davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
VARIOUS VERSES
ON TIMELY TOPICS
THE PROFESSOR.

He trained goose to multiply and add up ana
subtract;
He taught spotted pig to waltz-it was q funny
act;
He coaxed a billy goat to jump through hoops
- which We're affame.
He taught chipmunk how to choose the letters
Of its name
But ne could never learn to cease TO use his
toothpick where
And when such action gave o6cnse-or else he
did not care.
He trained dog to walk 4 -spe ana taught
cat to pray.
He said himself this took hard work which
lasted many day:
lie hi'ch"d an alligator up and made Il pull q
cart,
His perseverance was immense. his teaching was
art
But he conid never train himself. somehow, to
his life.
To quit endeavorins to scoop his food up with
his knife.
He trained mouse to dance q Jig. he edu-
Gated heas:
He had carriage which was drawn BY har-
messed humble bees:
He taught a turkey gobbler how to balance on
his head.
And trained duck to nstten out pretending to
be dead.
But he could never train himself-er else b.
never tried
To speak good English aud to put vulgarly
aside.
Chicago Record Herald.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
The AIRfARIN' PIRATES TALE.

II ulster fly in a pirut ship" says the alrfarin'
tar. says he
''she was manned by the blocdiest airynauts
that ever man did see
She'd six wings her starboard side, II I
rightly recolleck,
And was the cap'n Of the craft and walked
the parachute deck.
I'VE boarded a ship q mile above the top Of
old Pixies Peak
'Twere Chinese crew. and they walked the
plank too bloody scared to squeak;
We found six million taels aboard and cached
en- then and there
In the midst OF big cloud that hung like an
Island In the air.
1.-The very week our plrut ship hit the F1atron
building Shoal.
And grabbin' a parachute saved me-but I vas
the only soul:
sence then I've been drlftin' round. . hopin' to
strike that cloud,
Where bid the gold in tho strenuous days Of
the arshp pirut crowd.
But the cloud amt near Pixies Peak no more
but it's driftin' round the earth.
Ana Its leading me a merry chase aud u'0
loSin' weight and girtf:
So take the advice Of airship tar-when az
freebootin' flight
Don't hide yer gold upon a cloud unless Il x
anchored tight"
Arthur Chapman in the Denver Republican.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
The Census Bill.

Congress should not adjourn without
final action on the census bill. If II Is
found that the bill in the shape in which
it has already passed both houses cannot
be passed over the Presidents veto the
measure should be reshaped to meet the
executive objections and enacted into law
in that form. There is no possible justi-
fication for postponement of this i'm
portant item to the next Congress, even
though 1t Is known that Congress will
meet in extra session almost Immediately
after the 4th of March. The extra ses-
sion is to be called for q special purpose
the enactment of a tariff law. 1t is pos
sible that the committees necessary for
the transaction of general legislative bust
that in consequence Congress will be un-
able to proceed with other matters than
the revision of the tariff
|. 1t is impossible to organize the work of
the census office on the basis of the decen-
NAL enumeration in less than year. The
country expects this work to be thor
oughly and carefully done, and If the
census bill is not enacted before the 18th
! Of March it is altogether probable that a
| loose, inadequate organization OF the bu-
reau will result from the haste caused
| by the postponement and tardy legisla-
ton.
The issue between the President and
Congress Is simple one. Congress has
voted, in the face OF widespread senti-
ment and in contrayention Of the estab-
lished policy OF the government, to organ
ize the census bureau for the next emu
meration under the old spoils system,
with a pretense of examinations to de-
termine fitness The President insists
that such an organization cannot be other
than ineffective, and he turns the bill
back to Congress on this ground alone
as an inadequate meeting Of the govern
ment's needs. The country at large I'M
doubtedly approves OF the merit system
as applied to the public service.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
FAME.

he toiled for fame. both day and night: cen
as youth he dreamed about
The time when he would reach the top and
men would pause TO point him out.
He got Il raise in pay and said, AT last to
fame I'm my way,
I'll be leader very soon, I'll be accounted
great some day"
Ahead OF him there loomed place, with greater
power than he possessed,
To win that station for his own, he went to
work with fervent zest;
That gained. still higher up he saw q crown that
he would like to wear,
Il shall be famous then he said, "and men
shall know me everywhere"
But fame. elusive. lodged him STILL distinction
seemed to pass him by,
But undscouraged he kept on, though he'd not
caught the public eve;
He had both wealth and power: indeed the
papers used to print his name. >
But deep within his heart he knew Che had net
reached the goal Of fame.
One morning in his mail be saw a strangely
colored envelope,
He opened it and found within the elimination
Of his hope,
The lecture platform called to him-he pictured
audiences vast.
No longer need he doubt himself he was a IA.
at last!
Detroit Free Press.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
The Local Lincoln Centenary,

The present preparations for local
commemoration of the Lincoln centenary
next Friday are of a character to insure
full expression of sentiment here at the
National capital. The committee in
Charge has arranged a program of eXcep-
tional merit, the speakers being chosen
both for their personal acquaintance with
the martyred President and for their ora
torical ability. 1t is to be questioned
whether any of the numerous Lincoln
meetings to be held on Friday throughout
the country will be more impressive,
more significant than this.
Following wise policy the committee in
charge has decided to issue no invitations
or tickets. but to throw the meeting hall
open to the public without restriction or
favor. In the circumstances the place
should be filled. Washington should tes-
fifty by great outpouring Of people to its
reverence for the Lincoln memory and
TO its interest in the perpetu;ltion Of his
name as an inspiration to posterity
1t was here in Washington that Lincoln
did the work which made him a world
figure. the work which prevented the dis
solution OF the republic. Here he attained
great height, at which he commanded
the entire national situation as the mas
ter spirit of the period. Here he was
stricken down in the hour of his greatest
usefulness. the hour Of the country's most
urgent need of his wisdom, his patience
and his sagacious knowledge of men and
conditions.
1t is especially BETTING that Washing
ton should commemorate the Lincoln
birthday. inasmuch as it Is expected that
here will be erected. by virtue of the con-
gressional action taken at this session.
the nations monumental tribute to the
war President. If Congress has not by
Friday adopted a resolution insuring be-
yond doubt such memorial. of an ade-
Quate character. the ceremonies of that
day should serve as an effective reminder
OF this imperative duty
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
Democracy in New York.

There was a discussion in the New York
senate the other day of democracy. ana
a man who had voted against Mr.. Bryan
I'm 1896 and 1900, for Judge Parker IN
1904. against Mr. Hearst for governor In
1906 and against Mr.. Bryan again IN
1908 failed to pass muster. He had been
nominated by Gov Hughes as the demo-
cratic member of a bipartisan pubic
board and a coalition of democratic and
republican senators decided against his
claims to such consideration. Gov.
Hughes thought he was a democrat and
the man himself thought SO, but Thomas
T. Grady, the Tammany leader, and
John Raines the republican leader. took
the other view of the matter and the
nomination was rejected.
This man had great deal Of demo-
cratic company in the three stands he
took against Mr.. Bryan and the one
against Mr. Hearst. New York state
gave Mr.. Mckinley two rousing major
tiles. and even the city gave Judge Taft
a ma ;ority AS for Mr.. Hearst, his de-
feat was accomplished with the open aid
of many of the most prominent demo-
Gratis in the commonwealth.
The argument supporting the action of
those who bolted Mr.. Bryan and Mr..
Hearst was that the policies they repre-
scented were not democratic. Their nomi-
nations were regular but their plat
did not follow the lines of the party's
professions and traditions. Hence the
large number of men who. with demo-
cratic records hitherto unbroken, sup
ported Mr.. Mckinley In 1896, and again
in 1900. and, while returning to the party
In 1904 to vote for Judge Parker, left 1t
in 1908 because of the return of the party
TO Organism.
These men stood and stand. very high
at home. They are prominent in the
professions. in business, in the churches.
They have no apologies to offer for their
course. The odds are easily a hundred to
one that If Mr.. Bryan leads again in
l3l2 they will vote against him again.
This is tine, but it must be admitted
that it has its perils for those with an
eye on public station. Politicians at such
times are very cautious. They know the
value of regularity. Judge Parker was
in no sympathy with Mr.. Bryan in the
latters first races for the presidency but
supported him. Had he not done SO, he
would have been an impossibility at St
Louis in 1904. A bolter's record would
followed his nomination no fact was more
emphasized than his support of Mr. Bryan
at times when so many New York demo
Gratis were giving aid and comfort to the
enemy.
Grady and Raines belong to different
parties, but hold the same views as re-
spects party government and responsible
ity. They work together whenever they
think ii necessary to furnish irregularity
in party matters. Mr.. Grady In asking
for the rejection of Gov. Hughes nominee
offered himself as an example of what q
party man should be.
Admitting that Mr.. Hearst had SCARED
him from toe to crown. he yet boosted OF
having supported the latter for governor
Will Gov. Hughes be forced In the end
to take regular, even if the man should
be of the kind that Tammany always
wants to see in office? He must submit,
his choice to the senate, and Tammany
and Mr.. Raines control that body
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07

was down from overwork, and Billy set
him up. He followed all the directions
early to bed and early to rise; just SO
much and no more at table: tramp IN
the morning, and a horseback ride IN the
late afternoon; a little try with the
gloves. with Billy showing how: cigar
and chat about things in general foF
dessert He came back delighted Win
Billy, and left Billy delighted with him.
This time he goes off . to Arkansas
miles from home. and a stranger. Loses
his bearings, and makes his game knee
worse. Did the hot baths attract him:
Billy can heat water at his place. Me-
dcinal properties Of the water? You can
mix all sorts of medicines with York state
water, which in York state Is used pr1ncl-
pally for bathing purposes.
What took Mr.. Root to Arkansas! Is
Judge Taft responsible? The President
elect. seeking rest and recuperation, went
south, and found both: The climate, the
company. the cuisine all suited him. AT
times the holiday became rather strenu-
ous He had to hustle to keep up with
the procession. The hospitality he found
did not snare even a robust gentleman
under a warm sun.
But Mr.. Root must be careful. He
cannot afford all that Judge Taft can.
The latter has just received national
Endorsement; ALI sections are his. Georgia
is but another spelling for Ohio. While
President he will be at home In any
state of the Union. He has his choice
of climates, recreations. cures. and all
that sort Of thing. He will best manifest
himself by using the good things every
where.
Not SO Mr.. Root. He has just received
the Endorsement of his home people for
the highest office within their gift. They
are for him first OF all. and he should
be for them. In health he should enjoy
himself among them: in sickness he
should seek strength again among them.
Root should have no ailments that York
state cannot heal. His people must con-
tinue his people, and their baths, hot
or cold. his baths.
This one errcr will probably not count.
MIR. Root is new to elective Office and
to popular leadership. He Is but enter
ing upon a course which calls for the
popular view Of things. He must remem-
Der everybody who is. or may become, a
factor in his following. All sorts and
conditions of men are necessary to sue
cess in capturing or holding place at
election day approaches. Mr.. Root. should
he then labor with a game knee, a rum
down constitution. or q fit Of depression,
must seek relief in York state rather than
in Arkansas.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
Mr.. Root in Arkansas.
This Is from Hot Springs. Ark.

His unfamiliarity with the topography
of the mountains about Hot Springs cost
Senator-elect Elihu Root an extra tramp
OF six miles today.
Starting out alone for short stroll.
Mr. Root lost his way, and before he
could find path leading back to the city
he had Travelled six miles. rather TO the
detriment of his injured knee. which he
sprained recently in Washington
Now, If Mr.. Root had been at Billy
MuIdoon's place over In York state he
would not have lost his way. He knows
the paths all around those digginss. and.
besides. IN his tramps would have had
Billy for companion.
Wonder why 1t was he did not go TO
Billy's place this time? When he went
there several years ago he Jared well. He
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
The WEATHER PROPHET.

From the Birmingham News.
Wherever the ground hog may have got
ten his reputation weather fore
caster it seems to be well nigh impossible
to rob him Of it.
From the Detroit Free Press.
If the ground hog says that he did
not see his shadow, you have right to
suspect that he was bribed, that he Is
CRATER and that he had an original
idea Of putting up a job on the weather
man and that the weather man will fool
him.
From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
Oh, we'll, the ground hog had better
hurry in or he'll be wet with warm
shower.
From the Chicago News.
People who are superstitious find the
ground hog as fit subject to be super
stitfous about as anything.
From the Richmond Times Dispatch.
On this happy February morning the
poor old ground hog il sadly realizing
his utter inability to deliver forty days
Of bad weather in the most dramatically
geo-lorious section OF the known universe
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07

From the indianapolis Star.
The Panama idea Is that all the dams
are safe after being tested by Mr.. Tafts
standing on them.
From the Newark Star.
DISPATCHES say Taft is to hurry home
from Panama Must have got wind Of a
plan to banquet him on some freak native
monster.
From, the Providence Journal.
Mr- Taft, after personal inspection
of the canal Job, along with his engineers,
may have been reassursd as to- the sub
foundations by the circumstance that
nowhere did the ground give way under
his own live weight.
From the Cleveland Leader.
The sea-level canal party has made
long game fight, but Taft sat on it,
hopes, at Panams, and fattened them
out entirely.
From the Toledo Blade.
Mr.. Taft has inspected fourteen miles
of the Culebra cut, and SO far n learned
he regards e - IN artistic piece OF
work.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

If / see a pocke!book
Lying OIL the ground
Should l waste my time to look
TIL the owners found:
Should ! widely advertise?
Would that course be very wise.
Tell me. please. what you would do
If it were you?
II there's credit still unclaimed
When my part is small
Should l very much he blamed
IL | took Ii all?
If the others did not care
Very much about their share?
Tell me. please. what you would do
IL it were you?
If there's any pie to grab
Is II such a sin
That man should snatch q slab,
Boldly butting in?
If it's push and press for pelf
Wouldn't you hog some yourself?
Tell me. please. what you would d
IL Ii were you?
Chicago News.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
Porto Rica.ns.

Friends Of the measure granting citizen
ship to the Porto Ricans are discouraged
at the outlook. The bill should become
a law. The republican party is commit
ted to it, and the President has recon-
mended it. Porto Rico is prosperous
and her people are living obed1ently to
the laws Of the United States. Why
should not they be citizens? They vel
coined our first appearance IN the island.
they have INDUCED in no instructions.
they desire citizenship. The long delay
about the matter, and the refusal Of a
freer market in this country to the Fill
pinos, are not creditable to us as the new
sovereign in those countries.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
BELLlCERENT NEVADA.

From the Louisville Courier Journal.
And now they are making great to-
do in the Nevada legislature about bar
ring out the. Japanese. But do Japanese.
OF anybody else. have any desire to
migrate to Nevada?
From the Buffalo Express. -'~--
The Nevada legislature announces its
entire willingness to go to war with
Japan. The defense Of our coasts should
be left to the Nevada legislature.
From the Hartford Courant
Nevada's fierceness would be merely
laMghab3e~ If we, could be quite sure that
the friendly but sensitive and very seri-
ous-minded nation on the other side OF
the Pacific will see the joke. But in the
actual uncertainty on that point 1t Is
not a laughing matter.
From the Pittsburg Gaxetts-Times.
OF course. tho fact that sho 10 0 long
distance inland has nothing to do with
Nevada's bold attitude toward the JAP
anese -.'
From the Columbus Evening Dispatch.
Nevada Is also bidding In very bad Eng
lish and sne0r for . little Anu-JAp-
anese notoriety.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07

put him on his feet again. and his
health since has been remarkable.
Never In all his life before has he
known such strength as he has recently
felt. And 1t is the Dingley prescription.
changed only to suit present conditions,
that Is now being prepared. The doc
tors and the physic are all right. {.
Concluding, the Herald observes:
1T is evident that the specialists Of
the ways and means committee are uD-
able to agree upon the nature Of their
prescription. What will happen when
the case is placed in the hands of the
greater body of less skilled practitlon-
ers in Congress?" 49,
There are no specialists on the WAYS
and means committee. The members
know their own districts well. and nave
q general knowledge of the tariff.
When the bill is reported to the House
1t will find there many members as
competent to deal with 1t as the men
who have prepared it. In that fact Is the
chief safety. All interests will be rep
resented and all interests heard in the
debates.
1t Is we'll to remember that the bill
In preparation will be no more than a
recommendation to the House. It will
be open to change in any or all OF its
provisions. Many changes are certain
to be made. Some provisions may be
completely eliminated; others material
ly amended. Then will come the action
of the Senate, which may still further
change the aspect Of things.
Somehow it is difficult to take the
Herald seriously in this matter. Its
so1icitude for the business world Is
natural enough, but how can it advo-
cate violation Of the promise the re-
publican party made the country, and
by it in part secured a new lease OF
power:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
SIGNS OF AGE.

So. am growing old. you say;
/ walk in q decrepit way;
And growing thinner:
My hair is absolutely gray,
My books are all the stupid Kind
That entertain a senile mind;
And somehow ] am dsinclincd
To dress for dinner.
I smoke a pipe most Of the time;
] hate to walk too far or climb;
In fact. summed up completely, I'm
4 true back number;
! read my morning paper twice,
I'm always offering advice;
Amusement serves but to entice
My wits to slumber.
take a drop or two at nigtts
] rise almost before tits light:
] must confess ] am not quite
So young and sporty:
] cut my coupons twice a year
OF course You do not call that queer
OF course nOt!-Come to think, my dear.
You, too. are forty!
Julian Durand In New York Sun.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
The Tariff as a Physic.

The standpat New York Herald. return
ing to it's favorite topic, asks:
"Why not let we'll enough alone? Why
at such time experiment with tar1n
physic? If industry and trade were SUI
fering from protracted illness. with no
signs Of recovery. there might be some
excuse for resorting to nostrums, but
there is none whatever when the patient
is in fine health, albeit rendered trine
nervous by fear that Congress may insist
upon dosing him. All he asks at this
time is to be let alone-to be permitted
TO 20 about his business undisturbed.
How does the Herald explain the cam
paign of last fall and the vote In No
yember? Did not tariff revision figure
prominently then? Were not both parties
committed to it? Did not Judge Taft
promise an extra session Of Congress to
deal with the subject?
Only three months have elapsed since
the people at the polls gave Judge Taft
an overwhelming ma jority, and Endorsed
with other things his attitude toward
the tariff. What. has happened in that
time to show that the people have re-
GREETED their action? Through what me-
dium have they expressed a wish that
no revision take place? There are stand
patters, of course. but in what numbers?
What justification would there be for
turning to them and disregarding the No.
vember verdict?
Proceeding, the Herald says:
..Tariff physic is always disturbing. and
i'm some instances In the past has proved
very nearly fatal. What sense Is there In
keeping otherwise healthy industry,
finance and trade In a state of apprehen-
sion during weeks and months of pre-
Iiminary discussion and in still worse
state for a longer period or readJust-
,nent after the Washington doctors
shall have prepared and administers
their prescription
1t all depends on the doctors and
their prescriptions Doctors German
and Wilson brought the patient very
low. Only his wonderful vitality saved
him. Doctor Dingley. on the other hand.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
LULLABY.

By-low, baby. byei
List to papa's yell;
Can't you hear him cry:
where's the umber-ell?''
Hear the falling rain
'Gainst the window. petl
Yes. tits pretty plain
Papa Will get wet!
By-low. baby-hushi
See, from near and far,
People on the rush.
Wading to the car!
Watch your papa trip
Through the slime and mud
There! he's made a slip
Down he goes-ker-thud!
By-low, baby fair!
Can't you go to sleep?
Hear the waters there
In the cellar creepi
Gurgling soft and low.
ROusfng mammals ire,
When she has to go
Down to fix the firei
Bylow. baby sweet,
There's the postman, pet!
Md on both his feet.
Hear him swearing yet!
By-lOw. baby-there.
Close your little beak,
Ma must find out where
The roof has sprung leak!
Los Angeles Express.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
CURRENT CHIvALRY.

OF Rolands we have no supply,
No Bayard issues his def
In strident tones.
But we can always make good with
A fellow by the name Of Smith
Or maybe Jones.
When the Republic" danger met
We had NO bold Plantagenet
Encased in tins.
But fame got busy Just the same.
Produced a man to play the game
Yclept Jack Binns
Louisville Coulter Journal
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
OVER And over.

The old mill gr.nds.
The gay brook winds.
And seward bastens fast.
The miller then
Grinds not again
With water that u pest.
The humorist
Doth old jokes twist.
And In the hopper east,
Tho old yoke mill
Can grind at will
With humor that IL past.
Houston ChRQo
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-07
Great Abundance.

"Wby don't they put the great speeches
~ statesmen into the school books as
they used tor
Because" answered Senator Sorghum
they are made 30 rapidly now that no
school book publisher could keep up with
them"