davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Once Was Enough.

On one occasion, when a guide in
the Adirondacks was accompanying
an amateur huntsman from New Eng
land, the guide was so unfortunate as
to be shot in the leg by the novice.
Immediately the wounded man fell
and lay fat; whereupon the hunts
man ran to him in great distress, ex-
claiming:
For Heavens sake, man! Tell me
you are not hurt!"
"No, amt hurt much" was the
surly response of the guide.
Then, why don't you rise? Can't
you?"
"Oh, I can get up all right" said the
guide. 'Only I was afraid you'd lei
me have the other barrel"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
One Better.

An >Englishman, fond Of boasting Of
his ancestry, took coin from his
pocket, and, pointing to the head en-
graved on it. said: my great-great-
grandfather was made lord by the
King whose picture you see on this
shilling"
What a coincidence" said his Yam
kee companion, who at once produced
another coin. "My great-great-grand-
father was made an angel by the In
dian whose picture you see on this
cent"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

''The old man is feeling pretty good
these days, isn't he?" ventured the
windmill agent.
"Wall, should say So" drawled the
farmers son. dad is feeling power
full pert. Yeou see, the doctor dosed
him on iron all spring"
Ordinary iron?"
"No, think 1t must have been scrap
iron. Dad has been feeling SO pert
he says he can lick anything in seven
counties"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Exempt.

The Teacher-And why didn't you
come to school yesterday?
The Pupil-Please, ma'am, me muv-
yer didn't know school commenced
yestidday, and she borrered MES
Green's almanic an 1t was a last
years one.
The Teacher-And didn't your faith
er know the day that the schoo
opens?
The Pupil-No, ma'am; he doesn't
know muffin bout days.
The Teacher-How is that?
The Pupil-He works nights.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Relief for tha puhrin.

DR.. Story, the late principal CT Glas-
cow university, taking holiday In
the country once, was met by the
minister OF the district who remark
ed: "Hullo, principal! You here?
Why, you must come down and re-
lieve me for a day." The principal
replied: 81 don't promise to relieve
you, but might relieve your congre-
CATION"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
CITY TAXES DUE.

The city taxes for 1909 are due, and
those owing same will please call
promptly at City Hall and settle.
Very respectfully,
J. S. WARRICK,
October Is, 1909. Tax Collector.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
MISSIONARY WIFI.
PRAISES CUTICURA
Daughters Head Encrusted with
Dandruff-Feared she Would Lose
her Hair-Many Treatments we're
Futile Baby had Milk-Crust.
BOTH CHILDREN CURED
BY FAMOUS REMEDIES

For several years my husband was
o missionary in the Southwest, and we
were living on the edge of the desert at
an elevation Of nearly five thousand
feet. Every one in that high and dry
atmosphere has more or less trouble
with dandruH and my daughters scalp
became SO encrusted with it that I was
alarmed for fear she would lose all her
hair, which was very heavy. After
spending between five and six dollars
for various remedies, in desperation l
bought cake Of Cuticura Soap and
box Of Cuticura Ointment. After rub
blng the Cuticura Ointment thoroughly
into. the roots of the hair, 1 gently
combed the crust of dandruff free from
the scalp, and then gave her head
thorough shampoo with the Cuticura
Soap. This left the scalp beautifully
clean and free from dandruff, and after
the hair vas dry, I again rubbed the
Cuticura Ointment, this time sparingly,
into the roots, and I am happy to say
that the Cuticura Remedies were
complete success. My troubles with
dandruf were over, although for long
time afterward I used the Cuticura
Ointment as at first, after shampooing,
which kept the scalp and roots of the
hair moist. I have used successfully y
the Cuticura Remedies for so-called
'milk-crust' on baby's head, and have
never found anything to equal them.
You are at liberty to publish this letter,
Tor do sincerely believe that the Cuti-
cura Remedies are blessing to man.
kind. Mrs. j. A. Darling, 80 Fifth
st., Carthage, Ohio, Jan. 20, 1908"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Go WITH a Rush.

The demand for that wonderful
Stomach, Liver and Kidney cure, DR..
Kings New Life Pills-is astounding.
]. H. Hill & Son say they never saw
the like. It's because they never fail
to cure Sour Stomach, Constipation,
Indigestion, Biliousness, Jaundice.
Sick Headache, Chills and Malaria.
Only $50. rsa
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

When you have piles don't fail to
use ManZan, the great pile remedy.
The only real way to cure this annoy
ing trouble is to apply something that
will act on all parts affected. That is
what ManZan does. It is put up in a
tube with nozzle attached. Sold by
Palace Drug Store and City Phar-
macy.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

do you think that Miss Kidder
was having fun with met" asked
Chawley.
well. old chap, give mo the de-
tails" was Awthur's response.
"You see, had my bull terrier with
me. And said to her, That dog
knows as much as do And she said,
Don't you think four dollars and q
half was too much to pay for him ? I"
Cleveland Leader.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
convincina Arguments.

The lawyer for the plaintiff had fin
ished his argument, and counsel for
the defense stepped forward to speak.
when the new judge interrupted him.
His eyes were wide open, and filled
with wonder and admiration for the
plea Of the plaintiff.
Defendant need not speak" he
said. 'fPlaintiH wins"
But, your honor" said the attorney
for the defendant, eat least let me
present my case"
well, 60 ahead then," said the
Judge, YEARLY.
The lawyer went ahead. When he
had finished the judge gasped in even
greater establishment.
Don't it beat ALL" he exclaimed.
''Now defendant WINS
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
HopeIesslv Out Of stvia.

Peter" said Mrs. Pneuritch, IT
want you to have that roof taken OF
our garage and one of different kind
put on
What for?" demanded Mr.. Pneu-
ritch. whats the matter with it,"
Il heard an architect say the other
day that it's hip roof. Everybody
knows that hips are out of style now"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Unfortunate.

"Ah!" said the candidate, "this is
Farmer Whiffetree's place, I believe.
And you have just celebrated your
golden wedding, understand"
Golden weddin' nuthin'!" was the
response. 1--WE just been sued for ten
thousand dollars wuth of breach OF
promise. You've got your card index
mixed. ed."-washington Herald.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
SALE OF UNCLAIMED EXPRESS
MATTER.

On Saturday, November 6, 1909, at
the Banner Warehouse, the Southern
Express Company will sell at public
auction to the highest bidder for cash
all unclaimed express matter that has
been on hand six months or longer.
F. B. CROWSON, Agent.
October 4, 1909.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
cancellna the OblIaation.

SdtISVTITT9 NIIS 0UIIHNSIOFs
"You have saved my nfe!" said the
old man, whom the tramp had saved
from drowning. "As a reward, you
may have my daughter there"
The life-saver glanced at the daugh-
ter, then bent again over the old man.
What are you doing?" asked the
perplexed father.
"Going to drop you in again"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
John D. as Driver.

His mother was telling eight-year-
old Jack of John D. Rockefeller's sue
cess, and as he listened he said, Eyes,
I know him."
"No I guess you don't know him."
she replied; "you have only heard Of
him."
"Why, yes, I do" he replied; II
have seen him good many times
when he goes by on his oil wagon"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

] Has your stomach gone out Of busi-
ness? II so you can reach the top
notch of physical and mental power
by using Hsllister's Rocky Mountain
Tea. 35 cents. Tea or Tablets. Pal
ace Drug Store and Imperial Phar-
macy.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
$500 PRIZE SUIT.

The Elite Tailoring House, of which
Mr.. K. B. Farah is proprietor, will
give $500 suit made to order of any
selection from the International Sam
pies Book to the first person who adds
any of the number below and makes
so out of them by October Is, inclu-
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Zoo Talk.

ga little golf this morning" said
the flea.
"I don't mind, but where are we to
play7" inquired the second.
why, On the lynx. Of course"
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
The addition of the numbers is 100.
Special Tailoring Sale.


Special Tailoring Sale.
For two weeks only, Is per cent.
off our regular prices to start the fall
season with rush. Guarantee to give
you the best ut, style and the selec-
tion. The only thing we ask is for
you to come into our store and look
over our samples-look and examine
the prices.
Phone 812. Our Pressing Club gives
the neatest and cleanest work you
ever had. AS we guarantee to give
satisfaction in every particular. AL
I ask is a trial. Ladies' work is ou1
specially.
ELITE TAILORING HOUSE.
Phone S12.
13O E Centre st. Opp. H. We'll & Bros
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

You need tonic that will put the
sap of life into your system and for
tify you from all diseases. Holliste,
Rocky Mountain Tea is recognized rs
the greatest strengthener known rea
,r Tablets, 35 cents. Palace Drug
Store and Imperial Pharmacy.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

Many a hot-air dispenser develops
cold feet.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

Cuticura Ointment is one of the most
successful curatives for torturing, dis
figuring humors of the skin and scalp,
including loss of hair, ever compounded,
in proof of which single amounting
with it, preceded by hot bath with
Cuticura Soap, and followed, when
necessary, by mild dose of Cuticura
Resolvent Qiquid or pills) is often
sufficient to afford immediate relief Of
itching, burning and scaly humors,
eczemas, irritations and inhammations,
permit rest and sleep, and point to
speedy cure when all else fails.
Sold throughout the world Potter Drug &
Chem. Corp. Sole Props, Boston, Mass.
s6- Mailed Free. Cuticura Book Skin DlSeases
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

There is no excuse for the man who
lies to child.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

The mosquito sings sweetest just
before he presents his bill
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

People who belong to the upper
crust often are too uppish.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

They call it neuralgia, but with
some folks it is an old complaint.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
icl<Iing i'm the If1roat

Just little tickling in the throat Is that what troubles
you? But it hangs on! Can't get rid of it, Home rem
edies don't take hold You need something stronger
regular medicine, doctors medicine. Ayers Cherry
Pectora contains healing queting and soothing proper
ties of the highest order Ask your doctor about this
No alcohol in this cough medicine. JC1yr Co. Loue Mass
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

No one loves the man whom he
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
Child Ito caller at door)-Mamma

Child Ito caller at doorJ-Mamma
is out.
Caller-Do you think she would let
you come to a party on Saturday?
Child (eagerly)-Oh, I'll run up
stairs and ask her.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16

The law arises from the fact.
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
The Missing End


hverisa
Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-16
NOTICE OF SALE.

13O E Centre St. Opp. H. We'll & Bros
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

the title of "Lacongrams," which, they
say, are projected or purloined by the
actor.
Some of the best things in the little
souvenir are:
"They never name a cigar after an
actor who doesn't draw"
mo man has a right to say the SER
mons bore him who has never been to
church"
mo man has a right to condemn the
theater who has never been in one."'
Lackaye and one of the editors of
famous western daily which we will
call the San Francisco Breeze are the
best of friends Late one afternoon
during one of Lackaye's San Francisco
engagements the editor in question in
vited the actor to sup with him.
when shall / meet you?' he asked.
"Why, come to the theater with me
for my mail and I'll go right with you"
But 1 can't you know. l must get
back to the office"
paper. You've nothing to do at the
office now
but I've got a council meeting
"A council meeting?"
Eyes, you know, we get together and
decide upon what sort of matters we'll
print tomorrow, and all that"
What" was Lackaye's retort You
don't mean to tell me that The Breeze
is published deliberately"
remarkably young and seemingly
omniscient dramatic critic once conde-
scended to ask Lackaye what was the
matter with the stage today. Mr.
Lackaye's reply was very concise.
young critics like you" it ran.
@Come." once said Lackaye to Henry
Dixey, "lets go to Sherry's and hear
the rich eat soup"
Lackaye once noticed stage hand
asleep in a corner, when he should have
been at work. His stage manager was
in favor of rousing the man instantly,
but Lackaye restrained him, saying
Don't wake the poor fellow up
while he's asleep he thinks he's got a
job; when he wakes up he'll know he
hasn't"
with considerable interest the result of
the Shubert's latest move in securing
the Auditorium for next season.
If these managers send their com
panies here it will mean a considerable
increase in the number of high class
theatrical attractions for Los Angeles.
Before becoming too self-congratula-
tory. however, we will wait and see
what actually happens. They have
made elaborate preparations to come
into Los Angeles as separate company
before now, and have disappointed the
playgOing folk. This time it will be
as well to see how their plans ma
terialize.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16
CURRENT BILLS AT
LOCAL PLAYHOUSES

MAJESTIC THEATER-Kolb and
Dill will offer the second of their hilar-
ious laugh shows at the Majestic dur
ing the week, beginning Sunday night
and including the usual Wednesday and
Saturday matinees. The comedy is
playing the Ponies,' the piece in which
they opened their tremendously sue
cessful six months engagement in San
Francisco. This piece pleased the San
Franciscans so thoroughly that it was
given an uninterrupted run of. eleven
weeks, a run which broke all stock rec
ords for the coast, either before or since
this presentation. The whimsical hui
NOR, the many pleasing songs, and the
exceptionally elaborate dances and
drills of the chorus made it apparently
impossible to satisfy the playgoers who
thronged to witness the production. In
playing the Ponies <olb and Dill ap-
pear as Pickus and Pluckus, two Ger
mans, who go to the race track in
search of a lost son, though neither is
quite certain which is the boys father,
their two sons having been mixed in
infancy. They fall into the tolls of an
adventures, who separates them from
much of their cash. and finally dis
cover the boy for whom they are search
ing in the person of Bud, jockey. In
an effort to prove his identity the Ger
mans hand Bud a piece of pie, Pickus
maintaining that if the boy is his he
will eat the dessert with a spoon. while
Pluckus says the use of a knife will
prove him to be Pluckus, ir. Bud, how
ever, uses only his fingers, and the
scheme fails. In the end, of course,
everything comes out as it should, with
the Teutons on top.
There are twelve big song numbers in
Playing the Ponies" The most popu-
lar of these are Queen of the BouIe-
vardes," Summer Girls" EASY
Money" Telephone Me, Dearie," and
Something Seems to Say You Love
Me-" In San Francisco the telephone
song made hit of surprising proper
tions, and it is expected to duplicate
its triumph here.
Prominent in the cast, in addition to
Kolb and Dill the men behind the
laugh" are Adele Rafter, Olga Stech.
who makes her debut with the Kolb
and Dill company in this comedy; Sid
ney De Grey, Percy V. Bronson, Carl
ton Chase, Albert e. Duncan, Richard
Stanton and Harris Mcclure. The ia
nous chorus will again be much in evil
dence.
BELASCO-Having been given one
hundred consecutive times, George
Broadhurst's play. 1.-THE Dollar Mark"
Continued on Page Nine)
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

Melani troupe, laid off here a couple
of days last week, after his engage
ment at the Orpheum closed, and Clar-
ence Drown is ahead one magnificent
wildcat, which he is having made into
a rug, as the beast measured about four
feet from tip to tail. Melani is very
fond of hunting, SO when he found that
he could have a few days before going
to Salt Lake he hired two wagons,
loaded the women of the troupe, TWEEN
ty-five gallons of wine and a sheep into
one and the men, with their dogs and
guns, used the other. They went up
near Dundee, In the mountains, camped
out. and got a number of birds rab-
bits and small game. The wildcat was
wounded in the early morning, after
the dogs had surrounded it. The Me
lanis are all great Nimrods, and next
year plan to lay off ten days here, go
back into the upper hills and seek bear
and deer.
Wilton Lackaye has long been known
as a wit, but now he is an author, if
an author may be described as per-
son whose name is on the title page
of a book containing his remarks and
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

in his dressing room at the Burbank
I'VE had been playing in London, and
crossed the Atlantic ocean and the
American continent with only four
stops. In New York we stopped only
long enough to entrain for Chicago
where we played our first stand. Brief
engagements in st. Louis, Denver and
Salt Lake City followed. and then we
went into San Francisco just in time
to be caught in the disastrous Baldwin
theater fire.
Gillette was writing Because She
Loved Him So at the time, and his
manuscript was in his dressing room
at the theater. When l was awakened
at o'clock in the morning and was
told the theater was on fire, my first
thought was for that manuscript.
dressed and raced to the theater but
found the fire had spread so rapidly
that it was impossible to enter at all.
let alone penetrating as far as the
dressing room. l returned to the Pal
ace hotel and hurried to Mr.. Gillette's
room. No one had aroused him, and
his answer TO my knock was not par
ticularly cordial.
1.-The theater's burning down. l
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16
NOTE AND COMMENT ON AFFAIRS OF THE STAGE

this erstwhile jockey is far more ire
mendous than his size.
Scarcely a star before the American
public has a larger following in
all parts of the country than Miss Ethel
BARRYMORE, who will be seen at the Ma
son in Lady Frederick This comedy
in three acts by w. Somerset Maug-
ham, has been a notable success in
London and New York. In the new
play Miss Barrymore is seen as an
Irish widow,
An advance guard from San Fra1r
cisco reached here this last week anG
brings word that Frank Fogarty, who
headlines at the Orpheum this week,
is about the greatest after-dinner
speaker the bon Vivants of the gay
northern city have met.
If Mr. Fogarty realizes one-half the
reputation before the footlights that
he has made over the walhuts and wine
he will undoubtedly prove most
amusing raconteur. This information,
by the way, comes from a source
quite without the efficient press agency
which the Orpheum circuit employs.
OF additional interest, the information
that after a week of strenuous wining
and dining in San Francisco Mr.. Fo-
garty put in a week at Oakland, in
which calm and peaceful city he has
been laying up hours of excess sleep
to be prepared for the pace which
Los Angeles good fellows promise to
set for him.
Charles Giblyn of the Burbank stock
company came to Los Angeles for
the first time when a boy with Harri-
gan and Hart. His next trip coast
wards was made some years later with
William Gillette in Secret Service"
That was in 1897" he said the other
day in the course of a reminiscent cha,
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

ception to this rule and has established
her lares and penates-to say nothing
of the grand piano-in coy apart
ment scarcely two blocks from the
Majestic. There she will spend the
summer, easily within reach when the
musical summer stock opens at that
theater, and she assumes her place as
prima donna soprano of the company.
Meantime she will appear on the Bur-
bank stage as the Circus Girl, and per-
haps in other musical roles.
Speaking with Margaret Moffet the
other day I asked her how she got this
sketch, Awake at the Switch" which
is now at the Orpheum, and she said it
was largely because she had known
the author, Sewell Collins, for a loug
time
Well" I said, perhaps that may be
son I myself might be playing the part,
for l. too, knew the author several
years ago" and you see I'm not playing
it nor anything else
when did you know him? When he
was doing those beautiful artistic pos
ters he knows so well how to make?"
asked Miss Moffet.
NO, indeed, longer ago than that.
Why when I knew him he was a stu
uellt at an Episcopal Military SCllOOl III
Faribault, Mimi"
"Oh, yes" laughed Miss Moffet, II re-
member hearing him tell of those dear
tin soldier days. He always claims
that he was an officer, but I'm almost
sure he couldn't have been much higher
than a corporal or sergeant"
well, you do not do him justice,
then, for he was a lieutenant in his
company and regimental adjutant as
we'll All the st. Mary's school girls
used to adore him with his gold braid
and buttons, and l am sure it must
have quite used up his supply of pocket
money buying new lovely shiny but
tons for his uniforms"
When I told her about SeweI Collins
early literary ambitions and how he
used to edit the school paper she
laughed. Now, I'll have to tease him
about this. He has always made us be-
lieve that his launching forth into writ
ing was a very recent affair, and has
received much credit for his success
but if he has been at this game ever
since he was in prep school-Well, that
is quite a different matter"
Just then the call boy beat on the
door with his Fifteen minutes" and l
realized that we had spent all the time
talking about the author of the sketch,
and none about the actress. However,
in the part of the saucy telephone girl,
Awake at the Switch" she speaks for
herself.
Bud is the only person at the Ma
jestlc theater who draws both salary
and wages.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

his thoughts In eommemoration of
Mr.. Lackaye's Tooth performance of
Cleveland Moffetts play, 1.-THE Battle"
his managers, Liebler & Co., got out
little book, containing some of Mr..
Lackaye's "epigrams and stories, under
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

He plays the part of the jockey, Bud,
by himself, in Playing the Ponies" this
week. and receives a salary as an actor.
Beside this, however, he receives wages
for the time when he acts as chauffeur
for Max Dill. Bud is really a grown
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

called through the locked door, in ex-
PLANTATION of my disturbance.
81 left call for II O'clock, he re-
piled; and l fed"
Raffaello Melani, the fiddler in the
Los Angeles herald., 1909-05-16

up man-that is as grown up as he
will Debut he has the size and APP
pearance of boy of 16. and is usually
mistaken for a lad.
The wrathfu outbreak which follows
such an infringement on the dignity of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-14

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COLORED TENANTS.
10 I'd ne, Or. W. .l7.50
zoos Sth ne. 3r,w. 1000
STORES.
1888 eth NV. 80. so. 90
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2034 Ga av NV. IA Jn
GIG La av, asset. g. 90
STABLES.
RI 1913 10th NV,
garage .-...... ID"
Rear 2713 Ga AZ,
sta q 2 acres. 13.U0
Rear 2lS1 Sth NV,
4 stalls. .......1 10. 90
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OFFICE ROOMS.
512 + NV, ar. b. 40. 90
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WAREHOUSES;.
rreednlsn's alley..N.00
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-14

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llO3 9th NV lar. 2b36 50
90 @ NV. 10r. b.
store. .....-.-.-@ -W
1912 T NV. Sr. b. $500
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DELFT