The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-05-20
~~~NO~~~U

ance?" mo, she takes it."-Chicago
Record-Herald.
Jones Cat the ball, to Mrs. Cater
SOM n)-How beautifully your daughter
sits out her dances.-Life.
''You used to be an awful spend
thrift" yep. But amt any long
er." "Ah! Reformed?" "No-I spent
it all"-Cleyeland Leader.
who was the greatest financier
ever known" Noah; because he
foated his stock when the whole world
was in liquidation. ."-Tit-Bits
81 never dare to look down when
| I'm standing on high place." said
Mrs Lapsling. "It always gives me
an attack of verdigris." Chicago
Tribune.
Miss Rogers How did you imagine
anything so beautiful as the angel In
your picture? Artist-Got an engaged
man to describe his fiancee to me-
Brooklyn Life.
do you like my new hat?" asked
Mrs. Brooke. "Yes. indeed" replied
Mrs. Lynn Il had one just like 1t
when they were in style. ."-Lippin-
colts Magazine.
"How did you enjoy the musicale?"
"Oh, / applauded at the wrong time.
as usual. Thought the orchestra tun-
ing up was classical number" KAN
sas City Journal.
| .,,c,t ~ JnoJr a. cnr,a draccao e,,;t-
able for automobiling,' said the lady.
Eyes, ma'am," replied the polite clerk;
these walking skirts are the thing"
-Yonkers Statesman.
Pedestrian far is It to Alder.
shot? Let me see. Well as the crow
flies Footsore Tommy-Neyer
mind 'ow the beggar flies; 'ow far is It
as the beggar 'ops?-Punch.
Caller-How pleased you must be
to find that your new cook is stay
er. Hostess-My dear, don't mention
1t. She's slayer, all right, but un-
fortunately she's not cook. Boston
Transcript
Mr.. Figg -Gasser says he kept per-
fectly cool last night when that burg
| lar got into the house. Mrs. Figg-So
his wife told me. She found him try.
ing to hide in the refrigerator.-Bos
| ton Transcript.
"Do you ever find It desirable to
oppose your wife?" "Yes," answered
Mr. Meekton. II always feel less like
ly to annoy Henrietta IL can avoid
being her partner in a bridge game"
Washington Star.
Father" said Little Rollo, what is
happy medium?" II suppose, my
son, that 1t is one who can earn sew.
eral hundred dollars day by making
tables and chairs move around the
room" ."-Washington Star.
"Meg!" No answer. "Maggie!" he
called softly. Complete silence.
"Madge!" Not sound. Margaret"
Then he whistled softly before making
his final effort. "Marguerite!" And
a fiute-like voice replied in the dis
tance-"Yes, darling!"
Physician Have you any aches or
/
doctor; 1t hurts me to breathe; In
fact. the only trouble now seems to be
with my breath. Physcian-All right.
I'll give you something that will soon
stop that.-Boston Globe.
"Yes," admitted the modest young
man. II have broken off the engage
ment. have been thinking 1t over
for a long time. and I've come to the
conclusion that girl who can love
an idiot like me must be wanting in
both taste and intelligence!"
Father-in-Law-I suppose you are
aware, Henry, that the check for $10,-
600 l put among your wedding pres
ents was merely for effect. Groom
Oh, yes, sir! and the effect was excel
lent. The bank cashed 1t this morning
without a question: Tran
script
Irate Woman-These photographs
Of myself and husband are not at all
satisfactory, and l refuse to accept
them. Why my husband looks like a
baboon! Photographer-Well. that's
no fault of mine, madam. You should
have thought of that before you had
him taken.
i have a good position to offer a
worthy college graduate. l presume
you have some fine young man In your
senior class?" Sure" said the pro-
fessor. What are your requirements!
Would football player suit you, or
do you prefer mandolin expert?"-
4 Washington Herald.
Proud Autumn" Father Bless me.
it's really marvellous about that baby
of mine. You'll hardly credit it, but
every time it looks up into my face 1t
smiles positively smiles. The Fed.
up" Friend-Well, suppose even o
baby has some glimmering sense OF
} humor-The Sketch.
Johnny" said the boys mother, Il
hope you have been nice, quiet boy
at school this afternoon" That's
what was" answered Johnny. Il
went to sleep right after dinner, and
the teacher said she'd whip any boy
in the room who walked me up."--