davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
ALav From "chantecIer." :"

"Biarritz is on the tumultuous bay Of
Biscay, and Cambo. where Rostand
lives, is only a dozen miles behind
Biarritz. a placid village in the Basque
country"
The speaker was a Philadelphia jour
nalist
Il tried to interview Rostand in his
Basque home" he went on, but it
was useless. did see his son, though.
The young man talked excellent Eng
lish.
HE cracked a lot of jokes about his
fathers rooster play, pretending that
they We're all jokes from the text.
Why, he even declared that the play
opened with Chantecler, the rooster,
calling one OF his older wives aside
and saying:
my dear, you must beware. The
farmer told the cook this morning that
he would have chicken for dejeuner.
He's laying for you now
"'Well. love- sighed the hen, 4 sup
pose I've no right TO object. I've been
laying for him, you know, these many
years."
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Effects of Bad Roads.

In a letter from Prof. George r.
Chatburn, head of the department of
applied mechanics of the University
of Nebraska, he states: I'm my twen-
ty-hve years experience in Nebraska
/ have never seen the roads as bad as
at present. During the month of No
vember we had the unprecedented
rainfall of nearly 10 inches; If we add
the last week in October and the first
in December we will have at least two
more The mud had been worked up
to such a state of Elasticity that |
have seen wagons on the streets of
Lincoln with the wheels apparently
solid. While in this condition there
came freeze and a foot of snow on
top Of that. The roads are impossible
for anything except very light loads.
Coal dealers, instead OF delivering in
2.ton lots, are delivering in half-ton
lots to houses of the paved streets.
Hay has risen from 81 to $l4 per ton,
eggs, butter, and other farm products
are cut of sight"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
RoADsA1s2.o] (
ROADMAkING ~ ~
,c''SWpT
ROAD WATER DITCH.
Suggestions BY New York Highway
Superintendent.

Fred. G. Evans, superintendent OF
highways in Tompkins County, New
York. is constantly advising the town
superintendent of his county concern
ing methods and details which shall
enable them to do more effective work
Figure No. /. illustrates his idea Of
the form of a ditch which must carry
water for any considerable distance.
1t should be we'll below the base line
of the road and deep and narrow. II
the soil is soft it should be paved with
cobble stones.
Figure No. shows a ditch which
he considers proper for the treatment
of a wet. or swampy place. This ditch
is for the upper side of the road, and
should be broad and comparatively
shallow, so that the water will seep
into it from the contiguous soil, and
be carried off.
Figure No. represents a cheap
number of which have already been
put in on the earth roads of Tompkins
County. 1t is a culvert made of field
stones, built over a collapsible form.
the stones being laid in mortar. The
forms are made in two parts, meeting
at the apex of the arch. and temporar-
lily fastened at the bottom by a strip
of board nailed across. Under each
side of the form is a blocking which,
when knocked or pulled out permits
the forms to collapse to an extent that
/ they can easily be removed. The
forms are made in sections, all on the
same radius, so that the culverts may
/ be made of any desired size according
/ to the number of sections used.
The economy of this culvert, ac.
cording to Mr.. Evans, lies in the fact
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
A Defeated Consciencs.

George w. Martin, secretary of the
Kansas State Historical society, tells
story about an early day Kansas JUS
tice of the peace who will be nameless
here:
This j. P.," said Mr. Martin, would
marry a couple one day as justice of
the peace and divorce them the next
as notary public"
One time, as the story ran, a man
surrendered himself to this j. p.
"An' phwat's the matterT" asked the
judge
II killed a man out here on the prai-
rie in fight" was the reply. Il want
to give myself up"
"You did kill him, sorF" asked the
j. p.
'Yes, sir" was the reply.
'FWho saw youT asked the ]. P.
"Nobody."
AN nobody saw you kill imF"
"No, sir. Just we two were there"
"An' you're sure nobody saw your"
reiterated the j. p.
"Of course I'm sure" was the reply.
"Thin you're discharged" said the j.
p. bringing his fist down on the table.
you're discharged. You can't 'crimi-
nate yourself. Fifty dollars, pleaser-
Kansas City Journal.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

The Truce of God" was introduced
by the clergy of Guienne around about
the year 1880. 1t was adopted in
Spain about 1850, in England about
1880 According to this famous
treaty, a cessation of all violent quar-
rels was enjo:ned. under heavy penal
ties, during all church festivals, and
from every Wednesday evening until
the following Monday morning. This
left only about eighty days in the
year available for shooting and stab
bing ones neighbors. The truce seems
to have accomplished much good, not
withstanding the fact that it was very
imperfectly observed.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Tire Horses OF ST. Mark.

They were taken from Chlos in the
fourth century by the Emperor Theo-
dosius. and placed in the great hippo
drome at Constantinople. whence they
were taken by the Venetlans in the
year 1904 Venice and Constantinople
were bitter rivals in trade, and large
ly through Venetian latrigue and d.
plomacy the Fourth Crusade was turn
ed from it's original purpose into that
of the capture and practical destruc.
ton of the splendid city on the Bos.
phorus; thus making It possible, later
on. for the Turks to establish them.
selves on the continent of Europe. It
was during the sack OF the city by the
Crusaders that it was despoiled Of its
famous horses by the Venetians.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

pose you never had a dissatisfied sum
mer boarder.
Uncle Hiram--One.
Uncle Silas-Oh. you did have one.
did you?
Uncle Hiram-Yes; he was a fellow
that wrote jokes for the comic papers.
and be was sore when he found out
that there wasn't any chance at our
house for that kind of material.-Bos-
ton Herald
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
A Hibernian Hint.

The Hoe. Joseph II. Choate, former
ly our ambassador TO England, tells
the following story, crediting the same
TO a political speech made by Sir Hen
ry Campbell-Bannerman:
A head OF house had complained
to three friends-an Englishman, an
Irishman and Seot-that his servant
broke a great deal Of china.
The matter Of fact Englishman gave
the short bit OF practical advice, "Dis-
miss him."
"'Take it out Of his wages" spoke
the thrifty Scot.
Objection to the latter course was
made ON the ground that the wages
were less than the amount OF dap-
ages. The Irishman at once came to
the rescue with:
Then raise his wages"-Judge.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
The Rntort Courteous.

"Camp-meeting" John Allen was "a
famous Methodist preacher and re.
vivalist OF the old days down in Maine,
and like most successful pulpit ora
tors. his sense of humor was equal to
his grit of speech.
It is recalled by the Boston Journal
that on one occasion the old gentle.
mans wife was getting into a carriage,
and he neglected to assist her.
You are not as gallant, John, as
when you were boy" she exclaimed,
In gentle rebuke.
NO" was his ready response, "and
you are not as buoyant as when you
were a gall"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
His Natural Bent,

"What are you hollerin at me for?"
demanded the offended one, turning
about. IF you wish to go ahead why
don't you turn out and go ahead? The
sidewalk is wide"
Excuse me-" said the other. 1T
was force of habit | am a motor
man."-Buffalo Express.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

nine or ten feet to the left, and it was
from the blackest shadow that my
friend had to make his best speech.
Naturally, at the end Of the act, he
Indignantly asked the limelight man
why the deuce the light hadn't been
thrown where it belonged.
ely in the way the limelight man
answered, biting a chew from a plug
of tobacco.
"'Why didn't you move the fly,
thenT shouted my friend.
''The limelight man rolled his to-
bacco to the other cheek, looked at my
friend dreamily and drawled as he
turned on his heel,
"If ye could act 1 guess ye wouldn't
want no limelight.'
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

Plans of a Road Watch Ditch.

Plans OF a Road Watch Ultch'
that the material costs practically
nothing, and the labor can be per-
formed by unskilled persons, without
taking much time. Stones are plenty,
and can be had for the picking; every
farmer has a little lime about, and
sand is prevalent, so that their con-
struction is easy.
Many of these culYerts have already
been installed, on the earth roads of
the county, and Mr.. Evans expects
that they will shortly displace the
plank sluices and culverts on the
more remote roads, and be occasional
ly used on the improved roads.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
His Little Yarn.

81 thought you were going to take
me to the grand opera?".
well. you see, l ordered two seats
in the front row."
Good enough"
'But then they had to take the first
row out to make room for the orches-
ira. louisville Courier Journal.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
White Horse of KiIburn.

The biggest artificial horse in the
world is the famous white horse Of
Kilburn, England. which was formed
fifty years ago by a native of Kilburn,
who cut away the turf in the correct
form and covered it with limestone.
The whole occupies about two acres
Of ground and may be seen twenty
miles away. 1t is said that twenty
persons can sit on the EYE" of the
horse.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
HOW THE NoRMANs DiNEo.
Princes and esrons Lived as sump-
tuously as the Monks OF Old.

Princes and esrons Lived as sump-
tuously as the Monks Of old.
The Normans dined at in the
morning and supped at 8. the Dundee
Advertiser says. The tables OF the
princes, prelates and great barons
were sumptuously furnished with
every delicacy they could procure
from foreign parts. The monks of
Canterbury had seventeen dishes
every day. besides dessert; and the
monks of st. Swithin's. in Winchester,
complained to Henry H. against their
abbot for taking away three dishes
they had previously been allowed.
Thomas a. Beckett gave e5 (equiva-
lent to $15 OF our money! for a dish
Of cells. When this proud prelate
went on a journey he had in his train
eight wagons. each drawn by five Of
the strongest horses. Two of these
wagons contained ale. one the furni-
ture of his chapel, another the furni-
ture Of his kitchen; the others were
filed with provisions. clothes and 9th
er necessaries. He had besides,
twelve pack horses carrying trunks
containing his money plate, books
and the ornaments of the altar. To
each of the wagons was chained a
fierce mastiff, and on each of the pack
horses an are or r-0nkey.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
His Pull.

"Does that ere thin, stoop shoul-
dered, dyspeptic lookin' drummer that
you bought so much from today sell
any better or cheaper goods than the
terday?" inquired Hi Spry.
"Don't know as he does" confessed
the Squam Corners merchant, but his
views on the criminal rapacity of the
trusts are a whole lot sounder."-
Puck.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Probably Not.

"You do not kiss as sweetly as the 9th ID
girls 1 know"
sah to Ret the goat of her whom Ia
allowed TO beau.
'Noh. don't II" said the maiden. lifting Up
her eyes OF blue,
'Thats funny! All the other boys ! go
with say / do"
Cleveland Leader.
She handed you that. did she? That was
hardly just the thing.
That must have reused your dander some
and left little sting.
But perhaps the boys she spoke Of. we
might make little note.
Had not kissed the gentle maiden since
she had obtained the goat
Houston Post.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
A Love Feast.

Fat Manicure growing stout
Lean Man-And you're getting thin.
Whereupon they shook hands, smil-
ed, and each mentally declared the
other fellow "a bully good friend."-
Lippincott's.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Remind Him of Business,

Gunner There goes the tobacco
king. He is a multimillionaire.
Guyer-Then it's queer he doesn't
drive a better team. Those horses
look like a pair of plugs.
Gunner-Well, / guess he thinks
pair of plugs is appropriate in his busi-
ness.-Chicago News.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Touchinu Verse,

At first she touches up her hair
To see If it's I'm place,
And then with manner debonair
She touches up her face.
A touch to curls behind her ear,
A touch to silken collar,
And then she's off to hubby dear
To touch him for a dollar.
New Orleans Times Democrat
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Sadness.

Sad thoughts may come to him who sees
Some day his first gray hair,
But sadder yet
His thoughts, you bet.
Who sees amid his crown of jet
spot that's growing barrel
Detroit Free Press.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Eruitless Research.

"That scientist spent many hours of
his life in fruitless research"
"In what line?"
Trousers. You see, his wife always
went through them the night before"
Judge.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Another Version,

Mary had a little lamb,
A Persian lamb. by cricky!
It's fleece was warm in winters storm
And curly like and sticky.
But when Miss Mary needed coin
She sold it for a dollar,
And soon the lambkin turned into
An actors topcoat collar.
Chicago News.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
From the Seat of the scornfuI

Jack and Joey at the managerie
watched the hon eat sugar from the
trainers hand with equal interest but
differing inference.
"Oh!" gasped Joey, round-eyed.
POOH said Jack. II could do
that"
What! You?"
"Of course! Quite as well as that
old lion"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

Rock-a-by, baby on the treetop.
If you cut down the forests the baby will
flop,
And when the trees tumble the babies will
fall.
So put up your ak and don't chop them
at ALI
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
A Theory.

"Why do you believe in long en-
gagementsT
"Well, 1 think that a girl should re-
main her lovers ideal as long as pos
sible. ."-Cleveland Leader.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
NEW SHORT STORIES
Retort of the Limeliqht Man.

Forbes Robertson at dinner in New
York praised the American critical
sense.
"But," he said, signing, isn't your
criticism in its clarity and directness
too cruel sometimes?
81 remember n brother actor who
played one night in a small western
town. At the climax of the third act
of his play the limelight was always
thrown upon him. In this town, how
ever, the limelight man shot the light
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
The Unreasonable One.

He growled because they wouldn't give
him rope"
An set the little settlement a-hummin'
But ef they'd tried to pinch him
An take him out an lynch him
l bet you he'd have had kick a-comin'! U!
Atlanta Constitution.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Served Her Riaht.

Little Bopeep,
She lost her sheep,
According TO nursery books.
All, sad was her lot,
But that's what she got
For associating with crooks!
New York Times.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Double Trouble.

The futist had the flu quite bad,
The unfortunate galoot,
So as he could not toot himself
He sent a sub-to-toot.
Boston Transcript.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Queer State Of Affairs.

We are told that love is blind.
Yet we know tits true
That love oan see upon one chair
6ufncient room for two.
Chicago News.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29
IMAGINARY
CRIMINALS"

Some of the choice expressions found in his defense
"Muckraking.''
"Penny -a-ner.'
''Vagaries.'
"Faddists"
''Sentimentalsts."
''Ferment of uncertainty and ALARM
No of these expressions however, applied to
Cunningham who that Taft is greater man than
Roosevelt to any of the protected by the Bager
policy. He does make of another term This is
Imaginary criminals"
Who they? Why doesn't he name them? ''Those
who do not become hysterica Ballnger cover the
tales of dire calamity and calmly ask for facts charged
with being in league with accompices Of these magn-
airy criminals.
That is, the Imaginary criminals are the who
are stealing the land, lumber. water coal ETC. From the
Balnger viewpoint they ''imaginary.''
Then Banger gets down a statement of what he is
at "There is discretion supervisory power
tive control except in the execution of specific general
laws
That MEANS if it means anything, that Banger still be-
lieves that executive officer do nothing unless
gress has first found out in detail just what he should do
and has put instruction into the statute books which
the officer cannot fail to read
But really do men in high position-even cabinet off
cers-who fail to the public, deserve to be called
''imaginary criminals?
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29

CHICAGO, Jan. 2g-The question
OF providing for Chicagos poor is
becoming almost as serious as the
same question in London. The great
January cold wave that spent its
force on the ragged, starved multi
tude revealed an appalling state of
affairs. among this city's destitute
and hopeless inadequacy of the
means to provide for them.
Each winter for the past 10 years
the number of poverty stricken peo-
pie has increased greatly. This
year more than 10000 half starved,
poorly sheltered and partly clad
men, women and children applied to
the county agent and United Chart
ties for relief. Some of them had
not tasted food for days. Many
shivered in light summer apparel
while zero blasts penetrated their
rags. Hundreds of them gave their
places of abode as barns and empty
buildings.
Little children, with emaciated
faces, shriveled bodies and thin
limbs admitted they had been liv-
| ing on the contents Of garbage
! boxes for months. The poor who
occupied flats or rooms were aris-
tocrats among their class. MANY
| of these told the county agents that
their miserable habitations were en-
tirely devoid of heat. But little re-
lief could be given them. since a
coal famine made it difficult for
even employed wage earners to
buy fuel
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29

These wan specters Of want were
mostly anemic children, middle
aged women with shawls over their
small and misshapen heads, and
trembling old men.
The procession of woeful paupers
before the windows of the county
agents office was continuous for
five weeks. 1t remained there
throughout the long, cold nights. If
the police dispersed the ragged ag-
gregation, the old men, bent women
and shivering children scurried
away like rats at the approach of a
dog. and remained in hiding until
the police We're out of sight. Then
they rushed back to reform the line
with the eagerness and ferocious
competition of starving animals.
1t is estimated that Chicago's
poor population is fully 100000 per
sons. London has an estimated pau
per population of 100000 Chicago
Is the American city that bids fair
to become in this respect the Lon
don Of the United States.
The most eloquent evidence OF
the desperation that increases daily
among these despairing victims of
a maladministered society is the
startling number of suicides. When
the reports are--daily made to the
coroner's office of the self destruc-
ton of workingmen who. have
| reached the age limit Of 45 years
, and are unemployed, no further
motive is looked for.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29

The American Druggist credits
Dr. Arthur T. Holbrook with the
following:
A man by the name of Evans
died and went to heaven. When
ne arrived at the pearly gates he
said to St. Peter:
We'll, I'm here
ST. Peter asked his name. John
Evans" was the reply
st. Peter looked through the
book and shook his head.
You don't belong here" he
said.
But I'm sure I belong here"
said the man.
Wait a minute" said Peter. He
looked again. and in the back part
of the book found the name.
Sure" said the guardian of the
gate, you belong here, but you
weren't expected for twenty years.
Who's your doctOr?'
J. Campbell White, secretary of
the laymen's missionary move
ment, during his work for missions
lldS ldd ditVl CAp-i
but one he had in mining camp
in Montana some years ago gives
him much amusement when he re-
verts to the story, says the Phila-
delphia Press.
There was a German emigrant
in the camp who had received a
letter from home. He was Hitter
ate and no one in the camp under
stood enough German to read the
letter to him. He was, of course,
overjoyed to learn that Mr. White
could read German.
AS the missionary began the
man from the banks of the Rhine
claped his hand over Mr., Whites
ears.
What are you trying to do?"
exclaimed Mr.. White, after he had
been able to free his ears from
the fellows palms.
Dot letter vas from mine girl.
hold your ears so you don't hear
vat in it vas" was the reply.
DR. Harry Little Laycock. of
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29
. . = = = = . . = = = = = . 80
. GOING UP! .
q . q . = q 80 = q - 80

1t is all very well to investigate
the cost of living, but what most
people are interested in is in having
somebody reduce it.-Philadelphia
North American.
Professor Whitney says the peo-
pie eat too much. Since prices got
an airship We plead Not guilty.
Atlanta Constitution.
Just as the high cost of living be-
comes almost the sole topic of con-
versation, a doctor comes along
with a proposal to cut out the stOm-
ach That seems like a practical
solution of part of the trouble at
least.-Detroit Free Press.
The cost of living has hit Presi-
dent Taft No wonder the depart
ments have been ordered to get
Observation-Disclosures Inquirer.
WOrkingmen in Cleveland have
pledged themselves to do without
meat for month or more in order
to bring down the price. 1t looks
as if this would be an easy resolu-
ton to fulfill, providing prices keep
soaring. After getting meat down
to a reasonable level. the Cleveland
workingmen will confer a favor on
a suffering public by tackling eggs.
Times.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-01-29
CAUGHT AT
THE CURB

In breadth, length and thickness
he didn't vary very much. And he
had smile that shone like Kohl
moor in the mass Of crusty passen-
gers and crustier conductor on a
crowded car that crawled west
ward during the rush hour. The
radiance of his smile wasn't
dimmed in the slightest by the
many stops that irritated the con-
ductor and everybody else.
When the conductor called the
street upon which the bulky man
lived, the latter made his way to
the door with a series of lurches
that would have made poetic
waddle under any other conditions.
Gingerly he began to slide down
the steps. The conductor lost his
patience and snarled:
Come on, come on; get Off"
The big fellow hesitated, turned
toward the conductor and smiled
seraphically and said:
cant come on ana get OH at
the same time"
Passengers expected the general
expansion due to laughter to burst
the car.
1t was evident by his every re-
mark that he was from a strictly
rural district. He ambled along
the street like one of those make
up rubes" advertising public
dance.
where's the postoffice, Bud?"
he asked a newsbOy. The stranger
was pointed out the federal struc-
ture. After he had walked up and
down the corridor several times
he was accosted by the corridor
custodian. What are you look
ing for?"
"Where the deuce is your store?"
asked the ruralite. 81 want to get
plug O. terbacker and | allus like
to patronize the government"