davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1910-08-11

the body of that hall to listen to a
sermon on "Templarism" delivered by
Rev. DR.. George H. MacAdam Of Madi-
son, Wis, in the absence of Sir Knight
George c. Rafter Of Cheyenne, Wyo.,
very eminent grand prelate of the
grand encampment. The music was
in charge of the grand organist of the
grand commandery Of Illinois, the
choir consisting Of several male quar-
tets belonging to the order In this
state. The Grand Encampment of the
United States marched to the hall es-
corted by sir knights Of the various
communicates of Cook county, COM
manded by Benjamin s. Wilson, chair
man of the escort committee. In many
of the leading churches of the city
special services were held which were
attended by visiting knights and their
families.
Monday was devored mainly to the
receiving of the grand and subordinate
communicates and escorting them to
their hotels. 1t is estimated that fully
100000 visitors came with the knights
and that about 100000 other excur-
sionists have flocked to the city this
week in consequence Of the conclaVe.
Of course every lotel was thronged
and thousands of the visitors found
quarters in private residences.
On Monday evening all the local
and visiting Communicates kept open
house at their respective headquar-
ters, and many of the visitors found
their way to the various amusement
parks and the theaters.
Parade Of The Knights.
The grand parade" of Tuesday was
the largest parade of Knights Templar
ever held. The preparations were
elaborate and Michigan boulevard was
most elaborately decorated. The sir
knights formed in line Of march on
the boulevard south Of Thirty-1rst
street, and signal to move was given
by the guns of Battery B, l. N. G., the
detachment for the purpose being
composed of Knights Templar all Of
whom are members Of the battery.
The same detachment fred the salute
to the grand master.
Marching northward in Michigan
boulevard, the parade passed, near
Hubbard court, beneath an entrance
arch built in the form Of 'an ancient
battlement with its towers and tur-
rets. This was intended to represent
the entrance to the city, and as the
column passed under it, buglers sta
toned on its heights heralded the ap-
proach of each grand division.
Next the knights came abreast of
the first grand stand, one-half mile in
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1910-08-11
State CAPITAL Growing Fast.

AS a first census sample from
Ohio, the state capital makes a splen-
did showing. It's gain exceeds the
expectations of outsiders and must
surprise many of its own citizens.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1910-08-11

For Red, Itching ByeIids, CySts, styes
Failing Eyelashes and All Eyes That
Need Care Try Murine Eye Salve. Asep-
tic Tubes-Trial Size-25c. Ask Your Drug
gist or Write Murine Eye Remedy Co.,
ChicaRn.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1910-08-11

A mans argument is nearly always
self convincing.
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

cruelty" renig sadly, but nothing could
I obtain from those wretched victims.
This week already have caught Rail-
way Presidents and examined them care
fully. Their stories was pitiful. Not
only was they teo honest to get rich, but
they was working nights and Sundays
to support their Orphaned and Dummy
Directors
Are there no dishonest Trusts?" re-
quire Taft afhbly.
"a few" pronounce Hon. Wick, "but
there are none in captivity -.-
'I got a perfectly digestable Idea"
say Hon. Hitchcock, holding up his hand
like he wished to speak. This Plan will
fill U. S. Treasury by carloads. Yet it
will not be like the Tariff, which bleeds
the poor to tickle the rich. This Idea
from my brain is called the General
Nuisance Tax. Its objeck is to make
folks pay for the privilege of making
themselves disagreeable to others. Near
ly everybody like to be a nuisance once
in a while. Others oftener. Think of
what comfort it would be to do this
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

fact thet in prehistoric races ther weemin
folks did all ther manooal labor, while ther
men attended to ther ightin'. Now ther
men hev to do all ther manooal labor an
ther weemin do ther fghtin'. 'Twa' Mt right
fur this anty-cedent O ourn, whoever he
wus, ter ee-stablish a precedent by
changin' things frum what they wus.
II am firmly c'nvinced thet If mothers
knowed what cruel disapp'intments an suf-
ferin' an ignonliny their sons wus bout ter
step inter when they cum to them an put
their lovin' arms round her neck an tell
her that they hev gone inter a one-sided
alliance with sum girl, they'd take EN- out
inter ther woodshed an put 'em outen their
misery with a AK handle. Many a young
son to-day is leavin ther lovin' care o. his
mother an ther roof o. his father who hes
allus supported him an seen thet he he'd
their latest style O. green fuzzy hats an
fancy westcoats, ter go inter life partner
ship with girl what more'n Hkely'n refuse
ter go ter work an support him in ther
luxury that he hes been used ter. An Il
he gifts up spunk ernough ter guv her any
back talk, ur dares ter exercise ther same
prerogative es she does an set round ther
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

mot by the dam site!" This from
Hon. Taft, who only swears when he
thinks of the geography. Not one
spoonful of mud shall I retrench from
my Ditch. Hasn't nobody in this Cabi-
net got no painless plan to save money
for U. S. Govt? Achilles, what would
you snuggest?'
''I snuggest nothing" snib Hon. Bal
linger. do you imagine 1 would be
foolish & toothless enough to snuggest
selling few yards of coal lands? If l
so much as sneezed, all Insurgent papers
in America would take it as a secret
signal to the Guggenhams and the Cum
ningheims. Who knows but what some
Reporter Of low eyebrows is listening
this moment with inquisitive note
book?''
I could hear Cousin Nogi's teeth chat
ting together behind his hot Radiator
General" say Hon. Taft. turning to
Chief Lawyer Wickersham. "have you
prosecuted the Trusts with vigger, like
I told you to do?"
II have tortured them with great
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

thet statement O. Mrs. Cats at ther break
fast table this mornin."
Seems ter me thet statement o. Mrs
cats air a very ontimely suggestion ter
make ter married men jist when ther hook
worm disease hev bean dee-scovered," put
In the deacon. "Atween ther two it won't
be hard fur a lot O. husbands what don't
never do nothin' but set around ther house
all day an git in ther wife's way while
she's doin' ther neighbors family washin'
ter prove an alleby"
by Jerusheyi l b'lieve she air right
though" said the editor. Don't see WHY
ther marriage VOW haint an eekil partner
ship, an why ther wife ortn't ter go ter
work an support ther family partnership
jist ther same ther husband. 'Tain't a.
eekfl dee-Vison o ther family labors ter
expect ther husband ter wear out his pa-
thence drivin' mule team ur go out an
lift his diaphragm inter his pulmonary
tract tossin' steel billets an eat soggy
bread outen a dinner bucket fur lunch ter
support family o. CROWN children, while
his wife sets to hum an reads ther beauty
colyum In ther evenin' papers an powders
her nose SOS she won't git ter lookin' az
old as her hard workin' husband
Yes. sir, think thet this ere Mrs Gait
hes ee-volved purffectly fair an square
idear O. ther marital VOW. Any woman
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

partnership kicks 'em in ther pit o. ther
stummick with their cold heels an cruelty
tells EN- ter shut up an got ter sleep SOS
they kin git up in time ter git ter work in
ther mornin'. Tain't no wonder a lot o.
our bizness men air neglectn their wives
an givin all o their love TO their stenog-
raphers ur private SECRETARY. 1t air prob'ly
cause they air attracted ter a gal what
works. Now thet Mrs. Cats hes made
ther suggestion. 1 think thet this thing
orter be looked inter afore il goes any
further. Bein' a representative o. their law
squire. what do yuh think O. a one-sided
contract like ther marriage vowc''
BY crackey. now thet my 'tention hes
bean called ter il b this ere Mrs Catts's
statement, / would say tibet ther marriage
contrack air one-sided contrack, an as
sich 1t haint legal" replied the squire
iher marriage contrack ortnt ter hold
water IN any court o. law. rs uneekn
contract IL air unconstitutional an any
marriage contrack atween parties appearin'
before me in ther future onless il spec
cincally states thet ther wife an husband
snail labor eekilly ter support ther fambly,
shaIl be so judged, II air funny sum O.
'hem smart city lawyers hain't dee-scov-
cred this flaw in ther marriage contrack
afore"
Jimminy crickets! Want ther weemin
ioiks sit het up II Il air amended put in
the blacksmith.
Shucks' Twon't never be changed" said
the school teacher. Mans ideals hev
chansed since ther prehistoric times when
"eefnin did ther manooal labor. Then ther
sai with hand like a ham an shoulders
"Ae ther back q a hack an with ther soil
'her uneyverse smeared on her fiat nose
"us ther belle o. ther village. but now
s"e oe drug on ther matrymonial mar
MOST men nowadaysd fnd il tough
WIN rSln ter love fee-male what Gums
rum ther machine shop in ther evenin'.
'ai'Sih a dinner bucket. with a hunk o.
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

anty-cedents established a tarnation bad
precedent b. lettin' his wife down easy in
dee-vision o. ther family labors An
now 1t hes gone so fur thet ther weemin
folks hes got so dad-burned out o. prac-
tice at manooal labor thet they'd hev a
hard time holdin job in a stone quarry
ur rollin' mill. This is showed b. ther
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23
Overhears Suggestions
to Trim Public Expensa,

legally at slight cost. I have got here
In my vest a tiny schedule Of Taxable
Nuisances This list. Of course. could
be revised occasionally by any commit
tees agreeable to Serene O'Pain and
Senator Aldrich. Following is it:
GENERAL NUISANCE ACT.
THAT'S: Ladies wearing jolly Wild
ows with over ft. saw-edge extensions.
s3 annually. When complicated by os-
trich tail ticklers. 81 extra. Exposed
hatpins, SOC. each Ladies' who habit
ualIy retain their hats on in the Thea
tire until reminded by Hon. Ush and then
say, 20, I didn't Suppose anybody was
behind mer' SO for annual privilege
Gents wearing green plush Hats with
Anime ticklers stuck In the band, Slo
for 6 month privilege.
2-CONvERSATION- saying. II
knew DR.. Cook was crooked from the
first" SOC. for each offence 20, you
Kidr' 81 30. What will Roosevelt do
to Taft when he gets back?" 50 each
offence, $50 life privilege
3-TIPPING: Private persons tipping
Walters must pay 10 per cent of each tip
to the Government. Corporations tip
ping u. S. Senators needn't pay nothing,
because tip to Senator is patriotick
act.
4GENERAL NUISANCES: Police
men, Servant-girls. Elevator-boys, On
ions. Chauffeurs, Taxicabs. Cigarettes.
Psyehical Researchers. Peddlers. Picture
Puzzles, English Poets. Parrots, Musical
Comedies. Hookworrns. Flies and Popu-
lar Songs: all these must be fined to the
full extent of their face value
Such a tax as you snuggest," Hon
Wilson sprout sadly. BY disgusted mo-
ton he throw a apple corpse behind
steam Radiator and hit Nogi in the eye
lash.
Such a tax as you snuggest," he
sprout out. "is foolish on the outside of
1t. For instance. you mention taxing
Hookworms to the full extent of their
face value How thfnkless! 1t Is well
known among agriculturists that Hook
worms has no face. 1t is equally well
known that they has no value. There
fore you are talking garbage"
who could collect moneys 1som a.
Hookworm?" require Hon. Nagle sniffly.
'I have collected Campaign Contribu-
tions from tighter vermin than that"
snuggest Hon. Hitch simply. all the pride
of a Postoffice shining from his eyes
Before this meeting is sojourned,''
collapse Hon. Meyer, II wish TO put be-
front of you a Plan to improve my Navy
by spending S127. 100000"
IF you can put befront OF US a plan
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

tended to Washington, so that Castro &
Zelaya can float down Pennsylvania Ave.
and twitter their crimes in our face?"
No answer for Sec Wilson, who set
chewing apples with Horse Fletcher mo-
tionS.
''The Panama Canal" join on Hon.
Nagle, SIS like any other form Of drunk.
1t has been foolish and extravagant and
delicious while it lasted. Now let us
quit doing so while we are still able.
Let us stop Col. Goethals in his mad dig.
Thusly we can save sificient annual
millions to keep the Republican Party
in luxury. Peace will again snuggle ore
the land and by 1912 the Panama Canal
will be forgotten"
But 1912 is the date when we least
want the Panama Canal to be forgot
ten" This from Hon. Frank Hitchcock.
who is used to managing Campaigns and
other Theatrical Enterprises.
THE Culebra Cut might be cut slight
ly perhapsly,'' corrode Hon. McVey
fscally.
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23
Togo Is Deliciously Stewed
Attending a Cabinet Meeting

lowed considerably in arrears of all
others.
Hon. Taft take set down to end of
table. like he wish carve some Possum.
but none was there. Seating done by all
in chairs 1t seemed nearly illegal for
so many Great Men to be inclosed to-
gether in one small Room. Yet all be-
have very tame & genuine. except of
Sec. Wilson, who refuse to think with
the others and continued on eating ap-
pies from paper bags.
Let this meeting become orderly"
commence Pres. Taft. nearly forgetting
to smile. 1--WE must speed with brains.
Many irritated Questions are in front of
US to be settled up before O'Clock"
ITO what Questions do you refer tor"
require Hon. Hitchcock, taking a card
index from his Imagination.
"AIost angry Question Of ALL" say Hon.
Taft, lis how to run the Kingdom of
America cheaper than it now does. Ex-
penses must be cur-tailed. During the
last annual Year which has just closed
up, total cost of conducting this Gov
ernment was $7S3. 100000 80. This ex-
penses included, heat, light, gas janitor
service and general grating. This is a
very untidy sum. 1t would be noticed,
even in the Hotel Business Could not
any great Cabinet Man present think up
some delicioUsly stingy scheme to run
the Ship Of State cheap like Ferry
boat?"
Deep thinking heard side by side.
Them steamed Radiators behind which
me & Nogi was tucked became very few
erish. Sweats by US OF finally Hon.
Nagle explode with voice
"Wm., dear" he say, ''I wish to tell
you the candied truth in a straight
fronted and tete tete manner. You
are too spendthriftless in your tastes.
You are the Prodigal son of Ohio.
What for you want to build that Pan
ANA Canal which is more expensive to
keep in the family than O. ottomobile
You would imagine Uncle Sam was Pres
:dent of the Bell Telephone Co., the
reckless way he drop money on such
frivolous luxuries. And what use will
that Panama Canal be when it is
dugged?"
1T will bring Central America much
nearer to Washington" explain Hon.
Dickinson with meek expression peculiar
to Secretaries of War.
Central America is too near Wash
ington already" dib Hon. Nagle. "Al-
most every week we are disagreeably
obliged to lift some toy Nero out of Cen
trail America by the seat of his Ego.
Why do we want Panama Canal ex-
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

what enters inter a life contract ter help
a. man raise family an perpetuate his
famply name accepts eeltil Responsibilities
with ther man. an she orter be made ter
puHorm eekil labors. II this ere idear o.
Mrs Carrie Chapman Catts's air TUX a
hoid OF an pushed in ther right way II
won't be long till our wives. what set to
mum now an preserve their beauty SOS
peepui II say thet they don't see what she
ever saw in sich a wrinkled old mummy ESD
her husband is. II be grabbin' a pick an
shoVei IN one hand an dinner bucket in
.ier other an turnin out with ther ditch
oigsin' squad when ther mornin' whistle
oioWs Then well hev more happy mar
riages an husbands an wives won't hev
% 'arhation many ee-magined superiorlties
Ter throw up ter each other afore they start
tei thIo"ln' ther dishes an parlor orny-
iiehts an ther affinity fad IL go out o.
pilmess fur lack o patronage
nun trouble with ther marriage
vow Is thet sumbody way back 'mone our
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

TO improve your Navy without
S12I,OO0.Oo0. I shall listen poli,a,,.
Pres. Taft. otherwise. No. T,a.1 -
is never heard from but wha, !. f
to spend some more money. II
than keeping boy in Colledga~
''As there is ten more minpts.
quit-time." say Hon. Nagle. sr - -
read you a little ConmercA a
Poem which ought to tire vo,, 'F
much
So he pull following rbv,,,,..
thought from his internal pocket.
THE VILLAGE AIRsH1p
Under the spreading chestnut buss
The Village Airship lies.
The Boy Inventor at the helm
He's trying for a prize.
He fills the tank with gasoIsna
And gazes at the skies.
Up in the spreading chestnut bush
The Village jay Bird sits.
He sees that queerish airo-plsns
And laughts himself TO fits
IF that Thing flies I'll quit the s,,...
He twitteringly twits.
Around the spreading chestnu, bu.,
The Village Joshers leer
One says How would you like tob.
A airship- engineer"
One says. His poor Pa died OF dr,,s
No wonder Bill is queer"
The Boy Inventor twists the wheels.
Propelior-bladesg go round.
She starts. she qualxes. she bu--,.
shakes
AS il in pain profound
Does all a. Airship ought to do.
Except TO leave the ground.
The Boy Inventor vainly tolls
Until the fading light.
Then leaves his Filler meath the bu,s
Unguarded from the night
'I guess the thing won't run awsrs
He says-and he is right.
Up in the spreading chestnut bush
The azure Jay doth peck
What don't go Up won't ness en-,
Down"
He twitters, and by Heck.
If aeroS all was built like that
Folks wouldn't break their neck"
After this exhausting song. all tss,
Cabinets depart away quite vilingl-.
So me & Nogi are permitted 70 msrss
forth from those hot Radiators tstn.
entirely stewed.
Hoping you are the same.
Yours truly.
HASHIMURA TOGO
Copyright. 1910. by the Associated La.zt
Press
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

To Editor Tribune. who are not a Spirit
ualist, yet must believe that strange
Objecks comes out of Cabinets.
Dear Sir: Yesterday me & Nogi bor-
rowed a box OF chisels from Sage Futu-
yanla. Japanese plumber. who is study
ing to be a burglar. With these we
eloped to White House where we was
not expected to be present at Cabinet
Meeting which was announced to be
held there in soon time. We make soft
& sneekret gum steps to a side-door
window which we pry open while Hon.
Secret Service was away watching dog
fight. we enjoyed feelings of great
stealth like a Sugar Fraud going past
Hon. VIM. Loeb. With a smoothness
peculiar to Cockroaches walking over
Brussels carpets we climbed this win
dow and dropped to Room inside.
In this Room we seen & rich mahog-
ing very polite, like they expected i'm
portant company.
This is where Hon. Cabinet sets down
to eat the rag" pronounce with voice
full Of whispers. Let US tuck ourselves
away before they begin doing so.''
Outside in hallway we could hear the
footwear of several Public Men arriving
pedes OF panic from this sound.
This is no time to stand here retail
iating." decompose Nogi. I'VE must bob
behind something"
We seen high goldy steam Radia-
tors standing in opp. sides of Room. This
would be good hide for us. So, with i'm
mediate quickness, we slouched down
back OF these heated Objecks.
Hon. Door bounce open very hasty
First Person TO arrive up was Hon. Taft
which recognized by his large frontage.
Next by him came a slightly skinnish
gentleman with a Conservation Nous
tache and a distantly far-off expression
Of eyebrows, peculiar to one who has
Alaska on top of his mind. By his con-
stitutional manner when speaking to tie
President. l was sure this Person must
be Hon. Ballinger, Secretary of the In
side Dept
Nextly come Hon. Meyer and Hon.
Dickinson, representing Army & Navy
Forever, like guns of equal greatness.
Nextly follow Hon. Agriculture Wilson,
resembling Sanity Claus. NextIy arrive
Hon Frank Hitchcock. Postmaster Gen,
who is entire too big male to send for
&c. postage. Nextly approach Laborious
Secretary Nagle talking to Boss Attor-
ney Wickersham with lawsuit voice.
And Hon. McVey, Sec. of Treasury, fol-
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

up ther inside pages, he jIst TUX down ther
big stick often ther hall rack an helped
ther edytors out b clubbin out a few scare
head articles fur ther front pages with a
seven colyum runover on ther inside.
Whenever ther murders an ther dee-vorce
courts an ther Pittshurg milIyonaires d
let up a leetle Roosevelt wus allus eekil
TO ther occasion an ready ter supply ther
deficiency. 'Sno moren right either fur
ther Preseydent what hes ter ree-ly on ther
newspapers fur support ter help ther edy-
tors out with a feature story now an then
in their hour O. need. This feller Taft
mought be good ernough Preseydent hut
he haint treat'n' ther newspapers right"
"Shucks! Why don't yer guv ther feller
time ter git started" said the grocer.
Seems ter me that he hes started ther
nucleus fur set o. good stirrin news
items b hrin' Pinchot, a friend o. Roosey-
felts. frum ther COVER ment sarvice Thet
leetle affair air gonna be wuth sev'ral three
colyum headlines yet afore it's over. An
when Rooseyfelt gifts back frum wrastlin'
white hippypottymuses with his muscles
bulgin' out his coat sleeves so thet he can't
git his arms up ter comb his own hair an
achln ter start sumthin'. you'll find tibet
ther papers III hev ter put on extry pages
an crowd out ther sportin' notes an ther
daily health hints an ther portraits o. ther
wright brothers ter make room fur ther
news frum Washin'ton.'
speakin o int'restin' news" put in the
squire, i wus readin' a article t'other day
whut INTERESTED me sumwhat. was readin'
Where woman named Mrs Carrie Chap
man Catt sayed in a speech thet a woman
hednt no more right ter put her husband
out what hes quit his job an is livin on
her wages than husband hes ter fire his
wife when she won't work. This ere Mrs
Gait says met woman orter work an
heip ter support ther family. Their wife
an me heo d whale o an argument bout
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

mouse all day drummin' on ther pianner an.
readln novels. she'll more'n likely soak
MN on ther top o. ther head with a rollin,
pm an roll his mangled ree-mams often
.her front porch an tell him never ter cum
ndOh 'lii ne gifts a job. 'Tain't right fur
'ier male sex ter be treated in this onfair
manner jst on account a. n pre-caadaot
ee-staolished in ther dim. distant mast
iva TINS way when ther world WINS
!ouiis' II was Eve what he'd ter shin mn
'i'er tree an pick ther apple In ther Garden
hdeh' while Adam set In ther shade an.
ct II This ere Mrs. Cats knows what sha
is talkin' bout
iaih no wonder thet a thunderin Iot
our young married men air layin' awake
Tar inter ther night a-sohbin' out tha,r
hear's on tear wet bolster. an wish,n.
'ney heant never left ther luxurious SIM.
port loVin' father. Then ther wives
"hat hes inveigled EN- inter this one side,
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23

waste stickin' Outen her hip poeA', a. a,
face covered with grease an sn's "A
a oil REFINERY Most youns - ~
when they be sparkin' a sal. lac ...,x
a lettle velvet hand slippin' ln's' ed
their dark hallway. instead o go S,rs
o. a paw like a bears. covered -
frum handlin' a pick an sheVsA r.n .
eekil contrack ur not. ther sv ras tss,
terday'd a burned sight ru'hs' ss.,,sn.s.
din'rence an git sUmthin' more ''-
an not quite so useful.
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23
BY lin NASTIrM

N.f HAT air ther most interestin' news
WV in ther city papers these days.
Josh?' asked the grocer of the
editor. as he cut off a dimes worth of plug
for that noulder of public opinion.
There hain't none, by dad replied the
editor when Rooseyfelt wus Preseydent
we never he'd sich a stagnation in ther
news market es what we air undergoin' at
ther present time. When Rooseyfelt found
ther flow o daily news stagnatin' a leetle.
an saw thet ther edytors WIS gonna hev
e hard time diggin' up features fur ther
front page an enough b'iler plate ter fill
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23
POLITICS FOR THE MASSES

Orator-Tske the figures So, ',,,,.ius -
and subtract 50. 4oo.SS7 IN le'' -, Ger
per cent for increase OF pop'l.. eoncl.'
tlemen. you can draw your '"
SionS. ssar,-Yal'~
Enlightened Audience-'EaF'
New-York tribune., 1910-01-23
HE DIDN'T GO up HEAD

IF the whale swallowed Jonah. "
didn't the lions devour Daniel?" asked i.
teacher.
The redheaded boy spoke up:
''Mebbe Daniel was in the circus business
an the lions knowed him"'-Arlanta Cas.
stitution-