Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1910-01-07

L
rs that your mother-in-law over
there, smiling at your" mo. If she's
smiling at me 1t isn't my mother-in-
law"
She-Of course, I'm not as old as
you think l am. He-I hope not-I
mean you can't be-that is-how old
are you?
He's got no license to talk the way
he does" "Oh, he's got license all
right. What he lacks is a muzzle.'-
Cleveland Leader.
An optimist is one Of them chaps,
1 guess" says Uncle Sim, who don't
care a hang what happens SO longs
it don't happen ter him."
Laffan-You are rich enough to buy
an automobile. Why don't you do it?
Grofat-Because I'm not righ enough
10 own one.-Chicago Tribune.
That fellow seems to be extrava-
CANT" "Hopelessly. He spends his
own money just as II it were the gov.
ernment's. louisville Courier-Jonr-
nal.
TIM going to marry Dick" why.
you told me you weren't In love with
him." I'm not, but I've just heard
that girl l hate is!"-Cleveland
| Leader.
What dc. you think, my dear: Such
luck! We leave for Paris in an hour"
"Really?" Yes, we're going to Pas
teur's. My husband has just been bit
ten by mad dog."-Bon vivant.
why are children so much worse
than they used to be " Il attribute 1t
to improved ideas in building" How
so?" Shingles are scarce, and you
can't spank boy with tin roof"
And did you really go to Rome?"
asked the guest. 81 really don't know,
my dear" replied the hostess, just
returned from her first trip abroad.
You see. my husband always bought
the tickets"
Hello, mate, ow is it you amt
workin'?"
We'll, it's like this: l works in
| domino factory, and | puts on the
spots, and they're making double
blanks to-day"
Weary Billiam-W What did ye tell
dat lady when she asked ye If ye wuz
equal to de task O. sawin' wood? Tat
tered Toni top her dat equal wuzn't
de word. wuz superior to it.-Chi.
cago Daily News.
MY steady looks exactly like Apol-
lo!" sighed the sentimental one.
That amt narthen'," shifted the lass
of the glove counter. MY beau is the
original for the Peerless Perfection
Dress Shirt ads. Puck.
why did that picture cost so
much?" WELL" answered Mr. Cum
rox, ito tell you the truth, I have an
idea it's because the dealer who sold
it to me is good business man
Washington Evening Star.
| Clear out O. here, ye sassy little
brat!" shouted the cook, humping the
table with a rolling-pin. The little
| girl gave the cook naughty look.
Il never allow anyone but my mother
to speak to me like that" she said.
Judge (sternly)-Three times in a
month! What do you make of this,
sir? Rastus (apologetically) Deed
l doan' make muffin. You fellows up
here seem to be de only ones dat get
any 'cuniary profit out of hauling me
up-Puck.
Her-Great heavens! My worst
fears are realized! Him-What on
earth's the matter? Her-Ive got a
telegram Him-Yes-yes! What
does 1t say? Her-I don't know.
haven't dared to open it yet!-Cleve-
land Leader.
Scientists have decided that Me.
thuselah was only seventy years
old" THAT is more like 1t. It is
absurd to suppose that any man could
have lived to the age of 969 years."
"Oh, | don't know-there were no au-
tomobiles in those days.-Houston
Post.
"Jim," said an honest coal dealer
to one of his drivers; Jim, make that
ton Of coal two hundred pounds short.
1t is for poor, delicate widow, and
she will have to carry all of 1t up
two flight of stairs. don't want her
TO overtax her strength. ."-Philadel
phia Kronikle-Herald.
well, Judson, how did you make
out with your summer boarders?'
asked the tall pumpkin on the fence.
wal, tolerable," drawled the old
farmer. Three of them were artists,
SO l got them to paint the barn. and