Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-07-07
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do you know many languages, Miss
Flora? "Oh, yes. Stamp, flowers.
handkerchief and fan languages"
Doctor, is 1t absolutely necessary tx
operate on me? "N-no; but it's Gus
tomary."
Her Father-Blanche, why doesn't
Mr.. Linger go home earlier2 Blanche
I'm why Dad!
80 he has lost faith in deep breath.
ing? "Yesj 1t wouldn't keep his hair
from falling out"
Pa-But, young man, do you think
you can make my little girl happy?
Suitor-Do l? Say, wish you could
a seen her when / proposed
What did your wife say when you
stayed out so late last night? Il
don't know. She hasn't finished tell
ing 1t to me yet. Detroit Free Press.
Gentleman (hiring valet) Then
understand you have some knowledge
of barbering. You've cut hair. of and
on? Applicant-Of, sir. but never on.
Tommy's Mother-Why aren't you
good boy, like Willie Bjones? Tom
my-Huhl It's easy enough for him
to be good; he's sick most of the time.
Teacher-Didnt Jimmy Green help
you to do this sum? Willie-No'm.
Teacher-Are you sure he didnt7 VIII
lie-He didn't help me; he did 1t all.
Did yez know thot Casey TUX out
thousand dollars loife insurance
only the da-ay before he wuz kilt"
Sure! Casey wuz alwa-ays lucky
Life.
You call them a well-matched cou-
ple!" Il certainly do" why, she
is 30 short and he is so tall" He
is very short with her. Houston
Post.
Father-What! You want to marry
my daughter? Why, sir, you can't
support her. | can hardly do it my
self. Suitor-C-can't we chip in to-
gether?
Young Wifs-This dish, dearest, is
an original composition of my own.
Husband Well, l should rather, my
pet, that you would cook after the old
masters.
Mrs. Caller-Do you know the wo-
man next door we'll enough to speak
to? Mrs. Subbubs-Well enough? I
knew her too well to speak to-Sat.
urday Sunset.
Mrs. Hutton-We are organizing a
piano club, Mr.. Flatleigh. Will you
join us? Flatleigh-With pleasure,
Mrs. Hutton. What pianist do you
propose to club first?
What's become of Jakes?" Hes
gone all to pieces" you don't say
so! Nervous prostration?" mo; he
looked for a gas leak with lighted
candle. Baltimore American.
Judge-Why did you burn your barn
down, just after getting it insured?
Farmer-Your honor, poor man like
me can't afford to have a barn and
insurance, -Meggendorfer BlRtter
please contribute to our fund to
send a missionary to the cannibals.
Il won't-Im vegetarian and don't
believe in it. But I'll send them some
cereals, if you wish. cleveland
Leader.
Hobbs-I guess the elevator is out
of order. What is that sign on the
door? Dobbs-The elevator man must
be a bit of wag. 1t says, please
pardon me for not rising. Boston
Transcript.
my good man." said the kind old
lady to the ex-convict who had called
begging, what were you in for?"
''Robbing the guests in a hotel, num-"
"Ah! were you the proprietor OF the
head waiter?'
Fred-There seems to a lot more
fuss made of Miss AS singing than
Miss KS, and 1 am sure Miss K has
by far the richer voice. Jack-Ah,
yes; but Miss A has by far the richer
Courier.
Il see, my man, you have had many
trials" exclaimed a kind hearted old
lady to a tramp, who had called upon
her for assistance. Yes" replied the
tramp, and the worst of it there
we're so many convictions"
"Sir, have no home" began the
;eedy looking man, and" mo
axes to pay. no rent, no coal bills,
40 worry over the rise in milk prices!
Permit me to congratulate you" Il
lave no job and" Lucky chapl
No danger of being fired" But I am
serious. 1 have no money and"
No temptation to spend it foolishly
IN able-bodied beggars. Why, you're
veritable child of fortune Good
lay"
Too Sick to BE Nursed.