davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
BOY IS HIT
BY AN AUTO

Lester scholes, four year0ld son
OF MT and Mrs John scholes,
Eadler apartments. was struck by
an automobile last night while
playing IN the street m front OF his
home on Hazard av and Pike st.
He sustained broken les and
several bruises. The boy was tab.
en- first 20 his home aud then re
moved to Providence hospital The
car which hlt the lad was driven
BY W nickouson. an employe OF
the Olympia Motor company Dick
enson was arrested and released
on $50 bail Hc says his car was
almost stopped when be hit the
boy.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
7. R. EXPRESSES
HIS SYMPATHY
10y a staff Correspondent OF the
United Press.j


STOCKHOLM. May ~ ROose.
welt expressed grief today over the
death Of King Edward All Ameri
cans and nrltons. he declared. must
gricye deeply az the kings death.
lie paid u high tribute TO the
dead ruler. saying that Edwards
ability. tact and judgment aud bis
unfailing kindness rendered him
peculiarly ~ 10 work for interna.
tional peace and Justice. Roosevelt
sent personal message Of condo
lence 20 the widowed queen.
The colonel does not know just
what changes In his own plans the
kings death will cause. A. yet.
his plans for his visit TO Berlin
have not been altered.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
Beaten pnd Robbed.

Claiming that nc vas taken 70 his
room while helplessly drunk. beat.
en- into Inconsistencies and then
robbed of sis< Joseph Drapeau. a
logging camp foreman from Idaho.
told his story to the police last
night Patrolman Ballard arrested
Charles Cunningham. n teamster,
on suspicion and the affair is being
investigated today.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
INDIAN ADMITS
KILLING SHERIFF

LAKEPoRT. Cal. May ANDY
Moore. the Indian captured By the
posses In Scott Valley. today con
fessed 10 killing Sheriff Kemp
Thursday. according 20 the author
tiles. Moore implicated Louis
Augustine In the killing Augustine
was arrested Feeling against the
men is high Ia Lakeport. whore
Sheriff Kemp wis very popular.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
Jailed for Beqqlno.

Charged with begging. u. NJ.
Hartman, who claims to be a speak.
er for the Wage Workers party.
was arrested last night by Patrol.
men Montgomery and Barton on
Washington ST. He was Just pass.
Ing the hat In his crowd when the
officers appeared.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

Oh. mother that I could give TO thee.
Nos that thou canat not eee-
Tha, ! could give back the sight. my dear.
That thou hast given me-
on. mother. that could give 10 thee,
Now that thou lcayest me
on. mother. that ! could give to thee
The life thou hast given me-
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

Local train for Portland and I'm.
termediate points. o. e. w X. r.,
7:l5 a. m. Breakfast served in din
Ing car. Passenger station. First
avenue south and Dearborn. sss
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
ONE MORE WEEK
OF THE HALF RATE
l0UGHkfY TREATMENTS

THIS OFFER WILL BE EXTEND.
Ed TO ONE WEEK FROM
TO-DAY, WHEN 1T POSITIVELY
ENDS - MANY REMARKABLE
CURES HAVE BEEN ACCOM-.
PLIsAED.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
THE BEST OF EVERYTHING

In our line TO be found in stock
here We do satisfactory painting
papering. kalsomining. etc, at
reasonable prices.
Federal Paint and Wall Paper Co.
1914 LIST Ave. Arcade Annex
Right In the Shopping Center.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

M. D. WALKER M. D.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
GRADUATE LICENSED -sHECfALisF
ExA MfNATfu& AND ADVICE FREE
a91 Erf.ER nLucE

uk Muf.LiNNfX old and most thor
cuEh speetzlisf IN Seattle. treats al dis
eases u she ueftea threat, EnHkAs ttAft
stomach. liver. klaucyS. bladder URINARY
eiserdefs Gail stones removed without
operation AT medicines fufnithed NJ
experience is world wide ard nrtr TIE
Offiee Ia Liberty nuildlnK. Sesufr rAird
and tnias 81. gppesita uestefilee faugsH
2s1 and 80 fhene Main ttaa
Or FRANK BRooks rasaiysis
rhsumatisna aerVugH and chronic aia-
markedly successful Arcade Anusx.
rooms r1s-atf third finar
Doetpr HARDING. formerly Epier hioer
has speEsd u~w offices ~ 49s no Arcade
Ann~x fnd afts
nr VIVA T Losertnr removed ais-gp
Lunihsg ExehAaxw hath phones 1881
DIR Nm III ASngRsuS = Diseases 81
the skin. as Lumtes Exchange
DR. ~ brown. abadminsl gentle
urinary rectal diseases. sa-t teary BldS
u Dalton aAin aiseases as Areads
Dr Tucker rniaa niaes ias $50
.o.o~o, ~ r,cJ ~ ( i, ~ VIZ .,~,,-~,,u~
is2s rlflh az
cniieetinns hsaxht NaiA nfnHer stamp
Co 40 washingtea Eldg flrst 81.
-7cc N ~, y. ,S.
lumhis q seaisig nnit phones ttli
Heller does meet - priniinx ias
seueea q Phanr lad asts
RFNTAL AGENtIks.
LLEWEf.IYS 4 W1RD. 5tis ilafEs slie
>.~., sAsu sSIl poolse .,-,,..,
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

Oh. mother. that I could do for thee
The things thou has done for me;
That I could pas back a thouAandth part
or the love thou Dearest me;
That / could give thee the strength | hold,
Now that thou growest old.
That could strengthen thy feeble step.
AND let not thy hands grow cold
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

Prince George. aa King Edward
10y dying. ~ reported 10 have Ad.
miited 20 those who stood about the
death bed his fear Of assuming the
responsibilities Of kiugxhip.
The grief ~ the queen WAS pa.
thctic The earlier life of the king
and queen was not marked by much
display Of affection on either side.
but 0f late years the couple w.re
greatly 10 love.
Tho queen Was almost constant.
~ By Edwards bedside In the last
two DAYS OF his Illness She bore
up wonderfully under the strain.
and physicians say that her condi-
ton today Is no WORSE than could
be expected. and there Is no cause
for alarm
The public Is erlticlsing Edwards
physicians for allowing the king to
endure the rigorous nlarritE climate
In March and 20 go 20 Sandringham
last Monday. where he caught q
cold II IL conceded. however. that
these iudiscrctiona may have only
FASTENED the death. which could
not have been delayed long.
Arrangements for the funeral are
being held in allegiance until cab
met and parliament meet. Cabinet
members are hurrying 20 London.
Absence Of important members is
responsible for the delay OF pariia'
ment In meeting. II IL believed
certain that parliament will be In
session Monday.
King Emanuel Of Portugal tele-
graphed today that he would attend
the funeral
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
ENGLAND FEARS
FOR NEW RULER
tcOnciuded.l

tGonCiuded.l
OF a larger navy. lie has advo
Gated II at all times. aud Il is be-
lieyed that he viii not abandon the
hobby. even though Il should arouse
the ire OF the Germana
IN spite Of the accepted belief
that the king Is without real power
10 the actual affairs of government.
he Possesses tremendous IN
fluence King Edward exercised
this influence with consummate
SKIN. and by bis personality alone
avoided many of the shoals that
might have wrecked the monarchy.
Even Edwards tact and the devo-
ton he Inspired were not sufficient
at AL times 20 avoid political un.
rest. and the most restless time ia
his reign came Just before his
death.
Political Burden.
The political burden he has be-
queathed to his successor requires
the ability of a statesman Of first
degree. Il Is no use 70 pretend that
the nation considers King George v.
adequate in ability or power to
cope with the situation.
The popular comment on the
prince was many times slightlnE
ard oftentimes conteuiptuoua To-
day the newspapers merely express
the hope that the opportunity 10
rule will develop unexpected abil.
ity.
The general depression Is aggra.
waited BY the unpopnlarity Of the
new queen. Victoria Mary. formerly
Countess May Of Teck
In the past the Princess Of Wales
was tolerated by the psopie and
hated Ia the court circles. In per
sonality she is unpopular with the
commoners
Six months Of mourning. a trifllng
thing probably In comparison with
other phases Of the death Of Ed
ward. may prove one OF the grayest
periods Ia the budding career Of
the new monarch.
Trade VIII Suffer.
Business men and tradesmen al.
ready are beginning TO bewail the
half year OF duh trade attendant
upon the mourning period. The loss
OF profitable business In the social
season Is sure TO result In the ruin
OF thousands OF small tradesmen
This will be an important thing at
9 time when the financial affairs OF
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

BERLIN. May r. Although no
official announcement has yet
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

read the proclamation OF a new
king reignluK In England.
Then followed fanfare OF trum.
pets. the presentation Of arms by
the assembled troops and a great
shout from the entire Assemblnge
OF God Save The king
The royal band played the ma
glonai anthem aud battery on an
adjoining terrace fired salute
King George v uf England had
been proclaimed.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

bungalow or Mission doors tfGo
slight barn sash, Sac 20 sic
Cottage front windows bottom riass
fexso inches. top light. fsxzo. t2ss
Glass china cupboard dpeffs see.
Porch columns. Goa 20 tise
Wall Or deadsnins felt. l 10. 70 yard. roll
OF $50 feet tie0
Gold Seal routing. square. 9E3s
Rim locks. with black knobs age
Aortised locks. Jet knobs. 2zc.
Front door lock night and day keys.
solid bronze knob and eseutchcon. hand
bafsed. fancy finish. g.
Gold Zeal house painf, none better. ~
e0iors. per gallon. tiT5. s-gaiioB iots.
ttfo
Gold seal barn and roof paint. s-gaiion
cans sec gallon.
Keystone vsrslHh. per gallon. 81 50.
SEND FOR OUR FREE CATALOGUE
o. - WILLIAMS co.
1910 Western Az, near Madison
seattle----Bofh Phones Wash.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
FROM Mlll
GlREGT
U O " 0U

Esay your huiidiaE material.
frqsa the MANUFACTURES
and SAVE THE RE
TAILERs PROFIT. Wv
are the largest ft2caus-
best sash and door man
ufaci4rufa In the Pacific
Northwest These prices
tell Why
cFons panel doors. for
paiusiug. tizS
Cross panel doors for
staining. Si.sa
Cross panel doors, OH
finish. sf.s6.
Front dro9s. sass. 1850
and gp.
Slight windows. Use 70
Has
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

~ff nm ~; SS;SrSS sspl r'N>fi MA
BlAG. and ara Vain IND 1879. Main 1874.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
GSl / IE0IPA1 i INV

Chronic diseases cured Mrs Rant.
room 10 Aelrose. 9Th and Pike Tel 48as
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

HUI
perso,|
yester|
der III
eonlTl
Tie|
the
from
Eathes|
game
time d
hnndr|
/ vas Al
Yards
Te|
great
fadius|
windo|
away.
The n
crowd
With Il
heaps
. heard
and Vi
People,
an cad
disast,|
smoke|
pitals
SE,|
today
Actors
The hi
The
The AL
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

~HccoNcorssccS< y ~, l7cc1cSac
- 1sc stareKe peckinR zzis first az
Union transfer. MOVING q storage Co
1924 ist Phones Main $50. Ind sss
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

coo~co-c-ele1~sl1e~oncs~nNoo~y
Trunks. bags ana cases made. repaired
SO pine Wastiake market
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07
s1osyglg.CAtgks,.


~cr.~~~.0c~(sc- <~S<s--~s~y>~c.~oI
cabinet YORK. 2sls Flfal. Ina 1es3
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1910-05-07

OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
BELL theatre. rfrsf aV near spring
One.hour show. strictly Independent
Admission 81.
OLIVER theatre. Spring 81. near sac
ord. Only flraL run pIciarea ahoWn. Ad-
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1910-06-15
Lovely Complexion
A Clear Skin and Bright Eyes are Easy
to Get.

All the beauty creams in creation
won improve your complexion if your
stomach is out of order.
Belching of gas and heartburn meau
bad food in the stomach. Bad food
means bad blood and bad blood means a
bad complpxion. Try Mi-o-na stomach
tablets for stomach misery, bilious
ness, dizziness and Indigestion. They
relieve in few minutes; they make
rich, red blood. They are guaranteed
to cure or money back. Read what a
Kansas woman says:
II want to praise Mi-o-na stomach
tablets for I had been doctoring for
over a year for stomach trouble and
found nothing that did me as much
good as Mi-o-na does. only have the
second box and it has RELIEVED all pain
| in my stomach. For all who suffer
from stomach trouble or Indigestion
Mi-o-na can't be beaten. Y on can use
my name, for Mi-o-na has done a world
of good for me when doctors failed. y
Mrs. Cordelia B. Mann, Z07 E. 18th
ST., junction City, Kansas. November
Ito.
Mi-o-na stomach tablets are sold by
druggists everywhere and by F. d.
i Pierce for so cents large box. Test
samples free from Booths Mi-o-na,
Buffalo, N. Y.
| Sold and guaranteed in Orleans by F.
j. Kinney.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
JunoIe Housekeepiro.

The negro housewife in the West Indian jungle finds housekeeping very easy. Fruit and vegetables grew Wi.d all about the hut and the river abuuuGS with fish. On wash day all she has to do is To pick a few of the berries of the soap berry tree. take her clothes to the river and use the berries aS she would use ordinary soap. Even her cooking pots grow on the trees. the calabash cut in halves being used for this purpose. Cal;, hashes are used also for bowls, basins and jugs for carrying water from the river. while the small ones make excellent cups. In the afternoon, when she Is ready for her cup of tea, the negreSs picks half dozen leaves from the lime bush growing at her door, boils them, squeezes the juice from a sugar cane for Sweetening and the cocoanut sup plies the milk. Thus she has deli eieus cup of tea without depending on the grocer for it. She makes the mats for her floor out of the dried leaves of the banana, plaited and sewed togcth- CT as the old country people in this country make their rag mats.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Many Uses of Sand.

The sands of the Sca gre >arzularly useful. They asr of lrim@,$ impor- tance in lia~Sulf&II@. Iaeg have an important pt.c" in tagft3.e, as a bank of sand tWeut! Inches thick i~ proof against modern rifle sAyts The elcc- trical properties of sand show that it has positive electricity. although q red of silica. the chief constituent of sand. Is negative.
 The singular drying effect which oc- CUTS when q stretch of wet sand is pressed by the foet is due entirely to an alteration ill the pilins of the sand grains. Normally the grains are close together. but abnormal piling Is brought about by pressure of the foot, the space between the edges of the grains being enlarged and the water drained away. If the pressure of the foot is continued the sand becomes wetter than ever, the partial vacuum quickly 1r.nging water from the sur rounding sand.
 In quicksand the moving character is thought to be due to the impriSon- ment between the grains of gases from organic matter-Chicago Tribune.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
A. .Aquatic TraoedY,

When visitors came Bobby was often turned out of his room and into the garret for a night or two. He die not object to this. but he felt that il endangered certain cherished posses sions. When his uncle, the clergy man, arrived unexpectedly one night Bobby was transferred to his garre, quarters in haste and with small cere mony, and neglected to take any pre- cautions to guard his treasures.
 T have to thank the thoughtful per son who placed glass of water on the table near the bed last night" said the clergyman the next morning. ''j awoke in the night and found it re freshing-most refreshing"
 "Oh!' said Bobby, in a tone of sor row and reproach. You've drinkeG up my nice new 'quarium, and all'-
 But here Bobby's revelation was sup pressed by his mother.-Youth's Com panion.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Cauoht.

A shopwalker in a large business, noted for his severity to the assistants under him. one day stepped up to a counter from which a ladylike person had just left unserved
 You let that lady leave without making any purchaser" he asked an grily of the meek looking young man responsible for the handkerchief de partment sales.
 ''Yes. sir. r.
 And she was at your counter fully ten minrtes?"
 "Doubtless; but, then, you sec"-
 Exactly. 1 saw that, in spite of all the questions she put to you, you rare ly answered her and never attempted 10 get what she wanted'
 Well. but
 You need not make any excuse, shall report you for carelessness."
 well, hadn't what she wanted?' What was that?''
 Five shillings. She was canvass ing for subscriptions to an encyclope- dia."-London Globe.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
An Experience at Hull House,

Even death itself sometimes fails to bring the dignity and serenity which one would fain associate w4th old age I recall the dying hour of one old Scotchwoman whose long struggle to keep respectable" had so embittered her that her last words were gibes fer those who were trying to minister 10 her. "so you came in yourself this morning. did you? You only ont things yesterday. 1 guess you anyw when the doctor was coming. Don't try to warm my feet with anything but that old jacket that I've got there: it belonged to my boy who was drowned at sea nigh thirty years ago, but it's warmer yet with human feelings than any of your confounded charity hot water bottles" Suddenly the harsh gasping voice was stilled in deatb. and I awaited the doctors coming. sEs.4en and horrifed-Jane Addams in Aver tcan Magazine.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Not For Himself,

"It does me good to see pc npous man get his" said stockbroker. ''l have a friend who just about believes the Lord created the earth in seven days for hie especial benefit He has a fine he:4"= on Long Island. with :, retinn" of servants, but his wife is a seII!i-i,34a iG and it falls to the lot of Mir. a=,.i '+.5s 70 execute various com ..::s~. :. Ter in the city. Tie other
 ~l-se= ;;,.-..ed him to stop at cloth -. = s..sl get a couple of white .=. fer the butler. l hap .z,.. ! z 'se with him when be entered -'' ,--'.~a S,riding maiestically up to j ~:. ...,.e salesman, he said. with iilJ1s | |, ressive dignity:
 - -; to purchase a couple of "..i,a s.s..sers coats
 "'fc<. sir said the little salesman What size Gc you wear:'
 ''ATr puasnous got red in the face sli!atterel I'd eurg!od. and then as ii fearing to trust himself to speech turn cd on hiS heel and strode from the place. He left me at the next corne. and has avoided me ever since'-EaH York Sun.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Who Got the Baby?

Once upon a time crocodile stole a baby and was about to make a dinner of it. The frantic mother begged SC piteously for the child that the croce die said:
 'Tell mo one truth and you shall have your baby again"
 The mother replied, You will not give him back to me-"
 Then" said the crocodile, "by oul agreement shall keep him. for if you have told the truth I am not going te give him back, and if it is a lie have also won.''
 But the mother said. 'If told you the truth you are bound by your prom ise. and if it is not the truth it will not be lie until you have given me my child"
 Who got the baby?
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Empty Titles.

William Jennings Bryan once joked about our American fondness for titles.
 You all know of the colonel" he said. "who got his title by inheritance. having married Colonel Browns wid- ow? But once met general who got his title neither by inheritance, ncr by service. nor by anything you could mention.
 "'General,' I said to him, how do you come by this title of yours. any way?'
 "'Why, sir said he, I passed my youth in the flour trade and for twen ty-seven years was general miller.'
 T know another titled maA. Judge Greene.
 "'Are you, sir once asked him, a United States judge or circuit court judge:'
 "I ain't neither,' he replied. T'r' 8 judge of boss racin'.'"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
No Sense of Proportion.

The young man who had spent his efforts for several yoars without re- suit ill studying art was talking with his practical uncle. who had patiently paid the bills.
 Of course" said the young artist, "I know l haven't made much of a go of 1t, but I don't think you ought to ad- wise me to try something else. You know it's best to put all your eggs in one basket and watch that basket.">
 ''Um. That may be, Charlie; but did you ever think how foolish it is to tam egg"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Fear.

Fear causes more disease than do microbes. more deaths than famine more failures than panics. It costs more than war, is always failure and is never necessary. said a medical man. Fear weakens the hearts action. in duces congestion. invites indigestion. produces poison through decomposins foods and is thus the mother of auto poisoning. which either directly causes or greatly aids in the production of quite 90 per cent of all our diseases.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Applied History,

First Professor My dear colleague, Pm little puzzled. When did the first r"hponnesian war begin? Sec ond !':ufessor-B. c. 431. First Pro- fess"t Quite right. quite right. That is the number of my doctors tele- phone. I was to call him up and tell him my wife is sick.-Exchange
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
SimpIified Spelling.

"Why did you take Elnora away from school, Aunt Mahaly?" a lady asked her cook one day. Aunt Mahay y sniffed scornfully.
 "'Cause de teacher ain't satisfaction ary tuh me, Mis- Mally. What you reckon she tell dat chile yistidy? She low dat W spell four when even q idjut 'ud know dat it spells ivy"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
An Easy Advancement.

Wife-Am ]. then. never to have III, way in anything" Husband-Certain- ly. dear. When we are both agreed you can have your way. When we differ I'll have mine''
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Not Strono Minded,

"Your wife, Clark, is, I should say. a strong minded lady"
 '"There you would be wrong. I should rather describe her as brittle minded"
 Brittle minded:"
 "Yes; she's been giving me pieces yf her mind for years."
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
Your Own Misfortunes

Bear your owl misfortunes with half the resignation that you hear other peoples aud you will be happy. It is so easy 10 tell other people how to be heroic and so difficult to be courageous ourselves.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
A SIiqht Chanoe.

Slight changes sometimes make a great difference. "Dinner for nothing," would be agreeable. for instance; not so. "Nothing for dinner"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
His Wish.

Tom-I wish this ten dollar bill was ten dollar debt. Dick - Heavens! Why? Tom-Fd never get rid of it. Cleveland Leader.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27

An irritable man lies like a hedge
 hog rolled up the wrong way. torment ing himself with his own prickles.-8. P. Hood
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27

We are sure to get the better of for tune if We do but grapp'e with her, Seneca.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1910-08-27
WTo~
 2 ' N> < A. AN.., ~.L -'-


 NohnY KILLS. SroP TT. EASIER SAID THAN DONE: NOT IF YOU LET Us $ Il 0 tLD D | k OUR SHARE.
 AND OUR SHARE IS TO SEE YOU GET RESULTS FROM YOUR ADVERTTSE- MENTS IN THIS PAPER WE WON'T WORRY. WE DON'T HAVE TO.