davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Brief Bits.

Who buttons the preacher up the back?
The census taker isn't interested IN
your various ailments.
The younger the aUthOress the more
cynical the epigrams.
Some men are merely holes In the
social fabric.
Some frivolous creatures would as soon
wear violets as a votes for women"
badge.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Mr.. Roosevelt assured the Hungarians
that reactionaries are found in all ma
tions under the sun. Hope none Of
those royal nibs in Europe think the
colonel meant TO be personal particularly.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Pc . ~ e
Senator Money delivered his speech yes
terday on the fourteenth amendment
through Senator owen. The Senator's
eyes are not strong enough to read small
print and he selected Senator owen 70
read his speech. Senator Money having
the floor by right and Senator owen
occupying II by proxy. II was a mooted
question among many who should be
asked 70 yield in case a Senator desired
20 ask a question or make some COM
ment on the conclusions set forth. The
question was repeatedly put.
II Senators showed a lack OF interest
in the railroad bin and other measures
before the Senate. II is not the case
while the rivers and harbors bill IS
considered. Nearly all the members Of the
Senate are interested. They have some
creeks or rivers IN their districts that
need attention. "a circumstance which
requires their constant attendance. Sen
ator Depew came rushing into the
j q
breathless and much excited. What's
on?' he asked one OF the employees.
Senator Moneys resolution in relation
10 the fourteenth amendment" answered
that functionarv. "Shucks." jerked out
the great after-dinner speaker. Haven't
they taken UP the rivers and harbors bin
az alp" mo. sir" When the water
ways measure was reached, he was there
with both feet
There are 5000 incandescent lights Of
various candle power purchased annually
by the authorities at the Capitol for use
in that building. the Senate office build
ing. and the House Office building,
and 10 arc lamps Of great power are
scattered around the Capitol grounds.
"Old War Horse" Senator Nelson IS in
harness. travelling another road at pres
ent. He has charge OF the rivers and
harbors bill Senator Frye. the chair
man Of the committee, IS al home sick
and Senator Elkins. the second on the
committee. has his hands and head fun
Of the railroad bill Senator Nelson. third
on tho committee is consequently steer
ING the measure through The Senate The
more work the Nfirresots7 has The b.+.c-
be likes ~ lie ,a,,a- ti-es a-a g. 60
ready for little scran n tbiDgs do r,-
go 20 his liking.
Senator ,la-,.,. .-,,. ..s a., -.
r,. 80 -,
p"'"e "SUe ''' long ume ana al
ways bearing the brunt OF the battle,
his countenance had the appearance OF
,t,. .l,i
- ptosa - '''e s'Es.''0'
49, - - 60. .-s ''1'-'
.,,-,,.r....7 - -
,1a-,,t -, -. - -
-. -..-.-.I--l-.- '''''' '''7 -l0i'e-
i--e ~ M. ~ d 'l-el-.rA mower
80. '''e "F 1..'''" may 'e
'- 80 80 =. - 'Le 1o~se o-
80 en- 60, ?. 10 -. 80 -.
:. g. -, a.. .,.- - &c
~, - e., ~, - -, - -'''- ~
- -. -, = &C. -
80 - O'-'
-. -a,-.-,.s.- - 80. -. -,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
A LITTLE NONSENSE.

BETTER THAN ORAToRY.
The lady orator was one
or the Four Hundreds pets
Impressive, stout,
Sho went about
To thrill the suffragettes.
She had a most successful tour
Through forty-seven towns.
Her talks were slow
But then. you know.
She awed EN- with her gowns.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

From the Springfield Republican
Cor. Bob Tayi5r's record Tor pardonng Tenues~
see mUrierers was rs bat Gov Patterson has al
ready pardoued i52. and bis term q o-lco has ten
months N run. Yet people wonder why there is 80
much mankl.ing in Tennessee
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Even soft drinks are sometimes hard
to get" says the Charleston News and
Courier. And even hard drinks must
sometimes be procured in a "speakeasy."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Where Ignorance Is bliss.

From The Youke.s Statesman.
The man who has 10 wear glasses 10
see we'll" remarked the Observer Of
Events and Things, will enjoy his cur
rant cake better, perhaps, II he doesn't
wear the glasses when eating the cake"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

The next time good Or. Cook makes a
discovery. however. he should sit right
down on 1t and await the coming Of the
subsequent discovering party.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

The governor OF Minnesota is going to
pardon that poet. Notwithstanding the
fact that said poet also plays a flute.
There IS a governor with the courage
OF HIS convictions.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

An Englishman wishes to reform the
calendar The only way to popularize
that proposition Is 20 advocate the add
ton OF a few pay days to the year.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Right now. when the Democratic don
key has his eyes fixed on a road that
seems likely 20 lead somewhere, why
would It not be a good idea 10 put
binders on him7
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Stands the Test.

From the New York Sun.
There Is one test Of true greatness which NJ
Roosevelt undoubtedly meets. He carries some Of the
childish attributes into mature years-and one Of
them is a wild, swoonius passion f0r noise. He
loves 20 yell
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

"Haney's comet is to be photographed
for the first time in history" notes the
Detroit Free Press. Look pleasant, please.
old comet!
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
A Public Duty.

"Mr. Gouox. what are your rules for
acquiring wealth.
Il haven't any"
But you are a rich man now and
ought 70 think Up a few for interviewing
purposes"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Never.

Fr0m tl0 chicago TO8t-
sic transit gloria mundi" vas never no7e sic
transity than in the matter q mentioning gentlemen
for the Democratic nomination for President
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Does a mule kick?" inquiries the
GreentvilIe News. The general impress
sion is that a mule not only kicks, but
that every kick is a hit
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

our prize idea OF nothing 10 say. may It
please the New York Mail IS that Secre-
tary Wilson is about 10 resign from the
Cabinet
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

SO low IS the umpire's reputation that
it is commonly believed he would not de-
cided every point in everybo1y's favor,
even If II were permissible under the
rules
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

seems clear enough. Even the Demo
cratic party cannot expect to consist OF
four halves
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

A true optimist is party who hikes
forth 70 the creek bank nowadays conf
dent that II tho fish do not bite the
snakes will.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

A New York judge has ruled that a
woman has no inalienable right to change
her mind. On that point, however, HIS
honor may yet change his mind.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

AS at present played in Tennessee, the
gentlemanly game OF shooting the editor
IS unduly rough on the editor, neverthe-
less.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Let us hope the early morning weather
will be better when Halley's comet comes
around again, seventy-fve years hence.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

company and the lawyers getting the
money. the downtrodden taxicab patron
has no particular choice. Of course.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Admiral Schley stin believes in DR.
Cook. SO long as the admiral sticks to
It, lot Of us viii fail to feel as bad
about il as we otherwise might
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Paramount Baseball.

"Yonder is the reignlng beauty OF the
town"
"Drat the reigning beauty. She obscures
my view Of third base"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Mr. John Temple Graves is quoted as
having said recently: THE Democratic
party cannot exist half Bryan. half Bel
mont. half Hearst, and half Ryan" That
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

A physician says there are nine tests
for drunkenness. Not one OF them Is
guaranteed Immediately to convince the
patient, however.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Mr.. Bryan has won again on the grand
father issue. Most successful platform
Mr.. Bryan ever adopted,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

The famous missing incident" dwindles
with the passing days. It now seems that
Il all came from a few silly geese ever
in one corner.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Not TO Re Snee1ed At.

From the Wichita Eagle.
President Taft VII overcome all opposition II he
continues to show great interest In the national
game. The support Of the Baseball fans is great
thing
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Save for gibbering purposes, the old
free silver ghost probably has played out
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

No use trying 20 ger the census nan
to tell you all about your neighbours bust
ness. however. That IS not part Of the
game. at all,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

There IS no unicorn listed among MI
Roosevelt's new Smithsonian specimens
King Ned should nail his down .mmedi-
atClv
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
An AIInrIng snbrtitntn.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
Wen be on Easy street long before Congress Dis
covers why prices are 80 high
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Same old story.

They stopped the a!rship with g Jolt,
Then ran 81 IN shed,
AND dumped the crowd upon q cloud
To take the ship ahead.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
No Grent difference.

Seems to me this story lacks plot"
THAT is an automobile catalogue you
are reading"
80 it is. I thought it was a motor
novel"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
There's n Reason.

From the Omaha Bee.
Champ Clark says he would be willing % serve
in Congress. salary or no salary The lecture graft
is a good thing in itself
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
Same Old Storv

From the Smart Set
Bronxite-Is it dangerous TO put com
bustible things on a radiator?
Harlemite-Well-er-n in our fat
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

New York taxicab company has gone
into the hands Of a receiver. This win
not console anybody. AS between the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

whole lower peninsula had risen against
him. fastening back, he found that he
must co something 10 plaCate the people.
and he dissolved the long assembly and
ordered a new election This was duly
done. and Bacon was elected to the bur
gesses- This assembly passed a series Of
reform laws known as "Bacou's Laws.
The old governor, deeply offended AZ this
course. dissolved the assembly and pro-
claimed Bacon. who had again marched
against the Indians, traitor. whereupo7
Bacon, at the head Of several hundred
men. marched upon jamestown and
burned IL 10 the ground.
Berkeley fled before the armed invaders
and took refuge on the eastern side Of
the Chesapeake Bacon had now full
control Of Virginia's affairs, and he even
contemplated resistance to the Kings
troops, that were said 10 be on their way
10 the colony. when a deadlier foe than
armed men-the swamp fever-ended his
snort brilliant career. and Virginia was
destined TO spend another hundred Years
as royal colony
At Bacon's death his followers scat
tered. and Berkeley was again in full pos
session. and he wreaked vengeance on
them by hanging more than a score. in
Guiding the Rev William Drummond. a
Scotch Presbyterian and one OF the lead
Ing men of the colony. But the King was
dlspleased with the governors rancor.
The old fool has taken more lives in
that naked country than I have taken FOR
the murder Of my father" said Charles,
and Berkeley was recalled.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
AT THE HOTELS.

c. Z. Miller, banker and broker. OF
New York discussed the Havens victory
al tie New Willard last night.
80 far as / can see al this time. Il
means that the people are tired OF the
Republican party az the dominant power
In Congress" he said "Taey want a
change. The Republican party has be-
come rusty. as IL were. 4 grand shake
up Is what the people want They think
the best way 20 do that is by electing a
Democratic Congress and ] believe that
Is what's coming this fall The Rochester
constituency have no specific cause 20 be
dissatisfied with the Republican party.
Their industries were we'll looked after
In the tariff legislation, and from that
score they have no complaint. II is quite
evident that there is a general demand
for a change. Cannonism. insurgency.
the lukewarmness OF the Taft admins
tration. and the unsatisfactory tariff bill.
have a great deal 10 do with this feeling
Of unrest.
The Democratic party is gaining in
favor in all parts OF the country. and I
have no doubt that the next House
OF Representatives viii be overwhelm-
ingly Democratic. To rescue the party
from utter defeat the Republicans will
have 20 place in the field their strongest
and most popular candidate Who is
that? It isn't Taft. President Taft should
not be blamed for the apathetic attitude
with which his policy IS received by the
people. The party itself and Its leaders
should be blamed. Taft IS out OF the
question as an available candidate al the
next convention. He could not be elected
against men Ike Harmon. OF Ohio. Cay
nor, Of New York, and Otner strong men
In the Democratic side. There Is only one
man who could redeem the Republican
party and that one man IS Roosevelt.
There will be a tremendous cry for
Roosevelt as soon as he returns, and
neither he nor the leaders Of the Repub-
lican party and the machine can afford
90 ignore the popular demand for his
heading the Republican Presidential
ticket Roosevelt viii be our next Presl-
dent"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

April 20 is the date on which the Span
ish fleet was destroyed by Blake in 1857;
on which the siege Of Boston began in
lI75, and on which Cromwell dissolved
the rump Parliament in 1853 Il is the
birthday Of Rudolph Alderman, who es-
tablished photography as a fine art Q76D:
Napoleon III QsO9; Henry c. Tuckerman,
the critic and poet GSlS), and Alice Cary.
the poetess QS30)-
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
In the Spring.

Spring is a hopeful season"
Yes; every man still has faith in his
garden, also in the local baseball team"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20
The Important News.

A drop OF ink makes thousands think
when on the sporting page OF pink.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

One viii probably not have 10 wait long
for the time when the industrial pension
viii he the rule. rather than the excep-
ton. in the United States. according 10
James T. Warren. a manufacturer OF
Chicago. who is az the Shorehan.
In this connection it IS interesting TO
note" said Ny Warren. that while in
Europe the governments have taken the
lead in these matters of retirement and
pensions, over here private corporations
have been the first 70 Try them. Most
European governments have systems OF
compulsory insurance. Germany. for IN
stance. has subsidized insurance insutu-
lions, which write policies against sick
ness, accident. and old age. The gov
eminent conpsls everybody 70 take out
this insurance, but by liberal subsidies.
which Il gives 10 the companies. it is
able 20 give its subjects exceedingly low
rates. Il IS held that this Is better than
a straight-out gift from the government
as It helps the individual TO help him
self
"One OF the principal differences 70 be
faced in this country is the evil Of ma
Ignering,' which is another word for
playing sick The sick pay which this
insurance provides makes IL worth many
a mans while 20 feign sickness. and
there are as a result thousands Of cases
Of ualinEerinE reported every year. Other
nations have trouble with the 0Id-age
pension. From Australia comes the re-
port that there are many instances 10 be
found where old people give away their
property 20 their children. and then de-
liberateIy have themselves turned adrift
in order that they may receive the bere-
III Of the government. All sorts of lr1u-
BILE have been experienced in carrying out
tho civil pension idea.
II am glad 20 see that & Representative
in Congress introduced bill 20 increase
the salary Of government employees 10
per cent This IS a highly necessary
measure, and I hope Congress will sec
the wisdom and justice of Il. The cost
OF living in Washington particularly has
Cone up. but wages have remained the
sane as they were twenty years ago.
Congress raised the salary Of its mem
bers on account Of the plea that il costs
more 20 live in Washington even row.
The same argument should hold g05I
with the increase OF the employees
wages"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Sol NJ Morris, OF New York. who is at
the Arlington, speaking OF ancient Jewish
customs. said that, according 70 the Tai
mud, no faithful Jew may either strike a
match or extinEuish any kind OF fire or
light on Friday night AS a consequence,
the orthodox Jews hire gentiles 10 light
their fires and lamps and put them out ar
bedtime. one woman viii have several
families FOR whom she IS official eN--l-
guisher. and each pays her 10 20 . cents,
or even more, each week, 50 that they
can 20 20 bed IN darkness
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

The hyaCinth is a understanding flower.
and. though the water hyacinth may be
sweet smelling also. 1t is the cause OF
no end Of trouble in some Of the rivers
of the South. Il is such a nuisance that
it is featured IN the rivers and harbors
bill, and $4,000 is carried in that measure
FOR the removal Of the vegetation from
the rivers, so far as it is an obstruction
20 navigation in Florida. Texas. and
Louisiana.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-04-20

Senator owen, Of the serious counte-
hence. interjeCts humor into his remarks
at times. In speaking OF what he called
the waste OF money in improving I'M
known streams. he said: Il can't see the
necessity Of appropriating money for
SQueedunk Creek and Neversink River
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
Business Locals

See G. N, Platt's furniture sale
I'D in want column.
Mis-: i. II. Riggs at Columbia
Hotel will go out in domestic SER
vice or care for the sick, by the day
or hour. pills
Remember that in a short time
Mcknight will have some new ma
chinery installed SO that he can
handle rough dry washings salts
factory as to work and prices.
Did you have to hunt all over
the house for a piece of paper to
keep score on the last tim: you
played 900" or "63," and then
lose your temper because you could
not find anything suitable? If You
will get package of score cards
from The Pilot Office you will have
something that you will not be
ashamed of. A neat package of
% for 15c.
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
Disappearing Home Life.

The fat dweller ought not to keep a
dog, prefers not to keep cat, cannot
have a garden, has no chance of keep
ing house, has no possible place for
memories and, most emphatic of all,
has no use or accommodation for
babies. Although it may be possible
to make homes without kittens or
babies or flowers or memories or
cupboards, the spirit Of home is hard
to WOO and win without any of Them
Fortnightly Review.
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
Trying TO Make q Hit.

Judge - Do you acknowledge the
charge brought before the court of
throwing your wife to the ground and
knocking her head repeatedly against
the floor? Prisoner (evasively)-I was
only trying to make a hit with her,
your hOnor-Judge.
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
Whitefish Meat Co. In
PRODUCES New Ac-
counting System.

To Our Patrons and Friends:
For your own protection and
satisfaction, you are entitle to
an itemized invoice, with every
bill of goods which you buy of
us. To enable us to do away
with troubles and annoyances of
Our Old Method, we are going to
establish in our place of bust
ness
THE AMERICAN ACCOUNT
REGISTER AND SYSTEM
This will give you an iternized
bill with every purchase and a
statement as we'll, of the total
of your account to date. This
valuable information will protect
every customer who does bust
ness with us.
We are continually seeking
means for improving our service
and we know of nothing which
we can do that will be of greater
benefit to you than to place The
American Account Register and
System in our store.
We kindly request your coop
GRAFTON and assistance in this
matter. You cannot help but
like this method Of account keep
ing. You will always know just
what you owe and it will give
you a daily check on our methods.
Thanking you for all past ia.
vors, and assuring you of in.
creased efficiency on our part in
the future, we are,
Very sincerely yours,
WHITEFISH MEAT co.
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
A Substitute.

II am sorry. my dear sir, but neg
lected to bring my surgical instru-
ments with me-"
"That will be all right, doctor. The
plumber who has been working in the
cellar has left his tools here."-Ex-
change.
The Whitefish pilot. [volume] (Whitefish, Mont.) 1904-current, 1910-01-06
Go Rioht at It.

"Of course you know that germs
communicate sicknesSY"
EYES," answered the man who is ap-
prehensive about his health, land the
worst Of 1t is that they get right down
to business In their communications,
instead Of employing the scientific cir
cumlocution of the medical profess
sion"-