davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
A Study In Anatomy.

The brain is the headquarters of the
trail offices of the Anatomical Tele-
phone company.
When the suburban nerve center
says. Hello, central" the brain either
replies What number:' or busy or
"Out Of order" as the case may be.
Sometimes the wires are crossed ana
the company fails 10 declare any divi-
dendS, thus placing the entire brain III
the hands of Il receiver.
From the brain issues the spine.
which is sometimes useful in Imatrimo-
ly. although rarely strong enough in
man for practical purposes and con
stantiy growing weaker the longer he
is married
On top of the head the hair grows.
or is supposed to. In some cases, how
ever it fails to Srow despite the most
p"instaking efforts.
III ladies there are two kinds of hair
viz. the imported and domestic. In
gentlemen also two kindS-namely.
permanent and transient The perma-
nent is seen in wild men. the transient
i'll civilized men when young.
vt one time all the hairs were care
fully numbered, but the practice has
been discontinued owing to great pres
sure Of other matters LippiIcott's.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
A Great Mystery.

There is one great mystery in Gods
uLiyerse-sOmewhe flows a fountain
Of life. where is one of Gods secrets
How far its waters flow we cannot
tell No human feet have tracked it's
creams i'll their wanderings. The Fa-
Tier has deareed that we must drink
Of it to live. and yet he blinds our
eyes with sleep before he lets US
drink. When we awake the strength
Of the stream is in us. and so we make
the journey of the day And the
strange waters have strange powers
Soul darkness and despair are melted
in them; fear and trouble shrivel; hope
and strength are held in sweet solu-
ton in their wakes. Worn and weary
with the care and fret. closing her
eyes rs the tired lids fall in the gloom
Of night. the faint mother slips into
the stream of sleep. and then in little
while the morning comes, and a new
woman looks out upon the day with
the secret of new creation in her
soul. new power ard courage born Of
the waters of life.-Sturgis Ky.)
NewSDemocrat
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
The Law of Gravitation,

In 1GO9-seventy-se years before
the publication of Newton's "Princi7
pia" - Shakespeare in the play of
''TroiluS and Cressida." act 4. scene 2.
makes one Of his characters say:
Do to this body what extremity you can.
But the strong base and building of my
Is as the very center of the earth.
Drawing all things to it.
This would seem to look very like
the announcement Of the law Of crawl
ty, and yet nothing can possibly be
truer than the fact that the great poet
did not in any substantial sense antici-
pate the philosopher. Between Shake
speare's fancy and the scientific tri-
umph Of Newton there is an infinite
diTerence.-New York American.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Fifty Dollar Dinners.

Dinners at $50 plate are as COM
mon in New York as five dollar din
ners are in London and Paris" said a
chef Our extravagant dinners are
no better than the cheaper foreign
ones. Their cost is caused not by the
exquisite cooking Of exquisite materi-
als, but by the use Of exotic foods
whose expense Is their chief recon-
mendation. What do | mean by eX-
otto foods? Well. mean cane sugar
instead Of the ordinary beet root kind
for the compete; mean wild rice in
stead of the cultivated for the canvas
back; mean sole brought alive from
England and sterlet from Russia. when
our own native fish Is better condi-
toned; l mean dollhouse strawber-
ries as big as apples, pears as big as
cocoanuts and grapes as big as peaches,
all tasting rather like raw pumpkin,
but looking very fine In blizzard
weather. Foolish foods; but. then,
it's only foolish people who eat fifty
dollar dinners. "-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
A Busy Holiday.

"Naw, l don't think Jimmy IL BE
stayin' long Oh this new job he's took
up wid," said Mrs. Heriihy. IT'S too
hard fer him. Sure. he gets no rist
at ali from Monda' mornin' till Sathur
da' night. ana it's not what the mans
used to-
He has his Sundays to rist In"
haZarded the caller boldly.
An what o that" said Mrs Herli-
by. "On SUNDAYS be has to go to
church an take the children to their
grandmama's an visit wild his coosins
an all-'tis 40 rist at ALL"
Twas wan Gay out of livery fortnit
, he had w:d the ould job, want it,"
quericd the caller.
1T was" said Mrs Herlihy. IAN
I twas a grand vacation he had. I'd
save livery bit O. the washn'. and he'd
wiring it out fine an hang it on the
line for me: thin he'd saw an shplit
wood enough to last till the mkt vaca-
ton day, an he'd bate livery mat in
the house an shine up the faucets an
the bilcr an wash the windys. an
thcre'd always be some little extra
help. drivin' nails or the like, he cud
give me.
An whin he'd go to his bed at
night he'd niver fail to say to NE.
Well. Celia. my vacation day is over.
but feel like it's made me ready to
go back to wurrk tomorrer,' he'd say"
YOUTHS Companion.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
The Father Pipeiish.

"The best IF fathers is the ripefSh."
said an angler. lie matches the little
pipefiSh. and after they are hatched
he carries them about with him till
they can take care Of themselves
This fish has under his tail Il sac.
In it he bears the ripefish spawn.
Thus the spawn hatch in perfect
safety. Toy a"e net Geci.natod lie
the other f, h &r'HWH ling unprotected
on the bottom If the sea by every
hungry passcrly No: they all hatch.
every one of them.
AS soon rs they hatch the father fish
splits, CT nature splits for him. the
sac, and all the lit" ti"h drnp cut into
the sea. but they elm" to papa. Whcr-
ever he gees. like Z cray cloud these
thousands of tiny SocS ard daughters
surround him. ard on he Approarh Of
danger they pep hack AGAIN into the
sac just as baby kan~ar0cS pop into
the sac. CT marsuri2l pouch, Of their
mamma.
THE male pinefsh is. in fact. the
female kangaroo of the sea"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
wills and ESrnund kcen.

Irving used to tell wi \ dramatic Of
feet stCry about W. G.. Wills. the
dramatist. who, among other services.
wrote for him the play Charles l.
When wills was boy ten years cid
he was taken to see Edmund Ke2n
play Macbeth. In the murder scene
he was so affected by the realistic
power of the actor that. seized with Il
severe attack of nausea. he hurried
from the bGX. Ten years later lie WAS
lunching at a chop house in Fleet
street when q man entered. sat down
at table near him and ordered q
meal He was n perfect stranger to
Wills. who. after few minutes pro-
pinquity. was again seized with fit
Of nausea. from which be had not suf
fercd since as 4 boy he was at the
theater en- the occasion mentioned lie
was obliged to leave the room When
some minutes later he paid his bill the
waiter said to him: Did you see that
gentleman at the table near you?
That's Edmund Kean."-H. W. Lucy
in Cornhill Magazine.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
An Ertic.imax.

81 just dropped in to thank you for
that medicine you sent home by my
wife last night" said the grateful pa
tent grasping the doctor warmly by
the hand 1--we been laid up of and
on for years. have tried all the patent
medicines Oh the market and been
treated by every doctor in the neigh
borhood. but your medicine was the
only thing that ever did me any good"
Its a pleasure to have you come
here to tell me this" replied the doc
ter. hi%hly elated. Most Of my pa
tients are not so thoughtful. But that
prescription is my pet favorite. and I
never yet knew it TO fail to cure a
cough if taken in time
Cough" echoed the patient. why,
! didn't take it for my cold. | used it
as Eminent for my rheumatism"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
"Humb!e Pie"

Originally the term humble pie
carried no opprobrious meaning. The
pie was one made out of the "hum-
bles" or "numbles." from the Norman
French "nombrils'- e., the entrails
of IL deer. To this day it is highly es-
teemed in Scotland and in northern
parts of England So late as the time
OF Pepys tumble pie" was served as
part of the menu of gentleman's ia
bic on an extraordinary occasion. Some
writer's derive the contumelious use Of
the phrase Ito eat humble pie" from
an alleged custom OF serving tumble
pie" below the salt, Or at the second
table. But this is not supported by
authority. 1t more probably came into
use simply through the similarity of
sound. there being no similarity OF
meaning whatever between the noun
umbles or numbles and the adjective
humble
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
The Auctioneer's Hourqlass,

An auctioneer of Philadelphia col
lects all sorts Of objects pertaining to
his ancient calling. He has. among
other things an interesting set Of auc-
tioneers' hOurglasses. The auctioneer
century or so ago concluded a sale
not by saying Going. going. gonew
and rapping the counter with his ham,
mer. but it was his better method to
turn up free running glass toward
the end Of the bidding and to end the
sale frrevocably when the sand ran
out. This saved confusion and dis
pute. The auctioneers' glasses in the
Philadelphia collection are picturesque
One is Of tortoise shell and mother-of-
pearl. Another is Of amber and gold
A third is of teak and ivory.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Moral COURAGE,

a schOolteacher once told her class
that the courage which makes US do
whit we think right. regardless Of the
sncers of others. was moral courage.
the best kind.
Then if boy has a box Of candy.
like me Yesterday" said a lad. land
if he eats it all himself, without giving
any to people that have no right to it.
no matter how much they call him
mean and stingy. that there's moral
courage. amt it. teacher?"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Appropriate.

A clergyman went to have his teeth
fixed by a dentist. When the work
was done the dentist declined to &C.
cept more than nominal fee. The
parson. in return for this favor, insist
ed later on the dentist accepting a vol
ume of the reverend gentleman's own
writing 1t was disquisition on the
Psalms. and on the fly leaf he had in
scribed this appropriate quotation:
And my mouth shall show forth thy
praise"-Harper's Weekly.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Lucky.

"Benoit. did you break the water
bottle:"
Yes. madame. but fortunately l
broke it into only three pieces"
fortunately. How's that fortu-
nate
oh madame. when 4 thing breaks
into many pieces it is SO hard to pick
them all up"-Paris Journal
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Gave Him a Pointer.

George AIDE was once stranded in a
small town. He went into the bar
ber's shop to get shaved and endured
even unto the end. When the barber
had completed his operation the hu-
morist arose and, putting handker
chief to his face. said gravely:
"Sir. you have missed your vocation.
You ought to be an oyster opener"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
The Time Not Ripe.

Anxious PatrOn-Doctor. don't you
think you'd better call in some other
physicians for consultation? Family
Doctor (cheerfully)-Oh, no: not yet
There is still some hope.-New York
Weekly.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16

symptoms" hays MIR. J. S. Eggleson,
OF Maple Landing, Iowa. Knees
and joints aching, muscles sore, head
stopped up, eyes and nose running,
with alternate spells of chills and
fever. We began using Chamberlain
Cough Remedy aiding the same with
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Never Gives Up.

II just had to marry him. He told
me he never gave up anything he
loved"
"Well. it's good to have a husband
who loves one"
Eyes. but l have learned that he
loves money also."-Houston Post.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
The Producer,

Does your husband play poker:"
Il don't know" answered young
Mrs. Torl;inS. From what | hear he
simply sis up to the table and enjoys
seeing other people contend for what
he puts Washington Star.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Corrected,

Miss Kitty-Before you were mar
ried, Mrs. Blunt. did your husband
bring you many flowers? Mrs. Blnnt
i didn't have any husband before I
was married, dear.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Bad Attack of the Grip completely
Knocked Out

"Some weeks ago during the severe
winter weather both my wife and
myself contracted severe colds which
speedily developed into the worst
kind OF the grip with all it's miserable
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
An Impediment.

"It looks as though my marriage
with Miss Mullins would have to be
postponed"
whats the matter, old fellow?"
"She got married to young Dobson
yesterday"
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Chemistry kinderoarten.

Bobby-ls oxygen what oxen breathe
all day? Papa-Of course. and what
everything else breathes. Bobby-And
is nitrogen what every one breathes at
night?
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Endurance Test.

What do they mean by an endur-
ance teSt?'
Two chaps Dragging about their re-
spective makes of automobile. LOU
iSville Courier-Journal.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16
Gallant,

Beautiful Widow-Do you know, I'm
forty years old today?"
Gallant Bachelor-Madam, you are
twenty. l never believe more than
half Of what | hear
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16

a dose of Chamberlain Stomach
and Liver Tablets, and by its HDera'
use soon completely knocked out tho
grip" For sale by Columbia Phar'
macy.
Wanted-Typewriter to work part
the time. Omar W. Rich Inv Co
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16

The blessedness or misery Of old
age is often but the extract of our past
life.-De Maistre.
The Kennewick courier. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1905-1914, 1909-04-16

Pessimism leads to weakness: op-
timism leads to power.-William
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
PRIEST. HARAHAN
OF !. G. PASSING
THROUGH TONIGHT

Paducah will be honored by a
short visit this afternoon from J.
T. Harahan. president. and +. B.
Hartman. general manager. OF the
Illinois Central railroad. The off,
clals Will arrive from Cairo at $50
o'clock and after short stop viii
proceed TO Louisville. A. II. Egan.
superintendent OF the Louisville
division; G.. II. Groee. superin-
tendent OF telegraph and telephones;
l.. +. McCabe. assistant suDerintend-
ent OF the Louisville division. arrived
last night from Louisville to meet
the Chicago officials. Mr.. Grooe left
this morning for Fulton and up to
Cairo, hut may return tonight.
The visit OF the officials will not
affect the shops in any way yet. al
though Il Is considered their visit VIII
be In the interest OF putting the tele-
phone system into operation for hand
ling trains. Mr. Groce. who has
charge OF the installation. this morn
ing said that the telephones on the
Louisville division would be put into
operation next week, while the teie-
phones on the Paducah district will
be placed IN operation the FIRST week
in June. The line is practically ready
now. although much experimental
work has been done on IL. The Off
clals have tried TO adopt the best in
every instance. and every change has
been tried. The system VIII not be
put into use all at once. as the Off
cials desire 10 break the employees
Into Il gradually. AT first only ness
ages will be sent. and as they learn
how to handle the instruments better
the telephone will be used for hand
ling the trains.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
COUNTY SCHOOL
GRADUATES WILL
ATTEND CHURCH

The baccalaureate sermon for the
graduates of the county schools Will
be preached tomorrow afternoon at 3
O'Clock at the Lone Oak Methodist
church by the Rev. NJ. e. Dodd, pas
tor OF the First Baptist church. For
the occasion a large crowd is expect
ed, and the new church no doubt will
crowded to overlooking. This year
there are 45 members of the GRADUATE
ing class. the largest in the history
of the county schools.
Miss Mamie Bagwell is president
of the class. Miss Ruby Black is the
secretary. Miss Bagwell is also the
salutatorian. Munier Ragsdale is the
valedictorian. The class motto is
Push on" The class Is divided into
two divisions. the first division hav-
Ing finished in January and the Sec
ond in May. The class roll Is: Fay
Sullivant, Bessie Ola Bumpous, Lii
Han Smith, Ruth Childress, Bedott
Russell. Bessie Smith, Zena Bagwell.
Jettie Buchanan, Willie Hite, Baker
Jett. Eddie Tucker, Halle Frazier.
Annie Lanes Gerald LOTUS. Munier
Ragsdale, Edward Moss, Mamie Bag
well, Elwyn Stewart. Ohio Shaffer.
Carrie Williams. Roy Stewart, Blonda
Burrow, Pearl Page, Emmett Sher-
ron, Louis Riglesberger, Ernest Leon
ard, Thomas Farthing. Brantly Boaz.
Mallie Tapp. Addle Elliott. koffett
Rountree. Lawrence Foth, Curtis
Flint. Leah Reddick, Ivy Ezell, Mark
Smith, Ruby Black. Stanly Phipps,
George Jones. Raymon Rountree.
Mary Perkins. Roy Ross. Annabel
Fisher. Ina Kelley, Raymond Chill
dress.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
Attorney Dennis Mocquot Re-
ceives List Of Speakers As.
signed by Program Com
mittee.

Attorney Dennis Mocquot. member
OF the program committee OF the
State Bar association. has received
the following list OF speakers for the
meeting here July and 8:
Principal address by Hon. George
w. Wickersharl. attorney general OF
the United States. He will select his
own subject, but has not yet an
nounced e.
Hon. John S. Lassing. OF the Ken
lucky court OF appeals. "Distlnctlon
Between Judicial and Legislative
Functions"
Hon. Robert L. Stout, OF Versailles.
circuit Judge. where the Law Fails"
Mr., Henry Burnett. of Louisville,
'Kentucky's Contribution to Jurls-
prudence"
Mr.. William Ayers. OF Plneyllle.
Land Titles In Kentucky"
Mr. Montgomery Merritt. OF Hen
derson. Future OF Our Profession"
All OF these subjects viii be open
for general discussion after the ad-
dress Is delivered by the selected
speaker.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
ALDRICH TARIFF
BILL ATTACKED
BY SEN. ELKINS

Washington. May 22.-senator Aid
rich today asked the senate to fix
June 2 as the date to take the final
vote on the passage of the tariff bill
Senator Daniel objected and the mat
ter went over.
The attention Of some southern
senators has been attracted 10 the
peculiar situation in regard to the
suggested tariff on cotton seed oil.
which was Indignantly respected by
Them the other day. Aldrich offered
10 mt a tax On the oil. Some south
ern senators said 1t needed no OBJ
lection. II Is now discovered that
miles, the bin n changed, in future
oil will be taxable under the basket
clause % per cent ad valorem.
sbarp criticism of the Aldrich hiIl
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
HIGH OFFICERS
OF K. c. COMING
TO INITIATION
Initiation Of Hundred Candi.
dates Promised Here for
June 6.
Fancy Farm Will Have Coun.
Gil Of Its Own.
WILL BE INSTALLED THEN.

Preparations are under way for a
big day for the knights of Columbus
Sunday, June 6, when. a large class
of candidates will be initiated into the
mysteries of the order. For the oc-
casion the Paducah lodge will prepare
for a reception of the visitors. some
of whom will be distinguished men of
the state. The complete arrange
ments have not been made, but will
be completed Rext week, and the pro-
gram announced.
A class of. nearly Loo members
will be initiated from Fancy Farm,
and a new lodge instituted. Practical
ly the lodge has been organized. but
the Initiation work will be done by
the Paducah lodge. In addition
large class OF candidates from Padu-
cab will be made members. In the
morning the members and visitors
will march to st. Francis de Sales
church, where special services will be
held. In the afternoon the Initiation
work will be done. In the evening a
banquet will be served with covers
spread for about 200.
Judge Matt O'Dougherty. OF Louis.
Vile. p. II. Callahan, district deputy
and HIS stan of Louisville; J. J. Cav
annaugh, of Louisville; G. L. Drury,
Of Morganfleld, are some of the lead
ing men who have consented to at
tend. They will be on the program
for toasts. The POSTMASTER has not
been selected. Visitors from all of
the surrounding towns and cities are
expected. and several hundred visit
ing members will be In attendance.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
Two Candidates Out

The small interest evinced in the
Democratic primary and the refusal
OF the great majority Of the party.
who oppose Daye Cross for re-elec-
ton. has encouraged two Republicans
to make try for the nomination.
Thomas ~ Hazelip today announces
his candidacy for the nomination. in
opposition to John ]. Dorian, who an
nounced several weeks ago.
The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-05-22
PRESDYTERIANS,;
ASSEMBLIES MEET
In THREE PLACES
Prayer For Deliyerance Of
Congo Free State and
Divorce Evil.
Cumberlands Will Meet at
Dickson, Tenn.
CHURCH ORGANIZED THERE.

Savannah, Ca, May 22.--In a reso
luton and an amendment TO II adopt
ed by the general assembly OF the
Southern Presbyterian church, Presi-
dent Taft Is asked to use his influ-
ence with the Belgian government to
have postponed the trial OF two
American missionaries In the Congo.
who are charged with "calumnious
Idenunciation" of the Kassai, a rubber
company in which King Leopold is a
principal stakeholder, and then to see
to II that the missionaries are prop
eriy represented.
The resolution proper appoints
May %. Sunday. day of special
prayer for the deliverance OF the mis-
sionaries. Rev. DIR. William w. Morri-
son and Rev. DIR. w. II. Sheppard,
from any miscarriage Of justice
under the forms OF law. and also for
the dellverancc OF the people OF
Congo Free State from the hand OF
the oppressor."
Dr. Il. NJ. Green, OF Danville, Va,
introduced the resolution, and ID. S.
Henderson, OF Aiken, s. c., the
amendment. which embodies to APP
peal to the president. One of the
leading opponents to the amendment
was Dr. c. w. Grafton, of Mississippi,
who stated that II was contrary to
the church policy TO appeal to the
civil authorities; that the assembly Is
ecclesiastical strictly. and that the
proper representations had already
been made TO the government.
Rev. Richard Orme Flynn, Of At
lanta, read from the church articles
of government. which provide that
no appeal shall be made to civil au-
thorities except in the form of an
humble petition and IN extraordinary
cases. He urged that the amendment
was humble and the case extraordi-
nary.
The vote was taken and showed the
younger men OF the assembly lined
up behind the amendment. Some Of
the older heads were opposed to IL.
R. c. Reed. OF Columbia. S. c.,
was heard on "Calvin's Contribution
to the Reformation. and last night
II. c. Johnson. OF Richmond. Va. on
"Calvln's Contribution TO Church
Policy"
The membership of the standing
committees Of the assembly was an
nouneed.