davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-12-09
Obe Jct!ersontan
Teasing the Preachers
NUMBER TWO

communities. Inc country people don't need
any fddles, pianos, guitars, plccolos, comets
and "sich", to bring them to the meeting
house. No Sir! The rural preacher keeps in
touch with the common folks, feels the heart
throb of his congregation, and knows how to
talk to it. His sermons are not SO rhetorical
as those delivered by the g-salary minister
in the city church; but they carry more COM
fort to the afflicted more persuasion to the
Indifferent, more satisfaction to those who be-
lieve that religion should be iUed, as we'll as
professed.
Yes, the country parson is loved, and he
doesn't have to resort to operate devices to
get the folks to come and listen to his sermon.
But you city fellows-you make us all
tired. You actually advertise, IN the neaospa-
pers, that you aciU giue a ffteera-moimute con-
cert before you begin diviaae services. The
song-worship consists of the performance By
the paid MINISTRIES, politely called "the
Choir" These salarled Ministries furnish all
the music. The congregation does not sing
at all.
Charles Wesley, Watts, Newman, and many
others, composed hymns which were intended
to be used devotionally. The hymn was a
part OF the worshlp-a most beautiful and
influential part. Few things are more in
spring than the devotional melody of
large congregation. The country people do
their own singing, yet. Generally, there is
some one of the deacons, or elderly members,
whose prescriptive right to ''hoist the hymn
is recognized by all. After this leader of
musical service the whole flock follows
everybody joining in the solemn chant which
often arouses the deepest emotions.
In my own case, [ have found congrega-
tlonal singing influencing me far more pro
foundly than any sermon ever did,
Rut in coma Of tho biu oitioc +bot Sc q +l;vc.
of the past The paid minstrels furnish all
the melody: the congregation SITS IN silence,
enjoying aoh0t they 6uy, justas they do at the
theatre
Say, Parson, isn't that pretty bad sign?
After you "convert" all the heather, are they
going to quit singing hymns? Will they hire
minstrels, as we are doing?
Last Sunday night, in our Baptist Church,
In Thomson, we pulled off concert, in which
there were two fiddles, piccolo, piano,
guitar, and a cornet
If Paul and Peter had risen from the dead,
and had desired to worship with us, that
night, and had entered our tabernacle what
do you suppose they would have thought and
said?
Parson! If you were to cut out all that
tweedle -deeing on the catguts all the footing
on the horns, all the banging on the pianos,
all the stunning on the guitars, all the
blowing into flutes and piccolos-ao7tat aoouzd
happen?
Would the people quit coming to church
If you answer "No'', I then beg gov to er-
plain WHY you 90 into this concert business
If you answer dyes, then ask you qoheth-
er SUCH church-goiaag IS acoath enough to
ac0aTant the e1pense of 6an1ding and oper-
ating SUCH churches.
You are moving heaven and earth to get
money to send into heathendom. Your cry
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-12-09
Farmers! You Are BETRAYED

Farmers! You Are Betrayed
In the Republican Ship-Subsidy paper,
The CO-operator, of Dallas, Texas appears
this item
tom Watson is urgently advising the farmers
to sell their cotton now Tom need not be
awfuly afraid that the farmers won't get IA cents
for their stuff month from now. Again the
farmers are beginning to learn that there is
ey in holding and that if they don't need the
money they had just as well hold off the market
and make an additional profit, that is sure to
come, as to sell and let the scalper and the
chant get the benefit. 1t looks like your Uncle
Thomas is trying to drag the Union into
kind of political game 1t won't work. Tommy
boy. You are all right but you can't convince the
members of the Union that they should sell their
cotton and invest in politics as body"
Did you ever read anything more idiotic?
The two editors of The Co-operator are
working for a millionaire, by the name of
c. d. Remers. Their boss IS an IONA Repu6-
hcGn. No wonder he has no love for ''Tom
Watson.
Yes, l do urge farmers to sell their cotton
The editor who advises them to hold, when
they can sell at 141a cents, has some 0ue to
grind.
The same Farmers Union Big likes who
got the farmers to hold 12-cent cotton, in
1907-tO the utter ruin of thousands-aqe
moa0 playing the same dangerous game,
again.
Suppose, as this foolish paragraph does,
that you can get as much for cotton, a month
from now, aOhy should y0u lose the interest,
insurance and storage? Why take such risks?
| can see why the warehousemen, usurers and
insurance men want you to hold cotton
THEIR profits on holding yOur cotton are fned
and CERTAIN But yours are uncertain-iust
as much SO as though you acre betting on q
hOrSe-TGce; or on aOeGther conditions neat
spring.
When these two editors, Neil and McRae,
speak of my trying to drag the Unions into
some kind of political game, can you not see
the purpose of the ridiculous insinuation?
They hare azzoDed their rich Republican
boss to drag them o0er to the Republican
ShipSu6sidy, and they fire at ME-, to Keep
you from acatchdng THEM.
The last line of their precious paragraph
is the limit of editorial imbecility. How
could the farmers 'seU their cotton and IN
rest IN politics IN a 6ody'?
Such a statement could emanate from no
other source than from a Farmers Union
paper that has sold out to an Iowa Republi-
can, or one which is advertising shares of
stock in Percheron stud
MY disinterested and earnest advice to the
farmers is to close at 14113 cents nOao, pay off
their debts, and face the tasks of New Year
with no uncertainties about cotton to keep
them anxious and worried next spring. In
other words-a bird in the hand is worth two
in the bush.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-12-09

Boys, won't you fair fight? Make
those Union City Would-be Bosses meet me in the
open. Make them stop this private-letter and
secret-meeting policy. THEY ARE DUPING YOU
WITH LIES.
Make THEM FIGHT FAIR!
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-12-09

REMIT7ANCES mast be made in money orders
exchange Local checks cannot be accepted unless
fen cents is aided for exchange.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
HE HAD NO OBJECTIONS.


Michael Quinn. the bright page in SUI
perior court No. . who was recently ele-
waited to the position Of clerk of that court
because he was competent, had new
duty to perform tbs other day.
DR. Hubbard, a MOoreSVilie Quaker, was
asked 10 take the witness stand IN q cas-
beng tried. and Clerk Quinn was asked
TO swear him IN as a witness quinn pc
gan TO rattle Off the oath. when Dr. Hub
bard stopped him. saying he would afflrm
Although he had never been asked TO al
firm a witness before. quinn was not to
be caught mapping. He had studied the
words 10 be repeated in affirming a VII
ness. which are as follows:
Il do soiemnly affirm that l VIII tel
the truth the whole truth and nothing but
the truth, under the pains and penalties
Of perjury"
Quinn repeated the words as if he were
an old hand at the business, but he mads
q slight mistake in the last word rms
is what he said,
Il do solemnly affirm that l will tell
the truth. the whole truth and nothing but
the truth, under the pains and penaltles
Of purgatory-
The Quaker, who was holding up his
hand nodded his head in affirmation.
Judge feathers saw the attorneys smll-
ing and feeling that things were not eX-
actly right called Quinn TO him and asked
him TO repeat the words.
Mr. Witness" said Judge feathers,
you have affirmed that you viii tell the
truth under the pains and penalties of
purgatory. Have you any objection TO
that2'
The Quaker said he did not object and
the trial proceeded
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
WORKING ON A NEW IDEA.

The insurance companies are figur-
ing on a new idea. In view of the fact
that for years before they are aware
that their condition is not normal, many
men are afflicted with some disease
which finally carries them off, il is pro-
posed that each policyholdcr be exam
ined at least once in each five years by
the physicians OF the company carry
ing the risk. 1t is assumed that every
man wants to live as long as he can,
and that if the physicians discover any
thing wrong as the result of such ex-
animation the afflicted individual will
at once take steps TO preserve his
health. The company, of course, would
benefit by postponing the time for pay
ment of the policy ana the premiums
that would accrue.
Perhaps the pOlicyholder would re-
fuse to undergo the examinations, but
it would be a mark of wisdom on his
part to submit. Anyway, the scheme
looks sensible from the point of view Of
the insurance man.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
THE TEMPERANCE WAVE.

There are only four states and one
territory in the Union where the people
are not permitted to vote on the ques-
ton of liquor or no liquor. OF the four
states, three are located in the noun
tain region-Utah, Nevada and Wyo-
ming. The other is Pennsylvania, on
the Atlantic coast, and the territory
which is run wide OPEN is New Mex
leo. The Philadelphia North American
has published a map Of the United
States which is highly instructive as re-
CARDS the local option movement The
same paper also printed specials" from
the various state capitals regarding
the war on the saloon. Under a Salt
Lake date the following appeared:
Although petitions carrying an aggre-
gate of 1000 signatures we're presented at
the recent session of the legislature in the
interest of prohibition. nothing was &C
cOmplished in the way of actual legisla-
ton. A measure providing for local option
and strict regulation finally passed both
houses, only to be vetoed by Governor
William STTy.
It was charged by Republican members
on the floor of both houses of the leg
loidtuit lAldt the readers OF the hepub-
hcan party in Utah had given the liquor
interests immunity from diverse 1egisla-
ton at this session for $4,000.
The prohibition movement Is being fos-
tered openly by leading dignitaries Of
the Mormon church, and d prohibition res
olution passed at the semi-e lnual confer
enCe last fall was powerful influence in
bringing the question TO ar issue before
the legislature. The Morn ans have
formed an organization known as the Re
publican Prohibition league, which pro-
poses to keep up the fight during the next
TWO years.
So the fame of the deal made in last
falls campaign is spreading over the
land. The Republican Prohibition
league. alleged to have been formed by
the Mormons to keep up the fight dur
ing the next two years, is not working
overtime to keep up the agitation. The
other league, with headquarters in the
federal building, will make the neces-
sary arrangements for the Republican
party in the next campaign, as it has in
the past, and the ticket will be voted
without any ifs" or lands" on the part
Of the Republicans, either Mormon or
Gentle
The prohibition excitement seems to
have died an early death in this state,
and it is doubtful if it cuts much figure
a year from next November.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
WHAT NOT TO DO.

The city health department Of Chi
eago has formulated a set of sugges-
tons for the benefit Of the public in an
effort to check the spread of contagious
diseases Following are some of them:
Don't belittle the gravity of A sore
lay.
Don't think that every attack Of vom-
ting and breaking out of the skin Is
que 70 overlooking Of the stOmaCh-fol-
low the same course 5 above
Don't let the good women Of the neigh
oorhood diagnose what disease your child
is suffering from.
Don't seek immunity from the OBJ
servance OF health regulations
Don't put the well children with the
sick-as is the practice in many ignorant
families-sO that they may catch the dis
ease and be over with it 1t is a dan
gerous pra ctice. Contrary to all reason and
principle, resulting in the needless sacrf-
flee of many lives and the pitifuI Grip
ping of many that survive
The advice given above might profit
ably be followed by the fathers and
mothers Of salt Lake.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24

Abou Ben-zoate tmay his tribe de-
creaseD
AwoIze one night amid the graft and
grease
And saw within the cannery's deeD gloom
A demon writing in the book Of doom.
Exceeding nerve Ben-Zoate now possest.
And thus the sOOty visitor addrest:
What writest thou?' The demon raised
his head
Saying. with shrewd from his thievish
eyes,
The names of them vino love the Prince
OF Lies
And is mine theree'' quoth Abou.
Nay" he said.
But I shall write whate'er thou wilt in
stead"
And Abou sweetly said, I am content:
Write me. pray, 'Oue-tenth of One per
cent
The demon wrote and went; but the next
night
He came again. and by a Pickering light
He showed their names that met the
Devils test;
And, To- Ben-Zoate's name led all the
rest
ID. c. in Indianapolis News.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
WILLIAM M. STEWART.

Death has removed another one of
the Argonauts who sought and gained
wealth in California sixty years ago.
News comes from Washington that
William NJ. Stewart is dead, being I'M
able TO Withstand the shock of a surgi-
cal operation. Senator Stewart belonged
to the old guard Of the Pacific coast
and is the last of that famous band Of
men to pass from earth, with the ex-
ception of John P. Jones. who although
thirty years a senator from Nevada
and many times millionaire. is not
associated in the public mind with John
". Maekay, Hearst, Fair. Sharon,
Stanford, Croker, Flood and O'Brien
and the others whose names were
household words all over the country a
generation ago.
Senator Stewart was born at Lyons,
n. Y, Aug. 9. 1927, and therefore had
nearly completed his eighty-second
year He resided in Ohio in his early
childhood and left Yale college to, join
the stampede to California, arriving at
San Francisco in May, 1850. He en-
gagged in mining and accumulated a
comfortable fortune. He studied law.
was admitted to the bar and served as
district attorney and attorney general
Of California. In 1850 he went to Ne
vada and took up the practice of his
profession, acquiring an interest in the
famous Comstock lode, the exceeding
richness Of which made multi-million-
Aires of men whose descendants are
leaders i'm the social and financial life
Of the United States today. In 1868
Nevada was admitted as a state owing
70 political eXigencies then existing. and
Stewart was sent to the federal senate.
retaining his seat until 1873. Upon re-
firing he resumed the practice of law,
but was again called to the senate in
1887. finally losing his place i'm 1905.
Senator Stewart was man Of con-
siderable ability, as well as a pictur-
esque character. He made and spent
several fortunes, and upon leaving the
political arena for the last time went
~ DAiAAAH6 10 btsAu lLt anew WQen
nearly four score years of age. Now
that he has passed on, many interesting
incidents in his career will be brought
10 notice, and many sidelights thrown
upon the early days in the mining
camps Of California and Nevada. Old
residents Of Utah will recall the fact
that Senator Stewart was attorney for
the men who disposed of the Emma
mine in this state thirty-five or forty
wears ago 10 an English syndicate for
S5.0oO,O00 or more. Outside Of legal mat
ters, he had wide circle of acauaint-
ances in Zion, and was generally re-
garded as one of the leaders in the
Golden West
Senator Stewart occupied a position
which he carved out for himself. and
his place win not be filled
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24

Hughitt Of the Chicago & Northwestern
q telegrapher. Harris OF the Chicago.
Burlington & Quincy an office boy,
TrUmbuil a clerk.
1t is so in the other walks Of life.
Humble beginnings are the rule and not
the exception. There is plenty Of op-
poTtunity for youth of the right spirit
to rise in the world today. The COM
petition is keen, but success will follow
earnest effort Let ne boy be ashamed
Of beginning at the foot of the ladder.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
GAME FROM THE RANKS.

The men who are now at the head of
the great railway systems Of this coun-
try, as well as some Of those who have
passed on, did not traverse a royal road
TO the topmost positions. Z. II. Har-
riman was originally a broker, Brown
a section hand, Shonts water carrier,
McCrea and Cassatt Todmen. Hill a
freight handler on a packet boat. Thorn
as of the Lehish q telegrapher, Baer a
railway attorney, Underwood of the
Erie a switchman, Ripley CT the Santa
Fe clerk. HaTahan a switchmau,
Truesdsle OF the Lackawanna a clerk
Mellen a clerk, YOakum a brakeman,
Earring Of the Chicago, Milwaukee &
st. Paul a telegraph operator, Murray
OF the Baltimore & Ohio a ticket agent,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
SOMETHING 10 THINK oE.

u
1t is essentially that a nation which con
sumes 135,000,O00 gallons of whisky an
nually should know something of wha
goes into its manufacture.--FrOm a Worls
editorial.
Oh think of the fine mint-juleps
That a sSilfUl hand could make
With all of those millions of gallons
And the thirst that they would slake.
And thlnk OF the festive highballs
That fizz in the tall. slim glass,
And figure out just how many
Would come from that juicy mass.
And think of the cheering cocktails
That tone up your system strong,
And furnish the reinfOrcements
To hustle the others along.
And think of the whisky sours
That take off the scum of the bile,
Uplifting you 10 a region
Where even the hopeless smile.
And think of the tempting toddy
That falls as the hOneydew
On the lips Of roses and lilies
When the frosts OF winter are trough.
And think Of the plain straight WHISTLES
With nothing to change the taste
Excepting goblet of water
With which the same may be chased
And think of the numerous other
PotatiOns that lie concealed
In the golden flood of those gallons
Awaiting TO be revealed.
And think OF the dreams of pleasure
That come in the liquors train.
The visions of rapture and beauty
That hide all the sorrow and pain.
And think of the subtle fancies
That work through the whisky's spell
say. think Of the heaven in whisky,
And likewise
Think
OF
The
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
BUFFERS BoY JARS BISHOP.
Chicago Inter ocean,

At an unusually large dinner party,
where the guest Of honor was an English
bishop, the butler, an elderly man, was
obliged to bring in from a friends house
an inexperienced lad TO help him in the
dining-roOm. The awkward helper an
noyed the butler beyond endurance with
questions as to his duties.
He continued interminsbly until the
butler, wornVout and nervous, said. iron
ically:
"All you need to do is to stand behind
the bishops chair and whenever his lord
ship puts down his glass you must reach
over and wipe his mouth with napkin.
That silenced his assistant. But the
young man actually took the order ser
ioJisly, and as soon as the dinner began he
stationed himself behind the bishop,
waited till his lordship had drunk and put
down his glass, and then as deliberately
as his nervousness would permit. he
opened out a large napkin and wiped the
dignified old Sentleman's mouth.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
MAN WITH LONGEST NAME.

= man who is said to have carried
around with him the longest name in
the world was drowned at Paducah,
KY, one day last week.
His fun name was Arthur Hugh
Thomas T, Dewitt Talmage Hardin
Eddy Lane Arland Lime Marion
Branch Sam Jones Pigg Reuben Walker
Chiles. He was the son of Rev. r. c.
Chiles, superintendent of the rescue
mission of Paducah, and each name was
for some preacher Of note.
That goes United States Centennial
Jensen several better and then some.
It is not known how the Kentucky man
happen TO drown, but it is reasonable
to suppose that he jumped into the
river to get rid of the handicap i'm
posed upon him by a fool father.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
HE COULD NOT TELL A LIE.
Baltimore SUM-

The late Professor Rowland of Johns
Hopkins university was the most eminent
physicist since the days of Joseph Henry.
Among his notable achievements in the
realm of pure science was the calculation
Of the mechanical equivalent of heat and
the use OF gratings in spectrum analysis,
for which purpose he devised machine
that could cut 1900 lines to the inch on a
plate of polished metal. In the practical
application of his knowledge he was noted
as the inventor of the mutiplex tele-
graph apparatus.
Some years ago. testifying in a case in
Vilving the Cataract Power company, in
answer to question on crOss-eXamination
al to who. in his opinion. was the great
est American scientist, he replied, Il am.
After leaving the court room one of the
lawyers ventured to criticise this answer
for its effect upon the jury, whereupon
Rowland explained:
well. what else could 1 say? Wasn't
I under oath -
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
cows STRANGE BEHAVIOR.

dayton Cor. Columbus Dispatch)
When one Of the Tenders of the city
railway cars picked up a young heifer at
the corner of Third and Jersey streets
the conductor filled out the required re-
port blank to Superintendent Edward
Howell. In answer to the question, What
did the victim say2" the employee wrote:
She was carried along on the fender for
short distance, then rolled off, and ran
aWay without saving a word. -
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
PAYING PoLITENEss.


"Peliteness." said Senator Gallinger, in
the hope of stilliHg a rather acrimonious
argument in a clubrOom. always pays
His flushed listeners looked up at him
in inquiry. and he smiled and repeated,
"Politeness always pays. Two little girls
7 knew were seated before q plate con-
tanning two punches Of grapes-one very
large and tempting and perfect bunch,
and the other small and hard and green.
The two little girls looked at the two
punches for a space Of silence Then the
polite child said.
" Is 90 gweedy?'
" NO the other answered. Is not a
bit gweedy.'
% .Then-- said The first 900 chnnse-. -
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
JUDGING BY APPEARANCES.

'1Outl NONnDauiOn-b
Titles OF books are misleading, espe-
c:any II YOU do not look within The
story is told OF a man. the brother Of a
scientist. who went to a bOokshop TO buy
a present He told the clerk that he want
ed some kind Of q volume dealing with
natural history to give TO his brother, q
zooIOgist Could he recommend one?
The clerk glanced over the shelves with
z knowing air. At last ne pulled down d
book.
This would interest him.. ne remarked.
IL is by one Of our best authors
LET me see IT, said the purchaser.
The clerk handed Il to him. On the
back. in large letters. was the word An
thOlogy."
All about ants" commented the clerk.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24
Total Copies of The Herald Printed
in March. 1909.

<%&%%<% -
= Largest Daily and Sunday cir =
> culation in Salt Lake proved by =
, investigation. y
= = 4 80 ~ y y y , y
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24

The three graces. Spry. Callister and
Booth, have called at the White House.
presumably To square themselves for
interference in politics while holding
down federal jobs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24

Patten is quietly hunting and fish
ing in the wilds of New Mexico. far
from the madding crowd. He managed
to create quite a commotion before go
ing on his vacation, however.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-24

Senator Aldrich paraded his patriot
ism in a speech the other day. When a
Republican talks about the flag and the
civil war, the people usually take
warning. 1t means higher tariff taxes,
a ship subsidy or a raid on the treasury
It's the tariff in the case Of Aldrich.