davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
JAYHAWKER JOTS

The Onaga Republican delivers the
excellent opinion that bad roads are an
extravaganza no farming community
can afford.
A baboon belonging to the Barnum &
Bailey show is being wintered in Man
haitian, and society there Is All Agog,
says the Emporia Gazette.
1T must be remembered, remarks
the Abilene Reflector, in reference to
the recent statement that Kansas is
against Taft, that Henry Allen is a
humorist."
An impairment question from the
Atchison Champion: Right on the
square, would you pay any taxes at all,
without regard to how much property
you own, if you could get around it?
Peabody man made protest re-
Gently because cemetery lots cost thres
times as much as they did ten years
ago and the Florence Bulletin inquiries
to know why he didn't die ten years ago
If he is so anxious to save money.
A prospective candidate asked County
Treasurer Joe Eddy what he thought of
his chances. Your Chances said Eddy,
remind me of the likelihood of a tallow
dog catching an asbestos cat in the in
fernal regions. Journal
There seems to be a great musical
awakening at Plains. notes the Salina
Journal. singing school will be or
tanned and a band will be started if the
question whether each member shall
own his own instruments or whether
the instruments shall be owned in COM
mon can be settled.
Brother Philander," said I to our
head deacon the other day, you have
belonged to our church long time
Did you ever know a member who gave
one-tenth of all he made to the Lord ?''
Yes" replied Philander with consid-
cradle stress, .'she earned her money
over the wash tub, and she sang all
day long and now wears the brightest
crown of all our members who have
gone before Bert Walker in the Os-
borne Farmer.
1--WE print the following story" says
the Atchison Globe ''in the hope that
this true little tale may carry its warn
ing to erring wives, mothers and
daughters who are seized annually at
this time of the year with mania for
wrapping things in tissue paper and at
taching Christmas cards: An Atchison
man who is known to carry consider
able money was held up at the corner
of Tenth and Parallel streets last even
ing by two young women. While one
pointed a gun at his head the other
went through his pockets, securing $50.
The man later secured evidence as to
the identity of the women, mother and
daughter, and went to their home with
a policeman. They confessed. but told
such a pitiful story that the man, upon
receiving his money, decided to make
no charge against them. They said
they had no money to spend for Christ
mas, and had a list of over twenty-five
kin to whom they must give presents.
After racking their brains day and
they hit upon the holdup as the easiest
worked"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
Whv Some Are Bald.

The late Thomas Bone. "the sailors
missionary" was the soul of kindness,
but he had a keen wit and a ready
tongue. too. An instance given in his
recently published life is the follow
ing:
"His work was not without its hui
mofous side. Among the new men
there were always some who sought
little amusement at his expense. but
they reckoned without their host. His
kindly manner never changed. The
smile never left his face. There was
no venom in the retort. but it seldom
failed to silence the interrupter The
laugh raised at his expense made it
quite certain that no second attempt
would be made.
"Seeing him approaching one day,
one of a group of sailors announced
his intention of having some fun He
stepped forward and removed his hat,
revealing perfectly smooth crown,
and asked:
lean you tell my why my head is
so bald, while all my companions have
plenty of hair
"I don't know was the smiling re-
ply, unless the reason given me the
other day by a farmer would apply,
that an empty barn is not worth
Singing youths Companion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
English and American Officers.

A lieutenant, writing in a London
newspaper and treating of the status
OF officers. says that the explanation
OF the shortage of officers and the fall
ing off Of applications for admission
to Sandhurst is found in the fact that
the army as a profession docs not
pay" bluntly speaking. It is not, to
quote a British authority, "a prosper
Gus profession" If the pay is COM
pared with the investment The writ
er asks in what other profession would
he, a well educated man of 80. after
an expenditure of $4,000 capital and
twelve years service or experience, be
expected to be contented with sal
airy" of 50 a day. Answer is not easy,
and apparently none is attempted be-
yond the vague assurance of a min
lister that the government hopes at
some time to give the whole subject
of officers pay consideration.
The reference by this British sub
altern to the expenditure of capital
is enlightening as to the difference
existing between the method of Off
cering the army in his country and
in ours. Not only do we pay officers
a wage calculated with some refer
ence to the expenses which the serv-
ice entails. but we pay young men to
go through the four years course at
West Point. In Great Britain the ex-
actly opposite policy is followed. The
cadet at Sandhurst pays for the in
struction he receives.-Boston Trans
cript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
d],,,l.E1,ll2,L]1|
~6W GlRlB RUAps. NJ.

Wroten ad Looie Linkenfusser vol
burns coal:
Greetings. Looie: Uf you see anything
VI Misder Sanity Claws, tell him to
prlng us bucket uf natural gas. We
are frizzen oop, but odervise We are all
rlgnt. We haf Sweet Spring to look
forwards to. but i'd iss about all We hat.
Berneps, py der time you get dis. der
commlddee on Public Safety will meet
una make aranchemendts to connect a
punch OF our gas-bearing politicians
mid der empty mains, und den We viii
be safed.
Dis gas proposition, Looie. ISIS some
ding We musd handle chendly, pecaus Id
iss pampered pet, und harsh words
might ruff1e Id, but will venture dis
remark: Der gas combany ISIS like Won
VI our local vite-horse bows, who in
some manner secures halluf pint uf
benzine und invites fourteen friends to
hellup drink Id. In oder words, dere ISIS
blenty uf gas. der only trouble being
der number uf takers. Und uf We COM
blain, der manachmendt lets oud q
yellup uf woe to der effect dot der COM
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
QUAKER INDICATIONS

GFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
Fine feathers make fine beds.
Every rose has its bill from the for
list.
Beauty. being only skin deem.
shouldn't be afraid of freckles.
A man of few words may have a
double chin, but a woman, we'll
Any man can build castles in the
air. but that shouldn't make him feel
lLpish.
We are told that ais well that ends
WELL but a good. last act won't save
a bad play.
wigwag-"we should all marry for
love-" Harduppe-"Yes. but SO few of
US can afford it,
The worst feature about putting
things off till tomorrow is that some.
one is apt to do them today.
The Cynical Bachelor rises to remark
that the greatest bunco game in the
world is that a man is up aeafnst
when he judges a woman's smile ha~
fore he marrfes her.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

TO Lerlm1can sandwiches with their us
ual filing Of rich, old tallow. and to
those cut but uncomfortable looking
igloos. Cook and Peary. however, were
able to hike to the North Pole on such
sustenance, and there is no particular
reason why their many compatriots
should not thrive and grow fat on
similar diet, especially as their pursuits
are less rigorous.
So what's the use of complaining?
There doesn't seem to be much of a
chance that it will do any good. 1t
will only tend to spoil our dispositions
and they are not very good at their
best.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
JOURNAL ENTRIES

1t may be better to be born lucky
than rich but most people probably don't
think So
n X X
Some girls" have the audacity to re-
fer to the burrows in their faces mark
ed by age as laughing wrinkles
X X
If opportunity knocked only once at
each mans door there would be more
utter failures in the world.
Evidently the more curiOuSly and
queerly a woman's hat is shaped these
days, the more stylish it is thought to
be.
If marriages are generally failures,
why is it that most married women are
so ardent in making matches for their
younger relatives and friends?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
GLOBE SIGHTS.
[From the Atchison Globe.1

A man is usually as far from being
a devil as a woman is from being an
. angel.
You have probably, at some time,
noted the resemblance of the critic to
the crank.
natural gas: when he needs them most.
the supply is apt to run short.
although I have smoked all my life,
I have never been able to find smok-
ing tobacco that suited me.'-Ben
Davis.
There never was a woman who loved
her husband so much that she would
not forget him in making arrangements
for a party.
In trying to gather the news, report
ers are greatly annoyed by the jolly
jokers; so many. men want things print
ed as Jokes on others.
A boy enjoys cold weather, except
when it is time to get up in the morn
ing: a boy doesn't enjoy any kind of
weather when it is time to get up in
the morning.
Tell a man a secret, and he tells it
to his wife, and when she in turn re-
peats it, he has a great deal to say
about a woman not being able to keep
a secret.
man lately gave a Globe reporter
an item. but the reporter didn't think
it very good, and didn't print it. The
man was very angry. 1t took me two
days. he said, "to think that out"
No man wants to kiss woman who
is not willing for him to kiss her, al
though occasionally a man breaks in
and acts rough, but under such circum-
stances he thinks the woman is acting
cey, and wants to be kissed
The incest thing in the world is a
nice little girl. The next incest thing in
the world is a nice woman. Last even
ing. we "sat around" and listened to .
nice married woman talk 1t was JOY
TO hear her because she had so many
ideas that we thought were fair to the
men, A woman Of that kind never
lacks appreciation; you never hear OF
such a woman seeking divorce, or
SAYING that she is not treated fairly.
Well bet the husband of the woman we
have in mind is glad to be attached to
her apron strings. In fact. we once
heard him say: You NAV think m
henpecked, but I'm not. love my
wife"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

ness" 'oui happl-
"Mine?" A bewildered look went
over the girls face. "en'
Certainly. Yours and I,anvford,s
When do you sail?' .
FOR a second. Patricia stood still
ana stared. Then a ripple of unirth
swept over her pretty features and
sne laughed understandings at last.
lie and Maize were married two
the Philippines at once"
II was Brainard's turn to stare,
AND he made fun use of his privi-
lege And So" he murmured with
a tremendous. deep-drawn breath. che
d1d not come here to get you after
Dick! What an absurd idea
listen Do you remember that
night at the ball? Everybody was
smiling and nudging over his palpabIe
oevoCon TO you. A couple of days
aiterward read In the paper that you
tice was followed Immediately by a
paragraph that Lieutenant Percy
Langrord had received orders to go
70 the philippines and that he would
stop at Washington en- route and be
girl"
:. Patricia gave expression to her re-
lief in laughter. st was merely try
ing to be nice to him that night for
Mazle's sake" she said happily.
Green eyes never could see straight. !"
But those dances
fhat's where the funny part
comes in" she interposed tears of
suppressed merriment glinting
through her golden lashes. 1--WE didn't
discover 1t till the seventeenth dance,
but-but you and he had got your
programmes exchanged somehow"
Dxni -
face The punch bowl! It must have
happened there. obviously. there's
but one thing to do" he said a trifie
sheepishly, throw myself on your
mercy" His eyes sought her appeal
ingly. Then, regardless of possible OBJ
servers. she gave him her hands
Copyright. 1909. by Associated Lit
erary Press)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Many persons in and out Of public
H6e are referring to President Taft's
annual message to congress as being
conspicuous for what Is missing from
II. The criticism does not appear to
be a fair one because Mr.. Taft has
given notice that he intends to discuss
such important questions as are in
volved in the needed amendments to
the antitrust. interstate commerce and
conservation laws in special messages
Of the near future.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
LABOR AND LIQUOR.

Organized labor never discussed a
more vital question than that involved
in the recent convention at Toronto,
where John Mitchell made stirring
appeal for. temperance. 1t is not mere
ly on moral and sentimental grounds
that the cause of temperance is gain
ing adherents among the men who
must work for their living. The COM
mercial aspects of the case are be-
coming more insistent all the time,
with the restrictions, constantly be-
coming closer. which employers are
placing upon the use of liquor by their
employees. Some of the lessons that
may be learned from over-indulgence
in stimulants are being taken to heart
-or perhaps only to pocketbook-by
large employers of labor. the net re-
suit being that the avenues to employ
ment and Advancement are being closed
to those who use liquor to harmful
extent.-Kansas City Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1

IRON the Chicago News.1
A spinster never forgives man for
remaining a bachelor
More family scraps should be con-
signed to the garbage can.
Men who know the most about things
known the least about women
Tn a matrimonial partnership wo-
man is never the silent partner.
A woman can do one thing TO man
can do: size can look pleased when she
isn't.
when a man seeks your advice fiat
ter him ard he will go on his way re-
some men are so poor they can af-
ford to refuse the pennies offered them
in change.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Discussing the proposed demands of
the railroad men throughout the coun-
try for increased wages, President
Brown Of the New York Central sys-
tenn states er4phatically that If there is
any increase in wages, no matter how
large or small, it will be impossible
without commensurate increase in
railroad rates. He adds that there is
hot railroad in the country that can
afford to pay its employees mere now
without getting better rates. This may
be true but the plain. ordinary COM
mon people who have been asking for
lower railroad rates will stand at at
tention in Missouri's good. old Show
me- attitude.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
No Boxes for Two.

Telephone girls sometimes glory in
their mistakes if there is joke in con-
sequence The story is told by tele-
nhone operator in one of the Boston
exchanges about a man who asked her
for the number Of local theater.
He got the wrong number. and with
out asking to whom he was talking,
he said: Can I get a box for two
tonight ?''
A startled voice answered him at the
other end of the line: I'VE don't have
boxes for two"
"Isn't this the Theater ?" he
called Grossly.
"Why no." was the answer. this
is an undertaking shop"
He Cancelled his order for "box
for NICHOLSON Record.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

And now the "hired men, in the Nc
Neal-Anthony controversy have taken
UP the cudgels for their champions
Probably their dogs will get busy next.
Then will come a contest between the
fieas on their respective dogs, and so
on down to the mites that bite the
feas and stir the latter up to taking
revenge. The prospect-wel, 1t is not
very encouraging particularly at this
season of the year when peace on
earth and good will toward men is sup
posed to reign.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR

TFrom the New York Press.1
Women f1irt, hoping 1t will come true;
men, hoping it won't.
For the average man vacation
means escaping from his family
Wha+ pleases grandmother Is how
nobody ever could guess 1t, she looks so
young.
The reason a man isn't more of fool
than he is over a girl is she could make
him more so If she wanted to.
It's a romance for a woman to see IN
a magazine a picture of a man tnat
looks like one she danced with years
ago.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Governor Stubbs and Attorney Cen
eral Jackson want the Kansas Natural
Gas company to furnish gas to it's pat
rons in Kansas before 1t furnishes gas
to the people Of Missouri, notes the
Kaneas City Star and then It adds:
There is reason to believe that Gov
ernor Stubs and the attorney general
have been rnlsinforTned as to what the
Kansas Natural Gas company is doing
to the people Of Missouri"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

nized by the British government in
the form Of a large annual literary
pension and alst knighthood. He
didn't get either and was small enough
to blame the failure on the daughter
and wife Of Englands premier, MI.
Asquith. Then he tried to get square
with them by penning the vitrioiic
lines which have been given so much
notoriety. A nice man is Mr.. Watson
isn't he?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Having been in session for a few
days and done nothing congress Is
now preparing to take a two weeks
vacation for the holiday period. Why
isn't the date of converting congress
advanced to a time after the holidays
80 that when the congressman do
gather at Washington they can remain
and get ~ work without two weeks
inferrI1Aion?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
LOOK BUSY,

LOCK o busy as you rush along.
Inat Is the proper dope.
lon amb1e calmly with the thronR:
Adopt a jerky lope,
ignore the signs of rising wrath,
In energetic way.
Beat Father Time into a pulp.
He hasn't any friends.
And talk of dividends.
Act always like a man who has
A Lot of vim and go.
and people will describe you as
A human dynamo.
Philadelphia Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Butte, Montana, has a reputation for
being a wild sort of place, but its
public officials there are blessed with
more sense than are those in some Of
the alleged safe and sane" communi-
ties Of the land. They stopped Mara
thon dance there before any of the
contestants had chance to drop dead.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Mrs Carrie A. Nation smashed $50
worth of bottle whisky the other day
In the bar at the Union station, Wash
ington, D. C. She was arrested, of
course. and will probably soon find out
that the capital of the nation is lit
tie different from Kansas in its treat
ment of folks who run amuck in that
20
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

An association of Kansas creamery
men propose to raise the standard of
butter which is made in this state.
The poor, old consumers will be sus-
picious that this will mean a further
increase in the price of this product.
II it doesn't the butter makers in
question will prove themselves to be
great men
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Kate Barnard, the Oklahoma chart
ties official who tried to prove that
the inmates in the Kansas penitentiary
were being cruelty treated, must be
credited with being on the right track
for once. She declares that wife de-
eertion Is the ''meanest of crimes"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

At last the African in the woodpile
that was responsible for Poet Wat
sons effusion which has been labelled
1.-THE woman with the serpent's
tongue" has been exposed to view. 1t
appears that Mr. Watson thought his
services as a poet should be recog-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganiEation for the exclusive afternoon
puhlica ton in Topeka.
The news Is received in The state Jour-
nal building over wires for the sole pu-'
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

The Milwaukee Sentinel wants to
know If the JOY ride can be classed as
race suicide. Sure. It is possible to
say what you please these days I'M
less you talk like Mr.. Gompers.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

King Leopold of Belgium has re-
Gently suffered some severe paralytic
strokes. Perhaps this is a little of the
retributive justice due him for some
Of the Congo atrocities for which he
haa been RESPONSIBLE.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

4T-be American Murderer. ''

The parasitic. minute worm known
ponularly as the "hookworm." which
has given its name to the disease, has
amore significant scientific title. It is
Necator Americanus-the American
murderer; and II any living organism
ever deserved the title is is surely this
Outlook
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Natural gas would be a grand thing
in a climate that is an utter stranger
to w1ntry blasts.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Belated opserfation: Ply dis time
Madame Sembrich hat reached some
blaze we're she can Get 1t.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-11

Pefore going south, der manager III
der gas combany issued anoder Won uf
hiss famous warnings. But der con-
sumers would prefer dot he issue more
gas uf der fuel variety