davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-05-08

Does Not lStin,uIatel
Ayers Sarsapara does not stimulate 1t does not make
you feel better one day. then bad the next
not strong drink. No reaction after you stop using
There not drop of alcohol in it. You have the steady
even gain that comes from strong tonic and Alternative
We wish you would ask your doctor about this He /
knows Trust him. Do as he says Co. LoweH Mas,
Do doctors recommend hem2 Ask
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

that the money was labeled issue Of 1904"
Mr.. Graustark is cashier in the First State
Trust Company of this city and consequently
was Immediately placed under arrest on
charges Of misapplying the funds of the bank.
He pleads innocence, declaring that he must
have accidentally swallowed the coins while
biting them to see if they were genuine.
Whee, Tenn. (By long distance telephone.)-
Your cores (hic) -pondent had quite a (hic)
time to-day in this (hic) hamlet. He had
quite a severe cold when he struck (hic) here
and was one of the Ulcers who were present
at the discov- Chico cry Of a magic well on the
city hall square. The well flows real moon
shine whisky Chic, hic). This is a drysh
town (hic). The well is a pub hic) lie utility.
Jim Orson made the (hic) wonderful dis
covery. 1t is considered very (hic) probable
that the well will be enjoined from flowing
by the supreme (hic) court. You have to
drop Is cents in the (hic) well to make 1T
flow. Your cores (hic) -pondent is broke.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
JOY WORK
And the Other Kind.

Did you ever stand on a prominent
corner at an early morning hour and
watch the throngs of people on their
way to work? Noting the number who
were forcing themselves along be-
cause it meant their daily bread, and
the others cheerfully and eagerly pur-
suing their way because of love Of
their work.
It is a fact that ones food has much
to do with 1t. As an example:
If an engine has poor oil, or a boiler
is fired with poor coal, a bad result is
certain, isn't it?
Treating your stomach right is the
keystone that sustains the arch Of
health's temple and you will find
"Grape-Nuts' as a daily food is the
most nourishing and beneficial you can
use.
We have thousands Of testimonials.
real genuine little heart throbs, from
people who simply tried Grape-Nuts
out Of curiosity-as a last resort-with
the result that prompted the testimo-
NAL.
II you have eve tried Grape-Nuts
it's worth while to give 1t a fair impair
tial trial. Remember there are mil
lions eating Grape-Nuts every day
they know, and we know IL you Will
use Grape-Nuts every morning your
work Is more likely to be joy-work, be-
cause you can keep well, and with the
brain well nourished work is a 10y.
Read the Road to MELVILLE" in every
package-There's "a Reason"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

~crockery; which. Of course. 1t is ETH
quette to do, but not before the fol-
lowing day. Again, If the ozone were
especially Astounding in the system, it
might be easy for one cow-puncher,
or two, or several to shoot out the
lights in a saloon, or mayhap ever In
a concert hall or theater, the latter be-
ing more risky as IN undertaking, of
course; for where there we're women
there were always other six-shooters.
1t Is generally supposed that the un.
erring aim Of the cow-puncher-which
beyond natural limitations Is much d
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

the small-bore repeating rifle. If Feni-
more Cooper were alive to-day, he
would g all of Natty Bumpo's feats
with the rifle far more than merely
surpassed; indeed, discounted.
Sometimes a cow-puncher full Of
ozone-and sure that the sheriff was
out Of town-would ride into a saloon
and shoot at the glassware back of the
bar, It was not difficult to hit some
thing that would make a fine smash;
and II one has just pulled down two or
three months pay from the boss, 1t
is easy to pay for quite a line Of
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

its species who are in deeper water. The
serpent seemed to like this little summer vii
lage until It's appearance at night when it
is supposed that the loving couples on the
sands either made it envious or gave rise
to nausea. Then it disappeared, its tail tick
ing off the telegrapher's "30,' which means
good night" and sometimes never again"
For several days the young women bathers
deserted their favorite haunts on the sands
and the young men wittily said that at that
time there was some excuse for not getting
their pretty bathing suits wet.
Delingpath, Cal.-Probably the most won
derful mistake which nature ever made is
that which was unearthed here III the birth
Of a COW with its horns on it's rear hoofs. 1t
has no horns on its head. 1t was several
months before the horns on its hoofs began
to sprout. 1t is a very savage animal and
none dare go near it, for it fights just as does
a game rooster and is more vicious. The
owner, Mr.. A. ]. Hirshfield, is planning to
breed the species and hopes to develop a new
sport to take the place of both chicken fight
ing and bull fights. He held q contest last
week betweena bull dog and his devil cow"
the name which residents of this section have
applied to the animal and the COW reduced
the canine to m%incemeat, giving rise to a
new industry-that of the manufacture of
bulldog sausage.
Ding a Ling, China.-The belief of fve-year-
old American boys that If they dig through
the earth they will slide out in Chinese terri.
tory was illustrated in a %jocular vein to-day
when your correspondent arrived In a little
suburb outside Of Ding a Ling, in which all
the houses are inverted and hang thus from
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

fiction, like a great many other pleas
ant things In life--was the means by
which the lights were shot out; but as
a matter Of fact, the ordinary small oil
lamp, such as furnished the usual H.
Elimination of the border ediflce, will
go out Of itself when several shots are
fired at nee or close together near 1t;
and this is the case even in a room Of
considerable size, the concussion Of
the heavy black powder load being
Quite sufficient to do the trick. One
can verify this by a term Of practice
in his own dining-room, provided he
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
Too Much for His Mind.

my first impulses" walled the Sad
Eyed Individual, ARE invariably good.
In fact, l think that l may venture,
without fear of undue exaggeration, to
say that they are very good. But 1
act on them! l always act on
second thoughts. This trait in my char
acter has ruined my career, because
my second thoughts are always bad!
In fact, think l may say, without fear
Of Misrepresentation, that they're
punk"
WELL" suggested he who was lis
tening, why don't you wait until
third thoughts, and act on them?"
Mournfully, despondently, the Sad
Eyed Individual shook his head.
my dear sir" he groaned, II never
had three successive thoughts about
anything in my life!"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

grew stronger, and within three months
/ was a perfectly well woman.
az want this letter made public to
show the benefit women may derive
from Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound"-Mrs. JOHN G. MOLDAN,
2115 Second ST., North, Minneapolis,
MINI.
Thousands of unsolicited and genu-
inc testimonials like the above prove
the efficiency of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, which is made
exclusively from roots and herbs.
Women who suffer from those dis
tressing ills peculiar to their sex should
not lose sight of these facts or doubt
the ability of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound to restore their
health.
Ifyou want special advice write
to Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass.
confidential. For 90 years SItA
has been helping sick women in
this way, free of charge. Don't
hesitate - write at once.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
THE COWBOY AND HIS "GUN"

roll a can-more easily down hill-by
starting 1t moving with one shot and
following 1t up with others. This is
something like the trick at rife shoot
ing Of firing under q cartridge lying on
a board, and then exploding the car,
fridge with a quick second shot while
At is In the air. This sounds incred,
ible, but 1t is a feat done by some
fancy target shots, who do almost in
credible things on moving objects with
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
BRIGHT SIDE TO BUSINESS.
Occasional Flash of Humor Enlivens
Chase After Dollar.

1t is supposed that business letters
are deficient in humor. Still there
have been exceptions, and the latest,
sent by a member of the well-known
wholesale soap-making firm of (let us
say Cake & Son, is one of the most
brilliant. A retail dealer in a small
way had sent for a consignment Of
their goods: Gentlemen Che writes)
"wherefor you have not sent me the
sope? Is it bekawse you think my
money is not so good os nobody elses?
Dam you, Cake & Son! wherfor have
you not sent the sope? Please send
sope at once, and oblige yours respect
fully, Richard Jones. P. S.-Since
writing the above my wife has found
the sope under the counter"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

being deceived into the belief that she had
laid the egg, proceeded to hatch it out, the
process taking four months.
Thu wee chick has no feathers and much
resembles a pottery creation. 1t walks me-
chemically, its small legs working in sock
cts, while its neck does not wag like that
of the ordinary fowl in search of food. The
youngster appears in good health and will
probably live. So hard is the chicks body
that Mr.. Seaman will paint the stars and
stripes where the feathers should be and
when the paint is dry he will present the
wee fowl to the Smithsonian institution at
Washington, which has been seeking just
such a phenomenon for the past so years.
Tuscalooloo, Nev.-One of the uuaintest
exhibitions of mother love which ever drew
tears to the eyes of a matinee girl was that
which this small busting city witnessed to-
day when a number of town officials off on
a junket, returned to tell of the manner in
which a mountain lion protected its young.
The officials had come to a point in a
mountain pass and were surprised to see a
little distance ahead of them a male and
female mountain lion rolling a gigantic
boulder down the side Of a hillock. Deity
the pair placed the big rock against a hole
in the face Of the mountain and then de-
parted in search Of food. 1t was marvellous
in the eyes Of the city officials and they pro-
ceeded to investigate. In the cavern they
found seven lion cubs, playing peek-a-boo,
secure from attack.
The watchers hid a short distance away
and a few minutes later were greeted by
the soft footballs of the returning lions.
The male, loosening a small rock beneath
the boulder, allowed 1t to slip a few feet
to the right and both animals passed into
the cavern and out of sight.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
Child ood's Frankness.

A little girl went visiting one day,
and after a time was given the album
OF family photographs to look at. She
turned the leaves over carefully, and
pretty soon closed the book.
We'll dear" asked the hostess,
did you look at the album"
oh, yes" answered the little maid,
brightly, land we've got one 'zactly
like 1t, only the pictures are prettier!"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

can find the old sort Of oil lamp. The
mere extinguishing Of a light, how
ever, was not nearly so satisfactory as
the accompanying smashing of its
chimney. In that case, the lamp
would go out, and nearly everybody
else would go out, too.-Outing.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
r1ppu OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES

~ y ~ ~ ~ ~ " ~ ~ ~
+ UNUSUAL OCCURRENCES in the an
} imal and other kingdoms are always the
I most interesting to the American peo-
! pie. The editor realizes that Of late there
! have not been enough queer happen
: ings, which seemingly violate natures
J laws, and though usually law-abiding he
I has endeavored to supply the want. In
I pursuance with this policy Nate Urefake,
) the renowned and much-traveled natural
s list. who declined President Roosevelt's Of
! fer to accompany the executive on his
! East African hunting trip. was employed
to scout up hundreds of unusual, yet in
t~eresting occurrences. The tour took sew
eral months and from time to time the
author mailed the following accounts of
the strange things which were reported
to him. Only this week Mr.. Urefake's
dreams came to an end, and he delicate
~ eonfded that he had sworn off for
+ good. EDITORS Note.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
Trick of Shooting Out Lights Not Hard
to Accomplish,

The tin a has been mentioned as
the natural adversary Of a large class
OF gun fighters, and few objects of ami
mated nature could be found more
fl for The purpose. 1t is omnipresent
In the west; Is light, hollow, perfor-
able, and automatically recording. A
fayorlte trick Of the cow-puncher is to
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

a gigantic crag which projects
from the side of a precipice.
The people do not walk upside
down as might be supposed.
Macon, Ga.-A crowd of grief
stricken colored people con-
signed an assignment of fine
pear trees to a grave at Boiling
broke just at dark, thinking they
were the remains of Tooger
Adams, a negro woman, whose
death was due to a stab from
another negro woman in Tybee.
The police had the case and
worked it out; finding the dead
woman formerly lived in b.
lingbroke and notified friends
that the remains would be sent on
the afternoon central train and
when the box arrived containing
the pear trees it had so much
the appearance of a coffin case
that the party took charge.
For some reason, not ex-
planned, the casket did not get
Off at Macon and the negroes
who were waiting at the train
took the pear trees off with the
deepest sorrow and care, car
ried the box to the home of
relatives and sat up, sang and
prayed all night.
The word was out that the
body was terribly slashed by
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

t1reWater, Minn.-Josh Stillings arrived in
this city to-day from a hunting trip and told
a wonderful story, which upon investigation
OF the quality of the liquor which Mr.. Still
Engs carries, your correspondent found to he
an absolutely true tale. Mr.. Stillings said:
L was hunting bars up north and had
traced a big one into a clump of trees when.
to my surprise, | saw fly towards me a full
grown jack rabbit, equipped with eight pairs
of wings. The rabbit flew faster than the
fastest train | ever rode upon. When my as
constituent had somewhat subsidized I aimed
my rifle at a point about a mile ahead Of the
queer animal and so fast did it fly that it
ran right into the shot. After half an hours
walk l came upon the carcass, which had
frozen stiff. The wings were OF fluffy down
and curiously shaped. l was anxious to bring
the flying rabbit home, but that night it
was mysteriously stolen and so I have no
proof for my story other than what little
Ticker | have left in my flask. Have another
drink, friend?"
Your correspondent then saw a whole flock
of flying rabbits. The phenomenon is wholly
unaccountable.
Gwan, N. 1.-THE most wonderful sea fish
ever seen appeared off this town twice dur
ing the past few days-once by night and
once by day. The reptile is shaped like a SER
pent and planted between its eyes is a gi-
gantic headlight, which is only visible at
night and which marks the reptiles progress
through the waves. The constant sputter Of
electricity in the form of dots and dashes led
summer residents here to believe that the
serpent uses its tail for a wireless instru-
ment and thus conveys messages to others Of
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

ARTS CREEK, N. M.-This
town was deeply stirred up
and Paris Creek society cir
cles were unusually agog up
on the arrival of your CORE
spondent. The whereof of this
was the birth of an ossified
chicken from out of a hard
boiled egg. This strange &C.
currence took place on the
farm Of H. ]. Seaman, a
wealthy countryman.
Mr.. Seaman AYERS that he
placed the hard boiled egg in
the mother hens nest simply
tn nOay bot +n low ap1 cba
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

caused a weakness
and broken down
condition of the
system. l read so
much
E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound
had done for other
suffering women I
felt sure it would
help me, and must
say it did help me
wonderfully. : My
noinc oil loft rsNa r
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
HIS FATE.

Mr.. Dude-I was thinking how much
l resemble your carpet-always at
your feet, you know.
Miss Sly-Yes, very much like my
carpet. I'm going to shake it soon.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
At ME Door.

Waggles-Tu.tu-talk aboush MARINA
arrrr.velsh rapitty OF the mul-mul-mul-
ti~plica-cation of of gui-gwee-guinea
pigs! Look at th-those keyholes!-
Harvard Lampoon.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

the WON
ans assail-
ant and for
that rea-
son, togeth-
er with the
long delay
after DEATH,
the box
W a S n o t
opened. At
the hour
for the flu
neral the
colored pas
tor had his
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

ton has been unquestioned, even as the par
rot's popularity has grown.
But this time a hen was at the bottom OF
it, rather a setting of eggs, which Chosen
found in a nest reposing in the middle of a
big pumpkin which he purchased from Her
bert Culp, a truck farmer. The little brown
hen had made entrance through a hole which
a hungry cow-all COWS are hungry in a
pumpkin field-had bitten out of the gamboge
vegetable. AS Chosen, who boasts that he
drives a good bargain, gave only 15 cents
for the pumpkin, and there were IA eggs
in the parrot nest, he thinks he is the finan-
cial gamer, though he may have to exhibit
again to re-establish his reputation for YER
acity.
Chessen took the pumpkin in his hen
houses, and now a setting fowl is clucking
over the eggs. He expects to sell the pullets,
when they are Matched, at from 35 to 30
cents apiece.
Dyspepsia, Kan.-In a single night this
burg has passed into history and all because
of the sidetracking of $4,000 worth Of os-
triches here. The ostriches were bound for
Los Angeles, Cal.
1t is said the birds had not been fed since
leaving Africa and the first thing they did
was to eat up all the freight cars which pro-
vided their homes. Then they descended up
on this town, first devouring a 5000 plate
glass window in George Erickson's poultry
store about midnight. The town marshal
fed when he saw the things that the
Hwn ostriches relished. Inadvertently he
ran right into the flock IN his flight.
They looked him over, smelled him, but
passed on to more savory delicacies in
the shape of the railroad depot. Hav-
ing eaten this they started in on the
homes of the residents and when dawn
came there was only a crumpled mass
of ostrich language and some human
cuss words, where the town once stood.
Most of the residents fled in their night
clothing to Hawkeye, a nearby village,
and have formed the Society for the
Prevention of Wearing Ostrich Plumes.
The birds are now roaming the coun-
try devouring everything in their way.
The militia company at Hawkinsville
nay be called out.
Later-It wasn't. The ostriches died.
Atmosphere, N. C.-Physicians who
J were performing an operation for ap-
pendicitis upon Herman Graustark in
this city to-day were astounded when
they extracted four SIS gold-pieces from
the appendix of the patient.
The currency was piled in the appendix
when extracted and one report has it
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28
WANTS HER
LETTER
PUBLISHED
For Benefit of Women who
Suffer from Female Ills

Minneapolis, Mimi was a great
sufferer from female troubles which
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

text by their fruits we shall know them"
Pallbearers, mourners and attendants, after
the usual custom, actually buried the pear
trees.
When the next northbound Central pas
senger train came bearing the corpse of the
dead woman and the funeral attendants we're
notified, there was amazement and surprise.
Winship Cabaniss, one of the most promi-
nent farmers of the community, found the
mistake when he made a search for the pear
trees.
Alton, m.-Nature, in an Altonian mood,
brought another wonder to the door of James
Chosen of East Alton, noted as the owner
of the famous swearing parrot. When Ches-
san first proclaimed the versatility Of his par
rots powers in profanity the bird was dubbed
a nature fake. So Chessen invited a number
of persons, among them a divinity student,
to hear the bird rehearse, Since then Ches-
sens reputation for truthfulness in East AL
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

This is not a local option
town. Some of the city officials
missed the rare sight, being
too tired.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-01-28

Morning After, Ark.-In a
part of this county which is
seldom frequented was found
to-day a tree growing down
ward into the ground. 1t is
the only case of its kind in the
world. Your correspondent
saw the rare sight. The roots
of the tree project several feet
above the ground and are of
the palest green, while the
leaves, some of which the
writer dug up, are white and
taste not unlike celery.
The only explanation of the
strange occurrence was given
by an old Indian who is said
to have lived in this section
200 years. He is known as Big
Chief ck-a-Hole-in-the-Sky
and he declares that long ago
the chief of the happy hunting
ground vented his wrath upon
Big Chief Kick-a-Hole-in-the-
Sky's great-grandfather, who
had planted many trees. He
caused the seeds to be planted
upside down, thus accounting
for natures reversal. There was
once a whole grove of this in
verted timber.
Heap much too plenty
bunk" sighed the aged red
skin, as he turned to re-enter
his cabin.
Evening star., 1909-06-17

Mrs Emily Alburth Bishop, widow OF
John w Bishop. wealthy wholesale
merchant and miller, died al her home in
Evening star., 1909-06-17
Births Reported.

The following births were reported to
the health Office during the past twenty
four hours:
John and Rosa NJ. Morris, June IA. 1909.
girl.
Francesca and Marie C. Croccia, June
IA. 1909. girl
Henry F. and Sophia Prediger, June
15 1909. girl.
Charles H. and Fannie f. Donaldson,
June 6, 1909. boy.
Thomas and Nettie l. Reeves. June
13, 1903, boy.
Charles A. and Louise A. Goldsmith,
June II, 1909, boy.
John A. and Eliza f. Golihew. June II,
1909, boy.
Andrew A. and Lena v. Furr. June 8,
1909. girl.
Harry and Ida H. Tennyson, June 13,
1909. girl
Harry A. and Mary E. Lanahan, June
II. 1909. girl
Louis and Caroline kalhoun, June IA,
1909, boy.
Elmer b. and Elizabeth F. Smith, June
., 1909, girl.
George f. and Gertrude NJ. Jones, June
IL, 1909, boy.
Peter and Maria Charuhas, June -,
1909 boy.
Isaac and Victoria A. Wright, June L.,
1905. boy.
Frank and Ella Williams, June IL, 1900,
girl
Henry G. and Annie T. Boxer. June L..
1909, girl.