davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Military.Nayal Retired List.

Naval personnel legislation is formally
before Congress by virtue Of a special
message which has been sent in by Presi-
dent Taft backing up a project devised in
the Navy Department By a special board
The details Of the plan have not been
made known. and there appears to be no
chance of serious discussion Of the uues-
ton at this session Of Congress, notwith-
standing the assurance that the enact
ment of the departmental measure would
impose little or no additional cost for
personnel maintenance. This desirable
economy is 90 be effected by a new sys-
TEN of retirement. which shah have grad
uated pay instead of the three-quarter
rate now applied impartially TO officers.
BY this means it will be possible TO retire
more officers at less total expense for
their maintenance on the retired list, Per
haps the officers who are thus directly
affected will interpose objection to such
a measure. They may be counted on TO
entertain objections to It, certainly. IL the
plan Is put into operation in the way
which seems to be contemplated by the
authors OF the naval personnel bill. It
may be possible. however. to arrange the
retirement so that. regardless Of the
graduated pay based on length of service.
individuals viii not be adversely affected.
If that is the case, there will be expense
which Congress Is likely to regard with
.disapprovaI.
When It comes to considering elimina-
ton IN the military-navai service as a
means Of helping promotion. the executive
authorities are playing with fire. No one
may tell where Congress will end in its
attempt az reform. once it takes up the
question Of retirement. There has been
altogether too much favoritism in promo
ton before and after retirement In both
the army and navy With vast num-
Der of rear admiraIs and brlgadier gen
erals and major generals on the re-
tired list, many of whom possess that
rank by advancement without having
discharged the duties OF the grade, there
is a field for Congressional attack likely
10 be awaited OF by the critics. Congress
has done much for the military-naval per
sonnet in the last three or four years,
and If there are humps existing or
threatened TO block promotion. it may
easily result in Congress shutting off the
number Of new appointees in order 10 re-
lieve the congestion at the bottom of the
list, instead of adding to the higher grades
to effect the relief at the top. Then, too.
II members Of the retired list are receiving
too much pay on the thFee-quarter basis.
Congress may decide that the reduction
20 so per cent Of active pay will be profit
able legislation. Altogether, those who
have 10 do with military-naval personnel
legislation may find 1t advantageous TO
proceed with caution
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
How to BE a Pessimist.

Max Jones. in New York American.
To be a successful pessimist it is nee
essary 70 be Of a very cheerful dIsposI-
ton. II OF doleful disposition, pessim-
ism would be such a pleasure that pres
entity one would cease TO be pessimlstic.
The profession Of pessimism is founded
on the theory that the best way to en-
Joy anything is to pretend to dislike 1t.
and thus keep others out Of It. To be a
pessimiSt practice this every sunny day:
Find a 500 bill on the sidewalk. Go into
Q good restaurant and order a WE'LL
chosen meal. With it drink a pint of
champagne. When you have finished
your repast and are smoking a good
cigar, appear very grouchy and say. with
an air of sincerity, This is a tough
world When you can do this properly
you are ready TO take up pessimism in
earnest.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Was Forced TO II.

From the Chicago Record Herald.
And this. said the young man who
was showing his country relatives
through the Museum of Art, Els a re-
plea of the Venus de Milo"
GOSH" said his Uncle Amasa, ''she
was a good locker. all right Want
never married, was she?"
no. don't believe she ever was"
I spose. bein' armless and not havin'
a husband 10 hook up her clos, she
simply had to dress that way. no matter
whether she liked It or not"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Loves Labor Lost,

From the Chicago Record Herald.
I'm sorry" said the manager. when
the advance agent had entered the private
Office but I'll have TO discharge you"
What's the matter? You surely don't
think I've been loahng on my job. do
your"
NO. You've got the papers 10 print so
many fine things about the star that she s
demanding a raise of salary"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
A Star That Winks

From Harpef-s Weekly.
There is in the constellation Pegasus
a little variable star that may reason
ably be said to wink. Two or three
times in the course OF a single night
this curious star can be seen to fade
and then to brighten like a signal light.
For about 20 and three-quarter hours
1t becomes fainter and fainter; then
comes a change. and at the end Of two
and three-quarter hours more It is as
bright as at the beginning Unfortunate
iy, it can be seen only with telescope;
yet 1t ranks as a sun.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
sanctun, Condolences.

From the Chicago Tribune.
There was a momentary pause in the
rattle Of the typewriters-
''Rivers," asked Brookes. what do you
understand to be the net result Of the
election in Great Britain"
Il believe the voters found the House
OF Lords guilty" said Rivers. but they
gave EN- an indeterminate sentence"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Pinehot and the Administration.

From the Louisville COurier-JournaL
Grossly deceived By land pirates' is bad. But
easily deceived is worse. The administration gets
no bill Of health from the former Chief Forester.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

1t is now said that Mr.. Gordon deliv-
cred his famous farewell address TO the
Senate after he had. in fact, ceased 10
be Senator. What a happy circum-
stance that this fact was not discovered
until 100 late 10 head of the address.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
Establishment of the Interior Department March 8

Piled to any Of the executive depart
ments.
President Washington's first Cabinet
consisted of a Secretary Of State, OF the
Treasury, Of War, and an Attorney Gen
eraL The Office OF Postmaster General
was established in 1874, that OF Secretary
Of the Navy was created in I7es, the De-
partment of Agriculture was established
In 1889. and Commerce and Labor was
created February IA, 1903.
There is no natural order of prece-
dence among the chiefs Of the great
executive departments of the government.
and prior TO 1886 there was no legal dis
elimination between them. But In that
year the succession of the members of
the Cabinet to the Presidential Office. in
the event Of the death or disability Of
both the President and Vice President.
was established by act Of Congress IN
the order in which they are named above.
On March the United States declared
war against Algeria in 1916; the Missouri
compromise was passed in 1920: the gov
= eminent authorized the issuing of post
age stamps in 1871: the District of Co
lumbta was organized in 1791; the treaty
of San Stefano, in the Russo-Turkish
war. was ratified in 1878; Florida was ad-
mitted as the twenty-seventh State in
lS45; it is the birthday of Edmund Wal
Ter. the poet 1s05); OF Sir William Daven-
port. poet-laureate of England deOs); of
Thomas otway. the poet 065i); of w.
Macready. the tragedian Q7s3); Alexander
Graham Bell, the inventor OF the tele-
phone Gs4D; and the day on which
George Herbert, the poet, died in 1888.
On March the Minnesota Territory was
created Gs49: the Idaho Territory was
formed from Washington Qsss). and
George Dewey was made admiral of the
navy in 1899.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

'.stiil, Senator Gordon omitted to note
that ATr. Rockefeller and his associates
had q chance TO get rid OF S2S.0O0OOO of
that burdensome wealth at a single
stroke. and entirely failed 70 grasp it"
says the Pittsburg Dispatch. That is
inst the point the Senator was emphasiz-
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

"A Boston eloeutionist has introduced
a series OF readings made up of selec-
tions from the Congressional Record,
says the Rochester Post-Express. Well,
as Adam inquired when first Eve dawned
upon his vision. What do you know
about that?"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

From he Philadelphia Press
The United States. undC- the Monroe doctrine, has
assumed the protection Of two oortients 1t cannot
DO this without fleet equal TO It's responsibilities
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Mo Minoritv Lendershfn.

From the Hartford COUrant
John Sharp Williams did nc find the House MI
nority leadership a bed Of thornless roses, and
Champ Clark now knows how It is himself. The
TaInmany insuTectOs who marched acTuss into I'm
Gle Joes camp last year still unsurpassed and
unoonciliatod. Also he's accused Of inertia They
are saying that he let's slip good chances to score
Of the Republican majority.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

In the recent English elections. one
man Travelled 1.147 miles in order TO vote
twenty-three times. a Philadelphia re-
peater would consider that a horrible
waste Of energy and an unheard of cover
ing OF unnecessary territory.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

ing. His profound sorrow for Mr.. Rock
-sfeller Is based on the idea that the oil
king does not understand the noble art
OF getting rid of his money Ike gen
tieman.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

There Is In Flushing. N. Y, a man
who has thirty-two children, and his
neighbors report that he never makes any
complaint about the high cost of living"
notes the Chicago Record-Herald. Doubt
less the man long ago became completely
feconoiled to his fate.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Mention of Mr. Frank Hitchcock as a
prospective Senator from Arizona does
not appear to have run UP the tempera-
ture of Statehood enthusiasm enough to
be noticed
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Chicago telephone companies have de-
termined 10 employ no hello girls under
a given size and weight. Perhaps some
Windy City men viii be a trife more
careful in the future how they indulge
in back talk to telephone girls.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The first time the president of the
American League calls around TO collect
that $4,000 salary he should watch care
fully that the cashier does not palm OF
a rain check on him.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Straight to the Mark.

From the Philadelphia Record.
That was a bull's-eye sho- the Baltimore sun sent
this way when it said: The people Of Philadelphia
are getting exactly what they voted for"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

II hear that Yorick Hamm has quit
society drama for vaudeville"
Yes, and he's having a hard time try
ing 10 shape a bunch Of epigrams into a
monologue"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The question whether clothes make
the woman IS again under discussion"
says the Philadelphia Press And it will
be settled in the affirmative. as usual
and By the women. at that.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Jeff Davis Is selfish. He wants all
the Standard oil piped into h says
the Cincinnati Commercially Tribune. Mr.
Davis great specially. Of course, is add
ing fuel 10 the flames
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Mr.. Roosevelt has no middle name. it
appears, However. few people ever get
real mad with the former President. So
it does not matter.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
His Occupation.

He had good business but he lost it
Did he drink?'
No; but he was too busy being
prominent citizen to attend to anything
else"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Francois Pergier. of Nantes, France, IS
at the New Willard. and is visiting this
country on business. NJ. Pergier said
France is in an unsettled state, that it
would take some years before the people
VIII really know the sentiments Of the
whole nation on the question Of separa-
ton Of state and church and other mat
tiers of equal importance.
France has never been e friend OF
England said the Frenchman. "and you
cannot make a genuine friend overnight
out of q genuine enemy. England has
always varied against France, and vice
versa. The doctrine that Albion is peril
dious is in our blood and the great ma
jority OF the French people to-day do not
place more reliance in England than they
did when that country was regarded as
Frances traditional enemy. Frances al
lance with England WIS dictated from
political necessities. II is not founded on
q natural feeling of love for one another.
because there is none
Frances natural ally is Germany. and
am not afraid TO say so, We are neigh
bors. and are good customers 10 each
other. If both OF US would make up and
forget the past and combine forces we
could defy the world and dictate peace.
Unfortunately. however. there are jingoes
in France as we'll as in Germany who
would raise their voice in solemn protest
against an alliance between France and
Germany. There may not exist a polit-
zeal alliance. but there is certainly the
best of feeling between the business In
terests OF both countries"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Painless Extraction.

From the Kansas City Star.
Wholesale chicken thieves in Wyandotte
County Use chloroform TO prevent noise
in the henhouse. This is something en-
tirely new in the line of painless extrac-
ton.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

7 think few bargain matinees might
go well.
AT what prices?"
"oh forty-nine cents ought to make an
attractive figure"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
ANCIENT HISTORY.

Alexander went to war.
Got up his dander.
All the Persians fed afar
From Alexander.
Hero OF ten thousand tales
And as many ditties.
Aleck gathered loot in bales,
took Asia's cities.
Alexander grabbed them all.
That was the juncture
When Damascus got a fall,
Tyre got a puneture.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Cause of War scares.

From the Buffalo Erpress.
Representative Tawney has the explanation Of the
war soares about right when he attributes them TO
the shipbuilding interests. During the Submarine
Investigation a few years ago. witnesses admitted
thar speakers en- loysd bg the builders Of sub
MARINES to make speeches on the dangers Of war
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

From the Birmingham Ledger
Instead Of making Peary a rear admiral. why not
make him command 5r-in-chief Of the &. a. R.?
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Early Rirds

The aepyornis COOS its love,
The pterodactyls sing:
And here We have a sample OF
A prehistoric spring.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

That proposed Indian statue in New
York harbor will face the Statue of
Liberty. Lucky for the Indian other
wise. Liberty might swat him one with
her big bronze torch.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Making Money.

How would you like TO be Americas
poet laureate2'
Il couldn't afford the honor am al
ready poet laureate OF a prosperous bean
packery"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The new Senatorial Offices are equipped
with individual bath rooms; the new
House offices are not. Is that discrimI-
nation against or in favor of the House?
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Whatever Rostand may have stolen and
incorporated in "Chantecler, We feel
safe in assuming that the beautiful bal
lad. Fine Feathers Don't Make Fine
Birds" escaped.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The only remedy for f. Hopkinson
Smith is to come back to Baltimore"
observes the Baltimore Sun. And that,
admittedly, would be heroic treatment.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
Virginia the Sole Judge,

From the Boston Transcript.
II is not the national government which Is honor
ing Robert Z. Lee By putting his statue in the
Capitol bat the State Of Virginia which under the
law is the sole Judge Of the qualification Of its
here's fof place there
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Then you think that motormen are
more cautious than ehauneurs?"
They have 10 be. They can't swerve
IL the pedestrian loses his head"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Speaking Of strikes over in Philadel-
phia. some of those gorgeous LEGAL mill
tiamen appear to have made a sort OF tin
strike Weiie
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Eftsoon the days will be at hand when
we shall sing Of daffodils and babbling
brooks and shady hooks and lambkins
on the greening hills. Oh. we shall war
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

bic loud and long of sunshine and that
sort OF thing. Because. ira Ia--also ha
ha,-you see, twill soon be gentle spring!
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The SO hog has arrived The Decent
hog stin remains the common or gar
den variety. however
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Il am really glad 10 read that Rookie
Teller and other wealthy Americans are
giving away money for the purpose of
cultivating and fostering art" said Herr
Alfred Walter Won Heymei Of Munich.
who was seen at the Shoreham. last
night Herr Won Heymel is an art en-
thusiast, and is actively engaged in the
manufacture OF art objects in various
lines
Art is the indicator of a nations civili-
cation and wealth. and il behooves tbs
great and progressive and wealthy United
States 10 cultivate the muse more and
with greater attention than has been done
heretofore. The United. States has passed
that stage when il cannot ind time for the
development OF art It is beyond that
period of its existence when everything
and every day has to be given over TO
the pursuit of the dollar. neglecting alto
gether the promotion OF the ideal. the en-
noblng. the beautiful.
The fact that Congress is appropriating
millions of dollars every year for monu-
ments, statues. and beautiful public build
ings in Washington and elsewhere. is an
indication that the art spirit in America
is growing.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
OF the First water.

What did Cholly give you in the way
of wedding present."
"A tiara set with perfectly matched pork
chops"
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

From the New York san.
The impression spread abroad that Secretan
Meyer advocates the largest the most power
ful in the word for the United States is mere
sensationSlisn.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

Looking back over February's record.
one is forced 20 the conclusion that 1t was
quite as long as it deserved to be. any
way,
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

"A Missouri man asked $4,000 for three
fingers" says a headline in a contempt
raTy- he is not a true Southern gentle
man. no matter what else he may be-
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

There is no complaint from headquar-
tiers that tax returns are showing an up
ward tendency however.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
Not Guaranteed 70 Last.

Frum the Kansas City star.
The beef trust may find that an immunity bath
ike any othgr bath. is not guaranteed 70 last.
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

From the Chicago Tribune.
"Gwendolen, suppose some worthless
young dude is going to take you 20 tie
theater this evening"
Yes. mamma. I'm going With brother
George Tonight
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

The American people seem somewhat
slow to accept Mr.. Peary in the light Of
a genuine hero
The Washington herald., 1910-03-03

From the Detroit Times.
Burr-What kind of genius is Nabbs?
Does he work by fits and strats2
Kurr-No. He works by flts-and stops
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1910-01-28
Exciting Runaway Monday.

Monday forenoon, while one OF
Amos Smiths dray teams was Sta-
tioned at a car near the depot, While
the driver, Ernest Lewis loaded FUR
nitpre into the dray, the horses be-
came frightened at the train and ran
down front street, leaving the driver
standing by the car In running near
the sidewalk the wagon came in con-
tact with the stone pavement ana
timed so far to one side that the
furniture began to roll out in front
Of NJ. E. Moore's furniture store.
That team is certainly a smart one
and Amos believes be will soon be
able to send them alone with load
of furniture. In this case, however,
Mr.. Moore had not ordered the
furniture, so Harry smith played the
hero and climbed into the back OF
the wagon, regardless Of flying bed
springs and cook stoves, and stopped
the unloading as well as the horses
The team was taken back to the car
where the work was finished. No
damage done.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1910-01-28
SOUR STOMACH
Mi-o-na Puts the Stomach in Fine
Shape in Five Minutes.

If your stomach is continually
kicking up a disturbance; you feel
bloated and distressed if you belch
gas and sour food into the mouth,
then you need Mi-o-na Stomach Tab
lets, the best prescription for in
digestion ever written.
Mona stomach tablets give in
stant relief, of course, but they do
more; they drive out the poisonous
gases that cause fermentation of
food and thoroughly clean, renovate
and strengthen the stomach so that
it can readily digest food without ar
tificial aid.
Mi-o-na stomach tablets are guar
anteed to cure indigestion, acute or
chronic, or money back. This means
that nervousness, dizziness and bill
BUSINESS will disappear. Druggists
everywhere and c. Fl. Demaray sell
Mi-o-na lor soc a large box Test
samples free from Booths Mona
Buffalo, n. Y.
81 was under the care of four diff
ferent doctors during nine months
and was cured of dyspepsia by Milo.
ma, Mr. Joseph Grondine, 1877
Fountain Street Fall River, Mass.
Booths PHI, for constipation
25c.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1910-01-28
RlshOp DcnOmnces DANCING.

AT the memorial services held in
Boston n few days ago for the late
Charles Crittenden, founder Of the
Florence Crittenden missions. Bishop
w. f. Mallallieu, OF the Methodist
church, said Dancing In the public
schools In Boston Is responsible for
conditions OF immortality that are al
most rs had as the white slave traf-
Tie, There ought 10 be a state law
against dancing In any public school
The thcater is a school of vice and
n destroyer OF morals, and the nude
statues and improper pictures sold
ON our street corners and the vile
literature which some journals pub.
llsh-all these are corruptlng the
morals Of the young and lowering
the standard OF morality among the
older people and leading TO the white
slave traffic"
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 1886-1927, 1910-01-28

J e Vi last year made pilgrim
axe 10 nearly all parts OF Josephine
ounty; each excursion being parti-
cipated In by forty to fifty business
men OF the town. These trips were
in every way great success and 1t
is the opinion OF the members Of the
club that such visits must be here
after a prominent feature Of club
work. The Roseburg Review OF last
Tuesday prints three column boom
article under the head, Know Your
Own County First" and announces
that Roseburg business men have be
come aroused to the importance of
doing publicity work not only on a
broad scale but making truthful rep
reservations of the resources OF their
county. In these days Of graft and
Misrepresentation no business man
can afford to be connected with an
organization that In the least devi-
ates from the truth in publicity work.
The Review says that large body
OF Roseburg's ablest business men
are arranging for a four days trip
to various sections of the county so
that they may know the facts regard
ing the exploitation necessary in
club work.