Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-03-31


In cantata?" I'D jump at the
chants. ."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Artist-It's a good thing to hunger
for fame. MOdel-Yes, for If you don't
get the fame you're sure to get the
hungerl
Bill-Did you ever try my doctor?
Jill-oh. yes; don't you remember
when l was sick for such long time?
-Yonkers Statesman.
Can you tell me how / can keep a
maid" Madame. you are in the
wrong place. The embalmer's is next
door. Buffalo Express.
Il can recommend this horse, sir"
said dealer, "as strong, sound ami
NAL" 1T must be-" agreed the Gus
toner. ito have attained its present
age!"
"Lottie, what would you do if you
work up some night and found burg
lar in your room?" IF he was hunt-
ing for money I'd get up and help him
hunt Life.
Father-You are marrying my
daughter for love, you say? But she
get $4,000 marks dowry. Suitor-Well,
that can't be avoided, can it? File
gende Blatter.
"Impatience," said Uncle Eben, lis
ginerally de feelin you has when you
wants somebody else to hurry an make
up fob. de time you's been wastin'."-
Washington Star.
Father-What! You want to marry
my daughter? Why, sir, you can't
suppol her. / can hardly do 1t my
self. Suitor (blankly)-C-can't we
chip IN together?
Gentleman (hiring valet)-Then l
understand you to have some knowl-
edge of barbering. You've cut hair, of
and on? Applicant-Off sir, but never
on.-Boston Standard.
"He lives on the fat of the land"
said man to a friend, indicating
passer-by in the street. What busi-
ness is he in?" He's the proprietor
OF an anti-fat remedy!"
why, Henry! How does 1t happen
that you can't spell even the simplest
words?" Il can't spell 'em if they
amt in our spellin' book, can I?'-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Here's a remarkable gold coin I
want to show you, old man." "Eh?
This is an ordinary half-eagle What's
remarkable about it?" 1T belongs to
mo '-RnSton Transcrfnf
Mrs. Hutton-We are organizing a
piano club. Mr.. Flatleigh. Will you
join us? Flatleigh-Wdth pleasure.
Mrs. Hutton. What pianist do you
propose to club first?-Tit-B Bits.
Knicker-W What's Smiths idea Of
himself? Bocker-He doesn't think
anybody else can do thing he can do,
and he doesn't think anybody else can
do thing he can't do-Puck.
The father-Did mamma punish you
to-day, Tommie? The boy-Yes, sir.
what did she do?" made me stay
in the house while she was taking her
singing lesson. -Yonkers Statesman.
Wigwag What, roses! Don't you
know girl never marries the fellow
who sends her flowers? Oldbach--
Sure 1 do. That's why I always try
to keep on the safe Philadelphia
Record.
Sufferer Doctor, don't you think
that change to a warmer climate
would do me good? Specialist-Good
gracious, man! That's just what I
lm trying to save you from!-New
fork Times.
Tommie was about to have a chill
lren's party. Mother" he said
at won't look well for
ne to be stpffing myself when those
,ther children are here. How will 1t
,e If eat my share before they conner"
80 when Bella rejected Jack, he
ent Immediately and proposed to
AUDI" Yes; but that wasn't the
st of It. What do you think? He
rave Maud an order on Bella for the
ring. g."-Boston Tran
cript.
Did you ever have appendicitis?
aid the insurance man. WELL"
the skeptic, Il was operated
n. But l never felt sure whether 1t
vas a case of appendicitis or a case
I professional curiosity.-Washing
on Star.
Some men are so queer" And you
re going to tell me of one particularly
ueer one" ''Yes. It's Mr.. Barberton.
lis wife used to beg him for nickels
nd dimes, and now he's cheerfully
aging her a hundred a week for ALI
lony. y."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Il hope you will be interested in
onder gentleman" said the hostess.
have assigned him to take you out
D dinner" 4 shall be-" responded
he lady addressed. THAT gentleman
as formerly my husband and he's be-
ind with his alimony. Washington
D. c. Herald.
Woggs-You seem to be very proud
{ your youngest son. He must be a
cry remarkable youth. Boggs-He is,
Judging from the papers, ! think he
the only 12-year-old boy in the coun-
y who hasn't invented a perfect wire
IS telegraph. submarine boat. or
sroplane.-Puek.
''You will admit that doctors some
mes make mistakes. won't your
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