The Washington herald., 1909-04-18

House COW This animal, already famous !
BY reason Of IT'S intimate association with |
the home Of the President. Is now en-
balmed In history The club wanted TO
present the real article, but as this was
/ impossible. a very clever imitation of a
COW was led into the room. attended by q
dairy maid. The animal was introduced
with the statement that the days Of the
Teddy Bear were over and the attempt
70 foist the Billy 'possum or the public
was a fake. The emblem OF this admin
I istraron." said the keeper Of the bovine.
is the COW. and this is IL"
Instead OF finding burtermilk and anti
septic lacteal fluid in the milk PAL. how
ever variety OF things we're discovered.
among them being a bottle tagged with
this testimonial from Senator Aldrich:
4 We used this medicine On the tariff bin and 10
moved al Payne from it instantly.
Just as the contents OF the milk pail
had been exhausted IN rushed member
Of the club whose voice and costume
were OF equal loudness. II am Castror'
he exclaimed. Il have been expelled from
4 every habltable place IN the western
1 hemisphere. given the icy hand by all the
nations Of the earth. and have come
/ here 70 demand refuge!"
There was a spirited controversy as TO
/ but the problem was finally solved. Wen
/ LEI you take care Of the cow" said the
animals keeper. So Castro has his JOB
picked out for him. he is 10 be the guard
IAN of the White House COW.
Two New Members Taken In.
Two new members OF the club were ini-
tiated-Osear K. Davis, Of the New York
Times. and Thomas c. Noyes. OF the
Washington Evening Star. Sitting In
executive session. the Gridiron Club re-
oeived their nominations. Before they
were confirmed, however. the GridIron
/ Senate transacted considerable business
] some OF it pertinent. but more OF II i'm
/ pertinent For instance, Senators La Fol-
/ lette, Tillman. Beveridge, Dolllver. and
/ Burkett were appointed a committee on
/ ChautauQua, so that the business OF
/ the Senate might not interfere with the
business Of the lecturers. When the clerk
read the nominations they were discov-
cred 10 be as follows:
Oscar S. straus. to be Ambassador 70 Japsn
! Osar King Davis II .he New York Tines 10 &c
a member Of the Gridiron Cluh
! Oscar ;. Straus % be Ambassador 70 Turkey.
/ Thomas G Noyez. Of tie Washington ETeuing
Star, 70 be a member Of the Gridiron Club
/ Oscar s straus, 70 be Minister 70 Cos,a Rica.
One OF the Senators called attention to
! the fact that Mr.. S;raus had been nomi-
mated for three places. He thought that
this was unusual. 10 say the least
! Mr.. StraUs is a true patriot" was the
response. He VIII accept any OF these
places OF ali OF them"
! The nominees We're subjected TO a rigid
esoss-exanainatlon as 20 their opinions %
| persons present and as 10 matters ana
things In general. For instance one o.
them was asked 10 name the most co9-
sD.cuous reform adopted IN the Depart
nent Of Justice. 'Chloroform," was the
ready reply.
President Taft Participates.
President Taft entered heartily into the
spirit Of the evening and seemed to enjoy
with great good huuor all the references
made to him and 10 his Official advisers
Before he spoke he was made the target
for q song which went as follows:
When maa aseends The ladder Of dsstincsioa.
/ And beeopaes power throughout his native land
OF his friends become matter for cztincsion.
And ho scans them With air intensely bland;
| Now the eyes Of all are fixed upon a figure
Who win guide the ship q state through storm
and calm.
And were wondering Il trie0dship's days are over
Days which held a simple and delightful charm
Nov that Tat Is az the top.
a4art Aailillltr GAYS % aroufNaf
CHORUS
Can't we call him Bill now that he's President
Can't We can him Bin now any more?
As se see him riding By with bis head held up 50
high
Can't stroke his hand and say Hello BIu?~
win &c tim Us down and PASS Us eeri
Is he really quite intent the Mister Preadcnty'
Tel Us. can't We call him Bll any more?
When the President arose he was given
an ovation. II was his first appearance
at a Gridiron Club dinner since his Inau-
guratiOn. and The evidence OF friendly re-
gard manifested toward him ELECTED his
grateful appreciation. His speech. clever
and humorous. was not lacking IN the
lGrldiron spirit
Others who spoke during the evening
reporters are never present-were Rear
Admiral Sperry, Gov. Marshall. or Indi-
ana; Secretary OF War Dickinson. Speak
er Cannon. and Senator Chamberlain.
The president of the club. Mr.. Henry
Hall, was absent on account OF illness.
and his health was drunk at the opening
Of the dinner
A Waste Basket Souvenir.
The souvenir Of the dinner was a mlnia-
ture wire receptacle labeled Congress
sional Waste Basket" Into It's yawning
mouth there we're deposited during the
evening several articles which might ap-
propriately be discovered in a Congress
sional waste basket. For instance, there
was & sheet OF blank paper with an exact
\ Representation OF the Standard OIL Com
pany's letter heading and John D. Arch
bold's name n the corner. II began My
Dear Senator and ended - D. A."
while IN the center Of the page was the
legend Invisible INK fl faint letters.
There was also the exact reproduction OF
a receipt OF local cold storage company
on which was written:
Received from Prank r. Hitchcock eighteen catos
and Ave barrels containing T. e rolicies Storage
prepaid for eight years from date Value asked but
Indignantly refused.
MARKS: Slightly damaged
Stored IN room: Basement Of cellar.
s. ". HURRIEDIN.
For the Company.
There was a wireless telegram, c. Q.
D.. TIE distress signal, from DR.. crum 10