davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY

What became OF those four barrels OF
apples that were in the basement this
fled. 4 don't Know said his wife Il
had a small boy cleaning up the cellar
Buffalo Express.
bands about the bills of all your hens?''
we ask. Keep 'e'm from cackling." an
swers our friend. the hen-and-eggery own
they think they were mistaken and lay
another egg 'Echicago Post.
How do the apples get into the dump
nngsg Get give e Il up t,gb How ~o 90 the
Pe onnSlleg e ou 1nt9 IoeT sh'
What kind Of a man you'd you Ike
or a widower. I'm not particular which,
-Universalist Leader.
'.Died in poverty!' cried the philosopher.
scornfully. Died in poverty. did ne, an
you expect me to sympathize? Gorstrooth.
got to live in it.''-Sporting Times.
..rhere is Nebuchadnexzar eating grass
hope for the best, replied the other.
Maybe he's trying to get, even with the
Star.
Please. ma'am.'' said the servant,
wooden tss iegs. why. Mary" answered
the mistress, in a reproving tone: what
we don't want any."-Lippincott's Mas
azine.
Dying Plumber Cto son)-You'n find I
amt bin able to leave you much money:
Bill; it's all got to go to yer mother and
there job at Mugley's we've bin at such
a time Don't 'urry over it, Bill. and it'll
always keep you out OF want anyway
1lt-bns.
,Magistrate;.soffieer. What is this man man
fiend of the worst kind, yer worship
Magistrate-But this man shouldn'; have
mania for taking pictures. Constable
1t isn't that, yer worship; he takes the
cameras.-Boston Globe.
Great Author-Did you tell that mag
azine editor that I was too busy 10 see
understand it; that you have been writing
for his magazine for years. Great Author
that's no reason why 1 have to associate
with the editors of it.-Life
80 he's bore! Does he tell Lex old JOKES e,sgl
ones" Life.
He-I dreamed last night proposed to
a pretty girl. She-And what was my an
Wer?-Comic Cuts.
"Did you ever hear Gadby say anything
particular about me?" mo; he never was
very particular what he said about you. -
Stray Stories.
Didn't they have anything TO Cod drink at
the Brookline asse t111h .tronser thaI;
that?'' ''wells. yes; ice water.
colts Magazine.
wnlie-Ma, can't I go out on the street
for a little while? Tommy Jones SAYS
yes: but don't you go too near.-Boston
Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

demands of President raft in the mat
ter of downward revision. But at the
same time the new tariff law, defective
as it is, is a great Improvement over
the old tariff law. This Improvement
is such as to warrant the assertions of
President Taft that it is the best tariff
law which this country has ever had.
1t can be all that without being per-
feet and without coinciding with the
opiriors of evervbody
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

$50, after all. it isn't worry. it isn't
decadent gastric juice, it isn't the
.gebble and git counter. it isn't worn
out stomach Innings that force some
men to give cd mine pie and the mid
night 1unch,' says the Detroit Free
Press. "It's the enemy of his youth
and his old age, the appendix. One
may guess that henceforth there will
be no closed season for appendices.
The knights of the scapel will hunt
them early and late, for when man
grows too old TO contract appendicitis
he can always develop a case of 'ap-
pendial gastrsIgia.'"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
- JtfL
FROM OTHER PENS

SIMPLE LIFE FOR CHEAP LIVING.
With all efforts to bring down the
cost of living only few have quietly
and effectually solved the problem.
Their method has been to resume 'tthe
simple life'' by confining themselves
within the limits OF their incomes. as
in the days of old, buy with scrupulous
care, practice economy and avoid
waste. People who cut their garment
according to their cloth apparently
succeed now as formerly and live we'll
within average means.
According to the history books, the
fashioned frugality and sterling en-
durance made our forefathers what
they were-the stolid reliable sons Of
a hardy race. They lived frugalIy,
perhaps not from choice. but from
necessity, and they saved the extra
cent
In these modern days of plenty, we
complain that we cannot ''get ahead
and lay up something for a rainy day."
If our expenses seem large we think
nothing about it and simply let it go
Americans are not apt to stop to
equalize the income and expense of the
family budget for what we want we
usually get regardless of the cost"
The spirit of the frugality of other
days applied to our modern conditions
would be one way of meeting the
problem of the cost of living, but it
it is not likely to be embraced by many,
because we live in a different atmos-
phere-Omaha Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Leading lawyers of the country
have appeared before the house COM
1nittee on judiciary and urged favor
able action On the Moon bill which
provides for a considerable increase
in the pay of federal Judges. Their
argument is a good one Federal
3udgeships should be made sufficiently
attractive in the way of remuneration
to make it worth the while of lawyers
of ability to accept them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
THE DIFFERENCE.

My neighbor eateth lobster;
He eateth rarebit, too;
He 1oveth hrie and edam
And hideth them from view.
My neighbor wakes at midnight
And shriekS with sudden pain.
Quick comes the costly medic
And treats him for ptomaine.
I eat my humble dinner,
My chop and beans and pie.
Perhaps with indigestion
L suffer by and by.
The good old family doctor
My case in hand doth take.
And as he spreads a plaster
He calls it stomach-ache.
New York Telegram.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Evidently the famous Brownsville
affair is to re with us always. An
other military court of inquiry has
Just reported that the shooting UP of
this Texas town several years ago was
done by soldiers of the Twenty-f1fth in
fantry. Although former Senator
Foraker is not in public life now, the
chances are he will not let this latest
dictum in the premises pass unan-
nWared
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Something is always turning up to
maintain prices. Kansas eggs would
be selling at home here for ten cents
a dozen if the cold storage monopolists
of the east did not have their agents
here in droves. who are willing to pay
10 cents a dozen for all the eggs they
can get. And you can hardly expect
q human being to sell eggs to his
neighbors for 10 cents a dozen when
he can get rs cents from somebody
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

soil in Illinois, as we'll as that of many
other states, is not being worked to
the best advantage and with the de-
parture of his sons who are lured to
the city the farmer is obliged to en-
ploy outside labor at higher cost. Thus
he must get more for his product, so
that in the long run the consumer
pays for this
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

1t certainly is long road that hasn't
a turn. Reports now have it that an
American girl has become engaged to
a prince who is heir to an income of
81, 100000 year. This may be hkened to
a love match unless it's the girl this
time who has the mercenary motives.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

One more illusion has been shattcr-
ed. Everybody had the idea that An
drew Carnegie was a self made man
and that he rather gloried in the fact
But no. He gives all the credit for the
making of what he IS to his mother
and his wife
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

A Long Island clergyman has in
structed the women Of his congrega-
ton to wear small hats or stay away
from church Why didn't he suggest
that his women parishioners remove
their hats during church services
such would have been more reason
able demand and it is a custom that is
going to prevail some day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Colonel Roosevelt appears to be hay
ing even a more exciting time in his
travels through European countries
than he did in the jungles of Africa.
Another book on European Game
Trails, or. The Big Bugs Have Met,
Conquered and Slaughtered, would
seem to be in order from his facile
non
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

There is not much danger these days
of many persons following the foot
steps of that Brooklyn politician who
choked to death while eating ham
sandwich. Such eatables are alto
gether too expensive for most people
TO minRle with.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

This much can be said to the credit
of high prices. They play no favor
ties. Even tine members of the John
d. Rockefeller Bible class will have to
dig deeper in their pockets for the
banquets which they hold occasional
ly. 1t is going to cost them 60 cents a
plate for these affairs of the future.
The former price was so cents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

North Topeka seems to be there with
the goods when it comes to providing
mayoralty material. Even Kansas
City, Mo-, could not see its way clear
to get along without former North
Toneka boy for its chief executive.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Mr.. Roosevelt left Rome amid the
cheers of the populace. There is moth
ing in the e5ort on this incident to
indicate who led the cheering, but it
is safe to bet that Cardinal Merry Del
Val was not the man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
REFLECTIONS OF A BAcHELol
lT'roFn the New York Press. ]

Haste seldom makes waist
A man does very we'll in his business
as long as he is only telling his friends
about it.
Back Of the desire or people to travel
is their mania to lie about what a good
time they had doing II.
One woman can be SO sweet to an
other that it is next to impossible 20
tell how much they hate each other
A woman never deserves all the COM
piinents she gets from her sutton; she
always deserves more than she gets
from her husband.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

the truth dawned on Marguerite. It
she alone for whom he had done this
thing-and while her fingers trembled
in his like frightened bird. he drew
her gently through the crowd to her
waiting carriage--(Copyrigh 1910, by
Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Mayor Gaynor OF New York city ap-
pears to be almost as good a politician
as is Colonel Roosevelt. He. too, is in
favor of the eimplified spelling system.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Senator Beveridge's criticisms of the
tariff law are to the point. He shows
that the trainers of this legislation did
not come anywhere near meeting the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
IIustIing in Japan.

The struggle for business carries the
salesman of the business house in
launches and rickety sampans clear
out to the very door of the harbor in
an effort to reach the visitor before
the foreigner or the tagging country
man in town gets a chance at his
pocket. Seemingly the quarantine Of
ficials connive to see that the mer-
chants have plenty of opportunity to
sell
All the time the ship lies at anchor
these persistent peddlers sent out by
the leading houses will be with the
traveller; he cannot lose them. Steam
ship masters are so accustomed to the
practice that it has become good policy
to assign them the after-deck on
which to display their wares. The
decks of the ships Outlines resemble
good-sized Industrial exhibits One
may buy anything from a basket of
choicest fruit to set of Satsuma
ware. Walking about through the
crowd are Japanese tailors who will
measure YOU while you buy a trinket
and deliver you aboard ship a broad
cloth suit the following evening
Bookkeeper.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08
FRENCH STABILITY.

The present French republic has now
lasted about 40 years-much longer
than any form of government in that
country since the reign of the Bour-
bons was interrupted by the great
revolution. All the different forms of
government prevalent in France from
1879 till Napoleon got control, taken al
together, lasted about IL years. Napol-
cons meteoric career was ended by
1915. The Bourbons came back twice,
but their longest stay was only about
Is years. Then followed an Orleanist
reign of Is years, itself followed by
Napoleon III, who reigned 20 years
or so.
But the republic which began as a
soberly conservative one, gradually be-
coming more so until the recall of
Bourbon, Orleanist or Bonaparte was
| contemplated by many and plotted by
some-the republic which had Bou-
LANCER for nightmare-has passed its
| most conservative stages and its most
| radical also. 1t is now apparently
| fixed bourgeois institution-that is to
say, a stable republic in which the mid
die class is the predominant factor
Boston Globe.
WHERE SPRING IS TO BE FOUND.
For the first signs of spring seek the
vacant lot in q tIlickly settled district.
The time-just after school is out
Amid the rustling tin cans, the broken
buckets and discarded shoes, the small
boys proclaim spring with shout and
din which leaves no question as to the
seasons arrival, though it might raise
doubts as to its ethereal mildness."
Baseball upon the vacant lots is a
game of dark, impenetrable mystery.
The rules are the rules of the strongest
and the overbearing. They vary with
the moment and the loudly advocated
canon of the first inning is shameless
" repudiated in the second. The game
progresses to the tune of protest and
youthful substitutes for profanity. It's
beginning is in chaos. Its ending is in
confusion. Yet between beginning and
ending wonderful scores are compiled,
boastings are bred, feuds are formed
and lungs and legs are made to hunger
for the solace of the bed.-Tolelo
Blade.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

What became OF those four barrels OF
apples that were in the basement this
morning." asked Mr.. Outskirts. mysti-
fled. L don't Know" said his wife L
had small boy cleaning up the cellar
today, IL that will explain anything" -
Buffalo Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

What kind of a man would you like
for a husband?" 'Oh, either a bachelor
or a widower. I'm not particular which. "
-Universalist Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

please. ma'am,' said the servant,
there's a poor man at the door with
wooden legs why. Mary" answered
can we do with wooden legs? Tell him
we don't want any."-Lippincotts Mag
azine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

There is observation-disclosures eating grass
like an OK" said one courtier. Lets
hope for the best" replied the other
Maybe he's trying to get even with the
Babylonian beef trust" - washington
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Observation-Disclosures, what is this man
charged with? Constable-He's camera
fiend of the worst kind, yer worship
Magistrate-But this man shouldn't have
been arrested simply because he has a
It isn't that, yer worship; he takes the
cameraS.-Boston Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

Dying Plumber Ito son)-You'n find L
amt bin able to leave you much money.
sisters. But I've bequeathed you that
there job at Mugley's We've bin at su .,ii
always keep you out of want, anyway
Tit-Bits
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

''Died in poverty!' cried the philosopher.
scornfully "Died in poverty. did he, an
you expect me to sympathize? Gorstrooth,
what is there in dying in poverty? I've
got to live in it.'-Sporting Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

How do the apples get into the dump
lihgs?'' II give it up. How do the
peaches get into these tight gowns?'-
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-04-08

why do you have those stout rubber
bands about the bills of all your hens?'
we ask. keep 'e'm from cackling." an
sWers ctr friend, the hen and-eggery own
er. when they find they can't cackla
they think they were mistaken and lay
another egg."-Chicago Post.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
HELP WANTED-MALE
Agents nnd salesmen--continued.

WANTED SALESMEN-The most highly
rated and best known firm In America
selling groceries by sample to consumers;
has an original plan to offer reliable, in
dustriOus men, enabling them to quickly
establish a permanent business OF their
own, yielding a good income; goods sold
subject TO trials no investment; commits
sion advanced semi monthly settlements;
experience desirable, but unnecessary.
Write for particulars today. References
required. John Sexton a. Co, importers
and Wholesale grOcers Lake and Franklin
Sts., Chicago, ILL.,
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
MEDICAL

FREE medical and surgical treatment At
port sts., special attention paid to confine.
ment cases; all treatment supervised by
college professor. Phone Douglas il6I
Calls answered day and night.
TREATMENTS at hotels or restaurants.
Neuropathy, Swedish movement. Massage
ana magnetic chiropractice. Phone b. 1875,
DIR. Hansen
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
HELP wANTED-FEMALE
AEents aHd sAIesiAdies.

AGENTS earn Se5 20 $50 weekly selling
our braided waists and dresses, something
new; petucoats, various embroidery novel;
ties; catalogue free. National Importing
Co, Desk D, 6ss Broadway New Yorks
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
HELP WANTED
MALE AND FEMALE.

A CHANCE for anyone 10 make SIS with
out either work or expense; no selling or
eanvassing; write for particulars. Auris
Co, 1853 Broadway, New YOrk.'
MEN AND WOMEN, hustlers; city work:
paying proposition. Call 70 u, GS6 Paxton
block. Nellie j. Roben, Dist. Mgr
Bigger. betIer. BusIsr-That II what
-aysrtisinE In Ths Bee viii dn for your
business.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
cIerieaI sna Orns..

We are the LEADING REFERENCE
COMPANY" BY our "UP-TO-DATE SYS-
TEN" we are in touch daily with all the
leading mercantile concerns in the middle
west Many changes are being made and
now is the ideal time to secure a good
position.
statesmen.
TRAVELLING SALESMAN, oils, 500 ana
expenses.
TRAVELLING SALESMAN, lumber. 5000
and expenses.
500 and expenses.
TRAVELLING SALESMAN, electrical
supplies, experienced man, tl25 and ex-
TRAVELLING SALESMAN. specialtss,
TRAVEI.ING SALESMAN. staple line,
commission with SIS weekly expenses adj
vanced.
CLERICAL HELP.
BOOKKEEPER out OF the city, SIS.
BOOKKEEPER Wholesale, $40.
BOOKKEEPER wholesale. SO.
OFFICE MANAGER, Investment 800.
STENOGRAPHER and BOOkKEEPER,
good salary.
STEN OGRAPHER, s65.
See US Monday or write at once for par
ticulars.
BUSINESS SERVICE COMPANY.
5l5-5l6 City National Bank Bldg
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

WANTED-Salesmen Sentimental Print
ing Company, indianapolis, Ind. The well
known publishers, Importers and manufac-
tuTers OF Art Calendars and Advertising
Specialties, making contracts 1911 with eX-
perienced statesmen. Liberal proposition.
No such line ever brought out. Secure your
territory.s
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
CIerical ana Office.

INTELLIGENT girl or woman spare
time, each locality, address envelopes, mail
circulars pay 15c hour, material stamps
furnished free. Rex Mailing Agency Lon
don ont.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
miscellaneous.

WANTED-STO month; customs, internal
revenue railway mall clerks; list of spring
aration free. Franklin Institute. Dept ia
3, Rochester, N. Y.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
FURNACES AND REPAIRS

WATER fronts. furnace and stove re-
pairs. New furnaces and combination hot
water heaters. Ihermostats and tank heat
ere. Omaha Stove Repair Works. 1208-le0S
Douglas 81. Both phones
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

EXPERIENCED shoe and furnishing
goods salesman, steady position. reference
required. Raphael-PTed Co, 18th and Far
nam.'
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
Make THE MOST OF 1911.
IL man MIN raIlI -.


The man who will get ahead next year
is now taking stock OF 1910
He is asking himself II his progress was
an IT ought 70 have been. VIII he be pro
Iaotsd OF Will he be dropped? Has his
work been satisfactory to himself? Were
sprroundings and companions congeniaI?
Inc man who will make the most OF 1911
also puts one vital question fairly and
squarely to himself-has he anything to
ings? @N'
Anyone who investigates what oppor-
tumues the NAVY offers, will find that
mere is the place where he can save. His
pay which Is good IS nearly ali clear.
HIS living expenses are paid ana there is
plenty OF sport and entertainment apoa I'd
Snip and ashore which costs him rbthine.
Promotion Is regular. with Increased
pay. Travel and training and a fine
PHYSIQUE are assets which he will greatly
value in later years.
unless man investigates when he hears
Of an opportunity, that might lust suit
MIN, ne will probably find things the same
VITA him when another year rolls around,
80 10 the RECRUITING station, r. o. tIild-
ing omaha, Neb., or write for free look
TO Bureau OF Navigation, Box 20g NAVY
department, Washington, d. c.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
HELP WANTED-MALE
Clerical and offiCe-COntinued.

Many HIGH GRADE men are often
skeptical Every position we list is posi-
lively open. Call at our office and we will
convince you without a doubt that OUR
SYSTEM will market your ability quicker
and better than you can. If competent, see
us about the following:
OFFICE MANAGER, who can buy stock in
long established manufacturing firm.
SOAP SALESMAN, dive wire), 500.
BOOkkEEPER, experienced. $40.
FREIGHT INSPECTOR. S65.
LUMBER SALESMAN $500.
STENOG'PHER, construction firm, S65-S7O.
INSURANCE. solicitor good commission.
STENOGRAPHER. beginner. $50.
YOUNG MAN, jewelry experience, $50
SPECIALITY SALESMAN, $50
COOPERATIVE REFERENCE CO,
lois City Natl Bank Bldg.P
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

YOUNG MAN ABOUT n years old for Of
flee Of old established firm begin al
bottom and work up. salary 50 TO SIS. Ad-
dress A i96 Bee.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

WE have an opening on our travelling
sales force for 1911 in Nebraska for good,
live hustling business producer I'm spe-
ctalty line. We have the strongest and
most complete line Of calendars and adj
vertising novelties in the country. Yearly
contract, exclusive territory and perIna-
nent position for right party. Address
Gartner & Bender, Dept. A, Chicago.s
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

FOR RENT-Large room and board for
two. 22l3 Douglas ST. AZ
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

AGENTS-Buy Christmas goods at whole
sale. Three beautiful catalogues showing
5000 different guaranteed low priced ar
ucles free. A. w. Holmes & CO., Providence.
r. l.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

= FOR RENT-Large front room desirable
for four, steam heated, nicely furnished
1923 Dodge ST.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

YOU are wanted for government most
ton; $50 month; write for list Of positions
open. Franklin Institute, Dept 2l7B.
Rochester, N. Y.
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11
Factory and T-adss.

EactoFE anu ISAdo1.
Drug stores tsnaps). Jobs. Kniest Bee BldR.
EXPERIENCED CRAFTSMAN wanted
Fisher a. Lloyd, 2l0 Paxton Blk
PRINTER WANTED-Good all round
country printer; rapid compositor; salary
w. Board can be had at Sc. Hand presses
az present. power In few months Wire
or write, Standard, Lusk, Wyo'
PRINTER WANTED-AIan as foreman
OF first class weekly and job office. High
est wages paid to man who wants per-
manent employment and can make good.
Haste. News, Fairbury, Neb.s
AUTOMOBILE chauffeurs, repair men,
and statesmen command big solaries We
teach you the business from TO Ii
Lincoln Motor school, 1923 N street
Omaha daily bee., 1910-12-11

WANTED-Men 20 learn barber trade:
few weeks compietes money earned while
learning; big demand for our Graduates.
wages sl2 10 $40 weekly; constant practice
expert instructions, tools donated: little
expense; be independent. Call or write
Moler Barber College. 40 S. 18th St