davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
WHAT rs THE SECRET
OF IRISHMAN'S WIT !?

whether Irish wit Is due to in
geniousness or simply to a confusion
of intimate and remote relations has
never been solved" said A. Latady, but
one thing is certain, that they are eth
er the quickest or the dullest people
on earth. An Irish client came into my
office one morning to consult with
me. I was looking over a paper in
which l had just read a joke about an
Irishman and a friend of his who had
been reading epitaphs in a cemetery.
One of the monuments, according to the
story, had engraved on ii:
Sacred to the memory of a law
yer-and an honest man.
A'Whoy in TIL wurruld,' remarked the
Irishman, did they put two min in wan
gravel?
Il read the Joke to my client who
had just entered. A broad grin spread
over his face and he observed with
the least hesitancv:
"'Well, Mr.. Latady, putin tn two
min in wan grave wasn't so bad: but
OF can tell you they put the honest
mon in bad company, an he'll have a
hard time explainin' it at tn day O.
Judgment
Another of my Hibernian friends
came in one morning who wanted
Swim kinds O. law on his neighbor,
who had tied his dog down In TIL snow
and froze TIL baste.' He was ex-
tremely violent and declared that if
that neighbor were present in the Of
flee he would ram his umbrella down
his throat. open it and 'toorn TIL spal-
pane inside out
BE calm T demonstrated. The man
is human
Human! Human is her he ex-
claimed. He's no more human than OF
amt
1.-The which let whose can resolve"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Ne.ys of Bay Minette

Bay Minette, August 6.-(Special.)-
The meeting which was held in The
courthouse last evening under the
auspices of the Bay Minette Business
Mems league was one of the best of
it's kind eyer held here. The talk OF
Erwin Craighead of Mobile was the
chief address of the evening and much
enthusiasm was stirred up and many
excellent points forwarded for the
identifying of the town and advanc-
ing it toward a manufacturing center.
Announcement has been made that
the new Foley bank will be opened
for business on September 1. The
building has been completed and tn e
fixtures are being installed
A number of cotton growers have
reported that they have a number of
open bolls, but A. j. Lancaster OF
Stockton was the first to bring any
to Bay Minette. His yield will be a
good one. He states that he will soon
be ready to begin picking and then
the rush will be for the first bale OF
cotton.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
MIR. NILALLEN APPOINTED MANA
GER OF e. e. FORBES PIANO COM
PANY OE This CITY

This announcement will be of unusual
interest, not only to the business world
of this city, but also to the great throngs
of music lovers Mr.. McLallen is not only
a thorough piano man, but also a musi-
clan of unusually fine ability.
Mr. McLalen has devoted lifetime to
his line of business He started at the
bottom of the ladder and won his promo
ton to the top rung In one of New York s
piano factories. For the past Is years he
has occupied some very important posi-
tions in New York city, Buffalo, and re-
Gently resigned a responsible position in
Atlanta, Ga. 4 ee
Mr.. McLallen has also at different oc-
casions visited this section of the south
in the interest Of the New York manufac-
turers, who he represented and in doing
so he was greatly impressed with the Won
derful developments of Birmingham. In
fact he came here with the set purpose
of embarking in business, but Mr.. r. E.
Forbes, the president of the E. E. Forbes
Piano company, made him such flatter-
Ing proposition that he desisted from his
original plans and accepted the RESPONSE
bic position of manager of this old reliable
plano house. Mr. McLallen brings with
him pleasing personality coupled with
an exact knowledge OF his business. He,
as we'll as E. e. Forbes Plano Co., can
be congratulated upon the connection,
which will undoubtedly prove of mutual
benefit.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
JUSTICES HAVE SOME
SCRAMBLES FOR TRADE

During the time when the justices
of the peace in jefferson county We're
paid in fees and they received nothing
unless the defendant was convicted,
said Judge II. B. Abernethy, 1.-THE con-
stable appeared in justice court down
near Bessemer with about a dozen ne
gro craps shooters.
1.-The prisoners We're arraigned and
the judge said: Line up there and
hold up your right hand Now, hold
up your left hand
Then he said to the constable: Mr..
Constable, examine the prisoners and
see if the state is ready for trial
The constable searched each negro and
reported: Your honor, the defendants
haven't a cent
promptly announced the Judge. The
state is not ready. These cases are
continued until pay day
"A similar case occurred shortly af-
ter when l was sitting in my office
and a justice of the peace entered,
pulling his hair, frothing at the mouth
and terribly worried. He said he had
law question which had kept him
from sleeping for several nights. j
asked him if 1 could help him. but
he said that it was impossible. He
ndu loOheu tuIOuSn Tic NllOlS SOdc uiu
couldn't find case in point.
"Why, what's the matter? I Dues
toned.
Its a case in my court he an
swered, and both sides are able to pay
costs
THE justice of peace system" con-
tinued Judge Abernethy, rs just like
running a short order restaurant. Ii
you are not pleased with your eggs,
YOU can go across the street and try
another court. It's competition bust
ness and the justice Is looking for
trade just like the fellow selling shoes.
1t is an abominable practice and
am glad to see that Montgomery is
trying to follow Jefferson's example and
get rid of them"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
SARCASM CAUGHT
EAR OF THE COURT

lone of the most amusing cases that
have ever listened to was one in the
police court some time ago." said Isadore
Shapiro, young attorney of this city.
ut did not possess any specially in
terestng legal points nor did it have
any serious aspects, but it demonstrated
quickness for repartee that is seldom
equaled. But, to the story:
"a negro man was arrested late one
evening in a restaurant for some slight
offense. He was very much better than
ordinary negroes, according to his opin-
ion, and did not relish the idea of be-
However, the power of the blue coats
prevailed. The negro was one of the
newly created kind. with a smattering
of education. He appeared before Judge
Feagin the following day.
after hearing the testimony the judge
very quickly assessed a fine of a few
dollars. With a great deal of impudence
the negro addressed the court:
" If it pleases your august honor, I
have the sum you have just named right
down here in my jeans.
Judge FeaSin peered over his glasses
at the negro, quickly recognized the thin
veneer of sarcasm and the august court
added, much to the chagrin of the ne
gro:
- And 100 days in the city jail. All!
Have you that in your jeans also?
1.-The negro was led away to the city
jail. thoroughly convinced that justice
may be melted out in several different
ways, and probably also convinced that
1t is best to let what is apparently well
enough alone"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
SOLDIERS MARCHING
THROUGH COUNTRY

Huntsville, August Especial )-Batter-
les d and e and the headquarters band
of the First Field artillery spent last night
In camp at Brahan Spring and left this
morning for Athens. and from that point
will march to Florence. The detachment
is under the command of Colonel Rumbo,
and it is composed Of about 24o men, 300
horses and about dozen pieces of artil-
lery. They left Chickamauga about
week ago and will complete their hike at
Corinth, Miss, where they will board
train for Fort Sill. Okla. When they ar
rived here the artillery had completed the
toughest part of the journey through the
mountains of northern Alabama. The
heat has been intense and the trip has
been a trying one to the horses drawing
the heavy guns. Three or four days ago
a heavy wagon fell over sideways and in
jured four men. The command is in ex-
cellent condition, however, and the hard
service has been a benefit.
The Business Mems club invited Colonel
Rumbo and the officers to remain over
Sunday with their men, but this was Inn
possible.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

| idated by such perverted cndfSes ds
Samuel Butler makes in his Hudibras,
where 1t Is said that
| Pettifoggers damn their souls
To join with knaves in cheating fools
Most probably they lack the leisure,
| too, for in this age few members or
the profession can boast of the degree
of visible prosperity displayed In Juv-
| enafs Matho, the pleader, who was
| wont to be CARRIED about town in state
| in litter that was full of himself
What Manly Allen in his automo-
bile? No, indeed; he's the busiest soul
alive.
aside from the daily routine, the
current matter of professional nature
| of most interest to a district where a
large proportion of the population is
| engage in unavoidably dangerous en-
ployment is the tendency toward legis-
| iative and voluntary worlSingmen's
compensation systems. The careful
study of the question is making 1t pos
| sible for large employers of labor to
add an accurate percentage to their
cost sheets to make fair compensation
to injured employees and the general
| recognition of the policy is making 1t
economically practicable for employ
ers to add this item of cost to the
price of the article in competition with
other producers.
THE general adoption of this prac-
tice WILL of course, materially reduce
the volume of litigation and it should
be an acknowledged credit to the pro-
fession that their control of Legislation
In America has never retarded meas
ures directly reducing their emolu
ments. The most graphic illustration
OF this fact is the bankruptcy law,
which has put an end to that vast lit
lgation growing out of the state laws
with reference to assignments, fraudu
lent conveSances and the scramble for
preferences out of the assets of fail
ing Debtors"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
PROGRAMME FOR
TODAY'S CONCERT

Shows Birmingham concert band Will
present the following programme al
CAPITOL park this afternoon, commence
ing promptly at 4:So O'clock instead
of as on last Sunday;
March, 1.-THE Paraders" (Walter
Rolfe).
Overture, La Croix De Jerusalem
(M. Bleger).
waltz, "sobre Las Olas' (Rosas).
Selection from 1.-THE Dollar Princess
Cleo FalD.
American Home Songs emil Archery.
Intermission.
.'Rainbow" Indian intermezzo (Wen-
rich).
Overture, 'Nabucodonosor' (verdi).
Dream waltz (W c. PowelD.
"Ghost Dancers Patrol" &C. w. Gas
toni.
Grand selection from Faust, (Gou-
nod.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
WARMERS SAFE CURE

Mrs. G. Boole, of w. Winnipeg, Dick
ems, Man., Can, writes: 81 am pleased
to inform you that have been greatly
benefited by the use of Warmers Safe
Cure. | had been i'll for some time,
| had been to several doctors, and they
all told me l had severe kidney troub
| lie. Two doctors said it was Brights
disease and there was no cure.
| Before taking Warmers Safe Cure
could only sit bolstered up with pill
lows, could not sleep more than one to
two hours at time, and my agony
was terrible The first two bottles
gave me relief and l could sit and
sleep better By the time / had finish
ed the sixth bottle of medicine l was
able to do my homework comfortably.
| have taken about Is bottles of War
ner's Safe Cure, and several boxes of
pills. l still continue to take it at
times, and the pills I keep as house
hold remedy.
| | cannot speak too highly of your
medicine, and only wish l had COM
menced its use sooner, as / am sure 1t
would have saved me many hours of
agony"
! Warmers Safe Cure has been tested
many years and has always been found
to be wonderful remedy for all forms
of kidney and liver disease. 1t is a
stimulant to digestion and awakens
the torpid liver, putting the patient into
the best receptive state for the work
Of the restorer of the kidneys. Put up
in SOC and $1.00 sizes, and sold by
| druggists everywhere.
| For constipation and biliOusness take
Warmers Safe Pills, purely vegetable,
absolutely free from injurious substan-
ces, perfect laxative. They do not
grippe or leave any bad after effects rs
cents box.
| To convince every sufferer from dis
ease of the kidneys and liver that WAR
NER'S SAFE CURE will absolutely
cure,a sample bottle and sample box
of Warmers Safe Pills will be sent
FREE OF CHARGE, postpaid to any
one who will write WARMERS SAFE
CURE CO., Rochester, N. " and men
ton having seen this liberal offer in
the Birmingham Age-Herald. The gen.
uineness of this offer Is fully guaran-
teed by the publisher.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
HOY Charged with Abduction

Florence, August 6.-(Special)-
william Rhodes, a groom of IT. and
Clara Davis Rhodes, his bride of ID.
were today hailed into Squire c. w.
Lemay's court by the irate father of
the bride. Sydney Bevis. The boy was
charged with abduction for the purpose
of marriage and a charge of perjury
was made by Mr.. Davis against his
son-in- law, Wasley Perkins, who Sc
cured the marriage license. The Bevis
and Rhodes families are wealthy and
influential residents Of the Burcham
Minis neigh borh God.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
AT SHELBY SPRINGS
BY WALTER HARPER.

Shelby Springs, August 6.-(special)-
-Oh!"
The low, hysterical cry of woman
voice directly over me gave me such
start that I slipped and my arm soused
full to the shoulder in the spring of cold
water.
Then the voice laughed-a merry, tan
TALKING laugh that was provoking till
got a glimpse of the lips that emitted the
voice ripples and the dancing eyes that
emphasized the merriment.
Then l flushed and stammered.
Lifting myself to a squatting posture,
sat for full minute gazing almost idiotic
into the most beautiful young face had
ever beheld
Pardon me for laughing-and you are
a stranger" The face had become sud
denly serious, but no less beautiful.
II will grant the pardon, if you will
permit reversal of our relationship"
What are your credentials?''
1T am plain but honest man."
How nice
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Florence Wants Filtered Water

Florence, August 6-(Special.)- AT a
special meeting of the Lauderdale
County Medical association, held for the
purpose, the city health officer was in
structed to request the management OF
the Florence Water Works company
to employ competent engineer to look
into the matter of securing apparatus
to filter the water supply of Florence
and to report to the association at once
The subject has been agitated lately by
public spirited women of Florence, who
declared the muddy water a menace to
health
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
$575O.O0

80 acres, fee simple, Ideal
location, 10 miles from heart
of city. On three railroads and
public road. Easily worth 500
an acre. Must have money to
protect valuable options, hence
the low price. Your own terms.
OWNER, P. o. Box ga.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
LAWYERS SHOULD BE
WRITERS OF ROMAN E

almost every conference with clients
in lawyers daily routine IL
illustrates the romance of the law. ="
said Forney Johnston. so much So,
in fact, that it is astonishing that few
of this noble army of martyrs turn
their hands to literature. Perhaps, as
the Brownings said, law is lime kiln
that dries all souls to the same color,
or maybe their literary sense Is 1ntim-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Remodeling Newspaper Plant

Huntsville, August 6-(Special.) 1.-The
old Mercury building on Franklin street
is being remodeled and will house a first
class newspaper plant with modern equip
ments when completed. The publishing
company has purchased perfecting press
and other equipment and will convert the
Mercury Banner into metropolitan
newspaper this fall, 1t is announced
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

Cases which prove of unusual interest
TO lawyers are such as will also prove
of interest to the general public. A
number of Birmingham attorneys were
asked again yesterday what cases in their
practice had most interested them during
the year The following are some of
the repies
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
Selling seditious Literature

Calcutta, Aug. 6.-(Special. 1.-The po-
lice are again active in Calcutta, seizing
sedicious pamphlets and searching hous1
es 1t is reported that Kamalish Raj
uncle Of the Rajah of Nalganga, was
shot and is in a critical condition. Hd
was suspected of informing the policd
against political agitators. Lord MoreJ
has sanctioned the Introduction of 8
of the sedicious meeting act
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

Belgrade, Aug. 1.-THE Servia Steam
bot Direction have solved long stand
ing question by deciding that the calves
and kids which follow their owners on
board and play about the deck of the
regular service boats shall In future pay
full passenger fares.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
MIS-. Bcttic Foster Pointer Die.

Huntsville, August 6.-(Special)- Mrs.
Bette Foster Pointer, formerly of Deca-
iu,. 1.ed several days ago In Texas. She
-ae lister of Ephriam H. Foster, for
mc u III attorney Of this city, and was
related to several families here Five chill
drrn survive her.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

Tate Springs August 6.-(Special)-
In the ladies' golf tournament, Mrs. G.
S.. Norton of Memphis won, with Miss
Bland Tomliuson Of Birmingham, run
ner up. S&
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
ADVICE FROM
EX-DRUG USER
CIVIL ENGINEER
VICTIM Of WHISKY

Read the Following Testimonials From
Persons Who Have Been Successfully
Treated By the james Treatment for
Drugs, Alcoholism and Tobacco Hab-
its, All of Whom Highly Indorse the
james Treatment
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

When went to the James Sanator-
1um at Memphis, Tenn, for treatmen'
for the drug habit 1 was using ten
grains of morphine per day. l f1rst
took the morphia on account of sick
ness, and finally got to that stage
where I was respondent and felt that
there was no cure for me. These
thoughts made me reckless and l felt
like ending my miserable existence, but
finally went to your Sanatorium and In
three short weeks 1 was well and
consequently happy man, and am
glad to say to those who are now sur
fering as l did that there Is painless
cure in your treatment for them II
they will go to the Sanatorium, OBJ
serve the rules and regulations and
give you their honest cooperation, as
j did, they will soon be free from their
bondage and enjoying good health.
wishing you and your good workers
avery success, I am your ex-patient,
l. C. PAINTER.
1877 Pike ST. Huntsville, Ala, Jan. IL
1905.
LETTER FROM HIS WIFE
MT Painter reached home this morn
ing and gives your. treatment praise
for his present improved condition, ano
! cannot express my thanks for the
great good your treatment has done
him. Yours truly, MRS I. c. PAINTER
Huntsville, Ala, Jan. IL, 1906.
Mr. Charles B. James, care James
Sanatorium, Memphis, Tenn.-Dear Sill
and Friend: According to promise wher
left your Sanatorium, / now write yor
how 1 am getting along. l am glad to
say that l am doing far better than
had expected. Previous to going to
yobr Sanatorium, 1 had been drinking
nearly one quart of whisky day fol
about two years, and could not do my
work except under high pressure
was therefore badly addicted to the
use of whisky.
NY stay at the James Sanatoriun
was a great pleasure to me. l never
met a more agreeable or sociable SET
of gentlemen in my life. Nearly all OF
them were or had been social or finan-
nial leaders in their communities. There
were of course, a number of mechanics
FARMERS, merchants, also lawyers, doc
tors, ETC., among the patients. 1t seemed
natural for the gentlemen connected
with the management of the Sanato-
rum to be pleasant and make one fee
At home, and / shall always have 6
pleasant memory of my stay and treat
ment at your Sanatorium.
With kindest regards to you and al
others connected with the Sanatorium
8 am, very truly. your friend,
Rosedale, Miss. j. M. MBROOM.
"Your Tobacco Treatment has HAD
me desired effect. -" have not tasted
tobacco in any form since October Is
1 have gained 10 pounds in six weeks
So II. A. OWEN.
Mabel, Miss.
JAMES, HOME CURE REMEDIES
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
BRIGHT'S DISEASE

Since Mrs. c. Booe was cured of this
dread disease, when her doctors
said nothing could be done, she
would not be without this remark
able medicine In her home.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

JAMES HOME CURE REMEDIES
Will be furnished at the following
prices:
Whiskey, wine or beer ........$ $3.50
Tobacco, cigarettes or snuff. 800
Nervousness and insomnia 1850. 500
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

It is worth the price Of adj
mission to hear the orchestra
at the Princess 4
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07
More Stories Told By
Birmingham Lawyers

idated by such perverted charges as
Samuel Butler makes in his Hudibras
where 1t is said that
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1910-08-07

'Pettifoggers damn their souls
To join with knaves in cheating fool
The Lynden tribune. [volume] (Lynden, Wash.) 1908-current, 1910-10-27
RoIIino CHARS.

II is common to hear men complain
of poorly made cigars, but it is not
always because cigar is indilferently
or badly made that the wrapper curIs
up and comes off. Much oftener this
comes from the cigar having been
rolled by a makers left hand and later
smoked from the hand Of a right
handed man. All cigarmakers must
use both hands equally we'll, and econ
omy both in time and material is the
prevailing rule in tobacco factories.
When piece of tobacco is cut for the
wrapper it Is cut on the bias and rolled
from left to right on the filler and at
the same time and by the other hand
the remaining pieces are used, being
necessarily rolled in the opposite way.
For this reason the man who holds a
cigar in his right hand. which always
gives few twists during the course
of smoke. rubs the wrapper the
wrong way. and easily enough it be-
comes lOosened.-Chicago Tribune.
The Lynden tribune. [volume] (Lynden, Wash.) 1908-current, 1910-10-27
BRETON LAsSEs.
They Show No Regret In Parting With
Their Luxuriant Tresses.


Their Luxuriant Tresses.
A correspondent writes from Pom
tiyy. Brittany, giving some interesting
facts of hair market" there. 1t is
stated that in different parts Of the
motley crowd there were three or four
different purchasers Of this commod-
ity. who travel the country for the
purpose of attending the fairs and buy
ing the tresses Of the peasant girls.
They have particularly fine hair and
frequently In the greatest abundance.
There seemed to be no difficulty In
finding possessors Of beautiful heads
of hair perfectly willing TO sell.
I'VE saw several girls sheared. one
after the other. like sheep. and as
many more standing ready for the
shears with their caps in their hands
and their long hair combed out and
hanging down to their waists.
NO doubt the reason of the indif-
ference to their tresses on the part OF
the fair Bretonnes Is to be found III
the invariable mode which covers ev-
cry head from childhood upward with
close caps, which entirely prevent any
part of the hair from being seen anu
of course as totally conceals the want
of IT The money given for the halr Is
abop. 20 sous or else a gaudy cotton
handkerchief. The purchasers net Inn
Mense profits by their trips through
kbe try."-BOston Herald.