Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1910-12-29
Slow Start

III tell you one thing" said the
patient, as he composed himself in
the dentists chair You needn't tell
ne I've got bad mouth, because 1
know 1t. I'm quite aware that it has
been neglected. II l had taken care
Of my teeth they wouldn't be in bad
condition and in that case / shouldn't
have had to come to you. l want TO
have that understood before l be-
gin.
That's understood. said the dem
list Lean back, please. and open
your mouth and let me see what's
the trouble"
Wait a minute" said the patient.
Don't you tell me that you intend
to conduct the examination from the
outside / know that too I'm not
going to open my mouth any wider
than | can without hurting it I'M
less it's necessary so you needn't be
alarmed I know that's just pro-
fessionaI joke. but I don't like pro-
fessional jokes"
I won't make any" the dentist
assured him.
If you think you've got to fill the
tooth you needn't get jocular about
the dam that you're going to put into
my mouth There are twenty-five
dentists in this building besides your
self and I'll bet $40 that there isn't
one Of them that hasn't sprung that
bonmot every time he's pulled sheet
of rubber over a tooth
"Fu keep it in mind said the
dentist
I wish that you would, said the
patient. I'll be obliged to you. And
while you might be quite right in
surmising that I never expected to
wear a golden crown until after
went to that bourn from whence
that jest, too, will be superfuous.
Are you ready now?" asked the
dentist
Just word or two more as a
matter of precaution," said the pa
tient. eff you think you have to put
in bridge say SO plainly and simply
and don't consider the possibility of
ferry answering the purpose"
Well" said the dentist, little
impatiently.
I've come to have my teeth fixed, .
continued the patient. That's the
purpose I entertained in visiting you.
| expect to suffer physically, but l
haven't any notion of allowing you
oh at
the same time, if I can help it,
Quite right, and there's no oc-
casion for it," agreed the dentist.
You needn't tell me, either that
you aren't going to hurt me-" stipu-
lated the patient THAT might go
down with somebody who'd never
been in a dentists chair before, but
this isn't the first time with me and
| know blamed we'll that you are
going to hurt me. The painless
claims of dentistry apply strictly and
solely to the practitioner. You need
not ask me if you hurt me. You'll
hear me boiler and feel me jump
and that ought to be enough
without asking fool questions, |
should think"
Il haven't any doubt that l shall
be able to tell said the dentist. Il
might put glass of water handy
for you to throw at me if I don't
seem to understand and you object
to telling, however"
Il don't want to offend yOu," said
the patient Don't misconstrue what
I'm saying. l want to get this over
with as amicably as possible and l m
mentioning a few of the things that
have a tendency to irritate me. You
can't cheer me up with wittic1sms.
You couldn't make me laugh with
laughing gas and it would interrupt
your work any way, If l INDUCED in
| fits of mirth I'll tell you now that
nv worst tooth-the one that spur
red me to action-has stopped ach-
ing. 1t stopped just as was about
to get in the elevator, so | feel quite
Independent about it. Some men
would have turned around and left
the building without paying you a
cent for the effect of your name as
| they read it in the directory, but I'm
not that kind"
Are you ready to open your
mouth and let me begin now?" asked
the dentist.
"Oh, darn it!'' said the patient
well, l suppose if I must l must"