The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1909-01-02
vAGAR1Es OF PSEUDO SCIENTISTS.

A certain college professor has stated that
balloons in Africa pull teeth So he has been
quoted in the daily press. The aforesaid state
ment is no to the writer. | remember a
monkey-faced dentist who one day tried to pull
one of mine | say tried, because this two-legged
baboon to whom [ have reference made such a
botch of the Job that it could not be called sue
cess by any means. In fact, it seemed though
he was endeavorng to murder l not
really sure whether he was jackass a simple
simian, but he certainly did torture me. He had
missed his vocation
Mr.. College Professor need not go to Africa to
find balloons pulling teeth and doing lots of other
stunts, too, According to the iar-us theory of the
descent of man which | read not long ago, and
which Jared me considerably, Almighty God made
the first balloons in the Garden of Eden. Adam
was the balloons and Eve was the babooness, and
God commanded them not to eat OF the fruit of
one particular tree-probably a cocoanut tree
but the serpent tempted them and they did eat.
Now the Creator, coming and finding what they
had DONE exceedingly angry, saying to them,
according to the iar-us theory: II made you two
happy balloons, but because you have disobeyed
me in this matter, I will now make you of diff
ferent shapes altogether. | will make you human
beings, the Myself, and you will both have
to work for your living" When Adam and Eve,
the two original balloons, heard this dreadful SEN
tence they were filled with dismay and horror.
Adam pleaded strenuously to God not to do such
a terrible thing and let them remain balloons, but
his solicitation of avail, because the Su-
preme Sovereign was too determined and was griev-
ously offended besides. So human beings they be-
came, and very sad state they had fallen into
Adam very much wounded in spirit because
he had lost his beautiful baboon shape, and he
said to Eve: Future scientists will call us the
missing link, and that grieves me more than all
else"
Why not let us be sincere and carry out this
IN re r11Sio
Whatever our forebears were, the descend
ants. If they were missing links of the same hab-
its and shapes of simians, then so are we. The
developing change of form alters the case
not one bit If our ancestors were animal shaped,
then our mothers, wives, sisters and children are
no better than the dogs of the street If God did
not make the first father and mother of the human
race, there is moral law. The doctrine of doing
right for rights sake is absolute rot and obnoxious
humbug man would be an ignorant fool to
deny himself any pleasure his flesh crayed if there
exist no paradise and no hell. Now, God Furnishes
for moral violations, sending us for that pur-
pose all manner of misfortunes i'll the shape of
mental and physical sufferings and we know in our
own heart that He does So but under the simian
theory of mans origin we have perfect right to
indulge in any pleasure the flesh Graves and there
is one to punish us for doing whatever we like,
matter how Infamous Surprising this monkey
business to be all right, we should begin political
keyesses, the tariff is not an ISSUE" etc. Let US
not monkey with the Philippines"
Let human beings take hope for if we have
developed from such things as protoplasns and
balloons, wo nay yet become elephants. God
knows No one really believes in these idotic the
cries of IReudo scientists but willfuly blind beings,
who. when they die, Almighty God should, as
poetic justice for beittling His sacred image,
make into real monkeys, balloons. horses and dogs.
King David says in one of his psalms with bit
and bride bind fast their jaws who come not near
unto Thee So who knows but when the stub
born ignorant followers of ridiculous teachers die
grafton of souls is true of the damned they richv
deserve it. for they lead many from the heights of
heaven to the depths of perdition who might other
wise have entered into eternal rest but for the
wolves in sleeps clothing that were a stumbling
block in this world. Many there are who sleep
in the dust of the earth" SAYS Daniel of the Jews
"Some shall arise unto life eternal and many unto
reproach to see it always"
Chose that lead many to justice shall shine
like stars for all eternity says Isaias; and there
are demons in the shape of rats, cats, serpents and
all manner of hideous creeping spirits of squirm
ing, nameless things, crawling continuously and
forever through the mouths and nostrils of the
souls of those who in this life robbed the toiler of
his wage the widow and the orphan of their daily
bread and spent their time in crushing the laborer
in the dust, doing out injustice to their fellow
men, in Satan's everlasting kingdoms of the God
haters, says the writer. RICARDO.