The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-22
HAVE YOU TRIED AMMONIA?
Story Born in Washington Travels
Round the World.


/ tNictor Kaufman in Hsrper's WeckIvD
This is the true story OF a story that
viii not down II had its beginning more
than seventeen years ago and 60 all in
tents and purposes 10 is as fresh today as
it ever was.
Tn 1921 I was a reporter on 4 Washing
ton evening paper. On q day i'm October
of that year. during An unusually heavy
wind and rainstorm that swept over tile
city. really hurricane, large building
on 7 street that was being erected for
music hall was blown down and several
persons were either killed or injured. Tn
a very few minutes ! was ON the spot
watching the police and firemen i'm the
work Of removing the debris and resCuiug
the victims I must have sat down upon
a green wall, for on my way home from
the office that afternoon a friend called
my attention to the fact that the rear OF
my trouscrss was badly marked with plss-
Now I was particularly pleased with
that pair of trousers. for they had but re-
Gently been made for me by a New York
tailor and were the most costly raj
mcnt" that I had ever INDUCED in So
that evening ] left word that when John
Quander. cOlored handy-msn. came iu
the morning to black the boots and Incl
dentally to rouse me for my days toll. no
was TO give that garment a very thorough
cleaning.
The next morning when John had
ieFfEN VA ivy ANNl NIIF IANlDlftrIl IEIIEE
Of time, the following conversation en-
sued:
Deed. sir. 7 can't get them pants
cleaned uohOw 7 done bresh -cm. m use
wet rag. n soap n. water, but can't
set 'em clean nohOw.
John. have you tried ammouis~
-. NO. SIT. I haven't but ] know they'd
Tit me first rate
Now ! thought then and still think that
I that was thc best pun fin the English
/ language. especially as the perpctratnr
was so thoroughly innocent. 7 sent tine
story with q suggestion for an illustration
to q leading New York weekly. 7 received
no reply. but a few weeks later tho story.
with an Illustration such as T had out
lined did appear i'm another well known
periodical presume thst some friend
who had heard me tell it had forestallecsT
me and had reaped the reward ha-
thought was mine.
However that may he that story is still
gong the rounds of the press and crop
ping UP as brand new story with re-
markahle regularity. A few years ago
when ] was in Florida. 7 saw the story
in Philadelphia paper ascribed to Repre-
sentative john Sharp Williams. Again
saw 1t in Chicago daily credited to the
son Of a famous Milwaukee brewer who
mad valet That was the only differ
ence- tt has happened at intervals I'm
New York. usually laid at the doors ar
some well known visitor at a prominent
up town hotel Ii has come to be a part
Of the stock in trade of many professional
intervieEers- who. when short Of fresh
material. ring it IN i'm their Hotel Cor
ridors" column as told by some fIlustri-
Gus guest AT q leading hotel
And so it goes
Some fifteen years ago a Washington
lady told the story at a luncheon. only
she finished it up something like this.
John have you tried cheauoIfoTT
No. sir. / haven't; but know they'd
fit me first rate
And she wondered why IL fell so flat.
Tor she had heard il told by Eiinor Nc-
Cartney Lane the novelist and piav-
wright. and always with great success.
Mrs Lane first heard the story dav or
Two after it occurred and for more
than seventeen years now it has occupied
a. prominent place in her repertoire. It IS
the only old story she tells.
In the spring OF 1907 [ was at the Grand
canyon IN Arizona. and there met p very
brilliant young woman from Los Angeles.
who was one Of the best story tellers 7
have ever known We swapued warns I'm
own for The last and best Finally I
spTsng II in what 7 thought was my verv
pest style. but there was nothing doing
In despair ] repeated il. acCenting the
point. Thus. Have YOU tried ammonia
have you tried EN- on YOU. See2"
With Vistfui look across the great
chasm she merely said
Please do not ask me to laugh st thar
story. ] had 90 laugh at it. at seven din
ner parties in san Francisco last winter
and each time the teller insisted it mad
This summer. wneu 7 was i'm New Eng
land. this same young woman sent me
an August number Of n popular magazine.
IN which my story again saw the light
Of day
Last winter my brother was at din
neT given by the Mems society OF the
Church Of the Covenant which in years
gone by has sometimes been known as
the Church Of the Government" A gen
tleman sitting at his right told him that
selfsame story as having happened To
him. and few minutes later one OF the
chief speakers Of the evening incorporated
il in his address as a personal expert
ence.
! have never seen the story in London
Punch. but 7 am sure that by the time
It has reached its majority. four years
hence. the editors viii have appreciated
its merits. and that 7 shall have the
pleasure Of seeing it in American papers,
reproduced with due credit, from thafs
famous English weekly. Only 7 am afraid
they will substitute methylated spirits for
ammonia.
Now what 7 want to know Is this. VIII
any one nov believe that this is really
my story. and that it actually happened
to me ABOUT 7:l5 o'clock on the morning
of Nov. "a 1891.
In conclusion. let me say that I have
ceased telling the story.