Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1910-08-02
ONE CENTURY HENCE
THIS STORY MAY THEN NOT
SOUND AT ALL FUNNY.
Iou Man In the City, Take This Timely
Tip, and Forthwith Skedaddle
Right Back to the
Farm.


II is Paula's o.d-fashioned whim hat
makes us visit the old folks in the city
every five or six years. | think she
hates to leave the comforts Of the farm
as much as | do, but she was born and
reared In the city, poor gsrl. and. per-
haps, even stupid, out-of-date Broad
way has faint memorial lure for her.
Also she has a queer sentiment about
duty to ones parents, never having
been taught that parents are mere &C
cidents. for which one is not respon-
sible.
Never again. though! I'm back among
my cows and conveniences, and never
more will be dragged into the dinBy,
dull, seedy, subway-ridden, poverty
stricken dump they call New York.
Paula's folks can think, II they want
to, that I'm swelled up and look down
on them just because I'm farmer and
they mere common city folks. They
can come out here and cape at my pri-
yate monorail system, run my best
aeroplane into the hanging spinach
gardens and smash the wireless with
their chatter to Cousin Rudolph's
folks In Mars, They're welcome any
time. But they can't reciprocate.
My father had some sense. He was
good old Forty-niner-joined the Back
to-theLand Rush of 1919. you know
and I've stuck to his pay dirt The
fools that stayed in the city can keep
staying there, If they can live on
$4,000 year and enjoy clerking in
store at that pay, all right Eut one
of my automatic hens earns more than
that in week.
I've tried to help EN-, too. Why. my
wife's dad, even at sixty-five, If he'd
take my advice and buy a little IA
story irrigation farm in Sahara, stock
1t with artificial dirt. raise flowers on
the ground floor, pigs on the second,
fruit on the third, and so on, would
have a decent nest-egg before he died.
And he'd be within 10 minutes fly of
New York all the time.
The cost of living began going up
way back in my grandmother's time
1908 or something like that-and still
I q ANt VI NhCoS Wy dOptS NOhAth NahV
hint-went on putting good money
into railroads with two rails.
! However, it's no use ridiculing the
wife's folks. All | say is that | won't
visit their foolish urban den any more.
Why, the old man makes noises when
he talks, as If the soundless speaker
had never been invented. And he want
ed me to shave with a safety razor,
when one could see at a glance that
| my vacuum puller had given me a bald
face for life.
Then, when | asked the butler TO call
up Aunt Jennie's spirit In the other
world on the spook telephone, Paula's
mother informed me that they didn't
talk with the dead, because It seemed
uncaanny to their old-fashioned minds.
Wouldn't that crumple you up?
But, of course, they're poor. don't
suppose the old mans got a million to
his name. So III have to forgive them
for running the sewing machine and
wash wringer with an electric battery,
instead of connecting the house with
Halley's comet power. which runs
everything on the farm except Paula
Yes. forgive em, but never again
for me! Hey, Gus, switch the weather
regulator for rain. see by the long
distance camera that the onions in the
northeast corner of the seventy-thlrd
story are a bit dry. No, you can fill
the New York order with the fourteen
year-old eggs; | doubt If the thirteens
are ripe enough for the lay trade
And shift the Burbank gage In the
twenty-third level; wen raise pickles
on the strawberry vines this year.
Puck