davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
That Settled It.

The Commissioners in Lunacy were
n%onplused. The man on whose men
tai condition the courts had appointed
them to pass seemed perfectly sane,
in spite of all testimony to the con-
trary. His every action, his every re-
mark was rational. They were about
to give up in despair when matters
took an unexpected turn. "Oh, doc
tor, permit me to return the umbrella
1 borrowed from you last week." said
the patient.
And then, at the thought of earn
ing their fees with no qualms of con-
science, the learned men decided that
any one who would voluntarily return
a borrowed umbrella should be placed
under restraint.
This simply shows how trifes will
ever mold our destinies.-New York
Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
The Limit of LaZineSS.

DR.. Charles A. Eaton, Of the Madi-
son Avenue Baptist Church, said in
the course of a brilliant after-dinner
speech in Cleveland.
"Laziness is responsible for too
much of the misery we see about us.
1t is all very well to blame alcohol for
this misery, to blame oppression and
injustice, but to what heights might
we not all have climbed but for our
laziness?" ed
He paused and smiled.
I'VE are too much like the super
pume-ary in the DRAMA" he went on,
who had to enter from the right and
say, MY lord, the carriage waits
look here, SUPER said the stage
manager one night, I want you to
come on from the left instead of the
right after this, and I want you to
transpose your speech. Make it run
hereafter, The carriage waits, my
lord
1.-The super pressed his hand to his
Draw.
More study! More study he
groaned."-Cleveland Leader.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
A OF SOME PINS.
The Disappearance Of at Least a rev
Thousands Accounted For.

tits an old question, what becomes
of all the pins and I wouldn't under
take to tell what becomes of all OF
them; but" said a young woman
who had just had her new spring
coat fitted, "but I can tell you what
becomes of some of them.
1.-The filter uses many pins in PIN
ming up seams. She may carry about
with her a big cushion stuck full OF
pins, handy to get at, or she may have
a paper of pins hanging down from
her belt; and when she fits she finds
use for many pins.
"She pins and pins and pins, and
sometimes in reaching for a pin or
in pinning or in taking pins out she
drops one of them. She doesn't stop
to pick that pin up, for that would
be a waste of time and effort; she
simply lets that pin lie where it fell
and reaches to her cushion or the
paper of pins that she. carries for an
other; and so in the course of a day
the floor of a fitting room gets lit
tered with pins.
"Then does somebody at the end OF
the day when they straighten things
out pick up these pins and save them?
No. 1t wouldn't pay. 1t would take
time to pick them up, and time, labor,
costs money. 1t is cheaper to buy
new pins than it would be to pick and
save these pins that have been
dropped.
$50 these dropped pins are not
picked up, they are simply swept out
with the rest of the litter, and that
is the last of them. There must be
hundreds of fitting rooms in New
York and they would account for the
disappearance of at least a few thou
sands of pins daily. New York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

S@@E9ESk&

put me off at Twenty-third street,
conductor" I'D much rather you
get quietly off yourself Life.
Poetry is the art of putting words
together in such a way as to give
them their least possible commercial
value.-Puck. /"
How far. back can you trace your
ancestry?"> II haven't got time to
try. It's all I can do to keep track
Of my posterity. Cleveland Leader.
"Were you ever surrounded by
wolves?" "No; but I used to open
the dining-room doors at a summer
hotel."-Louisville .Courier-Journal.
She couldn't walk, she couldn't talk,
She couldn't breathe, or smile,
She looked a fright-she was bedight
All in the latest style.
Fisherman (time 10 a. m.)-"WM
you have a dram?" Highland Shep-
herd preparing to take it)-"Aw,
it's far over early. Besides, I have
had yin. Punch.
The World-"Want a job, Ell?
What's your recommendation" Ora
duate - "My A. B." The World
''Sit right down, and I'll teach you
the rest of the alphabet. Life.
Nell-"She's a very strong swim
mer. I wonder if she yer saved
a~nybody's life" Belle-"Well, Chol7
lie Saphedde said he couldn't live
without her, and she has promised to
marry him."-Philadelphia Record.
The wise old rat looked at the trap,
And a knowing smile smiled he.
HThe wireless side I will take" he said,
"For the others c. Q. d."
Baltimore American.
Professor Sallow-"I wish to mar
ry your daughter, sir. I have a chair
in Johns Hopkins" Parent-"And I
suppose. you will look to m for the
rest of the furniture. No, sir; you
can't have her until you can furnish
a fat."-Puck. 49,.
What is literature?" said the per-
son who tries to start arguments.
Literature" answered the man at
the typewriter, sis something to put
around advertisements so that they
can be more effectively displayed."-
Washington Star.
Thirsty Passenger - "How much
longer have I got to wait for that
cocktail I ordered?" Dining Car
Waiter docking out of the win
dow)-"About a mile and a half
longer, sir. This is a dry county,
and there's a spotter on board
Chicago Tribune.
Angry Patron-'That's the third
time you've given me the wrong num-
Der. You must have what they call
the telephone ear" Girl in Central
Object beg your pardon, sir, but
that isn't the trouble. You have
what we call the cornmeal mush
voice. "-Chicago Tribune.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

the child, said that the circus busi-
ness wasn't any place for a nursery,
SO night after night he plodded out,
| doing his best to be funny when his
heart was breaking. There came a
day at last when she lay through
hours and hours moaning with eyes
closed. Bob hung about her as long
as he could, holding her hands in his
and smoothing her pretty hair, and
when at last he got ready for the
performance he was so slow that the
manager had to come and look him
up.
And look here" I heard him say,
eff you don't make good tonight you
get through Tomorrow"
Bob came over to the bed and
kissed the child and gently drew her
arms about his neck. When he got
up his eyes were wet.
Father wouldn't leave o if he
could help it," he said. And all
the time he's in the ring he'll be
thinking of his girl''-
bob, you cant do it," I said to
him. They're waiting for you out
there and you'll have to give them
what they want. Do the best you
can"
He went out almost without look
ing at me, but he must have thought
of what I said. It must have come
to him that If he had to move on to-
morrow there'd be no money and no
shelter for her and he must have
tried. I heard them laughing and
shouting. BY and by I went out for
my act and left Gay alone.
Later when we went back to the
tent we found the little moan stilled.
Bob thought she was asleep and
spoke her pitiful little name, but she
did not answer. As I looked from
her quiet face to Bob's I saw no
tears. He was instead smiling the
painted smile which he had worn
during the evening. I knew then
that Bob suffered all that he could
ever suffer, and that henceforth
there was nothing to hinder his be-
ing as endlessly funny as even the
public required him to be. There
would be no more sorrow to inter
fere, no more softness Of heart, no
more youth and no more affection.
And there has not been, for those
things made up the price he paid
Boston Post.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
"Leg O'Mutton" Dress Sleeves.

The "leg o'mutton" sleeve, or the
one that is slightly full at the shout
der and close fitting at the wrist. is
the very latest thing that has ap-
peared, and these models will be
found equally well adapted to new
material and to the remaking Of
gowns which already have seer SER
vice. AS the warm weather ap-
proaches three-quarter sleeves are
much in demand and will be extern
sively worn, and that length, as well
as the full one, is provided. The box
pleated sleeves are somewhat fancy
in effect, and fancy sleeves are being
much used just now, but the plain
ones are always in good style and al
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Mathematics.
BY RAMSEY BENSON.

In a cruder generation the study Of
mathematics doubtless brought about
a certain enlargement of the mind,
but their unyielding precision rem
ders them unfit for the courses OF
modern schools, where broad effects
are aimed at.
For instance, mathematics tend to
possess a child with the notion that
two and two make four, regardless
of the social, political OF financial
standing of the parties concerned;
this only burdens him with more
troublesome illusions, to be shaken
off by hard experience.
Better those humanities which
Though it should be in virtue Of their
complete ~irrelevancy to the life Of
to-day create no awkward preju-
dices.-Life.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
SOME EXPERIMENTS.

a CRATER 7 would like to be,
But not the kind you mean.
I'd like to try experiments
For that kind Of work I'm keen.
I'd really like to try my hand
To see what I could do,
And what queer things l could evolve.
Now, really, wouldn't you!
I'd like to cross a moody COW,
To realize a dream,
With something that would make her give
A quart of nice ice-cream.
I'd like to cross a %race.horse
With an ostrich, don't you see?
So that he could run faster;
Then I'd win a bet maybe.
I'd like to cross a lion with
A big watch dog l own,
And have him hang around the house
When 1 am home alone.
Now if you cross a cabbage with
Some apples, then, no doubt,
You'll be sure to gather in next fall
A crop of sauerkraut.
If you take a sweet potato,
And q green pea, if you please,
And cross them, will the answer be
A crop of nice sweet peas!
Then I would turn my hand to fruit,
If I had the time to spare.
II you cross a lemon with a peach,
Now would that make a pear?
II YOU take a bunch of nice sweet corn
Your palate now III tickle
And cross them with a cucumber,
Will you get a nice sweet pickle?
But, best of all, I'd like to cross.
My pitiful amount
Of salary, with some magic wand,
And produce a bank account.
F. X. Mooney.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
THE o VI AT THE TUB.

From east to west their praises ring
The stalwarts with the hoe,
The sturdy man behind the pillow,
Who till the earth and SOW.
What would they do, these toil-spent men
Who pillow and plant and grub,
Without the patient, plodding hand
The woman at the tub?
The soldiers fame, through every age
The sweetest bards have sung.
In trumpet tones, their daring deeds
From sea to sea have rung.
In minor note, with clarion horn,
You hear the gentle rub"
That makes him neat for dress parade
The woman at the tub!
Honor the stalwart with the hoe,
The patriot at the gun,
With laurels deck tie noble brow
For victories well won;
But if you've more bouquets to throw,
Deem it not poor or mean
To toss a few to that poor soul.
Who keeps the whole world clean.
&C. L. S~palding, in American Motherhood.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Philippine Pigs.

Army officers partaking of Filipino
meals should know that the natives
make great preparations for the kill
ing of a pig. When the owners are
ready to kill, the pig is taken upstairs
into the kitchen, where it lives lux
uriously on boiled rice, is bathed
every day and prepared for slaughter
like a sacrificial victim. IF you are
personally acquainted with a pig OF
this sort and know the day set for its
decease," says one writer, "you may
send your servant out to buy fresh
pork, otherwise you had better stick
to chicken and fish" This advice is
given because of the tendency of the
native to turn his "rooters" into scav-
engers.-Army and Navy Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Prosperity FIXED him.

GAS long ,ez I wuz POI" said
Brother Williams, "I wuz humble
enough ter be thankful fer what I
wuz bout ter receive; but one day
I found $40 in de big road, and after
dat I went bout holdin' my head so
high dat I couldn't see what wuz
befo' me, an I felled in a dry well,
an staid dar three days, hollerin' fer
folks ter pull me out. Satan hissef
wuz once a angel in heaven, but he
couldn't stan prosperity, an look
whar he is now!"-Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
MAKING SUNSHINE
It Is Often Found in Pure Food.

The improper selection Of food
drives many a healthy person into
the depths of despairing illness. In
deed, most sickness comes from
wrong food, and just so surely as
that is the case, right food will make
the sun shine once more.
An old veteran of Newburyport,
Mass, says: IN October, I was
taken sick and went to bed, losing At
pounds in about 60 days. I had doc
tor after doctor, food hurt me and I
had to live almost entirely on mag
nesia and soda. All solid food dis
tressed me so that water would run
out of my mouth in little streams.
II had terrible night sweats and
my doctor finally said I had consump-
ton and must die. My good wife
gave up all hope. We were at Old
Orchard, Me-, at that time, and my
wife saw Grape-Nuts in a grocery
there. She bought some and per-
suaded me to try it.
II had no faith in it, but took it to
please her. To my surprise 1t did not
distress me, as all other food had
done, and before 1 had taken the fifth
package I was we'll on the mend. The
pains left my head, my mind became
clearer and I gained weight rapidly.
Il went back to my work again
and now after six weeks use of the
lood I am better and stronger than
ever before in my life. Grape-Nuts
surely saved my life and made me a
strong, hearty man, Is pounds heav-
Ter than before I was taken sick.
Both my good wife and l are will
ing to make affidavit to the truth OF
this"
Read THE Road to MELVILLE" IN
pkgs. There's a Reason"
Ever read the above letter? A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of human
interest.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
A Chance For All.

There was little doubt in the minds
of those who were invited to the we'd
ding of Augustus Clay Johnson and
Chloe Matilda Baker as to the cordial
tty Of the invitation. It was clearly
printed, and read as follows:
"Yon are invited to attend the mar
rage Of Mr.. Augustus Clay Johnson
and Miss Chloe Matilda Baker at the
house of the brides mother. All who
cannot come may sendH - Youths
Companion. ri.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Craze For Feathers.

Can the craze-and the prices, too
possibly soar any higher for the
novelty feathers than they now are?
The undressed ostrich, the cog, goura,
cassoway and. paradise are at the top
notch of popularity and almost fab
ulous prices are paid for them.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Tommy'S Manners.

They yer at. dinner, and the dain-
ties were on the table.
Twill you take tart or pudding?"
asked papa of Tommy.
Tart" said Tommy, promptly.
His father sighed as he recalled the
many lessons on manners he had CIV
en- the boy.
But Tommy's eyes were glued on
the pastry.
TART, WHAT" was asked, sharply
this time.
Tart, first" answered Tommy,
Observation-Disclosures.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
A Demand For a Specialist.

"I suppose that latest expedition
to the South Pole took a doctor??"
"Of course
Gust an ordinary doctor?"
why, I suppose So
"That was a mistake. Didn't you
notice they were taken Ill after eat
ing one of the ponies?"
"Well?"
"Tken the~ needed a horse doctor"
cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

ways correct. Both models are
adapted to all seasonable materials.
In the illustration the box pleated
sleeve Is trimmed with fancy and
plain banding and the plain sleeve Is
embroidered and trimmed with lace
insertion and edging.
Both the box pleated and the plain
sleeve are cut in one piece each and
are gathered at their upper edges.
They can be made pointed or plain
when cut in full length and can be
trimmed in any way which may suit
the fancy.
The quantity Of material required
for either sleeve is n and one-half
yards twenty-one, twenty-four or
%thirty-two or three-fourth yard forty
four inches wide with three-fourth
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
More Stripes.

The return of stripes in the choic-
est fabrics prepared for winter was a
surprise to many who had looked for
a reign of plain materials after the
long use of checked, plaided and
striped ones. Even the broadcloths
are outcrossed by lines or checks Of
plaids.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

says: Il had such terrible pains
through my back and kidneys that I
could not turn over in bed. I was
threatened with Bright's disease, and
at the worst stage began taking
Doan's Kidney Pills. They cured my
trouble, and doctors who have since
examined me say my kidneys are all
right"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

times out of ten 1t Is
due to sick kidneys.
The only way to find
relief Is to cure the
kidneys. Doan's Kid
ney Pills have given
strong backs
to thousands of men
and women. Mrs.
James Cooper, 11S
w. German St.,
Winchester, Va,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Shock to Some.

Explorers are of the opinion that
the South Pole is located on a high
plateau. This will naturally come as
a shock to people who have been Ia
boring under the impression that IT
was deposited in a hole in the ground
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Knew of One.

Traveller delayed in Drearyhurst
by washout)-"Are there any objects
Of curiosity in this village?"
Uncle Welby Gosh-"Well, I reck-
on I've got as much curiosity as any
objick you'll find. Where are you
goin', mister, and what do you foller
fur a livin'?"-Chicago Tribune.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Newest Colors.

Jap blue.
China blue.
Sevres blue.
Cyclamen pink.
Lovely moselle.
Horse-chestnut pink.
Plain brule-burnt bread.
Groselle (Which means goose
berry,.
Earth of Egypt, described as a
hearthstone tone.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Forthe Kidneys
and Liver
Or. Kennedy'sFavorIte Remedy

Is the best and surest
medicine for all diseases
Of the Kidneys and Ldy-
er; rheumatism, dyB-
pepsia and chronic con.
sttpation. Stops pafnin
back, 6calding4nd burn
ing urine headache,Rch
ing eyes, s~wousnankle9
sour taste IN mouth,
coated tongue; clears
up urine and banishes
many other symptoms
Of Kidney, LIVER and
Bladder troubles
&c. WILCOX. ReNew
BritainAve., Hartford
Conn, says: n had
frightful pain in back.
Doctors seemed pow
erless. I tried d..
David Kennedy's
Favorite Remedy. Il
Scured me completely
Large bottles, AM
all druggists.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Black is fashionable.

The black" note which has been
sending it's echoes over the Atlantic
from the strongholds of fashion at
Paris prevails strongly in the smarter
semi-tailor mades.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Fruits Popular.

Fruits are becoming as popular as
flowers, and the vogue of the grape Is
noticeable also.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Traupe or Bronze.

The newest shade of taupe Is lik-
ened to dull bronze. 1t is certainly
very beautiful and never fails to
make up richly.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

A Dutch newspaper c~ontroverts the
prevailing notion that a sandy soff is
essential to the cultivation Of bulbs.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
Something Fancy.

Waiter-"Table d'hote, sir?"
Uncle Cy-"What's a tabledote?'
Waiter-"Course dinner, sir"
Uncle Cy-"Nit fur me. | git all
the coarse grub I need to home, and
when I git to town I want somethin' a
bit fancy. "-JCdge,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

Louisiana has 1900, 900 acres Of
marsh lands which, IL properly treat
ed, would exhibit great fertility.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30
BURDENS LIFTED FROM BENT
BACKS.

A bad back is a heavy handicap to
those of us who work every day. Nine
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

Recent successes in the art Of Sky
sailing have stimulated the toy de-
signers, and already there are a num-
Der of fying-machine toys to amuse
the children.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

yard of banding one and three-fourtb
inches wide, and one-half yards
three-eighth inch wide for the box
pleated sleeves; one and one-fourth
yards of insertion, two and one-fourth
yards of edging for the plain sleeveA
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-06-30

I want every chronic rheumatic to throw
away all medicines, oil linlments, all
plasters, and give MUNYON'S RHECMA:
your doctor may say, no matter what
your friends may say, no matter how
prejudiced you may be against all adver-
tised remedies, 60 at once to your drug
TISM REMEDY. II 1t falls to give salts
2action,I will refund your money.-Munyon
Remember this remedy contains no sal
icylic acid. no opium cocaine. morphine or
the guarantee Of the Pure Food and Drug
Act.
For sale by all druggists. Price. 25c.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-04-05
RUSSIA WILL TRY AGAIN.

doubeakng the Siberian railway to arbn
of the intelligent
conclusions with Japan
believes indicated by the large 1t has
afoa the peace
and dockya have been tremendously
and
IIbso have thought that Japan
conclusion this journal for
looking but
herself the guiding Eastern Asia and to be
ground
he Of
the of JAPAN than whom there more
saaeou pubsts anywhere afford
frscas She is
quantity her has lost prestige
would like the
of the Balkan affair."
in things she
populations
their portable wealth her would
the national debt
that her failure
the Siberian
million
the
military
with her actual
should succeed That she will
of affairs doubt.
In question attitude
futege
would
possible powerful European ally The play
exciting
British; will be- unless all fail the imperial
o a swelling theme.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-04-05
A DAILY FOR THE FAIR.

daily eight all the latest telegraph
well advices Alaska
concerning published
Exposition Seattle this The
will daily until when
QUIT
The publication will be the Exposition Daily Gold Digger
viii be edition Alaska
Alaska
exposition daily
paper
nothland
All
building which
the while the in
operation.
will list of all visitors the Gold Digger
published
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-04-05

Event the dumpeart coeh alone the mule
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-04-05

This will be Roosevelt day in Naples.