Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-04-15
~O0oooooo~


The Vicar-Now, children, what is
false doctrine? Inspired Maiden
Please. sir. bad medicine.
IVY don't you reduce der price on
does all-vool suits?" Vat! Vos you
crazy? Vid cotton so high?"-Puck.
Young Woman (adoringly)-It must
be awfully nice to be wise and know
-oh-everything! College Student
It is.
What did you say last night when
Jack asked you to marry htm?" 81
shook my head" Sideways or up and
DOWN."
She-How did you know l was go
ing to wear my hair curled this even
ing? He-I saw 1t in the papers this
morning.
First Fair Invalid-Which kind Of
doctor do you prefer-the allopathic
or the homeopathic? Second Fair In
valid-I prefer the sympathetic.
Bobbie Ito Featherstone)-Did you
know that you were a relative of ours?
Featherstone-Since when? Mother
says you are our weak brother"
Boy-A man came in and said he
wanted to squeeze some money ont ~
you. Boss-What did you tell him?
Boy-I said was sorry you weren't
In.
Kitty" said her mother rebuking-
ly, you must sit still when you are
at the table," II can't mamma" pro-
tested the little girl, I'm a fidge-
tarian."
"On what ground, madam, do you
desire divorce from your husband?"
"Intolerable cruelty; he put the date
of my birth in the family Blble."-
Chicago News.
What Q bad toothache you've got"
mo; but I'm calling on the dentist for
the money he owes me, and this is the
only way can get into his house,
Fliegende Blatter.
Women vote! Never, sir, with my
consent" "why not% What! And
have my wife losing thirty-dollar hats
to other women on the election!"-
Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Newbride = Boohoo! Henry
threw a biscuit at me. One that I
made myself, too Mother-The mon
ster! He might have killed you.-
United Presbyterian.
How much does it cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. THAT
depends entirely on how long you
live" replied the sad-looking man.
Philadelphia Record.
isn't your hat rather curious In
shape?" asked the uniformed man.
Certainly" answered his wife. 1t has
to be. Any hat that wasn't curious In
shape would look queer"
The Girl (rather weary, at 1880 p.
m IL don't know thing about base
ball. The Beau-Let me explain 1t to
you. The Girl-very well, give me an
illustration Of home run.
Lottie-Is your young minister 80
very, very fascinating? Hattie-Fas-
cinating! Why, lots of girls in our
church have married men they hated.
just to get one kiss from the rector
after the ceremony-Puck.
Chumpleigh-well, my dear. 1 had
my life insured for $4,000 to-day. Mrs.
Chumpleigh-I'm glad you did, John.
Now you won't have to be so careful
about lodging street cars and auto
mobiles.-Chicago Daily News.
"The American eagle" said the ora
tor, "knows no fear" YES" replied
Mr.. Sirius Barker, "the American eagle
is mighty lucky. Any bird that isn't
good enough to eat has a right to con-
gratulate itself these days."-Washing.
ton Star.
Physician-Have you any aches OF
pains this morning? Patient-Yea
doctor; It hurts me to breathe; in fact,
the only trouble now seems to be with
my breath. Physician-All right. III
give you something that will soon stop
that.-Boston Globe.
Aunt Spinsterly-I hope that your
opinions uphold the dignity Of our sex
Mamie. and that you believe that every
woman should have votef Mamie
I don't go quite so far as that, auntie
but l believe that every woman should
have a voter!-Human Life.
Modern Girl-Father, long to be in
dependent-to rely upon my own exer
tions for support. What trade or pro
fession would you recommend? Wise
Father-First class cooks made $4,000
year. Modern grill don't like cook
ing. It's too feminine!-New Yorh
Weekly.
Lady-You say, professor. that to
l. - o,l a. 4h1ngbf opd ottv,