The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-06-20
Mr.. Dooley on Castro's Troubles
dunno y 4
Copyright. 1908, by X. \. Mcclure & Co..

! fr his sausages an be this an be that
if ye don't give me two dollars this
blessed minyit an a sootable apology
on ye'er Bonded knees. there'n be a
man-iv-war in tn harbor tomorrah
shootin' things into ye'er front parlor,
says tn ambassdure.
We'll, sir. whin Casthro whit into Of
fee tn impydint fellow wudden't collect
money FIR anybody but himsilf. What
dye think iv that? Says he: Amy
money that is hurtin' me constituents
is mine, he says. Well, sir, there was
the divvIe TO pay. He wasn't satisfied
at refusin' to give up. He hung up a
sign in tn palace: Book agents an
ambassadors barred Whin tn Ger
man ambassadure called about tn sau-
sages he chased him half way to tn
dock TIL Fr-rinch ambassadure got
gay about a claim iv a citizen iv la
belle France an Casthro, tn little vii
lyan, put him on a ship an thin quar-
antined him. He threw tn Dutch am
bassadUre out iv a second story window
an he give tn English ambassadure
three hours to lave town. Befure he'd
been prisidint a year all tn great
powers iv tn wurruld were riprisinted
in Vinzwala be an Office boy iv tn Chi
nese embassy. An there set little Cas-
thro smokin' a seegar, dhrinkin' his
rum out iv a coal scuttle an havin tn
time iv his life.
We'll, sir, tn powers iv Europe were
mad clane through. They stint their ma
vies to lombard Caracas an discovered
that it was an inland town. Wen in
wade an desthroy ye,' says they. Come
on, says Casthro, but be careful not
TO lose ye'er way, says he. Wen sink
ye'er navy says they. IF yet get to it
befure it sinks itsilf,' says he. IT'S a
tur-rble thing f'r a great power to be
threated this way be country that's
out in tn back yard somewheres. An
fin'1ly what dye think he did. He de-
fed this GRAND nation iv ours. this
here land iv freedom that has admins
thered tn Monroe doctOrin' to tn be-
nighted lands iv South America with a
shovel. He chased some Nv our most
thrifty diplomats an citizens out, an
he betrayed our thrust or wan Nv thin
that was in tn asphalt business.
"Ye didn't know it, Hinnissy, but It's
firm tn pleasant wathers iv tn lakes in
Vinzwala that our sthreets an our al
dhermen are made so splendid an so
slippery. IT'S so. Tn pillows ye see
outside ye'er dure an that tn light
primace iv tn milkman bumps across,
a few weeks ago were ripplin' tn sur
face Nv tn wather supply in Vinzwala.
An twas tn trust that pipes these
bullyvards up to US that Casthro defed.
Well, Theydore Rosenfelt, as was his
custom, his Indignation knew no
bounds. Says I to mesilf; Goodbye
Casthro; we've had a good run fr yeer
money, but it's all day with ye now
An what happened? Divvle a thing.
There was an explosion that shook tn
lid off tn sky. TIL nation waited with
bated breath, as Hogan says, while our
GRAND navy rushed to Vinzwala. An
10 an behold, whin twas ali over, there
set Casthro tn same as liver. Nawthin'
liver touched him.
AN there ne might've been to this
day, mind We, but FIR his mistake an our
splendid diplomacy. Something wint
wrong with tn inteeryor iv tn fine lit
tie la-ad an he med up his mind to go
Germany TO have it mended. That's tn
usual way. Thrust ye'er own docthor,
but if we want to know tn worst go to
Germany. So Casthro called in tn la-ad
that he'd made vice prisidint, a pathrite
be tn name Nv Comes. Comes washed
his hands, put on his coat an come in.
Emmanuel, says tn little man, I'm
goin' to Germany to have some nicissry
repairs made in me- he says. Yes, ye'er
exceIlency,' says Comes. While I'm
away, We viii r-run our fatherland,'
says Casthro. Put amy money We
find in tn large dhrawer marked Per
sonal, c. c." see that tn jails iv our
fair country are kept occupied an
have no dalin's with ambassadures Nv
tn frindly powers, says he. TIL on'y
frindly power to vinzwala is mesilf,' he
says. I now hand over tn reins iv Of
flee to ye. Act accordin' to yeer own
judgment, an if ye don't act right I'll
be back in two months time an skin
We alive he says. 'ExceIIency,' says tn
faithful Comes, I owe ivrything to We,
life, position, honor. This new proof iv
ye'er affection is overwhelmin', but 1
will show mesilf worthy iv it. I will
sarve we till DEATH he says. An Cas-
thro give him his hand to kiss an got
aboord tn boat an steamed away to
Germany.
well, sir, he hadn't been out fv tn
harbor an hour befure a dhreadful rivo-
luton broke out in Vinzwala again him.
Like tn gallant uprisin' Nv tn people
in our great sister republic iv Fanny
ma. tn news was first rayceived in
Wash'nton. It's wonderful how tn
news thravels in these days iv wireless
tillygrafts, but tn first Comes knew iv
tn determined uprisin' to end tn rule
iv Casthro was a message firm Wash