Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1909-07-09
Matrimonial Difficulties the Law Imposes.

Now that applicants for marriage
licenses must undergo medical exam
ination before they can procure tie
same in Washington State, its up 20
the freak bill lawmakers, men sent
to the State Legislature by the vot-
crS of the State who supposed they
were men with little horse sense,
to draft an anti-kiSSing bill soon as
possible, then after it becou eS a law.
it will not be hard to believe, in the
future, some such letter as this will
be offered as evidence in breach of
promise case:
My Darling Iphigenia:
AS | write these words. which
seem so tame and commonplace in adj
dressing you, glorious divinity. queen of
my heart and soul, long to be with
you. to clasp you to my heart, to gaze
deep into your eyes of tender, heavenly
azure and hear from your own sweet lips
the words that will make me the happi-
est OF men.
Wheu you whispered last evening that
| might hope to win you | felt an almost
irresistible impulse to kiss you, but upon
sober reflection that Section 10. Article
NLlN, of the Laws OF Washington. 1909,
expressly iorbids kissing unless kisser
and kissee have certificates from their
family doctors that they are free from
colds, coughs, folicular tonsiltis and
the bacillus oi diphtheria, concluded
that it was best to take no chances.
To-day. loveliest lphigenia, called on
the good. wise old Dr. Pilsencaps, and
asked him to look me over without fear
or favor. And he. too, bids me hope in
certificate full OF well-chosen words.
which have forwarded by autO-truck to
your father, together with a list OF INV
stocks. bonds, deeds, leases, shares and
real and personal property of every kind
and description. classified according to
law. Darling lphigenia, how truly has
the poet said, '"Tis ultrahygienic love,
It's properly inspected and certifcated
love. that makes the world revolve as
well upon its axis as in its orbit or
words to that effect. Because have no
other copy of DIR. Pilsencaps' certificate
at hand. let me tell you, darling first.
that love you madiy, rapturously; sec
ond. that am germ-prOof. have been
vaccinated every two years and innocu-
ated with diphtheric antitoxin, every
three years since | was tiny little bov.
The good doctor certities that there is
not single bacillus or microbe in my
neighborhood-nOt one specimen of hy-
phomycetes, hlastomycetes. sacchromv-
cetes mycodermae. micrococci, saccharo-
myces conglomeratus, staphylococci.
streptococci, diplococci sarcina, torulae
schiz0mycetes, bacilli prodigiosi, spiril-
lac, sprochaetae, aerial, hyphae, patho-
genetic micro-organisms, facultaiive sap
rophytes or actinomyeces' paramaecilum
kolpoda leptothrix baccalis, diplococus
pneumoniae. leptothrix, buccalis maxi
ma, iodococus vaginatus, spirillum spu-
tigcnum, spirochaetae dentium. leptoth-
riX gigantea. bacteriae clodothrix OF Beg
giato, vibrio viridanus, bacillus crassus
sputigenus, streptococus septopyaemi-
Gus or micrococcus gingivae pyogenes.
20. joy! o, rapture! Being thus
thoroughly assured that | am entirely
free from symptoms of stomatomvcosis
sacricinea, and that have nor a sign of
primary actinomycosis of the respiratory
tract, hasten frsntically to clasp Won in
my arms and press upon your lips the
on-germinferous kiss of betrothal in
accordance with Section l4, Article
NLIN. of the Laws of Washington. 1909.
Meet me, my own hearts queen, at
$50 p. m, at the ascptic Proposal Par.
lOr, of your fathers house, with its beau
tiful hygienic, germ-proof, carpetless
marble floor, its curtainless windows,
its untapestried walls and its highly
polished nickel-plated steel furniture.
Let none but filtered sterilized air be
pumped into that sacred room. And
then and there, my darling, let US, while
your fond papa holds the watch and the
attending physicians, with their atomiz-
ers, spray us with essence of isteaine.
exchange the holy, pulsatiug kiss OF be-
trothal."
-Lue +. Vernon.