The Montgomery advertiser. [volume] (Montgomery, Ala.) 1885-1982, 1909-07-04
BYE. P.DUNNE.

amy inspector. Ye don't have TO de-.
clare thin. Ye don't have TO put thin
IN tn bottom Nv ye'er trunk. Ye don't
have to have thin chalked or labelled
befure " get on tn dock. Ye don't
have to hand q five-to tn Inspector an
I picked up while abroad. Be good
fellow an let me through No. sir.
teeth are free.
what other NECESSITIES. says yei
We'll, there's sea moss. That's o good
4hing. Ivry poor man will appreciate
havfn' sea moss to stir In his tea News
papers, nuts an nux vomica ar-re free.
lYe can take tn London Times now. But
that ain't all be amy means. They've
removed tn jooty on Pulu. ] dine
think they'd go that far but In spite
DIV tn protests Nv tn Pulu boundaries
Nv sheboygan they ruthiessly sthruck
II firm tn list Nv 5ootyab1e articles.
Ye know what Pulu 10, Nv coorse, an
I'm sure yen be glad to know that
this refreshing biv'raCe or soop 10 on
tn free list. Sinitor Root. In behalf
Nv tn Puiu growers Nv New York OBJ
Jicted. but Senator Aldhrich WAS firm.
No, SIR he says, 'ws>must not tax an
nything that enters into tn daily
life Nv tn poor he says. While not
q dhringin' man mesilf. I am no bigot
an I wud not deny amy artisan his
scuttle Nv Pulu,, he says So Pulu was
put on tn free list an Nv coorse Zap
per an Aiazarin had to go on too. as
II H. on'y be addin' thin TO Pulu that
we can make ax1e-grease.
There was gr-reat struggle over
canary bur-rd seed. REPRESENTATIVES Nv
tn Chicago packers insisted that In
time canary bur'rds cud be taught to
eat pork chops. Nanny Sinitors thought
that tn next step wud be to take tn
jooty on cutie fish bone an thus
sthrike q blow at tn very heart Nv our
protective system. But Sinitor Till
man. who Is q gr-reat frind Nv tn
canary bur'rd an is niver seen without
wan perched on his wrist which he has
taught to swear, put up gallant
fight rr his protegees an thousands
" canary bur-rds sang with lighter
heard that night. Canary bur-rd seed
will be very cheap this year an amy
American wurrukin' man that keeps a
canary bur-rd needn't 90 to bed hun
cry. There ought to be some way Nv
teachin' their wives how to cook 1t.
It wud make Q nourishtn' dish whin
re have whetted ye'er face on q piece
" cuttle fish bone. 1t Is bother Fl
tn voice thin corned beef an cabbage.
I'm sure that tn reason American
wurrukin' men don't hop around an
sing over their wurruk is because they
ere improperly FED.
Yes sir, canary bur.rd seed 10 free.
what else7 Lookin' down tn list
see that divvy-divvy 10 free also. This
was let In as compliment to Sinitor
AIdrich. IT'S his motto. Be tn IN
thraductfon Nv this harmless dhrug
into tn discussion he's been able to get
a bill through that's satisfactorily to
ivrywan But I am surprised to see
that SUNK 10 on tn free list. 10 our
spunk industhree dead7 Is there no
pathrite to demand that we be pro-
ticted against tn pauper spunk iv Eu-
roper Maybe me frind Willum Tart
had IL nut on tn free list. I see in
pa-aper tn other day that what was
needed at tn White House was little
more spunk. But does he have to i'm
mort 1t firm abroad. I ask We? Isn't
there enough American spunk?
sewen, sir, there are a few iv tn
thin9s that are on tn free list. But
there are others, mind We. Here's
some iv thin: Apatite. hogs brfstles.
vurruks Nv art more thin twinty years
old, kelp, marshmaliows, life boats.
silk worms eggs. stills, skeletons. TUT.
ties an leeches. TIL new tariff bill
nuts these familyar commodities with
In tn reach Nv aK But there's big
ger surprise waitin' f'r ye. suppose
we've been world q good deal about
how much It was goin' to cost ye ~
xet ye'er this years yacht through
tn custom house Ye were. weren't
pinch here an there. we've given up
an ,toId(ye she was goin' to buy new
hat we've said: Hadn't ye betther
nut II off till we see what we have to
nav in tooties on that new six thous-
and horse power, toorbine yacht that
We 40 foolishly ordherei whin ye were
In England visitin' Andrew Carnay-
Eie.' Wen, sir, ye can tsll ye'er wire
to 20 down an ordher tn biggest
peach basket in tn window f'r. Hin
nissv me boy. firm now on yachts
can be imported free. Here 1t Is II ye
don't believe me: Yachts free Nv
tooty.' Thin simple wurruds Will
bring a new hope to NANNY q toiler
an whin We go sailin' off TO ye'er wur-
ruk with ye'er shovel on yeer shoul-
dher next winter ye can thank Nelson
Aldrich that We don't have to buy an
autymobill or walk.
"Ye feel bother now about undher-
wear -costin' -less-thin-a -dollar-twfn-
ty-five-a -lozen<forty percent. don't
ye7 Well. I've saved tn best FIR tn
last What dye think ends tn free
list? I'll give We twinty chances an
Veil nIyer guess. Blankets? No.
Sugar. Wrong. Flannel shirts!
Thrv to be q little practical. Hinnissy.
sinitor Aidrich amt no majician.
Well, might as well tell ye II ye're
sure ye'er heart is sthrong an, ye can
stand a Joyful surprise. Are We
ready? Wen. thin joss sticks an
opyum rr smokin' ARE on tn free
listi II they amt I'm a Chinyman an
IL they are I'll be wan pretty soon
How often have ! envied me frind HOP
lang vhfn I see him burnin' his price,
less toss sticks while I had to worship
with an infeeryor stencil put up In
Grand Rapids, Michigan. How often
have I seen him lynn on top ~ me
weeks washin' pullin' away at tn
.savry rooster brand an ahream-
ch,ny. while rye had to contint
rnasIif with a stogy that give me a
headache. But that day is passed. ME-
good an great frind firm Rhode Island
has made me tn akel Nv amy CninK
that liver rolled a pill. Tn 'tarin bill
wudden't be complete without thai
there item. But 1t ought to read: "Opy'
UNI f'r smoking while readin tn tar
IN BILL We can take this sterlln
piece Nv litrachoor to a punk win "
am light q ball Nv hop. Befure "
smoke I'M p'raps We can't see where
tn tariff has been rejooced. But az
Their we've had long dhraw 1t all be.
comes clear to 5ie. Ye'er worries about
en-, childhrens shoes disappear an "
sac ye'ersilf fioatin' over purple ses
~ alazarin' in ye'er private yacht, lull.
ed be Th' London Times. surrounded
be wurruks Nv art more thin twintS
years old, atm marshmaliows an ca
nary bur-rd seed while tn turtles an
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