davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Tho Silver Thread.

A matron in Harlem was calling
upon another matron in Harlem. Mel
ther was young, but one looked
more so.
Really, my dear" said the one that
looked more So you ought to have
your hair treated. It's becoming quite
gray in spots. See what n difference
1t has made with me. You would look
much younger-really."
But | don't care to look much
younger If ! must dye my hair to do
So" was the reply. II prefer to be
natural. If the Lord sends me gray
hair there's a good reason, and I'm sat
isfied."
But think of your children, my
dear. They're grown up now"
what have they got to do with itT'
''Why, don't you see? The younger
you look the younger 1t makes them
appear. And your girls are way past
twenty, you know"
The matron who was gray in spots
was still looking dazed when her Wis.
itor departed. York Globe.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Saved His Rupees.

During a great flood at Haidarabad a
native banker. overtaken by the sud-
den rush of water, made his way on
to q mound, where he was quickly iso-
lated. The water rose, and the bank
er's legs were covered to his knees
Fifty rupees about f3 7s.J, 80 rupees" P"
he shouted, ito any one who will save
mer' When the water reached his
shoulder he was shouting, "One thou
sand rupeesr' When enveloped to his
neck. with death staring him in the
face. he yelled: Help, help! All that /
have will | give to any one to save
mer' Shortly after the water began
to reccla When once more he was
covered only to his E-cas an offer Of
rescue came. Eut tie ban'.2r pluck
ing up his courage cried: Keep of!
Keep off! ! will MT give a rupoaH'
and succeeded in making It's escape
free OF charGe.-St. Jamcs' Gazette.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
PERSONALS.

Mrs. w. b. Schuck, and daughter
CLARA, Mill street, spent yester day
with relatives in Sunbury.
N. B. Cohen Of Wilkes Barre, is Wis
iting relatives in Danville.
Miss Emeline Lyon returned yester-
day after visit with relatives in Ber-
wick
Miss Ida Gallagher, Bloom street,
was Bloomsbury visitor yesterday
Misses Catherine English. Hattie
Flannigan and Margaret MoKenna
will leave today for q weeks 8 visit
with friends i'll Shenandoah
George Souneborn, South Danville,
returned last evening after business
trip to New York.
Mrs. Alexander Foster, Mrs. Reese
Edmoudson and Mrs. Charles Peifer
will atGend the funeral Of Miss Miriam
'Savidge. at Bioomsburg. today.
Mrs. James h. James and daughter,
Miss Tillie James. will apend today
with friends in Bloomsbury.
Mrs. j. Kimerer, Upper Mulberry
street, is WASTING friends in Shamok-
in.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
tablet UNVEILED IN MBhURY
Of REV. Father N. !. O'RE|LLY
Anniversary Mass at st. JosephS-Bishop J. w
ohanahan Presided at Divine Offce-Rev. Father
McCann Celebrated solemn Requiem Mass

altar here bur lessons of highest wis
dom. He preached as eloquently by
his actions aud examples as by his
words. tie never asked a sacrifice OF
his people when he did not make QUE
himself greater than they. The finau-
cial affairs Of the parish at his death
bute testimony to wise and efficient
q tmiuIstration.
Father Donovan alluded to the est.
ablIshmeut of the new cemetery. the
building Of the present rectory aud
other things accomplished by Father
O'Reilly, but he declared that his
browning work in this parish was the
establishment Of the paroohial school.
No parish, the speaker said, is COM
plete without parochial school.
Catholics so highly prize the gift of
aith that for this they make sacrifices
beyond all others. Thoy pay the school
tax and without any assistance maiu-
tain their parish school.
Father O'Reilly did not accomplish
his work without trials aud difficult
ties and herein, tie speaker said. lies
a lesson to other prie.t Is. Father o.
Reilly through faith IN God removed
all difficulties. His trials aud his saori-
fees were many aud they are the
brightest stars in his crown today.
In conclusion Father Donovan eloqu-
entity remarked "The highest honor
that we can paw to the memory of Fa-
ther o. Reilly is to show forth in
Catholic lives the purity, the devo-
ton, the ready obedience aud the loyal
support to God. which he inculcated
by his teaching and example. -
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Heroic Husbands.

Some women were discussing over
their afternoon tea the statement that
a man is no more n hero to his wife
than to his valet. There seemed to be
no opposition to the idea that mans
servant did not appreciate him, but all
stoutly maintained that their husbands
were heroic in one way or another.
my husband is very heroic" said
Mrs. Black For instance. he will
give up his visit to the club to play
tackstraws with my old mother, and
she is his mother-in-law, you know"
II think l can beat that" remarked
Mrs. Gray. when my milllner's quar-
terly bin comes in my husband smiles
as he writes a check and never thinks
of looking at the items"
81 can give you better example
than either OF thosew exclaimed Mrs.
White when the morning paper
comes at breakfast time my husband
always offers me the first reading of
It."
An informal vote awarded the last
speakers husband the medal for hero
ism.-Youth's Companion.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Cams Dry Aumor.

When the gallant Welsh captain
David Gam was sent forward by
Henry v to reconnolter the French
army before the battle of Agincourt
he found that the enemy outnumbered
the English by about five to one. His
report to the king Is historic:
"There are enough to be killed,
enough to be taken prisoners and
enough to run away"
This quaint forecast of the result Of
the battle at once spread through the
camp, and doubtless every yeoman
archer of the valiant company felt an
inch taller. We know that it was al
most literally justified by the event.
Poor Cams dry humor was equaled
by his courage. He was killed while
in the act of saving the life of his
prince-London Standard.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Nothino Funny About II.

Scene-A druggists shop in small
Scotch village, which, as usual with
druggists shops similarly situated, is
the general emporium for all sorts of
merchandise. Cycling tourist enters
and purchases a cigar, after lighting
which he attempts to draw the pro
prietor into conversation, but the lat
ter seems reticent.
The tourist, after passing some re-
marks on the weather, asked, Don't
you feel trade dull at times In this lit
tie village, chemistg'
"Oh, well" replied the druggist. 81
Gamma complain. But, excuse me, mails
ter. dinna alloo smokin' in my
shop"
"Indeedr' said the tourist, THAT is
strange. You sell tobacco and cigars
and still don't permit smoking in your
shop. 1t is really rather funny"
"Ou, man" was the reply, there's
naething funny aboot 1t. sell arsen-
ic, but dinna alloo ye to commit sui
eide in my shopr'
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
The Yorkshireman.

There is a characteristic glimpse OF
Yorkshire "downrightness" In the pub
lished "reminiscences of an English
clergyman:
At my institution to Upham re
tired colonial bishop about to take an
English benefice, said: We'll, you and
have worked both in north and
south. In what points do you consider
that they differ" "Oh, my lord" l
answered 81 can soon tell you that,
II a Yorkshreman thinks you q fool
he comes and tells you so to your face.
Down here they go and tell somebody
else" "You have exactly hit it," said
the bishop. 'The difference could not
be better described"
Yorkshire regard for the pocket the
aforesaid clergyman illustrates In this
anecdote:
A groom being asked how long he
lived in the south replied. Twenty
years" What! Have you, York
shireman, lived twenty years down
here and not made your fortune?''
"Eh," answered the man, 'but meas
ther were Yarkshire too
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
-FOUR GENERATIONS
WIRE PRESENT

A surprise party was held at the
home of John W. McWilliams. White
Hall. on Friday. in honor of his 57th
birthday. The younger people enjoyed
themselves with dancing, music being
furnished by the White Hall orchestra
fine supper was served. MIR. McWil-
liam s mother being present and his
daughters children, there were four
generations present.
The guests were: Rev. and Mrs. II.
q. Munro and daughter Mary, Mr.. and
Mrs. Clinton Hilner, Miss Maggie Nc
Bride, Mrs Margaret e. Marshall, Mrs.
Susan McWilliams, Mrs. Peter Rishel,
Mrs. Katharine Carey. Mr.. and Mrs.
Chas. Carey, Mr.. and Mrs. Ellis Fow-
ler, Marion Fowler, Isabel Fowler, MIR.
and Mrs. John Smith, Millicent Smith,
Mrs. Geo. Marshall, Lloyd Marshall,
Mr.. aud Mrs. d. A. Cox, Gilbert Cox,
Mr.. aud Mrs. Thomas Derr, Mrs. Mary
Carey, Isaiah Leighow, Amos Leighow,
Miss Pearl Smith, John Hartman,
Susie Hartman, Walter Ssifert, Charles
Cortermsu. John Temple. Raymond
Hilner, Frederick Hilner, Mary Dill
dine, Florence Dildine, Mr.. and Mrs
James Carey, Allen Biddle, Edward
Hartman, Jacob Hilner, Mrs. Ella
Brannen, Mr.. and Mrs. Chss. Dewsld,
Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd Confer, Edward
Johnston, John Hartman, Geo. Johns
ton, Frank Carey. Mrs. Hannah Shell,
of Milton Mrs. John Montgomery, of
Pottsgrove; George Rishel, Miss Marg-
aret Wolf, Roy Schooley, Mrs. Blanche
Rishel, Mr.. and Mrs. Mont Derr,
Eleanor Derr, ]. Mckee Derr, Charles
Derr, Mr.. and Mrs. Pursel, Bruce Pur-
sci, Sarah Pursel, Grace Pursel, Mr..
and Mrs. Edward Albeck, Mr.. and
Mrs. Henry Hilner, s. Q. Hartrsnft,
daughters Susie and Pauline, Bell
Rogers, Mr.. Fox, Mr.. and Mrs. Hill,
Rufus Hill. Mr and Mrs. Oliver
Johnston, Mrs. Jacob Holdren, Mr.. and
Mrs. Charles Kresmer and son Ralph,
Mr.. and Mrs. j. b. Dewsld, Paul De.
wald. George Dewald, Bruce Neither
i'll. Mr.. and Mrs Jacob BiddIe, Charles
Bowman and Laura Fenstermacher.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
.e-----=-. .. ----------
A Mouui Repartes,

A certain commissioner was given to
treating the Indians with scorn they
did not deserve. One day as he sat
with Il great chief In his tepee, smok.
ing the pipe OF peace, the chief enter
tained him with many quaAt legends.
One of these dealt withNS plague of
locusts, and the grim orator described
in flowery language how they had
swarmed over the land, eating every
herb and green leaf and blotting out
the light Of day for very number. Then
he concluded by remarking that 1t was
not until the medicine man made an
Offering Of a silver locust to the Great
Spirit that the creatures disappeared
and this they did swiftly and sudden,
ly.
Loudly the commissioner laughed
the superstitious Indian TO scorn.
"Do you mean to say you're such
fools as TO believe that rubbish?" he
asked.
mot much," replied the chief grave
~, "or we would have offered the
Great Spirit silver paleface long
Philadelphia Telegraph.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11

Stow, referring t. tie "boncacrs'
which the Ci;izclF e London were
wont to make in liz streets on tile
vigiles of fest,ual Cuycs and on the
same festiuall dayea in the eueniHss
after the sunne setting every man be
slowing wood or lGbour towards
them" and which were an occasion of
feasting and merriment, says that
these were called bonefers as well
Of good amitie amongst neighbours,
that. being before at controuersie, We're
there by the labours of others, recon-
ciled and made of bitter enemies,
louing friendes, as also for the vertue
that great fire hath to purge the In
lection of the ayre."-London Globe.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
His Plausible Excuse.

Magistrate-Thi affair looks to me
more like n common dog fight than a
case of assault and battery. You claim
that this man assaulted you and that
you did not even try to defend your
self. yet he bears the marks of your
teeth in three places. How do you ac-
count for that?
Plaintiff Well, it was jest like this.
He hurt me SO when he was a-pound-
in of me that | had ter have sumthin'
ter bite on. or couldn't "a stood it.
Los Angeles Times.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Her Lockout.

"I must tell you the joke OF me-"
eaid a business woman who keeps
BACH in a cunning little apartment
Last week ! invited two friends for
luncheon. As have just an hour at
noon | got everything ready before ]
left in the morning that could be pre-
pared and set on the Ice. l made
lovely salad, n dessert prepared for
toasted mullins and tea and set my ta-
BILE in all its glory, even buying some
flowers for a centespiece. My guests
met me at the Office and we went to
the apartment. What do you think ]
had done? Left my keys inside and
locked the door,
There was absolutely no way for us
90 get in. The 5anitor bad pass key,
but he was away. All the windows on
the fire escapes We're locked. and no
other key in the building fitted. There
was nothing TO do but take my guests
20 a restaurant Then l found that /
had not even brought my purse from
the Office never dreaming that l should
need it, ] had to ask my guests for
money TO pay for the luncheon, and,
as it happened, they only had a quar-
ter each above their carfare. We went
80 the cheapest place we could find
and had sandwiches and coffee.
Wasn't tnat funny?"~ eFrrss%'H>'tss
Theirs as Prompter.
Among the anecdotes related by the
Marquis Massa in lis Souvenirs et
Impressions" is one about the first
president of the French republic. 1t
runs: "a short time after young Theirs
had been elected as n legislator a num-
ber Of our set arranged to give per
formance of Roman chez Ia portiere'
at the house of a mutual friend. On
the evening of the performance our
prompter deserted us, and without
moments hesitation the new fiedged
deputy volunteered to take the place.
and despite the protests of some of
the party, who feared that his dignity
might be everlastingly injured, he
jumped into the box, where he re-
NAMED ready to help us in time Of
need until the curtain descended on
what proved to be highly Satisfac-
tory performance"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
East Indian Proverbs.

An old English proverb: Cut your
coat according to your cloth" The
following is similar proverb in In
dia: Look at your bed before stretch
ing your legs on It," Don't ask for
sauce in a free boarding house." Is
another Indian proverb which is some
thing like the English proverb. BEG
gars must not be choosers."
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
One of the Lucky Ones.

A lady of title, an ardent motorlst,
is very unfortunate in the matter of
spills. The other day, by no means for
the first time, an engineer came to do
various repairs to the motor.
The little girl of the house watched
and then remarked:
II think mammals very unlucky with
her motor, don't you?"
"Unlucky, did ye say?" replied the
mechanic. why, no; not particularly
unlucky. Her ladyship's alive, amt
sheT'
Eyes, of course she is" said the girl.
"Well," was the rejoinder, with an
expressive shake of the head. 'lots Of
our customers amt"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
LOCAL OPlIUN
GIFTS DLPEAT
HARRISBURG. March 10.

The Fair local option bill was de-
feateh ON second reading last evening
by the house of representatives, 66 to
l37, majority against the measure of
seventy -one. Last nights defeat came
at the conclusion of three hour de-
bate, which would have lasted consid-
erably longer had not the members,
tired and impatient, howled down the
men who tried to talk after 10 80
O'clock; In this process of elimination
the visitors, whose name WAS legion
assisted materially.
WILL NOT RECONSIDER 1T.
The defeat is decisive. r. Willis
Fair, of Westm moreiand, who fathered
the bill after it had been drafted by
the Anti-Saloon league, said after ad
journment that no attempt will be
made to reconsider the vote by which
lt was defeated. 1t is known, however,
that the Auti-Saloon league will i'm
mediately form its lines of battle for
The primaries and general election next
year, The vote of siXty-six in favor of
the bill last night was thirty votes
less than were cast in 1907 to place the
Craven bill on the calendar, when only
eight yaes were needed. The difference
is accounted for largely by the fact
that many members Of the house of
1907 are not members of the present
house and by the fact that some of
those who voted aye two years ago
took positive stand upon the oppos-
ite side when confronted with the
question of enscting the law
D-BREAKING CROWD.
No greater crowd ever visited the
capitol, excepT on dedication day more
than two years ago, than focked to
the hill for the debate, and everyone's
interest was held until the vote was
announced. Speaker Cox's gavel fell
at s :05, when spectators were literally
hanging on like flies, number of
them having climbed to window recess
ses and made themselves as comfort
able as possible there for the session.
The majority of the people in the hall
were men. MIR. Fair conceded that the
| bill had been treated with considera-
tion by the leaders of the house.
ZIMMERMAN SPEAKS.
The debate was opened by Prof
/ Fair and numerous addresses were
made first for one side and then for
the other Under the alternating agree
meut, r. Scott zimmerman, of Mon
tour, took the flOor-the first Demo.
cratic speaker of the evening. No
more eloquent speaker sits in the house
than the Danville lawyer and, while
he advanced no unique argument, his
appeal was one OF the most entertain
ing and convincing Of the evening
He argued, mainly that electors should
be allowed to vote upon the license
question just as they vote for officers
or upon other public questions.
CAREFUL IN VOTING.
At the close Of the debate a roll call
was demanded by George ]. Sohad and
seconded by Professor Fair. At the
suggestion Of Speaker Cox each man
rose in his place at the call and voted.
The voting was extremely slow and
methodical in order 10 eliminate op-
pOrtunity for error, and at the conclu-
sion Flynn, of Elk, called for verifc-
alton OF the roll.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Home Loving Monteneerins.

Nowhere is love Of country more in
tense than among the Montenegrins,
to whom exile is the greatest of pun
ishments. When W. ]. Stillman was
there in the seventies all the free men
were away fighting, and he observed
that when a messenger was wanted
the official took a man out of the pris-
on and sent him off, with no fear that
he would not return. One such mes
senger was sent to Cattaro, in Aus
trian territory, with large sum of
money for the bank and he duly came
back Another asked a Russian at
Cattaro to intercede with Prince Mich
olas for his release from prison. But
you are not in prison." said the Rus
sian. "Oh," said the man, II have
only come down for a load OF skins
for So-and-so. but must go into pris-
on again when l get back TO Cettinje.'
One prison guard watched all the pris-
oners when they summed themselves
out of doors, and If he was called
away prisoner would take his rife
and act as sentry for the time.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Dfa2rQR.S ExESTHKRS

are said often to be buried six feet under
ground. But many times women call on
their family physicians, suffering, as they
jnagne. one from dyspepsia, another from
haart disease, another from liver or kid
ucv disease another from nervous pros
trs tio!., another with pain here and there,
glri in this way they present alike to
themselves and their easy-going or over
busy doctor, separate diseases, for which
lie, assuming them to be such, prescribes
his ellis and putiOns. In reality, they are
ali Gbiy symptoms caused by some uterine
disease. The physician, ignorant Of the
cUuss Of suffering, ESeps up faS treatment
until large bills are nlSde. ,l&e Qfferng
patient gets no betteh g1y-feaS -0> the
wrong treatment, but probably worse. "A
p-Qler lnndiclQe Like Dr. Rlerce,s EaAntiIe
breserlpJiOn, directed u the, Ca1LSe- would
have CntIreE ICM4IId the disease, there
BY dispellng all those dIsTeSSuHg Synp-
TOMS, and !nsttuting comfort instead OF
prolonged misery. II has been well said,
that 20 disease known is half cured.7
DR.. Picrces Fayorite Prescription Is 8
scientific medicine, carefully devised by
sn experienced and skliltul physician,
and adapted to voman's delicate system.
II is made Of native American medicinal
roots and Is perfectly harmless in its
effects IL IiLlL CIlLlIL[l -QL-1Ic-fe -feLllH
Ks 4 powerful invigorating tonic rFa
vorte Prescription lmparts strength t.
the whole system ond to the organs dis
tinctly feminine in particular. For over
worked, "worn-Out," rundown" debili
tated teachers, millners, dressmakers
scamstresscs, "shop-girls," house keepers,
nursing mothers, aud feeble women gem
orally, DIR. Pierce's Favorite Prescription
Is the greatest earthly boon, being un'
equaled as an appetizing cordial and re
storative tonic.
As = soothing and strengthening nerv.
inc UEavorite Prescription is unequaled
ard Ia Invaluable in allaying and sub
DUNG nervous cxcitability, irrita abilty,
nervous exhaustion. nervous prostratlon,
neuralgia, hysteria, spasms, St. Vltus's
dance, and other distressing, nervous
symptoms commonly attendant upon
functional and organic disease OF the
uterus. II induces refreshing sleep and
relieves n anxiety and dependency
DR.. Ph 'easant Pellets invigorah
he 81 .,...t rf an6 bowels. One k
three .- 70 take AZ candy
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11

To Whom II Ma, Concern =

To Whom IL Ma, Concern =
Notice IL hereby given that tie
Courr Of @. p. Of Moutour Co., on tie
11th day Of jan. 1909. granted role
to show eau g why tie said Court
should not enter uecree changing the
name # Ralph Winter niehl To Ralph
Beaver Ditll
Said rule retuuab = April l2 1903,
at 10 O'Clock, a. ".
THOS. G. VINCENT, Proth.
Ralph X 'sneT NJ 40
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
A Person of Note.

Colonel White-Your son Is quite
singer. isn't he, Busenbark? Brother
Busenbark-Yassah! Yassah! 'Bleeged
to yo' for AKIN, Dat boy, sab, am
suttingly de most malodorous culled
pusson in dis whole town.-Puck.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Eoffs Him.

Scott suppose you are saving ur
something for rainy day. Mott
try to. but my wife mistakes every
bargain sale for shower.-Bostop
Transcript.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11

Blobbs-Why don't you consult a
doctor about your insomnia? Slobbs-
What! And run up more bills? Why,
it's because of what l owe him now
that ! can't sleep.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
When He EnioYs HOMO.

Does your husband enjoy his home?"
"Yes-whenever | want him To take
me to the ter."-Cleveland Leader.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11

"Silence in the court!' thundered
the Judge, and the laughter died away
"Mr. Bailiff," continued the instruc-
tions from the bench, "eject the next
man who defies the law of gravity
Philadelphia Ledger.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Wanted Full Credit-

"Now, my little man, you are accused
of striking another boy and knocking
out one of his teeth"
"'Scuse me- jedge two of his teeth"
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
Abroad.

Abroad Is a locality entirely sur
rounded by seasickness. In another
view it is a bourne more or less mys-
terious, bounded on its farther side by
your income and on its hither side by
custom houses where you have to de-
clare everything you bring back with
you except a foreign accent and one
change of hosiery.
Abroad is where
I. They put
a. Labels all over your luggage aud
b. 1t all over you.
2. You are almost always going
down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and
the good Samaritan invariably wants
a tip.
Abroad is the stage of history, but
that is only because history made the
too common mistake OF not seeing
America frst.-Puck.
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
A Bitter Pill.

Milly-And how does your brother
take married life? Tilly-He takes it
according to directions. His mother
in-law lives with him. - Illustrated
Bits
Montour American. (Danville, Pa.) 1866-1920, 1909-03-11
No Insult.

'T amt insultin of yer. tell yer I'm
simply calm of yer liar, an yer are
enew-London Punch.