davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
REFLECTIONS OF A sAcHELol

From the New York Press.
 Champagne conversation is more bub- bIes than wit
 The thing a woman can trust in man is his untrustworthiness.
 What makes a girl sure of an admirer is for him not to be able to be sure of |. her.
 People could get engaged and stay sane. but nobody would take any interest in them,
 The thing that puzzles woman about politics is why she can't understand 1t any better than her husband doeA.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Few women will consent to admit they are old enough to run for Con- gress, and then, too, they cannot wear a hat while they are on the floor of the House, Uncle Joe would not per init any such innovation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Honus Wagner and Tyrus Cobb should turn to the lecture platform as soon as the worlds championship Is decided One of them will win out, and the other deserved to win, but he had associates who could not hit the ball in an emergency.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

MT. Taft will find no totem pole erected in his honor when he goes to Alaska. He will be persona non grata there now that he has declared against home rule In that part of the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
THE coHkScREW AS EVIDENCE. From the Washington Herald,

foSsession of corkscrew has not vet been made presumptive evidence of intent to commit felony in Alabama. hut ,1 you think 1t nonsense to suspect that if may be. you have not been reading th. late news from down south-thatss .,,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Shore leave in New York deprived the foreign battleships of scores of men. They deserted because they pre- ferred this country to any other they had seen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The crown prince simply wanted to go higAer when he went with Orvllle Wright.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

When Congress raised the duty on lemons to help the California grow CTS the railroads at once raised their rates on lemons, thus taking all the additional money.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

There is nothing the matter of the motor of Halley's comet. It is nov ing right along, sprinkling star dust as it goes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The question now is, not how long the coal seams will hold out, but how the coal bin can be filled before win ter arrives.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

An eleven-year-old boy is enrolled among the freshmen at Harvard. This is a record that should never be euualed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The author of Peter Pan" has de- serted the fairies, and is now found in the divorce court. He simply de- sires to marry stage beauty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

It is the fashion to denounce Joe Cannon but when he seizes the gavel the tide will return, for Uncle Joe is truly autocratic.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The breadth of American citizenship cannot be accurately judged by seelns the Taft memorial chair at Beverly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Premier Asquith has king as an assistant working on the job of gov ernment.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

]. M. Barrie wants to swap actresses. His present wife is an actress and the new one he desires Is a stage beauty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

A polar celebrity or 8 champion aviator goes with every big show now adays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The New Theatre in New York has a bar tucked away in one corner. In this respect it is not rightly named.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Tn some of the New Jersey public schools pupils are supplied with tooth brushes. Socialism is marching on
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The registration lists of New York are growing beautifully and honestly less.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

The Cook lecture in Kansas City dit not meet expenses.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
THE POPULAR KIND

THE POPULAR KIND. Oftmes a bard, when that he finds His muse just liinps along. Takes what he's writ of bungling verse
 And sells 1t for song.
 COMMENT. The Portland Telegram publishes an editorial entitled. "The Way to Get the Money" That's what we all want to know.
 Some people are always trying to make you admit something" says the Atohison Globe. As rule. what they want you , to admit is that they are the greatest ever.
 An automatic milkman is announced from London. Possibly with a pump att taehment.
 A baseball pitcher has just received s1o,oOo from his wife for not contesting her suit for divorce and has signed up with baseball club at a salary of $500 year. Maybe you think life doesn't look rosy to that baseball pitcher The Washington Herald says Armand Holtz, avocat a Ia cour d'appeI ct ancien depute~ de Paris, is at the shoreham l Despite what the Herald says about him, we believe that M. Holtz is a gentle- man.
 l It is reported that a perfectly sober citizen of Maine caught a mermaid. Still. as everybody knows, there Is a consider able leak in the Maine prohibition law. ITO be happy, serve others" saws dear | old John D. And make them nay 2. fancy price for the service? PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

We will not stand to prate; Takers are no good doers; be as sured We Come to use cur hands and not our tonoues. king Richard ILL
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
About Persons.

will be developed that will give us in time the finest bivalves in the country"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
ESCAPED.

aDoes Mrs. Gabbler's conversation cover a variety of subjeets?'
 Yes; but three of them moved to an- other neighborhood last week."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
A DEEP THINKER.

He seems to be scientific sort of per- son.
 "So he is."
 Whats he figuring on?"
 He's trying to devise some way to harness the lifting power of limburger cheese"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
UNDER SUSPICION

Somebody threw stone at stork in the Bronx zoo."
 I'll bet 1t was the proprietor of an apartment house,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14
WAXING LATn.

He swore his love eternal
 And then received a shock. His eyes were on the maiden.
 But her eyes were on the clock.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

AS USUAL How do you stand" asked leading cat politician, ''in this matter of Aleot,n1 an alderman to represent the m,dn,gbt sons?'
 "oh." replied MT. Thomas Brindle, I'm on the fence."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

Ofhmes bard, when that he finds
 Ills muse just limps along, Takes what he's writ of bungling verse And sells 1t for a song.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-10-14

THE CTTAUFFER's WAY. The chauffer "chauffs" along the road. To beat the band, And often leaves us not a leg On which to stand.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26
All Woo
Would Enjoy

good health. with its blessings, must UNI
derstand, quite clearly, that it involves the
question of right living with all the term
implies. With proper knowledge of what
is best, each hour of recreation, of enjoy
ment, of contemplation and of effort may
be made to contribute to living Alright
Then the use of medicines may be dis
pensed with to advantage, but under or
binary conditions in many instances .
simple, wholesome remedy may be invalu-
able if taken at the proper time and the
California Fig Syrup Co. holds that it is
alike important to present the subject
truthfully and to supply the one perfect
laxative to those desiring it.
Consequently, the Companys Syrup Of
Figs and Elixir of SIENNA gives general
satisfaction. To get its beneficial effects
buy the genuine, manufactured by the
California Fig Syrup Co. only, and for sale
by all leading druggists.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Followed a wait of ten minutes or
so, in which a number of vehicles
Joined company with the cab; the pas
senger was vaguely aware of the jar
ring purr Of motor car, like that of
some huge cat, in the immediate rear
A circumstance which he had occasion
to recall ere long.
In the course of time the gates were
again opened. The bridge cleared of
incoming traffic. AS the cabby drove
aboard the boat, with nice considera-
ton selecting the choicest stand of
all, well out upon the forward deck,
motor car slid in, humming, on the
right of the hanson.
Maitland sat forward, resting his
forearms on the apron, and jerked his
cigarette out over the gates; the glow
ing stub described fiery arc and took
the water with hiss. Warm whiffs
of the rivers sweet and salty breath
famed his face gratefully, and he be-
came aware that there was a moon.
His gaze rowing at will, he nodded an
even-tempered appreciation of the
nights splendor-in the city a thing
unsupported.
Never, he thought, had he known
moonlight so pure, so silvery and
strong. Shadows of gates and posts
lay upon the forward deck like stencils
of lampblack upon white marble. Be
yond the boats bluntly rounded nose
the East river stretched its restless.
dark reaches, glossy black, woven with
gorgeous ribbons of reflected light
streaming from pier head lamps on the
further shore. Overhead, the skv. a
pallid and luminous blue around the
low-swung moon, was shaded to pro-
found depths of bluish-black toward
the horizon. Above Brooklyn rested a
tenuous haze. A revenue cutter q
slim, pale shape, cut across the bows
like a hunted ghost. Farther out a
homeward-bound excursion steamer
tier upon tier of glittering lights
| drifted slowly toward its pier beneath
the new bridge, the blare of it's band
swelling and dying upon the night
breeze, mercifully tempered by dis
lance.
Presently Maitland's attention was
distracted and drawn, by the abrupt
cessation of its motors pulsing. to the
automobile on his right. He lifted his
chin sharply, narrowing his ewes
whistled low; and thereafter had ewes
for nothing else.
The car, he saw with the experi-
enced eye of a connoisseur. was a re-.
cent model of one of the most ex.
pensive and popular foreign makes:
built on lines that promised a deal in
the way of speed. and furnished with
engines that were pregnant with multi
piled horse power. All in all not the
style OF ear one would expect to find
controlled by a solitary woman. es-
pecially after ten of a summers night
Nevertheless the lone occupant of
this car was woman. And there was
that in her bearing, an indefinable
something it lay In the car
rage OF her head, which impressed
one as both spirited and independent
or In an equally certain but less tam
gible air OF self-confidence and re-
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

An Grant cabby, cruising aimlessly
but hopefully, sighted Maitland's tall
figure and white shirt from a distance,
and bore down upon him with a gal
liant clatter of hoofs.
"Kebsir?" he demanded, breathless-
ly, pulling in at the corner.
Maitland came out of his reverie and
looked up slowly. why, yes, thank
you" he assented, amiably.
Where to, sir?"
Maitland paused on the forward
deck of the craft and faced about, look
ing the cabby trustfully in the eye. 81
leave it to you," he replied, politely.
Just as you please"
The driver gasped.
You see," Maitland continued with
a courteous smile, 81 have two engage
ments-one at Sherry's, the other with
the 1920 train from Long Island City.
What would you, as man to man, adj
wise me to do, cabby?"
well, sir, seem as you put it to
me straight" returned the cabby with
engaging candor, I'D go home, sir, if
was you, afore l got any worse"
Thank you," gravely. Long Island
City depot, then, cabby."
Maitland extended himself languid-
ly upon the cushions. Surely" he
told the night, "the driver knows best
he and Bannerman"
The cab started on jogging so Sc.
dately up Madison avenue that Matt
land glanced at his watch and elevated
his brows obviously; then with his
stick poked open the trap in the roof
IF you really think it best for me
to go home, eabby, you'll have to drive
like hell" he suggested, mildly.
'Yessir!"
A whip-lash cracked loudly over the
horses back. and the hanson, lurch,
ing into Thirty-fourth street on one
wheel, was presently jounciqg eastward
over rough cobbles, at a regardless
pace which reused the gongs of the
surface cars to clangor of hysterical
expostulation. In trice the al" ex.
tension was roaring overhead; and a
little later the ferry gates were yawn.
ing before them. Again Maitland con-
suited his watch, commenting briefly:
In time"
Yet he reckoned without the ferry,
| one Of whose employees deliberately
and implacably swung to the gates in
the very face Of the astonished cab
horse. which promptly rose upon its
hind legs and paved the air with ges-
lures Of pardonable evaporation. To
no avail, however; the gates remained
closed, the cabby with language)
reined his steed back a yard or two,
and Maitland. lighting a cigarette,
composed himself to simulate patience.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

How culpably ignorant of the early
history of our country the children are
being kept is freshly illustrated by
some examination papers filed at a re-
cent college examination. in which 1t
was stated that Gen. Grant and Ad-
miral Farragut commanded in the
British army and navy during the rev.
olution. Apparently good work will
be found for every post in detailing
comrades to inspect the duties of the
children in the schools
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

The New York taxicabs having be-
come established the inevitable result
follows that their proprietors are feel
ing around for the highest charges
that the traffic will bear. This is so
usual as to create little surprise; but
the public would like for once 10 see
how it seems to encounter a public
service novelty that is conducted or
the effete notion of discovering tn,
lowest prices that will yield bigger
profits by multiplying the traffic.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

An American company is to be
formed to capitalize an expedition to
search in the ocean for the hidden
treasures of Capt. Kidd. AS a hider
that piratical gentleman is still hold
ing the record. He would be worth
his weight in his own gold at this day,
when other hidden treasures are be-
ing dragged to light by probes, inves.
LEGATIONS and other forms of trust.
busting"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

The coast artillery companies at
Fort Washington. Md, claim the
worlds record in mortar firing. having
hit target moving at the rate of five
miles an hour six times in ten shots
at a distance of from 1000 to 5000
yards, and the ten shots were fired in
less than 6H minutes. With marks
manship reduced to an exact science
the leviathan battleships will have to
be wary
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Italy has got the Dreadnoughtitis,
too! A bill has been introduced in
the chamber of deputies calling for
two 20,OO0-ton battleships. When they
get two they will feel lonesome with
out four and with four 1t will be abs,
lutely necessary to have six And s
the dreadful complaint continues Il
grow and fsstens its Unsuitable money.
sucking tentAcles upon the nation
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

A railroad posts in its suburban
cars warnings against "disembarking
from the cars in the terminal yards"
This. as the Frenchman observed, is
most we'll; but might it not be worth
while to join with it an admonition
TO the careless suburbanite to cease
disembarking on the port side of the
trains at stations where the platform
lies to starboard?
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

II the Chicago police have cap
tured the leader of the Black Hand in
that city, they have done an excellent
work. 1t is said that this man has
given information concerning his fell
lows. He was arrested in the act of
taking money from an Italian physi-
clan, who had been threatened by the
gang.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

A looker-on in Venice-Illinois, not
Italy-might we'll be surprised that
the recent spanking of three boys in
that peaceful village should be so
deliberately treated by the metropoli-
tan press. Time was when this was
an almost daily observance in every
home In the land that boosted young
barbarians at play. The old order
changeth."
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

The treasury department, it is said
Is about to have new designs prepared
for the nickel five-cent pieces and the
more or less coppery one-cent coins.
II possible the designs should be
drawn so as not to resemble in any
degree the designs on the new FIVE
dollar gold pieces.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Each succeeding generation is bet
ter than the last. That is why we
do not burn witches nor own slaves.
And we do many things which our
children's children will think criminal
and silly. Our youngsters have every
indication Of living in a better time
than we have seen.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26
SYNOPSIS.

Mad" Dan Maitland, on reaching his
New York bachelor club, met an attrac-
tive young woman at the door. Janitor
O'Hagan assured him no one had been
within that day. Dan discovered a wom-
ans finger prints in dust on his desk,
along with a letter from his attorney.
Maitland dined with Bannerman, his at
torney. Dan set out for Greenfelds, to
get his family Jewels
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

The taxicab is after all an automo-
bile, and it does not hesitate to run
over the innocent pedestrian.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

An English peerless has written a
cookery book. Perhaps the reac-
ton from the suffragette craze is
coming.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Now the price of liberty is quoted
at the market rate OF a sufficient sup
ply of Dreadnoughts.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Taxicabs have increased their rates
In New York, but the old reliable
crosstown horse cars still Jolt alons
for a nickel.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Why jeer at the spring poet when
we all feel the same way?
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

1t must be much pleasanter to pilo
q war balloon before hostilities begi
than afterward.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

For the sake of peace give the WON
en- the ballot!
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

London complains of a shortage of
doctors. The diploma mills must be
more exacting over there.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

The milliners have solved the prob.
lem: What shall we do with our ex.
wastebaskets?
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Now is the time to have your straw
hat cleaned.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

A wise man will enjoy every pleas
ant day to the fullest extent, for he
never knows what is coming.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

Soon will be warm enough for the
open-window cornet player.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

homestead ana lou at $5.OO per acre.
vast rich country and contented pros
porous people."-Erf~aef from eo>1esfondencs
81 a National Editor. zujiose ytsff TO Wesfera
Canada. az AsRast, 1905. zpas an inssiyation
Many have paid the entire cost of their
farms and had balance OF from $1,000 to-
$1,000 per acre as a result of one crop.
Spring wheat, winter wheat, oats, barley.
fax and peas are the principal crops, while
the wild grasses bring to perfection the
best cattle that have ever been sold on,
the Chicago market
Splendid climate, schools and churches.
In all localities. Railways touch most OF
the settled districts, and prices for produce
are always good. Lands may also be pur-
chased from railway and land companies
For pamphlets, maps and information re-
garding low railway rates, apply to Superin-
tendent of1mmgration, Ottawa, Canada. or
the authorized Canadian Government Agent:
Us. CRAWFORD.
10 Us v. Ninth Street. Kansas City. Missouri.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26
Western Canada
MORE BIG CROPS IN 1903

Another $4,000 set
tiers from the United
States. New dis
tricts opened for set
clement. 800 acres
ofland to each set.
tlers-160 free
The Tupelo journal., 1909-10-15
Reads All of Congressman's Speeches

eral other colleagues in that body.
One of the most ludicrous incidents OF
that trip has just come to light.
When the congressional party
reached San Juan, Porto Rico, it met
among other natives of the island a
deep student of American politics.
When he was introduced to Mr.. Mann
he grasped him cordially by the hand,
and said:
What! Is this Jim Mann OF Chi
cago? / am very glad, indeed, to meet
you, and I wish to say that I have
read with interest everything you have
said in the house of representatives
during the las two years"
AS his speech was made in a some
what loud tone of voice, it reached
the ears of several others in the party.
and Mr.. Sherman was seesl advancing
toward the native with outsiretched
hands.
sMy name is Jim Sherman Of Utica.
N. w." he said, sand I want to meet
you myself. If you have read every
thing Jim Mann has said in the house
of representatives in the last two
years / am willing to bet a panama
hat that you have been the busiest
man in this whose island"
The Tupelo journal., 1909-10-15
TAKE CARE OF GOOD HEALTH
Mistake Most People Make Is in Wait.
ing for Bad to Come and
Then Coddiing II.

II we would take Is good care Of
our good health as we do of u bad
health we would have more OF the
former and less of the latter. We set
our good health down in a draft and
let it get its feet wet: we infringe on
its sleep time and gorge it with un-
suitable food at irregular hours. We
load 1t with n~erve-racking cares and
duties, and reply to its frantic ap-
peals for rest with, you haven't
time" We squeeze it with clothing;
we distract its ears with noise and it's
lungs with bad air. But we put our
bad health in a quiet room, on a soft
couch. We robe 1t in a comfortable
gown; we give 1t pure air at stated
intervals; we put ice on its head and
hot water at it's feet; we feed it with
food convenient for 1t. We take
away all care and responsibility; we
give 1t a soothing draught to rest it;
and we pay a doctor 81 to come and
leave 1t a scrap of paper and say that
it will better tomorrow. One might
think we preferred bad health to good
health.-From an Article in Good
Health.