Herald and news. [volume] (West Randolph, Vt.) 1878-1943, 1910-01-20
oAnplpA1ls ANp pRINoIpLEs.

Mead, tredeflck u. A4SSAhSS-, -
Merrill, c. W. Gates, o. s. Annis, smith
s. Ballard, Charles H. Darling, John l..
southw lex, Senators Lewis Of Orleans and
Gibson OF Windham, DIR. Kidder, George
f. Leland, Earle Kinsley and "Joe"
Flint. The long suffering COW is coming
into her own at last. Bennington Ban
neF.
Yes, they we're all there and each was
wild with enthusiasm while extoling the
merits OF his favorite COW. Their COM
bined knowledge "touching on and APP
pertaining to- cows was simply wonder
full. In only one thing, however, were
they unanimous in consenting to be
quoted for publication and That was that
cows are, and, as matter Of right, ought
to be, and none OF them appeared to care
who knew it either. But as to taxing
cows, that was another question. II
further appeared that a majority OF them
believed that a COW, like a political
party, should be MIXED as often as posi-
BILE, although hardly any two OF them
could agree as to the man best qualified
to do the. milking. In fact no enc had
the heart to Tell several OF them that an
incompetent mixer would soon "dry up'
a good COW, even as an incompetent man
in office would soon "dry upn party.
Other COW details there we're over
which there was disagreement. For in
stance, 1t is said that Leland, Kidder aud
Gibson could net agree as to the number
Of upper teeth possessed by properly
equipped COW. Each was ready enough
to admit that be had never owned COW
With less than two sets OF teeth and some
OF them had had even more, but for the
life of him not one OF them could remem-
Der the number in the upper set, and so II
came about that each one eagerly be-
sought the aid of Or. Mead in the
premises, but he quickly informed them
that he was not practising COW dentistry
for the benefit OF quarreling east side
politicians; that each must count his own
teeth, but II the question should become
a political issue he would consult his
record and make bis position known.
Then they rounded up Fred Fleetwood
to get aid and comfort from him, but
Fred simply stuck his left thumb through
the left gallus OF his new overalls, while,
in his right hand, he held his old red
bandana, with which he flicked some
mud from his freshly CREASED cowhide
boots, and then, deliberately hopping his
forehead, he solemnly said that he had
nothing to add to the platform which he
had already announced.
DIN Merrill, too, declined to commit
himself definitely then and there hut said
he might write later although he did give
the boys some encouragement by saying
that the hummer OF cows teeth depended
la al H.. 49, -. a l.
Ed. Smiths cows had tried to bite him
once and that it would be well il that
particular breed could be muzzled for a
while; that Fletcher'H marble cows and
Bert's lumber COWS ell ate out OF his
hand.
Charlie Gates had nothing to say as
usual save that later, IL agreeable to 0lin,
and II the people demanded it, he might
come to think that every COW had, or
ought to have, teeth enough to chew her
own cud.
Having TINS CLEANED what sympathy
and knowledge they could from the
would-be governors they turned to those
who, like Matthew Of old, would sit in
the seat OF customs. Bro. Southwick OF
the Free Press after much persuasion, and
after being assured that the question was
not in the nature OF trap set for him by
the willy Joe Aud, finally admitted that
he bad once seen COW at circus; that il
was eating peanuts With its bill aud
therefore be had not been led to believe
that cows had any teeth at aIl except
milk teeth, but he said be was greatly in
terested in the subject and that II he
could be collector for awhile he would
buy q nice yoke Of we'll broken cows to
exhibit at the next horse-sheddinR con-
test held under the auspices OF the Dairy
mems association.
When Judge Darling heard what Bro.
Southwick's position was be boldly an
nounced that while in Washington with
Teddy, be had come to believe that Meth
ing could have too many teeth; that The
raising OF upper teeth, particularly for
cows, was an infant industry and, like
candidates for Acknowledgements
should be encouraged and protected; that
through some strange oversight the
Payne-Aldrich bill was deficient in this
respect but that he had taken II upon
himself to personally inspect the upper
teeth of all Canadian cows seeking United
States citizenship aud had rigidly excIud-
ed all those not fully equipped with mas
tlcating apparatus and should continue
the policy il continued in office. Further
than this be declined to be quoted.
Having made but little progress Thus
far the three wise men from the east then
followed their star of hope until il led
them to Senator Lewis. He quickly told
them that during a long pastorate in
Avery's Gore he had often been called in
purely ministerial capacity to perform
The spiritual duties OF a veterinary: that
the knowledge be had thus acquired was
entirely professional and therefore he was
not at liberty to impart 1t.
They then turned to Joe Flint lint he
was armed and equipped with a set Of
Dave Fosters speeches on Washington
schoolma'ams and, as he handed each ~
the boys copy, he simply advised that
they read the same for in bis opinion any
one OF the speeches contained ali that anv
three men ought to know.
smith Ballard merely remarked that he
thought every farmer ought to kesn a
camel, while Bro. Annis said that tbsrs
was no use in supplying a COW witb
teeth; that COW was not, per Sc. in noIi-
tics and could never expect to be obiiged
to feed at the public crib.
And so Leland and Kidder and rgibsor
our worthy triumyirate Of wouId-be lien.
ant-governors, returned home witb
a ffnrn nnac s4ruattfra A. -%A