Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1909-10-26
The Exclamation.


Charlie. DEAR" queried the fair maid
at the ball park, why does that man
behind the hitter wear such big bib?'
That" explained Charlie, lis to keep
his shirt from from getting mussed
when theballs knocks his teeth OUT
Chicago News.
Never Bought That Kind.
Mrs. Jenkins (returning home after
being away for two weeks)-Tom, how
did all those empty bottles get into the
cellar?
Jenkins-I don't know. 1 never
bought an empty bottle in my life
Phila. Bulletin.
Taking the Census.
How many idiots are there IN this
town." asked the stranger within the
gates.
Cant tell exactly till after the next
election" answered the native.
What has the next election got to
do with it?" queried the stranger.
I'VE take the number who pay freak
bets and multiply it by two" ex-
planned the native.
Suspicious.
Very peculiar coincidence" said
the tall poet, as he opened the big
envelope.
What is that?" asked the brother
bard.
why, some weeks ago I sent the
editor of the Whoopem Magazine a
poem entitled The Old Mint Julep.'"
Did he accept it,"
Yes, but when 1 sent him another
poem the other day he returned it with
the following message: We accepted
your first poem, but now we are full.
Cruel of Her.
"And if l should muster enough
courage to ask you to be my wife
would you say 'no'?" anxiously in
quired the sutton
beautiful girl.
"Ah, at last. And why wouldn't you
say no. my dear?"
Because it is too much trouble to
waste words. I'd just shake my head"
Preliminary Practice.
Farmer-"Ever milk cow"
Summer Boarder-"No, sir, but I'd
like to try"
Farmer-"Think you can make 'er
give down."
Summer Boarder-'I guess so. I've
served two years as a personal prop
erty aSSesSor."-New York Tribune.
PIayinq Too Safe.
A prisoner at the sessions had been
duly convicted of theft. when it was
seen. on proving previous convictions"
that he had actually been in prison at
the time the theft was committed.
Why didn't you say so? asked the
judge of the prisoner angrily.
your lordship, l was afraid of
the jury against me-
Home Herald.
What He'd Say.
What. SIR" asked the large man
with the bullying biceps and the pom
derous fists, as he glared at the slim
gentleman who had accidentally
stumbled over his toes. would you say
if I were to tell you that you were an
awkward ass and an annoying chump?"
'I would at once say" replied the
other man, who had enjoyed the adj
of a course in the diplomatic
service. that you had the courage of
your convictions. Chicago Record
Herald.
Libel.
Il see that royal blood has been dis
IN, AZ 60,
Don't believe it. Some gossip is al
ways making a slam at our old famil-
les. '-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Mixed.
Little Johnny attended church and
heard spirited political sermon. AT
dinner the same day after one of his
unusual quiet spells he exclaimed:
Pa, what are we any way, Repub-
licans or Presbyterians? "-Life.
OF Course.
II want to shake hands with the en-
gineer of this train"
What are you candidate for?"
"Nuthin'. l think somebody ought to
remember the engineer, even if it is an
off year.'-LOuisville Courier Journal
Ever Notice?
"Why are the children of the rich SO
often intractable?'
Where you see a home without a
wcodsncd, there you are apt to find a
spoiled kid. "-Kansas City Journal.
Feels That Way Sometimes.
Colonel. what would you do if you
had your life to live over again?"
well. my boy, I'm proud of my wal
record. of course, but sometimes, when
l set twinge in that missing foot OF
mine, 1 feel that if 1 had it all to dc
over again I'd serve my country bv
getting an army contract" Chicago
Tribune.
Gratifying.
"One-half Of the world does not
know how the other half lives"
We'll, it is gratifying to think that
one-half of the world attends to its