davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
CONVINCING.

This palpitating age calls for men
who have convictions" declared the
orator in the park. Where, I ask,
shall we find them?"
TN prison." called out a man in the
crowd.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
UNFORTUNATE.

well, how did you get on with the
boss when you asked for your raise?"
'Splendidly at first, but just as was
going to mention 1t I drew out my
handkerchief and two champagne
corks fell OUT
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
THE DIFFERENCE.

The DIFFERENCE.
New Housemaid-Who was that ele-
CANT looking young lady. cook. that
met coming in?
Cook-That was my sister; been to
call on me.
N. Hand that stylish lady In blue
silk?
C.-The laundress.
N. H.-Then who was the plain wo.
man in black?
C.-The missus.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
IN DOUBT.

Employer-And was your last master
satisfied with you?
New Hand-Well, he said he was
very pleased when I left.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
DOMESTIC GAS SAVER.
SHE KNEW HIM.

your husband has the faith to move
a mountain" said the visiting minister.
"Bosh!' replied the wife. He hasn't
enough faith to get out of bed of cold
morning and fetch in the milk"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
MADE HIM BLUSH,

Magistrate (about to commit for
triaD-You certainly effected the rob-
berry in a remarkably ingenious way
in fact, with quite exceptional cum
ming.
Prisoner (deprecatingly) - No flat
terry, yer honor-no fattery, I begs on
yer.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
What Was on His
Mind.

Mind.
Scottish Bache-
lor--Will We haze
some tea?
The Visitor-Oh,
please don't trou-
BILE.
Bachelor - It's
no the trouble, it's
just the expense.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06

Most Approved.
Lady in Box =
Can you look over
my shoulder?
Man From Coun-
try-I've just been
looking over both
of EN-. an, by
Jove, they're all
right.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-09-06
TIT FOR TAT.

you're so conceited, Connie, that I
believe when you get into heaven the
first question you'll ask will be, Are
my wings on straight?
Connie-Yes, DEAR and shall be
sorry that you won't be there to tell
me.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
OUR POOR LITTLE EARTH.
A Mere speek Compared With Some
of the Monster Suns.

A Mere Speck Compared With Some
of the Monster Suns.
The main facts of astronomy are
highly interesting. 1t is only dry text
books that have made US turn away
from them. Read a good popular as
tronomy and you will gain a dim, re-
mote idea of ininity and eternity.
Sometimes you think you see big
star, but you do not. You merely see
the light from it which has been $500
years in reaching u.s.
Almost everybody knows that our
earth Is third rate planet in our
solar system. Jupiter would scarcely
condescend to notice US. But they do
not know that our sun itself sits be-
low the salt. 1t would not be admit
ted to a congregation of important
heavenly bodies. Campus, the lar
gest star that we see, is 10000 times
the size of our sun, and our solar cen
ter is hopelessly outclassed by Aide
baran. Rigel, Sirius. Betelguese and
countless others.
Mark Twain put this fact very well
in one of his stories, Captain Storm
fields Visit to Heaven" When the
captain arrived and announced that he
was from the earth the recording an
gels could not remember ever having
heard of such a place before. One
finally recalled that it was a poor lit
tie planet belonging to poor little
solar system away down in dark cor
ner of the heavens.-New York World.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22

ering type of professor. A number Of
tnem are translated here as being of
considerable interest In the history of
numor and especially Of college hu-
NOR:
A professor, wishing to swim. was
nearly drowned, whereupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim.
OF twin brothers, one died. A pro-
lessor thereupon, meeting the sur
vivor, asked, "Is it you that died or
your brother"
A professor, learning that a raven
would live for more than 200 years.
bought one to test the matter.
A professor, wishing to cross a river.
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get over
in a hurry.
A professor, looking out of the win
dow of house which he had bought,
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him.
A professor, meeting another pro
lessor, said, Il heard you were dead. !"
And yet" replied the other, "you see
that / am still alive" We'll" said
the first in perplexity. 81 don't know
what to believe, for the man who told
me about it is a much more truthful
man than your
A professor. in danger of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that he
might make his will Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate. he
said, 'Do not grieve, for am going to
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he~hati
troddeR aaRsnaii ana that the wound
panied him. On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor, having
learned the cause, remarked, at served
you right, for why do you sleep with
out sandalsY"
A professor, meeting a doctor, hid
himself behind wall. Some one ask
ing the cause, he answered, 81 have
not been sick for so long a time 1 am
ashamed to come into the sight of a
physician"
A professor, wishing to teach his
horse to be small eater, gave him no
food at all. At length, the horse hav-
ing starved to death. the professor ex-
claimed, 81 have suffered a great loss,
fol. Just as he had learned not to eat no
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22

Self laudation abounds among the
unpublished. but nothing can stamp a
man more sharply as III bred. X
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
HUMOROF THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES

The AbsentmInded Professor Was .
Prolific Source of Merriment to the
testers Of Those Days-The Source
Of Many Modern Jokes.
The maxim that there is nothing
new under the sun applies, it would
seem. more truly to jokes and witt
cisms than to anything else. The chief
differences between the jests of one
generation and that Of another lie
mainly In their form. The kernel lie
practically the same. Nevertheless it
IL interesting to exhume some of these
ancient jokes and to recognize in them
the ancestors Of the things at which
we laugh today in the pages Of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writer's dearly love
TO make fun Of the absentminded, un-
practical university professor, who
outside of his own subject let's his
wits wander and is very slow to grasp
anything In ordinary life. Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
by The students and graduates of the
great universities in ancient Greece.
for 1t is q mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown to the ancients.
AZ matter of fact, the student at
the University Of Athens or at the
University Of Alexandria was very
much the same sort Of mortal as is
the student today, and his professors
were not so very different.
A witty Greek named Hierocles, a
graduate Of Alexandria, collected some
time in the fifth century volume Of
Jests which were current among the
students. with regard to the .woolgatb-
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
BEANS IN BOSTON.
The Millions of Quarts That Are An.
nually Baked and Eaten.

nuaily Baked and Eaten.
Boston baked beans are known
around the globe. In the city of Bos-
ton alone about 100000 quarts OF
baked beans are devoured annually. to
say nothing of the pork that goes with
them and the brown bread that is also
served. There are factories or baker
les which handle nothing but baked
beans from one years end to the other.
One OF the largest of these, which sup
plies restaurants wholly, bakes 1900
quarts of beans a week. Other baker,
les also furnish brown bread, while
nearly every bakeshop that makes
bread, pastry and pies also bakes
beans several times a week. There
are bakeries with ovens that will hold
1000 quarts each.
The preparation and baking Of beans
are interesting operations. In estab-
lshments where beans only are baked
1t is done on a huge scale. There are
great kettles that hold two or three
bushels of beans, and into these the
beans are put to soak and parboil.
Then the pots of earthenware, varying
in size from one quart to two gallons,
are ranged around on tables and filed
from the big kettles. Every quart of
beans is carefully picked over and
sorted and cleaned Of all dirt and dead
beans before being put into the kettles.
The ovens are huge brick affairs, glow
ing red with heat. Experts consider
that beans cannot be properly cooked
except In brick oven. Some of the
ovens hold 1000 quarts each. Filled
with the loaded pots, they present a
sight worth beholding. So hot are the
ovens that long handled fiat shovels
are used to push the pots in and take
them out.-New York Tribune.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22

CHART SHOWING DIVISIONS OF BEEF
beef finely chopped will leave the
stomach in from two and one-half to
three hours, while meat cooked after
the common method will require from
two to three hours longer. When meat
Is properly cooked the muscle tibers
win be softened and the connective
tissue and albumen will be only
slightly hardened. Boiling meat tough
ems the muscle fibers and hardens the
albumen. In this. then. lies the secret
Of the proper cooking of any kind of
meat. 1t should always be accom-
plished with moderate temperature.
below boiling point for stews. fricas-
sees, pot roast. etc.
One fact should ever be kept in mind
when buying meat and preparing it for
the table. This is that it is not neces-
sarily the most expensive cuts of
meats which are either the best fla
vored or most nutritious 1t is a mis-
take. common to both experienced and
inexperienced cooks. to suppose that
when a really delicious piece Of meat
is desired it must be cut from the por-
terhouse or sirloin. To be sure, In
many minds. there is no meat quite so
appetizing as porterhouse steak. but
even that expensive and naturally
toothsome cut can be absolutely spoil
ed In the cooking. Equally true is 1t
that piece cut from the shoulder or
the flank can be prepared and cooked
In such a way that 1t will be dish
for the gods and will be relished by
even the epicure who usually casts
his vote In favor of "T" bone and ten
derloin steaks.
Different Cuts of Meat.
A practical knowledge OF the usual
method Of cutting beef. also of the
length and structure of the muscle
dbers, is almost necessary in order to
insure getting the best pieces of meat
and to determine how they should be
cooked. BY the best pieces one gen.
orally means those pieces having the
least bone and the tenderest. juiciest
meat. The woman who seldom If ever
visits the meat market. who invariably
gives her meat orders by telephone. is
not as likely to get choice roast or a
particularly good steak as Is the wo-
man who. knowing where these cuts |
are located, goes to the market and
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
ME sanure food 1avz,, !. de.;rr

The s'pure food law is designed by
the Government to protect the public from
injurious Ingredients In both foods and
drugs. 1t is beneficial both to the public
and to the conscientious manufacturer.
Ely's Cream Balm, succussful remedy
for cold in the head, nasal catarrh, hay
fever, etc, containing no injurious drugs,
meets fully the requirements of the new
law, and that fact is prominently stated
on every package. 1t contains none OF
the injurious drugs which are required by
the law to be mentioned on the label.
Hence you can use it safely.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
diedi,'

died!o
A professor. visiting a sick person
inquired about his health. The invalid
however. was not able to reply. There.
upon the professor, being angry and
scolding the man, said, 81 hope that ]
shall be sick some of these days, and
then when you come to ask how 1 am
l will not answer"
A professor sealed up a vessel of
wine which he had bought. His serv.
ant having made hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn of some Of the
wine, the professor was astonished to
see the contents diminished while the
seals remained unbroken. A neighbor
having told him to look whether 1t had
not been taken out from below, he re-
piled, "Why. you fool, it's the upper
part of the wine and not the lower
that is missingr'
A professor, bald man and bar
Der travelling together agreed to keep
watch in turn four hours, each while
the others slept. The BARRIERS turn
came first. He quietly shaved the
head of the sleeping professor and
when the time elapsed awoke him
The latter, scratching his head as he
got up and finding 1t bare, cried out
What rascal that barber is! He's
walked the bald man instead of mer'-
Exchange.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
What-Fhey Were Hawkino.

At an exhibition of paintings in Lon
don in one of the galleries hung the
notable picture Hawking In the Old.
en- Times" An elderly farmer and hi
wife paused before this picture, view
ing 1t with evident satisfaction.
JOHN said the old lady, whats
that?'
John then turned over the leaves of
the catalogue he carried.
"They ca it Hawking L tn Owden
Time,'" said he.
Hawking! Why. what are they
hawking" she inquired.
Il dunno" he r, ed. ''but spect
thew re irving to SCI tham hir6e >,
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
EXECUTORS NOTICE.
ESTATE OLE THOMAS r nENNrss

Notice is hereby given that an order has
been made by the Surrogate of the County
of Burlington, bearing date on the Both day
Of December, A. d. 1909. upon the application
subscribers, requiring the creditors of Thomas
B. Denness, deceased, to bring in their claims
against the estate of said decedent, under
oath or affirmation. on or before September
30, 1910, or they will he debarred of any action
therefor against the said executors.
HARRY l.. WALTERS,
ECKARD p. BUDD.
December 30, 1903. Executors.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
Home Course
In Domestic
Science
W.-Cuts of Meat and
How to Cook Them.
By EDITH G. CHARLTON,
In Charge Of Domestic Economy Iowa
State College.
Copyright. 1910. by American Press
Association.

MNEAT is one Of the chief tissue
IV building foods. 1t is also one
11 Of the foods most commonly
found on the average table.
No matter how high the price scars, it
IL demanded at least once day as the
principal dish in the bill Of fare Of the
average American family. Until re-
cent years 1t was considered almost
essential to life and was the last food
to be sacrificed If change In the diet
was recommended for reasons Of
health At the present time people
are gradually finding out that meat is
not a necessity In any bill of fare.
They are learning there are other
foods which contain quite as much of
the tissue building properties, and
cheese, beans, eggs and nuts are sub
stituted for the meat dish. Still, beef,
lamb. pork, fish, poultry and game
continue to be favorite foods in many
homes, and one or more Of the number
is prepared for the table every day.
Universally used as it is, meat Of all
kinds is the food most often spoiled in
the cooking, or, to make the state
ment little more specific, it is the
food material In which the scientific
principles Of cooking should be and are
not most carefully observed.
Composition of Meat.
Meat is composed of bundles of
muscle fbers bound together by a
.filmy substance called connective It's
sue. There are also In all kinds OF
meat more or less fat. water and min
eral matter. besides the bone, sinew,
blood and skin. Albumen. a substance
similar to the white of egg, is found
In the blood and muscle, and this is
the principal proteid Of meat The ex-
tract1ve. or the favor Of meat, is also
one Of Its valuable properties. 1t is the
extractfves which give some kinds of
meat. beef especially, a stimulating
value. and they also aid in the diges-
ton Of the muscle fibers. The amount
Of tissue building material. or proteid
averages from 10 to 20 per cent in diff
ferent kinds Of meat. and the fat va.
ries considerably. from 6 to 80 pei
cent, according to the animal and the
cut. Uncooked meat contains a large
amount Of water. usually more than so
per cent.
Meat Is cooked to make it more pala-
table. to develop its favor and to kill
any germs which it may contain. Un-
less very carefully done cooking meat
makes it less easy of digestion. Raw
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22

Prince Bismarck once boosted tina
In his youth he drank a bottle of cham
payne at one draft from a puzzle
goblet so constructed that one could
not bring it close to ones lips, yet one
was not all wed to spill drop. Not
a single drop fell ON my walstcoat
Every one was immensely surprised
but | said, Give me another Such
tricks were formerly an Indispensable
part OF the diplomats trade. They
drank the weaker vessels under the
table, wormed all they wanted to know
out of them and made them agree I
things contrary to their instructions
When they got sober they could mo-
imagine VIII they had acted So"
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
A Mechanical Ans>uar

The well to do patron of the place
had been attentive to the cashier for
some time, and now, business being
slack for few moments, he deemed
the time propitious to speak.
IF you will be mine," he urged as he
leaned over the desk, "every comfort
that you may desire will be yours.
True, | am no longer young, but have
money, and I can provide for you as
few young men could, and surely the
material side Of the marriage question
is worthy Of some consideration"
She said nothing, but gently touched
the cash register, and the words NO
Sale" sprang into view.
With sigh he left. Chicago Post.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
Legal Advice.

Prisoner" said the justice. "you are
charged with having struck the de-
PENDANT"
Eyes, Judge; poked him, but he
called me liar"
That's ne excuse"
well, judge. 1t was my first expert
ence What do you do In such casesY'
Judges Library.
The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1910-02-22
How t. get a Razor free

Subscribe for The Mount Holly
News, one year for $lOO and get Razor
If you are already subscriber pay
your back subscription and one year in
advance and get Razor.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1910-10-28

The f,ossef nsn18st - ~ me paf.
refe ~ snenufseinf psssssaais
spirit" snd every roa1 eiifsn shaali
eofnmeniesfs wlih ihs eammiilse.
The fsdles Ald Society N me IRE.
hyiefisn ehufeb snn1unees inst nsi.
ioween party rill BE- eiven ~ the rest
demos n bf . q. Watt, on nest monday
evening. oct a. 40 sdmission To- ~
~ cents viii be charged. Refreshments
free. A program n fun and ffoiie Il
being prepared Tor the young people.
The public IL cofdlsiiy ihvited 70 attend.
Hon. ". =. Harrison, nominee Tor ron.
Rress from the Sixth district, spent
several days In the city attending cir.
cult court Mr.. Harrison has accepted
an Invitation 10 deliver an address on
The evening " Nov 10. next, st the
annual chryssnthemum show NJ Crystai
Springs, his old home. This occasion
will be his fret appearance among his
old home people since his nomination
for the congressional seat. and the In.
vltation Is peculiarly pleasing to him
on this account.
Having put our business on strictly
cash basis we will appreciate the cash
trade Of our old friends and customers
at close prices for fresh goods.
JOHNSON Bros PascagUua, Miss
The light house tender Arbutus
brought a party OF interested investi.
gators to this port last Saturday morn.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1910-10-28
PERSONAL
MENTION


Mr.. J. Ira Ford was in Biloxi ON
Monday.
Mr.. Allen Taylor spent Wednesday in
Gulfport.
Mr.. P. II. Rodrigue spent Tuesday In
Gulfport on business.
Mr.. NJ. L.. Hamilton OF Hurley was in
the city Wednesday.
Judge Charles f. Chidsey was q
Biloxi visitor early in the week.
Mr.. A. +. Jones Of Hurley spent Mon
day in Pascagoula attending court.
| MIR. J. b. Christian is recovering from
an annoying attack Of indisposition.
Attorneys g. w. Ellis and John H..
Cook OF Lucedale attended circuit court
here this week.
Mrs. A. L. Staples was In Mobile this
week on shopping tour and while
there made the Battle House her home.
Mr.. J. J. Fletcher Of Dead Lake, mem.
Der OF the Jackson county pension
board is here this week attending court
Mrs. A. M. Winstead Of Clinton res
turned to her home on Saturday after 4
visit TO her brother, Rev. A. G. Watkins
and his family.
Gen. r. Marshall Miller, Of New Or
leans attended circuit court here Mon
day. Gen. Miller Is an old Mississippiar
at one time was attorney general Of thu
state.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1910-10-28
Mr.. David Saucier's Death.

Mr.. David Saucicr, native OF Pass
Christian, died at his late residence in
Gautier at 2 o'clock last Tuesday morn
ing. He was 80 years, 4 months and IL
days old, death coming after lingering
illness. AT the beginning OF the civil
war he enlisted In Dahlgren Guards and
served with honor and devotion until
the close OF the war. He was a member
OF Jackson County Camp No. ITO, United
Confederate Veterans. The Dahlgren
Guards were organized at Pass Chris
tian, Captain Ed. Green, and the COM
pany was assigned to the Third Mississ.
ippi infantry.
Mr.. SaucicY is survived by his wife,
three sons, three daughters and num-
Der OF grandchildren, besides a wide
family connection all along the entire
gulf coast in Hancock, Harrison and
Jackson counties. The sons are Messrs
David, Abe and Arnold Saucier, while
Mrs. w. T. Norton Of Mobile and Miss
! Cecile Saucier are daughters.
| The funeral was held at o'clock or
Tuesday afternoon from the family resi-
dence and the interment was in thu
Gautier cemetery with Rev. Father Is
O'Reilly officiating. Members OF Jack
son County Camp No. ITO met at tn
court house at o'clock on Tuesday At
ternoon and proceeded In body 4
Gautier TO attend the funeral, tbe veter
ans being in uniform.
The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1910-10-28

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~ i8fUHy
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ihf .iI H.aIt.
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fnl llffff IH r..
Wm flHH WWlH NJ W.Unf a
ths aHaff nj WH o. ~ WNnH
Sc o. lHnY ftI .hifsa
F0fo eiiIfilY IIINfH H V.bHe
So rfr w UIasNfbtm h fe
fiIfinftis Htffs ao nHEfls street
ut " NJ nHnbm 10 fmssHo.
To- ffa0t tni8g COS siflfdfY IN
ths eIfy
Mu ctMlos 81 nfa8HI n SEE.
wichl " y boo laosios tftcf bee
property
Miss ita Tu0mmlu entertained
che nclu Not Aldo tlab "Wednesday
Afternoon
Mf Ernest stewart ~ Gmfpmt
spont sunday here with hls mother,
Mfs v. u stoeaft
The many friends ~ Miss Aonlo
spann viii hu glad 90 learn that she
ID very much improved
Services az 49, Albtns Episcopal
church next sunday at l.ij D. m,
Evening PRAYER aud sermon.
bEv ions CmtMAs, Rector.
DE- aud Mrs, Thompson, after
spending several days with Mr. and
Mrs $ u Lowe, returned 10 their
home NJ Ellisylllc, Miss On Monday.