The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram., 1910-08-28
BY JONATHAN WINFIELD.

0y JONAt6AN WINFIELD.
Washington, Aug. 27.-Reference to
the files of the department Of state
would enable any seeker for such
statistics to make up the choicest list
of cranks that ever put their various
freak PROPOSITIONS ip writing. Cranks
who do not only claim the United
states as their native land, but cranks
from all civilized nations of the world
rrespond-although it is generally a
one sided corresponden the
state department.
Then. too, there are many of the
letter writing fiends who are ready to
sacrifice themselves for the good OF
the United States, either by taking
up the burden of the president OF the
nation, by being confidential advisors
of the state department or in the case
Of the cranks of the gentler sex, who
offer to be confidential agents of the
United States at the capitals of for
eign nations. OF course all want
| salary that equals if not exceeds the
present pittance of $4,000 that Un-
Gle Sam gives the president each
year; the average lady confidential
| agent" will serve for more salary, if
all expenses are paid. Expenses, of
course, include fashionable living,
maintenance Of fashionable establish
ments in order to give the proper en-
tree into the exclusive society of Eu-
ropean courts, attendants, automob-
lies. summer villas, etc.
! The latest offer to serve the nation
! has just arrived. This time it is a
subject of John Bull who is willing
to renounce his allegiance to Great
Britain and become citizen of the
| United States if this government will
make him secretary of the navy, sign
, ing five years contract and pay him
"only" 6 5000, English money, which
is $4,000 godd American coin, for
each years service as the big boss
of the naval establishment
The British would be savious, in
| the United States and Japan is his
|
to support his mother, also, he says,
or he would serve without pay. He
will direct the United Safes, succeed
/ ing the secretary in Office and guar
antees. if congress will not be stingy
with the nations funds, to bring it to
supreme supremacy over all the ma
vies of the world. Speed, he declares
is the secret of naval development.
! One propeller makes a battleship go
ten miles an hour. while two make it
go twenty. He has submitted plans
for the battleships which he pro-
poses to build if he gets the navy
/ portfolio. The plans resemble por-
cupines. as their sides have innumer-
able prorellers pointing at various
angles. Each propeller is to have a
separate "gas engine"
The propeller enthusiast has been
informed that too many propellers on
ships, which must of necessity, be To-
Gated at the stern cause vacuum and
that scientific experiments of naval
men of other navies have proven his
theory faulty. He is still correspond
ing, or at least trying to tell the de-
partment, through his correspondence
with the United States embassy in
London, that naval experts are hum
bugs, and that he alone knows the
wherefores of what he relates.
Next to the crank letters, the funny
requests for information take up the
files of the department A man out in
South Dakota recently despatched a
document to the department earnest
ly soliciting information as to wheth-
er the Krupp or the Bethlehem gun
works is the larger. "To settle bet"
he wrote this Information is impera-
tive. 1t must be correct. Hvae our
minister to Europe investigate and
report"
An enterprising dental graduate in
a western city wishes to know if there
lis opportunity for success for a den-
tits in China. explaining his success
in making false teeth and respectful
ly awaiting an answer" while the de.
partment looking over the Oriental
field and make suggestions where he
establishment
A couple of dime museum freaks, a
fat lady and an Indian rubber" man,
sent in a letter relating their hard
luck They were going back to Eu.
rope to try their luck, they explained
and only wanted letters of introduc-
ton to heads Of foreign governments.
The English king, the French presi-
dent and the German emperor would
about Fill their wants il letters to
these three were forthcoming.
The city guides who catch their
victims in the neighborhood of the
White House are doing yoeman serv.
ice for the republicans. Showing their
string of sightseers the treasury
building, they are at present leading