davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wiarus. (Winona, Minn.) 1895-1919, 1910-09-29
z PlO[ZNANSKIEGO.

KORNIK. Niemleckl cesarze.
VICE wraz z swymi dwona bratml
! adjutantem, korsystajac pobytu
" Poznaniu, uda} sic s%amochodem
do .K6rnika. PrzybYwszY tamdotqd
poszed{ do p. dr.. Celicho wsklego,
pe}nomocnika .d6br k6rnickich, ale
60 ME z~asta}, pszedsts VII sic zonie
jego jake niemleokl cesarzewlcz
pros;} 0 pozwolenie ola siebie ola
swych braci orax %adjutanta do obej
rzenla zamku k6rnickiego. Wszysoy
ubrani byli pc cywilne mu. PAM DIR.
Celichowska poleci}a burgrabiemu
zamku azeby oprawadsi} gosci pc
zamku. z wlelklem zajeciem ogla-
dali synowie cesarsoy nagromadzoos
ne zkiory l starry s}awny park sam-
kowy. Niebawem rozesz}a SIG pc.
Ig}oska, re dobra k6rniokle " dro~
DE wyw}aszczenia przejda M Was
nose prusklego nastepcy from =
alec W to wierzyt ME trzeba. DO
pruski nastepca tronu pewnie ME
bedzle: chciaf pos!ada6 d6br " ten J
spos6b nab1tych. =.
JAROClN. Pies polloyjny Flok,
w}as:od6 powiatu jaroclhskiego, 0
[kazat sic bardzo sprawnym. w Go
RE skradzono " abieg}ym tygodnlu
sporo owocu, a celem w~yna]ezienia
szkodnika sprowadsonego Floka
Pies, obwaohawssy: drsewo, 2 ktd~
reqo owoo skradziony, pobieg} do
jednego : dom6w robotniczyoh lecz
ME z~nalaz}szy tn dsieoi, puso,t sis
nastepnie " strone szko}y. tn sta
nal prly dw6ch ch}opcach, kt6rsy "
wielkim. straohu .przysnali SIG: do
kradziezy. zaznaczyd= prsytem wy
pada, 4e pies zwletrsy} sprawo6w
pc p~rzesz}o u g~odzinach po kra
dziety..
NIEDOMYSL. Podczas bury
-: -" - e. - ...E-E +: r .,.l r. -. 80 - -
jaka s,e tn zesz}ym tygodniu srciy'
Ia, urwa} wicher 6mlge starego via
traka prey ulioy kolejowej. Wiatrak
ten jest bardzo starym zabytkiem. a
przytem oso bllwo6ol2. Odsnacza}
ale BOWEN tenn, 10 posiadas. piec
6mig.
GNlEZNO. Okropny polar pow.
stall we wtorek rapo We fabryce
maszyn Brandenburgera ma Poznan'
sklem przedmie6ciu. Dwaj uoznio-
vie Kaldasch i Bender 1ak{adall
Ekurek do beczkl pokostu, ably SO
bic ulatwi6 sprawe, prsepalal1 heck
|ke rospslonem .elazem. Przytem'
nastep,l shiny vybach. Uozeh Ral:
dasoh, jak czytamy v ,,Lechu',
|4g,nat ma miejsca ! 1ostal supe}n,et.
!spalony, uczeh Brendler' 1osts1 poepa
!. ~ - (. # - - = &
Elony ijedyne prsytomuosc; jednego.
= rsemieslaikdw fabrycsnyoh zaw-
id.ieosa swo,e iycie. PoiAr wyr1a
dill w fabrYoe wielkie spusto'.s,e-;
MIA, v laso j fabryk', radn y'
m,ejski lBran,d / " t1oh
dni.ch. w4a6n,e wyjeoha} do w6d.
The San Francisco call., 1910-08-07

Ten dollars week paid for these stories S. for the hest for
lie othes 81 or more Send the funniest stories you know
pestcars 10 Editor Funny Sde P O. Box 1854 New York -
The San Francisco call., 1910-08-07
The Funny Sides Funny Stories

NHEcKs rUBl
II was Henrys (ase
eov,
entered, his voice audible the whole
looking
gutrys"
W. Da~ psnvsc
your
fshngv'
needw
Eholy hard ef ah dar."
An sentry allow smoke
The San Francisco call., 1910-08-07

ON UsE POST OAkDS NO MANUSCRIPTS HE1U"NIIJ
An
put It
Smoking 1t,
evidence against
s hilton nnreetJ City, 4 y.
an
Gallagher replied Bridget up
the totals"
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20

A hearty laugh was occasioned at
the Birmingham police court by pris-
oner who gave himself away in very
delightful manner. The man was the
first on the list. and the charge against
him was merely one Of being drunk
and disorderly. He stepped into the
dock, however, just at the moment
when the dock officer was reading out
few Of the cases which were to come
before the court that morning, and a
guilty conscience apparently led him
to mistake these items fer list of his
previous convictions.
He stood passive enough while the
officer read out about dozen drunk
and disorderlies, but when he came to
one "shopbreaking" the prisoner ex-
claimed excitedly, THAT was eight
years ago, your honor" Everyone be-
gan to laugh, and the prisoner, realiz-
ing the blunder he had made, at first
looked very black indeed, but finally
saw the humorous side Of the matter,
and broad smile spread over his face.
His blunder did not cost anything
Birmingham Mail
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
Too Ardent q Lover.

Georgotto Fontano, an embroiderer
who lives in the Rue Sevres In Paris,
has found herself condemned to a
months Imprisonment for what seems
TO her a harmless act
She was going home from concert
q few evenings ago when she decided
she would like to see her f1ance. AS
he happens to be q fireman whose
station Is in her own neighborhood it
occurred to her 1t would be very easy
to summon him to her side by break
ing the glass Of the fire alarm and
sounding a call.
She did SO anr in few moments
IRE engines came from several direc-
lions, all laden with firemen, of course,
but alas! her f1ance was not among
them, and more than that all the fire.
men were angry. and before she knew
what had happened she was taken to
a magistrate, who proceeded to make
the course of true love run unsmoothly
by sending her to prison for month
In spite of her tears and protests that
she thought 1t would be simple way
of bringing her flance to her side.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20

Four men. three of whom were CON
nected with brokerage concerns in the
Wall street district, were discussing
United States paper currency and the
disappearance of counterfeits. eve
are SO sure nowadays, said one Of
the party, tas to the genuineness OF
bills that little attention is paid to
them in handling, except as to de-
nomination" To prove his assertion
he took $40 yellowback from his
pocket, and. holding 1t up, asked who
could tell whose portrait it bore. No
one knew, and by way Of coaching
the broker said it was the first treas
urer Of the United States. Again no
one knew the name. why, It's
Michael Hillegas,'' said the man
proudly But in confidence. I'll tell
you, didn't know it 1--WE minutes
ago New York Tribune,
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
Planting Wedding oaks.

Princess August Wilhelm, wife Of
the kaiser's fourth son, has set herself
the task of reviving one OF Germany's
Oldest customs, that according to which
newly welded couples Immediately af-
ter the marriage ceremony plant cou-
pie Of oak saplings side by side In a
park or by the roadside of their ma
tive town.
The town of Mulchausen, In Thurin-
gia, is the first to respond to the prin-
cess appeal. A municipal official ap-
pears at the church door after every
wedding and invites the bride and
bridegroom to drive with him in car
riage to new road near the town and
there plant oak saplings.
The tree planting idea was started
by former elector Of Brandenburg
with the object Of repairing the raw
ages caused by the 80 years war. The
elector forbade young persons to mar
Try until they had planted a number Of
fruit trees.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20


of the minuet steps will be in. How
popular they will prove, can't say.
They are not being taken UP any too
cheerfully in London. from what we
hear"
Eyes, slow dances and old world
dances are being revived again" said
Oscar Duryea. I'VE are getting away
from the chicken hop and the bear
hug as much as possible and making
the tempo slower. The idea now is to
bring back many Of the old dances
and old steps from as far back as 20
years ago, in some cases even longer
ago than that. These dances have
come back under new names and
somewhat modified. Today the most
popular dance is the long Boston
waltz. What will lead in popular
opinion six months from now it is diff
ficult to say, but it certainly will be
some slow step suggested at least by
one of the almost forgotten dances OF
the old world courts"
1t will be interesting to note whether
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
DIFFERENCE IN THE RACES
Mexlcans in the Main Unjust In
Blaming Americans for Lack
OF PoIiteness.

All the Mexican correspondents
who have written on the subject Of
why Americans are not better liked
by Mexicans agree that it is largely a
question of lack of politeness on
the part of the foreigner here, and in
some cases an ill-concealed contempt
The latter is inexcusable, and certain
ly must emanate only from inconsid-
crate or poorly educated persons, from
which no nation is free Politeness,
however, is largely matter Of form
and training. 1t is undeniable that
the Anglo-Saxon salutations, methods
of expressing thanks and apprecia
ton, etc, are simpler and shorter
than the Latin forms. To many who
have all their lives been accustomed
to the briefer Saxon ways. an attempt
of the more elaborate Latin politeness
seems, for them. nothing short of af-
fectation. and they simply cannot do
it, There are exceptions among Amer
leans and Englishmen who readily
adopt the courteous phrases of the
Mexicans and use them naturally, but
they are the exceptions. And 1t is
difficult to see how this can readily
be changed. Our Mexican friends
should understand, on the other hand
that If Anglo-Saxons do not, as rule,
go through as many social formalities
as the usages of the land prescribe,
they mean no offense thereby. They
are accustomed to taking good
many things for granted that their
Latin cousins give verbal assurance
of. Naturally, 1t is the duty of the
outlander to conform as nearly as he
can to the ways of his adopted coun-
try, but human nature and settled
habits are pretty hard to make over,
particularly unless you catch them
while they're young. Mexican Her
aid.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
vIvIdat Leaat.

DIR. Hiram c. Cortlandt, the we'll
known theologian of Des Moines, said
in recent address:
Thomas A. Edison tells us that he
thinks the soul is not immortal; but,
after all. what does this great wizard
know about souls? His forte Is cleo
tricity and machinery, and when he
talks of souls he reminds me irresist.
IDLY Of the young lady who visited the
Baldwin locomotive works and then
told how a locomotive is made.
You pour, she said. "a lot of sand
into a lot of boxes, and you throw old
stove lids and things into a furnace,
and they you empty the molten stream
into hole in the sand, and everybody
yells and swears. Then you pour II
out and let it cool and pound 1t, and
then you put It in a thing that bores
holes in it, Then you screw It to
gether, and paint 1t. and put steam in
it, and 1t goes splendidly; and they
take 1t to drafting room and make
a bluep rint OF it. But one thing for.
got-they have to make boiler. One
man gets inside and one gets outside,
and they pound frightfully; and then
they tie 1t to the other thing, and you
ought to see 1t go.'"
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20

Runners of woven Indian basketry.
with white drawnwork doilies at each
Of the 10 covers, were used on an oval
mahogany table. The doilies were
made at Sitka. In the middle of the
table q mirror held a tall central vase
of frosted glass, surrounded by four
smaller vases, all filed with white
spring blossoms. The edge Of the
mirror was banked with the same
flowers. Pour totem poles were placed
ON doiiies in the angles made by the
runners.
Place cards were water colors of
Alaskan scenery. Abalone shells held
sailed nuts, and tiny Indian baskets
held bonbons. The soup spoons were
Of horn, several Of the dishes used
were made by Alaskan Indians, and
the cakes were served on baskets.
The menu was as follows: Poisson
a la Bering Sea (haiibut chowder),
Yukon climbers (broiled salmon, po-
tatoes Julienne). snowbirds avec
auroraborealis (roast duck with jelly,
Shungnak river turnips, Tanana
beets, Skagway hash (salad), Fair
banks nuggets (ripe strawberries ar
ranged on individual dishes around
central mound Of powdered sugar.,
arctic slices (brick ice cream), Circle
City delights (small cakes). Klondike
nuggets yellow cheese in round balls
on crackers), Nome firewater tcoffee).
--Woman's Home Companion.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
TWO Very Old Ladies.


We have heard great deal lately
about long-lived people, but it is prob
able that the Oldest two people In the
world today are Frau Dutkievitz and
another old lady named Babavaslika.
The former lives at Posem, in Prus-
sian Poland, and was born on Febru-
airy 81, 1885. She is therefore one
hundred and twenty-five years old.
The latter, however, is nine months
her senior, having been born In May,
1874.
She is still fairly hale old woman,
and for nearly one hundred years
worked in the fields Her descendants
number close on 100, and these now
make her a joint allowance. She lives
at the village of Bavelsko, whose
neighborhood she has never quilted
during the whole of her long life. She
remembers events which happened at
the beginning Of last century much
more clearly than those of the last
40 years Dundee Advertiser.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20

attendance of trustees, among those
present being Lord Hartford, Lord
Redesdale, Lionel Gust and Archibald
d. Flower.
The executive committee reported
their proceedings as to the reorgan-
ization of the official staff at the
birthplace and as to the need of i'm
proving the arrangements of the mu-
seums at Shakespeare's house and
New place The committee said 1t
was especially anxious to carry out
the trustees recommendation that
articles of remote Shakespearean in
terest or of small value should be
withdrawn from exhibition at the
birthplace; that the At and pertinent
objects should be methodically
grouped together; that organized eff
forts should be instituted to fill, wher-
ever practicable, gaps in the collec-
ton, notably among the books, prints.
coins, weapons, domestic implements
and other objects of Shakespeare's
era which may be held graphically to
illustrate his life, times of work; and
that the New place museum should
be reconstructed on we'll considered
plan, whereby its aims may be clear
ly distinguished from those Of the
birthplace museum.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
NEW SAWS BADLY NEEDED
The old-Fashloned Ones Somehow
Don't Seem to Fit into Mod
ern Situations.

"You know all the copybook, Nc
Guffey's reader line of talk about ta-
king the advice Of ones elders?" be-
gan the sad-eyed. understood little
man on the car Sure you do. Now
let me tell you something. See that
big, apartment house over there on
the right? And that little business
block right next to IL?
well, there weren't any apartment
houses or business blocks on 1t when
/ first clapped eyes on 1t. 1t was a
bowling wilderness, In fact, and you
could almost chase rabbits up here.
That was about eighteen years ago.
had bunch then-and 4 was only
eighteen years old at that time-that
this land would some day jump in
value by leaps and bounds. When
was twenty years old came into a
bunch of $4,000. went to my guar
dian, an old man. pretty prominent
in estate management and wisdom at
that time. and told him wanted to
soak the whole $4,000 in this block
of ground pointed out to you. The
block was then on the market for
exactly $4,000. The old gentleman
pooh-poohed me.
$50 away, boy he said to me. with
a patronizing smile. You don't know
what you want. . It's my duty to save
you from such wild notions as this
one you've got into your head. They'll
be shooting rabbits and squirrels out
there on that plot so years from now.
G'way.'
II argued it with him, and he sat
down on me- Then he went and In
vested my $4,000 at three per cent.
Three years ago the man who
bought that same block of ground for
$4,000 sold it for about 100000 cash,
and he's now cruising over in the
Mediterranean or some place or
other, while I'm taking my wife. out
for nickel car rides and wondering
where my $4,000 went.
There's got to be new set Of
wise saws invented for twentieth CEN
fury consumption The McGuffey's
reader kind are moth eaten"
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
MINUET COMES BACK.
Queen Mary Of England Would
Revive Slow Tempo.
New York Is Already Making Plans
for Its Adoption and in London
Debutantes Are Hard at Work
Learning steps.

New York.-"Slow" dances are
coming in again. Queen Mary
of England has brought about
the new fashion, and already New
York is making plans for its adoption.
In London the debutantes are hard at
work learning the new steps. Some
of these steps are rather complicated,
Tor they go back to the days of the
ninuet and other charming old world
dances. 1t is almost revolution.
The new dances are one of the first
things in which the influence of the
young English queen Is being felt
Mary of England is an admirer of any
thing that is beautiful and graceful
She dislikes anything that is the
slightest approach to roughness. The
courtly manners and charming pos
turings and movements of former days
always have been highly regarded by
her. Thus the new dances have her
great appreciation. Meantime the
fashionable and gay Londoners are
mourning little. At any rate, they
are obedient, since the merest sug-
gestion of "England's first lady" is a
command. But the livelier dances of
the last few years have been very
popular. The Kitchen lancers,' for
example, has proved unfailing fun.
The debutantes and the young fellows
Of high society in London are trifle
dubious as to whether they are go
ing to have such good times now that
slow" dancing has become an es-
tablished thing.
The tendency is so far away as
possible from the rapid and gay dan
eing Of the past" said a widely
known dancing master in New York.
The English fashion will be adopted.
In our dancing we follow England
very closely. Before the winter is
over, so far as we can see it, many
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
Movement Is Revived for Memo
rial to Shakespeare.
Proposed to Erect and Endow to
Memory Of Giant In Literature
Building in Lond~n Cost
Ing $2,5o0,ooo.

London.--Martin Harvey has deliv-
cred notable address in Leeds on
behalf Of the project to erect and en-
dow in 1916 theater in London as a
memorial of Shakespeare. That
would, he said, be three hundred
years since there died in this coun-
try the most amazing giant in the
literature of the world-an English
man. What had we reared to honor
him and to express our pride in our
great fellow-countryman, to whom the
civilized world had rendered homage?
A trivial and unregarded little figure,
borne above fountain which trickled
its small jet into basin in Leicester
square. That was the sole monument
which was pointed out to the amazed
foreigner who visited the land of
Shakespeare's birth.
1t was now proposed to erect and
endow to his memory a national the
alter at cost of S2,500,00O, and al
ready fifth of that sum had been
raised. AS result it was believed
that Shakespeare would at last re-
ceive in the land of his birth the
homage that he now received only in
Germany. The work which it was
proposed to do in the memorial the
alter was already being done by pri-
vate enterprise
But 1t is impossible always to count
upon continuance of this happy
state of things, Shakespeare's works
alone could hardly be said to be his
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
Great Pains Are Taken in Selection Of
Tree Specimens to Be Given
New York.

New York,-The Japanese govern
ment is taking extraordinary precau-
tions to see that 1000 dwarf cherry
trees. promised the city as a Hudson
Fulton memorial contribution from
Japanese residents, shall be absolute
ly free from faint Of any kind when they
are received here and planted along
Riverside drive. The trees are now
under observation at the experimental
station Of the imperial agricultural de-
partment in Tokyo and will be re-
ceived here next February.
The imperial entomologists have no
titled the park department that the de-
lay in delivering the trees is due to
their desire that the trees shall be
free from allsinsect pests or fungus
when they reach New York. They re-
fer to the fact that the Japanese
cherry trees presented to the city Of
Washington by the aldermen Of Tokyo
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
French Official Etiquet.

The wives of the new French minis
tiers share in the honors conferred on
their husbands, the degree of defer
ence due to them being infinitely es-
tablished by the ''protocole." When
the wife Of minister enters room.
if any deputies or senator's wives are
present, they are supposed to rise
and remain standing until she is seat
ed. Other ministers, wives may rest
in their chairs, but should the prime
minister's wife arise they also must
stand to attention And even Nine.
BRAND (if there we're such person.,
would have to show similar difference
to the wife of the president of the
chamber. With her, according to the
protocole, "e'est la representation ma.
tionale qui entire, lie suffrage univer
sci la France. London Chronicle.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20
PLAN BIG TIRE

own memorial. Shakespeare wrote
for the stage, and how were his works
to be kept alive in those periods of
vitiated public taste which had de-
graded dramatic art and swamped the
stage with vulgarity and meretricious
triviality? There had been such Pc
RODS, notably that of the Restoration.
The taste for higher forms of dra-
matte art was not likely to be the
taste of the average man. What
CALLED the actor manager of the pres
ent time was that the public support
ed works of little merit that were
downright rubbish. The more public
taste could be educated by such an
institution as national theater the
better it would be for the actor man.
ager.
Thus he believed that members of
his own profession had no need to
fear the project.
A special meeting of the trustees
of Shakespeare's birthplace was held
at Stratford-on-Avon lately. Sidney
Lee presided. and there was a large
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1910-12-20

hospital and at the risk of death be cut.
Plain common sense shows the better way
is to stop food that evidently has not been
digested
Then. when food is required, use an easily
digested food. Grape-Nuts or any other II
you know 1t to be predigested (partly digested
before taking.
We brought to Court analytical chemists
from New York. Chicago and Mishawaka, Ind.
who swore to the analysis of Grape-Nuts and
that part Of the starchy part Of the wheat and
barley had been transformed into sugar, the
kind OF sugar produced IN the human body by
digesting starch (the large part Of food.
Some of the State chemists brought on by
the weekly" said Grape-Nuts could not be
called "predigested" food because not all Of
it was digested outside the body.
The other chemists said any food which had
been partly or half digested outside the body
was commonly known as "predigested"
Splitting hairs about the meaning Of a word.
1t is SUFFICIENT that If only one-hah Of the
food is "predigested' It is easier on weakened
stomach and bowels than food In which no
part is predigested.
To show the facts we introduce DR.. Thos.
Darlington, former chief Of the N. Y Board
OF Health. DIR. Ralph w. Webster, chief Of the
Chicago Laboratories, and DR.. B. Sachs, N. X.
If we were a little severe in our denuncia-
ton Of writer, self-confessed ignorant about
appendicitis and its cause, Il is possible the
public will excuse u.s. in view OF the fact that
our head Mr.. @. w. Post mas made lifetime
study Of food. food digestion and effects, and
the conclusions are indorsed by many of the
best medical authorities or the day.
Is 1t possible that we are at fault for
suggesting, as Father and Mother might. to
one OF the family who announced d pain In the
side; stop using tho food. greasy meats.
gravIeB, mince pie. cheese. too much starchy