davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
HUMOR.
Some Examples of Repartee of Gel
tic Lawyers.

Some Examples of Repartee OF Gel
tic Lawyers.
The story told in these columns of
the Scottish advocate reminds a con-
tributor of a few more. A case was
being tried before the late Lord
Young-"Crabbe VS.. Crabbie."
81 may explain, my Lud,' said the
advocate, that my client Crabbe is a
nephew of our opponent Crabbie, but
a few years ago he dropped the Il
from his name for the sake Of eu-
phony."
"Ah," replied Lord Young, she has
Biblical authority for that-If thy
81" offend thee pluck it out"
The present Lord Justice General
(Lord Dunedin) was, as Mr.. Graham
Murray, pleading before Lord Young.
At the time Mr.. Graham Murray had
the largest practice at the Scottish
bar, but was also able to nix freely
and late in Edinburgh society. In the
course of an argument Mr.. Murray,
to find a metaphor, made some refer
ence to a ball he had been at the pre-
vious night, or, rather, the sane
morning.
81 cannot understand, Solicitor
General" said Lord Young, chow you
can burn the candle at both ends"
All" replied MI. Graham Murray.
Il do that to make both ends meet
Lord Ardawall, n of the Judges
Of the Court Of Session, is a man of
large proportions. One day, as Mr..
Andrew Jameson, he was pleading
before Lord Young, and the opposing
counsel %interposed with the remark
that he was not disposed t. disagree
with his friend.
"But, my Lud," said Mr.. Jameson,
the Lord Advocate and I are lot by
any means in the same boat"
= NO" said Lord Young, you will
require one entirely t, yourself"
The late Mr.. Lancaster had against
him as a witness an Irish woman who
was particularly categorical as to- her
dates and how "this happened at AIT
on Tuesday, this at 6.33 on Friday"
and so on. At last the patience of
the advocate was exhausted.
MY dear woman" said MI. Lam
caster, edo you keep a diary?"
mo, sir" replied the woman, "a
dram shop"
A young advocate had pleaded his
first case, and when the judgment was
given his client he exclaimed: Il am
surprised at your. LordshiL's judy
ment."
There was CONSERVATION in the
court, and something had t. be done
to save the Young counsel from his
unheard of rashness. The matter
was submitted to the dean of the Fac
ulty of Advocates, who when the court
assembled next day rose and ad-
dressed their lordshirs.
MY young FRIEND" he said, Eyes
terday committed what may seem an
unforgivable inoiscretion, but Ole for
which he asks the clemency of the
| Court. Had he pleaded as long as I
have I am sure he would never be
| surprised at any of your ~lordships'
iudgments."-Tit-Bits.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

piled only to half hose and whether
it would be practicable in women's
stockings is a question. The support
ing section fits around the calf and it
might not hold above the knee. A
double band, with the lower part at
tached to the stocking at opposite
points, acts as the supporter. This
band fits around the calf and when
stretched up it takes a firm grip on
the leg, supporting the stocking as
we'll as any garter. Bor use with
knee-length drawers a supporter Of
this kind is unusually desirable, as
1t is much more comfortable than a
rubber or leather garter which has
metal joints. Many men who would
otherwise wear this cool type of I'M
der garment are deferred from so do
ing because they do not like the feel
Of the old-style garter on the bare
DECENTRALIZATION Star.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
To Stop Runaway.

Runaways are robbed Of their ter
rors by the invention Of a Michigan
man. A horse may bolt if he likes,
but unless he wants to tear up the
roadbed at the expense of extraordin-
airy effort he will stop Immediately
when the device works. Underneath
the carriage is a pointed rod, inclin-
in; downward and forward and held
above the ground by a strong spring.
The reins pass through rings on the
ton of the dashboard and the ends are
fastened to the brake device In such
a way that when there Is unusual
pressure on them the spring Is re-
leased and the rod shoots down and
acts as an effectual brake. If a
horse runs away the driver can first
exert all his or her effort to stop him
naturally and If this is Intellectual a
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Sign of Money.

There is an old superstition that If
a spider settles on ones clothes it
is a sign that he will shortly receive
money. when a spider is found
upon our. clothes" says an old wri-
ter, I'VE used to say, some money is
coming toward US. The moral is
thus: Such who initiate the industry
of that contemplate creature may, by
Gods blessing, weave themselves into
wealth and procure a plentiful es-
tate"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Wynne Resumes Work.

Robert Wynne, the former United
States Consul-General in LoaC0n. in
tends to resume Newspaper work in
the British capital. Before Mr..
Wynre became Postmas. Hr-GeneTal
Of the United States he had a long
and brilliant journalistic career, be-
ing also president of the Gridiron
Club at Washington. D. c. He is in
timately acquainted at first hand
With London and it's celebrities.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
The First Kite.

The Ligue Rationale Aerienne re-
ceived from Commandant Dolfuss the
offer of a prize of s400 for the first
kite of French construction capable OF
lifting a man to the height of 200 me-
tiers, and Of maintaining him in the
air for a period of at least one hour.
It is interesting to see that attention
is thus again directed to the use OF
kites, which would appear to have
been somewhat neglected owing to
the success Of the apparatus of the
%aeroplane type.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
INDIVIDUALITY.
4 sculptor carved a statue fine,

4 sculptor carved a statue fine,
And many came to see.
cit were immortal. said his friends,
eff this or that might be-"
The sculptor changed it here and there,
To suit their varied tastes,
And thought, THE more the statue grows
The more the marble wastes"
Ard still he changed and still his friends,
The gentle critics. frowned,
Until at last the statue lay
Half scattered on the ground.
Besides, it seemed anomalous,
. Sans character or tone,
A thing unworthy of himself,
A bit CT lifeless stone.
Then his good mallet he did take
And broke the image down,
And when he wrought another one
He let the critics frowu.
And thus he learned the lesson great,
That those who. toll for fame
Must be themselves, if they would win,
The laurels for their name.
Chicago News.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
in Berlin.

Of the ~1,125,O00 persons in Berlin
who support themselves or them
selves and families, only 5S,611, or
less than five and a quarter per cent,
have incomes of STA or more a year.
About 1906 900 have less than that
amount, and more than half OF these
even less than S214 a year.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Fee lost.

The stacy person entered the Office
and approached the lawyer. Il want
a divorce" she said, briefly outlining
her case.
On those grounds said the law
yer. Il can get you a divorce easily
and without any publicity
Sir" she rejoined, tartly. do L
look like q lady that 'ud shy at a
chance at publicity?'
whitening him with q glance, she
departed .-Philadelphi Ledger.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Still the Same.

Il met, Dunkey to-day for the first
time in years. He hasn't changed
much"
oh. he hasn't changed at all, but
he doesn't seem to realize it."
How do you mean"
"Oh, he's forever talking about
what a fool ne used to be. '-Catholic
Standard and Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
A Broad Smile.

Mr.. Jones had recently become the
father of twins. The minister stopped
him on the street to congratulate.
well, JONES'" he said, II hear the
Lord has smiled on YOU"
Smiled on me-" repeated Jones.
@He laughed out loud at me!"-Mont-
gomery Advertiser.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Comparatively Easy.

Young Zelaya was being sued for
breach of promise.
You seem cheerful enough about
it." remarked a reporter.
ooh, WE'LL" replied the defendant,
cit is a little rough, but think Of the
time the old man is having down
home. "-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

The maiden name of Nassau street,
New York, was Pie Woman's lane.
It was opened in 1896 by a man
named Ray, who obtained the right
to make it a cartway to what is now
City Hall Park.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
German Knit Good

The United States purchased near
:ly one-hatf Of the cotton and over
one-third of all silk knit goods and
cotton gloves of Germany, while the
amount of wooden goods taken was
comparatively unimportant.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Air Line to Pittsburg.

"Can you tell me how I can get to
Pittsburgh" asked the soubrette, at
the railroad ticket Office.
"Sure!" replied the agent; marry
one of the Pittsburg millionaires. -
Yonkers Statesman. b..
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Just the Job For Her.

Employer-"What we want is a
night Waterman that watches-some-
body who can sleep with one eye open
and both ears, and who is not afraid
to tackle anything. See?"
Applicant-"I see, boss; I'll send
me wife around. ALLY Sloper's.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Miss Ethel Wood has been appoint
ed instructor in the art Of story tell
ing by the Massachusetts, State Board
of Education. Miss Wood won fame
as an original story teller while teach
ing In Brookline.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
That Was Something.

"Can you keep anything on your
stomach?" the ships doctor asked.
mo, SIR" he returned, feebly,
nothing but my hand Ladies'
Home Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

In 1906 there were 1928 labor
strikes in Germany. In 1907 there
were 1855; in 1908 the number was
1347. Of the 1908 strikes 206 were
successful, 437 partly successful and
704 unsuccessful.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
He Got Work.

what were you running for when
I saw you to-day, SAM
Il heard OF some work, san
And did you get the job, Sam"
Il sure did, boss"
what kind of work did you pro-
cure, SAM
Some washing for NJ wife,
Yonkers Statesman.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Remedy or Disease.

Broadway-"They say Wooster's
wife has kleptomania."
Wallstreet-"What is she taking
for it,"
Broadway-"Everything in sight"
New York Times. ..
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

The City Council of Easton, Me-,
voted by a large majority TO ask the
Legislature to amend the city charter
so as to give the municipal suffrage
to women owning $500 worth osprop-
erty. %.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

onthe verge of col
lapse. Dull back
ache weakened me
and broke my
sleep, I was very
nervous, and doc
tors treatment was
not making me
better. Doan's Kid
ney Pills helped
~ r
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
His Kind.

De Style-"You say he uses no
Judgment in buying presents?"
Gunbusta-"No; he's the kind of
fellow that would buy a pair of kid
gloves for the Venus of Milo. New
York Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Many Children Are SickIy.

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children,
used by Mother Gray. a nurse in Children's
Feverishness, Headache, Stomach Troubles
.Teething Disorders and Destroy Worms. At
all Druggists, Csc: Sample mailed FREE.
Address Allen S. Olmsted. LIE Roy, N. Y.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

To sum up in percentage the six
leading cereals show a yield of rs
per cent. greater than last year, and
only about four per cent. below the
sum Of the record years in each.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

A certain official has petitioned the
board of education to draw up the
regulations for awarding and infict-
Ing fines on the foot binding females
Of the empire.-Shanghai Mercury.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
BY ComDariSOn.

Broadstreet-"The high cost of liv-
ing makes me wonder where we are
going to end!"
Wallstreet-"It makes me wonder
where the next generation is going to
begin!"-NeW York Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Or SOmethin'.

@How is your wife this morning,
Uncle Henry?"
"Well,. I dunno. She's failin' dret-
full slow. I do wish she'd git we'll, or
somethin'."-Puck.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Hot or Cold Lunch Box.

The limitations of the lunch box
have been overcome to a great extent
by a new receptacle recently patent
ed. 1t is a very ingenious adaptation
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Austria is the country most leni-
ent to murderers. a very small per-
centage of those convicted are exc
cuted.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
He Stayed Out.

Hewitt believe 7 could make a
wife happy"
Jewett-"you could if she liked
to be alone nights. louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Stocking Stays Up.

A self-supporting stocking that will
stay up without the use of a garter
has been devised by a New York man.
Thus far the principle has been ap-
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Undying Love.

Youth-"Own up! You don't hate
me, do you?"
Beauty-"To tell the truth, I hate
you like SIM
Youth-"Oh, my darling! How
happy you make me!"-Smart Set.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

let 60 the reins or pull on the end at
tached to the brake. At first thought
it would seem that this brake would
stop the team so abruptly as to pitch
the occupants Of the carriage out,
but the spring prevents this.-Wash-
ington Star.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

The oldest waiter in Germany, aged sew.
enty.seven, recently retired from his work
at Elhino. -t.-
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

boxes cured me so we'll that in three
years the trouble has not come back"
Remember the name-Doan's. For
sale by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Piles Cured in to II Days.
Pazo Ointment is guaranteed to cure any
case of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrudine
Piles int to IA days or money refunded. Doc.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

It has been found in Nova Scotia
that that the Holsters chief enemy
is not the G>~fsh. but the lobster.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Nearly S1,00O,0 600 worth Of timber
was imported into Natal in 1908. The
is practically treeless, SO Tar
as there is any commercial value IN
the timber. .
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Uniforms were first adopted by the Eng.
lish military organizations in the seven
teenth century. ~ 8
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Suitable.

"Have you seen Maude s winter
proof auto coat?"
mo, but Eve lei her fallproof
airship costume. New York Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Table and Footstool Made of Spools.

For the table get two pieces of white wood, say about eighteen lncnes
square. The spools may be found at some shoe factory; you Will need SIX
If more height is required, get seven. The iron rod may BIZ found at some
blacksmiths shop.
The top should be square and moulding be put around II desired. d
bottom should be fastened to the spools by screws. Care must be taken not
to split them.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
A Sure Cure.

Knicker-"There is only one cure
for a cold"
Bocker-"If the manager gets an
other singer to fill the role."-New
York Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

wisely directed, viii cause her %
give to her little ones only the most
wholesome and beneficial re1tedies
and only when actually needed, and
the well-informed mother uses only
the pleasant and gentle laxative REM
of Figs and Elixir Of
Senna-when a laxative is required,
as it is wholly free from all objec-
tionable substances. To get its ben
eficial effects always buy the genu-
inc, manufactured by the California
Fig Syrup Co.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

Castro to the fiery ZelaJa: Come
r. The waters fnei"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
An Arctic Forecast.
The Age Of Monopoly.

The Age Of Monopoly.
@Pop, do ten mills make a cent?
"That depends, my son. Unless
they are in a trust they probably
don't. New York Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
Her Smile.

Her Smile.
When a woman smiles at her hus-
bands jokes it is the same kind OF a
forced smile you see on the stage
Atchison Globe.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09
r OF
Many Women Brought to 1t by Kid
ney Disease.

Mrs. Charles Sweetman, 624 Wash
ington St., Buffalo, N. Y, says: Kid
ney trouble had me in a bad way and
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1910-03-09

The footstool is the most useful thing made. l have made a number
of them.
Get a piece of pine board about fourteen inches by ten inches, and four
spools, and about five feet Of panel moulding. A short piece of board should
be screwed tt the bottom of the top board to prevent splitting. The mould
ing is then fitted to the top and it is fastened to the spools by screws about
an inch from the edge.
The In NAV be covered with a piece Of carpeing and stuffed with *
celsior-F. Raymond Pierce, in Boston Post.
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
Rooms-Furnished
PENIEL, HOUSE
GIRARD HOUSE

FOR RENT BRIGHT, SUNNY, FuR-
nished rooms; private family; within walk
ing distance; choice nelghborhood; gentle
men only; very reasonable rent. Inquire 81
Sunbury ave. Take w. Ninth car 1905
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31

TYPEWRITERs BOUGHT AND RENTED.
All makes guaranteed; repairing BAKER
HOEY co. Qnc) 2ii12 So. Broadway.
Main 4G9f A407O lO-S4-tl
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31

S:SOaa Chatsworth Park. (see S;4SA
motel (Note-To and from
River station only).
All trains daily except those marked a.
follows: "a" Sundays excepted; %" sundays
only.
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
PHYSICIANS
DIR. HICKoK.


DIR. HICKOk DIR. HlChOh-
SPECIALIST FOR WOMES.
Treats oil diseases Of women under pos
tive guarantee. Ladies who have formerly
paid for each tres tment, whether benehted
or not will appreciate the difference Pay
only for satisfactory results Charges moa-
crate.
DIR HrCKoK gives modern ontiseptio
treatment and patients are in no danger
of blood poison or infection. Everything IS
sterilized before use
DR. HICKOK provides a private home, with
nursing for women in confinement. Expert
care and home comforts at reasonable rates
Condnements by modern methods ara sa-e
and free from pain.
DIR. HICKOK gives personal attention 20
every case. Consultation is free and conn
Dental IN all troubles. ANY woman not sat
isied with her condition is invited TO can
for free consultation and free examination
DIR. HICKOK carefully examines every case
and gives an honest opinion and reliable al
wee free. X-ray examination made when
necessary. Il a case is accepted for treat
ment cure is guaranteed. Moderate charges
for satisfactory results. Terms can be al
ways arranged. Hours 10 to 4; Sundays ~
10 / Phone Fs236 for appointments az
other times. ~
l2-1s-tt
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
RAILWAY TIME TABLE
SALT LAKE ROUTE

All Trans daily except IS nofed
-eI Iglrst Street station. IArTi
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
LEeAL NOTICE
NnrIrE nE MEETINa

NOTICE OF MEETING
The annual meeting of the stockhodels OF
the Wright & Calender Building company
viii be held at the office OF the company,
4Q5 South HIM street. i'm the city of Los
Angeles. california. on Tuesday February
S. 1910, at o'clock D. of said day, for
the purpose Of electins hoard Of directors
for the ensuing year and the transaction
OF such other business may properly
be brought before the meeting.
HARRY II. CALENDER, President
Los Angeles, Cal, Jan. 70. 1910.
1-2J-1Ot eN su
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
PROPOSALS


NOTICE TO CONTRACTORS OF OILED
ROADS
Sealed bids viii be received by the clerk
of the board of supervisors OF san Mateo
county California, ntil February a. 1910
-N1r the gradng turnpikiuE and olllng OF
four 10 miles OF road. each bid TO be ae-
companiad hy q. certified check in the amount
of ten uD ger cent. Of the amount bid and
made payable 10 the county ol san Mateo,
as uuuidatgd damages IN the event that the
bidder or bidders fail to enter into contract
with good and sufficient bonds, for the faith
ful performance OF the work within Eve 90
after tho award has baeu made to
chem, said contract and bonds to he ap-
proved by the chairman of the board Of super
vis0rs of San 1Iateo county, California.
Plans and specifications on hla for said work
in the office OF the county clerk, Jos, IL, Nash,
Redwood City Amy or all bids are subject
TO rejection.
p. II. AcEVOY,
Chairman Of the Board OF Supervisors
1-15-3Qt
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
urnished

FURNISHED HOUSE, BATH
and one acre facing car; $1,000 Sll00 cash,
balance like rent. II. II. HATHWAG, Rancho
lDaievood Redondu car 1-30-7t
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
To Observation-Disclosures
Miscellaneous
PATENT PROTECTION

>~~y~~e~>e~~>,-~~~>-@---0--~>' =
EXPENSE AND ATTORNEY FEE CUT ONE
half. No patent, no pay. WELLS, St5 p e:
bldg A4i''A
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
rYPEWRlTERS

ALL MAKES or REBUILT TYPEWRIpER5.
see our bargains Best rentals in city,
$3.50 TO So a month.
LOS ANGELES TYPEWRITER
EXCHANGE,
Ab9i3. 1875 S. Broadway Main 1858.
9-13-tf
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
RAILWAY TIME TABLE
SOUTHERN PACIFIC

From Arcade station. TIft6 ana Central ave.
LeaVel 1 rrjvo
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-31
NoTARIEs

n Nj WrrT. NOTARY PUBLIC. PENSION
naners deeds collections and Wills ne8o-
tiated Room g. 2t4z s. Broad0ay
1-2l-tf