Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1910-10-14

cherries little hall bedroom. The poor
fellow had every reason to be dlscon-
solate and blue. When he reached MS
lodgings toward morning he was OBJ
1iged 70 borrow a quarter from the jan
itor to pay his cabby with, and now
busy boiler factory was working over
time in his throbbing head.
What the devil am l to do?' ne
finally exclaimed irritably. "A hne
town st. Petersburg-yes! Not a
murder. not a suicide, not even de-
cent burglary!
And truth TO tell Kumoff's complaint
was fully justified. During whoie
week not a soul had been accommo-
dating enough to cut throat, poison
or stab anybody. 1t was too disgust
ing. In despair he had written a story
himself-decent enough, he thought
the editor called it punk and in turn
ing it down said: "Shoemakers must
not bake bread and bakers must not
mend shoes. 1t is up to you, my boy.
But, great Scott, do you want me TO
starve?"
Great news" was the laconic reply
of the editor in chief f-publisher-owner'
the "old man" of the whole establish
ment.
But if nothing happens! II ther"
is nothing doing%
Nothing doing" repeated the edi-
tor scornfully. LAS if in city OF more
than a million inhabitants there
wouldn't be the usual number OF
thieves, toughs and tramps-in every
house there is something going on-t
is for you to get busy
PERHAPS you think that l ought 10
go out and murder some one ana theh
write the story myself"
mo objection" said the old man,
with imperturbable placidity.
And can't you give me few rubles
on account" asked Kumoff despon-
IDENTITY.
Not a kopeck. You have been paid
for fourteen stories in advance"
Kumoff left the office more disgusted
than ever. Every policeman knew him
and he hailed them all with the same
question: Anything happened|'
No, nothing, Ossian Kumof," they
replied, with a sort of plying sympa-
thy, for they knew that such an an
swer was death to him.
At one corner he saw ray of hope
Something has happened" cried the
policeman on the beat-the ray was an
ilusion-a shoemaker had knocked MS
wife on the head with bOOt-that was
all.
"Bosh. call that anything" shifted
Kumoff disdainfully, for that l don't
get forty kopeck-no, l must have
murder, a twenty ruble murder-thatS )
what l must have!
We'll nothing like that has happen
ed" said the policeman.
What are you policemen good Tor
anyhow" growled the reporter.
I'VE do the best we can and are not
dissatisfied" was the rather apologetic
reply. "Of course people fight little
everywhere, but not enough to he run
in."
"Chumps," sneered Kumoff, they
haven't even spunk enough to get up
respectable scrap"
He scurried about town in every dl-
rection, but st. Petersburg proved TO
be worse than its reputation, II was
as quiet as a country village. Al
corner he ran a cross fellow reporter
on an afternoon sheet.
Anything going on?" queried this
one. eagerly.
Go to the devil" roared Kumoff.
What is the crouch"
II am disgusted and have right to
be. This town is paradise.
Yes. it's pretty slippery" agreed MS
friend.
"Oh. you have nothing to complain
of with your 'high-brow' items.
must have a murder! l don't under
stand your: Prof. X. has discovered
flint fam gull in fragment OF aurora
borealis-forty kopeck; Dr. Il. has on-
tanned a tadpOle through an eclipse
twenty-five kOpeck; or Rector .. mas
found a new species of crocodile in
all right-but I-put yourself in my
place"
Il have a ruble!"
Kumoffs face frightened at once.
They were off Immediately to a res
taurant for a spread. \ friend joined
them, and he proposed that they should
drink Kumoff under the table, to when
the latter did not offer the least ohJec-
tion. In this way they passed some
iovous hours, but the following morn
ing our poor reporter was as mourn
ful as ever. The boiler factory in his
head pounded with such vigor that ne
could not even remain in bed.
81 must out and get fresh air-that
at least don't cost anything.
He dressed rapidly and went out.
The policemen met him with their
usual hopeless and plying air.
Nothing" he asked, just as mat
ter of habit.
"Only trifles, nothing worth men,
tioning."
Again he wandered about town all
dav. toward evening he was so hungry
that he went to the Golden Tankard
inn and ordered a portion of sturgeon
and a bottle of vodka. His conscience
murmured. What are YOU t" pay
WITH" He quieted this objection by
arguing that necessity knows no law,
and that reporter cannot starve to
death because the stupid St Peters
burgers had taken it int" their heads
to play saints.
When ne had finished his fish ana
drunk his vodka he ordered ham. p"r-
ridge. and a bottle of heer-if there
was to he trouble he might as we'll
make it worth the while. When this
course was duly dispatched ne gaZ"d
critically at the waiter and was lost
for a moment i'm deep thought; h" re-
covered quickly and ordered porter