Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-03-04

Mrs. Henpeck-Who were the three
wise men, Job? Mr.. Henpeck- Bach.
elors.-Life.
MY brother broke his leg yester-
day." Accidentally" 1--WE presume
So He had nobody to spite" kansas
City Journal.
Sapleigh-The doctor says there's
something the matter with my head.
Sharp-You surely didn't pay doc
tor to tell you that! Boston Tran
script.
This advertisement savors of pessi-
mism." What's that?. Gentleman
offers to exchange Christmas present
for something ul."-Kansas City
Journal.
BILL see man is trying to drift
across the Arctic Circle. Where do
you suppose he'll bring up? Jill-Oh,
on the lecture platform, probably
Yonkers Statesman.
| Would you marry a woman who
had been divorced?" well. | don't
know. A good deal would depend on
what she had been doing with her ALI
mony."-Chicago Record Herald.
He-So your husband has given up
smoking? II requires a pretty strong
will to accomplish that. She-Weu,
I'd have you understand that have
strong will.-New Zealand Free
Lance.
The Conversationalist Ito we'll
known authoress)-I am so delighted
to meet you-it was only the other
day-I saw something of yours-about
something or other-in some paper!-
Sketch.
Did you have any assistance when
you made your appearance as a sing
err" "Yes," answered the amateur
soloist. There was policeman keep
Ing order in the gallery."-W Washing
ton Star.
The Lady Fare-You can not cheat
me, my man. l haven't ridden In cabs
for twenty-five years for nothing. The
Cabby-Haven't you, mum? Well,
you've done your best-New Zealand
Free Lance.
Il was nearly killed yesterday"
What happened?" Il was having tea
In the garden when an airship passed
over with one of those 't-know-you-
were-underneath fools in it!" = st,
Louis Republic.
Mrs. Younglove = John, are you
aware that you haven't kissed me for
a week? Mr.. Younglove-Y-yes, darl-
ing. l was just waiting to see how
long 1t would take you to notice it
Boston Transcript.
Helen" said her mother, 'if you
are naughty you can't go to heaven"
WELL" said Helen, Il can't expect to
go everywhere. went to Uncle Toms
Cabin once, and to the circus twice."
The Housekeeper.
Sapleigh-Bah Jove, you know, an
idea has occurred to me- Miss
Pert (interrupting)-Par me, Mr.
Sapleigh, isn't that more than mere
occurrence? l should call 1t an event.
Boston Transcript
Her Father-Yesterday l won the
prize in the lottery, and to-day you
come and ask me for my daughters
hand. Suitor-Yes, you know, one bit
of good luck always brings another
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
First Chauffeur-You're bum driv-
er. Second Ditto-Say, what know
about automobiles would fill library.
First Chauffeur-Yes, and what you
don't know about 'em would fill a
morgue.-The Club-Fellow.
Travelling Salesman-Well, Mr.. Ja-
bez, did you get in to see the Hudson
Fulton celebration? Farmer Jabez-
No; l didn't come nigh the place,
cause dye know, l don't believe either
of 'em ever reached the pole!-Puck.
Joynes-I tell you, Singleton, you
don't know the joys and felicities of a
contented married life, the happy fight
of years, the long, restful calm Of
Singelton-How long have you been
married? Joynes-Just month
Tit-Bits.
Il am going to embark in some sort
Of business, and want to know wheth-
er you think there is much money in
moving pictures?" There was for a
fellow who moved a half-dozen of
ours" said the fiat dweller. He
charged us $10."-St Louis Star.
Tomorrow will be my birthday"
remarked the fair typewriter maid,
"and I'm going to take day off,"
HUH" sneered the bookkeeper, who
had loved and lost, why don't you
take five years off as you did the last
time you had a birthday?"-Chicago