Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-12-30
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| would | do?" But you are married.
"All husbands are."-H ouston Post.
First Newporter-Was it an inform
al dinner? Second Newporter-Very
The flowers only cost 2,50O.-Puck.
Since Maud's engagement how
bright and happy she looks" Yes;
match lights up girls face. Life
Mrs. Cheatham-I believe l shal
have to give up bridge. Miss Frank
Really? Wasn't the game worth the
scandal Puck.
Nature plans well for mankind's
needs" Il should say so. What coult
be more convenient than ears to hook
spectacles over?"
Old Lady Gin a shoe shop Have
you felt slippers? Small Boy Assist
ant (solemnly)-Yes, am; many &
time.-Comic Cuts.
Was it your wife who called you uT
this morning." "No; that was aunt
1t was my wife who called me down
baltimore American.
Solemn Man-Do you hear the clock
slowly ticking? Don't you know what
day it is ever bringing nearer? Cheer
full Man-Yes, payday.
Professor-I've come to see your col
lection of curios. DECENTRALIZATION,
If introduce, first Of all, my wife and
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Blaetter.
opportunity calls just as often as
in years gone by" "But with us, all
huddled up in fats, opportunity is
liable to whistle up the wrong tube
Minister-And the child's name,
madam? Mother firmly)-Name him
Frederick Robert Cook Peary Smith.
I'm not going to take any Chances
Puck.
Barber (to customer, whom he's cut
up)-Would you mind going out the
back way? So many people might see
you in the main street-Meggendorfer
Blatter.
Suitor Con bended knee)-See, in
me, my love- your most humble and
devoted servant. Shelf this is your
first place, III engage you for life
Lustige Blatter.
Arctic Explorer-During our whole
two years in the polar region we
couldn't wash ourselves once. Enfant
Terrible-Mamma, can't we move
Welt
will that young man ever &C
homer demanded the irritated head
of the house. Il guess so, father" re
piled the mater familias. He always
has. s."-Washington Herald.
Professors Wife Ito cook My hus
band has received a call to Heidelberg
Will you go with us? Cook-I feel
highly honored, madam, but l cannot
accept the call.-Lustige Welt.
Poet-When l finished that poem
vas completely exhausted. Editor
can sympathize with you, old man
was in the same condition when
inished reading it.-Philadelphia Rec
,rd.
He (nervously) -Er-erM Margaret
,r-er-there's something has been
rembling on my lips for the last two
months. She-Yes, so I see. Why
lon't you shave it off?-Princeton
Tiger
You women never keep posted on
urrent events" why, yes we do.
we been reading all about the finding
# the pole. But, John?" We'll,
shat?" How did the pole happen tc
e lost? Public Ledger.
"Say, Casey, it's haired wurrker We
re How many hods Nv mortar hev
e carried up that ladder to-day?"
'asey-Hush man. I'm fooling the
oss. I've carried the same hod up
nd down all day, and he thinks I'm
yurkin."
Senior Partner-Keep a sharp eye
n Holdfast. I'm afraid he's robbing |
be firm. Junior Partner-Eh? Is he
wing extravagantly? Senior Partner
Well, l passed him in the street yes
erday, and he was smoking cigar
hat didn't smell at all bad.-Tit-Bits
Il must warn you. dearest" he said,
that after we are married you will
cry likely find me inclined to be ar
itrary and dictatorial in my man,
err" NO matter" she replied, cheer
lily, Il won't pay the slightest at.
,ntion to what you say."-Presbyte
an Standard.
Has that feller Pinkley returned
ONE YETI" Nope. He's been gone
vo years now, and nobody knows
essed thing about him" We'll,
arned If l shouldn't think you'd be
raid he'd come home some day and
aim he found the South Pole
Ieveland Plain Dealer.
One of the wittiest of Parisians. in
friends box at the opera, was listen.
e to "Thais," or rather trying to do
}. for his hostess talked necessarily
Id deadened the music with her shrill
,ice. At, the end of the opera she
vited him to the next subscribers
ght. With pleasure" replied he;
have never heard you in Faust.
Exchange.
How is this?" asks the brutal hus-
nd, looking over his wife's accounts.