The Holbrook news., 1910-05-06

The Vicar-Now, children, what is false doctrine? Inspired Maiden Please, sir, bad medicine.
 Young Woman (adoringly)-It must be awfully nice to be wise and know -oh-everything! College Student It is.
 What did you say last night when Jack asked you to marry hjm?" ~l shook my head" Sideways or up and down?"
 She-How did you know I was go- ing to wear my hair curled this even ing? He-I saw it in the papers this morning.
 First Fair Invalid-Which kind of doctor do you prefer-the allopathie or the homeopathic? Second Fair In valid-I prefer the sympathetic.
 Bo5Bie (to Featherstone)-Did you know that you were a relative of ours? Featherstone-S.n nee when? Mother says you are OUT weak brother
 Boy-A man came in and said he wanted to squeeze some money out ot you. Boss-What did you tell himz Boy-I said I was sorry you weren't in.
 Kitty said her mother rebuking- ly, you must sit still when you are at the table" "I can't mamma" pro tested the little girl, Pm a fidgs- tarian."
 "On what ground, madam, do you desire a divorce from your husband?" "Intolerable cruelty; he put the date of my birth in the family Bible Chicago News.
 What bad toothache you've got" "No; but I'm calling on the dentist for the money he owes me, and this is the only way I can get into his house. Fliegende Blatter.
 Women vote! Never, sir, with my consent" Why not?' What! And have my wife losing thirty-dollar hats to other women on the election! !- Boston Transcript.
 Mrs. Newbride - Boohoo! Henry threw a biscuit at me. One that made myself, too. Mother-The mon ster! He might have killed you United Presbyterian.
 How much does it cost to get mar ried?" asked the eager youth Thai depends entirely on how long yoa live" replied the sad-looking man Philadelphia Record.
 Isn't your hat rather curious in shape? asked the> uniformed man Certainly" answered his-wife- It kas to be. Any hat that wasn't curious in : shape would look queer"
 The Girl (rather weary. at 11:S0 P m.)-I don't knew a thing about base ball. The Beau-Let me explain it to you. The Girl-Very well, give me an i illustration of home run.
 Lottie-Is your young minister so very, very fascinating? Hattie-Fa< cinating, Why, lots of girls in our church have married men they hated. just to get one kiss from the rector after the ceremony.-Puck.
 Chumpleigh-Well, my dear. had my life insured for $5.OOO today Ars- Chumpleigh-I'm glad you did, John Now you won't have to be so careful about lodging street cars and auto mobiles.-Chicago Daily News.
 "The American eagle" said the ora tor. knows no fear" Yes" replied MT. Sirius Barker, "the American eagle is mighty lucky. Any bird that isn't good enough to eat has right to con gratulate itself these days. Washing ton Star.
 Physician-Have you any aches or pains this morning? Patient-YeS, doctor; it hurts me to breathe; in fact. the only trouble now seems to be with my breath Physician-All right I'll give you something that will soon stop that.-Boston Globe.
 Aunt Spinsterly-I hope that your opinions uphold the dignity of our sex. Mamie, and that you believe that every woman should have vote? Mamie I don't go quite so far as that, auntie; but I believe that every woman should have a voteri-Human Life.
 Modern Girl-Father, long to be in dependent-to rely upon my own exer- tions for support. What trade or pro fession would you recommend? Wise Father-First class cooks made $5,OOo a year. Modern girl don't like cook ing. It's too feminine!-New York Weekly:
 Dr. McCree-My dear Mrs. Goodman. how could you bring out young child on such a day as this, with such a strong east wind blowing? Mrs Good man-Ah, doctor, you will always have your little joke. How can child of this age possible know what wind 1t is?-Tit-Bits.
 q hope you don't mind me asking. said the young woman, difhdentiy, but should I call you professor or doctor?" "Oh, call me anything you lilra was the great mans reioineK.