The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-06-20

+ dhrove of tn COWS an as they disap-
peared over tn hills an Ciprianio Cas-
thro looked into his empty barn he be-
come a rivolutionist. Nanny rivolu-
zionist has been made tn same way. Tn
reason we don't have this in our favored
country is because tn govermint niver
takes anything away firm US. 1t gives
us things. It gives tn sugar thrust a
tariff an it gives us other smugglers
five years.
! wei. anyhow, whether 1t was fr
this raison or some other like it, tn his
toryan says Ciprianio Casthro shud-
dered at tn wrongs iv his country an
started a revolution. There had been
other revolutions in Yinzwala or as they
ARE called in that quaint language,
siestas. But they amounted to nawthin'
/ beyond maxim it hard fr tn little Vim
zwalans to reminder who was tn father
! iv their country that AFTERNOON. TIL
raison they had failed was because tn
revolutionary army was niver large
enough Ciprianio bein' a BORN war
ryor, med up his mind not to give
amy such advantage to tn inimy.
So he invited his brother-in-law an his
uncle to rally to his standard an they
rallied. With this magnificent array
he marched on tn capital afther care
/ fully loOkin up tn name iv it in jog
raphy. TIL smouldhrin' hathred FIR tn
opprissors an tn enthusyasm FIR tn
army iv revolution burst out as he pro-
ceeded. an all along tn line iv march
tn popylace rose on wan elbow an
greeted their emancipation with frantic
yawns.
AT tn capital he met a desp'rit re-
sistance. Long days tn fearful battle
ragged. All tn horrors iv civil war at
tinded tn engagement. High an bitter
wurruds were spoken. No quarter was
asked or given. TIL city rang with tn
despairin' cries iv Get off me foot,
l'Don't shove an 'Cow'rd, to refuse a
light to a lady
FIT days tn tide iv battle ebbed an
flowed ontil tn peerless Casthro him
silf dashed through all obstacles an
plungtn' headlong again tn govermint
forces snapped his fingers in tn face
/ iv tn able but ill-starred commander,
Don GuIpio de Swizzle. This action has
| been denounced be sentimintalists as
crool an barb'rous an a blot on Cas-
thro's name. But, as Gin'ral Sherman
said: War is hell TIL harshest meas
Ures ARE sometimes nicissary. Casthro
has often said he restrained himsif on
this occasion. If tn INTERESTS iv me
beloved country required it, I wudve
pulled his nose says he. Forchnitely no
such exthreme was demanded. TIL op-
posin' gin'ral broke an fed an that
night Ciprianio Casthro occupied tn
palace iv his ancestors, tn Inkies.
His wurruk was now over as he
thought, an he was prepared to return
to his native roost, but tn grateful peo-
pie iv Vinzwala wud not have it so.
Thrue to his republican TRADITIONS, he
called fr an Fiction fr prisidint be tn
qualified voters iv tn Fatherland. TIL
returns were eagerly SKINNED that
night at tn palace. They showed that
CasthrO had received wan vote, his
brother-in-law wan an his uncle wan.
! But as his brOther-in-law an his uncle
were in Jail convicted Nv threason again
tn republic, tn votes FIR thin were
thrown out an Casthro was unani-
mously ilicted.
That's as far as tn histhry goes.
What I'm goin' to tell We now is thrue.
Ciprianio made tn fine prisidint. He
was tn first South American prisidint
liver heerd iv an tn reason is he was
so TROUBLESOME. 'Tis like ye'er neigh
/ Dor. If he's a quiet, honest, peaceable
man ye amt interested in him. But if
he keeps a dog that's attintive to tn
calf iv ye'er leg as We PASS by, or doesn't
shovel off tn snow firm in front iv his
dure, or brutally stamps on a defince-
| less pianoly at midnight, We find out all
about him. So it was with Casthro.
Who iver heerd iv tn name iv amy
prisidlnt iv Brazil or Peeru, or Patty
gonya or amy other iv thin noble re-
publies that set so proudly in tn Jim
Crow section iv tn Brotherhood iv
Man? That's because they're dacint
men. But Casthro will have all his ii
ties in histhry whin they're mintioned
as What's-his-name?
'As told We, he become a public null
sance an tn grand time he had Nv it.
He abolished revolutions as eliminate
an tucked all tn rivolutionists in jail.
Thin he took a step that showed tn
vicious side iv his charackter. He wud-
dent pay out money to furriners whin
they needed it. IT'S hard to explain tn
situation to an oncultivated man like
ye, Hinnissy, who don't know amy
thing about internaytional law, but It's
/ like this: If a German comes to this
| country an starts up a delicatessen
shop an We get tick firm him f'r a fur
long iv sausages an We don't pay, he's
/ apt to go down to Halsted sthreet an
swear out a warrant f'r We an hire a
lawyer an thry tn case befure a jury,
an if he gets tn vardick, We carry tn