The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1910-08-01

Dut ned no questions 10 ask. lne cir-
cular went on to say that President
Taft slept on a folding bed and had
never before awoke in the morning so
free of backache, and thdt the Four
Hundred Of New York city estimated
the social standing Of O family by the
number of None-Such beds in the
house.
No Hiding Place For Wife.
"Yes, Samuel" sobbod Mrs. Dolby,
"tbe inference Is plain. You knew a
week ago that the japanese were GO
ing to lombard the United States, but
you never said a word. Other hus-
bands have dug holes in the back yard
for their wives to creep into when the
bombs begin to come, but not thing
have you done. You was going to
leave me to be hit and smashed all to
finders"
The deacon sighed with relief He
had. had jaw with tin peddler two
weeks before and was afraid 1t had
got to Mrs. Dolby. He turned to the
circular to read that the other folding
beds of America had folded up on
5000 people In the last ten years, while
the None-Such had behaved itself like
real lady. You didn't have to spike
1t down or use logchan. II stayed
where you put 1t and never wandered
away.
"Yes, the Japs have got mad again,
Mrs. Fletcher says, and this time they
are real mad and are going to shoot.
She says they have a gun that will
throw bomb 500 miles, and we have
not one that viii throw so. They will
Just stand Off 500 miles and lombard.
and where will We be? She thinks ]
may be the first one killed"
Mrs. Dolby was looking up through
her tears. but she did not catch the
faint smile on the deacon's face. 1t lin.
gered as he read that the None-Sucb
cured insomnia, indigestion and nerv-
Gus disorders by wooiBg Sleep Try
all the beds In America. but you must
come back to None-Such in the end
Doctors everywhere recommended It,
and hospitals everywhere were order
ing It. So great was the demand that
orders must be sent six months In ad.
vance.
you are a man, Samuel" continued
the fearful voice, "and you can dodge
bombs, but l can't; I've got to be hit.
/ shall be bit. You want 1t so or you
would have dug hole in the back
yard for me to hide In. am old and
hoinely and lame, and Of course you
want to get rid of me. I've seen It all
along for years past, and now it's right
at hand. A bomb will come whizzing
and I will be gone"
Tho Deacon oblivious.
Here was n direct accusation, but
the deacon didn't refute It. He read
from that circular that while 1t took a
steam engine to fold and unfold other
folding beds, the most innocent and
toflder hearted babe could manage the
None-Such. No hitching Of yoke Of
oxen to pull the foot down ut night.
Tho newest None-Suchcs were equip
ped with the wireless system, and one
could lie there between the sheets aud
communicate with his mother-in-law
a thousand miles away.
samuel. I've been good wife to
you. I've made over thirty barrels Of
soft soap since we was married, and
/ can't begin to tell how many carpet
rags I've sewed. I've allus tried my
hardest to help you get along; but, as
l said. I'm old and lame and homely,
and l don't blame you for wanting a
Japanese bomb to strike me- Then you
can get married to some sixteen-year-
old girl and go around to clrcuses and
picnics. You can stay down cellar
while the Japs lombard"
No wife could make fairer offer,
but the deacon didn't appear to be
greatly Interested. That circular went
on to say that II None-Such with
music box in the springs was preferred
the order must so state. Lying down
on the bed would start the music and
save the cost and trouble Of going to
the opera. Caruso and Melba could be
heard singing under the bed without
cent extra cost. This feature was pat
ented in fifteen different countries and
must not be infringed The deacon was
almost hearing Carusos high notes
when Mrs. Dolby said:
"But while I'm willn' to die for your
sake, Samuel, don't want to be killed
by bomb. 1t would jest tear me all to
pieces, Mrs. Fletcher says, and there'd
be no funeral. I've thought Of better
way. ! brung In the ak while you was
gone, and I'm going to ask you to
knock me in the head with 1t. Hit me
jest as hard as you can and bust my
skull in!'
That was another fair offer, but the
deacon only cracked his toes over 1t
and made no reply. The circular told
him that the None-Such could also be
fitted with an apparatus to throw a
sleeper out of bed at any hour desired
in the morning, and throw him hard.
Beware of any folding bed that