The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-02-25

| Is one of those fellows who object to
being used.-Philadelphia Record
What do they mean by an 'endur-
ance test'?" 1.-TWO chaps Dragging
about their respective makes of auto
mobiles. Springfield Republican.
We'll, Tommy, what part of the
chicken will you have?" why, paw,
you know always take the back when
there's company."-St. Louis Repub-
lie.
I've just figured out how the Venus
de Milo came to lose her arms"
"How?" "She broke them off trying to
button her shirtwaist up the back
The Jewish Ledger.
"The audience is calling you." the
playwright was informed. Il hear
them," he answered. "Show me the
quickest way to get out Of here
Birmingham Age Herald.
"New-mown hay is a delightful per-
fume; we sell lots Of It," Haven't
you something with a gasoline odor?
want people to think own motor
car, not horse. Life.
Mrs. Newbride - Boohoo! Henry
threw a biscuit at me. One that
made myself, too! Mother-The mon
ster! He might have killed you'll
The United Presbyterian.
Hoax-Out In Arizona he is known
as bad man. Joax-Is that so? Did
he ever kill any one? Hoax-Oh, yes.
Joax-What make Of car does he
drive?-Philadelph Record.
Visitor-Can you read the past?
Fortune Teller Certainly. That's my
business. Visitor-Then ! wish you'd
tell me what 1t was my wife told me
to get for her!-Boston Globe.
do you want employment" asked
the sympathetic woman. II dunno wot
dat Is, ma am" replied the husky hobo,
"but eff it's ennything ter eat. youse
may gimme a Chicago Daily
News.
Judge-I'll have to fine ye fifty dol
lars for exceeding the speed limit.
Jack Scorcher-Look here, Judge, this
young lady and / want to get married
Remit the fine and you get the job
Brooklyn Life.
Whale What are you going to tell
your wife when you get homer Jonah
I don't know; I don't suppose she
would believe me If I should tell her
that 1 had been to fish dinner
The Bohemian.
"You don't know what that's pic
ture of, Johnny?" said Mrs Lapsling,
in tone of reproof. "You ought to
read your ancient history more That
is the temple of Dinah at Emphasis. .
Chicago Tribune.
Cynicus-It Is impossible for won.
an to keep a secret. Henpeckke-I
don't know about that; my wife and |
were engaged for several weeks before
she said anything to me about it,
Philadelphia Record.
Are you In favor Of votes for wom-
emf" "Yes. Perhaps II we can get
them to think more about votes they
will think less about clothes. I have
four daughters who are growing up"
Chicago Record-Herald.
Speaking of Joy rides, did you ever
have real one?" mo" Never go
out In a buggy along shady lane.
with a plug of a horse and the only
girl in the world? Say, you don't
know what life it"-Public Ledger.
A traveller stopped at hotel In
Greenland, where the nights are six
months long, and, as he registered,
asked question Of the clerk. What
time do you have breakfast?"" From
half-past March to a quarter to May"
Reporter-Mr. Cummin, have you
the manuscript of the after-dinner
speech you delivered at that banquet
last night? Ketchum A. Cummin
with gasp) Did deliver speech |
there, young man? Whose?-Chicago
Tribune.
"The starvation experiences of those
English suffragettes were trying" |
"Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; tits |
pretty hard to be obliged to stop crit
icizing the public policies of great
government in order to find fault with
Its cooking. g."--Washingto Star.
Husband-You must marry again,
dearest, when | am gone, and that viii |
be very soon Wife-No, Edward, no
one will marry an old woman like me.
You ought to have died ten year. ago
for that.-Meggendorfer Blaetter.
"Over here" said the Arab guide. /
1--WE have another mummy. From the
cooking utensils found near her, she Is
supposed to have been a cook. For 1
1900 years she has remained just |
where she was found" "Bosh!" scoff-
ed the American tourist, that's no
cook "why notT "Who ever heard