The Holbrook news., 1910-06-03
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is- Bella-Divorce.- Sun.
 Teacher-How many make mil lion. Johnny? Johnny-Not many.
 Ever had appendicitis?" No. There aint never been a time when I could afford it."-Detroit Free Press.
 Barber-Have anything on your face when I get through, sir? Victim- Some skin and nose, hope-Bostou Transcript
 George-Do you think that I'm good enough for you, darling? Darling No, George; but you're too good for any other girl.
 The chicken stew has two prices in the bill of fare How is that, wait er?" With chicken in it, it is 90 cents, without it, 10"
 Mother Cooking over her boys shoulder) )-Your spelling is perfectly terrible. Little Son-This ain't spell in lesson. It's a composition
 Congratulations, Sarah; I've been elected. Sarah (with de light t)-Honestly? Politician-What difference does that make?-St. Louis Times.
 The Fataer-Did mamma punish you to-day. Tommie? The Boy-Yes. sir. What did she do?" Made ne stay in the house while she was tax ing her singing lesson."
 They are going to lock Jones up for the good of the community" Whats he done?" Hes talking of setting Browning's poems to Ricaard Strauss music. ."-Cleveland Leader
 The Man-No, don't suppose that I shall ever marry. I'm too shy, don't you know, and faint heart neer won fair lady" The Girl (helping him on) But I'm not fair; I'm dark.
 Why" asked a Missouri newspaper. ''does our State stand at the head Ill raising mules?" Because" said aa place to stand."-Jack O'Lantern-
 Teacher-If you wear one pair If shoes three months, how long will two pairs last? Jimmie-A year. Teach er-Oh, no; how do you get that? Jimmie-I don't wear any iu the sum- mer.
 ''Yes, do most of my work at night now" Whats the reason?" Why, I'm Wileyite and cook my food four uours, and being Fletcherite it takes me three hours to eat. t.''-CleEelan1 Plain Dealer
 Wifey-Do you think there is man that could conscientiously say to his wife. You are the only woman I ever loved?" Hubby-Only one that I can think Of Who? You, dearest?" "Oh, no, Adam."-Spare Moments.
 A woman went to bank She no- ticed that there was new face be- hind the window. Has the cashier gone away to take rest?" she en- quired Mo- replied the new man;
 he has gone away to avoid it.
 How do you extract womens teeth without their screaming? You don't give gas" But my office is opposite a millinery display. When the wom- en get absorbed in looking at the hats they're oblivious to pain. n."-Kansas City Times.
 Young Lady (on first visit to West ern ranch) For what purpose do you use that coil of line on your saddle? Cowpuncher-That line, as you call it. lady, we use for catching cattle and horses. Young Lady-I dare say. Now, may I ask what do you use for bait.
 The new housemaid had just opened the door in response to Wigglesby's ring. 'Is Miss Darborough in?" asked Wigglesby. Yes, SOFT, she's in SOFT. but she's engaged" said the maid Yes, know" smiled Wigglesby. I'm what she's engaged to.'-Harper's Weekly.
 Then you don't think I practice what l preach. eh?" queried the min ister in talking with one of the del- cons. No. sir I don't" replied the deacon. You've been preachin' on the subject of resignation for two years an ye haven't resigned yet."-Ladies' Home Journal
 Tubb-Old boy, I want to congratu- late you on your speech at the banquet last night. O'Sudds (after waiting d know you do. pard, and you're awfully sorry you can't do h truthfully. I appreciate the effort, just the same. Nasty weather, isn't it?-Chicago Tribune.
 Mrs. Al do love lobster. but never have them at home. because t seems so inhuman to kill them by put ting them in kettle of boiling wa ter. Mrs B-Gracious! l never kill them that way. It would be too hor- rible; 1 always put them on in cold water and let them come to boil
 q regret very much that we cannot use your story" said the magazine editor, handing back the manuscript Its astonishing how much really good literature we are compelled to decline. Its more astonishing. though" said the disgruntled author of the story. .that vo1l never let any of it get into