Weekly Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-01
VOLUME XIX
Uplifting the Farmer


talk about the work of the "commis
sion 10 make tn wives iv tn farmers
happy, though mari'd," "spp inted
by me fli'na, Tiddy Rosenfelt." He
says, in part:
9TH preliminary report IL nearly
ready 'Th' commission met at waust
an repaired post haste on rhroliey car
to ia rural districts. We left
th throlley car at what appeared to
be farm an" winded our way to'rds
comfortabIe-loU abode situated
as near to tn highway az it cud be
without bein' run over be autymobils.
Entherin'. we fund a lady who WAS
readin' a beck, weepin' an attn
chocolate acIare at wan an tre same
time. MADAME, = says l, why 90
ye weea?" 81 weep" SAYS she,
''f'r tn sorrows " Bertha, tn poor
sewn machine girl" We made a
note at wanst f'r tn Prisldint that
gr reat Ehtride to'rds tn happiness iv
tn farmers. wives could be gained be
securin h happiness siv Bertha, tn
poor SEWN machine girl. 'But,
says |, "what else have We to dis
thress ye? Surely this is not all
Bertha cannot last f'riyer. Soun she
will marry tn rich mill owners son,
an thin what Will ye have to fall
pack on fr a sob? Is not ye'er home
life mis- 'rable? Don't ye have rows
with III old man? Explain why ye
are an object iv commiseratiOn to tn
wurrouId, 50 much SO that ivry time
tn Prisidint thinks iv ye'er &bject
conditin he bursts Into tears IL pity, =
says /.
/" at THIS tn lady rose an de-
manded to know what we meant by
inthrudin' on tn privacy iv her home
an insusltin' a lone woman. She
stated that she wud have US TO know
that she was no more unhappy thin
amy other lady, an that tn COM
mission wud ne much betther employed
if they wint home an inquired into
tn causes iv tn Onhappiuess iv their
9TH commissions own wlVes).
TIL unhappy woman further alleged
that it was a good thing fer tn COM
mission that her husband had not come
home fr IN tn meetin' iV tn bOord iv
directors iv tn bank, but she wud
show tn commission that an America
lady cud PROTECT herself. AS we din
not wish further to disturb her, and
as she was edgin' over t'ards an Oryx
clock on th' mantel- piece tn cOmmIs-
sion thought it best to retire, which
il did. | regret to have to report
that Professor Higgins, tn indefaty-
gable sicretsry iv tn commission,
severely injured his knee-pan gettin'
over tn fence.
"Well, sir, expict great things
firm tn commission, Hinnissy. I'm
sure Tddy hosenfelr is not goin' to
stop whin he has discovered tn causes
iv ouhapp ness on tn farm an re-
moved thin be an act iv Congress.
Onhappiness is very gin raj com
plainJ. 1t is wan iv tn gr-reatest
curses ~ tn human race. 1t attacks
us befure our first tooth comes an
stays with US afther our last has gone.
1t is sthrsnge that iv all tb' men who
have governed countries, firm Solo
mon down, Tiddy Rosenfelt is tn first
to undertake a scientific INVESTIGATION
iv tn subject. Afther ne has got tn
trainers wives to singin' sure he will
app'int other commissions.
"Fin'lly Fail tn commissions will
meet in gin raj session an report IN
favor iv sbolishin' poverty, hunger,
thirst, mosquitoes, shtreet noises,
jealousy, ambition. fear iv impendin'
death, human nature an the sutyma-
tic piano. an ricommind, in addition,
that ivry wan shud be allowed to in
dict enough onhappiness on ivrybody
else to make himself perfectly happy.
They mustn't f'rget that last suorce iv
happiness. Sometimes | think tbs
tn most reli'ble wan. Not mind ye,
that like to have psople suffer. |
am not able to take much pleasure
out iv seein' man fa!l fr' m tn roof
" building or get run over be a
lccomc tive. But I've got to tell We
that fee! mgTe comfortable seJtin'
be tn fire on a cold winter day f'r
elm teamster go by fioggin' his
chest with his hands: an in summer
in cool shade where sit is much
improved be tn judicious addition of
a few Eyetalians digggin' sewer in
tn sun.
"Well. sir. It's a tur-rble prob
lem, his here wan iv human onhapui-
nes. Some say selfshness viii! make
ye happy. I've tried it. 1t didn' t
cure me. Other people say onselfsh-
ness; but that's no more than to say
that " ,an on'y be happy be givin'
up somethin' that w'u'd make ye
happy. The nearest ye get TO happi-
ness is in wantin' somethin' badly
an thinkin We have a chance to get
it an not gettin' 1t. If ye get 1t yell
be Unhappy. Whin We have lvrythin
in tn wurruld that ye want, tn fam
liz, will do we'll to watch We Whin We
pick up a razor.
~ y