The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-07-29

So-o~~S>~~o~N~~.~
Jake said he was going to break
mp the suffragette meeting the other
night. Were his plans carried out?"
No, Jake was"
Wigwag--I never knew such fell |
low as Bjones! He is always looking
for trouble. Henpecked-Then why
doesn't he get married? - Boston
Courier.
Willie-Ma, can't / go out on the
street for little while? Tommy
Jones says there's a comet to be seen.
Mother-Well, yes; but don't you go
too near.
IT wasn't much trouble to wind up
poor old Sleezem's affairs when he
died. "No?' "All the property he
left behind was a silver watch" h."-Bir-
mingham Age Herald.
my new hat is a poem." she said
enthusiastically. II have just received
the bill for it." replied he. Il don't
understand these stories of so many
poets dying in poverty. Washington
Star
why do you make that patient wait
three hours every day in your ante
room?" "He needs rest" explained
The doctor, "and. that is the only way
| can compel him to take it."-Cour-
ler-Journal.
English is funny language, after
all, isn't it?" "Why so?" II heard
man talking Of political candidate
the other day say: If he only takes
this stand when he runs he'll have
walk-over.'
Fancier-This dog, madam, would be
cheap at $780, LADY, would take
him; but I'm afraid my husband might
object. Fancier-Madam. you can get
another husband much easier than
dog like that.
Squire Durnitt (of Lonelyville)-
Our towns got the four biggest liars
In the State. Uncle Welby Gosh (of
Drearyhurst) II guess that's right.
You're three of 'em. Who's the fourth?
Chicago Tribune.
Chief of Detectives-Now give us
description Of your missing cashier.
How tall was. he? Business Mani
don't know how tall he was. What
worries me Is that he was $4,000
short. Philadelphia Record.
"Have you been married, Bridget?"
"Twicet, mum" "And have you any
| children?" "Yis, mum-I've three.
One be tn third wife av me second
husband, an two be the second wife
av me first."- Cleveland Leader.
my dear brother" said the cleri-
cal looking man, "are you doing any
thing to keep your brother from fall
ing" why, yes," was the reply.
I'm interested In concern that
manufactures lamp-posts!" = Boston
Courier.
Mrs. Starvem-How do you like the
] chicken soup, Mr.. Newbord? Mr..
Newbord-O -Oh-er-is this chicken
soup? Mrs. Starvem-Certainly how
do you like it? Mr.. Newbord-Well--
er--it's certainly very tender.-Catho-
lie Standard and Times.
Author-Have courage, my boy, /
tried for ten years to sell my manu-
script and finally Literary Aspi-
rant-You succeeded? Authorize l
was the means of raising the local
postoffice from the third to the second
5 class--Ch Chicago Daily News
Il believe we ought to have a
change in our constitution, providing
that only citizens who could read and
: write good English should be permit
ted to VOTE" What's your object?
DO you want to shut out the college
graduates ?'-Chicago Record-Herald.
: Before we were married." sighs the
fond wife, you used to call me up by
long-distance telephone just to hear
J my voice" WELL" retorts the rebel
: Iious husband, nowadays you won't
! let me get far enough from you to
! use the long-distance. Chicago Post
j II endeavor not to make any dis
q tinction as to my servants" says the
: new mistress. MY rule is to treat
each of them as one of the family
s Yes, num-" replies the new girl
] "but II it's all the same to you I'd
q rather be treated with respect Chi
! cago Post.
so you think the buffers are fax
: ing about their extended European
tour?" Il should say 80. They said
= : there were so many Americans In Ven
] ice that many had to walk In the
4 middle of the streetT ''Well?" why
4 the streets of Venice are canals
i Springfield Union.
q The Man Did you notice that won,
] an we just passed? The Woman The
e. one with blond puffs and fur hat
=, and military cape, who was dread
: fully made up, and had awfully soilet
gloves on? The Man-Yes, that one
.e The Woman-No. didn't notice her
y Why?-C Cleveland Leader.
90 Mrs. Crimsonbeak-It is said tina
I the five great original forests Of thu
United States covered eight hundrst
- and fifty million acres and contained
fiftytwo billion feet of lumber. Mr.
| Crimsonbeak--In those days, you se.a
there was some place for a man to g
when Ills wife cleaned house.-Yonk
| crc Statesman