davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23
THE "CUB" REPORTER IN REALITY

porter it makes us blush right in the
presence of our typewritng machine, II
sure does.
But the city editor in the magazine
story about the cub reporter always is
duck that YOU wouldn't take a million
to one chance of meeting In n dark alley
unless you had on an arsenal and a can
and, Of course, 1t follows naturally and
slibIy that the cub reporter is the victim
OF the citys editors malignant and con
wrath.
Oh, well, YOU know what happens. The
cub reporter is hiked off on story with
ono of the crack men of the paper and
the crack man doesn't pay any attention
to the cub reporter, of course. Instead
of getting on the job of looking up that
orful murder and finding out who done
II the police. you see in the cub re-
porter story. arc always plunged in pro-
found slumberb. why, the crack man
goes off somewhere and becomes i'm
mersed in a game Of dominoes.
While he's at his game of domnoes
the cub reporter hears a truckman out
in the hall of the night pleece room
say something which has a direct bear
ing upon the hid-juS crime that the crack
man of the staff has been sent out to
look up dye make that look up y
and clenching his teet and saying To
himself thinking. too, of the cyril he
met on commencement day at Cornell
or some other great seat of learning1
that nows his opportunity to show those
NUTS on the local staff that he, the
cub, is the conserved fruit and the can
died ginseng why, the cub steals out
into the hall and pin!ons the truck1nan
against a pillar and makes him cough
all what he knows about the turble muir
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

Beatty's company, LIST Regiment of South
Carolina militia, January Is. 1913, and
died on February 81 of the same year.
Notwithstanding his death, the RECORDS
of the War Department show that Su-
neral Dennis was enrolled May 4, 1886,
and mustered into service May rs, 1856.
as a private in Capt. Brodnaxs com
pany Tallahas see Guards, Alabama Vol
unteers. to serve three months. and no
record of him is found later on the mus
ter roll of the company.
Notwithstanding his death in 1915 and
his disappearance in 1886, Sumeral Den
mis- again turns up when another war oc-
CURED. and 1T is shown on the record
that he was enrolled June =. 1S46, at
Mobile, Ala, and was mustered into the
service of the United States on the same
day as captain OF a company or Ala
bama volunteers, war with Mexico. 10
serve six months. He seems to nave
been a pretty lively corpse, and to nave
been promoted for his past service and
experience from private to captain.
After a whole lot of investigation, mix
ed up with an application by Dennis Tor
bounty land on account Of his service,
notwith standing his official death IN three
wars, the tangle was finally Strengthened
out. And it was found that Sumeral
Dennis was born in 1lS4. enlisted IN
the war of 1912 when thirty-one years
old, Joined Capt. BrodnaXs COMPANY IN
the Indian war Of 1886, when n1ty-t"o
years old, and the Mexican war when
HE answered every call OF his coun-
try to arms" says Senator Johnston,
"iived respected by his neighbors and
died a poor man."
Az a result Of tho Strengthening out OF
tho tangle. Sumeral Dennis, dead this
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

from the winter and spring vacations this
year. 1 was there. I had spent several
restless nights trying to dope out some
plan to thwart them. / felt that II l was
to earn enough coin to keep my family
and myself from starving to death I'd
have TO do something to ditch the re-
turned vacationists as soon as they swung
along.
'.And so / adopted the simple yet de-
cidedly effective expedient of playing deaf.
deaf.
LAS soon as one of 'em nd breeze in. his
torso throbbing with pent-up vacationizing
experiences like an automobile filled with
Joy riders standing In front Of a rum
merry, why, I'd look up from my desk
with a vacant sort of smile. The re-
turned vacationtst would plunge into his
mess of gable right away. Of course, and
I'd let him unwind a few hundred words
before I'd point to my ears and shake
my head. and then he'd pull up short.
"'Can't hear a word you're saying. old
hoss,' I'd say to him. Fact is. l can't
hear what I myself am saying now. The
specialists say that there's faint chance
that maybe Til be able to hear again In
side of six months or so, but they're not
very positive about it,
Then, of course. he'd ask me what the
dickens allied my ears. Id hear him
ask but he wouldn't know that I heard.
Then I'd haul out q pencil and pad, and
he'd scrawl on the pad. What happened
to your ears, anyhow?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

time in fact as well as officially will
have his war record corrected.
WASHlNGroN, the National Capital,
'" is show town all the year round.
but it is just about now when the chill
blainS have fitted and the spring sap
has loosened up for a flying start, that
the tourist season really begins. From
now on until the autumnal frost trifes
with the pumpkin and the farmers wife
heralds the approach of winter by stay
ing in bed o mornings until as late as
half-past four every incoming train will
be laden to the bundle racks with hui
man interrogation points.
This has been the case. more or less
every year Of late. Old Gen. Prosperity,
after long period of retirement, sudden
ly decided to quit hiding and to go out
and get acquainted with folks. In oonse-
quence, his visiting list is A good deal
more extensive Just now than il has been
for a long, long time. He had hard
work making himself known in some sec
tons Of the country where his last visit
was such ancient history that it had
been forgotten by the oldest inhabitants,
but the general is u persevering cuss
and finally succeeded in getting on some
sort of footing with almost everybody.
And now the generals acquaintance,
new and renewed, usually turn up at
the National Capital every SO and so
long to look things over, take a squint
at the town from the top of the Wash
ington Monument, roam through the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

somethin' puffcckly dreadful. SO it is.
Men, tense and strained in attitude, are
bending over their yaller copy paper
writing and writing and oh! just writ
ing things with their pencils. and the star
guys at their typewriters are whacklnS
out their tee-rific stories with all their
might, so they are, and the city editor
oh, yes, the city editor. The city editor
in the magazine story of the cub reporter
is man who, really, you know, deserves
nothing better than to be sent to the
electric chair. He's no good whatever,
believe us. He has all of the land and
sea crabs of both hemispheres looking
like microscopic midges. He is the or
ganiZer and charter member of the
Crouch Club
He doesn't talk to or at people, not even
once; he bawls at 'em, bowls at EN-.
shakes his clenched nitts at 'em. while
ominously and his whole being seems to
be suffused with hatred and vitriolic
wrath. He's always vitriolic. He never
stops yitriolizing. And he's got II in for
the cub reporter bigger II q timber VOL.
There's no reason OH earth why he should
have it in for the cub reporter, but the
cub reporter Sitting there at his desk,
fixing his nails and disdainfuly watching
the crack men of the city staff coping
the nifty assignments)-the cub reporter
Tones it ont as matter of course that
the city editors vitriolic attitude toward
h.nn Is due to nothing else In this life
'ceptin jealousy. the city editor being
afraid Of course, that the cub reporter
will be nudging in presently and snagging
his job.
Now, it's funny, honest. that we never
happened to cut the trail of any city
editors like that, and, dio milo. we've
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

heard of the nutmegs and the pepper.
All bets were off. The good people of
Ohio were up against it.
Listen to this: Until he was fourteen.
young Grosvenor had never seen even
the outside of a schoohouse. He didn't
know a split infintive from a Scotch
highball. But not for minute was he
handicapped. A schoolhouse of rough
hewn logs was finally thrown together
and Little Grove became one of the
scholars. For seven long weeks he sat
at the feet of an imported pedagogue.
Learning drifted into his system through
every pore. He soaked up education II ,e
a gross of blotters. He absorbed in for
nation like n high-grade Florida sponge.
For seven long weeks did this process go
on And then Grove became the teacher
incidentally, he has been teaching ever
since.
Old Grove-to trif1e some more with the
past tense-was a great debater when he
was in the House. Many and many Tune
he has risen in his place and with VINE
gar and gall, with NORWOOD and aloes.
embalmed an opponent and laid him away
to rest The opponent might not agree
with this diagnosis, but that made 10
difference to Grove He did the job the
best lie knew how and If the opponent
didn't stay embalme it was no fault OF
Groves. Sometimes it used to happen,
even. that the embalmed one rose to re-
ply He was loaded for Grove and his
aim was good The only trouble was
been called out of the chamber on i'm
portant business. He was forced to leave
in order that he might serve the country
or a constituent. And after the en-
balmed one had decided that 1t WASH
much fun peppering an empty seat, ana
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

various departments and show buildings
and return home to add more souvenirs
to the collection on the "what-not' and
to chew the cud Of pleasant memories
until the family bank roll in the parental
sock toe grows big enough to warrant
another journey.
Attention ladies and gentlemen. We
will now La Toilette our hair and sing
that popular ballad entitled We Don't
Believe He Meant 1t. but These Words
We Heard Him Say"
A LBERT SIDNEY BuRLESON. whs
n represents the tenth Texas district.
who looks like Robert Burns and lives a.
the Cosmos Club hobhled into the House
the other day leaning on A silver-handled
umbrella. He favored his left foot
whole lot and grunted with relief when
he had reached his seat aud lowered
himself into it.
"S'matter, Albert" asked friend.
Mr. Bureson looked around to see II
there was any one within hearing. then
pulled the friends head down and whis-
pered this into his ear
''Gout. Yep, I've got the govt. Thing
hurts fierce. Rig toe all swelled up. Show
it to you some time Yep. they say II
comes from high living. But for heavens
sake don't let any of those blamed news
paper men hear about this or they'll ruin
me in my district
Albert is still hobbling around.
IRVING G.. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

had sat down, Old Grove, faithful Grove,
patient Grove. would return.
Well, this hasn't been time lost. 1t is
a recreation and a relaxation, now and
then, to turn from the contemplation of
dead ones in Congress to live ones who
have been retired to private life.
Albert Douglass succeeded Mr.. Gros-
venor. Not long after his election he
was in an orchestra chair at the Metro
politan Opera House. in New York. lis
tening to some golden tunes, when a
pair Of pearl handled opera glasses fell
from the third balcony and landed on
the top OF his head All who saw the
accident were Mortified.
Mr.. Douglass was intensely indignant.
He complained bitterly to the opera
house management about their careless
ness in permitting people in the third
balcony to eat peanuts and drop the
shells on folks below them.
no YOU remember that in some of
- Bill Nye's foolishness he tells of
some odd signs he saw i'm q little one
horse town way out yonder toward the
sale. he says, Chocolate caramels and
tar roofing 1 had always been under
the impression that William the Genial
painted that sign with his own brain
brush. But know better now. He
told the truth and, II anything, under
stated it.
Here's how I saw the light. I had an
argument with a newspaper friend a
month or 90 ago about odd things, in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

There are great many winter and
spring vacationists In this town, and,
unfortunately, l am on speaking terms
with a large number of them Most of
the returned winter and spring vaca-
tionists of my acquaintance for a num-
Der of years past have had the habit OF
dropping into my office to tell me all
about their bedinged tours. My Office is
ON the ground floor of the building. and
it is right across the street from one Of
our leading groggeries. The returned win
ter and spring vacationists would hoist
in three or four tongue-releasers or gab-
testers and then, made artiflcially chin
full. they'd nudge across the street and
zephyr into my office and sit on the edge
of my desk generally at a time when l
was up to my neck in some business
problem and begin to poke their touring
experiences at me, while l inwardly
shrieked murder and wished that they
were in southwestern Patagonia search
ing for specimens of the giant mussel for
the Smithsonian Institution.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

q throbbins toothache one CONSIDERS
(naybc) that 1t is better to fight the WIND
than to remain at home AID light one
family.
The Boardwalk. because of the hish
wind was scant of stroliers. But, leah-
ing enioyably against the galvanized ran
of the Boardwalk. and looking out at the
pathetic wreck of the yacht The Mist
was a man wearing rusty-seamed black
store clothes, a strap-eneircled black SOM
brero. "butes' with the dim glaze of stove
polish, and he had knobby. freckled
hands with black nail tips, and an I'M
shorn sandy yisage. The wind, besides
being high was keen and eager: yet
when / came upon him he was holding
his sombrero in his hands, and permitting
the borean blasts to fiatten his sandy
locks against his skull
Right peart little zephyrs. hain't
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

all right, but there wa'ant airy more wool
on airy one Of 'em than there is on a
gourd. The wind it jes' ker-whooped
through them open-work cars and blew
the wool off'n every last one o. them
sheep as clean as if they'd been shaved
three days under the pelt by a barber
Now, the green cloud that done all O.
this meanness was on'y bout five
eighths of mile wide, and 1t never so
much as teched the town where ! live.
ies' grain the outskirts. But. jes to
show you how powerful the wind was
on the outskirts, my brother-in- law,
Jim Snee, was cleanin' out his we'll
Jim's we'll is two hunnered and forty
two foot deep from the surface to
water-when the aidge Of the green
wind-cloud come along past where he
was workin' cleanin' out the well.
We'll, sir, the wind jes' sucked Jim
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

his old seat, looked up in the galleries.
combed out the lace curtains that
adorned his chip and wen: out again
And lie never caused a ripple on the
surface Of the proceedings
Of course. every now and then an
anemic rumor drifts thitherward from
the great state of Ohio. containing the
germ of the idea that Old Figures is
about to buckle on his armor strike
his shield and go on the warpath. But
II is just A rumor. I fear me that Old
Grove is down and out-political1y.
Bu. I would not have him forgotten.
Drifting back down the dusty aisles
OF time find that Mr.. Grosvenor
was horn in Connecticut, which is also
the birthplace of wooden nutmegs and
artificial pepper But at the age of five
he was transported to Ohio by his God
fearing parents in order that he might
grow up to the ideals of the new land:
But 1t was too late. Little Grove had
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

couple of closely printed newspaper pages
about the things he did and saw while on
that little excursion down to Bermuda.
Then he'd amble out, looking for
ahead with my work I can conscien-
tiously recommend this plan, because I've
given it trial, and already it has saved
me many a tortured hour
A resident of Richmond offers his sug-
gestion in the following terms:
II josh 'em. They're not all wholly
devoid of sense of humor, and all of
'em are susceptible to the kind Of f1attery
that goes by implication. Well. l utilize
these two points of knowledge. I don't
try to run away from them or to switch
them to some other subject, or anything
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

soft for you, that's all I've got to say
Tush-tush, now, 1 know what you think
you're going to do. You think you're go
ing to weave me the big long yarn about
what a sockdolager Of time you had.
Well, you amt. You amt. not none and
that's all there is to it. It's bad enough
to have you come rollcking along with
one of those riding-on-the-b ig-bo faces
of yours on you. but I'm not going to let
you rub it in by telling me all about it.
Not much. No. stree. Anyhow. anybody
can see that you had the cutest little time,
for you've got saucers under your lamps
like somebody just getting over typhoid
fever and a lot like that
THE oil wins every time, and that's
what l hand EN-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23
General Knox's Carriage.
rom the Kennebec Journal

EfOHi the AtuueOec JOurudl
Frank B. Hills, first selectman Of
Thomaston. hitched up in front OF the
Rockland post Office day or two ago
with ''pedigreed carriage"-the one in
which Washingtons first Secretary Of
War used to ride. The carriage was built
in Boston 100 years ago and was the pri-
vate carriage of Maj. Gen. Henry Knox,
Secretary under the first President. and
not only is 1T one Of the most historic
vehicles in the United States. but 1t is
also probably the oldest able-bodied pri-
vate carriage in existence on the CONT
nent. In spite of it's 100 years, quaint
substantial vehicle it is. Gen. Knox no
doubt had it made, just as history tells 1t.
in Boston, for there were no carriage
builders in Thomaston in those early
days, and as Gen. Knox operated packet
line of small sailing vessels between Ros-
ton and Thomaston. it would have been
easy for him to have the carriage brought
to Thomaston.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23
Women's Progress in England.
rom the New York Pres!

From the New York Press
The judge at Marylebone says great
change is taking place day by day in the
sexes in his country. 1T used to be-. said
the judge, almost unheard of for man
to complain of being beaten up by a
woman. But nowadays women are be-
coming so independent SO aggressive and
SO anxious to protect themselves that 1t is
quite a common thing for men to come to
court and complain of being assaulted by
women, and very soon one will be able to
say in England with truth that of the
two sexes the weaker is the man, not the
woman In the case under trial Mrs.
Taylor had trounced Mr.. Lowell until
he could scarcely walk, and then she tore
his coat away from him, took it to her
fat and hung it up on her bedpost as a
scalp" The judge turned Mr.. Lowell
over to doctor and fined Mrs. Taylor 81
and costs.
Mrs. Mallard-So poor Mr.. BOOSTERS
dead?
Mr.. Cochin-Yes. he was killed in
brOil.-Yale Record.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

E have received sew
eral letters in re-
gard to our recent
musings as to ways
and means to flag
the returned win
ter and spring va
cationists who insist
upon telling every
body they know,
and lots they don't
know, all about it.
A Baltimore man
writes as follows.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23
Acres and Bible Letters.
From Notes and Queries.

From Notes and Queries
1t has sometimes been stated that there
are more acres in Yorkshire than there
are letters in the Bible. A person hear
ing the statement for the first time 10
inclined to doubt it. but it is true all the
same. Authorities differ as to the exact
acreage OF the county, one giving II as
$3.50. S4S and another as 3.771, S43 But
the number of letters in the Bible In
said to be 1865. $50, so the acres beat the
letters, with something to spare.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

Then I'd go ahead and tell him how
the gasoline tanks OF a motor boat I was
hunting reedbirds or something in had
exploded. and how the crash had tempo
rarily paralyzed the drums of both my
ears, and so on. This would cause him
to look disappointed. 1t wasn't because
he felt sorry for me. but because he
found himself tagged from telling me a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

of that kind, for my experience is that If
you attempt these methods they're sure
to get you sooner or later. So, as say,
1 just josh EN-.
when one of them comes bounding to-
ward me with his cruise-to- Jamaica face
and his throbbing torso I promptly hand
him the tut-tut by saying to him:
Well, it's pretty soft for you. you big
lummox, to be hiking up and down the
world at this season of the year. looking
'em over with that pair of binoculars of
yours. while the rest Of us poor dubs
have to stick around and hug the old job
trying to cop out a dollar or two. Poorly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

RO s + F. RO1 :,
whooping z, almost
deriSiye wind swept
the Atlantic City
Boa r q walk fore
and aft on Satur-
day last. That
being the case. !
walked OH the
boardwalk. Twas
something worth
fighting, that wind,
and when one has
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

der, and then, with the truckman's clue.
the cub beats it to point out III the
suburbs about nine miles from the Of
flee, where he finds dying man, all
shot full of holes. lying in bed and
then the cub reporter adjures the dying
one, by all he holds sacred, to nudge
across with the story of who done 1t. and
then the cub, with the story all In his
mitt, beats it down to the Office, doing
a marathon because the cars have stop
ped running for the night. and he finds
the night city editor and one or two
sleepy copy readers playing pinochle. and
they don't even look at him as he comes
in with his gigantic scoop on the uni
verse, but he doesn't mind that. bless
We, but sits right down at his machine.
and then the night city editor walks
over and asks him what he's got and
picks up the first typewriter sheet the
cub has reeled off and then the night
city editor gives start and says. MY
Gawd. man, where did you get this
city editor shouts down a whistling tube
to the foreman of the composing room
that the paper is to be held until the
cub uncoils the rest of his mammoth
story, and
oh. well, that's about all. The city edi-
tor with the biting-arms- off habit comes
down to the office on the following morn
ing, all grins, and he slips the cub a pat
on the back and says Not so bad son.
in a non-conlmittal tone, and all of the
cracks of the city staff are insanely
jealous. as may be seen by the expression
in their wicks. and the fat managing
editor waddles out of his room after u
while with copy of the paper in his
hand, and seZzee he to the cub, M boy,
you" and SO forth and so forth.
Where do the magaZinists who pull the
cub reporter frances get II? Was any Of
the magaZinists who do cub reporter sto-
ries ever a cub reporter? 1t can't be. It
is impossible. Because when We reflect
upon what we ourselves We're as q cub
reporter and what every cub reporter
that we ever met between the two seas
and, yes. beyond some of the seas
was. why, We instantly have a picture
of impenetrable obtusity, ineradicabe
opacity, unquenchable swelledne. L.
pendous uselessness, and
However,
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

ELL. right now il
about as good a.
time as any for a
little lung-to-lung
on V e r s ationing
anent and with ref
erence to the cub
reporter.
The III a & a z | n .
brand Of cub re-
porter, We mean.
Lately rig h t
along, in fact. for a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-04-23

UST because Gen.
Charles II. Gros-
venor is no longer
a member of the
House of Repre-
sentativeS consti-
tuteS no reason in
the world why he
should be forgot
ten. The other
day he roarned in
on the floor Of the
her sat in