Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-08-12
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Courier.
1T seems to me that l have seen
you before" You have, my lord. l
used to give your daughter singing les
sons" Twenty years!"-Cassell's
Magazine.
Little Boy-I want dose of castor
oil. Druggist-Do you want the kind
you can't taste? Little Boy (anxious
to get even)-No, sir; It's for mother.
San Jose Citizen.
Usher-Ladies, the audience wishes
you to keep still during this perform
ance. Ladies-Heavens! Is 1t possi-
BILE that the audience hasn't heard this
old opera before?-Cleveland Leader
Marie (embroidering)-I need a
new stiletto. Elsie-What is stilet-
to? May Bingham-Oh, don't you
know? It's a book that tells you all
about the grand operas!-Sharps and
Flats.
We'll, how's things?" Fine" re-
piled the author. "The critics pro-
nounced my last novel so worthless
that have six publishers bidding for
my next book" = Louisville Courier
Journal.
Can you tell me how to live 100
yeers?" The philosopher stroked his
beard thoughtfully. Il will try" he
said, IF you can give any good rea-
son for wanting to live 100 years.
Stray Stories.
Stranger (mysteriously)-Fd like to
get into gambling game of some
sort. Where can l go? Tired Look
Ing Man (whispering)-Over to the
office of that justice Of the peace. He'll
marry you.-St. Louis Star.
Higgins-How were the areoplane
races yesterday? Wiggins-Good, only
for the fact that the track was too
heavy for making records. Higgins
What do you mean? Wiggins-They
were pulled off over Pittsburg, you
know.-Puck.
"Ah, Mr.. Jimsoll," exclaimed the
httenish lady with the plenitude of
member l am a daughter of Eve"
well, honestly" replied the blunder-
Ing man, you don't look half that
old."-Chicago Post.
Mr.. Slimpurse (after a decided re-
fusaD-I know what the matter is.
It's because l am poor You would
marry me II l were rich. Miss Gailie
Observation-Disclosures so, but you
would have to be very, very rich.-
New Orleans Picayune.
Suburbanite-I went out to look at
that piece Of property you advertised
as being a stones throw from the de-
pot. Real Estate Agent-Well? Sub
nrbanite-All I've got to say is that
I'd like to meet the man who threw
the stone.-St. Louis Star.
Rural Theater Manager-That fell
low Shakespeare must be maxim all
kinds Of money. Travelling Manager
Why SO? Rural Theater Manager
Because every repertory troupe that
plays this town puts on one or two
pieces by him.-Milwaukee News.
by the way" continued the near
sport. who is the lightweight cham
pion of American" ut is still a mat
ter Of doubt" answered the wise guy.
"Some claim the title for the coal
dealer, while others say the iceman Is
entitled to it."-Chicago Daily News.
Pardon me, madam, but the way
that man across the aisle is staring
at you must be very offensive. Do
you wish me to interfere?" "Oh, no,
thank you. That's my husband"
Your husband" Eyes. He's very
near-sighted and thinks I'm somebody
else. Plain Dealer.
do you enjoy hunting?" NO"
Perhaps you have never had favor
able opportunities for enjoying the
sport. What have you hunted most
ly?" Before l was married | gener-
ally hunted for boarding place.
Since then most of my hunting has
been for fiats."-Chicago Record-Her-
aid.
Life amt nothin' but disappoint.
ment," groaned the Chronic Crouch.
Cheer up!" urged the Cheerful Mutt
Didn't you git $50 fer putin yer
picture In the paper as havin' ben
cured O. all yer Ills by Bunk's Pills?'
"Yes, / did. An now all my relatifs
are askin' me why don't go to work
now th't I'm cured" Cleveland
Leader.
Good Man-Ah, my poor fellow, ]
feel sorry for you. Why don't you
work? When l was young, for ten
years / was never in bed after 8. An
hours work before breakfast, then
Ave hours work, then dinner, then
four hours more work, then supper
then bed, then up again at 8 next
morning. Loafer-I say, boss
where did We serve your time-Sino