The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-20
HUAOR or THE Day

HVNOR or THE DAY
r,, Jones mes mad made an awful hit at the ban
hey was called CALLED on for e speech and re-
How on earth did you ever cultivate
such Era beautiful beautiful black eyer" asked
Who had unInfent,o1aIv n seDli;Hd Brown
the fall of man on roller skates. It raised
It from a slip. Everybody Magazine.
Teacher-when water becomes ice. what
Bright fupii-Tae Change ' in a@T price.M ise
Hen.
Don't envy the rich. Theoretically,
that's Il ats all right But how would you feel
Cleveland Plain Dealer ~
"Quarreled on their wedding day!
Dreadful! And what about?' 1.-THE brides
girl friends cried too vociferously to suit
the bridegroom. "-Louisville Courier
Journal.
n yeu fcq nS the Pyramids 9h
Of OUR cour Riep.91sapaS
What do you think of man with a rip
vest?'' He should either get married or
divorced. Boston Transcript
pher. HenpeckkeEYes; he says he would
rather be happy than married.-Philadel-
phia Record.
Golfer-The day get round these links
in under a hundred III give you a shilling.
it when I'm DRAWN me auld-age pension?
Punch.
raseas Pae gSes IS youn pa 1fs
has turned out more rascals than any
other. '-Cleveland Leader.
Young Husband-You mark me. A wo-
man always manages to get what she
wants.
Old Husband-I wouldn't mind that so
much but the worst of it is, as soon as
she gets 1t she wants something else
Tit Bits.
Man (who has just been refused)-Don't
you think that girl sometimes says No
without sufficient consideration?
Girl (who isn't having any)-Of course
not. Why the matter has always received
consideration long before the man pro-
poses.-Illustrated Bits.
Mistress (angrily)-How dare you talk
saeh @ You hsd lot Of nerve
to call yourself a ladys maid
New Maid--I don't call myself that now.
Ma'am; but I was a lady's maid before I
got this Job.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
''The old poets know about the automo-
'How now"
.''Macaulay speaks of Lars Porsena and
his ::w iyGr9y car.
And Poe cites an. instance of the air
growing denser Evidently an auto had
Just passed. louisville Courier-Journal
In a Sheffield school the children were
asked to come prepared with the mean. can.
This was one little girls confident defi-
milton ?, "a bachelor is very happy
The teacher wanted to know more How
DID the little girl know y, that lat, Die.
Father told me so:'-T1d-Bits
MY husband and 1 lived happily to-
ed tSen rs .ie shaved off his nuatache
and got to looking like a boy again.
Chicago Record-Herald.
German Conductor-"vy ISIS der flute
more softly dan It CAM" Flautist fpoint-
ing to score, ppp. )-"Pecause dey does!'-
Punch.
Photographer Ito eminent landscape
painter)-I see you still stick to the old
fashioned 'and-made type of picture.-The
Taller.
The Philosopher of Tolly.--'I see by the
that the dentists VIII form trust. L
suppose it will be known the Teething
Ring Cleveland Leader.
Mr. Lingerlong-I had a queer adventure
this afternoon Miss de Muir with
swift glance at the clock)-You mean yes
terday afternoon. I presume.-Chicago
Tribune.
Don't you think, Mary, you are too old
the older I get. the better I like them
Judge.
1.-THE people on that farm are such
warm-hearted, hospital folks They VIII
take anybody in" II know they Will We
boarded with them last summer. -Bait-
more American.
Mrs Muggins-Mrs. Bjones says life
isn't. worth living; Mrs. Buggins.Grac-
gains advertised in this mornings paper
Philadelphia Record.
Il don't think my husband loves me as
thinks it a pleasure now to tie my shoe
string Detroit Free Press
Have you any satisfactory proofs?' IN
ssWered the explorer MY publisher has
iust sent me a bunch of EN- TO read ana
correct. "-Washingto Star
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
JFrom the Philadelphia Record.1
The only safe bet is the one you
don't make.
The big opinions of a small man
naturally never fit him.
Give a minister horse and sleigh
and he will pray for snow.
The rich man can't always express
himself, but he can pay the freight.