davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
By Hank

cares. drives that loggy feeling out Of
the window and
Hold on, interrupted the court
How much is that stuff a bOttle?"
"One dollar" replied the prisoner
six for five2' queried the court.
ITO your honor, yes" agreed the tall,
You're fined five dollars" responded
Magistrate Murphy. but we'll take II
out in trade. Give me six bottles of shat
stuff.
sThank YOU. your honor" said the
tall thin man. as he laid the bottles on
the bench and started to leave; be sure
and read the directions on the wrapper
before taking. The fourth paragraph, 1
believe, relates to the spring fever.
Now" said Magistrate Murphy, after
court had been hurriedly adjourned ana
they sat again in the magistrate 5 private
chambers, open one of those bottles ana
read the directions, paragraph 4. Don {
Here it is. sir" said Casey, reading.
Paragraph No. says, In cases Of spring
fever. get an oil can and fill il from the
contents of the bottle. II 1t IS a bad
spring that squeaks OF sounds feverish N
any other way, five or six drops IS enough
to cure it, If a watch or clock spring
oil it a little by"
Whatever is that you're reading?' SAID
Magistrate Murphy suddenly. "Oli the pee
spring? What is the stuff, anyway? Reac
.,The label. sorr." said Casey. readinl
slowly and mOurnfully. says Parker
Tropical Oil, good for all kinds Of ma
/ chinery and
aEnoughw' cried Magistrate Murphy
We've been stung. Fix up the couci
/ for me. I'm going to sleep. That is IN
/ best cure for spring fever that know:
And J." said Casey, after he watched
+ his honor slim blissfully into unconscious
ness on the couch, know where there 1
+ a nice soft cot in cell No. 2, where In
! thinking I'll take a little Of the SAM
medicine myself
But if / could only lay me hanos o.
( that spaIpeen who played us thOt dirt!
/ trick. with his ovid oil there's no sprint
/ fever that could hold me back from wal
! lOping him a good one, I'm thinking
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
Over the Old Court Bench

AW Aw AW ALI was the
:" yawning response made by Of
- ficer Casey, of the Bridge, to the
CHEEKY good morning of Magistrate
Murphy. as he entered his private cham
bers off the courtroom.
His honor's eyes opened wide with
establishment, but as he started to utter d
rebuke to the impoliteness of his aide,
his mouth stretched in spite of himself
and he INDUCED in a long "Ee-ee-aw-aw-
an yawn, as IL his jaws would crack.
What is it, Casey?'' said Magistrate
Murphy, as soon as he could.
Sure, it's the spring fever we're hav-
in I'm thinl1in', yer honor replied Casey.
It's turrible tired OF am the whole day
long"
I have noticed bit of lassitude about
myself, toe of late" responded his honor.
81 expect you're right. What can We do
for it,"
Il dunno, yer honor said Casey,
I've tried everything but as soon as /
awake in the morning. I'm half asleep
7'Wen. open the court" said Magistrate
Murphy. ''and perhaps hard work will
Yes. sir. aw-a-ahr' said Casey. sitting
another yawn, and leading the way TO the
bench.
Looks Like a Serious Case.
HMM. very serious case this, SAID
Magistrate Murphy, as he read the COM
DIaiDt papers against a murderOus-lSoK-
! ing individual. lined up before him, as
! the first prisoner. Caught robblng a
house-teu us about it, officer he added,
turning to the policeman IN the case;
This man, your honor, explained
! the policeman, was caught asleep IN bed
I in
( Caught in bed?" repeated Magistrate
Murphy d" thought he was burglar
1 He was or he is, l should say, your
/ honor" the policeman explained, II
wasn't his bed. You see, Mr.. Gerald
I Havenoan came home and found this man
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

T7HERE are times 1 suppose, when
all of US are filled with envy of
- Adam, before Eve was created,
because he had the world TO himself.
There was nobody to interfere with him.
Nobody to contradict him. No one with
whose ways he had to put up, and life
with him must have been one glad, sweet
song Of untrammeled freedom, such as We
may never know.
OF course. this mood doesn't last. We
are bound to haYe companions, II for
nothing else but to have some one to com
plain to. but there is no denying that
most of the burdens of existence are laid
upon us unnee essarily, unwillingly and
unconsciOusly by the people with whom
we live.
with them by the discomforts that we
make them suffer by our peculiarities, but
there are few more pathetic things in
the world than to think that most of us
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

a terrible thing. / have it myself. Dis
charged
gan to protest But Magistrate Murphy
waved him away. Next case, he shout
ed abruptly. and yawned again as CaseH
led a ran thin man, clad in a clerical
looking garb, up to the rail.
'sPeddling without license, said Mag
istrate Murphy as he looked at the papers
i'm the case. what have you got to say?
IN outrageous charge, you honor"
reOlied the tall. thin man. Il never PED
die. / admit l was selling something, but
only as a boon to mankind. A wonderful
medicine One teaspOonful before meas
Vii cure the worst case of dyspepsia
known. Rub little on a wart before re-
firing and, upon awakening in the morn
ING YOU will be wartless. 1t removes
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

As matter of fact, we are absolutely
merciless about boring people, yet being
talked 10 death is one of the most ex-
Quisite forms of torture in the world.
That doesn't concern us. or raise one
throb of pity in our breasts. If we wait
to talk about ourselves, We simply con-
verse about ourselves, and it is up 10
the other party to defend himself II be
can.
These are merely elemental suggestions
for easing the situation for those with
whom we live Nobody win adopt them;
but the people with whom we have to live
deserve our heartfelt sympathy, just as we
have a right to theirs. It is hard on US
both. and vet as multitude of people
may pass freely to and fro in narrow
street if every one would only keep to the
right so might we live our lives with
freedom and safety and comfort II every
one would only respect the right and
privilege of the people with whom they
live
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

hope you'll do so. Your faithful an
admirin' friend, HAM,
"'Is he in the next room% p. J. asts
the turnkey.
yes, yur Iordship, says the fun
key.
Then tell him 1 say he's bareface
imposfOr. an kick him down the stairs,
saws P. ]. Kick him hard, too
AN that's what they done, but Wnen
they come back an told p. J. what the
party had said about him when he got
to the bottom flight of stairs, z. j.
says, why, doggone my cats, If Il
wasn't my dear ole friend, Hank, after
ANU
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
The Greater the Truth Greater the Libel
Proving That Our Friends Are Often Our Enemies

wheel: your feet's too big an you're
too blame awkward. Good enough for
YOU! You ought to have better sense
than to try to scrap with sam PITY
he didn't black both eyes, std o the
one. ANY fool might have known that
that limb was rotten. l reckon you II
b'iieve me another time
p. J. Decides to Co to the City.
when they got older, Hank still
KEEP on bein' a friend to p. J. He tole
him that his haid was too thick for him
TO make a success at anythin but driV-
In dray or BLOWN the bellers for a
blacksmith. an when P. J. talked about
gsin' to the city he tried to get him to
see that the city folks I'D eat him up.
'Fust place, you haint smart
enough. P. j., he says. You don {
never lie to anybuddy but what they
find il out. You're Ornery enough for
fust-cIass liar, but you hain't got
the ermaginatiOn. Another thing, you
lest look like a hayseed an YOU hahn
got manners ner edgercation. ]
wouldn't tell you that he says, If you
wasn't friend of mine
Il expreciate your kindness, Hank,
says p. j.
you're welcome. says Hank. II
YOU 0n.X spoke SIdilliudlitdi, II uG "
somethin'.' he says. but you talk
worser'n Ole Sap. No, stree, If Teller
goes to the city to work, he's got to
have glimmerin's of sense an fingers
at amt al thumbs. He's got to be
slick an smooth an move around
'thout a sharp stick behind him. What
d'you 'spose a red-haided, handy
Jagged gorilla like you 'ud do in the
city? No, p J., you stay where the
folks is used to your face. Take a
friends advice, P. J..
He Soon Branched Out.
But P. ]. didn't He packed his
cyarpet sack one day, an lit out for
the city. First off. he got a job driv-
in Gray. The mex thing, he saved his
money an bought dray Tor himself,
Inside of five years Teller come back
with the news that P. j. had branched
out into the bus an baggage transfer
line in partners with another Teller
an was maxim money hand over fist
A fool for luck says Hank, when
he heard about it.
He amt got the reputation OF
bein' a fool, says the Teller at brung
the news
THE folks there don't know him
like / do says Hank. Him an me
has been intmit friends for nigh on tc
twenty years, an I say he amt got
sense to pound sand. IF he's got on
it's luck done it, not judgment. What's
more, P. J. is crooked. says he. I AIM
sayin it to baekbite him. he says
I'm jest a Stain fac's. He's a friend
O. mine, an if I could say anything
good o. him. I'd be right glad tc
do it
| That's got back to p j. and it tick.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
We Don't Know Any Better.

Not many of us are consciously human
hogs-we are simply swine without know
ing Il, bent on getting the best of every
thing for ourselves, and doing as we
please without reference to anybody else's
pleasure or comfort
The man at the theater, for instance,
who makes a whole Inns of women get
up twice between every act to let him
get out and get a drink. who muses.
up their pretty froeks by crowdins by
them and tramples over their feet
doesn't consider himself brute Neither
does the musical gentleman who huns
the score OF the opera in your ear so
that you can't hear the singers on the
stage
No more does the intelligent lady who
Opines nobody but herself has sense
enough to understand the plot of the
play, and who explains the situations in
loud and audible voice to everyone
within radius of six seats. think OF
herself as an educated pig. Neither
does the woman who meets a FREUD in
the aisle after the play is over and the
audience rushing for cars, and VINO blocks
the procession while she explains Why
her cook left. and gives a cireuinsan-
tial account of the baby's teething-
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
FAIRLY CAUGHT.

A college professor who was always
readv for a Joke was asked by student
one day if he would like a good recipe
for catching rabbits. why, yes re-
piled the professor. What is 1t?
..Weli," said the student, you crouch
down behind a thick stone wall and
make a noise like turnip.'
'"That may be- said the professor
with twinkle in his eye, hut a better
way than that would be ror you to go
and sit quietly in a bed of cabbage
heads and look aturaL'-Ladies' Home
Journal
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

s,Iperfluous hair, cures toothache, is good
for a cold and
.Aw-aw-ahi" yawned Casey ~
.sFe-e-aw- yawned the court. us
that all?"
zone moment, your honor" said the
prisoner as he noticed the yawns, the dun
gaze and the listleSs attitude OF MS
honor: 1T works like magic When taken
as a tonic ..--,-,,-, -,
SPRING FEVER VANISFIES IN
AN HOUR
"Heyl What's that?'' exclaimed Magls-
trate Murphy and Casey in unison
of snring fever. one spoonful of this
marvellous remedy would put life IN an
Fgvptian mummy, continued the TAT
thin man 1T makes You forget your
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
offense Of Interference.

Then there is the interference. II /
were making the laws, l would head the
list of criminal Offenses, punishable win
SOLITARY confinement for life. with inter
ference and 1 should like an awfu' eA-
ample OF the individual VINO can never
see anybody doing anything without put
ting in with a few suggestions, ana q
bunch of advice Not many of US would
eseaDe on this count but it would leave
things mighty calm and pleasant for the
few survivors.
In all good truth, isn't 1t strange that
we don't realize how obnoxious we make
ourselves by not letting people atend
to their cWu business AMI raise their
own children, ana run their own houses
in their own way?
Occasionally We grant this great and
precious privilege to strangers, Dut ti.e
neonla with wnom we have to live-ous
fathers and mothers and husbands ana
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

a RE you fat?
y Roll
4 II Are you weak?
Roll,
Do you want to become beautiful?
Roll,
as a matter of fact. | attribute most of
my success in taking away superfluous
flesh and my muscular development TO
rolling" And it is a very simple thing
to do For years I have practiced il, and
l consider it almost as good an exercise
as swimming
Here Is How it's Done.
Here is the way it is done: Attire
yourself in some sort of light clothing. a
kimono or any sort of loose wrap. Then
lie flat on your back, on the floor The
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10

exist as kind of social mustard plasters
whose chief mission in life seems to be
10 irritate and raise blister on our fellow
creatures.
This being the case, it does look as
il we might enter into some sort of a
mutual protective organization in which
We would agree TO keep off Of other
peoples grass if they would keep off of
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-04-10
TIE KELLERMANN.

BY ANNETTE KELLERMANN.
There was a young lady from Platte
who was most dIstresSingly fatj
She rolled on the floor
And though she grew sore
She also grew thin "A Stat.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28
SOON TO LOSE THE COMET
In Ten Days It Will Have Lost the
Most of Its Brightness

Most OF It's Brightness
Chicago, Jan. 2S.-In ten days
Comet A Of 1910" will have lost
nine-tenths of its brightness and a
little later it will again vanish into
the depths of space, perhaps to be
seen never more from the earth.
This announcement was made by
prof Edwin b. Frost, director of the
Yerkes Observatory at Williams Bay
Wis. It is based on a computation
of the new comets orbit received by
cable from Germany.
we got another good view OF the
comet" said the professor, "it is too
had that Chicago is continually dis
appointed by the cloudiness of the
sky. We get a few photographs OF
IT'S spectrum but the moonlight was
so strong they were not all that could
be desired.
"They show, however, that as the
comet speeds away from the sun II
is undergoing certain changes. me
orbit computed in Germany showed
that the comet. reached its perihellon
the point nearest the sun-over a
week ago. 1t was then only S,5OO,OOo
miles from the sun This is not the
nearest approach that comets nave
made to the solar center, but II Is
near"
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28

many people think it is, this fraudu-
lent marriage contract is doubtless to
be credited with a good measure Of
responsibility for that fact PROBES
sor Thomas would have hard time
proving that women fall behind men
in "contractual morality as long as
this imposture is practiced by the
male state upon its women.
Those who believe that women
ought to be free human beings can
find no better point at which to at
tack her seryile condition than this
contemplate and shabby fraud of the
marriage contract In the interest
of both seX-morality and "contractu-
al morality" visible and honest
marriage contract is necessary
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28
Sex and "contractuaI Morality

In his book on Sex and Society"
Professor Thomas has reached the
conclusion that women are lacking in
"contraetual morality" He says that
woman with the help of time and
John Stuart Mill, has done nobly;
very much better than could be ex-
pected, in fact She is gradually free
ing herself from the bondage in
which man has held her and is out
growing her slave stunts. cxlyM-f
growing her slave traits at an aston
Using rate; but one thing she lacks
contractual morality" Mr. Thomas
does not positively say that men are
gifted with this noble quality, but the
sanguine reader is allowed to infer
that they are.
Prof Thomas has dealt even gen
erously with woman in his book but
| in this matter of "contractual NOR
atty heahas introduced an almost
poignant question. and then left it in
a state of narrowing suspense. Per
haps | shall be able TO say some
! things that will have a bearing OF
that question.
"Contractual morality" probably
means sense of the obligations in
Cured in acts and situations that arr
of bargaining character and homes
! ~ in keeping those obligations o
course, an understanding of relations
of any kind must come through eS
lperience. Contractual experience 4
not limited to the signing of con
tracts but conduct in the minor al
fairs of give-and-take nature vii
tend to be decided by the definit
rule laid down in the larger affairs.
| Woman has never, until the las
generation or so, been allowed to Ell
ter into contracts, if we except tn
contract of marriage, and in this he
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28
KuIPs FOR WOMEN


Are women responsible for the pre-
sent high prices Of fOOd2 F. p. Rip
ley, railroad magnate. says so. and
he ought to know. How grateful
women should be that they are per
mitted 20 live in these days Of great
calculation, This period OF spell
bindery needs the accompanying
scapegOat- namely-Woman outlaw
The times are certainly epoch max
ing when chivalrous man with one
rude wrench tears away our uadit-
ional veil of mystery" and finds US
out" and tells on US" too, with the
eager dispatch OF the ordinary freck-
led nosed school urchin.
Even so has our brother F. p.
Ripley, president of the AtchisOn, To
peka and Santa Fe railroad (assisted
by the highly developed brand of dis
cernment peculiar to his station and
seX) found out that the present high
prices of food are due to the extrava
gance of the American women who
are wives of American wOrkingmen.
From his assertion one would nat
Olous wives of working men would
refrain from the pernicious and fir.
tatiOus pastime of trihing with the
seductive and INSCRIPTIONS garbage
can, that happy homes" for the hith.
erto deceived and unsuspecting work
ing man would sprout up all about
us as free as asparagus shoots in a
May garden.
We should congratulate ourselves
that there is one standby that our
wanton indiscretions with the gar
bage can has not shocked into the
dangers Of an immediate balloon as
cension, and that is the faithful old
bean, the JOY and main stay of the in
habitants of the Great American Pie
Belt
1t is about the only food thai
stands pat in price and nourish
ment and We are glad to get it in iti
unadorned dress commonly called
"a bag" Notwithstanding Brother
Ripley who says we will pay tire,
or four times as much for foods don,
up in fancy packages as for the sam,
| foods without frills. He should hav
said I'VE were in many instances
forced to pay three or four times a
much for food in fancy packages, be
ing unable TO find the same food Il
a palmer and more substantial wraI
ping.
1t is well to know how we are "sii
ed up by some of the other sex, S
here is another brother" Prof Tho
mas. who says in his book Sex an
Society that women are lacking /
contractual morality. You see lac
of morality" in our little deal wit
the garbage can makes it only a ma
ter of consistency that we shout
lack morality in any other old kin
of deal-so we have been caught a
It" again and as before-"told on.
The objectionable offense of nc
possessing 'contractual morality" ha
been wisely considered by Ida Pare
in a recent article published in TIL
Progressive Woman-Klipper.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28

Have only one dOctOr-iuSt onel No
sense in running from one doctor TO
anotherl Select the best one, then
stand by him. No sense in trying this
thing, that thing, for your cough. Care
fully, deliberately select the best cough
medicine. then take il. Stick TO il.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1910-01-28

Dividend July list, 1909, was at the rate OF
per cent per annum.
Dividends are declared twice year. viz: a
of the first days Of January and July, accord
ing to law.
All dividends not withdrawn will be added 70
the principal and draw interest as new deposits,
whether bank book is presented or not.
Deposits made on or before the fifth day Of
any month draw interest from the first day Of
that month.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1910-07-08
here in a short tine is assured by the
preparations they are making.

here in a short tine is assured by the
preparations they are making.
Mr.. George Kleppisch who will
have charge of the Westinghouse,
Church, Kerr & Co., contracts is on
the grounds to receive and look after
machinery and material that is being
shipped in. Several carloads of
machinery, picks, shovels, etc, and
$4,000 feet of lumber have already
arrived. The lumber is TO be used
in building cement sheds. tool sheds
etc, and they will be erected as soon
as men can be employed to do the
work. 1t will be next loimpossible
for the company to secure men until
harvest is over as they are all at
tracted TO the harvest field by big
wages. Edgar Carver has been en-
ployed by Mr.. Kieppisch as time
keeper and arrangements have been
made to cash a pay roll of $4,000 per
week at the start.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1910-07-08
A Golden Wedding.

Frank Houska, age so, and Mrs.
Anna Houska, age 70, celebrated
their golden wedding June 10, 1910,
at their home on Blood Creek. Out
OF eight children all we're present but
three. They celebrated their we'd
ding with 16gallon keg of beer, 6
cases Of pop, 4 gallon Of ice cream,
oranges, bananas, candy and nuts,
besides they furnished a grand din.
ner just for relatives. They received
as gifts $40 in gold, table cloth,
dress, lounge cover, shit and necktie
Both are enjoying good health-ClaAiu
Clarion.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1910-07-08

A failing tiny nerve-no larger than
the finest silken thread-takes from
the heart its impulse, its power, its
regularity. The stomach also has its
hidden or inside nerve. 1t was DR..
ShOop who first told US twas wrong
to drug a weak or failing stomach,
heart or kidneys. His prescription
DR.. Shops Restorative-is directed
straight for the cause Of the ailments
NEhesa weak and faltering inside
nerves. This no doubt clearly ex-
plains why Nhe Restorative has Of
bate grown so rapidly in popularity
Druggists say that those who test
the Restorative, even for a few days
soon become fully convinced Of its
wonderful merit. Anyway, don't drug
the organ. Treating the cause Of sic
ness is the only sensible and sue
ceasful way. Sold by Hooper Drug
Co.
Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1910-07-08
HOISINGTON.
From The Dispatch.

Ray Boiselle is here from Mis-
souri, where he has been working
with surveying gang.
Mrs. Lee KrebS and children are
here from Ellsworth visiting her
mother, Mrs. Bruce Jones and fami-
ly.
Mrs. c. R. Taft and son came
down from Scott City last week to
visit her folks.
E. H. Heath left last night for
Marietta, Ohio, to be gone about ten
days settling up his brother-in-law's
estate.
Joe Oliverius is suffering from
several burns caused from a gasoline
explosion while cleaning clothes. Joe
has been cleaning clothes for e
years and says it is the first accident
he ever had.
Chas. Howard and family have re.
turned to Barton county to make
their future home after spending ;
year in Texas.