The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1910-03-10
'OSH'S c N OPENER
INVENTION SURELY LOOKED
LIKE A WINNER, BUT
Marvellous invention Was Brought 10
Nousht Through Devices Of Naughty
Burglar, While the School
Teacher Wondered.

| Dave, having chosen q fat cigar, be-
ing of methodical mind, rung up five
| cents on the cash register and seated
himself with his heels on the stove
| He blew reflective cloud of smoke,
which, incidentally all landed in Hi
ram James left eye When the
laughter occasioned among the com.
pany by Hiram's back somersault had
I died away, Dave, being king in his
own bar, began:
! 'ralkin' bout cranks and bugs,
don't know II any Of youse boys knew
Josh jerks what used to live here
| way back some years. ! guess We
| don't. Josh was the most ALFRED
mechanical cuss | ever sot eyes upon.
an that's sayin' no few. Always in
ventin somethn', he were, except the
way to make money, which was bad
for Josh, not to mention trade. l took
a frienly interest in Josh, him beini
by way of distant relative of mine,
and ofttimes of an AFTERNOON Josh
would look In an sit on that stool an
talk, not that his talk was easy to get
at, always bout triangles an dnny.
mics, which took was to do with lee
| trlcity
Things was goin' bad with Josh,
an was sayin' to myself that his in
ventin fever was bout over, when he
comes In one day wavin' great can
an plants 1t on the counter ! ducks
under, thinkin, 1t was bomb the fool
Teller had, but when | sees nothin
doin' pops up, lettin' ON | had been
iookin' for cork, 10, JOSH says T.
Dave, says he, I've got EN- hip an
thigh now. Behold Josh jerks pat
ent self-openin can. Trademark
"Opens at the word O. command"
IT pears he had been readin' some
kind Of a kids book-Ravin' Nights,
or suthin' bout Teller. Ally Baby,
what found robbers cave chockful
of gold dust an joolry, an made the
rocks open when he up an says the
| password OF Open Seize Him, or some
SIGH truck. Well, Josh's idear was to
fix kin of talkin' machine to the
| preserve cans, to work ck'ards, We
see, 80 that when We says Open Seize
Him into hole, the blamed thing gifts
to workin' and OFF pops the lid all its
own. He gifts me to say the pass
word, an III be hanged, if the emery
OIL thing don't give click-click an
act 'cordin' to the word Great, It
was, an lent Josh ten beans to git
It patented, there bein little dear
of me gittin' half profits.
Then Josh takes it roun' TO all the
cannin' firms, an one on 'em was fool
enough to take 1t on trial, the under
standin' beln' that Josh was to git ten
thousan' If 1t were any good There
was no holdin In Josh, an he spends
all he has treatn' the boys an talkin
bout what he was goln to do with
the cash
Soon Josh's cans We're on the mar
ket, an spite of one Dutchie who
come seekin' Johns blood, because he
near starved to death on Sunday
OWN to him ben' unable to say
| Open Seize Him. all went with bells
Then the barrel bust. Some
blamed burglar got into Deacon Walk
er's store, where he had laid in bout
hundred dollars wuth Of canned
stuff with Josh's patent, an like n
doggoned edyut he reads the label
an to to test it, says open Seize
Him. an blame II all them cans
didn't begin to go of like crackers
The neighbors, bearin' the noise, gifts
scared, thinks some yarmiHt is gittin
ready to blast Gunville off the map
an sails into deacon's store. The
burglar gives yell an gifts away b.
back winder while the neighbors do
bout $3.50 damage chasin thro' the
store.
Deacon he comes down on the can
company, an they comes down on
Josh. lent Josh dollar, an there
must be power of interest due, for
to this here day | amt set eyes ON
Josh. That were the last heard on
him, though | guess he's fiyin' air
ships now under nomdyplum.'
What kin of flxin' had Josh on
the CAM" said the school teacher.
"Aw, go on" said Dave Another
of them mechanical cusses. Closin'
time, boys Judge.
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