davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02
BY FRED SCHAEFER.

Zach, OSCAR, do l see you sick
in bet?"
ooh, nod at all. You see me ouid
on der chicken coop boring holes
in der roof so i'd von'd rain in on
der ducks"
"Und vot consists of your ILL
ness?"
"Lumbago."
were do you feel id?"
In my foot"
in my foot"
Fool! Lumbago ISIS in der
back"
ITO be sure. Id ISIS in der back
of my foot" ...
"Oh, cheer up. Eff i'd ISIS fatal,
der dississ will soon run ids
course"
But for why shout i'd use my
system for a race track, 1 ask
you?"
"Don'd your doctor know"
How shout he know anyding
abouid race tracks? He ISIS nc
horse doctor"
ven, VOI lSS ne
'He ISIS a regular veterinarian. -
How are you getting along? Do
you suffer any improvements?
"Yess. l am getting worse much
better"
dot ISIS a pleasant SURPRISE to
me. guess i'd ISIS becoss l hat
been Citing you absent treatment.
l hat been Thinking your healt
efery dime / felt firstly"
Tank you. Your kindness to
yourself will nefer be forgotten. Id
iss surely great sacrifice on my
part"
'Nefer mind, ! hat brought you
some iimburger cheese. Wass you
allowed to hat any dainties."
mo, indeet. Der doctor bass
efen cut off my pigs feet
Il hope der ALTERATION wass
painful"
Mod ferry. You see dey gate me
gass. Gass fss der only light nour-
ishment l can take"
"Don'd dey gife you any solits ?"
! "Yess. Pills"
you ought to try a goot tonic"
we'll, dit take hair tonic, but
i'd don'd rest veil on my stomach"
"Ach, eft | coult only do some
dings to make you more miser-
able!' re- -
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02
GOODBY UNCLE JOE

carry said Taft, In speaking to
friend in Cincinnati last Septenfl
Even during the presidentid
campaign q number Of members "a
congress, particularly In the mioI
die west. were obliged to unload
the weight of .Cannonism" before
they could make their congressioni
al race. Several came to this conf
gress pledged to vote against CAM
non and the rules. Some kept this
pledge and some did not.
Unfortunately for the members
the load OF "CAnnCnism" ID not 81
easy to be thrown overheard. Cam
non has been chosen speaker of
the sixty-first congress. This is|
merely the special session Of thgl
congress. Next December begik
the regular session and the follow
ing winter will see the final ses-
sion of this congress, ending March
4, 1911. At all these sessions
Joseph G. Cannon Of Danville, ILL.,.
will preside.
Just at present Serene Payne Of
New York is doomed as the success
sor to Cannon. This Ii because
Payne has stood for the compare
lively lower duties OF the house bill
In the wrangles OF the conferences.
The republican members seem to-
think that anything which Is a lit
tie better than the Aldrich bill Is
enough to make its sponsor a popu.
lar hero. In view of the fact that
the Payne bill Is an upward revic
sion from the Dingley law 1t will
be some time before Serene Payne
can be ranked as a revision down
warder or a progressive republican.
But the unfriends of Cannon see fit
to boom him now for Cannon's
job. >
Meantime the democrats are get
ting ready to elect Champ Clark as
the next speaker. And all the time
Victor Murdoch smiles.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

WASHINGTON, d. c., Aug. D.
The present tariff bill has sealed
the fate of Speaker Cannon. This
is the last OF his term of speaker
ship. W
This announcement comes from
the former friends of the veteran
statesman of Danville, Ill. Il Is not
the threat of Victor Murd0ck's band
of insurrectos. 1t Is the talk of
prominent and hitherto influential
members Of the Cannon organize
tion-mostly members from the
middle west.
Cannon got us into this mess, i"
Is what they say. I'VE never intend
ed to revise the tariff upward. Sec
what Cannon did with the confer
ence committee. We were in favor
of the lower duties of the house
bill. That darned old rascal of .
speaker packed the conference
committee against lower duties and
against Serene Payne, who favored
lower duties. He put Fordney or
Michigan and Calderhead Of Kan
sas on instead of men like Mccall
who came next in order of se-
nority. He is responsible for the
stubborn fight In conference for
the duties of the Aldrich bill. He
is responsible, in fact, for all revi-
sion upward. He betrayed the re-
publican members of the house. He
no longer deserves the members
confidence"
And they will talk this way for
an hour; and in few weeks they
will be back in their districts ours
ing Cannon in all the fervid terms
learned from Cannon's lips.
Which means that Cannon has
been elected to be goat"
BY sacrificing Cannon, it is hoped
by republican members Of the MID,
die west that they may still save
the republican majority of the
house. Something they know has
got to break. Somebody has got to
suffer the consequences OF revision
upward. For quite a while the
prospect has been improving for a
democratic majority in the house.
At such rate has this improvement
SOuc Ou tldt uOW IL ID EcCOSuiLcu
even by the republicans as a moral
certainty unless something
busts."
Cannon Is the first thing to be
hurled into the breech. To change
the metaphor, he is chosen as the
Jonah and Is to be heaved over
board. His colleagues in the house
many Of them his good political
friends in the past and recipients
Of favors at his hands--are alarm
ed at the winds Of popular senti-
ment which are shrieking through
the sails and at the heavy laboring
of the political ship, and they are
convinced that it Is time to throw
something or somebody overheard.
"Cannonism" has been burden
on the party for some time now.
This fact was recognized by TAFT
and Roosevelt duging the last caan-
paign. HitchcOck Wa a1fse " the
fact also. ~ IN
"Cannonism Il NE hsaviest bur
den which we are cotnpeIled to
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02
v I.

/ will resume.
When the sea serpent with the
human arm sticking out of its face
came at me on the float l went
overheard.
Then tainted, expecting to come
to in about the same fix as Jonah
found himself.
But when / did come to l was on
the beach with crowd around mo
and Mr.. Finn in front of me.
He was in a bathing suit and the
sea serpent's hide was draped over
his arm.
From the excited remarks of the
people I quickly got next to what
was what. Mr.. Finn had brought
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

"Tenting Tonight.
Have you slept in a tent alone-a
tent
T Out under the desert sky
Where thousand thousand desert
miles
All silent round you lie?-
The dust of the aeOns of ages dead,
And the. peoples that trampled
by!
-Madge Morris in LippincOtt's
We have tried to sleep in tent
tent
Out under the starry sky
Where a thousand thousand wing
ed things
Noisily round us fly.
But once was completely enough
for us
And we liked to the flat In N. Y.
New York Mail.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

me to shore to keep me from
drowning, and he was also the sea
serpent.
The words of my rescuer wer>
full up of peevishness. Miss Dill
pickles. he said, by fainting just
when l was going to give you a
private view of the marine mon
ster you have grabbed my game
Otherwise might have learned to
love you"
"Mr. Finn" I says, back to your
tank. A sea serpent could never
win heart Of mine"
Then we parted never more to
meet, that Is, If either of us sees
the other first.
THE ENID
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

"In spite O. tn fable, a noise In
a mole hill is entitled ter all tn
wonder 1t arouses. There's nothin'
surprisin' In mountain rumblin'.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

y
is about a grain Of. gold.
Teacher wonder what your
mother would say If she knew how
backward you are in geography.
Girl-Oh, my mother says she.
never learnt jogfry, and she's mar
ried; and Aunt Sally says she never
learnt jogfry and she's married;
and you did, and you amt.
There are 26,OO0,OO0 widows in
India, it is estimated.
Hotel ClerkAJust sign your
name, please. The other guests
would like to register.
Don't you try to hurry me,
young man. don't never sign
nothin' that amt read carefully
In a restaurant the electric lights
were suddenly extinguished. When
they were turned on again after a
few moments lady whispered to
her companion: Somebody kiss
ed mel" Yes. and somebody took
my veal cutlet!" replied the other
bitterly.
Things always 60 wrong II you
| think SO.
The pleasures you have had are
yours. No one can ever take them
away from you.
MANY a woman has ter do her
own washin' because her husbands
partial to suds."
"You know the old say, the devil
wants his due"
Yes. I'm sure that where he
lives he would appreciate little
| dew"
London used to possess the
cheapest journal ever published. 1t
was called The SiX-a-Penny; or,
Penny-a-Week Town and Country
Daily Newspaper. and subscribers
of one penny weekly had the paper
delivered to them every day.
There's no one so bad but has
streak of good in him somewhere.
For that matter, though, did you
ever see anyone so good that you
couldn't suggest few improve,
ments?
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

If you would blind man by
throwing dust in his eyes, use GOLD
dust.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

Fashion is wonderful motive
pows--u makes almost any old
thing go,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

There's no one so bad but has a
streak of good in him somewhere.
For that matter, though, did you
ever see anyone so good that you
couldn't suggest few improve
ments?
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

Happiness is largely Imagination
nut unhappiness is the real thing.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

DR.. coYNE, DENTIST,
Has moved to suites 214 and 215
Empire State building. Phone,
Main 1912. Waiting room with DR..
F. w. Hilscher, oculist.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

why won't you go on the

Jaw, I'm too tired. Let's soak a
few sandwiches in lemonade and
eat 'em on the kitchen floor.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

In every ton of sea water there
is about grain Of. gold.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

"You know the old say, the devil
wants his due"
Yes. I'm sure that where he
lives he would appreciate little
dew"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

MANY a woman has ter do her
own washin' because her husbands
partial to suds."
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-08-02

Billy Robeen Ic1 loaded brah~-4an on the Long Is
land railroad found handbag the other of dia
monds and pearls and money. 1t worth 1000; II
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
SOOTHING OIL CURES the SKIN.
Tender skin of Children SOothed bv n
Mild Liquid Compound.

Have you ever tried a few drops Of an
oil Of wintergreen compound for skin
tTOuble2 II seems TO be about the only
safe and sure cure for eczema salt
rheum. letter. ringwDrm and kindred
diseases
The liquid is so mild that II Is used
with wonderful soothing effect on the
tender skins OF infants.
To prove eficacious, the oil of winter
green must be mixed with thyTnol and
glycerine. as in the Prescription of Dr.. D.
d. Dennis, the eminent skin specialist
The compound Is known as =. d. D. Pre-
scription- Used with D. D. d. Soap it ap-
pears To be infallibie.
a. ]. Brand. 1l2S Joliet St. New Or
leans, La. writes:
About FIVE years ago when my daugb-
ter was about three months old she had
eczema very badly. Her neck was one
solid mass OF sores. and We tried everv-
thing possible to relieve her. but 10 no
purpose. The doctor we called said that
he could cure her. but that it would take
at least two years 10 do so, and on ac-
count Of her age we surely thought
that her pain would Kill her. We began
using d. D. d. Prescription and after
using two bottles she was as well and
happy a child as you can see and with
no mark or scar on her skin.
My youngest daughter. now two years
Old started the same way with a sore
neck about six months ago. We did not
lose any time IN applying D. d. D., and
Il needed only a few applications 10
heal her neck. 7 also use D. D. D. after
shaving with beneficial results.
Drop in at our store and we viii tell
you more about curing eczema with D
D. d Prescription.
Henry Evans. 922-24 F ST NV. and
Peoples Drug Store. So Seventh ST
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
OUTRACES DEATH TO TRAIN.
Operator stops Passenger Train Be-
fore 1t Hits Wreck

IOre II A1llA ~ EeGk-
Baltimore. Nd. March S.-By a heart
breaking sprint over the ties into the
Fulton tunnel. William &. Davis, operator
at the Fulton tower. to-day held I'D the
Washington bound express barely in time
to prevent 1t crashing into the wreck OF
a Western Maryland freight train which
had run away and come to grief at the
Fulton station mouth of the tunnel.
And as Davis stumbled onward the run
away train left the tracks and piled I'D
In a mass Of entangled iron. DESTROYING
the engine and wrecking eleven monster
coal cars.
So, through prompt work by Davis and
the good luck OF the crew Of the coaI
train, not a life was lost nor a person in
iured in one of the worst smashups that
has occurred on The railroads in this sec
ton in long time past. The passenger
train was halted before Il reached the
scene OF disaster, while the engineer.
fireman, conductor. and brakeman of the
coal train leaped before the cars we're
thrown from the track and escaped with
out even bruises
The wreck occurred az $40 o'clock IN
the morning. and for hours thereafter all
tracks 10 the Union Depot were block
AIDED. and trains on the Pennsylvania were
run over the Baltimore and Ohio and
around by Bayveiw Junction. Wreckjne
trains were rushed 10 the scene from all
directions. and over 100 men were put 70
work 20 clear the debris Of cars and coal
which were piled high on the track FOR
almost 100 yards
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09

Elkins. ". Va. March &-Requiring a
widening OF the door TO permit OF the
coffin being removed from the house. and
the united efforts OF ten strong men to
lift the casket. the largest corpse ever
handled in POcahOntas, an adjoining
county. was that of Len Draper, colored.
who. al the time OF her death al Marlin
ton yesterday. weighed 447 pounds. With
a corpse Of such proportions it became
necessary 10 make a coffin measuring six
feet IN length, three feet IN width. and
twenty-three inches in depth. Prepared
for transportation. the body, which was
shipped TO Covington, Va, for burial
weighed fully 500 pounds.
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
SEASON STARTS NEXT WEEK
University of Virginia Meets Wood
berry Baseball Team.
Lineup of CharIOttesvIIIe Collie
Eiuns AnnOunced-The Pitching
staff Looks Good.
- % rhr wn,hinrtnn 80.

Special to The Washington Herald.
University of Virginia. Charlottesville.
March S.-With the beginning Of the
baseball season little more than a week
off. Virginia's aggregation Of ball tossers
are fast rounding into championship form
The prospects Tor an excellent spring Of
this sport. with a gOOdly string or vic
tories to the credit Of the varsity. seem
TO he bright. and the team OF 1900 viii
uphold Virginia's supremacy in Southern
collegiate athletics.
The first game OF the season will be
played next Monday when the orange
and Blue viii play WoOdberry Forest on
Lambeth Field Woodberry always has a
strong team. and on more than one occa-
sion has come very near defeating the
varsity.
Coach Reid has been busy preparing
his first cut. which is to be made soon
The lineup for the opening game will
probably be the following. with a few
changes: Pearson. catcher. CuIbertson or
Stratton. pitcher; H0naRer. shortstop;
Dabney. first base; Blakeney. second
base: Hon (captain). third base
III lle O4LltlQ LlLCe men VIII De Sc
lected out Of the following: Hume. Caba-
Miss, Stanton. Lille. and Strong. This
team. together with a very strong scrub
team. has been pracucing daily for some
time past Five-inning games have been
played almost daily until the bad weather
OF the last few days. and the new men.
as we'll as the old ones. have shown up
remarkably we'll
The entire team has been hitting rather
light. but IL is thought that with the
coming OF the warm weather and more
practice several OF them who look like
varsity material will get their batting
eye and be able to connect with the
curves Of any Of the formidable box art
lists that win be pitted against Virginia
The team viii need several good hitters.
and Coach Reid is giving much attention
20 this part OF the game. The pitching
staff looks good from every standpoint,
and Walker bids fair 10 be al his best
Stratton and Culberts0n are developing
rapidly while Douglas and Wilmer are
also showing up well. The squad includes
many brilliant fielders. both for Outfeld
and infeld.
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
Special Notice
To Fat People.

Il am giving you here the only pre-
scription known that win safely, surely.
and quickly reduce your fat to normal %
said DR.. Jones to his fat afflicted patient.
Besides, il will at the same time great
ly build up your muscular strength and
health
Go to the drug store, get a package OF
Rengo. You eat it Ike fruit or candy
and easily and safely reduce your fat a
pound a day"
There Is nothing Just as good" as
Rengo- For sale by all druggists at S100
per fuli-sized box, or by mail prepaid
by the Rengo Co. SOD Rengo Bldg, De-
troit Mich The company viii gladly
send you trial package free by mail II
you write them direct 20 Detroit; no free
packages at drug stores.
kengo is for sale and recommended in
Washington by II. Evans 924 r st. NV.
Aideeks Drug Store. 1429 Penna. ave
NV Peoples Drug Store, S24 Seventh ST.
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
I.eagnc Remains Intnct.
Al 70 me Washington Herald.

SPECIAL 70 The Washington Herald
Cumberland. Nd. March S-The Penn
sylvania and West Virginia Baseball
League viii remain intact All six clubs
Fairmont. Clarksburg. Grafton. Union
town, Charleroi. and Connellsyille. each
posted $500 forfeit There had been some
doubt about Connellsville. but at the
last moment II came 10 time. disap-
pointing Parkersburg, which had hoped to
get the place. The bin IN the West Vir-
ginia legislature to stop Sunday baseball
failed 10 pass. and as a result the fans in
Fairmont and Clarksburg are greatly en-
couraged. sunday baseball pulls those
clubs out
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
MRS HARRISON WINS SUIT.
Limited DivOrce Is Granted, with
aIfmOny Of $40 a Month.

BECAUSE Mrs. Mary T. Harrison, sec
ond Uife OF Arthur W. Harrison, was
forced by her husband TO make written
anolocies to him and TO leave her home
on account OF his exaetions and intoler-
ance she has been granted a limited di-
vorce with alimony. by a decree Of Jus
tiee Barnard, OF the District Supreme
Court.
The court holds the actions Of the hus-
hand amounted to desertion. An order
viii be made out later 'hxing anmony at
s.o month. AS Mr.. Harrison is now
navine S.5 a month 20 his first wife. VINO
was awarded decree for deseruon. his
total bill per month will be Sll5.
Mr.. Harrison had filed suit for limited
divorce for cruelty. charging his wife with
Stamping his face and pulling his hair.
Mrs. Harrison denied the allegations and
filed a cross BILL She declared her nus
band required her 20 go down on her
knees for words used IN petty quarreis.
and that after she had apol0gized he
would not allow her 10 speak 10 him for a
stated period Of time Attorney John r.
I.askey appeared for the wife.
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
ARMY AND NAVY.
Army Orders.

First Lieut. JAMES GOETHE. having completed
his duty before the general ootr1 martial az
Philadelphia. VII proceed 10 San Francisco 10
join regiment in the PHILIPPINES
Capt. JAMES K. PARSONS Twentieth Infantrv
viii assume charge Of construction work az the
PresidiO Of Monterey. Cal. rclieTing Capt
WILLIAM Il. T. CHAPMAN. Twentieth In
fantry.
MAJ. DAVID NJ. KING. Ordnance Department
wiz make not TO exceed three visits 10 the
works Of the Western Cartridge Company. East
Alton III
The following changes in the assignment Of OH
GERS Of the Coast Artillery Corps are ordered;
First Lieut.. WADE H. CARPENTER. now IN
assigned, is attached 70 the Nlnety-uinth Com
parry.
First Lieut.. LOUIS L. PENDLEToN is placed on
The unassigned list. He viii report at the Ar
tllcry District Of Mobile.
Paragraph 2 Special Orders No. 50. March ; 1902
is amended 10: By direction Of the President
Capt CHARLES r. REYNOLDS Medical
Corrs. is detailed a member Of the army re-
firing hoard appointed 10 meet in Washington
for service during the consideration Of the cases
of Col. RICHARD T. TEATAIAN. Eleventh
Infantry. and Mai. WALLIS %. CLARK Fifth
Infantry. vice Maj. FRANCIS A. WINTER
Medical Corps
Mai. BENJAMIN W. ATKINSON. Fourth In
fantry. recruiting officer. Philadelphia upon his
next Official visit to Reading Pa. viii proceed
10 Mauch Chunk for the purpose Of getting
evidence 20 complete the trial Of an enlisted
man
By direction Of the President. First Lieut. ED
WARD I. RAINS. Twentieth Infantry is
dropped from the rolls of the army for desertion
Mas ALFRED +. BRADLEY. HENRY &
FISHER. and HENRY A. SHAW. Medical
Corps, vii proceed from jefferson Barracks
Mo-. 70 Fort Soclm. \. y. for the purpose Of
Investigating various articles Of equipment.
Leave Of absence for SIX months IN surgeons CIR
tihcate Of disability With permission n 20 be
yond the sea, is granted Brig Gen. JOHN J.
PERSHING. Z. S. A.
Leave of absence fer four months Is granted Col
ENOCH II. CROWDBR. Judge advocate.
Leave of absence for twenty-five DAYS Is granted
Second Lieut. RALPH TALBOT. IT.. Twelfth
Cavalry.
Cart. JOSEPH MATS0N. Coast ARTILLERY Corps
is relieved from treatment at the general hos
pitaL
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
LEGISLATURE NEARS END.
North Carolina SOIoBs VIII Com
pIete Work Tonight.

Special % The Wsshilgtol Herald
Raleigh. y c.. March S-when the
sixty-hrst days work Of the general as
sembIy OF North Carolina began this
morning. the general understanding was
that the work or the session OF 1873 VIII
be completed by tomorrow night. by the
continuation OF the practice which has
held good FOR the last week Of holding
three sessions daily
The constitutional llIuit OF sixty days
with paw having expired yesterday the
lawmakers are serving without compen-
sation this week-that IS. the majority OF
them are; for. as usual. considerable
proportion packed their grips and hiked
out for home the minute the pay stopped.
At Saturday nights session ot the house
"a was evident that fully one-fou-th Of
the representative had gone away. and
in the senate there were a dozen empty
chairs. The absentees had excuses.
The attentioa OF those who have IN
derstOOd that the position or lieutenant
governor Is a mere -figure-Lead-- IS
called 20 the important part in leslsla-
ton during the session now closing
which Lieut.. Gov NeWland has taken as
the ex-ofieio presiding officer Of the sen
ate. He has Just cast for the seventh
time. the deciding vote on some OF the
most important bills. The last one be
ing the state highway con mission bill
defeating 81
q was President Newla1d's casting a
vote 10 break the tie in the case Of the
bin 10 nunify the new rule put in force
by the railroads. By which holders OF
mileage books (they now being inter
changeable on all the roads, are re-
Quired 10 exchange mileage strips for
tickets az the station agents windows
before entering trains. which defeated
that proposed law.
The Washington herald., 1909-03-09
PAYS BIG MUD TAX .
Bad Roads Cost Virginia 100000
Yearly, Says Withers.

oItclaI . Ine v lIngton htrald-
SUffolk, Va, March S-The Nansemond
County Good Roads Association was or
sanized here to-day with the following
officers: Lorenzo Deons. president Frank
Wright. Claude r. Minton, Francis r.
Ellenor. c. A. Shoop and W. O PeeIe.
vice presidents: Edward ". Smith. secre-
tary and treasurer. Addresses were made
by Robert W. Withers. president. and
Charles T. LaSsiter, vice president OF the
State Good Roads Association.
Withers said Virginia now IS paving
more than 100000 a year mud tax"
LassiteT declared road convicts are
healthier and happier than those con-
fined. Out Of 500 road workers none
died within year. while in the peni-
tertiary there were twenty-five deaths