davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Jus, Plain Arlthms,le.

Since they have been teaching Alge
bra as well arithmetic In the public
schools u certain small boy has been
having good deal OF trouble.
He was porting over his books the
other night, with deep frown on his
forehead.
What is the trouble. Albert" asked
his father. going over to the table
whero the boy sat
It's an example IN algebra. father.
don't know how TO do H."
Lets see" Albert handed over the
book and pointed To the following
query;
II A does a certain piece of work
In four days and u does Il In ~ days.
how long will It take them both work.
Ing together2
What makes you think it's algebra.
sonl' asked the man after he had read
a.
TITS got an A and a h IN" returned
Albert, $50 | thought II must be-"
When the boy heard that Il was
"only arithmetic" he set 10 work at
once and had the answer In no time.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Throws Vinegar in a Burglars Ewes

ment. unconscious. The closet had q
spring lock on the outside and the
man had been shut In. He was almost
sufocated. Mrs. Jasper got some vine
gar, which her husband used as a re-
storatiye. and succeeded In bringing
the man 10 his senses.
AS soon as the man became con.
scious he attacked Jasper. The con-
tractor was no match for him. and
was being ckoked into unconscious
ness when Mrs. Jasper hurled the
vinegar into the mans face. Howling
with pain. he freed Jasper. Mrs. Jas
per sprang at him. and she and her
husband managed to hold him until a
policeman came and took him 10 jail.
Jasper says the man he had be-
friended was former employe whom
he had discharged on account OF his
habits He says the man stole his
jewelry before hiding In the closet
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Trade FOLLOW. the Doctor.

AZ nine o'clock tho stranger IN IN,
noighborhood saw grocery wAsor
Landing In front Of tho doctors hous,
down tho street AZ ten o'clock an
other wagon stood there. and az II
O'Clock still another.
"rho Doctors family must bs his
eaters II Il takes 80 many groeers tc
supply their wants." she said 10 the
Janitor
"oh, they are not all delivering stun
At the doctors house." said no. They
are only stopping there as an adyer,
tiHement."
Every grocer. butcher. baker and
dairyman In the neighborhood bitches
his wagon IN front OF the doctors
house and carries tho things from
there the rest OF tho way. Il pays 10
make folks think they have the doc.
tors trade.
MANY people who have Just moved
into a neighborhood never make up
their minds who 20 deal with until
they md out where the doctor trades.
He is supposed 10 buy only the best
foods and tho newcomers feel safe IN
trading where he does"
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
lE9G99MSaA9 GHH@@S@Z8
M Odd News From Big Cities (
&2I Stories of Strange Happenings in the II
NMI Metropolitan Towns II
JN@S@NNS@S@NN ZE7EITl5Z5;|,
AEzSSS889E GSSSN|E
Many Baltimore Women Start SMOKING

not Haunting the habit ln the faces OF
conservative public, make nc
bones" OF The matter and readily ad
init that they smoke.
Another set about town among
whom smoking is INDUCED In freely
includes the artistic and musical
coteries. Among them there is al.
ways a more or less foreign element
and Continental ideas generally lnd
favor
Several well-known women physI.
clans were asked about their observa.
tions on the subject and. with one ac.
cord, they replied that the habit was
general among society women only.
1T Is a conspicuous fact" said one.
that few women students OF colleges
or universities smoke. have never
known Of a woman teacher who did
Another woman physician said she
did not consider II had ever been con-
clusively proved that smoking In mod.
Grafton was harmful, but that she
thought both men and women we're
none the better for II.
A well-known suffragist was asked
whether a desire TO vote on a WON.
ans part went with the habit Of ciga.
rette smoking. She was indignant
and declared very few Baltimore SUI. |
frngists smoke. and. anyhow, those
who do did II before they became
suifragists."
A well.known physician living on
Charles street said that while smoking
might not hurt the woman. he con.
sidered II horrid habit and no woman
was 'kissable" who smoked. Die was
,ertain that ho would not permit any
of his family TO indulge In II for a
nlnufo
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Chicagoan to Start an Electric Farm

/ after dining on an electrified potate
salad may glow like a lightning bus
and warble a few bars OF Il Wonder
Who's kissing Her Now" Each green
pea may contain an electric shock and
the result OF eating a single portion
may be shocking. II this comes 20
pass Just blame Mr.. insult.
There are three kinds OF farming
as you probably don't know. unless YOU
have had ding at IT, The FIRST grade
Is the common or garden variety as
practised by our forbears Then there
Is the up-to-date. rotation.in,crops. an.
plied'ehemistry brand.
And another. Then there Is the ad.
vaneed school as praetised by German
scientists. Secretary OF Agriculture
Wilson and the aforesaid Mr. insult.
This last is guaranteed 10 grow rad.
ishes with the scarlet coat OF a British
grenadier and the rotundity OF a brew.
cry wagon driver.
Here is the recipe for electrical veg.
etable growing. Take one garden
plot and set up posts around II. String
wires across the patch at a height Of
six feet Turn on Commonwealth Edi.
son or North Shore current for eight
hours a day. Watch the vegetables
grow.
The electric current feeds itself into
The ground and the vegetables are
by the vibrations OF the
alterations. Care must be
aiken. II is said, TO observe union
day-or the result win
20 overstimulation. Lake county
armers win watch the result OF the ex- |
)eriment with interest
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
lis the Kellys Who Are Proud Now

Only enough will be printed TO MI ad
vance orders. Tho price IL only one
dollar. Send cash with order"
Have you noticed Kelly since he got
the word from Philadelphia He holds
his head higher than usual and he will
hardly bow TO tho Gradys and tho
Reiilya.
What's come over Kolly7" IA the
question his neighbors are asking.
When n Kelly meets Kelly they
shake hands cordially and the eonyer.
aation IL about their ancestral coat OF
arms.
II always knew that Kelly was ono
OF tho best names In Ireland" said
Edward 7. Kelly. president OF the 4.
T. Kelly company. publishers, "but I
didn't know we were descendants OF
kings until ! got the letter from a
family tree concern the other day.
More than tifty men OF my name have
spoken 20 mo about Il, as they also
received letters on the subject.
There is only one way TO spell the
name. and that 10 K-e-doubie I.y.
Those who slip In the extra Z between
l. and are not the real Keliys. the |
descendants OF Irish royalty"
James w. Kelly. secretary OF
Thomas Kelly a bro. plumbers sup
plies. said Il was not news 10 him that
10 was tho lineal descendant OF a king
II Ireland.
Sure the Kellya are the greatest
'eople In Ireland" said he. There Is
10 name in Irish history that stands
'ut like Kelly. He ean-like Kelly can.
don't want TO speak disparasingly OF
my Irish name. but Kelly beats them
H."
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Sand For Ducks.

Some people have notion thal
ducks and geese do not need grit be
cause they are not seen picking uF
large PARTICLES OF stone. They do not
need as large a size OF grit as hens
DO. for they get sand when pudding
In the bottom OF the creek and
streams where they forage for weeds
and ,nsh. Duoklings should be PRO
vided with plenty OF sand. which takes
the place OF grit So thoroughly do
some duck raisers believe In grit that
they mix sand In the feed that they
give their young ducts.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Use OF separator

We make butter and think II pays
much better than selling milk. We
only have to take our butter to market
once week. while. II We sold our
milk We should have TO 30 every day.
and now We have our skim milk and
buttermilk for pigs and chickens. and
have all tho cream We want and make
as much money as n we sold milk.
We have tubular cream separator.
barrel churn and butter worker, says
a writer In an exchange We make
about $50 pounds OF butter a month
from eight cows and we average over
81 cents for our butter the year round
10 private customers.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

NEW YoRK.-Mrs. Nathan Jasper,
~ wife Of contractor. saved her hus-
band nom possible death at the hands
OF burglar recently by throwing a
cup of vinegar into the burglars eyes
and binding him.
The man went to Jasper and told
him he was starving His appearance
bore out his story. Jasper gave him
money for food. and told him he would
put him to work When the Jaspers
were getting ready for bed they found
the man IN q closet OF their apart
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Hls Inspiration.
Isn't inspiration queer thingf"

Isn't inspiration a queer thingY"
Il suppose so. What about it?"
why, few weeks ago had a red
hot squabble with my wife over /
dressmaker's bill. and when I cam,
down TO the once was mad enough
20 chew spikes. Then | sat down al
my desk and wrote a little poem on
Help the Erring Brother With a Sin
gle Kindly Word' And say, those
verses. born OF bitterness and nour,
ished by anger. have been copied In
the leading newspapers all over thg
cOuntryl How's thatG"
Fine. Why don't you improve on
the ideal"
'How3"
why. get mad enough TO beat up
your wife, set fire TO the house, shoot
a policeman-and then write an epie
that will so laundering down the
sges."
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
HAS NO REAL PLACE
siNcERlTY NOT WANTED IN THe
WORLDS AFFAIRS.
Man Who Set Out to BE Absolutely
Truthful In All Things Announces
That He Quickly Dlseov.
cred the Fact.

Il will be sincere" said 10 myself
mo matter what II costs me, I will
say exactly what think at all times
and all places. will have nothing
to do with shams and pretenses and
conventions" So / went out and
tried II
ITO the FIRST man met I stated my
position and my intention OF speaking
my mind. The man grasped me by
The hand as though was his long lost
brother.
you are the man for mel" he de.
elared. I'm sick OF the conventional
humbug Of the world We will be
friends. you and I. and we will always
say exactly what we mean 20 each
other. and tell each other our real
opinions"
we WILL" said I, "and as n start,
! should like 10 say that the color of
that tie you have on does not suit you
at all A man with your complexion
should never wear red tie." But my
new.found friend was n Socialist, and
he felt as though ho was saying his
creed every time he caught sight Of
pis red tie In n shop window, so. after
slight argument, he remembered a
previous engagement and vanished.
l was somewhat puzzled. but went |
on my way, and presently met a nice,
pretty girl. and to her unfolded my
philosophy.
I'm awfully glad you've told me-"
she said. y get 30 tired Of all tho
silly things people say TO one. and
have no often longed for friend who
would tell mo what he really thought
OF me. You will. won't your"
Il WILL" I promised. "T1l begin
now. You say you got tired Of people
who say silly things to you. but really
you like them"
But Il happened that she was n Riri
who prided herself on being sincere.
who explained 10 herself many times
daily that she only dld conventional
things because "ono had TO-" and 40
sho was not NJ all pleased. She told Z
mo In tones Of perfect pollteneaa that {
was quite mistaken. and went on {
10 talk 20 another man who told her q
what a relief II was 20 meet some Z
one who was not afraid Of calling n 4
'pado n spade. q
But at last I found an old lady, n v
old lady. who was not In the a
east ashamed OF being old and look. s
ng old. To her I made. aa In duty u
'ound. my declaration Of absolute and N
noompromislng truthfulnosa, but In.
tead OF composing odea In my honor d
he sat up and shook her finger at @,
10. v,
Now. nowi" nhe said. THAT won't ~
0 with mo. young man. All tho men m
no want 10 pay the most outrageous tr
ompiimontn begin like that. and I've IN
card too many OF them" And tho Ga
Iore protested my complete sincere. ca
,. tho less aho would believe mo. la
Bo what was ! 10 dof To Try 20 be 30
noere with myself was about the
iiy thing left After few moro on. 10,
'rienees OF tho same sort. which pc
variably brought the same results, inl
decided that real sincerity didn't Do
eupy very permanent place IN this sp,
orld's Araira. co
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

OOO,OOO. to use round numbers, he haI
worked hard enough TO earn recrea
ton. This Is the accomplishment o
Mr. Hitchcock and no one will be
grudge him al the rest he can take
during the hot months He said when
he left that he expected to be gone
only few weeks. so he'll be back al
his desk before long fighting that def.
cit again.
To look at Hitchcock person
wouldn't think he ever would get
tired. He's a six footer and built like
an athlete. He's not only built like an
athlete. but he once was one OF no
mean ability. He was the champion
heavyweight boxer at Harvard. But
the strongest Of men sometimes get
tired and Mr.. Hitchcock Is like the
rest OF us.
Had Frank II. Hitchcock chosen 10
be pugilist-his sensitive nature pro.
hibited even such thought-it is
likely that he would have been the
champion. He had the slse, the
strength. the skill. and. best Of all. the
intellect
A story has been told Of bout that
came on at the White House one day
and aa Il never has been denied, nj.
though Mr. Hitchcock. even with his
closest friends. has refused 10 discuss
Il. II Ia repeated here.
Everybody knows that Theodore
Roosevelt Ia no slouch with the gloves.
lie Ia n sorapper OF the Tom sharkey
type and likes TO slug.
One day Hitchcock was nj the |
White House on business and preal. |
dent Roosevelt invited him down TO
tho gymnasim IN the basement Tho
president tossed pair OF gloves TO
Hitchcock and said: Put 'em on" AZ
The same time he drew on another
pair. Mr.. Hitchcock peeled on his
coast and vest and followed orders.
In a minute the president of the
United States and the then assistant
postmaster general were at II. Rooae.
'elt didn't like II because Hitchcock
vas using only slight taps.
Hit" he shouted. KNOCK mo out
you can
Again Hitchcock obeyed orders OF
Iia chief. smashl went a straight
ab on the presidential face. DULY"
runted Roosevelt You can't do Il
gain" Bingl A right swing stagger.
d the president
Il guess that's enough" exclaimed
Roosevelt Il can't afford TO be going
round with a black eye. But n
ERE not the president I'd like 10 night
ais out with you"
ANY time you say. Mr.. President"
splied tho obliging Mr.. Hitchcock.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
onowlna chloorv.

Chicory can be grown wherever car.
rots can be grown; culture the same.
This refers 70 ehieory OF commerce.
which is used as an adulterant OF COT.
fee. Sow the large rooted variety. II
salad is wanted. SOW the common
variety, which should be transplanted
In sand In the cellar and kept moder.
ately moist, when new growth will
start This second growth is very high.
H priIed BY French and German
oookA
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

stenographer In the general assembly
OF New York. became private ssers
tary 10 several public officials, report
er OF the New York constitutional con,
yention and In 1894 district attorney.
Next We find him a stehographer In
the once OF Governor Roosevelt. He
attracted the attention OF the future
president and was made private seere-
tary. He held this position until
Rooseyelt's term OF governor expired
and then became the colonsl's secre-
tary while Roosevelt was vice-presi.
dent. When Roosevelt was made
president upon the death OF McKin.
ley. Loeb followed him TO the White
House and after Mr.. Cortelyou was
appointed postmaster general Loeb be.
came private secretary. In his term
OF ONCE at the White House the title
was changed from private secretary
TO that OF secretary 10 the president.
There have been many secretaries
to presidents or private secretaries as
you may wish TO call them. but there
have been few who had anything on
Mr.. Loeb.
II is doubtful II any other secretary
had such tasks to perform as were
those set by Roosevelt for his aid.
Loeb was an ideal buffer for a pres.
ldent He had a knack OF handling
big matters quickly and expeditiously. |
II mistakes were made he could shoul-
der the blame In a fash and often
lid. He knew the men the president
wanted to see and the ones he didn't
md 1t was seldom that the wrong per
ION got past him.
From the White House Mr.. Loeb
vent to New York as collector Of the
'ort President Taft gave him the
OBJ. His work In that once Is OF such
ecent occurrence that little Is neces-
airy to be said
Now Taft is said TO want Loeb as
oVernor OF the Empire state. Politi.
ians who were used to running things
New York until Hughes became
overnor want none OF Loeb for they
now they cannot handle him. He has
will OF his own and Is not afraid
, exercise IL
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
PLAY ON APES FEAR
HOW sHREwD KEEPERS MANAGE
UNRULY ANIMAL.
cowsrdlce and Curiosity, Its TIVE
Weak Points, Are utilized When
Force and Persuasion Alike
Have No Effect.

The superintendent OF western
geological institution has taught his
employees 20 manage animals by indi
rect methods, akin TO those by which
nervous children are controlled by
wise parents A rhinoceros had an ab.
scess In It's face. The question was:
Did II come from bad tooth. or did
Z only need lancing7 The superin.
tendent simply said 10 the keeper:
Give him a new birch broom" The
-hinoceros at once ate lt grinding up
he bits with great gusto. "Ahl You
see his teeth are all right" said the
superintendent, and the next day the
1bscess was lanced with sharp bill
hook.
The diagnosis was as ingenious as
his method OF managing Billy, a re.
fractory chimpanzee. The big ape
needed exercise. This he obtained by
being allowed the run OF the large
monkey house, instead Of remaining
IN a side room, before the visitors
came. AZ he knew he would be caught
and put back into his own compart.
nent at this hour, the ape used TO
limb TO the top OF the other monkeys
ages and refuse 10 come down.
As he could not be tempted with
ood. the superintendent appealed to
liz mind by working on what he had |
loted TO be his weak points, curiosity
nd oowardice.
The superintendent went 10 the
.eeper and. touching him gently on
he shoulder. directed HIS attention in
mysterious manner 20 the dark pas.
age underneath the gas pipe that
the house. pretending TO
olnt out somo horrible unknown crea-
ire. using an energetic manner. but
aging nothing except words 20 this
meets Look QUIT There no isi
here he Isl" AZ the same time the
No men would peer into the dark =
lace under the gas pipe.
Tho monkey, on such occasions,
ould come down 10 SEQ what the sub.
ot OF fear and interest was, and
st then tho superintendent aud the
'eper In unison would shout. Hes
ming outi He's coming outl" and
ould rush away IN the direction OF |
liys cage. Tho monkey would dash
the same place OF safety. which
10 bo tho door OF his own
use. and sometimes enter II before =
ON. q
Tho monkey has never learned tho d
coption. but "a taken In by n Il
'enever the time comes 20 finish his "
'rning'n airins.-Tho Sunday Maga. Al
10.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

Aviation Isn't safe yet and there's
no telling when the aeroplane IA 20
ing to buckle or the gas bag of a diri.
gible explode. so It's a safe coniee.
ture that Emperor William Of Ger
many. King George OF England. King
Alfonso Of Spain and some Of the
other monarchs are not going TO risk
their royal heads In the air and nut
the affairs OF their country In icon.
ardy Just TO go soaring among tho
clouds.
Imagine President Taft up in nm
aeroplane. To put Il another way.
Imagine the aeropiane that would car.
ry the 300 pounds OF the chief execu.
tive OF the United States. It's prob.
able that Theodore Roosevelt would
enjoy nothing better than n trlp 10 tho
clouds. His daughter. Mrs. Long.
worth Is said 70 have expressed her
eagerness to make flight and may
yet do so. but it'g safe 20 say that the
royal rulers Of the empires across tho
pond are not going 10 follow the ex.
ample OF Ferdinand OF Bulgaria. who
at Harsello. near Lego. enjoyed tho
experience OF flying twice around tho
klowit aerodromo on n machine pilot.
cd by Chevalier dc Laminne.
When he started out with his son.
Boris and Cyril. 20 watch the flights.
his majesty had not the faintost lnten.
lion OF leaving terra nrma. but after
seeing the chevaliers exploits his nat.
liral enthusiasm and love OF sport got
The better OF hls discretion.
Ferdinand mounted the aeroplano
With the chevalier and II rose grace.
ully and easily into the air, remain.
ng up eight minutes and half After
he came down the hing said his expo.
ience had been delightful one.
u have never" he said. experienced
nything that made mo forget affairs
4 state 40 completely. I shall do my
'eat 10 Introduce aviation Into Bul.
aria"
Some OF the others would like 20
orget the AFFAIRS OF state. but they
'ill hardly take 10 the clouds for tho
urpose.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Only Cause for smokInu Out.

A New York youngster who lives A,
a neighborhood where disease makes
frequent fumigations necessary re-
turned from his first visit TO the eoun,
try with the astonishing Information
that Farmer Jones eoons and wood.
ehueks had been laid up with scarlet
fever, The summer teacher abhors
nature taking, so she admonished him
not 10 tell abs.
"But that amt no lie." said he
Didn't | see the tree they lived in
wild me own eyes, an didn't hear
Mr., Jones tell how he had had 10
>moke 'em outf"
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
A BIT Too Faeetlous.

Urchin-Is this the ONCE OF the
Bugle? Well. sir. | have come to sub
scribe for your paper.
Editor with a genial smile)-Why.
sonny, you don't look quite big enough
to do such thing as that.
Urchin-Sir, II a man has TO be
measured for his subscription at this
ofice shall subscribe for the Palla-
dium just across the street. Good day,
Tribune.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
The Wary Nsstrxman

Mr.. church-Whewl how it's rain
ing. lend me your umbrella. dear I've
got to run over 10 the vestry meeting
Mrs. Church-But why not use that
umbrella you've been carrying all
weekG
Mr.. Church-Whatl to tho yestry
meetingf Why. that's where | got n
Catholic Standard and Times.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
cleanInu lin auos

Remember that young turkeys mus
have animal food in the shape OF grass
hoppers and bugs. and this is theiI
big harvest month.
Black squash bugs get In their dead
ly work In June and July, Hand pick.
ing soon after daylight Is the only
safe way to outwit them.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
Toe Mueh for onA Ea.

The young man had talked for te.
or nfteen minutes without a break
when the girl at the other end OF the
wire interrupted.
Just moment, Guyl" she said.
What is II. Fledaf"
i want to change the receiver 10
the other ear. This one's tired chi.
>Rgo Tribune.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19
k,IkZI[[HI ILllzE!dl|1 |!|I|!|'l !ll!l||1
HITCHCOCK IN EUROPE
TO GET DESERVED REST

Z X A N X II
L HIT G II G OCK.
postmaster gener
al, has gone to
Europe to get a
short rest. He
deserves II. When
a man, In the
short length Of
time that Mr..
Hitc h c o ok has
been In office.
cuts down a pos
tai deficit from
S1S.OOO.OOO $40.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

Parent-My wife aud were partic-
ularly gratifed over a letter received
from our boy the other day announc-
ing that he leads his class.
College Professor-Ah. yes; the
boys march into class In alphabetical
order.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-08-19

WELL dear. suppose you have
been wondering where wasf"
NO, Johnny told me you were next
door listening 20 the music"
~He was mistakeni ! was NEXT door
listening to the phOnogr4