davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Was All Riaht.

Howard that | would be detained at
the office until midnight?
Office Boy-Yes, sir
And what did she say2"
Said she didn't blame you-she had
made an engagement to go to the the
ater tonight herself Smart Set.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Han No lmaaination,

Mistress-"What kind of a time did
you have?"
Maid (rapturously)-"A drame of a
tonne"
Mistress (surprised) dreaml
thought 1t was q wake."-Baltimor
American.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Food for Thouqht.

Wife-"My dear, the hens have
scratched up all that egg plant seed
you sowed."
PROFESSIONALLY! jealousy"
(And he wrote a 2O-page article on
the Development of Envy in the
Minds of the Lower Grade of Bipeds.)
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
The Ancient Egyptian.

For a long time the visitor to the
great museum stood gazing at the
Egyptian mummy swathed in band.
ages.
Tell me one thing he ventured.
What is it, sir?" asked the guide.
WAS it automobile or aeroplane
accident ?"-Chicago News.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
sPoHN's DIsTEMpER CJJRE will

SPOHN'S DISTEMPER CURE will
cure any possible case of DISTEMPER.
of all ages, and prevents all others in the
same stable from having the disease. Also
cures chicken cholera, and dog distemper.
Any good druggist can supply you, or send
to mfrs. 80 cents and $l.00 bottle. Agents
wanted. Free book. Spohn Medical Co..
Spec. Contagious Diseases. Goshen, Ind.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
What He Calls Himself.

Willie-Father, a man Is always
bachelor before he gets married, isn't
he?
Father-Yes, my son.
Willie-And what does he call him.
self afterwards?
Father wouldn't like to tell you,
my son-Brooklyn Life.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Hadn't Come His WAY.

ut is reported that there are more
bank notes in circulation now than
ever before in the history of the coun.
try"
Have you found out where they ara
circulating?"
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Discouraqinq.

George" said her husbands wife,
4 don't believe you have smoked one
of those cigars I gave you on your
birthday"
That's right, my dear" replied his
wife's husband. I'm going to keep
hem until our Willie wants to learn
to smoke"
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
A Matter of Conscience.

Bessie wonder why several OF the
men at the wedding the other night
didn't congratulate the bridegroom?
james, suppose it was because
they were all married themselves.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10

Anyway Eve never had occasion to
marry Adam by asking two or three
times a day II she was the only
woman he ever loved
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
To Put II Mildly.

"They say he has a swelled head"
81 must admit that he seems to ap.
preciate himself very much"
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10

Thousands of country people know that
in time of sudden mishap or accident
Hamlins Wizard Oil is the best substi-
1t is so often found upon the shelf.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Certain Evidence,

HAS the Outlook come this week."
II haven't heard it yet"-Life.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10

A man ought to know a great deal
to acquire a knowledge Of the i'm
mensity Of his ignorance.-Lord Pal
merston.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10

Shrinking from suffering may be
fleeing from strength.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10
Your Liver's
Your Life

A dead liver means awful sick.
ness-don't let il come-when
it can be prevented. Cascarets
keep the liver lively and bowels
regular and ward off serious,
fatal illness. 90,
cAScARErs-Iocb ox-week's treat
ment. All druggists. Biggest seller
In the world. Million boxes q month.
The Garland globe. [volume] (Garland, Utah) 1906-191?, 1910-12-10

ton unable to avail in international mari
time business of this great contribution to
the means of the worlds commercial in
tercourse"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

the work. But perhaps the average
farmer has not considered the COM
mercial value of his trees.
The writer spent some time at a
small hotel in a village in southeastern
Missouri a few years ago and was de-
lighted with the big open fireplace in
the hotel Office. Roaring fires were
In front or at the side and watch the
flames suck upward. Only wood was
burned-no coal-and that made the
real delight of the open fire.
One day the writer saw the hotel
man bring in several huge log cuts
and dump them by the fireplace. The
landlord put on a log now and then
and achieved a fine fire. The burning
logs threw off a faint, peculiar scent
which seemed familiar-a memory Of
boyhood. Investigation discovered
that the log cuts were of splendid,
perfect walnut-one of the scarcest
woods nowadays. Any big walnut
tree is worth many dollars more for
cabinet work than for fuel, as it
would seem almost anybody should
know by this time. That man burned
up about 5000 worth of walnut.
1t is well always to bear in mind
that the fine big tree you are cutting
down and cutting up for fuel DR. fence
rails possibly might bring you as
much us a load of wheat OF corn if
you would haul it to the nearest mar
kat
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
A Unique Home.

In Sweden and Norway there r
several homes for spinsters. One
of these at least is as attractive as
it is unique. 1t is a monument to
the memory of an exceedingly
wealthy old man who, dying more
than 200 years ago, left the major
part of his fortune to the old maids
among his descendants. A superb
home was built, furnished and man
aged by ~salaried trustees. 1t flour
ished and has continued. Any I'M
married woman who can prove
blood relationship to the founder of
the institution is entitled to admis-
sion to the home. She is given a
suit of rooms, a servant, private
meals and is subject to no rules save
such as ordinary good behavior de-
mands.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
FIRST AID.
A Case Where 1t Wss Applied Not
Wisely. but Too Well.

~N
An extremely ludicrous incident oc-
Cured in a fashionable church on a re-
cent Sunday. A young lady, evidently
a stranger, of a naturally pale com
p1exion, accidentally let her handker-
chief fall on the floor. BY repeatedly
STOPPING to reach it furtively she at
tracted the notice of a gentleman in
the pew behind, who thought she was
about to faint.
With the best of motives, therefore,
he took her gently under the arms and
raised her up, greatly to her surprise.
AS she tried to release herself another
gentleman went to her assistance, and
before the young lady knew what was
the matter they were moving her out
into the aisle.
Naturally she was too much aston
ished to find words for protest, and
they had managed to half carry. half
lead, her some distance when she di-
rected an appealing look to another
gentleman in a pew, as if asking him
to help also. He, too, promptly rose
from his seat and helped to lift her up
and carry her into the vestry room
There, as the three off1cious but well
meaning gentlemen were trying to force
the now thoroughly eXasperated lady
into an armchair. she recovered her
powers of speech, and the verbal eX-
plosion that followed, while it cleared
away the misunderstanding, moved the
very meek men who passed out of the
vestry to mutter in unison, "Never
againw
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
Ii Didn't Work.

A man who lives far uptown In New
York is not sure whether the joke is
on him or on his wife. Here is how
he tells it:
"One night last week l thought l
heard some one prowling about the
house, and as there have been a num-
Der Of houses broken into lately | con-
cluded that the noise was made by
burglars. AS I sat up in bed listening
! CHANGED to glance into the next room.
the door Of our bedroom being open,
and there, sure enough, stood a bur-
glar coolly examining our silver plate.
With this startling discovery came the
chilling thought that I hadn't such a
thing as a firearm in the house. But /
determined to see what bluff would do,
so, turning to my wife, / said in a
loud voice:
"'Mary, where's my revolver?
John she answered in a voice
equally as loud. there isn't such a
thing in the house, and you know it,
"After that l closed and locked the
door and blew a police whistle"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

to think up modern methods. BY
this neglect they cause themselves
much extra work.
\ certain farmer in Indiana whose
neighbOrS mix feed for the stock in the
old laboriOus way. simply pouring
water from Il bucket into the mixture
and stirring it, has contrived Il very
simple but handy arrangement for
mixing feed. Tie found an old fiat box
which had been used years before for
mixing mortar when the farmhouse
was rebuilt. Rains Of several seasons
had washed out all vestiges of cling
ing lime. From the we'll III his back
yard he ran Il lume Of two inch wood
en- pipe which had lean used formerly
for draining Il nlarshy place. With his
boy pumping at the well the farmer
has a constant stream of water flow
ing into his mixing box while he stirs
the fe~edstuffs. Into a sack near at
hand goes the mixed and moistened
feed, ready to serve, and this Indiana
man says the cows surely do like It
put up that way. Il
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
A Difference In Time.

A traveller in Ireland. riding a horse
that had seen better days, stopped on
n country road in Donegal and asked
D peasant:
"How far is it to Letterkennyw
Now, every true Irishman, gentle or
simple, is a born sportsman and has a
keen appreciation Of the points Of a
good horse. So, after surveying the
sorry steed with the eye of a connois-
seur, the rustic replied slowly:
'"That depends"
"How depends? Depends on whatY'
asked the traveller impatiently.
WELL" returned Pat in the same
measured tones, "ye see, sor wild a
decent horse it's a matther av five
mile or so; wild that quare haste av
yours it's fully tin. But"-with a sud
Gen burst Of energy-'n it was wan
av Major Doyle's blood mares ye'd be
there noww
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
One Bank and It's EMPLOYEES.

The Mendelssohn bank differs
from all similar institutions in Ger
many in the nature of the relations
existing between it and its employ
ees. It's attitude toward them is
patriarchal, and it has the reputa-
tion of never having dismissed one.
One or two have retired, but the
rest have grown or are growing gray
in the service with a view to ulti-
mate retirement on pension. The
salaries paid are exceptionally high,
and no employee in a place of trust
gets less than $1,000 a year. Nc
Christmas presents are given, but
all employees share in the prospect
ty of the bank as reflected in its
dividends.-Exchange.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
The Way 1t Helps.

When Sir Andrew Clark, Mr.. Glad
stones physician, recommended a pa
tient to drink wine the latter expressed
some surprise, saying he thought Sir
Andrew was a temperance doctor, to
which Sir Andrew Clark replied:
ooh, wine does sometimes help you
to get through work. For instance, |
have often twenty letters to answer
after dinner, and a pint of champagne
is a great help"
Indeed" said the patient, "does a
pint of champagne really help you to
answer the twenty letters?"
mo, nor said Sir Andrew. "But
when I've had a pint of champagne I
don't care a rap whether / answer them
or notr'
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
He Wasn't an Execution.

1t was married mems night at the
revival meeting. Let all you bus
bands who have troubles in your
minds stand up!" shouted the emotion
al breaches at the height of his spasm.
Instantly every man in the church rose
to his feet except one "Ah!" ex-
claimed the preacher, peering out at
this lone sitter, who occupied a chair
near the door and apart from the
others. "You are one in a million"
"It amt that" piped back this one
helplessly as the rest Of the congrega-
ton turned to gaze suspiciously at
him. Il can't get up; I'm paralyzedw
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
According to Rule.

Oberlin was the first ~coeducational
college in this country. In the early
days it had a rule that in Ease there
were but n man and n woman in
a room at least one chair should be
between them. One evening an in
~structor, passing n of the small sit
ting rooms, was Mortified at beholding
a young man and a young woman oc-
cupying the same chair.
~Sir," he demanded Of the man stu
alent, "what is the meaning Of this
outrageous behavior? Do you not
know me rules Of the college?"
"Why-er-don't they say that if a
man and a girl sit alone in a room
they shall have one chair between
them?"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
The RuIinn Passion.

An old Irishwoman, in describing a
'gone but not forgotten" said; mike
was the foine man e%ntoirely, and he'd
be living now If it wasn't for the
dhrink. He had a dog, and sure that
haste would bring him home from the
saloon whin he was sc blind wild
liquor he couldn't see a shtep before
him. And whin he died-'tis the truth
Am s~hpaking-his ghost walked at
night, back and foorth, betune the sa-
doom and his house, and .bedad twas
SO dhrrunk his dog knew himlw
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

who ran after the cab, he had an at
tack of deafness until, nearing Hol-
born viaduct, he was stopped by a po-
liceman.
The cOuntryman, much out of
breath, soon came up with the cab,
and cabby mentally babe goodby to
the half sovereign.
81 amt got nothin' of his" said the
driver, turning appealingly to the po-
liceman.
eyes, he hev!w yelled the 1ustered
c~ountryman. "Ye ran away wi me
grandmother"
Sure enough, there vas the old lady
still in the cab and staring, pale with
fright, at the crowd and policeman.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
Homemade Feed Mixing Box.

There's always plenty Of work on
the farm as the hired man said when
his city cousin asked him how he
managed to pass his time in winter
when the n~onfarming eason was on.
The hired mar spoke gospel truth, as
every farmer knows. But there are
ways of making the work easier, win
ter as we'll as summer. Some farmers
do many things in a h~aphazard. slip
shod way, just as their ancestors used
to do them, and never take the trouble
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
Didn't Keep a Diary.

At an important trial in a London
law court one of the witnesses was
an Irishwoman who was decidedly
hard to handle. She was particularly
categorical as to her dates and told
how 'this happened at 4:27 on Tues
day, this al 6:33 on Friday" and so
on. At last the patience of the advo-
cate was exhausted.
my dear woman" said the eXas-
perated counsel, do you keep a daryl
"No, SIR" replied the woman, "a
dramshop."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

THEY SLlPPED OUT OF THE HCOSE'
either Of them, but all three persisted.
As none would yield. n said:
"The best way to decide is to blind
fold the waiter. and whoever he
catches shall settle the bill, while the
others shall tip the waiter"
This proposition was accepted, and
while the waiter was cropping his way
about the room they slipped out Of the
house, one after another, and bolted.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
The Ahducfion.

An Englishman from the rural dis
tricts who was on a visit to London
drew up in a four wheeler opposite
the British museum and, having alight-
ed, timidly approached the cabman and
rendered him 1 shilling and 6 pennies
as his fare.
Cabby, deserving a half sovereign
among the coppers, whipped up his
horse and drove frantically away.
Hearing cries from the countryman,
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
Have a Purpose.

Have a purpose. No n ever reached
great things without trying for them!
Thoughts Of what is great, love for
great ideals, daily acts done in a great
spirit, prepare the hero's hour and
bring it to him. Purpose makes or
mars life. Purposelessness ruins life.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

Pneumonia follows a cold but new
err follows the use of Foley's Honey
and Tar which stops the cough,
beals the lungs and expells the cold
from the system. @. W. Frost.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
Let Us Smile.

There is no room for sadness when we
see a CHEEKY smile.
It always has the same good look-it's
never out Of style.
1t nerves us on to try again when failure
makes us blue. ~
The dimples of encouragement are good
for me and you. ~ IS
It pays a higher interest, for 1t is merely
lent
It's worth a million dollars and doesn't
cost a cent.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
HOW TO TRAP WILD ANIMALS

40 page trap book illustrated,
picture of 46 wild animals in natur-
al c%olors, FUR AMIN AL CALEN-
OAR, gun and trap catalog, also
prices of hides and furs. All sent
postpaid for 1Oc stamps or silver.
FREE to those who ship to, or. buy
OF US. Address Fur Dept, N. W.
Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis, Mimi.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17

Hives, eczemo, Itch or salt rheum
sets you crazy. Cant bear the
torch of yonr clothing. l)oan' s
Ointment cures the most obstinate
cases. Why suffer. All druggist sell
it.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
SMALL FORTUNES IN TREES.
Hints to Farmers Who Are Prone to
Cut Up Fine Loqs For Fuel.

CUT Up FIne Logs For TueT'
Today there are comparatively few
pioneer farms which must he cleared
out of the forest. but there are many
which still possess enough timber for
fuel cutting and for commercial uses
on a limited scale. In the light of re-
cent warnings us to the menace of a
scarcity of timber in the future, farm
ers need not be admonished to avoid
useless waste of trees. The average
farmer does most of his tree cutting
in the winter when he has time to do
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-03-17
~@ The -
&
Scrap Book ! |,
Blind Mans Buff.

At a fashionable European hotel four
plausible rogues not long ago treated
themselves to a capital dinner in q
private room and had no intention of
paying for. it Having called the wait
er and asked for the bill, one thrust
his hand into his pocket as if to draw
out his purse. The second prevented
him, declaring he would pay. The
third did the same. The fourth for
bade the waiter taking money from
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-04-27
KE+c4EL.LANeFoRp BOUT.

=
CBy Unlon Associated Press
PHILADELPHIA, April 27.-Stan'
ley Ketchei, the middleweight cham.
pion, will go up against the real thing
when he meets Sam Langford, the nit.
ty colored boxer, in a six-round bout
before the National Athletic Club this
evening. This will be the first ring
meeting between the two men, and the
local fight fans expect to see a fast
performance, although it is generally
agreed that six rounds viii hardly be
sufficient for the negro to show what
he can do. The bout will be at catch
weights.
Langford has been anxious for a
bout in this city, as the Boston slug.
ger has big Quakertown following.
Ketchel's last appearance here was
when he polished off Jack o'BrIen in
three rounds last May, and ever since
that time he has been a prime favor
lite with the Philadelphia fistfc clans.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-04-27

Rev p. Y. DeBo'i a former teacher
in the slstenvllla schools who has
been located al cuyandotle. where he
is now pastor Of the Methodist church
arrived in the city Monday and win
remain here as the guest OF his sis
ters for short time. It WIS an
bounced this morning that he would
preach 1t the Methodist church here
"wednesday evening sistersyiile re-
view.
Ms. Lizzie Vance, who. has been
very III 1t her home on MANI street for
several days past suffering With ".
phoId fever, Is reported much imprcy;
ed to-day, q fact which the lady's
many friends win be pleased to note;
Grafton Republican:
Mi. and Mrs, Geo. Z. Hartley are to-
day removing their household goods
from their former place OF residence
Oh West Main street 70 the new resi-.
dence property on Maple avenue re
Gently purchased by Mi. Hartley from
Nh. and Mrs. Hill Laws. The resi-.
dence contains six rooms and all mod.
|ern conyeniences and the property Is
a very valuable one. BY the lastsof
the week Mr.. and Mrs. Hartley viii
be comfortably settled in their new
home. Grafton Republican.
Miss Grace Hodges Of Morgantown,
is the guest of Misses Edna and Jessie
Jacobs.
Miss Louise Linn, of Glenyille, is
the guest Of Mrs. Hugh Smith.
Mr.. and Mrs. s. L. Watson and Miss
Watson are spending the week in Bal.
timore.
Mr.. and Mrs. Harry Hawkins and
son leave Friday for East Liverpool,
O., to spend a Jew days with relatives.
Master George Smith is recovering
from severe attack Of ivy poisoning.
Miss Name Hagar has been visit.
ing friends near Keyser for several
days.
Mrs. George Fletcher, of Morgan
town, is the guest Of her parents, Mr.
and Mrs. c. E. Mccray.
Messrs. James o. and George T.
Watson were business visitors in
clarksburg yesterday.
Miss Nell Watson, who has been
very M for several weeks, is slowly re.
covering.
Mrs. Mary Hamilton, Of Pittsburg,
who has been the guest of relatives
here left this morning for Belington
to visit her son, DR.. Mendel Hamilton.
Mr.. "A. j. Ruckman, of Kentucky, is
spending a few weeks in this city with
his family.
Miss DaT1nna brown mas RETURNED
from a visit with friends at Cameron.
Misses Nola Mckinney and Flossie
Fleming have been in Wheeling for
the past several days. XII i.
Mrs. G. i. Skinner has been Ill Of
grippe the past week;
IL . No = v; ia N D ga
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-04-27
COTTON MlLL MEN MEET.
-.

(By Union Associated Press)
BOSTON, April 27.-Representa-
tives OF textile mills, print works and
bleacheties with an aggregate capitali-
cation of over s7s0OOO,OOO were gath
cred in the Mechanics Fair Building
this forenoon when the eighty-eighth
meeting Of the National Association
OF Cotton Manufacturers was calledtc
order. The first session was devoted
to organization and preliminary bust
ness. Another session was called this
afternoon. and two meetings will be
held tomorrow Governor Eben 8.
Draper delivered the address Of vel
come.
Among the topics slated for discus
sion are the following: Aboriginal
cotton fabrics, buying and handling Of
steam Goals, the export trade, power
fer textile mills. dyestuhs, production
increasing methods, and the federal
corporation tax law.