davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
The Discomfort of Infantry.

a correspondent of the New York Sun.
over the somewhat graudnoQuent sigma
ture OF "a Friend Of the. Army" fur
nishes that newspaper with an appeal
Tor the establishment In Washington o.
an infantry garrison. the nonrepresenta-
ton Of which branch Of the military body
here is described as an evidence OF "A
subtle collision against the foot soldier.
The infantry temperament appears 20 be
much given TO suspicion and discomfort.
II refuses to be recouciled and insists
upon its Office Of martyr. The CORE
spondent OF the New York paper points
out i'm glowing style the advantage to
the country Of having a large body OF
infantry stationed at the National Capt.
tal--it would edify the military attache
and enHghten the lawmakers and give
satisfaction. presumably. TO the taXpay-
ers The project is urged. also, as d
protection against foreign invasion for
which we are described as totally un-
prepared.
All Of this Is doubtless true, but. after
all, g does not furnish the occasion Of
distress IN the infantry, the value OF
which in the United States army is
fully appreciated by every one. There
need not be troops anywhere near Wash
ington, so far as their strategic useful
ness is presently concerned; the military
attaches get their Information from
sources by no means confined TO garri-
sons near this city; the lawmakers are
not influenced 70 any extent in service
legislation by the presence Of cavalry az
Fort Myer. coast artillery at Fort Wash
ington. or engineer troops az Washing
ton Barracks-most OF them. indeed can
not tell the difference between the soldier
and the marine so far as personal iden-
thcation of the military goes.
The infantry is very well represented
and in a most potent way. by the officers
OF that arm serving IN Washington in
detailed capacities in the special stan
corps and as members Of the General
Stan OF the Wah Department; st has a
very ably conducted journal published
here, and an organization. the headquar-
ters OF which are situated I'm Washington
1t does not lack for representation
therefore. and the local garrison Of IN
fantry would have no appreciable bene-
fit upon tho destiuies Of that branch OF
the army. There IS. indeed. real menace
TO the army. # it did but know 81, in be-
ing too much I'm evidence in Washington
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
lincoln and Gettysburg.

Wayne NacVeagh. eX-Attorney General.
accompanied President Lincoln on his trip
10 Gettysburg. He uarrates this story:
AT Baltimore a baggage car IN which
had been provided luncheon was attached
10 the train. and thither we we've invited
just as we were leaving Baltimore. As
the train had entered a deep cut on the
line Of the railway the baggage car was
even darker than usual, and, OF course
the noise Of the train was greater. Mr..
Lincoln. at the head Of the table. AT once
said that the situation reminded him Of a
friend OF his I'm Southern Illinois who.
riding over a corduroy road. where the
logs were not sufficiently close together.
was frightened by a thunderstorm In the
sl.mpses Of light afforded by the light
ming his horse would endeavor 20 reach
another log. but too frequently missed it.
and fell with his rider As a result OF
several such mishaps the traveller. al
though not accustomed 20 prayer thought
that the time had come 20 address his
Maker. and said. oh, Lord II Il would
suit you equally we'll Il would suit me
much better II I had a little more light
and a little less noise As Mr. Lincoln
concluded his story. the train passed into
the open, where there was much more
light and much less noise"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Dnennr WafrrwaYS.

Apropos Of President Tafts trip down
the Mississippi, a story about Capt
shreve, for whom Shreveport is named.
IS worth repeating.
The captain was a well-known steam
boat owner in 1880. and after becoming
wealthy in river traffic. ne hit on the
plan 10 shorten the channel Of the Red
River This could readily be done by
cutting across the bends, making bet
ter current. and. therefore, deeper water.
This seemed most plausible. and the
work was undertaken with great en-
thusiasm. The distance between Red
River ports would be shortened several
hundred miles. the current would make
the water deeper. and thus permit OF
deeper draft vessels. The same conditions
exist In the Mississippi, for both rivers
are for hundreds Of miles in aHuvial soil.
and the cutting OF new channels is not a
difficult matter.
Capt Shreve called together a large
company 20 witness the success OF his
enterprise. The day the new channel was
opened there was present distinguished
company. They We're there TO applaud
the work which would mean so much to
the river traffic
The last narrow strip was cut away and
the waters rushed into the artificial chan
mel II flowed along beautifully In the
new reach" Of the river. But unfor-
tunately when it came to the end Of the
reach. where a slight bend was encoun-
tered the current was so fast and the
channel so deep that the momentum at
tanned carried the water against the bank
on the other end. and within a few hours
the plantation owner saw his fields being
swept away. The water ate up the plan
tauon several miles into the country, and
. then turned 20 seek an outlet. II made
a bend and sought the river only a mile
or two from where the original reach
ended. An incredible amount Of mud
and soil was washed away. and the river
Just as long as before, and even more
crooked.
SO much for Capt Shreve's plan. Lyman
L. Cooley. a Chicago civil engineer. tells
OF certain reach In the Missouri which
was thirty miles long In 1858. Since then
SC has been shortened forty-four miles by
cut-ons. but It is still thirty miles long
Regulating the alluvial bottom rivers
IN :he Middle West and South has become
a scientific study. and the laws that
govern the slope Of the banks and the
erosion are now carefully obeyed. Ye;
President Taft sounds a warning to the
enthusiasts. and be is willing to be shown
results before becoming imbued with The
enthusiasm that is rampant in some
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
POLITENESS.

In my youth knew aleck who exceeding smart
and his ppan talking often broke the hearers heart He
working for grocer in little store taking down the
wooden shutters sweeping up the greasy floor and he always
answered pery and he had sassy eye and the people often
asked him if he wouldn't kindly die Oh the festive years
skeddaded and the children of that day bent beneath
es burdens and their hair is turning gray and the hppan
is toing the old store taking down the ancient
shutters sweeping up the greasy floor In the old sleepy
village lived prngad polite that to hear him questions
genuine delight; he working foundry where they
dealt eggs and cheese and the work hard and reom but
he always tried please And to-day he's boss of thousands and
his aays sky Highland his manners just as pleasant
in days gone by It's idle tring story and you doubtless
think fat but its moral might be pasted with profit your
hat Walt Mason.
by GerssI
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Augusta Chronicle: Where are the
busted trusts OF the yesterdays?" asks
The Washington Herald, Had you
thought OF looking for them in the same
old place?
Blackstone Cva) Courier: The Wash
ingJon Herald suggests 1t seems quite
probable that Mr. Taft Is carrying on
political Irritation with Dixie a game
often played by two.
Houston Post: The Washington Herald
has found some centenarian who says
he owes HIS longevity TO a diet Of pie
The higher average Of life enjoyed by
many Republicans IS due 90 the same
thing.
Elmira Advertiser: The Washington
Herald comes forward with the observa-
ton that the fact that Mr. Crane re-
fused 10 blame IL on The reporter shows
his lack q diplomatic qualifications, OF
course
Des Moines Tribune. The Washington
Herald attempts 90 console Peary with
the comment that 'lt IS better 70 have
dashed and lost than never 10 have
dashed at all But Peary viii doubt
less regard that as dashed BANKED poor
consolation.
Rochester Herald: THAT Kansas baby
named Peary Cook Roosevelt Tart
JeHries Johnson Jones may be depended
on. IN all probability. 10 do the proper
blue-penCiling later along saws The Wash
lngton Herald He Will probably get
down to plain JEFF
Springfield Union: And now the dis
cussion whether the whale swallowed
Jonah is raging again" says The Wash
ington Herald. Why not ask DR.. Cook
about IT, He probably saw the occur
renee and left a brass tube containing
a complete. account OF it somewhere.
Cleveland Plain Dealer: Among the
valiant warriors not out West explain
ing the virtues OF the present tariff law
we note conspicuoUsly the Hon. Nelson
W. Aldrich,' remarks The Washington
Herald. Cannon's there, though. and the
courtesy Of :he profession keeps Mr..
Aldrich from butting in on another mans
beat.
Florida Times-Unlon: Lady Cook,
they say" viii spend a million dollars
promoting the cause OF the sunragettes
in this country. A handful Of suffra-
gettes with a million dollars to spend
certainly ougSt TO be able TO make the
biggest noise ever.-Washington Herald.
When this news gets out, five-dollar
goods win be marked down to four dol
lars and ninety-nine cents all over the
country.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Public Lard Lotteries.

There is railway president who re-
penis or some OF his passenger receipts
This is President Louis W. Hill. OF the
Great Northern Railway. He says that
he IS ashamed OF the fact that his road
received its share OF the S12OOO,OOO paid
for transportation by those persons who
went West for the official land lotteries
Of the former Flathead and Occur
G'Alene reservations. He feels the i'm
pulse OF restitution, II that were posi-
bic. Those who suffered we're misled
into their adventure by the hope that
independence and possible wealth lay
back of an operation that had behind
It the prestige and sanction Of the gov
eminent Of the United States. But, sadly
enough, all but a small per cent OF those
who risked this hazard have lost money
and time. and many have lost also the
employment that they left behind them
Unfortunately. disappointment and suf-
fering We're also the lot of many Of those
whose hunger for land led them to the
borders Of former reservations opened
under the old method. Descriptions Of
the frantic dash OF waiting thousands
across the border OF what is now Okla
homa did not lack in tales Of disappoint-
ment and hardship. In most cases that
race went 10 the swift and the strong
The halt and the weak were left behind
Perhaps many Of them found employ
ment IN the new community. But this
righteous condemnation Of a land lottery
by one whose corporation found in It
profit may smite the conscience Of those
officials who condemn the money lottery
in Cuba and who exclude from the mails
the tickets Of that demoraHzing method
Of raising public revenue. The injured
philanthropy Of the head Of private
corporation may find belated echo in the
minds Of some in authority.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
PURE FOODS MOVEMENT.
Far-reaching Effects OF Cieanly
Methods at Home.

From the Baltimore News
II would appear that Uncle Sam made
q bigger splash than ne anticipated when
he tossed his pure-food pebble into the
worlds commercial pond in the effort
TO protect HIS own people against unfit
foods he has forced upon good many
other people an unwonted consideration Of
the desirabillty OF taking a bath and
scrubbing their floors. II Is even re-
ported that they are introducing fresh air
into date packeries in Fee. and compelling
the fg handlers Of Smyrna to wash their
hands from time TO time
There isn't. obviously, much gain IN
cleaning up the Chicago and Kansas City
packing houses II we are 10 let foreign
trade dump on our shores the output OF
filthy disease-infected. insanitary. can
neries and packing establishments which
provide us with food products So the
authorities have bestIrred themselves q
compel the rest Of the world TO clean
up II It proposes 10 sell us its goods, and
the Turkish empire is threatened with
a thorough cleansing.
Italy, Spain, Greece, Morocco Asia
Minor and Major all sell us a vast
amount OF stun which we have been hab-
ited unquestlonably to introduce into our
systems without consideration OF the IN
namable and unenumerated varieties OF
bacilll they might contain we have ex
| cited ourselves about sanitation In Phila-
4 delDhia. but overlooked its possibilities Fl
Palermo. Now the food law admiuistra,
| tors are getting lines on the Levant, try
ting 10 find out whether food stuffs from
the east are proper for our use. and. by
/ dint Of barring or threatening, 70 bal
the output Of unclean places. they ar
forcing a great housecleauIng upon IN,
more or less unwilling followers Of Ma
\ homet
/ It may involve exceeding tnconven
fence 10 the leisurely folk Of the East
and il may shock some OF their motions
| Of propriety. 10 take baths. let IN In
] fresh air. wash their hands OCCASIONAL.
while al work. and. in general, 70 clear
up; but I'm the end they will find Il i
not injurious. They viii have less o
| epidemics, and viii live longer for m
effort or course. they viii praise Allal
] for IL. and never realize that Il isn't
f, new demonstration OF his regard 10
them; but, IN fact, Il VIII be an inciden
TO the fact that Uncle Sam is trying L
protect his people against filth and tn
/ danger OF disease.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
WIRING Switch.

From the Chicago News.
Little boy" said the big electrician.
as he Unpacked his tool kit, your
mother sent for me TO fix her switch
Where shall find ftp
The little boys eyes grew round
'Sh," ne whispered cautiously. Nam
ma doesn't want everybody 20 know she
wears a switch, but I guess you'u find
it either on the bureau or on her head"
And ten minutes later tho sounds that
emanated from the woodshed told that
there are other kinds Of switches be-
sides electrical and hair.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Mr.. TAFT'S CATHOLICITY.
Presidents Tour Has Welded To-
gether the Sections Of the Union.

Presidents Tour Has Welded To-
gether the Sections of the Union.
From the Kansas City journal.
One OF ne most notable features OF the
tour Of President Taft. which IS now
nearing a close, is the cathoIieity dis
played by the President IN the delivery
OF his various lay sermons and other Off
cial utterances while en- route. Mr.. Tafps
personal religious belief Is classified as
Cnltarianism. Since he set out on his
tour he has laid corner stones or of7cia-
ated otherwise in religious exercises ar
an orthodox Congregational church in
Washington. Jewish tabernacle in Pitts
burg Catholic institution IN Montana
lie preached In the Mormon tabernacle
In salt Lake City and IN a Universalist
church IN Portland. Greg. The most in
spring Of an his appearances in such
a capacity was when az Fresno. Cal ba
preached In the open air at a service in
which all the church organizations OF
the city-Catholic and Protestant-ioIned
That is the Ideal union or church and
state-a mutual but Independent cooper
alton and amity, obliterating denomina-
uonal Inns on the part OF the church and
joining m fitting respect 10 the official
head Of the state The moral effect %
such appearances OF the President must
be FAR reaching and salutary. contrasting
wildly with the lamentable spectacle pre-
scented In most Of the European coun-
tries as continuing condition. and mar
tcularly IN spain at the present time.
The traveller has always been the great
welder % the world. and the present
tour OF the President has strengthened
the bonds which unite the various Sec
lions or the Union together. One day
a guest Of the Atlantic coast. the nexr
Of the great Middle West the third of +ne
scenic West, then OF the mining districts.
the Pacific Coast and the South. and the
Iaet IS borne home to all sections thar
there Is really no section NJ all. but that
the President is the President OF the
whoie people No President has taught
this lesson more effectively and more
unostentauously than has William n
Taft.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
See Father, First!


From Success
AS the young man caressed the cheek
Of his lady love she drew away hastily.
Il think" she said Indignantly, you
had better see father first"
"Why. what do you mean?" asked the
perpleXed lover.
Father" she replied, as she nursed her
cheek SIS a barber
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
DEFERRED HEROES.

I idly take a magazine and glance
adown its text;
7 find a thrilling scene which Is con
tinued in our next"
1 s'pose they hound the hero then and
fill with woe his cup,
But nothing ever happens in the number
l pick Up.
And when I look again next month.
must admit I'm vexed
To find the villains finish is concluded
In our next"
I'd like TO see the hero grab and swat
the lInavish pup,
But nothing ever happens in the number
I pick up.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From The London Chronicle.
Cats are recognized on the star Of the
French war Office but as the position Of
functionary is more priced in France than
It is IN England, these animals are not
selected IN haphazard fashion They are
chosen for their size and strength, and 10
TT them for service among military stores
are sent for one or two voyages on a
war ship. If they are found TO cope ef-
fectvely with the rats always 10 be found
in the holds of ships they are promoted
to a shore berth
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Idle Ifenna-

The most sensible girl IS apt 10 dra=
a line at an anuseptic device for kissing
Some people would consider a days
work In the nature Of an interesting ad-
venture.
None OF these Ihsen actresses are hav-
Ing their diamonds stolen.
Sometimes the girl sort OF snuggles her
waist into the curve OF a fellows arm.
Another unconhrmed rumor states that
one Of those Eskimos was a notary
public.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

States along the Mississippi. At New
Orleans in the next day or two the mat
ter VIII be thoroughly discussed. 1t is
we'll that there win be a large number Of
governors and. Congressman present 20
hear the discussion.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

w. y. Beyers. manager OF the Cumber-
land Telephone Company. down IN Ten
nessee, has ordered the women operators
TO dispense with their rats" and they
declare they Will do nothing Of the kind.
Mr.. Beyers now !ntlmates his deliberate
belief that the operators are lot OF
cats" anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

1--WE do not remember TO have read or
heard what Mr.. Roosevelt said when he
learned OF Judge Anderson's decision"
says the Montgomery Advertiser II IS
not probable that such a prim and
decorous old lady ought 10 have read or
heard Il.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

1t Is hoped It may be determined that
one of the rivals reached the north pole,
at least. It will be a long, long time be-
fore the world may again be worked UP
10 any considerable point Of excitement
ahnnf n
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Il never though these department store
restaurants would catch on like they
have"
why not2'
Il feared people would make trouble
wanting sample sections OF steak. or Try
ing TO match piece Of pie Ike tho one
they bought last week
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Congressman Bartlett will entertain Mr..
Taft at a breakfast in Macon cooked
genuine Southern style" by an old
"befo' de wah" nanny" Now, that is
something worth looking forward 70!
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

"A Wnkesbarre man was fined S497 FOR
cuTslng a clergyman" says the Nash
Vile Tennessean. Sull. he may have
been one Of those pestiferous clergymen
who try 70 run the town politics.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From the New York Sun.
Jonah stepped ashore.
Il left my records In the whale" he
observed. Anybody who wants to see
them can 60 after them"
1t was noticed that none questioned his
exploit.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Tendency Toward Club.

From he New Haven J0umalCourer-
The Hartford Times is. we believe. the
author OF the Diplomatic Down and Out
Club. Now the Indianapolis News has
created the In Bad Club. The out Quick
Club is believed to be under consideration
In New York
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Mr.. Rockefeller has made a magnificent uso Of his
great wealth IN Offering % bear the cost o. scen-
tihc and popular campaign for the eradication % the
'bookwor1n disease"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From the New York sun.
There is something pathetic IN the spectacle Of
the goodnaturcd President Of the United States be-
ing conveyed in state down che Mississippi River
in steamboat to promote a sordid scheme to eT-
tract millions Of dollars from the taxpayers Of the
coIintrt.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From the St Paul PicneeT Press.
A pearl has been taken from a lobster
and scientists are much excited over the
discovery. The good-looking chorus girl
knows that Il IS not unusual 10 get a
pearl from a lobster.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Glad TO know there is no disturbance
there is disturbance enough on this earth
to engage the undivided attention OF the
universe.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Congressman Scott. OF Kansas. denies
that he wrote the editorial saying Mr..
Roosevelt fled to Africa" because he
was afraid" SO many editorials that
produce Impressions Ike unto those pro-
duced by that one turn out to have been
written by the office cat
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
PRINTED OF PUBLIC MEN.
Gov. Hughes in Demand.

From tho Boston Transcript.
Very likely Gov. Hughes would make a god judge
q the supreme Court. but Just now he Is more
needed at home.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
Mr.. Aldrich's Pilgrimage.

From the Chicago Record Herald.
Mr.. Aldrich IS going 10 come out here for tho pur-
pose Of permitting the people Of the Middle West
to gaze upon the who shapes their destinies in
accordance with the Rhode Island standard Of meas
urcmeut.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

Perhaps Mr.. Taft hesitates 70 extend
his Endorsement Of Mr.. Aldrich to IN
clude Mr.. Cannon because he thinks the
people really do not need more than one
friend of Mr.. Aldrich's persuasion. And
he probably IS right.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

The chances for brakeman becoming
president Of railroad are as good to-
day as they ever were" declared the
optimist.
Yes" said the pessimist, 'just about"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From the Topeka Capital.
l. takes no clairToyant 70 tell that when Aldrich
enacted in the year 1879 that bill. Blaine and Nc
Kinley turned ever In their graves
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

From tho Boston Transcript
Hencgforth the waterway advocates may consider
the Speaker. 81 not an apostle. at least not an
enemy Of a waterway bond issue.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31
lIr. Rnrrett. Peacemaker.

From the Kansas City Journal.
John Barrett director Of the Bureau OF American
Republics is known as The Great Psaeemaker. 90
or something like that
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

a cheap and efficient substitute for
radium has been discovered" notes the
Topeka Capital What the people want.
however, IS a cheap and efficient sub
stitute for beefsteak.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

so slanderous or discreditable that II
may not safely be said OF Tammany at
this stage of the game. apparently.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

The pixies shiver IN the grove
And on the green.
The poet writes behind the stove
or Halloween.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

The people appear to have lost all in
terest In the guaranteed-ba nk-deposits
idea Perhaps that is because they have
found out that it does not mean guaran-
teeing bank deposit 10 everybody
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

What in BE mischief does Nebraska
amount to-" inquiries the Houston Post
Evidently. Mr.. Bryan's prodding OF Mr.
Bailey is bearing fruit. Of a kind
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

King Alfonso is said to be amazed that
European nations generally should incline
so readily TO poke their noses into his
troubles. Neighboring nations, II seems,
are not altogether unlike neighborlng
folks
The Washington herald., 1909-10-31

A contemporary says the Speaker Of the
House is a ''first-class humorist." Well
well. Let us hope so, anyway. Things
are beginning 10 appear as II he may
need to be.