Evening journal., 1909-08-17
Colonel Plunkett, '. c.

0CNChlCCnlu anu WtditI VI a NlCIOII0
cross won in India. was sixty years
old and still unmarried. He belonged |
to half dozen London clubs, was seen I
quite little in society and was famed |
for his imperturbabllity.
The colonel wore a wig. he wore
a corset He used cosmetics. To a |
certain extent he was taken to pieces |
at night and put together again in the |
morning. The knowledge OF this was |
confined to himself and his valet and /
the world might suspect and surmise |
and be hanged to it
1t happened on a November evening.
1t was a Tuesday evening. The colo |
mel remained in his chambers ard read |
and smoked up to a certain hour, and |
then his valet took him In hand. On
this occasion the valet had performed
his task and retreated to his own quar-
ters when a hand WAS clapped over
his mouth knee thrust into the small
of his back, and before he could utter
a cry he was on the floor with a gag
in his mouth and his feet and hands
bound. He was surprised by the sud
den attack, but more by the want of
punctiliousness. The groan he fetched
over the latter was long drawn and
genuine The attacker had walked
over several roofs and then used q
short ladder to enter the colonels
apartments He had a few words to
say to the valet and then proceeded on
into the front apartments. The i'm
perturbable colonel was not asleep.
nor was his light yet turned out. Some
men would have started up and ex-
claimed at sight Of a strange man in
his bedroom at that hour, but y wasn't
Colonel Plunkett He had always wait
ed to be addressed, and he did not
depart from the programme on this
occasion.
The intruder gave the colonel look
ing over and then took in the room.
He saw the corset and he chuckled
He saw the cosmetics, and he gurgled
and said:
VEIL old boy. you are playing 'em
nicely. If your glass eye and false
teeth were here, the show would be
complete. Oh. the vanity of man, es-
pecially an old ass of a man! 1 would
not have believed this of man wear
ing the V. c."
"Sir. l never receive callers at this
hour of the night and never in my
bedroom replied the colonel in his
everyday tones.
Eyes, knew that I'd be de trop, but
there are times when one must break
through the bounds Of etiquette. This
Is one of them. Your valet is gagged
and bound, you are helpless in bed.
and I've got a soft snap before me.
my practice has been never to bor-
row or lend"
II was aware Of that fact, and that's
the reason made my entrance in the
way l did. Any objections to tobacco
smoker"
Il have, sir. have never smoked in
this room or allowed others to do so'
"Sorry to break over rules, colonel,
h, but this is an extra occasion"
} tThe man drew from his pocket an
old pipe and illed it with strong to-
bacco and sat down and leaned back
and crossed his legs and puffed away
for three or four minutes before he
said:
How does 1t feel, colonel, to be tax
en- apart at night and put together in
the morning? I'm not asking out OF
vulgar curiosity, but from a scientific
point OF view. Do you feel as IL you
were a loom or an engine OF some
other piece of machinery"
"You will excuse me, sir, II refuse
10 debate the matter with you" replied
the colonel in even tones.
The intruder picked up the wig and
sought to adjust it. and then the corset
and closely examined it, and then con-
tinued:
Il have heard It contended that the
male wearer of a corset has womanish
feelings come over him now and then
and that the wearer Of a wig is always
thinking Of the shiny surface beneath.
Has it ever occurred to you, colonel, to
invent some compound to force a new
growth of hair? You gained the v. c.
for leading a thousand soldiers into
action. How much braFer and greater
and grander if you led 100000 bald.
headed men TO happiness!"
"Sir, let me call your attention to the
fact that you are an intruder" observ
ed the colonel.
"Not n doubt of it, my dear fellow D
replied the burglar, 'but let us infer
that l have begged your pardon and
have been absolved. How long, ny
son Of Mars, by the use Of these cos
metics can you keep up the delusior
of middle age, and what is the idea ?"
Again. sir. I answer that the ques
ton is not debatable."
"No? Well, I could wish that yor
were more pliable, but must takt
things as find 'em. AS my cali thii
evening was entirely unexpected
"Your call, sir, is simply unpleasant
and let me beg of you not to unreason
ably prolong the same"
"That is a fair deal. am here afte
such cash and jewelry as can handil.
pick up
Il have been aware Of that for SOM
time past. There is about $50 In tn
safe. and the keys are there on thl
stand. There are also a few thing
worth picking up. VIII you kindly ge
to business, sir? 1t is my hour 70
going to sleep"
The burglar wasn't over ten minute
possessing himself Of whatever wa
valuable, and when he was ready +
90 he said.