The Washington herald., 1910-01-23
CITATIONSFROM UNCLE sly
The North Pole
By DENNIS MAY

Why Silas Sewers ever should have
been called Uncle" nobody could salts
factorlly explain, for he had no relatives
that any one ever heard of. Neither was
it known whence he had drifted, in the
early sos. TO the sleepy little Virginia
village Of Vaudeville He was young
then. and vigorous, and spent no money
except for chewing tobacco Che raised his
smoking tobacco himselD and for a gal
ion of whisky for the Fourth OF July and
another for Christmas Thus, by in
dustry and economy. he had accumulated
enough to buy a little farm. wherein he
constructed one-stOry frame dwelling OF
two rooms, of which he said that one was
his bedroom and the other wasn't In
fact, the other is used for nearly all the
purposes to which a room could be put
as parlor. sitting-room. drawing-roorn,
kitchen. pantry. store room. cellar. meat
house. and dairy. once he went 50 far as
to refer to it as his guest chamber
Here he has lived tile simple life in its
simplest form. doing mis- own blowing
with his old gray mule, harvesting his
little crops Of corn and potatoes, keeping
his garden, milking his brindle COW. max
ing his butter. feeding his three OF four
squealing pigs, and giving close attention
TO his cackllng fowls, OF almost every
known breed and color. from the i'm
pudent little bantams TO the stately leg
horns and Cochin Chinas with feather
busters on their feet Moreover, he did
I
but. az he has not been extravagant either
in food or clean clothing. his duties as
chef and laundryman have not been oner-
Gus. So he has lived a lonely bacf elor
existence until his figure has been stoepe5
with age and toll and his bushy hair and
beard have been griZZled, but his clear
blue eyes still look brightly from beneath
shaggy brows and ne steps along in
his heavy boots winter and summer.
with something Of youthful vigor.
Though his voice is shrill and his man
ner gruff he has a friendly air until he
engages in any kind OF controversy. and
then he bears down upon his adversary
with all the ruthlessness Of a pirate bent
upon a capture.
The village blacksmith. Bud Sampson,
of about his own age. is his particular
chum. Bud is stout, clean shaver, ford,
and bald. making a strong contrast to
Uncle Sy's gray gauntness. They have
been almost inseparable for forty years
and have a strong mutual affection. Tn
Gle sy spends most OF his leisure at Buds
shop. and Bud is frequently a guest at
Uncle Sy's farmhouse Yet they are con-
tinually arguing about everything under
the sun-politics. law, science religion,
and social questions without number.
Both close readers Of the daily papers.
the Bible, the alunanacs, and few old
histories. and the text books from which
they had CLEANED the rudimentaTy knOwl-
edge Of their school days With weapons
drawn from this armory. they assault
each other almost every day As Uncle
Sy's shriu voice and Buds rough bass are
raised upon the opposite sides OF these
questions, stranger would suppose that
the argument could end no otherwise
than in murder. OF, at the very least, in
an assault with intent 10 kill But those
who are familiar with their wordy wars
know that, though these fierce conflicts
have been waging for forty years, no
blow has been struck nor even an hour 5
estraagement resulted. Having recently
returned to AIiGdleviue, after some years
/ absence as g newspaper reporter in sew
eral cities Of the West. and being advised
By my physician 10 take several months
rest on my fathers farm in the neighbOr-
hood, I find no more entertaining way Of
employing my leisure time than loafng
around where I can listen 10 Uncle Sy
and Bud Sampson discourse upon the top
les Of the day and with a little practice
I have acquired a facility for writing down
these discourses with almost literal pre-
cisiOn. Uncle Sy always does most Of the
taIking-and some times all OF it-Bud
contenting himself with a mild dissent or
with grumbling, growing, or thunder
ing out a few terse objections.
Bud recognizes that Uncle Sy is his ST.
perior in point of volubility and sustained
effort. but he prides himself upon the fact
that he can condense more argument into
a sentence than Uncle Sy could utter in
an hours talk I always noticed he
said, that a rife carries q heap sight
further than a scatteTation shotgun and
the thunder rolls around long time while
the lightning does the real work in a jiffy.
Uncle Sy talks an hour for every minute
he thinks. but I wad my thoughts up into
a chunk and then knock him gally west
!, with t."
Uncle Sy says Bud has TO hammer on
an idea in his mind for about half a day
before he can hit off a spark while. as
for himself, he just naturally showers
sparks all the time ike a house afre. OF
the accuracy of these modest estimates the
reader must Judge for himself Nv own