davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
AWFUL BURNING ITCH CURED
IN A DAY

"In the middle of the night of March
30th | woke up with burning itch in
my two hands and felt as if l could
pull them apart. In the morning the
itching had gone to my chest and dur
ing that day it spread all over my
body. I was red and raw from the top
of my head to the soles of my feet and
was in continual agony from the
itching. l could neither lie down nor
sit up. I happened to see about Cuti-
cura Remedies and I thought l would
give them a trial. l took good bath
with the Cuticura Soap and used the
Cuticura Ointment. I put 1t on from
my head down to my feet and then
went to bed. On the first of April
felt like a new man. The itching was
almost gone. l continued with the
Cuticura Soap and Cuitcura Ointment
and during that day the itching COM
pletely left me. Frank Gridley, 325
East 43rd Street, New York City. Apr.
81, 1909" Cuticura Remedies are sold
throughout the world; Potter Drug &
Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston, Mass.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
An Improvement.

How did you enjoy your vaca-
tion?"
Fine, 1t made a new man of mel"
81 congratulate your wife"
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
A Reprimand.

Mrs. Brown was on her way to
prayer meeting, and as she passed the
Jones home she saw Bobby sitting on
the porch.
Aren't you afraid out here alone,
Bobby?"
I'm not alone" was Bobby's an
swer.
who is with you?" asked Mrs.
Brown.
Now, Mrs Brown" said Bobby i'm
pressively, IF you was a good woman,
you would know who was with me-"
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
Gentlemen Two.

Two street cleaning department
men were having an alteration as
they were driving their cars side by
side along upper Broadway the other
afternoon. One was red-faced anc
bulbous-nosed, the typical "rummy.
The other was an adder-headed negro
Both looked utterly disreputable.
"Get out O. my way!" yelled the red
faced man. Don't cher know enough
to get outer der way when you see a
gentleman"
I'm more of a gem'man than you
you big rum" retorted the negro
"Youall drives a garbage cart, an
only picks up ashes. New York
Press.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
Always Staunch
And True

The Denver Republican has al
ways avoided the fallacies and
knaveries of yellow journalism,
and its steadily increasing Circula-
ton proves conclusively that its
policy of telling the plain Truth
without exaggeration or misrepre-
sentation, standing fast for the
Right, is heartily approved with
growing force by the intelligent
Public to which it appeals.
To read it is a liberal Education.
and the citizen who goes without
it does a positive harm to himself,
to his family, and to the commu-
nifty.
In no other way can the invest
ment OF ~ cents per day
for that is all The Republican
costs any subscriber-bring such
rich results in that knowledge
which is both Power and Pleasure.
Information, instruction and en-
tertainment fill its columns and it
leaves a good taste in the mouth
of the reader.
1t stands for Law and Order in
the State-for Peace, Prosperity
and Happiness in the Home.
~If you are not already enrolled
among its splendid list of Patrons
send on your subscription and give
it fair trial at rs cents per month
for Daily and Sunday.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
Bonaparte's Resolve.

Napoleon entered the clubhouse
with a frown a foot deep on his fore
head, and a temper not fit for publica-
tion.
Mile tonnerres!" he calculated. III
I ever play golf with Baron Munchau-
sen again may end my days on the
island of st. Helena"
whats the matter with Munich,
Bony?" asked Caesar, looking up from
his asbestos copy of the Congressional
Record.
"You get nothing but bad lies all
over the links" retorted the emperor.
-Lippincott's.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07

not sleep. 1t kept
growing larger and
by fall it was as
large as a hens egg.
1 could not go to
bed without a hot
water bottle applied
to that side. / had
one of the best doc
tors in Kansas and
he told my husband
that L would have to
be operated on as it
was something like
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07

Always keep imagination under con-
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
A Statesman.

The Chinese wall was finished.
81 do all my fence mending at one
lick, announced the emperor.
Thus he proved himself statesman
instead of a politician.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
A Witty Rishop.

"The late Bishop F'oss," said Phil
adelphia physician, "once visited me
for some trifling ailment.
"'Do you, sir l said to him, in the
course of my examination, talk in
your sleep?'
mo, SIR he answered. L talk in
other peoples. Aren't you aware that
I am a divine?'"
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
His Last.

Poets Wife-My husband read this
poem at public celebration before
thousands of people. Alas! it was the
last poem he ever wrote.
Publisher see. Did they lynch him
or shoot him ?-Leslie's Weekly.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07

ADVISED
OPERATION
CuredbyLydiaE. .Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Galena, Kans. "A year ago last
March 1 fell, and few days after
there was soreness in my right side.
In short time bunch came and it
bothered me so much at night / could
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
His Finish.

"He struck fast gait when he first
went into politics."
And now?"
Now he is on the fence"
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07

Constipation causes many serious diseases ~
IL thorouQhiy cured by Doctor Perce's Pleasant
Pellets one laxative, three for cathartlc.
The Colorado statesman., 1910-05-07
Skepticism.

"Pa, what is a skeptic?"
"a man who will not eat chicken
salad because he believes it is sinful
to butcher calves"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
THE EVENING NEWSPAPER.

Printers Ink, publication which
has come to be considered as an au-
thority on things pertaining to the
newspaper and printing world, pre-
sents some irrefutable arguments in
recent issue in support of the rea-
sonable contention that the evening
newspaper is the more valuable one in
the dissemination of the news of the
day while it is news; that people have
the more leisure to read it and there
fore it is the best possible medium for
advertisers. In the course of an aIti-
Gle on the relative values of the morh-
ing and afternoon newspapers. Print
er's Ink says:
1.-THE day is ended. Fortunes have
been won and lost Statesmen and
soldiers, writer's, Adventures have
done the deeds of the day; and night
has fallen. The news has been gath
cred by a marvellous system from all
continents 1t has been sifted, ar
ranged, Illustrated, commented upon,
printed and published and is served
hot from the press. still palpitating,
events recorded. interesting and star
ting with the freshness and excite
ment of the present. Readers over
their soup learn what had happened
in the wide world while they have
beeu busy, each IN MS little round OF
d6ties toiling in his shop, arguing his
case in court, earning his daily bread
They sit at ease and read at leisure.
The evening is ahead of them and a
needed rest after the fatigues of the
daylight hours will cap it all.
Fourteen hours later, while he
bolts his breakfast with one eye on
the clock and a brain already busy
with cares of the day, the morning
paper is handed the citizen. If he
has time to read the headlines he is
doing we'll In the night he has leisure
to think of the affairs of the human
race; in the morning he must think
only OF his private affairs"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13

are believed to have been guilty of
belonging to fraternities. But why
should the school authorities and the
members of the board of education
display so much secretiveness in the
handling of these cases? What's the
necessity for star chamber meetings
of the board of education or its COM
mittees? Why isn't everything done
in the open in this matter? 1t is pub
lie business transacted by public Of
fcials and the public is entitled to
know of every move that is made in
with il.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.

IFron the Philadelphia Record.1
1t doesn't take a great discoverer to
find fault.
Most of US would rather be looked
over than be overlooked.
The fellow who is prepared for an
emergency is usually the last TO meet
il.
Opportunity knocks at a mans door
about once for every thousand other
knockers.
No, Maude. dear. when there is a
fire and the flames are arrested the
police don't do it.
Men sometimes admire each other,
but a woman's admiration for another
woman is limited to her clothes.
Blobbs-"Old Skinner is dead There
was a man who never wasted any
time" Slobbs-"No. but he probably
has time to burn now"
De Lancey Streat-"Who is the wo-
man in the very decollete gown? Ritz
tenhouse SQueer-'"That's Mrs. Bigv al.
At last she is in the SWIM De Lancey
Streat-"I suppose that's why she wears
SO few clothes
YES" said the respondent man.
was a seventh son. '.And didn't it
bring you iuck?" asked the supersti-
tlous one "Well. if being obliged to
wear the castoff clothes of six older
brothers is luck it did" replied the de-
SpOndent man.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe. ]


An Atchison man is known as
"Slick," he is so greasy.
Women's schemes, like women's
jokes, seldom amount to much.
We never get much excited about a
Boy Wonder; he usually outgrows it.
1t frequently happens that the clever
story teller wastes a lot of time.
1t may DE said of the under dog,
however, that he sometimes starts the
fight.
Another story we have little con-
fidence in: That woman passed for
man 35 years.
You may need a lawyer occasional
~, but a more general need is to keep
away from them.
We are optlrnist enough not to in
suit pleasant day by calling it a
weather breeder"
AS much as the children like Moth
er, they never approve of her great
patience with Father.
Since Adam started it, the fashion
of blaming ones mistakes on others
has hung on pretty WELL
What has become of the old fash
toned man who tried to make shawl
do the work OF an oyercoat?
There's one thing a married man
might as We'll learn early in life: he
can't fly around with other women.
If Uncle Sam ever gets into a war
with Japan, no band can play RED,
White and Blue" with sufficient pathos
to make us feel like enlisting.
We have many foolish ways, but
we have never been indignant because
of the heartless manner in which the
government treats the Indians.
The trouble with the girl who pow
ders is that she soon forgets she is
engaged in a retail business, and
branches out into the wholesale.
Considering that they are wiping on
new towels, wearing new shoes, and
cooking in new frying pans, young
married couples get along pretty well.
We seldom take much stock in a
story to the effect that the case was
such a pitiful one that the judge wept
when he sentenced the culprit to the
penitentiary.
So much attention is paid the COL
lege yell as to create the impression
that students are being trained to earn
a living after graduation by calling
the cattle home.
So far as we have been able to find
out, the only advantage in wearing
false puffs and braids is that woman
can wash her hair these days without
getting her head wet.
Did any man, when the barber holds
a mirror to the back of his head and
asks If the hair cut is o. X, ever
have nerve to say it wasn't? And
could the barber help matters If he
did?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13

but you see my affairs are in some-
thing of q muddle."
Il see.' Her voice cut "You
could marry me only when could
take care of you2"
might have made thirgs CO.,
II understand" Her eyes went be-
yond him co where the little count
was ascending the steps.
She stood ND and hailed him. Gag
eriy. IT wanted-to tell you,'' she
said, somewhat breathlessly when he
reached her. "that--that lam 60
ing away
- He looked from her flushed face
70 Harold's gloomy one. ''Why?"
II have lost my money! She
found the fiction little difficult as
ms clear eyes met her. "Some in
Vestments have failed"
!. sudden radiance illuminated him.
An, what difference does 1t make %
ne asked. 81 have enough for you
and for me-
Harold interrupted with a short
ia1 Tha I'D, I'D better ge. OUT he said.
squarely. What else could 1 do % he
demanded, lat such a moment. but Of
fer the love of my heart? NV life is
hers to do with as she WILL
And then. suddenly, Irene broke
down and wept. ''Oh. OH haven't
been telling The truth 1t was a test
Through her tears she saw the little
count stiffen and grow tense
"A test of me-of my love ?"
"Of your love-and of his" Her
scornful finger went to Harold.
The count seemed to read the truth
in the abjectness of that humbled fig-
ure.
He failed?" He flashed.
HE offered me nothing today. ex-
cept his sympathy Irene said.
Yesterday ne offered me marriage"
But Harold began.
But now it was the count who in
terrupted. 60" he said, "and leave
us together. She is mine and / am
hers. And you-you are a little man
You would still be a little man if
you weighed a ton.''
For a moment Harold clustered,
then before the dignity of that COM
manding gaze. he SUNK away and the
little count turned to the woman he
loved.
Let's forget it all now. dearest"
he said. gently, as she faltered her ex-
euses. '.It is of you and of our love
that must talk, and of our life to-
gether In my honeymoon castle in my
own beloved forest."-( Copyrighted
1910 by Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
Andrew Jol,nson's Education.

In HarDer's for January are pub
lished some personal recollections of
Andrew johnson. which give a new
and most interesting account of this
uniquely remarkable man who rose in
a few years from Il tailor's bench to
the presidency. His pride in having
been q tailor and his free admission
of Hliteracy are particularly interest
ing.
.'About year before the Civil war
Judge Pepper. who had been a black
smith before he became a lawyer, sent
johnson a set of fre-irons. which he
had made himself" says the writer of
the recolIections, land the governor
presently sent the judge a coat which
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
KANSAS COMMENT
NEWSPAPER MIRACLES.

A young reporter once had to hand
in his copy to a particular city editor.
In describing an accident he employed
the words miraculous escape He
received a note from the editor which
read: Don't use the word miracu-
lous; there are no miracles in this
day" However, If you read the big
city papers you will think they are
just beginning. Here IS a story that
recently attracted our attention: "A
certain brewing company in Strous-
burg, Pa, started to erect new
building. oh, God,' prayed a. young
minister over at the Methodist Episco-
pal churchs as the walls of the brew
cry rose higher and higher. we ask
that thy vengeance be visited upon
this building which inyades our midst
Smite it with the arm of Thy displeas-
ure. remove it absolutely from our
sight. Just then a flash of lightning
flashed from the Skies and when the
they found the brewery irretrievably
ruined" OF course, a brewery might
be struck by lightning as we'll as any
other building, but did you ever know
of lightning wrecking large build
ing -? The man who had the audacity
to send out such q tale capped the
climax when. he added to his profits
by sending out a dispatch the next day
that the brewery company was con-
templating suit for damages against
the minister for his invoking the aid
of heaven. There are some people
who believe this story.
Here is another one that ought to
appeal to those who will have moth
ing but eold fashioned religion" A
popular farmer in Dakota was on the
had prayed and prayed without re-
lief When he could stand it no
no longer, he stood out in the middle
of his blasted wheat field, and cursed
God. Then. suddenly, there came a
bolt of lightning, and the man dropped
dead. They still tell. out in Fargo,
that for over an hour there was
zone of electrical peril around the
stricken body through which no llv-I
ing body might pass unscathed.
Here is still another some religious
ly inclined reporter has sent out: A
switch engine was tearing down a
track in the Louisville yards. All at
once the engineer stopped short. II
don't know what it is. but something
has made me STOP he said. The fire
a switchman, with his foot in a frog,
praying. The pilot struck him, passed
entnely over him, and just as the front
wheeI>was about to crush out his life
something told the engineer to stop"
Tom, so the reporter said. had re-
membered only, Lay me down to
Sleep which his mother taught him,
but that was enough to stop the en-
CINE. If he had remembered the whole
prayer. instead Of common old
switch engine, a private car would
probably have stopped within an inch
of his head. and the general man
ager, upon alighting and learning the
facts. would have made him his as
sistant.
Bob Ingersoll used to stand on the
platform and remark, "If there is a
God, let him strike me dead" Yet
he died q natural death. However. if
he had been less prominent. the press
agents would have had him struck
dead.-Atchison Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
LAYHAWKER JOTy

If conditioning counts for anything,
there promises to be a great rush of
kansans to the North Pole In the early
spring. thinks the Hutchinson News.
The Winfield Courier gets some idea
of the immensely of London from the
in it, To this the Wichita Beacon
adds: THAT would suit Phil Campbell
all right. all right"
Some advice from the Powhattan Bee
that Is good for the subscribers of ev-
cry newspaper in the state: do not
send or bring items to the Bee about
others that you wouldn't I1ike to see
in print about yourself"
Recently the society editor of the
Lawrence Journal referred to a young
man and Ibis ladye faire," and the
Enporia Gazette calls attention to the
fact that 1.-The law books seem to de-
scribe no punishment for that sort of
thing
Mr.. Staring, the Santa Fe trail cleo
tric railway magnate of Kansas City
and Johnson county. is interested in
aerial navigation. according to the
Garden City Telegram which remarks:
Bearing in mind Honorable Call of
Gfrard, however, patrons of the line
hope he will confine his construction
work to TROLLEY lines
Some Hutchinson women are raying,
says the Gazette, over the discovery
that another Hutchinson woman let's
her 6-months-old baby sleep out doors
every night. Its cruelty" they are
crying. 'I don't see how it can stand
it these cold nights" The fact that
the baby has redder cheeks and bright
er eyes than the ordinary babe. and
even more than the women who do the
wondering. is sufficient evidence that it
not only stands the open air treatment
but thrives upon it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13

he had made for him. When he told
my mother of the incident, she said:
GOVERNOR
- I put some stitches in it, he said:
Pepper shouldn't get ahead of me
with the people. When I was tailor
was good one.'
HE refused an invitation once to
dine with A v. Brown. a leader of
the Democratic party in Tennessee
and afterward Buchanan'S postmaster
general, although all OF the guests
were to be fellow Democrats, and let
them know that on that day he had
dined with his washerwomari. Off
bacon and cabbage
He made no secret of, his inlet
tered youth, and once brought my
mother a magazine containing
sketch of his life. In which 1t was
stated that his wife, Flora McCardle,
had taught him to read after. they
were married. when he was twenty
ment was inaccurate but substantially
trues that when they were married his
wife brought her school books to their
new home. and his study of them aid
ed his education materially. After he
rose to prominence his admirers used
TO point out that he made few mis-
takes IN grammar and that his Eng
lish was pure. but he never learned to
divide his words correctly in writing,
and sometimes made ludicrous mis-
takes in quotations. Once in a public
speech he spoke of the Lays Of An
Gent Rome as having been translated
IN Macaulay; and in another speech
he quoted:
land the stern Joy that warriors
In foemen worthy of their steel,
as Shakespeare says!'"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
JOURNAL ENTRIES

There's nothing strange about the
Willingness of, some men to pay
alimony.
What has become of the old fash
Toned oil can that always wore a po-
tato on its spout?
y a.
It's noticeable fact that very few
of the songs without words have been
written by women.
y X
The more ridiculous looking many
women can tx their hair these days
the better they seemed pleased.
X y
Some people are like birds. They
are not contented unless they move
into different house at least once a
year. L
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-13
TAFrs PLANS ACCEPTABLE.

| indications are that the sugges-
tions made by President Taft for the
amendment of the interstate COM
merce law. which will give the COM
| mission entrusted with the adminis-
tration of that statute some real
power in the regulation of the large
railroad systems of the country, will
be enacted into law by congress with
out much opposition, even from the
outside. They are more radical in
their details than any similar sugges-
tions which have. been made to con-
gress by any president. and if many
of them had been made by Colonel
Roosevelt there would have been
frothings at the mouth from the rail-
roads and the financial interests OF
the nation which would have echoed
to Mars.
Even the big financial and CONNER
cial reviews of the country, which are
closely associated with the railroad
interests and the banking world that
provides the capital for railroad en-
terprises, do not view the Taft sug-
gestions with anything like alarm.
This probably tokens change OF SEN
timent in those quarters, a recogni-
ton of the fact that the people OF
the country have demanded an eff
cient regulation of the railroads and
that this demand must be met There
is also, doubtless the feeling that Mr..
Taft and his advisers are the better
equipped to bring about these meas
ures of reform in an orderly manner
with legislation that will cure the evils
aimed at without the possibility of do
ing irreparable damage to the vested
rights of the aggregations of capital
involved.
There seems to be a similar feeling
in congress Senator Stephen b Ell
kins of West Virginia, chairman OF
the senate committee on interstate
commerce. has announced that he will
support the Taft program for the
regulation of the railroads. Not only
that but he intends to present the
bill covering the Taft suggestions.
which was prepared by Attorney
General Wickersham, and press it
to passage. And he does not
believe that any material changes in
it are necessary or will be made This
is assuredly q change of front. In the
dispatch from Washington telling of
this stand on the part of Mr.. Elkins
it is stated that he is known for "his
conservatism in the matter Of railway
legislation" This is a conservative
statement of attitude that Senator
Elkins has assumed in the past on
these matters. He has been looked
on as one of those senators who evil
IDENTIFY believed that real regulation of
the activities of railroad corporations
was not a governmental function. He
has favored the regulation" with
which the interstate commerce COM
mission has already been vested, but
that has proved itself to bes.little or
no regulation at all as far as the ac-
comprising of results has beer con-
cerned.
With such men as Senator Elkins
lining up for the suggestions of Presi-
dent Taft, it is easy to figure it out
that they are going to be ineorpor-
ated into law. And perhaps by the
time the present session Of congress is
concluded the critics of the Taft
methods will have reason to wish
that they had not been so hasty in
forming their judgments.