davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

There was day when Padcrewskis
English was not fluent One evening
before choice company In his ele-
CANT apartments In New York he was
showing few highly Hattercd callers
how to do this, that and t'other on the
keys Of his grand plano, explaining In
bad English rs he went. OF course the
man was present who is ever ready TO
supply a word when speaker hesi-
tates The famous artist, landing with
both hands ns II he had Just dropped
from the ceiling. exclaimed, "Harmo-
nyr All npplauded the perfect con-
cord. He shot down again like trip
hammer and would have exclaimed
ngain, but the word refused to come.
"what you cnlI--cr-er''-- "Discord."
put In the supplier Of words. Paderew-
skis hair stood straight out, and his
face was white and red with anger.
Jumping up from the stool. he sput-
tered: "Decscorti mol With mo a
dcescort iss eempossibler' He would
not be persuaded 10 touch the instru-
mcnt again that night. The uninten.
tional insult struck deep.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Oswald's friends were always on the
lookout for some ruse. He once noti-
fied them that on New Years day he
should get the best Of them all In some
joke, and New Years morning each
received this notice, Remember"
They were on their guard.
As they were leaving house where
they had breakfasted Oswald slipped
on the steps and fell on his back on
the sidewalk. His friends rushed to
his assistance. but paused before they
reached him.
This Is his ruse," some one said.
Clearly the man who was 80 proud
OF his talent for mimicry was bent on
dccclving them all into thinking him
a dying man. for he lay there moan
Ing pitIfully, his face drawn and twist
ed as II with terrible pain.
His friends stood around and made
jokes and puns and hummed lines OF
comic songs, assuring him all the
while that they were not deceived by
his acting. AT last he gave a hoarse,
mournful cry, looked ut them sadly
and then ceased to moan or writhe.
In n never to be forgotten moment Of
horror and sorrow his friends realized
that Oswald was dead.-"Souvenir
dun vieux Libralre."
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

"Fog Eye" Smith Of northwest wyo-
ming bore an appalling facade. His
style Of beauty was blight Depend
Ing upon his horrific exterior. he was
In tho habit Of trying to awe newcom.
crs. On one occasion, affecting some
displeasurc at the manner In which
pallId stranger watcred his liquor.
Mr.. Smith announced. frowning. that
unless hc detected immediate amend
mcnt he would send the neophyte
homo IN a market basket. (which Ill
sure tear you up whole lot" said
Fog Ego. Half an hour later MFR. Fog
Eye was found CROPPING about on the
noor under the poker table hunting
for his glass eye and muttering To him.
self. The stranger asked with some
evidence OF impaticncc what new line
Of sentiments Mr. Smith was now har-
boring. That injured resident, glar-
Ing malevoicntly from beneath the fur
niture. replied. (Which I sure do hate
man with no sense OF humor."-
Argonnut.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Cauuht the Old Sailor.

II was n clever lawyer IN Boston
court who took advantage Of the nau-
tlcal knowledge he possessed to work
upon the mind of juryman who did
not seem to show much comprehension
Of case Of suing n street railway for
damages.
The dull member was an old sailor.
who, though doubtless very keen OF
perception along some lines, was new
ertheless rather slow In his under
standing Of the points involved In the
case being tried. says the New York
Journal. The lawyer noticed this and
made his strike with this particular
man. Approaching the jury box. he
addressed himself to this one juryman
and said:
"Mr. Jurymnn. will tell you how II
happened. The plaintiff was In com.
mand Of the outward bound open car
and stood In her starboard channels.
Along cnmc the Inward bound closed
car, and Just Ms their bows met she
jumped the track. shcercd to port and
knocked the plaintiff or and ran over
HIM"
The sailor was ali attention after
this version OF the affair and Joined
In 5000 verdict for the injured
man.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Tale Of Two cjsh.

A story II related Of a Manchester
fisherman who once tried to lure tho
dainty trout from some Of tho nearby
brooks. Tho fisherman did not get .
bite In tho brooks. He drove back to
Manchester rather disheartened and
went to a restaurant to got something
to eat He asked the restaurant keep
or II he had any trout and received an
affirmative reply. He ordered some Of
the trout for his supper and then told
the proprietor that he might put two
or three Of tho uncooked nsh In bis
fish basket out at the door. ~ he
didn't caro- to 20 home and receive the,
rnillery Of his friends. The proprietor
Of tho restaurant told one Of the clerks
to carry out tho order. and II was sup
posed to have been done faithfully.
hut tho clerk was not very alert.
ard when the Hesherman got homo
and opened up tho Ash basket to his
astonishcd wife there reposed two nne
salt mackercl. and the fisherman has
not got through explaining yet.-Asn.
chester Union.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Mules and Kindness.

''In the fifteen years that ] have
been connected with societies for the
prevention of cruelty 20 animals IN
this and other cities I never have re-
ceived complaint alleging cruelty 10
mule" said the humane looking
man. "That immunity Of mules from
harsh treatment Is an interesting ques.
tion. Why are they immunef There
arc plenty Of mules. even In New
York. Does nobody beat themf Does
nobody underfecd themf II not. why
notf Does mule show such de-
cided ability for taking care Of him
self that his owner is afraid 10 abuse
him. or do men beat mules and escape
punishment because the persons who
witness tho beating think II Is only a
mule and not worth bothering about?
What IL the explanation OF that phase
of the mute question anyhowr'-New
York Press.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Inserting running mercury In the
backs Of swords was a comparatively
common practice among the Italian,
French and Spanish swordmakers Of
the sixteenth and seventeenth centu-
ries, but II Yves more Of d fancy than
anything else, for It never came into
general use. II was not, Of course,
used fos rapiers or the lighter kind Of
swords, but for the heavier cutting
swords. The method was to cast the
blade rather broader at the back than
usual. with q hollow running down It.
This was half filled with quicksilver
and sealed up. The idea was that when
a blow was struck with such q sword
the quicksilvsr would ny to the point
and no increase the weight Of the
blow. This theoretical advantage. how
ever, did not at NIL counterbalancs the
general clumsiness Of the weapon and
It's unhandiness In guarding, and 20
the mercurial swords, as they were
called. from which their ingenious In
ventor hoped 80 much. were rather
military curiosities than practical sue
ccsacs.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
The Cllnohina Araument.

"A young man representing a well
known make OF motorcar had called.
discussed intclligently the points of
the automobile hc was endeavoring 20
sell. had given a fiawlcss dcmonstra.
ton
But the prospective amateur motor
ist before mortgaging his house still
wanted to bc thoroughly convinced,
and NO hc said: "what you say about
your Cur may bc all right Tho en-
gine runs very nicely. ana II looks
good to me. but tell mo ono thing
have you ever sold amy OF these cars
to your own personal friendsr'
Tho salesman smiled. slave ~
Why. three months ago was engaged
TO n girl. and sold one OF these iden-
teal ears to my prospective father-in-
lnwr
"Did you marry the girlr'
"Yes. indeed! Two now got the girl.
q contented father-in-iaw and an en-.
thusIastic customer as WELL"
IIe made the Satellite.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

An Aneedsto ~ General jackson.
General jackson while on one Of his
Journeys to Tennessee about the time
of the nullincation excitement arrived
at virginian village In very impa-
tient state Of mind. both with public
affairs and with the state Of the roads.
The president was entertained as Q
guest at the house Of lady in the VII
lage. and. although he tried to be po-
lite, the state Of vexntion which he
was In affected him visibly. a.
His hostess 1t the supper table was
much alarmed to see the general swal-
lowing with great rapldity cup Of al
most boiling hot tea. fs,
"Wait-wait, generalr' exclaimed the
lady. LET me give You some cold wa
ter" w
"No, thank you, ma'am," said tho
general. continuing to drink.
But I don't see how you can drink
that boiling hot tea without scalding
yourself"
mo wonder you can't. ma'am," said
Jackson. II am scalding myself"
But. sir. why do YOU
Good gracious, ma'amr' exclaimed
the general. "Don't you sec that ]
want TO scald mysclfT
The lady refrained from making any
further suggestions as to her distin-
guished guests comfort.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
orloIn Of .xxss.rsd s,oek..

Tho expression "watered stock"
which describes NO well the expansion
OF the stock Of a company beyond the
value OF the property, originated, II In
said, IN connection with Daniel Drew.
who was once the wealthiest and most
unique manipulator In Wall street.
Drew had been drover In his younger
days. and II was said OF him that be-
fore selling his cattle In the market he
would nrst give them large quantities
OF salt 10 make them thirsty and then
provide them with NIL the water they
could drink. In this way their weight
was greatly Increased. and the pur-
chaser was buying "watered stock"
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
rO WATER CONSUMERS,

Your attention Is called to Section
]. X. & L. Of Ordinance r6.
]. All persons intending to use
water through hose for spriukliug
yards or sidewalks. or for washing
porches or windows, must Gle
written application in the Office Of
the Water Works at the beginning
Of each year. or BEFORE com
Inencing to 50 use the water. Those
who then agree to pay for Its use
during the months Of June. July,
August and September. when they
pay the usual water rates for those
months. may use II for the purposes
applied for. free Of charge during
the other months Of the year, PRO-
VIDED. the family. store or other
rate is paid. Those not agreeing
must pay the rate In full for each
month during which any water at
all Is used through hose. Those
who pay for spriukling yards may
sprinkle the sidewalks bordering
their premises without additional
charge. Those who do not intend
to use the water through hose
should remove all hose connections.
X. The use Of water through
hose for sprinkling streets Is for
hidden under any circumstances.
L. Sprinkling hours between 5
aud 8 A. M. aud 5 and 9 p. N.
St. Johns Water Works Aud
Lighting Co.. BY P. II. Edlefseu.
Manager. .'
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Think This Over

IT does not take an average man
very long to see the natural advan-
tages OF St. Johns in as far as loca-
tion aud the many other advantages
20 towards the making OF fine
and prosperous, live city. This
needs no comment. But there are
other things besides natural advan'
tages necessary to make up thrifty,
live, progre ,sive city. Does St.
Johns possess these qualitiesl Blu
siness men, professional men and
working men, and every citizen OF
St. Johns. just please stop a mo-
ment and give this matter a little
sober thought. Can you expect
your city to make the progress II
should with no organized headl To
be sure The Council have much to
do with these matters, but can You
or should you expect the city
councilmen on salary of " 90
per week to look after the thousand
and one things which are constantly
coming up and which need the
best possible concerted effort Of
our city. II is not one or two or
half dozen mems business, il is
every citizens business; aud every
citizen Is, OF should be interested III
an organization of some kind. Call
it Commercial Club" Business
Mems Association BOARD of
Trade" or what you will, you
cannot deny the absolute necessity
for some such organization to hold
regular meetings, where all can join
and make suggestions and hold dis
cussions in friendly and business
like manner; where each and every
one should meet on friendly terms
and for mutual benefit. and where
politics, religion and petty person
alities. above all things, should be
left behind and all be ready aud
willing to help push, even though
you feel that you are not able to
spend even the small annual dues.
II the organization can be made q
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

representative one so that when il
places its approval on any measure
that may come before 1t aud makes
recommendations to the Council or
other officers. it will have the force
II should, because il would show
them that il was the sentiment of
the most progressive people Of the
town, and, hence, would be respect
ed. In fact. there are thousands Of
good reasons for the existence OF
such an organization aud II seems
to me, not one against il. Why
not wake up and help do thingsf
George won't. Citizen.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
A Little Too Much.

"A wife has a right to expect much
OF her husband" remarked the philo-
sophically inclined person musingIy.
"Yes. suppose she has," replied the
meek appearing man with wiIted look.
ing whiskers. II suppose she has. but
when she expects him to live up. stead
lily and without swerving. to the motto
ON her FIRST husbands tombstone l
somehow think she = expecting more
than she really ought 70 expect from .
common. everyday. earthly man."
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

II suppose you talked a lot Of non-
sense TO your wife before you were
married"
"Yes." answered Mr.. Meekton. "Be-
fore we were married she thought my
nonsense sensible. Now when ! try to
talk sense she thinks it's nonsenss"-
Exchange.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
To Rest His Eyss,

The people who quit reading 'just to
rest their eyes" might take hint by
inference from the reply made by an
old illiterate. A passing man found
him apparently deeply Interested In a
paper.
On looking close Il became apparent
that his paper was upside down. and
he was asked forthwith why he held II
thus.
His reply almost knocked the ques-
tioner out. II was:
Just 10 rest my eyesr'
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
The Final Transaction.

Father" said little Rollo, what Is
the ultimate consumer?"
"IIe IL the last person, my son. that
an article reaches In It's commercial
existence"
Il know what you mean. He's a
man who goes into hotel and orders
chicken sh."-Washington Star.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

~ despise hypoerIte," says Boggs.
$50 do l." says Cloggs. Now. take
Knoggs. for example. He's the biggest
hypocrite on earth. despise that
man."
"But you appear to be his best
friend"
"Oh. yes. try 10 appear friendly
toward him. II pays better In the end"
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
hsr Nationality.

When small sigrid made her nrst
appearance In an American school.
says Harpsr's Magazine. she was ask
ed the usual puzsling questions. one
Of which was;
"what h your nationality. sisridr'
"Sigrid tossed her 0axen braids.
"rm an American OF Norwegian de-
sign" she said promptly.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Ouser Men.

"Some men are 80 queer!'
"And you are going to tell me- OF one
particularly queer one"
Eyes. It's Mr.. Barberton. His wife
used to beg him for nickels and dimes.
and now he's cheerfully paying her a
hundred a week for alimony."-cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Concerning the Charter
Amendments
ST. Iohns. March II. 1910.

To The Editor / wish to say a
few words relative to the proposed
amendments to our City Charter.
The sections proposed to be
amended are I7-3o-3I-4I-42-6o-7r
and roa.
Section II as proposed to be
amended provides that every cleo
tive officer and every appointive
officer shall hold office until his sue
cessor is elected, or appointed and
qualified instead of, Until his Sue
cessor is elected and qualified" the
proposed change adds the words
"or appointed"
The proposed amendment for
Sections 3o-3r-4I-42 and GO is for
the purpose Of changing the time OF
our city elections from the first
Monday in April each year to the
first Monday after the first Tuesday
in November, 1871, and bieiinially
thereafter. Each of these sections
has to do with changing the time
of elections and nothing else.
II the voter is in favor of having
our election IN November instead
of April and further believes that
1t would be for the best interest of
the city to have the city officials
hold Office for two years instead OF
one he should vote to amend Sec
tions 3o-3i-4I "a and GO. II how
ever, he favors an annual election,
he should vote "No" on each Of
the last named sections.
The proposed amendment of Sec
ton II gives the Mayor and City
Council power and authority to
lease public wharves and docks be-
longing to the city for period not
to exceed twenty-five years; where
as under our present Charter like
property can only be leased for
term not to exceed FIVE years. Said
section also makes more definite
and certain the procedure as to
giving notice and the manner Of
making leases and sales Of real
property belonging to the city.
Section Io7 as proposed to be
amended Is unchanged with the ex-
ception OF subdivisions II aud IA.
Subdivision II provides that no
lot. or part thereof, etc, shall be
assessed for any local or special
improvement to exceed the assessed
valuation instead of 80 per cent
of the assessed valuation as now
provided.
Subdivision II as proposed to be
amended provides that where the
assessment against any lot, or par
Gel OF land. etc., for any local ini-
provement exceeds the assessed
valuation of any lot, etc, as the
same appears from the last annual
assessment roll of the County AS.
SCISSOR, the City Council may. by
ordinance. appropriate a sufficient
amount from the general fund to
pay for so much Of the costs OF such
local or special assessment as shall
not be provided for by assessment
upon the property specially bene.
fitted by such Improvement instead
of "when the assessment of any |
lot or parcel OF land shall exceed
so per cent of the assessed valua-
ton Of any lot, etc" as now
provided.
II this section is amended, each |
lot or tract OF land within district
may be assessed for said local i'm
provement in an amount equal to
the assessed valuation OF said lot or
tract OF land as shown on the as
sessment roll Of Multnomah County, |
whereas under our present Charter
the City Council can only assess
benefits equal to so per cent OF the
assessed valuation of the lot.
ii. T.. Collier,
City Attorney,
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

"whitcomb Is an Independent think
err"
"He Tsp
Eyes; he even dares to say the clock
In the railroad station Is wrong
Buffalo Express.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Rehearsals will begin in a few
days for the Western Border Drama
in three acts, entitled "Borderland,"
1t will be presented in about three
weeks by local talent. under the
management Of Mr.. w. II. Shank
land. and promises to be especially
interesting.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

All records broken. used to be
the old cry. but not so since the
Columbia Indestructible records
were placed upon the market. St.
Johns Pharmacy, agents.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

'You say you left the house this
morning and than went back. Don't
you know that's unluckyT
1T would have been blamed sight
uniuckisr for me- u ! hadn't gons
back"
"Why sof
MY wife called me.S-Lppineott's
Magazine.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Do you know we were threatened
with extinction by the big cut
raters OF Portland for underselling
them. Welh we were. st. Johns
Pharmacy,
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
lnspirlnp Air.

He-so you think married life ought
to be- one grand. sweet songf She
Yes. He-And what air would you
prefer for this matrimonial songf She
A millionaire!
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
pyins to Tell.

"Jack. Dolly told me the most excit-
ing secret aud made me swear never
to tell a living soul"
"Well. hurry up with It. Fm late
for the ONCE now"
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Casey's wife wac at the hospital.
where she had undergone ssr1ous op-
Grafton few days before.
Mrs. Kelley called TO inquire - 10
Mrs. Casey's condition.
lis she restin' Quistlyr Mn. Ksl-
ley asked.
mo. but ! am" said Cassy.-nx-
change.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Als Vae&kly Tasls.

do you think the deacon win BE-
entirely happy IN the hsrsaftsrr
"Why noty'
~ fear the eood man win tel lonely
with no church mortgage 70 uft"-
Louisville Courier> Journal
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

For Sale-soxIoo lot on Ivanhoe
St, Deferred payments, $500 per
month. Small amount OF cash.
Owner. Il. c. Hurlbert, 3o3 Port
land Boulevard,
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

The ladies Of the M. 4. church
will serve a IS cent diuner aud sup
per in the I. o. o. II. building on
election day, Apr. 4th. They win
also have a apron booth where
They will sell aprons, coarse and
fine,
Big and small, for short and tall |;
Any kind you wish at all.
The Junior League will conduct
a candy booth also.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
tjjs Statua

"well. my little man." inquired a
visitor pleasantly, who are your
"I'm the baby's brother" was the
ingenious reply.-Truth Seeker.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Groom modern house. full base
ment, iooxIoo. fine improvements:
lot is worth 81 800. can't he built
for less than $Isoo. Can be had for
a few days for $4,000. half cash.
balance on easy terms II you
want river view bargain. this Is
Il. Two lots OH corner, more than
full lots. 5000; half cash. another
bargain. Two full lots. not far out.
$4So each; Sioo down. balance
small monthly payments. $rioo,
full lot. good two story 4-room
house, improvements paid and
house furnished. Small payment
down and easy monthly payments.
Timber and farm land to trade for
St. Johns property. Come over
and see us; II you have any prop.
erty to list for quick sale we want II.
MCKINNEY & DAVIS.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

"Don't you honestly belisvs thess 4
more good than evil n the wosidy'
"Ah! You've found dollar you
didn't know you had. haven't yonv-
Chicago Record -HoraA
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18
Rseiprooal hslp.

Doctor-Well, my good woman. what
do you wantf Beggar-A quarter, doc
tor. Give me quarter aud Ill tell
everybody that you helped me.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

To stir up ths phonegysph busi-
ness Q little ~ ase gotug 10 cell
three Photographs and . dozen
records with eoch machine tor ex-
actly the Wholesale prick. See our
ad. St. Johns Pharmacy.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Lost--A baby's bracelet, some
where on or near Jersey st. Re-
turn to r. d. Jackson.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Next week is Phouograph week
at our store. Come in and We will
explain to you. play for you, and
even sell you machine. All kinds
Of supplies. st. Johns Pharmacy.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

See that measly drug store ad on
the other page. or wherever Il Is.
II may interest you.
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

II takes sthrung man % b mean
whin ] give . tip ~ not because
want to. but hecauss Tn afraA q
what the walter n thlnk.-Ar. Doolsy'
St. Johns review. (Saint Johns, Or.) 1904-current, 1910-03-18

Death is the golden key that opens
the palace Of eternity.-Miltou.