Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-01-14

angina pectOrls."
you're perfectly right, doctor" said
the young man sheepishly, "only that
amt her name"
English Girl ~ You American girls
have not such healthy compilations as
we have. | cannot understand why our
noblemen take fancy to your white
faces.
American Girl-It isn't our white faces
that attract them, my dear; it's our
greenbacks.
"Ah, little boy" said the visiting suf-
fragette with sigh, Il am shocked to
see so many youngsters around here with
sOiled faces. Don't you know we suffra-
gettes have promised to kiss every little
boy that has clean face?"
Oats why we are keeping dem sOiled,
num-" shouted the tough lad as he beat
it down the alley.
Old John Randolph of Roanoke once
rose in his seat in the Senate and said:
"Mr. President, is it not shame that
the noble bulldogs of the administration
should be wasting their precious time in
worrying the rats of the Oppositi0n|
Calls for order came thick and fast,
whereup0n he, pointing his long, skinny
ha Itf
screamed: Rats, did say? Mice-mice"
OF ready wit, the archbishop of Canter-
bury is a great example. He was going
in with number of other ciergymen to
luncheon after some great ecclesiastical
function, when an unctuOus dlgnltary
observed: 'NOw to put bride on our
appetites.'
Quick as lightning the archbishop re-
tOrted: "Say, rather, now TO Put bit be-
tween your teeth
We are apt to think that Mr.. Balfour's
one pastime in life is golf. That is not
so. He is quite an ardent cyclist and
mOtorist. Anent his early cycling days
there is a good story told. He was riding
in the grounds Of Whittinghame, his
beautiful Scottish home, when he met a
party of ladies on their way TO call on
Miss BafOur. The ever-gallant pOliti-
clan at once attempted to raise his hat.
As result, he landed in the middle of a
flower bed.
"You did that very gracefully" re-
marked friend later.
"Oh, always dismount in the presence
of ladies'" was the immediate retort.
Uncle Joe Cannon had an amusing ex-
perience with waiter in a Kansas City
hotel during his last visit to that city.
Being in no mood to select his dinner, he
had tossed aside, with glance, the menu
presented to him by the waiter, saying:
Bring me good dinner"
Incidents "Uncle Joe" slipped the
man big tip IN advance.
This repast proving satisfactory, the
speaker pursued the same plan during
the remainder of his stay in Kansas City.
As he was leaving the servitOr remarked
earnestly, as he helped him on with his
overcoat:
81 beg your pardon, sir, but when you
or any of your friends that can't read
come to Kansas City, just ask for Tom"
While the prOverbial Englishman
may not be able to distinguish joke in
less than two weeks time, he often says
something to arouse the risibilities.
Among the passengers on one of the
big ocean liners lately coming frem
Cherbourg was Britisher with an appe-
tite Tor information on topics of every
conceivable description. Wherever know
ledge was being disseminated he was to
b0 found.
One day he overheard another passen-
ger remark that the captain had said
they should see Sandy Hook within
twenty-four hours.
SANDY Hook" exclaimed the English
man, land who's he; some prominent
Scotchman in New York;"
Mark Twain was talking about the
famous robbery in his beautiful country
house.
Had | still been living in Hartford
he said whimsically, ''s0me of my Hart
ford friends would certainly have accus-
ed me of robbing myself. They had a
poor opinion of me in that line.
Marshall Jewell, the ex-governor, us
ed to take up the collection in our Hart
ford church. They never asked me to
take it up. | fretted a good deal over
this matter.
See here. Jewell | said, one day
they let you take up the collection every
Sunday, but they would never let me dc
it,
'Oh. yes, they would said Jewell
that is. with bell punch like the horse
car conductors use.'
President Taft's machine, wandering
away from the main travelled highways
became hopelessly lost in maze OF
twisted country roads-so runs this rpe-
cious tale-and was at length halted il
the worst mire within the country limits