The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-01-09
>DRIF WOOD

<OK IF Y WOOD It doesn't cost anything to be q gem tleman, but it often costs q lot not to be.
 ..Is that Jacks auto coming over the Its too for away to see distinctly, but l am sure that recognize the smell"
 The Poet:--If I marry you for your money you will always throw 1t up to The He.ress:-oh. no; you'll be glad enough if throw it down to you
 she:--How dare you address me--you are perfect stranger.
 He:-oh. no. you fiatter---I am not perfect--I have my faults like everyone else. Paradoxical that an account may run long time and still be of long stand- ing.
 Bilks:--1 heard you had accepted q fine job in London Why are you back Jiiks:-oh. got sick on the way over and threw up the job.
 Women are funny creatures;> from childhood they, are hopeful that soma- fectly indignant If it happens to he their nose.
 Jaek:-7I am writing q. pFoblsm Mack:-what is 1t called? ''@ Jack:-Marrying on s week. "sO he won her by hghtins with his rival. l shouldn't think such little shrimp of a fellow could put up much "Oh. he got licked; that's what made him solid with her-that's just like . woman. don't you know" There once was a man in Alaska Said. ITO keep warm Is really task-a
 In fact the cold vapor,
 Will "frieze" the wall paper 1 wish l was back in Nebraska Lives of great men oft remind us If to earthly heights we'd soar. We must~.start out life a clerklng, Somewhere in a country store. Maybe because girl thinks her face laboring under like illusion In regard to his own. is the reason they so often put their fortunes together.
 That popping noise you hear round the streets of our beautiful city Is the breaking of the New Years resolutions. A New York poet claims to have been robbed of sio,000! Shades of Shake. spsare! Hut mebbe he was carrying 1t across the street for some bank. The reason the married life of actresses is seldom a success is bs,4 cause they think more of dramatic roasts than they do, of roasts for the table. t Three million tons of paper are made annually To the first paid-up subscPih. CT sending in the nearest guess as to the number of tons Roosevelt has used in Presidential messages since his induction into office we will mali seven teen cords of Driftwood.
 S~ wonder if the Tarifr also made a New Years resolution.
 It is announced that officers in the Philippine constabulary will not be per mitted to marry until they have att tained the rank of captain. This being the case, we have life-sized photo of will remain bachelors. Say. the Teddy Bear seems destined to go out of office along with Teddy CHe AeFEApsS d
 -f. +
 The Slngin' Brother. Oh. l des caint help a-signin' froo de
 shadow an de sun, When de ole world keep a-turnin' des
 holler Let Ter run" Glory Haleluja"--till de Mahater say
 Well doue."
 singin' longsde way--des a-singin'. When Misfortune's knoclin' at mah iit-
 tie cabin doh, 4if. I says, Come in an have a cheer"--an'
 den bows down low. He neber understands me--when I say
 "Set still; don't go."
 While I'm singin' to his face--des a.
 singin'.
 When de roses am noddin' "Howdy
 Do"-an' smllin' sweet, When de springtime sky am bendin'
 down de sad old earth to greet, Mos everybody's feelin' good dat long
 de way yo' meet
 Everybody's singin'-des a singin'. But when de skies am cloudy an ds
 winter winds dey blow Ever body,s miserable-an' techy, don't
 you know,
 But hits den sings de Ioudest, for to
 cheer 'em up--an' so- goes singin' long de wayA-des
 singtn'.
 P. H. A. Judge Williams. of Montclair. N l.. in trying to adjust matters between husband and a wife, learned that the cause of separation was that the wife kissed the cat too much and the man chewed too much tobacco.
 A Montgomery high school girl was required to write an essay of gao words about motor car. She submitted the following:
 My uncle bought a motor car. He