The Holbrook news., 1910-04-29
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 Visitor-What have you in arctic literature? Librarian-Cook books and Pearyodicals.
 Griggs-So Tom is married, eh? Briggs-Yes, for the present. He's married to an actress.-Boston Tran script.
 Did the-ah-prisonah offer any ah-resistance? '"Only shilling, your wushup, and I wouldn't take it." M. A. P.
 Salesman-Shirt, sir. Will you have negligee or stiff bosom? Customer |-Negligee, I guess. The doctor said I must avoid starchy things.
 George-Do you think that I'm good enough for you, darling? Darling No, George; but you're too good for any other girl.=-Illustrated Bits. -
 She-History repeats itself, you know. He-Not always. You never heard of man eloping more than once, did you?-Yonkers Statesman.
 Have you broken yourself of the habit of sleeping in church?" Yes entirely" Congratulations! How did you do it?" Quit going to church" Cleveland Leader.
 How much does it cost to get mar ried?" asked the eager youth. That depends entirely on how long you live" replied the sad-looking man. Philadelphia Record.
 The railroads are discharging all men with gray hair.' Most of the married men will be safe' How so?" The majority of them are bald."-Houston Post.
 Am I really and truly your first and only love?" Queried the dear girl. 'No,'' answered the truthful drug clerk, but you are something just as good. d."-Chicago Daily News.
 Why it is that novels are so much more popular with the women than with the men?" Tn a novel the fel- low invariably asks the girl to be his wife" Chicago Record-Herald.
 Club Waiter (fishing)-I dreamed last night, sir, that you gave me a fve-dollar bill. Stingy Member-In- deed, James, That's a little high for a tip; but-er-you may keep it.-Bos- ton Transcript.
 Talk about your realism, this show looks awful natural to me- How now?" "Six months have elapsed since the play started and the house maid hasn't done any housework yet.' Louisville Courier-Journal.
 Suburbs-It is simply great to wake up in the morning and hear the leaves whispering outside of your window. Cityman-It is all right to hear the leaves whisper. out I never could stand hearing the grass moWn.
 Now, Willie," said the teacher, If eggs were 60 cents a dozen and your mother had 20 cents, how many eggs would you have for breakfast?" "No eggs," answered Willie. Wed have mush. Washington CD. O. Herald.
 Tommy-What did you think of the play Julius Caesar" last night? Billy Oh, it was fake. Why so?" Cause when they killed Julius Caesar and the curtain went down, he comes out and bows to the audience. He wasn't dead at alli"
 II must warn you, dearest" he said, that after we are married, you will very likely find me inclined to be ar bitrary and dictatorial in my man. ner." No matter" she replied cheer fully. II won't pay the slightest at tention to what you say
 Mistress (hurrying frantically)- Mary what time is it now? Maid Half past two, mum. Mistress-Oh, I thought it was later-I still have twen- ty minutes to catch the steamer. Maid Yes, mum. I knew ye'd be rushed, so I set the clock back thirty minutes to give ye more time.-Puck.
 You simply cannot trust anybody" declares the lady. My maid, whom l had the utmost confidence in, left me suddenly and took with her my beau tiful pearl brooch That is too bad,' sympathizes the friend. Which one was it?' That very pretty one I smuggled through last spring.
 "Pshaw!" exclaimed Miss Yerner. I'm sure we will miss the opening number. We've waited good many minutes for that mother of mine" Hours, should say" MT. Sloman retorted rather grossly. Ours? Oh, George!" she cried, and laid her cheek upon his shirt front Standard.
 Little boy" asks the well-meaning reformer, lis that your mamma over vondar with rho hoautiful cot of fUrS2"