The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-02-06

1
did, eh?" asked the House Detec-
tive
yep said the Hotel Clerk, took and
up and went and did it. And today I'm
so full of repentance that when l shake
myself | can, hear 1t sloshing up against
the Sides"
took a shoppin tour round amongst
the anti-thrst stores, | s'pose,n guessed
the House Detective.
Worse than that. said the Hotc
Clerk, Infinitely worse than that Last
night Larry. l deliberately went TO
musical recital with refined recitations
and a light collation. following 1 did,
honest to goodness"
II didn't think you'd fall for one Of
them orgies" said the House Detective
81 wouldn't either said the Hotel
Clerk mo sane person would. If you
We're to walk up to me now and say, very
polite, Mister Mclean, we are going to
have an evening of music with elecution-
| airy selections at our place of residence
this evening at $50 and the pleasure of
your company would be much appre-
ciated,' I'd look you right in the face and
I'd say, Dear heart that certainly is very
kind and thoughtful of you, and hit
you between your fawn-like eyes with
this inkstand. No, sir, they'd never
land me that way. I'm too old bird
to be caught with chaff or other break
! fast food. l took all the degrees in that
| lodge clear up to the thirty-third the
| first winter l owned a dress suit.
| When the insidious intrfguer decides
that he needs son : low comedy relief for
his night OF musical uplift to keep ii
| from being all at the same high altitude
of refinement and culture and picks on
me as the proper subject, he has to go
about his little task with diplomacy. He
has to come in any say to me, Old man,
there's going to be a nice friendly little
bunch of the real folks up at the family
bat cave tonight and I'd like nightly for
| YOU to kick in for a couple OF hours or
| so. Wine, woman and song, you know,
and If necessary we'll cut out the song
part and double up on the other two.
And say, there's a little widow from
Kansas City with red hair going 10 be
| there. that's just heard lot about you
and is just perishing to meet you.
Peach? Well, say. when it comes to be-
Ing the sun-ldssed product of the top
most bough, | might state that she's the
one they sent TO the county fair to take
| the prize with. It's going to be purely
| informal, of course, but you'd better put
| on your burial clothes. We can count
on YOU can't we? When they come in
and put it up to me that way, they've
got me winging like the condor of the
Andes. And that was the way old pal
McWhorters spread the bird lime for me
last night
80 about o'clock | climbed into
my macadamzed evening things and
| jumped the rattler and went UP to the
| McWhorters' establishment. But as soon
as | opened the door a sort of foreboding
| that all was not well began to forebore
into me, the same as when you remark
| that it's fine weather for planting things
| to widow who's recently inferred her
third The parlors were full of pallid
he-persons all dressed up In their pearl
studs and their white lawn ties like a
dear departed, and also there were Il
| considerable number of those kinds OF
! ladies that just adore 1bsen and are
| careless about the way they do their hair.
The only thing that held me was the
fact that scattered about hither and yon
| | could occasionally spot one who looked
| as If she cared not who wrote her coun-
| try's sonatas so long as they let her
| wear a low vamp bodice on a high IN
step figure.
| Il made a struggle to get near one
| of the cloak model ssterhood. but Nc
Whorters watchful eagle eye caught me
| In midhight and he shunted me off into
| corner, where | was completely sur
| rounded by q jealous group of the true
music lovers with the double-leaded fore
| heads AS well as I could tell was
| the only one in the bunch that had his
| forehead set solid agate, want-ad style,
on this music proposition. On every side
4. .1<r
| Mozart and other batters in the 800 class
| lust the same as If Bate and Mote used
! to drive a team for their folks. So
| 1 said to myself Little enc, 1t be-
| hooveth thee to sing mighty soft and
| low in this company or you'll make a
| foxpass that You could drive brewery
| wagon through | therefore behooved
| myself into compact mass and tried to
| look like | belonged where | was. |
| guess, though I'm a shine as a behoover
| because they spotted me right away for
ringer and my feeble attempts to cut
into the conversation met with the con-
tempt which they deserved.
But fortunately before I began to melt
and run down on my own clothes, the
programme started. First off there was
lady who did regular piece on the
| piano. l don't recall right this minute
| whether it was from Lucy d. Lammer-
more or Caviarre OF The Rusty Can
ners. hut ANYHOW it was big league stuff.
| If was one of those selections where the
| operator starts off by hitting the keys
| lust about often enough TO keep from
doing off to sleep and falling Off the
stool You know that kind-dippy -dlppy.-
leave a call with the night clerk Tor
o'clock tomorrow morning--dmmy-d dim
my,-off to the country for weekend
party-bummy- bummy! Oh. cara, now
YOU have changed since last we mel
bimmy- bimmy!-tw years elapse between
the second and third acts-and then pum-
metty bum, and the performer Is OF at
last. tearing the vital organs out OF the
piano by the roots and throwing EN-
over her shoulder with both hands Even
tuallv the opening number became an
endurance trial, to see whether we'd wear
ont. before the lady did. She won handi-
ly pulled up.
AFTER which we had something OF an
extremely vocal nature by talented gen
tleman who Is being kept out OF the
front ranks of grand opera by the pre1u-
dice against native artists. he being from
Sandusky o. which Is one OF the most
native spots we have
lie was one of those Woodworking sing
ers who make painful faces at you when
thev sing Well, he may have suffered,
hut even SO he had nothing on me-so did
r., He was a bass singer. On the deep
chest noises he bulged the whites of his
eves out so far and opened his mouth so
vide that he looked like weeks wash.
inc out on the edge of a building exca-
/ yation. Why can't those singers stand
I behind screens while engaged In their
| ravorite pursuits? Then, IL you couldn't