The Washington times., 1909-04-18

Registered at Statiolars' Hall.
ly greeted the applause. And yet /
knew her to be as old if not older than
l. j knew that she has married
daughter and is a grandmother Oh
course. she was made up. but 1 al
lowed Tor that; without it size would
still have been young. And that was
Lillian Russell whom had seen twenty
years before, whose picture has been
on cigar boxes for as many years or
more! 1 watched her jealousy as she
moved gracefully around the stage,
smiling, winning. confident of her
charm. Her role was that of young
girl, and she gave it all the exubeT-
ance and lightness OF youth, executing
in one act something verging on
skirt dance. And it was all done with
ease and grace. never for a moment
seeming ridiculous or even inappro-
pirate.
I thought of myself or any Of the
other middle-aged womep sitting around
me going through the same antics-hOw
hideously absurd we would seem! 1
don't know why I torture myself with
such thoughts, but I do. All the way
home 1 was picturing myself in that
part, lashing myself with the thought
Of hoV ridiculous 1 would have looked.
What was her secl ec- Why had 1
faded, while the years left her almost
untouched? The life Of an actress must
be hard-har1er than that of a shielded,
sheltered woman. And yet invariably
they retain their youth longer. Massage
and constant care may do a great deal,
but / believe it is, after all, the ner-
vous tension itself, the continual
change and excitement, the very in
tensity of living, that keeps them
young.
October 18th.
7 READ this sentence in a book today:
There is nothing more pitiful in
life than the sight of a woman on her
knees trying to fan into life a love that
has grown cold" A woman on
her knees trying to fan into life a love
that has grown cold. And that is what
I have been doing for months.
October 2Oth.
There are moments in every woman s
life that are unforgetable, that even IN
years long after are lived over and over
again.
What a wonderful document It would
be if a few women would write honestly
Of what was the most supreme moment
of their lives, of the moment that stood
out above all others in haunting vivid
nessl
In my own life there have been two
moments so great that sometimes I feel
If there had been nothing else, life
would stu have been worth living for
just for those.
One was after the birth OF our child,
when Horace was first allowed to see
me. The nurse opened the door for
him and then went out, closing it after
her-leaving US alone. Oh. the look in
his eyes as he came toward the bed
and knelt beside me, ] think he whis-
perez my name. Mary" but that was
all. And even had not been too weak
to talk I know he would not have
| spoken It was q moment for which
there were no words. I car still feel
] the dear pressure Of his face against
my hand, still thrill at something warm
/ and moist that fell there. and at the
| slight roushness Of his lips nd cheek,
which I knew meant two days neglect
/ ed shaving. For the nurse had told
me that in the forty-eight hours I had
| been unconscious he had hardly left the
hall, where tirelessly he W. lIIed back
/ and forth before my door.
The other moment was I'm the old Fifth
Avenue Hotel a few weeks before our
marriage. I was standing o. an upper
! flight Of the wide rep-carpeted stairs,
and Horace was coming slowly, reIuct-
antly up toward me, with a pale, stern
I face, and defiant, blazing eyes. Every
Id al Of hu4 v,fr
in my memory. A large. old-fashioned
! gas-chandelier with cut-glass pendants
hung In the hall above; Il shone direct
on Horace as he came toward me,
throwing a circle of light over the high.
white wall and part OF the dark ma
hogany banisters, leaving the rest in
gloom.
That was the momentum, the hour
before had made II what it was.
Father had come to New York on
some political business, and had brought
me with him TO buy my trousseau. we
were at the Fifth Avenue. where he had
stopped for years. That night he was
out at some meeting. Tired from a
days shopping, 7 had slipped into negit
gee and was sitting by one Of the long
low windows, looking out at the lights
in Madison Square, thinking drearnilv ol
Horace, and OF our new life. now sc
near. when there came a sharp knock
al the door. II was a bell5oy with q
card-HOrace's card.
The blood flew TO my face. He was
there downstairs, tod the boy to sa,
] would be down in a few moments. And
then with p rush came the thought why
need l dress and go down? lie was m,
nance-why could not receive him a.
/ was, up here? Father had taken 2