The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-04-20
DRFTW00D

Every .ooe mas nis day--every ser want Giri her evening
 A messenger boy may possess sand but there is not much danger in one ever possessing quick-ssnd. { Twas direct woe and disaster
 That happened to our pup.
 He ate a mustard plaster 1
 And the darn thing burnt him up. ( r.lk about premature rraynsss, but a lump of butter two days old that sports . gray hair is just about the limit.
 withhold lest you be tempted to inturs him--says hs has . method which VIII enable anyone to learn to play on the cornet for 75 cents. What shame it ,sn,s beck to prevent sarsf anyone ,m IuS@ liSea time.
 Tn Rochester there is a man whose heart makes twenty-six pulsations should beat sixty five to minute. IL must be easy for him not to become excited when the bill is presented for his wife's spring outft' whales milk is said to bs very hsalthful for mankind. If you went to be . Kind hearted and considerate father keep few whales Tn the peck- yard rain water barrel
 There is talk of putting roller skates on hotel walters. An Omaha hotel has started the ball rollins. or rather the skates.
 Political campaiens are not opened with can openers-rather are they opened with cork.screws' sa:s r.Sn snswS. w.% t ss; ;pusa oD sDnasa asn when it went In. It am bad enun 10 tsr~Sards~dat hurts wuss." is that the barbers have begun to shave with cold water.
 The judge rode slowly
 Down the lane,
 Stroking his horses -
 Chestnut mane. T could have married Maud.
 As I'm alive.
 With wheat at
 The only thing in the world quite as free as advice is youth just out or college.
 We nearly all like to be high-fiyers In this world, but few of us pause to pick out good place to light
 Hetty Green pays sI25 a week for apartments in a New York hotel. she is the richest woman in the world why not.
 in Pennsylvania that can trot a mile to . sulky in e;ao.
 There is a man in California who has never heard of Roosevelt: Per haps, however. he is just as happy
 A cook in Montgomery when asked if she couldn't live with her husband without nn fhsnE ss a snid b. to happy sas
 One of the greatest arguments against simpiified spelling is that your Correspondents will think you don't know any better.
 Some say 1t is nicer to be man than a yoman-that being true. Lord pity the women.
 A Kansas philosopher says that ad- miration for the style of hats the wo- men bought this spring will have to De acquired like a taste for olives
 When q young man starts to 9, gcins  der what. salary he gets" ss. z, .r3sI- + 4.s+r A K. The Chicago divorce courts disposed of sixty-seven cases Saturday. .Chi. ca sro ,is the piaces stos1 have the knot united in q hurry. if ss' -N14fs The button makers are on q strike --and to think some of the new dress es have as many as 5oc buttons on em' Beer is going up in South Carolina. We presume 1t is also going "doWn. The ladies are breathing easy in their new spring outfits. ts.--Jacksonvilie aBreathing easya"--what kind of spring outfits do they have in Jackson vile. Venus di Milo pattern?
 The song birds twitter
 In the trees.
 'Tis nice to fritter
 Days like these.
 But there's a thorn
 with every rose,
 On spring quinine
 We have to dose.