The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1909-10-26
Is it Colossal Advertising
Dodge?

Iicity, one to whom Barnum would
be but as a wart to the Rockies, a New
England sneeze to q Kansas cyclone,
had G charge of the whole north
pole squabble, how could he have
shaped it to larger advertising ends.
knowing Yankee shreWdness n es-
pecially Down East" canniness as Ons
does it requires but little imagination
to picture how it all might be.
This advertising genius. this Napo-
leon Of promoters, hailing explorer
No. / as he is about to start north
: ard, accosts him thus:
What Is there in it for you?'
Fame is the reply.
"Umph!" snorts the Colossus.
We'll, some thousands of dollars,
too" ventures the explorer, "Tho dis
coyery Of the long sought pole, the
achieverc mt of the end to which the
most resolute and heroic of the race
have bent their energies for centuries.
the acquisition o. vast fund Of sclen-
tific knowledge"
"Ah car that, can it to fed ninny-
hammers on" broke in Colossus,
where does the rhino come in, the
ILL.,, Tic uuS liz SIliANr IL NoAAs NAS
dollars, you gosling.'
"Ah the paw YOU mean?" caught on
the explorer. We'll the announcement
of the great discovery will arouse the
interest of the world and the papers
and the magazines will buy my ar
ticles, and then there will come lee.
lures, and later a book
"Fudge, Fiddlesticks. A nine days
wonder! A nine days wonder or less.
But let Roosevelt break the jungle,
the ThaW case be reOpened; cannon
turn off a more picturesque species
of damns, and where will you be-a
back number Then there's Mars ana
h Comet to contend with. why
not scoop in millions?
How? you sucking, How! Just
fill the world with CHATTER, brim 1t SO
fun that it Will have no a to LEND
to the other fellow, or eye to Mars
Or Comet. There's your secret OF true
advertising. Just raise hell and keep
it raised, you dizzard! Thus, II there
is q thing that one-haif n Worlu
loves it is a sensation. If there Is
q thing thai the other half loves it is
a row. And if there is a thing that
the whole world fairly dotes on 1T is
a scandal. Give it a loblolly Of EN-
all, a Brunswick stew, hot, too, as II
seasoned by Old Nick's ladle itself. Get
you a competitor, a rival, young man.
one VINO HAUL IL SIldiQ OiSuO oiH
whose better half hath a sharper.
do the pole! Do the pole! you say.
Damn the pole. Do the people. But
look you to that. To the pole / mean.
What hath a trif1e like that to do with
high emprize like rhine. But interrupt
me not. Get you a competitor, a hot
number; disappear, reappear. Open
like a Calling with a full hopper. AT
the first faint sign that the wire edge
is wearing Off the worlds appetite,
sign to thy competitor. Let him
break cover with LIAR" in his mouth.
Shake your fist back behind you and
call him something worse still. Let
him holler back an improvement and
then you improve on his Improvement,
and so on till that grows stale. Then
ventilate his record and in turn have
him to ventilate yours. At the worlds
first yawn nave thy witness to emerge
from -
1.-The SHOWS. There it is again.
What did I say. Damn the SHOWS.
Have your witness to come round the
corner and improve ten-fOld on what
you said about the other fellow. The
second that the gilt edge wears off
this card, have another up thy sleeve.
Let his witness hop into the ring and
paint you SO black that in compari-
son he will look like a presiding elder.
Meanwhile, have one of your wives to
lend a hand or rather a tongue
"BOth2vNo not both. That would look
too natural. It would smack Of collus-
ion.
by this mastery strategy hold the
world With it's mouth open till cold
weather sets in. When you are dead
sure that the Esquimos are safely
sealed in ice. then holler for the
Esanimes both OF you. Durine
'he winter keep the pot Of