The evening world., 1909-03-04
War Of Noises Sewers Diplo-
matte Relations Between
KramerS and Mrs. Fitch.
BIRD EMlTS PROFANITY.
Can Music Gets Back at Maiden
Lady With Because I'm
Married, Now"

There were peace and quiet and the
blessings thereof in the apartment
house at No. l3I Main street. Astoria,
until Mrs. Louis Kramer bought phon-
ograph. and Miss Laura Fitch. who
lives across the hall from her, invested
in n green parrot, with red trimmings,
and black and white cat.
There is an extension roof behind the
Fitch dnmcIlc. and on this the black
and white cat was wont to walk o.
nights and lift his soul in song. During
the day Miss Fitchs parrot hung out OF
the window. and as the bird made the
voyage north In the fOrecastle OF a
lime-j uicer its vocabulary was extensive
and profane.
When Diplomacy Ceased.
One morning there came to Miss Fitch
polite little note, asking her to re.
strain her parrot by days and her cat
by night, that her days might be long
in the apartment house. Miss FITCH
sent back word that. providing the
Krimers would please turn off their
monograph and trade 1t for a smoking
table or butter dish, she would be
glad to do so. Here diplomatic relations
were severed and both sides ordered up
their artillery.
Mrs. Kramer planted her heaviest gun
the phonograph-in the window op.
posite Miss Fitch's parlor Here, In
rain and shine it ground out Because
I'm Mar-r-r-i-ed Now" which was dis
tinctly annoying to Miss Fitch, who
has passed the age when women usually
contract matrimonial alliances.
Then, according to Mrs. Kramer. Miss
Fitch taught her parrot to say: Wash
your dirty kids, wash your dirty kids"
and fed it red pepper and Jumps OF
sugar as n reward when Mrs Kramer
appeared nj her window and scowed.
Miss Fitch says the kramers rugged
up hose and sprayed her bird with
1t to douse his spirits. Mrs. Kramer
says Miss Fitch retalated by throwing
potatoes at the monograph. Several OF
these missiles iell on the head Of Louis
Anspacher, the ianitor. last week while
he was doing chores in the backyard.
and what he said to Miss Fitch only
fed the flame OF watfare in that militant
little lady's heart.
Snarls Answered to Yowls.
Mrs. Kramer says that Miss Fitch
deliberately allowed her scraygly old
black-and-whi Tom to go out and
serenade all the eligible tab5ies in the
neighborhood, with the express purpose
OF keeping Mr.. kramer-"a hard work.
ing man II ever there was one"-from
his slumbers. Miss Fitch goes as far
as TO say that Mr. Kramer cultivated
his natural tendency to snore till dishes
fell from the rack In her kitchen be-
meath the thunderOus diapason OF his
nose music.
And all the while the phonograph kept
whcezing-it had grown wheezy now
"Bc-eause I-m-m-m m-m-m-m-ar.r-!-
bzzzzz-n-bz-z-z-now-s&xx.' And the
parro, yelled Wash your dirty KIDS
Wash your dirty kids" urged to fran
tic stage by the sight OF favorite foods,
till its voice grew cracked
Then the ladies took up letter writing.
and to-day Mrs. Kramer mad Miss
Fitch summoned to the Long Island
CITY Court to explain why she had
written three letters that contained all
sorts OF unladylikc things. Miss Fitch
was martial and unashamed when she
marched into court. From their sta
ton al one side Of the mag!sterill
bench the allied forces OF the kramers
glared at her
Hopes Letters stuns.
Yes. wrote two OF the letters. Your
Honor" fearlcssly spoke up Miss Fitch.
II guess they stuuZ. | hope they did,"
and she tucked her umbrella akimbo.
as II II were a rifle.
The hnitnr was In court to testify
about the potatoes.
Il guess they gave him 20 cents to do
that" commented Miss Fitch.
Now, you ladies 70 home said Mag
Istrate smith, and you'--t the janitor
report to me any further disturb
ances. and II there are any shall or
der the landlord tn cyiCt YOU both"
Il blne sure skall, said the janItnr,
rubbing his head where the vegetable
missiles had hit 10.
"H-m-m-m.' shifted Mrs. Kramer.
cat" said the Misses Kramcrs.
"vulgarinns,' said Miss Fitch.