The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-01-31

TO SPOT where h.EEsst message fell ard extract Sc
cret Service explosive. thus making IL harmless.
Consideration smonz White House forces. Nors
message ammunition prepared.
Lafer-Scssss =sll waiting re-enf0rccue1ts.
Private Tillzasn badly wounded.
BULLETIN so. !
Bulletin from Gridr0a Cabs special correspond
ert Up ) tree.
Bird-Seys view q battlefield sho1s Thousands q,
tons q red-ho5 language hurled By zach side. b.;
few people hurt
White House foroes resting ANS
srouz
Sozae sharpshootinz o. both sides.
Representative Wniett srss blank ca-s-5zes-
Later tVsTy inDuEtsutl Reported that White
Ecuse forces VII eFacuste their position On
March
Great rejoicing arnoaE Capitol forces.
Gems Aldrch and Caanoa conhdent Trey can
hold out until that tina
L1fer-Rrport confirmed thar White House forces
win eTzrszss tbsi- positions N March 4
Lster-Senate SIN waiting for re-eufo7csments
Later lEery ssnssfionsil-In vis- q n-Ts q sFso-
nation. Gems Ai5rich ard Cannon say they VII
never surrrnder
UpIIft Of the Farmer.
The Gridlron version Of uplifting the
farmer" indicated task more difficult
that has been supposed to face the com
mission appointed By President Roose-
welt The dinner was suddenly inter
rupted at one point by the entrance OF
four members decorated with chin whisk-
ers. blue denim. and dungaree. who an
nounced that they were looking for this
commission The commission itself soon
followed, frock-coated and covered with
Ii. d. and other college degrees II
was difficult for the Presidents repre-
sentatiyes 10 recognize IN the farm dele
cation the material on which II has bean
set to work. The chairman suggested
that the rural representatives disnlave5
VERY few OF the refnements OF ou-
twentieth century life" Are you really
acriculturists2" demanded the chairman
The reply was an emphatic negative.
I'VE are farmers. by heck. explained
the spokesman OF the countryside As
the commission had a pressing engage
ment for afternoon tea with the tennis
cabinet, there was not time 70 secure ex-
tensive data. A query as 10 farm profits
ELECTED the curt retort, We don't GET no
soft money from the government. nv
gosh.' The philosophical comment of q
commissioner was that we are al prac-
teal men, and reform always comes
high" The commission discovered that
the principal ingredient OF milk is water;
that farm pumps are not pasteurized;
that ancient eggs are sold TO city folks
for strictly fresh;f' that the component
parts OF perfectly pure little farm sau-
sages" are anything out Of the pig We
can't eat ourselves. They were dis
mayed TO find that porcelain bath tubs are
scarce in the country, and that open
work plumbing Is confused in the rural
mind with Open-TOrk shirt waists. The
farmers complained against the mail
facilities which permit a Senator 20 ship
a typewriter and do not allow the farmer
TO frank his hay; against the hard-hears-
edness OF railroads, which viii not Jay
more than so for a COW. so that at amt
worth while to tie the old ones to the
track no more" and to party line tele-
phone system because half the time YOU
can't hear what the other folks business
is" The farmers were dissatisfied with
the banks because they charge us IN
trust every time we borrow any money:
with the insurance companies because
they make difficulties over paying for
burned barns when the price Of hay IS
low. One aSrlCIiluFiSL demonstrated
that times are hard by showing that sev-
eral families in his neighborhoOd are still
without automobiles. and the supply OF
farm labor is so scarce that one OF the
rural delegation was compelled to work
four or five times last summer when he
had pressing seven-up engagements.
Finally the commission demanded to
know the most important single thing TO
be done for the general betterment of
farm life ITO move TO town" responded
the farmers IN chorus
Speeches OF the Evening.
Yes. there were speeches. several Of
hem, but reporters are never present at
5ridiron dinners. hence you are not TO
know anything about the speeches. It is |
n order 90 say, however, that among
hose who spoke were the President. the
Vice President. the British Ambassador.
he new German Ambassador, Mr.. Justice |
Brewer. Of the United States Supreme /
Court; Hon Champ Clark. minority lead |
n Of the House, and Hon. Ollie James. |
If Kentucky. And they were good |
speeches, too.
The Mem