davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

When Willie goes to school next
week he viii have a new teacher.
The new teacher will like Willie
when she begins to know him, but the
process may take several terms.
Willie's teacher began to like him
just before the close of the school
year, and she testified to her affection
by offering him pocketknlfe.
There, Willie" she said, you have
tried SO hard to be a good boy that
am going to give you this nice four
.bladed pocketknife--but you must
promise me never to cut the school
furniture with it."
Take 1t back, teacher" said Willie.
sadly.z-Cleveland Plaindealer.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
Mrs. Briaas, Speech.

If brevity is the soul of wit, one Of
the wittiest speeches on record was
made by woman. Mrs. Briggs lived
In the northern part of Indiana. long
distance from any village. Hearing
that the Rev. Mr. Goodwin was TO
preach in township some twenty
miles distant, she resolved to be pres
emit. and as no other way offered. she
walked the twenty miles.
The pastor heard of this and was
so pleased at the appreciation which
1t showed that at the close of the SER
mon he mentioned the fact to the con-
gregation, and called upon Mrs. Briggs
to tell them how she came.
Rising slowly. she looked over the
audience with great solemnity. and
said:
Il hoofed It,"
Then she sat down again.-Youth's
Companion.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Queer questions come over the tele-
phone to the newspaper Offices Here
was one that the man who CHANGED
to answer the phone had put up to
him the other day:
Say" began the unknown seeker
after the truth, do you--do you re-
member who It was that killed Abel?"
why, Cain, Of course" replied the
newspaper man. who put In several
years at Sunday school. Who'd ju
suppose7'
Well" observed the man at the
other end in an annoyed tone. ''doggon
II l amt gone aud made fool O. my
self. Course It was Cain. now that
you mention 1t, but I made a two to
one bet with a fellow that twas
Goliath. and now I'll have to go with
out a new overcoat, reckon, this next
winter. cleveland Plain Dealer.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
Valuable Assistance.

Children always love to have a
finger in the pie" and TO help with
whatever is going on. When mother
or nurse does everything for them,
they are deprived of great deal OF
pleasure ard will not be SO well fitted
TO struggle for themselves when the
time comes as they would have been
II they had been accustomed to do
things for themselves. says an ex.
change. They should be encouraged
to be useful and to assist with any
preparation that may be going on.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
WHY NEW ORLEANS
CITY is LOGICAL POINT FoH
WORLDS PANAMA EXPOSITION
lts Geographical Position and Many
Other Considerations Mark Il az
Most Suitable Spot for Dedl-
cation Of Great Work.


Public sentiment has decided that
the completion OF the Panama Canal
in 1915 shall be celebrated with a
great International Exposition in
which all the nations Of the world
may participate: and the question OF
where this Exposition is to be held
viii be settled by Congress at It's ap-
Toaching session.
New Orleans and San Francisco
are contesting for the honor Of hold
ing this Exposition, and both cities
have guaranteed immense sums OF
money as an evidence Of their ability
to finance so great an enterprise.
An Exposition worthy OF the term
Worlds Fair" such as New Orleans
proposes to build, will be a great ed.
ucational movement. Its success as
such, however, will depend entirely
upon the percentage OF our popula,
tion who can secure its educational
advantages. this In turn, depends up.
on its location, as the time in travel.
ing to and from the Exposition. and
the cost In railroad and Pullman
fires, are the most important factors.
Considering these matters, New
Orleans claims to being the 'Logi.
cal Point for this Panama Exposi-
ton. seem to be fully substantiated
by the following facts:--
New Orleans is 500 miles from the
center OF population IN the United
States. San Francisco Is $500 miles
distant therefrom.
Within a radius of 500 miles from
New Orleans there are 17,500,O00
people. Within the same radius from
San Francisco there are only 100000
Within a radius OF 1000 miles from
New Orleans, there are 65,000,000.
Within the same radius from San
Francisco there are only 100000.
At an average Of 900 miles from
New Orleans. there are 70 OF our
principal cities with a combined
population of 100000. Averaging
300 miles from San Francisco there
are only large cities, with com.
bined population of Just 100000.
The average distance Of all these
cities to New Orleans is 1872 miles,
to San Francisco 2.407 miles.
Over rs per cent. of the people OF
the United States could go to an
Exposition there at an average ex.
pense for railroad fare Of $12.50, as
against an average OF $3.50 to the
Pacific Coast; and for several mil.
lions Of our people, the Pullman
fare and Dining Car expenses alone.
for trip to San Francisco. would
amount to more than all their trans.
portation expenses for trip to New
Orleans.
This is an important public ques-
tion to be settled by Congress at the
,efore price for an 1tInlzed Ii
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

John William Skldmore.' says his
better half, sternly, what have you
been drinking?"
Not a shing, M dear" asserts John
William, gravely.
How dare you make such a state
ment, when you can hardly talk. and
your breath is more than SUFFICIENT
evidence to convict you Of imbibing
intoxicants?"
But, m dear. 'shure you haven't
drunk single shing. l simply ate
16 pieshes o. minshe pie on wager.
That 'sh all.
And John William Skidmore piloted
his mince pie jag laboriously up the
stairs.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
DAME NATURE HINTS
When the Food Is Not Suited.

When Nature gives her signal that
something is wrong it is generally
with the food. The old Dame is al
ways. faithful and one should act at
once.
To put off the change is to risk that
which may be irreparable. Al Arizona
man says:
For years could not safely eat any
breakfast. | tried various kinds OF
breakfast food, but they were all soft,
starchy messes which gave me dis
tressing headaches. ! drank strong
coffee. too, which appeared to benefit
me at the time, but added to the head
aches afterwards. Toast and coffee
were no better. for | found the toast
very aconstipating.
"a friend persuaded me to quit the
old coffee and the starcby breakfast
foods, and use Postum and Grape-Nuts
instead l shall never regret taking
his advice l began using them three
months ago.
"The change they have worked in
me is wonderful / now have no more
Of the distressing sensations in my
stomach after eating, and l never have
headaches. | have gained IL pounds
in weight and feel better in every way.
"Grape-Nuts make a delicious as
well as nutritious dish, and find
that Postum is easily digested and
never produces dyspepsia symptoms"
There's Reason"
Get the little book, 'The Road to
Wellville," in pkgs.
Ever read the above lettera A new
one appears from time TO time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of huEnp
interest.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
. I 9 O'S
Tor rt+e sEsT MEoic.<g
Hfor COUGHS Q COLDS



Men are like children; they want
managing, although you must never
let them dream that you think so. No
child likes to be ordered about. no
man will endure coercion. But man
aging 1t is an art so subtle, so elu
sive, that few women understand
even the rudlments of It. Sisters
mine. let us reason together. says
Woman's Life. In every human being
there is a spark Of the divine; It is
yours to fan that spark into flame
that is managing a man-it Is to get
the very best out of him there is to
have, and not two women In ten can
do II.
Do not think that there is anything
unworthy in managing a man-to
bring out the best Is high vocation
Only let us see to it that we are
worthy of 1t. There are women who
have made angels Of men. but at the
cost of their own divinity. There is
room for more than one unselfish per.
son In a family.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

The thousands Of people in the
great grandstands cheer Justify as the
preparations for the game go on.
The air is shattered with class yells
OF the contending colleges.
Finally. to a mighty shout Of en-
thusiasm. the opposing teams trot
upon the gridiron.
In their wake follows committee
of grave and reverend selgnors, bear
Ing various scientific instruments. In
a dead hush the members of the teams
are weighed, their muscular resistance
Is recorded, their mental alertness Is
measured. their dynamic force is as
certained.
The professor OF higher mathemat-
les then brings into play his table of
logarithms, and arrives at result,
whereupon the referee megaphones:
The Wiskesotas are found to have,
In the general percentage, .0002678
over the Illianas.'
A scene Of wild excitement ensues
as the crowd departs.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
The privIleus Of Man.

B. F. Yoakum, chairman of the exc
cutive board of the Frisco system Of
railroads. on one occasion took to task
a young man in his employ who had
announced his intention of marrying.
The youth in question was drawing
small salary, and Yoakum remon-
strated with him on the ground that
he could not afford to marry and that
his wife would have to suffer great
privations.
"Oh," said the young man. Il guess
I've got as much right to starve a wo.
man to death as any other man has. "
Popular Magazine.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
WASTED A FORTUNE ON SKIN
TROUBLE

Il began to have an itching over my
whole body about seven years ago and
this settled In my limbs, from the knee
to the toes. | went TO see a great many
physicians, matter which cost me a
fortune, and after noticed that did
not get any relief that way,-I went for
three years to the hospital. But they
were unable to help me there, used
all the medicines that could see but
became worse and worse. I had an
Inflammation which made me almost
crazy with pain. When | showed my
foot to my friends they would get
really frightened. did not know
what to do. I was so sick and had be.
come so nervous that positively lost
all hope.
I had seen the advertisement OF
the Cuticura Remedies a great many
times, but could not make up my mind
to buy them. for had already used SO
many Medicines Finally | did decide
to use -ttne Cuticura Remedies and |
tell you that was never SO pleased as
when I noticed that, after having used
two sets Of Cuticura Soap, Cuticura
Ointment and Cuticura Pills, the en-
tire Inflammation had gone. / was
completely cured. should be only
too glad II people with similar disease
would come to me and ind out the
truth. would only recommend them
to use Cuticura. Mrs. Bertha Sachs.
1921 Second Ave, New York, N. y
Aug. 20. 1909"
Mrs. Bertha Sachs is my sister-in-
law and l know well how she suffered
and was cured by Cuticura Rene
dies after many other treatments
failed. Morris Sachs, S21 E, S9th St,
New York. N. Y, Secretary of
Deutseh-Ostrowoer Unt.-verein, Kemp
ner Hebrew Benevolent Society, etc"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Look at the brownies. papa!" ex-
claimed little miss as she gazed up.
ward at Wall street skyscraper.
They are not brownies, dearie,"
replied papa. They are big men, like
me, but they look SO tiny because they
are so high"
IF they were twice as high. would
they look twice as small?" she asked,
showing the mathematical turn not
unnatural in the offspring Of a sue.
cessful broker.
Papa answered Yes
She made a quick calculation and
remarked: "They won't amount to
much when they get to heaven, will
thew"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
WIndmlII Country.

The great windmill country is Ar
sentina. Plenty of water from Is to
300 feet underground throughout the
vast. level unbroken plain, as ex.
tensive in area as one-third of this the
whole United States. but all like our
prairie lands; and wind blowing
across the even stretches all the year
around. The grazing lands are dotted
with windmills, and Argentina keeps
on importing them. chiefly from Van.
keeland, at the rate Of more than a
thousand a month.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

my name in your testimonials. Mrs.
II. W. MITCHELL, Box 8, Sabattus, Me.
Another Woman Helped.
Graniteville, VT. 81 was passing
throughthe Change Of Life andsuffered
from nervousness and other annoying
symptoms. Lydia L. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound restoredm my health and
strength, and proved worth mountains
of gold to me. For the sake Of other
suffering women / am willing YOU
should publish my letter" = Mrs.
CHARLES BARCLAY, RED, Granite
VILE, Vt.
Women who are passing through
this critical period or who are suffer
ing from any of those distressing ills
peculiar to their sex should not lose
sight Of the fact that for thirty years
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, which is made from roots and
herbs. has been the standard remedy
for female Ills. In almost every COM
munity you will find women who
have bten restored to health by Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Sure. and OF tink 1t pays to be
honest, afther all" said Pat. eoi
troied thot phoneyweight business in
my grocery sthor lasht year. and OF
losht money by ut"
How sog Did you get found out?"
asked his friend.
No. sorr." returned Pat eOi made
the mistake Of film me weights wid
ieao, 70 snot Igery mon thot come No
me for wan pound of sugar got twinty.
three ounces TO the pound. "-Harper's
Weekly.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Jacob H. Schiff, at dinner on the
yacht Ramona. condemned a concern.
that had gone up.
Straight business methods are the
only ones, he said. There Is moral
in the receiver story.
"A man. you know, said one day to
a little boy:
~ Web, Tommy, what are you go
ing to be when y.u grow up?'
IA receiver. SIR Tommy answered
promptly Ever since pas been re
ceiyer we've had champagne for din
ner and two automobiles.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

The elderly stranger. by invitation
of the superintendent, was addressing
the Sunday school.
How many can tell me-" he asked.
which is the longest chapter in the
Bible2"
Many hands went up.
This little boy may answer" he
said. pointing his finger at an urchin
in one of the seats near the front.
which is the longest chapter in the
Bible?"
Psalm double one nInel" shouted
Tommy Tucker.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Lend me your pencil. Johnny" The
small boy handed it over and teacher
continued to correct the exercises of
the class. When she finished she suf.
fered sudden lapse OF memory and
laid the pencil away in her desk. As
she stood up to excuse the class she
encountered the scornfui gaze of John
ny's eyes. Rising in his seat he fixed
her with an accusing forefnger and
uttered the single word Craft"
Johnny's father writes for cur.
rent magazine.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
Best to Keep ones own seeret,

The more you acquaint your friends
and associates with your intentions
and anticlpaticns the more they expect
the climax of this. the consequence OF
that, and the sequel OF the last chap
ter, until finally they have wormed
the whole Had of your existence out
of you. Maybe next time you meet
these people with a pang OF regret.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Mamma-Wby. Herbert. what In the
world is the matter with sister?
Herbert-Aw, we was Just a-playin'
haunted house. an she was the ghost.
an give her the little chain to swal-
Ter SOS she could clank ever time she
moved. an now she's cryin' an says
she don't want to be the ghost any
more!"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

In all its forms among all ages Of horses.
as well as dogs. cured and others in same
stable prevented from having the disease
with SP0HN'S DISTEMpER CURE.
Every bottle guaranteed Over 100000
bottles sold last year $50 and 800 Any
good druggist, or send to manufacturers.
Agents wanted. Spohn Medical Co, Spec.
Contagious Diseases. Goshen. Ind.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
1t<<,>.6 1ee-%


'Honest to goodness, pahson," whis-
pered Deacon Coonley. Il hates to ac-
knowledge 1t. but owuld like to git
Jest one fash at dem fight pictures
"Yon unpretenden' sinneh," e1.
claimed Parson Mokeby; don't yen
know you'd be punished 70 sich a
SIM"
81 don't think l would" smiled the
deacon; you see. had it figgered out
TO git q seat right neah an exit in
case anybody started any race rloti"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

'Do. your old friends drop in to see
you once in while and ask you II
you are making plenty Of money!"
asked the first business man.
Eyes. and half the time don't know
what to tell them. can't decide
whether they are looking for a place
to make an Investment or a touch.'
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
She Has Changed Her Opinion.

z hear your maiden aunt is visiting
you"
yes. Came yesterday
How long does she expect to stay?p
"Oh, l don't know-probably for
some time
4 feel sorry for your wife. ! be-
lIeye 1 heard her say not long ago
that she despised the old lady
"she used to. but she has changed
her opinion--in fact. has great re-
spect for her now. Aunt Hetty brought
three trunks. two Of them filed with
things she struggled in from Europe
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
sweet eeIIs JanaIed out Of rune.

"Ah, kind lady, l ask your pity.
l should not be in this plight had it
not been for an unfortunate love af-
fair
Love affair? Then you were"
Once was in love with woman
who had ten million dollars, but she
loved another and married him."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
rRY MuRlNE EYE REMEDY

for Red. Weak, Weary. wstery Eyes
and Granulated Eyelids. Murine Doesn't
Smart-Soothes Eye Pain. Druggists
Sell Murine Eye Remedy, Liquid. 35c,
soc, S1.00. Murine Eye Salve In
Aseptic Tubes, Csc. s1OO. Eye Books
and Eye Advice Free by Mail,
Murine Eye Remedy Co, Chicago.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

1t is shame for people who have
in their lives consciousness OF love
and character and courage. 10 fall In
to the wasteful folly of unhapplness
about the unimportant.-Margaret De-
land.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

What do you represent? A stair
case?"
mo. I'm snow maiden. What is
your disguise?"
Why. came as a simple gentle
man"
"Perfect!"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

"a month ago you rejected story
OF mine.'
4 remember Thought it was rot
ten
4 had offered it for 81, and you
turned 1t down"
$50 | did"
We'll, sold that story for $40.
Here's another story. May l ask the
favor Of one more rejection2 1t seems
to help"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

1 hear the old bridge outside OF
Plunkyille has collapsed
Eyes; and the town council can't
understand 1t. We had Just given that
bridge coat of paint Why. 1t looked
like new."-Louisville Confessional.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
J. G. HUNGERF0ND
HIJNGERFo
General Produce
FOR 7
.Ernfs Calves Lamb
.Ernffs. Calves. Lamb

Legree landed on inc Tom, an the
real dog bit hole in Aunt Ophelia,
an there was merry hades to pay I'M
III the local manager called the patrol
wagon and had the whole bunch drag
ged up the pike and dumped in the
woods. An the worst of 1t was there
vas a record house, with nineteen
good dollars in the box."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Compound and
Liver Pills before
childbirth, and we
are all surprised to
SEQ how much good
1t did. My physi-
clan said : Without
doubt it was the
Compound that
helped you.' /
thank you for your
kindness in advising
me and give you fun
permission TO use
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

to dropsy, diabetes
and fatal Bright's
disease. B g gin
using Doan's Kid
ney Pills at the
first sign of trouble.
They cure all kid
ney ills.
Mrs. F. L. Stew
art. Walnut Grove
81. Princeton. KY,
says: Doctors said
/ had gravel and
gave my case up
as hopeless. grad
ually grew worse
and death seemed
near. Finally / be-
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Mrs, Winsiow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces innamma-
ton, allnys pain, cures wind collie, e5e bottle.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

How can woman be expected to
have any regard for the truth when
she Is obliged to promise to obey in
the marriage ceremony
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

gan with Doan's Kidney Pills and
soon received relief. In six weeks l
was completely cured"
Remember the name-Doans
For sale by all dealers. so cents a
box Fosser-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

4 am poultive this actress buys her
puffs"
Which ones-newspaper or hair
dressers?s
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

II It had not been for his lantern
and the tub he lived in, probably
Diogenes would never have been heard
Of.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

cholly soft-May I-aw-have just one
nw-good-night kiss7
Miss Wise-Why. certainly, you
Door. dear boyi How you must miss
your nurse when you are away from
homei
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

One genius is about all the average
family can AFFORD
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

Hicks CAPuDlNR is the best remedy-re-
leves the aching and feverishness-eures the
Hqnid--effects Immediately. Toe, 25e, and Soc.
AT drug stores
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

:. Whether from Colds, Heat Stomach or
Nervous Troubles, capudine will relieve you
US hdnid-pleasant to take-acts immedi-
ateiy. Try it. l0c., &c.. and 20 esats at drug
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

NOW said the suffragette orator,
sweeping the audience With her eagle
eye, 4 see Mr.. Dobbs sitting down
there in the third row-a man who
has condescended TO come here TO.
night and listen to our arguments. lie
has heard what have had to say.
and I think we should Ike TO hear
nm him, and get a mans view Of our
?. Mr. Dobbs, tell US what you
Of the sufiragettes."
Oh, c-c-couldn't. m-m-maam,"
m fmered Dobbs. Il rur-reaIly C.
hidn't. Thu-there are l--lul-ladles
pup-present."-Harper's Weekly.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
ST, & PnnnsvIv:

Say. Mister, ter decide a bet, how
often does youse cat day. | seq six
teen times and Johnnie sea about
tent"
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14

But the pure food laws do not make
any provisions for love that is adul-
terated with filthy iucre.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1910-10-14
DON'T NEGLECT YouR KIDNEYS.

Little kidney troubles gradually
grow more serious and pave the way