The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-04-11
DRIFT WOOD

l DRIFTWOOD
 We'll. did the lightning strike your pocket book?
 Even if 1t did do not grumble; just satisfy your soul by standing on the street corners this morning and look ing at the parade of beautifully attired hand painted. powdered. perfumed and upholstered blonde. brunette, ana their way to Easter service, while the song birds are singing in the rose bushes and the glorious Sun kisses Montgomery in very spasm or Joy.
 The woman who milks three cows. cleans up the whole house and does the cooking, washing and ironing Tor the entire family is the very one who Is kicking the most about this tariit on hats. t't.
 Congress is talking at the rate of about 6oO,000 words day, according to a careful authority congress Tn this respect seems to be as verbose as a body of suffrasettes'
 While we sit on our front verandas and enjoy the sunshine today, Just think of the people in Denver noWIns at the weather man TOT senoins ehi eight inches of snow.
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 How few people there are in this worli who are perfectly willing to ac- cept their share of the blame Tn any thing, Most of us invariably try to lay 1t on the other feiiow'
 When we die we hope to go to a place where nobody will brag on their ancestors.
 When the average young man makes horns; he too frequently trys to conceal
 What Init old Crazy Snake would make going on the stage and singing Indian songs as zoe P, ai14H5 ogf
 Sort of knocks the romance out of the honeymoon when you see the bridegroom when they get back nome out in the Backyard splitting up! kind- ling in his shirt sleeves, according to d Western paper. Yes. 1t doess and at your boarding house. when the dainty little bride who looked so sweet marching up the aisle to the strains oi Mendelsshon comes down 10 rs,aS DreaSiaSe nn Ii also knocks some of the romance out of the thing.
 The bum actor often feels the 'yolk of oppression" in the rorm oL an si ese heinz hurled from the indignant gal lery gods.
 A poet has just died in Denmark leaving an estate of $l,OO0,0oO. Lest you labor under misapprenenslSHn l,. 11s Ha we ,s ali in the poetry business, however"
 The Chicago Tribune is calling on the women of the country 10 put on their war paint and resist the s,r .arsa, ,nar paint it is usually to prove irristioie to some man.
 A Georgia organ in Methodist Church is to be run by water t III rtSuIe e; that all right. since prohipluon went info effect She's that much like Ala bama.
 living" says London physician .as Sua entirely to mental laziness.' ' Some of these fairy tales however that 2 husband tells his wife about where and how he spent the night when ne crawls sheepishly in at aoo1t t a; m:, 1azv brain. On the contrary 1t Is fair example of mental activity we maintain. t7
 "noes the tax on perfume include the
 .oot oT the automobile?" enquiries a contemporary. No, there's nary cent m the scent of the auto more's the pity . +
 There is a reaper whose name In Death And he swoopeth down like polar A,a Dpe@cait ire ccaaitcheth the flowers and he
 catcheth the Weeds' ..,,. .,, IIa catcheth all classes, he catcheth all ua creeeIi crtteth man down in the streets with eSeV a wild dHonk, honk." as he scOots ,yo oe%sth distinctions not at all. The rich and the poor pht abtNe he Soesn'f And when he Is caught ne ooesh Rut %marcheth right up and payeth his oh lfns. Reaner of Death. why can't you vou reI. bie grim reaper. ''The Automobile!
 "what is whiskey?" Is again going the rounds We can tell you what whiskey Is not If that Will oo any good.
 General Miles says that killing Hens and tigers Is brutal. No use Tn talk- ing that way. however; ;l.1S,i,tn l iS n,i,,ptS ts, ST dIr inc iuster of the mighty Roose- velt's fame. A Boston doctor has found two yer njform appendices In one patient T1,iS TbiS is rubbing 1t in too strongly, The cost of removing one appendix s IS rnouE t,,,o-weII inc patient either had plenty o or the hs,.noson dSStGr was and WaneS pa m .a,ts ojf the poor devil had, includ ing his home and household goods
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 Woman can live without reading of woman can live without yes-even But. oR. Mir. Payne you will start teers -,v,i,nsd ana ''iU woman can't live without
 stockings.
 "T,ove is tender. but 1t Is also tough. ynuses Phil Armstrong, in contempla- don of spring. Which. after all Is 7 shorter and uglier way of sayinF Iris sweet to love, but. oh, how bit ter to love a Rir' and then not 'gi' so, yuo sblpc cfon 1arafa