davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02
Defined.

The Writer'S Child-Pa, what II
penury?
The Writer-Penury, my son, is the
wages of the pen.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

Chicken-hearted people are always
Matching excuses.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

Love is not blind, but those whom
It affects are.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

HE night had crashed
through the woods
in storm, but the
morning broke in
sparkling sunshine
like a white burst of
spray from a dark,
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

to give you. God is-love." He drew
the shrinking oma to his side. Il
cannot preach longer to you to-day,
for I have found my wife-who was
lost-and we must go home together"
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

A good singer can always make
women cry by singing Home, Sweet
Home" So many people long for Q
home, and so few have one.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02

Your photography is twisted, Alonzo.
A woman is not a padded cell.
The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1909-04-02
For Headache Try Hicks capudine.

Whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or
Nervous troubles, the aches are speedily
relieved by Capudine. It's Liquid-pleas-
ant to take-Effects Immediately. 10, 25
and Soc at Drug Stores.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09
Giants in Those Days.

@LYDE FITCH, at a dinner he once
~ gave in his beautifully decorated New
York house. talked about the press agent.
1.-The press agent of today he said,
has a dull and feeble imagination beside
the press agent of the past. How Bar
mum would have scorned the press agent
of today!
"Barnum. you know, had good press
agent. Take his press agents story OF
the elephant Alpha.
alpha fell ili-so the story ran-w1th
gastritis No medicines would relieve hef:
IT was discovered that she had wrenched
off an iron bar from her staii. and as lhe
bar couldn't be found anywhere, all saw
that she had swallowed 1t. This bar was
the cause of her acute gastric sufferlngs:
Mr. Barnum had a small coored lad
named Rufe working for him. he sent
for Rufe and said:
- want you to take a rubber tube TO
breathes through. and we'll put strong
down into Alpha's stomach after that iron
bar she's swallowed. It's the only way
to save her life.
Little Rufe rolled his eyes in horror.
but he knew Mr. Barnum. He knew he
must obey.
$50 he was we'll creased with .cosmoline
and Alpha, being safely gagged. they thrust
him head first down the enormous oesoph-
agus, a long stick, well-oiled, showing
him right down into the elephants Stom-
ach.
He soon found what he sought there,
he gave three tugs on the rope. and they
drew him out with the indigestible bar OF
iron clasped in his hand.
1T is superAuous to say in conclusion
that AlphaS life was saved. and that
brave little Rufe was handsomely re-
warded by his generous employer"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

talking about your brother and his mis-
fortunes Don't pull that antique gag OF
making him the central subject of TINS
talk SO that you can get chance TO claim
that I'm knocking your relatives and
begin to dab at your eyes and all that
stuff Your relatives are Your own, and
you're welcome to EN-, but your rela-
tives are not under analysis here. The
real point is that | never ask YOU TO az
count to me, except in Il general sort OF
a way. for the money that you spend
But when / see you, as ! do see you all
the time, flinging money in every direc-
ton with both hands, and letting every
beery loafer that comes along gouge you
for
"How's that? You DO account to me
for every cent that you spend? oh, you
DO? Ha. ha! That's pretty good, Look
what says that il accounts to me for
every cent that it spends. Ha. ha. some
more, Fineslly, Er-when do You do that
accounting to me. by the way? Along
toward 3 or o'clock in the morning,
when I'm SO sound asleep that sixteen
inch gun fired al my ear wouidn I awaken
me? Maybe you account 10 me for the
money that you spend when | am under
the beWildering influence OF hasheesl. or
POPPY, or mandragora. or some other
drowsy strip of the orient east? Or per
haps YOU Just give me absent treatment.
as it were, in accounting To me- for the
coin hllat you're shedding around all the
time as if there was no end to 1t? Prob
ably you just project your astral body 10
nv office to do that accounting? You
ought to take inter or something TO re
duce the feverishness of that magma
ton of yours, Oh the level you ought to.
But. pshaw, What's the use? I'm just
wasting my breath talking to human
being provided with such an imagination
as you've got. Gimme some of that des-
sert dope whatever it is. I'm tired OK
being argufied with this way.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

his mistress. It's the invariable rule
when a cowardy dog once tumhles to
himself and finds out that he really is a
dog among dogs, he makes it his business
to show all the rest of the fellers living
within several blocks of him where he
stands. and when they give him what
coming to him and begin to treat him
with proper difference he settles down
to conservative life.
But the most unreasonable and pep
perry woman 1 ever had any dealings with
came back here after her Great Dane
about a fortnight ago The Great Dane
was a female. and had been in my keep
ing for several months. during her mis-
tress' absence from the city. During
that time an incident. generally alluded
to as an interesting occurrence, happen
ed in the life of the female Great Dane.
There were six OF the pups. and all
beauties. But one of them disappeared.
I knew what had become of that one.
The mistress came down with man
servant for her mother Great Dane and
family. She was delighted with the five
puppies.
There were just five, them she ask
ed me.
Il didn't see any particular reason for
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

he has been abandoned his existence be.
comes misery to him.
The fox terrier belonged to scientist
in the government employ, who went
to the southwest early in the summer
The fox terrier kept one ear stretched
all out of shape for a month or so, listen
ing for his masters returning footsteps.
Then he took to the dark corners of tine
place and waited for death. Life was no
good to him when he became convinced
that he'd been canned by his boss. AL
though l forced him to take liquid food
he became a skeleton from pure lone
someness. and he wasn't much more than
handful when ne passed the game up.
Il don't know whether I'm going to
have any left-behind dogs here this year
or not; but l hope not. l had two left
behinds last year. One of them died. and
had a hard time pulling the other one
through. The mistress of one of them was
killed in an automobile accident in the
west, and the man who owned the other
one died of consumption in Europe. Both
Of the dogs were experienced summer
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

is established and in one-the Agricu.-
tural Department-he is received with open
arms. made to feel quite at home and sent
on his way rejoicing. Whether this is be-
cause the officials of that department
realize it takes q pretty clever man to
tell the difference between crank and
a genius or whether there are other rea-
sons even more important is not revealed,
but the fact remains just the same.
1t wasn't very many days ago that a
tall. thin individual in a battered black
derby. threadbare coat and other gar
ments to match, stepped up to the watch
man at the main door of the Agricultural
Department and asked to be directed to
the Secretary. The Waterman glanced
obviously at big wooden box under the
visitors arm, looked the thin man over
carefully and shook his head
1.-The Secretary isn't in town." he said
at length, but maybe you can see some
body else if you'll tell me your business
The thin man seemed embarrassed and
shifted from one foot to the other be-
fore answering. Finally he screwed up
his courage blushed. fixed a rowing eye
on the ceiling and said hesitatingly, Its
about pigs"
whats about pigs?" asked the aston
ished Waterman.
what I wanted to see the Secretary
about" responded the visitor, still more
embarrassed. you see. out my way they
said I was crazy, and
oh said the watchman why didn't
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

most of them do, after opening tIeIr
houses and airing them, is to come and
get their(doss.
"A bit affecting, too, some Of the meet
ings between the dogs and their owners.
The seasoned. experienced dogs, that are
used to being left behind at a dog board
ing house while their folks are away, al
ways have a pretty good idea as to
when they're going to be reclaimed. I'm
not going so far as to say that they
know their peoples plans; but they sniff
the autumn season as soon as it gets
here. and they figure it out that they're
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

my way they said I was crazy" he whis-
pered to himself. Then he picked up the
model Of the Simonson improved Darwin
ian twentieth century clean pig sty and
remarked. still more hesitatingly: But
perhaps you have overlooked some of the
features of this invention. This is what
made my neighbors say l was crazy. You
see this here floor? Well. that's cement.
That prevents the pig from wallowing.
and this pool Of clean water In the corner
OF the sty keeps him cool. The pig Is
clean and comfortable at the same time'
and learns to hate the sight Of mud.
Again the scientist rose from his chair
and again he grasped the hand or MI
Simonson.
Permit me-" he said. "again to con-
graduate a thinker. You have the right
idea, Mr. Simonson. but you are too iate'
The shower bath has taken the place OF
the stationary tub in pig evolution. IL Is
cleaner and more sanitary and 1t teaches
the pig not too much OF good thing. III
the model sty Of the Agricultural Depart
ment every time the pig wants pain ne
stands under the shower and pushes an
electric button with his snout.'
Mr.. Simonson lapsed into a brown STUDY
and didn't come out OF 1t FOR ABOUT iiVe
minutes Then he shook hlmseH TO-
gether, wiped his brow with piue oan,
dana. laid aside the Simonson improves
Darwinian twentieth century cream pig
sty and said, still more diHdentiv: We
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

search OF recognition or perhaps the brlsk
and snappy days of this season are re-
spor sible. At any rate it has been proven
bT years of observation that the Capital
city in October and November is regu-
lar old-fashioned mecca for the opponents
of genius insanity. and sometimes. IN
Washington at least, it Is hard to dill
ferentate between them.
The watchmen at the doors of the va
rious government departments are on the
lookout all the year round for peculiar
looking citizens with wandering optics
and tangled vocabuaries. but they re-
double their vigilance about this time
AMI just along this line it is rather in
teresting to note the treatment the man
with a new idea is accorded In the va
rious government branches and bureaus.
In some he is received with courtesy. In
others he is treated as nuisance, IN
several he is elected as soon as his status
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

curiosity. where you picked UP that queer
bug notion. Money isn't easy To got
these days that it can he chucked at the
hllilloos. i have to keep pretty wide
awake every minute that I'm on my feet
to get what | get. Nobody comes along
and slips me anything. Nobody puts
anything into my hand. I have to whit
tie off what comes my way with a meat
AK. so to speak. l never picked up
cent of soft currency in my life. It's
grind. grind. grind, with me. and no let
up Ny LIES not worth much to me.
when it comes to that, solely because of
the struggled have TO put up to cop out
what l manage to get.
We'll. then, l hand nearly all Of II
along 20 you'll know that I'm bone
head for doing it. but. 7 say. I'm all
for a quiet life. and | merely conform To
the custom which American husbands are
expected to follow of stalking their wives
to every sou-marllee they can beg, Dor
row or steal-I pass nearly every cent
make. along to you, as | say. and then
YOU without ever giving so much as a
thought to the difficulty with which the
money has been got or gained, throw il
around in a shower for all the riffraff
and muckers on earth to make a grab for.
Didn't see you, when we were walk
turn back and walk fifteen or twenty feet
u slip d HUNK OF money TO a. TunfnnN WHO
was leaning against An area railing? I
don't know what you gave the souse, but
l spose it was half dollar or dollar.
or something like that, and the soak was
so picked then that he had all he could
do to hang onto the railing, and
'How's that? The man wasn't intoxi-
Gated at all, and he had the pallor OF
hunger. and you only gave him a dime
Huh. Great stuff, | s'pose the moon is
made of Fdam cheese, and the COW not
lion somersaults In pulling the stunt |
that habit Of yours of believing every
thing that YOU see and hear? Is there a
chance on earth that you'll ever
'How's that? You hate to pass by
poor-looking man on the street without
giving him anything. because that brother
of yours out west has had a lot of hard
luck. and you'd hate to think OF your
brother being hungry. and
Now, see here. please don't try TO
spin those sentimental slow-music NUM-
hers over on me. Please don't. It's too
diaphanoys. There's nothing in that
method. l don't know much about your
know any more about him, but my under
standing of the thing is that he hasn't
behaved himself and that he's taking the
consequences of his misbehavior, and
that's all there is to it. Hes He never
was drinking man, you say. and his
misfortupes are simply the result Of
But. here wait a minute. You're pretty
foxy, I'll grant you that. but frequently
you overdo your foxiness. We're not
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09
lean VAL JEANS AMONG CRIMINALS.

precept and example, shown himself to
be, and SO on: whole big lot like that.
The leading citizens of the county, hear
ing about it, druv up to the calaboose to
demand that the excellent citizen be re-
leased instanter. But the common-look-
ing secret service man with the maroon
mustache put up the ho!ler that some
of his mates would be arriving from New
York that evening to search the ptnched
ones cottage and that it would be rank
violation of United States law for the
village authorities to turn the man loose
until that searching end of 1t had peen
attended to.
We'll. four or five of the mean old
secret service providers got to the VIII
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

own folks better, naturally enough; we
all do, don't we?
X
"Since the beginning of the passing dog
boarding season three of my charges have
died on my hands. All three of them
mined out from inconsistencies. the thing
technically called, when applied to hu-
mans. nostalgia. Dogs. in my opinion.
suffer more acutely from homeslckness
than humans do. Small pet dogs, raised
and coddled and pampered by women
folks, are of course the commonest VIC
tins of dog nostalgia; but big outdoor
dogs go to their graves from 1t, too. one
of the dogs that | lost this summer from
inconsistencies was fine collie. lie was
owned from his puppyhood by a married
couple living out Chevy Chase way. HIS
mistress died last June and his master
Immediately closed up the home and went
ont west to his folks and left the collie
here with me.
..The collie was so far down in the
mouth. mourning for his dead mistress,
when he came here that L warned ms
master that he might not get through
his grief. When the dog master VIZ .he
off | could see plainly enough that the
dog had no further interest IN NE anu
didn't care to live any longer
Il couldn't get him TO even smell 1000,
and finally I had to feed him by force.
But it was no use. His heart was broken
and five weeks after he came mere he
turned up his paws and quit the game
without whine. A few weeks later the
widower got back from the west ana
came here for the dog, and he sure wa 5
a downhearted-lo looking man when L tolo
him that the collie was dead.
me next, and I wish I'd been the
first was all he said though. as he went
away
The other two dogs that died on my
hands from homesickness were a Japa-
nese spaniel and a fox terrier. The Jap
dog belonged to a lady who left him here
in May before starting on a tour of Eu-
rope She knew what a job it is for
tourists to get dog into England, and
so she had TO leave her dog behind. She
came down here and spent half a day
with him before she went to New York
to take the steamer. She left me type
written list of instructions as long rs a
litany as to the care of the dog.
lust thirteen days after she went
away though, the poor little beggar
curled up and chucked 1t. During all of
the time before he died he Just lay and
moaned and whimpered with his head
between mis- paws The big. seasoned
dogs used to the dog boarding game,
tried to comfort the little chap and Jolly
him into cheerfulness, but Ii was no go.
The Jap dog felt that his mistress had
given him the shake. and when sensi-
tive dog gets the idea into his head that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

got another idea I'd like to tell you about.
Ny neighbors said / was crazy. but
Proceed. Mr. Simonson," said the scien-
tist with dignity. 1.-THE views Of thinker
are always heard with interest in this de-
partment."
The man from Ioway was encouraged.
Well" he said, Il guess you know all
about grasshoppers. They come around
every few years in swarms. and they are
terrible. They destroy the crops. the
orchards. the grass. They mean bank
ruptcy to the farmer. l have invented a
grass hopper and locust destroyer. | catch
a few Of the insects and inoculate them
with the 'Smonson Patent Lightning Bug
Plague and let them so. The plague does
the rest Compared to it, Asiatic cholera
is as the mumps or the chicken poX.
Twenty-four hours after incubation there
isn't an insect left alive within miles. My
neighbors said | was crazy. What do
you"
Think of it, cried the scientist. rising
from his seat and grasping Mr.. Simonson
Your neighbors are unenlightened. But l
regret to say-for you are a thinker and d
scientist Mr.. Simonson. that you are too
late. For the past year the department
has been sending to farmers in the af-
ficted sections, tubes of gelatine con-
tanning cultures of our new insect cpl
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09
The Unpublished Banker.

FREDERlck , TOWNSEND VI MAR MaRT Ms
Allister's more than adequate successor III
New York society scrupulously observes
the elegances of social usage. He is apt 10
visit his displeasure on such as are guilty
of solecisms or gaucheries.
The sneaker New York club man,
laughed heartily. then resumed:
Mr. Martin was one day writing letters
in the club library when a banker seated
near him. gave loud sneeZe. Mr.. Martin
started and frowned.
1.-The banker sneeZed again. Mr.. Mar
tin started.
when the banker sneezed third time.
Mr. Martin called in loud voice to
waiter:
Waiter. bring me umbrella. can
stand this no lonSer-'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09
demic Its principles are the same As
yours. Again congratulate YOU

Mr.. Simonson gasped and gazed at the
scientist with something very like fear
in his eyes. The model OF the Simonson
improved. etc. sty fell to the floor with
a bang. but he didn't seem to notice. FL
naliy he looked away ard said. huskiy
and hestatingy, i've got another idea.
Ny neighbors said | was terribly crazy.
and they tried 20 have me sent to a luna
tic asylum Its lemonade orchard.
You plant lemon trees and when they are
young cross them with sugar cane. RY
the same methods utilized in rubber for
ests il will be possible when the trees
reach maturity TO draw off lemonade,
thus doing away with thu
The scientist jumped from his chair and
2rasped the hand or the visitor from
Ioway. My dear Mr.. Smonson." he
said with enthusiasm. II congratulate
you. 1t is indeed a pleasure to meet a
thinker. But | very much regret that you
are too la
But Mr.. Simonson wrenChed away his
hand. gave the Simonson improved OAR
winian twentieth century clean pig sty
a kick that smashed it into million bits
threw the bottle of lightning bug plague
out of the window, and dashed into the
corridor. And he was heard to mutter as
he passed the Waterman at the door with
bullying eyes and fiuttering coat tails. by
gosh, he's a lot craZier than I am
IRVING &. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

er in Chi, with a mob of his own, and
nary a skate to Joliet vet. either.
1--WE seen this Jean Vatican thing flat
ten out something scandalOus There was
one of those maybe-Jean Valjeans up this
state few years ago whose tumble off
that pedestal was something sudden and
surprising.
This one was a lank, parson-looking
phony-currency duck, who'd done several
bits in several stirs for etching up and
passing the imitation silk-threaded docu-
ments that had lot of'the real tang and
feel to them-in fact, his twenty dollar
gold certificate was a thing that made
even the subtreasury folks put their Cog
giles on.
when this one got out OF the sing
twice dump on the Hudson the last time.
less than half dozen years ago, he gave
it out to all hands of the fly cops that
he met down here in New York that it
sure was going to be him for the probity
and rectitude thing, and he even called
folks here and told em that the Cod
fearing life was to be the only one to
shown on his course from then on, and
that there was no more chance that he'd
ever again try to fix up the maybe ne
gotiable papers than that he'd run for
president of Paraguay.
a.: -
"All of that, of course. made the hor-
rid mean things of secret service folks
laugh right out loud. the coarse crea-
lures; but the engraver OF the phony stuff
only sta1ed them to the sad and sweet
gaze and told them that he meant it all,
plus.
We'll soon aften that he vamped to
little town about hundred miles up the
state, rented himself a cute little cot
tage on the outskirts of the village, with
honeysuckle vines and other stage props
draped around it. benevolently took an
old woman out of the county poorhouse
to keep house for him, took on at the
nice little messy church down on Main
street. hened for the job of assistant road
supervisor and got it, nooched around
and sat on the front porches with the old
boys tand listened to 'em talk about the
Mohawk war and all such like, just as
nice and cunnin' as anything you ever
heard ofaIa all .ydur bawn days.
: ssIfe 4iet a pair Of grizzled Burnsides
pop out of his iowls to give the gag
tone. was there with the da -da and
goin' -bye-bye stuff when he passed the
village babies being wheeled by their
that, was ever turned out of hockey
pokey wagon wouldn't have melted In his
pious chops, take 1t from me.
However. came a restful afternoon
when a lOE-brOWed secret service man
with vulgar red mustache dropped into
the hamlet with some gummy papers, the
which required him to take a-hold of the
Burnsided boy and. remove him down this
way to be looked over. The secret service
man took his captive on his honeysuckle-
shrouded porch and trudged him to the
village hooshgow or calabOose; and then
the world began to rock around that
secret service mans ears.
by that I mean to say that the hull
village rose at him, so 1t did. b'gosh. the
weekly paper, out that day. got out a
wuxtry with front page all cluttered
I'D with double-leaded junk about the out
rage that bad been perpetrated upon one
of the towns best citizens; newcomer,
it was true, but man who had, by ms