Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1910-02-25
humorous department.
Being q King No Cineh.

"I suppose you think" remarked
King Edward, as he wiped the sweat
band of his crown with his hand
kerchief, that this thing Of reign
ing is soft snap. but 1t isn't. OF
course, things are a little better since
the leading monarchs organized a
union and insisted on an eight-hour
day, but it's no picnic even now."
'T had never heard of such a un-
ion, Edward" / observed, as I ran
my thumb along his sceptre and found
that 1t had a mighty poor edge.
Have all the monarchs Joined it?''
"All the top-notchers have: a few
scrub kings are reigning out in the
brush, but they cut no grass Most
of them were blackballed when they
tried to join, and so their being out
of the union is a ground hog case.
Before we organized a king had to
be on the job practically day and
night. Many time had to get out
of bed at all sorts Of hours and go
to the throne room and reign few
lines in order to please some delega-
ton from the back precincts. Now
1 begin my stunt when the o'clock
whistle blows and finish at 4 in the
afternoon, as I do not take a layoff
at noon. / bring my grub with me.
You can see my tin dinner bucket,
with its coffee-cup arrangement on
top, under the throne"
Its a pretty fierce-looking throne" "
/ said. "Pd as soon sit in washtub.
Why don't you loosen up and buy an
up-to-date throne that you could
reign in without breaking your
back?"
That matter is out Of my juris-
diction," answered the king, mourn
fully. 1.-The British monarchy has
outlived good many superstitions,
but it still clings to few. 1t Is an
chored to the belief that the throne
should be a good deal like a road
scraper. I could buy something fit
for white king to sit in at an Ameri-
can department store for two pun
thrippence or so, but there would be
a riot, If I attempted anything of the
kind. The idea of comfortable
throne, with rockers under 1t, is re-
pugnant to all the Britons, and Brit
ons never, never shall be slaves.
my idea of a really sumptuous
throne is an American BARRIERS chair.
When I was a young man I visited
your blooming country and had my
royal whiskers sandpapered off sew
eral times and whenever the words
solid comfort are mentioned I think
Of a barber's chair. 1t was really a
wonderful contrivance. You took
seat in 1t and the barber pulled a
lever and your feet went up and your
head went down and you had a
merry-go-round ride for nothing.
And your American BARRIERS are so
courteous! If they happen to get
soap in your mouth they are always
willing to take 1t out with their fin
gers
80 British superstition condemns
you to use that old bone-crusher OF
a throne as long as you reign?"
"Yes. The original British throne
was fashioned Of rock and 1t is still
used at coronations. 1t Is like sitting
down in a stone quarry to use 1t.
We are strong on Jeffersonian sim
plicity in this country and the prin-
cipal throne manufacturers endeavor
to make their product as uncomforta-
BILE as possible and they expect to be
knighted for doing it. AS I said, we
have outlived some old superstitions.
In the long vanished days it was Gus
tomary to anoint a sovereign with oil.
The oiling of Queen Mary, for in
stance, was a solemn function. If
q king tried that nowadays the in
surgent press would accuse him OF
being subservient to the Rockefeller
interests"
ct don't believe I'll announce my
self as a candidate for king" I said.
You have your head on straight
my dear son." remarked King Ed
ward.
AS left the palace I heard the
sound of sobbing and I recalled the
words Of the poet: "Oh, weigh
against a grain of sand the glories
of a throne!"-Chicago News.