The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-06-04
DAILY SHORT STORY
J. scHWARZ, AMERICAN

When ]. Schwarz, the grocer,
first came to the land of the free
and the home of the brave he was
an ardent hater of all govern
ments. The htime came, however,
when blind Mr. Cupid winged a
love tainted arrow through the
stacks of Scrubolio and Sogood bis
suits into the heart of the grocer.
1t was love at first sight, clear and
unmistakable; but when Mr..
,, Schwarz went wooing. Miss Amelia
Green gently shook her head.
NO" she answered, my father
fought at Gettysburg; my grand
father stormed Chapultepec; his
father was at Lundy's Lane, and
back of that there were continent
al gentlemen at Trenton and York
town and Saratoga Heights. And
YOU are not even an American, Mr..
| Schwartz
Herr SchwarZ protested guttur-
ally. He loved Miss Amelia and
he believed she returned his affec-
ton. What were countries and gov
ernments to love? For his part he
didn't believe in governments any
Don't believe in government"
Miss Amelia almost screamed.
Then we are not for each other.
am an American"
but love undt.affection-"b began
Herr Schwarz.
Love nothing!" snapped Miss
Amelia. Il love my country"
After that, the little lady cooled
a bit and proceeded to instruct
Herr ,Schwarz in the beauties of
free government. Soon he regard
ed things in a different light, and
the emblems he had reviled took
on cleaning glory. Bunker Hill
--Lincoln--the battleship Maine
congress and the constitution-he
came to worship with absolute
idoltary. He boycotted all but
American goods. and made. pa
triotic speech at the anti-every-
thing club, until the reds" chased
him from the hall with scraps of
furniture. Then, burning with
love of country, he proposed to
MISS Amelia again.
"Himmel! Am | not one goot
Americana" he urged.
But still Miss Amelia shook her
head. NO. she answered. You
are a beautiful parrot. Herr
Schwartz; but you are not an
American" And Herr Schwartz re-
turned in sadness to the grocery.
1t was the following week that
the male residents of the block
gathered around his stove to dis
cuss the doings of the new con-
gress. They were tense, full
blood Americans all.
mo use talking" observed John
Jones. the carpenter. "The coun-
try is going to the bow vows"
Zach, Jones! You are crazi-
ness!" demurred Herr Schwartz.
you are dead right, Jones'" as
scented Bill Smith, the dry goods
j clerk. Trace patriotism down and
1t ends In selfishness every time"
"Dunder undt blitzen!' cried the
grocer, Don't you say dot two
times alretty!"
| VII, idtS, OCHWditA. uIdWlcu
Perkins, the wit OF the circle. "The
government is rotten as one OF your
Vienna sausages!" And all the
circle laughed boisterously.
Herr Schwartz said no more. He
only picked up the funny Perkins
and threw him into the gutter.
Then he tossed Smith. the sales.
man. into the street; threw Jones,
the carpenter. into neighbours
yard. and returned to find the other
tense Americans had vanished. But
to his surprise Miss Amelia was
standing by his big scales regard
Ing him with strange, tender light
In her eyes.
II saw and heard ALL" she said
| "You are an American, Mr.
Schwartz--an American. Do you
understands"
"Oh, yah!" cried Herr Schwartz
Nov we get married, amt It? Hur,
rah. der stars undt Stripes! Hur,
rah--liberty--der bald eagle undt
lofe!"
Then he kissed her to celebrate
hts naturalization.