The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-05-01
Lice Talks With Dedd) Ones
by IRWIN s. COBB

sons remaining for the concert were
permitted to sit in the reserved seat
section and see the animals fed raw
meat and early martyrs.
WHY what with the regular ma
inees and the benefits for retired
tors and the Sunday concerts I rare
ly had a day off that l could call my
own Taking my trusty chopper in
hand and putting a dent in the top
of a new-caught Thracian that made
him look like a Parker House roll was
the easiest thing | did, and pretty near
the eommonest.
How very differently the thing is
managed at the present time" con-
tinued Spartacus musingly. FIRST.
there are the articles to be drawn up.
proceeding which is in the nature
of rites and ceremonials and usually
takes several months. Then the OPP
posing gladiators meet to sign the pa
pers and call each other hard names.
Then the vaudeville dates must be suit
ably arranged. Then the colored half
of the sketch tours around in his rae
ing car from courthouse to courthouse
wearing a glassbiower's exhibit caught
negligently in his scarf and pair or
tan gloves that gave him the appear
ance of carrying a double portion of
friend bananas in each hand to an
swer such indictments, criminal
charges and libel suns as may have
accumulated against him. Then at about
the beginning of the second year the
two rival battlers go into active train
ing each accompanied by dense mass
of trainers, rub bers-professional RIB
bers and amateur rubbers-manager
special interviewers, war correspond
ents, staff ootgraphers, process SER
vers, alimony collectors and fight bugs
and in due course of time if notli-
ing happens and they can both agree
on a retaree named Homes John Some-
body, and If they can find timekeep-
ers agreeable to both sides, if indeed
any such there be, and If nobody sells
out why. eventually they meet@in the
ring and exchange blows, providing the
weather is suitable for the moving pic
lures. | shudder to think how the
h opes of the public might be dashed
II 1t rained too hard for the picture
people to get good films. In our day
we didn't whet the popular expec-
fancy with such delays; we whetted it
with a battle right there in the spot.
gather also that choosing a person
for the President of the United States
doesn't compare in Importance with
getting the right referee. The only
referee we had was the official I'M
dertaker and the pallbearers held the
watch.
My crowd of fighters never had to
go into training for a bout because
they were in training all the time.
Any time one of our bunch of handy
athletes got out of condition he did
an Involuntary sword swallowing act
and became an object of interest to the
coroner. And tn ere We're no promoters
selling admission to our quarters and
peddling out the press stuff and shoot
ing away the Independent photogra-
piers and corralling the easy advance
money generally. In fact, the sport
ing institution is known as the Sam
Burger was totally unknown among
us. Any proud young Roman patrician
with sporting blood in his veins was
at perfect liberty to stroll through the
gladiators quarters and feed peanuts
through the bars to the Ethiopian in
the happy family cage so long as he
didn't undertake to stir UP the other
inmates with the ferrule of his UNI
brella. Family parties were often made
up by parents who had the same de-
sire then that is still common among
mothers and fathers to take their ten
der offspring into places where there's
a chance of somebody being badly
chewed up. You may have noticed
yourself in visiting menageries that
the largest number of very young chill
dren is sure to be clustered in front
OF a gilded den containing the man
eating tiger, especially If the manage
ment has had the foresight to ad-
vertise that there's danger of the tiger
breaking out almost any moment. HUI
man nature doesn't change much. Twas
much the same in 7S B. C. or there
abouts.
But I met my finish finally, as most
worlds champions do" continued Spar
tacus half sadly. IT remember like
it was yesterday the day when I took
my crowd off the reservation and pro-
ceeded to put imperial Rome and en-
virons on the ancient italian Fritz. It
was a glorious summer and for awhile,
we lived in clover-and clover that was
fortified with the best of old Roman
families as that. The senate sent
Claudius out first to check us. You
can guess what would happen to n
party named Claude under such cir
cumstances? Well, it happened. We.
stood him and his troops on their
naughty Eastwood domes and went
through them like a joy ride through
a milk wagon. We next met Publius
Varinus and army on the slopes of
Mount Vesuvius and shortly thereafter
we might have been observed feeding
pubby to the volcano. And then after
suitable interval we ran up against
c. Claudius Pulcher, the first person
in history to wear his name parted
in the middle and combed down over
the ears. Nothing occurred to him ex-
cept that would be coming to a gen
eral who'd take that kind of a chance
We sent him home to the bereaved
Mrs. C. C. Pulcher in a crock, if
remember rightly. But finally along
came one Crassus and, alas, Crassus
put me away permanently in the be-
ginning of the second round"
What was your trouble ?" I asked as
1 arose to go.
over confidence" said Spartacus. 81
never had been licked you know. and
I didn't hardly see how it was pos
sible.
"You might just add this much for
Jeffries' benefit" he concluded. "Cras-
sus was pronounced brunette with q
long reach. And when history repeats
herself she ofetn does so in a very pain
full manner"
In Spite of Tommy
for