davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
SYMPOSIUM OF FUN
BY "The American Press Humorlsts"
During Their Annual
Convention.
Summer Inland.
Calling-calling-

Summer Inland.
. Calling-calling-
Say, can you. hear it, the call OF the
Sea?
Ringing through mountain and val.
ley, aud falling
And rising and roaring, but calling,
still calling
Always to mo!
League on league lies the land be-
tween,
Forest and river and waterless
waste;
But ever the sea.gulls cry, 10 haste
Over the dusty miles to the. green
Wide water, where We have been!"
Somewhere-anywhcrc. out of all this
Drought and dust, where | blink and
choke,
Out of the riot and noise and
Only to feel the sea-wind's kiss,
To taste the salt of the simmer
ing spray
To join In the words of my mother
speech,
And hear what the breakers say
To the shinglc and shell and sands OF
the beach,
And the .wh'tecaps, shouting, each to
each,
Across the bay!
Oh! to be one with the waves this
night
To Join with their long ranks, hand
In hand,
In desperate charge on the rocks
and sand,
With spears OF silvery spume to
smite,
And to part and meet in the wild re.
treat,
And the shuddering splash Of the
rush ashore,
The dash of the shiverinS shale, and
the roar
Through the shelving shallows-then
back to the sweet
Deep, shining Sea once more!
Calling-Calling-
Hank, how It rises, the call Of the Sea;
Over thed istance, still rising and
falling,
Loud and soft-low and long-call.
ing, still calling
Always, TO me!
Ted Robinson, Cleveland Leader
4
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
Democratic Rejoicing.

In MaSion and Mason counties the
Republicans have two different sets
of candidates for the House OF Dele
gates. In Marion the factional diff
ference is based upon a question of
party power; in Mason the license
question has something to do with It.
De believe both sides should stand
firmly on their Notwithstanding
Sentinel. i-,-,s.s... .,,,,,. .5.,,.,.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

The man who doesn't want fleas on
him must keep out Of the dog kennel.
4 II fellow. gets touched when with
bad company. he gets mighty little
sympathy even II he does "holler'.
loudly.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
De optirnists Corner
Daily Helps to Health
and Happiness
By GEORGE p. BUTLER. A.M.Mp.

Don't become a moral weak
ling and an intellectual dwarf
by constantly running to others
for advice, but dare to follow
your own Independent judg.
ment, Do your own thinking.
Take chances. Don't feel that
you must always be boIstered
up by certainty. Let doubts
and difficulties serve you as
sort Of mental sprinsing board
by which to vault across the
gulf Of failure on to the sure,
solid ground Of full success.
Strive to be a creator, rather
than an inheri,or-to give, rath.
or than to borro.s. Instead Of
WELDING the rusted sword Of
your parents or grandparents,
forge your own weapons and
fight your own battles. Instead
Of being one Of the foiIed poten.
tlalitles, Of which the world Is
so fuIl-one Of the suhjunctlve
I. heroes, who always might, could,
would, or should do great things,
but whose not doing great
things Is what nobody can un.
derstand-be In the imperative
mood, and do that Of which your
talents are Indicative. Learn
this lesson Of self.relIanee and
act on II, and you WIN discover
Within yourself the elements Of
success, honor and happiness
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
FlIosotlck FooIishness

When an actress comes in at tie
door love flies out at the widnow.
Tomorrow is yesterday with hole
in 1t.
Opportunity is, something your hind
sight shows to you.
Men with money to burn are the
ones who usually blunder along in the
dark.
People in glass houses should pull
down the blinds.
Lightning never strikes twice in the
same place-once is enough.
He who laughs last gratis best.
Man wants but little here below
and is not disappointed.
Uneasy lies the head that pays for
the headgear.
Newton Ncwklrk, Boston Post
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

from their honeymoon.'
Shall we advertise gorge as well
as lake,"
Make it rayine. Some people
think gorge means lot to eat
Pittsburg Post.
whats the matter with that child
now?"
They're clearinghouse and George
won't let her so through his pockets"
Detroit Fress Press.
Tantalius grew >philosophic.
"At least I'm not as badly of rs
n Democrat with chance" he cried.
Herwlth he bore his troubles stoi.
cally.-New York Sun.
These words were Pope's: Whatever
is,
Is right" but now the song
OF modern pessimists is this:
whatever is, is wrong"
Catholic Standard.
Mrs. Knicker-Has your daughter
got used TO home sIhcc she gradual.
cd?
Mrs. Bocker-No; she behaves like
an cx-Presidept home from Europe
Harpcr's Bazaar.
Wigg-He is the most formal indi
vldual knox. a
Wagg-That's right. don't believe
he would even how TO the inevitable
without formal lntroduction.-Phlla
delphia Record.
PA, whats a concomltant?n
"Oh, one OF ahese HALEY fakes. Now
run out and NOV the lawn. l wan
TO read what this magazine says abou
the lesson OF the great fight 5'-Chl
cago Record.Herald.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Texas may yet become Republi.
can State. Mr.. Bryan contemplates
going there to live.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

The Times. Is not especially strong
on answering questions. 1t takes
vacation editorially When pushed TO
the wall. 4.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
troubles Adam bore,

Whatever troubles Adam bore,
He never had to grlcve
Because a woman lived next door
WHO coaxed the cook from Eve.
Chicago Rerord-Herald
Whatever troubles Adam had,
He was lucky man.
He was not nightly told to dump
The icebox water pan.
Detroit Free Press
Whatever troubles Adam had,
1--WE hope this thing will rhyme),
He never wept DER punk like this
In the good old summertime.
New York Tribune
Whatever troubles Adam had
He never had bad dreams,
That came from roofing till you're mac
For pair Of tailend teams.
st. Louis Times
Whatever troubles Adam had,
They never heard him. whine ,-.s
the house on Monday morn
About hanging up the line.
Youngstown Telegram
Whatever troubles Adam had,
Or If he had ne'er line,
And though had score or more
I'd not take his for mine.
Wheeling News
n
Whatever trouble Adam had,
No ono ever heard him sigh,
Cut down expenses this month, Eve
The cost of liying's high.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
Descriptive.

Passengcr-"What would you call
that girl in the car who is too light
for a brunette and too dark for a
blonde?"
Conductor-"Hlrfir." - Bill Rose,
Jr., Cleveland.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

The 4nosy" Individual is not a gen.
eral favorlte as a rule.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Vacation days are flying by very
rapidly.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Accounted Por.
81 heard some heated words yester-
day."
"a quarrel?"
"No. A monograph factory was
burning."-Blll Rose, Jr., Cleveland.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Power Is with a rood deal of &c.
,curacy- measured by purpose Park;
hurst.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Whatever trouble Adam missed,
This must have made him sore
When he and Mother Eve fell out
He couldn't slam the door.
~ Birmingham Age.Herald.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

A lunatlc in Ohio thinks he is Teddy
Roosevelt. That's nothing. Mr.. Roose'
welt thinks that Mr., Roosevelt is In
Efallible.- Charleston News and Court
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
MORE ECHOES FROM EDEN.

Boil the water.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

Whatever trouble Adam had,
No man could make him sore
BY saying, when he told Jest,
I've heard that joke before
Success Magazine.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09
Tho Difference

Tsaw spooncr and his bride on the
train the other day.
"Werc they In the parlor carr"
mo; they were on their way home
from their honeymoon
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

er.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1910-08-09

as lake,"
Make 1t a ravine. Some people
think gorge means lot to eat
Pittsburg Post.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
Copyright. 1909. by the Bobbs-
Merrill Company

Continued
Of cheer, walked up into the blast,
pulled the painter taut and. like tug
with freighter. threw herself against
the pressure of the immense gas bag
and for the first time the people on the
aeronat's deck clung fast and turned
their faces from the wind as they felt
it's stroke.
''Hurrah!" came the cry from the en-
gine room. "She's holding us!'
For a moment she did, and then she
droped the painter. and the abandoned
Roc fell off before the storm again.
The aeronef, having shown her power,
had quilted its exercise. But the Nir-
ginia again drew close in.
"Put on your life preservers,' cried
Carson. I'm going to put you in the
water
'No. you'll not.' said Shayne. Will
lett. keep her up and run before it.
Well circle the whirl and make shore"
Mr.. Willett." said Carson. do as l
say or as there is a God in heaven III
go above. rip your envelope and LET you
drop from wherever you happen to be!
If Mr.. Shayne interferes confine him,
and take orders from me-or drop from
herei"
The second engineer went forward
to Mr. Shayne. The answer of the
others was to set the depressor screws
going. and the doomed Roc. now quite
over the sea. dropped nearer and near
er to the waves.
Now" said Carson. "rll tell you
why turned you adrift. Your envelope
won't stand the strain. 1t had started
TO cave in at the bow. and in another
moment it would have ripped open and
dropped you. But I'm going to give it
the test If the Roc can stand the
strain believe can tow her and land
YOU If she doesn't | shall drop YOU
into the Atlantic. You'll collapse. and |
can tow you in the water easily Put
90 your life preservers, Hurry
Again the Virginia took the painter
aboard and sur.ed against the gale.
but this time drifting with the wind
while the life preservers We're adjust
ed. Carson was confronted with a
fearful alternative. II he let the Roc
got out to sea she had bare chance.
though 10 such escape was recorded.
On the other hand. dropping her in
the water was an expedent full of
danger. The collapsed envelope might
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

blanket the passengers and drown
them; some might be hit by breaking
beams or stunned by conclusion with
the water from a badly judged height.
And Virginia! Yet, weighing the
chances, he did not hesitate.
"All ready?" he shouted.
Nor cried Shayne. Come back
herer'
..All ready. Willett?" asked Carson.
..Yesr cried Willett go ahead"
Slowly crowding on power, the Vir-
ginia fought forward into the storm.
The painter strained taut as steel
bar. and Carson wondered if 1t would
hold. Suddenly rainy gust bore down
on them in fury. the envelope of the
Roc crushed in at the bow with an
awful ripping sound. and the huge
steely bubble-longer than city block.
higher than four story building-be-
came ragged cloud of tattered frag-
ments and. with all on board, fell into
the Atlantic and floated in shapeless
mass of wreckage.
Carson looked down to see whether
the form he loved was smothered I'M
der the torn fabric or floating free.
but never halted for the drowning or
the living. He let out fifty yards of
line he had made fast to the painter TO
give slack for the Roc's fall. and then
with frenzied eagerness he dragged
the whole huge mass ashore, and as
the Virginia alighted on the beach her
skipper leaping out, began fierce on
slaught on the wreckage, seeking in its
chaotic mass for her whose drenched
form he dreaded to see.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
On Tuesday, Nov. |, 10

The Boards.of Registry and Elections will
meet at the above named places, between the
hours of / p. H. and p. M. for the purpose of
revising and correcting the Original Register
and for adding thereto the names of all per
sons entitled to the right of suffrage in such
EleetioniDistrict at the next election, who
shall:appear:in person before them or shall be
shown by the written affidavit of some voter
in such Election!District to be legal voter
therein, and erasing therefrom the name of
any person who, after a fair opportunity to be
heard shall be shown not to be entitled to
vote therein by reasons of non residence or
otherwise.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

Master Edward Johnson is spend
ing some time with relatives in
Baptisttown.
Secure contentment through the
happy medium of "Lambertville
Puff" Insist on having the genuine
Miss Pauline Conlogue. of South
Amboy, has returned to her home
after visiting relatives in this city.
MIR. and Mrs. Fenwick Pew are at
Asbury Park this week.
The stork visited the home of Mr..
and Mrs. Roscoe Templeton this morn
ing, leaving a baby girl.
Mrs. Newton Slack and Miss Jessie
Holcombe were guest at Atlantic City
last Sunday
Sharp, the left fielder is O. K.
About 200 ''rooters" went to Morris
vile Saturday.
Newtown will be here for two games
on Labor Day.
Keep your eye on Mulroney, he is
playing good ball for Yardley.
There is only one game In the league
Saturday, Langhorne at Newtown.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
ALL THE HOME NEWS
Events of Interest Picked Up by Our
Local Editor
CITY STORE NOTES.
Happenings That Will Entertain the
Readers of The Record at Home
and Abroad Notes About
People You Know.

Mrs. Hattie Jacoby of Chambersburg
is the guest of Mrs. Paul Vetter.
The old reliable-L. B. G. bread.
Miss May Robbins of Philadelphia,
is spending some time at Charles
Helms.
-Lambertville Puffs, are ever
growing in public favor Kline & Sons
sell them.
Misses Nellie Smith and Matilda
Akers have returned from trip to
Norfolk Va.
Seventeen years of steady increase
in sales is a strong endorsement for
the "Lambertville Puff. -
f. f. Maxwell, private secretary to
Congressman Ira w. Wood left to-day
for Providence r. l. to attend the
meeting of the Atlantic Deeper Water
ways Assn.
Ask for and insist on having Lam
bertville Putfs Best cigar anywhere
for the monev.
Harry Heath, of kocktown, spent
Sunday with his family in this city.
For monumental work, go to
Harry X. Kramer, Corner Bridge
and Franklin streets.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Ledger spent
Sunday in Atlantic City.
Special Biscuit-Every afternoon
L B. C.
Miss Anna Slack has been visiting
friends in Jersey City.
The real Bread-L. B. C.-Spe-
cial every afternoon.
Z. H. Green spent Sunday visiting
relatives in Hamden.
The perfection of Baking-L. B.
G. Bread.
Miss Reba Naylor is spending some
time with friends in Garfield.
Ask your grocer for Lears GOLD
EN- CROWN" blended flour. st
Michael Hogan. of Philadelphia, re-
Gently visited relatives in this city.
Mr, and Mrs. Clarence Knox, of
Camden, are visiting relatives here,
There's satisfaction in smoking
Lambertviie Puffs.
Mrs. Nehemiah Green, of Trenton,
is visiting her parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
M. J. German, Oh Deleyan street.
Can you use rubber stamp in
yonr business? Let us know.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
CHAPTER KIN.

FINALE.

FINALE.
"HEODORE carried Virginia to
a seaside cottage just in proc
ess of being put in order for
it's owners.
Tell me. dearest" he kept whisper
ing. that you are safe-safe!"
Virginia, wet. draggled. her strong
little form resembling rough cast
statue of some one quite irresistibly
shapely, silently hung about his neck.
You love me!' said he. Pm not
going to let you leave me again. dar-
ling.'
She squeezed his hand in gratitude.
Carson went out radiant, meeting
Craighead with the red mantilla on
his arm.
You all do know this MANTLE said
he. but not the soul of paltry in
things great Ethieally, this is a lost
damosel snatched from watery grave
as she went down in the penultimate
descent l put my confounded life in
pawn-for what? For mere trum-
perry kickshaw of silk with no more
woman in it than a rabbit. Rotten,
Rotten! This ere rescue amt up t.
sampler
"Craighead," said Carson. Il Wanl
you to run an errand. and be serious
Run for doctor. Craighead. be
lieve she loves me-
Pacing up and down the veranda
Carson was in delicious disturbance
of spirits He forgot Shayne and h.;
wife, but ran down to see the Virginia
and found in charge the village con
stable
'I know the rules Of these cases,
said he to Carson. When you give
this to the papers say something abou
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
City Office

One Overseer of Poor.
FIRST WARD.
One Councilman.
One School Trustee.
One Assessor.
Two Justice of Peace.
SECOND WARD.
One Councilman.
One School Trustee.
One Assessor.
THIRD WARD.
One Councilman.
One School Trustee,
One Assessor.
Said Election will be held at the following
places;
First Ward-Hibernia Fire companys House
Second Ward-Fleet Wing Hook and Ladder
company's house
Third Ward Columbia fire company's house
Witness my hand this twenty-third day of
August, A. d. 1910
JAMES II. REYNOLDS,
CITY CLERK
Dated, Lambertvile, N. j., August Esd, 1910.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
Notice is hereby given that General Elec-
tion will be held in the City of Lambertville,
in the County of Hunterdon, on
Tuesday, the 9Th day Of Novem.
Der, A. D. 1910

Between the hours of o'clock in the morn
ing andE o'clock in the evening for the pur-
pose of electing
One Governor of the State of New Jersey.
One Member of the House of Representa-
tives of the United States.
One Member of the Assembly, State of New
Jersey
One County Clerk
One Chosen Freeholder
One Coroner
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
EleCtionNotiCeS

Notice is hereby given that the Boards of
Rugistry and Election, for different wards in
the City of Lambertville, and County of Hun
terdon, will meet on
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30
Tuesday, Sept. 18th 10

FIRST WARD-Hibernia Fire Com
pany's House.
SECOND WARD-Fleet Wing Hook
and Ladder Company's House.
THIRD Columbia Fire Com
pany's House.
Between the hours of p. M. and p. III. for
the purpose of making up Register Lists from
the eanvassing books as the law requires, and
for further purpose of holding Primary Elec-
tion of electing delegates to the State and
congressional conventions, and to make nomi-
nations for City and Ward Offices in accord
ance with An Act to Regulate Elections
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

work Family washing and ironing sent out
Good wages. Write or apply in person. Rec
ord office.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

TIMOTHY SEED-Choice recleaned timo-
thy seed now ready. Alfred B. Holcombe,
Lambertvile, N. J.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

TAKE NOTICE. am selling the Hench 4
Dromgold Machinery, drills, riding and walk
ing cultivators, spike, and springtooth har-
rows, rollers, corn shelters, bag trucks, syra-
cuse plows and repairs, Milwaukee binders,
mowers and hay rakes. l. Il. Crum, Sand
Brook, N. j.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR SALE-Sewing machine, in good or
der, cheap. Mrs. j N. Hartpenee, Fleming
ton, n. j.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FARMS wANTED-I have a number of
customers who desire farms. Give me des-
eription of your farm, price 6c., and | will
try TO sell it, Geo X. Large, Pennington, N j.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

BLACK Marvel polish for shoes; easiest to
use, makes shoes look like patent leather; no
brushing qnired, absolutely Waterproof.
Send for descriptive circulars. VIM. r. Hyde
Croton, N. J.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR SALE-20 white wyandotte -yearling
hens, and rooster G. s. Bearder, Fleming
ton.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR SALE-One thoroughbred Jersey Bull
Calf. w. II. Greason, Pennington, n. j.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

EAToNs l!i, 81 Climax grain, mixture for grow:
and best scratch food made; not pound of
waste to ton. Costs no more than an infer
ior article Special prices on 500 lbs. or more.
ID. Q. r. Hoff, Neshanie Station.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR SALE-Good blilding lot, Park ave
and Main street. Inquire Bennie Iorio, Flem
inEton, N. J
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

SUCRENE Dairy feed. gluten, malt sprouts
bran, middlings and all kinds of mill feeds at
ground beef scraps for poultry. Pennington
Milling Co.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

REAL ESTATE FOR sALE-Three story
brick dwelling, large lot, entrance to rear.
Store building, with two dwellings attached
or separate. Price low; terms to suit.
FOR RENT-Seven room apartment; bath,
water, gas W. f. HAYHURsT.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR RENT-Second story room, formerly
occupied by Building and Loan Association.
Apply to L. Il. PHILLIPS.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

TWO Southdown Bucks, good ones, fol
sale. Alex. b. Brokaw, Neshanic Station.
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

FOR RENT-House on Cottage Hill In
sY,1ire of Jacob II. Holcombe, Cottage Hill,
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

OLD CHINA WANTED-Send description
and price to the RECORD Office, Lambertvllle,
New Jersey
The Lambertville record., 1910-08-30

WANTED.-A good, reliable and able bodied
woman for general housework, in a family OF
fonr adults No washing. Reference required.
Address Box 156 Z. o.,
Aup 10, 10 NEW HOPE, PA.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1910-12-17
OUR NAVAL eUNNERs.
Their Fine Work Exeites the Envy of
European Countries

Their Fine Work Exoites the Envy OF
European Countries.
All worlds records for gunnery were
broken by the crew of the battleshlp
Idaho In the recent big gun target
shooting held Off Cape Henry. This
announcement has still further
strengthened the position long held by
American sailors among the navies of
the world as the finest marksmen In
existence. In England and Germany.
IN Russia and Japan the same ques-
ton is being asked. why Is II that
the Yankees are able to shoot straight.
er than we CAM"
The answer to the question may be
given in a very few words. The Amer
lean gunner has. made these records
possible. The American sailors inf
mite patience and stick -to-iveness have
made him champion; The American
sailor practices until be cannot miss.
The European sailor practices until he
is tired and then quits.
The United States does not spend so
much for new battleships as other
countries, but II lays more emphasis on
craftsmanship than any other nation.
The gunner on the modern warship
must be a man of education. For this
reason able instructors are paid by the
United States to teach members of the
crew who wish to learn lessons i'm en-
cheering, mechanics and mathematics.
The gunner must be advanced In these
branches as well as In marksman-
ship. Disasters to the Russian feet
during their war with Japan might be
used rs examples to show how neces-
sary it Is for the marine gunner to
serve long apprenticeship. He must
not only be able to shoot. but must be
able to prevent himself being sunk.
The student begins In the ordnance
shops at Washington. where he is in
structed in the rudiments of the art
He is shown the difference between
certain sizes of guns etc, and kept at
his studies six days n week from 8
o'clock In the morning until I'm the
afternoon. The student is even taught
TO make miniature gun, that he may
be absolutely familiar with the con-
struction of the big fellows.
Before he is detailed TO a ship the APP
prentice Is given three months instruc-
ton in the handling of high explosives.
He Is taught the workings of the sub
marine mine, and by the time he has
graduated from the school he can do
about everything except shoot.
Then he IL turned over to battle
ship. where he is given the position of
gun pointer In charge OF an Instructor
who knows the business from top to
bottom, and at this gun he sticks until
his superiors think him eminently
trustworthy, when he is allowed to
participate in muneuvers. Finally he
handles a gun in real war.-Washing-
ton Star.