The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1909-07-22
GARRULOUIS VACATIONERS
SWOOPJNG DOWN UPON US

| where you've drawn a check for s1.S5
10 pay the gas bill, and, sezzee, in loud
raucous, irritateful, aggravating tones:
We'll, we'll, old Stick Around- Two
Wallas, here y'are on the job. hey ?
Gosh, you look pasty faced an tucked
up, you sure do! Say. why don't you
take little gallop out of this baking
burg once in a while, just to switch
the luck? Look me over. Have you
been sitting here in the same old
place ever since l went away? Yep,
been away. Camping out, you know
Next to Old Mother Nature. Went up
in the north woods, and've been pack
ing a canoe around and sleeping under
the stars. and all like that. Tell you
what. old shipmate there's nothing
like it. There's nothing"
Here's your spot to kick in.
Been sleeping out in the open o.
Well, say. look-a-here, aren't you sort
Of afraid of that stuff? Malaria and
all that? Because 1 know half a doz-
en- fellows that contracted horrible
doses of malaria from indulging in
that camping out foolishness last year.
and now they're just mooching around,
metaphysical wrecks. They"
''Ow-r-r." he tries to rattle on, "there
wasn't any malaria where we were.
Pure piney balsam air, and
What. piney balsam air." you chop
in at this. Say. haven't you been read
ing what that German scientific sharp's
been saying lately about piney ball
sam cir? He says that it's a danger
that it's liable to give campers all
kinds of severe kidney troubles. Come
to lool, you over. you're bit gallery
and greeney about the mouth, even If
your nose is red, and"
Don't listen to all the rot you
hear" he replies to this, beginning,
all the same, to sort of curl up and
look inwardly alarmed. why, shucks,
We led the ideal hygienic life. Cooked
all of our own grub, and"
yes. and probably exposed all of
the food that you cooked to the new
ly discovered kinds of forest bacte-
ria you ring in upon him at this
point 1.-The bureau of forestry has re-
list of seven hundred and nenty- eight
thousand different kinds of bacteria
which infest the forests of North
America and that infect the food of
campers when the food is cooked in
the open. and. by Jove, now that l
| look at you still more closely, l can
see distinct evidences of ptomaine
poisoning all over your chart, and if
were you I'd beat it just as fast as
my moccasins 'ud carry me to some
medical sharp that knows. his business
and"
Thatll about get him. He'll wise up
to it by degrees, as you speed on. that
if YOU are not kidding him, you are
too much of an idiot to be used as a
Patsie fC,' his vacation experiences,
and nine, times out of ten he'll nudge
on to the next yard and tell the man
sitting in there all about what he did
and what he didn't do while he was
camping out
Another and stin more delightfully."-
mean and contemplate way of hush
ing up the returned vacationer who is
lust nachully bound and determined
to min YOU to a stanchion and tell you
all about it is to pull it on him that
he has taken his vacation altogether
too early.
well, I sure did hand that OLD
board walk rafting good three
weeks wallop," he pants at you when
he saueezes you into the sunny seat
of the street car Il just more than
dented it UP, and
You don't mean to say!' you Ia
bate at him, handing him a carefully
assumed expression of amazement,
that you've been on your vacation al
ready and returned from it?'