davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
THE BOY WAS FIRED.

Even II Col. ". r. Hib6s docs
SIT up al night looking for the
comet. no one can guess g.. either
by his dcmeanor or his physical
appearance the next morning. So
when no got 10 HIS Office yesterday
morning. having failed % see me
constellation. aud started 70 work
81 was in his usual placid and 20
lite and Urbane and courteous and
debonaire manner that. finding De
had no writing papger, ho told
his Office boy:
Jimmy. here's a quarter. Go
out aud set ne a tablet"
Jimmy took the quarter and left.
Int he looked sympathetically at
the colonel before he went.
He was back in half an hour.
while Col Hiohs waited. pen in
hand. ready 20 grind ont bis phil
osophy Of Fifteenth Street" which
20 often graces The Big Stick. The
cf1co boy approached and placed
two anu-kamuis tablets on bis
boss desk and said;
Take en- with a little water.
They'll make yer head feel better 20
And that explains why W. p. II.
IS not contributor 20 this issue
u The Stick.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
THE FIBS WE TELL.

Why, of course. III let you have
ten with pleasure.
You're looking better than ever.
Tine hasn't changed you a bit.
love to hear you sing.
think
I'm delighted to SEQ you.
No, I'm not & bit tired I want
% hear the rest Of Il.
saw the comet on Saturday. It
wasn't much TO look at.
never read the papers. 90
didn't see. Of coCrso. what you
said about my friend Porter
don't care for a vacation this
summer.
No. thanks-I'm going on the
wagon for a month
rather like the heat-reallyl
Ny motor hasn't stalled on me
ones.
Shall be Slad 20 see you after
Oflce hours.
saw the late King Edward once
at
Well. as President Taft said 20
me tho other day.
Really, It was all my fault
f. c. GRAHAM.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
STAMP WORTH $4,000 SHOWN.
Hawaiian Missionary Issue Feature
of PhiInteIic Meet in Boston.

EF'l LLt boston lrare.T1te-
From its original value of . cents. a
Hawaiian missionary" Issue postage
stamp exhibited az the Boston PhIateItc
Soc!ety's meeting IN Youngs Hotel last
evening has advanced IN value 90 $500
Il IS the rarest gem OF the collection of
Henry J. Crocker, OF San Francisco. who
displayed his stamps 20 the members os
the society.
Willard O. Wylle. president OF the so
ciety. presided.
Following the dinner an informal recep-
ton was rendered 20 Mr.. Crocker. who
displayed his collection. valued AZ Ss5.-
9l0 20 $4,000. and spoke upon the stamps
or the Hawaiian Islands
Mr. Crocker IS a prominent business
man of san Francisco, and became first
interested in stamp collecting about ISL.
In addition 20 his Hawaiian collection.
which numbers about 400 specimens. he
special.zes in the stamps Of the United
States Transvaal. and some South Amer
lean countries.
In the San Francisco earthquake he
lost eleven OF his forty-three albums.
valued AZ $500 and including a special
ize collection OF the stamps Of Japan.
The most interesting and valuable part
Of his present collection are the Hawaiian
missionaries. OF which he possesses
fourteen. the rarest being the 2-cent
stamp. These stamps were so named
because they were printed 10y the Ameri-
can missionaries who went 20 the islands
IN lS21
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
SWEET SOUTHLAND.

Sweet Southland swing and sweep TO me
The season of thy sapphire sea.
Sweet Southland. from thy rosebud shrine
Give me the hcncyed eglautinc.
Magnolia. and the jasmine bloom
Loved Southland Of tho sweet perfume.
Sweet Southland % thy liTs I lean
Through Maymists Of the golden sheen.
Sweet Southland. hold thy fairy hand
To lead NE % thy fairy strand.
Thy valleys Of the nom So sweet,
Where the Young dreams on flashing feet
Dance 20 the ditties far and fine
The mocingbird pours forth diyiue
Sweet Southland. I am far away.
But from thy dream ! cannot strayl
Sweet Southland. Il Is summer where
By the sweet brook yOu comb your hair,
Flushed with the sunlight. DER YOU spread
Like a sweet saint with aureoled head
Pure as the sp0tlesS heart she brings
Unto the roadside shrine Of things.
Sweet Southland. 10 my spirit turn
That on thy lips my lips may bum
Sweet Southland il is Tar % YOU.
But by the road Of fairy dew
Where. in thy grace Of fairy spell
We who have wandered once may dwell.
It's nearer % our hearts to-day
Than the lost litanies Of May,
Sweet Southland. hear Us and believed
Our homage and our lore receive.
-BalHnoTe Sun
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
SATURDAY. MAY %. 1910.
Our Civil Servants.

1t is made plain, we think. by the facts
IN the case that the present haphazard
method OF trying 10 secure the greatest
efficiency in the civil service cannot much
longer be suffered TO continue. We are
sure that the present condition has been
brought about not altogether from de-
sire for retrenchment IN the operating
expenses Of the government, nor because
the department chiefs are Indifferent to
what may chance 20 aged servants when
their usefulness has gone. II is due, we
are sure 70 a lack Of care, of fore
thought: and the fact that practically
every Cabinet minister and the President
himself is seeking for the best method
by which relief may be had is a sign
that the present conditions are not long
10 be allowed 10 endure.
There can be scarcely any doubt in the
minds OF fair-thinking men that many OF
cur civil servants are underpald. Il is
not a Joke from the humorist's column
that the price OF living has materially
increased; the members OF Congress did
not treat Il as a Joke when they voted
20 Increase their own salaries and the
Salaries ot the higher officials Of the gov
erament But for 1fty-four years the
salaries OF the clerks In the various de-
partments have remained stationary In
$1,000 a year II was raised to $4,000 in
1876 and TO $1,000 IN 1910. and so with
the Vice President, the Speaker OF the
House. the Treasurer. and Assistant
Treasurer OF the United States the
Comptroller. the Auditors. the Register OF
the Treasury. and others Most of these
have been raised from $500. IN 1856 10
S5.ooO In 1919; others TO $4,000 and 5000
But In the classified service IN 1Sr
class 1 clerks got $3.50, class . clerks
got $Iioo. class clerks got sl.50O. and
class clerks got Sl.So-that was IN
1856, and they are getting the same now,
Il seems 20 be the consensus Of opinion
that any retirement plan passed by Con
Eress must contain a provision by which
the clerks shall provide at least a part
% their own retirement fund by an as
sessmcnt on their salaries. Even this
would be better than nothing. though Il
will undoubtedly work some hardship
on clerks to reduce their salaries by ever
so small percentage when the high
price Of living has made it increasingly
difficult for them TO make both ends
meet on salaries that have not kept pace
with the general uplift, but have remain
ed stationary for half n century.
But what we want to urge In the name
Of humanity and Justice is that some
method shall be devised to do away for
ever with-to prevent any possible chance
Of a repetition of-the scenes OF haggard
misery that are caused at present 10y
summary disnissals from employment OF
aged clerks It IS not for MS to try and
fix the blame: perhaps no one IS to blame
and the situation. iutolerable as It is. Is
but a symptom Of progress and advance
But in any case. let us stop II, Let the
matter be brought before the present
session OF Congress. so that It cannot any
longer be shufled out OF the way and
ignored. We do not want such scenes al
the Natlonal Capital; they reflect little
credit on anybody. and the need FOR relief
IS urgent
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Great Profits in Coffee.

From the Indianapolis News.
A New York coffee importer told a
House committee the other day that the
middleman's profit on coffee in this coun-
try is approximately 10 cents a pound
against Germany's Z cents profit He said
price Of coffee laid down at New York
has averaged ~ cents, and the cost os
roasting and preparing II to 2i5 cents:
but the consumer pay for this 25 cents a
pound and upward. Which is more inter-
esting light on the high cost OF living
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
TO-DAY IN HISTORY.
Birthday of the Piano-May %.

arches, and IN 1S0S Broadwood first ap-
piled iron tension bars situated above the
strings, an arrangement which exists
even now.
In 1900 the upright plano was pat
ented by John Isaac Hawkins. OF Bor-
dentown. n. J. Sebastian Erard. whose
action in the harp has remained un-
changed for a century, in 1S0S began de-
veloping a double escapement action,
which he finally improved in 1921. when
his nephew. Pierre Erard. procured a
patent for it,
About 1870 there occurred a great revO-
luton in pianoforte construction. Com
posers had taken 70 the instrument with
enthusiasm. They desired more bril-
liancy and more force. and the action OF
the piano was constantly foregoing a
change. 1t had assumed a comparative
perfection, but the framing was still IN
a crude state. The compensating frame
OF Allen was gradually improved until
Alpheus Babcock, OF Boston. in 1875. pat
ented square pianoforte having an
entire frame OF cast iron. Babcock's idea
assumed A more practical form IN the
hands OF Conrad Meyer, OF Philadelphia
in lS53 Jonas ChIckering, OF Boston, ap-
piled the iron frame 20 the grand plano
forte. In 1888 overstrnging was intro
duced in square and upright pianos. The
upright pianos began 20 become popular
early IN the seventies. induced by want
OF space IN the small houses that ther
were being erected. and this instrument
has practically taken the place of the
square piano, with the grand piano still
in use for large parlors and for concer
work.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
HIS LATEST POEM.


Through the kindness Of Warden
Tully We have been able 10 secure.
at enormous expense. the last poem
written BY John Garter" the con
vict who won his pardon from n
long time sentence by virtue Of his
verse. In a letter accompanying
the verse, sent 20 the editor Of
Tie Big Stick. he adds. This is
the last poem that ! shall evor
write."
Farewell. 70 bars. that have held
me long.
shall not return 10 ye. l VOW.
I have won my pardon BY my song.
And the joys Of other bars wait
me now.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
A CORRECTION.

Editor The Big Stick:
Sir. Ny attention has been called
10 a speaking likeness Of my friend
ID. 5. Porter in the last issue Of
yOur valued medium. l knew him
In those early days when be wore
a beard and can vouch FOR the ac-
c,iracy Of the picture. But his given
name is not David II Is Deruolle,
With tho accent on the last syllable
Please correct.
D. ]. CALLAHAN.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
HE WON.

Thero IS man in our town.
And he IS very clever.
He bet his wife would never wear
A rooster hat-no, neveri
And 50 he picked ont one himself.
And sent u 10 her. writing:
Your Judgment, dear. my manly
taste
Is anxiously inviting"
THILMAN HENDRICK.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
THE COMET.

! Good-by!
Bum comet,
/ Up IN the sky.
| ] never saw you.
But
/ ] don't care:
/ III take their word for it
/ You were there.
was sorry
| You failed
To be properly tailed.
For tails-the real articles.
! Are made
/ Of particles
We al can see.
I But you sashay
On the Milky Way,
And your tail
I Has YamOosed
! Where. none may say.
And we won't be here
In seventy-fve year
/ To see
II you've got It back.
/ You jay,
You. a comet
I Sa-.
! You're n bum.
You weren't even a go-it
Aud we blame well know il.
! Good-by.
n. O. MESSFNGFP
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The Atlanta Georgian prints and re-
prints so many good things that Il IS
strange II does not reprint from tn,
Taylor -Trotwood Magazine a recent ar
ticle on Tho Making Of n Great News
paper" written by Editor T. /. Seeley
OF tho Georgian. II is a statement gen
timely engaging and interesting. encour-
aging, and highly optimistic.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Had a Reason.

From the 81. Louis Star.
Why don't you call your newspaper
the Appendix" asked the enemy OF the
political boss.
Amy special reason TN wanting me
10 90 so?"
well. It's a useless organ"
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Inaccessible Rights.



The American pcoDis undoubtedly arr entitled %
grra; many rights and. z the t-lth were known.
IL would Ehow these rights IN he worth having.
But the trouble with these rights is That they nse
never around when they are needed They are
either IN cold storage in safe deposit boxes or
IN litigation o- in some ward heelrr'q vest pocket.
Inaccessible rights are worse than no rights at all
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Chameleon woman

Bronn he S1ectat0T.
You may be sure a woman loves a man
when she uses his expressions. tells his
stories or initiates his manner. This
gives secret delight: for imitation is a
kind Of artless hattery, and nightly
favors the principles OF self-Iove.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

To-day is the birthday OF Thomas
Butler. The Navarro OF the American
Revolution" u749. William Pitt. prime
minister Of England G759: George I OF
England G650 Louis McLane, Secretary
Of the Treasury under Jackson ono /.
Thomas Moore. the Irish poet G7sM +;
Jean Louis r. Agassiz naturalist GS5O
and Pierre O. r. Beauregard. Confederate
to-day In 17os. and sir Humphrey Davy,
the chemist In lS29
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The New York Post critloises rather
severely Senatorial grammar as re-
vealed IN the Congressional Record.
Nothing agitates a statesman less, we
believe. however, than criticism OF his
grammar.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Late frosts IN the spring did not
hurt IL;
And freezes It's growth did not stop.
Come sunshine or rain. it's a wln-
ncr again.
The June bride crop.
WILLIS l. MOORE.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The new Sultan OF Turkey is said to be
suffering from sixteen distinct and sepa-
rate diseases, seven OF which are IN
durable. The European bomb throwers
will put that in their pipes and smoke
Il. swelyl
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The oyster season merges gracefully
INTO the strawberry season. and the
strawberry season into the watermelon
season. and the watermelon season into
the peach season. and the peach season
into the pumpkin season. And still man
is a chronic kickerl
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Watermelon season is at hand" an
nounces the Savannah News And bar
becue time. and another gube,natorial
campaign. What more could a we'll
regulated Cracker ask?
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
On the Stage.
From the Tausr.

Fr0m tbe IaIeT.
"Aw-wiu you give this note 70 Misc
May de Sylphington, the-aw-pretty lit
tie blond creature with the violet eyes.
don't you know, who dances IN the ball
let?"
''That1l be all right. guvner. ough.
to know her. I'm her son"
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
One Sort OF Tnnrist-

His reoollections OF Europe are not
very edify;ng"
Nor
NO. Naples. for instance, IS the place
whore he lost his umbrella. and Pisa is
where he got bis pocket picked"
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Elberfeld. addressed them both as Mr."
It is to be hoped. however. that this VIII
not be cited 10 the administrators dis
credit.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

1t appears that Luther Burbank's much
vaunted wonderberry is nothing. in
reality. but our old friend the Massa-
chusetts sOlanum nigrum. You are en-
tirely familiar with the solanum nigrum.
presumably.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

In Abyssinla. the wife IS master. ."
says the Allentown Democrat. Our gram
mar may be radically different from the
Abyssinians'. but our domestic situation
evidently is not
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Past the FIIrtins stnge.

F-om the Providence Journal.
!; would be premature. II nothing more. 70 speak
q the union 4 tho Pennsylvania ard New Havea
roads. bot perhaps Il would not he sas wrong 10
say that their engagement Is announced
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Reversal OF Form. .

From The Boston Trlnsc-ip'.
Amherst defeated Williams. Williams
defeated Yale, and Yale has defeated Am
herst Now. which has the best base
ball team?
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The comet has split into several sec
uons' according 10 one astronomer.
Whether that was in honor OF the Demo-
cratic or the Republican party is. OF
course, impossible 70 say
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Certain Ohio politicians are proposing
20 defeat Mr. Dick with Mr. Longworth.
This little contest should be entertain
ing enough TO the Democrats out that
Way
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Trmnernnenf.

Hes a man OF considerable tempera-
meut"
DO you mean he's grouchy. or do you
mean he won't wOrk?'
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
The Hurhcs HcrIme

From The Wall Street J1u-rsL
Bosses say that tHe Hughes regime increased tls
State budget S0oon. As IL included other In
ceases such as increased efficiency. increased hon
ssty. increased sefnspoct and Ebore all. increased
determination 10 Squelch the b'ses &; was cheap
a; the price.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
May Come Back.

Ears are under fashions ban,
out of style.
Better hide 'em. Il you can,
For awhile.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Cambridge University has made the col
onel a doctor OF laws. He was already
a doctor OF laws several times over, but
the moro the merrier. OF course
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

The tarir should be removed from par
tisan politics" says Mr. Boutell And
yet. the higher the tariff on partisan
politics. the better the average Ameri-
can VIII like Il. we suspect
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Several State legislatures have lately
adjourned" notes the Dayton News. The
real optimist is always able 10 find the
silver lining
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

We believe we could make out splen-
didly without a rain every twenty-four
hours. II the weather man would only
give Us a trial
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Cnution AdvisnhIe-

From the Dayton NewA
Has Roosevelt realized his m.stake!" asks TIE
savannah Pres. We advise the Press 20 ask Mr..
Roosevelt but 70 do 50 over a I5ug disEuce tc,e-
phone
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

A writer informs us that the new
Queen is a woman who likes to have her
own way An entirely conservative
statement. assuredlyl
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Wiz. Rrrnn,, Popularity.

F--a' che Hast5I transcript
No sooner has Mr.. Bran started fo- E-s77- thsn
his Senatorial ho1n rCTivss He reTsT seems E7
popular IN his country as when he IS rut q IT,
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

FrCm the Dallas NewA
Admiral sehree. who hss Just -ytired from the
United States navy declares r. favor q universal
Disarmament He does not need a ,1b any longer.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

THE navy IS the last place the coun-
try should begin 10 economize," SAYS
Senator Lodge. This country seems ut
terly unable to locate the first place.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

1T IS difficult TO understand NIr Bry-
ans present position" says the Chicago
Inter-OCean. Not II you read the eIec-
ton returns OF November, 1908.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

'Tf you meet the tariff on the hirh-
way. knock it down" says the Atlanta
Constitution. Well, the tariff is on the
highway. all right
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
A ProhnhIe NIcrr-

Now don't tell me you were detained
by business. or any such improbable
story as that"
II wont. my dear. I was chased many
blocks out OF my way by a bull rhi-
noceros."
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Uncle Sam" proposes TO clean up a
lot Of money by sending it 10 the laundry.
Tho old gentleman may take to watering
stocks sooner or later.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

"Cannonism survives Cannon" remarks
Joe" been in position to be survived"
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

What IS a Republican, inquiries Mr.
Champ Clark. If Mr.. Clark's vocabulary
Is not sufficiently sulphurous, he surely
does not expect ordinary mortals TO
tackle that assignment.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Fnshion Hint.

Touring cars make neat cotilion favors
for such as do not care 20 give such
personal presents as live dukes.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Mr.. Halley's comet has served TO call
attention to tho beauty OF Venus. Venus
IS a sweet summer girl, and deserves it,
too.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
GET READY.


Hos coming home.
MhOy
No more % roam.
Who?
Just two weeks more.
And sailing Ger
The ocean blue coGnes Theodorel
HoO-roO-O-O-O-O-o-O!'
ARTHUR J. DODGE.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
To BE Pitied-Not blamed.

q be EAiieu-NoA hlnmeu
FryEn tho Houston Post
When we think q A good man Ike President Taft
being a Republican we Grs almost persuaded uat
RcpuhlcEnism Is more of A disease than It Is a
crime.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
OUR FAVORITE.


Upon the keys she makes a fuss;
She pounds away
And az the same time doth discuss
The latest play.
The carriage flies at rapid rate;
She makes IL hum,
Yet finds due time to masticate
Her chewing gum.
She fills a pad with funny hooks
At record speed.
Yet always quite unruffied looks.
Serene, indeed.
She forms with US. beyond doubt.
A useful cog.
We couldn't get along without
Our blonde stenog.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
Mhere II FnIIn.

You're in for n siege" declared the
fashionable physician.
quit your kidding" responded the
malefactor OF great wealth
It's a fact. You're going TO be sick
You have violated natures laws. and
must pay the penalty"
Jaw. can't you get me Off on tech
nicality doc2"
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Otto Llchkert and Granny Hunt
VIII soon engage in a Joint debate
ON the adun-aEcs q Washington
City as q convention town.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

John Z Weaver mas npvrr been
seen to smile since the election O.,
Curtis as president q the Chevy
Chase c0rponu1r
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
A FRANK ADMISSION.

GcorEe p. Miller Is out with a
positive announcement that he does
not know anything about the De
trolt baseball team. He docs. how
ever. know Noriauty. Of the team,
Who once stole home. but, says
George. 4 stole home many times
when 1 was younger ="
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Mr.. Taft. acknowledging a recent In
PRODUCTION to 'Gabby" Street and "Kldp
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28

Fred sidd1ls IS preparing an ora
tioo for The anniversary dinner 4
the National Rifles veteran Asso-
C.ari1u.
The Washington herald., 1910-05-28
ONE CENT.
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

d L LOCAL 81 M BIZ.
Fred siddoas IS preparing an ora
ton for the anniversary dinner 4
the National Rifles veteran Asso-
C.au0u.
John T. Weaver has npvrr been
seen to smile siucs the election %
Curtis as president q the Chevy
Chase c0rponu11-
Otto Llchkert and Granny Hunt
VIII soon engage Ia a Joint debate
ON the aduu-aEC5 q Washington
City as O convention town.
Three Washington bankers. VIII
Hoover ". Y. Cox. and Benny Guy
are willing % take an AFFIDAVIT that
pianked shad has made The Board
o. Trade famous
Court +. Wood lives On ous
square and dimes at a restaurant
several squares away Court doas
this 20 increase his appetite and
not 70 reduce his flesh.
Glare Harding viii SUNDAY in
Washington. He has been roaming
around West Virginia and Pittsburg
looking over the skysrrapcrs he IS
building IN those Localities,
Walter A. Brown has been trying
al week to explain why II took
him until y O'Clock 20 set home
from the Board u Trade excursion
when the boat landed az 6:li
Henry Bittinssr. Of lunch room
fame. Says the high cost % living
is a delUaon and a snare. You
pay tho same for lunches as You
did several years Gso but you don't
eat so many Of them
Clarence r. Rheem. having seen
all the moving picture shows 81
town. now spends his evenings a.
the Arcade bowling with Bob DaI-
gleish. The pin BOYS have an easy
time when this twain bowls.
Harry iDcac1nl Simpson is stiu
talking Of his trip 20 New Orleans.
and Is a consistent rooter for tho
Panama Exposition 90 he held in
that city. Harry viii summer and
live the simple lHe at Washington
Grove.
James b. Lamhie diyerts his at
tention from hardware occasionally
70 study the iutricacies Of agicm-
tuTe. 10 put IN practice on the farm
he recently purchased on the
Seventh street pike IN Montgomery
County. Nd.
Frank Sanncr IS a foxy old quill
Ter. He builds all hts houses IN
the same neishborh0od. thereby
avoiding the necessity q buying an
automobile Frank puts It that
way. but the real Truth is, he Is
afraid Of a horseless carriage.