davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

have photograph of himself wearing
the gold medal presented by the So,
ciety for the Prevention of Pain to
Those Who Sit on a Bee.
Along about the 9Th of August
Uncle Ashdod opened the hermetical-
ly sealed incubator in which he had
deposited the eggs of the bisquitO. as
he called the new insect He had pre-
pared the eggs carefully. cutting each
egg in two and then gluing the rear
end of a mosquito egg to the fore-end
of a bee egg. He did this with sew
eral thousand eggs. and then put them
to hatch in a butter tub in his attic.
1t was his first attempt at egg graft
ing, and he hardly hoped that more
than one or two of the eggs would
hatch. but the results far exceeded his
expectations.
The 9Th of August was . warm day
and Uncle Ashdod was but lightly clad
when he entered his attic. When he
took the lid OF the butter tub he ut
tered an exclamation of surprise, for
it seemed that every egg had Matched
The butter tub was full Of bisQuitos
of the strongest quality. They we're
full of vitality and they seemed to
recognize that Uncle Ashdod was q
sort Of step-father to them. and sew
eral Immediately arose and kissed him
in the face and he uttered several ex
CARNATIONS of surprise in hasty
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
HN7 BUSY 0QYh

NJ ASHINGTON.-Sir John Courts.
W Bart. X. C. NJ. G.. X. O. c., C. B..
who. as plain James C. Courts serves
the United States government In the
responsible position Of clerk Of the
House committee ON appropriations.
has his troubles Just like other folks.
People are all the time Fostering him
to death to know IL 1t was his grand
father or his great-grandfather or his
great-great-grandfath who used to
own about 10000 acres in Maryland
and who presided over the feudal glo-
ries Of Clean Drinking Manor. And
every time he gets through with one
Of these historic bugs and settles
down to work q delegation Of home
folks from Tennessee drops in on him
and demands to know why he accept
ed from the Emperor Of Korea-be-
fore that eminent parsonage was sat
upon by the Japanese-the military
order Of the Setting Moon. third class
and wears the undress button that
goes with It all the time.
But even these annoying things pale
into insignincance beside an incident
that happened just the other day. Mr..
Courts has his nose in a chaotic appro-
priation bill and was debating to four
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

FIFTEEN years ago Francis ]. XIII
i kenny arrived in this country from
Ireland. He was SO green that he
mistook a Fourth Of July celebration
as a reception te himself. Young Kill
kenny had relatives and friends in
Milwaukee and Chicago and he made
for the middle west soon after his
landing. He had a fund of native wit
and an abundance of energy and
pluck. He got job cutting grass and
soon came under the notice of Charles
G. Dawes. When Mr.. Dawes came to
Washington as controller Of the cur
rency he brought Kilkenny along as
his private secretary. When Dawes
retired from the controllership his
successor found he couldn't get along
without Kilkenny. Mr.. Ridgely was
succeeded as controller by Lawrence
o. Murray and that official has re-
tanned Kilkenny who has now be-
come one of the institutions of the
treasury department.
Young Kilkenny is making remark
able Roadway with a movement for
the "home-going' of Irishmen in 1910.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

AR. WILLIAM C. WOODWARD,
" health officer of the District Of
Columbia, is in favor of abolishing the
only form of athletics INDUCED In by
members and graduates Of the Chau-
tauqua literature and reading circle
He says that the Chautauqua salute is
a menace to health.
The salute, as all Chautauquans
know, Is q waving of the handkerchief
when friends make a hit on the lee
ture platform or sail away for distant
lands. Everybody waves and every
body Is happy provided that one does
not overtax his or her energy.
The custom Of waving q handkez-
chief vigorously In the air." says Dr..
woodward, ''is dangerous. Nearly ev-
cry contagious disease can be COM
inundated In this manner. II the hand
kerchief 70 slightly soiled. II the lin
en- square has Just been purchased. or
has come straight from the laundry.
there IL not the slightest danger. but
the waving Of . handkerchief that has
been used even once n harmful.
when q handkerchief 70 waved the
wind blows the germs from II. IT,.
phold fever. scarlet fever. tubercnlos.
q, smallpox and ehickenpox. measles.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

ZEN. Luke E. Wright, told at din
u ner In Washington a war story
from Manila.
There was once upon a time," he
began. "a gallant old general. This
general, leading a splendid charge in
his youth, got bullet in his chest and
two sabre cuts across the head. In
after life, relating over the nuts and
wine his many battles, it was this
particular charge that he always de-
cribed most flambOyantly.
THE older the general grew the
more splendid the charge became; the
more awful was the slaughter that
he visited upon the enemy; the more
horrible were the wounds that he re-
ceived. For corroboration he would
always turn to grizzled veteran on
his left, his aide-de-camp. The aide
de-camp would nod his gray head in
acquiescence silently.
Taller and taller grew the gen.
erals stories of the charge. Higher
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
House Clerk About Ancestors

adding machines all ut once when .
straight-backed. straight-nosed.' white
mustached. white-haired and extreme
" dignified old gentleman marched in
to the committee room. He was look
ing for his member and a. the mem
Der wasn't on hand. had turned around
to 90 out again. when he caught sight
of Mr. Courts.
There was q moment OF tenseness
and of pause-a hiatus in other words.
And then the old gentleman advanced
and cast himself-a perfertly dignided
cast-on Mr. Courts bosom. clutched
Mr.. Courts hand. patted Mr.. Courts
shoulder and gazed into Mr.. Courts
eyes. And as q dozen or 80 members
of the appropriations committee gath
cred around the old gentleman ex-
ploded his bomb.
Captain" he said to Mr.. Courts.
Il am noah than happy to meet you
again. l consider this the happiest
day of my life. my dear comrade In
arms. Well I remember the days
when. side BY side. knee to knee. Ne
followed the fortunes Of that flower Of
chivalry. that most dashing Of cav.
airy leaders, our idoli1ed chieftain.
Gen. ]. E. b. Stuart"
OF course II WAS . case Of mistaken
identity. Sir John says % himself
But nevertheless It was embarrassing.
And he's going to ask for . couple Of
more assistants. for, with this Clean
Drinking Manor story and the Settins
Moon button and the Confederate cav
airy yarn. he's just fairly pestered t.
death and hasn't time to do his reg
ular work.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Plans Homegoing of lrishmen in 1910

The plan Is to induce the Irish people
from all over the United States to re-
turn to their native land during the
months of July. August and Septem-
Der. 1t is proposed that the various
Irish organizations. notably the A. o.
H., and the Gaelic league shall take
up the movement and carry It
through. Kilkenny does not claim
personal originality for the idea but
he gave it initial impetus and has Ia
ken upon himself the burden of inter
esting Irish societies in the plan.
More than q sentimental purpose
animates those who have undertaken
this ambitious task. While the pros
pect of a visit to the old country. at
reduced transportation rates, and In
the glory of midsummer, will form .
leading incentive, the real purpose Of
the movement Is to stimulate Irish
industry. Kilkenny has made several
visits to his old home In Ireland and
each time has been impressed with
the Industrial possibilities of the coun-
try and the apparent hopelessness of
conditions without organ
lied effort. He takes the position that
the industrial and agricultural re-
sources of Ireland have not been do
veloped to one-tenth of their capac-
ity. Capital is needed to develop
them and Kilkenny believes that 1t
will be forthcoming If the Irish people
in this country are given an opportun-
ity to see with their own eyes that
profitable investments can be made.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
HABITS CHAIN
Certain Habits Uneonseiousiy Formed
and Hard to Break.

An ingenious philosopher estimates
that the amount of will power neces-
sary to break a lifelong habit would.
II It could be transformed. lift weight
Of many tons.
It sometimes requires a higher de-
gree Of heroism to break the chains Of
a pernicious habit than to lead a for
lorn hope in a bloody battle. A lady
writes from an Indiana town:
From my earliest childhood I was .
lover Of coffee. Before I was out Of my
teens I was a miserable dyspeptic, suf.
fering terribly at times with my stom-
ach.
Il was convinced that IT was coffee
that was causing the trouble and yet
I could not deny myself q cup for
breakfast. At the age of Sc I was I'm
very poor health, indeed. My sister
told me was in danger of becoming
q coffee drunkard.
But never could give up drinking
coffee for breakfast, although It kent
me constantly iii. until I tried Postum.
I learned to make It properly according
to directions. and now We can hardly
do without Postum for breakfast, and
care nothing for coffee.
II am no longer troubled with dr.
pepsfa. do not have spells Of suffering
with my stomach that used to trouble
me % when I drank Coffee
Look in pkgs. for the little book, The
Road to Wellville." There's q Reason"
Ever reed The above letter. A ~
&c aDpeago fFo0 t1De - tire. TA1y
are Reeoines tE1os M I'm q humaD
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

it angered the bee and the mosquito.
and at the same moment that the
mosquito angrily bit him on the right
ear the bee arose in its might and
swatted its singer into his left ear
up to the handle.
1t was Immediately after that-with.
in one-tenth of a second-that Uncle
Ashdod saw where great improve
ment could be made in bees and mos
quitOs He says his ear began to
swell Immediately, but that before 1t
had swelled enough to notice he had
decided that the rear end of q bee
could be greatly modified for the bet
ter He also says that few men could
think of two things at the same time.
but that at the same moment that he
thought of improving the bee he real
lied that the front end of a mosquito
would be more popular with humanity
if the singer wasn't on it.
So, as soon as he got home, he set
to work thinking how to improve the
bee and the mosquito. and the more
he thought about it the surer he be-
came that life was too short for one
man to improve both separately and
that tine right thing to do would be to
mix the breeds of bees and mos
Quitos. He said that the only OBJ
jectionable part of the bee was its
after-deck and rudder, SO to speak.
and that the mean part of the mos
quito was its fore-deck and bowsprit,
and what the world had been longing
for these many centuries was COM
bination of the fore-end of the bee and
the rear-end of the mosquito, thus
forming one sweet and useful insect
About that time a bald-headed man
from Chicago came to Betzville to get
material for History of the Promi-
nent Citizens of Ringtail County,"
the cost of the book being only ten
dollars, including the insertion of
handmade biography of the purchaser
as one of the most prominent of all.
and $25 additional for q steel engrav-
ing with a firm but gentle look. He
strongly urged Uncle Ashdod to fall
for it, saying that Uncle Ashdod had
a bunch of the most biographical look
ing whiskers in all Ringtail county,
and that now was the time to be steel
engraved. before the price of steel
went up. But Uncle Ashdod babe him
wait. He told the man from CHICAGO
that he would gladly uplift Amer
lean literature BY contributing his face
and biography. but that he would not
be ready untn about potato digging
time. The fact was that Uncle Ash
dod did not want his biography until
he could run into Il the facts about
the creation Of the sting1eas bee and
the biteless mosquito. and he hoped.
By the time pumpkins were ripe, to
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

manner, and then he put his hand on
the back of his neck and yelped like a
painful dog. The experiment had
been a great success. and one end of
each mosquito was annexed to one
end of each bee. but Uncle Ashdod
had got the wrong ends of them. Each
bisquito had bees singer on its
nose and mosquitoes bitter on its tail,
and they were ambidextrOus, as one
might say. They worked something
like a see-saw. A bisquito could bal.
ance on its legs on a tender spot, and
then see-saw up and down, and at
each teeter the singer on one end
would do its dire work. by the time
Uncle Ashdod reached the attic door
the whole production of his bisuuito
factory was showing him how it was
done.
Uncle Ashdod was seen passing
through Main street at about 800
o'clock accompanied by all the bis.
QuitOs known to be in existence, and
he was on the jump, and at every
jump he let forth a yell, but at the
speed at which he was travelling the
reporter of the Betzville News could
not tell whether it was a yell of tri.
umph or a mere expression of annoy
ance. 1t was later learned that he
had no thought at the time of ek-
pressing his triumph, but was simply
hiking for the swimming hole in the
creek.
Three days later the biographer
from Chicago found him there with
only his nose above water while sew
eral hundred bisquitos sat patiently
on a log near by. Occasionally a bis
quito would fly toward Uncle Ashdod.
who would then duck and swallow a
quart of creek water. The gentleman
from Chicago mentioned the subject
Of the biographical history to Uncle
Ashdod at the time, but he did not
wait for an answer. It seems that a
bisquito answered him first. He ran
all the way back to Betzville. and the
history was forced to 60 to press
without even q mention of Uncle
Ashdod:
By the time We have a heavy frost
Uncle Ashdod's friends hope the bis.
Quitos viii be in a comatose condition
and Uncle Ashdod can come out OF
the creek
Copyright 1s~. BY ". q. Chapman,
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Chautauqua Salute, Menace to Health

leprosy and diphtheria may be thus
spread"
The Chautauqua saluters criticised
the health officers remarks.
DIR. Woodward does not know what
he is talking about" said young wo-
man. I'VE never carry s0iled hand.
kerchiefs"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Taking the Tips.

Taxing the TIPS.
why did D0llarby sell his hotel?'
HE wasn't making money fast
enough"
What is he Going now"
"He's luxuriating in the position OF
head waiter"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
The Idea!

The wife of q western man of ex-
tremely humble origin, whose fortune
had been accumulated within the last
few years, recently confided to q
friend her intention to enlist the serv-
ices of a new family physician.
The friend expressed surprise In
view of the fact that the physician
then attending the family was gen.
orally reputed to be the best in the
city.
''Oh, know all that" exclaimed the
first mentioned woman. But the idea
of his prescribing flaxseed tea and
mustard plasters for people as rich as
we are!"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Stated In Cold Figures.


It costs on an average about $3.50
to cure an incipient consumptive or
to care for an advanced case of tuber-
culosis until death. II he is left In des-
titute circumstances without proper
attention he will surely infect with
his disease at least two other persons.
and possibly more. Considering that
the average life Is worth to society
in dollars and cents about $500. the
act loss which would accrue to COM
munity by not treating It's poor con-
sumptives in proper institutions would
be, for each case. including those who
are unnecessarily infected, at the very
lowest figure. $4,250. On this basis. II
tie poor c0nsumptives in the United
States who are now sick were segre-
gated from their families, and either
kept in institutions until they died. or
else cured of their disease. the saw
ing to the country would be the enor-
nous sum of $1.275. 100000.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Method In Their Madness.

Method IN Their Madness.
why do SO many otherwise clever
women write silly letters to mem"
They're probably making collec-
ton of the answers they get"
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

y Tie world has littio use iue u
man who needs N ear trumpet a
Aear the can q Duty.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15
Teach 'eaby aaindlna!"

Instructions IN baby ninding~ an
given 20 the students q tie Londoa
garden schools. Babies are borrowed
Tor - purpose -,
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

There is no stock on the farm yield
Ing better returns In proportion to
the TODD consumed than hens.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

1t does not pay to plant crops in the
leach orchard. Some people do it but
we believe 1t is q bad practice.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

A firm In Ohio has Invented . new
kind Of ploW that win stir the soil to
. depth Of II or Is inches without
using any more power than u re-
Quired to run IN ordinary 16inch plov
nix or seven inches deep. This ffm
claims that they have . principle in
VOWED In the construction Of their
"tilling" machine. which makes Il poo,
sible to absolutely guarantee that this
en- b done. u such = The case
there ought to b . broad outlet Tor
this implement. because tnrnefU eon-
orally are, coming % beljeve that 4
pays, to stir the land % . GOD depth,
especially In the fall
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

Oat1 is q crop 1t pays to get in early,
and often one or two weeks time can
be saved by blowing in the fall. Where
corn is put in with lister it is not
necessary to harrow the ground in the
spring, as the lister will make the
soil fine around the seed. and as soon
az the corn is planted the cultivator
can be put to work and the ground
put in fine condition.
Save all the cabbages, whether
heads or not: hens dearly love to pick
at the leaves and heads. Cabbage il
Of value for supplying the missing
green stun. chiefly: but it tends to
keeping the poultry in good health.
Turnips are good as an appetizer. and
are we'll worth saving. They should
be chopped rather fine and fed raw,
or else cooked done. and mixed with
the mash. or with table scraps.
The young farmerforester should be
experienced in the art Of stimulatinR
the growth Of trees In natural groves
b. cultivation. When We come 70
think how hard the ground q In some
woods e r. really strange that trees
get enough moisture to- support them.
selves. The difference IN the amount
Of rainfall absorbed By level plowed
AolA and the hard baked hillside n
very great, and 4 3 wooderful how
IN oak o. hickory growing On . him.
side ever attains to great height ana
siZe.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

The farmer who turns OF a good
bunch of hogs each year can always
get credit at the bank if he wants it
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

The hands and teats should be kept
dry during milking. Moistening the
hands with milk Is condemned.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

Small plant pots dry out rapidly. A
good way is to place them in boxes of
moist sand. The pots should be sunk
to the rim.
The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-15

II the cows are fed crimson clover
hay the cost of the milk will be 70
duced.
The Ketchikan miner., 1909-03-06

Charles E. Ingersoll attorney for the Alaska Home Railroad came back on the Jefferson from Juneau last even- ing, and reports that the evidence against Hasey the Guggnhei,n deputy, who fired upon gang of the Home Rairoad woi kers, was all in and when he left on Monday it had gone to tine jury.
 This case is the outgrOwth Of shoot ing which occurred last September n ar Valdez in which one man was killed and another wounded. Hasey W as dismissed in the killing trial anu rearrested for shooting tie other man with intent to kill.
 Speaking of business conditions, Mr. ingergsoll said that k.tchikan showed evidence oi more activity than any of out northern ue'ghbWs
 Juneau Is pickirg up s9m etat un- der The increased work heinz done on ite Perseverance nulp, III k lehikan bids faif 10 outfout them all during the coming sranon.
The Ketchikan miner., 1909-03-06

Later-Weathe has turned to rag ing blizzard. Program unchanged. Intense suffering by marchers in par ade.
 Juneau, March 1.-The jury after twelve hours deliberation has found Ed C. Hasey guilty of assault with deadly weapon. The trial lasted twenty days and was bitterly fought. This is the result of the Keystone Canyon fracas which occurred last Sep tember.
 The prosecution was conducted by Atty. Ingersoll of Ketchikan and is complete vindication of the stand he took when leading the men into the canyon.
 Seattle, March 1.-The San Mateo has been chartered and will be put on the Nome run.
 Suit was begun today by Louis Krahinch against Clarence Cunning ham for ten thousand dollars for fail ure to unload the schooner Tuft which resulted in its wreck at ketella.
 Hong Kong, China, March A thousand lives were lost here today by the burning of boat in the flower boat fleet An overturned lamp caused the conflagration.
The Ketchikan miner., 1909-03-06
TELEGR A p H
Items of Interest From All Over the World. Told in Short
 Paragraphs

Buffalo. Feb as-Sehrabo defeated Dozando today in | Sheen mile race Time l.el.s.
 Seattle. Feb as.-The steamship Bertha sailed today taking George Bsl5~in. Captain Holt of the quarter masters department. znd R D. Gray 70 Kasslls-
 New Yorx. Feb sS--Hsves. winner os ths marasao1 race in England lsss rear. has challenged Do-sndo for $ race Ans5 has posted ons thousand dol lars sS forfeit money.
 Washington. Feo es--The senate ss reported tAForably Oo ihe resOla- tso1 from ahe wsr department for the investigation Of AlasSa rosds relative 10 she construction ot military and past roads
 Washington, Eeh. &-RepEesenia- tire Henry Of Colusesicui is striving io gel bill passed prohibiting trading in fasaFes. Attorney Lsasol. repre- ssuiiug sha farmers association. tells tas committee thai dealers j1 cotton futures arg vicious gam and =Ora z1 injustice 10 ihs cosEo1 g-O~er-
The Ketchikan miner., 1909-03-06

Congre .sman Mnrli- "f Iazt- has pad the foIlo@ipg benutiiul |. ihu'e to Mutherbood
 Mother ;;'he vety w'rd balinvs iips that utter II. The wpeIi has mt yet grasped it's debl 10 lnf ip" hers ol man. kind The mother iS fe IuSer and h JIG of history. futni hp, l, roiii flow the inpuis, that laNl,iur a'N nuncn,s and alter civilizations. With ehislpr and eItt-s tbe Ut21Atz < parliament. tetoiul iors. "t'tchs s:pe !. ir central figure of all bn,uan sacrifice. Life Is ibe flower Ui h"r agony, tbc truitage Is her pain. lluipapity is crallod in her tears, That men mny be. sbe fronts the grave. yea. at each birth crdures living ctuc.iiSiou.