Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1910-11-05
w HOLE Nunprn, 2,O35
A THEORY OF TAILS.
Monkeys at the Zoo and tho Missin
Watch

Monkeys at the Zoo and the Missing
Watch.
"HE ZOO was suffoCating In the rays
of the afternoon sun. | paused
for moment to watch a monkey
with n pathetic face absentmindedly,
almost sadly, clutch the tail of n sleep
ing relative above. The sleeping rcla
tive awoke on the floor very talkativc
and thrilled, but the originator of the
pleasantly was out Of reach and with
the face Of one on the verge of tears.
"Wot pity they ave tails" said a
voice beside me. He was a little
straw hat and faded frock coat
paid no attention.
He looked about him rapidly, then
came closer and in a hoarse whisper
said:
II say. guv'nor, dyou know wot 1
calls it7 Why, it's tragedy"
"Ah," returned vaguely.
"Yus, tragedy, becorse why? We
ave no tails nor our parents neither.
Amt that so7'
I endeavored to convey that l was
prepared to swear that my father,
once a X. c., had never within my
knowledge mentioned the fact in my
hearing.
He assumed the attitude Of n modest
man caught In the right. There y
are" he said.
There was pause. A series Of
shrill screams in distant part Of the
room suggested another stroke Of hui
NOR on even more ambitious lines.
The little scrubby man smiled know
ingly.
There y are again-tryin' to sit on
their tails and 'ide their feelins."
was little perple1ed.
Talk Of the fall" he snorted, with
considerable scorn. "When we loFst
our tails we became deceitful. And
why7 Because we 'ad nothin' to give
us away. They know 1t; look at 'em.
They'd give anything to get rid Of 'em.
It's like carryin' truth gauge on your
waistkit."
He came closer and stared triumph
antly up into my face. He was in a
glow with eloquence He tapped me
playfully on the chest.
Imagine it-your thoughts, 'opes,
most sacred feelin's at the mercy Of a
cruel gloatin' world Just becorse you
ave a tail For instance, you're pro-
posin' to the parents Of your young
lady. Why. your tail would be be-
tween your legs trying to get out O.
,tok A,,p ,hot ttn OF hpt
tails? Curlin' like oops. They'd know
you 'aven't brass farthin' at once"
"You have no reason to SUPPOSE
began hotly
mo arm meant, mister" he inter
posed soothingly. Then think of
'avin' to attend funerals and sich-like.
No matter 'ow gloomy your counte-
nance, wot IL your tail was waggin'
like a riprap through pure light cart
edness"
admitted the prospect was worthy
Of thought.
"Or in business, 'ow could you name
a price with any confidence If your
tail was on the floor and 'ad all the
air Of a wrong un?"
The sun had sunk Mt last. Shadows
crept over the room. In the corner op-
posite si'cnt baboon stood statu-
esque against the evening sky.
"Of co'rse Pm not denyin' there
would be advantages. I'm no dorg in
the manger Pm willin' to come out
and share and share alike, be 1t argy-
ment or anything. You'll be sayin'
wot satisfaction to the orator to ear
the thump Of approvin' tails or the
actor in the scene where the 'eroine
carsts her 'elpless babe into the racin'
mill stream. Why. 1t would be easy to
jump in after glance at the droopin'
tails In the stalls"
nodded thoughtfully.
II must be goin' 'ome now,' he re-
marked after a pause. II knew by the
looks of you I'd got to deal with
shrewd un, man of the world, clear
'eaded, farseein' gentleman"
For q moment wished that he had
worn a tail that might have betrayed
something Of his purpose. which SEEM
ed to me rather obscure. Then l drop
ped him out Of my mind and began to
wonder how late it was. But my
watch had gone.-Punch.