The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1910-11-16

49, pooiANs ChfltI
buckle a bag around me and leap into
the river. The public will expect to see
me 20 to the bottom like a grindstOne,
but l shall float away like a duck. I
have calculated things to the fraction
of m ounce"
But I wish you would leave the
hundred dollars with me before you
make the test"
Syndicate's New Check.
"Mrs. Bowser. your sentiments don't
10 you credit. On the contrary, I
should say they come under the head
of r~eprehensible. We will let that pass,
however. A syndicate stands ready to
hand me $4,000 O the moment sue
cess is assured. 1t will be assured by
! o'clock. At IL l shall arrive home
with a certified check in my pocket.
At l O'Clock we go down shopping and
spend a thousand dollars. That's the
program"
IF you could spare me the hundred
now" she appealed.
"Woman. cease to harp. Your con-
dust is strange indeed. l am on the
v Of accomplishing the greatest
thing on earth, and yet you persist
emily seek to rattle me. Is that a
wifely part? When I lay a check for
$5.OOO.O0O in your lap what are you
going to say for yourself?"
but you may not do it."
"1n other words. you think l may
fail. You doubt If your husband
Bowser-knows what he is about. You
o upon this thing as a pipe dream.
l suppose ! ought to be very angry,
but all inventors have had to meet the
same thing. When Fulton invented
his steamboat his wife called him a
fool. We will let it go, however.
Later on you will doubtless render me
a full apology. l must now be Off"
Il don't say You are a fool. Mr..
Bowser," she said, "only-only l wish
you would give it up"
Heavens. but hearken to the wo-
man,
II think You are deceived in it."
"BOwser acknowledgements
"You may not float"
"Why not say that the sun may drop
out of the sky OF the earth cease to
%revolve? Why not say that I'm as
crazy as a loon and should be locked
up? Mrs. Bowser. l cannot compre-
bend you. Indeed, l shall not try to
comprehend you. The discussion will
now close, and l will co."
Mr.. Bowser had bought a hot water
bag for his experiment. A drug store
man had talked about rarefied air and
then put a bicycle pump at work. 1t
was ready for him. A crowd was also
ready for him. 1t had become noised
around that a man was to commit sui
eide on account Of unrequited love.
and many dock loafers had gathered.
The inflated bag had been buckled on
under his clothing. and his rotundity
gave rise to such remarks as:
Guyed and Fished Out.
"Oh, what a bay windy he'd maker
"And he wanted to be loved"
"If he's goin' to die all over it will
take a long time."
Mr.. Bowser was pale, but deter
mined.
The die was cast, and he didn't pro-
pose to funk.
The crowd didn't understand what
was at stake, but he did.
The water looked deep and the river
wide, and after all Mrs. Bowser was a
pretty good wife.
AS he stood on the edge of the dock
pering:
Hes a new kind of submarine"
Hes a hippopotamus!"
Hes a Hamilton and he's going to
fly under water!"
"Mebbe he's goin' down to the bot
tom to look for a cent?"
1t vas the fatal moment. Mr.. Bow. !
ser poised and sprang. He went for
the bottom Of the river like a thousand
ton stone, and when next he became
conscious of earthly things he was on
a dray and being carried home. 1t
was like a dream, but he heard a man
say to Mrs. Bowser when the house
was reached:
1.-The old boy is game. He stayed
right down on the bottom for ten min
utes. Oh, no, he hain't a dead'n'. He's
jest %recoverin' his hilarity. Swallered
two barrels Of water and won't want
another drink Till next year"
And half an hour later, when the
life bag man had regained his senses
and asked what had happened. good
Mrs. BOwscr gently replied:
Don't worry. You fell off the roof
of the house, but never even barked
n shin. You'll be singing around with.
In an hour"