The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-09-05
NEARLY SAWED!
That's What Happsnd to Hank Dew
 berry Down tO Ranss JOnses' Saw
 MiII-AwfuI Close Shave for Hank-HonihIs PartickIsrs Below!

Hank Dewberry, one of our most indolent and disrespecxtful citizens. i went through a turrible experients on Thursday of last week. the sackred memry of whitch will haunt him to his grave he thinks, and Hank says if his hair don't turn snow white after what he past through it will be awful sur prise to him. Hank says he'll be dog goned if he would be mite surprised if his hair would all fall out by the roots and he wouldn't blame it if it did Hank says even now several days after what he went through is past and gone, when he suddintly thinks about 1t the cold swet of ahgwish stands out on his forehead and he shakes like leaf He says that once when he was filling his pipe from his tobacker pouch he happend to think about it, and dog nashion if his fool hands didn't shake so that he went and dropped his spipe and broke 1t all to thunder and dropt his tobaker pouch and split every bit back of his kitchen, where he couldn't use it agin
 Last Thursday morning Hank got up about a. m. as ushual, and not havin anything partickler to do and yet being anxshious to put in his time sumhow or other Hank he walks down to Ranse Jones' sawmill which is located at Snake Crick, 2 mile below Bingville.. We'll, when Hank arrove at the saw mill he found Ranse busy saving out pine timber. Ranse he seemed to be kinder glad to see Hank, and so the two of em set down on long pine log which Ranse had just rolled on the carriage and started aginst the saw. Of course Hank and RanSe set down on the end of the log furthest away from tother end which the saw had begin to saw into. The carriage, as everybody knows, carries the log aginst the saw inch by inch until the log is sawed through, and then the carriage is run back and the log shifted over leetle mite and the saw started into the log agin, according to whether it is being sawed up into boards or blanks or what
 It is up and down saw and the teeth in same is about 2 inches and quarter long and as sharp as needles.
 We'll, while Ranse and Hank set there talkin about one thing and another the saw was slowly working lords them rippin its way through the log and getting nearer to em every minnit
 Bye and bye when the saw was about ? ft off from them Ranse he says: T reckon it's about time for us to git offen this log, Hank. and find seats somers else"
 "Yes," says Hank, 'T calkilate it is unless we desire to be sawed in two"
 Hank is probably one of the laziest human beings in all this country round abouts, but when he is a settin on a log with up-and-down saw conin lords him he will, in a pinch, git up and find seat somers else ruther than be cut in half
 Ranse he got up and started away and Hank he made a moshion to arise from the log. but somethink jerked him back agin it and he set down on the log hard where he had been settin be- fore. Hank then tried to git up agin a leetle mite harder, but with the same result By this time the cold sweat be- gin to stand out all over Hank and he hollered for help, but the saw made so much noise that Ranse didn't hear him nst then Ranse turned around to see ii Hank was comin and was hor-