The Washington herald., 1909-01-18

Congress was slapped on thewrist, the
Federal system Of appointments was
soundly raped. and everything else that
IS important was handed one below the
belt at the twelfth annual banquet OF
the printers Of Washington. the organ
ization which is officially known as The
Knights of Momus,7 at the Arlington Ho-
tel last night.
Festive quips had the inside track. and
sober second thought was about fourteen
iaps behind. Everything went When
ever a speaker ceased 10 be interesting,
the POSTMASTER brought down a tack
hammer on a FIRE gong. and smother expo
neat forensic pyrotechnics was allowed
70 infiet his personality as long as he
aad anything original 10 infict-
RurS of Wit Cracked.
Il vas a feast OF the inconsequentisl
sn orgie Of the immaterial But al that.
when some Of the ehesnut burs OF wit
we're cracked open, the meat inside was
found 10 contain several OF the rudiments
of what almost approached intelligence.
Samuel Goupers was there, looking
very fetching in a black skull cap. A
rew seats away from him sat his CO
partner IN Jail aspirations. Frank Nor
riSon. and neither OF them seemed TO be
specially worried about H. In fact. one
Z the best features Of the evening had
she two labor leaders as its subject
At a certain point in the proceedings
rr-r-- rsr "a sscf-rrrrna
fretted its way across the stage tG be
seen no more. and the quail was about
due. the lights went out. and the hall
was Ieft in darkness. except for the
glowing ends OF a couple OF hundred
cigars.
Somebody with a dark lantern went up
and down the line OF celebrities az the
main table. throwing the light Of the
iantern IL the face of each Of the mem
bers Of the great and the near-gUeaL
GonperS Is Guilty.
As the serious. skuT-capped head Of Nj
Gompers came within the halo OF light, a
solemn voice said:
We find this man guilty"
Guilty Of whst?- came the answer.
7 don't know Guilty OF anything
guilty OF being IN bad company
Thereupon Frank \. Kidd arose and
moved that the toastmaster. F. y. White
head. be inpeached for making improper
use OF the secret service. A hot debate
followed. the details Of which are kept
)ut Of print by request, and upon a rising
vote the POSTMASTER was sustained. He
vas allowed 10 give Up his Office with
honor and resign the tackhammer 70
WIZ Z BUrchfeld. who conducted the
banquet thence onward.
4 quartet composed OF Messrs. Myers.
MOsher. ROderick. and Holland was OBJ
sessed By a desire 10 sing on every paltry
occasion. and the mere mention Of new
speaker name was enough 10 call forth
an Outburst Of close harmony. that WASH Z
bad AZ that IN fact, when My Rosary
vas sung with all the lights out and the
diners in a sentimental mood. tears were
freely shed, and everybody agreed that
Ny Rosary" was strong with The lachTy-
nal department
Things to sat and Drink
The menu was punctuated with several
Iarge-sized lunches Of grapes in a state
Of decomposition. commonly known by
such names as sauterne et al There was
roast quail sur canape and salade chif-
fonier and green turtle aU xeres, and
number Of others
When the black coffee had come on ana
the individual packages OF cigars hsd
been undone. the programme commenced.
under the caption Of Thoughts from
Russia" Frank D. Smith. scrfbbier Of
the scroll read the report Of the last an
EJaI banquet containing disrespectful re-
marks about many prominent persons
present. His remarks were received in
good part however, and beyond brief
interruption when Gen Keifer. former
Speaker Of the House. had 70 have his
collar loosened. everything went smoothly.
Mr.. Burchheld was then installed as
president and toastmaster, and the official
bell was transferred TO a position ia front
OF him. He thereupon proceeded TO in
trodUce speakers, the first ef whom was
Gen J. Warren Keifer who was men
toned as the youngest member Of the
Knockers Club z" He started out TO
live up to his reputation for kittenish-
ness with much success He pounced
upon some prominent question IN the pub
lie eye-It doesn't matter what Il was
and rolled it all about the floor OF the
AAE'iN va NAcAtN- FcAN%AAi6 II AADliA AlAAEr
10 tine with the paw OF facetiOusness.
All OF which made such a hit that Mr.
Gompers' hat got crooked and required
Strengthening
Sentiment to the Fore.
Harvey Ellis. past exalted ruler Of
Lodge No. I5 Of EIks. came 10 the front
with a car load OF sentiment IN the form
OF the II O'Clock toast which started
tears to flowing freely. It occurred at
1I;s0 but that was because the toast
master forgot himself and lost a lap on
his schedule
The alphabet was reciteS BY Hon.
julius Kahn, Representative from San
Francisco His performance was not so
much 70 show that now and then Rep
resentative can recite the alphabet as 10
illustrate some story OF other he was
telling. which was probably all right ST
that. Mr.. Kahn recited the alphabet