Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-04-07
= -. kSHES
.5sasd@0 F0N

SOM How beautifully your daughtel
sits out her dances. s.-Life.
You used to be an awful spend
thrift" yep. But amt any long
er.' "Ahl Reformed?" "No--I spen
it all."-Cleveland Leader.
"Who was the greatest financier
ever known" Noah; because he
foated his stock when the whole world
was in liquidation. "-Tit-Bits.
II never dare to look down when
I'm standing on high place" sale
Mrs. Lapsling. "It always gives m,
an attack OF verdigris. Chicago
Tribune.
Miss Rogers-How did you imagine
anything so beautiful as the angel in
your picture? Artist-Got an engaged
man to describe his fiancee to me-
Brooklyn Life.
do you like my new hat?" asked
Mrs Brooke Eyes, indeed" replied
Mrs. Lynn. II had one just like 1t
when they were in style" e"-Lippin,
colts Magazine.
How did you enjoy the musicale? ??
"Oh, l applauded at the wrong time
as usual. Thought the orchestra tun-
ing up was classical number. Kan
sas City Journal.
Il want to look at some dresses suit
able for automobiling,' said the lady
Yes, ma'am," replied the polite clerk;
"these walking skirts are the thing.
-Yonkers Statesman.
Pedestrian-How far is 1t to Alder.
shot? Let me see. Well, as the crow
flies Footsore Tommy-Never
mind 'ow the beggar flies; ow far is it
as the beggar 'ops?-Punch.
Caller-How pleased you must be
to find that your new cook is stay
er Hostess-My dear, don't mention
it. She's a slayer, all right, but un-
fortunately she's not cook.-Boston
Transcript
Mr.. Figg-Gasser says he kept per-
lar got into the house. Mrs. Figg-So
his wife told me. She found him try
ing to hide in the refrigerator
ton Transcript.
do you ever find it desirable to
oppose your wife?" "Yes," answered
Mr. Meekton. II always feel less like
ly to annoy Henrietta If can avoid
being her partner in a bridge game. "
Washington Star.
Father" said Little Rollo, what is
happy medium?" Il suppose, my
son, that it Is one who can earn sew
eral hundred dollars day by making
tables and chairs move around the
room. Washington Star.
"Meg!" No answer. "Maggie!" he
called softly. Complete silence.
"Madge!" Not sound. Margaret"
Then he whistled softly before making
his final effort. "Marguerite!" And
a flute-like voice replied in the dis
tance-"Yes, darling!"
Physician-Have you any aches or
pains this morning? Patient-Yes,
doctor; it hurts me to breathe; in
fact, the only trouble now seems to be
with my breath. Physician-All right.
I'll give you something that will soon
stop that.-Boston Globe.
"Yes," admitted the modest young
man. Il have broken off the engage
ment. l have been thinking it over
for long time, and I've come to the
conclusion that girl who can love
an idiot like me must be wanting in
both taste and intelligence"
Father-in-Law-I suppose you are
aware, Henry, that the check for $10,-
900 put among your wedding pres
ents was merely for effect. Groom
Oh, yes, sir! and the effect was excel
lent. The bank cashed it this morning
without a question.-Boston Tran
script.
Irate Woman-These photographs
of myself and husband are not at all
satisfactory, and l refuse to accept
them. Why, my husband looks like a
baboon! Photographer-We that's
no fault of mine, madam. You should
have thought OF that before you had
him taken.
Il have a good position to offer a
worthy college graduate. l presume
you have some fine young man in your
senior classY Sure" said the pro
fessor. What are your requirements?
Would a football player suit you, or
do you prefer mandolin expert?"-
Washington Herald.
Proud Autumn" Father-Bless me,
it's really marvellous about that baby
of mine. You'll hardly credit it, but
every time it looks up into my face it
smiles-positively smiles The Fed
up" Friend-Well. l suppose even
baby has some glimmering sense Of
humor.@The Sketch.
Johnny" said the boys mother, al
hope you have been a nice, quiet boy
at school this afternoon" That's
what l was" answered Johnny. 81
went to sleep right after dinner, and
the teacher said she'd whip any boy
in the room who walked me up
Boston Sunday Post
WELL" said a traveller in the train
one evening, speaking of long lives,
my dear aunt died at the age of one
hundred and six" That's nothing"
said a drummer. Il had a grand.
r.otber who died at two hundred and