Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-08-26
y '%s>s'V1k sHES
"a Ah@A1EEI1n,
ASzS>aEIFVHNS%$$S&> WY


run smooth? He-Oh, yes; there are
banks on both sides.
Money may make the mare CO."
said Uncle Eben, 'but | don't see as
It's much Of guaranty agin kickin'."
Daughter-Mamma, who was Min
erva? Mother-The goddess of wis.
dom-she never married. Club
Fellow.
Gladys-So you've sent Herbert
about his business, have you? May.
belle-Yes. But l have since used
the-er-recall ON him.
Father-You never heard of a man
getting into trouble by following a
good example. Son-Yes, sir, l have
the nterfeiter.-BostOn Transcript.
Julia-Going to Marie's dance? Ber-
thai shall be out of town that night.
Julia-I wasn't invited either-Cor-
nell Widow.
What! Spend 500 on a bathing
suit?" "Now, hubby, this isn't bath
ing suit. This is beach costume
Washington Herald.
She-I heard you singing this morn
ing. He-Oh, l sing a little to kill
time. She-You had a good weapon
Kansis City Journal
First Chauffeur-Do you find out
who you have run over? Sec
ond Chauffeur-Of course; | always
read the papers!-New York Sun.
Sillicus-Yes; she has threatened to
make things unpleasant for him. Gym
icus-Is that so? When are they 60
Ing to be married? d?-Philadelphia Rec
ord
Il can't tell her she's the first girl
ever loved She knows I've been en-
gagged before" well, tell her you're
glad you discovered your mistake in
time"
Friend-Does the baron, your SON.
in-law. speak with much of an accent?
Richpurse-He did when he discov-
cred how 1 had fixed his wife's dover.
Church-In the future the man with
the airships will take nobody's dust.
Gotham-WoD't he? You just try to
hire one, and you'll find out!-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Young Doctor-Just think; six
of my patients recovered this week.
The Old Doctor-It's your own fault,
my boy. You spend too much time at
the club.-Life.
You don't seem to. give Bykins
credit for any originality whatever"
Il don't His memory is SO wretched
he can't quote correctly; that's ALL
Star.
Guest-Mercy! What's this awful
profanity down stairs? Hostess-My
husband has come in late and fallen
,ver the new Persian prayer rug
Cleveland Leader.
who's that homely girl you spoke
o?" Sir, that lady has promised to
,e my wife," Cheer up. Lots of |
women don't keep their promises. -
Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. Newlywed-The moths have
aten every single thing in this closet,
da. Mrs Newlywed-I don't see how
hey could get in. I've kept the door
ocked all summer long.-Brooklyn
life.
BILL see a good many of the
partment houses in New York have
he kitchen on top. Jill-Yes; that Is
O the cook who uses benzine won't
ave so far to go.-Yonkers States
ian.
You seem to have great deal OF
aith in DOCTORS" said a friend of the
lex man. 81 have was the reply.
A doctor would be foolish to let
ood customer like me die."-Boston.I
ome Journal.
Mrs. Brickrow-1t does lady good
, have DR.. Grim when one is sick.
e is always so jolly! Mr.. Brickrow-
ou'd be jolly, too. if you were getting
lree dollars for a ten-minute call
ew York Weekly.
what diagnosis did the doctor
AXE of your wife's illness?" Said
le was suffering from overwork." rs
lat so?" Yes, he looked at her
ngue and reached that decision i'm
ediately. y."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Slimpurse (after decided re-
lsal)-I know what the matter is
s because I'm poor. You would
AIRY me If l were rich. Miss Gailie
)-Perhaps so; but you
ould have to be very, very rich!
The following conversation was
-erheard between two boys, aged Z
Id 5: Joe, why can't chickens
lk?" "Aw, they don't have to. When
ey wants anything, they just pull II
cir wish-bones and they gets their II
Ish."
Sure, it's Mike, the boy, that's the
cky man" How was he lucky?" II
Why, mum, he got insured fer five
ousand dollars, and the very mkt
y he fell off the ladder, paintin. II
d broke his nick."-Baltimore Amer
IN.
Mr.. Newwed-You never call me
t names now unless you want some
Ing. Before marriage 1t was differ
t. Mrs. Newwed-Oh, no. Before
arriage l called you pet names be-
use l wanted you.-London Gentle
,man III