Decorah public opinion. (Decorah, Winneshiek County [Iowa]) 1895-1928, 1910-04-20
BAILEY ON THE DENTIST.
Editor of Britt Tribune Gives His
Opinion of Prominent
Profession.

greater strides been made than In
dentistry. The dentists field is CON-
posed of large acreage. He has a
strong pull, and the openings that
are presented to him are varied and
many of them large in possibilities.
He usually does his work with great
pains, and has made bowling sue
cess of the business.
In ancient times men were Sc
lected in each community to extract
teeth, which was done by striking
them with an axe, and if by chance
the tooth was extracted without
killing the patient it was an acct
dent and the man who performed
the feat was called an accidentist.
In after times, improved by time
and enlightenment, a hammer and a
cold chissel were used and the pre-
fix was droped, making him a plain
dentist.
When a dentist gets looking
glass in one hand and pair of
forceps in your mouth and then
asks if it hurts, proper etiquette is
to make slight bow, drop the
hands to the side and say: "Quite
excessively, yes," or, Eyes, indeed,
overwhelmingly So" This always
makes him smile and is a feat in ar
ticulationSthat you are always proud
of. A hollow tooth is always a de-
light to dentist, because nature
abhors vacuum and he is a child of
nature. A dentists chief instru-
ments of torture are gimlets, brads.
punches, picks, spikes, prods, and
prizes, with several others that he
uses in extreme cases. The dentist
does not use so many large words
as the regular practicing physician,
but he has few that can be ar
ticulated safely where a part of the
teeth are missing in each jaw. These
are hard to spell, but they get right
at the root of things when you do
spell them.
A dentist is never superficial: h.
gets right at the root of tie matter.
They are like the. sails of a boat,
they draw and fill. When he draws
1t is not on his imagination nor on
yours-it is real. He is a man of
push. When he pushes his forceps
into your mouth, tongue cannot ex-
press your feelings. There is no
room for one to do so. Good dentists
are rare. but this not right. They
should be boiled clear through.
Dentists would not use so many
hard words as they do if they had to
spell them first. Dentists have no
license to murder; that is the reason
why they always stop pulling just
before youEare dead.
A dentist has no right to put
more than one hand in your mouth
at the same time. He has to keep
one free to scratch his nose with.
However, there is no law that pre-
vents him from changing hands at
will. 1t takes but few minutes to
reduce cavity to a minimum and
about the same time to reduce your
pocket book to thank We, num-"
1t is better to be a horse doctor
than a dentist, for when a horse
doctors patients kick he can rope
'em; when a dentists patients kick
he has to put more looking glasses
in their mouths and tell them
pleasant story. When a horse doc
tor loses his patience he says cuss
words. When a dentist loses his
he is sued for $4,000 damages for
malpractice and kicked out of the
church. Yes, it is better to be a
horse doctor than a dentist.
After all, dentists are useful.
They are the only ones who will
stand still and let you tell all you
want about that tooth-how it aches
by spells but not when you are with
in one mile of a dentist. They don't
pretend to cure b absent treat
ment; in fact they want to be pres
ent to an overwhelming extent. You
need never lose a single tooth, or
a double one If you tell the dentist
about them. He will find every one
of them. He will tell you that dou-
bic tooth will come out singly, and
that the biggest fool on earth has
just as many wisdom teeth as the
philosopher. If dentist has a sec
ret by which he can make a front
tooth look better than any one else
can, he can't keep the secret, for it's
soon in everybody's mouth. When
dentist dies III Is uSua1Iy from old