The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1910-06-26

OF magic shadOW-shapes that c1sne and 60
Where have been-the conscious spir-
Il I-since 1 looked at you last night?
No man can tell. Somewhere among the
mysteries, brushing the past with one
wing and the future with the other The
strangest things sometimes occur; those
pictured to-morrows are realized and
then I remember my dreams.
am quite alone tonight. No company
looks in my glass with me. And what
Is Jack doing? I hope he does not miss
me as I do him or he will be coming
back before I get acquainted with my
self His going away has given me a
new view point. II viii continue 10 give
him new view points for a while
Something. perhaps the spring weather.
makes me think of our first happy days.
and / do not wish TO think. I will not
think of love, for it never satisfied me.
have drunk from many chalice and
always with eyes looking over the rim.
But I could never have broken the cup
from which l quaffed the elixir-only a
man could do that.
When I behaved so badly last night. or
last Ne6h-lDi = uV llEL LUuuL AtAllt hllF
more-and tainted when l read that tele-
gram. 1 discovered that I had lost my
self in another SO much OF me has
gone away with Jack that only faint
image remains here.
1 say l am alone, but behind the mir
ror within the chimney there is nest
full of swallows. Can you not hear
them? Peep. peep" they say. Just as
begin to feel oppressed by the stiffness.
Their little restless chirplngs give me
a sweet sense of life not far off, and
smile at their sleepy complainings and
at their bright awakening notes when the
rush of wings of the mother bird heralds
for them the break Of day. Happy birdsi
They have a sheltered nest and-but there
am going back in the old circle OF
thought Everything. however remote
it may seem from my life. ends with one
thought-Jack.
1 am Ill. I know. but they tell me
am only IN need OF a change. That can
not be- Where could I go and leave
my mind behind? Even in sleep it is
half conscious now. am not sure that
death could sever me from this painful
guest-or-
I look at the small, pale face before
me in the mirror tonight and wonder if
this c~n be the same that was once an
apple-faced child, all appetite and &C
tivity; the same that later took on the
look of one who dreams and then be-
came radiant with the thoughts that
shaped themselves within and the look
of tender eyes that startled me as I
dreamed. / have become in ten years
several different creatures. and from all
these there is evolved this pale woman
with dark rings under her eyes and a
sort of expectancy about her whole air.
My red gown heightens my pallor in
this half light but its rich. warm color
gives me sort Of enjoyment. That is
what clothes can do for one sensitive
to subtle influences. If I had on my
blue gown--the pale one-I should end
in weeping
Why sit here alone. you say7 Because
have not yet readjusted my life II
must be done by me. First, ! will think
bit, look before and after. then get
grip on my feelings and dream OF
what l want to do, and then set to
work to do II. Meanwhile. l lie fall
low. My moods and whims are trans
lated by this mirror I shall lie here
an hour each night and examine my
conscience. my feelings. emotions. DOssi'
bilities. Smile, if you wish. II is my
way.
I put my hair up very high tonight
and place one crimson rose among its
coils. 1t suggests coquetry, romance
ideality. I wear no rings, no bracelets,
no gems. This crimson gown, open al
the throat, and sleeves touched with
gold at top of the picture-the hair;
with violet and gray OF the eyes, with
cream white of the face. with crimson
of the lips to match the rose. satisfies
my aesthetic longing. I am not active
am a dream-like child again I have
very little thought. very little memory
very little care. The little black things
within the chimney are more alive than
l. They are not more at the mercy OF
destiny or OF the viii that grasps and
controls our lives-call it what you will
It is sweet to lie here to-day wholly
at ease after years OF restleSsnese Yes.