The Caucasian. (Shreveport, La.) 1900-192?, 1910-04-26

his identity as the one who had called
him up.
"Is that you. doetor?' asked the hu-
, morist innocently. II didn't hear what
you said. My butler has been at the
phone, and he said he couldn't under
stand you
Mr.. Clemens always enjoyed joke
at the expense of one of his clergy
friends. The Rev. DR.. Doane, later a
bishop, was rector of an Episcopal
church in Hartford. Clemens, after
listening to one of his sermons, said
to the preacher:
Il have enjoyed your sermon this
morning, for welcomed it as l would
an old friend. have a book In my
library which contains every word of
It,"
'Impossible!'' exclaimed the minister
Indignantly.
ut is true nevertheless"
'Then, sir, shall trouble you to
send me that book"
Next day DR.. Doane received, with
Mark Twain's compliments, a dietion-
airy.
As an Art Critic.
The late 81. 81. Rogers, q special
friend Of the humorist, was something
Of an art connoisseur. Once he show
ed Mr.. Clemens at his home beauti-
full marble bust-a young woman coil
ing her hair-and asked what he
thought Of 1t. The visitor glanced at
1t and said:
sit isn't true to nature"
.Why notY asked the host.
Because her mouth Ia not full Of
hafrpins." said Mark Twain.
Here's another Twainism that sticks:
Honesty is the best policy. l know,
for l. have tried both"
AS the original chronicler of this jest
said, there are persons on earth who
are grieved by such a remark, but
heaven rest their souls.
Though the early Hannibalite was
emphatic as to the mendacity of Sam
Clemens. we have the word Of the IL
lustrious accused himself in attesta-
ton of his truthfulness.
81 am a greater man than George
Washington" he remarked once upon
a time.
While his hearers were mentally OBJ
serving that while he might be greater
in some respects he should let others
say 1t for him, Mark Twain continued:
Eyes; I'm greater than Washington
George could not tell a lie, while
could tell lie-but l never do"
His Opinion of Practical Jokes.
It is highly gratifying to the up
holders of humor as one of the refined
arts to know that Mark Twain never
has had any liking for the practical
joke. His opinion of the practical
joker the present writer once had the
pleasure of hearing him express. One
of the old stories In connection with
his career is that about his pipe, nick
named "the morgue." It was in Wiz.
ginia City, New. when Clemens was
hardworklng reporter on the Enter
prise newspaper. His income in those
days was not sufficient to permit him
to purchase the long black cigars which
In later years became almost a part
Of his personality. He smoked pipe
Ian ancient one too-that smelled
dreadful. according to his coworkers
They had named it the morgue' be-
cause OF its odoriferous quality.
The other fellows In the Enterprise
sanctum had dropped gentle hints and
some hints not SO gentle anent that
pipes absence being more desirable
than its company, but Clemens eontin-
ued to puff away at the old pipe
every night when he sat down to write
his copy. Finally the others fixed up
conspiracy. They pooled contribu-
lions and bought a pipe of highly
SNOWY appearance. When Clemens ap-
peared the next night smoking "tI1e
morgue' the chairman of the commit
tee thus addressed him:
t'Uh-Mr. Clemens. your associates In
this Office, observing how much you
love to smoke pipe and holding you
generally in high esteem, have contrib
uted to a fund and purchased for you
this fine new pipe, which. as you will
see, Is much shower pipe than the
one you now smoke. It occurred to US
that You would appreciate, coming
from your fellow workers. the gift of
new pipe. No pipe is too good fer
you. Sam. and we do not begrudge the
money we have spent for this one. We
only trust that you will smoke it from
day to day and night to night and that
beneath its curling smoke and enwrap-
ped In its fragrant aroma you viii
continue to write for the Enterprise
those valuable and interesting stories
which have been gracing its columns
ever since you became one of us. Now,
old man, in behalf. Of your associates
take pleasure in presenting to you
this costly-if we do say it ourselves
this costly and beautiful pipe. and long
may 1t cheer your
Mr. Clemens was overcome with
emotion. He arose, accepted the new
pipe, went to the window and threw