The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-02-14

more unjust to this amiable char1ckter
 thin to suggist that he was an innimy ticed wan if th' frst principles iv re-
 ligion which is that tn good are bet ther dead. view with contempt tn fable that he pizened his mother. Tn discoveries In modhren science show that It's far more lkeiy she pershed I " appindicytis Besides tn family ties were much looser in those days. Moreover. let us be just an acknowl- I edge that in tn coorse W Nature, tn old lady had not much longer to live annyhows an sue may have been an exactin' housekeeper, while her Illus lthrees son had tn habits iv bachelor, which he was firm. time to time.' :. | -An' there ye are. Hinnissy. How do you know what Histhry is gofn' to say about these here stirrin' times that we're Twin in? A few thousands
 " years firm now . visitor firm New Zealand, as Hogan says, surveyin' tn
 rooms iv tn Fort wayne freight house firm broken arch fv Jackson sfhreet
 bridge, may run acrost aA-copy iv th' Daily Basoo an write a story iv tn state iv America in nineteen hundherd
 an nine: The principal occupations
 iv tn people were murdher. diFoorce.
 prize fightin'. s<lynchins. Marathon racin'. abduction, burglary an salomy-
 
 they cud Jay their hands on. A nay gur prize-fighter havin' batsn white prize-fighter an almost univarsai de- fnafd arose firm all classes f'r tn re- nowned James J.~Jeffries to issue firm tn secinsfon iy his saloon an put a
 head on tn senegambyan. So intent were th' people on their barbarous pastimes that tn full name iy tn prisi-
 dint at tn time has been lost. Ali tn q Il III n ao Ind d Hry4 Ia ha his name was Teddy an that he spint his time shootin' hippy pottymusses in Africa. lavin' tn conthrol is tn coun- thry to wealthy malyfactors who had put him into office. He was succeed ed by an effyminate charackter who is now recaped only because he con sumed forty cpposums Gan extinct marsoopyaD in forty consecutive days an played game called bumple-pup- py, which consisted in apparently pur- posely missing a small gutta perchy ball placed on a pile iv sand. All
 that is further known about this charackter is that he was called ''Big Hill," an is said to have weighed four
 tons. Tn most prominent citizens iv tn decayin' raypublic besides James ]. Jeffries were T. Longboat. Apdhrew Carnaygie, an Lydia Pinkham. Ivry-
 where was public an private corrup- tion. low ambitions an base amuse-
 ments But amidst tn riot iy corrup-s tfon . few points atand out fn coI-N temporary lithrachoor to show that
 there were pure men an women malgin'
 tn brave battle f'r tn human race. Tens iv thousands iv suffrin' people
 were cured iv incurabie diseases be
 usin' Befoolim. remedy enthrusted
 to tn wurruld be an old TDdyan herb
 doctor an mannyfecthered an sold be
 unknown philanthropists at a dollar a bottle. Miliyons iv dollars were given away annually by tn promoters
 iv mining schemes: an there arose in tn city iv Chicago. as if to shame his venal surroundings, pathrite who
 worked so unseifishiy in tn cause iv civic purity that he won tn affec-
 donate surname iv tn Bath House,
 "AE' that's histhry Hinniasy. Ys can't tell what it'll say about ye. Ye can't tell who'll be up in it and whom
 be Jown. So 1t is with tn heroes. Tn
 name on tn electhric light sign lasts
 a week or two an thin it goes out an
 another name appears. ain't goin' to say annything against ye'er former frind Blinns or Blnns or whativer his
 name was He was all right. He was
 a hero That is to say, mind ye, he
 was tiliygraft op'ratQr who in th'
 face iv danger wint on bein' tllIy-
 graft op'rator. Tn captain iv tn ship was a hero too. He acted like tn
 captain iv tn ship. Tn cabin passen- I gers were heroes: they behaved in all respects like cabin passengers. All
 honor, says I to- th' brave cabin pas 1 sengers that gathered in their pyjamaa 1 on tn deck iv tn Republic an didn't
 let on whether they, were wondhrin' whether women hasn't advanced enough to take a chance gettinse into tn boats, Heroes all says T. Sthrange I A. kshowed much courage an tn steernge passengers. apparently sthruck power l less be terror kept their places >Ivry- body got off th' boat in ordher- promynade deck ladies first.--promy- made deck gents next: saloon ladies.
 saloon gents; second class ladies, sicond class gents; steerage ladies, steerage gents No wan faltered: ivrybody got off as soon as he was let except tn captain an he come off as
 6 captain shud hanging to a spar.
 MO. sir; I'll not attimpt to follow all th' heroes that comes up. They kmove too fast fsr me. To my way fy. thinkin' tn ewurruld is full ig thin. know lots iv heroic tillygrast op'rators who wud rather amuse thimsiIYss sind In somebody else's; Have missed thrain; will be home tomorrow; love an, kisseA Pop thin be idle an won Ns-NAts ACW SAOy Nu0 Squ6fU NuAuKS with their own wives. They're heroes
 Ye an Congress are both proud iv yes frind BInns, or ye were. But what tn divvle is a tillygraft op'rator to do at time like that but tn on'y thing he can do7 If he'd gone up on tn bridge to advise tn captain he'd been kicked dowR stairs an if he'd thried to help out with tn injines tn chief injyneer wud've walloped him over tn head with a monkey wrench. So he stayed where he belonged an done his l wurruk. He felt safer there thin he wud anywhere. Wilbur Wright wud be scared to death if he was tendin' I bar in this place whin big Olson come l in on a tear but I am cam because I | know where I can lay me hands on a | few argymints that Olson undher. | stands. But I wudden't feel safe In I amy circumstances in Wilbur Wright's | aeroplane. Take me in a place know l an. I'm as brave a man as iver got his | pitcher in tn pa-aper. Take me where | i don't know tn names iv tn cross sthreets an tn crack1e tv a leaf will | sind a chill up me back. wudden't dare to walk in Michigan booiyvaFd | be night. I wudden't know what mo- ment a banker might rush out an fell I me to th' ground. But I'll walk down Halsted sthreet whistfin': Tn Rocky ] Road an niver wanst look behind me. |
 "As Hogan says, Wrynan is a hero excipt thim that have vallays. If ye |