Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-05-20
Before His Honor
Why the Prisoner Was
Discharged

ander Quade, already late for dinner,
was about to postpone the hearing
when his clerk whispered that the
charge was wife-beating and distur-
bance. This Intelligence made the
judge settle back in his seat again.
His honor took special delight in such
cases; never in the whole history of
MS Judicial career was prisoner
known to escape with less than the
extreme penalty.
The present culprit was suffering
from cold. The judge was in a like
predicament, and whenever the man
in the dock cleared his throat, the
judges bronchial tubes began to
tickle This caused him to treasure
up animosity against Lapidus before
the hearing began.
The fact, too, that the judges din
ner was waiting made the clerk, who
knew the judicial temperament, de-
eide that the reprimand which al
ways followed the imposition of the
extreme penalty would be we'll worth
hearing in this case.
Judge Quade's court was conducted
on most informal lines When the
charge had been read and the plea
entered, the magistrate called out:
Mrs. Julia Lapidus, stand up and
be sworn. You, too, Lapidus, get up
and swear. Administer the oath, Mr..
Clerk, and let's get the thing over
Now, Mrs. Lapidus, don't be afraid"
20, judge sighed the prosecuting
witness, I'm so frustrated This is
the first time I've ever been in court"
You should have come here long
ago. Does he abuse you much?"
mo, indeed; this is the first time
he ever had chance"
"Hum-m; sit down minute Well,
Lapidus, what have you to say? Do
you want to change your plea to gull
| ty,' and save timer"
He won't do it, your honor" ex-
| claimed his wife HE never would
for me about the simplest things, even
| when I'd catch him in the act'
| Come, come" growled the magis-
+! trate, make your confession"
The prisoner cleared his throat and
began: Last night l came home with
my head tied up-been. having cold
for two weeks-gegular grip-ringing
in the ears-pain in the head and
neck-eyes running-also nose-tick-
| ling sensation" He stopped to
| cough.
Here, here rubbing his eyes and
nose, and coughing in unison with the
prisoner, 81 don't care about the symp-
| toms. Go ahead"
when ! got home with my head all
tied up she came out in the kitchen
and said she had caller in the par
Tor. | asked who he was, and instead
of telling me, she went on about there
being monkey odor in the house.
church, and he's very high-church and
monky and thought at first that he
was making a CALL and that it was the
odor of sanctity she was talking
about
The wagging jaws of Mrs. Lapidus
grew articulate at this point and she
sprang up.
q didn't" she asserted. 81 said l
had supper in the parlor because there
was musty odor in the rest of the
house"
81 don't care what led up to the dis
turbance," cried the magistrate, black
browed with wrath Tell me the spe-
cific act of ill-usage, and let me get
this fellow sentenced and go home to
dinner"
20, can do that all right" ex-
| N, Ir e.,
get it as long as | live. Why. after
he choked me into swallowing that
dose ! was so sure I'd die the next
minute that | wrote to my sister to
come see that my bones We're laid to
rest in some reputable charnel house.
The judge leaned over to his clerk
and whispered:
perhaps | can hold this fellow for
attempted murder. Just get a com
mitment blank ready and make the
charge attempt to poison. Now
madam, go on"
Ever since Basil's been sick, I've
been depending on the neighbors fol
good, old-fashioned medicines to give
him Last night had a pint of real
good remedy I'd got from woman
who uses it for all her children, wheth
er they're six feet or only a span long
and"
Judge Quade held up his hand fol
silence. A strange emotion held him
in thrall
Never mind that commitment" he
said to his clerk. Nov, Lapidus, my
man, you finish the story"
There's not much to tell. For two
weeks the neighbors have been dosing
me with every known kind of root
herb, bark and berry, boiled, fried
and roasted; and when she had an
other brand ready for me last night
l just took hold and made her swal
low it herself And my colds beer
better ever since"
AS one in a dream the judge took
his overshoes from beneath his desk
and put them on. Courts adjourned,
he said. 20, excuse me, Mr.. Lapidus
l forgot you're discharged" And be
| L.