davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Was Getting Monotonous.

A handsome woman who had been
50 unfortunate as to find occasion to
divorce not one but several husbands
was returning from Nevada. In Chi
cago she happened to meet her first
husband. for whom, by the way, she
always has entertained a real affec.
ton.
upon my soul, If it isn't Charlie!"
exclaimed the ex-wife, cordially shak-
ing hands with the gentleman whose
name she had formerly borne I'm
awfully glad to see you. Charlie!"
Then, after wistful expression had
come to and been banished from her
countenance, she added:
"Old chap. I've often wondered
where you were and what you were
doing. 1t was too bad we didn't get
on better together. l hope your ex-
perience hasn't been as unpleasant as
mine. I'm sick and tired of mar
rying strangersi"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
She Probably Could,

Senator La Toilette, apropos of GER
tain scandals, said at dinner in Mad
ison: "These things recall the legisla-
tor who remarked to his wife, with a
look of disgust: One of those land
lobbyists approached me today with
another insulting proposition
THE wife, young and pretty wom-
an, clapped her hands. oh, good!'
she cried. Then l can have that sable
stole, after ALL can't I, dear?'"
The Most Noticeable Change.
$50 you have lived in Europe for 25
years? That's a long time for a man
to be away from his own country"
Yes, 1t is, and I'm mighty glad to
be home again"
81 suppose you notice great manr
changes?"
yes. many"
What. If l may ask. is the greatest
change that has come to your notice?'
The greatest change, it seems to
me, is to be found in the fact that the
vice-president of the United States
succeeds in getting his name in the
papers nearly as often as he might If
he were a baseball player or a prom
Using lightweight prizef1ghter."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
In Plain Enofjsh,

"Woodman, Spare That Tree" is a
highly idealized version of an attempt
at applied conservation The principal
character comes upon a man who is
chopping down a tree, and says to
him:
Don't cut down that tree
"What?" asks the lumberman.
"You let that tree alone 1 knew II
when 1 was a little boy. I used to
play mumblepeg under 1t and 1 have a
sentimental attachment for It, so !
would kindly request that you let It
stand as 1t is'
DO you own this timberland?"
mo. but L"
well, don't pull any of that Clifford
Pinchot talk around here, young fell
Ter. The big road for yours, see?"
Which shows us that conservation
and conversation are entirely different
propositions.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
EaSV for Her,

An extremely corpulent old lady was
entertaining her grandchild at lunch
con when she found occasion to repri-
mand the little girl for dropping some
food on the tablecloth.
"You don't see grandma dropping
anything on the table," she said.
"Of course not" replied the child;
God gave you something in front to
stop It,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
A loQicaI Landlord.

Many tenant will sympathize with
the man In this story, from the Phila-
delphia Record. He was renting a
small house which the landlord had
refused to repair. One day the owner
came to see him.
Jones'" he said. "I shall have to
raise your rent"
What for?" asked Jones, anxiously.
"Have taxes gone up?"
NO." the landlord answered, "but l
see you've painted the house and put
in new range and bathtub. That, of
course, makes it worth more rent"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
AIonu the Way Of Light.

God delivers us out of evils by turn,
ing them into greater good He chast,
ems us in the world that we may not
be condemned with the world. He
turns the tears of sorrow into the
pearls of a brighter crown. By wean.
ing us from the transitory, He leads
us to the eternal. BY emptying US OF
the world, He fllls us with Himself,
He makes the way of the Cross the
way of Light. He causes us. in the
very fire. to thank Him that our light
affiiction, which is but for moment,
Is working for us far more exceed
ing and eternal weight of glory.-Dean
Farrar.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Those Dear Women.

when my husband won't buy me-
what l want" confides the first won.
an, Il cry. Then he will agree that !
may have it. just to get me to stop
crying"
Il have better plan than that"
says the second woman when my
husband thinks l shouldn't have a new
hat or dress, l smile. That works
better than tears in my case"
But" sweetly says the first WON.
an. my husband thinks I am SO pret.
ty when I smile that he will not do
anything to get me to stop"
After thinking the matter over that
evening the second woman concludes
that the first is a hateful thing.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
1h<<-G 1es1G<>
MakIno Children Strono

Strength is the one great good life
has to offer, but like most desirable
things. there is no royal road to it.
Sometimes it is only to be gained in
devious pathways which appear to
lead in quite another direction. Study
your children; thus only will you be
routes to health. Learn the strength
ening power of cold water, outdoor ex-
ercise, sleep in a cold, dark room,
early bed hours and simple meals. DO
not send for a doctor at each sneeze,
or live with clinical thermometer Ia
your hand
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
His Misfortunes,

'But why are you incarcerated
here?" asks the sympathetic lady of
the prisoner.
"Ah, madam, I had four wives liy.
ing, and was wooing lady who was
to be my fifth. when No. 4 exposed
me-"
Wretch! So you are being pun.
ished for bigamy"
mo, lady. l am being kept here
until can satisfy a judgment for
breach Of promise obtained by the
prospective No. 81
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
At the First Try-

What do you think of my dough
nuts, George?"
Dear, you are a wonder."
do you think so really. darling?'
"I certainly do. Scientists have
been trying for years to produce artifi
cial rubber. and here you do it the
crEt rattle cut OF the box
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

A passenger who was a bit of a
wag put his head out and said to the
official:
What is it. old chap"
March" said the official
"Ah, well. it may be March now.
but it was January when we started"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Gods Provinces.

Conform to Gods methods, wo.
with him, keep his statutes, believe in
his promises" and the result Of be-
coming "partakers of his nature" will
be inevitable For Gods promises"
are contingent upon our personal &C.
ton, for or against his wishes.-Rev.
J. H. Hobbs, Presbyterian, Utica, n. Y.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
"SPOHN'S."

This is the name of the greatest of all
remedies for Distemper, Pink Eye, Heaves,
and the like among all ages of horses Sold
by Druggists, Harness Makers, or send to
the manufacturers. $50 and $l.OO a bottle.
Agents wanted. Send for free book. Spohn
Medical Co.. Spec. Contagious Diseases,
Goshen, Ind.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Honesty In Worship.

It Is better to worship In barn
among social outcasts with an inferior
minister. If the ideals of that serv-
ice represent your honest convictions.
Rev Harry E. Gilchrist, Unitarian,
New Orleans.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Sensational to the Extreme.

Yes, I'm going to start a new mag.
azine," says the man with the fat
purse. but there won't be the least
bit of sensationalIsm about it. It will
be utterly different from all others"
whats your program" asks the
man with linked fingers.
mot going to expose anything. not
going to"
Huh! Right there you've outlined
one Of the most sensational plans for
modern magazines l ever heard"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
TRY MURINE EYE REMEDY

for Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes
and Granulated Eyelids. Murine Doesn't
Smart-Soothes Eye Pain. Druggists
Sell Murine Eye Remedy, Liquid. 25c.
5Oc, $100. Murine Eye Salve in
Aseptfc Tubes, 25c, $1.OO. Eye Books
and Eye Advice Free by Mail.
Murine Eye Remedy Co. Chicago.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
No Hurry.

mo FIUTTy.
What are you in such a rush
about?"
Promised to meet my wife at three
o'clock down at the corner"
'Well, there's no hurry. 1t isn't four
o'clock yet"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

Don't you notice how the man who
always wants to bet, and who says he
has a roll in his hand. invariably rolls
away?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Tin Soldiers,

Many of the professed followers Of
,hrist are of the tin soldier variety or
Ike dummies dressed in uniforms
}ev Robert L. Fletcher Methodist,
Pittsburs.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Two of a Kind.

Must be something wrong with the
organ bellows" whispered the man to
his wife at church.
"What% she asked.
''The organ bellows" he repeated.
Hump! So does the trump who ia
trying to sing soprano"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

Constipation causes and aggravates many
serious diseases. 1t is thoroughly cured by
DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. The favor
ite family laxative.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inflamma-
ton. alays pain. cures wind collie, 25c a bottle.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
E:I;EIlI|;ITI7

We often hear the expression. "as
poor as a church mouse" But even a
church mouse doesn't have to live on
the collections.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Consider This Advice.


Consider This Advice.
No woman should submit to a surgi-
cal operation, which may mean death,
until she has given Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, made exclusive
ly from roots and herbs, fair trial.
This famous medicine for women
has for thirty years proved to be the
most valuable tonic and invigorator Of
the female organism. Women resid-
ing in almost every city and town in
the United States bear willing testi-
mony to the wonderful virtue of Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
It cures female ills, and creates radi-
ant, buoyant female health. II you
those you love, give it trial.
Mrs. Pinkham. at Lynn, Mass,
invites all sick women to write
her for advice. Her advice is free,
and always helpful.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
For COLDS and GRIP

Hicks CAPUDINE Is the best remedy-re-
Heyes the aching and fevertshness-cures the
Cold and restores normal conditions. It's
hquid-effects Immediately. 10c., 25c.. and Soc.
At drug stores.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Daily Thouuht.

There is no duty we so much under
rate as being happy. By being happy
we sew anonymous benefits upon the
world which remain unknown even
ourselves -1SteVens0n.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
HayPreSS
/ RE M E NJ q g r
E0zE
: for COUGHS Z COLDS

True happiness is found in great
love manifssting itself in service
Thoreau.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

It will never rain roses. If we want
more roses we must plant more trees.
George Eliot.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Now He Knows

"On what grounds does your father
object to me?" he asked.
"On any grounds within a mile of
our house." she answered.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
To DRIVE OUT MALARIA

TO DRIVE PVT T MA'IHAhRIHAA Nit'Ifh IA THr SYSTEM
Take the 9d sa1daId TO- Eo fs
The formula Is plainly printed on every bottle,
showing it is simply Quinine and Iron in a ia ste
less form. The Quinine drives out the malaria al n,
dealers for 30 years. Price so cents
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
Travel Was Slow.

Travel Was Slow.
an excursion train started one Sat
urday for the scene of an important
football game.
This train, as is sometimes the case
with excursions, went very slowly,
and had numerous stoppages.
After a time the excursiOnists
reached a station called March, and
were brought to a stand there While
they were waiting an official was
strutting up and down the platform
calling out:
March, March,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

When 1t comes to giving uppercuts
pugilists are not in it with BARRIERS.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
For NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., GA,

Whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or
Nervous Troubles, Capudine will relieve you.
It's HquiG-pleasant to take-acts immedi.
ately. Try 1t. 10c, 25c., and 30 cents at drug
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04

could not do any Of
my housework. My
sickness was called
Retrot1exion. When
l would sit down L
felt as If I could not
ge t up. I took
Lydia E. Pinkham's
V e ge t a BILE Con-
pound and did just
as you told me and
now l am perfectly
cured, and have a
big baby boy"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser., 1910-11-04
ANOTHER
WOMAN
CURED
ByLydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

| Black Duck, Minn.-"About a year
ago I wrote you that I was sick and
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
EDITORIAL PAGE OF THE TACOMA TIMES

an opinion upon controversy"

ST do not express opinion controversy"
which
quoted of
Paul The
State control favored
all the national control by the
leaders conservation and alike
Upon the final be determined by the administration by
president of
the
nfed of
nation, ended by leading nowhere
The doctrine states feet million
armed half Now it raises its head stretches its with
hand
and them But the president
the subject.
nation with his
satesmanke the himself
conditions life.
by
gned business which has gathering
The St Paul ehed with it, The president speaks but he has
O OPT ion t
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
Ara bia n
N i g h t s
TALES OF MAGIC
AND MYSTERY
RetOld for Boys
and Girls

men were out the captain said,
shut, sesame" and the door
closed and was only a part of the
solid rock. Then all the company
went away.
Ali Bahia waited a while and
then he came down from his tree,
uttered the magic words, and en-
tered the mysterious cave. Inside
the whole thing was brilliantly
lighted. and everywhere lay bales
of rich stuffs, bags of gold and
heaps of precious gems. Evil
IDENTIFY he had found the den of
very wealthy robbers. Ali Bahia
collected as much gold as he could
carry in large bag. hid it care
fully among his fagots, and went
his way homeward, after saying
the magic Shut, sesame" When
he got home he and his wife re-
Joiced greatly at their good for
tune, and were still gloating over
1t when In ran the wife of Cassim,
his rich brother. When she saw
the wealth spread before them she
grew green with envy, but, pre-
tending great interest, she beg
ged them to tell her where they
got 1T. They, being a simple
pair, told her straightway.
Then she flew home and told the
news to her husband, and they de-
cided that on the morrow he was
to go to the cave and bring away
what he could of the treasure.
Long ere sunrise Cassim arose
the next morning and made his
way to the robbers cave, with ten
mules bearing great chests. He
reached the cave, spoke the magic
words, and entered. He looked
greedily around the cave, and
then fastened to place bags of
gold at the entrance, until he had
it heaped high. Then he turned
to go. But, alas, the magic words
of escape had gone from him, in
his greed for the gold. He sat
down on a bag of gold and tried
to think, but all in vain. And
then as he sat despairingly amid
all his wealth. he suddenly heard
the tramp of horses outside and
knew the robbers had returned.
So the greedy man is caught,
children. OF course, it is very
wrong to point moral, but see if
you can find one to fit this story,
and tomorrow we shall tell you
what happened to-poor Cassim.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
No Monopoly of Success
Wo ARE big.


We o
lively healthy smiling eountryand ARE
proud of It,
produce inventors statesmen business
financiers.
Our dispute ths-our the
handsomest
them Englishment them Oriena admire Them
But much of our hooraying does more harm than good
While is fine and patriotic be proud become
stupidity satisfied.
Growing the past does good gets nowhere To
o valuable Tapping
Instead of aterng the in the looking glass,
might better inform him that stuff after all This
might induce effort accomplishment of still
greater wonders
Anyhow, let's forget that the Irish colleen thing of
beauty That French stylish chic
cnating That English obedent modest
pedestrians That German good to look and
sentially feminine; that they make good mothers.
Men and do in all tongues, in all of the world
We have either ambition accomplishment
We have we'll
get that ARE youngsters.
We have much learn. Being young vrile,
quickly learn it, and ousp the older
too often to CROW.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07

IHUD Say, get a confession to make
SLAP: Oh, who's been the morn
ings milk off front porch?
THUD No; this something awful know
how you'll take it. But 1 have TO
SLAP: Well, go ahead be careful; mighty quick
tempered.
THrD I know you But, ON the level, this
take an innocent mistake. family,
makes 1t all the I'd befer 1t happened
SLAP: Tell what It getting nervous What was
it?
TIUD Well, the other ing-Tuesday-it and
dark already came to
SLAP: And wasn't
THuD No, sou wernt at home, but thought you
butted right In without ringing.
- SLAP: All, a-a!
THUD Expecting to find wela-I oncoun-
tered
1 walked right to her and by he arm
SLAP: Hound she?
TffUD She said: rat are
smell of whisky tonght"
SLAP: Iaha-ha-ha! Good joke wife!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
Dutch McGinnity Comes Back
And Attacks Foot Ball Rules
BY Howard Mann.


Doggy Coot, star end on the La
lapaolosa college eleven in the
good old days, was very much sur
prised when he got back to town
Monday to meet his old teammate,
Butch Macginnity, the great full
back.
Gee, l thought you were
dead" he shouted, as he sided
Butch into a seidel place.
81 might as we'll be dead"
lgrowled Butch. I've just read
the new rules and they make me
sick enough to die right now. If
l had life insurance"
whats the matter with the
rules?" asked Doggy.
whats the matter?" snorted
Butch; they're all wrong. When
you and l were putting old Lala-
paloosa on the foot ball map we
didn't have any fool rules to
bother u.s."
Doggy nodded to the bartender
and Butch said: Gimme the
same"
YES" he continued, under
the new rules you don't get credit
for being husky, aggressive play
err. If fellows hurt he can be
taken over to a hospital, get
pumped full of oxygen and stow
aine and sent back to the game.
What's the use of putting your
knee into star player if he's al
lowed to get out and rest and
then come back and beat your"
mo use," said Doggy. q
Back in the '9Os when l played
foot ball." resumed Butch, when
! hit a man he went out and he
stayed out. And this new forward
pass! You can't throw it moTe'n
20 yards for fear of strainfng Rur
arms.
Huh! you don't need huskies
In foot ball any more. Foster Fuss
budget and Clarence Cuttupp and
fellows like that who used to be
great at basket ball and duck-on-
the-rock ought to make star foot
ball men nowadays"
Just then Reddy Gooch, the
grand old quarterback. came in.
The three greeted each other
with enthusiasm. Its like old
times" said Reddy. What's do
ing?" s.
While they had another of the
same. Butch repeated what he had
said about the new rules.
Il don't agree with you." said
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
SoGAetY

Mr.. and Mrs. Alexander BaiIie
and daughters returned yesterday
from Lake Cushiman.
.
Mr.. and Mis-. George Il. HANDLE
left for Vancouver Monday.
Mrs. John Lock and Miss Mary
Ridgeway, guests of Mr.. and Mrs.
r. H. Phillips, left yesterday Tor
Wenatchee.
The Angelus Study club holds
the first meeting of this season
with Mrs. r. w. Jameson, 1924
North Twenty-eighth street, to-
morrow afternoon.
Mrs. George Elliott was hostess
this Afternoon at an informal tea
in honor of Miss Otis.
Miss Edith Asquith, who has
been visiting her sister, Mrs. H. II
Chaplain, left yesterday for Cali
fornia.
The Women's Foreign Mission.
airy society of the First Methodist
church held a rally day meeting
this afternoon with Mrs. e. B.
King. Ill North Tacoma avenue
The WOmen's Social Guild oil
st. Luke's church will hold its
first monthly tea of the year next
"Wednesday Afternoon at the home
OF Mrs. ]. c. Stallcup on Park
Heights.
The Ladies' Aid society of the
First Congregational church hele
the opening autumnal meeting thi
Afternoon at the home of Mrs
Chester H. Thompson, 400 South
Twenty-fifth street.
Miss Flora Hartman. guest Of
the Misses Bess and Helen Pinker.
ton, left for Everett yesterday.
The Women's Missionary society
of Emmanuel Presbyterian church
held the first meeting of the sea-
son this afternoon in the parlors
Of the new church, North Ninth
and J streets.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07

Reddy. tits simply case Of
playing harder than ever. When
you want to put a man out, break
leg or claviele." freddy took
three months at Sketlioi Medic, SC
he occasionally lapses into the
vernacular.
you mean collar bone, don't
your" asked Doggy. Well, that
don't always work. You remem-
Der that first year we played to-
gether, Butch, when we went up
against Sketlioi for the state
championship? You remember
we lost that game because you
thought you'd put a man out
when you hadn't?"
Don't remember nothing, )"
growled Butch.
We'll. it was this way - Sket-
lioi had star tackle named
Toughey linn who'd played for
years under one name or another.
We decided he'd have to be put
our or we'd lose, and you were
elected to do the job.
"0ld Toughey appeared on the
field wearing a mustache, and on
the first play you went into him
like a ton of brick. My collar
bones busted.'i yelled Toughey,
and they carried him off.
"And you remember when the
score was 10 to in our favor
and 10 minutes to play, and
6ketlioi put in a nice new young
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
OBSERVATIONS

ALL New York and Boston can't identify the Lady with the
red hair who HeinZe other big
their the
her hair. Some ladies' do, you
FIRST eastern oysters of the
yesterday Denver item Yes sr
will know by the taste
GEN. FRED GRANTS advice that
automobiles times all hunkdor
we've Fred
vanity trying control it o peace
HURRAH! Here II is, at last! At Bellevue o, a
female G. r. Moores
kindng wood. Come bossy to
Pacific
THE action of the Chamber of Commerce
dorsing the raising
with hearty and immediate
Then he mailed the fairs stamps
abouts
SPOKANE councilmen they called that in
famous Los Angeles anpickeng ordinance
ing Los Angeles is getting
GAR has arrived safely redberg, says cabegram For
the arrive safely item
these days of smokeess noiseless powder.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1910-09-07
THE STORY OF ALI BABA
AND FORTY THIEVES

There once lived in a town OF
Persia two brothers, named Cas-
sim and Ali Bahia. The former
was very wealthy and the latter
was miserably poor. Ali Baba,
who was woodcutter by trade,
was out gathering fagots one
day, when he noticed a cloud of
dust approaching. Suspecting
that it was band of robbers, he
hastily climbed a tree and waited