davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
His BiUken
BY Judd Mortimer Lewis.

i have got to get me a Billiken,"
said Jinx. as he stopped to kiss his
wife good-by before starting for bis
Office last Monday morning.
So far as Jinx' remark went 1t
landed properly. but as Mrs. Jinx at
the moment of the aiming of the kiss
took sudden notion to turn and as
certain If il was possible to see her
self in the mantel mirror across the
hall, the kiss drew a moist line across
her starboard cheek, lodged beneath
her ear, and exploded innocuously in
her back hair
And what in the world is Bill
ken?" queried she, turning in light
ming effort to catch the already I'M
puckered quicker of Jinx' lips.
You don't mean to say that you
don't know what Billiken is? A
Billiken is a sort of good luck idol
carved out of ivory or celluloid or
soap or something never examined
one closely-and it perches on your
desk and grins perpetually with so
contagious a grin that everyone near
its perch grins in sympathy. 1t Is an
insurance against fool woman turn
ing her head just as her husband is
about to kiss her. IL a Billiken had
been perched on my desk yesterday
when we went to visit our folks in the
country ! would not have been butted
into the hog lot by the goat, chased
beneath the barn by the old boar, mol
would / have played hole in the
ground for a cotton-tail and drawn
polecat; and you would not have pur
chased another merry widow las
week when you already had a pillbo,
and a sun-kissed that you had scarce
ly worn. i certainly need Billiker
IL any man ever did! Clemens ha!
one and his mother-in-law is as tame
and gentle as a sucking dove; Tips
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
The Temple Of Miruana
BY ADA NIXON
Copyright, by Daily story Pub. Coz

Hugh Stoker opened his eyes to the
light of one strange day and found
himself in a room he had never seen
before The furnishings were quite
different from his own: unfamiliar de-
signs stared at him from the walls.
unfamiliar pictures looked down upon
him from unfamiliar frames; the rugs,
the curtains. the hangings were all
strange to him. AS he lay there won
dering, he suddenly remembered that
he had died the night before.
"a certainly took poison and turned
OH the gas and then went to bed in
my own room last night. Am alive
then, or dead?"
He satup and gazed about him, but
could recognize nothing excepting the
garments upon chair near by, which
were his own. Upon the table beside
lis bed was red-bound volume which
bore a title IN black characters in an
unknown tongue He fell back among
the pillows and strove to collect his
scattered wits, but he was dazed; his
memory was unable to recall the
events of the evening before, pre-
ceding his rash act at bedtime. He
did not even remember what had driv
en- him to take the fatal step. He
only knew that he had killed himself
the night before.
Then / must be dead after ALL" h
murmured.
Finally it occurred to him to lool
out the windows, but the garden o
flowers below and a high stone wal
beyond, told him nothing. Outsid
the wall was wood or park, and hi
| windows were barred
This is. no hallucination. certainly,
he remarked uneasily, as he tried tn
iron bar, what sort of joint is this
and how on earth did | get here
Hello, what's that?'
The light from the window ha
brought out from the shadows in ia
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

TO be hereafter. In the language Ten
nyson has not yet used:
81 have dipped into the future TAR as
human eyes could stand.
Seen the folly of the world and other
things TO beat the band. -
81 have glimpsed a finish for old
Aunt Grundy that is fright OF
course. looking through the pages OF
future history. have found myself
an immortal"
whats her name?" asked Xanthip-
ne. reaching around for stove lid.
II mean have found myself to be
an immortal. But don't choose to be
one. / don't want to live forever In
this ravine of snivels. There'll be toe
much to try a sane mans patience
along about 1900 Ami Domino.
see and here he forgot entirely his
delicate task of sole-paring. and his
ewes became clairvoyant. Il see d
rectoire gowns and wireless telegraph
and affinities: / see everybody dodg
ing automobiles and occasionally
moor dodger that doesn't make 1t;
see monkey dinners and thumb-prin
signatures; / see great fortunes wor
by some men because the others wer'
too dense TO see how to keep then
from Il: / see the autocratic ruler o
an empire told by his popularly-elect
ed parliament to keep still except un
dor uroper surveillance. while IN
beao of a certain republic dictates Z
his porularly-elected lawmakers suel
laws as they are permitted-nay,c com
palled,- to rake, and tells his peopl
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

The drummer placed his hand on his
bald spot and caressed it reminis-
Gently.
Florida and California may be all
right for raising vegetables in hur-
ry, but il you want to see crops get
right up and hump themselves go to
Kansas. Trains runnin' through Kan
sas have big signs up in the cars
warnin' passengers not to throw any
thing OF the car. Why? Because
they've found it amt safe. Cook on
a diner threw off hunk of bologna
one hot day last June and next day
the train went through pack OF
hundred and fifty-two mongrel dogs at
the identical spot.
Il was travelling through there last
July and was standin' on the rear
platform with an old fellow from Paw
paw Junction, Tennessee. When he
thought nobody was looking the old
fellow peeled OF big squash seed
poultice from his shoulder blade and
tossed 1t overheard. Just then the
conductor came out and saw 1t.
Hi, there, what was that?" says
the conductor.
Nothing but a squash seed poul-
tice," says the old gent.
Great Scott" yells the conductor
"a squash seed poultice! Don't you
know that is penitentiary offence!
| The law says distinctly that any man
woman or child who throws, heaves
casts, hurls or otherwise dumps
squash seed poultice upon, into, under
or about the right Of way of any rail
road in this state stands liable to con
viction and sentence to five years IL
the pen. Did you know that, sir?"
The old gent said he hadn't though
to post up on Kansas law of late ant
couldn't say positive.
That's the law. sir" said the con
"but we'll say nothing this time
providing you lay low and sneak GU
of the state inside Of three days
| Well, next day went back over tn
same route. They had snowplow o.
the engine.
What's that for? Had a bllizzar
east?" says /.
| Worse" says the conductor.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
With the Worlds
Great H1lnoriSfS
Selections from writings of the Best KnotOn
O. Mirfb

glasses few from his nose and he
made a desperate grab for them,
slipped on the dewy grass of the
lawn and pushed his face viciously
into the soft loan of the flower bed.
As he marched into the house to re-
make his toilet Mrs. Jinx was tactful
enough to refrain from all remarks.
Il must get Billiken or take out
some accident insurance." gritted he
when once more on his way. With
a Billiken on my desk this morning
would have been an altogether differ
ent affair"
AS Jinx slipped into his office coat
and approached his chair he stopped
at the sight of an impish little figure
perched by the side Of the letter tray.
Mister Dingbustit, where your wife
trades, sent 1t to you with his COM
pliments Saturday after you went
home" explained the Office boy.
"And it has been on my desk since
Saturday."
Eyes, sir"
Carefully Jinx lifted the Billiken be-
tween the thumb and forefinger of his
right hand, tiptoed to the window and
dropped it on a momentum gathering
fight of IA stories to the sidewalk
below; then turning to retrace hi:
steps he fell over the wastepaper bas
ket. knocked a hundred-dollar type
writer from its spider-legged desk tt
the floor.
AS the wreckage was being restored
to order the elevator boy left his cage
long enough to run across the hall ant
inform Jinx that a concealed ASSASSIN
had hurled a Billiken at his, -Jinx'
partner as he was about to enter thu
building, and had hurt him so badl.
that he would probably be laid up TO
q week.
Jinx looked at the gazelle-eye,
stenographer for a moment, con
sidered the youth and purity of tn
office boy, clinched and unclinched hi
hands, and said: "Oh. fudge!"
Copyright, 1903. by w. G. Chapman)
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

Once in Athens, Greece, whence
come the hero stories and the men
who sell dusty candy on the street
corners, lived George F. Socrates, the
champion heavyweight philosopher OF
Parthenon county. When he came in
to the grocery OF the Miltiades Bros.
and reached into the cracker-box, all
the other hands were hastily with
drawn.
One evening when Soc returned
home from his daily toll at the store
and began 10 pare his stonebruises on
the front stoop. he said to his WIFE
Xanthippe:
KAN"
Hush up. you old loafer."
1--WE been looking into the future
and figuring out how things are goina
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

Pills, which he said had made q bad
back well. enabled him to sleep bet
ter nights and feel more at for work.
The treatment also cleared up the
urine. On January 8. 1909. Judge Law
confirmed his previous testimony. Il
have recommended this remedy 10
many people since / flrst used It,"
said he.
Sold by all dealers. so cents q box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo. N. y.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

for a fact, l recollect how my wife's
first husband came blame nigh bein'
killed by a pumpkin one afternoon
down there. Seems like he'd got in its
way when it started CROWN good and
it run him quarter of a mile. He
saw it was goin' to land him so he
lodged an tn Internal thing went
right through the side Of new barn
and killed tn best heifer on the place.
Yes-Kansas Is no SLOUGH when II
comes to CROWN crops lively!"
After a brief wait the drummer
arose and went outside where he wa
heard communing with himself Sc
verely.
Copyright, 1909. ~ W. q. Chspnaa)
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
NEW IDEA
Helped VIE. Couple.

1t doesn't pay to stick too closely to
old notions of things. New ideas often
lead to better health, success and hap
piness.
A Wis. couple examined an idea new
to them and stepped up several rounds
on the health ladder. The husband
writes:
Several years ago We suffered from
coffee drinking, were sleepless.
nervous. sallow, weak and irritable.
My wife and / both loved coffee and
thought It was q bracer." (deImion)
Finally, after years Of suffering, We
| read of Postum and the harmfulness
| of coffee, and believing that to grow
we should give some attention 10 new
ideas, We decided 70 test Postum.
when we made II right we liked II
and were relieved Of Ills caused BY
coffee. Our friends noticed the change
-fresher skin, steadier nerves. better
temper. etc.
These changes were not sudden.
but relief increased as we continued to
drink and enjoy Postum, and we lost
the desire for coffee.
MANY Of our friends did not Ike
Postum at first. because they did not
make 1t right. But when they boiled
Postum according to directions on
pkg. until 1t was dark and rich, they
liked 1t better than coffee and were
benefited by the change" There's
a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek. Mich. Read The Road to Well
vile" n rkgs.
Ever read the nbovu letters rev
| one appears from time to time. They
are E~nufaes trues ana fu11 Of human
Interest.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

has one and he always guesses the
market right and fills any kind OF a
poker hand he draws to-"
Gracious. Why don't you buy you
a Billiken?"
IF l were to buy one 1t would spoil
the charm. The person who wants a
Billiken rents it for 100 years at the
rate of one cent year, payable in
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

advance. / shall rent one this noon
when l go out to lunch
AS Jinx took backward step back
ward toward the steps he landed on
the cat, and, in an effort TO be as easy
on pussy's ribs as possible, got his
feet pied and caromed of the steps
into the rose-tree which he neatly
split by striking it smartly in the
crotch with his chin. Then as his
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

known far and wide
as the Marrying
Squire" from the
fact that he has mar
ried more couples
than any other on
cialfn Indiana. Judge
Law wrote a letter
in 1906. recommend
ing Doan's Kidney
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
Some Pumpkins
BY Norman n. croweII.

yes, some sapheaded idiot threw
a squash seed poultice out on the
track yesterday and now the tracks
are under three-foot layer of squash
-Hubbards at that! We've got hun
dred dagoes up ahead trying to keep
the line clear, but well run this plow
q week to be safe,"
The drummer sighed and wizened
up chap with a goatee coughed
slightly.
Things do grow amazin' in Kansas.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
pev,n the Old Road.

The big autumn moon roles -
above the frosty pines.
"You like to 90 out drivins! -
said after . long silence.
YES" she answered. nesting eicS
or to him.
"And you always IKE to 80 With
young man who knows how to handle
the ribbons?"
well, er-sometimes I like to 80
with a young man who knows how TO
drop them"
And after that the old horse logged
along unguided.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

Once pom . time man eIumb .
tree ter git rid Of . mad bun. = huS.
ricane come long an blcwed him an
de tree down: den he crswled inter
Z hole in de groun'. ter hide frum q
hurricane, an please God. here come
Q yearthquaks an swallowed I'M
shoes an all. I tell you, folke IT'S
q wise man what know how ter dodge
troubie!-F. L. g., IN Atlanta cOnsst
tuition
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
Melted Woman Press Agent.

Mrs. Charles Neave II the latest
English woman Of birth and education
to 70 into business. She has become
press agent, and It 10 said by her
friends that some Of the best singers
It Cevent Garden. London, are large
" indebted to her for their success
this season. Mrs. Neave II the dangh-
ter Of q man Of title and the widow q
IN army odleer.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

my DEAR" said thin little man to
his wife, this paper says that there -
. woman who goes out and chops
wood with her husband"
''Well, what Of It! l think she could
easily do it II he ID as thin az You are
have often thought Of using you to
peel potatoes with. STRAY Stories.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
Teacher o. Physiology.

Nov we win dissect this odd little
animal. But first Jimmy Pha1g. VIII
you tell me what We have heseT
Jimmy-"Faith, and it's called bat.
MR." Teacher-"very wen. Now.
how many kinds OF bats are thereT
Jimmy-"There are foive. The black
bat, the red bat, the acrobat, the base
hall bat and the brickbat, sir"
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
Tho Human Bye.

The Human Eye.
A marvelously constructed instru-
ment, delicate in the extreme. re-
gpouding to the slightest influence.
What a crime against nature to drug
the eye Everyday eye troubles are
speedily cured by applying externally
DR.. Mitchell's pure. harmless. soofnine
Eye Salve. Is cents. Ask the druggist
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27

I'VE have q man In this prison who
never tried to escape" declared ths
head keeper.
whats he in for. inquired the
visitor.
'Bigamy." replied the head keeper.
= I{ohemia0
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
THE MARRYING SQUIRE
Justice George z. Law Has Broken Al
Reeords.

George E. Law, Justice of the Peace.
49, Franklin ST., Brazil, Ind. 10
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-03-27
kisses and Matrlmony.

The nrst stage Of matrimony u
when a woman kisses her husband to
md out II he has been drinking. In
the second stage II she does any hiss-
ing it is preliminary to asking him
for money.-New York Telegram.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
The Bank ofLatyeh

Report furnished to the State Ex-
aminer of State Banks by the above
Bank at the close of business, on
Dec, ;, 1909:
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
"Babes in Toyland."

One is at a loss to know how to
attempt to convey in words any idea
of "Rabes in T%oyland," the brilliant
operate extravaganza which will be
presented at the Jefferson Theater on
Thursday, Dec. Is, with the entire
production intact just as presented
for over a year and a half in New
York and one year in Chicago. The
delightful music is the work of Victor
Herbert, which is enough to guarantee
the excellence of the offering. The
libretto is the work of Glen Mac
Donough, whose brilliant humor and
keen satire is well known to play
goers. And, best of all, the superb
production was produced by Julian
Mitchell, the past master Of every
art known to stage management. But
who shall write an adequate descrip-
ton of Babes in Toyland?" Before
such an attempt al possibly be sue
cessful somebody will have to supply
the dictionary with an entire new set
of adjectives. The old ones won't do.
They have been used so often to
describe ordinary entertainment that
they would lack significance if ap-
piled to this.
AS one watches it, he asks himself
in wonder where it is all going to
end, this conquest of the possibilities
for the purpose of the stage. A year
or two ago we thought that the limit
had been reached, but we were wrong.
Advances have continued to be made,
though it is incredible that anything
can be more splendid and beautiful
than Babes in Toyland."
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
ELOQUENT SERMON
Bishop Sessums breaches to Good
Congregation at Episcopal Church
Mo Pastor Installed.

Bishop David Sessums Of New Or
leans, preached at the Episcopal
church Tuesday night to a good con-
gregation. His text was from Mark
1885 and his theme was the coming
of the Kingdom Of God. His sermon
was very eloquent and classical, and
was greatly appreciated by all pres
ent.
The Bishop was expected to install
Rev. Percy w. Jones as rector, but
at the last moment Rev. Jones declin-
ed to accept the charge; saying that
he felt unqualified for the work here
and in justice to himself and the con-
gregation could not undertake it.
Bishop Sessums stated to the congre,
CATION that he had several clergymen
in view and hoped soon to supply the
church with an acceptable pastor.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
Show Day Wednesday.

Wednesday was show day in Lafay'
cite, but owing to the cold and damp
weather not as many people came out
to visit the parade Of Wiedemann's
Wild West and Cosmopolitan Show as
is usual on such occasions. The parade
was altogether of the Wild West vari
ETY., cowboys, Indians, stage coach
etc., but while similar parades have
been seen, Wiedemann's was quite at
tractive. Just before the performance
a c~reditable tight-rope exhibition was
given. The show was fairly well at,
tended and was entertaining.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10

that the above statement is true to the
best of my knowledge and belief.
Subscribed and swOrn to before me
this TIN day of December, 1909.
r. G.. BOURQUE. Notary Public.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
Notice.

Notice is hereby given that l have
made application to the Mayor and
members of the City Council of the
city of Lafayette, La, to open and
conduct a barroom during the year
1910 in the said city Of Lafayette, La,
in the Gordon Hotel building, on the
streets, and that if there is any legal
opposition thereto same should be filed
with the said City Council so that the
parties in interest may be heard con-
tradictorily and according to law.
Respectfully,
ROBERT RICHARD.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
A Good Business Location.

For rent, $40 a month, twO-story
frame building, corner Jefferson and
Convent streets (near Meaux Bros.
store). Building connected with city
water works and has complete sani-
tary conveniences. Second story has
two bed rooms, dining room and
kitchen. Building is centrally located
for grocery, or general store.
Apply to N. P. Moss, or Andrew Nc
Bride at Moss Pharmacy.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
The
1.-THE Cat and the Fiddle.'

Salt Lake Telegram.
The biggest crowd the Colonial The
ater has had for any performance this
season went away from the house last
night whistling my Maid in the
Moon one of the song hits of 1.-THE
Cat and the Fiddle 1t was a happy
big crowd, and all were under the
spell of the catchy tunes and the
spirit of ~frivolity that permeated the
show.
1t is seldom, indeed, that a show is
better the second time it comes to
town than it was the first trip, but
such is the case with this little must
cal comedy. When 1.-THE Cat and the
Fiddle" played at the Salt Lake The
alter it pleased, but many improve
ments have been made since then and
as presented last night at the Colonial
it proved immensely popular.
Not a vacant seal was visible down
stairs, and the box Office reported the
sale for the balcony and gallery the
same. Even the boxes were entirely
occupied.
One good thing about the show is
that 1t requires no effort for the audi
ence to enjoy it. All n has to do is
to get comfortably seated and he will
Don be entertained. 1t is just a jolly,
silly. singing comedy with stage tricks
that puzzle and astonish evey minute,
scenery that is beautiful and dazzling
at times, good music and a capable
cast.
Charles Sellon is featured in the
show as Happy the tramp. He is a
pleasing comedian. never coarse, but
yer mirthful. He can sing and he
can make one laugh.
The two Gilmore sisters, taking the
parts of twins, are dainty, winsome
little creatures who quickly win the
hearts of the audience. They are just
'cute"-that describes them. In their
takeof on grand opera they scored a
big hit last night. 1t was splendidly
done and not o%verdone, as is so often
the case in attempts to poke fun at
the grander music. These little girls
are exceedingly clever and their fu-
ture is SURF to be bright.
The chorus can sing as few choruses
do. And that is a fact easily appre-
ciated in these days Of poor stage
voices.
It would take the worst sort of old
crouch to pick flaws in The Cat and
the Fiddle" and as the writer thor
oughly enjoyed himself all through
the show. he is not going to dig up
any faults with it.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10

II you were to read some evening b.
gas, electric or coal oil light and the
following evening read by a Pyro
lamp, you would at once know the
difference, that the light given by the
Pyro alcohol lamp Granddaughter
light did not strain the eyes, but gave
a steady white, FESTIVE light. Prove it
by test; If it fails we will refund the
money. Moss Pharmacy.
The Lafayette advertiser. [volume] (Vermilionville [i.e. Lafayette], La.) 1865-19??, 1909-12-10
Notice.

Notice.
Notice is hereby given to the public
that the property recently transferred
by act of sale to Cecilia Guidry ct ais,
situated corner Main and Jefferson
streets, presently known as the JAG
ques Doucet meat market, said act of
transfer having been vitiated by fail
ure of one Of the contracting parties
to carry out the aims and purposes in
tended in the said contract; therefore
the public is hereby warned not to
purchase or contract for said property
when offered for sale by Cecilia Guild
ry ct ais. or their agents.
DIR. H d. GT1IDRY.