davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
QUAKER fluctuations.

From the Philadelphia Record.1
Corn on the ear is worth two on the
toe.
cheap skates.
A man who is one-sided can't very
well be square.
If a criminal doesn't want to be spot
ted. he should avoid freckles.
To keep the pot boiling 1t isn't nee
essary to have money to burn
Strange as it may seem, 1t IS posi-
HE to buy uncut diamonds at cut rates
The best thing about being failure
is that we have plenty of company.
Many a man who wants the earth
only succeeds in having mud thrown
at him.
There quite a difference between
keeping up appearance and being on
your uppers.
The people who are most pleased with
themselves are seldom as pleasing TO
others.
The one man in the world Who is in
no danger of being spoiled by success
i the weather prognosticator.
Blob0s-"I bought one of those cheap
summer suits the other day, and now
the trousers are nearly up to my knees. y
Slobbs-''Have they shrunk SOP Blobbs
II can't make up my mind whether II S
that or whether I had my leg pulled
when I bought them
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
JAYHAWKER JOTS

Charlie Blakesley says that Henry
l. Call has fooled around with his
Girard airship so long that the people
are beginning to refer to him he
Call of the Wild"
amego-on-the-KaW, that classic
little village to the west which mas pro
vided the newspaper armament of
Kansas with a brilliant star or two
promises to be further distinguished in
the near future by the largeOesS CT the
sweet potato crop which is being grown
in its locality. If things don't go awry
it will surpass all records in sweet po-
tatO growing.
The floods" says the Lawrence
World, "have taught the farmers a
valuable lesson in showing them that
the inundation of their farms will re
store life and fertility to the soil 1t
would not be surprising if before many
pump water from dirty streams upon
sterile fields and allow it to remain
there until it evaporates leaving. it's
sediment to enrich the soil"
Ever know that Kansas originally
included all of Colorado: that its
western border was the continental
divide? asks the Atchison Globe. Nose
Morris recalls that fifty years ago this
month, he made an overland trip to
Pixies Peak, which was then in Kan
sas. Afterwards he crossed the con-
tinental divide, and a man said to
him: 1.-The waters here run into the
Colorado river" That was the first
time Mr.. Morris ever heard the word
Colorado used.
This paragraph which appeared re-
Gently in the Leavenworth Times might
well be written about the main street
of every city in Knasas: When the
Broadway paving was put down we
pointed to it with pride as one of the
finest boulevards in the country. And
then came the wOrkmen for the pubic
service corporations. with their picks
and shovels and dug it full of holes.
carelessly making repairs afterward.
Broadway, today. is almost ruined.
What are we going to do about it?'
The Abilene Chronicle says that
after hearing of the Clay county
farmer who lost his wife three months H.,
boz killed two months ago by a rail-
road train and lost baby and a IS,
year-old girl last week by fire--the girl
tried to light the fire by using kerosene
an explosion followed and burned
both to death. and was himself almost
fatally burned trying to save the, Grill
dren. we have come to the CONCLUSION
we never had license to put up
hard luck stOry-no, never"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31

roads in such shape that ordinary
rains will not have much effect upon
them. This can be done but it re-
quires lots of work and the expendi-
ture of considerable time and money.
However, the efforts on and the cost
of such work bring in desirable re-
turns. Nothing so enhances the
value of property as good roads, roads
that are serviceabIe in all kinds of
weather They are an enormous boon
to farmers and correspondingly to the
business interests of cities with which
the farmers are placed in easy con-
tact. If farmer has roads at his
disposal which he can use at all times
and over which he can haul his pro-
duce easily, the opportunity is pre-
scented to him to increase his yields
and thereby his profits. This, in turn
means that he will do more business
and have more money to spend in the
towns and cities that are near him.
Not the least advantage to the farmer
of good roads is the possibility they
afford him for broadening his social
life and that of his family. Indeed,
the commission appointed by Mr..
Roosevelt to inquire into the condi-
lions surrounding farm life reported
that an essential thing towards their
beterment was good roads.
About all the power and authority
that is needed to secure these i'm
proved roads were given to the people
of Kansas by the last legislature 1t
might have adopted a more compre-
hensive plan for the improvement of
the roads along uniform lines by
placing the subject more directly I'M
der an adequate state control. But it
went far enough to give every COM
munity the power to go ahead and
build good roads of such varying
character as might appeal to them
most strongly. Not much has been
done so far throughout the state I'M
der this legislation. But that is no
reason why advantage should not be
taken of these laws AS far as good
roads are concerned it is decidedly a
case of better late than never. And
good roads will mean better times for
Kansas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
Last Wooden spoon at Cambridge.

There were striking scenes at Cam
bridge today, when the last wooden
roOn awarded in connection With the
mathematical tripos was handed to the
winner c. L. HOlthouse. of St. Johns
Ingenuity had been taxed to it's utmost
to make this last celebration of the old
tradition a fitting spectacle. AS it's re-
Cipient was d rowing man, his friends
lad hit on the happy idea of making
the handle of the spoon out of one of
the oar blades with which he had dis
tinguisned himself OF the river. and the
idea proved thoroughly successful.
One don of his college has already
entreated Mr.. HOlthOuse to present the
immortal spoon to his college library,
but the recipient, L hear. cannot bring
himself to surrender it. 1t was, indeed.
not without a struggle that he got the
trophy. for. while cutting the rope by
which the spoon was suspended, he was
nearly lifted off the floor. After the
ceremony Mr.. dollhouse was chaired
up the ser ate hOuse.-London Daily
News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31

According to the GIidden tourists the
roads of Kansas compare more than
favorably with the roads in other
states over which they have travelled.
In fact, Mr.. Glidden. himself. said
after his trip over the roads through
the western and central part of the
state, that he considered them to be
about as good as roads can be. All
this should be extremely satisfying to
Kansans, but they should not be con-
tent with the present condition of
their roads by any manner of means.
There is room for Improvement in
most of the roads in Kansas and they
should be as good as it is possible for
roads to be.
Most of the roads in the state are
| in generally fair condition as COM
pared to the roads in other states after
| there has been spell of dry weather.
| But as soon as rains of any conse-
uuence come along they are quickly
turned into veritab BILE rnires and remain
in such condition for quite continued
periods. The thing to do is to put the
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
d9ss.IEI].E12sI{1)
sEN GlREB RURPN ~

Wroten ad Looie Linkenfusser, late
Ut Missouri, yet.
Goot mawning, Looie: You notice.
Loole, l say i'd 'mawning." On &C
coundt uf der cottage chees aXsent uf
my typewriter. dot ISIS der only word
can wroten in der Missouri dialect
una dis communication vich wroten
you, ISIS concerning der case uf Senator
Stone, uf Aissoury, vich wanted vasser
nit hiss drink
Berheps, LOOie. you hat read in der
Baltimore disDaoges aboudt der sena-
tor, der Skotch, und der niggero waiter
IN IN der dining car ahead. Derefore, Loo
lie, VIII not hesitate to refiew der
sdory- But, oop to late dis Afternoon,
no Won haf answered der burning kves-
Cion uf der hour, ''Vot der heck dit
he Vandt uf der vasser?" We can see
nltoudt shading our eyess, Wy a sena-
tor from Alissouraw would choos a drink
uf boos vile riding on a dining car.
Deretore und hence. I differ nit der
chudge vot fined der senator nod guilty
und doldt der niggero nod to led il
occur again. Uf der niggero had failed
to bring der visky, any senator from
anyVere but Maine und Kansas, would
be Untitled to skiX pops ad him mid
a refolfer. But in der name uf Chef
Davis, who effer heard uf a Missourian
striking a niggero er anything else fer
a drink uf wattah? Deere I got ouf
noder Won uf dem foreign phrases).
Not ISIS der anser, Looie? Dit der
9NAetIOi FlAIut ~ uanC a pm u-Iu Hdtu
to waste der boOs in chasing id down ?
Dit he vandt to dake a bath? Dit he
hat pet bullfrog in hiss pogget vich
needed a swim?
Und, on der oder foot. how aboudt
Ger unreasOnableness uf der senator in
souashing der niggero under der cir
cum stances und rose. Now uf you vas
a niggero waiter in a Pullem lunch va
gon, and a Missoury senator sayss Ply
you, bring me a drink und a glass uf
n. COuld
zOdidnt ind creamaWheat faces ad him2
Cerdaiuly nod. Id would be almosd
enuff to make Stubs laff, und he iss
not a waster, elder.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IRON the Atchison Globe.
" 7 T 7 :
News.

IFrom the Atchison GIobe.J
Gossip is the talking others do
about you; never what they say about
others.
looks indignant; man looks
ashamed.
Il have noticed that people do not
care anything for my wisdom
Drake Watson.
When two women meet who have a
grievance against the men, how mys-
teriously they whisper!
Out in the country, it is generally
agreed that a storekeeper doubles his
money on everything he sells.
You work and stew. and fret, and
rush all day, and at the end of the
day, how little your work amounts
to!
Girls have the notion that if they
can play the piano a little. not much
is expected of them in more practical
ways.
Il have learned something from
the women who register. When asked
my age, I say I am over twenty-one."
-Parson Irvine.
After a woman has powdered a
long time, her face has a purple look,
like a boys chin when he stays in
swimming too long.
In figuring your wedding ex-
penses, allow about twice as much as
you imagine they will be. Half a
mans expenses are unexpected.
You are probably doing something
of which your friends say: isn't it
surprising that a man with little
sense should act so foolish!"
Talking about people is not only
mean, petty business. but noted
authorities say that vicious thoughts
have a bad effect on your health
An Atchison woman is married to
a man named Wallace, and doesn't
get along with him very well. She
is about the maddest woman today
you ever saw. A woman she doesn't
like very well, said lately: "She
was perfectly crazy to marry Wal
lace
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
Taking a Safe Chance-

Some of the West India islanders
nave learned that when a foreigner
nlsbehaves on their shores it is better
to suffer in silence than to mete out
punishment at the risk of a descending
gunboat from the miscreant's native
land,'' said Frank H. Griffiths of
Kingston, Jamaica, recently. "A Judge
in Hayti, however, recently took occa-
sion to pay off old scores and to re
deem his self-respect in the case of an
offender brought before him.
TO his first question, as to the ma
tionality of the accused the interpreter
had answered that the prisoner was
from Switzerland.
=" Switzerland said the judge, and
Switzerland has no seacoast, has it?'
No seacoast, your honor said the
interpreter.
And no navy continued the judge.
No navy. your honor was the re-
ply.
q Very we'll, then said the judge.
give him one year at hard labor -
Cleveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
VACATION DANGERS.

Many persons spend far too much
on the week or fortnight or month CT
summer when they absent themselves
from their tasks. July loaflng ana
December gift-giving create Two
areas of expenditure whose outer
edges may touch and just about
eclipse the margin of whole year
To E-live like a lord for few days is
a human wish and has whatever Iner-
it lies in a radical change from the
daily routine; yet the wish is fs2hsF-
ed in faulty.
Many persons look to vacation 10
make up the years arrearages IN ex-
ercise, enjoyment and health, on the
theory that q bird in the bush Is
worth several in the hand mus
considered, the vacation idea is a
menace, for one cannot fail in his
duty to his own body for SO weeks in
the year and make up for 1t in the
other .. He must carry good work
ing balance in the bank OF good
health. and never overdraW IT, me
strength and spirits stored up IN his
vacation should be so much ahead
like an endowment life policy come
due. So far as the vacation habit is
symptom of American hustle, try
ing to square itself with nature in a
hurry and all at once, it is far from
good thing.-New York Mail.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
A NoveIist's Pipes.

A recently published interview with
the famous novelist and dramatist con-
tains the following paragraph, from
which it would seem that Mr.. Barrie is
more attentive than ever to My Lady
Nicotine:"
Il spent exactly IS minutes with the
great dramatist. When I entered he
was smoking a calabash pipe of gener-
GUS proportions. He smoked it out in
purposeful way and laid it on the
mantelpiece to cool Then he felt in his
right coat pocket and produced a hand
some briar- This he loaded and lit.
When it was done he laid it on the
shelf and took out a second briar from
another pocket. He smoked it out, and
then, assuring himself that the Gala
bash was cool again, went back to it.
He smoked three and a half pipes with
in the hour and finished up with a
cigarette. '-Tit-Bi
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
AN ECONOMIC EXPERIMENT.

Mister Otto Knowsomebetter was an eco
nomic chap
With. a well-developed liking for a dol
lar in his trap.
he was wont to ponder wisely, with his
fingers in his hair,
On the various expenses that an honest
man must bear
And the one that most distressed him,
cen to giving him a shock,
Was the awful cost of fodder he was
forced to feed his stock.
Now, we know the ancient fable Of the
man who fed his steed
On simple saWdust diet and had made
the same succeed
AS a steady equine ration-if the victim
hadn't died;
And he knew that plan was useless, and
deyoid of sense beside,
So he figured out a process, widely diff
ferent from that,
Whereby he. could save his pocket and
his cattle keep their fat.
He procured a load of sawdust, with the
happy scheme in mind,
shorts and bran and other staples of a
fat-increaSing kind;
Which he mixed in true proportion with
touch of pepper stout,
Just to keep the stock in. spirit and to
make them move about,
For he'd heard it said the secret of the
sawdust steed's demise,
Was little too much sawdust and the
lack of exercise.
So he placed the toothsome mixture in a
freshly secured bin,
Smiling, as he thought now bossy would
be neatly taken in;
Then he measured out a portion and he
gave it to his COW,
And she hesitated slightly, but she ate
Then he Went at eve to milk her, with
citation in his soul
And she gave pat Of butter IN little
Chicago News
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
FROM OTHER PENS
FOREST FACTS.

In their original condition the for-
ests of the United States exceeded IN
the quantity and variety of their
timber the forests of any other region
of similar size on the globe. To the
ewes of the pioneers they wcre an IN
exhanstible resource. Only Drithin re-
cent years has the fact OF their de-
structibility been emphasized to the
public ear. 49,,
In pursuit for the crusade for the
forests the department of agriculture
has lust issued a pamphlet showing
the present state of the trees. That
an original forest acreage OF 900 lro
600 has been reduced to not more
tbsn SIC, 600, 900 by cutting, clearing
and fire is the first impressive state
ment. These figures show less strlk-
ingly what destruction has been
wrought, however, than does the de-
claration that where was once a total
stand of 5, 20O,OOO.OOO,OOO feet of saw
+inoher there remains a stand of only
about 2,5OO,OoO. 700 feet The for
ests have been reduced by 80 per
cent. the stand by 50 per cent.-Now
York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
THE CHAUFFEUR AND THE LAW

T. O. Abbott has an article in the
Outing magazine for August on 1.-The
Law and the Automobile" which. in
telling of the legislation that prevails
in some of the sections of the country
concerning automobiles, contains sug-
sestions for laws and regulations that
it would seem to be desirable to adopt
in every locality. An excerpt from
this article is as follows:
1.-The courts have likened the chauf-
feur's rights and duties to those of a
motornan His relation to his en-
pIoyer has been declared to be that
of master and servant. When en-
gagged on his employers business he is
the agent of his employer. and the
empIoYer is responsible for his acts;
but the employer is bound only in so
far as he acts within the scope OF the
authority to involve his employer in
heavy repair bills, and he is expressly
forbidden to take any bonus or dis
count for supplies or repairs.
'Some of the recent acts have taken
a decided step forward in fixing the
liability of the owner for the acts of
the chauffeur by providing. first, that
no person shall be permitted to oper-
ate an automobile on the highway
without the consent of the owner, and,
second, that the owner shall be re-
sponsibIe for all the acts of the opera
tor while using the machine with his
consent. This legislation has the two
fold advantage of reducing the danger
to the public, at the same time that 1t
places the responsibility upon the
owner. 1t is in measure conces-
sion to the public sentiment which has
rebelled at the liberty given to an ir-
responsible individual to destroy life
and property without any possibility
of adequate, or in fact any, compensa-
ton therefor; for which such a law
exists, the burden will be upon the
owner to show that he did not give his
no q he
if he did not the chauffeur can receive
something like adequate punishment
for his offense. It is believed that this
provision will have salutary effect
in eliminating Joy riding, an evil
which has assumed threatening pro-
ronrtinnS'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
HOW THE COUNTRY GROWS.

The business of the postofnce IS eV+
erybody's business. 1t is a general test t
of the activity of American life, the
speed of the current of work and traffic
and the growth of population and the
spread of education and the reaolhs
ress which is better and suEer And
the postofices tell wonderful story
Postmaster Morgan, of New York,
calls attention to the fact that in the
fscal wear ended June 80 the receipts
OF OF the office in his charge-$19, s21 ,o54-
We're nearly $15O,OoO more than the total
~ tba entire country in 1898 years
ago 9a -" When 1'i men still young were babies:
This single fact is eloquent of progress
unparalleled. 1t is not so much that the
metropolis has gained at an amazing
pace as it is that the whole country
has gone forward at rate Whlch
dwarfs the expansion of other natl0ns,
The total postofffce revenues of the last
fiscal year must be over $2oO,oOO'OO 600
Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
[From the Chicago News.1

From the Chicago NeWs.I
Many a man leads the simple life
behind the bars.
And some people seem to think it
naughty to be nice.
It takes more than one thief to or
ganize a steal trust.
You can always spot an inferior per-
son by his superior air.
There's little harmony in the home
If the wife does all the harping.
Food for romance and food for scan
daI are often served from the same
dish.
We feel sorry for the nan who is
married to an imaginative woman with
nerves.
A woman likes to move to another
locality so that people won't know her
age.
The trouble with some women is they
are afraid they'll buy something useful
every time they go on u shopping tour.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

CFrom the New York Press.1
What makes a girls hair so nice
and curly is her imagination.
The irritating thing about a good
ren1Itstion is all the fun you miss
keeping it.
What a woman means by having
a fine figure is being able to dress it
as if it were.
A woman can be as sure of her
religion as of what a fine character
the baby is going to have.
The average man is always sure
he could have done a splendid busi-
ness stroke if he had happened to
think of it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers of the state journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
TO any address at the rate of ton
cents week or thirty cents q month
(by mail onIy.) Address changed as
often as desired. While out of town
the State Journal will he to you like
a daily letter from home
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions. to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Some men do not realize how sue
cessful they are.
Everybody should emulate times hab-
it of failing to wait.
X y X
Friends who have to be purchased
are not worth the investment.
X
Being an actor and being on the
stage are decidedly different PROPOSE
tons.
e =
1t is useless for girls to attempt to
hide their ages. They generally look
'em.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-07-31

you say if a stranger told you he loved
Madeline looked at him, then laid her
sim hand on his trembling one.
Il would say" she half whispered, ooh
Leslie. how happy 1 ami
Blessed, yellow dressi" nurn1ured
Reading when they had stroIled back to
the town at sunset. You'll wear it at
our wedding, won't you, my sweet?''
The young singer smiled. "A bride must
wear white she said softly, but 1 will
put 1t on in the evenings when you come
home to dinner. Will that satisfy you
dear?'
And Reading made eloquent answer
Copyright, 1909, by Associated Literary