Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1910-09-19

We are familiar with the sullen small
boy who screams when others smile and
kicks his fond parents on the shins when
they attempt to coax him. You have GER
tainly felt that burning, gnawing pas
sion to kick the bodily manifestation of
the same germ into infnity on a score of
occasions, and would have done so had it
not been for the parental extenuation of
the little dear.
How mysterious are the ways of par
enthood. and how just. They know that
the poor little fellow is not responsible:
that it is only the frightful germ that
has crept into his system. Some say it
is due to his having pie when he should
have had corned beef and cabbage;
others blame it upon the ministrations of
an indulgent grandma. And there are au-
thorities who aver that a good piece of
hickory, say, half an inch in diameter
applied at the right spot in time. will
check the growth of the germs as quickly
as anything The born crouch is to be
pitied. The germ has such hold upon
him that it is practically incurable; but
for the affected crouch, germ or no germ,
there can be little sympathy. The man
who thinks for any reason that he is
more impressive. more a man for an as
sumed air of cynicism, pessimism and
all the other unfortunate isms that go to
make up the crouch, should be hobbfed
and set to feed on chips at a safe dis
lance from polite society to prevent fur
ther contagion.
The dyspeptic crouch is truly victim
of misfortune. and of all the srouches is
most deserving of a share of sympathy
and a large allowance of coaXing. But
the disgruntled' crouch, the man who
pouts and shows the same symptoms as
the born crouch in his earliest stages,
could be remedied with full and vigor-
ous allowance of the same medicine, the
stout hickory-only let it be club.
We hear SO much about the blessed
sunshine, and there are so many dear lit
tie books published in holiday season to
gather dust on the tables of ones inoffen-
sive friends which have that sweet, OPP
timistic tone. that if there is any virtue
in them. the mother of grouchy house
hold should have no difficulty in allay ing
the family complaint She could buy
them by the gross about Christmas and
serve them with the meals for full year
at a trifing cost.
The crouch germ itself was discovered
in Kansas City by an !enterprising man.
DR.. E. l.. Matthias The doctor has OBJ
served that the germ is fond of torrd
weather. More than this, he is fully per-
Suaded that the germ attacks none but
man. Beyond this the diet, appearance
habits and mannersms of the germ are
unknown and offer a wide and profitable
field of research to the enterprising inves-
might not be considered impertinent, in
asmuch as no one has adopted the germ
for his private property as yet.
First. catch crouch. They are numer-
Gus in all ATTITUDES, and it matters little
which species you begin with; only. as a
matter of mercy spare the dyspeptic
crouch, because he is least responsible.
Having secured the crouch fairly in q
recumbent position. face down, elevate a
broad. stout stick above his person and
proceed instinct dictates. AS the
germs escape, bottle them for future in
If they do not come. keep on
The treatment, for a Crouch the less IN
the interests of science is small loss.
1t might he well to add that there are
ohychic treatments which are just as eff
fective in Kidding a subject of the crouch
germ. but they presuppose such qualities |
in the operator as patience, forbearance,
tact and no little, determination. After
all. If one can afford to dispense with
dignity, the physical treatment is quick |
est and most certain of lasting results
Philadelphia North American.