davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

MY friend, said the insurance
agent to the young man, 'let me in.
sure you against accident today"
Never had an accident in my life"
was the young mans prompt reply.
But you may have. Aren't you
about to marry"
Yes, but what's that got to do with
it?"
"A great deal Suppose your wife
was to get angry with you and throw
anything at you; or your mother-in.
law might attempt to use force In
dealing with you, Or"
The young man stopped him.
"Ah, that reminds me-" he said:
"I'll not get married"
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Former Jasper Man Died at
SPRINGFIELD.

Mrs. VIM. Rice received word this
morning of the death from pneumor i'd
Of her step-brother, Isaac Freeman
Ward, at Springfield, yesterday, thu
message containing the additional in
formation that the body will arrive her,
tonight for burial, at the Brethrp
cemetery, south of town, following ser
vices at that church tomorrow morning
Mr.. Ward was raised near this plic.
and is remembered by all the older resi-
dents. He vas in his Gath year whel
he died, and is survived by wife an,
one hoy, aged seven. He had lived il
Springfield for several years past.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Luckily,

During the Spanish war, while the
battleships were on blockade at San.
tiago, It was customary to load the
six.pounder guns every evening to
protect against possible torpedo-boat
attack. While the triggers were be-
ing eased down, one of the guns on
the Massachusetts was accidentally
discharged, the shot passing over the
quarter deck of the Texas, which was
lying next in the blockading line. All
the officers of the Texas were on deck
smoking and talking when the shot
passed a few feet above their heads.
Almost before it struck the water a
signal was started on the Texas from
its commanding officer, Capt. Jack
Philips, to the commanding officer OF
the Massachusetts. The signal was,
"GooS npe, but a trihe high."-Har'
per's Weekiy. .-.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Two Necessary Books.

A Boston man being unexpectedly
summoned to New York on business
which threatened to detain him for
several weeks, buried home to invite
his wife to accompany him. They
we're to start in an hour and the bag
gage was limited to one trunk. At
he last minute. Just as the trunk lid
was descending, sudden wall was
heard.
"Ch, wait minute, Charlie,
naven't put in single book! The
idea of going to New York OF all
,laces without a book" and she
rushed out to the library.
well, hurry up!" called her hus
land, impatiently, there isn't room
or more than two, anyway. Do you
hear, Fanny? Not more than two!"
"All right, then take those!' and
she handed over Bible and volume
Of Browning. 81 must have those,
auyhow!"
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
No Cure for Insomnia.

A sufferer from insomnia may work
hard at physical and mental labor, yet
the night cometh when no man can
work. The insomniac, utterly ia
tigued, falls into slumber-not q
sound, refreshing, dreamless slumbeI
but a coma, lethargy, a torpor, born
of fatigue. In few hours the demon
says "Awake!" and the insGnniac
starts instantly into waking with
bright, staring, winkless, sleepless
eyes. Is there no cure? None. In
somnia comes with age. You cannot
cure your years. You used to sleep
yesterday when you were young. Not
poppy, nor mandragora, nor all the
drowsy sirups of the world cac nedi
cine thee to that sweet sleep which
yesterday thou hadst. - San Francisco
Argonaut.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Japan erowls at the New Woman.

The girl who is the product of the
female education of the present day
does not make suitable wife for Or
dinary Japanese, by any means. She
learns much at school that is of no
use to her in after life, and she is
too often made conceited by the smat.
tering of kno Wedge she possesses and
is apt to put on airs. There is a great
lack of practicability about the in.
struction given to young girls at most
modern schools Some OF the girls
from these schools may suit the tastes
of Off ficials, but the majority of them
are Stunned by marrying men, for the
reasons given above.--Rikugo ZaBshi.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

Some ingenious Euehshman has in
vented clock, the movement of which
is caused by the activity of minute
quantity of radi inn, and the inventor
thinks it will run ten thousand years
without winding. If "sraudfather' s
clock" famous in song, which stopped
short on certain SD occasion, had
been equipped with radum escape.
ment, it woul hardly have got fairly
going during its first century. Youth 5
Companion.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

Now, since Joplin Started the local
option election fad, both Carthage anc
Webb City are suddenly infected will
the germs. II certainly looks as if thu
"drys" can sweep c'elu now, while Bill
ly Sunday is stirring things up, if the.
ara ever going to DO it. It's what
might lie called the psychological mo-
ment -
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Spelling Reform at Yale.

William Beebe, professor of. mathe.
matics in the college, approves and
says:
"As an example OF spelling that
needs reform this from an academic
man applying for change IN an cleo
tive course is applicable:
=" THE course is so hard that cannot
due 1t justice, ana / ask pernittion
to omit it. Yale Alumni Weekly.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Looking Cne's Be ST.

It's woman's delight to look her best
Nut rimrles, skin eruptions. sores and
',oils rob life Of joy. Listen! Bucklen's
Arninn Salve cures them; makes The
skin soft and velvetv. II glorifies the
'ce' Cures pimples, sore eyes. cold
aores, cracked lips. chapred hands.
Try it Infallible for Piles. 25c at
Webb Bros.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Consolation.

Mr.. Hussel-The doctor says II I
don't take little rest and not work
so hard I'll be dead in year
Mrs. Hussel-What a consolation Il
must be to you to know tia your lfos
insured.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
Whers Everybody Docs Il.

did you ever see man walk in
his sleep?" U
Lots Of them; and heard them talk
at the same time. stopped of In
Philadelphia three or four days oaee.
"-Kansas City Drovers Telegram.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

Judging from the effect his visit is
having, Billy Sunday didn't arrive in
joplin a moment too soon.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

If you begin practicing r;Nnt now,
maybe you won't date your bills "Jan
l, 1909"
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30

This month of December, 1909, is re.
spectfully recommended to the study OF
the chaps who insist that we don't have
real winters any more.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-12-30
THE JASPER NEWS

r. B. GRIFFITH Editor.
JASPER, MISSOURI
RESorcd at che Postoffice at Jasper,
iGO, rs Second-class matter September
l,l333.
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27
TARIFF REVISION

president-elect Taft has the right idea about
tariff revision. He wants the revision TO be
both effective and prompt. That Is eXacuy
what is wanted by a great majority OF the
voters in all sections The revision must be
in the first place a real revision The present
schedules are a survival of business conditions
now out of date The Republican and Demo
cratic national platforms Of 1908 both favoreu
revision, and both undoubtedly contemplated
n material reduction of duties and their re-
arrangement in such a form as 10 promote for
eign commerce as well as 10 protect the mar
ket OF the domestic producer. The DemocraHc
platform naturally laid more stress on reduc-
ton as an end in itself. But Democratic Con
greSs would not have ventured TO deny Ahler-
lean industry an equitable degree OF prolecloii'
The country expects a Republican Congress 10
pass a protective law, but not TO overprotecl
industries merely for the sake OF protecuoh.
The revision. should be accomplished prompuy
for two reasons Suspense is injurious 10 bust
ness , A long Wrangle over the details OF
tariff law would delay the return of prosperity
The sooner the commercial and industrial inter
ests know where they stand. the sooner VIII
the effects of the panic of 1907 be forgotten
Politically the Republican party has every
thing to gain by putting the new tarlH ihlo
onprstfon on or before July l, 1905. The eIec-
tions of next fall are not important. Yer Inc!
might reflect a certain reaction in political feel
ing if held Just after the change of schedules
went into effect. Disappointments and grudges
have been bred by every tariff revision. IL
will he fortunate if at least sixteen months
elapse between the signing of the tariff law and
the election of new Congress. In that period
the work of the extra session can have fair
trial Our political history Is full of ilustra-
tions of the danger of exposing new tariff law
to snap judgment.
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27
nR. RrRRANKS PRODUCTs.

Though it is possible that Mr.. Luther Bur
hanks achievements have not always been cor
rectiv represented and that their importance
has been exaggerated by his enthusiastic ad-
mircrs there is no reason to doubt either his
talent or his sincerity He is to be congratu-
lated therefore, on the organization Of a com
pany to assist in marketing his products Tn
less he differs greatly from the majority of
scientific men. the California horticulturist
lacks the commercial instinct which would
enable him to secure the largest pecuniary re
turn from his ideas.
one of the first featS with which Mr.. Bur
hanI. was credited was the development of Il
spineless cactus. 1t IS asserted by agricultural
experts that Il spncess cactus was known a
century ago and that it is no botanical novelty.
If instead of evolving hitherto unknown
variety of plant Mr.. Burbank has merely
adapted an old one TO new conditions of en-
vronment, perhaps he has the same claim on
public gratitude. He may have done what
Henry and Morse did with the electro-magnet,
when they opened up n large field of practical
usefulness for what had previously been
merely a laboratory curiosity. or parallced the
performance Of Marconi in utilizing the electric
waves discovered by Hertz. The vital ques-
tiOn in regard to the cactus would seem To he
whether or not It will serve as fodder for cattle
in regions where herds cannot otherwise be
iiitill'd!htu. NiCh"ut AuItIitI t'HtihohN OF Il
conclusive character on this point no final
judgment can he passed on the utility of one
OF Mr.. Burbanks most famous achievements.
Recent dispatches report that Mr. Burbank
has discovered or evolved variety of cactus
which will yield sugar and alcohol. Possibly
the cactus is the spineeSs one In any case,
II remains To he discovered how much sugar
the plant viii yield and how much the proc
esses Of cultivation will cost Anything con
tanning saccharine material can he made to
produce alcohol That-is an elementary fact in
chemistry. But Will It ever pay TO extract
sugar from cactus or to manufacture spirits
from the residue left after the first of these
operations?
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27

The House Of Representatives has still Il
chance 10 contribute before the session closes To
the development of American Slipping. Con
gress has done practically nothing since 1890 To
extend OF even maintain the ocean -transporta-
ton lines flying the American flag nder the
law Of 1890 moderate subventions for carrying
the mails were granted But 10y that legislation
81 lines were put on the same basis and ma
rprial differences IN cost Of operation We're Ig-
nored. II is obvious that the transatlantic ser
vice to Europe must thrive better than any
service 10 South America or across the Pacific
10 Japan the Philippines and Australia. There
IS much larger business To be done with Eu-
rope and the mail subventiOn is not vital 10
the European lines. That the prices authorized
for mail service were not excessive is shown
by the fact that the Postofice Department
makes an annual profit of about S3.JOOO00 on
foreign postal business The mails have been
carried at a loss by South American and trans
Tacidc lines. and the great increase in receipts
from mail matter dispatched 10 Europe has
left a handsome surplus after paving the top
rate Of 81 a mile to twenty-knot ships.
L is now proposed merely TO adjust the ocean
mail service 10 unequal conditions in the North
Atlantic ana in the South Atlantic and the Pa
cific American vessels have been withdrawn
from an Atlantic mail routes except those to
Europe the Nest Indies. Cuba. Mexico and
Venezuela. Ia the Pacific a few vessels are still
operated. but they viii soon be retired unless the
government comes to their aid. The present
rates viii not support mail line 10 any South
American port outside the Caribbean Sea or to
any transpacific port But the few ships now
fying the American flag i'm these last services
may be retained and other ships may be induced
70 take mail contracts If the law Of 1890 is so
modified that a relatively higher rate Of com
pensaiion may be allowed 10 the lines with
smaller tonnage and less speed which conduct
business with South America and the Orient
The compensation Ia twenty y-knot veSsels-in
service 10 Europe, Cuba. Venezuela and Mexico
Is 81 mile To sixteen-knot vessels the rate is
So mile. and 50 foflrieen-knot vessels 81 nile
The pending bill simply provides that vessels OF
the sixteen knot class pl.lrg to South American
and franspacifc ports shall be entitled To the
81 rate. and vessels Of the fourteen-knot class
10 the 50 rate- The added expense of this read
1ustment is 10 he met out Of the profits OF the
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27

naval wars in the last century, and the DANGER
which has often arisen of fresh wars over them,
TO appreciate how great a gain for peace anu
friendship among the nations Ii VIII De 20
have them definitely disposed of In an ac-
cepted international code 1t may be that they
have not all been settled precisely to the HklnS
of all Americans. Wear told that every nation
has made some concessions But few will deny
that il will be far better to have them SET
tied. even If not quite as should have liked.
than TO have them left open 10 be fruuut
source of apprehension and Irritation, ana OF
actual peril 10 the peace of neutral powers
whenever maritime nations at war
The one point upon which agreement was not
obtained and which has therefore been IeIt Ior
consideration at some future Time Is Oh cVn-
siderable and steadily increasing Importance.
It is that relating to the conversion or heT-
chant ships into ships of war. Such use OF Iner
chant ships has been common in most naval
wars and il has not infrequently given rise
to grave Observation-Disclosures with the harNe-
lous development of merchant ships in capacity
and speed. as exemplified by the second series
of big Cunarders." 1t becomes obvious that
their part in future wars may be OF the great
est Importance, that they might easily tuFH
the scale of victory in a contest between two
movers which were nearly equal in regular
naval strength but very unequal In mercantile
marine With each nation left TO be law
INTO itself in this matter the suggestion IS
obvious. and should be irresistible, Of the need
of developing our own mercantile fleet COM
Darablv with navy
But even with this regrettable omission from
the catalogue of things done, the conference
must be deemed highly successful ana de-
serving of our correspondents tribute to its
achievements 1T has been a great work for
civilization" The American delegates, and the
Amerfcsn Ambassador. who profitahy inter
posed his services at an important juncture
have done well for the interests and the honor
of their country. and have again vindcated the
benefcence of its participation in the world
politics from which some profess to think TINS
nation should perpetually hold itself aloof.
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27

An interesting experiment in the supervision
of state affairs is promised in New Jersey
in bill which has been introduced in the
Legislature by Senator Frenghuysem in ac-
c0rdance with suggestions which were offered
a year ago 10y Governor Fort The measure
provides that when investigation is 10 he
made into the conduct of any part OF the state
government or state institutions it shall be
made not by a legislative committee nor bv an
executive commission. but by a commission Gre
ated by the Supreme Court. with II representa-
tive Of the Attorney Generals office as counsel
This system Is intended 10 put an end 10
partisan Investigations for political effect and
70 "junketing" commissions. both of which have
been by no means unknown in New Jersey
while some entirely legitimate and profitable
Investigations have undeservedly incurred the
reproach Of belonging 10 one of those classes
Not long ago an accidental Democratic majority
In the Assembly ordered an investigation of
state departments and institutions bv com
mittee OF its own members. Credulitv wouId
have been overtaXed to believe that the intent
was not largely TO discover. if possible some
thing which would discredit the Repubiicou
administration and give the Democratic party
an advantage in the coming election. ana though
some really valuable results were attained they
were more or less impaired by the suspicion of
partisanship. Again. last year the Governor
mittees which did much good work. but which
incurred heavy expenses and were subjected
though unjustly To the criticism of being
''junkets."
An investigation conducted by the Sunreme
Court through u commissioners we sbouId
hope, by single commissioner-would be free
from these reproaches. 1t would be compara-
lively inexpensive, probably more expedtious
and not less thorough than the old stylo in
and
a large and general measure Of respect from
men of all parties. Whether there would he
danger of Impairment of the Supreme Court'e
standing, through the suggestion that if was
being used for political purposes is a question
TO be seriously considered. and any such re-
Election upon the credit Of the Judiciary would
need TO be most carefully avoided and pre-
vented. If the possible evils Of IT can be sur-
cessfully averted and the probable good can
be realized the system may prove TO he of
much advantage to the cause of honest and
efficient government.
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27
4nnsements-


ACADEMY or MUsIc-@-s:15-The Music Master
ALHANBhA-2-s-Nauder
EeTOR-2.I5-s. .I5-Tne Man from home
BELAsCO-215-s- -3O--The Fighting ieps, e,p2s.,.s,rnl
-2.f5-s:15-A gentleman from 2d'ss4Ss'FI
-I5--A Stubborn CAlos4e'--
CARNEGIE 2-Sa-ConceTt
--s-I5-EaEans.
-i5-s-l5-The queen of the Moui4H
Cr)IONIAI-2-S-Eaudevt
,-pFT-F,FsTOrz-
DAILY -2.Is-s:I5-The Goddess q FSeasoi'-
tuEN AT-SEE-The World IN Wax ry,o-s
SaTETY-2 2.1s-s.15-The Travelling "a -esIliaN-
CyaRTFss- -eo-Mary James Ia
GEPFTCE-2-ls- -30-The Patriot
-2-I5-S-s5-Zaza
Fssr ~ Wculan's NaF-.
HAAIN ERSTEIHs'S 15s l5N auoe' q, nj,
TzTr5pr5IPF2OAfF- sporting Days-tssNeie IL "
Skies-Ballet OF Birdia1d- 49,,
ECDSDN-2-1J -l5lEe fllL-
i -STf-EZ FRR kerr .15-s-15-The FAR O0-E>1-
TTrr FsTTG2.IE .15-Kassa- -
T.TrF-T-N-o-TE-S -ou-The Dawn OF a 4o-il0i-N''-
T.yRTr-2.1 .1S-s Eb-The Blue Mouse -, m
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN-lo a IL ~ - -
Sp6rtsmen's show
n - Taree Twins
wsTHAT-TAH OPERA HOUSE 2A5-SaloTTe- IT-7s and
NAxTNF ETTIOTTS-2 -2o--S-5o-ihls '''i''0i
TITS Man - ,,,r,p. . tfo7-sf2-1.so- Meister-
sing - -Ie di Figaro
-cF-y- AHSTFRDAM-2-i0-S-l a -le--hlfty Grey
eSfyw YORK-2.l5-s.2e Miss Innocence
seE-CY-2 2.2g-s-2e-The Battle
eTT-vS-EG s-lN-The Easiest Nag-
TaT-TkrzSS-2 is. .lS--The New Lazy tsaIilo0N-
VyrRF-p'S-2-1b-s- -15-The Girl from fec'o' =
vFcT END -l5-s-15-The ChsperoIi
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27
IN WASHINGTON SOCIETY.
rFrom The Tribune Bureau

From The Tribune Bureau
Washington, Feb. Ex-senator and Mrs. Depew' s
dinner guests tonight the Netherlands Min
lister and Nine. Loudon. Senator Bacon. Senator
Brandegee. Senator and Mrs William Alden Smith
Representative and Mrs. Dwight, Representative
and Mrs. James Breck Perkins. Representative
and Mrs J. Van Vechten Olcott Marchese and
Marchesa di Montagliari. Mr.. and Mrs Pierre
LoriIlard Mr.. and Mrs. William Barrett Ridgely.
Mr. and Mrs. Hugh Legare Mrs. A c. Barney.
Miss Josephine Patten and Mr. Glover. Mrs. Depew
will leave Washington on March 3. to be away a
week or days.
dine with them tonight the Greek Minister. Miss
Katherine Cameron, Miss Mathilde Townsend Miss
Katherine Elkins. Miss Louise Foraker. Miss Anna
Cockre Mr., and Mrs. Alexander Legare, Niscount
and Viscountess de Martel Miss MarjOry Ide Miss
Helen Patten, Count Alexander Torok Prince Vim
cent zu Windisch- -Graetz. Mr.. Janssens. Mr.. do
Amaral Count Raoul d d'Adhenar and Oden Horst
mann
The members Of the famous Taft party, or
"Tafters," as they call themselves, who accom-
panied the Presidenteect his trip to the Philip
pines. will give novel dinner in honor Of Mr.. and
Mrs Taft on the night of March l. Representative
and Mrs. LOngworth Representative and Mrs
Swager Sherley Senator Warren. Miss Mabel
Boardman and others of the party will be there,
and an unusual programme has been arranged.
with dozens OF novel features carried out in the
menu and decorations. The invitations and menu
cards are highly characteristic and will serve as
souvenirs.
Mr.. and Mrs. John F. Dryden among the
numerous dinner hosts of the evening. having in
their party Justice and Mrs. Brewer. the Swiss
Minister Senator Kesn. Miss Kean. Mr.. and Mrs
John ~. Foster Justice and Mrs Anderson. Mrs
Stanley Matthews. Mr. sand Mrs. William Phelps
Emo, Mr.. and Mrs. Edison Bradley, Mr.. and Mrs
Richard Reid Rogers. Lieutenant ana Mrs. Barry
Miss Sheriff. Representative Bates and Colonel
and Mrs. Kuser.
Dining tonight with Brigadier General and Mrs
New-York tribune., 1909-02-27
AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
From The Tribune Bureau


Washington, Feb. 26.-The President sent spe-
claI message TO Congress to-day transmitting the
report o. the North American Conservation Con
ference.
r. The President has received a large number of
letters and kilograms from individuals. Grand Army
posts Sens OF the American Revolution and relig-
ous organizations. extending congratulations upon
the accomplishments of his administration and best
wishes for his future
All members attended a brief sen-weekly meet
ing of the Cabinet
Among the White House callers were Senator'S
Carter, Clark, of Arkansas; Flint Foster. Full
ton and Knox: Representatives watson, Cooper,
Wisconsin; Cooper Texas; Cochran. Coudrey,
Madison Mclaughlin, Bennett, Lamb and O'Con-
nell; Fourth Assistant Postmaster General De
Graw, Assistant Secretary Wheeler, President I'm
derwood OF the Erie. General Crozier, Assistant
Secretary Collidge. Lieutenant Commander Long.
U. S. N; W. I. Buchanan, special envoy to Venez-
uela; Paul Morton, of New York; Chaplain Glea-
son, L. s. N; Michael Redmond New York; Mrs.
t c. Keller and Mrs. G. II. West. Of Baston
Spa, n. Y
Rear Admiral Sperry will take luncheon with
the President and Mrs. Roosevelt Saturday
The President took long horseback ride in the
country this afternoon