davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Modern Millionaire.

Price Hill want to marry your
daughter.
Grandin Road-Impossible, my SON.
My daughter has expensive tastes,
and
Price Hill-But l can crafty them.
l have a chicken farm that yields
more than three dozen eggs day.
Grandin Road-Take her, my boy. I
had no idea you were millionaire
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
straightforward.

He-You mustn't believe every beg
gar who comes to your door. She
But this was no common beggar. He
was a sea captain who had lost every
thing in shipwreck. He-How do
you know he was? She-He told a
straightforward story about how his
ship went to pieces ON the coast Of
Switzerland.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
HOLIDAY Visitors,

An appalling case of deafness was
that Of an old lady who lived just
across the street from the navy yard.
On Washington's birthday they fired
a salute Of twenty-one guns. The old
lady was observed to start and listen
as the last gun was fired; then, adj
justing her cap and smoothing her
dress, she exclaimed, Come IMP
Success Magazine.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
lqnorance.

Mrs. Wayback-And are the city
people as smart as they say, Ezra?
Mr.. Wayback Qately returned from
the city)-Well, should say not. Talk
about ignorance. They've even got to
have signs in their subways telling
them which way is up and which is
down.-Brooklyn Life.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
A Mean SUGGESTION.

Pierrot-The only way for a man to
understand women is to get married.
Flerette-And study the ways of his
WHe. Ell? Pierrot-No Listen to
what she tells him about the other
women.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Jock Scored

"Well, jock" said laird to one OF
his tenants. you are getting very
bent. Why don't you stand up
straight like me. manY'
"Eh. mon," replied Jock, I'VE see that
field of corn DER there? Weel, yen
notice that the full heids hang doom
an the empty Gems STAN stracht up"
London Telegraph.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Ambiguous.

"How is your friend Lamoule?"
''He is at last delivered from his
sufferings.''
Does that mean that he is dead
or his wife ?"-Bon Vivant.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
And He Was One.

He had title. He was old. He was
shattered. She was-well.
"Aw-my dear Miss Catchem-aw-
do you love old ruins?"
''Your grace! Why-r-yes! But, oh,
this is so denv'-Browning' Maya
zine.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
The spenders.

HOW are you getting along, Jones.
SINCE You got married? Saving any
money!"
Yes, but for heavens sake don't tell
my wife. Judges Library.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
The Same

The Same.
Homely-I believe in being good ma
tured. l even quarrel with laugh.
Sprightly saw you do that.
but | have seen you provoke smile
Boston Herald
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Sad His Lot.

Howell-Rowell is not very happy
in his family relations.
POWELL should say not His motto
is, Il hate my wife, but oh, you moth
er-in-la w!'-New York Press.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
The Higher Criticism.


The Clergyman-But, my friend, why
make use Of such. abominable oaths?
The Motorcyclist-Ab Do
you know any better ones ?-Harper's
Weekly.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19

The desire Of appearing clever often
prevents one becoming so.-Rochefou-
cauld.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Not Their stxIe

First Chauffeur War is absurdly
sentimental.
Second Chauffeur Yes; they actual
y go back and bury the dead New
York Times.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19

You will pever complain, for you will
be contented with your lot if it is located
n the Jaynes addition.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19
Advertised Letters

List of letters remaining uncalled for
in the Newport, Wash p. o. to date, are
"a follows.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1910-05-19


Beach, C Brown,
corresponding Secre- Clark, Miss Virginia
tary, Oh. o P 20 Clinton, Nettie
Dyer, Miss Goldie Doyle, E
Devi,n, Davis, Chas VIZ
Hills Day Hammer, Byron
Hail. John Harding, WE
1verson, MRS Martha Ierson, Charley A
Kaler. Claud MCKINLEY. Mrs Margin.
Mckinley, Roy lite
Mcdonald. Miller, Robert
Meagher Mrs Jennie GLAND, Thomas
Pete son, Oscar Perry. Miss Grace
Smith, Miss Jennie Vaughn. BIT
When calling for the above please say
advertised. R. 1. TowLF, P. M.
You will never complain, for you will
be contented with your lot if it is located
q the Blackwell addition.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Hon Geo. A Kellogg, of Mis-
souri, Valley, paid his respects
to the republican electors of
this vicinity, of whom it was
his fortune to meet, on Wednes-
day: Mr.. Kellogg is in the
banking business in his home
town and has served two terms
in the house of representatives
from Harrison county. His
mission among the people at
this time is to advertise his
candidacy for the nomination
OF state senator. He has a
very substantial endorsement
in his home county, which
should go far in establishing
him in the good graces of the
voters in the two other coun-
ties of the senatorial district.
Mr.. Kellogg is conscientious in
MS belief that with his legisla-
tive experience he is best fitted
to serve his constituents in the
state senate, and is finding
many friends of the same mind
as he mingles with the people
Of the district Mapleton
Press.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

which is relieved as soon as thS
irritation is removed. Lum-.
bago and sciatica generally re .
suits from strains or exposure;
which causes a constant con-!
fracture of the muscles over:
the nerves in that region caus-
ing congestion and pain
Many sufferers date the be-
ginning of their sickness or
suffering from some strain or:
fall or exposure, mechanical
causes; yet drug the stomach
for a mechanical arrangement
to the perfect mechinal the
human body. A prominent
citizen limped into our Office on
a cane with sciatic rheumatism
one day from which he had
suffered many attacks, showing
a decided wrench to the spine,
after suggesting to him he
must have had some violence
to cause it, he remembered .
fall ten years previous, confin-
ing him to his bed for some
time and mysteriously to him
he suffered with much distress
in back and leg and a chronic
catarrh of stomach.
Removal of the pressure this
fall caused, upon arteries and
nerves the case was cured (both
stomach and back) as have been
hundreds of many other vari-
this county and it is such relief
to sufferers which makes Oste o.
pathy grow every year in popu
larity.
1t cures by removing the
cause and that in most cases al
ter all other measures fail. To
deny the principles of Osteo-
pathy is as lilly founded as to
deny the principles of X Radj
ence or wireless telegraphy, al
of which are based upon very
simple but to many mysterious
laws of nature.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
BIG RACKET
On Saturday Night

Oh, Saturday night is the
night of nights. it's then you
get your pay, the down town
streets are dazzling, with a
light as bright as day; and you
hurry home with your money,
and put on your Sunday
clothes, then catch a car for
your sweetheart's, and take her
to one of the shows. The fu.
ture holds nothing but promise,
of joy for yourself and this
maid; the present filled only
with rapture, as plans for a
home-nest are laid, and you
plan how each room will be fin
ished, and perhaps plan a short
honeymoon. And you promise
to buy her Chi Namel, if she'll
promise to marry you soon.
Every new married couple
should start life right by using
Chi-Namel for finishing floors
and interior woodwork in the
Nome. Any amateur can make
the interior of a very old house
look brand new hardwood with
the Chi Namel Ready-to-use
Graining Process at a cost of &c
per SO. foot. Sold by Robt. w.
Harvey.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Texas Excursion.

The land excursion left this
morning to carry citizens of
Iowa to the "The Lone Star
State" to view that wonderful
land Of promise. In the num-
ber Of those who went on the
excursion was j. H. South and
daughter Miss Nellie, who goes
in search of health. Miss Mel
lie is one of our most popular
and accomplished musicians,
and will be greatly missed in
this community, she has been
in delicate health for sometime
and the doctors informed her
father that the only hope of a
restoration to health for her,
was a change of climate. This
decided the father to take a
look at Texas, if he finds busi-
ness prospects good he may de-
termlne to make that state his
home. We shall regret to have
Mr.. South and family leave
us, butif it restores his daught-
ers health we, with their host
of friends, will rejoice at the
change, and even wish them
happiness and prosperity
wherever duty or inclination
may invite their steps. May
they enjoy a safe and pleasant
trip and safe return to their
home in this city is our wish.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Raw Clarke resigned his pos.

Ray Clarke resigned his pos
ition here as machinest for the
C. & N. w. and left this after
noon for Moline, iii where he
has accapeted a position with
the Rock Island. Ray has al
ways been a Mo Valley boy, ,hav-
ing served his apprenticeship
here and his genial nature will
be missed by his many associ-
ates.
The ci,rca of Osteopathy
rests up,n tie basic law that
"a free and unobstructed flow
of blood lymph and nerve force
to and from an organ is neces-
sary to health. No disease can
exist where this law does not
apply.
Osteopathic treatment by
scientific manipulations mainly
to muscles, bones and nerves
establishes a normal circulation
to the body in gerC raj and the
diseased organs in particular
and nature does the rest.
Many suppose the treatment is
rubbing or a massage to the
part affected; this is wholly
wrong as illustrations; many
marvel that we have cured
friends or acquaintances of a
goitre, in most of these cases we
do not touch the throat where
the tumor is located but we
overcome a congested condition
of the organs found causing
the goitre as reflex symptom
as is often the case in female
trouble.
Chronic headaches and eye
troubles generally are cured by
overcoming CONGESTION in the
liver or stomach or other or
gans.
Heart trouble is often cured
by treatment to the irritated
nerves controlling its action
-ols diseases and conditions in
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
The weather continues cold
and generally cloudy.

David Livingston writes
home that he has made
his selection of land. He drew
number $4,000 in the Sta. ding
Rock Reservation, S. D., bu 50
many dropped out that his
number was finally 1881. I'he
land is $500 per acre. 20
miles from railroad, 6 miles
north of Grand River, about 5
or 6 miles from coal and build
ing stone. Good water less
than 30 feet, all pillow land best
soil in the reservation.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
She Knows 1t All

The telephone girl sits in
her chair and listens to the
voices everywhere. She hears
all the gossip, she hears all the
news; she knows who is happy
and who has the blues; she
knows all our sorrows; she
knows all our joys; she knows
every girl who is chasing the
boys. She knows our troubles,
she knows our strife, she knows
every man who is mean to his
wife; she knows every time we
are out with the boys, she
knows the excuse each fellow
employs, she knows every man
who is inclined to be fast, in
fact there is a secret beneath
each saucy curl of that quiet,
demur looking telephone girl.
If the telephone girl would tell
all that she knows, it would
turn half our friends into bit
terest foes; she would SOW a
small wind that would soon be
a gale, engulf US in trouble and
land us in Jail. She would let
go her story (Which gaining in
force) would cause half our
wives to sue for divorce. She
would have all our churches
mixed up in fight, and turn
all our days into sorrowing
nights. In fact she could keep
the whole town in stew if
she'd tell a tenth of the things
that she knew. Now doesn't it
make your head whirl when
you think of what you owe The
telephone girl? Ex.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Slough McGavren commenc.
ed working for j. e. Conroy
yesterday in the C. & N. w.
storehouse.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Harry Fensler returned from
Ames yesterday.

Ames yesterday.
Mrs. Beckey Mears left for
Chadron, Nebr., after a weeks
visit with Mrs. w. H, Campbell
and other friends in this city.
Harry Allstran'I who has been
attending school, at Ames re
turned yesterday and will
spend his SUNNI vacation in
this city. An, her one add
ed to our ball team.
Mrs. and Mrs. j. j. Wisecup
returned from Sioux City this
morning where they have been
the past few days attending the
Yoeman Lodge. Five hundred
candidates were initiated by
the Des Moines degree team.
Mr.. and Mrs. l.. Il Pike were
Omaha passengers today.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Mrs. Fred Orr went to Nor
folk, Nebr., this afternoon for
a few daysvisit with relatives.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Children Crv
FOR FLETCHER'S
Q a 3 z Q RIA

At a meeting of the Library
board last night, the plans Of
the new building were fully
discussed and decided upon.
Architect Colby will be here
next Thursday evening when
the plan submitted will be
formerly adopted.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Bessie Roden returned from
Norfolk, Saturday evening, af-
ter a two weeks visit with her
sister in that CITY.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

N. l. Owen and wife came
down from Norfolk, Neb., on
Monday, called here on account
of the serious illness of Mrs.
James s. Owen, of Logan.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Fred Brown had a car of fine
hogs and cattle on the Chicago
maket yesterday.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Mr.. Carroll of Texas left
this morning with a party of
five, for Brownsville, Texas.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

P. E. Robinson and son Fred
are in Omaha today.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Third Ward School.

The following scholars were
not absent or tardy during the
past term.
Willie Sorensen
Ruth Hansen
Otto Messer
Olga Sorensen
Morey Doyle
Floyd Purcell
lima William
Raymond s-cwart
Ross Reden
Edgar Stewart
Elmer Purcell
Arthur Hansen
Ethel Gordon
Ethel Miller
Alice Cody
ALIVE Faith
Elvin Brainard
Art hur Gregerson
Henry Lindberg
Ben Tensmeyer
Mary Sullivan
Francis Cody
Paul Haynie
Leland Warnock
Marguerite Miller
Oliver Hansen
Vera Coulthard
Hattie Swan, Teacher.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Are You Building a Home?

Hear you are about to let
the contract for your new house
Better wait until you can drop
in to Robt. w. Harvey's store
and see some quality tests they
will make for you with my
pure unadulterated varnish;
It'll be money in your pocket
and won't cost you anything,
Chi Namel.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Mrs. Ed Adams returned to
her home in Norfolk yesterday.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Several parties have been
asking us why the sewerage
pipes have not been laid over
two feet deep on west Erie ST.,
They say that all t h e eel
lars cannot be drained by such
a system. Now for the benefit
of those who do not know the
sewerage system which is being
enstalled at present is a sanit-
ary system only. There won't
be any cellars drained by this
system.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09
Tuesday June Z

r. G. Coulthard, who has
been confined to his home by
pneumonia, is getting along as
we'll as can be expected.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Len Mcintosh left for spok-
ane, Wash, this afternoon to
spend the summer near there
on his farm.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1910-06-09

Mr.. and Mrs. l.. Il Pike were
Omaha passengers today.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-05-16
HOW ABOUT THIS?

When you want the pick of nice legal distinctions and
moral determinations go to California!
When they got the boss grae of San Francisco the
grill, court stepped in and decided, in effect that the
holding of business by boodng public officers
was mere social amenity. And members of the city
administration being indicted for grating.
Nhen Legislature discovered that would legisate
against the inamy of gambling at tracks, and the
gambling and swindng stopped, another court step
ped in and constituonallv knocked the reform on the
ever.
When three men, boys, had been killed in the prize
ring in the metropolis of the coast people who
disfavored shows at which the youth could maued
to death for the small admission fee of ST. got legislation
prohibiting prize fights. Since then two other boys have
been slaughtered and movement is foot which may in
erfere with what Mr.. effres may do to Mr. Johnson
vice matter OF national and Importance
And it is discovered that, consutonally, Mr. Jefres
may knock Mr.. ohnsOns head off, vice versa. long
the affair is called boxing contest instead of prize
fight. This boxing exhibition is to go IS rounds, if
of the fellows doesn't kill put out the of the
other sooner and the stakes purse prize $O OOO
which, under the general valuation of other than prize
fight trusts ought to warrant dozen and more outright
killings and hence, exceptionally enjoyable time the
utonal difference between boxing exhibition and prize
fight and all the law in California will probably be found
uphOlding that nicely.
But this isn't ALL The rest of the nation might let Cali
fornia alone with her legtimized official bacmai her
track embezzer suicides and other wrecks and her
is to be in the ring when the bury barkeep maus
Stays the account negro, vice and the blood
and brutality of the actual will later be shown to
millions of girls young men and children all the
country
There no constitutional or interstate regulation to pre-
vent this. BUT WE WOULD LIKE TO ASK THE PEG
PIE OF OUR CITY IF THEY ARE GOING TO PER
NIT IT.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-05-16
A BOILING REALITY

Chief Sullivan, in newspaper interview, denies that
any unusual means employed by the police depart
with crime He says the 'swea boX' and the third
degree creatures of the imagination only, and that
only the gentle and refined art of skfu persuasion is
employed by detectives questioning parties under
arrest.
The chiefs statements might be accepted there
not too many living victims of the 'hot box walking
the streets of Spokane today The shot box" is there,
and has been there for years. 1t is dream-no idle
fancy, but boiling reality Men have been detained
IN this CELL heated by steam to 40 degrees for SO hours
at stretch. Yet the chief says there is sweat box.
Throughout the Elliott and the attack police
conditions in general Chief Sullivan has shown that he
is shining candidate for admission to the Ananas club
OF ALL THE WEAK AND FIIMSY EXCUSES AND
DISTORTIONS OF FACTS THAT HAVE BEEN
ISSUED FROM THE CITY HALL IN THE LAST
YEAR CHIEF SUIIIVAN'S EFFORTS ARE THE
GROWING FEATURE OF THEM ALL.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-05-16
OBSERVATIONS

THE king of England looks like the ear Here s
hoping the resemblance ends there!
REPORTED that England's queen has perfect
control over her husband No hope for the British suf
fragets there!
EDISON says the day will come when horses will
utterly disappear from city streets Yep You can eat
horses, but you can't eat automobiles.
JUST as we sold $40 for $1S, Prof. Koch an
that pulmonary tuberculosis is produced by the
human type of bacillus, not the COW type!
SURE, Teddy was consistent! He's going to have
peace among the nations, if he has to come back
home and build four Dreadnaughts year to fight for it.
HENEY, the fighting attorney who hurt San Fran
business by having it indicted for all sorts of ras
cality going to locate in New York CITY, Yoke him
up with Gaynor!
NEWEST New York society fad is to have guests write
their names the table cloth and then have the racngs
embroidered It'll be co. until some honest man writes
his opinion of the grub.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-05-16
PARsoN CARRIED SAMPLES.

A minister who has been doing
missionary work in India recently
returned to New York for a visit.
He was a guest at well known
hotel, where everything pleased him
except the absence of the very tor
rid sauces and spices to which he
had become accustomed in the far
east. Fortunately he had brought
with him supply of his favorite
condiments, and, by arranging with
the head waiter, these were placed
on his table. One day another guest
saw the appetizing bottle on his
neighbours table and asked the
waiter to give him some of that
sauce"
I'm sorry, sir" said the waiter.
but it is the private property OF
this gentleman" The minister, how
ever, overheard the others requestI
and told the waiter to pass the
bottle.
The stranger poured some Of the
mixture on his meat and took lib
eral mOuthful. After moment he
turned with tears in his eyes to the
minister.
you're a minister of the gos-
pel?"
Eyes, sir"
"And you preach hell and damna-
tom"
yes" admitted the minister.
well, you're the first minister I
ever met who carried samples
Success.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1910-05-16
Horoscope
TUESDAY,, MAY II, 1910.
Charge bravely In the fight.
The martial star is bright.

Saturn entering Taurus on
this 18TH day 10 held by Brit
ish astroIogers to indicate some
trouble for ireland or about
Irish affairs.
There is, also, an augury Of
political as we'll as serious
social disturbance in Great
Britain.
Mars this day rules with
great and helpful fire, instiliing
the elements Of vigorous
growth in undertakings begun
in this period, helping those Of
great plans or dominating per-
sonality and giving direction as
we'll as force to all workers
who have concentration and de-
termination.
Tho martial power Of the
time, however, is likely to
make choleric or headstrong
man quarreIsome and bIindIy
impetuous. Persons with san
guine temperaments are in dan
ger of being misled into bad
investments or Iuckless specu.
iation. Those who have a
weakness for gambling must
positively avoid cards and bet.
ting in these "a hours.
Physicians, surgeons, den-
lists, ocuIists and other scien-
tific specialists are under
bright sign, promising help to
the i'll; but there Is sign also
that quacks will be active.
Mercury occupies position
auguring excellent results from
advertising, circularizing, can
vassing and other methods for
calling the public attention to
merchandise.
The time is propitious for
lovers.
A good sign rises for workers
with machinery, fire, edged
tools, instruments and steam.
Care must be exercised in U.s.
ing vehicles, elevators and
boats.
There is shadow of evil to
come in Spain.
Schools are under good signs.
Persons with this birth date
are under aspects that should
give them a successful twelve
month, but they must avoid
speculation.
Children born today are un-
der planets that are held to
endow their subjects with great
love of home and kindred, pa
triotism and courage.