New-York tribune., 1909-03-14
HIGHER NATHENATICS.

China is about to have a census. Ana there
is considera BILE sense in the idea. The Chinese
have remained unc0unted long enough 4heS
have been multiplying over there III olIen'"i
seclusion while Occidental nations nave risen
out of obscurity. scared through the zenith OF
mower and descended like spent thlnese
rocket to take their places among he HaS
beens'' in the burying ground OF the hatlons'
while the ancestors of a major portion OF the
American people were as one writer mas sdIu'
knocking down their dinners with club IN
s+aad Of knocking at the clubs for their din
pers as they do now the ancestor OF the
gentleman who puts the saw edges on your
collars and gives YOU an imitation OF the
muddy edge of a duck pond as counterslgh Ill
exchange for your laundry bundle was prac-
tisiny many of the arts of civilization as IL ne
had known them all his life.
But in the mean time he hadn't been counted
The idea had never occurred TO MN lhat the
number Of him was essential. He paid his
taxes TO the official, and the official maze
fefnt at turning them over to the government
but hv a seight of hand performance which
would make one of our most up-to-date
..grafters" sit up and take notice-by a simple
twist of the wrist--he transferred a larger
portion OF it into those capacious sleeves where
in the All Sin of Bret Harte's earlier days
kept the extra cards for the game which he did
not understand. The government got what II
needed the official got what he needed, and
the pigtailed John kept what was left. His
numbers didn't materially matter.
Now the edct has gone forth that every
sIant-eyed Mongolian. whether in the kingdom
or out. whether planting rice in the valley of
the HOang Ho smoking opium in his house
boat on the Yangtse-Kiang or doing the
'washee- washee' act in New York City, |.
s A must be enumerated. No longer VIII
there be the uncertainty of a little matter or
n hundred millions which has stared the sta
tistician in the face when he tried TO make
comparisons between the army General Xerxes
put in the field some years ago and the imag-
mary one China might mobilize If she should
put on paint and feathers and start on the war
path.
Luckily the task Of making this enumeration
will not fall TO an Occidental. Every one who
has met Chinese in quantities knows that the
likeness between two peas is nothing compared
to that between two of these OrientalS. II an
American were II get tangled up with six OF
them and one should assault him. he could
swear conScientiOusly that any one Of the num-
ber did it. The only way Il Caucasian can tell
them apart IS not to see them together. They
talk alike look alike and wash with q uniform
perfection which is still the despair Of the
mechanical devices designed to take the place
Of the Chinese. Counting Chinese would he
a continuous performance for an American and
would save wear and tear on the countess. in
asmuch the same ones could he counted over
an unlimited number of times without any one
but the Celestals being the wiser.
We approve Of the count And Colonel
Sellers. of eye-water fame, will be able to de
termine exactly what his profits would have
been if every Chnaman had sore eyes and he
sold each one bottle Of his preparation ne
half dollar per. What has been mere specula-
tion will now become mathematical certainty.
The hairs Of our head being numbered with
the Chinese counted there viii only remain IN
achieved an enumeration OF the sands of the
600