The Washington herald., 1910-05-08
BY DENNIS MAY.

Not long after Christmas Uncle Sy
came into Bud SIMPSONS shop late one
snowy afternoon. It was quite evident
that lie had been partaking of the con-
tents Of the gallon jug Of Bourbon, with
which he always provided himself at that
season. His face was slightly flushed.
and his eyes had a more than ordinary
glitter. Also he began putting his strong
cob pipe. without first removing his Quid
an act Of observation-disclosures which be-
tokened considerable mental perturba-
tlop. lie LOST no time in diving into the
subject which was uPpermost in his
thoughts.
say. Bud. has you noticed all this
talk in the papers about their tryin TO
have prohibition I'm Virginia.
Yes" said Bud. "an' 1 don't know but
wha, it would be a blamed good thing
Well dern by buttons. Bud, if didn't
think you had more sense'n to talk that
away. as big a fool as you is on most
subjects / thought when YOU drunk that
quart O. whisky at my house Christmas
Eve you'd give up your fool notions about
prohibition"
why" said Bud, you know what the
drunken temperance lecturer said: Prohi-
bition is a principle with me. but gittin
drunk is a habit Besides, prohibition
only shuts up saloons II don't mean we
can't git no whiskey TO drink
Uncle Sy was jubilant.
Blame it, Bud. you has made one sensi-
BILE remark at last. Prohibition don't
mean YOU can't git no whisky TO drink.
I'll tell YOU what # does mean. 1t means
you can't git nothin' but whisky 10 drink.
II they had a saloon in this here town
which they amt had fur ten years-we
could drink beer or wine, but rs it is
we've got 10 send away fur our liquor,
and so we don't git nothin but whisky.
O. course. when we send we's goin' to git
not less'n a gallon. Now most fellers
with gallon Jug o. liquor Is agoin' to
stick pretty close TO that there little brown
Jug tin it's all gone. BY that time. he's
! generally been drunk about six times"
Maybe he'd been drunk six dozen
times If he could o. got to a saloon"
bud. il you had the sense YOU was
! born with you'd know that the best way
/ To make a feller want to drink IS TO tell
| him he shant. Human nature is awful
stubborn that away. a man what knows
he can git drink any time he wants IL
amt agoin' 10 want IL as bad as if he
thinks he can't git It. The forbidden fruit
! is always the kind we's specially hungry
/ fur. l tell you prohibition won't prohibit. "
J Bud thought he saw an opening there.
well. neither does the law agin muir
der prohibit murder. Thar amt no law
! what prohibits. as fur as I kin see.''
| Bud. you's talkin about crime, but a
taste fur liquor aint no crime. unless you
admit that you's the biggest criminal on
/ earth An there's a dern sight o. folks
| better'n you what would have to confess
| that they's criminals. The whole human
race has got a cravin' fur alcohol O.
some kind. II they can't git beer or wine
| they'll take whisky-rye, corn, moonshine
anything. If they can't git whisky they'll
take Jamaica ginger. bay rum. an any
old patent medicine what's got whisky ir
! tan most of 'em has. Amt ten mer
! kilt themselves in this here county in the
last two years drinkin' jamaica ginger?'
Maybe twenty would O. kilt themselves
ef they could O. got to a barroom"
Fur my part" said Uncle Sy, Il
ruther see twenty men drink themselves
TO death. like gentlemen, than to see ten
die from Jamaica ginger, like lRlTes with
the collie Human nature wants alcohol.
same as it does bread an meat. Some
cranks may do without bread, some with
out meat but the most O. peoples bound
to have 'em both. Some may be tee
totalers, but most folks is agoin' to have
liquor in some shape or form I heerd a
feller say wunst that all the good men O.
the Bible, pretty much, was fond o. their
tody. The fust thing that Noah did
when he landed from the Ark was TO
plant a vine; an the fust chance he got
he got drunk I guess he was pretty
dry after that long ride on the water
wagon. An every human bein' on the
earth IS descended from Noah St Paul
used 10 take little liquor now an then
fur his stomach's sake. In fast, this
L.