The Detroit times., 1909-05-28

i(Council chamber at night. Chair
man Whirling Eddy presiding. Com :
mittee OF 80 In session. members ia
evening dress--a rose In every button
hole. Disported gracefully about stage
Cigars and cigarettes in evidence
r. whIrling Eddy-The COMMITTEE
aN--of Fifty--aw--wlll be IN ofdah
The secretary viii call the roll.
DIR. Carextensioas-I arose, Mister
Chairman, for Inflammation In an
swering der roll call, do We say pres
II. WhirlIns Eddy-If both present
and guilty--aw--I should say that you
should SO state.
mans. | move der suspension OF der
Whirliag -Eddy-Unless there are
be dispensed with. l hear no obJec-
lions. There are no objections. NOW,
my dear fellahs. I'm mighty glad TO see
you heah don't you know. The mayor
Il --1aw-that is to say Florai Phil. has
beseechfd us TO take charge-aw-of
Y this whole deuced traction predicta-
ment-aw. Quite an honah, don't you
think? The mayah--that is 10 say
Floral Phil--aw--has another stupen-
duwous mattah on hand that is absorb
ing his entire attention. as II Were
J something most nome ntouS, ne ADVISES
your chairman-something may say,
that Will stagger humanity when he
discloses II In It's entirety. don't you
know. am not now Ieferrins 10 what
mark You know that we have the
Cadillac 80 and the Chalmers Detroit
30. and soon we are TO have the assess
ment rate 30. So he has selected a
choice group Of the best brains
and bank accounts I'm the entire
city. II | may say so. to save the
from the impending dangah OF public
ownership. To be sure-aw-it Will
mean that us fellahs must neglect the
club and golf most shamefully while
brothah and that prince of good feliahs.
Jersey Hunchon. from the confiscatory
madness of the mob. You know how
deucedly disqualified these vulgar re-
formahs are to grapple with this over
whelming proposition-aw. Why. sirs.
] declare TO you that not one OF these
public ownership advocates ever took
on a dress suit. let along the taking on
OF the great burdens OF running
street railway system. Dear Fellahs.
you will be immeasurably relieved to
know that we are well rid OF Oneof
Myown and T.. +. Migrate. who have
insisted upon exalting the people above
this committee In intellect and patriot
ism--the very idea. They Were never
qualified, anyhow. the Detroit club
roster failing to contain their names.
Let US now TO our arduous duties 70
which-uw-f- verify believe we have
been diyineiy appointed. We Will first
HAten to report from that famous
surgeon TO the best families. DR..
Carextensions.
CAS- DIR. Carextenslous arises TO re-
port. Chairman r. whiting Eddy sinks
backs in chair and turns pale. DIR. G.
rushes 10 his side and examines his
heart. Hears peculiar ticking)
Dr. Carextensions-Very serious. BY
goily. I'll be Obliged to oberate. (Gets
out Instruments
". Whirling Eddy-Hold on, Doctah.
what's this going TO cost?
Dr. Carextensions-Onet ousand dol
y. whiriing Eddy-That's excessive,
a he a af na "a 81
YOU only charged i've hundred.
DE. Carextensions-Did 1 oberate up
on you alretty?
r.. whirIing Eddy--Sure. you did.
Dr. Carextensions-By goily, that
reminds me We're | left my watch.
r.. Whirifng Eddy-WeI you better
tell me tight now what the charge is
for the examinations
Dr. CONFERENCE.-The. tut, my poy,
you are not strong enough yet. (Pro-
ceeds with his reportD In der vurst
blaze. Mister Chairmans. der commit
tee Is solid against any furder oxten-
der choice crowd we now have: none
-e<BaeFs, -tssd- ahbly----IeEe.-Iin terrnga-
ton you. we're could we bick oud anod-
der zitizen qualified TO association init
dis glorious company OF experts
Zegondly. der committee would bestow
ubon Committeeman Sharley Dean a
double cross line before his new gom-
mercial center In consideration OF his
good vurk In biting municipal owner
shib In der solar plexus. We likewise
award George Barbour der free use OF
der private car "Outlandish" for der
rest OF his natural life. ven not en-
gagged I'm eiocutioning der committee
upon der evils of ledding der publig
butt into desc gomplikatydid matters
II in order, Mister Chairmans, der au-