davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The San Francisco call., 1909-12-05
Br John Kendrick Bangs.


John Kendrick Bangs is a strong fa-
vorite with the readers who enjoy GER
tain sort of satirical humor, for in that
line he is a master. In his latest vol
ume he takes fling at many of the
folies of the present day, but so good
humoredly that no one takes offense
and his sharpest sallies are greeted
with the laughter they deserve. In an
amusing forewo.d the author says:
Having recently passed into what
my greatgrandson, Shem, calls my
anecdotage, il has occurred to me that
perhaps some of the recolIections of a
more or less extended existence upon
this globular mass of dust and water
that we are pleased TO call the earth
may prove of interest to posterity and
/ have accordingly, at the earnest So
hcitation of my grandson, Noah, and his
sons. Shem. Ham and Japhet, consented
TO put them into permanent literary
form. In view of the facts that at this
writing. ink and paper and pens have
not yet been invented, and that we have
no capable stenographers among our
village fork, and that because of my ad-
vanced years / should find great diff
Guilty in producing my manuscript on
~~~->-~s~~~~>~~~>~~>>~
One has only to mention Little
Maude and Her Mamma" by Charles
Batten Loomis, and the hearers all
break into smiles, for the story is
known TO thousands of people already
Mr. Loomis first sent it to the Century
magazine, and later put it into the
mouth of one of his characters in Mi
nerva's Maneuvers," and now it has
become important enough to have a
little book all to itself. Mr. Loomis read
the story frequently on a trip with
Jerome X Jerome. when they read their
own masterpieces from the Atlantic to
the Pacific and from Canada to Mexico.
Its utter absence of sense appeals to
every reader and it is good to have il
in the permanent form. Doubleday.
Page & Co, New York. SO cents)
The San Francisco call., 1909-12-05

address delivered during the summer session
1909 Of the University Of California.
The San Francisco call., 1909-12-05
BOOKS REVIEWED

Martin Eden," by Jack London
THE Autobiography of Methuselah" by John Ken
drick Bangs.
POISON Jone and Pere Raphael" by George w.
Cable.
"Beechy" by Bettina Won Hutten.
The San Francisco call., 1909-12-05

BY Jack London, author Of The Can Of the
Wild, etc. Published by the Macmillan
company, New York. Price Sl.50.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
THE NEGRO CHAUFFEUR

From the Providence Journal
 There's one funny phase of this auto mobile question that has never been ex- plained satisfactorily to me- said the bachelor.
 What phase is that? How to run a machine on nothing a week or buy a stable of cars when you're broker" in- quired the man on the other side of the table.
 Buy nothing. If they were selling the cussed things for $5 apiece I would have about as much chance to get one and run it as I would to buy and run a poll icy shop in Providence since the police have been getting familiar
 Its not that. It's the way the glee gigs are run. During the past week have been keeping a close watch on the cars on the street and I have noticed that about half of the men at the steer ing wheels of the big cars have a dusky complexion. Off-hand you might say that there's nothing remarkable about a ne gro as chauffeur, but if you'll stop a minute and think you'll see that there Is and that I'm not bug house when make remarks about it.
 There are certain lines of work where you naturally expect to find the negro, and there are others where you expect to see the white man. In all my expe- rience in knocking about the country on the steam trains l have never seen a colored engine driver. The men who hold the throttle on the big locomotives, as far
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

as I have ever been able to find out, are white, and if saw colored man in the cab I'd be almost as surprised if I heard of white minister being called. to the pulpit of colored church.
 Now don't get flossy with the idea that I'm knocking the negro, for I'm doing nothing of the sort. As far as know colored man would be just as good an engine driver as a white one, but it has been the custom to keep white men in that position.
 ''It has been the same way on the cleo tric cars Why, I'll bet that if you were going home late at fight and colored conductor pushed that little pepper box up under your nose for your fare you'd begin, to think you had them and won der when you were going to wake up.
 'As near as I can dope the thing out those two positions are about as close to that of running a big mirth machine as any and what's got me going Is how 1t happened that the colored man has never been able to break through in either of them and yet he comes along and lands some of the best berths with the joy wagons.
 II don't see anything so very ren1arka- ble about that said the man on the other side of the table. Take the pa- trolmen and the mall carriers, for in stance, those are positions which are somewhat similar and yet right here in Providence I have seen negro mail car- riers. but I have never come across a negro patrolman.
 ''The negro chauffeur is so common that I supposed everyone had quit think
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

Paris. June 1.-The French authorizes are at present inquiring into a very ex- traordinary scandal. which the Press de- scribes as a traffic in pardons. It is sug- gested that criminals, who in France can make an appeal for pardon through the minister of justice. have been released on paying sums of money to certain re- sponsible Individuals.
 The scandal came to light in this man. ner. Recently a man was sentenced Tor swindlng. It was suggested to him that he could obtain pardon, and he entered into negotiations with man residing In the Boulevard Periere, who brought him in touch with person at Puteaus
 The latter assured the convicted swim dler that he knew an officer who was a personal friend of the director of crimt- nal affairs in the ministry of justice, and that if his good offices were recognized a pardon would result. The man paid the money demanded and awaited the uuashing of the sentence passed upon him, but instead of being pardoned he was invited to undergo his punishment. This made him furious and he made a complaint to the keeper of the seals.
 An inquiry was instituted and as a re- suit an artillery captain was visited by M Hamard the chief of criminal inves- tigation department, anu M Sndre, the examining magistrate. Certain papers were seized and 1t is alleged that these prove the officers eulpability. The cap tain, who protests his innocence, will be examined one of the first days of next week
 The person at Puteaux who is described as an agent d'affaires also received a
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
WALL STREET GAME.
How You Get It in the Neck In Specu-
 laton,

From Everybody's Magazine.
 We will assume that you, dear reader,
 are dealing in Wall Street securities, and
 have intrusted Smith & Jones with au-
 thority to purchase 100 shares of that
 stock on your account. You naturally wish
 it as soon as you can get it. You only regret that you didn't purchase it be-
 fore the market closed on the previous
 day; but the favorable news failed to be
 printed or circulated prior to the close of
 the market.
 What happens? lot of things may happen, and none of them in your inter- est-you may be perfectly sure of that. There is nothing in the world to restrain Smith Jones from first buying POGO.
 5000 or or 10000 shares of Union Pacific on their own dummy account. You cannot force them to execute your little order
 in advance of theirs. You may be in Harlem, Chicago or Omaha. Wait until | your betters are served
 | The office manager also buys as much Union Pacific as he can afford. The public Is In the market, and the news 1 at once reaches the order clerk. He holds l back the flood of buying orders long l enough to take a small flyer himself l The same with the telephone clerk on the HUT ol tne bNcHanSe. OnlOn Faclnc mas closed at 175 the day before. It opens 0 | full point higher. There are transactions | of o0,O0O shares in the first quarter hour,
 but yours is not among them. The papers | give vivid accounts of the wild scramble
 to buy Union Pacific. It rapidly mounts
 to 1SO, and then you get action on your | little 100-share order.
 l Possibly the order clerk sells you that | particular stock He was there at the
 start; you were somewhere else. He is | on the inside; you are on the outside. ! Besides, you are producer" The clerk nets nearly s5OO as the result of his sa-
 gacity. The floor manager sells his stock. ! Smith & Jones dispose of theirs, and the
 dummy account Is richer by s25,O00. There l is no difficulty In doing this. The firm s l own customers stand ready to buy the l stock at the market The publics orders 1 are now being filled, not at 175, but at
 1So, and perhaps higher. The market may 1 rise still higher and you may be able to l sell later at a profit but the chances are ten to one that professional bear clique
 will smash Union Pacific back to 175 or l below.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
EXTRAORDINARY SCANDALL
 CROPS OUT AT PARIS
BY PAUL VlLLlERS.

visit as a result of which he also was arrested and there is every reason to be- lieve that very influential persons will be drawn into the affair.
 A notable trial has just come to an
 end at Rouen, the prisoner being Por-
 tuguese subject named Diego Jao de
 Campos, who attempted to murder Mime.
 Lemaitre with the object of stealing 5000
 from her. The prisoner, a handsome
 young fellow of 21, came to Paris in
 1908 in order to perfect himself In the
 French language. He styled himself the
 son of a baron and made the aeauaint-
 ance of Mile. Marguerite Jardon, with
 whom he led a gay life.
 When his funds became scarce quar- rels between the couple occurred. and one day the Portuguese fired revolver against the young woman. The latter's mother tolerated the relations between her daughter in the hope that an ad- vantageous marriage would result. 1 The time came when Diego Jao de Cam l pos lived at the expense of the Jardons l They grew tired of keeping him. The | Jardons were dealers in antique and the | Portuguese ran off with 5000 belonging 1 to them.
 Mme Lemare, another daughter of the ] Jardons and her sister heard that Cam 1 pos was at Trouville and met him in | front of the Casino there. There was a i quarrel and Mime, Lemaire threatened to l have him arrested.
 | On his admission that the bonds fnd
 money he had stolen were at Havre, | they took. the first boat for that port, | the Portuguese accompanying them. He l had not lied. The bonds and money were | there Mime. Lemaire decided to return | to Trouville via Rouen and took Campos | with her. The latter declares that Mime. | Lemaire was in love with him. and be- l cause he would not return her affection
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

private apartments at Laeken and in other palaces, and had been bought by the present Kings father. They had therefore nothing to do with the art treasures belonging to the nation. Of these canvasses which do not number more than 40 or so my informant bought a dozen. Among them were two exam ples of Franz Hals. one child playing with cards; a well known Habbema landscape, Cottages Under the Oaks" corresponding with the famous Water NIilr' in the Louvre, and two pictures by Rubens, one which is Miracles by St. Benoit"
 The dealer told me that the King showed himself very shrewd man to deal with and sold only at his own price, which, however, agreed very well with the value of the paintings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
The Doctor Knew.

One of the local officials of Chicago tells of plumbers apprentice, who, on his way to work one morning, called at the office of the health authorities and made known his wish to register his fathers death. When the clerk asked the date of the demise, the son replied:
 He ain't dead yet, but he will be be- fore night. I thought 1t would save me another journey if you put it down
 That won't do at all" said the clerk. Perhaps your father will live for long while yet"
 apprentice, doubtfully The doctor says he won't, and he knows what he has given him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

Ing about 1t. The most remarkable thing about the negro and the automobile thai ! have seen happened the other after noon out on Westminster street. big double-seated padded car went whizzing up the street with a white man who looked as If he was sad with himself at the steering gear and back in the ton neau were lady and gentleman of color having the time of their lives. When they went by some one began to whistle. I've a White Man Working for Me, and they looked the part"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

she scratched his face. Then, he adds, he lost his head and shot her.
 This tragic occurrence took place in the train Campos left the train in which Mime. Lemaire was found covered with blood and two days later he was arrest ed at Havre under another name. Mime. Lemaire, in her evidence, declared that at Havre Campos appeared to be so pen itent that she felt sorry for him. During the train journey from Havre he restored the bonds and money, which she placed in her corSage.
 At Oissel where they had to change, she had become drowsy, and was reused by violent shock. The compartment was in darkness. There were two re- volver shots, one of the bullets entering her left eye. Then Campos attempted to strangle her, and ran off with the bonds and money. She described as pure invention the story that she was in love with Campos The prisoner was sen fenced to seven years in the penitentiary and forbidden to reside in France for another ten years.
 The superior council of the navy held an important meeting this morning at the admiralty to consider the future of the French fleet. The secret of the dis cussion has been well kept, but there Is some reason to believe that no definite utclSlOll WdS Tedcileu, lOT IL IS d1lnOuHCeQ that another meeting is to be held next week.
 In order to recover the position which she so long occupied as the second naval power of the world France would have to be able to muster 60 battleships but the organic law sketched by M. Picard, the minister of the marine, allows only for 3S. In order to be able to muster even 3S battleships in 1918 19 battleships will have to be constructed within the next nine years.
 In spite of the seriousness of the situa- ton it is exceedingly doubtful whether the chamber will recognize the necessity of having a stronger fleet.
 I called to day on a picture dealer who has bought part of King Leopold s of Belgium collection. The pictures he told me came from the Kings private collection, which had been hung in the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
SPECIAL BARGAIN

$2500-New modern Broom cottage, cabinet mantels, bath, sewerage, electric wiring, a gem, close to cars, schools and churches, in growing section of best residence suburb; $500 cash, balance easy at cheap interest.
 A. w. HOLSTUN
 1917 First National Bank
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06
Why So Late Getting Home.

From Judge.
 Willie" inquired his mother, what makes you so late getting home from sch ool lately?"
 Its all on account of that cross-eyed new teacher. Why, she's so cross eyed that when she says Willie, you stay after schoolp every Willie in the class don't dare go home till she has pointed out the one she meant!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-06

I called to day on a picture dealer who has bought part of King Leopold s of Belgium collection. The pictures he told me came from the Kings private collection, which had been hung in the
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
WV YORK COMPANY WILL CURE
OR BURY, WHICHEVER YOU DESIRE

AK DC sThe latest idea in Industrial come
.sscn q Secretary Of State Koeng The proposed com
Z .. cny for the living. but lay away in
~ fnA Is the style compatible with the means and
4 u friends family II is duplex corporation the first
nd far known proposed in this state receipt
usrs considerable In tho department
a. ans With persons families to
aea and surgical the manufacture buying
i ealing and medical and surgical appliances
a. as su,erng with undertakers pur
sag and supplying the therefor and
,Ss entering Into contracts with persons and their fam
Il ~ burial persons their families the
4 Ae necessArles therefor"
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
MISCELLANEOUS

Crystal Glass Hand Lamp complete with burner
chmney worth Zoe Special
u Metal Polish for polishing slverpaed ware Ec
worth l0c box
Round Handle Stove shovels Is inches long o.
Clean Cut Perforated Pie Tins 9inch size; worth Ec
Daisy Pail Washboards handkerchief 1Hc
zinc rubbing surface Special lTJ
Letter Size Writing Tablet Sx10 quality ruled
regular Toe Special JG
White Bristol Salt Boxes with hinged and blue loo
decoration; worth 35c. Special JI
Lenox Laundry fEo
Chloride of Lime for dsnfccting and bleaching. t.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
Ev GENIAL SOUSE WANTS
Police CHIEF AS HIS GUEST

Desk Sergeant Frank pueett. "and
| want Chief Ward TO come over
aud have chicken dinner ON me "
What's thatfH demanded nueett.
Don't get gay with Thomas. %
fetorted the souscd one. "You put
the chief on the wire. want him
to- have a chicken feed on yours
truly"
A few moments later PAtrolman
Glen Humes gently led Thomas to
the place where they lock the
doors SO that You won't lose your
self
When Thomas came out OF Il
this morning he was released.
Tough luck Co get pinched be
cause you asked the chief 10 have
q feed. remarked Thomas. as he
did neat disappearing act through
the front door.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03

nslin Vas iailed last n alsn'
a ! Insisted that Police
~ dine with him In a ht
's.uni across the street
- headquarters.
\. altered the restaurant ,
4 1 few dollars aud a
20 az ,a
4 order Of ham and
Y. Il relapscd into a
- fellow diners lt
- lAal he was lonely lie
! y Daasllness until . hF'sh'
An midship
\. 4 the telephone Tom
4, wsFes hot
- here across the street
g ara. was the word
=. ever the wires to
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
GLOVES

London's Weekly Glove Sale Saturday
Ladies' 2Casp Kid Gloves all coors and sizes; OQo
regular al rs JOG
Dents 2Clasp Gace Kid Gloves size regular CT IN
R Ds"' e Ss%l kla Gloves regular $780, an sizes. $14S
s ssSss Wool ps G Gloves many value to 'e 25c
%any soo es S S9Ss also ss sp's $ 49c
hiSs" lps SS,' ss leather cuffs and Sc
s ss F p al SATURDAY Iass cuffs and fringe 49c
Mems Leather Finished and Unfinished all sizes
price Saturday, ........... JC
Mems Kid Gloves all coors In brown and all CT 1E
s76 Saturday pair ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. lZJ
Dents Other Makes Kid
lined with silk value $3.50 pair Saturday III
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03

what the Combine Dentist rcouiTe,
week 60 do, pud my price aaVef
you ncshalf the money. This ~
what the Dental War 10 MI about
EDWIN ], brown. ara First Az
tween Cherry and Columbia open
evenings until ? ana sundays uhtii
for the working People
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03

NcCkwPar
lace embroidery and other fancy trimmings value 1Eo
TO Ssc saturday 6V1
Our Entire Line of Ladies' Fancy Neckwear;
Csc Your choice Saturday, special TJC
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03

The Washington
Co "a q Inc nontiatn
naps 1T o. ethical
| Go charge high prices
and refuse Co guar
lnutpo Dental Warh +"
say n "a ethical
% charge low prices
FOR Dental Work
good enough 20 be
guaranteed. Scten
tific methods permit
80. O.. a.. H..
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
The Oriental Pool Rooms
4b--Pool Tsbies-4s
2h-Soio Tablaa9s

har restaurant. cigar stand and
seven chair barber shop. Largest
place OF the kind Ia the world. $40
cahh giNeh away daily i4i81b.f7
Third av.. between Pike and Union
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
Tor Sunday Dinner

Sh9loc knnHts Poultry and the
sges' ~ vhoice Meats can always be
had ~ the old reliable market
TitE PALACE NAnl<11T
znd aud iratrr.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-12-03
Top Skirts. $3.75

Atwood voIles seges Broadeloths
IN black blue brown
models choose from Of them uptodae
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1909-12-25
o~NE-DoLLAR BARG AIN.

The TWICE-A-WEEK Republi,
of st, Louis, Mo-, is making a
spesial Christmas offer of a three
year subscription to their paper
for $1.00. This rate will positive
ly not be good after December
81, 1909. Any number of sub
scriptions will be accepted at this
ridiculously low price while the
rate is in effect, from December
LIST to the 3lSt, but positively no
premiums or cash commission viii
be allawed. The $1.00 price is alb
solutely net.
The Twice-A- Week Republic is
the oldest, biggest and best me-
tropolitan semi-weekly newspaper
in the Southwest. You should
take advantage of this liberal of
fer and tell your friends and
neighbors about it.
Send your money to the st.
Louis Republic, ST.. Louis, Mo-,
without delay.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1909-12-25
Fine Watch Repairing

Watches are subject to almost
as many physical ailments as the
human body and require the same
skill in their treatment. The
mechanism of the watch is ex-
tremely delicate and it takes
years of careful study and expe-
rience to be able to know and
properly treat them. l have now
been at the watch bench fifty-six
years and there are now in this
county customers whose work
have done for fifty years. If you
have diamonds to reset or jewel.
.ry TO repair take them to George
p. Venable.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1909-12-25
Railroad Officials Here.

Cornelius Vanderbilt, who has
recently purchased stock in the
Missouri Pacific, with a special
train load of officials, secretaries.
stenographers, p%orters, chefs etc,
was in Lexington Friday night.
Mr., Vanderbilt was making a triI
of inspection over the system.
Owing to the cold weather, Mr..
Vanderbilt did not have the op,
portmity of coming up town and
con'ented himself with what his
servants provided in the way OF
refreshment. He did not even
telephone to any of his friends.
The party left Saturday morn.
ing over the river route.
The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1909-12-25
A Literary Analysis of American
Humor.

Mr.. Low claims, in effect, that
farce and not comedy is the
measure of American humorous
appreciation and that "a fine
discernment of the absurd" is
rare among us as compared with
what may, perhaps, be summed
up as a boisterous recognition of
the homogeneous. And doubtless
he is right. There is certainly,
for instance, a marked difference
between our own and the English
method of presenting the humor
of those odd examples of person
atty that we call characters.
We in America are neither poor
in queer types nor backward in
exploiting them. But it is our
literary habit to emphasize their
~queerneSs and let their normal
humanness Of it is lucky enough
to get into the picture) serve as
background; whereas your En-
glishman, in a like case, will nine
times out of ten go at it the other
way about and, by placing their
essential humanity in the fore
ground, leave the absurity of thei
oddness to dawn laughably upon
a "'finer discernment." 1t is only
fair to say in our own defense,
however, that if we are somewhat
slow at learning to practise the
subtler method, we seem to be
making progress in esteeming it.
We have long, to cite a simple
case, given a ready appreciation
to w. W. Jacobs, who may be de-
scribed in this regard as writing
for beginners.-J. G. Kerfoot, in
January Eyerybody's Magazine.