Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1910-10-01
A THEORY OF TAILS.
Monkeys at tho Zoo and the missins
Watch.

W6tCn.
TIME ZOO was suffocaling in the rays
of the afternoon sun. l paused
for o moment 10 watch a monkey
with n pathetic face absentmindediy,
almost sadly. clutch the tail OF Sleep
ing relative above. The sleeping rela-
tive awoke on the floor very laxative
and thrilled. but the originator or the
pleasantly was out Of reach and with
the face of one Oh the verge of tears
"Wot a pity they ave tails" said a
voice beside me. He was little
scrubby man, with a soiied collar, n
straw hat and faded frock coat.
paid no attention.
He looked about him rapidly. then
came closer and In a hoarse whisper
said:
II say. guv'nor. d'you know wot
calls It? Why. It's tragedy"
"Ah." returned vaguely.
"Yus, q tragedy, becorse why? We
ave no tails nor our parents neither.
Amt that 500"
/ endeavored TO convey that / was
prepared to swear that my father.
once X. c.. had never within my
knowledge mentioned the fact In my
hearing.
He assumed the attitude Of a modest
man caught In the right. There y
are" he said.
There was a pause. A series ofs
sbrill screams in distant part OF the
room suggested another stroke OF hu-
NOR on even more ambitious lines.
The little scrubby man smiled know
ingly.
There v are agaiD-tryin' to sit on
their tails and 'lde their feelln's.
was little perplexed.
talk of the fall he snorfed. with
considerable scorn. when we iorst
our tails we became deceitful- And
why? Because we 'ad nothin' to give
us away. They know it: look at EN-
They'd give anything TO get rid OF en-
It's like carryin' O truth gauge on your
waistkit"
He came closer and stared triumph
antIy up into my face. He was In
glow with eioquence- He tapped me
playfully on the chest
Imagine it-your thoughts. opes'
most sacred feelin's at the mercy OF
cruel gloatin' world just becorse you
ave a tail For instance. you're pro-
posin' to the parents Of your young
lady. Why. your tail would be De-
tween your legs trying to get out o
sight. An what's the effect on their
tails? CurIin' like oops. They'd know
you 'aven't n brass farthin' at once"
You have no reason to suppose
began hotiy.
mo arm meant, mister" be inter-
posed sootbingly. Then think OF
'avin' to attend funerals and sich-like.
No matter 'ow gloomy your counte-
nance. wot IL your tail was Vaughn
like a riprap through pure light cart
edness?"
admitted the prospect was worthy
Of thought.
"Or In business. 'ow could you name
a price with any confidence If your
tail was on the floor and 'ad all the
ali Of wrong un?" |
The sun had sunk at last Shadows
crept over the room. In the corner OPP
posite a silent baboon stood statu-
esque against the evening sky.
of co'rse I'm not denyin' there
would be advantages I'm no dorg in
the mauger. I'm wilun' to come out
and share and share alike. be 1t argy-
ment or anything. You'll be sayin' ,
wot satisfaction to the orator to ear
the thump of approvin' tails or the
actor in the scene where the 'eroine
carsts her 'eIpless babe into the racin' !
mill stream. Why. it would be easy to
Jump in after a glance at the droopin' !
tails In the stalls"
/ nodded thougbtfully.
Il must be goin' 'ome now be re-
marked after pause. Il knew by the
looks of you Id got to deal with
shrewd I'M. man OF the world. clear
'eaded. farseein gentleman"
For a moment I wished that he had
worn a tail that might have betrayed
something Of bis rIrpose. which seem
ed to me rather obscure. Then drop
ped him out Of ny mind and began to
wonder how late II was But my
watch had gone.-Punch.