The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1910-07-21
PeeIing Other
Peoples Onions
Weep Not When You Do 1t is Pro-
fessor Webb's Advice in
Monologue.

VlOu1ObOSOOs
Brethren-I take my text from
The Fra Weep not peeling other
peoples onions Did you ever peel
an onion, Brethren, and have your
olfactory nerves titilated by it's pun
gent aroma until the tears gathered
in the lachrymose ducts? OF course,
you have. Onions are very health
ful-but / prefer to let others peel
them-and so do you, no doubt.
The great beauty of this marvellous
text cannot be comprehended in it's
pristine glory all at one grasp. In
the first place, | direct your atten-
ton to the first two words of my text
weep not" What good advice!
Weep not" but if you must weep
weep not peeling other peoples
onions!' tits a grand, glorious truism
"a most marvellous maxim, an axiom
as sound and as solid as the Pyramids
of ancient Egypt.
When fellow asks you to endorse
his note as mere matter Q f accom-
mediation h is peeling another
persons onion; weep not when you
receive the little protest notice in the
mail.
If some guy invites you into
little social game of poker just to
make, up party" look out for the
onion. And weep not, oh, my breth-
ren, when your stack Of chips is gone
and you are all in, including your
watch and chain, diamond collar but
ton and ring. You have simply been
rung in to peel other peoples on
IONS" And all you get is the smell.
And then again, my dear brethren,
beware of the Greeks bearing gifts. :"
1t BODIES no good. After h are
through distributing the gifts there
will be some onions to peel and there
will also be some weeping
probably some wailing and gnashing
of teeth. Therefore, l repeat here,
at this time, the famous aphorism of
Mr.. Elbert Hubbard: wv eep not
peeling other peoples onions" |
repeat it, lest We forget.
Did you ever have fellow invite
you to call on his girl for the pur-
pose of boosting his game along, tell
ing what a good fellow he is and all
that-and after the chap had married
the girl-have them both turn on you
in after years and bl anne you fol
urging them to get spliced when you
knew according to their version
they were not suited to each other
and could have done better if you
had not turned booster and onion
peeler? Have you ever peeled that
kind of an onion? Well, children
don't do it again and remember the
text: Weep not peeling other peo.
ple's onions Let it burn isself in.
to your bones.
! And the political onion! Have
you ever peeled one? My brethren
have you ever been importuned te
aid, help and assist elect friends te
Office, who promised you the eartl
to get your support whoinduced yor
to neglect your business and youl
family to get them a fat office? O.
course, you have. Not only that
you have spent your money like {
, drunken sailor and hustled around
, like madman peeling the onions
for your frlend-and after he wa
: elected what did you get? An of
t flee? Oh, no! A few W ep s from
your wife and the frozen fin from
your famous friend. Of course
you peeled the wrong onion. Oh
My dearly beloved brethren, such i
8 the way of the wicked world. Their
: fare always plenty of onions to b.
peeled-but my advice to you is t
| peel your own onions and let othe
e people do the same. Do your owl
1 weeping weep you must-and lie
others weep by themselves.