Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1910-12-22
HUMOROUS QuIPs
Some Don'ts For Christmas.

~ y sSSulb(AS0
Don't send a grand piano to your
1ancee in Chicago with a little note
requesting her to put it into her stock
ing.
Don't send an electric runabout to a
freezing widow with five starving chill
dren. This is like throwing a rope of
pearls to a drowning man.
Don't give your wife a set of Rus
sian sables or an ermine opera cloak
If your balance at the bank is down to
an overdraft Of SAIL.
Don't present your pastor with a copy
of THE Worlds Best Sermons" He
might preach one of them by mistake
and interfere with your Sunday morn
ing nap.
Don't send a blank check signed to
your son in college. AS a student of
the arts it may be that he has learned
to draw.
Don't undertake to impersonate San
ia Claus for the d%electation of your
children and try to come down a 4
by 8 fue if you have a waist meas
urement Of ifty-seven inches.
Don't be ostentatious in your celebra-
ton of the day. The man who decorat-
ed his windows last year with wreaths
woven Of ~greenbacks dotted all over
with maraschino cherries instead of
holly berries is sojourning this season
at Bloomingdale.
Don't appear on the public highways
with a piece of mistletoe decorating
your winter hat unless you are a par
ticularly angular old maid. There are
a large number of freshmen home from
college lurking about, and they might
Well, you never can tell.
Don't fail to discriminate in your
Christmas economies. If you are
using last years gifts for this years
presents be careful not to send to
your rich maiden aunt the very same
ear tabs she knitted for you last
Christmas.
Don't look u~ngraciously on the bar
gain counter cigars your wife buys for
you as a little surprise. but keep them
either to smoke when her mother is
visiting you or to augment your popu-
ularity with the electorate when you
run for Office. Many a man has been
waited into the state legislature on
the strength Of that kind Of weed.
Don't be sarcastic in your choice of
gifts for those you love. 1t is all right
to send a copy of the Payne tariff bill,
bound in pigskin, to your member Of
congress or a barrel Of sand to your
grocer, but it is bad policy to send
vn11ls vuifn q r011inr min 10 ho10S ga
Woman's Club For Mother to Spend
Her Afternoons At" She might insist
upon your joining it some night on
your return from your own club in a
defenseless condition.
Don't make pre-Christmas promises
that you do not intend to fulfill. 1t is
not good form to promise YOU daugh-
ter a ring and her give her a muffin
ring or to tell your son, who is fond
of motoring. that he shall have a new
machine for Christmas and then pre-
sent him with a acuum cleaner or a
~newfangled automatic potato reaper.
Don't fail to investigate closely the
a~ntecedents Of any strange Santa
Clauses that turn up unexpectedly in
your household after midnight. There
are several impostors about imper-
sonating the good old chap who are
entirely unauthorized to represent him
and who have no standing whatsoever
in the Yuletide union. If they stir
your heart to action give them what
you have for them quickly and with
out stint, lest, actuated by the spirit
of the hour, they get in their gifts
first.-Puck.