davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
WHEN THE TWAIN MEET.
Wsx Jones, in New yors American.
Wilhelm-Wie gehtsg

Wex Jones, in New YORK American.
Wilhelm-Wie gents?
T. R.-Deelighted. The best way to
make beer is from hops. CRATES are
tall animals with spots on them They
are useful for testing new bullets upon.
Naturalists are all wrong in their state
ments about this and all other African
faunal specimens For instance, Of the
seventeen gtrafes which / collected there
vas not found blade Of grass. The ami
mails lived upon pebbles which they
found in the treetops and digested by
means Of a gizzard Ike a chickens.
W.-Beethoven is a great musician.
Alaska is bounded by high mountain
ranges. Bacon wrote all Of Shakes
peares plays. Some of them are good
and others are not so good. In shooting
bears 1t Is advisable 70 avoid getting too
close until the animal has insensibIe
been made.
T. r Race suicide is terrible crime.
Without any population. a country would
sink into the condition OF third-class pow
er and could not insure world peace by lick
with it. The dik-dik is not bird. Molly
coddles threaten the existence Of any
nation which permits them to live within
it's borders Mollycoddles should be Dip
ped in Ice water every cold day TO harden
them into useful citizens
W.-Jeffries will in the ring defeat
johnson. Pinchot is a good tennis play
er. The pyramids are smaller on top
than on the bottom. The Egyptians
should not be led by clerks.
T. R.-Clams live in the sand They
are silent and morose. A nation whose
leaders are silent win never amount to a
picayune in the world. The strong man,
armed Ike a photograph. is the ideal
leader. Cold storage eggs are not so good
as fresh The bongo cannot whistle
W.-The ancient Aztecs we're a great
people. They hit each other on the head
with hatchets made Of stone. They had
no trusts in those days. owing 20 their
interstate commerce law, which was en-
forced against malefactors of great
wealth.
7. R-By putting salt in the water,
boiled potatoes may be given better
favor. Pilsner should not be drunk out
Of a cup. Munchausen yas liar SO
was CULVER. Elephantsawill die If you
shoot them
W.-Brazil is fun OF nuts. Hamburg
has no hams.
T. R--There IS no Rhine wine in the
Rhine. The farmer is the backbone of
the country Engine drivers should al
ways be shaken by the hand at the cen
clusion Of a trip. Ducks have web feet
and are fond OF padding around in the
water Schiller was great poet, and
Germans should read his works. How
ever, he could box very little
W.-DOgs bark. II takes the dachshund
ten minutes from the time he starts a
bark 20 the time you hear the sound.
T. R.-There are some short and ugly
words IN German. Berlin shold be re-
built. I will show you how TO run the
army.
W-Eggshells are weak. Algebra is a
useful study
T. R.-Cook did not find the pole. Hal
ley's comet should be locked I'D.
WY, bye.
7. R.-Buliy
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Real American Family.

From the Baltimore American
AS long as America is productive OF
the type OF husband that Mr. Roosevelt
represents and the kind of wife that he
cherlshes it will not have grave alarm
over the conduct OF the portion of the
married community that creates unsavory
sensations. The hearts OF Americans are
true and the homes of Americans are
havens. Mr.. Roosevelt is only one of the
most conspicuous instances of American
manhood that has sustained beyond re-
prOach the relation that should be highest
and happiest. Therefore his fellow-citi-
zens who appreciate his sentiments will
rejoice with him in the Roosevelt fam
lily reunion at Khartoum.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
Our First Great Story Teller-April 3.

To-day Is the birthday of Americas
first great story teller-practically the
father of American literature, Washing
ton Irving. Irving was not only a great
novelist, but has enriched literature in
many other ways, and was held in very
high regard as a diplomat
Next TO his adherence for school and
love for story books. the chief character
istic of Irving's youth was running away
from home at every opportunity to at
tend the only theater New York could
boast of in his day. Irving was born IN
that city on April 3. 17S3.
Changes in the circumstances Of the
Irving family deprived the youth. who
was destined to become so famous in lit
erature, of a university education. But
he studied law assiduously and wrote fic-
ton for the newspapers. Sn 1901 his
health required a change of scene and an
elder brother furnished him with money
to go to Europe. The fruits of this visit
we're made apparent long afterward in
the Sketch Book" which made him be-
loved In the hearts of English as we'll
as American readers.
A romance entered into the life OF Irv-
ing while yet a young man, which he
never forgot He formed an attachment
for Matilda Hoffman. daughter of Judge
Holman. with whom he had studied law
The death of this young woman affected
1rving's entire life. In fact. his heart
was buried in her tomb in Trinity
Churchyard, New York. He never loved
again.
Devoting his time to literature. he pub
lished his History of New York" by
"Diedrich Knickerboeker." In 1903. It had
an immediate and remarkable success.
1t Is said that 1t realized him 5000.
which. at that time. was considered a
very large sum to obtain from a literary
venture.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
shod Many Presidents.

Joseph Cooper. OF MarysvilIe. Ohio. who
only a few DAYS ago celebrated his ninety
fourth birthday anniversary. has a re-
marksble history. He is a shoemaker by
trade and has followed this occupation
for more than seventy-five years, He
enjoys the distinction Of having made
boots and shoes for Presidents Jackson.
Van Buren,, and Tyler, also for Gen.
Winfield Scott, Gen. StonewaH Jackson,
Gov. John LIGHTER. Gen. Edward Lee
and Gen. Sam Houston. Mr.. Cooper was
born near Lexington, Va, on March s.
1916. He IS at present in good health and
bids fair 10 round out the century mark
His memory continues good and he finds
much pleasure In reading newspapers
and smoking a pipe
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Moral: Read the Newspapers.

From the Philadelphia Record.
Harvey Hidley, ffty-one. a painter OF
Reading, Pa. read in a newspaper sew
eral days ago that his aunt, Mrs. Mary
Uline. had died in Troy. N. Y. and left
him an estate exceeding $4,000. Hidley.
who has been employed in that city for
a year, wrote to a law firm in Troy and
found that the newspaper article was
correct
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From Exchange
An incident showing the sagacity and
intellect Of a dog occurred in Andover
Mass, the other day, on the estate Of
G. ". Cam on Central street. His two
year-old granddaughter was playing on
the gravelled drive when the eoachman
swung his horses around a curve and
began TO drive towards the barn, the
child directly in the way. Before there
was any possibility OF an accident. Lance,
Mr.. Cams setter, without receiving in
structions from any one. sprang into the
drive and, seizing the child by the coat
sleeve. dragged her out of harms way
and held her there until the horses had
passed the spot.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Hint TO Authors.

From the Chicago Tribune.
DO you have TO go through all these
novels?" asked the caller.
i do sighed the literary editor.
Doesn't it overwork your mind?"
Ny mind? Great Scott, no. II over
works my conscience.
How"
ITO praise so many of them"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Not one Of solomon's wives had an
Easter hat-Easter had not been invented
In Solomon's day" says the Memphis
News-Scimitar. Still. no doubt. they
bIossomed out in something equally as
radiant.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Louisville COurer-Jounal
Republicans of the Tenth Indiana dis
uict, by indorsing the Payne-Aldrich
law. Taft. Beverage. Cannon. and re-
form, show that in the matter OF strad-
ding the Colossus Of Rhodes is knock
kneed infant compared with Hoosier pie
hunters.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
CONCENTRATIONS.

From the Atlanta Georgian.
The expected recovery Of Senator John
". Daniel will doubtless nip a number Of
fine Senatorial buds this spring. but the
Old Dominion is TO be congratulated,
nevertheless.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

turn. Fortunately for Uberan, the court
decision has not been announced. and
liz is believed that some solution more
pleasing than that OF abandonment will
be found.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Feminine Tactics.

"why are you talking about q trip 10
Europe? 1t would cost your husband
81 600 or more"
quite so. I expect 10 compromise on
$50 hat"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Fair warning

From the Augusta Herald
Justice Brewer. you remember. declared
himself In favor of woman suffrage-and
now he is dead. This should be a warn
ing 10 men who lean toward suffrsgette-
ism.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Chicago Recori-Herzld.
Great heavens cried the drug clerk.
What's wrong?" asked the druggist.
II gave that boy hair tonic instead of
cough syrup"
Never mind We make a profit of 80
per cent on each"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
A Polite Sign.

FINN the Boston Transcript
Hobbs-I guess the elevator is out of
order. What is that sign on the door?
Dobbs-The elevator man must be a bit
of wag. 1t says; please pardon me for
not rising"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

We learn things mighty slowly in this
country" says the Birmingham Ledeer.
To be sure we do. Hence political plat
forms that do not mean anything what
ever
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Better Times Coming.

From Pelo Meie.
Enraged Creditor-Ive had enough of
mounting all these stairs every day TO
collect this bill
Dsbtor-wen. can tell you a piece OF
news that will please you. After to-
morrow I'm going to live in the bass
ment.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

There are no red-headed widows in
Augusta" says the Chronicle Of that en-
terprising Georgia metropolis. This viii
be considered fairly good lad" per-
haps. everywhere save in the Houston
Posts imagination.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
The PouItIce of Peace.

From the Chicago News
Peace has settled down over the ma
tional house Of representatives Ike a
mustard pOultlce on an aching tummy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Lawn tennis as PLAYED to-day is one
Of the Iivenest athletic contests" said
Charles s. Broadbent. OF Philadelphia, at
the Shoreham yesterday. 1T requires an
imperturbabls temper. a quick eye. rapid
ity Of mental and physical action, and
good wind
"One reason for Its wide popularity has
been that IL is a much more inexpensive
game than it's predecessor. which required
. costly court The modern tennis game
- much more rapid and constitutes a
much finer exhibition Of skill than the
game played when lawn tennis first came
into favor I'm England and America This
is due to the development Of difficult
strokes, resulting from the efforts OF
players to introduce styles Of playing
calculated TO confuse their opponents on
the other side of the net.
When lawn tennis was a new game.
said Mr. Broadbent. "the player who
could serve a cut ball had his antago-
mist at his mercy. because the ball rose
from the ground at an unexpected angle
Then smashing the cut ball became
possible. This put the once invincible
server of cuts at disadvantage. He was
hoist with his own petard The cut
ball is still played, but it is not an ef-
fective weapon against the swift players
Of modern times The second tennis
trick Of importance was the hard over
hand stroke, introduced by w. Renshaw.
of England. This style of playing was
called 'volleying.' ard was done at the
net For a while every one who essayed
to play against volleying player went
down in defeat and set out 10 initiate
his tactics
1T was not supposed at that time that
II was possible TO volley from the hack
Of the court. and In due time an evolu-
ton In returning balls made fl possible
to so place them that the man who
volleyed at the net could not reach them
The voileyer was thus driven back from
the net and ii was discovered that the
same tactics could be used from the
service line"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
Expensive SIMPLICITY.

EXPENSIVE SIMPLICITY.
Back to nature
Let US go.
Build a handsome
Bungalow.
If the way be
Rather far.
We can keep a
Touring car.
Sheltered from the
City strife,
Let US lead the
Simple life.
One can do It,
Never fear,
On ten thousand
Plunks a year
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Passing It Up.

Wont you stop to enjoy the sunset?"
1T doesn't interest me"
why not, Lucile?'
1T doesn't harmonize with my gown. y
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Ohio State Journal
One Of the pleasanter features OF the
Mississippi bribery investigation is that
ex-Gov. Vardaman positively refuses TO
talk.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
Perfectly Regular.

''The South sea islanders frequently ex-
change wives.
Il thought they were getting civilized 9"
They are. They go through regular
form OF divorce"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Springfield Republican.
Not all the kings horses and all the
kings men can set Uncle" Joe in full
power again. He has begun TO pass. and
viii soon go into full eclipse. II is the
closing Of a chapter.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

- Conservation of resources sounds
much more grandiloquent than good hus-
bandry, but it is nothing more, says the
Deseret News. Better still, 1t is nothing
less.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
A MapIe sngnr story.

1t was little thought when d. S. Yeo-
man. of New York. ordered a bungalow
built OF green, hard maple logs near
Monticello, n. Y. that anything unusual
would transpire in connection Herewith.
Only a few days ago the bungalow was
completed and placed in running order
for summer occupancy. OF course. there
is nothing outre in this fact, but the
fact that the very first day that the
sun beamed warmly on the habitatlon
the sap in the maple logs started run
ming 10 such an extent that before means
could be devised 10 prevent it the build
ing had been partially flooded and con-
siderable damage done TO its contents is
noteworthy. As soon as possible after
perceiving the state Of the case the care
taker of the property. Charles Smith ar
ranged trOughs throughout the house
leading to a kettle on the kitchen range,
where the maple sap is daily being con-
densed into the purest sort of maple
syrup as fast as II makes its appearance
on the scene.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
The Only solution.

Frum the Birmingham News
The commission form OF government
seems to be about the only solution Of the
municipal graft problem
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Boston Transcript.
Wifey-This pudding is a sample of the
new cooks work What do you think of
IT?
Hub--Td call it mediocre.
Wifey-No, dear; it's tapioca.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
PEOPLE THINGS.


Although the railroad from the Cape
to Cairo projected by the late Cecil
Rhodes is not yet completed. it may be
said that its completion is almost in
sight. The finished portion Of it extends
for more than 900 miles from Cape
Town. This, In connection with lines
now in course OF construction, viii with
in two or three years constitute a
through road for trains from Cape Town
to Alexandria. This railroad through the
heart of the Dark Continent, the ''irides-
cent dream" Of Cecil Rhodes. has become,
or is about 10 become, solid reality,
anu there are plenty Of practical, hard
headed people who are firmly Of opinion
that il will not be many years hence
when one can take a train anywhere in
North America and be conveyed to sta
tons I'm the remotest points Of the Afri-
can continent. Stranger things than this
have come to pass, most assuredly.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
sprinRtime.

When all the world is green
And all the folks are gay,
Then life is like, / ween,
One long St Patrick's Day.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Got a bouncing boy at our rat"
VIII the owners stand for it,
'T think we have outgeneraled them.
We named him after the janitor."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

able doubt. however. that Mr.. Austie
is wise. because he is said to be pre-
pairing an effusion.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

THE Lord looks after drunken men.
children. and the United States says
MIR. Taft We infer that Mr. Taft con-
siders that the Lord has His hands
full at present, moreover.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Suppose Collector Loeb should attempt
to hold up Bwana Tumbo for an ad
valorem tax on the theory that he is a
work Of art?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Il don't see how one boy can do all
these lessons
He can't. Each member of the FAM
fly completes a part and the kid as
sembles EN-"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

The late Senatorial contest in Missis-
sippi produced something of a political
scandal But It did not produce a Sena-
tor vardaman. at least
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Mr. Foss has become quite famous Of
late. In fact, Foss may be said to be
the bright and particular straw that
shows which way the political wind is
blowing.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

If DR.. Cook is broke he might hire
himself out as a summer resort sttrac-
ton. The sea serpent would not be in
II with the doctor
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

why do people patronize high-price
inquiries the Savannah
News. Really, this problem is quite on a
par with Why does a hen cross the road?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Mr.. Roosevelt does not know what
he is talking about" says the London
Mall, He does not? Well, just walt until
he reads the Nails suggestion with re-
spect 10 that.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

A Georgia legislator is charged with
the offense Of making ''moonshine." his
neighbors, no doubt are inclined to view
mis- predicament more in sorrow than in
anger
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
The Backbone.

who are the plain people7"
''The colonies of a community. I sup
pose"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

pretty high price TO pay for some Of those
PittsbuTg aldermen.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

An Ohio church congregation is pray
ing for the conversion Of local political
boss. If prayers fail. the congregation
might try the grand jury
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
A sure sign.

From the Dallas News
When a girl is willing to elope with her
lover 1t is a sign that>she doesn't expect
to get any wedding presents any way.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

The Maine is about to be raised again,
The Maine has been raised almost as
often as Secretary Wilson has resigned.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
The Oldest Newspaper.

OF the many thousands of newspap ers
in the world to-day, the Pekin Gazette
Is probably the most ancient The Pekin
Gazette IS the lineal descendant Of a
daily news bulletin which made its bow
TO the public in the year 1910 in the
more than five centuries OF its life this
newspaper has passed through many
changes and appeared in various forms.
but the paper that the Chinese read TO-
day is literally the same that was found
ed In the fourteenth century. Il was not
until European countries had begun
newspapers on their own account that It
was discovered that In Pekln the Chi
nese had superseded them in the news
paper business by many years.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Chicago Record Herald.
There Is no hope for the woman who
cannot manage TO b On time At bar
gain sala
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Anyway, it was the first real. bang-up
political speech Egypt had heard in
thousand years or So
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
Genuine Insurgents.

WehuIhe IHsurKents.
From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
For real insurging YOU want to watch
those D. \. r.
New Experience for the Colonel.
From the Charleston News and Courier.
What novel experience II must be for
Col. Roosevelt to be at sea.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Atlanta Is 10 have grand opera soon,
and proposes TO behave exactly as If she
were used to H.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

So many Smiths on the new House Com
mittee on Rules may or may not fool
the common people. of course.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Whatever happens. Uncle Joe" will
still be the liyest dead one in the
country.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03


On the cuDola of FaneuiI Hall. Boston.
is grasshopper weather vane, one OF
the oldest vanes IN the country, and a
product OF one Of our earliest wood
carvers and artisans. Shem browne.
This grasshopper Of copper, hammered
out by hand has large CLASSY eyes which
In the sunlight shine like fire. 1t was
made in 1I42 at the order Of Peter
Faneuil when the hall his gift 10 the
town, was nearing completion, and has
been a landmark for the past 1s7 years.
1t has not. however. lived a life Of un-
broken peace. for several times il has
been threatened with destruction. In
1855. when Boston was shaken by an
earthquake. the vane fell to the ground.
Five years later Faneuii Hall was Sc
riously damaged by fire. but the vane
remained intact Another disaster befeu
ii in 1925. when in hosting a flag to cele-
hrate the anniversary Of the evacuation
Of the city by the British the hopper was
displaced and fell to the street. After
a few days he hoped right back again,
however. and there remains to-day.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

From the Taller.
Editor-Biit, my good fellow, why do
you bring this poem to me?
Impecunions One-Well. sir, because /
hadn't a stamp sir
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Mr. Alfred Austin, II he is wise, will
forego the temptation to write a poem
about Mr.. Roosevelt There Is consider
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03

Other notable birthdays to-day are
Charles Wilkes. the American admiral
Q79s); Henry Martyr Field. clergyman
and author GS22); Edward Everett Hale.
the noted author dS22). Harriet Prescott
Spofford. poetess GS35): King Richard II.
Of England 1850. and Rev. George Her
bert dsssl. On April Bishop Reginald
iHeber. English prelate and hymn writer.
died In 1S26
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-03
WON'T Happen UntiI Nnvember.

From the Nashville Banner.
Il is a little early 10 begin to bet upon
the dissolution or the defeat OF the Re
publican party.