The Holbrook news., 1910-02-18
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Poet-Did she think my sonnet was good? Friend-She must have She didn't believe you wrote it.-Kansas City Journal.
 T want one of the new spotted face wells, please" Yes. madam. Specked, spattered or splotched Cleveland Plain Dealer
 ''I ordered a love of hat sent up to the house and asked hubby to buy it for me" Did he?" No; my love was returned"
 First Chappy-That-aw- Sum- mers is a deah girl. doncher know. Second Chappy-You must have been engaged to her, too,-Boston Record.
 MT. Henpeck-We're going to re- move to the seaside, doctor. Doctor But the climate may disagree with your wife. Mir Henpeck-It wouldn't dare!-Philadelphia Inquirer.
 Pat-Could yer give a man a job. paint this pole for me? Pat-Be jabers. can, sor, if you'll tell me where to buy the striped paint.-Punch.
 The Night Nurse-Has that medi- cine come that the doctor promised to send. The Day Nurse-Not yet. The Night Nurse-Then I guess the patient will live through the night.-Chicago Tribune.
 After all, there's only one thing absolutely certain In this world" Tn deed. What?" That fashion will never increase the size of women's shoes, as it does their hats and sleeves" "-Boston Transcript.
 St. Peter (to applicant) What was your business when on earth? Appli- cant-Editor of a newspaper. St. Peter-Big circulation, of course? Ap- plicant-No, small; smallest in the country. St. Peter-Pick out your harp.-Epoch.
 The small son and heir had been sent into the garden to fetch stick with which he was to be punished. After some delay he returned, saying. with a sigh: Couldn't find a stick. mover; but here's a little stone you might frow at me-
 Cdn Say OIS lullS HI AdNOi Ol MT. Featherly," remarked Mrs. Hen dricks, the landlady; he never takes the last piece of bread on the plate." NO, indeed, Mrs. Hendricks" assent ed Dumley, cordially, 'Featherly ain't quick enough. h."-Bazar.
 Here, I say, Be bit more care full with that razor; that's the second time you've cut me" Well, well. so it is; but therel l always deduct ha- penny for every cut. Why. it's noth- ing for a man to go.out of here having won fourpence off me."-The Tatler.
 Returned Explorer-Yes, the cold was SO intense at the pole we had to be very careful not to pct our dogs Miss Youngthing- Why was that? Returned Explorer-You see. their tails were frozen stiff. and if they wagged them they would break off-Boston Transcript.
 Bridget-Will yez have your dinner now, SOFT, or wait for the missus? Head of the House-Where is your mistress, Bridget? Bridget-There's an auction beyant the corner, SOFT, an she said she'd stop there for a min nit. Head of the House-Have dinner now, Bridget-New York Sun.
 Traveler-What do you think of the tariff? Old Farmer-What they doin' to it? Traveler-Why, haven't you read the papers? Old Farmer-Well, I used to, but bout a year ago I stopt 'em off They got to be too friyoling for me. Since then I've been took up reading a book.-New York Sun.
 "Your husband has been ill.," said the caller. "Yes," replied the little, worried-looking woman, "he has been feeling very badly. 1 do my best to please him, but nothing seems to sat isfy him" '1s his condition critical?" 'Tt's worse than critical" she an- swered, with a sigh. tits abusive.'
 WilIy-You see, 1t was this way They were all three so dead in love with her. and all so eligible, that to settle the matter she agreed to marry the one who could guess the nearest to her age. Arthur-And did she? Willy Il don't know. know that she mar. ried the one who guessed the lowest Life.
 "I. hear that your church has in- stalled a photograph stuffed with sa- cred music?" "Yes. Had to do it. Choir had struck" New scheme work all right?" Its beautiful Never ouarrels with itself. has no skirts to rustic, doesn't fret about the angle of its hat. refrains from giggling or pow dering it's nose. and if 1t gets out of order a mechanic can repair it."- Philadelphia Ledger.
 "It makes you look small,' said the ealeslady to the elephantine woman who was trying on a hat. Soldi "It makes you look plump" she said to the cold, attenuated damsel. Soldi