davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
VOL. III. NO. Is.
EVERY SATURDAY
Our Motto; HyOu see il in The Big
Stick. il ism necessarily so.
MUSINGS FROM
BW ANA TUMBO

Bizzyizzy. British East Africa
august by WirelesS-I haven't
sent any items 20 The Big Stick
for many weeks. not because l
have been too busy-I am never
too busy TO write message. a
letter. or make a speech. ! Just
haven't sent any; that's all in the
last week OF two l have written
several books. all Of which viii be
easily the first best sellers
I stu eat three meals a day, -
my usual eight hours sleep, and
kin a few-animals. big and little.
mostly big.
Say. IL Just tickles me 10 a grin
when ! read Of the fracas between
Chief Forester CinchOt and Secre-
tary Gallinger. Dear old Cinchot.
Wen do remember our battles on
the tennis court IN the days Of my
tennis cabinet. He's a fighter. and
II Gallinger wins out. my training
has been for naught.
Speaking about tennis. am in
formed by my agent in Washington
that the court has been destroyed.
No matter: there IS still consider
able unoccIpie6 ground around the
" mite House.
So the tariff bin has been passed,
signed. sealed. and delivered. and
prosperity is going some. Good-but
the poor consumer. how ] pity that
fellow. It's a shame the way he Is
treated. They revise him up and
down, mostly up, and leave him ur
In the air. Where Is Beverly
have worn myself almost 20 a
frazzle looking for such place on
the map. but nothing doing; ! can't
find II anywhere. III cut this;
am making too much money.
The Rig Stick reaches me regu-
larry. the only high-class publication
that does BWANA TUMBO.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
REVIEWS ALDRIcHs CAREER.
New York Paper UncOmpIImentary
20 Senator.


From the Journal Of Commerce
II Is said that Mr. Aldrich is a man OF
great ability. and in a sense this is true,
as it was true Of Aaron Burr and OF Jay
Gould. and is true OF Edward H. Harri-
man and Of the most successful plotter Of
the present time in national politics His
higher education" began in the grocery
business and the municipal politics OF the
city Of Providence. and his intellectual
training has been OF the most practical"
kind ever since. lie has never given the
slightest evidence OF study OF the science
Of economies, the history OF economics.
- h-s,~-y OF government, or the under
lying principles Of public policy. He early
allied himself with the money power TO
secure his advancement in politics. and
he has served II and II has served him
With the loyalty OF mutual self-interest
throughout his public career His ally
backed him effectively in securing control
o. the legislature OF his State and the To-
cal administration Of his city In the prof
liable scheme Of promoting and consOli-
dating the traction interests OF Provi-
dence and the Leighboring districts. and
in keeping him at the head Of the domi-
nant political organization OF the State,
which meant the retention OF his seat in
the Senate as long as he wished. II re-
lance is to be placed, not only upon com
mon report, but upon a great volume OF
special testimony. there has never been
any sticking al unscrupulous and corrupt
methods when deemed necessary to ac-
complish the mutual ends Of the money
power and the political power. There has
just been a splendid illustration Of this IN
the mthOds by which the revision OF the
tariff has been achieved 10 the satnsfac-
ton OF AIdrich and the dissatisfaction Of
the country
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

OF labor either to disprove such an as
sertion OF fact. and thus establish a right
ful claim for continued or a higher
rate OF wage. or else to accept a dem
onstrated industrial condition. and suffer
with capital its smaller returns. 1t IS
the organized capacity to fight that
makes possible these intelligent treaties
OF Industrial peace, based upon mutual
respect and good faith.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
stay in the Game.

From the Brooklyn Eagle
This bromide remark was made by
an acquaintance Of a woman who. on
Tuesday, drank a cup Of deadly poison:
She was disguised with the illusions OF
society. Although she had everything
money could buy, she was the most IN
happy woman in the world" And so she
made an end Of IL all The woman was
surrounded with the power 10 uplift and
bless others. and yet she saw no way Of
escaping from her nightmare OF selfish
ness. She left note with only these
words: The game is not worth the can
die" And yet she held a good hand, and,
&C the pack showed. had she discarded
her knaves she would have filed with
hearts. But you cannot win unless you
stay in the game
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Floating n Voice.

From the London Chronicle.
Floating a young lady's voice as lin
tied liability company sounds somewhat
Gilbertlan. yet It has actually been done
IN Australia. A syndicate with a capital
OF $1,000 IN q shares has been formed
70 send a young lady with remarkable
voice TO be trained by Nine. Marchesi in
Paris She has entered into an engage
ment 10 give on her return a series OF
concerts IN the principal Australian cities
under the direction of the syndicate.
whose members hope and expect in this
way to get their capital back plus a sub
stantial dividend
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
A MINOR NOTE

l fain would sing a SIMMER song
A blithesome thing and gay
OF waving fields and cooling woods.
OF purling brooks. and hay,
And meadows green, and lowing
herds.
OF shady dells and twitterins
birds.
OF twilights calm and grayl
But, ali. alas. easzoolSs. egadi
Likewise, also. alackl
I cannot sing that song because
My Tyres out o. whack-
JAMES CECIL HOOE.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
SONG OF A WANDERER

There was a man in orr town
Who thought he'd take a trip.
So hiked be straightWay 70 the
Lakes.
Accompanied by his grip.
He had a look az Buffalo,
Duluth. and Cleveland, too.
And then he said. Il love these
towns.
But Washington. oh. y0ur'
d. J. KAUFMAN.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Latest Thing in Hats.

From the savannah News
It's here-at Yeast it's In Paris and Lon
don and New York, and II will be IN Sa-
vannah soon. We have reference 20 the
aeroplane hat. It is a fat thing. with
tail and wings. and is about as wide as
garage door. There Is something az the
front that is supposed to be the car for
passengers. We haven't heard about the
engine and the propeller, but suppose
that 70 carry out the illusion the dear
girl wearing an aeroplane hat will soak
her hair in gasoline 70 produce the re-
CURED odor Of the aviator.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
UNCLE JOE"

BE may not be a statesman
OF the really highbrow sort:
he may soon the scriptiral mes
sage
On the meek and mild retort;
His language may be minus
Much of elegance and grace;
And he may incline 70 lord 70
All around the blooming placel
he may be Just The limit
OF sn autocratic car;
And the lemons be distributes
May be worse than vinegar.
In fact, he may have Satan
Beat a thousand miles. and tame
But you've got TO hand this %
him.
You can gamble he is camel
II. l. +. JOHNSON.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
SATURDAY. AUGUST Is. 1909.
LET YOUR PAPER FOLLOW YOU.

The washington Herald will be
mailed upon request to subscribers
leaving the city during TIE summer
months. Change OF address will be
made as frequently as desired; no
tees OF such change should give
both the old and new address.
Notify your carrier or newsdealer
or telephone direct to The Wash
ington Herald. 794 18th st. NV. The
subscription rate Is the same out
OF town as IN the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
A Fiery sunset.

From the Atlanta Constitution.
THE sunset on Tuesday last" says a
Kentucky editor. was as red as rye
whisky. and specks OF siivery clouds in
the heavens looked Ike beads on old
Bourbon. II was such a juicy-looking
sunset that we took three big toddies be-
fore we retired for the night"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
One Inch on.

From the Houston Post.
II # be true that the heat wave has
shortened the cotton crop an additional 8
per cent. it is the duty OF Grand Old
Texas 70 announce that the world must
come across another cent a pound for the
staple or suffer the loss Of an additional
irch from it's shirttail
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
A Corner in Antiques.

From the Boston Tnveer.
Customer would like 70 see some an
tique andirons and a genuine Chippendale
table.
Secondhand Dealer-Tm sorry. madam.
but we've none in stock to-day. Our cab
inetmakers have been on strike for three
months.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
uMssTEEN IN THE SHADE.

Too hot TO work.
Too hot TO play.
Too hot 20 60.
Too hot to stay.
Too hot TO uun.
Too hot 70 walk.
Too hot 20 write,
Too hot TO talk,
Too hot 10 eat,
Too hot 20 drink,
Too hot to sleep.
Too bot 20 think.
Too hot TO ride.
Too hot TO hy.
Too hot 70 laugh.
Too hot 10 cTy,
Too hot 70 fish.
Too hot 70 Joke,
Too hot 20 chew,
Too hot 20 smoke.
Too hot TO cuss,
Too hot to fret,
Too hot to do
A thing but sWEATl
JOHN p. MILLER.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Some strnnr Wnrdn.
On the Seattle Post-Inteliigenc@,

From the Seattle Post-IutelligencsT.
More powerful than precise"
SO Senator Aldrich characterized the
other day an attack on certain OF his tar
tx ideas.
More powerful than precise" he re-
peated- Like the editorial in the Yutan
Sunbeam. This editorial ran.
I've viii not enter into controversy
with the Shiny. Kissing wolf who tries 70
spit venom from his forlxed tongue on the
editor OF the Sunbeam. The way 70 treat
such crawling vermin is Just 20 let them
below
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
NELLYE's KISSES.

When Nellie wants another Eos1.
She kisses me;
When Nellie wants a 0.ess for tow
She kisses ne;
Whene'er she Graves bonnet new,
Or shoes &c match her stockings blue.
A pair Of gloves. veil OF two.
She kisses me.
Whcno'er my Nellie wants a fan.
She kisses me-
Whence she wants a sash Of tan,
She kisses me.
II she wants money for a coat
Or underwear. always note
She throws her arms about my throat
And kisses me.
detroit Free Press
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
He didn't Propose.

The girl thought she would try a little
strategy.
Mr.. Slowfellow.' asked she, don't
you think two can live as cheaply as
one?"
Nothing 10 H." was the prompt reply
MY chum and I tried IL once. Kept
bachelors hall in a fat"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The imperial government has consented
that a complete telephone system be in
stalled in Pekin. 1t will not be long now
before the sweet little hello girls" Of
Pekin will know about ali the gossip
going the rounds over there.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The Springfield Union thinks Mr.. Roose-
Welt may yet undertake to discover the
north pole. We incline TO think any num-
Der Of malefactors might be found will
ing 10 back that expedition.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The per capita consumption OF intoxi-
eating liquors is said TO be on the in
crease in England. Perhaps that is why
the average Englishman is so nervous
and given to seeing things in the air
nowadays.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Fairy Tale.

From Harper's Bazaar.
Tommy-Tell US a fairy tale.
Guest-Once a man who had a baby
that didn't cry and dog that didn't bite
went to live in a suburb without mos
Quitoes.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

OF the United States is a position OF in
finite inconspicuousness are invited to
consider the case OF the Vice Presidency
OF Mexico.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The Alabama legislature has outlawed
clubs that permit the playing of domi-
nos. BY and by the legislature OF that
State will succeed in making it almost
as cheerful as a cemetery
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Prom the White Pine News.
The old stock exchange building In Ely
is being remodeled and will house 4
saloon some time next week.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

short" says the Chicago Herald.
That is one way to lay up treasures on
earth the while they are also being laid
up in heaven.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

From the New York Sun.
Babers builders explained:
1--WE are trying 10 catch up with the
cost Of living" they cried.
Herewith they added the 'steenth story
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

I've got the dyspepsia. I overate to-
day"
Don't you know better than 70 do
that?"
Yes. I know better; but the depart
ment store restaurant had bargain sale
Of pie"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Now that Gen. George H. Harr.es
has returned 10 the city from the
bloodless battlefield Of "Bosting. !"
the Washington Traction Company
will run It's cars early and late
IS usual.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

From the Norfolk Yirglnia-Pilos
Mr.. Hitchcock's whole political career has beer
an education in the system which conducts cam
paigns OF promises ard redeems the latter viii
Official plums.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

In proving him crazy in the first place,
Harry Thaw's lawyers probably appear to
Harry to have overdone the thing ire
mendously
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Mr.. Fowler's complaint would have
been more impressive, moreover, had It
preceded the appointment Of Congress
sional committees. rather than fol-
lowed IT,
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
AIunrr Within Reach.

From the Ohio state Journal
Senator Aldrich is going abroad, but, OF
course. he can cable II Il becomes neces-
sary TO DO anything more 20 the ultimate
consumer in hts absence.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

A Kentucky negro died the other day
after eating five watermelons. His pass
ing must have been sufficiently peaceful
and happy, however.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

why does King Edward like to play
croquet?" is a question that sorely puz-
zles the Chicago Post Because he had
Maxine Elliott for partner, so far as
one recent game is concerned, we should
say.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
WE HEAR

That Gen HUMPHREYS and Dol.
Taylor arc still in our midst.
That R. Scott IS also on the lit
tie list sent IN By the ledge"
That Angus McSween Is IN Phil
adelphla consulting his chief, Van
valkenberg, on the political stu
alton.
That Z. 8. Porter and u. ].
Callahan are chaperoning Ralph
Lee on 4 sea voyage 70 Boston,
Mass. Ralph has wandered might
ily Of late.
That Commissioners Macfarlsnd
has torn himself away from Dis
trict affairs and IS laboriously
studying high finance and currency
reform at Kent, Conn.
That Chief Clerk Brewer, Of the
Senate Document folding-room, is as
active physically and mentally as
man Of thirty years Of age, de-
spite his twoscore and ten.
That Samuel Gee Blythe having
gotten all the excitement he could
stand at Lake Champlain, IS now
resting In New York City and In
cidentally giving the Metropolis q
treat 70 Who's Who.
That some Of those who would
much rather listen to the band in
the White House back garden than
in any old place are getting lit
tie anxious as to the exact date
q the Presidential return.
That De Lancey Gil. the dis
tinguished ethnologist OF the
Smithsonian Institution. is spending
his vacation down on the Eastern
Shore Of Maryland. presumably 10
study the ethics Of that region.
That Levcn Price and Johnny
Quick are the most active Of the
irst-fOor officials at the post-oftice.
What a loss IN time 70 the public
that they. or men equally as good.
are not on duty at the money or
der windows.
That Greed Fulton has not as yet
lost HIS intense admiration for
LoudouD. But he explains that the
reason he has stopped walking 10
Paeonian every Saturday is because
Of the horribly rough condition Of
80. rro-r..---- r,ff-.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
RinItn Tall

rs Hamlet Fatt a good actor?"
'Ts he? Say. you ought 10 see him look
insulted when he's chased away from
the free lunch"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

"A Pennsylvania man died while play
ing an accordion" says the Cleveland
Leader. Naturally, not violently. more
over
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Nat Goodwin declined a trip in an air
ship recently. The matrimonial bark
is about the only craft in which Nat
seems willing TO take all sorts Of chances.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

A reception in honor Of a monkey was
given recently in Lenox Mass. BY some
parties closely related TO him. too. we
suspect
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

II. Q, G. c. c. {. stiles, the
three-tine winner q the presidency
Of the National Association Of
Photo Engravers. is making cuts
al through the South BY way Of
diversion.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

They've started another war on
Speaker Cannon. And the old man Jess
laffs.'" says the Chattanooga Times. It
is not another war; It Is the same old
war
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The simplhed spoilers advise that
head be spelled he'd" While that is
capital idea, it may not be a good sug-
eestion.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The -year-old Czarevitch OF Rus
STA is insured for $25OO0OO. Russian roy
atty begins early 10 prepare for the
very worst
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Surely the excessively good Alabama
legislature viii not permit thing known
as the Alabama Bar Association 10 re-
tain its organization,
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

It is pointed out that George Washing
ton. during the eight years Of his Pres
idency. was absent from the Capital not
more than six months. Still. there was
not so much to see and talk about in
Georges day.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The unsightly bill board has no friends
left in this country-at least, not among
the newspapers. The press is a practical
unit against H.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
So Helpful.

Cant we instruct the poor about how
to live properly and improve their gem
eral condition."
why. certainly we can. Let us get
up a series Of lectures at one OF the
fashionable hotels"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

DR.. Wiley may be wrong. but the pub
lie is with him, nevertheless.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
TWO CENTS
DOG DAYS ARE HERE.
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

The continued hot weather don't
prevent Uncle George Gibson from
''uccessing to the cause.
George E. Fleming has stolen
away from business during the ab-
sence q his boss and is dallyins
with a bunch Of kids" az Nan
tucket.
The oHice Of The Big Stick Is fast
becoming a favorite loafins place
for the great and neaT-great Of
our timid subscribers. A number
Of such personages have visited with
Us recently.
Norton NJ. Little is automobub-
bling through New England. While
he Is away William NJ. Terrell
! Is hard at work trying 10 reduce
is weight. taking salt baths and
other Ike exercises.
Fred Shoemaker" Hahn and
Sam Hart are week-ending at the
| Anglers Club up the Potomac.
sam and the "Shoemakcr" have
their story typewriter ready Tor
! publication as soon as they return.
n. Conquest Clarke is sailing
merrily across the pond 20 his dear
old London home. When be and
Robert J. Wyune get together. H.
Conquest wiz find out how much
he has forgotten about we Olde
countrie. %
Dick Covert. chic clerk Of the
Post-ofice Department, having tried
10 play ball with a winning team
and failed. has Tackled and viii now
/ Try his luck as Official starter Tor
an automobile endurance run.
As there is not much doing IN
the Police Court during dog days,
Frank Sebring is arranging for a
personally conducted tour 70 At
lantic City. Sebring purposes 20
give the seashorc officials pointers
as TO how to keep the lid on
Henry Il. Simpson. the East
Washington magnate. has returned
from an extensive electric car trip
through Massachusetts Deacon
Simpson Just viii not get used 10
the ne-g-fangled idea Of automo-
billing; rot while he can set there
on electric cars.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Where the President sits. Of course. Is
the head Of the table. But Beverly Bay
Is not the National Capital. nevertheless.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

A writer in MeClure's says ants hear
with their legs" Oh, Bwana Tumbo!
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

MIR, HItchcock's Plum,

Prom the Topeka Capital.
Senator Bristow IS twenty-five pounds fstter than
be was when he went 10 Washington.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Mr.. Pinchot and the Farmer.

From the Philadelphia Press
We have the assertion Of Clifford Pinchot that
the valuable citizen % The body polite IS the
man who extracts from the soil his means q liveIi.
hood.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

From the Boston Transcript.
Congressman Fowler could be elected 10 good o.
fees in the Western centers Of progressive" Re
pubicanisn. HIS attack no Mr.. Cannon has made
him a great hero there.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

"A former member Of his flock has left
a substantial bequest 10 New York
pastor because he made his sermons
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
An sfnre Eject.

Il wish our stage manager could see
that sunset"
''why?"
I think he could utilize It for our
third act. With few improvements"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The oHice Of The Big Stick is fast
becoming a favorite loafins place
for the great and neaT-great Of
our timid subscribers. A number
Of such personages have visited with
Us recently.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

There are numerous counterfeit $500
bills in circulation. 1t is said. BE care
full: do not put one IN the missionary
box when you go 20 church next Sunday
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
lIr. RooseveIt and Frtravnr
Mayor wbitIocL's Third Campuig1

From the Springfield Republican
Mayor Brand Whitlock q Toledo. win have a
third tern If the independent reform spirit < the
placs still dominates the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

From the Chicago Reoord-Herald
Jea Davis. q Arkansas. must be victim Of
foul play. He hasn't been making any foolish
noises recently.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Filler

Brevity Is the soul OF Wit,
But when on space
A humorist may pad a bit
Without disgrace.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

"Good-by. pennant! But we will get
you next season." says the optimistic
Savannah Press. The sentence has a
familiar ring to Washingtonians
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Not with TarIR on wood pulp.

From the Birmingham Age-HeraId
No law ever framed is worth the paper
r. is written on when a majority consid-
ers It unwlse or unjust.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
No Crevices.

Mature abhors a vacuum"
Then why doesn't she grow cubical
cantaloupes? They would pack COM
pactly."
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
ABOUT PUBLIC MEN.
DE-. Taft and Ftnance.

From the Journal Of Commerce.
President Taft Acknowledges that be knows moth
ing about finance. which is unfortunate.
Mr.. Roosevelt and Extravaganza.
From the New Haven Register.
He who has since become the worlds champion
hippo shaver vas. as President, continually Urging
newer and greater extrayagances upon the legisla-
tive side q the government
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

A Missouri surgeon will have to pay
$20.OeO damages for sewing up a sponge
in a patient And It Is not stipulated
that he shall get the sponge back. either.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
Couldn't Resist.

town by ocean breezes swept
Should not fire its STRENGTHENING dept.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

That Z. s. Porter and D. ].
Callahan are chaperoning Ralph
Lee on 4 sea voyage 70 Boston,
Mass. Ralph has wandered might
ily Of late.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

1.-THE immoral play Is the only play
worth writing" says George Bernard
Shaw. Mr.. Shaw's mania for advertising
Is becoming extremely acute.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28
AuTTLE NONSENSE.
DO YOUR PART.

Though sometimes in a sportive mood,
Nature TO man is mostly good
Nature is kind. II doth befall,
But nature cannot do Il all
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

New York Representative. J. c. wILBERDING
SPECIAL AGENCY. Brunswick Building
Chicago Representative. BARNARD & BRAN
ham. Boyco Building.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

George E. Fleming has stolen
away from business during the alb
sence q his boss and is dallyins
with a bunch Of kids" az Nan
tucket.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

That Commissioners Macfarland
has torn himself away from Dis
trict affairs and IS laboriously
studying high finance and currency
reform at Kent. Conn.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Read the BhEvns Busle tomorrow.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

The continued hot weather don't
prevent Uncle George Gibson from
"successing to the cause.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-28

Norton NJ Little is sutomobub-
bling through New England. While
he is away William NJ. Terrell
! Is hard at work trying 70 reduce
is weight. taking salt baths and
other Ike exercises.