The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-07-04

fore you start and then you don't have to
start because he is already licked. This
is a system that works like a reversible
cuff. It's mostly done by making mo-
tons and some loud talk and then jerk
ing a couple of made-in-Germany Dread
noughtS an extra army corps into
sight the same as a conjurer taking white
rabbits out of a hat. When another ma
ton does that little bit of parlor magic.
these times, and then looks around for
the Britisher who composed the audi
ence, there's only audiences umbrella,
his portable bath tub and his travelling
shawl lying on the ground where he
dropped 'em. He's up at the top of the
nearest tree signaling for help in loud
tone of voice.
i've learned how the stunt was done
just by watching our friend, the Kaiser
, He's the lad that turned the trick orig
inally and having found how easy it was
! the first time, he now responds to an en-
| core every time he thinks he'd enjoy the
| sight of his esteemed nephew, Edward
| G. Rex, giving a spirited imitation of a
dirigible balloon on its way up.
Il don't know any particular reason
why the English should fear the Ger
mans. They've been good neighbors and
customers in the past and freely patron
lied each other The English in particu-
lar were very patronizing. It's national
trait of theirs when dealing with out
siders. The Germans went to England
for wooden cloth and the patterns of their
walking shoes, and the English relied
/ upon the Germans to furnish them with
their royal family and other neces-
stiles. You'd think that any country
that you'd been looking to for a couple
of hundred years for your kings wouldn't
seem dangerous because it had enlarged
its navy by the addition of a couple of
dozen more floating grain elevators or
added on a few thousand more soldiers
any of whom would a heap rather be
back home at Bingen-on- the Rhine smok-
ing a pipe that looked like a queensware
saxaphone and holding one Of his domes-
tic cheeses under his arm to rpen it.
than marching around the country with
his chest all showed out, toting heavy
hardware rifle that might prove actually
! dangerous if loaded and discharged
Besides, the German as a marksman
is not particularly dangerous, except to
himself and friends. If he prefers to
drink his beer outdoors with a green uni
form on, he may belong to a German
| target club and frequently does; but
never heard of any perfect score being
made at Schutzenfust except on the
bung in the keg. That's bulls eye
every time The Hesslan, our ancient
foe, excels in certain indoor sports, such
as pinoehle, bowling and suicide by gas !;
but he's no little Johnny Baker or Young
Buffalo Bill when it comes to breaking
glass balls with Winchester repeater
There never was a Wurtemburger yet
that wouldn't rather sing at you than
shoot at you; his work is more necessa-
: rily fatal that way The German is a
| fighter, but he'd rather not fight If he
doesn't have to. He'd rather refer it to
I the committee on rules and while waiting
| for them to report sit down comfortably
somewhere and have little Kummel and
sing Och du Lieber Augustin, two or
! three hundred times. And 1 don't blame
him either. He's a good guy.
But at the mere sight of the German
Kaiser taking his fleet out of his pant S
pockets and trying it on his thumb to
see If it was keeping it's edge properly,
the whole blooming British nation just
| gave one convulsive shrek and scared
! aioft At last accounts 1t was 5000 feet
up and still going Recorded tempera.
| ture 103 tongue badly furred; eyes wild
/ and rolling; patient nervous and highly
excitable. The drum-beat and the tweed
suit of that proud race have been heard
1 around the world for century, but
we're just now finding out the English
! make their fastest time when the pace
| maker is behind instead of in front-ant
carrying club.
1T sheds strong light, Larry, on Q
phase of the British character that would
have been worth great deal to us G
hundred and thirty odd years ago if wee
only known about it at the time. If oul
information had been then what 1t is now
we could have dispensed with the Boston
| Tea Party where we struck vital blow
at the very roots of English society ant
English institutions by upsetting some
tea; and also the Battle of Lexington anc
other expensive Injuries of the period.
"A cultivated German accent and G
large sudden bluff would undoubtedly
have done the trick and George Wash
ington would have had country to b.
the father of eight or ten years. earlier
than he did. 1t was shame to use oul
fists on them, Larry. and l don't mint
coming right out and acknowledging 1t
even at this late day."
Dye think, like some people does, tina
England is an expirin country" asked
the House Detective. -
"well, If she ever does expire, it'll prov,
that those who live by the bluff, die bs
the bluff" said the Hotel Clerk.
HOTEL JEFFERSON
Special 18th of July Sunday