Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1910-02-11

match her complexion.
Nell-Oh, | hadn't noticed that it was
hanGpainted.
"The way to run this country" said
the egOtist, "is TO put thoroughly wise
capable, alert and honest men in control
of all affairs
'Yes," answered Miss Cayenne, "bul
what are we going to do? There is
only one of you"
DR.. C. Fl. Parkhurst, lamenting at q
dinner in New York the frequency OF
American divorce, said with smile:
81 shan't be surprised, if the divorce
movement keeps on, to see in the papers
new style of obituary:
"Peter H., the we'll known broker, lost
his wife last Wednesday by divorce. Nc
flowers"
"YOu simply cannot trust anybody
declares the lady, according to Life
"My maid, whom had the utmost con
fidence in, left me suddenly yesterday
and took with her my beautiful pear
brooch.
"That is too bad" sympathizes the
friend. which one was it?"
"That very pretty one l smuggled
through last spring"
The great suffragette leader lowered
above the platform.
"The time has come," she shouted
"when | want my name in every fem
mime mouth in the country
Every feminine mouth" echoed the
small boy who had sneaked in unseen
"Hully gee.' Why don't yer have new
chewing gum named after yer?"
Admissions are sometimes made with
out intent. man who had an uncOn
tr0lIable fear of being buried alive, made
arrangements to have his remains
cremated and was talking the matter
over cOnfidentially with his physician
who pOohed at his fears and said: There
need be absolutely no danger or cause
for fear on your part that you will not
be dead beyond all preadventure, if at
tend you at your last Sickness
Little Lucille had gone to church alone
and when asked to repeat the text replied
"Don't get scared; you'li get your quilt.
The mother chanced to meet he minis
ter several days later and told him wha
her daughter said his text had been.
"Well," he replied, "she had the ides
in other words. 1t was, Fear not, for
send you d Comforter"
Henry Arthur Jones. the noted English
playwright, was giving the students o.
Yale an address on the drama.
Your American vernacular is pictur
esque," he said, "and it should help y0ul
playwrights to build strong, racy plays
but neither vernacular nor anything elst
is of moment if perseverance is lacking
mo PLAYWRIGHT can succeed who il
like man | know. | said to the mai
one New Years day:
''Do you keep diary, Philip"
''Yes,' he answered. I've kept one fol
the first two weeks in January for th(
last seven years."
A couple Of young farmers saw long
haired dude coming out of barber-shOp
What do you suppose he went il
there for?" asked one of them.
"Oh, responded the other, "he was
probably getting that lump fixed"
"Well," was the reply, ''if that was it
that barber is certainly an artist. Hi
has succeeded admirably in fixing some
thing that can be worshipped without
breaking commandment. 1t isn't in
the likeness of anything in heaven above
the earth beneath, or the waters under
the earth.
A fairly well to do but rather miserly
farmer said to a friend: Say, Bill, I'm
going to kill my pig. but | owe so much
pork to my neighbors that | shall nave
none left for myself if pay it all back
What would you dO?"
Quite easy to trick 'em," said the
friend. Kill your pig and leave il
hanging outside until late at night, SOS
every one can see 1t. Then take it in
and say some one stole it. Stick to the
tale and you'll be all right
The farmer followed instructions, and
the kind friend watched his chance and
stole the pig. The poor farmer came
around next morning TO tell what hap
pened.
Somebody's stolen my pig" he cried
Good said the friend. stick to it
and the neighbors IL believe you, sure
enough"
But it was stolen, [ tell your
'Excellentp quoth the friend. "Just
you stick to the tale.''
You confoundad assw yelled the
farmer. Don't you understand it was
really stOlenr'
superb laughed the delighted friend
You ought to have been an actor, so you
ought"
Then the farmer slammed the door and
went away fuming.