davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

she knows she'll never be able to si%
in with the Real Frontage de Breezes OIL
their apartment house and draw CARDS
until she's able to back her play with
stack of paretic highboys and sickly
settees and the like
Il knowed the world wuZ full of nuts,
said the House Detective, but l didn't
suppose there wuz anybody dippy enough
to want busted-up stuff litterin up the
house while there's installnlent stores on
every corner ready and wiIlin to stake
you to a full outfit fur a dollar down and
dollar more every time your name
comes into the collectors mind
II didn't suppose so. either. until my
conversation with the Walterses, said
the Hotel Clerk. LAS l said to 'em when
the subject first came up. If you want
a mess of this totally disabled furniture.
l says, If you won't be happy unit! all
the mahogany pensioners on the retired
list are cluttering up your place. I says,
why the Delaware. Lackawanna and
Western don't you go out and buy it?''
That's just the trouble says Missis
Walters, 'on Arthur's salary we can't az.
ford it, she says And then she wen
ahead and told me the story of Two
young lives blighted because they cant
turn their cozy home into d rest sana-
forum for rosewood invalids and ebony
ncurableS.
When YOU and me were growing up,
Larry, you'll remember that the newe:
and SIMMER the furniture was the more
merit it acquired. There was the marble
topped center table in the middle of the
parlor where we kept the Treasure OF
Prose volume and the family photograph
album with the deep luXuriant plush nap
on It, That table represented the highest
form of the noble art of shellacking. The
hair sofa also stayed fresh and slick be-
cause nobody but an armored knight
with nail pants on could sit
down on IL and escape being stabbed.
The ma gnificent crayon portrait of
Uncle Henry, enlarged from a tintype
likeness taken at the county fair one
fall. and showing Uncle Henry in the
act OF wearing his annual collar, was en-
shrined in dazzling gold frame with the
gliding spread on absolutely regardless.
The bronze statuary group entitled
Bringing Home the Bride by the Rogers
brothers, was always carefully wrapped
in mosquito netting in lily time, and the
wreath of tin immortelles, that preserved
to us the memory of Cousin Hannah
was kept under a glass dome and shone
in the daylight like an artificial minnow
All the old stuff went to the attic or the
company room soon as the varnish be-
gan TO peel on OF 1t. You could see your
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24
TT he.

been saVin' up tradin' stamps to get some
new stuff for the settin' room. She's only
been savin fur goin' on three years now
and already she's got enough to get nice
nickel-plated patent stove litter. AS soon
as she gets eight million more of the
large green kind, / think II is, and a
couple of bales of the small purple kind,
she'll have enough to get nice golden
oak morris chair with plush cushions,
worth eight dollars and seventy-tive cents.
At least that's wot I'm given to I'M
uerstand by the talk that goes on
around the fiat every night: It's the
principal subject of conversation It's d
sad thing when a tradin' stamp comes be-
tween husband and wife, and I'll be the
happy man when the turrible suspen1e is
over, which it ought to be in seven Or
eight years more But if you don't want
10 wait that long you might try a second
hand store"
I'm afraid the secondhand stores
wouldn't have any that's old enough
said the Hotel Clerk. The kind I'm after
must he furniture that's In its second
childhood: furniture that you'd have to
move in an ambulance. and if you ever
tried to use il 'twould fall into more
pieces than jigsaw puzzle. What
want is the real X hume sick and dis
apled, ased-and- senie furniture"
You don't want IL fur yourself. do
YOU asked the House Detective
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

store may ask for it. II you can get
slender chair for your hall with frac-
tured Chippendale legs and a cane bot
tom that caved in till it looks like a
waste basket. don't overlook that chance
either. You're acquiring priceless
trophy thatll bring tears of envy to the
eyes OF every connoisseur that's allowed
the precious boon OF looking at it, For
$500, anyway. ] think that's the price,
but maybe it's more, you can get q
rare bargain in the shape of a grand
fathers clock that quit striking the year
the boys came back from the Mexican
war and has more things the matter
w.t. Its works than a lady hypocondriac
FOR slightly smaller figure you can
often pick up a perfect gem of spin
ming wheel with most OF the spones
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24
When Brown Bought a Mule.

MAYOR SCHUNK of Dubuque at re-
4VA cent press banquet recalled a quar-
rel between two Dubuque editors
but smith, he said "got the best OF
Brown unquestionably when Brown, who
owned a small farm, bought a mule.
Smith printed d paragraph about this
purchase and headed 1t Extraordinary
Case of Possession
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24
HOTEL. CLERK ON COLLECTING ANTIQUE FURNITURE

those society friends. But l don't think
that to date it's been what you'd call an
unqualified success
'Wot's the trouble?" asked the House
Detective.
Well" said the Hotel Clerk. she's got
a magnificent gold-lined cabinet TO put
the specimens in, but so far, she hasn't
got any specimens"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

hospital for diseased and suffering fur
niture-they're called antique stores-and
get one about a thousand years old that's
afflicted with spavins and saddle boils. II
you can get one with such bum springs
in its cushions that it'll say mamma
like one of those dolls with talented
stomach. when you sit down on it, you've
got a treasure. and you want to nail 1t.
no matter how mucn the proprietor of the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

ILL fly machines
make great changes
in Nature?"
This from me to
Hon. Glenn Ha Wk
CurtiSS. who stood
on bridge of his
new airoplane, the
Red Headed Fly
err" & looked in
direction of AL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Googoo siances at us. The browning
decoration of the front hall was a mis-
sion hat rack that weighed 100 pounds
and could accommodate three hats and
an umbrella This was regarded as be-
ing what the French call the durn Yer
cry in the furniture line. And In my
ignorance | still supposed that when you
bought furniture it was the same as buy
ing eggs or breakfast foods or your wife's
clothes. You wanted the newest and the
freshest the market afforded and if you
didn't get it YOU were entitled to make Il
roar.
But now my eyes have been opened
and | know better. II you've got
chair strong enough to hold your weight,
chuck it out. You don't want ii. There's
no class to it. Go down TO veterinary
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

self in the lid of the cottage organ, and
in hot weather. when you opened the
paror door, it smelled something like
walking into paint and oil store.
Still further along We had the delight
full period of art woods, when we used
to wake up Of morning and find the
bird s-eye maple fOotboard casting many
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

ut are not strange that Hon. Caesar
called France Ancient GALL l nudge.
"Yet 1 are not peeved by this" say
that great cloud-jumper. 1T are easy TO
feel well-natured & sweet when beng
treated to Hero-salutes wherever you
arrive. Success makes friends. 1t are
thusly with all walks of life including
hying. The World throws banzals TO
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24
By Irwin S. Cobb.

A r r y inquired
the Hotel Clerk %
the House Detec-
tive of the st.
Reckless, w h ere
could | find some
old furniture ?"
IF you can only
wait long enough |
could let you have
sumo myself" said
the House Detec-
tive. The wife's
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

that Bleriot discovered atrial navigation.
And whenever a Wright or Curtiss ma
chine breaks a record in France all Paris
papers comes out with a editorial about
French People"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Human Nature he report. Hon. Cur
tss have got a cool & modest manner
Maybe Wright Bros. will sue him for
this also. ut are impossible to rise up
above the level of Human Nature he
contributed on whether you got Gnome
or a Antoinette motor, whether you travel
them floating sausages of Zeppelin mana
faxure. When two sky-chauffeurs meets
I'm heaven they are like two Poets or
College Profs or anybody else what come
together on a higher level-they got ar
tistick temperature & jalus disposition.
Maybe fiy-ships will ush in a New Era
l am disabled to tell. But this 1 am
aware: when l won that Loving Cup at
Reams, France. the Grand Stand acted
very similar to Polo Grounds, n. Y,
when Hon. Hans Wagner of Pittsburg
Christy Mat. You could scarcely realize
l was champion avigator Of the World
If Hon. Crowd felt enthusiastick it was
very quiet about it. Even a grone was
heard from occasional loyal French
mans.
WAS not them Frenchmans happy to
see how Science had advanced, even if
they was defeated
Science will never advance SO far that
folks will enjoy seeing the Home Team
lose commute this fly person.
Hon. Curtiss take slight sip of butter
milk from that International Loving
Cup.
But them French fiiers did not hold
no gruj or mean curses for Hon. Wilburd
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

do the World always laugh at Cen
ius?" l holla as Hon. Machine was about
to scoot upwardly.
1.-THE World never takes a Genius SER
iously." say him. until he show the
World he got something worth laughing
at
With such wise retorix he look nerv-
ously in direction Of Wall Street where
human fiers can be seen going up with
delicious suddenness & coming down
with disgusting bump
Hoping you are the same,
Yours truly.
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright. 1909 by the Associated Lit
erary Press)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Man what show he can keep up longest
Yet in early strusgly of Genius was
you not laughed at for your flying
habits"
Il was laughed at for II years" car
rode Glenn proudly. Wright Bros. were
only laughed at for 10 Thusly | have
broke another of their records.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

missing and the legs falling out by the
roots. or a mahogany bureau with skin
disease and drawers that you couldn't
open with anything short Of blast Of
dynamite.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

BABES was never scarce IN lam
mondsport," reply Glenn. But UNI
brellas was expensive BY the time
had arrived to IA years age ] had built
II heavier-than-air flying-machines which
was Y successful did not prove they
could fly. but I proved they was all
heavier-than-air. My experiments was
not limited to sky-boats. neither"
mot so?''
Not so! Before l was age one dozen
l had followed furious Inventions to my
discredit:
1-Nurseless Baby-Carriage. So in
telligent it would continue going ahead
long as Infant was quiet, but would re-
turn home when he began to cry At
first demonstrations Of this val Machine
1t got mad & exploded, soaring Hon
Jed Prouty's gray mare to death by
spasms. Total loss $50.
2-Talking Ballot Box This we're ar
ranged with q fonygraf so it would holla
Back again. when the same man voted
twice. When he voted three times it
would yall Three and out! This was
tried in N. Y. municipal election, but
was kicked out because too noisy.
3-The Cupidometer. Useful invention
for love-smacked Youths to find out If
Lady are thinking Yes or No. This Ma
chine were built like a belt. Wind #
twice around waist of grille friend, turn
on dynamo & look at her eyes. holding
clasp to both her hands. If her eyes
flash red 1t means Yes: If green it
snignify No But this invention wore
useless Because If young Gent can
get 80 close as that he do not need to
find out by machinery"
-
Are not f1ighty flying beautiful II &c
the Poetry bus ness?" l nextly require
II thought So" dib Glenn. It'll once at
Brescia I took up Italian poet name of
Dan Onionjo. l got once advice to you.
If you ever buy a airoplane don't take
up no Italian Poets, however light"
Are they restless?" 1 snuggest
Restless say he. THAT Dan Onionjo
spilled poetry all over the machinery and
almost wrecked US when we was 800 feet
above Mt. Vesuvius. He told me I was
soo-blime like julius Caesar. He called
me a super-man. If my hands had not
been full of machinery I should of struck
Jim for that. Just when 1 thought he
we're going to settle down to ride quiet
he would jump up & go into a transport
He Vailed o the life of birds. and want
ed me to tell him good rhyme for
airoplane.' Finally 1 spilled him into
tree Flying is hard enough, without
mixing poetry with your gasolene"
II read by neews-print." are next ex-
animation from me. chow one famous
Alligator say that Hon. North Pole will
be dishcovered by Airoplane'
What famous Alligator say that?' re-
quire Glenn suspectfully.
Hon. Owlville Wright" 1 snuggest.
did Owlville say that?'' he dib.
Trouble with them Wright Bros is they
talks too much"
But could not persons arrive to Pole
by Airships If they wants to-" 1 quizz.
They might. but could they?" relapse
Glenn when airplanes is built strong
q willing to carry IA extra passengers,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

caused by New York municipal election.
lone more reply. please I assemble.
What do you think of the French as
national people,
The French" he snuggest, SHOW
great curtissy & other fine properties
Their imaginations are full Of gasolene
They are already beginning to imagine
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Wright" ] snugsest. WHEN ne was
there he were boss Hero of everything.
"Wilburd,' say Glenn, went over to
France to teach them how to do it to fly.
This were pleasant job. I went over to
beat them at this fy-game. That were
dsagreeable job
Them Wright machines should not
risk their popularity by winning races
from Frenchmans" I commit brightly.
They was never in such danger 1T
Reams," dib Glenn gloomy
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

TON. Glenn Hawk Curtiss
i / Tells Hashimura Togo
Why 1t Is Impossible to Rise
Above Human Nature, No
Matter What the Make of
Your Aeroplane.
y. V City, y. Y.
To Editor Sunday Star, who must realize
how deIiciously surprised Genius
must he when he are not horned in
Ohio.
Hon. Mr.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

bany. y. y, WOhder1ng now he cou1u
" over that wicked city and remain po-
z lily pure.
h, make no answer to my reply.
viii fy-machine make great changes
In Nature?'' | collide closely to his ear so
he should hear me said it.
There are one variety of Nature 1t
will never make no change in he snap
back, aroplainly.
What should that be-" ! require with
great dirigeabilty.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Heaven forbid that | should ever make
= collection OF debilitated junk" said the
hotel Clerk. ITS Walters and his wife
That want II, not me. They had me up
To dinner last night and both of them
asked me 10 help them get in touch with
some desirable hopeless cripples in the
household goods line
Amt your friend able TO buy new fur
uiture fur his establishment asked the
House Detective.
"Oh. yes. indeed" said the Hotel
Clerk. Hes got money enough TO buy
new furniture, but not enough to buy
old furniture. 1t makes his wife very
unhappy. She's ambitious socially and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

then respectable trippers might like to
dishcover this Pole
why should IA extra passengers be
necessary for such picnics?' I require.
Extra passengers say Hon. Curt,
must go long for following uses:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

Yes. sir, the manufacture of antique
furniture has become one of our greatest
modern industries. 1t gives employment
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-24

oftenly sees this sight at airO-races
never says How wonderful
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
The Owl as a HELPER.

A family of barn owls will number
from three to seven birds. 1t is hard
to believe what an amount Of vermin
a family of owls will consume. An
old owl will capture as much or more
food than dozen cats in a night. The
owlets are always hungry. They will
eat their own weight in food every
night and more If they can get it. A
case is on record where a half grown
owl was given all the mice it COULD
eat. 1t swallowed eight. one after
the other. The ninth followed. all
but the tail. which for some time hung
out Of the birds mouth The rapid
digestion of birds of prey is shown
by the fact that in three hours the
little glutton was ready for a second
meal and swallowed four more mice.
If this can be done by single bird.
what effect must whole family of
owls have on the vermin of a COM
munity? 1t would be difficult to point
out more useful bird than the barn
owl in any farming country. Like
many other birds. it deserves the full
est protection. but man is often its
worst enemy.-American Birds
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
Giving Her tho Benefit.

The dressmaker looked at the bill
which had been made out for the plain
little frock and then threw up her
hands in horror. "That will never do"
she said emphatically. "Twenty for
making and $3.13 for findings. How
would that appear on paper, $23.13!
Why. the lady would look upon the
frock as hoodooed and imagine that
every time she wore it it would bring
her bad luck. Here: let me have the
list of findings" She figured rapidly
and soon had the bill $24.37.
There" she said contentedly, "that
will satisfy her. And she will be still
more pleased when discount the
change and accept an even $24."
But" said the girl who had made
out the bill, isn't that somewhat of
an ovcrcharge?'
"Oh. WELL" answered the dressmaker,
IAN overcharge isn't nearly as bad as
an unlucky number. Besides, couldn't
very we'll charge her less than the real
amount, could I?'-New York Press.
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
Paid In His Own Coin.

"1've got nothing else and you'll
have to take it." said the consequent
tial man In the tram car.
but we ain't supposed to change
half sovereigns," said the conductor.
Cant help that" said the passen-
ger. you'll have to find change: that's
all. Pm not going to get off,"
A man in the corner with a big black
bag becloned to the conductor. There
was whispered confab. and smiling
conductor returned to the wealthy
passenger.
"A gentleman has offered to give you
change" he said.
"Ha. ha! So you had to find change
after all. my fine fellow. eh! Well.
here's the half sovereign"
1t was five minutes before he got his
change.
When the conductor brought it. it
was in double handful There you
are, sir" he said And. dumping down
119 pence and penny ticket upon the
cantankerous one. he left him to gasp
out his expostulations.
The man with the black bag was an
automatic gas meter collector.-Lon-
don Tit-Bits.
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
Easily Coaxed.


The new schoolteacher had a talk
with Mrs. Hobart one day in regard
to discipline. II don't see how you
manage Bobby as well as you do"
said the teacher. Il like him. but he's
such a mischievous little fellow, and
he will not mind. yet every one says
he minds you. wish you'd explain
it to me-"
'Well," said Mrs. Hobart doubtfully,
"1'd just as soon tell you, but I'm
afraid it won't help you much. You
see, kind of coax him"
Coax himv echoed the teacher.
Eyes," said Mrs. Hobart, "that's what
do. say to him, Now. come, Bobby,
wouldn't YOU rather be mothers good
boy and have griddlecakes and sirup
for supper and play games till
O'Clock than have just plain bread
and milk that's been through the sep
arator and 60 to bed right after it,
with the curtains drawn so you can't
see the stars"
II can most always coax him that
way.
"Once in awhile. If he's real set to
be naughty. I'll say, See here, Bobby,
which ID you rather have-mother fry
you some doughnuts or cut a little
willow switch, not so very little,
either?'
II can coax him that way sure II
the other fails. s."-Youth's Companion.
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30

HE THREW HIS LANTERN WITH ALL HIS
MIGHT"
Haven't you got any more lanterns
on your train?'
"1'd rather 60 back with one,' says
he.
'That made me laugh. He wasn't
going to let on but what he'd stopped
my train in the regular way. And ]
don't believe he did. There was nc
OCCASION to report it to anybody. That
boy wasn't after any hero's honors OF
any of that kind of business.
But of course 1t came out because.
though l didn't ask any leave, l had
to go around for quite spell with my
face all plastered up.
doctor down to Yarmouth fixed me
up all right. Jimmy offered to pay the
bill, but. bless you. I'd never let him
do that even If the doctor had charged
me cent. which he didn't.
II was almighty glad to get out OF
that scrape with a scar on my face,
and l reckon it won't amount to much
after it's bleached out.
"How is Jimmy getting on? Oh.
first rate. guess. If they ever thought
OF reprimanding him for not making
sure he had matches with him when
he started out to signal that train l
guess they reflected that he'd shown
qualities that redeemed that fault and
that the chances were that he'd make
a first rate railroad man.
Hes still braking on the Flying
Dude. But it won't take many years
to see him conductor, you can de-
pend on that"
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30

me. My goodness says he. I hoped
shouldn't hit you, but I was bound
to stop you anyway
That's So says l. Don't talk
about it any more. might have pass
ed you and never seen you. or IL !
bad noticed you waving your arm BY
the side of the track should have
taken you for some fool of a tramp
and like as not paid no attention tc
you and gone on at full speed around
that next bend. But says l, you'd
better 60 on to your own train now
4 wish some of you fellows would
lend me lantern says he.
Il looked ut his lantern and saw
that the glass had smashed when II
went to the cab floor after hitting mo
What's the matterY questioned
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
Confidence Justified,

When Sardou was young he lived
and worked in an attic in the Latin
quarter of Paris. 1t was In the days
before the water carriers were thing
Of the past, and it came about that
the poor young man owed GO francs to
the peasant from Auvergne who used
to carry up his daily supply of water.
"My good fellow" Sardou said to
him one day, Il cannot pay you, and
! don't know when l shall be able to.
I don't want to abuse your goodness
any longer, so must ask you, until
am in position to settle with you,
not to bring any more water. will
fetch it myself"
But the Auvergnot would not hear
of such thing.
Monsieur" said he. II have been
watching you for long time. When
l bring up your water you are always
writing. When a young man Of your
education works as you do one may
have entire confidence in him. He is
bound to arrive. I shall go on bring
ing up your water as before. You will
pay me when you succeed"
1t was not long before the shrewd
Auvergnot's reading Of Sardou's charac-
ter and abilities was justified Figaro.
Willmar tribune., 1909-06-30
No Change Of Faith.

Mr.. Kirke had been setting forth
some of his cheerful views of life, and
the summer boarder was much pleas
ed. "You are real optimist," she said
joyfully.
"No, ma'am." said Mr. Kirke, with re-
prOachful decision. "If I've given you
any reason to think I'm going back on
the Methodist church that was raised
and brought up in Pm sorry; you've
mistook my talk. haven't any quar-
rel with folks that find these new sects
helpful, but the old ones are good
enough for me."-Youths Companion.