The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-07-22
Bangs, of Boston.

Hail TO Mr.. Bangs. of Boston! The
eternal problem. How to be happy,
though married" he seems 10 have solved
with a wisdom that should commend
his example to all of the ignoble army
Of bachelors, and to have pointed a way
which, If sedulously followed, should for
ever settle and set at rest any mis-
glvlugs there may be as to a race-suicide
problem In this country.
Mr.. Bangs. at the cheerful age OF sixty
seven, has just taken 70 his bosom his
fifth wife The other four in the church.
yard lie. for Mr.. Bangs has found matri-
mony blissful and happy state, and
none OF his thrifty income has been fritz
tered away on fees il the divorce court
Assiduous in the matrimonial cause he
has seen four Of his helpmeets laid TO rest
may the grass grow green upon their
graves. With all of them he had been
happy; and cheerfully he says he hopes
TO be happy with his fifth.
What is the secret? Thrift. thrift,
I1o4 aAioF % I1aAiiiSt says al tAtob lNOla-
ton with its following passage about
the funeral baked meats
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables
Which seems TO have a certain aptness
to the case of Mr.. Bangs. of Boston.
For Bangs says that all can be
happy in the married state if they win
follow his plan Says he:
Marriage need never be failure if
both parties to the contract take out life
insurance. I have buried four wives, and
each one of them had $500 Insurance.
II had died, they would have received
the same amount. It was only a case Of
luck, and I shall insure my intended
bride, who is TO be my fifth wife, for the
same amount"
Lucky bride, indeed! Can you not
imagine the glories of that honeymoon?
The application fled. the policy issued.
and of the happy pair start on tho we'd
ding journey. She has no anxieties any
more; in her unselfsh love she knows
that, whatsoever may happen to her. Bangs,
Of Boston, is provided for. Already he
has CLEANED $4,000; with what Joy and
delight will she. true wife. go TO her
last slumber. knowing that her demise
has made it $4,000 for Bangs.
And yet, there be doubts! It may be
that the fifth Mrs. Bangs has hopes. He
himself has said, 1T was only a case OF
luck" and IL the present Mrs. Bangs
thinks at all Of her four predecessors
may she not wonder whether it is not
about time for the luck TO change? To
| her lot It may fall TO inherit the happi.
ness left behind by the other four A
man so thrifty as Bangs so careful
about his insurance policies, is not the
man to squander $4,000 lightly, and wher
/ he takes his place beside the four who
have gone before. It well may be that
Mrs. Bangs, the fifth. will reap the JUS
reward that comes TO her who takes
would be something distasteful, not L
say lettering, in the thought of the foul
| 5000 wives, and IN the idea that she
! too. was entering the running. Blu
/ philosophy teaches us that all good thing.
must end. and the luck of Mr.. Bang,
may not hold out much longer; and ever
If. before he dies he loses another
wife or two and collects some more In
surance policies, the effect viii be t,
make him a sort of golden prize ant
matrimonial lottery; for his plan has thi
must lose at the last.