davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
BETZVHI-E TALES
Orone M'DoobLe and His Stone Uncle
@By Ellis Darker BuHefd
E8 Author of"Piqs is Pigs Etc @3
ILLUSTRATED BY PETER NEWELL

mans money, and sat In 1t all day.
the stone uncle simply spun around.
All Orone had to do was rig gear on
him. When the gear was properly
oiled the stone uncle made over six
hundred revolutions minute. He
probably broke all records for stone
uncles.
An ordinarily mean man would have
been satisfied with that. but Orone
was too grasping. When the miller
put in extra mill stones Orone con-
tracted to furnish an extra horse-pow-
er for eighty cents day, but 1t put
too great strain on the stone uncle
1t was all right to run him up to his
full capacity. but even stone uncle
gets too much II he Is over-crowded,
and one morning a couple of days ago
the stone uncle broke in two. Orone
tinkered at him little, but he soon
saw that he could not fasten the stone
uncle together we'll enough to revolve
evenly. SO he called on Billy Farms
dod to do the splicing. He said that.
Of course. he did not have many jobs
of that sort, but 1t was all In the way
Of business. and he did the best he
could, but after a couple of days Orone
came back and said the splice had
loosened and wanted his money back
Billy told him to produce the stone
uncle, and that II the splice was really
loose he would re-splice Uncle Hiram,
but Orone would not do 1t. He de-
manded his money. That made Billy
angry. and he told the whole thing to
Uncle Ashdod Clootz. and that was
the same thing as printing 1t in the pa
per. A committee OF everybody in
Betzvllle called on Orone and dug up
the stone uncle, and it just showed
what liar Orone was, for the splice
was all right. and Uncle Hiram was
revolving perfectly.
The committee took action at once.
and threw Orone out of the automo-
bile, and ungeared Uncle Hiram. and
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
EPIDEMIC OF ITCH IN WELSH
VILLAGE

"In Dowlais, South Wales, about If
teen years ago. families were strick-
en- Wholesale by disease known as
the itch. Believe me, 1t Is the most
terrible disease of its kind that I
know of. as 1t itches all through your
body and makes your life an inferno.
Sleep is out Of the question and you
feel as II a million mosquitoes were
attacking you at the same time.
knew a dozen families that were so
affected.
1.-The doctors did their, best, but
their remedies were of no avail what
ever. Then the families tried drug
gist who was noted far and wide for
his remarkable cures. People came
to him from all parts of the country
for treatment, but his medicine made
matters still worse, as a last resort
they were advised by a friend to use
the Cuticura Remedies. am glad to
tell you that after few days treat.
ment with Cuticura Soap, Ointment
and Resolvent. the effect was wonder
full and the result was a perfect cure
in all cases.
II may add that my three brothers,
shree sisters, myself and all our fam
lilies have been users OF the Cuticura
Remedies for fifteen years. Thomas
Hugh, 1850 West Huron St, Chicago.
ILL.,. June %. 1909"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
BRIGHT OUTLOOK FOR HARRY
Lucky Bridegroom Had So Many Of
His Wife Relatives to "Run In"
at Any Time.

1T isn't as IL the dear child was 60
Ing away off in some remote place far
from oil her relatives and friends"
said the brides mother to the caller
who had run ip the day after the we'd
ding to have second look at the
presents.
You see. she is going to live right
here, 30 near US that I can run in
every day. and her sister. May. will
live just across the street and will
be running in every day, and her
grandmother lives Just around the cor
ner, SO she can run in every day, and
her Aunt Maria lives only four blocks
up the street, SO she can run in every
day, and her Aunt Harriet lives SO
near that she will probably be running
In every day. and she has half dozen
other aunts and cousins right here In
town who will be running in at any
time; but of course 1t will be little
hard on poor Harry, for all of his
people live miles and miles from here,
and the dear boy hasn't relative to
run in, yet with SO many of Mays
relatives to run in the boy can't be
very lonesome-dear, good boy!"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

One of the most cruel cases of heart.
iessness ever known in Betzville has
lust come to light, and several Of our
most distinguished citizens have
Joined to write Black Hand letter to
Cousin Orone McDooble. advising him
to move into the next county or take
the consequences. We think he will
move.
About eight years ago Hiram Nc
Doodle died. and he was continuous
ly mad from the time the automobile
passed across him until he breathed
his last. He always had hated auto
mobiles, but when one ran over him
1t acted as the last straw that breaks
the cancels back, and he called his
nephew Orone to him, and told him
that II ever Orone dared get into one
of the ALFRED things he would turn
over in his grave. Then he died as
comfortably as possible, and Orcne
buried him In the Old Grove cemetery.
and took charge of the old mans prop
erty, as any sole survivor should.
But this spring the Betzville alder
men decided to extend Main street
right on through the Old Grove ceme-
terry, and they notified Orone that
Uncle Hiram was blocking the street.
They told Orone to come and get him.
So Orone went out. and when he got
there he was very much surprised,
for Uncle Hiram had turned to stone.
Probably something in the soil did It.
although Uncle Hiram had always
had stony heart, and that might
course he wasn't granite. exactly. but
he was pretty stony-about like soap
stone, l should say.
The minute Orone saw his late uncle
his eyes glittered with an avaricious
light, and we made up our minds
Orone was going to be mean enough
to tote his uncle around the country
and show him off as a petrified man.
but he didn't. Instead of that he took
him home and planted him again, un-
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Saving Time.

The family was to leave on the two
o'clock train from Broad street station,
so the mother was all in furry as
she hurried the children in a certain
West Philadelphia home.
Now, children. get everything ready
before luncheon" she said. Don't
leave everything until the last min
ute."
And the children said they wouldn't.
Luncheon ended, they hurried into
their wraps and started. In the hall
the mother said:
Edward, you didn't brush your
teeth"
Yes. ma'am, I did"
But you couldn't" she said. "you
didn't have time. Why you just got
up from the table"
Il know that" said Edward; "but we
were in such a hurry brushed them
before l e."-Philadelphia Times.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

der an apple tree near the barn, and
that did surprise us, for II there was
ever a grasping man Orone was that
man, and 1t did not seem like him to
allow stone uncle to go to waste
that way. But 1t lust shows that COM
mon people can't even guess how
mean man can be. We hadn't the
least idea what Orone was up to, al.
though we should have guessed it. for
1t was the most natural thing for a
mean man to do with stone uncle
like Uncle Hiram.
The first thing Orone did was to buy
an old, busted automobile, and he paid
for 1t with some of the money Uncle
Hiram had left We thought that was
odd in Orone, because he never spent
a cent unless he had to. but the next
thing we heard of was stranger still.
motor on his place, and was using 1t
to run all the working implements
on his place. He used 1t to run the
grindstone. and the churn and the corn
shelter the cider mill and the
pump, and then he ran a transmission
belt across to the flour mill and rented
power to the miller. He got dollar
and sixty cents a day from the miller
for it. And Orone would Just sit back
in his busted automobile and smile
and do nothing, He never moved tha
automobile an inch. Just sat in it as
If 1t were throne.
We would never have guessed his
wickedness If Billy Farnsdod, the
blacksmith, hadn't happened to men
tion that he had mended Orone's uncle
Hiram. Then we found out the whole
thing. 1t seems that Orone knew his
uncle Hiram was man of his word.
and could be trusted to do what he
said he would do, and that If he said
he would turn over in his grave he
would do 1t. So Orone bought the
automobile and sat in 1t and Uncle
Hiram turned over. If Orone merely
sat in some other mans automobile
the chances are that Uncle Hiram
would have turned over once and that
he would have been satisfied with that
one turn. but when Orone bought an
automobile and bought it with the old
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Real EARLY RisIna.

Farmer Brown and Farmer Jones
were near neighbors, and many a dis
pute took place as to who was the ear.
lier riser Both maintained that each
excelled the other.
One day Farmer Brown determined
to put the subject to test. Rising very
early one morning. about two O'Clock,
he proceeded to visit his friend. Great
was his establishment when he saw
Mrs. Jones hanging out the clothes in
the garden.
Farmer Jones about?" he asked.
We'll" replied the lady, "he was
the first part of the mornin', but
dunno where he be now"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Childish Inference.

Little Julia was taking her after
noon walk with her mother. Her at
tention was attracted for the first time
to a large church edifice on one of the
street corners.
"Oh, mother!" she exclaimed
whose nice big house is that?'
"That, Julia, is Gods house." e1
planned the mother.
Some time later 1t happened that
the child was again taken by the
church, this time on Sunday evening
when services were in progress
Julia, noticing the brilliantly lighted
windows, drew her own conclusions.
"Oh, look, mother" she called out
"God must be having party"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
eiaantIe Trust eeaun.

In the construction of the Asbokan
reservoir in the Catskills more than
100000 cubic yards of earth must be
spread in six-inch layers, moistened
and rolled, eventually forming a dam
800 feet high in places and four miles
long, and this work Is being done by
steam rollers, which is the first time
they have been employed for such
work. These machines have corrugat-
ed front rolls and cross-cleats on the
rear rolls. so as thoroughly to knead
the moist earth, and each covers the
work done by 80 men, dozen teams
and galloway, and is guaranteed
against breakdown in continuous work
for seven years,
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Among the resolutions adopted by
the Retail Grocers' Association at
Fort Collins was one indorsing a'state
Sunday closing law; urging corpora
tions to accept assignment of wages
of employees; barring wholesalers
from selling to consumers; urging the
United States government to investi-
gate the increased cost of living;
calling upon the representatives in
Congress to defeat the parcels post;
pledging assistance to railroads and
express companies to prevent pilfer-
ing of goods in transit; indorsing the
administration of Pure Food Commits
sioner Cannon; favoring home indus
tries in the buying and using of home
products. and putting food and pro-
visions for the sick in the first claims
on estates.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Why does Great Britain buy III
oatmeal of us7

Why does Great Britain buy lts
oatmeal Of us7
Certainly 1t seems like carrying
Goals to Newcastle to speak of export
ing oatmeal to Scotland and yet. every
year the Quaker Oats Company sends
hundreds Of thousands of cases OF
Quaker Oats to Great Britain and
Europe.
The reason Is simple; while the
English and Scotch have for centuries
eaten oatmeal in quantities and with a
regularity that has made them the
most rugged physically, and active
mentally of all people. the American
has been eating oatmeal and trying all
the time to improve the methods Of
manufacture SO that he might get that
desirable foreign trade.
How well he has succeeded would
be seen at a glance at they export re-
ports oof Quaker Oats. This brand is
recognized as without rival In clean
illness and delicious flavor. 81
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Whlakaea.

A Roman poet told Of the pride one
of the late Caesars took in his great
whiskers. On some of the wildwood
Hill Billies l have seen boards some
feet long, switch OF the loose ends
hanging out from under the waistcoat.
Others braided the growth and tied 1t
around the neck, while still -others
braided 1t around the waist. tying 1t
behind like apron strings. One told
me he combed and plated his every
night. and put 1t away into long
linen bag or nightgown. SO as to keep
1t from getting all tangled up with his
wife and his feet.-New York Press.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

laid him on the grass temporarily,
but while they were discussing how
to fix It so that Orone couldn't make
Uncle Hiram revolve any more, Orone
suddenly jumped into the automobile.
and the stone uncle Immediately be-
gan revolving at the rate of about
four thousand revolutions minute.
He revolved out Of tho yard in less
than a second and minute later he
saw him disappear over the hill and
by the time we could yank. Orone out
of the automobile Uncle Hiram was
beyond recovery.
Copyright. 1909. by, W. g. Chapman.l
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
500 Reward, $IOO.

The readers OF this paper will be pleased to Learn
that there at least one dreaded disease that seence
has been able TO In all Its stages. and that n
Catarrh. Halls catarrh Cure ts the only positive
cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh
being constitutional disease. requires a constitu-
tional treatment. Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken In
ternally acting directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces Of the system. thereby destroying the
foundation Of the disease. and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution and assist
ing nature In doing its work. The proprietors have
much faith In its curative powers that they offer
One Hundred Dollars for any case that II falls u
cure Send for list of testimonials
Address F. j. CHENEY CO. Toledo. o.
Sold by all DrugRists 75c.
TAke HAlls Family Pills for constipation.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Her WEIGHT INCREASED
FROM 100 TO I4O POUNDS.
Wonderful Praise Accorded
Peruna the Household Remedy

Mrs. Maria Goertz, orienta, Okla
homa, writes:
"Niy husband, children and myself
have used your medicines, and we Al
ways keep them in th- house in case of
necessity. was restored to health by
this medicine, and DR.. Hartman's In
valuable advice and books. People ask
about me from different places, and arc
surprised that can do all Of my house,
work alone, and that I was cured by the
doctor of chronic catarrh. My husband
was cured of asthma, my daughter of
earache and catarrh of the stomach, and
my son OF catarrh of the throat. When
! was sick weighed 100 pounds; now
weigh 14O.
"Ihave regsined my health again, and
cannot thank you enough for your
advice. May God give you . long life
and bless your work."
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Mrs. Elizabeth Robinson of Casper,
who a year ago was sentenced to four
years in the penitentiary for grand
larceny, but gave an appeal bond and
has since been at liberty, has been
granted new trial by the state Su-
preme Court, which reversed the find
ing of the lower court on technical
tiles. Mrs Robinson was convicted OF
the theft of sealskin coat from an
other woman.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

The Senate passed with minor
amendments the bill which had passed
the House providing for extension OF
time in establishing residence on
homestead entries in Colorado. Wyom-
ing, New Mexico. Nebraska, North ana
South Dakota, Idaho and Montana.
The bill provides that when the period
in which residence Is to be established
expired December list, an extension
shall be granted until May Is, 1910.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
A Chance at Least.

A change of tenors had been made
in the church choir. Eight-year-old
Jessie, returning from, the morning
service. was anxious to tell the news.
"Oh, mother" she exclaimed, I'VE have
a new terror in the choir. WON.
ans Home Companion.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

were pains in my back and swellings
of the ankles. Often I had smother
ing spells. had to be helped about
Doan's Kidney Pills cured me five
years ago and have been well since.
They saved my life"
Remember the name-Doan's. For
sale by all dealers. SO cents a box.
Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
A Modest Doctor.

While on his vacation, city doctor
attended the Sunday morning service
at little country church. When the
congregation was dismissed several
of the members shook hands with
him, and one. wishing to learn if he
were Methodist, inquired: Are
you a professor, brother?"
"Oh, no, indeed" answered the
physician. modestly; "just an ordinary
doctor.'-Lippincott
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Real Estate.

"see here. you swindler." exclaimed
the suburban property owner, when
you sold me this house you said that
In three months l wouldn't part with
1t for $1O,O0O.'
We'll, you haven't, have your" de-
manded the real estate man.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Immense Blasting Operations.

To get rock for the Morena dam in
southern California, one of the biggest
blasting operations on record has Just
been successfully carried out. A tun.
mel 1876 feet long was first driven into
the face of the granite. In this cham
ber was placed 3S.950 pounds of pow.
der and dynamite. This was exploded
by electric fuses. and dislodged 12O,.
900 cubic yards of rock.-Engineering
Record.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Two stockmen came In from the
plains to buy some steers and when
shown a rough bunch, one said:
Them amt nuthin' but horns and
tails" The second man drawled out:
''Yes. and somebody has wen. and cut
the horns off," But that is another
tale
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

At the January meeting of the Colo
RADIO State Ophthalmological Society
in Colorado Springs, movement was
started to bring about the systematic
inspection of the eyes Of school chill
dren in this state by expert ocuiists.
The members regard as superficial
the new state law requiring inspection
of school children's eyes, since no pro-
fessional inspection is required by the
measure.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Free 10 Our Readers.

Write Murine Eye Remedy Co., chica-
Write all about Your Eye Trouble and
they will advise as to the Proper .Appl!-
cation of the Murine Eye Remedies in
tell you that Murine Relieves Sore Eyes,
Strengthens Weak Eyes. Doesn't Smart.
Soothes Eye Pain. and sells for 6Oc. Try
II IA Your Eyes and In Baby's Eyes for
Scaiy EyelIds and Granulation.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
SIioht Error.

Nevertheless" said the young
Roman, "he is an ambitious poet. He
would serve the muses. all his life"
But" replied his elder. "he makes
the mistake of supposing that Bac-
chus is one of the muses..
Standard and Times.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

troubles. Doan's Kid
ney Pills cure the
cause. Mrs. N. E.
G r a v e 8, Villisca,
Iowa. says: II suf.
fered from kidney
trouble for years.
The secretions were
dis0rdared 1 b q r q
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Latest In simplIfled spe,,Ino

A coal miner in southern Ohio. who
couldn't read nor write, recently re-
ceived his pay envelope at the new
mine. All that was written on 1t was
mo. 16"
The miner looked at the writing for
a long time. then exclaimed. That's a
new way to spell George Primrose, I
reckon."-Judge.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
JUST THE SAME.
WHY PEOPLE SUFFER.

Too often the kidneys are the cause
and the sufferer is not aware of 1t.
Sick kidneys bring backache and side
pains. lameness and stiffness, dizzl-
ness. headaches, tired feeling, urinary
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

A man named Snow living out in
the foothills was made father few
days ago. and he sent this announce
ment to the local paper: "A little
Snow drifted into my house last
night"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Lacrosse is to be substituted for
baseball at Carlisle Indian school. We
believe lacrosse is the game in which
the players, instead of the umpires.
are killed.-Denver Republican.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

We are not to blame because you suffer
from Rheumatism or Neuralgia, but you
are if you do not try Hamlins Wizard
pain, soreness and inflammation.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Josh Billings says: II love a roos-
ter for tew things-one is the krow
that is in him. and the other is the
spurs that are on him to back up his
krow with"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
No Room for Aroumen,

Clara-Tom tried to kiss me at the
ball last night.
Maude-You don't say!
Clara-Yes. But I think he had
been drinking.
Maude-Oh. I'm sure be had.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinins Tnbleti
Druggl lsi refund money II it fails To cure. u. VI
GROVES signature IL on each box. Xc
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Extremes meet when the hairdress
er Is introduced to the chiropodist.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

In the next century: How insult
ferably vain Topham is" "Yes. his
grandfather saw the first aeroplane."
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

DAVIS PAINKILLER
| tickling throat warn you that annoying cold
threatens At all druggists In 5c, sc and c bottles
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teething softens tho gurus, reduces in
Damn aton aIlays palm cures wind colo. sc bottle
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

He: Your husband couldn't scare
me out of this lawsuit any more than
he could fly.
She: Sir, my husband has Just
bought a new Wright machine.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Important to Mothere,

Occasionally girl discovers that
the young man after her own heart
isn't after 1t at all.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

The world delights in sunny people
The old are hungering for love NOR
than for bread.-Drummond.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
GOING UP!

you haven't any work now?"
mo, I'm just waiting. began by
opening cab doors. Then opened the
doors OF motor cars. Now I'm waiting
till the aeroplanes are ready"
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

The charity of some men consists OF
willingness to pass the hat.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Low shoes and high heels may be
extremes.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

FOR DEEP SEATED COLDS and coughs.
Aliens = Lung Bdisdn when NIL other remedies
fall. This old reliable medicine has been sold for
over " years &c, 5Oc, 81 % bottles. All Dealers
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

One fisherman ought to believe the
stories of another, but he seldom does.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Tho Usual WAY.

Tho Usual Way.
Smith-Did the lawyer get anything
out OF your unce's estate?
Jones-Get anything? He got 1t all.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Occasionally the human race is run
over the course of true love.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Men who have advice to give are
never stingy with 1t.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
Bad Breath

''For months had great trouble With my
stomach and used al1.kinds of medicines.
My tongue has been actually as green a.
grass, my breath having a bad odor. Two
weeksago friend recommended Cascarets
and after using them can willingly and
cheerfully say that they have entirely
cured me. I therefore let you know that
shall recommend them to any one suffer.
ing from such troubles. ''-Chas. H. Hal
perm, ia E. 9TH ST.. New York, N. Y.
CUT THIS OUT, mail It with your ad-
dress to Sterling Remedy Company. Chi
cago, Illinois. and receive a handsome
souvenir gold Bon Bon FREE. Us
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Just think what a boon the airship
will be to eloping couples!
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

There's nothing as cheap as a cheap
man.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

PAZO OINTMENT $ guaranteed to cure any case
NJ Itching, Blind, Bleeding Protruding Piles In
ito il days money refunded. 60e.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28

Even woman's club isn't expected
to hit what 1t aims at.
The Springfield herald., 1910-01-28
RELIABLE {: PROMPT

Gold. 75c: Gold and Sill
yer. 800: Gold. silver
Gold and Silver refined
for free mailing sacks.
1885 Court Place. Dem