davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

BILE that the weather conspires against
US In these days of high prices for ne
cessities and proposes at last to exact
tribute for free rain and sunshine
People can make light of the beef
trusts little joke If they want to, but 1t
Is pretty serious after all. And what
hurts the worst of all is that the trust
has had an immunity bath from the
hands of the federal courts and could
have laid the blame for higher prices
on Mohammed If 1t had wanted to. just
as we'll as on the patient and long suf-
fering weather. and we would have had
to laugh at a joke that is on US and
make the best Of it. or take to a strict
ly vegetarian diet.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
d9..s|E[5.ElIasIIr)
~E0 GlAIB RUEp~ @

Wroten ad Looie Linkenfusser. vot
hat moofed.
Greetings. Looie: Uf you got a
leader from me lasd week. you iss
mistaken, pecaus I didn't wroten i'd.
Odervise, I am all right. Hoping dis
VII md you der same. I remaines-
ener' HANS.
P. S.: forgot to opserf, Looie. dot
oere hat peen a pole huntinRs GO
ing on skin9e 1 saw you lasd. Ber-
neps, Looie. you do nod know vot i'd
ISIS to hunt a pole. You tink, uf
course, dot 1 mean to vendt oudt in
DER woods und hunt a feesh pole err a
pole katzen. but i'd ISIS nod. 1 mean,
hunting fer blaze vot ISIS nod. und
would be no good to anybody uf i'd
vas To hunt pole. a Teller
should dake a pair uf moccasins. a
!arche vocabulary und a bunch uf
bludder. He should nod eat all uf
der blubber. but kebp some uf Id to
yoos ven he gedts beck und finds dot
some oder Teller hat heated him to
i'd.
Hunting fer a pole, Looie. haf ids
hardships. Most uf dem fall on der
wife uf der hunter. vot usually runs a
milk wagon vile he ISIS gone. Dere iss
also der chillblains und roryboryalice,
a diseas vot gedts dem in der knock.
Nuttyritis ISIS a noder bad diseas, but
Id hat ids virtues. also. Id I'M
tides some egsplorers und natal Of
fcers to membership in der club vot
hat daken der blaze uf der Liars
club, invented py Teddyfelt.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
THE WEATHER TO BLAME.

The beef trust has raised the price
of meat a couple of cents and then
calmly laid the blame for the advance
On to the weather. Name of a name!
Why the weather? There is nothing
strange about the advance in the price
of meat to the consumer, even though
the farmer gets no more money for his
beef on the hoof in conjunction thereof.
But to add this burden of blame to the
load of sins already laid at the door
of the weather is too much.
The weather is regulated by Mother
Nature or by Providence, either that
GRE prefers should take the RESPONSE
bility. Men have sworn at the weather
ever since the flood. but the rain has
continued 10 fall at intervals ever since
then, alike upon the just and upon the
unjust. Crops have been burned and
drowned by the weather. ever since the
primal fall and so have picnics and
county fairs and circuses and weddings
and baseball games. and like our faith
crs before US for a hundred genera
tions, we curse the weather every day
of our lives. 1t is true that the wealth
er makes several billion dollars worth
of crops for the world every year be-
si6es those that get scorched or flood
ed, and If the cyclone old destroy the
mighty city. so is the wind tempered
elsewhere for the shorn lamb. The
rain brings sorrow on circus day but
it also brings water to drink and the
sun furnishes light to work and play
by as well as heat prostrations and it
considerably gees down at night in
CIDER that the weary and the wicked
may sleep.
Weighed in the scales of blessings
and blight no one will dispute that the
W Gather has been much abused by
N an in proportion to the thanks and
raise he has forgotten to bestow. Now
why should the beef trust be allowed
to come along at this late day and
Law the blame for the increase in the
price of meat on the weather? Have
all the steers in Texas been drowned,
or has the dry weather caused the
moisture in dressed beef to evaporate
and thus reduce its weight? Is there
a beef trust at all? Can It be posi-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
DAT OH GRAY MEWL.

Dat OF gray mewl. he jes' SO slow
He's gittin' no ercount at all:
All jes' kin kind o. mex him 20:
All has to drag him from his stall
All hitch him I'D to drive erbout
He move SO slow, All think he's died;
Desc oddeh niggahs' nevis step out
EN- pass us jes' laik We wuz tied.
He won pace mo- dan half er piece,
He jes' won trot er little bit;
Anil sell dat mewl en- git er beas'
OATS got some life lef' In him yit.
Er nice young mewl dat step SO high
He mex dem niggahs TEX NAH dust
En- when dey sees US plowin'-Adyi
DeyH envy me plumb fit to bust.
He plow so fast he tex dey BRET
But shol Use talkin' like er fool
Dat crttter walk me plumb to- def!
All spec Ah'n keep dat OF gray mewl.
Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

A preacher of Wilkesbarre, Penn,
has hit upon a unique method of in
ducing young men to attend church
services. He has offered a reward in the
shape Of box of candy to every girl
who will bring two men to church
with her. Peary won the North pole
through the lure of the gum drop for
his Esquimau, why should not this
preacher pave the narrow path with
sweetness for the faltering feet of the
young men and women of his city?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
The scene has shifted from the

The scene has shifted from the
tropics to the arctic circle. Roose-
welt IS standing IN the wings while
Cook and Peary occupy the center of
the stage. The device of the lion has
given way to the polar bear ram
pant. While this north pole con-
troversy is profitless and of little real
interest to the general public, yet it
comes as a relief from the monot
onous accounts of the ex-presidents
slaughter of big game. When Peary
and Cook begin to tell of the num-
Der of bears and whales they have
killed then 1t will be time to suppress
them
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
IRON the chicago News.l

IFrOn Lne OnICdsO -No"S.I
Lovers that correspond may not be DIT
alike
A wise man is one who knows what not
to do and doesn't do it.
And some people are afflicted with the
advice-swallowing habit.
A widow. can get more than even with
an old bachelor by marrying him.
The activity of some people is devoted
exclusively to stirring up trouble
In the sailors family the father is the
mainstay and the mother the spanker.
It's up to every man to become chair
man of the advisory board of his own af-
fairs.
When you see a woman wearing
cIinging gown it's a sign she thinks she
has good figure.
1t is too much to expect a romantic girl
to express soulful yearning over red
hot cook stove in summer
When a young man is handed his col
lege diploma he knows everything there Is
to know-except how to earn living.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
Kept Her Word.

"Haro1d," said the young woman.
resoIutely, at promised my mother L
never would marry any man without
asking him how he stood on the great
question of woman suffrage. You
will have to tell me how you stand"
"I'm opposed to it, Bella" bluntly
answered the young man.
"well-we-that's all promised
mammal; didn't bind myself to re-
fuse any good man just because he
now. Harold, you stop that"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
Chose ne1tghtful swedes.

"Ay tank Ay go across the street.
and get the tailor to mend my waist,
drawled the Swedish foreman, show
ing his employer a very ragged vest.
'AIl right, John"
In a few minutes the Swede return
ed with his vest untouched.
aren't you going to have it mend
ed?" asked the boss.
GAY tank not in that shop" replied
the Swede. HAy ask him What he
charge an he say, Two dollar Then
in part payment?' and he wouldn't do
it."-Everybody's Magazine.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
Darinr costs Him His Life.

Seemingly anxious to show his dis
regard of the repeated cautions
against coming in contact with the
bodies of cattle which died of the
deadly anthrax, Theodore Wright, of
Gardn erville, is dead.
After skinning one of the cows,
Wright wrapped the raw hide around
his neck and walked to his home.
His face mad neck soon began to swell
and he died in a short time in great
agony. He was fifty years old.-Mid-
dietown IN. " Dis. to the New
York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
Roosters caring For Chickens.

Two roosters, a black Minorca and
a Rhode Island Red, are taking turns
rearing a brood of motherless chick
ems at the farm of o. c. Bidwell, in
Monterey, a Berkshire village. The
roosters are pugnacious and cannot be
LET out at the same time. When night
comes one rooster is put into the coop
with the chickens and stays until
morning. The next night the other
rooster enjoys the same privilege
Winsted (Conn.) dispatch to the New
York World
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

The death Of General Henry c.
Corbin this week was hera1ded In the
news dispatches. but little attention
was paid to the event in the editorial
columns of the newspapers The rea-
son for this neglect must have been
because none of the editors could
think of the incidents in connection
with the winning of the many medals
the general always wore in a double
row across his breast
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

As an offset for the increase in the
cost of necessities imposed by the new
tarfE bill. the automobile manufac-
furers have formed a cooperative
organization the object of which is
to reduce the expense of repairs and
supplies for the auto. This should
reconcile the common people to the
lniquities of the Aldrich bill.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

At a meeting in New York city the
other day the new Democrat league
was formed which is to outline the
prospectus of the party for the next
campaign A half dozen well known
New York Democrats addressed the
meeting but no where in the records
is found the names of Bryan. or Gull
bertson, or Governor johnson, or
Champ Clark, or Colonel Watterson.
New York Democrats conducted the
Alton Parker campaign against
Roosevelt without the aid of their
western brethren and did not carry a
state outside the solid south. Is that
lesson so soon forgotten?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

The Kansas editors have played on
only three strings the past month as
follows: 1.-THE Incubator Baby" THE
North Pole" and Hartman" The
scenes change slowly, but they
change, and the puppets move across
the stage to give place to others.
Hyexfl
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

DR.. Axtell, the new physician at the
Btate penitentiary, would have the
state cut off the supply of tobacco
furnished it's wards in the various
vtate institutions and build an asylum
for the criminal insane with the pro-
ceeds from this economy. DR.. Axten is
probably one of these narrow men who
are iRtolerant of the frailties of the
flesh and would take his scalpeI and
nut them out root and branch. Then
khoxa are Christian Scientists who
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

Word now comes out of the north
that the cranberry crop has been
killed by frost and forest fires. Let
not thy heart be troubled. o reader,
there is still left the turkey. the
gravy, the pudding and the pumpkin
pie. No one need starve on Thanks
giving day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

The sixth chapter in the book of
Bank Guaranty has been written and
is entitled, 1.-The Dispositions of
Dolley" The publishers have not yet
set a date for the publication of the
volume but 1t is expected from the
press before the end of the 1910 cam
paizu
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[From the New York Press.I

[FTom the New OK Press-I
People will pretend to like you for
pretending to like them.
A woman Is reckless only about
love; a man about money.
When a man can fool a woman It's
because she did 1t first
A woman is as scared about her
neck in swimming as she is about her
ankle in a ball gown.
A man has judgment that mostly
makes mistakes; q woman only in
stinet that mostly doesn't
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

The New York World thinks that
President Taft's popularity will suffer
in the west If he persists in his ex-
pressed intention of defending the new
&ariH bill while on his twelve thousand
mile tour of the country this coming
WuT1
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

The Beloit Can. like the man who
kicked on the attempt to change the
name of "Arkansaw." is still OPP
posed to any change in the state con-
Ytttution by amendment or otherwise.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

mock at knives and medicine and
would do away with DIR. AxteIl entire
ly and all his brethren.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

"And then the school boy with
shining face, creeping like a snail I'M
willingly to school"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

Der Second Stacking uf Lawrence
vas pulled ouf last night. Der sack
ers, howeffer, vas armed only init fer
ocfous abbetites, und ditndt burn
anything but a bunch uf Gufferner
Stubs Midnight Oil.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
FRON OTHER PENS
ODORLESS "IAGs"

AO A14SI u pTOnlO1IIOn III
Tennessee has been the invention of
the odorless Gag" Though the state
went dry some two months ago it
is evident that a considerable num-
Der of its citizens still hold with
Byron that "man, being reasonable
must get drunk" and in Nashville the
arrests for drunkenness are averag-
ing more than 40 day. To all the
senses except that of smell the "jags"
are of the old familiar whisky variety.
But in this difference lies the great
mystery which the authorities are at
their wits end to solve. No bottles
are found in the pockets of these
"drunks;" their breaths are perfectly
rum. gin, whisky, or other pro-
hibited beverage hangs in the cir
cumambient atmosphere about the
booze fighters"
all refuse to reveal the lark secret of
their inebriation.
Should the authorities discover
what it is. it is to be hoped that they,
too, will refrain from giving any
widespread publicity to the invention.
Many a worthy but weak man who is
now kept within the bounds of
abstinence by fear of the con-
breath on might be unable to resist
temptation when he grasped the
facilities afforded him by the "odor-
less Jag to prove an alibi
York Press.
DIDN'T KNOW HITCHCOCK.
He was obviously q stranger in town,
so nobody paid much attention to him
when he went into the poStoH1ce last
night end asked to see Postmaster Jas.
Fl. Glynn. Somebody must have been
buying 2-cent stamp at the time, for
the reply came that Mr.. Glynn was
busy. The stranger said he would wait,
and he did so. about 20 minutes. Then
he asked again.
With an air of annoyance one of the
clerks said he would find out, and after
some further delay Mr.. Glynn emerged
from the sanctorum, accompanied by
Hart, who were curious to dnd out
what was the business Of the urgent
stranger.
wen. sir" said Mr. Glynn. what
"Oh, nothing" replied the visitor,
With an amiable smile. ''E am just on
may way from Beverly, Mass, to
Lenox and thought I'd drop in and
Hitchcock"
mot Postmaster General Hitchcock
gasped Mr.. Glynn-
I'm afraid, So" and then there was
round-winsted Comm Dispatch to
New York Herald
CHANCE TO MAKE GOOD.
No 5oubt the young woman who is
suing wealthy socialist for breach of
promise, with 100000 damages, wants
him to live up to his creed by divid-
ing his wealth with his less fortunate
brothers and ststers.-Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
BETWEEN DOCTORS
Doctor I want to engage you to
look after my practice while I'm on
vacation"
But I'm just out of college, doc
tor. Have had little experience.
That's all right, my boy. My
practice, while large. includes very
few people who are actually I'LL
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

But id appears dot B1oodgood Cut
ter, der millionaire poedt, ditndt
make i'd selling peodtry.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
KANSAS COMAENT
VINEGAR Ar A PROFIT.

VINEGAR AT A PROFIT.
aere Is a story about vinegar buy
er tnat Is funnier than Ezra KendalIs
play or that name: An Emporia gro
GER had for a customer a coiored man
VINO purchased large quantities of bot
tea vinegar. The man had bought
nVe barrels of vinegar in the short
space OF few weeks, when suddenly
his purchases stopped. Later the
merchant found what had become of
the vinegar and the buyer. The col
oreo man made a practice of boarding
santa Fe trains when they pulled in
at the station and asking thirsty-look-
ing passengers if they would care to
nave anything. Scarcely train went
through but one or more men in the
smoker produced money and gave 1t
to the solicitor. He would leave the
train and return just as it was ready
to pull out and deliver carefully
wrapped packages to his customers;
Nutttng's hotel the sold ones had
usually found that it was vinegar and
not booze they had bought. Many felt
gan coming to the railroad officials,
and the peddler was warned to quit
Emporia Gazette.
STOPPING YOUR PAPER
Some time ago, a cranky sort of in
clvidual came into this Office and stop
red his paper becaus something in it
did not just exactly suit his fancy.
We have frequently met him on the
street since then. and it Is amusing
to note the look Of surprise on the old
fellows face when ne realizes that the
editor is still in existence, regardless
OF the fact we are no longer getting
his 81.
Some day, however-and it will not
be long-that old gentleman will turn
up his toes. His heart will be still
forever. There will be a display Of
Pretty posies and crepe and the neigh
bcrs and friends will follow his life
less clay out to the Silent City and
lay it to rest in the deep, dark tomb.
An obituary will be published in this
paper, telling what a kind huband,
Loving father, good neighbor, beloved
citizen, and how progressive and pub
ltc-spirited he was-which the record
Ing angel will overlook for sweet char
itys sake-and in a short time he Will
be forgotten.
AS he lies out there in the cold, cold
graveyard. wrapped in the silent slun-
hers of death. he will never know the
last kind word spoken of him was by
sf!tefully stopped"
Have you. gentle reader. ever paused
a moment to think that your editor
whoever he may be-will some day
DAVE IS A GOOD DEMOCRAT
Governor Stubs continues his as
sault on the Democratic party Not
satisfied with the havoc wrought by
his primary election law. he has be-
gun the disastrous work of kidnapping
in dvidua1 Democrats and placing them
in his cabinet This week he appoint
ed Dave Leahy OF Wichita to be his
private secretary. Leahy has been a |
Democrat prophet wheel horse for half
q century.-Holton Signal.
SOME GOOD LAND
w. D. Rife sold his farm, 100 acres, |
one and one-half miles north of Pow
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

Der GREATNESS uf men ISIS ofden made
apparent by der effect uf DER demise
on der world. Uf Misder Hartman
can see der disorterly conduct on Vail
Street today, he will know dot he
reached der top.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

Uf Misus Bleakley und Missus Bar
clay HAT made oop, We iss glat to
know id. Dey hat peen yoosing der
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
RETwEEN DOCTORS

doctor, want to engage you to
look after my practice while I'm on
vacation
But I'm just out of college, doc
tor. Have had little experience
That's all right, my boy. My
practice, while large, includes very
few people who are actually i'll"
Houston Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
DAVE is A GOOD DEMOCRAT.
SOME GOOD LAND

W. D. Rife sold his farm. 100 acres,
one and one-half miles north of Pow
haitian. to Vim. T. Davis for $22. 500.
John Swartz sold his farm, one and
one-half miles east of PowhattaE to an
Everest man for ST, 800. A year and
half ago he bought 1t for $14, 500. Count
ing his two years crops and his profit
in the sale he has realized $1,000 on his
investment World 4
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

halIuf- Nelson, der Gootch toe-hold
der jew-jisty und der upper-cut so
long, dot der strangle-hold Will be
relief, allretty.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

But 1 chumD der chob: I started
oudt to dell you egzactly vot iss der
pole. Id ISIS a weak spot on der crusd
uf der brain uf a lod uf fellers.
Otherwise, i'd ISIS like der hole in a
doughnuts nit der rim remoofed.
Dere ISIS some sense in egsploring
in Africa. we're dey can find rubber
mines und gedt new rubber fer der
rubber-neck wagons in Nyawk. er in
Soudamerica, we're bran new
refolution ISIS frequencely discofered.
but vot in der name uf Chon d.
Rockingfeller can anyvon did NIT a
mort pole uf he gedts i'd? Id aind't
goot to eat; aindt portable prcberty;
Id wouldn't be wort Thirdly cendts to
a tenyfone company; i'd will neffer
be winter resort. so vot der heck.
Bill?
P. s. some more: I vas linking ut
hunting fer der pole. myselluf, but
discofered, ubon frisking my trunk,
dot der mices hat Gated my fur nit
tings. Derefore. id ISIS off Hoping
dis will find you der same. l re-
maineseffer, HANS
Sir Thomas Upton hat issued anod-
err challenge to a yatt race. 1 feel
der symptoms, und 1 candt hellup i'd.
so here goes:
Sir Tommy iss game,
Und ids really q shame
To haul ouf und hit him bat.
But der's many slip
Ton, twixt der Cup und der Lip
Ton,-und vot do you know aboudt
that?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

20 Timothy, keep that which is COM
mitted to thy trust."-I Timothy 6-90
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11

Effery vonce in a vile der greadt
difference crops oudt. Taft refoosed
to empire ball game. Misder Ros-
infelt would neffer oferlook so goot
a chance fer trouble es dot.
And Kansas iss cerdainly a great
state. A Teller candt efen rob a vire-
less telegram in Phillydelfy, mitoudt
hating hiss pasd traced beck to Kan
sas.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-11
CHANCE TO MAKE GOOD.

No .1oubt the young woman who is
suing wealthy socialist for breach of
promise, with $4,000 damages, wants
him to live up to his creed by divid-
ing his wealth with his less fortunate
brothers and sisters.-C1eveland Plain
Dealer.