The Holbrook news., 1910-01-21

| to. Coward-Same husband ?-Lifs.
 'Is that your mother-in-law over there. smiling at you?" No. If she's smiling at me it isn't my mother-in- i law"
 She-Of course, I'm not as old as you think I am. He-I hope not-I mean you can't be-that is-how old are you?
 Hes got no license to talk the way he does" "Oh. he's got license all right What he lacks is a muzzle."- Cleveland Leader
 An optimist is one of them chaps. guess" says Uncle Sim, who don't care a hang what happens so longs it don't happen ter him"
 Laffan-You are rich enough to buy an automobile. Why don't you do it2 Grofat-Because I'm not righ enough 70 own one.-Chicago Tribune.
 That fellow seems to be extrava- gant." 'Hopelessly. He spends his own money just as If it were the gov ernment's. Louisville Courier-Jonr- nal.
 I'm going to marry Dick" Why. you told me you weren't in love with him." I'm not. but I've just heard that a girl I hate isi"-Cleveland Leader.
 What do you think. my dear? Such luck! We leave for Paris in an hour" ''Really?" 'Yes, we're going to Pas teur's. My husband has just been bit ten by mad dog."-Bon vlvant
 Why are children so much worse than they used to be II attribute 1t to improved ideas in building" How so?" Shingles are scarce, and you can't spank boy with tin roof"
 And did you really go to Rome?" asked the guest. "I really don't know, my dear," replied the hostess, just returned from her first trip abroad. You see. my husband always bought the tickets
 MT. Highbrow-It was Michelet, I believe, who observed that woman is the salt of a mans life" Miss Keen Quite true! Young men aren't half so fresh after they get naturalization Transcript.
 Hello. mate, low is it you ain't workin'?"
 Well, it's like this: I works in domino factory, and I puts on, the spots,5 and they're making double blanks today"
 Weary Billiam-What did ye tell dat lady when she asked ye if ye wuz equal to de task O sawin' wood? Tat tered Tom-I tol' her dat equal wuzn,t de word. I wuz superior to it.-Chi- cago Daily News.
 My steady looks exactly like Apol- lol" sighed the sentimental one. That ain't narthen'," sniffed the lass of the glove counter. My beau is the original for the Peerless Perfection Dress Shirt ads."-Puck.
 "Why did that picture cost so much?" Well" answered MT. Cum FOX. ito tell you the truth. have an idea it's because the dealer who sold it to me is a good business man. Washington Evening Star.
 Clear out O here, ye sassy little bratl" shouted the cook. humping the table with a rolling-pin. The little girl gave the cook a naughty look. 'I never allow anyone but my mother to speak to me like that!" she said.,s~
 Judge (sternly)-Th times in a month! What do you make of this. sir? Rastus (apologetically) )-'Deed I doan' make muffin. You fellows up here seem to be de only ones dat get any 'cuniary profit out of hauling me up.-Puck.
 Her-Great heavens! My worst fears are realized. Him-What on earth's the matter? Her-Ive got a telegram Him-Yes-yes! What does 1t say? Her-I don't know. I haven't dared to open it yet.-Cleve- land Leader.
 scientists have decided that Me thuselah was only seventy-nine years old" That is more like it. It is absurd to suppose that any man could have lived to the age of 969 years" "Oh, I don't know-there were no au- tomobiles in those days.-Houston Post.
 "Jim," said an honest coal dealer to one of his drivers; Jim, make that ton of coal two hundred pounds short. It is for a poor. delicate widow, and she will have to carry all of 1t up two flight of stairs. I don't want her to overtax her strength. ."-Philadel- phia Kronikle-Herald.
 Pompano-Why do you work so hard, Bagley? You slave from morn ing until night.
 Bagley-I know do. I wish to get rich. I want to die worth million.
 Pompano-Well. there's no account Ing for tastes. Now. I would much prefer to live worth half million Philadelphia Call.