Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1910-06-23

and saw Hats reduced" Great
Scott!" said he to himself. What was
their original size?'
Prue-Do you think he was sincere
when he said he loved you? Dolly
I'm sure Of 1t. He looked too foolish
TO be making believe.
Mrs. Knicker-Do you let Bridget
eat with the family? Mrs. Booker
Yes; it's much cheaper than to have
her eat with the policeman.-Puck.
That clerk Of yours seems to be .
hard worker" Yes that's his spe-
cialty." What, working? No
seeming to."-Philadelphia Ledger.
she-rll never have another photo
graph taken. He-Why not? She
If 1t looks like me don't like it, and
IL 1t fattsrS me my friends don't like
It.
And ID your milk pastsurizedT'
asks the prospective customer of the
dairyman. Sure" he replies. my
boys pasturizs the cows every morn
ing"
Jones made an awful big hit at
the banquet the other night" rs that
SOL" Yes; he was called on for q
speech and refused. Detroit Free
Press.
Him-You're the only girl ever
loved! Her-That's interesting but
immaterial What want to know is,
am l the only girl you're ever going
to love?
wilt fly with me??" asked the ar
dent swain. "All depends" answered
the practical girl. "Is that a pro-
posal, or merely an invitation to go
aviating?"
Madge-Edith is surely not going to
marry that living skeleton of a man.
He's nothing but skin mad bones Tess
Why not? He'll make her a rattling
husband.-Boston Transcript.
THE young man who called on me
last night says there Is a fool in every
family" WAS he trying to advance
that a. a reason why we should take
him into ours?"-Houston Post.
Nov. then, children" said tho
teacher, what il it we want most in
this world to make US perfectly hap
pyT The things we amt got!" shout
cd the bright boy in the back seat
St. Louis News.
II wish l were an ostrich" said
Hicks, Angrily, as he tried to eat one
Of his wife's biscuits, but couldn't. Il
wish you WERE" returned Mrs. Hicks:
"rd get a few feathers for my hat"
Musical Courier
These ere flying machines and
wireless telsgrams-wonderful afn't
It, Mixer" "'Tis that. All, Tim, afora
we're old men we shall be able to
travel round the world without leavin'
'ome."-The Sketch.
And how old are you. little girl?'
six" And how is 1t you are out
walking without your mamma" "Oh,
mamma doesn't go in for exercise.
Really, we have very little In COM
mon. Houston Chronicle.
do you believe in the Darwinian
theoryT II am inclined to go further
than Darwin did," answered Miss
Cayenne, "and believe that some mem
bers of our species have started on
a return trip. Washington Star.
Hewitt-It took the suffragette pa
rade three hours to pass a given point.
Jswett-Were there many women in
line? Hewitt-Not so very many, but
they had to halt every time they ap-
preached a dry goods store.-Chicago
News
Ethel (confidentially) DO you
know, Clara, that l had two offers Of
marriage last wsekf Clara with en-
thusiasm oh, am delighted. dear!
Then the report is really true that
your uncle left you his money?-Piek-
Me-Up.
II am dissatisfied with your account
OF my discovery" declared the scien-
tist. Il told you that it would be inn
possible to exaggerats the Importance
of this discovery" "Well!" said the
reporter. you didn't try."-Louis-
Vile Courier-Journal.
"You can't run a newspaper that
will absolutely please everybody" said
the editor NO." replied the old sub
scriber; "a mans opinion Of the fash
ion page is usually pretty much the
same as his wife's opinion of the
sporting section. Washington Star.
Rory" said the minister. Il hear
ye were at Dunlop's kirk on Sunday
last. Not that l object. re ken. but
ye widna yersel like yer ain sheep
strayin away into strange pastures"
'T widna care, sir" said Rory. "if It
was better grass. boston Transcript
I'm afraid my husband is develop
ing the gambling instinct" sobbed the
bride. Whats the matter. dear? Has
be been playing pokerT' mo. but yes.
terday he offered to match pennies
With brother Frank to determine which
one should pay the car fare."-Detroit
Free Press.
Saylor-Van Janter's big apartment
house burned this morning and the
tenants would hardly permit them
selves to be dragged out. Mstz-Why
we're they so reluctant to leave? Say
said II was the t time
he building had ever been comfortably
NeWa