Monroe City Democrat. (Monroe City, Mo.) 1888-1919, 1909-07-08
WO vi EN- ARE
WISE
Uncle Horny Shove What
Chance a Poor Man Has.

ANY man who thinks a woman has
no sense of humor," said Uncle Henry,
Numbering about four dollars worth
of complicated gestures, deserves to
be-say, any man who is so bald-head-
ed on the inside as to suppose that
women don't know a joke when they
see 1t deserves to be-well, son, my
gracious, he deserves to be married.
And that's all there is to 1t.
did you see this? Did you read
this in the papers? BY gum, it's a
cOrker. Listen here.
"A young idiot goes and enlists in
the navy. They give him some blue
clothes and black eye, a slop bucket
and light breakfast, and set him to
work improving the complexion of the
starboard watch ahoy. Say, he was
sore alb over.
Had girl ashore, too. Fact Is, she
put him up to it, Well, sir, he was in
and he couldn't get out. So he mani
cured the brass work, learned to say
'Gessir' and NOsir,' and click his heels
and salute every time any gold braid
came along and after awhile his time
was up.
Then listen 'No.more discipline, he
says No more bowling and scraping,
he says. No more being afraid to call
your soul your own, he says. Not
with the girl on shore ready to marry
me- he says. I'm through with dis
cipline and backing water for life, he
nd ha ;uL .
the navy like he was almost human.
Then by gracious, what does he
do? Well, sir, by gum, be goes right
off and marries the girl. Think II
over. son; take it easy and get the
meat out Of It. That's right go ahead
and laugh. Honest, can you beat 1t?
Goes right home, he does, right out
OF the navy, and marries the girl
Never waited to get the crick out OF
his back, even. Tried of discipline, he
was. And he goes right off and gets
married! Wanted a chance to call his
soul his own, he did. And as soon as
he gets a living show he beats right
out and becomes a husband. Regular
husband, by gracious, and before that
he was only sailor.
But the girl, son; the girl! Wasn't
she the goods? Can you see It? Does
1t get to you, the whole business?
There she was, just an ordinary
sort Of a female woman girl person
Nothing extra, understand, like a.
though she was bigger than he was, Of
could throw straight, or anything. No
sir. regular straight, average girl.
And there he was. High am
mighty sort Of a male man. Used t.
go out with the boys and come bacl
with the kstEenjammer. Stood III
straight and looked EN- over Regula
unmarried sort of a guy. Wouldn'
take nothing from nobody.
Now, see. Pipe the foxy fossiS
She was over seven. What chanc
would she stand with him? Nix. s.
what does she do? She pumps hin
full OF saltwater literature. She hand
him over to the myrmidons OF tn
Quarterdeck and lets them beat tn
fear that cOmeth with understandin
into HIM with 1sInch gun. Say. sOE
II was grand.
Then she waits for him to com
out 0riAs A. he plunges over to he
ntASo cottage door. And when he says
WIN year sAs gets red II the fac
!trytaE to frame up You bstcbsr life
In some more modest and retiring SCI
OF ian8uAGe.
"wOuld she! Would abe be his
iwouId shs3 Holy hopping ASopskirtI
WAT n. the name OF seAaes h4a sh
!bSsA tlatHIna &ir norf WOsh she b
;Aik9 n hainate n she haA not a
ready asci6ad ahat he was going I
ne hers. AhA. Bay. son what shanc