Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
HUMOROF THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
The Absentminded Professor Was a
Prolific Source of Merrinent to the
testers of Those Days-The Source
of Many Modern Jokes.


of Mary Modern Jokes.
The ;EHE.H that there Is nothing
new undo. he sun applies, it would
seem, uir'' truly to jokes ana witt
cismS t1..l 80 anything else. The chief
diGiCren, 80. uv5wecn the jests of one
gencral,.: SD that of another lie
pra2ti,a,.' tie same. Nevertheless 1t
IS iutt". ,a:.y II cXhume some of these
ancient irlrS and to recognize in them
the am,r~t - uf the things at which
we iaU5I ,,,.aJ III the pages OF our
humorous r!hIications.
Some ii.lrruus writer's dearly love
to make fun of the absentminded, un-
practical university professor, who
outside Of his own subject let's his
wits wander and is very slow to grasp
anything in ordinary life. Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
by the students and graduates of the
great universities in ancient Greece,
for 1t Is mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown to the ancients.
AS a matter of fact, the student at
the University Of Athens or at the
University OF Alexandria was very
much the same sort of mortal as is
the student today, and his professors
were not so very different.
witty Greek named Hierocles, a
graduate of Alexandria, collected some
time in the fifth century volume of
jests which were current among the
students With regard to the woolgath-
ering type of professor. A number of
them are translated here as being of
considerable interest In the history of
humor and especially of college hui
NOR:
professor, wishing to swim. was
nearly drowned, whereupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim
OF twin brothers, one died. A pro-
fessor thereupon, meeting the sur
vivor, asked, as 1t you that died or
your brother?"
a professor, learning that raven
would live for more than 200 years,
bought one to test the matter.
professor, wishing to cross a river,
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered lnat he wanted to get over
in Il hurry.
professor. looking out OF the Win
dow of house which he had bought,
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him.
a professor meeting another pro-
fessor, said, II heard you were dead"
"And yet" replied the other, you see
that I am still alive" We'll" said
the first in perplexity, II don't know
what to believe. for the man who told
me about it is much more truthful
man than you"'
A professor. in danger of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that he
might make his will Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate, he
said. "Do not grieve, for am going to
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he had
trodden on n nail and that the wound
panied him. On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor, having
learned the cause, remarked, at served
you right. for why do you sleep with
out sandals"
\ professor. meeting a doctor. hid
himself behind a wall Some one ask
ing the cause, he answered, Il have
not been sick for so long a time l am
ashamed to come into the sight of a
physician"
a professor, wishing to teach his
horse to be small eater, gave him no
food at all. At length, the horse hav-
ing starved to death, the professor ex-
claimed. Il have suffered great loss,
for just as he had learned not to eat he
diedw
a professor, visiting a sick person,
inquired about his health. The invalid,
however. was not able to reply. There
upon the professor, being angry and
scolding the man. said. II hope that
Shall be sick some of these days. and
then when you come TO ask how l am
l will not answer"
A professor sealed up n vessel of
wine which he had bought His serv-
ant having made a hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn off some of the
wine. the professor was astonished to
see the contents diminished while the
seals remained unbroken. a neighbor
having told him to look whether 1t had
not been taken out from below he re-
piled. "Why, you fool, it's the upper
part of the wine and not the lower
that is missing"
A professor, a bald man and bar
Der travelling together agreed to keep
watch in turn four hours, each while
the others slept. The barber's turn
came first He quietly shared the
head of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him.
The latter, scratching his head as he
got up and finding it bare, cried out;
"What a rascal that barber is! He's
walked the bald man instead of me"'-