Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-03-19
For An Idle Moment

Gen. Phil Sheridan was at one time
asked what incident in his life caused
him the most amusement.
"WeU," he said, Il always laugh when
[ think of the Irishman and the army
mule. | was riding down the line one
/! day when | saw an Irishman mounted on
a mule that was kicking rather freely
The mule finally got his foot caught to
the stirrup, when, in the excitement,
! Pat remarked
"Well, if you're gOin' to git on, I'll be
gittin' off,
certain bishop was famous as being
the plainest man of England.
One day, as this hOmely parSOn sat in
an omnibus, he was amazed by the per-
sistent staring Of a fellow passenger,
who finally said:
Look ere, parSOn, would you mind
comm 'Ome with me to see my wife?"
Imagining the wife was sick and need
ed assistance, the clergyman, at great
Inconvenience to himself, went. On ar
irving at the house, the man pointed to
the astOnished parsOn, and said with a
grin Of delight:
Look e 'ere, Sairry. Yer said this
mOrnin' as [ was the hugliest chap in
Hengland. Now, just look at this bloke"
An old plasteTer is called Upon to give
evidence for the plaintiff, Counsel for
the defendant tries to bully him.
"Have you ever been in prison?"
"Yes, twice"
'Ahl how long the first time?"
zone whole afternoon"
What And the second timer"
"Only one hour"
''And pray. what offence had you COM
mitted to deserve so small a punish
ment?"
81 was sent to prison to whitewash a
cell to accommodate lawyer who had
cheated one of his clients"
There is a Wilmington man whose
nerves sometimes give way under the
constant fire of questions from his talk
ing 8-year-old son.
Dad" asked the youngster just as
the old man had one evening settled
down for a perusal of his newspaper,
dad, am | made of duSt?"
Il think nOtp' responded the unhappy
parent, "Otherwise you'd dry up now
and then"
"She is receiving attentions from a
young lawyer and also from young
doctor"
(Which is ahead?"
They're both somewhat backward.
The lawyer asks merely hypothetical
questions, and the doctor only seems to
hold her hand to take her pulse"
Miss Mary Coleman is a New York
| lawyer and a suffragette.
"A man doesn't need to be henpecked
TO support our movement" Miss Cole
man said. 1T is wronging men to say
our male supporters are like-like-"
Miss Coleman smiled.
Like this" she said. A tall, stout
woman seated herself before the haber-
dashery counter of department store
and sal:
II want to get some collars and neck
ties for my husband.
Eyes, madam" said the clerk. "What
size collars?"
"The woman frOwned and bit her lip.
Sugar. she said. ''TO save my life l
can't rememberp
Thirteen? Twelve and a half?" the
clerk suggested.
"Why, yes-twelve and half" said
the woman. "How did you guess it?"
"The clerk smiled.
Gentlemen who let their wives select
their ties and collars generally take that
size,' he said"
small town in southern Georgia, one
morning last week, he called loudly,
"JOnes against Johnson
A dignified gentleman came to bar and
said:"I am DR.. Jones, your honor, the
complaining witness. My chickens
were stolen and found in the possession
Of"
lone moment, DOCTOR" the judge in
terrupted. I'VE must have the defend
ant at the bar. Jones against Johnson!
Jones against JOhnsonl Is the defend
ant present? Is William Johnson in
court?"
A tall and shambling negro shufied to
the bar, ducked his head, pulled his
woolly foreloek in token of respect, and
grinned propitiatory grin.
"Ah's Willyum JOhns'n, please sur
ledge" he said. "Ah dOan' know muffin
bout no 'fendant, sub. Ah'm jes' de
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