The Holbrook news., 1910-05-27
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 Good heavens. What is the mat ter?" The people on the second story have gone away and left their auto piano playing. g.''-Fliegende Blaetter.
 Mistress-Anna, you've been wear ing my patent leather shoes again Anna-So sorry, ma am. but I always mistake them for my rubbers- gendorfer Blaetter
 Willie-Ma. can't I go out on the street for little while? Tommy Jones says there's a comet to be seen. Moth er-Well. yes; but don't you go too near.-Bcston Transcript.
 Do you give your wife an allow ance?" Yes" How much do you allow herr" Don't you think it is rather impertinent for you to ask what my salary is?"-HousIon. Post.
 But why do you put your friends things in the dining room?" "Oh, he l is so used to restaurants that he won't enjoy his dinner unless he can watch his hat and coat'-Louisyille CoT-is- JoErnal
 Motorist-As it is my fault that you were upset, I will make good your damage at once. How much do you want? Victim-How. much does the gracious gentleman usually pay?-FIie. gende Blaetter.
 Post Office Clerk-You've put twd penny stamps on your letter. The post age is only one penny. Old Irishman Sure, niver mind. My sons in the post office. so it'll all help towards his wages.-Tit-Bits
 Died in poverty" cried the phiios- opher, scornfuliy. Died in poverty. did he, an you expect me to synpa- thize? Gorstrooth, what is there in dying in poverty? I've get to live in it."-Sporting Times.
 Hubby-Tm really quite proud of you. You've actually saved some money out of your allowance. Wife Yes. It was so simple. l wish I had thought before to have things charged. Chicago Daily News.
 Miss Sweet-It is just the sort ofiea- sagement ring I preferred. None OF my others were nearly so pretty. How thoughtful of you. George&Not at all. dear This is the ring I have always used-Kansas City Journal. Yes, I was fined $500 for putting coioring matter in artificial butter" Well, didn't you deserve it?" Per haDs But wAat made me mad Has that the judge who imposed the fine had dyed whisaers. ."-Cleveland Leader.
 She's going on the stage" ''Is that so? She can't sing, and I never saw her act" T know, but that's all she can do. Her husband deserted her. and she never learned to work at any thing before she married" d."-Detroit Free Press.
 Please, ma'am," said the servant there's a poor man at the door with wooden legs" Why, Mary" answered the mistress, in a reproving tone, what can we do with wooden legs? Tell him we don't want any."-Lippin- cott's Magazine.
 Well, here I am," announced the fashionable physician in his breezy way. And now what do you think is the matter with you?" Doctor. hardly know" murmured the fashion dOIC pdblCAG- W AlelN Ao AOW vile Courier-Journal.
 T am told that King Edward sends a daily message to his chef compli- menting him On his dinner" 'Yes,l answered MT. Crcsslots, i've are all of one common humanity. Even. a king has to go out of his way to jolly the cook Washington Star.
 Visitor-It must be a gigantic task to run a great newspaper like yours Editor-Not at all. It's the easiest thing in the world. Dozens of my friends as well as perfect strangers come in here every day to tell me how to run it-Chicago Tribune.
 Seymour-Why did you leave Elan nigan's boarding house? Ashley There was too much sleight-of-hand work going on. Seymour-Sleight-of- hand work? Ashley-Yes; Mrs. Elan nigan got the coffee and the tea from the same pot-Chicago News.
 The Judge-Did you arrest this chauffeur for speeding? The Police man-No, yer honor; I pulled i'm in fer obstructin' tn road; he was goin thirty miles an hour, an he was com plained about by them that was riding at tn regular rate.-Chicago News. Dying Plumber (to son)-You1l find I ain't bin able to leave you much money, Bill; it's all got to go to ye: mother and sisters. But I've be- queathed you that there job at Mug ley's we've bin at such time Don't 'urry over it, Bill. and it'll always keep you out of want. anyway-Tit-Bits.
 Honey, I can't find a retraction Of that story about your sisters elope- ment with the Chinese cook after pot soning her husband and forging her fathers name to a S50,000 check! Where did you see it?" Its inside. my dear, next to the Lost and Found o,5 eiza of