The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-10-23
NEARLY Sawed!
That's What Happsnd to Hank Dew
berry Down to Ranse Jonses' Saw
Mill Awful Close Shave for
Hank Horrible PartickIers Below!

Hank Dewberry, one of Our most
indolent and disrespecktful citizens,
went through turrible experients on
Thursday of last week, the sackred
mernry of which will haunt him to his
grave he thinks, and Hank says if his
hair don't turn snow white after what
he past through it will be awful sur
prise to him. Hank says he'll be dog
goned if he would be mite surprised
if his hair would all fall out by the
roots and he wouldn't blame it if it
did Hank says even now several days
after what he went through is past and
gone, when he suddintly thinks about
it the cold SWEET of anguish stands out
on his forehead and he shakes like a
leaf He says that once when he was
filling his pipe from his tobacker pouch
he happend to think about it, and dog
nashion if his fool hands didn't shake
so that he went and dropped his pipe
and broke it all to thunder and dropt
his tobaker pouch and split every bit
of tobacker o,1ten it into the sinkhole
back of his kitchen, where he couldn't
use it agin.
Last Thursday morning Hank got up
about a. m. as ushual, and not havin
anything partickler to do and yet being
anxshious to put in his time sumhow
or other Hank he walks down to Ranse
Jones' sawmill which is located at
Snake Crick, 2 mile below Bingvil1e.
Well, when Hank arrove at the saw
mill he found Ranse busy saving out
pine timber Ranse he seemed to be
kinder glad to see Hank, and so the
two of EN- set down on a long pine
log which Ranse had just rolled on the
carriage and started aginst the saw.
Of course Hank and Ranse set down
on the end of the log furthest away
from tother end which the saw had
begin 20 saw into. The carriage, as
everybody knows, carries the log aginst
the saw inch by inch until the log is
sawed through, and then the carriage
is run back and the log shifted over a
leetle mite and the saw started into the
log agin, according to whether it is
being sawed up into boards or planks
or what.
1t is up and down saw and the teeth
in same is about 2 inches and quarter
long and as sharp as needles.
Well, while 'Ranse and Hank set there
tall<in about one thing and another the
saw was slowly working lords them
getting nearer to EN- every minnit
Bye and bye when the saw was about
2 #. off from them Ranse he says: Il
reckon it's about time for US to git
often this log, Hank, and find seats
somers else"
YES" says Hank, 'T calteilate it is
unless we desire to be sawed IN two. "
Hank is probably one of the LATEST
human beings in all this country round
abouts, but when he is settin on a
log with a up-and-down saw comm
lords him he will, in a pinch, git up
and find seat somers else ruther than
be cut in half
Ranse he got up and started away
and Hank he made moshion to arise
from the log, but somethink jerked him
back agin it and he set down on the
log hard where he had been settin be-
fore Hank then tried TO git up agin
leetle mite harder, but with the same
result BY this time the cold sweat be-
gin to stand out all over Hank and he
hollered for help, but the saw made
so much noise that Ranse didn't hear
him just then Ranse turned around to
see if Hank was comm and was hor-