The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1909-12-10
A Man Bearing Lantern and Hunt
lna q Gas.Leak.

Wnen ne got IuSTep sV Ah1SI0
fred him out. Like Mary's famous
/ little Cotswold, he fingered near, and
applied next day. Andsthenes swatted
him with a detached chaIr-rung, but
DioEenes was undismayed and kept
right ON applying for admission until
Antisthenes said:
.sWell, we might as well take you In.
as break up the school having a night
(. with you every day"
!, Thus did Dtogenes show tie winning
streak. History says Antlsthenes had
compassion" on him. but history has
been known to do a lot OF perfectly
/, solemn Kidding.
After short time in this school
Dfogenes began to study austerity, and
decentralization set in. He wore the
worst.lookng hand-me-doWns he could:
find in the secondhand stores and
ate at the worst restaurants. wearing
and eating only what the associated
charities gave him. He would sleep
T nowhere except on the ground, his
favofite roosting place being under
someone's yeranda. He would take
a copy OF the Sunday Blast, wrap him
self up in 1t, and sleep. When people
woke in the night and heard strange
noises downstairs. they didn't tele-
/ phone for the police, but only NUT
tered, "Dlog. is sleeping under the por-
tico again tonight" II he had lived to-
day he would have been a typical
Weary Willie, or hobo.
For awhile, SO swelled was he on
the way the Athehians petted him on.
account Of his crankness. that he
lived In big jar. He did this, he
said, to show his contempt for other
people; probably to show how they
Jared on him. But the truth was he
was Only hunting notoriety, like Jake
coxey, Carrie Nation, Sieve Brodie,
Mayor Jim Dahlman, Emma Goldman.
and the divine healers who wear long
hair and night-shirts.
He made fun of science, mnsice. art,
literature, etc. He took great pride
IN not konwIng Kipling from Mary
McLane or ceramics from sciadca
being unfamiliar with the difference
between Mendelssohn and Charles *.
Harris. or Sousa, and he didn't care
two whoops as to whether the milky
way were made OF condensed milk.
chalkwater or sterilized. cow-extract.
He handed out warm one to the mu-
sicians, that is, applauded a good deal
IN secret, yet, whats the USE, said
Diogenes with his justly celebrated
sneer, "cf trying to get hafdony from
instruments, when the musicians
themselves are the most lnharmonious
bunch OF knockers that ever played
the anvil chorus on. each others Co
COAST"
He was the Fra Elbertus Of his time,
He was foxy to the fact that the more
he wiped hts feet On people, the
brighter they would think him. "a
some pirates captured him and sold
him as a slave, but wherever they put
him he talked so much like harmless
ward patient that they wore blurred
into letting him do as he pleased. One
man. in Corinth hired him to teach his
children, because the old man acted
so nutty he took HIN for 8 schools
teacher.
There Is d story that plt genes was
taken into the presence % Alexs nder
the Gfeat, one time. Dlosenes " asn't
ratified bit, and when the big fellow
handed dog. his card. Dlog. SHE'D II at
a passing citizen and told Alex who
he himself was. That faded Alex q
BIT, but when he asked Dlog. What
can / do for you?" and the old sass.box
said. "You can get out of my sun.
light" Alex. FLUSHED like a girl and
said. eif wasn't Alexander I'd rather
be ioiogenes." Alex. meant II for a
compliment. Diogenes was very
proud OF his ignorance and had much
to be proud OF.
tcopyr!Ght. 1000, by W. a chapman.l
The best store sebargains advertised
today might be the very thing you
,ssa ~ ~ httv fnd a " ~ ~ ,tss 80