davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26
A Dollar a Cussword

WE heard another of these self fining stories
which Is submitted without comment
possessing as we do certain feeling that II
hinges more upon its humorous nub than upon
any more solid foundation. The husband OF
the narrative, It appears was a verV prOfane IN
dlvldual; so profane that he kept his wife IN a
constant state of shock and humiliation. So he
volunteered to attempt 70 cure himself of the
obJurgatory habit by paving her, cash in hand
dollar every time he gave expression to a crss-
word.
This arrangement cost him a good deal OF
money during the first month or so. but he
stuck by his bargain. and his wife was never at
loss for money wherewith to raid the bargain
counters. Along toward the end of the second
month, however, the husband finding that
most OF his pocket money was disappearing IN
the form of cuSsing fines. began to pull himself
up with round turn every time he was on the
point OF giving utteranCe to a Swearword
After two months of effort he succeeded IN
curing himself completely of the swearing habit
w h1le this retormatorv process was going on
however. he was mystifed 10 observe that his
wife was becoming more and more unhappy
looking from day to day- One evening. when
he shipped on rug and merely said PShaw''
by way of expressing himself his wife suddenly
burst into tears.
Why what on earth ails YOU nv DEAR" he
asked her supposedly and SOlicitouSIv.
A-y-you re n-n-nOt one b-b-bit Hike Won
used tito b-b-be t-t-that'S ALL" she gasDed
dabblng at her eyes with wadded handker-
chief.
Not like used to be-" exclaimed the hus-
band IN amaZenent. &c Whv what have been
and gone and done now' What do YOU mean -
f-y-you d-d-dOnt C-C-cuSS n-n-nice and
c-c-cunnin' like YOU used to-" the weepfuI wife
Is SAID to have said-but We don't believe it.
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26
A Dressmaker's Device

WTE heard. too, of a woman dressmaker IN a
large way of business who. though of a
lavish and money wasting habit, succeeded in
saving a large sum of money for herself after
vowing that she would fine herself an amount
equal to the cost of every dress of which her
customers complained.
Complaints over dresses were so frequent
after she'd made this agreement with herself
that she had to loP off most of her personal ex-
travaganCes IN order TO meet the fines she I'M
posed upon herself; but she stuck 1t out. and
not only gained the money but eventually
trained herself IN the saving habit.
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26
A Court Predictor

rapher. a court reporter of long experience
in criminal courts, who makes it a practice to
attempt TO decide for his own satisfaction. from
the summing up of the judges and so on,
whether this or that criminal is likely 70 be
acquitted or convicted bv the iuries. He fines
himself twenty dollars every time he makes a
wrong pick, That Is to say. if he concludes, for
instance, that the jury in a certain case will
acquit prisoner, and the Jury really con-
and fines himself twenty dollars, which he puts
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26

habits. After having been down and out, in
direSt poverty and often hungry, for con-
siderable period, he finally bucked up and did
a bit of painting that brought him a check for
one hundred dollars. He was bitterly deter
mined that that one hundred dollars shouldn't
60 IN the usual quick and Shattering way.
When he had the one hundred-dollar check
cashed he asked the paying teller TO give the
money to him IN dimes and quarters.
When he reached his dingv garnet studio he
pulled out these paper-bound packages of sill
YER one by one, and slammed them with al his
might against the wall. The packages of silver
coin broke under the impact, Of course, the
CONS dropping in showers to the floor. There
the artist permitted the coins to lie. When he
needed coin for food or for any other proper
purpose, he'd get down on his marrowbones
and pick it up.
The money lasted him about ten times longer
than any other one hundred dollars had ever
lasted him before and by the time he had crept
and crawled around looking for the last of the
silver disks he had learned little lesson IN saw
ing that has stood him in good stead ever since.
Fined Himself for Losing at Poker
self FINING systems, as revealed by this
- inquiry, are numerous and ingenious. For
example, there Is the case of that young chap
who, becoming sore with himself over his re
peated and injurious lOSngS at the insidiOuS
game of draw poker determined TO punish
himself. He Couldn' quite see his way clear 10
abandoning the game OF poker; 50 he decided
that every time he lost at poker he would put
aside, as savings, an amount equal to his los
ings on each occasion.
He kept right on losing at each poker seance;
but he stuck 10 his compact with himself and
equaled his losings each time by a deposit in
the savings bank. Continuing to play poker.
he found after bit that he was being shredded
to such an extent that it would Immediately be
case of Surrendering his poker OF his savings.
Thus fatty confronted, he chose the alterna-
tive of giving up poker. and, having in the
meantime learned the rudimentS of the saving
habit, he stayed with that habit found that
with poker to drain him. he had plenty of
surplus money to put away; so that now, as
he himself expresses it. he has become so used
to saving that he's almost a tightwad.
A Court PredictOr
THEN there's the case of an expert stenog-
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26
EEAI. ESTATE

INVESTORS NOTlCE-It's coneS~sSa, WIS
real estate is absolutely safe n, 2.s ,s'" Ys's Lie
special plan. J A. Walters Ne"
Minneapolis, Mirn
New-York tribune., 1909-09-26
IEt;IL FOKN-
COEPORATION.

INCoEP0EArT YovE BUslNSEsSsSS, ,aypssr. syssr.
least cost Trsn>4lt busincss. keep Ina si',
,dcut StoJdlrl former Nccrc,tiN % a., Bars -,
Ev-I avs and Forms Reiercnee W w PhoeaN>-~ -
sto,ldar.l Incorporating Compsny, bSN -
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04
THE IRISH STANDARD, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 1909

independence for Ireland that thu
manufactures and commerce of the
country began to revive. During the
eighteen years of the Grattan parlia-
ment Irish manufactures prospered
under protective tariff, but after
the act Of union they gradually de-
clined, and many of them were utter
ly wiped out of existence by Brit
ish competition and free trade. The
great ascendancy of Great Britain iii
industrial enterprise injured Irish
manufactures of all kinds except the
linen trade Of Ulster. Ireland could
no more compete with England in
trade than small shop could COM
pete with a department store Some
manufactures have survived on 4
small scale, but the most of them
have gone to the wall. and the island
is inundated with commercial trav-
elers from England and Scotland taxi
ing orders for British made goods.
LII ieIelL years liIe irish nave DeGn
making a gallant effort to revive their
own manufactures for their own use
in the face Of British competition, and
they ought to be encouraged by the
Irish in America. Next year the So
900 Irish Americans who visit the
Emerald Isle should buy Irish-mado
clothing and other things Of native
manufacture and turn their backs on
Rritsh-made articles. They ought to
start market in the United States
for the sale Of Irish goods. That is
the proper way to display their frien.l-
ship for the struggling people of the
old land.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

In a recent address, John Dillon,
M. p, brought the English Catho!i:
priests to task for urging the Catho-
lie laymen to vote for Tory candidates
in preference to Liberals, because OF
the school question, which was not an
issue. At the Dumfries election, Canon
Hawkins told the Catholics that they
must vote for my dear Profumo" and
defeat his opponent. God help the
Catholic schools of this country" said
Mr.. Dillon, IF they had to depend OIL
the Duke of Norfolk and Mr.. Profumo."
He was glad to say that the Catholic
voters of High Peak set the counsel
they received at defiance and voted
solid for the Liberal candidate. The
Catholic laity are entitled to exercise
their own judgment in political mat
ters without any dictation from their
spiritual guides, and Mr.. Dillon was
right in reprimanding the English
priests for their interference. They
have no English Catholics in parlia-
ment, and the Irish party, of which
Mr.. Dillon, is a leading member, at
tends to Catholic interests in the
United Kingdom.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

Prof. ]. c. Monaghan is receiving
considerable attention in the Catholic
press of the country. He certainly
deserves it. Prof. Monaghan was born
of Irish parents in Rhode Island and
when a boy worked in the cotton fac
tories. He attended night school, as
he was employed in the day time, and
afterwards went to Brown University,
where he graduated with honors. Dur
ing Cleveland's first administration he
was appointed consul to Germany and
attracted notice because of his valu-
able consular reports. He was ri
tanned by President Harrison in of-
flee, and after eight years service re-
signed and came back to the Unite d
States. He is fluent speaker, a Wig
orous writer, and has numerous adj
mirers all over the United States. Ha
speaks several languages and looks
more like Spaniard than an Irish
man or Yankee.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

451 on January list of this year. What
causes the discrepancy? The Cathc-
lie children are omitted in the gov
eminent census, for only communl-
cants are given as actual members,
While young and old who have re-
ceived baptism are recognized as MEM
bers in the Catholic directory. The
fact is that the figures in the Catho-
lie directory fall short to the extent
of three millions at the lowest esti-
mate. We are awaiting a more accur-
ate census of the Catholic population
from Archbishop Glennon, Of st. Louis,
who was appointed Il T. S. census Of
fetal, with salary, by President Roosc-
welt. His Grace Of the Mound CITY
is entitled to salaried assistants in
the work assigned to him.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04
MacauIay's Tribute.

The Salt Lake Herald, in a sympa-
thetic review of the Catholic church
in Utah, the day after the dedication
of the Cathedral, quoted sentence
from Macaulay's Essay on Vo7
Ranke's History of the Popes." Com
ing from Protestant pen at a time
when in Great Britain hostility to the
Catholic church was national viz
tue and sympathy with Rome treason
to the state, this wonderful tribute
from wonderful man has no parallel
in English literature. Here is, in its
entirety, the great essayist's personal
pronouncement on the unchanged bic
Catholic church.:
There is not and there never was
on earth, work of human policy so
well deserving of examination as the
Roman Catholic church. The history
of that church joins together the two
great ages of human civilization. No
other institution is left standing which
carries the mind back to the times
when the smoke of sacrifice rose from
the Pantheon, and when camelopards
and tigers bounded in the F1avian am
phitheatre. The proudest royal houses
are but of yesterday when compared
with the line of Supreme Pontiffs.
That line we trace back in an unbrok-
en- series from the Pope who crowned
Napoleon in the nineteenth century,
to the Pope who crowned Pepin in
the eighth: and far beyond the time
of Pepin the august dynasty extenos
till it Is lost in the twilight of fable.
The Republic Of Venice is gone, but
the Papacy remains. The Papacy re-
mains. not in decay. not mere an
tique, but full of life and youthful
vigor. The Catholic church is still
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The Irish Standard congratulates
John Casey on his appointment as
sheriff of Anoka county MIMI, to Till
the unexpired term of John Palmer
who recently resigned to become post
master AS the board Of county COM
missioners is composed Of Republicans
it Is a handsome compliment to M
Casey to receive their vote for the
office. The board can rest assured
that Sheriff Casey will discharge his
official duties faithfully and we'll.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

sending forth to the farthest ends OF
the world missionaries as Jealous az
those who landed in Kent with AL
gustine, and still confronting hostile
kings with the same spirit with which
she confronted Attila. The number Of
her children is greater than in any
former age.
Her acquisitions in the new world
have more than compensated for what
she has lost nthe old. Her spiritual
ascendancy extends over the vast
of the Missouri and Cape Horn, coun-
tries which, century hence, may not
imp obably contain a population as
large as that which inhabits Europe.
The members of her communion are
certainly not fewer than a hundred
and fifty millions: and it will be diff
cult to show that all other Christian
scots united amount to hundred and
twenty millions. Nor do we see any
'ASAA "iAANAA 4AAoISoICS IlloI SIlo ICA Ill Va
her long dominion is approaching. She
saw tie commencement of all the gov
ernm nts and all the ecclesiastical es-
Establishments that now exist IN che
world; and we feel no assurance that
she is not destined to see the end of
tiem ALL She was great and respected
before the Saxon had set foot Oh
Britain, before the Frank hae,> passed
the Rhine, when the Grecian eloquenco
still f1ourished at Antioch, when idols
were still worshiped in Mecca And
she may still exist in undiminisheti
vigor when some traveller from New
Zealand shall, in the midst of q vast
solitude, take his stand on a broken
arch of London bridge to sketch the
ruins of st. Paul's"
Again he writes:
-Four times since the authority OF
the Church of Rome was established
man intellect risen up against her yoke.
Twice that Church came forth COM
pletely victorious. Twice she camc
forth from the conflict bearing the
marks of cruel wounds, but ~it, the
principle Of life still strong within her.
When we reflect on the tremend ous
assaults she has survived, we find it
difficult to conceive in what way she
is to perish"
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The only thing Of Importance dis
cussed last week in the British house
Of commons was Birrelrs Irish land
bill. All the proposals in the bill were
carried by large majorities, but when
it reaches the lords it may be so
mutilated as to make it's acceptance
by the Irish party impossible. A Tory
member of the house declared that
the revenue contributed by Ireland
this year would be insufficient by over
s5,000,000 to meet the cost of purely
Irish services" What he meant was
purely English services. When Eng
lishmen are taxed to make up the de-
felt of government expenditures in
Ireland, they may be willing to let
Irishmen govern their own country.
The Home Rule bill will come up in
parliament after the next election, and
then it will be seen what prospect
there will be for Irish self-govera-
ment at the hands of the British leg
islature.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The friends Of Mr.. Justice McKenna,
of the Supreme Court of the United
States, deny that he is about to re-
sign on account of i'll health. Full
salary is given to retired members of
the court who have attained the age
of 20 and served ten years on The
bench, but he is only 66. He will be
apt to stick to his post for four years
more.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04
The Catholic Missions for Septem-

The Catholic Missions for Septem-
Der gives a thrilling account of the
Armenian massacres in Silesia. the
country Of st. Paul. Tarsus. Antioch
and all the neighboring places have
been overrun With fire and sword. bu.
Adana. the capital, suffered most II
contained $4,000 Inhabitants before the
Armenian Christians. In Adana alone
it is estimated that over $4,000 Ar
menians We're put to death by the
Turks. And the Christian powers
looked on unconcernedly!
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04
AN INDUSTRIAL REVIVAL

The friends of Ireland in this co,n-
try, and they are legion, will be graft
fled to learn on the authority of an
English tourist, who relates his ex.
perience on the front page of this is
sue, that he was unable to purchns.
for camping purposes any article of
British manufacture in the town of
Dungarvan, County Waterford. Every
thing he wanted to buy was homo
made. He was naturally astonished
and so will many of our readers who
have not kept posted on the revival OF
Irish industries in recent years. He
only visited one county in the south
of Ireland, and after his vain search
for supplies of British manufacture he
was forced to admit that the people
of that town and vicinity could thriv,
and prosper If England was buried
beneath the ocean. What an object
lesson to an Englishman in Ireland!
Those who are familiar with Ameri-
can history need not be told that tho
British parliament did everything pos
sble to discourage manufactures in
the thirteen original colonies, and that
! the colonists were reproached with
promoting and propagating WOODEN
England For colonists to manufac-
ture like Englishmen was esteemed an
audacity to be rebuked and restrict
ed by every device of law" says Ban
croft. The English parliament went
SO far as to declare that the printing
Of the English Bible in British Amer
lea was a piracy and not until after
the Revolution was copy of The
sacred volume published in this coun-
try.
England wanted to supply the col
ones with all the necessaries OF life
and prohibited trade with other ma
tons. Nicholson, the royal governor
of Virginia, advised that parliamen.
should forbid the people OF that COT
Ony to make their own cloth, and
matters went so far that the colonisls
refused TO trade with the mother coun-
try under any consideration. Englisl,
greed and setishness produced discon
tent in every colony, and the trade
laws were universally condemned
hninp in ,nrt1
was it in Ireland?
Unhappy Ireland had the disadvant
age OF being contiguous to England
while the American colonies were
thousands Of miles away. Irish manu-
features received staggering blow
during the reign Of King William
Enough to say that the wooden trade
was utterly destroyed. In 1641 more
than 10000 workmen were employed
in the manufacture Of frieze and fan
mel. and today there are less than
10000. At the request Of the British
was suppressed by the king and par
lament Of England. In 1920, Swift
told the Irish people to burn every
thing from England except the coal
and advocated the universal use OF
Irish manufactures in pamphlet
which had a wide circulation. The
printer Of the pamphlet was prose
cuted by the crown, but the jury
failed to agree, though sent out nine
times by the chief Justice to bring IN
a verdict of conviction.
J The Irish parliament at that time
was merely an annex Of the English
parliament. and it was not until Graf.
tan, backed by $4,000 armed men, OBJ.
tanned free trade and parliamentary
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

Bishop FalloWs, Of the Reformed
Episcopal church. believes in spirit
ualism with the fakes left out" AMI
says that in the days to come per-
sons will be able to converse with
the spirits of departed friends and
relatives. VIM. II. Stead declares tina I
he holds daily converse with the split
of his deceased son. According %
the Chicago bishop, the science *
communica ting with the dead will he
taught in educational institutions III
the years to come. Why not establish
chair of telepathy and psychic phe-
nomena in the Rockefeller university
and invite Mr.. Stead to fill it?
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

ing Off the shackles of royalty. Let
the English at home fight their own
battles. Canada is country of peace
and ought to remain so for its own
best interests,
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

While Walter Wcllman was fixing ur
has balloon to fly to the North Polr
DR.. Frederick A. Cooke, the Ameri-
can explorer, reached the long sought
goal more than year ago. or course,
Wellman and the Chicago Record
Herald will not believe it.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The Roscommon Herald says that
Mr.. Joseph Devln, M. P, is likely Z.
be the new chairman of the Irish
party. John e. Redmond has given
general satisfaction and ought to be
retained at the head of the party. Mr..
Devlin is clever man, but has not
been sufficiently tested in comparison
ter hang onto Redmond if he is will
ing to serve
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The name of Bishop ]. ]. Keane, IF
Cheyenne. W7yo., is mentioned for ti,a
coadjutorship of Dubuque. 1t is said
that he is the second choice OF tue
irremovable rectors, and that Bishop
John p. Carroll, of Helena, Mont, is
their first choice.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

What is the matter with Jacob +.
Jacobson? He does not like to have
the Minnesota congressman receive the
thanks of their constituents at pup
lie reception, and he hints they are
free traders because they voted against
the Payne Aldrich bill. Perhaps Jake
Is standpatter in disguise.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

Pauperism in England and Wales Is
to every 1000 population, according to
the latest returns. The able bodied
among them may join the army %
fight the terrible Germans when they
land in England from zeppelin's ai.-
ships.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

Fifty million stamps in two-cent
postage will be ready for circulation
the Hudson Fulton centenary. Sew
eral million two-cent stamps have
been issued for the exposition at Sc
attic. Postmaster General Hitchcock
seems to be up to the times.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The British Secretary of War is in
formed by military experts that in the
event of war the supplies of horses
would be hopelessly inadequate. Why
mot buy horses in the United States :
This country can furnish England with
@all the equines needed, as 1t furnishe 4
mules in the Anglo-Boer war.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

The Minnesota State Fair. which
promises to excel all past exhibitions
of the kind, held in this or any other
state of the Union, will begin next
Monday, September 6.
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

VIM. J. Bryan is enjoying prosperity
under the operation of the Payne tar
iff. 1t is reported that last Sunda y
at Chautauqua assembly in Illinois
he received $50 for his lecture. Tive
audience. no doubt, received full value
for their money
The Irish standard., 1909-09-04

al Roger c. Sullivan, the Democratic
Header of Illinois, arrives in New York
to-day from Europe, and his Chicago
ISfriends have sent delegation to well
scome him back. He is accompanied
n by John j. Hopkins, who has been
with him on his tour in the land OF
1.-THE midnight sun.