davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
AN AUTHENTIC BIOGRAPHY.

Goodness gracious," exclaimed the
bondhOlder's wife as she entered his
private Office. where the thermometer
indicated 90 degrees. and found her
husband. his brow dripping with per
SEPARATION. busily engaged with a pair
OF scissors. In the arduous employ
ment OF detachlng coupons. Good
ness graclOusi Are you trying to take
a Turkish bath?"
The bondholder turned 20 the WON
an with hurt expression on his
shrewd face. Il wish you would not
speak in so sighting a manner" he
said. reprovingly. Il am expecting a
visit from the man whom I have en-
gagged TO write my biography and I
want 20 appear so he can say truth
fuily OF me that ] earned my money
by the sweat OF my brow"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
Light Burden.

The feelings of the coal dealer were
much injured.
Sell a short ton OF coal?" he
echoed. raising his hands in protest
Why. my dear man. n that should
happen Il would weigh on my con
science the rest OF my life"
Well" responded the customer,
with much feeling. IL Il didn't weigh
any more on your conscience than It
does on your scales, ] don't think you
would notice Sc much"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

ing the process OF
milking II you
encourage this
kind Of familiar
fly do not be sur
priscd n she
tn on ghticssly
plants both feet
in the pit OF your
s { o M "a C. n some
ev eniug an q
makes you cough
up loose tissue
Tor a week The
only way 20 I'm
spire respect in a
p eevis D. milk
COW IS TO Jar her
back teeth loose
a b out twice a
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
METAMoRPHosED.

She loosened down her lovely hair
Her hair that was her own.
And bodice. girdle. nounce and lace
To right and left were thrown.
In simplest gown OF ample fold
she wrapped her beauty rare
Each Jeweled triuket cast aside.
And-oh. but she was fair,
Among the pillows ot her lounge
She lay. Co read and rest.
Faircr than even eyes of men
Had seen her-at BIER best
But when her maid with umid knock.
Brought lu card Of white.
She 90 her mirror ncw and cried.
"Oh ] om such cgirstl'
And then. with corset belt and stock
And combs. and aI the game
or puns and prinAs. she strove IN hast,
To make herself that samel
Madeline Bridges. in Puck.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
It's Identltv.

Brother Gaumpcrs-Uh-weu, sab,
me and mum wife done sallybrated
our rubber weddin' last night, and
Brother Lopp-Hor on, sir! What
sawtuh weddin'?
Brother Campers - our rubber
weddin'. sab. We done invited bout
dozen OF our friends over to a chick
en- supper. Wild little gin and music
afterward. and mighty nigh de whole
rest O. de cullud poperlation stood
outside and rubbered In th'oo de win
ders.-Puck.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

The farmer who is too poor 10 buy a
pair Of warm blankets for his team
with hogs at $40 and milk at $50 a
hundred ought to try doing he chores
in a gauze union suit and see how he
likes it. The man who will allow a
faithful team TO stand for hours in the
teeth Of a bitter wind while he bugs
the grocery store stove and settles the
tarin question has a disposition which
would make hyena turn green with
envy. We have seen men who had
plenty of time in which 20 gabble
about old Joe Cannon and the steel
schedule, but who were too busy TO
slip a couple OF blankets on a shiver.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
FISHED BABY OUT OF RIVER

Bundle Of Clothing Containing Infant
Hooked by Fisherman.
Ithaca y. Y. April 27 - Walter
Powers. a local angler. thought he
would try his luck in Six Mile creek
at the Meadow street bridge. and got
a most unusual bite. His line drifted
inshore. when suddenly he felt a heavy
load on the end Of IT, Thinking that
he had made a haul he yanked It in.
On the end Of his line was a heavy
bundle OF Undertaking. and inside
was the body of a seven-months-old
baby. The body was bruised and mark.
ed and dirty. but in a good state OF
preservation Powers was somewhat
alarmed and called the sheriff The
sheriff is looking for the mother.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

takes this from Z
10 . in the morn
ing He usually
turns his voice
10 Sc about 3
a m. and by Is
o'clock he Is so
d oarse that he
sounds like an ex-
piring corn she'll
cr The Brahms
can bee heard FOR
SIX miles on a
still day when In
good voice. and
his conversation
becomes extreme
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

The best farm dog ever put out is
the collie pup. a good Scotch or Ca
nadian-lrish collie with "A loud voice
and hrm teeth win inspire more re-
spect in herd OF milk cows than
harmful Of mills stools. In picking
out shepherd dog always select one
whose mother was crossed with "A
hyena and which can point with his
nose and set with his tail He may
not take any beauty prizes. but when
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

IN the army Is due TO drink Vice is
simply drink In another form. Who
ever heard Of saloon completely d.
vorced from the white slave traffic
or a house of infamy without bari
You may tell the young men that Gen.
Grant does not drink a drop OF liquor
has not for s years"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
GoIno Too Deep.

seymour-What killed Yellers7
Ashley-His greed
Seymour-His greed? What do you
mean?
Ashley mean his persistency in
getting two enjOyments when only one
was intended
Seymour-kindly be more specific.
Ashley-Why instead of smoking
only. he also inhaled.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

We have been asked why some bees
sting harder than others. Personally
we never could see any difference
The averaE" male bee. so scientists
tell us, has "a stroke varying from one
eighth 20 one-quarter OF an inch. de
pending upon the resistance encoun-
tered. A well directed sting on the
surface OF live boil Tor instance. is
liable 20 cause more uueasiuess on the
part OF the stingee than one planted
on new shirt Gun. Some bees have
a rotary motion in their singing up-
paratus. while others use smooth
bore which is about as pleasing as
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

w ONT expect the hired girl 20
chin herself on a wire rope
~ every time she hangs out the
wash. Buy one Of those neat
but not gaudy family turnsules. with
force feed and family lubricator. Next
to a bottle Of some approved collie
remedy this is the greatest boon that
can be placed in any home. More
hired girls have become shoulder
oound In the attempt 10 wrap the han.
dies Of q pink chemise around a lofty
clothesiine than from any other cause.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
ro Wonder.

The auto wheel assumed a proud
look Il have just been on a $4,000.
mile trip" il Dragged.
Il don't wonder you are tired" muir.
INJURED a shy cart wheel
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

They say she got all kinds OF
money from her first husband"
NO; only one kind of money"
What was that?"
"Alimony."
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

We have patented dy net which
will soon De plared upon The market.
This net is made ot three thicLneSSes
or four ply cotton battcn and can BE
had iu the following colors: Venetian
red. gobelin blue aud budweiser yell
low. This is form fitting net aud IS
made in three Styles-to Wit the prin-
cess abdominal. the anti-fat hip re-
Queer and the royal flush straight
front This net has the approval OF
the board OF health and the pure food
commission. This net requires no sta.
piles, strings or suspenders. IL is held
in place hy perspiration and the force
OF gravity.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

SINKS MS TEETH ~ the inlet 10 the
THE BACK PORCH or esopbao1is Sal,
A srUBBOEN STEER. mort sh,,,,a ~.
reserved for company dinners. anyway
1t is cheap and filling. and one pound
VIII go further than any other break
fast food we know OF. pound jag
OF salt pork on a hand painted dolly
makes an appetiZing centerplece and
is a good chaser FOR mock turtle con.
somme
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

he sinks his front
teeth in the back
porch Of q stub
born steer you
will have 10 PITY
him loose with
"a stick of dyna
mate. This breed
Of pup has better
staying qualities
thNn a straight
front corset
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

"Is the legislature spending the
present session TO advantage?"
We'll. IL seems to be spending.
all right"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

The poultry keeper who ornaments
his henuery with the Brahma rooster
Is stuug This bird requires only two
hours. sleep per day. and be generally
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
The Courts of Calanthe

Is the Female Department of the Order requires membership
thirty persons to organize court Its members pledged exhibit
endowment and burial benefit $4,000 pays per week sick
The only for reaia the the
rOsette costing for funeral
For all information concerning special of membership
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

Opposing Facts.
What is your chauffeur doing un.
der your machine?"
"He is looking IL over"
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

Ing team. II there is a hell the man
who allows his team TO freeze TO the
pavement on a winters night viii be
called upon 10 do a jig at the tail OF a
toasting fork that viii last 10000
years.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

MILLS lie is large.
rawboned bird. with a crop capacity OF
four full quarts. and is the only sub
stltute for the windmill or the farm
The Brahma makes about as delicious
a dinner dish as stewed polecat
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

THE CLlDESuA ALE HAS TWE SAME RELATION
TO THE SPEED RTNG As A DFFrArtp
WHEELBAEHOw
dale in our life that could wiggle
around haif mile track in less than
seventeen minutes, yet some farmers
are disappointed II they can't get Go
town and back the same day with 20
team OF Clydcsdales Weighing 1000
pounds On their lingerie. The Clydcs
dale is not "a society favorite and new
or viii be. lie has the same relation
20 the speed ring as a debated wheel
barrow. but when 90 comes 10 jerking
a manure spreader over plowed ground
be is there 6fty-scven ways. As
driving horse the Clydesdale is a mel
ancholy joke
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
Natural Result.

why did you get out OF that vacuum
company"
There was nothing In st."
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

There is a great difference in brood
sows. Some sows seem 10 have no
sense OF family relationship and are
just as liable 10 Offer refreshments 10 a
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

Wtth Win SEC JAZZ HEH BACK IEETU
ton OF a rail- LOOSE ABOUT TWICE
fence We have WEEK.
found out that the more affection you
shower upon some cows the quicker
they are 90 start a puncture I'm your
diaphragm.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
Kni9bts Of Dptbias,
Mas A,E A.. A.
N. A., S. A., e. A., A. AND A.

g J. !. ! : !
A This organization Is the country and II,
phenomenal The
VA diion cities and
ri lN EA benefits
Founded Friendship based
ind
o heaie support.
bene6to O
ecostnp
information
anrlYa rnano he
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

Humsrist Lspsoe Into Unconscious
ness and Passed Away Without a
strUggIe-Trisd 70 Joke Until the
Last.
Reddins. Conn. April 22.-Samuel
l. Clemens Mark Twain died OF an.
gina pectoris AT his home near this
city. he became unconscious and sank
gradually until his death
All hope Of a recovery was aban-
doned on Wednesday night. when he
was evident to the physicians attend.
ing him that the patient was grad.
ually losing ground He had been con
scious through practically all OF his
Illness and had considerable kuowl
edge OF his condition and OF the hgh.
that was in progress. His spirits kept
up 20 the last. and until wednesday
night he tried 90 joke little with the
people about him
He recognized his daughter. spoke
rational word or two and feeling
himself unequal 90 conversation. wrote
out I'm pencil. GIVE me my glasses 90
Those were his last words Laying
them aside he sank first into reverie
and later into final unconsciousness.
Americas Most Popular Author.
Beyond question Mark Twain was
the most popular American author.
Some persons think Of him as the most
popular writer in the English Ian
guage. certainly the most widely
known humorist. and a philosopher Of
parts. Tn recent years his conspicuous
and punEent personality has made him
not less than national institution
He was born fin 1885 I'm the town OF
Florida. Mo His father was a lawyer
who kept store" because he could
not 1--we by his profession. in those
times. Something Of the visionary
qualities Of one Of Mark Twain's par
uculariy deathless characters Colonel
Mulberry Sellers. may have been pres
ent In Judge Clemens They also reap.
peared in his son. Tie died when sam
uel Clemens was only twelve years old
and thereafter, throughout his life the
son kept moving on" about the coun-
try and the world. The family we liv.
ing al Hannibal Mo. when HIS father
died. and tho boys first writing was
done for the Hannibal Journal Al the
are NJ et~broe, h.. ..--,,.. ~, -. -.
and worked a. o. r-,rt.~. 49,. -, 1,tu
odelphia aud Washington. then back
90 Missouri and Iowa. He went from
Cincinnati to New Orleans. where he
decided 90 become Mississippi pilot.
10 learn almost literally, h., fosi ri. 80,
I'm the darI, fbr,ueb the moro mo, +.
thousand miles on rlv.- boty,ee, N-ey,
Orleans and St Ioufs Sometime ~
all this ho has SET down an % ,fe ON
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

Never allow n COW 20 stroke you
across the upper lip with her tail dur
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

y G YER serve
salt pork ia a az
reen ladle. The
process is waste
nul and may re-
suit In clOgging
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

painless dentistry II YOU are bound
10 Doe stuug, choose bee whose fam
fly relations are pleasant or 20 and
bite on "a chunk Of mining stock.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

guinea hen as 10
a m @ m b er Of
their own family.
This usually re
suits from near
sightedness Pro
vide the sow with
a pair OF smoked
glasses and lead
her family up 90
the booth every
morning Tor q
few days after
which no trouble
will be expert
enced The aver
age sow is long
on will and
short on intellect
In foot ~. rov,r-
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07

short on intellect. SMOKED GLASSES.
In fact. we never knew a SOW that had
anything on a cream vat in point Of in.
telligence and culture. but patience
and tact wiz accomplish wonders.
Il is pure waste OF time to attempt
10 make a trotung horse out OF the
Clydesdale We never saw Ciydes.
Richmond planet. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1883-1938, 1910-05-07
DEATH CLAIMS
MAX TWAIN
King Of Wits Passes Away al
His Connecticut Home.
WROTE HIS LAST WORDS

HuTerlst Lapsed Into Unconscious
ness and Passed Away Without a
strUggle-Trisd 20 Joke Until the
LAST
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07
SCARCELY KNEW THE SENATE
Correspondent After Ten Years Alb
sence Notices Some Senators
Have Grown Old.

A newspaper man who spent great
many years as Washington CORE
spondent, but who has been absent
for some time, went into the press
gallery the other day and. looking
down on the senate, remarked:
well, scarcely know any of the
senators now. | notice Tom Carter
and Senator Perkins of California, is
it noto And there is Gallinger." His
attention was directed to Hale and
Lodge, who were talking with group
of senators in the back part of the
chamber. Good gracious" he ex-
claimed. "how old Hale has grown.
And Lodge hasn't been getting Bit
younger.
1T seems as if there were lot
of young men in the senate The men
whom knew are only few in number,
but they all seem to have grown very
old" 1t is natural to suppose that
ten years will make quite difference
in a body like the United States SEN
ate
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07
DEPEW NOTES COINCIDENCE
About President Taft and Draws
His Own Conclusions.

Senator Depew of New York the
other day was an interested listener
to the conversation of two women
who had been to see President Taft
One said it gave her great pleasure tG
see Mr.. Taft in the White House, es
pecially as he was man whom she
had wanted to see realize his great
ambition.
Il have not realized my great am
bition," the president told her, my
great ambition was to be chief execu
tive of the Supreme court" The
same day this conversation was re.
ported to Senator Depew by that won.
an, another woman who had been to
see the president also talked with the
New York senator. and said:
81 have been to see President Taft
to-day. / am convinced that he will
serve one term, and that he will be
succeeded by Theodore Roosevelt.
also prophesy that President Roose.
welt will appoint ex-President Taft
chief justice of the Supreme court. .
Senator Depew has been thinking
deeply of the coincidence Of the con.
versations of the two women, and OF
the prophecy of the latter. Among
other things that would have to hap
pen to make this prophecy material
ize, Chief Justice Fuller must live ON
for at least three years and two OF
three months.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07
SUGGESTION BY DR.. WILEY
Government Chemist Tells How House.
wife Could Save Money by
Roasting Own Coffee.

II the housewife would buy her COT
fee unroasted in the bean, says DR..
Harvey w. Wiley, who for years has
led the crusade for pure foods, the saw
ing in the cost of living would be very
material. Most people can remember
When 1t was common thing to buy
coffee in that form, roasting it as need
ed and grinding 1t in hand mill. Our
fathers used to believe that coffee so
prepared was superior in quality to
that bought in the store already roast
ed and ground fine. Coffee after being
prepared in that manner quickly loses
a large portion of it's fine aroma, and,
moreover, it is condition lending it.
self most readily to adulteration.
Excellent Brazilian Coffee" says Dr.
Wiley, "can be bought for six cents a
pound by the bag. 1t should be bought
in this way and stored in the attic,
where it will cure and improve SO that
after two or three years it will be even
better than when it was first put away.
A very excellent quality OF Brazilian
coffee, such as the merchants usually
sell for Is cents a pound, can be
bought for seven cents"
The annual consumption of coffee is
IL to 13 pounds per capita in Amer.
lea. If we could save, not Is cents,
but even ten cents pound on the en-
tire consumption, the consumers OF
the country could pocket 500, 100000
year. This is something worth con
sidering. But that is not the only
saving. The bulk-practically all OF
the coffee-is now sold roasted and
ground. Deterioration of quality Incl
dent by keeping the coffee in this
form, and by the adulteration of it oc-
casion a still further loss to the con.
sumner, equal, probably, to another
$100.000,000 a year. 1t is practically
impossible to select good coffee after
it has been ground. The way to select
good coffee is to select 1t green, and
to refuse to accept any which is full OF
blasted and broken beans, sticks and
dirt.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07
MEANING OF WORD "cREEK'
Champ Clark Tells the House 1t Is
a Small Stream in the
West.

When the river and harbor bill was
up in the house, paragraph was
reached providing $4,000 for Newton
Creek. Are all the creeks named in
this bill navigable?" asked Champ
Clark
He was assured by Chairman Alex
ander that the creeks were estuaries
and had a large amount of commerce.
That Is what | supposed said
Clark, affected by tidewater. Why
didn't they call them something be-
sides 'creeks?' Out west of the Allie
enemies creek has well-defined mean
ing. 1t is a very small stream. fit for
nothing except in which to catch
minnows. only called attention to
this to clear up the minds Of some gen.
tlemen who have not been here very
long, and did not know the value OF
creek"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07
Senators as "Sad Sea Dogs"

A number of senators who went to
Panama in the holiday recess had
some trying experiences en- route.
They were aboard the yacht Dolphin,
one of the first vessels constructed
for the new navy, and which, for a
number of years, has been used as
the secretarya yacht. In the party
were Senators Carter and Dixon of
Montana, Penrnse and Oliver of Penn
sylyania, Clark Of Wyoming, and Hey
burn of Idaho. They saw a lot to in
terest them, but they had one nerve
racking experience. To hear them tell
of it, they encountered one of the
greatest storms Old Neptune has
kicked up in a long while. Waves
were 40 feet high, they say.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-05-07

Investigations became the fashion. 1t
has been officially declared to be true
by no less an authority than the sec
rotary of agriculture himself, backed
by others less renowned.
In order to ascertain to their own
satisfaction whether this were so, ana
If so, why, the men composing the
chamber of commerce organized them
selves into an Investigating commit
tee, and after interviewing each other
somewhat extensively as to the prices
that they charged for the necessities
and the luxuries of life. they came to
the conclusion-all of them being bust
ness men-that the business men OF
Washington were not guilty OF con-
tributing to the high cost OF living.
Nevertheless, they agreed that the
cost of living in Washington had In
creased alarmingly in the last ten
years. They had nothing to do with
it, however, for they agreed that the
causes were not local. but found their
root in the great producing and dis
tributing centers of the country. More
over, they decided that cold storage
of food products had some influence
on the cost of living; wherefore they
agreed that congress should enact
remedial legislation regulating the cold
storage of food products, limiting the
period of storage Of certain things and
perhaps restricting the operations OF
the cold storage companies to strict
ly warehouse business. This is all
very flattering to the business men OF
Washington. and in accordance with
what the cold storage men themselves
ask for, but the humble consumer IS
at loss to account for some things
that come under his notice.
For instance, certain careful house
wife, whose husband is prosperous
enough to be able to afford not only
the necessities, but even the luxuries
of life at the present prices, ordered
from her butcher some tenderloin OF
beef. The bill accompanying the de-
livery caused her to open her eyes
wide. She went to the telephone, and
ringing up her butcher, suggested that
the price of 80 cents pound must be
an error. He blandly assured her that
the price was very reasonable.
Why" he said, that costs me SO
cents
Well" replied the lady, that would
be profit of 60 per cent. Why, call
that too much. can go down to the
market and buy tenderloin at % cents
a pound
DESTROYS of ascertaining whether
Ler particular butcher was more ex-
pensive than others in a fashionable
locality, she inquired the price of ten.
derloin in another butchers stall. and
was told that it was 81 a pound. She
then went to the market and succeed
ed in buying the same thing at 25
cents a pound.
It is not intended to give the i'm
preston that such range of prices
exists in all commodities in Washing
ton. but this is presented as a true in
cident, and helps to explain why those
who are compelled to spend portion
OF the year in Washington leave the
city with depleted pocket books and
signs of genuine relief.