The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-07-14
to look at the ceiling for the first time

to look at the ceiling for the first time
In fifteen years. My aunt had II
short leg. resulting from a broken hip.
She used the bowl"aged remedy. II
1T either pulled the short leg down or
the long leg up. and within a week she
attended q country dance and led in
Money Musk" l don't claim that my
remedy Will cure all such cases as
hers, as her being a relative probably
had much to do with it. but it's a sure
thing on the others.
A bowlegged man sees and falls in
love with a handsome girl. He would
go counting but for his legs. He real
lies that he has no show whatever. A
young man in the bloom of health and
full of ambition would like to be elect
ed to the legislature. Alas. he is bow.
backed. He would be called a crook
even before he took his seat. He must
poke along as he is-that is, it has
gone that way for 1900 long years.
but need go that way no longer. Fifty
cents a bottle. and one bottle does for
the legs and backs Of an average fam.
lily.
While all my remedies are on sale at
respectable drug stores. I am still trav.
cling over the country with my outfit.
BUY OF me when you a and thus pre.
vent mistakes. You also help the hea.
Their In buying Of me. I have Il regular
book account with the heather and set.
tie up with him every Saturday night.
Such patrons as get external and in
ternal mixed up must take their own
risks.
Two weeks ago my outfit of moving
pictures which do move met with grief
while being exhibited at the town of
Happy Day. The name of the town
signifies that it is a happy day when
n gets out Of 1t. l thought | had q
large and cultivated audience. but soon
found myself mistaken. l was show.
Ing a picture Of Faith kneeling at the
foot Of the cross when a bad q in
the audience claimed that Faith was
his runaway wife and demanded to
know her whereabouts. After some
difficulty I %pursuaded him that he was
mistaken, but there was more trouble
ahead. When l showed the picture of
George Washington there were cheers
for Washington. Napoleon and Colum.
bus. l attempted to set the factions
right when a free for all fight tool
place. and the tent was torn down and
much damage done.
A Happy Statement.
I am happy to make the statement
here that all is we'll again. l have not
only patched up the mangled remains
OF Faith and Washington. but have
several entirely new views. One of
them is a view Of a silver mine in the
west which has millions Of tons Of the
richest ore in sight, but whose stock
a be bought for II cents on the dol
lar. With the picture Of the mine I
also show the picture Of the man who
owns 1t. 1t is said to be even better
than the one at police headquarters in
Denver.
l also show an eAtirely new picture
OF Columbus discovering America. He
stands with one foot ON the deck Of his
vessel and the other on the bulwarks,
and h smile III his face is like mo-
lasses on buckwheat cakes. He has
uone something smart and knows it.
Old Cabot will dispute the honors with
him later on. but Christopher seems
to realize that all true Americans will
stick by him.
y third picture is ex-President Roose-
welt leaving the White House after
serving his second term. He left that
my artist might take his picture and
that he might get to Oyster Bay and
have some oysters. There is no shad-
ow Of regret on his face. On the CON
trary, he seems to be saying: "Goodby,
you blamed old rookery. Goodby. For
aker, Tillman and Bailey All other
shows, whether secular or religious,
are cautioned not to use this picture
without permission.
1t should be understood by the pub
lie that there is nothing in my exhibit
tons to bring on brainstorms or total
depravity. Elders Of churches have
not gone away after viewing them
and robbed %henroosts, and members
of legislatures have sold their votes
previous to admission and have moth
ing to lose.
Watch for Pilgrim Joe and his RENE
dies and free exhibitions. If the one
won't cure you, the other will. If both
fail, then nothing ais you and the bur
den IS off your mind.