The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1910-02-06
And we'll all get Jobs, when Teddy
comes n1archinu home"

CoHSS udICHlug nome.
Incidental to the meeting, two candi,
dates were initiated into the Back
from Elba Club and they proved so
proficient in replying to the rapid
fire questions shot at them that
the Grand Marshal promptly passed
them on to the Gridiron club for mem.
ship in that organization. The In
itiates were: John Callan O'Laugh-
lin, of the Chicago Tribune, and Ger
Edmund Miller. of the Detroit News,
But the Elba stunt was only start.
err The real grilling of the Grid.
| ironers' guests came when the clubs
best actors put on their stirring melo.
drama, "Uncle Joe's Cabin; or life
Among the Insurgents" with Uncle
Tom Murdock' in the leading role,
ably assisted by Little Eva Parsons.
Simon Legree Dwight, Marks, the
Speaker, George Harris Hayes,
Adolph Norris, Sambo Gardner. Quinn
BIO Lenroot, Secretary Carpenter" the
auctioneer and others.
"Urcle Tom Mudock" had been
pointing the way for Little Eva Par
sons'' to the insurgent heaven. "whar
that amt no Rules and thar amt no
Speaker; whar every insurgent kin
talk all he wants to and git in the
papers every mornin'; whar the regu-
lars cease from troubling and the
hot air flows so free. Suddenly, "Si-
mon Legree Dwight" with black
snake cracking in the air, disturbed
the scene.
Back to the caucus for yours!'' he
shouted at the terrified Uncle Tom
and Eva. 81 am Simon Legree Dwight,
whip of the house, and here's my
whip
"Massa, Use an insurgent, and l
can't go back whimpered Uncle
Tom.
Well, I'll show you. See that hand?
It's all calloused holding up the post
Offices you fellows want. You be.
/ long to me-
@Massa, / CANT. Ny vote belongs
to the democrats; but the patron
age belongs to Taft
was reinforced by bunch of other
insurgents. Then entered MARKS,
the Speaker" who first demanded
that the entire Uncle Tom crowd be
anrihilated, but later consented to
have them auctioned off.
The auctioneer described his wares
as: Murdoch, fine Kansas insur-
gent. sound in limb and especially
sound in wind; Hayes, red hot
insurgent until he heard they were
going to run a regular against him
in his district-although he wears
whiskers he does not deceive you:
a Nebraska man named Norris who
! says he's going to insurge till he gets
\ a better committee-very useful about
the Hous as megaphone: Gardner,
cautious insurgent, who never in
surges unless he thinks they're going
to win; Lenroot, thoroughly reliable
Wisconsin insurgent who has to in
surge for fear LaFollette will print
{. piece about him in his paper.
The bidding was not very active,
and Marks, the Speaker was just
about to gobble the entire lot for a
song when in rushed Secretary Car
penter," with proclamation from
the president granting the insurgents
emancipation and amnesty if they
would go back to the fold. All would
be forgiven and patronage restored.
"Hooray! Didn't tell you Missy
Eva | could see them pearly gates?''
shouted Uncle Tom in ecstacy. Cab
leau-Little Eva appears under the
spot light with large pie in her hand
labeled Patronage
Secretary Knox got his in a skit
depicting the new Shotgun policy
of the State Department. The pre-
mier of the Cabinet, in shirt sleeves
and carrying shotgun and baseball
bat, issued various orders through his
Under Secretary of State" wearing
knickebockers and monocle. his Sec
Rotary of Nearsighted Affairs ant
Secretary of Farsighted Affairs" HI
was particularly disturbed over a dis
patch from London stating that tn.
conservatives there were using a let
ter written by Ambassador Reid brae
ging about American prosperity as al
argument in favor of the protectiv,
tariff.
Take this letter to Reid" shoutet
the Secretary. "The protective polo,
is Pittsburg asset. If catch yo,
letting the English in on this sof
snap shall be compelled to recall
you.--P. G. Knox"
President zelaya' appeared, sayin
that as he was out of job he woul
seize the presidency of the Gridirol
club. He was proclaiming himself il
that capacity, in the presence of hi
army of three brilliantly uniforme
generals and one private, when SOM
one called his attention to the pres
ence Of Secretary Knox "Me 70
Mexicoi' he shouted, beating a uuicl