davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

The mail problem was equally try
ing. Most of the letters were from
impatient women, but not few came
from irate husbands who demanded
hotly why their wives property should
be withheld.
At first Mr. Abrams answered these
letters. but their increasing volume
soon rendered this impossible, and
presently he, was deluged by scores OF
angry people, who complained that not
only had their property been withheld
but that their very letters We're ig-
nored. To all of this Mr.. Abrams gave
the one sufficient reply that the Inter
state despatch had nothing in common
with the Interstate express, save in
deed a confusing similarity of name,
but nevertheless his position was an
unenviable one.
He therefore addressed to the city
postmaster an exposure of what he
deemed to be gross nlisusage OF the
mails. Within a week he received the
following replyg
II return herewith postal card in
closed with your favor of the 18th inst.
and beg leave to say that the persons
conducting business under the title OF
the Interstate express company through
a lockbox at station, o are known to
this office and engaged In a legitimate
line of business"
There being no appeal beyond Caesar,
Mr.. Abrams dropped the matter, yet
the knowledge that the Interstate COM
pany was engaged in a legitimate line
of business" mystified him into propos-
ing fresh theories. Why should 1t not
be some colossal advertising scheme
of which the public would hear more
when curiosity had been reused to
fever heat? A most apt supposition!
Yet hardly had he formulated it than
it was disproved by the very next
caller.
Il don't expect package of any
kind" said this man, lingering his
postal, "and ] am total stranger
in this city. Moreover. if it's an adj
vertisemept, L don't see how they found
my address. I've been here only a
few weeks, my name appears neither
in the directory or the telephone
book, nor am / acquainted with more
than half dozen people here.'
This incident discouraged Mr.. Abrams
from further definite theorizinB, yet as
a practical businessman he could not
help but wonder. A postal with reply
card attached costs 2 cents, and the
serial number shown on each card hao
already reached 26,000. Add thereto
lock box rental and clerk and office
hire, and a considerable sum is ip-
! volved. Placing this at the minimum
figure of $4,000 per annunl. 1t will bs
seen Ihdt, accOrQluS TO lHouSIh DuSi-
ness economics, the Interstate express
should have been earning a yearly
revenue of from $4,000 TO s2o,ooo-buf
how?
There was but one remaining possi'
bility-that some wealthy paranoiac be
lieved himself to be the president of al
express company and was indulging hii
delusion to the uttermost. Doubtless
this would have remained the explana
tion had not one correspondent pushed
patience just beyond its prescribed limi
of seventy times seven.
This man, a small merchant and i'm
porter, wrote to say that he had beel
greatly annoyed by the.nonarrival of
certain case, which he presumed wa
referred to in the postal card at hand
He did not know or care whether tn
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
By Billee Glynn

wind travels faster than a feather.
There was furry of sand down side
street, and they rolled together in a
heap, with yelp of pain from the
ragamuffin cur, as the bulldogs jaws
slipped with ferocious thunder on it's
wiry, shaggy hair. The young man
was hurrying quickly up to see Nap
do i'm" But again something hap
pened. Standing there in the instants
pause after that first tumble, its back
to the wall and facing it's two enemies,
a light came into that poor little ours
eyes. Around him, so far that he
could never hope to get out of it, was
the big, homeless world with its crush
ing hunger and friendless back yards
That was ALL and there was bulldog,
big, too, but easier. The hair of him
stood out, the cords OF the neck became
ropes. the jaws horrible. He drew his
lean, steel length together silently and
flung 1t straight In the blubbering,
hideous face of the enemy.
Again the sand Hurried for a few mo-
ments. and again they stood apart
looking for, holds. the big bull shifting
and surprised sic sem.'' said the man.
The little dog evaded the others rush
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
Doesthe San Francisco Woman Walk With the Gait OF a Ca1el

armpits almost to the knees, gets over
the ground ~ series of "lumpy 'umpy
impuIsions of the lower leg that Is
travesty upon any able bodied camel.
After a days tour of shopping and
calling it is another line of the poets
'tOoats' that marks the logical Sc
quence IN the womans gait. Every &C
tion unnatural organs and muscles
laced into an instrument of torture sug-
gestlng a combination stovepipe and
swallow tail coat, at the end of the day
comes the ''fioppin', droppin' Cont"
Now the overworked knee joints are
beginning to flag, and the woman who
at o'clock halls a downtown car
comes hoppin'. droppin' home, disabled
for the rest, of the day. For proof of
this note the way she rushes up stairs.
tears off her corset and f1ings herself
down in kimono and means, "Oh, l
am so tired" and, il possible, has a
tray of toast sent to her room rather
than face the bore OF dressing again
for dinner.
But when we agree with the basic
points of comparison between the
camers and the San Francisco womans
gait let us not be understood as mean
ing that we would also apply the verses
in their entirety. Far be 1t from us to
compare the line. ''Oh, the hairy-scary
Cont with our boasted type of Ameri
can beauty; neither the line, oh, the
Gawd forsaken Oont." 1t is with a fine
distinction that the comparison Is
drawn. and with all due respect, both to
Mr.. Kipling and the hill climbing. trade
wind breasting, directoire clad San
Francisco woman.
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

postal card, and oblige yours respect
fully. G. GORDON, General Agent"
81 moved from Twenty-second street
a few weeks ago, explained the woman,
but a friend there readdressed the
postal to me. Just as soon as got it
tore off the reply card attached to
it, wrote my new address thereon, so
that the driver would know where to
deliver, and remarked it. Now l want
the package"
Mr.. Abrams smiled his most pacifying
smile.
Il think, madam he resumed, you
have confused our Office with this ex-
press company on account of a SINH
larity in the name. The Interstate
Despatch is a freight line. You should
look for the Interstate Express.
The woman glanced at the heading on
the postal and uttered a blank "Oh-h.'
T HE misunderstanding was natural
] enough. and Mr.. Abrams gave it no
further thought until similar induirers
began TO drift in at the rate of five or
six daily, each of whom rendered the
same printed postal, told approximately
the same tale and received the same
repffes These inquiries ranged from
middle to working class and comprised
all the races and temperaments which
so to make the city, from the excitable
Latin to obese, obstinate Teuton, and
Mr.. Abrams persuasive no less than
his linguistic powers were taxed to the
uttermost
There were two strange condolences:
First, that all the callers were women.
and. second, that none or few of them
had expected the arrival of package,
other from Aaxira mr. alSavybaFe. Mr.
Abrams grew interested. A thorough
investigation revealed no trace of a
carrying corporation, except his own,
bearing the title of Interstate" Not
an express company in the city knew
of such a concern; no one had ever seen
or heard Of its wagons, drivers or sta
tions. nor did its name appear on any
list of commercial ratings. Mr.. Abrams
interest deepened and he bethought him
of Sherlock Holmes.
There was nothing more simple" as
Holmes would have observed, than to
credit this mysterious express company
with the motive of collecting charges
on delivery of fake packages, but a
more careful study revealed the con-
hicting fact that the callers postcards
were invariably marked Charges paid
There was the second theory that the
signatures on the reply cards were
DelnE USED uHdef some IalSe pfetEnSe,
but the evident poverty. of many of the
women rendered this explanation alb
surd. Mr.. Abrams shrugged his shoul-
ders and dismissed the matter, but in
vain-the matter utterly refused to be
dismissed.
For by this time the business of the
Interstate Express had waxed to alarm
ing proportions, and Mr.. Abrams found
himself representing two companies
ia l..
er confined to visitors. the wires of his
desk telephone were kept hot by voices
who asked insiStently for the Inter
state Express, and his mornings mail
swelled apace. Daily he was subjected
to complaints. appeals and curses with
great regularity, between the hours OF
and 5.
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

r HIS is an age of elimination.
We have smokeless powder,
wireless telegrams. playerless
pianos The announcement of
cowless cream or henless eggs would
scarcely evoke a placid What next?"
Yet the promotion of an express COM
pany on not only horseless but also
wagonless. driverless and even office
less basis would cause surprise, even
incredulity. Nevertheless, a concern of
this description, it has just been re-
vealed. for two years conducted large
and remunerative business throughout
New York city and its suburbs. Unlike
most transportation companies, its
trade was built UP without the assist
ance Of representation or advertising.
In fact. the greatest care was exer-
cised- to avoid publicity. and when
through a small oversight the exist
ence of this concern was brought to
light its prosperous career came to a
sudden and final termination.
This oversight was in the choice of
a name-the Interstate Express com
pauy. If you Will consult a city di-
rectory you viii find half dozen firms
bearing the prefix Interstate" OF
which one is a fast freight line. 1T is
a simple matter 70 confuse the Inter-
state Despatch with the Interstate Ex-
press. and therein lay the Nemesis.
Furthermore, the Despatch company S
address was shown in the directory,
while this express company was not
shown at ALL
Downtown railroad Offices are sit
uated on the ground floor of the build
ing where the Despatch company has
its Offices. and people OF all nations
walk in from the street and make in
Quiries. A railroadman is popularity
supposed to know everything, conse-
ouently some of the questions he is
asked are fearful and wonderful 1t
therefore follows that the employe
whose desk is nearest the door should
he able to speak in divers tongues and
do his work under stress of constant
interruption. At this Office this position
is occupied by James D. Abrams,
who represents the Interstate Despatch.
Mr.. Abrams is a quick, courteous gem
tleman, and he managed to direct his
business and at the same time satisfy
the throng Of inquirers until the Inter-
state Express entered the field,
one afternoon a woman approached
his desk and began without preface:
i've called for my package"
Mr.. Abrams replied politely that he
knew of no package.
Indeed" she returned with irrita-
ton Here is the post card you sent
me. I've spent three days in searching
for your Office, and now you tell me
there. is no package"
The card was printed postal headed
The Interstate Express Company
Mexico and West Indies" and dated
from p. o. box 81. Branch o, New York
city. It read as follows:
Dear Madam-We have on hand al
our New York office a package ad-
dressed TO you, which our driver reports
unable TO deliver. Please advise where
same can be delivered on attached
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

seek it during the hours formerly de-
voted to the grindstone. So every day
started out at O'Clock and wandered
up and down and in and out until in
the afternoon. And, incredible as 1t
may seem, I found that vacation.
The main thoroughfares i'm the rush
of the late forenoon. the factories and
the water front during the noon hour
the theaters just before the matinee
parade forms and the rapidly rising
concrete structures two hours before
knocking Off time-these / visited and
studied and for the first time really
saw beheld the tide Of industry
mounting to unsuspeeted heights and
the stream of pleasure flowing in bid-
den hooks and through undreamt of
channels. And the conviction grad
uaily came that a vacation at home is
a stimulating and refreshing experi-
ment after all.
1t was a genuine revelation, and the
secret of it is this: During the 10
months of work ] had walked those
streets and jostled those men in the
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

of ones right haild trousers pocket.
That right hand trousers pocket was
the means q showing me how erron-
eous was my conception of vacation.
Last July came the time for the get
ting back to nature process to start,
and I dug my hand into that trousers
pocket. My tentative fingers disturbed
a few coins that jingled with sickly.
inconsequential apoiogetic sort of
jingle--a very familiar but most un-
popular tune. to the music of which l
was forced to sing the refrain, You
haven't got the wherewith. SO you'll
have 10 stay at home
So 1 stayed; 1 had to. had to forego
the back to nature movement for at
least one year. 1t was rough. very
rough But. on the other hand. I didn't
have to go back to the grfrfdstone.
That right hand trousers pocket was
not quite empty. and besides. my par
ucular grindstone was temporarily
locked up in the woodshed. True. there
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
Vacation Empty ockes rou Enjoyable

n VACATION is. like Boston, a state
Of mind II is not change of
place; it is change of viewpoint.
Probably you don't know this. Well.
] don't blame You. ! spent good
many weary years in unblissful igno-
rance myself I used TO think that
vacation meant getting away from the
''bruising city" for fortnight or So
the longer the better-and dfscarding
linen collars and shaving spas~ndi-
cally and chasing bears and killing
fishes and lying out in hammocl1s and
yielding sway to the soft seductions
OF the moonlight To put it tersely. I
used to think that vacation meant get
ting back to nature. OF course, there
were countless ways of. executing the
annual retrograde movement. the choice
of which depended largely on the state
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
By F. NJ. Gallagher

were other grindstones. but / didn't
know how to turn them; and, anyhow,
! was weary of grindstones. ! really
needed vacation. l couldn't get in
heScountry, SO I set about getting it
right here at home.
The prospect was not particularly
enticing. l lived in a big. noisy city
groaning and sweating in the throes OF
construction. city that I thought
| knew from the hills to the sea, a
city with whose citizens l had rubbed
elbows day in and day out. 10, these
many years. To seek for a vacation
in the streets OF that city or in the by
ways thereof seemed little short Of
mockery. But it was the only possi-
biiity. so | sailed forth on my quest
During the preceding 10 months had
turned my grindstpne almost daily from
3 to 3 o'clock. If, therefore, wanted
to find that vacation at home, must
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

that bill for the furniture you bought
before you removed / don't think you'd
have been troubled with requests for
your new address
The others jaw fell; he stared up at
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
The San Francisco Sunday Call


the speaker. then down at the card.
then. flushing furiously he wandered
out and down the street like man
dazed.
That was the last Of it..
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

Interstate was an express or frelgnt
line, but he would see thence1oftn Ina.
none of his shipments were ever dellv :
cred to such dilatory, unbusinesslike
company, and SO on ror three pages Oh
closely written wrath.
Your average downtown man. VIII
suffer all bumps and blows with cheer
ful, courteous countenance; yet who
will face the sight of hin1v-when his
trade is illegitimately Attacked That
very day Mr.. Abrams ascertained the
whereabouts of postal station o, and
by o'clock next morning he Stood in
the neighborhood of Fifth avenue and
Seventeenth street, studying row OF
lock boxes. After half an hours wait
boy entered, unlocked the box marked
2T, thrust its contents into his mail
pouch and departed whistling. The
watcher also departed. Presently the
boy boarded a car; the other followed
and seated himself opposite his unsus-
pecting guide. 1t was just plain, or
binary office boy of the underwashed
face and overbrushed hair kind, and he
suggested nothing more darkly mys-
terious than .pocketed carfares or fur
tive cigarettes.
The corner on which they alighted
was no less prosaic Mr.. Abrams found
himself before the show windows of
one of the largest and most widely
known furniture dealers in the city,
whose speciality is the complete. fur
nlshinS of flats, apartments and homes
ION easy payments'-see the advertis-
ing columns of all New York dali
ies. Herein the boy entered through
side door, and having passed through
the several saiesroonas delivered his
mail at a window marked collections
Department" After sufficient pause,
Mr.. Abrams gained admittance
What do you know of this?" he
asked the man in charge, and ten
dered him one of the Interstate express,
postals.
That gentleman received it with a
suppressed cape of surprise; he opened
his mouth as if in denial. then his
eye wandered over the surface of his
desk, which was Uttered with similar
postals, and he seemed to reconsider.
At length he returned gruffiy:
What do you want to. know?"
Mr.. Abrams explained in a few ems
phatic terms what he wished to know
and why he had a right to know it..
At the rehearsal of his woes the other
smiled family.
sa M sorry that we gave your people
SO much trouble" he said. However,,
you've heard the last of It. as we are
sending out no more of these cards.
The schemes played out. But, say, it
was good one while it lasted" And
under encouragement he revealed the
details of the, most ingenious method
of collection that has yet been practiced
on New Yorks great army of delin-
quent debtors.
We have already said that the bust
ness specialty of this particular firm
consists in the complete outfitting of
homes on the installment plan. This
feature has gained them an enormous
trade among the poorer classes and a
proportionate number of bad debts.
They are obliged TO pay high commits
sions to their collectors. any of whom
will tell you that collecting in the
The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24
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Remember. do not ask you to take my word
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The San Francisco call., 1909-10-24

Grateful Patrons Tell Of Almost Miraculous
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Ulcers. wild hairs. granu1ated lids disappear al
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has repeatedly edred where all other remedies
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Many have thrown away their glasses after Us
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The San Francisco call., 1909-02-22
GOODS WILL RULE
ON CAMPUS TODAY
College Papers and Athletic Pro-
gram Are Given Over to
Women for One Day

BERKELEY, Feb. 21.-With the OBJ
progress of mundane affairs is con-
cerned mere man is a superhuity and
that woman, particularly the college
woman, is IN every way capable of di-
recting enterprises or great import the
women of the University of California
Will reign supreme on the college
campus tomorrow ana assume charge of
every undergraduate activity for one
day.
The regular issue of the Daily Cali
fornian, the student organ. will be pub
lished under the direction of Miss
Christina Krysto of the senior class.
Under the supervision of Miss Irma
Bromley the college humorous publica-
uon, The Pelican, has made its appear
ance, and the California Occident, edited
by women students under the superyi
sion of Miss Rose Schmidt and Miss
christina Krysto, will be on sale tomor-
row.
Athletic sports will be the principal
attractions of the morning and after
noon AT 10 o'clock crews representing
the four undergraduate classes and a.
crew composed of alumnae will await
eAo Seolt ing Jun ana race over half
mile course on Lake Merritt The oars
women have trained diligently and
there is much speculation as to which
Will be the winning crew.
On the Hearst hall court at 2:sO
o'clock in the afternoon the varsity bas-
ket ball team will line up against the
maids from the San Jose normal school
IN the first game of the season. Between
the halves there will be fencing bouts
between girls from ha
classes. -
The annual colonial ball will be held
IN the evening at Hearst hall, and IT
promises to be one of the most success
ful social gatherings of the college cal
endar.