The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-11-10
BY G. F. NYe,

Marriage And Common Sense.
By G. F. Nye.
1t has often been borne in upon me that
more absolute nonsense is written and spo-
ken about marriage by men and women
who ought to know better than about any
other everyday matter Of life. Not long
ago I heard a sermon by a scholarly, SEN
sible man which strenthened that con-
took the position that matrimony was or
should be al ideal sort Of life only to be
entered upon by ideal persons, whereas we
oil know it to be simply all everyday mode
OF existence in which the majority OF per-
sons elect to pass their lives. The sermon
seemed to be addressed chiefly to young
men, and the speaker adiured them to cX-
ercise the greatest care in selecting their
life partners-to pass by the pretty, emty-
intellectual Aspirations, and practical habits
in fact, a kind OF Frances Willard-Mrs.-
Rorer-Madame-de Stael composite. Lay
ing aside the fact that the average man is
not moved even by the best OF advice in
such matters, and that if he were to wait
to encounter such a phenomenon in petit
coats as the minister described ne would
probably die a bachelor, this %admonitiOn
struck me as unwise even to absurdity. l
should have liked to ask the speaker how
many young men in his congregation
could make such a woman happy or be
happy with such a woman. Why should a
young man whose tastes run to ragtime,
football, and George Barr McCutcheon
take unto himself a spouse who dotes on
Wagner, Browning, and sociological re-
form? OF curse Cupid himself is respon-
sible for some fearful misfits in matrimony
but these cannot be helped, and like most
OF natures mistakes, when let alone. will
shape themselves into something that will
answer somehow. But to counsel a young
man or woman to marry such and such a
person, regardless Of ~congeniality or SYM
pathy, seems foolishness.
The preacher had much to say of the
peculiar and fearful unhappiness attach
ing to marriages in which ideal conditions
did not appear, and I feel sure that this
has been far too much stressed by clergy
men and sentimental women writer's.
Why should the large majority Of people
who are as far as possible from being ideal
In any other relation OF life expecn to find
such a startling transformation in the
marriage relation2 Very few families Of
father, mother, and children live together
ideally; yet tits undoubtedly best that
children should be reared in families. The
truth Is, despite all the problem novels and
uloCuoolOlo, LildG IL u uldIIldRo uOeS UuTu
out badly in most OF the numerous ways
indicated by that phrase there are more
co~mpensations attached to the evils than
accompany most Of the unfortunate condi-
tons Of life. A home, a distinct and I'M
derstood position in society, the increas-
ing and absorbing interest in children-all
these things can be set off against q care
less husband or a frivolous-minded wife.
In the matter Of unhappy marriages the
woman, though she has by nature and
gifts far the best Of it, too often makes the
worst Of 1t. Almost any woman not an
absolute imbecile can 50 beguile and man
enough, as to ameliorate such un-
as she may find In their mar
ried life. But too often she simply won't.
She has worried too much over the ideal
with which her favorite writer's have filled
her mind; and instead of taking hold Of
John as he really Is and making the best
Of him, she rgonizes over and refines upon
his moral proclivities and masculine short
and proceeds to make life unen-
durable for them both. Men, on the other
they lack the woman's power Of
adaptability and compromise that would
enable them to better things, take things
much concerned with ideals. The evils Of
an unhappy marriage are in reality harder
upon men than women, for the former lose
more and gain less, Women are the chief
Deneficiaries Of the institution Of marriage
and should therefore be prepared to make
more sacrifices in that relation. If simply
being married does not mean as much to
4 man as to a woman, 1t is still true that
unhappy marriage Is q more irremedi-
able unhappiness for a man than a woman.
He mas not entered into matrimony for O
A~~n 0ro-t1nr an n rNnt4D- h,< AL, 4
that he may get the happiness that life
with Mamie or Maude only can give. So
when the possibilities Of that happiness
and finally disappear, the poor
man has not as much left to show for 1t.
Even the children, who are such q comfort
10 the mismated wife, afford small pleasure
the father, as the mother, being with
so constantly, generally improves
her opportunities to turn them against the
father.
tits only in the fairy tales that the
prince and princess marry and live happily
ever afterwards. People do not change
hey marry; and they will %assuredly be
to the common cares and ills Of
married or single. But as long
rs people fall in love, marriage is the best
succeeding course In the menu o. life."
Love will pass; it cannot last" objects
the pessimistic s~entimentalist. Well, sup
pose it does; then you have at least some
valuable cOmpensations-a home, a wife to
keep it, or a husband to pay the bills, child
rem, q largeness and freedom Of life that
else can give. Even from the cy-
meal standpoint matrimony must be re-
as the safest recovery from an at
tack of the grand passion; and in all seri-
BUSINESS it Is the healthiest development Of
romance, the most normal and
successful settlement Of a problem at once
sexual, social, and sentimental. Like all
human states, it has it's difficulties and
dangers; and like all human states, it is
by human folly and viciousness.
But OF all human states it is the most
satisfactory compromise Of the individual
the conditions Of life; and despite the
cynic, the s~entimentalist, and the reform
crank, tits working pretty well. 1t has, OF
its best and its worst; but, after all
it is and will be for some considerable time
to come the actual state Of the large major
Of the human race; and surely 1t is Wis
err to call attention to its good rather than
to it's bad, it's blessings rather than Its dan
gers, its compensations rather than its
difficulties. The men and women OF to-
day-the women especially-are too much
inclined to restlessness, dissatisfaction,
best service which a preacher or teacher
can render them in regard to the lnsti-
tutioe Of matrimony is to emphasize its
advantages and cOmpensatiors and to
point out Its more practical, common
sense aspects. Let US have less talk OF
ideals and aspirations, misunderstand-
ings and diSsapointments: more OF con-
tentment and patience, Of the realities OF
life and it's natural and inevitable adjust