The San Francisco call., 1910-07-31

tion of the question to:
When is Scotchman all drunk?'
Which is going too far afeld. That
no canny Scot may take offense at this
suggestion he is reminded of the HE
land minister who reproached one of
his flock for a perennial thirst, after
this fashion:
It's moo canny TIL reckless way We
lop up tn liquor" shaking a warning
finger at the offender. Drink in
moderation as 1 do. When you get up
in TIL morn wee nippy or twa-na
more-to clear tn cobwebs O sleep
fra yeer brain. Juist before We sit
down to yeer parraitch ain guide horn
o. speerits to gi' ye an apertit an pre-
pare yeer in'ards for tn brakin' o. th'
fast Then, when We ha feenishit an
pushit back fra tn table, take, without
fail, a guid dram to aid degeestion-
Tween then an tn nuinday meal four
or five dreenks ia help on wi tn work
an maybe ia hearten ye if tn day is
chill. Take twa steef drains before tn
nuin meal, it bein' tn heaviest of tn
peration for it. Likewise take twa
mair dreenks afterwards ia aid tn
stomach
AS tn day goes on yell be in need
o. enuich Ia keep level WI tn tasks an
ia keep tn seestem UP ia them
Before tn supper / allow a wee re-
laxeetion an take maybe four nips
while tn hammock is cookin'. After
supper tn work O. tn day is done an
it's ma harm ia dreenk in neeborly
fashion till it's 9 by tn clock, when ye
should be in yeer bed. OF coorse, If
tn deescussion should be close, an
yeer heedful, it's reeght ia taste later,
but ma after sunup.
That's tn way I dreenk, Sandy, in
moderation, an if ye'H do TIL same
yerseF it'll turn ye fra tn thowless
fashion we've followed lang syne."
After this it is easy to see why the
Scotchman is in class by himself
But to return to the primary ques-
ton. still unanswered. Drunk is a
term of reproach indicating variance
from the requirements of society or
the laws of the land, or both
Society exacts that a man shall not
be a nuisance to his fellows and as
serts Just as emphatically that when
he is drunk he is at the same time a
nuisance; asserts that maudlin affection
is bad form. and that tuneless songs
disturbing the atmosphere at unusual
hours is not art, but alcohol. Society,
however, is a fickle-shall we call her
Jade ?-and makes rules for one in
dividual which she promptly breaks
for another What is sauce for the
goose is sauce for the gander' is an
axiom which society heeds not, hence
we will seek knowledge elsewhere in
our anxiety to have something exact.
Further light is thrown on the sub
iect by an anonymous verse. 1t was
apparently written by One Who Knows,
knowledge sticking out like five karat
diamond from the soulful earnestness
of the lines. AS originally written
they were trimmed with more forceful
expression, but this has been diluted
somewhat for the taste of the general
reader:
When your heels hit hard
And your head feels queer,
And your thoughts rise up like the foam on
beer
And your knees get weak
md your voice gets strong.
A7- I'm laugh all night at some darned fool
song:
You're drunk by s,~ksi You're DRUNK
Unfortunately, the political scheme
of this country does not delegate the
Interpretation of the country's laws. to
verse makers, no matter how soulful
and earnest they may be. When the
statute books are silent the poets may
well follow their example, out of re-
spect, il for no other reasOn-unless,
indeed, their Pegasus has been drinking
deep from wicker covered bottles.
To enforce the law; to interpret it
after FIRST aid" man on the job
fashion; to care for the welfare of a
man who is overlook with liquor" Gas
Kipling's Mulvaney phrases it), are
among the duties OF the San Francisco
police department. Here it is well to
go when other sources of information
fail. Taking the advice of Horace
Greeley, or some other sage, we will
tell our troubles to a policeman"
Chief John B. Martin has had ex-
perience from patrolman clear up to
the top of the department AS SER
geant the Barbary coast, with its rocks
and whirlpools, was in his district.
He patrolled ii at all hours OF day and
night. and blew his merry whistle a la
Robin Hood for the ample girthed pa
trolmen. He saw many things.
Chief, when is man drunk?"
When he is menace to himself
or nuisance to the public, or both,
on account of the alcoholic liquor he
has imbibed. That is our viewpoint
Its the only one that could appeal to