davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
HUM0R OF THE HOUR
Too Good For This Sphere.

when it comes to ideal domestic
women" said the proud young author,
1.-The heroine of my new novel is the
paragon"
THAT'S just the kind of heroine
we're looking for" replied the busy
publisher.
Eyes, sir, she is a woman you don't
meet every day. In the first place..
she never leans out of the back win
dows and criticises her neighbors'
Monday wash"
"She must be perfect"
Nor does she hang over the back
fence g%ossiping by the hour while the
dinner scorches."
I'D like to meet one like her.
when new neighbors move in she
does not criticise their old furniture
and wonder If they have paid for their
new"
The busy publisher held up his hand.
stop! That would not be a woman"
mot a woman?"
mo; that would be an angel"
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13

NASs JACO0 L. MEEK Eli
come to him he will go to the people.
With that idea he is conducting serv-
ices at Suburban garden at 7:4O p. IN.
every Sunday.
A specially constructed rostrum was
built for him at the north end Of the
garden, and his twenty minute sermon
precedes the rising Of the curtain on
Countess Venturini's production Of
"Frou-Frou." DR.. Meeker remains for
at least one act Of the show, watches
the dancers on the pavilion, takes his
dinner at the cafe and mingles with
the crowds in the billiard room and
bowling alley.
II think the summer gardens attract
better than the churches in summer
because they afford more comfort"
said DR.. Meeker recently. "The people
sitting about the tables will. I think.
find the service interesting. We have
to take the gospel to the people, not wait
for them to come and ask US for It."
The accompanying photograph was
taken while DR.. Meeker was cooking
dinner recently for the members Of
the Ladies' Sewing society Of his
church. The clergyman is not only q
preacher Of force. but an excellent
cook.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Special Bee Sense.

CASTOR BONNER afirms that the abil-
ity Of bees to fly straight to their hives
from a distance a great as two miles
is not due, as some have believed. to
either sight or smell, but to a spe-
cial ems of direction possessed by
bees. NJ. BONNER bases his belief in
the existence Of this strange sense.
which would be extremely useful to
man also. on a series Of experiments
with homing bees. he does not know
in what organ the sense is located. but
he says that. at any rate, it is not in
the antennae.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
R~eqeneratinu Rubber,

In a process recently patented in
Germany for the regeneration of vul-
fanized india rubber. fragments of
bld rubber are mixed with from one
tenth to one-tifth their weight Of an
llin, and the mixture is heated until
It becomes fluid. The special advan-
fage Of the process is the compare
lively small quantity Of solvent re-
quired. The regenerated rubber is
said to be little inferior to new rubber
in elasticity and other properties. 1t
can be vulcanized in the usual way
and a afterward be r~egenerated
again by the new process.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13


canals. will conduct the water from
the lower end of the tunnel to the I'm
compahgre river. Fourteen intermedi-
ate drops will generate 10000 horse
power for lighting and manufacturing
purposes.
The project will reclaim approx
mately 10000 acres of the finest fruit
land in the world, surrounding the
celebrated Montrose fruit district. The
government will charge about $35 per
acre for water rights. but as soon as
the water Is on the land it will be
worth from 5000 to $500 per acre.
according to state of cultivation. From
500 to 800 men have been employed
since February, 1905. For their &C.
commodation two towns containing
schools. office buildings, cottages, hos
pitfalls. etc.. have been built by the
government ut the portals.
The work has cost the government
about $5.0OO,OOO, and a peculiar fea-
ture is that Uncle Sam lends the
money only to the farmers who are to
benefit by receiving water. The gov
eminent. however, gives ample time
Tor paying for water rights. For in
stance. a settler in the Uncompahgre
valley will have to pay but a small
sum the first year. The payments will
increase from year to year.
Thus it is figured that an ordinary
field crop planted between rows Of
young trees will enable a settler to
make his first years payments and his
living besides. By the time his Or
chard comes into bearing. if he has
gone in for fruit culture. he will be
able to meet the heavier payments
without trouble. 1t Is customary to
plant potatoes between the rows Of
young trees. Some years these will
yield as much as 500 per acre profit.
Settlers will, have no difficulty about
marketing their crops, as q railroad
traverses the entire valley. Last year
the Montrose ranchers, through their
local association. shipped 2SS cars Of
apples, 10 cars Of peaches. 10 cars
OF mixed fruits, such as apricots, cher
ries. grapes. etc., and 400 cars Of pota-
toes. Besides these, a large portion Of
the crop was hauled by wagons to
nearby mountain mining camps and
sold at high prices.
Most Of the ranches in the valley are
small and compact. When settled un-
der the government plan. the unit will
not be above ten acres. Farm life un-
der such circumstances cannot be
lonely. The metropolis of the Uncom-
pahgre valley is Montrose. an up to
date little city, with churches. theater.
schools, etc.
President Taft while on his western
tour will open the Gunnison. When he
presses a button and sends the roaring
waters Of the Gunnison through the
great cement waterway not an Amer
;can in the land but should be proud Of
he work accomplished by Uncle Sam.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
NO IMPEDlMENT.
An Objection to a Wedding Ceremony
That Was Overruled.

That Was Overruled.
A popular politician tells a story
about one Of his electioneering cam
paigns. He had arrived about noon at
a certain small station. He started out
after dinner for a walk about the vii
lage. on the outskirts Of which he
came upon a building thronged with
people.
The building was a church, and a
wedding was about to take place. He
edged his way through the crowd until
he reached a spot where he had a good
view of the bride and bridegroom and
the clergyman who was about to per.
form the ceremony.
The church was packed. with the ex.
ception of a low. dark gallery near the
roof. This was apparently deserted.
The minister proceeded with the
ceremony until he came to the point
where custom required him to pause
and inquire If there was any one pres
ent who knew any reason why the
couple should not be made husband
and wife. A hush fell upon the as.
semblage, and every one waited in
breathless suspense. Something Of a
sensation was caused when a voice
came from the upper gallery, saying:
Eyes, I do"
All eyes were turned to the gallery.
where, seated all alone in the gloom.
barely discernible. was a meek looking
little a with a haggard face and
disheveled hair. After the clergyman
had recovered from his surprise he
said sternly, Estate your reason. sir!"
The suspense was turned to merri-
ment by the little mans reply:
81 want the girl myself" he said.-
London | t-Bits.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Tho Old Style.
No. this is not Esperanto:

No. this is not Esperanto:
Room oontaw thez yelauoo sandz
And then taak handz;
KOortsid hwen eeoo haav and kist
The wayld waavz hwist.
Nor is it the song Of a boy scout who
is initiating the below of the hedge
hog and at the same time whistling
between his teeth. No; it is Shake
speare's lyric, "Come into these yellow
sands" etc.. as rewritten after the
Elizabethan style.-London Globe.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13

is kept. Captain Finch of the White
Star liner Arabic - , coming ASHFORD
from his vessel '' and was met
at the foot OF Sangway byI
Two customs who CURLY
asked him " ing.
II am the mis- steam.
Ship" he told J..
I'VE don't care wno you are" they
replied to the indignant navigator.
Then the customs men deity went
through the captains pockets. AS
sured that he was not smuggling. they
allowed him to 60 his way.
WI Ting Fang, who has Just been
recalled as Chinese minister to the
United States. has achieved a great
reputation for bright speeches and
quick wit. and the following story
shows his power Of ready response,
On a big junket to the west he was
one Of a large party made up of official
dom, the congress, the diplomatic corps,
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Looking For q Baroain.

CooK1ng FOR q Bargain.
mo-" said the frigid hearted maid,
II cannot be your wife. My heart and
hand are priceless"
'That being the case," rejoined the
wise young man, "I'll leave my ad-
Dress"
"What fort" she asked in surprise.
$50 you can send me word when
they are marked down." he explained.
Houston Post.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
PULPIT IN A GARDEN.

How a St. Louis Pastor Takes the
Gospel to the People.
In st. Louis on Sunday nights the
unique spectacle of holding religious
services in Il summer garden is being
furnished by the Rev. Jacob q. Meek
er, pastor of the Compton Hill Congre-
gational church. Because of the small
attendance at his church it has been
closed for the summer. Now DR..
Meeker says that If the people will not
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
The Physical Culture Girl.

I dread the physical culture girl
For reasons far more thar one
She knows too much Of science. I fear,
And things that shouldn't be done.
EARLY to bed and early to rise"
Is one Of her watchwords true.
She won sit up late nor keep a date,
AS some other girls will do.
She won't let me kiss her, worst of all.
Kisses are microbus. says she.
She won't hold hands. at wrinkles them
So
She really said that to me.
She isn't the ruby Of olden times,
Although he may be a pearl.
II I want some fun I really must shun
The physical culture girl.
-Joe Cone in Boston Herald.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13

the fanges D of the ties prevent
longitudinal movement or creeping.
The aanges also serve al guard rails
to catch and retain the wheels of a de-
rallied train or car. The base plate
provides a smooth surface for the de-
rallied car. obviating injury or shock
which results from a a humping
over the ordinary ties. The continuous
bearing for the rails provided by the
base plates prevents low joints with
the resultant hammering, which soon
wears out the track. The Messrs.
Temple of Ohio have secured a patent
this tie construction.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Her Quandarv.

Her Mother ito bride elect)-What,
frowning on your wedding day?
Bride Elect-I'm in a quandary. If
60 to the altar smiling people will say
I'm simply crazy to get Charlie. and if
l look solemn they will say l already
Bits.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13


To assure a large attendance at these
lectures the palace is thrown open an
hour before they are to begin. and
those who have purchased tickets.
which are IS each, have the opportu.
nifty Of inspecting the lower floor apart
ments Of Marble House, with it's Goth.
ic useum and other art treasures.
Never before have the art treasures or
the interior architectural beauties of
Marble House been viewed by other
than close personal friends. though nu
merous requests for such a privilege
have been made by art lovers from all
parts Of the world.
William Loeb, Jr., collector Of the
port of New York. through his marine
police patrol is stopping effectively the
bringing ashore at piers of small ar
ticles which are not on the manifest.
These in most cases are brought over
by passengers as presents for friends,
for their W use ashore or perhaps
as a modest speculation. The guard
ing Of the piers formerly was very lax,
and so this constant stream Of dutiable
articles flowed into port without the
payment Of revenue. The customs
men estimate that the close watch
fulness Of Collector Loeb in stopping
this practice mean a saving Of thou
sands Of dollars each month t. the
government.
Tho fO11nvU{ru Stnrv vyi11 i11nr St,o r.
the strictness with which the watch
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Easy to Answer,

"Say," queried the city chap, ''can
you tell me how to make a slow horse
fast?"
"Sure l kin" replied the old farmer.
"Don't feed him.
And it vas nearly six hours later be-
fore the innocent c. c. saw the joke
Atlanta Constitution.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Like Tendencies.

F'riend-How is your star spending
his free time now?
Manager-He's fallen in love, and
he's just incoming Observation-Disclosures
American.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Two of His Strono Points.

The Young Mani don't take any
credit to myself for being able to spell
better than other people can. Spell
ing is a gift.
Miss Snappeigh-You acquired your
modesty, l presume, by diligent appli-
cation.-Chicago Tribune.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Happy Combination.

Happy Combination.
1t happened down on the beach. A
little boy sat on a fence, swinging his
feet. Beside him sat a girl playmate.
'11l tell you my name If you'll tell me
yours" he said.
"Well. what is it," said the girl.
"Lemmy Kishew. What is yours?"
collie Wright"
Then she dug her fairy toes into the
sand and waited.-Lyre.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Their Absent Friend.

Bessie You should hear Name San
ders go on about Fred Mills. She says
she wouldn't have him for a husband
If there wasn't another man in the
world.
Bertha-Ies: he has proposed to
Names friend. Edith Moore.-Boston
Transcript.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Sterile Ground.

Cholly-Cawn't imagine what's the
mattah with Gussie. There seems to
be something preying on his mind.
Miss Sharpe-Oh, whatever it is. let
it alone. 1t will probably die of starva-
tion.-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Reproved.

The Young Doctor-Just think: six
Of my patients recovered this week.
The Old Doctor-It's your own fault.
my boy. You spend too much time at
the club.-New York Life.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
The SURGEONS Charues.

II hear you're dissatisfied with your
doctors bill"
Eyes; l don't think he's entitled to
$3.50 for that operation"
"Why not?"
Because if he was he'd claim more"
Philadelphia Ledger.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Substitute For Leather seItino,

An excellent substitute for leather
betting can be made from a piece of
ordinary fire hose. splitting it up the
middle into two parts-i. e.. two belts
can be made from one piece of hose.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Grudainq Praise.

"Did the critics say anything favor
able about your performance of Ham
let?"
Eyes," answered Mr.. Stormington
Barnes. "They admitted that l had
selected a pretty good play."-Wash-
ingtOn Star.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
No Cause For Alarm.

Mrs. Newpop-John, dear, do you
think so much bread and molasses is
good for the baby?
Newpop-Sure 1t is. Bread is the
''staf Of life." you know.
Mrs. Newpop-Oh. l suppose the
bread won't hurt him. but so much
molasses-
Newpop-But he doesn't eat the mo-
lasses. my dear. He leaves that on the
chairs and doorknobs. -Chicago News.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13

the press, ct al. At
a little station that
8 e e m e d to have
been dropped upon
a barren wilderness
by a passing cloud
the train stopped,
and a crowd of
tOwnsmen gathered
about the car plat /
form where he was |
standing.
whats the pop
ulation of this
placer" he K Of
who was acquainted
Zone thousand"
"How many men 2"
zone hundred"
"And women ?"
"Nine hundred"
He gratefully ackn
formation. reflected
walked inside the {
some Of his belonging
Ing each member of |
shake.
"Why. what are yc
for?" some one asked
This town." he ar
a fash, has 900 wor
men. This is where
Sy."
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13
Noted Names
Seen
In Print

THE woman sui
frage move
ment has ne
greater champion in
this country than
Mrs. O. H. p. Be!
mont, who is wag
ing such a vigorous
campaign just now
in behalf of votes
for women. So en-
thusiastic has she
become in the work
and so eage foi
success that her ia
nous Newport (R
~ palace is bein.
used for lectures on
the subject
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-10-13

Enjoyment stops where Incidence be
gins.-Pollock.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mrs. Dora Reeves is spending the week
at 'Longview," the guest of Miss Lula
HARRISON.
Mrs. Nj. Brown and her grandson,
Horace Latimer, left Monday for a visit
to Memphis.
Mrs. j. A. Ragsdale and little daugh-
ter went to Memphis this week to at
tend the reunion.
George Hill, of Jackson, Miss. visited
his sister, Mrs. Harry McMurry, the
first of the week.
Mrs. Tennie White has regained her
usual health after several days illness
with malarial fever.
Mrs. r. Green and little daughter,
Willo, are guests of Mrs. w. Z. Massen-
gill in Harris vicinity.
A reception at the Bohemian Club
was enjoyed by crowd of young peo-
pie last Tuesday night.
Little Miss Margaret Linbarger is Wis
iting friends and relatives at her old
home, West Point, Miss.
Miss Irene Cherry is visiting her sis
ter, Mrs. Rogers, in Memphis this week
and attending the reunion.
Ruth Griffin and Thelma Dixon went
to Trenton Monday and spent day or
two with Mrs. Boyce Howse.
Mrs. Bell Waddell and Mrs. A. L.
Brevard have been attending the re-
union at Memphis this week.
Mrs. Geo. Joyner and daughter, Mrs.
Sid Wiley, returned this week from
visit to relatives in Mississippi.
Mrs. Paul Crockett and sister, Miss
Irene Forester, of Obion, enjoyed quite
a pleasant trip to Memphis Monday.
Mrs jeff. Williams and daughter,
Miss Stella, of Maple Grove neighbor-
mood, were in the city Monday shopping.
Mr.. and Mrs. Blake and children, of
Ark, are the guests of Mrs.
Z. L. Milan on South Try street this
week.
Mrs. Mary Crenshaw and Miss Laura
1athey went to Memphis, Saturday to
-isit with relatives and attend the re-
lnion.
Miss Nina ]. Strother, after five
months in the Hall-Moody Institute at
Iartin, is with her parents for the va
alton.
Rev. Geo. Evans, who has been sta
toned in St. Louis for some time, is in
Tnion City for few days visit among
is friends.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mrs. Geo. Crews is visiting in Halls.
Walter Fry was in Moscow Tuesday.
Jas. Brown was in Hickman this week
Roy Coleman is at Protemus this week
Billy Frazier was in Martin Sunday
SIS. Woods, of Cairo, was in the city
last week.
Mrs. McMurry was a visitor in Full
ton this week.
Mrs. ]. S. Clogs, of Harris vicinity
is i'll with fever.
Mr.. w. Bynum, of Jackson, was in
the city Friday.
Mrs. J. v Russell, of Trenton, was in
the city Sunday.
Miss Mignon McWhirter returned to
Martin Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Chester Craig visited
Fulton this week.
Mrs. Pearl Averitt Vincent is on the
sick list this week
Mrs. DR.. Holloway, of Rives vicinity,
is reported very i'll.
Mrs. Jennie McEwing, of Fulton, is
in the city this week.
Attorney Walter Nichols, of Trenton,
was in the city Monday.
Mr.. ]. Hall, of Memphis, has been
in the city the past week.
Miss Pearl Milan is attending the
Milan Institute this week.
Little Marguerite Mailing is reported
much better at this writing.
Mrs. DR.. Clark is at home from visit
with Number Seven relatives.
Mr.. HARRISON, of Gibson, was in the
city Friday on legal business.
Mrs. Lucy Williamson, of Moscow,
was visitor in town Monday.
Morris Halves is expected home Fri
lay from Vanderbilt University.
Miss Elsie B. Williams, after several
lays in the city, has returned home.
Mrs. Cicero Ragsdale, of Rives vicin-
ty, was in the city Tuesday shopping.
Mrs. Ella Craver and little babe have
eturned to their home in Clinton, KY.
Miss Olive Duncan and Miss Cora
lays are in Memphis attending the re-
nion.
Little Nina Richardson, we are glad
} say, has recovered from her recent
.lness.
Mesdames Harrison and Rinehart are
isiting Mrs. Gus White at Pleasant
alley.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Misses Irene Davis and Mabel Little
ton went to Memphis this week to at
tend the reunion, and while there were
the guests of Mr.. and Mrs. Hunter
Davis. From Memphis Miss Littleton
goes to Brinkley, Ark, to attend the
marriage of her friend, Miss Daisy
Wade, to Mr.. Chas Hinkle, of Nash
vile, Miss Littleton will be the maid
of honor. Miss Davis will also attend
a wedding at Ripley, Tenn.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11
COUNTY COURT SALE OF TOWN
LOTS.

Ben M. Smoot ct al. VS.. John B. Smoot.
In obedience to an introductory de-
cree made and entered in the above
styled cause at the June term, 1909 |
will offer for sale to the highest and best
bidder, in front of the east door of the
courthouse in Union City, Tenn, on
Saturday the
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Attorney Colin P. Mckinney, of
Ripley, was in Union City for a few
days this week mingling with Obion
County people with a view of intro
ducing his candidacy for Chancellor,
and it is stated here from the best
authority that Mr.. Mckinney made
many strong friends.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mrs. j. R. Moffatt, of Troy, and Mrs.
Cordie Garth, of this city, accompanied
by little Miss Maud Moffatt, Marshall
Garth and Helen Garth, left Wednesday
for Corpus Christi, Texas, to spend the
the summer.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mrs. w. R. Webster spent last week
in Cairo.
T. w. Dunlap, of Number Seven, is
reported very sick.
Mrs. T. ]. Flack, of Dallas, Texas, is
visiting homefolks.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

w. G. Morris cottage is nearing
completion. The improvement has
added much to Harrison street.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Staver buggies at Mailing Keiser
Hardware Co.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

New Perfection oil stoves. Mailing.
Keiser Hardware Co.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Go to Wells Bros. for cold drinks.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mrs. P. Y. White went to Dyersburg
Sunday afternoon to join party going
to Memphis this week.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Big Muddy Washed Nut Coal is best
for cooking. At Union City Ice & Coal
Co.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11

Mesdames John Malcomb and Will
White, of Rives, are guests of Mrs.
Tom Reeves.
The commercial. (Union City, Tenn.) 190?-193?, 1909-06-11
LOCAL AND PERSONAL.

Mrs. Hunter Elan is reported quite
i'll.
D. E. Penick spent last week in the
city.
L. H. Lockhart is in st. Louis this
week.