The Cairo bulletin., 1910-10-04
WHEN ABNER
GOT MAD
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1910 by Associated Lit
erary Press
BY M. QUAD

good natured poke Of man. He was
going to get married some day, but
there was no hurry about It, He al
ways talked as if he intended to marry
Euniee. but he didn't come down to
details. He didn't ask her to name
the day and arrange the bridal tour.
Eunice liked Abner and bore with him,
but she was getting rather tired OF II
when her Aunt Hannah came on n
visit. Aunt Hannah. saw Abner two
or thr>a times. understood his nature
and then said to her niece:
Look here, you've got a poke Of q
man hanging around after you. and 1t
may be ten years more before he'll
say anything about marriage. Are
you going to put up with 1t or do
something"
why, auntie. what can do?"
get mad at him and make him
think he's going to lose you"
He only laughs when get mad"
Then set in and criticlse his feet.
his nose. his eyebrows. Tell him that
he's the homeliest man you ever saw
Il don't think he'd mind 1t at all
Didn't you ever see him show any
temper"
Not a bit. He was run over by n
drove Of hogs once and got up laugh
ing No, you can't make Abner mad.
He's poke, but an awfully good
man"
And are you going to keep right on
for the next fifty years, are your
One afternoon three or four days
later a vinegar barrel wifi one head
out was lef,at the house by the grocer
to be used as rain barrel The house
stood on quite hill. and there was a
sharp slope down to the village street
About the hour Abner usually appear
ed Eunice was sent on an errand tC
the other side of the village, and when
the poke" arrived Aunt Hannah was
the one to greet him. She took him
to the corner of the house where the
barrel stood and promptly began:
See here. Mr.. Jackson. you've beer
dawdling around here for years. What
are you after:'
why Why he stammered as ht
leaned up against the house and coult
say no more.
"Oh. you can't tell! l knew vol
couldn't. You've come here almost ev
err night in the week for months ant
years and squatted yourself down, ant
what for? Your talk can't-interes
anybody. The sight of you isn't in
spring. If was Eunice I'd just a.
soon have a wooden man around. Ant
yet you come and squat and squat.
ask you. sir, what you mean by sucl
| conduct?"
IL guess I'll go home" answered
Abner. who was too astonished to Sc
straight
and guess you won't" said Aun
Hannah. lat least not until you havu
explained yourself Ike been lookinj
at you If | had COW as homely a
you are I'd knock her In the head wit
the ak. Hump shoudered, bowlegge'
| and feet like an elephant, and yet yo-
come here and squat around and tax
up a girls time! Why, man, what ca
you think Of yourself?"
T'l never come again" eXclaime
Abner in a changed voice.
That's good That's what ! want
ed to hear you say. Go and squa
somewhere else Go and find the home
Hest girl in the country to match yol
The first time | saw you | knew 80
was a poke of n man and you hadn
grit enough to push toad off its nest.
woman, be careful! II you aggr'
vate me too much
"Aggravate anNold poke! Why, maj
II would take you three years to g
mad, even If you started in tonight.
The next thing she knew she wa
being lifted off her feet In Abner
strong arms and deposited in the hand
barrel. Before she could yelp twi(
the barrel was whirled on its sic
and given a Kick to start ii down Il
I StUIt. IT lOUh tiidtN AcGA
ran to the right few feet and the
SHE'D to the left. 1t stopped for
moment at q gooseberry bush III
then lodged and jumped clear over
crabapple tree. There were yelling al
screaming from the inmate Of the ba
rel, but Abner stood and watched u
circus and shouted back:
I'm poke, am /? I'm squattf
am /? I've got bowlegs and hump
shoulders and feet like an elephar
Col durn your hide, roll on.
And the barrel rolled, and Aunt fla
nah rolled. and neither Of them ste
!. ped rolling till the barrel crash
through the fence and brought
Y against shade tree in the street
r. one was Killed No bones were broke
Aunt Hannah crept out and up to t
house and vas just finished with t
last of the arnica when Miss Euni
came rushing in with radiant face
exclaim:
II was coming back home-nnd
met Abner-and he was swearing
and he grabbed me by the arm--a
he said he'd break my neck Ii did
go right to the preachers and be mi