The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-25

Die coming into their own, God bless 'em l we hope they chokel
 And you may have noticed, Larry,
 that there Is indeed no wild rush about
 IL, which helps to explain my own un- controilable gladsomeness when l hear that the governments gone out again to try 10 catch enough trusts to make a mess. You see, know from past expe- rlence along this interesting line, how it's going to turn out. The law limitation in-
 .erVenes-every trust offical seems to nave a private stable of little limitations on ms country place, they being just the same to him as the life net is to a trap eze performer. Or they find a flaw in the indictment, or a bunch of flaws, all true. Federal indictments being appar- ently composed of one strong flaw su- perimposed on another and that one on another, and so on through. Or new Welterweight champion arises on the horizon or Eva Tanguay brings out a new dance, or something, and the fickle pub llc loses interest in the proposition. Or, the lawyers for the trust come into court and make frank, free open confession. The law has indeed been violated. The guilty person Is a man high in the ranks of the defendent company All the others are innocent as innocent as the unsheared lamb but he, of cer- tainty and beyond the peradventure of doubt, Is most deeply incriminated. It's deplorable, but only too true. The of fender deserves the seyerest punishment. The lawyers for the trust admit it. Nothing would gratify them more at this very minute than to bring him to the bar, and stick him for the whole round. But unfortunately there's an obstacle in the way Of reaching the culprit wretch. The reason is this: He's dead. Thorough ly dead. Firmly and irrevocably dead. He's been dead number of years. He's I-, 1 @R 4l.. A-k elr and deep-seated diseases known to civi1- izea man. The famous specialists who dug into his person before his decease and into his bank roll afterward, agree that he's dead The lawyer who drew up his will for him, knows that he's dead, because he's been trying to break the same ever since the sad event occurred. The undertaken who buried him with much eclat, and the tombstone maker who erected @ mausoleum over him that looks like a cold storage plant done in Italian marble, and the sorrowing fam fly who mourn his loss. but not to an undue excess, will all swear if necessary, that he's dead. He's as dead as Hector, or H. H. Holmes. He's guilty, but also he is dead. If he were any deader than he is something would have to be done about it. The lawyers tor the defense are exceedingly sorry that such should be the case and they express their deep regrets to the court and do now move to squash the indictment. Moved and sec onded that the guilty party being dead, the indictment be quashed. All in favor will please signify by saying aye. The ayes see into have it and the ayes have it, and the indictment is quashed. Call the next deceased, MT. Clerk of the Court.
 He always is dead-the guilty party is. It's falling of his and fatal one at that. When successful politician dies, he turns into statesman; but when trust millionaire passes away he becomes a malefactor. When the govern ment comes along and his indicts his late associates, he wakes up some pleasant morning out at the cemetery and finds he has no more reputation than a rab- bit. He's so guilty he has gilt-edges He has so. Gilt edges and gold tips, and with pain he notes that all the plating has rubbed off his patent collapsible or crush opera halo over night, allowing the brass to show through in spots, plainly. Back to the family vault for his. Gone But Not Forgotten. At Rest. Yet Guilty. Asleep in Peace, With the Goods on Him. Requiescat in Pace-especially the scat part. John Does body lies a-mouldering In the grave. but his trust goes lying on. That's the answer. Larry"
 "The way you talk, fellow'd think there ain't never goin' to be no chance to bust up trust" said the House De- tective. q s'pose you figure that some of these days the trust'il have all the money in the country corded up and stacked away in coal cellar"
 Not h, cdy means" said the Hotel Clerk, mot chance. Nature'u take care of that. Kindly note the gratifying fact that our great captains of industry all have to die. And mostly they leave their possessions to their sons. That's what saves us. It's what I'd call a pro- vision of nature, not a wise provision of nature knowing some of the sons as do, but just a plain provision like oats or smoked hams. An all-seeing Providence has decreed that a certain kind of pa nearly always has a certain kind of kid, and that's where the Amalgamated Asso- ciation of Under and Watch Dogs, mean ing us, Larry, or if not us, our descend- ents, will yet get the chance to break even on this proposition.
 "The average trust in this fair land of ours has been put on it's feet and started going good by one of those wise old squinch owls who knows the trick of selling the public all there is to a doughnut except the fried part. He's satisfied merely to keep the ring around the cruller and let us have the center. His temperature never goes above 30, which is two below freezing, and his shirt stud is an ice water push button, lHO llHSS TUT d luii PitChti. ilc ctil scent the lone sequestered dollar bill in its lair further than a colored circuit rider down south can smell spring chicken turning over in hot skillet, and that's the fartherest away that the human nose ever detected anything He builds up a little monopoly in some necessity of life, that no wise burglar could break into from the outside, or would want to break out of if he ever got inside It's a law-proof, double scanned, steel-chilled, bull-high, pig tight institution, with careful lookout on the front door. a troop of trained per forming corporation lawyers in the back parlor, confidential office boy to make the dummy loans and attend the drec- tors meetings: couple of city councils a state legislature or so, and bunch of congressman and senators fastened up in the dog house, each with his own mum Der and license tag on his collar, and a secret nassapeway leading from the