The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-12-05
HOTEL CLERK ON OUR
 FRIEND THE HOOKWORM
BY IRWIN S. COBB.

chopped up fine. But the text Informed me that it was correct and realistic DOT trait of a hookworm. taken from life.
 "Then I picked upa newspaper and instead of the usual supply of crime and three minute divorces, and other in- teresting topics, I found a long, signed article telling what the bOokworm was doing to discourage feverish activity among our old or southern families. l went to a theatre expecting to find the regular musical comedy menu for the tired business man-supe, ham ana broller-and stout comedian lined up m front of show girl chorus of ex-Amazon- ians, suffering from spear carriers hip, and sang a dainty little ditty entitled Batting My Hook With a Worm Way Down By Sandy Hook amid tremen- dous applause. And finally here came John D. Esquire, with his challenge for a finish fight, winner to take all.
 "Bt it's question in my mind whether his friends down south want the hook worm dispossessed from their midst by a. rank outsider from the north. From what I can learn, intimate association with Brer Hoolxworm and his interesting household is productive of a most sooth- ing languor. The owner of one of these pleasant little domestic pets doesn't care whether school keeps or not He's as restful as a court policeman. All he craves is the shady side of the house, a couple of hound pups for company and 8 little bait of hoecake la pellagra three times a day Sometimes he won't even drink coffee for breakfast because it's liable to keep him awake all morning. Just give his wife all the washing she can do and let his kids have steady places on the night shift in a cotton mill and he's too happy for words His great est physical exertion is voting the dem coratic ticket once year. But just pie ture whatll happen to his peace of mind when some Yankees comes around and deprives him of his private zoo. My poor man. says the interfering stranger you have been freed of you afflotion You are no longer @ slave. Go forth and seek employment But the hookwormer won't agree with him He'll resent being filled with sudden and uncomfortable restlessness that'll start him out hust- ling for job. With him slavery and work are synonymous and if anything work is the more synonymous of the two."
 Well, anyway, these here philanthro- pists do a lot for the poor people," put in the House Detective.
 They do tndeed,' said the Hotel Clerk, "a lot for them and whole lot more to them. For example, now, while Kind Old Gray John D. Is planning to drive the hookworm from his happy home and deprive him and his family of the little scomf1ts and kickshaws to which him and his family have been accustomed. one of his side line companies is engaged in lacking up the price of milk in New York to { point where the children. of the poor won't be gorging themselves to ex- cess on that dangerous fluid. It's grand system of philanthropy by means of which he doesn't lose any real money. Somebody said once, a few years back, that philanthropist was . party who pursuaded you to give your own money to somebody that didn't want 1t. But our new school of philanthropists have that scheme whittled to a splinter. The g they hand back to you makes 1S times as much noise as the $20 they take away from you. The two-spot' sounds like minstrel band marching down Main street but the $20 moves off as silently as trained nurse with her shoes off pouring soothing syrup into rubber spoon.
 ''As for this hookworm proposition, it seems to mo after reading up on the symptoms. that it's . grave mistake to think that the troubles confined to any one section Of our land The way I figure 1t out ws's got it The doctors