davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
WOMEN ARE WOMEN.
A Rather Roundabout Way to Prove
the Proposition-But Does
This Prove lt2

Men say women are angels; women
say women are cats. Let US pause a
moment and reason upon this thing.
If women are angels-however, that
does not seem to be the proper start
ing point. Let US try again.
II angels are cats-but, no; that Is
hardly reasonable, for angels have
wings, and cats do not fly. We must
begin again.
If women are cats-but that isn't
possible, for cats do not talk, and how
could z dumb animal express an opin-
ion in words Of a woman? Whatever
cats may think, they never say word
about a woman, while women-wen.
women are not cats.
Now let US return to the first propo-
sition.
II women are angels, they wouldn't
say women are cats. Angels don't
talk that way.
Once upon a tine a man married a
woman. He said she was an angel;
the women said she was a cat Happy
man, not to know the difference be-
tween an angel and cat!
Men say women are angels. and by
this token women say angels are cats.
Therefore, angels being cats, cats
must be angels, and. both being the
same, women are women.
Which is precisely what they are
W, ]. hampton in Lppincott's.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
SOME SURE THINGS.
Do Not Bet on Your Ability TO Per-
form These Feats.

10 Not set on your ApIttty TO FsF-
form These Feats.
Bets to be avoided by those who are
cocksure they can do all things are
those relating to athletic feats. It
would seem that a good runner could
easily give a start Of fifty yards in q
hundred to a man who was doing the
fifty yards by hopping on one leg. But
few runners, If any, can AFFORD to give
that amount Of start to any man who
is at all strong on his legs. For the
first FIVE yards or so they go at prac-
tically the same pace. so that to run
ninety-five yards while his opponent
is hopping forty-five he has to go more
than twice as fast. and it is a weak
man indeed who cannot hop fifty
yards in ten seconds.
An ordinary wooden match is easily
broken in the fingers, but, although
there are many who will bet they can
do it, none succeed in accomplishing
the task If the match is laid across the
nail of the middle finger Of either hand
and pressed upon by the first and third
fingers of that hand. despite its seem
ing so easy at first sight.
No one can crush an egg placed
Iengthwise between his clasped hands
that is. il the egg be sound and has
the ordinary shell Of hens egg.
1t is safe to bet a man that he can
not get out Of a chair without bending
his body forward or putting his feet
under it if he is sitting on 1t, not at
the edge Of 1t.
Another equally certain wager is
that a man cannot stand at the side
of a room with both Of his feet touch
ing the wainscoting lengthwise.
It is safe to bet any man, save one
who is blind, that he cannot stand
for FIVE minutes without moving II he
is blindfolded.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Rineninn Bananas.

1t is a familiar fact that bananas
are imported green, but it came as
new thing to a visitor TO the banana
district in Colombia to find that ba-
nanas are not permitted TO ripen on
the plant even down there. They are
cut and set to hang somewhere until
they wither ripe, as the phrase is.
Bananas do not have to be yellow to
be ripe That is only the color of the
skin when it has dried up. To the
person who is accustomed TO eating
bananas only when they are yellow it
seems odd to peel them when they are
green and find that they are perfectly
ripe within and it to eat.-New York
CUn
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
MEAT IN AFRICA.
When the Native Butcher Purposes
Killing an Ok He Sends Around
Notice to ihe White People.

Travellers In Africa find the standard
Of living somewhat different from
what they are accustomed to at home.
Mary Hall in her book, "a Woman's
Trek From the Cape to Cairo" throws
strong light upon the condition OF
market and kitchen in British Csntrai
Africa:
When the native butcher proposes to
kill an OK, notice to that effect is sent
round to the white people on the pre-
vious day. Once they were apprised
Of the fact by the following startling
announcement: "a bule will be mur-
dered tomorrow morning at @ a. ~"
This cold blooded crime, so carefully
Premeditated, even to the exact hour,
was, however, not committed, as the
next morning a second notice was Is
sued as follows: "The buIe ran away
this morning, so was not murdered"
But this was an exceptional case.
/ heard one story which is so char
acteristic Of the native that repeat it
The man who related 1t told me that
the incident occurred when he was on
a journey and was suffering from a
bad attack OF fever. One evening he
fancied he would like some eggs and
told his boy to get two and boil them
lightly.
After a time they were brought TO
him as hard as bullets. He told the
boy he must get some more and boil
them less; but, alas. these were brought
to him In the same condition, and the
poor fellow wished be had never or
dered them at all.
Being unwilling to give In, he made
another attempt and told his boy,
"Come to me when the water boils."
The boy did so.
snow" said his master, ''put the
eggs in, and when you have counted
fifty take them out"
The native method Of reckoning is TO
count up to ten and then begin again,
arriving at the total by the number OF
the tens counted. The sick man heard
the boy start fair and get as far as
four tens, when 4 second boy inter
fered and questioned whether it were
the third or fourth ten.
This started a discussion, and as
they could not agree it was decided
to begin all over again. Meanwhile
the eggs were still boiling and getting
harder and harder. This was about
the last straw, and, I'll as the man
felt, he was compelled to get out OF
bed and put a summary end to the
cooking operations.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
The Prisoners Retort,

It is a prison chaplain's duty to give
q departing prisoner good advice and
to exhort him to be a decent and hon
orable man in the future In the
course Of one OF these interviews a
chaplain said. Now. my friend. l hope
you'll never have TO come back to a
place like this"
The prisoner looked at him thought
fully and then asked, 81 say, chaplain,
you draw q salary here. don't your
When the chaplain replied in the af-
hrmativs the prisoner remarked, "Well,
say. II me and the other fellows didn't
keep coming back you'd be out Of a
lob"
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Verv DiFferent.

It is never embarrassing in a novel
for a rich man to find lot or poor
kin. There is always a vacancy IN
bank. where the rich man finds good
position for the oldest son, who soon
becomes the banks president An
other child shows a genius for paint
Ing, and the rich man sends him to
italy to study. In month or two the
child returns a great artist. But how
sIfferent in real life! Ah, how vastly
decentralization Globe.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
She Had Often Studied Il.

Little Marie had returned from heE
first visit to Sunday school
And what lesson are you to study
for next SundayT' her mother asked.
Muffin much" said the four-year-
old rather scornfulIy. Her jest said
to learn all about the catakissin', and
me knowed that already" - Lippin-
cott's.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Didn't Nesd . Doctor.

''Let me kiss those tears awayP' he
begged tenderly. She fell in his arms,
and he was busy for the next few min
utes. And yet the tears flowed on.
"Are you suffering? Can nothing stop
themP' he asked. breathlessly sad.
''No," she murmured. Its only q
cold, you know. But go on with the
treatment. Ladies' Home Journal.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Like the Bes.

81, SIR" said Mr.. Dustin stax, "am
Ike the busy bee. l have Industrious
" stored the good things Of life"
"Yes. And anybody who tried TO
stop you was very likely to get stung."
Washington Star.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
An Old Saw Strikes = Nail.

Mr.. Scrappington (musingly) - As
Lincoln said, man may fool some OF
the people all the time and all the peo-
pie some Of the time Mrs. Scrap
pington Cbriskly)-BUt you can't fool
me any Of the time!-Puck.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Force Of Habit.

Captain Of SignaIers-G-G-G, what
the deuce does the fellow meanl
There's no word with three G's run
ming. CorporaI-Beg pardon, sir, bat
gignalsr Higgins he Standardization
Punch.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Not Yst.

'Do you desire a room with BATH"
asked the affable clerk.
'Gee whiz, mop replied the gentle
man with the canvas telescope. This
is only Tuesday, amt itf"-Chicago
Record Herald.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Pretty UnpopuIar-

Wigg-BjOnes doesn't seem to be
very popular. Wagg-I should say not
Why. that fellow is so unpopular he
couldn't even get Job as a bill col
Iector.-Philadelphi Record
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Didn't lake the Bait.

Miss Anciente Gnsinuatingiy)-I dis
Ike my name; it's horrid Mr.. Fly
(absentlyl-I fear it's TOO late to change
1t now.
Thick silence.-Pittsburg Press.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
ChAarinn Har

Macdougal Ito his new fourth wife,
The meenister doesna approve o. my
marryin' again, an sac young a wife
tool But. as l telIt hSm, l Gamma be
ave buryin', buryin'.-Punch.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05
Lovers OuaFrels.

Nell-A lovers quarrel always re-
minds me Of crazy quilt. Belle
How's that? Nell-Always patched
up.-Philadelphia Record.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

In this world It is not what ne take
up. but what we give up. that makes
as rich.-Beecher.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

Fortune is ever seen accompanying
Industry.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

Children have more need OF models
than Of critics.-Joubert.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

Nature is lavish in the production OF
everything buJ great men.-Hubbard.
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

ES-----S SEC=E@E~r 1E@FEN
SSksznzszzseaszszzz AZ L. s--E;l- -, = SE
The Washington bee., 1910-11-05

T H~NTT
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
APOSTLE VS.. PRESIDENT.

The insolent, shameless hypocrisy of
the Mormon priesthood was never more
effectually and strongly illustrated than
in two sermons that were preached in
Utah on Sunday last by apostles of that
church
Apostle Hyrum NJ. Smith in this city
set forth the purity Of the Mormon
church. tho exclusive truth Of its doc
trines. and the abounding virtue of the
Mormon people He claimed that there
exists less sin and vice among the Nor.
mons than among any other people in
the world and declares that the Christ
life is the standard Of the members of
| The Mormon church, What scandalons
! falsehood and hypocrisy all that sort Of
talk is, everyone familiar with the Nor
mon practices. acts, and sentiments fully
understands; but that is not what VIC
have in view IN this article.
At the same time in Logan, President
Francis NJ. Lyman Of the Twelve ApoS
ties, WAS denouncing the "skulldug-
gerry of the Mormon elders, saying that
they deceive and cheat the women by
mlschievous visions and dreams He ac.
knowedged explicitly that large mum
bers Of the leaders of the church had
bceu resisting the will Of God, trcnting
il with contempt and also defying the
laws of tho land Some of our broth
rem who were not satisfied with the
manifesto have gone outside and over
/ 4, hux pfranInI (,nI in
doing so,v said President Lyman. He
pronounced their course unrightcoIs
and unlawful He said further, g We
don t want our women deceived and
cheated any longer as they have been.
and cmphatically warned the elders that
"this skullduggery must cease He
stated that "Wc want YOU, brethren
and sisters. To behave yourselves in the
! future, which is the same as saving
afirmativcIy that they have not been
behaving themselves in Che past. And
! he SAID that "somc men and women
/ have got into the fashion of having
I visions aud dreams about this moani in g
| polygamvl but let me assure YOU that
/ all such manifestations conc from the
devil. for when God wants to speak 70
his people here he will do it through
Joseph +. Smith.
Here are two testimonies exactly OPP
posite as to the character and actions Of
the Mormon people. The junior apostle
claims devoted obedience by them to
he will of God, and spectacular virtue
for them, while the president Of the
apostles quorum. Of which young Hy.
rum is a member, expressly denounces
the elders of the church for doing the
things that young Hyrum says they do
Lnot do. President Lyman said they arc
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

nolypamous commandment has been
kent 'fto the best Of our ability and
that in view of the great noise that Is
being made by the Gentiles on that ac-
count they had better call an ostensiole
halt.
It is one of the most dishonest moves
yet made by the Mormon leaders. ana
thoro is absolutely no dependence TO be
placed in it. They have thrown solemn
promises, acts of the general conference,
authoritative interpretations, and sa-
cred compacts. to the winds. Even II
the public were disposed to accept the
present prononnccmeut in earnestness'
A would be found that within Two
wears this outgivinG would be cast asihc
in favor of some other evasion and re-
pudiation more favorable to polygamy
Citizens of Utah are going to hold the
Mormon church to it's contracts OF lo9o'
and no number of tricky pronnnciamen-
tos attempting to shift that date will
have any effect. They lied in the one
and they have been lying in all the 9th
crs, Utah will hold them to the hrst
lie in order to be rid of the bother OF
listening to any more,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
LAST REGISTRATION DAY.

Today is the last registration day for
the election that occurs ono week
hence.
In the days for registration that have
been noted, a great many persons visit
ed the registration Offices to ascertain
if their rapcs were properly on the roll
and Il great many that wcro entitled
to vote were newly registered. I'm
doubtcdv. however. there are many who
have overlooked this essential prelim.
mary for voting. For without registra
tiou the vote cannot be cast
We urge, therefore, that every one
who has not already attended TO the
durv of S,niug that his or her name IL
properly or tie registration list, should
attend 10 that matter today. II is the
theory of the law that every one who
voted at the last election is registered
for this: but there may be accidents or
there may be designs which will keep
names off the list.
The only way TO make sure, is TO
look at the list and sec that the name
is there,
In cases where the voter becomes such
for the first time this year, it is i'm
peratlvc that the registration should be
made.
We. therefore, on all accounts, urge
that every one who is entitled TO vote
should inspect the list today, so as to
be certain that the name is there and
that the way 10 vote next Tuesday is
thus cleared by the legal preliminary
steps.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
THE SALT TRIBUNE TUESDAY MORNING NOVEMBER 1910

guilty of skullduggery, that they de-
ccive the women by means Of visions
and dreams that come from the devil,
that they arc sinners and dcccivcrs, and
says that this wrong doing was sin
against God and against the laws of
tho church, as well as breaches Of the
statute law. And he proclaims that this
sort of villainy must cease.
And there you are. One apostle
whitcwashes the elders, tho chief OF
the apostles paints them in their true
colors. Those who arc acquainted with
the breed will have no difficulty in rec
ognizing President Lyman S picture as
the true one. aud they will have no diff
6culty in concluding that he drew 1T
far miIdcr than no might have done in
truth and honesty.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
wnsre ,ue 11lyuns Is on oAe,

isingnaln--E. IL. Lovcsy.
Eureka, kpightsvillc, Mammoth, hooin-
son ana SILVER Llty-li. IA. IuileHcc>
Slly-E, H. uurlDut-
OSden-si1Ss Ndsi.sI,e .ou avenue
fiovo-ULah News Co. m
Murray, Ltau JAS IL hoyetoh. -
Sot,n sta ,e street "
NeW Il ORR Gll3 dldorf Astoria, Hu'
elinS .. Bruauway anu 3Stn Street IN
Shtaso-CEic,igo newspaper .isohCS' ~
Maulson ST.. empire news SeA"os <
totlGm. Palmer r1ouse. So
asnlnS ton, ~. I. = COLUMBIA
Agency, National Ncws AAsuSS. NC"
wizard News stand.
omaha -Edrkaiuw Bros, Union pevo'
Sates News Co. lUul Falnam street
->ahsds I!ty-M ORD lumn News ~ ,,,r
FoIiiant-Bowman News Co, Nose e''
News Co.. oregon News Co; ,.,-
@os AuseieS--AmoS News Co., y;
car FianciSco-uoIel 81 Francs .Nems
stand N. WneatIey, Cnileo Ee"'
O"siand-Amos News Co.. Athens Ne"
Seattle : A 1serlis. Amos News
Acme News Co. Jas Fl He1ernan
Spokane-Wide World News co. --'-
Iacoma-Trego News Co. :,
DenVer-Brown Palace Hotel ~.
iansen. kendrlck Book and Sta.,one
Co. S. Widon. Western News AEWnGo
ifoise-BoIse Book and Music Co. Waoe
Gray, e17 Main: Edmond Saii''o''
ldanna Hotel Owyhee Hotel
Poca tello-Book Store Pharmacy,
Butte--keefe Bros. p. .. News Stano
Jno C Evans.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
TODAY IN HISTORY
Great Earthquake In Lisbon.
TUESDAY. NOVEMBER I. 1910


November. the last Of the fall months.
styled BY the ancient SaXons, Whit
monat, or the wind month. from the
gales of wind which are prevalent
countries 10 the north TO lay M their
keeIs on shore, and refrain from eX
posing themselves. on the ocean until
the advent OF more genial weather In
OF Blot-moOath, or the bloody month,
from the circumstances OF It's being GUS
tomary then to slaughter great numbers
of cattle 10 be salted for winter use.
Today is Saints day, day which
takes lis origin from the conversion.
in the seventh century. of the Pan
of worship. and ifs dedication by Pope
Boniface ", TO the Virgin and all the
martyrs. The anniversary of this cvent
was celebrated at first on the LIST of
tered to the lst OF November. which
was thenccforth under the designation
OF the Feast OF All Saints. set apart as
a general commemoration in their honor.
The festival has been retained by the
Anglican church.
November | is noted especially in his
tory the date. In 1855. OF the terrible
earthquake In Lisbon IT was one OF
the greatest calamities of this character
recorded in history. About o'clock
I'm the morning hollow thunder-lll<e
most Immediately afterwards. without
any warning, such upheaval and
overturning of the ground occurred as
destroyed the greater part Of The houses
and buried crushed no less than so
600 human beings, Some Of the sur
vlvors declared that the shock scarcely
exceeded three minutes in duration
Hundreds Of persons lay half killed
under stones and ruined walls. shrleliing
in agony and imploring aid which no
one could render. Many of the churches
were at the time filled with their CON
gregations. and each church became one
huge catacomb, eutombfng the helpless
beings in It's ruins. The 10000 dc
stroyed in Lisbon were only half the
number killed. for 10000 more met their
death through the earthquake In its
neghborhood.
The effects on the sea and the sea-
shore were scarcely less terrible than
harbor. left the bar dry, and then rolled
In again a wave fifty or sixty feet
high. Many OF the Inhabitants, at the
first alarm. rushed TO new marble quay
this proceeding only occasioned addition
al calamitles. The quay sank down into
an abyss which opened underneath H..
drawing In along with IT numerous boats
been some actual closing UP of the abyss
at this spot. for the poor creatures thus
engulfed. as well as the timbers and
other wreck. disappeared completely. as
II cavern had closed IN upon them.
The seaport OF Setubal. twenty miles
south OF Lisbon. WAS engulfed and wholly
disappeared Near Marocco, the earth
opened and swallowed up a town with
5000 inhabitants and then closed again.
The comparisons which scientific men
were afterwards able to institute, showed
that the main center OF the disturbance
was far out in the Atlantic. where the
bed of the ocean was convulsed by up
and down heavirgs. thereby creating
enormous waves OH all sides.
November 1. 1865. the stamp act went
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01
.,uL( LOCAL lll HlsToRY'
WHAT HAPPENED Not

lS'S0Ths DIgcn,lgcg first number Of tho
paSe ,,aSo octave Mormon papar s ~
1910 'SseH III Liverpool. Enplan,a 10
cenrgn ,'''',l - ioung' WilfoM ".
Sos SSoorse - Cannon ana mG,|
ouhs, Jr,' accompanied ~ I'd
oi OF 'helr families. left Sal, ~ ,sa ~
Novemi,,,, No Ir' george 9 where they ~ {.
1S77-John s. HIebco o
VAST WasRing,o1 41 nStI, so,,rsi. died a. foso.,| ~
loo"-l l-""iS Robson. promIr,u
carry history of Utah In' sIaa
Lake City. 81 years old 'ied h
l"siIThe steamship Arizona 81,
Liverpool with 1853 Mn-In
charee OF Joseph Alma Sms1
company arrived at New. aNe
,.ehe,. vembe !! and at Sal, LAX. ~ -.
1Ss6-George r. Curtis sddr,..,
ter to Hon. l.. Q, c. Lama
oi The interior, on Utah aft5r ssll|
amy and cohabitatlon.
1SS7-Daniel Il. Thomas q,
arrested on a chage Of uri,-
habitation, taken TO Ordan .N
over i'll the sum Of $4,000.
lSS8-Peter Nielsen OF Logan
rested for unlawful rohsb,.sva
lSoo-Evan Stephens succeedsd "
Beesley as leader OF tbs -
choir, Salt Lake City, Cao,ss
Der died in Mexico. ''''ss
1S91-Nathan 3 Baldwin. a ,0s-
lions camp. died al FiIlmo.aa
~ meeting held IN the Sus.r, y
ward. Salt Lake county ne y y
ties of the Mormon chnrch y
In that locality were organjTsI =
lo5th quorum OF seventy sin'
tin earn. John NJ. IbI,,ps
Thomas Alston as presiden,ss
1a00-A. q. Campbell sins CIra,.
suit against Senator CIark
l902-Ma Quonc TIL shot and tr..
fip Sing. Utah Ice & storsss
pany buys land 10 put In ~, |,
ing 500 00o. Old st. MARKS -.
corner sold for $4,000. rIs {,
mine sold by Charles Lamn,,
for 100000.
1908-Pauline Kurz struck by ap,c-.
and run over, but only D.
bruised,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

IN thus making itself q sewer Of obsccu.
'ty and viIification is jnluring it's own
ease and helping the Americans. On
that account, and also on the general
account, we are glad to see the organ
thus inakiug itself ridiculous and
odlons. 1t removes it from the field of
newspaper competition, as unworthy of
public consideration. The organ is dir-
ElhS its own grave, in its false and
vicious course in this campaign. The
Tribune welcomes IFS efforts i'm that
Inc' and Will reap harvest from them
when the sores that the organ makes
become Grippe. -
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

nhio, lio oCo.L o resigned aa Gcnersl
GmI", ,ana in o' INC ,ne army In 1861 esommsns,
se,aIIic es,ab,ishns meteorological bs, snd b.
9o2,, 1og "a 'odc Mich9las Boilcau, a. is ths
GTinIl'odpTG ipIon 1T}G7j samuel TllcIssp c oPost
ibs'o,, lbe a hrnr,n o.laD; Stephen Va, Of ~
tro troonNI AN"eT1san ei1s general. csIns Hn Rsnf3
loon ,rm Sl,oo); John Taylo,rl lS,led "ns'
SW,,,ntaI SWr moemon church (isOs, pfszid'
sjsrD; cIsre,r,.i hev. Morgan Dix Div =. hus,
the G,erkym'nn a,i,har 'iS2D; and ogr!sslIhss
She dnath h"'n9r no ,!!lSIp. II Is ibs men c,
mean neM,n o. ., Chorlcs II. Of "s date
CTan Jg@II n%umphrey % Prideeuy pain h,
the 3c,6nHorGa mnG GGlexander ,;Ha!!e Crudeu' INC
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

"My Son Hyrum" Smith says that
the Mormon church is the only true
church on earth. Well. if fellow is
going TO tell one at all, ii might as well
be whoppcr.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

Doctor Teed promised before his
death a year ago that he would be ros-
urrected and become the new Messiah.
He has failed, just as did the Mormon
prophecy that the Savior would come TO
the Salt Lake temple in 1880.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

News from Paris is to the effect that
during the first half Of this year the
number OF births in France exceeded
the number of deaths. 1t is only mere
matter of time that will deter Teddy
from claiming the credit.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1910-11-01

If heretofore you have not known that
the Mormon hierarchy was dishonest,
do you not know il since President
Francis NJ. Lymsn's sermon at Logan
ON Sunday!