The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-01-03
HOW HUSBANDS
SHOULD Be TRAINED
Wives Discuss kinkineSs of
Lords and Masters
0UTBURSTS OF BLUFF
Men Who Make a Lot of Noise and
Waste Lot of Perfectly Good
Breath often Conceal
Acts of Kindness.

with the subdued voice. lis | believe.
the stormiest buffer now living on the
globe. My, what lot of noise he makes,
what a lot of perfectly good breath ne
wastes, with his bluffs?"
Let me illustrate, You know my black
maid. Viola? I've had Viola for two
years. She's a splendid worker. l never
had single fault to find with Viola I'M
til election day. Viola failed to appear
on election day.
well, you should have heard my hus-
band below when Viola didn't appeari
While I was getting breakfast he burst
into the kitchen.
Where's that woman" he demanded
hoarsely, and his hair was all tousled up
and he looked really dangerous.
'Viola?' I said, Why, Viola hasn't
come this morning
She hasnt?' he roared. She hasn't
come? What the dickens is the matter
that she hasn't come?
Really. I haven't the slightest idea.
| said, trying to be soothing Probably
she Is sick.
Sick nothingl' he bawled. Don't
believe anything of the kind She was
probably Hitting around San Juan hill all
night, dancing her head off and hitting
up the gin and all like that-thats what
she was doing
Viola, I said dignifiedly, is a settled
woman. She doesn't dance and she doesn't
drink. Be reasonable
"Pay Her and Fire Her."
There you go, making excuses for
EN-" he shouted. Letting EN- walk all
over you! Well, they won't walk over
me. tell your thati Not muchl When
she shows up you pay her and fire her
understand
Viola came on time the next morning.
Her face was battered She was crying
when she came in. I struggled her
quietly Into the kitchen and asked her
about things.
Really 1t was too band. Her husband
had beat her for the first time In their
married life of fourteen years Her hus-
band Is a truckman, and a Woodworking
man, but he'd got overfilled with election
joy on the night before election and had
come home and beaten her, and then
he'd pawned her best pair OF shoes 10
two bits as she told mo and after that
he'd been arrested and he'd probably be
sent to the island, because he had no
money to pay his fine. and of course he'd
lose his trucking job, and
well, then. Viola broke down quite
badly and | felt very sorry for her. But
my husband heard her crying. He called
me.
What's all that noise agoing on out
there In the kitchen? he demadned of
me when I went to his ROOM
IT told him all about it.
Huh! fine cock and bull yarnr he
grunted. OF course. you believe all of
that Junk they tell you. Krr man hooked
her shoes for quarter, Ell? HIM. Who's
got the ticketY
Viola has It, I replied. She showed
it to me-
'Darned pretty note he growled saw
agely. He ought to be strung UP by the
thumbs! HUH Woodworking man. is he?
Well, ! haven't particle of use or SYM
pathy for people likt that; but I'm not
going to have any woman around my
place without any decent shoes to wear
Soon's breakfasts over you give her the
money and send her out to get her shoes
out O. hook. Where's this loafer of a
husband of hers now?
He'll be taken to Jefferson Market
court this morning Viola says; she was
just around at the police station and
saw him. I told him.
How the Bluff Worked.
Well, he ought to get about 90 years
In prison, darn him. he mumbled as he
pulled on his shoes. Drives a truck, eh?
And he'll lose his job, will he? Well, he
ought to lose 1t! What police station Is
he INF?
The one down on Thirty-third street,
Viola told me- l replied.
He huh'd and muttered lot more, and
then he came into the dining room and
gulped his breakfast without a word and
started for the office half an hour earlier
than usual. About 20 minutes after he
left he called me up on the phone.
Now, see here he beloved at me
over the phone, I've got that scoundrel
of a husband of Viola's out, and bought
him drink and some breakfast, and he's
gone back to his job, but I want you to
understand one thing-never again; Not
any more! l won't tolerate such BUSH
ness! Not much! You tell Viola that her
mans out of jail and on the job again,
and at the same time you want to give
her fair and square warning that but
he was so terrifcally in earnest about the
rest of 1t that I couldn't make out a
word that he said.
did you ever hear of such a buffer
in all your born days as my husband is?''
"Oh, they're all like that" put in the
woman with the prematurely gray hair
and the fresh young face. II think it is
because they are just crazy over the
sound of their own voices. The only way
Is to let 'em shout and below and roar
and then go right ahead and do what
you've been Intending to do right along
They must let off steam. you know, the
poor, bustery creatures.
"A few Sundays ago the Ice cream
didn't come in time for dinner. My hus-
band made an awful fuss about it and
when the boy did bring the ice cream
about an hour after we'd finished dinner
he rounded on the lad something awful
Asked him what the something or other
he meant by loafing on his job that way
and threatened to have him fired and all
that, and finally the ice cream boy broke
down and began to dash at his eyes with
his cap
:" Me brudder was pinched last night
the boy mumbled through his sobs am I
been spendin' most of me time all day
tryin' t spring him.
g TO spring him.? my husband demand
ed Of the lad. What do you mean by
springing him?'
"T git him OUT said the ice cream
boy, still wiping away at his eyes with
his poor old cap. i been t see McGooli-
gam naming the district leader only that
isn't the district leaders NAME an Nc
Gooligan he trun me- He wouldn't do
muffin t spring me brudder. An he'll
have to do his Bit
Ice Cream Boys Story.
Tell that to Sweeney said my hus,
band, who becomes terribly slangy
when he is angry but then he began
to ask the ice cream boy questions
and presently he had the story.
THE lads brother had been In a /