The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-12-14
Why ISIS Santa Claus?

why ISIS odntd CLAUS
Veil, | am almosd ashamed of
myseluf to be asked dot simble
question. Santa Claus ISIS becoss
he ISIS. Eff he wassn'd, he voultn'd
be. But der way he used to be ISIS
a difference matter.
In der beginnings Santa Claus
wass undesirablesome citziden.
Eferypody wass scared to deaf NIT
him. In feet, he wass lofed like
castor oil, only nod so much. A
reason wass der cause of diss.
Santa Claus wass SO rich. he coult
| nod get poor eff he vantet to, und
besites, he dit nod want to. He hat
all der money in der vorlt und wass
| busy trying to get all der rest of
| i'd away from der poor peoble. Ef
you voult meet him in dose days
he voult not know you, und der
recognition voult be mutual. Be-
cOss, Santa Gloss wass a small,
| din Teller. all shlimped up like a
dried herring, nit nod enough face
| to hang any vitzkers on; und hiss
skin wass pale and sick looking
| like spoiled COTE oyster und hat
der same pensife features. He
| hatet glatness und merry bells und
\ any noise like Christmas tree Orna
ments jingling behint der foldet
doors in der parlor. Und ven he
| heard of miserableness and chilt-
rem crying for food und heartacres
of papas and mammas, he voult go
''tee-hee" und hug closer to himself
uf by der fire. Becoss he hat no
| heart in him-only chunk of ice
fife cents wort. Und soon nopody
knew ven Christmas wass here,
most especially ven i'd arrifed. Be-
coss Santa Claus hat all der money
und money ISIS der most un-useful
ding in der vorlt-ven you hat id
all.
! Veil, eferypody saw dot Santa
Claus wass nod getting rid Of any
un-usefulness, so dey decidet to get
rid of Santa Claus und der pleasure
voult be all deirs SO dey coaxed
him ouid of hiss fine, rich house
nit sount like a blint man grub
bling in der snow for a penny he
hat dropped, und grabbed him unit
tied him nit all hiss money on a
sleigh. Und on der sleigh in front
dey tied some RENDERS und turned
dose RENDERS loose. Dey wass
homing RENDERS und coult go
| right home und stay. Und dey gal
| loped away nit olt Santa Claus,
| who wass tied on der sleigh like a
frozen fish, und eferypody hollered,
Goodbye, old Santa Claus! Don'd
| come back until your money ISIS
some use by you!" Und der rein
| deer took him to der Nord Pole
mitouid leafing his attress, so no
wonder DR.. Cook coult nod find der
location
Der Nord Pole ISIS colt blaze
nit no trobigal scenery except ia
rara borealisses und polar bears.
Won of desc fount old Santa Claus
und chewed him loose from der
sleigh to take him home to ids
fiddle bearies for supper. But he
wass so tough he hurt DER gums.
So they pushed him ouid of DER
nest, und he voult hat remained a
refrigerated meat eff i'd wass nod
for der RENDERS. Dey wass hun
CRY, too. Der snow wass too deep
for dem to get anydings to eat, so
dey licked der face of Santa Claus
und nearly hat der tongues froze
off But he came to, und sat up
feeling like a fiddle breakfast. Dere
was holdings to eat except lots
und lots of hiss fife dollar golf
pieces. He bit Won of desc und
fount it goot-but nod for break
fast food Den he got real mat mltt
anger und trew der money all Offer
der purple ice, Santa Claus dit,
mean little dried-up mummy dot he
wass. "Vot ISIS der use NIT i'd all?"
he SCREAMED. Und der answer