davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Don't cry over split milk. Hunt for
another cow" is recent remark of
Mack Gretchen.
1t has been discovered, says the OF
tawa Herald, that the man who has been
slashing dresses in Wichita was a luna
tic and not a benefactor introducing
the directoire style with no tiresome
waits.
Clyde H. Knox. who was for several
years editor of the Sedan-Times-Star
and later was associated in the owner
ship of the Coffeyville Journal, has re-
turned to Sedan. where he will take
charge of the Lance.
A fight between the two electric light
companies at Arkansas City has re-
duced the prices of the city's street
lights so per cent. and it is said that in
the next ten years the city will save a
million dollars in the contract.
The Kansas City Journal asserts that
society folk will read the legal no
tices" columns with interest if the pro-
posed bill in the legislature becomes a
law compelling the printing of engage
ments 10 days before marriage
Barney Sheridan. formerly editor Of
the Paoia Western Spirit, and at one
time proprietor of the Kansas City
World, says that the longer a newspa-
per is run along lines of absolute hon
esty the surer it is to make money.
The Lawrence Journal inquiries with
some anxiety to know what the tenn
perance workers are going to do when
they get all the booze joints shut up"
This is the answer: They are going into
the bottoms district of Lawrence and
every other town of the same class and
find that they have not got all the
booze joints shut up.-Ottawa Herald.
An Ottawa telephone girl is deserv-
ing of some recognition for her heroism
during a late fire. She was alone at the
board at the time and when the alarm
went in she knew instantly that her
W0T16 h.
ed to save them but she felt that 1t
was her duty to remain at her post
where there would be any number of
calls during the course of the fire and
she stayed at her post although she lost
everything in her room.-Garden City
Te1eerann.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

which most of the high tariff laws OF
this country have been built. They
have been so constructed as to pro-
tect beyond reason many of the in
dustries in this country Two things
have resulted therefrom. The tariff
revenues have not been as great as
they would have been if the schedules
had been lower and the people of this
country have been compelled to pay
more for the necessaries of life, man
ufactured at home here, than these
self same goods are sold for in other
countries. There has been no room
for competition, and that's why so
many monopolies have been able to
develop and levy such burdens as they
please. a reasonable protective tariff
was all right until the industries of
this country had reached a footing
where they could well look after their
interests in any market. They have
been in that condition for a long time
and the tariffs that have continued to
protect them have been unreasonable
and oppressive to the people.
1t is time there was a change and
it is to be hoped that congress will
see the force of Mr.. Taft's arguments
for tariff now mainly for revenue.
1t is certain. The country needs
the revenue bad enough and the peo-
pie need relief from the burdens
which the high protective tariff have
thrust upon them.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
GLOBE SIGHTS.
Trom the Atchison Globe.1

CFrom the Atchison GIobe.J
Money would be more enjoyable if
it took people as long to spend it as
it does to earn it.
We have noticed that when a far
mer comes to town on Saturday, he is
usually badly in need of a shave.
When he wants to go some place
a boy can do work in ten minutes
which would ordinarily take him half
day.
than when he has only nightshirt
on: When he takes his nightshirt off
Nearly any old girl is so clever that
that she can talk to a young man for
year, and never give him an idea of
her age.
means either that she is very much in
love with him. or that she is particul-
larly stupid.
The Lancaster Literary society de-
cided last night, after a heated argu-
ment, that it is no offense for a boy
to kiss a girl.
We have attended a good many lee
lures, and all came up to our expecta-
tions in one particular; they were all
long enough.
best neighborhood in the world which
would indicate that people are pretty
decent everywhere.
Poor parents who are bringing up
daughters to be princesses, are MAX
ing lots of trouble for the poor devils
who marry the daughters.
When a young woman begins to
take up literary or philanthropic
work as serious fad, it is an indica-
ton that she has Lost Hope.
Old Ben Franklin was about the
wisest product this country ever pro-
duced. and he never said anything
much better than the best way to find
money is to earn it.
1t sounds well in a song to have the
wife waiting for her husband at heav-
ems gate, but the average man has
had to explain so often what makes
him late, that this feature of heavenly
bliss is not alluring
There is a mistaken idea that cul-
ture means to paint little, to sing a
little, to dance a little, and to quote
passages from late popular books. AS
a matter of fact, culture means moth
ing of the kind. Culture means mas
terry over self; politeness, charity. fair
ness, good temper. good conduct. Cul-
eture is not thing to make a display
of; it is something to use SO modestly
that people do not discover ali at once
that you have 1t.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
BAILADE OF PRUDENT SPORT.

m not pugnacious, not a bit,
ibeiore I'd fight I'd always run.
Inat I'm a liar I'll admit
IN fact, that's what I've often done.
never could see any fun
1,1 IN being wiped from off the map
ny some big brute who weighs a ton,
6ut' Oh, love to see a scrap!
IL is a pity that the pit
Inat is an inadvertent pun
Is IroWned upon as most unfit
10 patronize-a thing to shun.
but 1lght1ng cocks do take the bun
FOR force and fury, fire and snap.
MY morals are most finely spun,
But, oh, love to see a scrap!
l like to see a fellow hit
A. blow with force enough to stun
And come up smiling, full of grit,
AS If the thing had just begun.
Of all things underneath the sun
That is the one, that warns a chan
m not Vandal, nor a Hun
But. oh, love to see a scrap!
L'ENVOI
To safely sit and watch the one
The others crimson claret tap!
In mildness 1 will yield to none
But, oh, I love to see a scrap!
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
QUAKER MEDTTATToNs.
[From the Phlladelphia RECORD.

CF'rom the Philadelphia Record.1
A foreign title can always be bought.
but not on credit.
Many a man who is stoop-shouldered
takes his whisky straight.
Outstanding claims that are paid are
generally held by those who stand In.
Lots of men know how they could
get rich if other men wouldn't butt
It's all right to be slow but sure, but
with some men we are only sure they
are slow.
Every man has few faults, and
proud of them.
The Bible tells us to love our neigh
bors, but the Bible was written be-
fore neighbors were SO close.
Some policemen are so fat that it's
a wonder how they can manage to
squeeze in the side doors.
The pen may be mfghtier than the
sword, but truth doesn't always lie at
the bottom of an ink well.
Marriage" observes the Cynical,
Bachelor, "is the onotony that re-
lieves the excitement of life"
1t really makes little difference to
us whether the earth is flat or round,
so long as we can make both ends
meet.
If a man makes a speciality of hand.
ing advice to his neighbors 1t doesn't
take him long to acquire reputation
as a meddler.
Blobbs-"Yes, I have proposed to.
her six times" Better look
out old chap. First thing you know
that girl will accept you"
Many a fellow is ready to move
heaven and earth to win girl when
all that is necessary for him to do is
to ask her to have him.
NeIl-"Yes, Miss Screecher is very
charitable She sings at all the char
fty entertainments" Belief should
think it would be more charitable on
her part If she wouldn't"
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Wroten ad Looie Linkenfusser, Kala-
mazink. Michigan.
Howdo, Looie. Opserf, Looie, dot
you iss now under a new regimee, er
rehzime, vot effer Id iss. Der Kink
haf vendt to Africa. Long lift der
Kink. Fer seferal years., Looie, We haf
peen oopagensd der roughrider. Ad
pressend, We iss entering upon anoder
rez-er vot effer i'd ISIS, und larch gobs
uf unpoluted peace und kviet will fall
aboudt us. Der pressendt incumbendt
iss too fat to knock cudt a prjze-fiter
er chumbp a fence NIT hoss bedween
hiss foots und haf his pictoor took ad
Won und der same dime. Derefore,
Looie. We iss entering upon der Sar-
gosa sea, vich iss alleged to be kviet.
In der meantime, Won Teddyfelt
fadder uf der teddy bear und oder
foolishmendt, iss piking fer Chungle-
out Africa NIT sefferal guns tied to
him. He haf vonce gun, a larche Won,
to shoodt larch game, such es elley-
funts; noder gun, medium size, to
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1

[From the Chicago News.1
Even a good cook sometimes makes
mess of it.
A doctors pills may cure some ills,
but not i'll humor.
Many a mans cowardice has kept
him from getting in bad
The higher man climbs the harder
will be his fall-if he falls.
Most druggists can furnish an
imitation-or something just as good.
Faith may move mountains, but it
has no effect on bill collectors.
Giving a hungry man advice is
about as charitable as feeding ice
cream to a wax doll.
A woman appreciates an in
dulgent husband-if he doesn't allow
the indulgence to stop with himself.
1t is more blessed to give than it
it is to receive, but most of US are
willing to let the other fellow have the
blessing.
The average man is willing to sign
almost any kind of a petition, so long
as 1t does not interfere with his per-
sonal liberty.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
JOURNAL ENTRIES

The man who always has chip on
his shoulder occasionally carries q
black eye.
In theory, two may not be able to
live as cheaply as one but many cou-
pies do in practice.
X X <
Proposals of marriage lead to many
different ends, including breach Of
promise suits.
x X
To the great credit of the advertise
ments in magazines, none of them are
written in dialect.
X y x
In this love business one can lose
ones heart or ones head. or both,
without feeling any i'll effects.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

An echo of the general election last
fall comes with the announcement of
Mr.. Bryan that Montgomery county.
Ohio. has won his famous mule which
he decided to award to the county in
the country which made the largest
gain in Democratic votes. About the
only place that a county can care for
mule is at its poor farm and this
will be quite an appropriate place for
this more or less distinguished animal.
Tt will be able to hobnob with other
spirits who have felt the heavy hand
of disappointments.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
From the New York Press.1


A girl can always fool a man about
what she thinks of him because he does
it himself
The man who would rather stay
home and lay oilcloth for his wife than
go to a baseball game hasn't got a
wife.
The mean thing about a holiday is
all the disagreeable things you have to
do then because you don't have the
time other days.
The time a girl feels she can really
trust a man not to kiss her is before
her father. and that's why she never
let's him stay around
Lots of people who pray for thing
they want tire themselves all out that
way, so they can't help it along with
little work.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
Wooer Turns Handsprings.

Peter Foote, a wealthy and lonely
bachelor who came here from Seneca
several monthes ago. advertised in the
local newspaper for a wife.
Soon after the advertisement ap-
peared a wel1-formed young person
called on Foote. "She" wore a strik-
ing gown and "her' wealth of golden
hair was "done'' in the latest fashion.
"She'' told him cher name was Marie
Ward, and ''she" came in answer to
Foote told his caller that "she
looked pretty good to him." and i'm
mediately set a-wooing. So overjoyed
was he at his fortune that he tipped
a handspring by way of proving it.
His agility made a hit with Marie"
of love, 'she' bade him turn more
handsprings. Peter complied and was
told he might have his answer the
following day.
More handsprings, then the formal
proposal, and Peter was accepted.
being performed Immediately, and a
Justice of the peace and a score of
Foote's friends were summoned. The
bridegroom's offer to whip his enthus-
iastis friends who attempted to kiss
the "bride' was the only incident to
Foote took his bride to his home,
and before he had done welcoming
"her'' he had a vision. The bride"
"her" dress and also the
mass of golden hair, and stood before
Foote in mans attire.
your 1ove!" he cried, as he dashed
through the door. marie" was no
more than a 17-year-oId boy, James
with abnormal hankering for
practical jokes.-Savour IS. Do dis
patch to New York World.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

There were cheers in the national
house of representatives the other day
when the ship subsidy bill was killed
by the narrow margin of three votes
They are misdirected. for if there is
one thing the United States needs it
is legislation of this character to
stimulate shipping, the carrying over
the seas of the millions and millions
of dollars worth of American goods
in American built ships.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

AS might have been expected, Mr..
Rooseve1t's first work in his capacity
as an editor of the Outlook, is a slash
ing arraignment of yellow journal
ISM" For this he may well be par
doned for he certainly has felt more
than one mans share of its stings.
Furthermore the editorial is prime
and sets forth just such high stand
ards as he has set for other caIlings.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

since the famous 'possum dinner to
Mr.. Taft that the prevailing price re-
Gently was $40 per animal, and they
used to be a drug on the market at
oO cents each. All of which shows
that when anything becomes fashion,
able it becomes expensive.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Possibly the most unpopular student
these days at Oxford university is L.
c. Hull, the American, who won two
important running races at a recent
athletic contest held by the English
college. Englishmen consider them
selves the best runners in the world
and they are except when they get
up against some top-notch American
a Loft
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

The few remaining 'possums in
Georgia are breathing easier now be-
cause a law has been discovered on
that states statute books which pro-
hfbits the killing of these marsupials
during seven months of the year. If
Il had not been for the discovery OF
this law the 'possum would have been
a rare beast in that locality. The de-
mand for them has been so great
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Topekans are not enthusiastic over
bad weather, but being patriots to the
core, they probably would have been
unanimously willing to swap the
weather which prevailed here on
March for the kind that happened
in Washington, so that the inaugural
ceremonies could have been carried
out as MANNED
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

There is nothing strange in the fact
that the members of the senate and
the house of the state legislature can
not even agree on a time for final
adjournment. They haven't been able
to agree on much of anything during
the entire course of the session
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Goodbye and good luck" was Mr..
Roosevelt's parting to all his friends
as he left Washington after the in
augural ceremonies. Instead of "Good-
bye" he ought to have used "Au-
revoir" for the chances are great that
he will again play a prominent public
role in WASHINGTON some day.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
A Lens-NIalSing Traeedyv

Probably few persons took much in
terest in the announcement that a
nav had been discovered in the great
! 1O0-inch lens for the Mount Wilson
rejecting telescope To scientific men
TINS was no less than a tragedy, since
1t means an expense of $4,000 and a
delay Of one year, with possibility that
the second effort will be no more sue
cessful.
1t is doubtful If many persons ever
saw a rejecting telescope. When the
term telescope is used we think
of an instrument with a long barrel
and lenses at each end. These are the
most common, but are not in many
cases the most useful They have de-
fects which cannot be remedied in
our present state of knowledge, and
they have limitations put upon them
by nature which perhaps may never
be overcome. But the rejecting tele-
scope, consisting of single lens plac-
ed horizontally and with out any "bar-
rel is In many respects the more use
full instrument for astronomers, al
though 1t also has its drawbacks.
In this instrument the light falls di-
rectly on the lens and is rejected back
to a focal point, which is distant from
the lens according to its diameter. 1t
is open to the objection that the light
reflected back interferes with the fall
ing rays, but ingenuity has overcome
much of the disadvantage. The larg-
est effective instrument of this sort Is
at the YerkeS observatory, but the one
planned for Mount Wilson is to be
more than twice as large, and much
larger than that Of Lord Rose, which
was so famous so years ago.
The difficulty in constructing a lens
more than feet in diameter arises
from the fact that the glass must be
absolutely f1awleSS, or as near so as
human skill can make it. To make
such a lens is long, expensive, and
difficult process, and many failures
inevitably result before success is
achieved even for small lenses. If the
100-inch lens is finally turned out nor
mally perfect, we shall have an in
strument which will greatly add to our
knowledge of the universe about us.
1t is an interesting fact in this connec-
ton that for several generations the
best glass has been made in France,
but the best workmanship in grinding
the lenses is done in this country. The
latter work is so delicate and difficult
that it requires almost a sixth sense
to accomplish anything like desirable
result.-Philadelphi Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Colonel Tucker has been put on the
army's retired list for life on three
quarters pay. This will be a sad blow
to Mrs. John A. Logan and her daugh-
ter for If the latter now secures a
divorce from the colonel she will not
be able to demand as large an alimony
as she would have if her husband was
receiving the full pay of a colonel.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
A1IUsEAIENTs.

at the Grand.
Monday night-The Readick Stock COM
Tuesday night-Readick Stock Company.
w Wednesday matinee and ntght-The
ReadiciS Stock Company.
Thursday night-The Readick Stock
Friday night-Max F1gman.
AT the Auditorium.
Sunday afternoon-Free concert by Mar
shan's Band, 3 D. ma
At the Novelty.
Dafly Matinee 2:30-High class vaudeville.
Evenings 7:55-9:15-TIigh class vaudeville.
At the Majestic.
Daily matinees2 :30-High class vaudeville.
Evenings 7:45-9:15-High class vaudeville.
For particulars prices and amusement
details, sec announcements In this paper
elsewhere.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

A Paris newspaper describes Mr..
Roosevelt as being "an athlete in
politics as we'll as in sport, war and
theology" And that is a mighty pat
description of the man.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Isaac Stephenson has finally been
reelected to the United States senate
by the Wisconsin legislature. So that
100000 he expended in his campaign
was not spent in vain. 1t might be
said, though, that he got an exciting
and nerve-wracking run for his
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Wall street is probably expecting
four years of the simple life. but it is
dollars to doughnuts that Wall street
is fooling itself
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Speaking of expensive good roads,
New York city is soon to build one
four miles long which will cost about
S4.SOO.OOO
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06

Ex-Governor Hoch made something
of a record in appointing men of high
caliber to office but Governor Stubbs
seems bent on making a better one in
this regard.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
e 5I I." y
FRON OTHER PENS
JAPAN SEES A JOKE.

1t has often been alleged that a
racial defect of the Japanese is their
lack of humor, that they take them
selves too seriously and expect others
to do the same. Ample refutation of
this theory is afforded by the crusade
which has just been commenced by
the Yordzu Choho and other Japanese
Journals against the silk hat The
ground for their opposition is simply
that the stovepipe is a ridiculous in
stitution which ought to be abolished
and that it should not be coun-
tenanced by any nation with preten-
sions to progress and enlightenment.
Englishmen wear the silk hat on every
occasion, grave and gay, because their
grandfathers did, but up-to-date folk
refused to be ruled by an absurd
precedent. At the risk OF spo1llng
the Anglo-Japanese entente, the news
papers of Toxic are throwing weighty
rhetorical brickbats at the high hat,
dear to the heart and expensive to
the pocketbook of every Englishman.
The antiquated headgear is character
lied as iIl-proportioned, laughter
provoking, unsanitary, jarring to
esthetic natures and a representation
of superficial civilization" 1t is de-
c1ared to be especially inappropriate
to Japanese with their low stature
"Why our countrymen, who are IA
nous for their artistic taste, should
have come to adopt this monstroslty,
remarks the Yorodzu, sis past our
.'-PtttSDurg Gazelte'
LEARNING AND POLITICS.
1t is said that the election of Pro
fessor Lowell to the presidency of
Harvard college means a closer un-
ion of the university with higher poll
tics.'' There has been so much insin-
uation against politics that education
seems disposed to indulge in the dis
trust, and to keep its classics, it's
it's science from asso-
citation with it.
And then, the jealousy and suspi-
cion of partisan politics have dis
education from entering the
field, even to talk of universals and
ideals. And yet, when one analyses
the subject of education, he finds the
basic idea to be the publication and
exaltation of civic duty. If education
does not incline a man to be brave,
honest, sincere, unselfish, outspoken.
it has fallen short of
its main purpose. 1t is no use what
ever.
We talk much these days of indus
trial education; of that happy associa-
ton of learning and labor; of that
fair combination between brainwork
and handwork, which is the condition
Of a hopeful destiny. 1t is well we
do. But precisely like that is the
union of the classics and civics, of the
history and patriotic duty; of the
grammar of talking well and the pol
tics of doing welI.-Ohio State Jour
nal
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-06
KANSAS CONMENT
PENsIoNING THE PROFESSORS.

L G-ANS1ONING THE PROFESSORS.
kansas has decided to make the state
al SarneSle fund which has been created
LOT the purpose of pensioning superan-
nnated teachers.
oklahoma has decided on an opposite
t,,'aas 1uLse ana an issue is fairly Joined be-
tween the two states
hdnSas argues that the fund exists
ana that Kansas teachers are as de-
serving as those of other states and If
o4eTe are favors going, this state might
al ledSt In line of acceptance
Oklahoma takes the view. held also
py Bryan, that the Carnegie fund is
uoupiy tainted and for that reason it
shouId not be accepted by Oklahoma
The first taint comes in the way the
1und was accumulated. Mr.. Carnegie
acquired his vast fortune through a
steeI monopoly which squeezed vast
Mealth NN out of the consumers. 1t is
Iooked upon by the Bryan school of
h0rahsts as little better than robbery
Ihe second taint lies in the possible
erect of this pension upon its
rSSclplents. May not the prospect of
10 defend its acquisition? May they not
gradually come to look upon it and its
method of acquisition as something to
e. pe. praised, and may they not, uncon-
scaoqsly. perhaps. inject into their
teachings the doctrines upon which
monopoly is founded?
Kansas does not accept either pro-
position. 1t thinks Carnegie's money is
direct from the mint, and it does not
believe Kansas professors liable to
teach false notions in political economy
fee.
The question is open to argument and
there is no referee who can determine
the point at issue
In general a college professor who
cannot save enough out Of his liberal
salary for his old age, is hardly fit to
teach economy of any sort-political
or the every day variety.-Wichita