The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1909-02-04

/ GOvernmept-The President anG
BiIkins Dig Up History
Correspondence of the Caucasian
Enterprise.
IL they IL any man in this countrs
5 DO enjoys guide feed hit Ia the un-
| dersigned. | Rev sin eatIn at .t.ie
White House fer several days sn
never enjoyed a visit better in my
life. Mr.. snd Mrs. Roosevelt know ex-
actly how a man feels when meal
time roofs GROUND. An Bob IL git.
tin fat an sassy in the White House
barns. | tried every way | could ter
dodge gittin' into sosiety. But now
that | am in l expect they will hev to
buy me off.
The Preserdent has lots ov busi-
ness ter tend to an a heap ov promi-
nent people air awlways callin' ter
see him, especially them furrin diplo-
mats. But he manages ter be with
me a guide deal. An l am learnin'
ter like him a whole heap. At first
he called me Major Bilkins" But I
insisted that az | wuz nothin' but a
private in the ranks that he call me
Zeke.
The first mite | wuZ at the White
House the President told Mrs. Roose-
velt erbout that fake bear-hunt I
gave him when he wuz at Raleigh an
hit tickled her nightly. She sed she
had an idea that some ov them big
hunts the Preserdent he'd taken out
Anyway, he had not brought any
bears home at the end ov some ov
the huntin' trips. But I explained
that by tellin' her the Preserdent he'd
friends in the West. The Preserdent
said might not be pollytishun, but
l must hev bin mixin' up with them
sumwhar, fer i seemed ter know the
game.
The first mite l stayed at the White
House the Preserdent went up ter
ter see if everything wuz awl rite.
The room wuz az fine az a fiddle an
the bed looked like big snow-bank.
Mr.. President" sez l, 81 guess
you amt got none ov them foldin'
beds here that air liable ter close up
an catch a feller in a trap an crush
the life out ov him before he kin say
Jack Robinson
Mr.. Roosevelt lowed: mo, we
don't hev none ov them contraptions
in the White House. The beds air
guide ones. But they air awl of the
guide old-fashion' sort an don't play
no pranks on a man when he goes ter
bed. Awl you hev ter do IL ter say
your prayers an tumble rite in
Morpheus does the rest"
After he had gone downstairs l got
to wonderin' who that feller "Mor-
pheus" il. l guess he IL employed
at the White House ter look af er
visitors an sich. This government
iz a plum site No wonder hit costs
many millions ov dollers ter keep
things a-goin'.
l slept hk a house a-fre- I'll bet
they could hear me a.snorin' awl
over the White House, an over half
the city ov Washington, fer 1 hev
taken several premiums fer loud
snorin' in the last few years. But
the President never said a word er-
bout hit if he noticed hit
The next mornin' I wuz up bright
an early. But az l didn'a hear no
movin' erbout in the White House I
took a chair an sot down close ter
a winder an took in the sites. I
kept waitin' an waitin', an after "a
while sumbody knocked on my bed
room door. Come in," seq I. Hit
wuz a servant an he sed that he had
cum up ter see if the gentleman wuz
ready ter git up. "Get up." seq I.
why I hev bin up fer the last hour
or so, an wuz jist hevin' little ar
gyment with myself az ter whether
or not hit wouldn't be a guide idea ter
stroll UP on Pennsylvania avenue an
git an eye-opener. I'm from North
Carolina, you know" The feller laff-
ed an sed: Them eye-openers air
nifty comfortin' on a cold mornin'."
Then he lowed: Maybe if you give
the Preserdent the wink he will un-
uncork some ov that old wine in the
White House cellar. They say hit IL
fine"
'Wine!" sez l. Didn't I jist tell
you that l am frum North Carolina?"
Yes, sir; that il what you sed."
WELL" seq I, lam a dymakrat
pollytishun frum the great State ov
North Carolina-a prohibition polly
tishun at that; an I wanter tell you
rite now that if the President does
not wish ter insult me he had better
trot up sumpthin' stronger than wine
Why, down in the crate prohibition
State of North Carolina We give sick
people wine. But when a man wants
an 'eye-opener hit must consist ov
pure Kentucky corn juice or ov Vir-
ginia concentrated lye mixed with
liquid dynermite an hit must be at
least 130 proof"
Breakfast will be ready in 20
minits,' 'sed the servant. So I fol-
lered him downstairs. I foun' the
President busy in hiz private offs,
openin' hiz letters, az he sed, that
wuz marked personal" excused
him till he would finish lookin' over
them.
did you rest well, Major?" sed
the President
II certainly did, sez I "fer 1 took
two rows at time"
I" Two rows at a timet,n That liz