davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
CARPET SWEEPER TOO NOISY.
Dealer Left with Memory Of Good
Joke to Compensate Him for
Loss Of Sale.


A hardware dealer In town tells q
story about prim old lady who came
into his store the other day to pur.
chase q carpet sweeper She gazed
here and there about the store as she
entered, and finally going up to the
dealer she looked at him quizzically
over her glasses and asked: do you
keep carpet sweepers?"
Eyes, madam" replied the dealer
and naming the two kinds which he
had in stock, asked which she de.
sired.
WELL" said the lady, you may
show me both kinds, If you will"
Just moment, madam, until get
them from the rear Of the store" And
with that he went to an obscure cor.
ner and took down the carpet-sweepers
from their hooks upon the wall.
It happened that in front Of one Of
the makes which he desired there was
lawn mower so hung that he had to
move It. He took 1t down from the
hook and as he did so 1t rolled along
the floor with grinding rattle.
Before he had time to turn around
he heard the old lady shout from the
front OF the store: THAT makes more
noise than my old one, and I don't
care to look at II" and SO saying, she
whisked out to the door, leaving the
dealer to wonder whether the joke was
worth the loss Of the ale.--Portland
Express.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07

Sick Wife Aroused by Contemplation
Of Her Successor.

'William, DEAR" feebly called the
invalid wife, who was supposed to be
nearing the end Of her earthly career.
"Yes, darling" answered the sorrow.
ing husband. "What is it,"
when l am gons," said she, II feel
that for the sake Of the motherless
little ones you should marry again."
do you really think It would be
best. darling?" asked the faithful
William.
Eyes. William. I really do," replied
the invalid. after reasonable length
Of time you should seek the compan.
iNcship Of some good woman"
do you know, my DEAR" said the
husband, that you have lifted great
burden from my mind? Now, there Ii
that charming widow Jones across the
way. She has acted rather friendly
toward me ever since you were taken
I'll. OF course, dear, she could never
hll your place, but she is young, plump
and pretty, and I'm sure she would do
her best to lessen my grief"
william Henry Brown!" exclaimed
the female whose days were supposed
to be numbered, as she partly raised
herself upon the pillow, III you ever
dare install that red-headed, freckle-
faced, squint'eyed hussy in my shoes.
And then she tainted.
But the next day Mrs. Brown was
able to sit up, and two days later she
vas downstairs.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
A Sad Case.

An Atchison man has lain In an un-
conscious state ever since ten o'clock
last night. Everything has been done
to arouse hin, but all efforts are un.
availing. His friends are greatly
alarmed; they fear he may never re-
gain consciousness. 1t seemed that
yesterday evening right after diner
the man picked up his hat, put on his
overcoat and, although his wife was
sitting right in the room, she did not
say, where are you going% He
walked out Of the house. At ten o'clock
In the evening the man returned. He
walked into the room where his wife
sat and took off his hat and overcoat
She smiled at him pleasantly and did
not say, where have you been?" The
man fell unconscious to the floor
Atchison Globe.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
MERE INCIDENT IN FOOTBALL.
Broken Collar Bone, Supposed to Be
Enemy's, Considered a Detail
Of the Game.

There had been hotly contested
football game between the Steam Roll
ers of the Benjamin Franklin schoo
and the Avalanches Of the Geor~c
Washington school. After the gane
was over and the contestants had re-
turned to their various homes one Of
the heroes Of the winning team con.
planned of feeling of soreness in the
lower part Of his neck.
Il didn't feel 1t until just now" he
said; but 1t hurts like sixty!"
His father examined 1t. 1t began TO
swell, and was very sore to the touch.
II believe your collar bone Is bro
ken, my boy" said his father.
A surgeon was hastily summoned.
and made an examination.
YES" he said, "the bone is frac-
tured. How did it happen, Walter?
Do you remember anything about IT,"
"Why, yes" answered the boy. "I
remember that when l tackled Skinny
Morgan fell on top of him, and |
heard something crack, but I thought
1t was his collar bone" youths Com
panion.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
HAD HER LIKES AND plsLiKEs.
Woman's Tastes Not Satisfied with
What Was "Good for Her.

A young society matron who gives
one day week to philanthropic work
undertook class for training mothers
under my direction. In reality 1t was
. class in cooking, for the young ma
ron is an enthusiast upon proper com.
binations Of wholesome food. The
women came and listened, and then
suggested that the homes should be
visited to see what had been accom-.
plished.
One day she called upon one Of her
class in the early morning. The won.
an was frying cakes in deep fat.
"Oh, DEAR" said the young matron,
"why don't you cook oatmeal for the
children, as l showed you? You know
the cakes are not good for you"
"No'm," cheerfully agreed the
woman, as she tapped the cakes upon
. platter. IT know, know. But don't
like what's good for me. likes what
I like"
And the society matron has started
Q sewing class.-New York Times.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Getting Into Practice.

It is often pleasanter to theorize
than to perform. A young law student,
says a writer in the Philadelphia In.
quirer, was making a study of certain
processes Of his future profession. He
showed an inclination to sit in the
house and speculate idly, instead of
doing some Of the domestic tasks
which stood waiting.
Deduction is an Interesting proc
ess," declared the youth to his ia.
ther. For example, there is a heap
Of ashes in the yard. That is evi-
dence that the family has recently had
fires"
well, john" interrupted his "a
ther, Suppose you pursue your stud
les a little farther by going out and
sitting that pile of s."-Youth's
Companion.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Terms for Inebriety,

According to Hotten, some of the
terms denoting inebriety are as fol-
lows: Beery, bemused, boozy, bosky,
corned, foggy, fou, fresh, hazy, ele-
waited, kisky, lushy, moony, muggy,
muzzy, on, screwed, stewed, tight and
why. In an intermediate class stand
podgy, beargered; blued, cut, primed,
lumpy, plowed, muddled, obfuscated,
swipey, three sheets in the wind and
topheavy. But the acme" says the
same authority, rs only obtained
when the disguised individual can't
see hole in the ladder, or when he
is all mops and brooms, or off his
nut or with his main-brace we'll
spliced,' or with the sun in his eyes,
or when he has Tapped the gutter and
got the gravel rash,' or on the ran
TAM, or on the re-raw,' or when he is
'sewed up or regularly scammered.'"
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Following IlIustrlous ExamnIs.

An art student in Berlin wrote re-
Gently to a brewing concern in Bohe.
mia, offering to paint for the brew,
ers pictures suitable for advertising
purposes-artistic, appropriate, at
tractive and cheap" He goes on to
say: "Sir John Millais was not above
taking 10000 marks from a soapma
ker for one Of bis paintings, to be
used as an advertisement. Nor DID
he hesitate to offer other pictures for
the same purpose at the same price.
Why should not I, who owe my tailor,
and who fear to look my landlady in
the face, not do the same? Stayl /
shall do better. Am willing to take
less than 10000 marks for my best
work"
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
A Weed That steals oystera.

A seaweed has invaded. the oyster
beds Of France and carried Off 100000
oysters. It has carried them off bod
fly, as thief would do.
The minute seeds of this weed float
up the English channel in the current
of the Gulf stream, they settle on
oysters in the Breton beds of Morbi-
han, Quiberon and Belle-Isle, and they
grow to the size Of a ducks egg.
They are full Of water, but at ma
turity the water evaporates, and air
takes its place. The egg-shaped sea-
weed is then balloon, and like a bal.
loon 1t HTS Its oyster from the bottom
aud bears 1t out to sea.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Simple Arithmetic.

A Philadelphian of some scientific
attainments was one evening poring
over the wine list at his club, when
hts interest was excited by the prices
shown.
Barker" said he to the waiter, II
observe that the list offers some sher.
ry at rs cents and some at four dol
lars. Now, what is the difference be-
tween the brands?"
The waiter looked surprised. beg
pardon, sir" said he, with that frank.
ness permitted an old servant, "but It
does seem remarkable that such ahigh-
ly educated gentleman can't do a SIM
pie bit Of arithmetic like thatl"-Har-
Der's Magazine.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
INFORMATION FOR VOTERS.

In order to correct an erroneous
impression regarding the waterworks
bonds. the City Council has given out
the following statement. The origin
Il intent to vote 100000 has been
repealed. The vote now for water.
works will be $4,000 for the pur-
chase Of the Mains and hydrants Of
the present company, and $5l, 1000
for building new power house, and
the hepurchase Of machinery and for
extensions.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
The Last straw.

"Say, paw" queried small Tommy
Toddles, why do they always put Ia
8 scythe when they make a picture Of
Father Timer"
1T is intended to represent the
shortness Of life, my son." answered
Toddles, Sr. Time cuts people down,
you know"
"But, paw" continued TommE
when Time shall be no mower, he'ii
drop his scythe, won't he7"
Speaking Of time, young man" saia
the father. You 90 up and tell your
mother It's time 70 put yOu to bed
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Dickens Method Of SPEAKING.

Before making speech Charles
Dickens would decide on his various
heads and then in his minds eye lik.
en- the whole subject to the tire of a
cart wheel-he being the hub. From
the hub to the tire he would run az
many spokes as there were subjects
to be treated and during the progress
Of the speech he would deal with each
spoke separately, celebrating them as
he went round the wheel; and when
all the spokes dropped out one by one
and nothing but the tire and space re-
mained he would know that he had
accomplished his task and that his
speech was at an end.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07

VIII trade for mules or cattle REQ tour
Ing oar 1909 Model, been run about
three months. Is In new condition.
@. M. RoBERTs.
Have you tried our meat marketp II
not 1t would pay you to do 50. We keep
every thing kept In first class market.
Yours to please, sam Stubbs.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
Noice to Farmers,

I have a number Of Farmers Bull
Lotions for free distribution that are
instructive and I believe will prove
beneficial to any that will read them.
Persons desiring any one or all Of
them who will drop card addressed
to me at Washington, D. @. will
promptly receive such as are desired
and ordered. Ihave selected the fol-
lowing numbers and subjects that, in
my judgment will be Of greatest
interest and benefit to the farmers Of
my district. Please order by num-
Der and topic.
Farmers Bulletin No. AZ. Facts
About Milk.
Farmers Bulletin No. So. Care OF
Milk on Farm.
Farmers Bulletin No. I39. Emmer
A Grain for Semiarid Regions.
Farmers Bulletin No. ia. Broom
Corn
Farmers Bulletin No. ITO. Horse
shoeing.
Farmers Bulletin No. 2O5. Pig
Management.
Farmers Bulletin No. 236. Incuba
ton and Incubators.
Farmers Bulletin No. 3I8. Cowpeas.
Farmers Bulletin No. 339. Alfalfa.
Farmers Bulletin No. 372. Soy
beans.
Bureau Of Chemistry Circular No.
i. The Manufacture Of Sorghum
Syrup.
Forest Service (Burean OF For
Testry), Circular No. 81: How to cul.
tivate and care for Forest Plantations
aon the semi-arid plains.
Bureau Of Plant industry Circular
No. "a: Alfalfa in Cultivated Rows for
Seed Production in Semiarid Regions
Yearbook paper No 1876 (Reprinted
from the Yearbook for 19OO) Sue
scessful Wheat Raising in Semiarid
Districts.
Yearbook paper No. 46I Reprint-
ed from the Yearbook for 1907,
Dryland Farming in the Great
Plains Area.
Yearbook Paper No. 495 reprint
ed from the Yearbook for 1909, Soil
Mulches for Checking Evaporation.
Yearbook Paper No. 497 reprint
ed from the Yearbook for I9OSl A
Directory for Farmers.
e. Fl. Madison, M. @.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07

After dinner mints, cream dates, choco-
late trilbys, marshmallows at 10 cents o
pound at Stubbs' Out Price Grocery.
For Sale-24O acres Of fine bottom land
One half mile from Railroad station.
Price $500 per acre. Terms apply 10
e. s. Adam, 300 Chestnut Street, Dodge
City, Kansas. ~
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
American Girls Responsible,

Probably the American woman Ia
answerable for q good deal of the
unrest among the daughters Of France
for she comes among them with all
sorts Of daring projects and perfectly
lovely clothes. She marries their
brothers, she studies art, music and
literature in their country and she
walks serenely on along the path OF
liberty, to the amazement Of men,
angels and the Partisan. The Queen,
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07

Go to the Dodge City Loan Office for
small Loans.
For rent or sale--Two good farms, 4
miles east. Also one good farm A miles
north Of town. Ground for spring crop
P.H. Young.
Let us figure on your next bill Of gro
cerles you buy. II we are not 10 per
cent lower buy from the other fellow
Sam Etubbs, Out Price Grocer.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
ONE DOLLAR A YEAR IN ADVANCE
OFFICIAL COUNTY AND CITY PAPER
ANNOUNCEMENTS.
FOR SHERIFF..

The Globe Republican Is authorized to an
ncunce the name Of W. s. Marion for the Re-
publican nomination for sheriff of Ford
County, subject to the Primary election.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
FOR PROBATE JUDGE.

I hereby announce myself as Candidate
for re- election to the office of Probate Judge
ud Ford County. Kansas, subject 10 the de-
cision Of the Republican primaries In Au.
gust, 1910.
W. H. PRESTON.
The Globe-republican., 1910-04-07
No the Republican votsrs Of Ford County

/ hereby announce myself as candidate
1or the nomination Of Probate Judge. sub
5ect to your decision at the next primary
'1lecfion to be held August I'd 1910.
H. H. WELLS.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03

visiting at Leon Lucky's at Wilder.
Clayton Swail is spending two weeks
in Sawyerville, P. @.
Mrs. A. L. F'inney recently visited
her daughter, Mrs. Harry White, at
Fitch Bay, P. @.
Miss Hattie Carpenter of Ramsey,
N. J., has recently been visiting
friends and relatives in town.
Charles Fisher has been receiving
a visit from his sister, Mrs. Frank In
gals and two children of Lexington,
Mass.
The series of illustrated lectures
being given in the Methodist church
by the pastor, Rev. John Jones, are
drawing large crowds. On Sunday
evening he took his congregation on
a tour through Italy and followed the
immigrant from that sunny country
across the Atlantic and through Ellis
Island to his future abiding place in
Gary, Ind, the mines of Illinois and
Little Italy, in Chicago.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
WELLS RIVER.

Willard GOss is the conductor in
charge of an excursion train to the
far West and expects to be away sew
era1 weeks.
H. T. Baldwin came home last week
but returned to Caspian lake Monday.
Mr. and Mrs. George Parker, Mr.. and
Mrs. Ray Farwell and Mrs. William
Kicker, who were guests there of Mr..
and Mrs. Baldwin for a week, came
home last week.
Carl Morse, who with his wife and
daughter came to spend his vacation
with Mrs. Morse's parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. Allison, returned to New Jersey
last week. Mrs. Morse and daughter
will remain in town several weeks
longer.
Mr.. and Mrs. c. D. Root of Spring
field, Mass, who have been at Lake
Morey two weeks came to DR.. Mum
sells last week.
Mrs Bertha Butler went to West
Lebanon last week to stay a few days
with her father.
Miss Amelia jain. who went to
Miss Bessie Lee and was taken i'll
soon after arriving there, is still I'M
able to come home.
Mrs. William Goss and little daughter
and Margaret Jameson spent last
week with friends in Barton.
DR.. H. H. Lee is spending a week
or more in New York.
During August and September there
will be no Sunday evening preaching
service in the Congregational church.
but the G. E. meetings will be held
at the usual hour.
Mr. and Mrs. Sheldon and Doris
George spent Sunday at Halls pond
The annual fair of the L. A. S.,
mentioned last week, is to be Thurs
day afternoon and evening, August
18th. Those having aprons for sale
will please hand them to Mrs. Myers
as soon as possible and articles for the
fancy table to Mrs. Hale.
The next regular meeting of Col.
Preston w. r. G. will be August 18th,
as there will be but one meeting dur
ing the month.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
EAST ST. JOHNSBURY.

Miss Rose Lucia and Miss Carrie
Griswold have gone to Ravinia, Ill,
where they will spend the most of
this month with friends.
Mr.. and Mrs. R. G. GriswoId are
spending few days in New York
City.
Mrs. Rufus Case, wife of the first
pastor of the Congregational church
in this village, died July II, in Hub
bardston, Mass, aged SO years.
Miss Mertie HOvey is spending a
few weeks at Lake Willoughby.
Mrs. Charles Owens is quite i'll with
inflammation of the bowels.
The shop formerly occupied by Will
liam Hovey is being remodeled into a
creamery
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03

Fred Goslant was at Cabot last
week.
Mrs Clyde Mclaughlin went to
Groton Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. George Smith were at
West Danville and Cabot last week.
Joseph Hunter and Herbert Gibson
were at Ryegate last week.
George Smith of East Peacham is
spending a week at Cabot, PIainfeld,
Montpelier and Curtis pond.
E. D. SomerS was at DanVille We'd
nesday.
Dr. A. J. Mackey went to Brattle-
boro and Montpelier to attend health
officers school Monday.
The young people are camping at
Parker FIagg was at Littleton a few
days last week.
Mrs. Harriet Swanson is caring for
Mrs. Wilfred Wilson and infant
daughter.
July 21, to Mr.. and Mrs. Wilfred Will
son.
Miss Geneva Chandler is assisting
in the Molly Falls central office.
The ball game Saturday between
the East Part Sentinels and the Green
Bay Guards resulted in a score of 26
to 5 in favor of East Part. The game
after dinner between the West Bar
nets and Peacham stood to in
favor of West Barnet. The Ladies'
Aid cleared SLABS from their dinner
and sale of ice cream.
Mr.. and Mrs. Clarence Bailey of
Bradford visited their mother, Mrs.
Nelson Bailey, last week.
Mrs. Harriet Blanchard of Omaha,
Neb., is visiting her sister, Mrs. Nell
son Bailey.
The Methodist Sunday school are
planning a picnic and ball bame at
Mud pond Friday, August IL.
Charles Williams has been quite
sick for few days.
Miss Chevle of Gaysville, Ohio, is
visiting Miss Mary Mclaughlin.
The N. E. o. P. held open meeting
Friday evening with Mr.. and Mrs.
Harrison Mclaughlin. There were
present from out of town Mr.. Pea
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
Lougee & Smythe.

body, deputy supreme warden; Mr..
Hill of Burlington, grand warden;
Mr.. and Mrs. Hooker of ST. Johns
bury, grand vice warden; and Mrs.
Heath. About AZ were present. Re
freshments~ of cake, coffee and ice
cream were served and all enjoyed
a fine social time.
John Bloomfield of Column bus, Ohio,
is visiting his sister, Mrs. John Var
mum.
Philip Hebb of Johnson is a guest
at F. G.. Chambers.
Mrs. J. S. Medirros of Boston is
visiting her sister, Mrs. Harry
Quimby.
Miss GoIdie Taylor is visiting friends
at Concord, N. H.
Congressman Charles L. Tirrell,
who died at Natick, Mass, Sunday
morning, will be remembered by
some of the older residents as a.
former very popular principal of
Peacham academy.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
The Record Of 81 Years

l. Since it began business in 1943, The
Mutual Life Insurance Company of New
York
Has paid to policyholders
1891 ,412, 264 SO
Has accumulated for pol
icyholders $50, O2O, 1O6.97
Total benefits to policy
holders aggregate 81 ,449, 49,, 371.35
In 81 years it has received
from policyholders ,3O4, 251 1855
The excess of benefits to
policyho1ders is $145, $50, 912.SO
2. That is to say, in the 81 years of
it's existence The Mutual Life has paid to
po1icyholders, and has accumulated for
po1icyholders, more than $145, 100000
in excess of all that it has received from
policyholders. The gain has. of course,
accrued chiefly from earnings on invested
funds.
8. During it's career its total payments
to policyholders have exceeded those of
any other company by over $185, 0OO,
900.
4. Since organization the Company
has paid in cash dividends to policyhold-
ers the sum of Sal, S77, 5OO.96. This is
greater than any other company has
paid in dividends by more than
$2O,OoO,oOO.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
The Best Hour of Life

is when you do some great deed or
discover some wonderful fact. This
hour came to ]. r. Pitt, OF Rocky
Mt, \. c. when he was suffering IN
tensely. as he says, from the worst
cold I ever had, 1 then proved to my
great satisfaction, what wonderful
Cold and Cough cure DR.. Kings New
Discovery is. For, after taking one
bottle, I was entirely cured. You
can't say anything too good of q
medicine like that" It's the surest
Hemorrhages, La Grippe, Asthma,
Hay Fever-any Throat or Lung Troub-
lie. soc, 500. Trial bottle free.
Guaranteed by Flint Bros. and F. G..
Landry.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
Connecticut and PaSSumpSiC
Rivers Railroad Company.
Notice of Stockholders Annual reeting.

Notice OF StOckhOIders AnnuaI IIeetIng
The stockholders of the Connecti-
cut and Passumpsic Rivers Railroad
Company are hereby warned and
notified to meet at the Newport house
in Newport, in the County of Orleans,
and State of Vermont on Wednesday
the 18th day of September, A. D. 1910,
at o'clock in the forenoon, for the
following purposes. viz
LIST. To elect a board of nine di-
rectors.
that may properly come before the
meeting.
Dated at ST. Johnsbury, in the
county of Caledonia, and state of
Vermont, this second day of August,
A. D. 1910.
By order of the Board of Directors.
HARRY BLODGETT,
secretary.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1910-08-03
One ~ eek
Of Bargains

Read these items carefully and see you Can't
the amount of half days pay things
that you actually Obliged to
LotWhite Dress Skirts. were 81. 90 to 49, 69C each
Lot ChLdren'S Summer Hats. IL price
Lot Ladies' Csc Cloves l5C per pair
Lot Ladies' II 1-2C hose. 3 prs for Csc
Lot Ladies White Waists ST rs all this
Lot Ladies' soc COrSetS, sizes only Is and 10, Csc
ChdenS Knitted Vests l5C grades
| Lot Lace and Insertion, good l0C value SC yd.
Lot Lace and Insertion. good Sc value. Sc yd.
All of 81 90 KmOnoS 69C Cd.
Lot Ladies Misses piece White IL
10 boz. extra good Work Waists tcolorsl 45C
SO DOz. IL 2C HuCk Towels.
| Lot Union Suits small sizes. WereSl.OO 49C
l Lot Ladies EquipoSe Waists IL price
Special prices Ladies Long Black Silk Coats. These
Goods almost all but the lots broken and
the season for fall goods is near hand and
the and need the money.