Bridgeton pioneer., 1910-07-28
ACall For Help
BY CHAUNCEY wARDWEu
Copyright. 1910. by American Press
Association.

DAS Va lnS waiter WHO naQ aCCenQeQ
him at breakfast
NO. sir; Mr.. Goodspeed 'asn't been
hin the club this mornin, sir. ANY.
way, l 'aven't seen i'm, sir. l don't
think Ell be ere again very soon, SIR
why not?"
Il card the chairman hov the 'ouse
committee sayin to Mr.. Hedwards that
arter the scandal Mr.. Goodspeed ort to
be suspended. sir''
Scandal? What scandals?
what 'appened between i'm and
Mrs. Krinkle"
"What did happenY
why, sir, Mr.. Goodspeed as is
rooms at the st. Dominick Well, e
was hin is sleepin' room the other
mornin', 'avin' shaved and dressed
and was just goin' downstairs when e
'eard voice. There's another room
adjoinin' is bedroom that 'e doesn't oc
cupy 'imself, with a door between the
two. This door was locked. but Mr.
Goodspeed could ear the voice comm
through hit, and the voice was famil-
lar to i'm, sir. Hit was a very pleas
ant voice, sir"
well, what did it sayY
Hit said. oh. Tom clear, if only
'ad you 'ere!' You Vow Mr. Good
speeds first name is Thomas. sir
I've seen hit hoften on the list hov
members-Thomas C. Goodspeed. So
e knew the voice referred to 'imself."
"Was there no other reasonY'
eyes, sir; e recognized the voice. Hit
was that ho- 'er as 'ad been Mrs. Good
speed. They 'ad been divorced some
years before. and Mrs. Goodspeed 'ad
married Mr. Krinkle."
"Wen, go on
"Mr. Goodspeed, sir, forgettin' as 'ow
'e wasn't married to the lady, but she
was the wife how another man. walks
out into the all and hopens the door hov
the room where the voice came from
Mrs. Krinkle was a-standin' with 'er
back turned from i'm, 'er dress un'ook-
ed. e hentered without maxim hany
noise, and. gettin' down on lis knee. e
begun to 'ook hup 'er dress be'ind.
"'Is that you, 'Oward? she said
'Ow did you 'appen to be on and when
wanted you? You are the most hin
considerate man l hever 'eard how
When you are ere to button my dress
you can't find either the ooks or the
heyes. You're much more apt to pu'
the 'ook in the lace. You've ruined
'alf dozen dresses for me already
My poor dear Tom. whom treat ed So
badly, would never ave been so stu
pid. Tom 'ad both brains and a good
disposition. You 'aven't either. ! ave
rued givin' i'm hup for you hever
since sent i'm away
"Mr. Goodspeed didn't say anything;
'e just went on feelin for the looks
and lookin' for the heyes. never swear,
in or anything when he couldn't find
'em and provin' what the lady said
that e ad a first class disposition.
That's what l call a model husband.
SRA man as can 'ook hup is wife's
dress and never break none hov the
Ten Commandments a-doin' hit"
go on. don't care to hear about
man angels, not being one myself"
well, sir. when the job was finish
ed. without even 'ookin' a single 'ook
on the wrong heye, Mrs. Krinkle turn
ed and, SEEM 'er former 'usband on
lis knee before 'er. raised 'er 'ands to
'eaven and exclaimed:
"'My goodness graciousv
"Mr. Goodspeed e looks hup with
just such heyes as a man would nat,
urally ave who could 'ook hup wo-
mans dress without swearin', and e
says:
"'H'm. my dear. you wanted me
mighty bad. didn't you?'
"''Ow did you know I wanted you
to 'ook my dress?' she asked.
"'When | ear any woman a-cryin'
for 'elp in 'er dressin' room / know
that's what she wants-some one to
do that. Besides. I'd 'eard you call
on me for that hoften.'
"'Oh. Tom. when l let you go
didn't know 'Ow dependent I was on
you. l can never get another man to
'ook my dress as you do hit
"'And | didn't know the force hos
'abit. When l go to breakfast hin the
mornin' without 'avin' looked hup
dress l can't eat anythink. Hits like
not 'avin' 'ad a cocktail that ones used
to-
For 'eaven's sake. Tom, what arr
we thinkin' hov? Supposin' hanybody
should 'appen to come him
with that the door hopened, and hin
walks Mr. Krinkle
What are you doin' hin my wife's
BEDROOM arsked Mr.. Krinkle.
"'A-doin' what you never did with.
out maxim a mess hov hit put il
Mrs. Krinkle. ''Ow do you hexpect In.
goin' to get out hov this room without
some one TO 'elp me?'
I'm your lawful 'usband.' expos
tulated Mr.. Krinkle.
I'D rather ave my unlawful u
band cried the lady. than a man n
don't know 'ow to put a 'ook in az
heye without gettin' hit hinto tl,~
wrong place
"'Leave the room, sirp cried Nj
Krinkle to Mr.. Goodspeed.