Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1910-09-01
Written for the Register
THE SOLEMN UNDERTAKEN.
BY ST. JOHN BYER.


BY ST. JOHN BYER.
More than half century ago, Shep-
herdstown had the ideal of the solemn
undertaken in the parsonage OF Thomas
Hopkins, bald-headed bachelor who
had reached the age Of discretion and had
viSage we'll suited 10 his calling. His
face was a caSt-iron mask which could
not have been cracked into smile, not
even with a spike hammer. When he
sat upon his hearSe, with his tall stove
pipe beaver pointing precise to the ze-
NTH, and stiff long streak OF crepe
streaming behind, it was all impressive
picture-albeit it did resemble a small
old time traction engine with its round
pipe and the smoke Streaking behind it.
Hopkins was always careful TO have a
horse as sober and slow as himself, so
there never be danger OF. a funeral get
ting on the speedway.
OF course, Hopkins and his parapher-
MALTA constituted the height OF reSpecta-
bility hereabout. Several doors above
his place lived a maiden lady in the sum-
mer OF life, whose chief aim was to keep
a respectable front TO the world. Once
she had a remarkable dream-that she
died end was duly reposing in her coffin,
and about to take her last ride in Hop
kinS' hearse. But she was curious to
know if all the ariStoCratiC people were
duly in rank behind it, so she pushed up
the glass plate over her face and peeped
out to see who were in the procession.
To her surprise, very few were there.
She became so incenSed at this neglect
that her anger warmed and awakened
her. But she never forgave tl'ese folks
who did not appear at her dream funeral.
She married, shortly after, a rich widow
er and lived many years, probably at
tending the funerals OF some of her for
getiul friends with evident relish.
These were the days before burial cas-
ketS were made, so our old undertaken
manufactured his coifinS OF the rich, arIS-
tocratic walnut, Of the less expensive
cherry or the plebeian pine, according TO
the parsonage and his pocket. He was
as particular about the fit of his coffin as
firSt-claSS tailor of his finest garments,
and he would have shown a keen con-
tempt of any hand-me-down suit to ap-
pear at the court of the King OF TerrorS.
This special pride in his occupation was
Sorely tried by the following occurrence.
Two old gentleman farmers liVec out
some distance from town, one widow
'er, his brother bachelor, the latter was
taken suddenly i'll, and one chill winter
morning died without any previous no
tice. 1t was keen, sudden shock to his
elder brother, as they lived there togeth-
er without any relatives or servants. But
he must stifle his grief to attend to the
preliminarieS for his brothers. burial; so
as usual he took measure for his coffin on
a notched cornStalk and rode in the cool
morning on his sad mission. Chilly and
with no breakfast, as he came down the
main street he stopped at the tavern OF
Joseph Entler and went in TO get a warm
ing dose. He told his CronieS there OF
poor Bills sudden death-that he had
come in TO get a coffin made for him.
But when he came out, his lean old Dob
bin, who also lacked his breakfast, was
leisurely munching up the cornStalk COZ
fin measure. 1t was long way home'
so he came down to Hopkins and wanted
him to make a coffin by guess for his
brother. Such proposal incenSed Hop
kins, and his sense of moral reCtltude, so
that he broke forth and swore in lurid
language about guess work in such I'M
portant business. The affair was sad,
yet somewhat amuSing-So much so to
Uncle Dave --, who had not been
known to laugh for a score OF years, that
he exploded almost into hySteria, and
riding out home, he stopped at the two
mile woods, diSmounted, and sat down
under the finger-board tree and then
shook himself to pieces, whence he was
gathered together and taken home that
evening.
Hopkins and his strict idea OF coffin
fitting stands in keen contrast TO the plant,
plausible gentleman who, after the made
to-order coffin business ceased, brought
here a number of readymade caSketS.
busting and fixing up his ware for fine
display, visiting gentleman remarked
that che had such large number, did
he think he should find sale tor them ?"
He responded cheerily, "Oh, hope so,
| hope So" Several weeks later this
same gentleman's father died. He came
in, and as il was a distance down the
country, he proposed that the casket
man should take his buggy and 60 down
to see what size was needed. The
cheerful undertaken, who evidently had
had an eye to business, answered, 80!
that is not neceSSary-your good father
was in here a fortnight ago; he looked
sorter weak and eyed him over and
took his measure"
And vet Hopkins, with all his probity,
could not help entertaining such ideas OF
business. One day he had his hearse
pulled out in the recess before its "gar-
age" and was washing away industrious
ly. His neighbor, Barney Shope, COM
ing by, asked him who was dead. "Ain'l
nobody dead" said Hopkins bitterly.
Hasn't been anybody dying about here
for the last six months. don't know
what's got into people. My hearSe is
getting so dry that the spokeS might rattle
and make too much noise for funeral.
Old Rarney's face drew I'D in a dry,