The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1909-04-22


last But he does go far ennur ter
desire a few comforts, a good time. f"
az We Americans say.
Ireland liz thIekly populated. But
few farmers own more than Ave or
ten acres ov land. Fifteen or twenty
acres liz considered a large arm.
These few acres must produce q liv-
in, fuel an eyerythin'. An intelli-
gent Irish friend once sed ter me:
"Awl ov the people In Ireland could
live. an live well. on the land occu-
pied by fences in the United States. +"
An / guess hit liz true. They make
great deal ov the neeessaries ov
life on a small lot oy ground. They
spade ii deep, pulverize hit thorough
ly an cultivate ter the best advant-
age. None ov the small farmers own
horses or mules or plows. They dig
or spade" the soil, manure 1t an
make a guide liyin' without going ter
the expense ov keepin' a horse. But
they hev cows an chickens In abund-
ance, though in comparatively small
numbers, from the American stand
point. Anvil in awl, we Americans
know nothin' ov real hard times. E"
We know nothin' ov bein' crowded
tergether, millions ov us on a small
plot ov ground hardly big ennuff fer
a big, long-legged man ter turn en-
round on. Sometimes we say a GER
tain neighborhood liz "thickly settled"
because two or three Or more homes
air In site ov each other. But after
seeing little portion ov Ireland, a
man feels like America IL hardly set
tied at awl.
I hev bin gittin' erquainted rite
erlong. Dublin liz full ov McGpires,
McGinnisses, Malones, Hennessays.
|O'Grandies, O'Hoolies, an other dis
tinguished families.
hev bin ridin' over the town some
an Bob attracts lots ov attenshun.
The site ov an American mule in Ire
land will draw a crowd az quickly az
a dancin' bear ov a cage ov lions
would in a North Carolina town. In
America people would stand off an
try ter look onconsarned erbout any
thin ov that sort. But the Irish air
different. They come rite up an take
a close look an ak questions. Some
ov them air not willin' ter believe
that Bob swan acrost the ocean car
ryin' me on hiz back in twenty-three
days frum New York ter London, az
| jokingly tell them. But | stick ter
hit that the things that mule can
do air without limit.
I wuz sittin' talkin' with a half
dozen ov my new Irish friends the
other mite an we had taken on board
few drinks ov genuine Irish whis-
key, which loosens a mans tongue
an fills hiZ pockets erbout az quick
ly az anythin' I hev ever been inter-
duced to. My Irish friends wuz anxi-
Gus ter larn awl they could erbout
America. Finally l mentioned some
| thin erbout the guide old days before
prohibishun wuz invented. What
the divil IL prohibishun?" axed Mike
lO'Hooley.
| vadin' America" sey l. Hit IL q
cross betW1Xt appendySltuS an INDY
gestion, an will lay a man out er-
| bout az quick az anythin' l ever
Seed
Then they got real anxious. They
sed that awl ov the people in ireland
wuz interested in findin' out erbout
SIGH things an insisted that I tell
| them
| "Well," seq I, "git awl ov your
| people tergether at some point an III
deliver a publick lecture in my poor
feeble way an try ter give you some
idea az ter how prohibishun attacks
humanity. Hit il not a disease ex
acktly, but a peculiar mental hallu
cination that lays 'em out very quick
ly."
| The crowd promptly agreed tel
rent a hall an advertise my lee
lures fer next Saturday at 8 p. m
I am preparin' my speech. Will sent
you a copy ter publish in your mex
| issue.
Az ever, ZEKE BILKINS.