The San Francisco call., 1910-07-24


AS causes-or excuses-for happiness
In marriage, the following arguments
were advanced. 1t will be observed
that the first three of these have been
advanced as causes of unhappiness also:
No children
Different outlook toward life
Diversity OF temperament"
Similarity of tastes"
Common sense"
"Congeniality."
"Love and loyalty
Never smoked cigarettes"
Willingness to overlook each others
J weaknesses"
.Unselfshness."
\ Industry
"Keeping up courting." y
mo effort on either side to conquer
or dominate
Good health, good habits. good cook
ing"
Had no fool notions of bliss
Mutual concessions and compro-
misses
Even temper"
Mutual tolerance.
Mother and father of seven healthy
children"
Each ready to sacrifice to make the
other happy"
= Early poverty"
sympathy. appreciation. companion
ship"
"A gentle courtesy of department"
striving to bring comfort and en-
joyment to others. instead OF seeking
it for ones self"
The other reasons assigned were
merely variations of these Twenty
of the 62 happy correspondents indi-
Gated. congeniality in their replies; 20
OF the rest attributed the result to
unselfshness or sacrifice in one form
or another.
We come now to the answers to the
question, What advice would you give
to q young man or woman about to
marry2 On this point letters were
not lacking. everybody, happy or un-
happy, gave advice and plenty of It.
and all seemed to know just what
young person should do to attain the
utmost felicity in married life. Some
OF the suggestions were quite pfthy.
do not let too much modesty or
too great reticence keep couples from
full understanding before marriage"
"Give and forgive; bear and forbear,"
Curb your temper; suppress your
vanity"
avoid the first quarrel"
Don't marry before 3d."
Read romantic novels less, study the
cookbook more"
Marry as soon as the man can earn
SIS q week.
Purchase advice from honest physi-
clans acquainted with both parties, and
follow it"
Make the wife the head OF the
house" CA man made this suggestion.)
do nottry to change your part
ners character. but pay all attention to
perfecting your own"
"Do~not expect perfection"
Love and be tolerant"
Don't take life too seriously"
avoid luxury"
DO not abandon all reserves"
"SelfishnesS is the bane of married
life"
'Punch's adyice-'Don't.'"
Never spend a dollar until you have
earned it."
'If' there be both esteem and love,
marry by all means"
Don't marry until you are sure you
can love another better than yourself" :"
One of the leading lawyers Of New
York city, whose note paper carried
his name, wrote as follows:
IT would advise young people not to
marry II too nearly the, same age. My
experience as man and lawyer is that
most unhappiness and most divorces
occur between young people who have
not sufficient difference of age between
A oh IN v,xy ,ir,1D t~a
at least Is years older than his wife.
am 10 years older than my wife, but
In my family are examples of happiness
where q greater difference of age ex-
lists. My eldest brother is 80 years
older than his wife. and they are ex-
ceptionally happy. A woman who is
much younger than her husband looks
up to him more as her friend and guide
than II she were tho same age or older"
Among others. tho following sug-
gestions are noteworthy:
Don't regard words said by your
wife in haste when she may be suffer-
man. Be careful that your own words
are not such as to lead to misunder-
standing. If you have differences-and
few have not-do not allow them to
grow into estrangement, whether you
are In the wrong or not. Remember,
you asked Qer TO marry, yOus SQ6 did
not ask you to marry her,"
'.The most important thing Is that
there should be absolute harmony in
the home Love and be tolerant This
Is ALL Sympathize,s even though you
may not quite understand. Never try
to make the other see things as you
see them; persuade lovingly, If it seems
best but If that fails recognize the
sovereignty of the individual and quiet
,Iy desist. Above all. don't expect an
angel for partner; the angels are. all
In heaven. We are all faulty, and be-
long right here on earth. When you
begin to see faults. remember how
many you have yourself. and treat his
or her faults as you would like your
own treated Cultivate cheerfulness.
tolerance, temperance, tenderness and
love. love, love through everything"
1T advise young people to marry, and
not to defer marriage too lo~g. would
discourage hasty or -inconsiderate mar
riages. but believe in the sharing Of
sacrifices. II two young people rea-
sonably we'll adapted to each other
agree on their fundamental aims and
purposes. very nearly everything else
can be overcome. have married sew
eral hundred young people Che is a