The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1909-08-13
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what you will get"
Belle-Dick says I grow prettier ev.
cry time he sees me. Estelle-You
should get him to call more often.
Milly-I ind this balm excellent for
preserving the face. Jessie-But why
do you wish to preserve your face?
Yes; they not only have everything to
worry about that women have, but they
also have the women to worry about.
too."-Smart Set.
see they have the same means Of
rounding up the lambs in Wall street
as shepherds have in the field" What
Is that?" "A crook"
1 started out on the theory that
the world had an opening for me and
| went to find it." did you find it?'
"Oh, yes. I'm In a hole"
Grace-He said l looked lovely in
that gown, didn't he? Helen-Not ex-
actly. dear. He said that gown looked
lovely on you.-Brooklyn Citizen.
She ION the Atlantic liner) Did
you observe the great appetite of that
stout man at dinner? He-Yes; he
must be what they call a stowaway.
Suffragette-We believe that a wom-
an should get mans wages. Mar
ried Maxwell. judging from my own
experience, she does.-Boston Tran
script.
Sued for breach of promise, eh?'
yep" ANY defense" Temporary
insanity; and l expect to prove it by
the love letters I wrote "-Washington
Herald.
Il understand that manager is pay
Ing fabulous salaries to his leading
singers" Not fabulous" replied the
cynical press agent, "fictitious.'-
New York Herald.
Your ocean trip was pretty nice, I
spose?' "Oh, yes" '"Saw icebergs
and such things, eh?' yes; but l
missed the billboards. I can tell YOU"
Herald.
He (teaching her bridge) -When In
doubt it's good rule to play trumps.
She-But that's just it; when I'm in
doubt don't know what the trump is.
Record.
Mother-Johnny, why didn't you
wash your face this morning? Son
The doctor said to be careful and not
get my feet wet. and guess my face
is just as good as my feet.
Housekeeper-Lookh here, ordered q
dozen eggs from you this morning. and
you only sent me ten. Dealer-Well.
ma'am. two of 'em were bad, and I
didn't think you'd want 'em.
Her Father-When you marry, my
daughter. you marry big-hearted. no
BILE girl. Her Suffer "a wise guy)-I
know that. sir, and I'm sure she inner
its those qualities from you.
II have just decided to suspend your
sentence" the Judge began. For the
lords sake, judge, you don't mean to
say lifting few chickens Is hanging
matter!"-New York Herald.
Redd-This paper says there is on
exhibition in Saco the largest lobster
that has been landed in those parts for
years, If ever. Greene-Does it give
the name of the lady who landed him?
First Farmer (pointing to the far
ing horn on an automobile -What's
tibet thing for? Second Farmer
Thet's tn thing they blow jes' before
they run y DOWNTOWN and Coun-
try.
Clergyman examining a Sunday
school class)-Now can any of you
tell me what are sins of omission?
Small Scholar-Please, sir, they're
sins you ought to have committed and
haven't.
Gentleman Indignantly = You
praised your kitchen coal to the skies,
and said it was most economical. Why.
It won't burn at all! Coal Dealer
(coolly)- what could you have
more economical than that?
"Mr. P, how is it you have not
called upon me for your ACCOUNT"
"Oh. 1 never ask gentleman for
money!" Indeed! How. then. 40 you
get on If he don't pay?" why, after
a certain time, I conclude that he Is
not a gentleman, and then ask him."
Here" said DR.. Price-Price. 'just
take these pellets. You've merely got
a little fever, that's all. Five dollars.
please" "My!" exclaimed the tran
sient patient, who had happened into
his office by chance. Excuse me. Doc.
but 1 hope the fever amt as high as
the feel"
'It is said that aggressive, impul-
sive people usually have black eyes,"
remarked a man who was interested
in the suggestion how far the face Is
an index of the mind. That's quite
true" rejoined listener. IF they
haven't got them at first. they get
them later"
Dashaway-You say your sister Will
he down in q minute, Willie. That's
good news. thought perhaps that she
wanted to be excused, as she did the
other day. Willie-Not this time. I
a trick On her DaShQWay-