davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
The Only Thing to Do.

The old veteran had paused I'm his
"reminiscences and was mopping his
brow. while his audience waited impa-
tiently. thinking he had left Off.
81 recolicct," he continued drcamily.
that mt the battle Of Alma | had Il
very eXcitin' time. Bullets were pelt-
in upon us like rain. men fell right
and left. cannon roared like thunder
itself. and worst OF all, the enemy
had managed To get within Il hundred
yards of our position. was mad
with excitement and wasn't thinkin'
Of anything except just fightin' for all
l was worth All of sudden ! turn
ed and found that my regiment had
changed its position. and | was cut of
left to the mercy of the enemy. sir"
The veteran paused. He always
does at the most exciting part. He
finds it amusing.
"Well. what did YOU dO?" asked NJ
impatient listener.
"Do:" said the old fellow sternly
"Well. | reckon | did mile in three
minutesr-St. Paul Dispatch.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
He Was Not Surprised.

what kind of ducks are these" ask
ed the visitor in the ornithologicai de-
partmcnt ut the museum.
Labrador" said the attendant. I'VE
paid $1,000 for those two specimens"
Gosh" exclaimed the visitor, turn
ing to his wife, ''he says they paid
$1,000 for EN-. I've bought finer ducks
for half a dollar many a time. What
have you got EN- in that glass case
for?" he inquired. addressing the guide
again.
Because they are about the most
notable exhibit we have. Those birds
were shot I'm 1886. Labrador ducks are
now extinct"
lie says" exclaimed the visitor
turning to his wife once more they
put EN- in that glass case because they
haven't a pleasant odor. And | don't
wonder ut It, They were shot in 1886
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
The Way He Scored.

Sir Charles Todd was for many years
at the head of the Adelaide obServa-
tory and was the chief of the South
Australian weather bureau. Once when
visiting one of the smaller towns of
the colony lie called on Il man who
had gained local reputation as a
weather prophet. Without disclosing
his identity Sir Charles said to him:
IL dabble little in weather predict
ing myself. Would you rnind telling
me how you arrive at your conclu-
sions?'
"Oh, that's easy enough" was the re-
ply. There's an old cove in Adelaide
called Todd who puts in the papers
what he thinks the weather's going
to be, and | always put just the OPP
posite to what he says. and that's the
way l score"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
Some Puns.
The best pun in the English la


The best pun i'm the English Ian
guage is Tom Hoods:
He went and told the sexton.
And the sexton tolled the bell.
The worst pun is that of the man
who fell into Il ditch and rose with
the remark. How very ditchtreSsing"
Dr. Johnson said that the pun was
the lowest order of wit. but to this
Goldsmith replied. The pun. in other
words, is the foundation Of wit. eh?''
Every Latin master likes to tell his
boys two pui,s. The first is Il punning
derivation of restaurant: res. n thing:
taurus. Il bull: bully thing" The
other is Il derivation of virgin: "Vir, a
man: gin. a trap: a man trap"
Among newspaper humorists the pun
is dying out. In the Old days. the
good old days. the burlington Hawk
eye man and the Norristown Herald
man and the Arkansaw Traveller man
would pun ut each other Ike this.
We don't care Il straw what Shake
spearc saba rose 10y any other name
would not smell as wheat Arkansaw
Traveller.
We hav" made an oat OF the above
Harrington HawEeye.
Such puIS are h::rrly tolerable. They
amaize us. they arouse our righteous
corn. and they turn the public taste
! a-rye.-Norristown Herald.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
The ~
Scrap Book
Thing, Hs Cidn't Understand.

Things He Didn't Understand.
At the table on an incoming liner on
a recent trip one of the first cabin pas
sengcrs found in an oyster one OF the
tiny seed pearls which look almost ex-
Sctly like bird shot Apparently the
formation of pearls WAS Il mystery to
him. for he examined the Ining curl
ously. picked it up gingerly and laid 1t
on the tabecloth for further investiga-
ton.
Now IL is II habit OF cooks at sea to
carry lishhoOks i'm their pockets. and
on this trip. by Il curious coincidence.
part of small hook got caught in Il
piece of beefsteak that WIS served TO
this particular passenger. AS soon rs
his knife encountered the hard object
he started picked 1t out carefully and
laid IL beside his other find on the
cloth
Then he hcckoncd to the waiter and
confidently whispered in his ear. II
don't want To be impertinent." he said
but would YOU mind telling me where
YOU shoot your oysters and why you
catch your steaks with hook and
lineg"
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1910-07-13
A Horne So =.

1 turned an ancient pee hook
And found upon the prSe.
"Stone walls do not n prison make
Nor iron bars cage"
Yes. that is true. and something more
You'll find where'er you roam
That marble floors and gildcd walls
Can never make a home.
But every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest
Is surely home. and home. sweet home.
For there the heart can rest
Henry van Dyke.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

Barnes, and was almost annoyed when
the man informed me that Her Lady,
ship" was In her room and by her ex
press orders was not to be inter
rupted.
But does she know that Mr.. Barnes
is here?" / asked, rather impatient OF
all this mystery. Mr.. Barnes himself
answered me before William could
speak.
my dear Lord Vincent" he said
Don't, pray, trouble about 1t!
have been welcomed by your lordship
and shall await Lady Vincent's pleas
ure In regard to meeting her, which
will be soon, no doubt, for we lunch
at one, do we not?" He took out his
big open-faced watch.
What time is it," asked anxious.
ly, as a sudden remembrance of the
Importance of that same luncheon
rushed over me. Would Terhune sit
down to it an afianced or free man ?
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
NEWSPAPERS TAKING 1T UP
Metropolitan DalIIes Giving Advice
How to Check rheumatism and
Kidney Trouble.

This Is a simple home recipe now
being made known in all the larger
cities through the newspapers. 1t is
intended to check the many cases Of
Rheumatism and dread kidney trouble
which have made 30 many cripples,
invalids and weaklings Of some Of our
brightest and strongest people.
The druggists everywhere, even in
the smallest communities, have been
notified to supply themselves with the
ingredients, and the sufferer will have
no trouble to obtain them. The pre-
scription ia as follows: Fluid Extract
Dandelion, one-half ounce; Compound
Kargon, one ounce, and Compound
Syrup of Sarsaparilla, three ounces.
Mix by shaking well in a bottle. The
dose is one teaspoonful after each
meal and at bedtime.
Recent experiments In hospital
cases prove this simple mixture ef-
fective in rheumatism. Because OF
its positive action upon the elimina-
tive tissues Of the kidneys, 1t compels
these most vital organs to filter from
the blood and system the waste i'm
purities and uric acid which are the
cause Of rheumatism. It cleanses the
kidneys, strengthens them and re-
moves quickly such symptoms as
backache, blood disorders. bladder
weakness, frequent urination, painful
scalding and discolored urine It acts
as gentle, thorough regulator to the
entire kidney structure.
Those who suffer and are accus-
toned to purchase q bottle Of medi-
cine should not let little fncon-
venience interfere with making this
up, or have your druggist do IT for you.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
CHAPTER XII.

"The noon hour exactly" said he.
Great Scotland" exclaimed aloud.
Then the deed, l thought, must be
done; l had been two hours riding.
Terhune must have decided his fate
one way or the other during that
time. 1t was quite exciting. rang
for footman and when William had
appeared again l asked him where
Mr.. Terhune was, realizing at the
same time that 1t was just as much
Arch's duty to entertain old Barnes,
since the solicitor had come upon his
business after all.
Don't know, your lordship. Will
try to find him." said William, leaving
the room just in time to escape col
liding with Terhune. who burst in up
on us in a manner so unceremonious
and excitable as to be quite unlike
himself.
Upon my word, Vincent" he ex-
claimed, quite ignoring Solicitor
Barnes, I'm glad I've found you! /
thought / never shouldl l say, where
have you been?"
Riding" l replied, for an hour or
two, and talking to Mr.. Barnes, which
you should have been doing also.
don't think you've spoken to- him yet,
have your" But far from attending
to my hint, he hardly let me finish
before he grasped my shoulder and
was shaking 1t nervously.
"Pve made mess of it, Vincent"
he said, and his voice stirred me to
real feeling, 1t was so genuinely dis.
tressed. Upon my word l have! !
wouldn't have believed 1t II you'd told
me yesterday, but she's refused mel"
by Jove!" l expostulated, for OF
course / knew that Agatha Sixth was
the "she" referred to. you don't say
SOL" And somehow felt just as sur.
prised and disappointed as If had
not known of my friends rash es.
capade Of the night before. l had felt
so sure that 1t would all come right.
Refused mel" he went on distract
eddy. Just as If I'd been the dirt
under her feet, my dear boy! AS II
were insulting her by asking her!
Me-a Terhune! AS If l were insult
ing her!" His face flushed again at
the thought and he ran an agitated
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

hand through his thick, slightly gray
hair, careless of the disorder 1t left in
its wake.
Poor old chap" said pityingly.
felt thunderingly sorry for him, for 1t
was uncommonly hard lines, but some
how couldn't think of thing to say
that made matters any better.
where was it," / asked him with a
natural curiosity to learn the scene Of
the disaster.
"In the west garden" he replied
I'D been sticking in the house all
morning waiting for her to come down
stairs. You know she went up right
after breakfast, but hadn't succeeded
In seeing her. So thought I'd take a
turn in the garden to brace me up,
and there she was herself"
"Fine!" l calculated, as interested
in his recital of the catastrophe as
If l were at play or watching the
races. We had both of us forgotten
Solicitor Barnes, who had retired dis
creetly to the hearthrug and was
pacing it with mathematical precision
Not so finew went on Terhune,
because she made as If to escape me
directly, which of course wasn't very
encouraging"
Decidedly not!" exclaimed. But
you asked herr"
Il did. | blocked her way as she
started up the path, put my cane right
across in front of her, and asked her
why she wanted to run away from me
when all l wanted in the world was to
stay by her all the rest of my lifel"
"Bravo!" l cried. played, indeed!
And them"
And then" he said. polishing his
eyeglass furiously as he spoke, "and
then If she didn't go and pretend to
misunderstood mel But / didn't let
that hinder me. l simply said It again
as plain as man can put it, VIII you
marry meT" He stopped and could
see that pain and anger, resentment
and humiliation for the moment had
mastered his power Of speech. And
then?" prompted him again.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

The inevitable predictions as to the
character of the coming winter are be-
ing made. And 1t was Just as newt
able that they should disagree. From
one source we have the announcement
that wild animals are putting on an
extra-heavy coat of fur in preparation
for exceptional cold. OF course the
farmer who observes that the huskS
on the maturing corn are unusually
thick, presaging winter Of more
than usual frigidity, has been heard
from. And so forth and 80 on as re-
CARDS the chilly side OF the question.
But on the other hand weather
sharps" have noted that conditions
prevailing about the time the sun
crosses the line" foreshadow q mild
winter. All Of which may be put down
for what It is worth, in the calm as
surance that nature will run the cold
weather program without any assist
ance from outside.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
ro Police ponIphan Lake.

A movement is on foot to stop sein-
Ing in Doniphan lake, the best fishing
resort in Kansas. The fact that the
lake is not wholly in Kansas compli.
Gates the matter, but ]. w. Orr, repre-
sentative for Atchison county, will in.
troduce bill to conform to measure
passed by the last congress to provide
for the policing of disputed territory
where the boundary of Kansas and
Missouri shifts with the river A
similar measure will be introduced
and urged in the Missouri legislature
by representatives Of Buchanan coun-
ty. The measure also will cover liquor
dealing on disputed territory, which
has caused Atchison county, Kan, and
Platte county, Mo, trouble.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
"oH, you clDERl"

Fall is the season when man IL
moved to praise of things humble In
origin, but rich in fulf1lment. The
young turkey struts about, preparing
himself for November's ideas; the
woods cackle with the dropping OF
hickory and butternut as the boys
sent clubs into the branches, and the
pumpkin swells and yellows on the
vine. Especially Is 1t the time when
the muse lnclines to sing OF cider.
And the muse might be in far worse
business, says the Detroit News. The
Romans knew the drink, and before
them the Greeks. In the days OF
Isaac and Jacob the pastoral tribes
were familiar with its bead and zest.
To such drink does the palate yearn
in these October days. Exalted be
the natural, undistilled Juice Of the
first pressing. A good custom Is the
old one of grating up little horse
radish and dropping 1t into the
secured casks that are to hold the
liquor. 1t improves and lends the
tang, which is beyond the powers OF
description. With cool place for its
storage, the resultant product can be
kept in any receptacle. II no cool,
cobwebby cellar be at hand, then a
stone jug will do admirable service.
From either a geneous-mouthed pitch
er, topped with the lightest, arrest
bubbles that ever rode an underlying
depth Of rich, clear brown, can be
brought out to make an autumn or
winter evening with book and hickory
meats and popcorn and a swapping
fire an evening of life, indeed.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

California astronomers report the
breaking up of big sunspot into a
group of uncommonly small frag.
ments, and intimate that the phe-
nomenon may be the forerunner Of
some extraordinary disturbances. 1t
Is about time for the sun to come into
the spotlight again. The big luminary
was eclipsed. in scientific interest for
q time, by the appearance of the Hal.
Icy comet and the speoulations and
observations accompanying that selSR
hal exhibition.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
KANSAS HAPPENINGS
A Cousin of HadIey Dead.

Mrs. Abner Hadley, cousin Of
Herbert Hadley governor of Missouri,
died recently at the home of a rela-
tive in Emporia. The Hadleys came
to Kansas from Indiana in 1858 and
Mrs. Hadley was the first woman on
the townsite Of Emporia, the day the
town was surveyed, February II, 1857.
She was born in North Carolina in
1880. The Hadleys lived in Emporia
20 years, then moved to Garden City,
which since has been their home.
Mrs. Hadley was charter member Of
the First Methodist church of EN-
poria and w. G. T. U. worker.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

Americans are not the only ones
who engage in the search for lost
treasure or unclaimed estates. Very
little has come Of efforts to find Cap
tain Kids loot and other valuables,
though no doubt attempts will be con.
tinued. And now an association has
been formed in England for the pur.
pose of recovering about 100000 in
specie believed to be in the British
frigate Lutine, which was wrecked in
1893 and sunk at the entrance to the
Zuyder Zee. The association has
been incorporated, and doubtless
there will be plenty Of persons ready
to take chance by investing in the
shares. But the probability is that
almost any ordinary business venture
would bring better returns.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
IIobts on Baby Carriage.

Il was puzzled the other night by
two lights which kept approaching
me on the sidewalk" said wayfarer.
81 finally made out that they were on
baby carriage. 1t struck me as a
pretty good idea, for the lights didn't
seem to bother the baby at all and
they certainly kept people from run
ming into the carriage in the dark
The lanterns were made like small
carriage lamps and were fastened in
sockets"
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
chanute Bonds Issue Held up.

twill require an act of the legis-
lature, it is thought, to validate Cha
nute's new bond issue of $4,000
for waterworks extension. The attor-
ney for the Commerce Trust com.
pany, purchasers of the bonds, has
hled an opinion declaring the issue
faulty for two reasons. First that
the proclamation for election was
not published every day for three
weeks as required by law. Second
that in the preparation of the ballots
used In the election strange liberties
had been taken with the wording as
prescribed by statute.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
CHAPTER x.-contInued.

Then don't you understand" she
said. Don't you sect"
well, really, Dearest. 1 don't" l
had to acknowledge. II don't see what
all that has to do with"
But her quickly bent head and low
choked cry Of "Wilfred!" interrupted
me and then the oldest thing of all
happened. There was my own wife
crying and there was l, her own hus-
band, unable to comfort her because
she pushed me away every time /
came near her.
It was too much. And hang 1t ALL
The cause Of all the friendships in
the world wasn't worth that moments
pain. / was disguised with the whole
business, and in my agitation l went
down to the stables and flung myself
on horse to try and ride the rancour
of my first taste Of Dearest's displeas-
ure out Of my veins. But l didn't
make very good work of It and / am
afraid mathematical Agatha First
and Agatha Sixth and even old Ter
hume himself all the way out and all
the way back.
When / returned 1t was twelve
o'clock and the footman told me at
the door that Solicitor Barnes had ar
rived and was in the library. AS /
have said. in accordance with Ter
hune's aunt's wishes, Dearest had in
vited Mrs. James solicitor, Mr..
Barnes, of Barnes, Willoughby & Sons,
up from London to take luncheon with
us, that he might be present at the
time when the stipulated ten days ex.
pired and be witness to the fact that
the time was not overstepped by so
much as a minute. They had sent
the station wagon to meet him as per
Dearest's arrangements, and he had
reached the castle not ten minutes be.
fore my own arrival. l was glad of
that, for l remembered, with a new
and troubled sense that / was no
longer in her good graces, that my
wife had instructed me to meet him
myself.
Impelled by this thought hurried
into the library without changing my
riding things and found Solicitor
Barnes pacing restlessly up and down
the apartment and glancing at his
watch from time to time.
"Ah! Lord Vincent?" he asked-we
had not yet met-and as l assented ]
shook his thin impassive hand as cor.
daily as l could. He was like most
barristers l have met, fishy looking
beast, though one couldn't help ad.
miring the look of omniscience about
him, as If never so much at home.
"And how is Lady Vincent?' he in.
quired politely, when l had finished
apologizlng for my attire and for my
neglect to meet him at the station.
Conversation was certainly tagging
had no heart for it, with all / had
on my mind, and had begun to feel
pretty well talked out, when a foot.
man appeared in the doorway and
wanted to know II he was to show
the gentleman upstairs.
didn't answer his question. II
seemed too much trouble to have to
explain to William that the barrister
was not guest overnight, and instead
1 inquired where Lady Vincent was
/ thought 1t rather odd that she did
not come down and welcome Mr.,
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

Receipts of sheep at Omaha make
new worlds record, more than $4,000
having arrived in one day. This i'm
mense number taxed the stockyard
facilities almost to full capacity. Yet
the announcement Of these facts Is
coupled with the statement that "the
market prices showed no tendency to
break" Heretofore 1t has been alleged
that high rates for meat were due to
the short supply. But with unprece.
dented shipments Of sheep this rule
certainly does not apply to at least
one class Of meat What is keeping
up the prices? Would 1t be unfair to
suggest that the packers trust might
throw some light on the situation?
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
shines of Pioneer Days.

"a file of bootblacks now does duty
in front of the California exchange
and the man with dirty boots who
passes them and is no customer must
run the gantlet. Capital enters the
field with the armchairs and cushions,
and to the armchairs and cushions
newspapers are added. Close to the
customers eyes is this placard:
Boots BACKED mot wet or greased),
25 cents. Boots BACKED (when wet or
greased), so cents. Boots BACKED GALL
over, legs, etc., so cents "-Whittle-
sticks Wide West. A paper published
in San Francisco fifty years ago.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
cut EIectrlc Lluht cables.

Under the direction of Mayor
Hanna of Clay Center ten men led by
City Clerk Guy Martin cut down the
poles and severed the main cable of
the local electric light company in an
effort to destroy the service of the
company. Litigation growing out Of
the differences between the city ad-
ministration and the company is now
pending in the courts.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01

Has aviation as sport" no longer
power to attractf Reports from the
old world are to the effect that the
principal British and continental
meetings this year resulted in finan-
cial loss to their promoters. who are
"cut" a total Of &375.000 Most of
the "bird-men" also are worse of in
pocket through participation IN the
exhibitions. Some big money" has
been made in the United States and
in Europe by winners of prizes OF.
fered in aerial competition. But there
are numerous signs that the matter
has been overdone. both here and
abroad.
Meade County news. [volume] (Meade, Kan.) 1900-1918, 1910-12-01
Leroy Flour MlIl Rurns.

The three-story -four mill Of the
Neosho Valley Milling company at Lee
Roy burned recently with all contents.
The loss is about $4,000 and the in
surance $4,000 on the building and
machinery and $1,000 ON wheat and
flour. Five thousand bushels of wheat
and five carloads of -four burned.