The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-02-07
The Barren Inventor.

profound, condemned at recent DIN
ner the work of a certain charity So
ciety.
"In fact said the noted actress,
smiling, q this society reminds me very
forcibly of Cincinnati tramp.
"This tramp, ragged and forlorn,
stood up one cold morning in the police
court dock, and the magistrate, frown-
ing at him, said:
- Professional
" INVENTOR was the reply, in a
hoarse voice.
i" What have you inventeds' asked
the magistrate.
q Nothing said the prisoner, still
more hoarsely; but I'm trying to. y
Detachable Coifures.
"John D. Rockefeller coiffeur, !"
said an actress, ''waves the hair
beautifully, and whenever I'm in
Paris l visit his shop.
''On my last visit, talking about wigs
and false curls and such things, NJ.
Autard said:
What would the world do with
out us coiffeurs?'
"And he declared that the prettiest
actress in Paris was giving tea one
afternoon, when her hairdresser was an
| nounced.
90 My hairdresser, eh?' she said.
well, show him into the boudoir and
tell him to begin at once. III be with
him in an hour. -
+ One Swallow, Etc.
H. K. Adair, a western detective,
was talking in Duluth about criminals
and the new year.
Undeniably,' he said, "crime does
| in some slight degree diminish in Janu
airy, on account of the criminals new
| year resolutions. But new year reso-
| luton doesn't make permanently
| good man any more than one swallow
| makes a summer.
| s'Last season. he said, stmy in
vestigations of 'crime passionnel' in
Chicago-that hotbed of crimes pas
sionnels caused me TO disguise my
self as tramp.
| s'Shadowing a governess, I sat on a
park bench on a bright afternoon, and
beside me sat a comfortable old gem
tleman in blue goggles. I had on the
worst rags and tatters you can imagine.
I was especially proud of my coat-a
black coat.
"Well, the old gentleman, after a
time, began to talk to me. He said:
g Before my sight failed I was a
| tailor-and, | assure you, sir, sue,
eessful tailor. [ knew my business.
s'He laid his hand on my arm and
/ felt the texture of a green patch cut
from a coat that had been given me
/ by the valet of a Michigan avenue
clubman.
g Thus, simply by the feel of this
| eloth,' he said, Il know that you are
wearing a suit of imported cloth worth
from seventy to eighty dollars. /"
A Strange Hate.
Albert Kirby Fairfax--now, since
the dictum of the house of lords,
| the real Lord Fairfax-talked at an
American dinner party in London about
his new title.
ssSnce the title was mine,'' he said,
"I wanted it acknowledged. Now I
am used to it-already used to it. In
| fact, L am already tired of the eternal
your lordship this and your lordship
| that which servants SO literally rain
| on me.
cone can get tired, you know, even
of the most delightful things. I have
a friend, an old soldier, who is a keep
er in the little park of Russell square.
The daily drudgery has given the old
man a perfect hatred for the open air.
And every evening at 9, when he en-
tiers the dark, smoky, stuffy tavern of
the Maybe and Cock, he initiates his
chest, shifts, smiles and says:
q Now, at last, / can breathe free
lyi"
The Boss.
Mr.. Croker, at a banquet, said
of boss of the past:
ono wonder he succeeded. He was
so kind to his supporters. 1t was his
boast that he never forgot friend. In
his zeal to live up to that boast he
sometimes made mistakes.
"Once, for instance, an Albany sup
porter got married, and, on the birth
of little girl, invited the boss to come
and be godfather at his daughter s
christening.
'The boss was always busy. He was
always getting his appointments con
i fused. And three months behind time
he turned up at his Albany supporter Z
house with vague idea that something
or other was expected of him-he didn =
exactly know what.
Correcting him, the supporter gave ;
| bitter laugh.
J g so you haven t forgotten my lit
: tie girl, after ala he said, jeeringly.
% OF course, haven't forgotten
| her, said the boss. He selected ont
| from large bundle of papers in hi
| wallet. Here is her appointment to
$4,000 clerkship in the Smithsonian.
Fools VS.. Race Suicide.
II civilian Jennings Bryan is Yer.
popular as a lecturer said
Lincoln man. GA lecture by Brya
means a crowded house always.
| Introducing Mr.. Bryan [ once prais
ed his eloquence, his wit and his learn
ing. He responded to my praise in
II pleased way. He said | had bee
potter than old P. I. Barnum.
II esp. t. he explained, 'was in
II crusty mood one morning when Jenn
| Lind the famous singer, capered int
bis office, rumpled up his hair, an
said:
Il g Mr. Barnum, how do YOU accour
for my tremendous popularity9
II It's just a fad, P T. gruntec
L ( ia f,1 = :