The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-02-24
TELEPHONE ON A TEAR.
JaiIer Hopkins Says One at Station
Was Intoxicated.

No drunk man ever caused as
much trouble for a jaiIer and furnish
ed as much fun for the rest of the
officers whose duties keep them about
the police station as did the telephone
today Al Hopkins. the jailer, swore
the thing was drunk. But Al has the
grip. He also swore that a lot of peo-
pie who talked to him were drunk.
Joe Ross. sergeant, who also has the
grip, didn't think the phone was drunk,
but that it had been 'jinksed." This,
translated into the Kansas language,
means hoodooed.
The wires must have been crossed
somewhere, and judging by the num-
Der of mistakes made they must have
been double crossed. IT began in early
morning and lasted until noon.
Shortly after Hopkins reported for
duty the bell rang and Hopkins yelled
Hello into the transmitter. Then he
paused.
mo, we won't have any room for
you today with a bath. We've got a
room down here and when you need a
bath Wen give it to you. This is the
city prison"
Hopkins turned away from the tele-
phone and wiped the perspiration from
his brow, blew his nose, coughed, spat,
washed and dried his hands and sat
down.
.'Take this for the Throop hotel"
he finally sail; "our number is As and
their number %. We get lots
Hello" he yelled, turning to the tele-
phone again.
What is it? Say, who-wait a min
ute-wait-but say-SAY, you ivory
head, this ain feed store. This is
the city jail. We don't sell hay nor
bran, nor shorts, nor corn, nor condi-
ton powders. We don't sell anything
| down here that you want-get off the
=,
receiver.
That's the worst yet wheezed
Hopkins. HE thought it was a feed
store" and then he coughed, spat, ETC.,
| ETC.. some more Now sometimes we
get some foolish calls and we have to
answer a lot of nonsensical questions.
But none of them were ever as bad as
this
And SO the morning went on. 1t
seemed that nearly every one who call
| instead and by 10 o'clock Hopkins
face was flushed to a bright red and
his eyes cleaned a wicked CLEAN. A
party of missionary ladies from the
residence district wanting to see the
poor dear things in the jail would not
| have put on a great deal of weight had
they happened along just then.
A little after 10 o'clock the tele-
phone rang and Hopkins purred into it.
NO." he answered after pause,
"this isn't the furniture store. This is
the sanitarium - what = sanitarium,
don't you understand? Sanitarium,
and he spelled it out. 1--WE don't have
anything here but the grip. We don't
want anything else but to be let alone"
1t was plain that Hopkins was about
"al1 i'm His patience was slipping
and he couldn't sand the track Just
before time for him to go to lunch the
telephone rang again and with
martyred look upon his face Hopkins
yelled into the thing.
NO." he said in a moment, ct won't
send out any nice steak for dinner. 1
don't care If your husband has any
dinner or not. This isn't slaughter
| house; it's a school for young ladies,
preparatory college, a meeting of the
streets and walks comnittee''- Hop
kins paused for breath. ''What?" he
asked a moment later.
| And then il icy tones that could be
heard in every part of the room these
words ooZed over the wire:
| ct believe I have the asylum. Par
don me. I was calling the butcher
shop
And Hopkins put on his hat and
overcoat and left for his MONDAY meal