The San Francisco call., 1909-06-06

went into the outer office a
few mornings ago. "Phew, this is
enough to kill any man. OF course
1T can't kill a craftsman. Nothing can
kill that species of the human family.
Notice lay stress on the word family.
Il know what this smell is" he con-
tinued. Its from stale beer. Some
wretched person has been drinking beer
and hiding the bottle. I wonder how
1t ever escaped the attention of Blum
enthal. Find the bottler' ordered
Hood
Every sleuth in the office began on
the still hunt for the offending bottle,
Blumenthal leading the way, shifting
like a pointer hot on the scent.
The smell comes from this corner"
said Blumenthal
There is no beer here" demonstrated
a young lady with a big bunch of roses
in vase before her and flower gar
den in her waist.
But it does" persisted Blumenthal.
1T must be the wood alcohol" ex
claimed the young lady. Il use it for
heating sealing wax"
Wood alcohol" said Hood. incensed
at the idea that he had made mis-
take. "Have that alcohol analyzed and
see If it has not every ingredient in it
that would be a fine substitute for
vile beer. Blumenthal should know"
'T have remarked frequently" said
the old railroadman as he took up his
favorite position at the Transportation
club. that this is an age of progress.
The man who wants to succeed must be
student.
Uncle Hartman knows this. and he
is. therefore. under the gentle guidance
- F.fo, A tf,,r~ =.
school for ambitious boys. There they
will learn scientific railroading. and
when these students are elected from
college we will have railroading done
on scientific basis. There will be no
more collisions, for the student will be
able to figure out to nieety all about
air pressures and resistances to atmos-
pheric conditions that there Will be no
time for any railroads TO run. Besides.
by that time we shall be flying. and
there will be no maintenance of track
department Engineering. my boys is
a played out science, and if Hood lives
long enough -he will see what laugh
ing stock his tunnels will be. his low
grades. and all the works in which he
now delights. They will be anti.
quated as the dodo in few years from
now.
There won't be any tunnels in the
sky nor low grades. nor any track. and
as my good friend Drake is still young.
he'd better go to studying something
about air machines. No. not hot air.
That's only for the passenger depart
ment and Frank +. Batturs and Harry
A. Buck.
my boys, there is one department
that they can't do without. That's the
passenger department. either railroads
or flying machines. There is the cream
for you. They can talk about their
freight all they like, but the passenger
department is where you learn a thing
or two. Ny dear little blonde friend in
A. s Mann's office will let you know
that. NShe said to me the other day:
"Tt amt safe to talk 10 old kids
and young bachelors. They do so twist
things
Now she learned all that from being
in the passenger department In no
other department could she get so wise
suddenly.
Now. boys. don't think passenger
department job is a soft snap. If you
do you will be sadly mistaken. You
senger department. and now they arc
going to establish a foreign depart
ment in it.
"A man will be expected then to
talk half dozen languages without
making a break in any one of them
That's fact. Why, just think of what
the Southern Pacific passenger depart
ment was called upon to do in the last
two weeks. Here comes along a Japa-
nese admiral. Some one must be found
to treat him as he is expected to be
treated.
Pass the buck up to C. s Fee. Paul
Shoup is no longer there wires Chi
cago, and Fee asks H. r. Judah TO at
tend to the warrior from the land OF
the rising sun. That is his part Of
the program.
"Then comes the French ambassa-
dor, and Fee hunts up that great
scholar, r. A. Donaldson. No chance
of Donaldson being called a liar
That's what education does. 1t makes
a man mix it with admirals and am
bassadors. Athearn had better get
busy at once and include in his cur
riculum a foreign course.
"All the languages in the world, in
cluding some no one has heard about.
1t is bound to come in useful at some
time. He had also better get some
Of the boys to speak English correctly
am panied to say there is too much
slang flung about railroad offices.
Railroad boys might take few les
sons in speaking like a scholar from
C. S. Aiken. There is the man who can
make the English language remember
there was a Shakespeare once. espe-
cially when Aiken writes poetry. 1t
makes even Charley Field think he had
better look to his laurels.
"Of course, they are adjuncts to the
passenger department.. Who ever heard
OF a man in the freight end of the
road ever writing poetry? Why, Poet
Smith once thought of going into the
freight end. but George Luce read a
poem of his and says:
"Poet Smith, stop right where you
are. The freight end has troubles
enough of it's own, and what the deuce
would. come over us if we had a poet
the good Lord only knows
poet Smith stopped right there and