Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-05-12
~~~NNNoON~-

Mrs Tellit-Yes, sne is decided
blonde. Mrs. Knockit-Indeedi When
did she decide?-Milwaukee News.
Little boy, haven't l seen you in
my Bible class?" Not unless l walks
in me sleep, lady. New Orleans Pic
ayune.
Ella-Bella married an octogenarian.
Stella--I don't think that girl ought
to change her religion for a man
Chicago Daily News.
What selection is that the orchestra
has just fnished?" Il don't know.
Sounded to me like neuralgia express
ed in music. ."-Tit-Bits.
DauShter-Did you have to fish
much, mamma, before you caught
papa? Mother-Fish, my dear, fish!
was bear hunting-M. A. P.
How much does it cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. That
depends entirely on how long you live"
replied the sad-loooking man.
How is the water in the bath, Ii
setter" Gold, my lady. 1t turned
baby fairly blue" Then don't put
Fido In for an hour or so."-Pittsburg
Post
He-Why are you so sad. darling?
She-I was just thinking, dearest, that
this Is the last evening we can be to-
gether till to-morrow.-Chicago Daily
News.
Professor examining medical stu
dent)-If you were called out to pa
tient what is the first question You
would ask? Medical Student-Where
he lives.
Splendid color, isn't it?" asked the
fshmonger, cutting open a salmon.
YES" replied the purchaser, looks
as If it were blushing at the price you
ask for it."
Wiggs-How do you know he's for
eigner? He has no accent? Wages
No, but he knows so many ways In
which this country could be improved.
philadelphia Record.
What did the poet mean when he
called his country the land of the free
and the home Of the brave'?" He was
probably referring to bachelors and
married men," said old Mr. Smithers,
sadly.
What do you suppose, Algernon,
the young thing asked, "is the reason
the ocean is salty?" Il am sure don't
know" drawled Algy, unless 1t is be-
cause there are so many Goldfish in It."
Success Magazine.
The Manager-I've got a new idea
for a melodrama that ought to make
hit. The Writer-What is it? The
Manager-The idea is to introduce a
cyclone into the first act that will kill
all the actors.-Tit-Bits.
"I've got to go to Philadelphia" said
the hurried traveller, who was fumbling
for his pocketbook. We'll" answered
the New York ticket-seller, ARE you
buying transportation or just telling
your troubles Washington Star.
Bowers-I understand that the doc
tors have just had consultation On
Murphy. What conclusion did they
come to? Powers-They decided that
the patient was not wealthy enough to
stand an operation.-Spokane Review.
Ebeneezer-Them skeeters makes ms
think Of them city visitors we had the
week before last His Wife-How's
that, Eb? Ebeneezer-They come pret-
ty near bein' the worst singers and the
biggest eaters 1 ever see.-IIlustrated
Bits.
Gladys-Oh, mamma! Here's note
from that Iong-haired pianist. He says
It. will be impossible for him to play
At our reception tonight. Mamma
What's the trouble? Gladys-Some
one stole his wig.-Chicago Daily
News.
The Kind Lady-You clear OF or I'll
set the dog at you. The Tramp-Ah.
ow deceptive is uman natur'. Fer two
Nights I've slept in yer barn, eaten of
,er poultry an drunk of yer cider, and
low yer treats me as an utter stran-
yer.-The Sketch.
aThey tell me-" said the innocent
maid, that your marriage was the re.
iult of love at first sight. Is it true?"
1t is" answered the round-shouldered
nan, sadly. Had l been gifted with
second sight I'd still be in the bachelor
lass! s!"-Chicago Record-Herald.
Il hope you will be interested in
,onder gentleman" said the hostess.
/ have assigned him to take you out
o dinner" Il shall be, responded the
adv addressed. That gentleman was
ormerly my husband, and he's behind
With his alimony. Cour-
er.Journal.
Officer, what is this man
harged with Constable-He's a cam
ra fiend of the worst kind, yer wOr-
hip. Magistrate-But this man
houldn't have been arrested simply be-
ause he has a mania for taking pic
ures. Constable-It isn't that, ysr
Worship; he takes the cameras.-Bos-
on Globe.
That is fat prosperous-looking an
elope. Does our salesman send in a
liz bunch of orders?" "Not exactly.
hat envelope contains a receipt FOR
is last check, his expense account for
his week, a request for a salary raise,
nd a reQuisition for some more ax-
ense account blanks. Louisville