Evening star., 1909-04-25
ONE WHO KNOCKS
AND0NE WH0B00STS
Optimists and Pessimists at
Ball Games Tanned by
Cullen.
By Clarence L. Cullen.

Written Exclusively for The Star.
Sometimes, being given somewhat to the
weening habit, I sort O. ween that, as
between the Optimist and the Pessimist
at the ball game, there isn't much OF a
choice.
It's a standoff and a whipsaw.
You know both Of EN- At nearly every
ball game that you attend you're afflicted
by either one or the other OF 'em.
Nice people and all that, Of course.
but
Well. let's take a look first at the Pes
simist at the ball game.
He's the fellow who can't ever see how
it's going to be done. Nope, can't see 1t
at all. He wants the diagrams. blue
prints, cross sections, working models.
exhibits A to z, afadavits and evidence
in rebuttal. He's from Joplin-of-the-
Zinc-Lode, which the same is in Mis-
souri,, and he has to be shown II 1t takes
every film in the moving picture ma
chine.
First. he's gloomy about the game in
general.
The team he's plugging for has made
six runs in the first inning, and to every
body it looks, oh, pooty soft. pooty soft,
everybody but the Pessimist. But he
can't see the why and the wherefore for
all this JOY and ecstasy and stuff.
law, nix" says the Pessinist. gloom
lily, when all hands else are tearing holes
in the empyrean. whatever that Is, with
that thing. The games young yet.
What's six runs? Those other ginks
can make six runs without taking q long
breath once they get their wicks on the
pill and begin to mooch around on the
gear The wa amt TIN aSa just haPSy
gum
He's dismal about points Of play all the
time, too. Our team, say, has got three
glugs on the sacks, and the fellow walk
ing up to the pannikin and splitting on
his hands Is the best fence-whanger we've
got on the job.
Wheel everybody roars. ''Yip-ee for
the big young cleanup! Wow! and
all like that for about three moro soft
little tallies! Oh! yee-ow" and a lot Of
that kind.
Not Very Joyful.
Does the Pessimist at the game share
in their joy?
Not one share. Not even a fractional
portion Of q share.
These CLEANS around here, you in
drearily. What are you all hollerin'
your crazy heads or for? What kind
Of license have you got to s'pose that
we're going to get anything now merely
because we've got three ginks on the
bags and that big lummox up at the pan?
He'll Whiff.e See IL he don't. Whit, or
sock some feeble little thing into double
play comedy. Oh. l know all that thing
about his pinch-h hitting work and all
that, but this isn't the time he's going
to pull it. This IS the time that he's
going to nudge back to the barrel and
1t to me. l know. And it beats me why
all Of you bughouse moquis are bellerin'
your conks OF just because you think
we're going to get something. when that
kind O. thinking costs only about nickel
a gross"
Same all up and down the line, as to
the points Of play, with the Pessimist.
The best little speed man we've got has
been signaled to try the big young 60
down from first to second. and he takes
the ginj and pep into his movements and
gives off all kinds of Indications and
symptoms and things that he's going to
get away with the hop-down to the No.
2 sack, especially as the catcher the
other fellows are working today is a
who isn't yet hep to the real
fast moves OF the clipperinos In major
company.
And SO we all emit the chest tones
about how we're going to see our little
grab that No. 2 bag.
Doesn't the Pessimist seated at our right
or left fall for that wistful hope?
Nix the wist.
They'll get him . mile" he says.
hoarseiy and sadly. Get him from here
to Salt Lake City and back. I can tell
by the way he's fizgagging around down
there II the pitcher don't snag him OF
irst they'll get him a furlong, standing
up, at second. Don't tell me that that
new catcher OF the other fellows can't
heave 'em down second like a flash OF
No. lightning. for know different. And
bag. He couldn't steal q nickel out Of a
blind mans tin cup"
The other fellows. at a pinch juncture,
stick up q batsman who has tho pick
oosening young reputation, and that
with the bags all loaded. pro-
ceeds to wallop a ny way out deep into
one OF the gardens. The gardener down
that way has to do little hustling for
the fiy but it's obvious to everybody else
except the Pessimist that he's going to
pull 1t down.
Always an Accident.
He'll never get under that baby as
ong as he's as shigh as a bees knee"
says the Pessimist. Hasn't q chance
On earth to grab 1t. He'll miss II by an
Tar as from here to Anacostia. Look at
him-he's only snailing along. Huh!
The big lump o. grease! The idea o.
having Zeb like that frivoling around Q