davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
When the Fish Exploded.

Somebody discovered that fish are
fond of gasoline, and this led to the
idea of soaking worms in gasoline in
order to make them more alluring
when used for bait.
Mark the result
Two of those gasoline-tempted fish
exploded in the frying pan, and broke
the kitchen window, and blew the
cooks face full of mashed potato, and
hurled the teakettle into the -four
barrel, and painted the kitchen ceiling
with stewed tomatoes.
Call 1t lying world and let it go at
that.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
SIiuhtIy Confused.

All of us become confused and all Of
rs mix our language sometimes, but
the preparation of an old negro
preachers sermon was the greatest
confusion Of metaphors l ever heard,
says traveller. When the lengthy dis
course was nearing its close and he
had reached his "Twenty-third and
lastly, brethren" he wound up by the
following elaborate figure:
@Everywha, bredren, we see de al
mighty-all down de untrodden paths
OF time, we see de footprints of de
Almighty hand Human Life.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
A Liking for "Hamlet."

do you like Hamlet?" asked the
hostess of her unlettered, If gushing,
guest.
Indeed I do" was the reply. II am
excessively fond of it, but I always
prefer a savory to a sweet one"
There was a momentary confusion,
and then the hostess realized that the
admiration of the guest was of Gull
mary, not literary, character.
II gave her ham with an omelette
for breakfast next morning" said the
hostess, when telling the story
Scraps.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Even the Children.

Ex-Governor Pennypacker, condemn
ing in his witty way the American
divorce evil, told, at a Philadelphia
luncheon, an appropriate story.
Even our children" he said, ARE
becoming infected. A Kensington
school teacher, examining little girl
in grammar, said:
"What is the future of II love?"'
ga DIVORCE the child answered
promptly"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Active Possession.

Guinevere, aged four, was going out
70 walk with young lady, of whom
she was very fond. AS they opened
the street door they were met by
swirling cloud of dust, blown up from
the thoroughfare
Keep your lips tightly closed, Gwen,
or you'll get your lungs full of mi
crobes," warned the young lady.
Gufnevere pondered a moment and
then, looking up, demanded:
What are your crobes?" -National
Monthly.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Kept witt, Barnunn's Circus.

P. T. Barnum, the famous circus
man, once wrote: II have had the
Cuticura Remedies among the con-
tents of my medicine chest with my
shows for the last three seasons, and
can cheerfully certify that they were
very effective in every case which
called for their use."
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Ridht at Home,

New Arrival-Do you recognize the
profession, my good man?
81. Peter-Profession? What pro-
fession, sir?
New Arrival (resentfully) - Why,
didn't you ever hear of me? I am one
OF the dandiest harpists that ever
broke into vaudeville.-Puck
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Where Size Counts,

Edna thoughtfully considered a COW
that was calmly grazing in a meadow
across the way. Mamma, how old Is
that cow?' she finally inquired. "She
Ii four years old" answered Edna's
mother. Edna considered the answer
and from time to time appeared to be
comparing herself with the COW.
We'll" was her parting comment on
the question, I'm five and that COW
Ia big enough to be fifty"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Sometime Dreadful,

Wee Anita was listening to story
of the Johnstown flood.
what made it," she asked.
"Oh, the dam broke" replied grand
ma.
The next morning she ran into her
brothers room and, climbing up on
the bed, inquired anxiously: "Buvver.
wasn't it Just drefful bout that swear
breaking and killing all dose peopleT
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Scandal.

Mrs. Simmonds glanced at the scare
headline: Bank Robbed! Police at
Seal" and laid down the sheet.
"Naow, look at that, Ell" she etac-
ulated, repeating the headline aloud
Here's a big city bank broke into by
burglars, and tn city police force all
off fishin' somewhere! What a scan
dal!"-Judge.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Sourse of Revelation.

Twenty-seven new, crisp, 81 bills,
says Harper's Weekly, weigh as much
as a $40 gold piece. Wouldn't have
thought it, and have no means of
proving the assertion, but if so it is
probably owing in some way to the
recent activity of the inspectors Of
weights and measures.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
A BUSY Life,

Sub-Editor-A dispatch from the
penitentiary says the convicts have
struck and refuse to work unless they
can have pie twice a day.
Great Editor busily)-Counsel mod
Grafton and arbitration.-New York
Weekly.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

Mr.. Henpeck-I don't want you to
put "Requiescat in pace" on my wife's
tombstone. Make it "Requiesco in
pace"
Stonecutter-But that means Il rest
N peace"
Mr.. Henpeck-I know, and want
you to sign it Husband"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

were highly colored and scalded terri
bly,. Marked improvement followed
the use of Doan's Kidney Pills. In six
weeks was a we'll woman. My friends
and relatives marvel at my recovery"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. so cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Then It Happened.

What made you think he would
propose to me?"
why, when I refused him he said
he didn't care what became Of him;
but perhaps he wasn't serious. -
Houston Post.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
II You Are a Trif,e Sensitive

II You Are Trifle Sensitive
About the size of your shoes, many people
weaf smaller shoes by using Aliens Foot Ease,
the Antiseptic Powder to shake into the shoes:
It cures Tired, Swollen, Aching Feet and
gives rest and comfort. Just the thing for
breaking in new shoes. Sold everywhere, 25c.
Sample sent FREE. Address, Allen S. Olmsteds
lie Roy, N. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Mere Men.

He-I dreamt last night that your
mother was ill.
She-Brute! I heard you laugh in
your sleep.-Life.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

Your side of the argument may be
convincing as far as you are concerned,
hut what is the use If it doesn't con-
vince the other fellow?
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

dates back to the
time that women
may expect nature
to b ring on them
the Change of Life.
I got a bottle Of
Lydia E. Pinkham's
eye BILE Com
pound and it made
me feel much better,
and I have contin-
ued its use. I am
very grateful to you
for the good health
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

Mr.. Wise-It's a fine machine, but
have to employ man who does moth
ing else but keep it in the repair.
Auto Agent-Well, If it furnishes
steady employment for one man, it's
a great deal better auto than those
that don't.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

A fool man appreciates the nonsense
of pretty woman more than he does
the sense of homely one.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

The days are not mere repetitions of
themselves; tomorrow will have bet
ter meaning-T. T. Munger, ID.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Mixed.

"shall I put these two articles by
Miss scribble and Mi. Poetaster under
the same heading?"
"By no means. The two are not at
al ON the same footing"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

Mrs. Wlnslow's Soothing Syrup.
Turchildren teething softens the gums, reduces n
daInmaton alays palm. cures wind collie. Sc beta
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

Dr.. P1erce's Pleas Pellets regulate and inv1g-
crate stomach. liver and bowels. Sugar-coated.
tiny granules. easy to take as candy.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
WOMEN
OF MIDDLE
AGE
Need Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Brookfeld, Mo.-"Two years ago I
was unable to do any kind of work and
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

The busy man wonders how the
loafer manages to live.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
Very Rude.

so the bookmaker wouldn't take
your dollar bet?"
mo: the rude fellow told me that
Wall street was the place for the
small investor"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

But it doesn't rain very hard on the
unjust If he is roosting under a stolen
umbrella.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

The man whose bluff Is not some
times called never existed.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17

invalid. I lay in bed
unable to move hand
or foot. My right
limb was swollen to
twice normal size. I
looked the picture of
death and my case
puzzled the doctors.
The kidney secretiOns
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA

no DRIVE OUT MALARIA
AND BUILD UP THE SYSTEM
Take the Old Standard GROVES TAsrEI4 HsS
CHILL TONIC. You know what you are taxing
The formula is plainly printed on every bottle
showing It Is simply Quinine and Iron in ia st,-
less form The Outline drives out he The malaria al ~,
dealers for 30 years Price so cents
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
ln1porrant to Mothers

Important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
signature s1atn s's &HzAzzsN
In Use For Over 80 Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
I | s.

81 have suffered with piles for thirty
six years. One year ago last april be-
gan taking Cascarets for constipation. In
the course of week I noticed the piles
began to disappear and at the end of six
weeks they did not trouble me at ALL.
Cascarets have done wonders for me- Z
am entirely cured and feel like neW
man." George Kryder. Napoleon, o.
Pleasant Palatable, Potent. Taste Good.
Do Good. Never Sicken Weaken or GRIPPE.
10c, Csc, Soc. Never sold In bulk. The gen.
uine tablet stamped &C. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back. 920
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1910-09-17
A MARVELLOUS RECOVERY.
How a Chronic Invalid Regained Per-
feet Health.

MrsssRay Trusner, 80 West Third
ST., View Albany, Ind, says: Kidney
disease had rendered me chronic
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
CARRIED HER LAST CARGO.
Schooner Anderson to Be Dismantle6
and Made Into Houseboat.

The two-masted bay schooner n B.
Anderson has carried her last cargo on
Chesapeake bay and having outlived
her usefulness is to be dismantled and
the hull converted into q houseboat
The vessel for over thirty years had
been in active service on the bay
and it's tributaries. but a few weeks
ago she was caught in heavy
gale on the bay and was dismast-
ed. She was finally towed into the
Great Wicomico river for harbor and
after looking her over there Capt
Elijah Boston. her owner and master,
decided that she was not worth re-
pairing and to abandon her.
The old craft has been stripped OF
everything Of value and the hull will
probably be broken up to get at the
metal in II. X she is not found
available for use as a houseboat.
The old schooner has since the day she
was launched always been a money
maker. but even money makers have
TO die. The vessel was build in Mat
thews county. Va, in 1871. and regis
tered forty three tons. She was sixty
FIVE feet eight inches long and had
ample beam to give her stability on the
water without detracting from her sail
ing qualities.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
HANDSOME POWER BOAT,
William C. Handbags New Launch
to Be a Model

William C. Hamburg Of this city is
building in. the boathouse adjoining
Regan's marine railway a handsome
power launch, which he hopes to have in
readiness for service in the latter part of
the corping month. The yacht is being
built from a knocked-down frame and the
planking being placed upon it Is Of white
cedar. The new craft is thirty-two feet
long and eight feet beam and when she is
launched will draw about three and one
half feet of water. She will be equipped
with the latest type of yacht outfittings
and will have sleeping accommodations
for about six persons.
The launch is to be equipped with a
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES engine. of a make
yet TO be determined, and 1t Is thought
that this power will drive the boat
through the water at a speed Of eight or
nine miles an hour. She is to be used
when completed for pleasure cruising on
the Potomac river and Chesapeake bay
and will fly the pennant of one of the
local yacht clubs.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
HENRY ]. DALEY DEAD.
Musician Fails to Find Health in
Colorado.

Henry j. Daley, an employee Of the De
partment of Agriculture, died at Trinidad.
Col. Sunday night.
He was prominent in the Washington
Choral Society. leader of the singing in
the Epiphany Sunday school and q MEM
Der of the choir there.
The work at the departemat. where he
had been employed about five years, was
exacting. and in addition to his many out
side interests caused the young man TO
lose ground physically. Last winter he
took heavy cold of which he could not
get rid
lie was transferred to the bureau of
animal industry and sent TO Colorado in
the belief that the change of work and
climate would restore him.
His trouble developed rapidly into tuber-
culosis, TO which he succumbed SUNDAY
night His wife and his father were with
him at the time.
The body will be taken TO his former
home at Troy. y. Y. for burial
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
WOULD ABOLISH SENATE.
Maryland Sociologists Favor Negro
and Woman Franchise.

After cleaning UP some routine business
late yesterday afternoon the Maryland
and District socialist congress. which
had been in session for two days at
Pythian Temple, adjourned.
The resolution adopted by the congress
which caused the most comment was one
urging the abolition of the United States
Senate. Another, which favored negro
franchise, was adopted after much dis
cussion. Still another favored woman
suffrage.
The resolution advocating the abolish
ment of the United States Senate is in
line with similar resolutions that have
been adopted by the socialists in all parts
of the country. In discussing negro fran
chise some of the delegates made bitter
speeches against any form of appeal for
negro support.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
DOINGS OF RIVER MEN.
Henry Ashton Accepts Place as As
siatant at Morgue.

Henry Ashton, formerly Waterman at
the harbor office, has accepted the posi-
tion of extra assistant at the morgue.
and has entered upon the discharge of his
duties c. III. Little. formerly fireman
aboard the police tug Vigilant. has been
made Waterman to succeed Mr.. Ashton.
Capt. Frank Luckett, master of the
steam yacht Gretchen, belonging to
Mayor Reyburn of Philadelphia, Is with
the yacht in northern waters for the
summer.
Capt. Bell. master of the yawl yacht
Sesbelle. IS experimenting the work be-
ing done aboard the vessel, in order to
get her in trim as soon as possible for
her annual summer cruise in New Eng
land waters.
Ernest Moulden has been appointed as
sistant TO ]. P. Phillips, agent of the
Potomac and Chesapeake Steamboat
Company at this city, and has entered
upon the discharge of his duties.
James O'Connell, the newly appointed
night engineer OF the harbor police boat
Vigilant. has entered upon the discharge
of his duties.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
Police Association Election.

The annual election for officers of the
local Policemen's Association is being
held today in the Police Court building.
The polls opened at o o'clock and will
close ut O'Clock this evening The
election is in charge of a committee in
Guiding A. Mckie. Gustave Lauten, j. l..
Billmsn and W. c. Farquhar.
rhe candidates for the several Offices
are: President. c. F.. Smith and ]. J.
Murphy: vice president. Otto Sontag and
A v. Brown: recording secretary, j. r.
Thompson and Sylvester Murphy; finan-
cial secretary. W e. Farquhar and A
W. He'll; treasurer. Henry Gilbert and
T. p. keieher; trustee, to serve three
years, l.. J. Quill and J. 7. Wittstatt.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
TRACK EVENTS FINALS :
RUN IN HEAVY RAIN
Municipal Games Otherwise a Great
Success-Prizes Awarded
to Winners.

Rain could not spoil the enthusiasm
of the several hundred athletes who
gathered at the newly constructed
track near the bathing beach yester-
day afternoon to compete in the flrst
municipal games.
Had II not been for the many con-
testants who tried for places in the
short running events. probably half the
program could have been run Off on a
dry track. AS 1t was many heats had
to be run before final event could be
started.
The rain came down in torrents jus.
as the finals in some of the most in
teresting events were to be called.
After wait of an hour the athletes
sailed forth from the locker house and
competed sopping wet, but full OF en-
thusiasm.
Gold. silver and bronze medals were
given to the prize winners.
The summaries:
50-yard sack race for schccIboys-First. l.
Hunt; second, L. Holland; third. q. Crawford
looyard race. for boys under 10 pounds-First,
1. Bowen: second. T. Stokes: third. e. W. Thrall
potato race for schooIboys: Is yards-First. O.
Iawrenson; second L. Holland; third. Z. Ban
nsrd Time O.36
Spectacular race: each contestant to carry a
valise in which there is a pair Of shoes. a hat
ond, C. Brainard: third l.. Holland Time, 2.l4
n.d mill rnEirst VI Young second v"
go yard run-Ffrst. r. stokes: second. E. w.
Thrall: third, c. King. Time. O.27 %:
Mile run-First. J. Stecker second. q. Holland;
third. ". T. Thorn. Time, 5.2I.
75-yard dash-First. =. ". Thrall: second G.
Magma I'd; third. w. Robinson. Time. O.O6 As.
25yard dash, for boys twelve years and under
First. t. A. Fuller: second, y. Grace; third, G.
Crawford. Time. o.O3 -.
50-ya-d dash, for scheolboys First. J. G.
Young: second, o. Meade third. H. COlman.
Time COS 3-5
1oO-yard senior-First. W. Rathbone; second.
c; King; third F. w 1hrali Tine. OIL nat;
ser: second. r. Brandt: third. T. Shpley. Dis.
tance 10 feet 6 inches.
Potato race. senor-First, ". RathbOne: Sec
ond, G. King: third. II. Hennig. Time. OBS.
440-yard dash-First, L. Bowen; second. z.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05

Despite the rain that caused delay
for several hours. the Fourth Of July
celebration yesterday afternoon and
evening on the site of Fort Bunker Hill.
near Brookland. under the auspices of
the University Heights Citizens Associa-
ton was fully carried out
Patriotic exercises were held late in
the afternoon. in the middle of the fort
site. Athletic contests for boys. girls
and young men. including about twenty
ED events, followed. Day fireworks
were then set off. At 8 o'clock there
was a night display that rivaled the
big event at the ellispe.
During the afternoon and evening
music was furnished by the Naval Gun
Factory Band. The celebration was under
the direct supervision of Joseph Berg.
president of the citizens association.
Results of Contests
The results in the athletic meet were
as follows:
JO-yard dash for young men. eighteen
years and over-Won by Walter Louthan
second, Walter Middlekauff.
5O-yard dash for boys between fifteen
and eighteen years-Won by Lester Hard
SStS SeCOHU, bufn1e Snltn-
5O-yard dash for boys between twelve
and fifteen years-Won by T. Bean: sec
Ond, e: Sullivan.
5O-yard dash for boys between ten and
twelve years-Won by H. Bean; second.
1. Lord.
2o-yard dash for boys between seven
and ten years-Won by H. Ralph; second
J. Saunders.
H-pard dash for boys between five and
seven years-Won by A. Schneider; Sec
ond, NJ. Bean.
5o-yard dash for young ladies-won by
Miss Emily Hetfield; second, Miss Mary
Exner
O-yard dash for girls between fifteen
and eighteen years-Won by Elizabeth
holster: second, Frances Smith.
5o-yard dash for girls between twelve
and fifteen years-Won by Clara Frank
second. Esther Smith.
JO-yard dash for girls between ten and
twelve years-Won by Anna Lessnitzer;
second, Lucy Louthan.
25-yard dash for girls between seven
and ten years-Won by Ruth Clayton;
second, Mamie Bakersmith.
2o-yard dash for girls between five and
seven years-Won by Dorothy Roddy;
second, Julia Gardner
25-yard dash for children under five
.years-Won by Katherine Rider.
One-mile race for men eighteen years
and over-Won by L. Lynch; second, G..
Childress.
1dii-Hlie race lot men eighteen years
and over-Won by W.Louthan; second,
L. Lynch.
Potato race for ladies--Won by Miss
Catherine Mahoney; second, Miss Blanche
Bailey.
Potato race for men-Won by G. Reyes;
second, T. Curran.
Peanut race-Won by Madelaide Near
die: second, Eleanor Washington.
Three-legged race for boys-Won by A..
Bailey and r. McCraight: second, w.
LOuthan and B. Washington.
Sack race for boys-Won by T. Bean;
second, T.. Sullivan.
Sack race for girls-Won by Esther
Smith; second, Isabel Garges.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1910-07-05
Fourth at Camp Good Will.

The children who are enjoying the cool
breezes .of the country at Camp Good
viii had their Fourth of July celebration
all to themselves yesterday.
In the evening there was a display of
fireworks following recital of the earlier
history of the United States relating to
why the Fourth is celebrated and the
lessons of the American revolution. The
last number on the program at the con-
clusion Of the pyrotechnics was ice cream
and cake, served under the direction of
Mrs. Edna X. Bushee, who was in charge
of the event.