The Holbrook news., 1910-04-22

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 Patience-I have been spending a week looking for traces of my ances- tors. Patrice- Indeed? And did your ancestors. wear traces?
 He Gin full uniform)-I love the smell of powder. She (delightedly)- Oh, do you? Don't you think the vio- let scent is the best Amer ican.
 Well, Johnny, do you wish you were a grown-up man?" You bet I do." But why?" "So people wouldn't ask me such fool questions. ."-Cleveland Leader.
 Small Boy-Pa, what is an optimist? Pa-An optimist, my son, is a man who doesn't care a rap what happens so that it doesn't happen to him.. Tit-Bits.
 Do you think you will keep your new cook?" We don't know She has taken us cn trial, but we are in hopes that we will suit" Baltimore American.
 Hostess-You won't come to church with us, then. Phyllis? Phyllis (down for the week end)-I don't think so, dear. You see. shouldn't know soul therei-London Opinion.
 He-When I called you up on the telephone last evening you seemed very cold in your answers. She-Oh, no, really, It must have been the ice on the wires.-Boston Transcript.
 His mother-Chariie, come down from that tree this minute, or I'll call your father! Charlie-Oh. pop can't come now; he's busy writing my com- position for me.-Meggendorfer Blaet- ter.
 Dick-I know a girl who accepts rings from men she doesn't know Clara don't believe it. How could she? Dick-Why, she has to, you know; she's a telephone girl.-Tit- Bits.
 College Student-Roses are red, vio- lets are blue. Send me ten dollars and I'll think of you. Loving Father Some roses are red, others are pink, Enclosed find ten dollars, don't think
 t'But why do you put your friends things in the dining room?" ''Oh, he is so used to restaurants that he won't enjoy his dinner unless he can watch his hat and coat"-Washingt O. O. Herald.
 Elsie-Why is Clara always so short of money? Didn't her father leave her a lot? Madge-Yes; but you see she's not to get it till she's 30, and she'll never own up to that" i"-Boston Transcript.
 There will be a balcony scene in this play" T dare say,' said the cynical manager, .'and there'll prob ably be scene in the gallery and par quet, too, if you ever try to put it on." St Louis Star.
 Wife-Now, see ere. Jim; if yer don't provide for me better I shall quit so I warns yer. Husband-Provide better? We'll. like that. Why, ain't I got yer three good jobs O work this larst nth?-Sketch.
 T married my first husband for mon- ey, and my second for love-" Then you are very happy now, suppose?" No Alas, no. You see, my first hus- band married me for love, and my sec ond for money."-Fliegend Blaetter.
 Post-rm trying to get first-class chauffeur to run my car. Parker Can't you find a good one? Post-No. All the fine ones have made so much that they now own and operate their own machines.-Sunday Maga- zine
 Ethel (calling on her friendjI didn't know you were one of those athletic girls. Madge-What do you mean, dear? Ethel-Look at those foils over your bureau. Madge-Foils! Why, those are my hat pins.-Boston Transcript.
 ''Whativer made thee marry, John and thee seventy?" Because I thowt, lad, it 'ud be nice to think there'd be some un to close my eyes when time ,omed." Close thee eyes! Why, mon. ['se had three wives, and they's all on em opened ne!"-Punch.
 Newlywed-Don't you think, dear, if [ were to smoke it would spoil your Wifey-You are certainly -he most thoughtful husband. It do the curtains any good. dearfe, take the cur aims down.-Kansas City Journal.
 Young Wife-Yes, dearest, I'm go- ng to favor you at dinner tonight with a new cake that I invented all ,y myself. Young Husband (gloomi- y)-Say, I guess this will be good light for me to bring Jim Taggart nome to dinner. I don't like Jim.- Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Say, maw, do I look like you?" Why, Yes. Willie, I think there is Why do you ask?' ,Couca u-han MT Pinfon laid his ri.