The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1909-06-13
MARRIED MAN POWDERS ON
RAFFLES AND HIS CAPTURE


Tell me not in mournfua numbers,
Life is but an empty dream,
For the soul is dead the slumbers
And things are not what they seem"
Thus unused the Married Man last
night. as he boarded the East Walla
Walla car after having chased hlmseu
half way around block to catch 1t.
He was well-nigh out of breath. and
as his form doubled up like warrant
ed gilt-edged jack-knife, he dropped
with a re- sounding thud on the cushion
of the rear seat.
."Stubby," he said by way of opening
the CONGRATULATIONS were few pas
sengers on the car at that late hour
Il have about come to the conclusion
that Edgar Allen Poe who wrote that
ditty about footprints on the sands
of time. as we'll as on Wifelet's parlor
carpet, was about as wise as some peo-
pie have given him credit with being,
and it is a shame that more of the
well-read residents of this free and
glorious nation have not given them
selves to a closer perusal of his mas
terpieces.
'sThings are not what they seem
sometimes, and the events of the past
few DAYS have led me to believe moth
ing is what it seems Otherwise. /
should not be carting this bum lamp
around with me as result Of an IN
discretion that would not have been
committed had things been what they
really did seem. You see, Stubby, !
have not grown old in wisdom as in
years, even though l have been close
observer of humanity and things in this
world are comparatively easy to annex,
my promptitude in embracing a silver
lined opportunity could hardly have
been improved upon.
Life isn't but an empty dream-not
by tank full-but just how much dope
really is contained therein depends
quite considerably upon each of us as
an individual. Whenever we take some
thing upon ourselves that we should
not"
whats the matter with your lamp?
Did someone poke his digits into it, or
did the old girl rap you in the retros-
pective with the business end of a
clothes Wringer?"
"Solemnly 1 tell you it was neither
Just the painful result of my own as
sinmity, coupled with an over-zealous
propensity for mixing other peoples
affairs with my own. / admit that my
gray matter should have taught me
better, but through the dim vista of
years gone by the inner lining of the
thinkWagon has apparently become
somewhat Worn, and hence the result.
q had a bunch that l could catch
Raffles, the mysterious man, and claim
that $500 put up by the Statesman
and, take my solemn oath for it, had
my mind made up to do it right, or not
at all. 1t sounded easy-just step up to
the gentleman, rap him on the shoulder
and inform him that he was the 'myS-
terious Mr.. Raffles of the Evening
Statesman Could anything have been
simpler more remote from undue COM
plications? Assuredly nit! And l was
the candy kid with the idea. Accord
ingly, l made haste to pay my sub
scription in advance, and to get the
receipt which / carried in my coat
pocket, just like when a school kid l
had to pack little bag of disinfectant
around my neck.
Chose requisites secured, I bought a
copy of Diamond Dick, and perused it
carefully, hoping to gain some inform
alton as to the best methods of pro-
cedure. l got 'em. Also l didn't get
Raffles But the worst of the deal was
that | was So certain of winning the
prize that the old girl had been duti-
fully promised a nice vacation with m :
at the seashore on the proceeds, she
not to know from where the expense
fund emanated.
Bright and early Tuesday morning
I started out, swinging my dinner pail
cred casually toward the busy centers
Of commerce, where I expected my
Raffles to be in waiting. He wasn't!
The necessary salutation was firmly i'm
printed on my memory, and every time
l met an acquaintance, Just from force
of habit would start out with, You are
the before 1 caught myself. Three
hundred bones looked like a small-sized
section of Johnny Reckefeller's wad to
me, and as my account at the banking
institution was sadly in danger of
catching cold because of an over draft,
I saw with ease and rapidity where IT
would be to my financial betterment
to land that smooth duck about as
soon as it were possible.
Time went on-who ever heard of it
going off-and my fertile imagination
brought me to the point where l could
see in my minds eye the photograph
on velox paper of his niblets on whom
hung the big reward. Manfully l dis
regarded the call of business and paced
the streets, saluting the first day some
931 people l CHANGED to meet. All of
them stuck their tongues in the side of
their faces and told me to go lay an
egg-that they were not mysteries, and
that if so desired 1 might take a peep
into their family closets. However,
Stubby, l did not avail myself of the
opportunity, because one is often en-
barrassed by the discovery of things
not intended for him