Republican news item. [volume] (Laport, Pa.) 1896-19??, 1910-02-24
so suppose they ended by not SEND
ing any kind of word to their wives.


Do you wonder that telephone girls
consent to listen to the tinkle Of their
own wedding bells?
But the men who come hero to
send phone excuses to their wives
don't mind the telephone girl at all.
They take 1t for granted that the
, telephone girl is used to all that stun
which. Of course, she really is-and
so they aren't a particle shy about
discussing just what lies they're go
ing to try to fix up for their wives.
! Why, some of them even ask me to
suggest new excuse!
"Only a couple of evenings ago !
had q case like that. He was a care.
less looking middle-aged man, and he
was twisting his mustache and looking
real reflective as he sauntered toward
me here. He gave me the number he
wanted, and then he leaned over-not
leeringly or flirtily at all. understand.
but Just in a cold-blood businesslike
way-and he said:
"'Got anything new in the square
it-at-home liner
"Of course, knew perfectly weN
what he meant, but wasn't going to
admit 1t. But my refusing to admit
1t didn't cark him any.
GA thing that there's a great, cry.
ing need for he said to me In a re-
fective tone, is sort Of Everyday
Book of Lies" A little brochure like
that would save tired people like N.Y.
self, for example, lot of trouble. For
instance, If there were such a book
on file here at the present moment Id
be spared not a little irking thought
I'd just turn over to the section Of the
book devoted to the particular kind Of
lie that desire at present to employ,
and there 1t would be, as pat as fel-
lows strictly original toast that he
gets out of Book of Toasts." I'm
going to suggest the building Of such
a book to some writing fellows Of my
acquaintance. 1t could be called "The
Handy Liar" or "One Thousand Pat
Lies" or Lies For Every Occasion"
or something equally descriptive and
satisfying. In the meantime, hang 1t
all, wonder what I'm going to
and the rest of 1t dribbled of into q
sort Of humble. l was too busy with
other excusers a minute or so later
to listen to what kind Of an excuse he
was giving his wife over the phone;
but I'll bet 1t was an ingenious one.
That's the worst of 1t, by the
way-the wheedling, deceitful way
thn ho inv alt "a
yarns tell them to their wives over
the phone. l can't help but overhear
a good deal Of that stun on the line,
and sometimes feel as II could
jump up and shake the men who are
telling their wives those shocking,
bamboozling stories that I've heard
them make up in talk with each other
only q minute or SO before.
"'Well.' man will say to his COM
panion, III see II I can uncoil that
one on her, and he gives me the num-
Der and goes into the booth. Pres
emily l hear him making his little
opening talk.
"'Dou heart the horrid rufllan
says to her In sort of languishing
tone. is that you? Bjinks. but it's
nice to hear your dear little voice,
honey bug! Say. little wan. there
wasn't chance on earth for me to
make the dinner thing at home this
evening and then he plunges in and
unreels the dreadful story he has
made up. 1T sure did make me sore.'
he goes on then, to be kept downtown
like that. I'd a million times rather
be mooching around the little nest
with my blubbsywubbsy, and you
know 1t, but and then he goes on
with q lot more like that, perhaps
winking all the time at his grinning
companion standing outside the booth,
and 1t certainly is enough to give
anybody what they call the biggest
kind Of q line on men and their
ways.
Not, Of course, am glad to say.
that these men get away with theif
'phoned excuses every time. or any
thing like every time. AS q matter OF
fact, should say that they don't put
their yarns over more than about
in three times, and notice that the
men who succeed in making their
stories stick are usually the youngish
sort Of men, who look as II they're not
long married.
''The thing, by the way, that gets
all Of these phone excusers is a lit
tie intimation from the wife that she's
going out herself. That's the one
number they can't stand. 1t stam-
pedes them every time when wife at
the other end of the line says in Q
sort Of careless tone that she doesn't
mind how long they stay out, because
she's going out with little party her
self. 1t gets 'em every time, and they
never fail to become sober and som.
ber and gloomy-jawed right away and
"a l,aa4 Il I'm To, THAR hoaa "a a faaf