Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06


| The best we get is Stofer and the water
melon song.
We will have to dine on toothpcks and q
napkin by and by,
Unless we get chance to get finger IT
the pie
Back From Elba to Be Speaker.
About the time the dinner was well un
der way a speakers rostrum was placed
in the center Of the room and a member
of the club, made up to represent Col
Roosevelt. took his place and. after call
ing the assemblage to order with a gavel
was evident that he intended to give ar
imitation of Col. Roosevelt as Speaker
of the House Of Representatives.
II lust that no representative of the
capitaistic press sitting above me In the
press gallery was in the way of the
now he said. THAT reminds me that
/ will see the members of the press in
the Speakers room Immediately after ad-
journnnent.
."The sergeant-at- arms will clear the
aisles If he wants assistance let him
call on me.
I'm this connection the chair wishes
to announce that he has appointed Mr.
Seth Bullock of South Dakota, Mr. Bat
| Masterson of New York, Mr.. John Aber-
| fries of California as special employees OF
| the House. They will assist the SER
geant-at-arms when not serving as clerks
to the Speakers desk.
1.-THE chaplain Is granted unanimous
consent to print his prayer in the Record
Yes, the chair hears the objection OF
the gentleman from Ohio in evening
clothes, but the chair will refuse te
| recognize any gentleman who Is not prop.
eTly attired.
s.The gentleman from Illinois will kind
| ~ take his seat. The chair will remind
| the gentleman from Illinois that the gen
tleman from Illinois is not the Speaker
| Of the House at the present moment.
THE chair will remind the democratic
| side of the House and the galleries tina,
demonstrations of approval or disapprOva
are contrary to the rules of the House
What we want is silence, and mighty lit
| tie of that
| After witty monologue, touching III
| men and measures in Congress, thu
speaker said:
| The chair has just received a request
to go to the White House. The gentle
man from New York, MIR. Parsons. will
| kindly act as presiding officer until the
| chair returns
1.-The chair wishes to say for the benefit
| of the House that the chair will no,
tolerate any executive interference. Fur.
thermore, the chair will inform the House
| that if that old plan of having the caucus
determining what the Speaker and the
committee on rules shall do is sprung
on him the dignity of the Speaker will
be suitable maintained.
IF necessity arises the presiding officer
will be able to communicate with the
Speaker by calling Main. No. g." lthe
White House phone)
"Uncle Joe's" Cabin.
| The insurgent situation in the House OF
| Representative was travested in a skit
entitled Uncle Joe's Cabin: or, Life
Among the Insurgents A red-headed
slave leading a little girl by the hand
entered the room. 1t was Uncle Tom
Murdoch and Little Eva" Parsons. Lit
| ale Eva" was much moved with emotion
but Uncle Tom" treasured her.
Don't you be askeered. Use goin' to
| heaven where they amt no rules and
they amt no Speaker; whar every insur-
gent kin talk all he wants to and git
into the papers every mornin'.
lover yonder there's land where
| they'll take us as seriously as we take
ourselves, and we're goin' there, Missy
| Eva. goin there to that land where reg
| ulars cease from troublin' an tn hot all
| flows so free"
The crack of bull whip announced the
presence of another. 1t was Simon
Legree.
whats all this: Who are you and
who's the skirt?''
.Massa, Use Uncle Tom Murdoch an
| this is Little Eva Parsons. Yves in
surgents.''
insurgents, Ell? Well, do you know
| who l am" I'm Simon Legree Dwight,
| whip of the House. and here's my whip
Back to the caucAs for yours
"Massa. Is an insurgent, an ! can't GO
back
Cant go back? Well, I'll show you
See that hand? It's all calloused holding
up post offices you fellows want. You be-
long to me"
| the democrats. but the patronage belongs
TO Taft
Then came in four slaves, who declared
| that they were also insurgents. They
were Sambo Gussie Gardner. Quimbo
Lemroot Pompey Hayes. and Adolph
Norris, real insurgents. They were fol-
| lowed by another dread figure, whose ap-
pearance caused CONSERVATION among the
slaves.
A member of the club, presenting a
very lifelike impersonation of Uncle Joe
Cannon, announced himself:
MY name is Marks, the Speaker. I'm
| car. In the last analysis. by the AL
mighty, the majority rules, and I'm the
who isn't with me is irregular Kick
them in the stats. If vote twenty
two democrats to get a rule through it's
politics, but II anybody else does it's
treason"
He got off few slams on the lnsur-
gents and references to recent events in
the House. and then 1t was proposed
to auction off the slaves. block was
provided, Simon Legree rounded them up
with the bull whip. the auctioneer step
ped forward, and the sale commenced
A representative of the democracy.
Capt Butt, for the White House, and
Marks. the Speaker, were the bidders.
But demand was slack, bidding was slow
and nobody seemed to want the in
surgents.
Finally Marks, the Speaker declared
he would give 500 for the lot. They
were about to be knocked down to him
when Secretary Carpenter rushed In with
White House. Patronage had been re-
stored to the insurgents and the slaves
were free.
Fooled cried Marks, the Speaker,