Tombstone epitaph., 1910-05-15
Arizona Kicker
 Korner
THE KICKER PROTESTS.

AS the world, ana perhaps part O! Mars. is by this time well aware. one mighty and fundamental motive we had in launching The Kicker. was for the benefit of humanity. in genera, and our beloved country in particular When We say humanity" We do moi include that tall-collared. choke-bored. sourd-necked aggregation of nicotine and freckles who assumes to repre- sent the Disappointment on Mummy street Our headquarters are on Toughnut. the leading thoroughfare where there is something doing
 As we said, we propose to do some thing for our country. In this connec- uon We solemnly protest against sending our great aggregation of steel and war paint, the American navy tO Pacific waters. So far they have succeeded in escaping the fate in store for them. Doesn't Mir. Taft know that Denmark had some fric. ton with our forefathers only a couple of hundred years ago. and is liable to swoop down on us, devastate our coast and open us up for invasion? |? Then can he not understand that a typhoon is liable to come up as the fleet goes down in the south seas. Cant he comprehend the fact that the Japs will anchor us over a field of mines, and blow our navy half way to SaArn? The depth and density of the folly of the government in this connection is absolutely incomprehen- sible. Therefore. The Kicker. de mands. in trumpet tones that the fleet be immediately withdrawn and plug ged up in San Francisco bay where it won't get wet, where the white rob ed Jacky won't get sea sick. where the unspeakable octupus with 'he dead eye. and the rapacious shark are fenced out of the bay by battleship netting securely strung across the Golden Gate and things appear gener. ally more cheerful We may need that navy yet, so what's the use of wearing 1t out
 THE PANAMA CANAL.
 Here is another outrageous on slaught onto the subSreasury with pick and shovel and steam shovel and dynamite
 Why if a gang of buccaneers should undermine the treasury at Washington and blow it up with the same imple ments and agents. howl would go through the land that would be heard in Jupiter. but here it is being done every day. and nathing said about it.
 What the American will stand for. is beyond believing We can almost hear the boom of the nitroglycerine as. on Cuiibra hill it is ostensibly cutting the thro.t of the isthmus from year to year" but in reality is blow ing the hinges off of Uncle Samuels big safe in Washington. We protest.
 We can see an army of men stream ing into Ancon hospital on one side, walking erect. streaming out on the other. feet first to take up their eter- nal biyouac on Monkey hill. WE PRO TEST. We can see the forty millions worth of scrap iron which We bought from France just to please the Van dyke gentleman, who held a few shares in the Great Spectacular Graveyard. De Lesseps combination. We protest After seventy-five mil lion dollars worth of masonry and concrete are in place, We can see a baby earthquake come along and knock it all to smithereens. Even after ter 1t is completed, We can see liner 1850 feet and eight inches long, lifted laboriously from Colon up to the high level with about four months work, boom across the Panama side, take a header down the locks in the Pacific and dive half way to the Philippines, and come up with her hold full of sea weed, to be a dereiict on the ocean of sad lessons for thousand years to come Yes, We protest, but if it turns out o. K. and we are given a complimentary ticket with state room and two solid meals a day. all this DON'T GO.