davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12
| Merry Moments
With Hu1noriists
Hotu Joggins' Lost a Legacy
BY WIN 8. eldIey.

Young Joggins--John Henry jog
gins-of Brooklyn Heights, has
wealthy aunt from whom he has been
expecting big windfall one Of these
days, but his bright hopes have been
unexpectedly and cruelty nipped in
the bud-and all through an unfor-
tunate mistake at that.
This is the way it happened:
Joggins' aunt's birthday came along
on schedule time one day last week,
and chum of Joggins happened to
have birthday due at about the
same time, so Joggins thought he
would bring down two birds with one
geological specimen, 30 to speak, by
purchasing the birthday presents
both at the same time and dispatch
ing them on the same date. He ac-
cordingly did SO. For the wealthy
aunt he bought beautiful gold-mount-
ed lorgnette (his aunt was very fond
of the theater and would naturally
find such gift very useful, and for
his chum he purchased an elegant
mustache cup.
Putting these gifts into fancy plush
boxes of the same size, Joggins care
fully wrapped them up; then pick
ing up the one intended for his aunt,
as he supposed, he wrote her name
and address on it, addressed the other
to his chum, and sent them off by spe-
cial messenger to their respective des-
tinations, at the same time dispatch
ing a note to each of the parties for
whom the gifts were intended.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12
Had to Hear EVIDENCE.

Some ladies were visiting at
Blanche's home one day. During the
conversation, while the visitors were
there. one of the ladies was describ-s
ing how the blowfiies laid eggs and
they hatched out as maggots. Four
year-old Blanche did not seem to be
Interested in the conversation nor pay
any attention to what they had been
talking about. After the visitors had
gone, Blanche said;
Mamma. | don't believe flies lay
eggs"
"Why?" asked the surprised mother.
Because never heard one cackle,"
explained the doubling Blanche.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

1t has been discovered that "smug.
Cling trunks" with false bottoms are
manufactured in Paris expressly for
the American trade. One of these,
belonging to wealthy Boston WON.
an, was seized by the customs officers
in New York. and found to conceal
$4,000 worth of handsome gowns. This
shows that the quickening of the ma,
tional conscience. of which so much
is being made, isn't quite swift enough
as yet.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

None but the brave deserve the fair,
and Cupid has always taken peculiar
delight in mating e.e embryo naval
and military heroes with fair brides
Hence, the recent order that midship-
men must not marry during the siS
years of their course is solar plexus
for the little blind boy. while as for
the president, who signed the bill
parting so many fondly beating hearts
he Will be denounced by scores oi
pouting rosy lips as "a mean old
thing"
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Mr.. WI, who is the Chinese minis.
ter at Washington, is also the &C.
credited representative of his govern.
ment to Peru, He is going to that
country to present his credentials. and
incidentally will open negotiations
looking to the establishment of diplo-
matte relations between China and
other South American countries. This
is indicative of China's new and pro.
gressive policy. And Mr.. WI may be
counted on az a potent factor in ex.
tending Chinese relations with CON
temporary nations.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

There seems to be an increasing
tendency to restrict athletics at col
leges and universities in favor OF
scholastic work. AS If any interest
would be taken in the higher educa'
tion with record-breaking teams and
championship trophies cut out of the
curriculum
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

1t was announced in the Belgian
parliament that the government has
no power to stop King Leopold from
selling works of art, treasures, etc,
The prospect, however, of getting rid
of the old monarch by voluntary re-
tirement ought to strike the people as
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Anything that will tend to make ice
cream healthy and harmless should be
welcomed. 1t may also be time to
take recognition of the fact that you
can't gauge the purity of soda water
by the fizzing noise it makes
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

A Norwegian inventor sends type
writing by wireless. In the past only
the thrilling glances of the blonde
typist could be sent in this manner.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Great Britain has established a food
inspection bureau after the American
plan. 1t has still to learn the value
of strict pure-food laws, however.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Ono difference between high and
low society is that the domestic dis.
cords of the former end in the divorce
court and of the latter in the po-
lice court.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

That kidnapped girl who returned
of her own accord should claim the
$4,000 reward.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

A New York jury valued brokers'
teeth at 81 900 each. With false ones
costing only 500 set some one can
knock out all of ours.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

The one to his aunt ran as follows:
Dear Aunt Jane: with this send you
as a birthday offering the one thing
which consider the most appropriate to
your needs, and 1 ilumbly trust 1t will
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Astronomers are now basing their
hopes on the assumption that Mars is
as well advanced in telescopes as it
appears to be In canals.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

News that the fur crop has been a
failure in the far west is not worrying
the women of the east
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Oh, well. dandelions are such pretty
things that it's shame to get
backache digging 'em out of the
lawn.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Often man will think very little
of the hereafter until his time comes
to die, and then he can think OF moth.
ing else.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

The way of the smuggler, when he
is found out, is fully as hard as that
of the ordinary transgressor.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Turkey knew she could not pos
sibly get worse sultan than Abdul
Hamid, and the masses, therefore, wei.
coined change
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Maybe up on Mars they regard the
earth us such small potatoes that they
never look this way.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

When will automobilists learn that
a reckless joy ride generally means
death so some one?
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Unfortunately the crop of peach
basket hats has not been in the least
spoiled by the frosts of criticism.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Now they say the meat packers are
going into the business of manufactur.
ing shoes. 1t would be just like them
to hog the whole thing.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

Existence of one popular" song can
be forgiven for preventing "big
time" for the physician and the un.
dertaker.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12
WELL DEFINED.

( De Quiz--What's your idea Of the
difference between optimism and pes
simism?
De Whiz-ol the optimist says 1t is
spring vixen 1t isn't and the pessimist
says it isn't when 1t is.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

meet your approval, and that each time
you use 1t you will think gratefully of the
donor. Your affectionate nephew.
j. HENRY JOGGINS.
Joggins went around to Aunt James
sn evening or SO later to see how she
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1909-08-12

JASPER. ......... ...... MISSOURI
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
PERSONAL PARAGRAPHS

w: A. Bell Of Denver. John Powers, F.
E. Lacey of Sioux Falls and John Kahel
or Wilbur are at the Schlitz.
j. Coster of Elwood, J. f. Coakley OF
Marion and Mr.. and Mrs. w. T. L~arinore
or Broken Bow are at the Murray.
e. w. sherman, for the last two years
clerk al the Paxton hotel, has severed his
IN a similar capacity with the Henshaw.
John Renfro of Great Falls, w. Whit
field of Sioux City, Mr.. and Mrs. A. A.
Sehlnder OF Douglas, II, Marshal Of Til
den, r. NJ. Olson of Orleans and c. A.
Lewis of Lincoln are at the Willard.
Miss Anna Schutt of GothenburS. Mrs.
w. l.. Delany of North Platte Peter
Jansen of Jansen, Mr. and Mrs. A. Enser
OF Saskatoon, @. r. WOLF OF Fremont and
at the Rome.
w. II. Berkeley of Spauldine. A. A. Stew
art of Oakland. L. ", Morgan OF Herman.
r. Z. Cummings of Fremont, o. 8 Mason,
Beckwith and T. M. Patrick OF Neigh and
II. r., Mckenzie of st. James are at the
Merchants. ~
s. g. Hall of Hudson, Mr.. and Mrs
j. W. Brown OF Denver, Miss Mabel Ford
Of Hamilton, Canada; Mr.. and Mrs. o. b.
York, r. Franklin Jaffray of Laramie,
j. X. Fuller OF Fullerton, r. +. Winter
of Carlock, S. ID. and N. A. HeinRren Of
Edgemont are at the Paxton.
II. M. Crouch OF Lincoln, Mr.. and Mrs.
A. l.. Krause of West Point, II. O.. Salier
OF Norfolk, w. Kempin of Dorchester,
Schmidt of Seattle are at the Henshawi
c. F. Way, II. T. Clarke, jr.. OF Lincoln F..
S. j. Heacoek, w. o. Post of Springfield
and p. j. Lavelle of Laurel are at the
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
MERCURY AGAIN GOES CRAZY
weather is 10 Turn some More soma
~erssuIts, says Uncie sans
Lieutenant.

Colonel welsh. Uncle Sans leftenant in
the weather business, has conjured up
another combination q atmospheric gyra-
lions to spring on a defenseless people. He
Is good enough to warn them. though. and
ssys that they may prepare for a few
more choice mercurial somersaults. Here
is his edict:
A disturbance, central this morning over
the eastern slope Of the middle Rocky
mountains. will move rapidly north-north
eastward, after ded by rains Thursday and
Thursday night In the central valleys,
turning to snow Friday in the Missouri
and upper Mississippi valleys, with falling
temperature. and followed by generally fair
and colder weather Saturday and Sunday.
There will be rain Friday In the Ohio val
of the south Atlantic and east gulf states,
and rain or snow in the lower lake region
and New England, continuing Saturday in
the lower lake region and the Atlantic
states, and followed by fair and colder
weather Sunday, Monday and probably
Tuesday. In the northwest and Rocky
mountain districts tho weather will be
generally fair during the next three or
four days. with lower temperatures Thurs
day night and Friday, extending Friday
and Friday night into the lake region
ably be below zero in the extreme north
west tonight, but there is no immediate
prospect of very cold weather to the east
ward or southwark. There will be a rise
in temperature by Saturday In the extreme
northwest, followed by another fail, with
rising pressure about Sunday or Sunday
night.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
MONEY TO SALvE HIS SOUL
Fifteen Thousand Dollars Is What
John Barry Asks for His In
jured Feelings.

John Briggs, chief of police of South
Omaha, has a pronounced habit of arrest
ing John Barry and Barry feels himself
injured thereby to the extent Of $4,000.
Barry's petition for Damages states that
he has been arrested by Briggs or at
Briggs orders so many times that he
cannot remember the number. In each
and every case, he asserts, he was ex-
culpated when his case was tried. Inas-
much, the petition says, as the city OF
South Omaha was fully cognizant Of
Briggs attitude toward him, the Magic
City is made a co-defendant.
There are three counts in the claim for
damages. One Of these is that the day
before Christmas Barry was arrested and
forced to spend Christmas eve in the city
lookup, which was not a sanitary place,
and without a place to sleep. nothing but
iron rails and cement floors. The iron then
entered into Barry's soul and possibly the
cement hardened his determination to sue.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
CONDUCTOR GETS A SHOCK
Might Have Fallen When Honest
Woman Pays Fare of Day be-
fore, but for Crowd.

But for the jam of the passengers in his
car a conductor on the Farnam street car
line might nave fallen fiat wednesday
afternoon as he accepted two fares from a
woman.
Here's you change. lady; better take It.
1 amt got all day"
"Oh, don't you know, I owe you a nickel
from yesterday You know, I was on your
car and didn't nav any money. This dime
is to pay for today and yesterday"
This was the dialogue that brought out
the facts.
Thoe conductor swooned, but the press CT
his passengers being so great as scarcely
to admit of the passage of one person
through the car, he was prevented from
falling.
EFT, eh,-why, yes, yes, that's So" he
finally managed to say.
And every man, woman and child in that
confused mass tried to set a pair of eyes
focused on the strange woman.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
GERMAN VETERAN AT REST
Prof. Frank NJ. steinhauser Buried
with Military HOnors by
Landwehr Verein.

A military funeral under the auspices OF
the Landwehr verein, an organization OF
German war veterans, was accorded Frank
M. S~teinhauser Thursday afternoon. Prof.
Steinhauser was the we'll known German
veteran and bandmaster, who died Tues
day morning.
The services were held at the home OF
the daughter, Mrs. Leo Grotte, 1125 South
Twenty-elghth street, Thursday afternoon
at 2 o'clock. Fully 200 members OF the
verein, accompanied by a, military band,
were present to do honor to their dead
brother. Chaplain Jacob Hauck Of the
order of veterans conducted the funeral
service, which was also attended by the
relatives OF Prof. Steinhauser who live In
America and by many friends OF the for
mer soldier, whose career closed after the
Franco-Prussian war with the reception
OF the decoration Of the Iron Cross.
The active pallbesrers were Colonel WAL
ter Noise. Frank Crawford, Henry Wind
helm, Carl Hartmann John Shary, Henry
Rohrs, ]. ]. Heff and w. II. Schneider.
The men chosen as honorary pallbearers in
cluded A. w. Luyden, Charles Peterson,
John SCHNEIDER, Herman Schaefer and
four AstTe-German war veterans who
served through that struggle with Prof.
ShelnnduSeE.
The body was escorted to Forest Lawn
cemetery after the services at the Grotte
home and inferred there.
+. l. Ruff, one of Omaha's pioneers, who
died Tuesday, was buried Thursday after
noon in Prospect Hill cemetery. The SER
vices were held at the home, Thirty-second
and Gold streets, at 2 o'clock. Mr.. Ruff has
been a resident of Omaha for the last fifty
two years.
Mrs. L. l. Van Horn, who died Wednes-
day, was buried Thursday afternoon in
Forest Lawn cemetery. The funeral SER
vices were held at the Dodder undertaking
rooms.
The funeral of Mrs. +. X. Lower, who
died Tuesday in Minneapolis, Mimi, was
held in Omaha Thursday. Many friends
and acquaintance of the family at
tended the services. which were held at
the home Of 1. N. Hammond, father of
Mrs. Lower, at 2511 North Twenty-second
street. Interment was in Forest Lawn
cemetery.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
WHY THE STUDENTS LAUGHED
Miss Hughes Relates Interesting Ex-
perience in Her Work as Mis-
sions Lecturer.

Miss Edith Hughes, lecturing in Omaha
at present under the Home Missions Board
of the Presbyterian church, relates an in
cident of her work that is Of peculiar in
terest..
II vas speaking to the students OF the
Tuskulum, Tenn, college about conditions
among the Mexicans of the southwest
where l spent much time" says Miss
Hughes, land / observed a tendency to-
ward merriment among the students. /
wondered what ] had done or said to pro-
woke amusement and then my eye CHANGED
to fall upon a young man in the rear OF the
audience who, l recognized as a Mexican.
To avoid saying anything that might hurt
his feelings, l changed my line OF talk
somewhat and related an incident that
had come under my own observation I'm
New Mexico, Three young MeXicans,
taken from their native homes OF poverty
and unrefinement. were induced to attend
the mission school. / told how they pro-
crossed in book learning and moral con-
duct and finally they left the little mission
school and went east to attend a seminary
where they might prepare themselves for
the ministry.
al the time l was relating this exper-
fence, though, l could still observe that
manifestation Of amusement. The young
Mexican seemed most amused off all and
the situation was becoming oppressive to
me. Once l thought of leaving the ros-
trum. for l could not imagine any reason
for this merriment. When I had concluded
this young Mexican came up and intro
duced himself to me.
"I am one of those three boys and the
other two are also here he said.
1T was, of course, a revelation for me.
for 1 really did not know the school to
which they had gone"
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
BANE ON THE PENCIL HABIT
school Authorities Try 10 Prevent
ContasiOn of Disease Among
the Children.

Public school authorities have again
taken up the subject of the ndiscriminate
uses of lead pencils by the pupils.
When Willie Jones, after putting his pen
Gil in his mouth. loans 1t to Johnnie Smith
in the next seat, germatic disease is liable
to be spread.
The Farnam Street school has an excel
lent method for looking after this diff
Guilty. Each teacher has a pencil case with
rows corresponding to the rows OF desks in
the room. Each pupil has a separate pocket
in this case, where his pencil is placed at
the close of each days session. Each morn
Ing the teacher writes the chlld's name in
ink near the point. If the name is blurred
she knows the pencil has been in the
mouth and a small talk follows.
In some of the schools the pencils are
dipped in bitter aloes, which is harmless,
but a disinfectant and disagreeable to the
taste.
II there is an epidemic of any sort greater
precaution than usual is exercised to keep
pencils in a sanitary condition.
THE teachers are doing all they can,
says a board member. "Will the parents
try to use their influence in this direction
and also see that each child really starts
for school with a clean face and hands?'
The marble mania, which has started
early this season, is something that causes
much annoyance to the teachers.
1t brings soiled hands into the school
room, makes the children tardy, causes the
child Of refined parents to associate with
the street gamin.
"why lay so much stress on the eachers
doing all the work to keep the child healthy
in mind and body?" suggests a teacher.
Surely there is much for the parents TO
do. We only ask that parents and teachers
may unite upon some common ground to
work out this all-important problem"
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
HAPPINESS FOR BALD HEADS
AiEcis CT Cent of Them Can Raise
CTops of New Hair.
IT'S ALL in PROPER TREATMENT
Omaha Hears About DR.. Nott's o-ban re
storer. which Brings mack to FADED
Gray Hair the Natural Color
OF Youth.

In The Prisoner OF Chnlon' Lord Byron
wrote my hair is gray, but not with
years. Gray hair Is not always a sign
OF age. Nebraskans Just now are evinc-
ing considerable interest in DR.. MOTIFS
Q-ban Hair Restorer, which is really re-
sponsible for a happy national sh heritage
in It's gray hair crop. There are enough
preparations for the hair on the market
TO float a battleship. The promises given
by some OF them are ~laughable. For this
Southern discovery OF DR.. Mott, however,
no extravagant claims are made. but pos
tive restoration OF gray, faded hair to
It's naural color is assured.
Proofs in support OF this are abundant
but people who prefer a guarantee are
met with the proposition that II three
bottles OF DIR. Motifs o-bAn Hair Restorer
do not turn hair from gray to the desired
darker color. the druggist OF whom the
preparation has been bought will return
all the money paid for them. DR.. Motifs
Restorer has arrested many cases of pre-
mature badness.
The problem of restoring color to gray
hair. arresting falling hair. the sure OF
~dandruff and all diseases Of the scalp was
made a life study by DR.. Mott. and in his
Restorer he has Offered a solution. 1t can
be had OF The Myers-Dillon Drug Co.
One bottle can be obtained free. Ask
about this plan.
For sale at all druggists
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
Specialist in study of Municipal Gov
eminent to Address Real Es-
tate Exchange.

Clinton Rogers Woodruff. secretary of
the National Municipal league, will speak
in Omaha the last week in February under
the auspices of the Omaha Real Estate ex-
change. He will tell Omaha business men
what municipal league cities" are doing
The league is headed by Charles ]. Bona
parte, attorney general of the United states,
and makes a study of municipal taxation,
franchises ..charter reform. health and san
itation, police, accounting and statistics.
as well as research work in the colleges
and universities.
Mr.. Woodruff speaks in Kansas City each
year, Henry L. McCune OF that city being
vice president OF the league. and the Omaha
real estate men believe they are very for
tunste in securing the speaker. The ad-
dress win probably be given in the Com
mereial club rooms about February sa
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29

Private Gallagher of the Sixteenth in
fantry, who was recently arrested at the
instance of the revenue authorities for sell
ing tobacco obtained from the Fort Crook
commissary department to South Oman
people, has been bound over to the fed
eral grand jury. He was arraigned be-
fore United States Commissioner Ander-
son Thursday afternoon. and was held in
his own recognizance to appear before the
grand jury in October. The effort to COM
promise the matter with the revenue de-
partment failed to reach results.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
Disease Germs

Cannot harm healthy human
bodies. We cannot have healthy
bodies unless we have pure blood,
the kind Of blood that Hood's
sarsapaTilIa makes,
This great medicine has an un-
equalled, unapproached record for pufi-
flying and enriching the blood.
II cures %scrofula, eczema, eruptions,
catarrh, rheumatism, anemia, nervous
ness, that tired feeling, dyspepsia, loss
Of appetite, general debility, and builds
up the whole system.
Get II today In the usual LIQUID form or In
ehocolated tablet form called Sarsatabs.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
A Religious Autnor's statement.

For several years l was afflicted with
kidney trouble and last winter I was sud
denly stricken with a severe pain In my
kidneys and was confined to bed eight days
unable to get UP without assistance. MY
urine contained a thick white edimen and
/ passed same frequently day and night.
j commenced taking Foley's Kidney
Remedy, and the pain gradually abated and
finally ceased and my urine became nor.
NAL. 1 cheerfully Foley's Kid.
pey Remedy. For sale by all druggists.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
MRS. TALBOT NOT YET NORMAL
Mother of Girl stIn Quite Sick and
Mrs. Lamoreaux Not Wen.

Although more rational than she was
Tuesday night and Wednesday, Mrs. Tai
bot, mother Of the yourg woman who
committed suicide Tuesday afternoon. re-
mains more or less oblivious to the fact
that her daughter is dead. She lie stnl in
a greatly weakened condition from the
shock and needs the care OF a physician
Thursday morning she was moved 10
South Omaha and viii stay with a friend
Mrs. Julian II. Jonte. who lives at Iags
North Twenty-third street.
Mrs. r. Z. Lamoreaux. mother Of the
young man who Is said to have been en-
gagged to marry Miss Talbot, has i'm.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-01-29
Can n Medicine BE a "Fake"

that has lived and grown in popularity
for thirty years, and demonstrated its
worth by actual cures OF female ills in
thousands and thousands of American
families?
Any fair-minded, intelligent person will
emphatically answer NO! Such a medicine
is Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. made from roots and herbs, and
its ever increasing popularity is due to
actual merit alone. :