The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1910-06-12
hit HOLE IN THE CALENDAR
Robert J. Burdette Lo Times

tAat al evening time, when the stenog-
Tapher and moving picture man were
an ready, he would sit down and medi-
tate. And # he remembered that he
had neglected to haIIow the dying dav
by throwing some Christian martvr to
the tigers. or had neglected to give
some Christian maiden to the fierce
lusts of the gIadiators. as was the
fashion Of the good old Roman emper
ofs, he would sigh deeply into the talk
nc machine, knowing what posterity
expected Of him, and say, in clear. dis
tInct tones which reached to the far
thest seat in the upper gallery.
"PerdId diem. -
Which was the nearest he could come
, to pronouncing u have lost a dav."
Very clever of the old Roman. who
was born actor, with bear trap
mortgage on the center of the stage
and trust-clutcb on the Imelight.
| He priced himself on his breadth of
mind and his religious liberality and
| like all professed latitudenarians he
was the narrowest minded bigot that
ever danced on a razor blade Who.
! ever agreed with him he celebrated. -
Whoever didn't he inundated, in va
rlous prolonged and painful ways.
| thought Of the blessed, or other
wise, as the case may be. old Roman
this morning when | got up and real
| lied that | also had lost something i'm
perial.
At first I thought it was only nv
spectacles. Losing my spectaces is a
feature of my diurnal mathis 1t is
also part of the service at high noon,
and is blended with the hymn at the
hour of the evening sacrifice. I also
hunt for them between times Not all
the time, You understand, but only
when I want to read. But I found
my spectacles with unwonted ease For
| had fallen asleep while reading in
bed and had worn my glasses all night,
seeing wonderful things thereby. in my
dreams. And it WASH t until [ sat
down TO enter yesterdays run in nv
diary that l discovered the full extent
of my irreparable loss.
Ich auch. had perdidied a diem. And
mighty glad was I that it wasn't a
quarter. The English pronunciation
of Latin goes with this joke.
Fer l went to bed early Thursday
night, March 81, and 1 woke up in
about eight hours. on Saturday morn
ing. April .. l had lost April first
slick and clean. Dropped it through
hole n the calendar Lost it in
the shuttle. Handed it out in making
change. Dropped it down a gold mine
Left it on the seat IN a trolley car
Lost il on an election bet. Slipped
down my trousers leg. [ don't know
what became Of it, but it was gone.
For Captain Saunders told me, wher
went to him about it, that the los:
had been reported to him before I was
awake-IOng before [ knew anything
about IT,
There had been no April First. AnC
there would be none. There WASH :
going to be no core TO this appleri
! Goke). 1t didn't begin until after i
got a good start. The first day o
. April fell on the second. That is. tn,
second came in first Not the onl!
time the favorite has come in second
When I was finally assured by th'
. navigator that I had really lost a who'll
dav I felt rather solemn about 1t. Fo
this was the first time since | began
observing days and times. more thar
sixtv-five wears ago. that | had eve
missed .. I'm Fools Dav." 7 Nigh
I l,'~>e, hoor ..i4o 5oro1;ct N +bo raIar
: nnao 5ro - sorra # the other saints
h-,+ aoo1 ola ..AnriI Fool, could conn
ion nv devout attendance every time
y [ poured nv oblations on his alta
II taIlS - 4f5[,n,-. al daT rose
y -, A.. +ho+ was east in everv moo
y - ,-,,..r,
" l." -" 1l.-Il.I w. L.+ an tho sidewalk
" III 49, ,';r+b harsh and iIl.timeg
u ..,,' falIa,- rnan stooned to pie
" lo' . .hs ror.e+hooE with a strjng tie
u up "a, t,,..., ,,.a,,, hot .. baar
20 Il, anu NY l,,0, sdTnd Of noorIy d,
'le li''J 5a,,,,Lta- wore scnrriIou
gus" ia ~ ~ .al Of nv coat and
j. ,''"e.S On e +E;ury that were not Their,
M IooHeu LOT , Eaa boom wonId bav
10 a I.l ~ aoI. % NV, coffee bnt that
~ s'lFIeu SAT 80 h1+ ;n+o lnsrion,
new ,,;5.ae If ME stuffed wit
/ dPp,"i' os oosy .yen 70 the otht
/. coIyon. "oo ' mari, for the bin,
y zoos. ana l was 4 main ~ "