davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
The Safe Course.

Mrs. Wilson's husband was often
obliged to travel OF business, and fire.
quently did not reach home till after
midnight His wife had been in the
habit of sleeping peacefully at these
times, but number of burglaries in the
neighborhood during one of Mr.. Wilson $
trips had disturbed her calm.
On one night of his return Mr.. Wilson
was stealing carefully up the front stairs
so that his wife would not be awakened
when he heard her voice, high and
strained.
II don't know whether you are my
husband or burglar" came the excited
tones, but / am going to be on the safe
side and shoot, 50 if you are Henry
you'd better get out of the way!''-
Spokane Spokesman-Reiyew.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

An insurance man in small town
was giving a dinner to friend partlcu-
larly high up in insurance circles. Alas.
he recalled at the last moment his friend
smoked. 1t was too late Every cigar
stand was closed. What could he do?
An idea occurred to him and he went
out into the hall. There hung his friends
overcoat. lit might contain-he was now
searching the pockets. In a moment he
brought forth a cigar.
Nonchalantly he returned to the Ii
brary. All" he said pausing on the
threshold, here is an unusually fine
cigar. win you not try it? | don't
smoke. you know. New York Times.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Thought He Was a Cat.

Returning from 4 rabbit hunt at dark.
at Shenandoah, Pa, William Auman.
aged 10, took a shot az what he thought
was a black cat near a viump of bushes
at the rear of his home. He soon dis
covered he had shot 11-year-old Arthur
Kern. son of William Kern. Auman's
next door neighbor. The contents of a
Darrell of bird shot tore a gaping hole
in the boys heart. Mrs. Kern reached
her boy IN time to hear him lisp the word
"mother" as he died in her arms.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Charity by Proxy.

There is an Oregon statesman who is
very prudent with his money. He rarely
spends anything if he can get some one
else to do the spending for him.
One morning he was walking down the
street with a friend and they met beg
gar who had a tale of woe that was
amazing. Yhe statesman listened and
asked some questions.
Then he turned to his friend and said:
John, this mans story affects me great
ly. Give him quarter. Philadelphia
Saturday Evening Post.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
A Happy Idea.

Blankson's medical man had told him
that it would be necessary to consult a
specialist but Blankson's soul was filed
with gloom at the prospect of parting
with the fee. What do you think he'll
charge me?' he asked. Five guineas
for the first visit and one guinea for
every subsequent one" was the reply
Subsequently a happy idea by which he
might avoid the payment of the initial
FIVE guineas struck Blankson. Dashing
into the specialists consulting room, he
exclaimed breezily, as he held out his
hand. well. doctor, here we are agin! -
London Daily News.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Footnote to a Want Ad.

at looks confused now. but in due
course it will all he cleared up" said
Herbert l.. Bridgman, secretary of the
Peary Arctic club, in an interview. Mr.
Bridgman. of course, referred to the
Cook-Peary controversy. He resumed
1T looks confused now. but in the end
it will straighteu itself out-like the
rural advertisement thar Said Notice
Wanted To trade horse for mule or mule
for horse: it makes no difference which
The idea is thiS-I have got mule and
n horse and want two of a kind. -
Kansas City Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
A RICH MENDICANT.
A San Francisco Woman Who Begs
Though Possessed of 100000.

Susan Moore, an aged woman. who
died in a miserable howell in the North
Beach district, San Francisco, and who
was thought to De a needy. woman, had
davit fled in Judge Graham's court by
the public administrator. The woman
possessed at least 100000, and vet She
begged upon the streets. The woman re-
ceived much money from Catholic char
table institutions and from the Red
Cross society, yet she had $4,000 on
deposit in local banks and loaned large
sums, including a loan which she made
to a local Baptist church for rebuilding
purposes. Although it was thought at
the time of her death that she left no
living relatives, the public administrators
declares that many claims to the estate
have arisen and a lively contest is ex-
pected.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
The Candidate,s contention.

A witty as we'll as Il soft answer will
date, in the midst of stirring address.
was struck with a rotten egg full III
the face Pausing to wipe away the con
tents of the missile he calmly continued:
Il have always contended that my OPP
ponent's arguments were very unsound
The crowd roared, and he was no long
er molested. Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
The Mathematical Mind

The late Lewis Carroll, author of
Alice in Wonderland" used to tell this
story to illustrate the average mathe-
matician's contempt for poetry
In the course of an argument about
poetry with an instructor i'll trigonome-
try he gave the instructor Tennyson's
Charge of the Light Brigade to read.
There, read that he said, and if
you don't find it full of beauty, I'll give
ill.,
The instructor sneered. looked at the
page, and began to read
Half league, half leagne. half a
league"
Then he threw down the book.
If the fool means league and
half he snorted, why can't he say so. ."
Buffalo Commercial
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Too Long

Farmer Ito editor Of local paper))-I
want to put a notice in your newspaper
of the death of my brother. What's yer
price?
Editor-Ten shillings and sixpence an
inch, sir.
Farmer-Oh, 1 can't afford that; my
brother was six feet two.-M. n. Z.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

Her husband had not been at work for
two days, and at the noon hour the
mans boss met the woman in the street
where's Dau:" he asked.
Hes home" she replied.
Getting drunk, eh?'
.'No, Mr.. Burlington. he amt getting
drunk" she said. indignantly.
''Neil what thenT
Getting sober, sir. - Washington
Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
a Legal Difference.

The Client-How much will your
opinion be worth in this case? The
Lawyer-Im too modest to say. But l
can tell you what I'm going to charge
you for it.-Cleveland Leader.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
The Naughtv Broom Trust.

All, now the Broom Trust is at hand
To sweep its way throughout the land,
And, like Il well conducted trust
To gather in the golden dust.
Already bFooms are wondrouS high
Indeed, they're soaring to the sky;
While Broom Trust witches sit astride
And crOak with glee as on they ride;
They know that while the housewives sweep
The Broom Trust will a harvest reap;
So If we would defy this trust,
Wen have to live In dirt and dust.
n A j.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Giving 1t a Name.

Our humorists have been trying to
find suitable name for the French craze
over aeroplaning, which amounts almost
To a disease. One suggests ''aerospelas,
another "flyfoid fever and still an
other "infewenza." Wei, gentlemen, to
contribute our share, what is the matter
with "skyatica 2"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

RTpON-Nrs. August Seeing, a we'll
forty years. dropped dead on the street Of
heart disease She was on her way 20 bid
good bye TO her grandchildren, who had
spent Christmas in Ripon, ana was but a
half block from her destination when strick-
en-.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Of Some Benefit.

Barber-Did that bottle of hair restor-
er / sold you do any good?
Customer-Yes, indeed; it kept me
from wasting my money on any more
Boston Transcript.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

Mr.. Justwed (romantically)-Are you
sure you married me just for love?
Mrs. Justwed (practically)-Dead sure.
You should have seen the rating that
Bradstreet's gave you.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Genuine.

Ladies and gentlemen, declared a
ceit about these carpets. They are gen
uine tapestry carpets. bought them
from old Tapestry himself"'-Tit- Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
On Ignorance.

Bishop w. A. Query of South Caro-
lima told at dinner party i'll Column
bia number of amusing anecdotes
about ignorance.
"A verger in young friends church,
he said on being asked if the rector was
married. answered:
No, ma am; he's a cbalybeate.
And it was probably in this same
town that a newspaper, accusing the
rector of being too high said
He practices, we are informed the
most unblushing form of ceibacy.
In the next paragraph came the sneer
with unusual pomp he celebrates
the evening service-or evening mathis
as he prefers to say"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

BARKING, HACKING, RASPING COTGn
can be broken up quickly by Aliens Lung l}a sam
This old, reliable remedy has been sold,for over
40 years. Ask your druggist about IL.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Preferred the Cash.

The Neutrality-suspicious. up!
Give us yer money, or I'll blow yer
brains out!
The Victim Blow away! You can i've
here without brains, hut not withoIt
money Tho Sketch.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07

Mr.. Shallowpate-Did she say any
thing good about me?
Miss Caustique-Oh. yes. She said
that when one got better acquainted
with you one found that sou were not
half as big fool as you appeared to be.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Getting Even.

Miss Passay--What a lovely gown you
have on! But haven't seen it before ?
Miss Tartleigh-No, | think not. You
see Eve only worn it at very smart af-
fairs this season, Brooklyn Life.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
In Doubt.

What's his business!
Egbert-Hops.
Well is he a brewer or dancing
nkers Statesman.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
Reward of Merit.

Young Lady-Give me one yard Of
why, haven't | seen You before?
Diapers Assistant-Oh, Maud. have
you forgotten me? | saved your life at
the seaside last summer.
course, you did. Then, you may give
me two yards of the ribbon, please
Illustrated Bits.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
In Sunday School

Teacher-Can any one tell me what
the Epistles are?
Small Boy-The wives of the apostles
l guess University of Michigan Gar
goyle.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
PILES CURED IN o TO IA DAYS.

PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any
case OF Itching. Blind, Bleeding Protrudng
Piles In to II days or money refunded. SOC.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1910-01-07
WHY the Chaplain Ran.

A good many veterans of the Civil war
remember the story of the days when
Rev. John Pierpont, maternal grand
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
ER
IS n
MINISTER Id
AT the Home of His Son, L.
g. Race, in the City of
Fairmont.

The Rev. L. G. Race, OF Scranton,
Pa, Is very i'll at the home OF his son,
Il. G. Race, Of Fairmont, with an at
tack Of pneumonia. The Rev. Mr..
Race, who Is past 80 years OF age. ar
rived in Fairmont last THURSDAY on a
visit to his son, the latter having been
in the East, and accompanied his
father to Fairmont shortly after his
arrival. the aged minister was taken
III and pneumonia developed.
Although in very serious condi-
ton. Mr.. Race is resting well and the
attending physicians give ont the
statement that he Is doing well.
DR.. J. n. Race son Of the minister.
who is president of the University OF
Chattanooga, Tenn, arrived last night,
having, been appraised of the Illness of
his father. and he went Immediately
to his bedside.
{ The Rev. Mr.. Race is pastor Of the
Tripp Park Methodist Episcopal
church at Scranton, Pa, and although
far advanced In yeaiN has been most
active minister up until his recent i'll
ness.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
BIG CROP IS GRO WV
ON TIE STA TE FARM
Will Be Two Weeks Before
Harvest is Completed and
Products Stored.

In an interview, Warden J. p
Matthews, of the state penitentiary,
states that the crops to be taken from
the state farm located on the eastern
outskirts of the city, Will be almost
sufficient to supply all of SIC 10000
convicts for one whole. season. A large
force OF the prisoners has been kept
at work all summer working the farm,
and record breaking harvest is ex-
pected.
Five thousand bushels OF potatoes
are to be taken up, between 1000 and
5000 bushels OF corn, about 60 tons
of cabbage. and 1900 bushels of toma-
toes. -Four acres were planted in
sweet potatoes, but to what extent
these will turn out has not yet been
determined. Several hundred bushels
of turnips will be taken from the
ground later in the year. and several
tons of pumpkins are now ripening
very rapidly.
The work OF cutting the corn Of the
farm has been started and would
have been completed had the machine
not broken down.
One hundred and twenty tons OF
green feed was placed in the store
houses of the farm last year. and the
amount this year will equal and per-
haps surpass this quantity. About 40
head of cattle and 100 head OF hogs
have been recently purchased and
placed on the farm, to be used this
winter for fresh meat and quantity
OF other live stock is to be secured
before the winter closes. 1t will be
at least two months before the entire
harvest OF the farm Will be placed in
the barns and store houses.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
BUY SALOON
lMessrs. Mcdonnell and
Coughlin Purchase w.
F. Grifith's Place.

Frank p. Mcconnell and William
Coughlfn have purchased William r.
GriFth's saloon on West Pike street,
They took charge of 1T this morning
and Will give their personal attention
to the business. Mr.. Griffith will de-
vote his entire attention to the state
agency of the Brown-Forman Com
pany, Of Louisville, Ky, distillers.
Mr.. Mcdonnell for number Of
years was an efficient bartender at the
Connell saloon and is popular young
man with splendid business qualiflca-
tons. Mr. Coughlin is also expert
enced in the business, and has host
of friends who wish them success.
They have one OF the best rooms in
the city and 1t is centrally located.
They will do strictly modern bus
mess.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
INSTITUTE BEING
HELD BY "A I2ll RS.
In Lost Creek Hall with Elk
cellent Addresses and
Large Attendance

A farmers institute Is being held
in the Lost Greek hall at Lost Creek
with a large and enthusiastic attend
ance. 1t opened Monday morning
and will continue until late Tuesday
afternoon. =.
Burgett swisher OF jane Lew,
president of the institute. was. on the
monday morning program for an adj
dress OF welcome, S. w. Moore for the
response, j. B. Huyett for an address
on the conservation OF soil moisture
and Mr.. Moore for another address
on the selection of planting trees.
Committees were appointed at a busi-
ness session.
In the afternoon R. NJ. Fisher was
scheduled to speak on Agriculture
in the Public Schools, ~. B. Huyett
on care OF Sheep s. w. Moore
on Care and Cultivation OF the
Young Orchard and Mrs. Smith on
''Functions of Food"
Another session will be held Mon
day night with addresses by Mr..
Huyett on Farmers Organizations"
by Mr.. Moore on Proper Pruning of
Trees and by Mrs. Smith on
Methods of Cooking" Good music
interspersed the programs.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
GAMBLERS FINED
Policemen Arrest Trio of Crap
Shooters and They Are
Convicted.

Men giving their names a. Slate
Bots, William Hunt and Mike Lyons
were fined $40 and costs each Sunday
evening in police court BY Mayor
Frank r. Moore >on convictio on o
gambling. Policemen breasted them &
that afternoon in the rear Of q restaur
ant on South Third street for shoot
ing craps. Bots paid his fine q full
Hunt paid $685. and Lyons paid
and gave an order for the remainder
All were then released.
Three other men were fined $500
each Sunday morning for disorderiy
conduct and four were fined llige
amounts for plain drunkenness. Two
paid their fines and the others g.tVe
orders for the necessary amounts
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
FIVE DEATHS
BY Automobile and Train and
Other Causes in City of
Wheeling.

WHEELING, w. va, Sept. 60
Five deaths have occurred in this
city within the last two days. two of
which were on the tragic order The
mangIed body OF John Birch. of
TiItonsviile. was found on B. & O..
switch at I O'Clock Sunday morning.
Birch's body had been run over with
a string OF freight cars.
Thomas Kelley. while crossing the
street was struck by DR.. L. c. Hills
automobile and died within half an
hour in the North Wheeling hospital
from fractured skull.
Herman Custer, a prominent man
of the South Side, dropped dead Of
heart trouble Sunday afternoon. and
Henry Kalbitzer. one of the Oldest
business men in the city passed away
Sunday evening. Mr.. Kalbttzer had
been engaged in the hardware bust
ness for 80 years in the same loca-
ton and was one of the wealthiest
men in this section.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
BADLY INJURED
Is a Foreigner at a Christsn
ing in the Town Of
Pennington.

FAIRMoNT, Sept, 26At ctFia
tening held at miners home at Err
mIngton Saturday night a light folloyg
ed the drinking and Geo. Alichonicl
a Hungarian, was badly injured. The.
men grew noisy after the dFinlSinE.
had progressed several hours IN the
fight Michonicke was thrown 20 tic
ground and several men jumped on
PROSTATE man and trampled him. Ie
was brought 70 Cooks hospital last
Saturday night where he lies at tie
point OF death. Inc sheriff has heen'
unable to make any arrests as Va
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
CORNER BOX
For the Elks' Home is Being
Prepared by the Super
vising Architect.

Charles L. Hickman, supervising ar
chitect of the Elks' home on West
Pike street. now in course OF construc-
ton, is preparing a corner stone re-
ceptacle for the corner. stone laying
within day OF two at the home.
There win be no formal service.
Mr.. Hickman has had a copper box
made and 1t viii be hermetically seal
ed. 1t is his intention to place a ros-
ter of the lodge. the date C the lodges
organization, the names of the char
ter members, the names OF past and
present officers. a list of the Elks
Company, card of the last memorial
two lodge badges, the super
visfng architects cord, coins and City
daily newspapers in the box.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
PEDDIIN5
OF Drugs Without a License
is Charged Against Ne
gro Giant.

James CabbelI. negro giant feet,
6 and 1-2 inches tall. who goes by the
nickname OF Big c. & o." was arrest
ed Monday afternoon in Glen Elk by
Chief OF Police Harry L. Brooks and
Policeman James simms on the charge
of peddling dope" around among me-
groes and others in the city without
having a license as required by law.
The man was taken to jail and Chief
Brooks swore out state warrant
against him in Justice w. p. Camps
court. The trial will be held within
a day or two. Cabbell's arrest re-
suited from quiet investigation last
ing several days by Police Chief
Brooks and members of his force. It
was suspected that the negro was sell
ing drugs to habituaI users in the city
but at first the officers could obtain no
evidence against him. Finally they To-
Gated witnesses of alleged illegal sales
by the negro and they are expected to
appear at the hearing.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
FORMER LORD MAYOR
OF the City of London Will
Make a Visit to Pitts
burg Soon.

PITTsBURG. Sept. 2G.-Arrange-
ments are being made with the Cor
nishmen's association OF Pittsburg to
hold reception to Sir William Ire
loar, former lord mayor OF London,
who will visit Pittsburg within the
next few days. Sir william is a ma
tive of Helston Cornwen, but early
Reft for the worlds metropolis.
Natives OF the West of England who
desire to attend this reception which
will be held at the pleasure of Sir VIII
liam, probably ~ the Hotel schenley,
should communicate with William II.
Wicks, SIS Seventh avenue, presi-
dent OF the Corntsher's association.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
F0R INSURGENTS
Is Chairman Mckinley of the
Republican Congression-
al Committee.

CHICAGO. ILL.,, Sept. 26-Mer1-
bers OF the National Republican
Congressional Committee from the
central states met here yesterday in
a campaign conference. Those pres
ent were Congressman Woods, Of
Iowa; Hinshaw. of Nebraska; Burke,
of South Dakota; Tawney, of Min
rosetta; Cameron. of Arizona; Miller,
OF Kansas; Bartholdt. of Missouri;
Hamilton, OF Michigan; Thomas, of
Ohio: Crumpacker, of Indiana; and
Mckinley, OF Illinois.
Following the conference McKiu-
ley issued a statement in which he
declare that the candidates classed
as insurgents" would in no way he
Disseminated against by the COM
mittee, and said such reports were
an unjust reflection against the po-
liticaI integrity of the committee.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
BELLgg.Y. .. III.
On Charge Of Stealing tcli
Chain and Ring from
Hotel EmploYe

Nelson Carter, a negro belIBo
,ployed at the Traders hotel
prisoner in the county JAN aygaitT
hearing before Justice w. 3; Cell
on the charge OF stealing
valued at $50, a chain value 81
and ring valued at IS from
Lucas, colored, another empioye
the hotel Sunday evening
Carter was arrested the
evening by Policeman Geofge
heart on a yarrant. which
out before Justice Camp ~
The latter alleges that Garter
into his room at the hotei
the articles Whens
watch, chain and ring were sof1d
Gartcr's ession. Fe
that a certain guest at the 8
given the articles to him Tor
but the guest says he told le -
boy nothing 81 the s6rt
Camp VIII hear the case ithin e
day or two.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
FOR BURIAL HERE
of Mr.. Mcdonnell, Who
Died in Columbus, o.,
is Shipped.

The body of John Mcdonnell. who
died in Columbus. o., Sunday morn
ing, at 5 O'Clock OF nervous trouble,
ls>expected to arrive in the city on
train No. - this evening, and will
be taken to the residence OF his
mother, Mrs. Bridget Mcdonnell, on
Florence street. Funeral arrange
ments will be made later.
Mr.. Mcconnell was fifty years Of
age and leaves besides his mother,
one son, Mark F., OF this city: one
daughter, Margaret, OF Columbus,
o., and four sisters, Mrs. George
Mulheran, and Misses Kate. Sarah
and Ann Mcdonnell. to mourn his
loss.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1910-09-26
TINE CHANGED
OF Trains Arrival Several
Months Ago, But Some
Are Unaware of 1t.

Baltimore & Ohio Train No. 3 was
30 minutes late and Train No. IA an
hour and a half late Monday morning
on account of being delayed by
freIghts.
Although the time of No. 3's arrival
was changed several months ago from
1856 to 9:4O am. a large number of
people are still unaware OF the change,
and nearly every day someone is sur
,prlsed to learn of it. Not many miss
the train however, as passengers and
the train generally compromise by one
arriving ahead of time and the other
behind timcL