The newspaper., 1909-04-16

YOU while you was candidate for Of
flee. They did it, and it worked. L
have a letter from the secretary OF
the order thanking me for the sug-
gestion. He says they came near
loosing you after election; but that
you were then under such heavy OBJ
legations to the boys thatyou hadn't
the moral courage to welsh.
In the first place, Gubby, never
present yourself for degrees in any
order without first putting on clean
underclothing whole preferred)-h
you have it. This precaution will
give you dignified sense of security,
and it may spare you embarrassment.
/ saw fellow once who-but let it
go. Take my word on this point,
without illustration.
On the fatal night fixed for your
first degree, be sure to arrive at
lodge headquarters on time: other
wise it may be surmised that you
are afraid. Perish the thought. Re
gardless of the perturbation OF your
viscera, play the lion and do not
bray.
Arrived at the lodge headquarters,
you may gain an idea OF eternity
while waiting for the show to begin.
Mop your brow and be calm.
Sounds OF laughter and the ting
ting-tang OF hammer may reach
YOU from inner chambers. Be OF
good cheer. The laughter means
Won and the scaffold under construc-
ton is for you; but you are not to
be hanged until wholly dead-at
least not yet.
At last, shackled, blindfolded, and
sworn to eternal secrecy, you will be
ordered to rise and march. Obey.
The guard will assist you, with the
point of his spear When he har-
poons you. pretend to like it. BE
game, he philosopher.
Now comes the music, 'Tum-tum-
te-tum, tum-tum- te-tnm" Keep step
Gubby, keep step and step hight is
a death march, apparently wrung
from "a debilitated melodian by an
osteopath. Hoist up those hind legs
of yours, like a blind Arabian charg-
er with the springhalt. Swing your
feet forward judiciously. like an eie-
phant crossing a viaduct. Should
your three hundred weight OF adipo-
cere land kerplunk in the subcellar OF
"A bottomless pit, it might muss
your clothes. 30 he careful.
Ifyou escape accidents, you may
eventually come to parade rest" In
the Opaque middle of ofnowhere. There
you must listen to an outpouring of
ritualistic eloquence, varied by oc-
bursts of original diction
and grammer. BE patient under this
affiiction, Gubby. One must not be
hypercritical when handcuffed. blind
folded, and anchored to ball and
chain. Seated on IA stool upholstered
with barbed wire. preserve unrufiied
calm, and drink I'm the lecture rap
turously.
my brother" the lecturer will say
.you are about to set out on a tenn
pestuous voyage over a hilly road.
'Blest be the ties that bind, ana
no moaning Of the bar when put
out to sea-"
Whatever you may meet, meet 1t
whatever you may en-
counter, encounter 1t courageously;
whatever you may suffer, suffer it
manfully. Remember, "'Tis better
hayeto loved and lost than never
to have loved at all"
This, Gubby, is IA fair specimen OF
lodge ritualistic work. 1t is literary
mince pie. You are not unduly lit
erary; so you won't be offended.
You VIII think it is grand, and 1t Is
in it's way-like hash to hungry
man. II is better literature than
you are accustomed. to. 1t may be
a little deep for you; but it Is uplift-
ing, and uplift is what you need.