The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-07-31
LIVE TALKS WITH DEAD ONES
The Demon Rum Recounts His String of Victories
BY IRWIN $. COBB

EfnJT as for me" said the Demon
IN Rum, I'm certainly. no dead
~ one. I'm the livliest thing you
ever saw. I'm tie undefeated cham
pion of all the ages Nc matter which of
my ring names l might have been fight
ing under-J B. Corn. or Battling Gam
brinus, or John j. Booze, or Kid Bac-
chus, or Old Red Rye, or The Worm
That Never Dies-I have never lost
finish fight yet and the worst l ever
got was a draw. Generally | score a
knockout and sometimes, but not often,
I've been given the decision on points.
So why include me In your little gallery?'
For that very reason" l fastened to
explain, mot because you are Dead
One but because you've made so many
OF them In your time"
u see" said The Demon Rum, COM
pletely Modified. Il see now what you
are driving at And you're quite right.
/ may say in all modesty that 1 have
an unbeatable punch. When l look back
on my unhroken string of notable VIC
tories, l feel rather proud of myself,
believe me, do started In with Asam,
the father of the race-he fell for Apple
Jacl1-and I've just added on my latest
In the person of Jim Jeffries, who fell
for Black Jack Rather neat joke, that.
don't you think?
"A little while after Adam, along came
Noah l guess you never heard the true
facts in regard to the case of Noah did
you? Well, the true facts are that Noah
wanted to go fishing one day during the
flood and when, after he got his pole
rugged up and looked for bait, he was
up against 1t, there being only two worms
in the Ark, the same as two of everything
else So, In his disappointment he turned
10 me for consolation, and the conse-
fquence is that Father Noah has been
walking through history ever since car
rying the burden of that one hangover
on his good name.
Alexander the Great, who cried Tor
more worlds to conquer one evening
after a seance with me and cried again
the next morning because bromo seller
hadn't been invented yet-and Nero, and
Edgar Allen Poe, and John l.. Sullivan
and Old Omar, who was one of the best
little advance agents I ever had, but
who made the mistake that SO many good
boosters make of using up their own
sample lines, and so many others that
lost count long ago.
There has been a disposition In some
quarters to include U. S. Grant on my
list This is a mistake. l don't know
what II was that General Grant drank
on the night after the first days fighting
ut Shiloh, but whatever 1t was, 1t in
spired him to go out the next day and
win the battle at the head of his army
of 10000 heroic drummer boys"
Drummer boys?" 1 echoed somewhat
blankly.
Sure" said The Demon. I've read
stories In the papers about the Drummer
Boy of Shiloh at least 10000 different
times. AS l figure it, there were only
two or three private soldiers on the Con
federate side, all the rest being majors
and colonies and generals, and none at
all on the Union side. They were all
drummer boys, and most of them had run
away from home to enlist and none of
them was over IA years of age at the
time. 1 gather these facts from the
papers So, under the circumstances,
regard the achievement of General Grant
as one of the greatest OF the war.
1.-THE defeat of Mr.. Jeffries was my lat
est notable feat Some people may try
to tell you that he was licked because he
was a poor. decrepid. venerable old gentle
man Of So opposed to lusty young giant
OF only 30 or Whereabouts. But anybody
who has been running a wet goods en-
porium for six or eight consecutive years
and acquiring a figure like coil of fire
hose will always find it difficult to come
back. Very few athletes ever got into