davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
GREAT NORTHERN
FOR
BUSINESS

As announced in the Times last
week, the Great Northern railway
will put its new tariff affecting all
towns and cities between Tacoma
and Seattle into effect Friday.
BY the new arrangement Puyallup,
Auburn, Kent and other places
will be given the privilege of ship
ping produce or receiving mer-
chandise by direct routing from
all gateways on the Great North
ern or Burlington systems. The
tariff applies to either carload lots
or commodities.
This practically makes the
Great Northern a competitor for
business that has hitherto gone to
the Northern Pacific exclusively.
Freight destined for Great North
ern points will no longer have to
be loaded into Northern Pacific
cars and transhipped at Seattle,
but will go through direct.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

ROBT. FULTON built the first
practical steamboat, the Clermont,
which sailed up the Hudson river
in 1907.
HENRY NJ. STANLEY, intrepid
explorer, traversed Africa and
rescued the Livingstone expedi-
ton in 1S71-1872.
LOUIS AGASSIz, financier and
explorer, added new collections
and discoveries to science after
explorations in the Antarctic in
1866. :.
THOS. ALvA EDISON begin
ming as a train butcher invented
the electric light and many other
revolutionary devices.
ORVILLE AND LBUR
WRIGHT, brothers, constructed
and operated the first practical
heavier-than-air flying machine
which was the model for all their
rivals in aviation.
JOHN ERICSSON, after many
marine inventions, designed and
built the Monitor in 1862. 1t was
the first ironclad and had the first
gun turret.
MRS. MARY BAKER GLOVER
EDDY in 1866 discovered the con-
cepts of the Christian Science re-
ligion, which has formed the basis
for extensive researches in psy-
choterapy.
HIRAM MAXIM, inventor of
maximite and other explosives, in
vented in 1881 the first machine
gun and other automatic mechan-
ism.
DIR. ALEX. GRAHAM BELL In
1875 invented the telephone and
later other electrical devices which
are now used In every part of the
civilized world.
LUTHER BURBANK made boz
tanical researches in California
lresulting In the development of
new plant species.
SAMUEL f. b. MORSE invented
the electric telegraph in 1874 and
later developed and enlarged the
scope OF the system of telegraphy.
ELI WHITNEY invented in
1913 the cotton gin, decreasing
the cost Of cotton and making pos
sible the present great cotton
growing and spinning industry In
this country.
DIR. FREDERICK A. COOK
discovered the North Pole April
III, 1908.
COMMANDER PEARY discov-
cred the North Pole April 9. 1903.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

dreams Of the apostles realized.
Those who preach the gospel have
been attacked In various ways re-
Gently. Critics have accused them
of not preaching the real gospel.
To prove this CLEAN. they declared
that the church ia in a period of
decline.
But the most careful work of
the figure experts disproves this.
In 1900. when the previous CEN
sus was taken, 1927 per cent of
the population was in church men,
bership. Three years ago this had
increased to 39.1. a showing that
few countries can approach.
The saving of souls has under
gone a remarkable change in the
past 20 years. figures show. Join
ed to the spiritual side of church
work is the business side-which
keeps account of what has been
done and what remains to be done.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
SAY A,,sTAa Bvhe srARreR. wsTN

ago if you hadn't happened to have
heard them.
I would say emphatically that a
good joke even If it's as old as the
hills If you haven't heard it is
better than a poor new one.
"Why does a hen cross the
road?"
1t isn't true that Noah kicked
a slat out of his cradle the first
time he heard that one, but it is
pretty old. Still IL 1t was new to
you, you'd laugh at 1t.
It's funny how a joke can go
down the line for years, be hand
ed around back and forth on the
stage, told by travelling men, print
ed in the comic papers and the
Woonsocket Weekly, and dance all
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
CANCEL LAND
FRAUD CASE

(By United Press Leased Wire.)
BOISE, Ida, Sept. 8.-Judge
Robert s. Bean, of Oregon, yester-
day dismissed a civil suit brought
by the government against the
Barber Land company to cancel
entry on 10000 acres of timber
land in Boise basin, valued at ST.
900, 900. The governments suit
was filed on the ground that the
lands were secured through the
use of dummy" entrymen.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
"a Knight for a Day."

IA Knight for a Day." which
will be seen at the Tacoma Sun
day, September IL, expounds 40
problems, deals with no swells of
society, perplexes no one with abb
struse theories. Its aim is only
to amuse-to help you to forget
troubles and worries and dull
care, with the aid of fun, and
lights, and bright music and pref
ty girls with twinkling feet. A
years engagement in the same
theater in Chicago proves it is
worth while as an entertainment.
It's New York engagement of four
months is also positive endorse
ment of its merits as a pleasurable
amusement.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

.fust rate, but de seeds scratched
'er throat.
Middleman: Your uncle's death
must have grieved you a great
deal, Tambo.
Endman: Yes, sub, 1t grieved de
whole family. Fadder cried and
brudder cried, but cried wuss'n
any OBJ 'em. His clothes wouldn't
fit me.
Middleman: Can you tell me.
sir. what Is the greatest race in
the world?
Endman: No, sub, All can't
What is de creates race in de
void?
Middleman: The human race,
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
TO FORM NEW
IMPROVEMENT
DISTRICT

The streets and alleys commit
tee of the council yesterday
agreed to form an improvement
district, taking in South Thirty
eighth street from the gulch to
Yakima avenue, and few feet
on Yakima avenue to provid paw
Ing so citizns can get on the street
cars without, wading through mud
ankle deep. The assessment will
be largely against the street rail-
way company.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
PIERCE COUNTY TO
ORK FOR LOW

A committee of seven was ap-
pointed at a special meeting Of
The Commercial club yesterday 20
go before the state board of
equalization today for the purpose
of assisting the Pierce county as
SCISSOR in securing a low levy
against this county. Those ap-
pointed as members of the COM
mittee are as follows: A. v.
Love, F. s. Harmon, e. C.. Rich
ards, e. r. Rogers, D. I. Cornell,
H. M. White and F. s. Fogg.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
STEAMER OHIO
ABANDONED

(By United Press Leased Wire.)
SEATTLE, Sept. S.-The Alas
ka Steamship company has aban-
doned the steamer Ohio and will
make no attempt to salve her.
The underwriters will get what
they can out of the wreck and will
probably sell the whole thing for
junk.
The investigators who went TO
see what hope there was of saw
ing the boat report no chance.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

There will be a feast OF good
things at the Tacoma theater dur
ing the next four days, as three of
the biggest attractions of the sea-
son have been booked. First
comes "The Girl Question" which
will be presented Thursday night,
and then THE Gentleman From
Mississippi" and "a knight for
a Day."
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
LEW DoCKsTADER

around you, and yet you never
happen to hear 1t. Then you hear
it and think IT'S new.
Here's a bunch of them that
used to be screams" in the late
'40s:
Endman: Dey wah a runaway
downtown dis mawnin'. A boss
run breakneck down de street, a
little dawg sittin' on his tail.
Middleman: What! A little dog
sat on the horses tail?
Endman: No, sub, de dawg sit
on his own tail.
Endman: Me an my gal went
out ridin' last Sunday In a one-seat
buggy. She weighs fo' hundred
poun's an she filled up de whole
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
$500 GAIN IN THE
STATE SCHOOL
POPULATION
(By United Press Leased wire.)

(By United Press Leased Wire.)
OLYMPIA, Sept. S.-There are
$500 more school children in
Washington than last year. ac-
cording to the reports of county
superintendent and State Super
intendent Dewey. Pierce county
has 1,204 NOR, King. 1875. and
Spokane 1854 more than last
year. The total number is $780,
307 with 129,765 boys and 1885,
522 girls.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

Humorous stories were early a
feature OF minstrelsy, probably
from the first performance. Here
is one that 1 have traced back to
1851:
1.-TWO Irishmen were guests at
a summer hotel. The mosquitoes
bit them so hard they summoned
the landlord, who told them to put
out their light. They did SO, and
moment later a lightning bug
flew to the window. It's no use"
said one of the Irishmen. They're
coming now with lanterns
Sometimes after a joke has been
dead about so years a minstrel
man will pick it up and spring it
as new. Well, 1t will be new to
most everyone by them, and he
gets a laugh with it. Which seems
to prove that some of these "old
boys" as they call them on the
stage, weren't so bad, after all.
It's a question what is the old
est minstrel joke. Nobody knows.
Frank Dumont of my company has
made long study of this, inter-
viewing all the old-timers he meets
but he hasn't struck the Oldest
one yet. But minstrel shows date
back to 1S43, so it's no wonder.
Here's one of the old favorites
which the old-timers speak of af-
fectionately:
"Why is a chicken on fence
like a penny? Because it's heads
on one side and tails on the
other"
Another joke of rare old age
that has made countless thousands
laugh is: What makes more noise
than a pig under a gate? Two
pigs"
You'll be surprised to know that
the joke about the hen crossing
the street isn't very eld-only
about 20 years.
The pun and conundrum were
mighty popular with our grand
fathers. They screamed over both.
Unless a pun today is an excep-
tionally clever one, with some def
mite bearing on the conversation,
carrying with it some point, an au-
dience may groan.
A few conundrums go a long
lway-some of them have gone
from the Mexican war down to the
spanish war.
In the first minstrel shows the
musicians, vocalists and everybody
else on the stage in the first part
Joined in the jokemaking. 1t was
as common for the correct player
or drummer to engage in CONVEX
lsation with the middleman as for
the endman. One of their jokes
was: why am l like young
widow"
For fear the audience might not
understand, the middleman would
repeat: "Why are you like young
widow? / am obliged to confess
do not know. Kindly tell us why
you are like young widow. /"
The answer to that was: BE
cause / do not stay long in black.
The civil war brought out lot
of new jokes that were popular in
those days. Sam Sharpley used
to tear holes in a big handker-
chief while delivering his mono
log; then, poking his face through
the largest hole, he would say:
1.-the innocent cause of the war"
1t does not sound funny now, but
audiences used to shrek and
scream.
Another famous civil war joke
was one of Geo. Christy's. He adj
vised Lincoln to buy hickory nuts.
1--WE kin crack 'em open an keep
de kernels an throw de shells in
de enemy's camp" he said.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

"A Gentleman From Mississippi"
What is said to be one of the
most successful comedies produc-
ed In many years is "a Gentle
man From Mississippi" which
comes here Friday and Saturday.
1t is claimed to have enjoyed a
phenomenal run In New York
city. where 1t was tremendously
popular.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
HERE ARE The WORLDS
GREATEST DISCOVERIES

BENZ. FRANKLIN after over
coming privations, discovered the
conductive principle of electricity
in 1852, and thereby made posi-
BILE all future progress in electri-
cal transmissions and power.
CYRUS WEST FIELD after
succeeding In business, sunk a
fortune In trying to lay the first
Atlantic cable, then succeeded
Aug. 16, 1858.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

new under the sun, but there are
many new Jokes sprung every
year, the wise mans statement to
the contrary.
He was crouch. So would any
man be who had as many wives
as he had.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
AT THE TACOMA.
"The Girl Question:"

There is snap. a dash, life
to the chorus girls and the musi-
cal numbers of "The Girl Ques-
tion." 1t is play of the same
type as "The Time, the Place and
the Girl" written by the same
produced under the same
management and by the same
stage director.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

Grand-"A Heightened Burg
lars Christmas" the Four Stag
poles, the Three Migrants and
other excellent feature acts.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
Big Attractions Booked For Tacoma
you ignoramus.

you ignoramus.
Middleman: What smells the
most in drug store?
Endman, after moments seri-
Gus thought: It's yo' nose.
Endman: Yo' dawg's got fleas.
Middleman: Sir. you are insult
ing. That dog sleeps with me.
Endman: Mebby OATS where he
got 'em.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

Pantages - The Mysterious
Handwriting, Mantague and his
Trained Cockatoos and other good
acts.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
So Much Less Work.

Through Mrs. DR.. Robinson.
learned first Of your naptha soap and
must admit / tried 1t without much
hope OF success, but was surprised at
It on a. large washing and was delighted
beyond measure. win use no other
a. long as lean get els-Naptha. ] tell
every lady about It that come 10 con-
tact with. for l feel 1t is duty ] owe
every working sister. ] laug hingly told
his vito II he did not provide her with
Feis-Naptha soap. Ny family says ]
am half crazy about 1t, but ! have so
much less WORK 80 much moro time for
other thinss and so much less fatigued
when my washing Il done that feel
cannot speak toe highly Of Fsis-N.ptha
soap or speak Of IL too often. All my
neighbofs will endorse every word
have written and I could writ6 pages"
MRs. J. B. MAeIrMs.
San Antonio. Texas.
Clothes Whittier Than Ever Before.
have been using Fcls-Naptha
soap fer almost six months and con-
slider 1t the only soap fer dining room,
Kitchen and laundry. Ny hfver and
glass never looked 90 bright and beau
soap, and tbs ciothse, table hnen, ETC..
are whittier than ever bsfore."
KArHAaINE HARMAN,
Owing Mills, Md.
-Naptha Don't Injure the Clothes.
On account of the illness Of my
Washwoman. had q chance to give
fels-Naptha soap a thorough test and
wish to say that i am more than
pleased. II dent injure tho clothes In
the least. II just makes the dirt let 70
and leaves them clean and white ss
snow. Several highly advertised and
labor-savin9 soaps have come under
ny notice. bat none seems to fill the
Dill Ike FelsN aptha. Ny husband just
ASKED me was trying TO make
name for mysek ae q washwoman.
said no, but with Fels-Naptha soap
can be Independent Of a washwoman II
Ma. G. N. sr,ouD. Louisville, Ky.
Fels-Nsptha Soap Did Il.
=. There are 20 many worthless soaps
lespecially OF the laundry varsity on
the marke now that feel II IL q duty
TO you, and II certainly u a pleasure to
tell you how highly we appreciate
Fels-Naptha. ! have used the soap
since first introducsd to us by one Of
your agents, nearly Ave years ago and
feel safe In saying that Il In superior to
any upon the market to-day. When
we have an unusually large washing
and comment upon how nicely ! have
Fels-Naptha con
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
Just a few of the thousands of
unsolicited testimonials regar ing
Fels- Naptha soap:

accomplished the task, my husband
invariably says Feis-Naptha did it."
ENILY APPLE. Johnstown. Pa.
Boon to Housekeepers.
Never before In my experience rs q
housekoeper have i felt called upon to
write my thanks to any of the numer-
GUS firms who have Aids to House
keepers on the market, but since /
first used Fels- Nsptha soap have been
hlled with gratitude TO the person who
gave 10 housskeepsrs this great labor
saving soap. / have sung Ms praises
until my friends think It Is really quite
a Joke. because for everything my
want to thanh you for the IRE al COM
fort and pleasure its use has brought
to me and say sincerely that you have
introduced an article which will be q
boon to the housekeoper."
MRS. EMMETT, Dayton. Ohio.
Every Spot Came Off.
II never before wrote a testimonial
for sr,fAfrT. bat my sense of what IL
due ycu y cmpts me to send you this
unsolicited statement of the worth Of
your splendid soap FEELS -Naptha.
During the winter our stovepipe
sprung apart at one of the joints On
the hallway and the snow melted and
run Into the SCOT forming sort Of creo-
sots water. ] Suppose-svhich spattered
out ON the door and washboards. II
was . most unpleasant mar on an
othsrwiss clean floor. We had sup
posed we should have 10 hire q painter
TO scraps the floor and washboasds and
then rs.varnish and paint, - We had
trie4 scoops IN vain and other thfnaa
too.-to remove the unsiehtiy, bieci-
spattsred stain. Imagine my surprise
end delight when my sfri applied
Fsh-Naptha soap. Bvery spot came
on and the wood was as clean as new.
] appreciate the value Of such house
hold friend. and gladly commend II to
an housekespers who want q good
thing" Mrs. N. ID. Mckee.
Grand Rapids, Mich.
Only Soap He Could Use.
Crossing the continent last sur-
mer. noticed newsboy on train in
Arizona In the wash room with the
privaks ssap box. I asked him II ordl
nary soap was not good enough for
him and he replied that crossing
through alkah country Fels-Naptha
was the only kind that could be used
without cracking the hands or face
and he advised me to never travel with
out II. Ny wife uses Fels-Naptha
soap for washing and oNher domestic
purposes and told me last evening that
II was the most satisfactory soap she
had ever used"
VIcToR KAUFMAN.
Washington, d. C.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
Little Mary Recites for Anty Drudge.

kIttIc WARY E<cCIteS 1OI zXHty OIuuSVs
Anty. Drudge-"Now say it again, Dearie. It's every
word true.'
Little Mary-"See my NICE party frock,
So clean and fresh and bright
Anty washed it with Fels-Naptha;
That's why it is white"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08
BY Lew Dockstader

BY Lew DOckstadeF
King of American Minstrels
Are the new minstrel jokes bet
ter than the old?
It's a question.
Lots of jokes are good when
they're new. They'd get laugh
today as we'll as they did SO years
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1909-09-08

seat. I had ter ride in de whip
socket.
Endman: All asst my gal II she
wanted some peaches an she ct
81.
} Middleman: Ate 81. She must
have liked them.
Endman: She said she liked 'em
The Democrat-sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1906-1935, 1909-08-05
Good Hepe

We are sorry we have no more time
to give the happenings of our happy
little corner than we do, for hay time
and plowing corn means get busy, old
boy.
The social was we'll attended at the
home of Mabel Darling's. Next Satur-
day evening, August the 7th, will
have 1t over again, and hope to see
every body there.
Dear Old Crupper, we were glad to
see your smiling face back in the
paper, and | can't see how jolly
person like you could get sick.
John Starner and Clay Stoneburner
took dinner with Mrs. Fred Wagner,
Friday.
The following people spent Sunday
with p. Wagner and wife: Saul Wag-
ner, wife and children, Jake Wagner,
wife and baby, and Homer Bushee,
wife and children.
A good number of people from this
place attended the sale of ChaS. kost,
of Cola Valley; ell report a good time
and everything sold well for 50 small
a crowd.
Since cur lest letter to your paper,
Roy Starner and Carrie Brown,
daughter # Isaac Brown ard wife,
were married at the home Of tie
BRIDES pGrents Dy Rev. j. 4. Matthias
of Enterprise. Tiley 10th ore highly
respected young people and tine writ
er gives them ba5U wishes for long
an1 prosperous journey through life.
Cherles Hedge am wife, OF Circle
vile, ere visiting lis brothers of t'is
plgce.
Oll Cruppor if you hear OF Gool
Hope taking little trip, Jon'o be
SURPRISE.
Chas. Hoke left Sunlay fer Lancas-
ter, whore he expects to be employed
in the flint glassw0rks.
j. o. Byers, vile and children call
ed on the family Of w. A. Starner,
Sunaay efternOon.
Murray St.rner purchased a milk
COW at the sale Cf Chc 5, Kost.
The blackberry crop is not 50 Ioun-
tiful as it has beer in the pcsa. Ey-
eryboGy will be fla il hey gec
enough for their own use.
SylYia lIoke called on Cecil SGarner,
Sunday evening.
A number oi psople of this place
attended the dress parade at the b.
l. 5.
The Democrat-sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1906-1935, 1909-08-05
Happy Ridge

Jacob BANTER, wife and son
epent Sunday with VIM. Wine ana
family, + Blossom Ridge.
John Rob.so kindly entertained
Sun ay afternoon Arthur Huttines,
wile ana daughter, Violet, Mazzie
L ma, Fa' ny and Mary Keller,
JAcoh B,:irter, Merton Lama and
RoNIspd ORle.
Mr. Anna Keller spert Sunday
Sith Mr. Ive2 BANTER.
Mir Sar..h Lama and grandson,
Merton Lama, were callers at
GibisoMville recently.
What has becoL.e Of Sunny Side
correspondent?
Ed Not' and wife, OF Tarlton,
are visiting the latter's father,
I1eac Qu;llen.
Charlie Hntiines and VIM. Robi-
son werl callers on Toad Run one
dag la-l week.
Arthu: Hrflnes, wife and
daughtar brcbe broad With Lewis
Huff es,
Mrs. 5 .rdh Lama and daughter,
Mazzle, and two grandsons, Merto2
anl Ferdie, broke bread with Mrs,
Jake BANTER and family.
L5rr.s Hedges, wife and three
childrer, Of Ewing. spent Sstur.
day AID Sunday with j c.. Gordon
ard femily.
Mrs. Sarah Donley and two
daua ahters spent Sunday with Dave
RlackstJn and family, of Pleasant
Ridge.
Several from this place attended
the surprise party at John Dres.
backs last Tuesday. All reported
good time.
Mszzie LENA was Gibisonyille
caller one day last week,
Jake and Roy Hudines called on
Merton Lama, Sunday evening.
Harry Febus was Logan shop
per one day last week.
Lewis Smith, of Gibisonyille,
called on Esquire Gordon recently.
Jacob BANTER bought load of
apples of Isaac Quillen, one day
last week.
Emery BANTER, wife and chill
dren called on Hsrry Febus and
wife, Sunday evening.
Myrtle Voorhees, spent Sunday
with Mrs. Icy Hutilnes and family.
Charlie Robson and George
Huffines were seen vending their