davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

and things on trays around the tables of
the Tenderloin lobster palaces. in which
they have Sentleman's agreement with
the head waiter-meaning certain per-
centage of the net for the latter
Rloomcrstcin / found, entertans the
opinion, and presents facts TO prove il.
that the hossiest seeming male Tender
loiners, when accompanied by female per-
sons. are the merest invertebrates.
Every night in the week l stick up
dozens of en-, Rloomerstein told me,
and most of EN- fall so easy that
wonder how they ever had the noive to
get the coin I take away from them. On
the level it's like sticking up wop's
layout of plaster figures And it's the
wisest, happiest glugs that are the can
.liest faIlers for a hold-up when they've
got their dolls along with 'em. It's nat
ural, of course, for gink to want to look
like the large cheese when his squeen is
sitting the other side of the table
twisting her rings sos 10 show them off !,
hut at that I put something over on
these wise guys that make me feel as If
I'd been canght chucking snowballs at a
blind woman in d Paisley shawl
See the violets on this tray? Well.
they been in cold storage so long that
they wouldn't hand YOU back a per-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

vantages OF a better geographical knowl-
edge.
In giving statistics Of the proposed
map. Sir Charles reminded his hearers
that the diameter of the earth is about
5000 miles its circumference at the
equator being between 24,0O and 5000
miles. He explained that TO construct a
map which should show the earth its
diameter would have to be one hundred
and twenty-five feet, which would make
il as high as fve-story building.
This. OF course, is not the plan OF the
mapmakers. Such map would be too
cumbersome 10 have any value.
Instead. following the plan mapped out
by the geographical conference at Berne.
the map will be split into sheets, each
sheet comprising an area of four de-
tude or 40 geographical miles in one di-
rection and $50 miles in the other.
Reducing this TO inches it will be seen
that each sheet will be fifteen inches
wide by about twenty-five and one-half
inches deep. There will necessarily be a
huge pie of these sheets. II the whole
area of the earth. oceans and all. be COW
cred there will be ). 400.
Naturally no one country could attempt
this piece of map-making alone. for to do
this would he to repeat the errors that
used to be made in the bygone centuries
when for personal advantage map-mak-
ers Of various nations twisted the out
lines of the earth in order TO suit their
own purposes.
But backed BY the united power of yir-
tualIy every nation of the earth the map
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

The intrepid Vasco de Cana. making
the circuit of Africa. is another limo
vator whose place in history is secure.
and the same can BE said of the amazing
Magellan. who had a career that will ever
men was the first who ever circumnavi-
gated the globe. an exploit that in point
OF Its dramatic adventures, his varied eN-
perience and the great geogra phical truth
1t established. must ever rank him with
the supremacy great of the worlds geog-
raphers.
Sir Walter Raleigh made his contribu-
ton. SO did Clark and Lewis in a later
period when they made their memorable
trip to the northwest.
Joined together in fame and in the
men whose achievements must ever stand
notably in the conquest OF Africa, DIR.
Livingstone and Stanley.
Livingstone was an Englishman born
and bred, while Stanley was born in the
United States, though his great fame was
won as a British subject.
The dramatic incidents of the life of the
two men are we'll known. Livingstone,
lost in the heart of Africa in his quest
for the headwaters of the Nile, was be-
lieved to be dead Stanley was sent into
the interior to find Livingstone. lie had
a task OF herculean proportions, hut he
succeeded, and thereafter he also devoted
himself to Investigating the dark CONT
nent. What Is known of the interior of
Africa represents in large measure the
work Of these two men.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

latto maiden il she'd wash the windows
about every Fourth of July or Christmas,
anyhow? Now. don't you tell me to 'sh-
sh-sh.' I'm not afraid Of her hearing me.
Let her hear me. I'm not knuckling to
any Ethiopian that I have to shuck out
my good coin to, and if she's rubbering
on my words from the kitchen you'll no.
tice that my knees are not shaking il
you're a good noticer. If you're afraid
to tell her that I want these windows
washed the first thing tomorrow morning
after I get out of here. then I'm not
afraid to break that hfdeous news to her.
And. say. how long has this hot-water
spigot in the bathtub been out of Whack
like this? I thought I'd been hearing
water dr.bblng in the bathroom for
five or six months of nights How's that?
It only began to leak that way yesterday.
and you told the janitor about it right
away, and he said he'd get new washer
for the spigot at once? Oh. of course.
you'd say that. You've got the little old
answer ready to rap out almost before
get through talking. haven't you? All
the same, I've heard that water running
from the leaky hot-water spigot in the
bathtub for months and months, and it
has often kept me awake of nights.
suppose You think it is up to me to keep
an eye out for all these things and to
run around like a chicken with its head
cut off, attending to them? It's not enough
for you. I suppose. that | have TO work
like dog downtown. year in and year
out. to keep out of the poorhouse.
Now. just look at the condition OF
this medicine cupboard in the bathroom.
Bottles scattered around every which
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

memorable trip from Palos in his three
caravels. landed in the Bahamas, and
took possession or the new world for the
honor and glory of his Spanish sovereigns
This was the golden age of discovery.
for in this period in hundred years, dat
ing for instance from 1890. anna zing
amount of geographical information was
gained. the more credit to its principals,
because of the inadequate equipment OF
that day compared to what is available
now.
To sound the glories OF that period It
is necessary to tell of the Cabots MAX
ing their trip to Newfoundland and the
mainland. of Sir Francis Drake opening
new territory. Of the gallant America
Vespucci. whose was the fate to take the
laurels Of Columbus and have the new
continent named after him for no other
reason than that because he was the
first to make an adequate map OF the
new world. Henry Hudson would AT
impressively into recital OF the tri-
umphs won for the worlds knowledge by
discoveries, and in other parts of the
world come the advances made by Capt.
John Smith. the great leader OF Virginia:
Ponce de Leon, the discoverer OF Florida
fountain of eternal youth: De Soto, get
ting his first look at the greatest river
on the continent, the lordly Mississippi;
Marquette making his exploration Of the
central west. must all have a place Of
high honor in the list OF those who have
contributed to the work Of map building.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

Miss swuppkins made up her mind to
let 'em twit.
she was some twittist herself. when it
came to that, and she was entirely will
ing that the twitting thing should be re-
ciprocal.
Well. a day or so after Christmas. 1908.
Miss Swuppkins went down on + street
and staked herself, by purchase. to one
Of the cunninest diary books buyable for
coin.
1t was diary book about eight by four
teen inches, bound in nice sweet-smelling
morocco leather. with the legend, my
DIARY. 1902" In gilt letters right in the
middle of the leather cover. Four pages
of the lovely diary book were devoted to
each day. with the date printed at the top
of each page in nice red letters of script
Then. having often read the alluring
fountain pen advertisements in the Stah-
yeah pa pe-advertsing rates on app'ica-
ton at the counter-Miss Swuppkins
picked out the kind of fountain pen
that she wanted and some ink w1erewth
to keep it filled.
She took her purchases home. where.
of course, they were seen by the pryinR
eyes Of members OF the Swuppkins family.
The Swuppkins family jeered.
The Swuppkins family hooted
The Swuppkins family derided.
Miss Swuppkins' brothers. particularly.
threw back their heads and laughed
longly, loudly and raucousy.
Can ye beat it," said Miss Swupp-
kins brothers unto each other, in their
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

under the date January the first, 1909 .
She began the diary in the way usual
to young women when they begin diaries
II have made up my mind to keep q
diary of my thoughts and actions for the
coming year. and, etc, etc. We shall
not intrUde further upon the thoughts
thus set down Of an estimable maiden.
Miss Swuppkins sat at her desk for
about an hour, writing in her diary. She
was very sleepy. and all like that, but
she kept right on writing i'm her diary. all
the same. because she had made up her
mind to do that. and that's all there was
to it.
On the following night also Miss
Swuppkins wrote up her diary after COM
ing home from the theater.
At the end OF two weeks
But wait a minute
We hate TO disappont.
We don't like to disilluson.
Therefore we advise the G. reader to
wait a minute for the reason that
we know that this little narrative about
Miss Swuppkins and her diary is going
to end entirely diffe rently from the way
the e. reader thinks it is going to end.
There Is. We acknowledge. every reason
on earth why the g. reader should take it
for granted that it is going to end in the
usual funnyistical Way-that is, that 1t is
going to be shown how. after two weeks or
so, Miss Swuppkins. like all the rest Of
the diary keepers through the ages, found
the diary-keeping gag a bore and a nui-
sance, and how she began by neg!ecting
it first for a day and then for two or
three days at a stretch, the entries be-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08
dP COMPLIMENTS HIS WIFE ON HER HOUSEKEEPING atc

anous, at that. Burnt a hole in it with
his cigar. did he? Well. why didn't
happen to see him do it, Where was I
when it was coming off? Up on the roof?
Playing beanbag or jacks down in the
basement with the janitors young 'uns?
Pretty likely story that. ] don't think
And If he set the curtain afire with his
cigar. how was 1t that the whole business
didn't catch fire and burn the place
down?
And look a-here. this is a pretty bum
looking rug in front of the gas logs.
BY the way, didn't I give you the money
some time ago to get another rug In
place OF this one? Oh, knew blamed
we'll you wouldn't remember 1t. OF course.
you wouldn't remember But l remem-
her perfectly we'll handing You a fifteen
dollar note ard asking you to go down
and get another rug in place of this
frazZled old WORKOUT thing. OF course.
though, it's pure f1ppancy on my part
to mention the circumstance to you
now You couldn't be expected to re-
member it.
LAS far as that's concerned. all that
a married woman should be asked to do is
to eat and sleep and buy millinery and go
to the theater five or six times a week
and so on. She shouldn't be required to
do anything in the make-good line. 1t
would be a shame and a scandal to
cream of asking the woman who bears
your name and keeps YOU tied down and
sewed UP to make good at anything. I'm
an idiot for even talking about such
a thing.
Now. just look at the dust on this
piano. Looks as if it had been left in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

cheap skates who'd only pay me two
bits per toss for these carnations-they
cost me cent apiece-wnen they first
sit down at their table will come across
for bone for about two Of em-ye-eh.
ay-hout two-after they We licked up their
share Of the Tiffany water. It's the dolls
with the knowing glugs that make the
business. I couldn't sell an orchid
night for a cent throw to tine he-gang
if they didn't have their squeens with
'em. That's why man peddlers Of flowers
never go into eating plants where men
only eat. They'd only get bawled out
and the boss would hear the Davis ana
toss the reddlers into the middle Of the
car track. The squeens it is that make
my little graft good. They're all Tor
posies all the time. Of course. They're Tor
everything they can get. see?
X x
They'll make the dub with 'em stake
'em to an armfu Of flowers just by look
ing at 'em in that You better had way
that they know so we'll how to pull. Then
they'll 70 home and stick the flowers In
the wash pitcher. and in the morning the
cold storage bloomers look ii they'd
been blown on by Sahara wind or held
too close to the gas logs.
Sure thing. the fall guys hate me.
They'd like to kick an eye out Of me
every time they see me swing along to-
ward their tables. I can almost hear
some Of EN- grinding their teeth when
they pipe me coming. But I don't mind
that stuff. In fact, like it. When their
wicks begin to blaze when they see me.
why. know they're hating me because
they know they'll have to buy. Well, L
ease over to the corner where the spine
less glug is talking to his ring-twisting
matey with the puffs and things, and l
pull the grin that the collector for the
hand-organ outfit hands you when he
looks up at the window where you're
sitting
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

back in the month Of October when I
was in here conducting "a careful and
tidy search for the document Nou' IL al
luding TO, and I've never been in this
miserable kennel since
-.
Now. just look at the strings dan
Cling from that mandolin over there in
the cozy corner. Is that your idea Of
what they call artistic negligence? Well.
IL 1t is permit me to take issue with YOU
on the point. 1t looks sloppy and ornery
to me- Look at the rip at the end Of
TINS sofa pillow. First thing YOU know
the featherSll be dropping out of tha
thing and scattering all over tie pl;ic,.
How that? It's not stuffed with f.atll-
ers: Well. You don't have to pick me
10 pieces there. either. Whatever il is
stuffed with Will be dropping out in Il
litter all over the place. and YOU could
save All mat. couldn't you, with about
four little stitches or are Won too
tired? Or perhaps you'd like me IL mt
on a thIinble and thread a needle ana
sew UP the sofa pillows after Il hard
DAY grinding down town, hey?
But. SlllickS, what's the use" YOU'RE
the prize housekeeper and no lniS,ake--
that IL. considering how little time Won
nave To devote 10 housekeeping. You
really haven't any time worth ni..iiiaa-
lng-only twelve or fourteen spar. hours
or so a day. 1t would be = shame Ia
ask you 10 fatigue yourself 50 let
things go. Let 'em rip / don't care.
Everythins's all right-it's got to he, I
suppose,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

Sure I've got change for ten-sot
change for anything. Some of them Try
to pull that century bill bluff on me. by
the way. when they're trying TO duck
buying the girl any flowers. Got change
for a hundred?' they chop at me. Yes.
sir. says !. every time when they try 10
slip ME that one. and I've always got IL,
too. Often they haven't got the hundred.
and then they look hang-dog when they
have to slip me smaller bill
so take this guys eight beans away
from him. and for about an hour and
quarter after pull that comedy on him
he's so sore inside OF him that he hardly
hears what his doll is saying. though, of
course, he's got to keep the grin creaSes
on his map all the time.
occasionally the tight-mitts try to
stall the doll by unloading cracks about
the flowers I'm packing around.
law. say: YOU don't want to get any
O. that junk one OF this kind chops at
the girl. Wait till tomorrow and I'll
send YOU up some real flowers. The stuff
that this guy is peddling around here
has been sticking around in a bum tene-
ment house icebox for ten or twelve
years. and
Then. Of course. I rap in. looking
humble hut hurt about it.
"''Scuse me. sir says I, but these
flowers came down from Westchester
county dollhouse on a late evening
train
That. OF course. is all the bull. but I
like to stick 1t in hard when a close-roll
tries to dance me that way.
Why. they're just as fresh and sweet
as they can be. and how could they he
that way in tenement house?' sings in
the squeen then. and the tightwad does
the squirm thing in his chair. and
know I've got him.
Maybe. though. he keeps on fighting
just little bit.
"'Dye know you're liable to get some
kind Of a disease buying flowers from
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

70
ID

doesn't want 70 grind me into frankfurt
ers ar anything tren Well
Have Non got everything" IL SAYS
10 the girl. beginning II ! ad the WaN
out.
But shes for flowers. yoE know. She
all for flowers. SHE'S sti!l picking en-
up off the tray and then putting ch}
down again.
Aren't they jus, pretty as can
be- she says. sort a wistfuilN.
oh, flowers. hey" SAYS the glGG 'hcn,
turning around il he'd seen tho layous
for the first time. lie looks a. II he'd
like ia bamboo a couple . pounds -
cyanide OF mercury or something to my
system. but by this time he's nailed IT,
doll. You know. j. sin looking AZ tie
posies. Flowers. hey lie repeats. Want
some. little one 10 the girl.
..He asks that on tho bare hope that
maybe she'll say that. after all. -"
suesses she doesn't want any But she
They always want "Nerytn ins that farN
can cop out and then a few
These orchids are quite dainty. aren't
they? she says.
~ thought >ou liked >inlets. chops
the tightmitt then. seeing that he's -
ting III more Dutch all the time
Well. do like Violcts, She saws. 'hut
these orchids are so perfectly lovely
that
Better get yourself ono. tlten. SAYS
the tightmitt with SORT Of accent on
the one ard then ! pull nay gag -
punching three or four af tho "rks TO-
gether and holding en- ont in front "f
her and lie has IL stink across, no mat
ter how nue.. it tears, linn 10 rihbors
inside.
Easy money. the wise einks: tho cas-
lest you ever saw wound M Blonmcr-
stein. It's n shame to do il Ia EN-. hlIt
it's going to he a hard winter and | need
the kale, and lie eased into ono Of the
lobster palaces on his beat. winking as "a.
reached the door. aud began tho old old
N'Yawk game called Sticking Fm Up"
CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

would it, to just reach up and fix the
picture i'm position again? Every picture
in the place is turned and twisted around
the same way oh, there may be one OF
two Of the pictures that are not altogether
upside down, but pretty nearly all OF
them are that way. l shall be obliged
to you IL you'll refrain from picking my
words to pieces and pinning me down III
that way. II / had to look at those
twisted pictures all day long I'd go crazy,
but it doesn't seem to bother you little
bit.
And. see here, how did this patch get
on these lace curtains here? Oh, say.
don't try to be humorous with me like
that 1 know very well. or / at least
surmise, that you put the patch there.
But you understand perfectly we'll that 1
am asking why the curtain ever needed
to be patched at all. How's that? One OF
my poker guests held his cigar too close
to the curtain ONE night month or SO
ago, soon after you put the curtains up.
and burnt a hole in it? Well. we'll. you
sure are a quick thinker. and ingenious.
at that. Had that answer pretty pat.
didn't you? OF course. you had to drag
in that crack about one of my poker
guests That was to be expected. OF
course nobody else on earth or In the
waters beneath the earth could have
made that. hole in the curtain except one
of my poker guests, as you say with that
fancy sneer. Pretty quick yarn. that. II
you're asking me. But it's kind of diaph-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

In the final conquest of the worlds
geography, il was the north mole thar
had to be reached, and Commander peary
will be given credit for it,
In South America and Mexico rorte1
ana PlZarfp must be remembered az
among the great captains OF discovery.
room TWO servants. depressing their
smiles, carried him away.
Inc other guests were awakened tho
next morning by the host in person. He
led them through sunlit marble corridors
through rooms whose walls OF glass CAV.
views OF the blue Mediterranean of sail
ing ships, rose gardens and the far-ofY
Maritime Alps with their pale snow
caps. Finally he brought them TO a neep.
hole.
The scene they SAW through THEN, noon
mole was absurd. 4 dazed man in even
ing dress slowly waking TO consciousness
lay on white plastered floor and lacked
up IN horror at carpeted ceiling
massive bed, a bureau, washstani and
armchairs, all securely fastened starod
down at him from above. His ewes rested
on huge tub directly over his head in
which fine palm was growing down
ward. tie gave a grunt of terror rolled
over and clutched with frenzied hands
the stem of the chandelier, which came
up through the plastered floor
"Thereupon the practical joker Of a host
burst. with a loud laugh into tho room
- They ali do it, he cried. They sl
without exception. grab the chandelier
for fear they will fall up to the ceilinSr"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08
All Alike.

CHARLES HENDERSON, president of
~ the Alabama railroad commission,
said III Troy OF a certain railroad acct
dent:
These panic-stricken people conducted
themselves oddly: but so. under similar
conditions, would any one conduct him
self. We all act alike in panic.
You have heard, perhaps, of the Monte
Carlo joker. This man had an ivory
white villa on a gray crag, in a garden
of palms and roses. fronting the sun and
the sunlit sea. Here he would entertain
his friends with practical jokes.
.One night, after roulette at the Casino
and supper at Ciro's. a party of young
men were taken to the villa. y certain
young man lad drunk a little too much
vintage champagne at the elegant res
taurant. and upon him the host resolved
to play one of his jokes. So. when the
young man fell asleep in the billiard
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-01-08

MAP such as the world never
~ dreamed OF is TO be made In Lon
4 = don as a result of a conference re-
Gently called by the British government
its scale is 10 he roughly one TO one NIL
lion, or in exact measurements. one ihch
for every sixteen miles of the earths sur
face.
II is planned that this map Will show
every detail of the land and waters or the
world with such minuteness as has never
before been possible with maps as they are
al present understood.
IL was Sir Charles HardinSe, permanent
under secretary at the foreign ONCE, who
had tic honor of welcoming the delegates
WHO represented France. Germany. Aus
tr.a-iungary. Spain, Italy, the United
states, Canada Australia and Russia.
In his speech Sir Charles called atten-
tion to the number OF recent discoveries
and gave generous credit to two Amer
leans. Messrs. Cook and Peary. for what
they have done in the direction OF con-
quering regions that until the last year
were entirely UNEMPLOYED.
He pointed out the salient truth that
the moro widely geographical knowledge
is spread the better would the peoples OF
various nations come TO know each other.
and the more certain would come the
dawn Of an international peace.
lie also explained the commercial ad-