The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-12

VIZ n.-'sp'oial.'-Ea'h ar'd'F0n
w club dinner exceeds in humor
and cleverness the past one in that the
newspaper men OF washington are not
only hard workers, but they enjoy an
evening of fun occasionally, and they
we'll like TO have their friends with them
when they do SO. Webb Crawford of
Birmingham was with them this evening.
Only the fun of the club members can
be printed, as the rules of the club are
stringent and provide that ladies are al
ways present; reporters are never pres
emit" So the following story is all that
can be told in print:
President Taft and members of his cab
met, senators, judges, scientists, diplo-
matists and men of high station in public
and prlvte life spent several hours to-
night as the guestAof the Gridron club
! in revelry song and nonsense. blended
with wisdom. They heard many homely
truths told in strange form and enjoyed
many a Joke at their own expense be-
cause of the genial humor in which the
shafts of wit were concealed. Men of
strongly opposed politics. and others who
although OF the same political party, had
found serious reasons for wide divergence,
were present at the dinner and listened,
not only with philosophy but even with
! glee to the comical exploitation of their
ouarrels
The distinguished company learned In
an authoritative way the truth about the
discovery OF the north pole through a
scientific commission which reported per-
sonaliy to the Gridiron club, and under
took to arbitrate the differences between
! Peary and Cook who in this instance were
| represented by the two initiates into the
club membership-Edward L. Keen of the
United Press, and Ira e. Bennett of the
Washington Post and San Francisco Call
One Of the explorers said he had identi-
/ ned the pole by the resemblance of the
climatic conditions to Inauguration day
in Washington. He had qualified for his
task by climbing Capitol Hill to reach
the appropriations committee and was
equipped with fountain pen and mega
distant from land as President Taft found
It from the "Insurgent wigwam," to
"Stand-pat Igloo."
Strange discoveries were made. Santa
Claus was found laden with heavy pack
ages marked MY policies-from t. r.
to w. Fl. IT,
The aurora boreahs resembled the halo
that Taft put on Aldrich. while Cannon's
halo resembled the midnight sun without
the SUM. Matt Henson appeared, claim
ing to have located the pole In Savannah
and produced it in the shape of bar
ber's pole. tunefully telling of his ex-
ploits. The question of identity being
raised, BARRIERS ruthlessly removed the
enormous hirsute appendages of the
pseudo explorers and disclosed the init
ates. Then the electric bulbs were
dimmed and in the brilliancy of a calcium
light Uncle Joe" Cannon was portrayed
In q series of elastic poses on q pedestal
as ''The Iron Duke" with the inevitable
cigar, grown to mammoth proportions and
tilted upward at the familiar sharp angle
while the quartet chanted a ditty to the
tune of Pony Boy" the first verse of
which was,
I'm the chair up In the air, sitting there.
| See the speaker. our own Uncle Joe;
Hear him swear, see him tear all his hair
| When insurgents defy him;
| Every man in the House is as still as q
mouse
While Cannon is present;
But when he's away for a day they all
play,
And say they don't fear him.
Scarcely had the guests turned again to
their entree when the dinner was inter-
rupted by the noisy entry of a dozen hard
faced old DANES. leading meek and hen
pecked husbands. These turned out to
be . delegation of aggressive sufrragettes.
demanding 'svotes for women" in strident
voices. Several noted men among the
diners were called upon to declare their
positions on this momentous question, to
the great amusement Of the company.
Finally the president of the club decided
against the women's claims, whereupon
they announced their purpose to partici-
pate in the dinner and were only driven
away through threat to feed them after
the British fashion-through the medium
of a gigantic stomach pump.
1.-THE Battle Royal was mirth-pro-
voking stunt; members Of the club, clad in
regulation ring outfits. represented Bat
Ting Nelson, the Rhode Island Terror"
Achilles Ballinger the Siwash Sirocco."
"Gif Pinchot the Fighting LUMBER Jack, !"
Joe Cannon the Danville Bantam and
Herb Parsons the Candy Kid"
Before the mixup. which was very real
istic, the cautious referee discovered con-
ceaIad IN the gloves of the rladiators va