davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1910-04-18

IIALL-BORCHERT ADJUSTABLE DRESS
form; almost new. Suite IA, Stanton Bldg,
Raymond and Colorado. Phones: Sunset 249,
Home 93e 4-17-3
Los Angeles herald., 1910-04-18
WANTED
HELP-MALE

wANTED-AD MEN INQUIRE
of classified manager HERALD, bet'eeh
hours s and a. M, and and p. M
Los Angeles herald., 1910-04-18
GEM ETERIES
HOLLYWOOD CEMETERY

Rolling lawns. trees. shrubbery and beauti-
full lakes.
MODERN In EVERY RESPECT
Situated in the most beautiful section of
Southern California, the ideal location just
inside Los Angeles city limits.
Melrose and colegroYe car lines TO grounds.
CEMETERY THAT Is SELECT
AI13l. eOs Laughlln Bldg. Main s91.
Cemetery phones 59O50; Hollywood sac.
Los Angeles herald., 1910-04-18
HEI.P-MALE OR FEMALE
PARTNERS
PARTNERS wANTED-INvESTM
REQUIRED

A MANUFACTURING COMPANY. ABOUT
to be organized. will sell a small block
of reorganization stock. Article costs
approximately SO to manufacture and an
almost unlimited market at $40. No com
petition; abundance OF raw material; best
business opening In Los Angeles; investi-
cation invited Address BOX AL. Her
aid. 4-l1-S
Los Angeles herald., 1910-04-18
FORECAST

Maximum temperature 90.
Minimum temperature 81.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
WHAT / BELIEVE.

| believe in a God who knows his
business, and a devil who is not as
big a fool as some folks.
| believe the Bible is a great deal
nearer right than the smart guys who
assail and denounce it.
believe God made the world, but
the devil has been running it for a
good many years.
| believe the so-called Church of
God is SO sound asleep that Gabriel
will have a hard time waking it.
l believe the belly and the pocket
book call more preachers than God
does.
| believe that if every church-mem-
ber had praying-machine, lots Of
them would forget to wind it.
[ believe that cold water, hard
work, fresh air and sunshine are the
four best remedies known to man.
| believe marriages were originally
manufactured in heaven, but since the
patent ran out the devil has put lots
of substitutes on the market.
| believe the man who isn't as virtu-
Gus as he expects his wife to be ought
to be hung.
I believe when a girl is kicked out
Of society and her destroyer sent to
Congress, there is something wrong
with tho sscvcton
l believe if no liars can go to
heaven, then God and George Wash
ington will have it all to themselves.
l believe if all hypocrites were dead
there wouldn't be enough people left
to bury them.
[ believe the world likes to knock
man down and stomp his innards
out just for the luxury of crying at
his funeral.
I believe, to sum it all up, that the
world contains more fools and big
ger fools today than ever before.
| believe, therefore, that The Fool
Killer is needed, and that it will ''fill
long-felt want
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01

do it. I made a special appeal last
month and the response was very
gratifying, but I want it to be still
better this month. 1t will require
only few minutes of your time to
get up a club of a dozen Or SO, and
if every one of you will do that much
it will make things hum at this end
of the line.
Now, friends, | am going to look
for a regular shower of letters. Get
busy and send in a big club. Take
a fine sight at some of those premiums
| am offering and see if you can't
bring them tumbling to your feet.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
GO TO THE FAIR

Just about now the festive popu-
lation is hunting up it's glad rags
counting out it's small change and
making other Necessary arrangements
for attending the Fair-the County
Fair, the State Fair, and dozen
other kinds of Fairs. Everybody
will go, and they will go to spend
their money, and there is not better
place on earth to get subscriptions to
The Fool-Killer than at the Fairs.
Now, boys, if you want to have the
most fun you ever had and at the
same time earn some valuable prem
iums for yourself, you should send
for a bundle of Fool-Killers and make
tracks for the nearest fair. Just
try it pop.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
RETURNED WITH THANKS.

God sent a Poet and a Dreamer into
the World.
The World put on it's glasses and
looked at the Poet and Dreamer and
shook it's head
Then it picked up a golden pen and
wrote:
Dear Lord God: We thank Thee
for submitting this Poet and Dreamer
for our examination, but regret that
he is not suited to our need. We
therefore beg to return him to Thee
with our kindest regards. Our re-
fusal does not necessarily imply lack
of merit. We are always in the
market for Lawyers and Liars, Doc
tors and Dudes, Soldiers and Snobs
Financiers and Fools; but Poets and
Dreamers are entirely out of our
line.
(signed) THE WORLD.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
DID YOU EVER?

Did you ever stop to notice
In the battles you have won,
That the dub who hollers loudest
Is the first galoot to run?
Did you ever stop to notice,
When you're sizing up mankind,
That the guy who thinks he's wisest
Hasn't hardly any mind?
Did you ever stop to notice
That the loafer and the drone
Who knows how to run your business,
Has no business of his own?
Did you ever stop to notice
That the scamp who loves to tell
Vicious ISLANDERS On another
Is himself as black as hell?
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
HOWDY, FOLKS, HOWDY.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, here
am again. I managed to live
through that period of bachelor
hood" that l told you about last
month, and move the other half of the
firm is here with me again, ready
to do the cooking whenever | can
scare up something to cook.
When my wife read that article
"On Being a Bachelor" in the Au-
gust Fool-Killer, she grabbed her
suitcase, hired Pullman flying ma
chine, and came Topping home at the
rate of two miles minute, expect
ing to find me stretched out on the
floor indulging in all the artistic con-
vulsions of a dying horse. She was
afraid | had either perished to death
or committed suicide by eating my
own cooking.
But she was mistaken on both
counts. When her fying-machine
door with dishrag in one hand and
a newspaper in the other, and was
debating an editorial to the cat.
And now, friends, since my house
keeper and private secretary has
come back to help me | am going to
make The Fool-Killer better than
ever. | will be fed better, of course,
and I will also have more time to
write the immortal hot truck to put
in the paper | am going to make
it so doggon sizzling hot that the
with tongs And | want every one
Of my readers to take keen person
al interest in the success of the
paper. Tell all your neighbors and
friends about The Fool-Killer and
read them few chapters from it.
They will all want it when they learn
that there is such a paper.
I am going to stick to this pro-
position as long as there is life in
my body, and | am going to succeed
in spite of the world, the flesh and
the Q0Vll. D0II0V0 nave DIT l0dSt
one thousand good friends scattered
throughout the United States who
have been reading The Fool-Kille1
for the past several months, and
believe you people understand me
better than my own neighbors. Dear
unseen friends, I am trusting you to
holm mo and haliava Won are going tC
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01

If nothing serous happens to inter
fere with my plans, | am going to
give you a double-geared Joe-darter
of a FOOl-Killer for October. | am
planning to have an engraved head
ing made for the paper, which will
be funny enough to make blind
horse climb church steeple and
sing, Il Feel Like I Look Like
Feel Like | Look"
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
LOOK OUT FOR BILL JIM.

His name was Bill Jim.
But they called him William James
for short
| guess | had better call him "Pro-
fessor," also.
Well, then, Prof. Bill Jim was one
Of them Harvard fellers
He was a brother of Henry Jim,
an English liar of some note.
And Bill was some liar himself.
If he had ever been afflicted with
the disease known as common sense,
he had lived at Harvard so long
that he had gotten entirely we'll of
it.
He believed in spooks and spirits,
hants and hobgoblins, and all that
sort of stuff.
Prof. Bill jim was a great hand to
study spirits. He kept a cage full
of familiar spirits in his room and
studied them every day. He also
kept some in bottle. A liberal use
of the bottled variety enabled him
to see anything he was, looking for
in the spirit line
It was one of Bill Jims pet theo-
ries that the river of death could
be crossed in both directions He
claimed that this world and the next
were connected in some way and that
| if a man could go over he could GER
tainly come back.
| And so in the course of time Bill
Jim promised his friends that when
he died he was going to come back
and tell them how it looked on the
other side of Jordan
Well, Bill jim died the other day.
There is no mistake about it
he has certainly kicked the bucket
passed in his checks, and padded his
own canoe across the dark river.
And now his friends are wondering
:, whether he will keep his promise
They are keeping their eyes and ears
skinned for some sign of his return
to this work-a-day world
One fool fellow sWears he has al
ready got a wireless postcard from
Bill Jim, and he is looking for a
registered telepathogram in the next
mail.
| don't know what train they are
looking for Bill Jim to arrive on, but
they are certain he is coming back.
And they are going to kill rooster,
lput the big pot in the little one, and
lhave feast of wisdom and a flow
of soul at old Harvard once more.
In the meantime, if you see any
ispirit that looks like Bill Jim loaf
ling around, just drop me card.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01
Club Rates!
In Clubs Of Five, 15c a Year.

The price Of single subscriptions to The FooKer is 25
but will several of friends with
club of you get
paper year. creating
wherever is introduced and goes every
Union. Join the of clubraisers Do now! Address
THE FOOL KILLER. MORAvIAN FALLS N. C.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01

Some of my kind-hearted neigh
bors have been so thoughtful as to
inform the rest of my kind-hearted
neighbors that the first fool the
Fool-Killer would kill would be the
editor of The Fool-Killer. When
fools get fooled and think they are
of lies.
The fool-killer., 1910-09-01

Turn to that Premium List and
stem winding hustle on yourself.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
NOT CAT BUT BRINE IS CAUSE
 OF EVIL 0DOR
How Trained Nose of In- spector Lynch Benefits East End Neighbor-
 hood

Residents of the vicinity of Strat- ford avenue and Logan street, relieved of the presence of obnoxious odors through the vigilance of Sanitary h. spector Lynch of the Board of Health cannot refrain from poking a bit of fun at the good natured inspector.
 Last week Lynch received a tele- phone from the neighborhood com blaming of offensive odors. It was reported that small boy was seen to throw dead cat down a sewer well. Lynch set out to get to the seat of the trouble.
 He uncovered the sewer we'll, and sought in vain for the remains of the departed feline Not even a ghost of the deceased could be seen through the darkness. But Lynch, whose ol- factory organ is trained by long ex- perience to detect all sorts of odors, sniffed the atmosphere, then with an air of conviction entered Q neighbor- ing market.
 When he emerged, he smiled with satisfaction. "You'll have no more trouble now" said he. The market man had been pouring brine down the sewer we'll, and the warmth of the last few days had caused the odors to disseminate. Today Lynch took a turn through the East End and said the fragrance was really de- lightful.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
MANUFACTURERS OUTING ON SURE
 : TOMORROW

The annual outing of the Manufac- tprers' Association will take place. rain or shine. tomorrow at Rivercliff. Mill ford. A large circus tent and sev- eral smaller ones have been secured and will be used in case Jupiter Plu- vius should hold sway.
 There has been much demand for the invitations which are limited to 200. and only a few tickets are left un- sold.
 Music will be provided by Bentley's orchestra and there will be a large program of sports, including push ball. baseball, and all manner of field events.
 Hon. David J. Foster. Congressman from Vermont. and chairman of the committee on Foreign Affairs. will at- tend with Congressman B. J. Hill. Congressman Foster will probably have something to say upon foreign in the limtlight at present. because he will have much to say concerning the location of the big exposition to be held in connection with the open ing Of the Panama canal in 1913 and the NcelebratioD of the 400th anniver- sary of the discovery of the Pacific by Balboa.
 The Manufacturers Association is the only organization that can secure Rfverclin for the purpose of holding outings. William B. Mccarthy who resides there is a manufacturer him. self and consented to it's use to say nothing of prolonging a trip to Europe to be present at the event.
 Members and their guests will leave the Court Exchange building at Broad and State streets at 11:30 a. m.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
CAREER OF BOY BANDITS ENDED
 BY BOY SLEUTH
Police Arrest Trio of Boy Burglars Loaded with Guns and Blackjacks The Accused Are Robert Brown, IT; Charles Will Hams, IS, and Patrick
 Malady, Is

Through the vigilance of a boy de- tective whose identity the police fo1 obvious reasons have not disclosed two boy bandits, starting on career of crime, were arrested, last night and today confessions were obtained from the two, duplicating others in a S400 burglary on the night of July 4.
 The boys are Robert E. Brown alias Robert Turner, aged IT, na- tive of South Norwalk, living at 13S Beardsley street, and Charles Will Hams, aged IS, who lives near Brown police rounded up Patrick Malady, aged 13, of 214 Drew place, and be- gan to look for others.
 The arrests of last night were made by Patrolmen Flynn and Meyer when the boy sleuth who had been watch ing the suspects reported to police headquarters that the youths had set out to do a job.
 When arrested, Brown was found armed with a fully loaded .32 calibre manufacture that would easily deal a fatal blow. He was first charged with carrying concealed weapons, while Williams was held for investi- gation.
 Confessing today that they were plant of the Connecticut Auto Tire Co.,, in Connecticut avenue, the night of July 4, the boys were charged with burglary. Whether MaIady is deeply involved in the burglary the police are not yet satisfied.
 They admitted stealing the tires and turning them over to two men whose tools they were in the com mission of the crime. The tires and the men have not yet been located.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
SECRETARY MEYER FIRES ANOTHER
 BIG B0MBSHELL
Forces Retirement of Rear Ad- miral Capps in Cleaning Out
 Construction Bureau
Especial from United Press. !

Washington, July 12.-The forced,re- tirement of Rear Admiral Washington Lee Capps, chief constructor of the Navy, the second official bombshell exploded by Secretary Meyer within two monthS-is only the beginning of a cleaning out of the Bureau of Construction and Repairs, just as the resignation of Rear Admiral Rogers was merely the beginning of the over- hauling of the personnel of the Bureau of Supplies and Accounts.
 These two bureaus have been the citadels of the staff officers in the controversy with the line officers for many years. Subordinate officers of the Construction Corps are on the anxious seat today waiting to see what will become of them. It is certain that several of Admiral Capps' chief henchmen, Assistant Naval Construc- tors of the Bureau at the Department, will receive orders within the next few days which will send them to posts so far removed from headquar- ters that they will be unable to con- tinue the staff fight.
 Secretary Meyer holds that the new constructor must have a free hand to conduct his bureau successfully and
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12

lican party was gaining strength in Georgia and that a speech from him would be very valuable. Roosevelt said he would consider the matter.
 After Pinchot and Stimpson left Roosevelt's office Simpson made the following statement:
 Clifford Pinchot will leave for California tomorrow where he will 20 on the stump for Hiram Johnson, the Lincoln Roosevelt candidate for gov ernor of that state. We laid before Colonel Roosevelt the critical condition of the Republican party in California and explained to him that Johnson was the progressive candidate. Charles F Curry and Alden Anderson are rival candidate for the Republican norni- nation for governor and have the sup port of the Republican machine. Gov ernor Gillett will not be a candidate for reelection. Colonel Roosevelt did not give us any apparent sign of sup port in out fight"
 While Pinchot was in Roosevelt's office 1t developed that the Colonel expected a visit today from Francis J. Heney, the San Francisco graft prosecutor. The news leaked through the impetuosity of Pinchot who came out into the reception room and ask ed the doorman to call Heney. He was promptly asked what Heney was wanted for and replied by saying;
 Looks like I gave away a stats secret. You will have to ask the Col Onel"
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
ROOSEVELT GREETS TWO ANARCHIST
 FRIENDS TODAY
Especial from United Press. )

New York, July 12.-When Colonel Roosevelt arrived at his offices in the Outlook building today he found Clifford Pinchot and Marshall s. Simpson, president of the Lincoln Roosevelt league of Los Angeles, wait ing there for him.
 "Well, we'll. here are my two anar- chistic friends again." he shouted, grasping them by the hand and 'pump handling them warmly. He drew both into his office where they made an extended visit Simpson wants the Colonel to make a trip to the Paci- f1c coast next fall.
 It was announced that Herbert Knox Smith, commissioner of corporations, would visit the Colonel this afternoon.
 Congressman William s. Bennett of this city and Charles N. Fowler of New Jersey met in the elevator en- route to the Coloners. When the New Yorker who called to discuss his gub- ernatorial boom with Roosevelt saw his colleague approaching he said:
 Well, here comes a real insurgent.
 That's what I am," snapped Fowl CT. ebut what are you doing here Do you want to get near the rhrone too?"
 The laugh was on Bennett who did not appear very much pleased over Fowler's caustic wit.
 A delegation of Macon, Ga, resi- dents. headed by E.. W. Stetson, pres ident of the City National Bank; W. E Dunwoody and Harry Stilwell, Ed wards called and asked Colonel Roose- welt to visit Macon this fall and make 8, speech. They told him the Repub-
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
COURT WON'T WATT; CHAUFFEUR
 DEFENDS SELF
Bike Policeman Gorgas De scribes Motor Chase After Auto Doing Mile a
 Minute

Refusing to await the appearance of Attorney Henry Stoddard. who over slept this morning, Judge Foster would brook no delay when the Stoddards' chauffeur, J. M. Cowperthwait. was arraigned in the City court for violat- ing the automobile law.
 Cowperthwait was fined $25 and costs, amounting in all to $30.S6.
 Stoddard had arranged yesterday to appear for the chauffeur in the City court today.
 All the other cases had been cors- pleted but Cowperthwait's. when Pros ecutor Redden informed the court he expected Attorney Stoddard to appear for Cowperthwait. "I don't feel like going ahead until MT. Stoddard ap- pears-' began Redden.
 Why not?' interrupted the court, impatient at the delay.
 Cowperthwait was promptly put to plea. He said he was not guilty.
 Motorcycle Policeman Clifford Cor gas testified that he had pursued Cowperthwait through Fairfield avenue at a rate of nearly a mile a minute, but couldn't overtake him as he sped out to the Bridgeport Yacht club. On the return he said he took up the chase. and his speedometer registered 40 miles per hour from Brewster street to the tracks
 On the outward trip. he said Cow perthwait drove on the left side. and returning and turning down State street, he said he drove on the left side at the corner and endangered la borers. sweeping past them at 20 miles per hour.
 Edward Earle Garlick. son of Dr. S. M. Garlick, of 474 State street. a. stu dent at Yale, was the only other wit ness. He was summoned by Gorgas, and he told of the workmen running to avoid the chauffeur.
 Cowperthwait denied making such speed.
 He admitted driving on the left side of Fairfield avenue. excusing himself on the ground that the street was not in good condition on the other side. As for endangering the workmen. he said he was going at about 10 miles an hour. There were no other pedes- trians anywhere on the street.
 After court had adjourned, Attorney Stoddard appeared at police head quarters, and on his advice Cowperth- wait appealed in bail of $100.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12

the possibility of opposition for as. slstant constructors, who espoused inc light of Admiral Capps against the Meyer plan of reorganization will be removed by putting these officers in places where their hands will be tied.
 The successor to Admiral Capps has been cnosen put announcement will not be made of his appointments for several weeks.
 Rear Admirals Capps and Rogers were the only two high ranking off cials who championed the staff cause In the line and staff fight. Unless Congress chooses to revive the matter at the next session, it is believed that the fight will end for want of lead ership.
 The other staff bureaus. yards and docks and medicine and surgery. has been placed in charge of men who are sympathetic with the Meyer plan.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1910-07-12
HEAT CRAZED MAN
 CUTS OWN THROAT
Special from United Press ]

Special from United Press.)
 Brockton, July 12-Joscph Mayo, 70, is on the dangerous list at the Brock ton hospital with knife wound in his throat that severed his Adam $ apple and incised his windpipe in an attempt at suicide while crazed with the heat. He suffered a slight sun- stroke Friday. At 7:30 a. m. he stag gered into the yard of Elder Keith s home making signs for water. made a gurgling effort to talk. fell prostrate on his face in the grass. then crawled to the roadside and tried to write with a stone in the sand making Bro" from which it was concluded he was trying to indicate he belonged in Brockton. The police in an auto with Dr. A. E. Paine, rushed him to the hospital. He is the father of Mrs. G. A. Carter. prominent society wo- man of this city. Years ago he had a sunstroke and jumped from the Cape Cod express train at Bridgewater. He made arrangements with an under taker for his funeral before his latest attempt.