Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1910-05-19
I've notified you

1dlI.
"And then l collaborates with my
self and offers the following resolu-
tons and bylaws:
Friendship between man and man.
says /, is an ancient historical virtue
enacted in the days when men had to
protect each other against lizards with
eighty foot tails and flying turtles.
And they've kept up the habit to this
day and stand by each other till the
bellboy comes up and tells them the
animals are not really there. I've Of
ten heard I says, about ladies step
ping in and breaking up a friendship
between men. Why should that be?
I'll tell you, Paisley. The first sight and
hot biscuit Of Mrs. Jessup appears to
have inserted a oscillation into each
Of our bosoms. Let the best man of
us have her. I'll play you a square
game and won't do any underhanded
work. I'll do all of my counting of her
in your presence, so you will have an
equal opportunity. With that arrange
ment don't see why our steamboat of
friendship should fall overheard in
the medicinal whirlpools you speak of.
whichever of us wins out
"'Good old hossv says Paisley, shak-
says he. Well court the lady synony
mously and without any of the piud-
cry and bloodshed usual to such occa-
sions And we'll be friends still, win
or lose
"At one side of Mrs. Jessup's eating
house was a bench under some trees
where she used to sit in the breeze
after the southbound had been fed and
gone And there me and Paisley used
to congregate after supper and make
partial payments on our respects to
the lady Of our choice And we was
that if one Of us got there first we
waited for the other before beginning
any gallivantery.
"The first evening that Mrs. Jessup
knew about our arrangement | got to
the bench before Paisley did. Sup
per was just over. and Mrs. Jessup
was out there with a fresh pink dress
on and almost cool enough to handle.
4 81 sat down by her and made few
specifications about the moral surface
of nature as set forth by the landscape
and the contiguous perspective.
! 81 felt a kind of sensation in my left
side, something like dough rising in
crock by the fire. Mrs. Jessup had
moved up closer.
"'Oh, Mr.. Hicks says she, when
one is alone in the world, don't they
feel it more aggravated on a beautiful
night like this?'
81 rose up off the bench at once.
"Excuse me, ma'am,' says l, but
I'll have to wait till Paisley comes be-
fore l can give a audible hearing to
leading questions like that
"And then l explained to her how
we was friends tinctured by years Of
embarrassment and travel and COM
plicity and how we had agreed to take
no advantage of each other in any Of
the more mushy walks of life, such as
might be fomented by sentiment and
proximity. Mrs. Jessup appears to
Iuluh ScllOuS dUOuL TIC udILCL 4OA q
minute, and then she breaks into spe-
cies of laughter that makes the wild
wood resOund.
"In a few minutes Paisley drops
around, with oil and bergamot on his
hair, and sits on the other side Of Mrs.
Jessup and inaugurates a sad tale Of
adventure in which him and Pieface
Lumley has a skinning match Of dead
COWS in 1895 for silver mounted sad
die in the Santa Rita valley during the
nine months drought.
"Now, from the start of that court
ship l had Paisley Fish hobbled and
tied to a post. Each one of us had a
different system of reaching out for
the easy places in the female heart.
Paisley's scheme was to petrify 'em
with wonderful relations of events
that he had either come across person
ally or in large print. | think he must
have got his idea Of subjugation from
! one of Shakespeares shows | see once
| called 'Othello.' There is a colored
man in it who acquires dukes
daughter by disbursing to her a mix
ture of the talk turned out by Rider
! Haggard, Lew Dockstader and Dr.
. Parkhurst. But that style of counting
! don't work we'll off the stage
"Now, give you my own recipe for
/ inveigling woman into that state of
affairs when she can be referred to as
| nee Jones' Learn how to pick up her
hand and hold it and she's yours. 1t
amt so easy. Some men grab at it so
much like they was going to set a dis
| location of the shoulder that you can
! smell the arnica and hear 'em tearing
off bandages. Some take it up like a
/ hot horseshoe and hold it off at arms
length like a druggist pouring tincture
! Of asafoetida in a bottle. And most
Of 'em catch hold of it and drag it
right out before the lady's eyes like
| boy finding a baseball in the grass,
without giving her a chance to forget
| that the hand is growing on the end
Of her arm. Them ways are all wrong
"Pll tell you the right way. Did you
ever see a man sneak out in the back