The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-14

'Wot dye think about this here unwrit- ten law?' asked the House Detective.
 'fWho-Teddy?" said the Hotel Clerk. "Or do you mean the other unwritten law that's been adopted as a first aid to mur- der?"
 'I wuz meanin' the other kind" ex plafned the House Detective. "Wot dye think of it?'
 well, that depends" said the Hotel Clerk. Not having shot anybody lately, my mind is still open to conviction either way or hoth ways. But if the painful duty had devolved upon me of working seven or eight of those neat Colts 45- calibre button holes in some fellow citi- zen's clothes while he was still wearing the clothes, would undoubtedly be cheer ing for the unwritten law in a clear, piercing tone of voice.
 i've noticed, Larry that the people who've suffered the abrupt loss of rela- tives or close friends through the opera tion of the unwritten law in connection with an automatic gun or something of that sort are not a rule highly enthus- iastic over its workings But, of course, they are apt to be more or less preju- diced, and judging by the majority of the verdicts here lately these sentiments cannot be shared by the citizens at large, not to say the murderers at large, that being the gratifying state in which most of our best known murderers find them selves at this present writing"
 "Twuz some southern judge wot first set up the unwritten law, wuzn't it?' asked the House Detective.
 "I think maybe it was,' said the Hotel Clerk. "But since twas brought east we've added so many modern improve ments that it's own father wouldn't know it now if he met it in the middle of the
 big rqad The hot-headed southerner was more or less primitive in his application of it, and besides he went on that great
 underlying principle of all North Amer lea homiciding events that the dead man
 must have been to blame anyhow or he wouldn't be so dead, so let's kindly give
 everybody else a clean bill of health and go home from the courthouse rejoicing.
 But by broadening 1t out so as to make
 it justifable to shoot a man for writing
 mash notes to your wife or somebody elses wife, or for having pink side whis- l kers, or for wearing lavender tie
 with a green vest, or for putting on tan
 shoes with a dinner coat for a great | variety of other causes, we've given the | unwritten law a great boost with all 1 classes, Larry. Burglary Is still regarded | as a debased calling. unless pursued ir | connection with 2 railroad merger or a | national bank in which event 1t isn't bur 1 glary any more, but modern finance, and | yeggmen are deservedly unpopular g 1 group because of their untidy personal i habits and bad table manners. But under
 the new dispensation murder is rapidly l becoming our cnmmonest complaint, and ! our national pastime. and our great com 1 bination In and outdoor sport all at the same time.
 1 You don't need to worry about an alb | any more Alibis always were uncertail | anyway and liable to bog down in tn, l middle at an unexpected moment. Yot 1 don't need to waste your coin on alienists i because the best an alienist can guar ! antee you is an indefinite trip to the state 1 bug and fish hatchery. You don't ever ! have to spend time and money proving ! to the satisfaction of the jury that tho i deceased came to his death by catchins 1 cold from the draught that blew through
 some pistol holes in him or that he sue ] climbed to a chronic affection of the heart
 with which the mere incidental fact O ! your having shot large, ragged crevic'
 in his diaphragm had absolutely nothin;
 to do.
 "Yes, sir. Larry, the unwritten law cor | rects these defects In the old-fashionet | style of defense It covers all the con | tingences. It wouldn't do to try to writ l it now, because with all It's phases proper i ly treated 'twould make volume like tn : record in government suit against tn