Mexico Missouri message., 1909-09-23
DOWN ON
THE FARM
The Rural If. Didn't Apn.al 10 B;llv

w
afternoon and, with sigh that might
have meant any one of number of
disconsolate things, softly set his
suitcase down, the other fellows in
the office we're not surprised
They were alarmed.
They thought that something must
have happened to Billy or his girl or
his family.
Anything the matter?" one of
them asked, tenderly and sympathet-
ically.
"Oh, no." answered Billy; mot a
thing the matter. I've just decided to
alter my vacation plans, that's ALL"
The fellows looked at each other
quickly, significantly, and felt relieved.
Billy had elected that summer to
take his vacation on farm. The day
he left he had been sneering about the
"barbaric violence" that characterized
the business streets and the "hideous
noises" that "stihed his very soul"
He told them that he was going to an
old-fashioned farm, where he could
spend a few days as the Creator in
tended man to live!"
Naturally his early return was a
matter of interest.
Things didn't pan 6ut?" ventured
another, in tones that invited conf
dence. "Tell us about it, Billy"
Every fellow was looking as solemn
as he could. Consequently Billy talked.
mo more" he said decisively, with
a shudder as at bad memory. Down
on the farm may do for the
poets, but a hall bedroom and
civilized mattress and gas and a bath
tub and running water within walking
distance for mine, every time. Maybe
l picked the wrong farm. There may
be farms all to the good, just as the
poets say, but | don't want to look
for 'em. Two weeks at that place and
| would have been hopelessly bug.
THAT farms about seven miles
from the railroad station, as l told
you, l think, before left By the way,
that seems about a month ago, in
stead of three days. My troubles be.
gan at the station and never let up
till / got back here.
A zap of a boy with one cheek
bulged with a quid of tobacco and
sly on one eye was awaiting me at
the station. He had an old spring
wagon, as they called it, to which was
hitched a plug of horse that seemed
to be forever trying to make up for
lost sleep. In the back end of the
wagon was a rocking chair for me to
sit in. climbed up and perched, ev-
erybody at the station looking on, and
the journey was begun.
Going up the first hill the plug fell
down and broke the harness. The zap
was nearly an hour patching it up,
and in the meantime yours faithfully
was calmly baking and blistering in
the sun.
81 arrived without further damage,
but Just as | jumped out of the wagon
one of the numerous dogs about the
place discovered that stranger was
in their midst and it took the zap, his
ma and pa and the hired girl to get
me safely to the house.
THAT supper! I'll forget it never!
Cold hog jowl, pumpkin butter, half
sour at that, corn bread and butter
milk
81 had to go to bed at $3.50 to keep
from being left alone.
did you ever hear that talk about
the luxury and comfort of a real coun-
try bed? Jumping into that feather
bed was Just like diving. The middle
Of my body sank until my feet were
right in front Of my face. l tried the
stomach method of repose, but my
spine was not sufficiently flexible
Finally l squatted on one side and
managed to drop into a doze. But not
for long.
Mosquitoes! They extended me an
ovation. / hid under a quilt and
sweated and had nightmare the rest
of the night.
Eat dawn the mosquitoes left and
was getting a wink of precious slum'
Der when the farmer pounded on the
foot of the stairs and yelled for the
zap to get up and feed the horses. A
little later l was again getting to
sleep when the hired girl banged on
my door and told me it was time to
get up and wash for breakfast.
II had to dress before l washed
The washing was done in tin basin
In front of the kitchen door.
breakfast menu - strong ham
strong coffee, strong eggs and strong
butter.
"And during the meal the baby
which occupied high chair beside
me, spilled its milk in my lap.
didn't mind that, though, for / had
Just been told that in my honor the
dogs had been chained.
after the delightful repast
thought I'd go for stroll in the yer
dant meadow just abaft the barnyard
Result: A bull got after me. ! barely
escaped by lodging around shed
but the bull had speed up and rar
through plank fence, tearing down
q whole section OF 1t.
| ttrha farnoar wantad To tag me 3