Omaha daily bee., 1909-11-20
HOW SHAVING CAME IN VOGUE
nnrber Reels orr n Little
60 the Victim In the
chats.

6oftaliNls as ne EfNhnGN MS uNlpIRhH VIC
tim and sloshed the lather over his face
yet. 1 venture TO say that you know
nothing Of the reason you and your tel
lowmeu have their boards removed az
fast as they grow"
The victim grunted and made a feeble
and Intellectual attempt to wipe the lather
from his eyes,
shaving. however. Is the most ancient
Of arts" the talkative tonsorialist con-
tinued, posing the razor above the vic
TINS face. ''Th ancient Greeks AMI
Romans all removed their boards, and as
far back as records Of antiquity 20 II
is shown that the tonsorialist's art was y
one OF the most honored and widely prRc-
ticed I therefore, am o descendant OF
tonsorialists whose line began back in the
misty and shrouded beginnings OF the
human family.
The origin OF shaving, as you may not
know. began in the army. This Is why
modern armies keep we'll shaved. I I'M a
graduate OF the Hooking Valley Corre-
spondence University OF Shaving and Hair
Cutting. and the classics OF our art are a
part Of the course. We must know the
why and wherefore. as well as the prac-
tice OF the profession.
Some time has elapsed since I received
my degree from the Hooking Valley uni
versity. and although 1 took a post-gradu-
dNt NOhiEN hAh III = ~ 49,
degree OF bachelor OF shampooing, I can
not remember the names Of the earliest
originators Of the shaving art. Oh, par
don me. did l nick you. You'll only lose a
gill OF blood, I assure you, and II you
drink plenty Of milk YOU will speedily re-
gain it.
'welI. as I was saying. shaving origi
mated In the olden days before you and I
were born. Yes. quite naturally, before we
were born. However, there was much
fighting In those gay days, and every man
who did not carry a sword and shield was
very little respected by the other strong
arms who were his ~neiEhbors.
Now, Epileptic the Bold, I think that
was his name, though l cannot remember
enough Of my early classical course to
say with assurance, was a great leader
in the times OF antiquity, end he had as
his, army a gang Of long-whiskered fight
ers who were easily the champions over
anything they had gone up against.
"Tha must have been somewhere
around the Biblical times, when all men
let their boards grow. II a mans whisk-
ers got to his waistllne he was much
prouder than the man who only could get
his below his collar button. I believe that
this is the basis Of pride even now among
some Mohsmmedan countries. The length
Of the beard, 1 am told, determines respec-
liability.
However that may be. General Epilep-
tic got mixed up in a. diplomatic argu-
ment with another ancient hero whose
name / cannot at present recall. Perhaps
when you come In tomorrow 1 will be
able to tell you the real names OF these
famous men, but 1 am now familiar with
the facts of the legends, exclusive OF
names and dates.
"But the result OF the diplomatic squab-
BILE was the sever ance OF relations and
war was eagerly looked forward to by
both tribes. The forces OF the hero OPP
posed to Epileptlc, as I understand, were
somewhat superior to those of the latter
leader, but that did not in any way feaze
his brave followers, and they clamored
eagerly for the strife. They offered to
make any sacrifices and even the women
declared they would give up their chew
ing gum II only the general would give
them war.
But Epileptic was a strategist and he
had grave doubts about the prospects OF
success. He considered a long time be-
fore he finally decided to send his ulti-
matum, and this he did not do until he
called all his warrors together and told
them It was time TO make good on their
sacrifice talk.
I'm those days all the fighting, with the
exception of a bit Of stone singing and
arrow shooting, was done hand to hand.
The archers and singers were in bad, as
1t were, not having the same social posi-
ton and prestige as those who carried
swords and shields and mixed the fight.
The same relations existed as do today
in our army. with the engineers looking
down on the infantry.
Now, when two armies then met in a
clash they clashed properly. All the men
uynVa LONG haardg ms VOI know. and the
best mode of fighting was for one man
to grab the other fighters beard. getting
a good grip on it, and with this hand
hold use his sword to good effect. Which
ever man got his fingers In a beard first
was most likely to be the winner.
But a brilliant idea struck Epileptic,
or whatever his name was. He proposed
to eliminate all handholds on his men and
in order to give the enemy nothing to
grasp, he ordered all his men to shave off
their luxuriant boards. or course, there
was much dissatisfaction and some tears
were shed, but the warriors had gone so
strong on the sacrifice talk that 1t was
too late to hedge.
$50 off came the boards until each mar
was clean shaven. 1t was then that the
razor was invented. One man., who had
sharpened his sword to an exceedingly
thin edge, was the inventor. History, how
ever, does not perpetuate his name, as !
think somebody stole his patent at that
time. The other warriors, who were saw
ing their boards off with haeksaws, saw
the superiority of the sharp sword and
adopted Il.
According to The historical legend, as
1t comes down to US. the victory that re-
suited was like taking chocolate caramels
from a blind Chinese baby. The enemies
OF E~pileptlc advanced on the field, their
waving boards making a brilliant show
ing. which affected the defenders OF the
field, brave as they were, to such an ex-
tent that several dropped a tear in mem
DRY Of their own lost hirsute glories.
but the enemy through Epileptic's
crowd was a bunch Of women, not noting
any boards. and they came on to the
fight as II they were going to an oyster
roast. OF course, they received q sur
prise, for Bpileptic's soldiers had only TO
grab their adversarles' boards and com
plete the slaughter. The enemies hands
sought in vain for something to hold to,
but the holds we're gone.
"of course, that revolutionized fighting
and fashions. The leader Of the enemy,