davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
Battleship Minus Tunnels.
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
lFrom the Chicago News. ]

r IOIQ the SIlCdSO ~NcnS.J
Rich food maketh a poor appetite.
And a pale, white tooth may have
plenty of nerve.
Bread is the staff of life, and mince
pie the stumbling block.
The phenomenal tenor commands
more than a nominal salary.
About the one thing chronic bor-
rover will not take is hint.
People who search for gas leak
with a candle invariably find it.
General Belief and Private Opinion
do not belong IN the same regiment.
No boy was ever so much attached
to the old farm as was the mortgage.
And the man who really knows his
business refrains from telling 1t to
everybody.
A woman who has to attract atten-
ton by improprieties never heads the
procession
There is nothing in the language of
flowers so eloquent as pair of pressed
tulips.
What terrible destruction there
would be If men kicked as hard phys
ically as they do mentally.
Money and trouble are synony-
NOUS says millionaire Perhaps
they are, but it's a lot easier to Dor
row trouble.
Only the first baby is favored with
visits from the angels in its sIumbers
A little paregoric is what the others
get.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
JOURNAL ENTRIES

fellow usually doesn't know bet
ter than to go into fight until after
he has been licked.
n X
Experience is a most unsatisfactory
school because it is impossible for one
to graduate from it.
x X
Some persons never seem to be con-
tented unless they are around where
there are just lots of people.
4 X
If many individuals were as prompt
with their departures as they are with
their arrivals they would be more
popular.
From the lack of attention most
men give to the services il is reason
able to assume that they plan their
fish stories in church.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
KANSAS C0AAENT
THE WINDS.

THE WINDS.
The irritating wind we had the 9TH
er day recalls that the wind is Ma
| lures method of yentilating out-of-
doors, and the world would be a dull,
dreary place without it. It gathers
moisture from the sea, and scatters it
about the land, where it is likely to
be needed. 1t watts many ships across
the seven seas, and is the cheapest
power or commerce. Men need but to
set the sails, and the ship moves on
whittier they will. Wind waters ten
thousand Western farms, by running
Wlndmllls. to say nothing of being the
source of all natural moisture. 1t
scatrers the pollen of corn. and wheat,
and flowerss and makes fruition pos
sible. thousand useful purposes are
served by the wind, and it Is necessary
as light, or air. or water or any of the
other numerous provisions of nature
which go to make the earth habitable.
And yet wind has it's terrible side
Towns wrecked by tornadoes, whole
regions laid waste by hurricanes; ships
buried deep in sand: drouths, and biz
yards, and wind-driven fires. and
floods, are some of the toll the wind
takes. A blessing when it moves
gently, as spring breeze or summer
zephyr, or working steadily like the
trade winds at sea, wind becomes the
relentless monster when it goes mad.
Hence, man has reason to bless the
wind, and fear it. Although it laughs
at his control, he may harness and
use it. But perhaps neither of these
sides of the wind explains its action
nthe human animal. Even in Kan
sas. where the wind blows overtime,
and people understand it in a meas
ure, it is Irritating. Let it blow strong
and steadily for day or two, doing
its own work In its own way, and peo-
pie will say: ''It will probably blow
up rain. '-Atchison Globe.
THOSE 100 INSPECTORS.
Some people are wasting good
deal of unnecessary enthusiasm over
the announcement from Topeka that
the state oil inspector is about to ap-
point 100 inspectors for the state oil
department.
The fact seems to have been lost
sight of that the 100 inspectors get
their pay from fees, and that the fees
are paid chiefly by the Standard Oil
company.
The state collects ten cents a bar
rel from each barrel of oil sold in
Kansas. The manufacturer of the oil
pays the fee The inspection is done
by some deputy located at the town
where the oil is received for sale. The
| inspector retails as his fee one-fourth
of what is collected. In town like
Salina this amounts to thirty or for
| ty dollars a month. The remaining
three-fourths of the fee is turned into
the state treasury. The state oil de-
partment. instead of being an expense
to the state, produces a revenue to
the state of about 100000 year.
There is nothing new about the ap-
pofntment of 100 inspectors. They
have been doing business right along
for years. 1t Is necessary to have an
inspector in every town of any i'm
portance in the state.-Salina Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
GLOBE SIGHTS.
From the Atchison Globe ]

FROM the Atcn1SOn Globe.
Did one of your kin ever pay YOU a
compliment?
There is nothing so good that you
cannot bite off too much.
If a man admits he can't shoot now.
he says ne was particularly good
shot when a boy.
The only help lazy Atchison man
has ever given his wife is to give her
the fish he catches.
When a man admits that his wife is
good cook, he adds that all that she
knows he taught her.
The girl who has her photograph
taken profile never impresses us with
the beauty of her nose: We always
wonder if she had it taken that way
because she is one-eyed.
In their efforts to advance RAPIDLY.
men make their greatest mistakes. The
man who travels the right road, and
does not travel it too fast, will sud
he was longing for.
In referring to drunkards. people
usually say they in1ure no one except
themselves. There is nothing more abb
surd than this statement. Ninety-nine
drunkards out of a hundred always
hunt up busy men as soon as they get
under the influence of liquor. and an
hoy them.
Men are as quarreisome as ROSTERS,
but do not fight 1t out" hammer and
longs as roosters do: they quarrel by
talking about" each other. On North
Third street. on adjoining lots. are
owned two ROSTERS They have fought
every day for months without a de-
cision The birds are about of equal
weight, and the fight goes On from
month to month.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

What will the chaps who are at
tending the Missouri school of Mines
at Ro1la do now to pass away a few
of their idle moments? That towns
council has passed an ordinance which
seeks to prohibit the boys from fiirt-
ing with the girls who pass through
the town on the railroad trains. But
weren't those boys awfully naughty to
do any such thing as that? Each of
them should be slapped on the wrist
three consecutive times, at least.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Harvard university appears to be
knocking at the unique stronghold on
which the University of Chicago has
been standing for so long. A Har-
ward professor announces that it is
quite feasible to perfect an apparatus
to communicate with Mars through
the medium of flashes from gigantic
mirrors. Inasmuch as it will take only
such mere trifie as $10,0O0.000 to
engage in this experiment., it Is to be
presumed that it will be tried in a
week or So
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press. ]

IFrom the New York Press.1
The more a man talks on a subject
the more good 1t would do him to think
a little on it,
The reason a man likes to go walk
ing with a girl Is he wouldn't II they
were married.
When a girl gets engaged she feels it
Is her duty to be very sorry for half a
dozen men who escaped.
The reason woman can suspect a
man who is her neighbor Of leading a
double life Is she can find no evidence
of it.
The man who goes around the house
repairing things that a carpenter ought
to do is the same idiot who is always
telling everybody how the government
ought to be run
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
ADJUSTMENTS.


she, "but now things are all settled
how"
They're not settled until after i've
seen him." Caverly declared. And
what's settled will be quickly unset
tied. You thought wanted to marry
you just to take care of you-because
I thought 1t was my duty, Ell? Well.
just watch me-"
He caught her in his arms. Even
stupid men have moments of some
thing approaching brilliancy.-(Copy-
righted 1909, by Associated Literary
Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
rhat story about NE. BRYAN becom-

That story about Mr.. Bryan becom-
ing so interested in a dicker over a
horse which he could not end salts
factoriIy that he lost a train doesn' t
sound very good. In the first place,
Mr.. Bryan has plenty of money to buy
any horse that takes his fancy with
out bargaining over it. Then. too. il
would be poor politics for Mr.. Bryan
20 try and beat down the price set on
an animal by a horse trader for he
might thereby lose the mans vote in
the next presidential campaign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Either certain Chicago woman has
a strong imagination or she is the per-
petrator of a champion nature fake. "
She says that her canary bird is a
medium through which her dead nus
band speaks words Of cheer to her.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Those scientists of the federal gov
eminent who have discovered ants in
Kansas possessed of such a savage fe-
rocity that they delight in attacking
men belong in the same class with the
Kingman county lad who invented the
story about coyotes attacking and kill
ing hts companion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Mr.. E A. Cudahy declares that the
indictments against the Cudahy Pack
ing company whereby it is charged by
the federal government with selling
colored oleomargarine under white
oleomargarine labels is merely dis
pute.' Correct. But its dimensions
are not small.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

A Pennsylvania girl put a love potion
in the cup of fellow that she wanted
to capture and now he is dead as a re-
suit of It. In one way the young wo-
man is better off. Men who have to be
won by love potions and other mystic
arts are not apt to make desirable hus-
bands
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

AS the Reverend Frederick E. Hop
kins, a Congregational clergyman of
Chicago says, the story about the orig
inal woman being built with the rib
of man for a foundation is far bet
ter than no story at all on this inter-
estinR subject.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

officials of the State Temperance
union declare that never before has the
prohibitory law been so popular as 1t
now is with the people of Kansas. All
of which may be explained by the fact
that Kansans know a good thing when
thew SEQ If
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

The Southern Pacific Railway COM
pany has taken good step forward. II
gives full publicity to the details of all
the wrecks occurring on this system.
If ali railroads did the same many of
the original stories sent out about rail-
road wrecks would not be quite so
alarming. They would be based on
facts and not on rumors.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

The theory is that the Kaw river is
navigable stream. And this theory is
exactly true as it relates to row-boats,
canoes and gasoline launches which
draw but a few inches of water.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Castro appears to be quite as fearless
as he is versatile II there is any truth
in the report that he planning to get to
Venezuela by means of an airship. Still
most folks will be pardoned for taking
this story with grain of salt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Probably the women of Topeka were
delighted with the changeable weather
Of last Sunday. 1t gave most of them
a fine excuse for wearing two kinds of
costumes within a few hours.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRES

The State journal is a member OF the
Associated Press ard receives the full day
ganfzafion for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour-
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
MUNICIPAL ADVANCE.

Municipal elections in st. Louis and
Chicago this week seem encouraging to
the general cause Of municipal better
ment, and no cities east of the AL
(Iegheny Mountains are more important
as urban centers than the two great
commercial capitals of the Mississippi
valley. St. Louis has gone Republi-
can after eight years of Democratic
rule, and while Mayor Rollo Wells was
the best kind of Democratic business
man in politics. the change in political
control will do the city no HARM In
Chicago, the independence Of the vot-
ers was refreshing. the two parties
faring about the same at the polls, while
the city council was still further purged
of some of its most disreputable ele-
ments. Whatever else may be happen
ing to party government in this coun-
| try, it seems clearer every succeeding
year that in municipal elections the
people viii not be tied down to mar
row party lines. The idea that our
cities are the spoif of>party politicians,
OF that we should choose municipal Of
| ficers to please party managers and
meet the necessities Of party organiza-
lions is rapidly becoming iltoIerable- 1t
simply isn't good morals.-Springield
Republican
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

In view of the lynching of four men
recently by an Oklahoma mob it
would seem that the militia of that
state could be employed more pro-
fitably than in the chase of old Crazy
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Little Grace-Sister, that new beau of
yours makes me tired. Elder Sister-Why
dear? Little Grace--He has the manners
of a street car conductor. When I went
into the parlor last night he said. How
old are you, little girl?"-Chicago Daily
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

mating tastes" IT should saw so He
won't borrow money from any and every
Gus-Hat makes der corn stalk so?
composed of kernels.-Chicago News.
F1ub-sticking to thing is what causes
one to rise in the world. Dub-How about
the fly and the fly paper?-Judge.
Truth is stranger than fiction" Sure.
Everybody knows how the average novel
is going to end. kansas City Journal.
81 got a postal from a candidate to-
day. said the first farmer ITO what
effect?'' inquired the second farmer. Ask
ed me to consider myself slapped on the
back and my baby kissed. "-kansas City
Journal.
Hobo-No. madam; am neither a social
TRUST. Housekeeper-And what in the
name of common sense is that? Hobo
! believe in being helped all 1 can.-Bos-
The Chinese were building their great
wall This will prevent unjust discrim-
thing out" Thereby, too, they saved the
trouble, and expense of having to revise
une.
an empty title is your mothers way of
calling me the head of the house. New
York Herald.
Hell have been told that was hand
some. She-When was that? He-Today.
She-No; I mean when you were hand
Little Grace-Sister, that new beau of
yours makes me tired; Elder Sister-why.
of a street car conductor. When I went
into the parlor last night he said. How
old are you, little girl?"-Chicago Daily
News.
"Chawlle is determined not to become
deah boy y He's eonfining himself fN to
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
THAT organist Belle Tilted for the aged
RWEa did Re do frfn as he OF
playing them up the. aisle with the we'd
ding march. he struck up Old Hundred. -
Senior Waiter Ito rather green assistant
don hoteD-Nok, then, don't stand a-gap-
ing and staring there as If you was the
bloomin' guest of the hevenin It'll Bits.
A certain newly-elected Western Con-
gresham met society bud of Washing
Ton at nis sb first ,,s Teicep9n you IKE
ed it," drawled the Westerner. but I'm
wf1lin' to take a hand."-Lippincott
Magazine.
"Our new cook is dreadful slow" 80 is
ours. When We invite people for dinner
we tell her they're coming for luncheon"
-Harper's Bazaar.
mo mater how proud and overbearin' a
man my be-" said Uncle Eben. you know
he's got to weaken an beg off. Sooner or
later de dentist g'ineter git i'm along wifi
de rest of us."-Washington Star
"Jimr' bawled the impresario of the
troupe of performing fleas. Yessir, said
his assistant. "Chase them water bugs
away from the stage entrance. They an
Journal
II suppose in those ragtime days you sell
very little classical n1usic?" More than
you would imagine answered the music
dealer. almost everybody buys a few
pieces to place on the piano when high
brow company calls."-Pfttsburg Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Hell have been told that I was hand
some. She-When was that? He--Today
She-No: I mean when you were hand
ome?-Comic Cuts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

"Chawlle is determined not to become
a slave to the cigawet habit, don't you
know. How many does he smoke
deah boy?" He's combining himself to
one every othah week, don't you know
Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
HUlNOR or THE Day

He seems to be a person of discrim-
mating tastes" II should say so. He
won't borrow money from any and every
.''-Birming ham Age-Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21
FRON OTHER PENS
POPULAR IDEAS OF GENIUS.


Dryden's famous line, Great wits
are sure to madness near allied" ex-
presses a popular conviction that
genius and eccentricity are inseparably
associated. Edgar Allan Poe, who went
through life with his feet in the gut
ter and his head among the stars has
been cited many times in this year of
his centenary as proof that genius
necessarily is erratic. Byron. De
Quincy, Lamb, Co1eridge, Burns, Baud
claire and Francois Villon, all noted as
well for their dissipation as for their
inspired achievements, are held up as
frequently perhaps to point the same
argument.
But does not this tradition rest on
isolated cases rather than on any basis
of general truth? If a few geniuses
have been immoral or eccentric, a host
Of others have lived lives above re-
proach. Indeed, glance at history
would seem to prove beyond doubt
that cratic genius is the exception.
The worlds greatest geniuses, on their
personal SIDE have been eminently
normal and well balanced.
But the popular myth that genius is
abnormal has served to cover a multi
tude of sins in commonplace people.
Men with talent for attitudinizing
adopt affectations in order to be mis-
taken for geniuses. They dress oddly,
they wear their hair long, they affect
airs, they dissipate.-Chicago Inter
Ocean.
WOES OF THE MAN WITH MONEY.
1t is distressing to be broke. If you
don't believe 1t, ask Andrew Carnegie
since he gave away his fortune to avoid
the possibility of dying rich. But the
man who is broke has no monopoly of
the woes OF this life.
If you have the millions of a Rookie
Teller, w. j. Bryan will not let the col
1eges take your money because it is
tainted. If you are rich widow like
Hetty Green and accumulate fortune
| by saving habits, you can only contem-
plate some one waiting for you to die
that they may spend it. If you are a
J. Pierpont Morgan, you are pluto
crat and an enemy to society. If you
| invest your money in gold bricks you
are a sucker. and if you blow 1t in you
are e spendthrift. If after accumulat-
| ing a fortune you continue to work
you are depriving the poor man who
| needs 1t of the chance of getting your
| good job, and If you take life easy you
are living off unearned increment and
are a useless appendage on the earth. II
| you put your savings in a tin can some
| thief will come along and steal 1t, and
| if you place it in the kitchen range
! your wife may light the fire while you
are taking your morning siesta and il
will go up in smoke.-Omafa Bee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Father. what is an empty title?' We'll
an empty title is your mothers way of
calling me the head of the house. New
York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

wall. This will prevent unjust discrm-
nation" they said. 1T will keep every
trouble and expense of having to revise
the tariff every few years.-Chicago Trib-
une.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

That organist Belle Tilted for the aged
! millionaire played a spiteful trick at her
| wedding what did he do?'' Instead OF
playing them up the aisle with the we'd
ding march, he struck up Old Hundred
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Hobo-No. madam; am neither social
ist nor an anarchist 1 am a passive al
TRUST. Housekeeper-And what in the
name of common sense is that? Hobo
| believe in being helped all can.-Bos
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

F'lub-Sticking to a thing is what causes
one to rise in the world. Dub-How abou
the fly and the fly paper Judge.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Truth is stranger than fiction" "Sure.
Everybody knows how the average novel
is going to end. kansas City Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

Gus-vat makes der corn stalk SOL
LIouie-Dot is because its family Is al
composed of kernels.-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

II got postal from a candidate to.
day. said the first farmer. ITO what
effect?'' inquired the second farmer. ASK.
ed me to consider myself slapped on the
back and my baby kissed. Kansas City
IJournal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

"Our new cook is dreadful slow" 80 is
ours. When we invite people for dinner
we tell her they're coming for luncheon"
I-HarperS Bazaar.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

+ Senior Waiter Ito rather green assistan
at a recent banquet in a celebrated Lon
ing and staring there as If you was tn
bloomin' guest of the hevenin' .-Tit-Bits
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

A certain newly-elected Western Con-
gresham met society bud of Washing
ton at his first reception. ''Do you like
Balzac?' she queried. wal, I never play
ed it," drawled the Westerner, but I'm
willin' to take a hand. "-Lippincott' 8
Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

II suppose in those ragtime days you sell
very little classical music?" More than
you would imagine answered the music
dealer. Almost everybody buys a few
pieces to place on the piano when high
brow company calls. "-Pfttsburg Post
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

mo mater how proud and overbearin' a
man my be-" said Uncle Eben. you know
he's got to weaken an beg off. Sooner or
later de dentist g'ineter git i'm along wifi
de rest of us.''-Washington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-21

"Jimi' bawled the impresario of the
troupe of performing fleas. "Yessir," said
his assistant "Chase them water bugs
away from the stage entrance. They an
noy the mers."-Louisville Courier
Journal