Omaha daily bee., 1910-04-09
TOLD IN THE SMOKER
Most Humorous of the latest Yarns Of
the American Drummer.
RELIED OFF ON THE RUN
Cheerful Travellers Open IN samples
Of Their Experiences aud De-
liver the Goods TN
Orders.

liver the Goods ON
Orders
The round merry face OF J. l.. Fisher
pushed into the smoking compartment as
the train pulled out from Rochester. going
east. and found what it was looking for
good company. The smoker was already
crowded. and the round. sleek figure Of
J. l.. F. seemed TO be pushing all the
other occupants against the wall; but
somehow, a seat was found for him. There
is always a seat for him anywhere, for
he has q story to tell.
BY occupation, J. l.. +. takes out a line
Of samples Of what the Chicago mlllners
think will so best in the way Of trimmed
and untrimmed hats. and sells them 10
and down the land; but by preference, he
seeks out his brothers OF the grip and re-
gales them with the latest twist he has
been able to see in something that just
happened to him,
on this occasion he fell in with a good
crowd, coming home Off the road for the
holidays and making the last jump into
New York. Most Of them had swung
around the continent, hitting big towns,
sleeping twenty-nine out Of thirty nights
on the move.
Say, got such a cold I can hardly
talk" Fisher began, before he dropped
his satchel; but hear this from Buffalo.
You know the way the street takers get
the gawks piling around them down by
the Union station. One Of .hem had a
bunch of longshoremen from the lake
front standing shivering in a zero zephyr
last night, while he told them all about
Green's medicsted cough drops. He said
it could wrestle a cold and get both Shout
ders to the mat in one throw, but his own
voice was worse than mine Is now. He
was just whispering and tearing his throat
all to pieces to reach the fringe of the
crowd.
1T was his voice that got me. You know,
[ used to do a little of that myself, and L
watched to see his game.
Cured His own Throat.
Makes no difference If you're so
hoarse you can't hear yourself whisper
he croaked. like a man with a harelip
trying to shout. Just slip one down easy,
It's the greatest remedy ever discovered
for the cause of suffering
He couldn't get any further, and be-
Sdl " COuBh nc II llG NSIt6 OAt6 " lDSG a
lung.
Say some one called out, why don't
you try it YOURSELF?
Thanks, friend he croaked back;
that's a good idea
Then. as the crowd stopped gaping and
shivering, he took one of the cough drops,
looked relieved, and began to talk in his
natural voice.
4" Funny. but here am selling these
priceless cough drops at a quarter a bot
tie, and 1 haven't got enough sense to try
one myself
They all bit. Anything goes on a crowd.
But I'm not the fellow to laugh at them.
! thought l had something smooth myself
once, but it turned out raw. There is a
joke in what L just said-you may catch
it by and by. I went broke in Scranton.
and got on the tail end of a wagon with
a gross of Little Beauty safety razoTs.
"The streets were full of miners. and
all you had to do was to show them some
thing and they had their dollar ready
before they knew if they wanted It.
Come on up!' l called out. IN shave
any man in the crowd, and I'll give a dol
lar to every one / cut!'
They came up, trusting as calves, and
before / got through with the first one
they were packed around so thick that the
driver didn't have to worry about his
horse. So he came back and wanted to
take a hand.
He said he'd been in the army and
knew all about shaving. I tried to keep
him off, but he'd put up the money for
the razors, and was feeling t%oplofty.
Before he broke in l had shaved ten
slick and clean, and they were pushing in
closer, yammering to give up a dollar
per.
Il was figuring on what l could do with
the 800 / could almost see in my hand.
but 1 wanted to wait until som fellow in
sisted in buying right away and then it
would be a regular stampede. But all the
time there was a little miner down in
front, trying to get me to shave a chin
covered thick with steel wires.
Il knew the Little Beauty couldn't stand
up against it. and every time he tried to
catch my eye l was buoy picking out fel.
lows with easy whiskers.
FINALLY, l had to move to the other end
Of the tailpiece to get away from him with.
out attracting notice, and while i was
giving a practical demonstration over there
he got hold OF my driver and ~financia
hacker, and first thing l knew they wer,
at it.
1T was all off right then. His whiskers
wouldn't cut and couldn't be nicked off
They had to be pulled out by the roots
and my partner did that all right. Every.
where he went on that doormat he Ieft
blood.
MY demonstration wouldn't a k at all
They were all watching that bleeding face
1t was no use. l just jumped off the tail
piece and left the razors to the driver
They were his, anyway, and it was hi
fault.
Wait till l get my drinking cup. l wan
to wet my throat.
Measuring the sheet.
Here's one" said Bob Lahm, VIII,