Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-01-13

SpaIIereus OF bpluLCHeu! -SlO'OA"nO
Plain Dealer.
Wife (reminiscing) Well, very
nearly didn't marry you, John. John
(absent-mindedly)-I know-but who
told you?-The Sketch.
"If invites awake, Ill shay:
'M'dear, brought y some csath'mums
-chrysthmus-ch -chrasythums'-hang It!
Wish I'd got roses Life.
Borrowell-I have no use for that
fellow Bjones. Wigwag-Yes Bjones
is one of those fellows who object to
being used-Philadelphia Record.
What do they mean by an 'endur-
ance test'?" Two chaps Dragging
about their respective makes Of auto
mobiles. Springfield Republican.
well, Tommy, what part Of the
chicken will you have?V why, paw.
you know l always take the back when
there's company. Louis Repub-
lie.
I've just figured out how the Venus
de Milo came to lose her arms
"How| "She broke them off trying to
button her shirtwaist up the back. =
The Jewish Ledger.
The audience is calling you," the
playwright was informed. Il hear
them," he answered. "Show me the
quickest way to get out Of here
Pirminphann Ape-Herald
"New-mown hay is delightful per-
fume; we sell lots of It," Haven't
you something with gasoline odor?
l want people to think l own motor
car, not a horse Life.
Mrs. Newbride = Boohoo Henry
threw a biscuit at me. One that /
made myself, too! Mother-The mon
ster! He might have killed you'll
The United Presbyterian.
Hoax-Out in Arizona he Is known
as a bad man. Joax-Is that so? Did
he ever kill any one? Hoax-Oh, yes.
Joax-What make of car does he
drive?-Philadelph Record.
Visitor-Can you read the past1
Fortune Enthusiastically That's my
business. Visitor-Then 1 wish you'd
tell me what 1t was my wife told me
to get for her.-Boston Globe.
~ DO you want employment" asked
the sympathetic woman. Il dunno wot
dat is, ma am" replied the husky hobo,
but ef ft's ennything ter eat, youse
may gimme a few Chicago Daily
News.
Judge-I'll have to fine ye fifty dol
lars for exceeding the speed limit.
Jack Scorcher-Look here, judge, this
young lady and want to get married.
Remit the fine and you get the job
Brooklyn Life.
Whale-What are you going to tell
your wife when you get homer Jonah
l don't know; l don't suppose she
would believe me If / should tell her
that l had been to a fish dinner
The Bohemian.
You don't know what that's a pic
ture of, johnny" said Mrs Lapsling,
in tone of reprooE you ought to
read your ancient history more That
Is the temple Of Dinah at Emphasis"
Chicago Tribune.
Cynicus-It is impossible for a wom-
an to keep a secret. Henpeekke-I
don't know about that; my wife and
we're engaged for several weeks before
she said anything to me about IT.
Philadelphia Record
Are you in favor of votes for wom-
sn?" "Yes. Perhaps II we can get
hem to think more about votes they
will think less about clothes. have
cur daughters who are growing up"
Record-Herald.
Speaking of Joy rides, did you ever
lave a real one?" mo" Never go
'ut in buggy along shady lane,
With a plug Of horse and the only
ylrl in the world? Say you don't
Inow what life it."-Publlc Ledger.
A traveller stopped at a hotel In
Greenland, where the nights are six
months long, and, as he registered,
lsked a question of the clerk. what
ime do you have breakfast?'" d" From
March to a quarter to May"
Reporter-Mr. Cummin, have you
he manuscript of the after-dinner
peech you delivered at that banquet
asst night? Ketchum A. Cummin
with a gasp)-Did l deliver a speech
here. young MANI Whose?-Chicago
tribune
THE starvation experiences Of those
English suffragettes were trying"
Yes" answered Miss Cayenne; Its
retty hard to be obliged to stop crit
cizing the public policies Of great
overnment in order to find fault with
Is cooking. Washington Star.
Husband-You must marry again.
earest, when / am gone, and that will
e very soon. Wife-No Edward, no
ne will marry an old woman like me.
'ou ought to have died ten years ago
Or -Meggendorfer Blaetter.
"Over here" said the Arab guide,
We have another mummy. From the
boxing utensils found near her, she is
opposed to have been a cook. For
600 years she has remained Just
here she was found" "Bosh Z" scoff-