davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-05-21

81. PauI's Lutheran Church, III Clin-
ton. street. Theodore Claus, pastor.
German service at 10 a. m.
English Sunday school at 1880 p. m.
ST. Pau1s Lutheran League Thursday
at S p. m.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
- The -
Scrap Book
Appearances peceitfui.

She had all the earmarks of a green
stenographer, and 1t therefore occurred
to the fresh young clerk that here
was one whom he could guy TO his
hearts content After luncheon hour,
when all the men were in the office,
seemed the best time to show what a
wag he was.
Tipping them that he was going to
have some fun, he went up to her and
said, "Oh. Miss T.. heard the funni-
est story today" and he proceeded to
get off a time honored patriarch of a
joke.
When he had finished she looked at
him guilelessly and said, "Oh, Mr.. ",
If you ever hear the mate to that will
you tell me?"
"The mateY said he, rather bewil-
dered.
"Well. you know" said she, "Noah
took a pair Of all things into the ark
with him. and now that l know one of
the Jokes really / would love to know
the other."-Lippincott's.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Accordinn TO Formula.

Judge Pennypacker was once asked
by his brother Harry during a session
of court for the loan of So. Harry
walked to the desk and whispered the
request in the judges ear. The latter,
looking down over the top of his
glasses without the suggestion of
smile, said loud enough to be heard
throughout the room:
put your application in writing and
present it to the court in proper man
ner"
Mr.. Pennypacker, thinking the
judges insistence upon regularity to
be merely regard for the dignity OF the
court, wrote out the request and hand
ed it to the clerk of the court who in
turn passed it to the bench. The
judge read it quietly and seriously and
then interrupted the pending trial long
enough to say:
Application for loan of So made to
this court is received and refused"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Is Your Blood Pure?

Does your head feel heavy and ache?
your throat dry, nose stopped up and hot,
no appetite, little chilly feelings creeping
along the spine, hands hot, feet cold,
tongue fured, eyes burn, you feel sick all
over' Ever felt this way before'
You are bilious. Nip it in the bud; do
the right thing first. Promptness will work
wonders. Start using Smiths Pineapple
and Butternut Pills, take two to four at
bedtime. You won't need any more; they
will cure you in a night. Don't wait till
you get down on your back, then it will
take longer, but, even then, these pills will
work wonders. They promote the harmo.
nious action of the stomach, liver and
bowels.
Get bottle OF your dealer today and
take them home with you and use them
when you experience any departure what
ever from healthy standard, They will
make your blood rich, red, pure. Physi-
clans use and recommend. They form no
habit. You should always keep them on
hand. These little Vegetable Pills will
ward off many ills.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
poN,Ts.

Don't let your turkeys loaf over on
the next farm and eat the feed and
then expect to claim them without OPP
position in the fall.
Don't trust to luck and neglect to
lock your plant at night. Those open
coops will be visited by Skunk, Wea-
sci & Co.
Don't give up good job and go into
the poultry business thinking it's a
bonanza.
Don't let mice multiply under the
brooders nor rats feast on your chicken
meat.
Don't let pheasants run where the
trees are yew. Yew leaves are poison
too.
Don't allow hens out where "red dew
ils' run. They will>run over them just
for fun.
Don't expect your trade to be i'm
mense In size when you fail to regular
ly advertise.
Don't let the hogs eat the turklets up
nor keep the chicken killing pup.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
JOHN HENPEcks REVENGE.

John Henpeck when he took a wife
Thought that meant happiness for life,
But wedlock often turns out wrong
Because a woman's tongues too long.
And then her mother would chin in
And round her tongue would spin at him.
SO John got henpecked night and day
And sought TO take his life away.
So unto a deep creek he hied,
Determined on sad suicide,
When fairies whispered from the wood,
why don't you show your true man
hood?
you surely have punkin head
If by the nose you may be led
Why don't you play trick or two
And show those torments who's who?'
Just then John saw an oaken plank
That reached unto the other bank.
He loudly laughed: "Ive got em now!
Just watch me stop their bow WOW,
wow!
'I'll simply fix that oaken plank
Where they cross DER to yonder bank.
So when they go to Aid society,
Where scolds and gossips are almighty,
They'll get a ducking good and deep.
My, won't l laugh to hear 'em weep?
I'll let 'em soak awhile in there
Until they get more debonaire."
Now, soon they came around the turn.
Those women who had words to burn,
And when they got out on the plank
Tip! Splash, Murder" In they sank
The bank right there was very steep.
The creek itself was also deep.
They stood on tiptoe to their chin,
So even yelling chance was slim,
While John, who hid across the way,
Rejoced to hear those two scolds pray
30 Lord, just get us safe to shore
And well not scold John any more"
You bet he worked the hero bluff
When he was sure they had enough,
And. though this happened long ago.
John still is their great, brave hero.
No need to split a scolding tongue;
No need to amputate a lung;
No need to throw a half ton brick;
Just let 'em drop into the creek.
c NJ. BARN1TZ.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
HEROIC Courtesy.

A French writer on "The Revolution
the Empire and the Restoration" cites
an amusing instance of what he calls
heroic courtesy. Percy, Lord Beverly.
invited to dine with him marquis
who was one of the most valiant sol.
diers of the army of Conde. Wishing
to honor his guest and the cause which
he served, that of the French king.
the English peer ordered his butler to
bring him a bottle of fine wine 100
years Of age, "a ray Of sun shut in
crystal"
He opened 1t carefully and offered
a glass TO the marquis, saying, "If you
deem 1t worthy the honor, will you
drink in this wine the health OF the
kingY
The marquis tasted the wine. "How
do you like ity' asked the host. "Ex-
quisite," replied the marquis. Then"
said Lord Beverly. "fnish the glass.
Only in a full glass can one drink the
health of so great and so unfortunate
a king" Without hesitation the mar.
quis did az he was bidden. Only when
the Englishman tasted the wine him.
self did he learn that what he had
forced on his guest was castor oil.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
SALT CAT A PIGEON TONIC.

Pigeons, like cows. need salt, and
the English make the following mix
ture-Salt Cat-that furnishes them the
salt needed and splendid tonic be
sides. It's a standard:
Salt Cat.-Dry pulverized yellow
clay. one peck; fine air slaked lime.
one-half peck; oatmeal, one-half peck;
fine charcoal, one-half peck: mealed
oyster shell. one-half peck.
Add four ounces each Of ground
anise, caraway. cumin and coriander
seeds.
Mix thoroughly, then add for each
half gallon of mixture one-half pint Of
water, two tablespoonfuls of Douglas
mixture and heaping handful of fine
salt
Keep the Jumps before birds at all
times or pulverize for hopper.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

The Story Of an Esrly Portrait Of
Firth BY lim5.F.
Here is the amusing history of one
of Frith's own por,rJits Painted by
himself. The celebrated artist had
entirely forgotten it's existence until a
friend entered his studio in London
one morning and asserted that a CAPT
tai picture Of himself was on view in
a small shop In Great Portland street.
"1t's not a bit like what you are now,"
observed the friend, but 1t may have
resembled you some years ago. Go
and look at It,"
Mr. Firth went and found his own
image after an estrangement of forty
FIVE years. He determined to buy 1t,
though he had not the faintest recol-
lection of having painted 1t. "Ah, a
Portrait" said Firth to the woman in
charge of the shop after he had pre-
tended to examine several other works.
"Whose likeness is that?"
"That," said the lady, sis a portrait
of the celebrated artist, Firth, painted
by himself"
"Why. he must be an elderly man."
put in the artist.
The woman remarked that he was
young once.
''Humphw quoth the genial Firth.
"Not much of picture"
To this the woman demurred and
asked 600 for the canvas. 1t was
Frith's turn to appear surprised.
well" replied the shopkeeper with
out moving a muscle, ''it cost us near
ly as much. We shall make a very
small profit. You see, it is very val
liable because the artist is deceased"
Deceased" exclaimed the astonish-
ed painter. Dead. do you mean"
"Yes, sir; died of drink. My hus-
band attended the funeral"
Firth bought the picture, but did not
revive for some time.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
What the Sandwich Was For.

A stately old professor was ap-
preached by a young student one day
in the western colleges. Trying hard
to keep back smile. the young man
asked:
professor, you say you are an ex-
pert at solving riddles, don't youY"
Il claim that am, my boy"
well, then, can you tell me why a
man who has seen London on a foggy
day and man who has MT seen Lon
don on foggy day are like a ham
sandwich
The professor studied for long
time, venturing several answers, which
proved to be wrong. Finally, at his
wits end, he said:
Il give it up
Its easy" said the other
Give it up," repeated the professor.
why" was the reply, zone has seen
the mist and the other has missed the
scene. Ha, ha. Catch on?"
"Of course | do, you lunatic! But
what has the sandwich to do with it?''
After the youngster had recovered
from a spell Of laughter he chuckled:
'Oh, that's what you bite on"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

SHERIFF'S SALE OF VALUABLE
- REAL ESTATE. BY virtue of process
issued out of the Court of Common
Pleas of Wayne county, and State of
Pennsylvania, and to me directed
and delivered, l have levied on ana
will expose to public sale, at the
Court House in Honesdale, on
THURSDAY, MAY 3, 1910, z L. NJ.
All of defendants right, title and
interest in the following described
property, viz:
All that certain piece or parcel of
land situate in the township of Pal
myra, county of Wayne, and State of
Pennsylvania, bounded and described
as follows, to wit: Beginning at a
post on the side of the public road
leading from Hawley to Honesdale;
thence along said road south
seventy-two and one-half degrees
east twelve and One-half rods
to a pine tree; thence south twenty
six degrees east four and three
tenths rods to post; thence by lands
of George Atkinson north sixty-seven
and one-half degrees east thirty-six
rods to a heap of stones by a chest
nut tree; thence north twenty-five
and one-half degrees east one
hundred and thirty-three and one
half rods to a stones corner in line
of lands late of Russell Daniels;
thence along said line of land south
sixty-seven and one-half degrees west
seventy-seven and one-fourth rods
to post on the berme bank of the
Delaware & Hudson canal; thence
along said berme bank of the canal
its several courses and distances to a
stake near and below lock numbered
32 on said canal, and thence along
the lands of the Del. & Hudson
Canal north 16 and one-half degrees
east and eight-tenths rods to post
corner; north So degrees east rods
to post corner and north SO degrees
west IA rods to place of beginning.
Containing As acres and 76 perches-
See Deed Book No. 80, page 257.
About acres of above lands are
improved. Upon same is two-story
frame house and two small frame
barns.
Seized and taken in execution as
the property of Marie f. O'Donneh
at the suit of F. L. Tuttle. No. 27S
June Term 1909. Judgment, $172.6O.
MumfOrd, Attorney.
TAKE NOTICE-All bids and costs
must be paid on day of sale or deeds
will not be acknowledged.
NJ. LEE BRAMAN, Sheriff
Honesdale, Pa, Apr. 8, 1910.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

Please let me know what to do for
that rough scab that gets on my roost-
er's legs. l like chickens and want
to be fancier some day. but just
now ! am fighting it out all alone.
my parents won't help me at all.
but l work hard, and my chickens have
paid their bills right along"
Now, isn't it a pity this last boys
parents don't know a good thing when
they see it. Hope your boy isn't fight
ing it out all alone" Hope you're in
terested in his pleasures and employ
ments.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Almost Too Far,

Very good repartee-very good-but
perhaps little strong"
The speaker was prominent actor
He resumed:
1T reminds me of dialogue at the
Lambs club between a New England
poet and Scot.
Bah? said the Scot hearing that
the poet had press agent. Bah, you
Americans are possessed with an itch
for notoriety!
'The poet tossed back his long locks
fiercely.
"'Well,' he cried, AN itch for no.
toriety is better than notoriety for
but with Tut, tut, gentlemenr" 4"
said the actor, 81 ended this unseemly
wrangle ere it went too far"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
LETTERS FROM THE BOYS.

.6 GnS FEN0N oO
Boys will be boys" and they do like
pets, and their favorite pets are chick
ems.
Boys are gradually leaving Bantams
for the larger breeds, which simply
proves they are getting more practical
A boy writes us: 81 am selling Off my
Sebrights and intend to buy White
Wyandottes. Bantams are pretty, but
l want chickens l can make money
on"
Another writes for rooster and
says: II used to have rabbits and
guinea pigs. l sold them and bought
Game Bantams. For three years now
l have been keeping White Rocks and
Dottes and | have been saving the
money from eggs and culls and have
$40 in the bank.
Il have paid my feed bills, and
mother uses all the eggs she wants,
besides n chicken sometimes"
Here's a third letter that isn't just
so pleasant: II am reading your Notes
every week and keeping them all.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
kuRlos FROM CORRESPONDENTS

Q. How can l get my roosters TO
grow their new tails in time for fall
fairs? | have lost the ribbon twice
because my birds had molted out their
tails and were knocked by the judge.
A. About six or eight weeks before
the fair gently pull the tail feathers
Q. Please tell me at what price
squads sell My homers do not seem
to know how to build a nest that will
keep their eggs from rolling out and
breaking. How can | prevent this
loss? A. Price of squads depends on
quality. size and season. The rich do
not object to SO per dozen for fine
birds At seaside resorts they pay as
high as $3.50. For cold storage you
get from $2.25 to $3.50. Wholesale
winter prices run from So to $4. Pro
breakage will cease.
Q. VIII you please inform me how
to stop the blood when a cocks comb
has been cut off? \. Obtain d soft
feather length Of wound and cover the
raw surface This will at once stop
the blood. Keep bird by himself until
wound heals.
O. How can | stop egg eating? A.
Feed the egg fiends nothing but egg
shells until they get a surfeit. This
invariably cures.
Q. Can bacteria penetrate an egg
shell? If so, which is more apt TO
contain germs, fertile or infertile
egg? A. In a recent test at the Pas
teur institute nearly half of the fer
tilted eggs contained bacteria, while
the infertile eggs were free from
them.
Q. What has been your experience
in crossing the different breeds of tur-
keys? a. We have found cross bred
turkeys not so vigorous as pure bred
and more susceptible to disease.
Q. Where may | secure a copy Of
the new STANDARD OF Perfection?"
VIII it be the criterion for judging at
next winters shows? A. The new
Standard" will not be out until after
show season is over. The old "Stand-
ard" will be used by judges and is for
sale by the different poultry journals.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Didn't Startle Her.

A certain prominent New York busi-
ness man is known as "high roller
"a chandelier fell in the night at his
house." explained one of his friends.
''and in the morning at breakfast he
said to his wife, with a laugh:
what did you think, my love, when
you heard the chandelier fall in the
dead silence Of the night?
81 thought, darling his wife an
swered. that you had been detained
on business again and was getting up
stairs as quietly as you could"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
FEATHERS AND EeesHELLs.

When our birds droop their wings
and pant on the roOst we chase them
into the yards for the night. The dew
freshens them and in the morning they
are bright and lively.
We find metal roofing on poultry
buildings a pretty hot proposition. Tar
roof the same. They retain the heat
so long There is nothing better than
cedar shingles.
When you take up a breed its pop
ularity must be considered or you will
be stranded with a lot of birds you
cant sell For meat, eggs and fancy
the Wyandottes and Rocks are now
the rage.
The drought in many sections the
past season made oats very light.
Threshers could blow this light STUFF
out, but as they ere paid by the bushel
1t is carried to the granary. Buy oats
by weight this year and be sure your
horse and hens aren't cheated with
chaff.
Interest In poultry culture is shown
by the organization of new poultry
associations everywhere. The Blooms
burg Pa) association just organized
with 100 members, the Sunbury or
ganizatlon held its first show last year
with 700 entries, while the Lewisburg
association, only two years old, has
the largest membership in Pennsyl-
vania. These three associations are
within an hours ride OF each other.
When a watchdog gets very little
meat 1t isn't much Of job to bribe
him with a piece of round steak. It's
better to feed your dog cheap meat
than to raise chickens for thieves to
| eat
Twenty-seyen thousand hens, 10000
housed on the farms of a Lakewood
| IN. j. poultry company. They are
buying up adjoining farms and open
ing egg stores in the cities. Don't say
''Do chickens payT
At cornhusking 1t is poor economy
field unless hogs follow the huskers
and clean them up.
II turkeys clean up this yellow corn
yellow diarrhea will clean them up
and you'll clean up no yellow coin.
So many pigeon breeders allow the
droppings TO accumulate and cake on
the loft floors,
If you intend to raise chicks on the
same ground next season. lime the sur
face well, plow 1t under and sow
wheat Roll this smooth and keep the
chickens off TIL 1t Is well grown.
V. Mo .TsUruA.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
The Tattered Flag.

A general on his return from the
wars showed his family regimental
flag tattered, torn and riddled with
bullets which he had personally cap
tured from the enemy. On the follow
ing morning the trophy was to be
presented to the commander In chief.
When he called for the flag his indus
trious wife brought it to him smiling
ly and, presenting it to him with a
look OF proud satisfaction. said:
James, sat up all night mend
ed the flag, and now-see, 1t looks al
most as good as new"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
"YoU LOSE" HAM SAID.

them at the dock at Quebec. One was
a particularly dignifed representative
of the London Times, much impressed
with his importance.
George said a friend who was
with him, you'll never be able to
make a dent on that man."
Ham looked him over. "I'll bet you
a dinner. he said, that he'll be call
ing me George before midnight"
Done"
At $50 that night Ham called up
his friend. You lose" Ham said.
HE has not only called me George
but he now has his arm around my
neck and is calling me George -
Philadelphia Saturday Evening Post.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
HoIlsnd.

Holland, known as North and South
Holland, forms part OF the northern
part of the Netherlands. These prov
inces are composed of land rescued
from the sea and defended by i'm
mense dlkes. Holland was inhabited
by the Batvi in the time of Caesar.
who made a league with them. 1t be-
came part Of Gallia Belgica and after
ward Of the kingdom Of Austrin. From
the tenth TO the fifteenth century It
was governed by counts under the
German emperors. Holland was az
one time a Dutch republic. II was
created kingdom in 1906, and Louis
Bonaparte, father of Napoleon ILL.,,
was declared king.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Il Never Comes Aoain.

There are gains for all our losses,
There are balms for all our pains,
But when youth, the dream, departs
1t takes something from our hearts,
And II never comes again.
We are stronger and are better
Under manhood's sterner reign.
Still we feel that something sweet
Followed youth with flying feet
And will never come again.
Something beautiful is vanished,
And we sigh for 1t in vain.
We behold it everywhere,
On the earth and in the air,
But 1t never comes again.
Richard II. Stoddard.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Rattlad.

He-I trust you have forgiven me
for not recalling your name the other
evening. although remembered your
face perfectly.
She-Oh, yes; but my name is such
a plain one l should think you would
have remembered 1t quite as readily.
He-Not at all. Your name isn't
half as plain as-er-beg pardon; your
face is much more aristocratic than
your-I mean to say that your name
is harder than
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

~ Office OF UNIFORM PRIMAR-
" IES-In compliance with Sec
ton 8, of the Uniform Primary Act.
page 81, p. L., 1906, notice is here
by given to the electors of Wayne
county of the number of delegates
to the State conventions each
party is entitled to elect, names of
party offices to be filled and for what
offices nominations are to be made
at the spring primaries to be held on
SATURDAY, JUNE 4, 1910.
REPUBLICAN,.
l person for Representative in
Congress
l person for Senator in General
Assembly.
person for Representative in
General Assembly.
2 persons for delegates to the State
Convention.
/ person to be elected Party Com
mitteeman in each election district.
DEMOCRATIC.
l person for Representative in
Congress.
l person. for Senator in General
Assembly.
l person for Representative in
General Assembly.
l person for Delegate to the State
Convention.
l person to be elected Party Com
mitteeman in each election district.
PROHIBITION.
l person for Representative in
Congress.
l person for Senator in General
Assembly.
person for Representative in
General Assembly.
persons for Delegates to the State
Convention.
3 persons for Alternate Delegates
to the State Convention.
/ person for Party Chairman.
/ person for Party Secretary.
/ person for Party Treasurer.
Petition forms may be obtained
at the Commissioners office.
Petitions for Congress, Senator
and Representative must be filed
with the Secretary of the Common
wealth on or before Saturday. May
! 7, 1910. Petitions for Party OFF,
GERS, committeeman and delegates TO
! the state conventions must be filed
at the Commissioners office on or
before Saturday. May IA, 1910.
]. Il. VAUDEVILLE,
]. X. HORNBECK,
T.. G.. MADDEN,
Commissioners.
Attest:
George p. Ross, Clerk.
Commissioners Office,
Honesdale. Pa. April 4. 1910.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27

The COurt-So you ask divorce from
this man on the ground Of mental in
capacity. What proof have you that
he's insane7 The Woman-Who said
he was insane, your honor? The Court
Why, you say he is mentally incapa-
bic. The Woman-Yes; incapable of
understanding that I'm boss.
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Il. wn,,Id Mad IL.

A professor of chemistry in a med
ical college was examining his class
and asked the question, Suppose you
were called to attend a patient who
had swallowed a heavy dose of oxallc
acid, what would you administer
There was silence In the room for
some seconds. for none OF the pupils
knew the answer.
Finally the youngest Of the students
murmured as a sort Of suggestion rath-
er than a solution. Spiritual consola-
hon"
The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-04-27
Enthusiasm DuIled.

Don't you feel as If you would like
to leave footprints in the sands of
timeT' asked the ambitious citizen.
NO" answered Mr.. Crosslots gloom
lily; ''out where | live the mud is eight
cen inches deep. and l don't feel as If
wanted to see another footprint as
long as l live" ."-Washington Star.