davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
THE PIANoFORTE EXPLAINED

It was the first entertainment Peter and Mary had ever attended. Pro- ceedings, according to John Trevena, author of "Furze The Cruel" opened with duet upon the first pianoforte Mary and Peter had ever seen. "Bain't him cruel, noisy thing?" exclaimed Mary. What dye call 'en?" she asked a small, ancient, dried-up man who sat beside her. The old man tried to ex- plain, which was a thing he was fa- nous for doing He was a superannu- ated schoolmaster of the nearly extinct type, the kind who knew nothing and taught as much, but a brave, learned man, according to some of the old folks.
 That there box," said the master, with an air of diving deep in the well of wisdom, "hem full O wires and hammers
 My dear life!" gasped Mary. Full O wires and hammers! Dye hear, Peter?"
 Her brother replied in the affirm ative, although in a manner which suggested that the information was su- perf1uous.
 Folks hit them bones, and the bones dra' on the hammers, and the ham, mers hit the wires," proceeded the master.
 "Bain't that artful. now?" cried Mary
 Sure 'nough." agreed Peter, unable tO restrain his admiration
 Couldn't you mak one O they? You'm main cruel larned wi your hands," Mary went on.
 Peter admitted that was so- Given the material, he had no doubt of his ability to turn out piano capable of producing that music which his sister described as "cruel noisy"
 ''It taketh a scholard to understand how to mak they things" corrected the master, with some severity. See all that carved wood on the front of him? You couldn't du that, and the piano wouldn't mak no music if 'twasnt for the carved wood. 'Twould mak noise, you see, Peter, but not music. Iris the noise coming out through the carving what makes the music. Taketh schol- ard to du that"
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
UNCOMMON WANTS.
-s.-s-.sss***.ss.....-ss..ss..s..s.-*.s.:....-ss

Curiously worded advertisements, which are funny without the authors intent, are to be found in almost any number of any newspaper. The fol- lowing announcements were printed in all good faith in the advertising col umns of various English newspapers, and, as a whole, they won prize of fered by a London periodical for the best collection of such specimens of unconscious humor:
 Annual sale now on. Don't go else where to be cheated-come in here.
 A lady wants to sell her piano, as she is going away, in strong iron frame.
 Wanted-Experience nurse for bot tied baby.
 Furnished apartments suitable for gentlemen with folding doors.
 Two sisters want washing.
 Wanted-A room by two gentlemen about thirty feet long and twenty feet broad.
 Lost-A collie dog by man on Sat urday answering to Jim with brass collar round his neck and a muZzle.
 Wanted, by a respectable girl, her passage to New York; willing to take care of children and a. good sailor.
 Respectable widow wants washing on Tuesdays.
 For Sale-A pianoforte, the property of a musician with carved legs.
 MT. Brown, furrier, begs to announce that he will make up gowns, capes, etc, for ladies out of their own skins.
 A boy who can open oysters with reference.
 Bulldog for sale; will eat anything; very fond of children.
 'Wanted-An organist and boy to blow the same.
 Wanted-A boy to partly outside and partly behind the counter.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
The World Went Round.

When Bloggins senior on the occa sion of his annual party was obliging his guests with "'Tis Love That Makes the World Go Round" Master Will liam Bloggins seized the opportunity to retire for a few minutes behind the Japanese screen with his sire's half smoked cigar.
 The applause subsiding, Master Blog- gins was observed by one of the con- pany to be looking far from well. His face had taken on the hue of putty, and his eyes stood out like small hat pegs.
 Good graciaus, Willie! Whats the matter?" cried Mrs. Blogglns in alarm. "I believe you've been smoking"
 Willie shook his head.
 "Tain't that" he declared untruth- fully. If it's true what fathers been singing about, Fl reckon I'm in e?"-London Express.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
What She Was.

Flossie and Mabel, touring the coun- try on one of the famous see-it-if-you- can excursions, were tramping the streets of New Orleans. A comedy brunette of delicate complexion and stately carriage swung graciously by them.
 Flossy, excitedly nodding toward her, whispered loudly, "Oh, look, Ma bel! There goes one of them beauti- full octagons."
 "Huh!" exclaimed Mabel, "what goosie you are. Flossie, dear That isn't what they call them at all. She is a pronounced nectarine."- Success Magazine.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
The Day of
 the Slave
SSSSS@55=S5S=S=SSSSSS5

"The idea of expecting anyone to be serious to-day!" she mocked, mis- chievously. Why all Nature is sim ply hilarious! Riotous birds, frolick- ing
 Nature go hangi" he exploded. you're just choking me off. You al ways find some excuse for rot listen ing"
 Well, then, why insist upon express ing yourself as to the future? Why not be content and happy in the now?"
 When certain important matter is settled, shall be prepared to enjoy the now" he finished.
 Your confidence is amazing"
 Certain doom is easier to bear than suspense" he asserted. Its no use, Stella, the time has come and"
 'Hark! Hark! Hear that perfectly wonderful bird song? Why, it's like part of our new duet"
 She broke into ringing carol which apparently silenced the bird. but pres
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Cooni"
Weekly News-Times.
Diseases of Fear.

If you are afflicted with an unrea sonable fear of anything, do not waste time being ashamed of yourself; hurry at once to a doctor, advises writer in Success Magazine. A writer in the Dietetic and Hygienic Gazette has compiled a list of fear diseases from which it appears that everything, from screaming at mice to being afraid to go home in the dark, is well recog- nized mental ailment.
 The tramp is in reality a sufferer from ergophobia, or fear of work, of ten complicated with aquaphobia and sapophobia, which makes him shun the bathtub. Siderophobia and astro phobia cause timid ladies to go into the closet when it thunders and light ems. Any number of people have cat and dog phobias. Phantophobia is what you would have if you were afraid of your shadow, while an all around, unqualified coward might be called a phantophobiac. The list is long and includes almost every human weakness except the actress horror ot publicity.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

The spelling of some of the enter Ing class of great Western university has lately been published for the amusement, and perhaps warning, of students elsewhere. Words were mis- spelled that any pupil of an un- graded country school should know by heart The head of the English de partment, in commenting on the mat ter, expresses the opinion that possibly one in a hundred who thus offend is constitutionally deficient in the men tal traits which make an accurate speller; but with others who have studied the matter, he lays the trou- ble among the ninety-nine to lack of sufficiently thorough early training and drill No real substitute for the old spelling-book has ever been found, and ignorant and illiterate spelling is not reformed" orthography.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

ently 1t rallied and poured down a flood of thrills that threatened her with extinction.
 Help me, Ned" she cried.
 Ned succumbed to her blandish- ments, as usual, his glumness fled, he lifted up his voice with hers, and to- gether they produced such volume of melody that the bird, after another frantic overflow. gave it up and flew away.
 Wasn't it the funniest contest?" she bubbled. Our voices harmonized beau tifully, in the clear air"
 Our voices always harmonize; they were made for each other. Stella
 "Oh, wonder are stepping stones!" she cried, running down the hill to the stream. Cant we cross here, and not tag the others away down to the bridge? We'd beat them to the pie nic grounds, too"
 A wicked inspiration filled Ned with exultation, if he could only stick it out. Objection was sure to add to her determination.
 Looks deep, in the channels each side of that big rock, and you can't jump the gaps. either"
 Well, you can help me across" she said confidently.
 "Oh. yes," he assented, q can help you across easily. But I must put in another stone first" He felt mean. but reminded himself that she deserved 1t.
 In few minutes he had swung her safely across to the large rock in the center of the stream; as he leaped to 1t himself, the newly placed stone swayed and turned.
 ''Oh!" she cried. "It might have thrown us both ini"
 That's SOL he returned.
 He hid a grin, as with the hooked handle of her umbrella he helped 1t
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

General Bell proposes a military censorship of the American press in war times suggested by the Japanese censorship iP the recent war It is held by military men that the strict censorship which the government was enabled to exercise contributed largely to Japanese success in the struggle with Russia. as by it the enemy and the world at large were shrewdly de eeived as to Japanese plans, losses in battle, and resources. The vital fea- ture of the Japanese system was to compel the press to tell deliberate false hoods whenever it seemed necessary to conceal the real facts. We are told by the purist and strict construction 1sts that such system would not do at all for the United States. ID 'hA
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
when the Prestdent Lost His Hat

When the President Lost His Hat.
 The Crystal palace exhibition open ed at New York, July 15, 1853, and was the first affair of this kind in the country for which foreign exhibits were solicited. The "big show" began with procession, in which President Franklin Pierce, mounted, was a con- spicuous feature. The hero of the day rode a mettlesome steed, and while proceeding up Wall street the presi- dential headgear, a new silk hat of the prevalent style, was incontinent- ly tumbled to the pavement Another horse recklessly stepped upon the un- fortunate tile, crushing it out of the semblance to itself, besmearing it with mud-real Wall street mud What was left of the misshapen and bedaub- ed hat was worn by the president, to the great amusement of the specta- tors, until a substitute could be SC cured.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
The Point of View.

Isn't it dreadful the way these frauds and ways to cheat and swindIe are being discovered? Just look at this page of the paper-full of them,"
 And here's a long article about the customs officers holding all travellers to a strict investigation"
 Isn't that just too mean. How is Cousin Anne going to get through to me those lovely gloves she bought for me in Paris ?''-Baltimore American.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

In a recent speech at Yale Univer- sity, Governor Hughes, of New York, put his finger upon an ugly spot in American life-the ready habit of be- Iieving and spreading evil stories about men in public office. He plead cd with the students that those who go into journalism be fair with pub tic men whom they criticize. although they comment freely upon thC acts of such men. "A man who seeks profit In the sale of calumnies is the most despicable of human creatures" said the governor.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Some persons are reviving the old controversy about Abraham Lincoln's religion. Viewing the career of the great American from this distance it seems hardly worth while to worry about what particular brand of reli- zion he affected.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

The movement for uniform laws governing the operation of motor ve- hicles throughout the United States is gaining strength through the activi- ties of the various automobile asso- citations in the country, and the prob lem will be one of the chief matters for consideration at the meeting here In January of the American Auto mobile Association. It is not believed that exactly similar laws will be adopted by all of the States, but 1t is hoped that uniformity relative to ex- animation of drivers. registration of cars. signals. road signs. etc, can be obtained.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
A woMAN'S THOUGHT.

1 am a woman-therefore may not Call to him, cry to him, Fly to him,
 Bid him delay not!
 Then when he comes to me, must sit quiet;
 Still as a stone All silent and cold. If my heart riot Crush and defy it! Should l grow bold, Say one dear thing to him, All my life fling to him, Cling to him What to atone Is enough for my shining? This were the cost to me, This were my winning That he were lost to me. Not as a lover At last if he part from me, Tearing my heart from me, Hurt beyond cure Calm and demure Then must I hold me, In myself fold me, Lest he discover; Showing no sign to him By look of mine to him What he has been to me How my heart turns to him, Follows him, yearns to him, Prays him to love me. Pity me, lean to me, Thou God above mel Richard Watson Glider.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
The Upward SIan..

'Yes," said the worker in the slums, T have immense hopes of Luigi"
 "But he is so ignorant" urged some one.
 "Yes," admitted the worker, 'but he shows the infallible sign of ad- is no longer discon- tented with his condition; he is dis tontented with his character"
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Sure Enough.

Mrs Bacon-I read here that thu veins on the back of the hand are ev- cry bit as useful for the Identification of criminals as thumb prints.
 MT. Bacon (looking at his hand)-Is that fact?
 Now, what are you looking at the back of your hand for? You're not a criminal, are you?"-Yonkers States man.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Good Intentions.

Said Charon to Diabolus,
 Your pavement's simply awful! . To leave your streets in such a fix
 Is surely quite unlawful" "The contracts let for street repairs,-
 Replied the Prince Imperial; ''But not till New Years Day is past
 Shall we have good material" Success Magazine
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

@The holiday season brings a realiza- tion of the importance of toys in the commercial world. In 1908 more than seven million dollars worth of toys were imported by this country, mainly from Germany, which excels the rest of the world in producing wonderful things dear to the childish heart,
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Crushed.

Colonial Dame (impressively)- ancestors came over in the Mayfiower Daughter of the Revolution-Humph, If my ancestors were immigrants wouldn't brag of it.-Pathfinder
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

A Texas man has just given away several million dollars worth of prop erty; but don't get excited. He mere ly gave it to members of his family.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

A Northwestern University profes- sor thinks men should be proud to have descended from an ape. Some men should'be proud, undoubtedly; but what about the ape?
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Judicial authorities are wrestling with the question whether a safety razor is a deadly weapon. It may not be deadly, but amateurs in its use assert that it can hurt a lot.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

A Chicago clergyman advocates con- pulsory marriages. This space (") is reserved for what the bachelors think of the idea.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

The University students have asked for a wrestling director. It takes skill to get one of those Greek roots three points down.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

When would you call man a vic tim of fate?" asks a correspondent. We'll, for instance, when he has his skull fractured with life preserver.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Once More.

Church--And you say you found Philadelphia fast?
 Gotham-Yes, fast asleep.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
DADS oL' FIDDLE.

Tisn't putty, that op fiddle, hangin' there agin the wall, But among my household treasures it's the dearest of 'em all; It is scared an scratched an battered, but I've got an idee it, If o' dad was here to work it, could perduce some music yit. He was just a country fiddler of the Rack Back -Davy sort, Had no virtuoso trainin, all come to him as a forte, An among his rippertory there was one inspirin' tune That would start us all to dancin';
 Coon!" In the evenin after supper, when the stock had all bin fed An the modest skies was blushin' at the sun agoin' to bed, Dad d set an tune "Or Betsy" scrap in at the strings, I swear, Till he'd start or Towser howlin' like a death was in the air. Then he'd shet his eyes a minute are fiectin' what to play, An would start with "Camptown Races" take a whirl at "Ol Dog Tray" Us a-waitin' with impatience, fur we knowed that purity soon He would start the strings a-quiverin' with
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

King Leopold left private fortune which is estimated at $53, 100000, not withstanding the fact that he never went around complaining that wealth was a burden.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Andrew Carnegie is tightening the purse strings, having indefinitely post poned the job of dying poor.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Put a mans hat on his head, and the chances are about a hundred to ons that it will be uncomfortable until he adjusts it in his own peculiar way.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Professor William Henry Pickering thinks he saw a little vegetation on the moon. Sad. indeed!
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

The hole in the doughnut doesn't amount to much, but it is better for you than It's surroundings.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01
Zip
Cooni"

At the big corn huskin' dances in the country dad was there In his Sunday ygo-to-meetin's. an with bears ile on his hair, An he'd git to jerl1in' music that d charm a eppycure, With his cowhide boot a-beatin' to the measure on the floor. They would waltz an they would shot tish, dance the "Or Virginny Reel,' Till they'd see him putin Betsy into extry careful tune, Then they'd pound the lumber lively to his
 Cooni" He's a-layin' in the shadder of a will Ter tree back there, Where the music of his fiddle ust to 'lectrify the air, An the instrument a-hangin' on the wall he left to me As a every day reminder of his blessed memory. An often git a-thinkin' if he had "OP Betsy" now Up among his feller spirits there d be jolly row! He'd forgit he was in heaven an would git her into tune, An would have the angels raggin' to his
 "Ol
 Zip
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

It's pretty mean to hint that Peary's story was Cooked up.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

Woman suffrage is gaining ground. Emma Goldman is out against it.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

It's easy to tell others to let wen enough alone.
The Holbrook news., 1910-04-01

ently 1t rallied and poured down a flood of thrills that threatened her 1 with extinctfon
The Mena weekly star., 1910-11-10

ELECTION!

Democratic governors were elect e in New York, New Jersey, Mas sachusetts, Connecticut, Ohio and Iowa, and returns indicate that h. diana and Nebraska have gone Democratic.
 Missouri is estimated to have gone wet" by 100000, and all Republi- can congressmen elected except in the Fifteenth district.
 B. w. Hooper, Republican and Fusionist, was elected governor of Tennessee by about 15,000 majority.
 Oklahoma has gone Democratic, Bird Mcclure being the only Re- publican elected to Congress.
 The Democrats have taken the House of Representatives, but the Republicans will hold the Senate, though by a reduced majority.
The Mena weekly star., 1910-11-10
COTTON RECEIPTS 2.2so
And at Least 1000 More Bales Ex-
 pected This Year.

Tuesdays receipts of 46 bales of cotton brought the total for the year to 2,250 bales. The buyers and those who have seen the cotton in this vi- cinity, are expecting at least 1000 more bales from this years crop.
 The highest price paid Tuesday was 14.60, this being paid by Craw- ford & Mckinney for one bale. Next day the market was little lower, the prices ranging from 14.30 to HAS. The receipts that morning came very near equaling Tuesdays total, being about 35 bales.
 c. W. Petty has received word that the einners' report indicated a crop efi 2 :: $40 100 bales. He did not think there would be much change either way in the market.
The Mena weekly star., 1910-11-10
PRICE W AVIATION
 MEETS IS GOIaG UP
San Francisco Would Guarantee the Air Men $70,oCo, But They Want sfoo,coo for
 Showing.

New York, Nov 1.-The price of aviation meets is going mp. The air men are all working together and for all the money they can squeeze out of the ambitious cities.
 A telegram reached here announc- Ing that San Francisco would raise $70,000 for the tournament and that $30.000 of this would be allowed for the expenses of the aviators. Ten or a dozen of the big airmen who are now in this city met to decide what their terms would be.
 Wilbur Wright opened the session by asking a guarantee of $15,000. We were the first men to fiy.' he said, "and we think that under the circum- stances we should have at least $l5,000 in addition to the prize money in rec ognition of what we have done"
 Grahame-White then announced ihat he would expect at least a s25,- 700 guarantee and Hamilton followed by estimating his services as worth e20000. Moisant declared that he would hold out for s20,Oo0 and the Frenchmen were willing to donate heir services for the same sum-
The Mena weekly star., 1910-11-10
RATS BRING CHOLERA FROM ITALY
Precautions Taken to Prevent Spread of Disease-Rodents Came From
 Infested Naples.

London, Nov. 7.--A~Mave of alar:s swept London when medical authorS ties announced that cholera germs hal been brought to this city by rats. Tht bodies of three dead rats found if the London docks, showed upon examina ton to have died from cholera infec ton. They are believed to have been brought here on an Italian ship from the plague infested regions about Naples.
 Immediately following the pubiica lion of this announcement the promi nent medical authorities caused the announcement to be made that all necessary precautions had been taker to prevent a spread of the disease tc hun an beings. Despite this reassur ance there was widespread feeling ol fear. especially among those living near the docks.
The Mena weekly star., 1910-11-10
THE CAPITOL GIVEN A BATH
Entire Outside of Structure at Wash ington Washed Down by City
 Bremen.

Washington. Nov. This was wash day" at the capitol of the United States. The entire outside of the Massive structure was washed. The fire department of the city was called upon to furnish an engine and hose sufficient for the job.
 Several years ago the superintend- ent of the capitol was perplexed as to how to get the dust of ages and spar row nests of several generations dis lodged from the lofty porticos and decorations far above the reach of the man with the mop and stepladder. He called upon the fire department, and SO well was the building washed by the stream of water turned upon 1t that the method has been followed ever since.