davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
The Only AnpenI.

A naughty citizen once strolled into the
supreme court at Washington, when an ar
gument was being heard, and took a seat In
the Enclosure reserved for lawyers. After he
had been there a few minutes an attendant
came over and asked him: Are you a
member of the bare
The naughty person wasn't; but he took
out his card with a flourish and handed it
over.
The attendant received the card gravely,
carried It to the clerk, who glanced at it
and gave some Instructions
A moment later the naughty citizen was
touched on the shoulder and asked to re-
tire.
why" he asked. IL sent up my card,
1t usually gives me a seat in any court in
the land"
Certainly" said the attendant. but
please retire"
The naughty citizen did retire. When he
got out in the corridor he fumed and fused
a bit.
Sir" sdmonished the aged negro at the
door, who has been there for many years
think 1t over. Don't do no persiflagin.
bout that cot. II you should git in con
tempt Of them you ain't got nobody to APP.
peal to but God."-saturday Evening Post
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
Thc nnuRhnut Queen,

Mrs, Tarr of Brunswick, Me, noted as a
good buttermaker, has gained a new fame.
In thirty-two days recently she cooked
more than $500 doughnuts. She also fed
and cared for fifteen children and did the
housework for herself and husband. Her
best recipe is for molasses doughnuts, and
is as follows:
One cupful of sour milk, one-half cup New
Orleans molasses. one even teaspoonful OF
ginger, one tablespoonful of salt, one tea
spoonful of soda, one egg, four cups of
flour and a dash of nutmeg.
THE frying Is the most important" she
says. You must not get the lard too hot,
or the doughnuts will brown on the out
side before they are fully cooked through,
When you a put them in the fat they
will sink to the bottom and the lard must
be hot enough so they will rise quickly to
the top. II you can get the real>o1d New
Orleans molasses it will give a Wonderfully
rich, light color to the doughnuts.''
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
The CIergyman's Complaint,

In a certain town in South Carolina, be-
fore the civil war, there was an old Scotch
Covenanter church, the pulpit Of which
bore a strong resemblance to a flour bar
rel. 1t was fastened to the wall and
reached by a flight Of narrow, winding
stairs.
Among the preachers who occupied the
pulpit at different times was one who was
noted for the vigor and enthusiasm OF his
delivery and the extreme energy OF his
gesticulations.
The congregation had often trembled for
his safety as he stamped and pounded IN
the old pulpit, but no catastrophe occurred
until one day when he bent forward over
the edge, and shaking the unstable struc-
ture, shouted, The righteous shall stand,
but the wicked shall FAM
Before the words were fairly uttered there
was a crash, and the old pulpit and its oc-
cupant came to the floor, together with
much dust.
The minister picked himself up, and wav-
Ing Off the members Of the congregation,
said dryly, Brethren, ] am not injured.
and 1 don't mind the fall much, but I do
hate the connection. YOUTHS Companion.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

noble and nice thing.
Fit for queens and TT for kings;
Here's to the lass and here's to the lover
And may they forever be In Cloverl

Fit for queens and ri for kings;
Here's to the lass and here's to the lover
And may they forever be In cloverI
Charge of Hack writing.
The very latest development in this
poetic rivalry is the insinustion from the
Poetic Justice that the Lyrical Justice
doesn't write his own lyrics, but hires
them made by ELI Cunningham, a lawyer
az the Clayton bar, who has dabbled in
politics and poetry from his boyhood and
recently declared in a public address that
all lawyers are liars and that he Intended
to quit practising and so to preaching.
F. used to be always quoting poetry
when he practised in my court said the
Poetic Justice. why. he could hand out
a line OF lyrical eloquence from Keats,
Lord Byron, Schiller and all those old
timers that made me feel almost cheapi
and ELI also used to make up poems Of his
own. right in the midst OF his talks to the
jury. that sounded beautiful.
NOW, I'm willing to admit that some OF
Ike Campbelrs sonnets beat mine for
points. generally speaking, what you might
call technique, but on sentiment I've got
Ike skinned clear around the court house
| square. Just peruse the sentiment in some
Of my most noted sonnets.
Whats art, anyhow, but a delusion
and a snare? Who's got time for art when
the couples are coming in three pairs
Huh. I'm like old Walt Whitman, who
wrote those irregular sonnets. you know,
L looked over his Leaves of Grass once
and never found two words that rhymed,
, and yet they tell me old Walt had me
down on the mat for poetic reputation.
At to meter l never found any in Walt
Whitman, and l don't bank on IT.
Lyrical Justice Campbell, whose middle
name. Wordsworth. is alleged to have
been altered from William when he be-
came a poet, simply smiled when in
formed that Werremeyer disputed his
authorship OF the poems he gives to brides
He sat down to his foolscap and in less
than four minutes by the court house
clock wrote this, in refutation OF the
Werremeyer insinuation;
II love ye make your household god
And walk your ways with Virtue shod,
Your lives will as sweet as dreams
That sail your craft on silver streams.
Look here, now" said the Lyrica
Justice, "how's that for sentiment? AnC
yet Herm Werremeyer claims he has mn
skinned a square on sentiment!
You just wait. When the marrying
public learns what true poetry is I'll bt
raklng in the two-fifties about ten pc
diem, while Werremeyer will be back hand
ing out beer over his bar on the div
street road. In the long run art Away!
wins
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
ExpIaininy the difference.

Prof. Robert Herrlck of the University OF
Chicago desired to point out to a young
sonneteer the difference between the words
"astonish' and surprise"
Noah Webster" Prof. Herrick said, was
once caught by his wife in the act of press
ing the hand of the pretty cook.
The cook, blushing like a rose, fled at
once to her kitchen. Mrs. Webster said in
a sad, tremulous voice:
why, Noah, I'm surprised
But the philologist, from over his glasses
at his wife, answered reprovingly:
Madam, you have not studied our glori-
Gus language as you should. It's | who am
surprised. You are astonished.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
BiIIyEoat Chases Cop.

Policeman MulholLand of the Fifteenth
and Vine street station, known as the
millionaire cop Of Philadelphia" because
he inherited a fortune believed to approach
that sum some time ago, retreated from a
foe for the first time on record.
Observing a goat grazing on fashionable
Logan quare, he waved his club at the
beast and "shooed" 1t. In reply the goat
waved his whiskers, charged and planted
its horns in a tender section OF Mulhol-
land, who fled for the nearest tree,
Skinned to the owest branches and blew
his whistle for aid.
Fellow officers responded and captured
the goat, which had escaped from a
butchers stable several blocks away.
Mulholland is trying to buy the goat to
get his revenge.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
SALvATIoNS LIMIT FOR SINNER
The Doctrine of Repentance as Ex-
pounded and Applied i'm Per-
sOnaI Casc,

- ia
SOnnI Case.
Charles p. Taft, the presidents brother,
was talking to a Cincinnati reporter the
other day about art fakes.
I'VE all laugh at art fakes" he said.
when it is our neighbor that is taken
in. But when we are taken in ourselves,
then we realize what a heinous business
art taking Is, and we see how necessary
it is for the faker to be punished. In fact
1t is a good deal like the case of Deacon
Broadbent.
Deacon ~Broadbent, a very honest and
pious man, was conducting a Christmas re-
vival with great success. In a word, his
powerful exhortatlons had brought Cal
houn White, the towns worst sinner, weep
ing to the mourner's bench.
THE deacon, gratified by this proof OF
his evangelical proves, FASTENED to Cal
houn's side.
Deacon sobbed Calhoun, 'taint no
use in nah comm up. Use sinned away
de day o. grace
mo, yo' amt, Brudder Cal said the
deacon. III yo' got to do is to glib UP
sin an all will be forgibben.'
Use done glib it up, deacon, but dat
hain't no salvation To- me-
eyes, dey is, hon. Dey hain't no SIN SO
black dat it kin be washed whiter'n de
snow
But done stole 70 young turkeys
last week. said the penitent,
Oats all ~forgibben, CAL
IAN free de week befo'.'
Oats forgibben, too
IAN six fat Christmas geese
"The deacon suddenly frowned and stiff
Tened.
Six fat Christmas geese outer yore
own yard, d~eacon-dem fat geese wot 20
lowed to set so much store by
"'Wots dat you say? the deacon Kissed
furiously,
1T wuz me wot stole yo' Christmai
geese, sah.'
AZ reckon, Calhoun he said, slowly
I reckon Use spoken too hasty. Dis cast
o. yourh needs advisement. l hain't sho
dat we's Justified in clutterin' up de king
dom O. heben wild chicken thieves. st
Louis Globe Democrat.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
ThIrd Rail KiIIs owl.

Cars Of the third rail system running be-
tween Hazleton and Wilkesbarre, Pa, have
struck and killed all kinds of animals and
birds that infest the woods surrounding
the line on NescopGck mountain and which
are generally caught on the tracks in the
dead OF night.
Last week, however, a bird that is sup
posed to ave It's best vision in pitch dark
ness, an owl, fell a victim TO the exception
ally bright headlights with which the bis
coaches are equipped.
The owl became confused, Just as other
members OF the bird and animal families
have been, by the brilliant illumination OF
the tracks as the car hove in sight, The
crew stopped and brought back the owl Ia
have il mounted. 1t was the first owI
killed on the road this way.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
Hunter Breaks Up Fisherman's FuI

How would you like to have a nice big
, fish fairly hooked and be just pulling him
out Of the water and then have some mis-
guided hunter sneak up on the other side
of the creek and shoot your Friday supper
right off the end Of the line?
Well, that's what happened TO Charles
Woodwork, a farmer. near Marysvllle, o,
And Woodworth doesn't tell It himself,
either. The man who did the shooting is
responsible for the story.
A Columbus man who Is a conductor on
the Pennsylvania lines was moseying along
Treacles creek with a gun the other day
seeking whatever he could destroy. Just
as he rounded a bend in the stream he saw
a fish which appeared to be making a
series Of leaps. II appealed to the con-
ductor as a sporting chance for a quick
shot and he took It, The fish flew 70
pieces. but there came a yell Of rage from
behind u bush on the opposite shore, where
Woodwork had been angling.
There was nothing left for the conductor
to do but apologize, but the apology didn't
go far toward appeasing Woodworth's APP
petite for fish.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
Huge EIectTIc Locomotive.

The first Of the electric locomotives to be
used in tine New York tunnel extension Of
the Pennsylvania railroad is a great en-
CINE, twenty-four OF which are now being
built, weighs $4,000 pounds and will de-
velop 400 horse power, which is about
three times as much as a giant steam
locomotive. II is claimed that II could
pull a heavy freight train at a speed OF
from sixty to seventy miles an hour. The
mission Of itself and companions viii be
to haul some 1000 trains In and out Of
New York every day.
The main control apparatus is in a bulk
head centrally located 30 that there are
ample passagoways along the sides. AT
one end Is located the electrically driven
air-compressor for operating the air
brakes.
The controller on the Pennsylvania" type
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
GRETNA GREEN POETS
Marrying Justice of St. Louis Has
Competition.
POEMS GO WITH LIFE PARTNERS
some samples of the sonnets and
Lyrics hat Are Given Free
with Each Marriage
Certificate.

ST. LOUIS, Jan. 1-Melpomene rather
than Erato Is the muse wooed now by
Poetic Justice Werremeyer OF clayton,
county seat OF st. Louis county, for trag-
, ody with a big r has entered his office.
For three years Herman a. Werremeyer
has been the marrying Justice of Clayton,
which Is chief Gretna Green to the city Of
ST. Louis. A ceremony, a certificate and a
sonnet from his hands have been the lure
which has attracted to his office more
than 1900 cooling couples since first he
hung out his sign as the poetic justice.
The trio cost the bridegroom but s25O,
which is the legal fee for ceremony and
certificate Of marriage.
Il throw in the poetry says the poetic
justice.
But now Werremeyer has a rival who
has invaded his territory with threats to
capture his laurels and his lucrative bust
ness. Lyrical Justice Ike Wordsworth
Campbell is his rival.
For six years Ike Campbell has been a
mere justice Of the peace at Clayton, with
an office In a business block, while Werrc-
meyer has maintained his office in the
basement Of the court house close to the
marriage license office. This week Camp
bell moved into the basement, occupying
quarters not fifty feet from Werremeyer.
/, Snd Haunted forth on his windows a sign
eading The Marrying Justice-Poetry
While You Wait"
Campbell Surprises werremeyer.
Heretofore Justice Campbell has con.
fined his business TO ordinary litigation,
catching only an occasional marriage,
while Justice Werremeyer, who has a
negro runner stationed in the marriage
license office, has caught the bulk Of the
knot tying business.
Nobody, and least OF ell Poetic Justice
Werremeyer, suspected that Ike Campbell
also wooed the muses., but now II develops
that he laid In a year ago Ella Wheeler
Wllooxs Poems of Passion" Walkers
"Rhyming Dictionary and several reams
of foolscap wherein he has written nun
dreds of practice pieces. Now he announces
himself as Lyrical Justice Campbell and
enters the lists against the poetic Justice.
IF it's poetry that gets the business"
said the Lyrical Justice, 81 reckon / can
\ deliver the goods, I'm cocksure that I'm
a better poet any hour of the day thar
Herm Werremeyer.
Why, his stuff gets it's feet tangled ur
and falls all over itself. His brand OF
poetry hasn't improved a bit since he used
to tend bar out on the Olive street road.
Look at his r~hymes-they don't iibe
once In three times. Why should the low.
ing pairs, signing for poetry sweets, be
made to accept jlngles that don't jel'
when they are entitled to real art? 1 re.
peat, Why"
He WOOs the MUSES..
The Lyrical Justices announcement Is &C.
companied by the following sample Of his
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

Australian chinehillA or opossum, much
less costly than the real chinehnla, but
very modish and extremely effective. trims
a large number OF the handsome evening
coats and Is considered appropriate for
association with even the richest and most
delicate Of fabrics.
A beautiful model trimmed In his gray
fur was the opal velvet coat OF the sketch.
a changeable velvet shading from milky
white through faint pink and blue and law
ender tones and suggesting the shifting
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

colors OF the opal. Here again is the
draped coat. the sleeves In this case being
cut in one with the body Of the coat, which
is draped up to form the Embroidered cuff.
A muff Of the opal velvet bordered with
the gray fur accompanied the coat, an idea
often repeated in this season Of fur trim
ming.
A vivid rose, or perhaps it should be
described as carnation, in heavy crepe,
with satin finish and velvet broche de-
sign was the material Of another coat
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
snNan q ChiId,a INC.

Antitoxin has saved the life Of little
Fawn Florence, daughter Of c. W. Flor
ence, nc Wabash avenue, Logansport, Ind,
who was almost dead from diphtherla
before a physician was called, and the
chIld's recovery has shattered the theory
held by "a Logansport physicians that
too much Of the serum could be admin
lstered. A total OF 10000 serum units OF
this fluid MAS injected into the child. p
Usually 5000 to 10000 units are considered
a big dose, but as high as 22,OOO units was
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

fur are the trimming from which choice is
usually made for the gold color coat, and
on the whole. the self-color embroidery
with some dark fur. such as skunk. for
relief is perhaps productive Of the happies,
results.
A charming chiffon coat in this colder
tone with fine tracery embroidery Of Jet
and big collar n border OF black fur was
a chic affair and a golden yellow silk mel
embroidered heavily in self-coIor and
trimmed in skunk was another admirable
model.
This gold net was draped in graceful and
complicated fashion. but there are coat
of net and chiffon built on straight lines
A silk net OF lace pattern in white was
used for a charming coat pictured hers.
The net fell over white satin. and heavy
embroidery of silver and crystal fell over
the shoulders like a short stole, while a
narrower band embroidery 10 match Dor.
dered the edges a the coat inside q narrow
bordering band OF hunk.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

The late Bishop Hare Of south Dakota
often In his sermons brought out a point
with an apt story.
These religious and INSCRIPTIONS finsn-
ciers, he said In a winter discourse In
Deadwood. remind me OF a little Phil
adelphis girl / know.
This little girl insisted, at bedtime, on
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
what Every Landlord Knows.

That a man Is a fool who insists upon
clean wall paper and sound plumbing.
That tenants spend all of their time driv-
Ing nails In the walls and scratching the
walnscoting.
he'll sell out everything and invest in gov
eminent bonds.
That IL the tenants knew how hard II
was for him to get along they would be
more watchful of his interests.-Life.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

given this little patient at one time. The
giving of $4,000 units is regarded as re-
markable by the local doctors, and they
declare that there are few cases on record
where this amount has been administered
successfully.
Antitoxin is expensive, but the law pro-
vides that where d family is unable to
pay for the medicine the cost is to be
borne by the city. The saving of the
child's life will cost the taxpayers the
sum Of S226.50
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
PIunderinR EurOpe.

Cairo, in Illinois, is the best known of
toe many United States towns named after
the Egyptian city. There are at least
eighteen of them. Egyptian place names,
for some reason. have appealed strongly
to American town manners. We find eight
cen A~lexandrias; Memphis scores eleven
OF course. might be in honor of the Boeo-
tian Thebes); Nile three, and Egypt itself
seven. Rosetta and Suez score one apiece.
And there is one Khedive, though, curt
ously enough, not a single Pharaoh. Moses,
however, has two lakes, a bayou and a
mountain g~roup.-London Chronicle.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

Is scarcely as large as that on a Hoe print
ing press. None of the main power passes
through it, as it is really a switch cor
responding to a telegrapher's key, oper-
ated by electro-pneumatic means. With a
lever, which can be moved with one fin
ger, the engineer can admit to the loco
motive a current equal to that available
In 100 trolley cars.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

saying her prayers by herself. She was al
lowed to do so. Later her mother asked
her why she had demanded this right Of
private prayer. For a long time the little
girl refused to answer, but finally, after
much coaXing, she said;
81 jes' wanted TO give anks for bein'
lowed to steal some Christmas fruit cake. "
-LouisVil'e Times.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
Pride Of Omaha
"A WINNER.
AT the Corn Show
OMAHA. Neba Dec. IS, 1909

OMAHA. Neb, Dec. IS, 1909.
Mr.. Howard,
Updike Milling Co,
Omaha, Neb.
My Dear Mr.. Howard:
Will you kindly thank the Updike Mill
Ing Co. for me for their extreme courtesy
and kindness during the corn show. The
work with meal, graham and flour turned
out beautifully. In making a request OF
you ] ask for pastry flour. having in
mind the baking OF cakes, pies, etc, but
the PRIDE OF OMAHA" flour that you
sent me served the purpose %splendidly
and wish you could have seen the cakes
that some OF the girls made out OF your
pride OF OMAHA" flour. and without
eggs, They certainly would have been an
inspiration TO any housekeeper who has
anything in mind beyond the thought OF
houseWork as dTudgery.
| shall not soon forget your extreme
courtesy, and II at any tiue | can be or
service TO you hope you will be good
enough 10 NE.
Again thanking you, ( atn,
Very sincerely yours.
MISS JESSICA BESACK.
Director Domestic Science, National Corn
Exposition.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
There Is No Use in Paying
$500 for a Pair of Fine Shoes

when you can get the same shoe for
1895 during the great stock reducing sale
az Chabot's, In the Loyal Hotel Building,
eos North Sixteenth street. See display
ad on page S, Editorial Section.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

trimmed in Austral-
ian opossum, and in
addition to the fur
there was a trim
ming of elaborate,
heavy embroidery in
dull silver.
Cola is one OF the
colors most favored
I'm Paris for evening
coat and
various materials in
this yellow tone are
used by the coat
designers. Self-color
embroidery, embroid-
cry in gold or in gold
and v thread,
metallic laces and
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

ploits as prominently smart. They have
their own ideas Of beauty, these artists,
and refuse to be bullied by Nine. la Mode
This blue and brown coat, like the bro
cade already described. was draped up
slightly at Tia sides. the folds being held
by great cocordes OF brown satin matching
the brown Of the brocade and the fronts
turning deeply back were faced with this
same soft satin, corded and fulled along
the edges, The lining, too, was Of the
brown satin.
Side by side with this lovely model was
displayed another as lovely in its way, and
both, It may be remarked In passing, were
marked down radically in price because Of
the after Christmas slump in the prices Of
winter models. This coat was a symphony
in gray and gold.
The material was a silvery gray satin.
just the gray of the ilghtest shade of chin
chilla. On shoulders, sleeves and down the
sides was a superb, bold embroidery in
dull silver and gold,
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

dull silver and gold,
he silver fairly
melting into the
gray of the satin,
the gold cleaning
softly against the
gray. A collar fall
ing like a flat hood
in the back was Of
chinchilla.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02
Evening Coats Are Charming

} describe the evening coats of
this winter season one should
be a poet OF a French critic
OF tho wholesome OF those
Partisan journalists who, like
all Parisians. cnnsi d II II q
Omaha daily bee., 1910-01-02

The Lyrical Justices announcement Is ac-
companied by the following sample of his
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1910-03-05
THE SPIRIT OF IMPROVEMENT

Work will shortly be begun on the
handsome new passenger station Of the
r.. +. & z. X. X. by Contractor Z. G..
Heflin. and lumber which has hereto
fore been piled ON the site OF the new
depot has been removed TO make way
for the contractor.
The railroad. through the progressive
policy of the present management, is
more than determined To do it's share
in the upbuilding of fredericksburg
and IL is a safe prediction that when
the road shall have completed its pro-
posed improvements, few, il any places
in the State. with the population of
fredericksburg. will be in better shape
50 Tar as railroad facilities are CON
cerned than Fredericksburg. Already
the railroad is manifesting an interest
IN approaches To its property and
through Mr.. w. ID. Duke. il has given
the city several car loads of washed
and filtered gravel. which will be deliv-
cred TO Councilman w. S. Embrey. of
the Street Committee. and will be used
by Councilman Embrey in improving
the streets leading to the tracks of the
railroad near the passenger depot.
The committee appointed by the
Council to take steps looking towards
the Improvement of the Boulevard. and
especially that portion of il between
the new freight depot and the new pas
senger depot of the r., +. 4 p, have
the matter up with Congressman Jones
who. in a letter to the committee.
promises TO use all possible efforts to
secure favorable action from Congress