Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-02-18
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OF tnese organ recitals.'
Bess-Thats a qaint ring you are
wearing. Is 1t an heirloom? Tess
Well. 1t dates from the Conquest.
"The world wipes its feet on me-"
said the doormat. And every mans
hand is against me-" said the push
button.
| She-You've seen Charley's wife.
Would you call her pretty? He-I
might If were talking to Charley.
IF you had to choose between me
and i million dollars which would you
take?" I'D take the million; after
that you'd be easy"
"Nice car" Yes" as 1t the latest
thing in cars?" II guess so; 1t has
never gotten me anywhere on time
yet."-Houston Post.
| Church-Ever make any money on
a Wall Street tip? 'Gotham-Yes; a
fellow told me to keep away from
there.-Yonkers Statesman.
| She-He has a most extraordinary
figure. hasn't he? He-Thats so.
believe an umbrella is about the only
thing he can buy ready-made!
They say his wife was the inspira-
tion Of some of his best plays" "Yes.
he produced them before he was mar
ried."-Chicago Record-Herald.
Visiting Relative-How aristocratic
your father looks with all that gray
hair. Naughty Son-Yes, and he's got
me to thank for 1t, too!-Puck.
She-Confess. now, that you would
like to see women voters at the polls.
He-I should, indeed Either of 'em.
North or South.-Illustrated Bits.
Patrlce-You say she Is a clever
writer? Patience-Very. Why, I've
known her to use fountain pen with
out getting Ink all over her fingers!
What do you think of man with
rip In his coat and only three but
tons on his vest?" "He should either
get married or divorced. Boston
Transcript.
Scott-Half the people in the world
don't know what the other half are
doing. Mott-No; that is because the
other half are doing them-Boston
Transcript.
Missionary "a little nervously)I
do hope that we shall agree. Cannibal
King-Oh, / don't think there Is any
doubt about that! My digestion is
xcellent.-Illustrated Bits.
Wiggs-At the first night of Scrib-
blers new play l understand there
was big house. Wagg-Yes, but most
of the audience left early to avoid the
rush.-Philadelphi Record.
Football Coach (after the game)-
Boys, are you all here? Quarterback
I'm not; left an ear and part Of a
finger somewhere near the twenty-five
yard line.-Chicago Tribune.
The Highwayman-Hands up! Give
us your money, or I'll blow your brains
out! The Victlm-Blow away! You
can live here without brains, but not
without money.-The Sketch.
1--WE often marveled at your bril-
liancy, your aptness at repartee,
your" ''If It's more than five dol
lars, old man. can't do a thing for
you. I'm nearly broke myself"
Mr.. Struckoil-That there sculptor
feller says he's goin' to make bust
of me. Mrs. Struckoil-Henry, It's
dreadful the way you talk. Say burst"
not bust. t."-Philadelphia Record.
She-HOw far can your ancestry be
traced? He-Well when my grand
father resigned his position as cashier
of county bank they traced him as
far as China, but he got away.-Pitts-
burg Observer.
Hiram Hutchins-Hope your boy
Eph amt on one Nv them college foot
much; Eph got ketched under a steam
roller once an he knows how 1t feels.
Boston Herald
Mrs. A. (maliciously) were
such a charming debutante, my dear.
fifteen years ago. Mrs. B.-Was II
only remember you made such a
lovely chaperon for me when | came
out.-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Pyne-Mrs. Blank certainly
possesses tact? Mrs. Hyne-What Is
| your definition of tact? Mrs Pyne--
Tact is woman's ability to make her
husband believe he is having his own
way.-Lipplncott's Magazine.
"Is he what you would call first
class newspaper MANI" "I should say
so When the 'end-of-the-world scare
was at It's height, he had two edito-
rials written-one to publish If it did
come off. the other If 1t didn't"-Puck.
THAT widow is good manager, isn't