Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1909-08-03
AUGUST ASSUMPTIONS.

August was originally the month
of sextilis, the sixth month from
March, when the primitive Romans
began the year. In the time OF
Augustus Caesar resolution was put
before the Roman senate by Agrippa,
who was the Aldrich of that body,
providing for changing the name in
honor of the leigning power. The
resolution was strongly opposed by
the insurgent republicans and the
democrats, but was finally passed,
through the Vaccinations of Agrippa
and M8cenas, the latter being the
Joe Cannon of the Roman senate.
August originally had twenty-nine
days and the Romans felt that this
was enough. Wausau people who
have sweltered the past few days also
believe that twenty-nine days, or
less number, is enough for this month.
Augustus Caesar was puffed up sort
of rooster, much as are some of the
Marathon county farmers whose crop
exhibits win blue ribbons at the state
fair. Because the month had been
named in honor of him he added two
days to it, and only the entreaties of
the "plain peepul retrained him
from slapping on two or three more.
1t is announced by the Edgar Specu
lum that Jol:e 2. Rockefeller will, on
three days of this month, give away
money to universities founded for
rich mems sons. On the other
twenty eight days he will get it all
back from the common herd.
The moon broke the laws of pro-
priety and decency on the lst and got
full. Mercury is now the evening
star. The consumer may save enough
money SO that he can eat on the 8th
and 2lst. No trusts will be busted
this month. The canning season has
returned, and the sugar trust will
manage to make us pay that one or
two odd million it was damaged when
Uncle Sam attempted to thwart it in
its deep laid plot to bust us. 0, that
the mad consumer might lay one trust
in its coffin with some invention
where he did not sting himself so
often.
On the 22d the month will pass
from the influence of Leo the Lion to
that of Virgo. Persons born under
Virgo lack the audaciousness which
make Aldriches and Cannons. People
born under Virgo will never be
accused of attempting to mail letter
in fire alarm box.
The chautauqua season begins this
month and the following are some of
the prevailing rates for lecturers: q.
S. senators, insurgent, $500; stand
pat, $3.50; democrats voting with Aid
rich, discretionary. Congressman,
heard of, $500; unheard of, $50. Gov
ernors, republican who ran ahead of
Taft, 81, 800; who have detied federal
courts, $3.50. Sufragettes, pretty,
50, 500; intellectual, $4O0.
During this month the farmer will
survey his parched crops and pray for
a rainstorm, while the NANCY dog
will get oyerheated and have brain
storm. 1t will be great month for
mosquitoes, and campers are warned
against having their hides punctured
and debated by the Mosinee variety
If at any time during this month
one of the PILoT's subscribers will
make us a long time loan of $l.50, so
we can pay grocery bills, we will give
him as premium copy of 81 subse-
quent issues of our paper. This is
very liberal offer and we should have
many responses. There are number
of people wearing out their pockets
carrying some of our money around
To these we have special offer to
make. Call at the Office ticket win
dow fer particulars. During August
of each year we make a special at
tempt to please all our customers by
giving them fine grade of stationary
or other printing. This we do at a
small return of profit for ourselves.
Call and let US talk it over with you.