davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
The Horses Power Of Smell.

: The horse will leave musty hay un-
touched in his bin, however hungry.
He will not drink of water objection
able to his questioning sniff or from a
bucket which some odor makes often
sive, however thirsty. His intelligent
nostril will widen, CULVER and query
over the daintiest bit offered by the
fairest Of hands, with coaxings that
would make a mortal shut his eyes and
swallow a nauseous mouthful at a
gulp. A mare Is never satisfied by
either sight or whinny that her colt is
really her own until she has certain
nasal certificate to the fact. A blind
horse, now living, will not allow the
approach Of any stranger without
showing signs Of anger not safely to
be disregarded. The distinction is evil
IDENTITY made by his sense of smell and
at considerable distance. Blind
horses, as rule, will gallop wildly
about a pasture without striking the
surrounding fence The sense of smell
informs them of it's proximity.-Horse
and Stable.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
They're All Like This.

q young and pretty hoolteacher
once asked her class for an original
definition Of the word wife. =
"a wife is a rib" said one little girl.
wives are guiding stars" said an
other.
"A comforter" said a third.
IAN inspiration" said fourth.
Altogether the definitions were rath-
er prosy and commonplace, but finally
child Of eleven, smiling archly, said:
"a wife is a person for man to find
fault with when things go wrong
"Goodr' cried the pretty teacher,
laughing. Good! That is the best
definition Of all, the best, the truest!''
But that afternoon on the way home
from school the little girl whose def
milton had SO pleased tripped demurely
up to the teacher and said:
"Are you going to marry that tall,
handsome young man I see you with
nearly every Snight?"
eyes," said the teacher.
"Well, then, IL my definition of a
wife was true"
"Ah, but, dear, with us nothing will
ever go wrong. He says SO himself
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Some Famous sallles,

Great men have been guilty Of pun
ming, and some Of the most famous OF
these sallies have come down in his
tory. There is something melancholy
about the pun of DR.. Thomas Browne,
who, having unsuccessfully courted a
lady and being challenged to drink to
her health, as had been his wont, re-
piled, II have toasted her many years,
but I cannot make her Browne. so
will toast her no longer"
Sydney Smiths jest at the expense
of Mrs. Grote had the salt Of malice
in it. She was famed for Ill taste
IN dress, and as one day she swept by
in an extraordinary headdress Smith
pointed her out to a friend, saying,
'.That is the origin of the word gro
tesque.'"
Mrs. Grote, however, had her re-
venge. Sydney Smiths daughter mar
ried DR.. Holland. When the latter
was knighted some one mentioned his
wife as Lady Holland. "Do you mean
Lord Hollands wife?' asked the lis
tener.
NO." replied Mrs. Grote. 'This new
Holland, whose capital is Sydney"
When the barrister Campbell mar
ried Miss Scarlet his friend explained
his absence from court by telling the
Judge that Campbell was suffering
from bad attack of Scarlet fever.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Sharks and. Divers,

Contrary to what is generally sup
posed, the fully equipped modern diver
does not dread sharks in the depths,
though there are cases on record
where these monsters have bitten saw
agely at the air pipe, causing serious
leak and almost drowning the man be-
fore he could be hauled up. Sharks
are, however, VIGOROUSLY timid, and
all the experienced diver has to do to
brighten them away is to open one Of
the air valves in his dress and cause q
stream of bubbles to rise up all around
him, whereupon the "tiger of the deep"
will make off in abject terror. A far
more real danger is getting entangled.
st. Nicholas.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23

Governor Johnson will not be a
candidate for a fourth term. We
know this because he has said so.
To be sure, he said he would not be
a candidate last year, but-Oh,
what's the use!'-Hinckley Enter.
prise.
And Frank A. Day, Governor
Johns private secretary and chief
factotem of the dem" party in the
state, asserted yesterday that he had
purchased farm in Texas and
would soon leave Minnesota forever.
There be those who wish the genial
democratic chairman was in a hotter
place even than Texas. The declared
departure of Day and the governors
declaration of not being a guber.
material candidate are about on
par-the people will know more
about both after the democratic
. state convention is held next year.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
The Leopard and the Pan.

One day a worthy Kulu housewife
came out from her cooking and, stand
ing en- the ledge of rock at her door,
emptied pan of boiling water into the
rank heritage growing below. 1t fell.
splash, on the back of a sleeping Loop
ard. who jumped perpendicularly into
the air as high as the roof of the hut.
What might have happened next?
Who can say? But the astonished wo-
man dropped the pan with clang up
on the rock, and the leopard took one
leap downhill. The pan followed, and
the leopard's downward leaps became
longer and swifter as the pan bounded
after it from rock to rock.
When last seen the leopard had just
achieved leap OF about $50 feet to
the very bottom of the ravine, thou
sands of feet below, and the pan had
whirled about 500 feet over it on the
opposite side. The leopard would have
eaten the old woman with pleasure
but pan which first scalded half the
hide off him and then bounded Changing
In his wake from the top Of the Hima-
layas to the plains below was some
thing which he could not face.-Lon-
don Chronicle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Bread That Intoxicates.

In far eastern Russia, in that region
which lies between the sea and the
river called Mssuri, the humidity of the
climate as well as of the soil is re-
markable. Vegetation is here distin-
guished for it's wondrous exuberance,
to such an extent that the soil never
dries up. The result is that the inhab-
itants in order to prevent putrefaction
of the roots SOW their corn upon Sc
ries Of layers Of the soil. Nevertheless
in certain districts the humidity is SO
intense that there grows upon the ears
Of corn kind Of fungous matter made
up of micro fungi. AS result of this
sporadic excrescence the bread made
from the corn in question gives all the
results of an overdose of alcohol. In
very humid climates the phenomenon
Is likewise known, though to nothing
like the extent of eastern Siberia,
where whole districts are affected by
this strange kind Of ."alcoholized
bread" .-s-- =
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Sitting Bull.

To look at Sitting Bull one would say
that he was always quiet and self con-
tanned. In fact, he did usually keep
himself under control, but he was cruel
and almost heartless. He had prac-
ticed cruelty to animals and men from
his childhood and as long as he lived;
he was full of passion and often very
angry. He was always imperious and
insolent toward our generals, the In
dian agent and other friends Of the
great father at Washington, whom he
claimed to hate. He had great talent
and ability to plan campaigns and bat
ties and wonderful influence in bring
ing Indians together. Notwithstand-
Ing all this, he was afraid Of death,
and, though he planned the greatest
victory which the Indians ever gained
over white men, Sitting Bull himself
was a coward and disgraced himself
even before his own people by running
away In the very face Of success
General Howard in st. Nicholas.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
The oniy Exclamation.

Old Mrs. Smith was chronic COM
palmer and was constantly sending for
the family physician and giving him a
list of her fancied ailments. He al
ways listened quite patiently, but was
getting little tired of hearing the
same things over and over.
One day when the old lady consid-
cred herself in an unusually bad way
she sent for the doctor and, after go
ing over the usual list, ended by say.
ing: REALLY, doctor, l do not know
WHIST in the world is wrong with me.
I can neither lay nor SET
The doctor looked at her moment,
then said in a solemn tone, MADAM,
you must be rooster."-Kansas City
Independent
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Qeceilers.


There Is an old fellow who lives in a
"dry'' New England town who has a
very poor opinion of New York, to
which metropolis he recently made a
visit. 1t may be remarked in passing
that the old gentleman is one of the
pillars of the church in his native vii
lage. Upon his return home he sat for
some time upon sugar barrel at the
grocery and then suddenly burst out:
''Them fellers down to New York is
as bad as thieves! Cheat your eye
teeth out fore you know it!''
"Gosh, Hiram! You don't mean to
say you got bunkoed at your ageY' the
storekeeper demanded, dropping the
nail tongs.
Eyes, I did, toov was the angry re-
ply. II went to a sody water fountain
an asked the Teller for his best sar-
syprilla, an I give him the regular
wink"
"WellY' the storekeeper demanded.
'Well, by heck, got itv' was the
Disguised reply.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
suBscRlPTloN---s5.oo PER ANHum

A. M. Welles, who recently leased
his Sank Center Herald, visited at
Walker and Bemidji recently, and
apparently enjoyed the tanning
bee" which he had with the brethren
whom he met in these places. In
the last issue of the Herald, Mr..
Welles says of his stay in these
parts:
"A recent trip up into Cass and
Beltrami counties brought with it
the conviction that an outing, brief
though it may be, in that country OF
pines and beautiful lakes, is just the
thing needed to Danish the effects
of editorial brain fog. A dose of
Walker and Bemidji, with Dare.
Pryor and Doc Rutledge fol-
trimmings, will make any worn out
scribbler fairly leap for JOY"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Ancient Chains.


"Some authorities" says an English
writer, "give the Britons credit for
originating the cable chain because
julius Caesar is recorded as having
been unable to cut the cables of the
Gaul's vessels, 'as they were made of
iron.' This may have been chain In
the present acceptation Of the term,
but it is doubtful, because the first pat
ent for eliminating was obtained in
England in 1854 by blacksmith
named Philip White. The patent was
for fourteen years, and in considera-
ton Of it White had to pay f5 in law
full money yearly at the exchequer,
Westminster, att the Feast Of the
Blessed Virgin and Saint Michel the
Archangell by even and eual process
ellis patent is described as follows:
"A way for the wearing Of ships with
iron chaynes by finding out the true
heating (pre)pareing and tempering Of
1yron for that pur)pose and that he
hath move attayned to the true vse of
the said chaynes and that the same
WILDE for the great saveing Of cordage
and safety of shippers and will re-
dound to good of our Comon Wealth.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
A Mexican Tradition.

"Boys, what's the matter? Fever?
Die. then: die. then" That's the song
the doves sing down in old Mexico
wien a native has pneumonia, and
alrlost invariably he lies down, refuses
to swallow the medicine prescribed by
the physician, resigns himself to his
fate and in few weeks he dies. The
dove, however, sings the song in Span
ish. It is tradition among the Mex
leans that once the fever accompany
ing an attack of pneumonia seizes
them it is necessarily fatal, and be-
cause of this all medicine and all ply
sicians are refused and the Mexican
usually dies. The dove brings the
story of death in its weird cooling, ac-
cordlng to the belief of the natives,
and many who have been seized with
the fever who otherwise might have
recovered have succumbed owing to
their belief in the tradition. That Is
the reason, It is said, why pneumonia
is fatal to SO many Mexicans.-New
York Herald.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
About Eaqs.

About Eggs.
In a hens egg only one-ffth Of the
substance is nutritious, one-ninth part
is refuse, and the remainder. the great
er portion, is water.
White shelled eggs are not quite as
good as yellow ones, for they contain
a trife more water and little less fat.
But your purveyor knows this and fire.
quently colors his white eggs with cof-
fee.
Judged by the amount of nutriment,
a g0ose's egg is the most valuable.
Next in order are ducks, guinea fowls,
hens, turkeys and plovers'. Eggs con-
tain.a large quantity Of sulphur, which
is purifying to the blood and good for
the complexion.
To get the best egg you must feed
your fowl on grain, and to cook it in
the most digestible way you must not
boil the water. Heat the water to $50
degrees and leave the egg in it for ten
minutes. You will then. digest every
morsel. But If you boil it for three
minutes no less than one-twelfth of
it will fail to be digested. Thus If you
eat two eggs boiled for three minutes
every day you waste five dozen in a
year.-London Mail.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Couldn't Aelp 1t.

A young lady tells the following
story of an Englishman she met dur
ing trip to Mexico:
The Englishman became acquainted
with the American party while they
were all guests at a winter hotel
Whenever the parents of the American
girl proposed any trip the Englishman
Immediately begged to be made one
of the party. He was to be included
in moonlight trip to nearby noun
tain. After the Americans were ready
to start they had to delay some fifteen
minutes awaiting their guests ar
rival. When he did arrive he cleo
trifed them by his comments on the
reason for his delay. What he said
was:
II beg pardon for my beastly tardi-
ness. Couldn't help it, don'cherknow.
I had to bring my mother from the
gardens first. It's singular horrid
bore, but one has to be kind to bis
mother, don'cherknow!'' = Milwaukee
Free Press. - -.s... 80
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
The Queer Screw Plant.

There is nothing under the sun quite
so quaint, so weird and witchlike as
the pandanus prairies of Fiji. The pan.
danus, or screw plant, as it is called, Is
most grotesque specimen Of the veg
etable kingdom even at the best and
in the early stages of its growth. In it's
very young days it Is Of an extraordi-
narily screwlike shape and looks as
though some unkind hand had taken
hold Of its long, sWordlike leaves and
twisted them round and round. Later
on it straightens out bit, and from it
grow q number of tall wooden stills.
Its foliage is simple, number of
dropping, ragged tufts, for all the
world like mops and very mournful
looking. Among these mops hangs the
fruit, in shape like pineapple, made
up Of hard red and yellow kernels,
woody and fibrous and quite uneatable
from Europeans point Of view.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23

The Laporte News mentions f. r.
Dampier as acceptable timber fol-
state senator in the F1tty-third
Senatorial district, to succeed John.
ston of Bertha, the present incum
bent, as follows:
The name of E. r. Dampier, GU,
efficient county attorney,is being
prominently mentioned as a winner
in the next senatorial race. Mr..
Dampier and the writer are no,
BOSOM friends" but his record as
county attorney is one that his
friends may point to with PRIDE
that, together with his pleasing per.
sonality- would make anyopposition
sit up and take notice, provided.
Nh. Dampier decides to enter the
race"
While the Pioneer is not printe
in the Fifty-third district, we dc
not want to be called a "butt-in'
if we mention the fact that, in ou1
opinion, E. r. Dampier would make
a splendid member of the uppe,
house of the state legislature. He is
aggressive, clean, broad-minded and
as fighter has few equals, while
as a public speaker he ranks very
high. Here's to Senator Dampier. "
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Shakespeare's Name.

1t has. often been puzzle to students
Of Shakespeare why his name is spelled
in so many different ways. Shake
speare himself is said to have signed
his name on different occasions "Shak-
speare." and Shakespeare" and learned
disquisitions have been written to
prove which is the proper spelling
None perhaps was more amusing than
the weather" reason given in 1851 by
Albert Smith, who averred that he had
found it in the Harleian manuscript
It was as follows: -,..--
How dyd Shakespeare spell hys name?
Ye weatherre maybe We change, we sage,
So write 1t as We please;
When We some shone he maybe hys A:
When Wette he took hys E'es.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
His Status.

The caste system is so deeply rooted
among the people of India that Chris
tanned Hindoos are still under it's po-
tent influence. For example, Mr.. ]. G.
Oman, formerly professor of natural
science in the government college at
Lahore, tells III his book, ''The Brah-
mans, Deists aud Musllms of india" Of
the native Christian head master of a
mission school who was asked In a
court Of justice what his religion was,
: "Brahman-C Christian" he replied.
The Judge, who was European, not
recognizing such sect, asked for more
information.
Il am a Brahman-C Christian" reiter-
ated the head master. II cannot call
myself simply Christian" he contin-
ued with some warmth, when that
Choorah (sweeper) there is also \
Christian. am a Brahman-C Christian,
SIR"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
A Mixup.

The householder smothered his wrath
and descended to the basement.
"Are you the plumber2" he asked of
the grimy looking Individual who was
tinkering with the pipes in the cellar.
'Yes, guv'nor," answered the man.
Been long in the trader
"'Bout year, guv'nor."
Ever make mistakes p
BLESS yer, no, guv'nor!'
"Oh, then, suppose it's all right! I
imagined you had connected up the
wrong pipes, for the chandelier in the
drawing room is spraying like foun-
tain, and the bathroom taps on irep'-
London Answers.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
The Wrong. Girl.

After whole year Of married bliss
a young man named Hahn, living at
Volosca, Dalmatia, discovered that he
had not married the girl he intended.
When he proposed to her he mistook
her for her twin sister, who SO re-
sembles her that they can scarcely be
distinguished, and he did not realize
his error until he began calling her by
her Christian name instead Of by the
terms of endearment he had hitherto
used.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Friday and Fortunes.

Two women who wished to make an
appointment with fortune teller who
was pronounced "just splendid by
everybody who had patronized her
were advised by the seer to come on
Friday. r-..
'"That is, if you are not superstitious
about Friday" she said. "Most people
are. They regard Friday as such an
unlucky day that they won't even have
their fortune told them for fear they
will hear something unlucky. That is
why l advised you to come on that
day. will have plenty of time and
won't have to put your cases through
with such a rush."-St Louis Repub-
lie. III.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
NaturaIized.

An Italian went to the civil service
commissioners rooms to be examined
for a laborer's position. He answered
most of the questions correctly. Final
ly they asked him If he had ever been
naturalized. He seemed bit puzzled,
but at last his face lighted up. "Ah, I
know whata you mean. Scratcha de
arm. Yes, lasta week."
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Wanted Something Quicker.

Some few years ago I issued pol
icy on the life of man who was far
from being model husband. called
for the premium every week and rare
~ got it without grumble from the
wife. The last time called she said:
IT amt going to pay you any more.
There's Mrs. Smith only had her old
man in MS society three months, and
he's dead, and she's got the money.
I'm going to put my old man in that,
so you needn't call again" Liverpool
Mercury.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Needed . Rio Dosa.

The president Of the Walters club Of
New York in recent argument on tip
ping said to his opponent sharply:
Your reply Is altogether beside the
point and irrelevant. It reminds me OF
q woman's reply in German court
This woman was accused Of poisoning
her husband. The prosecuting attor-
-ney said to her:
You have heard the evidence. The
body contained enough arsenic to kill
ten persons. What have you to say
My husband, the woman answer.
Cd, was q big eatlr.'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Would Not Paw CHARGES,

He was an impecunious nobleman
with air castles in sunny France. Aft.
er much deliberation he sent the fol-
lowing note to the pretty heiress:
Dear Miss-I love you, but do not know
how to express myself. How would you
advise? COUNT DE BUST.
And the heiress penned the follow
ing:
Dear Count-Express yourself any way
you wish except G. o. D., as you are not
worth the charges.
Chicago News.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
An Eouinox.

Tommy-Pa, what is an equinox?
Pa-Why-er-it is-ahem! For good
ness sake, Tommy, don't you know
anything about mythology at all? An
equinox was tabled animal, half
horse, half COW. Its name is derived
from the words equine and OK It
does seem as If these public schools
don't teach children anything now
adaysp s-..-s.... -
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
seedless Fruits.

Science so far has failed to furnish
any explanation of the mystery Of
.seedless fruits. They are not the out
come Of the work Of man. Man per-
petuAtes them. he does no more. The.
seedless orange was found in state
Of seedlessness.-Vege
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Why They Objected.

"No," said the fireman, who repre-:
sented the truck company that had re-
fused to work with colored truck
man, "there is no race prejudice in it.
But we certainly hate to work with a
man whose face will look just as clean
on the way home from a long fire fight
as it did when we started, while we
other chaps all look smudgy." Judges
Library,
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
lnstalIments All Around.

Patient (gloomily)-I don't seem to
be gaining very fast, doctor.
Doctor (cheerfully)-You can't expect
to get well at one jump. You will have
to regain your health gradually day by
day-sort Of on the installment plan, as
It were.
Patient Frightening up)-Well, doc
tor, if this thing keeps on much longer
I'm afraid that you will have to collect
your bill in the same way.-Judge's
Library
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Overlooked.

II always distrust your judgment for
some reason or other, John"
Eyes, and you have reason to. It
serves me right
"Why, I cannot remember you ever
having done anything to justify such a
distrust''
'Have you forgotten that married
you Y-Houston Post
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Distilled Water.

Distilled water after having been
exposed to the air Is one of: the most
salubrious Of drinks. Its daily use in
measured quantities lis helpful in
cases OF dyspepsia and greatly assists
the general functions Of the body. Ev-
cry large steamer carries water dis
filling apparatus by which sea water
is made fresh. In the days before
steamers primitive distilling apparatus
was used on warships and vessels car
rying passengers ~
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-06-23
Poor Angel.

81 wonder" said the sweet young
thing, "why man is always so fright
ened when he proposes?''
THAT" said the chronic bachelor, lis
his guardian angel trying to hold him
back"