Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-05-19
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their wives. Chicago Record-Herald.
Papa, what is faith?" "Well, my
boy, they say your baby brother sleeps,
but I've never seen him do it. Yet, if
/ believe he does, that's faith. Life.
She Gas they dance)-Im afraid I'm
tiring you rather. He-Oh, not at all.
l used to be attendant in the elephant
house at the -Meggendorfer Blat-
ter.
Knicker-Jones is all the time want
ing more money. Bocker-No won
der; his father was a college president
and his mother was a woman.-New
York Sun.
do you really believe this aviator
will come back to the starting point?"
HE won't dare do otherwise His
wife is waiting for him there. File
gende Blaetter.
Vicar-And what induced you to
send for me, Mr.. Russell? Russell
What's e say, Betty? Betty-'E says:
What the deuce did you send i'm
for IN. A. +.
why don't you teach your son les
son by making him live without his
allowance for a while?" Goodness!
can't even make him live within it,"
Cleveland Leader.
Lady-My cooking always tastes so
good to you, and it never suits my hus-
band at ALL Beggar-Well, why don't
you get a divorce and marry me?-
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
81 am a plain-spoken man." said the
applicant for a job. I'm afraid you
won't do" replied the railroad official.
I'VE are advertising for an experienced
train announcer philadelphia Rec
ord.
Father" said little Rollo, what is
an epigram?" "An epigram, my son,
as modernly propounded, is any SEN
tence containing less than two con-
functions and three commas. Wash
ington Star.
Does she seem to take kindly to So
ciety ways, now that her husband has
made such a pile?" "Oh, yes, indeed.
She was the loudest talker at grand
opera the other night. t."-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
"John," Queried her husbands wife,
''if some bold, bad man were to kid
nap me would you offer reward?"
Sure thing" replied the wife's hus-
band. Il always reward those who do
me a favor" Boston Courier.
Inquisitive Lady-And what is this
little box for? Nerve-Racked Clerk
oh, for odds and ends! Inquisitive La
dy-But it has two compartments. Why
is that? Nerve-Racked Clerk-One for
odds, madam, and the other for ends.
Harvard Lampoon.
Would it be any harm to deceive
her about my age?" inquired the elder
ly millionaire. Probably not" I'm
sixty. How would it do to confess to
ffty?" Il think your chances would
be better with her if youclaimed sew
enty-five. kansas City Journal.
How nicely you have ironed these
janet" said the mistress, ad |
to her maid. Then, glancing
at the glossy linen, she continued in a
tone of surprise: "Oh, but l see they |
are all your own!" Yes" replied |
Jane, and I'd do all yours just like
hat If had time. Central Christian
Advocate. =
My brother, my poor brother!" she
noaned, as a halfback was carried un-
from the field. "Ah but how
thankful we should be-" her escort, an
I'D player, cried gayly. Thankful!
Thankful for what?" exclaimed the
,irl. Thankful that it wasn't full
Jack" said he I'VE haven't decent
ullback sub, you know. Minneapolis
Journal,
Friend-So yours was a case of love
It first sight? Mrs. Getthere-Yes, in
Iced. l fell desperately in love with
nv dear husband the moment l set
yes upon him. 1 remember it as dis
inctly as if it were yesterday. / was
Walking with papa on the beach at
,ong Branch, when suddenly papa
topped, and, point'sg him out, said
There, my dear, is a man worth ten
York Weekly.
Jane" said a lady rather sharply
o her cook, 81 must insist that you
eep better hours and that you have
sss company in the kitchen at night
.ast night you kept me from sleeping
ecause of the uproarious laughter of
ne of your woman friends" "Yis.
lum. l know" was the apologetic re-
ly; "but she couldn't help it. l was
-tellin of her how you tried to make
AXE one day."-Ladies' Home Jour !