The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-12-25
THINGS EVERYBODY
 SAYS OF MACHINES
Collection of Some Twenty Au-
 tomobile Bromidiums
SOME MAY BE NEW
Your Car User and Your Non-user Are Very Rarely SuIphitic-You Have Probably Heard Some of
 These Before

There Is a large collection of the good old phrases and sayings about automo one time or another. The man who owns a car and the man who doesn't, both have uttered these remarks. Very often they are bromidic in the extreme. In fact, there's a stock set of things that the man in the street will say about auto mobiles and you can hear them coming even before he gets his sentence framed. Some of the best known are these:
 Anybody who wants to can have an but as for me, give me a good horse.
 I'm waiting until they bring the price of automobiles down where anybody can afford to have one.
 You can be sure they'll be cheap some day, when folks find out they don't have to pay real money for them.
 Its just like the typewriter; automo- piles cost little enough to make, you're just paying for the patents.
 You know how 1t Is; you ride away out in the country and then you have to walk back miles.
 Wait until they invent a puncture proof tire then I'll buy machine.
 "It isn't the first cost that counts in an automobiles; it's the upkeep that mounts up.
 "Oh, every one says his cars the best; but no one wants you to see his repair bills
 o..s+ faa you get everything that happens to the car is like an accident in the insurance policy; 1t isn't covered by the guaranty
 "I don't want to know a. lot of technical stuff; what I want to know is will the car run. Agents never tell you that.
 When I went out with the demonstra- tor the car did fine. when I came to take 1t out myself it wouldn't go. You needn't tell me; 1t isn't my fault, it's the car.
 ''Of course If car breaks down they tell you you're to blame.
 "The worst bore l know is the fellow who's always telling you what cars there are going by. I don't believe any one knows all the names
 q don't know a carburetor from spark plug; but can tell the car I like.
 what I want Is car that can climb hills. Any car will run on level road.
 ''It didn't cost such a lot, but I've  on the hills
 'If you had your own garage it wouldn't mean so much expense. Chauffeurs are always trying to make money off you.
 "Our chauffeur is the best man you could get. We pay only $15 a week, but he takes care of the car like man who gets $50.
 "Oh, no my man wouldn't think of talk ing the machine out without orders He tells me about the other men who do, though.
 ."rhey all come to our man in the gar age to know what to do when their. cars break down. He's a thorough mechanic;
 "I don't believe in paying for first hand tires. Seconds do well enough and you don't have to give so much for them.
 .I don't want a car where the gears slip so quickly. If they don't make a noise you can't tell when they are chang ing.
 "AIl the difference between car that costs money and cheaper one IS In the raint I don't care what the machine looks like as long as 1t runs well.
 we can get t20 miles on a gallon Of gasoline any time we want to try, put don't believe in trying to force the car.
 "lt's better to have a machine than horse: you never find the machine get ting sick. ,,u,ts ,oos. ,,r after an automobile; when 1t isn't ,,,nning it doesn't eat it's head off in the stable. talk about anything else. I don't believe half of them know the things they're talking about.
 'Nfv cars exactly like the one that won inc big race the other day The agent told me so
 than have a. mortgage on 1t and have an automobile.
 "Tbe farmers out west are loading themselves up with debts to buy ma chimes.
 "If people only stopped to think what repair bills amount to they wouldn't pc SD crazy to buy automobiles.
 ..You can't believe half the things they c,airn for autos Some makers would sav anything to make a sale
 1Talk about the high cost Of living! There wouldn't be any if It wasn't for automobiles.
 "They run all right on the city streets; what I want to see is how they act when VOL get them off the asphalt
 "Chauffeurs always like to see now close they can come to people in the street. .x,-,- ...people who own automobiles think trev,re a little bit better than anybody else.
 .Td get a. car if 1t wasn't for the police. They arrest folks just in order. to get in off the streets every once in while
 ..The police would never dare arrest me know a man who is great friend of the commissioner.
 "You can't have any fun touring In tho country. There are always a lot Of motorists who dash by you and KICK up the dust. ',
 CT don't care about speed. What want is a car that will go places and get back. But I don't mind being able to go 40 miles an hour.
 ."They can talk all they like about their imported cars, but this little 1o-horsepow- CT machine of mine has passed all sorts of big foreign makes.
 '.It's the people who go racing all the time that give the rest of us bad name. I never try to speed my car.
 You ought to see how this machine behaves in traffic. I've been in the worst sort and never had to touch the gear set.
 "I can take any hill I want to on the high, but I don't believe in making the car do too much. If the maker hadn't intended them to be used he wouldn't have put in the low gears.
 Anyone can run a car; 1t takes a mas ter to handle one of them in the right way.