The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1909-09-03
PILLINCTON'S
PATENT
BY Amos r. Wells

inventiyeness, rather. Pillington
prided himself on his mechanical
genius, and was always fishing for an
acknowledgment of 1t from his wife:
but she, mindful of house numbered
from attic to cellar with futile con-
trivances. observed always grim
silence.
One day. as Mr.. Pillington was ex-
patiating on his favorite theme, Mrs.
Pillington CHANGED to be feeding the
baby with a nursing bottle.
II WISH" she remarked, that with
all mems superior inventive ability,
they would contrive a good way to
feed a baby"
Pillington's interest was at once
aroused.
Now, that's just like a woman!" he
exclaimed. Here's field peculiarly
hers. Here's something forced on her
attention from the days of Eve And
yet I'll warrant that every patent
nursing bottle in the world was in
vented by a man"
II should think sol" sighed Mrs Pill
lington..
We'll, what's the matter with em?"
he inquired
Matter? Everything. You can't
keep them clean. The hole gets
clogged up with a shred of cloth. II
you make 1t larger, the baby gets the
milk too fast. If you keep the air out,
it eollasses and the baby gets nothing.
If you let the air in, the baby gets the
collie. oh, they're horrid!"
'Lemme see it," and Mr.. Pillington
looked critically at the nursing bottle.
Maria Pillington, day after tomorrow
| will show you what man can do.
Evidently this thing was some wom-
ans maneshift."
teriously silent, though sagely observ-
ant at baby's feeding time. On the
second evening he brought to his wife
with an air of triumph, marvellous
affair.
What is it?" she asked
"Pillington's Patent Feeding Bot
tle!" replied her husband. proudly.
I've filed it, You try it,"
Mrs. Pillington examined the appa-
ratus suspiciously.
What's this big bulb for?"
That, madam, is to clean it with
force the water in and out by suction;
also to force the milk into the mouth
Now, no woman would ever have
thought of that"
Il agree with YOU" remarked Mrs.
Pillington, dryly. And what's this
brass arrangement in the neck?
Isn't 1t part of some gas fixture?"
Yes" Mr.. Pillington admitted, I'M
willingly-"yes, temporarily, 1t is.
But that's the great point. You see
this screw? Work it out, and you en-
large the orifice; screw it in, and you
diminish the flow of milk Beauti-
fully simple, and yet no woman would
ever have thought of it. Now try it
on the baby"
Never" shrieked his wife. What!
poison his little froatsy-toatsy with
horrid old brass gas machine?" And
she embraced Pillington, Junior, pro-
tectingly Besides. how do you know
it'll work? Have you tried it?"
mo need of trying it" replied the
inventor If you had a mechanical
mind you would know it would work
just by looking at it. Gimme the
baby"
Il WON'T" shrieked Mrs. Pillington.
TRY your horrid contraption on your
self first. | don't believe you could
suck a drop through it,"
''I'll show you" said Mr. Pillington,
fiercely You see where the milk
is?"
Yes, Mrs. Pillington saw.
Then her husband tipped back his
head, bottle in the air, and began
chewing the rubber neck. He grew
red in the face. Evidently he was
getting nothing.
"It-it-doesn't seem to come, some
way" he confessed, at last.
ANY air-hole in it," asked Mrs.
Pillington, kindly.
"Air-hole? What'd | want of an air
hole?" gasped her husband. "Oh, yes!
l have it, Gimme that knitting-needle.
Forgot little point" And Mr. Pill
ington jabbed hole in the rubber
tube that joined the bottle with the
section of the gas jet
But isn't that an air-hole?" Mrs.
Pillington ventured to ask
"Air-hole nothin'. It's ventilator.
Now I'll show you how to use that
screw and bulb Observe"
Mr. Pillington threw back his head
once more, and this time TO some pur-
pose Whether 1t was the knitting
needle, or the screw, or the big bulb,
no one will ever know; but with the
inventors first satisfied swallow the
brass broke away, and in one wild
squirt a pint of milk flew into Mr. Pill
lington's face and down his shirt
front.
"Gl-gl-gl-f-gf- spluttered
the unfortunate. Stop your idiotic
laughing, Maria Pillington. Why did
you make me put in that air-hole?