davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
The Only SAFE WAY.

No. | cant stay any longer h.
said, with determination.
What difference does an hour or So
make now" asked a member of the
party. Your wife will be In bed and
asleep, and if she wakes M she won't
know what time II Is.
quite right. quite right he re
turned. Il can fool my wife almost
any time AZ long rs | get home before
breakfast, Why. I've gone home when
the sun was up. kept The blinds shut
lit the gas and made her thiuk that il
was little after T.. But, gentlemen
| cnu'l fool the baby | can make The
room as dark is please hut Il Non
make the baby sleep Il minute late
than usual and when she wakes III
hungry il comes pretty close To beins
morning, ana my wife knows ii. cen
tlcmen" he added a. he bowed him
self out, 1 make ii Il rule 10 get hom
before the baby wakes It's the onl'
safe WAY"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
FLOWERS OF SPEECH.
An EnsIishman's Address al Ladies'
Seminary In Siam


The Influential Englishman in Sian.
fattered himself that he had q very
decent knowledge Of the language and
was ready to do great things. lie had
already ordered coffee from his hoteI
waiter with success and asked the
boy to bring up his boots.
Now. Influential Englishnen in
Siam are not as common as cock
reaches. and thai afternoon the dis
tiDguished visitor was requested BY
friend 10 deliver an address on
England at the only ladies' sem
mary IN the country Confidently h,
accepted
He began famously. Every one ap-
Dlauded and smiled But gradually rs
he proceeded he noticed consternat ton
oyerspreading the countenanccs of his
listeners
Wv hats the troube:" he whispered
in English anxiouslY 10 his friend on
the platform
Trouble" exclaimed The friend hoi
y. Why. the trouble IS what you
are saying
But protested the speaker Il am
saying, 1 am delighted to see so MANY
young ladies rising to intellectual
heights. with line brains and large
appreciation. 3"
"Oh. no, you're not, corrected the
friend. You're saying, 4 am pleased
10 see so many small lionesses grow
ing large and fat. with big noses and
huge feet" London Tit Bits
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
JANUARY 20. 1909
"DISiN6ENU0US

The recent controversy between
President Roosevelt and Senator Till
man has probably added to the popn-
lar vocabulary a new word, aud here
after if We wish TO eall a man down we
won't say he lies, bnt thnt he is dis.
ingenious
The fact seems to be TINT Senator
1illman had said that he had not mn
dertaken" to buy Government lnnd
on account of certain knowledge he
had az senator The word "nndei-
taken has two meanings The popr-
lar one means ''to attempt. F." The
usual or technical meaning il .to en-
ter into the covenants or to ugrce in
writing" And the Senator saws he
used the word i'll the latter sense So
that the fact is while he did moi tell
m untruth he dId tell the truth with
intent 10 deceive This is most com
mon evil, III business, III politics and
society, Lots of men probably do the
same thing every day of their lives
occupying high aud respected posi-
tious.
II the publicity of all the fncis IN
this case can help to correct the great
evil the controversy will hive done nm
immense amount Of good
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
N atural Kindness.

AT an out OF the way railroad June.
ton a traveller found himself hungry.
but with only two minutes to spare
before his train left. I'll TAKE cup
Of coffee he said to the Young We
man In change OF the restaurant I've
no time for anything else
YOU can take all the tine you want.
sir. said the young woman cordially
You look at this bin Of fare, and III
telephone To- the superintendent to de
lay the train little while.
why. can that be done asked tn,
traveller IN amaZemeut.
certainly" said the Young woman
"Of course 1t can. lis II branch road
and no other train coming or coins
over il today. and the superintendent
would want you Ia have II good meal
lie owns this restaurant Youth
tonpa Mon
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
RAILROAD STORIES.
Tho Man Who Paid the Conductor and
the Name on the Ticket


All old time travelling man vas talk-
ing Of experiences Of former days on
The road Frequently. said This tra,-
eler. 4 journeyed 10 Cincinnati. The
fare from my city 10 hat place was
then about So saved something
10y handing the conductor 81 in cash.
one day there was an excursion. and
| bought Al round trip ticket for 81 -
or $l.J0--lYe forgotten the exact
amount, but that circumstance need
not cripple this story. When | handed
this ticket to the conductor as he tore
off the return coupon he looked at me
and in II voice bctraying how deeply
lie was hurt he remarked My young
friend, don't you know that can af-
ford to haul you much cheaper than
this company cam
ton another occasion, when in chi
cage. a colored man met me at the en-
trance Of the station, asked me where
| was going and offered To sell me II
ticket for 81. The ticket was to Louis
vile, but was only going 10 Indian
apolis. Cheap enough.
When the conductor c;imr along to
take up my ticket he asked me my
name. II was usual to write ones
name on the ticket in the presence of
the conductor told him my name
was on the ticket He grihncd as he
handed ii back and asked me to look
mt it and say if that was my name.
looked. The name on the ticket WAS
Mary Flaherty.' He grinned again.
somewhat Sarcastically. bur he took
the ticket" Pittsburg Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
pFNNsYL wanna RAILROAD
Bulletin.
1uF STEEL COACH TRAVEL SAFEGUARD

-, nz,,,,onia Railroad now has Ill operation vi It's
lines east of Pittsburgh over two huhofeo tol
; caps baggage cars and mail cars OF the ne"
type. r 41,ao oorc DESIGNED to
asist shock and minimize the dangers OF eoAsio 10
tranothened by the steel sheang enclosing the pooS vi e
IN fact everything about the coach IS steel save 'ie
, frames the cushions Of the seats ana the foorlie.
s LITTLE woodwork as enters into the makeup OF the
h the nlnsh with which the seats are covered anu
b ba, with which they are stuffed is treated TO hre
oofng process whilst the floors are cement thus feoef
mo The coach al once practically ndestiueele ana tof-
oughjv freproot is built like battlesmp
The new coach longer than the standard car general
~ IN; ,se on the railroads of this country and has com
Portable seating capacity Of sixty tonnetH people according
to the style OF the coach
The unusual weight OF the coaches give TO them soil
div that greatly increases the comfort OF the passenger
The seats are adjusted convenient space and
angle the coaches are all lighted with electricity and amply
ventilated in winter well as summer by new ana THOR
oughIy tested methods.
The interior finish of the coach is plain though pleasing
IL the eve The absence of ornamentaton enhances the
idea of strength and at the time assures absolute
cleanliness and thorough sanitation.
Steel ears are the principal trains between
New York Philadelphia Washington and on the main Line
between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh The number OF cars
from the shops.
The Pennsylvania Railroads equipment is recognized
as the Standard Of America
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
The SPLITTING Habit.
Newark all

The citizens Of Trenton should
authorities in their endeavor to put a
stop to splitting ON the sidewalks and
on the floors of public buildings. Com.
plant ia made ta the health lepait
ment almost daily OF the filthy cond-
ton of the sidewalks Mt points where
idle men congresaie Fortunately,
fashion has changed the length of
skirts worn by women, and fewer Iii.
sease germs are swept into the homes
OF the city now than formerly. But
1t ~ not II pleasant sight Ia see the
sidewalk botcbed with spittle, and
the person who protests against spit
ting on these highways of the peaes
trim has the right to do 80, hccnnsc
the thing that oncnds him il an often
se against the law State Gazette,
Not only should there be u vigorous
protest against the sidewalk splitter.
but also that representative class who
smoke, chew and spit on the hoor of
the meat market, grocery stores. and
even down the hot-nir reristcrs
The grocers sell tobacco and cigars as
accommodation, and it is in no why
reasonable for those who use the weed
to expect that they have the right 10
III the store with smoke and expeetor
ate upon the floor. The practice is
offensive to many, especially LADIES'.
VINO constitute large majority of the
customers Anticipating signs should
be placed IN all places where food
stuiis are kept for sale.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Only u little cold in the head may be the
beginning of an obstinate case of Nasal Ca
tarrh Drive ont the invader with Ely's Cream
Balm applied straight TO the infamed stuffed
mp air-passages. Price zoe If YOU prefer to use
AN atomi2er. ask for Liquid Cream Balm. II
has all the good qualities of the solid form OF
this remedy and will rid you of catarrh or hay
fever No cocaine to breed dreadful habit
No mercury to dry ont the secretion. Price
ssc.. with spraying tube. All druggists, OF
mailed by Ely Bros, Sc Warren ST.. New York
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
RIP VAN WlNKLE.

klp Van Winklc returned from his
long sleep looking fresh as a daisy and
made ms way to the village barber
shop, not only because he needed a
shave and haircut, bu, also because he
wished to catch up on the news
Lets see" said he to the barber
after he was safely tucked in The chair
I've been asleep 70 years, haven't I?o
Yep" replied the tonsorialis,
Have | missed much2s
Nope, we bin standin pat
Has Congress done ANYTHING veta"
Not thing.
Jerome done an,thlnga"
Nope
plat resigned
Nope
Panama Canal hulr7"
Nope
Bryan been elected
"Nope."
Carnegie poor2'
Nope
"Well, say, said Rip, rising up in
the chair, 'never mind shaving the
other side of my face. I'm going back
to sleep again
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
The Influence of Bath

Is there amy town in the world that
has So imposed Itself ~ much as Bath
upon the life and language of che ma
lion For SEINE there are Bath buns,
for others Bath divers. and the mill
TAM ladies who find the buns too soft
may throw Bath bricks at office or
other windows II they disapprove OF
the Bath chaps, When we become IN
firm II is he Bath chair we seek And
that Thousand wears Of the middle
ages "without "A bath" seems naW her
rlbe loudon Chronicle
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
lust Suited Him.

"Nilss lanSy. yo' suhtingly has got
we'll Developed aims. 81 Won pahdon
ma savin So
"Ah developed dem aims workin
ovah lie washtub, Mistah Rufus"
I'm UNI at Miss ransy. will yo
be ma wife, Denver Post
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

others are not" said WILDER Take
Dawson. for instance He Is wedd.L
To his work
mol now, said lllekenleopor He's
been divorced"
"Divorced9 What do You mean"
asked WILDER
lie WAS bounced last saturday"
said Hlekcnlooper lippincott's
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

IT'S ALWAYS BAD.
The Best of Backs arc Bad When They
Ache and the Lambertville People
Know II.

A bad back is always bad.
Bad at night when bedtime comes,
lust as bad in the morning.
Ever try Doan's Kidney Pills Tor 1t;
Know they cure hackache cure
every kidney ill2
lfvou don't, some I.ambertvllle PEG
pie do.
Read a case OF 1t:
G. A. Price, retired. ~ Deleyan St, Lambert
Vile, n. j., says: MY back caused me a grea
deal of suffering and l was also annoyed
greatly by the disordered conditions of my
kidneys. The kidney secretions at times
passed so frequently rs to force me TO arist
often during the night and were attended
with pain when being voided. | procured
Deans Kidney Pills at Geo. NJ Shamaha'
drug store and am happy to state that since
taking them my rest has not been disturbed
and the pains have left my back. | Civ,
Deans Kidney Pills the credit for this grea
Improvement
For sale by all dealers Price SC
cents. Foster ilburn Co., Buffalo
New York. sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-Doans ant
take no other.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
DIRECTORS
DO i0u Open Your Mouth


Like YOUNG Htd and gHlp de~n What
ever food OF medicine may be offered you?
Or, do you am to know something oil the
composition aud character of that which
you take into your stomach whether a.
food or medicine?
Most intelligent and sensible people
nowadays insist on knowing what they
employ whether as food or as medicine
DR.. Pierce believes they have Il perfect
right TO INSIST upon such knowledge So he
publishes %1aadeast and on each bottle
wrapper, what medicines are made Of
and ve,i fes iy1hder-eaiO This be feels
he can wNlIAfford TO DO beca use La more
The Ilgredlsnts Of which his medicines
are made are studied and derSto0d Tie
InoTe viii thelT Superlof clrative virtues
Be alI1cI1I-I.
For the cure Of woman's peculiar weak
nesses, irregularities ard arrangements.
giving rise to frequent headaches. back
ache. dragging-d0wn pain or distress ia
lower abdominal or pelYic region. accom-
panied, Outlines. with u facilitating.
pelvic, catarrhal drain and kindred symp-
toms of weakness. DR. pierce's Fayorite
Prescription Is a most efficient remedy
II Is equally elective in curing painful
| periods. in giving strength Ia nursing
mothers and in preparing the system OF
| the eNpectant mother for haby'~ coming
| thus rendering childbirth safe and com
| paratiYely painless. The rFav0rite Pre-
scription IS a most potent strengthening
| tonic TO the general system and TO the
| organs distinctly feminine in particular
! 1T y also soothing and nyigoratinp
| nerVlne and cure nervous exhaustion
| nervous prostratiou neuralgia. hVSteria
| spasms, ehorea on 81 NituS's dance and
other distressing nervous symptoms al
tendant upon functional and organic dis
eases OF the distinctly feminine organs.
host q medical authorities Of an t6o
! several schools u practice. recommend
each OF the several ingredients OF which
"faNorite Prescription is made for the
cure Of the disease, Tor " hieh il Is claimed
TO be Il cure You may read whnt they
say fot golHSeit tY sending postal card
request Tor fete bseklet Of eAtrueis
from the leading authorities. 10 nr. r. y
Pierce. luNald> ltotet aud Surgical In.
stitGte, Buffalo \ y amt IL will come "a
you by Return pH~f
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
SALES AGENT WANTED.

To act as Agent in selling our high grade
Dress Goods, Silks and Waistings which al
most sell themselves. We carry a large line
of beautiful fabrics and our prices are low
and patterns exclusive. ANY woman of aver
age ability can earn 5000 or more weekly
handling our line. Ii you are dissatisfied
with present employment, write us for partie-
uars OF our liberal commission offer. Nc
Capital required Samples and sample cast
FREE. Address Dept 10, National Dress
Goods Co. 40 West Broadway, New York, \
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

In his address to the State Agricul
tural Society in the Assembly Cham
Der on Wednesday afternoon, Gov
Fort said: 81 was born on iarm,
lived on farm until was twenty one
years old, and if.my wife will consent.
I will soon be living on farm again, :"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
SNORING.
One of the Evils We Acquire With
Our Civilization


Our Civilization.
Ii is Il truism that no one ever heard
of Il snoring savage. In fact, If the
Wild man OF the woods and plains does
not sleep quietly he RIMS the risk Of
being discovered by his enemy. and
the scalp of The snorcr would soon
adorn the belt OF his crafty and more
quietly sleeping adversary With civ
ilizalion. however, we hive changed
all this. The impure air Of our sleep
ing rooms induces all manner Of ca
tarrhai affections. The NASAL passages
are the 1lrSl TO become Affected In
stead Of wnrming the inspired air on
Its way to the lungs and removin.
from ii the dangerous impurities with
which IL is loaded The nose bcco,aes
obstfucted. 4 part Of the air enters
and escapes by the mouth The veil
of thu palate Hibrates between the two
currents thai through the mouth and
The one 5iill passing through liz par
TALLY closed Hostfils Hike i torn sail
IN the wind The Snorf. Then. means
thai The sleeper's mouth is partially
open. that his hose is partially closed
and that his lungs are in danger from
the mir not being properly warmed
and purified From the continued op
Grafton Of these causes the Increase
of impure air In sleeping rooms and
permitting habtral snorcrs 10 escape
killing and scalping some scientist +
has predicted thai In the future al T
men and all women, too Will snore
II goes along with decay of the teeth
and badness. Health
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
London on American Clothes

Observes the London Chronicle: In
London the man who demands respect
has his clothes made for him. But no
or near II buys anything but store
clothes And the ready made clothes
are so standardized that YOU have but
to confess Your iuches and You are
clothed IN America
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
LICENSE NOTICE.

Notice is hereby gwen that Johnson War
ford. Will apply al the regular meeting, OF
Board of Excise Commissioners. which Will be
held in the Council room On Tuesday evening
February md, 1900 AZ :. 20 O'clock, Tor an Inn
and Tavern license. ~ Nos ~ and - Bridge
street in the Gins Of lamheriV Vile
JAMES II. REYNOLDS
city CLERK
Dated. ambertyihe. \ J.. Ian 18th. ieo9
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
ANNUAL MEETING.

The Annual Meet,ng Of Barber Eurying
Ground Association nj which each lot owner
will have an opportunity 10 vote will be held
Mt the residence of David W Hoppock, corner
Jefferson and George SITS, lambertvile, y
J.. saturday, January 30th, Al 10 O'Clock \ VI
Two trustees to be elected
81 IoHN W. SMITH, See u.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

President Roosevelt IS expected to
catch alive an oryx, a keene-boc and a
kahan- fhey are larger than mosqu-
toes and less than elephants and fur
Their We know nothing about them.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
An Eternal One.

Tough Looking Customer-fm tired
of this blamed town, and I'm going to
leave H. want the longest journey |
can gel for 10 cents.
Ticket Seller-Go and spend II for
chloroform. Chicago Tribune
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
The Entomoloaist's Boon.

Professor ito his aged cook You
have now been twenty-five wears In
my service. Regina. As reward for
;our fidelity | have determined TO
name he bug recently discovered
after H,iu Fliegende Rlatier
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Notice is hereby given that Edward j. Coli
gan, will apply al the regular meeting, OF
Board ot Excise Commissioners, which viii he
held in the Council room. on Tuesday evening
fehruary End. 1909 AZ s.3n O'clock, for n saloor
License, NJ M Z, South Main street IN tbs
Glly OF amhcriyille. ...,.,4.,,
City CLERK
palcal. lnmhertAllle. y j Jan lath leo..
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
LICENSE NOTICE.

Notice is hereby gwen that Walter I Ennis,
will apply nj III" regular meeting. OF board Of
Excise Comm ssioner~, which viii he helu III
Council reom on Tuesday evening, February
End lsa, az 80 O'Clock, for Inn and Tavern
License AZ Nos 81 and g Bridge street IN The
civ of Lamhertvillc. ..,.,.,...,
city Clerk
Dated l.amhertville, y. j Jan 18Th, l'sa
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

What lave You done To build mp the
town.
In the years OF vout 1hots. N days of
rehowtt.
lie question thli Yen henld be askcd
by men,
Is what You have been Doing here and
how, and Whcn5
What arc You leaving yetu Children
here
A lew acres oil lind mud some moneycd
geal,
Ie waste OF Il 'asnre As the, ma, md
III.
And nothing TO show IN the end Tor
it,
No. That doesn't pa, There's more
to be got
From the treasure that fortune has
gwen your lot.
Build up the town Yon have grown
rs II grew;
Add 10 IT'S growth aud IT will do honor
10 you
Newark Call
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Illinois leads the country in the num-
hel OF divorces and also claims to have
more happy wives. This seems a non.
sequiter
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Secure contentmen, through tn e
happy medium OF "Lamhertville
Pun Insis, ON having the genuine,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Nine millions were spent IN San
Francisco relief and a big surplus turn
ed over to the Hospitals Who says
this is a selfish World.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
OUT OF THE GINGER JAR

The hot Argument box should he
kept ma eeol place
lhe temperate IN eating arc seldom
forced to ride nieh,msres
One can tell a Tree by lis bark, hu, it
is difficult 10 tell dog by lis bite
What trade should he recommended
TO short person. irocer (stow. snD
Anybody can ind ont how 10 make
money merely by paving WISH To the
mint
\ man has 10 work harder 10 he
poor farmer than he does To be L
good one
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

a Western man who has come into
a fortune seems to have acquired some
wisdom also-he is afraid to goto New
York
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20
LICENSE NOTICE.

Notice Is hereby given that Jennie savage
Excise commissioners which will be held IN
tile Council room on Tuesday evening Feb
ruary End. lga. Mt 80 o'clock fer an Inn and
Tavern license at the North East Corner of
Nam and York streets, iii the city al Lam
hcrtvilie
JAMES II REYNOLDS,
City Clerk
Dated I.ambettviile Jan 18th. isoa
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-20

Speak with contempt Of 40 rEn
Every one hath u tender sense of rep.
utatioa Burton