davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09
MR.. GRUMP ON THE ECONOMY THING

falcons around this shack. and there s
never going to be any more than one.
Its mighty rare thing for me to take
any kind of stand around here. whether
I'm right or not. AS rule ! let things
slide. I don't say a word about the crazy
and wasteful things | see you doing all
the time. ! keep mum. i like peace. |
hate discord. I'm for a quiet life. But
when. once i'm a million years or SO. ] Do
undertake, in a mild and perfectly proper
manner, to indicate my views with respect
to certain incidents that come under my
observation here. why, ! expect to lie lis
tened to with courtesy at least, even If
do not attempt to exact respect. and
"How's that? You didn't think there
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

Kansas City man VINO. dIter escdpiHs
from a federal prison and setting GOWN
to straight life. was squealed upon py
a released prison mate and taken pack u
the penitentiary. only to he pardoned oy
the President upon the petition OF some
tens of thousands of Missourians.
I'm not saying, went on the seasoned
detective person. that that Kansas CITY
bird wasn't all right, perhaps an excep-
ton But he didn't belong to the regular
lag push. He dipped into the till of the
post office where he was working, TO ton
out marshmallow money or something IKE
that and that being g federal Joo, thev
skidded him over the road right QUICK.
When he made a good getaway from lhe
federal prison he was still just young
fellow that had been grabbed AFTER litt-
ing his first piece Of change, and no real
lag at all; and So though lot OF muss
was made and ink scattered around ABOUT
his case. it doesn't really count at All,
except that it gave a new nudge along
to this Jean Vatican thing that aHords
some folks a chance to wise you up TO II
that they've read the Hugo book, Whlch,
maybe, is why most of them spring 1t.
.'If you're in a listening humor, you
can take it from me that iags Is lags
Just as much as eggs is eggs. Nobody
who knows anything about lags is fall
ing for that E-fiat dirge music junk about
them being bounded back to prison by
the bulls when. after getting ont. they're
just crazy, so they are, to lead an honest.
Injun life and get jobs driving trucks and
Things and chipping in for the. Home
Mission Society and all that stuff.
That's the nine-beers kind OF music
that you hear everyWhe = these days
about eX-convicts that al pinched- on
suspicion soon after they rOp into town
from stir-prison, that is--but It's just
the gupy after-hours stuff and it doesn't
go for half a yen when the right facts
are poked out.
I've been taught by more than thirty
years of buling around after and along
side of sure-enough lags that only about
one out of a hundred of them ever by any
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

lage by the night train from New
through the pinched ones cottage.
They didn't find a single, solitary
thing there but a stack of the finest
$50 and 500 national bank plates that
are now on view at the Treasury in
WashingtoD and about half a ton OF
the cracking silk threaded paper that
couldn't be distinguished from the
really and truly kind. and a gasoline
operated press in the cellar and some
sample copies that had already been
run off just to grease up the machins
cry. 1t was one of the incest and cutese
hauls the government agents had made
in a long time: and yet the village au-
thorities had been on the pin point of
turning that crackerjack punk paper
maker loose that afternoon when the
Jean Vatican moan had been set up
that he was the victim of persecution
on the part of the bulls.
thine and again I've seen kindly old
employers get the 2-X at the hands or
Jagged employees of theirs whom they
took back into their employ out Of the
goodness of their hearts and with the
belief that the rescued lags would just
bust themselves wide open endeaVoring
to do the right thing. Philadelphia
bull was telling me lately of case of
that kind that happened down in his
hamlet: the wind up of it occurred only
few months ago.
About three years ago young lei
low working as cashier of an old Qua
ker ship chandler got to tinkerinS with
the back-ro handbook lon -the-Ponies
makers and the old, old thing came on
He fell to feeling around in the boss
till for any struggling change that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

OF many of my
summer guests are
left here now
said the proprietor
OF the dog board
ing house and SAN
itarium. pretty
nigh all of the
Washington folks
are back from the
S e a s II ore a n d
mountains and the
first thing that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

house CRATER, too, did you! thousht
so. It's pretty easy to toss money down
the caves when you don't have to earn H.
isn't it? That is about the most finished
speciality YOU perfOrm-nur!lng other
folks money at the brides. You wouldn t
be so nonchalantly hurlful. I'd be willing
to bet something pretty, if you had to go
get the coin yourself. But as long as
you've got a fathead on your stan TO
toss about nine-tenths OF the money he
makes into your lap, why. there isn't a
reason in the world that you can think
of why you should be little careful with
it, Nary a reason. Don't tell me. Don
1 see you tossing 1t to every rumdum and
CRATER that spins along? It's a wonder
you wouldn't go out and
.How's that? You only paid a nickel
for the pencil, and the man looked ema-
ciated and had only one arm? Oh, sure
Certainly. He may have had only one
arm and he may have had two or three.
There's no telling These flat-to-flat swim
dlers have a neat little way OF hiding a
good arm just for the purpose OF work
ing on silly emotionalism OF women that
answer their bells. And as for the ema-
ciated gag, they're pretty clever at CIV
ing themselves a gaunt and hungry look.
I'd be willing to bet anything that that
bum is right down at the corner groggery
now blowing in the money you gave MIN
OF booze. I don't care q dang whether
they drink booze or not, but when 1t
comes to gouging me for their picking
money, why, buck and buck hard, and
if
"A lot of talk just on account of a
nickel? Now. see here, I don't intend for
a holy minute to permit you to put the
extinguisher on me in any such fashion
as that. You're not going to shut me up
in that choppy way of yours when there S
a question of principle involved. or when
there's nothing else involved but my right
to talk as much as [ burned please In my
own establishment. when it comes to that.
II don't happen to belong to the species
that can be shut up that way. Don't you
get the idea in your head, IL you please,
that just because you happen to be trot-
ting around with lot of women in this
apartment building who bullyrag and
buIldoze and hector their husbands and
make 'em hush up like so many CLAIMS
every time they start to open their traps
don't you think, | beg of you. that you re
going to follow the example of these bull
dozy women and shut ME UP when I'm
conversing This. as I understand the
matter. is my plant. I'm living here. L m
the one that comes across with the rent
coin Leaving all those considerations
aside. there's just one wearer of the pam
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

due to go home as soon as the fall days
begin to arrive. And when they get 1t
into their heads that they're due to be
claimed they become nervous and eX-
cited and irritable. and doze with one
eye and ear ooen for the footstep or
the sound of the voice that means so
much to them. When the first bunch
of dogs are reclaimed those that are left
behind sulk me something fierce. Not
that they don't like 1t here-most of them
that is-but they all like home and their
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

was any chance that I'd be angry over
your giving the poor man a mere nickel?
Now. see here, that'n be about all o
that. Don't you sit there and try to
switch the thing around SOS to make me
appear a tightwad. That's one thing I
shall not tolerate. If there's any idiot
within radius Of fourteen miles from
where I sit that's more easy to he bam-
boozled out of his money than / am.
why What? You didn't say that was
a tightwad? No. but you made a deliber-
ate and malevoient attempt to make 1t
appear that the thing I was ang-I mean
pertufbed ABOUT was the sum of money
the nickeEthat you gave that bum, when
as a matter of fact you know perfectly
well. only you haven't the common fair
ness or sense OF Justice to admit it. that
the stand I took and am taking Is based
purely and strictly on matter of prin-
ciple.
IT don't believe In encouraging these
hoboes that flock around flats, preying
upon the silly sentimentality of women.
and you know it. The principle involved
would have been the same if you'd staked
that tramp to ten dollars instead of a
nickel It's the way you permit yourself
to be made a soft mark of that I'm kick
ing about. You only get the laugh from
these bell-ringing rummies when you fall
for their transparent tales Of woe. They
don't appreciate anything you do for 'em.
They look upon people that help EN- as
mere jokes and jellyfish.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

OR a long time the
autumn has been
known in Wash
ington as 1.-The crank
sea SON." Perhaps 1t
is just a coinci-
dence t h a t the
American cit | re n
with a freak idea
seems to pick out
this time of the
year for his journey
to Washington in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

RS. GRUMP having
bought a nickel
pencil from a one
armed man, who
rang the apartment
bell while dinner
was in progress,
Mr.. Grump seized
upon the occasion
to exude the fol-
lowing remarks:
"Oh, SO you fell
for the barrel
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

Waited for Death.
lying about it, and so l said there had
been six.
But where is the other one?' she
asked me.
II hated to tell her, but had to. The
mother had killed the other one, and
would perhaps have killed them all If l
hadn't taken them away from her in
time. It's way that some Great Dane
mothers have The Great Danes mis-
tress froZe on her dog instantly.
why, it's the most shocking thing l
ever heard of in all my life.' she said.
Please take her away from my sight-I
never want to see her again, the low
common creature You can have her.
I'll take the puppies. but 1 wouldn't
have that-that murderess around the
place again for anything i'll the world
That's how I'm now in possession of
valuable Great Dane matron. But
every time I look at her I have a think
or two about the kinkiness of women.
especially some women who own dogs.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

you mention it before You don't want
to see the Secretary You want to go to
the bureau OF animal industry. Amt
that it?'
The visitor guessed it was and the
Waterman. entirely relieved of his ap-
prehensions. led the thin man down a
corridor and pushed open door.
You see said the visitor to the spec
tacled scientist behind the desk. after he
had mentioned that his name was Simon
son and that he was from 'Ioway,' I've
got a little idea that I've been working
on for some time. l didn't get much en-
said / was crazy, but you can see I'm
not. At least. l don't think So said
the visitor. land l thought I'd show you
my invention
Whereupon he raised the cover of the
box and took out peculiar looking affair
OF wood.
This" he said proudly. lis a model Of
the .Simonson-Improved-D Twen-
tieth Century Clean Pig Sly l keep pigs
for a living and I've got a whole lot Of
them. Well. it occurred to me about a
year ago that the pig was dirty animal
They just seemed to me to go around
looking for mud, and I set out to find
reason. I amt so awful bright, but II
didn't take me long to discover that 1t
was heredity that was bothering the pigs
Why, I've seen a pig pass by pool OF
clean fresh water. to wallow in mud
hole. That amt right. No thinking pig
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

DULL nave o.
served that they re
overworking I h a I
Jean Vatican ga g
I'm a lot Of different
sections of t h l 8
country said a
veteran headquar-
tiers detective to me
the other day in
commenting upon
the case of that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

"Maybe you'll suppose there was
whole lot OF lead-the-straight-lif stuff
ripping through the back of that swell
dips conk. lie went to Chicago after
laai and he's now the flyest leather work
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

Special Correspondence Of The Star.
NEW YORK October S, 1909.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

boarders, but when the time was long
overdue for them to be called for, and
all the rest of their dog boarding pals
had gone to their homes. they. took sick
together from pure inconsistencies and
worry. They knew perfectly well that
something was wrong. The SAINT
Bernard, whose mistress had been killed
in the automobile accident, lasted a
couple of months and then died. The
other one, an Irish setter, I managed to
save by lending him to a man bound on
q hunting trip The dog became inter-
ested in the hunting work, and. when the
the relatives of his dead owner, he got
around all right
"A good many dog owners are peculiar
people to deal with. ard dog man can
never know whether he's going to make
a hit with them or not. Last spring a
skye terrier was left with me by a
Capitol Hill woman, who was about to
go abroad. The terrier was q house
raised dog. and he was an arrant coward
when l got him. If you'd SO much as
look cross-eyed at him he'd crouch and
crawl along as If he'd been beaten within
an inch Of his life every day since his
birth. Now, 1 don't permit dogs in
trusted to me to do any lighting, but I've
got way or two of taking the cowardice
out of dogs built that way l taught this
skye terrier to believe that he WASH t
the natural prey Of every spunky little
mutt One-quarter of his size that felt like
taking a piece out of his ear or legs. and
when he had got that far he improved
fast. He began to assert himself and
talk back to the other ones when they
brushed against him. When he figured
that they were trying to give him the
worst of it he was there with the kick,
and by the time his mistress came for
him he was all dog and worth owning.
from here she came running back here
to me with an angry countenance. Want
ed to know what I'd been doing with
her dog to make rowdy of him.
He d already thrashed every dog of
his size in the neighborhood, and some a
great deal bigger than he is. and I'm
afraid to let him out into the street. she
said to me.
Il
II advised her to let the dog alone;
told her that he was only teaching the
dogs in his neighbOrhood their place,
and that when he'd finished doing that
he'd settle down to quiet life. Her
husband was with her when she called
that time, and he dallied behind when
she left to have a private word with
me- He had broad grin on his face
Say he said to me, send me a bill
TO my Office for anything extra you want
to charge for putting a little backbone
into that mutt. Why, say, he cleaned up
a scrappy bull terrier near our house the
other evening, and I was so swelled up
when l saw him do that that ] could
hardly get through my front door
But that dog was all right. as l told
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

but this isn't altogether the idea,
either. The other part of the idea is
that you seem to take it for granted thai
you're privileged to dish out money to
every fairy tale spinner that weaves along
as if you were the almoner or almoneress
OF king. I'd like to know, just out of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

Sldhu lOF dlSSlpilfle. DlS lot a lew DOneS
a week? Turn into the shucks at night
at the time other folks seek the hay?
Let all of the good, easy marks skid
by them? Watch the still-working lags
of their push getting the money in fat
gobs while they, the so-calied Jean Val
Jeans. prowl around the onyx and white
letter hasheries for their eats?
Not any, They don't see it. They'll
tell you So Scores of them have told
me so fatty.
"'All that fo~ Sweeney and the end
book most of them are saying to them
selves the while the chaplain is unveil-
ing the words OF advice on Sundays up
the road. The live thing easy, with pork
chops greasy, for mine.
Not so long ago | met a noted dip
piCkpocket-who was moochlng out OF
The Grand Central station. He was just
6owa from stir-the Sing Sing plant
after doing a three-stretcher. We stood
and chinned for a minute.
Well said |. starting to nudge along
after having famed it over, you'll be
doing that lecture thing about How and
Why | Reformed at the Y. NJ. {. A.
next Sunday afternoon, WHAT
Yep said he. walking over to mel
was ten feet away from him by that
time-'I'm liable to, as long as Pm there
with the slick mitt and have got my
hand in like see have now. You might
just as we'll take your clock along with
YOU. .matey.' and he handed me back my
watch.
He'd slid the souper out of my weskit
pocket and loosed it from the chain while
talking to me. and yet I'd take my oath
that I'd never been closer than three feet
In him.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

chance feels like growing into the square
path at any stage of the run They
themselves laugh at that Jean Vatican
stuff.
rs an old joke for a fly cop to toss
Il at just-released lag who's hanging
around. Well, DO. you're for job as a
motorman now, en-? and the lag is al
WAYS there with a chuckle at the thought
Of that and he says in reply, nine times
out of ten, Not as long ! can put
anything over and duck YOU fat-necks,
and he means il, too.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-09

that had the proper ancestry and raising
would do that. and after seeing that Mr..
Darwins ideas agreed with mine ] set to
work and invented this sty. l. figure out
that between fifteen and twenty genera
tions of pigs. brought up in the Simon
son Improved Darwinian Twentieth Cen
fury Clean Pig Sly. would change the pig
completely. In that length of time We
would have a breed OF clean pigs. pigs
that would run about mile to wade In
a crystal brook and that would shudder
with hereditary horror every time they
saw mudhole. The people out my way
said l was crazy. so thought ia better
come right on here and see what you
thought Of my invention"
The scientist looked earnestly at Mr..
Smonson. Then he rose from his chair
and grasped the man from foway by the
hand.
II am indeed glad to meet YOU" he
said feelingly. You are thinker and
you are thinking along the right line.
You are one Of those courageous enough
to think for yourself and to take first
and oftentimes difficult STEP oblivious of
ridicule or scorn. And l say this, Mr..
Simonson notwithstanding the Depart
ment of Agriculture already has taken
steps to realize the truth of the ideas you
advance. Mr.. Simonson. the clean pig is
on the way. He is now in process of
evolution. He will arrive
Mr. Simonson of Ioway gulped a couple
of times and appeared dazed. And out
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29

There is no case on record OF a cough.
cold or la grippe developing into pneu-
monia after Foley's Honey n Tar has
been taken. a. It cures the most obstinate
deep seated coughs ana colds. why take
anything else. For sale by all druggists.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29

janitors and engineers in his employ. None
of the officials or clerks contributed to the
purchase and this did not set well with
Rowden. The officials, however. called at
his office to see the trophy OF Rowden's
reign and his refusal to show the cane was
followed with his calling upon the power
Of darkness to visit vengeance upon those
of his prosecutors who nave called in vain
for a match or a piece OF ice.
Chief of Police Donshue. who had a set
to with the custodian last summer when
the latter cut off the chiefs supply of ice,
which supply the chief paid for out of his
personal funds. missed the exciting incident
in the custodian's office.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
RvoWDEN READS THE RIOT ACT
,WhiIona city Hall UncOrks
sit the Walls of His Wrath Upon
2 lne Onlciala.

Prolonged grief over continual censure
from city officials finally broke down the
'anliable disposition OF a Rowden.
whiiom custodian OF the city hall, and he
uncorked the walls Of his wrath Thursday
and told several of the aforesaid officials
what he thought OF them. But The Bee
hasn't any OF that kind of type. Strangely
'enobeh. however, the custodian addressed
his remarks in the main to the newspaper
men present and ended by e~jecting them
from his private sanetuu,
The presentation OF a cane to the retiring
e1stediAn brought the Rowden wrath TO
the burstins point The cane, said TO be
Eosd-hsAded-but screened from the light
o. all by Rowden-was given TO him by the
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29

Fancy head lettuce, radishes, spin
ach. c~auliflower. cuoumbers, tOma-
toes, egg plant, wax and string beans,
French artichokes, Brussels sprouts.
green peppers, mushrooms. beets, tur-
nips, carrots. water cress, mint,
Hubbard squash. rhubarb, Bellevue
celery.
Freie Presse fuÌˆr Texas. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1865-1945, 1909-10-01
Inn bos @eftert ridt flagaL
Dor Dem Nsoreen nidt oaoerL
Gos &eirte ntraoe1t

Senoet uns guer gieb u,o
erbaltet ben boditen Marftpreis:
rnIfe Grleoigung uno uniere Mner.
%tennung. Geo. @. Gamnocrs Com
million &c., San Mntonio uno Sort
@ortb.
Freie Presse fuÌˆr Texas. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1865-1945, 1909-10-01

Jobn $. Bolton, offentIider go.
tar. @runoeigentum. Mgent fir
Veniionsmipriihe. 8immer 9, 81
Sames SoteI, Sit-&ouiton StraB,
Bei6e Telephone $50.