Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1909-04-30


wiped you with the newspaper, Heff-
rem. But 'twarn't no good. All that's
wanted is for me to heave you onto
the floor and beat you up whole
lot. If she could see me do that, Heff-
ren, it would everlastingly hobble
her."
Let you beat ms up, hey?" snorted
John. "Where'd you think come
from-college?"
"oh, I'll do it GENTLE persisted little
Andy, "cross my heart / will. You can
give out I've bust your leg or some.
thing. Go ahead Say, if you do
and if the deal goes through-Heffren,
I'll give you free meal tickets till the
spring roundup
John snapped away his cigarette.
THAT goes he announced, and wit.
messed the compact joyously.
The lazZaparoola was scheduled for
an hour when the Blue Wing was de-
serted. l secured a reserved seat in
the corner of the empty dining-room.
1t is believed that the artistry of
cowboy comedy can be bettered no
where. When Heffren glided into the
restaurant the perfection of his MINI
icry would have made Coquelin
despair. John was now the bad man,
the man on the kill. Even Mrs. Major
recognized his kind, and she changed
color at the purring, uncanny polite
ness with which Heffren requested
scrambled eggs.
II told you what I'd do to you'll"
snarled Andy. Nov! I'll learn you!"
Mrs. Major screamed as he grasped
the desperate valiantly. They wres-
tied up and down the room. John made
his pistol and performed a sort Of
polka step. He folded Carr to his
breast and they rolled over the top
of the table like a pair of acrobats.
The cloth enveloped them and the
wreckage was remarkable. Mrs. Ma
jor again gave tongue.
Hes killed." she screamed.
II ain't,' Andy assured her. Don't
be afraid. That's tomato sauce you
see."
Wow! It's me that's killed, a'am, >
howled John.
That's what / said," retorted the
Widow, weeping. Let me to him, you
good -for-nothing coward"
Andy obeyed, eyeing the lady with
sheepish surprise. She scurried to
the head of the fallen gladiator and
upheld it affectionately in the capa-
cious crook of her elbow. John
groaned.
MY necks broke" he said 'and my
leg-and I'm a rib or two shy-and,
suffering dogs, what fighter!"
He's a good-for-nothing coward!"
exploded Mrs. Major. "He took you
when you were off your guard" She
shook her unemployed arm truculently
at Roaring Andy why couldn't you
stand to it and fight like MANI" she
cried why did you trip him like a
dancing hyena? All, the poor dear!
Where did it hurt you? He's dying!"
"Oh, die your grandmother" eX-
claimed Carr. in disgust.
She Strengthened herself ominously
picked up a carving-fork, advanced
upon Andy Carr, and Roaring Andy
quailed. He was a timorous man, and
it would have required something
more than hero to face the indig
nant Amazon of the Blue Wing at
that psychological moment
At the livery stable waited with
Andy, who was plunged in a melan
choly silence. We were buckling Gin
ger Pops fore cinch when his own
er sprawled around the corner. The
hasty progress of cow-puncher afoot
is not graceful. Johns legs and arms
flew erratically, windmill fashion, and
his face was a dark purple. In his
wake Mrs Major tackled through the
mud like full-rigged ship. She bran
dished indscriminately the carving
fork and bottle of smelling salts.
Heffren bounced into the saddle.
II was afeared she'd call in a minis
ter before SUPPER" he gasped, "and
rope me- The great American deserts
my home, sweet home, just now" and
he galloped away, bawling genial ad
vice to his Ariadne, who had collapsed
helplessly upon the steps of the %
Dorado.
Well said Andy, bitterly. "if thai
wouldn't sicken a 'Pache, ! dom
know!"