davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
A Fire Chief. Maybe.

One day a sympathetic old German
gentleman was leisurely strolling past
one of the city fire houses, when he
was moved by tears of the captain.
Stopping to offer consolation, he said:
Say, for what you grief?"
"Oh," replied the captain, with a
fresh gush of tears, my poor father
is dead If he had lived just one
more day he would have been Chief
of the whole fire department. just
think"
DO not SO bad feel" said the
friendly old German, patting the fell
low on the shoulder, maybe he is a
fire chief now. Providence Journal.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
Trees That Exnlode.

All lightning-blasted trees explode
as overcharged boilers do. The flame
of the lightning does not burn them
up, nor does the electric flash split
them Like an axe. They simply ex-
plode, overcharged, as may be a boiler
with steam.
The lightning Is conducted into
the damp interstices of the trunk and
into the hollows under the bark. Its
tremendous heat at once turns all the
moisture in those cramped spaces into
steam. This steam in its immediate
explosion blows the tree asunder.--
Philadelphia Bulletin
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

"Women already think and act,
and work for themselves" says per-
suasive suffragette. The sizzling
question among many anxious bach
elors. remarks the Louisville Courier
journal, is when will they firmly es-
tablish the custom of supporting hus-
bands who spend their days charging
the contents of the bargain counters
to their wives?
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
ACCORDING to Consul General Jones

According to Consul General Jones.
at Winnipeg, Canada is in great need
of rat traps. Farmers in the grain
belt are becoming anxious over the
invasion of rodents from the United
States. and are willing and able to
nay a good price for trap that will
combine durability and efficiency
The rats are nearing Winnipeg, and
attempts to check them by inocula'
ton with a communicable virus have
so far failed to stop their onward
march.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
The Real Thing.

What's doing in the way Of
amusements?" asks the newcomer of
the old inhabitant OF Hades.
Baseball game every afternoon. =
answers the old inhabitant.
Baseball? You don't mean I'll!
That's great was a fan from way
back on earth. On the square. do
you have baseball every day."
Sure thing"
by gingerl This place suits me.
Baseball! Say this can't be Hades.
them
Yes, it is. The home team always
loses. Life.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

There is such thing as interna-
tional amity and international JUS
tice, dogmatizes the Richmond Times
Dispatch We have not shown 1t IN
our trade relations and we need not
exuect other nations to show 1t In
their commercial treaties with us.
We need not expect from others that
mercy we do not show to them.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

r The statement by a Yale professor
that the "best formed and best look.
ing women of to-day" are "carica'
lures" by comparison with the gre.
clan women of old" would be more to
the point, suggests the New York
World, were it possible to determine
to what extent the examples of classi'
cal sculpture we possess are artists
ideals and what actual resemblance
their marble figures bore to the living
women of the time-how near the
ideal approached the type,
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

Why should an imaginary boundary
line, asks the Boston Post, shut out
our people from selling what they
have to sell and from buying what
they want to buy? This, reduced to
its lowest terms, is the question OF re-
ciprocity with Canada. We want the
food. the lumber, the furs and good
many other things which the people
of Canada want to sell us. The peo-
pie of Canada want our boots and
shoes, our manufactures of many va
rious kinds which our people produce,
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
VERY REMIss.

''I'm dissatisfied with your account
of my discovery. (" declared the scient<
list. 81 told you that it would be inns
possible to exaggerate the Importance
of this discovery"
''Well?H said the reporter.
'sYou didn't try. louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
cor THE noe. PRoBARLY.

Father-in-Law-'sW What! you have
the cheek to come to me just after
the wedding and ask me to put you
ON your feet?'
Son-in-Law (coolly) Yes, sir; it,
was counting your daughter that putt
me on my uppers. - Boston Tran,
script.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
THEN THE DELUGE.

''My daughter is engaged TO a
young fellow and I'd like to find out
something about him"
That's easy. Can't you get him
mentioned for some fairly prominent
Office that is vacant?' Louisville
Courier-Journal.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
Oh, YOU yOTRESS.

Wow,
What row
The women raise
When the men suggest ways
And means for them to show
Which way their suffrage winds do blowl
Why don't they stop their patter?
Why not remove the mote
That's in our eyes by putting
Their notions to vote?
The men, at present masters,
Are only waiting till
They have full expression
OF lovely woman's will.
What?
Oh, you votress
Nv j. Hampton, in New York Tribune.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
COURTESY

How did you earn the title OF
Colonel?"
by bestowing it upon everybody
else. Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
oRAToRY.

Seems to me Congressman Wom-
bat wastes time"
AS to how?'
Yesterday he had fifteen minutes
in which to discuss the hog industry
Of his district, and spent ten Of them
complaining about certain crowned
heads Of Europe Louisville Cour.
ter-Journal
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

When people gather by thousands
to see trouble, philosophers the Phil
adelphia Ledger, they are apt 70
bring it with them.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

The theory that two can live as
cheaply as one only works out, COM
plains the Philadelphia Record, when
conditions are such that they have to.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
Improved Nipple Grip.
,g and unique illustration Of the

When one wishes to replace a few
broken spokes in a bicycle wheel, ne
often finds that he has no nipple grip,
while a bicycle wrench proves to be
too long to get in around the spokes.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
CHAIR and IRONING BOARD.

One of the most ingenious inven-
lions for household use recently pat
ented is the combination rocking
chair and ironing board designed by
a Texas woman
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

After having been ia use since
1850, the Testament used at the
Essex sessions court at chelmsford,
England, has now been replaced BY q
new one the gift o. 3. North Buxton.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

There is no use in noisily pointing
out your good qualities to man, Ia
ments the Trenton True American.
He won't believe them.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
Ready For Summer.

War has begun on the house-fly In
Washington. Haven't seen any OF the
pesky things hereabouts this season.
st. Joseph NeWs-Press.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

A millincr put up this Sign 1--WE
fit girls for the best colleges IN the
East" Who's The JOKE ONT
The Bellman.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
LITERAL LANNIGAN.

Mrs Subbubs (who has hired a
man to plant shade trees) 1T Digging
out the holes, see, Mr.. Lannigan"
Lannigan-"No, mum. Dim digs
gin out the dirt an lawn the holes"
Boston Transcript. !
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
THE nISGuISE.

Customer I'm going to masked
pail, and want something that will
completely disguise me.
Costumer--" Certainly, sir. / will
give you something nice. ''-Pele
Mele.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
WANTED no KILL i'm DEAD.

Clerk-"R Revolver, yes, sir. Six
shooter, sir?"
Customer" Better make it mines
shooter. want to kill cat. '-Bos<
ton Transcript.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

Nowadays, declares the Pittsburg
Dispatch, high living consists nlereiS
in paying no attention to high prices
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
THE FUR COAT.

Maid-@What animals skin is
that?'
MISTRESS (absent mindedly) -
milne. Bon yivant.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26
GONG THE WHOLE HOG.

She-'"They say that an apple a
day will keep the doctor away"
He-''Why stop there? An onion
day will keep everybody away p
Boston Transcript
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-04-26

PERFORMANCES 8 TIMES DAILY.
Miss Bright-"T love dancing.
What is your favorite dance, Mr..
Boniface?"
Boniface 4The menu-et, dear
lady Boston Transcript.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21

a simple life spent largely in the fields. with
plain diet consisting of few vegetables and
fruits. little meat, and native beer and wine for
beverages.
Nothing be obvious than that the
very complexity of our modern civilization is
shortening lives. But of all the evils that
afhict us the worst and most destructive
hurry and worry Hurry drives the body
chine beyond its capacity, while worry racks 1t
inwardly OF the two worry is probably the
worse. This might indeed be called the age OF
worry. Because of the intense nervous strain to
which we are subjected do vastly wor-
rying than did our forebears. The average man
of to-day is continually surrounded and pursued
by phantom troubles, which though few of them
ever materialize into realities haunt him con
tnually, running his peace of mind and inturing
his health.
Worry is not only distressing. but positively
dangerous II is the fruitful cause of many
brain diseases and is often the beginning of dis.
orders of the nervous system Men worry about
money matters, about business and about family
affairs. 1t becomes habit, growing by what II
feeds on, that the victim with nothing on
earth to bother him perhaps, looks around to dis.
cover something to worry about. If there is
nothing else to be found he will worry about his
own health, or about his salvation in the next
world Worry is one of the most important fac.
tors in the development of kidney troubles
1t may be said in conclusion that the fact
SHOWN by the census figures of 1900, that people
Ill rufaI dlstrlcts live longer than residents Of
the cities affords rather a striking Illustration OF
the influence of the complex existence upon Ion
geYity. If we are dying at the top" as seems
TO De the case, the misfortune is unquestionably
attributable to inherent defects in the ciyiliza-
ton of which we are so proud. We have more
amusements, travel faster. are more daintilv
fed, wear finer clothes and are surrounded by
more comfort and luxury than any generation
that has preceded us; but we pay for all these
things literally with our lives which as If by the
working out OF some inexorable law of eompen
sation, have been considerably shortened already
ana seemingly show a tendency to become pro-
gressively shorter and shorter still
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
SOFT, WHITE HANDS
May be Obtained in One Night.

For preserving the hands as well
as for preventing redness, roughness.
and chapping, and imparting that vel
vety softness and Wilderness much de-
sired by women Cuticura Soap, assist
ed by Cutieura Ointment, is believed
to be superior to all other skin soaps.
For those who work in corrosive
liquids, or at occupations which tend
to injure the hands, it is invaluable.
Treatment.-Bathe and soak the
hands on retiring in a strong. hot.
creamy lather of Cuticura Soap. Dry
and anoint freely with Cuticura ONT.
ment, and in severe cases spread the
Cuticura Ointment on thin pieces of
old linen or cotton. Wear during the
night old. loose gloves, or a light BAN
dage of old cotton or linen to protect
the clothing from stain. For red,
rough, and chapped hands, dry, fis-
sured, itching, feverish palms, and
shapeless nails with painful finger
ends, this treatment is most effective.
Cuticura Remedies are sold through
out the world, Potter Drug & Chem.
Corp. sole proprietors. Boston, Mass.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
WOULDN'T MAKE ANY TROUBLE
Mrs. Betsy Baxter a Type of Visitor
Many OF Us Have Been Called
on to Entertain.

La, now, Miss Doolittle, don't you
go to a mite o trouble on my account"
said Mrs. Betsy Baxter when she ar
rived Unexpectedly for dinner at the
home of Mrs. Doreas Doolittle you
know that I'm person for whom you
can just lay down an extra plate an
set before me anything you happen to
have in the house. If you just fry a
chicken same as you would for your
own folks, an make up a pan o your
tea biscuits that no one can beat, an
open glass o. your red currant jelly,
an have a dish O. your ounce pre-.
serves, an some o that pound cake
you most allus have some pipin' hot
apple fritters, with hot maple syrup to
go with EN-, an some o. your good
coffee an any vegetables you happen
to have in the house. | like sweet po-
tatoes the way you bake EN- nightly,
but, la, just have anything else you
happen to have. I'm one that expects
an is willin" to eat what's set before
me, an no questions asked nor fault
found when | go visitin So don't
you put yourself out a mite for me.
If you have what I've mentioned an
anything else you want to have I'll be
satisfied | amt one that cares very
much about what | eat, anyhow AS
the sayin is. any old thing will do
for me. PUCK
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
She Wants a Bonnet.

The manager of a department store
received the following order from one
Of his out-of-town customers. who
wanted a bonnet:
"Mazure of head from ear to ear
over top of head II inches; from ear
70 ear under my chin nine and one-half
inches: from forehead to back hair,
seven inches | want a black lase bon
net with streamers and rosette of red
or yaller satting ribbon and would like
a bunch of pink Rozes or a blue plume
with black jet bucket If artifishels
air still the stile | want bunch OF
grapes or birds tale somewhere
do not want anything to fansy, but IL
you think a wreath of pansies would
look good why put one on. have some
good pink ribbon here at home so you
need not put on strings. "-Lippincott $
Magazine.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
SMART MAN LEFT PIONEERING
For Once He Had Asked Question
and Received Answer That
Foored Him.

He was regular patron of the res.
taurant. Perhaps that is why he felt
justified in making clever remarks 10
The Mattresses. remarks which they
were puzzled how to answer One
day, however, the smallest and tiniest
girl happened To be serving this irri.
Jating customer, and it fell to her to
answer him in kind.
IN have some steak" he said. eeEl.
ing in late for dinner, and some
Squash, and some-got some baked pc.
,dtoes. fine, brown baked potatoes"
Baked potatoes are all over" said
the girl.
He leaned back in his chair and
gazed at her quizzically.
Il aked potatoes all over, are they?"
be repeated All over WHAT"
With" she replied, simply
Companion.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
WHEN DINNER COMES
One Ought to Have a Good Appetite

A good appetite is the best sauce
1t goes long way toward helping in
the digestive process, and that is abso-
iutely essential to health and strength.
Many persons have found that Grape
Nuts food is not only nourishing but
is great appetizer Even children
like the taste of it and grow strong
and rosy from its use
1t is especially the food to make a
weak stomach strong and create an
appetite for dinner
Il am 81 years Old writes a Tenn
grandmother. and have had a weak
stomach from childhood. BY great care
as TO my diet | enjoyed a reasonable
degree of health. but never found any
thing to equal GrapeNuts as d
standby.
when have no appetite for break
fast and just eat to keep up my
strength. | take teaspoonfuls OF
Grape-Nuts with good rich milk and
when dinner comes | am hungry
While If | go without any breakfast
never feel like eating dinner. Grape
Nuts for breakfast seems to make a
healthy appetite for dinner.
My 13-months-old grandson had
been very sick with stomach trouble
during the past summer, and finally we
put him on Grape-Nuts. Now he is
growing plump and well. When asked
If he wants his nurse or Grape Nuts
he brightens up and points to the
cupboard. He was no trouble to wear
at all-thanks to Grape Nuts Read
the little book. The Road to Well
vile" in pkgs. There's a Reason"
Ever read the above letter. nev
one appears from time To time. The,
are genuine, true, and full of human
lnte
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
A GOOD COUGH MIXTURE
Simple Homemade Remedy That 1.
Free from opiates and Harm.
full Drugs.

An effective remedy that Will psu.
ally break UP cold in twenty.sour
hours, is easily made by mixing to.
gether in a large bottle two ounces a,
Glycerine. half-ounce of Virgin on
of Pine compound pure and eigb,
ounces of pure Whisky. This mix.
ture will cure any cough that is eur.
able. and is not expensive as it makes
enough to last the average family an
entire year. Virgin Oil of Pine com.
pound pure is prepared only in the
laboratories of the Leach Chemical
Co. Cincinnati. 0.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
That's the Question.

Wife-You were late last night.
Hub-Beg pardon. my dear As /
came in the front door the clock
struck l.
Wife-But what time did you arrive
at the head of the stairs?
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
A DIaqnosis.

Flows yer 'usband after the acct.
dent, Mrs. Ginnerty?"
Faith. sometimes he's bet ar an.
sometimes he's wurse, but from the
way he yils an takes on when he's
bether, Oh think he's bether when he's
wurse. "-kansas city journal.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
ALL SERENE.

de minister, he says dat at der last
day every man will be judged by his
works."
We'll. dat needn't worry us any. We
never worked"
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
a Noble Woman.

"uardlah-4ou say you are going to marry
man In order to reform him. That is very noble
OF you May ask who 1t is?
Ward-It's Mr.. Oofbyrd
Gnardian-lndeed? l wasn't aware that b.
had any bad habits
Ward-Yes. His friends say that he is becom.
ing quite miserly-Sketch
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
Easily DISTINGUISHED d.

This, remarked Mr. Cane, is my
photograph with my two French
poodles. You recognize me-"
Il think so" said Miss Softee You
are the one with the hat on, are you
not?"
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
For Headache Try Hicks Capudine

Whether from Colds Heat. Stomach or
Nervous troubles, the aches are speedily
relieved by Capudine. It's Lquid-pleas-
ant to take-Enects Immediately. TO- 5
and soc at Drug Stores.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
All Kinds

1T takes all kinds of people to make n world
said the ready-made philosopher
certainly" answered the plain person, look
ct explorers. Some of them exce, WITH NAH.
NAUTICAL instruments and some with typewriters
and picture machines. Washington Star.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
a Question of lime

How much does it cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth.
THAT depends entirely on how long
you live" replied the sad-looking man
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21

Once there was cook who stayed
in one place for more than months
She was in a hospital, paralyzed.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21

That seems to be curious name you have
for your mue?"
Yes. sun. I calls him Climate, cause de na
you abuses him de mo- disagreeable he Rits.
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21
Ga strOnomic.

What belle of the season do you
find most attractive?"
The dinner bell"
The Forrest City times. [volume] (Forrest City, Ark.) 1871-1919, 1910-01-21

ally on the rack until, all at once it breaks
down incidentally, his digestion becomes inn
paired, his vital organs suffer irritation which is
often the beginning of disease, and his circula-
ton is clogged, threatening apoplexy. No won
der then, that in many instance he dies sud
denly. while yet in the prime Of life.
Sudden deaths are much more common than
they used to be. The high pressure of modern
life with its keen competition and intense
strain is the chief cause. The busy merchant
drives his body machine beyond it's capacity and
suddenly it eollapses Heart disease apo
plexy the attack may be- according to the ply
sician's diagnosis but it is really oyerdriying
that is accountable for the mischief The siren
uous life is all very well but it is liable in these
days to be carried too far. have known several
tragic incidents of the kind within the last few
yearS-one of them the of a gentleman
whom I had earnestly advised to lead more
simple life. Nature" | said to him did not
provide you with machine capable of enduring
such You have many hours for sleep.
so many for work and many for recreation;
you must arrange them accordingly" But he
kept at the same gait, and. not long ago,
while speaking at dinner board steam
ship that entering the harbor of New York,
he dropped dead. a blood vessel had given
way.
When the body-machne is weakened by over
1t cannot withstand the hostile germ life which
It cannot withstand the hostile germ life which
it is obliged TO encounter In other words. it's
power of resistance is diminished. And when
the hours that should be devoted to heathful
recreation given up to the enervating dissi-
pations of club and social life there is a double
drain upon the vitality Many business men
nowadays kept under such continual
vous strain that they resort to stimulants in
working hours and it is this sort of abuse. COM
bined with constant and racking excitement,
that has earned for paresis recognition as a
brain disease to which stock brokers are pecul-
iarly lable-so much So indeed that it might
be called brokers' insanity.
The conditions of luxury under which most
Of live-for these days when even the
poor enjoys comforts such unob-
tainabe by the rich half a century ago-have
tendency TO weaken constitutions and impair
vitality Our houses oyerheated and
even the vehicles in which we ride are often
warmed almost to sufocatOn. Thus we have
become like dollhouse plants and, if by chance
exposed to current of cool air, catch cold
perhaps contract bronchitis pneumonia a
tring change of temperature cutting lives
short in a twinkling Or again, it may be that
like will bring congestion of the kidneys
leading to disease of those organs proving even
tuay fatal.
Not long ago while travelling CHANGED to
stop at a village the river Rhine where I
found an astonishing number of old people
There were dozen over 100 years of age and
yet straight and vigorous One woman nearly
hundred years old was earning her living by
picking hops; her grandchildren were middle
aged 1t was quite 3derfu But there was
no mystery about it; it merely the effect Of