New-York tribune., 1909-03-17
THE TALK OF THE DAY.


| oeIobrs+ior of the Irish saints day will be one
resident of the East Side. who will march unoer
| the green flag because he lost wager q year
| ago. when the Jewish Feast Of Purim was cps
| brated on St. Patrick's Day One or MS rlsh
neighbors agreed then to celebrate with him II
he would return the compliment, and the man
who got tired" first to join the other TINS
year. when the festival days did not come on the
same date The Russian was no match Tor MS
| Irish friend in the way of celebrating end' an
tcipating his appearance in the parade To-Day ne
has been receiving for some time ali KINDS OF ot
Patricks Day decorations, some OF which he Will
wear "In get my revenge in 1918" said the
loser for then there will be a Purim parade all
over the country-the festival falls that year on
February %"
| Hoax-FIere comes Borleigh. Do you know him
10 JdnaxNNot If I see him nrst-Philadelphia
| Record.
While the festivities at Hampton Roads incl
dent to the return Of the feet from its world
cruise were at their height a mock marriage was
held in which the participants were midship-
man and a Pennsylvania girl After the wed
ding one of the midshipmaE's classmates thought
1t would be a fine joke TO call up the papers and
giva them the news" of the wedding with the
quotation marks left of. This he did, and the
next day. while in the midst of the enjoyment OF
his joke, he called upon by the captain or
his ship for an explanation, and later ordered to
visit the editors or the papers 10 "AloHl AS A0O
given the information and make retraction Nor
was that the end of the Joke" for still later
when the fact of the captains order had gone
abroad. the victim of his joke insisted upon his
giving a dinner for the entire mess. The prac-
teal joker has decided that purveying false in
formation. in spirit Of fun, is not as anus
ing 1t might seem
Teacher of Geometry--what? Your father told
you that that was the shortest distance between
two points What Is your rather!
Boyle runs taXicab ma arn-Puck
If an act just signed by Governor Stuart of
| Pennsylvania is enforced trading in 'rots and
spots"-spoiled and cracked eggs-will not be so
remunerative in Philadelphia as It has been for
some years The new law prohibits the sale of
any eggs which partially decOmposed or other
wise unfit for food, under penalty of fine OF from
5000 $1,000 three to nine months IN jail
Another new Pennsylvania pure food law is one
that prohibits under penalty Of from $50 TO SlOO
fine the sale Of any adulterated soft drink" and
will IL is hoped. abolish the business in beverages
made out OF coal tar dyes and chemicals
Mrs Youngwife-What is the first question you
ask of maid whom you think Of employing?
Mrs. Oldone-l always say hrst have you ever
lived with me before?"-Life.
Sergeant McGonigle of Chcago's police auto
mobile squad thinks that much overspeeding Of
motorists is due 10 smoky and smelly cars ahead
The sergeant addressing the court in a recent
case. said; Your honor. II may be permitted TO
say word. I believe smoking automobiles are
worse than speeding automobiles. and that they
are also the cause Of many accidents and much or
the speeding done by chaufeurs. II man were
driving q dirty. smoking automobile ahead Of me
and I had 20 breathe the fumes OF gas and smoke,
I believe would resort TO speeding to pass that
machine and get some fresh str"
Mrs. Nagger-The noise you make at night is
| very unpleasant music.
Mr. Nagger-Do YOU call snoring music?
Mrs. Nagger-I should say Sheet music ar
ranged for the buEIe-Chicago Record Herald
David o, Ives. now OF New York. has been ap-
pointed by the Merchants Association of Boston
| to head its new Board OF Transportation. which,
IT is hoped solve the transit problems of the
Hub Nj Ives is at present chairman of the
joint classification committee which represents all
trunk lines east OF the Mississippi River, with
Offices in New York He is New England man
and a graduate of Harvard. He has been con-
tnuously in official relations with various rail
roads since 1889. having held high positions with
the Burlington lines IN Iowa and Missouri From
gG5 to August l. 1908, he general traffic
manager Of the Wabash system.
What is the difference between an optimist and
"A pessimist is always thinking of his liabili-
ties while optimist thinks only OF his assets
Judge