The Brandon news., 1910-01-13
NEWS OF LOCAL NATURE.


| An editor works s65 days in year
to get out fify-two issues of a paper,
that's labor. Once in while sub
scriber pays a year in advance for his
paper, that's capital. And once in while
some son-of-a-sea-cock of a dead beat
takes the paper for two or three years
then skips out without paying for it, that's
anarchy.
The poor editor was dying; but when
the doctor placed his ear to the pa
tents heart and muttered sadly, "Poor
fellow circulation almost gone" the editor
raised himself and gasped: "TNis false,
we have the largest circulation of any
paper in the county!" then sank back upon
his pillow, with triumphant smile upon
his face. He was consistent to the end
lying about his circulation.
|
Il
kinds of men in the world-"The wills
| the wonts and the cants." The first
effect everything, the next oppose every
thing and the last fail in everything.
"I will" builds our railroads and steam
boats; 'T WON'T don't believe in expert
ments and nonsense; while sT can't" grows
weeds for wheat and commonly ends
his day in a court of bankruptcy.
A correspondent wants to know when
to use 'shall" and Should" Never use
"shall'' when you should use SHOULD" and
never use "shouldn when you should use
SHALL" In short we should always say
Should" whenever we should and never
should say "shall' when we should say
SHOULD" Is that plain enough?
Somebody claims to have discovered a
substance which is 900 times sweeter
than sugar. The substance is supposed to
be about 1S years old, wears a hustle,
and is not as scarce in most communities
as would be supposed.
n - ##
1t is said there is time in every
boys life when he is about 1o years
old that he needs one good licking. If he
J doesn't get it he will believe for the rest
r L E L L. AZ
A woman, whose husband died recently,
leaving her $4,000 life insurance, reported
the sad news to her eastern relatives
thusly: "Jim died this week. Loss fully
covered by insurance.
!, What do you think of a man who
will at the table, tell the Lord he is
thankful for the things before him, but
as soon as he says "Amen" will begin
storming about the cooking.
Where there is will there is way
Recently a man in an adjoining town
wished to attend a show, but had not
the means. To steal was not honorable
J and to beg he was ashamed. At last a
, happy thought struck him. He went into
a grocery store and bought package of
J coffee on time, and sold it for cash down
! the street This gave him money enough
to enter the show and buy refreshments.
Yes, its the little things that hurt. A
common seven-day measly little fly will
make an orthodox Christian swear forty
strokes to the minutes, while if the same
man had his head taken off by a July
tornado he wouldn't say word about it.
A sad-faced editor with fingers on the
bottom of his trousers, and the wind
singing mournfully through his whiskers,
sat in his sanctun MISUNDERSTANDING.
+ Presently a shadow fell across the room
and shrill voice demanded to know if he
was the editor. Yes sir" said he with a
look of alarm. The owner of the voice
his way. Thank heaven! exclaimed the
editor after he had gathered together the
wreck of his former self and had straigh-
tened up the furniture, life is still worth
living; expected he would tell me to
stop his paper.
A Missouri exchange threatened
last week to publish the name of the
young man seen with his sweetheart's
head on his shoulder if he didn't come
across with a dollar on subscription.