The Holbrook news., 1910-08-05
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you nave, sir! Top lSarcdStlcaltyJ- haven't the faintest idea.
 Did you get in without your wife hearing you last nlght% ''No. and I didn't get in without hearing her, either. er."-Houston Post.
 "Who is the gentleman seated in the large touring car?' That is the poet laureate of a well known biscuit factory. y."-Birmingh Age-Herald.
 Do you think there is really any such thing as platonic love?" "Yes. It exists between most husbands and their wives. Chicago Record-Herald.
 Papa, what is faith?" Well, my boy, they say your baby brother sleeps, but I've never seen him do it. Yet, if I believe he does, that's faith."-Life.
 She Gas they dance )-Pm afraid I'm tiring you rather He-Oh, not at all. I used to be attendant in the elephant house at the -Meggendorfer Blat- ! ter.
 Knicker-Jones is all the time want ing more money. Bocker-No won der; his father was a college president and his mother was a woman.-New York Sun.
 Do you really believe this aviator will come back to the starting point?" He won't dare do otherwise. His wife is waiting for him there. File gende Blaetter
 Vicar-And what induced you to send for me, Mir. Russett? Russett- Whats e say, Betty? Betty-'E says: What the deuce did you send 'lm for?"-M A. P.
 Why don't you teach your son les son by making him live without his allowance for a while?" "GoodnessI I can't even make him live within iti" Cleveland Leader.
 Lady-My cooking always tastes so good to you, and it never suits my hus- band at all Beggar-Well, why don't you get divorce and marry me?- Meggendorfer Blaetter.
 "I am a plain-spoken man." said the applicant for a job. Pm afraid you won't do," replied the railroad official We are advertising for an experienced train announcer r."-Philadelphia Rec ord.
 Father" said little Rollo, what is an epigram?" An epigram, my son, as modernly propounded. is any sen tence containing less than two con- functions and three commas. ."-Wash- ington Star.
 Does she seem to take kindly to so- ciety ways, now that her husband has made such a pile?" "Oh, yes. indeed. She was the loudest talker at grand opera the other night Plain Dealer.
 ''John," queried her husbands wife, eff some bold. bad man were to kid nap me would you offer a reward?" Sure thing. replied the wifes hus band. "I always reward those who do me a fayor."-Boston Courier
 Inquisitive Lady-And what is this little box fore Nerve-Racked Clerk Oh, for odds and ends! Inquisitive La dy-But it has two compartments. Why is that? Nerve-Racked Clerk-One for odds, madam, and the other for ends. Harvard Lampcon-
 Would it be any harm to deceive her about my age?" inquired the elder ly millionaire. Probably not" I'm sixty How would it do to confess to fifty?" 'I think your chances would be better with her if you claimed sew enty-five" Kansas City Journal
 How nicely you have ironed these things, Jane," said the mistress. ad- miringly. to her maid. Then. glancing at the glossy linen, she continued Tn tone of surprise: "Oh, but I see they are all your own, Yes. replied Jane. and I'd do all yours just like that if I had time"-Central Christian Advocate.
 My brother, my poor brother!" she moaned, as a halfback was carried un- conscious from the field. Ah. but how thankful we should be-" her escort. an old player, cried gayly. Thankful Thankful for what?" exclaimed the girl. Thankful that 1t wasn't a full back" said he We haven't decent fullback sub. you w"-Minneapoiis Journal.
 Friend-So yours was case of love at first sight? Mrs. Getthere-Yes. fn- deed. I fell desperately in love with nay dear husband the moment l set eyes upon him. I remember it as dis tinctly as if it were yesterday. l was walking with papa on the beach at Long Branch. when suddenly papa stopped, and, point'ag him out, said: There, my dear. is man worth ten millions New York Weekly.
 Jane" said a lady rather sharply to her cook, "I must insist that you keep better hours and that you have less company in the kitchen at night Last night you kept me from sleeping because of the uproarious laughter of one of your woman friends" Wis. mum, know" was the apologetie re- ply; but she couldn't help it. l was a-tellin' of her how you tried to make cake one day"-Ladies' Home Jour nal.
 Trapped.
 The perpetually clever man listened to the tramp's hard-luck