The Randall County news. (Canyon City, Tex.) 1908-1926, 1910-03-04
.HUMOROF THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
The Absentminded Professor Was .
Prolific Source Of Merriment to the
testers Of Those Days-The Source
Of Many Modern Jokes.


seem. more truly to jokes and Witt.
cisms than TO anything else The chief
differences between the jests Of one
generation and that Of another lie
mainly in their form. The kernel is
practically the same Nevertheless II
Is interesting TO exhume some Of these
ancient jokes and to recognize in them
the ancestors Of the things at which
we laugh today In the pages Of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writer's dearly love
to make fun of the absentminded. I'M
practical university professor, who
outside Of his own subject lets his
wits wander and is very slow to grasp
anything in ordinary life. Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
| by the students and graduates Of the
great universities In ancient Greece,
for IL Is mistake TO suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown TO the ancients.
AS a matter OF fact. the student at
the University OF Athens or at the
| University Of Alexandria was very
the student today. and his professors
were not so very different.
\ witty GreeR named Hierocles.
graduate Of Alexandria. collected some
time in the fifth century volume Of
jcSts which were current among the
students with regard TO the woolgath-
ering type Of professor \ number OF
them are translated here as being Of
considerable interest IN the history OF
humor and especially OF college hu.
NOR:
\ professor. wishing to swim. was
nearly drowned. whercupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim
or twin brothers. one died \ pro-
fessor thereupOn, meeting the sur.
vivor. asked. rs it YOU that died or
your brother"
A professor. learning that raven
would live for more than 200 years.
bought one TO test the matter.
4 professor. wishing TO cross a river,
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted 10 get over
in a hurry.
a professor. looking out Of the win
dow Of a house which he had bought
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming TO him.
A professor. meeting another pro-
fessor. said. Il heard you were dead"
And yet" replied the other, you see
that ] am still! alive" Well" said
the first in perpleYity. Il don't know
what to believe. for the man who told
me about It is a much more truthful
man than you"
A professor. IN danger OF being ship
called for his tablets that he |
might make his will. Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamentlng their fate. he
said. DO not grlcve. for am going to |
set you free"
A professor drcs med that he had |
trodden Oh a nail and that the wound |
Dained him. On waking he bound up |
his foot. Another professor, having |
earned the cause, remarked. at served |
you right. for why do you sleep with
,ut sandalsr'
A professor. meeting a doctor. hid
himself behind wall. Some one ask
ng the cause, he answered, II have
rot been sick for so long time ! am
lsha med to come into the sight o. q
physician"
A professor. wishing TO teach his
iorse TO be small eater. gave him no
God at all. At length, the horse hav-
ng starved 10 death. the professor ex-
.laimed. II have suffered great loss.
or just as he had learned not 10 eat he
iledr
professor, visiting n sick person,
inquired about his healtbf The invalid.
iowever. was not able to reply. There
lpon the professor, being angry and
colding the man, said. 81 hope that |
hall be sick some OF these days. and
hen when you come 10 ask how am
will not answer"
A professor sealed up vessel OF
vine which he had bought. His sery-
mt having made IA hole In the vessel
and drawn of some OF the
vine. the professor was astonished TO
&c the contents diminished while the
Gals remained unbrokcn. 4 neIghbor
Iavirg told him 20 look whether Il had
Iot been taken out from below. he re-
lied, why. you fool, It's the upper
art OF the wine and not the lower
hat Is missing
A professor. a bald man and a bar
er travelling together agreed to keep
watch IN turn four hours. each while
be others slept. The BARRIERS turn
anne first. He quietly shaved the
cad OF the sleeping professor and
vhen the time elapsed awoke him
he latter. scratching his head as he
OF up and finding II bare. cried out:
What a rascal that barber is. He's
gaked the bald man instead OF mew-
Exchange.
Legal Advice.
Prisoner" said the Justice. "you are