The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1909-09-03
SUM-


Toacher-What are heavenly bodies!
| Jimmie-Good dead people.
did his widow succeed in breaking
his will?" Yes; long before ne dleo.
kansas City Journal.
The Teacher-Now, Johnny, you may
toll mo how the earth is divided. The
Pupil-By earthquakes!
Ethel-Jack simply raved over my
figure and my complexion. Maud-And
is he still in the asylum?
| West End-Do you ,lieve In the
principle that money talks? Murray
hill-WeIl, it says goodbye to me fire.
quently.-Town Topics.
Miss Wabash - How delightfully
your sister plays? Miss Waldo-Why
nv dear, that's the man in the back
parlor turning the piano.-Llfe.
"What is a chauffeur Hans?' "A
chauffeur is a man who Is smart
enough to run an auto, but too smart
to own one."-Kansas City Journal.
Johnny-They're making shingles out
O. cement nowadays. Dickey-I don't
mind that so much, but If NAV ever
gets a pair O. cement slippers T." So
in to run away!
what period have you selected for
this historical novel?' asked the pub
Usher. Il shall not use periods" an
swered the author; nothing but ex-
clamation points"
"How did you contrive to cultivate
such a beautiful black eye?" asked
Brown? "Oh!" replied Fogg, who had
been practicing upon roller skates, Il
raised it from slip"
How do you recognize an infant in
dustry?" Like most infants" answer
ed Senator Sorghum, ''it is recognized
by the amount of noise it makes when
it wants to be noticed"
Your son closed his college career
| in a blaze of glory" 81 should say he
did. The week before commencement
day he made a three-base hit with the
bases full. Detroit Free Press.
| Friend| understand, Mrs. Stern,
that your daughter has married since
we last met Miss Stern-Yes, and been
divorced. Friend-Ah! And who Is
the happy man?-Boston Transcript.
Now, Tommy" said the teacher.
you may give me an example Of a CO.
incidence" why er-why-me fad
der and me mudder was both married
on de same day."-Harper's Weekly.
what, Heinrich! drinking again? I
thought you intended to quit Zach
dot Is 50, yes. But in der words of
der saying, Der ghost vas Wiling. but
der meat vas feeble boston Tran
script.
Gus-What did you think of our
amateur theatricals, Miss Mamie?
Rather a rare entertainment, was 1t
not? Miss e-Well-er-yes; it
wasn't very we'll done, to be sure
Harper's Bazaar.
you want speedy car, of course?''
you bet" How about hill climb
err" ooh, don't keer to go after Pc
destrians to that extent. Just gimme
a machine that will get 'em on the
fiat" -Pittsburg Post.
"What is the difference between valor
and discretion?" "Well, to 60 through
Europe without tipping would be
valor" 81 see" "And to come back
by a different route would be discre-
ton" Courier-Journal.
| DoAuhor Tboro ;, 1ifo ci1 rnrtro ~
1 painted of Puffem, but he refused to
accept it. Brushleigh-It seemed to he
a good likeness of him. What was the
trouble? DeAuber-It's only about halt
as big as he thinks he is.-Chicago
Daily News.
1--WE don't have dinner in the middle
of the day at our hoarding-house any
more" "You have lunch, I suppose p
"No, luncheon" We'll, that's the same
thing" "Oh, no, it isn't! Lunch is a
light dinner, and luncheon a light
lunch. Puck.
you can't make a man a gentle
man by calling him one," said the NOR
alizer. True" rejoined the thought
full thinker, ''but nine times out of a
possible ten you can please him and
thereby carry your point, and that is
more to the purpose"
Bridget-Sure, now, yez don't name
ter say -e~ livin' in a family phere
there amt no cat. Who kin ye blame
things onY Ann = The childer'.
Bridget-Oh, it's foolin' ye are! Ann
They aren't her own childer'; they're
the maste-s.-New York Weekly.
Did you hear about the red, white
and blue wedding this morning?" mo
what about it," 1.-The bride was in
red, the bridegroom thought he had
left the ring at home and turned white,
and the brides father. who had all the
bills to pay, looked exceedingly blue" "
/ Stranger Donnerwetter, now
you have cut my chin a second time!
II you can't shave be = than that
you will lose all your customers pref
ty quick. BARRIERS Apprentice-Not
at all! l am not allowed to shave
|