davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Il Was Quite Appropriate.

A famous divinity professor who
was visiting in the north Of England
had been invited to preside at the
church ceremony of the baptism of the
last arrived infant In the already
crowded house of local minister,
The guest gave out for congregational
singing paraphrase much favored on
such occasions.
LET u.s." said he, "sing from the
fifth paraphrase. beginning at the Sec
ond verse. AS sparks in close sue
cession RISE"
To his CONSERVATION the congrega-
ton giggled.
Afterward. asking the ministers
man" what had been wrong. that func-
tionary replied:
I'VE see. professor. the minister's
name is Sparks. and yonder is his
tenth bairn!
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01


Miss Emma Dunlap, who went to
Moscow to spend Thanksgiving with
her mother. Mrs. F. NJ. Mitchell. has
returned home.
Mrs. II. Hawley will leave Sunday
for Santa Rosa, Calf, where she will
spend the winter with her sou Ru-
Jus and family.
Rev J. B. York and Mr.. and Mrs.
John Bremen, came over Thursday
from their homes at Clearwater to
visit the dentist.
Joe Guenette returned Wednesday
from his homestead on the Grange
ville-White Bird divide, where he
has been erecting cabin.
j. Z. Swanson, recently of the In
terror Warehouse company, bought
the J. w. Hockersmith confectionery
this week and has now taken poses
sion.
John bearing. messenger on Uncle
Sans rural route north from town
returned to work this week from a
two weeks vacation. He visited
part of the time in Moscow.
A husky young visitor arrived at
the Hanna home Wednesday morn
ing. Glenn says the newcomer has
auburn locks like the head of the
family, and that he calls for his
meals just like he intended taking
uI permanent residence.
Elmer !. Remington and Miss Ber-
tina r. Eckel, both of White Bird,
were united in marriage in Grange
vile last Saturday evening by c.
T. Mcdonald. The young couple re-
turned next day to their home on
the Salmon river where they will re-
side.
James Sloan returned last Friday
from Portland where he accompan.
led Mrs. Sloan last week for the
purpose of surgical operation. Mrs.
S. underwent the trying ordeal with
great fortitude, and is expected to
soon be able to return home to her
family.
Miss Jennie Decker, of Kooskia,
and N. Litherland, of Sites, son OF
the Presbyterian minister at that
place, were united in marriage on
Thanksgiving day at the home OF
the brides parents in Kooskia. The
groom is head clerk in divers store
at Sites and the bride has held the
position of bookkeeper in the Bank
of Sites.
Fem Batty. Chas. Lee, Fred Cor.
hiss and Jack Devine left last Sun
day morning for the hills in the vi
cinity of Corliss' old stamping ground
in quest of the festive deer. From
the firm cinch taken on the pack
saddle and the determined look of tn.
eye, the Globe game editor believes
he scents venison steak in the at
mosphere.
Mrs. Martin Wagner, who has been
suffering from ill health for some
time, left this Thursday morning
for Hot Lake, Oregon, where she ex
poets to remain a number of weeks
She will be joined at Lewiston by
her daughter, Miss Dorothea, who
was to come down from Spokane
where she has been attending school
to accompany her mother on the Ore
gon trip.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Just Stood Pat.

Talk about being between two fires.
a Camden man was aroused by his
wife the other night. who said she
thought a burglar was In the house
and wanted papa to go downstairs and
chase him. Papa promptly declined.
whats the matterf" scornfully ask
ed wiley. Are you afraidT
NO" replied the old man. replacing
his head upon the pillow. But while
I'm downstairs chasing the burglar
you'll be going through my clothes. 80
it's about six In one and half dozen
IN the other "-Philadelphia Telegraph,
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
THE POINT OF THE JOKE.
Il Was Difficult For the Englishran,
but He Finally Saw II.

but He Finally Saw It.
A party of Englishmen were in Chi.
:ago sightseeing some years ago.
They were entertained at dinner by
some Chicago Englishmen who have
lived in American long enough TO have
keen appreciation of the American
Idea of joke. During the evening all
the members of the party told stories
or sung songs and entertained accord
Ing to their several abilities.
One of the English visitors could see
nothing funny in the stories told by
the Chicago Englishmen Every time
one of them would tell good Amer
lean story at which most of the party
would laugh uproariously this particu-
lar Englishman would adjust his mon
ocle to his eye and. looking wonder
ingly around the table. would remark.
But. say. don't see anything In
that to laugh at. v knaw."
One of the Chicago men finally re-
cited an original poem. The poem told
Of an Engllshman who had come to
America and after being In this coun.
try only short time had died and
gone to another and much warmer
country. Ten years passed. and one
day an imp passing that way heard
the Englishman laughing uproariously
why. what are you laughing at?'
inquired the imp.
"Oh. oh. oh. such funny story as |
heard in America. oh. 1t was SO fun.
ny" laughed the victim. and he held
his hands to his sides and almost dou-
bled up with merriment.
"A story you heard! Why. you've
heard no story" said the imp. You've
been dead ten years."
Eyes, yes. know, know" cried
the man. But I've just seen the
| joke"
This poem set the table in a roar
Amid all the laughing and shouting
the obtuse visitor adjusted his mon
ocle and drawled out. But, say.
don't see anything funny in that y
knaw."
| NO" replied the man who had read
the poem, as quick as a fash. "O1
course you don't. You haven't beer
dead ten years" And even the obtuse
Englishman saw the point.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Frank McGrane Is reported rapidly
improying at this writing.

Frank McGrane Is reported rapidly
improving at this writing.
Mr.. and Mrs. C. F. Brown are plan
ming to spend the winter in sunny
California.
George Behean was up the first
of the week from White Bird look
ing after business matters.
C. C. Call, of the A. g. F. store,
was summoned to Portland last week
BY the serious illness OF sister.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Abrahamson have
been visiting the past week with the
parents of Mrs. Abrahamson 81
Sites.
F. ]. Anderson and Grover T. Bar
ton have opened up a branch OF the
|NSs,ers piano house of Spokane. in
nGity.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Maskers.

Hope. the great explorer;
Love whom none can bind.
Youth that looks before her.
Age that looks behind.
Joy with brow like summers.
Care with wintry pate.
Maskers are and mummers
At nfe's gate.
Power with narrow forehead,
Wealth with niggard palm.
Wisdom old. whose boar head
Vaunts a barren calm;
Naughty overcomers
In their pomp and state.
Maskers all and mummers
At deaths gate!
William Watson
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Train Order. BY Tel.phone.

During the last few years telephdAes
have been installed on a number OF
roeds in place of telegraph instruments
for the transmission of dispatchers' or
ders. The telephone Is used for the
transmission Of train orders on about
30 railroads, the aggregate mileage
operated by these companies is lS1 ,014
miles, and the telephone b used on
26.3a4 mises OF road.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Tn. cemh,,stlh.s cIixa.

AS long ago as the middle OF tho
eighteenth century a famous Georgian
actress, Miss Kitty Give, felt the call
Of the nerves commonly associated
with modern women. The whole
greenroom. according to the author Of
"Garrick and His Circle" feared her
tantrums
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1910-12-01
Her Brand.

Two Glasgow women were strong
supporters of local cooperative
store. But one day as one of them
was passing down the street she was
surprised to see her friend coming out
of licensed grocer's shop. II thocht.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
From Another Point of View

May rockers compel us to bring May flowers
v the way which
fastest?
Greetings to the the
particular
nothing the Hyde 60 into Vaude-
Vile but exhibit
whiewashed why not vote him also rubber
lamp fol occasions?
'' =
providing
hat Il is o effect our meter N.. H..
tragedy It's place
Ensands history Massachusetts, Monday massacre
ought to make sufficient impression over one head
is miles
enough Its tin tied
A patrol dropped violin The
Is a violin y
one promoters
which,
outside
bnaton
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

Jaffa, which was Joppa, the sea-
port OF ancient Jerusalem, has just
had an exposition OF the county fair
type. 1t was novel in that It was a
floating exposition, sent out by Rus
sian firms from Odessa. A big steam
er, containing exhibits of many arti-
Giles from fine silks to model loco
motive, sailed into Jaffa harbor. tied
up at the dock and the exposition was
open. There were candies and
squawkers and toy balloons to amuse
the little Arab kids, while their grave
dads sorted over the exhibits. The
merchants placed orders for great
quantities of goods. So successful
was the fair that the Odessa people
are planning another. Next time two
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

One can but pause, In the midst OF
the rustic and hurly-burly of ordinary
affairs. to note with admiration the
exnedition with which Atty.-Gen.
WIckersham got over to his ONCE ana
discovered the missing LAWYER mem
orandum AFTER the disclosures mace
by Stenographer Kerby.
Some attorney generals would nave
sent a boy. Mr. Wickersham. now
ever recognized the national import
ance of the document, Kerby having
publicly called his attention to IT, ana
did his own leg work. No boys Tor
Wickersham when such mighty issues
were at stake, or when Kerby's cough
M was about TO receive widespread
publicity.
Moreover. even so sharp hand at
finding things as a Washington mes
senger boy would be apt to miss tha'
document We have Mr.. Wickersham
word for II that that was about the
missingest document that an investiga-
ting committee ever could want 10 gel
hold of: that 1t was amongst mass
of other documents and records and
had already eluded considerable con
scientious search. Surely no one In
ferior to an encouragement could
walk into an Office, paw over heap
of papers. grab the very identical miss
ing link and get back with II to where
It would do the most good In the rec
ord-breaking time made by Mr. Wick
ersham on this occasion.
Then. too, in view Of Stenographer
Kerby's explanation OF why's and
wherefores, this little document that
had been loved and lost awhile must
have struck Mr.. Wickersham as being
of especial Importance to him person
ally. According to Kerby, most OF the
servants of the people concerned In
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
THESE ARE PRISON-MADE

| AS We expected, the pardon OF the
poet-convict In Minnesota has set the
pens OF others temporarily removed
from the outside. TO working. and In
the past few weeks The Times has
received no less than 20 poems from
'well-posted people who ought TO
know" as the reporter says In his
anonymous way OF crediting an inter
view: In other words the verses arc
from those on the inside.
Two OF the poems we have received
we print here. for there Is merit in
them. Both are from the lonia re-
formatory, where there appears To be
material enough for full.iedged lit
erary society.
One is from Dick Coffin. whose verse
Michigan newspaper readers are
familiar with and who is no SLOUGH
when II comes to pointed verse.
The other Is by Lloyd NJ. Bailey.
who submits his verse with a trifle
more seriousness than Coffin.
Here are the prison-made poems:
A HOBO's FIND.
C'LeGrning is the art OF using wis
cam but a learned fool has only ac-
qu.l ca more tongues In which TO pro-
ella i'm his folly"-Phiter)
found him seated in despair upon u
pile of ties.
He locked as il good square meal
would be a glad surprise;
He didn't have quite clothes enough to
make decent patch,
And as | turned my head away, / saw
him slyly scratch.
He said he had u dozen trades. was
handy too. with tools;
He'd learned thousand things, or
more. from correspondence schools.
He was a skilled mechanic and an art
ist so he said.
But he didn't know just what to do
TO get a piece OF bread!
He knew the history OF the earth from
Adam up till now,
! He reeled OF Greek and Latin stun
| with corrugated brow;
| The ologies and isms were an open
| book TO him.
| And his hair was sticking through n
| hat that didn't have a rim!
He was UP In occult science, EtSh
! ideals were hts goals,
| Knew how TO run a magazine, why
doughnuts sported holes;
| He said he was poet. too.-knew how
| TO sling the Ink
/ But he didn't know just how to land
! barkeep for a drink!
! took him to a ladys house; she kind
| ly took US In.
And set us out some steak and eggs
that made that rummy grain;
He told her how to run the farm, anu
| what was good for wheat,
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
A Masterpiece by Wickersham

Mr. Ballinger's affairs had stood about
and with sad, anxious faces seen cop
les OF their document which was going
to be missing. burnt up in a crate ire,
the crate being carefully selected on
account of its seclusion and the fre
being especially started for thorough
burning.
With the executive household fuli OF
fellows burning records like that, =
surely behooved the attorney generals
Office 20 preserve what records they
had. even II they had to lose them In
the labyrinthian archives.
A grateful nation should surely rec
ommend its worthy servant In the at
torney generals job for his success
in finding this important document In
his own office, and for the hurry OF II.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

The United States department oil
commerce and labor has issued spe'
c,al report for the year 1907 contain
ing some highly interesting statistics
OF cities having a population OF over
10000.
Not the least in interest In that at.
ray Of figures and facts Is the personal
property listed for taxation.
The five largest cities in the east
err half of the country-New YORK.
Chicago, Philadelphia, st. Louis ana
Boston-with a population Census Oh
l9O0) of 7,565,604. list sl,03s,0sO. 5s0
of personal property. That would be
s136.Sl per capita.
Five large western cities-San
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

were demanded by American travel
ers who visited Scotland in the winter.
The hotels began the innovation, and
other building are now following suit,
The wood in lead pencils we buy
bearing the made-in-Germany mark Is
nearly all American cedar. Nurem'
burg imports annually about 100000
tons OF the American wood. In the
interval between the cutting down OF
the trees and the time we buy the
pencils, the wood has crossed the
ocean twice and paid tariff duty
into both Germany and America.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
THE coNvICTs LAMENT.

My life seems so lonely and dreary,
| long so much TO be free.
To go back to the dear old parents.
M Eor , sfs prison lire Soa so S dismal
And l feel SO much alone; n
| want To go back to the old folks, y
And be with them at home;
For there is a royal welcome. 4
And there's where / long to be; =
For there dear mother Is waiting.
Yes. mother is waiting for me.
When look back on the past life.
When | was naught but boy
And knelt and prayed at my mothers
with ali the world full OF JOY:
l think of those days that are past
and gone,
That Will never moro return,
That will never cease to burn
For that was back In the dear old
Where my weary heart longs to be-
For there the dear parents are waiting:
Yes, the parents are waiting for me-
| have never been placed on my honor
But, oh. IL l only could,
/ would show to the world am still q
And prove that | can make good;
For my father and mother are grow
And need my help every day,
And IL God but grants me my freedom
| will Ro back home and stay;
For there is heartfelt welcome,
The deepest and warmest TO he,
From the parents there who are wait-
Yes. waiting and watching for me;
| Ionia Reformatory, No. 1914
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
Is West More Honest or Wealthierp

Francisco, Denver, Los Angeles, Port
land and Seattle-with a population
$4,000 of 750,2l7, list s265,05s.72S 81
personal property. This would be
$353.31 per capita.
Summed ND, the west Is either
Weather than the east In the ratio
OF $353.31 to $136.S1 or 1t IL more hon.
est In the same ratio.
Philadelphia is, by the same report,
the poorest or the most dishones'
city in the United States, for Its per
sonal property list is sl,9O6,s73-1ust
S1.49 per inhabitant C90o census).
The average philadelphia has but
dollar watch. a brass chain and
iackknife-he tells the assessor.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

land has he been able to find the seat
Of the trouble?"
The boast OF heraldy, the pomp or
power,
All that beauty, all that wealth e'er
gave
What's 1t all compared to being the
hero pitcher for the home team,
anyway?
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
ABSTRACT AILMENT.

The young man
had been talking
a long time to no
purpose. Finally
he said to the fair
maiden, II suffah
a great deal from
brain flag. don't
you know. ! have
been going to the
doctor for It,"
Indeed" said
tho fair alden.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

What was the proudest moment Of
your life?''
When my collars came back from
the laundry branded with my own
initials instead OF my fathers
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
COMMENT LACKED DIPLOMACY.

cald up he
husband $ lie Is going home with mo
tell him
briskb. " r '' OO''
that but he had already hing
receiver. ' Ae
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
AN UNCOMFORTABLE STATUS.

Kind Old Gentleman who has
neither
freigh -
Old Gentleman: unclaimed
Lonely Little Boy Yes sir; and divorced
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

The tune of the song Yankee
Doodle" Is several hundred years old
and before the revolutionary war, was
sung to these words:
Lucy Locket lost her pocket,
Lydia Fisher found 1t.
Not bit of money in II,
Only binding round 1t.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

John M. Kerby; stenographer to
Secretary of the Interior Bailinger'
has been fired from his job.
That is what Kerby gets Tor
telling the truth about the Taft
letter of exoneration for Ballinger,
That is what Kerby expected to
get and with the rest of US, knew
he would get.
But in giving the public the facts
in connection with the scandal IN
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

The present English house of com
mons has $40 MEMBERSHIPS for
England, 80 for Wales, " for Scot
land, and 1913 for Ireland.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

There are said to be S,424 Ian
guages and dialects spoken In the
world, of which 1924 are used in
America. The English language Is
spoken by 150,0OO,000 people; 12o.,
900 900 speak German.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

~ never had enough money saved
ter git a bicycle till ortermobiles WIZ
in fashion. guess III git ter ride
in one o. those when motor hearses
is used"
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

keFhy Has Been Fired, Of Course,
Along with CLAWS and Pinehot
but 6aIlInoer Is Still a
Member Of the Presl-
dents Cabinet
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

freight barges loaded with goods will
accompany the exposition steamer.
The fair was reported for the state
department at Washington by Consul
Thos. r. Wallace, of Jerusalem.
Connoisseurs who think they can
detect in fine old Scotch whisky the
flavor OF wood smoke from the open
fireplaces of the highland distilleries
will soon have to change their taste
or employ their imaginations. Consul
Rufus Fleming of Edinburgh reports
that American hot water heating sys-
TENS are rapidly supplanting the more
picturesque fre-places all through
Scotland. Better heating systems
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
As OSCAR Makes Id oud to Fred sehssfer.'

May 1S.-(BULLETIN)-Nod yet
AGAlN A BuLLETINJ-d bass habbened.
ADDITIONAL
ders why dot do
(SOME
doddering
skidded to LEI IS imselu
found him biting der cellar oud" /
ss
Now he
(DoT AII.)
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
IF 1T STRUCK US

aleys would raised
hundreds should prob
able that this did happen in prehistoric times
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

Informed her how to paint the barn
and raise the sugar beet;
lie said he knew the wherefores of the
whyness OF the what
l can't remember half the things that
he had Just forgot"
tie was a swell musician. too, and
swore he had brain, -
But he didn't know just how TO dodge
brakeman on a train.
locked him in a car,
hope the bright incompetent Will
travel fast and far:
BE kind To him, IL you should meet tho
poor misguided dub,
And lead hi mgently TO the sink,--his
whiskers need a scrub
For be IL known: He's not q myth: 1
meet him every day;
He don't know where he's going, but
he's surely on his way"
He brings us food for thought and
shows an intellect well creased
Shows. too. that those who know The
most. most often know the least
DICK COFFIN.
Ionla reformatory
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
Unexpected Things That Happen.
Exhibit Al


Really" Troutfisher was saying.
II was the biggest fish I ever saw
in the water. II was easily Is inches
long with mis- scales on. II struck
once, and played the line freely.
Again II struck and I pulled taut on
the line and braced myself for the
big catch"
And then the fish got away, Ell"
interrupted his companion.
mo, sir, landed him."
The St. Louis Y. w. c. A. has
raised $4,000. OF this amount
s23 900 was secured In one day by
500 girls.
Twinkle. twinkle. HALEY comet
How we wonder II you had anything
to do with this weather.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18

Hetty Green, who has long been
styled the richest woman In the
world, and the queen Of the money
lenders, is said to be weakening rap
idly. Her daughter, Sylvia Green
Astor-Wilkes will become heiress to
property valued at sGO,000,000 in the
event OF her death.
The United States imported hops
valued at S544.265 during the last ten
years.
The Detroit times., 1910-05-18
"Innocents Abroad" Up to Date

they H as tn Gss ssn State % Are
The Thibodaux sentinel. (Thibodaux, La.) 1905-1912, 1910-01-15
Taft Denies Whiskey

Taft discredi,s Rooscvelt's Pure
Food policy ami made: 4 crack y,
Bnnapattc. Taft believes tina, an-
liquor made from grain is whisky,
but that only ,whi>key which CON.
tains all the higher alcohols may bear
the NAME without the qualifications
Or he called straight whisky; "ha,
neutral spirits are like 50 distances,
thst when they thej are mixed they
may DC called a blend, that wh,sk.y
made Of . mixture Of straight and
neutral spirits mus, b. marked either
= blend, rcctificd, double distilled, or
redisti|'ed wh,skey. Nothing made
IT grain alcohol is to be called either
. compound or imitation whiskey."
THIS is a severe blow to Dr.. Wiley
aud rather Indicates that his views on
sulphur III fruits, vines and moiasses
will he handled with the same rough
gloves.
The Thibodaux sentinel. (Thibodaux, La.) 1905-1912, 1910-01-15
A Horrible Hold-UD.

"Ah'ut ten years ago my brother
was he'd up In his work health and
happiness by what what was believed
10 b. hopeless Consumption" writes
" R,Lipscomb, OF Washington NC.
che took all kinks OF remedies and
treatment from sevsrai doctors, but
found no help till be used DR.. Kiuk' $
New Discovery aLd vas wholly cured
hy SIX hotties. lie is well mau to-
day" Its quick To relieve and the
surpst cure for weak or core lungs,
Hemm'r'sges, Coughs and Gods
hr"ncA'lIs. La Grippe, Asthma and
aIt Bronchial affections. soc ard
81 .oo. TRIAL bottle free. Guaranteed
ny. all Druggists.