The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-08-22
BRINDLE COW
AND POLITICS
Vehement Stranger Makes
plaln the Connection
MAKES THE FIRST STEP
But Is Undone by a Combination of
Cows, Hemlock Lumber, Smoke
houses and a Red Bonnet
With Blue Feathers.
MAKES THE FIRST STEP
From the New York Sun.


of his countenance that 1t was startling,
who can tell me why it is that a fellow
citizens high ambition has got to be
sot down onto and the pole star Of his ex-
istence put in total eclipse because the
female sex is vain and man persists In
building smokehouse when he can buy
good ham fer 9 cents a pound?"
There was nobody present ready with
an answer. but the landlord said to the
vehement stranger that there was a
cheaper hotel up at the other end of
town. If the stranger heard the land
lords suggestion it did not appeal to
him. He took a long breath and burst
forth again:
Then it's plain to me that the news
Of Jake Coolies wife's red felt bonnet
wit hthe blue rooster tail in it and the
smokehouse Bill Hooper built hasn't got
over as far as this yet Has it7
The news was still due, so they told
him.
do you want to tell me, them" he ex-
claimed, that the news Of the pole star
Of my existence and Its total eclipse is
likewise as yet unbulletined, so to speak.
in this baniwick?"
They must have wanted to tell him so,
for they told him Nothing doing what
ever In pole stars of anybodys exis-
tence.
And yet" said the man. bitterly, they
boast to me that the telegraph and the
telephone and the newspaper have sent
the sewing society and the quilting bee
to a back seat BAIL Don't you spose
that II 1t had been left to the sewing
society or the quilting bee that you'd
have heard long before this how 1 went
to Bill Hooper almost with tears in my
eyes, knowing that he needed a roof on
his woodshed and his garden fence lacked
UP a good deal more than he needed a
smokehouse, and pleaded with him not
to do it? Don't your
No one seemed to care to commit him.
self
Don't you spose that II 1t had been
left to them," the vehement stranger per-
sisted they'd have spread the news
to you long ago that, although Jake
Coolies wife did have her heart wrapped
all around that red felt bonnet with the
blue rooster tail in it, she'd have had to
unwrap it If it hadn't been for Bill
Hooper's smokehousef
If you're waiting for the Pine Island
train 1t goes at 2:O7. It's 2;os1A now. My
watch is a little slow at that
The vehement stranger wasn't waiting
for the Pine Island train and time seemed
no object to him.
THAT for your telegraphs and your tel
ephones and your newspapers" he
said, with contemptuous snap Of his
fingers BAH Why, I'll bet hen that
they haven't got here yet with the news
even of how for something like 10 years
I had pinned to be constable Of the Huckle-
berry Hill. I'll bet hen they haven't!'
Somebody said something about some
folks always being ready to bet on a
sure thing, but the vehement stranger
did not heed 1t.
Yes" said he, land I'll double the
bet and throw in a. flock of ducks that
they are still shy In arriving with the
news that for 10 years my fellow citizens
persisted in lifting some one else to the
constable's office year after year. but
rallied as one man at the last election and
hoisted me to the placed What takers
do 1 hear for that?'
If he heard any he could hear a pin
drop in a boiler factory
TT wouldn't surprise me, though" said
he, "if they had got here with the news
before it was half minute old that some
folks make no bones Of saying that II
Sam Rigby, who was running for con-
stable against me, hadn't had a stroke
election morning and hauled off wouldn't
have been lifted in even that time II
wouldn't surprise nae a bit II they got
here quick with that kind o. newsl
The landlord said that 1t wouldn't have
surprised him either.
"But I would be surprised" continued
fba SIR had r.
news that scorned those folks and their
insinuations as / saw myself constable
and that ] unbosomed myself to my
friends and fellow citizens and said:
Constable amt the pole star Of my
existencel Not by a Jugful 1t ain'tl It's
only stepping stone It's sheriff next
and then Legislature That's what the
pole star OF my existence is, and II I
don't clutch 1t I'll eat the greaseri'
"I would be surprised, indeed" he ex-
claimed, "if they had added that news
to III"
Then he paused and pondered q while
and said:
Eyes, I told 'em that If I didn't clutch
1t ia eat the greaser. I ought to be a
man of my word. Have you q greaser
in the houseT'
The landlord said he had. but It wasn't
on the menu that day The stranger
unused a while and then exclaimed:
But how could l nave fOreSeen Jake
Coolies wifes red felt bonnet with the
blue rooster tail in It, and Bill Hooper's
smokehouse7 Somebody tell me how
could and hear the cash register jingler'
The man behind the counter looked 'em
over with a show Of pleasant expectation
that this inducement might prompt some
one to some plausible speculative opin-
ion at least, but none was vsntured. Tho
man behind the counter seemed dfsap-
pointed Tho vehement stranger didn't
He didn't even pause for reply, but
went right at his subject again.
"And can It actually be-" said he, that
I've had to bring the news over hero my
self that I'm charged with stealing a
brindle cowT'
The landlord suggested that maybe
the stranger had got "a hours the start
of EN- and kept right on going.
'That might explain II" said he.
Not to the strangers satisfaction EVIL
IDENTIFY. for he ignored It. and swapping
his finger contemptuously again said:
THAT for your telegraph, and your
telephone and your newspapers Listen
to me! When old man Frazer hired jake
Boble to tear down his old barn and take
his paw for It In the hemlock boards and
STUFF THAI came out of It the eclipse Of
the pole star Of my existence began.
1.-TWO dollars and At cents was the
spot cash price Polly sldggins, the
milIiner, wanted for the red felt bon
net with the blue rooster tail in II that
Jake's wife had her heart wrapped
around; but Jaks's wife didn't have the
81. A.. SO Polly said she'd take quart
of milk day from Jake's wife in pay.