Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1909-06-23
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PROFESSIONALISM was Nero's great
crime. Bright Pupil-He played the
fiddle.-Chicago Daily News.
He is an expert penman." HE
must be. He can write with postofice
pens and nk."-New York Globe.
The One-But If you haveSthe money
why don't you pay your debts? The
Other-Because If did that wouldn't
have the money.
Frank = We're you actually sur.
prlsed, as you said, when proposedf
May-Yes, indeed; really had all but
given you up!-Vogue.
Those false teeth DR.. Pulliam put
in for you look very natural" They
feel that way. They ache just like the
ones he pulled out."-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Mr.. Flatwell-Look here! You must
have made a mistake. l haven't or
dered gas stove. Delivery Man
'Tain't gas stove. It's your wife's
new hat.
Didn't you telephone us that your
wife was ready to go with us when we
started?" Yes, but she's upstairs now
changing her mind" Baltimore
American.
THAT fellow Smithers is clever
chap. He can write with either
hand" rs that SO? How on earth
does he manage to doit?" ION type
writer" Success.
Joan-I'm awful frightened at the
lishtnin'. l wish there was man
here. Mistress-What good would
that do? Joan-He'd tell me not to be
such fool.-Punch.
Her Husband-Well, it takes two to
make quarrel. so I'll shut up. His
Wife-That's just like contemplate
man! You'll sit there and think mean
things.-Chicago News.
Teacher-What do you understand
by the word "self-denial?" Pupil-It
is when some one comes to borrow
money from father and he says he Is
not at home.-Fliegende Batter.
The Client-How much will your
opinion be worth in this case? The
Lawyer-1'm too modest to say. But
l can tell you what I'm going to
charge you for it.-Cleveland Leader.
Mrs. Gossip-They do say that her
husband has acquired locomotor
ataxia. Mrs. Parvenue-I don't think
much OF, those cheap cars; my hus-
band has an imported one. Smart Set.
Wigwag-Bjones says that when he
is at your house he acts Just like one
of the family. Henpeckke-Yes, he
seems to be just as much afraid of my
mother-in-law as am-Philadelphia
Record.
Haversup More-weary Walkers
too much of a 'rlstocrat fer de bust.
ness. Nancy Stcpes-What's he doln'
now? Haversup More-Got SO he
won't sleep anywhere cept on flower
bed-Puck.
Minister made seven hearts hap
py to-day. Parishioner-How was
that? Minister - Married three
couples. Parishioner That only
makes six. Minister-Well. you don't
think did it for nothing?
Stage Manager-Remember. Bangs,
we are depending on your baby to cry
Justify in the third scene. Do you
think he'll do his part? Actor Father
He ought to, sir. He's been rehears.
ing night and day.-Boston Tran.
script.
isn't lawsuit over a patent right
about the dullest thing you ever saw"
mot always. attended trial OF
that kind once that was too funny for
anything A tall lawyer named Short
was reading 5000 word document he
called BRIEF
Pardon me-" said the Romford lady
Oh marketing expedition, "but are
these eggs fresh laid?' absolutely,
madam" replied the grocer, promptly.
"The farmer purchased those eggs
from won't allow his hens to lay them
any other way"
Jokely-I had close call last night,
tell you. Pokely-1s that SO? Got
in the road Of an automobile, Ell?
Jokeley-No, was calling on the
Youngers at their fiat, and two other
callers squeezed In shortly afterward.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Inquiring Son-Papa, what is rea-
son? Fond Parent-Reason, my boy,
is that which enables man to deter.
mine what is right. And what is In
stinct?" Instinct is that which tells
woman she is right. whether she Is
or not. Spare Moments.
what will we do when the trees are
destroyed?" asked the forestry expert.
II suppose" answered the serenely sol
emn statesman after some thought,
that in such an event we will be oblig.
ed to depend for wood entirely on the
lumber yards. Washington Star.
Biggs-1 had no idea old Grasplt
was philanthropist until saw him
circulating petition yesterday for
the purpose of raising money to en-.
able poor widow to pay her rent.
Diggs-Oh, Graspit's all right. He
owns the house the poor widow lives
in.-Chicago News.
you've been counting me now for
number of years. Harold" remarked
Mildred to the young man, "and I
want to make a little proposal" III
am not in position to marry just
yet" stammered Harold; but"
who said anything about marriage! y
interrupted the girl. y was going to
propose that you stop coming here and
give somebody else a chance. Lon.
don Spare Moments.