The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-01-20
Hhapsook FoR HUSBANDS.
When the Bride Starts Her Crusade
Of Reform Man Begins TO
See Life.


was dead sure She wasn't anywhere
within hearing, but I'd like to call
your attention TO the fact also that
the same applies to cyclone. And
after having been married since
was old enough to vote you take it
from me, son, a mans chances are
better f. a cyclone.
you take em by and large-the
women, mean--and when they start
out to say just what they mean it's
ducats TO doughnuts they don't always
mean Just what they say. That's the
reason why you haven't got any
chance with 'em. You can dope out
where a tornado Is going to hit, but
you cant with a woman. She don't
know herself.
THE trouble is when a woman goes
to get married she thinks courtship
Is n sample of matrimony and all she
has got to do is pick out something
neat and nobby that will match her
furs and life is going to be one long
lingering chocolate sundae; and that's
no comic valentine.
Listen here You know me. I'm no
slat sided Algernon with crocheted
vest. don't wear q gold bracelet or
a pink nocktle, and never did But
when was starring in domestic COM
edy seven evenings and three mat
inees a week, trying to dig up nerve
and financial backing enough to make
my wife that wasn't then my wife
that Is now, used to shave so close
| had to grow a new face every fort
night.
II used to put my trousers between
sharp enough to cut all my poker
friends, and used TO wear shirts that
looked like Fourth OF July crossing
the equator. / didn't drink anything
but ginger ale and buttermilk and
when an auto splashed me said
Don't mention it,
Get the Idea? / used TO take her
out TO all the illustrated lectures and
pink teas, and when she went to a
private female gabfest, | hung around
the door like sore footed pelican
waiting to take her home. II she was
out when | called I'd stay and make
happy faces at the family until they
beat 1t of to bed and then I'd hang
around and pet the cat. Sir Galahad
was a medieval piker compared to
little me.
She sort of got an idea l was stuck
on her. So did |. You hearken, son;
If you get of a gag often enough you'll
get to believing 1t yourself.
Catch the drift of my remarks?
She had me picked out. sorted, done
up in bundles and labelled for ship
ment She could see one long life
time of being the capital 1t, with
faithful Henry weaving himself into
graceful motifs as background for
her Illuminating presence. She had
seen the sample, and her faith in the
honest intentions of Kismet was quite
considerable.
We'll, how bout IL? How did Henry
measure up when the gaze into my
limpid eye period was over? What did
she do when she found that there is
more than a single ace in every deck
and that because every thing is for the
best II doesn't necessarily mean that
II has got to be for our best?
We'll, son, she was surprised. I'm
no word painter, but will go 80 far
as to say she was startled. With wo-
mans intuition she reached the con-
clusion that man is an onion; and,
being a woman Of persevering spirit
and good digestion, she instlgated an
era OF reform.
I'm talking to you as man to man,
and I'm telling you that there Is moth
ing so painful as reform. For another
thing, the trouble is that reformers
spend all their time trying to reform
somebody else, and somebody else
never has any real aptitude for being
reformed. Hence, likewise and more
over, you can catch more crabs with
a hunk OF meat than you can yelling
at 'em from the bank.
Then along comes a dandy dude
with a seal ring and lot of bad hab-
It's. He looks her over and she decides
to give him run for his money. She
likes his sample candy, his sample
theatre tickets, his sample line OF
heated monologue and his simple, con-
fiding nature. She decides he is Just
as represented, standard quality, fast
dye and crayenetted. She decides TO
marry him up.
Likewise she does so with embrold-
cry and much circumstance. Then
they are no longer courter and courtee.
They are one. And the only trouble
they have for ever more is trying to
settle which Is the one.
"You got to admit they're in wrong
from the start. But, by the great horn
spoon, how about the man? Watch
man, tell us what OF poor little Henry.
Isn't he married too?
He is. He's nearly married to
death; and, take it from me son, II
the average man and the average wo-
man knew what was coming or when
Ill. Ar