davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
O." -Q%~<4@a5seaTReAaM&G~ @

enthusiastically That's some shoe.
Some class to that kick. Some git-up and
snap and spunk to il. Huh. hllly. that's
what I call it. Does it fit all right?
Perfectly said Ni~s. Jobson. Com
forta able as an old slipper
well. well take EN- then said Mr.
Jobson. And say. talking about slip
pers, / saw pair o slippers in the win
dow that ought to look pretty good on
YOU" and Mr.. Jobson went outside with
the shoe man and pointed out Tie pair
of slippers that he had in mind.
MIR. Jobson carried them to Mrs. Jobson
slippers were of turkey red leather, heav-
ily trimmed with gold filgree and braid
ing and the heels of 'em were about three
and half inches high.
Some slipper, eh?" said Mr.. Jobson.
Tasty, call that slipper. Easy looking.
too. Try 'em on. Fit all right? Well
into his nankeens and settled for the pur-
chases.
Guess I'm a bum shoe and slipper
picker and all like that. eh?'' said Mr..
Jobson, after they'd reached the street.
81 don't know the first rudiment of pick
ing out the right kind of shoes and slip
pers and such like gear and junk for
woman, do To-
you certainly have perfect taste In
such matters said Mrs. Jobson.
And Mr.. Jobson didn't even dart side
wise look at her to see il it was on the
level. He thought, and thinks yet, that
she meant it.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

wants to show me up. that's what she
does. daggone her
Then he shut off the power removed
his coat. had me undo his cuffs and roll
'em back, pulled one of the cushions off
the seat to kneel on and then sprawled
out all tours and began to tinker with
the thing and get himself all covered with
grease and oil.
Say, is there anything much the mat
ter?' we'd all OF us-loling aft in the
wicker chairs, smoking comforta ble-toss
at him every couple of minutes. All We
got out of him in reply, except grunts,
you could put in a corner of your eye.
After about twenty minutes, during which
our boss worked until the sweat poured
in rivuets down his worried cheeks and
he had a couple of quarts of black lubri-
eating and cylinder oil smeared all over
his nice flossy shirt and things, he crank
ed her up and started her again 1t SEEM
ed. however. that he had the reverse gear
on her and she began to back rapidly into
an island.
Hey, we're going the wrong way!
we all yelped at him.
Blast it to dickens. don't you s'pose
| know that" our host snapped back at
us, quite peeved, you know and then he
tugged and tugged and tugged at the
throttle or whatever you call 1t. The
whatever you call it, though, was stuck
fast and we more than lickety- splitted
backward toward the island. The boss
was still lying down and didn't see how
close we were getting to the island, and
of course none OF us in the wicker chairs
knew enough to grab the wheel and
switch her around.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

went on Mr.. Jobson. determined to get a
rise out Of her. IT'S wonder to me
you're able to walk in 'em. It's miracle
they don't cripple you for life. / should
think you'd be in perfect agony every sec
ond of the time you're wearing 'em. It,
no wonder you're so burned peevish every
time / take you out anywhere. It's those
blasted high-heeled shoes-three sizes too
small for you. at that-that are numbering
you. Don't tell met
ooh, really, they don't hurt, you know
finally put in Mrs Jobson. They're quite
comfortable. I'm entirely used to them.
j hate what they call common sense
shoes for women. They are so hideously
homely and unbecoming."
'Oh, sure. sure: that's what they all
say chopped in Mr. Jobson. Anything
that's good for woman to wear Is hid
eously unbecoming-thats the rave they
all pull when they're rounded up on that
subject I s'pose that it's healthy. hey.
for woman to wear about fourteen
pounds of somebody elses dead hair. in
the form of rats and puffs, and other kid
ney-looking curly-cue junk. on top Of her
head-I spose that's hygienic. too. eh ?
Am ! to understand that you approve OF
this custom women have of lacing them
selves in steel corsets until they can't
breathe? Because YOU must approve, of
course, of what you practice. Last time
took you to the theater you spoke only in
gasps sort O.. and the fact was, of course,
that you were all warped out Of shape in
those corsets you had on, and that's the
only way you could talk.
oh, really. l don't lace myself" said
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

tween Mrs. JobSon and the shoe man
Don't want any actual flat-heeled shoes,
you know, hut shoes with some sense ana
git-up to 'em: shoes that'n enable a
woman to go out for an evening with her
husband without feeling all the time.
from the pain of her feet, like swapping
his head off, and Mr.. Jobson srinned
humorously at the shoe man.
The shoe man promptly produced the
ugliest pair Of common-sense shoes he
had in the plant-ShOeS with broad, lum-
moxy, clumsy toes. huge wide heels, and
all like that Mr.. Jobson took them from
the shoe mans hands and regarded them
with a snort.
"Huhi who the dickens were these Nat
boats made for-the Cardiff Giantess or
the secretaryess of the ladies' congress-
growled Mr. Jobson, tossing the COM
mon sense shoes down disdainfully..
Say, l want pair of woman's shoes
not canal boat barges. l wouldn't walk
on the street with a woman wearing a
pair of ioppy. bulgy, protuberant, Lew
Dockstader shoes like those. Take EN-
away and show me some shoes!
Mrs Jobson had gone to the other end
of the store and had hurriedly put on a
swaggerino pair of shoes that she had
one of the statesmen to pick out for her.
Now she advanced to where Mr.. Jobson
was standing and still shifting over the
common-sense shoes, and put her foot
out with the new patent leather shoe on
it, The heel on this shoe wasn't much
more than three inches high, but Mr.. job
son didn't appear to notice that.
well, that's something like ii" he said,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

Mrs. Jobson. smilingly. My stays are
very loose and perfectly comfortable. But
talking about shoes. my dear. l need a
new pair quite badly. 1 shall have to get
them tomorrow, | think.
"All right, you can get 'em tomorrow,
replied Mr.. Jobson. but I'm going to be
on the job of picking them out for you.
If women simply won't give the slightest
ear to the warnings of scientific men.
why. they've got to be prodded into 1t,
that's all. I'll be the little shoepicker
for this plant hereafter, that's what. You
meet me downtown tomorrow afternoon
and I'll go with you to your shoe shop and
pick out a pair of shoes for you that you
can have some comfort in. You'll thank
me for doing this when you find yourself
with easy feet for the first time in your
life"
Mrs Jobson didn't look worried. She's
got all over that worried stuff. Mrs.
Jobson, perhaps it may be necessary to
repeat here and now. has a very extensive
and intimate knowledge of Mr.. Jobson
and his kinks.
SO she met Mr. Jobson downtown on the
following afternoon without any trepida-
ton.
'.Oh, here you are. hey?" said Mr.. job
SON. We'll watch me get you some
shoes as will be Shoes and he led the
way to the shoe shop which Mrs Jobson
patronizes.
Say, let's look at n pair OF shoes fit
for a civilized woman to wear" said
Mr. Jobson to the proprietor Of the shop.
whom he knew. But he didn't notice
the significant exchange of chances be-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

has a Job as a member OF the British par
lament. he addresses mass meetings and
things around Trafalgar Square. Doesn't
believe in the 'ouse of luds and all like
that. Great friend OF the pee-pul. Smokes
a viciousy odoriferous pipe continually.
Wears rough looking clothes. boX-toed
bTogans and air of hirsute defiance, as
becometh a socialist-even the coy corner
socia lists look defiant nowadays.
Well, Keir he breezed into New York on
the Campania the other day. He's going
10 make some talks TO folks over here
who believe in the uplift whatever that
means Hes being entertained at the
City Club which carries on its member
ship roll the names of many Of our cut
est little uplifters.
on the day after keir got here ran into
! gloomy looking newspaper man. There
eis an answer-as to his gloom, l mean.
He was on his way to interview keir
Hardie for his paper about the United
States. Kerr, you see had already been
n the bloomink sites twentyfour hours.
and 50 hadn't he a right to know all
about the United States? Soit'nly, soit'nly.
Requiring moral support in this great
crisis of his life, the gloomy looking news
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
touch, and who afterward turned out to
be a pate manufacturer in temporary

touch, and who afterward turned out to
be a pate manufacturer in temporary
eclipse.
1t seems that naval officer-an Ameri-
can naval officer. 1 might say-dropped
off his ship in Honolulu one fine bright
day just after the queen had been de-
throned, and expressed to friend,
newspaper man who had been sent down
by his paper to cover the revolution and
its aftermath, desire to see Queen Lii
and have speech with her.
Now. look here said the newspaper
man Just because this queen has been
temporarily deprived of her throne and
her crown and her scepter, don't you
think she is any less in the line of real
bang-up royalty. She is there with the
reigning goods, and no mistake. She is
more dignified now than she was before
the blow fell So If l get you an audi
hold in informal reception tomorrow-be
careful to get all the court etiquette
fixed in your head. When you go in bow
three times. never turn your back on the
queen. speak only when you are spoken
to and when you are dismissed retire from
the room in three graceful backward
salaams.''
The naval officer promised to do all
these things and the next day he and
the newspaper man presented themselves,
the neWspapr man, be 1t said, dreadfully
amused internally and apparently full Of
pleasant anticipation.
The naval officer did what he had been
told and got away with it, although he
half noticed once or twice that the queen
seemed to be on the verge of apoplexy.
Then. when he had exchanged few
words with the dethroned rulers, he
backed off into a corner of the room and
wiped his brow.
Then came along his friend the news
paper man. to whom he was SO grateful
for the minute instruction in detail.
Hello queenie" said the newspaper
man. You certainly are looking fine to-
day.
"Quit your kidding, son. returned the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

like to offer a little incident, vouched for
by friend of mine. as the application
papers of an unknown candidate Tor the
distinction.
This friend of mine says he happened to
be looking out of his window one day last
week when he noticed man pacing up
and down Kenyon street near 11th. lie
didn't appear to be doing anything in
particular and this friend OF mine watch
ed to see what he was up to, remembering
that the same man, only a few days pre-
vious. had put up a real estate sign on
one corner of the large vacant lot imme-
diately opposite where he was walking up
and down.
Pretty soon this unknown began to
scowl at another real estate sign on the
same lot-one that had been there long
time. Next he kicked the offending sign.
Then, for half an hour. he walked back
and forth past it, landing iirtlng KICK
each time and glancing around as he did
so to see if anybody happened to be no
ticing him. Then, at last after he had
1oosened the sign sufficiently, he quickly
lifted it, turned it face down on the
ground. and danced jig of rage on it.
Then he ducked.
And my friend, who is willing to swear
to the truth of this statement. says he
considers this particular real estate sign
placer a fit candidate for the title Of the
meanest man in Washington.
4
THERE are many oddities among the
bills and petitions that find their way
into the public records during session
of Congress, but one that dropped into
the hopper this week certainly takes the
cake Representative Bowers Of Missis-
sippi presented this particular petition to
the House by request" which Is the Off
cial method Of lodging personal RESPONSE
bility for a document Of the sort. 1t
would be pity to spoil the petition by
giving it other than in full. Here it is:
petition of Frederick Hess of Pasca-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
queen with smile. as she extended her
hand to the newspaper man.

queen with a smile, as she extended her
hand to the newspaper man.
COMEBODY gave him a goose. and he
- was very proud OF it. The bird
weighed seventeen pounds and was round
and fat and OF that delightful yellow
color that tells of no cold storage resi-
dence. This was at 2 o'clock in the after
noon of a recent Saturday.
Naturally 1t was too early for him to
go home, so he dropped in to see another
newspaper man.
Fine goose" said the newspaper friend.
land will you have drink"
Yes it is fine bird, and will have a
drink" he replied.
Other friends admired the goose and
other times he accepted invitations. AL
ways he carried the goose by the neck. it's
plump and yellow body dangling nearly to
his feet, wrapped in many folds of paper.
At IL oclock-the last car for Never
Never land. where he lives, leaves at T.
he landed back in the Office of the original
man who had admired the goose He was
Woody and the gooses neck had stretched.
''GrrrandgooZZze but l gotta go nome
said his newspaper friend.
"Yessssitisss. but | gotta waitfermuh-
car" he replied. And. slapping the sew
enteen pound bird on a handy radiator. he
fell into state Of coma that lasted nine
hours.
1t was Sunday morning when he awoke.
He had fierce headache, a rag-carpet
taste in his mouth and he looked around
for his goose.
Shades of the barnyard! Crimes of 73!!
What was 1t he saw? On the radiator lay
the remains Of that once noble bird. At
the base of the radiator, CONCEALED into
thickness, was the rest. All night the
heat had been turned on. All night the
goose grease and stewed and siZZled and
cooked and run out Of that seventeen
FOUNDER.
He took the remains home for dinner.
but after the oven had completed the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
g.. ~5NT%n@aa9fe1BR asa%~%S~ %

elaborate meals were served the guests
during the progress of the blowout
First, an elaborate dinner was served
at ten o'clock at night Then, at two
in the morning. was another regular
Shutdown" meal-supper-in another
part of the hotel Finally, when dawn
was creeping through the windows,
there was regular breakfast, with
bacon and eggs, sausaSes. marmalades
and all that sort Of thing. And the
folks who go through these quaint
stuffing processes probably wonder
little later why it is that their internal
mechanism becomes deranged and why
their medical man incontinently order
them off to Carlsbad and such places to
take the cure
While the Marjorie Gould coming OFT
party was about at its height police
man stumbled upon an unconscious
man in one of the arches of the Will
liamsburg bridget was a bitter cold
night. An ambulance was called.
This man Is about dead from starva-
ton" said the dapper young ambulance
surgeon, and the unconscious man was
tossed into the wagon. He revived long
enough to say that he'd been out of
work for three months. that he hadn't
had a mouthful to eat for four days,
and that he'd been trying to sleep in
the shelter of the bridge archway for 4
week of nights. Then the man died in
the wagon.
This little incident has nothing to do
with the $125, 900 coming-out party and
the orchids and vintage wines and
things that distinguished the Marjorie
Gould affair. 1t synchronized, however,
with the party in point of time, and
only stick it in by way of making a
contrast. as II were.
:: x
A LARGE party OF Wall street men
"A has arranged to drop down to
Washington on Q special train on the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
JOBSON

What this doctor fellow - French
scientist or something-says about the
outrageous corsets you crazy women
wear" replied Mr.. Jobson. Hes got IL
right all right. Says that. on the average
women shorten their lives by about ten
years with these squeezing, binoing'
brutal. nonsensical. function disarranging
corsets that they wear.
This looked to Mrs. Jobson like spot
where she might as well keep STILL Which
she did .
No use for these scientists to write
such stuff. though" went on Mr. Jopson.
ITS all true, every line of what they
write on these topics, but they've got a
fat chance of doing any good, haven
theyo Yes they've got corpulent OPP
portunity to get women to listen to their
warnings | don't think.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16
Co.. -NT<AHasS# a%<S~ q

specs and then he shifted to the other leg
and went on munching the Washington
correspondence i'm his home paper
Il was just about 10 hand the Old boy
No. 3, when an expression OF stormy rage
appeared on his rudy map, and he sud-
denly tore the paper in four. up. and down
and crossways, and threw 1t into the gut
ter Then he yanked out roll, muttered
some pretty hot things under his breath,
ficked me dollar bill and waddled on:
shaking his cane at some enemy he had
In mind and never waiting for his change
'Ninety-five cents coming TO you, SIR
I called after him.
".Go to the d. he called back TO me-;
and there | was. bone 10 the good on a
nickel newspaper. / got that soft break
| imagine, because something In the
Washington correspondence of his home
paper displeased the old top. But | sure
was wrong In Squirting him for a boNwad.
for he'd probably come across good ana
right even If he hadn't got sore over the
stuff he was reading.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

ticle of which the following Is literal
translation:
~ noteworthy innovation is being tried
in the American navy; the employment or
women for lighter work on board war
ships ON European warships, as is well
known. all work is being done by men,
and even for kitchen service no women
are admitted. The American sailors look
on this innovation with distrust and do
not wish To have the kitchen service given
over to women.
The resolution of the American navy to
employ females for cleaning work and in
the kitchen is scarcely due to the fact that
they are cheaper than men. but to the
difficulty of getting a sufficient number OF
sailors by enlistment. Such method
might also be of use for the English fleet.
1t is not stated whether the women Will
leave the ship in case of war;
Now when it comes to working up
something out of whole cloth and stick
ing it full of needles, that yarn is In
class by. itself We take off our hat to
the "TagIiche Rundschau."
7 WONDER who is the meanest man in
Washington? There may be some diff
ference of opinion on the subject but I'd
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

the date line and grinned.
".She sure is some little burg, party.
this Washington the Seattle man said
to me- 'Doggoned if you can't get every
thing you ask for here and then few.
"a man 1 spotted to be a Canadian
came up to me the other evening when he
heard my bleat about papers from all the
folks home towns.
"I dare say he said to me. rather
superciliously. you have nothing but
Yankee papers here? Nothing from Can
ada, EN-?
g Fresh stock just in from Montreal
Toronto, Ottawa and Quebec I told him.
'What'll you have?
HE fell for bundle of Canadian pa
pars and went away sort of shaking his
head Couldn't understand it at all.
You know how crazy American men
are over their home towns and how they
imagine their own towns to be the best
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

Got you I was able to tell him right
off the reel. Sold him a Los Angeles
paper just before 1 was closing up last
night. / noticed his bum lamp particu-
larly. He was there with a bun big
enough for four people, and
Well, doggOne Dams hide" my Los
Angeles customer broke out. He's my
podner in Los Angeles, and I lost him
fussin' around a couple OF nights ago.
And I'm responsible, solemnly responsible.
to his wife for getting him back to Los
Angeles in good shape with me, or she'd
never have let him come east at all. and
well, blame his fool skim! and he cantered
off to make another effort to dig up the
lost Dan. l suppose.
I'm bothered some by tightwads. too.
They seem to take 1t for granted that I'm
running an open air reading room; that
I'm a sort of a, street corner philan-
thropist, devOting my young life to the
dissemination of home newspaper liter
allure among visitors in Washington.
These solder-fsted ones will stroll up to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

by the boy. How he recognized 1t, heaven
alone knows. But he did. He snapped
his fingers to call the boy over to him.
He was a lollful. pudgy, bulgy; beady-
eyed. heavy -jowled man of middle age
nope, not Diamond jim but of the
s'Diamopd jim type. He opened the tele-
gram, read it, tossed it, crumpied on the
floor. pulled out a huge wallet, extracted
grinning page.
go buy y'rself some gum. kid said
the bulgerno to the page. who pocketed
the bill and beat it out of the room.
Then the folks who were seated around
that neighborhood, watching the perform
ance. wondered what kind of tip
they'd have to give their waiter, In such
circumstances, to prevent the waiter from
looking chagrined and perturbed with
them.
TT is conservatively estimated that that
1 recent comng-out party of Miss Mar
jorie Gould daughter of George Could
at the Hotel Plaza cost s12o.O00. One Of
the big items, Of course, was the reserva-
ton of the entire first floor of the Plaza
for the affair. Then there were no less
than $1,000 superb orchids, to furnish
which nearly all of the prominent florists
Of New York and Brooklyn had to form
sort of coalition.
Then there were no less than seven full
orchestras, all of them the best of their
sort and correspondingly expensive.
The wine cellars Of New York were
ransacked by agents of Mr.. Gould in
order that rare and radiant vintage wines
should be furnished the guests at the deb
utante's party, and some of the cham
pagnes and burgundies served cost as
high as $50 a bottle.
An unusual feature in connection
with this splendiferous coming-ou
party. which lasted more than twelve
hours, Was that no less than throe
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

my wagon. look over the layout. pick out
papers from their home towns or near
them, and then stand on one leg and
then the other and read the papers; just
likk that. When 1 nudge over to them
and ask them If they're examining stock
with view to purchasing they sort of
glimpse me over as If 1 was butting in
and interrupting EN-. Some of them
wise up to it and go to their jeans for the
silver, but others Of them say to me-and
I'm telling you on the level-'Why, l
thought these papers were here for folks
to read. l didn't know there was any
charge for reading them
Then l come back at the tightwads by
giving 'em the address of the Carnegie
and Congressional libraries. If that does
not pull the coin for the papers they've
read through | tell them that my health
Is pretty good, thanks all the same, and
that my doctor has never advised me to
kick around street corner presiding over
free newspaper wagon for my lungs.
Nearly always / manage to wiring the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-01-16

and finest on the globe. That's the Tea-
son they're so tickled when they see the
newspapers of their home towns on sale
In a place far away from home. You
can imagine how tickled, for example, a
San Francisco man is bound to be when
on his nudging by here he sees big
layout of San Francisco papers.
I'm used as sort of a bureau of in
formation by lot of strangers In town,
too.
"'Say, dye sell many Of these? a man
from Los Angeles. to whom I sold Los
Angeles paper, asked me one evening
recently.
Sure said I. Plenty of EN-
Sold any the last day or So? he went
on.
Couple said I.
"'Well. now look a-here,' he said
then. Maybe you'll recall the people you
sold 'em to. Did you sell a Los Angeles
paper yesterday or the day before to a
big son of a gun with black eye, and
maybe he had a souse on, and