The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-07-15
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Student-Want my hair cut. Barber
ANY special way? Student-Yes; off.
Williams Purple Cow.
ida gets every prize in our bridge
club" "The best player, is she?"
mo, the worst adder" Life.
Mrs. Rangles-I am always out
spoken. Mr.. Rangles-And am gen.
orally outtalked.-Smart Set.
Diner-Is there any soup on the bill
of fare? Waiter-No, sir; there was,
but l wiped it off.-Harvard Lampoon.
what kind of man would you like
for husband?" "Oh, either bach
elor or a widower. I'm not particular
which"
Burr-What kind of a genius is
Nabbs! Does he work by fits and
starts? Kurr-No. He works by fits
and stops.
He-My income is five thousand dol
lars. She-How much more than that
do you think it will be safe for us to
spend?-Life.
Here's the doctor again, miss Don't
you think he comes more often than
he needs to-" ut all depends; he may
be very poor, Marie!"-Frou-Frou
"She wants to be a sister to me-"
"You can easily get her out of that no.
tion." "How?"' "Treat her as you
would sister. kansas City Journal.
I'm going to marry your sister,
Johnny, and take her far away. What
do you think of that?" 81 guess l can
stand 1t If you can."-London Tit-Bits.
Mistress (hiring servant)-I hope
you know your place? Scranton,
yes, mum! The last three girls you
had told me all about it-St. Louis
Star.
Blobbs-The suffragettes believe in
the equality of woman, don't they?
Slobbs-Not at all; they believe in the
superiority of woman.-Philadelphia
Record.
my daughter is a promising vocal
ist," said proud mother. well, get
her to promise she won't sing any
more" was the caustic suggestion of
her next door neighbor.
Miss Pasleigh-I have had my pic
ture taken once every year since was
ten. Miss Youngthing-Oh, do let me
see one of the old daguerrotypes.
They're so quaint-Roseleaf.
What size in boots do you take,
Murphy" asked a quartermaster.
"Twelves, sor," answered the private.
well, we've no twelves in stock"
Thin Oi'll take two pair o. skies, sor."
Mrs. Crawford-I don't see how you
could join such club when you don't
believe in the object of it. Mrs. Crab
shaw-You see, dear, it meets Mon
days, and that's the only day in the
week I had no place to go.--Brooklyn
Life.
"Mr. Crimes" said a minister to
one of his deacons, I'VE had better
make the collection before the sermon
this morning." Indeed" Eyes, I'm
going to preach on the subject of econ
omy."
"As for me-" remarked Muggsley, II
don't believe in the higher education
for girls. The one marry won't know
Latin or Greek" Il can readily believe
that" rejoined Miss Slasher. "A girl
who knows anything at all wouldn't
marry you."-B. C. Saturday Sunset.
Mistress l engaged you, Luz
cinda, you said you had no male
friends. Now, almost every time
come into the kitchen l find a man
there. Lucinda-Lor' sakes, maam,
he amt no male friend OBJ mine.
"Then who is he?" ma husband"
Casey's wife was at the hospital,
where she had undergone a very seri-
GUS operation few days before. Mrs.
Kelly called to inquire as to Mrs.
Casey's condition. "Is she restin'
quietly?" Mrs. Kelly asked. mo; but
I am" said Casey.-National Monthly.
Then you don't think l practice
what l preach, eh?" queried the min
lister in talking with one of the dea-
cons at a meeting. mo, sir, l DON'T"
replied the deacon. you've been
preachin' on the subject O. resignation
for two years an ye haven't resigned
yet"
II wonder" said the teacher, IF
you could tell me whether George
Washington was sailor or a soldier?'
The boy grinned HE was a soldier,
all right" he said. How do you
know?" the teacher challenged. BE
cause I saw picture of him crossing
the Delaware. ANY sailor would know
enough not to stand up in boat"