davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
A, STAGE MANAGERS Ruse.

The house bill Of the Imperial the
ater of La Roche-sur-Yon announced
Tor the evening performance La Tour
de Nesle," five act melodrama, and
La Soeur de Jocrisse," one act farce.
The drama had been disposed of, but
the low comedian was missing and
could not be found What was to be
done? A luminous idea finally entered
the managers mind. The orchestra
played an overture, then another,
then third, then polka and finally
a quadrille. at last, when the audi
ence had grown quite obstreperous,
the stage manager appeared. He ad-
dressed the three conventional bows to
the spectators and said: Ladies' and
gentlemen, you are anxious, know, to
listen to La Soeur de Jocrisse.' The
piece has just been acted, but through
an unaccountable oversight on the part
Of the stage hands they forgot to raise
the curtain
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
THE OLD TIME NAVY.
Treatment of British Jack Tars In
Nelson's Day.

Nelson's Day.
Jack tars. in the British navy in
Nelson's day were treated like dogs
and worse. Imps of midshipmen,
twelve or thirteen years old, were per-
mitted to cuff and kick them with i'm
punity, and none dared protest. Tor
ture, under the guise of punishment,
was part of the regular routine of the
service. From one to five dozen lashes
with the 'nine-tails could be in
flicted at the whim of a commander,
but the usual number was three Dozen
Such sentences were for trifling dere-
lotions of duty. For really serious Of
lenses, such as violence to a superior
officer, desertion or mutiny, offenders
were strung up at the yardarm or
logged round the fleet, the latter a
punishment more dreaded than death
itself. Other savage punishments,
such as "starting,' running the CANT
LETT and the hideous one known as
s'keelhauling' were also frequently re-
sorted to, although nominally they
were illegal.
Nowadays, of course, a bluejacket,
although subject to naval discipline,
is in no more danger of being subject
ed to corporal punishment than is the
average civilian.
His officers are courteous, kindly and
considerate, and if his life is not a
happy and comfortable one he has, in
ninety-nine cases out of a hundred,
only himself to blame. = Pearson's
Weekly.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Deaf Guests at Hotels.

TO waken deaf person who wishes
to be called at certain time in the
morning is about the hardest PROPOSE
ton hotel clerk runs up against"
said member of that fraternity. ITO
ring the telephone is useless, because
the man can't hear Knocking for the
same reason is futile Now and then
q guest who has lost his hearing sug-
gests that he leave his door open, so
we can walk right in and shake him,
but there are so many chances Of
somebody less guileless than ourselves
walking in ahead Of us that we can't
consent to that simple expedient. 1t
seems to me that the man who can
patent device for waking the deaf is
sure of fame and fortune, not to men
ton the gratitude of the brotherhood
OF hotel Clerks New York Globe.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
The Cuckoo.

Where does the cuckoo lay it's eggs?
What is it's staple diet? What course
does it take in it's autumn migration
when it returns to its African haunts?
These are questions that await salts
factory answers. Until it was found
that the cuckoo laid its egg on the
ground and subsequently carried it in
its bill to neighboring nest it was
supposed that the bird fed largely on
the eggs Of smaller birds. This fallacy
has been disproved. Probably in the
whole range of British birds there is
no other that can boast such curious
domestic traits as the cuckoo. It makes
no nest, does not attend to incubation
duties and rears no young and appar-
emily never sees the bird that is hatch
ed from the egg that it surreptitiously
places in the nest of some smaller bird.
London Globe.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Saw 1t In a Dream.

For many years ivory manufacturers
were trying to devise a machine for
turning out a billiard ball as nearly
perfect as possible and at the same
time avoiding waste. Among those
who strove to perfect such machine
was Mr.. John Carter of the firm of
John Carter & Son, we'll known ivory
manufacturers. One night. after Mr..
Carter had been striving to solve the
problem for some time, he suddenly
awoke his wife by shouting out, Il
have got it, and rushed downstairs
into his study. where he made draw
ing Of the last knife for the want of
which he had been so long waiting in
order to complete his machine It APP
pears that he had fallen asleep and
dreamed about the machine. and in the
dream the solution of the difficulty
was revealed to him.-London An
swers
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Why We LAUGH.

Laughter seems to be a specialized
form of either the scream of a star
tied or injured animal or the cry of
triumph common to many beasts Of
prey. In children the cry of terror
and the shout Of laughter often shade
into each other. and the young child
escaping from pursuit will scream with
laughter or fear, according to his
chances of escape. Some unexpected
event that causes slight. alarm short
of actual terror is the commonest cause
Of children's laughter, but in adults
some sudden event that gives q sensa-
ton Of triumph over others has much
more influence. Really clever jokes
seldom cause laughter. and It has been
pointed out that man chasing his
hat will produce laughter far more
hearty in character than the best eff
forts of the cleverest wit The sight
Of i'll fortune in another causes by
contrast feeling of triumph in our
selves. The ticklish parts of the body
are for the most part the sites of i'm
portant blood vessels, and the laughter
produced in children by tickling is
even more closely allied to the cry Of
pain.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
THE CRISIS.
A Loving Mother Guides Her Girl at
the FatefuI Moment.
ssYOur whole fut,1ro lifo 1onon6S

A Loving Mother Guides Her Girl at
the Fateful Moment.
"Your whole future life depends
upon it.
The mother, her face tinged with
sympathy which we must ever feel in
the presence Of an immaturity that is
hesitating between right and wrong,
laid her hand over that of her beauti-
full daughter.
Eyes, dear,' she continued, Into
every life there comes at one time or
another supreme temptation. If the
crisis is passed all is safe, but if you
yield at the fatal moment you cannot
retrace your steps. You are then com
mitted to fatal policy"
"But, mother, father says he cannot
afford it,
Exactly. Fathers from time i'm
memorial have always said that. 1t
is their way Of imposing on youth and
innocence. Go forth at once and buy
the gown. Do not forget that I am
with you, that I will stand back of
you with all the feeble strength 1 can
command"
So saying, the proud woman folded
into her arms the weak creature, who
even then, if it had not been for her
timely rescue, would have been be-
trayed into humiliating and shame
ful surrender.-Success Magazine.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
TELLING the Time

His horse had lost shoe, and as it
was being replaced by Somerset
blacksmith he asked the time. ssT'll
tell zee presently, SIR" said the man.
Then he lifted a hind foot of the
horse and. looking across it attentive.
~, said, Half past H."
"How do you know?" asked Cole
ridge
DO zee think l have shod horses all
my life and don't know by sign what
time it is?"
The poet went away puzzled, but re-
turned in the evening and offered the
blacksmith a shilling to show him how
he could tell the time by horses
hoof. -
Just you get off your horse. sir.
Now do zee -stoop down and look
through the hole in yon pollard ash
and you'll see the church clock"
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Smokeless Coal Combustion.

The burning of coal without smoke
is a question that concerns the federal
government because Of the extensive
use of coal in public buildings, and the
navy and experts have recently made Il
careful study of over 400 boiler plants
throughout the country. The report
given in bulletin of the geological
survey treats in detail the results of
observation in these plants, together
with the experience of the government
fuel testing plants at Norfolk and st.
Louis.
The conclusions are that only expert
firemen can burn coal containing a
large percentage of fixed carbon with
out producing smoke A few existing
plants in the country might be remod-
eled with advantage, while others
would have to be replaced with new.
well designed equipments in order to
reduce the loss and abolish the nui-
sance they occasion.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
MOUNT ETNA.
II Is Said to Hold All the Climates Of
the Earth,

II Is Said to Hold All the Climates Of
the Earth.
Mount Etna has furnished more ma
terial for travellers tales than any 9TH
er mountain on earth. Astonished Eng
ishmen Of a century ago, who fell
into the fashionable habit Of climbing
to its highest peak-and some did so,
to the amazement of the Sicilians, even
in the dead Of winter-have left on
record in the exuberant language of
their day the emotions that thrilled
their soul. 1.-The man who treads
Mount Etna,' wrote one OF these, sis
a man above the world. Every river
on the island can be traced from its
mouth to its source.
"The characters" the same writer
continues, "of all the climates of the
earth can be detected-the frigid close
around one, the temperate with it's
belt Of trees just beneath and the trop-
ical at the base Of the mountain, with
its vineyards and luxuriant groves. The
great ocean around, with the islands of
Lipari, Panari, Alicudi, Stromboli and
Volcano, with their smoking SUBMITS,
appear under your feet, and you look
down upon the whole of Sicily as upon
map"
In addition to all the climates, Etna
is reported to have trees that rival the
giants of California, lakes that never
thaw, bottomless caverns and salable
snow.-Chicago News.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
SEAWEED.

several Varieties Are Valuable For
Food Purposes.
SeaWeed is not much to look at, but
seaweed does not depend so much upon
beauty as upon more substantial merit
to make itself worthy Of attention.
Various species of it are used in manu-
factures, and several varieties are edi-
ble the most important of the latter
Delng Irish or carrageen moss, used in
the preparation Of s-blancmange
for instance-dulse or dillesk, very
highly thought of by Scotland, partic-
ularly when roasted by wrapping about
hot tongs, and kelp or tangle.
Irish moss and some other species.
particularly eel grass and fiat stalk rock
weed, have been found valuable as
cattle food, especially when boiled to
destroy the rank taste and mixed with
meal. The eel grass and rock weed
compare favorably with hay as regards
the most important constituent-pro-
tein-containing 6.O3 and S.21 per cent
respectively. They are deficient in fat,
but contain a large amount Of ash.
The great bulk Of the seaweed gath
cred, however, is used as a fertilizer,
and the average seaweed contains
large quantities of all the essential fer
tilizing elements. Allowing 10 cents a
pound for nitrogen. 2 cents a pound
for phosphoric acid and 4 cents a
pound for potash-and these are as
low prices as it is possible to procure
those materials in any form-a ton of
seaweed containing 80 per cent water
is worth as a fertilizer SLAP a ton
New York Times
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
A SWIFT STORY.
The Way the Dean Rebuked His Pub
fisher, Faulkner. 4

& no WY Inc Lean neOukoO tbs SIuOs
Usher, Faulkner. s.5
An amusing story Of George Faulk
ner, the printer Of many of Dean
Swift's works, who lived in Parliament
street, Dublin, is told by Mr.. Will
mot Harrison in Memorable Dublin
Houses" Mr.. Harrison relates how
Faulkner, after a visit to London on
business for Swift, called to see the
dean, having arrayed himself in laced
waistcoat, a bagwig and other topper
les. Swift received him tremendously
as an entire stranger and asked:
Pray, sir, what are your commands
with me?'
II thought it my duty to wait upon
you, sir, on my return from London"
Pray, sir, who are you?"
George Faulkner, the printer
you George Faulkner, the printer!
Why, thou art the most impudent,
barefaced impostor I ever heard Of!
George Faulkner is a sober, sedate citi-
zen and would never trick himself out
in lace and other fopperies. Get you
about your business and thank your
stars that I do not send you to the
house Of correction!'
Poor George returned home and,
having changed his dress, returned to
the deanery and was received most
cordially by Swift, who, having well
coined him ION his return from Lon
don," said:
s'There was an impudent fellow in a
laced waistcoat who would fain have
passed for you, but I soon sent him
| packing with flea in his ear
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
THE KINGS ORDER.
It Was obeyed, and Yet the Monarch
Was Not Happy.

It Was obeyed, and Yet the Monarch
Was Not Happy.
When King Gustavus, III. OF Sweden
was in Paris he was visited by depu-
tation Of the Sorbonne. That learned
body congratulated the king on the
happy fortune which had given him so
great a man as Scheele, the discoverer
Of magnesium, as his subject and fell
low countryman.
The king, who took small interest in
the progress of science, felt somewhat
ashamed that he should be so ignorant
as never even to have heard of the re-
nowned chemist. He dispatched cou-
rier at once to Sweden with the laconic
order, 3'Scheele is to be Immediately
raised to the dignity and title of a
count"
His majesty must be obeyed," said
der, ''but who in the world is Scheele?''
A secretary was told to make inquiries.
He came back to the premier with
very full information .sScheele is a
good sort Of fellow" said he, "a lieu
tenant in the artillery. a capital shot
and a first rate hand at billiards. -
The next day the lieutenant became a
count, and the illustrious scholar and
scientist remained simple burgher.
The error was not discovered until
the king returned home. His majesty
was indignant. s'You must all be
FOOLS" he exclaimed, mot to know
who Scheele is!''-Argonaut.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
HUGO AND THE YOUNG POET.
Praise For His Verses Which the Mas
s# ter Had Not Read.

Praise For His Verses Which tho Mas
sss ter Had Not Read.
Paris contemporary tells a story
Of Victor Hugo and a young unknown
poet. The poet, hailing from the prov
inces, sent to the author Of ..Notre
Dame de Paris a copy of his work,
which he had just published in the
form of a book of poems. Hugo re-
piled in most sympathetic terms, and
the young man was delighted with the
letter, as well he might have been.
& His JOY, however, was but short
lived, for day or two later his serv-
ant announced that the package con-
tanning the volume Of poems had come
back through the post unopened. The
package bore the legend, "Refuse par
le destinataire "a reimbursement in
sut1lsant" (refused by the addressee on
account of insufficient POSTAGE.
Hugo's letter was hyperbolic and in
these terms: 'Your work has given me
proud pleasure, under the impression
OF which hasten to congratulate you.
Your fame is young and radiant; mine
is declining. It is the salutation of the
night which departs at the rising Of
the dawn. You are shining, and am
dying. You emerge from oblivion;
return there.
The heart either grows hard or
breaks forth. Your sentiments have
come forth, and you have written So
norous and superb poetry which conse-
crates you as poet as well as affirm
ing you as man. You are then 'deux
lois mon frere' (twice my brother).
Accept my admiration as great as my
esteem
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
PASSPORTS.
Method Of Applying For Them to the
State Department.

Method Of Applying For Them to the
State Department..
Passports are issued to citizens of
the United States upon application to
the state department in Washington
The application must be accompanied
by an affidavit attested by notary
public or other officer empowered to
administer oaths stating that the ap-
plicant is citizen and giving the
place Of birth and age, and it must be
accompanied by the certificate of on.
other citizen to whom he is personally
known that the declaration made by
the applicant is true.
The application must be accompa-
MED by a description of the person,
particularly as to age, height, COM
plexion, forehead, eyes, nose, mouth,
chin, hair and face. Blank forms are
furnished by the state department. on
application. The fee for each passport
is 81. Citizens travelling abroad may
also obtain passports by applying to
United States ambassadors and minis.
ters
Where any person has made"a dec
laration Of Intention to become citi
zen Of the United States and has re.
sided in the United States for three
years passport valid for six months
may be issued to him. This passport
Is not renewable and does not entitle
the holder to the protection of this
government in the country Of which
he was originally citizen.-New York
American.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

Little did Jay Gould imagine thirty
five years ago that the interesting lit
tie toy the telephone would some day
become SO big and ravenous as to COB
BILE up the Western Union Telegraph
company. -
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

More diamonds and automobiles were
imported into the United States in o.
tober than in any previous month in
the country's history. which would in
dictate that the hard times are over
and that Christmas is coming.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

The need of a United States postal
savings bank system is pretty strongly
suggested in the report of the audi
tor for the postofice department 1t
shows that last year about $431 ,OOO,-
600 American money was sent to Eu-
rope by foreigners who have conf.
dence only in banks that are run by
the government.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
The O+her Side

Hank Stubbs-I fixed one Nv them
air agent fellers today. Bige Miller
How so? Hank Stubs WAL. he
come sneakin' up to my front door an
asst me eff the lady Nv the house wuz
In, an said no, but the gentleman
Nv the barn an boss stables is.-Bos-
ton Herald.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Serxad Him Rioht.

"You're looking very gloomy today,
Tom1ins. What's the matter?'
Matter! Do you know Miss Parno,
the old maid that lives over the way?
Dawkins told me that she was en-
gagged to him, so just for the fun of
the thing l went and proposed to her.
and she accepted me. Now I'm look
ing for Dawkinsw -London Tit-Bits.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

There was no earthquake in Jamai-
ca, but the recent five days rain and
wind storm there seems to have been
wild enough to make the people will
ing to take one instead.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Still There

Peckham (meeting an old friend)-
Why, Dingley, is this you? I haven't
seen you for ten years. How are you
anyhow? Dingley-Oh. I'm just like
used to be. BY the way, Peckham,
how's your wife? You used to say
you had the boss girl when you were
single. Peckham (sadly)-She's still
boSS.-Life
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

The Spaniards still insist that, al
though matadore is occasionally
wounded in bullfght, their national
sport is far less brutal than the puri-
*anic game Of football.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
A Gastronomic Fast

"Ah, I've seen some rough times,
Sir" said an old salt. "Once we were
wrecked and we'd eaten all. our provi-
sions. Then we ate our belts, and then
the ship turned turtle, and we ate her
too!''
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

The Economist says that in two cen
turtles we won't produce enough for
our support But that's all right A
Cornell professor says that children
will cease to be born in 100 years
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
A Bunch of Kicks.

'The world wipes it's feet on me-"
said the doormat.
And every hand is against me-" said
the push button-Kansas City Star.
Il am continually being sat on" COM
planned the soft cushion.
"And get beaten hard for the light.
est thing the egg groaned. = Boston
Transcript.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Hard to Tell.

III your mother bought four punches
OF grapes, the shopkeeper's price being
ninepence a bunch, how much money
would the purchase cost her?v asked
the new teacher.
You never can tell,'' answered Tom
my, who was at the head Of the class.
Mas great at bargaining!''- London
Answers.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
The caddie,s Sheer.

Golfer-The day l get round these
links in under hundred I'll give you
shilling, Sandy! Juvenile Caddie
Hoo will I want it when I'm DRAWN
me auld age pension :-London Punch.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

The Monroe doctrine, backed IN nv
the might of the American people,
numbering some 100000, would
prove stronger bulwark against Ger
man encroachment than few Caua-
dian warships.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

The Medical Record presents Stats
tics to show a list of fatalities from
American football greater in one sea-
son than have occurred in twenty
years in thirteen large English schools
and one university.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

A nephew of Cyrus W. Field has
perfected new instrument for stimuli
taneous sending Of four messages over
one wire. Electricity runs in the blood
of that family
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
His Nowels.

Ethel-7Have you noticed how Lord
B1fnker drops his aspirates? Fred
It's nothing to the way he drops his
vowels; I've got more than dozen Of
his o Us myself London Scraps.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
Light.

Father-You seem to look at things
in very different light since your
marriage. Newly Married Daughter
Well, so ought after receiving four
teen lamps and nine candelabra for
wedding presents.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

Don't order food by phone,'' says
the Women's Municipal league of Bos-
ton. Go yourself and see what the
shop looks like" This course has the
added advantage of providing little
outdoor exercise.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

Some nervous people have been ex-
pecting Halley's comet to hit some
thing, but they didn't think it would
be John D. Rockefeller.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

Airships are objects Of police regula-
ton in Russia. Probably the bomb
proof roofs on the imperial palaces
scattered here and there are unin-
ished.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
OF Vital Importance.

Mrs. Benham-The doctor says that
mother won't live until morning. Ben
ham-Does he promise that or merely
predict it?-New York Press.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09
He Knew,

Young Woman (adoringly)-It must
be awfully nice to be wise and know,
oh, everything! Yale Senior-It is.-
Yale Courant.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

With president to tell congress
what to do, nothing remains but to
pass few enabling acts.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

It is easier to appear worthy Of a
position one does not hold than Of the
Office one fills.-La Rochefoucauld.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

OIL has this time been thrown on
troubled waves without shilling them.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-12-09

There can be no profit If the outlay
exceeds it-Plautus.