davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

What has become of the old-fash.
Toned youth who grew long hair for
every football season, even though
he never got any closer to the game
than the grand stand?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

If one had ones choice of deaths
that by the administration of hot
mince pie over a period of about sew
enty-five years would seem as de-
sirable as any.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27
STATE OF

- " VtUtV'
!, Cornelius Roach, Secretary of Stats
Of the State of Missouri. hereby. certify
that the foregoing is a full, true and
complete copy of the nine joint and CON.
current resolutions Of the Forty-fifth
General Assembly of the State of Mis-
souri, of the proposed amendments to the
Constitution Of the State of Missouri:
stitution proposed by initiative petition.
to be submitted to the qualified voters al
the State of Missouri at the general cleo
ton to be held on Tuesday, the eighth
day of November, 1910.
In testimony whereof, / h%ereunto sat
my hand and affix the Great Seal Of the
State Of Missouri. Done at office in the
City of Jefferson. this 9Th day of SEN
TENDER, A.. d. 1910.
[Seal.l
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

pounds, Of which 100000 will be-
spent in the first veal. For such an
absurdly small sum can the desert be
once more turned into fertile land.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Any man who Is inclined to feel
naughty should stop ana consider that
according to the census he is Just
about $780, 900, 000th part of the o
Iation of this country.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

When song writing has been intro
duced in the schools will the pupils
a their arithmetic lessons home
and try them on the piano?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

In the matter of joy-riding it is be-
coming harder than ever to tell a steal
from a borrow.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Speaking of menu French, it is a
fact that English is expressive enough
to designate all that the ordinary
man wants to eat.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Now that New York has abandoned
the horse cars we may entertain
hopes Of her one day being a real I'D.
to-date and e%nterprising village.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

According to an eastern writer
woman is responsible for all Ameri,
cas- woes. Women should now an
the hcbble and clear her skirts.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

: An attempt is being made to Ameri-
canize hotel menus. Pork And"
white Wings" "One in the Dark
and Ham on Rye"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Aeroplane flights and balloon races
are fascinating, but think how good
the walking is!
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

If your digestion is bad it's because
you lack sand" A spoonful with
each meal, says the doctor.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Boys in Chicago public schools are
to take up sewing. Why assume
bachelorhood for them so early in the
day?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Not all men are poets, says a re-
viewer of current verse. Now, if we
could only convince them of that
truth.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Baden-Powell has landed In New
York. If your boy asks for a khaki
suit and a scout hat don't be sur
prised.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

WOMAN
4
CURED
ByLydiaE {. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound
Black Duck, Minn.-"About q year
ago / wrote you that / was sick and

uOb uO ally VI
my homework. My
sickness was called
Retroflexion. When
/ would sit down I
felt as If Icould not
get p. I took
Lydia e. Pinkham's
Vege t a BILE Com
pound and did just
as you told me and
now I am perfectly
cured, and have a
big baby boy"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Outside the slight chill Of this
weather, a you beat it7
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Japanese children are to be taught
to write with both hands. The pa
per trust may be encouraging the
movement.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

It viii take a snow storm to do
away with straw hats.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Why is 1t everybody has a bottle
of carbolic setting around the house
somewhere to be taken in mistake for
medicine?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

The best of aviators often come
down when they least expect to.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

While the aeroplane is still in its
Infancy, it is a very husky infant.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

If the world is going insane, some
modern music must be consciously
written for the future.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

The frost is on the Sunday school
picnic.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Guess they will discard the hobble
skirt now. Fashion says it's passe.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

Chimmie-G'wan, you're no BALI
player. Yer couldn't ketch a foul if
it was moulin!
Patsy-Gittout, you couldn't ketch
q fly If It was stuck on sticky fiy-pa-
per till 1t was dead as merlasses!
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27
The difference.

II don't see any difference between
you and q trained nurse except the
uniform" said her sick husband.
"And the salary" she added,
Observation-Disclosures Bazaar.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-10-27

When 1t ome to facing an enemy
some men show their retiring dispose
lions.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
HORSELESS FUNERAL


The mourners, party of ten. took
their seats in the car, these seats be-
ing individual chairs of black leather.
Then the front of the machine under
meath the drivers seat was opened,
the coffin was lifted up and slid in.
Next some flowers were put in the
hearse part of the car and the front
doors closed.
Then the driver and the undertaken
mounted the front seat, there was the
sharp ring of warning bell, and as
traffic halted again the big funeral car
quietly swung around and into Forty
second street
This funeral car had seats for IL
mourners in its limousine part and
could carry three on the drivers seat.
Hence it takes the place of hearse
and three carriages.
I'VE haven't had this very long"
said the driver Just before the funeral
party appeared, but we're already
kept busy with 1t about all the time.
Only this morning. for example, we
took a funeral to Elizabeth and now
this afternoon we are bound for Green
wood.
You see it fits in pretty nicely In
the case of long-distance funerals.
Take the case Of funeral at Kensico.
up in Westchester, or even Woodlawn.
Before 1t used to be necessary to take
a train, which meant a hearse and car
riages at both ends, to say nothing of
the publicity of riding in a railroad
car. that is. unless the party was large
affo nfnI
funeral car the railroad operates. Now
we take the entire funeral. casket and
all. from the house or church to Ken
sico in less than three hours.
Take the case of person dying in
some other city and being buried here.
Only the family come with the body
and they want to be taken quickly and
quietly to the cemetery. We can make
Greenwood in less than an hour. In
two hours they can be on the train
going home again.
"Of course there are still some per-
sons who fid it hard to accept II in
place of the old way they have known
SO long. One man recently com
planned that 1t didn't seem solemn
enough and seemed like taking liber-
ties with the dead; but to one such
complaint we've had any number of
congratulations on the new method
from the people who have said that
IT has done away with the most trying
features of what has always been such
an ordeal. namely an out-of-town fu-
neral
Before long the hearses will begin
to go just like the hanson cabs, though
for big local funerals l suppose
hearses will be used for long time
yet"
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
BY No Means ANGELIC.

Eugene Walter, the playwright, at
dinner. was accused of pessimism.
WELL" said Walter. 81 am not a
pessimist, but l don't believe that hui
man nature Is by any means angelic.
We are all much alike. The bes. we
can do is to curb our faults and favor
our virtues"
What faults should I curb" very
pretty young lady asked.
WELL" said Walter. 'I should think
you'd have about the same faults to
curb as little girl talked to yester-
day. She'B charming little girl and
as we conversed alone in the drawing
room while waiting for her father and
mother to come down, said to her:
Have you got sweetheart"
"She smiled and wriggled. 'Yeth,
she said softly.
well. said |, III give you a quar-
ter IL you tell me who he is
Tommy she answered in low
voice. and I gave her the quarter.
"a few minutes afterward she said
suddenly:
Now, II you'll give me another
quarter. III tell you who my other
sweetheart is. ."-Rochester Herald.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
DOCTORS At HEAD
Wood and Ainsworth for United
States Army Chiefs.
Nations Fighting Forces VIII Be un-
der Two Physicians Who Never
Had Any Training at West
Point.

Washington.-When Maj. Gen. Leon
ard Wood. now in command of the
department of the east, Governors is
land. New York. becomes chief of
staff, April % next. the United States
army will be headed by two doctors
The other is Maj Gen. Fred Crayton
Ainsworth. adjutant general of the
army. Neither is n West Pointer.
General Wood is the ranking ma
jor general of the army, and Maj Gen.
Ainsworth is next in number There
is only eight months difference in
their rank. though ten years differ
ence in their length of service. Aims
worth entered the army ten years be-
fore Wood. but Wood was promoted
to be major general eight months be-
fore Ainsworth reached the rank. The
two doctor generals have been per-
sonal friends for years.
The careers, capabilities and char
acteristics of the two men-both OF
whom entered the army as civilians
are SO nearly parallel that the close
relation into which they will be
thrown has excited great interest in
army circles in Washington.
What will the two doctors do with
our army" is the question agitating
not only West Pointers (from gen
erals to new second lieutenants). but
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Big Automobile Serves as Hearse
and Coach for Mourners.
So Unusual Was Scene That Every
body Gave II Some Attention
Fits Nicely In Case of Long,
Distance Funeral Affairs.

New York.-There was a horseless
funeral at the Grand Central station
the other day. So unusual was the
scene that almost everybody seemed
to give it some attention, and even
the horses shifted at the strange look
ing vehicle. perhaps with feelings of
Jealousy at this latest evidence of the
passing of their usefulness.
The center of interest was the fu-
neral car, big black automobile built
somewhat on the lines Of Fifth ave-
nue. motor bus. 1t was an immense
machine, and as 1t drew up silently
at a side entrance other traffic had
to halt. The solemn black Of its big
limousine body proclaimed its purpose
in way, but except for the fact that
the drivers seat was unusually high
it might have passed for an extraor-
dinarily large limousine car.
AS soon as the car had reached the
curb the driver alighted and stood
deferentially at the front end of the
machine. A moment later there ap-
peared the funeral party, led by the
undertaken and his men bearing the
coffin
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Fooled by the Ladder.

Clang. clatter. bang! Down the
street came the fire engines.
Driving along ahead, obviously OF
danger, was farmer In ram-shack-
le old buggy. A policeman yelled at
him: Hi. there. look out! The fire
department Is coming"
Turning in by the curb the farmer
watched the hose cart. salvage wagon
and engine whizz past. Then he
turned out into the street again and
drove on Barely had he started when
the hook and ladder came tearing
along. The rear wheel of the big truck
slowed into the farmers buggy, smash
ing it to smithereen and sending the
farmer sprawling into the gutter. The
policeman ran to his assistance.
Didn't tell ye to keep out Of the
way?" he demanded GROSSLY. Didn't
tell ye the fire department was COM
in'?"
well. concarn ye," said the peeved
farmer. II did git outer the way for
tn fire department But what in tar
nation was them drunken painters In
sech an all-fired hurry fer?"-Every-
body's Magazine.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
What Robert Was.

The mother of Clara. aged 4, ane
Of Robert. aged 6. was looking at flats.
Robert accompanied her. Finally she
found an apartment at her price
which she thought she would like. The
janitors wife, who acted as agent,
thought she would like Roberts moth
er. too. but she wasn't SO sure about
the children.
you say there is another one at
homer she said. THAT makes two.
We have rule against admitting chill
dren. Still, II the little girl is as nice
as the little boy seems to be-" here
she patted Roberts head affectionate-
ly. Il don't know but what It will be
all right"
Robert brushed off the approving
hand impatiently.
Don't you fool yourself about me-"
he said. Indignantly. I'm a regular
devil of a fellow. Iam."-Philadelphi
Ledger.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
BABY WASTED TO SKELETON

my little son, when about year
and half old. began to have sores
come out on his face. l had a physi-
clan treat him, but the sores grew
worse. Then they began to come out
on his arms. then on other parts of
his body. and then one came on his
chest. worse than the others. Then
called another physician. Still he
grew worse. At the end of about q
year and a half OF suffering he grew
SO bad that had to tie his hands in
cloths at night to keep him from
scratching the sores and tearing the
flesh. He got to be mere skeleton,
and was hardly able to walk.
"My aunt advised me to try Cuti-
cura Soap and Cuticura Ointment.
sent to drug store and got a cake of
Cuticura Soap and a box of the Oint-
ment and followed directions. At the
end of two months the sores were all
well. He has never had any sores
of any kind since. can sincerely say
that only for Cuticura my child would
have died. l used only one cake OF
Cuticura Soap and about three boxes
Of Ointment.
Il am a nurse and my profession
brings me into many different fam
lilies and 1t is always a pleasure for
me to tell my story and recommend
Cuticura Remedies. Mrs. Egbert Shell
don. Litchfield. Conn.,. Oct. 23. 1909"
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Offer of Kansas College Brings a
DeIuge of Requests.
MISUNDERSTANDING" Spirit Is
Awakened by Effort OF Agricul-
turaI College to Improve Grade
of Poultry of State.

Manhattan, Kan-When the poultry
department OF the Kansas State Agri-
cultural college made the offer of free
settings of eggs to the farmers of
Kansas 1t never dreamed of the conse-
quences that this offer has brought.
The offer was made by little no.
tce in the newspapers to the effect
that the poultry department of the
agricultural college is desirous of
sending out over the state eggs from
pure bred poultry free of charge. Any
one wishing to take advantage of this
opportunity to add some pure bred
stock to his present flock should ad-
dress the poultry department. Kansas
State Agricultural college"
Now, that little notice appeared in
the newspapers about the time the
price of eggs was soaring around the
highest pinnacle, and consequently it
was read by every one who reads
newspapers, especially as the editors
made it conspicuous by placing 1t un-
der headlines like What! Eggs Free
of Charger" or TX. S. A. C. Giving
Away Eggs" etc.
ho AhA VI tho PiCoos AOtiCtS WAS
hardly dry before the inquiries began
pouring in to the poultry department
concerning those free eggs"
From all over the state at first the
letters arrived. and later this on
slaught of questioning missives from
Kansas was added to from Oklahoma,
Texas. Missouri, Colorado and other
states. 1t became a national affair
The letters arrived at the rate of
about 500 day. Finally. as the num-
ber of inquiries rapidly approached
the 1000 mark. and as hundreds were
arriving every day. the philanthropic
department. realizing that K would be
almost impossible to even answer so
many letters and certainly impossible
to supply SO many farmers with eggs,
hurried off dispatches to the news
papers. stating that the department
was swamped with requests for free
settings and requesting that no more
inquiries be sent in.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Darsei Finds Life Unbearable at Sag
Harbor on Account of Lack Of
Unmarried Men.

New York.-According to Miss Car
rie Markell, the unmarried male pop
ulatIon of Sag Harbor. L. l.. is negli-
gible quantity. She has lived there
for IS years and thinks she ought to
know something about it. Things got
SO slow there for a girl of spirit and
ambition that she left for New York
without stopping for her parents
blessing.
Her egg money that she had saved
all winter for the expenses of the trip
gave out in short time, so she
walked into an Office on Broad street
looking for job. Now. an old Sag
Harborite, a Mr.. Bowman. is en-
ployed in that office. and her mother
had written him several times to be
on the lookout for her runaway
daughter He engaged the girl in con-
versation while the police were sum-
. moned to take charge of her.
Miss Markell said that she was over
1S, and therefore not child under the
law. Mr.. Bowman said that she was
the same age as his sister, who will
be is years old in June. So the girl
spent the afternoon in the station
house until her brother came up from
Sag Harbor to take her home.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Gen. Fred Ainsworth.

their wives; because what happens in
the army. is as much of a domestic
as an official affair. Both men are
surgeons and the extraordinarily rapid
rise of the two doctors has never
been regarded with enthusiasm by
those of the line. Both men are re-
markable for their executive ability,
and are regarded with great friend
lfness by statesmen. Both are New
Englanders. General Wood being a
Massachusetts man, while General
Ainsworth was born In Vermont.
Only one man who entered the
army as a medical officer has travelled
further than General Ainsworth. That
man is General Wood. General Aims
worth is native of Woodstock, VT.
and was graduated from the medical
school of the University of New York
in 1874. He Immediately entered the
army as an assistant surgeon. In
1892 he was made colonel and chief
of the record and pension office of
the war department. From that time
on his advance has been by leaps and
bounds. He was made a brigadier
a major general and military secre-
tary of the army.
1t was while serving as chief of the
record and pension system that Aims
worth first attracted the attention of
army officers and politicians and
gave evidence of the unusual exec
utive ability which has been largely
responsible for his rapid rise.
He was one of the first officials of
the government to evolve and perfect
card system. Some say that he is
an even better card iDdexer than
Postmaster General Frank e. Hitch
cock. who has gained fame In that
role. He did away with an infinity
of useless red tape and abolished
many cumbersome methods that he
found In vogue. In short time and
with apparent ease he built up sys-
tenn of 50,000,000 record cards by the
use of which he could find out In two
minutes all about any man who ever
served in the United States army or
navy. either as regular or as vol
unteer, from the days of Bunker Hill
to the days of Kettle Hill and later.
The fame of his system soon made
General Ainsworth popular with all
who had business with the war de-
partment. When a senator or rep
resentatlve receives a request from
some woman in his district for the
record Of an ancestor in the Revolu-
tionary war, upon which she depends
to get into the Daughters Of the Amer
lean Revolution. the worried legisla-
tor telephones General Ainswortb
and within an hour General Aims
worth has the record ready for him.
In consequence of his executive abil-
ity and willingness to oblige he has
hosts Of friends in and out of congress
who are glad to advance his fortunes
In any way possible.
General Woods most powerful po-
litical backing was due to his close
friendship with Theodore Roosevelt,
which greatly accelerated his rapid
rise in the army. The two met in
the west and later served together in
the Spanish war
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20

out $500 replies stating the conditions
under which the free eggs would be
sent out.
1t was impossible to answer more
queries except by postal cards telling
them that their requests had been re-
ceived too late. Farmers who already
have good pure stock will not be sup
piled. Here are the conditions that
the farmer must agree to before the
eggs will be sent to him:
The farmer must agree to keep a
record of the fertility and hatchability
of the eggs. and give one chicken out
of every four raised to September to
the college.
The majority of the letters received
were from farmers who wanted to get
free eggs for the purpose of improving
the stock of their flock. but many of
those who wrote were merely curious
and showed something for nothing
spirit.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
ASK FOR FREE EGGS

The object of the department in
making this offer was threefold: First.
to give the farmers chance to get
start with pure-bred chickens: Sec
ond, to enlarge the college flock, and
third, to get the names of the farmers
who are interested in poultry raising.
The desire to get list of farmers
interested in poultry raising certainly
has been satisfied, and the prospects
for the realization of the other OBJ
jects are bright.
Six stenographers attacked the pile
of letters and postal cards, and for
several days we're busy with these in
terrogations. The universal question
was. How can we get them?" and the
department answered this by sending
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
A Divided Family.

The bright six-year-old daughter Of
a physician happened into his recep-
tion room the other day and wait
ing woman patient engaged her in con-
versation.
II suppose you go to church and
Sunday SCHOOL," she asked
"Oh, yes. ma'am," she replied.
And what denomination do your
parents belong tor"
Why" said the little one. mann
mas Presbyterian and papa's a
stomach specialist"
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
Girl Lecues Manless 7own

In the interval she confided to Lieu
tenant Bergman that life in Sag Har-
Dor for young woman who likes a
good time is not so pleasant as it may
appear on the surface. To Miss Mar
kel's way of thinking It is very bar
rem existence.
Why. do you know" she said in a
burst of confidence, there's only one
fellow in that town."
YES" she added. as Lieutenant
Bergman displayed interest in this sad
state of affairs in Sag Harbor. "and
he's married.
The Elbert County tribune., 1910-05-20
MusseI Shells Becoming Scarce.

Decker. Ind.-White river mussel
shells are being sought by buyers from
Iowa at prices ranging from s19 to $50
in the United States and are becoming
scarce. Four years ago, like other
shells, they were drug on the mar
ket at four dollars. Now the river
run" is worth abodt s27 a ton. S1ugs.
river rum" are priced at s3.75 an
an ounce.