davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-04-24

and took their sampans and hit the beach
again.
The Washington woman whose catch
phrase Is when I WAS on the Erin is
an employe in one of the departments.
She Is very huge, fussy. pompous
woman, owns China silk waist or two,
has van evening at home" and is pro-
fOundly possessed Of the naive belief that
she is figurante in Washington society.
In addition she has the genealogical bug,
and she believes implicitly and pathetic
ally that she IN descended from some
jock or other who fizgigged around in the
British isles some centuries ago.
During the summer, when the last
yacht race between Sir Thomas L'pton's
Shamrock and the American bat was
held. this Washington woman. possess
ing SO many quaint beliefs in herself.
took one of those little hurry-up tours to
England for the purpose. mainly. OF in
said jock. Having demonstrated to her
own satisfaction. anyhow, that sha was
some sort OF a collateral descendant,
whatever that means. of the jock, she
returned to the United States She hap
pened to hit New York at the time when
the Erin was lying In New York harbor.
and one day. with a party of folks, she
went aboard that steam yacht. Sir
Thomas Upton happened to be on board.
and somehow or another the party with
whom the Washington woman happened
to be got themselves invited to take
luncheon on board the Erin with Sir
Thomas Upton. They had their lunch
con and returned to the beach.
But that luncheon settled things for all
time with the Washington woman.
Evening star., 1909-04-24
Magic Of a Smile.

THAT girl sitting on the other side
OF the car has the tonic smile," said a
friend whom I had met in the trolley
car the other day. "A tonic smile.
What on earth is that?' asked. Its
a smile that Is glad because the world
is a happy place. and the girl over there
has got It," was the reply.
There are all kinds OF smiles" my
friend continued-'thA ones that bring
us pleasure. that fascinate us or that
greet US in friendly fashion. But best
of all is the smile that is like mental
joy Of life's worthiness, that fiings out
to our souls a gay. brave call to arms"
The tonic smile Is the one that looks
the world in the face in comrade fash
ion. She does not blink things. this
lady Of the tonic smile; she has none
of the insipid unsophistication of the
girl whose innocence is all ignorance.
No: she believes the world worth while.
not because she does not know 1t, but
simply because she does.
And she likes people....-tust, people
and wishes them well. She always be-
lieves the best OF people and has
happy gift Of bringing the best out Of
that her smile holds 90 much OF buoy
ancy. of uplift, of real Joy. 1t is not
consciously kind. though 1t greets all
men as brothers. And in universality
perhaps lies the secret Of the tonic smile
that it is not the expression Of a mood
of an affection, OF desire to please. 1t
is not personal at all. Life may be a
dreary burden for my lady OF the morn
ing smile. but the life Of the world goes
on just the Same. needing the call to
arms. And SO when you meet her-at
work, at play, in dull hours or bright
she looks up smiling and serene and bids
you. too. to watch smiling for the sun
rise Of another day.
Do you know this lady with the tonic
emile? DAPHNE DEAN.
Evening star., 1909-04-24

then he was ready to enlighten his
friends on the subject of artillery. OF
course. he found difficulty in introducing
subject SO removed from the beaten
path of ordinary conversation. But he
found ways. For example. he'd permit
his knife to fall with q clatter on his
plate when invited out to dinner, and
then, when the folks at table were star
tied by the clatter. he'd look up and be-
gin:
by the way. talking about noises and
artillery and things, that reminds me-"
etc, etc.
Well. all of this is by way of prelude
to a little account Of the Washington
woman who is always talking about the
Erin
when was on the Erin'-that phrase
Is the one best bet In way OF speaking
of this Washington woman. Her friends
have heard it from her lips SO often that
some of them almost catch themselves
saying 1t out Of their own mouths.
or less cryptic, requires q bit Of elucida-
ton.
The Erin. then, is a yacht, a steam
yacht. Perhaps you remember all about
\ her. She's the steam yacht owned by
Sir Thcmas Upton. and Sir Thomas came
to New York on board the Erin the last
time he brought one Of his Shamrocks
over here to take the usual walloping
from the American boat.
While the Erin lay at anchor in New
York harbor on that occasion-and she
was in the harbor for quite a month";
a whole lot of folks went aboard of her.
There wasn't much exciusiveness on board
the Erin. Sir Thomas Upton always was
Evening star., 1909-04-24

sun. eff yo' all KEEP it long in de back
lake" said the barber
Then the Hon. T. Reed. Speaker of the
house OF Representatives, removed his
gaze from the doorknob of the barber
shop fastened it upon the ceiling cleared
MS throat, and drawled some more. as
follows:
Permit me to assure you y 1onsorial
friend" said he. that the appearance
of my hair as l have been accustomed to
wearing il is eminently satisfactory to
myself. and. perhaps l might also say.
to my friends and constituents. What
little hair still adorns my head ! have
possessed for long time. ! know 1t
well. / have been on familiar terms
with this hair for many years.
Il have inadvertently mingled spruce
gum and chewing tar with Ii in the years
of my extreme youth. I have often sun
dried it in order to present proper not
guilty appearance at home after sur
had it pulled the wrong way by boys
whom I only learned to thrash later on.
when the triumph had become stale. At
the same period OF my life l even en-
ascending tiers. with certain china i'm
plement az guide-by experimental maiden
aunts. The consequence OF all this is
that this bit of remaining hair and I are
indulge the hair and the hair indulges
me. The hair indulges me by permitting
me to wear 1t after my own conception
as to the way it ought to be worn, and
indulge, the hair by firmly declining to
have ID trified with by gentlemen of the
scissors who possess artistic ideas more
bizarre than my own. I fear TIL have to
ask you to indulge us both-the hair and
me. Now. you cut my hair the way I
directed you to cut it,
The black barber looked dazed. When
the great man had numbered out Of the
shop. rolling like a man-o'-war bosun's s
mate on a three-day shore liberty, the
black barber rnumbled
'Speakuh! Well, All should say he all is
a speakuh!' CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.
Evening star., 1909-04-24

want ii cut IL you are sufficiently circum-
spect humble and all like that, in making
your request as to how you want to have
it done.
If this is so. the present writer. who
moves about among many cities. has not
been able to locate any BARRIERS of that
kind.
The only BARRIERS he has been able TO
find. after much wistful searching. are
the BARRIERS who insist upon cutting his
hair In just the ding whoppled way that
they themselves desire to cut it.
However, that's neither here nor there,
because this Is a story about the late Tom
Reed and how he tagged a barber. The
moral of 1t Is that it takes a man just
about big as the late Tom Reed was.
physically and mentally. to flag a barber
once a barber has got his teeth set to-
gether and has formed an intention to do
things HIS way.
One day. while he was Speaker of the
House, Tom Reed reclined in a Washing
ton hotel barber chair. looking like an
aproned Buddha deeply plunged in con-
temptation of the limitations of the in
finite.
Inscrutabiiity beamed from his shrewd,
penetrating. fat-lidded eyes.
He seemed to reck not that the burly,
selfish world was amove.
He gaxed with q continuously focused
gaze upon the knob of the barber shop
door-whether attempting to hypnotize
himself or to hypnotic the knob. who
Evening star., 1909-04-24

a great kind of handshaker and josher.
and he didn't mind how many folks came
aboard his yacht. In fact, he kept open
ship on board the Erin. and anybody
wearing a decent suit of clothes could
run out to the Erin in q launch or motor
boat. or even skif. and 90 over the
gangway and take peek at the Erin.
and. perhaps. if he happened to be on
board, get a CHEEKY word or two from
the clever conologist Irishnan owning the
yacht. Quite a number of thousands Of
people went on board the Erin In this
way. just as thousands 60 on board a
man war lying in a harbor when they
get a chance. The thousands who go
aboard a n-o'-war, Of course. don't
get chummy with the admiral. il II hap
pens to be q flagship. or with the skipper
and wardroom officers II it's not flag
ship, and they don't poke the officers In
the ribs and swap yarns with 'em and sit
down at mess with 'em. and all like that.
No more did the folks who went on
board the Erin become thicker'n thieves
with Sir Thomas Upton. AS rule. they
were shown about by a duartermaster.
and then. having seen the ship, and. per-
haps. the owner thereof for a minute or
go, why, they beat 1t down the gangway
Evening star., 1909-04-24

shall say?-and he spake no word to the
grinning black barber with teeth like
peeled almonds, who swept the scissors
with zephyrous touch through the color
less wisp of hair that family fringed the
after part of the great mans skull.
The disinclination CT the Hon. T. Reed
to be discursive was not according to the
black BARRIERS idea of things
He attempted to draw out the renowned
man. perhaps in order TO bequeath a
legacy of epigrams to posterity.
But the great man only grunted
monosvllahic replies and resumed his
Evening star., 1909-04-24

as a carioaturist. often come across
worse caricatures than that poor devil
could turn off. First he drew the prose-
cutting attorney with widely distended
mouth and Hacking arms. Then he made
a striking pencil likeness of the judge
but he gave the judge the ears OF a
burro. Then he rapidly caricatured
others of the officials about the court
ROOM
Now, IL he had allowed his sketching
to 60 at that. everything might have
come out all right. The sketches weren't
designed to be seen by anybody except
his counsel But. having exhausted with
his pencil all Of the other countenances
In the ROOM George began to draw the
female jurors. Some Of the faces Of
these women offered fertile suggestions
to the pencil OF the caricaturist. Lane
caught their shortcomings of FORM
feature and expression, and he transferred
these impressions to the slips Of paper
with all of their incongruities magnified
hundredfold. The forewoman Of the
jury was a. most excellent person. but
she was afflicted with a very severe ex
preston and large and most pendulous
nose. Lane gave her, in his sketch. the
expression Of a virago. and while he over
did the size Of her nose the likeness was
Evening star., 1909-04-24
LANE GOT INTO ROW OVER GAME OF CARDS"

one that anybody could instantly recog-
nize. Seated next the forewoman in the
jury box was an elderly spinster, who
wore her hair In kinky. gingery rinslets.
with a bunch OF the ringlets suspended
over each of her ears. and Lane made
her headdress look like that of kaffir
without in the least spelling the effect OF
the perfect likeness. Another Of the
jurors was an extremely adipose woman.
who was keenly sensitive on the subject
Of her stoutness. and Lane drew her as
a circus fat woman seated on chair in
a circus side show with the living skeleton
and the dwarf beside her in outline.
Lane had just about finished amusing
himself with these sketches of the women
OF the jury. when the lawyers ceased
their arguments and the judge began his
charge to the jury. Lane knocked on
Evening star., 1909-04-24

rather one came addressed to him the
other day-that was in a class by itself.
1t was from an indignant and iliiterate
female OF Lebanon, Smith county, Tenn.
complaining that a neighbor had insulted
her by saying she had no style and
asking him to do something about It.
Here's the letter:
President Taffe; Most Esteem Ruler of
the u. S.:
IT have a word TO say please give me
some light l call to my neighbor's house
about Monday but did not dine at all. AS
soon as they were over. him and his
wife comes in SO I and his wife begun
to talk like wimmins usely does about
style so spoke to his wife about style.
He took the word instead OF his wife and
wore nothing I'm style and said his dog
know more about style than I did. So
and him had word for word so he insult
ed me in his own house ON cool blood
I was SO hurt 1 thought would asst you
to give a word about the case. I thought
these neighbors was friends and we was
all in good staining until this day when
I started home 1 left walking cane and
lie comes to the door and said come back
and carry your trash away with you.
wont tell II all but Mr.. Taffe I get such
a. shock | will come before the Justice
OF the Peace and swear l am afraid Of
him. I use first class style from Chi
cago and I wont be run over by trash.
Please don't fail to give a word. Please
answer soon waiting friend
Evening star., 1909-04-24

Gus jobs that would enable him to intro
duce the subject of artillery.
He had started to brush up on general
knowledge by wading through the en-
cyclopedia. and, beginning at the Begin
ming. ne hadn't entirely finished the AS
in the encyclopedia. Under the AS, OF
course. he found the subject of artillery,
treated In quite number OF pages. He
doped out that artillery subject quite
thoroughly in the encyclopedia, and
Evening star., 1909-04-24

accordance with artistic practice. Lane
had placed his name at the bottom of
each sketch.
Viper! Murderer were the instant
denunciatory terms with which the woman
Jurors adverted to the unfortunate Lane
The women gathered about the table In
the jury room in bunch and examined
the sketches with flaming eyes They
didn't let the male jurymen see the
sketches except at a distance. The male
jurymen. however. quickly found out
what had changed the attitude OF their
female companions the jury toward
Lane, and they exchanged glances wi'>
each other
"'Well I'm laying twenty to one.'
whispered one Of the male Jurors to an
other one, that this here Lane hombrey
Evening star., 1909-04-24

didn't tell her so. for whats the use of
quoting instances and arguing with suf-
fragette lady? The victim in the case
have in mind. however, lost out because
he had no better sense than to make fun
of the six women sitting on the jury in
his case.
1.-The thing happened in Cheyenne when
Cheyenne was frontier town filled with
Chink railroad hands. Mexican sheep
herders. gamblers and grafters OF all
ranks and degrees with schemes to me ke
money in the town then known as the
Evening star., 1909-04-24

Out In Mr. RodenbergS district just the
other day Russian came up for exam
ination prior to being naturAlized a citi-
zen Of the United States. Having been
told by his countrymen that the naturali-
zation officers were much stricter now
adays than they used to be, this Rus
sian, who, from all accounts was a pretty
clever sort OF citizen. had studied hard
for the great event of his life and entered
the courtroom with smile on his face
He was ready; that was he. and he didn't
care who knew it. He lasted just two
questions.
How is the President of the United
States elected?" was the first one, and the
Russian promptly and smilingly replied
by the republican party" The registra-
tion judge and the court officials had a
fierce time preserving their gravity over
the disingenuous truthfulness OF this
somewhat informal and technically in
correct reply and then they passed along
to the next question.
'tWho,'' they asked the Russian candi-
date for citizenship, lis the greatest man
in the United States?'
If doubtful before this time the Russian
Was sure of his ground. He advanced one
Evening star., 1909-04-24

drawled-of course he always drawled:
II came into the world that way. Then
I had an interval of comparative hirsute
luxuriance. But that period was not en-
during. 1 have long since emerged from
the grief of the deprivation. 1t no longer
afflicts me. Do not l request, permit 1t
to weigh upon you"
The barber studied over this for a
while. However, 1t is not probable that
he fully apprehended it's meaning. For
after few moments of silence he began
again.
"YO' all's haiuh 'ud look some bettuh,
Evening star., 1909-04-24

reverie.
Whereupon the barber, persistent. de-
cided to switch to the subject of the
great mans hirsute peculiarities.
'Yo' all's haiuh sut'nly Is thinnin' out
a heap suh." he said to the Speaker.
"Um-m-m," replied Mr.. Reed.
"Teenchy bit O. tonic do it a hull lot O.
good sub" said the barber.
''Um-m-m: no tonic.'' said Mr. Reed.
Bin bald on de top o. yo' all's haid
long. suh?' inquired the barber.
Mr.. Reed didn't remove his gaze from
Evening star., 1909-04-24
THE PRISONER OFFENDED WOMAN JURORS

S L + + RAGETTE
lady was telling
me the other day
that if women were
on juries in capital
cases they'd never
convict a human
being il such con-
victien meant exc
cution for the vic
tim said a man
from Wyoming. II
know different. I
Evening star., 1909-04-24

OU remember, per-
haps, that story
which Oliver Wen
dell Holmes told
somewhere about
the young man
who. having learn
ed a lot about ar
tillery, wanted to
talk artillery. and
schemed and con.
trived and put up
pellucidly diaphan-
Evening star., 1909-04-24

his sketching to listen to the charge. The
charge was pretty we'll on his side, and It
looked as Ii he would get. off with light
sentence. If not acquitted. But, un-
fortunately for Lane. when the case was
handed over to the jury all Of the slips
of paper upon which he had drawn his
caricatures were. without the prisoners
noticing It. gathered up with some legal
papers on his counsel's table and taken to
the jury room Before the sketches
caught the eye of any Of the Jurors sew
eral ballots were taken. Every last one
of the women voted for Lanes acquittal.
There were some stubborn fellows among
the male jurors. however, and these voted
to give George the verdict of man.
slaughter.
1T was just at this stage of 1t, while
the preliminary ballots were being taken,
that Lanes caricatures were discovered
in the mass of papers gathered from his
counsers desk. There wasn't any doubt
as to who had made the drawings All
hands OF the jurors suddenly remembered
how busy the prisoner had been with his
pencil in the courtroom, and, anyhow, In
Evening star., 1909-04-24
English Dinner Custom.

The English fashion OF serving the
hostess first at dinner Is becoming more
and more in favor in this country. One
advantage is that by watching the
hostess a guest may be saved embar-
rassment II new or complicated dishes
are served.
Evening star., 1909-04-24
.HE HON. CHARLES BRAsswHIs-

HUN. SI1AnLE0 Dn<AOO w IlASo
KERS COTTERILL. who covers
. the House OF Representatives for
the Associated Press, was congratulating
himself some time ago on the fact that
having rounded up the tariff bill and
chased it over to the Senate he would
have some several weeks Of comparative
quiet before the blamed thing came back.
during which interval he might take life
as 1t came without tearing his shirt or
giving other evidences of q man overbur-
dened with work. So, and again 80.
But he forgot to knock on wood or
something OF the sort, for 1t was only a
day or so ago that met the Honorable
Charles in front Of The Star ONCE. and
he was looking too grouchy for words.
'Smatter, Chas?" I inquired.
"Himmelische Gott,' he replied, or
words to that effect, do you know what
I'm doing now. do you know. can't you
guess?'
''Nevair," said 1: land 1 hain't going
to try"
Why said Chas. with helpless. hope
less, all-is-lost-save-honor expression, Il
am covering the session of the D. A. r.
Evening star., 1909-04-24

T may be that your
barber cuts your
hair the way you
want and direct
him to cut 1t.
II so. this story
won't interest you.
1t is said that
that there are bar
bers. In this and
other cities. who
WILL cut your
hair the way you
Evening star., 1909-04-24
foot. threw out his chest and in a dra-

foot. threw out his chest and in a dra-
matte manner declared congressman
Bllee Rodenberg."
whereupon court adjourned sine die
Mr.. Rodenberg has not yet heard whether
or no the Russian got his citizenship pa
pers.
Incidentally. Mr.. Rodenberg, during the
course Of q little chat just the other day
explained to me something | had been
anxious to know for 10! these many
moons. He told me why all naturalized
Italians. that is. almost all, vote the re-
publican ticket.
'.'Tis easy" said he. in the honeyed ac-
cents of East st. Louis. "for over in
and their party Is the republican, party.
When they come over here they are still
agin the government in sentiment, and the
republicans party with the "a left of
catches their eye and their vote. After
that they can't be pried loose with crow
bar. When Bryan was running on the
free silver issue all Italians were re-
publicans and sound money men. If you d
ask them why they'd say Republicans
party giva da gooda mOn,' and no other
arguments went. Now they are republi-
cans. they'll tell you. because they 'wanta
da Iowa da price. and that line is in the
same class And they hit the nail on the
head in both instances at that
x*
r TELL you. good people. these local
policemen are the real genuine arti-
4 Gle when it comes to working the
third degree. They go right after the
facts. and woe betide the unfortunate
criminal--or non-criminal, too, for that
matter-who is entangled in their mesh.
They put him through the paper hoops
and no mistake.
Just week or so ago there was a merry
Evening star., 1909-04-24
REPRESENTATIVE

EfhE6ENI i A lit T.
BILL RODEN- :
BERG Of Illinois is
a great man. His
friends say so. his
acquaintance do
not deny 1t and
he admits the fact
mself. Thus is 1t
established. But in
the event of further
proof being needed
IL is ready to hand.
Evening star., 1909-04-24

centuries since Clean Drinking Manor
was without a tenant. But 1t Is
surely that way now. After living for
years in the ramshackle, tumbledown
Evening star., 1909-04-24

@F course, as everybody knows. bales
I and bales Of crazy and crankish
letters are received by public Off
cials in Washington every week in the
year, but President Taft got one-or
Evening star., 1909-04-24

pers are on to their jobs real brisky.
aren't they? Citizens contemplating cas-
ual visits to No. l precinct will please
take notice
The log cabin Democrat., 1909-07-15
DAMASCUS.

We are still having dry hot weather in this section.
 Grandma Lydia Hutto is very i'll al her sons, Dr. A. I. Hutto, at this writ ing.
 T. F. Thompson is at Plumerville this week doing some machine repair for A. D. Malone.
 MT. Forsy the of two miles south is very ill.
 Dr. T. B. Hutto and wife of settlement spent Sunday at this place with home folks and friends. William Brown began a subscription school here yesterday morning with a nice enrolment, though the writer did not learn the exact number Miss Parilee Martin and Mrs. Polly Straciner, the Bee Branch milliners who were victorious of the cyclone which completely destroyed Bee Branch, moved here yesterday and will follow their profession here in inc fu- ture. James Mcgee started to Conway yes- terday after a new mower and reaper.
 M. B. Linn is attending court at Con. way this week. July IA.