davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21
TheSpice ofLife
:Jsy@

Unrecoanized. came knock at
the door,
The man of the house answ cred it.
Good morning, SIR" said the caller.
"Don't you want"
81 don't want an thingr' snapped the
man of the house, slamming the door
in his face. "Ding these peddlers''
1t was a fateful mistake.
The stranger had come to make him
an offer for his house and lot, which he
was trying to sell.
Opportunity had knocked at his door
and had been repulsed.
No Ghostly Gold for Him.-"Ever'
night" said the old colored brother,
"de ghost er de OF man comes an digs
in de gyarden, in the dark er de moon,
/ hez seen i'm at it mo- times'n I kin
tell you, an eff fyou'd des 60 dar an tar
rigate i'm he'd tell you whar his money
is.u
"Why don't you do it?'' someone
asked.
"My fr'en'," was the reply, "I come
into de worl wild nuttin', an I'm gwine
out dat way. De good Lawd deliver me
fun ever bein' one er desc bloated mill
lionaires"'
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21
No. 81.

His Money.-A poor Jew received q
monthly allowance of five dollars from
q rich man of the same faith. The mon
ey used to be paid to him regularly by
the boOkeeper- On one occasion when
the poor man came around the book
keeper handed him only three dollars.
The poor man remained standing quiet
ly until the bookkeeper asked whether
there was anything else he wished.
"You must have made mistake"
he said, II always get five"
Yes" replied the bookkeeper. THAT
has now been changed"
Changed? Why?"
"You see, the boss recently married off
his eldest daughter and he had great
deal of expense, as you may Imagine-
the dowry and so-forth, you can easily
understand"
Yes, yes" grumbled the beggar.
Give your employer my best wishes.
and tell him that if he ever marries OFT
another daughter, he may do it with
his own money, not with mine!-1he
Mnccabcan.
Violating Professional Courtesy. First
Tramp" What time is itY'
Second rramp-"Come off. Pm n
thief myself" " F2iegende Btaetter.
A Connoisseur in Guils.-Mr. Blinks
Tin art museum)-'I didn't know you
were such an admirer in curios, Mrs.
Blunderby."
Mrs Blunderby.- yes, indeed.
I just delight in NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Transcript.
Too Late.-"Your Honor, don't see
how can pay rs much alimony as that"
Judge-"Why in the world didn't
you think of that before you got mar
riedW-Lye.
Innocence. -Esther-"Pereys says that
1 am the first girl he ever kissed"
Geraldine-'.Y And doesn't he do
it delightfully."-" Cotnmbia Jester.
Couldn't Fool Her. r.-Little Girl-"Look,
auntie, there's poor man with wood
Ell ley. Can't give him penny"'
Aunt-"Certainly not, dear. | have
no doubt he's an imposter. ."-Punch.
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21
An Effort to Pix the Judue.-The Bill

eS>A @e4SS@s
vile citizen, in Jail. wrote to friend on
the outside:
dear JIMMY case comes up fer
trial next week, am I know mighty
well what the Jedge IL do to me eff he's
on de bench then. Now, Jim, you an
me air OF fr'en's, an 1 want you to do
me favor. You air de boss o. the hotel
at which the Jedge allus puts up, an
it's in yer power to help me eff you will.
II want you to 80 fix his vittles that
he'll be incompetent, SO to speak-'done
up, as you might say, an in de hands
O. the doctors.
"You will understan' that he amt to
be kilt entirely, but jest wounded in his
feelin's through his stummick.
"He's big, hearty eater, you know,
an that's whar you kin git him for me.
EFF you don't want to risk that make
him a present o. that skeery, runaway
horse O. mine an see if the critter won't
throw him heels-over-head. One o. these
two things, Jim, is my only Salvation,'
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

Spotted. 1.-THE man who gives in
when he is wrong is wise; the man who
gives in when he is right is generally
married. .n-LJe.
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21
STATE TAX SALES.

STATE OF LOUISIANA AND PARISH OF
ST. JOHN THE BAPTIST
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

Couldn't Fool Hsr. Little Girl-"L Look,
auntie, there's poor man with wood
Ell ley. Can't l give him penny"'
Aunt-"Certainly not, dear. | have
no doubt he's an imposter. Punch.
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

Violating Professional Courtesy. First
Tramp What time is it?"
Second Tramp-"Come off. I'm 4
thief myself" ~ F1iegsnde Btaetter.
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

Innocence. .-Esther-"Perey says that
1 am the first girl he ever kissed"
Geraldine-"Yes. And doesn't he do
it delig gntfully?" Columbia Jester.
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

On Saturday, the IA. at 2.3O o'clock
P. NJ, Mrs. Lamie Songy. nee Corinne
Le MeschaceÌbeÌ. [volume] ([Lucy] La.) 1853-1942, 1910-05-21

Too Late.-"Yoar Honor, don't see
how can pay as much alimony as that"
Judge-"Why in the world did
you think of that before you got mar
ried?" Life.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

We'll. dont!" cut in petite. prompt
as bullet. But IL l gotta eat il, TAX =
the bones out fr me. you!" thrusting his
dish over to his mother.
Mamma'll take the bones out for dear
est" said his mother, whipped to a stand
still. but not knowing q thing about IT,
That's the way II went throughout the
meal. The little four-year-old boy was
barbarian compared with whom the late
Ingomar was milk-and-water instructor
in the Turveydrop School of Department
He was a savage. and nothins-not one
thing-was being done to arrest the
growth of his savagery. His mother would
have taken 1t as a deadly and sinister in
suit IL even the gentlest intimation had
been made to her that her offspring had
beat the flag about fifteen miles on the
road TO ruffianism.
The little four-year-old boy was a sam
pie of the whole lot Of children of his
Identical kind with whom the hereof has
come into close and hideous contact with
in very recent years.
Well, they're beginning TO irrigate the
land in Asia Miner. and so. when the
Bok-Bok system OF bringing 'em up be
comes universal, one can always 60 there
and squat. and raise sweet potatoes or
something, anyhow!
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

got me all stirred up in the safe and
sane way that ensues upon a visit to g
seen moving picture show where vir-
tue was not triumphant The villain
always gets what IN coming to him
and sometimes q little bit more.
The better class Of Aim makers en-
ploy excellent actors and actresses.
They go through the lovemaking with
q daintiness and refinement that is re-
markable when you consider that 1t Is
all dumb show. all pantomime and
that there IL not q spoken word to con-
rough spot I have been able, to find. is
In some Of the comedy. It leans to-
ward the slap stick" rather heavily
and gfotesquely at times. But, tell me.
are the gum-chewing girls OF the
roush-neck fathers going to be hurt
by the picture of fat woman falling
into q bathtub full Of water?
Are they going to be uplifted by the
sight of beekeeper on his rounds
among the. bees? These people who cry
now is plague ought to know that
there are strata OF refinement beneath
their own, and that BECAUSE person
prefers slAp-stick numor to comedy
essarily folIow that this coarser mind
ed person is going to plunge immedi-
ately into all sorts of vicious pursuits
just because the slap stick is worked
overtime.
They say that the policemen censor the
show with a policeman's viewpoint. Why
not? Aren't policemen a steadygoing sort.
recruited mainly from the greatest class
Of people in the wofid-the plain people.
1t Is a fact that the policemen who do the
actual censoring are men of families,
and discerning. II they saw
on the screen which would. in
their opinion poison the minds Of their
own children they would be mighty
quick to suppress It,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14
Co., s-4(%a@akF SM$S~ "a

brate my birthday by increasing your al
lowance for household expenses. do you?
Oh, sure you do! might have expected
that you'd shoot in some kind OF crack
like that, when I am endeavoring. in
spirit BETTING my birthday. to show you
how you might help to make things better
around here than they have been. In
crease the budget for household expenses.
hey? Well. I hate to say 1t, madam, but
there's a good deal more brass In that
proposition than anything I've heard you
give utterance to for quite some tune:
Just plain brass of the sordid commercial
or grating variety. It's a wonder to me
that you don't ease in a suggestion that L
hand all of the money that L earn by
the sweat Of my brow over to you and let
you dish out lunch money and car fare
to me as you see At. s matter OF
straightout fact that's just about the
way the game frames up around here
now.
LAS think I've mentioned to you hith-
erto, all get out of the business OF living
is a place to sleep and som sth'ng to eat.
and here you are right on deck with the
suggestion that l ought to slip you ev-
cry cent that make and permit you
to do all the disbursing. Huh? What:
you didn't say thatf Well. what did
you say. then? Oh, that's all you said;
Ell? Well, I say different. that's all. ana
that ends it. You came right out ana
stated that you ought to be the holder OF
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

bought a line of trimmings at F1ssgigg-
sky Co.'S, and she good-natHredly
joshed the two junior members OF that
flrm. who tossed out hints, all perfectly
respectful, about taking her out and en-
pertaining her by way Of reciprocity for
her custom.
Miss Tessie Murnane's Washington
firm is one of the best customers Of F1xs-
giggsky & Co.. and 1t was felt by
the senior members of the firm that the
wholesome, vivacious and yet entirely
sedate buyer from Washington should be
looked after, in the entertaining line, by
the younger members of the firm; that
at any rate there should be no lack of
Inequalities at least extended to her,
even through she persisted In affably
declining.
On her final day here Miss Murnane
finished weaving through the F4zz-
siggsky stock. young Moe Levy of the
firm showing her the goods. until along
toward 1 O'Clock I'm the afternoon. Then
Miss Murnane sighed a bit YEARLY.
''Tired?" inquired Moe solicitously.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

the games down yonder in Washington"
inquired Moe. ..~
r
Privately, Moe was thinking: Gosh. 1
wish she was a fan! Then she'd go out
to the game with me-"
But he didn't notice a certain mischiev-
Gus, whimsical expression that fiickered
across Miss Murnane's pleasingly freckled
countenance He was thinking too keenly
about the ball game, wondering If he'd
make it. and calculating upon the time
he'd get to the grounds.
Now wouldn't l have a lot Of time to
be going to ball games in Washington"
inquired Miss Murnane. to Noes dismal
disappointment.
.D'je know the Washington team is
playing here this afternoon asked Moe,
unwilling to abandon hope.
"Why, is that so?' inquired the buyer
looking mildly interested. Dear me!
The Washngtons here? 1t would be too
nice! I've heard so much about base
ball-WashingtOn is a crazy base ball
town, you know. and really 1 don't have
to leave until the late train if 1 don't
want to. Er-how do you reach the ball
grounds?'
Here. just wait till ring up for the
taxi that I'm going to take you to the
ball game in" said Moe. breathiessiy,
taking q chance, and he got by with 1T.
Really, it wouldn't be such a bad way
of Willing away the afternoon, would it?"
said Miss Murnane, and Moe dubbed IN
wardly. He was delighted that he wasn't
going to miss the game, and Miss Muir
name would be a pretty woman to be seen
with at the game.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

deieterious to the youthful mind that 10
too high up in the air for me to grasp.
/ have seen many moving picture shows
In the course OF my fragile and sheltered
youth. and I have yet to find one 30
villainous as to demand an uprising on
the part OF the Ancient Danes Society
for the Uplift of the South Sea Islanders.
Did you every stop to consider every
thing in connection with this incipier,t
riot in connection with the operation Of
moving picture shows? Actually there
are folks going around this town pro-
testing to the authorities that the moving
picture proposition in Washington IL akin
to the woman s-drinking-hall evil that
The Star chased to its lair ana put out
OF business some little time ago. A few
men of standing who believe every
thing that is told to them. will get the
idea pretty soon that a moving picture
film is one of the DEVILS chief aids in the
kidnapping of youthful souls. unless the
true state of affairs is presented by
some one
I've never yet seen a moving picture
show that was immoral. though several
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14
c." -N<@5fEsa a%<S~ "a

''Oh, that was beauty bright, Claudy,
but you were all right not to bite on IT.!
Um-uh, another one right smack over.
Now you've got to smash it right on the
seam. Claudy! Vince. I thought SOL! It's
a three-bagger! Claudy justs eats up
those fast ones up around his necktie-
just eats EN- alive!'
Moe was leaning back in his box chair.
tanning himself with his program. and
an idiotic expression of mingled sheep
ishness and astonishment on his face
$. X
land what dye think o. me falling for
herr" Moe was mumbling to himself. Me.
myself, Moe Levy. topplin' for that stun.
Oh. I'm the charter boob. all right. After
this I'll fall for any old thing. They
can sell me dinge graveyard for piece
O. sure-enough real estate and I'll never
know the difference. Me sitting here like
a big chunk of Gorgonxola, talking my
fool bean off. telling her that the idea o.
the game was to make runs. y'know,
and
"Oh, YOU Conroy." said Miss Afurnane
as if to herself, but perfectly audibly. as
the next Washington hitter ambled to
the batsman's box. Fetch that Claudy
boy home. you Conroy! Right on the
nose, son! They're playing in for you
to lay one down-now drop it over their
heads, you Conroy, and let's get lead!
Oh. you Con-ro-o-oy!' as Conroy, swing
ing with all Of his might against a fast
outcurve, sent the ball into deep right
for two bags, of course bringing Milan
home
"Oh. well, I'm the composer of that
I'm Rum thing, all right" murnured
Moe, who was too stunned to pay much
attention to the game. as he still leaned
Imply back in his box chair. I'm the
original come-on. They ought to have
me in the Eden Musee. That's where 1 be-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

ent board of Commissioners is paying any
too much attention to giving news to the
Association of District Building News
paper Reporters should look into the
facts. With about one exception. every
really, good story that has come from
the District building since the new board
was sworn In has been dug at the ex-
pense of much personal toll. This board
does not care a snap of the finger wheth-
er the city government looks like third
rater or not, judging from the results.
Whether the health of the city is going to
be placed on plane never before at
tanned by any community seems to be q
fairly important subject-but any one
who asks DIR. Woodward to tell what the
health officials are doing viii be asked
to look at that beautiful picture on the
wall, or have his mind distracted in some
equally pleasurable way.
A great many city rulers believe it is
good thing to have the city government
appearing daily to be the One Big Tning
in the city. Here in Washington 1t runs
second to the national government. When
the reporters, in many instances young
men Of quick comprehension and sterling
qualities. try to grease the ways SO that
a municipal proposition may be launcheQ
easily and surely on to the first page OF
their papers, they have to use as much
effort nowadays as they would have had
to launch q dozen propositions on to
dozen first pages in days of yore.
1t is as hard to get formal report on
a bit of legislation as it is to get per-
NIT to establish five-cent theater nova
days Instead of having one regular rou-
tine way Of getting reports that are to be
sent to Congress. to be released when the
report is forwarded, the Association of
District Building Reporters now has to
snoop about half a day to make sure that
the report is going to be signed. and the
actual copy of the report is ofttlmes
handed out by q trembling undering too
late to be Of service to the three hundred
and odd thousand people of the District.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

the front yard for a moment until dinner
Is ready?'
Nav. I wun't,'' replied petite. just like
that. II wanna go up on tn roof.
But, mammals dearest. what do you
want to do up on the roof?' his mother
asked him, with great politeness and
calm.
Jaw. I wanna go up there, that's all"
replied mammals dearest. And I wan
ma go up there now!'
Whereupon pettie's mother turned to
the undersigned and said to him:
Gould you let the little dear go up
on the roof, just to satisfy him?'
The undersigned could've. but he
wouldn't. Be 1t everlastingly to his
fame and credits he wouldn't. He
was polite about It,, Of course;
he had to humble a lot Of wholly
untruthful statements to the effect that
the skylight Of the roof was nailed down
and all that stuff. But. IL the roof had
been as wide open as the hanging gar
dens Of Babylon, the hereof writer hadn
the slightest notion on earth of permit
ting III petite to get away with tnat
bunch of his to go up on the roof.
Presently dinner was served, and then
all the joy and light Of existence tenn
porarily went out Of the life Of the indi.
vidual now manipulating this machine. =
'Whacha gotta eat?" inquired the dol
link, squirming in his seat at the table
and fighting and kicking at his mother
when she tried to fasten napkin around
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

way Of fuses and arguments and so on
around here-that answering back hab-
it of yours-and 1 am bound to say that
there never is any meat whatever In
these answers that you get out OF your
system solely for the sake OF proionging
the argument. They're pure piftle al
ways and nothing else.
eff l feel called upon occasionally to
comment upon the way things are mis-
managed around here, why. it's up to
you to understand that such comment is
meant all in good part, and it's your
business and bounden duty to give ear to
what I'm saying and not to chop back
replies at me just for the sake Of saving
your face or something like that.
Your extravaganza, for instance. Your
extravaganza in q whole lot of respects.
Running this apartment. for example. You
ought to know very well--and sometimes
l am of the opinion that YOU do know,
although you persist in denying it-that
you spend at the very smallest compu-
tation about twice as much money in
running this apartment as you ought to
spend. Yet when / take an occasional
survey of the wild and frenzied extrav-
agances in which you constantly indulge
around here and submit q carefully word
ed and entirely amiable criticism in the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

bureau of information and employment.
Another-but what Is the use?
ONLY a week ago there was a terrific
~ increase in the membership of the
In-Bad Club. The National Press Club
gave one Of those housewarmine things
which as home-wreckers and hearth
smashers have no equal. The evenings
entertainment was so interesting and, un-
fortunately, SO long drawn out that many
of the members and their guests would
have seen the comet II it hadn't been 50
cloudy. AS 1t was. they compromised and
turned the affair into a sunrise party. All
OF which was harmless. but annoying to
well-regulated households.
Sunday afternoon a dozen or more mis-
cradle wretches who had involuntarily
joined the In-Bad organization sat around
in the living room of the club. moaning
at frequent intervals and telling their
troubles to everyone who would listen.
Finally a distinguished magazine writer,
who il extremely popular with high on
Gals in Washington and who has recently
sunny southland. lifted his head out of
his hands. bit a low moan in half and
spoke as follows:
Shut up! You all amt In as bad as
am. Sometimes when l stay here at the
club until 1 or o'clock i'm the morning
] take home a club sandwich and a bot
tie of beer as a peace offering to my
wife. 1t sort of shows that I was think
ing of her. Maybe, If I'm a little too
late / blame it on the time it took the
slow cook to make the sandwich with
special care, just for her. Last Saturday
night time slipped by somehow 1 in
tended to go home at 2. and L ordered my
sandwich and bottle of beer. But j did
not go. / just hung around and hung
around. and finally started for home at
u am. l felt fine, and i think 1 looked
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

fundamental unfairness which seems alb
solutely to prevent them from making
the slightest acknowledgment of their
own faults. Sometimes ] am disposed to
believe that even when they do perceive
that they're in the wrong they refuse to
own up to 1t out Of pure stubbornness.
Take yourself. for an example, my
dear. I'll bet that if tabulated statis-
tics had been kept on all of the little
arguments that we've had during the
past year any impartial referee would
decide that you had been completely and
irremediably wrong as to at least I'D per
cent of those arguments. Yet your
femininity never permitted you to come
across and own up to it that you were
wrong i'm any of these little domestic
conflicts.
That is why, my dear, I take 1t upon
myself to offer you a few little sugges-
tions, which, IL you listen to them In the
proper spirit and endeavor to follow
them out, will make things a whole heap
better around here during the coming
year. Now, in the first place. little girl,
you've got a great habit Of forever an
swering a fellow back. Bad habit, that.
Vicious bad habit. One of the worst
habits know anything about. You seem
to feel that you've just got to rap In an
answer to every little word that l say
i'm a tone Of good-natured criticism or
raillery, or that you'll just explode.
That's what starts everything In the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-05-14

premises, why, you infallibly fare up
and talk back and act in general as IL
you considered that you we're a badly
abused woman. Why. sometimes, In such
circumstances, you even resort to that
cowardly feminine expedient OF crying.
Blubbe ring. Dabbing at your lamps ana
all that sort of thing. You only do that,
like ali other women, OF course. when you
are firmly cornered; but It's cowardly.
IT'S taking the meanest kind OF an advan-
tage of a husband. It's q deliberate at
tempt to put your husband In an I'M
worthy and contemplate light
ITS crafty attempt, always, on your
part to switch the thing around and put
1t up to me absolutely. I begin by telling
you, nearly always in a tone that's meant
to be bantering. about some peculiarly
raw bit OF household extravaganza, every
word of it intended for your own good;
and then. hoity toity! up you mare, ana
then you begin to reel OF the answers
and to send in catty little dabs and jabs
and such like. and the first thing you
know, why you've started something, and
then the air Of peace and repose. what
might be called the tone. that should
hover about q home is dispersed or
shattered. and. as often as not. you go
smiling and sniveling around the place,
and sulk and glum and gloom on me ana