davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
His Last Kick.

~ E was quiet, Misunderstanding old
man. and as he sat In a doorway
- and shivered In the night wind the
policeman on that beat felt to pity him
and parsed him thrice without saying
word. But duty was imperative. At the
fourth time the cop paused and said:
Sorry Tor you, old man, but it's agin'
ORDERS"
Eyes, suppose co." was the dis
eouraged reply.
''Got a homer
NO."
ANY money"
mot a red"
mo friendsT'
mot q one."
Sad. sad case. but you must move on"
mo other wayT'
mo other"
Then the old man struggled to bis feet
and looked up and down the cold and
deserted street. Then he gave a yell
and kick. or went the officers helmet.
He yelled and kicked again and the gas
lamp was shivered. One more yell-one
more kick and the plate glass window
OF the shoe store was shivered with
crash. Then the old man fell to the walk
and lay there like a log. The officer
advanced and bent over him. but saw
that 1t was the end. Death had come to
take the old man home
Gone to his reward" sighed the cop.
''He was an old foot ball player, and he
JOE KERR.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
Wayside Wisdom.
Feed man. lutter a man. fool a ma

Feed man, 1utter a man. fool a man.
Sometimes good fellowship Is only skin
deep.
Silence is golden, no doubt, but no
book agent thinks SO.
Many pretty woman has her reputa-
tion for beauty staked upon a pin.
Marriage is a mighty good school in
which to learn how to be bachelor.
A good name is better than riches, but
not nearly 80 available Mt the corner
grocery.
The average man doesn't know whn,
he knows till he gets through talking
about it.
Some men are like the water mill which
clacks the lOudest when there Is least
grist to grind.
There are people 80 constituted that 1t
you sink to their level they think you
sink q good deal further.
Have you ever noticed how the big
dog ignores the yapping Of the little
cur barking at its heels: Well, there are
some men like that.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
No Gun for Him.

no carry gum" repeated the Balti
/ more drummer with look Of pair
~ on his face. "No, sir. got ovel
that foolishness several years ago. when
l was on the road for Chicago house
l made trip out as far os Montana, and
there 1t happened.
"Then something happened, did IT."
1T did. OF course, being In that coun-
try, I took pains that all should know
l toted gun. also claimed to be a
dead shot. l think l impressed a good
many men. One night, at a hotel, a Sleep
walker walked In on me. l rose up in
bed and fred six shots Mt him."
And killed him In his tracks7'
KILLED nothing. 1 simply woke him
up. also woke lot Of others up
But didn't you even wound himr'
mot within foot Then something
more happened. was arrested.
But for what7 You thought the man
robber"
Arrested for false pretenses. had
Dragged that l could shoot. and here I
had had six tries and hit only a door.
Yes, arrested and fined $50. and l had
to pay for a new door besides. Garry q
gun7 Not for Joseph. gun Is not only
a heavy thing to carry around, but while
you are getting 1t out and blazing away
can convince any man by argument
that the Republican party Is going to
get wolloped in the State Of New York
It the election next month"
JOE KERR. !
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18

~ 1.ANk got home the other day from
his summer vacation. When he went
~ away, July 1. he told everybody he
was going to take two weeks of. He had
a plan in his head. He intended to be
the last man home. He stayed through
July and August. September brought him
the call Of the city, but he stayed on. He
dshed and ished and fshed. He got lone.
some and he got homesick. Same old days
and same old nights; but he stuck it out.
October and the falling leaf brought him.
At the depot Blank met Brown. He
rushed up and shook hands with him.
Brown seemed surprised. On the street
he met Smith. Smith also seemed sur
prised. On the corner he ran across Jones.
what's wrongT' asked Brown, % his
hand was shaken.
''Oh, nothing"
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
Mary Got Married.

HEAR that Mary is married." said
the woman with a mourning hat to the
y one with a flower garden on her head.
"Yes?"
Married to her boss, hear"
Yes"
"They say he Is rich.''
"A million, / believe"
Gracious me, but what a catch for 4
stenographer! Mary must be very, very
happy
We'll, dunno. There are Offsets"
You mean he doesn't love herr
"Oh, I guess he does; but, you see be-
fore the marriage Mary had only half q
days dictatton. Now he's debating to
her the whole "a hours and she gets no
wages at that!'' JOE KERR.
THE IDEA.
Toni call NY engagement IAN air
Dick-Why SO?
Iom-I'm never sure Just how long IL
VIII keep on going.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
HIS IDEA.

The Pessimist-This world is queerly H.
habited
The Optimist-How so?
The Pessimist- Nobody In 1t but people
We don't want to know and people who
don't want to know us.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18
OF COURSE.

Mr.. JoaxThat new railroad Is running
things In the Evnunl
Mr.. Hoax How SO?
Mr.. joax--Going to have a tunnel under
the city.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1910-11-18

HARVEST DAYS.
Punster-Yes, when I ind my den too
stuny l come out IN the park and write
Jokes.
Critter-Indeed! Aren't you afraid the
squirrels will steal them from you7
Punster-Squirrels?
Critter-Yes; you know they are gath
er1ng all the chestnuts they can dnd
these days.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
What Robert Was.

The mother Of Clara. aged I. and
of Robert. aged 6. was looking at flats.
kxobert accompanied her. Finally she
found an apartment at her price
which she thought she would like. The
1anitor's wife. who acted as agent,
thought she would like Roberts moth.
er. too. but she wasn't 80 sure about
the children.
You say there is another one at
homer" she said. THAT makes two.
We have a rule against admitting chill.
dren. Still. II the little girl is as nice
As the little boy seems to be-" here
she patted Roberts head affectionate-
iy, Il don't know but what 1t will be
all right"
Robert brushed off the approving
hand impatiently.
Don't you fool yourself about me"
he said. Indignantly. I'm a regular
devil of a fellow, I am."-Philadelphia
Ledger.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Really a Serious Dilemma.

THE chap who works on one side of
me-" said an office man. has been mar
ried six weeks and he sneaks to the
telephone about four times n day and
calls up his wife. and then l hear him
saying: Dear. how is your headache
now? hope you are feeling better.
Then pretty soon he comes back to his
desk and goes to work again all smi
ling.
THE man who works on the other
side OF me has been married six years
and he goes to the telephone only
when he's called and then l hear him
saying: Why. l can't possibly do that.
l can't spare the money and then he
comes back to his desk all scowling.
And. really. when hear the way
these two men go on don't know
what to do. l don't know whether to
get married or to stay n bachelor"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Noisy NuisAnces.

lll.htting doors and windows rep
resent happy hunting ground for the
disturbing winds. In fact, so annoying
does the constant rattle of these open
ings become that many determined in
dividuals, who resolve to admit the
fresh air. choose the lesser OF two
evils and close the openings In prefer
ence to sleepless nights. This can be
remedied II a small wedge of wood
be driven In at the side OF an open
window: q door can be prevented
from rattling II pad or strip of thick
felt be nailed on the edge OF the door,
The annoyance Of creaking drawers
can be eliminated by rubbing common
soap upon the top. sides and bottom OF
each.
Creaking hinges on anything should
be well oiled. while the grating. irri-
tating noise Of 4 sewing machine can
be overcome In n similar manner.
The little noises wear away the pa
tience that is required for other
things. 1t were foolish to dissipate
energy through the channels OF irri-
tated nerves when n little time will
obyiate the nuisances.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Fooled BY the Ladder.

ClanE. clatter. bang! Down the
street came the fire engines.
Driving along ahead. obviously Of
danger. was q farmer In ram-shack-
le old buggy. A policeman yelled At
him: "Hi. there. look out! The fire
department is coming"
Turning In by the curb the farmer
watched the hose cart. salvage wagon
and engine whizz past. Then he
turned out into the street again and
drove on. Barely had he started when
the hook and ladder came tearing
along. The rear wheel OF the big truck
slowed into the farmers buggy. smash
ing 1t to smithereen and sending the
farmer sprawling into the gutter. The
policeman ran to his assistance.
Didn't tell ye to keep out Of the
way?" he demanded GROSSLY. Didn't
tell ye the fire department was com.
in'?"
well. concarn ye." said the peeved
farmer. 'I did git outer the way for
tn fire department. But what in tar
nation was them drunken painters in
sech an ALFRED hurry fer?"-Every.
body's Magazine.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
DROVE HUSBAND FROM HOME
Act Of Militant suffra0ette That Was
Too Arbitrary to Be Upheld
by the Court.

The results that may ensue from
being married to a suffragette were re-
vealed the other day in London
(Eng.) suburban police court. Mrs.
Tunnicliffe took up the cause and was
not able to spend much time at home.
When the husband demonstrated she
simply commanded her daughter to
pack her fathers gripsack and there
and then ordered him out of the house.
He went, and then the lady sued him
for desertion and demanded alimony.
But surely you did not take 1t SO
feebly?" asked the magistrate of the
husband.
1T was no use objecting." was the
answer. She wanted to be master and
said that If l annoyed her she would
lock me up. l was only too anxious to
go back home. but she would not let
me-"
The case was dismissed.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
BY No Means Angelic.

Eugene Walter. the playwright. at
. dinner. was accused Of pessimism.
WELL" said Walter. Il am not .
pessimist. but I don't believe that hu-
man nature is by any means angelic.
We are all much alike. The best we
can do is to curb our faults and favor
our virtues
What faults should I curb" very
pretty young lady asked.
WELL" said Walter. II should think
you'd have about the same faults To
curb as a little girl talked to yester.
day. She's a charming little girl and
a. we conversed alone In the drawing.
room while waiting for her father and
mother to come down. said to her:
Have you got a sweetheart"
"She smiled and wriggled. 'Yeth.
she said softly.
'well.' said /. III give you \ QUAR-
ter II you tell me who he is
Tommy she answered In . low
voice. and gave her the quarter.
"A few minutes afterward she said
neuddenly:
Now. II you'll give me another
quarter. Ill tell you who my other
sweetheart s.'"-Rochester Herald.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
One Type Of Religion.

TOO many people," said Rev.
Charles F. Aked, at a luncheon in New
York. regard their religion as did the
little boy in the jam closet.
His mother pounced on him sud
denly He stood on uptoe, ladling jam
with both hands from the jam pot
to his mouth.
"'Oh. Jacky!' his mother cried.
And last night you prayed to be made
a saint
His face. an expressionless mask
of jam. turned towards her.
"'Yes. but not till after I'm dead he
explained"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
An Interruption.

Among the primary pupils enrolled
in Baltimore school this term Is tho
son OF n prominent business man OF
that city.
One afternoon. at close OF school. the
youngster sought out his father In his
office. to whom he said:
Dad. I'm getting tired Of school.
think I'll quit"
"why?" asked the astonished par
cnt; what's the matter. Tommy? I
thought you were fond OF going to
school"
so am, dad" responded the young
ster. suppressing yawn, but It
breaks up the day so.''-Harper' Mag
azine.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
catarrh Cannot Be Cured

With LOCAL APPLICATIONS. they cannot reaeh
the n-at OF the ds-as- CAtarrh . blood constt
tutoaA de~As- and In order to n you must tAks
Internal rem~di-s Halls CatArrh Cure n taken To-
t~rnay. and acts directly upon the blood and mucous
surfAcrs. HaIis CAtsrrh Cure b not quaek mcdL
cine t prescribed by OF the bot physietans
In this country for years and regular prescription.
IL b composed OF the bcst tones known. oombined
with the br~t blood purifiers. acting directly ths
mucous surfaerr The perfect combination of tbs
ovo Ingredients h what produces such wonderful re-
suits curing catarrh Send for testimonials. free
~. CHENEY CO.. Fropa. Tosdo. O
Fold By Drusxists. price fsc.
1Aks Hans Family Pus fos constipation
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
New Work for Women.

Mrs. Frederick II. Snyder is the
only women impresario on earth. she
says. She decided that grand opera
would be a good thing for st. Paul and
made her first venture so successful
that she has continued in the business
after the fashion OF men engaged in
the same work.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Couldn't Stand Exposure.

Couldn't Stand Exposure.
The member OF the legislature, OF
whom some graft stories had been cir
eulated. was about to build house.
you will want a southern exposure.
I suppose?" asked the architect.
! mo. SIR said the man: III you
can't build this house without any ex-
posure. I'll get another architect
Yonkers Statesman.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
A $-o.-
for a Dime

Why spesd . dollar when l0c buys . bea
Of CASCARBTS se any drug storep Ose
- directed-tet the natural. easy ressls.
Saves many dollars sssssd On mediciaaD
that do not cure. Millions regularly -
CASCARETS. Buy Q box now-loo
weeks trestment-peoof In tie morn
~. -
CAscARHTs roc Q bon for . week's
treatment, all druggists. Biggest seller
n The world. Ailiioa boxes Q moath-
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Mr.. Adee In Europe.

Second Assistant Secretary Adee OF
the state department is on his annual
vacation in Europe. In company with
Mr.. Thackera, United States consul
general at Berlin. and Mrs. Thackera.
he will devote about six weeks to a
bicycle tour OF southern France. He
expects to return to Washington about
the middle Of June.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
The Simple Shepherd! !

A Cockney. while spending his holi-
days in the Highlands. met an old
shepherd driving flock Of sheep.
Wishing to show of a bit. he said:
Now, II I were a shepherd would
teach the sheep to follow me-"
"Oh, aye" said the shepherd. "and
hiv nae doot ye wild manage, for
II they saw anither sheep in frent
they wild be sure to follow.''-Tit-Bits.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

tensely and there
was q feeling OF
numbness in my
spine. My h a n d 8
cramped and the
urinary pa s s n & e 8
were profuse. Doc
tors prescribed for
me but l was not
benefited. At last l
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Looking Backward.

THAT boy of mine was out pretty
late last night. Says he was sitting
UP with q sick friend"
"Going to stand for, that excuse?"
"Guess I'll have to. My father used
TO honor 1t to a reasonable extent
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

began taking Doan's Kidney Pills.
They drove my troubles away. and l
now enjoy excellent health"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. so cents a
box Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. n. Y.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
An Alternative.

Aren't you making q great deal sf
Aoise?" said the irritable neighbor.
Cant help it," replied the patient
father. zone OF us has to be heard.
and I'd be perfectly willing to give you
your choice. II stop singing the baby
cries."-Washington Star.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
The Report Courteous.

"T hate to press this bill. Mr.. Slow.
pay" said the tailor. taking much
wrinkled memorandum OF accounts
from his pocket. but"
"Oh. don't bother. Snip" said
elowpay genially. you don't need to
press I'll don't mind the wrinkles in
It At all-fact is. I've a dozen fresh
copies of 1t at home already."-Judge.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

No man can love evil for evils SAX
as he can love goodness for goodness
sake.-Schiller.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
HELP FOR THE AGED.
No Need to Longer Suffer from Kidney
Trouble.

Mrs. Catherine Sullivan, 1712 Moi.
fatt St. Joplin. Mo, says: Like most
elderly people. suffered from kidney
trouble for years. My back ached in
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
HEADS USUALLY EMPTY.

Ella-I think those fellows are get
ting their heads together over some
thing.
stella-Yes: guess there's some
thing in II.
E1la-Which Onef
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
His Way.

Knicker-Is Jones charitable?
Bocker-Well, he doesn't let his
right foot know whom his left foot
kicks.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
A Pointed Question.

Wiggs-Why do they call It pin
money!"
Waggs-Because wives stick their
husbands for it.-IIppincott's.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Odd FeIIows' Paper7

wright-Hes going to call his new
paper the Sausage Links.
Penman-Be in three sections. I sup
pose.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
REOAUSES 3
Fast Color EWisfs.

The &c aaiae have ". Z DonriAs name and -
sAmp<d on the bottom. TAKE ~. hssksstsss~.
Ask yssssr de alter for ". l. Doueia aa sho~s uusY
Tor sale write for TAIL Osdrr ~
aos. giving full directions how TO ORDER by mail Sss,
oserp dire~1 factory delivered to the vcarw ~
charges prepaid. W. l. DOUGLAS. broekton. Ma
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

There is no service like his that
serves because he loves.-Sir Philip
Sydney.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

Mrs. winalow'a Soothing Syrup.
For children tecthing ~pft-ns ne gums, reduces In
nammAtion -aays pain. cures md collie &c botti'
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
Important to Mothers

Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA. a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that It
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26
w, L. DOUGLAS
16, 81, $3.50, 90 q %. 80
xs,s,DsSs. ssoc sss.. SAOES,ss ~: ysso s;s;; -

w. l.. Douglas
shoes are worn
bymOrc men than
any other make,
REOAuSEs
W. l.. Douglas a. 90
and oH.OOshocsequai.
in style. fit and wear.
other makes costing
$40 To $500.
w.I.DouKlas o5-S 80.
$500. o3.5O aud o2.OO
shoes arc tho lowest
price. quality conaid-
cred, tntho world.
Fast Color Eveisfs.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1910-05-26

Never let matters come to an open
rupture.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-04-21

s1lu M Atfubl 49, a~...-4- ~
defendants. bearing date March LIST, l9l0,
and returnable to the April term, lgio,
thereof, I have levied upon avg selzea ane
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-04-21

make Final Settlement Of his
h said estate as such Adminiu-
~ IN ~. Dn.xt
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1910-04-21

all-purpose horse should go and
see the stallion and his colts at DR..
VIZ r. .Cvofthtr atn HAS MT the SAM
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-02-25
CHINESE SOLDIERS
HAVE ENTERED TIBET.
Dalai Lama, Famous Ecclesiastic, Flees
with Several of His Ministers
Into India

CALCUTTA, British India, Feb %
Chinese troops today entered Lhasa.
the capital of Tibet and the residence Of
the Dalai Lama, the supreme head of
the Lamaist hierarchy. Upon the APP
proach Of the soldiers the famous &C.
clesiastic fled with several of his min
listers into India.
Serious trouble has been expected ow-
ing to the action of the small Chinese
army, which, marching from SEE huen,
China, subdued eastern Tibet, Ievying
contributions on the Lama's people and
showing no respect for the monasteries.
The Tibetans, resenting the dissertation
of their holy places, petitioned the Chi
nese foreign board, praying that the EN-
peror of China Interfere in the interests
of the Buddhists The petition was dis
regarded, as the Chinese propose to make
the administration Of the country purely
Chinese.
The Dalai Lama appealed to Lord
Mimic. the viceroy of India, but the lat
ter refused to intervene. When the Chi
nese troops were reported as moving
from the province of Khan, ostensibly to
strengthen the garrison at Lhasa, the
Lama hastily quilted the capital and pro-
ceeded toward DaTjiling.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-02-25
BISHOP AND PRIESTS
HOLD REQUIEM MASS.
Memorial Services Commemorative o.
Rev. Father Cyprian Banschied's
DEATH Largely Attended.

ASHLAND, Wis, Feb. 23.-ISpe
cial. J-Bishop Schinner of Superior, as
sisted by fourteen priests from four
states, officiated at the funeral of Rev
Father Cyprian Banschied of st. Louis
who died here February II The deac
priest was formerly stationed at joliet
and Chicago, but of late years he has
been provincial and was stationed al
st. Louis.
Last year he made a trip to Rome
and on his return was stricken with
paralysis while waiting for a train al
St. Paul, Mimi. He remained in the
thospitai for about u month and was
brought to Ashland the first Of last
September. He remained in the Ashland
hospital in a semi-comatose condition fo1
about six months, passing away last
Thursday.
Solemn requiem mass was celebrated
in St. Agnes church, Rev. Father Maui
ratius of ST Peters church, Chicago,
acting rs celebrant, Father eastman OF
BayfieId acting as deacon, and Father
Honorius of Washburn, subdeacon. Rev.
Father Barard of Ashland acting as
master of ceremonies. The sermon was
delivered by Rev. Father Anseln Miller
of Cleveland, O., Bishop Schinner of
Superior pronouncing the benediction.
Other priests who participated in the
services were Fathers Fabian. Damien.
Claudentius. Chrysosteum and Odoric.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-02-25
Trees from the Woods

February is an excellent month for
transplanting Towering trees and
shrubs from the woods into the home
grounds, says the Garden Magazine.
especially if the January thaw has
barred the ground and the air thrills
with the promise of spring. The trees
are dormant, their roots packed tight
In frozen earth. 1t is harder digging
but you get better ball of roots.
Certain Towering trees among orr
native trees are as beautiful as anv
exotics obtainable from a nurseryman
In fact. all the best ones are sold bv
nufserymen. Every garden needs a
Towering dogwoed, with it's snow of
white blossoms in spring. 1t should
be planted in the border of an omen
lawn, but overtopped behind by large
trees, because 1t has no foliage of its
own at Towering time to make a back
ground for the blossoms. The price
OF sucn a beautiful tree is careful
transplanting and patience with it's
slow growth.
Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-02-25
SERMONETTES.

The fad of one cannot be the faith
of all
Ideals live only as we strive toward
them.
Heaven sends some burdens just for
ballast.
A pious eloquence is not always an
eloquent piety.
There never was an argument equal
to an affection.
The friends you buy will always be
ready to sell you out.
People who are rich in heart never
put their money there.
Too many want to be sirens where
lighthouses are needed.
You may know many men by the mo-
tives they see in others.
Essays on problems are always more
popular than essays at them.
One fool sets a fad and you know
the rest by their trotting after him.
It Is better to be man striving up
than a god with nothing more to be-
They who make a success Of attempt
ing nothing always sheer at the great
souls who fail.