davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
SHINE ON MEMS TROUSERS.
Hears In Simple Re-
quest Primitive Song OF Humanity.


PHILOSOPHERS Hears In simple Re-
quest Primitive Song OF Humanity.
Prom the Newark News.
Mr.. Editor; kindly answer the following IN the
Evening News and o5lige: What will take the
shine OF mems TROUSERS Yours truly
INTERESTED.
Readers. d. not smile In this letter IS
q strain Of the plaintive song that human
fly has been singing ever since Adam
went out looking for the first job. Eve
sang such a song, and Ruth, and Lots
wife. and Jobs wife, and the mother Of
Moses. and Bathsheba, and Elizabeth,
and Martha All OF the billions Of women
who have kept house on earth have sung
this song, and song Of poverty and self
denial and makeshift What will keep
the wolf from the door? What will keep
the outgo within the income? What viii
take the shine off mems trousers? From
creation 10 resurrection, the same old
question. Taken as a symbol OF universal
need. this inquiry is no more ludicTous
than the sob OF an evicted mother, or the
wall Of her starving baby It's eight
words comprise a complete octave. and
all other OCtaVes on the human keyboard
are its counterparts. The Socialist thun-
ders in heavy bass Let me share the
wealth that I create" In treble the So
cial climber calls, How can | buy an
automobile next summer" II is the
same tune, with variations, the world
over.
II would not be so sad a tune II the
men would sing It with the women. But
the men won't. Eve must live face 10
face with Il from sunrise to sunset. and
it awaits her the next morning as fresh
and as vivid as ever. Adam does all he
] can for the family and then the task is
| Ewes she must take whatever he can
do and do everything with that The
woman sees the shine spreading day by
/ day. and. brooding over it. she seizes
some rare moment Of fdleness 10 write to
the editor. What will take the shine OF
mems trousers2" No man would write
such a query as that The handwriting
/ IN the letter open here on the editor s
/ desk is a woman's,
If the editor knew Of anything that
would take the shine of trousers he
would patent il and retire 10 enjoy the
rich profits arising 20 him from that new
/ burden On the monopoly-ridden world
But there is nothing IN the universe that
viii perform the work desired As well
/ ask for a recipe for restoring the crimson
! blush to the faded rose There is nothing
/ that will take the shine of trousers. and
/ Il is right that this should be so. After
/ grandmother, through years Of toll ant
! care. has earned her beautiful wrinkles
/ would IL be smart or truthful or kind q
paint her dear old face with some magic
! skin preparation and give her the look:
/ Of a girl OF twenty We are proud OF il.
/ outward signs. This is absurd and per
/ verse, and It is absurd and perverse to be
/ ashamed Of the shine on pair Of trou-
/ sers. II we would only look at things
/ rightly we should see that the more shine
/ on a pair Of trousers. the more honora-
/ bic they are
! When this worlds cares are over We
! expect to wear shining raiment through
! the rest Of eternity Why, then, should
/ We be ashamed Of shiny trousers now?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
THE INCOME TAX.
90. q wife whom I adore.

I've got a wife whom I adore,
She's quite a leader in her set
Her gowns she numbers BY the score,
Her hats ara quite the gwellest yet
That she's a picture there's no doubt.
Clad in her wealth Of sable sacks
And yet they talk to me about
An Income Taxi
I've got three hoys-theyrs bully kids
At college and at boarding school
Each one Of them, fancy, Tids
Me Of a thousand dollars cool
For things they cannot do without
Food. fun. and clothing fer their backs
And yet folks talk 10 me about
An Income Tax!
I have a handsome motor car.
And with 1t an expert chauffeur;
Wherever other motors are,
You'll find mine always de rigeur
Sometimes the tires so up the spout,
Sometimes the csrb1reter cracks
and yet they talk 10 me about
An Income Tax.
90 10 church. have my club.
stand for several charities;
I've many a checkbook with a stub
To show nv bent for such as these.
| do not ladle money cut,
But claimants for il are not lax
And yet they talk 20 me about
An Income Taxi
I ike 10 talk on topics neW;
/ Ike to talk Of many things
OF positics and skies Of blue.
OF polar ice and foolish kings.
I'm not AZ all a suTly lout.
But-well I've got a brand-nev az
For folks that talk to me about
An Income Tax
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Meaning of Creole.
the New YORK American.

From the New YORK American.
Creole does not mean negro" It is 4
term which. primarily, was used 10 denote
an inhabitant OF the Spanish colonies who
was descended from the original European
settlers. as distinguished from the abort
gines. the negroes. and the half breeds.
Il is now more loosely employed, the
name frequently being applied 10 natives
OF the West indies. whose descent is
partly, but not entirely, European, as, for
example, Creole negroes" There IS no
authority for such use OF the word, how
ever. The New Orleans "Creoles." for
example, are pure whites, Of Spanish OF
French extraction.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Bound to Make "A Sale.

From the Chicago TdgJne.
Wouldn't you like to try a bottle OF
my celebrated eye remedy? Only 20
cents"
NO; there's nothing whatever the mat
ter with my eyes"
We'll. it's equally good for removing
corns. As a corn remedy I sell it for
10 cents"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Mr.. STaun's Economy.

From the New York Evening Post
We wish that Representative Mann, of Illinois,
had been successful In cutting down the appropria-
ton for next years maneEers from S,S5O00O 70
$4,000 This he endeavored 70 do by an amend
ment to the army appropriation BILL but it was
voted down. In a year Of serious effort 10 reduce
governmental expenditure this was a good oppor-
tunity for saving
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
A LITTLE NONSENSE.

nv Nv AALADNA VA
She, as show girl. was sublime,
Had beauty and had grace.
OF course she spent a lot Of time
In making up her face.
She's in an Ibsen show to-day,
Has left the past behind;
And spends an hour before the play
In making up her mind.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

when a man doesn't like the organi-
cation, let him get out and organize an
organization Of his own" advises Mr..
Cannon We are not so sure about the
soundness of that suggestion, The De
mocracy appears 10 have proceeded on
that theory, and-weu, look at It.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

was successful, only the dodger ran into
a street car and killed himself and two
friends This appears TO be one of those
tragic stories that do not seem to teach
anybody anything in particular, however
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

These imaginary stories dealing with
my retirement are getting 10 be the reg
ular thing" says "Uncle joe Cannon.
Cheer up, Mr.. Speaker! The Hon. Tama
jim" Wilson is fourteen or forty-six laps
ahead of you yet
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Lord Salisbury admits that there are
a few black sheep in the House of Lords.
Senator JEFF Davis says the same thing
Of the United States Senate, only he re
fers to them more pieturesquely, per
haps. as "Speckled potatoes"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Henry Sydnor Harrison, editorial writer.
paTagrapher. and composer of the olev-
crest of clever verse, has retired vOiun-
tarily from the STAFF of the Richmond
Times-Dlspatch 20 engage IN distinctly
literary work This has long been his
ambition. and that he will succeed in
his undertaking goes without saying
among those who have followed his
splendid efforts OF late years.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

From the Philadelphia Press
Mr.. Piuchot viii find the advice TO say nothing
and saw wood" exceedingly hard TO take. He is
I'll adapted constitutionally 10 SAYING nothing and
to saw wood would be a violation Of the prin-
cipleB = conservation.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

The London Chronicle defines the Amer
lean slang expression PUNK to mean
a large sum Of money" Which viii i'm
press "a great many people as about the
size Of II. TOO.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
The President and Trusts

From the Norfolk Nirginian-Pll1t
Is it necessary for the prosperity Of the country
that the steel company should continue 20 exact
a proet Of nearly two hundred per cent on the
wares it sells at home? That Is the burning ques-
ton which Mr. Taft is lodging
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Giving Exhibits.

''The average poet doesn't know how
to turn his talents, to any practical ac-
count"
That's right Now some OF these forty
day fasters make good money at It."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

A raw-boned old skate named 'Dr.
Cook" won first money in q big race in
Florida the other day. The man who
named that plug has a fine sense of
humor running through him, anyway.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Kfdnapped. by Gum!

From the Cleveland LeadeT
Somebody stole a tweive-pound
turkey from my woodshed"
Gee! Have you got q mysterious note
yet, directing you TO leave $1,000 in a
hollow tree?"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Divorce IS much easier TO obtain IN
Japan, it is said, than In America. Sioux
Fails. Reno. and few other places. prob
ably never will be able TO understand how
that can be possible.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

"A Western minister says he has dis
covered that the devil is myth. says
the Atlanta Constitution Ii is fairly Ger
tain. however. that he will not summon a
lot of Eskimos to prove II.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Nr. Hitcheock,s warning.

From the Pit'sburs Dispatch.
Postmaster General Hitchcock has sent kilograms
10 Tennessee postmasters notifying them Of charges
Of offensive activity in politics. Yet there are per
sons who have doubted that political activity could
ever be offensive to Mr.. Hitchcock
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
The Speaker Drastic.

From the Springfield Republican.
All Of Mr., Caunou's utterances q late have in
dictated desire IN his part for drastic measures
against the Bryan Republicans " and the Cannon
spirit seems to control the organization.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

One of the problems still vexing the
souls of the football near-reformers is
how Il may be determined, without killing
him. whether a player has been over
trained or under-rained.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
A Clever Coup.

From the Kansas City Times.
II made s1S in ten minutes yesterday"
That was making money fast"
Yes, but It was hard work. I turned
down book agent"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Mr. KnOx's Plan.

From the Providence Journal
Secretary Knox's plan for the naturalization Of
the ManChuran railways is c 5ngularly admirable
oue-cp paper Few diplomatic schemes projected
within recent years have sounded better
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Mr. David Lloyd-George has been
dubbed the Theodore Roosevelt OF Eng
fish politics" That settles It. Mr.
Loyd-George cannot lose even if he
should try.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

From the New Orleans Picayune.
There can be no denying the fact that Gov.
Hugha5 message Is a powerful blow 70 The income
tax amendment. which has a rather rought row
% hoe IN any event
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
What's the User

by taking the new express. I saved
twenty minutes IN going from New York
TO Chicago"
Fine
And then loet II IN a traffic Jam"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Charleston. s. c.. will do well to nail
down the Battery and chain up St
MichaeTs now, or some bold bad person
may sneak IN and run away with them
also.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Carving II Too Far.

From tho Cleveland Plain Dealer.
He has always favored Peary, you
know, but 7 think he carries his prejudice
a little too far"
In what way?'
He eats nothing but unlocked food"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
Mr.. Cnnnon's Cassius.

From, the Chicago Record Herald.
Is It going 20 be necessary for IL. j." Cannon
% cry out TO the unleaa and unhungry Aldrich.
Help! Help NE. Nelson. OF I snkf'
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Some Of Mr.. Pinchots too enthusiastic
friends. however. might wisely cease fir
ing little this side Of creating the Inn
preston that that most worthy gentleman
Is nursing q sore toe.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Missouri is the chief henpecking
state" says the Milwaukee Sentinel
This is an outside view, Of course. II It
is true, it would never have been ad-
mItted AZ home.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Pnsiea ~ PresentE.

For roses he a fondness has;
They fade away
And are not apt 10 figure as
Exhibit A.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
A HIT for Every Head.

From the Kansas City Times
The man who takes hts business worries
to bed with him makes as big a mistake
as the one who keeps on sleeping after
he gets I'D.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Airy Persifla ge.

From the Boston TrauscT1pt.
Passenger on aeroplane - What's that
dingdonging noise? Can IT be the cow
bells on the Milky Way?
Aviator-No; that's only SatuTn's rings.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Something for Nothing.

Pretty shrewd. I call him"
what now?'
Gave out that he had a lot Of idle
money. and az soon as n dozen colleges
had conferred degrees upon him. he built
a glue factory"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Mr.. Taft and the Consumer.

From the Boston Herald.
The President sees In this constantly increasing
burden on the consumer the greatest political fac
TOT OF the time. and believes that It should be
studied and analysed.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

What do you think Of this scheme for
going by air 20 the pole?
well. the hot air route worked out all
right in one case"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Chief End of Travel.

What impressed you most. the pyra-
mids OF Egypt or the pagodas Of China?''
'Oh, l don't know. They both made
good backgrounds for photographs Of
our party"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

The Dixie" VS.. Yankee Doodle" con
troversy is warm enough in spots, but,
happily, It seems not at all likely to lead
TO civil war
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
AT THE HOTELS.

Walter Clark is making good as gov
ernor Of Alaska" said Charles Z. Her
ron, OF Candle. Alaska. who Is at the
National Mr. Heron is interested in
mining enterprises in Alaska, and is
here on business. He claims Boise,
Idaho, as his home, but he spends a good
part % his time in Alaska.
Our governor is now on a tour 20
the various parts and sections Of
Alaska" said Mr.. Heron. mo automo-
blles where he goes; dog teams. yes:
snow and ice for hundreds and hundreds
Of miles. But ! tell you he IS all right;
so he is, Clark IS; he is fine fellow.
so he Is. And he is going TO make good:
In fact he has already made good He
is popular with every body and Is at
tending 20 business II there is anything
that Alaska needs and anybody can get
II. Clark is the man; he is right there
with the goods. as it were. 50 10 speak
He is a great believer IN finding out
what Is needed and to go right after Il.
and he usually gets what he's after.
He is q great believer in doing things
Dog team? Yes. dog team. DIDN'T
you know that We have q dog race every
year, on the first Of April, from Nome 10
Candle, which IS a distance, both ways,
OF so miles. Great day in Alaska when
the dog race takes place. Nobody works:
not even father. then. Beats everything
else. Court adjourns, school closes up.
business suspends, and so on and so forth.
Yes, sir, everybody goes 20 see that dog
race. Last year there were about twenty
FIVE teams IN the contest, 1 was entered,
that is to say, I had team in the race.
and bad luck I had. too A blizzard
came along and blew my team. driver,
/ dogs and all. out into Bering Strait. The
driver saved himself by abandoning the
/ team, and Indians had TO go out and save
| the outfit Two Of the dogs were frozen
| 10 death but according 10 the rules OF tha
race, the dogs that were entered and
started. had 10 return, dead or alive.
/ Well. my team returned with the two
| dead dogs.
A team. as q rule. consists OF about
nine dogs, and Il costs on an average
! 5000 to fit out a team for the race The
/ dogs have 20 prepare for the race for
weeks. and the driver has lots OF work
on hand Everybody bets on the out
/ come OF this contest, and there Is
great time all round About $1,000 In
/ bets were registered with the different
I bookmakers at last years race. Yes;
everybody bets and nobody interferes.
! Business IS fine in Alaska. Every
I body is making lots OF money and every
/ body is happy. The present form Of gov
/ eminent in Alaska is satisfactory, but
! there are always kickers. TO matter what
! part OF the country you're IN. There IS
/ room for Improvement even IN the best
/ Of places; but what's the use OF g-um-
/ bling anyway"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

The proposed plan TO combine five Gen.
trail American republics into one seems
worthy. Whatever happens. It probably
could not be worse
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

The Speaker declares that he viii fight
70 the last ditch. which he locates. more
over in Danvlle. H.. and vicinity.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

The staf OF the weII-regulated school
Of the future VIII include trained nurse
said Dr. Fred. Emmons. of Philadelphia
az the New Willard last night. 'PhiLa-
delphia already has taken action on
this ali-important question by appointing
nurses for the various schools This has
been done at the urgent advice OF a con-
gress Of medical men. It IS manifestly
absurd if not worse, 10 try to force an
ailing child TO understand its lesson. and
too often boy or girl IS threatened with
punishment by a teacher when the fact
is that he or she is sick. and not stupid,
but too shy to explain matters
ut Is becoming alarmingly apparent to
the directors Of public schools that in the
poorer districts children are frequently
sent to schol by ignorant parents actually
suffering from contagious diseases. In
such cases it Is not the fault OF the
teacher If the emergency is not recog-
nized at once. 4 trained nurse is the
proper person TO be on the spot and to
be held responsible
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
March of Progress.

WHITTIER away?"
Going to eerenade a girl"
Can you sing?"
Nope; going 10 do It with a grapa-
phone"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Perhaps It would be Just as well to
equip the battle ship Georgia with rub
Der shoes and have done with it.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Down in Atlanta the other day one
automobile scorcher going one way at
tempted to dodge another automobile
scorcher going another way. The dodge
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
Ss2z40ElAX IN HISTORY
Birthday of Americas Stanch English
Friend-January Is.
HExE7Es 7i5 M m IN TIis n lIIlzIIzIl

To-day IS the birthday of Charles James
Fox Q74S), the celebrated English states
man and orator, who was warm friend
of the American colonies IN their strug-
gle for liberty, even foreseeing the neces-
sity and advantages of a complete sep
aration. Preceding and during the con
flict he was always in opposition to Lord
North in his treatment Of the American
patriots and the conduct Of the war.
His great love OF liberty was again
expressed in his long struggle against
William Pitt. He alone. Of all the IA
nous English statesmen Of his day, IA
vored the French revolution, and was op-
posed to the ruinous war with France.
He gave powerful aid in the impeach-
ment Of Warren Hastings. and in 1872 he
secured the passage Of his libel act,
which, as a measure for personal liberty,
IS second only to the habeas corpus act
in Importance.
When the tea duty was imposed Fox
voted against the measure; ne exposed
the hollowness Of North's plan OF con-
citation, as carrying two faces on its
very first appearance. Following the
affair at Lexington. Fox supported the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13
INN m m TVTTT m TiE M nm TfTETTI1

amendment 10 the address. censuTing the
members for increasing the discomfort
in America. The colOnists," he said,
have reason TO triumph. Lord Chatham,
the King of Prussia nay. Alexander the
Great, never gained more in one cam
paign than Lord North lost-he has lost
q whole continent
In an address on October 81, 176, he
said: IF the question lay between con-
Quering and abandoning America, I am
for abandoning it; for our advantages
from America arise from trade and from
relationships with a people Of the same
ideas and sentiments.
OF all English statesmen. Fox Is one
! Of the most admired IN America. AL
though his private character was not free
from even severe criticism, yet It was
largely redeemed by the sweetness of his
disposition, the buoyancy Of his spirits.
and the unsel1shness- of his conduct. AS
a politician he had liberal sentiments. and
hated oppression and religious !ntoler-
ance. Although he was continually al
war with George III. an opponent of con-
I'siderable knowledge of kingcraft. as
far as the two men are concerned, Il was
after all q drawn game.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

Of
inuton
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-01-13

4 persons character may be accurately
judged by the amount Of water he drinks
OF uses externally, according to William
VolkharGt, q water expert Of New York.
who was seen at the Raleigh yesterday.
Mr.. Volkhardt IS interested in the manu-
facture Of water meters and the install
lation Of municipal water plants.
Tell me how many there are in
family and the amount Of water they
consume. according TO their meter. and
will tell you whether they are worth
while. said Mr. VoIkhardy. who knows
more about water than the most en-
thusiastic advocate OF the abolishment
of saloons Too much water is wasted.
Water should be conserved, because Il IS
one element than which there Is none
more necessary for the sustenance OF
human life.
1T is the greatest protector against
fire and the universal cOnserver Of the
crops. Of the forest. Of the ranch, and Of
life in general Without water thers
would De no air, and therefore no life.
It IS a wonder that municipalities do not
pay more attention 10 the conservation
or saving of their water supply. There
are many cities all over the United States
that have no properly installed water
meter systems and therefore waste
their water TO a most dangerous extent
In case of a condagration these places
would be in sore straits. an heart and
soul in favor OF the conservation or
water"