davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24
WHY NOBODY TOLD HER

\ CERTAIN woman in Connecticut
~ has quite reputation as a singer
at funerals In one year she sang al
l67 OF these luguhrious functions. Not
oniy her own town, but villages and
cities FOR miles around bespoke hel
services on such occasions. Last fall
the woman forswore funerals for a
while and went away on vacation
The day after her return she met a
neighbor who was 4o thin and plain
spoken.
Good morning. Martha" said the
funeral prima donna How is your
mother this morningg'
Mas dead drawIed Martha.
Oh, | am so sorry" said the singer
Can be of any assistance?"
mo, | guess not" said Martha.
The singer was surprised at that.
When is your mother to be buried p
she asked
Mas buried" said Martha, who in
her turn showed astonishment.
"What?" exclaimed the singer. why
1t is strange l didn't hear anything
about 1T. When did she die?"
About six months ago"
The singers bewilderment increased
1 must have been away at the time,
sne said, but 1t is funny that none of
my family told me anything about it,,
Il guess" said Martha, they didn't
think 1T worth while to tell you, seein'
s you was here and sang at the
funeral"
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24

same family. There is one time, how
ever, when rocking the boat is neither
fun nor folly and that is when the boat
is a big warship.
How many people are there. outside
the navy, who know or will readily
believe that battleship or a big ar
mored cruiser, say like the California,
can be rocked by anything but old
ocean itself? 1t is done, however, every
time Uncle Sans ships gather for tar
get practice and practically in the same
way that young man brave in ignor-
ance rocks the rowboat for the purpose
OF hearing the girls scream.
1t is done In the navy for the purpose
Of reproducing as nearly as possible
the rolling caused by the waves so
that the men behind the guns may
learn to shoot as straight and as often
I'm heavy seaway as they can in
smooth water. The man responsible
for making foolish practice serve
useful purpose is Commander William
S. Sims, the officer to whom is largely
due the present efficiency in marks
manship to be found in the United
States navy.
While the rest OF the country was
hurrahing over the gallant work of Ad-
mlral SIMPSONS fleet in destroying the
Spanish ships off Santiago navy officers
were checking up the holes in the Span
ish derelicts and making a record which
showed the number of shots fired and
told how many of them had scored
hits. The complete record showed the
enthusiasm of the Yankee gunners TO
be greatly in excess Of their skill as
marksmen. The percentage of misses
was sore disappointment and worried
the navy department considerably more
than did Admiral Schleys claims for
recognition as the official victor. While
Schley was clamoring for laurel
wreaths and drawing diagrams OF how
ne looped the loop, Commander Sims
was oeyising plan TO improve the
craftsmanship of the men behind the
guns, so that the next time American
oMcers Inspected the hulls of a van
sulsned fleet they could turn in re-
port with something more inspiring in
the percentage of hits" column.
Target practice from that time on
ceased to be a perfunctory exercise and
became one of the most important
features of naval training. The first
targets were large and the ships from
which the guns were fired were sta
nonary. Trophies were offered for the
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24

must place good things. Take cram
berries, for instance. Wash them in
water (be hygienic for once). Boil the
cranberries-a quart of cranberries to
a teacupfuI Of water-tfll mushy. Now
strain through a colander, and mind
your apron. Now for the sugar-watch
me-two and a half teacupfuls-I
told you so. A cup less might do. The
extra cup won't make it sweeter-only
richer Now hurry and cook EN- for
about FIVE minutes with the sugar in.
Stick them at the back of the stove for
that III while. Then the unauthorita-
tive strips, please Then bake and be
,beatific, but don't be greedy.
What-lemon? Well, take the yolk
of four eggs. and one whole one. Crate
the yellow Of lemon (nOt the white;
it'll be awfully bitter) and the juice Of
three, and add two cups of sugar. Now
come with two teaspoonfuis of corn
starch in a teacup of water. Mix with
deliberate conviction. You cook that
till-it's cooked You shouldn't do
more You can't do less. Take cup of
cream and milk and add it while 1t
thickens. If you're mean you can put
milk alone. You'd think 1t would cur
die, but it won't. The milk and cream
make it rich and generous. 1t graces
1t with smoothness and majesty. And
there's the question of those other
whites of eggs. Take them and mix
'em with two teaspoonfuls of pulverized
sugar. Then put that in the middle of
your pie and watch it like mad, or it'll
burn. Put your pie away, away back
to allow your little meringue to brown.
It's fun to watch 1t. I throw these
hints out to you from a full heart 1
confess that 1 am an authority; but L
take my cap off to one She is Mrs.
Adelaide Ross of Brandon, VT. She is
the fount of all pie lore in these United
States. She has been so for 80 years.
If you feel dissatisfied with these, my
recipes, consult her; but / don't promise
that she'll tell you of her mystic rites.
Pumpkin? My goodness! Well, any
thing for a quiet life. Take three cups
of pumpkin and cook it. After thiSs
gratifying process set it back in the
oven so that every drop of water evap-
crates. Every iii drop. Strain it
through a sieve. In with two eggs
(minns the shells, of course) and sugar,
more than cupful and you like me,
and little ginger (oh, half a tea
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24

ships that made the best scores in their
class and the sporting zeal of the
Yankee bluejacket warmed his pa
triotic blood. Praise, prizes, extra pay
and the sheer joy of winning won the
enthusiastic interest of every man that
wore the uniform. Rivalry grew not
only between the ships and fleets but
between the different guns on the same
ship and between the individual gun
pointers, and it was not long before
anything short of perfection excited no
enthusiasm.
Next the size of the target was re-
duced 1t was not long before perfec-
tion again became monotonous The
next step was to fire from a ship mov-
ing at half speed, and the shooting
kept pace in accuracy with the increas-
ing elusiveness OF the mark. The next
year the guns were fred from ships
travelling al full speed
This process of making the task
harder increased the efficiency and
maintained the enthusiasm of officers
and men. There were now gun pointers
willing to undertake the task of stem
CLING their ships name in the moon
with II inch shells if the navy depart
ment would please furnish the neces-
sary ordnance.
The next step was to fire from NOV
iH6 SiitpS db 6GlS DelUS lowed In an
opposite direction, and the good scores
continued. Commander Sims plan was
not yet worked out to it's final conclu-
sion. Most of the record target prac-
tice so far had been in comparatively
sheltered waters. whereas in actual
warfare the test of Workmanship was
most likely to come when the engaging
fleets were being tossed on a more or
less turbulent ocean. Now the ocean
will not pitch and toss to order. so to
simulate this condition it was decided
TO rock the ships. Here is how it is
done:
Everybody not actually engaged with
the guns is lined up in the exact CEN
ter Of the ship. At the sound of bugle
or upon the hosting of a pennant all
hands move with run to, say, the port
side. Another blast of the bugle or
another hoist of the pennant and there
is a rush to the other side. If there is
a band on board music regulates the
rushes. Within two minutes the rushes
begin to tell, and within 10 minutes
the ship. no matter how big, for the
bigger the ship tle larger the weight
of men available to play seesaw, is
rolling with list of "a degrees
When the ship is rolling sufficiently
to meet the conditions of the practice
the order is given to fire. The ship is
steaming, say north, at full speed. and
rolling like a porpoise, and the target
is being towed south. This was done
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24
AWAKENED IN TIME

COLONEL MARION BOYKIN, who
- keeps the only hotel at Palmetto
Cross Roads, S. C., is paragon of real
old southern hospitality. and what the
place may lack in. moderR conveniences
is made up by the sympathetic. pater-
nal way in which the colonel treats
his friends. For years he has made
II a rule TO give always a little more
than they asked for. That has estab-
hshed his reputation among travelling
men and New Yorker who had heard
II and who was stopping at the place
for the first time
why 90 you always give extra
meesure?" he asked.
In the relations that obtain be-
tween gentlemen, suh." answered the
colonel. 1t is always proper to be extra
accommodating"
VIII you join me?T asked the New
Yorker, nodding toward the bar.
Charmed. subj"
The northerner ordered a pony glass
Of brandy, but the bar keeper at a
sign from the colonel said there were
no glasses so small in the place. and
put out an ordinary whisky glass with
the comment: "That'li hold more"
After the northerner had eaten a
very satisfying dinner and enjoyed a
smoke, he left a call for 6 in the
morning, SO as TO catch an early train,
jocularly remarking 10 the colonel.
Now don't forget 10 still be extra ac-
commodating'
I promise you I won't, suh," replied
the colonel
So the New Yorker went TO sleep
with the serene assurance that he
would be aroused at the proper hour.
I seemed hardly to have fallen into
sound slumber," said he in telling of
the instance recently, when 1 heard
terrific pounding at my door /
sprang up, wide awake.
What's the matter?' ! called out
-Four o'clocki 4 o'clock" came the
landlords voice from the other side of
che door. Two more hours to sleepw'
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24
By Lindsay Campbell

Z TANDING with feet apart on the
seesaw with the center Of gravity
is a simple matter in every sense Of
the word. The fool that rocked the
boat" has a place Of his own in one of
the darkest corner Of human history.
He has caused more trouble in the
world than the man who didn't know
the gun was loaded and belongs TO the
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24
~ 8..!!!!! Nj
-
By Garnet Warren

~ les have been responsible for
much magic in history. Take the
- New England character. for in
T., 500,
The San Francisco call., 1910-04-24

Every woman wants to be attractive. beau
tiful bust, prettilv rounded neck and shoulders.
smoothly moulded limbs woman's greatest
charm.
So absolutely sure are we that we can give
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No matter whether your thiuuess is caused by
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Thousands of women owe their superb figures
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The free trial treatment proves this.
Remember, I am making this demonstration
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If you are thin. YOU not fair to voureifit you
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treatment No. 1" is a general system flesh
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Please say which treatment you prefer. Only
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The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29
FOR RENT.

Two handsome Office Rooms in suit
or single, equipped with electric and
gas fixtures, nice blth with hot and
cold water. Splendidly ventilated,
nice clean walls, high ceilings. Sec
ond floor News Building, 1906 Newcas-
tie street. Apply at News Office.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29
FOR SALE,

The house and lot where | live.
Large lot; large ten-room house, large
rooms. The house could net be built
today at the price of materials and
labor for less than $4,000. Will sell
it for what was paid for it cash five
years ago, viz: $500, throwing in
about $1,000 spent in improving it af-
ter the purchase, Here's the cheapest
investment that can be offered in real
estate in the city today. Titles perfeci
COURTLAND SYMMES.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29
A REGULAR Tom Bow

was Susie-climbing trees and fences,
az scratches, cuts, sprains, bruises
- ~:@s: hes. whiting, always get
" ms, burns of sCalds. But laws
Her mother just applied Bucklen's Ar
MICA Salves and cured her quick
Heals everything healable-Boils, Ul-
GERS, Eczema, Old Sores, Corns or
Piles Try it. Csc. at Roses Drug
Store.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29
FOR THE LEGISLATURE.

| herewith announce my candidacy
for representative of Glynn county to
the Georgia legislature in the ensu-
ing democratic primary. Any support
will be appreciated.
j, (, Dart,
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29
FOR THE LEGISLATURE.

| respectfully announce my candi-
dacy for the legislature, subject to the
Alfred Hayne Crovatt.
democratic primary.
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29

For More Than Three Decades
Foley's Honey and Tar has been a
household favorite for all ailments of
fants and children 1t is best and safest
as it contains no opiates and no harm
full drugs. None genuine bat Foley's
Honey and Tar in the yellow package.
Refuse substitutes. Atlanta Pharmacy
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29

AVA TIC 1oI sT LINE
Excellent Passenger Services.
Arrivals and Departures of Trains.
BRUNSWICK.
ArrlVT
Train No 91..... .12:05 p. n
Train Nc. 97...S:10 p. m
Departures.
Train NJ 9S. -. .5:40 4. N.
Train M 30. -. 400 p. m.
Direct connection at Port Tampa
gesA r. & o. S. S. Co. ships for Key
West and Havana.
Connections at Savannah with
steamer lines to Baltimore, Philadel-
phia, New York, Boston and points
sse~2.
Schedule figures are given as in
formation and are not guaranteed.
Fifteen cents saved by buying tick
cts from agents.
r. C. White, E. M. North,
Gen. Pas. Agent, Div. Pas. Aet.
Wilmington, N. C. Savannah, Ga
The Brunswick news. [volume] (Brunswick, Ga.) 1906-2016, 1910-05-29

For cleanliness and pure food stuff,
try Boyett's quick lunch.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
Such a Bore to Dress.

A belated traveller who was com
PEELED to stay all night in a back.
woods cabin says that soon after thu
frugal meal a tall. gaunt youth of
eighteen and an equally sallow and
gaunt girl Of seventeen, both bare
footed, took their hats from wooden
pegs In the wall and prepared to go
out, whereupon the mother, taking her
pipe from between her teeth, said re-.
proyingly:
Go long an wash your feet, Levi
you and Looly, bothl Hain't you
'shamed to go off TO an evenin' party
without washin' your feet?'
They obeyed, but as Levi took the
washpan from bench by the door he
said with grumble:
I'D bout as soon stay home from
party as to have to fix up for it,
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
TROY is COMING
And Expects to Arrive tuesday Morning
TROY THE QUAKER HEALTH TEACHER WILL SPEND l,m,ren
TIME HERE.-NoT TO BUT TO PROVE


Some very agreeable, pleasant and
important news is herewith impaired
TO our readers. Troy is coming; he
- the man who proves what he says;
ne is the man who makes hundreds of
friends daily, owing to his sincerity
and honesty; the man whom you have
heard and read so much about. but
who has never before visited Hatties-
burg. He is expected to arrive here
early next Tuesday morning. He will
make his headquarters at the Owl
Drug Store. Now what will he do
and prove?
First of all, should this article be read
by any person unfortunate enough to
be afflicted by a tapeworm, Troy will
give the Quaker Remedy absolutely
free which will expel the worm COM
piete with head in a few hours, with
out dieting or danger of any Ill after
enects. This proposition is for three
days only.
Next if your children are pale,
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
Diving Birds.

Water birds which are ordinarily
able to float high on the water can
also sink at will by expelIing the. air
which is inclosed within the film OF
feathers surrounding their bodies. thus
making them heavier than water This
mechanical trick on the part of div
ing birds is probably familiar to all
who have watched the kingfsher at
close quarters and have noted the sud.
den contraction in the birds apparent
size as it takes the plunge. This Is
much more easily observed in the case
Of the starting. which sometimes imi-
tates the kingfsher by plunging into
water for food. The shrinkage of the
bird in apparent size is very apparent
when, after lowering above the sur
face, 1t turns downward to dive.-Zo
Ologist
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17

puny and restless; if they grit their
teeth, pick their nose, have bad breath,
ETC., they may be afflicted with pin
worms or stomach. worms and the
Quaker Remedy will remove them or
cost of same will be cheerfully re-
funded.
Next, If you suffer with Rheuma-
tism, Catarrh, Kidney, Liver, Stomach
or blood troubles, call on Troy at the
OWL DRUG STORE, and he will
strive to prove what Quaker Extract
and Oil of Balm will do for you.
Remember it cost absolutely moth
ing to talk to Troy, the Quaker Health
Teacher, and should you decide to try
his remedies, the price of same will
be refunded if you fail to benent.
This is how Troy proves what he
says. Don't forget, any person af-
fiicted with a tape worm, by calling,
can get Quaker Extract, which will
remove it absolutely free. Troy will
be at the OWL DRUG STORE daily,
from 3 a. m. to 5 p. m.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
A BAG OF Co.. L j. 80 :.
They Picture In a Way Tia Various
Phases of Human Society.

Phases of Human Society.
Devotees of the links will be inter.
ested to learn that, IN the opinion of a
Philosophical student of their ancient
game, bag Of golf clubs is sym.
bolical epitome of human society.
In the front rank you have the driv.
er, smooth, polished. elegant. the arts:
tocrat of the circle, to whose lot falls
the snowy role in the days perform
ance, who disdains to play his part on
the level of his fellows, and must have
his sphere of operations artificially
raised above the plane of the common
earth. The brassy is your rich com
moner, substituting barrier of metal
Tor the tee that confers rank on his
social superior. After these come the
humber cleeks, lofters and masbies,
the common herd. who, like the butch.
ers, shoemakers, and tillers of the
ground among human beings, have the
bulk Of the work to do. and can afford
no polish save what comes from keep
Ing themselves clean. which at times
is no easy task. Apart from them nll
stands the niblick. the good Samaritan
Of golf, resorted to only when the
player Is In serious difficulty. The
function Of the niblick is to aid the
golfer in the day of trouble. and his
destiny, after having done his duty
In that state of life, is to be relegated
to the limbo of forgetfulness.-
naut.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
COMEDY AND PATHOS INTER.
MINGLED.

Tears follow mirth and laughter
chases care in Thomas Dixon's ceIe-'
brated play, THE Sins of the Father"
which makes it's first visit to the Audi
torium on Nov. rs. The tragic and the
comic elements of the negroes in a
white civilization are equally empha-
sized. Against the baleful figure of
the yellow plotter Cleo are set the
laughing darkies, Andy and Minerva.
Merely to look at them is to smile.
and their grotesque carryings-on cause
shrieks of mirth.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
The ADVICE OF A FRIEND
Given to Those Who Need 1t.

San Francisco, Cal-"To everyone
who is rundown or who needs a good
blood purifier l want to recommend
Vinol the great cod liver and iron
tonic. l was rundown, feeling badly
and only weighed about 40 pounds.
took a course of Vinol-it purified
my blood, gave me fine appetite, and
built me right up. Now l am we'll and
strong, weight 175 pounds, and, in fact,
never felt better in my life John s..
Charles, 1864 18th ST.. San Francisco,
Cal. eve guarantee this testimonial
to be genuine)
Vinol is a delicious combination of
the health-giving properties of the
Gods liver, with the grease elimin-
ated, and tonic iron added, blended in
a mild medicinal wine.
If your blood is poor or sluggish,
your appetite poor, your digestion
weak or your vitality not up to the
standard, or if you are suffering from
chronic coughs, colds or bronchial
troubles, try bottle of Vinol with
the understanding that your money
will be returned if it does not help
you. 1t could not do what all these
people claim it did for them If it
was not honest.-HAYS & FIELD.
Hattiesburg, Miss.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
Thanksgiving Cards Free

Not Cheap Trash, But 10 Beautiful
Ones.
want to send free to every reader
Of The Hattiesburg News, 10 beauti-
full, imported, embossed, colored
Thanksgiving post cards. all different,
without any advertising on them what
ever.
| do this because I want people to
know the high grade cards carry at
manufacturers prices. If you prefer
beautiful Christmas or New Years
cards say so when you write. All I
ask is that you send me cents in
stamps to cover postage. Address, C.
7. TOMBSTONE, Pres. Dept. 24s Ro-
chester, N. Y.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
AN ALGERIAN HOTEL.
Tho Attempt to Describe Its Attrac.
tons In English.

Tho Attempt to Describe Its Attrac-
tons In English.
Things are not always us they seem
even in an advertisement This truth
dawned upon Robert Crawford when
he was In Algiers, and he tells of the
reason for his conclusion in "Reminis.
cences of Foreign Travel" Mr.. Craw
FORD, not being satisfied with his lodg.
ings, procured a copy of the Journal
des strangers and proceeded to look
up hotel.
After a patient investigation the
choice seemed to lie between two
One, according to the notice, possessed
every Anglish comfort" and had .'larg''
as well as small apartments. The 9th
Grand / was strongly drawn to it,
advertised as follows:
Fir Glass House.
Full South.
Mis- Of larg Pare.
Tramways to and from towen every 10
minutes.
l found the place To my surprise
there was no conservatory or glass
house of any kind and no fir trees. As
1 pondered over the fact the solution
suddenly came to nett was FIRST
class house." of course. What of tho
rest of the advertisement? The hotel
had a southern aspect and was situat-
ed In a park. As for the tramway.
that was pure fiction.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
FIRST SYMPHONY CONCERT.

New Orleans, Nov. 1.-THE first
concert of the 1901 series of the
New Orleans Symphony Orchestra
will be given Sunday afternoon. An
attractive low price will bring out
students and music lovers. An ad-
mirable program has been arranged.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17

A college girl told how she had been
cured of the ugly habit. when a little
girl, Of sticking out her tongue when
writing. She was working on writ
ing lesson one day when the teacher
called to her the full length OF the
room:
Mary you are making capital LIS
when I asked for capital P's.'"
How did you know that | was
wrongr' the little girl asked.
Il could TELL" said the teacher. by
your tongue."-Detroit Free Press.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1910-11-17
THE HATTIESBURG NEWS

mans are largely in control of the
coffee plantations of Mexico and ship
most of their product to the father
land. 1t is also stated that Guatemala
growers have fine crop of coffee this
year.