davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Minister-elect Calhoun should en-
bark In Chicago on a flying machine
headed straight without stops to Peldn.
Talks to the man in the moon do not
count.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

A child of the poor may need a pair
of shoes, but It sees no shoes In It's
dreams.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Albert T. Patrick is the greatest
beneficiary of the laws delays.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
FEW EXCEPTIONS.
AN OLD ApAcE REVISED.

From the Washington Herald.
The result in Alabama shows con-
clusively that every gittering paramount
issue Is not necessarily gold.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

A New York doctor says suicide is
the poor mans right 1t Is something
to know that poor man has right
of any kind in a plutocratic country.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
WHAT IS WALKER AFrER7

OF the 81 counties in Alabama Wal
and sixth in taxable values. Don't let
this fact ssscaps your memory. Mr..
Slate-maker, or you may miscalculate.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

resident Taft says we are at peace
with all the world. Pray, where does
Mr.. Zelaya live.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Boss Murphy has to go to Judge
Gaynor, for the mayor-elect does not
know the way to Tammany Hall.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Mr.. Taft says all may look at the
tariff but no one should touch 1t at
present. 1t has become sacred again.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

The things that people wanted to
hear about today were put of by Mr..
Taft until tomorrow.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

The days are but nine hours long
but they will soon reform and do
better.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

The loan shark and hookworm
should be Gagged together, and left to
fight it out.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
PROUD OF THE RESULT,

From the Houston Post.
If Alabama had voted down that
amendment just to please US, we could
not have been prouder of the result.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Tom Lawson has a new dictionary
which enables him to call Taft a
"puddledub" president.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Mexico has concluded that she can
not afford to do the innocentbystander
act In Nicaraguan affairs.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Congress got its Christmas present
nearly a month ahead of time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

Instead of dredging the river the
government is now engaged In dredg-
ing the Prairie out of the mud.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
PURELY SECTIONAL.

PURELY SECTIONAL.
NEARLY every bookcase in Colonel Sog-
gersby's library is sectional bookcase
why, I thought his library contained
nothing but old-fashioned furniture?"
$50 1t does, but all OF his bookcases
are full of books lambasting the Yam
KEGS
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
King Gustaf Of Sweden had no rich

to mix with stevedores until he had a
union card.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
RpetG,,,ea

Immediately We were inspired to write
a joke.
THE MORAL WE DRAW.
Breathe plenty of fresh air."
CHORUS OF KNOCKERS.
Keep the windows down."
THE HELPFUL SORT.
The people who frolic along
And seldom are given to worry:
Who always have time for a song
And may not be wondrously rich
They can't lend a helping hand
To one who Is down In the ditch.
May not be renowned in the land
And may not be wonderously rich.
But their hearts are as free as the Iar1x
As happy and wholesome and light.
And they won't be afraid of the dark
When the time rolls around for Good
night
A MISSING FEATURE.
What do you think of this picture en-
titled. Morning 2"
1T lacks realism"
"Indeed?"
There ought to be an alarm clock
somewhere in the foreground
PREPARED.
''Twisgs tells me that he has already
done his Christmas shopping"
Yes; he's bought his booze"
FEW EXCEPTIONS.
Most every man
Feels like q winner
Just after he's had
A dainty dinner.
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
A MISSING FEATURE.
PREPARED.

"Twiggs tells me that he has already
done his Christmas shopping"
Yes; he's bought his booze"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12
Evidences Of Thrift.
vo,, don't believe Birmingham

eff you don't believe Birmingham IL
in the midst of prosperity just glance
over Sunday editions of The Age-Herald
these days" said Robert l.. Murphy. OF
the Murphy Advertising company, "and
notice the great number OF advertise
ments, especially of full pages. A full
page adver' sement is an eloquent t,sti-
nloninl az the healthiness Of general trade
conditions and from the number appear
ing in The Age-Herald Birmingham is
extraordinarily healthful.
by Wednesday of the past week
had written quite number of these full
page ads which will appear this Sunday
while the entire week was rushing one
The 'ad' writer's of Birmingham have
had their hands full and my experience
in the business has proven conclusively to
me that when advertising men are busy
every one else ID rushed to death with
business
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

President Tafts projected visit to
Alaska formed subject of humorous
comment, and great solicitude was shown
for his comfort, and to make sure that
his dietary would conform to his simple
tastes the proprietor of the hotel where
die Ii to stop was called upon to state the
viands to be provided. The list of dishes
and methods Of preparation afforded OPP
portunity for many good-natured jokes
at the expense OF the prominent guest.
One man who wanted poached eggs on
toast heard his order translated into Zone
Cook and Peary on raft" Capt Archie
Butt, who ordered hash with red peppers
and tabasco sauce. was astounded to hear
the chef acknowledge 1t as zone order of
Roosevelts policies" Attorney General
Wickersham's demand for deviled Holsters
with the claws removed rot - the kitchen
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
HALL Of
FAME

Urbana, H., Dec 1.-THE men,
ory of Cyrus Hall Mccormick, whose
invention of the reaping machine rev.
olutionized the agricultural industry
the University of Illinois today in the
unveling of a portrait of the inventor
in the new memorial hall of the col
lege of agriculture. The portrait is
the first of a number that are to be
which is designed to perpetuate the
names of men famous in the world of
chosen for this honor, but only the
picture of Mr.. Mccormick was hung
at the dedicatory exercises today. The
other names are those of James n.
Brown, the first president of the Il
linois state board of agriculture:
Isaac Funk, one of the most success
full of the pioneer farmers. and Pro-
ICSSol Joudludu D. III ucl. tHc vi -
iginator of the idea of national sys-
tenn of land grant colleges to include
tn then new subjects of agriculture
and mechanical arts.
Interesting exercises attended the
unwilling of the Mccormick portrait
Governor Deneen was one of the
principal participants and among the
Lawrence w. Moves, president of the
Illinois Manufacturers association:
Colonel Charles P. Mills. former sec
rotary of the Illinois state board of
agriculture; Professor Eugene Daven-
port. dean of the college of agricul-
ture. and Edmund J. James, president
of the University of Illinois. The
portrait was unveiled by Miss Muriel
Mccormick, granddaughter of Cyrus
Hall Mccormick, and also grand
daughter of John D. Rockefeller.
The time for placing the McCor-
mick portrait in the Hall of Fame"
was appropriately chosen, as the pres
ent year marks the centennial of the
birth of the celebrated inventor. The
life of Cyrus Hall Mccormick was
career of plucky energy and of signal
success. He was the son of a Vir-
ginia farmer who had himself spent
large part of an active life in his en-
deavors to make a machine to do the
work of the sickle and the cradle.
but he had failed. The son took
the task as an inheritance. He sue
ceeded not only in perfecting the
reaper, but in arrangement for the
construction and sale of the machines.
His capacity for business was not in
ferior to his inventive faculty. He
built up at Chicago one of the great
est manufacturing establishments of
the world.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15

L. NJ Johnson has an exhibition
Of fruit in the State bank that is
worth your careful examination. They
were taken from five acres purchased
by Mr. Johnson at Wenatchee, Wash,
when he was out there, and shipped
to him by Theo. Otto.
Mr. Johnson's trees are just begin
ming to bear and the fruit can not be
excelled by any state in the union.
These are the varieties and it will be
noticed that Kansas gives name to
the most famous, the Staymen Wine
sap This was the famous apple for
which Professor Staymen was re-
sponsible and which bears his name.
Mr.. Johnson is elated over the quail
tiles of the fruit from his farm and
is justly entitled to feel pretty good.
-Belleville Democrat, Belleville, Re-
public county, Kas.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
Palace Hotel Opening.

San Francisco, Dec. 15.-Hundre1 Is
of visitors inspected the magnificent
furnishings and interior decorations
of the new Palace hotel today. the
final completion of which is regarded
as one of the most notable steps in
the rehabilitation of San Francisco.
The new hotel is one of the larg-
est and most magnificent to be found
anywhere in the country. 1t stands
on the same site on Market street
which was occupied by the old hotel,
which was destroyed in the great fire
Of 1906.
Two brilliant banquets have been
arranged in celebration of the formal
opening of the hotel. The first takes
place tonight, when Governor Gillette,
Mayor Taylor, George A. Knight and
other men of prominence are to re-
spond to tOasts. Tomorrow night a
second banquet is to be held, to which
5000 guests have been invited from
all parts of the Pacific coast
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
Crushing Blow to America-1OO
Years Behind Times.

London, Dec 14.-George Bernard
Shaw, the playwright. has some fur
Their caustic comments to make ap-
prOpos his declinatiOn of Charles
FrOhman's invitation to spend Christ
mas week in New York in company
with several other English dramat-
lists. Says Shaw:
Americans all make a rush to
London. I might change my attitude
if the stream were setting the other
way and it were the dream of every
Londoner. the moment they had
saved money, to go to America
ITO go to America is to go back
century in civilization Thefman-
ner of living in America today is
simply that of two centupies ago
complicated with certain develop
ments of industrial brigandage pecul-
lar to the twentieth century.
was born in the seventeenth
century. I lived in the seventeenth
ana eighteenth centuries and I live
in the nineteenth century as wall
I'm an Irishman and when l was
born my father lived in Ireland in
the same way that Dean Swift did.
Il might say he went farther
back than that. His was the sort Of
life described in Pepy's Diary, so you
see 1 am three centuries old. Now,
if it were a question of going to heav-
en-, I might think differently, and
want to go if they would guarantee
me plenty of work there, but I don't
want to go back anywhere. / want
to go forard."
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15

Why he ordered champagne for
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
WESTERN vs., EASTERN APPLES

Tom Arbuthnot, successful Re-
public county farmer, who has an
apple orchard of 1870 acres and by the
way the largest one in Kansas west
of Topeka, has recently returned
from the southeastern part of the
state, where, together with R. A.
Walters, he sold ten carloads of ap-
Piles and realized about $4,000 This
seems like bumper crop and it is
but Mr.. Arbuthnot's orchard is TWEEN
ty-one years old and this is the third
fall he has ever shipped apples.
Mr.. ArbuthnOt's orchard is a mer-
camille one, and the winter apples
such as Ben Davis, Winesap, Genatin
and Missouri Pippins, are his pride
The price which he secured for his
apples ranged from one dollar to a
dollar and thirty-five cents a BUSH
el.-Belleville Telescope, Belleville
Kas.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
Manitoba Grain Growers.

Brandon, Man., Dec. 15.-The es-
of government owned
grain storage elevators throughout
the province is one of the chief aims
of the Manitoba Grain Growers asso-
citation, which assembled in annual
convention here today to discuss this
and other matters of Importance.
The association will urge the coming
session of the legislature to take
steps for the establishment of govern
ment elevators.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15

everybody" paying for eight quarts? ?
Why he didn't take his change for
a $50 bill at the bar?
Why he pinned a 500 bill on a bell
boys coat tail?
Why he paid S. to a ragged news
boy for a bundle of papers and add
ed $45 when told by the urchin of his
mothers illness?
Why he donated two $40 bills
and handful of small change to the
Rev. Edward Collins, who passed the
saloon?
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
OrOndO Irrigation Company IncOrpo
afa6

A meeting was held yesterday at
OrondO by the stockholders of the
newly incorporated OrOndo Irrigation
company. 1t is proposed to install a
pumping plant for irrigation purposes
near the vicinity of the j. B. Smith
place. The cost of the pumping plant
and system will approximate $25 per
acre. The officers of the incorpora-
ton are ]. B. Smith, president: H.
E. Farwell, secretary; Rufus Woods.
treasurer. Trustees, H. n. Swart-
wood, S. A. Perkins, j. B. Smith, Fl.
E. Farwell and Rufus Woods.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15

Why he stuffed four $40 bills in
the pockets of an old man in the bar
room?
Why he gave a ScrubwOman $50?
Why he calmly lighted two $50
bills and let them burn to ashes?
Henry has no money to throw
away" said the indignant Mrs. Os-
terman, "and he must explain his
conduct. He denied that he had been
guilty of similar acts in Washington
some time ago, but l want to know
about this new story.
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
Burned $40 Bills; Opened Wine With
All: Wife Awaits Him

Chicago, Dec. ia wife with fire
in her eye and questions to ask awaits
the homecoming of Henry C. Oster
man, president of the Car Equipment
company of West Pullman. She read
the story of her husbands illumina-
ton of Detroit with $40 bills and
then began sizzling the wires with
is:
Why he ordered champagne for
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
TRAVEL PAY BACK
FROM MANILA
SENATOR JONES ASKS SENATE
TO GRANT SUM TO VETERANS
OF SPANISH MARRIAGE FOR
FEDERAL JOBS.

Washington, Dec. Ex-senator
Jones today introduced in the senate
the bill which he offered unsuccess-
fully in the house several times, to
grant travel pay to the Spanish war
volunteers who served beyond the
period of their enlistment. This
would give mileage and subsistence
pay to the Washington troops from
the Philippines to home, less the &C
tual amount it cost the government
to carry them.
Naturalization Bill by Jones.
Senator Jones also introduced a
bill amending the immigration laws
permitting immediate naturalization
in the several classes of foreign born
residents who in good faith believed
themselves fully naturalized by par
ents' naturalization or otherwise.
immigration Station Bill in Senate.
Senator Piles introduced { Ii! for
100000 immigration station at
Seattle, the same bill that RepreseE-
tative Humphrey introduced in the
house. Senator Piles acted on the
request of the Seattle Commercial
club
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15

Special rates now on at Bixler's
Studio, for short time. $50
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-12-15
Race for Federal Jobs.

Although the terms of District At
torney A. G. Avery and United States
Marshal G. H. Baker of the eastern
district of Washington, expire this
week, it is not probable that their
successors will be named at once. Mr..
Avery, in a letter received today by
Senator Jones, gives notice that he is
not a candidate for reappointment
In the list of candidates for Mr.
Avery's position are F. w. Dewart,
Judge L. B. Nash, L. Cohen, Frank
Barnhart, Joseph B. Lindsey all of
Spokane, and Oscar Cain of Walla
Walla.
For Mr. Bakers position the list of
candidates includes Mr. Baker, Felix
Pugh of Spokane, Frank KEGS of
Walla Walla and E. D. Gibson of
RitZville
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
z5be Jefferson,an

DIR. r. C. Swint admitted that this
was the rule, but Alex. Hawkins and
his assistant, Fleury, did not pay any
attention to what he said. The rules
should be pasted on the wall of each
hall so the patients could see them,
but this is not done and the patients
are not allowed to see the rule books
Geo. FL. Bell calls this place
"stinkitorium," but, gentlemen, call
it chokitorium. The lease system
of convicts went on for years before
it was investigated and was finally
stopped and | am praying to my
Maker that there will be a wider and
more thorough investigation Of this
"choker- stinkertorium than Of the
former.
This cook Strowe at the Twin-build-
ing had a crowd Of negroes working
for him and patients who are sent
over to help him are cursed by these
negroes and are threatened violence
by them and this is the reason they
would not give me job in the kitchen
because they thought / would resent
the insults.
If you want any information, ad-
dress R. E. Huntington, r. F, D.,
Augusta. Anyone can see my souvenir
broken finger by announcing their
wish.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
PARCELS POST GOOD FOR EV-
ERYBODY BUT EXPRESS
COMPANIES.

My Dead Mr.. Watson: | have just
read your editorial of Feb. %, in The
Jeffersonian, entitled "Senator Bal
ley's Strange Course" It's good
one, and you should put it in your
Magazine.
The Parcels Post would be a great
benefit not only to the country people,
but it would be a great money saver
for all persons everywhere, except
those artificial persons entitled, ''The
Express Companies.
1t is conceded that your article en-
titled, "Judge Lawson's Letter."
puts him out of business.
Your work on the Geo. Bell case
has been appreciated by every one
who believes that right should tri-
umph against wrong, and truth
against falsehood. Your .mirer and
friend, e. S. Fuller.
Fitzgerald, Ga, March /, 1909.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
DEFINITION OF WIT.
Fremont, Mo-, March 3, 1909.

Fremont, Mo-, March 3, 1909.
Hon. Thomas Watson, Thomson, Ga.
Dear Sir and Friend: [ was interes-
ted in your editorial on "Wit and HUI
mor' in a recent number of your
Magazine, and altho [ am not great in
any way, yet sometimes have an idea
Of my own, and there it is in regard
to the definition of Wit and Humor:
Wit is dynamic or quick fun; HUI
r1or is potential or slow fun. A
witticism is thought giving an i'm
mediate idea Of something funny.
The thought may be expressed or I'M
expressed. The quickness is what
gives the element Of surprise.
Yours truly,
T. S. FrisseI.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
Sketches from Roman History
PAGE TEN.

The warfare that is being carried on
today against class legislation has
aroused a keen interest In this little
book, in which Mr.. Watson deals with
the heroic land reformers of Rome,
the great slave revolt, the tribune of
the people. the brilliant leader of the
aristocrats, and other dramatic scenes
In the history of Rome.
Price. fifty cents.
Given as a Premium
For one subscription to the Jeffer-
sonian Magazine at $1.00 each, or to
the Weekly Jeffersonian at $1.OO each.
sent by another than the subscriber.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
Handbook of Politics
BY Thos. 6. Watson.

In this volume of 1853 pages Mr..
Watson gives mass of the most va1u-
able statistical information bearing
on every great subject, political and
economic. He also gives the history
of political parties and summary of
all political platforms. Fully illustra-
ted. Price $1.0O.
Given as a Premium.
For three subscriptions to the JET
fersonian Magazine at $1.00 each, or
to the Weekly Jeffersonian at $1.OO.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
FOUND!

One Of the best Commission Houses for
you to ship your Furs, Hides Poultry, Eggs
and Sweet Potatoes II. Write them today
They are
HEWITT & COMPANY,
10 East Camden St., Baltimore, Md
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25

II you want Real enjoyment, send
ten cents for copy Of Humorist. Ad-
dress: Publisher Humorist, st. Louis
Mo. In ordering your reading matter,
don't fail to include the Humorfs&.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
LEAF TOBACCO FOR SALE.

Fine to chew and smoke. Grown by
a deep-dyedin-the-woo Populist and
firm believer in Thomas B. Wats0n's
deathless principles. Write for prices
to w. L. PARKS,
r. r. o. I, Adams, Tenn,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-03-25
FARM Ian DS.

ATATkT is the time to buy homes In South Ga.
N@EW You can buy cheaper now than a year
from now. Quit climbing hills jumping
gull;es and piling rocks and come where land is
easily cleared and cultivated and Crops never fall
Terms easy. l. A. Ful~ood. Triton, Ga.