The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-11-13
AN ANAN|AS
 FROM INDIANA
Hoosier Liar Could Not Accom-
 modate Stranger
AT SATURDAY DINNER
But He Hands the Contractor a Live One Fresh From the Basket With some Ruffies
 on It
rom the St. Louis Globe-Demoerat.

From the St. Louis Globe Democrat. While I was on my last trip, down in southern Illinois," Briggs chanced to re- mark during the interval between salad and dessert, T ran into the queerest cus- toner. It was in a little town away back from the railroad, and I pretty near made up my mind that it was the for-sure Egypt of the Nile before I got away from him. What that old codger didn't know about ancient history and religion and philosophy would make a mighty small volume. Never had as hard customer to get away from. I'd sold him seven cases of shoes and"-
 Speaking Of liars" Brown broke in, with seeming irrelevanoe, whereat the other members of the Saturday Dinner club sat up and took notice. It was Mrs. Briggs who dropped into the breach with
 Horace neglected to say that this man has the buying for big plant that em- ploys several hundred men with families. He doesn't just run little one-horse country store"
 ~ ou don't think he was giving me the signal to upset the table on his head, do you. Vera?' her husband asked, trifie tartly.
 The other peacemakers in the club as- sured him that Brown had merely been unfortunate in the selection of his remark and that to a rudimentary intelligence such as Browns all ancient history was mass of fabrication. So the ruffled wa ters were oiled and the storm passed by. Dull quiet reigned at the table until Nesselrode pudding arrived and then it was Johnson who calculated:
 Anyhow, speaking of liars, I've got a box of cigars out at the house that in- tended to tote down here with me to- night Bring em next Saturday night surel Got 'em from feller that couldn f tell as straight yarn as he thought he could. And you just better bet I held him up for good ones."
 Were you the only one in on itqr Brown wanted to know.
 'Yep.'
 HHuh, that's nothing. The chap I start ed to tell about when all this rucus be- gan"
 He hesitated, and then the club knew that Brown was a wee bit sore With exquisite. tact Mrs. Briggs urged:
 Do tell us about him. I once made a study of lies and liars, and I'd like to have your experience to add to the col lection"
 The joke wasn't on the spinner of warns, but on the other chap" Brown re- joined, apparently much notified Tt was over in Indiana and before l struck town began to hear about Lem Brown Sort O got under my hide, because that was my grandfather's name, and I made pretty sure that chap was some kin to me. All my folks on my dads side were Hoosiers originally. and you don't pick the name Lemuel off of every family tree Well, the more heard about this name- sake of my grandfather the more wanted to know if all the country was Twin agin him, or if he really was such an artist at it they made out. Now you know, in the wholesale drug business we have to go after the contractors a bit, and I'd been talking to an Evansville builder about one of my side lines when something I said put him in mind of this same Lem Brown, and he reeled off @ string O yarns a mile long that Lem d worked off on one man or another in town. Said he never would bite because he knew Lem too well, but the fellow sure was a daisy if you could judge by the stuff he poked down the other peo- ple's threats.
 This contractor put me next to a good stroke of business in formalde- hyde and the rest of the truck that's used in fumigating. He happened to be putting up a hig house and barn about four miles out in the country for a doc tor who ran big hospital in town, and the doctor was out at his country place that day. He'd always bought all his supplies in Chicago, and I happened to know I could give him tempting price on the very thing he needed right then and maybe get his whole trade for my house, so I didn't want to miss seeing him. was just trying to. figure but how I'd work it when the contractor said: 'Spose you come on and ride out with me. l have to go out this after noon to look after the workmen and you can see the old doc where you won't has any Interruptions Well, that | looked pretty good to me, so along I goes. Never had finer drive in my life-that is, the first half of 1t. Wed | got about two miles out from town when we saw somebody coming toward us at lively trot and the contractor | says; Bless my soul, if there ain't Lem Brown himself.' As we came together, the contractor calls out to him: Say, Lem, this here's a namesake of yours, and he's been hearing about the whop- pers you tell, and he wants sample. Can't you spin one for him right hot | often the bat?'"
 ''I didn't know they used bat in spin | hing" Miss Simmons interrupted. She has an antipathy to mixed metaphors That's all right, Agatha" Brown soothed you see, you don't know either | baseball or hrickaying. There's spinning in both professions, and I reckon this forty-second cousin O mine went in for both or em. My friend hadn't any more'n got out of his mouth what he wanted when Lem says, Sorry can't &C., ccmmodate you right now; but I really | haint time to spare You know that's S the way the backwoods hoosiers talk. He goes on, If you bring your friend around to Marsden's drug store tonight I'll dc mysbest to entertain him. Just now I'm i on the dead run to git to town. The boy that was shinglin' the barn out at Doc i Claytons fell off and broke his leg and Doc sent me in town fur to fetch spints and bandages and another doctor to helI l him set the bone
 l About that time the contractor let out string of cussin' that you could hear | half a mile and whipped up his horse and away he went down the road. I asked him what made him go off in such a rush l and he said Why, man alive, that's my boy. And that ain't the worst of 1t. His mother made me promise I wouldn't set him to shinglin' that barn. She's always afraid he'll fall and break his neck and this morning I promised her faithful