davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
AHirfor
EvcryHssd
VOL. III. NO. 81.
EVERY SATURDAY.
Our Motto; II you sec il In The Big
Sticl,. IL len { necessarily 50.
BASEBALL.

This is the season Of the year
when the Big Stick feels Il a sol
cmn duty to Dromulgate It's annual
cheerful and optimistic editorial
concerning the baseball situation
and washington's relations thereto
Tho fact that the Washington
team winds up the season at the
tail end Of the percentags table
should In no wise discourage US or
lead ne 10 think harshly or IN
kindly Of the players or the man
agement- While We regret TO 70
port that this is Washingtons
'steenth appearance at the foot OF
the class. We arc frm In the Be
lief that we shall have a tine team
next year-ons that viii sweep all
things before It and finish up the
proud posssssor Of that little slip
Of bunting so dear 70 the heart Of
fandom-
We are obliged 70 have a fine
team next year. and a winner. We
cannot help Il. We have been having
one next year FOR 50 long that tho
mind Of tho Oldest living dopesmith
recalls no contrary state q affairs
The triaing Circumstances that next
year-like to-morow-has never yet
arrived. surely docs not argue. be-
yond all possible argument, the
conclusion that It never will ar
rive. A great poet has pointed out
that even the mysterious and fatally
alurIng songs the sirens sang are
not beyond all possibility Of hu-
man conception and determination
and 50, we should not permit our
selves 20 think the day win never
cone when the championship en-
blem viii float gandly from the
apex Of the Monument OF the dome
Of the Capitol
Be still. sad hearts, and casa -
pining:
Behind the clouds the suns SIN
shining.
Thy fate is the same old fate this
fanI
Thy players could. but wouldn't,
play bali
And tho day Is dark and dreary.
But cheer up Take it from us
and paste Il in your hat:
Washington viii have a fine team
next yearl
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
The Hen Sat Tight.

From the Cresco IA.l Tines.
Last Tuesday morning Howard Coun-
~ farmer hitched to the single buggy
he had not used for some time and
hurriedly drove TO Cresco for groceries.
When the grocer appeared on the street
with arms heaping full Of packages and
raised the cover TO store the goods under
the buggy seat from the rear he espied
a Biddy complacently holding down a
claim she had pre-empted on the buggy
box reservation. What are Won going
TO Go with this hen7" querled the grocer.
"WhewT calculated the farmer. 81 don't
know anything about a hen" We'll
heres a hen. just the same" replied the
grocer, and waited for the farmer to
come and adjust matters. Sure enough,
there sat Mrs. Plymouth r. Hen. incubat-
Ing nest Of eggs. She preserved a calm
and undisturbed repOse that was IN
broken by discovery and the noisy merrI-
ment Of observers, and returned home as
she came
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
WASHINGTON. OCTOBER 9. 1909.
RANDOM FoRCETs ALL ELSE,
POLITICAL POINTS.

7. Roosevelt still has many warm
friends left in this country. as be
doubtless viii opine when he comes
sailing home.
B. PenroSe. Of Pennsylvania, Is
going 10 have a birthday on No
gember / Il IS given out on high
authority. however. that he is not
going 10 invite r. La Follette 20
his party.
W. Ran. Hearst has not yet de-
cided whether TO enter the New
York mayoralty contest. II Is
whispered that he does not think
recounts are what they are cracked
up 20 DO. anyway.
W. Jenn. Bryan has refused %
debate with Senator Joe Bailey. W.
J. Z. thinks he knows enough to
get in out Of the rain without the
assistance Of any Grand Old Texas
umbrella.
An Iowa wag says VIII II. Taft
apparently finds IL easier 20 swal-
low canels and strain at Enats for
the Sake Of party solidarity" than
he does 10 swallow pate dc foie
gras and caviar for the sake Of his
stomach.
J. Harmon, Of Ohio. seems TO
think he hears a mighty busy little
bee buzzing around his head. 4,
Park1r. of Esopus, n. Y. ought 20
have been ashamed Of himself 20
laugh right cut loud when tins news
reached him.
j. Cannon is believed TO be pre-
pairing a speech for delivery in Con
gross next winter that win wake
things up-oh, my They say that
man can let lot Of pestifer0us
cats out Of the bag II be feels
moved TO DO II.
J. Gnggs. Of Georgia. has threat
cned 10 punch a felloW-CrackeT 5
face for saving Jim sold on" 10
Uncle Joe" last spring. Jeems
should remember that the serving
Of punches IS a violation q the
local prohibition law.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
ESKIMOSAIC

"A little lgloo. now and then,
ia relished BY the EskimenS-
Nashville TenneSsean.
A little seaweed. fresh and cool.
il relished by the Eskimule.
A little shoestring. now and then.
IS relished by the ESkihen.
A little candle. well chopped up.
IS reliShed by the Eskipup.
A little jug O. doubtful run IS
relished by the Eskibum.
A little blubbcr. slick and Fat, Is
rclished by tho Eskirst.
A little flirting IN The shade IS
relished by the Eskilaid.
A little chance his work 10 shirk
IS rclished BY the Eskiclcrk.
A little giImmeT of the moon IS
relished by the Eskispoon.
A little place his head 70 bump
Is rclished b. the Eskichump.
And
Somewhere IN this a little sense
would be. egad. Just EsSimense J
]. CECIL HOOE.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
FAMILIAR MUSIC.

FAMILIAR MUSIC.
The radiator pipes a lay
That speaks Of fall.
necessarily II croons away
Against the wall
And now and then It seems to stop
To gather steam;
Then rises TO a truly op-
cratic scream.
It's minor note does not offendi
But few delights,
frankly must admit. attend
It's higher flights.
The radiator lacks the skill
For classic parts;
But may, in plain homo vaudeville.
Win human hearts.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

That Kansas City man who recently re-
nounced the ministry to become a street
car conductor probably VIII do 20 watch
He says he did 1t because he found that
II is an impossibility TO be q minister and
an honest man simultaneously.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
A Keen English La.

Here IS a tale OF an English lad that
savors OF Yankee enterprise. He was
discovered by a London traveller at a
small railway station in the west country
The train stopped for two minutes. and
the boy was seen idling on the platform
He was hailed and a sixpence given 20
him, with the order 20 run over 70 the
refreshment room and get a bath-bun.
Buy one for yourself and bring me
the change" added the passenger. The
boy came back munCh!ng his bun. He
surprised the gentleman by returning
fourpence. They had only one bun left
sir" he said. And the train steamed
briskly away.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

"A Boston politician talked twelve hours
the other day without letting his audience
Knoxville Sentinel. We infer from this
that he did the talking in New York.
Philadelphia. or some other unpublished
community.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
TWO CENTS
Drawn BY General Fsn Edwards
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE,


Charlie Berry prefers an Automo-
bile to an aerUplsne. The auto
can stop more easily and more fire.
Quently.
A. Lisner. n order to avoid the
excitement usual 20 Washington
city, New Yorked FOR several days
last week.
CHI Bergman ard 'Foto'' HAr-
us slept on a cot in the grand
stand at Pittsburg. 50 as 10 be
early at the game.
Chief Clerk Ludlow. Of the Treas
ury Department, dismissed his
clerks al o'clock % enable them
to hear tae returns from the ball
game.
X. Golden Donaldson Is busy
preparing the address TO be deliv-
cred at the LAYING Of the corner
stone Of the new Columbia C0un-
Try Club house.
Fred Sidd0ns is a fun-nedged Cd
timist. and wears the button He
says the Washington baseball team
VIII be IN seventh place next year
Il nothing happens
In answer 10 innumcrable IN
Quirics the Big Stick announces
that the original Megsphone Man
Is neither John j. Nolan nor J.
Thilman HcndnCk.
Phil Roman, Of New York. with
hts fuN head Of hair and hts usual
jollity. called on the Big Stick
stan this week, passed the time Of
day, and Othez things.
Charley DOuglas and Charley Ian
caster were seen in earnest CONVEX
sation on Fifteenth street recently.
The words hat bands" passed be-
tween them frequently.
Eddie Walsh has registered a bet
that the Detroits viii make a bet
tcr average in the worlds series
than the Washington team made
during tho whole season.
Prof. Emery Wilson. principal Of
the Central High School, announces
that he has left a few pictures OF
himself standing In borrowed au-
tomobile in tho recent auto riOral
parade.
Paul II. Tanpiet. one Of the Fiji
tcenth street maleiactors. has va
Gated his Offices and viii spend two
wecss Ia Kentucky, the land Of
beautiful women. inc hcrses, ard
good Wy Pau, however. is
prohibiu0nist.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

A Georgia minister advances the sug-
gestion that the State institute a rigid
quarantine against all shipments OF in
toxicating liquors from the outside.
Likely as not the Georgia moonshiners
VIII favor this idea.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Birthday Greetings.

Prom The Washington Tines
Congratulations are in order for our
esteemed contemporary, The Washington
Herald, on the occasion Of IT'S third an
niversary. It IS 70 be hoped that It's
future wiz be as successful as It's brief
but brilliant past.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
OERrru1Pd.

From the Detroit Free Press
A justice of the Supreme Court OF New
York declares that a wife Is not entitled
10 more than half what her husband
earns, but, bless your heart. what account
does the average woman take OF the
things a mere Judge may say?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

'The addition Of ice or water TO shueked
oysters is an adulteratlon, and unlawful"
rules the Ohio state board Of health.
Does the milkman not see a little cloud
on the horizon. no bigger than a mans
hand?
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Nay Help Consumer.

From The Charleston News and Courier.
The price OF watches has been ad-
vanced. We presume that this IS be-
cause the Republican party wished to
give the consumer the opportunity OF
pawning his for more.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Mr.. AIdrIch Explains.

From the New York Journal o. Oo-arerco.
Senator Aldrich has been explaining bis maximum
nate deTico in Paris and is reported to have sllayed
French lDpTchensOns in great measures but IN doing
50 10 has disclosed the tremendous and onsrous dis
c-rtion The law imposes upon tho President
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

From the Chicago Record Herald.
Wright has flown above the water distances az
great as that across the English Channel he had
gone at an average speed Of PISS miles per hour
ND the river and at an average sped Of 43G miles
down the river. Tho general average was equal to
that Of an express train.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Every time our accumulated woes SEEM
ingly become more than We can bear,
Mr.. George Barr MCCutcheon comes along
with new "Graustarl" novel, and our
optimism IS restored because Of the
knowledge that we do not have to read II.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Once upon midnight. Peary.
While he wandered weak and weary,
Felt anon a faint aud furious
Crouch rise ND TO make him sore.
While the world 20 Cock vas focking
suddenly De gan % knocking.
Knocking like an awful bore.
From the way that he's behavin'.
Some declare. he'll stop hts ravin'
Never more
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Mrs. Annie Besant says everybody
Will be wealthy 1000 years from now"
However, you cannot discount your share
OF this promised prosperity, no matter
how liberal the terms you offer.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Since It has been discovered that Gen.
Fred Grant favors the restoration Of
the army canteen. we fear the untra-
prohibitionists will conclude that he is
not entitled to more than one wing and
half a halo pending further considera-
tfOu
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
ACRIMONTl

That the acrimony with which
PCary regards Cock is mild COM
pared with the resentment Director
Santelinann feels toward Dr.. Tin
dali for abiding to the Marine
Band as the professors foot en-
sambIe."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Sad Limitations.

From the Chicago Tribune
Customer-What a beautiful parroH Is
he a good talker?
Bird Dealer-Yes, ma'am: but his vo-
cabulary is limited. He doesn't swear,
and he doesn't use slang.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

States might emulate this worthy ex-
ample, much TO the delight Of its many
friends. now and then. but Il probably
will not.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Mr. WI thinks we have had the last
great war on earth II Mr.. WI happens
around this town the next time the
d. A Rters meet in national convention.
Il Is an easy money bet he viii change
his mind.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

The ice trust in New York is to be put
on trial for conspiracy. This will so In
terest the public that it will be expected
to forget al about the grand, gloomy,
and peculiar things the coal trust is do
ing 10 Il.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
~ In n Flat

From the Ladies Home Journal
Hello. Tom. old man, got your new fat
fitted I'D YETI
Not quite" answered the friend. SAY
do you know whore I can buy q fielding
tocthbrush?"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Gov. wilson's Duty.

From the Springfield Union.
The duty Of Gov. Wilson, a. n has been from
the beginning, is 10 assert the authority that no
possesses TO put an end 70 night rider crimes Al
any cost.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Gov. Hurhen surnrinnd.

From the New York Sun.
How surprised Gov. Hughes must have been %
know that Il was Herbert Parsons incurabie and
unquenchins devotion to him that proved the IN
doing Of one gallant local leader.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Mr.. AIdrich's Central Bank.

From the Philadelphia Pres
The Aldrch central bank protect IS nov before the
country. Every banker Is studying f. Every bust
ness man Of largo interests OF small II considering
IL No ono Is yet ready for decision
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Mr.. Penrose's Familiar Plea.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
Senator Penrose's address to the textilo workers
IN 'Ken6ington has no reference % the local cam-
paign-eHceVt the old plea. a. closing TO stand by
the party and defend the tGnf. This is plea long
familiar In Philadelphia
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

One OF the delightful things about
pemmican is that you use a mallet and a
chisel instead OF a knife and fork when
you sit down to eat a portion.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

SO far as the truthfulness Of Laugh
and the world laughs with your Is con-
cerned, Mr.. Taft may conclude eventually
that it does not apply altogether to the
Middle West. at least.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

"Can Theodore Roosevelt prove that
ne discovered African" inquiries the
Cleveland Leader. II he says he d!d. he
will not have to prove It.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Old DR.. Cooks method of fixing the
mental attitude Of the public seems 10
be all right, but he must admit that Prof.
Pearys insurgical interference helped
things along mightlly
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

We regard It as quite a happy circum-
stance that the present indian summer
runs not at all to the Crazy Snake and
Sitting Bull variety.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
which il Whichf

From the Atlanta Constitution.
Bailey and Bryan debate would be a
good example Of an irresistible force
coming in contact with an immovsbIs
body.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Between the highbrow scientists and
tho highball scientists. the truth Of the
Cook-Peary controversy will be forever
hopelessly muddled in all probability.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
DeliRhtfu1 shoppfnr.

To squander money by the bale
And wildly buy
II I could End a bargain sale
OF remnant pie.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Go West young MANI Or go South,
or East. or North. You cannot very
well miss it in this great country. II
you have the right sort Of stuff in YOU.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
DIR. LoweII's View of Duty,

From the Boston TlansTipt
We arc hero for our time o1icers and students
alike. President Lowell told the students IN tho
stadium. but We nTe hero also-and the tooes Of his
rich and expressive voice dcep-ned-for thoes who
shall come after US
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

a Pennsylvania CRATER recently round
ed UP in Burkville has been sent to Jail.
Good scheme, That beats sending him
TO the Legislature.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Matt Henson made a clean and undis-
puted getaway with all the seal-brown
glory attaching and appertalning 70 the
north pole discovery. anyway.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Ono Reason.

Look at that team OF horses trotting
along sedately. Why can't men and
women get along as nicely in double
harness?"
We'll. the men won't wear binders
Must rubber at the other girls"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Maxine Elliott IS reported TO resent
being called King Edwards summer girl -
From which we infer that the fair Max
ines press agent is not at all averse 20
making little hay while the sun shines.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Mr.. Booth Harrington believes there
is money in raising chickens" Mr.. Tark-
ington is better writer than Judge o,
fiction. we suspect.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

"A physician says that saving wood
is a splendid remedy for govt" says the
Dayton News. The trouble about that Is
so few people with the govt ever learned
10 saw wood
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
BY Degrees.

Hubby DO you like my new hatr'
II guess I can learn to like IT," answer
ed hubby, after viewing the latest fall
effect.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
Nothing Long.

You say the new minister is extremely
POPULAR
Yes; he breaches sermonettes."
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

The English Parliament has been ad-
journed for one week IN order to avoid
unseemiy discussion OF certain pending
legislation. The Congress Of the United
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Here is cure for both alcoholism and
the drug habit. 1t is announced by Dr.
Alexander Lambert. OF the Cornell Medl-
cal College, who has experimental with
many cases at Bellevue Hospital No mat
ter how much a slave 10 those habits
the subject may have become, DR.. Lam
bert believes he can restore VIII power
and self-respect IN as brief a period as
five days. He does not imperil the ethics
Of the profession by advertising this as
a secret process. The ingredients Of the
remedy are tincture Of belladonna, fluid
extract OF prickly ash. and fluid extract
OF hyoscyamus. which. mingled in the
proper proportions, VIII eradicate the
craving which has ruined so many lives
and homes.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
One Problem.

what's that fellow been puttering over
all these years?"
Trying TO find some use for the burnt
Matches
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
An Expensive Production.

storm in the third act"
Yes explained the manager. Il
bought that snow when white paper was
not so high as it is now
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
CHAT OF THE FORUM.

Mr.. Fairbanks Abroad.
From the Atlanta Constitution.
Mr.. Fairbanks tour OF Europe Is as quiet as his
career was as Vice President Of this republic.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
MIR. Livingatone,s rroublo.

From the Springfield Republican
Congressman Leouidas LATingstOne. OF Georgia for
supporting Speaker Cannon. nov has to face IN his
own district the cry Of party treason But Georgia
may not care.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
A Mean Thrust.

I've closed my restaurant for re-
pairs and Improvements"
Going to renovate the sandwichosT'
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Dope springs eternal in the baseball
pest.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09
PEOPLE AND THINGS


Diamonds More Costly.
More than half d million dollars is the
value OF the diamonds imported into this
country In September. One Of the I'm
porters in New York City said that deal
ers throughout the country had depleted
tier stocks in the last two years. and
that whereas there is no unusual demand
at present, importers are stocking I'D
heavily In anticipation Of a big demand
later In the season. He said that he had
just received a letter from abroad which
informed him that the accumulated stock
of rough diamonds has been wiped out by
the active buying OF American importers.
The demand for good stones has enabled
the diamond syndicate gradually TO in
crease It's prices. three increases OF about
o per cent having been announced on the
finer stones since the early part Of the
year,
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-09

Read Bingvillu Bugle tomorrow.