University Missourian. [volume] (Columbia, Mo.) 1908-1916, 1910-12-05
Jonathan Swif.

Will tue OLHeT uallu, as tHe tram made
a sudden lurch around a curve. See
where Mr.. Millions recently died from
slight surgical operation and left
his entire fortune for the advancement
Of surgery. Just like Swift He went
crazy and left fortune to found \
hospital for idiots and lunatics.
Ever hear about Jonathan" he
asked. stacking and lighting long.
stemmad pipe which he had taken
from his coat pocket, and then receiv-
ing neither alternatives or neg lt.ves
he continued: Swift was an Irish
man, born in Dublin about 1861. His
mother was widow ard he was de-
pendent on richer relatives for every
thing he got. He spent some years in
an English college, from when he
was discharged for dullness and In
capability. but later on he settled
down and carried off degree at Ok
ford Had an awful ungovernab.e
temper and when one of his kind
relatives took him in to board and
room and gave him position as pri-
vate secretary, ne quarrel5d with him
and decided that he would eDter the
ministry. He succeeded in landing a
little parish over in Ireland but the
pay was poor and he soon repented
and came back to work for Uncle.
This uncle was lord. Or earl, or some
high man in the land, and under him
Swift had chance to study political
questions. When the old gentleman
died, he published some of his opin-
ions and attracted so much attention
that he was given few minor politi-
cal posts. But Jonathan still had the
bug that he wanted to preach, and
when he couldn't get them to give
him anything in the minister's line he
threw UP his jobs and took hold of
another little church. He wasn't
much OF success at eXpounding the
gospel, SO he began to write articles
for the newspapers about political
questions.
Ever read his Tale of Tub?'" he
quizzed, as we all settled lower behind
our own papers Great piece of sat
ire. Well, as l was saying, this ar
ticle again brought him into favor
with the political bosses and l., then
'began turning out few literary con-
tributlons. He attacked the church,
which did not hold his religious creeds
and which was just then runnings
things generally in England, estab-
lished journal which he called the
Examiner" whose purpose was to ex;
anime and comment on the acts of the
governing party. and became such a
great man that he seemed for a time
to hold the entire power of the Eng
lish press in his hands and to control
the people by the point of his pen.
Whenever he had anything pressing
to say he would run off and distribute
pamphlets among the people These
usually consisted of attacking the op-
posite political party and the church.
to which he had an aversion, and it
was mostly through his writings that
the party of which he was member
came into control.
When this happened Swift was re-
warded by being made Dean of st. |
Patrick's, over in Dublin, Ireland. The
folks at home did not feel so proud of |
his accomplishments and they treated
him coolly, but his party soon called
him back to England to help them out |
of scrape they had got into. He |
went back. wrote various articles for |
the different journals. and then in ex-
pressing his own personal views fell |
out with his former political allies and |
fed back TO church duties at Dublin. |
A man couldn't say anything he |
pleased in those days. If the people |
had disliked to see him in their COM
munity the first time, they now hated |
to read his name in the directory, and |
he was summed and left alone"
Some one ought to cut the head
lines out of his Daily muttered the
man on my right.
Bet he sells you sure corn ex-
tinguisher." vouchsafed a second.
But right there was where they
didn't know our man." continued the
tormentor. Swift was not swift in
name only. He established himself in
the community by marrying an old
sweetheart and by paying attentions
to another whom he fooled into be-
lievirg he was yet single. This ar
rangement finally terminated with
dramatic climax and Jonathan settled
down to look for more excitement.
He had always had a fierce hatred
fnY Sr,f,, IL