Norwich bulletin., 1910-09-16

my coat tails trailing in the dust most
humbly do / approach thee j am the
Publicity Man. No up to date state
can get on in this interesting age
without Publicity Man; and as I
have not much of anything else to 90
l have elected myself to that import
ant position You see 1T is this way:
Senator Aldrich has taught VI that the
way to revise the tariff DOWNWARD IS
to push up the duties. Now. | nave
rendered long. on this subject, because
am in training for the same senate
that Aldrich runs. and have come
to the conclusion that when l want to
get down cellar the only way to get
revised downward into the cellar fs to
climb the attic stairs. That looks rea-
have adopted the Aldrich method of
revising the tariff downward.
Most exalted sire, quite recently II
has come to my notice that you have
revised the tariff between Norwich and,
New London downward Formerly we
could buy round trip ticket for 40
cents whereas under the Aldrich
method of revision downward we must
pay 80 cents each way, or so cents
the round trip.
When 1 attended the little red
schooihouse on the hillside we were
taught that to increase the price of a
thing from 40 cents to SO cents meant
raise of so per cent. or, in homely
phrase, a half as much again Elk
allied sire. we complain not of your.
Aldrich revision of the tariff to New
London; for over here in Norwich we
are all millionaires. And what is so
cents when we want ride to New
London and back Why did you not
revise the tariff downward from 40
cents to a dollar? Then the ticket
agent would not have the bother of
making change. This would save his
time and as time is money you could
revise his salary upward by cutting
it down just that much. It's a poor
rule that won't work both ways.
II am glad Senator Aldrich made his
great discovery of downward revision
Here the Publicity Man will relate for
your amusement coincidence. The
very day that your revision from 40
cents to so cents went into effect. from
fifty to seventy-five of our millionaires
who were engaged in the construction
of another building to hold the ever
increasing insane of our highly civil
lied state. each and every one of them
stopped short when the ticket agent
announced your revision downward.
These millionaires did not care about
the little additional charge for getting
to their work but they all remember
ed at that moment that they longed
to view the beautiful scenery over
Fox's hill And so they one and all
left your railway station and took the
bankrupt Westerly trolley. Was it not
curious that they all wanted to view
the landscape just when you intended
to start them for the cellar by the
attic route?
Exalted sire. your attention is also
called to a passenger coach whose
record the Publicity Man has been
looking up. In ferreting out this mat
ter I learned that there was once
man who, like yourself. went into the
transportation business bound to
transport everything in. sight He was
a monopolist. although he held no
charter by consent of the unta gged
lobby His name was Noah. 1t APP
peared that the heavy traffic rendered
his barge unsafe and unfit and it went
into the scra o heap where it has ever
since remained till you revised it into
passenger coach.
The Publicity Man would advise you
to revise your tariff downward once
more. Shove up the price another one
hundred per cent. and out of the in
creased revenue buy few tallow dips
for Mr.. Noah's coach. 1t needs the
light of other days to enable US mil
Iionaires ito find our way out after
shutdown.
Have you seen anthing of the Great
Untagged?
CHARLES F. THAYER."
'sPostscript-It WIS no easy job to
trace the genealogy of your coach back
to Noah's ark. There ought to be a
public service commission to do this