East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-01-05

Plutoc-ratS ana Otner Nerulln,
Undesirable, predaceous
Citizens and Male-e-factors,
And Just raisin' hel-lin- general;
In this wigwam dwells a chief-tain,
Wide of grin. of teeth almighty,
In this tee-pee roosts a war-lord,
Given DER to much chin-music,
With a tongue that's hitched amid
ships,
Wagging fore and aft and sideways,
To the windward and the leeward,
Up and down and in and outward.
Loaded to the muzzle is he
With high powered conversation,
With the gift o'gab most Cabling;
And when nothing else is doing,
Or the time hangs somewhat heavy.
At half-cock he shoots his mouth off,
For alas, no notch called safety"
Makes him wait till aim is taken,
So it goes off prematurely,
When he breathes on the hair trigger0
shoots it at his wondering tribesmen,
Bids us join in emulation
OF the fecund, fertile rabbit,
Molly Cottontail. the bunny.
Then he clubs the corporations,
With his stuffed club, Billy Bladder,
Lams the lining out of credit.
Hands to Confidence a hot one,
Knocks the socks from fourteen billion
Tainted ducats and si-mol-eons,
Talking ever through his scalp-lock,
Handing out his CUFF in bunches,
Scares to death most everybody,
Doesn't do a thing to business,
Jumps upon the Solar PleXus ...
OF the golden ovum gOsling,
Till his crazed tribe, panic-stricken.
Stunned with words and wind and
gabble,
Hide their store of shells and wam-
pum
Hide their yellow boys and green
backs
In their moccasins ana stockings,
Once upon these shells ana wampum,
Used by all the tribes for money.
Yap-a-hoo-tee found a motto
Telling of a God to trust in.
Yappy talked that motto silly,
Talked it deaf and dumb and batty.
Till the words. by words affrighted
Fade into the great Skiddooward
Where is nothingness forever.
Then he shrieked with war-hoop
mighty
Trust in Me, o men and maidens,
Braves and squaws and all papooses.
Put your trust in Yapa-hOO-tee;
He's the first, last, Hot-to-ma-lee,
He's the only pure tin Goblet,
Here's your motto Trust in Yap-
py.'"
See him leaning on his clublet,
On his spear that knows no brother;
At his feet his faithful dachshund,
BY his side his thrones successor,
Good old Gad-a-about, the Fat One.
What is that, the thunder roaring
Nay, tbs only Yap-a-hoo-tee,
Just our Yap soliloquizing,
In the highways and the hedges,
In the forest and the meadows,
In the wickiups and lodges
Harken 10 his windy mouthings,
About everything and nothing,
Till somebody disagreelng
With his wild and woody statements,
Wakes his wrath, and loud he splut-
ters
Liar, liar, liar, liar,
Ananias, Judas, Jael,
Frail and foul prevaricator,
Falsehood maker and retailer,
Know that 1 alone am truthful,
Since that other perfect mortal,
Who was e'enmost my equal,
Chopped a tree with childish hatchet,
And cried: Pepper, Franklin done
it,"
Hear the song Of Yap-a-hOo-tee,
Song Of battle and of buncombe.
Song of cayuseless cowboy
Suffering with paranoia:
"Once | was alone i'm Cuba,
And 1 fought my way unhndered
Up the bloodless H!ll of Kettle
10 imaginary trencneS
And suppostitious foemen,
Facing fierce, fictitious bullets,
Daring non-est bursting shrapnel,
Through a hazy dream of carnage
Reached the top, where never Span
lard
Cooked cannon or a Mauser,
Since this globe first started twirllng."
"Yet, ! seemed to see a dago,
And somehow seemed to shoot him
In the back as he was fleeing
From my dental exhibition;
And false, perjured' ghoul-like
Clarence
Guessed that he had shot another
Then wandered in the twilight
To San Juan, and howled and hol- !
Tered,
And sent off some press dispatches,
Next / blew my breath out strongly,
While my tongue went wlggle- waggle. |
While my goose quill writ round
robins
TIL the foe in Santiago
Crossed himself, and said:
Hail Mary |
This Is not a Common Wndstorm,
'Tis more like a hot air-roc-co,
sac-ra- -mento, Sol-fer-ino,
Hi, Cos-pet-tO! Dam the Gringo!
We would better far surrender