davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
Justice to Accused Naval officer.

The ways OF naval administration, es-
pecially in the matter Of discipline and
efficiency of the personnel. are some
times past finding out. An example Of
the mysteries attending this function Of
the Navy Department is furnished by
the present decision not to try by court
martial the commanding officer and the
engineer officer Of the L. S. S. Mari
eta A board Of inspection reported
to the Navy Department that that gun
boat was in a bad condition, with EVIL
dences Of gross neglect on the part Of
the officer in command and the officer
who had charge OF the machinery. The
contents Of the report were such. evil
IDENTIFY. as to require no further invest-
cation. and the usual court Of inquiry
was omitted in a short cut, with striking
directness of purpose. to a court-mar-
tial, which was 20 meet at the Ports
mouth N. H Navy Yard on Tuesday of
this week, Before the court met. the
Navy Department reconsidered it's action
and decided that the case against these
two officers should be indefinitely post
poned which, we take it, amounts to an
abandonment Of the purpose Of further
action.
II would seem, I'm a case Of this kind,
that Commander F. X Hin, who IS in
command OF the Marietta, has a right to
the investigation which is now deferred.
He has had the disadvantage Of the pub
licity attaching TO an announcement OF 4
departmental purpose 20 try him. Infor-
nation has been vouchsafed Of the oc-
casion for such action. and an officer who
is confronted with charges so seriously
rejecting upon his reputation as a naval
officer, and destined TO prove detrimental
10 his career, has a right 10 insist that
opportunity to prove his innocence. Nc
one who knows the Secretary Of tho
/ Navy will FOR a moment suspect that he
has directed the indefinite postponement
Of the trial because any such proceeding
IS either necessary for Commander HIS
| security or just 10 an officer confrontet
with official charges. II it has been dis
| covered that Commander Hin has beer
unjustly accused. then something shoulC
| be done with the reckless persons who
make against naval officers charge!
which are not warranted.
That constitutes another very gooC
! reason why Commander Hill should insis
/ upon his trial by c0urt-martial
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
Laugh and Grow Fat.

Solomon, accounted the wisest man who
ever lived. said: a merry heart doeth
good like a medicine" He knew that
happiness came from within. not without
he believed In the mirth cure. He knew
that troubles are borrowed, for he said so.
He was enough OF doctor TO know that
laughter expands the lungs. that It aids
digestion. AID that It stimulates the entire
system.
The story Of the king who was suffering
from melanchoIia. and who was told that
II he were 10 sleep IN a happy mans
shirt he would be cured, illustrates this
point. After a long search a beggar an
nounoed he was happy, Immediately he
was asked for his shirt, only to reply
that he had none When the king was
told that the only happy man TO be found
was so poor he had no shirt, the humor
Of the situation overcame him, and he at
once recovered from his melanchona.
II you never trouble trouble till trouble
troubles you" the chances are you Will
live a life OF peace and quiet
II YOU can repeat the following story
without bringing a look Of clvg1st 10 the
face OF the hearer. you can put It down
that he IS not pessimist:
Mail a square piece OF water against
the side OF a house. and when the water
| has dried up. move the house away. and
what remains IS a mife."
No further enlightenment IS needed
Persons OF a dyspeptic nature will not
listen a second time.
The man who takes his worries to BED
with him has the worst bedfeliow in tho
world
There are a good many -ure-alls. Opt.
mism IS the cheapest and the best. Il
reaches further and costs less than any
other. Better lay in a supply while yet
you may. There is a time for every,
thing. and the acquiring OF a Cheerful
disposition Is a good way 20 spend the
time not devoted to other duties.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
EVERY SATURDAY
Our Motto: Ifyou see it in The Big
Sud-. it ism I necessarily So
MAYOR BOB

The Big Stick learns. with much
genuine pleasure. that one q the
bright young men in the adycrtis-
ing department Of It's esteemed con-
Temporary. The Washington Herald,
has been nominated for the honor
able position Of mayOr OF Mount
Rainier, Nd y
We refer TO the handsome, genial,
,.4ciny persuasive. and accom-
plished Robert F. Joyce.
Mr.. Joyce. or Bob. as. he is
Familiarity known around and about
this end OF creation. IS emIucntiy
fitted for the mayoralty Of Mount
Rainier. Under his guiding hand
this metropolis Is surely fated TO
double It's population eventually.
All the patriotic Mount RainiCrites
VIII have 10 do will be 20 give
Bob" time. andethings viii hump.
They Just naturally viii have 20.
We understand that real estate has
advanced several cents per acre al
ready. now that the Joyous news
has leaked out. II a second term
boom is started al once for Bob. q"
IL is believed that an additional ad-
vance q several cents per acre Will
be forthcoming.
The report that Mr.. Joyce had tC
be lassoed and thrown before he
would consent TO he nominated for
mayor q Mount Rainier IS a Canard
tha might fittingly be described by
a Shorter and uglier word. as Mr..
Roosevelt would say The truth Of
the matter is. the population q
Mount Rainier arose practically as
one man-as seven or eight men. 20
be absolutely accurate-and demand
cd q Mr.. Joyce that he show his
patriotism and get on the job.
which Mr.. JOYCE mOdcstly but
cheerfully agreed to do. The U-
known and lonesome individual who
gave circulation 10 the anti-JOyce
story above noted is believed 10 be
a combined Populist and anarchist,
anyway
Coed luck TO Mayor Joyce, say we
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
The Duke of Virginia

So it seems that old King George III
was once advised to tender Washington a
dukedom. along with sufficient funds TO
support the dignity, on condition that the
general sue for peace with England on
terms equitable and Just, but not invoIv-
ing separation from the mother country.
His majesty, so far as the record shows.
failed 10 see the point and the prefer
was not made. This may have been
through sheer obstinacy-the King was
VIGOROUSLY stubborn-or it may have
been because he was not nearly so crazy
as he was cracked up to be. Anyway.
It Is not certain Washington ever knew
that any man. however humble. had him
in mind as the Duke Of Virginia. or some
thing equally as good
What If ethe title had been offered?
Washington was an aristocrat by nature.
however we may love to think Of him as
Of the plain people exceedingly plain. He
believed I'm ceremony and form. and he
had his full share Of family pride. II is
not at all probable that he would have
deprived La Fayette of his title. for in
stance. had he been able Doubtless he
thought It became the marquis and was
properly and righteousiy attached to him
But Washington never would haze been
even remotely tempted by the offer OF an
English dukedom. IN the circumstances
necessarily indicated by the tender. He
would have scOrned il. not as an idle
thing within itself so much as. perhaps
an idle thing as applied to his case. A
dukedom? Why, Washington might hav,
been a king! He might have created
mere dukes with scratch of his pen.
But he was destined for higher things
He was to be the Father Of his Country
the greatest republic the world ever knew
and fashioned TO endure forever. What
was being a duke-or even the founder
Of royal house-compared to that?
All Of this is assuming, moreover. that
the suggestion had been made to Wash.
ington in a frank and worthy manner-lr
an effort to promote a peace credtablc
TO all parties concerned. and as part and
parcel Of an honorable recognition OF
Washington's influence in bringing It &c
a conclusion. OF course. the tender Of g
dukedom as a mere bride to Washington
would have produced no problem callinl
for more than mere superficial consid.
Grafton.
No matter how sincere the motives o.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
The Battle of CuIloden-April Is.

The battle of Culloden was the last that
was fought on the soil Of Great Britain
While George II Of England was engaged
In the war OF the Austrian succession"
Charles Edward. who was called the
Young Pretender" a grandson OF King
James II Of England, landed in Scotland
and made two attempts 20 obtain the
throne Of his ancestors. He was victori-
Gus in the battle OF Falkirk. but the Duke
Of Cumberland, son of George II. having
been recalled, from the continent 10 take
command of the Kings forces. the Pre-
tender was entirely defeated at Culloden
Moor. a plain in Scotland. four miles
from Inverness. This battle was fought
on April IS. 1916. and it was also the last
attempt on the part Of the Stuart family
20 recover the throne Of Great Britain.
Charles Edward Stuart escaped 10
France after he had wandered for five
months in the Highlands, pursued by his
enemies. lie died in Rome on January
30, 17Ss
! The Duke Of Cumberland gave no quar-
ter. The wounded were all slain. and the
jails Of England were filed with prison
ers. many Of whom were executed. Among
the latter number were Lords Balmerino,
Kilmarnock, and Lovet. Lovet being the
/ last person who was beheaded in Eng
| land. A monumental cairn marks the
spot where the battle was fiercest and
where many OF the slain lie buried AT
! Culloden House. a mile 20 the north, the
family seat Of Duncan NJ Forbes. the
valuable historical collection Of "Cullo-
\ den Papers covering the years 1625-174S
was discovered in 1Sl2 They were pub
lished in London in 1915
While the Young Pretender was being
hunted from Mace 10 Mace by the Ham
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
PERSONAL MENTION.

John Gross dropped in at the
Treasury Department Thursday.
George W. White contemplates an
early trip 20 the seashcre.
Capt. James r. oyster stands I'd
for the people every time.
Gen. Charles H. Grosvenor. al
fectonately called odd Figures. is
in our midst.
Archie Butt and Tom Moves met
at the ball park opening day.
Arthur Marks no longer signs for
an evening newspaper field TO CON
Quer.
Arthur Dunn IS doing the SIf-
fragists convention for the woman's
Daily. Choice assignment.
Dave Barry has caught the cleo
the fever and now sports a natty
runaoout
John Nolan is slowly making the
acquaintance Of his automobile.
Louis Garthe was a recent visitor
TO Baltimore.
Phil. Nachman, the cnterprising
East Washington merchant. says he
loves his wife; but, oh. you. Grotto.
Pete Lattener and ]. r. Nyman
are rehearsing the latest upto-date
songs for the "Kill-a-police.
f. A. Hermann, as we'll as
Achilles Burklin. is preparing a new
lot o. hot stunts for the 9th Of
this month.
George Harries has new auto
mobile. and he has already become
so expert in its manipulation that
he can nun It around a corner on
two wheels.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
ON THE UNLIMITED.

II was the Queercst Journey that I
ever took. I swear;
No other s--Fle journey with this
journey could compare.
When the train arrived az PUNK
vile and the news the brake
man broke.
He called 10 plainly "Plunkville.
Please change cares for Shady
oak!'
And the boy who sold bananas had
a gentle voice. and sweet;
His face was clean and winning and
his clothing was quite neat.
The fruit / purchased Of him, he
declared was o. the best;
And IL was az he proclaimed u, 80
ate It with a rest.
The window az my elbow wasn't
stubborn. not a bit.
And when I cssayed 20 raise St, that
was al there was 70 Il.
And the lady iust behind me had
some children-six or three.
And every blessed kidlet wes as
good as It could bel
II was the queerest journey that
ever took. swear:
No other single journey with this
journey could compare.
The cars were far from snlffy: also
new. and free from CRIME.
And I finished up this journey
would you believe ity-right on
time, ID. ]. CALLAHAN.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
Money in Poetry.

From the New York sun
Poets as q rule are not good business
men, but an exception is one OF a little
group OF young writer's and artists who
dine every evening together and talk shop
The poet very often reads the verses ne
has composed. and sometimes the com
ments are not exactly fattering. That's
rottenr' exclaimed an artist on hearing
one Of these illusions recently.
'I'll bet you s. I can sell it 10 a maya
zine" replied the poet
The wager was made and the artist
lost. Since then the poet has made sew
eral similar bets with his scofing friends
and has won them all He was chuckIins
over It 10 an outsider the other day. ''You
must have wonderful confidence in the
merit OF your work said the rank out
slider.
Confidence nothing" laughed the poet
/ Il couldn't lose. never read a poem 10
those fellows until have first sold IT,.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
Dead Letters.

There IS room for general congratula-
ton in the fact that the efforts OF the
Post-offce Department have effected a
considerable decrease in the amount Of
matter being consigned 10 its dead letter
division as compared with the records Of
former years StiIl. there is. indeed,
room for betterment along this line. for
the dead letter division received In I'M
claimed letters S59.J7S in cash during the
last year. and no less than two million
dollars in drafts. checks, and money or
ders incapable or delivery on account OF
insuffciently addressed envelopes. Some
thing ike eight millions Of postcards
were destroyed without record and IL
staggers our imagination 20 think OF the
proportions our daily mail might have
reached were all our friends scrupulously
particular in sending their greetings.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
PEOPLE AND THINGS.
CeIIuioid watch Crystals.


Celluloid watch crystals have appeared
In the Maiden lane district. IN New York
City, and are being sold with the guaran-
tee that they will not break as easily as
the ordinary crystal made OF glass, says
the New York Herald. Several objections
to the innovation are urged. Dealers say
that IN She thin watches the lids are elias
tic TO some extent and II the crystals
may also be bent. as is the case when eel
lUloid IS used. then there is likely TO be
Interference with the hands OF the time
piece Another objection IS that celluloid
contains traces Of acid which is likely
70 rust steel parts OF the watch. A third
objection Is that ceuuloid is infammable.
The new crystals cost a little more than
glass
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16

Although the Vice President is to
have an automobile the Speaker is not,
simply because the Insurgents don't like
him. and they took that method Of let
ting him know they don't" notes the
Savannah News. If that simply was
their reason for refusing the Speakers
automobile, the insurgents are mighty
small caliber statesmen.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16


As through space We are whirled
In this swift moving world.
We are apt 20 get rather unsteady.
On oGr terrestrial ride
We feel need Of a guide.
I'm right on the job, declares
Teddy.
The connubial state
Has got in bad" Of late:
Fer extinction We seem TO be
ready.
Who cries. Sell your motors!
Produce future votersr'
Our own patriotic friend Teddy.
Halley'S comet draws near.
We all feel somewhat queer
Have need q assurance already.
Folks. don't be alarmed,
Wei get by unframed"
Cries our undSunted protector,
Teddy.
IL this worldwide confusion
There's but one sane conclusion
guess that you know il already
The guide for this planet
Is he who once ran IL
Our almost omnipOteut Teddy.
r. COBB.
Read the Bingville Bugle tomorrow.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
just Got His Bill.

From the Chicago Evening Post
Hello. Is this the gas company"
Yes. sir"
We'll, say, Did you read in the papers
that the tail Of Halley's comet is com
posed Of gas?'
Yes. but what has that"
And did you notice that it was meas
ured as being 100000 miles long?"
Yes sir. but what"
Nothing. I just wanted TO say that II
the astronomers measured it with this
meter in my house it would be 4OOOO,OoQ
miles long"
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
TWO CENTS
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

George Winters. he q the ups
and downs" IS arranging an eI-
tended tour 20 New York and Ho-
bckeu during MAY.
Assistant chief Lynn, Of the Cap
itcl Building. has been presented
with a handsome mahogany cane.
h4en Lynn Is struttiug around the
building he doesn't even notice Big
Chief Elliott Woods.
Human PhCnCgraUh' Cooke has
not been saying much lately. some
n the ROYAL A. machinery has
slipped a cog and the wheels are
running with a Jerk.
Hon. Ed SNYDER Is not salts
fed % rn the International League
Ct Republican Clubs. He went 70
the great Jefferson Democratic din
uer and acted as master Of cere-
monies.
Charlie Henderson heatates 70
speak % his old friends since he
held Up two Of the Secret Service
men who accompanied President
Taft on a recent visit 10 East
Washington.
Ia. Halsey IS obliged 20 spend 50
much time entertaining lady visitors
az the Capitol that Col. Dan Ears-
dell frequently acts as assistant
superintendent Of the Senate press
gallery.
Johnny $. Shriver has grown the
third ufUstache this season. People
who know him will not believe he
shaves IL of. One week Will do
the business every time.
John W. Yerkcs says there Is a
boom on out in the country where
he Is. Mr.. Yerkes lives az Chevy
Chase. He need say no more,
Jack Messenger. Dick Bright. and
Judge Hough win make the trip
from Baltimore 10 Washington by
the 5 O'Clock boat. A dolce
farniente time. whatever that Is.
VIII be had. Boys viii be BOYS.
TIC halcyon days of youth come
/ but once.
The Gridiron Club IS talking q
a ladies tYip 20 Great Falls
/ Messrs. Garthe and Fearn should be
applied 70 for rates. A steam yacht
is TO be chartered
William Loeb. IT.. Tuesdayed in
! town. William wears hat crushed
down and very swagger. Come often.
I Bill; always glad 70 see you.
John Monk. who was Dick Oula-
hans right bower. continues 20 be
johnny on the spot. He told
the world that Uncle Joe" Cannon
would have his bluff called before
| Congress adjourned.
Your Uncle joe continues %
hurl defiance al the insurgents. He
dares them 10 Join with the Demo
Gratis and Gust him from the Speak
| ers chair.
Ernest g. Walker cuts quite a
dash in his new electric machine.
As a dasher, Erny has them all beat
10 a frazzle
They have a conductor on the
CAPITAL Traction line that is a
majority stakeholder At least he
thinks he Is. Passengers who es-
cape his direction are'3ucky.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
An Accurnte nescription.

From the Louisville Herald.
Editor Ito reporter)-What do you mean
by writing. Among the prettiest girls at
a dance was Capt Smith?" The captain
is a man
Reporter-Yes; but he spent most Of his
time among the prettiest girls there.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
EXPLAINED.

II beat my wife" the stranger said,
with boastful micn and proud.
But he was hit upon the head
And tEmplcd by tho crowd
Il beat my wife" again he cried;
They seized MIN by the neck.
And % the city court they hied-
Such wicsedncss % check
What's this. what's this;" his honor soDvicd.
With vissge harsh and grim.
Il beat nv wife 30 the stranger gToWled.
Though hundreds gared At him.
I beat my Wife, he said onns more.
What boasrug q your crime!'
The court rct0rted with a roar.
Ten years viii be yo1r tme.'
Il beat my wife" the stranger hissed;
The warden heard him well:
He rut four handouts On each wrist
And chained him IN the cell
Il beat my wife, Let ne explain
The stranger said A. last
When he was free from Jail again,
HIS tenyear seutence. passed,
Il heat nv wife, I viii confess
Why should ! he % ycG7--
I heat my wife az playing chess
And beat her badly. too.
-Berton Bpaley. IN Puck
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
A NEW MAKE.

c. ?. Glenn has accepted the
agency Of new make Of auto
mobile. called the Hussy. He has
disposed Of only one as yet. and
that was TO himself. II he can
break it q the habit Of getting
stalled at 2 a. m. perhaps he will
sell a great many.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
SATURDAY. APRIL 16. 1910.
Practical Plan for Auditorium.

There Is a practical plan at last 10 Sc
cure the great auditorium which Wash
ington long has wanted and needed.
This comes through the George Wash
ington Memorial Association. whose
president. Mrs Mary F. Dlmmocll. OF New
York. has enlisted the interest OF the
country in a movement TO build and en-
dow a memorial here TO the first Presi-
dent The nucleus Of fund already has
been raised. Scientific and other bodies
that would find in the proposed building
permanent headquarters are pledging lib
eral sums. and the school children Of the
land are periodically contributing their
dimes and proudly wearing the button
that signifies their interest and CO.
operation.
Mrs. Dimmock says confidently that the
memorial will be built She Is familiar
with the sentiment OF the country. feels
assured that all the States viii do their
part. and. therefore entertains no mis-
givings as 10 the outcome. How soon the
idea will be realized and the entire plan
consummated depends altogether upon the
activity Of those who are determined that
the project shall succeed.
II Washing on, the City Of Washington.
will promptly raise. or pledge itself 70
raise. its proportionate share-a few hun
dred thousand dolIars-Mrs. Dimmock Is
sure that an auditorium can be provided
that will meet the demands Of the inau-
guration in 1913 DR.. Charles D. Walcott.
Mr.. Charles J. Bell. treasurer OF the as
ISOLATION. and others who have cooper
ated with Mrs Dimmock from the incep-
ton OF the project, share fully her opti.
mism and belief in the practicablIIty
Of the plan
A local organization has been effected
with Mr.. W. V. Cox at It's head, and the
raising Of subscriptions in washington
will proceed at once. Surely the public
spirited citizens who, after the last inau.
guration took up the auditorium project
so enthusiastically and subscribed 50
literally will not withhold the same gen.
erous support from the more feasible plar
now presented.
II is worthy Of Washington's best ant
most successful effort. Besides the co
operation Of citizens generally. It SHOULD
have the earnest support Of our civil,
and trade organizations, the Board o.
Trade and Chamber OF Commerce They
should be behind the movement solidly
The time to push this auditorium prof
est is now Let ii be pushed vigorously.
Being member Of Congress Is no
what ii was says the Wall Street Jour
,or Co++fvc. 4,ro,..l g. r,---
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
WE HEAR


That Lucien Ruby. the ever ready
Union station dispatcher, is an ex-
pert in Esperanto.
That II. Ncshitt and J. O'Brien
are clamoring for reduced rates IN
upper bsrthS
That MAJ. stofer and WRttersou
S-ealey are enthusiastic Baseball
patrons.
That Acting p. VI. Merritt SAYS
William EUr- is one Of the most
versatile clerks in the L. o. ID.
That Sherry Hopkins and Jack
Seybert have renewed friendly rela-
tons.
That Joshua NewshaW and Miles
Suter arc ahead Of the also ran"
in the contest for the most popular
+. r. x. and Pullman conductor
That DR.. Leslie and DR.. RUFUS are
training for the gof tournament at
the Columbia Country Club.
That J. Fay and g. G. Randolph
win enter the coming contest q the
Fat Mems Club. with Judge Hun,
in the running race around the
White Lot.
That 7. Pence and J. Monk are
willing to wager a days pay that
the Washingtons viii win the cham
pionship pennant.
That President G.. Noack and
Secretary q. Williamson will not
resign their Offices. rlmors 20 the
contrary notwithstanding.
That John Hartnett. the expert on
liquid refreshments. is a vehement
opponent Of the wicked men who
practice reflhug.
That Beale Howard is qualifying
20 enter the Jimmy Barbour class.
That ]. Gales Moore has a breezy
manner, but is as gentle a man as
ever cut a throat or scuttled a ship.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
INDEED. so.

"Oh. where are you going. my pretty
maidy"
ITS none Of your business. sir. +"
she said.
Before I'd have a girl who talked
like that.
I'd marry her aunt, who is plain
and fat.
JOHN S. SHRIVER.
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16

the King may have been. had he es-
sayed to reach Washington with a duke
dom, however, the interesting and appeal
ing thing is that he must have failed!
The Washington herald., 1910-04-16
All Nof Lost

Woe is me-
"Oh. cheer up"
But she has refused me. have moth
ing left 10 live for"
Yes. you have You have an auto
mobile"