davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-01-07
PAGE NINE.

human wretches, and her -nillion-dol1ar
husband is SO touched by her tears that he
gives thousand dollars to Charity
After that, he thinks no more Of the bread
line-which will be there every night of the
winter, and which was brought into existence
by the system of laws which made nulti-n1i1-
lonaire out of Gary
In these United States right now, there are
probably two millions Of human beings who
are suffering for the necessities of life,-food.
clothing, shelter
We KNOW this,-the last one Of us knows
1t. With 100000 poor men out OF work, for
several months, who needs to be told what the
women and children have had to endure,
and 31e now enduring, and will continue to
endt1res unless relieved?
Yet nothing adequate is do~e. The President
doesn't get wrough, tip and order the battle
ships to the scene of suffering. Kings, poten-
tates, and powers do not shell oft spondulix.
The Pope does not contribute $2OOOoo the
Kaiser does not butt in with his little ST, FOO;
J. ?. Morgan does not send check for $4,000
with request that all the papers take notice:
Kings Of England and of Italy, etc, do not has
tily give away some Of the cash which isn't
theirs; the Steel Trust does not cough I'D
$4,000, with a mental reservation to get it
back from the people, pretty soon; and the
Sk1bo hunlbug and the Oil tank hvpocrite
don't go down into their jeans; and all the ed
ltors don't begin to play on the vanity Of the
fellows who give a certain amount because
that's the only way they can get to see their
names in print.
La what world.
But you ust let nature shoot off one OF her
guns, somewhere, and create situation that's
dramatic,-then watch Charity Cit tip high
didos
A few years ago nature shot off a yaScano
down at Martnique-a little one-borse Island,
Of West India, which island is inhabited chiefly
by colored people who don't wear anything
much, and who get all they want to eat b.
combing the beach, milking the goat, and pull
ing things off vines, bushes ard trees
Well Sir nature had no sooner fired off that
volcano than the whole civilized world got aQi-
tated, and began to send supplies to those Mig
gers. Our President and Congress and Gov
eminent and Public Opinion were not to be
outdOne by any others whatsoever and Our
battleships and Our public money and our
army rations and DIR naval stores, all went
pell-melling toward Martinique, to relieve the
distress Of those niggers; and when the
first American vessel drew alongside the dock,
or wharf,-or whatever it is they get off on
down there,-what should they see but Mig
ger huckster, who had come to sell them some
thing to eat!
Now over in the large island Of Sicily,
very terrible thing has happened A series of
earthquakes and volcano eruptions have de
stroyed about quarter of million people.
We are profoundly sorry for the dead; and we
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-01-07


er said that Joe Bailey said
"WANTON MAIDS"
A somewhat different proposition
But ever since printing was invented the
types have been playing such tricks Just to
soothe Vardaman,-w we like immense
1--WE will give a few of the instances in
which printers have landed on helpless
authors.
noted preacher, Rev. Dr. Bethune dis
coursed, one Sabbath, and used the words,
and the adversary came among them and
sowed tares"
Next morning DR.. Bethune picked up the
paper to read his sermon, and lost all appe-
tite for breakfast when he found that his words
had been printed thus: An adversary came
among them and sawed trees"
The poet, I. B. Aldrich, has poem in which
occurs the line
"But the old wound breaks out anew
The New York Leader once reprinted the
poem, and the prosac printer set the line I'D
in this improved way
But the old woman breaks out anew
Governor Vardaman no doubt has his ag-
gravatlons, but what are his compared to those
Of the agricultural paper which offered a prem
lum for the best mode Of irrigation?
The printer set it up premium for the best
mode Of irritation" and the consequence was
that several old farmers sent their wives to
claim the prize!
Really, friend Vardaman, we think that
: You, thus far have got off light
Suppose Sir, that you had written the obit-
uary of a friends deceased wife and had al
luded to the bereaved husband saying that he
twas hardly able to bear the demise Of his
wife" and suppose that your printers had SIT
it UP SO as to make you say that your sorrow
ing friend twas hardly able to wear, the
chemise Of his wife, what would you have
done? 1t happened that way to an editor
once, and it may happen to any of us, any
day Consider the narrowed feelings Of the
poet who wrote,
"See the pale martyr III the sheet Of fire.
and whose eyes nearly popped out of his dizzy
head when he saw that the printer had changed
it to,
"See the pale martyr with his shirt on fire"
Of course, Governor, you've heard Of the
! writer who prefxed an elegant quotation to
Mis- article, thus:
"Shoot folly as it fies-Pope.'
You remember that the printer was in
hurry, or drunk, or crazy, or something, and
that the line, when it appeared in print, was
"Shoot Polly as she fies-Pop."
Then, too, all the world has heard of the ed
itor who intended to state the wine production
O. Gascoi2ade County and whom the printers
inad>~ say, "The wife crop in Gasconade county,
yielded 5000 gals
Said the minister in his sermon, eve are but
parts of one stupendous whole" The printer
thought the preacher meant "whale," and used
that word
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-01-07
5be Jeffersonton

without her, man would be savage; and
suppose next morning you saw it in print,
punctuated thus
woman, without her man, would be a
savage? You would be in hot water, sure
enough, wouldn't you?
There is an edition of the Bible, which is
known as the Vinegar Bible" The C1aren-
don Press printed it in 1917 and the printers
headed the Goth chap of Luke,
Parable of the Vinegar
An even worse error crept into the Book Of
Common Prayer. The passage, eve shall all
be changed in the twink1ing of an eye" lost the
in the controlling word, and the startled wor-
shippers read, eve shall all be hanged in the
twinkling Of eye"
Do you recall, Governor, the Portsmouth
(Ma1ne) Argus, whose editor undertook to
publish complimentary notice of the return
to town of one Of the 'most principal1ist"?
The editor referred to him as "a noble old
bnreher, proudly loving his native state"
When the printer got through with it, the
line read this way,-"a nobby old burglar
proving around in a naked state"
In McMaster's History of the American
People, the types make him allude to the
Spartan band at Thermopo1ae as ''the Spartan
bard.''
L
who had distinguished himself therein, was
given complimentary notices in the papers
One Southern editor wrote "a piece" in which
the homecoming soldier was called "a battle
SCARED veteran" Un1ucki1y, the printer omit
ted one of the rs in the word SCARED, and the
notice read "a battle scared veteran"
General Pillow, boiling with just indigna-
ton, rushed to the editorial ROOM and de-
manded an explanation This was given, read
lily, and regrets were expressed. and the hero
Modified. Of course, correction was prom
ised for next morning.
Alas who can tell what the types will do?
Next morning the had got back into the word
SCARED, but the imp of the perverse had put
the letter into the word battle,-so that Gen
eral Pillow was described as "a bottle SCARED
veteran"
So you perceive, Governor, others besides
ourselves, have had their worries over typo
graphical errors.
The Eccenfy1cify Of Human Nature.
Human nature is a mystery not to be faith
omed To its marvellous capers, no limits can
be set; and where it will break out next, no
seer could predict,
When President Garfield was killed, the sur
geons who botched the case, by following pus
sack instead Of the bullet, had mighty tough
time getting the government to pay them fees
for the mistakes they had made.
And the virtuous1y indignant New York pa
pers raped poor old Dr. Hamilton SO hard,
for presenting a modest bill of $4,000, that
the veteran surgeon never held up his head
again.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
An Inaensndent Miller.

When Frederick built his famous
palace OF Sans Souci there happened
10 be- a mill that greatly hampcred him
Ia the execution of his plans. and he
asked the miller for how much hc
would sell IT, The miller replied that
for n long series Of years his family
had owned the mill. which had passed
not sell IL for any price. The king
used every solicitation. offered TO build
him mill in a better place and pay
him. besides. any sum he might de
mand. Tut the obstinate miller still per.
sisted in Ills determination To preserve
the Inheritance Of his ancestors
Irritated al last by his conduct. the
king sent for him and said In an an
CRY tone:
why do you refuse TO sell your mill
Notwithstanding all the advantages !
have offered yOu:"
The miller repeated his reasons
do You know" continued the king.
that ] could take IL without giving
you u penny"
Yes" returned the miller calmly. eli
IL were not for the chamber Of justice
at Berlin"
The king was SO BATTERED 10y this an.
swer. which showed that he was inca.
Pahle Of an act of injustice. that ne
dismissed the miller without further
enlreary aud changed the plan VI his
garden.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
A Philosophers Fable.

Arthur Aull Is responsible for this
one:
Polly. Genius and Common Sense
once went walking aud came To n
stream Genius. having his head IN
the clouds, naturally started 10 wade
across. paying 10 attention To the
depth. The waters Soon went over his
head. aud he was drowned Common
Sense hunted for safe way Ia get
across. aud finally he found u foot log
As hc gut out about the center 1T the
stream the log swaycd, and be- fell into
the water aud sank q rise no more
Folly stopped nt the bank ~ the
stream To amuSe himself by throwing
pebbles into the water and watching
the waves. lie sat upon the moist.
cold bank uitil he caught "a cold which
developed into pneumonia. ~ which
be- soon died Moral doesn't make
much difference. after al. whether
You are genius. sage or fool
Youl get II sooner ur later anyway"
Exchange
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
DON'T EXPERIMENT
You Will Make No Mistake II You
Follow This Advice.

Never neglect your kidneys.
Ii You have pain la the back, uri
many disorders. dizziness and nerv.
OusnesS, its time to act and no time
10 experiment. These are all symp.
toms Of kidney trouble, and you should
seek a remedy which is known TO
cLre the kidneys.
Doan's Kidney Pills Is the remedy
20 use. No need to experiment. II
aas cured many stubborn cases in
his vicinity.
Can Gainesville residents demand
fl. ther proof than that contained H.
the following testimonial?
Oscar OstCrman, of Starke. Fla
says: Il give Deans Kidney PHI
H. highest recommendation as they
proved Of more benefit TO me than any
o. or remedy | had previously used
{ differed from kidney trouble for
st .ae time, The kidney secretions
we're too frequent in passage and !
%as forced to arise from six to eight
times during the night. also had
Oackache and was bothered by a pain
through my loins. I finally procured
DOan's Kidney Pills and they soon
hclped me. by the time I had taken
the contents OF two boxes, the back
aches and pains entirely disappear
ID and the passages of the kidney
secr,tions soon became regular. /
now feel fifty per cent better than
before in a long time"
For sale 10y all dealers. Price 80
'ents FosterM.iburn Co. Buffalo.
New York. sole agents for the United
states.
Remember the Doan's-and
take no other.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
Children Of Criminals.

IL j. II curious idCt--uue all at Vari-
ancc with the do, trines 81 heredity.
but borne out 10y police recOrds-that
the children ~ crooks, 81 all classes
rarely turn out 10 be Cruuks them
selves Deeper study ~ the subject
might reveal that they are possessed
~ the criminal instincts, hut that the
trasIcally close cXampi" II the punish
Wyut and Wr,,chcGuc,, that attend q
criminal career hI, been a terrifying
deterrent Tho fact, ut any rate, re-
maiu, The ru-uvs' galleries 81 Scot
land Yard, New York aud Chicago
may De- studied IN vain Tor the photo
graphs al a father aud sou.-Argu-
maui
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
'rha Oldaat.

Three old sports were chatting after
a cOplous dinner. when one OF them
said. Il bet 81 my name Is the oldest
The bet was Immediately accepted
and he produced his card. reading mir
Abel"
''Oh. dear So" said the second. show,
ing his card. II am Mr.. Adam"
Milne Is the bet" replied the other
producing his card. and they could
read Mr. o. Ginning" printed on it,
Judges Library.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
UNION ACADEMY.
Patrons Endorse Action Of suPs. Kelley
IN Holding Oral Examination.

In Holding oral examination
In response TO a call of Dr. r. II.
,,er chairman OF the colored board
% trustees. the patrons OF Union
academy met on August Goth at the
.chool building. After discussing
manv vital school questions an ad.
,dsory board was elected to cooper.
.,a with the county and sub-district
boards. after which the following
resolutions we're unanimously adopted:
Whereas, for some time there have
heen rumOrs aflOat AS to fraud in
examinations among some OF Alachuas
teachers. and whereas as result of
these rumors the Honorable Board
~ Public instruction and Supt. DR.
Kelley + AlachLa county have recent
~ taken measures to purify the pro-
fession OF teaching in Alachua county
and especially Gainesville;
Therefore. be 1t resolved, That We,
,he patrons OF Union Academy and
citizens of Gainesville. do hereby en-.
dorse the action of the board in Civ.
ing the teachers an oral examination,
thus enabling the true teachers to
come from under the cloud OF sus-
picion.
Re IL further resolved. That we
thank The board for its action with
regard TO Union Academy, the evident
object OF WHICH was to place the
school on a higher plane o! usefuln, So,
and since Union Acadcmy Is the only
high school in the county for negro
youths. We pray the Honorable Board
that hereafter. as far as practicable,
they appoint a man who has al least
a normal education. and can furnish
testimony Of successful experience in
high.school work. as principal; and
BE il further resolved That in all
things pertaining to the betterment
OF our school interests, we pledge our
hearty support
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
THE DUTCH KITCHEN.
Largest Room In the House and Has .
Bed In the Corner.

Bed In the Corner.
Holland. ~ all countries. Is n memo.
rial To the unceaslng labor ~ mans
hands. II exists not because the sea
higher than its green stretches. suffers
IL to. but because man by the labor Of
his hands and Of his brain has kent
the water back. The Dutch people
have not only earned their Ia nd they
have made IL.
when have they found time TO do
Il ALP you ask yourself. hut you are
20 know more OF the work which In
Holland never ceases or the work
which goes on within those houses you
know nothing until at Delft you make
your FIRST acquaintance with a Dutch
kitchen.
The kitchen Is properly a large room
as compared with tho other rooms In
the house. for Il Is the gathering place
at all times for the family. The table
Is round and stands not quite In the
center Of the room. but so that the
mistress. sitting at one side. can reach
her hand out 10 the stove without ris-
ing
In one corner OF the kitchen Is such
bed as you have never seen before
The siiffiy starched white muslin cur
Ialns make IL look Ike blind window.
but the grandson pulls the curtains
back. and In the recess formed by the
closet on one side aud the corner OF
the room on the other you see the
place where your hostess sleeps. There
are high feather bed and many cover.
ings.
The stove Is brick one. set In a
deep old trrplacs. The Old manfel Is
piled with brass vessels. which the
lid woman uses as though they were
Cnmmon 'in On one side IL china
statue 1T the Virgin. On the either side
under glass globe Is waxPn statue
Of Queen Wilhelmlna In her wedding
gown New Idea Magazine.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
THE HURRYlMG BARBER.
Speed Manifested Mere In the Motions
Than In the Results.

BARRIERS" remarked the man with
the short hair. are born unable to
hurry Just you go into a shop. as I
lid the other day. wanting hair cut.
and ask the barber how long II will
take. lie told me. oh. about twenty
minutes" and I said Ia go ahead.
THAT barber honestly believed he
was hurrying. but he couldn't leave
out those little snip-snips about the
back of the neck they are all so fond
IF doing. and he had tO cut the hair as
II he were chiScling priceless marble.
When IL got to be- about half an hour
! said TO him. You're pretty had
judge 81 time. aren't your lie came
back with something about not want.
Ing TO turn out poor job.
i've known IL TO happen often In
the case Of shaving. When you tell q
barber Ia hurry hc dishcs around ON
the tiled floor at imminent risk IL fall
ing. and b. s'lGShcs the lathcr into
your eyes and yuGr mouth. but the fact
rcmaiIS that u" takes ~ much time
as usual to rub the Luther Into your
face aud as much time 10 shave you.
II LpGin ~ b"'icv" tacrc Is some
sort of rule regarding time that all
BARRIERS observe, b~auSc ] have timed
them once q ,k,d barber to hurry
shaving me. and he had all the motions.
but took M just as much time a.
when hc went along at his usual gait.
Il imagine they believe the customer
vii be satisfied with the appearance
~ speed. and that's the reason they
rup around So and breathe heavily as
side of the chair Co the Other."-New
York sun.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
AMERICAN WANOERLUST.
A Habit Which Strengthens tho Co.
hesive Unity Of the Nation.

heSiNe SntNg oT tne NSNSh.
Less than half the members of the
United States senate ana house Of rep
rc,entatives are native born In the
states which they represent. Nothing
could more clearly show the alert ac-
tivities OF the American people aud
that constant intermingling Of the In
habitants Of the several states which
adds So much TO the cohesive unity Of
the nation. The boy who goes TO a
distant state often accOmplishes more
than the one who goes straight ON I'm
the footprints OF his father in the
home village. Even Daniel Webster
was not born In the old Bay State.
whose influence and dignity he so well
sustained and whose people mOurned
him so sincerely when his great life
closed.
This wandering from state To state
has resulted In the organizing In New
York city OF many state societies.
which aim TO gather together the ma
tivcs Of their respective states an
nually To revive the pleasant memories
OF the old home days, with their thou
sand clinging ties.
What would happen IL the Amcri-
can people should cease "a wander
about the country: Is n question often
asked. IL Il said that an eastern man
never amounts To anything until he
goes west and that a western man
has TO come east In order To attain his
full stature mentally. The northern
man is advised to go south Ia learn
gentle courtesy and chlvalric bearing,
the sOutherncr to go NJ al To add
more iron to his blood. There can be-
no doubt that this cot SAINT evolution
has encouraged the bir,A g. NV IDEAS.
just as the whirling OF thu Kaleidoscope
developed n toy into our present VOL
derful moving pictures. which gives Us
glimpses OF life In motion all over the
world.-Joe Mitchell Chapple In Ma
tional Magazine.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01

Comuodorr Vanderbilt discovered In
James II Hullyr then 10 the employ
Of the Erie railroad a man he believed
the freight department ~ the central
needed, ,ay, t.r Baltimore News. IL
i related that some time after hr took
charge u the ,vulris trade oihrr
Rutlcr called "u the cummudurr To
submit plan Ter improvement When
be- bad stated thr ease the president
lonkrl 40 him sharply aud asked
"Ruttyr What does thu New Nork
Central pay you sl5uH q year furs"
The reply vas "ior managing the
frrighJ train d,parl mrut'
And Jbrn The yuumu,lure said, Well.
,uu duut rSpr,I mr 10 earn Jour sal
ara fur sou. du youF'
Uutr,r went nut aud carFie,i through
hl. ruu uu u., uWn iudEn,snl The ~.
suF uts tIgty satisfactory huttur
u,,l president ~ the tvnlFal
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
a Briaht Boy.

Now. Tommy" said the teacher.
''you may give me au example OF coin
cidpnce"
"Wby-er." said Tommy. with some
hesliation-"why- er-why. me ladder
and me muddeT was both married on
de same day."-TIarper's Weekly.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
shrswd Girl.

Ella-fsella Is an economical girl.
Stella-ThPre II no doubt about that.
She IL engaged 10 a clergyman. aud
he says that she asked him II he
couldn't psrform the marriage cere-
mony and save the wedding fee New
York TreSs
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
Hoppity Hop.

Are you just barely getting around
by the aid OF Crutches or a cane?
Unle~- y1u have lost limb or have
a deforMlty-if your trouble is rhcuma-
tism. lumhago. sprain, stiff joints. or
anything Of like nature, use Ballard's
Snow L.u.ment and in no time YOU
can throw away your Crutchcs aud
be- a. v,il as anyone. Price 2jC. sc
ami Sl.a. Sold by ". VI. Johnson.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
National Pride.

Sleepy EIinS see dis paper says
England and Wales have 1:sLiHn pan.
Peers Weary Watkins Dai's lust like
De- English nl'u~ hI"win abuut some,
thin N.ls"rS Statesman
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01

Some article that is simply ''in the
way" at your house might II adver
tised. be sold TO someone who Is anx
iously looking for u
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
seanoarn Az LLle.
Tampa ard Jaesson.l q. r.

one Nho lives In q furnished room
can be pretty "indepeudent"-tor the
eds Keep the best y be had Withln
hla reach
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
The Finest Materials.
Latest Methods Of Practice.

FEE have conscientiOusly COT
sitered this question. and aim 20
make my charges as low as First
Class Work will permit.
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
AND DEPARTURE OF
TRAINS.
Puslish for lnformst VI the
Genera Pubi,e.
Atlantic ceast Lire.

General Pubic.
Atlantic ceast Lire.
i.g. GfI.lc for JiC,,it.y 7.I5a. 800 p.
,r. C.llr ~. Jacktillo l-..o p. 7:3D =.
.... GN. tor Ooala o. Tampa 1880 p.
LN. G'nlr for Micauopy, Etc ESQ .. m.
~. Gllla for High :. Frc. a.ao p. M.
e.. GNu.c tor Trenton, E.,.. $3.50 .. Ia.
... G..l. Tor Woo, lI.. -.-, p. m.
B.. u.m southern rou,- ..a, 20. "a.
"A. DtHlr r NiDuop Etc. "a. q. m.
ST. I.tFr .r V..n S Et. 2. ". p. M.
Ar. G,l'o fr Trenton Ero 1880 p. M.
Ar GylIr sr WHo9E Eve $3.50 O. %.
seahoara AZ L,1e.
~ G,il,r for Jaok,illr $50" q. 800 %.
~. Gainesville Tor Cedar Er, :. 40 ..
Ar G,u,r o.. ia k,i.'r b.. o.. O.. 30 ..
Ar G,ulc from Cedar H.. $40 a IA.
Tampa and Jsekson.i.i s n. =.
Nv. G,llr fur MI,anop, 1910 a. IA
~. G,llle Toe sampson Gus d o. VA
Ar G,lIlr from Mi,auup, 800 o. IA
Az G,illc IT. Samp-ou Cit. lo.io D. m
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01
MALARIA.


q "f"t'fHtftE ~ = 1HAtuHNFuE z HF"s
Mis-, lNahci saith, La|!ss. Urtcs Fob.
1893, PAM-ALA b., absolutely cuIyi me
~ Malaria .' ltlls and isg,rl Pc s.iuo
months t-sat have lived D.. the -aau.l1 so
l.ui-.aLA. mover s,a s veil dat Go a.t
months. M,ar,a has bel u.rt u 10, grip
aui fF the pa. -rt.H seeks I b.. l..I
ruHhlrl 90 bot. ltaAbs 90 fam-'a all
nuW entirely Uru--....H
Gainesville daily sun. (Gainesville, Fla.) 190?-1938, 1909-09-01

The sue once Toe salliRE cards,