The San Francisco call., 1909-04-18

NO USE MAKING YOUR EYES RED. Amt
GOING TO DIE YET"
ERE is one OF the most dramatic episodes
that has into my experience.
- My patient was man 81 about 40 45,
big. handsome sweet tempered. highly
strung intelligent and very lkabe. There
was no hope for him; he had cancerous
growth. but though he was suffering intensely. he
bore all with wonderful patience, rarely
ing. never complaining.
After had watched with him. however, FOR short
time. came the conclusion that some intense
mental suffering was the probable explanation of
his fortiudc. that made him almost unconscious of
physical pain. His mind seemed 10 be constantly
dwelling ON very dreadful. all absorbing thoughts.
These thoughts. whatever they were. gave him no
rest le would battle with them until he was quite
exhausted and then he would beg US for drugs This
was the only time he complained I'm SO tired
so tired he would say Please make sleep"
But even in his sleep tho struggle evidently still
on. Often he would moan pitifuy, and sometimes
cry aloud.
One day he was unusually weak and nervous and
The black thoughts would not be downed lie began
by mumbling and muttering and then he shrickcd
out: Did he live. did he live: Oh God. let me
know let but be can die until
know Oh God, is that excuse: did not know"
vi course. NC managed TO quiet lim. but was
more than ever sure now that my surmise was cor
rect and decided that ] would get the bottom
Of the trouble and. if possible. find the means OF
satisfying him It has always seemed that in
this troubled world it is due every at least to
die in peace. And so with the interest and sym
pathy had always manifested it took only a. lew
well directed questions to bring forth his story
As a young man. some 20 or 3 years before. he
had studied medicine lie took his degree. hung out
his sign and his very first call from the apart
ment above his Office, where the little son of the
family had been taken suddenly i'll during the night.
After examining the child. he pronounced the case
bronchitis ordered hot applications. and told the
parents TO keep the room very But the next
day the child worse. and he continued TO fail
very rapidly
Whether from inexperience, or carecssness. or the
arrogant infability OF youth whatever the cxplana-
ton. nevertheless. the young doctor did even
seem 10 consider the probability Of wrong dag
noss but continued with the same treatment The
little boy was an only child. and the parents were
almost frantic with fcar. Finally they decided to
consult another physician and called in we'll known
ohlds specialist. The new physician hardly looked
the child when he pronounced the disease to be
dphthera. Then. noting the closed windows and
not packs. he said. What did you have here. a
horse DOCTOR" He worked over tho child for an
hour more, entirely reversing the treatment, but
Ny poor patient tried to make me understand his
shame and humiliation he slipped OF the room
lie said that hc had never bccu able to understand
why he did NOT recognize the disease for il is almost
Impossible 10 mistake diphthcra At FIRST he was
alive only the professional stigma. but gradually
the possible consequences OF his mistake over
,ehelmed him. He was horror stricken Perhaps
lie had killed the child lie could not tell and he
Was afraid a. ind out And he had been afraid to
ind out ever since
The next day he Lett the city and Tor two years he
tramped The earth trying 10 forget When lic re-
turned home the family had moved and he made nc
inquiries about them. But ne never practiccd med
cine again 3e decided thai he not iii he in
trusted with the fate oi Il human life lie opened {
drug store. but he never presumed the kno@lcdg,
pi his lost profession and never allowed himself tc
idrise even for the slightest aiiment
Il only had case. you know he said; 1T wa.
my first and my last lic WAS icn; for momcn
after finishing. his story. and confess was toe
chokcd with pity to ind anything 10 say Then b,
turned TO me. his eyes bg with hopciessness anc
pleading Do you think lie fveds Or. if he died :
and be shaddered, could his parents forgive me.
Tell me. tell nc. I can not lace my God with th
sin upon my soul
OF course I tried to reassure him But he ,youl,
not be satisfied ~Ah. no you are only saying tha
to quiet me And he became more excited Il mus
know the truth. | must know can not die oh
God have ] not done penanoe enough Let m,
know let me know. am tired tired
That afternoon when his brother came told wha
had learned OF course the brother knew ali abou
IT, and then / unfolded my plan. He mak
every effort to locate the family which had had th
sick child and if possible bring the father OF tn
child to the patient Il il was impossible TO lay