davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
Mark Twain at the Wheel.

The President is by no means out of
danger unless the patriotism of a dis in
guished man OF letters can be relied
upon.
At last the committees and the cooks
are under orders. No rich and outlandish
dishes simply to show off a locality. Mr..
Taft, they are advised, has a good ICES
ton, and high appreciation of those
who would serve him of the best. But
he is warned not to indulge at table too
freely. and hence the other warning, Lead
him not into temptation. Even Presi-
dent must eat to live, but he has so much
else to do he cannot live only to eat. So
that from now until the long journeys
end care will be taken that tables do not
groan with indigestible delicacies.
But a new peril has arisen. The propo-
sition is seriously made that Mark Twain
take the Wheel at St Louis on the boat
that will bear the President to New Or
leans. and stand watch" on the trip
down the Mississippi.
The popular notion that the eminent
man of that popular pen name was at
one time an expert pilot on 1.-The old Mis-
sissip" never had any encouragement
from him. He has told in his own enter
brief and inglorious career as cub"
and his awakening to the fact that he
was not "cut OUT for the river. He has
never pretended that he mastered the
stream. and could go back now and do
his old stunt in style again.
And another point. What young Glenn
ems learned about the great river years
ago would be of no service to Mark
Twain today. He would be a stranger
along the route. The Mississippi has al
ways been a rebel, defying the arrange
ments of both God and man. She will go
her own gait in her own way. When she
tires of an old course she cuts out new.
If town is left by the process miles in
the lurch, that is the towns lookout. If
plantations. rich and under cultivation,
are swallowed up, that is fate, sad as it
may be for their owners. Channels are
here today. there tomorrow and yonder
later. To know the Mississippi it is nee
essary TO keep in sight of her, and mark
her many and uncomfortable moods and
changes. She is hardly the same old girl
two days running.
The probability is that the dean Of
American humorists If invited to do this
stunt will see the joke and decline. He
is not the man to put the Presidents life
in jeopardy and send marine insurance
up. The men to steer the flagship of that
f1otilla, from st. Louis to Orleans"
should know every mile of the water by
day or night, and '1et her go back a
little, SIR" and '1et her come forward a
little. SIR without risk to anybody.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

From the Richmond Times Dispatch
1t is said by some that umpires reform
IN the fall and lead quiet, useful lives
during the winter.
From the Detroit Times
only seven more days in which to come
down with nervous prostration.
From the Chicago Tribune
Shake not thy CORY locks at the Cubs.
stoneWall infield. 1t isn't to blame for
the loss of the pennant
From the Charleston News and Courier
1t Is said that the circus will exhibit at
the ball park. We have had them there
before.
From the Jacksonville Times Union.
All end-of-the-world predictions have
failed. but the end of the base ball season
is sure.
From the indianapolis News.
But what color will that pennant be
after 1t has been waving in the Pittsburs.
breezes for whole season? ~
From the Detroit Journal.
If we can't win games when our oppo-
nentS secure but three hits, what really
is the use of letting George do it,?
From the Toledo Blade.
The world didn't come to an end, and
Toledo didn't win the pennant. These are
two events that we may still look for.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
The CARD CLUBS FIRST MEETING.

The battles for the pickle dish once more are
The Uno Pedro club is first and foremost in
the fray.
1t started of auspiciously. without a sign of
frown.
Good Mrs Green put all at by kissing Mrs.
Brown.
Then Mrs johnson graciously kissed Mrs. Jack
sons lips.
And Mrs. Watson followed suit by kissing Mrs.
Phipps:
Then all formality was dropped, and every one
grew CHEEKY.
When Mrs Rich. the president, called Mrs. BIZ
kins 'dearie.'
I can't describe the sweetness and the tenderness
displayed.
No one remarked that Mrs. Gray was once
lady's maid:
With arms around each others waists they sat
and planned things ont.
And every one loving and no one wore
pout.
I listened to her story. and a gentle smile
I'd heard Of kissing women and of loving ones
before.
And I wondered I heard her rave about the
lovely meeting,
Just which Of them will be first to he accused
of cheating.
Detroit Free Press.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
FOOLISH jim BROWN.

Jim Brown does SO many things
That don't make him a cent.
Don't see how his labor brings
Enough for clothes and rent
Why, he'll fool around and look
Through store all day
Just to find some Kid a book
Such things never pay.
Old Mis- simmons fence was down.
Who fixed IL good and tight!
No one but that fool Jim Brown
Kept at work till night. go,
When she asked him for his bin
He asked what she meant
Such things don't, and never VIII,
Make a man a cent.
Sick folks always do impose
On Jim Brown all the while:
For the doctor off he goes
He trudges mile and mile.
Drops his work. and hurries on
Like twas him twas sick
When some kid has whooping cough
And wants dosing quick.
II he's going down the street
And you want something done.
Say to fetch you up some meat,
Or want an errand run,
Jim'li thank you for the chance
Now he's old and bent
And got patches on his pants:
Never makes cent.
faint good business at all:
His Judgments surely bad.
You or me would say twas gall
He claims 1t makes him glad
Just to do for them that needA
For poor folks and such.
But those charitable deeds
Don't bring him in much.
w. d. Nesbit, In Chicago Evening Po
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
HIS LIMIT.

There isn't any puzzle
That the human mind has planned
So hard he cannot do il
In n jiffy and offhand.
The tricks of the magicians,
He can do them all himself,
And the others he's invented
Simply put them on the shelf.
He makes an egg stand endwse,
And stacks four billiard balls
In the center of the table.
And the top one never falls.
He knows the mystic features
OF the numbers nine and seven,
And can write eleven thousand
'Leven hundred and eleven.
He works the mental problem
or the two geese aud half,
And the theorem binopial
Just simply makes him laugh.
He dopes 1t out by calculus
About the fox and dog
And to calculate eclipses
Is like rolling off a log.
But here's a stunt he cannot do
However hard he tries:
To back his wife around toward the light,
make her stand still. and along up
about the middle of the back OF hel
princess gown. where she can't reach
them overland or underhand. connect
mp thost
Three pesky hooks and eyes.
New York Sun.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
Bryan.

Come, come, Mr.. Bryan. The country
has never associated you with timidity,
or hesitation, or side-stepping, but has
admired you for courage, promptness and
frankness. Senator Joseph Weldon
Bailey wants to meet you in debate. He
is neither aggressive nor uncivil about
it, but his feelings are very plainly man
ifested. Why not meet him? The reason
you give is wholly unsatisfactory. The
real issue would not be lost in the in
terest attaching to the debaters. The de-
baters would be interesting. People
would travel miles to see and hear. But
there would be the tariff for every in
telligent auditor to consider. Take on
Mr.. Bailey. and if nothing more, assist
in giving the country some good enter
tainment Is it for a successful Chau-
tauquan to deride entertainment?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
The FALL.

Vacation time is done for good,
The wheels are turning round.
On every side the busy hum
OF work days brings it's sound.
Past are the idle Longing days,
Past time Of play and jokes.
The days are growing very short.
And SO are folks.
The churches, schools. arc opening,
The public places, too;
Routine * being taken up.
We banshed. rest to WOO:
The chestnut crop Is almost here,
Which Is some. we'll agree
But then the days arc getting dull,
And SO are We.
These first fall days are not so bright.
When year OF work begins,
And often we must pay the cost
or lazy summer sins.
The playtimc II Is with us still
In thought, If not In view:
But leaves are turning in the woods,
In ledgers, too.
baltimore American
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
COST OF LIVING REDUCED.

We kick at the cost Of living,
We prattle OF hardship and dearth.
Yet lawn rakes today may be purchased
At half of their actual worth.
This evening two-gallon freezer
A very small pittance secures.
Tomorrow an elegant trout rod
For only a dollar Is yours.
Oh, why should we rail at the merchants
And say they are treating us wrong,
When fy nets are sold for a quarter
And Panama hats for song?
Newark Newt
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
The ISSUE In TEXAS.

'T-nder which King Bezonan. speak die;
For Bryan or for Bailey. what's your cry"
The victim has notion TO defy
gun full-cocked. but holds his peace; for
why?
He is a suffering man.
Again the call He trombles like dub.
Though bold II armed with pistol with
club;
He can't express himself, ave there's the rub,
And gets no farther than ''B-R-B-uh,
For he's suffering man.
Poor r. -B-ub Bezonian: his grave
They dig beneath the wind swept prairie's wave:
No coward he no sycophant, knave.
But Just a tangle-tonguc whom naught could
save:
This luckless suffering man!
Brooklyn Eagle
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
VARIOUS VERSE
ON TIMELY TOPICS
The APRIL CHILD.

There Is a baby cross tn wsy
That came rainy April day.
An 'csuse II Is April child
Its cryin' drives tn ncighbors wild.
That's what nv mother says to me
II makes her nervous can be,
There goes that child she used 10 say:
II wish its folks would move away
Rut pretty soon there came Q dav
When Ii WAS quiet cross tn way.
II seemed very nice. yon know.
Cause had all been bothered So.
But when looked at ma an said.
MY. amt Ii still,'' she turned her head,
And could ser her blue eyes fl:
THE child she said. lis very III
Then all at once I wished that
Could hear again tn baby cry:
But though ! stood an stood around
I couldn't ketch IN leastest sound
An then heard n squesky cry.
An ma Rugged mel wonder why?
An when tn baby raised yell
We both cried out. shes gcttin' well!'
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
Two Great Educators.

DR.. Angel, for thirty EIGHT years presi-
dent of the University of Michigan. has
followed DR.. Eliot of Harvard into retire
ment. Two educators of International re-
nown, who have served in most respon-
sible places to the lasting benefit Of this
country. Both are entitled to the repose
they have sought, and yet both probably
will continue to be influential factors in
the intellectual life Of America. DR..
Angel has filled two diplomatic posts
and DR.. Eliot has declined one. They are
notable products of our national develop
ment.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
LITTLE ECONOMIES.

Economies are current which
Are even practiced by the rich.
When they'd recoup
From losses into which they're drawn,
They very often feast upon
Terrapin soup.
The rich man only deems II sport
To take in sail when he Is short
or ready cash.
He often lives on frugal fare
And bids the thrifty chef prepare
Venison hash.
Louisville Courier Journa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
AUTUMNAL VERSE.

The autumn odor's in the air
Nay, nay. not that of rotting leaves,
Nor harvest odors rich and rare.
Nor bonfire odor-which SO grieves-
The autumn odor's in the air,
l find 1t not in open fields.
Bur indoors where it's bliss il Yields
The moth ball odor's everywhere.
Boston Traveller
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

The fact that Mr.. Taft spoke in the
Mormon tabernacle is not significant. If
it were some Of the shows produced at
popular theaters would bar serious speak,
ers and lectures from them forevermore.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

BY stocking African lakes with bass
Mr.. Roosevelt has done something that
may go far toward opening up the dark
continent. Your true sportsman does not
care how far he may have to travel If
the prospect of good bass fishing is re-
liza BILE
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

British pride Is moved to call attention
to the fact that Hudson was an English
man. He is one of several Englishmen
whose great deeds failed to secure sup
port from a careless posterty
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

Mr.. Tafts declaration in favor of sim
pie food is sad blow to those who be-
Iieve that the way to a mans heart Is
through his appetite.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
Not for Him.

"You should have faith In human ma
ture." said the man of kindly instincts.
YES" sneered the New York official.
land lose my job as customs inspector"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

Some of Englands society leaders have
no respect whatever for Lord Beresford's
ambition to see his country OH the best
possible terms with the United States.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
A Suggestion.

ITS hard to keep the wolf from the
door, said the poet.
'Why don't you read him some of your
poetry through the keyhole?" inquired
the cruel friend.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
A Freak.

Once more the comets rapid pace
Is puzzling all mankind.
It runs a race through distant space
With its searchlight on behind.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

The career of Steel common calls atten-
ton to the fact that the story about Car
negie's wishing to die poor was long since
registered as a back number.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

The immensely of this country unfortu-
nately prevents the original producer and
the ultimate consumer from getting to-
gether on a wheelbarrow basis when a
car shortage is threatened.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

Archeologists have found some of the
wheat stored in Egypt by Joseph. but not
enough to make any difference to the
Chicago Board of Trade.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

India and Ceylon supply seven-eighths
of the worlds tea. The other one-eighth
is taken care of by Senator Tillman's con-
stituents and a few others.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
Grim Humor,

Did that suffragette gain anything by
trying to starve herself?' asked one Brit
ish statesman.
YES" answered the other. "She &C.
CURED a better appetite than she had
enjoyed in years"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

Some of the Peary supporters are dis
posed to think that 1t is unprofessional
for an explorer.to so to work without is
euing a prospectus.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

The Nardi Gras talent has managed to
secure some advertising from the Hudson
Fulton celebration which should be of
benefit to New Orleans
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

The south pole has always suffered from
a lack of enterprise in its publicity de-
partment.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

In order to hold to his resolve to say
nothing for the present. Peary may find
it necessary to refrain from attending any
of Dr. Cooks lectures.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
SHOOTING STARS.
BY PHILANDER JOHNSO.

Getting Him Where They Want
Him.
.How will we get even with that COL
lege professor who referred to a dash to
the pole as merely a sporting event?"
asked one explorer.
Easily" answered the other. We'll
call him in to act as umpire
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03
FIFTY YEARS AGO
IN THE STAR

Half century ago American travel
abroad was not heavy as compared with
the present day, but oc-
Hotel casionally criticisms were
heard of the American
hotels in their disparage-
ment in comparison OF the hostelr1es or
the old country. In The Star of Sep
TENDER rs. 1850. Is an editorial upon COM
ments of this character:
LAS the taste of our countrymen In
such matters changes-and it is rapidly
changing-the style of American hotel
cooking will change with it, At present
nine-tenths of the population of the
United States prefers overdone lean. of
roast beef, to the finest French pattie con-
ceivable. The truth is we Americans
as a general thing care more for dinner
arrangements that economic the time in
which it may be necessary to eat the din
ner than for the exercise of elaboration and
exquisite taste in its preparation, pro-
viGed IT be composed Of substantial and
wholesome food. Nevertheless to please
the palates of the Travelled one may near
~ always procure an excellent meal
cooked in modern style in almost every
American city hotel The leading hotels
OF this city, for instance. though their
business season exists for but an average
of four and half months per year, are
always well kept as any reasonable per-
son could possibly desire. In the course
Of our extensive tour of this season. we
found no hotel in all respects equal to
that of our fellow citizens, the brothers
Willard. which is capable of accommodate
ing comfortably and elegantly as many
guests as any other in the United States.
with the exception of perhaps two in New
York city"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-03

declares. is a revolution like that of the
PARTY Of Jaures in France. In any event
the lords should not permit the budget to
be voted unless the country Is con-
suited.
The Somerset reporter., 1909-02-18
.: The News of S0mersets Busy Towns ~


"Of the thousand and eight things
left at hotels from time to time" re-
marked the hotel clerk. razor strops
have the other commodities pushed
across the border in point Of numbers.
About 10 per cent of the people who
have razor strops in their grips leave
them behind OF course the reason is
that the strop is hanging up on nail
out Of sight somewhere when the man
packs up, and he doesn't think about
It, His comb and brush are right on
the dresser before him, and that's
easy.
Next to razor strops. though not
hustling the strops for position come
the nighties of both genders. A good
many send back after them, but lot
more people who leave them behind
just abandon them. After so long we
give them to charitable institutions.
Then there are toothbrushes, slippers,
combs, curling irons, soap boxes,
clothesbrushes and a list of other
things left behind longer than an ex-
pense account every month. People
are just that forgetful. New York
Press
The Somerset reporter., 1909-02-18
Learning English.

The essential difference between the
Specification of words and terms In the
English tongue which are almost the
same in etymology and origin is a
great element Of difficulty to foreign
er who is learning the Language, q fact
to which certain attache of foreign
mission at Washington recently testi-
fed
When the budding diplomatlst in
question arrived at our national capt.
tai year or two ago he soon capitu-
lated to the charms of n young woman
of the official set, and they speedily
became the best Of friends. A month
or SO ago the attache returned to this
country after a lengthy leave Of abb
sence passed in his own land. About
the first thing he did on reaching
Washington was to send n note to the
lady of his admiration, wherein, to her
establishment and Indignation, he gave
expression to this sentiment:
"Once more, my dear friend, | shall
gaze upon your unmatched eyes,
Harper's Magazine.
The Somerset reporter., 1909-02-18
CORNNilLE.

The friends and neighbors of Lean
der Bigelow gathered at his home one
day recently and gave him surprise
party in honor of his 10Th birthday.
Sadie Flanders was at home over
Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Harlon Rowell and
three children were visitor, at S. l..
Flanders last Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Will Wescott and
daughter Myrtle, spent last Sunday in
Athens.
Elmer Trask is at work for Walter
Mcclure.
Ralph Collins is working in the
woods for Flanders and Yves colt.
Vernon Allen has gone to Lewiston.
Mr.. G. s. Moody is very sick at this
writing.
John Corson of Hartland was in
town few days last week.
Miss Gladys Walter returned to her
school in North New Portland last
Saturday after vacation of two
weeks.
The worst storm of the winter made
us visit last Monday and Tuesday.
The Somerset reporter., 1909-02-18
BINGHAM.

The Congregationalist church cir
Gle will meet this week, Wednesday
afternoon with Mrs. George Baker.
Bonnie Miller was in Portland few
days of last week.
Eugene Lander has been home from
Colby recently, returning this week.
John Cahill has moved his family
in the Frank Hunnewell house re-
Gently occupied by Ed. Fogg and
family.
r. c. Carter a student OF Colby
College preached at the Cong. Church
last Sunday from Cor. 1913. Mr..
Carter will continue to supply the
pulpit on Sundays for the coming
weeks.
/ The Sunshine Society will serve a
supper consisting of hulled corn, cold
meats, salads, cakes etc. on Washing
toms birthday, Monday, Feb. 22nd.
Social in the evening.
A. p. Murray returned last week
/ from Boston with some horses he had
purchased and was on the freight
/ train which was partly derailed and
nearly wrecked near Falmouth. No
persons were injured, but horse was
]
Murray.
There was large number present
at the Bingham Grange meeting last
Saturday and very interesting pro-
gram was presented on the life and
character of Lincoln.
Last Friday evening the w, G. T. U.
assisted by the schools held Lincoln
memorial meeting in the Cong.
church.
! No school Tuesday on account of
| the big storm. Noon train was more
than an hour late aud all freight
! trains were cancelled.
/ The snow storms of this winter
/ have come under 50 low a tempera-
/ ture that it has been impossible for
the lumbermen to keep good wagon
sled roads and in consequence but
very little lumber has been landed
compared with same time in former
years. Two feet more cold dry snow
which came Monday and Tuesday
made good roads all the further out
of sight. 1t was very good yarding
the first of the winter and there Is
still larger amount of lumber in the
woods and will remain there unless
there Is uncommonly good weather
from now on.
Paul Gates, Mrs. Carl Gates and
family, Lem Robinson, Ethel and Lin
ME Baker visited Fred Bakers camp
at Dead Water last Sunday. Mrs. Lin
coin Baker who is the cook, served
them fine dinner to which they did
justice, and they returned home in
the evening after nc ost enjoyable
trip.
The Reuben Glue Company whose
posters did not state price of admis-
sion charged, 25, IS and 30 cents and
played to a crowded house on Satur-.
day night;all but three back rows of
seats were reserved. An extra
charge of 10 cents was made for
concert following the performance.
On Monday night the company had
very small attendance.
The Somerset reporter., 1909-02-18
The Origin of the Periwio.

The periwig. which played so impor-
tant part in the toilet of a man of
fashion during part of the seventeenth
and eighteenth centuries, owed its orr
gin to Louis XIV. Of France. When n
little boy Che succeeded to the throne
at five years Of age) he possessed a
profusion of remarkably beautiful
waving hair which fell in clustering
curls over his shoulders. The courtiers
initiated the boy king by having heads
of false hair to initiate his natural
locks, and when Louis grew up he
adopted the periwig himself.
During the reign Of William and
Mary periwigs were worn in exagger-
ated dimensions. and the beaux used
to comb their wigs in public with spe-
cial combs of ivory and tortoise shell,
which became at last quite indispensa-
BILE to these fine gentlemen.