davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29

Il understand. sald the mau. l.. ing a seat on the edge of the bed re signedly. i've heard them kind 0 jokes myself. call lem vaccinatio, jokes. They have point to em al right. but they don't take until later Besides. they are pretty near as ba, as having the smallpox"
 The man chuckled softly. "well. Peter continued, lat breakfast tha morning this uncle of mine told one o his stories. It was during the day when nearly everybody had one O | those silly little things they callet chestnut bells You remember?"
 Perfectly" said the man.
 Well. at the very moment my un cie sprang his joke and leaned back #, enjoy our mirth that clock-that un regenerate. malicious clock''- Pete laughed long and loudly.
 Don't" cried the man in a hoars, whisper. glancing affrightedly about You'll arouse the household
 "There isn't anybody else in thf part Of the house. reassured Peter but my wife, asleep in the mex room. and she's deaf. you know. Real " she is SD deaf that l can wear : red necktie. green checkered trouser. and a purple vest and come home an, hour of the night without awakenin, her."
 ''You're lucky" said the man. .anf being lucky
 ''Lucky!' repeated Peter. I'm s. lucky
 'Never mind about that" interrupt ed the man. 'I was just going to re mark that never saw a lucky mar who didn't have money"
 ''Money?" replied Peter. "Of course I have money. Really. I've got SC much money that l can't fall dowr without breaking bill, you know Once I'-
 Just hand it over. then.' interposed the man with the mask comma ndingly
 Do understand that you wish me to hand my money over to you?' queried Peter cautiously.
 That's what l remarked" replied the man. ''and you'd better be quick about it if you don't want
 My dear sir" said Peter impressive ly, "as one who has speculated more or less successfully. beg to give you little timely advice"
 See here," said the man irrita bly. .'l ain'ts going to waste any more time with you. I've wasted too much al. ready"
 Why, so you have" remarked petar thoughtfully. but you see it isn't ex actiy my fault! didn't invite you here. and. really. I'm not insisting upon your staying. you know Maybe you're waiting for me to order you out?
 Well. you are cool.' said the man admiringly
 'sOf course I'm ccol." replied Peter "It's very convenient to be cool some. times-on cold winters night, for in
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
The Mental Joa.

'"There is certain type of person. said the business man. especially in New York, who seems unable to un- derstand what is said to minor her unless the statement or remark is pre- fixed by some catchword. usually the word listen
 For instance. I have stenographer who simply stareS at me in dumb amazement if I say anything to her without first saying NOW. listen.' If I begin to dictate a letter to her she will not write a word if forget to give that mental jog. When l snap that at her she will scratch like mad She is not the only one. The tele- phone girl cannot take message un- less it has that prefix. When I am out of the office and try to talk over the wire with her must always be- gin. Now. listen or, else she Is hope lessly at sea and seems not to under stand a word say" New York Press.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
Her Ideal Villain,

The following anecdote. taken from My Story" by Hall Caine. is interest ing:
 Immediately after the production of ''The Woman In White.'' when all England was admiring the arch vil- lainy of Fosco, the author. Wilkie Collins, received visit from a lady who congratulated him upon his sue cess with somewhat icy cheer and then said: "But, MT. Collins, the great failure of your book is your villain Excuse me if I say you really do not know a villain. Your Count Fosco is a very poor one, and when next you want 2 character of that description 1
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
through ,ne aoori anu pinioned

 through tne euorA ant pinioned the mans arms behind his back.
 Really. l am sorry" grinned Peter ''but guess you will have to finish your sentence in jail. won't you? You see. that bell was burglar alarm You rang it when you entered my room. and unfortunately. you know. it is connected with an automatic device at the police station. They were rather long coming. but trust you found my companionship agreeable. certainly did my best to entertain you"
 Say" said the man. submitting quietly to the officers. you lied to me about the iceman. didn't you? Your wife don't need no ice when she's got 8 cold storage plant for husband. You're the c0olest"-
 But the patrol wagon was rolling away.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
The Goodness
 of Peter. By EDGAR WILTON COOLEY. Couyrixht. 1soe. by E. w. Cooley.
sf~ 1H-R.R-rNG!' sounded a bel
 kf shrilly in the stiffness. ID ! Peter Quiggies opened hi'
Copyright. 1893. by E. w. Cooley.

t~ ~1H-R-R-rNG!' sounded bel
 iRI shrilly in the stiffness.
 H Peter Quiggies opened hi.
 9 eyes with a start. then sa 0olt upright and stared. Not four fee from him stood man with a masl over his eyes. He was holding a dark lantern. flashing the light glaringly fl Peters face.
 How dare you" began the man witt the7 mask. offended-"how dare you se an alarm clock to go on at the yer, moment I'm ransacking the house Dye want to scare me to death? How do you know but might be subject to heart failure or something and tha1 the sudden fright
 "I-Fm sorry" began Peter humbly sI didn't mean to disturb you. I-l can't sleep comfortably on one side all the time. you know. and have to SC, the alarm to awaken me so I can turn over"
 "ohy' said the man apprehendingls -"weIl. don't let it occur again." z :"I'H try not to-" replied Peter oblig Singly. "But. you know" he hesitated '.you can't always tell about that clock You can't always anticipate it's behav. :, 1or., 1t ls very absentminded clock and possesses some very peculiar no- eFtions cf it4 own. Really 1t is the most aaggravating clock you ever saw. Why s-sonce set the alarm for 4 o'clock in a;the morning. I wished to go to the sta y.fion to meet my uncle. you know. He einyas very rich bachelor. with no i'm. bgmediate family. Besides. he was in ex s,seedingly poor health. And. would you believe 1t. that miserable clock betray- cd the confidence imposed in it?" v And your uncle?" asked the mar Anterestedly.
 7. My uncle was compelled to hunt me &fp and ring us out of bed. It was yer. embarrassing. Of course we had tf make some kind of an explanation But unfortunately. you know. my wife ana had no opportunity to consul: together. We told entirely different stories. That made my uncle sus picious."
 Naturally" said the man.
 Then. to make matters worse" re. sumed Peter. with a sigh. ..my uncle was chronic story teller. one of those people who take frenzied delirbt f, relating long narrative with a joke at the end of 1.-the kind of q joke you knows that you don't really laugl It unm t1e next dex.,
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
Brutal

Jimson-Where's your wifef Haven't seen her often lately. wc~d-Oh. I sent her away on little vacation, Jimson-So? Where'd she Ro1 Weed To the Thousand. Isles Jirnson-Stay long? Weed-Yes. I told her to take a week to each island.-Judge.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29

CruSt tndt ou Ill not Qlsudln to come to me. know a villain and have one fin my eye at this moment that would far eclipse anything that 1 have ever read of in books. Don't think that l am drawing upon my imagination. The man is alive and constantly under my gaze. In fact, he is my own husband. ''
 The lady was the wife of Edward Bulwer Lytton.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
A Savino Grace,

Florence-I can't understand why Ethel married MT Gunson. ax is old enough to be her father. Lawrence Yes. but he is rich enough to be her husband.-Exchange
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
Different In Rooks.

In the books this is the way they say it:
 Outside the wind moaned unceasing- ly, its voice now that of child which sobs with itself in the night. now that of a woman who suffers her.great pain alone as women have suffered since life began. as women must suffer till life wears to it's weary end. And min
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
Tho Rrakenan,s Joke.

"Ran over a COW this morning up above Coffeyville," said the brakema( to a reporter.
 How did it happen7" asked the re- porter.
 "She was drinking out of . creek under bridge" shouted the brakeman as he swung on to the last car ana went grinning out of town--KansG City Times.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29

gleu Wan ,..r HaI.iAis5 Of Nlnu rdln tell fell heavily, gintermittently. like tears wrung from souls of strong men,"
 Outside the books we say:
 "It's raining."-Atchison Globe.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
Our Automobile Bodies

are the finest examples of carriage build ing, embodying every requisite for com- fort and luxury. There is no garish pre- tense They are beautiful in line and ex-
 quisite in appointment. Finished with the highest skill in upholstery and paint ing, they attest the discriminating taste of their owners.
 s Throughout the construction of our bodies, wood or aluminium there is con- sistent effort to meet the individual re- quirements of our patrons, even to the most trivial details.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-01-29
AS WELL AND AS OH

No merchant ever failed if he advertised as WE'LL and as MUCH as he could
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
PERSONAL NOTES.

Arkansas is learning to curb railroads,
but its Jeff Davis can't be induced to sub
NIT to a similar process.
James r. Garfield, formerly secretary OF
the interior. has returned to Cleveland and
will resume the practice OF law.
The Oklahoma militia have succeeded in
getting Crazy Snake rounded up on a
strip of land thirty miles wide and a nun
dred miles long.
Another San Francisco CRATER has con-
fessed. However, the difficulty OF accept
ing the word of a San Francisco CRATER
naturally intervenes to embarrass the jury.
Mayor d, w. LAWYER OF St. Paul, pro
poses to create a city cabinet by appoint
ing an advisory committee of fifty prom
inent business and professional men TO
advise him.
Judge Kenesaw. Mountain lands re-
Gently fined a defendant l cent. Quite a
come-down from $29, 80 OO, but there was
this advantage about 1.-THE defendant
paid the / cent.
Since the acquittsl of T. Jenkins Hams
demonstrated that the killing of a man is
no crime in New York, 1t seems idle to
bother the other Hams for participation
in the same innocent episode.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21

Our city attorney is said to have
given an opinion to the effect that a
nonresident is qualified to run for mu-
nicipal ofice in Omaha and that to be
elected an officer of the city the candi-
date need not be able to vote for him
self. 1t is possible this may be a tech
nical construction of the charter, but
1t is wholly at variance with the spirit
of that document and the principle of
municipal government. The prevail
ing idea is that the officers of a mu-
nicipal corporation must be %stockhold.
ers in the corporation and our city
charter goes further by requiring that
"all agents, officers and servants en-
ployed or appointed" be, so far as
practicable" qualified voters of the
city. Would 1t not be a queer specta-
Gle to have the elective head of an inn
p%ortant department a nonresident, but
limited in the choice of his employees
to qualified voters of the city?
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
Insurance for Workingmen

The annual report of the Interna-
tional Harvester company presents
some features other than the financial
one which are worthy of attention. In
addition to old age pensions of its en-
ployes there is a provision for sick.
accident and death insurance. The for
mer is along almost identical lines
with the retirement pension systems
in vogue among railroads and other
big corporations, the money to meet
the expenditures coming entirely from
the company and Offered simply as an
incentive to faithful and continued
service.
The insurance feature is or a diff
ferent basis. The funds to meet obi
cations are secured first from a volun-
tary payment of those who desire to.
participate, the payment being 2 per
cent of all salaries under $4,000 per
annum. To this the company adds
$1,000 each year. The payments
under 1t are on the same basis as the
assessments, providing for two years
salary In case OF death, from one to
two years salary in case of accident
which permanently disables, according
to the extent of disability and for the
payment of wage while sick or tenn
porarily disabled by injury, the pay
ments in all cases being on the basis
of wages received while working.
Nothing is charged against the fund
for tr~ansacting the business of the
relief association. and the company
rays 4 per cent interest on all money
in the treasury. While membership
in the association is purely voluntary
the report shows that 76 per cent of
the employees are participants. The
plan is upon such a broad basis that
it should interest all large employers
of labor for the protection of the men
In their employ. That a concern like
the American Harvester company
should engage in 1t purely for charity
is not to be supposed. 1t is a creator
Of mutual interest and an effective
method of increasing the value of the
employee to the company on a founda-
tion of mutual interest.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
Aldrich on the Tariff.

The statement OF Senator Aldrich
in presenting the tariff bill to the SEN
ate will command universal and
thoughtful attention. His long service
In the senate, his membership for
years on the finance committee and
his conceded ability entitle anything
he may say on this subject to special
weight. Whatever may be ones opin-
ion regarding the policy pursued by
the senator, he is beyond question the
best posted man in public life today
on the question OF public revenue. His
estimate of the revenue producing
ability OF the tariff bill as presented to
the senate can therefore be taken as
the opinion OF the one best capable of
Judging.
Read between the lines, 1t is conclu-
sively demonstrated that the senator
figures on a material reduction in the
annual budget of the government. If
this lie true the public will not be in
clined to grumble, provided the prun-
ing is judiciously done. The expan.
sion of the national expense bill in the
preceding years of treasury surplus
has been beyond all comparison with
the growth Of the nation. For the
years 1e0s-9 they were greater by ap-
proximately $4,000, 600 than during
the Standardization war. The esti-
mate of a surplus of $40. 1000, 900 dur
ing the next biennium is based on a re-
duction Of s35,00O,0 600 In the appro-
priations. That this sum can be Topped
off without impairing In the least the
legitimate functions of government is
a matter of common belief by those
both outside and inside Of public life.
Certain it is. no material reduction
will be made so long as the
of the government produce the added
amount.
What changes the senate. will make
in the bill and the added changes in
conference with the house, are of
course still problematical, but it is
fair to presume they will be compen.
sating so far as the question of
nue. is concerned If the new tariff
bill shall raise enough to wipe out the
unavoidable deficit under the present
act and yet raise no more than nee
essary for the economical n efficient
administration Of affairs it will have
accomplished its purpose so far as rev.
enue goes. Under such a bill the in
come will expand as the country
grows and. until conditions change,
prove adequate to its purpose.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
A Notable Renefactinn.

The will of the late Charles e. Ellis,
together with the generosity of his
widow and daughter, leaves a fund of
$4,000, 600 for the founding of a col
lege and industrial school in Philadel-
phia for fatherless girls. The widow
waived her claim to the third of the
estate and the daughter voluntarily
takes only a small bequest, leaving
practically the entire fortune for the
purpose designated.
With such a. rich endowment, it
would be impossible to foretell the
good that this institution can accom-
plish. 1t not only opens up an ave-
nue. for giving an education to those
who for the most part would not be
able to obtain it., but they would re-
ceive it in an atmosphere in which
they would feel at home to a much
greater degree than were they pro-
vided for In schools where they would
come in contact with daughters of
wealthy parents. In such a school as
planned they Jan be fitted for the life
work before them without the dissat.
isfying influence of too close associa-
ton with those whose expenditures
were beyond either their present or
prospective means.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
Still No Grand Jury.

The May term of the district court
is coming on and the time for drawing
the jury panels has passed without the
summons OF a grand jury to go
through the motions of hunting down
w~ell-defined rumors and bringing in
reports s censuring public officials
against whom no evidence of miscon-
duct could be found on which to JUS
tify indictments.
The people of Omaha had been led
to believe that grand juries were such
a good thing and so necessary that
they were to be the regular sideshow
of every term of the district court.
They had been led to believe that the
county attorneys Office was purely or
namental and that his salary had just
been raised by the legislature to com
pensate him for the trouble which the
successive grand juries imposed on
him to nellie so many faulty or unsup-
ported indictments.
1t looks now as If we would have to
get along without a grand jury in
Omaha and Douglas county until next
fall. We know it will be a great dis.
appointment, but hope the taxpayers
who foot the bills will try to bear up
bravely under it.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
TAXATION OF BILLB0ARDs.
National Revenue Measure Bound to
he Popular.

Thu newspapers OF this country have
every reason to support the bill introduced
by Senator Hepburn of Idaho providing
for a tax on advertising signs. In foreign
lands these signs are taxed and afford a
considerable revenue. Senator Hepburn
proposes a tax OF 2 cents per superficial
square foot on signs advertising products
which enter into interstate The
taxes are TO be paid TO the United States
treasury, and 10 be collected annually.
This new source OF revenue might well be
considered in connection with the effort
to revise the tariff and reimpose war taxes
of an Objectionable character. Throughout
the country an effort is being made to sup
press the advertising sign nuisance. II has
been tolerated altogether too long. II meets
no public want, because the newspapers,
magazines and other publications are the
legitimate channels for the use of the ad-
vertiser. They contribute TO the education
Of the people and to the prosperity Of the
nation. II the press will stand solidly be-
Senator Heyburn's bill. its passage
Will be assured, and II will be effective in
SURPRISING what has come 10 be an in
tolerable nuisance. The billboard must go!
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21

There have been stampe6es for land be-
fore and since the memorable April p,
1889, but none equalled the picturesque
preparations for and the rush over the
Kansas border which ~signalized the birth
Of the territory Of Oklahoma and the OPEN
ing OF that section OF the public domain
to white settlement. A territory was born
in an hour. growing into a state in less
than nineteen years. and cities sprang into
existence in a day. In honor Of that ia
nous birthday Oklahoma In general and
several cities In particular will celebrate
the twentieth anniversary tomorrow with
exercises and oratory suited to the event.
At high noon. April %, 1889. guns were
fired by United States soldiers, which
echoed along the Kansas border and pro-
claimed that the efforts of Captain David
L. Payne we're at last rewarded and THE
Land OF the Fair God opened to settle
ment. The scenes which we're 'enacted In
those days have passed into history and
win never be repeated In the United states.
For years prospective settlers had csmped
along the Kansas border anxiously awaiting
word from Washington that the new public
domain was open 10 settlement. They were
led by Captain David L. Payne, who has
since been named the Father of Okla
IONA"
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
WHEN APRIL COMES TO TOWN.

Sing a song of April,
Showers and scowlin' skies:
Well we know her coy spring lambs
A lion in disguise;
Thunder. lightnin', rain an snow.
Hail an sleet come down
The elements go on a tear
When April comes to town.
| Now, altho' It's April.
Chill the breezes blow;
Pa still pokes the furnace
And predicts twill snow;
Then midst cold an dismal days
An freakish wind-what's this?-
A Welsh rarebit of sunshine
A Welsh rare hit-or miss.
Yes of course It's April.
Hear that peal Of thunder!
But lie low little violets -
An keep yer noses under;
The only flowers that may bloom
Immune from frost-bite dread
Are the flowers that bloom upon that tub
That conceals my lady's head.
Yes. and what do l behold
With surprise complete?
Is IL a new broom chasin'
A rsin-barrel UP the street?
All, no. my friend, you sadly err
In truth. II is not that
'Tis only Angelina fair.
Chasin' her Easter hat.
Then here's to hoydenish April days,
A miscellaneous lot,
Contributed by all the months
Lest their charms be forgot iul.s
The weather man speaks. at random
An lives on roast done brown;
He surely, surely rues the day
That April comes to town.
And IL these verses seem to he
At random strung together,
Still they're in keeping. you must own,
with hop-scotch April weather;
So critic pray be lenient,
| pray thee do not frown,
For a rhymster's not accountable
When AnTil comes TO town.
Oraha. BAYOLL NE TRELE
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
Water Board Politics.

The Water board is a great non
partisan institution. 1t was created
for the express purpose of putting the
water company out of politics and, of
course, recognizing how pernicious the
interference of the water company in
politics was, is itself built on the funda-
mental rule that the Water board and
everyone within it's jurisdiction shall
also keep out of politics.
The Water board membership, as
partisan. as you may prefer to view it,
and instead of a party caucus the en-
tire membership is always admitted to
it's secret sessions. So fearful we're
Water board that the board and its
employees might be tempted to go into
politics that they wrote right into the
law a specific and definite prohibition
on political activity and threw a civil
service fence around them so high that
no one could look over. Here is the
wording of the law:
Undue activity or participation in mu-
nicipal politics shall be deemed q just
cause for removal, in the discretion OF
the board, it being the intent and purpose
of this act not only to remove the water
board, but hkswtss its employees, from the
influence Of partisan politics.
With that magma charta of personal
liberty before them, the Water board
members and employees, of course, are
properly abstaining from participation
in partisan politics. True, one mem
Der of the board filed last year as a
candidate for state senator, and the
paid secretary this ear as a candidate
for city engineer, while another mem
Der of the board volunteered to help
manage the primary campaign of a de-
feated candidate for mayor. This
however, is not partisan politics lin
the discretion c. the board" nor will
1t be deemed "a Just cause for re-
moyal." The Water board and every
employee under it are strictly divorced
from politics.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-04-21
Law of Libel in Missouri.

81 LOUIS 1lODe-DemOcfat
By a vote almost unanimous the state
senate has passed the bill providing that
a newspaper may be sued for libel only in
the county where the person who brings
the suit lives, or in the city or county
where the newspaper is published. II is
presumed that the house will pass tho
bill promptly and by a similar vote. The
present law permits such a suit to be
brought in any of the ia counties of the
state. which gives the plaintiff a power
that may be oppressively or unfairly used.
II was held by the senate that the plain
tiff can count upon justice in his own
county, and he has that opinion in the
proposed new law.