The Salt Lake herald-Republican. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1909-1918, 1909-11-14

q sealed book. and now breath OF the
wind had broken the seal 1 never before
had dared to think of a wOman's kiss; had
never before embraced one.
Tomorrow night 1 will call
again and longer. Sweetheart, good might"
she whispered kissing me once more. AID
then she left me.
When 1 regained my composure L gs-ed
at the picture of the Madonna, before which
the tiny wax candle was pickering ana
burning in it's socket, and 1t seemed as 4
the divine eyes of the holy picture wero
sad and IL its lips said to me:
Man, what have you done? You have
kissed another mans wife. You going
to embrace her tomorrow night again. "a
bewitched you with her charms. and you
committed a great crime by following your
momentary impulse of emotions. Think of
ito love another mans wife?
Il shuddered as a criminal shoulders when
remorse begins to accuse him. 1 pondered
my act for a long time, and threw myself
upon the floor in desperation. All this
beauty which I had felt few hours be-
fore gone, and 1 felt ugliness every
where 1 looked, The moon, the garden and
the roses looked like sneering ghosts, and
the song of the nightingale was like the
laughter of despair
How changeabls is the worldr
thought: and how great is the role which
our own soul playsl If there is storm
in the soul the whole world is in tempest.
So If there is beauty within ourselves. there
is also beauty around Now, shall I
love her? Shall mo. But. but and
so the debate Of my two natures began in
my heart, and I listened to theiT discussion.
why not to love her? oh, how sweet
It isr shouted the voice of the passions.
"No; don't! 1t is wrong; she is another
mans wife She owes duty to her hus-
band. She Is bound to another man throuP
her sacred vows replied the voice OF the
conscience.
Nonsense interrupted the passions.
Marriage? That's nothing. she can elope
and marry you. II you say so. But you
can love her also secretly SO that nobody
will know It,
Conscience was quiet for several min
utes as IL In meditation, and then replied;
Would you like to be brute that lives
by its degenerated instincts, and not man
who must listen to his conscience? Are
you a friend of vice ana foe Of virtue?
Would f. please you II another man should
take your wife? The love of wife is holy.
and you must not profane it with your
brutality. Don't become a criminal nut
escape
Thus both voices continued their dis
cusslon till long after midnight. I looked
at the Madonna's picture, and It seemed
as II it called me tenderly by name; and,
oppressed by terrible guilt, I fell on my
knees in a prayer. L knelt, meditating
silently, and wished that I could come to
q resolution. While I was getting ex-
hausted of the struggle between my moral
and brutal ego an idea flashed through my
mind that 1 should escape from the castle.
/ rose and decided to fee. for 1 realized
that I could not resist her love II she
would come again Consoled by my reso-
luton. went to sleep. and awoke with
strengthened spirit.
Making a little bundle Of my valuables
and writing letter to her. 1 prepared to
leave. left the letter the harp in the
chapel, where she would ind It the next
night, in which I described the reason OF
my flight. Soon after dawn, with her pic
ture on my heart departed. Once more
I looked back at the castle 1 could see a
pickering fire IN her window and the wind
whispered softly in the dark trees on the
road.
What will she say when she finds me
gone? Poor, poor Annitar muttering,
I stumbled ike one in a dream toward the
railroad stsuiUn.
But where shall goy asked myself,
and hesitated.
The name sounded so big and appealing.
America was far away far enough to sepa-
rate US
America 1t shall be- I resolved, and
took the first train to the nearest seaport
and from there the first ship to the new
world.
How I came to America and how went
from place to place, earning my living
until I found a position a restaurant
singer I shall not describe IN detail
After few weeks of singing 1 said to
the man who hired me: I have not been
such an artist and would rather prefer
some other occupation
Nonsense you not in your Estho-
MIA. You are beginner in art. and lots Of
them start here from restaurants You sea
here everything is business he would nro-
test. and having nothing better, I remained
/ very successful. The patrons liked
me and the restaurant became my whole
America.
Two years passed like a dream and
made acquaintance with all the trivialitv
and superfciality of the restaurant life
What would AnnIta say If she knew 1
asked myself trembling.
i could not longer look at her picture
without a terrible shiver I felt 1 was
ruined man. / felt it would be better IL
should commit suicide. Thus the idea OF
suicide crept into my soul and made there
its breeding nest
"One beautiful Spring morning I decided
TO leave the city and drown myself in the
Hudson, far away from the noisy and filthy
streets which 1 lothed. 1 walked and
walked and came to this Dutch church and
cemetery, and 1t appealed to me like a lit
tie paradise of peace. 1 remained with the
old sexton. who really loved me, and whose
guest l was for several weeks A heavy
mood like a sufocating mist. appeared
every night In my soul, and the idea of
SUICIDE grew stronger and stronger.
prayed, I struggled against the idea: but
1t comes and overpowers me, like a night