The Birmingham age-herald., 1910-01-15
JUST HAYES BIC HATS, BUY
 WHAT CAN 4 POOR GIRL DO
Old Fashioned Unless Wearing Hat of Huge Dimensions Lawmakers Tardy-Looks Like Sailboat--Troubles
 At Church-Had to Sit In the Last Row
BY DOLLY DALRYMPLE.

the stable door after the horse has been stolen. They allow poor unsuspecting femininity to become accustomed to and dearly love the big hats and then sud- denly they decree that we can't have them. That is the sort of thing that makes women want woman suffrage and advocate the ballot as strenuously as the Rev. Anna Howard Shaw and Mrs Carrie Chapman Catt.'
 There are occasions when large hat is the only proper thing to wear." continued Bettina. "In fact, at fash ionable afternoon function I should be positively ashamed to appear in one of the meager Merry Widow creations this season. We thought them huge last year but this year when
 "A hat is big it's very, very big
 And when it's small it's awful" she paraphrased.
 well, of one thing um morally sure,' said I, "and that is that large hat should never be worn when the wind Is blowing like 1t has been lately
 Certainly not,' said Bettina. Tt be- hayes like sailboat without 8 rudder. and the frantic manner in which l have been holding mine on this morning made me look like a drunken woman as l came through the thoroughfare."
 All the men one meets seem to have a cynical smile on their faces," said l, ''as they observe us swinging on for dear life to our hats, like Mrs. Leslie Car ter holding on to the rope and swinging out across the stage in the Heart of Maryland She surely could not have had 8 steadier grip on the rope than have on my hat"
 But the place that nearly destroys me is the meeting house." said Bettina. When I go there with big hat on and see the good sisters and brothers glaring at me as though I were a disciple of the devil in such a creation, feel like sinking through the floor"
 The church Is no place to wear large hats" I stated emphatically to Bet tina.
 ''So I have discovered" replied she. 1T had a nice little lesson last Sunday on that subjest. l have always taken par ticular pains to sit on the very front row when l wore big hat and maintain a perfectly perpendicular posture through out the service, looking neither to the right nor to the left, so as not to disturb those back of me. But as I said, last Sunday moved the fraction of an inch to get a hymn book, and To and behold. heard back of me such a rustling and moving and commotion, as though all the people had decided to leave the church. Being a sensitive person I at once real ized that 1t was my large hat that had obstructed the line of vision, and that the people back of me were adjusting their positions, so that they might see the better. I became mortified to death and turned red as a beet and squirmed and twisted and turned, I was SO ner- yous, but l. never moved the fraction of an inch after the hymn book episode"
 ''Ali of which goes on to prove that if women sat in church with heads un- covered there would be no cause for such disturbance l suggested.
 "A few days after this performance" said Bettina. two of my friends invited me to go to 8 lecture in the afternoon. Desiring to look my best, I again donned the large hat and sallied forth. It hap pened when we got to the hall that I re- membered the experience had in church, and 80 I suggested to my friends that we occupy the last row in the house. Of course. they objected, and said that one of them couldn't hear well, and the other couldn't see. and there we were! l then suggested that they sit in the front row and leave me and my hat in the back of the hall"
 And how did 1t all turn out?" I asked interestedly.
 Why we compromised by sitting half way" said Bettina, and as the people back of us were scattered about very sparsely, I could always find a way to pose so that my big hat was not in the way"
 And the audience back of you could arrange itself so that your offending headgear wouldn't interfere I suggested as Bettina's jeremiad was brought to an abrupt conclusion by our luncheon be- ing served