The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1910-05-05

CANDIDATE"
gwine to cast my fust vote men cum
to me and told me not to vote fur dis
one and dat one, and | finally got so
mixed up dat on lection day | went
off rabbit huntin' and didn't vote at
all.
II was greenhorn den, but / have
since learned thing or two. In de
fust place, our politicians are jest as
honest as our grocers or any other
class of business men. De whole world
am on de make. / are sittin' in a
church on Sundays whar de preacher
gifts $400 year. If any odder congre-
CATION would pay him hundred mo-
he'd shake us in month, and /
wouldn't blame him. A thing Is not
only wuth all it's wuth, but all you kin
git fur 1t.
Fright straight along fur de last
fo'ty years when lection times come
round dar am de same old story about
dishonest men. / used to believe 'em
and take 1t to heart, but l got ober
dat long ago. take it dat one party
am jest as good and jest as bad as
anodder. | take 1t dat one man am
Jest as good and Jest as bad as anod-
der.
81 once knowed mighty good white
man, and my respect fur him amount
ed to reverence. | used to think dat
when he cum to die de gates of heaven
would be standin' open fur him. Arter
time he run fur office. 1t wasn't
much Of an office, but it was big 'nuff
to bring out his record. What did /
read and hear bout dat good man?
According to the Newspapers.
II read dat he sent his ole mother to
de porehouse.
"Dat he burned nayber's barn.
"Dat he hadn't told de truth in thir-
ty years.
"Dat he was allus cuftin' his wife
and beatin' his chlll'en.
dat he was a bankrupt, a thief, a
hypocrlte, and had been in prison fur
stabbn' a man.
"My frens, when l read and heard
all dose things about de man | had
reverenced jist broke down and cried.
Den | went right ober to his house to
console him. To my amazement, he
didn't need any consolashun. He was
as clipper as you please. He wasn't
eben put out He said dat II was sim
ply de way of politics and | mustn't
pay any tenshun to It, And next day
arter lection de men who had called
him de hardest names were walkin'
arm in arm wild him and proud of de
honor.
Don't you believe nuthin' dat you
hear about a candydate. BE he high
or low, rich or poor, 1t is deemed nee
essary to pitch into him and smirch
his character as much as possible fur
a few days. Arter dat, whether 'lect-
ed or defeated, he am all right ag'in.
It's Jest our leetle way, you see. Dar
am two parties. If you belong to one
you am spected to say and believe dat
de odder am composed of rascals and
villains. We all know better, but dat's
anodder Of our leetle ways.
"I've knowed score of different pol
iticians, and I've allus been told to
look out fur 'em and dat dey would
sell my grandmother's grave If dey
got de chance. Nobody eber told me
to look out fur lawyers and insurance
and real estate men, but as a matter of
fact II was one of de latter class dat
sold me a bit Of land wuth $3.50 fur
double dat price, and, as fur my grand
mothers grave, lawyer stole de hull
graveyard wherein she was buried. A
politician simply bankers fur Office,
aches for an easy salary and wants
power. He'll graft II you leave de
bars down, but so will bookkeeper
fur an undertaken It's our leetle way
to graft. De politicians of de kentry
don't steal half as much as de bankers.
Jest remember dat when you read all
de hard things In de papers.
"Giveadam Jones reckoned he had
voted fur dozen rascals bekase dey
was on his ticket, and he prides hisself
on wotin de straight thing. don't
Imagine dar was single rascal among
de lot Dey was simply average men.
Put cash register into de office along
wild 'em and count up de receipts