Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1910-11-08
PLATFORM HUMOR
Unexpected Diversions That
Were Not on the Bills.
BILL NYE'S TAcTFUL QUERY.
Il Saved an Embarrassing Situation
and Turned a Painful Silence Into a
Burst Of Laughter-A Simple Notice
That Made an Audience Roar.


That Made an Audience Roar.
The funniest humor is the uninten-
tional kind. The best comedy is that
which has never been rehearsed or
premeditated. but springs to life In
close straits when everything of sue
cess for the platform performer de-
ponds on his holding the spot light Of
his audiences attention through cru
cial strain caused by unexpected d.
version.
Some of the involuntary humor Of
the platform is worth remembering
and repeating. For instance:
Once upon time a lecturer reached
his date at 7:3O. He had TO get his sup
per, shave and dress between then and
the usual scheduled starting time,
SIS. Accordingly he dressed with more
haste than he had intended, and two
top buttons of his trousers failed to
receive proper attention. This showed
plainly in the glare of the footlights,
and a bit of his siress shirt protruded
noticeably. The audience had a hard
time being courteous and reconciling
the Righteousness of the speakers ap-
pearance with the serious dignity and
beauty of his lecture. Still. all would
have been well but for the fact that at
the close of the address and while the
speaker still sat on the platform in his
unconscious dishabille the platform
manager rose and announced impress
sively:
"The next number on this splendid
course will be given two weeks from
tonight by DR.. Robert Mcintyre, who
will deliver his celebrated lecture
'Buttoned Up People "
The audience shrieked, and to this
day, through the tender hearted for
bearance of those people, that lecturer
does not know why the announcement
Of his confrere's beautiful word pic
ture lecture created just that kind of
enthusiasm.
At one time DR.. Thomas e. Green
agony. He stood 1t as patiently as
possible, and so did the audience, but
when the introducer ceased and bowed
out the paid speaker of the evening
DR.. Green walked forward and said In
his most ministerial tone
II am going to add phrase to the
litany, making it read as follows:
From our traducers and our intro
ducers good Lord deliver us""
Sometimes town committee Is can
tankerous and takes on a degree Of
choiciness never dreamed of or aspir-
ed to by a city committee. At one
time Elias Day, makeup artist, was
behind the scenes laying out his wigs,
boards, ETC., when a committeeman
came back to see him. After the
usual greetings the committeeman
said:
Il hope to goodness you're better'n
the last number on our course was"
"Who was 1T" asked Mr.. Day.
"Dr Russell Conwell of Philadelfy"
Didn't you like him?" asked Day in
daze.
"Rottenr' said the committeeman.
"Who came before that?'
Leland T. Powers of Boston"
"Well, you liked him, OF course"
"Turrible rottenw
And what did you have before
that" asked Day, now prepared for
anything.
"Schumann-Heink and her compa-
n.y."
did you hear herr
Everybody a-kickin'. Said she was
poorer'n home talent"
"Well," said Day, the settledness Of
despair in his tone, you'll like me"
But perhaps the best instance of per-
feet adaptation on the spur of the mo-
ment is found in an anecdote Bob Bur-
dette vouched for as having been the
experience of his illustrious contem-
porary, Bill Nye.
Nye and Burbank were being starred
that year by Major Pond. They were
doing the Canadian provinces and on
the night of the special episode were
at Victoria, British Columbia. Bur-
bank was doing heavy dramatic work
as the best possible foil for Nye's
subtle and side racking humor. But
In the audience were several men who
had that evening tasted too frequently
Of the flowing bowl. These would oc-
casionally break forth with remarks
that were models of untimeliness.
Finally, when Burbank was in the
ic reading and the audience was hold
ing its breath, one whose breath was
too strong to be held burst out into
a maudlin snatch of song which utter
ly sidetracked and discouraged the lee
turer. The speaker stopped, lost and
confused beyond recall.
But just as the silence was begin
ming to be felt Nye stepped blandly
aid quickly from behind the scenes,
laid his hand on his companions arm
and gazed thoughtfully over the house.
Then. in a mild but distinct voice, he
asked:
rs DR.. Leslie E. Kelley in the
Uom?"
Even the fact that It was a near
British audience could not hide the
consummate wit of the remark, and
the evening was saved and made a
triumph instead Of ignominous defeat
for the peakers-Strickland W. Gil
lilan in ST. Louis Republic.
What Is celebrity? The advantage