davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
Had Tried An Kinds.

A noted heavyweight pngilist. who
for a time in the heyday of his fame
occupied the chair of sporting editor
of a certain journal, gloomily re-
marked to friend one day:
Say. Jim, / don't mind standin'
up in the ring an givin' and takin'
few hot punches in the ribs or wher-
ever they happen to land. but this
here pickin' up pen an slingin' off
a column or so of literatoor every
day or two is what makes me tired.
l believe I'll halter resign
mo use resigning. John, old boy"
advised the friend. "A job like yours
isn't picked up every day. To make
it easier for you would suggest your
getting an amanuensis."
"Oh, thunderi What's the use?"
exclaimed the great editor, wearily.
i've tried a common steel pen, a
stylergran, a new-fangled fountain
pen. a patent ink pencil. an half a
dozen other writin' contraptions, an
1t amt at all likely that an amanuen-
sis II work any better'n the rest of
'em. No: / reckon I'll halter quit. -
New York Times.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

A man soon gets mighty tired OF
treating his wife like a goddess. If
he cannot be at ease with her, and
smoke when he pleases, and take of
his coat If he wants to. and throw
ashes on the floor and cigar stubs all
over the house. he is going to be
mighty uncomfortable, and long to go
where he can. For It is born in a
man to like to do these things, just
as it is born in a girl to like to dc
her own pet things. Moreover. II a
girl has once known man in per.
fectly comfortable ehummy way, she
will find him worth twice as much
as before he dropped his awe of her.
Men are pretty nice as they are, but,
for goodness sake, don't try to make
a man ladylike. He isn't and won't
be If ne is even half a man.-Atchi-
son Globe.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
The Delays Cause.

The English language has pitfalls
for others than our Continental neigh
bors. In illustration of this an in
structive anecdote has recently been
imported from India. 1t is to the eff
feet that when battalion of the Mid
dlesex Regiment was ordered to take
part in a recent ceremonial parade at
Delhi the commanding officer deter
mined to refit 1t with new boots. He
according telegraphed to a Calcutta
firm:
Send 1000 pairs of boots for Mid
dlesex by next train"
Days passed and no boots arrived.
The Colonel's anxiety increased hour
ly. Just when he had become almost
frantic. the Babu manager in Cal
cutta sent him this telegram:
Order received. but not compre-
hended. Male sex know; ditto fe-
male sex; middle sex, however, not
known. Please send specimen. -
Cosmopolitan Financier.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
Syns Of Rest.
by DANIEL ARTHUR.

Just why the United States Of
America, and more particularly the
State ofNew York. should cultivate
and encourage the tramp is a mys-
terry. No other civilized community
on the face Of the earth pampers him
as we do. We are adding new re-
eruits to his army daily by treating
him better In many respects than the
man who does work Why is the
man who is willing to work and ac-
tually does pay his board bill to the
world saddled with a parasite like
this? European States have solved
this problem long ago, and to-day It
is a rare sight TO see a criminal
tramp" homeopathic bum" or a
train hobo" In Holland. Belgium or
Switzerland. II you travel from end to
end OF these countries.
What is more, II costs nothing to
cure this great, evil. We have from
500. .OOQ toS700. .000fof these cheats in
our country. aud IT costs the railroads
in tks1nited States over s25. .00O. 900
annually to handle their end Of this
trouble alone.
Ask our police force how often IT
has 10 round up these vagabonds:
ask our Commissioner Of Charities
about it: ask the Charity Organiza-
ton Society whether Broadway or
Bowery bread line cures or cultlvates
the evil, and then ask New York City
how many thousando of dollars a day
II costs?
The Empire State should lead In
this matter and other States would
soon follow. We of course have our
high ideas about trespassing on the
liberty of an individual. even If he is
criminal Framp," but Justice to
the working bees should come first.
Take this fact into the calculation.
A large percentage of these tramps
are husky young fellows. under twen-
ty-one years OF age. and IL they were
inoculated with the work bacillus be-
fore they reach thirty they would be
happier men at fifty. In Switzerland
everybody works, everybody is happy.
and there are practically no tramps
and no milllonaires within its borders.
Now. Mr.. Knickerboeker. ~what are
you going to do sbost it7" You are
nearing your 30Oth birthday; is it not
time to show that You are developing
some gray matter under your haiti
New York Sun.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
HN 1AEs@aS.ss
S2@EEfm

Are you going to take the late
train to Chicago?" NO; the engi-
neer of the train is going to do that. "
Baltimore American.
Teacher-"James what is gram
MARI" James (alias Jimmiei-
Grammar is the science which learns
US how to speak correct. Life.
81 suppose Newrlch is making
quite a splurge with his money!"
HE did the day he backed his auto
of the ferryboat."-Puck.
The waffle wagon needs no bait
To lure men 10 get on;
Beside the curb for it we wait
From darkness unto dawn.
Baltimore SIM.
"I see that our friend still enter
tains the idea Of running for Con-
gress. @Not exactly" answered
Farmer CorntosseI. 4The idea enter
tains him. Washington Star,
Waiter tin expensive restauranN
-"Wnl you have sugar in your cuf-
fee?" Mrs. Nurich-"I don't see II
on the bill" waiter-"There IS no
charge for sugar. madam" Mrs MI
rich-'No, thank you!'-Puck.
Fisherman-"I don't sappose You
see the papers so much MP here. hut
you've probably heard about the King
winning the Derhy?" Boatman--
90. ay. I heerd tell o. that He
maun a guild rider. him'"-Punch.
''wot's yourn?" asked the waiter
of uuick-lunch patron. Dough
nuts and black coffee, was the reOly.
And the waiter sent in the order TO
the cook by wireless: zone in the
dark an two rubber tires Chicago
Daily News.
Author have here a wonderful
play. the suppression Of woman's
heart and a mans soul by petty CON
ventions. call It The Muzzle'
What would you advise me to do with
it?" Manager-"Try It on the dog"
Baltimore American.
The doc said: "Dyspepsia, knew it:
Esehew things ike pastry and suet,
Especially pie.
But the man winked his eye,
g / would far rather chew than eschew it.n
The Columbia Jester.
''Pa, what do they call a person
that reads heads?" "A phrenologist.
my boy" "Geel Then ma must be
one of those things She felt OF ny
head this afternoon and said right
away; You've been swimming. -
Detroit Free Press
Jane says she is sorry she didn't
arrange to be married in June"
That's undoubtedly true as far as
t goes. Jane might have added that
She would be- only too glad TO arrange
to be married at any old time. -
Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
"oh, what a tangled web we
weave" said the apt quotationist.
when first we practise 10 deceive"
THAT'S right" answered Senator
Sorghum; deception is mighty dan
gerous unless one has a great deal
Of experience. Washington Star
my play was intended to show
the coId-heartedness of society" saS
the author. And did you proye
your point?" 81 should say 50.
There was never anything more cead
and heartless than the manner in
which society sighted the box o1ifs."
Washington Star.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
a MODERN INFLUENCE.

When lofty heights you seek 10 gain,
Though tou may toll with might and main
You must be careful 10 obtain
A press agent.
To be hero in the strife,
A champion with gun, sword or knife.
Get some one TO write up your life
A press agent.
OF If you'd shine on hist'ry's page
As lawyer and a sage
Do not be backward, but engage
A press agent.
In court OF camp, in field or mart,
In mimic scene or salon smart
You should secure, before you start,
a press agent.
A strange creation Of our time
Unique, grand. sombre and sublime.
There Is not cen a word TO rhyme
With press agent.
Washington Star.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
ATA, MARYLAND, FRIDAY, july %, 1909.

IKE faithful dOg. but ne mas
wonderfully sad expression; don't
you think so?"
81 cannot see IT," said the Professor
gravely.
"Not see IT. But"
'T am nearly blind now"
my friend, had no idea; you did
not tell me-"
"I had long illness after she left
me-" came the slow, sad answer.
MY sight was affected. l am not
yet totally blind; but l cannot see
to do thing for myself"
81 am truly sorry. should never
have faneied It."
mo; / believe you would not tell
from the outward appearance Of my
eyes; but the sight is practically
gone. So. you see. a faithful servant
is a real necessity"
'It Is a mercy you have got him"
cit is. am utterly dependent on
him now. And am not ungrateful
for his faithful service. | have left
him everything possess in my will.
He is giving me all his youth, you
see"
All his youth! All his heart. all
his life, might perhaps have been
nearer the truth. For at that very
moment the Professors servant was
standing with quivering lip and tear
filled eye. because he had at last
heard words Of appreciation of him
self. He had overheard that simple
remark. II have grown fond of him.
And SO evening drew on. and the
Professor and his old friend still
sat talking in the dancing glow Of
the freight. And at last the friend
took his leave with promises OF
future visit. Then quietly the SER
want came again to ask his master If
lights were not needed. And still
the tears were in the lads eyes. and
now his voice was husky.
what is the matter7" asked the
Professor shortly. That voice was
ever calm and cheerful; It was full
Of sadness now, and a struggle for
composure.
II am sorry-" He tried to an
swer steadily; but again his voice
broke; again his tears came unbld-
den.
Tell me, what is IT." The Pro-
fessor's voice had grown kindly.
And then strange thing happened.
The servant impulsively flung himself
on his knees beside his master. and
seizing the wrinkled hand, he pressed
a passionate kiss upon It,
"Oh, I can bear this no longer" he
cried wildly. "Oh. surely I have
proved my penitence. my reparation
Is complete. Say, have I earned for
giveness?"
The eyes that were nearly blind
strained curiously into the darkness,
the hand which had known that kiss
of passion still rested motionless. the
Professor neither moved nor spoke.
The paralyzing influence of utter sur
prise was upon him. And still that
eager, pleading voice continued
81 have helped you a little. have
not? I have eased a little pain,
cured little loneliness? Six years
7 I have been your servant as atone-
ment for my sin. Give me back my
own place again, dear. have
learned so much since / failed to
value it long ago"
Still the Professor could find no
words. But the hand which bad
known that passionate kiss was
rested tenderly on the head of his
servant-his repentant wife.-Phila-
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
pecuniary Cost of Being Free.

The Federal establishment costs
about s3,OOO.O0O a day, Sundays in.
cluded. We may be sure that the
State. county, municipal and town.
ship governments together cost as
muclpmore. Thus the American peo.
pie pay s6,000.000 daily for the
blessed privilege of being free
Washington Post.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

Baron Goto, Minister OF Communi-
cations, is investigating the advisa.
bility of transporting mail by auto
mobiles in the principal cities Of
Japan. and also possibly to distan
points where Eailroad trafhc is moi
yet opened. 49,
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

Buffalo.-At session preliminary
to the annual meeting Of the Inter
national Kindergarten Association
here a resolution was adopted con-
demning the comic supplement-" in
Sunday newspapers and pledging the
association to work for the substi-
tuition of more refined forms Of Illus
trated Sunday literature for the
young.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
A Woman of Some Weight.

A woman who weighed 44S pounds
was buried at Eye, Suffolk, England,
recently. The coffin was six and a
half feet long, three feet across. and
two feet deep, and was taken to the
cemetery on dray. being lowered
into the grave by chains and pulleys.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

The mackerei catch OF Guysboro,
Nova Scotia, this season has been
the largest in the last twenty years.
Here It is not uncommon for one man
to catch from 1900 to 1900 mackerei
in his nets. sometimes making as high
as t200 9 day.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

Death--a stopping of impressions
through the senses. and Of the pulling
of the cords of motion. and of the
ways of thought. and of service to :hs
tesh.-Marcus Aurelius.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
OPPOSE COMIC SUPPLEMENTS.


Chicago.-The Nineteenth Century
Club of Oak Park has begun CAM
paign to eliminate the comic supple
ment of the Sunday newspaper.
Many women assert that the pranks
depicted in the funny pages" have
had a bad influence on their children,
who are inclined to be initiative.
One woman declares that on re-
turning home late one evening she
discovered their dog running about
the house with her husbands dress
shirt, collar and cravat dangling from
its back.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

A French naval surgeon has OBJ
served facts which he thinks warrant
him in attributing certain morbid
conditions to over-exposure to the
electrical waves employed in wireless
telegraphy. For the most part they
have affected the eye, generally in
conjunctivitis, though in one instance
there was keratitis. Eczema, too, has
been observed. and the author thinks
that many cases Of neurasthenia are
attributable to the current. He re-
marks that induced currents are a
common product OF the action Of the
apparatus, and intimates that these
may cause trouble among other per-
sons than those Immediately con-
cerned in the telegraphic operations.
He recommends that operators be
provided with blue or yellow specta-
cles.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

WE AWAIT THE OUTCOME.
Il see Annapolis graduates have
been ordered not to marry"
Love laughs at locksmiths.
-But how about Secretaries of the
Navy? y?"-Louisville Courler-Journs'
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

Still the Professor could find no
words. But the hand which bad
known that passionate kiss was
rested tenderly on the head of his
servant-his repentant wife.-Phila-
delphia Ledger.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

Auer Won Welsbach. the well known
inventor of the incandescent gas man
tie, has produced an alloy Of iron and
thorium which possesses remarkable
properties. When struck lightly
against piece of iron this alloy emits
very bright sparks, produced by the
almost instantaneous oxidation Of
particles detached by the blow. Suffi-
cient heat is developed to ignite tin
der instantaneously. without the re-
peated efforts required by the old
fashioned flint and steel. The new
thorium ''flint." indeed. may be called
an everlasting match. 1t VIll be very
useful to explorers and tourists, and
should be of great value for the igni-
tion of explosives, for military and
other purposes.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23

The storage OF power in the form
OF hydrogen and oxygen gases is the
novel idea Of NJ. Pirandello. an italian
engineer. On the coast near Rimini
he is testing an apparatus for genera
ting electricity by wave power, and
the current produced is used not only
for lighting. but for decomposing
water into its constituent gases. The
oxygen and hydrogen. collected in
suitable receivers, are compressed in
steel cylinders in the usual way, to
serve for heat. light, power or other
purpose as required.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-07-23
E8R0 0PURARsl
y

Trudeau's classic experiment points
us in the right direction. After inoc-
ulating a number OF rabbits with tu-
berculosis he confined a number OF
them indoors and turned the others
outdoor. The latter all recovered,
while the former all died.
Men like Newton. Gallileo, Kepier,
Ptolemy. Aristotle, Arago have all en-
deavored to solve the problem. and
think I may say that the weight OF
evidence points to an atmospheric So
lution-that the stars twinkle be-
cause Of the various temperatures and
densities of the aerial layers through
which their light passes. Therefore.
according to the state of the atmos-
phere and the altitude OF the star.
broadly speaking. so should the
twinkling increase or diminish-F.
R. A. s.. in London T. P.'s Weekly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
Bond Election for Briqhton.

Brighton is in the throes of a municipal bond election, and advices from the town state that there is decided difference of opinion as to whether a bond issue Is the best thing for the town, even though it is for the purpose of constructing sewers. which will connect with the Jefferson county sewer that passes through the town. At meeting of the town council, held few nights ago, the body decided to hold an election on Monday, April g., to submit the question to the voters whether they favored the issuance of s10,O00 worth of bonds for gewer pur- poses, and since the meeting considerable opposition has developed. Just what the arguments of the opponents to the meas ure are have not been stated, but the mayor and council are talking for the bonds, and it is intimated that before the day of election rolls around there will be a sharp division on the question. It is the concensus of opinion that sewers for the town will add greatly to the health and to the value of property, and there is a strong sentiment in favor of voting the appropriation. Not a little interest has been aroused and it is expected there will be some public meetings held next week to discuss the matter pro and con. Mayor Lander. who was seen with refer ence to the matter, stated We want the election to carry for we believe it to be for the best interests of the town in every way possible"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
INSPECTION TOUR
 CAUSES INTEREST
BesSemer Expects Much from
 A. Z. & A, Development
BRIGHTON BOND ELECTION
pr. Gable Leaves Bessemer-Drugeists to oreanize-Joseph Williams, an Old Citizen, Is Dead.
 Marvel City Gossip.

Bessemer, March 24.-(Special.)-Th people of Bessemer view the inspection tour of the receivers of the Atlanta, Bir- mingham and Atlantic railroad with much pleasure, as it has been announced that the road is to be completed, and when this is done, Bessemer. will be benefited. indeed.
 The road has been graded all the way from Pelham to Mulgay, and the heavy work in and around Bessemer is so costly that the average man has not believed that 1t would be permitted to remain un- finished, and there will be a general feel ing of pleasure and satisfaction when the track-laying begins. The road will open up the Birmingham district to a sec tion that has never enjoyed the advan- tages Of close relationship with other sections, and there will be hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of trade that will come this way when the line is in operation. More than this the line will be direct one from the mineral district to the South Atlantic seaboard, and this will be of great advantage to the im- porter as well as to the exporter making another feeder and giving better freight rate than is now had. No announcements have been made as to when the work will be done, but knowing ones feel sure that the road will be completed into Bessemer in 1909
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
URQUHART'S BILL
 \ FOR COMMISSION

Representative w. D., Urquhart yester- day stated that by April he would have a bill drafted providing for a commission plan of government in Birmingham. He said that on that /date he would have with him a dozen or more prominent citi- zens and lawyers, and they will take the brief and write into it all changes that are necessary a
 "I do not intend to carry this bill through myself" he said. But do be- lieve that it meets public demand, and l expect the public of Birmingham to back it up so strenuously that it will be adopted and we can go into Greater Bir- mingham with a systematic form of gov ernment."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
CHAMP CLARK IS
 ELOQUENT UPON
 THE TARIFF BILL
CONTINUED FROM PAGE ID

- crude oil producer to take it's price and the consumer of oil to pay it's price. =.
 ''I assert without any fear whatever, he exclaimed. that the Standard Oil com pany is the greatest aurora that the sun ever looked down on during it's 5000 years of journeying through the heavens
 Would that condition be changed by eliminating this countervailing duty? ln- quired MT. Scott
 Mir Clark replied in the affirmative explaining that if the Standard put up the price of refined oil too high somebody else would ship refined oil to the United States.
 Answering MT Sims of Tennessee, the minority leader declared that as choice between evils. it would be infinitely bet ter to repeal the countervailing duty on petroleum and put straight ad valorem duty on crude oil even of 20 or 70 per cent.
 Speaking generally, Mir. Clark said he would not object to good stiff revenue tariff on anything except salt.
 q want in this connection to announce A general principle. and more than that l will not help any living human being to oppress the great masses of the people in this country" he said.
 All BIunders Alike.
 All plunderers. he said, looked alike to him. On account of the attitude he was
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
Liquor Test Case Appealed.

Richmond, Va, March 24.-samuel L.. Kelly. residentN Ncounsel for the National Association of Liquor Dealers, announced today that the association had decided to appeal from the Virginia supreme court to the supreme court of the United States in the case of John Binford, agent for a Baltimore liquor house, who was fined $10O here for selling half a pint of whisky by sample, without having paid the sooo license required under the Byrd law. The case will be brought to test this feature of the law, passed by the last general assembly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
Decrease In Internal Revenue.

Washington, March 24.-The monthly statement of the collections of internal revenue shows that during February the total receipts were $27,6O5,165. g decrease as compared with February, 1908, of sl,119, 9O1. Receipts from spirits for February decreased s1, ,255 425 from a year ago. To- bacco and fermented liquors show slight increases.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
Aoed Citizen Dead,

Joseph Williams, aged 67 years, died Tuesday afternon at his home at McCalla, and the remains were inferred today at the Adger cemetery. MT. Williams has been a sufferer for a long time with ca tarrh and his death was not unexpected. He,is survived by several grown children. The funeral was in charge of Jacobs & Son, undertakers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
FUNERAL NOTICE.

The friends and acquaintances of the late Ferdinand E. Smith, sr. are re- quested to attend the funeral services of the deceased which will be held from the residence, 4254 Fifth avenue, south. Avon dale, Thursday morning at Il o'clock. In- terment will be in Woodlawn cemetery. The following gentlemen are requested to act as pallbearers: W. D. McCord, w. R .Starbuck, J. H. McCune, w. w. Gar rett, P. L. Hendrix and E. A. Mohns.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-25
To Leave Ressemer.

Next Sunday morning the Rev. John F. Gable will preach his last sermon to the Baptist congregation, which he has served for the past four years. MT. Gable and family will leave the same week for their new home at Abbeville, Henry county, where he has accepted call MT. Gable is loved by a large circle of friends in Bessemer