Smyrna times., 1909-05-19
A BACHELORS
~ LAST CHANCE,
BY ARABELLA JASON.

III the NllldSe OF ParkVille
with some sewing ON her lap. when
there was a rattle of wheels in the
road, a ''Whoa! from a man driving
one horse wagon. and she looked up
TO catch her breath and exclaim:
Now. then, if that amt Sam Bott-
FORD, whom haven't seen for the last
SIX years, then it must be his twin
brother though l know he never had
any!'
1t was Sam. He hitched his horse
and entered the gate. and they were
soon shaking hands and asking about
each others health. A chair was
brought out for him. and after some
general talk the widow said:
Sam. you are looking worried and
troubled. and Pm sorry to see it. Is
there anything on your mind that you
want to consult me about?"
There is, Mary" he replied. That's
the reason why I've come over to see
you after all this time Yes. I've been
worried for a good spell back and
hadn't anybody to go to for advice.
All at once the other night happened
to think of you, and l says to myself.
says |, Why not go over and see
Mary SpOoner about it% and that's
why l am here"
Il hope you are not going to lose
your farm on a mortgage"
No; nothing of the kind. Mary, I've
got to be fifty-fve years old. and I've
been living alone all these years. I'm
the oldest old bachelor in the county.
Ten years ago it kinder seemed for
awhile as if you and me was going
to make a match of it, but it fell
through. The deacon came along, and
you preferred him to me. amt kick
ing about it. He was a good man.
the deacon was, and was sorry when
l heard that you was left widder.
He's been dead two years or more,
but don't think I've come accounting.
I've got old and shacklety and bald
headed. and | know it would be no
use to begin talking about turtle
doves to you"
mo. Sam. it wouldn't" was the
quiet reply as the widow breathed a
sigh of relief.
I'm fact, Mary. I'm sorter bound to
another woman-another widder-and
I'm not the man to be cavorting around
after two widder women at once. She's
a woman named Grimes, living about
three miles this side Of my farm. She
owns what they call the Plum Tree
farm"
Yes; 1 know her by sight. So
| you've fallen in love with herr"
Yes; my hearts been a-throbbing
for her for the last six months. She
hain't no great shakes as far as looks
go. and l wish her hair wasn't so red,
but she's got nice farm there, Mary
a mighty nice farmland she can cook
the best boiled dinner a hungry man
ever sat down to. We agree on the
Bible. on the best way to smoke hams
on having wire screens to the winders
in summer-on everything but one, and
that is what is bothering me and why
I've come over to see you"
"And what's that. Sam?" asked the
widow.
'T popped the question two months
ago. but there's another feller did the
same thing He's Abe Johnson. a wild
over. He's about my age and no bet
ter looking. and the widder is hanging
fire as to whether it is best for her Il
marry IN old bach or an old widower
She says she's got to take time t.
think it over"
And you want to hurry her up|
That's just it. Mary You are un
derstanding the. situation right off
Yes. | want to hurry her up. and
want the decision 10 be in my favor
You are a woman and a widder. Yol
ought to know what another woman
and widder would do under certain
circumstances"
"Perhaps.'' was the doubtful reply
What are the certain circumstances?
Jealousy. Mary-jealousy. I've hat
It all planned out for a week past. ant
| believe that If you will help me
can win out as easy as grease. TAX
it that Abe and me stand about equa
in the Widder Grimes affections. 1T
like balancing a stick on the top RAJ
Of a fence. Abe can drive oxen an
not swear. and in case the preache
amt there he can take the lead at
funeral or prayer meeting. | can driv
a hog out of the garden without vel
ing to be heard a mile away, and
have made two speeches on the Fourt
Of July, It's about an even thing b'
tween us. The widder is balancing
She may balance for a year If som'
thing hain't done. Something is goin
} to be done. I'm going to appeal to be
jealousy. I'm going to make her thin
she's lost me forever"
"But just howT
"That's where you come in, Mar.
You'll set a day, and I'll drive ov'
here and get you. I'll drive you pal
the farm and back. She'll surely Sc
us. She'll see us sorter cuddled up
each other and talking CONFIDENTIAL
4 Right In front of her house she'll 81
my arm stealing around your wais