davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19
GOOd
Short Stories



One day number of colleagues were
discussing the subject of speculation,
when one OF them said to an investor
who had some disastrous remem-
brances "Old chap, as an expert, give
us definition of the term, 'bonallza. "
"A bonanza" replied the experienced
man, with emphasis, "ls a hole In the
ground owned by champion liar"
A little chap in Philadelphia, whose
father is prominent merchant, and,
as such, never loses an opportunity to
descant upon the virtues of advertising,
one day asked his mother: May Lucy
and play Mt keeping store in the front
room?' "Yes," assented the mother /;
"but you must be very, very quiet"
"All right" sald the youngster; well
pretend we don't advertise"
Champion Hayes of Marathon fame
praised, at dinner In New York, a
walker. "He walker?" some one said.
EYES, said Mr.. Hayes, "and the next
race he enters, mark me, he Will win."
"Why, l didn't know he had had any
experience as walker" said the other,
in puzzled voice Mr., Hayes laughed.
mo experience as a walker, chr said
he. "And the fellows owned an $50
secondhand motor car for the last two
yearsw
Michael MaeDonagh, In Irish Life
and Character" tells OF prisoner, re-
factory and obstinate, who fatty re-
fused to work In the treadmill, The
man was brought before the governor
OF the prison for dsobedlence. The
governor asked him what reason he
could give for not following out his or
ders. "Me go on the treadmill" ex-
claimed the prisoner, drawing himself
up to his full height of offended dig
nifty. "Never, sir I'd rather leave the
Jail first u
1t is DIR, Isaac Barrow that the story
Is told Of a playful match at mock
courtesy with the Earl of Rochester.
who, meeting DIR, Barrow near the
kings chamber, bowed low, saying, Al
am yours, doctor, to the knee-strlngs," "
Barrow Glowing lowl ~ am yours,
my lord, to the shoe tie" Rochester
"Yours, doctor, down to the ground.
Barrow: yours, my lord, TO the center
of the EARTH" Rochester (not to he
outdone) "Yours, doctor, to the lowest
pit of hell" Barrow: There, my lord,
l must leave you"
A very matter-of-fact person called
to see u neighbor, an elderly woman,
who had been ailing for some time.
"And how do you find yourself to-day,
JanetT was the greeting. "Ah, Mar.
tha. I'm very bad. This cold. damp
weatherll be the end OF me. III be
dead woman before very long"
"Hoots, toots. woman. You've been
saying that any time these last twenty
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

Of Virginia, great things are going on.
Charles II. Coehalls, an American en-
glneer who was assistant to Capt. Eads
when the latter opened the mouth of
the Mississippi and made New Orleans
a great shipping port by deepening the
channel tn the river, is at work there
on similar project that is to cost
$40000,000.
"He is to deepen the channel into a
lagoon so that the largest ships can
enter. 1t is this province that Germany
has been casting coyetous eyes on for
years. In the interior Americans are
building a number Of railroads. One is
at the head of the Amazon, running
around the falls up there and cutting
across forests, In which white men have
never been seen before, to the richest
gold fields In the world Americans are
also building new street car lines in
Rio Janeiro.
Word has reached Buenos Ayres
that numbers of fine race horses are to
be shipped from here there because of
the new repressive laws in the United
States One of the men who has been
making inquiries is Col. Milton Young
of Kentucky. Argentina certainly wants
these men and the horses and it would
not surprise me If the government Of
fered some financial indueement for
them to come there.
'The country is agricultural, growing
about everything that is cultivated in
the United States Large numbers Of
horses are also raised and racing is
one Of the national sports, The city is
the largest Spanish-speaking metropolis
in the world, the population being near
ly 100000 1t is a cosmopolitan and
commercial city, with all the hustle and
hustle that distinguishes the busy cities
Of the United States"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19
COLLEGE FARM MANAGERS.
OF No College Is So Much Demanded
as of the Agricultural College.

OF No College Is So Much Demanded
as of the Agricultural College.
Persons seem to expect more of grad
yates Of colleges Of agriculture than of
those Of other kinds Of colleges, writes
Prof L, II. Bailey in the Century.
They seem to expect that these men
Will be able at oIce to do all kinds of
farm work, tell just what the soil
needs" know what to do with animals
in health and disease, and in particular
to be able quickly to restore a rundown
farm to profltableness and to be will
Ing to do 1t ION shares" Persons do
not seem to realize the fact that agri-
culture Is name not for the occupa-
tion, but for a series Of many occupa-
tions, and every one of these occupa-
tions should require special training
The average college graduate Is not yet
a mature man; he may not have had
much practical experience with more
than one kind of farming, and Of course
this experience cannot be gained at col
lege; his judgment must be developed
and proved
The graduate Of a college of law
reads law for time before he enters
practice; the graduate In architecture
enters an architects Office; the gradu-
ate in medicine engages In hospital ser
vice; the graduate In mechanics enters
a shop to learn the business: yet 1t is
expected that the gradute in agriculture
will be able at once to assume full re-
sponsibiity for big business, and he
Is censured If he makes a mistake. The
trouble Is that there are yet no ade-
quate opportunities in this country for
the graduate in agriculture to learn
the business or to test himself, if he
needs such test as there are for other
students, Farmers do not take students
on such basis. Most farms do not
properly instruct the boys before send
Ing them to college Farm practice
should be learned at home, not at col
lege. The net result is that while
much is expected of the student in
agriculture, little opportunity Is afford
ed him In the way of any training that
fltly supplements his college course,
The agricultural colleges cannot do
their best work for the farms until the
farms come to their aid, or no college
is so much demanded as OF the agricul,
tural colleges, because they are called
on not only to educate young men and
women, but also to find the ways of
making profitable the occupation on
which they rest. They are not only
educational. but economic and social
agencies.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19
FACTS ABOUT POOR SICILY.

The largest island in the Mediterra-
mean Sea. A part Of the kingdom Of
Italy.
OF triangular shape, and has an area
of about 300 square miles.
Population was 2,927,901 in 1891, and
3,529,266 In 1901.
Traversed throughout its entire
length by chain of mountains.
Mt. Etna, near the eastern shore,
rises 10,750 feet.
On the north and east the coasts are
steep and well indented, affording sew
eral good harbors.
On the west and south the coasts are
fiat and unfavorable TO navigation.
The rivers are mostly short and
SWIFT. and generally dry up during the
suGme~.
There are many sulphur and other
mineral springs, which were famous
resorts in ancient times.
Temperature is moderate and seldom
falls below the freezing point.
Summers are almost rainless and the
Sirocco, wind from Africa, brings In
tolerable dry heat.
The interior is almost entirely de
forested
Principal source Of the worlds sup
ply of sulphur, which is the chief min
eral wealth.
Exports Of sulphur amount to eight
to ten million dollars year.
Rock salt and asphalt largely pro.
duced for export.
Once the "granary of Italy," and az
riculture is still the main industry
Methods primitive.
Extensive cultivation of the vine
almonds, olives, oranges, lemons, beans
and sumach.
Deep sea fisheries give employment
to more than 10000 persons.
Condition of large numbers of the
laboring classes. particularly in the sui
phur Industry, is deplorable.
Railway lines have total length OF
about 1000 miles.
Elementary schools inadequate, but
higher education is provided for In col.
leges at Palermo, Messina and Satania
Syracuse, now heap of ruins, was
in the time of Cicero pronounced By
him the most beautiful-of all cities.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19
Parents, Hairs and Heir..

1t is possible to predict from the hair
Of parents the form of their children's
hair Two blue eyed, straight haired
parents will have only blue eyed,
straight haired children. Two wavy
haired parents may have straight,
wavy or curly haired children, but the
chances of curly hair are slight. Two
curly haired parents may have chill
dren with either straight, wayy or
curly hair, but the proportion of curly
haired offspring will probably be large
American Naturalist.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

Criminal lawyers agree that the
greatest difficulty with woman wit
ness is that she is willing to tell more
than her lawyer wants her to, says a
writer in the Chicago Inter-Ocean.
Get woman off of the witness stand
as soon as you can. There seems to
be something In the makeup Of wom-
an that makes her want to tell more
than her lawyer wants her to-
'He must have had warm answer
some time" said lawyer, commenting
on 1t. "a woman Is naturally so quick
witted that no lawyer no matter how
shrewd and alert, can be sure of the
nature of the reply she will give In
answer to any particular question. l
recall when Abe HummeI was discom-
flied when attempting to impeach the
veracity Of woman witness, and he
asked her. Now, isn't it true that
some one has tried to get you to dlstort
your story Of the facts so that they
will appear to be favorable to the de
fendantT
Eyes said the woman.
"Ah,' replied Hummel, I thought
sol And who was itY
"'You,' said the woman. Hummel
lost that case.
ION another occasion an important
point In case turned on whether the
two parties involved had been three
or four feet apart at the time of the
occurrence In question. The woman in
sisted that 1t was exactly four feet,
and Hummel asked:
Now, how do you know that 1t was
Just four feetT
Because / knew some fool lawyer
was going to ask me that question:
said the woman trlumphantly.
eat one time had a loquacious col
ored woman under fire, and asked {:
And what was his reputation for YER
acityT
"'Well, sab, his reputashun for
v'rassity-well, some say yes and some
say no.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

oh, if we had only saved those
coupons our tobacconist gave us dur
ing the year, boarded up our soap
wrappers; kept our tea tickets; hung
onto our trading stamps, we might even
now be doing our Christmas shopping
with the aid of a premium list, and
who can tell what valuable pieces Of
cut glass, sllverware, furniture and
brie-a-brac we might have been able
to distribute on Dec. 25th? Already
we have seen an elegant Autographed
fish set that we could have had for
500 coupons. swell picture of a bunch
OF grapes, fit for any ones dining
room. for only seventy-tiye tea tickets
and our soap wrappers would have
purchased for, us a berry spoon that
would look as though it had been
bought in a real jewelry store. Verify.
we are thoughtless and short sight
eS cuss.-Detroit Free Press.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

"IIe tried to fiatter me. but I'm proud
to say he couldn't"
"No? You're greater fiatterer than
he is then, aren't your"
"How do you meanr
"You tiatter yourself that you can't
be fattered."-The Catholic Standard
and Times
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19
AMERICANS IN BRAZIL.

They Are Making Great Improve
meats In rio Gvanae DO sui.
William c, Dudley, of Brazil, Is at
he New Willard uhte!. and he brings
formation Of remsrkahle Industrial
'eve!opMent here under the leadership
American engineers aud busiI.ess
VII In Rlo 6raRde dc SAL said he,
va,eh IS one .. the richest states in
n, aGl which is n the temperate
!, ;1S climate being similar 20 that
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

of the quake
Sicily situated
Of
Caslacco
%
beautiful with its graceful Greek coonnad wonder
Telegratothe
Here be Chybdis of the familiar
foundation being ascrbed
The
Mius, Anaxia
Rheghium introduced Messenians
Anaxas republic maintained
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

Syracuse beginning rebuilt
finally expelled by Timoeon 343 B. @.
During Aahocs and Carthage Messna
first the
A 1861
fourishng
middle received privileges Charles of
greatly prosperity between
nayizz
1914 appealed the French occupied the but
abandoned defeated combined
liberties lost
the Garbad
a Of &
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

years, I've no patience with you. I'll
tell you what 1t Is. You want firmness
of mind. Fix a day for your dying
and stick to it."
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

She-And when he struck you on the
one cheek did you turn to him the
otherf
He-No; what was the use? 1t hurt
all over my face.-Y -Yonkers Statesman.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

We wish we could hear Of woman
whe, knowing the men, was satisfied
With them.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-03-19

After woman has talked about 50
long her husband is anxious to turn OF
the gas.
New-York tribune., 1909-09-04
THEORY OF DIR. KEELY.
Thinks Irctic M0nOtOny May Hare
Caused Mental Illusion.

Phuadepbia. Sept. "a theory that Dr. Cooks
reported discovery of the North Pole may be a
mental Illusion. superinduced by the monotony of
two years soiOurn in the polar regions. was ex-
pressed to-day by Dr. Robert NJ Keely of this city.
who accompanied Peary on his North Greenland
expedition of 1912, and thus became intimately
acquainted with DR.. Cook, who was a member of
the party
Those who have the immensely OF the
Arctic zone the jagged crumpled appearance Of
the frozen surface" said DR.. Keely. "can hardly
imagine what a dangerous and almost superhuman
accomplishment II is to penetrate those frigid
gions DR.. Cook bent reaching the pole.
His mind was occupied with only one thought.
Apart from any civilized being, he lived for months
From what l know of the Peary expedition and the
conditions the pole l only conclude that
DR.. Cook is making a sincere statement, but the
veracity Of it is question of mental illusion
II do not believe that it Is impossible to reach
the pole but it seems improbable that
accomplish the feat. As for the Esqumaus.
their testimony is vaueless. They haven't a
written language. They do not even know what
the North Pole
But there is one thing which VIII shed a great
deal OF light what must he a moot question
until confirmation from other source besides
DR.. Cook is received, and that is the log which
Peary will bring back. Peary and Cook with
IN two hundred miles Of each other, and it,
ported, DT. Cook made daily observations, a com
parison Of the conditions of the ice or weather
would mean a great deal for 1t is unreasonable
10 believe that climatic conditions there radi-
cally different within small a distance as one
hundred two hundred miles. If Peary reports
an unusual condition of the ice alone, it will part
ly confirm DR.. Cooks statement. for with nothing
short Of that could the pole have been reached
The ice drift has never been nOrthward, accord
ing to the reports of any of the explorers in any
expedition With the object of gaining headway
with the drift explorers have tried to freeze their
ships to the ice masses, but to avail Travelling
a hundred miles in seven days. as Dr. Cooks story
would indicate, seems impossible. I confidently be
lieve that DR.. Cook affected by the strain of
his journey and has to believe that he has
really reached the pole"
DR. Keely IS a member OF the Arctic Club Of New
York, and has written a book on the polar regions
He returned from Europe last week, where he wit
messed the avators' feats of the last year He is
greatly impressed with the future value the air
ship in determining the location of the North Pole
New-York tribune., 1909-09-04
TIRGINI4 POLITICS.
RembEcans Predict Democratic De-
feat IN old Dominion.
LFrnn Tn. Tribune Rureau.l

Washington Sept. 3.-With Representative Bas
com Slemp and r. c. CabeH, Commissioner of In
ternaI Revenue again working in harmony, Vir-
ginia Republicans jubilant and reterating
their confident predictions that this fall will the
first Democratic defeat in the Old Dominion. IN
til a few days there distinct lack OF
alignment the Republican ranks. One faction
was headed by Representative Slemp and the other
by Mr.. Cabell The followers OF each eyed the
other iealOusly in the fear that administration
pIums might not be evenly distributed. Postmaster
General Hitchcock has now brought the two lead
together and has promoted understanding
which insures a harmonious campaign.
Mr. Slemp has secured the promise of number
of important officials that they will participate In
the campaign. Secretary Nagel and Leslie NJ. Shaw
will be the principal speakers. but Assistant Attor-
ney General Wade Ellis has also consented TO make
some speeches Representatives Mckinley. of Cali
fornia; Gaines. OF West Virginia. and Fassett Of
New York. have promised to spend ten days each
in the state. Mr.. Slemp is extremely hopeful that
the Republicans will carry the state. He made a.
strong effort have the President speak in Rich
mond. but Mr.. Tafts Western trip will interfere.
New-York tribune., 1909-09-04
WELCOME IN DENM1Rk
Great Cro7cds to Greet the Amer
ican ErplOrer To-day.

Copenhagen, Sept. 3.-An Denmark is await
, ing the arrival of DIR. Frederick A. Cook. A
regal welcome is prepared for the man who
says he has discovered the North Pole,
2 The steamer Hans Egede. which the ex-
plorer is returning. is expected to enter the
Sound late tonight and tie up at her pier here
tomorrow morning.
Added interest aroused by the definite
statement of DR.. Cook. in the interview off
Skagen to-day in which he said that he was
able TO submit data which would prove beyond
cavil that he had attained the goal which for
centuries has been the objective of explorers
He said he prepared to learn that jealous
persons were at work endeavoring TO cast doubt
upon his work but that he stood ready to give
his figures for 4 test by any scientific au-
thority.
The Danes will not be alone in welcoming DR.
Cook, for Copenhagen Is filed with visitors
Every hotel is overcrowded tonight, and all the
vehicles in the city have been engaged to take
the people down TO the steamer landing to-mor
row A committee Of the Royal Geographical
Society has chartered the steamer NJ. @. Mel
chior, and will meet the Hans Egede, and
Maurice F. Egan. the American Minister, and
his daughter, Miss Carmel Egan, are sleeping
tonight on board w Gould Brokaw's yacht
Fedora, with the intention of accompanying the
steamer TO port
severed with flags and bunting At a dinner at
the Town Hall tomorrow night where DR.. Cook
will be the guest OF honor Lord Mayor Oden-
burg viii propose a toast to President Taft and
King Frederick, the Minister of Commerce will
make speech and Commodore Hovgaard, com
mander Of the Danish Arctic expedition OF
1929 will greet the American behalf Of
the polar explorers.
The Danish newspapers are full of praise Of
the American enterprise which made possible
the trip Of exploration OF Cook and express their
delight at his success. These articles are replete
with sympathetic references TO the frindship
existing between the United States and Den
mark. None OF them expresses doubt Of the
discovery, and all believe that Dr.. Cook will be
able TO put forward his proofs. Even the Danish
defence question has taken place in the news
papers secondary TO the news of DIR. Cooks dis
coYery.
King Frederick viii receive DR.. Cook to-mor-
and will decorate him with the Danish
gold medal awarded for merit
New-York tribune., 1909-09-04
HONORS FOR COOK HERE.
Erpl0rers' Club Sends HIM InUi-
tati0n for HadsOn-FultOn Dinner.

The board of directors of the Explorers Clup
after a meeting yesterday afternoon, cabled It's
congratulations to DR.. Cook at Copenhagen win
invitation to him to be the guest of honor at
its banquet, which is to be held on Thursday even
Ing. September 30. during the Hudson-Fulton ceie-
bration. Should the discoverer accept the invita-
ton, the banquet will probably form the climax or
the welcome home which DR.. Cook will receive on
reaching his native land
The message was addressed to the explorer in
of the American Legation at Copenhagen It's
text is as follows:
Expl.-ers' Club heartily congratuates you. OFT
your splendid achievement. win you he guest or
honor Explorers Club dinner September ~?
Many prominent scientists and explorers had been
already invited TO attend the dinner which had
been given leading place In the programme of
the Hudson Fulton week. Nansen, Nordenskold'
Amundsen and Stephansen were among those III
vited. The committee which has charge OF the dlh-
ner includes Professor NJ. II. Saville. chairman;
Anthony Fiaa Caspar Whitney Henry G. Walsh
secretary of the club; f. S. Deltenbaugh' STAINS
bury Hagar and Walter g. Clark.
The directors also voted to invite the members
of the Arctic Club, of which Dr. Cook Is wee
president to take part in the dinner The plan II
explained. is not to make the banquet n JOINT
affair, but invite the Arctic club to attend.
Many members of the latter club are also mem
bers Of the Explorers Club. Dr. Cook was presi-
dent of the Explorers at the time of his departure
but has since been succeeded by Commander Peary
Acting Mayor MCGOWAN said yesterday that the
matter OF official reception to DR.. Cook will be
taken up Immediately upon Mayor McClellan's re-
turn.
PERSONALLY" he said, Il believe that the dis
coverer. who has so greatly honored his country
and his countrymen by his triumph over what
seemed insurmountabe Obstacles should he hon
ored. No one who is reasonable will believe that
man OF DR. Cooks scientific and professional stand
ing would that he discovered the North Pole
if he had not done So"
New-York tribune., 1909-09-04
BROOKLYN DEMOCRATS HONOR COOK.
Wyanoka Club Discovers That Explorer Was
Member of the Organization

A meeting of the Wyanoka Democratic Club Of
Williamsburg. held last night in the clubhouse at
No. 30 Troutman street discuss political affairs
developed into a Cook" meeting when 1t was an
nounced by one of the members present that Dr.
Frederick a. Cook the Arctic explorer was one
Of the charter members Of the organization 4
resolution was introduced and adopted unanimous
ly that a committee of hundred be aunotnt sd
to welcome DR. Cook when he returns to BROOKLYN
The committee VIII consist OF fifty members of
the club and fifty prominent citizens of the Bush
wick avenue section where Or. Cook formerly made
his home.
Among those appointed by the club were Joh,
A. Rogers. August Kleh auu-NIcCarren leader of
the 18th Assembly District; Aolph H. Goetting
Gottfred Westernacher. Father Sanderson M
thaniel Levi president Of the Broadway Board of
Trade. and Dr. r T. Davidson, whose family was
the first TO receive the news in America that n,
Cook had reached the North Pole