davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
MODERN OSCILLATION.

Three. only three, my darling.
SterfHxed. sanative. slow:
Not like the swift and careless ones
We used to know
When We kissed because We loved each
other,
Simply to have some fun;
And lavished kisses as the summer
Layishes sun.
But as they kiss whose lips are sprayed
With antiseptic brine;
When nothing IL left to give except
An anodyne.
The flrst kiss. oh. my darling,
Is sprayed with germicide:
For many noxious little germs
In red lips hide.
The second kiss. my darling.
Through antiseptic gauze,
Is truly in accordance with
Hygienic laws.
The third kiss. oh. my darling.
My loce. cannot see!
This fine wire mask Is horrible
II seems to me.
And though. OF course. axotic germs
We must forestall-
This one last kiss. my darling. II
The worst of all!
Carolyn Wells in Life.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
The Modern Way.

A couple Of young men on the Mar
ket street viaduct the other evening
offered q new version Of an old saw.
After they had passed a couple Of au.
burn-haired damsels one of the young
men took the stand at the curb and
gazed up and down the bridge.
What are you looking fort" In
quired his companion.
Pointing to the red-headed girls, the
young man answered: I'm trying to
see white NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
town Telegram.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
The Weeds Return.

"Confound these election bets. any.
way!" grumbled Harker.
Lose heayily?" inquired his friend
mo. l won ten boxes of cigars and
they were SO rank sold the whole lot
to the corner tobacconist for dollar
well. you made dollar. anyway"
Yes. but that Is not the worst Of Il
My wife saw the boxes in the window
marked "A Bargain. ST. and bought
the whole lot to give me as q birth.
day present"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Her Wonder,

And are you Mr.. Scr;bblIngton Il
novelist?" asked the pretty youn
widow, when he had been introduces
"Yes, l am compelled to plead
guilty"
Il am SO glad t. meet you. How
often I have read your books and
been filled with wonder"
1t is very fattering to hear you
say So"
4 am afraid you don't quite under.
stand me. You see l have written q
novel myself. and. I have been filled
with wonder at your success in find.
ing people to publish yours. Won't
you please tell me how you man,
age it,"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
500 Reward, 500.

fne readers Of this paper will be pleased 10 learn
~ there At least dreaded disease that science
- been ahle TO cure In all its stages. and that 3
Atarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure d the only positive
nrc now known to the medical fraternity. 'Catsrrh
icing constitutional disease. requires q consttu-
ponai treatment Halls Catarrh Cure b taken m
ernaily acting directly upon the blood and mucous
furfacea Of the system. thereby destroying the
pundation Of the disease. and giving the patient
krenSfh By building up the constitution and assist
eg nature IN doing its work. The propfietors have
, much faith IN Its curative powers that they ofYes
me Hundred Dollars for any that Il tails -
hire. Send for list OF testimonials
Address r. J. CHENEY Il CO.. Toledo, q.
Sold by all Druggists. T5c.
Take Halls Family Pills for consultation.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
A Perennial Mystery,

Average Man--These Sunday papers
1t make me sick! Nothing In them
At commonplace personal items
bout q lot OF nobodies no one ever
ieard of.
Friend-I saw a little mention OF
GU in the Sunday Cannon.
Average Man (half an hour later. to
Messenger boy)-Here, rush around to
ne Cannon office and get me forty
lopies Of the Sunday edition.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
WISE WORDS.
A Physician on Food.

A physician. Of Portland. Oregon.
Aas views about food. He says:
II have always believed that the
1uty Of the physician does not cease
with treating the sick. but. that We
bwe 1t TO humanity to teach them how
70 protect their health. especially by
Aygienic and dieteuc laws.
with such a feeling as to my duty
I take great pleasure In saying to the
public that In my own experience and
Also from personal observation l have
hound no food equal to Grape-Nuts.
and that I ind there Is almost no limit
70 the great benefits this food will
bring when used In all cases Of sick
hess and convalescence.
1T % my experience that no physi
cal condition forbids the use Of Grape
Nuts. TO persons In health there II
nothing 20 nourishing and acceptable
% the stomach, especially at break
last. to start the machinery Of the hu
nan system on the days work
I'm cases Of jcdigestion know thai
I complete breakfast can be made ol
orape-Nuts and cream and think II d
mt advisable 10 overload the stomach
q the morning meal ] also know thu
Rreat yalne o. Crape-Nuts when thu
stomach = TOO weak 70 digest othsl
mod.
sThle = vrittsn ast9 IN experience
Z mare tAan 20 yeara treating 81
vnonnap - 1hrnnaa - acute diseases
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Fly In the Ointment.

After years Of saving they had q
last acquired home of their own.
"Of COURSE said her husband. with
a sigh. "it's nice to have our. own lit
tie home, but"
But what. dear?" queried his wife
as he paused.
Il miss our monthly scraps with the
landlord about the repairs which he
never would make and which We
never supposed he would"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

Cook-Please, ma'am. I want to
give Q weeks notice.
Mistress-Why, Jane. this IL indeed
. surprise. Are you not satisfied with
the treatment you receive here7
Cook-Oh! yes. ma'am.
Mistress-Then I suppose you have
something better in view?
Cook-Oh! no. ma'am; I'm only GO
Ing to get married.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
A Larger Audience,

"Yes." unused the man who seemed
to be thinking aloud. II have noticed
it."
Noticed what?" queried the limo
cent bystander.
THAT after a woman has acquired
a good speaking voice from jawing her
husband she is apt to turn suffragette
and jaw the public" answered the
noisy thinker.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
A Fellow Worker.

"Yore hands don't look as II YEN
ever done any hard work." said the
old farmer.
Il work with my head instead OF
with my hands. SIR" replied the city
boarder. haughtily.
HUH" calculated the o. I. Il don't
want no butters-in round here"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Much the Same,

Little Willie-Say. pa. Is there any
difference between q trust and q mo-
nopoly?
Pa-Not much. my son. When q girl
feels that she can trust . young man
she Is apt to want . monopoly on
him.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

"A man needs very little to max.
him happy" said the ready-made
philosopher.
YES" replied the habitual kicker,
land when he gets even that 1t usual.
ly turns out to be something that's
more than it's worth"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Omissions Of History.

O"IoSIUn1 OF ft1tt0Ty.
Pope Gregory was reforming the cal
endar year.
Merely taking stitch in time." hs
explained.
As evidence that he did a good jol
the fabric has held together fairl,
well ever since.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Found Guilty.

Lenox-Would you call Tenby an
absent-minded fellow?
Bronx-Well, the other morning he
thought he had left his watch at home,
and then pulled it out Of his pocket to
see II he'd have time to go back and
get it-Brooklyn Life.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

Myrtle-Why do you persist in 70
peating that awful scandal about
Grace?
Marjorie-rm trying to find out II
here Is any truth In It
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

A man can't understand why Z
woman who never spends more than
II cents for her Luncheon should
think nothing Of blowing in $50 for .
hat
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Her Tribute.

Randall-How did you like the mill
AIRY parade, Ida?
Miss Rogers-Glorious! I never saw
Jnough men in all my life before
aarper's Bazaar
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
The Mllkmald ExplaIns.

What are you doing. my pretty maid?'
I'm watering the milk. kind SIR. she
said.
But isn't that wrong. my pretty maidr.
I'm drowning the microbes. SIR" she
said.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Perfectly Propsr.

What's the next station. conduo
loT?'
IT'S called Old Glory ma'am..
But why = It called Old Gloryr :
.It.a q nag station.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

II seems - though women's styles
change 80 often merely to keep mems
noses down to the grindstone.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Queens Hjuh,

Oueeno 0l0n.
Does Bliggins ever blum when he
plays cards?"
Never until he gets homo and ex-
plains where he has been"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
A Tender oner.

"Wiii you. dear madam. conside.
this tender Of my handf
mo. sir: your tendar u too touch !
ploDoaition,"
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

Cynthia-I call II an automobile en-
gagement.
Camille-What's an automobile en-
gagement?
Cynthia-one that starts on all
right. but nobody's quite dead sure
that II will be able to keep on going
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

Grace-Did Gladys marry for love?
Helen-Oh! no. She is too well bred
for that.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
Both objectionable.


agnes says she will never have
aything more to do with Gladys"
(which did Gladys recommend? A
,ressmaker or q summer hotelf"-
Jarper's Bazaar.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28

Cross eyes and warts on noses are
to be ..olishsd n I !, army.
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
dla hannx Qax

The suburbanite will have his day
Soon II win come to pass;
He'll never have to shovel snow
Nor NOW the bloomin' grass,
The searchlight. [volume] (Culbertson, Mont.) 1902-current, 1910-10-28
The Return Gift.

met n show girl. blonde and bright.
As lively as a kitten.
gave her on her acts a hand.
But she gave me the mitten.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
pintinctIx. had. Form

"Bryonia," impetuously began the
young man, II have come to say some
thing to you this evening. and am go
ing to say 1t! You shall not put me off
any longer 1t Is no joke to trife with
the feelings of an earnest man who
knows what he wants. Every time
try to he serious you change the sub
ject. 1t isn't fair to me, Bryonia, and
am not going to stand 1t any more.
You'll have to listen to me this time
I am determined"
Orlando" she interrupted, smother
ing yawn, you are doing too much
laundering in your index."-Chicago
Tribune.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Swallowed His Model.

"Object" drawing has brought new
anxiety into the schools. In certain
districts youngsters may be seen NOV
ing schoolward with hatchets, carvers,
hammers. chisels, ETC.. as material for
their drawing lessons. The other day,
just as one of these lessons was aeaut
to begin, small boy was found stand
ing tearfully at the headmaster's desk.
1--we swallowed my object" he ex.
planned, with an alarming gulp.
What was it?" asked the master
anxiously.
"a banana" replied the would-be
artist, with final gulp.-London Fun.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Dust a Thousand Feet Tbic,<.

China has its bad lands,'' all dust
and dreariness, and its irrigation
wheels. and it's soul appalling" Gobl
desert, along whose southern boundary
lies the Great wall. In some of these
regions the famous yellow dust of
China lies to depth of 1000 feet, and
When the wind blows the whole land
scape is obscured. Yet it is upon this
dust that the fertility of northern
China depends. The Chinese call it
ginger powder -Harper's.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

A certain literary and diplomatic
friend of ours once took part in a
pepper duel at foreign restaurant.
He was provoked to the contention by
the quantity Of stimulating condiment
that a stranger across the table in
dulged in. The stranger sprinkled an
unconscionable quantity of red pepper
upon his food and proceeded to devour
it, to the wonder and admiration of
onlookers. Thereupon, with studied
nonchalance, the American swallowed
an immense piece of chilli pepper. Then
the stranger added more red pepper,
then the American another larger
slice, covered with cayenne, and so on,
till it seemed as If both would ex-
plode, while the other diners looked
on aghast, the American finally win
ming out with prodigious dose defy.
ing all emulation.-Century.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Population for Mile of railroad.

reputation Tor Mile OF Raflr0nd.
According to Canadian railway sta
tistics for the year 1907. the United
States has population of SS1 for
each mile Of railway, and Canada 2S9.
France has 1870 for each mile of rail-
way, and the United Kingdom 1921.
In India there are 1918 people foi.
each mile of railroad. In tho United
States there are 1851 square miles of
territory for each mile of railway; in
Canada 1918 square miles; in the
United Kingdom 5.29 square miles, and
in France SAG square miles for each
mile Of railway.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Looking Ahead,

Doctor" asked his hypochondriacai
patient. do you think that when people
go to heaven they follow the same oc-
cupation they did on earth?"
mot all Of them. madam" said the
family physician. II shall probably
have to learn a new trade unless you
happen to be there"
But he added this inaudibly.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
suppression. of History.

Amphion had just built the city OF
Thebes by the magical twanging OF his
harp.
How do you expect to make poster
ity believe it?" asked the spectators.
II leave all that" he said. ito the
city archivist"
When it was too late he realized that
he had made a fatal mistake by iot
having a phonograph and motion pic
ture machine on the ground.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Harmless HOP.

He is not old, he is not young.
The Chinese laundryman Hop Lung.
The yellowed cheek, the slanting eye.
The humble nose, the cheek bone high,
The cheerful face, the willing hand
That serves the proudest in the land.
His back yard you may scan with care.
No dirty linen airing there!
Chicago Tribune.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

"I understand your father is enor-
mously wealthy" the young man said,
casually.
The proud beauty drew herself up to
her full height (above her natural
height) as she replied: "Oh, we'll, we
get a piece of Ice that lasts until the
ice man comes again. Buffalo Elk.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
IchthyoIogicaI Meannes..

II presume" sneered the cottagel
to the returning fisherman. that al
the big fish got away"
"Yes," answered the angler, "but
some of them had to resort to every
technicality to do it."-Detroit Free
Press
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

Don't fail to write for beautiful
booklet containing 75 splendid photo
grayures of the worlds most celebra-
ted musicians, free. See Sherman
Clay & Co. 8 ad.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
The Two distractions.

"Take off your hat!"
Rude men behind her cried.
And she Gust think Of it) compiled:
Bnt they were still unsatisfed,
And yelled with their mouths opened
wide,
Take off your ratI"
Chicago News.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Be.t He Could oner.

Disguised Customer bought cur
rant bun here yesterday. and found a
fly in it. want you to exchange the
bun for another.
Confectioner-Can' do that, sir; but
II you will bring me back the fly I'll
give you a currant for it.-Weekly Tel :
egraph,
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
wise TO Him.

Wife-You were late last night.
Hub-Beg your pardon, my dear. Az
came in the front door the clock
struck ii.
Wife-But what time did you arrive
at the head of the stairs?-Boston
Transcript.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

There's two things about this blam-
ed grapefruit that l can't understand"
said Uncle Jerry PEBBLES. "One is that
it's called grape fruit and the other Is
that it's called grape fruit"
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Bad BLOOD

Before began using cascarets had
q bad complexion, pimples on my face,
and my food was not digested as it should
have been. Now I am entirely we'll, and
the pimples have all disappeared from my
face: can truthfully say that Cascarets
are just as advertised; have taken only
two boxes of them"
Clarence r. Griffin. Sheridan. Ind.
Pleasant Palatable, Potent. Taste Good.
Do Good. Never Sicken. Weaken or Grippe
10c. 25c, Soc. Never sold in bulk. The gen.
uine tablet stamped C C. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Canine Wisdom.

Little Fido-Uncle Towser. what's the
reason we don't get any more meat to
eat?
Big Towser-Youngster. there's a
beef boycott on. and we're the innocent
bystanders.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
TO CURE A colD IN ONE DAY


Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets
Druggists refund money II It fails to cure. E., w.
GROVES signature is on each box. 25c.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
A big Contract.

you seem glad your wife has Joined
the Suffragette Club"
"Yes," answered Mr.. Meekton. "It's
a relief to find Henrietta with a regu.
lar audience Of her own. I've got a
sore throat trying to furnish laughter
and cheers every evening" Washing.
ton Star.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

The worlds largest incubator is In
Australia, where it Is used, to hatch
11.440 ducks eggs or 14.040 hens eggs
at q time.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

Has Anybody Found Hint
you wish to advertise for q lost dog,
madam"
Yes, sir
whats the description"
well. he's just an ordinary dog, you
know. kind of brown color"
THAT isn't definite enough"
"And his name Is Prince"
'That won't help to find him."
II should think II would. He's tho
only dog know Of with that name
"But, madam, hasn't he some distin-
gushing popularity or mark about
him?"
"Y-yes. sir; he likes limburger
cheese."-Chicnro TriSrre
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Economixe Time.

why do you stop here?"
II know an artist on the fifth floor
Of these apartments. If we walk up
we can get drink"
"oh. whistle for him to pour 1t
down the tube."-Louisville Courier.
Journal.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

Mothers win find Mrs. winslow's Soothing
Byrup the best remedy to use for their children
during the teething period.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

s1.25 per Word Inserts Classified ads in 80 lead
ing papers in u. s. Send for list. The Dake Ad-
vertising Agency. 427 s. Main street, Los An
geles, or IL Geary St.. San Francisco. Cal.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Great Home Eve Remedy

for all diseases of the eye, quick reliel
from using PETTIT'S EYE SALvE.
All druggists or Howard Bros, Buff
falo. N. Y.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

Piles CURED IN 6 TO ~ DAYS
PAZO OINTMENT Is guaranteed to cure any cas-,
Of Itching. Blind. Bleeding or Protruding Piles In
6 to Ia days money refunded. 60c.
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
Rare Girl.

We'll. how do you like your kitchen
girl?"
The caller queried. "Faugh!"
Said Mrs. Jones. She's not to my
taste
Entirely too raw"
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23
SMITH PAYS 12,c FOR PORK

In Concentric Layers.
Il suppose" said the member of the
investigating committee, you are
reaching now for the men higher up"
mo. sir" answered the detective, IT
am digging for the men furthest in"
The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1910-03-23

Our oil exports to China increased
from 23,ooO,000 gallons in 1899 to st.
100000 in 1909 and nearly 100000
In 1908. having thus quadrupled in ten
years.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-02-17
COL. SMELL WAS CRAZY
Illinois Supreme Court Hands Down
Decision in Famous Case.

Springfield, Ill. Feb 17.-That Col.
Thomas Smell was of unsound mind
when he disianerited his son, Richard
Smell in favor of his grandnieee, Mabel
Smell Mcnamara. of Kansas City, is the
Judgment of the Illinois supreme court.
The decision is the outcome of three
sensational trials held in Clinton in
which many letters were read and the
eccentrIcit.es of the millionaire describ-
ed.
On the first trial the jury disagreed
and on the second trial held that Col
onel Smell was insane when he made his
will.
ment and on the third trial the jury
found that Colonel Smell was of I'M
sound mind, and this opinion is held
by the supreme court in affirming the
judgment of the lower court.
Col Thomas Smell died in June, 1907.
An estate of two million dollars was
left. To his son he left only an an
nuity of $50. To Mabelle Smell he left
$4,000 and an annuity of $1,000. The
rest he left in trust for his youngest
grandchild, then only 5 years old.
Richard Smell went to court to break
the will on the ground that his father
was insane about women. The three
trials were made sensational by the
reading of letters written by women
and young girls to the old man, who
was willing to pay lavishly for epistles
of love. In these letters appeals for
money were mingled with expressions
of endearnent. Among the letters We're
some from the wife Of clergyman,
who not only expressed her own love,
but told Smell that her daughter, 16
years old, would love him if he would
send her money. Letters from the girl
herself, bearing out the promise of the
mother, were introduced.
Letters written by Miss Smell were
es pecially startling, partly because Of
their references to other women with
whom Colonel Srell was interested. Not
few Of Miss SHELLS letters were not
read in the hearing of the court room
crowd because of the language they
contained.