The citizen-Republican. (Scotland, Bon Homme County, S.D.) 1???-19??, 1910-08-04
THE WAY OF THE LAW

/ the celebrated case of the state of Penn
syrucky VS.. BLK the Brute, removes all
objections to the Introduction and use OF
the Official yardstick in any and all cases,
as may be Sequired by statute.
Fettifogg: Tour nonof. I neither affirm
nor deny any of the positions assumed
by the county attorney, In his argument
OF this matter. l stand here on the rights
guaranteed to me and my client under the
constitution of the glorious state of Tex
arkhoma, and the siXty-second article OF
war. The audaCity of the county attorney
oVeroones me.
Court: Ge~ntlsnen, 1t does seem that
these matters might be settled among
yourselves. 1t Is not right to throw the
burden of deciding matters of such grave
Importance on the court. I never saw the
ike Of objections II demurrers in all my
life. l cannot agree with either Of you.
nor can 1 understand the grotesqns atti-
tnde that you and each of you have as
sl1med In the argument on this case, but,
If the decision is to be left to me-are you
ready for the question?
Cries of question, question.
Court: The court being fully ignorant
OF the law, and eogniZant of the power to
Cypress vested In the state, and of the
Jealous and ever watchful eye of our re-
pellant court over the rights of the guilty.
it IS Therefore ordered. adjudged and de-
creed by this court that John Doe be, and
he is hereby released and discharged from
the further c~ussedness Of this court; and
1t is further ordered, adjudged and de-
cFeed by this court, that the straw used
In the bond Of the defendant that was, be
removed from the presence of the court.
County Attorney: Your honor, the state
wishes to serve notice to all parties con-
cerned that it will appeal from the de-
oi5i1n and Judgment rendered BY your
honor In the case of the state Of Texarh-
home vs.. John Doe.
Court: Very we'll, Mr.. County Attorney,
II you wish to s%Quander the funds of this
commonwealth in the pursuit of such va
carries, you VIII be granted 40 years in
which to prepare and serve a copy Of the
record in this case, and the defendant Is
hereby granted the balance of his natural
hfe in which to suggest amendments The
witnesses in this case are discharged.
Those wishing to claim witness fees win
give their names and ali other personal
property to the clerk. Mr.. Sheriff, shoot
out the lights; court is concerned.
Clerk: Ladies and gentlemen: You and
each of you do solemnly affirm by the
beard of the prophet, that the miles trav-
eled by you, and the umbe Of months at
endance on the circus court as set forth
opposite your disreputable and notorious
names, Is true and correct, and that you
need the money, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
cents-each-please?
Witnesses: (Chorus) We need the
money.
(Curtain.)
SECOND SPASM.
(TWenty Years Later.)
Scene in the county executioner's court.
Cast: County eXecutioners, county at
torney, witnesses, etc, etc.
Chief Executioner: In the matter of
witness fees, in the case Of the state of
Texarkhoma VS.. John Doe: 1t is the
judgment of this court, hat the witnesses
in this case ought, as a matter Of right,
to be paid. (Shouts of great rejoicing
by witnesses; chorus, He's a jolly good
fellow.') It Is hereby ordered by this
court, that all of the said witnesses, as
shown by the certificate of the clerk of
the circus court, be
County Attorney: Most high and ignoble
chief executioner, pardon my interruption
at this time; but as the county attorney,
l wish to state that the case, under con-
sideration, has not as yet been decided by
the repellant court; and furthermore, I
wish to remind and call your honor's at
tention to the fact that our inferior courts
have uniformly held that in the absence
of a statute to the contrary, the county
will not be liable to pay witness fees in
John Doe" proceedings.
Chief Elk: Ladies and gentlemen, you
have heard the opinion of our Inferior
court. You are we'll aware that this court
must be guided and controlled by it's de-
crees. and therefore, and in accordance
Herewith, the witnesses in this case WILL
not
Pandemonium, rough house, red fire, cy-
clone, precipitous exit.
(Curtain.)