Pocahontas star herald., 1910-07-01
autobiography of a Fly
(By Mr.. A. Pesky Fly.D


infancy, for was only a maggot
then and not real fly. l. did not
get far from the ma anure pile where
l was born, bat | had lots of com
pany there, for that was the fly par
lcr for all the flies near kind Mr..
Jones house. | refer to him kind
because he was nice about leaving
that manure pile undisturbed all the
time and my brothers and sisters
and cousins were growing to be
flies.
If he had removed our home 1t
would have killed us all. So don't
you see why | start my autobiogra-
ply by giving credit. for our exis-
tence to the man who kept his yard
so nicely unclean?
1t is uDsual to tell something about
ones parents, but never saw mine.
! have heard that my mother ven
tured out upon some tanglefoot
swamps and got stuck SO tightly
that she pulled off all her legs try
ing to get to safety. My father,
too met with an untimely death at
the hands of little boy with a
rubber band.
As soon as | became fly l learn
ed how TO fly and how to hang on
the ceiling waiting for morning to
come 80 that might hop upon
somebody's face or head or crawl
over the sugar or the butter or
bread.
When was old enough to fly l
married aud ten days later was
made the father of 1870 dear little
fly children. We do not believe in
race swicide. | was a grandfather
to IA, 400 fly children before was
more than a month old. No, Mr..
Roosevelt did not pin any medals
on me Some of my brothers no
older than 1, had even larger fami-
lies.
Some people think that we flies
are mere nuisances and ought not
10 be tolerated. But there are
some men who ought to be very
thankful to us, for we have helped
= tfieiE In their business wonderfully.
If l had my way about it, every
undertaken, doctor, grave digger,
druggist or hearse driver would pay
us commission. If it were not
for us the cemeteries and crema-
tories wouldn't be near filled, and
the casket makers would be work
ing on half time.
WhyI know lot of places where
/ carefully gathered up million or
two Of germs upon my feet and
tOted them into houses that had no
screens. There was the case of that
kind lady who did not have any
screens upon her house. Later on,
when the kind lady and her son
died Of typhoid fever, and the
house went to a distant relative, be
was unkind enough to put up screens
Just to keep US out. Now isn't
that gratitude for your ri
like to eat the first few courses
of my dinner at the garbage pail or
III the barn or outhouse, and then
fly to the baby's crib for some
milk out of the baby's bottle. Of
ten The baby dies in few days, and
then l have to find another baby
with a bottle. Some people are
mean enough to intimate that have
caused the death of the child Ger
tainly the baby's mother wanted
me to drink the baby's milk or she
wouldn't have left the mosquito
bar off the crib.
All of my fly friends have spec
ialties. Some of them live altogeth-
er in the house, mostly in the kitch-
en-, that is if the kitchen isn't too
clean. Many of my brothers and
sisters prefer outhouses, only oc-
casionally taking bath in a glass
OF water on the dining room table.
sm making speciality of visit
ing rooms of sick people Where
ever they have any contagious fe-