The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-06-17


How do you keep your razor
sharp? Easy enough. I hide it
where my wife can't find it."-Cleve-
Land Plain Dealer.
How Titles clothes hang about
her! Why, they don't fit at ALL" "But
think how much worse she would look
If they did" Life.
Guest-Gracious! What long legs
the new waiter has! Host-Yes, I en-
gagged him specially for the diners who
are in -Meggendorfer Batter.
Miss Kidder-S'sh! Carrie has dyed
her hair black. Don't tell anybody.
Miss Askitt-Is 1t secret? Miss Kid.
der-Yes; she wants to keep it dark.
Boston Globe.
What part OF the railway train do
you regard as the most dangerous?"
inquired the nervous man. "The din
ing car" answered the dyspeptic.-
Washington Star.
"I'll be ready in minute" she said
to her husband. you needn't hurry.
now" he called up some time later.
I find that l shall have to shave
again. Detroit Free Press.
I thought you said you told your
wife everything you did" "I do" "Its
mighty strange. She hasn't said a
word to my wife about the $40 you
borrowed from me" Washington Star.
Patience-They say she got all her
furniture on the installment plan?
Patrice-She did. She has had four
husbands. and she got little furni-
ture with each one.-Yonkers States
man.
She-Don't you think woman's suf-
frage would be a fine thing? He-I
know / could always persuade my wife
to vote as l wanted By telling her
intended voting the other way.-Bos-
ton Globe.
why can't that prima donna sing
more than twice a week?" 'I don't
know" answered the impresario, "un-
less it's because she tired out her vocal
cords arguing with me about salary"
Washington Star.
Maud-So he had the cheek to ask
my age. did hef Well, what did you
tell him? Ethel told him l didn't
know positively, but I thought you
were twenty-four on your thirtieth
birthday.-Boston Transcript.
"Now, your conduct during the trial
may have considerable effect on the
jury" @Ah, quite so," responded the
ultra-swell defendant. "And should
appear interested or just mildly
bored?-Kansas City Journal.
"You say you have quit smoking?"
Yes, never going. to smoke again"
Then why don't you throw away
those cigars?" Never. l threw away
box of good cigars the last time I
quit smoking, and 1t taught me les
son."
"The way to run this country" said
the egotist, "is to put thoroughly wise,
capable, alert, and honest men In con-
troll of affairs" "Yes," answered Miss
Cayenne, "but what are we going to
do? There's only one Of you" Wash
ington Star.
Cholly--The deuce, old chap; 4
cawnt go to the party. I have no col
lah button. Reggie-Go across the
street and buy some. deah fellow.
Cholly-But l caawnt Nobody has my
measurements except my tailah, don't
cherknow-Life.
Mr.. Dubbs with newspaper) =
1t tells here, my dear, how pro-
gressive New York woman makes her
social calls by telephone. Mrs. Dubbs
Progressive. Huh! She's probably
like nle-not decent thing to wear
Boston Transcript.
In a written examination on astron-
omy one of the questions was. What
happens when there is an eclipse OF
the moon? A student with rather a
good knack Of getting out Of diff
Guilty wrote: "a great many people
come out to look at It,"
whats that party kicking about?"
said one New Yorker. "oh, he's one
of those guys who are lucky and don't
know it." replied the other. HE came
here on roundtrip ticket from Phil
adelphia and lost the return coupon"
Evening Star.
'T'm sure," said the interviewer,
"the public would be interested to
know the secret of your success"
well, young man." replied the cap
tain of industry, "the secret Of my
success has been my ability to keep 1t
a secret" Sacred Heart Review.
'Td hate to be millionaire"
Gosh! Why?" well, millionaires
are always getting letters threatening
them with all sorts OF horrible fates
unless they Immediately pay the writ
ers large sums Of money That's
nothing. get Just such letters on
the frst Of every month. ."-Cleveland
Leader.
why" asked the Judge. "do you
think your husband b deadf Yoa
say you haven't heard from him for
more than a year. Do you consider
that reasonable proof that he has
passed out Of existencs?" Yes, your
honor. If he was still alive he'd be
askin' me to send him money."-Chi-
cago Record Herald.
Cincinnati Tourist (who. for the
first time. has Just entered restaur-