davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
rawlings of a straphanrer

Lemons Talcut ToiIem Powder.
Makes light bread. but not clam cbordor
UUant biscuits keep on rabies.
me inchmere Flats do same 70 babies
ny our coat-cut pants and vests
Browns moving vans remove an reyts
spngley's well meant Onion Gum
MAKES olnd men see ard deaf ones dumb
You cannot chew the label of
Ana hideseek's Plug viii stop that cough.
SCOTS Emotions Just as good
10 take out spots or use as food
The Taxicab kills one each minute
You see it's safer TO be in Il
Camel soup FOR face or hand
10 ny this on your baby grard'
Near-soap's bsst-'tis plainly sen
II gets you nearly almost clean.
u u isn't an Eastman, it's maybe a trunk.
II II isn't meant for your family it can't be too
Underwear OF shredded wheat
Means comfort fer the tired feet
Osrnele7 is the bt5t Of soAsonA
There are ifty-seven reasons
Leave OF breathing for ten days
Barren Island dyeing PAYS
OMaley's new live rubber eels
Make walking easy after meals
lied Raverette looks Just ike silk
When dipped In Morlck's Halted Mix.
Why get yosu clothes At PodgCrs-Rcet
When liquid New Skin looks 50 swceti
Lyers make are gloves that ~
And ike old friends they sometimes split
Outlets Safety Carpet sweeper
improves the voice and makes Il deeper.
FOR Breakfast. Flakes Of Ostcrmoor
WIZ cure the SPINE Of curvature
Your homes in Brooslyn-like 90 move III
Use Dynamite-ard we can prove IT,
Have you read the The Can OF the Gut.rrY"
The same one wrote 20 yes. they cut herl'
You say you're dying? Very vel
Book your seat for Seeing HeDP'
-fs,e
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
The Problem Of the Idle.

It appears, according TO the report OF
royal commission, that the problem OF
the unemployed grows more acute In
England and Wales. The applications
for relief have reached Al per cent Of the
working male population 1t has been
shown that irregular work furnished by
municipalities tends only to increase the
trouble In this situation, the trade
unions have come 70 the rescue. It is
now suggested that an extension Of their
benefits TO all workers. except those who
should be left to public charity. would
do away with the need Of relief funds.
But the trade unions have sought to
raise the wage-earner's power TO keep
himself Independent OF outside aid
whether public or private They nat
urally resent criticism Of their attempts
20 raise wages. especially when it comes
from the general public, whose burden
Of poverty they now undertake 10 re-
Heve
It Is now suggested that state funds
be used TO supplement trade union funds
in such a way as to establish a premium
on industry and thrift But the trade
unions may hesitate to accept aid from
the state II that should involve any loss
Of Independence or invite interference
with efforts &c increase wages or i'm
proc working conditions. The assertion
that public grants would increase their
membership IS viewed askance by the
unions. II seems a reassurirg statement
amid these dlscouraging conditions that
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Truth and FaIsehood.

From the Detroit Free Press
Secretary Meyer. at a Newport lunch
con, answered an interesting question.
Why" a naval cadet asked, do we
always speak OF the naked truth7"
Secretary Meyer smiled and answered:
There is an ancient fable. and one
very appropriate to this hot weather.
which tells US that on a summer after
noon Truth and Falsehood set out to
battle together. They found a crystal
spring. they bathed in the cool. fresh
water, and Falsehood, emerging first.
clothed herself in the garments OF Truth
and went her way. But Truth. unwilling
to put on the garb OF Falsehood. departed
naked And to this day Falsehood wears
Truths fair white robes. so that many
persons mistake her for Truths very
self; but poor Truth stu goes naked"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
EVERY SATURDAY.
Our Motto: If you see il in The Bic
Sub. IL ian Z necessarily 50.
WANTS TO KNOW.

Mr.. Editor. said the sdn
frDlicsome W. =. Hibbs. on the
pleasing occasion OF recent visit
70 this slnctum. Il wish TO get
your opinion on a matter Of vital
importance 10 every live and loyal
hearted citizen Of Washington. "
Then Billy went into rhapSOdies
n the beauty Of the existing
weather, the immensely OF cops.
the congested condition q the fam
ly pocketbook. and the MARKS Of
eminent stateSmanship to be found
in the face Of William Jennings
Bryan. until we demonstrated upon
his DEPRESSION.
We'll, continued our genial
friend. what I wish 10 ind out Is
this-and understanding, Of course.
that you are perfectly versed In
local conditions Of every variety and
caliber-that you know. from your
long association with the daily
newspapers Of this magnificent cUun-
Try. as well as from your position
in that field which distinctly per
mits. nay. even neccssitates, q
knowledge that Is rarely vouchsafed
to human Observation-Disclosures that
yOu know. as / have said. the past
history Of this community and its
accomplishments and defeats. its
Present-day glovies and shoTteom-
ings. and It's"
At this dash Mr.. Hibbs was In
teTrupted uncercmoniously BY the
Ticking Of some charged cigar ashes
upon his gUsuculating index finger,
and before he could pursue the turn
Of his remarks, the editor said:
Mr.. Hiobs. you know that l am
busy man, and that
Yes. Mr.. Editor, ! know that;
and what wanted to find out was
this: When, in your Judgment
and as you are well aware OF my
interest in such matters, you should
unquestionably be able to conceive
my misgivings and even anxieties on
the subject N quesdon-Whcn I re-
peat. IN you- judgment-that il 10
say II such 4 thing may happen
in the course Of the conclusion OF
tho life Of the average man Of my
age-when, according 70 your iudg-
ment may we reasonably feel as
Sured Of baseball pennaut for the
Washington clubT'
The Editor was puzzled by this
query. and did not Immediately re-
ply, but as, 10 his perturbation, he
parted his silken locks with a steel
copy hle which he appeared 10 be
ready 20 MIKE use Of with sinister
purpose. 0ir. HibhS made a clean
getaway behind a revolving book
case. aud from there. in a quiet
moment. made exit.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
WE HEAR

That Ike Cans positively refuses
10 eat breakfast until he has read
the Big Stick every Saturday
morning.
That MAJ. Sylvester ard San
Hart are planning to 80 in the fish
business with 'Shoemaker" Fred
Hahn as manager.
That George Bond viii be the
passenger agent Ct the proposed
aeroplane line running between
Washington and Alexandria
That. owing 10 the dsarth Of
news, Ernest Walker has decided 20
get out Of the newspaper business
and act as Librarian Of the Press
Club.
That R. o. Bailey has started
a class among the newspaper boys
70 instruct them in the shortest
method Of securing fat government
positions.
That Louis A. Coolidge viii soon
80 to Boston and open a publishing
house. devoted exclusively 20 the
publication Of his one best seller.
Floating Florence.
Thai joseph Ralph. Director Of
Printing and Engraving and the
"WOiEing girls friend" wall soon
start on an extensive lecture tour.
Subject. "Sunragettss.
That S. L. Heacock VIII soon pub
hsh a book describing how to get
to Chesapeake Beach without chang
ing cars and without running afOul
Of T. A. Wickersham.
That Martin Ward objects to get
ting out Of bed at daybrcak to fish
in the Tidal Basin. Martin likes
the sport, provided he can get his
usual twelve hours sleep.
That c. 4 o. Fuller is contem-
plating Introducing the z. A. Y. Z.
cars on his railroad. &. & o. is
always on the lockout for something
70 please patrons OF the road.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
TWO CENTS
EACH WITH HIS OWN AERosIGHT.
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

MAJ. Ton" Gale has moved his
chicken farm from Smokers Gap 70
Kalorama Heights.
Col. Brown is Of the opinion
that the Waterways Convention
should be held IN a dry town rather
than In Norfolk, Va.
Charley Metzgar wants it distinct
y understood that because he IS
an expert at CRAZY pool. the fact
has no ether significance.
Col. "Brl" Hart Is taking daily
Practice on his private golf Inks at
Twining City. he aspires 70 the
championship Of Anacostia.
Louis A. Dent VIII do the Chat
tauQua circuit next sumner telling
what he knows about Arabs. their
characteristics and staying quail
ties.
Ralph Lee IS bcmoaning the fact
that there have been no tires IN
Washington for a long time. He
has lost the knack Of adjusting
losses.
Charley Nesbit SAYS the insurance
business IS good thing. but It
isn't IN It with lecturing. when It
comes TO holding up the unSuspect-
ing public.
John Weaver is making a spirited
canvass for the mayoraity Of Chevy
Chase. in the event Of that burg be-
ing Incorporated by the legislature
Of Maryland.
George Harris is an earnest ad-
vocate Of forest preserves He is
having planted no less than forty
seven trees around his Chevy Chase
ID. CO home.
b. II. Warner. IT,. not the 3. h.
Warner Of the Hall OF Fame" IL
deyoting these glorious days to the
remunerative practice Of politics
IN sunny Maryland.
Dave Barry's chest has swalled
nightly since President Taft has
said that his friend Senator Aid
rich IS all right. Dave says he was
sure the President knew a good
thing when he saw It.
Paul Waters and Z. c. Graham
have bloSsomed out into expert
huntsmen. They recently spent sew
eral days on Waters farm. chasing
the dogs for want OF something
better to chase in a local option
district
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

King Alfonso Is almost as indignant
as II his team had lost the worlds cham
pionship," says the Detroit Free Press.
so trihing a thing as losing a mere
worlds mpionshIp-meaning, Of course.
Of the baseball persuasion-arouse the in
dignation Of Alfonso. or OF any other
serene and unrufied person?
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
HOME. SWEET HOME.

There was a nan IN our town,
And he was not q freak.
Who thought 20 have a bully time
To Gotham he would sneak.
But when he sot 20 gay New YORK,
He found il quite a bore.
Says he: For me. that old ID. c.
III leave that place no mOreF
BEDLOE BEY.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

the government is training boys TO enter
regular and permanent work. That is
striking directly at the surplus supply Of
labor that is both unskilled and unintel-
ligent. The situation is one that organ
lied labor In the United States may
view with interest and sympathy.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
DOC WILEY.

The Big Stick rejects with great
scorn the story 20 the effect that Doc
Wiley. our well-known local food
ologist. was seen recently In a Ger
tain Fifteenth street cafe. not far
from the corner Of r. deliberately
aud SYSTEMATICALLY eating raw
oysters SOused in ben1oate tomato
catSup.
We believe this canard was the
work Of a jealous rival Of the doc
tor-or, perhaps, some base hire
ling Of the embattled benzoate
hosts bent on keeping a good man
down.
1t may he that some one slipped
up behind our hero, when he
wasn't watching out. and sneaked
that alleged stuff onto the table
beside him, and that he failed
70 notice it-not sgspectiag treSoh-
cry or anything OF that kind. being
a genial and credulous sort Of per
s0a. anyway-and that he partook Of
il IN ignorance Of its true charac-
ter a. the moment. That is the
mean and ugly view Of II. On the
contrary. however. the fact that
the doctor did not experience. i'm
mediately after eating the blvalves
Aforesaid. severe pains on his in
side, or other distressing symptoms.
suggests the possibility u the whole
ahair having been one Of those
questionable practical Jokes now and
then perpetrated By uathinkinT Der
sons and small boys.
Whatever the fact may be. we
feel no blame whatever reasonably
attaches 70 Dec Wiley in this mat.
ter, and We wish 50 to bo recorded
The Big Stick regrets that stories
Of this variety should be given
currency in our fair city. We hate
70 have IL intimated that any Of
our Justly famous eating places
would servo the doctor bonzcated
catsup A good name Is 10 be
CHOSEN above great riches. and Doc
Wiisy's Is above reproach. No tust
man, no humane man, no gentle
man. we might say, would seek 70
tarnish. ever so slightly, the doc
tors broad and unbenzoated
oscutcheon.
The Big Stick hopes It win never
have to refer to this disagroeahle
topic again.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

IF Gen. Fred. Grant wants 70 wear a
uniform when he marches IN prohibition
parades. he should wear the right one
which is white ribbon" says the Au-
gusta Herald. But, with the Thermometer
incllning downward-well, we doubt that
the generals enthusiasm extends that
far
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
GET 1T SETTLED

Send your data to some college
Or its proctor.
You are not afraid Of knowledge.
Are you, doctor?
Let him designate which story
Is a SANDER,
And then ladle out the glory.
Eth, commander?
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Capitol guides should not fail to list
Congressman Scott OF Kansas, along
with the other exhibits worthy of visitors
admiring inspection. Mr.. Scott IS the
gentleman who declares Mr.. Roosevelt is
a " frsid cat" and ran away to Africa
TO escape the effects Of his own foolish
ness
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Lady Cook. they say" will spend a
million dollars promoting the cause Of
the suffragettes in this country. A hand
rul Of suffragettes with a million dol
lars to spend certainly ought to be able
to make the biggest noise ever.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

The Cleveland Plain Dealer suggests
to Col George Marcellus Bailey, OF the
Houston Post, that he purchase Houston
with that million dollars he expects 70
get, not yet but soon. That is the way
with these city fellows; as soon as thew
hear Of a countryman possessed, or hon
ing 10 be possessed, Of great riches, they
try to sell him gold bricks.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

One Of those rhinos killed by Mr..
Roosevelt recently is said TO have pos
sessed a skin one inch in thickness A
human being equipped with a skin that
thick might run for mayor OF New York
with some degree Of comfort, we should
think
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
BIRTHDAY GREETINGS.

From the Winston-Salem Journal
The Washington Herald. which
was a success from the day It was
started. has just celebrated its
third birthday. 1t is a model paper
and deserves the success that It
has won.
From the Beaumont TeI-I Enterprise.
The esteemed Washington Herald
has just passed its third birthday
and is a lusty youth, with all the
airs Of veteran and the activity
and aspirations Of youth.
From the Deseret News.
The Washington Herald Is three
years old. II is a good three-year-
old and has lost most Of its colt
ishness.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

According 70 the Georgia papers. the
State viii face both a handsome surplus
and a distressing deficit on January 1.
SO far, the United States has been unable
to imagine itself facing anything other
than the latter.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

The story OF Carlyle's first love has
never been told. When he was teaching
school at Kircaldy. he lost his heart
10 Miss Margaret Gordon. His sentiment
was reciprocated. but the young lady's
aunt frOwned upon the prospect OF an
alliance between her niece and a mere
schOOlmaster. She wrote her lover a
beautiful letter OF farewell in which she
predicted his future greatness. She
afterward became the wife Of Sir Alex
ander Zimmerman.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Uncle Joe can't understand how any
thing can move at all" says the Chi
.cago Record-Herald. Respectfully re-
ferred to Congressman Fowler. late OF
the House Committee on Banking and
Currency.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
New Municipal Gorernmentn.

Western cities continue 10 adopt the
so-called commission plan of government
Thus the new charter or St Joseph. Mo.
provides for a council Of five members
chosen at large The power OF the mayor
is increased and the responsibility for the
public service IS put on his shoulders
The council, however, IS 10 be limited en-
tirely 70 legislative duties, the mayo be-
ing the executive authority. The char
ter provides for a public utilities com
mission and for the initiative. refereD-
DUN. and recall. Topeka, Kans., is 70
vote next month on the adoption OF the
commission plan, numerous Kansas mu-
inequalities having already enrolled them
selves on this side. Now the announce
ment comes from Spokane, Wash. that
the mayor OF that city. Nelson s. Pratt.
soon VIII make a statement declaring
himself IN favor OF the commission gov
eminent. and Offering 10 shorten his
term, which expires in May. 1911, by step
ping out Of Office following a special
election.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Tolsr,tion with Limitations.

VIII Curtis has no serious obiec-
ton to including "Cy" Cummings
within the town limits. when Chevy
Chase. Nd. is incorporated. but he
does object to taking 10 everything
from Rock Creek Bridge TO Chevy
Chase lake.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Mr. RIackhnrn. Pronhet

From the Springfield Republican.
Gov. Backburn's prediction that the Panama
Canal will certainly be completed b. the latter
part Of lsl5' should be posted up along with many
Others. some prediction viii doubtless BE- verified
hy events. but not an Of them can BE-
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Argus at the Polls.

From the New York Sun.
Argus was boasting OF HIS hundred
eyes.
Il could read this years ballot al
glance" he cried.
Plainly, he was born before his time.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

The day Of the horse Is in the past. -
says the Savannah News. Perhaps; but
we seem 10 remember having heard some
thing OF the same kind when the bicycle
was all the rage.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Slipped His Memory.

From the Chicago Record-Herald
II was greatly surprised when Willie
came home from high school night before
last"
What had happened?"
He didn't inform me that he had TO
have another new book"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

An Ohio woman announces that she
viii pay SO reward to the person re-
storing her missing husband. Plainly
enough, he has not been missed much,
however.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

that II would occur TO the management
now and then to centure the piano player
who does not play the instrument with
his hands
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

THE principal streets OF New York are
all torn up says contemporary Doubt
less. That however. is not one Of the
strange and unusual sights people o..
other cities go to New York to see.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Il am sure that death Is a pleasant
thing" MARBLES an Alabama poet. Still.
you might think so. too. gentle reader.
II the prohibition politicians were roam
ing all around your neighborhood.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

That elephant merely made the sad
mistake Of thinking Mr.. Roosevelt was
in full retreat. when he was not any,
thing Of the kind
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Opportunity seldom knocks more than
once" observes the Montgomery Adver-
tser That is why Or. Cook is so sure
Mr.. Peary IS not Opportunlty.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Among the valiant warriors not out
West explaining the virtues of the pres
ent tariff law, we note conspiouously the
Hon. Nelson W. Aldrich.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

How much should a man have before
he marries?" inquiries the Detroit News.
How much what? Sense?
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Eggs are selling at g per dozen in
Cuba. The gentle task Of elevating the
Cuban stage viii, therefore, be indefinite
ly postponed. presumably.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

From the s., Louis srar.
Poet-I rave come a hundred miles
with this joke to sell it 90 you.
Editor-We can't buy II. young man.
Your joke is too far-fetched.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Mr.. Lovett's Upward Way.

From the Philadelphia Press
Robert S. Loyett, who sJcc5eds Hartman as pres
ident Of the Union Pacific, is another man who
PROVES that the way Is Just open Is ever 20 he
top FOR the poor the frsndless. and tho unknown.
Lovett has had no chance but his ability and 10
luck but work
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Mr.. Cannon founders Again.
MIR. DicIsinson,s Cash.

From the Charleston News EnC Courier
Secretary Dickinson has sold the famous Belle
Mead farm, near Nashville. for the sum Of $1,000
He might like to invest that money in South Caro-
lima. He viii be here with Mr. Taft early in No
vember.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Being King OF Spain is not all beer and
skittles nowadays. Neither, however, is
being mayor Of Milwaukee. in all prob
ability
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Idle Items.

Having gotten rid Of the tan, the
beauty magazines are now prescribing
for chapped lips.
Another popular bromide: IT intend to
make Sioux Falls my permanent resi-
dence"
The next worlds fair will 20 70 the
town that can think up a new name for
midway.
The doctor ought not to charge extra
for twins.
Don't be INSCRIPTIONS in a small way.
Maybe.
I missed that Hudson-FNulton tercen-
tenary"
Never mind; you can 80 to the next
one"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Another 'cullud pusson" has coIided
with the Hon. William J. Stone, of Mis-
souri, much to the regret Of HIS many
friends.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

Miss Ida Tarbell is to write another
series Of articles for one OF the maya
zines. despite Mr.. John D. Rockefeller's
recent highly optimistic line Of talk.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

How pleased Richmond must be 70 re-
fleet that it is well within the southern
edge Of Washington's magnificent Octo-
Der weather belt
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
PEOPLE AND THINGS



Savannah is huttering with preparations
to entertain President Taft There is to
be banquet. a voyage on the river. an
automobile trip. and a luncheon. The
suggestion has been made, but does not
seem altogether welcome. that speeches
at the banquet be eliminated. except the
address Of greeting and the Presidents
reply. It is urged also that he be per-
mitted to retire after he has finished his
remarks. But the official programme
calls for six following speeches. each Of
twenty minutes. or a solid two hours Of
oratory. The suggestion is made to relieve
the President OF this infiction by voting
the orators leave 10 print. IN that way
the labor that has been spent in the
preparation OF these speeches would not
be altogether lost. and the people at the
dinner, as well as the people on the out
side, would be able 10 determine what
Mr. Taft escaped
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

new rose has been named for Mr..
Taft. Really sunhower would seem
the more appropriate.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

The piano player in Detroit theater
was censured by the management for
playing the Instrument with his feet
says the Bun9le Express. l. does seen.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Room TO Crow.

And what did your Brooklyn friend
think Of the Washington Monument"
Thought It would be an ideal building
to raise rubber plant in"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
The Only One

who was this old fellow. Pepys, and
what is his claim TO fame?"
His claim TO fame Is well founded.
my friend. He's the man who kept a
diary for more than a year"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
MIR. RoOseveIt's Vocabulary.
Mr. Gnvnor,s Di.coverien-

From the Boston Herald
Mr.. Roosevelt wouldn't find any lack Of abort
and ugly words in New York just now.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
Mr.. Wu's Peril.

FrJr .he Atlanta Constitution.
Wa Tingfang Will be classed with the has-beens
he continues 20 talk with the dead
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
The Old Anecdoten

The old anecdotes never die. They go
from the joke book TO the stage; thence
to the theatrical programme; thence 70
Congressional cloakrooms. and so on.
We have seen the same incident happen
ing 10 Xerxes, Aristotle, Calico. Louis
XIV, Dick Turpin Walpole, Rudyard
Ripling, and the poet Byron. Even now
that old story about the man holding
thirteen trumps at whist and not taking
a single trick. is going the rounds at
tached to prominent pugilist.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23

From the New York Eyeaing Post
Judge Gaynor. yesterday. after his discovery q
TamnAny Hail. was shown the Brooklyn Bridge
and found It very interesting.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-23
CHAT OF THE FORUM.

Mr.. stones Color Line.
Prom the New York Sun.
Some day, when Gum Shoe has grown up. he may
punch, slap. or otherwise reproTe and punish
white man. But he Is very young yet.