davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
Ready for the Summer Boarder.

The dignified president of well
known and f1ourishing New England
college, in his moments of relaxation,
tells the following story at his own ex-
pense:
One summer some years ago he
spent a vacation of several weeks at a
farm house in a Maine town. The
next season he received letter from
his former boarding mistress inquiring
if he would like to return.
In reply he stated that he would be
very glad to pass another summer va
cation with her. provided some needed
changes were made about the place.
First wrote the college president,
your maid Mary is persona non grata,
being anything but neat and orderly in
her ways, and If she is still with you
I trust you will at least not allow her
to wait on the table.
Secondly. + would suggest that the
sanitary conditions on your place
would be greatly improved if the
pigsty were moved back a few rods
farther from the house or done away
with altogether
81 will wait until I hear from you
before deciding about coming"
The somewhat peculiar college
president was treasured by the receipt
of the following reply:
MARY has went. We hain't had no
hogs on the place since you was here
last summer. Be sure and GOMEZ
Judges Library.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
QUAKER MEDrTATIoNs.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record
Laced makes waist.
1t is quite possible for a negative
reply to be given in positive man
ner.
A talkative woman is always popu-
lar with the men. because there isn't
any other kind.
The astronomer studies the stars,
but the average man likes to watch
the chorus girls.
+ Some people can get used to pow
erty more readily than to wealth. I1ey
have more practice.
Nell-Mr. Checksuit wears 5tun-
ming clothes. Believes: 1 feel posi-
lively stunned every time meet hum.
Falling in love is the easiest thing
in the world. but it requires consider
able ingenuity to engineer falling
out
Don't be a mollycoddle,'' admon-
ished the stern parent. Talk like a
man" Eyes: and then you'd give me
lickin' for cussin'," whimpered the
boy.
Blobbs-Black eyes denote a pug
nacious disposition. Slobbs-Oh. not
always Sometimes a fellow gets
black eye by humping into lamp
post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
THE WELL-BELoyED ENEMY.

know a chap who's used me ill
Almost since was born.
hes put my name to many q bill
And trouble most forlorn-
In school he's cost me endless woe,
Too many here to tell,
And yet in spite of all, dye know,
love him mighty well.
He had me spanked when was ten
For something that he did.
AS look back upon him then
He was a fearful kid.
lie said mean things about my dad,
The little infidel.
And yet there was no other lad
cared for quite as we'll
In college he on mischief bent
On me put all the blame,
No matter where that villain went,
For me twas quite the same.
He had the fun, 1 got the hook,
In all things that befell,
And yet by some queer mental crook
I loved that fellow we'll.
The girl I loved he went and wooed.
Is father Of a lovely brood
OF Riddles blithe and gay.
His are the glances of her eye,
His is the blissful spell.
Yet spite of all can't deny
I love him just as well.
know full well his weaknesses,
And yet there's something in me says
He's not a half-bad kind
And though he's been an enemy
Beyond all parallel,
The time has never ceased to be
When I have loved him well.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Mans will is a weak thing when a
woman gets busy with it.
Knowing what one wants and know
ing how to get it are decidedly differ
ent propositions.
Some dresses are probably referred to
as poems because they leave a lot to the
imagination.
y X X
Whenever a girl starts on a man-hunt
she wants to fight shy Of the fellow
who is not 'ked by other men.
X x X
Many persons who trace back their
genealogical trees find ancestors
a-plenty of the undesirable sort.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
SUICIDES AND POISON.

A young girl, respondent over love
affair that had gone awry, ended her
life here the other day by taking a
large dose Of chloroform which she had
purchased for that purpose at drug
store without any especial difficulty
indeed, merely by asking for it, assign
ing a false reason for which she want
ed it, and paying the price demanded.
Not a few suicides have occurred in
this locality of late and several of them
have been accomplished through pois-
ons which have been readily bought
at drug stores. The same conditions
are true of many similar incidents in
various sections of the state.
Now, perhaps, number of those
who have killed themselves in this man
ner would be in the land of the living
today If they had not been able to Sc
cure the poisons for their rash acts.
It is a plausible surmise that many
persons who take their own lives would
hesitate some little time about COM
hitting the terrible act If they had to
use a harsher method than poison. 1t
takes more courage than the average
suicide is equipped with to pull re-
1olver and bang away at ones own
head; to jump in front of a railroad
train with the knowledge that the body
will be mangled in a horrible fashion
or to end it all in a variety OF other
ways. But with poison at hand-well,
the Job is a comparatively easy one
If any suffering ensues it is OF snort
duration. And If poison were not at
hand many of those who contemplate
suicide with it would have their
thoughts turned in other directions. as
happens frequently. The would-be sui
cides who hesitate and live are many.
The thing to do. therefore, is to keep
roisons of life taking power away from
all people. It can be done by state
law which will prohibit druggists from
selling any acute and life-destroy1ng
poison to persons unless they can pro-
duce an order from physicians demand
ing it. Some states have such laws.
New York is one of them. There is no
good reason why all states should not
have them and Kansas in particular II
she is solicitous Of her reputation as
a state which is progressive in all
things. There are state rules and reg
ulations at the present time concern
irg the sale Of poisons by druggists,
but they are merely Of the formal sort
and act in no way as a deterrent to the
purchase of poisons by persons who
want them for improper purposes.
Things should be decidedly different
though, in this particular.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
A Hard Target to Hit.

A member of the cabinet was ap-
preached the other day in Washington
by a disappointed and disgrunted Of
ficeseeker, who said:
''Mr. Secretary, where is all that new
Republican prosperity that you were
going to give us?"
'fWhy." replied the secretary. a lit
tie piqued, sit is everywhere. Labor
is being employed; capital is becoming
active, prosperity is striking out in,
every direction"
'sWell, 1t hasn't struck me yet"
snapped the disgruntled one testify.
you see," replied the secretary ''it
is pretty hard to hit nothing."-Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
HUAOR or THE Day

every cheap crook who gets arrested
that will vi shake civilization to its base
WeiIF I've been listening patiently
Anything ys 1ow PIT haven't heard
How do you get that emotional actress
G 90 sne1 Tears at each performance?" 1T
manager. although I shouldn't like to
nave nave it generally known. Before her big
and tell her how little real money there
is in the house." Star.
Have you desirable neighbors?" lex
cellent. They never have tried to become
acquainted. Buffalo Express.
she-The West Point boys are so hand
some. He (sourly)-Yes, uniformly good
looking--Cornell Widow.
Knicker-Several thousand sbirtwaist-
makers are on strike. Henpekt-Do you
suppose 1t would do any good for the
shrtwsist buttoners to rike?-New
ICY Your h husband is a great Hometown.
evenings when we're invited out together"
Detroit Free Press
You have heard it said that there are
only three original jokes.'' YES well,
have seen at least one of them-a man
arguing with street car conductor over
a transfer. Buffalo Express.
T wonder what the inventions of the
vices to protect us from the inventions of
the last ten."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
monds in the diadem you gave me last
year are false. He-Why, then, they just
suit your golden hair.-Meggendorfer
$50 Miss Hayo the telephone operator.
has broken her engagement with your
Yep. After she got my number she
handed the presents back, put out her
li Ana y wte sihapey hans pau We pIs
patch.
ing the lowest in her class. little Mabel
exclaimed in tones of injured innocence:
1T amt my fault. The girl who has al
ways been foot left school. THE Delin-
Teacher.Jimmie. correct this sentence:
teacher am a sight-Tft-Bits.
dent 9s care Ssss to f aFns aYeE sTsy:
hates vacuum. Leader.
4t DC you BY t M sf gdoeps
that will beat three of a kind. wash
ington Star.
silicus-what becomes of loves young
old Philadelphia Record.
"wen. .Rastus. I'm glad you like your
new employer. Remember. you cannot do
too much for him. mo, sab. I don't
mean to."-St. Louis Times.
Churchill a man wants to have dis
agreeable things said about him he should
run for office. Gotham-Or discover the
North Pole.-Yonkers Statesman.
ssPa, what's public opinion?" 1T is the
greatest force have in this country.
except when 1t bumps against the United
States senate."-Chicag Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

That's a good idea of the Provident
association to lease vacant lots in and
about the city for the cultivation of
vegetables during their seasons. Not
only will this provide work for those
who need it but much valuable produce
can be raised which will be most ac-
ceptabIe to the poor of the city. Con-
siderable OF the crop might also be sold
and the money devoted to other neces-
stiles in the charitable work of the as
.-.to%fov
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

The Chicago Federation of Labor has
good reason to believe that some break
fast food concerns use cast-off peanut
shells as a basis for their products
That wouldn't be very surprising. And
then, what's the use Of wasting peanut
shells il they can be made to serve any
purpose? Still, breakfast foods made
from peanut shells ought to be labelled
as sr1ch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
Agreed With the Court.

A lawyer came into court drunk,
when the Judge said to him:
'Sir, am sorry to see you in a sit
uation which is a disgrace to yourself
and family and the profession to which
you belong"
This reproof elected the following
co1loquy:
Did your honor speak to me?'
ct did, sir. I said, sir, that, in my
opinion. you disgraced yourself and
family, the court, and the profession by
your course of conduct"
'May lit please your honor, I
have been an attorney in-in--in this
c-court for fifteen years, and permit
me to say, your honor, that this is
the first correct opinion I ever knew
you to give.'-Dundee Advertiser.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
Rooster on Cowcatcher.

When the $40 express arrived yes
terday afternoon people noticed that
little Robert Thompson, who was in
the crowd, started on a run for the
engine. In a minute or two he climbed
on the front of the locomotive. and as
people began to call the engineer to
look out for the boy, Thompson
jumped to the platform with a large
Plymouth Rock rooster in his arms.
1t had been picked up somewhere
On the route by the LOCOMOTIVES; its
feet caught SO that it was held, and
Thompson secured it practically I'M
injured.-Lee correspondence of the
Springfield Republican.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Mrs. Russell Sage has Just given
Yale university $65O.0oo In cash for
the purpose of adding to its real
estate possessions. Mrs. E. H. Harri-
man has offered to deed to the state
of New York a tract of 1000 acres
in the Catskills for the purpose of a
public park. Apparently the richest
women of the United States are of
the right sort.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
REFLECTION OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.1
Temperament is a polite term for
cussedness.
A widows sweet disposition always
lasts till the next husband.
If it weren't for holidays and family
visits life would be rather jolly.
A man worries about the money he
has spent. a woman about the money
she wants to spend.
Musical talent in children is as com
mon as the critical judgment of their
parents who think they have 1t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

The value of the mineral output of
Alaska for the past year is estimated at
$4,000. 00o most of it in gold. But that
figure looks like the proverbial thirty
cents when compared with the value
Of the products of the Kansas farms
for the past vear-$3O7 53S. 164.9l.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

While Colonel Roosevelt. according
TO report, is being paid by Scribner's
an almost unheard of sum of money
per word for his story of the African
hunt, it must be admitted that he gives
pretty good measure occasionally. In
the last installment of his tale he
tosses in the word "permanganating'
n such an easy fashion that he evil
IDENTIFY did it without the batting of an
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

full employee out of office-a man who is
yet competent in every way to dis
charge the duties Of this particular Of
flee in a most efficient fashions not
one that will be popular with the tax
payers and voters Of this community.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

According to belief expressed by the
Philadelphia Press 1.-THE Anglo-Saxon
language will become the dominant
speech OF the world in the near future"
The Chicago Record-Herald hopes that
the Japs will not regard this as slap
a. than
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

A few yells of treason" treason -
are to be expected from William Jen-
nings Bryan. The Democrats of Mis-
souri, are planning dinner Of a two
dollar a plate variety. Such action
smacks of plutocracy in the eyes of the
1arnIefariaf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
The False Teeth Trade.

Some idea Of the general use of false
teeth may be gathered from the state
ment that twenty millions of them are
exported from America to England
every year. When we consider that
probably not more than half the in
habitants Of Great Britain indulge in
the luxury of false teeth, no matter
how many grinders they may have
lost, these figures would seem to in
dictate that nearly every one in Eng
land suffers from defective or missing
teeth. AS far as observation goes, the
United States is no better off than En-
gland in this Respectable Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Following the precedent set by
President Taft in deciding that whisky
is whisky, the Chicago health author
tiles should have no difficulty in de-
termining that ice cream is ice. cream.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
Repairs Free For Poor scholars.

It Is proposed that the boots and
clothes of necessitous children in at
tendance at the London county coun-
ellis day and residential special schools
shall be repaired free of cost to the
making and tailoring classes conduct
ed at such schools. It is held that
the work would afford useful and nee
essary practice for pupils in these
classes, and no expense beyond that
already authorized would be incurred.
London Evening Standard.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
eocIation

No criticism is to be found concern
ing the personality Of Mr.. Bacon who
has been appointed to succeed Alfred
c. Hale as poor commissioner for the
county when his term expires. but the
action Of majority of the county COM
missioners in turning an old and faith
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

China is real mean in refusing at this
particular time to arbitrate her differ
ences with Portugal on the question Of
the Macao boundary. King Manuel is
distracted enough these days in look
ing for a wife
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

The best COW in England. which has
just been brought to this country, is
finally in her proper sphere.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Possibly the bull elephant that Col
onel Roosevelt recently brought to
earth is just as we'll pleased. He was
compelled to lug around tusks that
weighed 10 pounds
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Dispatches from New York city state
that cash is scarce in Wall street This
is a chronic condition with any guam
tity OF people regardless Of the wave Of
prosperity which is rolling on.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

It occurs to the Chicago Tribune that
"when a Kansas farmer sells his hogs
at nearly 9 cents a pound he refrains
from joining in the howl about the high
cost of living"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

This is just a little bit too much.
Pedestrian Weston is going to walk
across the continent again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

This recent snow was also beautiful
while it was falling.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
EFT tu, scipio!

Presumably, the wheat crop has been
Sawed" again.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Apparently, the Kansas winter OF
1s0s-1s1O has found that long road with
out a turn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
KANSAys COAAENT
"a DEBTLESS sTATE-

Pennsylvania, about which you hear
SO much in connection with corruption
in politics, is one of the few states. If
not the only state, free from debt. Hav-
ing attained this desirable condition. it
is provided that the state shall never
go IN debt, except to supply certain
deficiencies in revenue, and for this
purpose never more than $1,000
Massachusetts,. with half the popula-
ton OF pennsylvania, and regarded as
a model in many matters of govern
ment, has a debt of sec. 1000, 900. In
Europe one finds the Netherlands. with
about the same population as Pennsyl-
vania, with a debt of $450. 900, 900. Bel
GUM has about the same population,
and debt of $3.50, OOO, 900, on which it
must pay interest of 49,. 100000 a year.
That interest is something of a burden,
as will be shown by the fact that Penn
sylvanla. the debtless state. with all
the extravaganza which has been
shown in connection with its govern
ment, has annual revenues Of but $780,
100000. or less than Belgium must pay
on the national debt. Still, there is no
doupt that Pennsylvanians kick On
taxes being too high, and, no doubt,
they are.-Atchison Globe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05
COMEDY AND TRAGEDY.

very close together down the stream
OF llfe do these two currents of comedy
and tragedy run.
The gifted author, beloved of all the
nation, sends to his newspaper friends
1ocose message commenting in his
cnaracterlst1c way on the report that
his death was at hand.
ana within 4 few hours after death
really came; not to himself, but to his
best beloved daughter.
Inc world mourns with him in his
anlctfon, coming in the winter of his
ire, as it does in the winter of the
year; 1t mourns with him, as it has
laughed with him for many years;
laughed at his droll humor, his in
cisive shafts Of wit and reason. his
plain, common sense.
He is great man, this shaggy
white named humorist: a man whose
name will live long, and whose liter
airy works will ever be a source of
pleasure and profit to the people He
has seen life; he has weathered some
OF the most terrible tempests of adver-
tree of great generation of writer's
his old age is saddened by great be-
reavement.
1t is tragedy running close beside
the comedy Of life.-Salina Journal.
BABIES IN THE BLOCK.
The babies in the block. or in other
words, city babies in flats, are not to
be exposed to the discomforts of hotel
life, or be thrust out on the streets
That has been decided in a test case
up in Chicago, where the constitution
atty of late law passed by the
Illionis legislature, forbidding the re-
lection of tenants because of the fact
that they have children, has been up.
The judge decided that the law is con-
stitutional, and that the rejection Of
tenants by landlords, or their election,
because of the fact that there are chill
dren in the family, is contrary to pub
lie policy.
OF course this will not prevent many
landlords from barring people who
have children from the flats owned by
them, because some other excuse could
readily be conjured up, but in the
case of people who are already occu-
pants of these flats, there can be no
election because Of the fact that life
is enlivened by these sunbeams.
The law is on the side of the babies
-Leavenworth Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

II wonder what. the inventions of the
next ten years win beg" Probably de-
vices to protect us from the inventions of
the last ten" cleveland Plain Dealer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Shell have just discovered that the dia-
monds in the diadem you gave me last
year are false. He-Why, then, they just
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

You have heard it said that there are
only three original jokes" yes" well,
I have seen at least one of then-a man
arguing with a street car conductor over
transfer. Buffalo Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

has broken her engagement with your
Yep. After she got my number she
handed the presents back, put out her
little white, shapely hand" "Weu?'
And said: Ring Off st. Paul Dis
patch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Your husband is a great horne-lover.
| isn't he?" Yes, especially on the
evenings when we're invited out together"
Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Knicker-Several thousand shirtwaist-
makers are on strike. Henpekt-Do you
shirtwaist buttoners to ke?-New
York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

She-The West Point boys are SO hand
some. He (souriyl-Yes. uniformly good
looking.-Cornell Widow.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Silicus-What becomes of loves young
dream? Cynicus-Well, it never dies of
old age.-Philadelphia Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Being upbraided by her mother for be-
ing the lowest in her class, little Mabel
exclaimed in tones of injured innocence:
'It amt my fault. The girl who has al
ways been foot left school. THE Delin-
Gator
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Have you desirable neigabors? '' "Ex-
cellent. They never have tried to become
acquainted. buffalo Express.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

Churchill a man wants to have dis
agreeable things said about him he should
run for office. Gotham-Or discover the
North Pole.-Yonkers Statesman.
.sPa. what's public opinion?" ''It is the
greatest force we have in this country:
except when 1t bumps against the United
States nate.'-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

"Well, Rastus, I'm glad you like your
new employer. Remember. you cannot do
too much for him." mo, sab, don't
mean to."-St. Louis Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-01-05

What do you mean by the glad hand %
Anything" answered Mr.. B1oochips,
that will beat three Of a kind. wash
ington Star.