The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-04-29

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Please, sir, bad medicine.
Young Woman (adoringly)-It must
be awfully nice to be wise and know
oh -everythingl College STUDENT
1t is.
what did you say last night when
Jack asked you to marry htmf" ~
shook my head" sideways or up apa
DOWN."
She-How did you know was so
ing to wear my hair curled this event
ing? He-I saw it in the papers thls
morning. St
First Fair Invalid-Which kind OF
doctor do you prefer-the allopathic
or the homeopathic? Second Fair In.
valid--I prefer the sympathetic.
Bobbie Ito Featherstone) did you
know that you were relative of ours2
Featherstone-Since when? Mother
says you are our weak brother"
Boy-A man came in and said he
wanted to squeeze some money out of
you. Boss-What did you tell hint
Boy--I said was sorry you weren't
In.
Kitty" said her mother rebuking.k
ly, "you must sit still when you are
at the table" Il can't mamma" pro. I
tested the little girl. "I'm fidge-
tartan"
"On what ground, madam, do you
desire divorce from your husbands"
"Intolerable cruelty; he put the date
Of my birth in the family Bible
Chicago News.
What bad toothache you've got"
"No: but I'm calling on the dentist for
the money he owes me, and this is the
only way can get into his house.
Fliegende Blatter.
Women vote! Never, sir, with my
consent" why notY What! And
have my wife losing thirty-dollar hats
to other women on the election!"--
Boston Transcript
Mrs. Newbrida- Boohool Henry
threw biscuit at me. One that
made myself, too. Mother-The mon.
sterl He might have killed you
United Presbyterian.
How much does 1t cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. That
depends entirely on how long you
live" replied the sad-looking man.
Philadelphia Record.
isn't your hat rather curious in
shape? asked the uniformed man.
Certainly" answered his wife. It has
to be. Any hat that wasn't curious In
shape would look queer"
The Girl (rather weary. at 1880 p.
m. III don't know thing about base
bail. The Beau-Let me explain 1t to
you. The Girl--Very well. give me an
illustration of home run.
Lottie-Is your young minister so
very, very fascinating? Hattie-Fas.
cinatingl Why, lots OF girls in our
church have married men they hated.
Just to get one kiss from the rector
after the ceremony.-Puck.
Chumpleigh-Well, my dear. I had
my life insured for $4,000 to-day. Mrs.
Chumpleigh-I'm glad you did. John.
Now you won't have to be SO careful
about lodging street cars and auto
mobiles Chicago Daily News.
"The American eagle" said the ora.
tor, knows no fear" "Yes," replied
Mr.. Sirius Barker. "the American eagle
is mighty lucky. Any bird that isn't
good enough to eat has a right to con-
graduate itself these days. Washing
ton Star.
Physician--Have you any aches or
pains this morning? Patient-Yes.
doctor: 1t hurts me to breathe; In fact.
the only trouble now seems to be with
my breath. Physician--All right. I'll
give you something that will soon stop
that-Boston Globe.
Aunt Spinsterly-I hope that your
opinions uphold the dignity Of our sex.
Mamie. and that you believe that every
woman should have vote? Mamie
l don't go quite so far as that, auntie;
but l believe that every woman should
have voter!-Human Life.
Modern Girl-Father. long to be in-
dependent-to rely upon my own exer.
tions for support. What trade or pro.
fession would you recommend Wise
Father-First class cooks made $4,000
a year. Modern girl don't like cook.
ing. It's too feminine!-Ne York
Weekly.
DR.. McCree-My dear Mrs. Goodman.
how could you bring out young child
on such day as this. with such
strong east wind blowing? Mrs. Good
man-Ah, doctor, you will always have
your little joke. How can a child Of
this age possible know what wind it
is?-Tit-Bits.
II hope you don't mind me asking
said the young woman, difidently,
"but should call you professor 81
doctor?" "Oh. call me anything you
like" was the great mans rejoiner.
some people call me an old idiot.
Really" the lady murrnured, with
sweet innocence. "but then they would
be people who knew you Intimately