The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-06-03
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about you. STRAY Stories.
"Good heavens! What is the mat
ter?" "The people ON the second story
have gone away and left their auto
piano playing g"-Fliegende Blaetter.
Mistress-Anna, you've been wear
ing my patent leather shoes again.
Anna-So sorry, ma'am, but | always
mistake them for my rubbers.-Meg-
gendorfer Blaetter.
Willie-Ma, can't / go out on the
street for little while? Tommy Jones
says there's a comet to be seen. Moth
er-Well, yes; but don't you go too
near-Boston Transcript.
do you give your wife an allow
ance?" ''Yes." How much do you
allow herr" Don't you think 1t is
rather impertinent for you to ask what
my salary is?"-Houston Post.
But why do you put your friends
things in the dining room?" "Oh, he
is so used to restaurants that he won't
enjoy his dinner unless he can watch
his hat and coat."-Louisville Courier
Journal.
Motorist-As it is my fault that you
were upset, / will make good your
damage at once. How much do you
want? Victim-How much does the
gracious gentleman usually pay?-Flie-
gende Blaetter.
Post Office Clerk-You've put two
penny stamps on your letter. The post
age is only one penny. Old Irishman
Sure, niver mind. My sons liz the
post office, so it'll all help towards his
! wages.-Tit-Bits
Died in poverty" cried the philos-
opher, scornfully. "Died in poverty.
did he, an you expect me to sympa-
thize? Gorstrooth, what is there In
dying in poverty? I've got to live in
it. Sporting Times
Hubby-Tm really quite proud of
you. You've actually saved some
money out of your allowance. Wife
Yes. 1t was so simple! l wish l had
thought before to have things charged.
1 Chicago Daily News.
Miss Sweet-It is just the sort Of en-
gagement ring / preferred. None of
my others were nearly SO pretty. How
thoughtful of you! George at all,
dear This is the ring | have always
used. kansas City Journal.
"Yes, l was fined $500 for putting
coloring matter in artificial butter"
"Well, didn't you deserve it?" per
haps. But what made me mad was
that the judge who imposed the
fine had dyed -whiskers. Cleveland {
Leader.
"Shes going on the stage" ''Is that
so? She can't sing, and never saw
her act" II know but that's all she
can do. Her husband deserted her,
and she never learned to work at any
thing before she married" Detroit
Free Press.
please, ma'am," said the servant
there's poor man at the door with
wooden legs" "Why, Mary" answered
the mistress, in reproving tone,
what can we do with wooden legs?
Tell him we don't want any."-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
"Well here I am" announced the
fashionable physician in his breezy
way "And now what do you think
is the matter with your" Doctor, !
hardly know" murmured the fashion
able patient. "What is new?'-Louis-
vile Courier-Journal.
II am told that King Edward sends
daily message to his chef compli-
menting him ON his dinner" 'Yes,"
answered Mr. Crosslots, I'VE are all Of
one common humanity. Even king
has to go out of his way to jolly the
cook. Washington Star. u.
Visitor-It must be gigantic task
Editor-Not at all It's the easiest
thing in the world. Dozens of my
! friends as well as perfect strangers
come in here every day to tell me how
to run it.-Chicago Tribune.
Seymour Why did you leave Flan-
nigan's boarding house? Ashley
There was too much sleight-of-hand
work going on. Seymour-Sleight-of-
hand work? Ashley--Yes; Mrs. Flan-
nigan got the coffee and the tea from
the same pot.--Chicago News.
The Judge-Did you arrest this
chauffeur for speeding? The Police
man-No, yer honor; ! pulled i'm In
, fer obstructin' TIL road; he was goin'
thirty miles an hour, an he was COM
planned about by them that was riding
at tn regular rate.-Chicago News.
: Dying Plumber Ito son)-You'll find
ain't bin able to leave you much
money Bill; it's all got to go to yer
mother and sisters But I've be-
queathed you that there job at Mug
ley's we've bin at such time. Don't
, 'urry over it, Bill, and it'll always keep
, you out of want, anyway.-Tit-Bits
Honey, can't find a retraetion Of
/ that story about your sisters elope-
ment with the Chinese cook after pol
soning her husband and forging her
, fathers name to $4,000 check!
Where did you see it?" "It's inside.
my dear, next to the Lost and Found
column, and about the size of pure
food label."-Life.