davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Actual Value.

"That swell chap just bought Q
cigar commented the lounger in the
cigar emporium. What price did he
pay?"
Bought a twenty cent straight"
responded the clerk.
Twenty cent straight eh? How
much is 1t crooked"
Crooked? Oh, about nickel
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Unfair Play.

Foul tactics,' declared the half
back.
What's the trouble now? demand
ed the referee.
Il tried kick for the stomach.
but this fellow blocked 1t with his
head"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Point of View.

An honest man" said the thought
full thinker, seldom blows his own
horn"
Nothing remarkable about that"
rejoined the contrary person. AN
honest man is usually too poor to
own q horn"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
His Suecialtv.

Rose-'They tell ME that Penner,
the poet, is writing childhood verses
these days"
Richard-"Yes, he Is scribbling the
advertisement verse for soothing
syrups and talcum powders"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Banoino the Barj,.

Gunper--"E Eastern paper declares
that the poets of Indiana are sensi-
tive. Says they should be handled
with kid gloves"
Guyer-"H m | think some OF them
should be handled with boxing
gloves" % % w
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Tn. pinicult Part.

"Oh, it's easy enough, to fool
man. remarked the young widow.
''but-'s
But what?" queried the anxious
maid.
ITS awfully hagd to keep him
fooled" concluded the y. W.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Bad Luck.

Mother" said five-year-old Jack,
show much older than you is father.
Just thirteen years" replied the
unsuspecting parent.
We'll, mother" seriously continr
ued the child. the next time you
marry, don't marry man thirteen
years older than you: don't you
know Ii is bad luck ?'-- Delineator.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Wha. He Needed.

"You can see that am In need.
ma'am," said the husky hobo. Cant
you give me a little assistance?" j.
Certainly" answered the kind
lady as she handed him cake OF
soap. Here Is what you need" til
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
His Reason.

A man applied at the factory for a
Job. Among other questions the fore
man asked him why he had left his
last place. Well" he replied. they
asked me to please leave. and didn't
like to refuse them Housekeeper.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03

Gunner--"He had a fancy cigarette
named after him
Guyer--"And how did he stand the
fame?"
Gunner-"0h, he Is all pulled up"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Voice Of the Winner.

Little Willie-"say. pa. who was it
that said; The Voice OF the people is
the voice of God'?"
PA can't recall his name. my
son, but it's safe to get 1t wasn't =
losing candidate
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
MINNEAPOLIS WHEAT.

Minneapolis, Sept. 2.-WHEAT,--
Sept. Csc; Dec 93h Cash No. |
lorthern 994 61999sc; to arrive 974;
No. . northern 97A @97$4 to arrive
IN.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
The Usual Way.

Hix-"Brown IL certainly an odd
Hy. How does he strike your"
Dix---"For IS, usually"
According to Contract.
House Owner-"You failed to pay
your rent last month. What are you
going to do about it?'
Tenant-"0h, suppose III do as
you said when | rented it."
House Owner--"What did say"
Tenant You said | must pay In
advance or not at ALL"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
One Wom.n's Wisdom.

Bride elect Mamma insists on
our having stylish church we'd
ding s.@.5
Groom elect wonder why?"
ride-elect-"She says 1t will
probably be the last time I'll ever
have chance to show OF In good
clothes
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
hiuh Honors,

Did your daughter graduate with
high honors ?" Il should say she did.
Her dress cost six dollars more than
any ether girls in the class. De
troit Free Press.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Eordet to Worry.

Half the things we worry over are
weedlo dun and tweedledee. Believe
4 ard You have conquered your
5les
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Mash the Dishes. Etc.

Ostend--"Pa, who are the suffra-
gettes?" %ss
Pa--"Those London women who
think they should have q vote, my
SON" ,..., u,.m ..a
Ostend-"And what are their hus-
bands doing?"
pa--"Oh, they are the sufferers"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
The Changing Styles.

81 saved an old feather buster.
thinking to please my daughter"
"Well?"
But it seems that penwipers Is
what they are using to trim hats
with this fall"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Question and Answer.

do You eat, drink or wear clothes?"
SKIS the Augusta Chronicle. Speak
ng strictly tor oursclve. We wear
.,em.--Houston Post.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
A Mistake.

Husband-On think, my COL
league, Cohen, whom we had to din
ner last sunday. has died suddenly.
Wife How | wish we had invited
him for. next SUNDAY! :. ~,
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Three Of the Best.

Name three natural causes OF
DEATH said the professor.
Hanging, disease and old age
promptly answered the brilliant
youth at the foot of the class.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03

Experience" remarked the
thoughtful thinker, lis worth all We
pay for It,"
1T would be- rejoined the contrary
person, ~ we didn't go and run up
the sauna sort Of bill again" 81.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
One of Two Things.

"How cold your nose Ia.
"Dad,' declared materfamilias In
the next room, either that young
man has proposed at last or Towser
Is In the parlor again"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
HAIR NATURALLY ABUNDANT.
When Il L. Free OF DRndraff, &C troms
Luxuriuutly.

= 4
When Il Il Free Of Dandraff, &c Erows
Luxuriaotly.
Hair preparations and dandruf cures,
as rule, are sticky or irritating affairs
that do no earthly good. Hair. when not
diseased. grows naturally. luxuriantly.
DandruK Is the cause OF nine-tenths OF
all hair trouble. and dandrun is caused
by germ. The only way to cure dand-
run Is to kill the germ; and. so far. the
only hair preparation that will positively
destroy the germ is Newbros Herpicide--
absolutely harmless, free from grease
sediment, dye matter or dangerous drugs.
1t allays itching instantly; makes hair
glossy and soft as silk. Destroy the
cause, you remove the effect Sold by
leading druggists. Send 10c. in stamps for
sample to The Herpicide Co. Detroit
Mich
Ons dollss Lort,es guaranteed. PAIL
lG. Schd. & Sons, speeia, agents.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
How He REGISTERED.

A travelling salesman, finding him.
self In a strange territory, sought the
only tavern In the small settlement
to put up for the night Much TO his
surprise and chagrin, the proprietor
demanded IS.
"What?" CALCULATED the salesman
why, that Is robbery. | can stop at
the largest hotels in Chicago for that
sum"
But yeou amt in Shee-cago now,
stranger, drawled the proprietor,
and, besides, we have some OF the
biggest people in this state as our
guests. Take Isaac M, Bung, the great
lumber man. He was here yesterday
and there Is his name on the register
Il, NJ Bung,1
The salesman looked from the reg
lister to the coming darkne IS. Then
he looq the pen and wrote beneath the
name:
II M. Stung"
And forking over the S. in advance
he assembled the creaking stairway to
his room.
An Insult.
Magistrate You are charged with
assault and battery Are you guilty
or not guilty. s.le.
Prisoner suppose. | am guilty
your honor, but there were mitigat-
Ing circumstances.
Magistrate The plaintiff claims
that you gouged his eye, bit on his
ear, knocked him down and then
walked all over his body Now what
did he do that you should assault
him thus?'" B
Prisoner-"He said that | was nc
gentleman YOUR hOnOrn
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
Just Now.

what Is news?'
ooh, anything that's important, X
true"
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03
RECEIPTS AND SHIPMENTS.

Chicago. Sent, 2, The following
,ar loads represent tie days move,
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1909-09-03

FOR SALE large Mosler safe, 80
feet wire Office partition, 25 feet glass
and panel office partition. Scudders-
Gale Wearen Co.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
0AEei0GMv TAFT WILL OE AT
vhG eUE0lo STATE FAIR.

President TAFT and party is coming
70 the StA.e Fair at Pueblo ON We'd
aesAAy. Sept. 20. He viii see the
largest display f fruit he ever saw In
his life: he will see the 'arxest aad
6sst display 0f horses. cattle. sheep.
aaA hogs ever exhibited in western
state. he vii. meet the finest people
(prov ding you are there. dear reader)
- earth and he will knOx what real
western hospitality means. tor he will
mix with the people out in the open.
The Colorado State Fair Management
desires you TO attend the fair this
year. because 1t promises to be by far
the best in every respect ever given.
II has cost tine citizens OF Pueblo
aeariy half j million dollars to estab-
lish this lair and now that IL il . good
one everybody is cordially invited to
attend. Then. too. President Taft 10
coming here especially to zee you. to
talk To you and get acquainted with
the people OF state tina: Ia making
the dry plains 4 mighty farming dis.
trict.
Pueblo extends q cordial invitation
TO every body. and the things to be
seen at the State Fair will more thas
repay you for all the time snd money
spent in the visit. II you have any
thing that you think other people
would like to see. bring or send 1t to
the fair. There is \ prize for almost
everything uLder the sun. At night
there will be plenty Of outdoor amuse-
ments. and ON Wednesday night the
Sun Worshipers will make a parade
OF their order which will eclipse any
thing ever seen. consisting of an cleo
trtcal display unequaled. Something
doing every minute. Railroads alt
make very low rates.
1t is expected to have the Golden
Flyer, the Glenn Curtis flying ma
chine here. operated by Willard. the
man who Is startling the easterners.
Watch for later announcements OF
this wonderful mile-a-minute air.cut'
ting machine.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

In Madagascar everyone wears silk
which Is cheaper than linen.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

An Arbitrary Classification.
$50 you think every patriot has a
more or less clearly defined ambition
to hold public Officer"
YES" answered Senator Sorghum.
"As rule, patriots may be divided
into two classes-the appointed and
tho disappointed"
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
A Queer Malady.

a Queer Malay.
Sprigg went to q noted physician to
ask advice a. to his health. In POM
pous tones he addressed the doctor:
-Ah- have come to-ah-ask
you-ah-what what is-ah-the
doosid mattaw with We-ah!"
II find that your heart is affected, !"
said the physician, gravely.
"Oh-ah-anything else-ah?"
Yes; your lungs are affected, too. j"
"Anything-ah-else-ah?"
Yes; your manners are also af-
eected."
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
Not ouaIified for the Job.

Father dmpressively)- son, l
want you to be very attentive to your
new teacher, who is man Of wide
and general information. He can
teach you everything you need to
know" Small Boy (derisively)-"He?
He don't know nothin'! Why, he
can't even tell who's pitchin' in the
league teams"
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
FADELESS DYES
BY AutomobIIs Up Mount Rainier.

By Automobile Up Mount Rainier.
United States Engineer Eugene Rick.
seeker celebrated Independence day
BY throwing open the government
road in the Mount Rainer National
park. Vehicles and horsemen now
have an excellent thoroughfare from
tidewater to Narada falls, near snow
line in Paradise valley. Mr.. Rick
seeker says that autos and wagons
can now make the trip with comfort.
The maximum grade on the road is
four per cent Nearly q score Of au-
tomobiles, all loaded, went to the
mountain.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
Not Ashamed Of Economy.

Not AshAmed OF Economy.
Discussing England and the English
from an American point Of view. re-
cent American writer in England OBJ
serves: Nobody, from the king of
England down. is either ashamed or
afraid to be economical. Here . man
or a woman is thought to be fool
or vulgarian who is not careful Of
expenditure, while in America our
walters have been clever enough to
make it appear that economy is mean,
and as q nation we suffer according
ly. We are fools to be fooled in this
manner"
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

Many woman nags her husband
until she either brings him to her
way Of thinking or drives him to
drink.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

Mrs. Wt.ssow's seseAiag svs1p.
as9H1lioa, a0ays paii. saaN NJ Ssliu. 81 ~
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
a Rare oood Thing,

Rare oood Thing.
"Am using ALIENS FOOf-EAsE, and
can truly say would not have been with
out It 80 long. had known the relief 1t
rare good thing for anyone having sore
or tired feet.-Mrs. Matilda Hoftwert,
Providence, r. l." Sold by all Druggists,
&c. Ask to-day.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

Many a man is the moving picture
Of an unpaid tailor bill.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

PERRY DAVIS PAINKIILER
OyspepsiA often results froR ne9lectinR slI.ht
ettaeks Of indigestion. Avoid trouble by takfnS
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
0VllD 6. BURTON, AssAYEa 1 CHEMIST

~: ~: ssia. Ice: .ias Or copper. q.
- asa s rar,r. rssss ss .:,s :,ss % %
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17

- TOWERING BULBS FOR IN
- T0GetheF with oar Catal0G. wv
4ea0psets treatise the culture OF Ha dy Rllhs.
A - uAaN 10 cents Thess u Bulba, kinds, i of
SneA, different cnlors. will make beautiful pots OF
0DU1GD for winter, or lovely early spring noWers
~ vuaf 9.rde0. Pot or plant them now.
Or frustrated Catalogue Of Hyscinths. Tulips.
2eeoa, Crocus, L lilies and Hardy Holland
- sad rare osW winter towering plants Tree 70
Martin J. CULLEN,
nuHeSDatbO0Al Nurseries, Daaver, C0lo.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
Physicians Recommend CastorlA

AS10RH has ms Nth ooo1nood &e O the pGs phalnar
euioal societies md medical authasidA b 1d pyans With
results uaae Gstin Ihs sxudsd d Oastuh mquuahy the
result 4 thrss Acss n-s idiutahs evidence that b harmless:
hat Mt only iays stomach pains and qss as n'r!ea b am
sAsolutey A do any Opium Npe otaat narcotic
and ds up unlike Soothing syupa Bsmans Drops aodhys
Cordial et b good deal he Medical Journal n.y. Our duty how
expose danger and reod tho of advancing health 1 day
r poisoning Innocent children through greed igna,nos ought % end To
ovedg Casors remedy which produces oopose and health BY
regulating to Esm not By aung and readers entitled to
tho mhzmatinn.-HaNsJ Journal Of ReaNA
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-09-17
Good for eors Exs,.

for 100 years PETTITS EYE sALvE has
positively cured eye diseases everywhere.
All druggists or Howard Bros, Buffalo, N. Y.
Evening star., 1909-05-10
WILL ACCUSE LYONS.
Mrs. J. r. Brown Goes to New oYrk
to Testify at Hearing.

Detective Hewlett. acoompan MED by Mrs.
j. r. Brown of this city. left for New
York last night, where they will appear
as witnesses against Thomas Lyons, who
was arrested recently in that city on a
charge of having robbed Mrs. Brown o.
$3.50 worth Of jewelry in this city, Feb
ruary 1.
A hearing for the prisoner was set for
today before a United States commits
sioner. Lyons is fighting exti addition to
this city.
Lyons and Walter c. Brooks went to
the home of Mrs. Brown. February 4. and
said they wanted to rent several rooms.
While they were looking though the
house one of them asked permission to
cine. Mrs. Brown told him to step into
her bedroom. where he could take the
medicine. He entered and closed the door.
While the other man held the attention
Of Mrs Brown the former ransacked the
bureau drawers and secured about $500
worth of jewelry. The two men left the
house, saying they would return later
with their trunks.
Shortly after their departure Mrs.
Brown discovered the robbery and inn
mediately notified the police. Brooks was
arrested about a month ago in New York.
but when being placed under arrest as
saulted the officer and Is now serving q
short term for the offense. At the expira-
ton of his term he will be brought to
this city. Lyons was arrested last week
in New York through circular sent out
by Maj Sylvester.
Evening star., 1909-05-10
BIBLE COLLEGE MEETING.
EsCivic Betterment" Discussed by
Prof. James L. Neill.


Civic .Betterment' was the topic dis
cussed before the special session Of the
Interdenominational Bible College, held
in the main auditorium of the Zion Bap-
tst Church, on F street southwest, Sun
day afternoon. The paper was presented
by James L. Neill, professor of civics
in the Bible College citizenship, In the
true significance of that term. In any we'll
regulated government" said he, lis a
great honor for any man, and the faith
full performance of duty ought to be the
constant aim Of every citizen. Every
man is in duty bound to put forth his best
efforts for the general uplift OF the COM
munity in which he lives and to do all in
his power for the advancement of a
higher civilization"
Prof. Kelly Miller spoke Of the work
being accomplished by the Bible College
by instructing the people in the great
principles which underlie Christian civ
ilization. Moses as a law giver,' said
he, was great teacher of sociology"
Mrs. r. E. Lawson told of the deplora-
BILE condition among the dependent classes
of colored people in this community. as
revealed by the investigations made by
the missionary department of the Bible
College. and urged renewed efforts to
arouse the masses to work for social bet
terment.
Mrs Jennie 3. Browne urged greater
socialization by personal visitation to
homes Of the people and by extending to
them the glad hand in their struggle for
moral and social uplift.
Rev. William j. Howard said that to
study the Bible with a proper spirit was
known to civilization, and Rev. Sterling
n. Brown thought that no system of edu-
cation was complete without a systematic
study of the Bible.
Devotional exercises were conducted by
Rev. S. G. Lambkins.
Evening star., 1909-05-10
PROMp1NESS SAVES Bis LOSS
FIRE IN ONE OF THE GEoLoGI-
CAL SURVEY LABORATORIES.
Damage Probably Several thousand
Dollars-Request for Safe
Building Ignored.

Fire was discovered in one of the
laboratories of the geological survey,
fourth floor of No. 1890 street north
day morning. and a call for the fire de-
partment brought out a number OF
companies. The fire was discovered by
l.. F. Locke. watchman in the Munsey
building. and ii was due to his timely
warning that much valuable property
and costly records of the survey were
not destroyed. Many persons employed
in the business section of the city were
attracted TO the burning building. and
some of them were willing to assist
the firemen in the work of saving the
records. but the firemen had the blaze
under control in a short time and pre-
vented the destruction of the more
valuable books.
Two fires in the rooms OF the geo
logical survey on prior occasions, one
on the night Of December %, 1908, and
the other December 16. 1908, had given
firemen considerable trouble, and when
they responded to the alarm yesterday
morning they knew just what was ex-
pected. They knew of the chemicals
in the laboratories and realized that
an explosion was likely. They lost
no time getting water in the building.
however and were soon certain they
would be able to avert an explosion.
Just what amount of damage the fire
yesterday morning caused has not been
definitely determined. although. 1t is
stated. 1T will probably amount to sew
eral thousand dollars.
James r. Garfield. who was Secretary
of the Interior Department at the time
the second fire occurred in the rooms
of the survey. realized the Importance
of protecting the valuabl records. and
appealed to Congress for an appropria-
ton for the erection of fireproof
building in which to accommodate the
survey. Senator Guggenheim intro
duced bill providing for an appro-
plration Of $1.1OO.O0 for the erection
Of such building. but the bill has not
yet been favorably acted upon.
Fire Marshal Nicholson inspected the
scene OF the fire yesterday and made
an investigation. He reached the con-
clusion that the fire had been caused
by spontaneous combustion. Today en-
ployes and others were working in the
building to save as many of the dam
aged records as possible.
Evening star., 1909-05-10
FUNERAL OF DIR. BROOKE.
Sandy Spring Physician to Be
Buried Tomorrow.

Funeral services for DR.. Roger Brooke,
who died at his home In Sandy Spring,
Md, yesterday morning, after an illness
of several weeks of heart trouble, will
be held at the residence tomorrow morn
ing at II O'Clock.
Dr. Brooke was born in Sandy Spring
sixty-three years ago. and for the past
thirty years has been a practicing physi-
clan there. He was a member of the
Montgomery County Medical Society and
its first president. He was we'll known
in Washington. BY religious profession
he was an Orthodox Quaker. His wife,
three daughters-Mrs. Robert Golfer of
Baltimore, Md; Mrs Roland Smith of
Maine and Miss Sarah Brooke-and two
sons-Capt Rogert Brooke of the Medical
Corps of the United States Army and Ed
ward Brooke of Texas-survive him.
Evening star., 1909-05-10
GOOD TEMPLAR ELECTION.
District Lodge Holds Session With
Virginia Subordinate Branches.

The District Lodge. No. I. International
Order of Good Templars. of Maryland.
held an all-day session with Fidelity
Ledge, No 326. Bethesda Saturday. The
first district has six subordinate lodges.
including Pioneer Lodge. No. /. of Falls
Church. Va. The Grand Lodge of Nir-
ginia placed itself recently under the jur-
isdiction of Maryland. J. ". Lawson,
district chief templar. presided.
The morning session was devoted to rou-
tine business. the comforting of district
degree and consideration of reports of Of
ficers- Those present from Pioneer Lodge
E. Thorne. Mrs. James A. Poole, Miss
Edith Payne Miss Catharen Sullivan,
Miss Ruth Sullivan, Miss Grace Thomp-
son and Miss Matilda Elliott.
In the afternoon officers were elected
and delegates and alternates to Grand
Lodge chosen. The new officers are H.
McElfresh district chief templar: Nettie
Watkins district vice templar; Alike Law
son. District superintendent of juvenile
work; district secretary. Miss Ethel
Payne: district treasurer Mrs. Fidelia
Walker Snyder: district marshal. Ola
lawson: district deputy marshal. Bertha
Lawson: district guard. Miss Matilda Eli
lott, and district assistant secretary.
and r. c. Beale were elected delegates to
Grand Lodge. and Alfred Wilson and
George w Hawxhurst. alternates.
The lodge accepted an invitation from
Pioneer Lodge to hold its next quarterly
session in Falls Church the third Tuesday
in August A program was rendered
which included addresses by : w Rus,
sell Margaret Owens, Fidelia Snyder and
Mrs. Thorn: instrumental solos by Ruth
Wilson and Grace Thompson, song oy
Prof G. W. Walker and trio by Mr. ana
Mrs. c. C. Lawson and Prof. Walker
Mrs SNYDER, accOmpaniSt.