The Washington herald., 1909-04-25

express train, preferably in the act or
jumping the track, says the Philadelphia
Public Ledger
As for William Morris, he translated
the odyssey. with All the celestial airs
Of the I0niaa Sea" included. no extra
charge. while rushing about helter-skelter
n trains. Anthony TroIlope likewise.
used 10 go on in that way. And ". ".
Jacobs says that the country Is TOO dull
and the city too exciting. And
But let US turn to the American author.
Let Us find out how he works.
4 George Ade. 10 wit. Surely. he desires
sF-bustle and turmoil and confusion and all
that sort OF thing.
Let US see. Horrors!
When seen on his Indiana farm. this is
what he said:
"secIusion. Quiet Poetic surround
ings, 10 the greatest possible extent.
Zephyrs assorted
Those are the four things which I alb
solutely had 10 have around me before I
could produce a fable in slang. I used
10 HE me from the brstle and roar Of
grimy Chicago 10 q certain beautiful Illi-
nois dell. worthy Of the most lyrical
rhapsOdies Of a wordsworth. which I
hired by the month. There. one day.
after contemplating a violet for seven
hours and thirty-five minutes, I sighed
thrice and -penned this trifie-redolent. IS
II not2-of thyme and golden rod:
THE Fable OF the Splieed Male, Who
Thought He Could and Got His
once upon q time there was He
Thing who. figured that he could put the
j. narr
that logic. administered in suitable doses,
would make better half look like a
submerged tenth. He reasoned that
mans superior intellect was bound 70 win
out In the matrimonial Marathon. that
Ehe one place for a wife. in a properly
conducted discussion was the middle OF
next week He passed this out 10 q
group of friends. who all agreed with
him and applauded. and said that he had
the proper idea for running a successful
hearth
Then he ordered another.
when he got home he made a su-
preme effort TO say. Good evening, dear
without causing any casualties among /
the consouants. but she was on, and in I
tiunated that he was not suffering from /
drought.
He meant to rejoin that Il was none /
Of her business. that he was king Of his I
Qnovements, and that her proper sphere /
II activity for the tine being was the I
evening meal. What he said was How /
is your cOld2
Then she talked 10 him for one hour 1
and ffty-seven minutes. When ne came 4
n he was in an expensive millinery shop 4
pricing the latest spring fashions in
hanging gardens.
Moral: To speak 10 woman, hold /
her tongue -
As ar Adp finished he sighed once more /
and pinned q rose on himself. Then he
looked pensiveiy over his typewriter at
the heavens
There is something sweet about yOn 4
blue vault amt there?" he queried pen Z
siveIv
y And sne5er che influence Of the-gentle /
sspring airand the thousand and one other I
things calling 10 poetic thought. he began I
10 mumoIe-
once upon time there was circu- I
lating haberdashery store. who sized him +
self up as third rail among the skirt +
brigade So he applied an extra curl 70 4
the fOreI0ck, hooked himself 10 the near 4
est replica Of the Cullinan diamond, let /
The handkerchief dangle coyiy over the
SA-E VI ~--r E-t-4-I- ------ ,t.--NN- -tt--- ~ \
DO execution lie
But we had an appointment with Henry 4
James. So eG we went, leaving Ade, his 4
Sves suffused with tears, sweeping the i
air with hrs hands.
We found Henry James going down for
the third tine in the midst OF one Of his 4
sentences. Rescuing him with difficulty /
from between two large man-eating par
entheticaI clauses. We managed 20 revive 7
him. He thanked Us-at least We think
so.
How CO you work." We asked.
What. young man he said unctuous-
IS. IF I nay presume TO ask, and. in so
doing make all allowances for the posi-
bIv unjustifed character of your desire
for information. To say nothing Of the
haunting fear in ne that YOU have never
been in London-Or OJherwise-did you vO-
clferate2"
How DO you work. Doubtless. 10 give
~the proper Madness TO your sinuosities
tyOu need dBiet-rest-a den, We suggest
ed. ingratiatingly-
II may venture 70 say 50. Oh, boshr'
CALCULATED the crystal maze Of literature.
There is .n0thinE-Or little-lfke hurry. in
its rapider sense. for him who would daily
with the intricacies. properly considered
as such. though not necessarily OF the
written word ahemI Have you Gig
arette2 Thank YOU Why. listen. youth
.'Do you know" he continued, how
wr0te-bv- that mean penned, although,
10 tell the truth. 7 used a pencil on the
occasion. and not a typewriter, Do You
know how I wrote my famous opening
s6ntence to 'CircumlOcutia Chatter my
seqeeI to Daisy MilIerT Not? To Wit.
then Il
And no began To quote-
Not standing. so 10 speak. Yet subtIy
falling. in a sense. and likewise. in two
others. possibly in three. 10 lie down,
though equally far from leaning on any
thing, we mean that losing Of the perpen-
dicular without directly assuming the I
horizontal compaSsed. most frequently,
with the aid Of contiguous furniture
sometimes. TOO. I fear with that Of lamp
posts. thiS latter. mostly in the smaller
hours and larger cities-sitting. IN short 1.
in the embTaSUre Of window. partly
BAY. partly not. attractive, yet suggesting.
in its subtle waiting Of nonessentials.
vveIl-to-do-neSs without. necessarily, any
admixture OF chic-sitting there. con-
found II. I must be diDpy. was a-how
SaH I express E?-yOu see she was
frenty-eight and half. yet by no means
furrowed as 10 the brOW-aheHl-Iet Il 20
at-was a girl Her name was-NIaud7
Louise la. hal have YOU going
cuees aeainLNasturtium7 -Bedelia2-no.
nothing Of the sort Her name was cIo-
rinda Time
Henry James paused and wiped the per
spiratiou from cur brow.
Where do you suppose I wrote that?''
he inquired,
eTn. II we may say so. a padded-o1Jt
With it-ceIli" We babbled. incoherently.
No he said. triumphantly; ''fn swim
I1sins- h
We led precipitatelv. and ran for miles,
until -Te suddenly met Robert " Cham