Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1909-12-23
The Doyeys'
Anniversary

Gated.
To those adventures who are about
| to dispense with the compass Of in
| dependence as a preliminary measure
to embarking on foggy and rock
bound sea (known on the maps as the
Sea Of Matrimony, these few lines are
most respectfully dedicated
To that noble army of conuuerors
whose ambitions to better the world
are gradually changed into an ambi-
ton to kiss the lips of a certain lady,
these few lines are most respectfully
dedicated
To that uneasy company of match
makers, maiden aunts, waggish uncles
and to all and sundry which in any
way are guilty OF aiding and abetting
the innocents above named, these few
lines are most inexorably dedicated
let them save themselves who can.
Time: Seven o'clock in the evening.
Scene: The dining room of Mr.. and
Mrs. Dewey on the first anniversary of
their wedding day.
Dramatis Personae: Mr.. and Mrs.
Dewey
And as Mr.. Dewey comes In while
the clock Is striking let us turn to
Mrs. Dewey and apply the interrogat-
cries to the manner in which she well
comes her liege lord and master
Does she meet him with a loving
word? No, no.
Does she warm him with a melting
look of love? No, no.
Does she fling her arms around him,
crying "My life! My ALL" and she'd
ding tears Of emotion? No, no.
Does she give him shy look, fond
look, a dropping look, a winning, a
glorious look, stirring look, soul
full look, rapturous look, an ecstatic
look wink or a nod? All, no. On
the contrary, she gives him a harsh
look cold look, cruel look, a pierre
ing look, a froWning look a look of
vinegar, short look, a sharp look, a
contemptuous look, sniff and a
f1ounce.
It's wonder" said she, that you
couldn't get home early-this night of
all nights"
ooh, it is, is it?" said he.
And growing keen in conjugal repair
tee, she answered him in fiery tones,
crying:
yes; it is; is it,"
HUM" said he
And HUM" said she. And HUM
said she again.
pleasant greeting" said he.
las pleasant as you'll get" said she
Where have you been?' said she.
Never you mind,'' said he.
But l do mind" said she.
ooh, you do, eh?" said he.
yes, | do eh?" said she Where
have you been?" And in trembling
tones she warned him, Don't you try
to make fool Of mel"
THE effort would be superf1uous, :"
said he.
Whereupon she wept
That's right" said he. CRY"
"Boo-hoo!" said she.
Keep it up!" said he. Make home
p2easant!' said he.
bUO-uOO-uOC.
said she.
BAH" said he.
And all at once she faced him like
a tigress.
Say that again." she cried
Say what AGAIN." said he, blinking
his eyes.
You know what" she cried.
mo, | don't!" said he.
Yes, you dol" she cried, and rails
ing the pitch of her voice even higher
she blazed once more, Say that
again."
"Oh, I'd say it if I wanted tot" said
he
Say it," she shouted
Maybe you think I'm scared to say
it," said he.
Say it!'' she screamed.
BAH" said he.
She seized a plate from the table,
hurriedly put it back, seized another,
raised 1t above her head and smashed
it on the floor.
''There!" she cried, picking up an
OIISI pldIS tuu nO1ulUS II dlOIL-
There! Now say it again!"
"Angeline!" he pleaded in sudden
alarm.
Say it again!" she cried. Say it
again!"
"Angeline!" he repeated ''Don'ti
Don't dear! Don't! You'll make your
self i'll You mustn't work yourself up
like that! You mustn't! didn't mean
to hurt your feelings, dear-honestly
and truly l didn't
She wept again and suffered him to
take the plate from her.
Dear little girl! What brute
was! | was working late at the Office,
dear Forgive me- What a brute
was. What a b-b-b-b-b-b-''
They wept together, and after he
| had promised her all those things
which her heart desired she dried her
eyes and took thought of admiration
with herself, thinking;
How smart I was not to take that