davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
It Was Good Advice.

A wildly turbulent peasant was once
a witness in trial before Chief Baron
O'Grady. The counsel, after Fostering
him for some time, put question to
him which reflected on the witness
character
IF We ak me that again I'll give We q
kick in the gob?' was the answer.
The counsel appealed to the court
stating that an answer was necessary
to his clients case, ending up with
the query, what would your lordship
advise me to dor
''If you are resolved to repeat the
question" replied the court, I'D advise
you to move a little from the wit
ness"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
He Daxed Lew Wallace.

Shortly after the first success of
"Ben-Hur" Lew Wallace had occasion
to go over to London and one day
picked up pirated copy of the novel
at a railroad newsstand. To his
'amazement he found the subtitle left
off, preface interpolated and one Of
the chapters rewritten OF course he
boiled with rage, and as soon as pos
sible he called on the publisher. That
gentleman coolly admitted his crime
and told Wallace he thought the
amended form better adapted to the
British taste, doncherknow. His gall
was so stupendous that the novelist
was awed and went away without
splitting his gore.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
MANNING THE STATIONS.

Discipline Aboard Ship at Sea In
Times of Emergency.
At no time is the perfect organ1za-
ton aboard ship SO we'll Illustrated as
In the time Of an emergency. The
slightest scent of danger in the wind
must find every man ready. AND
every man is ready. Every man has
q number. Every man has station.
A bell tap may send your dining room
steward off at run just when ne Is
serving your soup. At the bell tap he
Is no longer your steward. He Is
''No. 70" in the ships emergency or
ganization, and when he gets to his
station he finds Nos. "a, 45, 236, lit,
248 and some others there to act with
him like a machine. Aboard a big
ship there are sometimes as many as
sixty stations about the vessel, and at
the sound of an alarm bell thirty Sec
onds have not elapsed before every
man has responded to his number at
his station and is ready to act, to fight
fire, to man the lifeboats, or what not.
Up in the wheelhouse is further ex-
emplifcation of what system will do.
Within reach of the officers are
dozen contrivances Of machinery that
connect with every part OF the ship.
A touch of one lever closes bulk
head in this or that compartment OF
the hold, a touch Of another mans all
emergency stations, lever here mans
lifeboat so-and-so, and a lever there
mans any one or all. Here is tele-
phone, it's wires extending to every
part of the ship, and an officers voice
carried to a distance station in the
bowels of the ship is so magnifed
by mechanical means that 1t can be
heard twenty feet from the receiver
and fairly bellows its orders.
A sailor or steward never knows at
what minute, day or night, he may be
called to his station. At the sound OF
the signal bell he must be at his post.
There is a drill Of some kind every
day aboard ship, but the men never
know whether they are running to
real fire or only drill. Boats are un-
covered, falls overhauled, davits swung
out. Every boat must have its COM
pass, night signals, fresh water and
provisions ready for immediate action.
From the chart room the captain can
start squad in the most remote part
Of the ship simply by pressing a but
ton, and the flashing Of tiny electric
lights faithfully record how every de-
tail of the drill is being carried out.
A chart gives the location Of all bulk
heads, and a tiny light sparkles when
this or that water tight compartment
is closed. In case of collision every
bulkhead below the water line is closed
by turn of lever in the wheelhouse,
making the modern ship practically
unsinkable.-Van Vliet Aiding In Book
keeper.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Cleaning a Well.

Before going down into well test
the purity of the air by lowering a
lighted candle or lantern. If the light
burns dimly or goes out the poisonous
carbonic acid gas "damps" can be
driven out by igniting quantity of
turpentine and sawdust or kerosene
and rags in a kettle and lowering it to
the surface of the water, and then
later pour several bucketfuls Of water
into the well from the top. Test again
with The lantern and note the improve
ment. We want our folks to be on the
safe side.-Farm Journal.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Building Up q Speech.

Before making speech Charles
Dickens. would decide on his various
heads and then in his minds eye nken
the whole subject to the tire Of cart
wheel, he being the hub. From the
hub to the tire he would run as many
spokes as there were subjects to be
treated, and during the progress Of the
speech he would deal with each spoke
separately, celebrating them as he
went round the wheel, and when all
the spokes dropped out one by one and
nothing but the tire and space remain
ed he would know that he had accom-
plished his task and that his speech
was at an end.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
ROLE OF THE C0C0ANUT.
The Staff Of Life to the Natives Of
Sea Washed island.


1t is more than coincidence that
the tree which furnishes greater
amount Of available material to man
than any other in the vast kingdom Of
vegetables is the first to spring up on
the bare rocks Of the newly arisen
coral reef. The cocoanut, so formed
that it may have foated halfway across
the Pacific, Is thus universally distrib-
uted throughout tropical islands.
It thrives best near the sea, seldom
penetrating far into the interior. Its
hard shell is a coat Of mail for the en-
bryo plant, enabling 1t to stand hard
usage for protracted period and
locking up securely the precious life
in miniature
and is seldom seen on the market on
account of the greatly increased bulk
breaks the jar which would be inevi-
table should the hard nut fall unpro-
tected from the tall tree to the ground
sixty or ninety feet below.
Such a blow would scarcely fail to
break the shell, occasioning the loss Of
the nourishing milk SO necessary to
the germ. The outer husk not only
breaks the jar of fall. but buoys 1t
up on the water. while the tough outer
cuticle is waterproof
Thus Is the tree which offers to man
almost in the raw state all his neces-
stiles freely scattered where the warm
seas and their borders offer footing,
= a. 49, 1, Ill
sugar, milk. butter. wine. vinegar, oil,
candles. soap. cups. ladies', cOrdage,
mating thatch for roof and material
for raiment, combining food. clothing
and shelter in single gift. continually
making waste places habitable.-New
Age.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
The Poultice 10 a Harbario Relic.

The Pouitice 10 Barbaric Relic.
The poultice is barbarous relic Of
the days Of witch burning. The typ
ical home poultice is made Of fiaxseed.
It is a soggy, unsayory. germ infested
instrument Of torture. Clapped upon
the suffering baby's chest, it interferes
with the poor child's breathing, infects
his skin with the germs that cause
pimples and boils and makes him I'M
bearably uncomfortable and unhappy.
The heat in the poultice is its only
valuable feature. The dampness does
damage, and the faxseed is as inert as
SO much sawdust or breakfast food.
Why not use hot water bags or, bet
ter still, hot cloths ?-Delineator.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Sprinu AffIiction.

The housekeeping microbe
Has got 'em
AS sure as you're
Half a foot high.
From garnet
Clear down to the bottom
The household
Is muchly awry,
With wife a sight
For the neighbors,
An apron protecting
Her head.
She pushes with fury
Her labors
From daylight
Till ali are in bed.
From Florida
Clear to Vancouver
The story
Is muchly the same.
You'd think to observe
The maneuver
That II were
A sort of a game.
The way she goes after 1t
Yearly
You'd think that 1t were,
On the square,
Not quite q religion,
But nearly
With all
OF the elements there.
The house
Is q sight for the wreckers,
And man as he ducks
From the same
You could
On his coattail play checkers
If you were a slave
To the game.
She's built
On that order,
Dear brothers,
And really
She isn't to blame.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Among the numerous time and labor
saving devices for gardeners use the
geared hedge trimmer, invented by a
New York man, is one Of the most in
teresting. With it a hedge that for
merly required five hours to trim can
be clipped in one hour, or one man
can do the work Of five. This appara-
tus consists of long rod with Shout
der piece at one end and a pair of
shears at the other. Along this rod Is
a drive wheel connecting with rotary
pinion, which operates the crank con-
trolling the shears. The device Is held
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
FARM WORK PAYS WELL

Investment Concerns Are Forced TO
Advertise In the Northwest.
During the last few months it has
become harder and harder to secure
farm mortgages upon which to loan
money. The farming districts recently
have been actually secured for farm
ers needing ready money. The situa-
ton is such that, with plenty Of mon
ey available to lend on farms and no
farmers in need of that money, the
usual rate Of per cent is being pared
down to 51h and even as low as per
cent.
This at least is the outline Of exist
ing conditions, particularly with ref
erence to Minnesota and the two Da
kotas, given by Grant Van SAINT, who
has been active In securing mortgages
In this connection for farm loan con
Germ.
. Whatever the farmer may be doing
with himself, he is not asking fol
money. He may not be spending as
much at the general store; he may not
be restocking his farm or replacing
his machinery, but at any rate ht
scorns proffered loans, even at low
rates. 1t is not thought, however, tina
he IS neglecting to improve his plant
or is foregoing the pleasure Of elevat
ing his standard Of living somewhat
Such abnegatiOn would hardly be con
sistent In a person with big balance
In the bank and q check book In his
pocket.
The gradual development Of this sit
uation has been coming on for some
time. Two or three years ago farmers
needed money occasionally and gladly
offered mortgages. Gradually this di
minished little by little until now, ex
cept in the case of extraordinary cir
cumstances, the worker of farm MOI
only is Indifferent to investors, but is
seeking to do a little investing on his
own account.
Farm loan institutions, it is said
first worked through Minnesota offer
ing money. Then came the two Da
kOtas Now agents of these concerns
are going through Montana in the un
pleasant hope Of finding some unfor
tunate possibly who wants 'to mort
gage the farm" Their quest has no
been particularly encouraging.
AS indicative Of the paucity Of avail
able mortgages happening in a wei
known farm loan company may be
cited. An eastern investor came Ii
and called for 100000 in farm loans
secured by mortgages, which must BIZ
delivered within a year. Simultaneous
~ he wrote out check for $15.OO(
and asked for immediate investment
The company was able to place only
$4,000 Of it and now has gone to tn
expedient of advertising for mort
cages.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
He Got the Teacher.

A man called at grammar school in
q large city to see one Of the teachers
and, uncertain just which was the
room he wanted, noted the bell buttons
In the main corridor. He pressed one
Of them. His surprise was great when
soon after the sound Of the gong chill
dren and teachers fed forth from the
various rooms, all in orderly line and
with no excitement or crowding. The
visitor had pressed the button which
called for the fire alarm drill practice.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Trim Small Fruit.

Now is good time to trim the rasp-
berry and blackberry fields. Not much
fruit can be expected from feeble
canes, and even the best canes will not
give much fruit If they are too close
together Manure or fertilizer is also
required. Blackberry fields have been
known to give good service for years
without fertilizers, but If the field is
given good cultivation and well sup
piled with plant food the increased
yield and better quality Of the fruit
will make some improbable fields pay
well
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
lJsefuI to Flirts.

A young man called on patent ex-
pert and showed him an idea he want
ed protected. 1t was in the form Of
an engagement ring.
"But," said the expert, examining
the very ordinarT looking circlet.
"what is there pateniable about this ?"
'It is adjustable, SIR" said the in
ventor proudly.-London Answers.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
DoInu Il.

Old Lady Ito grocer's boy)-Don't
you know that it is very rude to whis-
tie when dealing with a lady?
Boy-That's what the guv'nor told
me to do, mum.
"Told you to whistle"
"Yes'm. He said II we ever sold you
anything we'd have to whistle for the
money."-London Fun.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Easiest Way Out.

Guilty or not?" asked the judge.
II haven't made up my mind" re-
piled the prisoner.
IF you don't know, who does"
well, judge, that may look like an
easy matter to you. but am trying to
figure out whether it will be cheaper
to hire lawyer or pay the fine"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

against the shoulder by means Of a
handle in the middle. Then the drive
wheel is turned, and by means Of the
multiple gearing it opens and closes
the shears five times with each revo-
luton. thus making the apparatus a
saver of 80 per cent in either time or
labor. All the operator has to do is to
keep turning the wheel and moving
the shears along the hedgerow where
II needs Ginning
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Running Conversation.

Running ConVoFe1tIon.
Collector (angrily)-You know very
well, sir, that this bill has been run
ming several years. Now, put It up
to you, what do you want me to do
with it? Debtor-By George, I'd enter
It In the next Marathon race If I were
youEPuck.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Everything For tho Best.
II can't bear that man."
"WhyY'
"He bores me with his lies"
"You don't know what he knows;
that is the reason you are bored"
whats that got to do with itT'
IF he told the truth he would be
horribly disagreeable as WELL"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
What Did He Mean2

Eyes; believe that every Intelligent
woman should have vote"
"But, senator, understand that you
were opposed to women's suffrager
81 am."-Judge.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

10 page trap book illustrated,
picture of IS wild animals in natur-
al colors, FUR ANIMAL CALEN-
DAh, gun and trap catalog, alss
prices of hides and furs. All sent
postpaid for 10c stamps or silver.
FREE to those who ship to, or buy
OF us. Address Fur Dept, N. w.
Hide Il Fur Co., Minneapolis, Minp.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
The Judge Could Use Him.

'That man Is an IDIOT"
lis he reallyw
Eyes; he doesn't know a thing
'Then he should qualify as a pro-
fessional juror"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

There is no greater grief than In
misery to turn our thoughts back to
happier times.-Danta
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

When a man raises a disturbance
he is apt to be called on to settle mat
tiers with the judge.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
New Deal.

Those Turks who took the sultans part
May to the woods skedaddle.
The constitution bless its hearth
Is firmly In tina saddle.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
Couldn't.

Couldn't.
my bread just won't RISE" COM
planned the disheartened wife who
was trying to make her first loaf.
perhaps the price Of wheat has
fallen" suggested her logical minded
husband.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Nobody cares where you get off, but
there are a lot who will try to see to
it that you don't get on.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

1t is sometimes easier to get into an
argument than it is comfortable get
ting out.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Being able to dictate terms to the
landlord is enough to give any man
swelled head.
The man who looks like loud noise
may be nothing but a big bluff.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

No doubt people
who are so fond
of dogs might be-
come equally at
tached to children
If they were to
d / sc yer that
t h e r e are such
things.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01
4 Hun1Or and
} Philosophy
a BY DUNCAN n. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

1t is about as hard to tell a valuable
lie as 1t is to dodge a worthless one.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

TIL e unfeeliSg
person who won't
Ii s t e n to your
trOu b les may
have suffered in
the 8 t from
much listening.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Living on Easy street is truly de-
lightful, but the road to 1t is some
times rough and beset with peril.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

The son of a millionaire is usually
known by the S sign.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-01

Many young man has discovered
that it sometimes takes great deal
of time, money and attention to fail
to convince a girl that he is the only
man.
Being smart may not be popular or
comfortable, but it sometimes gets the
desired results.
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01
THE ELITE" (HOTEL
STREET..

This building, be it said, is no
misnomer but rightly and right
eously named; for, from the attic
to the cellar, from roof to foun-
dation stone, it is in order and all
that its name (The Elite) implies
or stands for.
Mrs. c., who has charge
of the third story entire, is a No.
housekeeper; and Mr.. Stein, a
German, who owns this estate,
cares for the rest and is no No. 2
in the art of fine and sanitary
housekeeping; he has the large
curio store next to the main en-
trance, and should you want
curios, where find finer than
those of Mr.. Steiner? At the top
of the first wide easy flight there
is a door and window looking
to the hills, to the top of C. U.
Church, to the tops of giant trees
and into the beautiful yard of
Helen's Court. The prospect and
the air are of the best.
On this second story, then, are,
in No. I the Scientific Christians
holding forth with fine singing)
twice week.
There is, too, the scientific con-
crete man Mr.. c. of Paia re-
nown; the scientific violinist Mr..
B, the scientific red auto
Mr.. w., the scientific mer-
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01

all the people at the cemetery, no
one at the post-ofice shut tip like
a tomb, only the cars taking in
any money, the band at the beach,
not even a church bell ringing or
child to be seen, all at picnics
and Honolulu is dreary deserted
town.
Brown is the best color to eat
and to wear; and, it is at the
Young one can buy the best
brown bread, (Young browns)
small little sweet loaves for S
cents. Goodbye.
y y y
Do you desire to know what
sort of a business man is Mr..
Rowe, the painter, of Alakea
street? Very we'll. Whenever he
sees that the Times is to be out
on that day, he places quarter in
a certain place, where when we
come and if he is out, we can
pocket it, leaving him the paper,
on his table. So now you know
MIR. Rowe-and one kind act, of
years.
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01
"CHINK" NO. IL.

CF1lNN" No. IL.
The country never look'd better,
For the past twenty years,
Honey;
There's mud and feed no end,
today,
And the brooks are singing
Money!"
Look at the paddocks, green as
grass,
Well have rich beef to eat,
Honey;
Ought now, to make butter first
class,
And keep at home, that big
money.
Everybody's face getting short
Even on the hill tops, money;
There's no danger of being
caught,
In the mine holes," this year
Honey.
Our ships are coming into port,
With all their canvas spread,
Honey;
And on the waterfront, tits said,
They are bringing piles of money.
There's a good man at the top,
OF this Territory, Honey;
And he's gwine to STOP
But, you go on, saving money.
Never meddle with Politics.
The Valley lots, how much
money!
O be patient, things will get fixed,
Then you'll see, you will see,
Honey. (Cream.)
Twenty-six million immigrants
have come to this country since
1920. Last month the arrivals ex-
ceeded 10000, which is at the
rate of more than a million and
quarter yearly. These figures af-
ford sufficient warrant for the
action of the President in declin-
ing to regard the post of Commits
sioner of immigration at Ellis Is
land as a place to be filled in
obedience to the behest of the
heads of the New York Repub-
lican organization, and in select
ing an appointee whom he be-
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01
CROSSING THE BAR.

Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of
the bar,
When l put out to sea.
But such tide as moving seems
asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out
the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness or
farewell,
When I embark.
For tho from out the bourne of
Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.
-Tennyson.
y y y
Gorham D. Gilman, the old
friend of Hawaii in Boston, writes
to Secretary Mott-Smith to in
form the donors of the koa table
here that the table has been made
as good as when it left the manu-
facturer in Hilo. The table went
to the bottom of He'll Gate, New
York, in a steamer that was sunk
in collision and was recovered
after long submersion.
Otis cut-and-dried table now.)
y y y
We will try to worry through
the 4th of July by eating a few
times more when not a bite hum
cry, or something; and then we
must hope, we shall not have to
keep any more public holidays for
a few days at least for they are
truly getting to be positively
.wearisome.
The streets look like a funeral,
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01

Alaska has so long been a neg
lected back yard of the nation
that the appointment of Walter
E. Clark as it's Governor will
probably attract little attention.
Yet the work to be done in better
enforcing law and order in that
distant territory, in developing
it's resources, and in improving it's
means of travel and communica-
ton is of great Importance. The
mines and fisheries of Alaska have
produced volume of wealth
which was undreamed of when it
was purchased from Russia.
y - y
The Honolulu times. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1902-1911, 1909-07-01
last but al

chant Mr.. l., last but al
ways first, The Honolulu Times.
1t is beautiful building and as
well-kept as any private home.
Tom Sharp has the corner shop,
look at his signs and in The
Times.
The log cabin Democrat., 1909-11-12
NO USE FOR A SHIRT.

A story is told of brownie whs assisted the people of Dol phistSn, in Roxburgshire, in threshing their corn. The farmer left an article of dress for him, which so cEended him that he immediately quilted the place, saving:
 Sin yeve glen me a harden ramp.
 Ma mair O your corn will tramp.
 One of the principal characters. ties of the brownie was his anxiety regarding the moral conduct of the household to which he was attached He was spirit very much inclined to prick up his ears at the first ap- pearance of any improrriefv in the ranks of his fellow servants. The least delinquency he was sure to re- port to his master, from whom ne bribe could induce him to conceal the otfense which fell under his no tice.--T. P.'s Weekly, London.