davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Friends and Enemies Of Tarin.

EroIn the Philadelphia Public Ledge-.
There was some dispute during the
campaign whether the tariff should be re-
vised by its friends CT its enemies. the
Republicans being regarded as the friends
and the Democrats as the enemies OF pro
lection The Republicans won, but the
remarkable fact now Is that after max
ing downward revision In the House.
they have made an upward revision
IN the Senate. but only with the assist
ance Of the Democrats. who have turned
out 10 be the most determined protection
fists OF them all.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
A sad Lot.

Why are humorists such a sad lot?'
Because answered one OF the pTofes-
sion. "a humorists own stuff doesn't seem
funny 20 him"
Then let him read the other fellows
good jokes"
But that only makes a humorist irri-
tated. He cusses himself because he
didn't think OF EN- first"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
what Is Goode

What IS the real good e"
asked IN mrlsing mood.
Order. said the law court;
knowledge. said the schcols
Trush. said the wise nan;
Pleasure. said the fool;
Love. said the maiden:
Beauty, said the page;
Freedom. said the dreamer;
Home. said the sage:
Fame. said the soldier,
Equity. the seer.
Srake my heart fulI sadly,
The answer IS not here"
Then within my bosom
Softly this ] heard:
Each heart holds the secret:
ktndness Is the word.
John Boyle OF
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
obserxation About the Nroon.

From tie Kansas City star.
As 4 there were not other records
enough 10 rake up in California. an as
tronOmer out there is prying around 10
discover II the moon was not al one time
a planet But what II Il was2 Opinions
al agree on the point that the neon IS a
dead one" now II Il was formerly in
the class with heavenly bodies that went
the pace" what Is that 10 California;
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
SCISSORED HUMOR
A swamphurst DIversion.

From the Catholic STANDARD and Tines
rs II really only ten minutes walk
TO the station from your house?" asked
Gilman.
What ridiculous question exclaimed
Subbubs Nobody in lovely Swamphurst
ever walks 10 the station I may say.
however. that it's only about eight and
a half minutes run"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
VnrIoun Fields.

"a great many actors are at liberty
just now"
''Weu?''
They say they want work in other
lines"
But are there any opportunities open
70 them -
'Oh, yes. Every farmer wants a quar-
tet or so OF merry harvesters. and every
battle ship carries a big chorus
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
cnustic Comment.

Il want handsome linen when I dine
at a resta aurant." declared the first citi-
zen. y want first-class food; I want a
tastefuIly arranged table. and, above an.
I want perfect service
And you want it an for IS cents" re-
sponded the second citizen. That's all
that ails you"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
IN LATER LIFE.

Better 90 20 college. lad.
When you're young.
Education may be had
For a song.
Better get a little store
While it's free.
Rather than pay millions for
A degree.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Advantages of seismOgraDh..

Frara the Chiczgo Rcco-d-He7aid
Seismographs recently indicated the oo-
currence Of e serious earthquake five
days before word was received that Il
had happened in Borneo. One OF the ad-
vantages Of the seism0graph appears 70
be that il may make possible the start
Ing OF subscriptions a week before any
body knows just where or b. whom re-
lief Is 10 be needed
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
The Drnmmer,s Retort.

From The Chicsgo Ners.
Country Drummer with clgars)-Pardon
me: have you a matchg
Village LOafer (tentatively)-Yes but I
hain't no se-gar.
Country Drummer-Goodi In that case
you won't need the match,
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Why not let ex-Commissioner McLen-
don walk with Reconnaissance Brown ,
They are both in the same boat" sug-
gests the Savannah Press II they both
try to walk in the same boat. they may
rock it and upset It. Perhaps that IS
WHY
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

The Springfield Republican doubts that
Georgia is perfectly competent" to set
tie the negro problem. Georgia doubt
less. would decline 10 leave the question
Of its competency IN that regard 10 a
New England jury.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Chicken RaisinE at Sen.

From ths Baltimore American
I was reading here about some sailors
who raised chickens on their voyage. for
and by way OF amusement and profit. I
shouldn't think a vessel had any con-
venient place for raising chickens"
Couldn't have a better There's the
hatchway"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
EDicuru. Couldn,t Do II now.

From the Norfolk Landmark.
The philosopher Epicurus. according To
Seneca. made a great boast Of having
dined at a cost Of penny Wed Ike
to see him duplicate that feat in this
country now.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

King Edward IS soon 20 spend a week
end with Ambassador Reid After that.
Mr.. Reid VIII be able the better to ap-
preciate Alexander's sadness when he
discovered that there were no nor
worlds in sight that he might conquer.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Up-to-date Utensils.

From the Louisville C0urief-IouraaI.
Have you" inquired the poet. "a
moss-covered bucket about the placer"
mo, sir" answered the farmer. AN
our utensils are sterllized and strictly
sanitary"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

II that so-calied beer tree" grows very
extensively in Africa. We predict there
VIII never be any question OF forest con-
servaiion 70 vex the souls Of statesmen
freighted with responsibility for the prog-
ress Of the Dark Continent.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Bryan complains that the reporters
give him no peace" says the Chicago
Record-Herald. But if they did. would ne
/ be happy?
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
VOL Nenrer Home.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The New Yorker who has gone abroad
to free India from British rule might
have stayed az home and wrested his own
city from Tammany.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Not TnernectedIr.

From the Houston Post
Does your automobile ever break down
unexpectedly"
1T used 70 break down unexpectedly
when 7 first got It. but it doesn't DO so
any more"
Got It fixed so that il doesn't break
down any more. eh2"
''Oh, Il breaks down as often as ever.
but not Unexpectedly"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

"As rule. physicians do not incline
to tell patient the ingredients entering
into the prescription he is taking" says
the Lancet. The tariff doctors do not
mind telling him. but they expect him
not 10 notice the little joker, Of course.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
A safe Rule.

When a fellow. poor or rich,
Minds his biz. you bet
There's lots Of trouble into which
He isn't apt 70 get.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
For Nerre nnd Ncrre.-

ff'rl no Kansas CITY Tines.
When women get fun rights OF suffrage.
some one can surely be elected on A plat
form pledging that every year shall be
leap year. and that Independence Day
shah be changed 70 February g.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

The Literary Digest says whisky IS
not good for snake bite" But. then. the
Literary Digest is not published in a
prohibition State.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
The Stage star.

From the Les Angeles E,xpTess.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star!
Gee. but what a peach you are
Up there on the stage so high.
Kicking toward the vaulted sky!
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Somebody says New York is an unfin-
ished h" according 10 the Memphis
Commercial Appeal Somebody who
lives in Chicago. perhaps.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

"A tame tiger named Roosevelt took
bite out Of its keepers leg over in a
New York zoo the other day" says a
contemporary. That sounds probable
enough, except the tame" part Of II.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Taft is a Joy rider says the Nash
vile Tennessean. Here in Washington
the idea prevails that he is. on the con-
trary, a most particularly careful and
cautious driver.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

The critics do not Ike literary tariff
speech says the Knoxville Sentinel
How do the critics know whether they
do or nOt2
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

II some statesmen would only attach an
amendment 10 the tariff bill guaranteed
to effect an upward revision Of wages.
much would be forgiven Congress.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Mr. Roosevelt has killed a eheetah. No
matter how undesirable citizens spell their
names, the colonel cannot be fooled.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

The Wright brothers are scheduled TO
air few Of their latest aeroplane ideas
at Fort Nyer to-day.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

In one hundred years there win be no
timber left" says the Nashville Tennes-
sean We think there will probably be
some Ohio Presidential timber left.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Defined.

What's a bard?''
"a bard2'
I've seen the word frequently In print %
"Oh, yes Why. bard Is a poet who
won't work steadily"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

A little truth makes the whole lie
pass, says an Italian proverb This sage
observation was promulgated some time
before the day Of Bwana Tumbo. how
ever.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Thr Glff..

or pickle dishes. forty-nlne: OF berry
spoons. gross; the sweet June bride IS
right IN line and fixed for keeping house.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Still, II the weather were freezing cold
you might be telephoning for the plumber,
you know.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Emperor William says he and En-
peror Nicholas stand for peace" accord
ing to the Arkansas Gazette. With their
hands on their guns.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
The Fatted Calf.

Prom the Nashville American.
MID pleasures and palaces.
Tho We may roam
When the stomach is empty.
There's no place ike home"
Aye, when & IS empty.
We chuckle and laugh
And think what we'u do
For pas fatted calf.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

We should say that the sugar trust
gang is even worse than the tobacco
trust gang. only the tobacco trust gang
appears 10 be about the worst EVER.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
SeasonabIe Filtration

From the Baltimore Sun.
Mother. may I so out 70 hirt?
Oh. yes. my darling daughter.
But look for a fellow with plenty OF dirt
To buy the soda water,
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Earnings Of English Authors.

That George Meredith bequeathed for
tune o. Slcl. 900 leads the Philadelphia Press
10 collate some interesting statistics OF
the earnings OF English writers. The
London Chronicle estimated in 1879 that
American readers paid English authors
AZ least 100000 year. That sum has
increased. Sir Edwin Arnold left So 900.
and Sir Thomas Wemyss Reid also SO coo
Each was journalist as well as author.
Dr. John Watson Ian Maciaren) made
So.eo IN one lecture tour. and left a fair
Inheritance 20 his children. Stevenson
left little save his copyrights. but of these
one edition returned $4,000 He received
only about SO per 1900 words for his
novels. Scott received $4,000 for eleven
novels and nine volumes Of tales. .'Endv-
m.on' brought Lord BeaconsheId S52000
and George Eliot received $1,000 from
'Romola, and earned about $4,000 a
year. The highest sum paid for his
tory was 70 Macaulay. Of $40 od0. for his
incomplete History Of England" Dick
ems left more money than Meredith and
.Thackeray far less. Trouope earned
more. but left less
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Where do liars go?" asks a California
minister. Not 10 Africa-at present. at
least
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Oh. yes; and DR. Eliot left the cook
book of his list Of good reading
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
senatorInI TaILerr Ontdnne-

From the Omaha Bee.
The New York City telephone directory contain,
no.0O names Here is a talking machine that beats
the United States Senate.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
a Cry from Connecticut.

the Senate debate on the tariff bill
A Cry from Connecticut.
From the New Haven Register
This is the time for the men We have Ser. =,
Washington to demonstrate that they are bein.
faithful TO the trust imposed Where are tbev-
Buikeley. BraDdeges nlson. Henry. spery. Higgins.
and Hi?
To River and HarbOr PursehOIders.
From the Norfolk virEinian-Pilot
Norfolk ought 70 have and must have thirty.aTe-
foot channel from the head OF the inner hzrbor 10
the sea.
Rhythmic Appeal TO Mr.. Bailey.
The Senate FATHERS. wise and gay.
DO things in such stately way;
How can their dignity Withstand
These abs from Bailey's hassy handl
Cleveland Plain Dsale-.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
PEOPLE AND THINGS
City and Country Morals.

1
Sociologists are beginning to doubt the
once Wanted moral superiority OF life
in the country village over that In the
city. II is the lack OF rational amuse-
ment that leads 70 social degeneracy In
small villages. The natural desire for
diversion Is thwarted. There is no out
look beyond the limited local life This
causes in part the drift to the cities Of
the younger and more enterprising village
youth. leaving behind the less nt and de-
cadent. Hence the deterioration og some
villages. observed especially in New Eng
land. while towns and cities thrive and
grow In the cities. temptations 70 the
unframed or unwary are usually. even
though not always. largely segregated
Opportunities for evil must be sought.
consciously and Willfully Again. the
city household need have no social con-
facts except those Of It's own choosing.
There are good schools for the children
and almost numberless places for inno-
cent amusement and recreation. The stir
1 OF surrounding life stimulates the facul-
ties. This is true Of large cities as well
as small. 1t is a fact that makes a bond
between the farm and the town.
Feminine Use OF Firearms.
II may be doubted whether Mrs. Char
ity TrOw. who caught a burglar in her
house and held him prisoner until the
police came, utters an opinion altogether
safe and sound, when she says that
every woman IN Chicago ought 70 learn
how to handle a revolver for self-protee-
ton In The frst place. that IS a refec-
ton upon the efficiency OF the Chicago
police But even granting their tardI-
ness in appearing when and where their
protection and activity are needed. the
certainty remains that the process Of
training al the housewives OF Chicago
IN the use Of firearms would be both inn
practicable and of tragic result. The
giver Of this advice enjoys the advan-
tage. quite exceptional in her sex. OF
having been taught how 70 use firearms
when she was a girl Perhaps. TOO. she
Is endowed with unusual physical cour-
age But one shrinks from the posslbu-
ity that The faT-famed Chicago schools
OF domestic science may add 10 their cur
riculum practical Instruction IN target
practice and the ungentle art OF sub
DUNG burglars. Il may be doubted. also
whether many Chicago husbands VIII
view with calm the suggestion of the
handy revolver as bit OF household fur
nlture or a promoter OF domestic har-
mOny.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
WORDS WITH STATESMEN.
A Fruitful Topic.

From tho New YORK sun.
A man Of ordinary intellectuals could understand
nothing q the discussion IN the Senate on the duv
pineapples.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Feminine Dress and savaEery.

The good ladies OF Kansas City are not
afraid 20 speak their minds. They have
been stirred nightly by an assertion ad-
vanced by Prof starr. OF Chicago T-nI-
versity. that women are savages because
they love adorument and color fust a.
does the red Indian. whereupon Mrs.
Logan. OF the Study Club. comments
tartly that al the pIumes and decorations
Of women would pale by the side Of a
dress parade Of a mans fraternal order.
'and look at the upholstery OF Officers
IN the army ald navy" She claims too
that women first wore pants" citing the
militant ladies' OF ancient Gaul. who went
into battle trousered Ike their husbands.
and she asserts that men originally
fought in blankets and stole from vorn-
en- the pattern Of trousers Miss Good
man, OF the AJheuEeUn. declares boldly
that man Is as savage as woman. and re-
Dukes the small boy for trying 10 lygl
birds Perhaps that may not be clear.
but so she is quoted Mrs. Ess. OF the
same organization, comedies. with charm
ing candOr. that women are not pe--
feet, but retorts that Prof starr fs a
bachelor, which seems 20 confure 77v-
thing he says about subjects feminine
Miss Mary Andrews. former pastor OF the
UniverSaliSt Church. puts the entire re-
sponslbility upon masculine shoulders.
with the conclusive declaration. IT. wom-
an is savage, il IS the result OF mans
dominance"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Tariff TediousnesS Foreseer

From the Salt lake Tribune
The Tribune was able to fcresee the tediousness q
the Senate debate on the tariff bin.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Some Lawyers in Our SIidrt

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
Mr. Taft has been a judge, and Nir Knox. Nfr
Wickersham. and ar. Root are all good lawyers
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
PeriiOuS Amateur Amusement.

Is Il traditional thriftiness. or the sp.rit
or speculation or pure altruism that ami
mates the admirably energetic Aero Club
Of New Engiand2 That organization. has
equipped stations for balloon ascensions
at Rutland, Vt. Nashua. y. Il. North
Adams. Pittsfeld. Springfield FitchburR.
and Lowell Mass. In each case marx
areas and gas Tor imitation are available
and crowds OF animated observers 10
watch the departures for higher regions
are assured The aero clubs Ia half a
dozen cities have balloons for hire Thus
every facility seems 20 be provided for
the convenience OF those who wish 10
enjoy what was once a rare and novel
experience. There is no hint OF provision
for the safety Of amateur aeronauts IN
the announcement Of these ARRANGEMENTS.
Are there 10 be no aerial chaunaurs. so
10 speak, who VIII have no victims 10
run over. so that they can devote all
their energies 20 saving their own lives
and the lives Of their passengers? II
balloons are 70 be rented to ali comers
this merry sport. It needs no Cassand=a
20 prophesy. may be checked by a few
preventable tragedies.
Speaking About the weather.
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29

Dr. Louis Ottofy. Of Manila. who was
seen al the Raleigh. speaking OF teeth.
said the Is0rrotes had better teeth than
dental science had imagined could be
found anywhere.
The reason for this IS apparently that
the Igoarrotes are the most primitive.
barbarian. uncivilized. and non-Chris-
than individuals now included IN the jurls-
diction OF the United States" continued
Dr. OIOfy. Unlike many existing ex-
anples Of primitive man. they are print
tive without having become degenerate
They live IN the most inaccessible region
Of Northern LuzOn. where they long ago
acquired fame as warriors and head hunt
ers, defed Spain. and managed 10 keep
pretty much 70 themselves until the
American occupation.
Since then they have been studied
ethnOlogtcaly and otherwise But they
are stin as uncivilizsd as ever. and there
Is neither a white man nor Filipino living
IN BCntoc. Contrary 10 the report OF
careless historians. the IgOrrote leaves
his teeth as nature provides them Il is
the Negrit0 who goes IN Tor the social
grace OF artihcially pointed teeth"
The Washington herald., 1909-06-29
Speaking About the Weather.

Frun the Baltimore News.
Il is easier for a camel 10 pass through
the eye OF needle than It is for a poor
man 10 keep cool IN this weather.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1909-09-11
CHAPTER XIII.
EIiQht.

In the alcove the girl waited, torn
in the throes Of incipient hysteria; at
first too weak from reaction and re-
vulsion of feeling to do anything other
than lean heavily against the wall and
fight with all her strength and will
against this crawling, shuddering,
creeping horror of nerves, that threat
ened alike her self-control, her con-
seriousness, and her reason.
But insensibly the tremor wore it.
self away, leaving her weary and worn
but mistress of her thoughts and ac-
tons And she dropped with gratitude
into a chair, bending an ear attentive
to the war of words being waged in
the room beyond the portieres.
At first, however, she failed to grasp
the import of the alteration. And
when in time she understood it's trend
it was with incredulity, resentment
and a dawning dread lest a worse
thing might yet befall her, worse by
far than aught that had gone before
But to be deprived of his protection
to feel herself forcibly restrained from
the shelter of his generous care!
A moment gone she had been sc
sure that all would now be well with
her, once Maitland succeeded in rid
ding himself of the police. He would
shut the door and-and then she would
come forth and tell him, tell him
everything, and, Withholding naughi
that damned her in her own esteem
throw herself upon his mercy. bruised
with penitence but serene in the as
surance that he would prove kind
She had such faith in his tender
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1909-09-11
rHe eoees-rgaeILLc CO.

all for my very own if His
brow clouded blackly.
''Sleuthl" Hickey ground the cpl
thet vindictively between his teeth.
And spat. "Sleuth. All hell"
Recalled to himself by the very
vehemence of his emotion; he turned
hastily, drained to its dregs the tall
glass of lukewarm and vapid beer
which had stood at his elbow, placed a
nickel on the table, and, rising, wad-
died hastily out into the night.
1t was being borne in upon him with
much force that if he wished to save
his name and fame somethin' had got
to be done about it.
Il hadn't oughtuh left him so long.
guess he told himself; but
I'll get him all right"
And turning, numbered gloomily east
ward, rapt with vain imaginings
squat, swollen figure blending into the
deep, meaner shadows of the Tender
1oin; and SO on toward Maitlands
rooms-morose, misunderstood, malig
nant, coddling his fictitious wrongs;
somehow pathetically typical of the
force he represented.
On the corner of Fifth avenue he
paused. startled fairly out of his dour
mood by the loud echo of a name al
ready become too hatefully familiar
to his ears, and by the sight of what
at first glance, he took to be the be
ginning of street brawl.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1909-09-11

The invitations were on green card
board, lettered in yellow. They were
so pretty that it was some time before
the recipient realized they were sup
posed to represent jealousy.
Each guest took dainty tea cup and
saucer, the hostess providing the pot
All were asked to bring their thimbles.
The work provided by the hostess was
variety of tea towels. Then the
hostess requested the bride-elect to
make a cup of tea as a farewell to the
other spinsters. The maid brought in
a tray with the cups and saucers, each
cup bearing black cat shaped card
on which the donors name, and a sem
timent were inscribed in white ink.
forgot to say, these cat cards were in
closed with the invitations. and the
cups were all sent to the hostess the
day before the shower. Every one
said it was most unique way of Civ
ing shower.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1909-09-11
~ ~
iN!TpPljE!

Morning robes and teagowns are
appearing without sleeves, except as
they are made of contrasting material.
Girdles will emphasize many gowns.
The underarm seams are high and
give smartness to the close-fitting
sleeve.
Foulards are made in such attrac-
tive designs this season that they can
be used effectively in detached pieces.
Net is not used so much now as
sheer batiste, finest tucked -organdie
and thin lawn, combined with the
Cluny or Irish lace.
A few years ago the little girl was
dressed with numerous ruff1es and SO
full were the skirts that child
dressed with all of the numerous
ruff1es looked for all the world like q
fancy ruff1ed pen wiper. The dresses
to-day are much straighter and the
ruffles are not SO full.