davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES
Johnny Probably Told the Truth, but
at DreadfuIIy Inopportune
Time.

A teacher in one of the lower grade
schools was entertaining two visitors
to the classroom. Several days pre-
viously the teacher had furnished
amusement and at the same time In
creased the children's store of knowl-
edge by a series of questions Of the
following nature:
What do we sit on that rhymes
with hair?"
Some child would answer: Chair"
Today the visitors would be pleased
to observe how readily the pupils
could answer
What do 7 wear on my head that
rhymes with cat?" asked the instruct
ress.
Up went the hand Of boy with red
hair.
We'll, Johnny" said she, you may
tell u.s."
Johnny arose and appeared fright
ened.
Its a rat" be blurted.
And then the tableau.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

0nd feel so well thai my irlenuS Keep
ssking me what has helped me SO
1nche and l gladly recommend your
~DWARDs, Holly Springs, Miss.
One of the greatest triumphs OF
lydia e. Pinkhan's Vegetable Con-
eound is the conquering OF woman
4read enemy tumor. II you have
Mysterious pains, Inflammation, ulcera-
I'm or displacement, don't wait for
lime to confirm your fears and go
through the horrors of hospital opera
Ion, but try Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
hble compound at once.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, made from roots
md herbs, has been the standardremedy
fcr female ills, and such unquestion-
able testimony as the above proves the
value of this famous remedy, and
Aould give everyone confidence.
If YOU would like special advice
about your case write a cOnfiden-
Hal letter 20 Mrs. Pinkham, at
Lynn, Mass. Her advice is free,
md always helpful
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
German Alcohol Stills.

An authority on alcohol stills says
|that there are 10000 farm stills in
operation on as many farms in Ger
|many. The German government per-
mits the farmer to produce certain
Pmount OF grain or potato alcohol. the
amount depending upon the size and
location OF the farm and the annual
|demand for the product, upon the pay
|ment of reduced revenue tax. Alec
|hol distilled in excess of the quantity
|allowed is subject to the higher rate
Fof taxation. Denatured alcohol. bow
|ever, is not subject to any tax
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Given bv Mistake.

Disguised Customer (who has
brought back a watch he purchased
rom 1eweler)-It was a disgrace for
you to sell me watch like that. It's
absolutely impossible to make it go
last enough.
Jeweler latter examining the time
piece)-I most humbly beg your par
Ion, sir; you surely have good reason
Tor being dissatisfied. I don't know
how the mistake happened. but | find
that ! sold you a plumbers watch.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
GOOD Jokes
REAL DANGEROUS.

Inc stranger in the public play.
grounds noticed that the little boys
were giving the little girls a wide
berth on this particular morning.
That's queer" he unused. Say.
sonny ] thought you little boys and
girls played together?" I'VE do some.
times" enlightened the youngster on
the sandpile, but not today" And
why not?" "'Cause 1t is as much as
we can do 10 keep out of their way.
They are playing suffragettes and ma
King believe we are policemen"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Another Knock.

The manager came out before the
footlights with all his nerve and
egotism. And our leading lady" he
announced in loud voice. lis a dyed
in-the-wool actress" The old country
man IN the first row had noticed the
peroxide curls of the star. HIM he
remarked in a stage whisper Sort
of a dyed-in-the-h actress, too. eh.
Mr. Manager"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
GET Afser the e,ie>

With the warm days flies mu y
amazingly. Now IL the time to at
tack them and prevent the breeding
Of millions from the few hundreds that
already exist.
Perhaps the most effective method
Of destroying flies is by burning
pyrethrum In each room This stuns
the flies and they can be swept up and
burned
Flies are dangerous carriers OF dis
ease and an enemy Of humankind. Do
your part toward keeping down the
pest and improving the health of your
community.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
The Luggage Question.

Delaney Nicoll. lawyer, is always
a wel-dressed man, and abominates a
slovenly appearance. At the Union
club he said of a westerner one day:
HE has come on to New York for
week and l don't believe he has
brought a stitch of luggage with him. -
Here Mr.. Nicoll smiled.
unless. indeed" he added, he's
slowed something in the large bags
he carries in the knees of his trou-
sers."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Loo Late.

Dobson-Were there 10 restaurants
in MELVILLE?
nwiddie-There were 10.
Dobson-Then why did you have 80
much trouble getting a meal?
Dinwiddie-I arrived too late.
Dobson-But you told me you ar
rived at 10 in the morning
widdie-So | did; but that was
too late; the sheriff had arrived the
day before.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

trouble so affected
my vision as to inter
fere with my shoot
ing. l became so
nervous l could hard
ly hold a gun. There
was severe pain In
my back and head
and my kidneys were
terribly disordered
Doan's Kidney Pills
cured me after l had
doctored and taken
nearly every remedy
imaginable without
relief I will give
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Our chief is witty" said the de-
tective with the telegram.
In what way?" asked the friend.
why, the criminal we were after
was named Rich. The chief tele
graped three words that told all"
What were they?"
Get Rich quick"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
THE COMING RACE"

Tell me, mother IL II really
True, as jokers love to state,
Ihat when you were young as am
You had meat to masticate?
People tell such funny stories,
Things that cannot be, you know,
s" thought I'd ask you. mother,
II TINS fairy tale were 30.
Tell me. mother. are they joking
When these foolish people say
You had butter on the table,
Sometimes even twice day?
Eggs, know. were once quite common.
This / learn from books l read
But that you ate meat and butter
Seems incredible indeed.
William Wallace Whitelock, In New
York Sun.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Il certainly admire that man"
What in the world for?"
His will power"
He has no will power at all"
Why. he told me that he just made
up his mind to quit smoking and he
quit
He's lying; his wife made up her
mind and he quit
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
A Probable Short Term.

Mrs. Samuels-And such a man!
But, of course. Mary married him for
his money?
Mrs. Heardum-Yes. and also be-
cause no company would run the risk
OF insuring his life.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

yOurWOuUcIlullil
icines have done for
me. The doctors said
| had a tumor, and l
had an operation,
but was soon as bad
a gainas ever.I
toyoufor advice, and
began to take Lydia
f. Pink ANS Veg.
etable Compound
as you told me to
do. / am glad to
say that now l look
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Will-Say, Jack. your father de-
lights in telling people that he pad
died his own canoe.
Jack-Yes; and I've often thought
when | was boy that he imagined
was one
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
A Bad Move.

First Legislator took my wife
with me to Annapolis yesterday to
protect me from the feminine inva.
sion.
Second Ditto-That was wise
move. | wish | had thought of it
First L.-Be glad you didn't. She
was converted, and is now worse after
me than they were.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Realism on the Stage.

why don't the theatrical managers
want husband and wife in the same
company"
They think the public wouldn't
care to see a man making love to
his wife
Looks too much like acting eh?'
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

further details Of my case to anyone
enclosing stamp"
Remember the name-Doan's.
For sale by all dealers. so cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
On Funds.


did Billy call up his girl on the
long distance?"
No
Why not?'
HE was too short"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Protest of a Shipper.

Jonah emerged
1T wanted to increase the freight
rates" he complained.
Thus the first transportation protest
was filed.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
All FIGURED Out.

Why do you refuse to carry an UNI
brella?'
We'll. in a heavy storm you get wet
anyhow, don't your"
Il suppose So
And in mild rain you don't need
one. Besides. somebody would steal
L."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Not SympathetIc.

When | had told Mittens about the
unhappy existence of his old friend.
Mary Uotuseer. he gave not the slight
est indication Of symathy. but
snapped:
1T serves her right-it's the girls
own fault"
why is it her fault?" | questioned
IT'S her fault" he explained. be
cause she refused tS grasp the oppor-
tunity | once gave her for marrying
ne"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

DIR. Quini-Did the colored doctor
treat you very long?
Ephraim-No, sab. he nebbah done
say treat once while be were comm
heah
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
In the Wav.

You haven't much of a memory for
dates" said the conversational board.
err
Nope" replied Farmer Corntossel
Il used to have. But it interferes with
business when you're sellin' spring
chickens"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Gunner-"They say since Coggwood
bought his new automobile he has run
into wealth" Guyer-"Yes, he ran into
a 400-pound hog the other day."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
The Easy-Goino.

Some people fight from day to day.
With valor and persistence.
While others choose. along hfe's way.
The line of least resistance.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Expectinq Too Much.

HAS your wife got cook?' How
10 I know" 1t seems TO me that
you should know if anyone should. =
Rut !, hs7en't been home since noon-"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
important to Mothers
There's a Reason.

Paul. if | were to die, should you
marry Widow Muller?"
Good heavens, no."
why not? Every one says how
like me she is
Yes, that's just the reason"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Mrs Hare-Old Snail got his boy
position last week and he only held
it one day.
Mr.. Hare-What was it?
Mrs. Hare-A messenger boy.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
WRONG AnQle.

There's a bright side to every
thing"
"A bright sidel BAIL"
We'll, there is"
DO you mean to tell me, doctor,
that there is "a bright side to my hav-
ing had my leg amputated?"
Indeed. there is; and if you could
put yourself in my place you could
really see it."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Oh, JoV!

Lift up. ye bardlets.
a bilant strain.
Peek-a-b boo trolleys
Are with US again,
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Of course it was an old bachelor
who said that women ought to hold
thelr tongues occasionally in order to
give their thoughts a chance to catch
up.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
UNDEFEATED CHAMPION OF THE
NORTHWEST.
T. A. ireland, Rifle Shot, Of coIfax,
WASH, Tells q Story.

Mr.. Ireland Is the holder Of four
world records and has yet to lose
his first match-says he: kidney
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
PenaIizcd for Holding

Maud-Do you believe in palmistry
Ethel-In a way. I've known it to
work splendid as starter when the
young man was shy.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
A Bio One.

I'd love to make fortune.
A pile big as the dickens:
One big as journals tell you
You can make raising chickens
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

A rich mans children seem to think
IL is up to them to make a noise in
the world.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Literally So.

links tells me he is living high"
80 he is. In an attic room. l Ne
lieve."
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Don't throw kisses. my boy; deliver
them in person.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
OF
YEARS
/ GROWTH
Removed by Lydia E. Pink.
Vegetable Compound

holly Springs, Miss: -"W ssD ,,a are
eredennate for me to express what
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

placed anywhere. u.
tracts 4 kills all Aiaa
Nesi,cleAn oTIAmen-
tai.con-rnlent.cnsan
Lasts All seassn.
" are OF metal cannot
spin or u p ever, viii
not loriniur. any
thing Guaranteed sf-
fectirr. UfRli dealers
or sentprepaid fore0a-
HAROLD S0NERo
$50 DskAIe Ave.
Brooklyn. New fsA
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Lowering the gas makes the world
brighter-to lovers.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

ITO hear him talk. you'd think he
owned the earth"
You mean when his wife isn't
around"
sVoc
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30
Under the Spell.

About this time last night" said
young Harlow, as he lighted a fresh
cigarette, Il was sitting on a sofa be-
side girl, telling her that she was
the only one in all the world | had
ever loved"
And she believed lt?" queried Dill
Ion.
OF course she did" answered Har
low. why, | believed it myself at
the time"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Dr. Perce's pleaa Pellets cons:I patton.
Con sfi patton is the of many diseases. Ours
the cause and you euro the disease. Easy to taxa
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

INV yVTS.
Jack-What for?
Tom-He gets business advice from
one and then consults the other about
how much he ought to pay of the first
ones bill.
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Forchildren teething. softens the gums reduces II
nAmmation ,allays pain. cures wind collie. DC botu
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

When his wife is close by, to hear
him talk you'd think he owned about
as much earth as the average angle
worm"
The silver messenger. (Challis, Idaho) 1890-1912, 1910-08-30

Ennui is the price we pay for knowl
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03

official and civic and therefore devoid
of official and military features. From
one viewpoint it may be looked upon
a private affair, since the national,
state and city governments have no
official parts in it. It Is to be a spon-
taneous outpouring of the feelings of
the populace toward a man who has
earned by years of service the right
to be considered the representative
American. He will be welcomed at the
Battery IN New York city by Mayor
William ]. Gaynor, but the city's head
will extend to him a welcome. not in
his official capacity, but as head of a
great body of American citizens them
selves. At the head of the reception
committee appointed by Mayor Gaynor
is Cornelius Vanderbilt, the hardest
working member of the famous wealthy
family
Water Parade the Program.
The program of the Roosevelt recep-
tion includes a water parade similar
to that witnessed at the Hudson Full
ton celebration. but not so long. The
PROGRESS of the coionel's steamer will
be retarded If necessary SO as to have
its reach quarantine exactly at o'clock
in the morning. The citizens commit
- - go his chartered the Hudson
river steamer Albany and will steam
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03

The proposed parade has been aban-
doned.
Even Tody Hamilton. champion cir
-cuss press agent would fnd himself at
a loss for words to describe the well
come. 1t will be national in character
Weeks and weeks before the date of
the event. as soon as it became known
in the land that great assemblage was
planned to greet Roosevelt when he
first touched American soil again. re-
quests and appeals for places in the
line began to pour in on Captain Ar
thur F. Crosby a former rough rider
and regular army man, who is secre-
tary of the reception committee. The
problem early became one of selection.
limitation and rejection. Why, the
Italian Americans of New York. char
acteristically enthusia site over, the OPP
portunity to pay honor. to the man who
had done so much for stricken Messina,
asked permission to turn out no less
than 10000 men. Of course it could
not be granted. but they will be libetal-
ly represented.
Syrians and Others IN Costume.
There will be many others of foreign
extraction in line. The Syrians of the
city will turn out in their national
headgear, the fez and there will be a
hundred Hungarians in national cos
tune. The ranks will be entirely civic
in character. with the exception of the
rough riders, in western costume, and
the Spanish war veterans. 1t is esti-
mated that there will be from $4,000
to 10000 men in line Some members
of the civilian bodies will wear dis
{ tinctive dress. The Hamilton club OF
Chicago, for instance, which sent in ar
early request for a place. will be garbed
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03
81 IL xa--3

,cheerers; the latter will be reckoning
profits.
Nation to Join New York In Welcome.
For several weeks Uncle Sam has
been getting ready to welcome his
wondering boy New York will be
the port OF entry, and New York will
do more than It's share in greeting the
colonel-he Is New Yorker by birth.
you know, and once ran third in a race
for the mayoralty-but New York has
no monopoly on the enthusiasm. The
reception to the returning ex-president
and mighty hunter will be national In
it's scope and size. Every one of the
forty-eight states and territories, as
well as Alaska and the Quilting is
lands, will have it's representatives in
line to greet him and assure him that
we are glad to have hi mwith US again.
They will tell him with what interest
his fellow citizens have followed his
triumphal course through Europe. how
they have read every line telling how
he hobnobbe dwith princes and poten-
tates and how they have rejoiced ex-
ceedingly in the greatest reception
ever accorded abroad to any man of
any rank or nationality.
The reception in New York to Colo
mel Roosevelt is expected to Guido in
earnest sincere enthusiasm that given
to him In Europe. In no sense is he a
citizen of the world. He is an
American and is proud of it, and he
has lost none Of his Americanism dur
ing his sqjourn in Africa and Europe.
Perhaps that is what endears him most
to us. The New York reception will
be wildly. madly, enthusiast tically
American. To prove this 1t is not only
necessary to say. that the Irish-Ameri-
cans, the Americans, the He
w-Americans, the German meri-
cans and many other sorts of hyphen-
ated Yankees will take part in it. i
Colonel Roosevelt listens to all the
greetings that will be shouted to Ain
on June is he will hear, besides Eng
fish, more languag es and dialects thai
he heard In Africa and Europe.
The reception is to be purely I'M
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03

down the bay to greet the incoming
liner. A great feet of ships of every
size and description will accompany
the Albany. every available vessel hav-
ing been chartered by organizations
anxious to be among the first to well
come the homecomer
Those persons gifted with strong
imaginations may now put their hands
behind their ears and imagine they
hear the noise of the myriad whistles
and sirens that will greet the first
glimpse of the Kaiserin. A little later
the colonel and his party viii leave
the steamer and embark on the rev.
enue CUTTER that Will take them to the
Battery. Colonel Roosevelt and the
reception committee will disembark
at the Battery. where Mayor Gaynor,
in the presence of a big crowd Will re-
ceive his distinguished visitor on a
platform especially erected for the
come have been listened to and have
received appropriate replies the party
will proceed up Broadway in the for
lowing order:
First. mounted police; second
riders (these will be real rough
riders, the men who charged up Sar
Juan Hill behind the colonel; fourth
Colonel Roosevelt in a carriage; fifth
entire reception committee in car
riages. The procession viii then turn
from Broadway into Washington
square and through Washington arci
up Fifth avenue to point above Fifty
ninth street, where paraders will breal
ranks. Lined up on both sides o
Fifth avenue viii be the organization
which will welcome the colonel home
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03

aged ten and six, who undertook
1000 mile ride on horseback, from
Frederick. Okla. to New York, in order
to be on hand to greet Colonel Roose-
welt. their fathers friend. The father
of the two boys is John r. Alternately,
United States marshal at Guthrie. who
went hunting with President Roose-
Welt in the spring of 1905 and showed
him how to catch wolves alive with his
bare hands. Soon afterward the presi-
dent sent to Alternately his commission
as marshal. The boys have inherited
their fathers pluck and endurance.
Oyster Bay will have 1t own well
come for its famous fellow citizen
Soon after his return Colonel Roose-
Welt will visit various cities To which
he has been invited. In August he will
speak In Kansas and will attend the
annual frontier celebration at Chey-
enne, Wyo.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1910-06-03

in high silk hats and frock coats and
will carry canes. There will be similar
clubs and organizations from many
cities as we'll as cowboys and others.
Fifth avenue will be literally deco
rated. it is expected with flags and
bunting. The committee has re-
quested the owners and occupants of
houses to make such visible manifesto
tion of their JOY over Roosevelt's re-
turn.
Probably the feature of the reception
that will attract the greatest amount
of popular attention will be the rough
riders former subordinates and COM
rades of the central figure in the af-
fair. At the coming celebration New
York will have its first opportunity
since the Spanish-American war tc
see this famous body of men. AS many
of the 500 members of the Roosevelt
Rough Riders association as can reacl
New York will assemble in the city
and it is expected that at least 800 0
them will be on view. The regimen
will stay in New York week. On
Thursday following the reception Their
will be a regimental dinner at whicl
Colonel Roosevelt will be the guest o
honor. President Charles A. Hunte
of the ass ociation. who is clerk of tn
United States court at Guthrie, Okla
recently issued a call to all rougl
riders to assemble in New York be
fore June 16. President Hunter viii
have personal charge of the regimen
and will answer for its good behavio
in the metropolis.
Two Thousand Miles to Greet Him.
An interesting little feature of tn
parade Will be the presence of the tw
Ahernathy bows Louis and Templ.