The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1910-03-24
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Iedcher-hoW many make a mil
lion. Johnny? Johnny-Not many.
Ever lad appendicitis" NO.
There amt never been a time when I
could afford it"-Detroit Free Press.
Barber-Have anything on your face
when l get through, sir? Victim
Some skin and nose, | hope.-Boston
Transcript.
George-Do you think that I'm good
enough for you, darling? Darling
No, George; but you're too good for
any other girl.
The chicken stew has two prices
In the bill Of fare. How is that, walt
err" With chicken in it, it is 30
cents, without it, TO-"
Mother Cooking over her boys
shoulder)-Your spelling is perfectly
terrible Little Son-This amt a SPELL
in lesson. It's a composition.
Politician Congratulations Sarah;
I've been elected. Sarah with de-
light Honestly? Politician-What
difference does that make?-St. Louis
I Times.
The Father-Did mamma punish
you to-day, Tommie? The Boy-Yes,
sir. What did she do?" Made me
stay in the house while she was TAX
ing her singing lessonI"
They are going to lock Jones up for
the good of the community" What's
he done?' He's talking of setting
Browning's poems to Richard Strauss
music. Cleveland Leader.
The Man-No. 1 don't suppose that
/ shall ever marry. I'm 100 shy, don't
you know. and faint heart ne'er won
j fair lady" The Girl (helping him on)
But I'm not fair; I'm dark.
Why" asked Missouri newspaper.
does our State stand at the head i'll
raising mules?" Because" said an
Iowa paper, that is the only safe
place to stand. Jack O'Lantern.
Teacher-If you wear one pair of
shoes three months, how long will two
pairs last? Jimmie-A year. Teach
er-Oh, no; how do you get that?
Jimmie don't wear any in the sum-
ner.
Yes, l do most of my work at night
now" What's the reason?" why,
I'm a Wileyite and cook my food four
hours, and being a Fletcherite it takes
me three hours to eat."-Clevelani
Plain Dealer.
Wifey-Do you think there is han
that could conscientiously say to his
wife, You are the only woman l ever
loved?" Hubby-Only one that 1 can
think of. Who? You, dearest?" "Oh,
no, Adam. Spare Moments.
ticed that there was a new face be-
hind the window Has the cashier
gone away to take rest?" she en-
CURED. NO." replied the new man;
he has gone away to avoid it."
How do you extract women's teeth
without their screaming? You don't
give gas" But my Office is opposite
millinery display. When the WON.
en- get absorbed in looking at the hats
they're oblivious to in."-Kansas
City Times.
Young Lady Con first visit. to West
ern ranch)-For what purpose do you
use that coil of line on your saddle?
Cowpuncher-That line. as you call
it, lady, we use for catching cattle
and horses. Young LADY, dare say.
Now. may 1 ask what do you use for
bait.
The new housemaid had just opened
the door in response to Wigglesby' s
ring. rs Miss Darborough in?" asked
Wigglesby. Yes, sorr, she's in SORT.
but she's engaged" said the maid.
Yes. 1 know" smiled Wigglesby. I'm
what she's engaged to."-Harper's
/ Weekly
Then you don't think l practice
what l preach. eh?" queried the min
lister in talking with one of the dea-
cons. mo. sir. l DON'T" replied the
deacon. You've been preachin' on the
subject of resignation for two years
an We haven't resigned yet."-Ladies'
Home Journal
Tubb-Old boy, / want to congratu-
J
last night OSudds latter waiting a
moment)- know you do, pard, and
you're awfully sorry you can't do Ii
truthfully. / appreciate the effort,
just the same. Nasty weather. isn't
.it?-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Al do love lobster, but
never have them at home, because t
seems so ilhuman to kill them by put
ting them in kettle Of boiling wa
ter. Mrs. B.-Gracious. / never kill
them that way. 1t would be too hor-
rible; l always put them on IL cold
water and let them come to boil.
Il regret very much that we cannot
use your story" said the magazine
editor, handing back the manuscript.
Its astonishing how much really good
literature we are compelled to decline"
Its more astonishing, though" said
the disgruntled author of the story.
that you never let any of it get into
your magazine. Chicago Tribune
Little Nelly told little Anita what
she termed little fib' Anita-A
fib is the same as story, and a story
is the same as a lie. Nelly-No, it's
not. Anita-Yes. it is, because my "a.
Their said So and my father is pro-
lessor at the university. Nelly-I
don't care If he is My father is a
real estate man, and he knows more
about lying than your father.
Ready TO Bargain.
Sutton Ito her father / love
the very ground your daughter treads
on.
Father (grimly)-WelI, young man,
you amt the first party that's had an
attachment for it, Howsomever, If
| you love it we'll enough to come and