The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1909-10-30

T den, ana the cause OF Ill my trlDuiatlOns was
Clarissa! When I add the statement that Clar-
issa is a woman and, too, my wife, the serious
ness of my situation will be apparent.
adore Clarissa. l loved her before marriage, as a
man may love an angel of loneliness and mystery, but
afterwards / loved her as a man may love only one
woman, and that his wife, with the intimate interde-
pcndence of mutual understanding, with the complete
joy of perfect sympathy. I do not think that any serious
difficulty in our domestic relations arose during all the
ten years of our welded life until the period of which
/ am about to speak. And in this case, it was hardly
the fault of Clarissa-it was certainly no wrong on my
part-it was simply the error of fate, expounded through
Clarissa's relatives.
Judging from the humorous papers and some expert
ences in the homes of friends, it is not of rare occur
renee that a man has trouble with his wifes relatives.
Were this any ordinary instance of mother -in-lawish
domestic episodes, I should not weary you with a re-
hearsal of my woes, but it is in a class apart. My wife's
family is throughout one to admire, its members are
my friends rather than relatives-in-law they like me
and I like them. But I speak of the living. Toward
Clarissa's illustrious forebears I cherish a feeling of
deep animosity, and it is justified. The dead but unfor-
gotten sires of Clarissas race caused me deep mental
anguish, and only Providence, working through the
friendly offices of Governor Norton, and the uncon-
scious diversions afforded by Kato, wrought my release
from torment.
For years Clarissa and I remained in delightful ignor-
ance of the unfortunate glories of her ancestry. But
the evil counsels of Mrs. Tagglety unveiled the facts
and caused disaster. For Mrs. Tagglety is one Of the
pervasive women. She has many friends, who do not
know her. Those who know her are her enemies. I
always knew her, and I always regarded her with GENT
inc disfavor, that grew into acute dislike and ultimate
adherence when Clarissa, who knew her not, became
her friend.
Mrs. Tagglety belongs to a very large number of
clubs and patriotic organizations; for that matter, she
would belong to as many more but for the fact that
through her atrocious methods she causes the dissolu-
ton of most of those to which she becomes attached.
And, being persuasive, she is always seeking, and gain
ing, recruits. 1t was thus that she came to C1arissa.
"You must be a Daughter" she announced to my
unsuspecting wife. And then she went on to point out
to Clarissa that it was the duty of every patriotic Amer
lean woman to produce her family skeletons in the
genealogical court and assert her devotion to her coun-
try's good by proclaiming a pedigree of Colonial i'm
portance.
But I don't know about my ancestors" C1arissa
ventured, timidly.
"Then it's time you did" Mrs. Tagglety asserted,
rudely; and added, with that platitudinous irrelevance
that often characterized her remarks: Time is passing
every day."
Unable to refute this forceful declaration, Clarissa
meekly yielded.
When Clarissa ;nnocently Informed me that she had
decided to become a " Daughter" l neither shrieked nor
tainted. Little I knew of the hideous import i'll the
words. When she mentioned the fact that Mrs. Tag
glety was responsible for this course of action, I ex-
perienced no more than the feeling of antipathy which
the naming of Mrs. Tagglety usually caused. And, in
deed, events at the first gave me no ground for uneasi-
ness. CIarissa entered on the undertaking without
enthusiasm and without undergoing any immediate
moral perversion. She made a few perfunctory excur-
sions to the local library. and discovered some quite
innocuous ancestors that seemed to suffice for the ext
gencies of membership in the Daughters"
Then came the fatal day. On my reaching home an
hour before dinner time, I found Clarissa i'll a state of
high excitement. She had been on the lookout for me,
and opened the door herself.
"Oh Arthur" she cried at once, her eyes shining and
her cheeks flushed, Uncle James was a lieutenant"
"Eh, WHAT" I stamnered. stupidity.
Eyes, dear. a real lieutenant! Now. what do you
think of that
I paused to rid myself of my hat and stick before
replying, in the hope that my wits might clear sufh-
GENTLY to fit the occasion. But l was quite unable to
understand either Clarissas enthusiasm or her words.
So l was driven to brutal directness,
"Who is Uncle James," I asked gently. I'm afraid
that. just for the moment. of course, I can't exactly
place him, you know. Oh. isn't he the one-the brother
of Uncle Fred-that died when he was a baby-convul-
sions, wasn't it? 1 never knew his name. Was he
Uncle -"
The expression on C1arissa's face babe me pause,
-h:>h 7 L. ,~1 49,, -. 49, .,,o,.1 - -:1o>a &l.4