davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
STRIKE OF CHORUS QUELLED
Managers Threat That Singers Would
Have to Walk and Swim Home
Was Enough.

Speaking Of the opera recalls the
story Of the threatened strike of the
chorus of the Metropolitan when 1t
was playing three years ago at the
Nixon in Pittsburg. It was In April
and the last day Of the season. After
Pittsburg the company was going
east to disband for the summer. The
chorus Is imported from Europe ev-
cry year. or was then, under contract
to sing stipulated number Of weeks,
all road expenses and passage from
Europe and return included. Ernest
Goerlitz was managing the road tour
then for Conried and was Just settling
with the local manager for the per.
formance, which was IN Trovatore,
a matinee. and witnessed by the larg.
est crowd ever packed into a Pitts.
burg theater to hear grand opera. An
attendant came hurrying to the box
Office from behind the scenes and re-
ported that the chorus was going to
refuse to sing. Goerlitz bolted for the
stage. He was back in ten minutes
smiling.
THAT fool chorus was going to
strike" he explained. Il don't know
what about AS soon as they saw
me come on the stage they began
shouting at me in six languages. !
never waited to hear what the com.
plant was. but jumped on a chair and,
shaking my fists In their faces.
shouted:
Now, look, all of you. You either
sing or you don't sing. II you sing,
well and good. but II you don't sing
you walk to New York and swim to
Europe"
They could be heard singing Justify
at that moment.
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
t]t zRlE4T
a8g|REA| EE|7Illgk Y l||k|15&~
Postoffice Department May Pay Out

a marvel of cheapness. In volume
and in extent of territory covered
there Is nothing to be compared with
1t. The reduction in rates since the
days when 25 cents was charged for
letter from New York to Columbus,
O., does not cease to be a wonder.
The system which for two cents de-
livers a message in writing weighing
an ounce from Maine to San Fran
cisco not only but to the Philippines,
or from the southern point of Florida
TO the northern extremity of Alaska,
is a model of efficiency at the mini
the burden of mails oversee to Ger
tain countries where the foreign rates
are the same with our domestic
charge, the challenge Is bold that the
world presents no parallel to the
economy and to the achievement.
Europe Is compact IN population
with distances measured by hundreds
of miles only. This is especially true
of Great Britain. There penny post
age is proclaimed as a triumph and
an example. Americans forget that
the British penny Is the equal in cur
rent value of two cents of our money.
The cent Is often called a penny. but
1t is only half a penny. and thus the
term Is misnomer. Our postal rates
on letters are now Just those Of Great
Britain. Penny postage has long pre-
vailed here as well as there. That
with free rural delivery and with
transmission over the continent and
to the islands, the earnings are to
cover the expenses, may well crafty
officials and citizens.
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
Tn to Father

Father" well. what is it," .1t
says here. A man Is known by the
company he keeps Is that so. fa.
ther?" Yes. yes, yes" well. father.
II good man keeps company with
bad man, is the good man bad be-
cause he keeps company with the
pad man. and is the bad man good
because he keeps company with the
good man?"-Punch.
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
STOPPED SHORT
Taking Tonles, and Built Up %
Right Food.

The mistake II frequently made Of
trying to build up o worn-out nervous
system on so-called tonics-drugs.
New material from which to rebuild
wasted nerve cells Is what should be
supplied. and this can be obtained
only from proper food.
Two years ago found myself on
the verge Of . complete nervous col
lapse. due to overwork and study, and
to illness in the family" writes q Wis
consin young mother.
MY friends became alarmed be.
cause I grew pale and thin and could
not sleep nights. I took various tonics
prescribed BY physicians but thsir
effects wore OF shortly after !
stopped taking them. Ny food did
not seem to nourish me and gained
no flesh nor blood.
e Pleading Of Grape-Nuta, de-
termined to stop the tonics and see
what change Of diet would do. I
ate Grspe-Nuts four times . day,
with cream and drank milk also, went
to bed early after eating . dish Of
Grape-Nuts.
TN about two weeks I was sleeping
soundly. In . short time gained 20
pounds in weight and felt like =
different woman. Ny little daughter
whom was obliged to keep out Of
school last spring ON account oe
chronic catarrh has changed from o
thin, pale. nervous child to Q rosy.
healthy girl and has gone back to
school this fall.
"Grape-Nuts and fresh air were the
only agents used to accomplish the
happy results"
Read "The Road to WellviIle.s In
pkgs There's q Reason"
Ever read the above lstters 4 new
enc appeara from time to time. They
are genuine, tree and full ef hunaa
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16

Thousands of people who are suffering
with colds are about today. Tomorrow
they may be prostrated with pneumonia.
An ounce Of prevention 10 worth q pound
of cure. Get 25 cent bottle of Mum
yon's Cold Cure at the nearest drug
store. This bottle may be conveniently
carried in the vest pocket. IF you are
not satisfied with the effects Of the rem,
edy, send us your empty bottle and We
will refund your money. Munyon's Cold
Cure will speedily break up all forms of
colds and prevent grippe and pneumonia.
It checks discharges OF the nose and eyes,
stops sneezing, allays Inflammation and
fever. and tones up the system.
If you need Medical Advice, write to
Munyon's Doctors. They will carefully
diagnose your case and advise you by
mail. absolutely free. You are under no
obligation.
Address Munyon's Doctors, Munyon's
laboratory, SD and Jefferson streets. Phil
adelphia. Pa.
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16

Mrs Russell sages money creating
small amid
ed In crowded cities for the rich In the foreground
hotel railway
bridge Behind
others
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
Sure 20 Arriva-

Many things come to him vbe
waits. including his wife's relatives
poverty and old age.-Life.
Barbour County index., 1910-11-16
WHAT?

Weeks-Why are you stoppingf
You didn't run over that man.
Swiftly know 1t. I Just want to
see what ails the steering gear.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
Cause of Twilight.

Twilight Is !, phenomenon caused by
atmospheric refraction. When the sun
gets below the horizon we are not iT-
mediately plunged into the darkness OF
night. Although the sun is below our
horizon, rays of solar light are bent or
refracted by the terrestrial atmosphere
and continue to furnish some slight
Illumination. The process continues
with diminishing intensity until the
sun Is SO far below the horizon that
the refracting power of the atmos-
phere is no longer able to bend the
rays enough to produce a visible eff
feet. The time after sunset that the
sun reaches such position varies with
the latitude of the place. There Is less
twilight at the tropic zone than at the
temperate or frigid zone. This Is due
to less time taken by the suns rays 70
pass through the atmosphere, at the
tropic zone the suns rays being per-
pendicular and at the temperate and
frigid zones oblique.-New York Amer
icop
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
alexandria Gazette.
TUESDAY EVENING, JULY DC.
PUZZLED the Packer.

The first organized work of women
In a relief corps was led by Florence
Nightingale in the CrimeaD war OF
1855. So unaccustolned were people to
that service ut the time that 1t called
out some curious comment. Writing
Of "Chinese" Gordon DR.. Butler tells
in his book. Ten Great and Good
Men," how the boys at Cambridge met
the call upon them for hospital stoEea
One day u letter came suddenly from
the war Office telling US that any warm
clothes for the invaids at Scutari
would be priced by Miss Florence
Nightingale. At once in every college
n committee was extemporized Of lead
ing undergraduates, charged to collect
presents of flannel jackets. trousers,
"blazers," rugs, greatcoats, furs, even
sealskinS.
In a few hours box after box was
filed with these treasures, and all the
boxes were kindly and gratuitously
packed for us by the leading upholster-
err Of the town, his foreman simply re-
marking TO me in q tone which General
Gordon would have enjoyed:
"a nice consignment for lady, Sir"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
With a Grain Of Salt.

The earliest record Of the saying
with grain of salt dates back to the
year CO B. c.. when the great Pompey
entered the palace of Mithridatcs and
discovered among his private papers
the description Of an antidote against
poisons Of all sorts. which was COM
posed of pounded herbs These. ac-
cording to the recipe. were to Y taken
with grain Of salt. Whether this
was meant seriously or as Il warning
sarcasm is not known, but thenceforth
It became the custom to say that
doubtful preparations should be taken
with g grain Of salt. From this the
meaning got transferred to sayings OF
doubtful truth. "Attic salt" was q
Greek synonym for wit or penetration,
and the Latin word "sal" had some
what Of the same meaning. 1t is thus
easy to see how the saying cum
grano sails" could have come to mean
the necessity Of accepting doubtful or
suspicious statements with q grain OF
Solt"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26

yTIRGINIA.-In the Clerks Office Of
V the Corporation Court OF the City o
Alexandria, on the llth day of July, 1910
John Howard Richardson VS.. Della
Richardson. In chanccry.
Memo. The object of this suit is TO OBJ
tain for the complainant IN absolute I'll,
yorce from the defendant OH the ground
of wilrul descrton and abandonment
for more than three years prior TO the
institution of this suit. and for general
relief
1t appearing by an affidavit filed in
this cause that the defendant. Della
Richardson, is 4 nonresident OF TINS
State:
1t is Ordered: That said defendant APP
pear here within fifteen days after due
publication Of this order. and do what Is
nccc ssary to protect her interest III TINS
suit. and that 4 copy of this order be
forthwith inserted in the Alexandria
Gazette, 4 newspaper published in the
CITY Of Alexandria. once 4 week for loIir
successive weeks. and posted ut the front
door of the Court House OF this city.
4 copy-Teste.
NEWELL s. GREENAWA1, Clerk.
Charles Bendheim. p. q.
jyll WYNN
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26

yTIRGINIA-In the Clerk Office OF
Y Corporation Court OF the CITY OF
Alexandria, on the Sth day oil july
1910
Emma NJ. Morrison VS.. Harry II. Nor
rison. In chanccry.
Memo. The object of this suit IS 10
obtain an absolute divorce for the dcien-
dant on the ground Of his wilful dcSer,,
ton and abandonment OF her fora period
of more than three years before the
bringing of this suit: for the care and
custody of the infant child of the mar
rage: and for general relief.
1t appearing by an affidavit filed in
this cause that the defendant. Harry II.
Morrison. is nonresident Of this State:
1t is Ordered That said defendant
apnear here within fifteen days after due
publication of this order. and do what Is
necessary to protect his interest in this
suit. and that copy of this order be
forthwith inserted in the Alexandria
Gazette. newspaper published III the
CITY of Alexandria, once week Tor four
successive weeks. and posted att he front
door of the Court House Of this city.
4 copy--teste.
NEWELL S. GREENAWAY. Clerk.
Charles Bcndheim. p. q. JyS wiW-i
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
VIRGINIA Horse show: 1910.

Southern Railway begs to announce
that low round trip fares have been au-
thorized on account Of the following
Horse Shows:
Manassas Horse Show. Manassas. Va.
July 2I-2s.
Orange Horse Show. Orange, Va, Au-
gust 81.
Albcmarlc Horse Show. Charlottes-
vile. Va. August 9-10.
Front Royal Horse Show. Front Royal.
Va. August lG-lI.
Warrenton Horse Show. Warrenton.
Va. August 31-Septcmber l.
For further information concerning
rates authorized. territory from which
applying. dates of sale. final limit. etc.
cali upon nearest Southern Railway
agent.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
Winter Homes Folder. Season I9Io-i9II

1t is suggested that any of our readers
who desire 10 entertain boarders for the
ensuing winter months furnish Mr.. L. 5.
Brown. General Agent. Southern Rail
way. 70l Fifteenth street northwest.
Washington, d. c.. immediate Informal
ton rs TO name OF resort. postofficc adj
dress. ut or near what station, what dis
lance from station. conveyance from
station 10 house. number of guests.
terms per day. week and month.
We all would be pleased to see the
country full of boardcrs next winter and
would be glad if this notice will induce
increased number Of persons who will
accommodate them for the coming win
ter months.
This information should reach Mr..
Brown not later than August ! as the
folder goes 10 press on Augusta. and any
requests received later than the lst will
not be able to be inserted.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
By Samuel II. Lunt. Auctionccr.

DY VIRTUE OF THE DECREE EN-
ID tered in the chanccry cause ofJoSiah
Ellis VS.. George j. Ellis ct ais. on the
10th day fully, 1910. and pending i'll the
Corporation Court of the city OF +AlcXan-
tlria. Virginia. the undersigned commits
sioncr. appointed by said decree. will
offer for sale in front OF the Royal street
entrance to the Market Building. i'll the
city OF Alexandria. Virginia. on
SATURDAY. THE 9Th DAY OF
AUGUST. 1910.
at twelve o'clock NJ. the following dc
scribcd real estate situate in the city oil
Alexandria. Virginia:
That certain brick tenement and LOT OF
ground in the city of Alexandria. Va.
situate on the east side Of Washington
street. between Duke and Wolfe streets.
and bounded on the north by IN alley,
and on the south by the property for
merly owned by Thomas Swami. dc
ceased running cast 100 feet. IL inches,
more or less. being the same property
which was conveyed by Phineas jan
news executors 10 D. r. Blacklock by
deed dated July &c. 1888. recorded in llber
p. No 3, folio 232 land records of Alex
andria county. Virginia. and also the
same property conveyed by d. r. Black
lock to JAS II. Grubb by deed dated the
Sth day of November. 1861. land records
Of Alexandria county. Virginia. i'll deed
book Y. No. ). page $50. and bcqucathed
by the same JAS. II. Grubb to the said
Ella NJ. Alarbury by will dated the lth
day of November, 1873. and probated
September Is, 1910
Terms of sale: Onc-third cash and the
balance in six and twelve months and
the retention of the title until deferred
payments are paid, the purchaser giving
his notes for the deferred payments with
interest ut six per cent until paid.
SAMUEL G.. BRENT.
rop,uicSioprr Of Sale.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
MoIokai and the Lepers.

The general idea Of the leper settle
ment on the island Of Molokai IS
wrong, says a writer In Harper5
Weekly. Instead Of the entire island
being used for the leper colony the set
tlement comprises only eight square
miles out Of total area Of 261 square
miles. 1t occupies tongue of land on
the northern side Of Molokai. The
north, east and west shores Of this
tiny spit are washed by the Pacific,
while on the south side rise precipitous
cliffs Of from 1900 to 1000 feet, which
make the isolation seem even more
hopeless than the beautiful deep blue
waters Of the sea ever could. The
most difficult and dangerous trail, con-
stantly manned by government guards,
foils escape. if 1t were ever contem-
plated, by the land side.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
33rd Annual Temperance "Bush'
Meeting, Purcellville, Va, August
2-IO, 1910.

Southern Railway announces account
the above occasion very low round trip
fares from Washington. Alexandria.
Bluemont and intermediate points; dates
of sale August 1st TO 10th inclusive, final
return limit August II, 1910.
Special train will be operated from
Washington and Alexandria to Purcell
Vile and return August 3 "wednesday,
leaving Washington $40 n. IN. and Alex
andria Nv. e o. station) 1:i5 4. M. stop
ping ut all points: returning leave Pur-
cellvillc 800 p. nj. same day. Sufficient
extra equipment will De attached to
regular trains during course ofthc meet
ing to properly take care Of travel going
and returning.
Special train will also be operated
Lcesburg to Purcellvillc Sunday. Au-
gust eth. leaving Leesburg 1890 4. M,
returning leave Purccllvillc 703 p. m.
same day.
on Tuesday and Wednesday. August
9 and TO- train 10. reaching Lccsburg
s:l5 D. nj. will be continued through to
Purccllville: returning leave Purcellvilic
IO25 D. m. each night for Lccsburs.
For further information call on nearest
Southern Railway ticket agent or write
l.. S. Brown. General Agent, Ie5 Fif-
teenth street northwest, Washington,
ID. c.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26

V7IRGINIA.-In the Clerks Office of
' the Corporation Court Of the City OF
Alexandria, on the 10Th day of June,
1910.
Lillian T. Mansfield VS.. Robert y. Mans
field. In chancery.
Memo The object ofthis suit is to OBJ
tain for the complainant an absolute di--
vorce from the defendant on the ground
of adultery committed by him. and for
general relief.
1t appearing by an affidavit filed i'll this
cause that The defendant, Robert y.
Mansfield. is Il nonresident of this State:
1t is Ordered. That said defendant APP
pear here within fifteen days after due
publication Of this order, and do what is
necessary to protect his interests in this
suit. and that copy of this order be
forthwith inserted in the Alexandria
Gazette, 4 newspaper published III the
CITY of Alexandria. once week for four
successive weeks. and posted Mt the front
door OF the Court House Of this city.
4 copy-rEsTE
NEWELL S. GREENAWAY.C Clerk.
ny LOUIS \. DrFFEY. d. {.
Charles Bendhcim. p. q. jc3O w4w-thu
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
RAILROADS
Southern Railway.
Trains leave Union Station, Alexandria.
In effect Juno Is. 1910.

Trains leave Union Station, Alexandria.
In effect Juno IS. 1910.
\. B.-Following schedule figures pub
lishcd only as information, and are not
guaranteed.
TAI A. M-Daily local between Wash
ington and Danville.
SAT A. M.-Daily-Local for Harrison
burg and way stations.
Dir A. M.-Dailr-U. S. Fast Mail.
Stops only for passengers forpoints south
ut which scheduled to stop. First class
coaches: sleeping cars to Birmingham
and drawing room sleeping cars to New
Orleans. Dining car service.
u:I7 a. M.-Daily-A1ailt train. Coaches
for Manassas. Charlottesville. LynchburS,
Danyille and Greensboro. Sleeping cars
Greensboro to Atlanta.
AT =. M.-Wcek days-Local for war
rcnton and Harrisonburs.
4:s2 p. MISUNDERSTANDING spec
ial. Sleeping ears between New YORK,
Augusta, Aiken and NJ; Jack ;,I,i = lie
Sleeper TO Birmingham. Through first,
class coaches between Washington ana
Jacksonyillc Dining car service. Tour
list TO California four times weekly.
3:52 p. M.-Week days-Local Tor Har-
risonb,rr and way stations on Manassas
branch. Pullman buffet parlor ear.
5:l2 =. M.-Daily-Local for Warren
ton and Charlottesville.
1927 p. Notwithstanding ana
Chattanooga Limited Via Lynchburg).
First-class coach and sleeping ears TO
Roanoke, Knoxville and Chattanooga.
Sleeper to New Orleans, Washington to
Roanoke. Dining car service.
uD2 z. M-Daily-NewG York, Atlanta
and New Orleans Limited. All Pullman
train, club and observation ears to New
Orleans. Sleeping cars to Asheville,
Atlanta. Macon and New Orleans. Sleep
ing cars to Charlotte. Dining car service.
I2T A. M.-Daily-Memphis special.
Sleeping cars and coaches for Roanoke.
Knoxville, Nashville, Chattanooga and
Memphis. Dining car service. wash
ington sleeping cars open 1000 +. NJ.
Through trains from the south arrive
ut Alexandria GI3 and 6:2S and 1929 Il. III.
o:l3, IDS. 1913 and rs p. NJ. daily. liar
rfsonbur9 IL 80 y. NJ. week days and 9:l3
T.. NJ. daily. From Charlottesville 9:22S
y. VI.
TRAINS ON BLUEMONT BRANCH.
Leave Alexandria CIV. 4 o. Stationl
week DAYS ut SD \. NJ, 1910, AS and
5:l5 p. NJ. for Bluemont: G:s5 p. NJ. week
DAYS for Lccsburg: 5l5 p. NJ. daily for
Blucmont and 1902 and9.2 y. NJ. local.
and 9n2 a. NJ. LTD. on Sundays only Tor
Blucmont.
For detailed schedule figures, tickets.
Pullman reservation. etc. apply to
WILLIAM G.. LEHEW.
Union Ticket Agent, Alexandra. Va.
j.. III. COAPMAE. General Manager.
:. II. IIiRDWICk. Pass. Traf Mgr.
III. f.. GARY. General Passenger Agent.
l.. S. BROWN, General Agent.
Washington, ID. {.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
Stupid Husband of a Noted Singer.

Stupid Husband of Noted Singer.
Catalanis husband, handsome
Frenchman, was even more unintel-
lectual than his wife-he was stupid.
Once, having found the pitch Of the
piano too high, she said after the re-
hearsal to her husband: THE piano is
too high. Will you see that it is made
lower before the concerts? When the
evening came Catalani was annoyed
to end that the piano had not been
altered. Her husband sent for the car
penter, who declared that he had saw
ed of two inches from each leg, as
he had been ordered to do. Surely 1t
can't be too high now, my dear" said
the stupid husband soothingly.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26

hlNlA.
Pursuant to the terms OF n deed OF
trust bearing date on June Goth. 1908, and
duly recorded in the land records in the
county of Alexandria, Va, in deed book
No. ll6, page h9l, given by Ada i. }.
Farrar. trustee. and Eta G. Shields. 10
Carroll Pierce. default having been made
in the payment of the notes secured by
said deed OF trust. the undersigned hay
ing been required to do-so by the hold
ers of said notes. will offer for sale IT pub
lie auction on the promises. on
THURSDAY AUGUST 4, 1910.
nj 40 o'clock y. m. all those two lots oil
ground with the buildings and improve
mcnts thereon. known as Villas Nos. IS
and 20 in Braddock Heights. Alexandria
county. Va. rs shown upon plat duly.
of record in the land records Of the said
county Of Alexandria. Va. III deed book
C-No. 4. page 60. together with all the
appurtenances: being the same property
conveyed to the said Ada i. J. Farrar by
a deed duly OF record III the land records
in deed book los. page 100. in trust for
the said Eta G.. Shields with full power
to her TO mortgage the same.
Terms of salc-Cash. All conveyanccs
ut cost Of the purchaser.
CARROLL PIERCE, Trustee.
iy2l til
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
ThrniInh the Cracks.

When the celebrated divine Edward
Irving was Old q preaching tour IN
Scotland two Dumfrles men Of decid-
ed opinions went to hear him. When
they left the hall one said , the other:
"Well, Willie. what do you think"
.sOh," said the other contemptuously.
"the mans cracked"
The first speaker laid a quiet hand
on his shoulder.
"Nil." said he. you'll often see q
light peeping through crack"
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26

I've had my little outing where pleasure
and business did combine:
And I'm back again to business Of the
staid and regular kind.
YES. the senior member OF Cameron
Dairy Lunch Is back again TO regular
business. IRREGULAR" Do you known
that like this word? 1t means The elm
nation of doubt and uncertainty. IL
means correct methods that rarely tl!is
TO produce good results. y rs. am 9ac x
from Atlantic City having left "IU Ma
LIFE in the capable hands OF Ar
RALPH OLINIT, who is giving tnc
visitors of that resort the biggest iilertLy
value in magazines ever offered 10 Tue
reading public. -AleXandrians vlsilihs
this resort will do well to call on NM
Booth l45. Exposition Building, boaF",
walk and Kentucky Avenue. so ! ai,,
back TO regular business anu ihpltt i IL
ERON DAIRY LUNCH, 800 hing '''
Open all night.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1910-07-26
A Poor PLAYER.

Griggs-So you got home from the
club at midnight. Well. suppose you
told wife you had to work late at the
office. Played upon her sympathies'
Ell? Briggs Well-er-yes. but either
her sympathies were out of tune or
I'm a darned poor instrumentatist-
Boston Transcript.