Rocky Ford enterprise., 1910-02-04
CHAPTER xvII-continued

Gladly would he have died. In hope.
less, desperate fashion he prayed for
death. But something-intangibl
still held him from taking his own
life. He did not perceive that there
We're depths of misery lower than any
to which he had yet fallen. Had he
foreseen the trackless country over
which he was to wander, he would
have laid down his life in despair at
the outset. But the sight was merci-
fully withheld from him. and he
pressed steadily on, unloved and un-
loving. but hugging close to his heart
one delusive belief-loye was still In
the world. Not for him. but fox
others. life was still worth the living.
How or when this belief escaped
him he never knew. He awoke one
day to the awful conviction that even
this had been taken from him-that
nAthing remained between him and
absolute despair. He had been food.
How could any love-even rs pure as
theirs-how could even this make life
worth living7 II wss At best frail.
uncertain thing. liable to snap at any
moment and leave life empty. desc
late-likc his own. No. life was a
mistake. Derring could fancy II the
gift of some arch-hend who lay back.
laughing in his sleeve, rs from afar he
watched men rushing here and there,
pushing and scrambling. cheating,
swearing. dying-for what! For n
will-o-the.wisp. a mirage. child's
fable.
Thus despair took hold on him. But
have foreseen. II drove him towards
his fe,low-men. In his first grief he
had been moody and reserved. speak.
ing seldom and then only OF the most
matter-of-fact details OF work. Now
he sought companionship. He courted
conversation. But his conversation
was sharp and cynical in tone. No
subject was too sacred or too tender
for his wit. IL was as II the fiendI
had taken him far above and had
showed him that all is vanity and
vexation of spirit-trausient. fleeting.
beginning nowhere and ending in
nothinE-too trifang to mourn over
and surely not worth enthusiasm
Every one in the office felt the
change. Many a young fellow who
came under the lash OF his tongue
wondered vaguely what had come
over Derring. But no one guessed the
cause. For although he seemed so
open and blufr. he was more reserved
than ever.
Thus two. three-six years passed.
Then n change came over him. The
bitterness passed from his heart and
1eft only a great pity for mankind.
IL was n cruel thing to create n race
capable of suffering and condemn IL
TO n life of fruitless striving! The
hopelessness and the misery haunted
him-day and night. He became very
gentle. Even towards sin and vice he
showed leniency that surprised his
fellow-workcrs. His own grief had be-
come to him a very small thing-hard-
iy worth a hcart-throb in comparison
with the curse under which the hui.
man race struggled lie would gladly
have died to bring a ray OF light TO
men. He began to understand, dimIy.
that the sins OF the world may be laid
on one man But with the under.
standing came conviction OF the
hopclessncss. Every true man must
suffer. must stoop to take the burden
on his shollders-some TO bear 1t
even to a cruel death--but never
must one dare hope that because he
suffered another should be free.
For himself. as the years went by,
he questioned no more. Life and its
meaning had reduced itself to this
10 help those that are in truuble-this
much he had gathered from the
wreck. He knew that It was only a
fragment. a negative sort Of comfort
But II was better than the blank
apathy OF indifference. 1t was some
tkinG to live for.