The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1909-07-16
Our Query Department.

Maria: If you want to straighten
your hair, as you fear it looks
something like "darkey's," our
advice would be to use lawn
mower. Shave your head every
morning before breakfast and get
a wig made of ostrich plumes. You
will look a trifle fantastic, but if
you are ION the carpet" you GER
tainly don't want to look like a mig
ger. If in doubt-use perfume.
Young Husband: You say every
few days your wife pouts and threat
ems to go to her mother. You want
us to advise you what to do. Well,
if we had wife young or old who
pouted and threatened to go back to
her mother we would let her go.
There is no way to keep her If she
feels that way about it. If married
life isn't what she painted it, let
her go. After she has been with her
mother awhile she will want to come
back, and then you write her short
note and tell her to go to-well, say
her fathers people. Keep away
from her. A pouting wife is like a
dog that sucks eggs. Good for moth
ing. The little woman who sees
that she has missed it; who girds
up her loins and says no matter I'll
stick it out; who wears smile and
is always cheerful-she is the kind
of a woman you want, but if you
didn't get her and the one you did
get wants to skidoo, let her go.
Young Housewife: AS you say
this is the season for putting up
fruit and you want to know how to
can raspberries and peaches and
figs. DANCED if we know. 1t seems
to us, however, that we would put
them on and when they came to the
boiling point we'd try to get them
off without burning our fingers. If
we burned em we'd cuss a little but
we don't know whether a woman
should do that or not. We'd take
the jars, and fill em up and put on
the top and let that end it. That
seems to be very simple, but the
chances are that they would be no
good. We have tied tin cans to
dogs tails when kid, but we
never did much preserving. Fact is
when you ask us questions don't
bring in any cooking business. Ask
us about Life; about Love; about
War; about Politics; about the
grand things of the world, for We'll
be everlastingly dad drafted if we
want to monkey in the kitchen.
Anxious Mother: You say your
baby darling has swallowed a spoon
and want advice. Let it go. We
don't see what you can do now
When the kid grows up big and
some lover bold and gay comes q
counting of her tell him that if she
acts a little spooney she can't helI
| it. 1t was born in her.
Doctor: You want to know how tC
cure hams. We would refer you tC
doesn't know enough to cure ham
isn't the kind of a doctor we are
going to employ to go after our yer.
inform appendiX-bet your life on
that.
Distracted Lover: You have writ.
ten us before. You say this is the
fourth time you have been disap.
pointed in love and that you are
getting tired of it," We don't
blame you our angelic cuss. Seems
that you were born in the wrong
! time of the moon, or the wrong
month or something that way. We
would not stay any longer in the
game. Get a bull dog and tie him
| loose in the front yard. The first
male pelican that strolls up your
garden walk with love in his eyes
yell sic i'm Tige" and then see the
! transformation scene as the bull
dog comes back with a sofa cushion
cover in his mouth.