davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Made the Most Of His Hats.

When Lord Miner held bis first re-
eeption at Pretoria the officers and
legislators were given to understand
that frock coats and tall hats were ex-
pected Of them. There was only one
shop in the place in which silk hats
We're sold, and this had but four Of
them. The Transvaal legislators rush
ed off In body to buy these four, but
the halter, not being mad, saw his
opportunity In their extremity. He
knew there was no time to get hats
from anywhere else, so he resolved not
to sell. He offered to let them out on
hire at the rate Of 10 shillings for ten
minutes. His shop was close at hand.
-Four gentlemen could present them
selves before his excellency. After ten
minutes they must silently steal away
and hand over their hired fnery to an
other painting quartet. It was DONE
and the halter still repeats dream1ly as
he recalls the moment Of his life, 1T
would not have been fair to have sold
them, not fair to my customers and
not fair to myself."-Pau Mall Ca
Zette,
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
His Status.

The caste system is so deeply rooted
among the people Of India that Chris
tianized Hindoos are still under it's po-
tent influence. For example, Mr.. ]. G.
Oman, formerly professor of natural
science in the government COLLEGE at
Lahore, tells III his book, "The Brah-
mans. Deists aud Muslims of India" OF
the native Christian head master Of u
mission school who was asked in q
court Of justice what his religion was
"Brahman-Christian," he replied.
The judge, who was European. not
recognizing such sect, asked for more
information.
Il am a Brahman-C Christian" reiter-
ated the head master. II cannot call
myself simply Christian" he contin-
ued with some warmth, when that
Choorah (sweeper) there is also =
Christian. l am a Brahman- Christian,
SIR"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Curious Greetinqs,

a French journal has been looking
into the question of how different races
express the colloquialism How do you
do?' and presents some curious exam.
pies, The Koreans, for instance, do
not give or imply any offense when
they greet each other with the remark,
""You do look DID," Persians say, MAY
Allah preserve your beard and cover
1t with benedictions Among a tribe
of Fiji islanders the correct form of
salutation is to pull ones ear. A Caro-
line islander kneels before his friend,
whose foot he grasps and slaps himself
vigorously in the face with it. In the
Sudan traveller was addressed by a
native chief as Mighty SUM-" the said
chief finishing up with "Glory to thee,
o splendid moon," the remark being
accentuated by expectorating in the
travellers right hand
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
A Talent For RaIancino

The pleasant coffee room of the old
Star and Garter at Richmond, which
was burned down in 1869, was patron
lied by Bngiand's statesmen, politicians
and writer's. On Saturday evenings it
was regularly visited by a middle aged
gentleman Of rather broad stature,
with gray hair and large shirt collar
which formed conspicuous feature in
his attire. He would dine always
alone at particular corner table, and
after dinner it was his humor to build
up before him a pyramid of tumblers
and wineglasses, which he topped with
a decanter. Occasionally the whole
structure would topple over and litter
the table with it's ruins. Then the mid
die aged gentleman would rise, pay
his bill, including the charge for
broken glass, and depart. The walters
knew him we'll. He was Thomas Bab-
angton, Lord Macaulay.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
One Of Hooks Practical Jokes.


Theodore Hook forged 1000 letters
to 1000 tradesmen and others request
ing them to call on certain day and
hour at the house of a wealthy widow,
Mrs. Tottenham, in Berners street,
London, against whom he had con-
ceived grudge.
These people began to arrive soon
after daybreak. The rush continued
until nearly midnight. They came by
ffties and hundreds.
There were 100 chimney sweeps, 100
bakers, fifty doctors, fifty dentists, fifty
accouchers. There were priests to ad-
minister extreme unction and Metho-
dist ministers to offer last prayers.
There were fifty confectioners with
wedding cakes, fifty undertakers with
cofins, fifty fishmongers with baskets
of cod and Holsters. They pushed,
quarreled and fought, and the police
were called out to prevent riot. FL
nally among the hoaxed ones came the
governor Of the Bank Of England, the
royal Duke of Gloucester and the lord
mayor Of London, each lured thither
by some cunning pretext. A police in.
Testigation followed, but the perpetra'
tor was not detected.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Couldn't Help It.

A young lady tells the following
story of an Englishman she met dur
ing trip to Mexico:
The Englishman became acquainted
with the American party while they
were all guests at a winter hotel
Whenever the parents Of the American
girl proposed any trip the Englishman
Immediately begged to be made one
Of the party. He was to be included
in moonlight trip to nearby noun
tain. After the Americans were ready
to start they had to delay some fifteen
minutes awaiting their guests ar
rival When he did arrive he cleo
trifed them by his comments on the
reason for his delay. What he said
was:
II beg pardon for my beastly tardi-
ness Couldn't help it, don'cherknow.
I had to bring my mother from the
gardens first. It's a singular horrid
bore, but one has to be kind to his
mother, don'cherknowW - Milwaukee
Free Press.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Put to Flight.

The baby in arms was screaming
Justify, and the man in the gray suit
could not hide his irritability.
"What on earth, madam" he splut-
tered, "do you mean by bringing such
bowling brat into public vehicle?"
1T isn't a bratv' retorted the mother,
with natural indignation. "And If I'm
any judge it doesn't howl half as much
as you did at its age, going by the
looks Of your
The man in gray wriggled uneasily
under the general scrutiny.
'Baby, see the ugly manT' pursued
the infuriated female, pointing at him.
"See the monkey-ponkey, gorilla man
what might take first prize at beau
ty show for the 'orriblest face? Baby,
hush, or the ugly monkey man will''-
But the sentence remained unfinished,
for the man in the gray suit had bolt
ed.-London Graphic.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Heart Disease and Sudden Death.

Heart Disease and Sudden Death.
A man rushing to catch train the
other day fell dead. In this instance
It Is fair to assume that the strain on
a weak heart might fairly be held re-
sponsible. In view of the fierce com.
petition in life and the undue strain to
which the masses of men are subjected
1t is Of the highest Importance that
people known to be affected with heart
disease should exercise the greatest
care as to overtaxing their physical
strength in view Of the danger of sud.
den death, instances of which are SO
common today. 1nasmuch as few peo-
pie are aware of having weak hearts,
q safe rule for all men over forty is to
avoid the perils of haste and undue
strain, as In lifting, rushing, etc. An
other important factor, many people
over forty indulgtng In excessive eat
Ing are In danger of arterio-sclerosis,
or hardening of the arteries, which re-
suits In sudden death from apoplexy,
kidney or heart disease. To sum the
matter up, people over forty must lin
1t their table indulgence and avoid
sudden and undue haste or strain If de-
sirous Of attaining ripe old age
New York Herald. -"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Friday and Fortunes.

Two women who wished to make an
appointment with fortune teller who
was pronounced lust splendid' by
everybody who had patronized her
were advised by the seer to come on
Friday.
THAT Is, If you are not supersthous
about Friday" she said. Most people
are. They regard Friday as such an
unlucky day that they won't even have
their fortune told them for fear they
will hear something unlucky. That is
why l advised you to come on that
day. will have plenty Of time and
won't have to put your cases through
with such rush."-St Louis Repub-
lie.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
An Equinox.

Tommy-Pa, what is an equinox?
Pa-Why-erit is-ahen! For good
ness sake, Tommy, don't you know
anything about mythology at ALL An
equinox was a fabled animal, half
horse, half COW. Its name is derived
from the words equine and OK II
does seem as If these public schools
don't teach children anything now
adaysr"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17

special qualifications Tor The place were
set forth in glowing terms by himself
The governor sent for him and said
graVely, 1T appears from this petition
that you have been In the penitentiary
eight years."
II have" was the reply.
"And during that time you have per-
formed faithfully every duty that has
come in your way to the best of your
ability?' .<-...
II have answered the agent, his
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Two Re4sona.

You mustn't play with MI. Borum's
hat Bobby" said a young lady who
was entertaining caller to her small
brother.
''Why mustn't r. asked the young
Ster.
because you might break It," re-
piled his sister, land, besides, he win
want it shortly" H." 49, I'D
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Surf Birds

That birds Of the family termed surf
birds in the Hawaiian Islands should
leave that paradise Of the Pacific to go
and rear their young in the tundras Of
Alaska would seem to many an ex-
traordinary proceeding, yet the turn
stone and the black bellled plover and
the Pacific golden plover make the
long journey Of about 1000 miles thith-
er annually.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Spurqeon's COMPLAINT

Spurgeon's Complaint.
Mr. Spurgeon once complained that
his deacons were worse than The
devil
"Resist the devil" said he, 'and he
will fly from you, but resist deacon
and he will fly at you"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Greatness.

There is kind Of elevation which
does not depend on fortune. 1t is a
certain air which distinguishes us and
seems to destine us for great things.
1t Is price which we imperceptibly
set on ourselves. By this quality we
usurp the Difference Of other men, and
it puts US, in general, more above them
than birth, dignity or even merit ITSELF
La Rochefoucauld.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
N&uraIized,

An Italian went to the civil service
commissioners rooms to be examined
for laborer's position. He answered
most of the questions correctly. Final
~ they asked him If he had ever been
naturalized. He seemed a bit puzzled,
but at last his face lighted up. "Ah,
know whatas you mean. Scratcha de
arm. Yes, lasta week."
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
An Unsouaht Pardon.

An Unsought Pardon.
Among the stories Of that former
governor Of Texas ramI1arly known
as Sam Houston il more than one
amusing tale. ". s..%
There was a financial agent Of the
penitentiary who had warmly opposed
the election Of Governor Houston, but
was particularly anxious to retain bis
own pleasantly lucrative position. Con-
sequently the new governor was soon
In receipt Of a petition in which the
mans years Of faithful service and
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
A Coincidence.

"1'm afraid, George" said his fiancee,
"that you are going from bad to
worse"
"Quite coincidence" muttered
George. That's what Clara said when
threw her over for you"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
her Great Memory,

The gift Of memory was being dis
cussed when Alice wisely said:
"Nothers got a good memory. She
can remember things a heap further
back than any Of us children CAM
Lippincott's.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Prehistoric.

Little Girl-I've got a father and q
muvver and a grandfather. Old Gent
And how old is yer grandfather? Lit
tie Girl don't know, but we've had
him long time.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Advertised

The speedy way to market product
Is to give it publicity, and the newspa.
per is the medium through which t.
reach all the world.-Waco Timss-Hsr.
aid .1 - l.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Hope.

"There is no sweeter suffering than
hope" So runs an old German prov
erb, melancholy text for hearts that
bitter disappointment has cured and to
whom all hope is but memory.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Then He Stole

Prudent Swain-If 1 were to steal a
kiss, would it scare you so that you
would scream? Timid Maiden Il
couldn't Fright always makes me-
dumb.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
OF a Modern Genius.

"Going to compile his life and let
ters?''
'"There were no letters. I'm going to
compile his life and post cards."-
Washington Herald.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Not Entirely,

Moe Rose-Do you think the automo-
bile is replacing the horse? Joe Cose-
Well, not entirely, anyway. 1 haven't
found automobile in my bologna as
yet.-Browniug's Magazine.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Couldn't Feaze This Ono,

An instance of the careless, good na-
tured philosophy Of the negro may be
seen in the little doggerel verse laugh
hgly sung by black farmer when at
the end Of bad crop year nothing
was coming to him after his supply
bills were paid. He could neither read
nor write; he had no money or chance
Of getting any for another twelve
month, yet apparently there was no
fretting on his part. He took the BAL
ance sheet, which was an utter mys-
terry to him, and, pretending to inspect
it and following the rows Of figures
with eye and finger, he gleefully chant
ed:
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17

courage swiftly rising.
"Then, sir" said the governor, With
the air Of one comforting a priceless
favor, ~ pardon you out"
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17

I have never known q man Of real
ability to be ungrateful.-Goethe.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
"Aught's an aught,
Figger's a fgger.

An muffin fur de nigger!"
Then carelessly he stuffed the bit of
paper into his pocket, "cut the pigeons
wing" and finally walked away to all
appearances with a whimsical enjoy
ment of the fact that his own penniless
condition corroborated the statement
Of his song.-Chicago Record-Herald.
The Bemidji daily pioneer., 1909-12-17
Capital Punishment,

OaPItdI TUTIISEment.
Bride Throwing her arms about the
bridegroom's neck)-You are my pris-
oner for life! Bridegroom-Its not i'm
prisonment for life, love; it's capital
punishment.-Sydney Town and Coun-
Try Journal.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16
ads and News.

By force of importance or novelty an
advertisement may become the news of
the day. When the New York Ledger
was wagering on the brink of failure
Robert Bonner, the proprietor, sent to
the New York Herald brief adver-
tisement, to be set up in a single line
So .Greeleyesque was Mr.. Bonner s hand
writing that the advertising manager
interpreted the directions as ordering
that the copy be run in full page, which
instructions he obeyed, though marvel
ing greatly. The Herald came out the
next morning with one whole page de-
voted to the crisp adjuration to read the
Ledger's new story. The effect upon
Mr.. Bonner was almost fatal. first from
chagrin at the thought of the possible
bill, then from amazement as subscrip-
lions began to pour in. and finally from
satisfaction, as they continued to flood
the office, until the fortune of the publ
cation was made. The novel; though
device had struck the public
fancy. Mr.. Bonner was hailed as the
pioneer of a new and daring theory of
exploitation, and the advertisement
gained tenfold currency by being com
mented upon as a feature Of the news
Samuel Hopkins Adams in Collier s.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16
The First Man Behind a Mask.

In 1917 Thayer, the Harvard captain.
tried to induce one Tying good allround
player, to catch behind the bat. Tying de
INJURED. He had some regard for his life
and his manly beauty. he said: he'd be
doggoned and several other things if he'd
go in there without any protection for his
face. One day as Tlfayer stood in the
gymnasium chewing on his troubles, his
eye lit on fencer carrying a mask 1t
was falling apple for Thayer. He Dor
rowed the mask, put it on. and caught a
few balls eXperimentally. He found that
the wire covering over the eyes was an OBJ
stacle to perfect technique. So he took
the mask to tinsmith and asked him to
cut out eyeholes, large enough for a man
TO see and small enough to obstruct a
baseball. The tinsmith, who played himself.
had something better to offer Why not a
made like fencing mask, but
with wide, firm mesh? They trimmed
and tinkered until they had built on the
frame of the fencing mask a thing which
Yale opponents. in the
.eries which followed, called a 'birdeage."
But the professionals saw it, the sporting
FOODS stores took it up and improved it.
md it came to pass that a man could
atch without danger of twisted nose.-
VIII Irwin. in Golfers for May 10.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16
Game Ranching in New England.

There is a rare chance for game ranch
ing on the abandoned farms of New Eng
land. says the Amateur Sportsman. Here
the ruffed grouse, Familiarity called part
ridge" and the wild turkey. the dusky
duck, wood duck and woodcock should be
staples.
There are Other reasons thesides the
losses due to vermin) why the grouse and
other birds vanish rapidly, which are as
well known to scientists as the fact that
ducks will desert neighborhood when
the marshes are drained
The destruction of the natural covers
and foods of the grouse has been going on
for wears until in some places a grouse
could not possibly live through the win
ter even if shooting be prohibited One
of the best winter foods of the prairie
and sharp-tailed grouse Is the wild rose.
The red rose tips are easily seen and OBJ
tanned above the snow and when the
grouse were abundant two varieties of
the wild rose were also abundant and
there were many fields of wild sunflowers
and other natural foods for the grouse
The bonanza wheat farm, with its closely
titled fields and its wire fences. affords
neither food for the grouse nor shelter
from its enemies.
1t would be an easy matter TO restore
the wild roses and the sunhowers and
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16

other foods for the grouse; to provide
grass for their nests and to look after
them in winter and control their natural
enemies, and there can be no doubt but
that at present prices, and at those likely
to prevail for many years, grouse ranchlng
can be made fully as profitable as wheat
growing and it is important to note that
prairie grouse and wheat can be made
plentiful on the same ground and that the
grouse will also prosper on cattle and
sheep ranges, as they prospered on the
buffalo range long ago, and as the red
grouse now thrives with the sheep on the
moors of Scotland.
1t would be safe to start grouse ranch
in any state. | believe, since it will take
a year or two to make the birds abundant
and in this time common sense legislation
will make its appearance without doubt.
A sensible state game officer should treat
a grouse ranch as a scientific experiment
and should grant permit to its owner to
take his birds for scientific purposes I'M
der existing laws authorizing the issuing
of such permits. What could be more
scientific than to show that the people
can be fed with the delicious grouse rear
ed in a wild state as an additional crop
on many farms under one management 80
far as the game Is concerned
The details of grouse and other game
rearing will be discussed more at length
by capable writers. in The Amateur
Sportsman. who will discuss the food hab-
its and the natural enemies of each spe-
cies
The rearing and care of grouse and other
game also viii be discussed in our series
Of plain talks with the farmer boys
about game.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16

boy. 1t was supposed to be just what
he needed. He was to be rammed into
heaven IKE a charge INTO gun. Ii he
didn't brace up and look smiling he was
a stiff-necked and rebellious people. And
then they gave him another dose of blue
ruin Tor good measure. Fear was eX-
pressed in his hearing that he was predes-
tined to be damned. Nobody could state
definitely but it was thought very likely.
A neighbours baby who became disguised
at the outlook and died too soon to be
baptized was preached into the bottom
less pit by the officiating sanctited Phari-
see, amid the groans and lamentations of
the parents. All this convinced the boy
that his was hopeless case, and so, on
the principle of nothing to lose and every
thing to gain he planned to be herse-
thief, bandit or member of the leglsa
ture.
ne country church is conducted on diff
ferent principles in these later days The
percentage of the saved or of those of
whom there is hope Is continually grow
ing larger. Unregenerated babes are
thought to have a fighting chance. Hell
can't be located on the map. The minis
ter does not wade in the blood of the lost,
and there is no aroma of birthstone around
the communion table. Sensible, encour-
aging and helpful sermons are the rule.
The preacher doesn't talk long after he
has nothing to say. He is a man among
men, imbued with the idea that his mis-
sion Is to make lives happier, better,
sweeter, more helpful. more courageous
more manly and womanly. fit to meet the
final change with satisfaction with work
well done and confidence in the great fu-
ture of humanity. He breaches hope and
love and peace, the brotherhood of man
and the fatherhood of God.
This is the church of our childhood re-
deemed from the blasphemous pit in
which it grovelled for generations. until
today it stands for the brotherly Christ.
1t is a pleasant. home-like place today,
where the boy and all the family can be
and instructed and entertained
and re-created. There is nothing dreadful |
about it now. There is real music, flow
ers, tasteful adornments. frequent and |
entertainments, good library |
md no devil about the premises. There
ire comprehensive sermons without a |
'care in them. Everywhere is an air of
lopefulness and fellowship and fraternity
md welcome and good will. 1t Is the
weekly gathering place of all those of the
Gathers children who. as one family, wish
ence in Him, knitted together in the
Donds of reverence and affection.
The churches of our childhood in some
gay graduated innumerable hosts of the
randest men and women that the world
yer knew. but they came up through
eep affliction and under grievous bur
en-. Those who lived through it We're
ldeed the elect.-l1ardwick Gazette.
The Brattleboro reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1907-1912, 1909-07-16
CHURCH NOTICES.

Unitarian church, Rev. E. Q. S. Osgood
pastor. Services every Sunday at 1890
Sunday school at Has. Theme for next
Sunday: The New Puritanism. All are
welcome.
The Universalist church. Rev. D. f.
Trout pastor. Public worship at 1870
a. M, with sermon by the pastor: text,
Cen 3l:49. Sunday school, ll.45 a. m,
Everyone welcome. Preaching service at
Guilford Centre, 3 p. m.
The Sunday morning service of First
Church of Christ, Scientist, at 1915 Sub
iect. Life The Wednesday evening tes-
timonial meeting at AS. The reading
room is open Tuesday, Thursday and Sat
urday afternoons from to o'clock All
are welcome. Emerson building, Elliot
street.
Centre Congregational church. Rev.
Roy NJ. Houghton, pastor, 10.45 a. m,
Divine Worship subject, The Gospel of
Good Cheer; special offering for the Con-
gregational Education society. Has
a. M. Sunday school. This Friday evening
at 7.45 devotional service in the chapel;
topic, The Wear of Worry and It's Cure.
Everybody welcome.
Methodist church, Elliot street. Rev.
NJ III. Sharples, pastor, 50 High street.
Morning worship, 1890; subject, Naaman,
the Leper. Sunday school, y m. Ep-
worth League, $50 p. m; topic, Fear
fulness in Security: leaders, Mrs. NJ. III.
Sharples and Miss Clara Spaulding. Glass
meeting. Tuesday evening, 7.45; leader,
s. M. Yeaw. Church Prayer meeting,
Friday evening, AS.