The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-05-02
BARNEY OLDF|ELD IS
now ON WATER WAGON
No Bottled Peasant Girl Laugh
ter for the Fearless
HOW PICKENs TIMES
His Remarkable Experiences mt san
Bernnrdino When Crowd Turned
"smeIl Dawgs" AIoose-Van
Loan Gets Humorous

| - IL. y nv tfOl4N
| New York, April 3O-Announcement ex-
| traordinary. Hear vel Hear YET Hear
| We. Barney Odfield is on the water
wagon No longer can the pedders OF
the grape point with pride to the most
daring subject in the realm and say:
Look how he flies to it and still his
nerve is goodl''
1t came about this way The night
that the news filtered across the wires
that Ad Wogast had whaled Bat Nell
son, Barney collected wash basket full
of coin. He had played Wolgast as a
moral and got two or three to one for
his money. By 10 o'clock that night he
had every bartender in Hot Springs rub
bling his wrists with Mustang liniment to
relieve the soreness caused by teasing
the eorks out of cold quarts.
Then somebody started something.
They transformed the grill room of the
Arlington into an abbatoir and it took
-four hours to sew Barneys scalp back
on his head. The other fellow had a
slight dent on his left cheek. When
Barney saw the other gladiator he took
the pledge
i've got to quit" said the Speed
King. Its only matter of time, when
in my cups, I will lick some poor devil
50 badly that he will die and then they
will hang me-
So Barney climbed up on the wagon
and sat down beside the chauffeur
For years and years Barney has been
famous for his habit of giving battle 10
strangers. and like Harry Pollok, he has
yet to win his first decision. The man
who has carried away more fence
wrapped around his neck and ripped out
more steering wheels than any human
being in the world. usually receives his
trimmings from a man about eleven
hands high and fatchested at that.
So Barney has reformed for one year.
The news will make sorrow in certain
quarters abroad, where they make
business of 'imprisoning the laughter of
the peasant girls of France Somehow
they never managed to cork up any
laughter for the Hon. Barney. When
they got the cork jammed home on the
stuff which he bought there was always
lot of trouble in the bottle. The peas
ant girls of the section, where they bot
tied up Barney's favorite vinegar, must
have been a quarrelsome bunch.
When Battling Oldfield got his scalp
well plastered on. he went over to Day
tona Beach with his new benzine shadow
wagon and every night when Barney
heard the O'Clock eurfew bell he
backed up suddenly aud went to bed.
Can you imagine Barney Oldfield going
to bed at o'clock? l can, but It would
be o'clock in the morning.
They tell me that every morning before
daylight the speed merchant was out of
the hay, dressed in overalls and armed
with monkey wrenches and things for
the turning up of his racing car. 1t has
been long time since the Hon. Oldfied
soiled his powerful mitts with an oily
1s.,tY, ,,rf
have done him good, for he set some
new worlds records at Daytona and now
has the distinction of driving the fastest
mile ever. spun behind an automobile
He is so fast now that they time him
in hundredths of a second, which is go
ing few.
And speaking of that timing, Bill
Pickens, Barney's manager. is a wizard
when it comes to timing Barney on the
bush circuit. One day at San Bernardino
when Barney was advertised to drive
mile in a minute on a narrow circular
track full of chuck holes and SAM pits
Bill Pickens, armed with the only split
second stop watch in the crowd, an
nounced the time. Barney kicked up
all the dust in the world every time he
came down the home stretch and the
car, leaping from crag to crag jumped
so high that it seemed to be travelling
az a dangerous rate of speed Every local
sport was keeping cases on Barney's
miles. timing him with the second hand
of his watch, and the venerable soup
kettles and scalp boxes" were anxiously
scanned. There was a little murmuring
when B. Pickens caught Barney's third
mile in 1.02 1-5. Those who had not
second hands on their watches applaud
ed; the others grunted their unbelief
They had made 1t in about 1.2o
Bill Pickens has a massive and magni-
r
1t a poor second and all other entries
do not even finish. ~
Bill announced the third mile in SO 40
better than mile minute. ladeez and
gent men," They probably would have
lynched Barney If he had not run off
the track on the next lap, taking
portion of the fence with him. They for
gave him because he came near killing
himself in an effort to please, but that
same night the citizens made Bill Pick
ems climb ten foot fence to get away
and the smell dawgs' were loose also
But Mr.. Oldheld has REFORMED. Hoo
ray, No more will he wigwag the head
waiter to bring out few that have
been nestled UP against the ammonia pipe
No longer will he take the newspaper
men riding in order to show them how
easy 1t is to shave the fender off an
electric car No more will he lose de-
cisions to total strangers. He has rec
formed. Bill Pickens says so and Bill
never told a well. hardly ever.
II Bill had cut down that cherry tree.
he would have made the old man believe
a beaver did 1t and 1t is even money
that he would have produced the beav-
ers affidavit in evidence.
II Barney falls off the wagon before
this gets into print. 1t does not go. Gem
tlemen. put one hoof on the table and
drink little still water to the peer
less fearless and peerless Oldfeld. org
may he wave!