The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-23
THE HOTEL CLERK
 ON THE CHIN WHISPERS
By IRWIN S. COBB.

and dressed like the hind legs of a prop erty elephant in Christmas pantomime. And on top of all that, along came old Miss Trouble and put both of them on through freight. At last accounts Clip was being kept so on the move by the police that he rarely spent two nights on the same park bench. He was about as popular as a haunted house. And lonely well. they'd taken to calling him Poor Old Robinson Castro and that ought to give you an idea.
 But what Clip got wasn't a whiff to what they handed poor Alb over in Tur- key. He certainly had the Allah pazazz passed to hKf You see they're almost as many different sorts of true believers In Turkey as there are in the democratic party, and they don't get along any bet ter, either. There's the Armenians from whom we get our rugs. or would do so if most of them were not made in New Jersey; the Circassian, from whom we get those pink-eyed ladies with the lamp cleaner heads of hair that used to be in all the side shows, but are now remain ing at home and furnishing raw material for the massacre stuff; the Curd, who Is the real cheese, as indicated by the name; the Mohammedan. sometimes called the Musselman, hence the muscle dance and others too numerous and too hard to mention.
 Tt seems they got constitution in Turkey last fall and weren't acclimated to it and didn't know how to take liber- ties with it., as our Congress does, and it went to their heads and brought on trouble. The Young Turks and the Young Corbetts of the country got to- gether and as a preliminary killed or some Christians and passed set Of res- olutions saying that whereas the sacred
 l.c hoo. tts exa1 nfa1 whereas the Christians were reported as plentiful and comparatively tame in sev- eral provinces and whereas the interests of advanced civilization could best De conserved by killing some Christians; therefore be it resolved that we do now proceed to stand the present Sultan on his esteemed pecan, and kill some Chris tians. No sooner said than done. The YourHg Turks marched on the imperial establishment, pausing only to kill some Christians from time to time, and de- posed the Sultan. after killing some. Christians, and sent him into retirement at Salonica, accompanied only by enough wives to make four tables at bridge; first, however, taking care to kill some Christians; after which all hands en- gagged in a favorite national pastime called killing some Christians, pleas ant time being had by all, and the best of order was maintained
 
 "The Turk may be a great fighter all right. Larry, but at this distance he looks to me like percentage player He'd give the other fellow all the advantage that IS accorded a circus grafter who's been caught working the shells on the town marshals favorite nephew in a small. rural community in the Panhandle of Texas; but not any more than that. He doesn't seem to think so very much of Christians since he licked the Greeks that time. Well, haven't heard of any heavyweight champion that came from Greece myself. It seems the Greek was in the habit of spending the night before the battle, going around singing the na- tional hymn and copiously kissing his comrades his military uniform consisting largely of an accordlan-p -paited walking skirt, an Eton jacket and clarinet play CTS lid. For dress occasions he added a lingerie shirt waist and probably car ried volets. When he fared forth to con fiict he must have looked like a cross between a Mystic Shriner and a ser pentne dancer Why, his regalia had him handicapped before he started.
 But the Turk didn't sing any that I ever heard of. on the night before the battle. He hasn't any singing voice to speak of. anyhow. But he put In con-