davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Knew His Limitations.

81 proph'sied he'd make 4 living"
Mr.. Hobart said, speaking Of New
York painter who spent summer at
his farm, because he knew what he
could do, little as twas, and didn't try
to Fly too high.
Yes Mr. Hobart continued, with q
thoughtful smile, you couldn't get
him to attempt any foolish flights.
AL that summer he set out in the hen
yard, painting hens, or else out back
o. the barn, painting pigs. And when
l said to him. Look a-here, when Abe
Fowler comes to paint the house III
get him to show you how and let you
take a hack at the side end. where
'tWon't show so much and allow it on
your board be just shook his head
and smiled that kind o gentle, sorrow
full smile O his. and says he: I couldn't
think of it, NJ. Hobart. should just
ruin the looks O. the house. I'll keep
to the pigs and the hens, for I know
my limitations
"Well, twas real relief to me, for
I suppose likely he would have botch-
ed the job consid' able And I said to
him then real hearty, Young man,
you'll earn your living yet. for you
amt all ct up with pride and ambi-
tion,' and my words have come true,
by what hear."-Youth's Companion.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
First Giraffe In Europe.

Dr.. Johnson, as is well known, re-
fused for many months to believe in
the Lisbon earthquake. and Parisians
formerly were just as skeptical as to
the existence Of the giraffe, new spec
linen Of which has just been added to
the JarGin des Plantes. The earliest
specimen Of these gentle creatures was
seen in Paris in the reign Of Louis
XVI. We learn from a French con-
temporary that the giraffe was first
heard Of in 1877, when it was de-
scribed by a Frenchman named Le-
valiant, who had journeyed in the
lands Of the Hottentots and Kafirs.
When the explorer referred to the an
imals with the long necks he was look
ed upon as a Munchausen and told
that he was such in not the politest
language. It was only when some liy-
ing specimens arrived in the French
capital that Levaillant's reputation for
veracity was re-established, and then
the animals for long time formed the
sensation Of Paris, not only among the
multitude. but in all scientific circles
London Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Costly Law Robes.

An English judges outfit in the way
Of robes imposes heavy tax upon the
newly appointed judge, although the
cost IS not nearly so great as it was
in the early days Of Queen Victoria.
Then it was the custom for the law
luminaries to attend court functions
in figured damask silk gowns, with
costly lace bands and rufdes. Thesi-
ger, celebrated legal. dignitary Of
that day, is said on one occasion to
have spent f1O0 on bands alone. The
lord chancellor's robes cost something
like s15O, and even a judges stockings
are an expensive item The wardrobe
Of a judge costs anything from $500
to E6OO, and if the newly hedged "my
lord" is attached to the kings bench
division be viii require five gowns, a
girdle. q scarf, a casting hood, a black
cap, a three cocnered cap, q beaver
hat, a cooked hat, a silk hat, lace
bands and two full court suits, swords,
ETC., to keep up the majesty Of the
law.-London Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
"The liaht That Failed"

A wealthy Riverina sQuatter, now
departed, as he used to phrase it, ITO
the great muster" was noted almost
as much for bis Attic wit as for his
parsimony. BE also suffered very
badly and helped along his hating ut
terance with frequent ejaculation of
Dye see? Dye see?" His niggardly
traits gained him widespread local IN
popularity and the bitter enmity Of
sundowners, who were always vigor-
ously refused rations at his stations.
Smarting under this unusual inhos-
pitality, some disappointed swaggerers
once set fire to one Of the squatter's
wool sheds and then wrote upon a
gate: We've well burnt down your
wool shed. Dye see? Dye see?"
OF course it caught the big mans
eye when next he passed through. For
a moment he contemplated the an
nouncement and then with sardcuic
grin took the stump Of blue peacil
from his pocket and scribbled under
meath: 1T was well insured. Dye see:
Dye see"-LoDdon Standard.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Poultry Toilets.

NOW we will make this white hens
toilet"
And the pet stock dealer laid beside
& small bathtub box Of cold cream,
g bottle Of brlliantine, couple OF
brushes, a chamois, towels and soap.
He bathed the hen in the tub. BE
scrubbed her feathers till they were
snowy. Then he toweled her, wrap
ped her up and put her away in
warm box.
Tomorrow" he said, latter she Is
quite dry III rub brilliantine on one Of
these brushes and polish her coat till
it shines like satin. III oil and polish
her feet too. Her face and watties
I'll rub well with cold cream-that will
deepen and enrich the color, the bloom.
Altogether, when I'm dore with her
she'll be as smooth a ~ and i'm.
maculate as new S.. - or q well
laundered white evening shirt.
'For exhibitions chickens have these
elaborate toilets always-much more
elaborate ones sometimes. In certain
breeds I have seen the leg feathers
being curled with an electric iron one
by one."-New Orleans Times-Demo.
crat
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Naro,s Golden House,

The golden house" Of Nero seems
from all accounts to have been the
most stupendous dwelling place ever
built for mortal man. Even If we
regard the ancient descriptions as
somewhat exaggerated it remains one
Of the largest royal houses ever built,
and the internal decorations seem to
have been incomparably magnificent.
It was surrounded by parks, woods
and pools Of great size, which appear
to have been entirely within the walls.
The colonnades Of the house itself ex-
tended a mile in length and crossed
one Of the main thoror ghfares Of the
city. The cities Of the east were ran
sacked for masterpieces Of Greek art
for the interior. The walls shone with
gold and pearls, and the roof rested on
marble columns Of enormous size and
beauty.-NeW York American.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Slim Memsn of HUNGARY.

The women Of Hungary regard a
small waist as the greatest possible
beauty, and they will endure anything
In order to put on an appearance Of be-
ing small waisted. Tight lacing is car
ried on to an extraordinary extent and
the waist is compressed by force until
one would think that the owner could
hardly breathe. Yet in this confined
state the women will plunge into the
widest Of Hungarian dances, known
as the czardas, and prance frantically
like ballet dancers until at the end
they sink, gasping, exhausted and well
nigh suffocated, on a sofa. AS they
grow older most Of these slim beauties
become enormo mously stout, and then
they are regarded as quite old The
Eungarians, though they resemble the
Turks in many ways, have not the
Turkish admiration for fat women or
the English admiration for elderly
made up bellies. Hungary is land OF
slim young women, and when they
lose their figure they lose their attrac-
tiveness and their power.-Modern So
ciety
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Silver Thread,

4 matron in Harlem was calling
upon another matron in Harlem. Nei-
ther was young. but one looked
more so.
Really, my DEAR" said the one that
looked more so, you ought to have
your hair treated. It's becoming quite
gray in spots. See what a difference
it has made with me. You would look
much younger-really."
"But I don't care to look much
younger il must dye my hair to do
So" was the reply. 81 prefer to be
natural. If the Lord sends me gray
hair there's good reason, and I'm sat
isfed."
But think Of your children, my
dear. They're grown up now"
What hare they got to do with it,"
"Why, don't you see? The younger
you look the younger it makes them
appear. and your girls are way past
twenty, you know"
The matron who was gray in spots
was still looking dazed when her Wis
itor departed. York Globe.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Strono MonosyIIables

Instructors in the art Of literary
composition usually condemn string
Of monosyllables, but in the well
known hymn Lead, Kindly Light y
written BY 4 master Of the English
language, you may count thirty con
secutire words Of one syllable only
They offend neither the eye nor the
ear.
Milton often uses a series Of mono
syl1ables. In the second book Of "Par-
adise Lost" we have:
The ficad
Ger bog or steep, through strait, rough
dense or rare,
With head. hands. wings or feet pursues
his way
And swims or sinks or wades or creeps
or flies.
Such lines are not uncommon in the
book:
Rocks, caves. lakes. fens, bogs. 6ens and
shades Of death.
And again:
OF neither sea nor shore nor air nor fire.
London Notes and Queries.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Husbands to Burn.

The elderly spinster IN the rear OF
the drawing room car had 10 more
than settled in her seat when her at
tention was attracted to woman a
little farther front who was garbed
in the deepest mourning. AS Miss
Spinster adjusted her nose grabber
glasses for a better inspection Of the
one in widows weeds she saw the
conductor lean over and converse with
her earnestly for several minutes.
When the conductor got back to her
seat taking the passengers tickets
Miss Spinster was consumed with Gu
riosity about the woman in mourning.
"Conductor," she asked in her sweet
est tones, what's the trouble with the
lady up there in Widows weeds?"
"Oh, that's Mrs Gettem~ replied
the obliging conductor. She's just
taking her third husband out to a
crematory."
"Oh, how dreadfulr' exclaimed Miss
Spinster. And then in a faraway voice
she added:
"And just think Of it! Here I am
past fifty and never had husband in
my life, while that woman up there
has them to burnv'-New York Times.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Emerson's Memory.

Emerson was notable sufferer from
the vagaries Of memory. His biogra-
pher relates that he met him one day
in Boston apparently at loss for
something and asked him where he
was going. ''To dine" said Emerson,
with a very old and dear friend. I
know where she lives, but I hope she
won't ask me her name" And then he
proceeded to describe her as "the
mother Of the wife Of the young man
the tall nan-who speaks so u"
and so on, until his interlocutor guess
ed to whom he was referring. Even
the names Of common objects often
failed him completely. On one occa-
sion when he wanted an umbrella he
said: 'I can't tel: its name, but I can
tell its history. Strangers take It
away" This failing Of Emerson led to
pathetic scene when be attended
Longfellow's funeral and remarked as
he gazed at the coffin, "Re was a
sweet and beautiful soul, but have
entirely forgotten his name"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Retcrt Final.

The garrulous old lady in the stern
Of the boat had pestered the guide
with her comments and questions ever
since they had started. Her meek lit
tie husband, who was punched toad
like in the bow. fshed in silence. The
old lady seemingly exhausted every
possible point in fish and animal life,
woodcraft and personal history when
she suddenly espied one Of those curl
Gus paths Of oily, unbroken water fire.
quently seen on small lakes which are
rufled by a light breeze.
"Oh, guide, guide sne exclaimed,
what makes that funny streak in the
water? No, there-right over there!'
The guide was busy reDaiting the
old gentleman's hook and merely
mumbled, "U-m-mm.
Guide" repeated the old lady in
tones that were not to be denied, "look
right over there where I'm pointing
and tell me what makes that funny
streak in the water"
The guide looked up from his bait
ing, with sigh.
'sThat? On, that's where the road
went across the ice last winter
Ererybody's Magazine.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Nervous Mother.

An Atchison woma2 who IS very
nervous and inclined to worry is the
mother Of q boy. She recently read
Of q boy who was killed while roller
skating and Immediately put her sons
roller skates in the fire. Another
newspaper told Of boy: who was kill
ed riding the street cars, and as boys
are frequently killed while walking by
street cars running over them she
chained her boy to the front door.
Then she read Of a boy who died Of
blood poisoning caused by his shoe
rubbing his heel, and her boys shoes
and stockings came off. The story of
a boy who bit off e button on his
waist and choked to death resulted In
Der taking off her boys clothes. He
had left only a flannel shirt, and she
is reading now that wearing flannel
shirts is the cause Of great mortality
and is thinking Of removing that
Atchiscn Globe
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
1ha aIoon, on the Eao.

"r know these eggs at least are
fresh" said the young housewife. Gas
I took them from the basket white
bloom, like the down Of peach, came
off on my hands"
Her husband, a food expert, gave a
sneering laugh.
.'In that case,'' be said, tI'il forego
my usual morning omelette. That
bloom, my dear, proves your eggs to
be a year or so old--maybe four or
five years old.
"The bloom, as you so POLITICALLY call
it, is lime dust. It shows that the
eggs are picked. Lime dust, which
rubs off like -four, is the surest test
we have for picked eggs-a not IN
wholesome article, but not to be com
pared with the new laid sort."-NeW
Orleans Times-Democrat-
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Courtship In ireland.

An Irish boy marries when he has a
rid house and an Irish girl just when
she pleases. Sometimes she so pleases
while yet her years are few; at other
times she is content to wait upon wis.
dom. In the latter case, of course, she
makes wise choice, but In the for
mer almost always a lucky one, for
luck is the guardian angel Of the Irish.
you're too young to marry yet
Mary" the mother said when Mary
pleaded that she should grant Lau-
renee O'a1ahony particular boon.
eff you. only have patience, mother,
I'll cure meself Of that fault" was
Mary's reply.
"And she's never been used to work,
Laurence the mother said to the
suitor discouragingly.
IF you only have patience, ma'am, y
was Laurence's reply to this, "I'll cure
her Of that fault" and he did too.-
Seumas MacManus in Lippincott's.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Mas He Delirious?

almost every man." says Bslti-
more specialist, learns sooner or lat
er to think Of his doctor as one Of his
best friends, but this fact does not
hinder the world from laughing at the
profession.
"'How is our patient this morning :?
asked q physician, q fellow graduate
Of mine, of q patients brother.
*'Oh, he's much worse came from
the other in a tone Of detection. Hes
been delirious for several hours. At 3
o'clock he said, what an old woman
that doctor Of mine is!' and he hasn't
made a rational remark since Lip
pincott'S.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Oriain of Cards.

The origin Of cards lies far back IN
the hidden antiquity Of Asia, no rec
ord so far having been found to un-
ravel the source. It was from the dis
tant orient that cards, along with
chess, were first introduced into south.
ern Europe, Spain and Italy especially.
The earliest Of these cards have been
lost unfortunately and no record Of
them preserved.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Corporal Punishment.

Corporal punishment formerly had .
wider significance than mere whip
ping. Henry de Bractoa, chief justlcl-
ary of England in the reign of Henry
III, divided corporal punishment into
two kilds-those inflicted with and
without torture The stocks and the
oillory would rank as corporal punish
ment; also mutilations and other grim
tortures when imposed not to extort
confessions, but as penalties, and the
branding in the hand for felony, which
was not abolished until George Ill s
time.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Whv He Was Mad.

Stubb-What's the trouble with the
writer's husband? He looks angry
enough to chew tacks. Penn-And he
Is, She dedicated her latest Dooh 10
him. Stubb-Gracious! should con-
slider that a compliment. Penn-Not
if YOU knew the title Of the book. II
IS wild Animals I Have Met."-Chl'
cago News.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
It icnited.

Little ROLLS, four years old, came TO
the table, where we had tomato soup
Of which he is very fond. Being very
hungry. he could not wait for 1t TO
cool, but hastily ate two or three
spoonfuls; then, laying down his spoon,
he exclaimed, MY goodness, that soup
is so hot it makes sparks all down me. ;"
-Delineator.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
ACKNOWLEDGMENT

The above is the name of a German
chemical, which is one Of the many
valuable Ingredients of FoIey's Kidney
Remedy. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS is
recoe 1ized by medical text books and
authorities as a uric acid solvent and
antiseptic for the urin. Take FoleY's
Kidney Remedy as soon as you notice
any irregularities, and avoid serious
malady. ". E. Brown & Co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
What They Said.

Did the girls say anything when
they heard of my engagement" she
asked, with a little curiosity.
every little" was the reply Of her
dearest friend
"But they said something?"
ooh, yes; they said something"
"Well, what was it?'
t'Well, most Of them merely e1-
claimed, AT lastH"
There was a pause, and then she
asked:
"Well. what did some Of the others
say?"
Zone Of them said, Who'd have
thought it?' Another, viii wonders
never cease" And a third
"Oh, never mind the rest" inter.
rupted the fancee. 'I never did have
much curiosity"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Not RuiI Run

The story was told Of an American
who happened to be crossing the ocean
some years ago on the Fourth Of July,
which national holiday was celebrated
with great enthusiasm by the Ameri-
cans on board
.I say" asked one Of the English
men, what is this the anniversary Of
anyhow? Isn't it to celebrate the bat
tie of Bull Run or something Of that
kind?"
mo-" promptly spoke up an Ameri-
can, mot Bull Run-John Bull Run"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
a RISING Fall.

A certain member Of the British
government who was admittedly q
great failure was being discussed by
two Of his colleagues.
"And now," concluded one, "they
want to make him a peerH'
'sNo," said the other, with greater
acumen; "they want to make him dis
appear"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Washington Once Gave Up

to three doctors: was kept in bed for FIVE
weeks. Blood poison from a SPIDERS
bite caused large, deep sores to cover
his leg. The doctors failed, then "Buck-
lens Arnica Salye completely cured
me-" writes John Washington, of Bos-
oueville, Tex. For eczema, boils, burns
and piles It's supreme. 25c at Dr.. W. E.
Brown & Co., and J. E. Arant.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Secret of Long Life.

A French scientist has discovered one
secret of long life. His method deals
with the blood. But long ago millions
of Americans had proved Electric Bit
ters prolongs life and makes it worth
living. 1t purities, enriches and vital
ICES the blood, rebuilds wasted nerve
cells, imparts life and tone to the entire
system. Its godsend to weak. sick and
debilitated people. Kidney trouble had
blighted my life for months" writes w.
NJ. Sherman, of Cushing, Me-. but
Electric BitJers cured me entirely. .
Only SOC. at DR.. W. E. Brown & Co.:
and J. E. Arant.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Pneumonia Follows La Grippe.

Pneumonia often follows la grippe but
never follows the use OF F'oley's EoneE
and Tar, for la grippe coughs and deep
seated colds. Refuse any but the gen
uine in the yellow package. W. E.
Brown s. Co.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
lakes Him Down.

every man has his price," quoted
the wise guy.
''Well, I'VE noticed that woman
can generally make him feel pretty
cheap" added the simple mug.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
I Ike q Mule

"a man VIII a bad disposition" said
Uncle Eben, sis q heap like q mule.
You's always havin' yoh doubts about
whether his usefulness on some occa-
sions pays fob his troublesemeness on
others."-Washington Star.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Process.

~You are pretty sharp boy. Tom
my"
"WeIl, ought to be. Pa. takes me
out in the wood shed and straps me
three or four times week. ."-Har-
per's Weekly.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Chanceable Names.

Tom-Belle is a strange girl. She
doesn't know the names Of some OF her
best friends. Maud-That's nothing.
Why, don't even know what my OWL
will be a year from now.-Boston
Transcript.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Peace and War,

'Peace hath her victories" quoted
the wise guy.
Eyes, but we generally have to fght
pretty hard for them," added the sim
pie mug.-Phiadelphia Record.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Takino Chances,

Mo:her-Johnny, your Uncle Henry
will be here for dinner, and you must
have your face and hands washed.
Small Johnny-Yes, mamma, but s'pos-
in somethin' happens and he don't
come, what then?-Exchange.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
10 the Point.

Elderly Aunt suppose you wonder
ed. dear little Hans. why left you so
abruptly in the lane I saw a man,
and, oh, how I ran! Hans-Did you
get -FIegende Blatter.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Not So Exactina.

$50 you're butcher now?"
eyes," explained the former CRY
goods clerk. The ladies don't try to
match spareribs or steak. kansas
City Journal.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
Eear and Dancer,

Nervous Old Lady Ito deck hand on
steamboat there any fear Of dan
ger? Deck Hand (carelessly)-Plenty
Of fear, ma'am, but not a bit of dan
ger.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
4 Wonderful Hand.

Master-rm sorry to hear, Pat, that
your wife is dead. Patrick-Faitk an
It's q sad day for US all, sir! The
hand that rocked the cradle has kick
ed the bucket.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
A Teaser

A Ieaser.
There is one subject on which it is
difficult to keep up interest"
"What particular subject is that on
which it is difficult to keep up inter
est?"
'aThe mortgage OF my house"
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17

Ogilby, translator Of Homer and Vir-
gil, was unacquainted with Greek IN
til he was past fifty years Of age.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17
The Riddle.

Here is q strange riddle which we
have never met before 1t is sent us
by friend from Jhansi, India:
Divide $50 by o. Add two-thirds OF
10. So ends the riddle.
Here is the answer: CoLENSO.
C-100.
The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1909-02-17

A man that is young in years may
be old in hours if he has lost no time.
Bacon.