The Washington herald., 1910-01-24
WHERE THE ENGLISH HAVE US.
In Graphing with the whisky
Question We're Not in II.

From the Baltimore sun.
We are better boxers than the English,
and we can teach them lot about psyche
therapy, political treachery, and games
OF chance, but IN the practice Of the an
Gent craft Of etyTnology, they are easily
our masters. The proof Of it lies in their
vastly superior graphing with that vexed
whisky problem. which has infamed and
tortured the civilized world for several
years past. as the problem OF solar
motion afflicted the pundits OF medieval
Toulouse.
What is whisky What is the exact
meaning, definition, or significance of the
word? When a man asks for whisky.
what combination Of aIkaloids and aide
hydes does he desire 10 Introduce into
his system? Is whisky always whisky?
II not, when not, and why? And If it is.
why Is II? Again, is whisky. properly
speaking, a gift Of nature, like the wild
duck and the dewdrop. or a product Of
human ingenuity and chicanery, like CO
came and certain brands OF perfectos ?
The stupendous powers df the Roosevelt
tan mind, focused upon the central prob
/ lem, scarcely started q crack upon its
surface so it was passed on 10 that
fathomless abyss OF Jurisprudence. Mr..
BonaParte, IN the hope that his fearful
and wonderful talents might enable him
10 master il. Bat Mr.. Bonaparte was
wise as well as learned. That is TO say.
| he retreated from the scene In a dense
fog Of verbiage. II was plain 10 the
meanest understanding that his decision
was a work of art, but ii was also plain
that no mere human being could under
stand it,
Thus the problem reached Mr. Taft,
! and the story of his appalling struggles
| with II Is still fresh in the public mind
J The Washington correspondents did not
overlook the chance for fine writing we
/ had pathetic word pictures Of the Presi-
dent pacing the ghostly corridors OF the
White House, porting over heavy. back
/ bending leXicOns and encyclopedias. We
saw him later on. with pale face and
worried air. gazing dismally at the wait
/ ing ear Of his stenOgTapher. And then
/ al last, came his defnitiOn--a vast out
/ burst Of 500 words, full Of grammatical
/ siuuoslties and parts Of speech a def
milton which meandered across the land
/ scape like Mark TwaIn's German noun; Z
masterpiece OF verbal magic. but harC
/ on the eyes and the faculty OF cogniuon
/ II every definition IN the dictionary wer'
| so long. the book itself would have TO b
/ handled by a donkey engine
/ But TO get back 10 the English. ID,
/ they tackle the problem IN the same
/ tedious and inhuman way Did they en-
/ ploy IT 10 torture and break down thei
/ finest inteuects2 Did they dangie II teas
| ingly before the king, the lord chancellor
and the Archbishop Of Canterbury
/ Not at all Instead, they appointed Z
| commission of accomplished distillers I,
sit upon il, and ordered that an answer b,
| forwarded by return mail The commits
! sion. in that brief time. had no chance
20 daily with metaphors. Il had to sticl
/ TO business. And il stuck. for bright anJ
early the next morning its definition OF
/ whisky was ready, 10 wit. a spirit
I obtained from disulIalIon rom mash Of
! cereal grains" Here, IN eleven words
/ the English covered the ground com
pletely. whereas MT. Taft had bu
I marked out its boundaries in 5,o00 auf
Mr.. Bonaparte had but stared at it from
/ afar in 5Hac)0
/ The subsidiary problems gave no pause
/ What was Irish whisky? Prof DR.. Har
vey W Wiley answered in a tract o
/ 2000 pages The English answered
/ whisky. as above defined. distilled II
/ Ireland" And what was Scotch whisky
DR. Wiley first denied that any such
/ thing existed, and then described it il
/ three volumes, octave. The English said
whisky. ditto, ditto in Scotland lie
us not scorn the English. They feed upol
/ coarse victuaIs, and have their clothe
made by retired sailmakers. but when ]
comes 10 etymology. they beat US hand
/ down.