The Paonia newspaper., 1910-07-08
Head Of the Family Arises and De-
eiares HImself-Morai Contained
In This Story Not Hard
to Perceive.

with as much eQuanimity as he could
muster. But when Mrs. Clabber be-
gan to snin and oniff and sniff Just be-
cause he was smoking his old brier
lpipe-then indeed Mr., Clabber stood
up for his rights as a sovereign man.
Mrs. Clabber." said he. arising and
speaking with much dignity. ever
since ! came home this evening from
. hard days work in the marts Of
trade you have sought every reason
able and unreasonable opportunity to
aggravate. irritate and otherwise an
noy me. You have frowned and
scowled and your conversation has
been confined to monosyilsbies. You
have burned the steak and you have
undercooked the potatoes. Knowing
that ] like my rice pudding soft. you
have let II cook hard. You have mis-
laid my clippers and have lost the
evening paper. Knowing that ] like
to play with the canary. you have put
him to bed
Nor. madam. In this all. You have
grumbled and you have growied. I
repeat II. madam: you have growied.
You left your sewing in my easy
chair. You opened a window 30 that
the draft nearly blew my head on.
You are wearing that old Persian
wrapper. which you know ! dislike.
and you have referred to my family
four times-each time in disrespectfui
terms. You have snifYed when I have
gently demonstrated with you or
worse yet-you have either remained
fruCnlapf1v haa&AA
door. Not only have you banged
doors. but you have banged plates.
knives forks. spoons, cups. saucers.
windows and overdoors. And now.
Mrs. Clabber. when I light my pipe
you begin to sniff in such n manner
that I can stand II no longer. What.
madam-what Is the reason OF all
this7 Oh, You are out OF sorts. arc
you?
Il see! Out of sorts! Permit me to
suggest, Mrs. Clabber, the strong ad-
Visibility Of laying in an early supply
OF sorts Your present paucity Of
sorts IL wearying and distressing to
. degree. II threatens the happiness
Tho life happiness. Mrs. Clabber-
ef two human beings. do not know
WnSr0 bOft5 arc 70 DC nno. Out let me
suggest that you apply there. wherever
II 10. a. soon ~ possible for . gen.
erous stock. Sorts are evidently nee
essary to your wellbeing and happi.
ness and think II would be advisable
for you to lay In enough sorts to last
you over an emergency. You. being
out Of sorts. have used all mine and
ind out that am out OF sorts my
self. That is why I am putting on my
hat, Mrs. Clabber. That IL why I am
putting on my coat and taking my
pipe with me. I am going out to see
II can accumulate q few choice sorts
and bring them back with me. Per-
haps when I return you will have
found few available sorts and
What? You think you have scraped
a few together now?
We'll. welli This is encouraging
news, Mrs. Clabber. see. too. that
yon have recovered that pleasing
smile which was ever your dearest
charm. And SO, madam, ! will take
OF my hat. You may hang 1t on the
rack. And here Is my coat. think
that now you can even find my slip
pers. And my tobacco Jar, Bless her
heart! And now know she is going
to sit on the arm of my old armchair
and light my old brier piHe. All. yes!
1t is very evident that we have all
sorts Of the very finest sorts back in
stock again. Mrs. c. Out of sorts. in
deed!"