davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
CALIFORNIAN MAKES BIG
SUM ON DRY" HOMESTEAD
Land Bought for $500 Brings
$4,000 When Watered
ISpecio[ Disootch TO The Call

TACOMA, Jan. S.-While teaching
school at Yakima City a few years ago
Charles n. Stahl, now resident of
BrawIey, Cal, saved 5000 and bought
$50 acres of dry" land near Mabton
from a homesteader. who had decided
that the land was worthless. Yester-
Alexander Miller of North Yakima for
$4,000, a profit of S15,S00 on the orig
inal Investment. The building of the
Mabton siphon by the reclamation
service makes the land irrigable and
of value
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
MADDEN GETs DECIsION

NEW YORK. Jan. S.-Before the big
gest crowd that has attended a boxing
match since the resumption of the
sport here Tommy Murphy outpointed
Frank G. Madden, both of New York,
in a 10 round bout at the National
sporting club of America tonight. The
men met at 1873 pounds.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
Soldiers Hold Up Butcher

L. II. Butcher, a butcher at Fillmore
and Greenwich streets. while driving
along Bay street about o'clock yes
terday morning in westerly direction
from the fish market was ordered to
stop at Montgomery avenue by two
soldiers who stepped out from the side
walk to the middle of the road. Butcher
whipped up his horse and one of the
soldiers fired shot after him, the
bullet whistling past his head.
During the roundup of soldiers early
yesterday morning Sergeant Matheson
found Richard O'Connor, soldier, in
Washington street near Kearny. When
searched OConnor had a blackjack in
his pocket.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
BREAKS JAIL; REcApTUREp

SANTA ROSA, Jan. 8.-Ray Glatfel-
der, who pleaded guilty Monday to a
charge of burglary and was sentenced
to the Preston reform school, made his
escape from the detention ward of the
county Jail here last night during a
heavy storm, but was recaptured to-
night
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
MAsoNs INSTALL oFFIcERsLsouth

MAsoNs INSTALL oFFIcERsHSouth Fran
cisco, Jan. s.-The local lodge OF Masons In
Mcdonald. master; Frank Edwards. senior war
den: Harry E. Styles junior warden; Z. ~
Brown. treasurer; George W. HolstUn secretary:
Fred Cunningham senior deacon; Thomas Bres-
nan, junior deacon. W. Money. steward; c. L.
Kaufman, tyler. j. o. Snyder acted as master
OF ceremonies. assisted by s. +. Mcdonald as in
stalling officer.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09
nnDY or AERoNAuT FOUND

HAMBURG. Jan. S-The body of
Lieutenant Foertsch. the German aero
naut who lost his life at sea last Oc-
tober was picked UP IN the North sea
two days ago by the fishing steamer
Orion, Lieutenant Foertsch started in
the international balloon contest in
october. He went along in the German
balloon Hergeselle. The balloon was
picked up October II. 14O miles north
west of Heligoland. All the other aer-
onauts have been accounted for except
Lieutenant Foertsch's companion.
SEND CRAZY WOMAN TO SAN JoSE-Palo
Alto Jan. S.-Humane society officers rescued
an Italian woman evidently crazy. who was
hanging around the railroad depot with her three
children this morning and sent her to San Jose.
Headed by Uncle John hackman the
drivers took up collection for the mother.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09

Do You Want $500.
Read THE CALLS weekly offer on
page Is.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09

The following officers OF the retail
clerks union were installed Wednesday
in Clerks building in Van Ness ave-
nue.; Bert Kahn, president; Max Men
delssohn and S A. Fewster. vice presf-
dents; A L. Post, nnanelal secretary
urer; A. Leavitt. guardian; j. j. Lor-
yea sentinel; Bert Kahn. A. Nillen. A.
L. Post. delegates TO the labo., coun-
S. A Fewster. A. L. Post and E. Su1li-
van. delegates to the state council OF
retail clerks. The installation was fol-
a social hour.
The San Francisco call., 1909-01-09

The following have been elected as
the Oficers of the bakers and cOnfec-
TONERS union for the ensuing term: E.
Shearer. president; r. Winter, vice
PRESIDENT. William Wright, financial
and corresponding secretary; r. Efsold
treasurer; Paul Griderley, M. Willie. r.
Winter, Oscar Helbing. Ernst Selig-
man. E. Kahn, Richard Schwartfng, w.
Wright and Anton Wahl. executive
board; Marcel White. business agent
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
They're All Like This.


A young and pretty schoolteacher
once asked her class for an original
definition of the word WIFE"
"a wife is a rib" said one little girl.
wives are guiding stars" said an
other.
"a comforter" said third .
IAN inspiration" said fourth.
Altogether the definitions were rath-
er prosy and commonplace, but finally
q child Of eleven, smiling archly, said:
"a wife is a person for a man to find
fault with when things go wrong"
"Goodr' cried the pretty teacher,
laughing. Good! That Is the best
definition of all, the best, the truestv'
But that afternoon on the way home
from school the little girl whose def
milton had so pleased tripped demurely
up to the teacher and said:
Are you going to marry that tall.
handsome young man I see you with
nearly every night?"
"Yes," said the teacher.
well, then, If my definition Of a
wife was rue'-
"Ah.~ but, dear, with us nothing will
ever go wrong. He says so himself"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Examining Wedding Gifts.

'Women viewing another woman's
wedding presents say things which
are likely to be misinterpreted,'' said
the bachelor who declares he hates
weddings, but always goes when in
vited, according to the Washington
Post, "and other things which no ia
vorable Interpretation would make
complimentary to the bride or to the
givers. It's the way Of the sex, sup
pose. Now, why Is it that the most
common remark Of the women who
are inspecting the layout Of silver and
cut glass and other gifts more or less
useful is, What a lot OF presents she
got? They don't mean anything IN
kind, but the inference an uninitiated
eavesdropper would draw is that they
wonder why she got so many, as If by
rights she shouldn't have had half so
many. OF course they vary the re-
mark, What lucky grip says one,
as If she would like to add, Some per.
sons have too much luck And an
other says, I wonder where they. all
came FROM implying almost as If the
bride couldn't have enough friends to
make SO many gifts and must have
sent some Of them to herself just to
making a showing"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Worlds cIeanext Soldier.


The Japanese soldier considers It a
disgrace to be dirty. Soldiers Of other
national1ties are not always overpar-
tcular, but, as Mr.. Kipling has sung:
Oh, east is east, and west IS west, and
never the twain shall meet.
However, the Japanese military man
is not provided by grateful and be-
nefcent government with a portable
bath, so when on active service he has
to set his wits to work in order to OBJ
tain the necessary adjuncts to his alb
lutiOnS.
The Chinese, for reasons of their
own, manufacture long and large jars,
whose diameter is that of a western
main drain. It occurred to a bright
Japanese that one might just as well
have bath standing up as lying
down.
Accordingly he and his comrades in
TERED a jar, built a furnace beneath
It and filed it with water. Soon a
boiling hot bath dubbed before them.
1mitators sprang into being and SUBJ
sequently into similar baths.-Bystand-
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Deceiyers,

There is an old fellow who lives In a
dry New England town who has a
very poor opinion of New York, to
which metropolis he recently made a
visit. 1t may be remarked in passing
that the old gentleman is one Of the
pillars Of the church in his native vii
lage. Upon his return home he sat for
some time upon a sugar barrel at the
grocery and then suddenly burst out:
Them fellers down to New York is
as bad as thieves! Cheat your eye
teeth out fore you know it!'
Gosh. Hiram! You don't mean to
say you got bunkoed at your age?' the
storekeeper demanded, dropping the
nail longs.
Eyes, l did, tool" was the angry re-
ply. Il went to sody water fountain
an asked the Teller for his best sar-
syprilla, an I give him the regular
wink"
"Well?' the storekeeper demanded
''Well, by heck, l got itv' was the
Disguised reply.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
The Horses Power Of Smell.

The horse will leave musty hay un-
touched in his bin, however hungry.
He will not drink of water objection
able to his questioning sniff or from a
bucket which some 'odor makes Often
sive, however thirsty. His intelligent
nostril will widen, CULVER and query
over the daintiest bit offered by the
fairest of hands, with coaxings that
would make a mortal shut his eyes and
swallow a nauseous mouthful at q
gulp. A mare Is never satisfied by
either sight or whinny that her colt is
really her own until she has a certain
nasal certificate to the fact A blind
horse, now living, will not allow the
approach of any stranger without
showing signs Of anger not safely to
be disregarded. The distinction is evil
IDENTITY made by his sense Of smell and
at considerable distance. Blind
horses, as a rule, will gallop wildly
about a pasture without striking the
surrounding fence. The sense Of smell
informs them Of its proximity.-Horse
and Stable
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Family Secrets.

A father complains that his little
six-year-old girl is too talkative. He
says: The worst Of it Is when we
have visitors she is continually max
ing mistakes Of the worst sort, mis-
takes that tend to rattle the dry bones
Of the family skeleton in the cup
board. Recently she allowed her
tongue to run away with her, as usual,
the result Of which was that she very
much embarrassed both her father
and mother, although the guests seem
ed delighted.
had very serious talk with her
and impressed upon her, or tried to,
that she must not tell any family
secret. The next time we had COM
pany she was permitted to come to
the table only by promising that she
wouldn't utter a word.
She behaved beautifully and. had
nothing to say until the dessert was
about to be taken away. Then her
lips began to culver, and finally she
burst into tears.
"Why, what's the matter, darHngT'
her mother asked.
IL want some more ice cream, If
that isn't family secret" she walled
between sobs.-London Telegraph
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
EdUcRted,

Mrs. 8. was in Richmond hospital,
and she was lonely, SO welcomed the
advent of very black and very Ian
guild maid who came in one morning
to wipe up the floor. Some one new
to talk to, so no time was lost.
II have not seen you working around
here before. Aren't you new girl?''
Edmonia willingly let the cloth slip
back into the bucket and sat fat upon
the floor before answering.
"Yas'm, rs new. rs jest washin' up
de floor. But don't work. rs edit.
kated."
"And where were you educatedr'
was the next question.
I'm seminary" Then, with burst
Of confidence: There was me an an
other girl workin' in house. She was
cook. an was chambermaid, an we
had great times about who would git
de prize, but 1 beat" Then, after a
pause, "She was easy to beat, cause
she got smothered to death with gas
de night before de Examinations come
of."-Cleveland Leader.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Had Been Anticipated.

A London composer was one summer
engaged on the score Of an opera, and
as the weather was very hot he
worked with the windows of his study
open. This fact was taken advantage
Of by his ne1ghbor, a lady, an accom-
plished musician, with a very quick
and retent1ve ear, to play upon him q
harmless practical joke.
One morning he completed and tried
over new march, and the lady on the
same afternoon seated herself at her
grand piano, opened her windows and
rolled forth the air fortissimo. The
composer rushed distractedly into his
garden to his wife and, tearing his
hair in anguish, cried out:
my dear, I give it up! I thought /
had composed an original tune, but it
must be a delusion, for my grand
march-my chef d'oeuvre, as I thought
it's only a Renaissance and is al
ready the property Of some music pub"
liSher!"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Lord Penzance's Acquaintance.

When the late Lord Penzance was
plain Mr.. Wilde, he once took an early
morning stroll round Covent Garden
market. There he entered into CONVEX.
sation with an old man Of genial
aspect who had just made a purchase
of a geranium. Mr.. Wilde soon found
that the stranger was an enthusiastic
amateur gardener, and the pair had an
interesting chat on horticultural topics
as they walked toward Oxford street
Suddenly the fare in a passing hanson
cab signaled to the driver to pull up
and within the vehicle Wilde saw his
friend, Sergeant Ballantine Bidding
the old man adieu, Wilde entered the
cab.
In surprised accents Ballantine ex.
claimed, "How on earth did you come
to know that man?'
"Picked him up just now in Covent
Garden market" said his companion.
"Weu. Wilde" the sergeant remark.
ed, your new acquaintance is Cal
craft, the hangmanr'-London Acade-
my.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
An Unexpected Burns Lecture.

An Unexpected QUITS AoSRUTes
John Augustus O'Shea used to be In
considerable request as lecturer on
Ids military experiences. Once, at
Dumfries, he came upon the platform
wearing in his buttonhole a daisy,
which he quietly removed and held up
Ladies and gentlemen" he began.
~ hold tn my hand wee modest
flower plucked this evening from
the grave of Robert Burns" The au.
dience was interested and became III.
thralfed as the lecturer went on to
speak Of the national poet. Then,
suddenly recollecttng that Burns had
nothing to do with his subject, he
stopped abruptly. "And now" said
Mr.. O'Shea, II will proceed to relate
my experiences in the war;
But by this time he had thoroughly
engaged the sympathies Of his listen
ers, who would not hear Of another
subject ''Never min the war, sir"
they vociferated; "gie us Robbie
Burns" And he did. This extempore
Grafton afterward became one of the
most popular of Mr. O'Shea's lectures
London Chronicle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Famous Architects Trick.

When Sir Christopher Wren was
building the town hall Of Windsor,
fdgety member Of the corporation, so
the story goes, insisted that the roof
required further support and desired
the architect to add more pillars. In
vain did Sir Christopher assure him
that the danger was imaginary. he
knew better. The alarm spread, and
the great architect was worried into
adding the desired columns.
Years passed, and in later times,
when architect and patrons were dead,
cleaning operations In the roof re-
vealed the fact that the supposed addi-
tonal supports did not touch the roof
by two inches, though this was not per.
ceptble to the gazers below.
By this ingenious expedient did Wren
pacify his critics, while indicating hts
own architectural skill to future gener.
atoms.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Mixup,

The householder smothered his wrath
and descended to the basement
care you the plumber?" he asked of
tinkering with the pipes in the cellar
yes, guv'nor." answered the man.
Been long in the trader
"'Bout year, guv'nor.'
Ever make miStakes?''
'Bless yer, no, guv'norw
"Oh, then, I suppose it's all right! l
imagined you had connected up the
wrong pipes, for the chandelier in the
drawing room is spraying like a foun-
tain, and the bathroom taps on frey'-
London Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Sharks and Divers,

Contrary to what is generally sup
posed, the fully equipped modern diver
does not dread sharks in the depths,
though there are cases on record
where these monsters have bitten saw
agely at the air pipe, causing a serious
leak and almost drowning the man be-
fore be could be hauled up. Sharks
are, however, VIGOROUSLY timid, and
all the experienced diver has to do to
brighten them away is to open one Of
the air valves in his dress and cause a
stream of bubbles to rise up all around
him, whereupOn the tiger of the deep"
will make off in abject terror. A far
more real danger Is getting entangled.
st. Nicholas.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17

mount his steps. Presently they were
announced as the Chinese minister at
the court of st. James and his suit.
A solemn presentation having taken
place, Browning said to the interpreter,
MAY ask to what am indebted for
the honor Of his excellency's visit?'
The interpreter replied, Ills excellen-
cy Is poet in his own country
Thereupon the two poets shook hands
heartily. Browning then said, MAY I
ask to what branch of poetry his ex-
cellency devotes himselfT' To which
the interpreter answered, Ills excel.
lency devotes himself to poetieal enig.
mas" At this Browning, recognizing
fully the comic element in the situa-
ton. extended his hand most cordially,
saying: "His excellency is thrice vel.
come. He is brother indeedr
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Enaland's Mother Church.

The oldest frequented church In
England is probably st. Martins, at
Canterbury. and you may call it the
mother church Of England. Walk up
from the outskirts of the city and you
will pass the font which gave baptism
to King Ethelbert 1900 years ago. The
font still stands, the worshipers still
mount the slope, and one considers
whether it was Augustine or Bertha
who dragged the king and husband to
that font-London Chronicle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Star.
Half of the Pleasure,

The youngest girl Of a Baltimore
family was recently much distressed
at dessert to discover that there was
ice cream for dinner
"Oh, papa" exclaimed the young
ster reproachfully, why didn't they
tell me this morning that we were 60
ing to have ice cream?"
What difference would that have
made"'
"Lotsr' sighed the child. II could
have expected it all day."-Lippincott' s
Machine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
They Sat Down.

One night at theater some scenery
took fire, and a very perceptible odor
of burning alarmed the spectators. A
panic seemed to be imminent when an
actor appeared on the stage.
Ladies and gentlemen" he said,
compose yourselves. There is no
danger"
The audience did not seem reas-
sured.
Ladies and gentlemen" continued
the comedian, rising to the necessity
Of the Observation-Disclosures it aldo
you think If there was any danger I'd
be here?"
The panic collapsed.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Plot That Failed.

A story Of plot to kidnap Queen
Victoria and turn England into re-
public is told in Peter Latouche's book,
Anarchy; It's Methods and Expo
nents." This coup d'etat was planned
to take place in 1885, the year Of the
great dock strike In London, but was
frustrated by the success of the strik-
ers and the unexpected sympathy and
help shown them by the moneyed
classes. 81 This did much to conciliate
the masses. on whose help the revo-
lutonists relied.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
The WRONG Girl,

After a whole year Of married bliss
a young man named Hahn, living at
Volosca, Dalmatia, discovered that he
bad not married the girl he intended.
When he proposed to her he mistook
her for her twin sister, who so re-
sembles her that they can scarcely be
distinguished, and he did not realize
his error until he began calling her by
her Christian name instead of by the
terms Of endearment he had hitherto
used. ..-
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Annoying the Passengers.

|'There used to be in one of the
southern states" said a military man,
"a railroad that was notorious for it's
slowness. This line was so slow that
the people took to lampooning it in the
press. Thus one Memorial day a
planter wrote to the Rapier, the lead
ing paper Of his district:
1.-THE Editor Of the Rapier:
Dear Sir-Is there no way to put a
stop to begging along the line Of the rail-
road? For instance. yesterday an aged
veteran with wooden leg kept pace with
the afternoon express all the way from
Paint Rock to Nola Chucky and annoyed
the passengers exceedingly, going from
one open window to another with his i'm
Fortunate solicitations.
"vOx POPULL"
Wa Shi0ptoD Stor
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Overlooked.

Overlooked.
II always distrust your judgment for
some reason or other. John"
eyes, and you have reason to. It
serves me right
''Why, cannot remember you ever
having done anything to justify such a
d1StruSt''
Have you forgotten that 1 married
you ?"-Houston Post
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Gallant CIeroyman,

It is said that the Rev. Sydney
Smith could be gallant as well as witty
ON occasion.
"Oh, Mr.. Smith, cannot bring this
flower to perfechon," said a young
lady to him once as she showed him
about her conservatory. ...
Whereupon he took her by the hand
and said, Then let me bring perfec-
ton to the hower,"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Canada's Inland Sea

People at home who have only seen
Hudson bay on the map have mainly
regarded it as patch of polar desola-
ton, forbidding and unexplored. In
reality it is nothing of the kind. It h
a huge inland sea as large as the Med
lterranean reaching down into the
center Of the Canadian continent
Milling.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Wanted q Pusher.

'FWhat did the new neighbors come
to borrow now?
'They wanted the lawn mower"
us that allr'
'oThat was all they spoke about but
I think from the way they stood
around they would like to have Dor.
rowed my husband to run it."-Nash.
vile American.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Keen Business Man,

Noah landed Oh Ararat.
Fine" he cried-"a mountain and
seashore resort in oner'
Herewith he started to build sum
mer hotel.-New York Sun.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Explosive.

An ambitious young writer having
asked, what magazine will give me
the highest position quickest?' was
told, "A powder magazine, If you con.
tribute fiery article"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Out of Mind.

Fenton-At first he was simply crazy
about her, but now he neglects her
shamefully. Sloanes-1 see. At first
he went out of his mind, and then she
went out of his mind"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17

I'm sure" whispered the gossip,
that Mr.. Pillsbury, the druggist.
takes dram occasionally"
YES" replied the bright girl, II be-
lieve he has no scruples in that direc-
cection. Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A "piaee Of Learnina,"

Sydney Smith, once asked Why a Ger
tain college was called place Of learn
ing, replied that, although great
many had been there to get learning,
no one had ever taken learning away;
hence it was appropriately named.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Far Fields Are Greener,

Far Fields Are Greener.
A boy always brags Of what be viii
do when he's man.
And when he becomes a man he al
ways boasts Of what he did when be
was 4 boy.-Pick-Me-Up.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
A Pair Of Poets

Hearing q noise in the street before
his house one morning, Robert Brown
ing, the poet, went to his window and
saw: great crowd gazing at some
Cinnamon in gorgeous costumes who
were. Just leaving their carriages to
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17
Omceholders.

"Well, there's one thing to be said
for public servants"
"What's that?"
when you hire one you never have
any trouble keeping him."-Cleveland
Leader.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-12-17

There is no frigate like a book h
take Us leagues away.-Dickinsoa.