davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-04-26
DIED.

CorrER-April s2. 1909, Margaret Cot
ter. aged ~ years, OF South WOODS
lee. Ont. widow of Edward Cotter
and mother OF John and STEPHEN, "
DctroIt: Joseph, OF Cleveland. FRANK
OF 81 Louis. Mo: Mrs Fred Meyer
OF Detroit and Mrs. Charles Carr OF
Chicago. Burial Monday. April 20
CAMPAU--En into rect: Harr,e'
seph Funeral from residence; SOY
Brush-st, Monday. at y. m. Burial
private. Buffalo papers please copy
DANFORTH-April 81 1909. at me res
Park Estellee Horace. husband OF
Mrs. Flora A. Danforth Burial AT
Ovid, Mich.
EASTERLY-April %. VIM l. beloved
OF Lawrence Easterly. interment at
Milan. Mich.
MAuER-Aprii ei. 1902. Gertrude;
widow of the late Peter Mauer. and
mother OF Michael Mauer. Mrs. Joseph
HOFFMAN, and Mrs. Sebastian Feist,
aged 81 years. Funeral from resi-
dence, $50 Riopelle-sts Mondayi a, :
at $50 o'clock.
gIEMEN--Minnie, widow OF the late
Jacob Siemen, April %. at Shake
speare, Ont Funeral Monday, y.
m from las Toledo ave, and 2:So
from from Evan. Lutheran church or
the Messiah. cor. West Grand-blvd.
and Toledo-ave.
w Eft--ApIli 80 l'NFt AZ ~
r., beloved husband OF Hulda Welt
Iaufer and father OF Edward. Fred.
Emma wettlaufer and Mrs. Edward
Tuck. age 81 years. Funeral from
HIS late residence. 172 Field-ave.,
Monday p, ~ -.
wILKfE-April 20. Amy wilkie, at the
residence OF her parents. 32S Maple
St Funeral Monday at 1850 o'clock.
VAN DAMME--April 81, Mary Van
Damme, nee With, age ss years. be-
loved mother OF Mrs George Martin,
Hlidegarde. Katherine and Felix.
Funeral from residence. e31 Forest
ave east Monday at a, IN. to st.
EliEabeth's church at $3.50
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-04-26

MICH CREMATION ASSOCIATION. !
Dor cent interest certificate good for
one cremation. r. y. Kolb. Treas
and General Manager, 1895 E. bouis-
ward. Phone Ridge SIS.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-04-26

no feathers. The plain, neat kind that
looks right. Tfmss Prfntfng Co. No
Is John R--st- Phone 1tes.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

wine. exhilarated by stimulants or any
thing polite of that sort: they were just
palpably and plainly and boisterousy
and indecently drunk. The very great
majority of them were young and
superbly dressed women: the great ma
jority OF them, too were women who
would promptly go into Mysteries IL. in
their sober senses. they were accused OF
being anything other than absolutely re-
spectacle. All regard for mere appear
anees is tossed to the winds even In the
leading restaurants Of New York on New
Yer eve.s
All hands are supposed to know every
body at the New York restaurants on
when you read about it. sounds sort Of
friendly. neighborly and In conformity
with the holiday spirit. 1t would be all
of that. and agreeable enough. If it were
confined to mere neighborliness. But
drunken folk can't and don't remain Just
neighborly. They get fresh. And that
is the reason that there are fights galore
in these New York restaurants on New
Year eve. A man who is not especially
intoxicated himself cannot, as a matter
of course, be expected to feel any great
thrill Of elation when some highly burned
individual In evening clothes whom he
moment reels over to his table. These
are the sort Of incidents that start the
rough-houses, and, as I say. there are
plenty OF them. Two or three scraps
thst I myself saw last year were pretty
serious. But. after the scrappers have
been hurled out by the reinforced bounc-
ing STATS, the "hilarity." If you'd care
to call it that. goes right on.
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
Arms and the Trust President.

D ICHARD HARDING DAVIS. at a
n playwright's dinner in New York.
ridiculed the pretensions of certain snob-
bish American families to be descended
from Charlemagne, William the Con-
queror, Richard Occur de Lion and so
forth.
You see," said Mr.. Davis, proofs of
such descent are very easily obtained.
herald, suitably remunerated. will trace
a man back to the pre-Adamite kings,
just leaving a slight gap to indicate, you
know, the food.
"Once a millionaire trust president went
to a herald for coat Of arms. He knew
none OF his ancestors, nor had he any
means of tracing them
"'Oh, we'll arrive at something yet,
the undiscouraged herald said. Tell me.
now, if you have ever performed any
signal or heroic feat on your own &C
count
WELL said the millionaire. I was
once in jail and I escaped by saving the
bars of a fourth-story window.
land how did you get down from that
great height?' the herald asked.
We'll. there was lofty statue OF
George Washington In front of the win
dow and 1 tied rope to that and slid
down.
Good cried the herald. 'Lineally
descended from George Washington! Wen
give you Washington's arms. of course :
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

cidentally. who recently gave out re-
markable statement on air navigation.
He claimed, in few brief remarks. SEN
sational in effect, but devoid of frills,
that he had built an aeroplane SO capable
of sustained flight that. although he did
not consider 1t perfected as yet. he had
already made the trip from Boston to
New York and return. He also said that
the time his machine could remain in the
air was limited only by the amount Of
fuel possible to be carried. But the most
absolutely interesting and revolutionary
portion of his statement was to the
eff ct that on this same Boston-New York
trip his motor had broken down and that
his machine scared without power for
more than forty minutes, while two me-
chanics he had along with him repaired
the damage.
OF cou. se-and very naturally, too
when Mr.. Tilinghast relieved his system
of this line of conversation there
though the gentleman in question ap-
pears to bear most excellent reputation
in his home town. 1t Is appreciated, how
ever, by the majority of people. that when
a man is bitten by the scientific bug-and
it doesn't make any difference IL 1t is
aeroplanes or perpetual motion or what
not-he is liable to be a bit too optimistic
and announce what he intends to do as
what he has already done.
Just the same, ever since these reports
of night aeroplane flights and mysterious
lights in the air and all that sort of thing
have been coming from various points
gradually disappearing and most folks up
that way seem to have an idea that some
thing big in aerial navigation is impend-
ing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
London Street Numbers.

From the London Chronicle.
1t is the countryman who observes as
he walks. This Londoner has found the
curious lack of observation in himself
and his fellows, as they walk or ride
through London. An evening or two ago
there came a message from one end Of
the Strand. But which end? Where did
the numbers begin? A solemn adviser
reminded the inquirer that the numbers
are always supposed to start from the
nearest point to ST. Paurs. and that
therefore thirty-three should be close
at hand. The search for the number
brought the searcher to the western end
Of the Strand. And when you look
across the road you see the final num-
bers that run into the hundreds. The
numbers start from Charing Cross and
then run back again.
But did you ever know Of that alb
surdity? Had you ever observed the nom
sensical numbering OF our main streets!
1t is so nonsensical that you may put a
whole dinner party of West End fire.
quenterS through an examination, and
not one of them will give the number OF
the shop that Is part of their lives.
For the number means nothing at all to
any one but the postman. and he often
makes mistakes. This writer. a fire.
quenter Of Piccadilly. cannot tell from
which end the numbers start: but IL
you ask the constable. who Is a coun-
tryman, and observant, he will tell you.
And even then you will find strange gaps
in the sequence. Gaps that will give
you jumps.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

Mr.. Tillinghast, If he is the person re-
sponsible. ought to cut loose and tell us
all about 1t. Well give him enough
medals to make him round shouldered. And
II he has a machine Of the sort he says.
he can name his own price. We've got 1t.
whatever 1t Is.
BY we, I'd better explain, L don't mean
us. was speaking of Uncle Sam in the
plural.
4
I WONDER how many people turn the
: leaves Of the scrapbooks every Christ
mas holiday time. to read that often
republished editorial by the late Frank
P. Church. for many years an editorial
writer on the New York Sun, answering
the question of little girl: is there
Santa Claus" Read 1t when you are
sour and sore and disgusted: read 1t
when you are on the verge Of unbehef
In the usefulness of everything; read 1t
when you are in danger of becoming
selfish around this holiday time; read it.
young and old-everybody-and feel bet
ter. These are the concluding lines.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle
to see what makes the noise inside but
there is veil covering the unseen world
which not the strongest man, nor. even
the united strength of all the strongest
men that ever lived, could tear apart.
Only faith, fancy. poetry, love. romance
can push aside that curtain and view
and picture the supernal beauty and glory
beyond. Is it all real? All, Virginia, In
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

all this world there IL nothing else real
mo Santa Claus? Thank God he lives
and lives forever A thousand years from
now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten
thousand years from now, he will con-
tinue to make glad the heart OF child
hood"
- pleasant reverie.
"A Courts am he quoth aloud, - Courts Of
Tennessee
But .weaned I am from mime ancient homo, I've
been long away,
And I'll spend my Christmas, 1909, at Arundel
on-the Bay.
.''1is there l HE with quickened steps when
ever work is through,
And oft take for company husky friend or
l remember one who went 10 loaf; his blessed
name was Rea,' ..t
But he sawed four cords OF hickory wood at
Arundel-on- the-Bay.
"a good friend dug my cistern and another
bored my well,
Another PAINTED shutters and It took him quite
But I was glad to have him, and like my
friends to stay, --.,
For labor's scarce and mighty dear at Arundel
on.the- Bay.
But now a worry sears my mind. for what am
to do?
I've scanned a list OF all my friends; fear
I've run them through.
And when, with warmth and urgency, please
They ' shake their heads and spurn the dust of
,Arundel-on-theBay.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

automobile craze-which Is no longer
mere craze. come to think of 1t, but
habits devouring all Of the money
which might. and no doubt would, be
spent for other necessities or Injuries.
And the chances are that they are per-
fect1y right Folks do lop off good
many expenditures Of various BITS. par
ticularly OUTLAWS for luxuries. in order
to stake themselves to automobiles.
The diamond trade and the jewelry
trade In general suffer from the So
termed devouring automobile. The
Maiden Lane diamond dealers of this
town are positively lamentful on the
subject. They maintain. and give you
figures to prove the contention, that
Americans now are buying just about
one>half as many diamonds as they were
buying several years ago. and they give
statistics showing that the depression
in the general jewelry trade. altogether.
in their opinion. due to the money-ab-
sorbing automobile. is something start
ling.
When diamond dealers whose places
of business are on Maiden Lane begin
to advertise in the newspapers you may
know that they are pretty keen to turn
their goods into cash. But that's what
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

it, and you're merely taking a woman's
fool way of trying to fend off the truth by
pulling that tittering stunt.
II know that you know what mean all
right enough. l suppose. for example.
that whenever l strike a conversational
note around here that's half an inch
above the squalid affairs that occupy
your exclusive attention you don't begin
start to feed that bird. or pet that con-
founded mutt. or something like that.
hey? Deny that If you can!
You'll be telling me, perhaps. that you
read 'Thanatopsis' to you the other
night? Yes. sound. plumb asleep, and,
bling. you even snored-yes, snored!
II hate to say it, but there was a time
in my life. whether you elect to believe 1t
or not. when nobody could have con-
WINGED me that women-nice women. of
course, 1 mean-did such a shocking
thing as snore. l need not tell you. l
hope, how perfectly amazed and disap-
pointed I was when l first heard you
snore. 1t sure did pull the skids from be-
meath one Of my big illusions all right
enough.
whats that? OF course. I snore. Why
not? There you go again. Why shouldn't
a man snore? Who expects man not to
snore? Who finds anything shocking or
disagreeable or disiIlusioning in the sound
of a mans shores? That's expected OF
men. It's one Of their darned few privi-
leges.
you're just like all the rest OF the
pampered and over-indulged women OF
this country-you've got to the point
where you demand not only the preroga-
tlves which naturally belong to women,
but the privileges which naturally inhere
solely to men.
..Thats what You want to beat the
game both ends from the middle. coming
and going. and bedogged If you don't
come pretty nigh doing 1t, at that come
to think Of 1t.
"All the same. you needn't try to work
that old gag OF trying to switch me on
on a side track whenever I get on GER
tain line OF conversation. l was endeav-
oring to tell you how mortihed-Worse
than that how hurt-I was when the
other night you went sound asleep on me
when l was trying to read 'Thanatopsis'
aloud to YOU. How's that? 1t was late,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
Marriage Age Advancing.
ON the London Mail.

From the London Mall.
The average age OF the community 10
becoming older, II was pointed out by the
president of the Royal Statistical Society
recently. 1t is interesting to note that the
age OF marriage has also the same tend
ency. According to the available returns
as many as 10000 girls marry In England
in a year under the age OF twenty-one.
that is, In less than one-seventh OF the
marriages registered. Thirty years. gen.
GRAFTON ago, more than one-fifth of the
women marrying in year were minors
Another interesting fact that seems to
prove this tendency TO later marriages is
provided by the figures for the last dec
ade In 1907 the number of marriages
of women between the ages OF twenty-one
and twenty-five was just over 5000 more
than In 1898. while the marriages of wom-
en- between the ages OF twenty-five and
thirty increased by just over 1900.
The average or mean age OF all spin
sters who married In 1895 was twenty
five years and one month. This has ad-
yanced to twenty-five years and six
and a half months in the last available
returns Widows at their second and
third marriages are also older, having ad
vanced from an average of forty years
and seven months to forty years and
eleven months.
Thus spinster brides are nearly six
months and widow brides four months
older than those Of few years ago.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
SPARKERS AND SPARKLING PLUGS.

seems that it is being done, too. Feath-
ers, why doesn't one think Of this stuff in
time.
Anyhow, the big annual New York
drunk is only about a week off now
There was lot of highly virtuous in
dignation in the newspapers last year
after the New Year eve debauch, accom-
panied by demands that the drunk thing
should be done away with as an annual
New York custom. But of course the in
dgnation of newspapers-nor the indigna-
ton of anybody else-doesn't mean any
thing In this town. The tumultuous toot
will be just the same this New Year eve
as it was last year-probably with trim
mings this year that they didn't have last
year. But If the thing could possibly be
more Babylonian. so to speak, than 1t was
last year, the undersigned will have to be
shown.
At very conservative estimate l
should say that l saw at least 10000
drunken women in the restaurants OF
New York on last New Year eve. They
were not slightly intoxicated, excited by
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
Mountain Preachers Veracity.

From the Berea College Quarterly.
1t happened In Tennessee. Last sum-
mer a mountain preacher returning from
his first visit to the city told his neigh
bors he had seen a piece of made Ice"
foot thick. His church stood for pur-
ity and was strong on discipline. He
was promptly dismissed from the pastor
ate for lying. Shortly after a member
of the discipline committee visited the
city and saw the same miracle. On re-
turning he broached the matter cautious
ly by saying that they might have been
too hasty in turning out their preacher.
Forthwith action was brought against
him and he escaped by paying the fare
of the committee to the city. On the
testimony Of five men that mountain
church now believes in the possibility of
ice In summer.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
A PAIR OF YOUNG MARRIED COUPLES

Sallie discovers that Susie sticks in
dab when she. Sallie, has more clothes in
the co-operativelypa id-for weeks wash
than she herself. Susie, has.
Susie and Sallie are at daggers' points
all the live-long day through. But the
idea is to keep all that stun from the
men folks. who are. still pals. kind o.
That is the men folks are trying 10 re-
main pals.
At night after the turn-in, II Is true
that Susie buzz-uzzes for a long time at
Jack about the way Sallie does things.
or. rather, doesn't do 'em: how she's
slob around the place Susie hates to say
1T. she says. but it's the honest TRUTH;
how Sall.e Is laying down on the job I'm
the matter Of the Homework; N so forth
n SO on: all Of which Jack really doesn't
care much about: for he's pretty COM
Portable. and he's got some kind OF an
imitation OF a home. anyhow, and isn't
living In a boarding house; and Jims ms
pal. anyhow. and he rather likes Sailie.
Jim's wife, and he's not for war any old
time: and he wants to sleep. anyhow
Sallie. for her part. after the turn-in.
stakes Jim to a hull lot of uzz-buzz about
Susie and Susies doin's. Susie Is the
original close roll; Susie buys steak sec
onds and unclassihed eggs: Susie is a
crank about busting; Susie Is bcssy; Su
sic wants to run the entire shebang. Su-
sic exudes a holler about the size of the
wash bills and Sallie's too-many-clothes-
in-the-wash thing: Susie is just as pee
wish as she can be; Susie seems to think
that she and Jack are the Real Edams
around the plant: Susie is this. Susie ID
that Susie Is. that other: while Jim, lis
tening half-heartedly to Sallie's droning.
is sort O. sorry about II, because he used
to play marbles with Jack, and it's all
women's durnfoolishness. anyhow. and
why'n the dickens can't the women get
together and cut that peeving and live
In peace: and Jim glides on to slumber.
just teenchy bit apprehensive about
things.
More weeks have glided into the Void
Of Eternity.
The incessant in-the-hay plainings and
complainings and kin-knockings OF Susie
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

and we had been to the theater. and you
were tired and sleepy. and Thanatopsis'
is so rumbly when read aloud that 1t al
ways did make you sleep, and you
couldn't help 1t.
Sure thing. Certainly! You never can
help anything! It's not matter Of help
ing, though. It's that you don't care a
hang. You've got to the stage. arrived at
sooner or later by all married women in
this woman-spoiling country. where you
believe that after you get your husband
nailed hard and fast, why, that settles it:
there's no further need to exert yourself
opinion.
Don't tell me- I know that's your
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

don't manifest an Astounding interest in
trusts and tariff reform and all that?
We'll. that's like you-it's like all
women; lodging and squirming and wrig-
Cling around and crawiishing and side
tracking and taking the oblique path and
all that
"Of course it's not my business, nor is
it my desire. to reproach you for not hav-
ing mind above punk millinery and
fancy work and the pelt diseases of
CANNES and all that sort of stuff. WheD
man makes his bed, matrimonially or
otherwise, he's supposed to lie in it. and
l don't have to leave it to you whether
I've been game or not-whether I've taken
my medicine like little man.
you'd be able to perceive with half an
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

view, as it Is the view OF all the rest Of
the married women of this country.
That's why we've got the dandiest little
set of divorce hoppers that ever hop
pered In all the previous history of the
world. We may be a sad pack of jelly
fish and molluscs and NUTS, we married
pinheads Of men in this country: but
we've got eyes all right enough, and
there's point beyond which we will not
be dragged-WILL NOT BE! And the
worm turns still as it always did.
'How's that? Eloquent? Who's getting
eloquent? Oh, this is intolerable, that's
what 1t Is! It isn't enough that I'm COM
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
MR.. GRUMP TALKS ON INTELLECTUAL COMPREHENSIVE

PEELED to lead a starved mental life. but l
get ridiculed and rebuffed and Jeered at
when attempt to portray the miseries OF
Huh? There's nothing to prevent me
from leading the kind Of a mental lie
I want to lead? Oh. there isn't. hey?
Wei, I'd like to know why there isn't:
Just to show you. here I've been try
ing for years and years to get you to
take up a course of reading with me.
and that's as far as ever / get-just try
ing. Here I've got bully library full
Of books. and I'll bet you couldn't name
go to the stake. l suppose l haven't
suggested to you q million times that it
would be a pretty good thing for you
IL you'd read Gibbons Decline and Fall
History of Civilization and few fine.
solid things like those, instead Of the
hideous so-called best-selling junk that
forms your only mental pabulum?
What? I've suggested your reading
all that high-grade stuff. but I haven't
begun. to read it myself, you've noticed?
Sure, I might have expected you'd say
something like that / suppose you'd
want me to sit right alongside OF you
like kindergarten teacher and spell out
each word for you. and write exercises
down for you, and all that sort OF rot.
Ell? But, shucks, what's the use?
IT tell you what, it's no wonder often
feel like flying out OF one OF these blamed
windows and never coming back. All
get out Of life is drudgery downtown
and mental starvation when / come home
Some fellows when they get home after
their long days Of toll have the clouds
pushed by. sort O.. by finding sympathetic
and understanding intellectual companion
ship in their own homes: but the first
question that is popped at me as soon as
l break into the hall Is as to whether
I've brought home the NUTS liver. or did
I stop and get the birdzeed. and my
whole life is sort o. played to a dirge
of dogs meat and bird fodder.
But my complaisancy won't last for
ever, let me tell you that, and when the
time comes. as it's rapidly coming, when
/ shall no longer be able to endure this
protracted hunger and thirst for some
sort Of mental companionship. why. just
you keep an eye on me when that time
comes. that's all. for you'll need to-you
certainly will need -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
Wrong View of Marriage.

1STHERE would be less divorce" said
ex-Gov. Pennypacker at dinner
in Philadelphia. "if there were fewer men
like William Windle
"William Windle embarked on an ex-
cursion steamer for Point Breeze and a
few miles out. as he paced the upper
deck and drank in the bracing ozone, he
spied his friend Jackson.
Why. jackson, how are ye?' he ex-
claimed. Are We out for pleasure, or is
yer wife along?"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
Mr.. Grump.

eye. If you were a woman who ever gave
thought to such things. that your hus-
band simply is shriveling up mentally
for the lack Of the proper. sort of intel
lectual companionship. You are content
to cast your mental life on a plane with
that Of the groundlings and you expect
me to do the same.
.'Huh Go right ahead and giggle! Gig
gling's your forte. Giggfe your head OF.
But I'm speaking the truth. and you know