The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1909-05-06
rATS DROVE him TO DRINK
VIZ. PAT FITZSIMMONS FOUND
Is or THEM TOO MANY
In n Three Room Tenement With the wife
Protecting Them-He Drowned Him.
self In Alcohol So He Couldn't SEQ
Them and m Missus Has Him Punched

vi "a S~>
Them and the Missus Has Him Punched
Cats observed Mr.. Patrick Fitz-
simmons yesterday morning in the Gates
avenue police court in Brooklyn, lis all
right for them as likes en-
II one we're to infer from this exordiun
that Mr.. Fitzsimmons does not like cats
he would not be far from the truth. Mr.
rtzsimmons's presence in the Gates
avenue court was only indirectly due &c
his dislike Of cats. The direct cause was
MIR. Fitzsimmons. Cats were not men.
toned in the complaint against Mr.. Fitz-
II They were brought out in the
evidence.
Mr.. Fitzsimmons, to get to the point
appeared in court on complaint OF Mrs.
Fitasimmons, who alleged that he had
become a common drunkard. MI. Fitz-
simmons replied that it was no such
thing that as Il matter OF fact he was
IN drunkard. But his wife
insisted that her husband had become
, 30 attached to the Flagon that she could
No longer put mp with It,. She desired that
Magistrate Furlong should find in the
majesty of the law some remedy.
In court Mr.. Fitzsimmons, who lives
at 81 Kosciusko street, had an oppsr-
tunity to explain the quality
Of his drunkenness. He lost no time in
blaming it on the cats.
Cats" remarked Mr.. Ftzsimmons,
as heretofore recorded. 'is all right for
Them as likes 'em. But fifteen Of ems
TOO many fer to live in the wan tree room
fiat
-Fifteenl- exclaimed the Court. Arc
YOU sure about the NUMBER
Mr.. Fitzsimmons averred with emphasis
that he was right we'll assured OF the
exact number. He had counted tbs
drafted beasts both when he was drunk
and when he was sober and the tally vas
always the same. There was no doubt
about the number. Fifteen it was. He
would not take of a single cat-not ever
for cash.
Now, yer Honor continued Mr.. Fitz-
simmons, me wife keeps these here cats
in the house, dye mind2 / kin niver
come in without I'm fallin' over W or
tree of them. Me wife she's always got
tree or four Of them in her lap, like. /
kin niver go near her fer ter give her a
kiss, we'll say. but one Of these here cats
puts up its back like a orokay wicket an
spits at me. Then like as not tits the
back Of me hand fer the cat, an then tbs
the rough side OF the wife's tongue fer
me ar no peace in the house. Drink
sure, | drink, mebbe more than is good
fer me, at times. What else can I do
with the house 80 full of cats there's no
room fer me. There's no cats in the
corner saloon. or II they is an a lad gives
It the chase 1t amt a hangin' matter like
it is In my house
Mr.. Fitzsimmons was not sure whether
the cats disliked him because he disliked
the cats or whether he disliked the cats
because they disliked him. but he was
Perfectly certain that he could never
cultivate 30 much affection for cats that
he could find room for fifteen OF them in a
three room tenement.
4. dark story Of a sinister revenge lies
behind the presence Of those fifteen cats
in the Fitzsimmons home. Mr.. Fitz-
simmons looks back regretfully to a
happy, sober past when his peaceful
the misfortune to fall out with a neigh
Dor. an Orangeman Of an unforgiving and
vindictive disposition. Mr.. Fitzsimmons,
frank and candid man that he Is. spoke
bis mind at the time and went his way
and thought no more about 1t.
A matter Of a fortnight or so later
he came home from his work at the livery
stable one evening and there we're a
pair of fluffy little kittens rolling about
bis kitchen floor. 1t appeared that the
wife of the Orangeman had given them
TO Mrs. Fitzsimmons. Mr.. Fitzsimmons
was not enthusiastic over the gift, but
he was fond Of his wife. She was pleased
with the furry little creatures INC that
viii it surprise the reader to learn that
time went on? Anyhow il did. One
night Mr.. Ftzsimmons came home from
work TO find that the W kittens, long
since grown up. had become even. For
some weeks the new arrivals made no
drain on the family purse. Their sus-
tenance was attended to in the customary
manner. Also they remained in n
place with great persistence. But again
time went on. The kittens were weaned
Also they grew up. Likewise they were
mathematics, according to Mr.. Fitz-
simmons, was singularly one sided. They
knew nothing Of subtraction and division.
But on addition and multiplication they ]
were the feline wonders Of the age. 4
1t is not to be inferred that MIR. Fit1-
simmons let things 90 on in this way
in court that he lodged frequent and m
phatIc objections, but with no appreciable
results. He pictures the state OF things ,
IN his household with considerable elo-
uuence. Did any of his hearers ever sit
on a full grown cat in the easy chair, he
desired to know. Did any OF them ever
step on "A viciou cat asleep in q dark cor
rer Of the staircase? Had they ever built
II fire in the kitchen stove with two cats
locked up in the oven, and il so what did
their wives say? Did they ever try TO
sleep on a moonlight night with fifteen
cats holding a party in the back yard
with as many more recruited from the
nei ghborhood? \
i larned a lot about cats said Mr..
fltzslmmons, AN the more l larned the
less liked EN-. | never knowed before
how attached they get to their homes.
Why, there was a spell Of weeks and weeks
ana weeks that ] never went out O. the
house OF a mornin' without I had at least
two kittens in me pocket. Sometimes I
would carry EN- as far away from the
house a. half a mile before / dropped EN-
II mover made any diherence us ! could
see They was always back home before
me-. Most times they beat it back 30
GlIcs the wife had never ave missed
em
On one occasion Mr.. Fitzsimmons az
serted his manhood. He took three
Kittens out in the back yard, soused them
~ a bucket OF water and held them there
'hree minutes. That night he got no
Glnner and he had to cook his own break
,tst tho next morning. Another time he
brought home McGinnis's dog from
Hfound the corner. In a fraction Of a
safsErH ,En 49, L--.-x. |