The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

But of life's sweetness what a waste There Is when women kiss each otherl
 Kisses are of many styles and come in patterns as endless as Oriental rugs.
 There is the kiss that sootheth, the kiss that thrilleth. the kiss that flat tereth. and the kiss that Is a habit.
 Yea, verily, the latter Is the kiss of the conservative husband and let us consider it, for I know a little story that may be related:
 It concerns one particular husband whose friends know of how particular he is and how much stress he lays upon his farewell kiss to his wife Indeed, he is as perfunctory after 16 years of married life, to perform this little office. as he is to pick up his gloves or his hat, or his umbrella on a rainy day. or the shaving of his chin each morning.
 Three times does he imprint the morn ing kiss as the proper number, according to his idea. and nothing fin heaven above or the earth beneath nor the waters un- der the earth could stop him in his mad career.
 A short time ago one clustering morn ing the aforesaid ''kisser'' had arrived fully three blocks from home, en route to his place of business, when lol and he- holdi he remembered that he had for gotten something Paradoxical, # sounds but true, nevertheless.
 What was 1t?
 He looked for his handkerchief and To! 1t was there, nicely folded and ready for use.
 His gloves7
 Safely in his pocket, even though he had not cared to wear them.
 His hat?
 There it was reposing upon his head as he grabbed frantically for 1t.
 s'It must have been those kisses" he unused to himself and forwith and i'm mediately turned back home to remedy the duty he had neglected.
 The family still sat at table, break fast not being finished. and his wife look ing up said, in surprised tone:
 Forgotten something John?"
 q believe 1t was those kisses" he re- piled. Do you remember whether ' have kissed you this morning or not7"
 Let me see," unused the wife in a far away tone of voice. T believe you did. In fact I know you did. It was when was trying up the baby's sore toe. Noi moi 1t wasn't I remember nowi It was when I was telling the iceman how many pounds to put in the refrigerator. But" she shyly said. it won't hurt to have them over agx1N, since you were so sweet as to come all the way bacl1'
 Certainly not" said the dutiful hus- hand, and kissed his wife three times over again, and then remembered that after all 1t was his overshoes he had forgot ten.
 But the kisses that my correspondents inquire about are not all the married vari- ety, or those that can be mixed up with overshoes, or Johnnys sore toe. or the iceman.
 In fact the kisses referred to are evi- dently those that have fallen into dis repute with the paragraphers and may DO classed as platonic, plutonic and the good old-fashoned variety that seals the heart and hand of many sweet, blush ing maiden for better or worse on the rocky road of life.
 After consulting the best authorities on osculation find that they agree that no gentleman should ever ask a lady for kiss, but declare that he he should seize her gently, but firmly around the waist and implant a chaste salute upon her rosebud lips-presumably before the lady can resist.
 The authorities stop here, giving no further advice as to what must be done provided the "kiss-ee'' screams or faints or throws it, as 1t Is obviously un- derstood that the 'kiss-ee," being per feet lady, would never so far forget her early training as to behave in an un- seenly manner when so attacked.
 
 frequently about the man "who kisses and tells" which recalls Kipling's advice along those lines, when he says:
 They are fools who kiss and ten.
 Wisely has the poet sung, A man may hold any old post
 If he'll only hold his tongue"
 The man who is guilty of this unsen- tlernanly conduct Is placed alike by those whom he tells and those whom he has kissed in a category little beneath the fallen angels.
 He Is dubbed a coward, villain. and no gentleman by all his hearers who. by the way. have listened attentiveiy to his tale before they begin to berate him. which is only human nature, and not at all remarkable.
 '"The barren memory of unkissed kisses and the songs that never were sung," seems a rather negative subject along this discussion but 1t has it's virtues. It seldom leads to regret. or remorse, or agitation, or broken engagements, or suits for breach of promise. or divorce.
 This is no phrase of mine, but sounds uncommonly like our friend Ella Wheeler Wilcox.
 At any rate. it is the only safe caress, anu OH6 WHICH l ncdTllly recommend 70 all my correspondents.
 It Is much better to be remember ed as the one woman a man would liked to have kissed than to be- forgotten among the many he has caressed. A negative line Of conduct probably , does nor appear attractive on this partic- ular subject. but 1t often turns out to be a positive virtue, for while, as one ! of my correspondents recently wrote me, J that shs feared she had offended gen l tleman friend Of hers by not kissing him ] good night. j can safely say to the young woman thft she hasn't: for he will con- l unus his visit. probably more freouent- i ly than ever. in order to ascertain 1 whether she has changed her mind ar l to the proper mode of bidding him good 1 night. for men are not without curiosity. i and besides, they never lose interest in a woman until they are sure their con 1 quest is complete.
 1 Then. too, if thou hast scorned his ] kisses, he will exclaim: To! She must be very proper" thinking, man like, that a woman has no other excuse for her at l titude, since he can ascribe no other reas- on to her for not wanting to kiss him. l But all this has little to do with what I l meant to say when I started out, which ! rcouireg very little space to express and 1s unite identical with the advfoa xb, i,