davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1909-07-11

Maxwell Thomas & Tolman Auto Co.
"a 1928 I st. NV Tel NJ i470
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1909-07-11

How'd you like TO be a New York
fan. and with the New York fans stand,
while the Pittsburg Pirates WallOped
the Giants twice in one dav and again
the next day?
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1909-07-11

Pierce Arrow Cook Stoddard Co, s2i
and NV. Tel n $3.50
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
In a London Omnibus.

London bus driver was hailed by
q clerical-looking old gentleman. and
on the first opportunity he remarked
to the conductor: do you know who
you've got inside, Bill? It's Cardinal
Mannin'!" go on, that amt Car
dinal Mannin'" said the conductor, Il
know i'm" They argued further, and
finally bet shilling over it. When
collecting fares the conductor deter
mined to set matters right by direct
inquiry. Excuse me, sir, but are you
Cardinal Mannin'?" The venerable
passenger looked him coldly and bold
ly in the eye. and answered. What
the devil has that got to do with you?"
The conductor was satisfied, but even
at the sacrifice of bob he had to get
even with the passenger. Putting his
head out of the door he called up to
the driver: You are right, Bill; 1t
was is 'oliness."
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
HIS OFFER NOT APPRECIATED
Elderly Gentleman May have Meant
Well, But the pamsel Was
Suspicious.

The plump waiter girl at the lunch
counter, having nothing to do at the
moment, was trying to reach with her
fingernails place on her back we'll
up between the shoulders. but with
her short and chubby arms she was
unequal to the task. In vain she
squirmed and struggled, and twisted
her face. She failed to achieve the
desired connection.
The elderly man on the outside OF
the counter, who had been fighting a
piece Of overdone steak, leaned for
ward and spoke to her In a low tone,
but with intense earnestness.
"My dear young woman" lie said,
pardon the freedom Of man who
has grandchildren almost as old as
you are, but II you will come little
closer I shall take pleasure in scratch
ing that spot for you, as see that you
can't quite"
Mind your own business!" she
snapped.
How seldom-O, how seldom-'is q
Sood deed or generous impulse ap'
preciated in this ungrateful world!
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
The Business Instinct.

A small Detroit boy was given a
drum for Christmas present, and
was beating it vociferously on the
sidewalk, when a nervous neighbor
appeared and asked. "How much
did your father pay for that drum,
my little MANI"
twenty-five cents, sir" was the
reply.
:. "Will you take dollar for it?"
"Oh, yer, SIR" said the boy Gag.
erly. INA said she hoped I'd sell
1t for ten cents"
The exchange was made, and the
drum put where it wouldn't make
any more noise, and the nervous
man chuckled over his stratagem.
But to his horror, when he got
home that night, there were four
drums beating In front Of his
house, and as he made his appear.
ance, the leader stepped UP and
said, cheerfully: These are my
cousins, sir. / took that dollar and
bought four new drums. DO you
want to give us "a for them?"
The nervous neighbor rushed In.
to the house in despair, and the
drum corps is doubtless beating
yet in front of his house.
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
TOOK THE OLD FELLOW BACK
Actors Joking Remark Considerable
Shock to the Dignity of the
Old Gentleman.

There is Thanksgiving story about
Henry h, Dixey, the comedian, that his
friends at the Lambs never tire Of tell
ing.
Mr.. Dixey, while visiting Philadel
phia one autumn, attended q very
aristocratic Thanksgiving ball In Rit
tenhouse square.
While supper was being served, Mr.
Dixey ranged himself behind the sup
per table with the IL or Is walters
busy there. Soon mild hammered old
gentleman with white hair approached
the actor, glass in hand.
Would you mind filling my glass
with champagne, please" he said.
Mr.. DiXey started, drew himself uI
and said, with look of horror:
Certainly not, sir; certainly not
You have already had more than II
good for you"
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
Doctors Versus Lawyers.

Most lawyers take a keen delight
trying to confuse medical experts
in the witness box in murder trials,
and often they get paid back In
their own coin. A case is recalled
where the lawyer, after exercising
all the tangling tactics without of.
feet, looked quizzically at the doc.
tor who was testifying and said:
you will admit that doctors
sometimes make mistakes, won't
you?"
"Oh. yes; the same as lawyers
was the cool reply.
And doctors : mistakes are
buried six feet under ground" was
the lawyers triumphant reply.
Eyes," he replied, "and the law
yers' mistakes often swing In tht
eir."--Philadelphia Public Ledger
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
A Double Deliuht,

Congratulate me-" said young Smith
to fellow clerk. I'm going to get
married"
Fine. Glad to hear it. But don't
marry all her family"
"Oh, there's only one sister-a
twin" said Smith.
Look alike?" asked the other.
Cant tell 'em apart"
well, that's rather awkward, isn't
1t? How do you know which is
which,"
WELL" confessed Smith, "up to
date haven't tried very hard"
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

ing. when many of the boys swing
themselves out Of their hammocks
unusually early in order to dress
the ship with holiday greens ere
the sun is up.
Usually the gibes for the Off,
GERS are reserved for the minstrel
show in the evening, but there
have been occasions in the history
of the navy when the bluejackets
played decidedly practical jokes on
their superiors in connection with
the Christmas dinner. For in
stance, at Shanghai, China, a few
years ago, a delegation of the en-
listed men got ashore almost as
soon as the ship dropped anchor in
port, and having forestalled the
wearers of gold braid they proceed
ed to corner" the limited market
of turkeys. ~ Thus they had plenti-
full slices of the light and dark
meat at their spread, while the
ward-room mess had to put up with
a not altogether satisfactory sub
stitute. The high prices paid for
fdwl on this occasion constitute
bit one of many illustrations that
might be cited to prove how lavish
are the bluejackets in their expen-
ditures when it comes to providing
ammunition for the proper observ-
ance of Christmas.
The mischievous nature OF these
boys grown tall crops out in the
character of many of the contests
that take place on Christmas after
noon. There are boxing, wrestling
and fencing contests that are in
deadly earnest, but there are also
such merriment makers as egg
races, potato races, three-legged
races, sack races, ETC., and finally
there are ludicrous pie-eating con-
tests and similar stunts. A time
honored Christmas prank aboard
Yankee fighting ships is that
wherein procession of fantastic
ally garbed sailors visits the cap
tain's quarters, carrying a bucket
of whitewash, and petitions the
commanding officer to literally or
figuratively wipe out all scores or
demerits standing against members
OF the crew for minor infractions
of the rules. If the master of the
craft is not utterly lacking in that
tact and discernment which makes
for popularity in the navy, he hast
ems to take cognizance of the spir-
1t of the day by granting this re-
quest for universal clemency.
The opportunities for enjoyment
open to our American bluejackets
at Christmas have been materially
enhanced by the present policy OF
having the warships, whenever
possible spend the holidays in
some populous port. For instance,
the plan, at this writing, is to have
The big battleship feet spend
sss2 -
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
no Chl4NS77z4S Lk77ERS 70 TIE fOZI5 IT HO7zE-

that people enjoying during the closing
week of December Of Uncle Sans
NAV Christmas home if the ship
which be where his
or other relatives but naturally that is contn
eency for any boys blue The
is bound to be Christmas plans
accordingly.
Nany of the the Christmas
the navy indicate all else that of animal spirits
that might expected whole community of redbooded
and riliany healthy who have been
previously This accounts for the
given sports athletic contests the yuede
OF course competitions do not monopoze
on There other redletter the
twentyh December not forgetting the traditional
mas spread and the almost inevitable which
rounds out day. connection with these way
mat the men-ow play many of the pranks the pv
age of nractcpg right
on such occasions.
Your keen-witted naval sailor dearly joke
occasion and all through buejackets display
propensity playing pranks that might be expected of body
Of husky lads who combine with strenuosy that rreponsi
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
a TInnLe 10 Give.

Every boy and girl should make
something to give to another at
Christmas time: there is scarcely
anyone who Is not able to do some
rhing to make another person hap.
py ct this season Of the year.
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10
All the Same to Her.

II must warn you, dearest" he said,
"that after we are married you will
very likely find me inclined to be ar
bitrary and dictatorial in my manner"
"No matter" she replied, cheerfully,
"I won't pay the slightest attention to
what y0u saw"
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

Christmas in New York harbor. This means plen-
ty OF entertainment for the bluejackets when they
have Shore leave" and 1t likewise gives many of
the tars opportunity to entertain fair friends
aboard and proudly show them over the floating
fortress.
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

frequented corner of the ship, wri.
ting to loved ones at home, play
ing cards, or mayhap exchanging
Christmas geetings with friends on
other ships of the feet by means
Of the picturesque wig-wag system
of flag signaling.
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

tality which comes with the comforting assurance
or an unfailing supply of substantial food and
warm clothing. At Christmas this spirit reaches
a. climax. The tars play pranks on each other;
they play pranks on their officers, who cannot
resent such attentions at this time, and they are
pretty apt to play pranks on every body in sight.
rhey start in before daylight on Christmas morn
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

Another new line Of policy IN
the navy that makes all hoi'
days more worth while Is
that outlined in the recent
order of the secretary OF the
navy which prescribes that work
aboard our warships shall be reduced
to a minimum on Sundays and holi-
days. Even ship inspection and in
spection of the crew are dispensed
with on such occasions-or rather Is
The Montgomery tribune., 1909-12-10

IL ordered that such functions shall take place on
other day and that the men be given prac-
tically free day" for their own amusement.
Bluejackets who do not attend as participants or
onlookers the Christmas athletic program may
often be found on the holiday reading in some un-
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
SUPERVISORS DUTY.

The Board of Supervisors Of the
City and County of Honolulu should
he guided in their dealings with the
Mayor by purpose single to the adj
vancement of efficient government
while striving to understand and per-
feet the municipal law.
Broadly put, the responsibility
placed upon the Supervisors is to give
the people frst-class results under a
law that is probably as incomplete
as any ever put on the statute books.
We doubt that anything the Super
visors may do can assist the Demo-
cratic party when that political or
ganization is represented by Mayor
who acts not on his own initiative
and opinions. but according to the
direction of a collection of politicians
posing as his managers. This city
has already had enough Of that sort
of executive authority, and even the
Civic Federationists may be able to
appreciate the follies committed in
the last election.
This, however, is not the issue for
the moment.
The people seek progressive, intel
ligent governmental service. The Su-
pervisors, as the Legislative author
ity, have the principal responsibility
to carry. The Mayor has become the
Hgurehead of certain political ad-
visers."
The Supervisors duty is to force a
complete Interpretation of the Mu'
nicipal Act in order that the Legisla'
ture now in session may make such
amendments as well perfect the very
imperfect law, and thus prevent .
repetition of the present conflict that
appeals to the average citizen as {
waste of time and energy.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT.

With the exception of George
Washington, no President of the Uni
ted States can more truthfully be
said to have voluntarily laid aside
the duties Of that high Office than
Theodore Roosevelt.
There is no doubt that Roosevelt
could have been renOminated for u
third term as President, and nomina-
tion would have meant election. His
patriotic allegiance to the unwritten
law established by the first President
is the sole reason why Mr.. Roosevelt
is today closing his work preparatory
20 return to private life, instead of
making ready to continue the duties
OF the highest Office in the land for
another four years.
In all the list of achievements with
which the career of Roosevelt Is filled,
the future historian may find no more
striking evidence OF his claim to be
numbered among the greatest men of
our history than is contained in his
definite personal refusal to listen 10 y
popular call and overthrow prec-
edent in connection with the term of
Presidential service.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

on the volcano road. The County Of
Hawaii could not do this work of II.
self"
kaleiopu Surprised.
Kaleiopu was very much surprised
at the statement of Mr. Rice. The Ter.
ritory was confronting financial
crisis. It Is true that tho county Is
beneRttlng by the labor Of the prison
crs--but the Territory is paying S75,.
coo for their support.
II must admit that the prisoners
are in direct competition with citizen
labor. But when drafted this bill !
did so with the idea that the prison
should become self-supporting, like the
Boys Industrial Home
I'm Il short time we will find other
institutions, like the Maternity Home
and the hospitals, springing up for the
Territory to support
The prisoners can do their own
shoe making. They can help the in.
stitution. The Boys Industrial School
is almost entirely solrsuppOrting now.
why cant these men confined In pris-
on walls, physically strong, mentally
strong, do the same. They are there
dependent on the people to support
them. That Is the only object had in
drafting this bill"
Rice called KalciOpu's attention to
the fact that the additional apprOpria.
| ton bills calls for an additional ammo.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
TENEMENT HOUSE MEASURE
Continued from Page y

ment at hard labor shall be detailed
or employed on any public roads,
streets, public highways, public places,
public thoroughfares, lanes, sidewalks
of the Territory, Municipal or County
upon application for that purpose from
any road supervisor or board of super.
visors to the High Sheriff under whose
supervision and control they were
committed"
Long called for the reading of the
report OF the Health and Police com
mittee. This, strangely enough, rec
commended the passage OF the bill on
the ground that 1t would make the
prison self.supporting.
Rice Objects.
II do not see where this bill will
benefit the Territory at all " said Rice,
| think the object of the bill was to
cut out prisoners from work on public
roads asd in the quarries. But hold
that the counties are spending all the
money they can afford for roads. The
County of Oahu Is getting the most
benefit from the work Of the prisoners,
aud think they should continue to
work. II can hurt no one, for all the
money ihat can be spent Is being
spent. Look ut the work being done
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
MARCH 8, 1909

Il is no small thing to lay aside
power and the honor of such an of
fee. a little man would have listen
ed To the hattery and the popular
acclaim.
Roosevelt, without saying so in cX-
act words, plainly told the people of
the United States that no greater fol-
~ could be committed than to assume
that only one man exists capable of
satisfying the demands of the office
of President Of the United States. He
furthermore set an example for flu
ture generations in dealing with pos
siblc occupants of the Office who for
selfish and unpatriOtiC reasons might
attempt TO hold on indefinitely.
Mr.. Roosevelt will leave the Office
with the record of having been the
agent and the spokesman OF great
| National moral uplift. lie has per.
suniHed a National sentiment OF not
necessarily higher ideals, but of q
higher moral plane in practise. lie
I has voiced the demand for unfailinp
allegiance to the first principles OF
popular government and common
! honesty in the administration OF
public affairs.
lie has been strenuous in every
sense Of the word. He has made mis-
takes, but his service as President ha,
not been marked by Il single retro
gressive step.
Roosevelt has been a great Presi
dent in so far as he has been an hon
ca man,
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Hawaiis Supreme Court says that
the Honolulu municipal law was
Matched from San Francisco eggs
with shears and pastepot. Is any
further suggestion needed to convince
the Legislature that 1t should pass
amendments that will make the crea-
ture look like real municipal law?
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Hohson says Pearl Harbor is the
apex Of the world. That being the
case. someone should join him in his
commendable effort to make Com
Rrcss realize It and make approprla-
lions accordingly.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Make up your mind that the coun-
" and municipal governments have
come to stay. Don't waste your time
and energy In striving to check Amer
lean progress.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Hawaii's House of Representatives
will gain the credit in Washington
and California OF having thrown its
influence with the foreign-ship lobby
that has done its utmost and been
very successful in wiping the Amer
Jean Flag from the face of the waters.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
Tenement Bill Passed.


One of the most important measures
taken up on third reading was Dou-
thitts tenement house bill" amend.
ing the Municipal Net by giving the
Board of Supervisors authority "tO
prescribe and regulate the method and
style OF construction of carpenter, ma.
chine blacksmith and other work
shops. foundries. bakeries and other
factories, laundries. poi.shops, abat.
toirs, fish.markets and places where
nOisome trades or manufactures are
carried on, hotels. tcnemcnts. lodging.
houses. theatres, halls aud places Of
public resort; to prescribe and regu-
late the places where and the condi.
lions under which these may be erect
ed and maintained"
The measure takes away the above,
| powers from the Board of Health and
puts them in the hands of the Super.
visors.
The vote on this bill was taken with.
cut any preliminary discussion. and
stood 81 to in favor Of its passage.
Should Pass.
Coelho's Senate Bill II. Kaleiopu in.
troduced an amendment so sweeping
that the bill recqmmitted to the Mis-.
cellaneous Committee.
House Joint Resolution 5. providing
that In fixing teachers salaries the De
partment of Public instruction shall
| first consult with the School agents,
was referred to the Education Com.
mittee.
Shingles Bill.
Single introduced bill relating to
service of legal summons on absentee
owners Of real estate within the Ter.
ritory.
Committee Reports.
The Health and Police Committee
recommended that Nakaleka's resolu.
ton, to appropriate $500 for the free
transportation of freight of the lepers,
be laid on the table to be considered
with the appropriation bill. A similar
| report was made In reference to the
Governors message Of February "a
recommending an appropriation for a
leprosy experiment laboratory at Ho
nolulu.
On recommendation of the same
| committee Anonso's rat resolution. to
appropriate $4,000 for the extermln
alton of the Hilo rats and $1,000 for
Board of Health improvements at the
same place, was also tabled. The
| same action was taken in regard to
House Resolution 3S, to appropriate
$4,000 for n jail at Kailua, and House
Resolution SO, relating to appropria-
ton for salaries and pay of employees
OF the Board of Health at Hilo.
The Health and Police Committee
recommended that the request made In
the petition of the insane asylum
! guards be not granted.
Hihio presented a resolution provid.
! ing for the appropriation of $1,000 for
the Lahaina armory.
Second Reading.
| II. Il SS. Rice. providing for the
turning over of district court houses.
jails, public hospitals. aims house. $.
etc. to the counties-Police and
Health Committee.
II. b. 81, Rice, turning over to the
City and County of Honolulu after
July |, 'O9, the district court house.
jails and hospitais-Police and Health
Committee.
II. b. 30, Rice, providing for the APP
pointment Of jailors by the High Sher.
III except those of the City and County
Of Honolulu-Police and Health Com.
mittec.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

If the happiest man in the world
We're to be picked today, it would
probably be Roosevelt. Tomorrow he
will be rid OF all the responsibilities,
but anticipation is always more pleas
ant than the realization.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Many people in Hawaii jump at
faas in government Just as they do
in religion. Every new scheme is
hailed as the perfection of all that Is,
and it IS easier to upset things than
try to perfect them. The people must
learn that nothing has yet been in
vented superior to the American sys-
TEN of representative government.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
NOTICE TO MARINERS.

SAN FRANCISCO ENTRANCE.
Notice is hereby given that Fort
Point Ledge Buoy, ?, red, heretofore
reported out of position, was replaced
Feb. 10.
BY order of the Lighthouse Board
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Government by Commission after
the Washington, d. c., plan does not
appeal to any property-owner when
the record shows a higher per capita
thWn MaWail by ten dollars head.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

II is rather interesting that the
latest movement in frenzied fnan-
cicriug is sponsored by individuals
who have long kept themselves busy
CrlIIrIAImn mLhnrs
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Men and women Of Hawaii should
join In the movement for the consor-
walton Of natural resources. 1t is
-MmILM MhiIn-
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

Develop The tax system. To go at
It with broad-aNc will make the
last condition worse than the first.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03

President Taft has a record that
shows him To- be even more favorable
To local scIr-govcrnmcut than Bouse-
welt.
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
FOR SALE.

Solar Heaters, 80 to 100 gallon ca
paoity. Galv. Tanks, s gallon to 500
gallon capacity. French Ranges, siz.
es A #. to 10 it,. for brick setting.
Range closets and seats suitable for
use in schools or plantations. Sheet
Metal Work and Plumbing, Estimates,
Jobbing promptly executed.
EMMELUTH G. CO.. LTD.
TEL. 2l1. 145 KING ST,
Evening bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1895-1912, 1909-03-03
For Sale
B A R G AIN /:

College Hills: a $500 property
for $450l