The evening world. [volume] (New York, N.Y.) 1887-1931, 1909-03-01
Employer Says He Really
Couldn't Have Gone as
Fast as Charged.
WOULD RIP STITCHES.
But the Vermiform Argument,
in a Bottle, Fails to
Convince.

A vermiform appendix. perfectly pre-.
served in a small ribbon-knotted bottle
and said 10 be OF recen: extraction, isn't
necessarily a sound argument why a
chauffeur simply couldn't break the
speed laws when it's owner was a pas.
senger in the flying car
The vermform argument was sub.
mitted by Walker H. Graef, who lives
at the Hotel Plaza, in behalf OF his
driver, Anthony c. Hauser. who was
arrested by Patrolman McDonough in
Harlem yesterday and charged with
racing at % 1-2 miles an hour. Hauser
was held in $500 for trial, notwithstand.
ing his employers novel support.
why, Your Honor I'm surprised -
said MIR. Graef when Hauser was held
as tears seemed to crystalline under
his eyes, Here's ready proof that he
really couldn't have gone at that hor.
rible rate as Neutrality-suspicious. saws"
Digging into his coat pocket, Mr..
Graef drew forth the alcoholic fection Of
his anatomy There was stir In court,
and the Harlem reporters siggled as
Magistrate Herman whirled TO talk to
his clerk
A Splendid Specimen
Il say, Your Honor, see lt-see how
veil 1t looks It's a splendid type
healthy, the doctors said, but better out
OF mans system than In. Aren't you
glad to see it?"
NO. Numbered the Magistrate.
strange, most surprisng-every one
speaks SO well Of it, You know it's
Next case" shouted the Magistrate.
turning his head.
Thought you would be glad TO see IT.
perfectly harmless and-er-sr-youye
got one, too, Your Honor, unless you--
why, l am shocked that my chauffeur
should be thus Inundated! Had he been
running at that rate my stitches-you
see I'm wearing a corset still"-
Nothing worries mel don't want
to see it-next case, said. Ia every
one asleep In this Court? Thatll do
sir, put your verlform appendix back
In your pocket. mean. Clear out, the
sight of 1t worries me-
Worried Him, Too.
Tit worried ME, too, Judge, when
DR.. Erdman CUT
There was what might be termed bel.
lowing from the judicial bench and a
hurry and scurry OF bluecoats and +.
new stage setting quickly done as Mr..
Hraet gently, even fondly. tucked his
little vial in his vest pocket and went
out.
What's CHARGE" yelled the Mag.s.
trate when Frederick Pope. a pale.
faceG young man, who lives at tho
Harvard Club, was arraigned.
Speeding % miles against
What are you fellows UP to this
year." continued His Honor, thor
oughly aroused The first spring day,
and a dozen of You try to lower all
1905 city records, Ell? Well, don't get
caught. What have you got 10 say?'
My sparher Is on the bum, Your
Honor" he murmured. feebly. When
| go slowly 1t breaks down and | have
to run along sort OF easy, you know.
Anyhow, | wasn't going at that rate"
Held for trial." snapped the Court.
Didn't Know His Business.
III your Honor will bear with me a
moment. I'm from Georgia. own 5000
acres OF pine lands and really I'm
sort Of stranger here. have been
unable to locate a bondsman. but will
give YOU any cash required"
"one hundred dollars" said tho
Court.
As the clerk was taking down Mr..
Pope's record the Magistrate heard
him say;
Simply can't say whist my business
isl don't know7"
Don't know his business, chr" he
aueried.
We'll, l get pitch from the pines on
my estate and live on the income. Now
what would you call thatf' he said
genlally, In his rich Southern accentua-
| ton.
Magistrate Herman smiled and turned
but the clerk came to the rescue and
said:
"Porcopine or turpentine. Mr.. Poper
This was considered a fine Joke by MIR
Pope and ne left the room, lis fac'
wreathsd in regular Georgia smile
sab