davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
HARD LUCK.

My next neghbor has goat has whskers its throat
and its built the comic weekly plan but my neghbo feeling
sor and he often makes roar never tries old tin
can And he also has its SHE'LL and fat and from
all the other toms stays aoof my negbor says he'll break
all its bones for its fake tries sing upon the roof
And be also has mule that has broken every rule which should
govern such hybrid anme has from its STALL kicked
its owner through the wall and doesn't have pec OF
guile When the mnce pie time ripe then neghbor puts up
pipe, and he wreses with the half day. and it adds
his despair that he thinks till the work has been
done and put away Now and then his mohern-law
visit with his squaw and she's apt hang around month
and it's only when she's gone that he cries so help ohn
Twas my duty to have shown her to the door,
Copyright b GerONn Adann) WALT MASON.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
The ..DayIlght sarinr,, scheme.

From the Boston Transcript.
A correspondent Of the New York Times
declares that the daylight saving
scheme is as old as China snd Korea, but
that It received IT'S death blow with the
invention of the modern clock. In old
times, when Japan took the wheel clock
idea from the Dutch traders. she altered
the dial so that the get-out-of- bed hour
should be set at a different place for
each month In the year. as the sun
changed its course The Orient Is now
buying American clocks and watches lit
orally by the ton, and this observer de-
clares that II Will not in consequence
monkey with the hands" The CORE
spondent might have added that the
cheaper and improved means Of nlumina-
ton the world over have had much 10 do
with giving fixity TO the schedule Of the
day as kept by the clock. The railroads
have played part, too. in making time
divisions something deserving OF respect.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Of the human race. It would be a daring
conjecture TO predict what surgeons Of
the future may spare as essential TO keep
together soul and body. It would be in
teresting to establish the ratio between
the capacities CT earning and of consum-
ing Of these revised editions Of the image
of divinity What the learned doctors
should do to round out their discovery is
a way Of blottlng out that historic edict
that man shall earn his bread In the
sweat Of his face.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
MUSIC FOR THE MULTITUDE.
The obJectOr Is Advised TO Give Vent
to Music OF HIS own.

to Music OF His own.
From the ST. Louis Star
In these days Of mechanical music. me
chanical whether produced by machinery
or personal exertion, il Is useless to call
IN the police TO quiet such as does not
soothe the ear OF any particular involun-
tary auditor. The planola, with it's con-
stant humping; the never ceasing phon-
ograDh, with It's infinite variety OF song.
march. and mOnOlOgue; the piano that
was tuned a few years ago; the mando-
lin. singly and IN clusters; the cornet and
the trombone, IN the throes OF rUdimen-
tary practice; the wailing and scraping
violin. which sounds so much like a mere
fiddle; the vocal solo by The man who
thinks he is singing the stein song. but
Is not certain, or the young lady Of the
house who IS cheering her mother az the
sink with a rendition Of Lonesome.
lonesome 70 say nothing about the
canary bird. the parrot. the cat, and the
dog-all have their place IN our com
munal life. They belong. IL IS useless
20 go 10 the police. Let the objector get
some sort Of music into his own soul
and let # out az any old hour Of the day
or night he pleases, and be happy like
the others.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
REGULATION AND PUBLICITY.
Why the Corporation Tax Is Essen
tiRl TO Public Welfare.

From The Philadelphia Pres.
When President Taft proposed the cor
poration tax Of . per cent on the ne,
Income OF corporations he launched the
policy OF his administration on the
ground swell OF a vast popular move
ment He put behind his special mes
sage the pressure Of great masses Of
the people.
This IS passing this tax IN the face
OF seething opposition in Congress and
clamorous protest from corporate
wealth. Nobody likes 70 be taxed. cor
porate wealth least OF ALL No corpora
tion wants 20 be forced into publicity.
No one Of the great trusts wants 10 be
required 20 file sworn statements Of It's
business and profits. false figures ln
which would bring its officers 10 jail.
Few Congressman want these things
But President Taft was elected be-
cause the people believed that ne would
make efficient and render effective the
reforms which President Roosevelt had
urged. Chief among these reforms was
the Federal regulation OF corporations
and publicity for their business.
The corporation tax IS about 20 be-
come a law because Il viii give both
Federal regulation and publicity.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The next time the Republicans OF the
House tackle the Democrats in a baseball
game. they should insist on playing under
a set OF rules framed up by Uncle Joe"
Uncle Joe" might prescribe some rank
regulations. but we opine the G.. o. p.
would have the pennant cinched at the
end of the game, nevertheless.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
MONDAY. july 70, 1909.
LET YOUR PAPER FOLLOW YOU,

The Washington Herald will be
mailed upon request TO subscribers
leaving the city during the summer
months. Change Of address will be
made as frequently as desired: no.
tices OF such change should give
both the old and new address.
Notify your carrier or newsdealer
or telephone direct 10 The Wash
ington Herald, 734 18th st. NV. The
subscription rate Is the same out
OF town as In the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Must Wenr Clothes

From the Detroit News
Aldrich knows the people simply must
wear clothes-sO he makes them pay
500, 10000 a year more for their clothes.
These are the same tactics Patten en-
ployed when he argued that the people
musf have bread.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The American Society Of Chemical Re
search IS fairly safe, we think, in assum-
ing that ''the cheaper cuts OF meats are
frequently as nourlshing as the more ex-
pensive cuts" The cheaper cuts, how
ever. are even as mythical" as the con-
sumer If not more so.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From the Atlanta Journal
The MarQuise de la Rochebryan says
she has twenty-nine titles she would be
willing TO convert into cash. This sounds
reasonable enough. and would be easy, 4
she were a man and her customers some
American girls.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

"Mr Taft put his foot down." says a
contemporary, anent the Presidents re-
cent tariff utterances. He does not ap-
pear to have stepped on anybody's par
ticular pet corn, however. That is, not
TO hurt excessively.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The Chattanooga Times sees great
prosperity coming" We are not the
least bit pessimistic. but somehow that
reminds US OF a calendar hanging in our
office. On this calendar is pictured a
very handsome street car coming down
January l.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Poetry Crop AHected br RnIn.

From tho indianapolis News
Careful investigation has shown that
the decrease in the output of Indiana
poetry this summer is entirely due 10
the heavy rains which mako the weeds
grow so fast the poets are kept busy In
the onion patch nearly all the time.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From the Kansas City Times.
How pathetic 1t would be II. after Con-
gress has given the sugar trust all that
II wanted, and cen more, the trust Of
ficials are unable 60 keep out Of prison 10
enjoy the vast tariff beneficence.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Certain things are to go out OF the tariff
bill in conference that Mr.. Aldrich in
sisted should go in IN the Senate, so the
story goes. And Mr.. Aldrich-wel Mr.
Aldrich has a smile that is childlike and
bland. at times.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

A Democratic tariff conferee TO the
body polite appears 10 be OF even less inn
portance than the vermiform appendix TO
the human body. The latter, while physi-
cally useless. may. at least. become ex-
-cessively annoving az tines
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
The Fly and the Mosquito.

From the Indianapolis News.
Have you noticed anv particular dimiuution Of the
house fys-Memphis Conmercial-Appea'.
Not Of the one who thinks he has a
date with US about 4:SO o'clock every
morning
Flies have been fewer this summer than for many
years They must have heard those warnings from
the scientists and have taken 10 the woodA-BOstol
Globe
Possibly; but they left behind a fairly
competent army OF occupation.
IN spite Of all the magazines can DO, there are
still two or three flies here and there.-Ceveland
Leader.
What! There. too?
AS a remedy for the attacks OF the
house fly and the mosquito the Depart
ment Of Agriculture recommends a mix
ture of oil Of cedar, oil of citronelle, and
oil Of camphor, placed upon a rag and
laid across the face The Lafayette
Courier, speaking from experience, says
that the smell OF the preventive IS
worse than the bite OF the insect, and Il
! asserts that there is really nothing bet
ter than the old household remedy
Swat EN-" Whenever the swat EN-
remedy IS successfully applied a recur-
rent attack by the same insect is effectu-
| ally barred.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

We admire the evidence OF a certain
quality Of common sense displayed by the
down-and-out Shah, anyway. He declined
TO receive delegation that wanted 20
notify him officially that he is no longer
Shah. He sent word that he already
knew IT,
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From the Cleveland Leader.
'IIs lives in a tiny island. but rules over
wide domain" begins a poem in n cur
rent magazine. we don't know whether
II refers 10 King Edward or Senator AID
rich
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Picking Peter Piper's Pockets.

From Life
If Peter Piper picked pile OF peoples
pockets, then where's the pile OF people
whose pockets Peter Piper picked?
You'll find EN- mostly IN the G. O. P.
for only as they stand stanchly by the
principle Of protection can be preserved
that sacred tarin in virtue Of which Peter
Piper is provided with pockets from which
TO pick his pile
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Not Union suitS.

From the indianapolis News.
Nope. you're wrong. Those new frocks
the girls are wearing nowadays, which
are all one piece from neck TO hem, are
not technically known as union suits
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Among the Common people.

From the Kansas City Star.
New copper pennies with the profile Of
Lincoln are being coined in the Phila-
delphia mint. Thus VIII the portrait Of
the martyred President be circulated
among the class Of people whom he best
loved
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

King Edward recently thanked a Blr-
mingham bandmaster for playing Put
Me Among the Girls" for HIS majesty's s
benefit. The King has not progressed be-
yond the age where he is able 10 ap-
preciate a good joke. apparently.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

What shall we do with our million
aires?' inquiries Hampton's Magazine. It
would be even more interesting to know
what our millionaires intend doing
with US
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Mr.. Brynn's Opportunity.

From the Kansas City Star
When both parties, as represented IN Congress.
have violated their pledges. 20 the grieyous disep-
pointment Of both Republicans and Democrats in
the ranks. Mr.. Bryan is SAYING but little about this
betrayal
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

sure which Thomas the Globe means. but
Thomas W. certainly has one marked ad-
vantage over Thomas J.-Thomas w. Is
alive and kicking
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The child-wife Of an Englishman seven
ty-hve years old has summoned him 20
court on the ground that he is quite IN
manageable. He is wealthy, and also en-
joys an old-age pension. This pension he
persists in spending on oysters An sd-
miring observer describes him as sitting
down 70 his hebdomadal dozen Of natives
Cat four-aCd-siD. with a pint of stout
0ourpence). which would leave a gener-
Gus twopence for the waiter. and devoutly
drinking the health OF the chancellor OF
the excheQuer. and confusion 10 the op-
pouentS of pnilanthTOpic finance" This
seems quite modest. bearing in mind that
oysters cost more I'm England than they
do here in his defense, he contrasted
his way Of living with the treatment OF
the inmates Of the local workhOuse. where
the food was so unattractive that nearly
all the ablebOdied inmates have actually
gone % work for themselves. Some OF
them complained bitterly because the pO-
tatoes at dinner were served IN their
jackets. This Oyster-eating BritiSher
should remove 20 the United States. where
the blvalves are cheaper and better.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From the Chicago Record Herald
Mr.. Cane. our new diplomatic representative in
China, is man Of affairs well as Of broad cul-
turo. exceptional interests and experience in inter
national concerns, great public spirit. and unique
social gifts.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

oh. no! Town named Rockefeller"
wants to change its name. VINO said
Senator 'Jeff' Davis assaults on the
octopus never would produce any results
worth while?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Her Mistake.

Formerly when had played cards or
done wrong. used TO tell my wife. But
had 10 quit Il"
''Why?"
"she kept raising the price Of forgive
ness"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
A Mean NInn

why can't have a new gown to dis
play?"
Because I can't afford Il. Learn a
new word out OF the dictionary. and show
Off with that"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The State of New Jersey was wise.
perhaps. when II took advantage Of Mr.
Roosevelts conspicuous absence TO spring
its proposition 70 tax baby carriages.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Can Mr.. Tom Watson tell US. however,
whether Mr.. Hoke Smith ever read Para
disc Lost?''
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Down in Georgia nowadays they say the
visitor without a suit case IS not cordially
permitted to get off anywhere.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Young man. Go West and irrigate. ."
advises the Chicago Post. Il would be
superfuous to advise him not to go South
for that purpose, probably.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Rich Yachtsmnn and The barometer

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The rich man was enjoying his first
cruise on his new yacht.
Suddenly the captain came aft. He
looked anxious
What's the good word. captain?' the
owner asked.
The barometer IS falling rapidly" the
skipper nervOusiy answered
You must have hung Il on a loose
nail" the owner pleasantly suggested.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Could the Republicans in Congress ever
hope to defeat the Democrats az base
ball. however, without a little Democratic
help on the side?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The ex-Shah Of Persia had hfty-nine
separate kingly titles, which makes his
present situation even more grimly anus
ing
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The New York Globe OF recent date
winds up an article concerning Thomas
z. Watson and Thomas Jefferson with
the words. Poor Thomas" We are not
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Gns I'm IndInnnpoIis.

The people OF Indianapolis are getting
gas for 60 cents a thousand feet The
gas company has been denied by the
Circuit Court an injunction delaying the
operation OF the law fixing that rate.
The rate has been 90 cents a thousand.
In applying for an injunction the COM
pany offered 10 make a rate 20 consumers
OF 30 cents for the first 1000 feet used IN
a month, Of 70 cents for the second, and
OF 60 cents for all consumed over the
second thousand But the court declared
that this proposition would be unfair 10
small consumers. The company claimed
that II cost on cents a thousand feet
last year 10 make and deliver its product.
and that the cost would increase this
year. II was urged that the law fixing
the price NJ 60 cents was conhscato tory.
An opposition company has been charg-
ing 50 cents. The Philadelphia Record
remarks OF this decision: LAS the cost
/ OF making gas IS developed from time 70
/ time IN various parts OF the country. as
a consequence of attempted statutory
I regulation OF price or through judicial
( inquiry consequent upon litigation. Il Is
made very clear that gas consumers. as
a rule are the victims Of eXtortion. New
/ processes have wonderfully cheapened the
I cost Of production. but prices have not
/ been pToportionally reduced except IN
rare instances"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
A Matter of Choice.

From the indianapolis News
Some people. during their vacation, pre-
fer the beauties Of nature. but others &c
@ the seashOre.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Harry Thaw' II appears. and. perhaps.
the other Thaws. have not lived too long
70 learn the truth Of the old saying about
that place which hath no fury like a
woman sCOTned.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Mr.. Walter Wellman probably will ar
rive at the north pole In time TO advo-
cate a safe and sane Christmas,
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Another might rider has been convict
ed Of murder down in Tennessee. The
juries Of Tennessee do not seem TO be
90 'fraid cats" more strength and honor
to them
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From 25 cents q box under Mckinley
TO SL20 a box under Taft-how would
that be for lemons?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

An Indiana man has invented corn
husking machine. What happens when
Il strikes a red ear?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Furnishing a mansion Is largely a mat
ter Of taste; still, II may be done without
any.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Deep breathing makes some evils ny,
Deserves its dues
But isn't very good to try
For pinching shoes.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

From the Boston TansCipt
leslie N. Shaw has been Tindica,ed. As secre-
tary of the Treasury he never believed IN paying
any part Of the expenses of the Panama Canal out
Of current revenues
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
A LITTLE NONSENSE.


so WHAT'S THE USEf
Upon my way
I calmly go
And never say:
Il told you So"
The ones you hit
Clamp down the lid
And won't admit
They know you did.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
The Presidents characteristics.

From the Philadelphia Pres.
Revision downward and downward revision
where no injury would BE- wrought" two radically
different propositions. Trust that able and amiable
gentleman al Washington. him of the sunny smile
and chatting manner. 10 distinguish between q con
dition and theory
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

BY the bye. how about the sugar sched-
ule. Mr.. President?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
So II Goes.

Tradition sOftens everything"
That's right. We praise the tortoise
who beat the hare; but, were 1t TO hap
pen to-day. we'd all vow that somebody
had fixed that Marathon"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
De. Tnft,. FnrerIrht.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
SIR. Taft may he new in politics but he Is
handling this particular situation with grest deal
Of foresight and discretion.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

"Aldrich never laughs when discussing
the tariff says a magazine writer He
does, too but In his sleeve, we think.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
The Tempter.

Yes. sir, belong to do army Of de un-
employed"
Want n weeks WorlS7"
mo; l couldn't desert from de army
Then just pretend you're on fur
lough."
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Petrol butter," Ugh! What sort Of
Standard on cheese do you suppose that
fOreshadows?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
ADDRESSED TO STATESMEN.

Mr.. PenrOse, RefOrwer.
From the New York Evening Post
The Philadelphia ampaign starts OF nobly under
the motto of Penrose and reform,
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
For Happy sundays.

A preacher at Beverly. Mass. Rev. Paul
II. Duke, OF the Universalist Church. ad-
vocates substituting the happy Sunday
for that of Puritanic gloom. He declares
that sunday is the safety valve OF the
work-a-day world, and that after attend
ing services az some church in the morn
ing people should read, or play outdoor
games, or go 70 places Of clean recrea-
ton. In his view, 20 make Sunday sad
Is TO encourage despair and invite an
archy as a revolt against social condi-
ton of intolerabie monopoly. He denies
that there is any explicit divine command
as TO the method OF spending Sunday,
which he pronounces a day 10 be used at
the discretion Of the individual subject
70 the welfare OF the State as expressed
by law. lie thinks baseball on Sunday
quite proper. The great purpose of the
day Is recreation, the forgetting OF daily
toll. the enjoyment OF life. He advocates
paying more moral attention 10 week
days. when one should never do what one
would refrain from doing on Sundays
But this preacher insists NEST stronglr
that Sunday should be free from money
getting. which is where he would conflict
with the notions Of those who conduct
pleasure resorts for profit.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Parting I'm High LIE.
Expands One.

He loved, we guess, but he drifted
away; she had 10 dress four times a day.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Mr.. Beveridge Against Extortion.

From the Norfolk Landmark
senator Bevefdse says be believes that the Ameri-
can people for protection but against exIortion
and that is what believe of them ourselves
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

Teheran and so did the Shah. what
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
AND THINGS
Advice TO Law students.

AuNtce 10 Law ShuNtnla.
The mobile profession" Of the law Is
absorbing into it's ranks. this summer.
many young men whose ears may still
ring with the echoes OF the advice Of
baccalaureate addresses. Much OF the
advice. 1t may be recalled was this year
of an extremely practical nature
but It reflected the growing appre-
citation OF the dangers Of legal triczery
and chicane The students poring over
Blackstone and Coke and learning the
technicalities of actual procedure may
reflect upon such wise words as these.
quoted from recent addresses TO gradu-
ating classes in law schools: THE law
Is regarded by lawyers too much as a
business proposition" "in politics. law
yer's fees have come 10 cover a multi
tude of sins" there is not a business
enterprise conducted In violation of law
that has not had the services Of a law
I yer. skilled In the art OF evasion and OF
nondisclosure. mo lawyer has the right
70 advise an individual how 10 violate
the law" and ''he who does so is as
much OF an offender as the persons or
corporations whom he serves
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19

The tsetse fly, hitherto known as the
chief distributor Of the sleeping sick
ness in Africa, and of whose dangers Mr.
Roosevelt was warned. has been acquitted
Of that charge. Investigation reveals
that the tsetse carries the germs Of that
disease, much as the house fly carries
the germs OF typhoid fever. but. after ell.
he is only the distributing agent IL
appears that the germ has itself the
power OF lOcOmOtion. II does not need
to be carried 10 the possible victim. but
can make It's own way thlther. il Is a
distinct advance 10 have identified the
germ II now It's exterminating enemy
can be discovered. there will be an added
impulse 10 the enlightening Of the true
Dark Continent
The Washington herald., 1909-07-19
Advertising Farm Products.


Advertising may seem a novel adjunct
to agriculture. but the farmers Of Cali
fOrnia have learned the fact that It pays.
The association Of fruit growers Of that
State has committee on advertising
which Is spending for that purpose $4,000
this year, as against $25. 900 last year and
5000 two years ago. That rapid in
crease Of appropriations shows keen busi-
ness enterprise. 1t is pointed out that
in one center. Sioux City. This advertising
resulted in doubling the number OF cars
of California fruit consumed IN one
year Florida fruit growers are about
20 begin a similar campaign, and Ha-
waiian producers are planning 70 ad-
vertise extensively In the United States.
The next ster may be to advertise a
States outp, OF corn, wheat alfalfa,
cattle, and hogs. Indeed, this Is already
attempted in Kansas. through the dis
tribution OF bulletins issued by the state
secretary OF agriculture.