davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22
LAFE, A FARM HAND, TURNS SOLDIER

and that nobody knew whittier he had
gone.
One day. not so long ago, | was emerg-
ing from house in the northwest section
of Washington, where ] had been calling
upon some old friends.
The cook of the household, a quite ell
derby white-wooled and very black wom-
an. was standing in the areaway. her
hands swaddled comfortably i'm her apron.
talking with black soldier.
Now, there's something pretty dashine
about black soldier. IL you've ever no
ticed it. This was the finest-looking black
soldier I had ever clapped an eye upon.
and, casting ii all up. | suppose I've seen
as many soldiers as almost anybody,
hither and yon
This fellow was simply picture OF per-
feet soldieriness. He was considerably
above six feet I'm height. shoulders as
wide as a door. as straight as a javelin.
with waist line that many a shave-tail
just out of West Point would have viewed
with envy. Athleticsm was apparent In
every movement of the black soldiers
body He carried himself. not pompously
or arrogantly or swell-headedly, but with
the splendid. easy, naturally erect bearing
OF finished soldier.
On the sleeves of his perfectly fitting
khaki blouse were the yellow chevrons
and the diamond denoting that he was
first sergeant c'top soldier" In barracks
parlance) Of a troop OF cavalry.
He was good to look at I've seen VET
Grams like Gen. Schofield and Gen. Miles
turn in their tracks TO gaze admiringly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

ing the appropriations committee, OF
which lie is member, hypnotized. the
House of Representatives buffaloed and
the United States Treasury faded to fin
ish But this is about Remline, not
Brownlow. Up TO a year or so ago. ana
for good many years preceding that,
Remline held some sort OF a doorkeeper
job at the House end of the Capitol; one
Of those peaceful, slumberous little jobs,
which Mr.. Remline improved by doing a
part of the time. waking up at frequent
intervals to show visitors into the gal
lery and to tell waiting world of the
virtues of his patron saint. Mr.. Remline.
who is a gentle soul. came back to town
the other day on a little visit. He had
been living in rural seclusion for so long
that he got trif1e confused by the Union
station. stepped too near the tracks. and
was caught behind the knees and thrown
half way across the Plaza by the bust
nesslike tenders of one of those big pay
as-you-enter cars
The old gentleman was stunned for
few minutes and when he came to he
found a collection of conductors, motor
men, starters and other street railroad
employees around him, asking questions.
They wanted to know his name, his age.
his color where he was born. where he
expected TO die, If he was married.
whether he rad any children, why he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

TT looks very much as IL Representative
ellie James OF Kentucky WOULD lie
known by his colleagues as Jesse
James" for the rest OF his natural lie.
At the republican caucus the other night
Representative Cooper of Wisconsin. WHO
has revolving whiskers and loves 10 in
surg against the regulars organization
i'm the House. got up on the floor to
make few remarks about Rainer az
Illinois and James, who had been select
ed by tho minority caucus held wHcn
before for a place on the BallinScg-
Fine hot investigating committee
Nr. Cooper didn't call Mr.. Rainey cut
of mis- name. but three four times H.
sloke OF the Kentuckian. in saying I'M
complimentary things about him. as
Jesse James. He did IL So solemn.r.
too. that he had his colleagues guessing
as to whether he really meant anything
Oh. not. Mr.. Cooper does not ordinarily
condescend to fragile the dignity Of his
wind resisters sufficiently to become hum
orous Finally. Representative Campbell
of Kansas jumped up and reminded Mr..
Cooper that Mr.. James was Ollie. NOT
Jesse. and that Jesse. now dead. had
been a celebrated bandit. hichwayman
train robber and otherwise generally OH
jecticnable citizen.
Mr. Cooper wasn't a bit Illustrated. He
explained. smoothly and suavely. that
On, e upon a time he had been interested
in the prosecution of a genial person VIII"
had been connected in a somewhat haz-
srdcus undertaking. with the late la
mented Jesse. and that the name, some
how or other. seemed TO stick in 'as
...ind.
All the republicans srinned. IL IL les
Sc not ollie. from now on.
Incidentally. II Mr.. James does not
take that name just right there won
ho
label on him in public. lie is the big
sest man I'm the House physically. being.
believe me. nine feet high and weighing
one long ton.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

other little wallop at the mighty city OF
Frederick The farmer was agreeable
and so was the farmers wife. LATE had
worked hard and he deserved a crack at
the headlong life of Frederick.
They fixed LATE up right >tidy for the
expedition. The farmer staked LATE to
suit of clothes from the general store.
and also got him a pair of shoes-Lafe
always did his hardest work in his bare
feet. LATE looked pretty finely investi-
tured. so to speak. when he started for
Frederick by way of the pike. He had
bandanna handkerchief covering the front
of his hickory shirt by way of ornamental
ton, and this impaired gay air to him.
His new pair of store shoes squeaked
grandly as he passed down the road. He
had two big silver dollars in his jeanlets,
and there was sort of questioning yet
eager. excited light in his eyes when he
made the start.
LATE was due back from Frederick in
four days. and he was back on the min
ute. He was excessively subdued. For a
couple OF days he wouldn't say anything.
Obviously. Frederick and its tremendous
urban activities had overwhelmed him
again. After a couple of days. however
Lafe thawed out, and gradually he un-
folded to me the wonders he had seen in
Frederick.
Apparently. what had impressed him
most in roaring Frederick on this visit
had been the sight of what he called
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

course she didn't: she pulled the hand
holding the telegram out OF his reach.
"Of course I DON'T" she said to him.
It's my telegram. isn't it? Well. them
That was A convincing argument, all
right 1t was her telegram. There was
no denying that So the husband just
picked up his moccasins and walked up
and down the room, groaning in the pro-
fundity of his misery.
THE worst OF 1t is she went on, as
if to herself. II don't know Just where
| am to go, even IL l have to start to-
morrow morning. Mamma is away out
in Ohio. and Uncle Jerry is i'm Indiana
and Sister julie is I'm Michigan. and Cousin
Carrie is in New York, and, of course,
don't know whether 1 shall have to
Il know one thing" put I'm her husband
in tone of hOarSe agony. The boy
that brought that telegram here is al
ready down in the alleyway back OF the
telegraph office, shooting craps.
Deed | just wish folks wouldn't send
me horrid old kilograms. although / sup
pose IL is necessary, his wife went on,
musing wretchedly. "Oh. well. l sup
pose | might as we'll
Then she opened the telegram.
1t was from a firm OF furriers in New
York, to whom she had sent fur coat
to be made over. and to whom on the
previous day she had sent urgent
letter asking when the coat was to be
finished. The telegram read:
Coat shipped this evening"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22
Bishops Don't Do So.

FRIEND of the late Father Tabb
"A said in Ellicott City:
This fine poet and good man thought
that class hatred was due to ignorance
that the rich knew too little of the poor.
and vice versa.
''He once illustrated this ignorance with
the story Of a Methodist bishops wife
who addressed a meeting of slum house
wives on their home duties The address
made the home life seem all very fine and
ideal. but one housewife voiced the opin-
ion of the rest perhaps when she said
to her neighbors. with sniff:
she's all right as far as she goes,
hut what I'd like to ask her In this:
What does she do when her old bishop
comes home on pay night with his en-
,velope empty and a fightin" jag on"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22
SELLING THE OLD HOME FURNITURE

a gummy notebook and a stub of a pen
ell.
well. 1 led the way and switched on
the electric lights and illuminated all the
rooms while he hustled through my. fiat.
His scorn az he glanced at my stuff was
manifest. and it irritated me consider
ably.
Say l said to him when he hoisted
the coverings Of one of my brass beds
to see If there were boxed springs. are
you a dealer?
HE grinned indulgently at me.
''Oh, what's the difference: he In
quired OF me in a confidential tone. You
can't get anything for this jul mean
stuff. except from dealers. Stuff like this
is a drug. you know
well said !, some more irritated
Il took the pains to state in my adver-
tisement that 1 didn't want to decker
with dealers, and meant it,, and l start
ed to guide him toward the hall door.
"'Wel I'll tell you what I'll do for
YOU. mister said he to me. not even
budging. I'd have to practically give
this jul mean stuff away. But / like to
help folks out that are in a pickle. III
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

sort O flop tiredly around large 1dfm-
house porch, blowing smoke rings at the
dim-distant horizon and watching other
folks workD
On this farm, bound over to the farmer
as a prentice farm hand, was a miracle
Of black obtusity and opacity by the
name Of LATE.
LATE was couple Of shades darker
than the frame of the typewriter upon
which this piece-for -the-paper is being
written. He was huge. gangling. enor-
mously good-natured black boy about
eighteen years old. He had been born
and lived all his life within about
rocks throw OF the farm upon which
he worked.
LATE was as natural a Malay or a
Zulu and a blamed sight Differentiated
than either. His grin was almost lit
orally from ear to ear. He was on the
job all the time. from chicken-rise To
owl-hoot. No kind of work. no quantity
of work, ever got Lafes nanny. so to
speak. or ever pulled complaint out
Of him. He was there with the cleav-
ing grin all the time He looked and
acted like he was just made to work.
Nor did he mind it. apparently, that he
didn't get any of his wages. Being An
apprentice hand, according to the system
that prevails in some of the Maryland
farming CouItleS. LdIe = WdSeS WIZ
handed over to his father. a decidedly
worthless black man who bought
power Of gin out Of his sons earnings.
LATE just dubbed along, working like
Hindustan elephant engaged in logging,
and grinning all the time.
LATE, as / found in the course of many
protracted conversations with him, just
didn't know anything. There wasn't d
waddling duck on the farm that didn't
have Just about as acute an idea about
things as LATE possessed. Lafe's ideas
with respect to the world that lay beyond
that Frederick county farm were SO in
tensely strange. comic, simple, that j was
them.
He had only been in the town of Fred
erick-which was quite some distance
away from the farm-twice in his life
Frederick had dazzled him. The SPLEEN
diferous metropolitanism. the roar and
rush, the headlong struggle. the towering
buildings. the quality folks" of Frederick
the occasions of those two visits. He was.
in fact. little afraid of Frederick town.
as he frankly told me. The town was too
immense, too precipitate and catapultlc
for his quiet tastes. Still. he liked Fred
erick. even if he was manifestly afraid of
it. This is no unusual thing. There are
slews and slathers of folks who. living In
little towns or cities are afraid of New
York and yet like that crazy town.
Well the harvest all over. and
work on the farm was slackeninS UP. and
the extra hands had gone their way. ana.
while I still was on the farm. LATE got
1t into his head that he must have an
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

give you two hundred and a half for
your mess
Mess, That got me on the raw. More
over, ii got me on the rawer to have
this fellow assume SO complacently that l
was in a pickle and therefore forced to
sell my gear at the first figure offered.
On your way / said to him, with
out further ceremony
But he didn't bulge from the bed
room where We were holding this col
loquy.
Well, mister I'll tell YOU what III
do. then. said he. jabbing away at his
gunrIny note book with his stub of a
pencil. I want to help you out. as say.
and so I'll loosen up a little with YOU
I'll hand you three for the mess-slip 1t
to you right now. Want it?' And he
dug into his trousers pocket and pro-
duced a large greasy wad of bills. at the
same time glancing up at me with a sort
OF contemptuous cupidity.
I've already hidden you good night, /
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22
CARE you a candidate for any local

&C. RE you a candidate for any local
"A jobs?" one prominent resident OF
Washington asked another on the street
the other day.
Hush" the other replied; somebody
might hear you. / most decidedly am not.
and if l hear OF anybody suggesting me
for anything at all I'll beat the offender
to pulp. Why. this present method of
appointing local folks that seems to have
found SO much favor at the White House
is just fierce. 4 man is chosen, and In a
sort of official. semi-official way his name
is announced, but his commission isn't
handed over. AS a result, about one thou
sand members of the Knockers Club. the
Mud Throwers' Society. the Pull-em-
Down Association and various other al
lied bodies advance on the White House
in great numbers. Then the fun begins.
If the candidate. while at the mature age
Of seven. ever stole an apple or broke a
window that scandalous allegation is
brought forth from the moth balls and
laid before the proper authorities In all
its heinous colors. If the candidate. when
a pupil in the public schools. ever played
the historic game of hockey, this horrinc
fact is narrated in a red-sealed amdaVit-
If when a lad in college the candidate
ever became soused and lifted barber
sign or a section of picket fence with
gate attached. this crime is set forth
with all the proper solemnity. Then the
unfortunate is told to refuse the offer
and somebody else is put in the pan.
No" said the prominent citizen, Il am
not a candidate for any local job. am
not aware that l ever committed any high
crimes and misdemeanors during the
course of my peaceful existence. but l
guess I've overlooked a bet or two. OF
course. there may be case now and then
where a smiling and apparently respect
able exterior conceals an interior that
isn't just up to standard, but oftentimes
according to my view. the innocent get
caught in the overflow. Me for the sim
pie life. No local jobs in mine"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

had tried to knock a perfectable car off
the track and a lot more to the same eff
feet. Finally the old gentleman pulled
himself together.
all going to do? Why are you all asking
me these questions?"
Why" replied a conductor. in case
of a lawsuit"
rs you Ia, al 60, going to sue m eth grin
"but you might sue u.s.
Mr. Remline jumped UP off the ground.
busted himself of with great vigor. pat
ted the conductor on the back and smiled
in a genial. all-embracing way.
MY dear young friends" he said. IF
I have done any harm to the fender on
your car. 1 sincerely apologize. II you
amt going to sue me. I thank you most
kindly for that But as for me suing
And Mr. Remline picked up his carpet
bag and beat 1t for the Capitol, to bask
in the light Of the countenance OF his
guide, mentor and friend.
. REPRESENTATIVE MANN Of Illinois.
N the great objector, has a manner
that on occasions is calculated to brighten
an unaccustomed or timid newspaper man
if there are any such-to death. But he
is being found out The other day cor
respondent who knows him pretty we'll
went to ask him some questions that he
had been told by his paper to put to the
Illinois congressman. They were foolish
questions. That almost goes without say
ing, as half the queries that come by wire
to members OF the Capitol press galleries
would be considered first rate evidence
before a jury that the sender was ar
fiicted with congenital idiocy, or worse.
But the correspondent had to ask the
questions just the same, and Mr.. Mann,
who was feeling a bit off his feed that
morning. blew up like a mogul locomo-
tive After he had whistled and snorted
and cut scandalous for a while the news
paper man broke IN.
Mr. Manu." said he, II wish you would
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22
A Needed NeOI0giSm.

9 ENATOR BEvERIDGE. discussing an
- international marriage. said. with a
smile:
$50 many OF our richest girls have
married foreign noblemen that I under
stand they don't speak OF the aristocracy
over there any more. They say the heir
csstocracy."
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

tive Norris Sheppard of the Lone Star state
was one of those called upon. The Hon.
Morris, when he was in coliege. not So
many years ago, took all the prizes on
the premises for public speaking. Grating.
delivering valedictories and so forth. he
still talks the same way. and the club
sat spellbound.
When it was all over a newspaper man
blew in and asked friend who had
made the hit of the evening.
Sheppard" replied the friend.
What did he say"
"Oh. said the friend. with a disdain-
full wave of his hand, Il don't know
what he said. 1 doubt if ANYBODY does
But one thing is certain. His language
was just grand.
THERE are so many civic" organ
izations in the United States nova
days that many people who have joined
one or more of them actually don't seem
to remember to which one of the bodies
they happen to belong. To the meeting
of the National Civic Federation in
Washington the other day there came as
a delegate man whose name couldn't be
found among the names of members nor
on the list of official representatives of
states, trade bodies or associations of
other kinds. After the federation Of
icidls Iidu sedftheu loi nan a uds' .'o
man who had come as a delegate began
to get worried and wired to his home to
look over his correspondence and find
the letter asking him to attend the an
nual convention of the body to which he
belonged. When the answer came back
the difficulty was Strengthened out. He
had visited the wrong body at the wrong
city. Further inquiry develops the fact
that during the past month there have
been at least a dozen civic something
or others in session in various parts of the
country.
1t would be a good thing for members
and delegates to read their official cards
before starting conventionward hereafter.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

on her left side, as il to still the beat
ing of her heart. The telegram was ad-
dressed TO her.
It's from mamma, l know. she gasp
ed land It's terrible news. l know, too.
The last time mamma wrote me she said
she had a dreadful cold. and so / Just
know that
well, open it. fwhy don't you?" said
her husband.
The lady read the address on the en-
velope with reflective. wondering eyes.
1t was addressed all right. too. There
wasn't anything to wonder about. But
she wondered.
Boys waiting for his book. said her
husband. why don't YOU sign the
book?''
IF it isn't from mamma" said the
lady, then I know perfectly we'll that
it's from Sister julie. She hasn't been
well for a long while, and I've been wor-
rying dreadfully about her. and l just
know that she is
'Oh. shucks, give me the book and let
me sign II SOS that poor kid of mes
senger boy can be on his way said the
man. and he took the book and signed
il and handed the maid a piece of silver
to slip to the messenger boy: and SO
that part of the transaction was over.
It had taken him quite couple Of min
utes to do these things. but when he
looked up at his wife. why. there she
was. still examining the address on the
unopened telegram, occasionally. turning
the envelope over SO as to study the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

ed look intensifying as he got into his
narrative. Just furniture. And l want
', tell YOU one thing: If you're entertain
irg the imbecile idea that your own furni-
tIpe, no matter how nifty 1t may be- is
one Of your realizable assets worth con-
sideIlng. why. just forget it, won't you
forget it once and forever"
He was quite choked with emotion by
this time, but after a while / contrived to
get him going again.
Well you'll find out all about it If
ever you have to sell your furniture in
New York. that's all I've got to say" he
went on. his monomania strong upon
him. II know. you know. because I've
inst sold the furniture of my eight-room
nat.
When my department sent me from
Washington TO New York. little over
year ago, there was general sort of
an understanding that l was to stick
around here on the job for the remainder
Of my natural life or good behavior.
so. after many talkfests with the
wife, it was decided that we were going
to live in comfort here and have a real
human-being kind of q fiat. We spent a
month picking out furniture. 1t was some
furniture, too. IL / do say so as should
not Just leetle bit above the average
OF New York fiat furniture, il you are
willing TO take il from me- 1t was all
staple. substantial goods. and no fluff
or gingerbread about it.
Inasmuch as We were scheduled to
stay here in New York right along. We
bought a whole housekeeping outfit, from
canape to crackers and this buy set me
back just few dollars short Of two
thousand. o
Il got the piano secondhand at a bar
gain-an immense bargain-althougli it
almost new. with not a nick on it, I
got half dozen quite fairish pictures.
acknowledgements a secondhand bar
gain. too: but all the rest OF the truck
was dead new.
Well, a couple or weeks ago-righ,
after the New Year-my Washington de-
partment handed me a Knockout. In
formed me that i was to quit the New
York office and undertake a permanent
travelling job for the government. with
headquarters in Washington. That, of
course. meant the breaking up of the
plant here. Permit me TO remark, In
passing. that if ever again l buy so
much ten-cent tabouret in the fur
niture line-as long as ] am working for
the government. anyhow want some
body to sick herd OF water-buge on me.
I've learned lot about the insanity of
buying furniture when you're the
yanking- around list OF your Uncle Sam
nei There wouldn't be any use in my
dragging furniture down to Washington
when I'm going to be travelling all the
time. for my wife would rather board in
Washington. of course, than to keep
house when there isn't any husband per-
son around TO keep things together for
well when l got my recall, adver-
tised my fiat furniture to be sold in
bunch. nothing separate, dealers ignored
and invited those interested to come and
have a peek at the stuff after O'Clock
OF evenings.
Were the interested ones right on the
job: They were. The first OF them to
arrive obviously had ignored that part
of my advertisement which stated that
dealers would be ignored. for blind man
could have seen through a Scotch mist
that thew were dealers.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

darkly reproving glance. II think 1t Is
such a way when you know perfectly
we'll. or ought to know. that this. horrid
telegram is the announcement that either
mamma or Sister julie Or Uncle Jerry
is
DEAR said her husband patiently, but
gosh all fish hooks. why don't YOU tear
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

leave. ! had never seen him looking
anything but CHEEKY in Washington in
the old years; wherefore his Disguised
look as he ploughed along Nassau street.
away downtown where his New York
office was. surprised me into asking him
what happened to be irking and carking
him.
Its furniture" he replied. his disgust
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-22

L ! T E a peart
stretch of years
ago-make it about
fifteen ard it'll be
close to correct
the undersigned
spent a lollful, loaf
full, pipe-smokeful
September on a
farm in Frederick
county, Maryland.
(For tits a fine
thing, shipmates, to