The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-22
THE PERKINS FAMILY.
Just Why Mr.. Perkins Hasn't Laid in
Ten Tons of Coal.

Mr.. Perkins had been reading and
smoking for half an hour, while Mrs.
Perkins darned holes in the heels of
stockings and the cat purred content
dly on the hearth, when all of sud
cen there was a break in the pleasant
monotony.
"Mr. Perkins" quietly observed Mrs.
Perkins, ARE you aware that this Is
he month of October?''
ut surely is" he replied, as he laid
down his paper with a yawn. Eyes, it
is October. and what were you going
% say about it?'
Please turn to the middle of last
'Tis DONE
''See if you find anything there
about buying coal for this winter hile
'he 18th of April. as here recorded.
we had a very warm day. On that
cay, also. the last of the coal was
used up and I said | would get no
Promised my dear second wife
that by, October / of this fall I would
have ten tons of the latest, incest coal
u, the cellar
That's the entry, my dear. and did
you wish to make any remarks about
il?''
Els the coal in the cellar? It's. a
good while after the first. but when l
was down in the cellar an hour ago I
Gid not see ten tons of COAL
mo? But there are reasons for it,
.drs. Perkins. 1 have those reasons at
and. In fact. I have been wondering
why you had not spoken before. 1
never do anything without a reason.
If had bought the ten tons of coal
there would have been a reason for
cuying; I have not bought, and there
Is also a reason. I will proceed to
state -Si--
7"Ol1, you are going to wriggle out
81 it. of course she protested.
My dear second wife
"Stop it. Must / be continually re-
minded that 1 am your second wife?
know I am, and pity your first wife,
End that's enough. You can go to
reading again
But charges affecting my integrity
have been made by you. Mrs. Perkins.
and You must grant me a show to re-
flute them. In the first place, it was a
warm April day. The winter was over
and there was no more coal to be
bought I naturally felt serious. I
vas willing to promise anything. Octo-
Der seemed five years ahead. The only
wonder is that 1 didn't make it twenty
TINS"
Eyes was rather surprised that you
didn't. and that you didn't promise
new carpet and set of dishes at the
same time
about the first of June. Mrs
Perkins, when passing a coal yard. 1
stepped in to ask the man about de-
livering the 10 tons. He gave a
pointer 1t was that coal bought and
stored in the cellar before the first of
January loses Is per cent of it's heat
He advised me not to lose it. He said
If John D. Rockefeller wanted to lose
it it was all right, but 1 was a friend
and a poor man. Do we want to
throw away Is per cent of our coal in
the winter. Mrs. Perkins?'
That's all NONSENSE
ST looked upon it that way myself
at first. and I went to a chemist to
see about it. He not only assured me
that the coal man was right. but that
keeping over ton of coal in the cell
lar at once was very dangerous to the
people living over it. on account of
the gases arising. My dear Mrs. Per-
kins do you think I want to wake up
some morning and find you dead of
coal gas beside me? Am I that kind
of man? Does such heart beat in
this breast?"
There. there. Mr. Perkins-drop
your heroics and go TO wriggling
again, I am no poor little first wife
sit so happened that I met old Doc
tor Skidder the same day. and the fol-
lowing conversation ensued:
Doctor, what about 10 tons of coal
in the cellar?''
"'Put it there if you want to be a
widower again within a month. This
custom of laying coal. in advance is
Staying it's tens of thousands every
year
".At what season should the win
ter coal be laid in. Doctor?"
".At no season. When the winter
comes buy half ton at a time. Never
buy over ton at once. and always
wait until the last scuttle is out before
you give another order
Doctor. have you seen Mrs. Per-
kins lately?''
"Yes; met her the other dav. She
/ was not looking so we'll as she ought.
A few shifts of coal gas will send her
to bed to die. Remember, only half
ton at a time
.'That was the conversation. dear,
and do you wonder that came home
determined not to run the risks, Had
I gone ahead and bought and stored
you might be in your grave tonight
Eyes. and the next time I see the
doctor 1 shall call him an idiot! Any
thing more. Mr.. Perkins %
"Of course. Ten tons of coal in a
Tin in the cellar is almost certain to
tart spontaneous combustion. It might
+art day or night-when we are in our
1sds or out The first we would know
Of it would be an explosion. You
-aight be standing just right to have
| :-our head blown off out of the window
| end over the fence. If not that, then
| the house would be burned for sure.
| The loss of $4,000. Would it pay to
| lose that sum for the sake of having
:. @ tons of coal in the cellar?''
"Oh, nor was the sarcastic reply.
tI might be over town to get the