Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1910-05-13
sup we play 1t alone. I've notified you

Eelf and Oilers the following resOlu-
tons and bylaws.
Friendship between man and man
says ]. is an ancient historical virtue
enacted In the days when men had 10
protect each other against lizards with
eighty foot tails and flying turtles.
And they've kept up the habit 10 this
day and stand by each other till the
bellboy comes up and tells them tho
animals are not really there. I've Of
ten heard,' | says, about ladies step
ping In and breaking up Friendship
between men Why should that bef
I'll tell you. Paisley. The first sight and
hot biscuit OF Mrs. Jcssup appears 10
have inserted a oscillation into each
OF our bosoms. Let the best man OF
us have her I'll play you a square
game and won't do any uudrrhandeG
work. I'll do all of my courting of her
In your presence. so YOU will have an
equal opportunity With that arrange.
ment | don't see why our steamboat Of
friendship Should fan overheard In
the medicinal whirlpools You speak Of
whichever nf us wins out
"'Good old hoSs" says Paisley. shak.
ing my hand And III do the same
says he, Wen court the lady synony
mously aud without amy " The prud
cry and blOodShCd usual 10 such occa.
sions. And wen be friends still. win
or lose
AT one side of Mrs. Jcssup's eating
house was a bench under some trees
where she used 10 SIT I'm the breeze
after the southbound had been fed and
gone And there me and Paisley used
TO congregate after supper and make
partial payments on our respects to
the lady Of our choice And we was
so honorable and circuItous In our calls
that II one OF Us got there first we
waited for the other before beginning
any galliyantery.
THE first evening that Mrs. Jessup
knew about our arrangement got 20
the bench before Paisley did Sup.
per was just over. and Mrs. JcSsnn
was out there with fresh pink dress
on and al'0ost cool enough to handle.
81 sat down by her and made Il few
specifications about the moral surface
of nature as set forth by the landscape
and the contiguous perspective.
II felt a Kind Of sensation In my left
side. something like dough rising IN a
crock by the fire. Mrs Jcssup had
moved mp closer.
"'Oh, Mr. Hicks says she, when
one Is alone In the world dou't they
feel It more aggravated on beautiful
night like thIsT
81 rose up on the bench NJ once.
"'Excus2 me. ma'am.' says |. hut
I'll have to wait TIL Paisley comes he
fore can give a audible hearing to
leading questions like that
"And then explaiued 10 her how
we was friends tlnctured 10y years oi
embarrassment aud travel and com.
plicity and how we had agreed To take
no advantage of each other in any Of
the more mushy walks Of life, such rs
might be fomented by sentiment aud
bNNNAl dillttAIo "
think serious about the matter for
minute, ard then she breaks into a spe-
cies OF laughter that makes the wild.
wood resound.
in few minutes Paisley drops
around, with oil aud bergamot OH his
hair. and sits on the other side Of Mrs
Jessup and inaugurates a sad tale Of
adventure In which him and Pieface
Lumley has sklnning match of dead
cows In 1895 for silver mounted sad
die In the Santa Rita valley during the
nine mon hs drought.
Now, from the start of that court
ship | had Paisley Fish hohbled and
tied to post Each one nf us had
different system of reaching out for
the easy places in the female heart
Paisley's scheme was to petrify 'em
with wonderful relations of events
that he had either come across person.
ally or In large print | think he must
have got his idea of subjugation from
one OF Shakespeares shows see once
called 'Othello' There is n colored
man In 1t who acquires dukes
daughter by disbursing TO her a mix
ture Of the talk turned out by Rider
Haggard, Lew Dockstader aud Dr.
Parkhurst But that style of courting
don't work well off the stage
"Now, give you my own recipe for
inveigling woman into that state Of
affairs when she can be referred to as
nee Jones Learn how to pick up her
hand and hold It and she's yours. 1t
amt so easy. Some men grab at 1t so
much like they was going to set dis
location of the shoulder that you can
smell the arnica and hear 'em tearing
off bandages. Some take It up like a
hot horseshoe and hold 1t off Mt arms
length like druggist pouring tincture
of asafoetida in bottle. And most
of 'em catch hold of 1t and drag 1t
right out before the lady's eyes like a
boy finding a baseball In the grass,
without giving her Il chance to" forget
that the hand is growing on the end
Of her arm. Them ways are all wrong.
'I'll tell you the right way. Did you
ever see man sneak out In the back
yard and pick up rock TO thrQw at a
tomcat that was sitting on a fence
looking at him? He pretends' he hasn't
got thing in his hand and that the
cat don't see him and that he don't
see the cat. That's the idea. Never |
drag her hand out where she'll have
to take notice of it.
"One night when beat Paisley to
the bench by one pipeful my friend
ship gets subsidized for minute, and
| asks Mrs. Jessunsif she didn't think
a III was easier to, write than j.
In second her head was mashing the
Olaa ndpr Howar In INV huttnnhoIa ond