davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
SHORT SERMON ON FASTING

very simple, moderate meals day, and
one square feed"
We eat for a healthy activity of the
Erie canal, quite as much as to be nour-
ished Let's be normal, sensible, sane.
We want folks we can live with-men
you can consult; women who can take
Joke. AS for the fast fan, you'd better
send some one in first to study his mood
he may blow the top of the teakettle OF
any minute It's hard to have folks
around who are more aware of their in
ards than they are of their work.
Cut it out. Bill, and be natural. Good
health lies in forgetting 1t.
The fasting fan is a man with Berk-
shire bias.
He has the true porcine proclivity. He
gorges, gobbles, guzzles gulps, and, OF
course, loses his appetite.
He swings between safety and license
The term moderation is not in his
bright lexicon of words. His forced fasts
are as vicious his feeds He is as
unreliable as the dope fend, for he is apt
to be drunk on an idea, with his nose
in the air looking for a universal pam
acea
When fasting it takes all of his will
to forego food, and others then have to
do the work. When gorgng he is perforce
strictly in Glass B, and too close to the
trough to see the stars Forced fasts are
orgies turned wrong side out
The woman who marries a fasting fan
has her troubles cut out for her-no
matter what she cooks or how she cooks
1t, the critic will rail-. and root only of
what his mother used to make.
He is satisfied with nothing because he
is at war with himself.
The recipe for reforming the world Is
this: Reform yourself
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
THE DENTISTS Joke

From the Buffalo Commercial.
At a recent dinner of the Authors
club in London to owen Seaman, the
editor of Punch, Walter Emanuel, an
other member Of the staff of Punch, re-
ferred to the fact that the man with the
largest sense of humor he had evef
struck was an Englishman, a dentist
He went to him after suffering long
with a toothache. He refused TO have
gas, and the dentist pulled out tooth
leaving him writing in pain, and tool,
the tooth to the window, where he
laughed quite heartily. He groaned
whats the joke?" Wrong TOOTH" said
| the dentist"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
Not Yet In Harness

although l have not been elected SIM
ply nominated, a number of people seem
to think | am probate judge, said j. T.
Stiles, the democratic nominee for that
office, yesterday.
Il was called over the telephone last
night and upon answering an anxious
voice said: oh, Judge, please come down
town quick.
when | inquired the trouble the exclteo
voice observed Judge, l wish you 10 per-
form a marriage My girl and l nave
eloped and her parents are in hot pur-
suit
"When I told the would-be groom that
| was not yet Judge of probate the re-
eeiver slammed down as If lightning had
struck it.
Another incident was the publication
few days ago that some candidate hau
filed an expense account with PROBATE
Judge ]. P. Stiles. 1 am anxious TO get
into harness, but as yet 1 am taking my
vacation
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
Remembering the Maine

After all, the Maine may not be raised
until after Congress meets next Deeem-
Der. The army engineers have decided
that the sum appropriated for that pur-
pose. 100000, is altogether insufficient.
The wreck could be blown up with dyna-
mite, but the people do not want to SEE
1t disposed of in that way. They desi~s
to see the old hull foated again. They
desire to study that hull with a view
to determining, if possible, the cause of
the sinking of the ship. commission of
American naval officers investigated the
case and reported that the explosion was
external. The Spanish authorities aIs1
Investigated the explosion, and they re.
ported that it was internal. There the
subject has stood in all the years thai
have elapsed. No one, however. knows
whether the raising of the wreck would
disclose the truth. 1t might not, but
the people of this country want every
possible effort made to ascertain thc
truth.
This is why public sentiment woul.
rejoice to see the movement in the House
to increase the appropriation to $3OO, oot
become law before Congress adjourns.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Thirty per cent of each deposit is to be
invested in government bonds and per
cent is to be held as reserve in the
federal treasury.
The establishment of a postal bank in
an Alabama town will simply show how
many men dstrust the home banks While
they have confidence in the government
How many hoarders there are of this
sort remains to be developed when a
postal savings bank is established hy
the board of trustees in an Alabama
town.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR


From the New York Press.
Industry without judgment can beat a
runaway automobile for smash-ups.
What Is so fascinating to a girl about
romance Is so little sense ever goes
with it.
A woman can make a mystery out of
how 1t rained when the grocers boy said
IT was going to be fair.
Some people are so naturally cranky
they want you to have a bad temper 50
they can abuse you for it.
a man with money in his pocket goes
into restaurant and orders terrapin
AAecause he likes ham and eggs better.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
Postal SAYINGS Banks

The new postal savings bank law is now
IN the hands of three trustees. namely.
the Postmaster General, the Secretary Of
the Treasury, and the Attorney General.
At the best this board will need con-
siderable time in which to prepare regu-
lations and to take steps to tablish
the new institutions for savings. A year
may elapse before the first postal bank
is established.
The establishment of postal banks is
committed without limitation to the three
trustees, and it is said there is a tacit
understanding that the trustees will no.
establish any postal savings banks in New
England, which is well supplied with
savings banks that earn no money for
stockholders. The depositors are the
stockholders in the New England savings
banks. These savings banks do MOI fear,
however, the establishment of postal
hanks. because the latter can pay but
per cent on deposits and the savings
banks of New England are all paying
per cent. Few indeed will accept per
cent when they can get per cent
The sole and only objection to postal
banks consists in the fact that 35 pc;
cent of each and every deposit is to be
carted away to New York or Washing
ton, leaving only s. per cent at home.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
More Are Lights Needed

As Capitol park is our most central and
most freauented park, the city should
light it better than it is lighted at pres
net said a resident of West twentieth
street.
There are only three or four arc lights
in the park, whereas there should be
half dozen. Now that we are having band
concerts in Capital park, the thousands OF
people who have assembled to near the
music should be entitled to at least area
sonable amount of Illumination. Nothing
gives a public square or park or thor
onghfare such a festive appearance as an
abundance of light, especially on dark
night
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
ANOTHER POET TURNED DOWN

From the Chicago Record-Heraio
Dir. James Ball Naylor, whose poems
havs for number of years been appear
ing in magazines and newspapers endeav-
ored recently to secure the nomination
for state representative from Morgan
county. Ohio. and was ANONYMOUSLY de-
feated nv man who wouldn't be able
70 .or the difference between heroic PEN
70 ter and angina pectors. The Ohio
State Journal, commenting on DR.. Nay
Ior's defeat. not only refuses to extend
to him any sympathy but rather insinu-
ates that he deserved what he got. We
ouote a few of the Journals remarks:
"A man who can write poetry like Dr..
Naylor has a right to be defeated. why
does he want to bother with politics? His
Mace is by the quiet streams, In the
nodding woodland and the sun-kisseu
fields where the meadow larks sing.
Now that he is defeated, the doctor can
mingle with the muses. and saunter with
them over hill land dale through the twi-
light into the region Of the stars, Where
the angel Tranquility comes and smooths
the worried brow; rather that 1000 times
than to hobnob with lobbyist and smoke
his rank cigars
Ohio is soon to elect another United
states senator, but there is no reason to
suppose that the election will be charac-
terized by any such incidents as those
connected with the election of our own
Senator Lorimer. hence Poet Naylor
would not have been likely to have had
a chance to bring any bribers to shame
or to have made stir of sufficient I'M
portance to enhance the value Of his
poems. The only change left for him to
achieve distinction lies through the door
of the Ohio penitentary. II he will break
into that institution he may yet become
as well known as that other poet-we
forget his name-who recently achieved
undying fame by getting himself par
doned from the Minnesota state prison.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
CHANGE OF HEART

prom the Tusca Ioosa Times-Gazette..
Birmingham is getting wonderfully In
and The Age-Herald is out advocating a
return to the dispensary for towns like
Tuscaloosa, Huntsville, etc, and wants
to bring In Birmingham on a dispensary
basis also. The dspensary Is receiving a
deal of praise these days, and from
sources it never used to receive kind
change of heart comes over folks in time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Florence June A.-(Special,)-The hand
some brick annex of the First Presby-
terrain church. just completed. was for
mslly opened this afternoon with a recep-
ton given bNthe Workers society. The
annex Is a three-story brick building to
the rear of the main auditorium and Will
be used for Sunday school rooms. base
ment for cooking and parlors for social
purposes.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
AMEN AND sELAH.
AFFECTIONATE COW.

prominent citizen of Bedford, Ind,
was hurt by his pet cow She reared up
and embraced him with her forelegs, i'm
parting such fervor to. the caress that she
bore him to the ground and pinned him
there with one hoof on his breast. Neigh
bors came and had to use force to re-
move the kind-earted animal, which must
have thought herself sadly misunderstood.
The love of dumb creatures for man is al
ways affecting and while we wouldn't
vivisect a dog or beat a starving horse,
we'd hate to be Rugged by COW, even
by Pauline Wayne, the presidential COW.
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
NEVADA'S GOVERNOR.

NEVADAS GOVERNOR.
Says a sporting writer:
1T is all bosh to say that Governor
Dickinson will stop the fight. He is a
good sport not a narrow minded fig
urehead. He is the kind of chap wh 0
can sit As hours in a poker game with
bottle of long-lfe hitters at his side
and get up fresh as a daisy. lie is
a mans man."
Such a vigorous personality is to
be expected in the chief executive of a
state that tolerates Reno.
USELESS EDUCATION.
His WHEY went to cooking school,
And while she's very sweet,
She can't prepare by printed rule
A thing that's At to eat
MOSES AT COLLEGE.
Tommy"
Yes, ma"
Have you studied your Sunday-school
lesson?'
Yes, ma"
What is it about?'
Moses in the cane PUSHES
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
ANOTHER COMPLIMENT

From the Greenville Advocate.
The birmingham Age-Herald has re-
Gently moved into a handsome new six
story modern home on Fifth avenue, with
one of the most modern plants TO ne
found in this section of the country. This
morning paper is one of the progressive
and prosperous publications of the coun-
trxr
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
HAS MEYER SHAVED
From the Kansas City Star.

From the Kansas City Star.
A man was found in Joplin the other
day who had never shaved during the
81 years of his life His snowy beard
is five feet seven inches long. He has
been a tramp 81 years, and In that time
has bathed only five times. Does that
give you the creeps?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

ing.
The idea comes to US from far-off In
6ia. where work is strictly secondary.
Such experiments merely show what
ran be done. but folks with work to do
had better live in a sane and rational
way.
Fletcherize, and again fietcherizes and
you will never overeat. The amoent OF
your eating will be gagged by tie How
of gastric juice, and fletcherizing Is SIM
ply giving the salivary glandS time
enough in which to act.
When the gastric juices stop flowing
things do not taste" and you have nad
enough. It's all easy. and automatic.
God is on our side, If we will only stop
long enough to admit it.
rye had my experiences with fasting
fans and no-breakfast fiends, and have
found them mostly Eighty, fdgety, fussy'
ierly irascibe and contumacious. TO go
without food for "a hours may bring about
"lightness' and "exaltation'-jes' so
and make you ''see things" and perhaps
deprive you of the power of Judging oe-
tween meum and tuum.
The man who does not eat regularly
and moderately is usually sure that some
one has 1t in for him.
The fasting fan is apt to be weepy, IT.
ritable, jealous of his rights and ooilV-
ious of his duties.
He is a Utopian, who demands that you
shall live up TO his ideals.
If I wanted a message carried TO Gar
cia I'd give 1t to man who ate TWO
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
DYSPEPrIc+ apoME.. >

The Muse deserts, the day is dark
And Troubles spies confound me:
The worlds a world of pain and cark
And grisly forms surround me.
No CLEAN of sun athwart the shy,
No flowers sweet perfume;
'Twould make a marble figure sigh,
Such unremitting gloom.
o cruel Fate More desolate
A wight could hardly be.
I'm bout all in-for this distrait
DEPRESSION pardon me.
o cruel Fate! Oh. pshaw. [ said
Those selfsame words above.
TIL ere's something gone wrong with nv
head?
What's that? My heart? 'Tis love?
Come, guess again. give you leave
What makes the world so drear,
TIL all the summer zephyrs grieve
And Morning sheNs tear.
Nor head nor heart.-'tis further down
The cause should be locate;
Why earth and air and ocean frown
Is something that [ ate,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
EXPLAINED
A BUDDING FINANcIER.


when the late Pierre Lorillard was
boy his mother, being annoyed by moths
that destroyed the wooden clothing and
other material of the household, agreed to
pay him a cent apiece for every moth he
would kill in the house, and bring to her.
The same bargain was made with his
brothers, Jake George and Louis. In
course of time Mrs. Lorillard noticed that,
while the other children collected from
her at intervals from 10 to % cents, Pierre
drew on her frequently for a dollar a.
time. indorsng his drafts with 100 dead
moths. Investigation revealed the bent
of the future financier, as well as his ear
ly adaptability to methods governing the
requirement of wealth. Having procured
from a furrier some pieces of fur thrown
away because they were infested with
moths, Pierre secreted them in an old
chest in an unused closet. There the
quickly accommodating moths were banked,
to be drawn upon whenever the inventor
and perfecter of the enterprise required
pocket money. miscellany.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
STILL ROASTING
I'm the Beamount Enterprise

From the Beamount Enterprise.
The Birmingham Age-Herald says that
the death of o. Henry took the only
short story writer who really knew
American life an admission that Amer
lean life is only found In Texas.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

AS soon as Congress adjourns the chau-
tauqua will be begun in earnest and with
redoubled activity All congressman are
eligible except those that have fences
out of repair.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
A MOLLYcODnLE.

What made you drop that novel;
In the first chapter the hero sum
mons his man. l have no use for a
hero who can't dress himself"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

When a nomination for Congress costs
man $4,000, with the costs of an cleo
ton to come, prices are boosted in that
respect to the topnotch.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Vice President Sherman should go TO
Nicaragua where insurgency is active
He can wipe out insurgents with a single
sentence from his massive brow
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The Coal Barons' winning streak is just
begun and the hope is that it will be
maintained until September, with, OF
course, now and then a lapse
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
FORCE NEEDED.

conductor, put me off at Boligee' -
All right, ma'am. l don't blame you
for not wanting to get off there"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The smothering of bills in committee
by the Joe Cannon route will soon be a
lost art.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Not even the lightning roads that are
being placed on the White House can
ward off RooseVeltism.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The Senate will be glad to adjourn in
order to escape before November an in
Vestigation of Lorimerism.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The wireless attempted to establish a
maximum of water to a minimum of
actual value-thats all. 1t had acquired
the Wall street habit
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Congress is almost angelic in its last
moments. Even Joe Cannon wears a
sanity smile.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Edward may not have seemed as pious
as his mother, he was loyal to the COM
munon of which he was the temporal
head"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The Kaiser has acquired the house
maids knee" to use a British phrase. and
it does not operate to make him love
England the more.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
TOO MANY THESES.

IOO MAN THESES.
Il understand Pufferly is suffering from
nervous prostration."
Yes. Pufferly is trustee of three COL
leges and he tried to attend all the COM
mencement exercises"
DEPRESSED.
The poet writes
A cheer-up rhyme,
But feels more like
One doing time
EASILY EXPLAINED.
Il didn't see you at the baseball game
this afternoon"
I'm not at all surprised to hear that
you didn't see me at the ball game this
afternoon"
"Yes?"
Il didn't go"
YOUTHFUL TROUBLES.
Little Dick,
Fathers clay;
Awful sick.
Neighbors say. Judge.
Little Jake
Turned quite green;
Drank too much
Gasoline.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The longest day of the year came on
June 22 and now we are headed toward
winter.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Mr. Roosevelt is settling down to edi-
torial work in luxurious quarters in
Fourth avenue, New York. He is no
longer Vocationless.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
MUCH WORSE

1T takes Bjenkin half an hour in
the morning to get his eyes open.v
That's nothing. Pfiffer had a little
argument with the ice man last week
and he hasn't got his eyes open yet"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Having failed to win success on the
water Sir Thomas Upton should devise a
cup-lfting race in the air.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The liners are tame and uninteresting,
now that the lion hunter has walked
down the gangway and gone home
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The colonel almost delionized Africa,
and he has well nigh eclipsed the ad-
ministration in this country.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

The aviator that is flying the highest
Living of AldriGh tariff fame.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
WHAT He PREDICTED

Margaret Ellington owns that she
Can't stay away from the spot lights
glow;
Daniel Frohman really should be
Pardoned for saying, Il told you
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25
OH, MERCY!

I've ne'er seen Walla Walla, Wash,
And maybe never will;
Some day l may Seattle, WASH,
And visit Brother Bill.
Birmingham Age-Herald.
AMEN AND sELAH.
If Seattle cannot wash you clean
OF this dog" that you've began,
Just keep a-goin on your trip
And maybe Kansas City, Kan.
Admission Star.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-06-25

Elhert Hubbard, in the New York Amer
ican.
K XUCH has been said about the beau
MI ty of ''.e fast-one day. two three
L L days, or even more. without eat
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1910-01-27
NOW IN NTHE SOUTHLAND
Letter From c. F. Wright, Who Re-
Gently Left For Anderson, Mo.

The Record is in receipt Of the fol-
lowing letter which explains itself:
Anderson, Missouri,
Jan. l3. 1910.
Alma Record-Many people around
Alma will be pleased TO know how @. +.
Wright and family reacned their desti-
nation. And as it would consume too
much time TO wri te each one separately
so l concluded the best way was to send
a few iottings TO the Alma Record
which we believe will be preferable to
all. We left Belding, Mich, Tuesday
by Pere Marquette railroad for Chicago
at which place we arri, ed Wednesday
morning at $40. Having but short
time 70 wait, we occupied the time by
partaking of cur breakfast from our
luncheon basket, after which we took
our departure at 9:o5 over the Santa Fe
for Kansas City, arriving at the latter
place at $50. At Chicago it was
showing fast and melting as fast as it
fell leaving the streets very sloppy.
Soon after leaving Chicago the rain be
gan to pour down, and 1t continued to
rain nntil O'Clock in the afternoon
When we reached Kansas City the snow
had disappeared, which seemed queer
indeed when only twenty -four hours
prior we left deep snow and plenty Of
slow drifts, At l1:l0 we took the Kan.
sas Southern railroad that landed Us at
our destination at Anderson Mo, Jan.
l3, 1910. We found a cordial welcome,
and as soon as my senses become col
lected, ! viii proceed to business, house
getting, etc. Anderson is small town
situated two hundred miles south of
Kansas City on the Kansas City rail.
road. It's population is between eight
hundred and one thousand inhabitants
They are very clean, and have plenty
OF time to visit and instruct a northern
man to the best of their knowledge l
am going to tell the people in Gratiot
county how l like tins country later but
it would not be necessary now. We
received our copy OF the Alma Record
and, of course, II looked good and will
continue a weekly visitor.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1910-01-27
PLEASANT FAMILY REUNION

A pleasant family reunion was held
at the home of Mr.. and Mrs. George
Coleman, Sunday, Jan. %. III honor OF
Mr.. Coleman's sister. Mrs. Etfie Davis
and husband who are visiting here
A three course dinner was enjoyed by
thirty of the relatives. Mr. and
Mr.. Davis have sold their home at
North Yakima, Washington, and on
their return to the west thew Will
reside at Portland. Oregon. Mr.. and
Mrs Davis were formerly residents of
this county, Mr.. Davis resideding at
Riverdsle and Mrs Davis in Ithaca
where she is well known rs Effie
Coleman. Until quite recently thew
have been residents of Pasadena, Cal.