davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Famous Humorist, Having Lost His
Taste for Good Tobacco, Sought
and Found the Worst Cigars In
All His Life In New York.

One morning In the late eighties
met Mark Twain in the Office Of mu-
tual friend.
II am come to see you on an errand
of mercy" he said, as he shook hands.
You can save my life. You must
have observed my distraction, because
have appeared upon the streets these
mornings wearing my somewhat rusty
silk hat and a sack coat. l have been
told that this is a highly improper
thing to do in New York, and, while
am temporary sojourner here, am
anxious to observe the proprieties.
/ saw that behind this testing Mark
Twain had a real purpose in mind.
and in a moment or two he revealed
it.
my friends for some years now
have remarked that am an inveterate
consumer Of tobacco" be said. THAT
is true, but my habits with regard to
tobacco have changed. l have no
doubt that you will say. when l have
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Greeted With AstonIshment and Curl
osity, They Were Finally Ordered
Back to Their Ship as Most
Undesirable "Foreign Devils"

Setn Low, who is known In ma
uonal education circles as a former
president of Columbia university, In
national philanthropic circles as
maker of numerous munificent gifts,
and in politics as former mayor OF
New York city, and also of Brooklyn
when the latter was an independent
city, was one of a company of gentle
men who had met to discuss the TWEEN
ueth century industrial and CONNER
cial awakening of China. Mr.. Lows
father, the late A. A. Low, gained his
great fortune and established a world
vide reputation as a merchant,
through the great commerce estab-
blished by his house with China. He
was owner of some of the clipper
ships which made America famous on
The seas sixty odd years ago.
or the men who met with Mr.. Low
there were several who had recently
been In China, and thye told from per-
sonal knowledgs of the great changes
taking place in the empire, and par
dcularly of the new and friendly atti-
tude towards foreigners on the part
Of the ruling classes.
The change towards foreigners has
indeed. been most marked" said Mr.
Low. THE anecdote of the first WON
en Of American birth and training
and, also. think, the first white WON
en- OF any nation-to put foot upon
chinese soil proves that One OF these
hdies was an aunt of mine, a sister
Of my father. and the other was a
near relative of hers, and younger
Their adventure In China, / believe, is
not generally known.
These ladies took passage for Chi
ma upon one of my fathers clippers,
on reaching port they went ashore
and were at once the objects of the
utmost establishment and curiosity
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
HOW A DOCTOR CURED SCALP
DISEASE

when I was ten or twelve years
old l had a scalp disease. something
like scald head, though it wasn't that
l suffered for several months, and
most of my hair came out. Finally
they had a doctor to see me and he
the Cuticura Remedies.
They cured me in a few weeks. I
have used the Cuticura Remedies, also,
for a breaking out on my hands and
was benefited a great deal. l haven't
had any more trouble with the scalp
disease. Miss Jessie F. Buchanan.
r. F. d. 3, Hamilton, Ga, Jan. Z, 1909"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

There more Catarrh IN this section Of the country
than ali other diseases put together and until the last
few years was supposed 70 be incurable For great
many years doctors pronounced II local disease and
prescribed local remedies and by constantly falling
TO cure with local treatment. pronounced II ncurable.
Science has proven Catarrh TO be constitutional Dis
ease and therefore requires constitutional treatment
Halls Catarrh Cure. manufactured by +. J. Cheney
Co.. Toledo Ohio. Is the only Constitutional cure on
the market. 1t b taken internally In doses from 10
drops to teaspoonful. II directly the blood
and mucous surfaces Of the system. They oner one
hundred dollars for any oase It falls to cure Send
for circulars and testimonials.
Address: r. J. CHENEY 4 CO.. Toledo. OhiA
Sold by Druggists. 7Sc
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
'Saued" Mark Twain's Life

explained to you what my present pur-
pose is, that my taste has deterio-
rated. but / do not so regard it.
Let me tell you briefly the history
Of my personal relation to tobacco. It
began, think, when l was a lad, and
took the form of a guild, which / be-
came an expert in tucking under my
tongue. Afterwards learned the de-
lights of the pipe. and suppose there
was no other youngster of my age who
could more deftly cut plug tobacco so
as to make 1t available for pipe-smo-
king.
We'll, time runs on, and there came
a time when was able to crafty one
of my youthful ambitions could buy
the choicest Havana cigars without
seriously interfering with my income.
l smoked a good many, changing of
from the Havana cigars to the pipe in
the course of days smoking.
AT last 1t occurred to me that some
thing was lacking in the Havana cigar.
1t did not quite fulfill my youthful an
ticipations. I experimental bought
what was called seed leaf cigar with
a Connecticut wrapper. After awhile
became satiated of these and
searched for something else. The
Pittsburg stogie was recommended to
me. 1t certainly had the merit of
cheapness. if that be a merit in tobac-
CO, and / experimental with the stogie.
Then. once more. I changed of, so that
l might acquire the subtler flavor Of
the Wheeling toby. Now that has
palled, and have been looking around
New York in the hope of finding cigars
which would seem to most people vile,
but which, am sure, would be am
brosial to me. can't find any. They
have put into my hands some Of those
little things that cost ten cents box,
but they are a delusion. l would SOON
er smoke sweet fern cigarettes.
so want to know If you can direct
me to an honest tobacco merchant
who will tell me what is the worst
cigar in the New York market, ex-
cepting those made for Chinese con-
SUMPTION want real tobacco-and
if you will do this, and find the man
is as good as his word, will guaran-
tee him a regular market for a fair
amount Of his cigarss -
/ saw Mark Twain was really in
earnest, and. after making some in
quiry took him to a tobacco dealer
who knew would tell the truth; who,
If a cigar was bad, would boldly say
so. l introduced the humorist to this
man, explaining our errand, and he
produced what he called the very
worst cigars he had ever had in his
shop. He let Mark Twain experiment
with one, then and there. The test
was satisfactory.
This is, after all, the real thing"
exclaimed Mark, with delight IT will
now negotiate for a box Of them so
that / may be sure Of having them
handy when l want them"
A few minutes later, with hundred
Of those awful affairs tucked fondly
under his arm, with one of them scent
ing up the whole neighborhood from
its position between his lips, and with
the parting assertion that he had dis
covered that the worst cigars, So
called, are the best for me, after all, /"
Mark Twain went happily to his
home. And I afterwards learned that
for some months he was steady pur-
chaser of those cigars.
Copyright. 1910. by E. J. Edwards)
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
A llklnu 70: "Namlet."

do you like Hamlet?" asked the
hostess Of her unlettered. If gushing,
guest.
Indeed do" was the reply. Il am
excessively fond of 1t, but I always
prefer a savory to a sweet one"
There was a momentary confusion,
and then the hostess realized that the
admiration of the guest was of a cul-
mary, not literary, character.
IL gave her ham with an omelette
for breakfast next morning" said the
hostess, when telling the story
Scraps.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
When the Fish Exploded.

Somebody discovered that fish are
fond of gasoline, and this led to the
idea of soaking worms in gasoline in
order to make them more alluring
when used for bait.
Mark the result.
Two of those gasoline-tempted fish
exploded in the frying-pan, and broke
the kitchen window, and blew the
cooks face full of mashed potato, and
hurled the teakettle into the -four
barrel, and painted the kitchen ceiling
with stewed tomatoes.
Call it a lying world and, let it go at
that.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Merchant Has Proper Idea

Boston for 1t. He wants It when he
does, then and there"
After little pause he continued: ri
don't like the way they do business in
them big stores. ANYWAY. Why, when
you 60 into a store up to Boston the
first thing you know somebody asks
you what you want.
Now. l never do anything like that
IL a man comes into my place I pass
the time o. day and ask him to set.
and after he's set and talked a while
II he wants anything he'll tell me.
never poster a man to buy. Maybe he
amt come to buy; maybe he's come
to talk"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

were highly colored and scalded terri
bly,. Marked improvement followed
the use of Doan's Kidney Pills. In six
weeks l was a we'll woman. My friends
and relatives marvel at my recovery"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. so cents
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. y.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Even the Children.

Ex-Governor Pennypacker, condemn
ing in his witty way the American
divorce evil, told, at Philadelphia
luncheon, an appropriate story.
Even our children" he said, ARE
becoming infected. A Kensington
school teacher, examining little girl
In grammar, said:
"'What is the future Of II lover
IA DIVORCE the child answered
promptly"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
That "Hcbbie" Skirt.

AS woman once upon a time In
dulged herself in the apparently ulti.
mate foolishness of the hoopskirt, so
today she seems determined to indulge
herself In the surely extreme Stiffness
OF the "hobble" skirt Inevitably the
Mobile" skirt must be freakish fash.
ions concluding word. 1t is the limit
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Something Dreadful.

Wee Anita was listening to story
of the Johnstown flood.
What made it?" she asked.
~Oh, the dam broke" replied grand
ma.
The next morning she ran into her
brothers room and, climbing up on
the bed. inquired anxiously: "Buvver.
wasn't it Just drefful bout that swear
breaking and killing all dose peoplef r
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Kept with narnum's Circus.

P. T. Barnum, the famous circus
man, once wrote: II have had the
Cuticura Remedies among the con-
tents of my medicine chest with my
shows for the last three seasons, and
can cheerfully certify that they were
very effective in every case which
called for their use."
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Sourse of Revelation,

Twenty-seven new. crisp. 81 bills,
says Harper's Weekly, weigh as much
as a $40 gold piece. Wouldn't have
thought it, and have no means Of
proving the assertion, but If so 1t is
probably owing in some way to the
recent activity of the inspectors Of
WEIGHTS and measures.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Scandal.

Mrs. Simmonds glanced at the scare
headline: Bank Robbed! Police at
Sea-" and laid down the sheet.
"Naow, look at that, Ell" she ejac-
ulated, repeating the headline aloud.
Here's a big city bank broke into by
burglars, and tn city police force all
off fishin' somewhere! What a scan
dal!"-Judge.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

Mr.. Wise-Its a fine machine, but
I have to employ a man who does moth
ing else but keep 1t in the repair.
Auto Agent-Well, If it furnishes
steady employment for one man. it's
q great deal better auto than those
that don't.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

QdtCS UdCh 10 LILO
time that women
may expect nature
to bring on them
the Change Of Life.
I got a bottle Of
Lydia e. Pinkham's
We ge table Com
pound and it made
me feel much better,
and I have contin-
ued its use. I am
very grateful to you
for the good health
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
=

II have suffered with piles for thirty
six years. One year ago last April I BE-
gan taking Cascarets for constipation. In
the course of a'week I noticed the piles
began to disappear and at the end OF six
weeks they did not trouble me at all.
Cascarets have done wonders for me. 7
am entirely cured and feel like a new
man." George Kryder. Napoleon. O.
Pleasant. Palatable. Potent. Taste Good.
Do Good. Never Sicken. Weaken or Gripe.
10c, 2Sc. Soc. Never sold In bulk. The gen.
uine tablet stamped c c c. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back. w
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Mere Men.

He-I dreamt last night that your
mother was i'll.
She-Brute! l heard you laugh IN
your sleep.-Life.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Ito Nature.

There are stunning effects In that
play"
mo wonder; they are done with
electricity"
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

invalid. / lay in bed
unable to move hand
or foot. My right
limb was swollen to
twice normal size. I
looked the picture of
death and my case
puzzled the doctors.
The kidney secretions
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

A fool man appreciates the nonsense
of pretty woman more than he does
the sense of a homely one.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

n You Arc q Trlfle Sensitive
About the size Of your shoes, many people
wear smaller shoes BY using Aliens Foot-E Ease,
the Antiseptic Powder to shake into the shoes.
gives rest and comfort. Just the thing for
breaking in new shoes. Sold everywhere, go.
Sample sent FREE. Address, Allen 8. Olmsteds
L. Roy, NY.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
WOMEN
OF MIDDLE
AGE
Need Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Brookfield, Mo.-"Two years ago I
was unable to do any kind of work and
only weighed 11S pounds. My trouble
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Then IL Happoned,

What made you think he would
propose to me?"
"Why, when I refused him he. said
he didn't care what became Of him;
but perhaps he wasn't serious. -
Houston Post.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
A MARVELLOUS RECOVERY.
How q Chronic Invalid Regained Per
feet Health.

Mrs. Ray Trusner, 30 West Third
St., New Albany. Ind, says: Kidney
disease had rendered me a chronic
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

Mr.. Windows Soothing Syrup.
children teething softens the gums, reduces IN.
4Smmaxiou alIays pail cures wind collie. sc bottle
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

But it doesn't rain very hard on the
unjust If he is roosting under a stolen
umbrella.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

The days are not mere repetitions Of
themselves; tomorrow will have bes'
ter meaning.-f. T. Munger, DID.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

Aviators should look down and spec.
tators look up. while everybody should
look out
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

The man whose bluff is not some
times called never existed.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate and inyfe-
orate stomach. liver and bowels SEGREGATED,
tiny granules. easy TO take as candy.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

The busy man wonders how the
loafer manages to live.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09

most economical shoes for you to buy. W. I.
Douglas name and retail price are stamped on
the bottom-value guaranteed. Fast Color Eveiefs
TAKE NO ouborITUTEi II your dealer
cannot supply you write for Mail Order Catalog.
W. L DOUGLAS. Broekton. Mas.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
no DRIVE OUT MALARIA

TO DRIVE R 0SP m mflIb Up THE SYSTEM
Take the Old standard GROVES TASTELESS
CHILL TONIC. You know what you are taxing
showing it is simply QuInine and Iron in tast,-
and the Iron builds up the system Sold By AL
dealers for 30 years Price % cents
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Iropor,ant to Mothers

CAS OItIEt, q otIIo t1l1eI o"1 .
infants and children, and see that it
Signature spaas enc Of &x2Zz&x
In Use For Over 80 Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
Health Conditions Improve.

Health conditions at Panama con
tinue to improcA
Tensas gazette. [volume] (St. Joseph, La.) 1886-current, 1910-09-09
w. L. DOUGLAS

N ~f V
W0MEN'S $3.50, s., IS. so,
BOYS 90. 90, $3.50 g. $500
THE STAN OARO
FOR 80 YEARS
They are absolutely the
most popular and bestshoes
for the price In America.
They are the leaders every
where because they hold
their shape, fit better,
look better and wear lon
ger than other makes. 4
They are certainly the 3
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-23
CROWD STANDS IDLE AS
DEADLY BATTLE RACES
Encounter Between Officer and Want
ed Man Ends with Death
of Latter

BERLIN, Jan. ga desperate en-
counter was witnessed last night in a
freduented street in the southeast of
Berlin. For some days the police of
the city have been searching for the
murderer of a woman named Anna
Arnholz. portions of whose dismem-
bered body were found in the Spree
and other places. In the course of this
quest they called upon all the mem
bers known to them of the great army
of "souteneurs" that exists in this city
to report. There was a great deal of
difficulty in running to earth particu-
larly ruffianly criminal of this class
named Ernst Schachow, but one even
ing a detective found he was drinking
in a taproom on Brandenburg street.
The officer sent a boy in to tell Scha-
chow a man wished to speak to him
outside. Schachow came out, and the
detective called upon him to accom-
many him at once to the police station
To he examined in connection with the
murder. Hardly had he spoken the
words before Schachow pulled a
knuckle-duster out of his pocket, and,
Slipping it on, struck out with all his
force Schachow flung away the
knuckle-duster and took out large
knife, with which he succeeded in
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-23
LID is TAKEN OFF
SLANG IN COLLEGE
TOWN IN MISSOURI
Report Has 1t That Professor of Eng
lish in State University Has
Purists Backed Into
Corner

COLUMBIA, Mo. Jan. 22.-The lids
off on slang in this town. DIR. p. A.
Allen, the Jeffries of the English de-
partment in the University of Missouri,
has put up his dukes in it's defense,
and he has the purists backed into a
corner and hanging on the ropes.
DR.. Allen, who is one of the chief
1S-karat, stem-winding, American
movement highbrows in these parts,
says slang is picturesque. His state
ment makes Macauley and Walter Pa
ter look like selling platers, and you
can make a book on it that George
Ade has both of 'em backed off the
boards, and probably will become the
favorite stakehorse in the rhetoric
handicap at the university. Shake
speare, however, will not be benched,
for the reason that DR.. Allen scored
first on the language Willie attributes
to Hamlet.
Here 1t Is, in "HamIet"
DR.. Allen cites the round where
RosencranZ hands Hamlet this line of
talk: My lord. you once did love
me-; and Hamlet counters with, so
do I still, by these pickers and steal
ers.''
"Pickers and stealers, DR.. Allen said
in lecture yesterday, refers to mitts,
n
used in your favorite ham-and joint.
The freshman who cuts his classes
can say so in plain English now, and
when he sees a grind boning for eX-
ans he need not hesitate to use the
words which properly express his con-
tempt. And sporting dope" is a
phrase no longer blue-penciled from
University of Missouri copy.
The teachers in the school of jour
nalism have been up in the air about
the football and basketball stories.
1t was serious educational problem
to keep the sporting dope from run
ming out of academic bounds and being
penallzed for fouls. But they are on
easy street now, and you may lay to
it. They agree that DR.. Allen is there
with bells on his toes.
And This from President Hill
Wednesday is convocation day in the
university Convocation is President
A. Ross Hills chief hobby. and the
student that cuts it, as far as DR.. Hill
is concerned, is down and out for the
rest of the semester. This morning
DIR. Hill found a soph on the campus
during convocation hour.
Don't you savvy that it's up to you
to be in the convo?" DR.. Hill inquired,
according to the sophomore's report of
the dialogue.
Eyes; but my roommate is a little
musty in the mansard, and after had
been to the pill-rollers for him I had
to have my roof shingled," replied the
student.
Jaw, telegraph Copenhagen, DR..
Hill is said to have retorted, in deep
disgust.
Anyhow, if it didn't happen, the stu
dents are expecting it. Perhaps not
yet, but soon.
Los Angeles herald., 1910-01-23
GRANDMOTHER OF ELSIE
SIGEL IGNORANT OF FATE
Because Aged Woman Is, in Poor
Health She Is Not Informed
of the Tragedy

NEW YORK, Jan. 22.-Mrs. Elise
Sigel, widow of Gen. Franz Sigel and
grandmother of Elsie Sigel, the young
missionary who was murdered sup
posedly by Leon Ling, alias William
Leon, in a room over a chop suey res
taurant on Eighth avenue last summer,
is dying at the home of her daughter,
Mrs. Leile Scherl, 1920 Simpson street,
the Bronx. Since the death of her
husband, six years ago, she has suf-
fered three strokes of paralysis and
her end is momentarilv expected. Be-
cause of her failing health the death of
her granddaughter has been kept a Sc
cret from her and she has never known
Elsie's fate.
Elsie had visited her grandmother
with regularity, and when her visits
ceased and her parents were unable to
offer a plausible excuse for her alb
sence the aged woman became alarmed.
She finally was pacified when the
girls parents announced that Elsie had
gone away to boarding school. How
ever, she was piqued to think that the
girl had gone without bidding her
adieu.
Mrs. Sigel wanted to know why
Elsie had not written to her, and ex-
cuses We're offered, but she was never
told the girl was dead. DIR. E. C. Pix
ley of 4S2 Mott avenue feared the
story would hasten her death. A few
days ago she suffered the third stroke
of paralysis.
Born in Werban, Germany, on Sep
tember IA, 1884 Mrs. Sigel was a
daughter of DR.. Rudolph Dulon, pastor
of the Dutch Reformed church of Wer-
BAN When young, she heard of the
adventures and achievements of Franz
Sigel, then winning glory in the Ger
man revolution in 1S4S. He was leading
revolutionists in the southern part of
the country while her father was stir
ring up the men at home.
Dulon and his family were banished
and DR.. Arnold Buge. a German pa
triot in London. welcomed them.
There Miss Elise met Franz Sigel, in
1858.
Not long after he met Miss Dulon her
father came to America, but Franz
Sigel followed and they We're married
a year later.