The Alaska citizen., 1910-09-19
Through the Customs With MIR DlNKEYS
 l 1OuCN UNCLE MAX

her"
 I swear" set Uncle Max; In yardly. ouidyardly. earnestly unC pictorially. | swear"
 "Py der memory of Chorgc Wash ington you swear dot you vas not 6 smugglesome man"
 T dc, set Uncle Max.
 Hold up, both hants uud swear. Uncle Max dit it.
 Close your eyes und swear"
 Uncle Max dit it.
 Nit both hants behind your back und your eyes fixed on der Declara tion of Independence. sign dis sworn statcment,' set der man.
 Uncle Max dit it
 Now dot you haf sworn | will go through your trunks to see if you vas Her, set der man.
 surely you should receif vun of my best kicks" sat Uncle Max.
 "Formality fairst, fun later" sci der man expecting der larchest trunk.
 Aha, vot is dis"
 II is pair of opcnyork socks s set Uncle Max.
 Opened in Europe-yes. Bad pit2- ness! Bad pitzness, begin 10 sus- picion you. Vot is dis"
 Dot is a pipe yich I bought in Baden Baden" set Uncle Max. "I vas looking it to my cousin in Portchester for a souvenir"
 T will help your cousin to stop smoking, set der man, putting der p'pe in his pocket Aha. yot is dis2"
 Uncle Max blnshed his face.
 "Not is dis?"
 Dot is my pair of pajimmies." set Uncle Max.
 "Pajimmics."
 Put dem back, blcase." set Uncle Max. "A mans pajimmics is not for der wulger gaze of der world"
 "Pajimmies!' set der man.
 My pajmmies!" set Uncle Max.
 "Dey look like a Chinaman's Sun day trousers-yes
 Uncle Max looked into der pitiless faces of der multitude yich vas gag ing into his trunk, but dey handed him nuddins. only small punches of laughter.
 Come, set der man, ware is der Chink dot goes init dis wearing ap- parel?"
 "I assurance you dot l year dose pajimmiss myself" set Uncle Max, interrupting sob in his troat.
 You year desc r->mmtes? Ven? Wy? Vare?"
 In der secrecy of my boudoir," set Uncle Max
 Aha" set der man, 50 you haf some boudoir, too? Bat pitness, bat pitzness! l haf nefer heard of Houdoir Trust, darefore ye do not make such ding in dis country. My suspiciousness is getting loud CT. Vot is it in dis poddle?"
 Dot is my cough medicine" set Uncle Max, gifing a sample of der cough
 Tt may be vine or cream der mint. because your voice sounds nervous"
 "l vas neeyous because der world is still giggling al my pajimmies," set Uncle Max.
 Back to der pajimmies! Bad pig, ness! bad pizness. l will haf to dig a tunnel through your nccties to see if you should hafe cafe au lait or cafe chauteuse in der trunk. Ven a man gets nervous it is al ways wise to watch him. Open your mouth"
 Uncle Max dit il.
 "NOt haf you been drinking?"
 
 "A yermoose kicktail," set Uncle Max.
 Domestic or imported?"
 "Needer, der captain treated" set Uncle Max.
 "lt sounds to me much like for eign spirits set der man.
 Do you wish to open me further und see?" inkvired Uncle Max
 Den der man vaded into Uncle Max's udder trunk, two-stepped of CT his necklychay shirts, valtzed through his vaistcoats and dit polka midst der ruins of his dress suit.
 "Vot is der werdict?" set Uncle Max after der battle vas ofer.
 Not guilty, but you might be" set der man, smiling briefly.
 As Uncle Max walked ouid der Stars und Stribes seemed to bow politely und say, go and lemon yourself,"
 Dis recollections me, Looey, dot ven l started dis letter it vas to en- couragement you on der idea of cut ing ouid the smoke nuisance.
 You will find it a nice idea ven you get back home because dare is now a new law in New York vich permiSSiOnS der police to ninch eff