The San Francisco call., 1910-04-08
BEG PAWOON,' NOT
FOR KITCHENER
Transplanted Englishman From
Arizona Tells General How
American Is Spoke
e 'Ates Champagne and Kinder
Laughs Once in a While,
Says His InterlOcutOr

If Lord Kitchener makes any breaks"
as the result of his unfamiliarity with
American customs and forms of speech
it will not be the fault of r. q. Apsey
of Arizona, his lordships fellow pas
senger from New Zealand. On the Ma
riposa they called Apsey Arizona, \
and his fellow passengers said that he
was the only one on board to whom
Lord Kitchener devoted much atten-
ton.
The first day they met, Arizona dls-
covered that the famous soldier needed
instruction in the American use OF the
! English language. He was telllng Loro
Kitchener about Arizona. The general
| lost the thread of the narrative ana,
leaning forward, asked him to repeat
using the British form:
Il beg your pardon?"
ct amt necessary, Mister Kitch-
ener," replied Arizona" IF you'd put
yer elbow in me ear or had trod on me
! toe, it would be right an proper In you
as gentleman to apologize, but IN TINS
ere particular case 'Sir? is sufficient
and ample"
TUTORS GREAT MARSHAL
Apsey is an Englishman by birth, but
/ has lived in Arizona for more than 40
years. By reason of his birth ne felt
at liberty to assume the role of tutor
| to King Edwards youngest and great
/ est field marshal.
! II took him to task before we went
ashore" said Arizona" after Lord
Kitchener had left the ship, about this
ere beg pardon business. It's not our
style l told i'm. You go about beg
gin peoples pardon and they'll think
there's something wrong with you,' l
says.
An 1 didn't My Lord i'm. neither.
| Els a sociable fellow. f don't put on
no airs. 1 tells him as how we don't
believe in lordshippin nobody. and |
| thinks e took it to cart, for l ears is
valett say to i'm the other day: Yes.
sir, Just like that.
"'E don't know much about America,
though.
"Wiu they ave motor cars in San
Francisco?' e asks.
81 looks at i'm quizzical, and | says:
Us there bees in i've, Mr. kitch-
ener? Not only do they ave motor
cars says 1. but them as doesn't own
their own as money to ire en-
'E 'ATES CHAMPAGNE, roo
"E doesn't like to be fused over.
| w 'erever 1 goes e says, they thinks
to do me honor by bringing out lot
of champagne. l ates the stuff. e
says. wish there was no such thing
as champagne in the world, e says =
| 'brandy's good enough for any man.
Ten days amt much to see America
in but | told i'm ow to go about it.
E was mortal afraid that somebody'd d
steal is luggage This amt like Eng
| land l tells i'm. You amt got to do
nothin' but just check it through, and
Wen you gets there, there it is.
low charmingly simple, e says.
Els quick. all right
eff you gets Anesome.' tells i'm,
tell some of the folks you meet who
you are. They'll take you up and
| make what they call fad of YOU.
"'E don't put on no style. E talks
to me plain as dirt. But e don't know
! much about our 'orses.
I think you calls your 'orses mus
i tangs. e says, interested like.
I'VE ave mustangs, L says, but
halso I might mention we ave some Of
the best 'orses in the world-pure
| American stock
BABIES RIDE ON CHICKENS
Then | tells i'm 'ow as out in Ari-
zony the babies learns to ride on the
chickens. Wen they grows bigger they
rides the pigs, an by the time they're
! big enough to ride a mustang there
amt no better riders in the world. E
looks me in the eye and says:
80 think you're chawffin' me-
1IneN say never lauRnS, DuI InlS
amt so. Every now an then vile
we was talkin' he ulster kinder strangle
an gasp an If l looked up quick there
was a kinder smile on is face. f
laughs all right 1t amt often, but e
does it.
"'E laughed distinctly the day spat
my teeth over the side with a mouthful
of bad whisky. Somebody give me the
stuff to try. Tt took the skin off me
lips an 1 decided quick that it was no
| kinder dope to let inter me stummick,
so l spits it out an me teeth goes at
the same time.
AN You really lost your false
teeth? says Mr.. Kitchener, sympa-
1 thetic like.
"'Well' says I. they amt exactly
lost. cause i knows were they are.
They're 10 degrees south OF the
equator E gives real laugh then
an calls me philosopher. I laughs,
| too, cause l didn't realize then how
it'd be to live on mush an milk fer 10
days.
"'E's fine man, all right, is Mister
| Kitchener. But e don't like no fuss"
/