The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1909-06-06

AS ptot = SoiA Nv W s
there il d be as pat as a fellows strictly
Of Toasts.'
Pm going to suggest the building Of
such a book to some writing fellows OF
my, acquaintance. 1t could be called
Pat Lies" or Lies for Every Occasion"
or something equally descriptive and
satisfying.
In the meantime, hang it all, l wonder
what I'm going to- and the rest OF
it dribbled off into a sort Of humble. I
was too busy with other e1opsers a minute
or 50 later to have time to listen to what
but I'll bet 1t was ingenious.
That's the worst part OF 1t. by the way
the wheedling. deceitful way the men
who invent these deliberate yarns tell
them to their wives over the phone: !
can't help but overhear a good deal Of
as II / could jump up and shake the men
who are telling their wives those shocking
bamboozling lies that I've heard them
make up in talk with each other only q
minute or so before:
Well, u nan will say to his oompan-
ioa. III see If / a uncoil that on
her. and he gives me the number and
goes into the booth. Presently l hear
him making his little opening talk.
Doll heart the horrid rufian says
to her in a sort Of a languishing tone, 'is
that you? By George. but it's agreeable
to hear your voice, ~honeybug,
on earth 1{' for . me to make the dinner thing
at home this evening" and then he
plunges in and unreels the dreadful lie
he has invented. Sure did make me
sore, he goes on then. to be kept down
town like that.
I'D g thousand times rather be
-----l.-- .-,-I 49, tt~tlA Ill -,th
my blubwubbsy, and you know it, but
and then he goes on with a lot more Of
that kind. perhaps winking all the time
at his grinning companion outside the
booth. and it certainly is enough to give
anybody what they call the biggest kind
Of a line on men and their ways.
Not. Of course. I am glad to say, that
lies every time. or anything like every
time. As a matter Of fact I should say
that they don't put their yarns over
more than about once in three times,
and I notice that the men who succeed
in making their. stories stick over the
men who look as If they're not long
married. $500. =,
-The getting along and middle aged
men don't often win out at the finish OF
their phoned confabs with their wives.
but the same men bob along at regular
intervals with new stories fixed up to
excuse themselves. and sometimes ]
think they're aotuated more by a desire
to find out how expert they are as liars
than by any genuine desire to appease
the wrath Of their wives.
The prompt way that some Of the wives
cut of their bubbles when they. see the
inevitable fairy story coming is funny;
Say, angel face, H.
Eyes, I know. seraph eyes a woman
with a pleasant voice got ri ght back at her
hubby when he opened up that way, one
evening not long ago. I know all aoout
it, precious-presh, ! might say. heard
that you'd been drowned while trying to
save a little girls life of the Battery. and
I was quite affected, really. BY the way,
where are you now
".Now?' said the horrid creature, not
in the least abashed by her sarcasm and
her beating him to 1t. Why. right now
I'm in the swimming room OF the West
Side Y. N. c. A.. taking a.
rupted him, but l don'tsee why you should
need two swims in m afternoon. How
ever. VARY we'll. OF course l fully under
stand why you didn't get home for dinner.
Cake of the World. Becanse~
Because he broke in there, the boss
had a mild stroke Of apoplexy this alter
noon. and
-'Oh, was that it, she cut in, sweetly.
4 thought II was because my Aunt Ellen
in Schenectady was being treated for chill
blains last winter. or somethinS''
Now, look adhere. dawlink.' he put
in at this point. you know perfectly. we'll
that I wouldn't think of trying to tell you
anything that wasn't
oh. 7 know. | know, Brighteyes,' she
jollied him along, and that's the reason
I'm going out myself now for a little
amusement. L don't exactly know whore
I'm going, but the fiat looks pretty fat 10
me after all this foolish sitting around and
waiting, and I'm going TO get on ny
bonnet and shawl and
Wait a ~minute-wait a minute! he
chopped right in there, in a panic. I'll
be right up-just as soon as a subway
express can take me. Don't you think
Of going out-Im be right up! and he
hung up the receiver Inc hustled out of
the booth and paid me for the phone and
das he'd to the subway station like some
BODY going to a fire.
That, by the way. is the thing that gets
all OF these excusers--the little intimatlon
on the part Of the wife hat she's going
out herself. That's the One number they
can't stand.
1T most always stampedes them when
wife at the other end OF the line says in
a sort of a careless tone that she doesn't
mind how long they stay out, because
she's going out with a little party herself.
II gets 'eIn every time, and they never
fail to become sober and soinbre and
gloomy jawed right away and to beat up
4, THAR homes ms fast rs thew can