The Holbrook news., 1910-02-25

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 T want one of the new spotted face veils, please" Yes, madam. Specked. spattered, or splotched ?"-Cleveland Plain Dealer
 Wife (reminiscing)- very nearly didn't marry you, John. John
 (absent-mindedly)-I know-but who told you?-The Sketch.
 If m'wifes awake, I'll shay: 'M'dear. brought y some c'sath'mums -chrysthmus- -chrasythums'- it. Wish I'd got roses" Life.
 Borrowell-I have no use for that fellow Bjones. Wigwag-Yes, Bjones is one of those fellows who object to being used.-Philadelphi Record.
 What do they mean by an 'endur- ance test'?' Two chaps bragging about their respective makes of auto. mobiles" ."-Spril. gfield Republican.
 Well, Tommy, what part of the chicken will you have?" Why, paw. you know I always take the back when there's company. Louis Repub- lie
 I've just figured out how the Venus de Milo came to lose her arms" How" She broke them off trying to button her shirtwaist up the back The Jewish Ledger.
 The audience is calling you,'' the playwright was informed. II hear them" he answered. Show me the quickest way to get out of here. - Birmingham Age-Herald.
 "New-mown hay is delightful per fume; we sell lots of it." Haven't you something with a gasoline odor? I want people to think own motor car, not horse" Life.
 Mrs. Newbride = Boohool Henry threw biscuit at me. One that made myself, too! Mother-The mon. ster! He might have killed you!- The United Presbyterian.
 Hoax-Out in Arizona he is known as a bad man. Joax-Is that so? Did he ever kill any one? Hoax-Oh. yes Joax-What make of car does hs drive?-Philadelphi Record.
 Visitor-Can you read the past1 Fortune Teller-Certainly That's my business. Vfsitor-Then I wish you'd tell me what it was my wife told me to get for heri-Boston Globe.
 Do you want employment" asked the sympathetic woman. T dunno wot dat is, ma'asn," replied the husky hobo. but ef it's ennything ter eat. youse may gimme 8 few."-Chicago Daily News.
 Judge-I'll have to fine ye fifty dol lars for exceeding the speed limit Jack Scorcher-Look here, judge, this young lady and I want to get married Remit the fine and you get the job.- Brooklyn Life.
 Whale-What are you going to tell your wife when you get homer Jonah don't kpow;sI don't suppose she would believe me if I should tell her that I had been to a fish dinner.- The Bohemian.
 You don't know what that's pie ture of, Johnny?" said Mrs. Lapsling, in a tone of reproof. You ought to read your ancient history more. That Is the temple of Dinah at Emphasis" Chicago Tribune.
 Cynicus-It Is impossible for wom- an to keep a secret. Henpeckke-I' don't know about that; my wife and " ere engaged for several weeks before she said anything to me about it. Record.
 Are you in favor of votes for wom- sn?" Yes. Perhaps If we can get them to think more about votes they will think less about clothes. I have tour daughters who are growing up.' Chicago Record-H Herald.
 Speaking of joy rides, did you ever lave a real one?' "No." Never go put in a buggy along a shady lane, with a plug of a horse and the only ,irl in the world? Say, you don't lnow what life it"-Public Ledger.
 A traveller stopped at a hotel in Greenland, where the nights are six months long, and, as he registered, lsked a question of the clerk. What ime do you have breakfastY'" From lalf-past March to a quarter to May"
 Reporter-Mr Cummin. have you he manuscript of the after-dinner beech you delivered at that banquet ast night? Ketchum A. Cummin with a gasp)-Did I deliver a speech here, young man? Whose?-Chicago Tribune.
 The starvation experiences of those lnglish suffragettes were trying" Yes," answered Miss Cayenne; tits retty hard to be obliged to stop crit ,izing the public policies of great overnment in order to find fault with $ cooking. g."-Washington Star.
 Husband-You must marry again, earest, when I am gone. and that will e very soon. Wife-No. Edward, no ne will marry an old woman like me. 'ou ought to have died ten years ago