davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
Humor and
Philosophy
THE EIGHTH WONDER.
~ oVMcAM y. sNsIrM

Solomon in all his glory
Was not-msybe he was glad
Decked out Ike the spring creations
That are now the latest fad.
He had reason TO be thankful
For favor such as that
That he didn't roundythe diggings
Have TO wear a neas spring hat.
Think OF Solomon. whose wisdom
Has been handed down 20 fame,
Sitting on his throne majestic
With his head in such a frame
And u any OF his ladies'
Had come sailing into court
Thusly rugged I fear next morning
Would have found him one wife short.
Say. was ever In your knowledge
Doings in the name OF art
Like the newest thing In headgear
That is designated smart"
Such a riot OF disorder
Thrown together without plan
AS the punches being paid for
Under protest by the man?
'Tis as though some straw and ribbons
In an earthquake had been caught
And the mighty forces working
Had the tumbled headpece wrought
And had topped II off with feathers.
Fruits and blossoms or a bird,
Striving with zeal misguided
For the height of the absurd.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03

If you don't believe in yourself, es-
tablish at once such confidential rela-
tions with yourself that you will.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03

Having to pay for it afterward is
what makes saints Of sinners-not.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
Wall Papers

We are very busy in this de-
partment. but we will take
time to tell you that until YOU
have seen our line you have
not seen the best papers shown
in town today.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03

Perhaps the woman who does not
want to vote has nothing to wear to
the polls.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
Old Hickory

The name itself signifies lux
ury and comfort. Everything
that goes into the construction
of,this furniture is Hickory, the
strongest of all native woods.
Arm Chairs ... .SI.7s to 5000
Rockers 49,. $500 TO $500
Tables 49,. $500 to $500
Also Settees. Tabourettes
and Wood-Baskets.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
ATLANTIC CITY
DEFEATS MOHAWK

The Atlantic City Gazette says: In
one OF the fastest games OF polo on
skates ever played on any rink the
Atlantic City Ave on Saturday night
defeated the Wilmington team on the
Ocean Pier rink by one goal.
SO furious was the offense and de-
fense on the first half that neither
side scored. the half ending with the
ball in mid-rink. The gallery evinced
much interest in the various plays.
Atlantic City being particularly good
in team work
"Rube" Clark. who with Hughes and
Kid Chandler played the star game,
made the winning goal, driving the
ball into the net just nve seconds
before the. timekeepers whistle tor the
end Of the game. Tn lineup:
Atlantic City. Mohawks
Evening journal., 1909-05-03

Perhaps It would be more desirable
to see others as we see ourselves.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
Summer Curtains

Cross-striped snow fake and
Grenadine Curtains. from $I.oo
to 5000 Special this week at
Soc a pair.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03

A cheerful liar is often an enduring
Joy TO the erring and downcast.
Evening journal., 1909-05-03
Awnings

We use only Boyle's best
stripe, mounted on galvanized
frames, extra pockets and cor
ner pieces to prevent wearing
out. Cut and fit with all the
care that a tailor puts in high
grade garment.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
ROsedae the Beautiful Ten Thousand Dollar Kentucky Horse

Jake. Largest Gorilla Ever Exhibited in America
He five feet ten inches in height and weighs $50 pounds
has tremendous strength Marvellous Agility and his Power
full Arms a wonder to behold
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
Practical Young Men.

The young man who is petted too
much at home is seldom any good.
What is wanted nowadays is a prac-
teal man who can do something else
besides smoke cigarettes and twist a
cane. The time to learn to work and
to learn business habits is in ones
youth. He who leads the life OF a
butterfly until he Is twenty-fi or
thirty years of age. and then recog-
nizes thief act taet he has made an
ape of himself has precious little TO
recommend him when he applies for
a job. This may be a chestnut, but
1t fits not a few young men in ev-
cry city in the Union. The boys on
the farm ere better off If they only
knew it, than thousands OF the boys
who are at large, Wandering hiUheI
and thither. searching and looking
for rich bonanzas" to turn up
There is nothing like being practical
and there is but one way 10 be so
Acquire business habits and train
yourself to do good, honest, hard
work. Don't waste your time learn
ing to tie a cravat. You can buy
cravats already tied.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
What Is the W. c. T. u.

The Woman's Christian Temperance
Union is the largest organized body,
composed exclusively Of women on the
globe. 1t has been established in more
than fifty different countries, with
hundreds Of thousands OF members.
The United States, Great Britain and
Canada furnish the greater part of the
membership, with a rapidly growing
constituency in many other countries.
It's membership is CHOSEN from among
the very best Of every land-Christian
women, wOmanly, pure gentle women
of high ideals. 1t should be well un-
derstood THAT the Organization stands
for total abstinence for the individual
and the prohibition OF the sale of in
toxicating liquors in town county State
and nation. The bulk OF TIE work Is
done through its departments, wthGch
number nearly forty. There is One
woman at tire head of each department
in the national ,Stete ,couIty and local
unions, who is responsible for the GER
rying out of the plans.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30

thing about the barnyard a bright and
glitteing green--fences, coops, uoosts,
perches Of all descriptions. and so
forth and 80 on He attempts no
scientific or theorekioal explanation
OF his discovery. He has possessed
himself Of certain facts after years Of
experiment.. and he wisely seeks not
to reasOn exclusively. His only ex-
plonation Is thet vhezeas green mal0ez
tire heus lay with great gusto, brown
throws item INTO fits Of monoseness
AID under ire beleEul influence OF tina
color nothing IN the wey OF eggs may
be expected OF them Some people
venture to reason that tie simple so
luton Of this wonder is tnat green de-
ludes biddy into believing that spring
with its s. cen gIess end be-bege las
come egein ard II Is time for her to
think Of her Family
Ttlis plan suggests ttct once tried
by a farmer who was economical and
in order to save TIRE cost Of green feed
for lis cattle purchased green goggles
and affixed them to the noses Of the
animals and then fed excelsior. Prob
ably one is as effective as another.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
Peanuts and Sleep.

Recently q friend who had heard
that l sometimes suffer from insomins
tod me Of a sure cure. Eat a pint
Of peanuts and drink two or three
glasses Of milk before going to bed, "
said he, land I'll warrant you'll be
asleep within half an hour" / did
as he suggested and now for the bene-
fit Of offers who may be afflicted with
insomnia feed it to be my duty to re
port what heppened, 50 far es am
able to recall the details.
First let me say my friend was right
did go TO sleep very soon after my
retirement. Then a friend with his
head under his arm came along and
esked me If l wanted to buy bis feet
was negotiating with him when the
oregon on which WIS riding slipped
out Of tis skin ard left me floating
in mid air. While / was considering
how l should get down, a bull with
two heads peered over the edge OF
the wall and said he would haul me up
II l would first climb up and rig a
windlass for him. So as / Was slid
ing down the mountainside the brake
man ceme in and / asked him when
the train would reach my station.
1--WE passed your station 400 years
ago" Re said, calmly folding the train
up and slipping IT into his vest pock-
Ell.
At this juncture the clown bounded
into the ring and pulled the center pole
out Of the ground, lifting the tent and
all the people in it up, while l stood
on the earth among the clouds above.
Then | awoke, and fourd ! 6od been
asleep almost 10 minutes.-Good
Health Clinic.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
How to make Hens Lay.

The eastern part of the country has
been stirred up the past few
weeks over the announcement that
some bright inventor has discovered
a solution for the scarcity of eggs in
the winter time. His remedy, it is
stated by him will increase the pro-
duction OF eggs more than 100 per cent
over what 1t is to-day. How does he
do 1t. he says, simply by painting
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
Lad WEEDS Woman.

Charles Crossin, IA yenrs old, wearing
knee trousers, and Miss Minnie Corley
80 years old, were married at Mid
den, Miss, last week. The boys par
ents hearing Of the marriage separated
the couple within an hour and refused
to allow him TO return to his wife.
The bride declares If trey are not al
lowed TO live together she viii kill hel
self.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
State Of Ohio. City OF Toledo.
Lucas County.

Lucas County. IS
Frank J. Cheney makes oath that
be. is senior partner OF tie firm Of f.
J. Cheney & Co. doing business in tn
City Of Toledo county and State afore-
said. and that said firm will pay the
sum Of One Hundred Dollars for each
and every case OF Catarrh that cannot
be cured by the use OF Halls Catarrh
cure. FRANK ] CHENEY.
Sworn to before me and subscribed
In my presence. this 6th day Of Decen
Der, A ID. 1886.
A. w. GLEASON,
CSeal.) NOTARY PUBLIC.
Halls Catarrn Cure is taken in
ternally and acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces OF the system.
Send for testimonials free.
F. J. CHENEY & o. Toledo, o.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for con-
stipation.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30
BRYAN in
THE SENATE.
Democrats in Congress In
terested in Possibility.
He Would Not be Instantly Ac-
claimed as the Democrat
ic Leader.

Democrats In Congress are vastly
interested in tie reported possibility
that William J. Bryan may seek cleo
ton to tie Senate as the successor Of
Elmer J. Burkett, whose term expires
March 3. 1911. A dispatch from Little
Rock, Ark, quoted Mr.. Bryan a say
ing that while he should prefer that
some other Nebraska Democrat be
nominated for the Senatorship, ne
would lot say that he would not be a
candidate. Earlier DISPATCHES from
Nebraska rad represented Mr.. Bryan
as an acknowledged asphant for SEN
aooriai honors.
While Mr.. Bryan's advent In the
Senate would not be hailed as an un-
mixed blessing by all the Democratic
members thereof, 10 doubt the rest
Of tire country would take a great dsai
Of pleasure in seeing Mr. Bryan a Sen
ator. Tten,if Mr.. Roosevelt would only
come TO the Senate as the successor Of
Chauncey Depew the satisfaction OF
tire country would be complete.
II either Mr.. Bryan or Mr.. Roosevelt
is under the impression that upon be-
coming a Senator he would at once
step into the leadership OF his respec-
tive party in thnt chamber, he would
well be prepared for a rude surprise.
1t Is a pretty good guess that both Mr.
Bryan and Mr.. Roosevelt would have TO
undergo a course Of heizng, though
TIE dose would not be so severe. prob
sbly, as the ore for instance which Is
being applied to Lafollette Of WILSON,
sin.
There are a number Of Democratic
Senators who genuinely and sincerely
acknowledge Bryan rs TIE leader o.
their peTty, but they ere hopelessly
in the minority. The average Demo
cratic Senator is deeply convinced that
he himself would make a much better
leader than Mr.. Bryan. And how they
would keep him smaIting from pin
pricks! Old hands at the Senatorial
business c2n annoy newcomer in
thoUand ways, and the new-come-
isn't able to tell just where he is prick
ed or who pricked him.
Mr.. Bryen's influence with the De-
mocratic minority in the House would
be quite another matter. Although a
few House Democrats have regulated
TIE Nebrsskan IL undoubtedly is true
that a majority Of them still look up
On him Is the greatest Democrat Of
IDS dny ard are willing still to follow
MS lead. Mr. BTyan's being in the
Senate would make a lot Of difference
in TIE lower house OF Congress.
Mr.. Bryan will not come to the Sen
ate, however without having a mans
fight on ais hands. Elmer Burkett may
not shine as one of the great white
lights Of tire upper house, but he knows
tne game Of politics sEd works et 1t
twenty-four houTs . day, seven days
a week, and all TIE weeks of the year.
If there is a voter in Nebraska WOO
hasn't received personal letter from
Burkett this yecr it's because tire vo-
ter's card has been lost. Burkett writes
letters ct the slightest provocation and
when there is no provOcation ne write
a nN-hou.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30

Bring the little ones to BABY Elephants Camels
Lyons Monkeys An endless program of startling events
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30

The Flower and Pick of Feature Performers from all ma
TONS in Program Exant startling struggles and ludcrous
revelres carrying the spectators by and wildly ap
plauded by all.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30

truly wonderful display of trained animals 400 people,
250 Horses and Ponies 20 funny Clowns Prof
Wheelers Military Band
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1909-04-30

The Show this year is bigger and better and in
commanding position than before to maintain their
unrvaed standing and rank and and delight their
thousands of patrons.
MANy ENTTpEJ NEW AND EYCJ TISJVE EEATTRES
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16

lie Us doing some figuring with
pencil and paper on the head Of a
barrel ia front of grocery when the
grocer came unt AMI called his atten-
ton TO some heads OF cabbage that
had inst beer len hy farmer.
Yes. them cabbages is al right. -
replied the man. but don't care for
any WIS reading the other night
about a proposed treaty between this
country and China The naper said II
could raise ne price If washing a
shlrt 70 nine cents. and / made up nay
mind | was agin e.
Sc you wont favor such a treaty -
WIS asked
Yes. | think J Will since have tx
gered on IT, mud That Il would make
a difference OF only six cents year to
me. and Il the rest OF the country
wants It WON'T be so doggoned mean
az to hang backi~
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
look His Joke Seriously.

funny incident occurred aboard
one OF our big battleships While at
anchor off some large city delega-
ton Of ladies representing the w c.
I. U. came aboard and were much in
terested in all they saw One Of the
visitors, spying the chit box for the
wine mess, which was fastened up in
the ward room, inquired what 1t was
young officer, being facetiously in
clined and not for one moment suppos-
ing that his joke would be taken seri-
ously. told her it was box for foreign
missions and that the officers were al
ways glad to have all those who came
aboard contribute. Nothing more was
thought of the matter till the end of
the month. when the box was opened
and. TO the establishment of all, was
found to contain $3.50. The dilemma
was overcome by sending Il check for
the amount, together with letter of
explanation, to the secretary of the
navy requesting that he have it for
warded through the proper channel to
the cause for which it was contrib
uted.-Army and Navy Life.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
A Prohibited Weapon.

Every traveller knows that there are
certain restrictions upon the introduce
ton of arms into foreign countries.
Among the weapons which it is forbid
den to take into France IS the ''trom-
blon," which is expressly mentioned in
the Hengal code as weapon the carry.
Ing and sale of which are not allowed
And yet the 'tronlblon" is not a fire
arm which Is commonly used now
adays, for 1t is nothing else than the
blunderbuss. a weapon which old carl
catures show 10 have been carried by
the guards OF coaches as protection
against highwaymen and TO have been
hung over his fireplace by John Bull
at the time OF the scare of Napoleonic
Invasion hundred years ago. The
blunderbuss had a fintlock, a short
barrel and a muzzle like a trumpet, the
bell mouth being designed to scatter
the slugs with which the primitive
piece was charged. Any one who buys
one at an old curiosity shop had better
take care how he introduces 1t into
France, for the penalty for doing so is (
A fine of 200 francs.-London Chron-
Icle
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
Vain Pride.

"Well, how do you think this looks 2
asks Mr.. Binderby, coming into his
wifes boudoir While she is arranging
her coiffure
How does what look?" she inquiries
In tones that are muff1ed by some hair
pins she has between her lips.
Il got this toupee to cover my bald
spot. I'm always catching cold and"-
why. John James Binderby The
very idea,' she exclaims. IL thought
you We're man who was above such
petty vanity. When a man becomes
so self conscious of his looks it has
really a suspicious appearance"
Whereupon Mr.. Binderby takes off
the toupee and combs the four long
locks of hair over his bald spot, and
his wife continues to pin on the per-
fectly lovely puffs that so enhance her
beauty.-Chicago Post
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16

Wien the nineteenth century was az
yet only hale grown. senator's applied
custoinarIly for their toddics az the so
called Hole IN the Wall. a small circu-
lar room just OF the postofIice Of the
upper house. The latter body then
occupied what Is now the chamber Ut
the supreme court, and the postofiice
was across the main corridor OF the
building on the same floor. when a
wearer OF the toga found himself in
need Of "snifter' he had only to
cross over TO the mails department
and pass through II 20 the little cir
euIar room aforesaid, which WAS about
the size OF a pantry The Hole IN the
Wall was The first senate restaurant
and the bin OF fare for edlbies was
short, though 10 the point, There was
ham. guaranteed to have been smoked
for six months, yeritable sublimation
of the pork product: there were corned
beef and bread and cheese. but very
little else. They served, however, as
m accompaniment for the fluids. and
when the Hole was crowded. as was
often the case. senators ate thelr sand
witches outside, in the postofiice -
Post.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
A Royal Snake slauahtersr.

The secretary bird" Is one Of the
most precious birds in South Africa
II Is royal game, and any person de-
stroying one Is liable to a fine of ESQ.
Majestic looking birds, they stand
about three feet high and generally go
In pairs. They are of drab color, with
black. feathery legs, and are valued
for their propensity for killing snakes.
Where the secretary bird Is seen there
are sure 70 be many reptiles about
The bird beats down its adversary
first with one wing and then with the
other at the same time trampling on
IL with its feet until the snake is sufti-
ciently stunned to catch 1t by the
head with Its claws Then the bird
rises far up in the air and drops its
victim TO the ground. TO be killed. BY
this means thousands OF venomous
reptiles are destroyed. London Scraps
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
Interpretina a Gift

A Philadelphia man sent as a pres
ent TO his son and daughter-in-law a
gold eagle and with it the following
letter:
The woman on the face of this coin
is for you. Clarence, because men
usually like good looking women. The
eagle on the reverse, with the feathers
on its legs, is for Lottie, because wo-
men are supposed to like birds and
feathers.
The L Pluribus Unum,' which you
know is translated One of Many
means that of the many of them you
would like to have this is the only one
you get
The thirteen stars, being an un-.
lucky number. indicate the hard luck
many of rs have In our efforts to gath
er in the quantity of these coins we
really have need for. but, then, the
forty-six stars around the rim tell you
that by working like forty six days in
the week you can probably accumu-
late enough TO see you through. -
Ledger.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
Death and snuff.

certain Margaret Wilson of West
minister. who was an inveterate snuff
taker. enjoined that quantity of
Scotch snufT should be placed IN her
coffin. She also ordered that the ar
engagements connected with her funer-
al should be as follows: six men to
be my bearers who are known TO be
the greatest SNUFF takers In the parish
of ST. James, Westminster Instead OF
mourning, each to wear a snuff colored
beaver hat, which l desire may be
bought for the purpose aud given to
them. Six maidens of my old ac-
quaintance TO bear my pail, each to
carry a box filed with the best Scotch
snuff, 10 take for their refreshment
as they go along" Snuff was also to
be thrown on the threshold Of de-
dwelling before the cortege
passed out, snuff was TO be strewn on
the ground at every twenty yards in
advance of the coffin, and the officiat-
Ing clergyman fee was TO be proper
tionate 10 the quantity of snuff he
consumed during the ceremony
Ion Globe.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16
What the Peruvians Believed.

a unique idea of the future state
was that Of the ancient Peruvians.
As the disembod;ed soul winged its
way to eternity it encountered two
rocks. upon one of which it must
needs rest The choice was deter
mined by the morality of the life in
the flesh. If II rested upon the left
hand rock If was instantly translated
TO "Po," or oblivion, a state analogous
TO the Nirvana of the orient If
through early misdeeds. however the
unhappy spirit was guided to the right
hand rock It entered into a purga-
torial hell where hends grated away
the flesh from all the bones in sue
cession. after which the skeleton was
reclothed and sent back to earth for
another try. There was no haste
about this grating process. 1t took
over 10000 years.
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16

The aurora borealis. or northern
Hight. Is something that we have ali
heard about. but very few, perhaps,
can give any explanation Of 1t. No
one definitely knows what causes 1t,
but The scientists are pretty wei
agreed that It is due 10 electricity
They believe that the light Is made by
the decomposition Of the positive and
negative electricity always In the up
per aud lower strata Of air, respec-
lively NJ. Lenstrom made an inter
estlng experiment IN Finland IN 1882,
his object being 10 determine the ma
ture Of the aurora. He had the peak
OF mountain surrounded by cop,
per wire. pointed at intervals with
tin nibs. When he had charged the
wire with electricity a yellow light
appeared on the tin tips. and an ex-
animation OF the light by the spec
troscope revealed the greenish yellow
ray that Is a marked feature OF the
aurora. This evidence among sci
entIsts Is almost convincing, for 1t
Is by means Of the spectroscope that
we discover the constituent parts Of
the sun and the stars. Exchange
Shoshone journal. [volume] (Shoshone, Idaho) 1884-1931, 1909-04-16

The first recorded production Of a
play In Australia took place in June
of the year 1879. 1t was called 1.-THE
Recruiting Officer" The proceeds of
the first pay night (some f2W went 20
the family of man who had been
drowned. In January. 1876, a rough
and ready playhouse was opened. and
the public had to pay a shilling
head for admission. The payments
were made in kind. wheat. flour or
rum taking the place of the usual cur
Standard.