Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1910-08-04
ONE CENTURY HENCE
THIS STORY MAY THEN NOT
SOUND At ALL FUNNY.
You Man In the City, Take This Timely
Tip, and Forthwith .ekedaddIo
Right Back to the
Farm.

- ~ xauAa O1O-16S01OQeQ W01m tnat
makes us visit the old folks in the city
every fave or six years. think she
hates to leave the comforts Of the farm
as much as do. but she was born and
reared in the city, poor girl, and, per-
haps. even stupid. out-of-date Broad
way has a faint memorial lure for her.
Also she has q queer sentiment about
duty to ones parents, never having
been taught that parents are mere ao-
cidents. for which one 10 not respon-
sible.
Never again. though! I'm back among
my cows and conveniences, and never
more will I be dragged into the dinky.
dull, seedy, subway-ridden, poverty
stricken dump they call New York.
Paula's folks can think, If they want
to. that I'm swelled up and look down
on them just because I'm farmer and
they mere common city folks. They
can come out here and cape at my pri-
vate monora1l system, run my best
aeroplane into the hanging spinach
gardens and smash the wireless with
their chatter to Cousin Rudolph's
folks in Mars. They're welcome any
time. But they can't reciprocate.
My father had some sense. He was q
good old Forty-niner-joined the Back
to-the-Land Rush of 1849, you know
and I've stuck to his pay dirt. The
fools that stayed in the city can keep
staying there. If they can live on
$50,00O year and enjoy clerking in
store at that pay, all right. But one
Of my automatic hens earns more than
that in week.
I've tried to help 'em, too. Why, my
wife's dad, even at sixty-fve, if he'd
take my advice and buy little A.
story irrigation farm in Sahara, stock
it with artificial dirt, raise flowers on
the ground floor, pigs on the second,
fruit on the third, and SO on, would
have decent nest-egg before he died.
And he'd be within Is minutes fly of
New York all the time. zss-s s
$50 The cost OF living began going up
way back in my grandmother's time
1908 or something like that-and still
a lot of those city dopes couldn't take
a hint-went on putting good money
However, it's no use ridiculing the
! Wife's folks. All I say is that won't
visit their foolish urban den any more.
Why, the old man makes noises when
! he talks, as If the soundless speaker
had never been invented. And he want
ed me to shave with a safety razor,
when one could see at glance that
! !,
face for life.
Then, when asked the butler to call
up, Aunt Jennie's spirit in the other
world on the spook telephone, Paula's
mother informed me that they didn't
! talk with the dead, because it seemed
uncaanny to their old-fashioned minds.
Wouldn't that crumple you up?
/ But, of course, they're poor. don't
suppose the old mans got million to
his name. So I'll have to forgive them
for running the sewing machine and
wash wringer with an electric battery,
instead of connecting the house with
! Halley's comet power, which runs
! everything on the farm except Paula.
! Yes, forgive 'em, but never again
/ for me! Hey, Gus, switch the weather
regulator for rain. see by the long
distance camera that the onions in the
northeast corner of the seventy-third
story are bit dry. No, you can fill
the New York order with the fourteen
year-old eggs; doubt if the thirteens
are ripe enough for the lay trade.
And shift the Burbank gage in the
:. twenty-third level; We'll raise pickles
on the strawberry vines this year
i Puck