The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-12-05
KIND OF AUTO
 THAT HE WANTED Needs of Man Who Would Be
 kingpin At Home REAL SPORT WITH MOTOR Dealer Shows Him Ono of Those Nolseiess, seif-starting contrap-
 tons and Customer Tells Why It Wouldn't Do.
REAL SPORT WITH MOTOR

From the Omaha Bee.
 He came Into the salesroom with the air Of a man who had the price and said: 'I want to buy automobile" What grade of car have you in mindr' the sales manager asked.
 st"well, either black or red" he replied ''Of course you can have any finish of body color you please" said tho man. ager. 'Have you made up your mind as to power and cos?.'
 "Oh, Pm not particular about that, so long as the machine suits me"
 Well just step outside" said the man. ager. I've got something there that might interest you Now here," opening the hood, Ifs one of our regular six cyl hder stock cars, What do you think of motorr'
 Docs she do all right?"
 "Wait and see"
 The sales manager took look at the speed lever, saw that it was set at neu- tral and emarked She's been stand ing since morning, but guess she's held her compression in some of the cylin- ders"
 
 began to tum. He watched the machine with an expression of admiration and asked: Flows that?"
 No noise? said the prospective buyer. Not bit,' replied the sales manager sexcept the click of the air valve, and you wouldn't hear that if the hood was closed. Absolutely silent muffler"
 No blue smoke blowing out?" the man remarked.
 Perfect mechanical lubrication," said the salesman; "all you have to do is to keep oil in, your lubricating tank"
 Then the salesman sounded the chime Sounds like the beginning of a hymn,' observed the wouldbe buyer.
 But what you want to know about" the salesman went on. 'is construction Now. these cylinders are bored with abso- lute accuracy, after being cast of the fin est gray metal The rings are machined to perfection, the connecting rods--I'll show you one insde-are of the toughest bronze. the boxing on the crank shaft are fastened with nuts. locknuts and cot ter pins the wristpins are pushed with the best anti-friction metal. every wear ing part of steel case hardened and will wear like the jewelled bearings of a chronometer the carbureter Is the lat est non-filling-"
 Did you say you furnish them painted either red or back?' the customer broke Certainly. sir; but that is as you know. a minor. One moment, excuse me"
 By the time the sales manager had re- turned the possible customer had made up his mind as to what he wanted to say next. There were certain deficiencies. in his way of thinking, in the car that had been shown to him, but he would inquire the price painted either red or black. The salesman told him he would dem onstrate the car in the crowded streets of the city on the country roads, at hill climbing and running through sand and named the price.
 Now whatdye think of that propos- tion for a swell carp said the sales man. ager.
 Well, 1t seems to be all right. all right, replied the man. but its just this way: Down where l some from there are maybe dozen automobiles now and the fellers that own them are the king and I want to be in it with them-I mean to be ahead of 'em.'
 "When they're getting ready to start out the town knows there's something doing. Do I want an automobile that I'll fade away in noislessly and never be missed unless I fail to come back before the week Is out7
 Let me tell you what they do, They call in the neighbors to help them back the machine out in the road When it Is strengthened around they open the cover of the engine and monkey with all the contraptions inside. After they have done this for awhile they knock off and go to dinner. The crowd stays and watches for them to come back.
 linen they monkey with the insides of the thing some more. shut up the cover twist some things in the box of the wagon and go around in front of it. They get hold of the crank and look over their shoulders to see if the way ahead is clear. The women have all the young ones out of the road and crowd them back against the fences.
 linen the automobilist turns the crank. and turns 1t some more He gees back and monkeys with something in the box and comes around in front ana turns again. After turning the crank for while he throws off his coat and uses his Handkerchief.
 ''Then he gives her another whirl and she starts up, knocks him over, breaks off a hitching post and stops. He picks himself up, says he forgot to set the speed control at neutral or neuter, or whatever 1t is and has her backed into the road again.
 "After lot more cranking she begins to play a sort of devils tattoo on the atmosphere She makes a noise like tear ing off clapboards and winds up with an explosion that sets the babies squallng and the dogs bowling. Then she drops into sort of double shuttle round. and after he has twisted some more things in the wagonbox he settles down to about the noise you hear in Q boiler fac tory.
 .srhen he gets in, sQueezes out of the rubber ball sQuawk that makes the frightened young ones tip over backward, and he's off streak of blue smoke from the tail of the machine makes everybody sneeze, and as they watch him disappear in cloud of dust and smoke they can hear the squawking of the chickens as they fly over the fences.
 "That's what call automobiling. With +b,s contraption you have shown me wouldn't be in it. I would slide out of view without being noticed. as if I had crawled under the back yard fence and sneaked away. aWhat want is a regular automobile. vou understand? You may have some- thing later that would suit me and per haps I'll call around
 FOR RENT