The Holbrook news., 1910-05-13
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You used to be an awful spend. thrift" Yep. But I ain't any long er." "Ahi Reformed?" ''No-I spent 1t all" l"-Cleveland Leader.
 'fWho was the greatest fnancier ever known?" Noah because he noated his stock when the whole world was in liquidation. .'-Tit-Bits.
 q never dare to look down when I'm standing on a high place" said Mrs. Lapsling. 'It always gives me an attack of verdigris. s."-Chicago Tribune.
 Miss Rogers-How did you imagine anything so beautiful as the angel in your picture? Artist-GOt an engaged man to describe his fiancee to me- Brooklyn Life.
 Do you like my new hat?" asked Mrs. Brooke. "Yes, indeed" replied Mrs. Lynn. "I had one just like it when they were in style."-Lippin- cott's Magazine.
 How did you enjoy the musicale" "Oh, I applauded at the wrong time. as usual Thought the orchestra tun- ing up was a classical number" sas City Journal.
 "I want to look at some dresses suit able for automobiling." said the lady. Yes. ma'am." replied the polite clerk; these walking skirts are the thing" -Yonkers Statesman.
 Pedestrian-How far is it to Alder shot? Let me see. Well. as the crow flies Footsore Tommy-Never mind 'ow the beggar flies: 'ow far is it as the beggar 'ops?-Punch.
 Caller-How pleased you must be to find that your new cook is stay er Hostess-My dear, don't mention 1t. She's stayer, all right, but un- fortunately she's not a cook.-Boston Transcript
 MT. Figg-Gasser says he kept per fectly cool last night when that burg lar got into the house. Mrs. Figg-So his wife told me. She found him try ing to hide in the frigerator.-Bos- ton Transcript.
 Do you ever find it desirable to oppose your wife?" Yes" answered Mir. Meekton. 'I always feel less like ly to annoy Henrietta if I can avoid being her partner in a bridge game" Washington Star.
 Father" said Little Rollo, what is a happy medium?" T suppose, my son, that it is one who can earn sev- eral hundred dollars a day by making tables and chairs move around the room. .'-Washingto Star
 Meg" No answer. ''Maggie," he called softly. Complete silence ''Madge," Not a sound. Margaret" Then he whistled softly before making his final effort. "Marguerite!" And a flute-like voice replied in the dis tance-"Yes, darling!"
 Physician-Have you any aches or pains this morning? Patient-Yes doctor; it hurts me to breathe; in fact, the only trouble now seems to be with my breath. Physician-All right I'll give you something that will soon stop that.-Boston Globe.
 Yes" admitted the modest young man. T have broken off the engage ment. I have been thinking it over for a long time, and I've come to the conclusion that a girl who can love an idiot like me must be wanting in both taste and intelligence"
 Father-in-Law-I suppose you are aware, Henry, that the check for S1O,- 900 I put among your wedding pres ents was merely for effect Groom Oh, yes, sir and the effect was excel | lent. The bank cashed it this morning without a question.-Boston Tran script
 Irate Woman-These photographs | of myself and husband are not at all them. Why. my husband looks like a | babooni Photograp apher-Wen, that's | no fault of mine. madam. You should | have thought of that before you had | him taken.
 T have good position to offer worthy college graduate I presume you have some fine young man in your senior class?" Sure" said the pro- lessor What are your requirements? | Would a football player suit you, or do you prefer a mandolin expert?"-l Washington Herald
 Proud Autumn" Father-Bless me, | It's really marvellous about that baby of mine. You'll hardly credit it. but | every time it looks up into my face it smiles positively smiles. The Fed | up" Friend-Well. suppose even a | baby has some glimmering sense of humor.-The Sketch.
 Johnny" said the boys mother, "I hope you have been nice. quiet boy at school this afternoon" That's | what I was" answered Johnny. 'I went to sleep right after dinner, and the teacher said she'd whip any boy | in the room who walked me up."- Boston Sunday Post
 Well" said a traveller in the train ora avaniD0 sssnaakinO Of I0np lives