The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1910-08-05

A correspondent writes to know
why she is unpopular, since she tries
to be fair and square, to be kind,
honest and trustworthy. She is gen
orally classed as attractive and NICE"
she writes, but l am not popular.
have a kindly, sympathetic feeling
toward everyone" she goes on, "but
people do not seem to reciprocate
my feelings. / will admit that l am
little backward in some things, such
as meeting new acquaintance, and
when in large crowds. But it seems
to me that nice girl with a good dis
position would gain some friends AS
lar as fellows are concerned they
seem to hang around occasionally,
just to pass away the time. | some
times feel that there are no chances
in life for NE as young girl. l
would like to have a really good time
as cannot afford to spend much mon
ey. Do you think l have any chance
in life, and why do you suppose l am
unpopular"
| am inclined to believe that this
girl is not so unpopular as she thinks.
Were she to meet with trouble or re-
verses of any kind believe she would
find that she had host of friends
who would come to her aid. People
are so rushed nowadays that they
fail to do the little thoughtful things
that mean so much to a lonely young
girl winning her way in the world
But when big trouble comes along,
they are quick to offer sympathy and
help, which shows the girl really has
a warm place in their hearts.
But, for the sake of argument,
suppose we admit as true all that
this girl writes about herself. What,
then, is the matter, and what can she
do to remedy this state of affairs.
Perhaps she does not show in the
most tactful way her kindness to-
ward others, and her desire to win
friends. I knew a girl whose life
was most unhappy because she had
no friends, but who overdid the mat
ter of trying to make friends. She
thrust favors and kindnesses upon
people when they did not want them,
and she was patronizing and con-
descending in the bargain. The re-
suit was, her overtures were rarely
successful. She was totally uncon.
scious of her unfortunate manner
and grieved, and wondered why. when
she did so much for others, they did
not respond. I do not say this is the
cause of my correspondents unpop-
ularity, but she may have some man
nerism that contributes to it.
Again, in spite of the good quail
ties she possesses, she may be mega
tive, one of the colorless characters
that make no impression. One does
not want to be pushing and aggres.
sive, but one does need to make an
impression in some way. The mega
tive girl makes no distinct mpres-
sion. People cannot say whether she
has been at social function or not,
whereas they ought to recall, and re-
call pleasantly, that she was there
by reason of something she has said
or done, or by her pretty dress, if by
nothing else.
The real trouble, however, think,
with my correspondent, is that she is
diftident. She does not need to feel
terribly discouraged about it. She is
young and will outgrow it. In the
meantime, she should endeavor to
cure it. The fact that "the boys
come and hang around occasionally"
shows there is incipient liking for her
there. Make them have a good time
and they will come some more. Boys
sometimes are bashful, too, and if
they go to a girls house and things
are rather slow, they are shy about
going again. If one is not a good