davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

A boy was asked TO explain the Glf-
ference between animal instinct and
human intelligence. IF we had in
stinct," he said, I'VE should know
everything we needed to know with
out learning II; but we've got reason,
and so we have to study ourselves
most blind, or be fool UNIVERSAL
ist Leader.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
Absent-,Iinded AIdermnn.

A Lynn (Mass) alderman at re
cent aldermanlc meeting inquired what
had become Of an order he had intro
duced some time before calling for an
are light ON Willow street The city
clerk, after digging into his files, in
formed him that the order had come
before the board nearly a month pre-
yious and that he had voted against 1t.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Editor (of Daily Thunderbolt) -Yoop-
er, you have fallen down on two or three
assignments lately. You used to have
the best nose for news there was in the
Office.
Reporter think l had--but it's been
pulled once or twice lately, and I'm get
ting cautious about using it.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Country Cousln--Are you sure am
in the right train?
Town Relative (who has had about
enough of it)-Well, have asked sew
enteen porters and thirty-two passen-
gers, and they all say, yes" so
think you'd better risk it-London Tel
egraph.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

miss Easton," said the hostess. this
Is Mr.. Weston"
Delighted TO know you, Miss Easton,"
said the young man. "Nomnally, how
ever, we seem to be antipodes."
Actually, too, perhaps, Mr.. Weston"
she answered. SO dstantly that he instant.
ly felt himself to be 1850 miles away.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

''rhey tell me, Mr.. Smithers," simpered
the fluffy young thing. that you are quite
a lady killer"
They do me an injustice, upon my
word, Miss Giggley," responded the gal
liant old beau, laying his hand on his heart
and making profound bow Il catch 'em
pIive"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
Must lie unrd work.

In Russia there is cheap reaplng
machine which has a reel, but no au-
tomato rake, man sits on the plat
form and rakes of the grain with
pitchfork. The name of this machine
Is 'lobogrelka," and since "lobo" means
'brown and "greika" is "a heater
the whole can be translated brow
sweater"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

''Gentlemen said the POSTMASTER at the
banquet, I'VE have listened TO some excel
lent orators this evening and | am sure
we have enjoyed their efforts very much.
have purposely kept one of our best
speakers for the last. and after you have
heard him | know you will be glad 10 go
home. Gentlemen, | have the honor to
present Mr.. Ketchnm A. Cummin, who
will now address you Chicago Tribune.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
New FIshe. in the Sea.

In communication to the Royal So
ciety Of Queensland, Dougles Ogilby re-
cords the discovery of one new genus
and seven new species Of fish. Among
these are slender dog shark, Howe's
needle fish, long beaked garfsh, the
somber leather iaeket and others.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
Mix for rheumatism

The following is never failing re-
cipe for rheumatism. To one-half pint
of good whiskey, add one ounce syrup
sarsaparilla and one ounce Toris com
pound, which can be procured of any
druggist. Take in teaspoonful doses
before each meal and before retiring.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

TITS good thing that man wants
but little here below" remarked the
home grown philosopher.
Because why1" querled the youth.
"Becnuse that's all there is left after
woman gets what she wants answered
the philosophy generator.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
Not Worth While.

"Don't you think. Mr.. Sply," said the
boss, you might as well take of your
hatf"
What's the useT' asked the new man,
who was filling a temporary vacancy in
the clerical department. I'm only goinT
TO hold this job two weeks"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Reporter But, Senator, in govern
ment like ours, don't you believe in the
principle Of rotation in office?
Eminent Statesman certainly do,
young man. That's why l have a reyoly-
ing chair In my Office.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

There is dangerous stage In every
ones career when bis friends are
afraid to tell him compliment for
fear It will make him more concelted
Boston Globe.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Emily (playlng "house') Now, III
be mamma and your be papa and little
Ben and Bessie will be our babies.
Willie (after moment, anxiously)
Amt 1t about time TO whip the chill.
dren ?--Meggendorfer Blaetter.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Former Customer latter long abb
sence) What has become of the pretty
blonde that used to feed the hungry at
this lunch counterY
Dark Skinned Waiter Grl-I'm her.
What you goin' to order, sir?
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

you'd like to be IN South America
during revolution, would your What
fort"
20. Id Ike to see the wheels 90
round"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

LongsFace lndividual-Young man
You can't attend to your business II you
don't keep straight
Young Man-That's all you know
about it. I'm contortionist.-- Boston
Transcript
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Man with the Bulging Brow-7Awful
sloppy. isn't IL?
Man With the Dubious Nose--It amt
half as sloppy for you as 1t is for me.
My overcoats In soak
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

ofhclous Salesman Wouldn't you like
70 look at some OF our oyercoatings or
sultingsi
Dyspeptic Looking Cnstomcr-No. but
II you will be kind enough TO tell me
where the drug department Is I'll take
look at your pillngs and porous plaster
tpgs."-Chicago Tribune,
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
untimeIy interruption.

Orlando Spoonamore bent over the fair
hand and respectfully kissed it.
Young man. screeched the parrot In
the cage overhead, lis there anything the
matter with my lips2'
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
For Example.

ITO make long story short" said I'm
Gle Chinner, I'VE collected the maple sap,
emptied it into a huge iron kettle, and
put it over a big wood fire to boil it
down"
TO make your long story short, uncle"
interrupted one of the listeners, suppose
you boil that down, too.'
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

1t has been stated on British authority
that American immigrants into Canada
are taking fifty million dollars worth OF
property into that country each year.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

A hye-year-old boy on hearing grace
asked fol the first time at breakfast
gruvely emarked 81 only say my
prayers at night. That is the danger
GUS time Life.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The following sign is displayed by a
firm Of cycle and motor manufacturers at
Hornsey, England 10 aeronauts Drop
here for petrol"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Johnny" said Mrs Lapsling, putting
on her wraps. I've been in the house ali
day and need the fresh air. If you'll
mind baby little while III 20 and take
a preamble around the block"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The fact that no death from hydro
phobia has been recorded in England
since 1902 Is cited ms an illustration Of
the preventive treatment Of disease.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The Grenoble district in France is
noted IN the export trade Of that country
for two very different products walnuts
and kid gloves.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

A good, honest remedy for Rheumatism,
Neuralgia and Sore Throat is Hamlin's
Wizard OIL. Nothing will so quickly
drive out all pain and Inflammation.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
ctIREp IN 8 re bal ID

PAZo OINTMENT "a guaranteed 70 cure any
case OF Itching Bind. Bleeding or protruding
Piles in to "a days or money refunded Soc.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

shipbuildlng Ia Japan mploys 10000
men at Nagasaki. 5000 at Kobe and 1000
at Osaka All the japanese yards are
full Of orders.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

81 Wish my dentist wasn't so realistic"
said Mrs. Jenner Lee ondego Gle calls
his dental psrlor his drawing room"
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The average rent paid for New yorh
City tenements and apartment houses,
built within five years amounts TO SAG
annually for each person living in them.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The golden crested wren Is the smallest
I British birds. It is three and half
Inches long and seyeuty-two Of them
weigh one pound.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

In reply TO an advertisement for a
woman typist alta salary Of S3.75 week.
London firm on March 4 received no
fewer than 397 replies,
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

New York City has move asylums,
homes, hospitals and organizations for
the relief OF human suffering than any
other city in the world
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The long feathers of birds wing are
fastened to the bone. 1t is this which
gives the wing the strength and surface
vherewith to beat the air.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Some of the saloons in Liverpool dis
play the sign Ladies can not be served
without their hats on.'
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Mothers will find Mrs Winslow's Soothing
syrup the best remedy to use for their children
during The teething period.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

1t is estimated that 10000 persons IN
New York City make their living by
their wits, which means the lack OF wit in
others
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Lost In the Australian bush. near Port
Darwin. for five days, engineer-commande
r. s. SILK was found alive and we'll by a
black tracker.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

At Rheims, France. portable bathtubs,
allied with hot water, are delivered to or
der
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

"You don'tY' howled the would-be con
tributor, pointing with quivering finger
at the word "loathes" at the end of the
fourth stanza. did you ever see poem
before that had a perfect rhyme for
clothes ?'-Chicago Tribune
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08
~, cInim 10 ImmortoIity.

81 don't see anything remarkable in
ur poem said the editor handing it
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Only One "BRoMo QUININE"
That is LAXATIVE BRoMo QUININE. Look
for the signature of E. W. GROVE. Used the
world over to Cure a Cold in One Day 25c
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Tn. folding envelope was arst used in
1889.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

The municipa ~ Of Copenhagen has
opened war ON rats. and win pay ia
ents for every tail. The breeding OF
rats for their tails is criminal oaensa
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

A youth OF seventeen, who hanged him.
self at Bristol England. painted himself
with green from head 10 foot just before
the act.
The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1909-04-08

Inc posrmen or spain are unable 20
read and write as a rule and it is com
mon saying that who treats the postman
best gets the moss lettess
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
THE CLIMBERS

4 MISSOURI girl Skinned to the top
"a of a high pole on big building,
4 and is now famous. She is the pio-
neer steeplejenny, and the advocates of
woman suffrage have another argu-
ment. Women are certainly climbers,
these days. They have climbed into all
the learned professions, into all the
trades. into all occupations. Some of
them are running newspapers and
making good" Others are writing
editorials remarkable for keen insight
into human nature. Some have defied
Paul and are preaching and speaking
out in meeting. Some have gone into
the police business and patrol the
streets. Some have navigated ships on
the great lakes. One at least took u
vessel safely across the Atlantic. They
have monopolized the typewriting in
dustry, and there are now more fe-
male than male clerks. They make
good shorthand writer's, because they
practice and persevere, and don't quit
merely because they cannot dash off
five or six hundred words a minute af-
ter a couple of hours experimenting.
From most of the departments at
Washington they have ousted the men.
They occupy many positions of trust,
and have never been known to elope
with the funds and a strange cavalier,
although male cashiers from time to
time are reported to have made hurried
trips to the Canadian or Mexican bor-
der, accompanied by the firms cash
and a dizzy blonde.
One reason for the success of woman
is that her sense of responsibility lasts
twenty-four hours a day. while some
times a mans sense of responsibility
terminates with the last clock tick of
his eight working hours.
We nearly forgot to say some women
are still engaged in the old-fashioned
business of raising families and keep
ing house. While Mary, the new won't
an, is perfecting herself in all modern
wisdom and philosophy, Martha, the
old woman eve use the word old in the
Pickwickian sense), is still doing the
dishes and cleaning the rooms and get
ting Tom and Harry and Sue and Bet
ty and Dorothy Draggletail ready for
school And for this let us be truly
and duly thankful.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
HOSPITALITY

TT is announced by the Elks hotel
committee that accommodations
L are being reserved for the coming
celebration. AS Chairman Harrison
points out, Los Angeles is better pre-
pared to entertain a crowd than is any
other city twice it's size in the country.
Los Angeles is not merely hospitable
in intention, but it knows how to be
hospitable. When a crowd is expected
preparations for that crowd are made
in advance.
Never is Los Angeles found in the
pitiable plight of Washington at in
auguration time. Never by any chance
is Washington properly prepared for
an Inauguration. That is why there
is always an unusual amount OF SUI
fering if the weather is bad.
But Los Angeles can always take
care of a crowd because it makes
preparations and does not trust to
luck. Apart from all other considera-
lions it pays to make preparations for
hospitable entertainment of guests. A
crowd well taken care of at cele-
bration is one of the best advertise
ments a city can receive. We must
all unite to make the visit of the Elks
to Los Angeles so pleasant that they
will remember it for the remainder of
their lives The Elks will be welcome
and Los Angeles will not take it out
in talk" We will give them good
time and make them comfortable. For
that is the Los Angeles way.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
KITE DAY

~ TIE DAY was celebrated with en-
II thusiasm by eager crowds of
IN kitefyers. The kite tournament
is a marked addition to the attractions
which Los Angeles has to offer to Wis
itors, and is highly appreciated by
Irregular citizens" as we'll
There is no city in the United States
where there is so much to vary, adorn,
amplify and embellish the act of liv-
ing as there is in Los Angeles. To an
optimist with a mind as serene as the
cloudless skies, our happy metropolis
seems like an encampment at the por-
tails of heaven. Nothing can possibly
be imagined that is more enviable than
the lot of the citizen who comes to
Los Angeles and gets a square deal
from the generous inhabitants of this
heaven blessed, altruistic settlement.
"Kite Day. is more than day Of
recreation or celebration. It possesses
a scientific value, and many of the
demonstrations made at the tourna-
ment were most interesting to onlook-
ers with scientifically trained eyes.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
TWADDLE

"ERE is a choice example of what
II we believe most of our readers
- will call twaddle. 1t was uttered
by r. Fulton Cutting, one of New
York's Four Hundred. at the gradual
ing exercises of the New York Trade
school:
Take John D. Rockefeller for a
model as you go through life. Bear in
mind that he started in humble po-
sition, at a very small salary, and by
patience, hard work and perseverance
won his way to the top"
If Mr.. Rockefeller's most noteworthy
characteristic had been any one of the
three graces mentioned, If it had been
patience, hard work or perseverance,
there would have been no occasion for
criticism. Indeed, Mr.. Cuttings COM
mendation of Mr.. Rockefeller would
have been universally applauGed. but
Mr.. Cutting, whose opportunities for
observing and judging human nature
have been limited, owing to the mis-
fortune of his birth, has left out of ac-
count the element without which Mr..
Rockefeller could not possibly have
succeeded in piling up huge fortune.
That element Is cunning. Other
things being equal, the cunning man
will get ahead of the human being who
has only his brains, his generous heart
and his courage. We refuse to believe
Mr.. Rockefeller is a model for the
youth of this nation.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
BIRD OF CALIFORNIA

VIZ HILE the glorious eagle is the
w national bird, the gallant stork
w is the bird of California. Thanks
to the patriotism of the stork the pop
ulation of California is being increased
with unexampled rapidity, and the
ranks of native sons and daughters are
being recruited at such rate that in
few years there will be societies of
Imported Sons and Daughters, SO that
the minority of the population of Cali
fornia may have organization and rep
resentation. In 1908, in eighteen coun-
ties of the state there were more births
than deaths. In the following cities the
number of births exceeded deaths. LOS
ANGELES, Alameda, Berkeley. Eu-
reka, Fresno, Oakland, Pasadena, Riv-
erside, Salinas, Santa Cruz and Santa
Rosa.
So even in its birth rate Los Angeles
is booming. And happy indeed are the
babies born in Los Angeles. There is
not an infant in the world today who,
if he could talk, would not tell you he
would like to have been born in Los
Angeles. We are fast evolving a new
race of people in this sunny cline, peo-
pie of genial, sunny dispositions, with
big, conscientious hearts, free from all
envy and from all malice. and always
willing to believe that the rule of the
greatest good for the greatest number
is the best rule in the world, excepting
the Golden Rule, of which 1t is a COM
Elementary corollary.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
TROJAN OR TARTAR

T HEODORE ROOSEVELT has been
sized up by Mike Donovan, former
II middleweight champion eof the
United States. Donovan is one of the
few men who have fought Roosevelt
without suffering undesirable conse-
quences. But the former president was
always lenient in his dealings with Mr..
Donovan. When they exchanged SPAR
ring courtesies Mr.. Roosevelt always
wore gloves.
Mr.. Donovan's amusingly frank rem
iniscences of Mr.. Roosevelt show he
thinks it was a good thing for Teddy"
that Prof. Donovan wore gloves. For,
says Donovan, Mr.. Roosevelt sis neither
a careful nor skillful boxer. But he
is there all the time and takes punish
ment like a Trojan"
Some of the undesirable citizens who
have been hammered by Mr.. Roosevelt
doubtless think he gives punishment
like Tartar.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
FARM LIFE

MT ORVAL d. KEMP of Dayton, O.,
IN former secretary of President
~ .Roosevelt's famous farm life
commission, which is chiefly celebrated
because it did not make a hit with
the farmers, who did not see why
they should be commissioned, is still
harping away in minor chords. He
says measures should be taken to re-
store rural felicity. City life has not
replaced the life that centered in the
farms, he declares.
He mourns over the old fashioned
cuttings and husking bees and barn
raisings. He deplores the fact there
is no longer any such thing as a truly
rural country society, founded on the
life and work of the country, embody-
ing high and constructive and realiz-
able ideas. He asks, shall we not, in
simple justice, devote ourselves to re-
construction? Shall we not try to
learn where lies the heart of both city
and country interests, replacing mis-
understanding and opposition with un-
derstanding and cooperation? Our
source, for it is there we renew our
blood.
In California farm life is at its best:
and Mr.. Kemp's sorrowful picture is
of course drawn from eastern models.
1t is true that the country has to a
great extent been depopulated by the
city, but we believe much is being done
lat last-to make farm life attractive.
Rural free delivery, telephone service,
well built schools and high grade,
down-to-date teachers, and practical
agricultural courses in high schools and
colleges, will soon make country life so
far superior to city life that the boys
will want to stay at home. Farming
will be recognized as a profession, and
the farmer will be called q scientist
Let us not forget that it was centuries
before the cupping surgeons were
emancipated from the occupation of
shaving, and that the BARRIERS pole
of today is the surgeons sign of a
former era. All the professions have
been evolved slowly from simple occu-
pations.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-04-04
CALIFORNIA

CHARLES w. FAIRBANKS, former
vice president of the United States,
" was the center of attraction at
the love feast to the Los Angeles mem
bers of the recent legislature. Mr..
Fairbanks talked of the senate, over
which he presided for four years. An
excellent program made the occasion
memorable The gathering was not
only representative of California To-
cally, but nationally, the relation of
the state with the nation being Well
illustrated in the attendance and the
speechmaking
California's Importance to the ma
ton consists in this: it represents not
merely it's own territory, its statehood,
it's own interests, but western Amer
lea. 1t performs the same function
for the west coast that is distributed
among many eastern states on the At
lantic coast. 1t is of more individual
Importance to the west coast and Pa
cific development than is any one state
to the east coast and Atlantic develop
ment.