The Republican journal., 1909-09-30

"A young Scottish recruit had been
placed on guard for the night outside of
the colonels tent. In the morning the
colonel stuck his head out
WHO are your he demanded sternlv.
The young man turned and affably re-
piled: Fine; hoo's yerself?"
PULLING HAIRS.
Editor Junkin of the Sterling Bulletin
has red hair. Editor Gretchen of the
Sedgwick Pantograph has no hair at all.
Mac, asked Junkin, chow did you
lose your hair?"
1T was red and | pulled it out, -
growled Gretchen.
A NEW APPLICATION OF THE GOSPEL.
''Oh, MOTHER exclaimed little Ray
mond upon his return from Sunday school,
the superintendent said something awful
nice about me in his prayer this morn
ingn'
.'That was splendid, Raymond. What
did he say?"
He said, o Lord, We thank Thee for
food and Raymond -"
NATURAL HISTORY PHENOMENA
Teacher was telling her class little
stories in natural history and she asked
if anyone could tell her what ground
hog was. Up went little hand, waving
franticaIly.
well, Carl, you may tell us what
ground hog is.
''Please, ma am it's sausage"
JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.
Please, Mumsey, just five cents, -
begged Johnnie.
But, Johnnie, it was only this morn
ing that | gave you five cents"
Il know, Mumsey, but putting his
arms around her neck--'l m so hard on
money!"
DO TELL!
''The wolves were upon us, he related
to the girl he was trying to impress.
Their bowling penetrated to our very
marrow. We fed for our lives. But
each second we knew that the ravenous
pack was gaining on US. Closer, closer
at last they were so close that we could
feel their muZzles against our legs so
"Ah," sighed the lady, greatly reliev-
ed. How glad you must have been that
they had their muZzles oni''
KINDER MAD.
Steve Long is noted for attending to
his own business and saying very little
about it. One morning an inquisitive
neighbor met him returning from the
woods with his gun over his shoulder.
''Hello, Steve. Where We been? A
shootin'?''
Yep"
What We been a-shootin'?"
Dog"
10y er dog? My! Was he mad?''
wall, he didn't looked so DANCED well
pleased
EXCUSED
Mr.. Mcclure was being examined for
jury duty in murder trial.
Mr. MCGUIRE" asked the Judge,
"have you formed or expressed an opin-
ion as to the guilt or innocence of the
prisoner at the bar?'
''Oi have not.
"Have you any conscientious scruples
against capital punishment"
Said Mr.. Mcclure with decision: 'Not
in this case, yer honor
YOU CAN LEAD HORSE TO WATER, BUT
The bartender grasped the man next
the stove by the shoulder and shook him
until he was awake.
''Here, Zeph," he told him, ''you'd
better go out and get some fresh air.
It II do you good.
Zeph merely grunted, drunkenly, and
huddled back in his chair. The bartender
tried it again with like result
''You won't get out, won't you?'' he
roared angrily, Selling the unfortunate
Zeph by the collar and the seat of the
trousers, he escorted him forcibly to the
alley. "Get out there in the air and
brace up" was his parting advice.
''Y' kin put me out if y like, but -
Zeph Strengthened up with drunken dig
nity-''ye can't make me take no air,
durn ye!'
NO TAILORED SUITS FOR RUSSELL SAGE.
An evening or so after my father and
| returned from our little journey, the
| famous financier honored US with a call.
The conversation wore around to adver-
Using, and my parents began to speak
vehemently concerning the "dlsgracefll
methods" of certain Yankee advertisers,
mentioning among others, the Plymouth
Rock pants people.
Mr.. Sage listened to his TRADE with a
gentle smile, then he slumped down in
his chair and chuckled so audibly that my
father fell silent.
plymouth Rocks, did you say?''
chuckled Mr.. Sage. Stretching out a
long leg he slapped his thigh and cried,
They're all they claim, those Plymouth
Rock pants I've got pair on now and
they wear like iron.'
SHAKESPEARE AS SHE is SPOKEN.
The Shakespeare Club of New Orleans
was noted for its amateur performances.
Once, a social celebrity, gorgeous in the