The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-13
POWER OF THE
PRESS FAILS HIM
HIRAM BATTERs6Y is MADE THE
VICTIM OF A FRIENDS LACK
OF FORESIGHT IN LEAVING A
WIDOW.
From the New York Sun.

ny INC way ic iOohco WHICH, eio tr9s
thin man came into the Trumpet Blast
of Freedom office one day, time I was
In proprietary charge of that establish
ment," said the executor. II knew there
was trouble on his mind and he began
to tell It at once.
There's been sort of revolution in
the domestic affairs o. Hiram Battersby
o. Crumpton's Corners said he, am I've
dropped in here to have the power of
the press turned onto It to kind o. sup
press 1t. I'm Hiram
II told him I was sorry to hear that
anything unpleasant had happened IN
his family relations, but that II tho
Trumpet Blast could help him out In any
way 1t was at his service.
Never knowed the Wilder Sibley,
did your" said he.
No. said ].
Sim Sibley was my bosom friend,
he went on, an know he couldn't rest
a minute now in his grave on the hill
side IL he knowed the trouble he brung
to my mind by dyin'.'
II didn't feel that I was called upon
to make any comment on this lack of
foresight on the part tof his deceased
friend, Sim Sibley, and so l didn't-nnake
any.
Maybe you mought gether from
that, remarked the visitor from Crump-
tons Corners, that the Wilder Sibley
amt the Wilder sibley no more, but Is
now Mrs. Hiram Battersby'
IT said that since he had made the
drawing of such an inference a POSSIBLE
ity, l felt warranted in drawing IT..
She's Mrs. Hiram Battersby by
1I,< f6n daf<
Sibley by natur' an bearin', jest the
same! Her name is Sophronia Jane. an
she's Iivin' up to IT! Poor Sim humorea
her too much an spilled her, an now
I'm payin the piper! I hain't got no
h'arthstun to set by, an I'm sleepin' on
the fioor.'
:" You don't mean to say she has
broken up your homer"
Busted itr said Mr.. Battersby.
There's a revolution in my domestic
affairs, 1 tell you, an I want the power
O. the press turned onto 1t to sup
press it!'
"'Ah,' said l. I think I know what
you mean and I scrubbed off the thing
usual in such cases.
"'Caution-Where as, my wife having
left my bed and board without just
cause or provocation, I hereby warn
all whom it may concern against har-
boring or trusting her on my account,
as / will pay no debts of her contract
ing. HIRAM BATTERSBY.
"'Therev said I, passing the notice
over to the aggrieyed husband from
Crumpton's Corners, 'that'll fetch her to
her senses. That'n suppress the revo-
luton, 1 guess.
Hiram Battersby read 1t. pondered
while and len said.
Its too bad you don't know the
Wilder Sibley. Her natur' is setoh that
as soon as she seen this piece strung
out in the Trumpet Blast it'd be jest
like her to drop in on you next week
an set the power of the press to goin'
in this case somethin' like this And
this was what he wrote:
Hiram says l left his bed an board
stead O. which / didn't leave the bed
at all, but took 1t with me, as it
want his'n neither, but mine; an as
fer leavin' his board, all the board O.
his'n I left was an old washboard folks
says his first wife wore herself out
onto, which 1 left in welcome, as
never used one fer my poor Sim an no
Hiram Battersby could git me to do 1t.
I'm sartin, try though he did the worst
way, an I hope he'll cut 1t up fer
kindlin. which / couldn't git him to
cut none fer me, havin' to do 1T all my
self, an all the rest o. the board hse
had was mine an he didn't pay fer 1T,
an if them amt just cause an provo
cation for takin' my goods an passin-
out, asst the neighbors. AS fer expectin'
to git trust on his account that makes
me laugh most to Dustin. Folks knows
Hiram.
1.-The Wilder Sibley's natur' is setch.
said Hiram Rafferty,, that If used the
power OF the press to suppress this revo-
luton in my family affairs like you've
strung it out here, 1t wouldn't 'sprise me
not one ioty If she swept down onto you
next week an turned the power o. the
press onto us somethin' like that air.
It'd be jest like her, she not carin' fer
folks feelin's when her dander Is up.
No, sir it wouldn't s'prfse me not one
jot nor little!
"Of course, I didn't know what to say
next. and while | was wondering In what
way the Trumpet Blast was expected by
Hiram Rafferty, of Crumpton's Corners
to suppress that domestic revolution of
his. which seemed to be serious. Mr.. Bat
tersby himself suggested the cause.
"'Seems to me- said he, that sercum-
stances is setch that this heer trouble
could be riz often my mind II We turned
the power o. the press into " somethin'
arter this natur'. somethin' arter the
natur' o. this seemin'1y strikes me az
bein' the way to do it, the circumstances
being setch.
Mr.. Battersby handed me the draft
Of his Idea. This was It:
Dear Saphrony Jane: This is q cold
an onfeelin' world, without no h'arthstun
to set by, an sleepin' on the floor The
dashboard is cut up, an a cord o. wood
besides Hiram is willin' to be forgive,
an do the chores. Lovingly. H. B."
There said H. B., the power of the
press turned on to 1t that way won't
only be suppressin'; it'll be orushin'i'
IT said all right we would turn 1t on
that way then.
"Itll be $50, Mr.. Battersby,' said I.
"'Dollar n a hail. said he rising.
You don't mean to tell me that the pow
err O. the press don't get turned on till
IT'S hired? Dollar n half!'
II said that was about what It would
come to, regular rate.
THE victim of domestic rsvoiutibH
shook his head dolefully.
Il don't wish no man harm, p'tic'larly
q bosom friend said he. but Sim sibley,
I wisht you hadn't died an left Sophrony
Jane a wilder
s'Then Mr.. Battersby went out. Tho
Trumpet Blast of Freedom did not turn
on it's power toward the suppression Of
his domestic revolution. Our Crumbs
From Crumpton's Corners man never
y,tcled m any crumh bearing on II and