davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Uncle William on Dark Horses
BY WILBUR D. NEsBIT.

v Little ones, there was once On o,a
1Tn that had gone through NAM -
out handily. n"u always won
+b! put about the time he had ever,.
enlng set right and was baa;nnt unei y.
EI H. MS oats, up bobbed the Reform
tba me Reform Element, children. is
Ia rnat punch of meddlers who ALWAYS
S want 10 know why the Old sorre1s
wbare ~ mar many Oats in the Manager, and
,"Iie 'ney get the Oats.
uo ~ tnls instance, with the conven-
60 n ABOUT two months away, the Re-
form Element certainly out the Hon.
ments. A'A " Ae" mo
SO he ambled off across the fields n
sue next district, and there he held
oo Win another Old Sorrel that
on any trouble on his hands this
~, mat is politics." said the second
Oiu sorrel. First they ask you Where
U,u you get 1t?' Then when YOU ex-
p1aln matters satisfactorily, they say
give 1t to US, or we won't let you get
any MORE" OD e0'
80 But they're going to disqualify me
Il oont get busy" complained the
first Old Sorrel.
Not bit of it. You listen" And
tnen the second Old sorrel whispered
long. and earnestly, and after a time
ene nrst Old Sorrel cantered back
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

room for the next one. 1 developed
enough power to light my building and
to run some cigar and cigarette ma.
chimes.
Judge" said Williams sarcastically.
has the clear, cold light of reason
gone out? Cannot it illumine for ua
the obscurity that surrounds the pres.
ent situation of your motor?"
Il had not intended to continue"
said the judge, sorroWfully, but your
unjust suspicious force me to. 1t was
the one mistake of my life. l in.
vented an automatic Indian who would
take a cigar out of his pocket and
present it when one administered the
necessary nickel. l stood him in front
of my store and was promptly black
listed by the tobacco trust, in sym
pathy with the Wooden-Indian trust
They forced me to sell out and l left
town."
But, judge, l don't see why you
did"
Il moved to Philadelphia" inter
rupted Judge Crosscut, gently.
Copyright, 1909, by w. G. Chapman.)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

was comparatively deserted I removed
the cellar grating from in front of my
show window and placed there ny
motor. This consisted essentially of
a tread mill, the treads being made
to resemble the grating and put in it's
place. / connected a dynamo to the
motor and installed a storage battery.
Then l stood a couple of show cases
outside the grating, so as to partly
enclose it. A long lever made it pos
sible to start and stop the motor from
the room above.
"The next day I gave my invention
its first trial. 1t worked like charm,
gentlemen. The absent-minded pedes-
TRAN would come dashing along, strike
the grating, find himself stopped, catch
sight of the cigarmaker, and stand
there watching absorbedIy, his legs
still churning furiously. Just as he
was about to lose interest would stop
the motor and off he'd shoot, to make
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
A Tall Bear story.

why, once, do you know, found a
bear inside hollow log. Well, of
course, l couldn't get at him to shoot
him, and the log was too heavy to
move. didn't know what to do. So at
last I thought of cutting four holes
in the log, about where the bears
feet must be, and I got his paws
through slick. Then I tied a rope
about the log and made him walk with
it into camp. And-would you be-
lieve tive had all our food and all
our fuel for the winter out of that one
deal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Seeks Secrets of the Earth.

Camille Flammarion, the astron.
omer, is again calling attention to his
idea of geothermic well, to be sunk
as deeply as possible. His plan is to
dig straight down from the earth's
surface to find an economic and al
most inexhaustible source of heat to
verify the rate of caloric increase 10
find out if the materials constitutino
the terrestrial globe are in a state of
fusion.
No one knows what riches. what
curiosities geological and paleontol
ogical might not be revealed bv This
investigation into subteraneon dentb.
iron mines, mines of precious
metals, seams of gold, platinum and
silver; radium, fossils from the most
ancient times, without speaking of ali
the unknown world which lies in tbooo
abysses.
rs it not little humiliating." hs
asks, "to have brought the stars int
our range of vision by the power ~
telescope, to have measured their dis
tances, to have weighed and analvzea
them, and yet remain in ignorance NJ
what lies at o few kilometers undeE
ur feet?"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
CroSScut's Pavement Motor
BY GoRToN cARRurH.

1T would SEEM" said Judge Cross
cut to Andrews one evening, arching
his eyebrows interrogatively as he
spoke, and laying much emphasis on
the "seem'-'it would seem that our
young friend Williams is thinking"
Perhaps he is trying to recollect
further experiments of that horticul-
tural uncle of HIS" suggested An
drews, smiling and glancing across at
Williams, who was gazing fixedly at
the fire. THAT uncle, you remember,
who crossed the tiger-lily and adder's-
tongue and thus got saber-toothed
tiger-lily."
No, judge" interrupted Williams
hastily, speaking as if nothing had
been said since the judges first re-
mark. mo, would not dignity my
mental process by the name of
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
A Broad Discrimination.

There is an elder of a certain
church upstate who thinks that things
are only half done or not well started
in which he has no voice. At a
prayer meeting he offered thanks for
the safe return from their vacation
of the minister and his wife. With
proper dignity and in loud voice he
said: 20 Lord, we thank thee for
bringing our pastor safe home, and
his dear wife, too, o Lord, for thou
preservest man and beast. Success.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
NOTHING in the Name,

Senator Carroll S. Page of Vermont
is on good terms with the senate
pages, all because MS name is Page.
Apropos of this, he tells the story that
when he was governor of Vermont he
went to the chamber of the senate of
the state legislature one day and about
a dozen pages flocked around him just
as friend of his from the rural dis
tricts walked in.
Governor" inquired the friend from
the country, who are all these little
boys?"
They are little pages"
well, I'll be burned, governor" OBJ
served the rural visitor; Il never
knew you had so many children"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Ca171pio1's Punishment
BY FRED c. KELLY.

Oft In the still hours of the night,
broken only by the low click of the
poker chips being heaped into red,
white and blue smokestacks, there
flashed across the mind of Campion
the thought that wiley would have
divers and sundry remarks to make
the next day.
You see, Campion was the host at
this all-night session. He and five
companions sat about the dining-room
table in the Campion home. Jacks
or better weren't the only kind of
openers that had been in use through
out the night, and empty bottles were
scattered all over the sideboard, the
rugs and the window sills-to say
nothing of cigar stubs and cigar ashes
smeared all over pretty much every
thing within reach. The atmosphere
was as thick as Camembert cheese.
Campion realized all these things, but
the bunch stayed on. In all sincerity,
he would be able to tell Mrs. Campion
that he wanted them to go sooner, for
he had been three stacks of chips
ahead two or three hours prior to sun
rise. But host can't drive his guests
out of the house just because he's
been lucky enough to take away some
of their money. 1t was about seven
o'clock that morning when they all
decided that it was a good time to
quit, inasmuch as things had straight
ened around so that no one was more
than about seven or eight bones in
the hole.
They placed their respective fevered
brows beneath the faucet in the bath
room, and then went away, leaving
their host to fight his own battles.
Campion knew it would make mat
tiers all the worse if he should go to
bed and sleep all day, thus showing
that he was neglecting his business.
He made up his mind to get through
the day somehow and prepared for his
inevitable and altogether non-cheer-
ing observations about the looks of
things that would be volunteered by
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Was Proud of His Dad.

Here is one relating to the public
schools, even though it has no bearing
on the present public school contro-
versy. Like as not it isn't even true,
but somebody lowed it was. Anyway,
little George came home from one of
the schools on the West side and told
his dad that he wished he would write
him little essay on skating.
Georges father, while not profess
sional writer, prides himself on his
ability to put his thoughts into good
clear English, and he willingly dashed
off little composition for his sons
edfication.
The following evening George
greeted his male parent with much en-
thusiasm when the latter came home
from the Office.
you're all right, popsy," he de-
clared, proudly. Il copied off that es-
say of yours and turned it in, and the
teacher said there was only one bet
ter one in the whole class -CIeve-
land Plain Dealer.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

dizzy spells and terrible CONDITION OF
the kidney secretions. I got so mis-
cradle l went to bed, but the doctor
did not do anything for me and no
one expected me to recover. Doans
Kidney Pills first relieved, then cured
me, and I have had no kidney trouble
for seven years since"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

the missus when she came down to
breakfast. But, surprise of surprises
Mrs. Campion came down smiling and
pleasant. She asked Campion if hs
was tired from being up late and that
ended the inquiry. Campion said he
was feeling fine, as he had just got up
from a nice nap of four hours on the
lounge.
Apparently it went. The missus
continued pleasant and smiling until
Campion started to the Office. It was
a hard pull getting through that dav,
Fully 1000 times Campion had to
grit his teeth, rub his eyes and keen
awake only by sheer force of will
power, at the same time vowing
never again" At last the day ended.
and he hustled home. "Me for the
quilts just as soon as 1 get through
dinner this evening"" thought he.
YEARLY.
Mrs. Campion met him at the door.
Better put on your other Clothes -
she suggested smilingly. "You know
the Van Smythes are coming over to.
night to play bridge. W-what! Hadn't
told you? wonder now If I forgot
to speak of it! Well, anyhow, they're
to be here shortly after eight o'clock
and We'll have a nice evening of
bridge. You know 1 thought of telling
them not to come for fear you might
be tired after playing cards last night.
I was so glad when you said you got
your Sleep"
Campion got into his evening clothes
and sat at a bridge game all evening
with the Van Smythes, who were the
worst looking pair of high-browed
neighbors any man ever had. Can
you dope out anything that would have
been worse torture? And the next
morning Mrs. Campion woke hubby IN
for breakfast half an hour earlier
than usual
But she never dropped a single I'm.
kind remark about that all-night
session.
Copyright, 1909, by w. G. Chapman1
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
INT0LERABLE ITCHING.
Fearful Eczema All Over Baby's Face
. professional Treatment Failed.
A Perfect Cure by cutIcura.

''When my little girl was six months
old l noticed small red spots on her
right cheek. They grew so large that
I sent for the doctor but, instead Of
helping the eruption, his ointment
seemed to make it worse. Then I
went to second doctor who said it
was eczema. He also gave me an oint-
ment which did not help either. The
disease spread all over the face and
the eyes began to swell. The itching
grew lntolerable and it was a terrible
sight to see. consulted doctors for
months, but they were unable to cure
the baby. ] paid out from $40 to $50
without relief. One evening began
to use the Cuticura Remedies. The
next morning the baby's face was all
white instead of red. / continued until
the eczema entirely disappeared. Mrs.
P. E. Gumbin, Sheldon, a., July 10, 'OS."
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp. Sole Props, Boston.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Horses, had a bosom that throbbed

Horses, had a bosom that throbbed
with Political Ambition.
"Old man." said the wise Old Sorrel,
1--WE sent for you on matter of i'm
portance. I'm weary of official life,
and I'm looking for some one on whom
my mantle may fall without hiding his
feet and dragging along in the dust
behind him"
The Dark Horse snickered with SUBJ
dued joy, but modestly intimated that
he was not the horse to make the
race.
But you are" said the Old Sorrel.
and then he went on with a lot of ar
guments that sounded good, and final
ly convinced the Dark Horse that all
he had to do was to stay in his stall
and not champ his bit too much, and
the first thing he knew he would be
setting new marks for speed down the
Road to Greatness.
On the day of the convention there
was great hubbub while all the Dark
Horses were being nominated, but all
of a sudden there was hoarse boot
and cloud of dust.
When the dust had settled 1t was
learned that in order to preserve har-
mony in the party the Old Sorrel had
been induced to get into the harness
once more.
Children, when you grow up, if any
man comes around and tells you you
are Dark Horse, you go and hire
some one to paint white stripes on you
and call yourself Zebra.
For that man has pair of false
ears in his pocket and wants to change
you into something else.
Copyright, 1909, by w. G.. Chapman.)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Reninninn Rinhf-

''Your folks must be mighty excep-
tionally fond of eggplant" remarked
the grocer's clerk to the deacon's SON
when the two met after the church
services one Sunday. Your father
ordered two dozen of 'em yesterday"
ooh, that's easily explained. You
see, dads been reading about the
latest methods of embarrassing, and
he decided to try the business. Al
though the books advised beginners
to purchase adult fowls, dad decided it
was better to start with the eggplant"
-Harper's Weekly.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

the Kidneys are SICK
and cannot keep up
their never-ending
task of tiltering the
blood. Lame back,
b a C k a C h e F., dizzy
spells and urinary
disorders are warn
ings that must not
be overlooked. A.
G. Smith, 405 E.
Mills ST., Liberty,
Mo-, says: II was
racked with pain,
stiff and lame, had
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Escape Nicely Timed.

A German shoemaker left the gas
turned on in his shop one night, and,
upon arriving in the morning, struck
a match to light it. There was ter.
rife explosion, and the shoemaker was
blown out through the door almost to
the middle of the street.
A passerby rushed to his assistance,
and after helping him to arise, In
quired If he was injured.
The little German gazed in at his
place of business, which was now
burning quite briskly, and said:
mo, l aindt hurt. But / got out
shust in time, eh?"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Gratitude Poorly EXPRESSED.

An old woman was profuse in her
gratitude to magistrate who had
dismissed charge brought against
her.
II thought you wouldn't be ard on
me, your worship" she remarked, as
she left the dock; II know 'ow often
kind art beats behind a ugly face"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
HynotheficaI,

Let me-" said the stranger at the
baseball gate, TASK you hypothetical
question"
GO ahead"
"Supposing that I had ten cents,
and desired to witness an exhibition
of the manly sport inside the en-
closure, the price being Is cents; and
supposing that were to approach you
for Is cents necessary to fruition of
my hopes, what would you say?"
THAT easy. I'd say: Lend me the
10 cents as I have just Is myself, and
am a rabid fan"
Thus, after all this subtle eloquence,
there was nothing doing.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Good Work Done In France.

For the past three years a persis-
tent crusade has been waged against
consumption among postoffice en-
ployes in France. Under these eff
forts the number of cases has dimin-
ished SO per cent, having been in
1906, 1,048; in 1907, 808 case, and last
year the number fell to sos.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

woman, and shall recommend it as
long as I live. - Mrs. MAY FEY
Lindley, Ind.
One Of the greatest triumphs Of
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound is the conquering of woman's
dread enemy tumor. If you have
mysterious pains, Inflammation, Ulcera-
ton or displacement, don't wait for
time to confirm your fears and go
through the horrersofa hospital opera
ton, but try Lydia E. Pinkham'S Vege-
table Compound at once.
For thirty years Lydia 3. Pinkham'S
Vegetable Compound, made from roots
andherbs, has been hestandard remedy
for female ills, and such unquestion-
able testimony as the above proves the
value of this famous remedy, and
should give confidence and nope To
every sick woman.
If you would like special advice
about your case write a confiden-
tial letter to Mrs. Pinkhan, at
Lynn. Mass Her advice is free
and always helpful
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

Rough on Rats, unbeatable exterminator
Rough on Hen Lice, Nest Powder, 25c.
Rough on Bedbugs, Powder or Liq'd d, Csc
Rough on Fleas, Powder or Liquid, 25.
Rough on Reaches, Pow'd, 15c. Liz d, Csc.
Rough on Moth and Ants, Powder, Csc.
Rough on Shelters, agreeable to use, Csc.
E. S. Wells, Chemist, Jersey City, N. j.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
EXPERIENCED ADVICE.
His Stomach ReheIIed.

A dyspeptic Atchison man went into
a restaurant the other day and or
dered fried catfish. Fried cat!"
bawled the waiter to the cook. In
stantly the weak stomach rebelled
Cancel that order" the customer
said, land give me an order of country
sausage" "Sidetrack the cat and
make 1T dog!" yelled the waiter, and
he is wondering yet why the man
grabbed his hat and left.-Exchange-
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
What Did He Mean?

Mr.. Brown and his family were
standing in front of the lions cage.
John" gaid Mrs. Brown, IF these
animals were to escape, whom would
you save first, me or the children?"
ME-" answered John, without hest
tation.-Everybody's Magazine.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Ask Your Druggist for Aliens Foot-Ease.

"I tried ALIENS FOOT-EASE recent
~, and have just bought another supply
1t has cured my corns, and the hot, burn
was almost unbearable, and / would not
be without it now.-Mrs. w. J. Walker
Camden, N. J." Sold by all Druggists, 25c.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Dull.

my! the paper is dull and uninter-
esting this morning"
rs that so! Can't you find the d.
vorce n?"-Detroit Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

~ ~ OSA4AO4 SA
four years. growth,
which three of the
best physicians de-
clared / had. They
said that only an
operation could
help me. lam very
glad thatIfollowed
a friends advice
and took Lydia z.
Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound,
for it has made me
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

Little children are suffering every day
in the year with sprains, bruises, cuts,
bumps and burns. Hamlins Wizard Oil
day i IN the year. s the e' world do over rlH' every
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

Great Distress Throughout the South
Could be eliminated by the use of DR.. Big
gers Huckleherry CORDIAL. 1t cures Dyson
terry, Diarrhoea, Children Teething. At
Druggists 25c and Soc per bottle.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
The Reason.

Whats the reason we shouldn't
have little outing this Saturday,"
asked Mrs. Grampus.
Il am" snarled Grampus.-Buffalo
Express.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Accounted Fer.

She-.Do you know, dear, / had my
heart set on ice cream tonight.
He-I thought you seemed rather
cold-hearted!
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
For Headache Try Hicks capudine

49, Whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or
Nervous troubles, the aches are speedily
relieved by Capudine. It's Liuuid-pleas-
ant to take-Effects Immediately 10. 1
and Soc at Drug Stores.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
NOT WHAT HE MEANT.

Saphedd I'm rather dull this
evening. l feel a little down in the
mouth, don't you know.
Miss Cutting-O. impossible! Why,
1t is not a sixteenth of an inch long!
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

The next man in barber shop II
always rough and ready.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
WHEN YOUR BACK ACHES
IL 10 a Warning That the Kidneys Are
Sick and Need Help.

A bad back makes every day dull
round of pain and misery. It's a sign
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

And it sometimes happens that aft
er a man has made his mark he ae-
uuires a wife who makes him toe it.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
OF
FOURYEARS
GROWTH
Removed by Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound

Lindley, Ind. Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound removed
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

Mrs. Winsl0w's Soothing Syrup
smmstion, aiIays pain, cures Wind collie CSC bottle
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

Don't offer odds to the elevator boy
or he'll take you up.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
important 20 Aao4poora.

Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that II
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
REVENGE.

The Professor-I've been a vege-
tartan all my life; from now on I'll eat
nothing but beef!
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17
Not Missed Taken

did you take a bath?"
mo. is there one missing?"-Colum
bia Jester.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

The ancient watch dog Is a member
of the old guard.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

PERRY DAVIS PAINKILLER
Summer complaint, bowel trouble, cramps have no
terTors in the household where this dependable med
icine iskepton hand. Csc, Csc and Soc bottles.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

home and told the cots that were do
ing local on the Barnyard Palladium
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

The wife of a dyspeptic man may
not agree with him any more than
her cooking does.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-07-17

that he had been away for a few days
on business of national Importance.
Then he slipped around the corner
and sent word to certain Dark Horse
to come and see him.
Now, this Dark Horse, like all Dark
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1909-06-23
Men Past Fifty I'm Dnuccr.

Men past middle life have found
comfort and relief in Foley's Kidney
Remedy, especially for enlarged pros
tate gland. which is very common
among elderly men. l.. T.. Morris,
Dexter. Ky" writes: Cup to year
ago my father suffered from kidney
ana bladder trouble and several ply
slcians pronounced II enlargement of
the prostate gland and advised an
operation. ON account of his age we
were afraid he could not stand it and
l recommended Foley's Kidney Rem
edy, and the first bottle relieved him,
and after taking the second bottle he
was no longer troubled with this
complaint" w. w. Sibert