davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

vitriol prussic acid or something like
those for you, wouldn't YOU?
We'll. this is gloomy old dump. oh.
no. of course you can't help il. Who's
saying that YOU can? I didn't say THAI
you could help it. did L? only said that's
it's dismal and dreary and gloomy around
here, and fellow doesn't know what 10
do with himself.
"Heigho. Jenkins wanted me to drop
around to his place tonight for a little
game of draw. and I told him I'd be
there. but now, Of course
"How'S that? Go and leave you here
sick? Well. 1 guess not. I'm not that
kind of an onion. What dye take me for
anyhow? / s'pose You mean to imply by
that that I'm in the habit of cantering
off and leaving you alone when you're
s. *. hey? Well, IL sounded like it, at
that. I'd like to have you mention one
time when | ever vamped off and left
You acne when you had one OF these
mysterious headaches Of yours and
heaven knows you've had enough of EN-
/ never knew the like of you, anyhow
You're always throwing out cracks that
look as If they're meant to convey the
idea that I treat you like a doormat. and
one married man of our acquaintance
who sticks around with his wife more
than / do when she's sick.
"Oh, I knew you couldn't name one.
1Ou can say all sorts OF Internal nasty
things, my dear, but when you're cor
nered, why, you crawfish into your cave
like all women. 7 wish l could teach you
to get into the habit of coming right out
and saying things instead OF beating
around the bush the way you do getting
those knocks out of your system in that
slinky way that gives you chance to
hedge when your words are put right
back to you.
''Hows that? Your smelling bottle.
Where is 1t? In what drawer of the chif-
fonier? That's a great place 10 keep a
smelling bottle. isn't it? Right-hand cor
ner of the top drawer. did you say?
Il s'pose now you'll think that that'll
cure your headache That's Ike a
woman. too. She takes every situation
in life hind-end foremost. The cause Of
headache, as / think I've mentioned once
Or twice before, lies i'm a disarranged
stomach and nowhere else. and here YOU
imagine you can help the darned thing
by breathing something through your
nose out of a bottle. II that isn't like a
woman. Women have never got very far
from their cave-dwelling ancestors. any
how. / wOuldnt7be in the least surprised
to see you rubbing a tigers tooth or
or charm to get rid of a head
ache. You ought to have a
Siwash totem pole set up in your room
here. SO that every time you had a head
ache you could genufiect before Ii and
humble some kind of an incarnation
about laundering winds and cascading
water and all that, and then you'd b.
cured just as quick as scat-ye-eh.
What's the use. anyhow3"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

I r. w tOrenpOf1S Il go
| met q diamond
drummer of my ac-
quaintance, one of
the big men i'm the
travelling end of it.
He looked quite
unusually cheerful
and clipper as he
swung out of Mai
den Lane, the big
wholesale diamond
street, into Broad
~ 4zIl~1 80
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

YER since Col. Cor
don of Mississippi
ardently embraced
the muse in the
Senate chamber
and got away with
it-there has been
a poetry boom IN
congressional CIR
Giles. Grave states
men who usually
give most OF their
time to the eluci-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

one or
those antique raves
Of the funnyists
that doesn't go be-
cause it isn't on
the level is the
wheeze that hus-
bands are GLADLY
glad and tickled al
most To the verge
of the BOBBY hatch
when their wives
go AWAY.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

D you've got an
other one OF those
heada ches of yours,
hey?" said Mr..
Grump to Mrs.
Grump. clomping
up and down her
bedroom on his
arrival home from
his office. TOO
bad. Sorry. But
it's mighty queer,
honest it is. how
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

element in their districts by opposing the
measure or voting against il.
There are several members OF the House
District committee very much against
the measure and they intend TO do their
level best TO kill il in committee. II
seems to be the general opinion around
the Capitol that Washington is very
orderly city and that no such drastic
legislation as Is proposed is at all neces-
sary at this time.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

Now, listen. Jim: darned Up all your
socks day before yesterday. but I for
got to put them in your drawer and
you'll find them in my work basket, and
my work basket is in the box couch In
the sitting room. and for mercy's sake,
Jim. pul-lease remember this so you
won't pull the whole fiat to pieces look
ing for your socks, won't you? Now,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

argue me out of it that heada nearly
all come from a disarranged stomach
It's wonder YOU don't tell me that head
aches are caused by a wet moon or
neap tide or volcanic disturbance at the
Straits of Sunda or something like that.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

The nan was over forty. and his vito
was pretty close to forty herself.
ell. you look pretty good to me-
now that you're hiking off, young fell
ler," he said to her. sort of sneakinr
ms hand over SOS to get hold of hers
Look pretty middling good to me any
old time. when 1T comes to that 1t be-
gins 10 look 10 me that I'm mashed on
you beyond all redemption. If 1T does
you any good to have your man make
that kind OF fool schoolboy speee n
AFTER all our years at the matrimonv
thing, why, you're welcome, kid, that's
y.
We'll. I'll take mine out in thinking
dear" she replied, land I'll write all OF
my foolish things in my letters. Now.
you're honestly going to remember to feed
the canary every day. aren't youo The
maid can attend to cleaning the cage, but
you yourself will feed little Diclde every
single day. now. won't you? Promise me
again, so I can feel comfy about it,
Sure. I'll feed the bird. Say, I've Just
been noticing those hazel eyes Of yours.
You've sure got EN- all skim ed forty
ways from the jack when 1t comes to the
brown lamps. and
Such silliness!' she interrupted him
looking pleased. Now, dearie. listen
You won't be getting poor old Melinda to
cook you those dreadful messes-thines
with horrid cheese in them-that you're
SO crazy over and that make you SO sick.
will you? Promise me solemnly once
again, now, won't you?"
mix on the cheesy things, just as SOL
emn as you W MT it, said he Going to
be mighty dieary. dismal old imitation
of fiat without you In it, sis. and don't
you ever forget that. 1t sure does get
me gulpy around the glug works to see
you nudgfng off. and I find that it's get
ting harder every time you go away for q.
little trip to see your folks. One Of these
old days I'm going to pour an awful COB
OF grief all over you by going along with
you when you go away"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

YOU get all these headaches. Gee, II
both of us had that headache habit we'd
have a pretty dismal old drum around
here, wouldn't we? It's gloomy enough
as 1t Is, with one of us always topping
over with a headache. and that's no
josh. OF course. IL 1 ate two or three
pounds Of chocolates every day and
enough dill pickles to supply girls
boarding school and lot of junk like
that. all mixed up, why, I'd expect to
have headaches myself. But maybe
you've observed that / don't abuse my
self in that manner. My view Of the
matter is that as long as we're only
going to live once here on this earth
it's worth while for us to use little
sense In taking care OF ourselves. in
stead of defying every natural law Of
hygiene like some people I might men
ton, but won't.
II s'pose you'll be telling me that your
headache results from the fact that the
wind is from the mormon east, or be-
cause the clouds today are of the cirrus
variety, something like that. It's just
like q woman to wriggle and squirm
around and Dodge acknowledging the
corn
But you can't hand me such stuff, my
dear, because / krow better. You'd never
have a headache If you knew the rudi-
ments of sane living and applied 'em to
your own SYSTEM ITOuOle Win you Is
that you overeat. 1 never in my life
saw woman stuff herself the way you
do, and it's wonder how you manage
to keep out of an invalid's chair. But
women never learn by experience. Next
thing / s'pose you'll be munching on
those dfgestion-paralyzing candies before
breakfast and
Huh? You haven't eaten any candy
in a week? Oh, we'll, that doesn't make
any difference. Nature takes her time
about these things. and nature is now
warning you in a leisurely manner that
you'd better go slow. If 1t isn't candy It's
something else. You're forever nibbling and
nibbling on truck that doesn't agree with
you, and ii wouldn't surprise me in the
least to see you, sick as you are go
right down to the kitchen now and pre-
pare yourself a big mess of liver and
onions.
II tell you what, some special Provi-
dence watches over the health of women,
for they've got no more idea of the most
fundamental facts In connection with the
science of caring for the health than
whats that? Oh that little attack of
of weeks ago? oh, might have expected
that you'd pull that on me. Had to do
that didn't you? 1 s'pose you're going
to reclne there and tell me that YOU
attack OF mine was caused wholly by
Overwork?
But. shuclss, that's all the sympathy
get when 1 have little At of sickness
When you're sick why, 1 stick around and
soothe and caress you. and tell you how
sorry / am and all that but after I've
had little spell of sickness you try to
toss it at me that the reason / was sick
was that l ate four cans of lobster and
all that sort of tommyrot
Il could eat a dozen cans Of canned Ioh-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

months of travel, without ever having
had a chance To get anywhere near
the gems. But the trailer is willing to
work and wait for the odd chance. He
knows that when he does succeed IN
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

I'm cites when travelling with their
trouble diamond drummers keep their
gems in a couple of large wallets. which
are kept buried In very deep, especially
made. inside waistcoat pockets. When
in sleeping cars or steamboat cabins we
carry the suff in belts, which are worn
right next to the skin. The belt is
nation lock. and the gems are similarly
locked III the small compartments of the
belt. in which they are distributed by.
packets.
Most of the stuff we carry on the
road consists, of courses, of white stones,
but usually we have with us. too, stones
of other colorS. and these are the stones
We worry least about. although they
are far the most valuable. The answer
to this is simple. The thief who tries
to peddle stolen red diamond, for ex
ample. or even a valuable green
nary or absnthe coored stone can be
promptly nabbed with the goods Not
the thief who has got away with a
valuable bundle of white gems. He can
get rid Of the white stuff anywhere with
out exciting suspicion.
"A diamond drummer on the road is
kept busy reporting to his firm. His
firm closely follows up every move that
he makes. Some of US send two tele-
grams a day to Our firms, In addition
writing every evening. OF course.
the firm must know at which hotel in
the city the drummer is stopping. If
the kilograms don't turn up in the firms
office at the appointed time the firm
takes instant steps to find out what
the matter is. The firm keeps in such
close touch with its travelling men for
excellent reasons of it's own. If anything
happens to the drummer the firm wants
to have a warm trail to work on, and
If. as happens very, very rarely, the
drummer bolts for 1t with his stock of
samples, the firm wants to have a warm
trail in that case. too. Very few dia-
mond drummers turn dishonest. Per-
haps a hundred diamond drummers in
the employ of wholesale gem houses in
New York carry with them on their
trips from 100000 to 100000 worth of
stones each They're paid from 5000
to 10000 a year, and sometimes earn
commissions in addition"
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

Washington and doesn't claim to have
ever been farther north than Boyds, Nd.
could prepare such a comprehensive and
intelligent review OF Peary's north pole
trip as he presented to the House naval
affairs committee last Wednesday. and
which was published in The Star of that
date
Mr.. Macon didn't prepare it. Although
not as modest as the timorous violet, Mr..
Macon doesn't pretend that he could sci
entifically determine the difference be-
tween an Eskimo dog and two pounds of
pemmican. SO he went to a scientific man
OF recognized attainments and experience
to get the data for his review. In the
present state of the Peary controversy he
naturally declines to tell who aided him.
All who have read his statement. how
ever. seem to consider 1t a most interest
ing document.
COMEBODY mentioned the other day to
- Victor Murdock-the only genuine.
automatic. self adjusting. four-ply, dyed
in-the- wool. garden and fancy insurgent
in Congress-that President Taft had
called at the Capitol about adjournment
time the evening before and taken Speak
er Cannon for a twenty-mile Joy ride.
Huh" said Victor. they'll be taking
chew off the same plug next
Amt he the unreconstructed and ire
concilable thing.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

Special Correspondence ~ Tho star.
NEW YORK, March II. 1910
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

If you don't believe it. just watch mar
ried couples at the station when the trslh
is getting ready
Nearly all of the married couples that
sit or stand around the station when the
wife is going off on little trlp-hea'S
all of 'em talk straigntout baby talk
while they're waiting for the gate 10
open. Not the young. newlywed couples.
either but ali OF them. including couples
tn At look to re been spliced long enough
to've celebrated at least their silver we'd
ding.
They do all sorts of furtive hand-hold-
ing. and the man sort o signs and
scratches his head whole lot. and they
just buzzbuzz foolish things right up to
the minute of the getaway
is II sure and honest goin' to be a
good boy" says the wife. looking at her
man half earnestly and half quizzically.
''Betcha IL is says he.
Gross its heart"
Gross its heart n hope to aie,'' says
he.
And II isn't goin' TO drink at all. 'cept-
in a little beer I'm the evenin p says she.
That's what II isn't says he.
Promise p
Hope i may never"
And 1t isn't goin 10 stun itself with
pie and horrid old indigestible things
at lunch?"
Not it. Don't you worry about that
And it isn't even goin' to so much as
look at any horrid woman while Its
little dirl is away"
law. now. you know different from
that. | wouldn't give your little finger
for all Of 'em put together"
And IL isn't goin TO play nasty, hor-
rid old poker till later than midnight,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

house and taken the corsets away-f
he could havt identified them.
But the case never went this Tar.
When the bench warrant doomed UP In
the distance: the refractory citizen
came across in a hurry.
A FTER lodging fully fifty-seven vaf
rieties of information. and running
like scared deer every time 1t seemed
that a witness was about to testify to
something of interest in connection with
the food problem in the District of CO.
lumbia, the Moore special committee Is
about ready to report. "7less to say.
the report will deal exclu, with the
cold storage problem, which, while high
close TO the hearts and the poe ct
books of local folks as the big Why
of the highprice proposition.
During the course of its hearings the
committee had many splendid opportuni-
ties to gather information concerning
wholesalers and the like in the District
which. it seemed, might well result in
disclosures of exceedingly great interest
and importance. But by clever foot
work. assisted by condition on the
part OF the committee of profound men
tai calm. all unseemly discoveries were
successfully avoided.
But the committee will report all right.
Watch for it.
OTIS OF people have been wondering
l.. how it was that Representative Ma
con of Arkansas who inhabits Arkansas
when at home serves his country here in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

A CERTAIN fish dealer OF Boston doe.
y not think the officials of the Treas
ury Department are overwhelmed Will
intelligence. In letter to Representa-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-03-12

the road
Well that's putting it smack-dab up
to the drummer. isn't it? The drummer
knows perfectly well what that kind OF
talk means and that's why he always
travels under a double strain-irst. the
secondly the almost certain knowledge
that If he does become the victim of
robbery it will be up to him to convince
the firm that he has really suffered
misfortune.
'tOnly a couple of years ago a diamond
drummer whom ] knew we'll was robbed
of a valuable packet of gems in a sleeping
car leaving Baltimore. His story didn't
sound plausible to his firm, although all
of us who knew the man were perfectly
satisfied that he was absolutely honest
and that he actually had been robbed.
His firm had him arrested, all the same,
in spite of his years of honest service.
He stuck to his story OF the robbery.
of course, and no case could be proved
against him, 50 he was released from Gus
tody. But he was disgraced and out Of
job, and his bonding company had to
make good his bond.
1T was not until more than year aft
erward that a Pullman porter was pinched
in Kansas City for a theft In which he
was caught in the act. and the porter,
under the third degree, confessed that he
had lifted the .drummer's packet of gems
on the train out of Baltimore. The drum
mer Is back in harness again with his old
firm but her never get over the wallop
that was handed him on that occasion.
when a bank employe goes about the
city with large sums of money he always
has a bodyguard, but the diamond drum
mer always travels alone. He has to be
his own watcher and protector all the
way.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-03
A FAuNAL FAMILY,

Golf and tennis are forsaken
= Ever since the folks have taken
10 tne woods and fields and meadow:
with a pencil and a pad.
For assorted fera1 knowledge
eve we can equal any college,
Lovers fad.
With a pair of opera-sIasses
sister Sue has learned the classes
into which the tuneful tomtit and the
chippy-bird belong.
she can tell a lark or linnet
From a robin in a minute
And at spott1ng speckled warb1ers She s
exceptionally strong.
BY inoculating rabbits
q p BT rot Charles has learned the habits
VI the cuIex stegomyia and the diplococ-
And by skilful intuition.
He has solved the disposition
Or the fuzzy caterpillar and the green
tomato worm.
And. the hop-toads' humble history's
NO longer any mystery
10 little brother Willie since he's taken
them In hand.
He knows the conformation
OF each warty corrugation,
iii there's nothing in the hopper line he
doesn't understand.
If you're seeking information
Or desire an explanation
Of the structure anatomic of the WOODY
dingle-bat,
We're prepared to take it's measure
To supply such information as will show
you where you're at
Frank Hill Phillips, in Harpers Mag
azine for April.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-03
QUAKER AlEDITATIoNs.

From the Philadelphia Record
Age before beauty-The century
plant.
A prickly pair-A couple of porcu-
pines.
It's Ions lane that has no pune
tured tire.
Many a man who wants the earth
is Obliged to take water.
Ignorance of the law excuses no one,
not even a young lawyer.
The pen is only msghtier than the
sword when L has the ink to help it
out.
There is always room at the top, but
success is good bit like a creased
pole
than to climb upward by dishonest
No. Maude dear: q Iayman is not
necessarily one who knows the lay of
It makes no difference how good a
play is, It will drive a man to drink
between acts.
some men are never satisfied unless
they can put two and two together and
snake Eve.
eyes. l am in love with my work .
exclaimed the poet wen. I don't
think you need fear rival replied
the editor as he deposited the poets
illusions in the waste basket.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-03
UNAVOIDABLE TRADE BALANCE.

| "The turn to an Unfavorable bal
ance in our foreign commerce is neces-
sarily only temporary. for the natural
working of the laws of trade will pro-
| duce a reaction. but the readjustment
promises to involve unpleasant fea-
lures. inasmuch as the disturbance has
been brought about by influences which
| can not be removed and will have to
be counteracted instead says the
Iron Trade Review editorially in it's
current issue. zone of these is our
diminished ability to export foodstuffs,
caused by n failure of production to
keep pace with our own rapidly in
creasing needs. Another is our less
favorable position for competing with
foreign producers or manufactured
goods. since at many points our costs
of production have increased in the
past two years, while the tendency
abroad has been to reduce costs of
production. = third is our tendency to
import luxuries. AS individuals We
may be able to pay for those Injuries;
as nation. we can not, or at any rate
we are not doing so at present.
GAS against an average favorable
balance of $500,0O0.00C in eleven years
preceding 1909. amply sufficient in the
early part of the period but probably
not wholly sufficient in the latter part,
we have had a drop to a favorable
balance of s252.OOO.00O in 1909, and
to an unfavorab BILE balance of $4,000
600 in the first three months, of this
year.
"a portion of the readjustment re-
quired will come from reduced i'm
ports, which have been extremely
large. Another portion may come
from increased exports. The reduction
in imports may be disagreeable; the
increase in Exports will be difficult,
since as to manufactured goods we are
increasing wages and doing nothing to
produce more economically, while as to
foodstuffs it will be very inconvenient
either to reduce our consumption or
increase our production
fOur high point in wheat exports
was from 1900 to 1904. when we ex-
ported an average of 192.O0000o bush
els per year. Taking figures thus far
available, it can be estimated that our
exports in the fiscal year ending June
80 next will amount to only about
$1,000. 900 bushels
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-05-03
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
rFrom the Chicago News.l

IFrom the Chicago News.1
A man who tells you that he is wise
is otherwise.
It's easier to become a hero than it
is to hold the job.
Most people think GHOSTS are white,
but they are all shades.
Trouble is about the only thing you
can find without looking for 1t.
A woman who has good figure isn't
necessarily good at figures.
man isn't inevitably crooked be
cause he can't keep his face straight
A man is always finding fault with
the weather or his wife's actions
Candor is one of the principal in
gradients in the trouble-maker's COM
position.
Instead of looking for a man under
the bed spiuster should look for one
under an auto.
Most women woula order corned
beef and cabbage in restaurant if it
had a high sounding name.
Don't WORRY. about your own fu-
neral You will be present, Of course,
but the proceedings will not interest
you at all.