The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1909-02-24
DRIFTWooD
The real Marathon runners are those
in the pursuit of happiness.

+.
The real Marathon runners are those
In the pursuit Of happiness.
Some men imagine they are having .
they are only storing UP heat for the
hereafter.
The only way to have absolutely
pure milk Is to boil the COW.
In a village choir the best singer al
ways imagines she sings better In
new hat.
When a man lets only his money DO
worry him ovsrmuch with her jawing.
The difference between !. Job and 2
position II that the man with the Job
doesn't ows nearly 80 much.
Many are Of the opinion that II the
same White House barber shtves BIZ
Taft he ought to charge more as there
is more surface to cover ~
Mr.. Taft made two calls to the white
House Tuesday. He couldn't get
through the front door the first time
we presume and stood out In the yard
and hollered Hello" the second time.
King Edward Is said to have tainted
the other day while conversing with .
German princess. what startling fem
mime truth could she have revealed
Something anent dress. no DOUBT
OF the making Of books there Is no
end anywhere except At the race track.
Racing as far a. horses are concerned
will. soon be a thing Of the past
rbA na.,h cron 4. .a,d tn be safe.
The kind that grow ON trees and the
Kind that grow on good montgomery
a politician" says The Columbus Led
ger. That's a hard thing TO- s9y Of .
FELLOW just a. he is retiring from
The grand stand and grounds Of the
Philadelphia American ball team cost
100000, but the Philadelphia fans can't
get any more enthusiastic when the
team wins than can Montgomery
Editor Pulitzer says ROOSEVELT = an
incident: The World 10 an institution"
Now. oh LordA can we consider the In
Texas. Is soon to have q hnmming-
bird banquet. This IL evidently not
Bid for Mr.. Taft, as such q small bird
as that should not figure on = TAFT
menu.
The great white fleet presented
magnificent spectacle as It steamed IN
to port. covered with glory and .'hlled
with barnacles" as an onlooker puts It.
The special session of Congress will
convene so shortly after the adjourn
ment OF the present regular session
that the members will scarcely have
time to go home. Mr.. Taft will have
to be plunged right into trouble the
frst thing.
An Evansville woman was attacked
by a dog the other day, the beast mis-
taking the lynx-head on her expensive
furs for tive animal This should
A barber IL not always as sharp as
his razor. though he frequently thinks
he Is.
Anticipation is thirds Of . wo-
mans existence.
A decided blonde is sometimes un-
decided.
Practice makes perfect-sometimes
lessons.
It looks as though the smaller wo-
man is the bigger boss she Is over hes
husband.
There is a certain age az which q
boy had rather be ring master In Z
circus than anything else In the world
The weather in Congrsss will prob.
only Just begun"
When you tell some people that Il ID
fine day they invariably reply. Oh
1t win probably rain tomorrow"
A man never looks quite 50 much like
he Is henpecked as when he ties or
an apron and sits down to churn and
rock the cradle both at the same time
Cheer up. II your boy refuses tc
learn to read and write and insists or
growing UP in ignorance perhaps he
may grow into useful citizen and
Through the Mailbag.
LaPine. Ala, Feb. 10. 1909.
Dear Drtftwood:
lege. I am 10 years old land am II
the 9Th and 9Th grade. The school hal
chosen up into four classes for speak
ing every Friday evening. am or
Mr.. stapieton's side and i want t.
speech for Jerre bowling ct Ozark
Won't you write me one! A funny one
Put II in The Advertiser. I will get 1t
yours Felix .Idss ranksrsley.
Bill Roden wuz a lazy sort O. cuss;
Never known ter do a lick o. work.
Mos ginner'lly loafin' round or in 4
Honest labor he wuz wont ter shirlx
An Bill wuz often maxim this remark
As how "he didn't want his kids tel
rhet their poor daddy killed his sell
When he at last had come ter pas
away.
Bill said.
Everybody in our little town
Kinder fixed him fer his low-dowi
ways,
Bill Roden.. he wuz known fer mile
aroun'
on lection days.
mind the many times rye seen oil
shambIin'. lazylike. along tn street
His hands thrust in his pockets--yes
Ihear him. ter tn first man say he''
"Gimme chaw terbacker~
Bill. he cussed a whole chromatic scale
With expression, like musicians pla!
a strain,
When his candidate ter win tn rae
would fail.
An his predictions had all prove'
in vain.
Fer Bill, he alters dabbled in polite
| An tn man wuz doomed who hi
vote didn't git.
les like his vote wuz worth bout 81,
Times as much as any, other man
yit!