Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-07-30
Teacher-What are heavenly bodies?
Jimmie Good dead people.

I
The Teaeher-Now, Johnny, you may
tell me how the earth is divided. The
Pupil-By earthquakes!
Ethel-Jack simply raved over nv
figure and my complexion Maud-And
is he still in the asylum?
West End-Do you talieve In the
principle that money talks? Murray
hpl-Well, 1t says goodbye to me fire.
Quently,-Town Topics.
Miss Wabash How delightfully."-
your sister plays? Miss waldo-Why,
my dear. that's the man in the back
parior turning the piano.-Life.
| What is chauffeur, Hans?" "A
chauffeur Is man who Is smart
enough to run an auto, but too smart
TO own one!"-Kansas City Journal
JOhnny-They'r making shinglesout
o cement now days, Dickey--I don't
mind that so much, but II NAV ever
gets pair o. cement slippers l. go-
In to run awayI
What period have you selected for
this historical novel9" asked the pub
Usher. Il shall not use periods" an
swered the author; nothing but ex-
clamation points"
How did you contrive to cultivate
such a beautiful black eyer" asked
Brown "Ohl" replied Fogg, who had
been practieiRg upon roller skates, II
raised 1t from a slip"
How do you recognize an infant in
dustry2" Like most infants" answer
ed Senator Sorghum, 1T is recognized
by the amount of noise II makes when
It wants to be noticed"
Your son closed his college career
In blaze of glory" Il should say he
| did The week before commencement
day he made three base hit with the
bases full. Detroit Free Press.
Friend understand Mrs Stern,
that your daughter has married since
we last met Miss Stern--Yes, and been
divorced. Friend-Ah! And who Is
the happy man7-Boston Transcript.
Now, Tommy" said the teacher,
you may give me an example of Co
/
der and me mudder was both married
on de same day. -Harper's Weekly.
What, Heinrichl drinking againT
thought you intended to quit "Achl
dot is so, yes But in der words OF
der saying, Der ghost vas Wiling, but
der meat vas feeble ~ Boston Tran
! script.
Gus-What did you think OF our
amateur theatricals Miss Mamier
Rather rare entertainment was 1t
not2 Miss Mamie-W ell--er--yes: It
wasn't very well done, to be sure
iIarper's Bazaar.
You want a speedy car, of eourse?"
You bet" "IIow about a hill climb
err" "oh, don't keer to go after pc
destrians to that extent Just gimme
n machine that will get em on the
fat. "--pittsbnrg Post
"What IL the difference between yalor
aud discrctlonf" "Well. 10 20 through
Europe without tipping would be
yalor" II see" And to come back
by a different route would be discre-
tion." louisville Courier. Journal
DeAuber There Is life, size portrait
/ painted of puffem, but he refused to
accept It. Brushleigh 1t seemed to be
good likeness Of him. What was the
trouble? DeAuber-It's only about half
as big as he thinks he is.-Chicago
Daily News.
I'VE don't have dinner In the middle
of the day at our boarding house any
more" "You have lunch. ! suppose?"
No, luncheon. Well, that's the same
thing" oh. no, It Isn't Lunch is a
light dinner, and luncheon a light
| mnch Puck.
You can't make a man gentle
man by calling him one" said the NOR
alizeF.. True" rejoined the thought
fol thinker, but nine times out Of a
possible ten you can please him and
thereby carry your point, and that is
more to the purpose"
Bridget Sure, now, yez don't name
ter say er Twin in a family pbere
there Amt no cat Who kin We blame
things ON Ann The childer'.
Bridget-Oh, It's foolin' ye are! Ann
They aren't her own chilaer'; they're
the master .--New York Weekly
Did YOU hear about the red, white
and blue wedding this morning." "No
what about it2v The bride was in
red, the bridegroom thought he had
left the ring at home and turned white,
and the brides father, who had all the
bills TO pay, looked exceedingly blue"
Stranger-Zum Donnerwetter, now
you have cut my chin a second time!
IL you can't shave be than that
you will lose all your customers pref
ty quick BARRIERS Apprentice Not
at ALI am not allowed TO shave
the regular customers :, ! only
shave strangers! London TitBits.
Street Car Driver-Me and that of
.5,nraa hau baap u5crk4nv Fnr tho oc~o