The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1909-06-02
TRUTHFUL JONAS
EXPLORES WHALES
Poetical Tar Makes a Trip Into
the Interior and Corroborates
Tale of Jonah
PROCURES SOME INSIDE FACTS
Pink Pajarnas Bearing the Letter ~"
Prove the Scrlptural Character was
ally and Picked Up by His Mates,

ally and Picked Up by His Mates
Savannah, Calf higher critics
must expose the myths in Holy Writ
they'd better make another guess be.
fore they think they're it. For yes.
terday, when Jonas Horne, of the
barkentine Belle White, had heard a
parson say the tale Of Jonah wasn't
right he left his new without word
and went away from there. He said
he couldn't stand to hear lie right
after prayer.
ITS downright sacrilege," he said
''the way these parsons talk The
truth. my boy, should aye prevail
it's winner in n walk. 1t happens
was swallowed once by the very self
same whale that swallowed Jonah
UHave a drinko This amt no phoney
tale. And being swallowed thus
found good evidence inside, that the
Jonah story was o. *. and that the
parson lied.
81 was just a youngster at the time
a greenhorn on a whaler. but thought
knew most everything, Just like your
brand new sailor. Our ship, the Mol
ly Brown, one day was bein' put about
to start for home when up aloft the
lookout gave shout
ga whale as big as Noah's ark,
Great fish hooks, pipe the spout
I'VE dropped the boats and started
out to get him mighty quick. We
pulled to windward, sneaking down
upon him nice and slick. Old Jerry
threw the harpoon in and then we
pulled away. And was there some
thin doin'? Well, maybe. Somethin
gay!
81 was standin' at the tiller, think
in was mighty big. when Mr.. Whale
shoots up beneath and gives our boat
dig. | landed head down in the drink
and, feelin, quite romantic, tried to
yell goodby; instead, l swallowed
some Atlantic. | feels a sort of sue
ton then, and-gee, it turned me cold
i knew that | was on my way into
that critters hold.
"Then came bump, and then ker-
chunk! But nOthin' couldn't stop us.
I knew as | went by that bump it was
his epiglottis. At last | hove to in a
place that was as dark as night sat
awhile to catch my wind and get my
bearing right. A funny roar was in
my ears, like tons of rushin' water;
which meant, thought |, we're travel
in much faster than we'd oughter. |
tried to get upon my feet, but every
time | rose that burned fish turned
corner quick and tossed me on my nose
Then when tried to fool that whale
by risn' slow and soft, I'd no more got
me half way up when the bloomin
monster coughed.
at threw me, cussin on my face
and then | feels within my fingers
grasp hottie that knew must carry
gin! l pulled match and tallow dip
from out my starboard boot, and
lightin' up, set out to make search
for further loot. And when I takes a
careful squint at where l found the
flask, l spies pair of sandal shoes
Now, sonny, let me ask:-What was
them sandals doin' there in the in
wards of that whale? And how about
that pint of gin? 1t plainly showed
the tale of Jonah's bein' swallowed by
a whale was surely true, and that the
whale that swallowed him had taken
me in too.
I'm from Missouri when I hear
theology eXpounded, but as for them
there Bible tales, guess that they're
well founded. For facts is facts, and
when I'd made another find that day
of pair of pink pajamas labelled
with the letter y | knew that Jonah
was no fake, but truthful to the CORE
and that | stood where he had stood
ten thousand years before.
81 was sittin' feelin' peevish, like a
martyr in a pit, when somethin' hap
pened sudden and the critter threw
hit. My light went out, and holy
smoke! the very next l knew
was shooting through his thorax at a
rate | call skidoo. ! must have dis
agreed with him the way he chucked
me out. / came a-bobbin' through the
waves and took a look about. | was
tickled when l noticed that my mates
was close at hand. They picked me
up and every man just cheered to beat
the band
Nov, any one who don't believe
the Jonah story's true can come to
me. (Well, don't mind. I'll have