Holbrook argus., 1910-09-06
JOSH'S GIN OPENER
INVENTION SURELY LOOKED
 LIKE A WINNER, BUT-
Marvellous Invention Was Brought to Nought Through Devices Of Naughty Burglar, While the School
 Teacher Wondered.

Dave, having chosen a fat cigar, be ing of methodical mind, rung up five cents on the cash register and seated himself with his heels on the stove. He blew a reflective cloud of smoke, which, Incidentally, all landed in H. ram James left eye. When the laughter occasioned among the com pany by Hiram's back somersault had died away, Dave, being king in his own bar, began:
 "Takin' bout cranks and bugs, don't know if any of youse boys knew Josh Jenks what used to live here way back some years. guess ye don't. Josh was the most alfred mechanical cuss I ever sot eyes upon. an that's sayin' no few. Always in- ventin' somethin', he were, except the way to make money, which was bad for Josh, not to mention trade. I took frien'ly interest in Josh, him bein' by way of distant relative of mine, and ofttimes of an afternoon Josh would look in an sit on that stool an talk, not that his talk was easy to get at, always bout triangles an dinny. mics, which took was to do with Tee tricity.
 Things was goin' bad with Josh, an was sayin' to myself that his in- ventin' fever was bout over, when he comes in one day wavin' a great can an plants 1t on the counter. I ducks under, thinkin, it was bomb the fool feller had, but when I sees nothin' doin' l pops up. lettin' on had been lookin' for cork. To, Josh,' says I. 'Dave,' says he, I've got 'em hip an thigh now. Behold Josh Jenks pat ent self-openin' can. Trademark, Opens at the word O commando
 Tt pears he had been readin' some kind of a kids book-'Ravin' Nights, or suthin' bout feller. Ally BAbby, what found . robbers cave chockfui of gold dust an joolry, an made the rocks open when he up an says the password of Open Seize Him. or some sich truck. Well, Josh's idear was to fix kin of talkin' machine to the preserve cans, to work back'ards, ye see, so that when ye says Open Seize Him into hole, the blamed thing gifts to worlxin' and of pops the lid all it's own. He gifts me to say the pass. word, an I'll be hanged, if the emery ol' thing don't give a click-click an act 'cordin' to the word. Great, 1t wes. an I lent Josh ten beans to git II patented, there bein' a ntIIe Iuear of me gittin' half profits.
 Then Josh takes 1t roun' to all the cannin' firms, an one on 'em was fool enough to take it on trial, the under. standin' bein' that Josh was to git ten thousan' If it were any good. There was no holdin' in Josh, an he spends all he has treatin' the boys an talkin' bout what he was goin' to do with the cash.
 Soon Josh's cans were on the mar ket, an spite of one Dutchie who come seekin' Johns blood, because he near starved to death on a Sunday owin' to him bein' unable to say Open Seize Him. all went with bells.
 Then the barrel bust Some blamed burglar got into Deacon Walk CTS store, where he had laid in bout . hundred dollars wuth of canned stuff with Josh's patent, an like doggoned edyut he reads the label, an to to test 1t, says Open Seize Him. an blame If all them cans didn't begin to go of like crackers. The neighbors, hearin' the noise, gits scared, thinks some varmint is gittin' ready to blast Gunville off the map an sails into deacon's store. The burglar gives a yell an gifts away by 6 back winder while the neighbors do bout s250 damage chasin' thro' the store.
 Deacon he comes down on the can company, an they comes down on Josh. lent Josh a dollar, an there must be a power of interest due, for to this here day I ain't set eyes on Josh. That were the last heard on him, though I guess he's hyin' alrs ships now under a nomdyplum."
 What kin of fxin' had Josh on the can?" said the school teacher.
 "Aw, go on!" said Dave. Another of them mechanical cusses. Closin' time, boys."-Judge.