davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
kiIs OnnnrtIInitV.

A lineup Of julymen appeared be
fore a certain judge one day. and every
man explained that it would mean dis
aster to him to serve at that term OF
court-all but n little fellow at the tail
end of the line. This man was hunt
er. and he had lived in a cabin on the
creek all his life
"Have YOU no excuse to offer?" asked
the surprised judge.
mo. sir"
Haven't you got a sick mother-in.
law needing your attention"
NO. sir: amt married"
what about your crop?"
Don't raise anything"
NO fence to fix up?"
Haven't got a fence on the place"
"You think you can spare the time
to serve on jury two weeks?"
sure"
The Judge sat awhile and meditatcd
Reaching over he whispered to the
clerk. who shook his head in perpleX.
fly Then the judges curiosity got
the better Of him.
You're the only man who's got the
time to serve your country as jury
man." he said. Would you mind tell
ing me how 1t happensT'
Sure not" said the little man
promptly. u heard you was going to
try Jake Billings this term. He shot
a dos o. mine oncet."
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
BOY WITH CORNET VOICE.
Peculiar Gift of Brooklyn Lad, Who
Initiates Cavalry Calls.

Willie Laffen of 9S Rycrsoa street,
Brooklyn, is the boy with the cornet
voice. lie is little shaver, with a
pleasant, chubby face and like thou
sand other boys except when he emits
from between his lips sounds so SINH
lar to those of 3 fiat cornet as to
deceive any one.
The boy was in Broad street, New
York city, the other afternoon when
he screwed up the necessary courage
to send out a bugle call that echoed
among the skyscrapers, and instantly
there were half thousand men and
boys about him. They cheered him on
and nearly mobbed him.
The boy said that he discovered the
peculiar gift about two years ago and
had made n nuisance of himself about
the house with his limitations of cav
airy calls. Willie is fourteen years
old and works as an errand boy. A
policeman had to escort him off the
block.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
Please Tell Him the War Is Over, She
Asked and the Court Did.

If you were the wife of a civil war
veteran and he should get up in the
middle of every night and march
around the room beating a snare drum
and singing wen Rally Round the
Flag. Boys" wouldn't it strain your
patriotism? That's what tired wo-
man asked when she appeared the 9th
or day in the Myrtle avenue court
Brooklyn.
Your honor" said she to Magistrate
Naumcr. Il had two husbands, both
of whom are dead, before this one.
He Is the first war veteran | ever had.
| love my country and admire George
NJ. Cuhan. but | think there should bl
a line drawn somewhere in this stn
spangled banner business Why, cv-
cry night almost he gets up-my huS-
band, | mean-and awalons mao with
the cry: 'Hark. hear the rebel yell,
To arms, to arms" Then he gets an
old drum and, placing his Grand Army
hat ON his head, parades around, beat
ing the drum and singing Marching
Through Georgia. viii you please tell
him the war is QyerF
The husband assured the magistrate
that his wife exaggerated.
Judge" said he. Il only do that
when I'm soused."
oh l see"" said the court. Fired
with patriotism by rum, YOU get up
in the night and beat your drum"
On his promise to forget the war he
was discharged
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
a surprised Lion,

The man eating lions did not always
get their own way. Five Sikh carpen-
tiers made a staging eight feet high.
and on this they fixed their sleeping
tent. Each night they ascended by
means of ladder, which they drew
up after them They were warned
that it was not high enough. but were
content to believe iaaT God was all
powerful One Rin'.t they left the
edge of the ladder projecting beyond
the end of the STAGING \ hungry man
eater on the prowI observed this and.
thinking he could not fad q meat
more conveniently elsewhere, deter
mined to try how n carpenter tasted.
Calculating his spring. he leaped light
ly on to the proie ling ladder, which.
unfortunately for him, instantly tipped
up and toppled over. both falling heav-
ily to the ground The lion bolted: so
did all the men. making for the near
est trees.-from I'm the Grip of the
Nyika," by Colonel ]. II. L. Patterson
HOW she mules MIN.
"Skinphlint's wife certainly has re-
markable success in managing him.
wonder now she does It,
when he undertakes to deny her
anything she really wants she threat
ems to sue him for divorce"
docs he care so much for her.
them"
'Oh, no, it's not that, but he figures
that it IS cheaper to let her have her
own way than it would be TO either
defend the suit or pay alimony."- Chi
cago Post.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
(which Is For
Memory"
Nv MARION TRAVERS.
Copyrighted, 1903. by Associated
Literary Press.

A man and maid stood on the
porch OF little New England farm
house. The man had barely passed
his majority, and the years of the girl
numbered less than his by three. The
man was going hundreds of miles to
the westward, there to find n compe-
tence.
When he had succeeded the girl was
to come to him for the rest of the hap
py years. In his hands were two
sprigs Of rosemary. one of which he
gave to the maid.
IT'S for remembrance, Betty. Not
that we will either of us need it. dear,
but l shall carry it with me wherever
go"
''You know you'll always be in my
thoughts, Tom. III put it under my
pillow at night that l may dream of
you and wear 1t next my heart in wax
Ing hours that every beat may be for
you, Goodby, Tom, and God bless
YOU and send You back to me-" And
the maid turned her lips upward for
her lovers kiss.
"Goodby, Betty It won't be for
long, ana then we viii lie together for
the rest of our lives" And he gave
her one last caruss before he turned
and started down the layciod uatl
bound on the oUtJau.
Betty had beon mv.herios5 since her
sixth wear and at tine close of win
ters day the snul uf hm" r1lN0r left its
gauut frame. aua r.. wa alone.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17

things embraced in that word FIN

things embraced in that word "fn-
ished."
To her romantic soul came many eX-
periences, many temptations to surren-
der to what she thought was love, but
always she measured the depths of her
emotions by Aunt Bettys loyalty of
score of years.
Would | love him like that?" she
would ask of herself, and always the
suitor failed in the test
One afternoon she went to matt
nee at a downtown theater. AS she
was leaving the playhouse she was
confr4sted by a stalwart man, whose
agitation was greater than her own.
Betty Randallw he all but shouted
In his excitement.
"Auntie" gasped Betty.
"Are you Betty Randall?' queried
the stranger. "Of course not. You're
just child, and Betty would have
been more than twice your age II she
were alive" and he apologized for his
rudeness as he turned to go.
1t flashed over Betty in an instant
Could it be true? She decided to risk
It,
Tom" she called softly.
The man wheeled at the word and
stood staring at the girl.
"Are YOU Tom Wilson," she asked.
"And did you leave over twenty years
ago TO go out west, and she con-
tiuued.
Yes, yes Why-how-who are
youf" he demanded
'HettJ Randall Is my aunt said
Betty, land She has your spfiS Of rose
mary
"lle.e.s mine. he cried, ana he
plunged into mis- POCKET ana brought
Ioflh a worn Wa'iet.
nat night AF. wilson hAd l"h-
'@LN Wlsn bellt at the SHhooi' Sht ar
RANGED 10 go home the next morhtA-.
ana rom was TO loiioW the day al'e!
lie explained how ne mad been SI"S
for year from exposure While lost
IN the mountains, how ne wrote to The
old address, 'l1 -'t no reply.
lie haa gore back TO the Ne" lamp
shire town. Int no one could give hta
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
Keeping In Practice.

"You have broken my heart" sobbed
the young wife after their first quar-
REL
'I always was heart breaker"
jauntiiy replied the young husband.
But you have broken mine for the
last time"
"What-going to deprive yourself of
20 much pieasureY'
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
reaehino 1000 Sailor. to swi,..

Maneuvers are not the only activities
Of the American battleship feet now
at Guantanamo, in Cuba. A regiment
of seamen and q battalion of marines
encamped ashore for fortnight for
small arm target practice and drill, and
1000 men who cannot swim are being
instructed.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
BALLOON VIEW OF COMET.
C. j. Gidden Plans Ascension to Pho
toeraph Halley's Discovery.


toeraph Ralley's Discovery.
Charles J. Glidden, who has encir
cled the world in his automobile and
has made lrng distance balloon trips
is confident that Halley's comet can
be photographed next May from a bal
loon. Ascensions are planned in the
balloons Massachusetts and Spring
field, and Mr.. Glidden will have as
companions In his car Professor L. c
Pickering Of Harvard and other astro
nomical authorities.
He believes that some interesting
and profitable observations can be
made Of the comet about May l al
an elevation of three miles and that
excellent photographs, IL atmospher.
ical conditions are favorable, can be
obtained.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
IHE MANDARIN FAN
A Gift That Had In Itself a Sub
tie Meaning.
ev cLAR.ssA mAckIE.



ciation.l
Mrs. Hoffman was sewing in the
deep. cool veranda of the bungalow
Jeremy, her husband, was coming up
the path.
what have you got today, Jere-
N.Y." she asked laughingly as he laid
an oblong package on the wicker table
another cumsha (gifD, sweetheart, ;"
he smiled. clapping his hands at the
drowsy punkah boy on the mat.
The great fan swung again into mo-
tion as the boy awoke to energy, and
q servant Brought the inevitable tea
tray and tall glasses of iced lemonade
Jeremy Hoffman leaned back In his
chair with Il sigh of relief. ut has
been beastly hot down in the city,
Nell I've been closeted with Sheldon
all the afternoon over that tiresome
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
pitiahla
They are very respectable. though"
"Dear meF#
"sWhatr
"I did not think that they were that
poorn
Witness My Hand.

In the early days only few schol-
ars knew how to write. 1t was then
customary to sign a document by
smearing the hand with ink and i'm
pressing it upon the paper, accomps-
MED by the words, witness my
hand" Afterward the seal was intro
duced as a substitute for the hand
mark and was used with the words
above quoted, the two forming the sig
nature This is the origin of the ex-
preston rs used In modern documents.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17

"My ancestors came over in the May
flower" said the naughty lady.
"Oh. yes" rejoined Mrs. Cumrox,
with interest. mine didn't. None of
my family ever cared for those big ex-
cursions. s."-Washington Star.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17

going on long prospecting trip and
might be weeks, even months, from
civilization.
But when spring came and in turn
gave way to summer and summer fled
before the chilling blasts Of autumn,
and the weeks dragged drearily by un.
til year had passed. Betty abandoned
hope.
She wrote to the authorities of tho
frontier town where he usually out
fitted, but they could tell her nothing
Tom had left in April. He had not re-
turned. They knew nothing Of his fate.
In the passing of the years her grief
was softened, but the agony of her
loss was there, locked with her love in
the innermost recesses of her heart
Suitors came, but were sent away, not
hurt, but firmly, gently denied. Her
cousins married, little ones came to
bless them, and to all she was Aunt
Betty
There was another Betty now,
pretty, graceful maid of seventeen,
joying in her first gllmpses of social
life and rapturously happy because
SHt W dS JuSl llN ing. nCN were great
cronies, these two Bettys, and it was
often remarked that their resemblance
extended away and beyond the name.
Aunt Betty, why didn't you mar
ry?" asked the little Betty one after
noon when the two were having a
long. confidential chat.
Then faded old letters were brought
out and read, the dimmed tintype Of
a country boy with fine featured
face was cried over and the withered
sprlg of rosemary lifted gently from
the Jewel case, where 1t had reposed
so many years in state.
And the rosemary auntle?" querled
little Betty.
Rosemary is for remembrance,
:dearie. We each had sprig and
we're to keep 1t always, so that when
ever we saw 1t the others face would
appear in our Dreams" said auntie.
And do you dream of him yetY'
pursued the younger.
"Bless you, Betty. I'll always dream
of him, and pray now that after
death here may see him"
-And % that's the reason you dsdnV
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
His Early Home Coming.

"Does your husband carry a latch
key, Mrs. Homebody?"
mo, never knew him to-"
"Oh, then he comes in early! That
must be due to your training"
mot In the least. There Is always
some one up when be gets home in the
morning g."EChicago Record Herald.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17

Betty, how did you known
''Oh. l heard mamma talking about
it, But won't tell. auntie," she prom
ised penftently. But it's lovely, Aunt
Betty. It's perfectly splendid to love
so long and so hard when you know
he's dead Would he care, do you
think, If you married some one else?"
"He knew | never would" and the
older Betty sighed.
After that the little Betty had to go
away to school. She was sent to a
distant city to be taught all manner of
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
The Cows of Muscat

Muscat is famed as the hotbed of
smugglers In the Persian gulf, the
nearby desert tribes being regularly
supplied with arms despite the efforts
of the British patrol. But to the writ
er, reared OH a Missouri farm, the odd
antics of the cows of Muscat seemed
nothing short of freakish. They actu-
ally eat fish, No grass grows, so the
willy Arab teaches his family COW to
subsist on dates and dried fish. The
milk tastes queer to a foreigner,
which is probably why the Arab likes
it. He also claims it is richer and
makes more butter but most ridiou-
lous of all is the deception prdctlced
on cows when the calves are "weau-
ed" calfskin or sometimes a goat.
skin is stuffed with rags and tied not
far from where the mother COW is an
chored. This etiigy of her late lament
ed offspring soothes her nerves and
keeps her from going dry according
to Arabic tradition. - San Francisco
Chronicle.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
Turner's Little Afterthouaht.

An English critics reference to Tur-
ners fine LECTURE "The Wreck Buoy"
reminds a faithful newspaper reader
of curious anecdote In connection
with 1t. When Turner first sent this
picture to the Royal academy 1t was
hung among several brilliantly colored
pictures. On vanishing day Turner
found the effect of his dull gray rem
dering of a stormy sea altogether
spoiled by Its bright surroundings
Without moments hesitation he
painted in the lighted buoy In the fore
ground. and its dab of crimson light
showed 30 brilliantly In its gloomy set
ting that Turner's picture became the
prominent one. and its rivals on each
side were cast into the shade. 1t IL
curious. IL true. that the most notice
able feature OF the picture should have
been an Neutrality-suspicious. Tran
scriDt
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1910-03-17
ARKELL TRIED
TO BUY The sun
But Failed to Get Control Of
New York Paper.
ROOSEVELT As The EDITOR.

Former Owner of Judge Said That 10
He Had Succeeded the Ex-President
Might Have Proved a Thorn In the
Side of Wall Street.
w. j. Arkell of Canajoharie, N. Y,
former owner of Judge, the humorous
weekly, admitted the other night that
he had attempted to buy the New York
Sun and his hope had been to have
Theodore Roosevelt as editor. He
said:
Il am disappointed that my negotia-
lions with the Lafran estate did not
succeed am not sure we should al
together have made a hit Mr. RuoSe-
.ve!t, you see, would perhaps have
scared the financial coteries of Repub-
licauism in Wall street. But thinl;
we SHOULD have had big thing. There
is no doubt people would have wanted
to see what Colonel Roosevelt said
about things"
Expensive Gable Message to Africa.
Eumor has it that the regulations
with Mr.. Roosevelt were nearly com.
plete and that Mr. ArhnWs cable mgs-
sages to Africa cost um over 5000,
Mr.. Arkel laughed when asked if that
We're true.
"You can say he replied, that Colo
mel Roosevelt was asked, il You like
| won't say any more than that Of
course it is obvious the sun would be
an ideal pulpit for him from which
to address the world"
Mr.. Arkell was asked about a pub.
lished report that an agreement had
been come to with the executors to
buy the interest of the late w. NJ Laf-
fan in the Sun for $2,OOO,0O0, that Il
! discussion ensued as to what the poll
icy of the paper would be under its
new proprietorS and that when it was
| learned that Colonel Roosevelt was to
have control the sale was declared off.
THAT is not true" declared Mr. Ar
kell. THE truth is that l got in touch
with the Sun people to purchase and
offered 100000. They replied they
| had refused $3,500000. There our ne
| gotiations ended.
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23

II used 10 be thought that cross,
nervous person had bad disposi-
ton" Now it is known that ner-
vous condition often results from Kid
ney trouble.
There is a great deal OF uric acid
made In the human body. II is the
duty of the kidneys TO filter OF this
uric acid. but when the kidneys are
weak. the poison is peddled about the
body by the blood. and IL initiates the
whole nervous system, causing head
ache. dizzy spells, FITS OF blues,
neuralgia attacks, rheumatic pain,
weak eyesight dull. tired days, and
a constant inclination TO worry over
tribes.
You feel as IL you cant stand any
noise about you The little ones often
wonder what makes mother SO cross
and nervous The business man is
ill.tempered with his help. and makes
a big fuss over every little thing that
goes wrong.
Another effect of uric poisoning is
dropsy, or bloating-puffy pouches be-
low the eyes, swollen wrists. ankles
and limbs.
Kidney trouble makes urinatlon ir'
regular, passages too frequent. or
scanty and painful, and gradually
brings on attacks OF gravel. stone In
the kidney or bladder
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23
$4,000 FOR MISSIONS.
Woman's Jubilee Results in Pledges
For This Amount.

As a result OF the three days wom'
ans missionary jubilee held in De-
troit. the pubilee collections and
pledges for foreign missionary work
are expected To total $4,000. accord
ing 10 announcements made Monday
evening I'm the final rally held i'm the
Wuodward-ave. Baptist church.
Denominational meetings were held
throughout the city. Monday after
noon. when ways and means were dis
cussed or raising the money for the
Jubilee gift. and reports from these
meetings were brought TO the general
rally in the evening. Up TO date In
dianapolis leads the list Of cities with
Ss5. 900, followed by Kansas City. s55
600. and Chicago $34.00 Mrs. Helen
Montgomery, of Rochester, n. Y, and
the Rev. l.. r. Headland OF China.
gave the closing talks.
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23

keys flesh because they believe him
20 be human They also believe ne
can talk. but pFetends not TO know
how for fear OF being put TO work.
The orang-outaug is often more than
four feet tall. His arms are long SO
are his fingers His eyes and ears
are almost human and his nose nat.
When he bites his teeth make more
of an impression than those OF the
widest animal in the jungle. He
also has a luxuriant growth OF side
whiskers, and often little beard on
his chin. The orang-outang loves
fruit, but when unable to steal fruit
he prefers snakes.
The gorilla is even more powerful
The Carthaginians knew OF MN De
fore the Christian era, but the mo
world first heard OF this monster
little over half a century ago Wheh
Du Chailu. a Frenchman, and Reao,
an Englishman. brought the story OF
this king OF the African jungle 10 Eu-
rope.
The gurilla's arms are SO poWerlui
that he can squeeze a human being.
lion. or a tiger 10 death IN one EN-
brace. He is native on the west coast
of Africa in the swampy jungies near
/ the equator. His home Is in the trees.
and the gorilla family is usually maue
up OF one or two males and NUMBER
of females and their babies. The Sor-
| lila and their babies love bananas,
nuts and fruits The male gorilla is
especially quick In his movements. lie
can kill a panther or leopard by
eraspiug the animals throat. then bit
/ ing him TO death But the gorilla
meyer attacks wild animals unless the
animal attempts 10 harm the baby
gorillas and their mother.
The baboon lives in colonies in the
mountains OF Abyssinia. In one col
ony are frequently found a hundred
! baboons. OF which about four are
males ana the rest females and ba-
HES. They eat herbs, roots and In
sects. They are not nearly as tall as
the gorilla. but fully as intelligent,
Unlike all other monkeys the females
! OF this specie carry their babies on
/ their backs, instead OF on their
| breasts
! The haboon has a language and re-
primands his youngsters when they
| are naughty. slaps them gently when
worse. and IL the offense is aggravat-
ed LAYS them across the knee and
gives them a good spanking. The ba-
boon is also particular about his food
He collects herbs, roots and insects
and turns them over to Mrs. There
pitheaus Geleda. who carefully asserts
the supply seems to look for germs.
and throws away the unwholesome
parts
Then there is the chimpanzee. much
smaller-only three feet and hat
high. The female is about foot
shorter. In it's natural state more
than any OF the other of the simlan
species. the chimpanzee assumes an
upright position. but when pursued he
drops on all fours These monkeys
rarely flourish in captivity. In their
native haunts in Upper and Lower
Guinea. they build huts in trees. Inc
upper lip Is long, bare and wrinkled.
The mouth curves mp and gives the
face the appearance OF perpetual
broad grin.
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23
DETROIT TESTIMONY.

Mrs. L. +. Hewitt, % DetloH Court
Detroit. Mich. says About seven
years ago | suffered from severe al
tacks OF kidney and bladder com.
plant. My back was very painful and
there was a heavy pain over my kid
neys that kept me in constant misery
was also subject To headaches and
attacks Of dizziness and my health
was all run down. The doctors medi
cine helped me temporarily. bur il
Was not until I used Doans Kidney
Pills that | had any hope OF gettin;
lasting relief. This preparation soon
restored me to good health and |
publicly endorsed IT, / still have I'M
limited confidence In Doans Kidney
pills"
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23
TIRED DAYS-NERvOUSD DAYS. BACKACHE DAYS

You can't afford to neglect weak
kidneys as there is danger OF fatal
Bright's disease. or diabetes
Doan's Kidney Pills strengthen sick
kidneys, cure backache, regulate the
urine and restore the normal blood
altering action of the kidneys. This
drives out uric acid and ends uric
poisoning. Plenty OF proof i'm tn"
cases cured right here In your own
city. Investigate this ease
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23
Leaves Estate To Sister.

TIL will OF Miles F. Heavy. found
dead last Friday night out Michigan
ave-. was filed for probate. TUESDAY.
He leaves all of his estate To his
sister. Mrs. Annie Coffee. No men.
tion is made in the instrument OF his
two brothers.
The Detroit times., 1910-11-23
House Burns to Ground.

The residence of Anthony Leaur-
wicz. JOS. Campau-ave. and Theodore
ST. was burned almost 10 the ground
late Monday night. The occupants
OF the house were all asleep when the
fire broke out hut escaped without
injury. The damage is estimated az
s., 900.