davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Cost Him So,

the supreme court of the state in
Trenton. The first thing he did after
arriving in the capital city was to
hunt up a barber shop, in front of
which, as the successful candidate
was being shaved, large crowd of
the curious gathered.
In due course the governor, smooth
as to chin. started to pay the barber.
He felt in one pocket-no money. In
d1Smay he turned to the barber.
when a friend rushed up and offered
his purse, while the crowd outside.
quick to grasp the little comedy,
cheered frantically.
A moment later Governor Parker
had taken his stand upon the thresh-
old of the shop.
Fellow citizens he said, II began
the campaign which ended yesterday
with the understanding that l was to
spend no money to secure my election
and that my party was to srend none,
except for printing and other absolute
ly necessary incidentals. When / be-
gan my campaign l started out from
my home in Freehold with a ten-dollar
bill in my pocket. / spoke in every
county in the state and every day for
the past two weeks. When l arrived
at my home the night before election
found that had just two dollars left
of that ten-dollar bill. Eight dollars
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Col. lngersoII's Army Experience Con-
WINGED Him Presidents Wound
Was MortaI-Guiteau Didn't
Say "I'm a Stalwart."

Not without little pride l look
back on the fact that the newspaper
reports I sent from Washington from
day to day following the shooting of
President Garfield by Guiteau accu-
rately foreshadowed the president s
death. And, curiously enough, one of
the incidents that caused me right
from the start to take a most serious
view of the nature of the presidents
wound occurred not more than an
hour after Garfield had been shot
down in the railroad station.
Garfield had been carried to one of
the executive offices on the second
floor Of the station, and while the ply
sicians worked over him and we who
were representing the press of the
country were gathered on the floor
below, behe1d Col. Robert G. Inger-
soil coming down the stairs that led
to the upper tier of offices. l knew
him well, and, Fastening up to him,
asked: 'Have you seen the presi-
dent?"
For a moment he could not control
his emotions sufficiently to speak.
Then he nodded, and in voice that
1 shall never forget, for the awe that
was in it, said:
1.-THE wound is mortal one.
know it; my army experience taught
me many things about gunshot
wounds When I went into the room
Garfield recognized me and tried to
speak encouragingly, but his voice
was almost in whisper. He is lying
on a sort Of improvised couch and |
stood beside him, and then, as had
been told that he had been shot in
the back, it occurred to me that If the
spinal column had been injured l
could quickly discover 1t. Unobserved
by any one, reached over and very
firmly pinched the flesh just above the
ankle. There was not the slightest
movement Of the muscles. Then
pinched the calf of the leg, and again
there was no response Of any sort A
third time made a similar test, and
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
COUe
That Was All Joel Parker Spent IL
His Successful Campaign to Be
Chief Executive of New
Jersey.

Joel Parker, who died in 1888, at
che age of seventy-two, gained ma
tional distinction at the time of the
Civil war because, although elected
governor of New Jersey as a Demo
crat, he was nevertheless one of the
most efficient and jealous of all the
war governors of the north. His
unique distinction, in fact, was that
he was the great Democratic war
from 1862, to 1866 and in 1876 he was
the favorite son of the New Jersey
Democrats for the presidential nom
nation.
Five years before Governor Par
ker's party became very much dis
turbed by the understanding that the
Republicans were going to nominate
for governor a very rich manufacture
er-Cornelius Walsh, by name-who,
1t was understood, had expressed a
Willingness to contribute very large
sum of money in support of his can.
didacy. In their perturbation the
Democratic leaders sought out Gov,
ernor Parker at his home in Free
hold.
WELL" replied the war governor.
after few moments of thought, 81
have just got into the full swing of
my law practise again, and for me to
drop 1t all would mean a considerable
monetary sacrifice. Still, If my party
makes a sincere call for me / will
listen to 1t, upon this one condition,
that shall not spend any money,
that my party shall not spend any
money, except for absolutely neces-
sary expenses, in the campaign, and
that you will make the campaign up
on this ISSUE"
The condition was accepted by the
Democratic leaders, Governor Parker
was duly nominated and in the ex-
citing campaign that followed there
was plenty of evidence that his OPP
ponent was spending a large amount
of money. Nevertheless, when the
votes were counted, it was found that
the Democratic war governor had
triumphed.
The day following the election
and here comes In the new news
Governor Parker, in his capacity as a
lawyer, was obliged to appear before
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
He Got His Lunch.

Saloon men who provide free lunch.
es can tell many tales of imposition
by ravenous customers, but the most
mastery achievement in the art of
working an easy victim has been re-
ported by a Columbus avenue pub
lican who last week received the fol-
lowing note from a steady patron:
81 am laid up with a lame back and
can't get down for my glass of beer
today. The bearer of this note with
fetch it to me. Along with the beer
please send the amount of lunch I
usually eat when ] come in to take a
nip. I'd get it If was there, SO why
not send it?"
Nerve don't begin to spell what
ails him." said the saloon man, but
just because he did have something
that nerve wouldn't spell he got his
free lunch"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Nav News =
OF les T ERL1A1
ny =. ~ &0ZNGX%&Z~

was all | had spent to make my cam.
paign. AS counsel for the railroad
company, am privileged to ride upon
a pass, and in that way l travelled
from meeting place to meeting place.
The hotel proprietors throughout the
state insisted upon receiving me as a
guest without pay, and | have also
been entertained at private houses.
AS for the two dollars l had left over
when I got back home, spent them
for postage stamps in order to send
letters in reply to those which had
accumulated during my absence.
$50. you see, my friends, we have
shown that it is possible for guber-
Material candidate to be victorious in
New Jersey without the use of money.
Still, because of this fact, l have inst
had an embarrassing moment. | gave
so little thought to money during the
campaign that it apparently has be-
come a habit, for when / left home
to come to Trenton / didn't think to
supply myself with money, and you
have just seen that 1 was actually
obliged to ask the barber to hang IN
the shave!"
1t was little confession that tick
led the crowd immensely, and as the
famous Democratic war governor
went on his way to the court house a
great throng followed him, cheering
him to the echo when he entered the
building :.
Copyright 1910. by e. ]. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved)
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Many Odd Things That Would Happen
If Globe Changed Its
Speed.

Conjecture has often been made as
to what would happen If the earth
were to rotate faster upon its axis
than it does. Of course if it went IL
times as fast as 1t does now, bodies at
the equator would weigh nothing-a
person would jump into the air and
fail to come down again. A man might
weigh 200 pounds at the poles and
nothing at the equator. while his
weight would vary for intermediate
points. If he approached the equator
he would get lighter, and if he receded
from it he would get heavier. A man
could carry a house on his shoulders
very near the equator, while near eth
er pole he could only carry what one
can now. On this account labor would
be very dear near the poles and very
cheap near the equator. 1t would GER
tainly be interesting to know which
section of the esgta would be most
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

the last two years. I think from your
description Of internal catarrh that
must have had that also. I suffered
very severely.
Nothing ever relieved me like Pc
runa. 1t keeps me from taking cold
with the exception Of some deaf
ness I am feeling perfectly cured. I
am forty-six years old.
IT feel that words are inadequate to
express my praise for Peruna."
CatarrF1 In Bad Form.
Mrs. Jennie Darling, r. F. D. 1,
Smyrna Mills, Maine, writes: "I was
unable to do my work for four years,
as had catarrh in a bad form.
coughed necessarily, and got so weak
and was confined to my bed.
"Perunc came to my relief and by
faithfully using 1t, am able to do my
work. Peruna is the best medicine that
j ever took"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
AN INTOLERABLE ITCHING

"Just about two years ago, some
form of humor appeared on my scalp.
The beginning was slight itching but
it grew steadily worse until, when
combed my hair, the scalp became
raw and the ends of the comb-teeth
would be wet with blood. Most of the
time there was an intolerable itching,
in a painful, burning way, very much
as a bad, raw burn, If deep, will itch
and smart when first beginning to
heal. Combing my hair was positive
torture. My hair was long and tan
gled terribly because of the blood and
scabs. This continued growing worse
and over half my hair fell out. I was
in despair, really afraid of becoming
totally bald.
Sometimes the pain was so great
that, when partially awake, 1 would
scratch the worst places so that my
finger-tips would be bloody. l could
not sleep well and, after being asleep
short time, that awful singing pain
would commence and then I would
wake up nearly wild with the torture.
A neighbor said 1t must be salt rheum.
Having used Cuticura Soap merely as
a toilet soap before, I now decided to
order a set of the Cuticura Remedies
-Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Pills.
used them according to directions
for perhaps six weeks, then left off.
as the disease seemed to be eradi-
Gated. but toward spring, eighteen
months ago, there was a slight re-
turn Of the scalp humor. COM
menced the Cuticura treatment at
once, so had very little trouble. On
my scalp used about one half a cake
of Cuticura Soap and half a box Of
Cuticura Ointment In all. The first
time took six or seven bottles of Gu
ticura Pills and the last time three
bottles-neither an expensive or te-
dious treatment. Since then I have
had no scalp trouble Of any kind.
Standing up, with my hair unbound, it
comes to my knees and had it not been
for Cuticura I should doubtless be
wholly bald.
This is a voluntary, unsolicited tes-
timonial and take pleasure in writing
it, hoping my experience may help
someone else. Miss Lillian Brown,
R. F. D. /, Liberty, Me-, Oct. 20, 1909"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Hobby Cost Nation a Hero

of New Haven county, and who pre-
sided over the New Haven mass meet
Ing which Lincoln addressed a few
days after he had delivered his Coop
er Union speech.
Il knew 'Alf' Terry as a boy here
In New Haven and as a student at
YALE said the Judge to me when I
called upon him In the summer of 1872.
and was one Of the men who helped
to get him appointed clerk of the SUI
perior court of the state back in 1854
while he was still two or three years
under thirty. You see, he had gradu-
ated from the Yale law school some
years before. but, somehow, he didn't
seem to be able to make the law GO
and so we got him the clerkshipI
That was the year the Crimean
war broke out, and 1t hadn't been go
Ing on long before those of US who
knew him well discovered that Ar
Terry was taking a sudden and in
tense interest In the progress of the
campaign being conducted against
Russia by the allies. Why, he became
SO deeply immersed In the subject
that he actually neglected his duties
as clerk Of the court a bit, and not
being content to get the latest news
OF the war at the breakfast table, like
the rest Of us. he got into the habit
OF going to a newspaper office and sit
ting there by the hour In the evenings,
awaiting such news as might come in
about the siege of Sebastopol and
other events. He became especially
excited about the war on the days
that he knew a European mail was
due-we had no cables then-and not
infrequently on mail days he remained
at the newspaper Office awaiting war
news until the paper went to press.
He carried his war enthusiasm still
further. He got together as good col
lection of maps of the war zone as he
could possibly lay his hands on. AS
news from the front drifted across
the Atlantic he traced upon his maps,
so far as he was able, the movements
of the troops.
'The Crfmean war ended, dsresay
that 'Alf' Terry had better knowl-
edge of the strategy employed by both
sides than any other man in the state,
or In several states, for that matter.
He wrote and talked necessarily about
it, yet for the diplomacy connected
with the war, or the politics that
caused it, he knew practically nothing
and cared less. And when the brief
campaign of the French against the
Austrians was on in 1859, he spent all
his spare time studying the reports
reaching this country of the battles of
Solferino and Magenta.
1.-TWO years later, President Lincoln
issued his first call for volunteers, and
'Alf' Terry, who in the meantime had
gained the rank of colonel in the state
militia through devotion to his hobby,
went to Bull Run at the head of the
Seventh Connecticut infantry, and his
was one of the few regiments that re-
tired from that field in good order and
helped to check the stampede.
1.-THE rest of his career the world
knows" concluded Judge Foster. But
l sometimes think that, IL 'Alf' Terry
had not suddenly been seized with the
idea to study the Crimean war seven
years +. fore our great war broke, he
probably would have remained un-
known to fame and would have rusted
out behind the desk of the clerk of
our superior court
Copyright, 1910, by E. ]. Edwards.)
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Stories OF GarfieLd's Death

l saw that they were absolutely with.
out sensation and that he was pow
erless to use them. l said to myself
then, and l say it to you now, that
the wound Is mortal one. The bullet
has either torn the spinal cord or has
broken the backbone, and he cannot
recover"
The post norton following Gar.
fields death justified in some measure
though not completely, the diagnosis
which Colonel Ingersoll had made to
me while the physicians were deciding
that the presidents spinal cord had
not been touched by the bullet
Some months after Guiteau had been
executed Colonel Ingersoll told me
Of another interesting incident con-
nected with Garfield's assassination.
"You will recall, of course" said the
great agnostic, that following Gui-
teau's arrest the report went all over
the country that the poor fool had ex-
claimed, triumphantly. I'm a Stall
wart! I'm Stalwart!' when he was
arrested. And you remember, of
course. that that statement led to a
suspicion that some of the members
Of the Stalwart wing of the Repub-
lican party had entered into con-
spiracy with Guiteau to remove Gar.
field. so that Arthur could succeed
him.
Nov, Guiteau never said such a
thing. / was hurrying to the railroad
station as an officer of the law was
leading Guiteau away to the police
station, and, naturally. l stopped an
instant to get a glimpse Of the assas.
sin. He was talking to the policeman,
who said nothing, and heard Guiteau
say as plainly as now 1 hear my own
voice: It's all right. It's all right
That was just what he said and moth
ing else, and it was the similarity in
the sound of the words of the two
phrases that led to the report that
Guiteau had excused and defended his
act by saying: Tn Stalwart! I'm
Stalwart!' Yet had told what
knew to be the truth concerning his
exclamation at the time the country
was excited over the false report, l be.
lieve I would have been laughed or
hooted down."
Copyright, 1910. by E. ]. Edwards)
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
WOULD BE OF MORE VALUE
<atFer O'Leary's Facetious Rejoinder
to John Philpot Curran an Ex-
ample of Real Wit.

One day the famous John Philpot
Curran, who was also very partial to
the said corned mutton, did me the
honor to meet him. To enjoy the So
ciety of such men was an Intellectual
treat. They were great friends and
seemed to have mutual respect for
each others talent, and, as it may
easily be imagined, O'Leary versus
Curran was no bad match.
One day after dinner Curran said to
him: Reverend father, l wish you
were st. Peter"
"And why, counselor, would you
wish that / were St. Peter?" asked
O'Leary.
Because, reverend father, in that
CASE" said Curran, you would have
the keys Of heaven, and you could let
me in
"By my honor and conscience, coun-
selor," replied the divine, ut would be
better for you that I had the keys Of
the other place, then could let you
out"
Curran enjoyed the joke, which he
admitted had a good deal Of justice In
it.-From Kelly's "reminiscences.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
If the Earth Turned Faster

populous-whether every one would go
north for good wages or go south for
cheap workmen. The railroad prob
lem would be momentous, unless the
railroads all ran east and west, when
a uniform rate would obtain on any
particular east-and-west line.
Journeys co ire south would be
even more popular than they are now,
for they would make everyone feel
better and in buoyant spirits; more
sprightly, too, SO that people would
walk farther without getting tired, and
could jump over any obstacle that pre-
scented itself without coming down
with too hard thump.
There is no planet known that has
such rapid rotation as is pictured
here, but there are several where man
would weigh great deal less than on
the earth. On the moon man would
weigh only SO or 80 pounds and could
Jump as many feet without suffering
serious discomfort But this state OF
affairs obtains over the whole planet
because 1t Is due to absence of gravi
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
General Terry, When Young Court
Clerk, Was an Enthusiastic
Student of War and Its
Strategy.

In the history of the Civil war Gen.
Alfred H. Terry is known as the hero
of Fort Fisher, since he was the man
who, in January of 1865, led the sue
cessful assault upon the last remain
ing important stronghold of the Con-
federacy upon the Atlantic seaboard.
Eleven years later, as brigadier gen.
eral in the regular army, he again
came prominently before the country
as the commander of the main column
which drove Sitting Bull and his fol-
lowers into Canada after the Custer
massacre on the Little Big Horn.
One of the leading New Haven,
Conn, men of other days who never
tired of talking of General Terry was
the late Judge E. K. Foster, who was
for many years prosecuting attorney
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
AIIeviatinq Circumstances.

did you say" asked gentleman
who was looking for rooms, did you
say that music teacher occupied the
next apartment? That cannot be very
pleasant" Harper's Bazaar gives the
landlady's reply.
oh she said, eagerly, that's
nothing, sir. The music teacher has
IL children and they make so much
noise that you can't hear the piano at
all "
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

ED GEERS, "The grand old man." he
horses in races. He says: Il have N used
.SPOHN'S DISTEMPER CURE for II
years, always with best success. 1t is the
only remedy I know to cure all forms of
,distemper and prevent horses in same sta
BILE having the disease" Soc and 81 bot
tie. All druggists, or manufacturers. Spohn
Medical Co., Chemists, Goshen, Ind.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
An Effort to ObIIqe.

''Mr. Lowbrow does his best to be
agreeable" said the sympathetic
young woman. tits too bad that he
has so little tact"
IT understand that Miss Coddleyap
refuses to speak to him. He sent her
a box of candy and she fed 1t all to
her pet terrier. So he tried to be still
more kind and thoughtful and sent
her a box of dog biscuit"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
COLDS
BREED
ARRH
Her Terrible Experience Shows
How Peruna Should Be in Every
Home to Prevent Colds.

Mrs. G. S.
Sage r s 9 r,
1911 Wood
land Ave-,
K q n 3 q 8
City Mo-;
writes:
II feel It
q duty to
you and to
others that
may be af-
Hicted like
myself, to
speak T o r
Peruna-
my trou-
BILE a r q t
came after
Ia or ippe
. / g h t or
nine years
ago, q gath
ering in my
head a n d
neuralgia. I
eu II q r e d
most all the
{ / m e. MY
nose, ears
and Q y Q g
were badly
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

What Murine Eye Remedy Does to
the Eyes Is to Refresh, Cleanse,
Strengthen and Stimulate Healthful
Circulation, Promoting Normal Condi-
lions. Try Murine in your Eyes.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
important to Mothers
Bears the
Signature Of La
A Terrified Hero.

did you have any narrow escapes
in the surf last summer"
YES" replied the life-saver. Zone
lady whom / rescued was SO grateful
that she nearly married me-"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

The Preface to Trade.
II had a curious experience yester.
day" said Farmer Corntossel.
What was it?"
. "a stranger came along and told
me a funny story and didn't try to
sell me anything"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

Sore throat leads to Tonsilitis, Quinsy
and Diphtheria. Hamlins Wizard Oil
used as a gargle upon the first symptoms
of a sore throat will invariably prevent
all three of these dread diseases.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

Mrs. WinsIowss Soothing Syrup.
For children teething softens the gums reduces in
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets regulate
and invigorate stomach, liver and bowels
Sugar-coated, tiny granules. Easy to take
as candy.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

tative force and not to centrifugal. as
would be the case on the rapidly rotat.
ing earth.-Harper's Weekly.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

Forgive the man who smites you on
one cheek and he will generally swat
you on the other.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

A conventional man Is one whose
action you can predict ahead of time.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

One kind of curiosity is a woman
who can talk but doesn't.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24

There are lots of people who are
but hungry boy isn't one of them.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-11-24
Cheap.

Cheap.
Howell-Every man has his price,
Powell-Well, l wouldn't have to
borrow money to pay yours.