Tombstone epitaph., 1910-05-01

an interesting tribute to- e character found in every mining camp
 He lives in Tombstone. They are not all like him. Thank Heaven, he is scarce. but occasionally you find one like this:
 He has just nine claims, to-wit: the Bull Pup. the Rawhide Extension of the Gila Monster, the Rattler. the Tarantula. the Tugawala- the Howler. the Lead Pipe Cinch. the Holy Fright and the Keely Cure.
 Now this old Lizard learns after reading the columns of the Kicker laboriously in the absence of his specs" that a party of capitalists will arrive in Tombstone on a certain day and at an appointed hour, and he shines his shoes with stove polish and comes to town and crucifies them one by one.
 He has nine eight-foot holes, on these nine claims. each and every one of which is in imaculate limestone, un- tarnished by any suggestion of cop per. unaccompanied by the slightest association with iron. unsullied by the remotest relation to gold, silver. lead. tungsten. or bismuth. incompar- able in its superb isolation from the contaminating influence of any known metal.
 When he meets these polished gen tlemen, their hereditary notion of civility requires them to stand nailed to the cross while he explains, how. in the first place. that trend. contact or dyke. as the case may be, can he plainly traced from the diaphragm of the Tombstone Consolidated. right under his virtuous shack. fifty-two miles away, and how he has the same identical variety of blossom in his back yard that they have on the Elmer aid. and how. in addition to favorable indications. he is accurately astride of the mighty copper belt which starts ont in Cananea. bobs mp in the Huach- ucas, blooms forth gloriously in Bis bee. lifts its head in the lower work ings of the Tombstone Consolidated. takes an underground run to Morenci, sidesteps to Globe and ends up in the wholesale business in Jerome.
 All this time the next fellow who owns ten claims seventy-five miles away at diametrical right angles to this belt. can easily twist it around to accommodate the theory that he is squarely In the middle of it. This he can do as easily as an ostrict can swallow a souvenir spoon.
 Now this individual is dumbfounded and broken-hearted because the mighty man in the Panama hat does not break his neck, rushing out to see that property on his represen- tations.
 He is sure that if the party could only Hay eyes" on his ground. he could not make the papers out fast enough.
 At times he has a notion to. kid. nap. hog tie and conduct some mighty man of means our to that ground just knowing that he would be rewarded for his daring and fruit less deed by the cash and blessings of the kfdnapee, along with a leap year proposal from the millionaire's eldest daughter.
 But to the investor. the manner in which that poor copper belt nas been kinked and twisted and bent and shrunk and stretched by turns can only be explained on the theory of sorcery
 Had not copper been distinguished from its maleability and tensile tenac. ity, that poor little belt would have been twisted in twain a thousand times. "a sl1D
 They can trace that belt from the portals of Paradise to the hatches cf perdition, from attitudes below sea level to elevations so majestic that from their hoary summits, you could tickle the toes of the man in the moon with broom stick; from temperatures that would give a polar bear rigor mortis to localities where the D ros- pector melts and runs out of his over alls. and his only vail is 'If I could only go down."
 The fact Is. he might bore until the pent up calora of the internal regions melted the diamond in his drill bit, and until he broke surface in some Chinese tea garden on the antipodes, and he would still be in limestone. i'm macuiate. immutable, indestructable and everlasting.
 This particular variety of prospector is fading out. and his presence no longer rests like an overpowering in- cubus on the bosom of the mining in- dustry, but such of his class as re- main. are distinguished for superla- tive patience. persistence and volubil- ity coupled with a conspicuous aver sion to physical training.
 He bores and disgusts sound min ing men and Is the cause of quaran- timing more capital from our mining field than is stored up in any sub treasury in the United States.