Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-08-19
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berries got legs? Mother-No, dear.
Young Hopeful-Then I've swallowed a
caterpillar.
Husband-Why don't you act cheer
full, like Mrs. Binks? Wife, would
If were widow, as she is.-Cleve-
land Leader.
Have you noticed, my friend, how
many fools there are on earlh?' "Yes.
and there's always one more than you
think. k.'-Sourire.
Teacher-Jimmy, you look very
pale this morning. Are you i'll? Jim
my-No. ma'am. Ma washed my face
this morning herself.
He-I asked your fathers consent by
telephone. She-What did he say?
He-He said: Il don't know who you
are, but it's all right"
Stranger-Rastas, do the people who
live across the road from you keep
chickens2 Rastus-Dey keeps some of
'em. sah.-The Housekeeper.
Edison has perfected his invention
OF cement houses which may be pour
ed" Then it's me over the hills to
the poorhouse. e."-Houston Post.
Then you don't want to leave foot
prints upon the sands of timer"
MIX" answered the politician guard
edly. "All want is to cover up my
tracks"
How was July Fourth observed in
your town." I'm the usual way: there
were one hundred people at the town
exercises, and five thousand at the
baseball game"
Traveller in Africa-This vast plain
is, / believe. what is known as the
veldt? Boer-Vell, We don dt call 1t dot
no more. 1t is now called der Roose-
veldt.-Judge.
Don't you think 1t looks mannish to
smoke cigarets?" said Mrs. Flimgilt.
1T may look that way for a woman
to smoke them," replied Miss Cayenne,
'but not for a man"
The Sunday school class was sing
Ing Il Want to Be an Angel" why
don't you sing louder, BobbyT I'm
singing as loud as l feel" explained
Bobby.-The Delineator.
Miss Bright" whispered Miss Gaus-
sip, can you keep a secret?" Yes"
replied Miss Bright, also whispering, II
can keep one as we'll as you cam
Catholic Standard and Times.
Bones Ceiling a story)-Well, the
evening wore on Jones-It did,
eh? What did It wear? Bones
Well, II you must know, l believe 1t
was the close Of summer day.
You should dress according to the
weather." said the physician. 81 try
to-" replied the man with cold. But
I'm not quick enough to keep up with
the thermometer" Washington Star.
Tapeson-I suppose you'll spend the
season In Europe among the big bugs?
Tickerly-Unless the market changes
I'll be more likely to spend 1t out in
Yaphank among the potato bugs
Puck.
The wife Of college professor warn
ed him as he went off to officiate at
funeral one rainy day. Now, John,
don't stand with your bare head on
the damp ground; you'll surely catch
cold"
A smart Irishman was leaning
a uh
sion passed. Who's dead?" someone
asked. Il don't know" answered the
lrishman, "but presume it's the gen.
tleman in the coffin"
Lady-But poverty is no excuse for
being dirty. Do you never wash your
face? Tramp with an injured air)-
Pardon, lady, but I've adopted this ere
dry-cleanin' process as bein' more
'ealthy an 'i-geenic.-Punch.
Ascum-Do you think it's true that
Skinner has bought a place for him
self in society? Wise-Oh, no. I'll
bet he's only leased 1t, for he's liable
TO have to skip out at a moments no.
tice.-Catholic Standard and Times.
Here, here" yelled the commercial
traveller in the washroom of the vii
lage hotel. You're using my tooth
brush" "Am II" inquired the rural
guest. Gee whillikens Well, where's
tn one tht belongs to tn house?"-
Cleveland Leader.
i did not know you had lost any
one by death lately" II haven't"
Then why do you wear that black
oand on your white sleeve?" That's
merely where the conductor caught
nold to help me onto the car this
noon. Houston Post.
Pater-Can you give my daughter
the comforts to which she has been
accustomed? suitor-Yes, sir. I've
oreakfasted at your house. and I'm