The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1909-01-07
BILKINS ABROAD.


Makes Washington Such a Wicked
City-Promises That He VIII Not
Talk Politics With the President.
Correspondence of The Caucasian
Enterprise.
At last | am off on my trip abroad.
/ hope that a slow start will make
guide endin'. / left Bilkinsvilie at
o'clock yesterday mornin' an land
| ed In Washington, the Capital of this
CRATE country AZ ten O'Clock this
morning. ! went by train so as ter
make a quick trip. Ov course, / am
tired an SO IL Bob. We hain't had
| much time ter look erround yit, SO
I'll hev ter tell a few facks erbout
this city an what they hev here in
future letters. Me an Bob expeckt
ter stay here sometime a-gittin' our
papers fixed up ter visit furrin' lands,
SO / will hev plenty ov time ter in
yestigate awl the perliticaf scandals
an other amusements they hev here
an tell awl erbout them. From
| what little | hev seen ov Washington
hit is nifty purity town. But they
say hit amt any too guide, an l am
goin' ter try an find out what the
trouble liz.
Yes, they hev purity town here.
| kin see the top ov the Washington
Monument from nay boardin' house
winder. Hit liz over 500 feet high
and liz built ov marble. l am goin'
ter climb up ter the top ov hit an
see If l can't look down into North
Carolina an see Bilkinsville I'd
in the chickens or sloppin' the pigs,
fer L am feelin' sorter lonesome er-
way up here whar I don't know any
body an whar nobody knows me. l
am gOin' ter the White House an
hav talk with Preserdent Roosevelt.
/ reckon he will be glad ter see me
fer / got erquainted with him when
he come ter the State Fair at Ra-
leigh an made that speech three
years ergo. You will awlso remem-
Der that l took him on a big bear
hunt out on the Grimes place. He
shot at that big black bear that stays
in Pullen Park, but | didn't allow
him ter hit the bear. He just shot
at hit fer fun. But the Preserdent
wuz powerfully tick1ed an he told
me then that If | ever cum ter Wash
ington ter cum rite strate ter the
White House an put up with him an
make myself at home. I am goin'
ter visit him while | am here ter git
letters ov introduckshun ter the Ear
Ov Rushy an the Kings and Emper-
ors ov them other furrin' countries
an talk over things in general. Ov
| course If he axes me ter stay fer din
| ner | may do so. We won't talk any
pollyticks onless he brings up the
subjeckt, fer l am an awl-wooll an
yardwide dymakrat an he iz a Re-
publikin an We mite git ter argyfyin'
| erbout the tariff On trace chains an
| wool hats an fall out. Night-ridin'
an dymockracy air two things that
the Preserdent haz awlways bin down
on; awlso all other violations ov the
| law.
| I managed ter git hold ov a little
| bottle ov ten-year-old North Carolina
apple brandy which wuz made by
| moonlight in Alexander County an
l brought hit erlong in my haver-
sack. I am goin' ter present that ter
| the Preserdent az sort ov peace Of
| ferin'. Ov course | know that he
belongs ter the white ribboners an
| awl ov that sort ov thing, but I will
tell him how guide hit liz ter cure a
bad cold or snake-bite an I think
he will pull down the winder curtains
an join me in takin' a smile. He
| need not be erfraid ter take a drink
| ov brandy with me fer 1 am guide
| dymakrat an that means that | am
a 32nd-degree prohibitionist. We
| the cause ov prohibition, even ab-
stainin' from drinkin' a whole day
| on eleckshun day.
Pennsylvania Avenue iz the widest
street in this city. Hit IL powerful
purity. They liz little parks and nice
barrooms every here an thar. II hit
| wuz summer time I'd enjoy sittin'
| down somewhar an watchin' the
street cars go by. The Capitol build
in IL standin' rite at one end ov
Pennsylvania Avenue an the White
House il located on the same avenue,
but hit liz some distance from the
Capitol. They wuz afraid Congress
would git ter sayin' ugly things er-
bout the Preserdent so they built hiz
house a mile erway.
From what kin see Washington
IL clean city. They amt no brush
heaps nor log piles lynn erround like
we hev at Bilkinsville. While I am
here I want ter go round ter the
Treasury Building an git them tel
make me some money, fer I will
need lots ov hit when git ter goin
awl over the world. I'll speak tel
the Preserdent erbout that. Wher
the weather gifts better I am goin
ter let Preserdent Roosevelt ride
Bob erround if he wants to, an I'll
ride one ov his horses an we will SCI
) awl ov the town. But, ov course
I'll hey ter do that when Bob liz in
guide humor or he mite git ter buck
in an throw the Preserdent in
mudhole like he did me one day whel
wuz ridin' him home from Raleigh
/ hev got Bob a-boardin' at one o.
them liberty stables an I don't CUES
that they will feed him any to,