The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1909-07-08
THE RURAL
PHILOSOPHER.

originality and when they express an
opinion about anything it in all prob
ability is an opinion they have heard
expressed by somebody else. But
once in a while we run across real
" original thinker. We have one in
mind who used to deliver himself Of
a number of sentiments that ought to
have been saved to the literature and
philosophy of the world.
Ii was customary out on the range
to wear high heeled boots. One day
the philosopher saw a cowboy with
boot heels that must have been near
ly two inches high. He said; when
ever see a Teller with that much
leather on his heel | know there is
burned little in his head. A man OF
brains never runs to boot heels.
On another occasion he went to a
store kept by a merchant who hadn't
the most cnviable reputation. He
drew from his pocket 81 and offered
it to the merchant. what is this
for?" asked the merchant.
"Well," drawled the philosopher,
them last eggs | bought from you
all had chickens in 'em. Eggs is
wuth Is cents dozen and chickens
is wuth 1925, ! just wanted to pay
you the difference.
There are a good many people"
he said one day, "who git false no
tons into their heads. used so have
a pet lamb that he'd been raised up
round the house. When ii got to be
a big sheep we tried to git it to run
with the other sheep, but it was all
the time wantin' to run round with us
humans. Every day it he'd to be fired
out of the house. The cook got out
of patience with that sheep and sous
ed it with pail of bilin' hot water.
The result was that all the wool and
skin come off that part of the sheep
where the hot water hit ii. The next
day saw it ruminatin. knew what
it was thinkin' about. There amt
no place for me, says that sheep, 4
haven't no use for sheep and humans
haven't no use for me. II would
have been money in my pocket if ]
never had been born. There are
plenty of people just like that sheep.
They git TO feelin' above the crowd
they naturally ought to train with and
they can't break into the crowd thai
they want to train with
He had his rules for judging char
acter. Look out for the Teller who
has voice like melted butter. He II
grease you and swaller you if he gets
a right good chance.
"There are some people" he said,
"who are born liars and some acquire
that art to an extent, but the man who
has to learn to lie never gets so he
can do it easy and graceful like the
born liar.
THE hen isn't really as useful as
the duck" he used to say, "but she
is a blamed sight better advertiser. "
There are quite number of PEG.
pie that know" he said one day,
"who really need KILN, but simply
can't afford to take the job of KILN,
them"
One day man who had the repu.
tation of being about the worst hen
pecked man in the county, was killed
by falling from load of hay. A
neighbor meeting the philosopher g
short time afterward said, THAT wa!
too bad about Mr.. Simpson being sud
denly killed" "Oh, | don't know
said the philosopher the last time
saw Bill he looked to me as if any
sort of death would be pleasant sur
prise to him."
One day a man was boasting tina
he never changed his mind. "He'!
right about il" said the philosopher
''You can't change the furniture in ;
room unless there some there Il
change"
There is a man," said he one day
referring to man who was contin
| ually butting into discussions wher'
he really had no call to get in, "wh'
is just like cipher. You can add t
him or subtract from him all day an,
at night you will have just what 20,
started with in the morning."
Things are bound to be evened u
somewhere" said he one day as h
watched man beating a horse. eth
liz z. H.