davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
An Expensive Dollar.

Not long ago in this town kind
friend Of the family gave one Of the
kids a dollar. OF course it was too
much to let the kid get out and spend
for candy and gum, so it was reli-
giously put up on the sideboard or
some other safe place to be kept-just
for what the deponent saith not. In
about a week the juvenile owner Of
the big round coin remarked at the
breakfast table, Papa, mamma spent
my dollar yesterday" The head Of
the house took the hint and f1shed up
another dollar, which, like its prede-
cessor, was placed in good safe place
to keep.
During the next month by careful
~ tabulated record which he kept on
his cuff he repaid this elusive dollar
just thirteen times. So at the end Of
the month you will not be surprised to
learn that our friend sent the donor Of
the original dollar this curt note:
Dear Sir-1nclosed you will find check
for 81. It's the dollar you gave our
youngster. I return it simply to avoid
bankruptcy. Already it has cost me some
where between fifteen and twenty.
-Lamah Mo) Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Just Like a Lazy Man.

An elderly gentleman, who would
rather sleep late than eat the most at
tractive breakfast, was leisurely wend-
ing his way toward the subway when
he was accosted by a GREATNESS wo-
man.
"Oh, mister, lot of toughs are beat
ing hurdy gurdy man to death. CANE
you help?
"Where?"
Fright around the corner. Oh,
please come with men'
The late sleeper peered through his
gold trimmed glasses at the complain
ant and asked:
us he very big hurdy gurdy man?''
ooh, no. sir! He's very small
man.
'Then surely, my good woman, they
can't need any help from me"-New
York Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14

6lundors Of the Tvnas.

Ever since the introduction Of type
setting errors, weird or comical, have
emanated from printers offices. The
mistakes are not always to be shout
dered on to the compositor, for bad
handwriting must be taken into ac-
count. Here are a few instances Of
actual plumbers collected by proof
neaderdn the course Of his daily work:
His Nblushing bride" was transform
ed into "his clustering bride"
A major was stated to have "served
with destruction in the army" The
writer thought he used the word s'dis-
tinction.''
"The Galley Love- was the descrip-
ton Of a picture entitled 1.-THE Galley
Slave"
Speaking of theatrical folk, critic
wrote that nearly all have husbands
or wives. :" The paragraph printed
read hundreds of wives"
''They sailed for three days around
the cape and finally slaughtered a
small italian" should have been
sighted a small island.'
One more in conclusion. "He takes
delight in talking on his family shame
was shameful thing to say when
"faYOrite theme" was meant.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Ice and Mice.

For horses suffering from infamma-
ton Of the lungs an old prescription
was a mixture Of shot and powder IN
milk. This has even been applied to
human beings. In "Idlehurst'' mention
is made Of sparrow shot, five or six to
the dose, to be taken twice day, as 4
remedy for 'brown kiters," which Is
believed by the English farm laborers
to be caused by the flights" (their
term for lungs rising up the windpipe.
The shot is supposed to weight them
down in their rightful place. Sussex,
England, is the scene of ''Idlehurst' -
It was Sussex woman who was or
dered by the doctor to put some ice In
a bag and bind it on the temples Of her
sick boy. Inquiring after his patient
the next day, the physician received
the reply, ooh, Tommy's better, but the
mice are deadv'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Did the Bast He Knew.

Geordie Horn was a character we'll
known among the country folk Of the
Scotch highlands twenty-five years ago.
He belonged to class rather hard to
classify, for he was neither tramp
nor farm hand, although frequently
following the habits Of both. Wan
dering from farm to farm, the greater
part Of the time he was kindly treated
md Hospitality entertained generally.
While he was man Of unusual
strength, he was mentally weak and
exceedingly lady.
Hes gle cute chiel, though slow
in the uptack" understanding, was
the way a good many described him.
One day he arrived at his friend the
doctors and complained Of a severe
pain in his breast. The doctor handed
him a plaster, with instructions to put
it on his chest without delay. Geordie
gave him one of his knowing looks
and took his departure. The doctor
met him few days later and inquired
how he was feeling now. Geordie re-
piled, mae better" "Did you do as
told you with the plaster?" the doctor
went on.
"Weel, no, not exactly. I done the
best could. I didn't have a chest, sac
I stuck it on my bandbox'' Chat box.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Dropsical Oysters.

With sheer the oyster opener point
ed to brownish smear upon a Saddle
Rock shell.
"Some fool,'' said he, "has been try
ing to fatten up batch Of Saddle
Rocks with cornmeal. You might as
well try to invigorate flowers with
corned beef hash. But it is common
error to believe that cornmeal or oat-
meal will fatten oysters. continually
find oysters with their shells stained
with those grains. 1t makes me laugh.
As matter Of fact, there Is no such
thing as fattening oysters. All you can
do Is swell them up with water, pre-.
cisely the same as water swells a
sponge. You put them in fresh water,
which, being less dense than the soft
they are accustomed to-, by the princi.
pie Of osmosis penetrates and distends
their tissues gives them, as you might
say. dropsy. For my part, I don't, like
fattened oysters" New Orleans Times.
Democrat. "
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Saved by a Photograph.

A very remarkable incident occurred
at Rio de Janeiro.
A passenger on board one Of the
large liners took photograph of the
harbor. It included a small yacht
which had sailed in the morning with
two men in her, but returned in the
evening with one only. The survivor
said his companion had fallen over
board, but his statement was not be-
neved. He was tried and sentenced to
death. The matter had by this time
come to the ears Of the photographer,
who remembered that the picture had
been taken on the day Of the "crime"
Tor accidenD and that the scene en-
braced yacht. On examining the
print more carefully he noticed small
speck on the sail and in order to de-
termine what it was had an enlarge
ment made. It proved to be the figure
Of man falling. It was shown to the
authorities at once, and the condemned
man was released. r
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Dollar Fish,

''Have you any dollar fish hereY' a
woman asked of one of the attendants
at the aquarium.
While the question may seem curl
Gus, it was really very simple, for the
dollar fish is only young moonfish.
The moonfish Is curious but beau
tiful creature, almost round in shape
and extremely thin and having the
loveliest of pearly sides. It swims on
edge, SO that it always presents its
sides Of pearl to view. It takes its
name from its shape and because,
further, In color it suggests the silvery
moon.
Young moonfish of the size Of a
standard silver dollar-and they are
scarcely any thicker-are called dollar
fishes because of their resemblance to
that coin in size and shape and color,
and the woman making the inquiry
about dollar fishes was duly Informed
that there was none in the tanks at
the present time, but that they did
have them occasionally. - New York
Sun.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
For a Brides Dowry.

There Is very pretty custom in
some Of the northern parts Of Europe.
There the white poplar in good soil
increases a shilling in value every
year. The trees are generally cut down
at the age Of twenty years, as they
are then supposed to have. attained
their full growth. When q daughter is
born In the family Of well to do
farmer the father as soon as the sea-
son permits plants thousand young
trees, and these are to constitute the
dowry Of the maiden, (which grow as
she grows and increases In height and
value as her virtues and beauty in.
crease"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
The Best Pride.

A titled Englishman while in New
port talked most entertainingly to a
group Of ladies about ancestral pride.
ancestral pride is an excellent
thing" he said, "but there are better
things. We have long felt in Great
Britain that there are better things. l
heard the sentiment rather neatly ex-
pressed last season by duchess. Hers
is a great family, but she was talking
to a young marquis whose family is
incomparably greater. He is a rather
worthless, lazy, dissipated young mar
quis, and he boosted to the duchess
about his people.
ct am very proud Of my ancestry,
you know he ended.
EYES, said the duchess, and you
have cause to be, but wonder how
your ancestry would feel about your
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
HACKERS" GETTING BUSY.

Criticism of the legislature is al
ready being sent out to the country
papers by some of the correspond
ence bureaus" established in St. Paul
for the session. Nothing could be
more unfair. Not single member
of either branch has had a chance
as yet to demonstrate whether he is
saint or sinner and yet we are told
by these correspondents that the
people must be extremely watchful'
if this or that thing is to be done
this winter.
These writer's would convict be-
fore the commission of any crime
If the legislature does not on the
opening day correct every existing
evil it is evidence of corruption gone
rampant. A body of men repre-
senting sixty-three districts, each
having seperate interests and de-
mands distinct from the other, are
expected to get together in few
days on every proposition that comes
up. Less would be expected of {
board charged with the running O.
a country tow mill.
If members of the Legislature
violate their pledges to the people
they should be criticised-as they
most always are-but the stamp o.
disapproval should be placed or
the senseless and unfair criticism!
sent out by some disgruntled place
hunter or itchy palmed CRATER. L
is inconceivable that respected men
elected by the people under the
direct primary law, should turr
rascals the minute they reach ST.
Paul. And if these critics who are
out with the openly avowed inten
ton of raising h-ll" with some
body don't overreach themselves il
the besmirching process, we miss oul
guess.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Greatest Danger to Swimmers.

1T isn't cramp," said life guard,
s.that carries off so many good swim
mers. After all, what is leg or arm
cramp? Couldn't good swimmer
easily turn on his back and float till
the attack departed? No, cramp won't
account for the strange seizures that
in twinkling turn very fish Of a
swimmer into helpless, speeches.,
drowning paralytic. What accounts
for this business is water inhaling. 4
swimmer inhales spray through the
nostrils, it passes through the pharynx,
behind the epiglottis or windpipe guard
and so down into the windpipe. The
result is nearly certain death. Swal-
lowing water does you no harm, but
breathing it may kill you. How to
avoid accidentally breathing it, though,
that is question nobody seems able
to answer" Philadelphia Bulletin. :.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Doomsday Book.

The Doomsday Book is British
institution. 1t is a book of the gen.
eral survey of England. commenced
In the reign Of William l. Ghe Con-
queror), about 1880, some say about
1886. 1t was intended to be "regis-
ter to determine the right in the ten
ure Of estates, to discover the extent
Of any mans land, to fix his homage
and to settle the question of the mill
tary aid he was bound to furnish"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
The Word HCharIatan.U

"Charlatan," says a writer in the
London Chronicle, "is companion to
'quack' in our vocabulary, and Of this
word the origin is certainly Italian.
It Is 'ciarlatano,' merely a chatterer,
and describes the travelling doctor in
his cart who used to offer in an over
whelming torrent of talk his pills to
villagers in the market place. He was
dentist as well as a physician and
wrenched out the tooth in public. The
genus Is not yet entirely extinct"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Three Sabbaths Each Week In Tanaier.

Three Sabbaths Each Week In Tanaier.
Morocco is country Of many Sab
baths. The first three days I spent in
Tangier were all Sabbaths. Arriving
on Thursday night, the next day was
Friday, the Mohammedan Sabbath,
which was followed by the Jewish
Sabbath-the Hebrew element in Tan
gier is considerable and strict in re-
ligious observance-and that in turn
by the Christian Sunday. Subsequent
comparison, however, revealed little
difference between any days of the
week. On the Mohammedan Sabbath
black flag is hoisted on the minarets
at the prayer Of dawn, instead of the
white flag that announces the time Of
devotions on other days. 1t remains
up until the middle CT the forenoon,
by which time everybody Is supposed
to have found out what day it is
New York Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Half a leauue.

The class had just finished reciting
'The Charge Of the Light Brigade"
"Now," said the teacher, "can any
one present tell me the meaning of
those words, Half Lacquer"
Up shot the hand Of Thomas Jones,
aged eleven, football captain and in
domitable fullback.
"Please, sir, it means they couldn't
get enough clubs to make up the full
league"
Some one had blundered.-London
Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Not a Bardain.

"DO you think that Miss Kidder was
having fun with me?" asked Chawlie.
"Well, old chap, give me the Details"
was Awthur's response.
"You see, had my bull terrier with
me, and I said to her, THAT dog knows
as much as do And she said, Don't
you think $3.50 was too much to pay
for him 2 "-Cleveland Leader
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Beware Of Ointments for Cafarrh thatcontain
Mercury

as mercury will surely destroy the sense Of
smell and completely derange the whole sys-
tenn when entering it through the mucous
surfaces. Such articles should never be used
except on prescriptions from reputable ply
sicians. as the damage they do is ten fold to
the good you can possibly derive from them.
Halls Catarrh Cure. manufactured by f. j..
Cheney & Co., Toledo. o.. contains no mer-
curry. and is taken internally. acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces OF the
system. In buying Halls Catarrh Cure be
ally and made in Toledo. O., by F. J. Cheney
& Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by druggists. Price 75c per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
The Right Bone.

"Fred, dear, feel it in my bones
that you are going to take me to the
theater tonight
(Which bone, darlingY'
"1'm not sure, but think it's my
wishbonev- Kansas City Independent.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Why He 1arked.

A witness in an Irish court talked so
loud that Charles Philips, who. was
counsel on the other side, said, Eel
low, why do you bark SO furiouslyY
Because" said the man, looking
hard at Philips, II think see thiefv'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Cheaper.

servant-Please, sir, missus wants
you to send for the plumber, eos she's
dropped her diamond ring down the
bath pipe. Mr.. Nuriche-Tell your
mistress not to be ridiculous. I'll buy
her another diamond ring! - London
Mail.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Posted Him.

He (vainly)-See that sweet little girl
IN pink was engaged to her the
whole Of last summer. Stranger (eager.
V)-Very glad to hear It. am the
lawyer she's commissioned to sue you
tor breach Of promise.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Har Ilttla Sin.

Departing Guest-We've had sim
ply delightful time! Hostess-I'm 30
glad. At the same time I regret that
the, storm kept all our best people
lway.-Brooklyn Lis.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Too Much Of Il.

Greene How does It happen that you
don't trade at Cleaver's any more? You
used to brag about the nice cuts Of
meat he always sent you. Is It because
he wouldn't give You credit Gray-On
the contrary, It Is because be did.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Won Every Time,

'sS' -SS'J
"Have you ever loved and lost?"
sighed the swain.
Nope" responded the maiden
promptly. I've won every breach of
promise suit I ever brought" -Cleve-
land Leader.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Out to Work.

"What society needs Is clearing
house."
"What do you meanY'
II wish didn't have to 60 to the
Van Squawks' ball next week. The
Van Squawks wish they didn't have
to ask me. Why can't we exchange
certificates and call the thing even p
Kansas City Journal.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14

Kind words are benedictions. They
are not only instruments of power, but
Of benevolence and courtesy, blessings
both to the speaker and hearer Of
them.-Frederick Saunders.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Dignity and Ignorance,

I Dignity and Ighorance. -
$50 you have decided to call In an
other doctor?"
II have" was the reply. "The alb
surdtty Of the man prescribing linseed
tea and mustard plasters for people Of
our position!'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
A Noble Parent,

In writing sketch Of Washington
pupil ended her essay by saying,
washington married a famous belle,
Martha GUSTS, and in due time be-
came the Father Of His Country
Delineator. -. liza.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
His Sweet Voice,

He-Did you hear me singing under
your window last night? hope your
father didn't hear it? She-Yes, be
did. But you needn't worry. He
thought it was the cats.-Stray Stories,
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
A Word Breaker.

"F1ne. looking old gentleman"
eyes, but he was never known to
give man his word that he did not
break It."
"Dishonest, eh?"
"Nope; he shutters. "-Houston Post.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Lusty.

shopkeeper-Is there anything else I
can send you, sir? What would you
say to piece Of this cheese2 Custom
er-1 wouldn't care to say anything
70 It It might answer me back.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Amusinu.

Hiram Greene-What did your Sis
ter say when you told her was going
to make speech In the town hall to-
night? Willie-She didn't say nothin'.
She just laughed till she had hyster-
icSi .-
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Tommv'a I assnn.

Tommie- mamma, fingers were
made before forks. Mamma-Yes, my
boy, and dirt was made before pie,
but you prefer pie, don't you, Tommis1
-Yonkers Statesman.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Apprehensive.

The Heiress-I want to be loved for
myself. Count de Broke (apprehen-
sively)- My dear lady, is there any pos
sib1lity of this being case Of mistak-
en- identity illustrated Bits.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Now They Don't Sneak.

Mary-Do you think 1t would be con-
ceited for me to- tell mySfriends that
I made this dress myself? Edith
Not conceited, my dear superfuous.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Retribution.

Tommy Pop, what Is retribution?
Tommy's Pop Retribution, my son, Is
something that we are sure will even
tua1ly overtake other people. -Phila-
delphia Record.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
Snapped Il Out.

"Dear, am l the only woman you
have ever loved?'
Eyes, or ever WILL"
And It must have been the way he
said It that made her mad.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14

A wise man contents himself with
doing as much good as his situation
allows him to do-Lord Rollngbrolze
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14
TO CURE

TO CURE COLD IN ONE DAY.
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets
Druggists refund money if it fails to cure.
E. W. GROVES signature is on each box.k2c5
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14

Snow fell in Europe for forty days
In 1874.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-14

Suspicion always haunts the guilty
mind.-Shakespeare.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1909-01-15
SEEKS A SALARY RAISE
COUNTY ATTORNEY ASKS JUDGE
TO BOOST HIS STIPEND.
Commissioner Would Not Grant the
Request, Hence An Appeal to
District Court, Hearing.

When the county board was fixing
salaries the otner day, for the ensu-
ing year, County Attorney Plymat APP
peared and produced data from other
counties to show that the board has
not been paying the county attorney
suffient salary, and asked for an in
crease The board has for some years
past been paying $500 a year, but
Mr.. Plymat stated that the work has
been increasing, and asked that mis-
salary be raised to $500 year.
The board took the matter under
Amusement, but after talking it over
decided to leave the amount as it has
been, and fixed the salary for the com
ing year at $500.
Mr.. Plymat has since filed an APP
peal to the district court, as permit
ted by law He recites that he is dis
satisfied with the amount of the sal
airy, and requests that the court allow
him more. The matter will come up
before Judge Pau Monday afternoon
next at two o'clock, when Mr.. Plymat
will attempt to show to the court that
he is not receiving what lbs services
are worth.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1909-01-15
MOST BITTERLY FOUGHT CASE
Action Of Zimmerman VS.. Thinner
man S on Trial.

One of the most bitterly fought
cases on the district court calendar
is now on trial in the court. 1t is
the appeal of Mrs. Emma L. Thinner
man as administrators of the estate
of Charles f. Zimmerman, deceased
and individually against John Thinner
man and Herman Brandenburg, cred
itors, and Albert Zimmerman, heir at
law of the said Charles +. Zimmerman
deceased, respondents. 1t is an APP
peal on the settlement of the admins
tratrix's account: This is the last case
of the present term of court to come
before Judge Pfau, but there are some
four cases to come before another
judge.
Ambrose Ref, who is charged with
the murder of Mrs. Timmerman's sup
posed child is one of her most i'm
portant witnesses, and is attending the
trial.