Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-03-11

newspaper man.
Il should say so. When the END of
the world scare was at its height, he
had two editorials written-one to pub
lish if it did come off, the other if it
didn't"
Seven-year-old Horace had a great de-
sire to follow his fathers career. He
was overheard by his mother saying his
prayers one night:
please, God, make me good boy. and
then good lawyer, and then just land
me on the supreme bench. Amen"
Little Joe is very much like his brother
Ned and almost as tall. When Joe
jonned his first pair of trousers he ran
over to his grandpa's to display them.
Grandpa pretended to believe he was
Ned. "DOn't you see its me, grandpa.
with pants on?" he cried. Then he
added loftily, 'I'm not going to wear
clothes any more"
Two Irishmen were arguing who was
the cleverer.
"Well," said Pat, "I'll bet you can't
tell me what keeps bricks together"
"Shure," said Mike. Its MORTAR"
"NO," said Pat; "you are wrong; that
keeps them apart"
But" pleaded the devout youth,
surely you know whether you love me
we'll enough to be happy if you marry
me-"
81 am satisfied as to that" replied the
gentle damsel, 'but don't know whether
Jack, and Harry. and Charley love me
we'll enough to be unhappy if | marry
you"
Two Irishmen, bent on robbery, held
up a ScOtchman. And after long,
fierce fight. in which the Scotchman al
most had the better of it, they succeeded
in cOnquering him. A thorough search
Of his clothes disclosed one lone 5-cent
piece.
"Troth, Pat" said Mike disgustedly,
''if he'd had tin cints instead of a nickel
he'd murthered the two of usp'
Two society girls on car yesterday
were talking about young man they
recently became acquainted with.
HAS he been up to see you lately?"
asked one.
'No," replied the other. HAS he been
up your way?"
Three times last week." Then she
added: Hes the most attentive man |
ever met. Why, he'd no more think Of
letting me put my coat on without help
ing me than he'd fly"
''Oh, that comes only natural to him."
said the other. Il understand he was
once porter in barber shop"
The little daughter of the hostess
looked long and inquiringly at the guest
who she had been told was very learned
man and professor. During lull in
the conversation she spoke up. What
do you do in college, please sir?"
Il am professor, my DEAR" was the
reply. 81 impart my knowledge to the
Students
"Then if you keep on that way" she
said soberly, pretty soon you won't
know anything yourself, will you?"
TwiAt twilight and dark, up near Man
itou Park, maiden sat combing her
bright, golden hair, when heated with
roaming, all painting and fOaming,
there came up and squeezed her a big
grizzly bear. 1t did not alright her, the
bear did not bite her, she lay back and
murmured: 80, still tighter dear"
This broke up old bruin, he let off his
wOOing, sneaked back to the mountains
and hid whole year
According to Stirling (Scotland)
Joulhdl, WHllo d tOCdl uldSIdt6 WAS OH
holiday recently, somehow a rumOr of
his death became current in his native
town. A friend telegraphed to the rela-
tiyes of the dead man for particulars of
his lamentable demise. This message
was handed to the corpse in order that
he might deal with it himself. Being
humOrist, he wrote out and signed in his
own name the reassuring reply: "Please
postpone funeral arrangements till |
return"
A middleaged Welsh market woman
visited theatre for the first time in her
life and was much interested in the
piece, which was founded on Kingsley's
"'N estward Ho.''
MARY" sat in front seat in the stalls;
In one scene an actor. representing the
famous old Admiral John Hawkins, came
on the stage and wrathfully testified
against ''crOakers," concluding his
speech with the old-fashioned epithetl
Mari, come upp'
'No, thank eu surr," said Mary, rising
ID her seat cOuItesyiDg, respectfully.