davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
MIRTHFUL REMARKS.

How could you. with your morbid lovs
of truth, tell the relative you did not want
to travel With you; that you would not
viii a < ms.""Bsltimore American.
Angry Pstron-That's the third time
you've given me the wrong number You
must have what they call the telephone
Girl In Central office-I beg your pardon,
sir, but that isn't the trouble. You have
what we call the cornmeal mush mouth
Chicago Tribune.
Your husband is of a studious turn OF
YES. indeed. whenever we have hash he
isn't satisfied unless he knows everything
that is in it."-Detroit Free Press.
Pride" said Uncle Eben. is sumpin'
like a flynn machine. Itll take you way
to Sp S SseT ms Ss sesdS VII II s srest cars esre 10 ou avoid y sa =
bump ashin Star.
Hello, cried Cheeriman, how are you.
Don't old man me" snapped Grouoher.
81 don't look like an old man. do ~
Well. no: just at this minnie YOU look
more like the old Boy Catholic stand
~ really hate to retire just now" ad-
mitted the elderly admiral.
You surely have earned a rest"
Perhaps so. but 10 go at the time when
an order has been issued for the abolition
OF naval fisureheads might cause my
course TO be misconstrued philadelphia
Ledger.
Home" said the sentimentalist, 'fs where
the heart is"
Yes. answered the rich American who
ives abroad, 'and what renders II still
oearer is the fact that it's the place where
the dividends are collected. "-Chicago Post.
she-What is the line they talk of cross.
ing In ocean travel?
,He--lt is popularity supposed to be the
She-oh. ! thought the lire might he
Baltimore American. 90"
I'm slad 10 hear that your boy Is get
town out west" $40 Nv"
,Foctho'dr Hes got a toehold. He's the
only doctor there. Chicago Tribune.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
where There is Real Graft.

- o. p AHlldlNApihd NtIOAus
Six millions Of graft in the filtration
contracts; the gas steal voted, and the
failure of the crime only due to the timid-
ity OF tho corporation, which was scared
out of taking what It's wicked partners
were willing to steal for il; and the city
bound in a contract with the rapid transit
only to enable the latter 10 increase its
fares 20 per cent. If any corporation de-
sires to depredate on the people Of Phila-
delphia, It is desired to communicate with
the city hall. where the negotiations Of
terms will be promptly entered upon.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
PERSONAL T

-
Levi p. Morton. former vice president,
who reached his S5th birthday Sunday. did
not enter politics until he was 81 years Of
age.
In view Of the sentence received by Cap
be more grateful than ever for what didn't
happen to him.
The police at Coney Island have to be
married men. Tough things to cot are
handed out there, and experience is needed
in meeting the danger.
A Philadelphia man bet he could drink
two quarts Of whisky within two hours.
He did; but he IL dead. A Chicago girl
bet she could waltz one hour without
stopping. She did; but she Is dead. These
things save the fool.killer trouble, low
ever.
Now that a Baltimore man has erected a
monument to Adam In the form OF a statue
II may be hoped that some grateful
descendant Of the original pair will pay
equal honor to Mother Eve, who was fully
as sooi as Adam, II not a little better.
Captain Josh Fournler OF East Marion.
l.. l., guide for many New York wealthy
sportsmen to the haunts of sea bass and
blackfish in Long Island Sound, Is dead.
He died in his little house close by the
waters OF the sound. which is furnished
like a cabin of a ship, and where he had
resided since he gave up deep-ses fishing,
twenty-five years ago.
Prof. Julius Hey, Instructor Of some of
the most noted German singers who have
ever come to this country, died Sunday,
in Munich. He was Is years old and had
been for many years OF his life an inti-
mate friend OF Richard Wagner. He was
successful as a teacher OF wagnerian sing
ing. but was never opposed to the best
principles Of bel canto as a means of in
depreciation.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Banking Heavily ON the Future.

Senator Depew also-faUs into argument
that the republican party never promised
a downward revision of the tariff, All
this of course, smacks of an effort to
prepare the country for a contrary result.
Mr.. Depew thinks that even II the people
regard. the party as pledged to a down
ward revision, still it can safely violate
that pledge-the restoration of business
prosperity certain to come being sufficient
to mollify the voters and excuse the party's
treason. This is banking heavily on the
uncertainties of the future.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

BRYAN ON THE TARIFF.
Party Professions Flaunted by Demo-
craas I'm Cor

crHAs IN eOn 9FeHe.
Cleveland Plain Dealer (dem)
William ]. Bryan visited Columbus the
other day. speaking at a banquet. A re-
porter of the Ohio State Journal inter
viewed him upon the tariff and other
political topics of the day. The reporter
asked the Nebraskan whether he would
be a candidate for president in 1912, but
got no satisfactory answer; upon the
Payne-Aldrich bill now before the senate,
however, Mr.. Bryan was more communi-
cative.
The thrice beaten candidate for president
has no confidence that congress will turn
out a finished tariff act that will satisfy
the public, On the other hand IF the
democrats had won and been able to carry
out their tariff reform policy it would
have settled the question and have per-
mitted a resumption of business"
Even Mr.. Bryan would probably admit
that it is very difficult to determine from
the attitude of the democrats now In con-
gress just what their tariff reform
policy" is. Their policy appears to be TO
get all they can for themselves and to
practice reform on the other fellows.
Were the democrats in the majority and
pledged to revise the tariff, they would be
forced by circumstance 10 adopt some
policy and fight for it. But their attitude
now. in their foot free condition. indicates
how shallow their conviction for real re-
form is.
But, II Mr.. Bryan is dissatisfied with the
exhibition the members OF his party are
now making in congress, why does he not
assert some of the prerogatives OF his as
sumed leadership and try TO guide them
to see the question right7 The Nebraska
man stands as nominal head OF a great
minority party whose representatives both
in the upper and lower house of congress
are making their ancient faith a laughing
stock for the nation. II may be doubted
whether Mr.. Bryan could change his
party's position to the extent OF q single
mans vote on a single schedule OF the
tariff bill, yet he has a perfect license to
speak and the fact that ne had made such
an effort would give him greater freedom
20 ~criticise the tariff measure both now
and after it's passage.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Trail of Tainted sugar.
San Franoisco chronicle.

san FRANCISCO ChIonlciS'
A great deal OF sugar has come into the
United States through the port of San
Francisco. and some OF II has been from
foreign countries. The fact naturally sug-
gests the propriety of the customs Off
Gals Investigating the possibility OF there
having been some fraudulent weighing on
this side OF the continent. II should not be
forgotten that the thieving Sugar trust
has a California end
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
ReopeninE tAe Ananias CIub.

NTVNVTUTTW T F"TTT 1917
II is to be hoped that Colonel Roosevelt
will save his reputation by officially APP
pointing to the Ananias club some of those
wild African correspondents who are send
ing out stories about him that fairly ooze
gore and place the colonels humanity
upon the same plane as that OF the grin
ming Hottentot.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

A bunch Of Mexican revolutionists
who made the United States their
headquarters have been sent to prison.
they will get no sympathy anywhere.
as the way they undertook to use
America as an asylum to plot against
their home government would be of
no credit to US even II they proved
successful.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Our amiable democratic contem-
porary, the world-Herald, hesitates to
tell which of those six democratic re-
elected couneilmen the franchise cor
porations are afraid of.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Fit Place for statue.
PHILADELPHIA Record.

The statue of Matthew Stanley Quay
been made under an appropriation
by the legislature, OF course some place
had to be found for It, and a niche in the
capitol rotunda has been selected. Con-
sidering the history of the building, there
is an impressive propriety in placing in
that palace of graft the statue OF the man
who SHOOK the plum tree" and who
the statute Of limitations.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The government automobile has
been banished from the army posts
and the mule has returned to his own.
Aside from the question of sentiment.
the mule is a necessity to overcome
the ennui of camp and garrison life.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Quite a few Maine towns have
passed ordinances absolutely barring
automobiles from the public highways.
Such legislation Is unreasonable, but
it may serve the useful purpose OF re-
minding a certain class Of automobile
owners they have no n TO blame but
themselves and induce them to apply
the remedy before the crusade spreads.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
A Little sugar Things.

While favoring. on principle, a tariff for
revenue only and holding that the poor
mans table SHOULD not be taxed, the Hon.
Ben T1lman is disposed to think there
ought to be a little protection for the tea
raisers Of South Carolina. 1t makes a diff
ference, you observe.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The king OF Portugal has decorated
the dowager queen for heroism dis
played when the late king was assas-
sinated. He might have economical
& little by procuring for her a Carnegie
mAdal
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Before talking about giving the
Park board $500, 900 or $1,000. 900 to
spend on Omaha parks and %boulevards
next year It would be a good plan to
read the city charter. The only way
for the Park board to get that much
money is for some public-spirited mil
lionaire 20 make the city a present.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

An eastern young woman invited
six OF her former suitors to her we'd
ding. The society reporter failed to
record whether they congratulated the
groom or one another.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

After all these years of Mr.. Bryan's
preaching against monopoly his home
town of Lincoln proposes to create an
absolute monopoly for the sale Of
LIQUOR "for medicinal. mechanical and
sacramental purposes" And a pri-
vate monopoly al that.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

According to a Lincoln news item,
the Nebraska state Dental society held
a banquet after giving denonstra-
tions at the university temple" Why
distinguish between a banquet and .
dental demonstration
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

If those hydrant rental judgments
bear z per. cent, the accommodating in
terest charge exceeds 50, 500 a month.
What is the Water board going to do
about IL?
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Immigration.s Mighty sweep.
Chicago Tribune.

Imaginative persons predict that sirships
not only will ~revolutionize war. but will
obliterate bout dairy lines and frontiers and
abolish custom houses. They kindly leave
to the inventors the working out OF the
details.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Hetty Green advises women to mind
their own business. The advice Is all
right for both sexes. but the trouble
comes In deciding the precise limits of
your own business.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

are going to hold a meeting to decide
what to do with Il. How that much
money escaped intact 30 long is incom-
p~rehensible.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The Chicago naval militia is to have
a real gunboat on which to train. The
sailor on the unsalted seas is such
good material that Uncle Sam proposes
to give him a chance.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

BY far the greater part of Iowa is
nearer to Omaha than it is to Chicago.
That's what makes it trade territory
for us to cultivate.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The lrst place to put the brakes on
reckless auto scorching is on that new
automobile police patrol, which seems
to think it Is immune.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The Mecklenburg declaration of in
dependence lost out simply because IL
didn't have a frst-class up-to-date ad-
veTtising agent.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
For small Favor., Thanks.

baItImOTe AHIeTIVaHs
II was a comforting thing In the senate
10 leave teeth on the free list In the tariff.
II makes It that much cheaper for the
people to gnash hem
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
One Field Oven 20 Inventors.
RrocLlvn Eaele

Wireless electricity is now used for
in Omaha. wireless politics is
about the only discovery OF this kind re-
naming for the inventive genius of the
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Carrie Nation says jugs are not
harmful when empty. OF course not,
the harm is done in the process of
erhptying.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

While touring Iowa u Omaha
trade boosters should make it a point
to capture hat one thousandth men,
Der for the Commercial club.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

1t looks as II w we're about to
build the Platte river canal again.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

New York Tribune.
II General winfield Scott Hancock were
alive today he would be the democratic
party's only logical candidate for the
presidencY.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

There is a balance OF $4,000 in the
treasury OF the Worlds fair held in
Chicago. and the surviving directors
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Charity never begins at home for a
losing ball team.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
STATEMENT or CIRCULATION.

state Of Nebraska. Douglas County. as.
George B Tzschuck. treasurer Of Th9
Bee Publishing company, beng duly
full ard complete copies of The Daily,
Morning, Evening and Sunday Bee printed
during the month of April. 1908, was as
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

The Omaha rainmakers are running
true to form.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
WHEN OUT OF TOWN.

Subscribers leaving IA city tenn
porarily should have The Bee
mailed to them. Address will be
changed as often as requested.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Stomach Trouble.
Your tongue is coated.
Your breath IL foul.
Headaches coma and %.
come and GO.

These symptoms show that
your stomach is the trouble. To
remove the eauseis the first thing,
and ChAmberlAin's Stomach and
Liver Tablets will do that. EAsyt
to take and most effective.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

GEORGE b TZSCHUCK,
Treasu .er. d
Subscribed in my presence and sworn to
before me this LIST day of May. 1903.
N. p. WALKER,
Notary Public.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Your husband is of a studious turn OF
mind, isn't he?"
Eyes. indeed. whenever we have hash he
isn't satisfied unless he knows everything
that lie In it."-Detroit Free Press.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Around New York

Nipples on the Current Of Life
40 Seen IN the Great Americas
Metropolis from Nay ~ nay.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Pride" said Uncle Eben. rs sunpin'
like a flynn machine. Itll take you way
to be managed wifi great care TO avoid a
bump. "--WAshington Star.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

How could you. with your morbid Iowa
of truth, tell the relative you did not want
to travel with you that you would not
take the 1880 RAIN"
1T was strictly true. The 1890 train
will take me" -Baltimore American.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

the heart is
Yes answered the rich American who
ives abroad. "and what renders II stll
oearer is the fact that it's the place where
the dividends are collected. "-Chicago Post.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Girl In Contra Office-I BEG your pardon,
sir. but that isn't the trouble. You have
what we call the cornmeal mush mouth
Chicago Tribune.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Angry P~Atron-That's the third time
you've given me the wrong number You
must have what they call the telephone
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21
Kills Germs

Nothing in medicine is known which sccomp-
fishes such vast good in so short a time with
weak, broken-down, worn-out, diseased stom-
aohs and sluggish, torpid, lazy l~ivers, rs DR..
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery-a standard
remedy for gemladen, impure blood. When
you feel dull and siekish, the bile is not AOw-
ing right, and the whole system suffers.
The organs lack power to convert food
into energy. Bacterial germs thrive at the ex-
pense Of the blood corpuscles. To escape
worrisome stomach trouble and liver COM
plant, go to the aid Of the blood corpuscles
and kill of the germs that would otherwise
Omaha daily bee., 1909-05-21

Every days. delay msans asnine further away from
health. Don't biundSF. Uee the intsnsely, effective.
Medical DisOov.
ery-the standard stomach. liver and blood medicine
for more than 20 years. Get the eenuine bearing
DR.. FieFOss faosimpe Signature . shown In cst.
Grsvest diseases spring from bowel neglect. When the bowels
quit working, the liver, sympatheticany, goes on strike; the
stomach gets out Of order and the blood impure. The first aid
and the best is Dr.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. They move and
strengthen the bowels and make fAew reeH1r-curng constipa-
ton with is long train Of resultant disorders.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
MRS. THOMAS HOSTESS
 AILuNcHEON FOR VISITORS.

Mrs. Charles Thomas entertained at luncheon yesterday in compliment to the two guests of her niece, Miss Gladys Ems len The .coterie of girls gathered at o'clock at the home of Mrs. Thomas father Mr. Christian F. Enslen, on High land avenue. They included Miss Ems len, Miss Marion Thomas and Miss Jean ne King. the guests of honor; Miss Laura Belle Enslen. Miss Emily Morriss, Miss Ruby Munger and Miss Edith Bowron. The names were on exquisite place cards, whose decorations were girls heads done in water colors, The floral scheme was sweet peas, their delicate tints giving the color note for the pretty affair. A huge basket of these blossoms made the cen ter piece and the colors were recur- rent in the various courses of the tempt ing luncheon. The Ices were little bas- kets of sweet peas
 Mrs. Thomas who was a most gracious hostess. was unusually lovely in lingerie
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
Go to Atlanta Prison.

Huntsville, June l.)-Deputy Marshal V. s. Root and Deputy Clerk E. D. Greenleaf left for Atlanta last night with four prisoners, who have been sen- fenced by Judge Grubb of the federal court to terms of one year and one day each in the Atlanta penitentiary. The prisoners are George DeMay of Jackson
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
DINNER FOR
 VISITING GIRL.

Miss Fannie Maud Gunter of Columbus Ga.. was the guest of honor at an in formal dinner given last evening by Mrs J. w. rain. Miss Gunter is the house guest of Miss Fannie May Copeland.
 Sweet peas in a large cluster orna- mented the center of the table whose pol ished top was covered with handsome lace pieces. The place cards were hand painted old-fashioned girls, each couple having cards which were the counterpart of the other. An unexpected feature was the cutting of a birthday cake in honor of MT. Fain, whose anniversary was yes-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
Effect of pampness.

Huntsville June A.-(Special. )-One ef- feet of the unusual dampness in the att mosphere not known generally is the fn- convenience caused the cotton mills. Some of the mills are working with closed win dows and the steam heating outfits work ing in full force just as in winter time. The operatives prefer the heat and gen. eral discomfort to the dampness, which would greatly impede the speed of their machines
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25

Masquerade Ball Saturday night, Bluff Park Hotel, tip top of Shades Mountain. We will meet $50 pm. L. 6 N. at Oxmoor Saturday. Our stage will in future leave the Brown Marx Bldg. daily (instead of 3d Ave and 18th St). Peoples phone 2230.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
Miss TalIiaferro's Funeral.

Huntsville, June 24.-(special. )-The re- mains of Miss Ruth Taliaferro, formerly of New Market, were brought from St. Louis, to Huntsville yesterday afternoon and inferred in Maple Hill cemetery beside the grave of her father, the late Charles P. Taliaferro, who was a prominent citi- zen of this county. Miss Taliaferro was 20 years old. She was a niece of Mrs. Robert s. Pulley of Huntsville.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
PERSONAL MENTION.


 MT. and Mrs. W. c. Agee and children have returned after stay of several weeks at Coden,
 Mrs. I. B. Malone of Pine Bluff. Ark. Is expected today to visit her mother. Mrs. George Lunsford, and her sisters, Mrs. J. R. Copeland and Mrs. J. W Fain.
 Miss Frederick Worrell of Atlanta Ga., is visiting Mrs. T. B. Bowers at Norwood Place.
 MT and Mrs. Frank Deedmeyer left yesterday for the east, MT. Deedmeyer to assume his duties as consul to Prince Edward Island. Their depart ure from Birmingham to make their home elsewhere is a source of deep re- gret among large circle of friends.
 
 Miss Mabel Pratt has returned to her home in Tuscaloosa after a very pleas ant visit to Miss Ruby Bishop
 Mrs. S. M. Cunning and Miss Helen Cunning have returned to Chicago after having spent the past eight months here.
 Miss Gugenheim of San Antonio Is visiting her sister, Mrs. Jerome K. Sterne, at $40 South Nineteenth street. | Mrs. Sterne and Miss Gugenheim have l just returned from Selma, where as the l guests of MT. Sterne's parents they were the recipients of much social at tenton. Miss Leila Wood will entertain at a dance at the Allen school this evening to the school and college guests pres ent
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
MIR. WILLOWS TO TALK OF VISIT TO CHARITY CONFERENCE

This afternoon at the home of Mrs. w. L. Murdoch MT Maurice Willows, the superintendent of the Boys club, will talk of his recent visit to Buffalo, when he attended the National Conference of Char ities and Corrections. He visited many institutions for dependent children and will discuss conditions and methods em- ployed in the management of each. MT. Willows is most interesting speaker and his work with the boys of Birmingham is
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25

young woman with a wide circle of friends and admirers The groom is a promising young business man who Is held in the highest esteem and who has won many friends by his splendid qualities
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
KYLE-FLEMING.


 The wedding of MT. Oscar Caffee Kyle and Miss Ethel Fleming was beautiful event taking place at the Sixty sixth Baptist church Wednesday evening at S:30 o'clock.
 The ceremony was impressively per formed by Rev. MT. Dobbs, pastor of the church. The church was beautiful ly decorated with palms. ferns and cut flowers. The colors of the wedding, pink and white. were never more ef- fective. Miss Bennett was organlst. Miss Fleming's maid of honor was Miss May Wallace, and MT. Kyles best man was MT. Jesse Scales.
 Eunice Wright. a. niece of the groom, scattered pink and white sweet peas, and Maggie Gould. also a niece of the groom, carried the ring in pink rosebud.
 The party entered to the strains of the Lohengrin wedding march, The maid of honor wore white with pink slippers and sash. and carried pink roses.
 The bride was beautifully gowned in white satin made princess and carried a lovely bouquet of brides roses
 The bride Is a lovely and attractive
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
Purity at Parker's'''

county. George W. England of Marshall county, J. L. Sullivan of Lauderdale county, John Evans of Jackson county. These men chose terms in the peniten- tiary rather than jail sentences of six months
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25
"rhe Inn.n

''Ihe Inn,' St. Clair Springs. Ala. Mod ern, screened, hot and cold baths, fare superior. Red, black white sulphur and lithia waters. An unsurpassed health re- sort Address Gates & Foster. Managers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25

$6.70 Atlanta and return, July 2,3 4 and 5. Southern Railway.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-25

terday. Seated about the table were Mir and Mrs. J. W. rain, Miss Gunter, Miss Fannie May Copeland. Miss Frederick Worrell of Atlanta MT. c. o. Peck, MT Leon Harris and MT. George Copeland