The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1910-07-07
Wonders of the Census.

mountain. where people live to be quite
old.
Finding an aged man sitting on the
front porch and weeping bitterly, the
enumerator inquired the trouble, where
upon the man, between sobs, calculated
MY dad licked me"
"How old are your asked Conklin.
''Eighty-nine," was the reply.
Where is your father?"
"He is behind the house, splitting
wood"
Conklin found the old man engaged at
the wood pile and among other questions
asked him why he had whipped his son.
"Why the little cuss was throwing
stones at his granddad," the woodchop-
per answered. Conklin then inquired.
"Where is the grandfather"
tack on the wood pile: "Oh, he got hit
on the head and has gone in to have his
mother put on some sticking plaster
Millerton IN. W Dispatch in Middle
town Register.
The Chief Crime.
The minister's class at the Kirk of To
bermory had been reading the story of
Joseph and his brethren, and the min
lister was asking the boys a few ques-
tons in review. Their replies had all
been quick, concise and correct, such as:
"What great crime did these sons of
Jacob commit?
''They sold their brother Joseph"
"Quite correct And for how much did
they sell him?"
Twenty pieces of silver"
"And what added to the cruelty and
wickedness of these brothers ?" A pause.
"What made their treachery even more
detestable and heinous"
Then bright little Highlander
stretched out an eager hand.
''Well, my MANI"
please, sir, they self him over cheap"
The Housekeeper.
49,
Mark of Distinction.
One of our candidates was out in the
country a few days ago, when he came
to house where a little boy was play
ing, and the candidate inquired of the
little boy where his father was. The lit
tie fellow said:
He's down in the pasture thar with
the hogs You'll know pop, for he's got
a hat on."-Atlanta Georgian.
-
Crafty Advice.
"Would it be any harm to deceive her
about my age? inquired the elderly mil
lionaire.
Probably not"
''I'm sixty How would it do to con-
fess to fifty?'
Il think your chances would be better
with her if you claimed seventy-fye. y
Washington Herald.
49,
Delays of Anticipation
''Are you still taking a cold plunge
every mOrnlngE
dnin hot 10
"Why, a cold plunge doesn't take but
a minute or two"
II know. but [ used to spend three
quarters of an hour curled up in bed,
hesitating. Birmingham Age-Herald
--.>
A Case of Mistaken Identity.
When Jacob Schnitzler, of a city in
Ohio, read in the evening paper that he
was dead, and his body was lying at
the morgue, he went at once to the place,
9nd sure enough found himself laid out
ON a slab as dead as anyone could be who
was not living.
The face of the corps was so much
Ike his own, that Jacob had to rub his
eyes, thinking something must be wrong
with his vision; but no. the mans cloth
ing was like his own. Jacob could not
zee the eyes, so he said:
''Vat ish de color of his eyes?"
When they raised up the eyelids he
saw they were black He exclaimed,
with sigh of relief:
dot ish better, l know dot ish not
mine body. Dose eyes are black, and
mine are blue. Mine himmel; vot
narrow escape l have had! Vot a CLOSE
call dot vas'-From Norman e. Mack's
National Monthly.
80
Sweet William.
'And where have you been, my pet"
Thus little Willie's mother to little Will
lie. ON his return home after an I'M
wonted absence of several hours.
"Playin' postman," replied the family
hope.
'Playing postman?' repeated Willie's
mother. And how does one play post
man, sweet"
''Why, l just left a letter at each house
in the road" explained the prodigy
real letters, too"
"Real letters, darling?' inquired
mamma, smiling. but where ever did
YOU get the real letters from?" ;,
''Out of your wardrobe drawer" re-
sponded Willie-"those old ones tied up
with pink ribbons. Answers.
Her Markswomanship.
The militia boys were going away to
camp on the morrow, and as Lieut.. Wei
lington. Grant Smith parted with his
sweetheart on the piazza, she said, II
shall stand here tomorrow as you march
pass, and throw kiss at you
But her soldier lover said, mo, don't
do thatp
s'Why not?' she asked.
Because" laughed he 'ten to one
you'd hit the captain. Judge.
Fortunate.
Myer-According to reports there are
no cats in the Arctic regions.
Gyer-That's fortunate thing for the
native, isn't it?
Myer-How so?
Gyer-Well, just imagine cats in
country where the nights are six months
long.-Chicago Daily News.
49,
Reproach.
eff YOU had had the tiniest bit of love
for me YOU would never have married
me!-Witzige Blaetter.
49,
A Query.
''What is it. SOM"
SIS an osteopath an end man in
9Gracious, no, child! What put such
an idea into your head !'
"Well. they told us at school he was
specialist in bones Pittsburg Post.
-s.-
The Dentists Joke.
At a recent dinner of the Authors
club in London to Owen Seaman, the
editor of Punch, Walter Emanuel, an
other member of the staff of Punch, re-