davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
WILTON LAcKAYE,s WIT

Some Retorts That Were Made by
 Hfn on Worthy Occasions.
 Wilton Lackaye has reputation as Ia raconteur and wit. His famous re tort to newspaper editor who could not dine with him because of coun- ell meeting called to discuss the fea- lures of the next days issue-"Come. now, you're not telling me that sheet of yours is published deliberately and his answer to the publisher of a sensational weekly. who had written roast" of the actor and then had the nerve to ask him whether he had seen it-"No. I shave myself" of course. to the barber shop circulation of the periodical-should prove ample warning to those who stand in the ac- tors path The man who committed the indiscretion of taking Lackaye for clerk in hat store was dumfound- ed when his querulous This hat doesn't fit me at all.' was calmly an swered with Neither does your coat. ." In fact, if one may take at face value the stories that one hears, Lackaye is no respecter of persons. Speaking of a noted tenor, whose acquaintance he had made aboard ship. Lackaya said: We were very thick. He was the thicker of the two" His opinion of managers was expressed in his an nouncement that he would produce his characterization of Les Miserables" when he found a manager who could pronounce its title. A young lady whom he took to dinner remarked that she was as hungry as a horse" where upon he ordered a bale of hay
 Not even the most popular fellow players are safe. for he took excep- ton to Joseph Jefferson's never-chang ing curtain speech. When I look over the foot;ights and see all those inter ested faces I feel like leaning over and shaking hands with everyone" Lackaye pointed out that John Drew has the only face that I could ever imagine shaking hands with, and he might object"
 Another incident furnished drastic comment on the cuisine of q we'll known summer hotel. I'm surprised that you don't like the table. They say they have French chef" If they have" said Lackaye. he cooks with a Canadian accent"
 He is also the author of the song Fay Templeton used to sing about. I'm an intimate friend of an intimate friend of an intimate friend of Froh- mans"
 As a philosopher Lackaye also shines. Last year a little booklet en- titled "Laconigrams" appeared. in which the actor slowed away a mint ef wit and wisdom. and from which the following gems are culled:
 The shadow you see most often in life is your own.'
 "'fhe man who wears diamonds the size cf lima beans is not always a cookmaker. Sometimes he's an alder man"
 "The Suffragette: You see. when l have vote of my own. my husband won't always have to vote the way I want him to-"
 No man quite understands women no matter how young he is"
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
VICIOUS AUSTRALIAN D1NGoEs.

Characteristics of the TreacherOus and UntamabIe Yellow Dogs.
 There are some who believe, though the evidence seems against them. that certain of the wild dogs, like the Aus tralian dingo-'yellow dog dingo. al ways hungry. dusty in the sun"-are reversions to the wild state of a race once tame, just as the pariah dogs of various countries have travelled half .he road toward becoming wild ami mals again, the London Times says
 As one sees the dingo here in the gardens it looks not merely like a do mesticated dog. but like a dog of a distinctly engaging and amiable kind The dingo's character bellies Its gentle ooks. "Quarrelsome. sly and treach- erous," an Australian naturalist has called 1t. So sly is it that according 70 MT. Beddard Gin the Cambridge Natural History 1t feigns death with such persistence that an individual has been known to be partly fiayed before moving" and so treacherous that In the days when dingoes were more commonly kept as pets by the colonists than, as a result of bitter experience, Is the case to-day. 1t was 10 uncommon thing for the dog which mad been brought up with every ten 1erness from puppyhood to turn sud denly on Its master or mistress. or. what was more frequent. when left In temporary charge of an empty house. to seize the opportunity to raid the sheepfold or the poultry runs.
 On such occasions it ravens" even as the wolf. killing not to satisfy its hunger. but in the unrestrainable fury of brute instinct. so that given time enough it will not leave one fowl or one sheep alive. That 1t does not need much time, moreover. is shown by the statement of Thomas Ward that lone dingo in the course of a few hours has been known to destroy several score of sheep" For Its fighting abil- ity the same authority declares it to be match for the most domestic dogs of double Its size
 When wild 1t hunts in packs. which are said sometimes to include as many as hundred individuals, though from six to dozen Is the common num- Der; and the only Australian animal which 1t Is uncertain the pack can ever pull down is Gin spite of MT. Kipling) the "old man" kangaroo.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
sM1THY SONG.

When am half a-dreaming. And only half asleep; When daylight's grayest gleaming Gins through the blinds to peep. Oh. then hear the dinging. Of the smithy hammers ringing.
 Ching, ching. ching. ching.
 Ching. ching. ching. ching. At eve when I'm returning. From labors of the day, Their forges yet are burning. And still their hammers play; And oft the smiths arc singing, To that measured. merry ringing.
 Ching. ching. ching. ching.
 Ching, ching, ching, ching. Often with rhythmic bending Of bodies to and fro, They toll in couples. sending The sparks out, blow on blow;' One hammer always swinging. The while the others ringing.
 Ching, ching, ching. ching.
 Ching, ching. ching. ching. O merry anvils sounding All day till set of sun! It Is by steady pounding That noblest tasks are done, By sturdy blows and swinging, That keeps the world a-ringing.
 Ching. ching. ching. ching.
 Ching, ching. ching. ching. George Horton
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
THE GREAT SALT LAKE.


Body of Water Now Celebrated as
 s.The Lake Thnt Came Back"
 Floating, difficult in fresh water and something of an art in the sea, be- comes in the Great Salt Lake a condi- tion impossible to avoid. Lie down and you lie half above the surface; enter it below your depth and you will walk along after you have sunk to your arrapits, provided only you can keep your balance. No one ever drowned in it. although there have been deaths from strangulation; gal Ion of 1t boiled yields quart of salt. Orson Pratt, the first permanent white settler on it's shore. swam In 1t on July 26. 1S47.
 Since that time the Great Salt Lake has become the principal tourist-bait- ing asset of one State and the center of frequent excursions from another. This year it is being celebrated as the lake that came back" Golfers says. Among its other mysterious traits is that of disappearing in large part up on occasions.
 
 ion was built a mile out in the water, with bathhouses running in crescent shaped lines toward the shore from both sides of the pavilion. In 1900 the lake began to go away. In 1904 bath ing conditions were so bad that the bathing house proprietors had to turn the horns of their crescent the other way about. And then from one of them they had to run an improvised trolley another mile out to the water. In 1906 general cry went up that the lake was gone. and likewise a cry went to Washington for government relief for the arid West. Secretary of the Interior Garfield responded with a trip of inspection in June, 1907, and for the fourteen days he was in the Great Basin country 1t rained. Then he sniffed. My conclusion is," he said that what the arid West most needs Is a boat and set of navigation 1 laws"
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
THE ELEVENTH HOUR
<.s++s.s....-s..s..i.-..ii.s


 'I am not at home to anyone. Jenks"
 Yes. sir. Shall I take tea into the library. sir?"
 No" was the curt answer The door of the library was closed with a decisive hand and locked
 He crossed over to the fireplace and stood for few minutes leaning on the mantelpiece. with his haggard eyes staring down into the recess of the glowing coal. Then Le seated himself at the writing table. and for the next ten minutes there was no sound but the tearing of papers. He wrote two letters. both equally brief. and ad- dressed one to his wife and the other to his lawyers and placed them before him. without a pause. he opened a little drawer and brought out a small revolver. He did pause then. and nov
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
prim smile aItted over his face.


 room. The hand pointed to five min utes to 5.
 A grim smile fitted over his face T will wait until B." he said aloud. Four minutes to the hour Three minutes, Two. Eternity swung in sight-the portals of death were open when someone knocked with a bold ness that demanded entrance.
 What do you want? Who Is it?" "Tt's me, father-Doll," said a clear, childish voice.
 "Go away. Doll" he said thickly ''Go to Miss Carter. Doll-Im-busy" But Miss Carter's gone to a we'd ding and she won't be home till z. and it's dreadfully lonely"
 'I can't see you now'
 Not when it's my birthday" in dignantly.
 In spite of everything he could not withstand her. He must let her in for a minute and then send her away He slipped the revolver into his drawer again and opened the door.
 "Oh. daddy. how cold you are; and yet'-peeping past him-'you have got a lovely fire Darling. are you cross. or not well?"
 "A bit of both. perhaps. Doll" Not cross with me?"
 "No. Doll. mo-"
 You were lonely like me. weren't you? And you wanted me-really?" "Old woman. can't let you stay here-this evening"
 Are you very busy, darling?" "Yes."
 She gave a deep sigh
 "It was dreadfully lonely upstairs" :" she began apologetically; "I don't care two pins about Miss Carter being away, but it's-my birthday. and -tragically-"you never wished me any happy returns"
 "I am a brute. Doll." he said un- steadily.
 He took her little round chin in his fingers and looked down into her honest eyes-replicas of her lovely mothers. but with depth, a soul in them that had never shone in the sparkling orbs of the fashionable beauty. Now as Dolls eyes met his be flinched before them. for their pure glance seemed to reach the recess of his guilty soul. Ten today. are you? Getting quite
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
Fools Gold.

Pyrite. or sulphide of iron. occur quite freely in the iron measures and granite gash viens in upper Michigan It has a brassy color and is known as fools gold" by reason of its sfmilarl ty to the yellow metal in the opinion of the inexperienced. The miners call 1t "mundic Few people appreciate the great value of this mineral. Its principal use is in making sulphuric acid, and in that form it is consumed In very large quantities. much of it en- tering into the refining of kerosene oil as we'll as being used extensively in the manufacture of artificial fertfliz- ers.-Mining World.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
In Bible Times.

Why did you break your engage ment with that girl?"
 When she has birthday she wants me to kiss her once for each year of her life, and I can't kiss girl four hundred times at one sitting"
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
PhiIIppine Forestn.

The forests of the Philippine Isl ands cover an area of about 4O.OO0.- 900 acres. The island of Mindanao, with an area of some 2OOOO.OO0 acres. has immense tracts of almost unhro- ken forests.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
Different.

Do you like the music of phono graph?" 'I have never heard it."
 Never heard photograph"
 "I didn't say that have heard hundreds Of them."-Houston Post.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10
The witching Kind.

'Pa, what are the witching waves?'-
 "Those that the women wear, my son, after their hair has been mar celled. ."-Cleveland Leader.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10

Occasionally man enjoys making a social call because he knows he will never have to repeat 1t.
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10

A woman looks prettier getting b baby to sleep than she does on pub lie platform
The Holbrook news., 1909-12-10

ing his head took a slow survey of the
 room. The hand pointed to five min
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29

mourners made their escape, but so
panic-Stricken was Juana Meadino,
an aged woman, that she tainted.
The supposed corpse was the first
to reach her side, and il was with
difficulty he persuaded his relatives
that he was alive and not ghost and
that the friend of the family was in
need of assistance.
A physician was summoned and
every attention given the woman,
but the doctor says she will not re-
cover. Buenorstro had an unusually
severe epileptic fit and was believed
to be dead.
He had been prepared for burial
by the family and placed in the cof-
fin. 1t was while prayers were be-
ing said, as the relatives and friends
were gathered around the bier that
the supposed dead man recovered.
There was great rejoicing among his
relatives.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
What is Home
Without a Father

We happened in a home the other
night and over the parlor door saw
the legend worked in letters of red;
"What is Home Without a Mother?"
Across the room was another brief:
God Bless Our Home"
Now, what's the matter with God
Bless our Dad?" He gets up early,
lights the fire, boils an egg, wipes off
the dew of the lawn with his boots
while many mother is sleeping. He
makes the weekly hand out for the
butcher, the grocer, the milkman
and the baker and his little pile is
badly worn before he has been home
an hour.
Ii there is a noise in the night, Dad
is kicked in the back and made to 90
downstairs and not only locate the
burglar but kill him, Mother darns
the socks, but Dad bought the socks
in the first place and the needle and
yarn afterwards. Mother does up the
fruit; Dad bought it all, and jars and
sugar costs like mischief.
Dad buys the chickens for Sunday
dinners and serves them himself and
draws the neck from the ruins after
everyone else has been served.
"What is Home Without Mother?"
Yes, that's all right, but "What is
Home Without a Father?' Ten
chances to one its a boarding house.
Father is under the sod and the land
lady is a widow. Dad, here's to you
you have got your faults-you may
have lots of them, but you are all
right, and we will miss you when you
are gone. Exchange.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
MO. TO GET
SHIP FIGUREHEAD.
Man-Of-War Named For This
State TO Lose Bronze Bow
piece.

Washington, July. Secretary Mey-
er, of the Navy Department, gave his
consent TO sending the ''fiGurehead'
from the battleship Missouri to the
State for which the vesSal was nam
cd.
The ''figurehead" of the Missouri
is magnificent bronze decoration in
the form OF a shield. 1t is on the
bow of the ship. BY executive order
it is soon to be removed, as are the
Gigureheads of all the other battle
ships Of slate color.
Senator Warner made the request
that the figurehead be loaned to the
State. Where it will be put in Mis-
souri, has not been decided. 1t may
be sent to Jefferson City to be placed
in the Capitol, or it may be sent to
Columbia to the State University.
The Secretary granted numerous
requests for the loan" of the figure
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
Ottawa lKan.l Herald.


j. f. Kern, of Butler, is the man
who put the drainage project through,
He is the man who, they told me at
the court house and elsewhere, knew
more than anybody else about it.
And Mr.. Kern does know it, clear
from the first statutory enactment on
the subject down through the last
legal amendments, and through every
step taken under the law in Bates
county. They said il had been charg-
ed sometimes that Mr.. Kern pushed
the drainage project to make mark
ct for some bottom land he owned.
I've heard this said about promoters
of improvements a good many times
before.
Mr.. Kern, | found, now owns 700
or 800 acres more land in the bottoms
than he did when the ditch was pro-
jected, and has paid $50 to S25 for his
SIS quotations prior to the ditch
work.
eve had the choice" said Mr..
Kern "of leaving our bottom lands to
underbrush, or of protecting them
from the river, and making the rich
est agricultural region in the world.
II looked hard, but a good many
harder things have been done, with
less profit. Prior to this action there
was little if any cash sale for bottom
land. 1t was trading stock, and had
a value of $40 to SIS an acre. Every
body counted on its Overlooking. 1t
moved up to $40 and S25 an acre,
cash sale with the letting of the drain
age contracts, and it is steadily going
higher. We haven't turned all the
floods, even when we get through.
But we've made agriculture there
certainty for the big majority of years.
Now we have the law amended so
we can form subdrainage districts in
side the main district. We shall
build levees and cut through some
river bends. Private property will
have to supplement what the districts
and sub-districts do. 1t isn't ques-
ton of expense; it's an investment.
| hope to see your county take hold of
it. Linn county, Kansas, has written
asking advice. The counties below
us are going to act. 1t means the re-
clamation of the lowlands in the
end"
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
LOOKING BACKWARD.
Gleanings From THE TIMES
Columns a Quarter of a Cen
fury Ago---July 80, 1884.

1t is now a settled fact that Gen,
Joe Shelby will be a citizen of Bates
county. His son, who was in Butler
Sunday, informed a Times man that
the general is now having lumber
hauled to build a large residence
house on his farm near Adrian.
A new cornet band has been or
ganized in Butler with S. C. EchleS
as leader. S. w. Peach has been
training the boys in the use of the
horns.
The Cumberland Presbyterian
church on Pine street is nearing COM
pletion.
Sneak thieves entered the residence
of Sam'l Levy, on North Main street,
Friday night last and stole from his
vest pocket his gold watch and chain
valued at Sl75.00.
A call was made in this issue for a
National Greenback Labor conven-
ton for Bates county. Signed by
w. O. AtkeSon, chairman.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
King, Auditors Chief Clerk.

Jefferson City, July 26.-Willard
P. King, formerly deputy county clerk
of Clay county, and since last January
revenue clerk in the office of the
state auditor, was appointed chief
clerk by John P. Gordon, state audi
tor, vice A. G. Blakey, who resigned
because, he said, there is more money
to be made in business life than there
is in holding political position. Mr..
King will assume the office August
Is.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
Dispensed the Heart Throbs. ,

Little Johnny had been absent for
an hour When he returned his
mother said to him: "Where have
you been, my little pet?" 81 have
been playing postman," her pet re-
piled, "and gave every one in this
block a real letter." "But where did
you get the real letters, dear?" she
asked him. "Oh, Igot 'em out of
your dresser drawer. They're the
ones you had tied up in blue rib
bon."
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
Fighting Peek-a-Boos With a
Camera.

Minneapolis, Mimi, July.-lt will
be well for the young woman with
peek-a-boo waist and abbreviated
skirt to keep off. Niccolett avenue.
The Rev. G. L. Morrill, has begun
campaign against immodest dress,
and he announces that he will spend
Saturday afternoon obtaining pictures
with which to illustrate a lecture he
will give on the subject Sunday
morning.
Mr.. Morrill, says that many of the
1909 summer costumes paraded on
Nicollett avenue are not only immod-
est but positively indecent, and he
has chosen for his subject, Dress
Undress or How to Dress. p"
Armed with a camera he will sci
out Saturday to obtain direct evil
dence that many Minneapolis women
could use part of their peach-basket
hats to advantage in remodeline
waists and skirts.
'The pictures | will put on will be
the genuine article" said Mr.. Morrill,.
Boy Loses Legs; Drives Home.
Chillicothe, Mo-, July. Joseph,
the l3-year-old son of Mr.. and Mrs.
A. B. Lineberry, residing southeast
Of here, met with an accident which
resulted in his death.
The boy had been in the field NOW.
ing hay. While he was standing in
front of the sickle unhitching the
horses, the animals became frighten
ed and started to run, the machine
cutting off the boys legs.
He stopped the team and crawlee
into the seat on the mower and drove
the team quarter of a mile to thu
house before he became unconsciou.
and died.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
Sits Up in Coffin at Wake.

Merelia, Mexico, July. While two
dozen relatives, friends and neighborS
were attending his wake, Teoflio
Buenrostro suddenly sat up in his
coffin.
With terrifying shrieks the mourn
ers stampeded as the supposed dead
man rolled his eyes and then blinked
at the spectators. All save one of the
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
Adrian Items From the Journal.

Grandma Fuller died at her home,
three miles west of Adrian, Wednes-
day morning. She was past eighty
years old and had been in falling
health for some time.
No person should gloat over the
miSfortuneS of others. Trouble
comes to all of us, and we should
help our neighborS TO bear his bur-
den in his hour of anguish. tits well
to remember that the best people
make mistakes and sometimes need
the mantle of charity thrown about
them.
A warrant was issued Tuesday
from Justice Mahan's court for the
arrest of John Silvers on charge OF
wife abandonment. Constable Hall
drove over to Cass county, where Sill
vers was working and arrested him.
He was arraigned Tuesday night, but
gave bond for his appearance for
hearing next Monday.
The two-year-old son of Mr.. and
Mrs. John jenkins died at the home
of his parents, five miles west of
Passaic, Sunday, July 18th, of flux.
Rev, Weir conducted the funeral SER
vices Monday, and the body was
buried in the Crescent Hill cemetery.
The young parents have the sympathy
of many friends in this bereavement.
Edwin Askew died at a hospital in
Kansas City Sunday night after a
brief illness of typhoid fever, aged
about q years. He was the son of
Robert Askew and was born and
raised in East Boone township, Last
summer he worked at the carpenter
trade with his half brother, Charles
LaFrance, in this city. During the
winter he went to Kansas City, where
be worked at his trade until stricken
down with the disease from which he
died. Edwin was a good workman
and young man of good impulses,
A wide circle of friends mourn, be-
cause this promising young man has
been taken away. A father and sew
eral brothers and sisters are left to
mourn. The body was brought to
Adrian Tuesday noon and taken to
the LaFrance home in this city, where
the funeral services were held at two
O'Clock in the afternoon, conducted
by Elder Aaron Showalter, after
which the body was laid to rest in the
Crescent Hill cemetery.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29
A Night Riders Raid.

The worst night riders are caiomel,
croton oil or aloes pills. They raid
your bed to rob you of rest. Not SO
with DR.. Kings New Life Pills. They
never distress or inconvenience, but
always cleanse the system, curing
colds, headache, constipation, mala-
ria, 25c. at F. 7. Clay's.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29

A faker of smooth address selling
Texas land dropped into Corder last
week. He was accompanied by Mrs.
Cooper, SO called, and they spent a
very enjoyable time settling up all
obligations by check. The checks
all returned protested and the mer.
chants are out about $500.
The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-29

heads from the ships. They will be
sent to the States for which the ships
are named. Among others, the fig
ureheads from the Kansas, the Ne
braSka, the Iowa and the Minnesota
were disposed of in this way,
While the Navy Department des-
ignates it as "loan," the sending
of the 'figureheads to the various
States will be more of the nature of a
gift, as they never will be reclaimed
by the Government, in all probability.