davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
A Sporting Chance

"Tll teach you to play at pitch and
tcss!" shouted the enraged father.
"I'll fog you for an hour, / WILT"
Father" instantly said the incor-
rigible. as he balanced penny on his
thumb and finger, "I'll toss you to
make it two hours or nothing. =
CasSelPs Journal.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

The Court-Ephraim. this is the
fourth or fifth time you have been up
before me for petty larceny. You are
an old offender.
Uncle Ephr'm-Yes, sub; it's about
as tough a job to refawm me as it is
de Standard Oil comp'ny-Chicago
Tribune.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Spartan Self-Denial.

When Mr.. D., known to be misery.
but not believed to be a miser, was
approached delicately for a contribu-
ton to the organ fund, he shook his
head courteously. but with an air of
finality.
Charity he said. lis pleasure one
must do without"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
OyercOn1den ce.

what is the title of this picture ."
inquired the connoisseur.
I" The Night Express Leaving on
Time" said the proud owner OF the
painting.
May 1 ask what it cost your"
Il paid $3.50 for it."
well. Won GOT left"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
PHYSICIANS i'm Japan.

Medical students in Japan must have
had eleven or twelve years of pre-
dminary training in the lower schools.
40 one may practice medicine who has
been convicted of a crime. All physi-
clans for the first ten years during
which they follow their calling must
keep full written records of all their
cases, and they must not issue boast
full advertisements or claim the exclu-
size right to any healing invention
with a secret formula.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
PhilOsOphfc.

The Grumbler-Seems TO me it's
about time something was coming my
way
The Philosopher-Be thankful. my
friend, lest the something which
doesn't come your way is something
you deserve.-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Watt Smatter-Bought your Christ
mas presents yet?
o. Heezall Wright-Mine? think ]
have. at lastly proxy. My wife told
me this morning she wanted just one
more dollar to buy one or two little
articles she had overlooked
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
His Bald Spot.

Little Margies father had a bald
spot. While kissing him at bedtime
one evening she said:
"Stoop down. papa. / want to kiss
you on the head where the lining
shows"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

own up, now. Who's the head of
your family?"
My wife used to be-" admitted Mr..
Enpeck. But since my daughters are
grown up we have a commission form
of government louisville Courier
Journal.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Looked Like n Dog.

This" remarked Mr.. Cane, "is my
photograph with my two French poo
dies. You recognize me, eh?'
II think so.'' said Miss Softie. you
are the one with the hat on, are you
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Rivers (who is writing an article on
imports)- Brooks, what's the rate
on automobiles?
Brooks-In the suburb where ] live
it's not less than forty miles an hour.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Not an Asset.

Crusty Artist-That picture gives
you better impression. madam. IL you
look at it from a proper distance.
| Mrs. Chillicon- KearneyI hardly
think so. Distance can only-er-iend
! enchantment, YOU know.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

How came such a greasy mess In
die oven?" said a fidgety old spinster
o her maid of all work.
why" replied the girl, ''the candles
fell into the water and I put them into
The oven to dry."-London Taller.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Not Properly Coached.

! Mr.. Tucker (having served the 9TH
ers)-Well, Tommy. what part of the
chicken will you have?
Tomny-Why. paw, you know I al
ways take the back when there's COM
pany
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
No Accounting for Tastes.

Fair Maiden-Can't sell you a cou-
ole of tickets to our charity concert
Only 81 for the two.
Irritable Capitalist don't care for
charity concerts. young lady. but IL
you'll bring me a couple of boxes OF
fine charity strawberries I'll give you
IS apiece for them.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Not Handing Out Statistics.

The Missus-Norah. how many fam
lilies have you ever worked for?
The Maid-Wurruked Is it. ma'am
I'll have you know, Mrs. Pa-arker. I've
wurruked FIR livery family 1 liver lived
with!"-Chicago Tribune.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Exceedingly Rapid.

"Were the colors fast on the new
goods you bought
Fast? My dear, they fairly ran
into one another, they were so fast
Baltimore American.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

do you regard protection as a bus
mess necessity" demanded the in
Quisitive person.
"A necessity" responded the other.
Say. you try running speak easy
in this town without it and see where
you d."-Philadedphia Ledger
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
His Status.

your husband doesn't seem to take
a very active part in politics" observed
the caller.
NO" said Mrs. Lapsling. HE doesn't
believe in going to extremes in any
thing: he's a conservatory"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Unsophisticated Inquirer-What are
the distinctive features of the game
of bridge?
Expert Observer-Too often pinched
and haggard. especially toward morn
kru
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

while We were on my honeymoon
I always spoke French to my husband
so that no one should understand u.s."
80 you went to France. did your"
--Fliegende Blaetter
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
R0ugh ON Pom

Mamma. 1 don't understand some
OF these words. What's the difference
between dialogue and a monologue?s
No difference at all. Johnny, if your
father is taking any part in the con-
yersation"
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Where Pepys Won Fame.

who was the fellow Pepys. and
what is his claim to fame?"
His claim to fame is we'll founded.
my friend. He's the man who kept a
diary for more than a year."-Kaasas
Civ Journal
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

He-Do you believe in the higher
education for girls,
She-Oh, my, yes; I'm taking les
sons in aviation already.-Boston Her.
aid.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Sunday School Teacher-Tommy.
saw you running the lawnmower this
morning. Do you think 1t was right
for you to do that?
Tommy Tucker--Yes'm. 1t kept the
grass from CROWN on Sunday.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Stnndardixing His Gratitude

Wareham Long-Whatd you say ef
Rockefeller wuz to give ye a million
dollars?
Tuffold Knutt-Tanks, - Chicago
Tribune
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Many a woman who is gentle with
other people is rough with her hus-
band
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Fortunately. most of the weather
that is predicted doesn't develop.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
Increase of Crime in London.

The figures of the London police
courts show very decided increase
during recent years in serious crime.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
English Coffee.

An extract from the London Chron-
icle proves that the English can take
joke in a sportsmanlike way.
The American opinion Of coffee as
understood in the English home is not
high, and how the coffee of the Eng
lish lodgings is esteemed may be un-
derstood from the following travellers
tale:
1t was his first morning In London
apartments" and his landlady came
up with the breakfast, and as she set
down his coffee cup she opened a slight
conversation.
1T looks like rain" she said.
1T does" agreed the American, "and
II doesn't even smell unlike it,
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Germany's four super Dreadnoughts
will each have a crew of 1000 men,
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

The woman who is suspicious of all
other women is apt to be suspected.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Looking to the Supreme Court.
There is to be no effort on the part
of the Standard Oil Company TO Sc
cure an amendment of the Sherman
antitrust law. We shall await the
verdict of the Supreme Court before
we take any steps looking toward
either reorganization or new state
ment of our case TO the public These
are the words of Mortimer F. Elliott,
the chief counsel for the Standard.
They are sensible words.
On the particular points involved in
the case against the Standard the
country has had no final verdict Not
until the Supreme Court speaks can
either the lawyers or the public know
the law on these issues. 1t would be
a waste of time to work to amend the
antitrust act until the exact scope OF
the act is made plain. All this is so
elementary that the Standards posi-
ton in regard to amendment will COM
mend itself to the country. Ii is TO
the interest of the Standard as well
as of the government to use their in
fluence to hasten a final ruling by the
higher tribunal.
Attempts are to be made to alter
the Sherman act at many points and
in many ways in the session which
will soon begin. Congress should go
slow in dealing with this statute. This
law was purposely made broad 1t
was intended to cover all sorts of oper-
tions which establish monopoly or
hamper interstate trade. Its trainers
aimed to prevent oppression of the
people by industrial. commercial.
transportation, labor and all other
kinds of combines. So far as the
statute has been enforced it has served
its purpose well. 1t has dissolved sew
eral trusts, has upset some holding
companies, and has acted as a deter
rent against other operations in this
direction. The particular vices which
were hit by the decision of the United
States Circuit Court in the Standard
case will be averted hereafter, for the
| near future, at least. A law along the
| general lines of the Sherman act is re-
quired. Probably that act, in certain
points, could be improved. Let us find
out, however, just what the act does,
or what it ought to do, before We at
tempt to strengthen it or modify it,
Minneapolis Journal.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

The use of barges In the coastwise
trade is increasing enormously.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06
A GOOD EXAMPLE.

The proposal TO cut down the cost OF
the national government the coming
fiscal year some S1O3. 900, 600 below that
which has and will be expended the
present fiscal twelvemonth gives ger
eral satisfaction. For years the cost
of keeping agoing the affairs of the
nation has shown pronounced and
steady advance and every attempt 1T
retrenchment has been ruthlessly push
ed aside.
Now it looks as if a reduction in the
cost of maintenance would have a bet
ter show. President Taft is anxious to
have the Federal burden lightened; so
is a certain NUM- Der of Senators and
representatives; but the larger mem
bership refrains from speaking on the
subject as bills calling for large sums
from the nations treasury, 10 be eX-
pended in the various constituencies.
forbid its champions from making a
show down of hands.
The savings begin with the Navy De-
partment, which is Topped off S26.OOO.-
900; the Treasury, sl2,0OO,OOO; War,
S6,000,000; Postoffice. S5.OOO,OOO. This
is nearly half the reduction. But the
knife runs along the whole gamut of
expenditures and only in comparative
ly few cases is the old rate retained.
In fewer still are the figures put above
those of the present year.
To say nothing of the saving in dol
lars and cents by the lessening of tax
es the moral effect would be considera-
BILE in inducing England and Germany
to let up on the mad race for suprem-
acy on the water The subjects of
these monarchies are maddened on ac-
count of the heavy and increasing pay
ments for the national defense and
with slight prospect OF any change in
this policy. With the United States
curtailing the cost of army and navy
this would be a strong lever in the
hands of the people on the other Side
of the Atlantic to combat the govern
ments which are committed to the OPP
posite line of action We set or pro-
pose to set, the example of lessening
expenditures for war in the interest of
economy and in behalf of peace be-
tween the nations. 1t deserves emu
lation, but We fear those most in need
of it will not profit by it, Ii is pity.
Utica Globe.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

Caller-What / like about your fia
is it's fine large closets.
Mrs. Wrenter-I beg your pardon
but-er-you've been looking at the
bedrooms.-Chicago Tribune.
The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-01-06

The twelve principal crops OF the
United States alone show a value of
over $4,000, 100000 at last reports.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
East Indian Monkeys.

A naturalist who has Travelled In the
East Indies says: 1.-THE effect on the
monkeys Of mans appearance is most
interesting. The expression Of their
emotions is certainly almost human as
they sit and stare at him. coughing
and snarling with anger and contempt.
drawing back their heads and throw
ing the hand before the face with q
gesture of adherence and other move
ments indicative Of shocked and out
ragged feelings. But predominant is the
expression of absolute horror, which.
coming from those we consider our
still degraded cousins, Is to our supe-
riority very aggravating."
A Witty Suggestion.
At the time when Thaddeus Stevens
was a representative in congress a
member of the house who was noted
for his uncertain course on all ques-
lions and who confessed that he never
investigated a point under discussion
without finding himself neutral asked
one day for leave of absence.
"Mr. Speaker" said Stevens, 81 do
not rise to object, but to suggest that
the honorable member need not ask
this favor, for he can easily pair of
with himself"
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
Treatment Of
HOokWorm Disease

1t is exceedingly fortunate that
for so serious a disease the treat
ment is simple, cheap, safe. and
easily administered. The object of
the treatment is to treat the worm
and not the patient, drug being
given which expels the worm but
which is not absorbed by the pa
tient. The drug commonly used is
thymol, and this can be admister-
ed by any physician without diff
Guilty. Certain precautions, how
ever, are, necessary in giving the
drug and it should be given only
by a physician. Thymol must be
given after the bowels have been
emptied by salts, as otherwise it
may not reach the worms if they
are surrounded by other material
in the bowel.
The treatment takes about twen-
ty-four hours during which time
the patient should remain quietly
at home 1t can best be begun on
Saturday night, since the patient
will be over the effects and ready
for work by Monday morning. One
treatment is sometimes ehectual,
though several are frequently nee
essary to eXpel all the worms.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
TOO GOOD. A SHAVE.
Il Lulled Budd to Sleep While the
Price of Stocks Tumbled.

Il LuIed Budd to Sleep While the
Price of Stocks Tumbled.
One Of the anecdotes In Joseph L..
Kings History Of the San Francisco
Stock Exchange Board" is as fellows;
While stocks were quite low during a
spell in 1873 a discovery Of ore was
made in Ophir, the stock advancing In
price. 1t was the policy of those IN
control Of a Comstock mine to keep
secret any Improvement until they
could secure for themselves a good
quantity Of the stock.
Budd heard Of this Cphir discovery
and bought some stock. and as the
price advanced from $16 to $50 the
profits on his purchases at low figures
enabled him to buy more stocks. BE-
ing quite q plunger, he purchased in all
$500 shares. AS the stock still ad'
vanced to higher figures be sold about
1900 shares. leaving him a balance OF
1000 shares when the stock reached
$50, which would have given him quite
a large profit II all were sold at that
figure:
During the recess that day he deter
mined to sell the remainder, which
would give him quite profit. The
afternoon session was devoted to the
calling of outside stocks. occupying
half an hour, after which the members
would call up. through the chairman.
any Of the Comstock shares. Budd.
thinking be had time sufficient during
that first half hour to get shaved. sat
down In a BARRIERS chair and. being
quite flush. gave the barber 50, direct
ing him to give him good shave.
1t turned out to be too good shave,
as Budd went to sleep, and the barber.
being we'll paid, devoted quite q time
In making his customer appear respect
able. Budd woke up, looked at his
watch and made a rush for the board
He ascertained that Ophir had been
called and had broken 80 badly that
when his stock was sold he only OBJ
tanned $40 share for 1t.
He always claimed that that shave
cost him just $4,000.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
The Fight Against The Fly.

All over the country the fight a.
gainst the fly is spreading and if it
keeps up, Mr.. Housefly, in course
of time, may become very scarce
article. In a discussion of thestat-
us of Mr.. Fly in Cleveland, Ohio,
the other day, DR.. C. W. Willie,
United States Public Health and
Marine Hospital Service, referred to
the assertion of DR.. L. O. Howard,
that the designation typhoid fly"
should be substituted for "house
fly" and declared the habits of the
fly, a scavenger that feeds on organ
ic refuse makes it a factorin disease
carrying to be reconed with.
He quoted from reports of the
United States Army Commission
which proved that the fly was
responsible for injecting army con-
centration camps with disease dur
ing the Spanish American war. The
report showed that the disease dis
appeared with the coming Of cold
weather and the disabling of the
fly, and cited records where
cholera epidemics had been brought
on by the activities of the so-called
"house fly"
DR.. Willie also went into the
question of the carrying by. flies of
tuberculosis bacilli, which causes
tuberculosis, and called attention
to experiments that proved the fly
may carry tubercle bacilli fifteen
days. He declared further that it
is evident that measures which aim
at eradication of intestinal disease
in any community should be ac-
companied with efforts directed
against the propagation of the fly.
Charleston Mail.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
What Good Is Father2

Father has always been the goat"
It was always father who held the
family from the achievement OF Its So
cial ambitions. 1t was father who
made plumbers that put the family to
shame. Father never would take to
the new fashioned ideas. He was
against the domination by the younger
generation. against suffrage, against
women's clubs. against the teaching
Of French to the chlidren-in word,
a natural reactionary. 1t was but nat
ural, therefore, that father should be,
come generally known as a back num-
Der. useful only In bringing home mon
ey and writing checks. - Washington
Post
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22

The passing of Senator John W.
Daniel, of Virginia, marks the ex-
tinction of what is known as the
cold Southern school" of states
men. Senator Daniel was court
ly and dignifed gentleman of the
highest intellectual attainments,
and was equally popular with all
parties in the Senate. His death
recalls q story that was told of him
a number Of years ago.
The Senator lost leg in the Con-
federate Army, and once while at
tending circus near his home
town, apickpocket that purported
to be an official of the circus came
up to the Senator and assumed to
deplore the fact that pick-pockets
contrived to follow the circus, de-
spite the vigilance and watchful-
ness of the company, and this par
ty offered to assist the Senator in
boarding the train, when he left
for home. When the Senator reach
for his pocket book, on the train,
he found that it was gone, presum-
ably with the would be circus man.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
FARM PRODUCTS

The Syracuse Post-Standard gives
some statistics anent a controversy
about the farm of the Jarvis broth
ers, in Otsego county, New York.
A correspondent of one of the agri-
cultural papers summedup what the
Jarvis brothers have been doing,
and stated that with an investment
of $4,000, only $4,000 of it in real
estate, As head of cattle, $500 worth
of farm help a year, the Jarvis
brothers make an annual profit
above all expenses of $3.50.
Though this statement was ques-
toned, the correspondent proceed
ed to show that there are other
dairymen who are doing a good
deal better than the case cited.
People living near Philadelphia re-
member the classic case of the Rev.
Josiah DIETRICH, who bought a Is
acre farm, with mortgage of ST.
600, paid off the mortgage in six
years, and made that piece of
ground provide roughage for 80
head of stock, which yielded ST.
400 a year for the sale of milk
alone.
What is being done in dairying
is a simple indication of what the
possibilities are mall kinds of farm
ing. AS a result of the intelligent
attention that is being directed to-
ward the farm, the profits are get
ting to be of such value as to at
tract more and more of the brains
of the country. We rejoice in the
farmers prosperity, for upon it we
know that the success of almost all
other industries depends.
Highland recorder. (Monterey, Highland County, Va.) 1877-1972, 1910-07-22
SPORT IN ENGLAND.
A Pheasant Run Is Not Branch Of
the Poultry Business.

A Pheasant Run Is Not Branch OF
the Poultry Business.
"A Plain American In England" by
Charles Y. Whiteneld. Is highly
amusing diatribe on the gentle art OF
British entertainment. Ii appears In
the American Magazine. and In the
course of some descriptions Of English
customs the author relates the follow.
ing incident. which happened ut a
pheasant run:
"A friend for whom | have n great
admiration took me to see pheasant
run. The place looked just like big
chicken yard such rs we have at home.
There were hundreds Of the birds feed
ing on scraps and grain thrown to
them by the keeper. hid seen strings
Of these birds hanging up in the mar
kets for sale at low prices. had bought
their eggs In the swell restaurants at
high prices. and naturally supposed
that this trade was conducted like any
other branch of the poultry business.
When you have been In EnglSnS q
short time you realize that you must
approach the subject Of trade or busi-
ness with some delicacy, but longed
to know the modus operandi Of poultry
packing among the swells. wonder
ed If they could teach our Chicago
stockyards anything. So asked the
keeper in my broadcast English:
allow do you collect and ship these
birdsp
"'Collect 'em, STRIP
ayes said. how do you kill them
and get them to marketT
"'We don't kill 'em. We send In
beaters and shoot 'em. It's great sport.
sirr
"That seemed to me disgusting
proposition-to beat flock OF tame
harmless pets to death and shoot them
besides-and demonstrates:
"'Why don't you simply wiring their
necks with q quick twist of the wrist,
insuring a rapid and painless death.
and them
"But my friend grasped me violently
by the arm and drew men abruptly
away. felt badly about 1t, because
this good and valuable host said II
would be at least twenty years before
he could look that gamekeeper In the
face with tranquility"