The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1910-05-24
Why Life Was a
Burden to Him
By Max Adeler
BY Max Adeler

Some time ago Cooley caught
young man who was just about to
tunp from the wharf into the river.
As he seized him. he saw that 1t was
Jim Kelley. and he said:
WHY. Jim, what are you trying to
dor"
Il reckon it's for the best" said
Jim 'Perhars Id better not do 1t,
after all. Why. was going to com.
nit suicide"
Suicide'" exclaimed Cooley Why.
what on earth's the matter with you?
Are you crazy, or drunk, or poor?"
No
In love, maybe. and disappointed? p
NO"
We'll, what's troubling your"
Wen, Ill tell you" said Mr.. Kelley
1T doesn't seem so much now, but
y bothered me awfully while ago
Why, you see, was sitting In my
foom mp IN the boarding house there,
and got to thinking. thought what
II was to fall in icve sometime with
a redhared girl. and was to marry
her, and what II she should give birth
TO twins with the same kind OF hair
And srose those twins should grow
up. one named Isaac and the other
Jacob, and s'pose Jacob should want
10 SO 70 sea for a sailor and We lei
him 60, and he should get wrecked
on the Cannibal islands, and the can
nibals should take fancy to him and
adopt him as an idol. and set him uu
In q temple,
Ana s'pose, after while, he should
gradually kinder get into their ways
OF living and should beaome canni
bal himsclf And s'pose Isaac he
should marry and raise family d
chillren, and one OF his boys should
go to sea and should be cast ashore
on the island where his Uncle Jacob
was acting az idol and those canni
balls should kiln him, and cook him,
and offer some Of him to Jacob, and
Jacob should eat him and want more.
And then s'Tose the government
should roHt out those savages, ana
send Jacob home, and he should have
acquired such taste for Isaacs chill,
dren that he would get to nibbling at
the rest OF them, and Isaac should
ketch him at 1t, and suspect him and
accuse him; and Jacob should then
Kill that other redheaded twin and
eat him. and then eat all the children.
and finally eat his mother and me,
and then start ont to swallow HIS
aunts and uncles, and other relations,
until he cleaned up the family?
1T was so awful that i couldn't
bear to think of II, and SO thought
! would just block that hsathen's lit
lie game by drowning myself before
the thing went any farther"
''But why dint you block 1t by re.
solving to marry some other woman"
asked Cooley You needn't marry a
red.haired woman unless you want
to-"
That's so.' replied Mr.. Kelley re.
flectively. u never thought of that.
But s'pose was to marry another
woman. how do know she wouldn't
have son who woull get up and be.
come a rrize-fghter and would get
up fights for the championship, and
Of course I'd have to bet all my money
on my own boy, and he'd be licked
and I'd lose and be brought down to
poverty in my old age, while he'd be
30 grieved that he'd murder somebody
to get the money back for me again,
and I'd happen to be elected sheriff
Just before he was tried and convict
cd, and it'd become my duty to
hang HIM Hang my own child!
Think OF that, Will you? don't think
! could stand IT. believe I'll commit
suicide, anyway, II you'll leave me
alone" SAit
Then Cooley led him away. and rec
commended him TO remain single and
to let HIS fancy have play IN writing
stories for the papers. But Kelley
seemed bent on counting an awful
doom. and he proposed on the follow.
ing Monday to Butterwieks oldest
daughter, although she has red hair
she refused him, and he told Cooley
the next day that he was cleared aip
on the Isaac and Jacob business, any.
how, and he thought maybe he might
staye off the other calamity by keep.
-. .s....