The Marshall republican., 1910-07-08
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
WI That Helped the Ancients
Drive Dull Care Away.
SOME FIFTH CENTURY JOKES
The Absentminded Professor Was q
Prolific Source Of Merrinent to the
testers Of Those Days-The Source
Of Many Modern Jokes.

~ $3.50 NV
The maxim that there is nothing
new under the sun applies, 1t would
seem, more truly to Jokes and with
cisms than to anything else. The chief
differences between the jests Of one
generation and that Of another lie
mainly in their form. The kernel is
practically the same. Nevertheless IL
Is interesting to exhume some of these
ancient jokes and to recognize in them
the ancestors of the things at which
we laugh today in the pages of our
humorous publications.
Some humorous writers dearly love
to make fun Of the absentminded,
practical university professor, who
outside of his own subject let's his
wits wander and is very slow to grasp
anything in ordinary life. Such jokes
as these were cracked centuries ago
by the students and graduates of the
great universities in ancient Greece,
for It is a mistake to suppose that
what we now call college life" was
unknown to the ancients.
AS a matter Of fact, the student at
the University Of Athens or at the
University of Alexandria was very
much the same sort Of mortal as is
the student today, and his professors
were not so very different.
A witty Greek named Hierocles, a
graduate of Alexandria, collected some
time In the fifth century n volume OF
jests which were current among the
students with regard to the woolgath-
ering type Of professor. A number Of
them are translated here as being OF
! considerable interest In the history Of
humor and especially of college hui
NOR:
A professor, wishing to swim, was
nearly drowned. w%hereupon he swore
that he would never touch water again
until he had learned how to swim.
OF twin brothers, one died. A pro-
lessor thereupon. meeting the sur
vivor. asked, us 1t you that died or
your brother?"
A professor. learning that a raven
would live for more than 200 years,
bought one to test the matter.
A professor, wishing to cross a river.
went on board the boat on horseback.
When some one asked the reason he
answered that he wanted to get over
In a hurry.
A professor, looking out of the win
dow Of n house which he had bought.
asked the passersby whether the house
was becoming to him.
A professor, meeting another pro-
fessor, said, 81 heard you were dead"
"And yet" replied the other, you see
that ! am still alive."' WELL" said
the first in p~erplexity, 81 don't know
what to believe, for the man who told
me about it is a much more truthful
man than your
A professor, in danger of being ship
wrecked, called for his tablets that he
might make his will. Seeing thereupon
his slaves lamenting their fate, he
said, d not grieve, for I am going to
set you free"
A professor dreamed that he had
trodden on q nail and that the wound
panied him. On waking he bound up
his foot. Another professor, having
learned the cause, remarked, at served
YOU right, for why do you sleep with
out sandals;'
A professor, meeting a doctor, hid
himself behind a wall. Some one ask
ing the cause, he answered, 81 have
not been sick for so long a time l am
ashamed to come into the sight Of a
physician"
A professor. wishing TO teach his
horse to be a small eater, gave him no
food at all. At length. the horse hav-
ing starved to death, the professor eS-
claimed. ~ have suffered n great loss.
for just as he had learned not to eat he
- died!'
:. A professor, visiting a sick person,
inquired about his health. The invalid.
however, was not able to reply. There
upon the professor, being angry and
scolding the man, said, 81 hope that l
shall be sick some of these days, and
then when you com to ask how i am
] will not answer"
A professor sealed up a vessel of
wine which he had bought. His serv-
ant having made a hole in the vessel
beneath and drawn off some Of the
wine. the professor was astonished to
see the contents diminished while the
l seals remained unbroken. n neighOor
= having told him to look whether 1t had
:. not been taken u from below, he re-
[ Piled, "Why, you fool, it's the upper
, part of the wine and not the lower
: that is missing!'
A professor, n bald man and a bar
Der travelling together agreed to keep
a watch in turn four hours, each while
the others slept. The BARRIERS turn
5 came first. He quietly shaved the
head of the sleeping professor and
( when the time elapsed awoke him.
Z The latter. scratching his head as he
, got mp and finding it bare, cried out:
, "What a rascal that barber Isl He's
walked the bald man instead of me?"-
Z Exchange.
"