The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1909-05-02
mr.. KNoCKERINO IS GLAD
THAT THOSE RUMORS ABOUT
HIS FRIENDS ARE WRONG.

MAJ HOSL HCguOGo hbUC =
HIS FRIENDS ARE WRONG.
The Hushupp Divorce. Johnny Heaveiugs's
Ancestor. Bill Phattby's Row with
His Tailor and the lmprudence oi
Jack snaggem-Iie Is Not Curious.
We'll. we'll, here's my old messmate
holding a eat for mel" blithely chanted
Mr.. K~nookerino. squeezing himself into
a cross seat Of a subway car in which an
acquaintance was engaged in reading
the closing stock market prices. Bully
Of you. as Teddy would say. to keep this
little cosey corner for me! Oh, say, old
hawss. don't look 80 miserable over 1t.
for I'm only going to ride to the end OF
the line, and when we separate
@B'jinks, talking about separating
reminds mo that I've had it in mind to
ask you first time / saw you II it's true
that Jim Hushupp and his wife sure
enough are separated or are going to
separate, huh3 l know you've always
been pretty close TO Jim, and that's why
I'm pulling 1t on you-but say, get me
right as to this first, will you?
"Y'see, ] haven't any personal curios-
ity about the thing. Haven't any per-
sonal curiosity about anything. I'm bugs
about this thing Of tending to my own
little game and letting other folks affairs
trot for Sweeney.
Nothing in that stuff OF carrying a
lot Of other peoples troubles around
on your shoulders. and that's not me.
8 a matter of fact I have to fight about
half the time TO keep ducks l know from
poking little hunks Of information at me
about the affairs of other people, for l
can't stand for this he gossip thing.
Its kind O. different, though, in the
case Of this story that's kicking around
about Jim Hushupp and his wife being
separated or about to separate. Y'see. l
know three or four people who've' been
extending quite a heap Of credit to Mrs.
Hushupp for the last few years, and Jim
only settles his wife's bills once a year,
at New Years. and before she went out
to Nevada a while ago she did a whole
lot Of buying on her credit account
jewelry, duds and the like OF that-and
these fellows that I'm talking about are
kind o. wondering if they're going to have
to hold the bag, because that trip Of hers
to Nevada makes it look as .f there's
something in the flotsam drifting around
that she's going to get enc Of those Nevada
parchments prying her loose from Jim.
and Of course II that's the
Huh? Mrs. Hushupp, you say, was
born and raised in Nevada. and she's
only out there making a long deferred
visit to her people? Well, now, what
dye think Of all like that! I'm going to
pass that along to those chaw choppers
the first time ! run into them. I'll make
those ginks crawl into their holes, for !
had a bunch all the time that they were
all barking up the wrong tree, and
Gosh all f1shhooks, but, talking about
trees, have they handed you that one yet
about the thing that happened to Johnny
Heavelugs when he got the bug to have
his genealogical tree looked up? Ha.
ha! Well, say, you miss a lot by living
in Plainieid-or is it Bordentown?-
dom you? Ho. no!
Seems that a while back Johnny
got the idea in his nut that he wouldn't
be happy or anything il he didn't belong
to one of these societies Of the American
Revolution. So he dug up one Of these
genealogical glugs and hired him to 60
over the records, whatever they were, +,
in order to trace him back to some gink
that fought in the American Revolution,
Johnny paying the genealogical sharp
a hundred as a retainer and promising
to stink across with another three hun
dred after tho job was finished.
@The genealogical conologist. it seems.
didn't slip Johnny any guarantee that
he'd be able TO dig him up some sure
Revolutionary ancestor, but he
that he'd kick over the dusty tones
and see what could be done. and Johnny
agreed that he'd abide by what the gene
alogist found and make the additional
hundred good no matter how the
pedigree looked on paper when it was
all built up.
We'll, the best the genealogical expert
could do, after plugging along at the job
six months or 60. was to find that
sure did have an ancestor on his
p~aternal side who enlisted and fit and
a little bit on the American side
the Revolution, but there was a
attached to that. for the windup |
Of this ancestor OF Johnny was that he
was shot by order Of a drumhead court
for trying to escape to the British
before the battle of White Plains. |
Ha. ha. ha! D'jevver have anything
.npeeled on you to equal that for the
kind OF STUFF
or course the thing never would have got
out in a thousand years. but when Johnny
got that report from the pedigree sharp
about his punk ancestor being stood up
in front Of a wall for trying to do the stink
thing from the American outfit. why.
he began to put up a roar that sounded
like q couple of roundhouse explosions. !
and when the genealogist flashed the bill
IN Johnny for the additional three
hundred. why. Johnny went right up in
the air like one Of those new ten cent
bird kites, and hollered through his
that he wouldn't pay the three
hundred or any part Of II. and then the
genealogist opened up about the thing
and told som folks ! know just why
Johnny wouldn't dig up. and he's going
to sue Johnny for the three hundred
IL he doesn't come across with 1t.
We'll, say, can you see Johnny Heave-
mooching into court and letting
that pedigree investigator relate his
tale in any mans court, anywhere7
Not in a thousand! Johnyll sift over
the three hundred and costs all
right, all right as soon as he gets some Of
the high fever out Of his system. but it's
Intn eor h;p, ,on;pr that tha ~ao~