davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
In IAII.
FEam the GO -

From the Chicago News
The head Of the Smithsonian stood at
the wireless lOng-distance telephone.
Hello, Is this Col. Roosevelt Well
say, colonel. If you keep on sending in
specimens Of extraordinary animals. We
will have to enlarge the institute and
move Washington"
Back came the flash from the jungles.
Move Washington"
For even then the huge express vans
were delivering an oribi, a bohor, a sing
ing tOpi, and a kob.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Peru has presented a gold medal 20
& certain distinguished Nebrsskan. II
might more appropriately have been fash
Toned of silver. Besides, gold is a sort of
lemon color.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
PRO AND CON.
Or Mutual Admiration Society.

Springfield Union: "A famous Italian
brigand was arrested recently while at
tending a grand opera performance, %
says The Washington Herald. When we
think Of the grand opera prices. # occurs
to US that it would be more proper to say
that he was attending a reunion.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

From the Boston Transcript
He-I think your cousin has the most
beautiful natural complexion in the
world.
She Gealous) - How do you know?
You've never seen IT,
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
4 PFosHic Subject.

FINN the Kansas City Times.
Reporter-What gave you your inspl-
ration for the song. There are certain
things that money cannot buy?"
Song Writer-The price OF butter and
eggs.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Ever Faithful.

Hes always wanting to borrow money
from me-"
A fair-weather friend, merely"
ooh, no; he has also borrowed several
umbrellas"
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
One RedeeminE Featurn.

Seems to me you utilize a good many
old wltticisms."
That may be-" admitted the press
humorist hut Try TO oonfne my auto
mobile jokes to 1910 models"
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Champ Clark's EuioEy.

Prom the Austin Statesman
The splendid eulogy pronounced By Champ CLARK
on The mule shows clearly that the longer a man
associates With the average Congressman the more
be appreciates the sober intelligence and honest do
city Of a Missouri mule.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Is Food a Party auestionf

From the New York Sun
careful pe7Isal Of the discussion about food
prices IN the United States Senate on Friday war
rants the Judgment that the participants treatsd
the subject only a. a party question. and not as
open-mindad economists.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
NtF-F-F-F-Fg

Columbia State: The Washington
Herald says that "a Pennsylvania turkey
gobb!er killed man in a free-for-al
light the other day."-but we are ac-
quainted with that Washington Herald.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

An esteemed contemporary lists among
the mysteries" of the day the DISAPPEAR
ance Of the 'possums that come regular
" to the White House. Not so much a
mystery" we imagine, as a state secret.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Down here there is only one kind Of
Democracy" says the Savannah Press
Every habitat Of the various ffty-seven
varieties lays that same 1attering JUNCTION
TO its soul, however.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Julia Marlowe's real name is said to be
Sarah Frost" She has reached a place
in her stellar career where she may safely
refrain from denying it, however.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
How II Hammered

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
How did it happen?"
He was just going 10 say good. old
fashioned winter, but hit him on the
'old-fashioned.'
Discharged"
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Too Much Law Enactment

From the Norfolk Yirginian-Pnot-
District Attorney Whitman. Of New York, thinks
tbs trouble with this country Is that there are too
many laws. The real trouble Is a combination Of too
much laW-enactmsnt and too little lag-enforcenent
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
The Political Mfx-up,

From the Minneapolis Journal.
A Democrat is ons who does not believe IN the
regularity Of any other Democrat A Republican
is one who believes In the irregularity Of every
other Republican.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Mr.. La Toilette n Pioneer.

From the Topeka Capital.
There is nothing outside q the conservation idea
IN the progressive messages Of Taft that have pJpu.
lar backing but what Ia Toilette four years ago
strongly advocated the floor Of the Senate. He
has always been ahead Of the cogntry.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
nnreIY PnNNihIe

How do you like my biscuits. hubby?
got the recipe out Of a paper"
We'll, my dear. found a button IN
one and a feather in another. Maybe
you got the cooking recipe mixed with
the fashion hints"
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

1t is entirely possible nowadays to be
a Congressional 'tnsurgent' and still
not have such pleasant descriptive at
tachments as "sockless,' ''whiskers." and
so forth, fastened on to ones name
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

The latest disease, ii seems. is ''chauf-
feurs arm" Like all new diseases. only
a very limited number of people can Of
ford 10 have IL
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Unprofes.ionnI Advice

From the Kansas City Journal.
I'VE don't hear you sing nowadays.
Miss Edith
My physician has strictly forbidden me
to practice"
Does he live IN your neighborhood
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Now that Joliet paper has designated
"Cannonism and snappery' to be the
twin evils OF creation, Mr. snapp will
kindly come forward and assume his
righteous place in the limelight.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Brazil is to have postal savings bank
system. The United States has come to
occupy a position Of near-splendid isola-
ton with respect to this matter.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

The situation Is not altogether novel
or new, however. Every fellow appears
to be heartily in favor Of reducing the
price of the other fellows commodity.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Meat boycotters will hardly be violat-
ing the rules. however. If they invest in
a supply OF the average market spareribs.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Speaker Cannon "a Fixture.

From the Pttsburg Dispatch.
Speaker Cannon declares that he viii never quit
under fire. 1t has been previously demonstrated
that he wont quit when there IS no hrng. So there
Ia IA
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

1t is a fortunate egg that does not
find II necessary to hesitate In cold stOr-
age a few months before reaching the
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

One Of the great difficulties in settling
the BaIlinger-Pinchot row is that we can
not have our Alaskan cake and eat 1t
too.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Kermit is a better shot than his
father" says a certain Mr.. W. n. Nc
MILAN. On. well: as Admiral SchIey
would say, there is glory enough for all.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

fees. This is q curious Georgia view,
and il arises, mayhap. from the fact
that the Republicans have been in charge
OF the pie counter so long.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

An Asheville On. c. man tried to thaw
out some dynamite the other day. An
old story? Yes. And the same old fin
ish too.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
A. Good Plan.
Willie Knew.
He Kept One.

Since my diary went completely
To the bad,
/ have more respect for Pepy's
Than ! had.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

King George Of Greece is about TO alb
dicate again. King George must have
as many abdications to his credit by this
time as King Menelik has deaths to his.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

The Baltimore Sun discusses THE
charm OF kissing" II only remains for
the Sun 10 paint the rainbow.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

There are worse men in the world
than Cannon" SAYS the Macon News. II
is hard TO believe that this is hearsay
evidence. altogether.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
He MnY BE a Tnrfnr-

Rochester Herald: The Washington
Herald has discovered that the ultimate
consumer is not a myth. Others are due
TO discover that he isn't q joke. either.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
RACTICAL POEsY,

PRACTICAL POEsY.
The bluebell and the daffodil
Have had their day.
And made our pulses gently thrill
In roundelay.
But they are hackneyed, and the bard,
1t really seems,
Such vegetation should discard
For newer themes.
In fact, the time is now at hand,
Or so ! ween,
To sing about the carrot and
The kidney bean.
A. Good Plan.
Tn man who doesn't care to drink
with everybody"
In that case. ia advise you 20 employ
social secretary"
Willie Knew,
Now, Willie" said the teacher, IF
eggs were 60 cents a dozen and your
mother had 20 cents, how many eggs
would you have for breakfast"
NO eggs" answered Willie. Wed
have mush."
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Now that January is all but gone. let
US hope the weather man has got that
crouch out of his system.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Indorses CONGREGATIONAL Record.

From the Kansas City Star.
Secretary Ballinger speaks bitterly of the press
The only paper he can indoFse is the esteemed Con
Eressiona Record. and even that worthy publication
has its faults.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Writers inclined to protest that Paris
will arise, phenix-like," and so forth.
should restrain themselves.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Fills IN Uncomfortable Void.

From the Atlanta Journal.
The Balingeg- Pinchot Investigation VII Al that
uncomfortable void between nov and the opening
o. the baseball season.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

are assured that Mr.. Vardaman feels
for the Senate. even though ne appears
not to be able TO reach It.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

DO VIC eat too much?" inquiries the
New York Mail. This likely Will bring
forth a chorus OF Who? Me?'
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

All bugleS viii sing a truce when the
pork bar'P heaves in sight, we i'm
agine
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

The House Of Representatives is grad
ually awakening to a realization of the
fact that it can boss itself If it wants to.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
1t Is.

Is palmistry Of any practical value?'
Well answered the girl addressed,
its very good way to get your hand
held"
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

A Georgia statesman advocates the
abolition Of one-half Of the political Of
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

Mr.. Vardaman appears TO view the
matter in the light Of a great loss to
the United states Senate. In fact. We
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Guess What Happened.

He met her In the darkened hall.
And whispered. I bring YOU ross"
Not relevant was her reply AZ al.
She said; How cold your nose is
London Opinion.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31

January 81 is the birthday Guverneur
the England
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Boiled Water.
OF a Verify.

AlmoSt-Earvati0n is vexation;
Dyspepsia Is as bad;
The price Of beef is past belief
And diet dives me mad.
New Yogk Mail
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
CHAT OF THE FORUM.

A little pork chop is an expensive thing.
The Washington herald., 1910-01-31
Menu for To-day

Menu for To-day.
tCon6iTed for the Poor CnsumArl
Alphabet Soup (botl the bsbys blocks.
Bill Fish
Mock Steak With Re-hashed Brown Potatoes.
The Evening Paper.
Boiled Water
Home Rolled Cigarettes.
(Apply Christian Science and sere.)
Buffalo News
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
SURGEONS MISTAKE.
A cheersui Correction When the
 presseer lesr1ed the Truth.

One day ghe mayor of Cambridge. Nho had trlsd ta snrh Mir Slurgt~sns : teudeuy.ies lo seu~siiiaualisul. inauired nf him 1T Ae had really told his esngrsA gafiea ths; # 1hief got into heaven he ws,uia begin pleStug the angels. pockels
 ~fe.>- sir" the yeang preacher re piled T told them tHat il it were possible fer aa ua<e-sly nan 10 ge to a,-aKea wilhaat nasias his uatnre sifsaSed be would be none the better for neing there. and then. hy way Of Illustration. l said that were thief te get in ampag The slorinei he would reJRaia thtet ~rili aud ne would go around the place picking the angels pots,.fs
 But. mv dear yeune friepd," asked the mayor >ertau~iy don't you know that the snsets haven't any fN.setss s''
 No sir repited young Sturgeon with equal gravity -'i did Dot know that. ant | am glad to be assured of the fact from g.ntieman who does know l will take care to put it all right the fErst opportunity l get"
 The uext Monday morning Sturgeon watkei into the mayors place Of busi- ness and said 10 nin, rhe-rfully. "l set that matter right yesterday. sir"
 Whnt maitery" he inquired
 Why. about the angels pos.ketAs
 "Whar afd you say
 ''oh si. Just told the people was SOFT, ta say that had made a niis take me last time ] preached to them. but that had met gentleman. the mayor uf fan.t,rsl.e. who had assursd me thai The atgrfS had uo pockets. so l must correct what l had said. as | did not want anybody to 70 away with n false norion about heaven. would tbsrefere say that If thief got among the angels wirhou. having his nature changed h. would Try 10 steal the feathers out of their wings"
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
Standing Room Only.

A manaeet inei an actor aud noticed thai he waS wearing a mourning band on bis arm
 "Ifts for my father" The actor eS- nlained I've just come from his funeral '
 The manager expressed bis sym nathy The aefurs< grief WAS ohxi. ouSly very real and great "l attended io all the tnnerai arrangements. he said He had everything just as ia. ther would have liked il.
 Were there many therer asked the manager.
 Many tbere" cried the actor with pride. Why, my boy. We turned 'em awayr-SucceSs Magazine.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
Csisrrh Caasot Be Cared

with LOG AL APPLICATIONS, as they cannot reach the seat of the dis ease. Catarrh is . blood or constitu- tional disease, and :in order to cure it you must take internal remedies. Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally and acts directly on the blood and mu- cous surfaces. Halls Catarrh Cure is not . qusck medicine IL was pre- scribed by one of the best physicians in this country for years and is regular prescription. 1t is composed of the best tonics known, combined with the best blood purifiers, acting directly on the mucous surfaces The perfect con- bination of the two ingredients is what produces such wonderful results tn curing Catafrh. Send for testimonials free.
 F.J Cheney q Co-, Toledo, O.
 Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
 Take HalI's Family Pills for consfi' pation-
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

CALLED UP SOME ONE OVER THE TILE
 PHONE
 business rivals, aud each taxed bis brain to The bursting point 10 outwit the others in attracting customers.
 The proprietor of the store in the middle one day found himself momen iariiy beaten on getting downtown one morning. when he discovered hal The owner uf the store on his right had piucarded his shop with sensational announcements of great fire sale. while the inan on his left had covered his store with huge banners proclaim. ing d receivers sale His face drop. ped Then his features relaxed in d gradually expanding smile He rushed To the. back of ni- store and called up some on. over ihe relei,lione.
 One hour later ll,e crowd that had been attracted io the >s'sfie by line fire sa le and retrIxers sale brocianln tions Booked lufo The store bel weep the two Hue proprietor had caused fo be stretched across Ihe tol, Of his sDfranc., a sheet en wbieh were patDf ed in ieiter< two fe.st nigh the words Main Entrance.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
c.m..s Ia South Australia.

 Cameis are use-d by I'as'arsfisSts afi others in eenfrai Australia for csr'iIs wool I. nd stores. Tb~ss are wHrkv-t hs English as well as Afghan dris~N They are used for saddle at eixni-s'" months of age: at two years. says tnr British AuxfralasiAn. they can ehs'' from one hundnsdweiehf 10 "" nan credweighs. at fhre< years. fanr nun credwssxhs. Bulls at four ysars eas take six hundredwesght of loading Ine camels are bred in South Aest =. Those locally reared are better wea3n' carriers than fhoee imported are lower sre. better booed snd ve. fcofed They thrive oa rhe KTaseo sno bushes as rhe cousfry. co vhsch ehss can b< . ,rked for many yeAsA
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23


 rhs h,story of diving reaches ha~k lp,o tss.. dim and disiant past AA apapr me Great IS said 10 have ae .eep,,s.s tn . machine which kept 6in' arv while making some Kind of sup marine investigation Aristotle men .,.,n. . aevsr~ which enabled men ta r.n,s,p s4,ss~ time under water To 2 t.-.x ,.ssbsissls-d early tn the sixseentn .,.prurs ap,xars picture of naan ~..r,nx a nelmet to . hich is fasteu~d q tesrner rub ooafed on the s"fiass cf the water by m inflated Dag ss is7s two fsreeks made q suums Fss's fr1p under aD inverted ehamhrf. snsn keps fh~m dry This vas n 'e nrr>>ns~ If ih~ Emls-ror ehafiss '. ard svnpe l...tsD -fs~tatAsA
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Just think moment what wages are. They are the deyourers of con- sumable wealth. In order to have mare consumable wealth you must have an incentive for its creation. Wealth will never be made unless consumer stands ready. More con
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Protection rests upon principle or it do,s not. If it does not. then 1t is a mere beStowal of bounty and is no part of the business of government If il rests upon principle. then that prin- ciple must be that the American mar kets belong to the Americans You cannot maintain your system and sac riice anything to which 1t is appli cable
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

All the good qualities of EIy's Cream Balm, solid, are found In Liquid Cream Balm. which is intended for use in stomixers. That fg b . wonderful rem- edy for Nasai Cstarrh is proved by an eves-incFeaning mass of testfmony. II does not dry out nor rasp the tender air.pansaeos- It alIsys the indamma. ton and goes straight to the root ol the e1iseaee. Uhatinate old caees have yielded in . few vseks. All druggists, 75e.. including spraying tuoe. or mall by Ely Bros. C Warren Street, Ns~ York.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
Re Got the Crowd.

Tn a crowded section of an eastern city there were three littie clothing stores In q row The propriefors of these shops were bitter enemies and
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
I;ont Wood.

The wood of a tree growing on the coast of lake Tehad. in Africa. has ven less specific gravity than cork.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Shorter hours of labor were scorned not only by Golden and Bright. but by every political economist of Eng land even down to 1883. when Bonarny Price denounced shorter hours of la bor as .repudiation of the great doctrine of free trade. The sole idea of the political economist of that class has always been as low wages as pos sible, as long hours as could be and product of as cheap price as possible.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Dpen's Rheumaeae Pliis for Rhsame- s1sm . Nsufaigla- Entasely yeoseosse 0a1o ley1
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
REEDS TARIFF NUGGETS.

If we propose to abandon any indus tries We had better not let it be the agricultural industries. Between the Atlantic and Pacific stretch vast re- gions still untitled The next victory of protection should be there
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Our system of protection is not for manufacturers alone. It is for farm CTS also. Whoever deprives our farm CTS of all the American market they can occupy is false to his principles and must meet with defeat, or the sys- ten must be surrendered which pro- claims that American markets are first Of alI for American citizens. who are engaged in developing the country We already have.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

After thirty years of protection, un- disturbed by any serious menace of free trade. up te the very year now last past. this country was the great est and nosi fouriShine nation on the face ot fhis earth Loud applause on the Republican side Moreover. with the shadow ef this nnJustitiable bill resting cold upon II, with mills closed. win hundreds ef thousands Of men unemFloyed. industry at standsfih and prospects before it more gloomy than evt.r marked its history-exeept once-this country is still the greatest and ae richest that the sun shines oa or ever did shine on. [Renewed ap- plag>e.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

We are the oaix rival that England fears. fnr we alone have in our bor- ders the Population and the wages. the raw lnateria. aiad within ourselves he great market which iusures to us the most Improved Ensie hinery. Our con stant power 10 inerease cur wages h. SureS Us also continuous progress. If you wish us to fellow the example of England, ] say 5es. with all my heart. but her real example and nothing less. Let us keep protection. as she did. un- til no rival daFes to invade our terri tory. and then we may take our chances for q future which by that time will not be unknown. Applause on the Republican side.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

Where twr nsriots have e4aa. skill and equal appliances and market of ae'sfiy e1itiai size and one q Them can hire labor If uHe- half less. aVthiag but a tariff can maintain The higher wages. and that Ne eaa Fenve.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

npan n hrrf'denf'g market, This I have airs'aal shoWa. d,es not usesn more purchasers. but purchaSers wira better purses. though. far that matter. in this country Ne have bath.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

r a, IA ,.,., ot .o,r |, Yah 1sN narch rhes sasyrea sv fhs prices foeag staple fiets
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

It would be an interesting chapter h economic history if We could have in figures the abatement of foreign prices which have followed every in- crease of he tariff. for 1t would show what enormous profits have been made out of ns by these people when no pro lection existed
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23

The history of protection has been most remarkable. Fifty years ago the question seemed 10 he closed. Great Britain had adopted free trade. tue United States had started In the same direction. and the whole world seemed about to follow Today The entire sit uation seems to be reversed The whole civilized world. except Great Britain. has become protectionist. and the very year last passed has witness ed the assertion of English principles by the last English colony which held out. This has been done i'll defiance of the opinions of every political eeone- mist in England who wrote prior 10 1850 aud of most of those who have written since.
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
For Sale.
Notice

 The beiectmen and Town Ciesk of the To~n of Thompson will be In ses- siOn on
 Saturday, September 24th 1910, at the Court Room in tue P0e Otl1ce block at North GrosuAnor-Daltv 10 examine the qualifications q applt canie and admit b the Eiecton' Oaen those who shnli bs found Quelt0eos from o'clock .. m. until 7o'cloea '. m.
 Dotsd at Thompsoo, Gsptembes lo,Io1e
 $:!. s':::: S:':::: s;i;:::a IF i::: s.'..'-.- I
Putnam patriot., 1910-09-23
The Diving Bell.

.wHh so.eo remainins
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1910-10-21
WEBB CASE
SUBMITTED
TO The JURY
AFTER ELEvEN-DAY TRIAL THE
INDICATIONS ARE THAT WEBB
WILL NOT GET MORE THAN
SECOND DEGREE MURDER AT
MOST.

Portland, Or, Oct. 21l-The case
of Jesse P. Webb. on trial for the
murder of William A. johnson at the
New Grand Central Hotel June 20,
went to the jury today. In delivering
his charge Judge Morrow, Of the cir
cult court, cautioned the jurymen to
be careful in arriving at a verdict,
owing to conflicting evidence that was
introduced during the trial by vari-
GUS witnesses.
Apparently webb's chances of es-
Gaping conviction of first degree muir
der we're best when the jurymen fled
from the court room to begin their
review of testimony that has taken
up the courts time for the last IL
days. The fact that both Webb and
johnson we're both under the infu-
ence of liquor, was established by
witnesses for the state and defense,
and because they had quarreled over
Mrs. Carrie Kirsch, who is charged
with Johnson's murder also,
Is considered by Webbs' at
torneys as being a strong point ia
his favor. They asserted that Webb
would not be convicted OF murder in
the first degree. although they admit
ted that the jury might return a YER
dict OF murder in the second degree.
In his closing argument yesterday
Attorney Senaca Fouts, for the de-
fense, dweit strongly on the infatu-
alton OF Webb for Mrs. Kersch as
the real cause Of the crime. He
sought to convince the jury that
Johnson's money was not the incen-
tive for the murder.
The money. $500. was found in
the possession OF Mrs. Kersch, fol-
lowing their arrst after Jphnson's
body was found stuffed In a trunk at
the union depot.