davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
THE GRUMBLER

"I see they are to have a hookless
waist" said HIS wife.
And just as l had got to be an
expert I'm hooking them. " he growled,
being natural kicker.-Philadelp
Ledger.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26

Says the Boston Herald: The
most dangerous foes of the tubercu'
losis bacilH are pure air, sunlight,
nutritious food and rest from work
and undue exercise. And while the
records OF rapidly multiplying sana.
torla private and state show that a
patient makes hls fight best with
the aid OF oxDorts' rrvision. It is
by no means necessary.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
THE FUTURE.

Tommy-"Say, papa, l wish you
would tell me something"
Well, what is it?"
Tommy-"When you were a little
boy who was my papa?"-Chicago
News
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
Too SERIOUS For snort.

In Canada business dominates
sport. Figure it all out, and you will
hnd that Canada's motto is: sport
for boys, business for men. Can
adian Courier, Toronto.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
THE POISON AND THE ANr1DorE

Agent (hailing newly arrived
steamer What have you got for
us?"
There's three hundred
cases O. gin. And there's a couple o.
missionaries! Punch.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26

Mrs Henpeck (to her husnaud) -
What would you do it ] were to-
dio2"
Honpeck-"It would drive me
crazy
Mrs Henpeck Would you marry
agaiu?"
Honpock "I don't tint II would
Do ~ ssasT ~ Pioneer Press.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
THE REMNANTS

Reginald" Uncle died in Europe
last week, and they are bringing his
remains home on the steamer"
Marjorie" You mean remnants. {"
Life.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
Liz LII 81 rnIENns nrsr.

why don't you ever write any new
jokes?"
Wouldn't be any use" answered
the contributor to the humorous
weeklies. "These editors arc % foxy
lot. They would recognize and throw
them out at once. Louisville Cour-
ier-Journal.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
STRUCK SENSELFSs

~When she hit him with the golf
ball, did 1T knock him senseless?"
81 guess so. L understand they are
soon to marry. Town and Country.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
WELL PRESERVED.

ais she a well-preserved woman?"
yes, guaranteed under the Food
and Drug act. Town and Country.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-01-26
QUESTION.

QUESTION.
How can a man
BE a cheerful giver,
When what he has
Is a sluggish liver?
birmingham Age Herald.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22


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The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22
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The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22

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The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22
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The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22
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The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-03-22
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River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
DIDN'T REALIZE
How Injurious Coffee Really Was.

Many persons go on drinking coffee
year after year without realizing that
it is the cause of many obscure but
persistent ailments.
The g-caffeine-in coffee and
tea, is very like uric acid and is often
the cause of rheumatic attacks which,
when coffee is used habitually, become
chronic.
A Washington lady said, recently:
Il am sixty-five and have had good
deal of experience with coffee. con.
slider it very injurious and the cause
of many diseases. am sure it causes
decay of teeth in children.
when 1 drank coffee had sick
spells and still did not realize that
coffee could be so harmful, till about
a year ago l had rheumatism in my
arms and fingers, got so nervous
could not sleep, and was all run down
AT last, after finding that medicines
did me no good, I decided to quit cot
fee entirely and try Postum. After
using it six months / fully recovered
my health beyond all expectations, can
sleep sound and my rheumatism is all
gone" There's a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich. Read the famous little
book, 1.-THE Road to MELVILLE" in pkgs
Ever read the above Ietters new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full OF humat
interest.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
LONGEVITY Encouraged.

That longevity is deserving of re-
ward in China is proved by the fol-
lowing curious imperial edict from Pc
kin: "The sons of those people who
are over 70 years of age are to be ex-
empted from the services of the gov
eminent; the brevet button of the
ninth rank is to be given to those who
are over 80 years of age; the breyet
button of the eighth rank is to be
given to those who are over 80 years
of age; the brevet button of the
seventh rank is to be given to those
who are over 100 years of age; the
brevet button of the sixth rank is to
be given to those who are 120 years
of age; and monuments are also-to be
erected for those who are 100 years
of age and over"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
WHAT A FORMER OREGON
FARMER THINKS OF WEST
ERN CANADA.

Albert Nelson left Benton Co., Ore
gon, in Sept, 1904, for the great
Canadian prairies. To quote from hts
letter.: Il was greatly surprised to
find such an immense stretch of rich
virgin prairie still almost unoccupied
in the very heart of North America.
The splendid crops of oats, wheat, bar
ley, potatoes and hay / beheld in the
settlements made me very eager for a
piece of this rich soil, and l soon To-
Gated in the Goose Lake country. We
have here a great stretch of the rich,
deep clay loan of the Saskatchewan
soil heavy and hard to break, but
particularly we'll adapted for the re-
tention Of moisture and production OF
the bright No. l hard wheat, and
great crops of oats, barley, flax and POI
tatoes. l had 60 bushels of oats,
weighing AL Id. to the bushel, per
acre. Some of my neighbors had still
greater yields. Wheat yielded from 20
to 80 bushels per acre. We have all
done we'll here, and l could name
many Americans who came here with
means to go ahead, who have done
big already. For homesteads one has
to go further west, but the best prai-
RE can be bought here for from $1,000
to $1,000 per acre. The climate is
dry and healthy. This is the regular
Saskatchewan fall weather = frosty
nights, and bright, sunny d1ys-ideal
for threshing and hauling out of
wheat. The trails are dusty. as thou
sands of wheat teams are moving
towards the elevators.
"The sight of it makes one stop and
wonder what it will be in few years
when the immense prairies get under
cultivation. Heavy snowfall is the
exception here. Snow generally falls
in December and goes off I'm March.
1t sometimes gets very COLI, but the
Saskatchewan farmer does not fear
the cold. Winter is his season of
rest. The first or second crop he
builds a comfortable house for him.
self, and warm stables for his horses.
He need not, like some, be poking
about in the mud all winter attending
few beasts for livelihood"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
WHAT WIFE SAYS "eoEs."
But It Sometimes Is Bad for the
Painting.

When a property-owner knows moth
ing about paint it is bad for the
property-owner, and bad for the paint.
er. It would not be so If the property
owner would always hire a skilled
painter and then really leave every
thing to him. But the HORSEPOWER SO
often fools himself on one or the other
of these things.
The skilled painter in every commu-
nifty has some Of the most incompetent
competitors that ever vexed a consci-
entious workman or contractor, and
the incompetents get jobs generally by
working cheap. In the next place,
when the skilled painter is hired, they
do not leave everything to him, as SO
many property-owners boast they do.
They interfere most ignorantly and
most fatally. They insist sometimes
on using paint materials without in
vestigating whether they are good or
not. Or perhaps they insist on the
painters hurrying the work.
I'm not going to have that painters
mess around my house a month" the
wife says, and what wife says goes
at the cost Of lot of wasted painting
money.
IL the painter stays away few
days to allow the paint to thoroughly
dry the owner says: "That painters
neglecting this work-guess he's side
tracking me for Jones work. / won't
stand it."
What chance does painter have to do
good work for man who is continually
nagging ct him and otherwise handi-
Gaping him without meaning it, of
course)? A poor job is the inevitable
result of such interference.
Poor painting costs the houseowner
money-don't forget that. 1t might
pay you to get the practical paint
book, painting specifications and in
strument for detecting paint adul-
terants, which National Lead Co. are
offering under the title of House
Owners Painting Outfit No. 40. Ad
dress National Lead Co., 1902 Trinity
Bldg, New York City. This company
do not make paint (they leave that to
the painter to do) but they make
pure white lead ("Dutch Boy Painter"
trademark kind, and they can tell
you how to save money by securing
durable painting.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Stone Takes the Stand.

State Game Warden Stone, one oil
those at whom the Gaylord resolution
aims, was on the witness stand Thurs
day before the investigating commit
tee and was questioned about what he
had done with the $4,000 he had OF
the Stephenson money.
Most of the money was handed to
deputy game wardens in amounts vary.
ing from $50 to $500 to be used in the
interest of StephenSon's campaign, he
said. There was something in excess
of 5000 of the fund which Mr.. Stone
could not account for. Asked as to
how he spent the amount unaccounted
for, the witness said: 81 don't know,
l just spent it."
Mr. Stone said he had similar ex-
perience as to campaign expenditures
in other campaigns, and being asked
when, answered: when La Toilette
ran for governor the second time"
Objections stopped further question.
ing along this line.
Since he had been game warden, for
number of years, Mr.. Stone said that
campaign work had been combined
with his official duties.
Deputy Game Warden Craig of SUI
perior, who was on Stones list for
$125, told the committee he received a
check for $82 from Stone but thought
it was to pay his expenses on con-
vention trip to Oklahoma. He was
later advised by Mr.. Stone that the
$50 was Stephenson campaign money.
Craig had voted for Stephenson and
that was the extent of his political
activities.
G. D. McFarlane of Stevens Point,
a member of the board of Normal re-
gents, testified that M. G.. Ring of
Neillsville tried hard to get him to
manage Stephenson's campaign in Por-
tage county. Mr.. McFarlane said ne
favored McGovern's candidacy
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Gave Cash to Deputies,

Two deputy game wardens were
handed amounts of Stephenson cam
paign funds by State Game Warden
]. w. Stone last August and told to
"spend it as they saw fit" Deputy
Warden H. A Bowman of Wau-
kesha county and Deputy Fred Ger
hardt of Milwaukee were given $500
and 5000 respectively by their chief,
Notwithstanding that letters were sent
out by Mr.. Stone to other game war
dens telling them to keep out of poll
tics"
A week or two before the money was
handed to Bowman, Stone told him
that he was for Stephenson and had
asked Bowman to do all he could con-
scientiously and right for Stephenson
Out of this developed the Milwaukee
engagement. Neither Bowman nor Ger
hardt ever made report of the money
spent. The rest of the total of $4,000
Stone took to Madison.
Stone said he spent all of the $4,000
given him from the Stephenson fund,
and more, too.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
stone SICK: oth.rs res,lfy.

Attorney T. G.. Richmond, represent
ing Game Warden Stone, Friday hand
ed to the senatorial investigating
committee a certificate from physi
clans to the effect that Game Warden
Stone was suffering from acute indi
gestion and unable to leave his bed.
Attorney George H. Gordon of La
Crosse was then called. He received
81 300 from the Stephenson campaign
managers. He met E. A. Edmonds in
Milwaukee who asked him about the
senatorial situation in La Crosse. VIII
ness said that prior to this, num-
Der of La Crosse men, including
George Rayne, Frank Hixon, w w.
Cargill, Col Holloway, had determined
to support Stephenson. Later Ed
monds called him up and asked him
to disburse Stephenson money, and
afterwards sent him some negotiable
chacks for drafts or something like
that Mr.. Gordon declared nothing
was said regarding the election OF
members of the legislature.
Mr.. Gordon was asked why he kept
tuO pl,OUO III llO ottlO III CASH AAAOSSeNo
of handling it by checks. He said that
in a former campaign one of the half
breeds" said he knew of check used
for bribery and he was going to have
it photographed. II determined ]
wasn't going to have mine photo
graphed," said Gordon. In reply to a
question he admitted he was local
attorney for the Chicago & North
western railroad.
Scion r. Perrin of Superior was
next called. He received $4,000
in different amounts from the Stephen.
son fund He was understood to have
charge of Douglass, Bayfield,, Sawyer
and Washburn counties and that the
limit for these counties was $4,000.
He was to be paid for his work but
no sum was fixed. No report to any
body was rendered by him but he
had checks he paid out and a COM
plete statement made from these
checks.
Among the names on PERKINS, list
were C. r. Fridley, the lawyer to
whom Game Warden Stone yesterday
said he gave about $175; A. l.. Dresser,
W. w. Savage, J. w. Wilson, r. j.
Shields (who also is on Edmund'S pay
roll for 5000, Nels Nelson and t. S.
Written. The total amount paid to
Fridley by Perrin, according to the
statement, was $3.50.
Perrin said the difference between
the items on his statement and the
amount sent was $491.75. This he kept
for his services.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Unfortunate Expression.

That fruitful source of mirth, the
mixed metaphor, is ever with us. 1t
illustrates on almost every appearance
the truth of the saying that the sub
lime and the ridiculous are but step
apart.
In book on the laboring man, con-
tanning some excellent ideas, there
appeared the following sentence:
What manner of woman is she who
would turn her eyes toward other
things, which would become ashes on
her very lips?"
The flippant answer is, of course, "a
cross-eyed woman.-Youth's Compan-
ion
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Resolution to Committee.

ReSOIuLlOn 10 OOmfnlIIGCs
After a bitter fight in the assembly,
that body finally voted to refer to the
joint steering committee the senate
resolution to extend to May 1 the time
limit of the investigation of the sena-
torial primary. The steering commit
tee is composed Of five senators and
seven assemblymen, and being pretty
evenly divided, it is hard to forecast
what their recommendation will be.
Speaker Bancroft left his chair and
made a speech in which he showed
that he had little sympathy with the
investigation committee.
Assemblyman Leuch created a SEN
sation by saying he would support the
resolution, because he was convinced
that improper influences had been
brought to bear upon certain members
of the legislature. He did not mention
any names.
M. Hughes, Democrat, favored con-
tinuation of the investigation, as did
Mr.. Zimmerman. Mr.. Hambrecht, one
of the members of the investigating
committee, spoke against extending
the time, and Mr. Reynolds character
lied some Of the work of the commit
tee as "blackmail."
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
SPECIAL SESSION
OF LEGISLATURE
JOINT RESOLUTION PASSES THE
HOUSE AND SENATE.
AMENDMENTS THE rub"
II Assembly concurs in Additions
Suggested"by Senate, Extra Meet
ing of Wisconsin SoIons
Is Certain.

Madison.-The joint resolution pro-
vfding for a special session to con-
slider income tax, state aid for high
way building, industrial insurance and
insurance of bank deposits which
passed the assembly Thursday last
was adopted by the senate Friday in
an amended form which provides that
good roads be exempted from post
ponement and the question of water
powers of the state be substituted in
it's place. This means a special ses-
sion of the legislature, provided the
assembly will concur in the senate
amendments. Some doubt is ex-
pressed about the assembly concur
ring, as it is understood the governor
is not in favor of this course.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Probe to Continue a Month.

The legislature investigation of the
senatorial primary will be extended
to April 10. The steering committee
Thursday reported for passage in both
houses Friday the resolution extend
ing the time limit on the probe to this
date. The Stevens resolution requir-
ing the senatorial investigation COM
mittee to report its finding without de-
lay and the SanbOrn and Ingram reso-
1utions to complete the investigation
of Senator Stephenson first had been
referred to the joint steering commit
tee.
The assembly Friday after lengthy
debate adopted the majority report of
the steering committee to extend the
time of the senatorial inauisition to
April 10.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
What He Lacked.

1t is related of a South American
general, who was extremely well
pleased with himself, that once, when
about to sally forth to grand dance,
he surveyed himself contentedly in the
mirror, and then soliloquized thus:
'Ah! Thou hast all-bravery,
wealth, position, good looks. All, what
dost thou lack?"
Whereupon his orderly, who, I'M
known to the general, was close at
hand, remarked:
"Sense. general. sense!"
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Hears PeddIers' Plea.

A determined effort was made in
the state legislature to reduce the IL
cense fee required of peddlers and
hawkers. Several bills to this effect
have been introduced.
The present law exacts the follow
ing fees from the house to house can
vassers: Two horse wagon, or an
automobile, SIS; one horse vehicle,
$45; push cart or other conveyance
not drawn by horse or mechanical
power, $50; by foot, $40.
1t is felt that the present fee Is
high and the probability is that the
rate will be lowered. The merchants
are opposed to any change, wanting to
be protected, they say, from men who
do not have to pay rent and other ex-
penses connected with conducting
store
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Dahl Asks That Gilbert Sue.

State Treasurer Dahl has sent At
torney General Gilbert a letter making
q new request that suits be brought
against the present and former state
insurance commissioners to recover
fees alleged to have been illegally re-
tined by them. The commissioners are
Emil Giljohan, Zeno NJ. Host and
George E. Beedle. He says that in his
opinion the insurance commissioners
have no right to retain the fees which
they are alleged to have done and that
he believes the state will be able to
recover over 100000 for fees.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
His HUMOROUS Error.

During one of the banquets of the
Church Congress in London, a GER
tain bishop had as his left-hand COM
panion a clergyman who was COM
Dletely bald During dessert the bald
headed vicar dropped his napkin and
stopped to pick it up. At this moment
the bishop, who was talking to his
right-hand neighbor, felt a slight touch
on his left arm He turned, and, be-
holding the wears pate on a level
with his elbow, said, mo, thank you,
no melon. / will take some pineap-
DTafO
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
What Allied Tommie

Tommie was eating walnuts. His
mother cautioned him about eating
many. fearing they would make him
sick. Presently he came in his hand
on his stomach and very distressed
look in his face.
Those ruts have made you sick, |
see. l just knew they would" said
the mother.
"They haven't, either" whined Tom
ME. Il am not sick; it's just my
pants are too tight.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
$4,000 for Contingency.

The senate passed the bill of Sena-
tor Martin and appropriated $4,000 to
the governors contingent fund.
Senator Gaylord's measure which
would make railway officials respons-
ible for murder in the second degree
in cases of unavoidable accidents, was
killed, as well as his measure regu-
lating the granting of franchises to
public service corporations
Assemblyman Mortenson's bill,
amending the statutes relating to the
sale of adulterated milk or cream, was
concurred in.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Bound to Enforce 1t.

Kansas is now planning the organ1-
cation of special court system for
the enforcement of the state prohibit
tory law. 1t is expected to have a
new court created in each Of the los
counties of the state, which will have
nothing to do except to see to the en-
forcement of the prohibitory law and
look after the juvenile court business,
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
New Child Labor Law.

After considering the nine bills reg
ulating child labor the assembly com.
mittee on manufacturers and labor de.
cided to draw up a new bill which will
embody the best features of those now
introduced.
The legislature viii probably not en-
act any law requiring one full day of
rest out of every seven. When these
measures came up for a hearing the
assembly committee decided to recon-
mend them for indefinite postpone
ment. The Sunday barber closing bill
has been laid over.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
PROVING lis caution.

Elder w. H. Underwood, chaplain
of the state senate, was walking down
a street at his home at Clay Center re-
Gently with friend. Another friend,
with whom Underwood joked good
deal, met them and said: Elder, l
thought you were careful of the COM
pany you keep
81 am" replied the chaplain, walking
right on. I'm not going to stop
Kansas City Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1909-03-18
Oppose New Telephone Bill.

Representatives of over thirty tele
phone companies appeared at joint
hearing of the transportation commit
tee when the bill of Assemblyman
Cleary prohibiting more than one tele-
phone exchange to be established in
any municipality where there is in op-
GRAFTON such public utility engaged
in a similar service without securing
from the state railroad commission a
declaration that public convenience
and necessity, was discussed.