Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-04-22
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and Pearyodicals.
Little girl in the country after a
long gaze at some cows: Mister, are
them meat COWS are milk cows?"
Griggs-So Tom is married, eh?
Briggs-Yes, for the present. He's
married to an actress-Boston Tran
script.
Did the-ah-prisonah offer any
ah-reslstance? Only shilling,
your wushup, and l wouldn't take it."
M. A. P.
Salesman-Shirt, sir. Will you have
a negligee or stiff bosom? Customer
-Negligee, l guess. The doctor said
l must avoid starchy things.
George-Do you think that I'm good
enough for you, darling? Darling
No, George; but you're too good for
any other girl.-Illustrated Bits.
She-History repeats itself, you
know. He-Not always. You never
heard Of a man eloping more than
once, did you?-Yonkers Statesman.
Have you broken yourself of the
habit of sleeping in church," yes
entirely" Congratulations! How
did you do it?" Quit going to church."
Cleveland Leader.
How much does it cost to get mar
ried?' asked the eager youth. That
depends entirely on how long you
live" replied the sad-looking man.
Philadelphia Record.
THE railroads are discharging all
men with gray hair" Most of the
married men will be safe" How
so?' THE majority of them are
bald. Houston Post.
Am l really and truly your first
and only love?" queried the dear girl.
NO." answered the truthful drug
clerk, "but you are something just as
good."-Chicago Daily News.
why it is that novels are so much
more popular with the women than
with the men?" I'm a novel the fell
low invariably asks the girl TO be his
wife."-Chicago RecordHerald.
Club Waiter (fishing)-I dreamed
last night, sir, that you gave me
five-dollar bill. Stingy Member-In-
deed, James! That's little high for
tip; but-er-you may keep it.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Talk about your realism. this show
looks awful natural to me-" How
now?" six months have elapsed
since the play started and the house
maid hasn't done any housework yet"
Courier-Journal.
Suburbs-It is simply great to wake
up in the morning and hear the leaves
whispering outside of your window.
Cityman-It is all right to hear the
leaves whisper, but never could
stand hearing the grass mown.
Now, Willie," said the teacher, IF
eggs were 60 cents dozen and your
mother had 20 cents, how many eggs
would you have for breakfast?" mo
eggs," answered Willie. WED have
mush."-Washington Cd. c. Herald.
Tommy-What did you think of the
play Julius Caesar" last night? Billy
Oh, 1t was a fake. why so?" cause
when they killed julius Caesar and
the curtain went down, he comes out
and bows to the audience. He wasn't
dead at ALL"
II must warn you, dearest" he said,
that after we are married, you will
very likely find me inclined to be ar
bitrary and dictatorial in my man
ner." mo matter" she replied cheer
fully. II won't pay the slightest at
tention to what you say"
Mistress (hurrying frantically)-
Mary. what time is 1t now? Maid
Half past two, mum. Mistress-Oh, l
thought 1t was later-I still have twen-
ty minutes to catch the steamer. Maid
Yes, mum. l knew ye'd be rushed,
so | set the clock back thirty minutes
to give ye more time.-Puck.
you simply cannot trust anybody"
declares the lady. my maid, whom I
hob ehO usmOob SohhuChOC lClI luo
suddenly and took with her my beau.
tiful pearl brooch" THAT is too bad"
sympathizes the friend. which ono
was it?" THAT very pretty one I
through last spring.
"Pshaw!" exclaimed Miss Yerner,
I'm sure we will miss
the opening number We've waited a
good many minutes for that mother
Of NINE" Hours, l should ray" Mr..
Sloman retorted rather crossl". ours?
Oh, George!" she cried, and laid her
cheek upon his shit 'front.'
Standard.
Little boy" asks the wsll-meaning
reformer, rs that your mamma over
yonder with the beautiful set OF furs?"
Yes, sir" answers thi bright lad.
WELL do Won know <fhat moor ami.