The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1910-03-04


/ play all the matrimonial tunes by ear
and mix their ajtitude towa'd wife,
as Dinah mixes her batter CAKES, by
instinct, putting in little sugar or q
| drop Of vinegar just at the right mo
ment. when it Is most needed The
! man who enters holy wedlock with a
/ theory in his mind is like the man
! who always trots around with an um.
! brella and rubber oyershoes. He's
/ prepared for the worst; but he is too
( burdened down with the weight of his
/ theories and his umbrella to enjoy the
sunshine. Matrimony isn't all storms
and II isn't all fair weather; and you
/ can no more tell one day what the
/ domestic atmosphere will be on the
/ next than you can tell from day to
day what the weather will be. The
/ people who get along best are those
who aren't looking for storms and
/ trouble, but who are just willing to
take one another as they happen to
come, as We do Christmas gifts, or a
table d'hote dinner, or a vaudeville
show"
And" 7 reioined enthusiastically,
who enjoy variety for variety's sake.
But" added, there may be some
general rules. some vague"
There are" interrupted Kitty,
''just as there are four seasons, but
you've got to have lived through the
seasons before you really appreciate
them or understand them. A Hotten-
tot can read description Of a snow
storm without having the slightest
idea Of how it feels. and an Esquimaux
can study up on simoons without
knowing how they will strike him. A
man can read everything that ever
was written on women and yet not
know enough TO keep his feet off a
girls frock or to avoid arguing with
his wife when her mouth is full OF
pins. And a woman can study treat
ises on men until her head aches and
then act like a fool the first time she
meets one"
And that" | declared. flourish
/ i-o my cane, rs where the practice
comes in and the theory goes out"
Yes" agreed Kitty the theory
has got to go before the practice
comes in, or you'll get horribly mud
died. Every woman is different geo
metrical problem with a different an
swer Imagine a courtship college
graduate sending his wife violets on
Monday morning when she wants
them for Tuesday night or thoughtful
ly buying her a purple hat when she
wants one to match a yellow fTock, or
! hnr a
poem when she wants him to come
upstairs and hook the back of her
dress"
"Or fancy a lady expert on love-"
murmured, feeding her husband on
angel cake or health food when he is
dying for beefsteak, or singing him
an aria when he wants to take nap
Just because such things are recon-
mended in the book of rules"
Yes" sighed Kitty. Think of go
ing into matrimony with nothing but
a stock of ready-made ideas!"
And having them shattered in the
divorce court" I added
Managing a man or a woman"
went on Kitty, "is like managing a
baby. The high-browed lady who
conducts the mothers meetings may
be an expert on nurseryology and may
know all about prepared foods and
the training OF the infant mind; but
she doesn't know the first thing about
putting in pins or taking a button out
OF the mouth; while the East Side
mother with five children hanging to
her skirt can cook her husbands din
ner with one hand and nurse three
cases Of measles and one of whooping-
cough with the other. without the tre-
NOR Of an eyelid. 1t isn't education
and it isn't theory and it isn't brains
that make one successful in mother.
hood or matrimony; it's the little gift
Of knowing how"
And what" interpolated
And when-that the gods bestow
Unfortunately, finished Kitty, "and
bestow oftenest, it seems, on other
wise unendowed people. The less a
man knows about letters, the more he
seems TO know about women; the less
he knows about making money, the
more he seems to know about making
love; the less he has Of honor and In
telligence, the more he gets of femi.
nine alteration"
We'll, the less a woman knows Of
the ologies," retorted. "the more
she seems to know about using her
eyes and putting flower in your coat
lapel; the less fluently she can talk
art. the better she can talk pretty
nonsense; the fewer talents she has.
the better husband she gets"
And" finished Kitty waving her
surshade dramatically, "one week OF
actual practice in lovemaking is bet.
ter than all the theories that could
be invented by the most eminent
board OF education that ever existed.
Why. a college of courtship would be
just like throwing water on the d.
vine fire. Besides" she added. where
would they find professors to teach
the art OF loye-making and the sci
eDce of managing a woman? The sin
gle men don't know anything about