Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-06-16

Jake said he was going to break
mp the suffragette meeting the other
night. Were his plans carried out?
mo, Jake was"
Wigwag-I never knew such fell
low as Bjones He is always looking
Tor trouble. Henpecked-Then why
doesn't he get married? = Boston
Courier.
Willie-Ma, can't l go out on the
street for a little while? Tommy
Jones says there's a comet to be seen.
Mother-Well. yes; but don't you go
too near.
1T wasn't much trouble to wind up
poor old Sleezem's affairs when he
died" "No? All the property he
left behind was silver watch. Dir
mingham AgeHerald.
My new hat is poem," she said
enthusiastically Il have just received
tho bill for it," replied he. Il don't
understand these stories of so many
poets dying in poverty. Washington
Star.
why do you make that patient wait
three hours every day in your ante
room?" "He needs rest" explained
The doctor, "and that is the only way
can compel him to take it."-Cour-
ler-J
English is a funny language, after
all, isn't it?" "Why so?" Il heard
man talking of a political candidate
the other day say: If he only takes
this stand when he runs he'll have a
walk-over.'
Fancier-This dog, madam, would be
cheap at 800. LADY, would take
him; but I'm afraid my husband might
object. Fancier- Madam. you can get
another husband much easier than a
dog like that
Squire Durnitt (of Lonelyville)- -
Our towns got the four biggest liars
in the State. Uncle Welby Gosh (of
Drearyhurst)- guess that's right
You're three of 'em. Who's the fourth?
Chicago Tribune.
Chief of Detectives-Now give us
description Of your missing cashier.
How tall was he? Business Mani
don't know how tall he was. What
worries me is that he was $4,000
short. rt.-Philadelphia Record.
"Have you been married, Bridget"
"Twicet, num-" "And have you any
children?" "Yis, mum-I've three.
One be tn third wife av me second
husband, an two be the second wife
av me frst"-Cleveland Leader.
MY dear brother" said the cleri-
cal looking man, "are you doing any
thing to keep your brother from fall
ing?" why, yes" was the reply.
I'm interested in a concern that
manufactures lamp-posts!" - Boston
Courier.
Mrs. Starvem-How do you like the
chicken soup, Mr.. Newbord? Mr.
Newbord-Oh-er-is this chicken
soup? Mrs. Internationally, how
do you like it? Mr.. Newbord- Veil
er-its certainly very tender.-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
Author-Have courage, my boy l
tried for ten years to sell my manu-
script and finally Literary Aspi-
rant-You succeeded? Authorize.
was the means of raising the local
postofice from the third to the second
class-Chicago Daily News.
81 believe we ought to have
change in our constitution, providing
that only citizens who could read and
write good English should be permit
ted to vote" Whats your object?
Do you want to shut out the college
graduates ?"-Chicago Record-Herald.
Before we were married" sighs the
fond wife, you used to call me up by
long-distance telephone just to hear
my voice" WELL" retorts the rebel
lious husband, nowadays you won't
let me get far enough from you to
use the long-distance. Chicago Post. |
Il endeavor not to make any dis
tinction as to my servants" says the
new mistress. MY rule is to treat !
each of them as one of the family"
Yes, num-" replies the new girl, |
"but If it's all the same to you I'd
rather be treated with respect ct"-Chi-
cago Post.
so you think the buffers are fax
ing about their extended European
tour?" Il should say so. They said |
there were so many Americans in Ven
ice that many had to walk in the
middle of the street?" "Well?" why, |
the streets of Venice are canals
Springfield Union.
The Man-Did you notice that WON
an we just passed? The Woman-The
one with blond puffs and a fur hat
and a military cape, who was dread
fully made up, and had awfully soiled |
gloves on? The Man-Yes, that one. |
The Woman-No, l didn't notice her.
Leader.
Mrs. Crimsonbeak-It is said that |
the five great original forests Of the
United States covered eight hundred /
and fifty million acres and contained
fifty two billion feet OF lumber. Mr..
those days, you sea,
there was some place for a man to go
when lis wife cleaned house.-Yonk-
ers Statesman.
Il understand, Miss Araminta," said
the professor. "that Won are inclined