The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1910-07-08
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Mrs. Tellit-Yes, she is decided
blonde Mrs. Knockit-Indeedt When
did she decide?-Milwaukee News.
Little boy, haven't l seen you in
nv Bible class?" mot unless walks
In me sleep, lady."-New Orleans Pic
ayune.
Ella-Bella married an octQgenarian.
Stella--I don't think that a girl ought
to change her religion for man.
Chicago Daily News.
what selection is that the orchestra
has just finished?" Il don't know.
Sounded to me like neuralgia express
ed in music. .'-Tit-Bits.
Daughter-Did you have to fish
much, mamma, before you caught
papa? Mother-Fish, my dear, fish! I
was bear hunting.-M. A. p.
"How much does it cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. That
depends entirely on how long you live"
replied the sad-loooking man.
"How is the water in the bath, Ii
setter" "Cold, my lady. 1t turned
baby fairly blue" Then don't put
Fido In for an hour or so."-Pittsburg
Post.
He-Why are you so sad, darling?
She-I was just thinking, dearest, that
this Is the last evening we can be to-
gether till to-morrow-Ch Daily
News.
Professor examining medical stu
dent) If you were called out to a pa
tient what is the first question you
would ask? Medical Student-Where
he lives.
Splendid color, isn't it?" asked the
fshmonger, cutting open a salmon.
"Yes," replied the purchaser, looks
as if it were blushing at the price you
ask for It,"
Wiggs-How do you know he's a. for
eigner? He has no accent? Wages
No, but he knows so many ways In
which this country could be improved.
philadelphia Record.
what did the poet mean when he
called his country the land of the frse
and the home of the brave'?" HE was
probably referring to bachelors and
married men," said old Mr.. Smithers.
sadly.
"What do you suppose, Algernon,"
the young thing asked, "is the reason
the ocean is salty?" II am sure | don't
know" drawled Algy, unless it is be-
cause there are so many Goldfish in It."
Success Magazine.
The Manager-I've got new idea
for melodrama that ought to make a
hit. The Writer-What is it? The
Manageable idea is to introduce
cyclone into the first act that Will kin
all the actors.-Tit-Bits.
"I've got to go to Philadelphia" said
the hurried traveller, who was fumbling
for his pocketbook. We'll" answered
the New York ticket-seller, "are you
buying transportation or just telling
your troubles Washington Star.
Bowers-I understand that the doc
tors have just had a consultation On
Murphy. What conclusion did they
come to? Powers-They decided that
the patient was not wealthy enough to
stand an operation. Spokane Review.
Ebeneezer-Them skeeters makes me
think of them city visitors we had the
week before last. His Wife-How's
that, Eb? Ebeneezer- come pref
ty near bein' the worst singers and the
biggest eaters ever see.-Illustrated
Bits.
Gladys-Oh, mamma! Here's note
from that long-haired pianist. He says
it will be impossible for him to play
at our reception tonight. Mamma
What's the trouble? Gladys Some
one stole his wig.-Chicago Daily
News
The Kind Lady-You clear of or III
set the dog at you. The Tramp-Ah.
ow deceptive is 'uman natur'. Fer two
nights I've slept in yer barn, eaten Of
yer poultry an drunk of yer cider, and
now yer treats me as an utter stran-
ger.-The Sketch.
"They tell me-" said the innocent
maid, that your marriage was the 70.
suit of love at first sight. Is 1t true?"
"It is," answered the round-shouldered
man, sadly. Had l been gifted with
second sight I'd still be in the bachelor
ss!"-Chicago Record Herald.
II hope you will be interested In
yonder gentleman" said the hostess.
Il have assigned him to takesyo out
to dinner" Il shall be-" responded the
lady addressed. That gentleman was
formerly my husband, and he's behind
with his limony."-Louisville COur-
ier-Journal
Magistratev Officer, what Is this man
charged with Constable-He's a. cam
era fiend of the worst kind, yer wor-
ship. Magistrate-But this man
shouldn't have been arrested simply be-
cause he has a mania for taking pic-
lures. Constable-It isn't that, ysr
worship; he takes the cameras.-Bos-
ton Globe.
THAT is fat, prosperous-looking en-
velope. Does our salesman send In