davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

cost me the better part of three thousand
dollars. So that I can't see any good
reason why an auctioneer shouldn't be
able to cop out between $40 and $50 for
1t. and I'd slip you that piece OF change
to buy a hat and chewing gum with.
''Hows that? You're perfectly satisfied
in your little home and you love it and
everything In it? Oh, that's all right.
That's what they all say. You're only
saying that in the unselfshness of yorr
little heart to make ME feel easy, that's
all. I know all about those few lines
how crazy you are over your little home
and all like that. But you'll be craZier
over the hotel things, and that's why I'm
going to close up this drum. or course
I'm satisfied here-satisfied no matter
how the outfit is run. because I'm just
mutt enough to be kind of a domestic
cuss; and as to how the plant is run,
why, I've just got to be satisfied with
that end of it. But I'm not the one to
be considered. All I do Is to keep it go
ing. That's my mission in life. and I'm
not the kind of a gazoob to fall down on
my mission. DIE make any coffee, and
where is it?''
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

/ hereby dispute that state claim 10 tHS
tiredest dog In this country. The weariest
dog in the United States. if not in the
civilized world. lives in Meridian. Miss
His name is 'Loafer.' and he belongs to
a livery stable keeper. He's highly priced
by the community on account of his In
nate, congenital and incurable WEAKNESS
A group of responsible Meridianites long
ago agreed to forfeit $1,000 if from any
quarter of the earth any wearier dog
than Loafer can be produced, and no
breed or kind of dog barred in the betting
"Loafer is a pure-bred mutt and he
never did minutes work of any kind in
his life Meridian. I'm fact. would hang
its head in shame II by any remote posi-
bility Loafer should take it into his head
to do anything in the way of working
stunt.
"Loafer hasn't got any tail worth men
tioning. He was born with just about
as much tall as any other dog comes
into the world with but he lost II early
in life owing to his WEAKNESS. When he
was yet under q year old Loafer went to
sleep one day right In front OF the livery
stable elevator. used to carry buggies up
and down, with his tail under the eleva-
tor space. One of the stable hands had
taken the elevator 10 the second floor to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

whats the best way to drink the water
hot or colde" l asked him.
''Hot-raging, roaring. ramping. boiling
ll-o-t, HOT" he ratified right back.
to be so hot that you can hear it sizzling
your internal mechanism as it pafades
down. That's the way it's beneficial.
When you take 1t tepid or cold. why, 1t
just bilges in you and doesn't do bit OF
good, Take 1t red, vermilion. crimson,
flaming hot-HOT! Do you hear me?'
he concluded. domineeringly.
promised to obey him.
few minutes later l met another chap
with whom I'd had q nodding acauaint-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03
he Water and Characters Who Pake the Mountain Spring.

wasn't worth a nickels worth OF radium
on a hay scales Then / went up
against this sulphur water. and, say. II
can't rassle and throw Gotch and Hack
enschmidt on the same mat. no holds
barred, right at the present moment of
time, I'll eat a Chihuahua burro stuffed
with roman candles. That's how good
this cure is, take it from your little play
mate Alcwyn.'
But" l tried to nudge in. what did
this gink that / just met mean BY"
Jaw, all that fellow needs is a ticket
for the nut colony" said this enthusiast.
right out of hand, just like that HE
wouldn't know the difference between a
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03
His Reward.

G ENATOR DOLLIVER. discussing Ger
- tain tariff propositions with a Wash
ington correspondent last month, said:
Those propositions would pay. eh.
Yes, they would pay as the Denvsr
mans advertising campaign did.
Advertising always pays said a
friend of this man. Take the case OF
Smith. Smith recently conducted a most
extensive advertising campaign through
out the country. and was thereby dis
serted some ten years before -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

Nasty tasting stuff. eh?'' said to him.
who, no. not at ALL he said right
of 1T tastes bully: In fact I, has s,s
elutchy taste to it that'll make hit with
you"
But was told a little while ago that
it tasted like glue factory being fum-
gated by the board OF health for the
chickenpox. and that"
well. say. If you're going to stop and
listen to every pulpnut around here that
opens his aperture and begins to unspool
superheated steam on. you. why, you
might Just as well beat it hack to town
and let the cure run for Hogan. All
you've got to do Is to"
We'll. what's the best way to drink
this water-hot or cold?"
''Oh. cold, by all means. Nothing but
cold. Cold as you can get II. IT You
drink it hot It's liable to salivate you.
Hot sulphur water tears all the casing
off your in ards and does you more harm
than good. WANT to drink just as
much of 1t as you can stand. and as cold
as you can get 1t, and"
But glug down the porch told me
only a little while ago that only glass
full Of 1t should be taken at a time, and
that 1t should be taken boiling hot, and
that
Look a-here If you're going to listen
to all these maniacs around here-and
I'll tip you of. matey, most of the folks
here are insane-Why, you might just as
well be wearing your bright young life
away back on Broadway or Pennsylvania
avenue. that's all I've got to say. on
listen to me, now, while you're here, and
after ten days you won't have any more
stomach trouble than snow-bird-Won't
know that you've got stomach"
r.
I remembered that I'd forgotten to ask
about the baths and how good or bad they
were for what allied folks. and 80 the next
man met whom had nodding acquaint-
ance with l pulled that question on him.
Well" he replied. judicially. I'm the
greatest kind Of booster for the water
here as a drinking proposition. but nix
on the baths. In my opinion. the baths
are enervating. They take It out o. you,
kind o., and leave you inert and listless
and 1assitudinous, and all like those.
whatever they may mean. I'd advise you
to drink all the water that you can ship.
taking 1t red-hot one day and ice-cold the
next day, alternately. but you want to
flag the baths altogether. The baths
take all the spunk and spine and sand and
grit and gumption out Of you. I don't
understand why they let the people here
take those baths. honest I don't. But
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

the subject Of your mother I'm not
quite such chump these days, 1 hope.
We'll. secondly. keeping house bores
you to extinction. ] know that. I've
Of woman that doesn't care a rap for
a home. You feel like something Gagged
In your home. And there's good deal
to be said on that side of the question at
all's said and done, husband is good
deal OF nuisance and a trial. He's
around too much. 1t doesn't make any
difference how little he really Is around;
he's around the home too much Then,
too. must husbands are selfish and self
centered and inconsiderate enough to ex-
pect certain little things around their
own homes. Take my own case. for eX-
ample. I'm just ruftian enough to take
the view that shouldn't be expected
to eat grub for dinner that's incinerated
to a clinker. A husband sort of expects
his wife to be on the job of running his
plant occasionally. instead Of turning the
whole cheese over to dinge maid, whose
grandparents were cannibais somewhere
In Uganda. I mention these things mere
ly to show what exactin2, no-account
fatheads all OF US husbands are.
Then, too. housekeeping keeps you In
too much. rye thought about that end
OF 1t. too, you see. Why. suppose there
are days when you remain within the i'm
prisoning confines of this apartment for
ten or fifteen whole consecutive minutes
AZ q ~>oN, tAiol . Ooti d5IOOS'
Moreover, I've thought OF all the little
daily annoyances of housekeeping, too,
before sort OF making up my mind to
flag this housekeeping business. Take
the marketing, for instance. Sometimes
the marketing requires you to be at the
telephone for as long as four minutes a
day. Now, that's too much to ask any
woman to do. It's doubly outrageous
when, it's considered that you could be
employed those four minutes at the phone
to call up your woman friends and ask
'em If they're going to have their skirts
made with pleats or with biased cores
"Also, I've considered the hard. grind
ing labor which is bound to be the por-
ton of women who live In these squalid
$50 month apartments. Often my heart
has ached for you when I've seen you
busting the pictures on the mantelpiece
after the dinge maid has swept out.
Fact Is, I've often thought of hiring a
regular mantelpiece picture buster to save
you from that arduous. back-bending toll
Occasionally, too. in your zeal to make
at least an attempt to be an imitation
OF a housekeeper, anyhow. I've seen you
sHe eo1y ous h sata % lift h N
little pillows up and then put em down
again, just like galley slave. 1t always
hurts me to the quick to see YOU do hard
work. honest 1t does. Fact is, l dare say
you've never even guessed ho-. I've been
sympathizing with YOU right along
Haven't I often stood by, bitterly re-
preaching myself for my comparative in
dgence. when I've seen you taking the
slightly soiled bureau cover off and put
ting q fresh one on? To do that you had
to remove all of the combs and brushes
and pin trays and cushions and hand
glasses and toilet water bottles and ter
ribly heavy gear like that from the
bureau and place the stuff on the he'd
and then, after putting the clean cover
on. why, you had TO stoop over and put
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

egg plant? Egg plant crispettes! Holo-
caust of egg plant? Egg plant Ia con-
Migration?
"Oh, the egg plant was left on little
700 long. hey? So that's all. is 1t? Mere
~ left on a little too long. Well, you
might have left it on a few weeks longer
while you were about 1t, and had ossified
egg plant for dinner.
.'How's that? Oh. sure thing. Sure it
was the maids fault. Why. cer'nly,
cer'nly, cer'nly. Everything's the maids
fault. That poor dinge is the goat Of this
establishment. It's always up to her Her
for the boots every time anything goes
wrong.
Crafty arrangement, all the same. to
pass everything up to the maid. You've
got things rugged up. y'see. so that no.
body really Is responsible. You toss
everything smack-dab up to the dinge
maid. and this system. you fondly mag
inc let's you out. She's the one. you al
ways tell me, and therefore you're al
ways in a position to work the immunity
bath thing But at that there never was
a gag framed up. even by a woman, that
couldn't be beat somehow or another.
Now. ! wonder what you'd think. Just f'r
instance. IL / were to tell you that I've
got it seriously in mind to bust up this
housekeeping game altogether? Because
you know. that is precisely what I have
In mind TO do. 1t isn't any OF these sud
den snap notions on my part, either. It's
something I've carefully thought out and
it's based upon a heap OF mighty valid
grounds.
Firstly, you know YOU never were
meant to be a hcusekeeper. I'm saying
this in all good part and with no desire
earth TO wound-but Providence never
designed you for a housekeeper House
keeping just isn't your game. You can't
shine at housekeeping any more than
YOU can at analytical chemistry. You
have no instructive sense OF order. no
idea of system. no conception of punctu-
ality method and a lot Of things like
those that contribute to the making OF
what's known as successful house
keeper.
Now. I'm not saying. mind, that you
can help this. It's probable, In fact.
that YOU can't help II. I make these
allowances. you see. I remember. for
example, the general air OF jumbied I'M
tidiness In the home in which you we're
brought up. and. of course. l take that
into consideration.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

+ you've G v e r
taken any kind OF
a water cure, on
this or any other
continent. you will
be contiguous to
the facts here to
be unfolded.
Recently ! went
UP into s o m @
mountains to take
d water cure.
Taking a water
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

critics 10 work again. Probably there
will he another deluge Of special cor
rsspondence on the subject as enhSht-
ching as on the first occasion, Tor M
vcstigators are on the trail now ana theE
must discover something or other at all
hazards One distinguished writer some
time ago visited the istlnlus and re-
manned for fifteen days. daily risking his
health-so he says-in the exhaustive in
designations which. when published, skin
ned alive the canal and everybody con-
nected with ii. In view of the fact that
the said distinguished writer In his pub
lished articles made some startling dis
closures, showing an intimate knowledge
OF his subject matter, his diary, faith
fully kept during his stay in the Canal
Zone, and found in his hotel room some
days after his departure for the states.
should prove of general interest. Here 1t
is. unexpurgated and complete:
Panama, January 1.-Landed this morn
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

thing right here in this dreamy little
mountain valley. Go to it. my boy-go
to it,
But I tried timidly to cut on. "a
man l just met-old friend of mine-told
me that the cure was phony: that 1t
couldn't cure freckles on a warthog, and
that
"DoA't you believe him. Don't you be-
lieve anybody. Believe me, that's all.
Why, say, this water here can chase
more meanness out of the human system
in a week than T. f.. can chase okapi
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03
MI HAT dye call this

HAT dye call this
S t U ( { II you
please?" sarcastic
ally inquired Mr..
Grump. of Mrs.
Grump at the din
ner table, holding
up on his fork q
piece of fried egg
plant that had been
slightly burned.
Egg plant . la
cinder? Ashes of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03
OBSERVE that the

OBSERVE that the
fact that several
tons Of earth re-
Gently slid from
somewhere to some
where else, down In
the Canal Zone, and
that a large sea-
going ship got tan
gled up with a lock
in the 500 canal,
have started the
anti Pana ma-route
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

OME time ago I
read a newspaper
article about a dog
named Tired liv-
ing in Morgantown.
w. Va, that Is
claimed to be the
tiredest dog in the
United States" said
a Mississippian.
well, with all
due regard to and
for West Virginia.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

the water Is mighty healing and good ior
what ails anybody. Just to drink.
other man who looked as IL he were
stocked with some information.
They tell me-" I remarked TO this one
that while the water here is all to the
tabasco as a drinking proposition, IL s
dangerous when used for bathing"
Say. what ivory-skulled lummox told
you that?'' inquired this man. twisting
around In his porch rocking chair and tS-
Ing me with his impaiing. baleful eye.
why. look a-here, man. It's just exactly
the t'other way around, and you must
have misunderstood that idiot, or else lie
ought to be in straitjacket. why, say;
! wouldn't give q plaster OF paris nickel
that'd been run over by a freight train
for all Of the water here that ever drih-
bled out Of the rocks. considered as stun
to drink. But, say, when 1t comes to be
ing the article to battle in. why believe
I'd commit suicide If l thought the sup
ply had chance of running dry before
my time to cash In comes around IL >
the candiest proposition, considered as
healing water to battle in. that ever Jut-
ted from the interior of the ground, and
it'll cure anything from fightiness OF ~"
wishbone to a sin-seared soul-bathing III
II. mean, understand me. But don't yon
drink any of it.: don't. IL you value your
internal economy. It's deadly to drink.
I think there ought to be 8. law prevent
ing em from allowing people to drink II.
All you've got to do to feel like the
o. the woods is to battle In this water
three or four times a week, and when
you get through with this treatment
carefully avoiding drinking any of the
stuff-you'n feel like looking up all your
old maid aunts and handing 'em money"
5 4 \
That's the kind Of game I leaned up
against at the water cure up In the
mountains. No two Of the several hun
dred folks at the place entertained the
same views al to the cure. And they
were all split up into factions. The folks
who believed in drinking water hot shifted
scornfully at the people who believed IN
gulping It cold; and the gang who didn't
believe In taking the sulphur baths at all
grinned sardonically at the folks who. at
the regular bathing hours. fled along tho
paths to the bathing plants.
The only way to work It when you
nudge along TO any kind OF Q water cure
is to find out all about 1t before you start
there and then. after you arrive. pretend
that you're deaf and dumb. Otherwise
you'll get as many views as everybody in
Washington gets as to just what ought
to be done TO fix up the Washington
base ball club. and ! can't employ any
more maddening or convincing smile than
that. CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

sure-enough cure and a half bushel Of
coke if you'd give him a diagram and
glossary. Don't listen to these crabs
that you'll meet here. Listen to me only
and get well and husky and happy
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

ri.re means drinking lot OF mineral
waterfall that YOU can hold--that tastes
like the inside OF a motorman's glove;
bathing in the same water that has
been heated virtually to a boiling and
parhoilinS state; and moochinS around
wondering whether the treatment is go
ing TO Kill you or make you husky
enough to challenge Jeffries and johnson
Tor I light in the same ring.
The rest of the bunch taking the water
cure, or not taking it, will assist you
bouuteously as to the wondering part of
your exercises.
Before YOU begin on the water cure
rs soon as you hit the plant where the
cure is given. in fact--you tackle the
people YOU meet up with as to the merits
or dement's OF the water cure.
The first man j met at the water cure
establishment in the mountains was a
general passenge: agent for railroad
whom Id known in New York and
Washington.
Are you taking this cure:" I asked
him.
"t'h-huh," he replied. in n tone of pro-
found gloom and depression
Seems to make you happy, doesn't it?'
] suggested. beginning to do some Won
dering right then and there.
Jaw, dispense with that persif1ageous
comedy" related the passenger agent,
dreariy. Its no laughing matter.
What's no laughing natter: l asked
him, wondering a heap more.
why, this BANKED cure here said he,
shaking his head dismally.
Then 1 told him that inasmuch as I'd
just travelled about 400 miles on a hot
sleeping car to reach the water cure OF
which he was speaking SO sadly. I'd like
to have him tell me what the dickens he
thought he knew about it.
x 4
Well said he, I'll tell you this: If
you idiot enough to take this dog
goned thing that they call a water cure
cure. What balderdashy junk! Cure,
Huh.-why. I'll be strongly tempted to
wire to your folks to come and get you
and have you poked into the BOBBY hatch,
that's all. Cure! Say, this alleged. So
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

Wait minute now. Il isn't going to
be necessary for you TO ring In the re-
mark that I'm saying anything about
your mother. She may think that she
knows how 10 keep house. Most women
do. Eut didn't start TO converse on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

and rhnos in fifteen years, take it from
me. And I'm little Sunlocks. what knows.
When | came here l felt like page out
of Half Hours in the Best Morgues,' and
it had begun to seem to me that life
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-03

ance in some cities.
well. I've got list to starboard right
now from gulping the water" he told me
after the exchange of greetings. Took
five dipperfulS of It,"
Norwich bulletin., 1909-12-21
NEW RAILROAD BRIDGE
 AT NORWICH FALLS.
Being Built by Central Vermont Road
 Back of Yantic Cemetery.

A new railroad bridge over the Yan- tic river at the Falls, at the west cor ner of the Yantic cemetery, is being built for the Central Vermont road. It is to be of the same size as the present structure but of heavier construction. The old bridge is considered too light for the heavy freight trains that pass over it. and for this reason a heavier bridge is to be put up. The new bridge is located in the same place as the old one, and there is no interrup- tion to traffic during it's construction.
 The Phoenix Bridge company of Phoenix, Pa, has the contract, and started on the work last Wednesday. It will probably be two months before the work is completed A considerable part of the wooden underpinning is in place, the frames having been put to- gether on land and slid into the water on ways. The construction company has set up a hoistng engine, has a compressed air outfit to operate its drills, and considerable material has arrived. A derrick will soon be put up.
 The new bridge will be of girder spans, and in charge of the work is Foreman Smith.
Norwich bulletin., 1909-12-21
PARDON GRANTED NORWICH MAN
Jeremiah Tempeste Gets Liberty on Recommendation of Board of Pardons-Character of the Girl Considered by Board-Jehn Warren's Petition Denied.

The adjourned Session of the board of pardons Vas held Monday in the supreme court room. Hartford. The session was opened at 11.20 by Sheriff Dewey Those present were Governor WeeSs. Judge John M. Thayer, Nor rss w. Seymour, J. Gilbert Calhoun Gin the place of the Hon. Lewis Sper- ry), and Dr. George Fl. Knight The only cases on the docket to be heard by the board were those from Hart ford county.
 At the conclusion of the days ses- sion of the board, which had adjourn ed over from last week to hear the Hartford county cases, the considera- ton was given to the forty appeals.
 John Warren of Holland county, who completed fifty years in states prison last Saturday, for-wife murder, has been refused a pardon
 The following pardonS were granted:
 Jeremiah Tempeste, New London county. sentenced September 16 1904, eight to twelve years, abuse of fe- male child; Catherine Neil, Fairfield county, sentenced May 9, 1907, five to nine years. manslaughter; Thomas McGinely, Fairfield county, sentenced February 19. 1909, two to five years, robbery; William Spudensky. New Haven county. sentenced, October 17, 1905, six to ten years, abuse of female under sixteen.
 In the case of Tempeste the board, it is understood, took into considera-