Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1910-02-16

without emmy trade or profShun, a loi.
terer on the surface oY tie earth, a
man oy morals, or man that the deY.
II delights in.
But be hiz trade or profeshun what
it may be- be hiz general reputashun
good, bad or Indifferent, be he Jew,
Gentle or Mormon, there IL no mis-.
taking one thing about him, he IL a
powerful skater"
He seizes yu by the hand with all
the ferosity that furnishing dog
closes upon pound ov buchers
meat; he shuts up on IN az remorse-
less az an iron vice: he stops the
cirkulashm in yure right arm, he
sends pain galloping all thru yure
natur, he grins like a placid demon,
and gives yu one grip, and one shake,
that lifts yu klean off from yure feet
and elektrifys yu, like the savage at
tax OF 40-horse-pewer elektrik bat
terry
Whatever mi poor fate may De, I
hope and pray that Heaven will from
this time on, give me sum signal that
may kno theze savages beforehand,
and eskape their klutches.
/ would rather emmy one would hate
me, loathe me, abuze me in nuzepa.
pers, rob me on the hiway, steal mi
karakter for honesty and temperance,
pass kounterfit mummy on me, run
away with mi mother-in-law, coax off
mi wffe's lapdog for the sake of s
dollars reward. refuse to indorse for
me, or ask me for loan, than to seize
me bi the hand, and luv me with one
oy theze diabolikal shakes" that
leave mi poor fingers throbbing with
pain. az mellow az sirioin stake az
ter 1t haz lain on the block, and been
beaten bi a patient FOUNDER.
In konklushan, will add, If theze
fellows don't, after reading theze re-
marks. shake" with less renoun /
snail pray for some modified form ov
paralasiss to put in an appearance.
and take the bitter squeeze out ov
them.
Number Two.
This individual liz a regular prim.
rose; he walks on the tips ov hiz toze.
hiz gait IL about halfway between
pace and trot; he IL. gentle az po-
matum and haz about az much feros-
ity az haff-drounded kockroaeh.
If yu meet him on the streets. he
eddys up to yu like the down oy
thistle; he smiles family, like a luv-
sick maiden, and approaches yu az linn
oh
az yung puppy.
He spills hiz hand into yures for a
Shake" as limp az a bea-kup oy kold
Mustard: yu feel az tho WI had hold
oy the end ov tow-string: not a
throb even az faint az the pulse ov an
infant kan yu detekt.
He talks sum nonsense, listless and
lazy, bows to sumboddy on the oppo.
site sidewalk, twists up the end ov
his kork-skrew mustach with hiz left
hand, and yu let go oy him az emo.
shunless az yu would drop a peanut
shell on the pavement.
! dispize theze kind o. shakers;
they are the whey ov mankind
Numher Three.
This fellow stalks imperious az
Caesar; he recognizes yu with hauty
nod. Perhaps he IL justice in one oy
the lower courts, and perhaps not. He
sticks out hiz left hand at vu az spfte.
full az lobster would one ov hiz
kiaws; he shakes" with yu az tho he
waz disguised: or afraid ov SMALLPOX.
and keeps on walking right strate
ahead
Yu feel mad at yureself, and at this
fellow. too, and solluml., sware that
all sutch dogs az this kan hereafter,
nenceforward, and forevermore
shake" their own paws.
| am angry, and amt ashamed to
own 1t, at all humanity who shake"
with their left hand, and do 1t ON the
run.
Number Four.
He meets yu almost tickled to deth
TO see yu; he seizes yure hand In both
ov hiz; hiz tung runs like the shuttle
oy weaving-loom he talks and
shakes, and shakes and talks: and
- SsAu 0Audihss anu QuaVerS, he
praizes yure wife; he exalts vupe chill.
dren: he mourns yure late deceased
unkle, and finally fiutters away, giving
yu parting shake" which he would
nav you beieaye liz the kream ov hiz
narte; but YIN kno. mi friend, and so
do |, too, that this fellows joy and
aHackshun IL no better than the st
Vitus dance.
Number Five.
Give us one more, mi dear man. nv
tnat kind of shake; there IL lust
vim enuff in it to stamp it az honest.
| kan feel yure harte beat In the palm
oy yure hand: kan see the shake
shadowed in yune eye; | kan hear its
echoes in yure tung. 1t IL az cay to
understand az the 10 commandments
and az natral to swallow az an oyster
on the haff-shel
Civ us one more ov this Kind oy
shakes" mi dear fellow, before we
part; 1t IL az honest az milk right
rom the cow, and az full of profit az
mummy at 10 per cent Interest.