Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-06-12
Salt Herring Catch His Peace
Offering at Home.
HUMBLE WIFE BEATS BOSS
A. Tibbs, Sent on Errand, Sidetrack.
ed in Saloon.
WOULDN'T GIVE WOMEN VOTE
Discourse on Household Domina-
ton Made Him Forget His
Mission. "A

"Ariosto"' called the housewifely
voice of Mrs. 4. Tihbs.
Yes, dear" came the response OF Arios-
to Tibhs. who knew In his heart that
something in the way OF labor was ex-
pected OF him.
Go to the store right away and get u
steak, one like You got the last time
Yes. dear
And AriostO Tibbs. raging within HIM
self upon being called upon for actual
labor. got up and went out meekly. And
as he went out the clock struck hah-past
five.
A King in Subsection.
And Tibbs ragged. He said he was an
American king-yet he was tied hand and
foot to Mrs. A. Tibbs. who made him 60
buy steaks when he wanted to read the
sport sheet.
He wanted to see what Pipe the Fan
has been a-dreaming. He wanted 10
spread himself out and just have Nu-
indian slaves bring him comforts. to roll
his cigarettes and watt him off to a half
world of dreamy don't-care structure
when the hard voice of woman clam
orins for sticky. raw steak broke in.
And across the hall of the apartment
house was JEFF. Oh, rare old sporting
print was JEFF. He had to get no steaks,
and besides he could keep seven different
brands In the sideboard. besides the SAM
pie which he carried on the hip for fear
he might be taken with cramp.
All. lucky jeff, And there he was lust
mouchins out Of his front door when A.
Tibbs was slouching out of his own front
door.
AS the eyes of the two gentlemen met
there was certain crook OF the head and
a look in Jeffs eye which was not To he
misconstrued by man of the world. -
A. Tfbbs didn't go directly to tho
butchers. but had to go lean against
Heiny's imitation mahogany.
Tibbs Discourses on Women.
Now if this were a novel there would
be row Of stars inserted right here For
an hour later A. Tibbs was making a
speech. while a roaring, clamoring crowd
of men. who kept their intelligence any
where but in their faces, and who had
been saying 1.-The same for three-quar-
tiers of an hour. beat each other on tho
back and said that A. Tibbs was all right.
What's all this we hear about women
voting? demanded A. Tibbs, glaring at
Heiny. They can't vote. They amt got
enough sense to vote. l tell you fellers
that us men is going to run this country.
Look at me, amt man."
An o!d-timer asleep in chair near the
door awoke at this stage and started in
to tell how he held back the enemy al
the battle of Gettysburg. but the crowd
stopped him short.
They wanted A Tibbs, seeing that A.
Tibbs still seemed to have signs of loose
change on his person. So A. Tibbs con-
tinued, gulping hard and looking fiercely
at the old veteran of the chair.
Tibbs' Theory of Home Rule.
Whenever 1 look at the starry flag OF
the Union l say to myself-Sure. gimme a
little more O. tn same-I say, / say
Glad t meet yo' Mister Jones; what'u
yo' have?-I say. these women are the
curse OF our country. A man can't do
nothin' nowadays without consultin' his
wife
But 1t amt that way in my house.
is it. Jeff?"
NO. indeed, Tibbs. you got 'em all
skinned mile"
When my wife wants anything she's
got to consult me. Do you hear that?
Me-Ariosto Tibbs-boss O tn shack,
II got her scared to death. She eats
to me or she don't get no dinner.
That's me. That's A. Tibbs. who
amt tied up to no apron strings"
And right here there would be more
stars to mark passage of time dur
ing which the wonderful woman-tam-
ing Tibbs was getting vitriolic in speech
and 50 timber in body that when lac
leaned against the imitation mahogany
he appeared to resemble a human letter
S, surmounted with a derby hat
Tibbs Unable to Stop.
And Tibbs was roaring out a speech.
True. Heiny had to temper the wind
to keep Tibbs from taking
charge of the establishment.
Outside it was dark and the stars
were shining Gay parties boarded cars
to go to suburban dancing pavilions
Children made their last trip for the
night to the ice cream cone stands Of
various Greeks and Italians in the many
And the butcher shops
were all closed
But Tibbs was making speeches. He
and jeff were debating. 1t might be
said also with truth that they were
also libating.
So the evening wore on in this
fashion, until Tibbs, plucking firm
resolve somewhere behind the neck.
after the manner of a man trying t.
hold a wriggling eel upon slippery
mud bank, declared he would now go
home to see Mrs. Tibbs and scare her
to death. But before he would go
home, he said, he would buy her some
thing, just to show her who WAS boss.
Tibbs' Memory Fails.
So A. Tfbbs went down the street try
Ing vainly to remember just what 1t was
she wanted. He stopped in front OF
fancy goods store and wondered whether
Or not 1t was those little punches OF yell
low yarn that she had sent him for. He
had great difficulty in keeping out OF the
glass.
Farther on he wondered whether or not
she had asked him to order a ton of soft
coal A kind stranger leaned him against
4 lamppost, where Tibbs wondered wheth-
err or not IL Mrs. Tibbs had asked him
10 get her a strip of tickets to ride In the
swan boats at Chevy Chase.
Swans gave him an idea. They swan
IN the water and were good TO eat-ac-
,ording to Tibbs. That's it, something to
eat.
Sure. The poor little woman, so scared
IF her husband. was hungry. That's the
trouble oh, the dear little thing. lie
would get her a red herring. That
What they have at Heiny's on the un-
United and gratuitous buffet
More stars here.
Fishing Catch, One Salt Herring.
The Tibbs apartment door was open
about half an inch as A. Tibbs aimed for
he center of it and walked solemnly aud
,nsteadily toward ii, herring In hand.
rhe Tibbs apartment door flew open yio-
emily as Tibbs pitched headlong in.
i,.~1l .T hi,