davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1910-09-18
NEW COUNTY ROAD FROM
LAS VEGAS TO SOUTHEAST
Especial correspondence TO Morning journal

Las Vegas, \. NJ. sept. 15-Tues-
day morning a reviewing board. com
posed Of DR.. +. f.. Olney, Amador
Ullibari and Lorenzo Delgado, will go
over the route of the proposed new
county road from Las Vegas south-
east. The road viii eliminate the large
number Of hills hat have always kept
travel from coming into Las Vegas.
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1910-09-18
Receipts of albuquerque
Postoflce Have Increased
Nine Per Cent in a Year

Special Directory Used for Distribution OF Mail Shows That
There Are 1886 Live Names on the Lists of Those Who
Have lit cry Addresses; This Does Not Include Those
Who Rec Mail at General Delivery: More Than 5000
Forwarding Orders Filed During Past Year.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

ture Of 40 degree. ar..
number OF blocks are uae.r, Do
pressed and dried Tor Fl $500
A third combination 81 f-r.-. I'd
made. after which There il
month Of drying, The llarf...
talns 100 TO leo sheets ~ r. t
paper and is four aud Uue.t..,.
inches In thickness. All 80. @
TO paper has been lost. rt. No.
weight. density and su.lrrv
mating the finest grained
metal.
To complete the wheel Their.
quired a steel tire. uas, h., 3
wrought iron plates 90 rrre., /,
per on either side aud rv, r.-
bolts. one set passing fFr--.
fiange OF the tire. the other 81
the flange Of the hub aud r-..
through the paper. The Iara- d.
are turned on a lathe. VIII.
reams out the center hn.a for,t..
Two coats Of paint are arrfaa .,
out moisture. The various rs-.
next assembled. and the han.
wheel is complete. 70
AS may be readily uuIers'r,f
which has received the 'ral,r.-.
scribed may he used I'm alma,
purpose for which met ur v.s
used If not too much rEu -,drf.
ness. and TO all practice. lg-..
Is fireproof.-Harper'S
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
A LAUGH ALL AROUND.
And, as Usual, Those Who Laughed
Last Laughed Best.

Common decency is cheap abroad
paid the man who had just returned
from his first trip to Europe During
all the time was on the continent !
was subjected to diScourteSy i'll but
one Instance, and think | got away
with It then. at that.
"We were crossing one of the SWiS,
passes by diligence. or coach. alp
stopped off for luncheon at some LITTLE
town. 1t was hot, and | suppose !
made rather Il comcal sight in my
shirt sleeves and black glasses, witt
handkerchief over my collar. as /
stepped out OF the vehicle to the road
! suppose. too, that the brand oi
French In which tried to ask cues
tons was pretty ragged.
Anyway. II group of young French
men waiting In carriage while thei,
team was changed saw in me thei
long lost original scream. and the way
they laughed was convincing, if ne,
fattering. They weren't backward
about pointing out the real. rucy Bit
In the picture either, and they onll
laughed harder when glared at then
mildly. Another American and
trudged off for lunch. and when We
came back there was the bunch ready
to take up the howl at me again.
looked at my compatriot and he Al
me. don't think either of us pu'
the idea In words, but we began.
I'VE began to laugh, We fell int,
each others arms aud laughed w;
held each other up and laughed. We
laughed till the tears rolled down on,
cheeks. We laughed till we couldn
stand. We rolled into our coach, still
laughing. taking inspiration for eacI
outburst from glance at the French
men.
well. sir. that bunch of Frenchmel
just wilted. First they closed thei
mouths: then they lost their grins
then each one began squirting at th,
other, trying to make out what WA,
wrong. Before we'd been at it tw,
minutes they all discovered they peeG
ed drink and sneaked off to the li,,l
hotel. We laughed till we saw til,
last or them, and then we laughed n
the way we had turned the trick y
Chicago Tribune
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
JAPANESE ENGLISH.
A Sample Circular Composed by Ma
tive Tradesman.

There comes from correspondent III
Japan this example of circulars IL
English that japanese tradesmen some
times compose:
"Dear Sir-I have the honour &c
write letter for you that have now
established the meat market ana lis
branch to deliver the meat as one OF
the branch of my Slaughter house. as
which | have many cattle. their pas
lures. their markets. milk houses, and
q Slaughter house. etc. and ! viii nave
n fresh meat with the most cheapest
price from my Slaughter house thai
other buchery and especially nuke you
many reduction for every day pur
chaser for month. beg you can soon
make me your order without you
servants commission. as you know
your servant is always making money
by your meat will make you the
pass-book for the creditor only.
up. S.-lf you handed bad meat from
your servant while you are making
purchases the meat from my market
every day. you will soon to let it eN
change by the servant without any
hesitation. Please make me your or
der, and II you can make me order by
letter | will have the postage reduc
ton from the count of meat with kind
regards. Your truly Boston Tran
script,
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
Farmers Mix Your Own Fer
tilizers.

DO you know that home-mixlng oil
fertilizers has pr, v,d to be the most
economical aud satisfactory method oil
procuring fertilizers 1t is now gener-
ally conceded 10y up-to-date agricultural
lists that better results are obtained by
buying the crude materials and mixing
fertilizers ESPECIALLY adapted to the dill
ferent crops you raise aud the varying
conditions of the soil found on the
farm.
If you will send us your name on
postal with request therefor, we VIII
send you free, postpaid, a number OF
formulas which were made for us by
the Director of the Vermont Expert
.ment Station and which have been used
by many Vermont farmers with excellent
success. We will also give full drec'
tons for mixing fertilizers adapted to
all the crops commonly raised on Yer
mont farms. When writing please
mention this paper. Address CARROLL
S. PAGE, Hyde Park, Vt.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

1T TOOK FIVE OF THEM TO PLUCK THE PINK
must be. And If I'm crazy they cant
do anything to me for killing you two
fools in my madness"
Whereupon he resisted arrest so
cheerfully and industriously that cops
had to be whistled for aud afterward
the reserves to dispense a few thou
sand delighted spectators.
At the station house the desk ser
geant asked for his name.
"McDoodle the Pink. or Pinky the
Brute. ! forget which," was James
Williams answer. but you can bet
I'm burglar Don't leave that ont,
And you might add that it took five Of
'em to pluck the Pink. Id especially
like to have that In the records"
In an hour came Mrs. James VIII
liams, with Uncle Thomas of Madison
avenue. in a respect compelling motor
car and proofs of the hpro's innocence.
for all the world like the third act of
drama backed by an automobile
manufacturing company,
AIleE tuc lOlltt udu SltlHIN ttJi
manded James Williams for initiating
copyrighted burglar and given him
as honorable a discharge AS the de-
partment was capable of Mrs. Will
liams rearrested him and swept him
into an angle of the station house.
James Williams regarded her with
| one eye. He always said that Dono-
van closed the other while somebody
was holding his good right hand, New
er before had he given her word Of
reprOach or of reproof.
IF you can explain" he began rath-
or stiftiy, why you
Dear" she interrupted, listen. 1t
was an hours pain and trial to you.
! did it for her-l mean the girl who
spoke to me on the coach. | was So
happy. Jim-sO happy with you that |
didn't dare to refuse that happiness to
another. Jim. they were married only
this morning-thOse two-and | want
ted him to get away. While they
were struggling with you | saw him
slip from behind his tree and hurry
across the park. That's all of it. dear.
! had to do It,"
Thus does one sister of the plain
gold band know another who stands
in the enchanted light that shines but
once and briefly for each one. BY rice
and satin bows does mere man become
aware of weddings. But bride know
eth bride Mt the glance of an eye. And
between them swiftly passes comfort
and meaning In Il language that man
and widows wot not Of
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
Capt. Bosardus Again Hits the
Bulls Eve.

This world famous rife shot who
holds the championship record of 100
pigeons in 100 consecutive shots is liv-
ing at Lincoln, Ill. Recently inter-
viewed, lie says: 81 have suffered long
time with kidney and bladder trouble
and have used several well known kid
ney medicines all of which gave me no
'elief until started taking Foley's Kid
ney Pills. Before used Foley's Kid.
ney Pills was subject to severe back
ache and pains in my kidneys with sup
preston and often cloudy voiding.
Viii upon rising in the morning |
would get dull headaches. Now have
taken three bottles of Foley's Kidney
Pills and feel 100 per cent better. | am
never bothered with my kidneys or blad-
der and once more feel like my own self
All this owe solely to Foley's Kidney
Pills and always recommend them to
my fellow sufferers John w. Thurs
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
A Cruel I-ke.

Oswald. a witty an5 original n+
sian. had II mania for practical il,
ing. He was very amusing 20 r
friends. but when b. talents uprag
erted to avenge some Wrr.- -G-.
was more bitterness than fun ia n
wit. One evening waeu a uW ra
had not treated him p.l'ey grpat>
ception he revengcd Alm,o. r.l
The man was slightly drforwai 30
the hunchbacks of Paris. ~ ID n9G
Der, presented themselves at bis r.
ception. They had received notice;
from Oswald that if they >5old 90 Z
this address on this evening l11
would learn of a legacy which "a
been left them.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

stopped at the fash Of the badge I'M
der the coat Of the plain clothes man.
whats eatin' you?" demanded the
megaphonist. abandoning his profess
vional discourse for pure English.
Keep her at anchor for minute"
ordered the officer. There's a man
On board we want, Philadelphia bur-
Elar called Pinky Mcguire. There he
Is on the back seat. Look out for the
side, Donovan"
Donovan went to the hind wheel and
looked up at James Williams.
Come down. old sport" he said
pleasantly. We've got you. Back to
Sleepytown for yours. 1t amt a bad
idea hidin' on a rubberneck, though.
I'll remember that"
Softly through the megaphone came
the advice of the conductor:
Better step off. sir, and explain.
The car must proceed on its tour"
James Williams belonged among
the level heads. With necessary slow
ness he picked his way through the
passengers down to the steps at the
front of the car. His wife followed.
but she first turned her eyes and saw
the escaped tourist glide from behind
the furniture van and slip behind a
tree on the edge of the little park not
fifty feet away.
Descended TO the ground. james vii.
Iiams faced his captors with smile
He was thinking what good stor!
he would have to tell in Cloverdale
about having been mistaken for bur.
glar The rubberneck coach fingered
out of respect for its patrons. What
rould be a more interesting sight thar
this?
MY name is James Williams of Clio
verdale, Mo-" he said kindly, so thai
they would not be too greatly nort
fed. Il have letters here that viii
show
You'll come with us, please" an
! nounced the plain clothes man
"Pinky McGuire's description fits yot
like flannel washed In hot suds. A de
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
PAPER CAR WHEELS.
eater and Stronger but More Costly
Than Other Wheels.

e SioH9sr out More Costly
Than Other Wheels.
we naturally think Of paper as
something lacking in strength and of
1 paper article as being fragile. =, .re
somewhat alarmed when an eucvclo.
Psulc friend remarks that the wheels
'l the car on which we are slipniuo
aIohS at the rate of a mile n minute
are made of paper. This opnortun,tv
10 De alarmed occurs. however, On
o''iy the best of railways, as paper
cur wheels, though safer and longar
lNed than any others, are also moro
expensive. The principal ADVANTAGE
Vi Wheels made from this unpromisiu,
'la'erlal Is found in the fact that thew
are not injured by the violent vihro.
tlons to which car wheels are suh
jected. SUI
Inc paper used in the manufacture
VI these wheels is known as caler.
ueleu rye straw board, or thick naper
/ Is sent to the car wheel shons IN
circular sheets measuring twentv-two
10 forty inches in diameter and or,,.
e"ch OF these sheets is spread an aven
coating OF flour paste. A dozen sheets
are placed one on the other and tho
r .os subjected to hydraulic pressure of
ooo TONS or more. After two hon.,
pressure these sheets, which have now
oecome solid block. are kent for n
week IN a drying room at tempera
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
fikKING ICE.
The Process Is Simple, Though 1t Pug
zl2d the Negro.

A sailboat in which were a white
man and several negroes bad just left
the wharf near an ice factory at the
foot Of Main street, Annapolis. and
was headed out the mouth pt Severn
river, toward a point on the CheSa.
peake.
"Ye-e-th. thir." an old time colored
man was lisping. Il like to git
job workin' round that air ice plant
and see 'em make ice with fire
"Tll tell you how it is done, if you
would like to hear my explanation"
said the white man.
"Ye-e-th. thir. like to hear bout it"
well, il the first place, they have
a tank of ammonia. to which u small
amount of heat is applied. 1t does not
take much heat TO convert the am
monia into vapOr. and even that heat
is used up in causing the liquid TO ex-
pand into Il gas, or become latent. as
it is called, so that the temperature
is not materially affected.
Now, suppose the ammonia gas oc-
cupieS Il hundred times us much space
as the liquid. 1t is evident that the
liquid contains certain amount Of
heat. which is afterward distributed
over 4 hundred times the space first
occupied. \ cubic foot of the LIQUID
becomes Il hundred cubic feet of gas
and it is plain that a cubic foot of
gas will contain only one-hundredth
part of the heat originally in a cubic
foot of liquid; hence the gas is much
colder than the liquid.
Now, this gas or vapor Is allowed to
How through pipes covered with salt
water, which becomes extremely cold,
but does not freeze. owing to the pres
ence of salt. The fresh water desired
to be frozen is put into large metal
cans and placed in the cold salt water
and allowed to freeze.
There is nothing mysterious about
the process. 1t is. In fact, very simple.
DO make myself clear? Do you
understand my explanation
"Ie-e-ith, thir, yo' explanations
plain, but | suttenly would like TO
see 'em make that air ice with fire"
Washington Star.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
no farmers eat the proper
sort OF food?

The farmer Of today buys a much
t,rreT proportion Of the food that goes
90 lie table than he did ten years ago.
Gfsa good thing that this IS 50 because
be bas a great variety 10 select from.
He should, however, use great care
In selecting for the best results IN
health and strength
The widespread tendency in the city
10 increase the amount OF Quaker Oats
eaten is due very largely TO the recent
demonstrations by scientific men th4t
lie Quaker Oats fed man IS the man
with greatest physical endurance ana
greatest mental vigor.
Farmers should give this subject
careful thought and should increase
the quantity Of Quaker Oats eaten by
themselves, their children and the
farm hands.
The regular size 1Oc package is not
as convenient for the farmer as the
large size family package at 25c. 81
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
President Helps Orphans.

Hundreds of orphans have been helped
10y the President of the Industrial and
Orphans Home at Macon, Ga, vino
writes I'VE have used Electric Bitters
in this Institution for nine years. 1t
has proved most excellent medicine for
Stomach, Liver aud Kidney troubles
We regard it as one of the best family
medicines on earth" 1t invigorates the
vital organs, purifes the blood, aids III
gestiom, creates appetite. TO strength
en- and build up thin, pale, weak chill
dren or rundown people it has 10
equal. Best for female complaints.
Only soc at j. w. ThurStons.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

;ective saw YOU on the rubberneck no
4 Central park aud phoued down 10
AXE YOU la. ia your explaining aI
he station nOuSe"
Jamrs Wuliaus' wife-h his bride ~
wo weeks-iOuksd him In the face
with a strange. soft radiance IN uer
yes aud a fiush on her chteks-loOkt-d
tim In the face aud said:
Go with 'rm quirIly. fiuky. aud
maybe ii'il l.e in your favor"
Aud then as the giaring ai-'iotham
car rolled away she turned and threw
a kiss-his wife threw n kiss-Ht some
one high up ou the seats Of the rubber
neck.
Your girl gives you good advice.
Mcclure" said Donovan. Come on.
And then madness descended upon
and occupied James Williams. He
pushed his hat far upon the back OF
his head.
"My wife seems To think ! am n
burglar" he said recklessly. II never
heard Of her being crazy: therefore
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
Stolen Joke,

The shade OF the ice baron la5 %
troduced himself to Charon 90 %:
river trip.
Quite a roomy bit Of water 'i
Styx." he commented Never i'"it
over. does it?"
Not SOS to interfere with ra''a
ton" said Charon Smi'iuI.y. "M~ "
the way. that very fact cave Ae.lS
the idea for his favor.tr joar.
You don't say. WHAT'S tire s'..
why. when II guest jo a"o"' vi
plains of the scarcity II ice Ire
boy explains that its o9e |" ..e
precedented perverSity Of The past vi
ter"-Buf'aiu Times
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

not been sick for 80 long a ili.r
ashamed 10 come into the s'sn' ~ '
physician" 49,, ts
A DrofeSsar. wishing % te''A "'
borse 20 lie a small eater, gave hiih u
food NJ all. At length. the hoiSe nav
ing starved TO death, the professor 'N
claimed. Il have suffered a great
for lust as he had learned not 1" '''' u
dledr'
A professor. visiting n sick I'r'u'.
manfred about his health. The in'"'--
however. was not able 10 reply iHe''
upon the professor. being angry '''
scoIdinr the man. said. Il hope that
shall be sick some Of these days "''
,han when Won come 10 ask how l an
| will not answer"
A professor sealed up NeSSeI o.
wine which he had bought HIS seI'
mt having made a hole In the NeNs'
beneath and drawn or some oI lh'
wine, the professor was astonlSlled l
see the contents diminished while th'
seals remained unbroken. helEhn"l
having told him TO look whether II Ia"
not been taken out from below he re-
nlied. "Why. you fool, it's the upper
part of the wine and not the lower
that is missing"
A professor. bald man and a oar
her travelling together agreed to keel
watch I'm turn four hours, each WINE
the Others slept. The barber turu
came first He quietly shaved the
head Of the sleeping professor ana
when the time elapsed awoke him
The latter. scratching his head as he
got up and finding it bare. cried our
"What a rascal that barber Is. He
walked the bald man instead of me. -
ENchnn0n
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18

A story told CT Sir John Fisher ,i
Lord Charles RereSfurl when b..
were stationed in The N-tHr-.s,.
will bear repeating. 4 rorm.-
had been held AT Malta TOR ...
annually presented by Sir John n.
known as the Malta CUP. and hr.
so far always been won hv .,-
belonging to the admiraIs Hag,n,
was fully expected by Sir John a.
this record would be maintained a.
this particular occasion. Aowp.e
crew of the Families. command.
Lord Charles RereSturd, carried r.,
instead. A day or two l.'rr Nh. ID
was practicing maUouHcrs. and d
miral Fisher. whose Reputation rs,
stern disciplinariau is wei. s-
was dissatisfied with the prr'.rar.
Of the Families. He si-uaI-i ar-
ingly TO its commander The m.>
Explain your reason for h.'., ~
In executing maupuyer." WHnm,
moments delay the answer cane. IN
are towing the Malta cup"-Du,.
Advertiser.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
HUMOROF THE GREEKS
Wit That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
The Absentmlnded Professor Was .
Prolific Source Of Merriment to the
testers of Those Days-The Source
Of Many Modern Jokes.

The maxim that there is nothing
new under the sun applies. II would
seem, more truly to jokes and witt.
cisms~ than to anything else. The chief
differences between the jests of one
generation aud that of another lie
mainly in their form. The kernel Is
practically the same. Nevertheless II
Is interesting to exhume some of these
ancient jokes and to recognize in them
the ancestors Of the things at which
we laugh today In the pages Of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writer's dearly love
to make fun OF the absentminded, un.
practical university professor, who
outside Of his own subject lets his
wits wander and Is very slow to grasp
anything In ordinary life, Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries age
by the students and graduates of the
great universities In ancient Greece.
for 1t Is mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown TO the ancientS
AS matter Of fact, the student at
the University Of Athens or at the
University Of Alexandria was very
much the same sort Of mortal as is
the student today, and his professors
We're not so very different.
A witty Greek named Hierocles. a
graduate Of Alexandria, collected some
time In the tifth century a volume of
Jests which were current among the
students with regard to the woolgath.
ering type of professor. A number of
them are translated here as being Of
considerable interest In the history OF
humor and especially of college hui:
NOR:
A professor wishing to swim, was
nearly drowned. whereupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim.
OF twin brothers, one died. A pro.
fessor thereupon, meeting the sur
vivor. asked, us 1t you that died OF
your brother?"
A professor, learning that raven
would live for more than 200 years
bought one to test the matter.
professor, wishing to cross a river
went on board the boat on horseback
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get owe,
in hurry
A professor, looking out Of the win
dow Of house which he had bought
asked the passersby whether the hous,
was becoming to him.
A professor, meeting another pro
fessor, said. Il heard you were dead.
"And yet" replied the other, "you Sc,
that | am still alive" "Well," sait
the first in perplexity, 81 don't know
what to believe, for the man who told
me about 1t is much more truthful
| man than your
A professor. in danger Of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that h,
might make his will. Seeing thereupol
his slaves lamenting their fate, HI
said, "Do not grieve, for am going t,
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he hat
trodden on a nail and that the wount
pained him. On waking he bound VI
his foot Another professor, havin,
learned the cause, remarked. at serve,
you right, for why do you sleep with
out sandals?"
A professor, meeting doctor, hi,
himself behind a wall. Some one ask
Ing the cause. he answered. 81 hav
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
Brave Fire Ladies'

o'teh receive severe burns, putting out
h'es' then use Bncklen's Arnica Salv,
ana forget them. 1t soon drives ont
pam FOR Burns, Scalds, Wouods Cuty
ara Bruises its earth's greatest healer
Quickly cures Skin Eruptions, Old
Sores Boils, Ulcers, Felons; best Pile
cure made Relief is instant. o5c =,
}. w. Thurston. "
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-03-18
A v'ife's Early Lesson.

A curious custom used to accompany
an AnglO-Saxon betrOthal. After the
giving Of the ring the father gave the
son-in-law one Of his daughters Shoes
with which the son-in-law hit his wife
on the head TO teach her subsection!
Later on a more moderate ca castiga-
ton was suggested. and three blows
Y ith a broomstick became the custom.
THE Months Of the Year." by Rev.
pemberton Lloyd.