davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
The HONEYMOON Special.

Bride-Yes, there were six bridal
parties on our train.
Old Chum-Well! Well! And tell
me about that long. narrow tunnel
through the mountains. Did you get
through safely?
Bride-Oh, yes, we just squeezed
through.-Chicago News.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
Practical Superstition.

Are you superstitious?"
In a practical way"
How is that?"
Il never walk under a ladder unless
feel sure it won't fall on me, and
always expect bad luck when pursued
by mad bull across a lot in which
there are just thirteen acres"
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
The Accommodating Dead One.

Brute! You never do anything
like my first husband"
oh, hang your first husband! What
did he do that was so good, anyway"
Don't talk like that-the poor dear
died the first year we were married. "
London Opinion.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
A Susnicious Silence.

Howard was only 20 months older
than the baby He had somehow
come to realize that Elwood. who
was creeping, was more likely to be
in mischief when quiet. One day he
called to his mother with a great deal
of anxiety in his little voice: Mann
ma, l hear Elwood keeping still
The DelineatoT
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
His Fatal oxersInht.

He proposed to her by mail. and by
letter she replied; be read her hrIet
refusal then committed suicide. Alas!
he'd be alive to-day and she happy
bride, had he but read the postscript
Denned on the other side.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

ills, headache and 9TH
er symptoms of kid
ney disease. There is
a way to end these
troubles quickly. Mrs.
John H. Wright, 606
East First St., Mitch.
ell, s. D., says: 81
suffered ten years
with kidney cnmnlaint
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
Verb San.

Old Gentleman-And remember,
young man, that if you wish to have
enough to take it easy on in your old
age, you must work hard the whole OF
your life.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

At Rip Van Wrinkles Hotel.
What time do you want to be
called. Rip"
In about 20 years"
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

It's too much to expect cross-bred
dogs to be amiable.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

DR.. Pierce's Pellets, small, sugar-eoated easy to
take a candy. regulate and lnYigorate stomach,
liver and bowels. Do not grippe.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

Do your feet ever feel tired, achy and
sore at night? Rub them with little
Hamlins Wizard Oil. They'll be glad in
the morning and Sc will you.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
Special OFFERING,

Clerk-Here is something new In
chatting dishes.
Customer-What is its special fea.
ture?
Clerk-It produces only Nightmares
that are perfectly gentle.-Judge.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
WANTED TO BE SURE.

Look here! Didn't I tell you never
to come around here begging again."
"Yes'm, but 1 just thought dat I'd
drop around an ask you if you really
meant it,"
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
rae MAX OF sab-AouARAETEE

The manufacture Of fine Iewelry has
been one Of our principal specialtles
for more than forty years. We have
always stood at the head in this line
and today use more men, more ma
chinery and more material than any
similar plant within some hundreds
of miles. Take the time and visit our
shop. We will show you how we make
good ieweiry.
I's;:z;;,'A|ss,
'ffAIa 81
SALT LAKE cTTI UTAH
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

Mrs. windows Soothing Syrup.
For chdren teething. softens the gqtns, reduces In
aanlmRtOn. anRyB pain. cures wind coltc. Csc botse-
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

Many a weIl-developed woman has
ner modiste to thank for it.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
PATIENT SUFFERING.
Many Women Think They Are Doomed
to Backache.

1t is not right for women to be al
ways ailing with backache. urinary
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

A guilty conscience is apt to be its
own eXcuser.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

IN THE SUMMER SEASON
children Oycrindulgp in eating fruits with stomach
painSasa consequence IhrTs shCuld have hand
PainkiIer Perry IaviSI. -Jc, sc ana SOC bottles.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

Her string is soon worn out if a girl
has too many beauX.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

W. N. IT,, Salt Lake city, No. s7-tso9.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10

III % I
bottle
remedII
lee thai
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1909-09-10
THEN HE FLED.
VainIy Seek Health in Southwest

-er-have you tried a worm?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
SMOKERS AND SMOKING.

From the New York World.
 If the worlds tobacco crop of 1907 were equally distributed among the men. wom- en and children of the earth there would be something under two pounds for each living soul. This means that the crop approximated S,OOG, ,000o00 pounds Unless by some method the production of the weed can be tremendously augmented confirmed smokers will oppose such socialistic plan of distribution. For one man may in a year consume readily from 30 to 50 pounds of tobacco without putting himself in the light of medical lease"
 Night riders in Kentucky and the un- expected effect of prohibition in some southern seetions-a great falling off in smoking after the dry vote took effect lend a sort of special interest at the moment to this tobacco theme An in- dustry from which the United States alone derives a crop value of $76 900 for single year not to speak of customs and internal revenue dues amounting to s7S- 0O00OO is of concern even to those mem- bers of the public body who do rot re- gard the matter with smokers eyes. In various periodicals of the hou. as spir- tied defense of the use of ,obacco is in progress as though devotees of the weed had not long ago declared them selves beyond the need of defense.
 Said Saturday Review writer not long ago. "The old order of smokers do neither themselves nor any one else harm" The implication that the abuse of tobacco has grown up with modern times and with the invention of machines to turn out cheap cigarettes is plain. The Review contributors plea is for moder- ation; for a slow, soothing smoke with comfort and contemplation. To the sen- timental considerations thus suggested we may attribute the fact that tobacco has been ever strong in the favor of the poets
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
The pamrosch Orchestra.

"It is practically settled, I believe, that Birmingham will have the Damrosch or chestra for at least two performances the first week in May" said a member of the Festival association. 'I hope we can ar range to have three or more concerts, but a matinee and night performance will be welcomed with delight by all who love good music
 "Damrosch is the only high-class sym phony conductor who comes south and he should be greeted by full houses The Thomas orchestra of Chicago made short tours in former years, but it is fully endowed and stays at home throughout the season. The Boston Symphony plays in New York, Philadelphia and Wash ington five times a year, but only once has it ever been heard south of the Potomac. About 20 years ago when Mi kisch was it's leader, it ventured a limit ed southern tour including Richmond and Atlanta. It had to be guaranteed, of course, and in each city the guarantors 1 had to meet a considerable defiit."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
Deadly Weapons Here and Elsewhere

There is a movement all along the line against the toting of deadly weapons. Congress has before it a blH which makes the carrying of such weapons a felony, and another bill which requires every dealer who sells a revolver to take out a special license costing $25, and every purchaser to pay S5 license before buying one. These bills relate to the District of Columbia, and the first bill has been reported by committee.
 New York and New Jersey are both struggling with the deadly weapon car. riers. In all states the practice is re- garded as cowardly and iniquitous, but the states do not agree as to the best of getting rid of it. Here in Alabama we had hoped to cripple the practice by confining it to pistols not less than 24 inches in length, but a slovenly record vetoed the bill, and the state is without any adequate safe guards against pistol toting. The pls tol toter is safe and secure until the coming special session lifts the new laws of the state out of the muddle into which they have been thrown.
 In some states it is held however that the best safeguard is a moral sen timent that will discountenance the practice. But it is difficult to see how there can be moral sentiment that will reach the rattle-brained or the man who has murder in his heart Moral sentiment might reduce pisto toting, but unless it is backed up with a stringent law it will never sum ciently cope with the evil, which Is confessedly one of the most seriou: that at present confronts well-meanins people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
New Steel Prices In An Open Market

The Steel corporation, which owns 60 per cent of the steel-producing capacity in this country, has at length determined to sell its products "at such modified prices as may be neces- sary in order to retain it's fair share of the business" And some of tm, other manufacturers of iron and steel are acting with the big company.
 This is said to mean an open mar ket for all products except steel rails. No prices are named in Judge Gary's statement, he being content to say that the new prices will be given to custom CTS direct as occasion may require. In other words, the lesser independent concerns will not be permitted to make sales at cut rates without encounter ing competition from the Steel corpora ton and allied companies. It puts the Steel corporation on an even footing in the steel markets by depriving the lesser companies of the advantages of cut rates.
 This declaration in favor of an open market will not injure this district. The product of the steel mill at Ensley consists almost wholly of rails, and these are to be sold at the old rate, S2S f. O. b. Pittsburg. No changes in the pig Non market seem to be antici- pated The new adjustment in prices will relate to all steel products other than rails-to bars, plates, sheets and structural forms-and the hope is en- tertained that it will bring out large requirements which had been held back in anticipation of what has just occurred. The new adjustment pre- cedes tariff revision. and it may be deep enough to make cut on that ac- count unnecessary.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
But wonder on, till truth makes al things plain.
 -Midsummer Nights Dream
MT. Bryan's Work In the Future

The Montgomery Times discusses MT. Bryan's recent swing around the southern circle, and it reaches the con- clusion that between his Chautauqua engagements he is obtaining informa- tion that will determine his future course. 'The Times,p it goes on to say. has always admired the great Nebraskan, and does so yet, and will always do so, but it knows, probably better than MT. Bryan himself, that he is all in as a democratic candidate. Or rather it thinks it knows, and 1t hasn't corner on it's fancied in- formation
 This is no doubt the true situation. But this is not saying that MT. Bryan will lack influence in the democratic party. He may become it's great leader even if he does not win a seat in the Senate. His leadership is in no way depends upon office holding. He Is the great Commoner and the word is used without the limited British mean ing. Perhaps no man in American his tory ever yielded equal influence ln public affairs wholly disconnected from office holding. He is the great Com moner, and he may go down in history as such This is glory enough, inas- much as the position and the honor are unique, and there is no rival tn sight. MT. Bryan's entire. career has no parallel. and that career is by nc means completed, for the Nebraskan is still young man equipped with 8 powerful constitution.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
The Order of Odd Fellows.

"On April 26 next the Independent Or der of Odd Fellows will be 90 years old and the anniversary will be fittingly ob- served by various subordinate lodges, said a member. "When the 50th anni- versary rolled around-April 26, 1S69-there was a general celebration on a splendid scale. The membership in the United States at that time was not quite 200O0 Today it is more than 100000; and when We celebrate our centenary the member ship will probably total 1,250.0o0. The sovereign grand lodge will doubtless order : general celebration for 1919.
 '"The first lodge was organized in Balti- more April 26 1S19. It was made up of five Ens!ishmen who had settled in Bal timore. They had been initiated in the mother country in what was then known and what is still known as the Manches- ter Unity Odd Fellowship. For time the American branch was in affiliation with the Manchester branch, but in 1S43 all connection was severed. The parent or der is numerically strong in England"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
Red TaDe In the Constitution

It is indeed a question whether the state needs better clerks in the senate or less red tape in her organic law. The constitutional convention of 1901, not content to put regular sessions of the legislature four years apart, wove into sections 62, 63 and GA provisions that render the keeping of the legisla- tive journals somewhat intricate and difficult.
 It is safe to say that no other state has placed similar conditions of rec ord on the passage of bills, and Ala bamas present muddle is in part ar least due to her adoption of the sec- tions in question: When a special ses, sion is called it may be well on the part of the governor to give room for a modification of the offending sections by the submission of a constitutional amendment
 Blind devotion to the constitution of 1901 is uncalled for It is by nc means perfect instrument. Those who think it is should read section 96 and wonder how it got there.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
WINkING IN THE DARK.

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 Manufacturing and selling goods with out advertising is like winl1ing at a girl in the dark. You know what you're doing but nobody else does.s'
 This testimony of an expert adver- tser, Gerald Pierce of What to Eat fame. is entitled to great weight It puts in concrete form the experience of one who knows. He does not waste any time on theories or on rhetoric. but makes his point with a directness, a force and native wit that carry convic- ton.
 Winking in the dark is at once unproft- able and tantalizing; a signal that cannot be read, message that never gets started.
 SpeaI for yourself, and speak in no uncertain tones, is sound commercial ad- vice. If YOU don't believe in yourself or in your goods strongly enough to go out >evangeliams you are not likely to make many converts. You are not to sit at the receipt of custom with a manner dep recs ting and ultra modest-you should rather make a noise like a very cyclone ot success. And, since the eyes are eff fective as i universal annunciator wink ins is permitted-so it be not in the dark
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
- ---ses---- GREATEST MEN OF AMERICA.
rom the Boston Globe.

from the Boston Globe.
 Here are the names of the 10 greatest men the United States has produced, Nicholas Murray Butler, president of Co., lumbia college, being the judge Jona- than Edwards, philosopher and theolog- ian; Benjamin Franklin, man of the world; George Washington father of his country; Alexander Hamilton, statesman and political philosopher; Thomas Jeffer- son, leader of the people; John Marshall. jurist; Daniel Webster. orator and pub licist; Abraham Lincoln, whom Lowell significantly called the first American;' Ralph Waldo Emerson, teacher of re- ligion and morals, and Willard Gibbs, mathematician and physicist.
 Excuse Us while We smile at the name of Willard Gibbs, or, rather, while we condole with his shade for being put in the same Elysian pasture with Washing ton, Lincoln and Franklin, but, unlike them, doomed to blush unseen except by the erudite. Professor Gibbs was cer- tainly eminent, but was he great? What is it to be great? Is it not to have your greatship acknowledged? Heine said there were two names, and only two which every one knew-Jesus and Ma poleon. Perhaps every American ought to know all the names on President Buffers list, but, nevertheless. it is an awful leap from Emerson to Gibbs.
 Would Gibbs be on list of 10 select. ed by the president of Harvard? We think not. Another question: Is not a list of 10 too long? Can we boast of 10 really great men? Certainly it is an imposing array to present to mankind and any country doubtless would be proud of 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
Negro Question In Masonry.

"The action of the grand master of Ma sons in Mississippi in cutting off all re- lations with the Masons of New Jersey will doubtless be followed by other south ern jurisdictions" said an old member of the fraternity.
 'lt seems that in New Jersey there is a full-fedged lodge of negro Masons in affillaticn with tine grand lodge of that state When the grand master of Mis- sissippi opened correspondence with the grand master Of New Jersey with view of asceriainins the fact about the negro lodge. the New Jersey dignitary frankly answered thai it was true a certain lodge of negroes was recognized as regular While there is nothing in the organic law of Masonry to prevent a negro-free born-from being made a Mason in a regularly chartered lodge, yet owing to the race feoing long existing it is hardly thinkable that New Jersey Masons would violate a social obligation by recognizing Eegro Masons
 "As result Of the action of Missis- sippi no Mason haling from New Jer- sey can enter a lodge in Mississippi. In otEer words, the grand lodge of New Jer- sey is in the eyes of Mississippi clandes- tine, and will be forever treated as such "
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
IN HOTEL LOBBlES
Regarding the Liquor Traffic.

Tn all dry territory in the south, l hear the question asked. will the saloon ever be restored?" said Henry F. Rich ards of Baltimore. "While no one can give a positive answer. the consensus of opinion seems to be that the old time bar will never be licensed again in cities of the smaller class. Even in cities as large as Atlanta and Birmingham we may never see the saloon again, but in the place of the old barrooms there will be clubs open to the public. situated up stairs in a segregated district. Such clubs could be made large revenue producers to state and municipality. As it is now the liquor traffic goes on at scandalous rate i'll nearly all of the dry towns. And it will be ever so. as long as liquor is manu- factured and shipped"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
A CHAIR OF HUMOR.

From the Cincinnati Times-Star.
 From Minnesota comes the refreshing news that 'course in refined humor" is to be inaugurated at the state univer- sity.
 Modern humor is the butterfly of ora tory and literature; it lives for the day only The man who would chloroform and stick pin through it, in order that 1t may be classified and catalogued, sets himself a task that he may regret.
 The joke of today is the shadow f-wit tomorrow and usually the discarded she'll of-a-augh the day after. Americas fun ny man, Mark Twain, is authority for the statement that there are but seven origi- nal jokes in the world; that all others are merely remodelings of them. If it is the intention of Professor Beach of Minnesota to show his pupils how to appreciate and recognize these seven pleasantries, dis- fguised or in their original form, well and good; but if he is seriously thinking of analyizing them for the purpose of teach ing his classes how to perpetuate some- thing along the same line, we fear we will encounter some rough going. As a people we are patient, but there is limit!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
IN LOVELYVflLE.
From Puck.

From Puck.
 In Lovelyville, understand, no man may buy land except as he strictly covenants to build thereon house costing at least $5O,0OO. Thus poverty is banished at a stroke, together with all that horde of things evil which follows in poverty s train.
 It is true. no doubt since the greatest of poets says so, that there's a soul of goodness in things evil; and for lack of that, perhaps, Lovelyville grows at length a species of spiritual Sahara, where spiritual savages dwell.
 But what do cultivated men and women care for things of the spirit?
 As for children. and the difficulty of bringing them up rightly in an environ ment so cloistered zand barren, there is only the remotest possibility of these troublesome little wretches ever coming in fashion again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
FIRST WOMAN CLOWN,
Former kansaS School Teacher Takes
 to Hippodrome Circus Ring.
From the New York Eagle.

From the New York Eagle
 Miss Maud Kmball, who is very pret- ty off the. stage and very ugly on it, claims to be the first real woman clown in America. Once she was a Nebraska school teacher. Now her work is to
 raise laughs" at the Hippodrome One or her chief duties is to eat a dozen apples day and half as many car rots These she carries in a large hand bag for Miss KimbalI acts the mart n, 'rube.' Her dress is a caricature of all the latest styles including a wig or very red puffs and a Grecian knot. With Marceline, the famous clown. she walks, stumbles and tumbles around the big stage and appears to have an extra ordinary amount of interest in all that IS going on. That's all. She doesn't say word. But she gets the laughs.
 It pays better to be a member of the ballet than to be a teacher" says Miss klmball. 'I started on the stage in the chorus and it is only through accident that 1 became clown. A school teach- CT has a hard time to exist on the pay she gets, but the ballet girl can make very good wages. In fact she can often make twice what teacher can in a country school. As clown the most important discovery I have made is that pain or distress is more likely to raise a laugh than real humor. An audience howls with glee because I stub my. toe and come near getting run over. That's the reason I have learned to do A fall. The audience thinks it is the greatest kind of sport Being a clown is still new to me and l am interested in the psychol- ogy of the laugh. It is much harder to be the public's fool, than I thought it , would be-"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-21
THE OLD MILL.
homas Dunn English

Rv Thomas Dunn English. Here from the brow of the hill look, Through a lattice of boughs and leaves On the red gray mill, with its garnbrel
 roof,
 And the moss on its rotting caves. I hear the chatter that jars its walls, And the rushing waters sound And l see the black floats rise and fall AS the wheel goes slowly round. I rode there often when I was young,
 With my grist on the horse before. And I talked with Nelly, the miller's girl, As I waited my turn at the door. And while she tossed her ringlets brown, f Aud f1irted and ehatted as free, The wheel might stop, or the wheel
 might go,
 It was all the same to me. 'Tis twenty years since last I stood
 On the spot where I stand today. And Nelly is wed and the miller is dead, And the mill and l are gray. But both, till we fall into ruin and wreck, To our fortune of toll are bound; And the man goes and the stream flows, And the wheel moves slowly round.