Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1910-07-01
FOR JULY
Copyright 1910 By c. H. RIETH0

When the Ballinger trial is ended,
And the jury has said what it thinks;
When the case has been made and
defended
With the wonted political winks-
We shall smile and gads, we shall
need to
That feel it as we'll had been dropp-
ed,
And the Guggenheim crowd will pro-
ceed to
Resume where it was when it stopped.
The signs shall come down in the tim
Der,
And the patents shall tieup the coal.
The law will get dabby and timber,
And the trusts will do well on the
whole.
It always turns out in that manner,
Altho we may blush to confess it,
And we do not regard it a banner
Achievement, exactly, to guess it.
July is a tribute to Caeser. One day,
with some other insurgents, he talked
by the Pillar of Pompey on things of
political urgence. He was just on the
point of explaining the key to some
government riddle when a party of
regulars jumped him and cut him in
two in the middle.
There were Decius Brutus, the
speaker, and Cassius, boss of the SEN
ate, together with others insistent
upon some political tenet. "The party
lforever!" they shouted, and what with
that terrible slasher Servilius Casca
great Caeser as well had been run
thru hasher.
At any rate, Antony found his cut
up into fodder for fishes, and begged
this request of the Romans, who
granted the least of his wishes. And
thus it has happened and shall be so
long as the Tiber runs by the Pillar OF
Pompey that Caeser shall live in the
name of July.
The Fourth shall return to discover
Us waiting in battle array,
And what with one thing and another
Regretting we won, anyway.
The cannon shall boom, and the
scramble
For things on the medicine shelves
Shall warn inexperienced countries
Aspiring to freedom themselves.
The dynamite cap and the rocket
shall remind us of tyranny thwarted,
and the valiant forefather shall turn
in his coffin to see what he started.
The eagle shall mount on his pinions
and circle the North and the South,
and the rapid fire orator stand on the
platform and shoot off his mouth.
This latter, however, is harmless in
a strict pathological way, but remains
notwithstanding an evil we must in
due season allay. Alas, how deficient
is nature that might lay this pest on
the shelf with ruling that shooting his
mouth off he gave the lockjaw to
himself!
This tetanus, we are quite certain,
has good and defensible uses, and all
of its manifestations thus far have
been only abuses. The idea, as we
regard it, is not that it should be the
cause of any more serious matter than
locking the orators jaws.
You know that we never hear of it
except on the Fourth of July, and
whenever some innocent gets it we
forever are wondering why. Well,
this is the fact of the matter, and by
Jove, we are willing to bet it turns
out in the long run that no one but
lot of old wind tanners get it.
However, be that as it may be,
And get whom the tetanus will,
The jubilant youth of the nation
Will resume with its shooting to kill.
The safe and the sane celebration
will suit us who are not SO skittish,
But the youngsters have got to do
something
To show what we did to the British.
There never was anything safe in
the way the forefathers attacked
them, and as for the sansr attain
ments, the old fellows seem to have
lacked them. They simply cast fear
to the bowwows and waded into the
ARRAY, and boy does not think him.
self worthy if he can't shoot himself,
anyway.
At any rate, Jeffries and Johnson
will: growl like couple of poodles
and observe independence with beat
ing the hair of their mutual noodles.
They'll alternate making the other
leviathan howl for his mother, and if