The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1910-06-30
HUMORS Of
THE CENSUS

That was certainly a proud father
who wrote for his first baby "2-12" as
the age and Beginners English" re-
plying to the query, do you speak Eng
lish?" To the later questions, do you
read and writer" he answered, hope
fully, mot yet, but soon"
To the first question a lawyer
who gave his age as 29-replied with
great confidence, "Fluently"-and Il
could almost see him, trying his first
case, with spread eagle" oratory be-
fore Judge who would have to curtail
his eloquence from the start!
Another, replying to Can you read?
Writer" said, naively: 81 read this
paper and am writing these answers"
The young driver of milk wagon,
evidently content and happy, perhaps
with his first Job" printed in capitals
mo SIREEE" in answer to Were you
out OF work April 1902" while his
neighbor, half block away, and Sc
years old, who had probably never had
vacation, wrote TOO much work" in
reply to How many weeks were you
out of work in 1902" and another, also
near by, $50, and haven't found job
yet"
1t was a bachelor physician who said
he was Head, feet, and the whole
thing in his house, and man of rare
appreciation of his own position who
meekly wrote himself as My wife's
husband"
Another semi-humorist put his color
or race" on record as white as chalk"
using Ditto" for his wife!
More than one woman might have
answered as truthfully as one did to
the question: What is your business,
trade, profession, or occupations" In
valid" Can't you see her, keeping the
entire household on the "quivvy vivvy"
to wait on her, while she tries first
one school" and then another, one list
of remedies following another quick
succession?
And was the one who wrote Lady
to the same practical inquiry more ar
rogant and disdainful of labor, or sim
pering with "prunes and prisms?"
| What of the woman who answered
Single, married, widowed, or divorc-
ed?" Single, to my sorrow! Would like
to be widowed, and soon." Did she joke
or was she sincere? Uncle Sam may
be on the helping-hand side!
And the man, who gave his age
thirty-six, his wife's at forty-seven and
his years of present marriage twenty
eight? His other answers are intelli-
gent enough; but he ought not to ask
us to believe that when eight years old
he married nineteen-year-old girl.
Maybe it seemed that long.
Was it imagination that Dictated Vic
toria Eugene, Maria There, Leopold
Emanuel, George Washington, John
Adams Thomas Jefferson, Lucille and
Topsy," Thomas Jefferson, Lucille and
Mary Smith. l almost thought so, for
the man seemed too young-as we'll as
too cheerful, and too prosperous-to
have it anything more than dream
But the details were all there, with
each name.
Dignity was in the reply of the man
who wrote for wife and children, as to
occupation: None, support my fam
ily"-and he was street car conduc
tor!
Pathos crept into the 70-year-old
mans Just widowed" as tragedy did
in Divorced after thirty years mar
riage, damn mimi" and a mothers ten
derness was in the explanation Sick
after the mo" to do you speak Eng
lish?" for the little 6-year-old whose
older brothers and younger sisters
were all recorded "Yes."
Oh, Uncle Sam! Uncle SAM The
census does not reveal it all.-Phila
Public Ledger.
SSS-