Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1910-01-01
HOBO SPELLS
HARDLUCK STORY
J WEARY WILLIE FOR SACK OF to-
BAcco LoosENs UP WITH
WEIRD STORY.
TELLS OF TRAV Ell S
Charter Member of Amaiaamated Or.
der of Fatiaued Itinerants Re-
lates How He Came to
Be Tramp.

Say, 30, you don't happen to have
! pipeful Of srnokin' about your clothes
DO your inquired an unusually ragged
booking specimen Of the genus hobo of
u reporter at the city jail the other
evening. The hobo had asked for and
received a nights lodging in the Jail
and had just finished meal on the
lscraps of bread and meat that had
been left by the prisoners.
"Ah. thanks" he continued, as he
,nlled a particularly villainous looking
rob pipe from the newspaper mans
pouch. "Have I got good hard luck
story? Say! If you're willing to leave
this sack Of nerve reducer with me
ri tell you a, hard luck story that will
make any other YOU ever heard sound
like a joy song in comparison, and
will show you that city marshal has
NO more respect for a brave act than
khat bulldog of yours has for cat,
m that an insane commission Is cor
rectlv named. Bargain? All right, here
goes.
Why He Left New York.
Il spent the past summer in New
York City, and the wolf had taken up
such menacin' position toward my
5oor that was compelled to seek en-
ploynent. I secured job as a sand
wich man. Not an ordinary sandwich
man, but an advanced-one might say
club sandwich man.
II did my work at night and the
signs I carried on my back an manly
chest were composed of electric light
bulbs, the storage batteries for the il
Illumination of which ] carried in my
pockets.
THE signs read, stop! Danger!' on
the front. an Avoid loose false teeth.
We guarantee ours as non swallow
able. Snatchem & Fillem, 'Steen
Umpty-unpth street on the rear end.
at 1ol ! ! !,
on the gay white way in the evenin'
an my unique signs attracted deal
Of attention. BY pressin' on certain
buttons on my specially prepared suit
! could make the signs flare up an go
out at will The portable intermittent
announcement was my own idea an
| was rapidly putting the Indian sign
on the wolf when the warm weather
Of Indian summer brought on an acute
attack OF wanderlust.
II battled with the tourist ncrobe
for several evenin's. One night I got
off my course an the first thing
knew the liquor trade winds had blown
me down to the freight yards at Sixty
sixth street. / could not resist the
fascination of the jug-a-run of the
switch frogs in the railroad yards. Di-
rectlsmszsS found myself curled up in "a
FOX car an movin' westward. whittier
knew not nor cared an iota. In a few
minutes / was sound asleep.
When I awoke I found the car in
which I had entrained had been put
out an placed on a sidin' from some
cause an I was miles from any place
of real importance. The wind had
risen an was merrily whistlin' a fan
tasium through the Marcel wave on
my face. l got down on the ground
preparin' to walk in some direction. r.
sure was some distance from my base
r,f AL;
der with my sign strapped to me-
Prevented Catastrophe.
AS I moved away from the string
Of box cars more sturdy gust O. wind
Flan the rest blew down the tracks,
an with creakin an groanin' sever
al Of the cars were blown down the
siin' toward the main track over the
der4il. Instead of the derail thrown
the cars down the bank a couple of
box cars were thrown directly over the
maih track.
II decided that I'd best be on my
way Supposin' there should be bad
wrfck? They would blame me. the
podr, friendless tramp. Therefore, I
staAted to run up the track, in my
clutchin' conclusively at |
she buttons on my coat.
Foot. t-o-o-t, loot, toot,' came |
the double whistle Of a train in the |
distance. I redoubled my speed but |
instantly the midnight express shot |
ricidusly around the curve. jumped !
o oIte side to let the train pass, but to
ny surprise the train slowed down as
t aksed me an came to stop within |
few feet of the derailed cars.
"Glancin' at my breast, I saw the
lights on the front of my sign were |
blazin' forth in tho night. The words
Stop! Danger set forth by the cleo
trio bulbs had attracted the attention
~ l,<,a Al,
l had saved hundreds from
a terrible death
Here's where the hard luck part |
comes in. You know, when a man
saves a whole trainload Of people from
instant death the usual rule is for the
passengers to make big fuss over the
hero of the occasion an end by max
ing up purse of several hundred dol
lars and presentin 1t to the aforesaid
individual with their compliments. Did
they do that with muh? Not
With happy thoughts of how many
nigh ones hundred dollars would buy
walked back to the coaches with my
sign still blazin.' Do the,.. people fall
lpon me with tears of joy? Not so YOU
could notice it. When I went in there
With that sign the people yelled and
made for the other end OF the coach.
The brakeman and conductor had gone
IN ahead to see what was the matter
m two husky travelin men grabbed
ne and walked me up to the town call
tboose.
One of them held me while the
,ther went an woke up the town mar
hal an he came down and locked me
'p. ] tried to tell him that l had Just
topped a train and saved the lives of
thousands of people, but the two ]
RUNNERS pointed at their heads and
lodded significantly, an burned if they |
idn't jug me for bein' nutty-off my ,
ase. =
"The next day they took me before
hree guys who called themselves the ,
insane commissioners, an after hearin'
he evidence of the marshal who said | !
vas found wandering about with that l
ign, hanged If they didn't commit me
0 an insane asylum. They put me in g 6
lace with more people with raty bell t
rvs than ever supposed there was in c
he whole world, and it took me a a
Month before I could convince the V
eepers that wasn't crazy but had
cen taken under a false impression. Y
me mornin' they took me before the
cad keeper, who asked me a lot of
uestions. made me put my finger on
ne end of my nose with my eyes shut,
n lot of other fool stunts an final