davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
DIDN'T le. II RIGHT.
He Thought he Was a Student Of Hu
man Nature, but He Wasn't.

man Nature, put nc wasn't.
ION this trip in," said the car con
ductor about 11:30 o'clock at night
"well begin to pick up the beaus
They commence leaving their lady
loves about II o'clock. I've seen SC
many Of them get on the car that I've
got so l can tell who has said low
ing goodby and who has had a scrap
with her. It's In the way they pay
their fare"
The car stopped. and young man
stepped aboard.
There's one" continued the con-
ductor. "I'll get his fare and then
come back and tell you how l think
he got along with his ladylove."
The fare was collected, and the con-
duetor returned to the man with whom
he had been talking.
''They had fight" he said. I'D al
most bet she told him to go and never
return. Oh, I'm a student of human
nature. you bet you!'
Just then another fellow boarded the
car. He sat down by the beau"
why. hello. John!' the new passen-
ger said. How are the wife and ba.
bies?'
All well but the youngest girl" was
the reply. I'm going down to the
drug store now to get her some cough
medicine"
The conductor went to the other end
of the car and stayed there as much as
he could.-Denver Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
When Fashions Lasted For Years.
THE BEST THEY HAD.
Put Il All on Exhibition to Make .
Good Impression,

Put Il All on Exhibition to Make .
Good impression.
The Norwegians are always trying
to put the best foot forward. and the.r
do 1t In reference to marriage as well
as In reference to other matters.
1t Is said that young man once
went out to seek wife and came to
n farmhouse where there was more
wit than money. The only thing Of
which the farmer could boast was one
new sleeve to his coat. This must be
made the most Of. pray take seat"
he said Hospitality. But this room Is
shockingly dusty" and, so saying, he
went about wiping tables and benches
with his new sleeve. while he kept the
old one behind him.
His wife possessed one new shoe
and one only. but she made the most
of It by pushing the furniture In place
with 1t and keeping the other hidden
beneath her skirts. 1T is very untidy
here" she said Everything Is out Of
place."
Then they called to the daughter to
come and put things to rights. But
the only new thing she possessed was
a cap. So she kept putting her head
In at the door and nodding and nod
ding.
"For my part" she said, II can't be
everywhere at once"
Thus they all tried to make tho
young man believe that the household
was well to do-Detroit Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
GERMAN CUSTOMS LAW.
II May Not Always Be Expensive. but
II Does Take Time.

II May Not Always Be Expensive, but
Il Does Take Time.
III you travel In Germany you want
TO be careful to declare all dutiable
goods ut the border. even down to q
toothpick." said II former attache. 1T
may not save you much money, but
Il will save you vexatious delays.
with u friend came over from St.
Petersburg by way of Stockholm to
kie on our way to Berlin. l had
bought In Russia half n dozen gun
metal holders for tea glasses, not worth
over 10 cents apiece, and | had packed
them in Russian helmet The latter
had u spike on top of It,
THE customs officer at Kiel asked
whether | had anything dutiable. and
as the holders were OF Insignificant
value | said No
THAT did not satisfy him. He
thrust his hand down into the bag
roughly. and the first thing he came
into contact with was the spike of
that helmet. He jumped back. with
German oath. and then he reached
down more cautiously. grabbed the
spike and pulled the helmet up. the
contents dropping out.
AHA. So. he exclaimed In tri-
umph, transfixing me with a look.
Then he charged me with evading
the law and with smuggling. He left
us under guard. and there we stayed
while We saw our train pull out. Final.
ly the Herr Oberinspektor. In brilliant
uniform and with sword clanking. came
along back with him. He pompously
inquired who we we're We explained
II believe you. gentlemen he re
piled after some questioning and con.
siderable deliberation. but you are
amenabe to the law and will have to
pay the duty and II fine equal to the
amount Of duty Then he hurried
away TO get the articles appraised.
I'VE felt we had got into mixup.
We counted over the German money
we had between u.s. and 1t amounted
to less than So We had nothing be-
sides but drafts ON Berlin. and II the
duty and tine amounted to much we
were In for all sorts of trouble.
FINALLY the Herr Oberinspektor
came back with bundle of papers in
his hands. He Informed us that we
could be liberated upon the payment
Of 90 pfennigs. which Is about Is cents.
For this we had lost three hours."-
New York Sun.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
SHEEDY e..
tARPS.
The King Gambler la.ent the Small
Erv Lesson

The King Gambler ia.gnt the Small
Fry Lss-9n.
Some years ago. gfen st. Louis was
wide open, Pat Sheedy. king of gam
blers, was sitting in the corridor of
the Planters hotel with a friend. Two
strangers took seats alongside of Shee-
dy and very shortly turned the CONVEX
sation to poker hands. They had never
seen Sheedy before and did not know
him, but he looked the part of a pros
porous sport and at the same time
appeared like easy money"
Its too bad" one of the strangers
said. that we haven't another man
here. We might get up little game of
draw poker"
Wouldn't mind sitting in myself"
said Sheedy, with nudge to his
friend. 81 haven't played poker for
some time"
Suppose we play little showdown
81 or IS limit?" one of the strangers
said
I'm agreeable" Sheedy replied. land
! guess my friend is. Make 1t a FIVE
dollar limit for an hour or two"
lntroductions under fictitious names
on both sides followed. and the four
men went to Sheedy's suit On the cuf
for the first deal the speaking stranger
received the honor The way he han
died the cards showed that he was
used to that careless abandon met he'd
that can only come from tears of
practice by a professional ff
The suspicious Of Shteti AMI his
friend were verified by The irsi baud
shown. Sheedy received three kings
his friend a small full house. The deal
er's friend pair OF tens and the deaf
er an ace full. The betting was very
light on the part Of Sheedy and his
friend,
The next deal was Sheedy's. lie
took long while arranging the cards
When they were dealt every one In
the party had fours. Sheedy's hand. of
course. being the highest. The betting
was fast. and when the hands were
slio wn the speaking gambler suddenly
remembered n long distance telephone
call for himself and friend was await
ing them. They departed hurriedly.
and Pat Sheedy. turning to his friend.
said:
My boy. It's been twenty years
since | had to do that for a living
ST. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
He Sees Double,

His name isn't really Guzzler. but
1t Will answer the purpose. and 1t Is
descriptive. Guzzler has Il habit OF
looking upon the wine when It is RED,
frequently TO the extent that he can
see two bottles where only one exists.
Now. Guzzler Is married. and recently
the stork paid visit to his abode.
Several days after the event two Of
his friends met, and the following
conversation ensued:
Hello. old man, Hear about the
doings over mt Guzzler's?"
mo Another birthday partyi"
"Yes. In way. Guzziers wife has
presented him wit twins"
How do you known
How do | know? Well. | ought tc
know. Guzzler told me HIMSELF
well, wouldn't place too much
dependence on II. You know Guzzler
generally sees double"-New fork
Times
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
PAVING the Doctor.

Some American doctors are In favor
OF the contract system for medical
service, but they are still long way
from the Chinese scheme Of stopping
the doctors salary when the patient
falls ILL., The writer knows New
Yorker who says that II ever he Is
threatened with an operation he Will
ask the surgeon what 1t Is going to
cost. Then he will hand him the
amount ut once with the assurance
that the fee goes whether the operation
comes OF or doesn't. He reasons that
the doctor will then have no possible
temptation II It comes to a toss up
whether to operate or take chance
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
WEAK. WEARY WOMEN.
Learn the Cause Of Daily Woes and End
Them.

v hen the back aches and throbs,
When housework is torture,
When night brings no rest nor sleep,
When urinary disorders set in
Women's lot is weary one.
There is a way to escape these woes.
Doan's Kidney Pills cure such ills.
Have cured thousands.
Read this woman's testimony.
Mrs j. W Wakefield, III Kossuth St, Tren-
ton. N. j., says: II suffered great deal from
pains in my back for years and nothing SEEM
ed to help me- was aware that my kidneys
were disordered. as at times the kidney secre-
tons became irregular in passage. friend
told me to try Doan's Kidney Pills and | did
so. My back soon became strong and free
from pain and l have not had any trouble
from my kidneys since. | am pleased to let
my neighbors know that Doan's Kidney Pills
cure to stay cured. !"
For sale by all dealers Price so
cents. Foster Milburn Co, Buffalo,
New York. sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doan's-- and
take no other.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
A GREWSOME PRISON.
Tho Famous and Terrible Russian
Fortress of SchluesseIburo.

Tho Famous and Terrible Russian
Fortress of SchluesseIburg.
In the middle of the river Neva,
there lies tiny island surrounded on
three sides by the mighty. turbulent
waters OF the river and hemmed In
upon the fourth by the cold and
stormy lake Upon this island stands
a very ancient fortress inclosed by
high walls more than twenty feet in
thickness. This is the Fortress of
Schluesselburg Day and night senti-
nels relieved every two hours pace
around the top of these walls. keeping
yigilant lookout on every hand No
one from within the fortress. not even
the soldiers or gendarmes. is allowed
to communicate with the people who
dwell upon the banks OF the river. If
the unwary fisherman chances to drift
In his boat too aear to the walls Of
the fortress he Is greeted by the shout
Of sentinel. aiming his rife:
Away. or shoot
Not even the Dead sea In the deserts
Of Asia Is so utterly isolated and cut
Off from the living world as Is this
Fortress of Schluesselburg. which lies
within forty miles of st. Petersburg.
They are very ancient. the high
walls of the fortress. In many places
they are cracked from old age. and In
the cracks little trees have taken root
The lower part of the wall has grad
ually become covered with thick dark
moss. just ms the face Of very old
man becomes covered all over with
hair. They look sullcn and ominous-
ly silent rs II they hid dark and grew
some secrets. And. In truth. in the
whole world there nre no other walls
that have witnessed 81 many and such
terrible human tragedies as the For
tress OF Schuesselburg. David Sos
kice In McClure's Magazine
When Fashions Lasted For Years.
In times past fashion lasted with
slight notifications for years. Much
the same fashion continued through
the long reign of Louis XIV. and an
other through that of Louis Nv. while
the Indies Of the middle ages never
thought OF varying their costumes. As
for the Greeks and the Romans. gen.
GRAFTON succeeded generation with lit
tie change In female dress. and yet all
these ladies OF the past were more ar
tistically dressed than those Of today
Many no doubt spent more than they
could afford. but when they had q
costly dress they kept 1t and did not
throw 1t away to replace 1t with an
nthor npdo,, Trrtfh
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13

behind. as was his wont when not
very busy. poked his head In at the
door.
Ethan" he said. where's the sauce
PAM"
Captain Knight frowned, and the Of
fcer looked at once surprised and in.
different.
Your conduct is amazing, SIR" the
captain said In his most dignif1ed man.
ner Your saucepan must be where
you left it,"
You had 1t last" protested Enos.
"You said you could fry
But the captain had slammed the
door.-Youih.s Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
DENIED HIS DIGNITY.
Ths Cooks Familiarity With the Cap
tain Was m Timed

tain Was III Timed.
Encs Silsbce and Ethan Knight
came from the same little town on the
coast OF Maine. As boys they had
grown up together. and now as men
they We're sailing together on the same
schooner ethan was captain. and
Enos was the cook. Their positions
might well nave been reversed. for
Ethan was better with the skillet than
Enos. and Enos probably knew as
much about navigation as his friend.
Still. they maintained their respective
places, and neither thought of shift.
Usually on board the Maria there
was little formality between the cap
tain and the crew. In port. however,
and on certain occasions It was thought
necessary TO maintain the dignity Of
Office.
One day a naval officer came on
board on some business. Captain
knight received him In his best man.
ner, thanking his stars that he happen
ed to have his good coat on when the
officer arrived unexpectedly.
In the midst Of their interview II
the captains cabin Enos. apron tied
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13
Goino Some.

Inebriated one-Shay. mishter. did
you she me beat out that friend of
mine? Stranger-I saw you running
down the street. but didn't observe
any competitor. Inebriated One You
didn't? Why. went by that lamppost
back there's II It was standing still
Puck.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1910-04-13

Whoever enjoys not life I count him
but an apparition. though he wears
about him the visible affections OF
fesh.-Sir Thomas Browne.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
COUNTY FAIE WINNERS

especially harmful when II affects
county fair managers. and it's awful
" bum on fair income.
At HagerStown. Nd. the poultry en-
try last fall was COCO. and the past
summer the managers erected n Sl3.-
GOO pavilion.
At the Allentown (PaJ fair. with one
Of the largest fall entries in the United
States. 100 new free coops were added
this year
So at Minnesota state. Dallas. Tex,
and other big fairs everything IS done
10 encourage the poultry industry.
and the fancicrs return the favor by
making the poultry exhibit pbenom-
email In size. remarkable in quality
and 4 biz drawing card
Just few fossils and tishtwads IN
a county fair management can do
more harm 70 county fair treasury
than a bulldog fight in 4 china store
window.
some OF these have as much grit rs
the fellow who woke his mother-in.
law out OF 4 sound sleep 70 blacken
his boots
They ask 4 fancler 10 coop. feed. take
all responsibility for the care OF fowls.
charge him an oNorbitant entry in
proportion 10 the premium. make him
buy 4 dollar exhibitors ticket and II
he wins q first about three months
after the fair send him a check for
20 cents. uow'S that for tightwad?
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
, cor COOP

they must 'flve lots 20 nur. fresh mir
20 thrive auf o drag; whether in
Maine or California. kills poui seep
Biddy In uaudLox she's goo old
chanticleer bat Give her air. Feed hey
fair and give her care
You never burn money, OF course.
but lots OF folks DO in the winter.
They keep their hens in a freezer and
expect eggs. but Biddy burns all the
feed FOR heat.
Remember n hen needs feed 70
growth. waste. eggs and weather COZ
ditions. II you keep her so the wealth
or can't catch her corporosity YOU save
feed and get eggs. and this IS one rea-
son why that fellow. who. some think.
has trick to pun eggs. gets there.
Hens Will warm themselves exercis-
Inc after good feed IN clean litter IN a
dry house. free from draochts. and roll
out the eggs. whether it's zero or not
\ windbrake IS n good thing. some
grow row OF everCreens 20 cut the
wind Il does the trick. is pretty and
makes n shade.
In the picture corn fodder is stacked
against the henhouse. This makes Il
coy. and every farmer has fodder "a
burn.
He is certainly practical who keeps
hens in comfort. but. more. he Is rner
ciful
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
THE ANGLE OF REPoSE.
,.o,nos Wholly or the Friction ct the
Materials In Contact.

,.,,o, Wholly or the Friction Ct the
Materials In Contact.
.rn, angle OF repoSe Is well known
-.., In the science OF mechanics. bat.
,i,s being used In purely theoret-
.,l nroblems. Is taken into account by
'.,road and other engineers. suppose
,r,, We take brick and lay II on
,.,,nt and then gradually raise one
"a ~ the board. There will be- GER
,sin angle reached In time where the
nrck will not remain 5; rest on tho
no,rd but VIII start to slide down.
This is termed the angle OF repose OF
,hs brick on the board II Is at that
roip, where the component OF force
due 10 gravity overcomes the resist
s,ce due 10 friction between the two
.,rfaces Therefore the angle de-
oends entirely on the friction. Eric
,,op varies with the materials In con-
tact So the angle OF repose OF brick
on \ pine board would be different
,ban its angle OF repose on an iron
hoard. say.
Now FOR the application OF this In
ordinary life. When railroad cut has
70 no made the sides have TO be suffi-
GENTLY slanting 20 keep the earth or
clay from cnving In. The sn-ue ap-
niles when n ditch Is dug or when for
,iscatlons are built In time OF war.
The angle necessary for this Is of
course the angle OF repose OF the par
ocular Kind OF material through which
the cut Is made as measured 10y itself
on itself. as Il contains millions OF In
dlvldual particles In contact. The an
gle I'm this instance Is determined with
utmost ease and simplicity. A pile OF
the material Is put into an open cylin-
der. packed down slightly. and the cyl
inder is then removed. or course the
pile Immediately slumps down into n
mound with slanting sides. the angle
OF which is the one wanted This an
Gle T. somewhat smaller than the one
that would be taken by compact earth
and therefore allows good margin Of
safety
There are tables got out for the en-
clneer to refer TO. but Il Is always
wiser 10 make a trial for every par
ocular condition OF the soil. for there
are hardly two cuts made through eS
ac,ly the same kinds OF material in
exactly the same ccndition.-Chicago
Reconi-uerald
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
Two Cheerful Liars.

Two Americans were disputing rs to
which had experienced the greatest
cold I'm winter. Said one: "In the part
of Iceland where | was last summer
the ground is frozen so hard all the
year round that when they want TO
bury n man they Just sharpen his feet
and drive him In with pile hammer"
The other replied: Yes. ! know
that place. Didn't stay there long
found It not quite bracing enough for
me. Went oh to a small town farther
north The hotel where | was stay
ing caught fire. My room was on the
top story. No fire escapes or ladders
In that primitive settlement Stair
cases burnt away Luckily, kept my
presence OF mind Emptied my bath
out OF the window and slid down the
icicle."-Truth.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
RULES FOB WIVES.
To Which is Added Some Fen,inlns
Advice TO Husbands.

To Which IL Added Some Fen,inln,
Advice TO Husbands.
Some presumptuouS Frenchmen puh-
ushed list OF commandments for
wives. one OF which ran: Now ana
then acknowledged gracefully that thy
husband knows more about some
things than thou. After ali. thou art
not infallible." A second and still moro
daring rule for wives was. Never he
aggressive I'm thy arguments with thv
husband. but always consider him as
superior 10 thee" This was too much
for French feminists. and no wonder.
One lady answers the presumptuous
man Indignantly:
The weaker sex has not merely du.
ties; II has also rights Feminism Is
advancing. and nothing will stop II.
The weaker sex Is the squat OF tho
sterner. Equality forever Here are
the commandments which women op-
pose TO those OF men
The lady then gives her rules for
husbands with morc spirit than logic:
Woman has a right 10 have whims:
II Is privilege OF her sex Never put
her out She might have Mysteries.
which would impair her health and
cost the money In dociur'S bills.
Another commandments runs:
Remember. good man. that thy wife
Is thy superior 10y her grace. her beau.
~ and refinement Therefore always
worship at her feet.
Where. then good lady. does equal.
ity forever" come in. IL woman not only
has privilege because she is n woman.
but is decidedly superior 10 mann
Surely. the strong minded suTragist
would spurn privileges OF sex. In an
other rule the lady seems TO show
some sly knowledge % her sisters
If. good man. thou deSireSt mountain
air ask thy wife 10 come TO the sea-
side; she will Immediately propose a
holiday In Switzerland
But this IL very mild gibe az her
own sex compared with her fnal
thrust NJ We other IN her last rule
for husbands:
Man was created before woman as a
preliminary sketch for the master
piece. Remember. then. O husband.
that thou art but "A rough draft.
This ought 10 shut any husband up
hnally.-Paris Cor. London Telegraph.
Clarke courier. [volume] (Berryville, Va.) 1869-1997, 1910-10-26
BAPTIST CHURCH.

REv. Julian BRoADDUs, u. D., Pastor.
Preaching every Sunday at Ii m, and :
Il. m.
Sunday School every Sunday at $50 -. N.
Superintendent, d. II. Jones.
b. y. Z. L. every Sunday AZ : p. N.
Prayer Meeting every Wednesday at S p. m.
Ladies Aid Socicty-President, Mrs. NJ.
II. Kerfoot; Nice-President Mrs w. ).
Dix; Treasurer, Mrs, A. ID. Ha-desty;
Secretary, Mrs. VIM. Hart Meets first
Thursday in each month.
Ne'ghbor's Club; Missionary Study Class
President and Leader. Miss Mary Wash
ington Gold. Meets first Wednesday in
each month AT the residence of Miss
Mary Washington Gold.
The Woman's Missionary Society meets once
month in the basement of the church,
Mrs. L. ID. HardeSty, President