davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
MR GROuCH


 Some people seem born for no other purpose than to worry other peoplel" ex- claimed MT. Crouch, as he mopped his perspiring brow. A alarmed fool came up to me on the street just now, looked me steadily in the eye and asked. Where is Leon Ling? Confound his impudence! Do look like man who would shelter Chinese murderer? If I knew where that chink was I'm make a bee line to the nearest police station, tell what I knew and go to see him caught How do l know where Leon Ling Is when all the sleuths in the country don't know? or course the chump who asked me that question was trying to be funny That's why he made me so mad. On hot day like this, tool" And with a final snort MT. Crouch sprinted for a suburban car. MOTHER GOOSE AT MONTGOMERY The humorist of the Pell City Progress contributes the following jingles, which have political flavor: There is gang in our town and they are
 wondrous wise For they can pass a liquor law as clear
 as ten mud pies: And when the Judges knocked it out, they
 counted 24. And straightway passed another bill just
 like ten pies more. Old mother Hubbard went to the cup
 board
 To fetch her poor lawyer a fee; The cupboard was bare, the Judge had
 been there deficit was all she could see 
 Twinkle, twinkle. little seat, In the Senate what a treat Push on, Brooks and Weak1ey, too When go In there are jobs for you. Sam and Bill went up the hill To create thirst for water; The Bill fell down and broke its crown, While Sam came tumbling after.
 AGREED.
 I quite agree
 With those who say,
 Good morning. Amt
 It hot today?"
 COMMENT. We are willing to stand for a great deal of Col. Bailey's gulf about Houston. but there is no such thing as a saintly baseball team.
 In the window of a Birmingham piano store two kittens sleep every night with their heads propped on the pedals of a grand plano, undisturbed by the glare of street lights and the gaze of pedestrians who stop to contemplate this picture of feline bliss.
 Anther mans life has been saved by chew Of tobacco. Still, there isn't any way to decorate a chew of tobacco. A London newspaper tells how to be run over. What we are more interested in is how not to be run over
 A St. Louis working girl wants to know how to be lady on nothing week. There are great many fine ladies who live on nothing a year, operating what Is called the cumulative credit system.
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
 GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD

When everything around a man stag gers and wavers, when all seems dark and dim in the far distance of tho un- known future, when the world seems but a picture or fairy tale, and the uni- verse a chimera, when the whole struc- ture of ideas vanishes in smoke, and all certainties become enigmatical. what is the only permanent thing which may still be his? The faithful heart of a woman! There he may rest his head, there he will renew his strength for the battle of life, increase his faith in Provi- dence, and, If need be, find strenfith to die in peace with benediction on his lips.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
To Be Great Engineering School.

"The public generally does not realize the extent of the work possible in the new building of the University of Alabama and especially in the mining laboratory in which the United States Steel corpora tion has recently made the first of se- ries of tests with a view to inaugurating new methods and changing the equipment at some of its plants,' said a mining engineer.
 'Superlatives are dangerous but l can not imag zine a more completely equipped or better devised laboratory for experi- ments and tests. Every possible phase of physical and chemical testing of coals, ores and materials of construction has been provided for and 1t should mean great things for the industrial inter- ests of the state"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
YOU NEVER CAN TELL.

YOU NEVER CAN TELL. Oh, the primmest little maid, Just the most precise of misses; Never thought of love, she said, Took no sort of stock in kisses. Quite immune to Cupids darts, Laughed at hosts of suitors signing, When they told of aching hearts All such symptoms still decrying. But all this was long ago
 Well. I should say. twas last summer; You read the account, I know, In the papers-'twas a hummer. How she managed to elope With a curly-headed actor. In this stunt of hers, I hope,
 Common sense was not a factor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
seabosrd Bonds to be cashed.

New York, August 1s-The time fixed under the adjustment plan fos the deposit of bonds for the Seaboard Air Line was not extended today. The reorganization committee voted down a proposition to this effect The time expires on August Ia. according to the original plan. Secre- tary Douglas c. Porter of the commits teei announced that bonds will be re- ceived by Repositories al overdue coupon on the first mortgage per cent bonds cashed up to p. m. on Monday, Au- gust 1&
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
SET THE EXAMPLE.

In spite of the heartache. in spite of the
 pain,
 In spite of the burdens we bear Iris a good old world, with it's sunshine
 and rain, The best that we know anywhere. The frown that it wears Is reflected from
 you
 It follows your lead all the while; Just the minute you say that you won't
 be blue, You'll find that it's wearing a smile!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
STEALING FOR A WOMAN.

pr I91A I1I1NU HOh A WOlhAN. "A fool there was''-you know the rest By Kipling vividly told; Iris old as the tide from east to west, As old as the world is old But danger signs don't have much weight. Nor warnings win you thanks; The vampire gloats, brought up to date, Der a trail of busted banks
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

favors there the open door. Japan at any rate buys our raw cotton, and in that way America shares in the Manehurian trade in cotton goods.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The English sparrow has been of fieially condemned by the department of agriculture. It is declared to be noisy, filthy, quarrelsome, destructive, opposed to an insect diet, and unfit to wear on a hat
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

An umpire in Pennsylvania was chased up a tree during a baseball game and held prisoner for several hours. In the meanwhile the game went on under another umpire, for umpires are a necessary evil.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Henry Gassaway Davis, who is about 100 years old, turns out to be de- scendant of Charlemagne, and that may be why he was defeated for vice president,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

And straw hats are to be called in in a little over a month!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The entire country regrets that Bob Burdette, the Burlington Hawkeye man, has been compelled by illness to leave his pulpit in Los Angeles.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Milwaukee Is to have homecoming week and a scarcity of bartenders in other cities is anticipated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

King Edward is getting to be vet eran ruler, for he has entered upon the ninth year of his reign.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Harvest hands at present are even more popular in Minnesota than Gov ernor Johnson.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The airship man declines to be called a chauffeur He claims to De pro lessor of aviation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

No locality in New England, not even Boston, now outranks Beverly, Mass.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

John Bull may be scared but he keeps on turning out Dreadnoughts and. getting ready for the final con test over the control of the sea.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

As the pattest of all standpatters Uncle Joe Cannon leads all the rest, and the odium of standpatters prom ises to fall chiefly on his head
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The ranks of the Brigham Young widows are growing thinner
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The British seem to think American pork is of higher grade than Chinese pork. and the latter is boycotted by English consumers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
WAITING FOR JONES

Tommy. Is your sister at homer" ''Whut's yer name7" Smith
 Nav, she ain't at home"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Cleveland is tired of being consld- cred a 3-cent city and Tom Jonnsoh has scored his fourth defeat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

In President Taft's 13,OO0-mlle swing he will make more one-nlght stands than a one-horse theatrlcai company.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

The Cubs are trying to overtake the Pirates before Honus Wagner pesllls again to bat the ball over the fence.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
DRIVEN TO IT.

DftI V EN IO IT. '.I see where a man in Yonkers, N. Y. committed suicide by throwing himself in front of train Poor chapl wonder why he did it?" Didn't just tell you he was in Yon- kers?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Wall street points to the crops and a new tariff and invites the lambs to come in.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

George Bernard Shaw and Mrs. Pankhurst will soon be in our midst and then there will be real activity in the land.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

There is no closed season on czars in Russia.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Scientists say men will yet develop cloven feet, and horns should go along.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

'The prisoner is charged with having a thirst. What has he to say for him self?"
 He says. your honor, that all he craves Is spring water"
 Well. in that case, we'll have to turn him loose'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
TOO MUCH GOLF?

Gary does not feel at home under the lid.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
A HUMANE PERSON.

A HUMANE PERSON. He thought it would be cruel To drown the little things I'm telling now bout kittens, The kind the cat stork brings. So, while he wept profusely, He searched the closet shelves And found some poison for their milk And let them kill themselves.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
IN ARID ALABAMA.

I'll find that it's wearing a smilel
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

 at any rate buys our raw cotton, and in that way America shares in the Manchurian trade in cotton goods.
 
 An umpire in Pennsylvania was chased up a tree during a baseball game and held prisoner for several hours. In the meanwhile the game went on under another umpire for umpires are a necessary evil
  The English sparrow has been of fieially condemned by the department of agriculture It is declared to be noisy, filthy, quarrelsome, destructive, opposed to an insect diet, and unfit to wear on hat.
 Henry Gassaway Davis, who is about 100 years old, turns out to be a de- scendant of Charlemagne and that may be why he was defeated for vice president
 As the pattest of all standpatters Uncle Joe Cannon leads all the rest, and the odium of standpatters prom ises to fall chiefly on his head. John Bull may be scared but he keeps on turning out Dreadnoughts and. getting ready for the final con test over the control of the sea
 
 The entire country regrets that Bob Burdette, the Burlington Hawkeye man. has been compelled by illness to leave his pulpit in Los Angeles.
  The British seem to think American pork is of higher grade than Chinese pork, and the latter is boycotted by English consumers.
 George Bernard Shaw and Mrs. Panlxhurst will soon be in our midst and then there will be real activity in the land.
 In President Taft's 1S,OOO-mile swing he will make more one-night stands than a one-horse theatrlcai company.
  The Cubs are trying to overtake the Pirates before Honus Wagner begins again to bat the ball over the fence.
 
 Cleveland is tired of being consid- cred a 3-cent city, and Tom Johnson has scored his fourth defeat. King Edward is getting to be vet eran ruler, for he has entered upon the ninth year of his reign. Milwaukee Is to have homecoming week. and a scarcity of bartenders in other cities is anticipated.
  The airship man declines to be called A chauffeur. He claims to be a pro lessor of aviation.
 Harvest hands at present are even more popular in Minnesota than Gov ernor Johnson.
 Wall street points to the crops and a new tariff and invites the lambs to come in.
 Scientists say men will yet develop cloven feet, and horns should go along.
 No locality in New England, not even Boston, now outranks Beverly, Mass.
 The ranks of the Brigham Young widows are growing thinner And straw hats are to be called In in a little over a monthl
  There is no closed season on czars in Russia
 Gary does not feel at home under the lid.
 TOO MUCH GOLF?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

BEWARE. "All the worlds a stage" And all the trap-doors are open."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14

Anther mans life has been saved by chew Of tobacco. Still, there isn't any way to decorate a chew of tobacco.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-14
AGREED.

In the window of Birmingham piano store two kittens sleep every night with their heads propped on the pedals of a grand plano, undisturbed by the glare of street lights and the gaze of pedestrians who stop to contemplate this picture of feline bliss
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
Fairfield County News.
Struck by Lightning.

Durinr Sunday afternoons thunder shower. at Darien, lightning struck and destroyed Wdlliam Staffer's barn; at Glenbroolx, the house of Llewelyn Bromfield was struck and the rool badly damaged; at East Norwalk, the house of Edward Saunders was consid- era.bly damaged; in Norwalk, Mrs. Ju- i. 1ia Sweeney's home was struck, the lightning entering in the upper part of the structure and tearing away the { house was struck the cupola being wrecked; also a bolt came down the chimney of John A. Montgomery's res tanrant, and did much damage.
 Autos in Collision.
 The automobile of Edward C.. Marsh of Danbury, was run into on the Lewisboro road near New Canaan on Sunday afternoon by a stearns touring car. The car was seen approaching at good speed by MT. Marsh, who turn ed out to give it room to pass. The front wheel of the Stearns struck the rear wheel of the Marsh auto and smashed the projecting hub. knocking the machine into the ditch. The col- Msion was severe enough to bend the axle of NIT. Marsh's machine, sbut did not turn it over. The projecting hub of MT. Marsh's car tore a. hole in the tire of the Stearns machine and smashed a. number of spokeS. MT. March was unable to learn the name of the owner of the Stearns car, but secured the number, SOTO.
 Loses s2oooo If She Weeds.
 Miss Eugenia Warren, one of the teachers in the Coscob school, is spend ing her vacation in Halifax. Miss Warren is a Iegatee under the will of Juliette w. Murray. in the sum of S20.- 900, while she continues unmarried, but in the case of her death or mar riage. the trust will terminate.
 Damages by Fire.
 The prank of small boys cost Oliver w. Starr of Danbury $126 Tuesday af- ternoon. MT. Starr has a farm and had stacked in a field there seven tons of hay, valued at $18 a ton. The hay was set on fire Tuesday afternoon and completely consumed.
 Fire Saturday in the plant of F. Beck & Co. resulted in damage esti- mated at .4,50o.
 Rev. IT. D. Benton Accepts. 2 Rev. Herbert H Benton, for the past five years pastor of the Uniyersalist church at Riverside, Cal, has accepted the call to the Stamford church.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
POLI'S

Honor to whom honor is due' has always been a motto of the manage ment at Polls, especially in regard to the artists employed upon the stage, no matter whether that artist was a, player of small parts or a leading man or a leading woman A most re- marlsable "happenstance" occurred during the early part of this week. MT. Ben s. Higgins. who played the part of Gus Ferris" in "The Heir to the Hoorah', was suddenly called to New York to start rehearsals for his Winter engagement MT. Higgins created the part of Ferris in the original production, and has played it for three years on the road. It was necessary on twenty-four hours mo- tice to press into service MT. Walter Marshall, who was seen in a small part in "The Squaw Man. the week previous. MT. Marshall went on the stage on Tuesday evening for the first time and played the part letter per feet, giving, as his colleagues on the stage all agreed, as good a perfor- nance as Mir. Higgins. The young man is entitled to a great deal of credit, which the management desires to give him for his work in this par ticular. The part is a prominent one as those who saw the piece will re- member, that is the part of the man who had so much trouble in wearing
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
CITY BRIEFS


 In order to allow the congregation to attend the Labor Day service at the South Congregational church Sun- day evening next for the benefit of the Fairfield County Anti-Tuberculo- sis Association, the evening service at the First Presbyterian church will be omitted Sunday.
 At the third of the series of recitals held Monday evening for the benefit of the Short Beach chapel at Short Beach near Branford, Raymond w. Case, Arthur Gabler and H. Hallock Cutler, all of this city, were the af- lists. The musical was given at the home of Mrs. A. Douglas.
 Preparations for the unveiling of seven monuments to deceased mem bers were made at the meeting of John c. Tuthill Camp, w. O. w. at thes meeting last night. The unveil- ing will take place Sept. 15 at Park cemetery, when the members of the camp accompanied by the w. o. w. band and the Uniformed rank will march in body from their hall to the cemetery. 9
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
Litchfeld County News.

eFuag Given George Junior Republic.
 Monday was notable for the Connec- ticut George Junior Republic, the oc- casion being the presentation and rais- ing of an American flag. The flag and a fifty-five foot staff were given by the Mary Floyd Tallmadge Chap ter, D. A. R., the presentation being made by the State Regent, Mrs. Eliza beth B. Buel, of Litchfield. Governor Weeks made an address in which he gave a brief history of the flag and discussed it's symbolism. Rear Adj miral Parker, retired, and Rear Ad- miral George P. ColWOcoresses, retired. also made addresses.
 Her Jaw Cracked.
 Eveline Taylor, young daughter of MT. Charles Taylor of Winsted. had her jaw cracked and sustained other apda of the family home. Monday,
 Missing From sThomaston.
 Michael whelan for several months ton for the Prudential Insurance Com spany, left suddenly last Thursday morning and has not since been heard of, Assistant Superintendent Ostran- der has found collections unaccounted for to the amount of about $75. Steps have been taken to locate the missing man who is about 25 years old and un- married.
 Frost. Tuesday Morning.
 Several towns near Winsted report ed a light frost Tuesday morning.
 Down With Typhoid.
 Six members of the family of John Bailey, colored. of Norfolk, are at the county hospital suffering with typhoid fever They are his five children, Charles. aged 2; Ellen, 8; Flora, 10; Garaf1, 12; and John. A. and Miss Rika Jackson, g, who has resided with the Baileys. An infected we'll } in the yard of the Bailey home is sup posed to have been responsible for the outbreak
 Small Boys Charged With Theft.
 Roy Jones, T, one of twin sons of MT. Charles L.. Wheeler, and Bertie Lo- gan, Il, were before Judge Seymour in the Wirsted town court, Thursday, charged with theft. The lads entered a. lodge room Wednesday afternoon and purloined a purse belonging to Mrs. Edward Nunan and a. bag of money owned by Mrs. Patrick Finn. They were suspected and when chased threw the stolen articles into the street. After the boys had been cap- tured 1t occurred to King T. Sheldon that the Jones boy accompanied him on a trip to Lake Wonksunkmonk sev- eral weeks ago when he lost a pocket book containing SPA and valuable pa pers. When questfoned the boy ad nitted that he picked the wallet from MT. Sheldon's pocket. Cases contin- 4ued.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
POIN1S OF INTEREST.

Removal of Gallagher & Gallagher.
 Gallagher & Gallagher, undertakers, have removed from ESQ Lafayette St., to 571 Fairfield avenue, where they will make extensive improvements.
 Annual Volksfest
 given by the Bridgeport Schwaben Benevolent Society will be given at grove Labor Day, Sept. 6, 1909. Music by Hutzel's orchestra.
 Do You Know
 of any purer or more wholesome ice than Hygienic, Ice? None purer frog en, even by nature herself. We use filtered and distilled water you know. The Naugatuck Valley Ice Co.,, 421 Telephone Connection. P. S.-Why not let us put in your winter coal now?
 Just Your Picking
 of four choice food specialties at Hayes Market: Fresh escallops, blue point oysters, picked crab meat, Ono shells,) soft crabs, any one of which is a choice feast by itself. First ship the other good things, Holsters. trout, harbor ,blues, bluefish & etc. The sweetest green corn and lima beans, tomatoes and other vegetables. poultry, meats, & etc. 62e Water street. Tel. 412
 Inere'S 5 fodSOn. There is a reason why Crawford S finest establishments of its kind in New England, is so successful. It is due to the superior class of work turned out of this establishment, the care that is exercised with individual linen and the family wash, the fact and that modern appliances figure in the work. If you want best results send your wash here Deliveries by automobile and prompt. Tel. 291O.
 Fresh Seafood.
 The oyster season is now at hand. If you want the best in the city, just call up Garry's Fish Market. Kenne- but. large bluefsh harbor bluefish, sea bass, Spanish mackerel Southport eels, steak cod, live lovsters. hard and soft shell crabs long, round, and little neck clans. and oysters. A new arrival of gold fish. the prettiest in the city. Garry's Fish Market. 100 Wall street. Tel. 583
 Only Two More Excursions
 The last two matinee excursions of the season on the steamer, Park City to Port Jefferson, N. Y., will be given Friday and Saturday of this week, the steamer leaving the wharf at the foot of Fairfield avenue at 1:30 o'clock, re- turning arriving in Bridgeport at p. nl., thus allowing one hour and thirty minutes at Port Jefferson and three hours on Long Island Sound. This is indeed most pleasant and 1nvigorat- ing trip and a full half days enjoy ment. The Lyric orchestra will fur irish one of the most excellent concerts each day, which is in itself rare treat. Special low fares are given on these excursions, children under twelve years of age half fare, under five, free.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02

a collar. It has been said that every man or woman has his opportunity, and it would almost seem as though MT. Marshall had jumped into fame at this. an opportunity to show what he could do, and he makes himself all the more famous by doing it, as you would say, on the spur of the mo-
 nent. He has created laugh after laugh in his own particular work, be- ing ably assisted by the other mem- bers of the great Stock Company, who are giving us this last week of Stock, one of the very best bits of work and best plays put on during the season.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-09-02
Evelyn Needs Cash
 More Than Divorce

New York, Sept. 2-Mrs Evelyn Nesbit Tllaw said yesterday in her West Thirty-tfird Street apartment, when asked regarding persistent ru- colony in Reno, Nevada, that She didn't intend to go there and that she was tired of hearing the reports that she was N
 '"I need money more than I need a divorce just at present." said Mrs. Thaw, land I shall make no plans un- til arrange a. settlement with the ThaW family.".