Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-09-26

previously 1 settled down in Winton,
leaving there only when the demon of I'M
rest again got me in his grip for time.
Ihus the years went on up to 1S-,
when Harry entered Harvard. Then 1
found. and to my establishment, that the
habit OF breaking into paroxysms of fury
had become fixed. and with Harry away
had no safe vent. 1 dared not treat an
other as I had treated him; and more,
had certain pride in being regarded
as quiet man, mild and genial, except
when irritated to the limit of human en-
durance by the willfulness of my nephew
For l was willing enough in those days
to have Harry bear the brunt Of my wick
edness-Harry, who was amiable and low
able. see now. If only l could have
seen it then!
From my earliest manhood 1 had been
interested In the philosophical, the psy-
Geological. My own case became study
to me. therefore. and / calmly traced my
mania-for it was nothing less-from its
| incipiency. l was convinced that 1 could
control myself, and l made an effort.
Then l discovered a curious thing. My
dual self loved those exhibitions Of the
baser man! 1t gloried in them. And it
had gained the mastery!
"My outbursts l found. We're in the ma
ture of a seizure. There were premon-
tory symptoms. and when these appeared
| I endeavored for time to ward off the
attack by an effort Of will. But l was
as if under the control Of another, and
there were hours that l spent locked in
my study. when 1 would lash myself into
such q fury that am certain that had
any one appeared before me l should have
! killed him with pleasure.
ITO guard against such an exigency l
forbade any servant even to tap upon my
| library door when 1t was closed. If
caller came. but that was rare. he must
wait until the door were opened, or come
| again. AS l was never irritable with the
servants or townspeople. / think that
what went on behind that closed door
was never suspected.
| But. after a time, it became annoy
| ing always to have the door of my work.
| room open when / was not a maniac, and
l conceived the notion of a hidden room
to which l could retire when 1 felt mat
| my evil genius was in the ascendency.
Then came the idea of a passage to
| the gardens, where l could get air after
my attacks. For by this time my parox-
ysms of insanity had grown into periods
which could be brought to an end only
by dose of Choral (Which. fortunately,
| always had reason enough left to take)
and a sleep. from which l would awaken
with restored mind. but with body utterly
| exhausted. A walk in the air was the
and for this reason l wanted a concealed
way from the library to the gardens.
| Il made the necessary plans. therefore
and hired workmen from Boston, who
| went back and forth each day between
Winton and Lewis Junction. for I could
not risk their wagging tongues in Winton
or Beverly, even though ! had engaged
each man at quadruple his usual wages
| only upon a solemn oath that he would
keep the secret of the character of the
work. no matter what happened, through
out his life.
II directed the work and kept away
| visitors during its progress My nephew
was in Europe that summer. and l had
less difficulty in keeping my secret than
one would suppose. On one occasion.
however, some neighboring townspeople
came up to the grounds of an evening
| and for the first time before any one but
| Harry, / gave vent to q demoniacal irri-
tation. ] raved. but. fortunately, w..
mildness compared to my usual attacks
of mania. Nevertheless, l think that l
reused suspicion as to my sanity. | GER
tainly lost my reputation for being man
Of mild temper.
About that time there appeared that
J remarkable bit of fiction entitled DR.
Jekyll and Mr.. Hyde The tale appealed
TO me as nothing in fiction ever before
had done / read II over and over until
| knew 1t so nearly by heart that to this
day 1 can repeat much of 1t word for
word.
Much as my better self loathed the
character of Hyde. the dual man Of me
was fascinated by 1t. The one side of me
was Of the same kind the other side re-
garded the fact with horror.
How much of my conduct was due
is due-to the use of choral, and how
much is a psychological uitimate--as in
the case of Hyde-to yielding to my baser
nature. ] am not prepared to say, for
since began the use OF the drug / have
never been able to drop it-save for a
short period only, of which shall write