davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
LOCATING THE FLIES.
HumOrist Unable to Tell wher'
They Arc In Winter.

They Arc In Winter.
From the Boston Herald.
We were most awfully surprised few
days ago TO learn that an esteemed con-
temporary humorist was unable to an
swer q simple question asked by one OF
his faithful readers. The poor. uniform
ed reader wished to know where flies go
in winter Never having been 70 college,
he sought information from one who had.
The humorist IN question, or. we might
say, the questionable humorist. who has
heretofore made a stab at answering
every question under the sun. and many
besides, admitted in cold type that he
didn't know where the flies went in win
ter. The question is not new one. It IS
older than the hills, plus the dales. Even
though II may be difficult question 70
answer in its entirety. We do not think
IL ought TO be carelessly thrown 70 one
side and given up as unanswerabIe. It
looks 90 Us as though the humorst had
not given much study 10 the habits Of
the fly We have studied the fly at close
range for a good many years. and have.
we modestly assert. found out a few
things about him. We have also found
many place where he spends his winter
In other words, the great problem Of the
ny has az last been solved. Our records
are unfortunately not with MS just az
present. we having submitted them 70 a
well-kuown scientific fly society. and
some Of the evidence we left buried near
the locality where we discovered the fly's
winter headquarters. but as soon as We
can get our winters wood cut and a cou-
pie Of books written, besides giving a
course Of lectures, We intend fitting out
Q rescue expedition. when our proofs viii
be spread broadcast before the world.
NO one having asked US as yet where
the flies go in winter, we feel perfectly
justified IN keeping 1t TO ourselves till the
psychological moment-and the wood IS
cur
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
PRO AND CON.


Rome (Ga) Trioune-Herald It has
been said that there are no politics in
heaven, and The Washington Herald
believes that OF the Kentucky kind Of
politics
Beaumont Enterprise: The Washington
Herald is OF the belief that the Texas
pros who bought up all the licenses in a
town Will be badly shocked 20 find what
dne lot OF blind tigers their action has
produced.
Wichita Eagle: What is fatigue?"
asks a scientist. THAT sensation one
feels after hearing a staudpatter explain
how the new tariff law Is revised down
ward IS the gracious response from The
Washington Herald.
Cleveland Leader: I'VE cannot be-
lieve." said the Washington Herald,
that Cleveland VIII be so lost 70 right.
eousness. truth, and virtue as to defeat
Tom Johnson Now see where lack OF
faith has landed you.
Montgomery Advertiser: Tt IS agreed
generally" moralizes The Washington
Herald, that cotton seed makes first
class genuine italian olive OIL" Well
II one cant tell the difference one is as
good as the other. is il not?
Elmira Advertiser: Tho Washington
Herald which is published at the seat
Of war and therefore ought 20 know
says The life history OF the COW tick
IS the governments latest entry IN the
contest for honors among the six worst
sellers
Chattanooga Times: 'NIr. Francis J
Heney also appears to have been some
what hercely blue-penciled," remark,
The Washington Herald Yes. and. iudg
ing from the botch made OF the SOB. Il
must have been the Office boy who die
the editing
Norfolk Virginian-Pnot: a ChicagC
minister has written a book explaining
why women marry. Naturally the swee
things Will turn over to the last chap
ter and read II first, says The washing
ton Herald. And still, nevertheless and
notwithstanding. continue to march riga
Up 10 the matrimonial altar
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Chicago seeks 20 abate the smoke
nuisance by requiring the electrifcaton
OF railway terminals But now one OF the
interested railway presidents. Mr.. Harra-
han. states that the elimination OF smoke
can be accomplished without resort to
electric traction. The Big -Four road
seems % have proved the practicability
OF a smoke-pTeventer. II IS IN tho form
OF an air pump attachment. and the air
is heated before entering the nrebox
This heated air causes a perfect com
{ bustion OF gases in the fireboN, thus
eliminating the smoke. The Big -Four
has $50 engines running into indianapolis
and II viii equip them al with this
| smoke-preventer, and use the device
also on its power plants. There IS more
hope in this announcement than in the
Chicago controversy about Identification
II IS statement of interest TO many
cities besides Chicago notably 10 New
York, Philadelphia. and Boston.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

And now the innocent purchaser" is
being made the subject OF much news
paper comment throughout the land.
Somehow We fancy the innocent pur-
chaser" is a sort OF double-frst-cousin
OF 'the ultimate consumer"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Tender Victims.

From the New Yozk Sun.
First Baby-Milk is 10 cents quart
Second Baby-Great Scott we start in
being ultimate consumers mighty early.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

We do not know positively. Of course,
but we have notion that many Of our
big institutions of learning would survive
the abolition of football. the sophomores
and freshmen to the contrary notwith-
standing
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Really Wonderful.

From the Philadelphia Inquirer.
a school-teacher had been telling a
class Of small pupils the story Of the dis
covery of America by Columbus. And
all this happened over 400 years ago"
said he, in conclusion. The eyes Of a lit
tie boy opened wide in wonder. ''Oh.
my. what a memory you've got" ne ex-
claimed.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
MIR. Gaynor for President.

FrJm tho Chicago Record Herald
Somebody has already suggested Aiayor-elect Gay
nor. Of New York. as the Democratic candidate for
the Presidency IN 1872
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

1t IS not so very surprising 20 learn
that the turkeys are being killed of by
appendicitis The turkey has come to be
such a smart fowl that It would be sur
prising if il cared to continue indefinitely
the old ak route Of passing away
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

A South Carolina man does not Ike #
little bit that his grip was opened by a
Birmingham (Ala.) policeman because the
latter suspected the former of having a
bottle Of liquor hidden therein. Alabama
is rapidly becoming q mighty good state
TO 90 around when travelling.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Mr.. Heinre nj Home.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
That East is East and West is West evsn IN MS
country "a shown by the experience q Heinze. He
arrived In Butte and received an ovation. people
drawing his carriage through the streets In New
York they had taken away his money, assailod bis
reputation, and tried 90 put him in Jail
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

There are several million colored walt
ers. porters. and so forth in tho United
States. however. The fear that Senator
Stone may undertake to chastise them
all is groundless. perhaps.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

81 send thee roses in my dreams. sweet
heart" MARBLES an Alabama poet. II that
is the best he can do. however, she is
apt 20 put him down for a tightwad
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Mr.. AIdrlch'. hank PIap

From the New York sun.
II Mr.. Alduch and his associates by their unlted
genius can fashion a central bank whose functions
and powers shall DO purely automatic and mechaui-
cal. well and good. But such a bank With us Is
impossible
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Recent announced discoveries OF horned
snakes, hoopsnakes, and two-headed rat
uesnakes down in Georgia probably will
be accepted by prohibitonists generally
as unimportant, II true.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Wonder how the President will behave
when he gets back where he can order
Just what he wants to eat?" muses. the
Detroit Free Press. Nationally, we
imagine. HIS general reputation would
seem 10 Indicate as much. anyway.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

From the Providence journal.
Take care q tho pennies and the pounds win take
care q themselves Is good old prover5. Mr.
Loeb IS taking care q the pennies ard trusting 70
luck for the pounds
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

1T was kind Of President Taft TO ad-
nit that Senator Smith Is responsible for
.l5-cent cotton" says the Charleston News
and Courier. Doubtless, the President
thought It the only safe thing 10 do.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Marriage is not the only thing" OBJ
served Mrs, Belmont, Wen, not among
the 400. at least. Divorce seems to be
quite as important and as frequent.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Mr. HIPS Farms.

From the Louisville Couuer-Jourual
We shall not divert battle ship appropriations 20
experimental farms. as Mr.. HuI suggests. but Il
would doubtless prove profitable Tor each state 20
establish a number Of small model farms
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Mr.. Cummins and the Tariff.

From the Philadelphia Press
II Senator Cumuins. Of Iowa means what he
said. that the Insurgents" proposed TO Keep at
the tand until revision downward in accord
with their ideas. has born accomplished. there Is
danger Il unsettled business conditions.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

The French method Of trying alleged
murderers is being sharply criticised
throughout the civilized world. Ii is
recognized that murder in France is al
most as safe as it is in the United States.
however.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Declining mint juleps and accepting
baked 'possum, Mr.. Taft probably has
rendered himself a hopeless puzzle to
more Southern colonies than no sus-
meets
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
The Arctic Marathon.

From the Cleveland Leader.
As we go 10 press Peary is about a lap
ahead Of Cook, but Cook appears stu
fresh.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

There are several reasons why Judge
Gaynor will never be President" notes
the Milwaukee Sentinel And we have
no sort Of doubt that the Sentinel is
emnently correct.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE MAGAZINE BRAND.

When you want TO sell poem
And you haven't any junk
You should string some words together
That are just
plain
punk.
Do not worry II the meaning
May be somewhat hard TO trace,
For the object OF a poem
Is 10 I'll
UP
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Mr.. Wilson's Workers.

From the Omaha Bee.
Secretary Wilson might easily turn those aban-
doucd farms d the South into a national object
lesson by putting the Hoo men Of hts department
10 work on them.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Senator Aldrich will ignore Cummlns.'
reads a headline. And Senator AldrIch
has such an annoyingly transformations
way Of doing that
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

majesty 10 know that he was not re-
quired to decide between a Cook and
Peary IN that matter.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
enrcnNnl.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Did Grace look IN the tub CT water
too. 10 see the one she loves best?''
NO; Grace uses a mirror"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

There are a lot of people who do not
know It all In this country, including
those who thing genuine Thanksgiving
Day pumpkin pic IS made OF squash.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

1--WE must struggle to be happy" says
wise Mr., John d. Rockefeller. Thanks
10 Mr.. Rockefeller. indeed. we must
struggle right strenuously merely to be
alive.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
AND THINGS
Gentle suRragettes.

Mrs. Philip Snowden, an English sUf-
fragette. and the wife OF an NJ. P. who
has followed Mrs. Pankhurst 20 this
country represents the placid. rather
than the militant. phase Of this move
ment This gentle faction is said to
number $1,000 members who pay dues. 1t
is noted that whatever party Is IN power,
the woman suffragists must. under pres
ent conditions always be IN opposition
This would seem unfortunate. since II IS
70 oppose both those in and out of power.
But the militant claim IS that gentle
methods fail Nevertheless. the mllitants
seem to have exhausted their tactics and
10 have arrived at the position. 70 them
unfortunate. Of boring the public. The
policy Of always creating antagonism
would seem less wise than one Of as
siduous and patient argument and cult
walton. But il is apparent that some
change in method is needed. new
element is desired, and ii seems TO be
admitted that il must be combined with
genteness, and that the policy Of rough
and unfeminine conduct cannot succeed.
Stirring sea Adventures.
The Spanish Main. long somnolent.
appears 20 be waking up. There was the
usual smile the other day, when II was
announced that the navy" Of Honduras,
consisting OF the gunboat Tatumbla. had
been destroyed. But later accounts
make the affair grewsome 1t appears
that the navy" captured a British
steamer. which was smuggling, and put
a prize crew aboard. Thcreupon. the
smugglers got their captors drunk, threw
them overheard and scuttled the gunboat.
! The tale comes from two survivors. This
tale directly follows the report OF
British captain, arriving at a Mexican
port, that he had been boarded by pirates.
whom he repulsed- But this story seems
70 have been discredited. But these mar
rauves seem to suggest the prOpriety OF
| United States real naval vessel of
! the coast OF troubled Central America.
Some striking ResembIunces.
II every man does have his double.
there seems no remedy. 4 man recently
died IN New York. who had been repeat
/ edly mistaken for Abraham Lincoln, de-
/ spite that Presidents marked indivld-
I uallty or appearance. There is a lawyer
| IN Worcester who may pass for Theodore
! Roosevelt. There is a double OF An
/ drew Carnegie IN Washington. A Boston
I attorney matches ex-Secretary Cortelyou.
/ and Senator Bacon. OF Georgia. is out
wardly duplicated by a merchant OF Bos-
/ ton The secretary Of the National
I Chamber OF Commerce IS sometimes
/ greeted as ex-Gov. Guild. OF Massachu-
setts. Not all resemblances are so pleas
/ ing in character. There is a Boston edi-
/ tor Of confirmed sobriety who is dis
/ tressed by the occasional disturbance of
/ peace by another man who looks exactly
/ like him. but who gets drunk il public
I places. The instances Of men who have
/ been convicted and hanged for the crimes
I OF others have not been infroquent- es
/ pecially I'm England. where the false iden-
| tity has been disclosed By subsequent con-
/ fessious.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
What Is a food expert?'
Any man who can make his wages
buy enough for the family table"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

We fear reform" Is backsliding here
and there. Immediately following some
recent elections in Kansas City. 1900
grand jury indictments were quietly
uuashed
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Presidents are not autocrats." sug-
gests the Philadelphia Bulletin. hope
fully. Some Presidents at all events.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Lieut.. Shackleton-the Emporia Gazette
refors to him as Stapleton. by the way
is to DO knighted by King Edward 1t
must be a source Of great comfort to his
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
MIR. CulIom and Negro Votes.

From The Bostcn Transcript
Senator Cullo.a's plan % win tho South by al
lowing il 20 eliminate tho ntyrp overooks the col
oVrl vote In the North. wuch is no urrliv1bls
factor in a series Of Northern states
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Matrimonial Fishing.

u have small-salaried clerk on the
string" remarked the first girl.
'Well2"
Shall l throw him cverboard2"
ny no means" advised the second girl.
use him for bait
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

The House Of Lords goes right along
throwing out bills passed by the Com
mons. just as II it does not know II IS
facing all sorts OF crises. nevertheless.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

latest and swiftest record. It is difficult
to see how that record IS 10 be trimmed
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Home lows.

why do you want a sixteenth wife %
inquired the traveller.
Anything for a quiet life" explained
the nabob Of Afghanistan. Then my
harem can make up four tables az pro
gressive euchre."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Mr. Cannon stands pat on his snore no
less than on mis- roar. it appears.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Most Unfortunate Tragedy" reads a
headline in the Anderson Is. c. Mail
Most tragedies are unfortunate.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Uncle Sam" has his own cost-of-llving
problems. Battle ships never were so
high before
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

From tbs BostoR Transcript,
Why not play cannonball instead7
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Real prosperity has been sighted IN
the West" says the Baltimore sun. Il
is believed 70 be quite expensive.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
The OutIook

Unless the bard soon gets a chance
To sell a rhyme
He'll have 10 wear his summer pants
In winter time
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

''How's the thermometer you bought.
Jabez?
Don't seem 70 DO much OF a success
so far. II amt brought on no unusual
weather as yet"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Il hear he is lecturing at 81 seat"
YES; he says re has a message for
the world"
And proposes TO collect on delivery.
eh2''
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Capt r. W. Thorp. Of Panama, who IS
at the Riggs. in speaking OF the work
along the big ditch, said last night that
under its present direction the work OF
the canal has been by an organization
based upon economy and efficiency.
This has pervaded every department"
said capt Thorp, who is engaged IN bust
ness I'm the Zone For instance. the
government has a vast laundry. makes
ice. bread. pastry, and such other ar
ticles as the appetites Of $500 toilers de-
maud. II has fourteen hotels and fifty
five kitchens and nesses. For 30 cents
one may procure a dinner about equal to
that furnished in a northern hotel for a
dollar. There IS board to be had for 90
cents a day and It IS wholesome. Board
may be had for so cents a day, none the
less wholesome. but less inviting, save 10
the class Of alien laborers for whom Il
is intended.
80 feed the laborers. tho government
buys 100000 pounds Of beef annually"
continued Capt. Thorp. For each day
there is required 500 pounds OF butter, Ga
tons Of potatoes, 80 sheep, 1000 pounds OF
ham, and nearly as much bacon. In ad-
dition to 800 gallons Of milk a day, there
are $500 cases a month OF the condensed
article, All OF this milk comes from
New York. and all OF it has been pasteur-
lied The bakery can turn out 5000
loaves a day, but the ordinary demand
Is for a quarter Of this amount They
make 1000 pies every day, but are equip
ped TO Go ten times as much. Oysters
are brought in frozen. There is fruit IN
abundance at reasonable cost. And all
this vast collateral establishment. merely
incidental 10 the prosecution Of the main
work. moves without a jar or hint OF
crookedness or tncompetency. The gov
eminent has more than s10000.000 invested
IN buildings. aside from the number pur-
chased from the French. Some OF these
hUD With machinery, and others have
been adapted 20 use az homes. The
groups OF cottages, for cleanliness and
picturesQueness. would do credit TO ths
shores OF New England.
Considering all these great advantages.
Il looks very much as n the canal would
be finished on schedule tina"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Began Early.

Ever have yearning for higher
thIngs?'
often. Lven as child cried for the
moon"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
CHAT OF THE FORUM.
INC President,s Return.

me PRESIDENTS Return.
Prom the Boston Herald.
Among other things 20 giSo thanks FOR Is the
Presidents safe return in good health.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Be it ever so humble. Mr.. President!
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Rome (Ga) Trioune-Herald: It has
been said that there are no politics IN
heaven. and The Washington Herald
believes that OF the Kentucky kind OF
politics
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

Beaumont Enterprise: The Washington
Herald is OF the belief that the Texas
pros who bought up all the licenses in a
town viii be badly shocked 20 find what
a fine lot OF blind tigers their action has
produced.