davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Family Jars

Schoolmaster Ito his wifel-My dear,
I wish you would speak more careful
". You say that Henry Jones came to
this town from Sunderland
Wife-Yes.
SchooImaster-Well, now, wouldn't
II be better TO say that he came from
Sunderland TO this town.
Wife-I don't see any difference In
the two expressions.
Schoolmaster-But there is q differ
ence, a rhetorical difference. You
don't hear me make use OF such awk-
ward expressions. By the way, have
a letter from your father in my pocket.
Wife-But my father is not in your
pocket. You mean you have In your
pocket letter from my father.
SchOolmaster - There you 60 with
your little bubbles. You take a de-
light in harassing me. You are al
WAYS taking up a thread and repre-
senting it as a rope.
Wife-Representing it to be rope,
you mean
Schoolmaster - For goodness sake
be quiet. Never saw such a quarrel
some woman in my life.-London
Scraps.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Pretty Slow.

Horace L. Moore was lieutenant colo
mel Of the noted Nineteenth Kansas
cavalry. He could lead men for long
er period without rest on a single ra-
tion Of cheerful good humOr than any
other officer. Though not given TO
Jokes, he was the reputed author Of
as many astonishers as the great Lin
coin.
One time, on the march, he sent an
orderly with a message to an officer at
some distance. Before the man was
out Of hearing Moore shouted: "Hey,
orderly! Come back here"
He came galloping back, sitting limp
" In the saddle.
Moore dropped his voice and, assum-
ing q half confidential manner, tnquir-
ed, "Orderly, in the course OF your life
have you ever seen a snail?'
Eyes. sir" was the astonished reply.
sYou met him, then" replied Moore,
'.for you'd never overtake oneT-Kan-
sas City Journal.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Hlckr StarN.

II was IN 1871 that Hicks first made
a county name as a witty raconteur.
In that year Sir Samuel Spry, who had
been member Tor Bodmin since the
great reform bin, lost his seat and If
\ petuIant mood took legal proceedings
against Hicks on the ground that be
had abused his ofieial position to In
fuence voters at the poll In the
course Of the trial Hicks was called
upon to- state what be had to say IN
his defense. In the course Of bis state
ment he asked leave Of the court to
illustrate his position by a story. Bis
request being assented TO, he related
how a few days previously he had
been 10 see a lad whom he knew well
who was laid up from a fall from a
vicious donkey, which had kicked out
an his front teeth. The lad, said
Hicks, had taken the matter In the
most kindly way and had said to him
HTisn't the fan, Mr.. Hicks. and 'tisnt
the vaIly of the teeth what annoys
me, but it's the nashty, CHASTITY,
wishous disposition OF the jackass."
Sir Samuel Spry sprang up in the
well OF the court in a fury and ex-
claimed, He has called me a jack
assP' The court was convulsed with
laughter, and Hicks was promptly and
fully acquitted Of the trumpery charge
brought against him.-Cornhill Maya
zine.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
ri. Business ABILITY.

In the Adirondacks lives man too
lazy TO work, but evidently Of great
business ability. One winter when be
was sitting around smoking his family
came so near starvation that some OF
his neighbors, who could I'll afford TO
help him. took up a collection and
bought for the suffering family bar
rel Of -four, a barrel Of pork and a
load of wood. They were not constd-
crate enough TO cut the wood but the
business man knew how TO manage.
he hired some Of the neighbors who
had not contributed to his donation to
cut the wood and paid them with half
the pork and half the hour.-Lippin-
cotfss.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Admirablx Eauipp.d.

Cardinal Mezzofanti, the famous
italian hngufst, who died at the age
Of seventy-fYe. knew and could speak
more than fifty languages. BE could
entertain his English friends with
specimens Of the Yorkshire dialect and
his French or German visitors with
the patois Of their respective eoun-
tries. Dear mey' exclaimed Lord
Byron. to whom this was told HE
ought to have been the custodian OF
the tower OF BabeIF'
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Soma SLANG Words.

A remarkable fact is that many slang
words have a classical origin. For
example, the word mill" vuigarism
for a fight, is traceable TO the Greek
word ''hamilla." which means a COM
bat.
"UncIe," the affectionate term for a
pawnbroker. is derived from the Latin
''uncus," a hook on which the article
pledged was hung.
To 60 before 1.-THE beak" is a distinct
reference TO the old Roman custom OF
adjoining the platform from which jus
tice dispensed with the beaks Of ships,
which platform came to be called the
rostrum, that being the Latin for a
beak or prov.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

The rich bachelor sighed and looked
at the beautiful girl fxedly. Things
are at skies and sevens with me- 1
feel the great need Of a woman in my
home. one who could straighten out
my tangled affairs and make life worth
living again" Her glance spoke an
interest which approximately expecta-
tion. "YesTs she queried softly. He
blurted out. do you know Of any
good, ablebodied woman whom could
get to clean hOuseT"-Argonaut
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

Young wife-I am determined to
learn at what hour my husband comes
home at nights Yet do what VIII
1 cannot keep awake. and he Is always
careful not to make particle OF noise
Is there any drug which produces
wakefulness2 Old Wife-No need to
buy drugs. Sprinkle the door with
tacks.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
ar,I,sa.t Month";

A traveller stopped at hotel In
Greenland, where the nights are six
months long. and as he registered
asked question Of the clerk
s'what time do you have breakfastr
sFrom half past March to quarter
70 May."-Harper's Weekly.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

-What sort Of an after dinner speaE-
e. Is BllgginsT
zone Of the kind who start In BY
saying they didn't expect to be called
on and then proceed to demonstrate
that they can't be called oR-"-Ex-
ehanee.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

FrIend-That new gardener seems TO
be q very hard worker. .Suburbanite
--Yes. that's his specially. Friend
Whats Working2 Suburbanits-Eo.
seeming to.-ToWn Topics.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

The worlds supply Of OF Of berga-
mot comes nom 4 comparatively small
part Of calabria. n the extreme south
q italy. fronting on the strait Of Mes
ana.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20
Aristoorstio Fowls.

@Do animals have their social Gus
toms and institutionsy"
''I presume %. I have no doubt that
the geese have their descendants OF
the eackIers who saved Rome. Puck.
The broad ax., 1909-03-20

sTast right we parted forever
sThen I7suppose Ferdy wa not can
tonight.
No, bur hen SPEND the evening BE-
hind tree across the street Louis
vfls courier-JOurnal
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
oRPHEUM THEATRE.

The rule of big Sunday night audiences
WASH broken at the OTpheum last night
and neither was the regulation REGARDING
high-class programs. The program this
week presents a vaTiety-mostIy fun-that
strikes an even balance, and headlfners
are hard TO pick, although. judging from
the spontanefty of applause, Hal Cod
trey and company, presenting "A Very
Bad Boy, won the place at the head of
the list, with other features following
closely.
The Godfrey company furnishes enough
amusement IN 20 minues to ripple through
a whole evening. In the character of a
tutor, Mr.. Godfrey combines the frOlic of
a Jag with the eccentricity of a parson
and worms himself in and out of situa
tons that keep the house in an uDroar
His associates are clever in their minor
roles, and the slit may be said to be the
hit of the show.
George Perry and Miss Lee White sing
and talk themselves into popular favor
although those who heard Miss White
sing could not refrain from feeling that
so superb a voice could be used to bet
ter advantage than singing parodies on
such songs as 81 Want Some one to Love
Me. Dearly. However. she makes the best
use OF her voice and in a charming way
wins her audience while Mr.. Perry's
parOdies and line of talk are so good as to
be nearly original.
Lovers of vaudeville remember the name
of General Edward LaNine and when
ever he is billed those who have once
seen him never fail TO call again. As q
fantastic figure and eccentric iuggler hs
has always been in a class by himself
His temperance at the Orpheum last
night was the occasion of a joyous well
come.
Lee Milar Anna McNaughton and vii
liam S. Donovan present "A Midnight In
truder' in a breezy way, but the piece
lacks the element of consuming interest
Beginning what looks like something un-
usual i'm short sketches, it dwindles into
an impossible situation and ends into a
strained climax that has neither inten-
sity iu itself or justification in the story
that led no TO IT,
Keno. Walsh and Melrose introduce n
tumblinP and acr0batic novelty that is
new and interesting, while the Great
Caicedo performs thrilling stunts on the
slack wire.
As character sketches go. the efforts Of
Eva Williams and lack Tucker in pre-
senting "Skinnys Finish" viii be re-
garded as a triumph. though it lacks es-
Sential human interest or the elements of
high-grade comedy
Taken as a whole. the Orpheum bill this
week is better than usual, and II the APP
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
SERMON ON GOOD MEN
Great Christian Soldiers Are Praised
by the Rev. Charles Curtis
Mcintyre.

The sermon delivered by the Rev
Charles Curtis Mcintyre at the West
minister Presbyterian church services yes
terday was on Thomas Kane and the
Kingdom of God" and the pastor spoke
of the work of Mr. Kane and other
Christian Churchmen in part as follows:
AS in all ages of Gods ministry to
men there have been chosen men and
women from the business and profession
al life for some special religious work
so is it prOnOUncedly true in this gener-
alton. Out of the strong ranks Of Chris
tian laymen in America there have passed
10 the land Of reward several princely
men in the heavenly kingdom whose Co
lOssal work follow with them.
General o. o. Howard, the Christian
sOldier-edUcatOr, has bequeathed his hon
or and sympathy and magnanimity to
thousands Of our needy rich and poor.
John S. Kennedy, the merchant magnate,
en- whose every step, from boy Of %,
fresh from ScOtland's sunny hills, sue
cess breathed her beneficent breath, or
dered his will to read thirty millions for
philanthrOpic enterprises and religious
propaganda,
Charles n Crittenton, the wholesale
druggist of New York City who for the
past twenty-siX years. following the
death of his beautiful 6-year-Old daugh-
ter Florence. has given his money and
himself erecting seventy-three homes in
seventy-three of our American cities for
women who had sinned, offering them, if
penitent a place of defense and restOra-
ton 10 purity.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
COLONIAL THEATRE.

Real melodrama, with an intricate plot
and many thrilling situations, is the play
seen this week at the Colonial. Human
Hearts has long been a favorite with
theatregOers. Though only a fair-sized
audience witnessed the performance at
the opening last night. it need not be
attributed to the fact that it was not as
well presented as formerly, but only that
IT has been so often presented. The play
has those qualities of human interest
that are promised in the title. It deals
in strong and undiluted emotion. The
sentiments of the hero are fittingly no.
BILE and the villain is Of the deepest stage
dye.
There are one or two members of
the company that are deserving Of the
highest praise, but they are not the ones
who have the important roles. Those
parts can hardly be said to have been
done satisfactorily though there was a
careful and painstaking attempt to instil
a little real art into the impersonatiOn
But the child roles of Limpy and little
Grace were pathetic i'm their naturaluess
and simplicity. The baby of . Temem-
bered her lines and did her little part in
an astonishing manner. and she received
the most generous applause of the even
ing. Llmpy Morgan, played by Mona
Pattee, was a sad little figure of a street
waif that won smiles and tears on every
occasion. =. J. Kane. in the role Of Jem
Mason, the tramp, is also deserving of
credit for instilling some humor into this
otherwise wholly dOleful play.
The story is that of a designing wom-
an married to a worthy man of whom
she grows tired The villain offers to
take her back to the real world. A muir
der is committed, and she accuses her
husband. who is convicted and serves q
term in the penitentiary. His aged moth
er secures a pardon for him and he con-
fronts his wife, demanding his child and
accusing her of helping TO convict She
dies a miserable death, the villain is led
away to prison. the child is rescued and
there is hope Of happiness in a true love
affair that is one of the minor motives
of the piece Such a plot affords Oppor-
tunity for some very harrassing situa-
lions and a display of emotional acting.
in which it can hardly be said that the
members Of this company made good.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
NOTE OF CHEER IS
BROUGHT TO SHACK
Continued From Page One.

breast-a little red-headed urchin who
doesn't realize what a care he is TO his
tired but patient mother. The other
brothers scamper about the house and
hon't realize the utter poverty of their
home. because in the short span Of their
lives they have never seen anything bet
Into the sordid environment of this
home entered more cheerful spirits yes
terdav. Women whose clothes are better
Than those usually worn in the alley
harkened the doorway Of the howell and
left packages of good things. The Sal
Walton Army has sent some things, and
now that the destitute condition of the
family is known, others Will send or carry
food, fuel and clothes into the cOal-bin
home.
There have not been enough clothes for
Ihe children, or enough bedciOthes to
tOVer the forms Of the four unfOrtunates
at night. For three weeks Mrs. Miller
has existed upon what would be COnSid-
pred slight waste from more sumptuous
tables.
IF / only had a vashtub and wringer. -
She said, Il could take in washing. and
that would help. You see, I don't have
TO pay any rent here, and we have been
getting along some way, but it gets aW-
ful cold, and the children are such a
care 7 can't let them go out, because
they haven't got clothes enough"
John is T. Elmer and the little one
Leon. is less than ,. Mrs Miller glanced
bcrOss the dismal room 10 the bed where
The children fingered. She seemed to
De cheerful enough. but the tragedy OF
her existence cast a pail over every Wis
ltor When she was told that more
things would be sent her 20 keep hunger
and cold away from her door a wan
smile lit her countenance and she was
glad
The matter is being called TO the at
tentiOn of various charitable OrganiZa-
lions. to the county pauper fund and to
persons who are able TO help brighten
The life of Mrs. Miller and her three tots
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
DENIES A BIG MERGER
Untermeyer Explains Purchase Of
Boston Con. by Utah Copper
Company.

New York. Dec 12.-Samuel Inter
meyer, who has been credited with con-
Quoting negotiations for the proposed
merger of great copper interests, as
counsel for the Boston Consolidated Cop
per company, and others, said tonight;
IS There Is no basis for the report that
the proposed purchase by the Utah Cop
per company Of property of the PCstOn
Consolidated Copper company, or its re-
ported merger with the Navy Copper
company is part Of a general merger Of
copper properties. 1t has no relation to
any such plan, II there be such a plan
The properties of the Utah and Boston
companies adjOin one another This ne
COLLATION. to put them together has been
under way for three years
although it is expected that the an
mai copper production of the enlarged
company viii be about 200.000,0 coo pounds
that represents less than Is per cent OF
the domestic prediction, without taking
tito account the large foreign output
with which the company must compete. q"
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13

For the first time in their professional
careers Fred Bailey and Ralph Austin
are being seen on the Pacific coast as
full-fiedged stars. Some four seasons
ago they made their first visit as head
liners on the OTpheum circuit with good
success and were re-engaged to return,
but had to cancel as they had been Sc
cured to create the two principal char
acters in THE Top Of the World" that
Of Jack i'm the Box" and Candy Kid"
They are lilkened very much to Mont
gOmery and StOneOwning. but their
clean cut and rapid work has been con-
sidered superior by many critics. They
are accomplished singers, dancers, aero
mats and athletes Of a high order;
combination that has seldom been seen
in a team on the American stage. They
alone have been responsible for the
great financial and popular success Of
The Top of the World" more so than
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
ADJUSTMENTS
MISSION THEATRE.

A large turnout greeted the Mission last
night and manifested approval of the ex-
cellent turns by the applause bestowed
upon the various acts. II is sure that
one act has won a home in Salt Lake, and
were it Cor she, rather to play a return
engagement it is likely that many would
be on hand TO welcome that clever little
actress, NiOlette Curtis. Miss Curtis has
personality which at once wins favor
with the audience and her many songs
are more than well received The Base
BALI song is perhaps her biggest hit, al
though several others pleased the audi
cnce- May Nannary and company Byron
and Pagan, the Kauabanzai trOuple and
all the other favOrites can be seen today
and tomorrow only. On Wednesday there
viii be a complete change Of bill
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
TAFT TO TALK ON AFRICA.
African Diamond Jubilee Opened g.
Methodist Episcopal Churches.

New York, Dec. 12.-The Methodist
Episcopal churches Of Greater New
York and vicinity today began their
African diamond jubilee, with special
services and collections for mission
work in Africa. It is expected that an
nOuncement viii be made tomorrow that
the fund of 100000 which the jubilee
commission asks, has been raised.
The jubilee viii close Monday night
with an address by President Taft on
Africa and her missions.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
FLIES IN A SNOWSTORN
Curtiss AerOplane Makes Good Time
Over Hard Lake Course
Made Three Flights.

st. Joseph. Mo-, Dec. 12.-Charles K.
Hamilton. in the Glenn II. Curtiss aer-
oplane at Lake Contrary this afternoon,
made two and a half miles in three and
half minutes in a snowstOrm. He
made three flights in all. He circled the
lake and had perfect control of the ma
chine. He viii make several more flights
this week.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
"Red" Says "Pipe de Clad
Rags of Messenger Crew"

Pipe! Pipe de rags! Pretty swell, EN-
When Nell sees me now it'll. be all arwf
wit Pickles, me only r-r-rival,' said
Regner Kiser, better known as Red,
of the Western Union messenger service,
as he entered the office of The Herald
Republican yesterday logged out in
new uniform made of dark blue velvet
with large, gaudy yellow stripes down
the trOuser legs and around the wrists
we all got EN-, all de guys o. de West
ern Union, when we blows to work dis
mornin'. Dat dress uniform squad up at
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
Why not make the gift
an Umbrella!

And that a good one. Not necessari-
ly high priced. but of standard make
and assured quality. We handle exc
clusiveiy the famous Hull Detacha-
BILE Handle Umbrellas. which have
reyoluuonized the umbrella business
i'm the United States. Drop into our
store any time and see how simple is
this separable handle. More than "a
million people have discarded the obi
style umbrella for the Hull ana viii
never carry them again. Even if it
didn't have the Hull" handle DC would
ne better umbrella, as the frame ls
stronger and the cover more durable.
At this store YOU win see the largest
line of umbrellas ever shown iu the
state. The prices are 500 Co 5000
it means as much as sterling. Expert
engraving.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13

the twO-score novelties in which the ex-
travaganza abOUnds.
They are coming here, with all the
original company that made such a hit
at the Casino and Majestic theatres,
New York City, and the Studebaker
theatre, Chicago.
Bailey and Austin will not permit a
second company to appear in the piece
while they are playing in it.
The most laudable criticism follows
them in each city that they visit and it
is safe to say that those who attend
the theatre this evening viii leave with
Bailey and Austin so thoroughly indent-
ed in their minds that they and their
clever companions will never be forgot
ten.
Bailey and Austin are thirty-second
degree AIasOns, also Shriners, and have
filled a number of high offices in the
MasOns, Elks, and other prominent or
ders.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
VISCOUNTESS is MISSING.
Ladv Churchill and Children Have
Vanished in Mysterious Way.

London. Dec PA sensation has been
caused in society by the mysterious dis
appearance of Viscountess Churchill, SIS
ter of the Earl of Lonsdale. Lacy
C,burchfU arrived at St. Pancras station
with her son and two daughters on No
yenber 2S She has not been seen since,
although advertisements have been pub
lfghed to trace her whereabouts.
According to rumor, Lady Churcnil re-
Gently consulted a spirit medium. who as
sured her it was her duty to leave her
husband. Viscount Churchill, and take
her children away
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
No Laughing Allowed There,

Neither men nor women are allowed
to laugh when their nerves are shat
tered. That is, their nerves don't allow
them to. But one box Of Sexine Pills
will make you feel better. 81 a box, six
boxes S., with full guarantee for any
form Of weakness in men or women.
Address or call F. J. Hill Drug Co.,
''The Never Substitutors," corner Sec
ond South and West Temple streets
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
MOSLEMS ARE EXECUTED.
Twenty-six Pay Penalty for Afro
cious Massacre in April.

Constantinople, Dec. 12.-Twenty-six
Moslems We're executed at Adana yes
terday and today in connection with the
April massacres. Great crowds wit
messed the execution, and relatives of
the condemned men and thousands of
others joined in manifestations Of grief.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13

de fort amt i'm it wit us. We'd shine
where army blOks nd be TONED down
fer not wanteds' De rags came es'r sur
prise. Dey just tole us to climb into de
new buds and yu Orter seen the messen-
ger kids throw out dere chests. De tips
dat we get how'll make John d. Rocker
teller jealous. When he hears about US
hell raise de price of oil again"
After they had been attiTed in their new
uniforms the messenger boys of the
Western Union extended a unanimous
vote OF thanks to their manager Arthur
Long.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
sALT AXE THEATRE-

top o. the World" a breezy and up
tO-the- minute musical comedy will open
an engagement Of four performances at.
the Salt Lake theatre next Thursday
evening.
The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-12-13
Ladies' Tailoring.

J. H. johnson Co., 1873 Judge. One
fitting viii convince you. Suits made
from your own goods.