Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1910-04-01
Civil War Stories
How 1t Feels to BE killed in Battle

between the eyes. | was left on the
field for dead, published as killed, and
had the rare pleasure of reading my
obituary in a local newspaper several
months afterward. 1t was a fine piece
of writing. full of pathos and affected
me strangely. Testimony of that kind
ought to convince any fair-minded
| court that | really died for my coun-
| try, and ought to know something
about how it feels to go hence in a
| glorious cause. / will therefore try to
tell you how it looked to one who has
been to the margin of the dark river,
though it seems I didn't quite cross
over after all.
When the shot struck me it seemed
as if I had been hit with crowbar
! coming endwise at great speed. A
thought of that kind passed through
my mind at that time. / felt the mis-
sile tear through my head as plainly
as I ever felt anything, though it did
not do so, and I felt the air rush
through after it and chill my brain.
| was conscious what seemed to have
been two or three minutes, from the
amount of thinking [ did, but it might
not have been more than as many sec
onds, for | have since learned that the
mind can sometimes work with incon-
ceivable rapidity.
The first feeling that came over me
| was one of most terrible disappoint-
ment It was absolutely crushing 1t
was not feeling Of regret that | was
| cut down at the dawn of manhood
| never thought of that-but 1t was
a feeling of cruel disappointment that
! l had not been spared to get to the,
battery upon which We were charging
| at the time + was hit. A moment be-
| fore, my blood had been seeth1ng with
| that indescribable frenzy of excitement
| which can only be experienced when
| the veins are bursting with the thrill
| that goes through them when charge
into the very jaws Of death is being
| made I was too much maddened by
the intoxication of battle to think of
| personal danger. Not a thought OF
that kind crossed my mind. In the
earlier stages of the carnage the sight
| Of dead man had sickened me, and
I had felt my cheek blanch1ng and
my knees trembling when the blood
of comrade Redeemed the earth, but
not now. All feeling of timidity had
been swept away by the magnetism OF
| that sublime moment when victory was
in sight / felt tigerish, and thlrsted
for vengeance I wanted to get to
! that battery, and I wanted to get there
| bad. I was straining every nerve to
! that end, and to be cut down at the
| moment when victory was almost
within grasp, with shouts Of defiant
triumph bursting from my powder
stained lips, | tell you, friends, 1t was
! simply awful. Nothing in Language
can paint the wretched feeling Of dis
appointment that overwhelmed me at
| that cruel moment. Had I been spared
to reach the guns. 1 believe l could
have died without a regret, but to be
| snuffed out before the job was finished
! was a calamity too great to find .ex-
preston in words.
| Immediately after being hit | felt
myself sinking into a dazed condition,
| and then came season of debate with
! myself as to whether | was alive or
! dead. I had hole straight through
| my head big enough to admit a good
! sized cane, I thought; therefore L
must be dead. A man in my fix
would have been killed instantly,
| hence I was most certainly dead SO
! far as the body was concerned.
! could not be alive. 1t was contrary
| to all precedent. But some other
/ faculty of mind would combat this
argument and try to convince me that
I was still alive. II can move my hand
| or my FOOT [ would reason, 'and
corpse couldn't do that; so I'm alive
after ALL but | don't move my hand
or my foot" the other faculty would
insinuate. Il simply think / do; so /
must be dead. My brains are scattered
over the ground. There's no doubt
about that, for / felt them go, and that
| means instant death; SO Of course I'm
actually dead And so it went until I
lost all consciousness; one part Of the
brain trying to convince me thatI was
dead. and another trying as persistent
ly to persuade me that l was alive,
ali in a dreamy, semi-conscious sort of
way, gradually growing fainter and
fainter. somewhat like the sensation of
going to sleep.
There was no feeling Of pain; no
thought Of death, except as a stubborn
fact that could not be avoided. Not a
thought of my past life; no thought Of
friends or home. Not the slightest re-
greet at my untimely taking Off. aside
from the temporary feeling Of disap-
pointment above referred to. Not a
single pang that all my hopes and
ambitions had come to standstill.
My future status was not once consid-
cred. There was no hope Of heaven;
no fear of hell. | heard no celestial
music. | was not uplifted by angel
hands and borne gently away. No
seraphic beings robed in light fitted
before me with rustling wings. No
dark forms glowered upon me and
ho tn bo oJY11o Of