes HE 10 write you.
Could the division of chemistry, or any
other government bureau, furnish such
an implement as the gentleman managed
to explain, there is little doubt but that
the demand would more than eutrun the
supply. 1t is also probable, II the mat
ter is considered still further, that in
many places in this country the ground
would be in state of upheaval where the
implement had guided, lead. traced,
drawn and pointed"
The innlIry af another
evidently SO urgent that he could not
wait for the time taken up by the usual
mail system, as the following request was
sent in the form of a telegram
Can you mail me formula for solution
perfectly clear that would preserve
apaches in original color for four or five
months for exhibition"
The recipient was left somewhat in the
dark as to whether the gentleman was
in hurry for the formula on account Of
the nearness of the exhibition or on ac-
count of already having a specimen he
was DESTROYS of preserving: also whether
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

has SO far withstood any bad effects
which might have been expected.
What DR.. Wiley does not do is to issue
formulas for specific purposes. but one
sufferer from too much4fesh was evident
Iy under the impression that he did,
and sent in the following plea:
please. please tell me if there are any
physicians using your treatment for re-
ducing fat people 1 know if you had
fifty pounds of extra fat and life was
almost q burden to you. you would take
pity on poor woman and help her out. y
Another woman writes to ask where
I can get my sons blood tested for blood
poison. He is very i'll and the physician
cannot seem to diagnose his case
Some of the congressman. it would
seem, have small faith in the depart
ment. One, after advising a constituent
to send the department sample of GER
tain mineral went on to write that they
do not do 1t very willingly. but some
times they have done it at my request.
as that done by a professional chemist.
but it may answer your purpose, if he
consents to do it for you"
1.-The following appears in its entirety:
Il know the Giver of life, the nation
and state latter due process of law, doc
tors and dentists at their pleasure, sus-
pend the natural DEMONSTRATING function
of breathing: 1 also know that when
diseased surface is kept clean nature can
heal and restore it. What l do want to
know is whether in the pure food and
drug act Congress mentioned, restricted
or in any way limited the natural process
of breathing or Inhalation? Also. does
the act leave the subject of cleanliness,
baths, keeping the body. mouth and nose
clean to the individual, or does it require
that the soap, tooth washes, ETC., shall
show their specific elements upon the ar
ticles?"
In DR.. Wiley's mail are to be found
numberless advertisements. These are for
the most part the ordinary type. but once
in while there will creep in a note of
the ridiculous even in these. as was the
case of an advertisement for a certain
brand of soap, which claimed that 1T
may not please, but 1t will interest you
from the fact that it will not soil the
marble Washstand."
One man after informing the depart
ment that he Is going to take charge of
a large wholesale wine and liquor firm
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25


at a vaudeville
show / sat in a
box at a respectful
distance b e h ] n d
three ladies, OBJ
viously a trio OF
chums. who had
reached the box
ahead of me. Far
was it from me to
have eayesdropped;
but there was no
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

nossib,jty of my not overhearing their
conversation, such was our propinaulty
within the narrow confines of the box.
They were at it, over their caramel
munching. when | reached the box about
twenty minutes before curtain-rlse; but
even the dreaninGs, as 1t we're. OF their
conversation, as caught the various
points seem to me to be worth recording.
After having discussed the never-der-
mant servant problem. they veered about.
by natural system of progression to
discussion of husbands.
Il consider my husband" said the little
woman with the mCst agreeable voice OF
the three. 1.-The stormiest bluffer now liv-
ing on the surface " the globe. Really,
il is incredible what an amount OF noise
INV husband makes, what a lot of perfect
~ good breath he wastes, with his awful
bluffs.
Permit me TO illustrate. You know my
black maid. Lillian? I've had Lillian for
two years. She's splendid worker.
never had single fault to find with Lii
ian until one morning last week. when
size failed to appear.
You should have heard my husband
below when Lillian didn't appear, While
| was getting breakfast he burst into the
Sitchen.
Look a-here, where's that woman
ne demanded hoarsely; his hair was all
tousied up and he looked really danger
JUS.
Lillian do YOU mean? | said, knowing
perfectly we'll whom he meant. of course.
Why, Lillian hasn't come this morning
".Oh, she hasn't" he roared. Lillian
1asn't come, hey? Well. what the dick
Ems is the matter that she hasn't come?
~ haven't the slightest idea,' I replied
.rying TO be soothing. Maybe she is
sick
"'Oh, sick the deuce" he bawled. Don't
YOU dare stand there and tell me she Is
sick, | refuse to believe anything of the
sind She probably was kiting around at
me parlor social after another all night.
iancing her head off and hitting up the
gin and all like that-that's what she was
ioing.'
Lillian, / replied dignfledly. is a
settled woman. She doesn't dance and
;he doesn't drink. Please be reasonable
Now. look a-here, don't you dare 60
making excuses for that good-for-noth-
ng" my husband shouted. You let 'em
Ill walk over you. Well. they don't walk
over me. let NE tell YOU that! Not much!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

A letter hearing the date of 1891 is OF
interest despite its age The writer re-
ouests some sugar beet seeds and then
continues: ~ want TO experiment with
them and If they do any good here we
want tn get a sugar plant in this Demo-
cratic District and make it go Republt-
can
,ueer request is contained in the
falloutpe: ~ wish to know what 1t
wou,d cost me to have common black
ay ANALYSED with a view to ascertaining
the ACCESSIBILITY of extracting certain
nua,itv for the purpose of removing I'M
nure matter from sores in flesh. There
10 certainly some part of the fly that is
tho absorbent of what may be or is
termed impure matter.
DR. Wiley is even forced into the role
of adviser to would be chemists, as is
seen by the following letter
..WiIl YOU kindly tell me what book
would he the pest for me to commence
with so 7 would be able to analyze. / can
senarate things all right, but do not
know what they are composed or
think chemistry Is grand STUDY. anu
here on the farm i can find SO much 10
work on. All have is a Webster's Die
tionary to refer to.
1--WE has found the NEEDLE, writes one
man. 1--WE don't know what 1t is COM
nose. gold or Isenglass, or iron or brass.
INA we wants it antlilise and tell US
what 1t is
in the days mail. and while they thre~
a BIZ OF laus smnonplace daV. theS efS Also
add an extra amount of work for Uncle
sans servants In speaking Of them DR..
Wiley said:
Underneath all the humor in letters
= thirst for knnWl.
edge, no matter how ignorantly and
cr,Idely II may be expressed. And while
the humorous side Is the. one which
strikes US. the letters were most Likes
~ written sincerely and with a genuine
desire to secure what they thought Un-
Gle Sam could give them.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25
"LM PEE MM1BE
-ApCzAEQLOGEE- EADER
Ere AB01ZA5 NpM K43j

OF not the telegraph operator mistook
peaches for Apaches, as Is the opinion
Of DR.. Wiley.
One letter which found its way eventu-
ally to the division of chemistry had for
its address simply the words Govern
ment Bureau of Information. washington,
D. c." The letter had visited many de-
partments before it finally reached its
proper destination.
Another writer, after coniding to DIR.
Wiley his desire to mend an cid rocking
chair, went on to state that, having heard
that the Eskimos made glue out OF the
''seunds" OF air bladders of fishes, he at
tempted to do likewise.
-.
His attempt was ehrenicled as follows:
We'll, got me couple OF bladders-
chopped them up-put them in water and
1 boiled, and 1 boiled, and ] boiled all
that day and the only difference l could
see in them was that the mass had swell
ed and got bigger than at first. Nothing
disheartened 1 clapped steam on her the
next morning until finally I became dis
gusted and threw it out of doors. 1
had taken for granted that hot water
was q solvent for the stuff; but / was
badly mistaken; the poor ignorant Eski-
mo / found was one ahead Of me- l am
them. ] am not expecting to have any
particular use for the knowledge, but
still want to know. I am about that
pretty much like the old man was about
his boy who got drowned in a mill pond.
He said he cared nothing particular about
the boy, for he was not much account
any way, but he was really anxious to
know how the fool managed to drown
himself.
woman being DESTROYS of securing
CT ho
following terms, using post card:
1.-The time for singing birds has come,
also the time for planting seeds. l would
plant some il had any"
Yet another individual called upon the
government for ''shugar beets seed enuf
to Plant 1000 acars." Evidently the
gentleman had q great opinion of Uncle
SANS ability to supply the country at
large.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

one form of soda Borax is a devil.
Boracic acid worse" Then follows a
TRADE against the uses of borax in food.
In conclusion he writes: II am always
interested in Agriculture, but plenty of
people do not know a papal bull from a
hydraulic ram. / am sorry our country
is ruined SO by trusts, monepolists and
butchers and r. r. magnates. People will
begin to call things by their right names
soon.
THE MODERN JUDAS.
He made trust that his wealth might be great
He bound the railroads. would not arbitrate.
He stopt our coal supply; in him We see
The Judas Of the tweatieth eentury.'
This is followed by another poem en-
titled Address to Congress-" in which
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25
Tie Rae NK1RaWTESQ2Nz4zX
JFULNRD MS UE A7E4p Fm"


upon persons under your charge and d.
rectfon, and now it occurs to me that you
might wish some new boarders.' L am
fifty-two years old. good health. young
in appearance. being taken as perhaps
forty or SO. Have never INDUCED in to-
bacco or liquor" The letter further states
that the writer's present business having
failed he would be glad to look upon the
proposition as a new job.
With an underlying note Of distress rum
ming through it comes this plea:
will you kindly tell me what Is good
for finger nails constantly -bsea2Sing and
bending. Doctors tell me its DYSPEPSIA
but seem unable to do much. I am forty
seven, a wife and mother. medium height,
but weigh only ninety-eight pounds. so
not plump at all-which / would. OF
course, like to be-.
In somewhat the same strain is another
from a maiden of the south:
will you please be kind enough to
send me good receipt, one of the best,
the very best receipt of a Face Bleach
that you know of. My features are al
most perfect, but my complexion is far
from being SO. And sir, II you only
please, send me one of the best receipts
of a Face Bleach that you know of,
will ever be obliged TO you. And, sir, L
will never let the secret of the bleach be
known to anybody. And sir, i shall
never forget you, for the favor as long as
] live, and 1 shall always think of you
and your kindness"
After requesting price list of minerals,
a feminine writer ends her letter with
this grateful promise: Have my Grateful
Thanks and if you should ever run for
Office and the Ladies are Permitted to
vote We will help YOU"
One unique specimen letter asks the
price charged for making an analysis,
then continues: You see / could not trust
the Chemist in the state Becaus my land
is thirty miles to the East OF the Pun
mellon Bed and they want to Buy cheape
and make all themselves. So you emil
dren of Ole Uncle Sam is paved well for
your work and shurely you can Be Gem
rous to widows and Orpans."
After a rather prolonged account OF
some more samples one writer adds:
Friends you see l have taken you into
my confidence. The Capitalist would be
moved by the filling of His own Pocket
while you are moved by the trust the
Publick Has enjoined and probily by the
Trust that is imposed by Him who was
Rich and Became Poor that We through
his Poverty might be made Rich. Remem-
her Faith is the gift of God and not your
Mother.
You will please excuse any fault yoa
hnde and satisfy my curiosity frehd
Wiley by giving me the Day or the Month
yeu was Born on as have good Reason
for so Doing and you wait an see the re-
suit
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

Special Correspondence Of The Stsr.
NEW YORK, September "a. 1910.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-25

NE Of the many
duties which de-
volve upon the
heads Of the vari-
Gus government de-
D. ar I m e n I 8 in
Washington Is the
a n s W e ring Of
freak" let I e r s.
These come from
all over the coun-
try, and derive
their name not