Philip weekly review. [volume] (Philip, Stanley County, S.D.) 1907-1912, 1909-06-22
ECCENTRIC MISSOURI RIVER

ECEUIme MISSOURI MEF
Some OF tho Characteristics of Thu,
Famous Stream Described BY
Personal Acquaintance.
There are plenty Of great rivers
in the world. Any schoolchilc
will name them for you; they each
hsve their peculiarities; poems anc
songs have been written about
many of them; they vary greatly
in size, temper and wetness-but
of them oil the most remarkable il
the Missouri, . river that rise,
early, away up in the Rocky noun.
tains Of Montans, tumbles out o1
its bed frequently on its way down,
takes . side-step when you least
expect it, plays hide and seel
with the landscape, dabbles in real
estate I'll the way along, goes into
politics whenever it gets q chance,
picks up state lines and makes of
with them, rearranees the geogra-
ply of tho country, and behaves
all the time with thS caprice Of q
woman. Such is the Missouri
river to those who know it best.
At last accounts the Missouri
was still located in the United
States, but it was trying to cross
over into Canada and empty itself
into Hudson's Bay. The geogra-
phies state that the Missouri emp
ties into the Mississippi; this shows
how little respect for truth the
geographers have; they mean we'll,
but they have never seen the Mis-
souri, river at the place where it
''empties into'' the Mississippi.
Why, the Missouri river has trav-
eled almost 5000 niles before it
''smpties into" the so.called Faith
er of Waters" and It is navigable
for $500 miles above that point
The Missouri and the Mississippi
We have all heard the story Of
the way Pat caught . Tartar y
Pat was in battle with the Turks
and shouted that he had caught q
Tartar" His comrades cried out,
Bring him along" Il can't"
said Pat. Then come along
without him. responded his
friends. 'Begorrah, I wish ]
could, but he won't let me,'' was
Pats wall. The Missouri river
empties into tho Mississippi abou,
the way Pat caught q Tartar.
The Mississippi is . lsdyliks,
placid stream that elides along
gracefully without going out OF
its way or doing anything to make
people talk; but after it meets the
Missouri it simply passes out Of
existence. Where it goes to, nc
one knows, but it is absurd to say
that the Missouri-that great,
tawny, clustering flood, with 5000
miles of past" to its credit, OF
discredit, 'empties into" it. The
Mississippi is q beautiful, clear
stream, whereas the Missouri is 9
color of boarding-house coffee,
only more so; below where these
two come together tho water il
still muddy and continues 20 tc
the Gulf of Mexico, which pr ves
oonclusively that it is the Mississ.
ippi that runs into the Missouri
and not the other way, as the
books oil say.
A River That 10 Nevsr Satisfied
The Missouri is the most dis.
contented river in the world; it il
harder to please in the matter oi
beds than a travelling man. Otter
it will get up and leave its bed ir
the night and 60 and settle dowr
in q new place e-generally selecting
some farmers' best field for thu
purpose. You may live on tht
banks of the Missouri and tonigh,
retire 10 rest, thinking how con
venient it is, thus to be situated
on . large nsvigable river-anc
then when you get up in the morn
ing and 60 down to the river for Z
pail of water to chop up for break
fast you find it isn't there; it ha.
vamoosed between sundown anc