davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Worlds CIeanest Soldiers.

The Japanese soldier considers It
disgrace to be dirty. Soldiers Of other
nationalities are not always overpar-
tcular, but, as Mr.. Kipling has sung:
Oh, east is east, and west is west, and
never the twain shall meet.
However, the Japanese military man
is not provided by grateful and be-
nefcent government with a portable
bath, so when on active service he has
to set his wits to work in order to oh.
tain the necessary adjuncts to his alb
lutions.
The Chinese, for reasons of their
own, manufacture long and large Jars,
whose diameter is that of western
main drain. It occurred to bright
Japanese that one might just as well
have bath standing up as lying
down. -~e1..
Accordingly he and his comrades in
tered a jar, built a furnace beneath
1t and filled it with water. Soon a
boiling hot bath dubbed before them.
Imitators sprang into being and sub
sequently into similar baths:- Bystand-
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Had Been Anticipated.

A London composer was one summer
engaged on the score Of an opera, and
as the weather was very hot he
worked with the windows Of his study
open. This fact was taken advantage
Of by his nefghbor, lady, an accom-
plished musician, with very quick
and retentive ear, to play upon him o
harmless practical joke.
One morning he completed and tried
over new march, and the lady on the
same afternoon seated herself at her
grand piano, opened her windows and
rolled forth the air fortissimo. The
composer rushed distractedly into his
garden to his wife and, tearing his
hair in anguish, cried out:
my dear, I give it up! I thought
had composed an original tune, but it
must be a delusion, for my grand
march-my chef doeuvre, as thought
it's only Renaissance and is al
ready the property Of some music pub,
liSherY' -:.-~
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Mozart's Skull.

If we were all constituted like Ham
let and could handle skull as philo-
sophically as he,'' writes a sentiment
talist in Hamburg paper, 1--WE could
visit the Mozart museum at Salzburg,
enjoy the sights it offers and leave
there without finding any fault. On
fortunately, however, we are not so
cold, and therefore the protest which I
make. Among the Mozart souvenirs
which are pointed out to the visitor, in
the same line with the gid piano, let
tiers, manuscript music, portraits, ETC.,
Is the skull Of the great master. It
matters little whether the skull is
really that of the composer or one used
for show purposes. The fact remains
that in the Mozart town, in Salzburq.
there seems to be no one who can
make the city fathers believe that the
exhibition demonstrates lack Of rev
erence which shocks many people"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Hard on the MESSENGER,

Tommy had been spanked by Miss
Manners, his first grade teacher, but
his next teacher had not reached the
point where she felt she could do JUS
tice to him in spite Of all his naughti-
ness. 4.
'Send him to me when you want
him spanked said Miss Manners one
morning after her colleague had re-
lated his many misdemeanors.
About II o'clock Tommy appeared
at Miss Manners door. She dropped
her book, grasped him firmly by the
hand, led him to the dressing room,
turned him over her knee and admins
tered punishment.
When she had finished she said,
''Now, Tommy, what have you to sayY'
"Please, miss, my teacher wants the
scissors was the unexpected reply
Success Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Tho Dogskin Wouldn't Go Round,

Hungary swarms with barristers. It
Is the greatest ambition of the Hunga-
rian peasant to make one of his sons
an advocate.
The son of a small farmer In the
ne1ghborhood Of Budapest was sent by
his father to the law school of that
town, but either from lack of parts
or the necessary application he was
plucked In the qualifying examina-
ton.
Not daring to return to the paternaI
abode empty handed after all the mon
ey that had been spent on his educa-
ton, he conceived and executed the
plan Of forging legal diploma The
father was not, however, so ignorant
as not to be aware that such diplomas
are always written on parchment
kutya-ber (dogskin)-in Hungary.
why is your certificate not made out
on kutya-ber?" asked the old man.
"The fact is, father" coolly replied
the youth, "there are more barristers
than dogs in Hungary, and so there is
not enough kutya-ber to make diplo-
mas for us all."-London Answers. e.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
A MoquI Hero.

Here Is a little vignette of Babar,
the first of the great moguls. At elev-
en- he succeeded to his kingdom of
Ferghana. His father was accidental
~ killed, and IT," says the boy, 'im-
mediately mounted in great haste and,
taking such followers as were at hand,
set out to secure my throne" He sue
ceeded in holding it, nearly lost it by
trusting traitor who was "the best
player at leapfrog he had ever seen"
and actually lost it by grasping at the
possession Of Samarkand. Then came
two years Of wandering. Then he got
Ferghana again and lost it a second
time by trying to make lis Mongol
soldiers restore their loot to the peas
antry. And all this before he was
seventeen! Thirty-two years later he
died, the last scene being the most
striking Of all. His darling son
Humayun was desperately Ill. Only
some great sacrifice could save him,
said the doctor. He entered the cham
Der, walked round the bed three times,
saying, ION me be thy suffering" and
a few days afterward died.-London
Spectator.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Walt Whitman's Pride.

Whitman's grandmother was
Quaker, and the bard had been all his
life used, Quaker fashion, to sitting in
the house with his sombrero on If it
suited him to do so. One day, with a
friend, he entered the gloomy and half
empty precincts Of Trinity church,
New York, and took back seat in the
obscurity and for a moment forgot to
remove his hat or was probably just
about to do so when an of1icious verger
stepped up and requested him to take
1t off. Walt, a man Of immense pride,
not seeing At to do so instantaneously
or being very slow In his mental proc
esses, was taking the matter into con-
sideration for a second when the
verger knocked the offending hat off
his head. Walt picked up the huge
felt and, doubling It together, smote
the fellow vigorously twice or thrice
with it on the head and slowly left
the church, the red faced sexton fol
lowing and threatening him with the
law.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
St, AUGUSTINE and His Flower.

st. Augustine of Hippo, the great
doctor of the church, whose festival
falls on Aug. %, is a sadly neglected
saint among modern ritualists and even
occasionally confused with his name
sake, who insulted the British bishops.
Yet he is pronounced by Hooker with
out any equaP' and regarded by Har-
mack as "the first modern man." He
has been better honored in the floral
world, for to him is dedicated the
goldenrod, or woundwort (Solidago vir-
ga-aurea). Old Gerard, with whom
this was a favorite remedy, tells us
that goldenrod fetched high price as
a foreign herb until discovered grow
ing near London, when the plant was
neglected. He adds the caustic COM
ment, "This verifeth our English prov.
erb, Far fetcht and dear boughte Is
best for ladies' or for fantastical ply
sitions." Before tobacco the golden
rod also furnished snuff for our medi-
aeval forefathers. - Westminster Ga
Zette.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Cams Dry Humor.

When the gallant Welsh captain
David Gam was sent forward by
Henry V. to reconnoiter the French
army before the battle of Agincourt
he found that the enemy outnumbered
the English by about five to one. His
report to the king is historic: "
"There are enough to be killed,
enough to be taken prisoners and
enough to run away"
This quaint forecast Of the result Of
the battle at once spread through the
camp, and doubtless every yeoman
archer Of the valiant company felt an
Inch taller. We know that it was al
most literally justified by the event.
Poor Cams dry humor was equaled
by his courage. He was killed while
In the act of saving the life of his
prtnce.-London Standard. -"..
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
PeriIs Of Our Dwelling Houses.


The scholars In one of the Fuchow
Chinese schools were recently desired
to write an essay In English on the
subject Of (Which Are the Healthier.
Chinese or Foreign Dwelling HousesY'
One young man "spook" about the
matter with his friends and they
said that the Chimes building is
much better than foreigners This,
he adds, was the senses Of their de-
BATE"
'The foreign building is too heigh
and coverless and always built on the
top Of the hill. In the summer time 1t
receives the most heat from the sun.
The people who living in 1t is the same
as putting in the stove, but in winter
B it is fully filed by the sharp air
which cut the faces Of whom living in
It. So that the foreigner is compelled
to put themselves on fire. The fire
would do our bodies harm. AS we
were prepared our dinner; we put the
beef on the fire by and by the beef
dry in that case the Of course man
would dry too."-London Telegraph.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
He Explained.

At q school one day a teacher, hav-
ing asked most Of his pupils the: DIFF
ference between an island and a PENN
sula without receiving satisfactory
answer, came to the last boy.
Il can explain it, sir, said the bright
youth. First get two glasses. Fill
one with. water and the other with
milk. Then catch a fly and place 1t
in the glass Of water. That fly is an
island, because it is entirely surround
ed by water. But now place the fly in
the glass Of milk, and It will be a.
peninsula, because It is nearly sur,
rounded by water Is .sz$
The boy went to the top Of the class.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Ahoat on Hot Air.

Members of the house Of representa-
tives are fond of poking fun at: the
ford style of speech affected by GER
tain congressman, who Invariably con-
tributes much "hot air" to any debate
In which be may participate.
4 On one occasion the politician in
question ventured to air his views
touching financial act under consid-
Grafton, when he drew the following
ribald observation from an opponent: !.
Our able and adventurous friend
has undertaken to present his views
upon this question. In this he re-
minds me Of beautiful swan breast
ing the sea with arched neck and
wings outspread to catch the CLINT Of
the sea, moving along in serene and
stately splendor, but blissfully uncon-
scious Of the unfathomable depths be-
low"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
BABIES SUBJECT TO
COUGHS and COLDS
KICK OFF THE COVER AND
TAKE COLD.
How One Baby Was Cured Of a
& Dreadful Cold by Chamber
lain's Cough Remedy.

All the world loves baby and everyone
is more or less interested in their health and
happiness. There probably never was a
baby that did not kick off the covers and
take cold; in fact, babies are particularly
susceptible to colds and Group, and the favor
lite remedy for these ailments is Chamber
lain's Cough Remedy. It always gives quick
relief and is pleasant and safe to take, in
fact, it contains nothing injurious. Mothers
have become acquainted with this fact and
do not hesitate to give it to their babies
when such preparation is required. Mrs.
John D. Harmon, of Melfa Station, Va,
says: "About two weeks ago our baby had
dreadful cold, and at one time I feared it
would have pneumonia, but one of our
neighbors told how Chamberlain's Cough
kennedy had cured her little boy, and be-
gan giving it to our baby at once and it soon
cured her. had tried other remedies and
they all failed to do her any good. Our
baby is now we'll and we heartily thank
Chamberlain Cough Remedy, for it cured
her. cannot recommend it too highly or
say too much in its favor. I hope all who
read this will try it and be convinced as
was"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
What the Duke Meant,

His grace the Duke of Argyll was
addressing select company in a Lon
don drawing room on the present state
Of things in South Africa. 81 look for
ward to the time" he said, when the
Englishman will marry the Boer girl
and have an English wife as wellv'
Respectable dowagers looked their
surprise, and the men began to smile.
Then the duke carefully explained
that he meant, Of course, that the Boer
girl should become an Englishwoman
to all intents and purposes.-Reynold
Newspaper.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Noe Ihat color.

Willie lost his pet dog and was much
distressed. He spent his time search
ing for It, and SO often did he run
into the house crying, "Come, quick;
there's Fido; I saw himp the family
grew somewhat dubious.
One day Willie rushed in more ex-
cited than usual. Mamma, man.
mar he cried. I've seen Eidoi rye
seen Fidov'
'tOh, no; I guess not, . replied the
patient mother. ut must have been
your Imagination"
Willie looked at her much aggrieved.
WELL" he said indignantly, II guess
my Imagination isn't white behind. -
Delineator.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
They Sat Down.

One night at a theater some scenery
took fire, and very perceptible odor
Of burning alarmed the spectators. A
panic seemed to be imminent when an
actor appeared on the stage.
ladies and gentlemen" he said,
compose yourselves. There is no
danger" :,
The audience did not seem reas-
sured.
Ladies' and gentlemen" continued
the comedian, rising to the necessity
Of the observation-disclosures it aldo
you think If there was any danger I'd
be here?'
The panic collapsed. .5es-s
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Too suggestive.

Wimbledon Hello, Simpeltonl How
did you enjoy your VISIT to the insane
asylum the other day? Simpelton-
oh, 5000. It was all right enough, I
guess. Wimbleton-Well, you don't
talk as though you were impressed
with it. Did You give the superin-
tendent my note Of introducuon7
Simpe lton-Y Yes, gave it to him. VIM
bleton-Well, what did he say7 Sim
pelton-Oh, he just looked at me and
said, Make yourself at home. lip
pincott's.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Small Chance.

TITS three years since was in
this city, said the stranger as he I'm
ished his dinner. "City looks the
same #
Il don't find much change" remark
ed the waiter as he took up the dime
that that. was left from the dollar bill
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Smart Set Enalish.

The speech Of the smart man and
woman sufficiently betrays the mod
ern attitude. To speak good English
is middle class. The modern vocabu-
larry is very small, and the greater
part Of it is composed Of slang.-Black
and White.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
No man can be wise on an empty
stomach George Eliot.
"a Eanoua Year.

It is contended that the year 1909
gave more celebrities and persons Of
genius to the world than any other
year Of the nineteenth century. Among
those who were born In that. memora-
BILE year were Abraham Lincoln, Edgar.
Allan Poe, Oliver Wendell Holmes,
William EWart Gladstone, Charles OAR
win, Lord Houghton, Alfred Tennyson,
Edward Fitzgerald, Professor Blackie,
Mary Cowden Clarke and Felix Men
delssohn.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
OMcehoIders

"Well, there's one thing to be said
for public servants"
whats that?"
when you hire one you never have
any trouble keeping him" Cleveland
Leader.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Distilled Mater

: Distilled water after having been
exposed to the air is one of the most
salubrious Of drinks. Its daily use in
measured quantities is helpful in
cases OF dyspepsia and greatly assists
the general functions of the body. Ev-
cry large steamer carries water dis
filling apparatus by which sea water
Is made fresh. In the days before
steamers primitive distilling apparatus
was used on warships and vessels car
Tying passengers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Enaland,s Mother Church..

The Oldest frequented church In
England is probably st. Martins, at
Canterbury, and you may call it the
mother church of England. Walk up
from the outskirts Of the city and you
will pass the font which gave baptism
to King Ethelbert 1900 years ago. The.
font still stands, the worshipers still
mount the slope, and one considers
whether it was Augustine or Bertha
who dragged the king and husband to-
that font.-London Chronicle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
A Source of Joy,

"What seems to be the matter with
Mrs. Brown that she's ailing sop,
why, poor thing, she's got one of
those newfangled diseases"
"She has? My, how fortunate she,
is, to be sure. Here I've had nothing
more stylish than lumbago, and I'm.
three years older than she 1s."-Detroit
Free Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Not Led.

I $50 she was led to the altar at last?'
remarked the girl in blue.
. t'Led!'' repeated the BRIDES dearest
friend. Led! / fancy you didn't see
her. She didn't have to be led. When
she started down the aisle you couldn't
have driven her off with regiment Of
cavalry London Telegraph.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
A Gallant Clergyman.

1t is said that the Rev. Sydney
Smith could be gallant as well as witty
on occasion.
"Oh, Mr.. Smith, I cannot bring this
flower to perfection" said a young
lady to him once as she showed him
about her conservatory.
Whereupon he took her by the hand
and said, "Then let me bring perfec-,
ton to the flower"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Too Much of lt

Greene How does It happen that you
don't trade at Cleaver's any more? You
used to brag about the nice cuts Of
meat he always sent you. Is 1t because
he wouldn't give you credit? Gray-On
the contrary, it is because he did. Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Wedding Present Problem.

wedding Present Problem.
What people ought to do when they
send out invitations to a wedding is
to add after the r. s. Y. p. the letters
2. 8. L., which stand for please send
list" The would be donor would then
send a selection of, say, four articles
from 1 shilling to Fl, 600 in value, and
the bride would pick out what she
Wished-LOndon World.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Over and Under.

.Archie is fairly going crazy over
his new motor
that's strange. Every time rye
seen him he has been going crazy I'M
der 1t. .
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Tommy. Lesson.

Tommie- But, mamma, fingers were
made before forks. Mamma-Yes, my;
boy, and dirt was made before Die,
but you prefer pie, don't you, Tommiel
Yonkers Statesman.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
FuIton,s Power, Of Thought.

ruItoHS FoWeFs OF y h6u9ht.
Robert Fulton possessed to remark
able degree the power Of concentrated
thought. He studied French, Italian
and German and acquired a profcien-
cy in the three languages. Higher
mathematics, physics, chemistry and
perspective also demanded his atten.
ton as he progressed in scientific re.
search Century.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
considerate.

Jasper-Wh great man dies
Longhair writes poem about him.
Rasper-Well, must commend his
consideration in not writing it before
the great man dies.-Boston Globe.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Stuck to Il.

Her Husband-If man steals. no
matter what it is, he will live to re.
greet it. His Wife-During our court
ship you used to steal kisses from me.
Her Husband-Well, you heard what
said.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
A "PIace Of Learnlnu.v

Sydney Smith, once asked why a GER
tain college was called a place Of learn
ing, replied that, although great
many had been there to get learning,
no one had ever taken learning away;
hence it was appropriately named.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Easy,

Jack-The fortune teller said i would
marry blond. Belle-Did she say
how soon? Jack-In six months. Belle
coyly)-1 can easily be blond by that
time, Jack.-Sketch.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
Out Of Mind.

Out Of Mind.
Fenton-At first he was simply crazy
about her, but now he neglects her
shameful1y. SloanesI see. At; first
he went out Of his mind, and then she
went out of his mind"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

It is getting so that one can never
tell whether or not a person has
insanity in his family until he MUIR
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
CAUSTlC COMMENT.
La. G. Rutledge.]

Senator Tom Plat is going to
write his memoirs. Memoirs are
things you remember.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

There are but two ways Of paying
debt-increase Of industry in raising
income, increase Of thrift in laying out.
rCar1yle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02
TheIMidnioht. sun.

The midnight sun is visible wholly
above the horizon at the North Cape
from May IL 70 July 80, at Hammer
fest from May IS to July q and at
Tromso from May 20 to July %.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

A certain Professor De Jassey
says Lots wife is simply an allegori-
cal Implication of the sun. Along
the same line of reasoning, are we to
understand that Lot typifes the
moon because of mans we'll known
weakness of staying out of nights.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

No, brother Rockefeller, money
won't buy happiness-but it will buy
a few of the trimmings, John.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

. The trouble with many a mans In
tegrity Is that Il needs constant vindi.
cation. -Chicago News.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

Africa is Boosting that the Cape
to-Cairo road is the longest road in
the world. Wrong again. How
about Bryan's road to the white
house?
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

Any man may make a mistake.
None but fool will stick to it. Sec
ond thoughts are best, as the proverb
says.-Cfcero.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

An Oklahoma legislator has intro
duced a bill making the water
wagon a common carrier, free passes
to all. If this bill should become
law it is dollars to doughnuts that
the man who falls off will not be
able to collect damages.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

TO CURE "A COLD IN ONE DAY. 1
Take LAXATIYE BROMO Quinine Tablets.
Druggists refun( money Ii 1t falls to cure.
y. w. GROVES Signature is on each box. &c.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

Strange that they should send
the Chicago man who married
fifty wives to jail. The wretch should
have been sent to live with every one
of them.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-03-02

derS someone.