Los Angeles herald., 1909-09-16


summer vacation, an is ready to
II take yo' wash ag'in.
Yessum, allus goes off on a sum-
mer vacation, an l gives Ike one, be-
Gaze Is a merciful woman, an L be-
lieves dat ev'ry wife ought to let her
husband git de chanst to slip de yoke
of matermony evry now an den, so
as to ease his neck a little, an let de
CALLED places git well.
Yessum, after a man has done focht
his pay envelope home ev'ry Satur-
day night for year, an has gone TO
roost wild de chickens, an has had to
hold his breath when he come near
his wife eff he has stopped by de COR
ner saloon, an has wound up de clock
an put de cat out of doors, he shorely
does need a holiday. Yessum, he's
done earned hit, an hits a mighty
measly, ornery kind of a wife dat'll
| begrudge hit to him.
A woman dat won't let up on de
henpeckin' once a year sho' am po'-
| sperited creeter, an when hears bout
| desc devoted wives dat never has left
| dere husbands, nor let dere husbands
out of dere sight, 1 sut'nly does feel
my heart go out towards dem men in
pity, an lax sendin' in a hurry call
for dat cruelty to animals s'ciety. Yes
sum, 1 reckons dat one of desc heah
affectionate wives what husband
can't shake winter nor summer is one
of de worst Affections dat de good
Lawd can send on a man.
OATS de reason dat ev'ry summer
| takes trip for Ike's health, becaze
dere amt nothin' in dis worp dat peart-
ems a man up so LAX gittin' rid of his
wife, even eff hit amt but for two
or three weeks, an 1 allus notices dat
/ 7 cit ho off Of m
I cation Ike looks about ten years
younger, an lax he's done took de rest
cure. He's dat spryed up an cheered
up up dat you would think dat he was
fresh widower-an' dere certainly
amt nothin' dat seems to be so good
for a mans health as losin' his wife.
An 'tain't no wonder dat a vaca-
tion, even when de wife takes hit, does
de husband good. Hits jest natchul.
Time a man an a woman has lived
togedder for 'leven months out of de
year, dey has got enough, an mo- dan
enough of each odder's company. Dey's
told each odder ev'rything dey knows,
an de conversation kinder runs low in
de bin, an des to make talk dey be-
gins to argufy, an dat leads to scrap
pin, an most centrally dey lands in
de divorsh court, or de cop comes along
an runs 'em in. for maxim a rough
house.
Becaze dere's dis funny thing about
matermony-bein' married is lax gazin'
at de sun. After you has looked too
long an too steady at de partner of
yo' bosom you don't see nothin' but
spots. Dey is des covered wild blem-
ishes ontil you can't see nothin' good
in 'em, an de best cure for hit is des to
break away, an go an look at some
thin else .ontil hit rests yo' eyes.
OATS de way wild me an Ike. We
sashays along mighty comfortable in
double harness for a while, an sden
some day begins to feel lax I'll throw
de coffee pot at Ike's head eff he tells
dat ole story one mo- time bout how
he would have won de prize in de
policy game eff only he had of had de
right ticket. Den Ike he introduces de
subject of infant mmersion-a-k KNOWN
dat / is a deep water Baptist-dat we
begun f1ghtin' about befo' our fust
baby was born, an dat is still good
for scrap after thuty years of war
fare.
Den Ike, he ups an axes me eff 1 don't
think dat rs a-takin' on flesh, an 1
wonders eff Ike was as bow-legged
when 1 married him as he is now, an
den hits kinder proned into me dat de
time has come for me or Ike, one or
de odder, to git away somewheres, an
git off of de odder ones nerves. An
so l packs my carpet bag an lights
out, an when l starts off all dat l can
see when l tells Ike goodby at de depot
is a po', runty little niger man, wild
bald head, an stopped shoulders, an
crooked legs
But 1 amt been gone mo- dan three
days befo' he sorter begins to improve
in my mind when 1 thinks about him,
~ 6xrI Ia nd Of ftt NUaax Il HndG
dat l is a-braggin' to de women dat
I meets up wild about what fine, pus
sonable- -lookin' man, wild an intellec-
tual brow, dat I is married to, an by
de time 1 gifts ready to come home dat
ole nigger sut'nly does look good to
me, an I wouldn't trade him off for
de finest young buck in town. Dat
1 wouldn't
An hits de same way wild Ike. Co'se
Ike has got too good manners to tell
me dat he's glad rs gwine away, an
dat he is tired of wonderin how he
ever was fool enough to marry wom-
an dat has got a fgger lax a feather
bed, an dat Is so homely dat hits a
wonder dat she don't bust de lookin
| glass when she peeks in hit to see eff
lher bonnet is on straight. Naw'm, Ike
acts lax a puffick gentleman, an lies
about how sorry he is dat rs gwine,
an tells me dat he VIII be mighty
lonesome widout me. But he don't fool
me none. Naw'm. Dere's lot of res
| ignation in his looks, an I knows dat
he's thinkin' dat he is gwine to play
craps half de night, an drink all de
beer he can hold, an dat hits gwine
to be mighty restful to come home at
three o'clock in de mawnin', an not
find a woman waitin' up for him wild a
fiat-iron. Furdermo, I knows dat all
Ike sees in me is a fat woman dat
waddles as she walks, an dat has got
tongue about yard long.
But 1 amt been gone long befo' Ike
finds out dat he amt as good a crap
player as he thought he was an dat
beer gives him de headache. an dat he
is most pizened hisself on his own
cookin'; an den hit begins to git sort
of proned in on him dat a wife what
keeps things clean an neat, an dat has
got a master hand at cookin', is
sorter convenient thing TO have aroun'
de house, an dat he's got out of de
way of bein a sport anyhow.
Den / comes home, an you better
honor and Clyde e. Peairs stood with
k1,,-