Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-11-25

| A blue bottle fly whiazed and butted
| his head against the walls, and
| through the open easement hummed
the traffic OF the busy little town.
Nothing could have been more ex-
pressive OF triumph and delight than
the face OF the quack. Whenever his
feelings were particularly bland and
expansive, he had way Of taking the
ends of his enormous moustache and
twirling them between his spatulate
thumbs and fingers. He did this now
and twisted them until the coarse hairs
could be heard grating against each
other
Well. WE'LL" he said, 80 you could
not resist the temptation? Ha! ha!
ha! No wonder It's not every young
fellow behind the pp-plow- tail that
has a fortune thrust under his nose
Shows your good sense. I was right
l always am. I knew you were too
bright a man to hide your light under
half b-b-b -bushel Of village like that.
In those seventy nine towns, all the
sap dries out Of men, and before they
are 40 they begin to rattle around like
peas in p-p-uod. In such places
young men are never anything but
milk sops, and old men anything but
BIB bald headed infants! You needed
to see the world. young man. You re-
| quired teacher You have put your
self into good hands, and II you stay
with me you shall wear dd-dia :
| monds"
whatever the results may be, l
y Int ioaI 70 hn rny{-
ment," said David, struggling his
| shoulders.
Right you are. But what BIB
brought you round? You were as stiff
as a ramrod when I left you"
circumstances over which I had no
control, and which I want to forget as
soon as possible. My old life has end
ed and l have come to seek a new
one"
"A new life? That's good. Well
we will show it to you, P-P-Pepeeta
and I. We will show YOU"
The sooner the better. What am
I to do?"
Not so fast! There are times when
1t Is better to gggo slow, as the snail
said to the lightning We must make
a BIB bargain"
DO as you please. All ask Is Il
chance to put my foot upon the first
round Of the ladder and II I do not get
to the top, l shall not hold you respon-
sible." David replied, dropping the
"thees" of his Quaker life, in his de-
termination to divest himself of all its
customs as rapidly as he could.
HI. hi There's fire in the flint,
Good thing. You take me on the right
side, D-D-Davy. I'll do the square
thing by you-see IL Id don't. Let's
have a drink. Bring the bottle, Pc
peeta!"
She went to the mantel and return
ed with a flask and two glasses. The
quack filled them both and passed one
TO David. 1t was the first time in his
life that he had ever even smelt an
intoxicant. He recoiled little; but
having committed himself to his new
life, he determined to accer| all that
1t involved. He lifted the fiery potion
to his lips, and drank.
Hot, Is It, my SON." cried the doc
tor, laughing uproariously at his wry
face. You Quakers drink too much
water! Freezes inside Of you and tt
turns you into what you might call
two-p-p-pronged icicles. Give me men
with red blood in their veins! And
there's nothing makes BIB blood red
like strong liquors."
The whisky revived the courage and
loosened the tongue Of the youth The
repugnance which he had instructive
ly felt for the vulgar quack began to
mellow into admiration. He asked and
answered many questions.
What part am l to take in this
business" he asked.
What part are you to take in the
business? That's good, Never put off
till tomorrow what you can d ID do
o-day.' Business first and then pleas
ure' The soul Of business is dispatch
These are good notices, my lad.
learned them from the wise men; but
II I had not learned them, l should
have invented them. What's your PIP
part Of the business says you: listen!
You are to be its m-m- -mouthpiece.
That tongue OF yours must wag like
the tail Of a dd-dog; turn like
weather-vane; hiss like a serpent. drip
with honey and poison. be tipped with
tales, and every tale must sell a bottle
OF panacea!"
He paused, and looked rapturously
upon the face Of his pupil.
This panacea-has 1t merits? VIII
1t really cure?" asked David.
The doctor laughed long and loud
Has II merits? Will 1t really cure?
Ho! no! Is thy bite good for the BIB
bachache? said the sick mouse to the
cat What difference does II make
whether IL will cure or not? Success
in BIB business Ia not based upon the
quality Of the m m merchandise, my
son."
Upon what, then?" said David.
Upon the follies, tho weaknesses
and the p-p-passions Of mankind!
Since time began. universal panacea'
has been a sure source OF wealth. II
makes no difference what the panacea
is, II you only have the b-b-brains to
fool the people. There are only two
kinds of people in the world. my SON
the fools and ff-foolers!"
Even whisky could not make David
listen to this cold blooded avowal
without q shudder. The keen eye OF
the quack detected 1t; but instead Of
adulterating his philosophy, he doubled
his dose.
"shocks you. does III You will g-g-
get over that We are not angelsl We
are emily msA Remember what cid