Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1910-05-27
CHAPTER xvlI-continued

Gladly would he have died In hope
less, desperate fashion he prayed for
death. But ng-intangible-
still held him from taking his own
life. He did not perceive that there
were depths of misery lower than any
to which he had yet fallen. Had he
foreseen the trackless country over
which he was to wander, he would
have laid down his life in despair at
the outset. But the sight was merci-
fully withheld from him, and he
pressed steadily on, unloved and I'M
loving but hugging close to his heart
one delusive belief-love was still in
the world. Not for him, but for
others. life was still worth the living
How or when this belief escaped
him he never knew. He awoke one
! day to the awful conviction that even
this had been taken from him-that
nothing remained between him and
absolute despair He had been a fool
How could any love-eyen as pure as
theirs-how could even this make life
worth living? 1t was at best frail
uncertain thing, liable to snap at any
moment and leave life empty. desc
/ late-like his own. No, life was a
mistake. Derring could fancy it the
gift of some arch-fiend who lay back,
laughing in his sleeve as from afar he
watched men rushing here and there,
pushing and scrambling. cheating
swearing. dying-for what? For a
will-osthe-Wisp, mirage, child's
fable
Thus despair took hold on him. But
the effect was not what one would
have foreseen. 1t drove him towards
his felloW-men. In his first grief he
had been moody and reserved, speak.
ing seldom and then only of the most
matter-of-fact details of work Now
he sought companionship. He courted
conversation. But his conversation
was sharp and cynical in tone. Nc
subject was too sacred or too tender
for his wit Tt was as II the fiend
had taken him far above and hat
! showed him that all is vanity and
vexation of sDirit-transient, leeting
beginning nowhere and ending il
I nothing-too trifiing to mourn ovel
and surely not worth enthusiasm
t Every one in the office felt tht
, change Many young fellow WHIT
came under the lash of his tongue
wondered vaguely what had come
over Derring. But no one guessed thu
cause. For although he seemed ST
, open and bluff. he was more reseryet
? than ever.
. Thus two. three-six years passed
Then a change came over him. TIL
bitterness passed from his heart ant
left only a great pity for mankind
! 1t was a cruel thing to create rae
capable of suffering and condemn
to life of fruitless strivingi TIL
hopelessness and The misery haunte
1 him--day and night. He became yer
gentle. Even towards sin and vice h
showed a lenieney that surprised hi
l fellow-workers. His own grief had be
come to him very small thing hare
~ worth a heart-throb in compariso
with the curse under which the III
man race struggled. He would glad
have died to bring a ray of light t
men He began to understand, diml.
that the sins of the world may be lai
on one man INT with the undel
standing came a conviction of tn
hopelessness. Every true man mus
suffer- must stoop to take the burde
on his shoulders-some to bear
even to cruel death-but neye
| must one dare hope that because
suffered another should be free.
For himself, as the years went b,
he questioned no more. Life and il
meaning had reduced itself to this
10 help those that are in trouble-thi
much he had gathered from tn
wreck. He knew that it was only
fragment, a negative sort of comfoy
But 1t was better than the blan
| lpathy of indifference 1t was som,
| hirg To live fnr