davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
QUAKER NfEDITATIoNs

[From the Philadelphia Record
When a fellow is too lazy to work
he becomes 4 bohemian.
Intuition is what a man claims for
himself when ne makes a good guess.
When doctor tells a patient he is
suffering from brain flag, the patient is
always so flattered that he will pay any
old bill.
Harduppe-'I asked Bjones for SO
cents. and al he would let me have
was a quarter" Borrowell-"Yes; he
boasts that he never does things by
halves"
Miss Antique-'When I was a little
girl they used to call me Puss." Miss
CaustiQue-"Ah, 1 suppose because
you were the one they didn't drown -
Nel1-"The bride was awfully nerv-
Gus. Her father actually had to sup
port her to the altar" Belle-"And
now 1 suppose he'll have to support
the groom, too
Hoax-"Did that hair restorer do
you any good?" Joax-"Yes, indeed -
Hoax-"I don't see that it made any
hair grow Joax-"Perhaps not, but
it kept me from buying any more"
Tommy-"Pop, what els skeptic 30
Tommy's Pop-"A skeptic, my son, is
a person who can READ a patent medi-
cine advertisement without feeling that
he has any of the symptoms de-
scribed.''
Il would go through fire and water
for you," he cried. would you go
through Camden for me?" she de-
manded. Realizing for the first time
that she was 4 Jersey girl, he promptly
crawled.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

know &
While Mr.. BENEFITS age was twenty
his roughing-it outfit, and he thought
he heard his questioner sigh, Poor
mani" as she turned away.
The Saturday ducks We're delivered
and paid for. and on Monday "a whale
of fish, was carried up and sold for
a quarter.
Things were going on satisfactorily
when Mr.. Bennett got start He had
day off from gun and rod, and had
donned a business suit and was STROLL
ing around the village when he met
that pony phaeton. There were two
girls in the vehicle. He was halted in
his tracks by Miss Carries calling. and
when she had come closer she said:
81 shall want another pair Of ducks
tomorrow if you can shoot them"
She had identified him in spite Of the
other clothing and the loss of his stub
her in confusion the other young lady
reached out her hand and said:
Mr.. Clyde Bennett, don't you know
an old friend when you see her?'
Miss Clements. of course"
And as you are shooting ducks and
catching fish for Miss Carrie Moreton.
of course no Introduction is necessary"
Miss Carrie blushed furiously.
Mr.. Bennett turned red and Miss
Clements giggled and wanted to know
what was the matter.
Like a gentleman, Mr.. Bennett went
to his room and began packing up 10
leave on the morrow, but like a gentle
man he remained and faced the music
when a note came for him. When he
called on Miss Clements and Miss
Moreton, the latter was very stiff
and formal for half an hour
but then burst out laughing, the
other two laughed with her, and some
how things came around so that Mr..
Bennett gave up duck shooting and
fishing for calling and riding around
the country, and folks are saying
But folks always say a couple are
engaged when they are continually
seen together.-(Copyrigh 1910. by
Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
From the Chicago News.l

IFrrom the Chicago News.1
The increased cost of living doesn't
worry the husky hobo.
The man who isn't capable of CIV
ing advice always has the habit.
farmers wife says that boys are
almost as hard to raise as turkeys.
A woman will take a mans word for
anything she is unable to disprove.
A man can get his understanding
polished for Il nickel. but not his in
tellect.
The average man would rather be
blown up by bis wife than by an auto
mobile.
When we SEE some women on parade
we wonder how they get themselves
embarrassed at night.
One little moth that gets away wor-
ries woman more than all her early
love affairs put together.
The man who thanks you for calling
his attention to an error he has made
is hypocrite, and he knows it.
There must De something wrong with
the statement that the cucumber con-
tains 95 per cent of water. That would
leave only per cent for collie.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
HUnOR or THE DAY

He-A philosopher says: ''The only
thing worth while in life is trying to do
something you can't-and doing it," She
(sweetly)-Is that why you play bridget
Life.
Jones-That young man who plays the
cornet is ill. Green-Do you think he will
recover? Jones-I am afraid not The
doctor who is attending him lives next
door.-Tit Bits.
Stranger-Who are those uniformed men
with the heavy leather gloves and the
nickeleplated nippers? Native-Eh. Why
that's Chicago's famous hatpia squad
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Stubb-I notice your wife doesn't wear
her 500-button gown to church now. Penn
No; il was too embarrassing. Every time
a button turned up on the collection plate
the parson glanced at her.-Boston
Courier.
81 think I'll borrow an idea from the
burlesque houses for my society drama"
LAS to how?'' Have the bass-drummer
whack his drum every time an epigram
is uttered '-Pittsburg Post.
Grand to live in Florida said a guest
of the Palace to- Clerk Smith. land wake
up in the morning hearing the green
leaves whispering just outside your win
dow And horrible to hear the grass
mown." renlied Smith.-ChicaKo PnGt
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
ICE WEIGHTS.

1t may not feel like it just now but
the season is near at hand when the
ice man will begin to make his rounds
regularly. With it will come more or
less righteous fussing on the part of
the much-batrered consumers over the
shortage in ice weights which are
thrust upon them. Under the statutes
It is the province of the state board of
health to ENFORCE tie weights and
measure Law, and quite recently in
spectors of the state pure food depart
ment were successful in having two
ice dealers of Atchison taken to court
and fined $25 each for indulging in the
practice of giving short weights on ice.
But because of their numbers it is
almost impossible for the pure food in
spectors to keep a constant check on
ice weights in all localities. The sug-
gestion has been made that in every
city there should be some duly con-
stituted authority to keep watch of the
ice trade during the summer and make
frequent tests of weights, following the
wagons around occasionally and maxi
ing test weight after the delivery of
ice to the consumer. This suggestion
is an excellent one and if it was fol-
lowed it would keep the ice companies
and their employees up to the mark.
Ice at 40 ceEts a hundred pounds,
which is the prevailing rate for the
artificial article that is common here
abouts. makes it something of a lux
urious necessity. And the consumers
are entitled 70 get their moneys worth.
For the most part, it is no more than
fair to state Lhat most of the ice COM
panies are anxious that their patrons
shall get a square deal in the matter
of weights. But it is frequently the
case that the men in charge of the ice
wagons are responsible for defrauding
their customers. These drivers have
occasionally teen known, after check
ing out with a certain quantity of ice,
to short-change or short-weight the
customers of the company in order
to be able to pocket some of the cash
received in sales. and still balance up
right at the end of the delivery.
Another reason for short weight is
pointed out N an article on this SUBJ
ject in the Good Housekeeping Maya
zine for May It says: Artificial ice,
for example, is usually made in two
hIlndred-pound cakes Starting out
from the factory, the delivery man
knows the exact weight of each cake.
Fifty pounds IS a frequent weight sold.
This means s. cake divided in four
equal parts. So far so good. A man
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
AYHAWKER JOTS

Notice is now given by the Wichita
Beacon that when the Rev. Billy Sum
day arrives in that town the jointists
there must be prepared for a series If
blue Mondays.
Bouman lightly, of Salina, has been
arrested for wifebeating. He is a
negro. Yet it is without any racial
prejudice that we suggest that a wo-
man who willfully Inarries a man
named lightly ought to be able to take
care of herself.-Minneapo MeSsen-
ger.
While the various cities of Kansas
are boasting in regard to their growth,
the bankers colony at Leavenworth
should not be overlooked, says the
Lawrence World. This thriving COM
munity is rapidly increasing in num-
bers and its additions are men &C
customed to dealing with large enter
prises. 1t is now confidently expected
that some prominent bankers in Pitts
burg. Ia, will be the next to take UP
their abode in the confines of this
thriving settlement.
Harry Kemp is now eat home at
his tent up the river near the cutoff,
thus having established himself. after
the manner of the New York million
aires, at his summer home, having the
watering reSart features thrown in for
nothing Harry is hard at work now
on some poetry and he doesn't desire
to have company all the time. He is
thinking Just now of issuing cards for
his ''at home days. Harry said this
morning that all the company he has
had so far are some little mud hens
who, he says, should be an example to
everyone for happy domestic felicity.
One of his latest poems. by the way,
"Insouciance n Storm published in
the American. has been republished by
the Literary Digest as one of the best
of recent poems--Lawrence Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Naturally, there being reason for
everything, some of them are mighty
poor ones.
< x
A man never has any trouble finding
friends to share his joys but with his
sorrows it's different.
= x
The search will also be long one
for the individual who has been brought
good luck by finding a horseshoe.
x :; X
Styles change so fast, especially m
the feminine world, that only a few
women are speedy enough to keep up
with them.
x
People like to blame their faults and
vices on heredity but they look upon
their virtues as purely personal at
tributes.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

lFNrom the New York Press.l
a woman's heart is most of her body
and all of her head.
A man could make a lot of money
betting against his own success.
The prettier a girl isn't the crazier
she is to give some man she likes her
photograph
Once a. man gets it into his head he's
a lady killer he's an easy mark for any
Of them
Most people are SO busy being good
to themselves they haven't time TO be
even decent to anybody else.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Following their usual custom of get
ting on the job after some one else has
pointed the way the members of the
Kansas board Of railroad commission
ers are now talking of ordering a re-
duction in Pullman rates for upper
berths- 1t appears that the commits
sioners have been thinking about this
very thing for some time but they
waited until he interstate commerce
commission took an important hand in
the game.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Now that Nelson w. Aldrich, senior
United States senator from Rhode
Island, has let it be known that he in
tends to retire from public life within
a years time, there will be many a
laudatory article written on what a
great statesman he is. And those who
ave been shouting the loudest against
that myth called "Aldrichism' will be
saying the incest things about him.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Newspaper enterprise is an admir-
able thing but it is sort of rubbing *
in these days when it goes to the extent
of recalling the fact that fifty odd
years ago beefstea1 of the highest
quality could be purchased right here
In Topeka for from to cents a pound
and bacon went begging at 10 cents a
pound. But 1t is also likely that money
was so scarce in Topeka in those days
that meat. even at such low prices, was
something of q luxury.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Is the fair to be held here this fall
going to be of state proportions? Well,
rather Prizes and premiums of the
value of $4,000 are going to be hung
up. But the project still needs some
boosting and the only way to help it
along now lies in further contributions
to the fund which is needed to establish
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

All that criminal appears to need
these days to work his way out CT
prison is an ability to write a verse or
two of poetry. or something that will
pass for it. Following the precedent
set in Kansas a Minnesota convict has
been given his liberty for a no better
reason than that he is something of a
yersifier. On the other hand, the de-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
ERON OTHER PENS
LEGISLATION BY COMMITTEE.

LEGISLATION BY COM M1IlEE
Such a volume of impracticable pro-
positions are sure to be presented to
any legislative Body that the practice
of referring bills to committees for
consideration grew up from experience
and necessity. There can be no ques-
ton that ''inexpedient to legislate" has
been of untold value to legislative
bodies and to the people as well. But
the practice of referring bills to COM
rnittees has been found capable OF
abuse, and it has happened too often
that measures worthy of consideration
by the entire body have been "smoth-
ered'' in committees. 1t is not impos-
sible, indeed, for four or five mem
bers of a committee, or the chairman
alone, to Illustrate the will Of a major
ity of the entire legislative body. 1t
is to remedy such a situation, while
still recognizing the committees as
necessary to the carrying on of the
work of legislation, that Congressman
Sherley of Kentucky has made his
suggestion that the House resolve 1T
self into a general rules committee on
one day of the each month. He pro-
poses that for this day special cal
endar shall be prepared to be known
as the rules calendar. Any member
who serves notice in writing six days
in advance may have placed on this
calendar a resolution to discharge a
committe of any particular bill.-Man-
chester Uuion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Felicitous acknowledgements should
be extended to the clouds and the winds
which have so far succeeded in keeping
the killing frosts away from this vicin-
1ty. The housewives with their cellars
full of empty glass jars are beginning
to take hone again
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

The City club OF Chicago is to start
& crusade against the present high cost
of dying In other words, its members
think the charges of undertakers are
altogether too exorbitant. Unlike the
cost OF living, however, the cost of dy-
ing does not fall personally on the in
dividual who plays the stellar role in
the proceeding.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
Sunfower Siftings.
HARD INDEED

Will Duling had the misfortune to
lose valuable mare last saturday go
ing home from town. The mare began
to stagger and before VIII could get
her unhitched from the buggy she fell
dead. She had a colt about three
weeks old. Hard luck. RiIl.-Almena
Plaindealer.
Last week Friday late at night when
everybody was sleeping tight, some Wis
itors were at Toepfer's new house.
They all kept just as still as a mouse.
If you know what they did do not tell
others. For they smelled like the
Helms, or Dick and Brothers.--lslli
Co. News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

If you have not subscribed to the
s tie fair fund be prepared for the So
hcitors who will visit you on Thursday.
And if you have subscribed take an
other look at your finances and see il
you cannot double your subscription.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

From the numerous changes which
have been made in the personnel of the
police force by Chief Jenkins it is safe
to say that if former Chief Eaton
should visit the station house he would
feel like a stranger in a strange land.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Of all thu state officials it would
seem that Charles Shukers, assistant
attorney general, has quite the most
difficult job. 1t is his special duty to
keep the prohibitory lid at Leavenworth
securely fastened down.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Explanations are now in order from
those people who were wisely wagging
their heads two or three weeks ago and
insisting that the unusually warm
weather Of that period was due to the
proximity of Halley's comet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

The easiest way to get rid of the cen
sus enumerator is to answer his ques-
tfons prom pity and politely. Remem-
her he's only a human being and If you
fuss with him he is likely to fuss back.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

The Vatican is still issuing state
nents about the Roosevelt incident.
And everybody else appears to have
forgotten it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

mand is pretty general that, many of
the poets, alleged and otherwise, of the
present era, be placed in confinement.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

In days of old he ruled supreme
A Lord Of mules and micks;
And as he ruled he'd often dream,
But not of drills and picks
His dream came true. no longer he
Works Tarriers for their board
He's guardian now, for you and me
All Kansas is his ward.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

1t is being referred to now by the
Chicago Tribune as 1.-The HearstwtiIa
Impenitent league
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Perhaps that Michigan miner who
ended it all for his family and himself
by expl ding sticks of dynamite under
their beds did it for the purpose of
making a sure start in the direction 10
the regions above.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

In pursuance of a popular custom,
we will now establish a Puzzle De-
partment. a Picture Puzzle will be
submitted in this column every day
some days. No newspaper is complete
without some skin game to boost the
circulation, and this Puzzle Depart
ment is guaranteed to fill a long-felt
want In this contest suitable prizes,
such as tin clocks and 13-cent meat
choppers will be awarded the success
full ontestants-PROVIDI said
contestants send in with their guesses
IS new subscriptions to this paper for
every guess. If the subscriptions are
not overlooked. each guess will be re-
corded as correct, whether it is or not
Contestants for these grand prizes
should write ON one side of the paper
the outside. Not more than 81
members of any one household will be
permitted to submit guesses. (This
bars the State hospitaL)
REMEMBER, this puzzle requires
serious thought. but to make 1t little
easier for the contestant. we offer this
slight hint: The picture represents
some state official and the beautiful
md touching poem under the picture
is descriptive.
Address all answers Gard checks) to
Puzzle Editor.
P. s. Don't forget the subscriptions
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Washburn students will have to be
awarded one of the medals for optin-
ism. They believe their football team
is going to win all of its games next
fall
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
THE BOOSTERS.

There is q difference between town
boosters. Here's the test to determine
who the real artist is: Ask any mer.
chant in town If we viii have any or
the things needed here, paved streets,
a new depot, a court house. river
bridge. If he says eyes We'll have
them We've got to have them and
we're going to get them. He is one
of your town boosters.
The merchant or citizen who says ne
doesn't believe we are ready for them
or who temporizes about the answer,
is the fellow who thinks these things
can not be accomplished. Granted
that at heart he is for them, still he Is
not putting his heart in the work of
making his town better. He's not
builder.-Great Bend Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

The agitation for the installation OF
a smoke consumer on the state heat
ing plant is responsible for this query
from a Topeka woman:
"I would like to know if these
smoke consumers are made in sizes
suitable for attachment &C. a husband.
Mine fills the house so full Of smoke I
have to break it up in Jumps to carry
it out"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

1t may be observed. also, that thi
town is full of steady young men.
fact, some of them are so steady tina
they are almost stationary.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
Gle O'Patra

Gle O'Patra
Became a total wreck.
Then she hired a little ra.tlesnake to
bite her on the neck.
1t was thus she croaked in style-and
remained so quite a while.
And with her croaked the frogs along
the Nile.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20
KANSAS CONTENT
TRADITION sMAsHING.

Wherever T. Roosevelt stops, he
| notches his tree.
Roosevelt stopped a day or two in
Egypt, the slowest country on earth,
perhaps. and in those few days he di-
vested himself of a few truthful, direct
: merican remarks which set that coun-
Try IN such stir as 1T had not known
Tor long time.
It seems to have been a novel SEN
satdon for those people to have any
one IN their midst with the native
born frankneSS to speak out his mlnd'
and call an assassin by his right name;
Roosevelt's next stop was Rome, ana
hardly had he landed in that famous
and eternal city before it developed
that Roosevelt's American ideas of IN
dependence had put him at outs with
his holiness, the pope.
As to the merits of that controversy,
there Will PROBABLY never be any agree
ment, but this much will be admitted:
1t was q characteristic Roosevelt cpl
sode- - ns
Roosevelt's chief characteristic is his
disregard of tradition. and people who
ceal with him might as we'll take that
fact into consideration.
Roosevelt does not bow down before
kings. He sits down beside them in a
chummy fashion and tells stories about
rhinoceros hunting. He will not walk
backwards when he leaves the presence
of the German emperor, but will pro
badly slap him on the back, and invite
him to- come over and hunt bears IN
Texas. He will not pc awcd by the
presence OF the king of England, but
will doubtless join him in a friendly
game OF pitch.
Roosevelt even refused to bow down
to the great and mighty senate of the
United States. Anyone who under
takes to drive Roosevelt to water VIII
find his hands full. Roosevelt general
~ prefers to do the driving himself.
It is highly probably that Roosevelt
will smash a few more traditions be-
fore he gets through with this Euro
pean tour. He viii conform to custom
SO long as conformity does not con-
7ict with his idea of what is right,
and then there will be a loud, ripping
sound. ana Roosevelt will be found
standing outside of conventionalities,
calmly wiping the slight appearance of
Precipitation from his brow.-Salina
Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

Gle O'Patra
Was Irish (by her namel-
But when she met one Anthony she
tried to change the same;
She couldn't make it yet-he was mar
ried ere they met,
So he told Miss Gle O'Patra to forget.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-20

81 intended to absorb a full quart
last night says Jack Supp, but Hi
links swiped my bottle before I got
to it. and went on a substi-toot''