The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1909-07-04
toopyrlsht 1908. By H H. Mcclure :

IN Coz
sswell. SIR" said Mr.. Doolsy, '"tis .
grand wurruk thin sinitors an Con-
4fessmen are doin' In wash'nton. Ne
heart bleeds rr tn poor fellows, steam
In away under tn majestic tin dome ~
IL Capitol thryin' to rejooce tn tariff
{. % weight where 1t can stand on tn
eame platform with me frtnd Big Bill
without endangerin' his life. tn likes
~ 70 want to see tn tarin rejooced
with . Jack plane or an ice pick. But
an tariff has been q good frind 70
some " thin boys an it's Q frind "
frfnds .iv some Nv tn others an they
don't intend to be rough with It, A
little gentle message to re5ooce tn
most prominent prochooberances 10 all
that Il nicissry. Whiniver they rub
too hard an tn tariff begins to groan
8fnitor Aldhrich says: 100 little
hiuier Mhsre boys He's very tender in
some Nv thin schedules. P'raps we'r
Bother stop. rr til day an give him q
bittie nourishmint to build him up ne
aays. An tn last heerd about It. tn
tarfR was far firm bein' tn wan an
omscyated crather ye'er like like TO see
comin' out Nv tn Sinit Chamber. II
won't have to be helped onto ye'er back
an ye won't notice amy difference in
ifts weight. No, sir. shudden't be sur.
iprised 1t II was heartier thin liver.
I. NE Congressman stint me o copy ~
N tArtff bill tn other day. He's
.1ne fellow that Congressman Nv mine.
,a1e looks afther me inthrests well. He
knows what q Er-reat reader am.
don't care what ! read. So he STINT me
- copy Nv I'll 'tarin bill an I've been
Studyin' n f'r O week. IT'S q fine piece
AZ summer lithrachoor. It's full Nv ac-
,kion an romance I haven't read amy
j4hfnR to akel tt since used TO get II
Deadwood Dick series.
ATm in favor Nv havin' II read on tn
Eoorth Nv July instead tv tn Declar-
alton Nv Indypindance. It gives ye
some idee Nv tn kind ~ gloryous gov
ern,int we're Twin undher. to see our
fair Columbia putin her brave young
arms ont an defendin' tn products Nv
I0ur soil firm steel rails to porus plas-
ithers. hooks an eyes. artyficial horse
hnir an bone castings, which comes
undher tn. head Nv clothing an sup
pose II q polite name fr pantaloons.
sTv coorse low sordid people like ye.
EHnnissy, win kick because it's goin'
10 cost 70 more to indulge ye'er taste
In ennervating luxuries. Dye know
Binitor Aldhrich? Ye don't7 I'm SUR
prised to hear that. He knows ye. Why.
he all but mentions ye'er name in two
or three places. He does so. IT'S as
chraA Hinnissy. 10 turnin' tn heads ~
our young men with his garish display.
perure this, countries have persisted
because Nv tn estimation ~ tn arrys-
kocrary. We must presarve tn fdeels
Nv American simplicity. Wen show this
vulgar upstart that he can't humily-
ate his fellow citizens be goin' around
dhressed up like an Asyatic fawrite Nv
HI 1mpror Nesro, be hivins. How will
we get at him, says ye7 Wen put q
Gax Nv sixty per cent on ready made
pIothin' costin' less thin ten dollars a
butt That'll teach him to equander
money wruns Mr.m Jawn D: Rockwell
fher than that. wen put o tax iv for
typsr cent on knitted underwear cost
tnstless thin q dollar twinty five q dog
en-. Wen make In SPECIAL assault on
.wUo1en socks an 'cowhide shoes. Well
make an example ~ this here pampered
babe ftv fortune says be. An there
III is. Ye haven't got thing on ye'er
be fhere haven't got as far as tn
hide schedule yet--that ain't mention
ca IN this here boolwark " DUN iib-
critics.. It's ye'er own fault. II ye will
persist IN wearin' these gee-gaws YEN
have 70 pay fr thin. II We will 80 on
decoratfn' ye'er house with shingles
an paint an putin paper on en- waila
an adornfn' tn inside ~ It with ya'es
,baybaric taste Or eight DAY clocks. cana
bottom chairs an kerosene lamps, ys've
got 20 settle that's al. Ye've Haunt
"a ya'er wealth too long dn tn face ~
q sturdy people,
eyed think tn way such sss We talk
that ivrything 80 taxed. II amt SO.
sTfs an insult to tn pathrittsm Nv Con-
Kress to say So tn Republican Par
ny with q good deal ~ assistance firm
tn pethriotic Dimmycrats has been
thrue to Its promises. Look at tn free
lies, IL ye don't believe 1t. Practically
ivrything nicissry to existnce comes in
free what, for example. says yer I'll
lock. Here It Is. Curling stonea.
There, / told ye. Curling stones.
free. Ye'll be able to buy all ven need
this summer f'r practically nawthin' No
more will ladies comm into this coun-
thry have to conceal curling stones In
their stockin's to avoid tn Ubiquitous
customs.
.swhat elsef Well. teeth. Here II "a
in tn bill: Teeth free Nv tooty.' un-
dher tn Dingley bill they were heav.
fly taxed -Onless We cud prove that
they had cost We less thin hundherd
dollars. or that ye had worn thin FT
two years in Europe. or that ye were
bringin' thin In rr scientific pur-
posss or to give TO q museem. there
was an enormous Jooty on teeth. Tn
Royermint used to sind profissyonal
humorists down to tn docks to catch
tn. teeth smuggiers. But firm now on