davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
LOOKING Briahter.

Things are looking brighter now
says Billville citizen. THE sheriff
is now my brother-in-law, and he won't
levy on my crop; the town doctor
boards with me, and doesn't charge a
cent for tellin' me that If | don't quit
eatin' six meals day I'll not live to
be hundred, and last of all, the head
undertaken is my best friend, and has
promised to fix me finally.
81 feel that l don't half deserve
so many blessings, but I've got 'em
and I'm going to hold on to them
Atlanta Constitution.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Not a Safe Man.

Fred Tenney, of the New York
baseball Team. is something Of a
scholar.
/. Bugs" Raymond, who puts them
over the plate (sometimes) for the
Giants, is not. The two players were
discussing a former successful play
er who had taken to drink.
why" said Tenney, that man has
become a dipsomaniac."
Sure" replied Raymond, he'd
shoot you in minute. Success
Magazine.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Fish Flew In His Boat.

A. Paladini, the local fish merchant,
the other day exhibited flying fish
which had been brought in by his fish
ing steamer, the Henrietta.
Flying fish are numerous in the wa
ters of southern California, but they
are rarely seen in this vicinity. While
the Henrietta was steaming along
about FIVE miles beyond the Far
allones the fish flew upon the deck
and Capt. Alexander brought it into
port. 1t is foot long and weights
nearly two pounds.-San Francisco
Call
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Lost In Antiquity.

A little fellow who had just felt the
hard side of the slipper turned to
his mother for consolation.
Mother" he asked, ibid grandpa
thrash father when he was a little
boy?"
"Yes," answered his mother, i'm
pressively.
And did his father thrash him
when he was little?"
yes"
And did his father thrash him?''
yes"
A pause.
We'll, who started this thing, any.
way?"-Cassell's Saturday Journal.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11

carriage. Get to the hospital as quick
as you can"
The horses were dashed into a gal
lop and the wife of the dying man
watched at the curb until the carriage
was out of sight.
A few minutes before nine O'Clock,
the vehicle dashed up in frolt of the
hospital. One of Kosharwsky's friends
leaped out and ran into the receiving
office. He told the clerk that there
was a man outside in a carriage who
needed an immediate operation.
One of the staff of surgeons went
out to the vehicle and on examining
the mans pulse found that he was
dead.
The man is dead" exclaimed the
doctor. I'VE had better notify the
police"
Refusing to believe the medical
mans word. the carriage with its dead
occupant was driven to the Hahne.
mann Medical college, about block
away. Here DR.. MacLean made an ex-
animation and for the second time
the man was pronounced dead
Half an hour later the carriage with
the corpse in it stopped in front of
the Maxwell street police station, just
one block from where Kosharwsky
lived. The four men who had ridden
with him in the race of death went
into the station and reported the mat
ter to Sergeant Mcclellan The body
was then taken to the home of the de-
cedent
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
PRESENTED WITH A BIRTHDAY
Henceforth John Pruitt viii Celebrate
Natal Day with Others on the
Glorious Fourth.

II Isn't everybody who can give a
birthday present like William E. Bern.
er gave to John Pruitt, colored, a
couple OF days ago.
Berner is the marriage license clerk
at the county clerks Office, and as
such he encounters all kinds of queer
situations. The other day Pruitt came
in to get license to wed Eliza Gin.
kenbeard. Before license can be
procured nowadays one must answer
in writing all kinds of foolish CUES.
tions, among them being the date OF
birth.
Pruitt scratched his head when
asked his natal day. Fact is. All
don't know" he said.
Don't know how old you are? Ber-
ner asked.
mot for sure. Somewheres near
40. guess"
Haven't you a birthday"
Never had birthday"
well, I'll make you present Of 6
birthday right now" said Berner
Everybody should have birthday
You are 40 years old and you were
born on the Fourth of July" Ant
Berner wrote 1t down on the marriage
license papers that way.
"Now, remember" said Bernel
when Pruitt started to leave. "Yol
were born on the Fourth of July ant
you mustn't forget to celebrate you
birthday when it comes around"
IT won't" said Pruitt, highl!
pleased.-Indianapo News.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
He caught a little cold
That was ALL (Puck)

Neglect of a cough or cold often
leads to serious trouble. To break up
a cold in twenty-four hours and cure
any cough that is durable mix two
ounces of Glycerine. a half-ounce Of
Virgin Oil of Pine compound pure and
eight ounces of pure Whisky Take a
teaspoonful every four hours. You can
buy these at any good drug store and
easily mix them in large bottle.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Near Death In the Desert.

San Bernardino, Cal.-V'ith vi.
cious burro tearing at a jagged
wound in his leg for blood with which
to moisten its parched throat, Jacob
George, an old prospector of the Mo
jave desert, was found unconscious
and near death by party of miners
returning from the furnace regions"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Too Loud.

Jack-Say, Tom, will you do me a
favor?
Tom-Anything in reason, old man,
Jack-Then kindly leave your
trousers out in the hall tonight.
Tom-The idea! What do you
want me to do that for?
Jack-lhe pattern Is so loud they
will keep me awake.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
All Profit.

Young Binks is running a profit
able hennery Of thoroughbreds on his
million dollar farm"
1907"
Eyes. He has the feed charged to
his father their housekeeper buys the
eggs at fancy price for the Binks
table, and young Binks is the biggest
egg consumer In the family.-Judge.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
The other sort.

Tom-There goes Roxham. Every
time think of that mans financial
embarrassment 1t makes me yearn to
help him.
pick-Einancial embarrassment?
Tom-Yes. He's got so much money
he doesn't know what to do with 1t.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
His Little Deal.

"Ha hal" exclaimed the summer
boarder. You actually bought a
gold brick?'
Yes" answered the farmer as he
took the specimen tenderly and laid
1t on the mantelshelf. "All the city
folks That come here expected to see
one. 1t seemed like they wouIdn',
believe l was a regular farmer un
less l could show gold brick. Sc
when I went to town and this was
offered me 1 give the fellow 500 II
confederate money and a Canadian
quarter which is cheaper than
could have made one myself"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Sat On.

Boarding Mistress-Is there any
thing wrong with that egg, Mr..
Fourper? l see you according 1t q
very critical examination.
Mr.. Fourper-Oh, not anything
wrong with the egg, Mrs. Shimpen, I
was just looking for the wisnbone
that's all.-Tit-Bits
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Brought Their Relations.

Small Nettie, seeing some large in
sects on the back porch, asked what
they were, and was told that they were
ants. The next morning she discov-
cred a number of small ants among
the large ones, and exclaimed: "Oh,
mamma, the aunts have bringed their
little nieces with them to-day!"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
rTwixt Love and Duty.

George Vincent of Chatauqua fame
has this explanation of the delay in
passing the tariff bill.
Congress" he said, was trying
to make up it's mind whether to do
its duty by the country or to do the
country BY its duty. Success Mag
aZfna
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
The Brute,

Wife-That vicious dog next doc:
bit mother again this morning, an6
I'D like to know what you're going to
do about It?
Husband-I'll ask him how much
he wants for the dog!
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
HoW's This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case OF Catarrh that cannot be cured by Halls
Catarrh Cure.
FL. CHENEY Il CO.. Toledo. o.
We the undersigned have known +. j. Cheney
for the last 10 years. and believe him perfectly hon
orable IN all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his firm.
wALDINa. KINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists Toledo. O.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces OF the
system Testimonials sent free. Price rs cents PEE
bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
rhe LaYlna on of Hands.

81 don't believe in these faith cures
brought about by the laying on OF
hands" remarked one woman to an
other.
"Well, I do" rejoined the other. II
cured my little boy of the cigarette
habit that way!"-Phialdelphia En-
Quirer.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Absent Minded.

"Wilkins is the most absent minded
cuss ever met"
How so?"
'Why, the last time he got into the
BARRIERS chair he pinned the newspa
per around his neck and began to resA
tha lowell
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
For Consideration.

All pertinent facts must be consid
cred when you are dealing with the
great problem of prosperity. Would
you put the plus or minus sign before
the item that the county Jail has a
great falling off in Electromagnetic
troit Free Press.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Makes a Difference.

what did you say last night when
Jack asAe. you to marry m?
II shook my head?"
sideways or up and downr-Bos
ton Transcript.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11

Host "a musician, who is enter,
tanning a country friend. Would
you like a sonata before dinner?
Friend-Well, / don't mind. l had
two on my way here, but I can
stand another.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
A LITTLE COLD.

He caught little cold
That was all.
SO the neighbors sadly said
AS they gathered round his bed,
When they heard that he was dead.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11

DON'T NEGLECT THAT COUGH
II certainly racks your system and may run into
something serious. Aliens Lung Balsam will check
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
Refinement Of Cruelty.

"That was a fierce punishment
Swift got for overspeeding and not
paying his fine"
what did they do to him?"
"The prison yard was being repaved
and they put Swift on as driver of
the steam roller" -Boston Transcript.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11

He that does base thing in zeal
for his friend burns the golden thread
that ties their hearts together.
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11
JUST so.

Your majesty, there's a creditor
without"
LET him go without"
The Spanish Fork press. [volume] (Spanish Fork, Utah) 1902-current, 1909-11-11

Reconstruction is the thief of many
a good time.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27
OUT ON Ball.,
Strange Things to Which Running
Over a Cow May Lead.
BY HELEN MARSDEN QUINN.

Copyright 1909, by Associated Literary
Press.l
Tin going to fall in love with that
girlr
1t was at New England summer re-
sort, and that young man from Bos-
ton" had been there less than an hour
when he had his first view of Miss
Minnie Iiaddon. Young men from
New York and other places had ar
rived week ahead of him and uttered
the same words. but as Paul Dillon
didn't know it he was not diSmayed.
To fall in love properly with the
handSomest girl at Il summer resort
there should be Il formal introduction,
and formal Introduction may be hard
to achieve under certain circumstances
There must be Il mutual acquaintance
tn bring it about Miss Haddons
l.iDfher was widow and an invalid
AID kept to herself most of the time.
Paul Dillon looked the crowd over
twiCr day for sight Of faces he knew,
but looked in vain. -Four days passed,
and the hotel did not take fire. the
mountain behind il did not slide down,
and there was no strike of walters to
give him an opportunity to play the
hero and present his card. Then he
decided to take Il spin in the auto
which had been shipped up to him.
When undecided what to do in
case of love, trust to the auto. 1t has
hundred possibilities.
Dir. Dillon had driven fifteen miles
and stopped at hotel t. refresh him.
self. when he was pleased and sur
prlsed TO see Miss Haddon and an
other young woman drive up in an
other auto They had followed him
from the hotel. They alighted and dis
appeared. By Indirect Information he
learned that Miss uaddon had brought
back the other young lady to her ho-
tel and was to make the return trip
in care Of the chauffeur.
il the course Of an hour Miss Had
don reappearcd and after thirty or
forty goodhys 10 her girl friends took
scat in the tOnncau and moved off.
Three minutes later Mr.. Dillon was
travelling the same road. All went
well for five miles. He vas follow
any so closely thai be could see that
the other machine was holding any
th@g bat Il STRAIGHT course. There
were wabh'os to RIGHT and left to sig
nj Y that that Tract on iutpnNpronca
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

right to Jail. Why. man. killing a COW
is next door to killing IL human being.
Can't you realize it,"
But. YOU see, we are stopping at
the Elms hotel, and the young lady
is anxious to get back to her mother
II | pay the damages you can take
the bail on the speeding case, can't
you:"
The constable thought the case over
and decided to take bail. When Mr..
Dillon pulled out his purse to pay the
$50 he received shock. -Four dol
lars was all he had with him. The
weeping and muttcring chauffeur was
searched, but he had less than a dol
lar. Blushing and stammering and
perturbed. the young man called upon
Miss Haddon for a cash loan. She had
only 50.
II hate to take you to jail" said
the constable when informed of how
things were. 81 guess your watch and
pin will be enough to secure every
thing. You've got to come back in a
week, though. to face the squire"
The things We're handed over. the
fuddled chauffeur loaded in like IA bag
Of sand and the smashed auto left
ito be called for Then the other
auto headed for the hotel. In the eX-
citement Of the hour neither of the
principals had thought Of names. 1t
was only as they were rolling smooth
ly along at not too fast il gait that
the error was repaired. Then silence
lasting five long minutes ensued. Then
two peals of laughter broke from two
pairs of lips in chorus. The whole
thing was grimly ludcrous.
"And how did you raise the $50 and
the bai:" asked the girl.
"The constable has my watch and
pin"
"And won't we have to go to jail:'
81 think not. but we are prisoners in
sense. If you fly the country you
will leave me in bad fix"
OF course the mother thanked Mr.
Dillon, and of course Mr. Dillon thank
ed his stars and pushed his luck. Once
always and sometimes twice day
that couple had to ride out TO see
about bail; they had to wander about
the grounds evenings; they had to sit
in grottoes and beside Waterfalls
After a month had passed Mr.. Dillon
begged the mother to let him be
bondsman to the daughter for life.
Dear me" said the mother, but
what strange things running over
COW may lead to. Don't let Minnie do
it again."
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

uclIl increased his speed. ana Il COW
suGdcny started to cross the highway
in front of farmhouse.
The best mechanical engineer could
not have planned things better. There
was Il whoop. Il scream and Il smash,
and then an auto brought up against
rail fence and sent the splinters fly
ing.
Fate was with the young man from
Boston. He stopped his machine and
lcaped out and over the dead COW and
the unconscious chauffeur lying on his
back. and his strong arms were extend
Cd to the half faintins girl in the ton
neau. She fell into them just as the
farmer came from the house with Il
milk pail in his hand and cried out:
Now. by crickety. but this is nice
state Of affairs, amt it! What in
Jericho have you folks been DOING"
This auto struck your cow" brief
~ explained Mr.. Dillon as he placed
the girl Oh her lcet on the ground.
Struck my COW. Why. it's killed
her rs dead as a doornail. BY gum,
but you've got yourselves into nice
scrape Yes. sir: gone and killed my
COW and smashed my fence. and the
two things together will send you to
jail for ut least thirty days"
I'VE shall pay all damages. of course.
Please let this young lady go to the
house She isn't hurt. | hope. but the
accident has shaken her up"
ooh, she can go to the house. Look
at that COW lying there. Only seven
years old and giving ten quarts Of
milk day. Worth $50 Of any mans
money. It's serious job, my friend"
Miss HaddOn was assisted to the
house where the farmers wife receiv-
ed her, and then Mr.. Dillon returned
to ii" chauffeur. He had been flung
our. bot these highballs had saved him
from serious injury. He was more
intoxicated than hurt and. after being
proppnd up against the fence. pro-
ceedcd to indulge in Il good. long cry.
When finally at liberty Mr.. Dillon
turned to the farmer and said
Il am now ready to talk with you"
Yes. there's got to be some tremen-
dous talking over this thing. In the
first place. I'm Il constable, and it's my
business to arrest somebody for speed
ing. If that machine hadn't been 60
Ing thirty miles an hour the COW could
have lodged it. I've been throwing
stones and clubs at her ever since she
was a calf. and she's lodged 'em all.
It's speeding and killing a COW and
smashing II fence all in one, to say
nothing of the shock to my feelings"
I'VE are very sorry. of course" an
sWered Mr.. Dillon. "If you will figure
up the damages l will pay"
"Waal, We'll call the COW $50 and
the fence about 81. AS for the speed
ing. you'll have to be taken before
Squire Johnson. He lives six miles
away, but IS off on a visit to his brother
in New Jersey JUST now. and I can't
say when he'll be home"
But we can't fool around"
Cant YOU? WAL | guess you'll
have to. When you're talking to me
you're talking to the law. could
hnndcuff the three Of Won and take Won
auN
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27
GETTING the Most Out of Life.

Make yourselves nests of pleasant
thoughts None of us yet know, for
none of us have been taught in early
youth what fairy places we may build
of beautiful thought. proof against
all adversity-bright fancies. satisfied
memories. noble histories faithful say
ings. treasure houses of precious and
restful thoughts, which care cannot
disturb nor pain make gloomy nor
poverty take away from us-houses
built without bands for our souls to
live in.-Jehn Ruskin.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27
FIRE ALARM BOXES.

No. "4-North Aberdeen.
No. "5-B and Cleveland Avenue.
No. "6--City Hall.
No. s7-High School Building.
No. 8-F and River Street
No. "9-K and Hume Streets.
No. 15-Benn and East Heron st.
No. 17-Harbor and East Heron.
No. 19-Second and North Aber-
deem Bridge.
No. 21-Market and F Street.
No. 23-American Mill.
No. 24-Wishkah and G Streets.
No. 25-Heron and = Streets.
No. 27-Fourth and G Street.
No. 31-Market and M Street.
No. 32-Hume and H Street.
No. 35-Anderson and Middleton
Mill.
No. 37-Broadway and Heron St.
No. 3S-Broadway and Third St.
No. 39-Broadway and Sixth St.
No. 42-Hart-Wood Mill.
No. 4s-Heron & Michigan Ave.
No. 45-Western Cooperage.
No. <7-Hume and Washington.
No. 49-Market and Washington.
No. 61-Curtis and Clark Street.
No. 52-Curtis and Evans st.
No. 53-Curtis and Front st.
Boxes marked with an &c" are I'M
ginary.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

picturesque having with
The
The entrance is through m door
the library
is
o by
including plumbing heatn
ALBERT E.. DAVIS,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

The owner Of such a fowl may
point with pride" to his crowless
rooster, but as to his eggless hens,
that's another story,
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

With all sorts of freaks doing antics
right in the limelicht it seems a waste
Of day and the price to go to cir
Gus.
Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1909-09-27

Commercial Job Printing at mod
crate prices. at the Herald Printery,
40S East Wishkah Street.
d1Hs:fSl@
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-13

En- esta Imprenta Sc veden
papel de periodicos viejos a
50 quintal.
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-13
Ell Buen Humor
FL Estornago.


Es un hecho reconocido que, cor
un est6mago malo no hay felieidad
no hay buen humor Muchos hon
bres, (y algunas mujeres), no sole
pierden el humor, cuando el este
mago esta de malas, sino que basta
la misma humanidad, es decir, que
casi dejan de ser humanos. Y ia
cilmente adquieren ell titulo perma
nente de "personas de NAL genio"
Otro hecho es q. esas m ismas perso
mas sufren de verdaderos tormentos
por la irritacion que las acosa, y que
les hace estar de malas con el resto
de la humanidad. A tales personals
dirijimos unas palabrassde consejo,
de positive beneficio y absolutamen
te gratis.
Cultfvese el habito de la sonrisa
aunque al principle cueste trabajo
Ocupar la mente en- cosas agradables
particularmente en- las comidas; 10
cual ayuda la digestion. Conner muy
despacio Y masticar cada bocado
hasta Ia eNageraci6n. No beber NADIA
durante la comida Evitar golosinas
grasas, frituras y demas que prohibe
el sentido comun. Hacer moderado
ejercicio durante ell dia Moderation
en- todo. Y no con vertir est6mago
en- un almacen de drogas.
Este simple tratamiento debiera
de bastar en- los mas de los casos.
Cuando no baste es porque no hay
fuerza digestiva suficiente, y esta
no Sc adquiere con digestiros, sino
con algo que tortalezca Ell estdmdgo.
Para este tomense las pildoras del
DR.. Williams, tonico eXcelente para
tai proposito, del cual Sc han publ
cado cientas de cartas como esta:
"Certifico que me he curado con las
Pildoras del DR.. Williams, Gle un NAL
de estomago que habia sufrido des
de el ano 1905. el cual me habia te
nido casi en- el desespero, pues habia
tenido tratamientos de diversas ella
ses y pasado epoeas de no poder co
mer casi NADIA; todo Sc me indig4sta
ba y era un continue martirio. Aho
ra puedo conner cast de todo V evi
tando imprudencias estoy siempre
bien, con buen apetito Y excelente
digestion. Estas pfldoras son una
gran medicina y las recomiendo con
entusiasmo' (Del Sr. Andres Con
zalez Vega, hacendado agricultor en-
Palmarito del Cauto, Prov. Santa
go, Cuba.
Todas las boticas Gle Importance
venden las pildoras Rosadas del DIR.
WILLIAMS. No Sc acepten susti
tutos.