davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newark star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1909, 1909-06-02
SHADES AND TINTS.

st hear there was quite a light sol
ored vote polled in your district,
colonel?"
"A light coloed vote? It a mo-
than light cofed, sub, 1t was white
perfectly white."-Judge.
The Newark star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1909, 1909-06-02
A. M.

Roommate-What is this card in your
hat?
His Roommate-Why, that was (hic)
the wine list but now Chico it's my table
of commensurate Record.
The Newark star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1909, 1909-06-02
FINDING THINGS OUT.

What makes you so sure you know
exactly how much money that man
makes per annum|'
IT got him to express his honest
opinion as to the figure at which there
should be exemption from an income
tax."-Washington Star.
The Newark star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1909, 1909-06-02
REQUISITES.

People who claim to be epicures
often eat TRANCE and undercooked
food"
Yes: in order to be a real epicure
you've got to nave not only good taste,
but a strong Observation-Disclosures
star.
The Newark star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1909, 1909-06-02
BREAKING THE SOIL.

DO you never indulge in the pleas
ure of getting put and turning up the
fresh earth?"
TT is no pleasure to me-" answered
the novice at golf. Every time I go
to the club 1 get nothing but harsh
looks for my activities in that direc-
ion."-Washington Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
CALLING DOWN THE BoAsTER
Good Little Story Told by William
Dean HowelIs as a Rebuke to
Spread-Eaeleism

ut was William Dean Howells,"
said q Chicago editor, who first re-
buked us Americans for our spread
eagleism, for our foolish boasting. |
see that Mr.. Howells has just Joined
a mems society for the promotion of
woman suffrage. TRUST him to be in
the forefront always.
II once heard Mr.. Howells deliver a
fourth Of July Grafton in Maine. The
orator preceding him had boosted a
good deal. Mr.. Howells showed that
some of the mans boasts were ever
impious.
"He said that these spread-eagle
boosters deserved the rebuke that the
little child administered to the cack-
ling hen that had just laid an egg.
The child, angered by the hens con.
tinuous cawk-cawk-cawk, cawk-cawk.
cawk-cawk, shook his little finger at
her and said:
"'You fink you're smart. But bod
made dat egg. You touldn't help but
Law it,"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Somewhat Too Practical.

During the tariff debate in
Senator Nelson of Minnesota made
the following clear exposition of the
situation:
Let us recognize the fact that with
a tariff bill it is just as it is with q
river and harbor bill. There is no use
Disgusting it. You tickle me and I
tickle you. You give us what we on
the Pacific coast want for our lead ore
and for our citrus fruit and we will
tickle you of New England and give
you what you want on your cotton
goods. You come to the same
basis as that of the river and harbor
bill. You vote for my creeks, you
vote for my harbors, you vote for my
rivers, and I will vote for yours and
shut my eyes and it is all right"
Our craftsmanship has come to be
too practical. 1t would really give
one quite a glow to have some sena-
tor or congressman inject a little SEN
timent into the debates and wave the
star-spangled banner above a united
and really patriotic people once more.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
COULDN'T GET 81 TO ENTHusE
Hired Mans Remarks Could Hardly
Be Said TO Be in Nature Of
Of Compliment.

The young lawyer, having been
nominated for the office Of county at.
torney, thought to surprise an eccen.
,ric genius by the name of ST who
was working as a hired man on the
young lawyers fathers farm.
"Well, 81, what do you think?" the
young man began.
Sometimes one thing, Lonny, an
sometimes mother"
But, 81, they have nominated me
for county attorney"
"They might "a done worse, Lon
ny. Howsomeyer, don't boiler till
you're out of the woods"
The young attorney was duly
elected, and OF his next visit to the
farm announced the fact unctuously
to ST, who was at the woodpile, saw
in hand.
well, 81, I am elected by a large
majority. What do you think OF
that?"
well, Lonny, down in our parts
wheresI was raised, when we wanted
a stopper n hadn't any cork, we
generally took a corn cob."-Youth's
Companion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

pressed against the front of his face.
The way he hustled to get the lid on
those bottles after his breath was in
them was an example to lazy folks.
He got SO he could make the coupling
in one-tenth Of a second by the watch.
And every night the last thing he did
was to go up to the attic and tighten
up all the lids and listen to see if any
of them were leaking.
The third day he broke a bottle, and
that was the only worry he really had.
For all he knew that was the bottle
that had his last breath in it, but he
couldn't be sure until the month was
up, for he was scheduled to die at no
particular time during the month, and
it might be the very last day.
Along during the last week he had
a bad fright. We saw he was running
short of bottles, and that they would
MT last out at the rate he was using
them, so he began to take shorter
breaths. He would hold a breath until
his eyes Topped out on his cheeks and
the perspiration stood on the end of
his nose and his face was dark pur-
pie, and he took such short breaths
that he was able to get two in a bot
tie, but even that was no use. He
did run out of bottles.
Then he spent all his time in the
attic, for he knew he had only half.
filled some of the earlier bottles, and
he breathed short last-breaths into
those, SC they were perfectly full.
Sometimes there was so little room in
a bottle that he had to divide a breath
and put half into each of two partly
filled bottles.
The last day came at length, and
Uncle Ashdod spent 1t in the attic
with breath-bottles all around him,
but the street before his house was
crowded with all the elite and chiv-
airy Of Betzville, waiting to see If the
bottle Uncle Ashdod had broken was
the n with his last breath in it. The
general opinion raj that it was, and
nearly every n had made bets that
way, SO we were hopeful that when
the time was up, at noon, we would
hear a dull thud in the attic. But we
didn't. At exactly 1901 Uncle Ashdod
came to the attic window and stuck
his head out and breathed one long
breath that last six minutes. There
were a few cheers from those that had
won their bets, but most of us turned
away disguised.
Uncle Ashdod has one preserve bot
tie on his what-not that he claims has
his genuine last breath in it, and he
is as proud of it rs pumpkins, but
we don't take any stock in it. We
may be mistaken, but according to our
notion Uncle Ashdod hasn't drawn his
last breath yet.
Copyright, 1909, by w. G. Chapman)
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

Laundry work at home would be
much more satisfactory if the right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces-
sary to use so much starch that the
beauty and fineness of the fabric is
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear
ing quality of the goods. This trou-
BILE can be entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of it's great
er strength than other makes.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
CALLS FOR CHANGE
COUNTRY is SUFFERING UNDER
REPUBLICAN RULE.
Golden Opportunity for the Demo-
cratic Party-can Be Returned to
Power with Dissemination to
Govern with Wisdom.

Deficit in the national finances for
the IL months ending June 80, upward
9f $780, 0 5000! Occupation of the Re
publicans in congress who control leg
islation, revision of the tariff with a
view to meeting the needs of every
body-except the consumer-and de.
vising of a tax to empower an in
QUESTION! Effort by the administra-
ton to cut off needless expense, do
away with useless employees, consoli-
date departments which cover the
same ground, speed up" clerks who
move through their duties at a pace
of aristocratic leisure because their
employer is the government, nil!
This is the situation which faces
the leaders of the Democracy. 1t is
the golden opportunity of the party
of opposition.
In the past six years the annual
congressional appropriations have in
creased from $4S6, 439, 306.6S to s627.-
5l6,246,S3. The year 1908 was a year
of depression, following the panic of
the year before, yet the expenditures
for that year were upward of $81, 000,-
600 larger than for the year 1907. And
apparently no one has even thought
OF shutting off the steam, much less
pulling the emergency air-brake cord.
Yet the imperative duty of a great
party in power is that it be at once
far-sighted enough and patriotic
enough to sound the note of economy.
1t is idle-this cannot be too
strongly insisted upon-it is idle to
expect earnest, whole-souled retrench-
ment by the Republicans. They are
IN; and economy means the abolish
ing OF superfluous places, the acceler.
atlng of lazy men, the doing away
with expensive and useless and hoary
expenditures for materials which are
purchased from favored contractors,
the violent interference with the sym
metry of senatorial and congressional
patronage by the abolition of sine
cures. We have at Washington a
horde of clerks, working eight hours
a day under civil service rules, who
would not last four hours each in a
bank, a railroad office or a depart.
ment store. There are thousands of
them. Gentleness and wisdom will be
necessary in dealing with the problem
OF the reformation--no weaker word
will cover the case. Reorganization
OF business methods to save money
is always hard work, but, however
hard, the necessities of our national
government demand it.
1t can be done-by a party returned
to power under the express pledge to
DO 1T, with the sentiment of the ma
ton behind it.
II the leaders of the Democracy will
begin 9 systematic study of the prob
lem of economy in governmental adj.
mlnistration, and go before the coun:
try at the next election pledged to
economy, not in a vague and general
way, but with the bill of particulars
written out, the party will get the Cd.
p%ortunity to act for the nation in a
great and necessary service.-St.
Louis Republic.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Privilege of English Husband.

A wife who complained at the
Marylebone police court in London the
other day that her husband used
abusive language to her was informed
by Mr.. Plowden that this was one of
a husbands privileges.
"You must put up with it," the mag
istrate told her. Better an abusive
husband than no husband at ALL"
"But l have had so many years of
this, kind of thing" she protested.
Il cannot give you any redress"
Mr.. Plowden replied, "You must ex-
pect a certain amount of abuse in this
world"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
THE OBJECT HE HAD IN VIEW
Farmer Had Not Much Expectation
of Turkeys, But He Was Not
Losing Anything.

A Rhode Island farmer set a ban
tam hen on IA turkey eggs, and great
was the scandal thereof throughout
the neighborhood. Friends from far
and near dropped in for to see and
for to admire the freakish feat.
"Sa-ay, Silas," asked envious Hiram
Haggers, "haow many turkeys d. yew
callate ter git outer them aigs?"
"Oh, shucks!" Silas answered. 81
amt callatin' t. git many turkeys. l
jest admire t. see that pesky little
critter ~a-spreadin' herself."-Harper's
Weekly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

Sheer white goods, in fact, any fine
wash goods when new, 1--WE much Of
their attractiveness to the way they
are laundered, this being done in a
manner to enhance their textile beau
ty. Home laundering would be equal
ly satisfactory if proper attention was
given to starching, the first essential
being good Starch, which has sufficient
strength to %stiffen, without thickening
the goods. Try Defiance Starch and
you will be pleasantly surprised at the
improved appearance Of your work.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Administrations opportunitx.

Mr.. Taft was not elected president
to dispense rude and primitive JUS
tice" to anybody, but to execute the
laws of the United States and to up-
hold the constitution. He and AL.
torney-General Wickersham have no
more important work to do than to
make sure that, SO far as the law will
permit, real justice is meted out to
the American Sugar Refining Com
pany.
The president can not afford to let
the far-reaching larceny cases end
with the restitution Of So, 900, 900 of
stolen money and the Indictment
or conviction-of a few minor EN-.
ployes. He can not afford to let the
trusts confessed violation of the Sher.
man law stop with the damages that
it has been compelled to pay to its
Pennsylvania riyal.--New York World.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

Two Quakers were having an ar
gument and one considered the other
was speaking falsely. This is how he
reproved him:
Friend Thomas, I will not call thee
by any bad name, but if the mayor
were to ask me who vas the greatest
liar in the town l would hasten to
thee and say: Thomas, l think the
mayor greatly desireth to speak with
thee"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
SKIN ERUPTION CURED.
Was So Sore, Irritating and Painful
That Little Sufferer Could Not Sleep
Scratched Constantly.
cuticura's Efficacy Clearly Proven,

when about two and a half years
old my daughter broke out on her hips
and the upper parts of her legs with a
very irritating and painful eruption. 1t
began in October; the first I noticed
was a little red surface and a constant
desire on her part to scratch her limbs.
She could not sleep and the eruptions
got sore, and yellow water came out
of them. I had two doctors treat her,
but she grew worse under their treat
ment. Then I bought the Cuticura
Remedies and only used them two
weeks when she was entirely we'll.
This was in February. She has never
had another rough place on her skin,
and she is now fourteen years old.
Mrs. R. R. Whitaker, Winchester,
Tenn, Sept. %, 1908"
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Not Entirely undlsputed.

The case before the court was one
involving the ownership of a tract of
land, and the attorney for one of the
parties to the suit was cross.exam-
lining a witness. Now, Mr.. Grim.
shaw" he said, "the property ON
which you live was originally a part
Of the 20 acres in dispute, was 1t
not?"
YES, sir"
"And your title is based on the orig
inal title to that land l presume?"
Eyes, sir"
"How long have you resided there?'
"Over 81 years."
Have you had-now mark me-
have you had II years undisputed
possession Of that property?
The witness hesitated a moment.
Remember, Mr.. Grimshaw,' said
the lawyer, raising his voice. that
0 are under oath. Have o had
IL years undisputed possession Of that
property"
1T has been disputed once, and only
once" answered the witness. Il found
a nest Of bumblebees In my back yard
one day last summer
In the general laugh that followed
this answer the lawyer subsidized
Youths Companion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
People Have learned somethinn


One result of the three months
tariff grind has been the disclosure of
the greedy grab game that some Of
the trusts are playing. Senator Bev.
eridge deserves credit for unearthing
and dragging to the light the tobacco
trusts methods of ~defrauding the gov
eminent of revenue. While the dis.
cussion of the tariff has been going on
the sugar trust thievery has been dis
closed, and the public has been taught
to scrutinize the operations of all the
beneficiaries of it's bounty. While the
country will not likely get the kind
Of a tariff bill it expected, the agi-
tation has not been without profit in
teaching the people that they can no
longer depend on old party promises.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Have No Use for Pins.

All American exporters concerned
are warned by Consul General DENLY
that they'll never get rich by selling
pins to the people Of Shanghai. The
Chinese have NJ use for pins" he
says, Strings and knots and loops
meeting every requirement of male
and female, young and old, to keep his
Oh her garments securely and neatly
fastened"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
Well. Not Very Often.

The little daughter of a Republican
candidate for a local office down in
Philadelphia, when told that her IA
Their had received the nomination,
looked serious for a moment, then her
wee voice trembled a bit as she ex-
claimed:
"Oh, mamma! do they often die of
~ 9u
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

With a smooth iron and Defiance
Starch, you can launder your shirt
waist just as well at home as the
steam laundry can; it will have the
proper stiffness and finish, there will
be less wear and tear of the goods,
and it will be a positive pleasure to.
use a Starch that does not stick to the
tron
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

What you require" said Knowit-
all, SIS a thrifty, economical wife,"
"Why?" asked his friend blankly.
Because you're a poor young man."
was the answer.
You're wrong. What | need is a
wealthy, liberal wife,"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

1t is a mothers duty to keep constantly
on hand ONE reliable remedy for use in
case of sudden accident or mishap to the
children. Hamlins Wizard Oil can be
depended upon for Just such emergencies.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
In the Editorial sanctum.

Editor like the last verse of your
poem the best.
Poet-And why?
Editor-Well, principally because it
is the last.-Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
senator cummins warned the R.

Senator Cunmins warned the Re-
publican senators that they were sub
jecting the party to inevitable defeat
and destruction by their action on tho
tariff" He added, Il marvel at your
blindness But Belshazzar answered.,
'Ha, ha, hal. and ordered the feas
to prcceed-Kansas city Times.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

How much better it is that he
should speak i'll of me to all the world
than that all the world should speak
i'll of me to him.-Torquato Tasso.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
A Natural Selection.

What do you suppose would be an
a%eronaut's garden choice?
Il don't know, but | would suggest
an air plant"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

1t was David who said: "All men
are liars" And he might have added
that married men have opportunities
thrust upon them.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

Smokers find Lewis Single Binder Sc
cigar better quality than most l0c cigars.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

He never has a message who does
not know how to listen.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
COMFORTING.
-MIFI4RMA "

Man in the Water-Help! Help!
I'm drowning!
Droll Gent-What! you don't need
help to drown, man.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

It's no use talking about the peace
Of God II your life is a provocation
to your neighbors,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
VERY ABRUPT.

Spring Poet-Yes, sir; ! can write
about anything, sir.
Irate Editor-Well, then, suppose
you just right-about face and head for
the door.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

Was Taft's tariff promise meaning
less? Was it a mere bait for votes?
His answer will be his action upon the,
tariff bill.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29

The Wrights are not good look
ing"
What has that to do with fiying?D
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-07-29
rhe onlY WAN.

my wife never opens letters that
are addressed to me-"
you have 'em all sent to your office
address, do you?"-Cleveland Leader.
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1909-11-25
NEED NOT BE THROWN AWAY
msyonnalse That Has curdled In the
Making Can Easily BE
Put Right.

That mayonnaise. curdled In the
making can be set 10 rights NJ once
by the addition OF a tablespoonful OF
very cold water Ia the useful discovery
Of one housewife. Whether this would
be effectual In all recipes for making
the epicurean dressing has not been
ascertained. but II never fails 10 be
80 In her formula. which is a delicious
one. as follows;
one raw yolk, one hardboiled one.
both very cold. mixed In a bowl with
the addition Of little salt. and u
liked a tablespoonful OF mustard. stir
In at least half n pint OF pure olive
oil. aftorward thinning TO the desired
consistency with vinegar or lemon
Juice The oil may be put In by the
dessertspoonful and stirred very
quickly. contrary 20 the usual labori.
Gus process OF adding Il drop by drop.
II all the ingredients and bowl and
spoon are well chilled II will not cur.
die II this accident should ever oc-
cur through any mischance add the
cold water and II will be rectined
The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1909-11-25
MOTH PESTS IN THE FALL
Solution Of csrbolle Acid VIII Help
Housekeepers In Fighting
Their Enemy.

Many housekeepers. even expert
enced ones. feel that n they have sue.
cecded In outwitting the voracious
moth during the summer months there
IL nothing more TO fear from him. In
point OF tact. the fall months are dan.
gerous. particularly where q town
house IL not opened until late.
II one hnds moths around In the
fall and does not wish 60 30 20 the
trouble OF getting more oamphor or
tar balls for a comparatively short
period. let them try the carbolic acid
cure.
Wipe on the wood work. shelves
and floor OF closet or wherever dan.
ger Of moths lies. with a solution Of
carbolic acid. he careful in doing
this that none gets on the hands. as
II burns badly when too strong.
After wiping down the woodwork
little OF the acid may be put In the
cup Of small alcohol stove. The
heating causes the fumes 90 rise
through the closet and helps In the
moth fighting