davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
QUAKER MEDTTATToNs.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record.

tFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
A word to the wise Is sufficient, but
the trouble is to find them.
The motto of the bill collector is
mo sooner said than dun"
OF course, the labor agitator should
have a striking personality.
Many a man has lots of go to him
without any staying qualities.
A man is generally better than a
woman thinks he is, or worse.
About the only incurable disease
nowadays seems to be old age.
A man frequently tells a woman of
his love without being a paying teller.
It isn't until a woman completely
tames her husband that married life
becomes monotonous.
Blobbs-"These foreign missionaries
give me a pain" Slobbs-"Geei You
talk like a cannibal.''
The average married man loses al
most as much money playing poker as
his wife loses buying bargains.
Don't ask an old maid to take a
chance in a lottery. She might mis-
construe 1t as a proposal of marriage.
When a prize fighter makes a hun
dred times as much as a college pro-
lessor the higher education seems to
be knocked sky high.
Miss Backbay COT Boston)-"Of
course, you have read Mark Twain"
Miss Lakebreeze (of Chicago)-''No,
haven't. Who Is it by?s
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
HYHAWKER JOTS

Women, in their conversations. the
Parsons Sun has observed, have a.
great deal to say about dry cleaning.
And the Sun inquiries to know why
they don't use it, whatever it Is. on
their sons who kick and scream at
the sight OF q wash bowl.
Kansas people make entirely too
fuss about the heat, says the Lawrence
Journal Those who have gone away
and have been perfectly truthful about
1t have admitted that the atmosphere
was cooler and the conditions more
rolled all over the house and told
about it with exaggerated phrases to
our neighbors. We are all queer
lot.
There are said to be at least a dozen
women in AtchisOn, reports the GLOBE,
who are trying to get thin by rubbing
a mixture made of ivory soap and Ep-
som salts on the parts to be reduced.
One woman hasn't applied the stuff
equally, and is growing so oneSlded
that her friends are worried about her.
If she keeps on she will look like pic
lures of Before Taking. on one side.
and After Taking, on the other.
It wasn't so long ago that the Re-
publican party was given credit for
good crops when they came along.
Something reminiscent of that is to be
found in this gleeful burst of admira-
ton for the inSurgent cause Wh1cn ap-
peared in the Emporia Gazette: '"The
splendid results of. the tnsurgent VIC
tory are already apparent. No man
could ask for finer weather than Kan
sas has had since the standpatters were
rebuked."
students who keep a fern sitting
on a tabourette in their rooms. this
winter will be viewed with suspicion, .
the Lawrence World says. THE pos
session of a cellarette hidden in one
corner of the hall tree will be suffici-
ent reason for their dismissal. Gone,
all gone, are the good old days when
the accommodating landlady permitted
her rah-rah roomers to convert one
corner of the refrigerator into a minia-
ture barroom If she finds some flat
TASKS hidden under the study room
rug, or some round ones between the
mattresses, she may not smile indul-
gently and say, oh, those dreadful
boys Not now. She must march
straight for the telephone and call up
the university authorities. Such is the
contents of bulletin sent out from the
university last week to Lawrence
rooming houses and boarding clubs.
One by one the indisputable preroga-
tives Of the joyous rah-rahs are being
forbidden by the authorities, and this
bulletin Is the latest"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
HUNOR OF THE DRY

DUDLEY wants a comedy part said the
first member of the amateur theatrical
club. He thinks he'd be a success as a
Comedian" '.Nonsenser' exclaimed the
Sthe. wny a wSpld T 1aSsh at
They were heckling him at a political
meeting. At last he could stand II no
longer "Who brayed there? he cried out
sarcastically: 1T was only an echo, re-
Tit-Bits.
There had been a family row. We'll"
remarked the alleged head OF the mouse.
"a man learns a few things wnen ne getSs
That may be-" retorted the feminine half
of the sketch, "but the school OF exper-
fence doesn't bar goods.
.what makes dinner SO late today"
asks the guest of the little son of the
IandIady of the summer boarding house
which serves none but homegrown vege-
tables and fruits. ma lost the can OPEN
err" is the OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES.
..Do you blow the diner horn here?
asked the summer boarder. NO." said
the boss farmer, sourly. The hands get
such good pay n Is .nS. sney az, az
falo Express.
IT am afraid some crackers are injurious
to children" said the fastfdtous matron.
Have you any safe craSkesf tb,s y mo
Gerry store. The state prison IL ten blocks
own."-Catholic News.
Honesty: my son offers z w csss field "a
do. For every sucker there are at least
ten ultimate mers."-Louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
romb i'm Rear of costly Home.

Residents of the fashionable Occur
d'Alene district, near Venice, will pre-
sent a petition to the board of trustees
of Venice asking that E. F. Kelner, a
Wealthy mining man, be restrained from
completing a tomb for himself and wife
in the rear of his beautiful summer
mansion.
Mr.. Kelner declares that the idea is
common in the south. He stated yes
common in the south. He stated yes
the rear of his beautiful mansion in or
der that the home, which he blilt at
the cost of more than $4,000, might not
be disposed of by his children.
''It is a matter of sentiment with
me-" said Mr.. Ke1ner yesterday What
is life without sentiment? The cree
ton of a tomb near a home is common
in the south. conceived the idea there.
On my last trip to Arizona I brought
a box containing earth from my faith
er's grave. This will be placed inside
the tomb. I came to your beautiful
southland to make my home, and 1t is
near my home that desire to be bur-
led. Another reason is that If / and
my wife are laid at rest here our chill
dren will never dispose of the home. T"
Mr.. Ksl1ier's plan is to erect the con-
crete tomb one foot below the surface
of tho ground. 1t will contain two
vaults large enough to contain two her
1netically sealed coffins The interior of
the valuable collection owned by Mr.
Kelrner. The collins, which will cost APP
proximately $500 each, will be of Arr
iona copper. The name Of Mr.. Kelner
and his wife will be inscribed with gold
ore, The ore which will be placed in
the vaults is valued at several thousand
dollars.-Los Angeles Examiner.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
HUMOR IN LAW.

The ordinary citizen would think
that DR.. Crippen should be put on the
next ship for England and tried for
murder.
But that is not the way of the law,
which seems to love delay in Canada
and England as we'll as in this land
Of the free.
First the law is not sure that Mrs.
Crippen was murdered. She has dis
appeared, but in the mind of the law
she might be off on a visit with her
relatives. Screams were heard and a
body found, but who can identify
screams, and the body was so dissected
that it cannot be positively recognized.
deficit, or something like that. mean
ing that the body Of the deceased must
be produced or proven in order to lay
the foundation Of the charge of muir
der. 1t is going to be hard to prove
that this body, which everybody knows
is Mrs. Crippen's, is the mortal re-
mains of that lady. Unless this fact
can be established the law presumes
that DR.. Crippen ran away with his
typist for a pleasure trip and dis
guised her as a boy so the other men
would not flirt with her. In fact, X
the doctor and his affinity had not
skipped out, the law would have had
no evidence against them and, lacking
corpus deficit, would have been unable
to hold them.
All of which sounds like foolishness
but it is law.-Hutchinson News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
Negroes Malady Incurable.

A remarkable fraud has just been
worked on the Institut Pasteur by a
regro mailing from eastern Africa AL
leging that he was suffering from the
terrible malady Of sleeping sickness. or
beri-beri, the negro was admitted to the
hospital TO undergo treatment. His
symptoms were diagnosed as perpetual
hunger, coupled with profound drowsi-
ness. The doctors at the hospital, be-
ljeving the mans case to be genuine
one, took him in '-~-7 md lavished ev-
cry conceivable attention on him, the
negro being regarded as one of the most
interesting patients in the institution.
A fortnight was spent by the self
styled victim of sleeping sickness in
alternate sleeping and eating, and since
his symptoms took no change for the
worse the doctors begin to pride them
selves that they were working a cure.
Eventually the negro's utter incapa-
bility to make any kind Of physical eff
fort aroused their suspicious, and with
out more ado he was discharged. Some
days afterward the negro returned to
the Institut Pasteur to thank the prin-
cipal for the 1atter's kindness to him.
It was then that the doctors realized
that the negro's complaint was incur
able Paris cablegram to the New
York Tribune.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IFrom the chicago News. !

LFrom the Chicago News.1
A SIS bill is good only as far as it
goes.
A man doesn't mind being bossed by
his wife IL he isn't.
Perhaps time is money because it
manages to slip away SO fast.
An ideal woman is one who succeeds
in concealing her imperfections.
You may be as honest as the day is
long, but the days are growing shorter.
The language Of flowers is on tap
when barefooted boy steps on a
thistle.
There are times when it Is excusable
for a musician to blow about his bust
ness.
If you're looking for a reward II is
better to be pacemaker than peach
maker.
Virtue is its own reward. but some
people seem to think it requires a lot
of advertising.
A young man who speaks from ex-
perience says it is easier to keen COM
pany with girl than it is to keep a
Why will woman try to put a No.
foot In No. 4 shoe. then proceed
to decorate the other extremity Of her
person with hat the size of a cart
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
ROAD BUunTNc

what Iowans have Accommodates IN,
the building of their now famous River
to River road ought to give stimulus
TO the movement in Kansas for turn
ing the old Santa Fe trail highway
across the state into a serviceable
good road" Considerable progress
has already been made in the right
direction with this Kansas project.
There should be no let up in the agi-
tation for 1t and the work on It until
the plans made have been carried out
to their fullest detail
This Iowa road is a dragged road
and runs from Davenport on the Mis-
sissippi river to Council Bluffs, on the
Missouri FLYER. The road is $50 miles
long and crosses the state almost in a
direct line, passing through the Capital
City, Des Moines. It also runs through
dozen smaller cities, ranging from
5000 to $4,000 inhabitants, and some
thirty small towns and villages. over
800 farm houses front on the road and
more than 1900 stand within one mile
Of it. 1t has been improved and is
maintained by an association which
comprises local organizations Of the
business and professional men and
farmers in the counties through which
it passes. And so this road has been
made one Of the finest highways in the
country through the unselfish CO.
operation and hard work of the people
along it's line.
Newspaper enterprise, the same
agency which has started the Santa
Fe trail improvement in this state, is
given the credit for the establishment
of the great Iowa highway. Lafayette
Young. the editor Of the Des Moines
Capital, is rightly looked upon as the
father of this road. 1t was his agita-
ton for it that resulted in the work
being taken up by the men who have
brought it to a conclusion. This Iowa
road Is already credited with having
added thousands and thousand of dol
lars to the economic resources of the
state. Not only that but it has had a
most desirable effect in stimulating
the good roads movement throughout
the entire state.
The accomplishment of the wide
awake and energetic citizens of Iowa
can be duplicated in Kansas. Its
duplication rests with the people of
the state. Surely they will not fail to
take advantage of their opportunities.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13

tensively, he had imagined that the
gentler sex had palled upon him.
Hence his early spring fitting 10
Lukesdale. He was cloyed with So
This girl was q revelation. Conf
dent OF poise, cool wholly at ease.
under what must be to her, to say
the least, singular circumstances,
she was, withal, prettily natural and
simple.
Probably Mr.. Hampton wishes to
battle his hands after his long ride on
that hateful accommodation"
It was the elderly woman who
spoke. "Show him to his room. Vir-
ginia- He can join US at his con-
venience."
I With a resigned sigh Hampton fol-
lowed the maid. Some one had been
expected by these good people. In a
rive, and then--well, Hampton, inn
poster would be kicked out. This
would end his acquaintance with this
Timidly. Hampton again entered
A wheezy voice greeted him. ''How
dye do. Hampton? Feeling re-
freshed?"
The young New Yorker glared at
the returned joker. Uncle Oscar SHIFT
ed about uneasily under the prolonged
and eloquent stare.
"Um-m-m,'' ventured Uncle Oscar.
'sI guess I'll have to speak with Hamp-
ton alone for a moment"
Unceremoniously he dragged the
youth into the library.
ITS all right he interrupted, rails
ing pudgy hand to the young mans
wrathy vociferations. tits all right.
Hampton. Don't get excited, I met
your aunt on my trip to the city
personally acquainted with her, you
know. She was called away suddenly
to the bedside of a sick friend, and
she asked me to find you and bring
you here to my sisters home, where
she had made arrangements for you
to stay until her return. Satisfied p
Surely beamed the youth. more
than satisfied. like
Eyes, I see you do" said the old
man. Virginia likes you, too. See
how she flushed when you came back
-eh? Well, good luck to you, Hamp-
ton. AS for me, I'm going home. y
The old man disappeared down the
hall leading to the street door
Hampton hurried back to the parlor,
l-(Copyrighted 1910 by Associated
Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
KANSAS COMMENT
THE cow.

The dairy COW. if able to express
nerself IN way which the human
Iamiiy would comprehend, might well
lay claim 90 being mans best friend.
Sne might establish such claim by
calling attention to the fact that
from her product and from her carcass
man manufactures more of the neces-
sites OF life than from any other SIM
liar source. She furnishes these ne
cessitfes to him from infancy until
such a time as temporal things are
no longer associated with his exist
ence, and she does it ungrudgingly and
constantly.
In addition to contributing to mans
perity of an agricultural community
is more closely identified with her
than with any other of the domestic
animals. The horse Is quite essential
In filling the soil, but where necessity
requires 1t the sturdy COW can take his
place, as she has done in every agri-
cultural section on earth. The horse
can only furnish labor and can only
return profit to his owner when con-
ditions are right for returning salts
factory grain crops. It Is a we'll known
fact that the dairy cow Is the saliva
ton OF the farmer in times of poor
crops as she is able to convert the
rough crops which are never q total
FAILURE, into dairy crops which always
have a cash value
In addition to this she furnishes
skim milk and buttermilk for the
calves, pigs and poultry and fertility
for the soil, without which a farm be-
comes less valuable each year and the
whole country less prosperous.
The elimination of the dairy cow
would necessitate an almost revolu-
tionary readjustment of mans tastes
and requirements. It would mean un-
told suffering and hardship. or course
she will not be dispensed with but
her value can perhaps best be appre-
.ciated by contemplating such a loss.
She will continue to be mans best
friend as long as the human family ex-
lists and will keep on supplying him
with his greatest needs just as she has
done through all the ages.-Abilene
Reflector.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IRON the Atchison Globe.1

lrTOIIl lIlS &AlCA1lSOu GAOOCsl
A mother is a natural born slave
Of q child.
From the French: All bow to vir-
tue and then walk away.
A mother thinks HER boy is nice
enough for girls to play with.
A country boys idea of boidness is
to go to town in his bare feet.
The woman who invented noodles
in chicken gravy, was no SLOUGH.
No one over ten years of age should
refer to his. or hers. as a "nightie.'
We always have great curiosity to
know what quiet people think about.
Some clocks always strike in way
to suggest there is corpse in the
house.
Mrs. Fred Barrett says it Is nicer
to be a grandmother than it is to be a
bride.
AS a general rule what one politician
tells another is more reliable than
what he tells the public.
The trouble with people who have
HAPPY dispositions is that someone
else is liable to be bearing their bur
dens.
They all do it: we were in a music
store the other day, when a one-armed
man walked in, and began drumming
on piano.
Except that her waist line Is a little
too near her neck. Miss Daisy Mayme
Appleton has the best figure in town.
We often hear a woman say: eff
anything ever happens TO me, and I
am compelled to make my own living"
ETC., etc.
People have been saying for thirty
years that don't amount to much,
and, what is of more Importance, they
have proved it."-Parson Irvine.
A father often says to his son: .You
can make Big Man of yourself if you
want to-" The father didn't do it, but
he thinks it is easy for his son to do.
"A certain amount of humiliation
is necessary to keep a man modest.
but often think am Inundated and
beaten more than 1t is necessary
Parson Irvine.
The Atchison women greatly admire
a certain man who proposed to his
wife on his knees. (Note-Every mar
ried man who reads this will say:
you bet didnst',)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Persons who insist the world doesn' t
understand them don't understand
themselves.
Life would not be very interesting
if 1t were not for the troubles that
abound in 1t.
There is one redeeming feature
about a picnic: You don't have to ac-
cept an invitation to one.
= y
After all crying babies attract the
most attention, even II 1t Is Of the
unfavorab1e sort.
= y
This IL also the season of the year
when folk return from vacations ana
try hard to give the impression that
they had q more enjoyable time than
they did.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1910-08-13

EDWARDS AND THE FLYING

EDWARDS AND THE FLYING
TACKLE"
But recently there were stories In
the sporting pages of the newspapers
that the committee in football rules
had abolished, or determined to apol.
There had suddenly come to an over
sensitive group of college men the
conception that this form of attack
was Dangerous" The popular de-
mand of people who had never played
any other game than corner-lot base
hail was to be appeased; the 1umpy
and stumpy and heavy and large
young gentlemen of the universities
were to be sent on to the gridiron with
the absolute assurance that not even
their hair would be crumpled In the
halfs and that they might even drink
mink lemonade with the sorority maids
when the amiable contest" was over
And then, in our special New York
dispatch of yesterday, there came that
valorous story of how big Biz Ed
wards, street commissioners, MADE Just
one of those styling tackles" for Gal
lagher, the attempted assassin OF
Mayor Gaynor, and catching him
about the knees" flung him against
the taffrail of the steamer with ter
rife force" big Bill, held him there
then: a winded and PROSTATE poltroon;
and but for that fierce leap OF the
Princetonian, it may be that another
bullet would have sped to it's deadly
purpose. Wherefore we conclude that
the flying tackle may put a man OUT
of the game now and then; put the
use of 1t is a nightly effective ac-
QUESTION in. unexpected moments ana
alertness in it thing we should be
10th to discourage. We sing the n.y.
ing tackle and the fame Of big Biz
Edwards. of Princeton, VINO once again
has brought honor to his loving roster
mother-Denver Times.
GRAFT IN CORPORATE BUSINESS
At the Illinois Central car fraud
hearing the testimony showed great
deal of the padding of the bills. Some
of the bills were raised 1000 per cent
over the real price. The padding
covered a large amount OF the pur-
chases of the company, and the fraud
business continued for some time with
out detection. It is a great surprise
how so much fraud could be perpe-
trated under the eyes o. the officials
of the company.
It leads one to question how wide
spread may be this careless conduct of
corporate business. And is anyone in
connection with the corporation inter-
ested in these unlawful gains? To what
extent may these contracts be padded
in the interest of those on the inside
without the corporations ever finding
1t out? These are important questions
since every citizen is interested in
every public utility's conducting its
business economically and honestly,
The claims upon the community in the
way of rates and dividends are largely
dependent upon the care and prudence
with which q Quasi-public corporation
transacts it's business.
The incident suggests an inquiry of
wide scope-how far astray is public
sentiment out Of which these frauds
emanate, and how may that sentiment
be corrected which generates such
frauds? In these days when we are
so much disturbed about the housefly
and the microbe, why. may not we ac-
cord a little of that time to so instruct
ing and exciting public sentiment as to
eradicate all these frauds--Ohio State
Journal