The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1910-03-31
A PIPE AND A WIFE.
BY Helen Rowland.

oSAt ~ Olly, putting uoW1A
her bundles and untying the ribbons
beneath her chin, you've been smok-
Ing that horrid-thing again."
do you refer to my pipe, madam"
I inquired affectionately, holding up a
beautifully colored meerschaum and
glancing at it with the pride of a con-
noisseur.
Polly merely shifted again.
IT don't suppose" she sighed. as she
sat down and commenced untying he
red string about an oblong package,
that even matrimony will cure you of
that dreadful habit"
"Matrimony," I rejoined. us a habit
itself. Besides" I added, ut is matri-
mony that drives a man to a pipe"
Polly dropped the string with which
she had been fumbling and looked at
me r enaesssnpgghInykslySsr a good w,re, con-
tinued imperturbably, makes impossi-
BILE the expense Of good cigars. Your
hats and. slippers have crowded out my
HavanaS."
There was no repentance OF pity IN
Polly's eye.
st should think" she remarked. that
you might do without smoking alto
gether."
why, yes,' 1 rejoined affably, II
could. For the matter Of that a man
might do without loving, or marrying,
or flirting, or kissing, or any Of the
most delightful things in life. Sweet
hearts and cigars are both of them
merely luxuries; and smoking and fall
ing in love are both of them time-wast.
Ing habits"
Polly bent once more over the oblong
package.
ut is ridiculous she said haughtily.
ito compare a sweetheart to a cigar"
Not at all" 1 insisted. THE likeness
is quite obvious. We have many OF
both of them. We love each n as
tenderly as the one preceding. The
more expensive we find either the more
goes up in smoke. Now a pipe is like
a wife,"
Polly dropped the oblong package and
looked at me scornfully.
"Why?" she demanded bitterly. BE
it gets old ~and-bitter? Because
1t is always to be found hanging about
the house when you happen to want
it? Because it Is SO prosaic n useful
and-economical2 Because"
Because I interrupted h~urr.edEy. "a
man grows to love his pipe better every
day. My dear little girl, don't YOU
know that the only sign by which yor
can tell when a man Is really settled
really through sowing his wild oats
is his devotion to his pipe?"
college boys and confirmed bachelor!
are devoted to pipes,' asserted Polly
defantly.
but not TO one pipe. L declared
"They keep dozens of them hanging or
their walls like their theories of low
and matrimony, but they don't reall!
believe in or love any one Of them. I
college boy prefers cigarets and firta
ions in his heart and a bachelor cling
to cigars and s~weethearts. 1t require
g. happily married man to get the rea
joy out Of a particular pipe or a par
ticular
Polly looked up and her Eyes were a
soft and blue as the chiffon beneath he
hat.
and 1 suppose" she added, 'tha
coloring a pipe Is Just like making low
to a woman and watching the beauti
flying effect upon her day by day"
YES" / agreed, you must do 1t del!
cately; Subtly and without haste. ]
the fire of your love or of your tobacc
becomes too intense-it is apt to score
and discolor the pipe-or the woman
Quiet, daily smoking, and quiet, dali
love-making will beautify meerschaul
and matrimony with equal certaint.
? Any man with the patience to colo
q pipe possesses the logged persevel
ance which wins the feminine heart"
i, Polly gazed at the oblong packag
, tied with the red string. doubtfully.
I'm sorry she said regretfully tia
- bought you-theSe.
Bought me-what?'
I We'll. YOU see, dear" said Polly,
observed that you hadn't been smokir
II any of that old brand of cigars tn;
you Used to owe for ever SO long ar
it hurt my conscience a little-and-ar
e SO I took the money you gave me fl
that chiffon hat and bought you a be
;, of Havanas. Now l suppose we mu
{. give them away she added sadly.
e, 1 dropped my pipe with a crash.
Polly, you're an angel"
"Oh!" cried Polly, you've broken
= you've broken IT."
m I glanced at the floor. There lay II
IN m-eerschaum a heap of shattered bowl
Never mind, little girl" i said SCOT
ingly, I'll get a new bowl"
par. 1yrh,, ,ot oef a new nine u inuuir,
LA NHy NV
Polly.
"Why not get a new wtfe?" I a
.sh swered scornfruy
"