The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1910-02-11

Wy
MR.. GLUMM.
Ny old friend Mr.. Glumm declares
That holidays are all sell;
They interfere with our affairs
And cost lot of cash as well.
And YET his words cannot provoke
My envy for his boarded sum.
I'd rather find myself dead broke,
Than view the world like Mr.. Glumm.
He vows that festival events
Are but rehearsals for i'll health.
He tastes no pleasant condiments,
Unless, perchance, tits done by stealth,
But cen dyspepsia cannot make
My views of life to his succumb.
I'd rather have a stomach ache.
Than nurse a crouch like Mr.. Glumm.
Washington Star.
BOY CORRECTED.
Small Boy-"My father was a gen.
eral."
Small Girl-''You mean yer mar,
don't yer?"-M. A. P.
FOOLING THE BOY.
"Why do they want to preserve the
great American forests, pa?"
$50 that they can have forest fires
my son. Puck.
GOING THE PACE.
Edgar, 1 have dreamt three times
that you bought me a new hat"
"It's fearful, you will ruin me with
your dreams. s."-Fliengende Blaetter.
NO KICK COMING.
"You have band on your hat, I
see, M. Bobinard. Have you suffered
some misfortune?"
"Oh, no. I'm a widower. ."-Pele
Mele.
MATRIMONIAL DIFFICULTIES.
Mrs. Harlem-"Mr. Bronx has at
last got his daughters off his hands.
Mr.. Harlem-"Yes; but he hasn't
got their husbands on their feet yet"
Judge.
FIGURATIVELY, OF COURSE.
Youngwed-"I always crack up my
wife's biscuits.
Mr.. Bachelor - Heavens! Are
they as hard as that?"-Boston
Transcript.
CHARGE REFUTED.
"Isn't Maude rather cruel in her
"Cruel! Why she wouldn't step
upon the tiniest little mouse. ."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
YOUTH AND MATURITY.
Population Twenty Thousand
Make a noise for our town!"
Population Three Hundred Thou
have a noiseless city!"
City Times.
DEMEANOR ANALYZED.
"Your chauffeur seems very re-
spectful," said the guest.
"That air of deferential solicitude,"
replied Mr.. Chuggins, sis not respect.
It is sympathy. "-Washington Even
ing Star.
WHAT THEY DO.
at makes me awfully nervous to
ride in the subway" she was saying,
"the men snore so. :"
"Asleep?" asked her friend.
"No," said she, "just reading their
papers. New York Press.
DID HE SNAP THEM?
81 have been taking some moving
pictures of life on your farm" said a
photographer to an agriculturist.
did you catch my laborers in mo-
tion?" asked the farmer.
81 think so."
"Ah, well, science is wonderful
thing. "-Philadelphia Inquirer.
FROM THE STYX NEWS BUREAU
Rip Van Winkle (meeting Mum
chausen) tits a wonder, sir, that
some jester of your time did not call
you Baron of Truth. "
Munchausen-"You were some
thing of prevaricator yourself, Rip.
Didn't you lie in the woods for twenty
years? ?"-Boston Transcript.
DEAY TupTE,T
"Evangeline," said the old gentle
man, as he reached for his slippers,
lis that young man a good saver?"
"Saver." echoed the pretty girl,
with enthusiasm "Why, papa,
should say so. Do you know, he has
actually saved twelve Lincoln pennies
in the last two weeks. Chicago
News.
GOOD SCHEME
Tall Office Boy-"What' the old
man giving you his good cigars to
smoke for? Does he want you to cut
out cigarettes?"
Short Office Boy-"Naw! His wife
is COIUluS uOWu " liant d IouCn US-
fore she goes shopping, and he wants
her to think he is out. Chicago
News.
- =,
SOUNDED LIKE SARCASM.
whats this?" demanded the Gus
toms officer, pointing to package at
the bottom of the trunk.
"That is a foreign book, entitled
'Politeness,' answered the man who
had just landed.
Il guess I'll have to charge you a
duty on it, replied the inspector. "It
with a small and struggling
in this country. Chicago
Tribune.
The Test.
But of the three sorts, namely,
those who are born great, those who
acquire greatness, and those who
have greatness thrust upon them,
only the first are anywise certain to
know what the different forks are for
! III