The Ogden standard. [volume] (Ogden City, Utah) 1902-1910, 1909-05-04
LITTLE Boobies PA.
BY William F. Kirk.

Pa was awful wen he CAIN hoam last
mite. A ottomobeel hit him on the leg
G tore his pants, just when he was go
ing to git In the subway to cum hoam.
Newer mind, deerest, seu Ma. / am
glad that you escaped with yure whole
skin. Let me sew up the trousers af-
ter dinner, Ma sed, G. try to forget the
unpleasant incident.
Thare you go, sed Pa, thare you &c.
Small Indeed, Pa sed. is the luving
sympathy | ever git from you. | dare
say, Pa sed, If my skin had been
broaken, you wud have offered to sew
up the shattered bone. AT perhaps, Pa
sed, IL that Jugger-not had ran plum
oaver me, braking the neck which
ties this fine head to this splendid
body, you wud have ran for the needed
G. thred & tried to be Bertha, the
Sewing Girl
Doant be cross, deerest, sed Ma
was only trying to help you.
Trying to help me, indeed, sed Pa.
cant see 1t with spyglass. Rats, sed
Pa
Anyway. sed Ma, let us have our
dinner. | have sum fine stake &c sum
baked potatoes for dinner, yure favor
ite dish. Ma sed. Cum, deerest & after
dinner / will sey up that tear.
Fine stake and baked potatoes, sed
Pa Fine stake and baked potatoesl
Is that the only cumfort I git when
have just missed beeing copped by the
grim Keeper? Is that all you have to
saw when | cum white faced into my
hoam. after narrowly missing Deth?
/ suppoas, Pa sed, If had been groun
beneeth them Crule wheels you wud
have had lamb chops and peas, Or
If my arms wud have been cut off, you
wud have served me with sum veal a
la casseroal. Hevings. sed Pa, to
think that / have so hairless wife.
/ am not going to eat dinner at all,
sed Pa | am going TO the library &
after / have glllped down glass OF
brandy to steddy by nerves, | am GO
Ing to rite a letter to the managing
editor OF The American, & | am going
to protest aggenst reckless ottomobeel
driving. So Pa went in the library &
we herd him gulp two (2) times, &c
then he rote a letter, & this is what Pa
wrote TO the managing editor:
Deer Editor In the naim of human
ity wish to protest aggenst the aw-
full Jugger-nots wich Is crushing out
our yung manhood in thaTe thought
less TuShes up e. down our bule-vards.
How long, OH how long, shall the
speed-mad drivers of ew York strike
terror to the harts of peepul wich
hasent got the price TO have ottomo-
beels? Today. Mister Editor. / had
my pants toaTn Just above the knee,
by forty (40) horse power car. The
street, at the time, was full of lady
shoppers G. theater-goers cumming
from the matinay. The car, beeing
only toar the pants slitely, but sup
poas 1t had been a sixty t6O) horse
power ottomobeel, with all them fair
folks looking on. Think of the awful
possibilities of that, Mister Editor.
Yures, Vo Populi.
That Is a fine letter. sed Ma. Now.
deer, cum & have some dinner.
BY no means, sed Pa. / cannot for
get go soon that wen | calm In torn
crumpled, after barely missing crule
fate, you thought of dinner first. You
are a unnatural wife, Pa sed.
Then Ma got mad herself. Now see
here, she scd to Pa. You set rite down
hands shall ever prepare. have
been pashunt with you. Ma sed, but
now you have gone to far. Do you
hear me, sed Ma. You set rite down
to that label & doant waste any time
I about It, eether
Ma said 1t so different to what she
usually talks that Pa dident say any
moar. He set down G. ate (8) his din
ner.