The San Francisco call., 1910-03-06
M0DERNIZED POT OF
SOCRATES DEATH
Real Story of Old Philosophers
HemIOck Drink Revealed
for First Time
Wooing of Xanthippe and Home
Life of Thinker Told in
Full Detail

Years ago, so many, many years ago,
gentle reader. that to try to compute
the time would turn your chin whiskers
tributor to the Boston Post. there lived
a man by the name of Socrates. His in
innate friends called him Sock" for
short. while other called him old HaH
Hose"
Wei, old Sock was known far and
wide for his wisdom, but in one point,
like many men of the present day, he
erred-Socra tes chose a scold for wife.
Her name was Xanthippe.
When Sock was counting Kant he fell
all over himself, and in his rampant,
raging seething desire to possess his
soulmate he overlooked Xanthippe's S
nasty disposition.
One morning after the state of rose
colored and down leaved bliss bad be-
come slightly dogeared he made the
discovery that the coffee was not what
it should have been-it was a bit off
color, a bit muddy around the edges and
about as bitter full dose of quassia.
Sock said nothing about this first oc-
casion, but it was not long before it
was borne in upon his cerebrum that
the same thing was happening morning
after morning so he said to Kant in his
gentle tone, "Uzzie WuZzie, dear, don
you think the coffee is a little below
the standard which my mother set?
Perhaps you have ground it too fine.
Did you drop in an eggshel before you
took it off the steve?"
This was enough for Xanthippe. She
knew that Socks mother was peach
of a coffee brewer-in fact, he had gem
tly intimated that it would be nice to
have some of the rich aromatic liquid
which daily appeared upon his mothers S
table. Kant could no longer bear the
taunts of Sock, so the avalanche slipped
and poor old Socrates got his'n."
You skulking scapegoat of yellow
whiskered gazunk, You skinny imita-
tion of a 10 cent rube. If you dare 10
as much as intimate that my coffee
does not compare favorably, in fact lay
all over your mothers, I'll swat you a
wallop on the COCO that will make you
think you were taking a cut rate eXcur-
sion 10 Helena, Mont"
Sock replied not. but remembering
that his train would soon start, grabbed
his toga and hot footed it for the depot.
His sole desire was to get into the
city as quickly as possible. Sock knew
where he could get cup of good coffee
before going to the office.
He entered the restaurant, ordered
the steaming brown beverage and
tossed il into his thoraX box.
1t was only a second, however, before
the waiter discovered something was
wrong with Sock, who had collapsed on
the counter, upsetting a plate of dough-
nuts as he gently laid his face in Gus
tard pie.
The manager was called, and seeing
that Sock was fast expiring came to
the conclusion that something must
have been wrong wth the coffee.
Upon questioning the help it was
found that cup of hemlock had been
showed through the slide by mistake.
This cup had stood near the opening
where the beans and hash were pushed
through the partition from the kitchen.
The hemlock was intended to be sprin
killed. about the shelves to keep the
water bugs from presiding over the
premises.
Just before Sock slid through to an
other world he opened his eyes and
confided TO the management that even
Xanthippe's coffee was sweet compared
with the death dealing hemlock.
And now. patient reader, isn't this
little story a lesson TO you? Isn't il a
lesson TO me? Yes!i, I never say a
word about my wife's coffee. Never.