The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-07
THE HOTEL CLERK ON
 THE NEW THOUGHT IDEA
By IRWIN S. COBB.

'I saw a mighty rare thing today, said the Hotel Clerk of the St. Reckless.
 "Wot was that?' inquired the House Detective.
 "A Presbyterian" said the Hotel Clerk. I was walking down the street, as the end man in minstrel show would say, and all of sudden l saw a Presbyte- rian."
 ''Wot talk have you?' said the puzzled House Detective. eThere's plenty Pres byterians."
 Yes. but this was a plain. square-cut, straight up and down one with a derby hat and bone handle umbrella said the Hotel Clerk. Tt was a very strange spectacle, Larry and I certainly appre- ciated it. It's not often a man has a chance these days to witness such Il sight. Some people think the rarest thing in the habitable globe is a monologue ar tst that can get through his turn without mentioning his mother-in-law and others think the rarest is a country club with out standing feud in the board of gov ernors, but as for me l regard an old fashioned church member who hasn't taken up with any of the new cults and creeds and things as possibly the scarcest article there is at this time, in the whole of the known world.
 There used to be a time when man took his religion straight in this country. He knew what he was getting when he got it. There were no excursions up d branch road, and no stop-over privileges so the traveller could examine the scenery somewhere off the main line. He got a one-way ticket and climbed aboard the particular gospel car that he had picked out for himself without any doubts as to where he'd land. The seats might be hard and the landscape pretty tolerable smoky along the right -of-way but he was perfectly satisfied in his own mind that he had the only train running that would ever make the through trip on schedule. He knew everything else was in for d head-on collision and this thought was great source of joy to him. People didn't have any feelings of uneasiness in those days about the right church. Everybody knew the right church. It was the one he belonged to- There was only one gen. uine, e-tempered, warranted four-ply brand. All others were spurious substi- tutes and should be left severely alone. A shouting Methodist regarded it as wise precautionary measure on the part q because it would naturally make him shoulder slower and the hard-shell could just look at a shouter and shut his eyes and smell him frying. When the Civil war came along some of the churches split in two, each branch taking the Lord under it's own special protection, and then went right ahead, secure and happy In the thought that while Heaven would have a smaller population, it would also ,~t. ,x.1 fo1 lant. heretofore, because all the angels would necessarily come from the same section of the country and agree as to politics and the slavery question. That, how ever, was some time ago."
 Well, don't some people still belong to the regular churches?" demanded the House Detective.
 Some few may. but it's not regarded, strictly speaking, as the proper thing in the best circles,' said the Hotel Clerk. "If you really expect to make a showing you must be member in good standing of the Yogi cult, say and go around practicing rhythmic breathing. Or If you have got the asthma or the hay fever or something and can't breathe rhythmical- ly. but do so in snorting manner, like a horse, you can have your choice of the Dowie movement or the Emmanuel move ment or a nice Swiss movement with American works Or you can be a psy- chologist or a New Thoughtist or dis ciple of the Mahatma and go about seek Ing others of the same faith and saying to them. Is Mahatma on straightY or words to that effect or you can be a spiritualist and for S1 a throw you can sit on hair cloth sofa with broken springs in it in dark front parlor in Jersey City and converse with deceased friends and relatives who are suffering from hoarseness caused by the change to a higher atmosphere and also seem to use different grammar from the kind they used when you formerly knew them Or if you don't like any of these religions somebody over in Brooklyn. where the nuts come from, will think up another one for you by this time next week
 "Yes. sir, Larry. there's been something new in this line off the blocks every ten days or so this winter. I've been keeping tab on 'em myself. Not counting some woolly wild western brands like Holy