davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

That General make sneeze of deep dis
gust.
All them soldiers look gloomily to Us
with eyes like they seen our mistake in
coming to Russia.
''Pushkin,' cry that Commander with
make thrush to us with advanced bay
nuts. Me and Nogi and O-Fido do war
cry shout similar to Port Arthur & soon
ly we are engaged in considerable jiu
jitsu mingled with international banzais
and loud bumps.
But it was a vain struggly for ds.
When nextly we looked we was squelched
fiat to platform with entire Russian Army
setting on our neckties. Our coats &
shoes was removed off to see how much
revolution they contained. A Custom
House policeman rush up with dutiful ex-
preston peculiar to Hon. VIM. Loeb when
greeting the Lusitania. He make in
roads to my satchel-valise & shake away
all my trousseau endeavoring to get me
tariff out of it. After this ceremony we
& Nogi & O-Fido with iron wrist-cuffs
on our sleeves was chain-ganged off to
st Peter & st Pauls Jail where we
couldn't have nothing to read but a copy
of the Outlook translated into Rus
sian and all African correspondence blot
ted out for fear it might teach the Rus
sian people to shoot straight.
"Shall we remain thusly forever till
Death do us mildew? If SO, how shall
we ever chatter with the Ear for all L. s.
newspaper snubble Nogi with weeps.
Howells from O-Fido.
Like all other Depsots, Hon. Ear is a
sweet & kindly man after office-hours, -
I combust confidentially. Therefore l
shall write him a note full of soft tears
So I pull off my cuff & on this I wrote
following SADLY thought:
Dear Zar:--2 Japanese Schoolboys &,
Dog are all American subjecks locked
didn't do & should wish to talk News
paper Correspondence with you, which
we are here TO ask. Please. can't we?'
Yours truly
III. Togo. III. Nogi & O-Fido.''
Ty next early morn, while O-Fido was
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
Out at Us. .

collar. Il am principally interested in
Ears
I'VE have deliciously few Ears in Amer
ica," i snuggest (O-Fido shake his tail
waggishly when he hear this, like he
should wish to choke with smiles)
How is Senator Aldrich?'' require
Nick
Loved and suspected by ALL l report.
whenever America needs anything, that
great statesman sees it first & pickles it.
for the Pluto Cats. He are revered
everywheres as the happy idol of the
Unpopular Majority
The Boss of Rumanuff think thought
fully
with such an One he dictate finally,
Il should be able to run Russia on soft
springs. Oftenly / have thought of this.
AS / said to Cousin Victor while L press
ed his fine Italian hand, Emmanuel l
SAYS, the Tyrant Trust has got too much
Divine Right and Internal Nonsense.
What we need is a good Business Mana
GER Nick say Vic, have oftenly
considered that same lack. But what
use? 1 have applied at Washington times
& times, only to find that all the Talent
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

cause and effect And this was the exact
moment chosen by James in which to
ask her to marry him.
When James and Genevieve came back
from their honeymoon, the happy bride
groom was warmly congratulated by his
many friends. When he went home to
Genevieve the first evening he said,
m darling, assure you nothingwrong-
hatetaSteStuff.'
All the years that James was coming
home to Genevieve perfectly sober-er-
that is, sober at three evenings out
out of the week. Genevieve was thinking
with some pride that if he would only
straighten up he would show those
friends OF his who had so far distanced
him in the race-because, really, said
Genevieve to herself, James was far the
aplest of them all. 1t was nothing but
his disastrous habits that stood in his
way.
And at last the day dawned when
James came to. He saw what he really
looked like and decided that the time
had come when he must straighten up
and leave behind his boyish ways. So
he Strengthened up. Immediately? Yes,
Immediately. Was it an awful struggle?
No. it was not an awful struggle.
He was sick a week or SO and felt de-
pressed and down for months, but that
was about all. Because the truth is that
it is not such an awful struggle a
rule. The truth is that James and John
and William and Charles are not often in
earnest when they say they want to
stay on the water wagon, SO they cheer
fully fall off again.
Their wives think they are? Yes, but
their wives only see them when they are
depressed and down in the mouth The
minute James and the rest of them
he.
You don't believe it? Well, you ask
your brother about it, Genevieve, my
dear. and watch what he says.
Well, when James really made up his
mind to quit he just quit And the sad
dest point of the story is right here
he never did astonish the world. He
never set the river on fire, he never did
thing except to continue to make rather
a shabby living for Genevieve
She had reformed him, but the reform
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
The Hopping Prince.

9 ENATOR TILLMAN at a Washing
- ton dinner party was talking about
the duties of an ambassador.
They are important duties" said he.
"A really good ambassador should
know all about the country he is sent
to. Then he wouldn't make the mistake
committed by an American in Afghan
iStan.
This American entertained the shah
zada for three days, giving him very
handsome suite of rooms in his house.
The morning of the shahzada's ar
rival the American host visited him in
his apartment and was amazed to sec
the royal guest and his entire STAFF
hopping about the floor in the oldest
way. They conversed politely and
gravely, but instead of walking they
hoped. taking great leaps of eight or
nine feet
The host ventured to ask the reason
of this hopping. The shahzada politely
replied:
You see, this carpet is green. with
pink roses here and there. Green is
sacred color with us, so we are obliged
to hop from rose to rose. 1t is good
exercise, but rather fatiguing, l con-
feSs.'"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

under the table l could distinctually See
a Gentleman with a crown & sweet taffy
whiskers who peeked slyly out at us
BY his meek & shared expression we
knowed at tonce he must be that talented
Tyrant and desperate Despot, the Ear
of Russia.
With slow caution he creep out from
this coy hiding and arose up before us.
stomacks reverently. O-Fido stood wag
ging his base tail in a similar manner.
That extremely high-horse Nick stepped
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

''Ycu are permitted to stand by my
chair" snuggest Nick. when l get a
extra large helping l shall pass you
slight nibbles of this
l am obliged to give Nogi a mean
punch to stop him from fainting off
Please Mr.. Rumanuff,' I commence
interviewing I'VE reporters come all
way from Chicago to make a interview
with you which will be read by all the
Human Population of America
II do not care for Human Popula-
tons" depose Nick tocking napkin in his
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

Cordial feelings of international cour
tesy enjoyed by all when we read this
Nogi were too anxi Jus. as usual. He at
tempt to elope to Winter Palace withoit
his coat & hat: but / detach him from
this rudeness, because it are customar,
to be polite to Kings. however you dis
agree with them in the newspapers.
At 1890 exact clock-time we was un
chained. A moujik tRussian name 70.
Pullman Porter massaged our feetwar.
& lent me a uniform belonging to a
Swiss Admiral who was dead 1t might
have been a good fit. but. it wasn't
The pants which was very sweetly en-
broidered, was SO tall they clothed m
completely and must be pinned aroun'
my neck to avoid drop-off. you coul;
make them cozier by turning them up
snuggest Nogi. l do so and they fold
around my knees with appearance of run
Der boots Howeverly, 1 look very mliti
in this disguise.
BY outside sidewalk we was met will
a golden sley driven by a gilt coachman
Great enthusiasm everywheres while n
pass by. Folks what seen us thought W
was Princes or visiting Alderman of higl
rank. While we was booling down Me-
ski Prospeckt we was shot at times h,
Socialists Democrats. Which show no
aristocratck we must have looked.
Soonly we arrive to Winter Palace. Til
architecture look like any other City Ha'
only more expensive and less corrupt
We penetrated up steps to a hallway o
Waldorf appearance. Dukes & bellboys
seen everywheres. At lastly we was SET
down in a back parlor full of art treas,
ures which Hon. Pierpont Morgan has
not yet took away. We sat here lone
somely till we began to feel quite mo-
notonous except O-Fido who sniffie
around royal plush ornaments expecting
it might contain rats.
-.
"If this Ear is as hard to get at as
Hon. Phil P. Knocks, 1 shall not wait,
/ report peevly. But nearly Immediately
a Flunkish Person entered & becked us
EDWARDS once more. We followed sheep
~
Next room we entered was shaped like
a tank, composed soldly of hardware on
all sides Rivets, bolts and sheet-iron
seen everywheres. Tables & chairs was
made entirely of steel & screwed to floor.
Asbestos carpets lying right left.
Crosseyes Cossack gunners. veterans of
the Japanese war, stood by each corner
with gatling guns which they seemed
prepared to shoot with their usual mac
curacy. Over Hon. Door was a hanson
Russian sign which appeared to say.
God should defend our popular Ear.
But we're taking no chances-so here
we are.'
table, and by this table set / chair, and
on this table set knife & fork & spoon
G. plate & cup & saucer.
How could we be invited to lunch
when dishes is all set so singly?' require
Nogi with chewing expression of Hon
Horse Fletcher.
'Hosh it, I snub reverently, because
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

was engaged several years ahead by the
local market.
Were it not a fine demonstrators Of
International Peace & Friendship when
you & Hon. Vic. Emmanuel met together
in Pellagra, Italy?' is next question for
me.
"Suburbly sblandid." requite this great
Despotter. For days & days before our
arrival together the loyal soldiery moved
down the grass & trees & peasants along
the r. r. track and chased off whatever
dynamiters was hiding there: for weeks
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
Kissing His Chains.

Upton SINCLAIR, in a recent address
- in New. York, said, pointedly:
These poor people who oppose social
ism remind me of dog l once saw.
1.-THE dogs muzzle as the animal passed
me. dropped off. / am against muzzling
and SO I kicked the wire cCntrivance into
the gutter.
But the dog resented my action by
showing his teeth and growing angrily
He picked up the muzzle and trotted
home With 1t in his mouth
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

only one Dad habIt tt was tHe IItsOIt
which most women call bad habits he
was a real estate man, was James and
his bad habits were very active right
after he had cinched deal. He cinched
a deal rather SO often-perhaps-
Genevieye met James at "a club party,
according to the commonplace wont of
things, and he was very nice to her. She
was a nice little thing, and he got into
the habit of driving out rather often to
her fathers home on the very edge of the
town. II is not too much to say that
Genevieve fell In love with him. James
fell in love with her. too. Then he went
driving out to see Genevieve very often
and was allowed to stay to SUPPER, and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

forwards and clasped our hands with his
entire soul. Nothing could be more
Democratick unless it was Republican
candidate before election
do not fall on your face and clasp
my boots he applied. Because l am a
King, should / always be having my
shine spoiled by human fingers?'
Me & Nogi & O-Fido was disabled 10
reply
do you speak Russian he nextly re-
quired in L. s. language.
tate 1--WE do not speak Russian, but we
are able to listen to it with great pa
tience"
Il am so happy you do not speak it,
he say joyly. Il never leerned it mVel
Few Kings understands the disgusting
language of their sacred Fatherlands. 1t
is hard enough to be Emperor of Russia
without entangling my tonsils in sylla,
bles too explosive for one of my English
parentage"
Hon. Ear sat down to lunch at his cast
iron table. ''Where should WE set?'' re-
quires me & Nogi in unicorn.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
HEN I approached

HEN / approached
into st. Petersburg
by train l was
accompanied by
Cousin Nogi. my
dog O-Fido and the
rest o. my bag
gage. BY looking
from window of
car we could see
1000 complete SOL
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

III EN- a woman
marries "A man to
reform him she
fails To take into
consideration that
by the time she has
got it dore there
will be nothing left
but re t o + m-the
man will be entire
ly rotted away.
James was q de-
ghtful man, with
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
The Genevieve Who Married to Reform Him.

ghost at that, perhaps Genevieve did not
have much Of a run for her money after
all.
Copyright 1909, by the Associated Literary
Press.)
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

a undertaken or some other humble mer-
chant to be free equal and loved by ail
who meet your" requesh
why should it?" reproach Ear with
napkin. why should these happy mer-
chants be happier than me? Am I not
also loved by all who meets me? / am.
If folks don't love me. they are not per-
mitted to meet me. Few ordinary Plum
bers, however prosperous, can afford a
Standing Army to protect them from
criticism. II folks don't love a Plumber
they can approach his studio and say
with voice. Hon. Sir. you are a grasping
species Of shell-fish.' But any person
what desire to call me a shell-fish has
got to go to Siberia to say it,
But is not Ears frequently poisoned
by Anarchy food?" I requite.
mo more oftenly than Plumbers is
poisoned by banjoate of Soda" say Nick
in Wiley manner.
But Ears is frequently shot by their
loving subjects I narrate.
Not so oftenly as Plumbers is shot by
barkeeps," compose he
Then you mean tell me that you got
SO little ambition that you are humbly
contented with being a Zar?' cry off,
Il can think of no other job l would
rather be-" say him. "A Ear is as happy
as King. A Diplomat is hired to read
the mean things said about him in pa
pers. A Prime Minister arranges my
thoughts. a Valet arranges my baths.
of Physicians and Surgeons. When
think about how protected I am l should
sing and dance through my cozy bomb
proof home as joyful as a kindergarten"
"And do you sing & dance thusly?"
so sorry to report say Ear with
slight tear-drop." I do not. Whenever 1
O09O0,OOO enemies awaiting around cor
ner to .iuggle me up
But why should you have bilious frite
from enemies what can't get at you?
Enemies to a King is like Mikerobes to
Private Persons. man can giggle at
Death when Science stands around TO
guard him from such Bugs"
Hon. Nick. Ear of Russia. arise uply &
throw off tableware excitably.
"Hashumuroff Togosky. how little you
understand Kings and other sickness"
he decrop. when microbes chew you,
you do not know it and are therefore gay
& reckless. But it is him who is Steri-
LIKED who sleeps with nightmares and
jumps hooting from his dreams at the
lightest football of typhoid Germ
So he shake his crown as signal that
we should be showed away from his pres
ence. And me & Nogi & O-Fido make
back-off bows striking our ankles on
nearly all furniture we pass until we feel
quite decomrosed.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright, 1900, by the Associated Literary
Press.1
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

they was satisfied. Hon. Waiter pour out
Hon. Soup to Hon. Ear and gave the bot
tie to me & Nogi & O-Ffdo.
''Why should you act so DIR. Wiley
about your Foods?" l requesh.
II are always particular to know that
no Dangerous Poltickal Opinions has got
into 1t by mistake negotiate him with
spoon.
What is advantage of being Zar?" Is
fresh question from me-
"A Ear can club down the Common
Pedestrians at the sligtest peev." he mar
rate.
I'm America any Traffic Policeman can
do that" / report
so many folks can do what they
please in America-O Liberty. how free
you are!" say Nick. reverently pressing
his fork to his heart
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

thinking lonesomely of friends in Ohio
& Nogi was borrowing a Siberian Rail-
way Timetable from a Anarchist in the
next apartment, of suddenly Imperial
Janitor Of the Guard, brightly trimmed
with feathers, arrived up & poke follow
ing envelope into our excited cages:
Room 26 Imperial Palace
Dear Togo
Excuse me not to be among others tn
welcome you at Union Depot yesterday.
Make yourself comfortable as possible.
Can't you come & have free lunch with
me to day? Dress Informally in any
Admiral's uniform you happen to have
around. Bring your Cousin Nogi and the
other dog.
Yours truly
Nick
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

TOR All u. S. Newspapers
i Hashinura Togo, Ac-
companied by Cousin Nogi
and His Other Dog O-Fido,
Makes a Confidential Chatter
With Hon. Nick, Ear of Rus
STA.
st. Petersburg.
To Editor Sunday Star. talented prince
who are very cross about all king
and other Crushers,
Dearest Sir:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

& weeks the happy Pinkertons, disguised
as dainty f1ower-girls, thronged ga:ly
among the freight yards with firearms
tastefully concealed among baskets of
pretty flowers. What could be more in
spring than the shouts of the 10000 Cos
sacks, deputy sheriffs and special police
men who met our Harveyized bomb-proof
trains, smuggled us into armored auto
mobiles and so on our way to Pellagra
Castle. the International Government
Spies Band following on motorcycles and
playing patriotick tunes to the deafen-
ing cheers of our loyal subjects and other
Anarchists on their way to Jail? What
could be a more encouraging reception to
one in the King Business"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05
MY, darling, I assure you nothing
is wrong"

was about all there was left AS Gene
We've sometimes said to herself, 1T
seems as If he were only a ghost-only a
ghost
AS he was a perfectly commonplace
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-05

Nothing but Revolution / report
chivalrously.
While thusly we Chartered a Duke in a
Head Walters uniform entered in with a
quart of soup firmly closed up in a air.
tight bottle. He sat this down with sa-
lutes on the table befront of the Ear
After him followed 6 Polish Scientists
who approached up & examined that
nourishment with microscopes. After
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1909-09-10
Lumber Jacks Meet.

The convention of the Montana Re-
tail Lumber Dealers association
held at Lewistown last Thursday was
a complete success, according to all
reports received. The business SEES
sion of the association was held at the
Bright hotel in the morning. and ut
evening Il s,lmptuous banquet was
served at the same place. Brief adj
dresses were made by President }. +.
Lane, David lIilger, John Dierks, Of
Two Dot; Mr.. Crane, Of Minneapolis;
Mr.. Porter, of Spokane: Mr.. Call, of
Minneapolis: Mr.. Hopkins, of Helena:
Mr.. Healey, Of Belt; and J. & We'd
eman, of Lewistown.
Following is a list OF the delegates
who took part in the convention:
Pres. j. +. Lane, John Dierks. Two
dot; X. \. Day, Butte; a. II. Rem
ington, Sand Point: David lIilgpr,
LewistOwn; A. L. Rolhf, Moore: W.
A. Riggs, Miles City: \. +. Ellis
worth, Moore: L. G. fowler, Straw:
II. a. Templeton, Laurel: +. W.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1909-09-10
OF to Canada.

On last Saturday, Elmer Newell, a
rancher near Judith Gap, borrowed a
team of horses from one of his neigh
bors, VIM. Yappel, for the purpose of
fencing the homestead claim Of Rev.
J. l.. Lennon, which is located be-
tween Straw and Garneill, but in
stead of doing any fencing he brought
the team to this city, and after re-
naming here a while drove back to
Straw, where he traded the team to a
man named Irish for four horses, Civ
ing a mortgage for the difference and
skipped the country. 1t is thought
that he is headed for Canada, but the
officers who are after him are conf
dent that they will apprehend him
before he gets very Farmland En-
pire.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1909-09-10

Brown, Helena; F. Toole, Anaconda:
&. q. Parker, J. w. Merge, G. G.
Long, H. NJ. Traywlck, Lewiston; $.
N. Landoc, Stanford; C. E. Brown.
Miles City; II. NJ. Allen, Billings; A.
Shaw, Roundup; J. NJ. Flint. Boze-
man; f. NJ. Sybert, Livingston; w.
4. McCampbell, Billings; H. N.
kleinfelter, Moore; E. A. Coates,
Kansas City: I. f. Healey, Belt: d.
W. Bundy, Great Falls; l.. r. Els
rood, Seattle; }. E. Owen, Moore; A.
q. Naimdorf, Eureka: &. b. Hopkins,
Helena: J. II. LathrOp, Clyde Park,
Spokane; w. J. owen, Moore: q. M.
Porter, Billings; G. Hash, Harlow
ton: F. l.. Carney, Hedges; 6. j.
Wideman. A. w. Stoddard. Lewis
Town; II. c. Call, Maynard Crane,
Minneapolis: U. Donohue, Mandan,
n. ID.
The next meeting will be held in
December at Great Falls.
Judith Gap journal. [volume] (Judith Gap, Mont.) 1908-19??, 1909-09-10
81 BUSHELS TO The ACRE
Thresh;rg on the II. D. Jones' Farm Complete
ed...Yield Large In Winter Wheat.

II. ID. Jones, the popular manager
of the Montana Lumber company in
judith Gap, received word the first
Of the week that threshing on his
farm was completed, and that the
yield O.. winter wheat was - bushels
to the acre. Mr.. Jones had in 80
acres and the yield will be 4.64l bush
els. The wheat is Of Il fine quality,
and as the demand will BE- large in
the spring for good quality Of grain
for seed. he will, by holding it, re
ceive over 81 Il bushel for the same.
1t is only question Of a short time
when land that will produce like the
land i'll this section Of the country
does, will sell readily from $50 to
Sl2o an acre.