davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Advertising Graft.

Once more has Mayor Gaynor, Of New
York given a demonstration OF what
business methods. honestly conducted.
may accomplish IL applied TO the affairs
OF a municipality. He has had the mat
ter Of New Yorl's city advertising IN
vestisated, with the astonishing result
that Il has been found that It will be
possible 90 save the city no less than
$75Oooo a year on this one item alone.
Last year, the last OF the Mcclellan adj
mlnistratiou. New York's advertising bill
was $50, and during che six years OF
the Mcclellan administration the total
bin was Just about S5.OOO,cO0
There IS little complaint about the ad-
veruslng that has been given by the
municipality TO the standard newspapers.
though during the Mcclellan administra-
ton the leading newspapers received
enormous sums-the Herald S119. 236. 81:
the Tribune. S20i. S11.46: the Press $50
25S5S; the Telegram. So. sos 80: the World.
see. SS66l; the Evening Post, S1s,O96.s9. and
- ull- DuL AANeSLi HhAAoA SHOWS IndL all
over New York. IN Harlem and the
Bronx and Brooklyn. there sprang into
existence a number Of so-called news
papers. OF little or no circulation; news
papers whose names were never heard Of
even in New York, whose only reason
for existence was 20 secure some Of the
graft advertising from tho city. In all
there were S62 newspapers and periodi-
Gals receiving advertising from the Nc
Clellan administration. and It is esti-
mated that at least eighty Of these were
graft publications only, which received
all told S59s,SS9.47 from the city. Not
only that. but the Mcclellan administra-
ton found It necessary to advertise in
Chicago. St. Louis. Boston. Philadelphia,
and Washington publications, and some
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
IN ETAH.
CBy request)


They say that life is dreary
And a useless sort Of thing
In the far and frozen Northland,
Where the polar bear is king.
And yet l do imagine
That Il may not be so bad;
Some things they miss IN Etah
Would not make me very sad.
There no one thinks 10 query,
rs IL hot enough for youy"
And az night no blithesome 'skeeter
SinF8 a festive tra-la-loo.
No sunshine bard was ever
Known 10 pen an Etah rhyme,
and the town band has no knOWI'
odEa
or The Good Old Summertime. :"
The Dago. with bis piano.
Does not roam the trapped street,
And the hokey-rJkey peddler
Gets the coolest kind "a feet
In Etah. blessed Etah.
Way up IN the arctic zone,
closed street cars 90 not nourldn
And the end-seat hogs unknown
Outlawed Is the roof garden.
With its hollow. sad appeal
In dear Etah there is never
ANY summer vaudeville.
There arc no gay lawn parties
No al fresco stunts to do
For social obligations
Up IN Etah. they are few.
Oh. Etsh. charming Etah.
Where the frost stays In the air.
And the nipping winds are blowing
Iccbergs in from everywhere
Seems 10 me it would be lovely.
For the next six weeks or 20,
Just 10 leaf around IA Etah,
And 70 wallow In the snow
BILLIE HENSHAW.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Poetry that Paid.

John u. Wells. IN Columbia Magazine.
In 1903 I came to the Buffalo Evening
News as telegraph and cable editor. A
short time thereafter Mr.. Edward H
Butler. the owner and proprietor Of the
News. demanded It the point OF a gun
that do a Joke column and come 70 bat
daily I did so under protest and aged
ten years in the succeeding sixty days.
But one day had for filler a little jingle
that read like this:
Il isn't death that worries ne,
Nor yet how Is Il with ny soul
Z confess what fiurries me
Is where 20 get next winters coali
don't remember distinctly. but I dare
say the little Jest was leavened with
truth. At any rate. when I met Mr.
Butler in the elevator the next day he
scratched his head and passed me this.
extemporaneously:
beg you don't disturb yourself
Nor any untoward methods seek,
For l hereby increase your pcn
To twice your stipend every week"
Mr.. Butler is some rhymster. he IS!
Since that time Aristotle himself couldn't
back me into a corner and convince me
that poetry doesn't pay.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

William Penn, the English Friend and
founder Of Pennsylvania, died on July
80. lbs. IN England, a very much dlsap-
pointed man. He had worked very hard
in his efforts to establish a colony on
this side OF the Atlantic. The chief fault
OF Penn, and the one which brought him
most Of his trouble. was that ne was
poor judge OF character, and those whom
he sent 10 represent him in the province
were too often either weak or wicked.
His son. william, turned out badly. and,
when sent 70 Pennsbury, was arrested
in a drunken brawl IN Philadelphia, and
turned out OF the Quaker fellowship. All
sorts of internal wrangling broke out IN
the province, and the whole state OF ar
fairs at last became so miserable that
II is small wonder he wrote: "Oh. Penn
sylvania, what hast. thou cost me7 Above
thirty thousand pounds more than 1 ever
got by It; two hazardous and most ia
tiguing voyages, my straits, and slavery
here, and my child's soul, almost
When he was on the spot Penn had
been able 70 resist the encroachments
OF Lord Baltimore's supporters upon his
boundaries ana preserve peace "41Iilh NAc
limits Of his jurisdiction. but once he
was across the Atlantic matters were
different.
Once Penn even thought seriously OF
selling his governorship. and in l7l2 a
transfer 20 the Crown for 1900 pounds
was drawn up and was unsigned only
because Of a sudden attack OF illness
During all this tina too. Penn had beer
neglecting TO inquire into the accounts
| Of Ford. his manager IN England and
ireland, often not even unsealing his re-
ports. and when Ford died his heirs
/ claimed that Penn was indebted TO then
| for over 10000 pounds. brought suits. and
! even arrested him during a meeting and
had him cast into the Fleet street prison
Then Il was that PENIS friends raj
| lied 10 his aid. The general treatmen
OF him by his prosecutors was condemned
as unjust and a compromise was ef
\ fected with the Fords just as peace wa
being restored In the province across TIL
seas. Thereupon, Penn retired to Rus
combe. in Berkshire. and there, with hi
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Blond and Brunette in Army.

The army medical officers on duty in the
Philippines having completed their inves-
tigation OF the effect Of wearing colored
underwear as a protection against the
tropical heat, or, at least, against the
influence OF the suns rays. are now to
take UP the study Of the relative resist
ance Of blends and brunettes TO the
actinic rays Of the sun.
It has been alleged by some OF the IN
genioGs theorists Of the medical depart
ment that the actinic rays Of the sun pro-
duce more marked and injurious effects
on blends than they do on brunettes. It
was found that II did not matter in the
least what color OF underclothing was
worn by the man IN the tropics. He got
the full effect Of the suns rays, regardless
OF the hue Of his garments. It remains
70 be seen whether the interesting theory
which seeks 10 give the advantage to
the brunette over the blond in the tropics
IS Justified.
The army medical officers are under
taking the investigation at considerable
trouble, the task having been assigned
to the army board for the study OF tropi-
cal diseases. Of which the head. Maj. W.
?. Chamberlain. has prepared printed
blanks fer the recording OF certain stats
tics which shall permit a comparison Of
the susceptibility Of blonds as compared
with brunettes.
1t IS not made known what policy VIII
be pursued if It be found that the blond
IS less hardy than his dark-complexioned
associate IN the military service. The War
Department IS not likely to go to the ex-
tremity Of selecting only brunettes FOR
service in the Philippines. even should II
be indisputably demonstrated that the
brunette is better able than the blond to
Withstand the rigors Of the tropical sun
light That will be placing military art on
n very effeminate basis. We are not SO
sure that It will not be step toward the
heroism. It will come perilously neal
maintaining n trust In restraint Of the
blond. It viii make the accident Of com
plexion, IN the case Of the blond for in,
stance. a disqualifying characteristic foi
the manly pursuit OF warfare
Those who believe in the equality o.
the race. without regard to the color o
the hair, will cherish the hope that tn,
army medical officers will be able 10 rem
der a report which does not place an,
blight upon the blond.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
SIZE OF THE SEA.
From Bits

From Tit-Bits.
An officer OF a liner once remarked 20
the writer that most men seem 10 be as
ignorant about the size OF the sea as
they are OF the distance between the
heavenly planets. Here are a few facts:
The Pacific covers 100000 miles. the
Atlantic 100000, and the Indian Ocean.
Arctic and Antartic 100000. To stow
away the contents OF the Pacific It would
be necessary TO I'll tank one mile Ions.
one mile wide. and one mile deep every
day for 40 years. Put in figures. the
Pacific holds in weight $4,000 900. 600 Co.,
10000 tons. The Atlantic averages a
depth OF not quite three miles. Its waters
weigh S25, 900 OoO. OOo. COO 900 tons. and a tank
70 contain II would have each Of its
sides 40 miles long. The figures OF the
other oceans are in the same startling
proportions II would take all the sea
water in the world 100000 years to flow
over Niagara.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
SELLING BY WEIGHT.

JiIa Henry IS strongly IN favor
Of the proposed plan 70 sell all
food products. from potatoes 70
eggs. By weight But If weight Is
really 70 be the new gauge Of value.
It win bring about some curious
comparisons. At that rate. he says,
President Taft viii be judged TO
have been our most valuable Presi-
dent. Hitchcock viii be rated much
below James ]. Jenries, and as fer
one Of the political speeches Of
Bailey, Of Texas, IL VIII be listed
as Of practically no value al all.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
CRAwFIsH RUIN CORNFIELDs.
Remarkable story that Comes via
the Department of Agriculture.

Remarkable story that Comes VIA
the Department of Agriculture.
From The Brooklyn Eagle
Prof. W. II. Hays. Assistant Secretary
Of Agriculture. has decided to send a
special agent OF the Bureau OF Plant
Industry to Mississippi, With instructions
10 do everything possible to save the
corn fields there that are being attacked
by crawfsh.
The department officials have been
amazed during the past few days by re-
eeiving dozens Of letters from farmers
along the banks Of the Mississippi VINO
say that their corn fields are being de-
voured by swarms Of ravenous crawfsh.
The animals burrow through the ground
and attack not only the roots OF the
corn. but actually climb the stalks and
eat the leaves and ears.
The section from which the complaints
come IS low and the soil is natur lily
moist. The water IS near the surface. and
II IS supposed that the crawfish are at
tracted 10 the corn fields because Of the
scarcity OF food At any rate. the COM
plants have come 20 the department in
such manner that Prof. HAYS said to-
day ne would send one OF his specialists
from the Bureau OF Plant Industry q
investigate and see what could be done
70 save the corn fields.
One correspondent asserts that ne has
gathered more than 100 barrels OF craw-
FISH The pests have appeared in suct
numbers that most OF the farmers seem
powerless TO combat them. Mr.. Hays
says that in all probability the crawhst
are more valuable than the corn crop
He thinks that II gathered they could be
sold for a good price to the restaurant
keepers OF New orleans and other places
where crawfish are regarded as a dell
/ cacy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
A snre Enough Mutt.

From the Houston Post
Hes a mutt"
why, how IS that; he's nice looking
and apparently very bright"
Bright nothing That pretty Miss
stacksoht asked him 10 teach her 20
swim. and he told her he couldn't be
cause he didn't know how"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
ANSWERS TO
CORRESPONDENTS.

seriOus-No. we haven't any idea
why Billy Hibbs' new auto is paint
cd green.
Piscatorus-The champion fisher
man Of the District Is Mai. Sylves-
ter. but he Is opposed to using the
third degree on HIS catch.
Taxpayer-The yellow signs YOU
see on automobiles are Maryland
licenses. They are indications that
their owners are persons Of wealth.
Fashion-No: the lady that you
saw and thought was injured or
suffering from hip disease was prob
ably only wearing a hobble skirt.
Clarence-No, Clarence; It is not
correct 20 say II seen him when
Il was done" The correct phrasing
Is az seen him when he done IT,.
Employees; we are not only IN
favor Of President Taft's two
months vacation plan, but we feel
every day like saying. WHO in the
deuce invented work, anyway"
Esthetic-The bin providing for
painting the dome q the Capitol
blue failed Of passage. owing TO the
insurgents.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
PLEASANT TO RECALL.

The poet-laurcats Of Washington.
Col. Joyce. called on the editor Of
Tho Biz Stick and with the privi-
lege usually accorded to the oldest
inhabitant" reminded Us Of certain
dates that he thought might help
US all To bear the tOTrid spell.
July 30. 1S00-Seyere haiIstorm IN
Washington. The streets were GOV
cred With ice four inches deep.
September q. lS99-Blizzard from
the north. Two men found frozen
10 front Of the pOst-office.
June }. 1s03-AmmOnia pipes Of
the ice plant burst. freezing twelve
employees to death.
August Y. ls02-Ice cream. put on
the free list by Congress.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
Death in England of William Penn-July 80.

family about him, passed his last days.
His son and grandchildren were with
him, so that now" he writes I'VE are
major. minor, and minimus. I bless the
Lord mine are pretty well-Johnny lively;
Tommy. a lovely, large child; and my
grandson. Sprlngett. a mere Saracen; his
sister a beauty" His last words written
for publication QTD were the conclud-
ing ones OF a preface for John Banks
Journal" IN which he says: Now,
reader, before take leave Of thee, let
me advise thee 10 hold religion IN the
spirit, whether thou prayest. praisest. or
minfsterest TO others, -" which, that
all Gods people may do. IS. and hath long
been the earnest desire Of theirs and thy
faithful friend in the Lord Jesus Christ
W. Penn"
The next year Penn had a paralytic
stroke, soon followed by. two others.
These impaired his memory and weak
ened his body. but left him happy and
peaceful, walking about his garden and
meeting his friends at his home. But
his strength lessened day by day and he
finally died on the SOth Of July. lis. at
the age OF seyenty-four. He that lives
70 live forever" he had said in the
Fruits Of Solitude" never fears dying
Nor can the means be terrible to him
I that heartily believes the end. For
| though death be dark passage. It leads
10 immortality; and that is recompenst
enough for suffering II. - And this
IS the comfort Of the good. that the grave
cannot hold them. and that they live al
1 soon as they die"
on July 30, 1919, the first Colonial AS
/ sembly in America met at jamestown
Va. It IS the date OF the duel. in 1902
between John Swartout and De Wit
Clinton. July 30 is the birthday OF Sam
uel Rogers, the British poet d76O
William T. Adams, C'Oliver Optic'D IN
poet CS22); Robert ]. Burdette. the jour
nalist and humorist Qs4O. and Zine
r. Reynolds, founder Of the Anthropo
logical Society Of Washington Qs46).
is the date Of the death OF Thomas Gray
the English poet QT7); and Prince Bis
marck. the German chancellor GSsS).
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
ALITTLE NONSENSE.
GwENDoLYN.

I sing a song OF Gwendolyn,
A pretty name.
II well might grace the fairest face
Or proudest dame.
I sing a song Of Gwendolyn,
But she is shy;
Just strolls along and TO my song
Makes no reply.
sing a song OF Gwendolynl
Beneath the bough
She hides her phiZ: you see, she is
The White House COW.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
A Hurry Call.

I'm looking for a doctor. Can you an
swer a hurry call? ?"
IF It comes within my province" said
the physician. I'm a lung specialist,
you know"
THE boys lungs seem 10 be all right
It's a green apple specialist I want"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
SATURDAY. JULY 30, 1910.
Home News Away from Home

Washingtonians who leave the
city. either for a short or long
stay-whether they go to mountain
or oeashore, or even across the sea
should not fail to order The
Washington Herald sent to them
by mail. It will come regularly.
and the addresses will be changed
as often as desired. 1t is the homo
news you will want while away
from home. Telephone Main $500.
giving old ard new address,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
st. Louis proudly procaims herself the leading
buyer Of hickory handles. Boston Is center q let
ters. New York Is the most Cosmopolitan American
city Charleston Is aristczatic beyond the fear q
competition. San Francisco holds the record Tor
coming beck" after getting ont o. condition Cal
weston was once the home Of JACK johnson.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Like the Comet,r TniI.

From the San Francisco Chronicle.
Mr. Pnchot may be right in believing that the in
suTgeut movement stretches from 10 sea" Like
most things that stretch however II Is very tenuous
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

That New York man who was recently
severely bitten by his pet rattlesnake
will not get much sympathy. as the New
York Tribune suggests. People who pet
rattlesnalles viii have 20 take the con-
sequences.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Anectntion

From the Buffalo Express
Jones is the most refined man ]
know"
''Hows that?"
He uses a separate toothpick for each
tooth
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
Accident in LittIe mi.

From the Youngstown Telegram.
The Bystander-What on earth IS the
matter with Tony? Did a house fall on
him?
The Copper-No; an ace full fell cut or
his sleeve during a poker game IN Little
Italy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
ThoughtfuI Ma.

Come ashore now. daughter"
81 don't want to. ma
You have had your bath. Some other
lady may wish 20 use the ocean"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

''dr. Wombat Is very popular IN So
ciety. He can perform on musical glasses
and also juggle billiard balls"
"A pleasing diversion. Most society
chaps are monolOgue men"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
AdvertisinR Politics.

From tho Pittsburg Dispatch.
Mr.. FairbanlS says the best advertiser and the
best merchant are anonymous. he might have
added that 1t also held good in politics. Look at
Oyster Bay.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

king Menelilts health is steadily I'M
proving" says a European cable. BY and
by. perhaps, his majesty will recover
sufficiently TO resume his accustomed
weekend passing away.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

"a minister IN st. Louis has preached
four sermons without once mentioning
hades." says the Charleston News and
Courier. Perhaps he felt that he could
not tell a St Louis congregation any
thing new concerning that place
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

We do not believe the party at Saga
more HilI viii be extravasantly interest
ed IN hearing Jimmie" explain the ne
cessity for locking the Ohio stable, now
that the horse is gone.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

There has been a decline in the sale
Of fiction for a year or two" says the
Rochester Herald. Oh, we'll; the cam
paign committees will be flooding the
country with IL soon.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
The Haughtx Cook.

MY dear, will you kindly ask that
naughty cook Of ours to stew some tripe
brought home? / haven't the nerve"
Where is the trlpe?"
shes looking at it now, through her
lorgnette"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

''The watermelon crop is falling" says
the Atlanta Journal We feel sure that
was a typographical error. The Journal
meant to say filling" of course.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

Everybody IS going 70 Europe now"
observes a writer in the Philadelphia
Inohrer. Most OF US are going in cur
minds only. however.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

The Census Bureau viii state that
Chicago's population has increased to
10000. Even the Census Bureau will
not attempt to explain why, however.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

THE batting average Of George B. Cox
has suffered fearful slump" says the
Youngstown Telegram Yes: If you
stand on your head when reading the
percentage table.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

1.-THE South is looking up" observes
the Montgomery Advertiser. Trying to
locate the cost Of living. or some par
ticularly interesting airship2
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

II does not matter so much who told
the Hon. Nicholas Longworth on which
side his bread is buttered. The Hon.
Nick seems to know. all right!
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

Uncle Joe" says the slxty-hrst Con-
gress was the best in years" Though
Il chasteneth him, yet will ke love it
with all his heart.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

Neither does Nephew Theodore Douglas
appear TO have found the big
stick a sufficient prop.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

Prosperity comes from the ground"
observes a correspondent in the New
York Herald. From the ground floor, fire.
quently anyway.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

'The best way to get ones history
looked UP IS TO run for Office" says the
Nashville American. Also. that is the
best way to get it twisted up
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

The President Of Chile will visit New
York early in August That is when New
York can show him all kinds OF a hot
time.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
GOOD FOR GRANNY.

Granny Hunt Is felicitating him
self nightly over the success OF his
committee IN securing conrcntionS-
The Elks were here this week. lie
has dispensed with his chest tx
pandeE.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

Mosquitoes are very fierce in Alaska.
II seems. And in some parts OF that
country, the night lasts for months. it
is said.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
MAY spike Cannon.

From the Rockford star.
II A. G.. Spalding goes TO the Senate be viii find
some base things there and may be anxious 70 steal
home.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

The final scene I seldom view;
The play fails fat.
Some girl selects that moment TO
Adjust her hat.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30
ArtonndinrIv 30.

From the Chicago Record Herald
For perfectly good tariff bill, the Payne-Aldrich
measure seems to require a good deal Of propping.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-30

THE Doctors whiskers distribute mil
lions Of microbes" objects the Mobile
Register. with painful sarcasm. Moral:
Boil the doctors whiskers.