Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-25
y I'm Untl11ng Mother

ed herself with a supreme effort. Twas
nothing moved.
why, what's the matter? Are you III!
Now, my dear. IL you're ill"
NO, no, only tired. mapping. Please
1T would seem as IL you might keep
yourself more rested and cheer full for our
sakes. Mapping at suppertime"
II sha'n't want any supper. Please
don't fuss over me. or bother in any
way. Oh. I can't stand anything more.
Go, go away and leave me-slone-to
rest"
'Oh, very WE'LL very 'well! F1h shrug-
ged his shoulders and went.
AS she lay the day dimmed before a
spreading shadow. How cold she was!
And now she could no longer refuse 20
hear the labor Of her heart. Each pulse
was a long, slow effort. Below the sup
per bell rang. Through her open door
the light and sound came up to her.
Eddie was already in his place: Roger
took his at once. We'll, well" impatient
Iy. where is Isobel?'' The hurry of feet
and skirts on the START came just as
soon as 1 could" Howard came when
he was ready: in a silence that oppressed
had tangled.
Her minds eye, travelling around, took
in every member Of tho group-in actual
misunderstanding, suddenly. finger OF
light. a searchlight, that pointed to each
and moved on, pointed. and in its momen-
tary glare she say each naked soul-saw
with horror, reputation, stunned recogni-
ton, Eddie null, flaccid, not a child but
@l,s1
oped, unawakened. offering few signs.
either good or bad, for prophecy; Roger.
dried and shrfveled kernel, within an ossi-
fled shell of self: Howard, a man. indeed.
not pauperized like thel others. but strong.
through what warpings and differing an
tagonism,
She thought cuuiously of the tiny Cruel
fixion by Durer, within the narrow COM
pass of which Christ hung uplifted. alone.
in the chill of gray desolation.
But the finger of light! 1t was pointed.
answering. at her own empty chair;
pointing, yet the chair was in shadow.
She made a movement to brush the
shadow aside. and discovered that she,
herself, cast it. Wheeling, she caught the
light full in the eyes: and, blinded, para
lyzed with scenes, expressions. phrases.
flashing before her like colored fire, she
dropped back into her seat and was look
ing down at herself below, she had
looked at the others. at her own naked
soul; her soul-a single virtue so monstrous
it had become a deformity. a parasite
preyins on herself, her cause and them:
an unconscious hypocrite OF remuneration
actuated by its own nervous energy and
vanity, greedy. of unselfshness. She, the
sacrifice? Why, this soft, clinging. pallid
soul Of hers was celestial vampire, suck
ing the life-blood of those she claimed TO
love and serve. sapping their virtue in
it's deep original sense.
In that instant of illumination she saw
all.
Then it went out like a magic lantern
shde. The dual identity telescoped. She
was lying the bed, and she realized
everything. even the cold shadow. She
felt her blood. like receding tide, each
wave Of reaction smaller and feebler than
the last.
But 1t was not Of herself that she
thought; not that she had brought her
self, so, to death: not that it was death:
not even that in saving her own soul
she had lost it. Her whole honest and
habituated self concentrated into one point
of agony. Yes. she had helped-to make
them what they were. She had ruined
them. That in so doing she had ruined
herself did not concern her. either.
eXtentuating circumstance She-had
runed-them.
And she saw 1t now, too late.
Howard glanced at the empty chair as
lie sat down. Presently he asked.
Where's mother?''
Not coming down to supper
Mother? Not coming down to supper"'
Said she was tired.
Howard picked up his glass and set 1t
down.
Sent anything up to herr"
"She wanted nothing l tell you but
to be let alone
Howard put his fork in his salad
Mayonnaise, today: Couldn't she under
stand? And too tired to come down to
supper! But-mother too tired to be at
her post? He started up
Howard. let your mother alone, say.
You know it's no use arguing with her.
She will have her own way. She'll let no
one do anything for her. Howard!
But Howard was gone.
1t seemed almost simultaneously that
they heard him coming back down the
stairs. IHere was something OmlnOuS
in his silence and speed
"Isobel, fill some hot-water bottles.
quick!'
'Why-why. Howard, what"
Fill some hot-water bags, quick"
He was making for the sideboard.
Eddie, utterly limp in his chair, began
to whimper.
The liquor cupboard was locked. How
, ard wrenched and gouged at it. "Oh.
nothing (Jab) Don't disturb yourself"
Blow "She's only-dying.''
, Roger turned and ran up the stairs.
Agnes! Agnes, Agnes From the bed
, a faint muscular response. 'Oh, my
God. Agnes!'
Two hands fell on his shoulders. How
ard had not followed, he was there. He
:. wheeled his father and pushed him out.
, Go, go. go out of the house." He was as
quiet and irresistible as compressed air.
Isobel remembered the hot-water bags.
She scalded her hand. She filled one so
full 1t burst. Her teeth chartered. Her
knees quivered. She could hardly get up
/ stairs.
, TOO hot Well. wrap them In bath
towels then. And watch them. he