Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-03-18
For An Idle Moment

FOT An IQl6 MOlIl6llt
Opportunity knocks occasionally at
every mans door," said Uncle Eben; but
if you sit arOun' in de rOckln' chair
waitin for it, yOu's purity sure to fall
asleep an miss it,"
81 admires courage" said Uncle Eben,
"but doesn't blame man f0h gittin'
out'n de way when he amt got no show.
Oar wouldn't be no sense at all in a
mouse tryin' to fight cat.'
Eat 'em up! Eat 'em alivep' yelled
the football coach. Raw Raw Raw
shouted the student body. Gracious"
exclaimed the nervous old lady witness
ing her first game. Are they can
nibals?"
Josh Billings advice years ago cOntin-
ues to have disciples by the score: "Rize
arly, work hard and late, live on what
yu kant sell, Civ nothing ava, and if yu
don't die ritch, and go tn the devil, yu
ma sue me for damages
| o.
In a corridor of one of the University
replica of "The Winged Victory" A
waggishly-inclIned student observed
the headless, armless, footless statue,
and wrote underneath:
"God pity defeat
"WeIl, | declare" exclaimed the
milkman, facetiously' "A little fly has
fallen into the milk can and seems to be
calling to his mate on the edge of the
can. Wonder what he is saying, any
h0w?"
Don't know, am sure" laughed the
housewife, but perhaps he is saying:
Come on in; the water is fine"
The men in the Pullman smoker were
arguing as to who was the greatest in
ventOr. One said Stephenson, who in
vented the locomotive and made fast
| travel possible. Another cOntended for
Edison. Still another for the Wrights.
Finally one Of them turned to a little
man who had remained silent:
"Whom do you think?"
"Vell," he said, with hopeful smile,
"the man who invented interest was no
slouch."
| On one occasion as Mr.. Beecher was
jim the midst Of an impassioned speech
someone attempted to interrupt him by
suddenly Growing like cock. The ora
tor, however, was equal to the occasion.
He stopped, listened till the Growing
ceased and then, with a look of surprise,
pulled out his watch. Morning al
ready" he said. "My watch is only at
! 10. But there can be no mistake about
it. The instincts Of the lower animals
are infallible."
There was roar of laughter. The
clover animals" in the gallery collapsed
and Mr.. Beecher was able to resume
as if nothing had occurred.
She had organized Sunday school
class from lot of tough street gamins,
and she was having hard time of it.
"Come, cOme," said the teacher, "do
you mean to tell me that you can't re-
peat even one verse;"
Nav" replied the small boy. Il
know one"
"Well, then, let me have it, said the
teacher sharply.
"And Judas went out and hanged him.
SELF" repeated the unregenerate. His
teachers lips wreathed themselves in a
cynical smile as she said: Every good.
And can you give me an0ther?"
Sure" he replied.
Let me have it, then" responded his
teacher.
The little reprObate said, "Gothou and
do likewise"
A certain captain in the army was
summon ed by his colonel to answer a
charge of assault preferred against him
| by a sentry. who had stated that the
officer had used him pretty roughly one
evening at the gate of the barracks.
A humorous phase of the affair was
that the officer apparently had nc recol-
lection of the alleged assault. The SEN
| try had made so bold as to declare that
( the officer was intoxicated.
Among those questioned was the cap
tain's orderly, an Irishman, who pro-
tested vigorously that the allegation of
the sentry was "a slander-that he was
sure the captain was perfectly sober the
evening of the alleged assault.
"Why are you so sure that Capt. Blank
/ was sober that EVENING"" he was asked.
''Oid he speak to you upon his return to
his quarters?"
HE did, SIR
"What did he say?"
He tould me to be shure an call him
early in the m0rnin', sir. "
'And did the captain say why he wish
, ed to be called early?"
'Yis, sir, he did, sir. He said he was
goin' to be Queen O the May, sir" re-