davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
When Your Friends
Advise You

(BY KENNETH HARRIS.)
TLOVE my friends. and so I have
to take
1 have to take 1t, first: because it's
And secondly for sacred friendships
sake.
There are some ties would not wish
to break,
And if mistaken friends mean well.
And it's discourteous to disagree
With those who would alleviate an
ache.
Therefore. listen with grateful air
unfold,
Relations OF experience bear
Serenely till the last of them is told
Though would like to cut right loose
and swear.
It's awful when a fellow has cold,
I've taken herb infusions. four or five
All boiling hot. and gallons I've per-
spired.
I've eaten, onions as some friends
And assafoetida is something I've
Absorbed in pills, whose taste ! can
revive
Fen now when one might think
1t time-expired.
I've rubbed myself with goose grease
till I'm tired,
And steamed till it's a wonder I'm
alive.
Then mustard plasters-mustard nearly
pure
None Of your mild. non-irritating
blends
I've used in hope that might affect
q cure,
But 1 don't notice that the trouble
mends.
A cold is most unpleasant TO endure,
But heaven save US from prescribing
friends!
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
The Maestro
BY JOHN A MoRoso.

BIZ JOHN L. mOHOSO.
His wand dips down
The night has gone, crept to the Vel
vet Room
OF dreadful silence. but eternal
peace,
WheTs stored are all the Slcries that
were Greece,
And ali that persisted and were once
abloom.
The morning star grows pale and
wisps away
The lark winds heavenward; the
robin calls;
The sparrows chirp; the morning
madrigals
From bough and sky announce the
nascent DAY.
And IN each call of bird: the piccolo
Roulade of rills in pebhly mountain
streams;
Dead children's laughter saddening
day dreams;
Sounds deep the symphony OF life. and
low.
The evening comes: the toning of a
a mellow note sends on its solemn
way,
And through the mountains aeon
Sabbath day
The sea is singing in q broken shell.
The baying dog. the restless cattle
cease
Their sounds and in the fragrant
summer airs
Lifts tremolo the music OF His
In lasting measure OF the splendid
peace.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

nomically than one. If the wife does
the cooking and the washing and the
sewing and makes her own hats.
This will induce some earnest
thinking on the part of the lady, and
the chances are that she will tell you
that, while she will always love you
as a sister, she fears she has been
mistaken in the character of her feel
ings, ETC., etc.
Of course, the most humane way Of
getting out OF a bothersome love af-
fair is to provide a substitute, and
many q man saves his own skin at
the expense of his friends. If you
know a man who Is more attractive
and better looking than yourself, take
him around and introduce him to the
young lady in question. Make oppor-
tunitfes for them to be together, and
push him forward while you gently
and imperceptibly retire.
Sometimes a man is able in this
way to just fade away without its
being perceived that he is going, until
he is gone.
When All Others Fail-Try This.
And, of course, when all other
means fail Of getting rid of the girl
you have ceased to love, there Is
flight A man can always take to his
heels and run away from her It is
undignihed, but effective and safe, for
it is better to be called a coward for
i've minutes than an unwilling hus-
band for the balance of your life
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
Things Artificial
BY wINIFRED BLACK

BY WINIFRED BLACK
They're going to use artificial flow
erS for Decoration day down in Penn
sylvania, SO they say.
Bless the Dutch. There will be
somebody good money saving already
yet by this so delightful plan-not?
Artificial flowers! Dear me, they
are bad enough on the hats; when it
comes to putting them on a newly
made grave I'm afraid don't see what
sentiment there is left
Artificial flowers! Why not plant
pumpkin vine on your old sweet
hearts grave and be done with it?
Pumpkins are very pretty-when
they're httle-and just think of the
money you save.
When 1t comes to that, why do we
bury our friends at all in a regular
cemetery What's the use of a head
stone? There's no money in an in
scription. Why don't we just dig a
hole somewhere in the back yard and
be done with it?
Artificial flowers for graves, I'd
like to see the woman that will con-
set to any such an idea. We've come
to the artificial kiss plan. I'd just
as soon be pecked by a canary as to
be kissed by the woman who does the
thing in the latest affectation.
We have to put up with imitation
honey and make-believe butter and
almost-as- good cream.
In the name of ali that makes life
worth living, let's keep the flowers
natural.
Or not use them at all.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

An Annual Attack
BY KENNErr HARRIS.

BY KENNETH HARRIS.
Tho street cars pound along the track,
And shrieking sirens smits the ear;
Within, the busy typists clack;
1t drives one crazy mighty near.
A lay-off, though, would cost me dear;
I've got to hang to my posish-
For months I'll not get off, 1 fear,
But thunder! How / want TO fish.
! have ar annual attack,
When first the robins note hear,
My energies grow faint and slack,
/ find I'm falling TO the rear.
do not get the wonted cheer
From my black pipe Of cavendish-
To some it may seem rather queer,
But thunoeri How I want TO 1lSn.
I'd dearly love to straightway pack
And ship ahead q case OF beer
To help out with the frugal snack
I carry with my angling gear;
Then where the eddieS swirl and Feer.
You'd hear a sudden splash and
swish.
Foolish, perhaps, I may appear,
But thunder! How I want TO fish
L'ENVOI
Above the roofs, the skies are clear.
I watch the clouds and wish and
wish.
may not manage it this year,
But thunder! How I want TO fish.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
BY HANK

yes. but he doesn't know it, re-
piled Percy, therefore that makes
him just plain easy mark. AS for
that, my own. every press agent is a
hero. I'm a hero. We're all heroes"
HUH" said the Show Girl. sarcas-
tically, where do you class as a hero,
I'd like to know?"
why, takfn' g. chance with these
butter cakes lets me in" said Percy.
1T takes brave man to tackle them. -
Just the same, High Brow is a
pretty good guy" insisted the Show
Girl
"Goodi" exclaimed Percy. Hes the
best thing that ever happened, that is
for the prfma donna But, cheei
What a risk he runsi'
What" asked the Show Girl
What If somebody should steal his
grip with the clippings in it?" an
swered her companion. Poor High
Brow No more kisses. He'd die
ooh, you're sore," said the Show
Girl
No, but an amateur press agent
always gets my goat" replied Percy.
Some day I'm going to soak this guy
with cream puff and send him home
disguised as a paste pot But I'll stop
knocking him. He's got his own trou-
bles, the prima donna knows that"
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
Manicure Lady About Knockers

LTOE BLOW was in here today"
said the Manicure Lady. He
- got two of his nails broke TAX
ing in silver dollars in a poolroom-
II seems q lot of them southern
plungers came up to pull off killing,
whatever that means. The skate fin
ishes fifth in a six-horse race, Joe tells
me, on account of the other horse
stopping to Craze on some of springs
first grass"
Il don't like that guy" said the Head
Barber. Il never talk shop when 1 get
out of here, and every time he comes
in he's pulling the racetrack stuff. L
think it's fellows like him that made
He's an all right fellow" snapped
the Manicure Lady He's honest
bookmaker, doing the best he can, and
if he wants to talk to a good girl once
in a while, why not let him? He don't
bother you none. I have never saw
him even look in your direction"
Hes one of those guys that shaves
himself and gives the tip to his small
change pocket" said the Head Barber.
Il don't want any part of him or his
kind.
AFunny About Them Guys.-
TITS funny about them guys that
make thousand-dollar bets They can
say thousand" just like that, and
they eat on them stools where every
thing comes to about forty pfennigs.
with me- Onekicks in this morning with
two-dollar note after 1 had did his
nails, and it seems to me that more
that that no gent can do You make
me tired, with all your hammer throw
ing To hear you tell it, nobody Is q
regular fellow. That's New York
Brother Wilfred had case of it
the other night. He had just finished
a play called 'Pansy's Predicament.'
about little girl that borrowed some
money from a loan shark and he has
A date with Dave Belasco to read the
play.
"A1ong comes one of them hams that
hangs out around Forty-second street,
and happens to see Belasco's secre-
tary. Maybe he doesn't put the bee
= wilfred's play! Oh, no! And when
poor brother comes along with the
manuscript, he never gets by at ALL
think that 1t was only In the small
towns that people talked about their
neighbors, but / have come to the con-
clusion that this big burg here has
them all beaten mile
"When was q little kid back In
Colfax, Wis, the dear old ladies used
to come in and see mother, and after
they rocked a little and drank little
tea they would say, Don't breathe a
word. but Mister Marshall plays bill
lizards, and Mister Gray plays poker
but here in New York they come up
to the house and say, Mister Jones
is rotten billiard player and Mister
Dickson thinks that he can play poker,
but he's an awful cheese at the game
ITS all knocking. of course. but the
New York brand is different from the
old home kind. There they used to
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

1T SEE doctor going into the Pri-
i ma Donna's dressing room to-
night" said the Show Girl to Percy as
Joe, the waiter, hustled away with
their order. '1 wonder what was the
matter with herr"
Doctor" echoed Percy. that's
news to me. How do you know ii
was a doctor?"
''Well, he was a tall, lean, mussed-
up sort of guy" answered the Show
Girl. land I knew he was a doctor
cause he was Juggling a Satchel."
ooh. that guy" exclaimed Percy;
''he isn't doctor: he's her amateur
press agent"
'IOh. N.Y. laughed the Show Girl,
"some one after your COB. Percy?"
Not on your life" replied her COM
panion, he couldn't be a press agent
or Coney Island frankfurter. He's a
shine. The prima conna's killing him,
and he don't know 1t. He's the orig
inal fall guy for keeps
What does he carry the satchel
for2" asked the Show Girl
HE carries clippings in it" an
swered Percy. Every time he gets
her name in print he buys a dozen
copies Of the paper and clips out the
notice. Then he packs it in his grip
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

'Oh, a reporter" suggested the
Show Girl.
No, it's not the same" replied Per-
cy. "A journalist is a newspaper man
who borrows money from reporters
most OF the time"
Does the prima donna really like
him?' asked the Show Girl.
Il don't KNOW" said Percy, but her
maid does. Ever since he's been
around her maid has been loafing.
Why this high-browed admirer but
tons up the prima donna's dress and
ties her shoes and carries her dress
suit case. not to mention taking her
out to supper when she'll let him."
How He Gets the Money.
''Cheei He must have money" ex-
claimed the Show Girl.
Sometimes he has and sometimes
he hasn't" replied Percy. 81 under
stand that down in the office he has
them all conned into thinking he's the
sole support of an aged aunt. Every
time he wants an advance he rings in
the aunt. She generally gets indisposed
on the day High Brow has a date to
take the Prima Donna out to supper
oh, he's a wise one, this High Brow. ~
'Oh, dear" moaned the show girl
why wasn't I gifted with a beautiful
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
The Senator's Soliloquy
BY GENE LEWIS
BY. "'GENE" LEWIS

I mott quit t..
i tt
Whether tits
BY removing M and
From in
nc a finsh-with
To to licked
III
For that fight what wallopping GET
Only strangle hold this Insurgent bunch
a devoutly wished
Tho o
ha
he
Loci a
securely
a farewell o
sickled within
o l.
S to-
o get
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
A DietetiC Tale
BY JAMES RAvENSCRoFT

II E WAS spry old man. although niney-nine
i who lie
e
was his faculties intact
He of the of
hads
Nord of mind
impressed
no his earthly
1 all according their
he the oldest modern
Theyste rilizeda and i
he although heroicaly tried:
nsse much he declined died
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
The Prima Donna's gh-Browed
Friend Gets His Goat

voice to catch easy marks like that in
stead of being just good looking
Cut II out" said Percy, be salts
fled with what you've got This kind
of guy would get on your nerves.
Why he does nothing but ask her to
marry him.
why don't she take him up?'' cried
the Show Girl Look at the chance
she's got to get q dresser and a press
agent for nothing"
That's the wrong kind of dope,
kid" said Percy. Shes wise. He
might get on to himself If they got
married, and probably quit being an
easy mark. No, she's got him right.
Give him four kisses a week and he'll
eat out of her hand forever"
Hasn't she ever made him any
promise about marrying" asked the
Show Girl
'I understand she'll make the Cava-
lieri speech as soon as he gets her face
into a magazine" said Percy, land the
poor guy is laying awake nights trying
to think up some new line of dope SC
he can put it across on some editor.
It's terrible thing, is love"
High Brow a Hero.
Hes a sort OF a hero, isn't he2''
said the Show Girl, pathetically.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
RECIPROCITY,

Mayor Gaynor of New York. at con-
gratulatory dinner, said of two sposlsmens
Their deplorable reciprocity reminds
me of a restaurant scene.
' Good gracious. john" a wife walled
to her husband, as they rose from table,
you gave that waiter the tip OF mil
lionaire. And you know how hard up We
arel And Christmas coming onr
"a But my love- demonstrated the hus-
band. look at the overcoat he gave met
"And she, for the first time noting the
superb. fur-1ined ulster in which the man
was enveloped. smiled and was content. :"
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

think you were bad If you went in a
ginmfli at all. Here they think you
are bad If they happen TO see you COM
ing out. and you know, George, being
a man of the world, that a fellow has
to come out some time.
Il don't know what's going to be-
come of Wilfred. 1 think the poor boy
is getting too respondent from all them
rebuffs he has been getting lately.
It's a tough world. SIS he was telling
me the other night. If you don't
work, the old gent wants you to leave
home. and If you jump in and write a
play, some manager gives you a kick
in the shins'"
TT is a tough world, at that" ad-
mitted the Head Barber, Especially
for them that thinks it owes them a
living
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
Susurro
az WILLIAM SHARE.

BY WILLIAM SHARP.
~ REATH O. the grass,
Ripple OF wandering wind.
Murmur of tremulous leaves;
A moonbeam moving white
Like a ghost across the plain;
A shadow on the road:
Aud high up, high,
From the cypress bough,
A long. sweet. melancholy note,
Silence.
And the topmost spray
OF the cypress bough is still
AS a wavelet in a pool
The road lies dusktly bare;
The plain is a misty gloom;
Still are the tremuious leaves;
Scarce a last ripple OF wind.
Scarce a breath + the grass.
Hush: the tired wind sleeps
Is IL the winds breath or
Breath o the grass2
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
Daysey Mayn,e's
Kick

TT is Daisy Mayme Appleton's idea
of being helpful IN time Of the sick
ness OF a neighbcr woman to cali
at the house and recommend TO the
patient something her husband cannot
possibly afford Then, when he refuses
TO buy 1t, DaySey Mayme has that
pleasant, shocked feeling so well
known to church people when thev see
some one going straight to he'll.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
Percy the Press Agent
THE SHOW GIRL GOES FLAT HUNTING

live in another house where there
wasn't any elevator, and that the sec
Ond floor was high enough. Now, how
about the elevator"
That's all right" said the Show
Girl you can't expect a mansion in
'Millionaires Row for IS a week.
And what floor is 1t on?" Percy per-
sisted
Fourth; but the landlord recon-
mended 1t. as he said you get better
air up there
That's what they all say" replied
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
PYindvero
By ANGELA GORDON.

BY ANGELA GORDON.
Out OF the southwest. sleepy little
breezes
Call 10 each other: Wake. for she is
coming
death, our l0ng-loSt
Lady OF iaughterl
Rosy above her CLEANS the budded
almond,
Asphodels bring their flaming gold to
greet her.
Primrose and crocus vie to weave q
carpet
Meet for her s0otstspA
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

Percy. -1Oh. woman, woman, how
changeable is thy naturew
II don't know nothing about chang
ing our nature remarked the Show
Girl, ''but / do not know as how we
have changed our address. So next
time you call come to No. 2402 West
End street, fourth floor back, ring the
ali"
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15
The Way Of a
Girl Extending
An Invitation

BY MABEL HERBERT URNER.
Author OF "The journal Of q Neglected
Wife,
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1910-05-15

Hes a sort OF a hero, isn't her
said the Show Girl, pathetically.
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1910-09-22
Public Want Ads.

Wanted Several nice old gentle
men to represent US financially. Moth
ing to do but utter wise remarks and
indorse dividend checks. Good wages,
from fifty to one hundred millions a
year.
Wanted-A financier who will guar
antee to keep US supplied with half
colleges and half-libraries while we
supply the other halves. No expert
ence required. Good rake-off.
Wanted-At once. A large humber
of stockholders to take charge Of our
food supply and keep us from eating
too much. No regular hours. Palm
Beach in winter. Adirondacks in sum-
mer.
Wanted-A few select persons to
represent us socially and do the
things we haven't time for. No bFains
needed. All expenses paid. No worry.
Success.
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1910-09-22
RURAL HIGH SCHOOLS.
Legislature Removes Unjust Discrimination
Against Country People.

Athens.--It will be good news to-
the rural schools to know that the
general assembly passed the. amend
ment to the constitution giving a
county or school district the right
to extend the school course beyond
the seven common school grades
through the high school where local
tax is levied Since the constitution
of 1877, cities and towns have enjoy
ed this right and there is scarcely a
town today without a good high
school This amendment gives the
rural districts and counties the same
right previously enjoyed by the
towns. 1t means richer and hap
pier era for the rural communities OF
Georgia.
The law does not require any
community to run high school that
does not want to but makes it posi-
BILE for any community that does so
desire to have as good school as the
towns.
Over four hundred districts have
already voted a tax and this will now
enable them to nave as high a school
as they desire, whereas previous to
this amendment they were restricted
to "the elements OF an English educa-
ton only" It shows marked states
manship on the part Of the general
assembly to so unanimously vote to
remove the unjust discrimination
against the country people.
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1910-09-22
SCI, 900 IS NEEDED
TO BOON GEORGIA
Greater Georgia Association to
Raise That Amount.
STATEWIDE CANVAS FOR funds
John Greer is Chosen TO Take Active Charge Of
Campaign 10 Raise Funds for Advsr-
Using GeOrgia's Resources

Atlanta. twenty-five thousand dol
lars in the next thirty days-this is
the task the Greater Georgia associa-
tion set for itself, and statewide
canvass to raise this amount will be
begun Immediately
The actual work of raising this
this money has been put in charge of
the ways and means committee Of
the association, and this committee
has chosen John Greer, a wideaWake
newspaper man Of south Georgia, to
take active charge Of the campaign.
A fund Of $1,000 to guarantee the ex-
penses of Mr.. Greer while doing the
work was raised at the association
meeting held in Atlanta
Acting under the instructions Of
the ways and means committee, Mr..
Greer is to arrange for meetings in
towns of about 5000 people and up
ward. All preliminary arrangements
for these meetings will be made by
Mr.. Greer, who will call to his assis-
lance when the meeting is held other
representatives of the Greater Geor-
gia association
1t is thought that tour Of the
towns In the state of 5000 and over
can be made in about thirty days
time, and it is believed that little
trouble will be encountered in the ef-
fort to raise the $4,000 in these
towns and counties alone.
1t was decided at the meeting of
the Greater Georgia association that
it would be worse than useless to at
tempt any advertising campaign of
such proportions as the association
anticipates without at least $4,000
guaranteed, and it was on this deci-
sion that the statewide campaign for
funds was decided upon. Another
meeting of the association, at which
q decision as to exactly how this
money is to be spent, will be held
in the near future. 1t is thought
likely, however, that special car,
bearing exhibits of Georgia's natural
resources of every kind, accompanied
by lecturer supplied with stereop-
tican views, will be sent through the
middle west, and at the same time a
newspaper and magazine advertising
campaign will be waged in that sec
ton
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1910-09-22
GEORGIA NEWS NOTES.

Hoke Smith spent s17,569.10 to be
elected governor, according to- q
schedule filed with Comptroller Cen
eral Wright. He gave $4,000 of the
amount and the balance was subscrib-
ed by supporters. James Il. Gray,
was the largest contributor with 5000,
H Y. McCord and RUDE Arnold, cam
paign managers gave $3.50 each. The
amounts range from $500 to 81. Mr..
Brown has not filed his schedule yet.
Ebert Holt, thrifty and industri-
GUS Negro of Putnam county, and Tor
several years past the first bale farm
er Of Putnam, again brought IN the
first bale of cotton during the week
past, winning in addition to the honor
of marketing the first bale of cotton
for 1905 new crop, the annual prize
offered by the Riley warehouse, Of
S.. Ebert. is a quiet, unassumlng
Negro, hard working and Industrious
puts money in the bank and has a
good credit at the banks and stores.
The first steps for the establish
ment Of great turpentine distilling
plant operating under the patented
Pittman system of steam distillation'
were taken at recent meeting OF
the valdosta board of trade. The
Pittman system Of steam distillation
not only obtains from the pine stump
an extra grade Of spirits of turpen-
tine, but a number of unusual and
high grade products. One OF, these
is a combination oil and .varln.itsh,
which when applied to the blackgum
and other swamp woods turns them
into hard woods.