davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
A Crazy Mans Humor.

Some time ago a man at Ypsilanti,
Mich. became crazed on the subject
of hypnotism, and was sent on a
Michigan Central train to an asylum.
When the conductor asked for tickets
the crazy man began telling of his
hypnotic powers.
I'll hypnotic you," he said.
Fire away" replied the conductor.
The man made several passes be-
fore the conductors face.
Now you are hypnotized," he said.
The conductor looked the part as
best he could.
You're conductor" the hypnotist
said.
That's right" replied the victim.
You're good CONDUCTOR" went on
the hypnotist.
Right again." said the conductor.
You don't smoke, drink or swear
at passengers. You are honest. You
turn in all tickets and money you col
lect from passengers. In fact, you
do not steal cent"
That's right" asserted the conduc-
tor
The hypnotist eyed him moment,
then said:
What an awful fix you'd be in If I
left you in this condition."-
City Star
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Use Of Automobiles.

1t is certain that with the rapidly
expanding use of the automobile there
will be decrease in the number of
stables where horses are kept, at
tended by decrease in the number of
flies and consequent decrease in the
menace of typhoid fever, for the re-
lation between stables, flies and
typhoid fever is now well established.
From the ratio of cars now in use it
is estimated that with an average of
five persons to the family, one family
in every forty will have an automobile
next year-that is to say, there will
be an automobile to every 200 of the
entire population of the country. Up
to 1895 there were 70 automobiles in
the United States, valued at s157, 500.
In 1904. 10000 cars We're built at an
average price of $4,000. In 1908, 55.-
600 cars were built, and the output for
this year will be close to $4,000. at an
average price of $1,25O. The estimates
for next year place the number of new
machines at 100000, valued at $780,
100000. or an average of $1,000.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Wanted No Mistak.

Little four-year-old Charlie has new
neighbors of whom he has become
quite fonda DR.. Abingdon, wife, and
five-year-old daughter who, like an old.
time playmate of Charles, is named
Dorothy.
The other night Charlie made re-
vision of his prayers, making the adj
dition, God bless DR.. Abingdon, Mrs.
Abingdon, and Dorothy" After max
ing his plea he hoped into his
trundle bed and prepared for sleep.
His mother, watching him, thought
the Sandman had surely come until
Charlie suddenly leaped out of bed
and fell again on his knees.
ooh God" he exclaimed, 81 want
you to bless Dorothy Abingdon, not
Dorothy Perkins"
And then he went to sleep satisfied.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
DESCRIBING THE HIRED GIRL
According to the Listeners Her
Mistress Had.

The character OF the new cook as
reported to various persons by Mrs.
Jones:
To Mrs. Smith, whom the cook has
left because of too much company:
Really, you know, Mrs. Smith, she
is a perfect jewel. l can't understand
her attitude with you in regard to
company You know we've had extra
people to almost every meal since
she's been with us, and she has never
raised the slightest objection"
To the cook herself: Really, Mary,
| don't want to be hard taskmistress,
but think that your fiat refusal to do
the ironing this once, now that my ex-
ira woman has disappointed me, is
rather unkind. Pm just little dis
arpointed in YOU"
To Mr. Jones: Il must say I've had
better girls. She gets the work done,
but she's awfully slovenly This morn
ing | found that she's been in the
habit of sweeping the dirt from the
kitchen, behind the stove, instead of
taking it up. She's got pretty bad
her. She talks back something aw-
fui.''
To her sister-in-law: "You know
have way with my hired girls, Jane.
Mary don't dare say much to me; l
won't stand for it,
To her mother: I'm having an cas-
iar time with Mary than with any girl
I've had almost since | was married.
hope can keep heA long time"
To Mrs. Brown, who had inveigled
Mary from Mrs. Jones by the promise
OF higher wages: my hired girl Mary,
has gotten a new place, and I'm so
Glad. was going to discharge her
| tomorrow, anyway She can't cook,
she's uncleanly, and she has temper
like termagant She made life mis-
cradle to me while she was in the
house. i. Oh, is it to you she's
going? I'm SO sorry-Im so sorry
didn't know, and do hope that moth
ing I've said will make you regret your
choice of a new girl."-Puck.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
RuraIar,s Tools.

According to recent decision of
the Kentucky court of appeals bank
cannot recover indemnity from a
casualty or burglary insurance com.
pany in the case of robbery through
intimidation of the cashier or other
official.
1t appears that the bank in this
case had closed and the money had
been locked in the safe, when rob.
bers appeared, held up the cashier and
forced him to open the safe. The
casualty policy provided indemnity
only in cases, after the bank had
closed, where entrance was made to
the safe "5y means of tools or ex-
plosives employed directly there
upon
The bank claimed that the cashier
formed a tool within the meaning of
the policy, but the court holds that
more ordinary burglars tools were
meant.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
A Brave Man.

Former Gov. William Sprague Of
Rhode Island celebrated last month
his seventy-ninth birthday. He is the
only surviving war governor.
A reporter questioned Gov. Sprague
one day at Narragansett about
bravery.
There is a finer bravery shown in
civil than in military life," the veteran
statesman said: II remember one Of
eur Providence fire chiefs.
"a green fireman resigned from the
Providence service because his chief
he said, was cruel and inhuman.
How cruel and inhuman?' they
asked him.
"'Why,' the fireman whined, at last
weeks tenement fire he ordered me
to carry section of hose right in be
tween two walls that were just on the
point of tumbling.'
"'And what did you dog
"I refused, of course. told the
chief it was as much as a mans life
was worth to 80 in there, and
wouldn't do It,
"'Well, what did che chief do then?
'Ha, ha, ha. The crazy fool car
vted the hose in himself"
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Rich Mems Gifts Are Poor

besides this: II want to go on record as
saying that regard Electric Bitters as
one of the greatest gifts that God has
made to woman" writes Mrs. o. Rhine
vault of yestal Ceuter, N. Y, 81 can
never forget what it has done for me-"
This glorious medicine gives woman
buoyant spirits, vigor o. body and iubi-
liant heelth. 1t quickly cures nervous
ness, slerp'essness, melancholy, head
ache, backache, fainting and dizzy
spells; soon builds mp the weak. ailing
and sicdlo. Try them. SOC at Nick Doff-
ing.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
What viii the Doctors Dor

There are, it is estimated, 1850, 900
persons in the United States who, in.
stead Of calling in a physician when
they are sick, resort to some one of
the many forms of drugless healing.
OF these systems at least two-thirds
are mind cures" Ten years from now
Judging from the rate of increase dur.
ing the past ten years, there will be
,55,0OO,O0O persons relying on non.
medical methods.-Van Norden Mag.
,azine.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Lost Him a Sale.

"He is cynic," said Senator Till.
man of political antagonist. HE
mstrusts all things. He's as bad as
the Chicago drummer.
"A Chicago drummer visited a pro.
hibition state. A prohibitionist Gus.
toner said to him proudly:
No, sir; the words beer and whisky
are unknown in this town.
"The drummer nodded and whis.
pered:
az see. What does one ask for?' "
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Proof.

Mrs. Ponsonby says she is fond
u roast lamb"
II guess that's true. She's always
roasting Mr.. Ponsonby and he takes 1t
Axe lamb
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The above is the name of German
chemical, which is one of the many val
liable ingredients of Foley's Kidney
Remedy. amethylenetetramin is
recognized by medical text books and
authorities as uric acid solvent and an.
tiseptic for the urine. Take Foley's Kid
ney Remedy as soon as you notice any
Irregularities and avoid serious malady
Sold by all druggists.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23

The next time one of the children
catch cold, give it something that will
promptly and freely but gently move
the bovals. In that way the cold will at
once be driven out of the system. Ken
nedy's Laxative Cough Syrup moves
the bowels promptly and freely, yet
gently, and at the same time heals irri-
tations and stops the cough, 1t is espec-
tally good for children. Sold by all
druggists.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
This Is Worth Rene mber,ng

Whenever you have cough or cold,
Just remember that Foiey's Honey and
Tar will cure it. Remember the name,
Foloy s Honey and Tar, and refuse sub
stitutes. Sold by all druggists.
Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-12-23
Fully Explained.

GLOW much amused Mrs. Pinkletor
seems to be over her husbands stupid
jokes"
Eyes. It's the only way she can
get a new hat out Of the brute"
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
POLICE AND FIRsMEN AT FAIR.

Every Precaution viii Be Taken at
Miohigan's Annual Exhibition TO
Protect Lives and Property of
Everyone Who Visits the Grounds.
The management of the Michigan
State Fair, which opens this year on
September 2, at Detroit, and continues
until September 10, has planned to
give the exhibition city every facility
for safety. This applies both to police
and fire protection This is as IL
should be. as thousands and thousands
of dollars worth OF property are taken
10 the grounds during the week of
fair The Detroit police and the sher-
if and his deputies have planned this
year, as heretofore to make the expo
sition as safe from disorderly charac-
ters and thugs as is done down in De-
troit. Gambling will not be permit
ted and everything that tends to lower
the high standard of the fair will be
eliminated.
The protection against fire is as
complete as any section of Detroit.
An engine house with full equip
ment OF metropolitan fire fighters
from the Detroit department will
again be constantly on duty during
the exposition. With such facilities
as these, il is almost impossible for a
fire disaster to occur. The Michigan
State Fair is practically an organized
city and every comfort will be given
visitors that can be secured down in
Detroit
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
CHILDREN TO SING AT FAIR.
Miss Gertrude Sackett to Lead Chorus
Consisting of Sixty Little Folks at
Michigan's Annual Exhibition, This
Year

One of the most pleasing features
of the coming state Fair is the chill
dren's chorus TO be arranged by Miss
Gertrude Sackott, Of Detroit. A con
tract was closed with Miss Sackett
for this plcasia- AZURE at meeting
Of the fair officials held the pres
ent week This energetic young
woman has arranged TO train
sixty little girls, ranging from
zen years and upwards, so that
they can sing with ut music or words
They viii appeal all in white in the
big grandstand in the grove, west of
the main building, every day at the
noon hour. The children's program is
composed of patriotic songs both new
and old and some novelties will be
interspersed These children will
come from every part of the city, and
few from the suburban towns.
The Ladies' Navassar band will ac-
company the children in their singing
which will make one of the finest fea-
lures of this big exhibition. This band
will come to Detroit direct from To
ronto and besides accompanying the
children's chorus, they will play every
afternoon and evening. Kopp's band,
the big Cincinnati aggregation. will be
heard principally in the grandstand
during the races, the horse show and
the free acts. This is one of the finest
musical organizations now appearing
before the public, and has made
great success during the past summer
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
LADIES' BAND is TO PLAY.
Michigan State Fair Engages Two Big
Aggreeations to Furnish Music at
the Coming Fair-Both Bodies
Composed of Artists.

Visitors at the Michigan State Fair,
which opens this year on September
2, will have the pleasure of ENJOYING
two of the largest and most celebrat-
ed bands in the United States. Kopp's
aggregation, from Cincinnati, with
thirty-hve pieces and the Navassar
Ladies' band, with forty pieces, have
been engaged for the entire exhibit
ton
Those two musical organizations
have regulations all over the country
for playing thrilling music with eli
makes that bring audiences to their
feet with a bound. The Navassar La
dies band will come to Detroit direct
from the Toronto exhibition, where
they have been engaged to play dur
ing the first week of that fair
Each of these organizations is filed
with artists Of international fame. The
fair management engages these two
bands for their educational value as
well as for entertainment. Eminent
soloists will also sing at various times
during the fair which is an added
treat not usually enjoyed at such ex-
hibitions. The Michigan State Fair is
really an educational institutional, and
as such the management is planning
to make it the very best, through the
means of high class talent and exhib-
its
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13

Plain, Fancy and Cornice Brick, Build
ing Blocks and Vaults always in stock
We also have large amount of Wire
Fence and Gates. Come and examine
the fence that is built to give satisfaction
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
FAIR WILL PLEASE EVERYONE.

The modern state fair, such as that
which will open in Detroit on Sept
| 2. and continue un II Sept 10, is not
commercial enterprise nor a money
making scheme, but place where
views can be exchanged and informa-
ion "swapped." Farmers and others
vi meet and discuss their common
.roIbles and tell of their success and
failures Men show what they have
done and others learn what can be
done. A modern fair also promotes
Industry by giving to all who attend
a larger view of 'he possibilities of
life. This is an industrial era and
Il the farmer. merchant, mechanic
and professional man wish to keep
pace with the times they must know
what is being done in all the avenues
Of trade, commerce and manufacture.
One way to do this is to take part IN
The annual Michigan State Fair This
institution Us planned to educate and
lncite the producer to higher ideals
of perfection. That this is true is
evident from what the fair has ac-
complished all through the state dur
ing the many years 1t has been in ex-
lstence
There is also the amusement fea-
ture. which cannot be overlooked.
There is an immense value OF the
most practical kind in wholesome
recreation and amusements such as
those Afforded at the Michigan State
Fair. Men, women and children must
be entertained in some way. The ele-
waiting character of fine music is
everywhere recognized Good racing
and feets of skill of all kinds are al
ways enjoyed.
The Michigan State Fair has>some-
thing for everyone. II is for the
young and old. the serious and the
gay rich and the ppor--at once an
education and an opportunity.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
washlnelon's plaaue spots

lie in the low, marshy bottoms of the
Potomac, the breeding ground OF ma
laria germs. These germs cause chills,
fever aud ague, billiOusne,s. jaundice,
lassitude. weakness and general debility
and bring suffering or death TO thou
sands yearly. But Electric Bitters never
fail to destroy them and cure malaria
troubles. "They are the best all-round
tonic and cure for malaria lever used,'
writes II. M James, of Louellen, :. &.
They cure stomach, liver, kidney and
blood troubles and will prevent ty-
phoid. Try them, soc. Guaranteed by
Pollock Il IIennessy.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13

When the stomach, heart or kidney
nerves get weak then these organs al.
ways fail. Don't drug the stomach
nor stimulate the heart or kidneys
That is simply make-shift. Get a
prescription known to druggists every
where as DR.. ShaOp's Restorative. The
Restorative is prepared expressly for
these inside nerves. Strengthen these
nerves, build them up with Dr. Shops
Observation-Disclosures or liquid land see
how quickly help will come. Sold by
Pollock q Hennessy.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13

Served as coffee, the new coffee sub
stitute known to grocers everywhere as
DIR. Shops Health Coffee, will trick
even a coffee expert. Not grain of
real coffee in it either. Pure healthful
toasted grains, malt, nuts, ETC., have
been so cleverly blended as to give a
wonderfully satisfying coffee taste and
flavor. And it is 'made i'm a minute,
too. No tedious 20 to 30 minute boil
ing. Sold by all grocers.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13

On the road between YaIeand James
Clark's, three miles east aud one and
one half miles south of Yale on Saturs
day, August Z, brown leather pocket
5000 Finder will be rewarded by
returning same to Exposition office. II.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13

Pain anywhere stopped in 20 minutes
sure with one of DR.. Shops Pink Pain
Tablets. The formula is on the 25c
box. Ask your doctor or druggist
about this formula! Stops womanly
pains, headache, pains anywhere. Write
DIR. Shoop, Racine, Wis, for free trial
to prove valne of his Headache or Pink
Pain Tablets. Sold by Pollock ~ Hen
messy,
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
How About 1t Eth ?

81 shall never speak to Jane again
the mean thing"
whats the matter? 2"
I'll gave her pickle dish for her we'd
ding present, and she got three Others
exactly like it would you believe
it?-mine was the one she exchanged"
Detroit Free Press.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
For Sale at Riaht Prices.

| have several houses and lots in
Yale and number of desirable farms
for sale ut prices that are right.
% J. A. Rapley. Yale.
The Yale expositor., 1909-08-13
ADVERTISED LETTERS.

Mrs. Geo. Kenney
Glenn Kettle
Fred Parks
Austin Wentworth
+. Harvey Drake, L. M.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1909-07-15
NOTICE TO WATER USERS.
State Engineers ONCE

State Engineers Office
Salt Lake City, Utah. June %, 1893.
Notice is hereby given that A. F.
Parker, whose post office address is
ogden, Utah, has made application in
accordance with the requirements Of
Chapter l08. Session Laws OF Utah,
1905. as amended by the Session Laws
Of Utah, 1907, 10 appropriate nine thou
sand 10000 acre-feet of water from
the Tieht-hand branch of the South
Fork of ogden River, Weber County,
Utah Said water will be stored when
ever available during the period from
January l to December 81, inclusive
of each year, in a reservoir embraced
in Sections 81 50 and sc, Township Z
north, Range 3 east and Sections 2
and 8 Township 6 north, range east,
Salt Lake base ana meridian. The
water so stored viii be released from
said reservoir into a pipe line when
ever necessary during the above nam
ed period. at a point which lies 7S5
feet south from the east quarter cor
ner of Section 81, Township Z north,
Range 3 east, Salt Lake base and
meridian. from where it viii be con-
veyed for distance of about 10000
feet, where 1t will be used TO develop
power for the purpose of electric light
Ing and propelling machinery in towns
in Ogden Valley and Ogden City, Utah.
After having been so diverted and
used. the water will be returned to
the natural channel of the stream, at
a point which bears south so degrees
east 2,162 feet distant from the north
east corner of Section Is. Township
6 north, Range , east. salt Lake oase
and meridian This application is des-
iGnated in the State Engineers Office
as No. 1S4S
All protests against the granting OF
said application. stating the reasons
therefor, must be made BY affidavit In
duplicate and filed in this Office with
in thirty 800 days aftor the compile
tion of the publication Of this notice
CALEB TANNER,
State Engineer.
Date of first publication June "a.
1909. date of completion of publication
July &c. 1909.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1909-07-15
JeFFRIEs ANGRY AT REPORTS

Toronto July 1i.-James j. Jeffries,
who is in Toronto. said today he would
would be ready TO fight Jack Johnson
at the appointed time. Sam Berger,
who Is Jc1fries' manager as well as his
Sparring partner, said that Johnson
would probably not be on hand when
they reached Chicago A dispatch
from Chicago today said that Johnson
would confront Jeffries in Chicago on
Saturday with $4,000 forfeit to bind
a match
JeGries is angry at the reports that
he does not Intend TO fight Johnson,
but that he is just holding it up as a
bait TO catch the public during his the
atrical tour,
"Tl fight him." he said, and it
won't be any Tommy Burns that he
will find In the ring Burns a cham
pion? Well. he was a good fast little
boy, but no match for big man.
Who is champion? Well. | can't be
blamed for claiming the title. | won
the championship from all comerS.
and my four years retirement was due
TO the fact that there was nobody 10
fight. / could not get anybody to give
me a battle, so | turned to other lines
OF cndeavor,
THAT was a fake story that i gave
the title to Marvin Hart when | re-
tired from the ring. It's absurd on the
face of it, / could not give the title,
even If | wanted TO. and what's moro,
did not,
However. [ am ready again to do
business at the old stand. You can
see for yourself what condition I'm
in. ! weigh 235 pounds now and I've
taken of IS pounds since | started
training. / hurt my left hand month
ago. but It's all right now.
The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1909-07-15
YOUNG COR BETT
TRAINING HARD
Expects to BE in Good Condition
for Fight With
Frayne.

San Francisco. July 13.-BXcuTsions
TO Billy Shannons at San Rafael,
where Billy Rothwell ("Young Cor
bett"D is training for his match With
Johnny Frayne on the 17tn of this
month. arc becoming quite popular
among the sporting men on this side
OF the bay. Everyone seems anxious
to sec the popular little Denverite
at his work and TO find out just how
much truth there is In the rumor that
he has come back" Corbett, In his
prime, was one of the most popular
fighters who ever drew on glove,
and his rejuvcnation. coming in such
n spectacular manner after almost four
years Of retirement. is consequently
hailed with delight by hundreds of his
friends and admirers.
The lightweight seems TO realize,
even in his training, that his argu-
ment with Frayne will be one Of the
critical periods of his professional ca
reer, and no fighter ever trained more
honestly and conscientlously for con"
test than Billy is training today. When
he arrived in San Francisco a few
weeks ago he was the pOsseSsor of a
punch which turned several Of the
%ell-fed local sports green with envy.
Indeed il is remarkable now Corbett
could put up the fights that he did in
the east with his stomach in the con.
dition 1t was. Since beginning his
work. this surplus girth has been slow
ly but surely disappearing, until TO-
day little remains but firm. hard mus
cles covering his entire abdomen, and
capable of withstanding the severest
sort of punishment Corbett will be
in the greatest shape he has known
since he left the ring for the CLINT
and glitter Of the Great White Way
Johnny Frayne is rapidly rounding
into perfect form out at MillettS and
VIII, if anything probably enter the
ring a pound or two underweight if
he keeps working at the present clip.
Johnny is a dreless performer in
training, and he keeps banging things
around the gymnasium until his man
ager and trainer take all the appara-
tus away from him and tie him down
on the rubbing table Johnny likes the
braclng climate of Colma and declares
that it IS fitting him for the greatest
showing of his career.