New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1909-09-22
THE MAN WHO SNOR[
Nv M. QUAD.
copyright. 1909. by Associated Literary

BY M. QUAD.
copyright. 1909. by Associated Literary
Press.
When it became known in the vii
lage that George White and Edith
Smith were engaged to be married al
most everybody said that it was a
good match. George was what they
termed a model young man, who had
Just started in the grocery business,
and Edith was schoolteacher and
liked by all. The pair were congrat-
ulated on all sides, and there was but
one doubling Thomas. That was
Edith's Uncle John, who was at the
home on visit. When she asked him
for his opinion he waited a moment
before putting the query:
docs this young man Of yours
swear?"
mo, Of course not! He never ut
tered an oath in his life!" was the
somewhat indignant reply.
when he gets mad does he kick
thingsy'
''But he doesn't get mad"
IF he woke up some morning to
find the gate open and a hog in the
garden would he scramble for club
and try to kill that hog?"
81 don't think so. think he would
drive the animal out without making
any fuss about it,
'Then don't marry him."
"Why, Uncle John, how you talkY'
Don't marry him. My dear, am
sixty-five years old. have been OBJ
serving human nature for the last fifty
years. There are heaps Of good men
in this world, but they are men not
made Of putty Things vex 'em 9th
er things make 'em mad. They swear.
They kick. They break things. Some
times they fight
"And such men drive their wives
from home" commented the niece.
"Such men don't do anything Of the
sort. It's the other kind They don't
swear at their wives, but at the wealth
err, at hogs and oxen, at the ak flying
off the handle, at barrel of cider roll
ing over 'em as they are getting It
down cellar. It's the smooth, placid
man who does the HARM Find him
and you'll find nagger. Find him
and you'll find sneerer, husband
that can cut and humiliate and smile
at the same time"
"Uncle John, you've got it all wrong.
world, and never heard you swear"
Neither did your Aunt Mary. Least
wise, never swore at her. And yet
swore.. Lord, gal, there have been
times when I made the shingles in the
barn fairly smoke. I've been so mad
that wanted to do murder, but swear
ing saved me from it. Ten minutes Of
ripping things up the back quieted me
down. One time hid $500 in cash in
the pocket of an. old coat. Along came
a tramp, and your aunt gave him the
garment. didn't know it for week.
Did I chop her up with the ak? No.
went out behind the barn and jumped
up and down and swore; pounded
the barn; dug up the sile; I broke
limbs off a pear tree. In half an hour
was back in the house kissing Mary's
tears away and telling her not to
mind
The marriage took place, and six
months later there was a separation.
The husband could and did gibe and
sneer and find fault and do it as plac-
idly as a goose pond. He never lost
his temper, and his face wore smile,
but he made home sort of hell. The
young wife went to the village where
| Uncle John lived, while the husband
remained at home. People said it was
her fault-all but the uncle. He said:
II told you so. It's only separation
thus far, and there's hopes you may
get together again. Let me run things
this time.''
Edith secured a place in the telephone
Office, and almost the first voice she
heard over the wire after being in
charge was that of her husband. He
also recognized hers, but they treated
each other as strangers.
One day the "Hello, centralw was
| followed by the announcement:
"say, Edith, people here are saying
that we ought to make up
"Yes?"
'They say it's too bad that we
couldn't get along better"
"Yes?"
"They say 1 ought to be the first one
to make advances, and so I'm going to
tell you that wish you'd come back"
''Who is this speaking?'
"Why, George, OF course
"And you want me to come back?'
Eyes"
''Have you learned to swear yet?"
"What a question! No, of course
not!''
.sThen we won't talk further Good
by"
He was hurt, and he waited week
before calling her up again to ask:
/ well, Edith, what do you think?''
/ "Can you swear yet?''
/ But what has that got to do with
J. Everything. When you can swear