Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-06-03
Uncle Bentley and
the BOOSTERS
By Hayden Carruth
By Hayden CarrutE
Copyright. by j. b. I.ippincott Cos

there is a thing which nobody wants
done, to this Uncle Bentley applies his
busy hand.
all at church. Our pastor had taken
the passage on turning the other
cheek, or one akin to it, for his text,
and was preaching on peace and quiet
and non-resistance He soon had us
in devout mood which must have
been beautiful to see and encouraging
to the good man.
he always was, and forever in a
front pew, with his neck craned up
looking backward to see if there was
anything that didn't need doing which
he could do He always tinkered with
the fires in the winter and fused with
the windows in the summer, and did
his worst with each. His strongest
church point was ushering. Not con-
tent to usher the stranger within our
gates, he would usher all of us, and
always thrust us into pews with Just
the people we didn't want to sit with.
If you failed to follow him when he
took you in tow, he would stop and
look back reproachfully, describing
mighty indrawing curves with his
arm; and if you pretended not to see
him, he would give low whistle to
attract your attention, the arm work
ing right along, like Holland wind
mill.
On this particular warm summer
Sunday Uncle Bentley was in place
wearing his long, full-skirted coat, a
queer, dark, bottlegreen, purplish
blue. He had ushered to his own eX-
ceeding joy, and got two men in one
pew, and given them a single hymn
book, who wouldn't on weekdays
speak to each other. / ought to men
ton that we had long before made a
verb of Uncle Bentley. To unclebent-
ley was to do the wrong thing
The minister was floating along
smoothly on the subject of peace
when Uncle Bentley was observed to
throw up his head. He had heard
sound outside. 1t was really nothing
but one of Deacon Plummers young
roosters growing. The deacon lived
near, and vocal offerings from his
poultry We're frequent and had ceased
to interest anyone except Uncle Bent
ey. Then in the pauses between the
preachers periods we hearG the flap
ping of wings, with sudden stoppings
and startings. Those unegenerate
fowls, unable to understand the good
| mans words, We're fighting. Even this
| didn't interest us-we We're committed
| to peace But Uncle Bentley shot up
| like a jacli-in-a-boX and cante:ed down
| the aisle. OF course, his lotion was
that the roosters We're disturbing the
| services and that it was lis duty to
go out and stop them. We heard Wig
orous Shoes and Take .hats." and
"Consairn yous." and taen Uncle
| Bentley came back looking very i'm
! portant, and as he stalked lp the aisle
! he glanced around and nodded his
| head, saying as clearly as words:
There, where would you he without
me?" Another defiant crow aoated in
at the window.
The next moment the rushing and
beating of wings began again and
down the aisle went Uncle Bentley,
the long tails of that coat tsirly float
ing like cloud behind HAN There
| was further uproar outside. aud Uncle
Bentley was back in his place, this
time turning around and whispering
hoarsely: Il fixed emf But such
! was not the case, for twice more the
very same thing was repeated The
last time Uncle Bentley came back he
wore calm, SNUG expression, as who
should say: Now | have fixed mi"
We should have liked it better if the
roosters had fixed Uncle BENTLEY But
nobody paid much attention except
Deacon Plummer. The thought oc
cuSred to him that peraaps Uncle
Bentley had killed the fowls. But he
hadn't
However, there was no more dis
turbance without, and after a time the
sermon closed There was some sort
of a special collection to be taken up
OF course, Uncle Bentley always in
sisted on taking up all tne collections
He hoped up on this occasion and
seized the plate with more than usual
vigor His struggles with the boosters
had evidently stimulated him He
soon made the rounds and approached
the table in front of tie pulpit to de
post his harvest AS he did so we
saw to our horror that the long tails
of that ridiculous coat We're violently
agitated. A sickening suspicion came
over us. The next moment one OF
those belligerent young roosters
thrust head out of either of those
coat-tail pockets. One uttered rau
cous crow, the other made vicious
dab. Uncle Bentley dropped the plate
with a scattering of ccin, seized a coat
skirt in each hand and drew it front
This dumped both fowls out on the
floor where they went at it hammer
, and tongs. What happened after this
is blur in most of our memories. All
that is certain IS that there was ar
uproar in the congregation, especially
the younger portion; that the deacon
began making unsuccessful dives fol
his poultry; that the organist strucl