davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

good all through to meet some one who
recognized the good points of good ma
chine at once; he said not one man in a
thousand had brains enough TO know
good machine when he was in IT, and that
ne was .overioyed 10 have accidentally met
the one man who did discriminate. And
Uncle said he should judge that automobii-
ing was a very easy way of getting over
the ground when one was travelling in Eu-
rope. and Mr.. Peters said IL was perfectly
bewildering how the breadth and scope of
Unc!e's mind could instantaneously seize
and weigh every side of an intricate propo-
Sition and as instantaneously solve Il com
pletely. BY the time We reached Caen Tn
Gle was 50 saturated with Mr.. Peters that
asked them all three 10 dine with us at s.
They accepted. and went TO their hotel 70
dress. and Uncle went 10 his room without
one word Of any kind to me.
They came. and we had a very nice din
ner in little separate room. and the way
Mr. Peters talked to Uncle was worth list
ering 10 surely. And when Uncle was talk
ing. he leaned forward and paid attention
as il his life depended on every word. BY
10 o'clock Uncle was happier than / have
almost ever seen him. and Mr.. Peters sail
it was no use. we just simply must join
their party and go on in the automobile.
Lee began To laugh when he said that. and
said Nov, Peters, you'll learn the sem
sation Of getting turned down cold" II
was an awful second for me, because Just
felt Uncle's terrible battle between not
wanting To go on with Lee and wanting TO
contradict him; hut in the end the wanting
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

is equipped with elevator service to 18th
storey"
'Thusly," resume this great Ques-
toner. when l see chunk Of InfOrma
tion | want, | ask for it. Some of the
replies ! get, like yours. is foolish. Many
others is true as they are discourteous.
For instance. / was in Union Depot yes
terday wishing to buy tickets for Kee-
bunk Several hundred Passenger Per-
sons was running back & forthly wish
ing To do likewise all together. Hon.
Ticket Man throw me my caTfare with
peeved expression like a sick cat. why
do Ticket Men always look so insulted
when folks buys tickets? l require. Be
cause say Hon. Ticket Man, If we
acted too pleasant you would want to
stand here and talk all day and all the
other Idiots waiting I'm line would miss
their train Thusly 1 collect a fresh
Jam of Truth nearly every place l ar
rive. only last week l took in the fol-
lowing brite replies TO my Enquiries:
"1-Why is a Pullman Car hotter
than any other place on Earth? Ans ser:
Because cars collects heat and it is not
the policy of the Road to give up any
1hing.
".2-If the Insurgents ever wins in
Congress. what will il sound like?
Answer: Like the firing of a Cannon.
"'3-Why does a Waiter always hang
around after meals as if he expected
something? Answer: He is waiting to
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

remind you that YOU got a hole in your
pocket and might lose a nickel if you
amt careful
(which is the greatest Ruler.
Pres Taft or Pres. Roosevelt? Answer:
Senator Aldrich.'"
IF you continue thusly collecting. you
will know deliciously much about Amer
lea when you return to China?' i re-
vamp.
Il do not expect to know very much
about America" he report modishly:
'onIy a little more that most Ameri-
cans"
"WiIl you take back message OF Equal
Suffering to ladies of China?" is next
from me.
Smiles from Hon. WI. Wag signals
from O-Fido
American Ladies is continually ap-
preaching me with Suffragette express
sions to reproach. %, Mr.. WI. We would
be So joyful if some one would give us a
Vote" If you got a Vote, maybe you
would not use it properly. Maybe you
would use it to trim a hat with or some
other femiline trick | snugsest sternIy,
attempting TO make a noise like Argu-
ment. What if we did?' deploy this be-
switching Creature, men seldom does
such innocent things with their Votes
l set calm but nervus. Mrs. Madam. L
say at lastly, why does Ladies wish
votes?' They wish to be Improve1 she
pop back. 'Ah, lovely Heather Devil l
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
THE CHINESE AMBASSADOR
ANSWERS A FEW POINTED QUESTIONS.
"u imefang Tells Togo Just Exactly How Much He Expects
Learn About America Before He Returns Home

China have come To America requesting
for 20 borrow S300Vaa0Do Is this sign
that them two great Powers is growing
more Friendly ."
1t must he" report Hon Ting with
Pekiug expression Of eyes. Friendship
are supposed 20 he very far advanced
when il reach tho Borrowing Stage"
Yelps from O-Fido.
Hon. Wu." I commence over. Il read
in nevsprnts how China intend for TO
remove YOU hack to Peking to get your
head chopped off and other public hon
ors. How untruthful is this report ."
such idle roomers about me is spread
around 10y folks what loves me less" he
expose But 7 am not affected 10y
knocks
Ambassador crane was affected by
Knox" ] derange.
Poor Charley" say that Wa man.
Always going around with his brain
full Of Ideas-such alive persons should
lot enter the Diplomatick Corpse"
IF ] may be 80 tiresome," / dib,
might snuggest that YOU. also. are
very useless & extra among Amhassa-
dors? I shall feel less nervus when YOU
have went. Hon. China. when he sent
you over here To represent the laundry
interests, he expected you 10 be a En-
hassy ard not Human. lie expected
you TO ride in a hack. look mysterious
be kind To Vice Pres. Sherman & attend
Diplomacy Dinner twice week where
you should make a speech about the
n
ing tail around the Stars and Streaks of
America. Banzai and good night, In
stead Of which. what you do constantly?
You go around herding with Suffragettes
You make speeches before She-talkwa
Clubs prizofghts and Christian Sciences.
You are always making humorous hits
instead Of diplomatick strokes And
when folks asks you for lectures you
arise up with Mark Twain expression TO
say that America is still raw on one
side and that China is a better place TO
live in than Brooklyn any day, including
Sunday"
1t is deploy Hon. wa with perilous-
ly yellow smiles. Il did not come here
10 give Taft-taffy 10 Americans. / come
here TO get an education by peeking
around and asking Why when l see
something / cannot answer"
Il came from Japan for a similar job, >"
is sharp report from me.
why DO you make limitations of me?"
inquire Hon. Wu with Dr. Cook express
sion.
because admire YOU for your ele-
waited BRAIN ] relapse. -
Hon. Wu Ting-fang take notebook
from desk & in this he wrote. Togo
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

u contradict overpoweTed everything else
and ne said Young man. when YOU are as
old as i am you'll be less ready 10 sneak
for other people than you seem disposed 10
do now"
And then he accepted Mr. Peters's fnvi-
tation' SO will YOU only please to think cf
tive are touring with Lee. and to-day
we came up through the lovely valley of the
Nire to this little town Of the same nsue
IL Is all too nice for words: Uncle sits nj,
the front seat all the TIME, and when n.
gives Mr.. Peters advice. Mr.. Peters always
franks MIN and SAYS that he never met any
one before with sense enough 10 have fr-
ured that out.
We passed Elfrida and her sister TODAY
pedaiiins along Tor dear life. They didn't
hEow MS. and they are getting 10 look 70
awfui that l thought it was lust as well.
Uncle saws he thinks they are seeing Elrope
for 80 cents dav now
IL Is raining ana I must go 10 bed.
Ou' very haPpy' YVONNE.
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

Would you send Ladies n Jailroon
20 discourage them from Votes?"
ask H.
How foolish he otter Ladies can
never be stopped by the Police. What
say Hon. COnfucius. Chinese bOOkmaker.
about this subjecke He say. When a
female Woman want something she can't
have. give il 10 her and she will immedi-
ateIv want something else"
While we was thusly chattering. one
Chinatown Once Boy enter in q say.
"Sec. Wilson Is Deevish about waiting"
30. yes" explode Hon. WI Ting-fang."
7 nearly forgot my enga cement with the
Sec. of Agriculture 10 play game Of
CrOquet.'
Arc you fond Of that exciting game?''
7 expire.
II hate IN less than golf" he explain.
Around Washington a Public Figure
have got 10 play something. or he gets
socially Ostrichized-"
He slip on a embroidered silk skirt and
a pongee jacket Sing Hi his caddy. ar
rive with a bundle of croquet mallets.
Hon. Wu Ting-fang look with dutiful
"Hon. WI" 7 operate. Before draw
ing off. one more reply, please, By
newsprints ! read how you are interested
in SpirituaIism & Airships more than any
other athletick event. How false is this
repOrt?"
Il did go 70 q SpiTitualistick see-Aunts
. or g times But shall do so no more.
1-,-.. .i,,,a 4 ,.-eDrt t4o,, Csb,ar arrf,-a &
: say. Who are you?' a Senator. re-
port Hon. Ghost. Next night :; dead
SpOkes arrive. Who are you2' I require.
senator's they report. Next night that
place was full OF SpeCkteTs. Who is
here this timer this from me. Sen
ators" this from them. 4 amt spending
the money of the chinese Government %
see Senators when can see more than
want for nothing 7 slam down & de-
part off with angry RACES.
About Airships' report this Famous
MongoIian. II am entirely crazed and
can't think of nothing but going up for
n fighty ride with Wright Bros. But
can't do. thanks"
why can't you do. if you wish?'
examine.
My wife won't let me-" he report
parting off gIOOmily. And then ! re-
alize how American Hon. Wa have be-
came. in spite Of his lemon color.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright. 19oo by The Associated Literart
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
THE BERRY PIcKERs.

When summer winds like scented waves
bear fluffy flakes OF cruising seeds
Above the stems OF tawny grass and pals
white WreathS OF lowered weeds.
And berries splash their scarlet stains
across the dipping hills Of sun.
Iheir laughter lifts like silver bells and
ttnkling echoes sweetly run.
Their faces far below the CrestS Of ripping
gold and shadOwed green.
They hear the dreams OF drOwsv bees and
watch those buccaneers unseen
Cling yellow 10 the clover maSts and trail-
ing ropes of Wild blue pea.
Ana breathe the brine Of daisy frOth that
drifts between the walls OF sea.
Their fingers pluck the glowing fruit their
lips and cheeks are smeared and dyed.
Their snowy bonuets brush the grass Ike
hrtlnE tOpSailS on a tide.
And when their little pals brim red and
- rosy hands will hold no more.
IheN steer long shadows down the waves
that float their tired feet 70 shore.
Lloyd Roberts. in The New Idea Wo-
mans Magazine.
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

looked upon a. tremendously effete by the
English
Uncle took "a deal Of pleasure studying
the whole thing. and We were there till II
was time FOR luncheon. We had nice
luncheon AT a clean little place. and th"n
came the g1lb. There was nothing 10 do till
tIain time. and that terrible walk To the
Eare. ] had brought a book along, 50 |
could read aloud. but Uncle said only
woman would come to BayeuX aud read
novel and that / reminded him of Aunt
Jane You know how terrible il is when
any one reminds him Of Aunt Jane. so Z
closed tire book at once. and said ia do
anything d. liked. Ho said that that was
more like Aunt Jane than ever. 10 just st
back and throw thc whole burden on to
him: and then he shook his watch and held
f. to his ear and sas Hum" too. one
right after the other. I was almost beside
myself To know what 90 do or what to sug-
gcs'. and just then something came putting
up behind us and stopped right at our side.
/. Was bis automobile. with three men
in il. and one jerlled off his mask and
jumped cut over the wheel and grabbed
Uncle 10y the hand. And it was Ice.
You GeVcr saw anything like TncIes
face, lie seemed paralyzed for few sec
onds. and Lee kept shaking his hand and
telling him how glad he was TO see him,
and how he must glt right into the auto
mobile and go on with them TO Caen. Ny
hear1 Just about stopped beating ] was 50
R-Xious, but Lee never stopped shaking,
and tine other men took off their masks and
got out. TOO. and told Uncle ne really must
30 them the honor and give them the pleas
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

To Editor Tribune. who must feel kind
OF yellow when pccking through Open
Door Of China.
Dear Mr. Sir. When ] 60 10 Chinese
Legation AT Wash. u. g. I expect 20
enjoy some delicsous insults. because eN-
piosions is Frequent when Chinese &
japanese arrives close up. 80 I take my
dog O-Fido along Ia chsperone me from
any harm. This faithful mammal go
Nig-wag- -ging besiGo me. making fearless
signals of eyes.
A Chinese Headquarters 4 step inside
& there I see one pig Office BOY
reading hooks with Harvard expression.
When he recognize my japanese paren-
taEe ho reach for umhrella-stick and
make following race riot:
NO dogs allowed he dib soornly.
Which one YOU mean I requesh with
Samural eye-fiasi. You mean me or
o-Fidog'
Both. please" report China boy with
Nrar-Cry voice.
1 double up my gloves prepared TO
make a hit with his nose But sud-
denly Hon. Telefone do jingie-music a
hon. China lad retreat OF. Pretty soon
ly he retire hack and report.
Hon. WA Ting fang would he too
pleased to see Hon. Hashimura Togo and
The other dog"
Me and O-Fido approach into office
with thanks Al large mahoggish desk
set a yellow Republican entirely COW
erred with a purple silk nightshirt and
draped behind boy a pigtai. HIS brain
was inclosed i'm black bowl with a red
handle on top This showed how Chinese
he was Immediately I knew he WAS
Hon Wa Ting-fang. because he looked
like H.
As I approached ne was reading "Po-
lice Cazat" with one hand and -H0mely
Ladies Journal" with the other. thus
gaining knowledge of America from both
ends
Hon. Mr. Sir" I bang mp with brave
expression peculiar To The Japanese,
would you kindly explain me one re
ply? WHY do you wear pant and shirt
~ hoathen silk Ia include disgusting
ldgtai when you might easily wear
frock-avay coat and silk-pipe hat. which
would make sou entirely civilized like
Senator Halc?'
Il got reasons not To arrange myself
inside Them American clothes you men
tion." support this Oriental intelligence
Name both Of them il convenient /
snuggest.
Firstly, J ann not sure that Senator
Hale is civilized. and secondly, 1 am not
sure 1 should wish To hook like senator
Hale. even II he was" BY such remarks
Bon. Wa reveal las heather origin.
Il read by ncwsurint,' / report, that
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

ure, and in the end we got in, and Lee won
out.
oh, il was such fun, We had the most
glorious trip hack to Caen. They had an
extra mask along. and Uncle wore it and
sat the front seat, and Mr.. Peters, the
man who owns the automobile, was really
lovely to him. The other man and Lee
and 7 sat behind and the other man IS
Mr.. Peterss mothers son by her second
husband. His name is Archie Stowcll and
! should judge that Mr.. PeteTss mothers
second husband was lot lvelier than the
FIRST. hut not SO clever.
Nj. Peters is really awfully clever. and
tho way lac talked to Uncle was wonderful.
Uncle said II was a very smooth riding au-
tCmObiie. and Mr.. Peters said il did him
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
PARENTAL GLORY.

That elderly man across there I'm thu
second row is one OF our hest k,o,r, c,,,-
zens"
What's his nance"
"Stiggins"
Well. Well. Say. he ought to he the
proud one"
don't know about that. They claim
he's one of the most modest Of men. NOT
withstanding the fact that he has dom.
more for education and charity. than any
citizen in the state"
nat are you giving me. That amt
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
CHAPTER *.
10 HER MOTHER

Dear Mamma: , am The hapniest thing
d. tho whole v.id. world. and lie is thc
Ersndost fellow, ] must write you every
tliug. and sou viii soc.
The morning after I last wrote Tnc.e
lad me walked up ~ and wrote on q
scIap - paper. '-Mc leave for BayeuN al
so" ] was iust about sick, FOR 7 knew
d. Wasn't able To-. and then, besides, II we
l,ft 20 rarlv ] surely shouldn't see Lee
sgsin. BUT got up and dressed. ~ course.
and 7 was beside myself 10 find some wa-
of sending lee scrap of "A Eoodhy before
vc took a cab Tor tic ''garc.' Uncle was
IN high spirits over getting out again, and
an went wei until if came the minute %
Eot him ON 10 the train.
We'll I do believe ho was scared himself.
Cutting ON 10 French traiu is almost like
going up a ladder that Slopes the wrong
way. always tlink. and IL took two COM
missionaries 60 hoist Uncle into thc coupe.
lIe was aWfuiiy worried over H. could sc',
1oI DE- talked about what an outrageous
idiot Mr.. Ch0pstone was al the way to
BaveuN Mc had 90 get out There, -
course. and D was beside myself 10 know
low o. manage. IN the end Uncle came
Gown SO suddenly that De- nearly crushed
ne and q meek. Eood-loartcd little French-
raan who had kindly offered 10 help assist.
Tho ''esrc" - BaycIN b. quite a "aik
from the uari - the town where thc siglits
are. aud there wasn't a cab or thing "n
wheels ] didn't dare look - Uncle. Tor
rhele is no train back an in the after
Ioon. fIo seerned bit staggerod ~ first
and then d. said VOL ~ WAS losel and
wed 60 ioiSurely along and enjoy tue fresa.
puro. sweet AIR - She country. - We
nalkod along. hut o cou!d soe he wasn't
sljoyiug ID u bit sud IA took us half
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
WHERE GOD is.

Not only in the meeting house
That tops a windy hill.
Where drOning psalm and discourse long
Warn OF Ills awful will.
Nor Ia the hushed cathedral gloom
Eeplete with mystic sign.
Mid kneeling wOrShipperS devOut.
We hear the heart divine.
But when the twilg sets a star
On heavens amber rim.
When oceans rave or tempeStS roar
Their first creations hymn.
In some undreamed OF providence,
Or mortal contact dear,
in some lone last extremity
We find His presence near.
Martha q. D. RianChi. in Good House.
Keeping
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

oorrode wheedlesomely. There you go
again, Why are you continually at
tenn .,ting to improve things that are Per-
feet already? Why do you want to go
around improving great works Of Art?
Flow can you improve Mrs. Venus de
Milo by giving her a cigar and a derby
hat? If Ladies should form Politickle
Party, they would he like the Repub-
licans and other perfect Institutions.
They could not he no better than they
are now: therefore they must stand pat
for lack of anything to do
"That female Lady set silently for few
moments, then she laugh at me with
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

don't go Down no more. When Ladies
gets so Mancipated that they reahze
their imperfections. / shodder TO thihN
how soon a Beautiful Brunette may De
embroidering sofa cushions in the East
Room of the White House.
"WiH Suffragettins make some strldes
in China soOn?' T promote.
Hon. WI set twisting his pigtah
thoughtfulIy with thumb & finger
Like nearly every other Modern I'm
provemeut." say he. china have tried
Sufrra getting long ago and gone back
to Opium. our late lamented Empress
Dowag ger became a Suffragette and was
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
ALL GOING OUT.

Judge tsternlyl-Three times in a months
What do you make of this. sir
kaStuS taDOlOgetically)-'De Deed doan'
make nuffin: You fellows uT here seem
70 De DE only ones dat get any 'cuniary
profit out of hauling me up.-Puck
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
ORIGINALITY

why did YOU accept George
He was so much more original than
the other fellows"
In what wav2'
He was tho one that asked me 20 be his
vife,'-PuCk
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

cold snagger. Hon. Wu.' she say, final
ly. Male Men has kept us Ladies tame
& subdued for past million years by tell
ing how perfect we was. But that Talk
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

the right Stigsius It's the father Of the
great haifback that want to see-'-CIeve-
land Plain Dealer
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

had continued doing so. maybe Ladies
poisoned by her loving subjects. II she
would not control the ballet box in
China"
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14
IN PITTSBURG.

What interested YOU nest in Pitts.
turg-thr milliOnaiTeS?' o.
No, the crowds Of private detectives
who were trailing them. cleveland PLAN
Dealer.
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

THE WRONG DRINK.
"Waiter! a bottle OF mineral water"
Large or sunall?"
Small"
BEG psrdon-don't hzve them"
Large. then
Excuse me. sir-iust out"
- -Fliegeuae Riaffc-.
New-York tribune., 1909-11-14

looked upon as tremendously enete by the
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-04-13

Memphis. are in the city visiting Mrs Lillie Riggin at her home on Soutl Laurel street.
 MT. and Mrs. c. C. Wade, of Nal den. Mo-, have returned to their home after brief visit here with Bert c Sloan and family.
 Miss Olive Munger and Miss Zillaf Retan will return to Little Rock to. day after. pleasant visit to Mrs Tracy 3hitis fifi in n-ttlAiis-city. ''''. F. R. Allen has gone to Reydel where he will spend several weeks doing surveying work in the Plum Bayou drainage district. Miss Bessie TnUmpsUn -tefr yester- day for Lake Village, where she will visit her brother. Laurence Thomp- son. for the next few days.
 Mrs. Harry Han1dns. Jr., and little daughter have rturned from an ex- tended visit to relatives at Pine Bluf.-Monticello Monticellonian.
 w. R. Stitch. the popular new gen. eral secretary of the local Y. M. c. A.. has arrived from Van Buren and Is now at work at his office here.
 Alexander Helpers. of Baltimore, who has been In the city for several days in the interest of the Manufac- turers Record. leaves today for the North.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-04-13
LOCAL AND OTHERWISE. . sa>%%.~%>~>>+~t

Born, to MT. and MrS. w. A. Leo on Easter Sunday, ten pound girl. For rent, two front rooms. up- stairs. Apply Mrs. King White. 3-s tf
 ITO produce that lily white com. plexion try M,dam Wat.rs' Face Cream. T
 "A fine baby boy arrived at the home of MT. and Mrs. Bert DuRard yesterday. %' {N}
 Old Honest-Old Honesty
 the paint that will last.
 Little Henrietta Brewster. who was recently operated oA for appen- dicitis. is improving rapidly.
 70. Posey, sign painter and artist. can be found at Peter Gangs shop. 621 Main street. 4-3 If
 Mrs. Jo Nicho,. who Is under treatment in a local hospital. con- tinues to improve. ,to.4
 For sale--Box factory wood. quick delivery, Old phone 1000.
 3-5 Inn
 --studebaker buggies give you the best service. Sold by D., A. Caldwell. 316 Pine street. 4-6 66t
 Mrs. George w. Hyington is again confined to her room at her home OH South Main street. She is suffering from jaundice.
 For rent, three nicely furnished rooms, with modern .conyeniences, convenient to four .boarding houses. Apply at POP West Fifth avenue. 2-25tf SEE CHARLES J. MADDING, DISTRICT MANAGER OF THE NA- TIONAL LIFE OF THE U. &. A. (CHICAGO). HE CAN WRITE YOU ANY KIND OF A POLICY YOU WANT. 3-14 If
 -Dil your roof leak?. Well you can fix 1t all right with Ma1thoid roofing. It Is guaranteed, One ply. $1.s0, two ply. $2,75 per square. at Cleveland Matthews Hardware Com pany. ... ' .s
 Why take chance on cheap gasoline stove when, you can buy q Detroit Vapor Stove that will save you the difference of it's cost in your fuel bill the first season. at C1eve- land-MatthSws Hardware Company.
 We, the undersigned. are solicit ing orders for. the American Excelsior Laundry and any favata shown us will be greatly apprebiated. Phone 30S and the wagon will call for and deliver same. Any other laundry so- liciting under our name are not au- thorized to do so. Mrs. Rosa Lesin- ski and Mrs. Jesse G. Smith. 4-6 If
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-04-13
wnrss HoRsRsHoEINa SHOP.

Dr. F. c. Hoskins. v. S.. mgr. and director of shoeing. Special atten- tion given crippled and diseased feet.
 We make a speciality of shoeins fancy driving and saddle horses and are prepared to give you the best shosing in the city. Horses called for and delivered. 414 W. Second Old phone 1336.