Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-03-25

There are two reasons why some
people don't mind their own business.
One reason is that they haven't any mind
and the other is that they haven't any
business.
my task in life," said the minister
complacently, consists in saving your
men," "Ah," replied the maiden with a
soulful longing, "saye good one for me,
won't you?"
Hello! What's the knot tied in your
handkerchief fOr?"
my husbands gone to the country,
and the knot is to remind me that he
told me to think of him in his absence y
An AchisOn woman says she heard a
Missouri school teacher say to a pupil:
Don't say 'tain't'. There amt no such
word"
A new Jersey man found $500 in a
Bible which his grandmother gave him
35 years ago. What makes it remarkable
! is, of course, that he found the money at
all.
The pOlitest man in Boston cOllided
street. The second man was angry. MY
dear sir" said the polite one, with a
bow, 81 do not know which one of us is
to blame for this encounter. If ran
into you, | beg your pardon; if you ran
into me, don't mention itp'
Daysey Mayme Appleton, recently Wis
tied in the country. Il like it," she
wrote home; the morning concerts of
the birds, the pure air, the unobstructed
horizon and sky arouse the tenderest
emotions in me. Everything delights
me but that expression, Stop the hogs !
hear it twice day and am coming home
tomorrow"
Aunt Emily, an old c0lOred woman,
was given two Maltese kittens, and
| asked the neighbors to help her name
| them. Uncle Eph, who lived across the
street, shuffied over with the suggestion
that they be named Cook and Peary.
Look a yere, Eph," replied Aunt Emily,
| 'does you want to suit those animals of
mine? Why, them amt polecats.'
A highlander fell into river and
after desperate efforts managed to reach
the bank in safety. His wife, who had
been distressed onlooker, exclaimed as
soon as her anxiety was relieved, "Ah.
Donald, We should be verra thankful tae
Providence for saving your lifeW
Donald was somdwhat aggrieved at
what he deemed an unequal apportion-
ment of credit.
''Yess, yessp' he replied. providence
wass very goot, but | wass ferry clever,
too, whatefer.''
W. a'i
for the first time, noticed doorpIate on
which was engraved the word "Chiropo-
dist" The following conversation was
overheard:
Hi, Georjie, what is a 'chorrupo-
dist'?"
"Why," says Geordie, don't you know
that a 'chOrrupodist' is a man what
teaches canaries TO whistler"
A Scottish minister had among his
parishiOners, man who dealt IN old
horses, alternating his spells of labor
with heavy sprees. During the period
of depression which followed each over
Indulgence, John habitualIy took to bed
and there diligently studied the family
Bible. During one of these fits of at
tempted ref0rma ton his condition
prompted his wife 10 call in the Rev.
Mr.. Wallace, the parish minister, who
at the time happened to be passing.
"Oh, Master Wallace, come in and see
our John; he's rale badp'
whats wrang wi him?'
Hes feart to meet his Maker" said
Mrs. John.
Quick as fire came The crushing reply
"Humph! TheIl'm he need ma be feart
for that; he'll never SEEM"
| The patient opens his eyes, His glance
takes in the white walls and white
furnishings of the hospital ward. He
looks down and sees the bandages that
swathe him from head TO foot. A white
robed nurse appears beside his bed.
Am badly hurt?" he asks.
YES" she says, but not fatally
| When the automobile struck you it broke
both arms. one leg, five ribs and your
jaw, besides dislocating six fingers,
knocking out three teeth and blacking
both eyes. Will you give me the name
of your folks, so | may inform them that
you will be here for couple Of months ?''
"Yes," he says. "but break it to them
gently Just say that l have had to
come to sanitarium. owing to my run
down condition"
Fine Edition