davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Offended Dignity,

Members of the police department
were matching stories the other day
and the conversation turned on the
amount of nerve" some persons
have, and what remarkable things
they expect of the police department
Il remember one day I got a tele-
phone call from a woman on Wash.
ington street that she wanted a DO.
liceman to come to her house right
away" said Desk Sergeant Canrey of
the First precinct.
81 sent policeman-never mind
who he was-and soon he came back
Ioking as red as beet.
what do you suppose that WON.
an wanted? he said. after he had re.
covered his breath.
"Tt's past me, | answered. what
did she want?'
Her little girl had gone to the
store to buy some candy, and lost a
nickel in the grass in front of a house,
and she wanted me to find it for her.
be said.
land what did you tell herr =
asked the copper.
Sergeant, what could 1 tell her!
be asked. L just turned around and
walked away Newark Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
0aYAMHIn9 = q c&NAz4r 6asaNHCM - Aaznw

FEighty-two," he snapped; "old
enough to know BETTER"
odd enough to be thinking about
making her will, az any rate" I said
neaniEgly. And of course Arch had
in reality too keen an interest in his
own welfare not to appreciate that
fact without needing me to emphasize
it. He was not the boy-I thought-if
l knew him at all, to sit sulking in a
corner when there was only a little
thing like getting a wife in ten days
between him and a chance at a for
tunei If he did, he could not certain
ly be the same Terhune that had
proved so earnest an aspirant for the
millions Of the Hon. Agatha, a sum-
mer ago. And I was right. 1t was not
long before he'd forgotten his disap-
prOval of Aunt Georgy's methods and
was excitedly discussing ways and
means Of Obeying her behest. I
thought myself the thing didn't sound
so hard. I thought at any rate that it
would be a regular lark to have a try
at it. But he was much less optimis-
tic, much more GOwnhearted Not be-
cause he doubted his ability to get
some girl to marry him, for he felt
quite sure on the contrary that his
only trouble would be in making Sc
lection. But it was the shortness of
the time that stumped him. He
couldn't seem to see himself an en-
gagged man in ten days, his magma
ton somehow failed to sum up the
picture. did my best to cheer him
up and pointed out that the property,
which was a sheep farm in Australia,
formerly belonging to Aunt Georgy's
brother, now deceased, and yielding
yearly income of about $4,000, was
worth having try for. And as I said,
it might have been much worse Aunt
Georgy might have insisted on his
actually attaining the married state in
ten days time, instead of merely get
ting engaged, and that I thought
would have been well nigh impossible.
Girls are so queer about that sort or
thing. They must have a trousseau,
and bridesmaids and churches and
fuss and feathers of one kind or an
other. He would certainly have had
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Tower Built bv One Man

Standing on the banks of the River
Awberg, between Mallow and Fermoy
County Cork, Ireland, is a remarkable
edifce known as Johnny Roche's
Tower" The whole tower was built
by the labor Of one man, who subse
Quently resided in it. This individ
ual, who received no education what
ever, also erected a mill, CONSTRUCTING
the water wheel after a special design
Of his own. Long before the introduc
ton Of the bicycle he went about the
country on a wheeled vehicle Of his
own construction, propelled by foot
power. His last feat was to build
his tomb in the middle of the river
bed. John Roche died about 20 years
ago, but was not inferred in this
strange burying place which he select
ed for himself, his less original rela.
ives deeming such mode OF sepul
cher unchristian.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
A Pertinent Commentary.

F. H. Elliott, the secretary of the
Automobile association, said
at an automobile banquet in New
York:
Il like to see women run their own
cars. l like to see women do all sorts
Of things, provided they have had the
proper training and are proficient
There is no sight more agreeable than
that of healthy American girl, riding
her horse, running her motor, driving
her coach, with a skill and grace no
man need be ashamed of.
But smoking and that sort OF
no, that doesn't become the
American girl
can American girl drew up her tour
ing car at country inn. She got out
with her friends. She took off her
dust coat and goggles. She opened a
gold cigarette case and put a cigarette
between her rosy lips.
"The old country waiter may have
done it unconsciously, but, neverthe-
less, he offered singularly good COM
mentary on girls smoking when he.
brought big, foul-smelling contriv-.
ance to the pretty automobilist, set it
down at her feet, and said:
"'Spittoon, Miss?'"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
SPECIMEN OF REAL GENIUS
California Farmer Adopts Unique
Method of Fattening His Hogs
Birds Supply Food.

Every time l go to southern Cali
fornia,' said Richard c. Worthington,
I see something that makes me open
my eyes farther, and take off my hat
to the progressiveness of those fellows
out there.
But on this last trip" he continued
I witnessed a piece of enterprise
which exceeds anything which | ever
saw or heard of, or ever expected to
see or hear of.
L was travelling in the country be
tween San Francisco and Los Angeles
one day, when 1 was impressed by the
size of some hogs in a pigpen near the
road. was especially impressed be-
cause on my previous trips the razor
back quality of the pork had caused
me to comment. This time, however,
the hogs were as big as barrels.
How did you do it?' l asked the
farmer, who was bending over the
bars Of the pig pen picking his teeth
with piece of straw.
Well. We see it's this here way,
stranger, replied the agricultuTist.
Them hawgs Just clean run the fat all
of Of 'emselves diggin' for acorns.
They sort of had competition with
them DANCED woodpeckers who'd COB
ole up the acorns and store EN- away
IN hole in a fence post or rail, and
there wouldn't be anything left for the
hawgs.
I got to thtnkin' the matter over,
and 1 calculated that it was up to me
to sting them woodpeckers, SO l rig
ged up sort of a birdhouse and filled
The front of it all full with holes about
The size Of the holes them birds put
their acorns in the fence. Then |
built me long tube leadin' down
from them holes to the feedin'
trough, and bided my time till them
birds got wise to the continuance.
Tt didn't take 'em long. Before a
little while they was pilin acorns into
them 'er holes as If they was getting
ten cents an hour, and the acorns was
a-runnin' right down the pipe to the
pigs mouth
That's the way I got them pigs
nice and fat, mister All they have to
do now is to lay around by the trough
and the birds feeds 'em. Purity good
idea, amt it?'"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
NAMING THE BABY
USUALLY 1T is A VERY SIMPLE
AFFAIR.
Interest of the Relatives Made This
Case More DifficuIt-Finally Solved
by Drawing Name From
Hat,

Ordinarily there would have been No
trouble in naming the baby. 1t is Gus.
tom for fathers and mothers to decide
years before that some of these days
If a little boy blessed their home
they'd call him Etheridge, and that ii
It should be a girl, her name should
be Annie May.
But in this case 1t was different, for
there were so many people to satisfy
There was grandpa, for illustration
He was getting old, and his feelings
might be hurt if he didn't figure in thu
name-giving. Besides, he might leava
his accumulated wealth to found
home for ex-cow punchers If dis
pleased.
And there was Aunt Lucy. Aunt
Lucy had a vitriolic tongue for a GER
cainty and had been using 1t vigorous
| Iy for 81 years. 1t would never do tn
displease her. ;
Father wanted to call the baby
Sammy; mother wanted to name It
Horace; sister Ella wanted it called
Butler, after a boy she knew, up in
Michigan, and brother, aged ten.
wanted to call it Jeffries.
It was an awful situation, especially
Is Uncle Bob was in town and had
news Of his own concerning names for
Soy babies He thought father was
| nearer right than the others, but pre-
erred the name Gladstone.
1t was family conference that was
illed with stickers. 1t took four
hours, and though the family sat at
The table nobody ate any dinner
Everybody glared at everybody elsez
Ind spoke little.
Then some neighbors came in, and
added to the merriment. Each had
Fiews
Finally Uncle Bob, IN DESPERATION
suggested that the names be written
On slips Of paper and if any two weres
alike that should be the name. Them
1e privately took little Alice Perkins.
neighbor's child, aside and promised
her a box of chocolates If she's write
Gladstone on a piece of paper and
irop 1t in the bowl designed for the
purpose.
Then the names were written and
dropped into the bowl, and when the
count was taken there were II slips OF
paper and II names represented.
why didn't you do as I told your
demanded Uncle Bob Indignantly OF
the neighbours child.
II would. Mister Bob" she said, but
couldn't spell Gladstone. You didn't
tell me. So l wrote Gladys-it's lots
prettier, anyway"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
PROPOSE ON KNEES
ALSO KISS YOUR LADY LOVES
HAND.
Fashion in Vogue in the Early Vic
torian Period Is Revived in Eng
land After a Lapse of
20 Years.

Young men intending to propose
should do so on their knees-if the!
wish to follow fashions dictates.
They should also, when meeting
women In the drawing room, lightly
kiss their hands and perform other
courtesies Of the early Victorian PEI
Rod. Such is the new style Of man
ners which are becoming fashionable
again IN England, or at least in Lon!
don society, after a lapse of so OF
10 years.
One OF the most beautiful women
n London, and well known In the
social world, has Just confessed that
her nance proposed to her on his
knees.
The act was so gracefully done
that could not refuse him." she TOLD
1 friend
Other girl friends of mine have
told me of similar experiences. What
can possibly have Influenced the young
man Of the present day to act in ssch
4 manner? Brusque, unconventional
almost rude manners have hitherto
distinguished him. These gentle
courtesies and old-fashioned graces
make woman's life doubly happy.
hope every man will follow the ex.
ample Of my f1ance and otherwise i'm.
prove his manners"
4 wen-known expert on dramatic
art said she certainly agreed that
the manners of men were i'm.
proving.
1T must be admitted" she contin.
ued, that there is room for improve.
ment. For several years past the
attitude of young men toward women
has been almost disrespectful. Only
few days ago l had a pleasant sur.
prise. A young man meeting me grace
fully kissed my hand. He did 1t in
quiet, transformations way, as nicely
as If he had been a gallant of a cen.
fury ago.
i have noticed similar signs of i'm.
provement among other young men,
in what one might call School for Scan
dali manners. In that play the gal
lantry Of the men toward the women
is an object lesson to all. A man who
proposes on his knees-a form of pro
posal which is stated to be reviving-
Is doing the natural thing. He Is ask
ing great favor of the lady-a favor
so great that unconsciously takes the
form Of prayer.
Il have often heard it remarked
that stage proposals-where a man
falls on his knees before the WON
an he loves-are not true to life. But
more men propose on their knees now
adays than people dream of. The
casual offhand proposals, which are
stated to be common, are dying out,
And Londoners so badly need a re-
turn of fine manners! 1t is not mere
ly the fault of the men. Women, by
competing with men and standing W
for their rights are liable to lose
their privileges and sanctity as
women"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
CHAPTER II.

And to the cousin in America, with
nine children!" said Agatha
Not so very much" 1 said. He's
very well off, they say. All those
Americans are. Besides that, Ter
hune's really got more right to the
stuff than he has! a nephew is much
nearer than a third cousin, you
know"
Not if he isn't married, apparent
Iy,'' remarked Dearest, but knew she
only said it to tease me.
20, come, now!" I expostulated:
you know you aren't going to stick
up for a wild westerner from the
American backwoods."
Wherever they may be-" put in
my wife, who has spent the greater
part of her life in the states and is
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Knew the Remedy

auttymobile with a real friendly fell
Ter behind the goggles. When the
teller found out that my outfit wuz
stationary fer the time bein', what do
you s'pose he up an done? Grabbed
a monkey wrench, an oil can an a
hammer, crawied under my wagon,
made a noise like a b'iler factry, an
may l be tetotally honswoggled If that
there boss name didn't stand up like
a porkypine's an he made tracks so
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
An unintended Error.

The Critic-In the twelfth chapter
of your novel you say. "As Clifford
Dangerneld came slowly up the long
garden walk, Clarissa, with maidenly
admiration, gazed upon him"
The Author-Well. isn't that ala
right?
The Critic-Hardly. How can Clar-
tssa gaze" after she has been blind.
ed?
The Author-After she has been
blinded? What are you talking about?
The Critic-Why, In the previous
chapter, In which you describe elf.
lords planning mill, you say, For
long fascinating minute Clarissa rest
ed her beautiful brown eyes upon the
swiftly revolving buzz saw"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
different Now. of CourSa-

Civil service reform has given US
a splendid army Of civil servants. It
wasn't always So" The speaker,
Mayor Whitlock of Toledo, smiled.
when l was writing my first short
stories" he resumed, 1--WE had civil
servants Of a different stamp. An
elderly resident Of my native Urbana.
back in those days. sought out his
congressman.
Congressman, he said support
ed you at the polls, and now expect
you to get my boy a good civil service
job
"'AIl right, friend the congress
nan answered. What can your boy
dor
Dor snorted the other. What can
ae do? By crinus! man, If he could
10 anything, do you think I'd be
oothering your"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29

"IlI be burned IL I didn't have to
laugh good an hard at one Nv them
there autty-lunatic, although l didn't
feel much like snickerin' at the time"
said Farmer Chinfuzz to the other
soap-box warmers in the cross roads
store; ian here's the answer: On
nv WY down to the county seat the
boss baked good an stubborn fer
spell an in the midst Nv my rippin'
an snortin' along comes big red
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Referendum.

When the time came for the re-
domination of member of a southern
legislature the member sauntered
Town to the corner store one night to
iound out the opinion Of the townsmen
Is to whether he could be sent back
% the capital of his state as a law.
maker
We'll, boys" he said to the assem-.
oled politicians, what about TT"
There was an embarrassing pause.
Speak right out, fellows" he en-.
,ouraged the meeting
ITO tell the truth, Sam" said one of
he crowd, we've decided that, 1udg-
ng f. I'm what thu hyuh county got
out of the legislature while you were
there we mought as well have writ g
etter."-Popular Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
fast I'm thinkin' Nv trainin' him fer
the ring speedin' ct next county fair.
b'gosh. "-Illustrated Sunday Maya.
zine.
His Reason,

so you are in favor of the women
having the ballot?" we say.
Yes" he replies. You see. nv
wife is one of the suffrage agitators.
and if the women get the ballot she
will able to be at home some of the
time to run the house and look after
the children. Life.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Feminine.

What is Mrs. Green crying for?"
Mrs. Watson snubbed her in the
street carr"
But Mrs. Green doesn't speak to
Mrs. Watson, anyhow"
81 know, but. she's crying because
she didn't see Mrs. Watson in time to
gnub her first"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Ever on the Job.

The American coast looked so beau
tiful to the returning tourist that she
clapped her hands and exclaimed:
Il declared"
And up from a shadow there Ioomed
the inevitable customs officer. "At
your service, madam" he announced.
What is 1t you wish to declare?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Great, Ind eed,

Il would like to ask you one more
question" said the youth.
Let 1t come" rejoined the home
grown philosopher.
When" queried the youth, would
you say that a man has achieved
greatness?''
When he deserves his own opin,
ion Of himself" answered the b. z. D.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
piscoura Ged.

did any girl ever propose to you?'
she asked.
Yes. One"
why didn't you marry herr"
IT would not think of marrying
girl who proposed to me-"
Then she drew a deep sigh and
said no more.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Would Cause Much W-Itino,

Bacon see it Is said that all the
Russian railway stations keep com.
plant books, where passengers may
enter various protests.
Egbert-If that plan we're adopted
In this country, l fear writer's cramp
would be far more common than it Ia
now.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Social SIiohts,

Mrs. Jangle says she can remem-
Der when that fashionable Cunro1
family didn't know where the next
meal was coming from
Well" replied Miss Cayenne. TITS
evident she didn't invite them to dine
with her then; so there's no reason
why they should invite her now"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
SIurrino the Biscuit

Thanks Ter ue biscuit, mum, re.
marked Dusty Rhodes, but you mis-.
take me srrand in dis community"
What dye mean?"
I'm studying social conditions, not
geology"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Has Adyzptades

Subbubs-Swamph urst is the most
unhealthy place In the world. Since
we have lived there my wife can
scarcely speak above a whisper.
Henpeckke-Gee! Do you suppose
could get house out there
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
A Roland For An Oliver,

81 hate to see my landlord come
around. He acts like perfect shark. 3
We'll, you're equal to him. aren't
you?"
How do you mean7''
Don't you meet him with a wail7
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
Oftener.

Docto-Take this medicine after
each meal
Pattent-But my meals come mighty
unreg1ar, doc.
Doctor-Well, take It before each
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
onened His Eyes

How long has Biffkins been view
ing with alarm?
Ever since he became the father
of twins"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29
He Had Reason.

In illustrating a point he wished to
make at political gathering in the
west, noted politician told of an cpl
taph which an Indiana man had caused
to be inscribed upon the monument oil
his wife, who had died after a some
what tempestuous married life. Thi,
legend read:
Here lies a wife Tears cannot
bring her back. Therefore her hus.
band weeps. "-Harper's Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-09-29

Next to lecture, advice is about
the most useless thing.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1910-06-22
Victory Was Easy
For Clever
HarIemite.
SIX ROUNDS

Before a throng that packed the
Club Vendome to the roof in New
ark last night, Tommy Murphy, who
formerly trained at Fords, easily won
his fight from Battling Hurley, of
Passaic, 1t was a six-round session.
throughout which the clever Harlem
lite demonstrated conclusively that
he could whip the Passaic Battler.
Fight fans who witnessed their
meeting at the Empire. A. G. a few
months ago. saw more even fight
and some were then inclined to
think that Tommy had nothing on
the Battler. Hurley is young and
there is no doubt that he Is a conner
but anyone who thought he could
put Murphy away. while the latter
Is going his present pace, had their
fears allayed last night.
Hurley's only round was the
fourth. He cut and jabbed. the New
Yorker in the stomach, but Tommy
there used his cleverness to good
advantage. Murphy was first and
last to land and he gave the Battler
considerable punishment Hurley's
left eye, injured last Friday, when
he was butted by his sparring part
ner, bled from the opening Murphy
was without mark at the finish. In
the beginning Tommy drove one in
to Hurley's jaw that ratified the lat
ter. They slugged in close and ac-
tion was lively Hurley came back
strong in the second round, though
the Harlemite visitor lead by mar
gin. Hurley scored on close work
Tommy used his left hook to good
advantage and the Passaic boy went
to slugging.
Murphy administered big punish
ment in the third. AT the beginning
they fought like demons. Hurley
went after Murphy in killing style;
Murphy stepped aside and Hurley
went through the ropes. Continued
tabbing coupled with right upper
cut, was Hurley's punishment in
the opening of the fourth round. but
he came back strong, landing heav-
lily on the. New Workers. anatomy.
The fifth session came as near be-
longing to the Jerseyite. Murphy
started to cut him up at the outset;
Murphy was caught in the mid-sec-
tion and moved away. Murphy
seemed willing to clinch and honors
were almost even. The final sixth
was Murphy's round. He slipped to
his knees, but was quickly up and
doing things to Hurley.
Tommy Tracy, OF Jersey City. and
frankie Mango, classed In the semi
final with Victory for the Jersey
lite.
Perth Amboy evening news., 1910-06-22
EVENING NEWS SPORTING PAGE
D. s. A. C. TO
MEET SOUTH
RIVER TEAM

Sunday afternoon the Danish So
ciable Athletic Club baseball team
will appear against the South River
A. c. on the latter's new grounds al
South River. The first meeting OF
these clubs this season resulted in a
victory for the D. s. A. c. crowd. II
will be warmly contested battle
this Sunday, for It is to be played on
more lively grounds and the South
River club has been strengthened
considerably. 1t is probable that
Alec Oleson, formerly of this city.
will heave 'em over for the South
River aggregation. AL. Reichart is
the regular twirler OF this team.
The South River aggregation has
last but two out Of seven games
played thus far this season. 1t has
defeated the Lyceum F. c., OF this
city; the Vons, of New Brunswick
Spotswood B. B. c.; Ravens, of New
Brunswick. and the Trenton +. G.
The Danish Sociable team will &C
in to ayenge its defeat of last Sun
day. 1t will appear in strong form
with Eddie Koehler in the box. Ma
rinus promises no more disastrous
misjudgments, so that everything
points to another victory for the
Danes.