davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
President Bone Gets His.

The guests had not long to wait before the
frollicking commenced. The new president
Of the club, Scott G. Bone of the Wash
ington Herald, was to be inaugurated.
His anxious demeanor as he tried to d.
vide time between attention to the guests
at his right and left and running the
dinner indicated that he feared he was
going to be haZed.
Twas as he feared. With a fanfare
OF trumpets, more lugubrious than joy
fuI, there entered company of invaders.
There were Lieut.. Gen. Bingo. Mai. Gen.
Bungo, Brig. Gen. BIN and an army
to-wit, one lone and tattered soldier. He
was coffee cooler" for fair. All were
covered with snow, and cast ferocious
slances at the viands on the tables.
1t was President Zelaya of Nicaragua
and his army, expelled from Nicaragua.
lie was seeking a first-class job as pres
ident elsewhere, and, hearing that there
was vacancy In the Gridiron Club.
proposed to fill it. His army proclaimed
him at once.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06

He was picked out by Mr.. Taft to rule
this great cit-ee:
We think it augurs well for us that he is
on our plane,
If some ones ax'd him here tonight. we
hope he'll come again.
CHORUS:
HAS anybody here seen Rudolph?
He is awfuily shy.
Has anybody here seen Rudolph?
Ever seen him passing by?
He's a good old-fashioned hardware man,
Built upon the hand-wrought plan,
Has anybody here seen Rudolph?
Rudolph with a nice new job.
Rudolph has colleague, and Johnston
is his name,
A man who In his early youth sought
military fame;
He tired of his golden lace. his epaulets
and sash,
He did not have to work no more because
he had the cash.
not have fear,
And if he's present here tonight we'd like
him to appear.
CHORUS:
Has anybody here seen Johnston?
He is awfully shy.
Has anybody here seen Johnston?
Ever seen him passing by?
Did you ever see his sporty vest?
He will try to Guido West;
Has anybody here seen Johnston?
Johnston with a nice new job"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
CHORUS:
Wickersham's Double Enters.

Everything was proceeding peacefully
after that and the company getting in
terested in the menu when a man was
seen flying through the hall prusued by
Attorney General Wickersham. Some OF
the guests sitting near the real Mr.. Wick
ersham viewed the apparftion and eyed
their wine glasses suspiciously. for GER
tainly there seemed to be two Attorneys
General present.
The pursuer caught the fleeing man in
the center of the hall, explaining that
the culprit had stolen another letter from
the Attorney Generals private files.
President Bone insisted on having the
stolen letter read and aloud, and 1t was
as follows:
WASHINGTON, February 5.
'My Dear Senator: In regard to the
sugar trust matter, have arrived at the
conclusion that 1t will be much cheaper
for the government to buy the trust and
abolish 1t that way.
See MacVeagh about this. He has
sold tons of all kinds OF sugar at his
store, and he is still giving the bankers
taffy.
Tell j. P. Morgan the government can
not permit merger of the subway be-
tween the House and Senate office build
d
bination in restraint of subterranean poll
ties, and would be vigorously opposed
by Senator Aldrfch and Speaker Cannon.
You must also tell Mr.. Morgan that
his government looks with grave sus-
picion on his movement to buy the Paris
flood and bring 1t over here for use in
watering stocks. The Mississippi has al
ways been ample heretofore, and we are
in favor of patronizing home products.
Il have read. with considerable in
terest, the statement of Judge Lands OF
Chicago. that he started the beef trust
investigation. After a long period OF
thought I cannot say who started Judge
Lands.
so far as the Standard Oil argument
is concerned. Frank b. Kellogg assures
me that as soon as he can hire = few
moro Offices and get them handsomely
furnished we may expect action and q
lively campaign for Senator Clapp's seat
I'm re the American Tobacco case, we
are very hopeful, l understand from high
authority that Mr.. Justice Harlan now
has TO pay 10 cents more a slice for his
favorite plug.
There seems to be excellent grounds
for governmental investigation Of the
high price OF living. received my gro
Gerry and meat bills today for the past
month. Anything you can do along this
line will have my hearty cooperation.
Have your stenographer make a copy
Of this ] am writing 1t late at night
at the once. because l understand my
landlord Ia waiting for me at the house
to raise my rent. Very truly yours.
&c. w. WICKERSHAM.
"P. S.-Don't forget that high-price-ot-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Board of Trade Directors Meeting

The monthly meeting of the board Of
directors of the Washington Board of
Trade will be held in the rooms of the
board in The Star building at 4:1S
o. clock tomorrow afternoon.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Knox's Shotgun Diplomacy.


A spirited illustration OF a meeting Of
Secretary Knox with his State Depart
ment chiefs and of the workings OF
shotgun diplomacy was presented.
Secretary Knox is his shirt sleeves and
carry a shotgun and base ball bat
held converse with his under secretary,
his Secretary of Near-Sighted Affairs,
and Secretary OF Far-Sighted Affairs. .
A witty dialogue ensued, In which for
eign AFFAIRS were treated in farcical man
ner and the shotgun diplomacy OF the
State Department exploited.
Secretary Know flew into q towering
public of Panama had put two American
citizens in jail for disturbing the peace,
He directed the following ultimatum to
be sent to the Panaman government.
What do you mean by putting two
| patriotic Americans in Jail for some
thing every Pittsburg millionaire has a
perfect right to do? If it were not for
| the United States holding you up, your
republic would fall into the ditch. The
mere fact that you have no navy and no
standing army will not prevent me from
using the army and navy Of the United
0''1s p. c. KNOX"
| Likewise an ultmatum was sent to Den
mark threatening war the next time the
Danes receive q north pole discoverer and
get this country all wrought up.
Former Secretary Root was announced
as bringing some soft soap and some
soft pedals. They were scornfully de-
clined on the ground that shotguns and
| base ball bats were good enough for the
present administration of the State De-
Dartment
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06

living business Some more bills have
| just come in.
Song About Pork Bari.
| One of the clever songs of the eyenine
| ran:
All sigh for pie.
Congress is a-carying of it now;
Big slice. how nice.
/. For the largest pieces there's a row
All grab. and jab,
II your chances for a slice you'd boom,
Vote right, sit tight,
Then drop into the Speakers room
Every day, when it's just about noon.
They gather round. and they're singing
| the same old tune.
Pretty soon
| You will grant us this boon.
| Give us the key to the Treasury.
They are starting that tune
Every day about noon.
Fat pork, good work
Congress soon will open up the barrel;
| All, then. statesmen.
| For the choicest bits you'll see them quarrel
Fear not. finch not
You will get your share as sure as doom,
Watch Dwight, vote right,
Then drop into the Speakers room.
Capt. Butt Is Butt of Club.
| Capt. Butt. the Presidents aid was
| toasted in a song which had reference
! also to his admission into a MASONIC
lodge. One verse ran:
His golf clothes are natty and cute;
He's fine in his best riding suit.
His dignified grace
In garb of gold lace
Surpasses our power to compute.
They say he can't sleep in the least
| Unless his pajamas are creased.
| But his greatest delight.
! Is that apron of white,
| And we're all saying west, south and
| east
BY Wire From Fairbanks.
/ The following telegram was read during
[ the evening from former Vice President
| Charles w. Fairbanks. 1t was sent from
Rome. Italy, and read:
Sorry cannot be with you Saturday
Good luck to the Gridiron. God have
mercy upon it's guests. for it will not
However. as Nye said of classical music,
| 1t is not as had as 1t sounds.
| CHARLES w. FAIRBANKS
Rome, Italy, February g"
Rap at Tariff and Trusts.
| One of the telling skits of the evening
I
was humorous and at the same time
| caustic travesty upon the tariff and the
| trusts.
| There entered the hall group of juve-
| niles. gamboling along after the manner
of their kind. They were designated as
the Lumber Trust. Whisky Trust, Beef
Trust, Coal Trust and Tobacco Trust
| and claimed to be infant industries, hale
| and hearty and bound to do just as they
pleased with each political party.
What do you youngsters want?" de-
manded President Bone. This is not a
childrens playground
The whole country is our playground, .
retorted the Lumber Trust. we saw a
lot of ugly-looking customers outside and
we are looking for protection. 1 am sure
we have some kind friends or relatives at
this dinner
Then there entered a bunch of gaunt,
hollow-cheeked, coatless men. They
were designated as ultimate consum-
ers.' but they looked as II they had not
consumed anything but air. Their ap-
pearance threw the little trust kiddies
into CONSERVATION, and they set up a
loud wall for their mamma
Being asked why they came to the
trusts, they replied 1t was because they
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06

fiinging his hat upon the floor IN oespalI
The lights went out for moment.
When they flashed up again. Little Eva.
was disclosed triumphantly bearing aiott
a mammoth patronage pie around which
the slaves joyfuliy gathered.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Zelaya's Inaugural Address.

Il will read my inaugural address, de-
clare bond issue and shoot a few
prisoners. Zelaya said. ''F-e-l-l-o-w
citizens: Public office is for private plum
der. Let the public domain be the play
ground of capital. No Cannon should
ever be spiked. Soak the common peo-
pie and soak them hard
My first official act
Hold on, there! By what right do you
ciaim the presidency OF the Gridiron
~lub?' asked retiring President Hall.
BY my own decree. The Gridiron Club
roasts people; broil EN-. II any men,
Der Is TO be suspended, ! am the man to
DO IT, The rope never Slips said the
Nicaraguan exile.
Zelaya's p:etensions were repudiated
lie was advised TO beat it," He was told
hat the biggest presidential job in these
parts was pre-empted until 1913 Further
more, Secretary Knox was in the hall
and
'Carramba." cried Zelaya, Knox here
Me TO Mexico
Gathering his tatterdemalions, he fed.
Mr.. Bone was declared president and
made his graceful acknowI edgment.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Song to New Commissioners.

The Gridiron Quartet and the musical
members of the club can always be de-
pended on for few songs to enliyen the
evening. and one OF them ran:
'Cuno Rudolph is man who ran a hard
ware store,
Sold nails and tacks and other things and
hammers by the score.
lie never hammered any one, and that is
why. you see,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Initiation of New Members.

Two new members of the club were to
be initiated. George e. Miller of the De-
troit News and John c. O'Laughlin Of the
Chicago Tribune. Thereupon the "Back
from Elba" Club entered the room wear
ing Napoleon hats and cloaks. The grand
marshal carried a big stick tipped with a
spear.
Sergt. CLAWS called the roll. Grand
Marshal Henry Cabot Lodge answered as
present and on guard for the square deal.
Field Marshal Clifford Pinchot was stand
ing firmly for the plain people.
Lieut. Gen. James r. Garfield was ready
to reconstruct the tennis cabinet. Gen.
Jonathan Bourne was loyal, but golfing
with Taft Maj. Nicholas Longworth
was welded to my policies" Drummer
Boy Alfred j. Beverage performed va
liant service on the snare drum.
When the name of THE Only One was
called every one answered reverently,
absent in Africa
After some dialogue with the candidates
for admission to the club they were de-
clared eligible. The Elbaites marched out
singing:
when Teddy comes marching home
again, hurrah, hurrah.
Well give him a hearty welcome then,
hurrah, hurrah!
The club will cheer, the boys will shout,
The malefactors will all 60 out.
And we'll get jobs when Teddy comes
marching home"
The souvenir presented to each guest
was silver ash tray, appropriately in
scribed and bearing the clubs emblem, a
gridiron. in raised silver.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06
Nourishment Provided.

Nour16hment FroV1ded.
The menu follows:
MENU.
Canape Russo.
Chatham Oysters.
Celery. Olives. Kadishes. Sailed Nuts.
Essence of Chicken.
Maien Smells.
Cucumbers Marine.
Rack of Lamb, Bourgeoise.
Terrapin, Maryland.
Gridiron Punch.
Quail Ell Casserole.
Endive Salad.
Peach MeIba.
Assorted Fancy Cakes.
Coffee.
Martini Cocktails. Haul Sauterne, Moet
s. Chandon, Imperial Crown Brut,
Cuvee A A. Apollinaris.
Cigars and Cigarettes.
The Guests.
The guests were:
The President of the United States.
The Vice President of the United States.
The German ambassador
Milton E. Allies, Washington, d. C.
William T. Anderson. Norfolk, Va.
E. o. Arnold. Mount Vernon. Ohio.
David Baird, Camden, N. j.
Frank g. Baker, Boston Traveller.
William Barbour, New York.
Frank N. Barksdale, Pennsylvania rail-
road.
Charles ]. Bell. Washington. D. C.
Perry Belmont, Washington. d. c.
Charles G. Bennett, secretary of the
Senate.
Gerald Bement, Boston, Mass.
]. G. Bennett. Pittsburg. Pa.
Norman Bestor Washington, D. C.
Albert j. Beveridge, senator from Indi-
ana.
Cornelius C. Billings, Washington. D, c.
Norman ]. Blackwood, surgeon, u. s. N.
c. Ledyard Blair. New York.
Arthur Blanchard, Washington, d. C.
Stephen w. Bolles, New York.
Jonathan Bourne. jr., senator from Ore
gOn.
George W. Boyd, Pennsylvania rail-
road.
Charles Bradley. Newark. n. j.
Joseph A. Breckons, Cheyenne. Wyo.
Hilton U. Brown, Indianapolis News.
w. H. Burnett, Washington, d. c.
Theodore E. Burton. senator from Ohio.
A. w. Butt, captain, U. s. A., aid to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06

Very P r a C t / c a |
Bed; exactly like cut,
In best white enamel:
single or double size:
very s u b s ( a n tial;
heavy posts. close
filters. An extremely
good value, $3.50.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-02-06

Is white enameled:
exactly like design of
illustration. it has
co n t | n uous posts:
single or double size,
pretty pattern: very
substantial. One of
our extraordinary
values at 2.95.
The Arvada enterprise., 1910-09-09
mo FRlLLs"
Just Sensible Food. Cured Him.

Sometimes a good, healthy CONNER
cial traveller suffers from poorly Sc
lected food and is lucky II he learns
that Grape-Nuts food will. put him
right.
A Cincinnati traveller says: about
year ago my stomach got in bad
way. I had a headache most of the
time and suffered misery. For several
months ran down until lost about
10 pounds in weight and finally had to
give up good position and go home.
Any food that might use seemed to
nauseate me.
MY wife, hardly knowing what to
do. one day brought home package
of Grape-Nuts food and coaxed me to
finally to humor her tried little,
and they just struck my taste. 1t
was the first food l had eaten in near
ly a year that did not cause any suffer
ing.
We'll, to make q long story short, I
began to improve and stuck to Grape
Nuts. / went up from 1876 pounds In
DeceRber to 1874 pounds the following
October.
my brain is clear, blood all
right and appetite too much for any
mans pocketbook. In fact, am thor
oughly made over. and owe 1t all to
Grape-Nuts. talk SO much about what
Grape-Nuts will do that some Of the
men on the road have nicknamed me
'Grape-Nuts. but stand today a
healthy, rosy-cheeked mana pretty
good example of what the right kind
of food will do.
You can publish this II you want to.
It is true statement without any
frills."
Read the little book, "The Road to
Wellyille," in pkgs. There's Reason"
Ever read the above letterY new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true. and full Of human
Interest.
The Arvada enterprise., 1910-09-09

baA rous OF oulachan and as the fish average
about eight to the pound 80, 00O 900 OF them went
the way of the market and the frying pan.
The fishing grounds of the Cowlitz are prac-
tically the only ones where the oulachan can be
caught in paying quantities. On the Columbia
some few are caught by gill netters. But the
river Is deep and for the most part the fish swim
beyond the reach Of the widest net Even when
caught they have to be picked one by one out
of the meshes, putting the gill netter out Of
competition with the Cowlitz man and his greedy
long.handled dipper. The grounds extend but
eight or ten miles in the Cowlitz Before Kelso
the map the best location Is said to have
been directly opposite where the Northern Pa
cfc depot now stands but the growth Of the
town has driven the fish farther up and the best
catches now made two miles above this point
Between the small floating -docks-of-t -the-town
and the fishing grounds boats ply day and night
during the runs, going upstream empty and re.
turning laden with fish. Over 500 boats en-
poyed In the industry, about rs of them power
boats.
1t seems strange that the oulachan, so far
superior to the eastern smelt, has never reached
the eastern markets The fish are packed In
5O-pound boxes for shipment and the earlier
catches sell in the wholesale market at from
$3.50 to $500 the box; but in the height of the
season the ordinary fisherman gets only about
$50 for 200 boxes-10,000 pounds. On the river
several men who buy at these prices from
and ship direct to retail markets. Portland has
wholesale buyers on the ground, and probably
the greater part Of the retail trade is supplied
through them At Kelso smelt have been shipped
as far east as Wisconsin. The fishermen say
that with cold storage facilities the output could
be greatly increased. Canning in the form Of
sardines has never been tried. though In the
opinion Of experts the fish treated would dis
count the imported sardffe. The market Is usu
ally demoralized early In the five months sea
son by schoolboys. who go out. load up few
boats with fish and become easy mark for
buyers Often too. Greeks and Italians come up
the river In boats stay day two and sell
their fish for whatever they can get. and the men
regularly engaged in the trade want to make 1t
a licensed one, on this account
The growing output of the oulachan would
seem on the face of 1t, to demand clifford Pin
chot on the fish commission. But the supply
increases year after year with the demand and
apparently knows no limit. Last years run
broke all records and the Cowlitz smelt fisher
Is looking forward in happy confidence to the
coming winter when the deeps and shadows of
the streams will again be filled with oulachan.
The Arvada enterprise., 1910-09-09

them and shouted. Ouachan.' Hunters and
kIootchmen went into the water and caught the
pulachan with their hands 'Oulaohan,, - they
shouted. They made potach and were filled In
that hour l born. My name is Oulachan."
The oulachan still In the Cowtz and
svery year there Is a feast, but 1t is u feast for
white men; the Indian tribes have vanished
trom the river. During the early months OF win
ter Portland and all the cities and towns within
reach of the fishing grounds look forward to the
feast. In the old days when Portland was the
pnly market fishermen scrambled for the first
Of the run. A wild race of the deep-laden boats
up the Columbia followed, and the first boatload
TO reach the market sold, smelt for silver, weight
Tor weight. But since railroads and refrigerator
Ears have put smelt fishing on the basis OF
practical industry. the first run of the oulachan
does not bring more thal 20 cents the pound In
the northwestern retail maEltats though the very
nrst to arrive eagerly sought at prices some
what higher
Known commercially as the Columbia river
smeIt the king OF pan fish has several names.
tchthyologists classify It as thlechthys pacifcus.
Of the smelt family. The Indians OF the Coum-
bia river region knew 1t as oulachan and the pio'
ueer fishermen called It the Eskimo candle fish
In shape It resembles the smelt OF the eastern
states and Europe, but It's rich yet delicate and
sweet flavor places 1t far above them In the esti-
nation OF the epicures Indeed. enthusiasts insist
that as a pan fish 1t Is superior to trout OF any
kind
For unnumbered years the oulachan has made
the Cowlitz river its spawning ground and OF
course the Columbia river Indians were the first
to use It for food. During the runs they caught.
the fish in vast quantities. drying and smoking
them and dried. actually used them for Dght
In their teepees. For much is the oulachan In
oil that with strip OF bark run through 1t, the
dried fish will burn with clear fame from nose
to tail
In the early months OF the northwestern win
ter the oulachan gather in uncountable millions
at some unknown spot In Bering sea and begin
their southwark swim. Always close to the ocean
bed travelling in the form of monster rope miles
I'm length they pass all the river and ford open
inss along the coast until the mouth OF the Co
lumbia is reached Then. so closely huggtng the
river bottom that kill nets all but useless
to reach them, they make for the Cowlitz
few miles up from the mouth OF that river they
strike the shalower water. and come within easy
reach OF the waiting fishermen.
From Indian times until the great catch OF
last season the method Of fishing has been the
same A boat a canoe to fish from and dip
net with long handle for fishing tackle. are all
The Arvada enterprise., 1910-09-09

eagles gulls and hawks following in the wake
OF the living rope Of fish and picking the
dead they come to the surface. Then the fish
ermen gather by hundreds in their boats along
the fishing grounds and feel along the bottom
with the pole ends Of their dip nets When the
pole strikes the small, wriggling bodies swim
ming along the river bottom in solid phaanx,
1t is simply dip and fll empty the net into the
boat, dip and fill again. until the boat can hold
more. There is not much sport about 1t. 1t
is just about exciting as clam digging and
requires skill Quantity caught. and
-auiekness In dipping ones boat full to the gun
wales OF tapping little fish are the smelt fisher
mans ideals OF sport. And during the runs fish
ermen. fish eaters and even the eternally COB.
bling seagulls alike become sated. When the
gulls at all hungry the fishermen amuse
themselves by tossing up smelt for the gulls to
catch In the air. seagull on the wing will grab
a fish by the middle tail, toss and reverse 1t
in air. and gulp 1t down head first in the wink
of eye.
Most Of the fishing Is done at night Daylight
seems to scatter the fish. but In daytime
during the height Of the the fishermen
keep at their work with good results. AS rule,
there two men to each boat and the craft
are filled In an incredibly short time. One night
last season two Kelso filled a power launch
to its capacity of $3.50 pounds in As minutes.
at the rate Of so pounds a minute. and catches
of 10000 pounds in one day and night were fire.
quent
spawning ground. the oulachan has been known
to run up the Lewis and the Sandy At the time
OF the run up the Lewis, IA years ago. there was
only a small run Of male fish in the Cowlitz and
the fishermen made their seasons catch in the
Lewis About once In eight years there is a
up the Sandy, apparently Independent OF the
Cowlitz run. the number In that river Is not
lessened At the time Of the last In the
Sandy a party of Portland men went out with dip
nets. One lost his dip net but found an
InI hirI IIa ttaI
the end Of a pole and scored an equal catch with
the others. During the same run farmers drove
their wagons into the stream. dipped them full
Of fsh and hauled load after load to their or.
chards to fertilizer Pork sold in the
Portland market some months later had dis
tinctly fshy flavor and revealed the fact that
some of the thrifty agriculturists had fed smelt
to their hogs.
Last season the Cowtz river was the spawn
ing ground of the greatest run OF smelt
known by fishermen who have been in the bust.
ness over twenty years. At the seasons close
the river had yielded over 100000 pounds. or