davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
THE HUMoR OF sAyAGEs

From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
 It Is a well established law of hu- man nature that the lower the stage or civilization the more that sense or humor f1ourishes which finds 1t funny to inconvenience, injure or disgrace the butt of the fun. The pure savage deems it exquisite fun to see another knocked about, wounded or even killed. The circus tradition handed down from musty ages abounds with the wit of clowns hammerfng each other with clubs or stung with the whiplash of the ringmaster. Scott, in "Quentin Durward," brings out the al- legged fun of Charles the Bold beating Philip de Confines over the head with his boot, together with Louis AIs more stinging wit of making Confines recall it as a joke. This anthropolog- ical principle gives little light on the degree of civilization displayed by the participants in two exhibitions or humor recently reported.
 One of them was in an Ohio town where the superstition that bridal couples can be made the butt of hood lumism seems to be especially ram pant. In this case the newly welded pair, after being captured, were thrust into crates used for shipping hogs and shipped by rail to another town. For pure brutishness this seems to go far, but it is distanced by the case reported in this city yesterday, in which young man on his way to the theatre was set upon, assaulted, his clothing
 rrst Iv,t his theatre tickets and money stolen, all as delightful joke.
 Judging by these exhibitions or humor, if the facts are as reported, the testers of the Ohio town have stand ard of civilization very close to the Hottentots, while those of this city make an equation with violent and dangerous criminals.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Athletic Club Publication

'T am delighted. said Henry Hanna yesterday, with the revived issue of the Marathon, the Athletic clubs monthly paper, which has just made its appear ance. It Is a neat little magazine, given over entirely to boosting the activities of the Athletic club.
 We have long needed such a publica- tion. It will be popular with the member ship if the quality and standard of the first issue is maintained
 This months issue contains history of the club; number of articles on bas- ketball; class work; the business man, and other interesting items.
 "B. H. Mooney, a well-known newspa- per man, is editor of the paper, and promises to make 1t a permanency. It certainly deserves the support of the membership"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
THE SPIDERS SECRET

From the Popular Magazine.
 For long time the web of the snder was supposed to be a simple strand of wavy silk, but later 1t was found that such was far from being the case.
 Under the microscope we can get at the secret of the spinning very nicely. We see that there are either four or six teats on the spider near the lower part of the abdomen, almost exactly similar to the teats of a COW. From these issue four or six strands as the case may be, but these strands themselves are not simple. but are composed of at least 1000 fibers each, for it has been proven that in each teat there Is a sieve of at least 1000 holes through which the silky matter is strained. Thus We see that fine as IS a spiders web 1t Is yet composed of from 4000 to coco fibers Leuwenhoeck states that it would take at least 4.Oo0Ooo of the completed threads to make a thread as strong as silk thread of the size of a hair.
 However, there are some tropical spid- CTS that spin threads known to be very strong; so strong, in fact, as to be able to catch and hold humming birds
 As to the color of the thread, our ordinary spiders spin one of a uniform gray color; but in the riotous tropics there are found spiders that spin vari- colored webs One particularly produces red, yellow, and black threads which it binds together with a pleasing color ef- feet.
 In the thread of the spider lies dormant a great industry once 1t Is properly studied. Numerous attempts have been made to utilize the threads for cloth to n,ake clothes, etc All have been so far doomed to failure-anyhow, as a finan- oial proposition. It is related that Louis XIV had dress made from spiders web, but which was so fragile that he became disgusted with 1t. The entomolo- gist D'Orbigny had made for himself a pair of trousers from the webs of tropi- cal spiders which lasted for a long time
 It would seem that even if the web was too fragile to make the fabric en- tirely from, it could be mixed with silk or something equally strong and produce new and gorgeous material for our pres ent-day goddesses.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
STEAM sHOyELs ON PANAMA CANAL
A. F. Dickinson, in Cassers Magazine
 for November

 A. F. Dickinson, in Cassers Magazine
 for November.
 The influence of the Panama canal on the development of the American exca- vator has been very great. Since the recommencement of the worok the sizes of excavators employed have greatly in creased. as has also the efficiency of the machines, and more especially of the methods of working them.
 Some ieda of the importance of efficient working may be gained from the number employed
 On this work there were Qast year) b 106-ton machines of the Marion type 32 95-ton Bucyrus, and many smaller ex- cavators, the total number employed reaching 100. Up to the present the 1o5- ton sbovels hold the record in size. They have bucket of five cubic yards capaci- ty length of body of 42 feet, and ca pacity of 2000 to 5000 cubic yards per ten-{ hour day, acording to the nature of the ground in which they are working. One of these shovels is at work in the Culebra cut Panama, where on one occasion 1t Is reported in the Canal Record to have loaded 31S ten-cubic yard cars in 37O min utes. The 95-ton Bucyrus shovel has to its credit the substantial record of 39i1 cubic yards in eight hours, and of 5S. 4S3 cubic yards in 27 eight-hour working days.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Power of the Speaker

Nothing that the short session does in relation to the selection of a committee to name all of the House committees in dependent of the speaker will control the House of the Sixty-second Congress ex- cept as a precedent supports subsequent action. But when the insurgents make an effort in the short session to appoint . committee on committees, as they as- suredly will, the democrats can i'll af- ford to refuse to aid them.
 The people are quick to resent any violation of public pledges. The recent campaign was conducted against Can nonism as well as against Aldrichism, and this meant that the democrats and insurgents would strive to put the House
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Foundation nf Cifies

Tn view of the poor showing which some cities made in the census and of the wide difference in many cases between local estimates or guesses it would be we'll for every city of pretentous size to take full local census in each de- cade two or three months before the government enumerators start to work, :" said L. L. Dowell of Chicago. This would prove of real value. In the first place, it could, be made with painstaking method and fin the next place It would give great satisfaction for each eommun- ity to know just what was it's actual pop ulation. The public at large will accept only government figures. but if the local count and the census bureau count were approximately the same, well and good. If the two counts were far apart then the census director would make an investi- gation and do some checking up, and if necessary order a new enumeration.
 Chicago with its population of 2,1s5, ,1s3 has no cause to complain, although we were claiming 2,60o,OOO; but the latter flg- ures had no solid basis. When a city passes the 100000 line 1t is big enough not to mind a little discrepancy like 400,- GOO souls. But in the case of a city in the 100000, or even 500,O0O class, it does matter when the census report is disap- pointing. Nine times out of 10 the gov ernment enumerators have done their work intelligently and faithfully, and disappointment can be traced to the im- portance of relying too much on the city directory for an estimate of population Local counts could be made by the police and the cost would be only nominal"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
NOT HIS DEBUT

From the Lowell Courier Citizen
 At social evening at the home of a local merchant recently, the conversa- tion turned to the subject of breaks" made in downtown churches, where the members of the congregation never be- come fully acquainted with everybody ,clse. The story was told of a Lowell clergyman who upon one occasion ex- horted his parishioners to be more cor dial in greeting strangers in the church. At the close of the service one of the members turned to another mem- Der of the congregation and said cor dially:
 q am glad to see you here this morn- irg, and I hope that you will com. again."
 1T expect to- was the reply. q have been coming here for 40 years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Presented With n Testim onial

That was a graceful act on the part of the clerks of the Birmingham postoffice when they presented the retiring post master, J. Rivers Carter, with a testi- nominal in the shape of handsome cane; duly inscribed. MT. Carter was 0 popu- lar official and filled the office from Jan uary 8, 1905, until the present postmaster, Judge Montgomery, qualified, on the 2d or this month, an incunbency of nearly six years
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
SHADOWS AND THE MOON.

By Madison Cowein, in The Forum. Efeat-whirling files, whose whine is like a
 sting, Bred of the water where all day the snake Rippled or wreathed, no longer rage and
 sing, And near the wood-pool nothing Is awake Except the moth that. like a flowers
 ghost, Searches the shadows for some dream it
 lost Then in the dusk strange lights define
 themselves, Glimmer on glimmer. and green glow on
 glow, Like some fantastic revel of the elves, The fireflies fit their lanterns to and fro; Twinkling in faery fete drowsy dance, That takes the pool with starry necro- E nance. Then in the east a glow; and all around A pause and rumor mid expectant trees; A wind that whispers low and something
 found Beauty, long lost, and yelled in mys-
 teries; And then upon the hilltop, 10! the moon, Diana-like. breasting the winds of June.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Enjoyed Musical Comedy

After seeing a series of problem plays which, while undoubtedly representing high art among our leading actors. still leave, If I may use the expression, a bad taste in the mouth,,s" said a regular patron of the theatres. 'I can truthfully say I thoroughly enjoyed musical com- edy School Days at one of our play houses.
 ''The show was clean and snappy, and while it might be termed light, 1t was to me very refreshing after the seriousness of the other class of plays. I was also much pleased with the presentation of the little Hebrew character, which, so different from those usually portrayed on the stage, was a lovable little chap, whose fun seemed spontaneous and free from the slightest tinge of vulgarity.
 "The play simply bubbled with fun and I laughed as I have not laughed in some time, and left the theatre with light CT spirit than I had had for many a dav"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
nEFLECTIoNs OF A BACHELOR

From the New York Press.
 Money warps character; envy poisons the soul.
 Good qualities hang back forever; bad ones come bursting out.
 A girl needs her whole face to smile, but she can wink with the tiniest corner of her eye.
 The average man is so blind he can't see what's good for him, even when it's being kicked out of public office.
 Grown-ups catch marriage just the way children do the measles, and lots of them are just as anxious to get over 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
Holiday Shopping

Christmas shopping is already quite hrisk," said Third avenue merchant "but, of course. the rush will not come until about the 10th of December.
 'The best shoppers are those who start early. They see the full holiday stocks before being picked over and they avoid being jostled. The early folk find the hol- iday season all the more delightful be- cause they can take their time.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
A NEW GROUND FOR DIVORCE

Mrs. Elinor Millbank Anderson Tanner has sued her husband for divorce in a California court on the ground that the monster insists on kissing his baby with out first having himself sterilized, there- by exposing the little dear to great perils from malignant microbes which presum- ably infest the unfortunate MT. Tanner.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
THE MOBILE ITEM

The Age-Herald extends congratulations to the Mobile Item, which has just issued it's thirteenth annual Thanksgiving and county fair edition. This number con- tains S4 pages and is a fine publication. The Item is enjoying great prosperity and deservedly so, because it is news paper conducted on . high plane of ex- cellence.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT SOME MATTERS
 OF INTEREST TO BIRMINGHAM PEOPLE

~7HE past weeks celebration in Bir-
 mingham of it's tremendous growth.
 4 as officially recorded in the census report was a great success, and those people of Alabama who came to Birming- ham to join with it's people in celebrating enjoyed themselves.
 Now that this celebration has terni- mated and everybody has talked much ot there is no reason for scrap between the railroads and the city administration of Birmingham.
 I refer to the viaduct matter. The raii- roads entering Birmingham have pros qered. Birmingham has prospered. And why should a few officials of the railorads and a few aldermen of Birmingham ap- peal to the courts over the mere expendi- ture of a few dollars to protect the lives of the people who live in Birmingham? The railroads of Birmingham should be liberal and do their part toward providing vladucts and whatever else Is necessary to make the lives of the people who live some distance from the center of the city safe and secure.
 Simply because there has been legisla-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Senator Penrose has large aceumula- ton of lame ducks on his hands whom he is endeavoring to take care of. He would like to put them all in the new commerce court
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Princess Victoria, daughter of the Kali ultra-domestic views or his divine right theory. She is daughter in a period of free thought among women.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Memphis and Nashville are singing par agraphs at Birmingham. and if they don't stop it we will call Director Durand's attention to the matter. He knows how to correct obstreperous towns.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Many a county is decreased in popula- ton by the fact that farmers boys pre- fer to be motormen and conductors rather than to hold or drive the plow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Revolutionary Leader Madero of Mexico has 1apsed into mystery. Just where he is coming out to regain San Antonio is another mystery.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

The express drivers in New York threaten to strike again at Christmas time. This would raise hob in that city to say the least.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Whitelaw Reid can be trusted at any rate to support Senator Lodges efforts to be reelected senator.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

British cabinet officers need shin guards when they walk in London's parks among it's militant suffragettes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Green County Democrat: Birmingham has had her jubilee. Here's hoping she may do so again in 1920.
 Tuscaloosa Times-Gazette: Blrming ham Is having a census jubilee, Con- federate reunion, a few Thanksgiving football games and the like. and last, but not least, some injunctions.
 Montgomery Times: Birmingham has extended a beautiful hospitality to the Confederate veterans, and the whole state should unite in grateful acknowl- edgment of the fact. Montgomery's op- portunity will come next year, and it will give occasion for friendly rivalry that will be not only natural, but commenda- ble.
 West Alabama Breeze: Memphis falls below Birmingham by about 1500 In pop ulation, and the Alabama city now has third place among the cities of the south. She is right after Atlanta and will push that plucky town for second place in 1920. Then lock out, New Orleans.
 Fort Payne Journal: Birmingham held jubilee this week in honor of her increase In population and business dur ing the past ten years and also to cele- brate the fact that she is now the third city in the south Birmingham has just cause to be proud of her position and achievements and the whole state has cause to be proud of her. May her tribe increase.
 St. Clair County News: Birmingham has been equal to the occasion. Her cen- sus jubilee was Class A.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Although New York state holds near ly 100000 of people there is still con- siderable elbow room in some portions of the state.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

The republicans will feel almost as solitary Milwaukee socialist.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

And what's a Filipino,
 But I'll never know the inside facts
 About that mill at Reno.
 TO THE LADY PERFESSOR."
 "The Lady Perfessor of Journalism at Washburn Batted the Tar out of this Department In Her Class Lecture yes- terday morning. She also Cut a few Scollops and Didoes in the Hide of the Writer As a Result He isn't sure which He resembles most, Skin-O-See Shirt Waist or a Piece of Swiss Cheese. He is that Full of Holes. The Lady Professor should be More Charitable. The Writer never really had a chance. All He knows about Newspaper Work he learned in Newspaper Office. He never had the Ad- vantage of Instruction by a Lady Per lessor of Journalism at a Freshwater College. That Is His Weakness. For if Young man has the Right Stuff in him He will Outgrow everything He Learns In a College of Journalism. It Is True that it Is Long and Tedious Process. It Takes from Two to Four Years to do it. It also is Very Painful to his City Edl- tor. But the Right sort of Boy can do it. In Her Attempt to land the Soporific Punch on the writer the Lady Perfessor Harked Back to the visit of Mime. Schu- nann-H -Heink, now some Eight Years Agone, at Which Time the Writer In- suited the Mime. by saying She Waddled The Lady Professor says that was the Reason the Mime. never Came Back. But it Wasn't. The Reason the Mime Piked on Topeka was that Nobody was ever again Sport Enough to Guarantee the Mme her Price for Singing. If the Lady Perfessor really Pines to hear Mime. again, and will Put Up the rrice, the Writer will Guarantee to have her here at the Appointed Time. The Lady Per lessor told her Class that the Writer fi- nally Apologized to the Mime. The Lady Professor has been handed Bum Steer. The Writer not only Did Not Apologize, but He Still Thinks she Waddled We have no Desire to Bicker with the Lady Professor Probably she Is Right about it. But she should be More Charitable to those who have never had the Benefit of Her Instruction" "-4Dod Gaston in the To- peka, Kan, Capital.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

If laundry prices keep on going up a clean shirt in midweek will become con- elusive evidence of plutoeracy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

If the suffragettes grow any worse this country may feel compelled to offer the right of asylum to the whole British cabinet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
NQJ1,uep-

reads an automobile romance he can smell the odor of gasoline,
 If that's the case. it would never do Tor him to read a skunk story,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Former King Manuel, it is safe to say, paid no attention to President Taft's call for an observance of Thanksgiving Day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
TOO VIVID.
 vivid ,magjnation ,,

'sIIe has vivid imagination" "Is that so?''
 "Yes. When he reads whaling yarn he can smell the blubber and when he
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Texas fears a heavy immigration move ment when the iron hand of Diaz reaches out to the Rio Grande.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
A LITTLE LESSON.

The proper sort of city.
 The kind to make you glad, Will never. never tell lie And never, never pad.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Birmingham is waiting to welcome in the first natural gas pipe line.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

AN OLD-FASHIONED BARBER.
 A barber In Hiawatha, Kansas, is said to have lost his job because he drank up all the bayrum in the shop.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
EXPLAINED.

Yes. you'll find highbrows in plenty At girly-girly show;
 It's so long since they were twenty, All their hair is gone, you know.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Mexico should not try to supplant the Balkans as a source of troubles.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

A FANCY. Sometimes, when clouds are flying Ger drear November plains And fitful winds are signing Their melancholy strains. Il seems so long to May-bloom And breath O roses sweet I fear in all this gray gloom My heart will cease to beat.
 A SAD CASE. whats the matter with Pipps this morning? He looks like nervous wreck
 His wife dragged him out last night to hear a lecture on phagoeytosis and Pipps' speciality is baseball
 A QUIET OBSERVER. He loved the hills and valleys, He loved the golden sun And hailed the stars above him With joy, when day was done The inland streams that murmur Bewitched his dreaming ear And the lays of feathered songsters Were passing sweet to hear. For Nature taught him lessons Not ever found in books, But in rocks and trees and fountains, And hermit wales and brooks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

The political sky is now studded with democratic presidential possibilities.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
SURPRISING.

The father of the aeroplane" Has passed away; He didn't break his neck, we're fain. IL truth, to say.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

This Is the period of turkey hash, and there is no escape from 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Senator Lodge is silent even when Gov ernor-elect Foss proposes to fossilize him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
BoTH SCORCHING.

Gladys has taken up typography" And her brother, Jack?"
 He's burning the wind in an auto mcbile."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
A cupIsTMAS PLEA.

Here's a maxim for you, grille
 With prayer its edge to soften;-- Do your Christmas shopping early; But, oh, please, don't do it often!'
 T. E. M. in the New York Telegram. Here's a maxim for you, girlie,-
 All the men will say it's wise; In the shopping hurly-burly.
 Please pass up those Christmas ties
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
A SLOW RECOVERY.

Poor little Yum Yummy Is still holding his "tummy,'
 While big tear rolls from his eye; The turkey was fine, And the cake and the wine,
 But he ate overmuch of mince pie.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

ton in Alabama and in the national Con- gress which has not been favorable to the railroads is no reason why officials of the railroads should try to curtail ev- cry possible expense and subject them selves to tremendous damage suits.
 l believe in the cooperative spirit. Let the railroad officials and the officials of Birmingham get together and do the right thing and do 1t at once.
 It is to be regretted that the past weeks aviation meet in Birmingham was not neither of tle Curtiss aviators attempted any other than the ordinary common place stunts of aviation. AS a matter of fact, it Is as simple to operate an aero plane as il Is an ordinary automobile if one merely flies around a race course or over the ordinary field. Had the Curtiss aviators done something unusual the first day they would have had crowds there after.
 
 I would not be surprised if the visit of MT. Grenfell of London to the Birning- ham district did not eventually mean n
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27
SARCASTIC.

SARCASTIC. ''Ie expresses his regrets in a long letter. You mean his pseudo-regrets. His real regrets could be written in full on a grain of corn"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-27

Kansas has a population of 1,69o,0O mostly iconoclasts.