davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
PIE AS PROMOTER OF CONJUGA'.
INFEIICITY.


We have all heard Of "the pies that
mother used to make" as well as of
that other kind which are constantly
cropping ont In connection with stories
intended to emphasize the need Of mod
ern cooking schools for the average
American girl of these ultra progressive
DAYS The latter are sometimes known
as the pies of which dreams are made,
particularly II the chief ingredient is the
famous ''mince." When 10 soggy
fabby. indlgestible combination OF dough
and hashed adipose tissue and muscle
and sliced fruit, seasoned to homo
geneous taste. is added unusual dexter
ity on the part OF the waitress In throw
ing things at ono at table. little remains
to complete the decentralization Of the
domestic circle When these conditions
prevail. divorces multiply.
Sometimes the tables are turned. how
ever. and the humble man % the house
turns into the pie-thrower. The st.
ample of this kind ae follows;
During the trial OF a case in county
court last week in which much family
unpleasantness was brought out In the
testimony. one lawyer referred TO an oc-
casion when il was claimed that the
husband threw pie at his wife at the
dinner table. whereupon an opposing
counsel Jumped to his feet and objected
to the statement. Turning to the court
with most injured air. the attorney
exclaimed: Your honor must object
to such damaging suggestions and mis-
statements Of fact heing made to the
Jury There is no evidence in this case
that may client threw a pie a. his Wife
1t was only piece OF pie and Il was
not custard but mnce "
Soggy pies are thus seen to he a two
fold menace to coniuRa felicity and this
disclosure should serve as a double warn
ing to mature members OF the domestic
circle
Husbands who desire to indulge in the
pastimc OF hurting pics at their wives
should be careful in the extreme to throw
the same only in small sections instead
of using a whole pie Mt time. The oh
jections which might be raised to throw
ing m entire pie az ones better half
seem to have no weight, II quarter
| section Of the concoction is used and the
| athlete is careful to use mince instead
Of custard or pumpkin or lemon or APP
pie or some other fruit OF the earth or
| tree or hen.
The lawyer in question having indi-
Gated the bounds within which there
might seem 10 be no objection to pie,
throwing as a conjugal pastime. It be-
hooves wives to see to it that their
mince pies will not hold together Ions
enough 10 be thrown. or at least Il
thrown. will prove to be so light as to
no longer constitute n deadly missile. Ir
other words mince pie, to be within
the safety line indicated by the Gale
donia lawyer. should be rendered a.
harmless as possible when taken in
ternally or applied externally
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
Sen ATOR TILLNAN's TRIDUTE TO
SENATOR PROCTOR.

No.. 49,. a. .,-., ,,o.oyor,h,, .r;L,,o,
10 the late senator heunelu frocto'
was that uttered by senator Tillman
n. South Carolina last SATURDAY. in the
,- It,. ,. u
70 ''''
tor Allison or Iowa. IN inc course of
his remarks he said:
,,a,, 10 col, vour ,pemor,oe for +,
hr;ot ,.nuo 70 tour renorlahln mo-,
u,,o bayo dio, u.itl,n tbo Inst eipht :
oa,, r,o,,hs ,torgap pottus Allison
proctor two fror, tho North md two
fror, tho south lnnd They were all
oeso,.io,,,, ,,coe ~ tho host that Ar,ori.
,,,, a,,.,,,,o,to,, hoe nroduccd 7, is do,,ht
f,l I, tbere evor existed n rreatcr con-
tr,s+ I, como respects than between
Senotor Allison and Senator Proctor.
ono was as rcnial md ss peacafu, in
ste o,,,ihv,os 90 June dav. tho
otbor ,.as llta tho uranire mountains
-, ,,, c.,,. ,o,rowba. austere ou,ot
urdcrons,rative hut az fun of the
min ~ human kindness as any man
have met here and withal posses
SING "n '"'V'
a.a., =. an nj, bie mar. at onvtbin.-
like ostentation.
I recall my surnrise-tor IT was very
wy 49,. -. .,,,,,,
Senator Proctor made after his visit
to Cuba on personal inspection. ON
MS return 10 'o'' NV '''"
, 49,, .to rxo,.oxr,ror, 70
go There and some back and tell us
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
THE WEEKLY FREE PRESS.

THE WEEKLY FREE PRESS. .
cents per copy. 80 cents for six months,
$500 per year, postage paid.
Advertisements and subscriptions re-
ccived at the ofllcc. IS9 College street.
Full advertising rates sent on applica'
ton.
Accounts can he opened for sub
scriptions. Subscribers will please re-
NIT with order. Names are not entered
until payment is received, and all
papers are stopped at the end OF the
time paid for.
Remittance at the risk OF the sub
scriber unless made by registered let
ter or by check or postal order pay
able to the publishers.
The date when the subscription ex-
pires is on the address label OF each
paper. tho change Of which TO a seib-
scuuent date becomes a receipt for re-
mittance. No other receipt is sent un-
less requested. The receipt OF tho
paper Is n sufficient receipt for the first
SUBS cription.
When change of address is desired.
both the old and new addresses should
be given.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

able expense of issuing n license and
Of regulating the occupation to which
it pertains the act or ordinance i'm
posing the tax is invalid" II IL
claimed tho license fees collected in
the state OF New Jersey within the
last year exceed by more than 100000.
the amount necessary to maintain the
department.
II is further contcnded that the tax
imposed by tho New Jersey law on
automobiles from other States is in
violation of the federal constitution,
which places interstate commerce
within the exclusive jurisdiction OF
other point of attack Is that the New
Jersey license tax is unconstitutional
because automobiles are taxed ac-
cording to their horse power and not
according to their value. which is
claimed to he the basis on which all
taxes should he assessed
II follows as matter OF course
that all state laws embodyins provis-
ions similar to those Of the New Jcr-
soy act now being tested must stand
or fall together. If the decision Of
tho case In question determines tho
constitutionalty of the New Jersey
law, it will hardly be necessary 10
test the Vermont law, although there
Is a manifest disposition to do SO
particularly as our law turns all the
within tho state into the State treas
| ury, divertnE tho money from the
towns in which tho property is ownei
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
THE LEGISLATURE TOO LARGE.

Indications are daily multiplying to
show that the sentiment i'm favor of
a reduction in the size of the Legis-
lature IS rapidly approaching point
where action will be the fruition 0f
words. We have probably all realized
that our Legislature was too large.
and that true progress demanded that
we follow the example of other States
like New York which have reduced
the number Of representatives, in the
larger branch of the Legislature to
$50. We have been content to drift
however, feeling that somehow or
other the situation would work itself
out.
Ncrmonts latest experience has
served to bring this whole matter to
a crisis. It is now plain that the
only way to prevent still more OBJ
jectionable condition OF affairs from
resulting is to cut down the number
of Legislators. senator L. H. Lewis
% 7
S"'"' experience "H'h ne says
We have always maintained that the
Vermont Legislature was too large
an" GUNNER SUM 1t ""''H -''"' l'S size
49,, ,ta. .,,,,,
plished bv n similar LEGISLATURE than
the present ovcrgrOwn body our per-
sonar experience win 'ha' p"dN dur
~
assertion. We would not be undor-
stood as saying that the present leg
lSiature Is h"' Il"ue up vi Soou men,
'''e
,,ors +, rorl,s wall vim or,. to1,,
that has transacted state business at
Montpelier in the last thirty years.
i""l - "o' '"' GOA 'lch-
o,,;,io, ,,iooron, FRAN, tho ottor
". however. without experiences who
gather at the capital and oppose every
s"o" ''e"a"'e' h"'''i'S '''""Se IL -
c,,.o nc oIngislo,uro az ho1f tb,,r,,n,-
Der. make the selection from those
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
A LOST OPPORTUNITY.

The Lyndonvillc Union-Journal
states whole situation In n few lines
when II says:
1t was great disappointment to
tho people Of the state that the Sem
ate voted for the SALARY grab" bill.
II the senators had only risen to their
opportunity and crushed this bill they
would have won the most sincere
praise from the people Of Vermont.
gentleman informs us that when he
urged a friend of his who was mem
Der Of the Senate to vote against the
salary grab. the latter replied: Well
] will not go back again and do not
see as II will make much difference"
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

AUTO

Owners of automobiles in Vermont
and others Interested in the subject
Of Legislation regarding the control
and taxation Of these horsoless vehi-
cles find noteworthy parallel be-
tween the situation in Vermont ana
that in oth,r States in which autos
are being tc>od and regulated. par
ticularly where machines are taxed
according t. horse power instead OF
according TO their value
Particular attention is being di
rected toward the tcst now being made
of the Frenushuyscn law, passed by
the New jersey Legislature, as re-
CARDS the constitutionality of the act.
The case brought by one of the auto
companies has been through two of
the minor courts but neither of those
tribunals pa "a upon the question of
the constitut,onality Of tho law in
question. TIN case originated nth
tho arrest Of II. II. Johnston in Treu-
ton, the Charge being that no New
Jersey license number was displayed
upon his Dr.. hine. An attempt was
made to hr'u1 tho constitutional ques-
tions at once into the federal court,
but that court sent the case back into
The state courts for adjudication.
one contention is that the state of
New Jersey has no power to tax a
nonresident Freedom of ingress
into ana c.rcss from the several
states is guaranteed to the citizen of
the United states and the point has
been sustained by many decisions Of
the United states supreme Court, \
case which is largely relied upon is
that of Crandall VS.. Nevada. in which
the supreme Court of the United
states held that the state of Nevada
| had no power to levy a tax on stage
coaches operating between points IN
that state and points in adjacent
states.
The reasoning Of the court in ar
irving at this decision is considered
to apply to tho case of an automobile
which is driven between points in the
State Of New Jersey ana points in ad-
jacent states. 1t il further contend
ed that the section in the Freling-
| huN@en law which provides That nom
| resident automobiles cannot obtain
| the required automobile license with
out consulting the secretary or the
state of New Jersey or his attorney
FOR the purpose of serving process
| alone vitiatcs the statute.
1t is not denied that the state may
IN the exercise Of its police powers
exact reasonable fee To cover the
expense Of issuing license and MAIN
tanning department for tha' Pu'-
pose. 1t has been laid down py ''e
highest court of New Jersey however
mat wherever 1t Is manifest '"''
the amount of such tax impose" VI
the exercise of the police power -
substantially in excess of the reason
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

The following tribute to the Cniver-
sity OF Vermont is from the columns
OF the Boston Globe:
III you go to an alumni dinner Of
the University of Vermont you're like
" to find that the T.. V. Ia making her
mark on the education OF to-day. For
instance, at Youngs on Friday night
there were among the alumni two
Tech professors, one Of Harvard. ono
OF Brown, one of Worcester Polytech-
MIC one OF Mount Hermon. and one Of
u. V. herself
II is not necessary to go to an alum
nj banquet to find sons Of Vermont do
Ing things in manner to rebound TO
the honor and credit of the university.
The record Of progress in most dlrec-
tons contains the names OF brilliant
sons Of the University of Vermont.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
INSTRUCTION IN FIRE DANGERS.

one of the subjects discussed at
Montpelier during the session of the
Legislature was the need OF instruc-
ton IN the public schools of Vermont
regarding fire. dangers. 1t will not be
possible for Vermont to take further
islation until one year from next Oc-
tober, but it Is worth while for our
people to note what is being done in
other states.
Ohio has a law providing for COM
pulsory instruction In the public
schools regarding fire dangers. II re-
qulres that every teacher or inst, GStor
in every public. private or parochial
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
SWEET Rt;MIEATION.

Jacob Ris tells many amusing exper-
fences about street urchins when they
first see the green folds and the wooded
hills. Hero Is one Of his best:
"a couple Of waits. who for the first
time were watching the COWS being milk
ed on q Catskill mountain farm. seemed
very much puzzled The farmer. noticing
the peculiar expression on their coun-
tenances. inquired tho cause.
"The reply was Say. mister, do YOU
mind telling Is how much Il costs to keep
dem animals in chewing gum? Judge,
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
ONE LIVES AND LEARNS.

An old captain and his mate went
into restaurant near the docks ana
ordered dinner. The waiter placed a
plate OF curious liquid before thcm.
~ say. young fellow. what's this
stun" shouted tho captain.
Soup. sir. replied the waiter.
Soup" replied the old sea dog.
Soup? Bill"-turning to his mate
"just think Of that. Here you and ma
have been sailing an soup all our
lives. an never knowed IT till now
Pearsons Weekly.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

Paul Dillingham;, son OF L. s SEN
ator william p. Dillingham;, who has
been secretary Of the commission on
immigration has resigned that posi-
tion to take a position with the trans
portation bureau of the San Francisco
TO assume the duties OF the position.
Mr.. Dillingham; has done excellent
work in Washington and the expert
ence gained in that connection we'll
qualities him for good service in his
new field.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
A SUGGESTION FOR VERMONT.
(From the Providence Journalo

The city OF Manchester. New Hamp-
shire is out for a new State shouse II
proposes a million dollar structure: and
as an inducement to the transfer OF the
seat If government from ancient Con
cord 1t offers to contribute o. quarter Of
million toward construction besides
giving the site. Manchester's finances
are In better shape than those of most
American cities If it can raise quart
er Of a million without borrowing. or in
deed, without applying to the very Ilcgis-
lature which considers it's generous PRO
posal for special legislation to borrow
because of an overrun debt limit.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
UP IN SMOKE.

Pend you now before the shrine
OF the good Saint Valentine.
Show 20 him Your broken heart
Pray the Saint 10 take your part.
Should he intercede in vain
And tho maid your heart disdain,
Cali upon saint Nicotine;
He will surely intervene
Bring burnt offring to his feet,
Incense of Havana. sweet.
Then the maidens shade invoke,
It will disappear in smoke
Smokers New Book
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
HIS EASIEST WAY.
OFrom the London Standard)

Hungarian peasant named Jan
tiirsh travelled to Budapest on busi-
ness and availed himself Of the OPP
portunity to order 100 visiting cards
which would astonish his native viii
age When he returned home he foun I
mat the cards bore the name OF Nav
'sch instead of Hirsch. This meant a
''ear loss OF Is, Cd. unless he could
nuke use of the cards. He accordingly
wrote petition ON stamped paper.
Which cost him Is, asking permission
~ a''er ms name. His request was
GRANTED and now he Is Jan Mavisch,
with Cd. saved.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
HOW HE SPENT HIS HALF-HO11-
DAY

A young man was industriously wheel
ing mbuator along the pave
ment in front OF his residence. MY
dear" came voice from an upper
window. whats tho NATTER" he
shrieked back And he vent on
wheeling. An hour later the same
voice came from the same win
dow. George. dear" well what's the
matter now" he shouted This George
dear you've been wheeling Lottie's doll
nil tie afternoon Let baby have turn
now" philadelphia Inquirer.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
CUT DOWN THE NUMBER OF LEG
ISLATORS.

The people OF Vermont are begin
ming to realize that the only way to
prevent our Legislature from grow
ing enormously expensive is to cut
down tho number OF legislators. The
recent session cost the people no less
than $4,000 more than the Legisla-
ture OF 1906. as regards the compensa =
alone to say nothing OF the increased
appropriations, the total having been
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

BY the way, when the commission
to propose amendments to the consti-
tuition is appointed its members
should not forget the pressing need
Of a reduction in the size of Vermonts
Legislature, The taxpayers of Yer
every session in this way, and run the
risk of lettering our legislation at
the same time.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

school shall devote not less than i've
minutes nor more than ten minutes
time on any ono day Of each week,
during which the school Is in session.
to instruction Of pupils between the
ages of six and fourteen years, in fire
dangers
For the purpose Of such instruction
IL Is made the duty of the state fire
marshal to prepare book convenient
~ arranged in chapters or lessons to
be in number sufficient to provide a
different chapter or lesson for each
week of the maximum school yearoonc
Of such LESSONS to be read by the
teachers In such schools each week.
The books arc published at the cX-
pcnse of tho state under tho direction
Of the state school commissioner and
distributed in quantities sufficient to
provide copy to each teacher re-
CURED by the provisions of the act 70
give the instruction provided for, tho
distribution being made by the state
school commissioner.
1t Is made tie duty Of tho boards
OF education, or other controlling au =
thorities to sec that the provisions
OF the act are enforced in the schools
or faillno or refusing to comply with
the provisions Of law in question is
to be deem guilty of Il misdcmeanor
and upon conviction fined not less
than five dollars nor more than TWEEN
ty-tive dollars
We have before us copy Of the
first publication issued by the state
fire marshal Of Ohio I'm accordance
with, the provisions Of the law quot
ed, and it must be admitted that the
results already obtained are useful
as we'll as practical. Tho first lesson
deals with the subject Of carelessncss
with matches, and the first sentence
under the heading IS the statement
that using matches carolcssly results
in the burning down of more thar
SEQ buildings every year in ohio and
and the loss of thirty children in tn,
| Buckeye state every year.
Tho subjects, which follow in ordo~
deal with safety matches, death from
playing with matches, tie coal OF
or kerosene lamp. k!udlnS a fir"
stoves for cooking and heating, opcr
replaces and CRATES fires from chin
ncys. fires from flying sparks, the ash
heap and tho coal pile, dangers from
leaking gas danger from Christmas
trees, the district school house anc
dangers in connection with the heat
! ing thereof
1t will strike the ohs"rvant rcadct
that most of these matters ought .
hc taught at home, but it is eviden
from the statement of the fire marsha
Of Ohio that this IS not done in thu
buckeye state and the same thing il
probably true Of every other State
/ including Vermont The state and th'
public suffer untold loss because chill
dren are not taught at home to guar
against fire as thoy should be taught
and the only alternative is TO teacl
these things to the children Of tn,
SCHOOLS that all may be protectc'
| from the fire nend.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

This liz the sort Of sentiment that
ia so largely displacing patriotism in
these days. What VIC need is a roviv-
al Of the patriotism OF the days when
men were willing TO lay down their
fellow men. Vermont particularly
needs a revival OF this kind.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

When YOU want anything, advertise In
the new special column OF this paper
Some bargains are offered there this
week which Il will pay you to read
Nbout. See page two. This paper has
more than 5000 readers every week
and one cent a word will reach them all.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

The Troy Press thinks II the row
between Governor Hughes and the re-
publican bosses means mighty little
Legislation at Albany" II will not he
an unmitigated calamity. Vermont
viii soon learn as other States have
learned that we have too much in
stead OF too little legislation, and the
less legislators we have the less laws
will be spread on the statutes
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
psYCHIcAL PHENOMENON.

Prof Psychs (who has been hit in the
back by a snOwball,)-An unmistable i'm
pact as of a blow from a hand, and not
a soul in sight. Most remarkable instance
of phenomena-or shall say noumena--
extending over area Of consciousness
Not apparently priori, nor from in
tuition alone, but seemingly transcen-
dental. Most extraordinary
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
THE STORY TELLER.
A SHARP RETORT.

"My dear said thin little Brighton
man To his wife. this paper says that
there Is n woman down in Devonshire
who goes out and chops wood with her
husband"
well. what of it, think she could
easily do IL II he Is as thin as you are,
have often thought Of using you to
peel potatoes with.
The thin man laid down his paper with
a sigh that sounded like the squeak Of
penny whistle. Tit Bits.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
TRUE ENOUGH.

Now. boys, get on with geography
papers,"
As the school inspector spoke twenty
pairs OF eyes gazed hard at the desk,
while the sucking Of the ends OF the
pens could almost be heard.
Question 1.-Name the zones.
Webster johnson thought and thought
and thought. Then. A smile Ger his face.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
TESTING HIS FORT1TCDE.

Tommy" asked tie visitor. what
are you going to be when you grow up
10 be man."
Tn going to be an arctic explorer"
responded the bright little boy "and
now will YOU give me a quarter"
Gracious. Tommy, What do you want
with n quarter"
Il want to get FIVE ice-cream sodas
and find out how much cold can
stand. "-Chicago Nows
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11

Two deer caused the shutting down
OF a mill in Providence on Monday
because they leaped into q mill trench
and were swept to the bulkhead.
Vermont streams know no open sea-
son of this kind for deer.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
NOT TIE WIRELESS.

(Mrs. Biunder has Just received tele-
gram from India)-"What an admirable
invention the telegram Isl she exclaim-
ed, when you come to consider that this
message has come a distance of thous-
ands Of miles, and the gum on the en-
veope isn't dry yet"-Tit Bits.
Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1909-02-11
NEEDJESs NOISE.

The celebrated soprano was in the
middle OF her solo when little Johnny
said to his mother. referring 10 the con-
ductor of the orchestra: why does that
man hit Mt the woman with his stick"
''He Is not hitting NJ her" replied his
mother. keep quiet"
We'll. then. what is she hollertn so
for ?"-Sucess.