The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1910-09-29


Mark Twain never really edited a
farm paper, but he wrote a story, just
the same, telling of an imaginary expert
ence along this line.
The editor of the paper was sick and
wanted a vacation. Mark agreed to fill
his place while he took a rest, and the
editor jumped at the offer.
OF course, being humorist,- the new
editor had to be funny, so he handed OF;
TO his readers such valuable misinforma-
ton as this:
"Turnips should never be pulled; it in
iuries them. 1t is much better to SEMI
a boy up and let him shake the tree.
''The guano is fine bird, but great
care is necessary in rearing it. 1t should
not be imported earlier than June or later
than September. In the winter it should
be kept in warm place.. where i can
hatch out its young.
Concerning the pumpkin = This
berry is a favor.tc with the natives of
the interior Of New England who prefer
it to the gooseberry for the making of
fruit cake, and who likewise give it the
preference over the raspberry for feeding
cows, as being mere filling and fully as
satisfying. The pumpkin is the only escu-
lent of the orange family that will thrive
In the North, except the gourd and one or
two varieties of the squash. But the Gus
tom of planting it IN the 'front.' yard with
the shrubbery is fast going out of vogue,
for it is now generally conceded that the
pumpkin as a shade three is failure"
But just at this time the old editor
came back, and his grief was great. He
is supposed to have talked to his substi-
4ute in the following language:
"This is sad business very sad bus
mess There is the mucilage bottle broken
and six panes of glass, and a spittoon
and two cadlesticks But that is not the
injured-and permanently, I fear. True,
there was never such a call for the paper
before and it never sold such a large
edition or scared to such celebrity-but
does one want to be famous for lunacy
and prosper upon the inhrmities of his
mind? My friend, as l am an honest
man, the street out there is full of people,
and others are roosting on the fences,
waiting to get a glimpse Of you, because
they think you are crazy And well they
might Your editorials are disgrace
TO journalism. Why, what put into your
heard that you could edit a paper of this
nature? You do not seem to know the
first rudiments of agriculture. You speak
of furrow and harrow as being the
same thing; you talk Of the Noting sea-
son for cows, and you recommend the
domestication of the polecat on account
of Its playfulness and its excellence as a
ratter. All, heavens and earth, friend
IF you had made the acquiring of ignor-
ance the study of your life you could
not have graduated with higher honor
than you could today. | want you to throw
up your situation and 60 l want no more
holiday could not enjoy it if | had it.
Certainly net with you in my chair. oh
why didn't you tell me you didn't know
anything abount agriculture?
Mark could only say that if he had
been let alone he could have increased
the circulation of the paper 10000 in
two weeks. "And have given you the
best class of readers that ever an agricul-
turaI paper had-not farmer in it nor
a solitary individual who could tell a
watermelon tree from 4 peach vine to
save his life"