The Holbrook news., 1909-12-17
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all right?" No; that's why he's in the hospital. Puck.
 Talk" said Uncle Eben. "is sumpin' like rain. A certain amount Is well come an necessary. But doggone a deluge!" Star.
 Peter and John (seeing 8 large plate-glass pane being put in)-We may as well go home. They are not going to let it fall.-Fliegende Blatter.
 How do you overcome insomnia?" Say the multiplication table up to twelve times twelve" But I can't get the baby to learn t"-Clevelald Leader.
 Psmith-I'd invite you home to din ner with me, but we have no cook. Njones-And I'd invite you home with me, but we have one-Cleveland Leader.
 Mrs. Lapsling indignantly repudi- ated the idea that her cousin Henry was an atheist He isn't anything of tie kind" she said He's what they call an eggnogstic. life.
 "I wish I owned an aeroplane tn- stead of an auto" "Why?" 1 could then look at my neighbors without feeling that everyone of them was wishing that I would take him for rtde."-Detroit Free Press.
 Railway Guard (to man smoking)- You can't smoke. Smoker-So my friends say. Guard-But you mustn't smoke Smoker-So my doctor says. Guard-Sir, you shan't smoke. Smok- er-So my wife says.-Punch.
 So you think that womans first husband treated her badly?" "I should say so.'' answered Mrs. Flimgilt He employed lawyers to cut down her ali mony in a way that was positively niggardly y"-Washington Star. Her-Richardl Why on earth are you cutting your pie with a knife? Him - Because. darling-now. under stand, I'm not finding any fault. for know that these little oversights will occur-because you forgot to give me g can opener.-Cleveland Leader.
 The old lady had had a severe ill., ness. and she was relating its vicissi- tudes to a friend or two in the gro- cer's shop when the minister came in. Its only by the Lords mercy. she piously declared, that I'm not in heaven tonight ht"-Argonaut.
 I'm sure l don't know why they call this hotel the Palms. Do you? I've never seen a palm anywhere near the place." You'll see them before you go. It's a pleasant little surprise the walters keep for the guests on the last day of their ay."-Pick-Me-
 Mrs. Hardcash-I want you to get me a divorce from my husband and an allowance of $1 800 a year. Law yer-How much is his income? Mrs. Hardcash-It's about that. l wouldn't ask for more than a man makes. am not that kind.-New York Weekly.
 Your political antagonist is calling you every name he can think of." said the agitated friend Don't interrupt him." answered Senator Sorghum; it is better to have a man searching the dictionary for epithets than going aft CT your record for facts. s."-Washing- ton Star.
 A love-smitten youth. who was studying approved methods of pro- pcsal, asked one of his bachelor friends if he thought a young man should propose to a girl on his knees. If he doesn't" replied his friend. the girl should get of. f."-Everybody's Magazine.
 Husband-Our little boy is sick. doc .or, so please come at once. Physician T can't get over much under an hour. Husband-Oh. do, doctor. You see. my wife has bool. on What to Do Be- fore the Doctor Comes," and I'm so afraid she'll do it before you get therel -Harper's Weekly.
 An Irishman fell from a house and landed on a wire about twenty feet from the ground. After he had strug- gled a moment the man let go and fell to the ground. Some one asked his reasons for letting go. Faith" was the reply, "I was afraid the domnd wire would break" - Medical Sum- mary.
 That is a tender old poem." "Is, eh?" But what did the poet mean here where he speaks Of the childrens 8 hour?" Why, I s'pose under the terms of the divorce decree each par ent was entitled to have the children at certain hours. The Judges don't usually draw it so fine, though. - Kansas City Journal.
 That woman next door is really dreadful, John,' said young married woman to her husband. "She does nothing but talk the whole day long. She cannot get any work done. I'm sure" "Oh," remarked the husband, "I thought she was chatterbox- And to whom does she talk?" Why. my dear. to me, of course" was the reply. ..She talks to me over the back fence"
 MT. Brown Crushing excitedly into .A -oo,,N Mario Marie iOte11iqenc0