The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1910-03-12
SCRAPS.

SCRAPS.
An old couple in the west of Scotland removed to
a large town, and the husband bought an alarm
clock to wake him in the morning, as he had to go
some distance to his work. A few weeks afterward
the couple got two young as dodgers, who asked
to be awakened at the same time as themselves.
When the husband was winding up the clock that
night his wife said to him: E'Noo, jock yell haze
to gle the clock guild winding the NIGHT. Ye ken
1t has two mair to waken the morn!"
The Patron-Sir, found about pound of sand
in that last dollars worth of sugar you sold me.
The Grocer.-Well you may keep it for your
honesty.-Cleveland Leader.
Husband-Think of it, Here is hairpin I have
found In the soup! 9 s.st
Wife-Yes2 Now know where our things have
gone. shoe horn disappeared, too -Harper's
Bazaar. -. .f -...l .,..f .-..-
'CHow far is it between these two towns" asked
the lawyer.
"About four miles as the flow cries." replied the
witness. Ea
g You mean as the crow flies" IF
No" put in the judge, "he means as the fly
crows A .- .,
And they all looked at each other, feeling that
something was wrong -E7erybody's Magazine.
'What is the difference between valor and dis
cretionw
'''Wen to go to a restaurant without tipping
would be yalor." .f z
81 see" .s..te.. si.see5er ais asa.
"And to go to a different one next day would be
discretion" Tit-Bits. .., - ..l.z
Mr.. Biggs-You must think me blamed fool.
Mrs. Briggs Ctindy5-No [ don't think anybody
ever blamed you--Boston Transcript. e..- ....
tor" said Mr.. Quibbles. a eaa5 1-.aaas f1
In what way ~ 49,.
'FHe writes me an insulting letter and signs it
Yours respectfully Washington Star. ~ M
William Pruette, the singer, tells of a servant
girl who came to Mrs Pruette In tears and asked
permission to go home for few days. She had a
telegram saying her mother was sick.
Certainly, you may CO." said Mrs. Pruette,
"only don't stay longer than is necessary, as we
need you" i=sa4 als tiseaa4 e 3HT#ae =
week passed and not word from her. Then
Dear Miss Pruette [ will be back mex week an
please KEEP my place for mother is dying fast
as she can."1Success Magazine.
$50 you want to marry my daughter; what
your prospects,
"That is for you to say, sir; / am not a mind
reader. Houston Post q .4+ sac bra
Newspaper interviewer it true, sir, that you
started life as a poor plowboyWa' .7taiz4 .-
Successful Merchant-No, sir; | started life as
small red-faced, yelling baby!- Good-day, sir!-
Tit-Bits., .=4 ,.5sIes..e -.-t.,ly4 80. is
do you like my new hats" asked Mrs Brooke.
eyes," replied Mrs. Lynn. II had one Just like
it when they were in style Lippineott'sa 5zle
With sigh she laid down the magazine article
upon Daniel OConnell "The day Of great men,"
she said "is gone forever z5 15 e7a- Ala 4
fBut the day of beautiful women is not" be
responded. @ sa..755T g -
She smiled and FLUSHED, az was only Joking"
she explained hurriedly.atr- a-aHi a.a se--t 81, .
If there's no sun, still can have the moon; 20
- If there's no moon the stars my needs suffice; T8
And if they fall / have my. evening lamp;
Or lampless there's my trusty tallow dip; vFo- =
And if the dip goes out, my couch remains
Where may sleep and dream there's light again
zig Blanche Gray in Harpers Weekly
After waiting for several weeks without hearing
from her story, the amateur author wrote the mag
azine editor, requesting early decision, saying
that she had Hother irons in the fire. 2. s'Lf
Promptly came the editors response:@5
dear Madam have read your story and after
giving it careful consideration should advise you
to put it with the other irons. !" - sr - 4
It's one thing to tackle Job, and another to
take fall out Of it. ~ .r. slg. ia e --ao-.