Los Angeles herald., 1910-05-14
Mere Men

4 MOTHER death has been added to
IN the automobile casualty list.
IA Michael O'Rourke, aged 81,
thought over the automobile question
seriously and decided that the time is
drawing near when the horse will be
down and out, likewise the eoachman.
He was a coachman, so he had 1t iig-
ured that he was soon to be among
the down and outs Not wishing 10 pc
so catalogued he concluded that ne
would rather be dead. lie hanged MN
self TO a >rafter in the barn of George
Howe, East Orange, N, J. He might
have become a chauffeur but II is
probable that he thought he could not
endure the humiliation.
A fashionable painter, noted for his
prolific output, was discussing at a
studio in New York a recent Scdiludl
in the picture trade.
Look here old man." said G. Innis
Kerr, the etcher, "do you paint all your
own pictures?"
II do" the other answered hotly,
land with my own hands too"
And what do you pay your hands
Mr. Kerr inquired. I'm thinking OF
starting an art factory myself"
Professor Hugh w. Ransom of Har-
ward has been working as a laborer IN
the Cambridge subway in order 10
compile certain statistics at first hand'
ITO do our work WELL" said Professor
Ransom. 1--WE must use enterprise. We
must ignore the minor conventions
But we mustn't go as far as
"But listen:
"A Boston doctor sat in a front seat
in fremont theater the other night:
In the breathless silence, as the thlrd
act reached it's climax, there was a
commotion near the door, and then a
grave voice said:
rs DR.. Blank in the audience"
"Dr. Blank rose calmly. He passed
down the aisle with the serious, self
contained air of one on whom the life
of a fellow creature depends. A young
man awaited him at the door.
"'Well.' said the doctor, well, sir
what is it?'
Doctor said the young man, as
he drew a large wallet from his vest
pocket, I'm So-and-So's new collector.
Would it be convenient for you to
settle that small account this even
ing?"
| Francis Wilson, at the Players club
in New York, lamented the heavy
| losses that a brother actor had sus-
tained in Wall street.
TOO bad!" said Wilson. Poor Bet
! terton! Why, the Wall street men are
all laughing at him.
"a couple Of Wall street men were
| golfing the other day on Long Island.
They decided to name the holes on
the course.
land what shall we call the first
hole?' asked the older man.
"'Call it Jack Betterton,' the other
replied, chuckling.
"'Why call 1t thatT
"'Oh. because, was the reply, it's
so easy to do"
when John Barrett pulled off his
great stunt the dedication of the
new building of the bureau of Amer1-
can republics, among other things he
had tree planted by President Taft
in the patio. Everybody wanted to see
the president plant the tree, and there
was a stretching of necks and stand
| ing on tiptoe to see the performance.
| 'You NAV know" remarked former
| Governor Magoon of Cuba TO circle
of friends, "that they have very ap-
propriately selected rubber tree for
| this occasion" Those who heard him
stopped rubbering.
In the humorous speech that Senator
| Stone made regarding the investiga-
! ton of the cost of living, he called
attention to Senator Keans committee
Lodge resolution. Kean is chairman
of the committee on auditing and con-
| troll of the contingent expenses of the
senate, and exercises wide influence
because nearly every senator wishes
| to get something from the committee.
! Senator Stone remarked that the com
| mittee had never been called in SeS-
sion. 1.-THE senator from Missouri does
an injustice to the chairman of the
committee" intertected Senator Clapp
of Minnesota. "It is understood that
| this is the one committee of the sem
ate that is always in session during
| the waking hours of the chairman"
| And. that pretty nearly states the
case, for Kean meets with himself and
reports or refuses to report, accord
ing to the will OF the managers of the
| senate.
Samuel McRoberts, now vice presi-
dent of the National City bank in Wall
street, was standing with fellow stu
dent, John Ellsworth, at the Ann Arbor
railroad station at the end of the term
during one of his last years at the
University of Michigan. McRoberts
noticed that an old man at the end of
the platform was crying as if his heart
would break. He moved toward the
ancient man, intent upon Offering con-
dolence.
'I beg your pardon" said McRoberts
'but may I inquire what is wrong?"
"Yes." said the old man. checking
his sobs, 81 just got word that my
father had died over in the next county
and now I'm an orphan"
"Why, how old are Xou?" asked Nc
Roberts.
"Seventy-two," and the feeble old
man broke out afresh with his lamen-
! tations.
"Well SIR" said McRoberts, ST think
| that YOU have one consolation. 1 don't
doubt that you are one of the Oldest
orphans in this country That ought
to mean something to you in your
sorrow"