Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-03-11
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tnelr troubles. Him (sotto voce)-
Last, but not least!-Cleveland Lead
er.
ihat man has broken more records
than anyone else l ever heard Of" "a
runner? NO; he owns a graphic
phone. Stanford University Chapar-
raj.
Highland Ferryman (during momen-
tary lull in the storm I'm thenkin',
Sir, I'll just TAX yer fare; there's no
sayin what micht happen tae u.s.
Punch.
Teacher-B-a-i-t; what does that
spellF Tommie-Don't know, ma'am.
Teacher-Why, what do you catch fish
with? Tommy-Oh, worms!-Yonkers
Statesman.
1t seems to me that l have seen
you before you have, my lord.
used to give your daughter singing
lessons" Twenty years."-Casselrs
Saturday Journal.
i have a chance to marry an old
man who has lots of money" "Why
don't your" HE hasn't any bad hab-
Its, and comes of long-lived family"
Chicago Record-Herald
"Ill work no more for that man Do.
Ian" "An' why7" "shure, 'tis on
account av remark he made" AN
phwat was that?" Says he, Casey
says he. 'ye're discharged
The Lady-My 'usband. sir, as sent
me. to say e won't be able to come and
do the little Job you arst i'm to; 'e's
promised to go round the town with
the unemployed A. P.
Mrs. Gramercy-I feel 30 wretched,
found dark hair on the suit my
husband wore last summer. Mrs. Park
Don't worry, dear. If you remember,
your hair was dark last year.-Lippin-
colts.
An automobile enthusiast proposes
the building of motor road from the
Atlantic to the Pacific, with road
houses and garages every five miles.
/ Why omit hospitals?-New York Even.
ing Post
"Gee!" said the observing small boy
when l grow up I'm going after a
political job" what for?" asked the
man. SOS l can go to the ball games
every afternoon" he replied.-Detroit
Free Press.
Conceited Bridge Player-Come here
and sit by me, Kittie. You can learn
a good deal by watching my game
Kittie Quicktongue-No, thanks.
never could profit by other peoples
mistakes.-Life.
Blobbs-At the next station we stop
ten minutes for refreshments. Slobbs
Il wonder why trains stop only ten
minutes at railroad eating houses
Enthusiastically for humane reasons
philadelphia Record.
Farmer Smallseed-Listen to this
Elviry. This paper says that they
have found in italian prisons the pet
rified remains of some Of the prison
ers. His Wife-Do tell! Them mus
be them hardened criminals we hear
about-Harper's Weekly.
Things look rather run down around
here" remarked the man who had just
returned after many years to his ma
tive village" Run DOWN. should
say So" replied the friend of his
youth. There's a motor car comes
through here about every three min
utes."
Mother-Johnny, you said you'd been
to Sunday school? Johnny with far
away look Yes, mamma. Mother
How does 1t happen that your hands
smell of fish7 JOHNNY carried home
the Sunday school paper, an the out
side page is all about Jonah and the
whale! e!-Western Christian Advocate
Mother (viciously scrubbing her
small boys face with soap and water)
Johnny, didn't l tell you never to
blacken your face with burnt cork
again? Here I have been scrubbing
half an hour and 1t won't come OF.
Boy (between gulps)-I -uch! amt
your little boy--uch! Use Nose, de
colored lady's boy.
"Now, Mr.. Blank" said temper
ance advocate to a candidate for mu.
nicipal honors, 81 want to ask you a
question. do you ever take alco-
| holic drinks?' Before I answer the
question" responded the wary candi-
date, II want to know whether 1t Is
put as an inquiry or as an invitation"
philadelphia Inquirer.
Did you ever stop to think, my
dear" said Mr.. Micawber, gazing at
his plate of lobster salad. that the
things which we love most In this life
are the very things that never agree
with usY "Will you be so kind"
IL