davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
Publishers Primer.
From PUG
a

Magazine-A paper bound book of
face.
Editor-A man who edits the pre-
face, giving the subscribers what he
thinks they ought to read.
Reader-A man who buys a maya
zine because of it's catchy cover
Author-A person who writes what
he thinks the editor thinks people
think.
Fiction-Stories of real life that
never happen.
A Good story-One that pleases edi-
tors who are particular and people
who are not particular
Articles-Twaddle by men of note.
A Good Article-One for which the
editor has paid 81 word.
Humor-Stuff that people wouldn't
know any better than to laugh over
We're it allowed to get into print.
Near Humor-Stuff published be-
cause it is smart" CLEVER or cyni-
cal.
Observation-Disclosures that induce
people to read stories that the illus
traitors couldn't be induced TO read.
The editor was dying, says an eX-
change. but when the doctor bent over,
placing his ear on his breast. and said.
Poor man, circulation almost gone. :
the dying editor sat up and shouted.
"'Tis not so we have the largest cir
culation in the country"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
catarrh Cannot Be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they can
not reach the seat Of the disease Catssrh
is blood or constitutional disease, and in
order to cure 1t you must take internal rem
ally. and acts directly OIL the blood and mu
cous surfaces Halls Catarrh Cure is not
a quack medicine. 1t was prescribed by one
of the best physicians in this county for
composed Of the best tonics known, com
b.ned with the best blood purifiers acting
directly on the mucous surfaces. The per-
feet combination of the two ingredients is
curing Catarrh. Send for testimonials free
II. j. CHENEY & CO., Props., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, price 76c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
A Modern Lochinvar.

oh, young Lochinvar has come out of the
west,
In all the wide country his airship is best
To have his good dollars, he chauffeur had
none.
He rode unafraid. and he rode all alone
So plucky his flight and so clever his car
Have We e'er heard of Snarty like young
Lochinvar?
He STAYED not for wind and he stopped
not for rain
He few straight alone in his aeroplane,
But ere he alighted at Rocks-by the Sea,
His girl had consented anothers to be.
For man with so H. p. Touring Car
Was to we'd the fair Gladys of brave
Iochinvar
Then boldly he entered the pink onyx hall,
'Mong climbers and walters and family
Then spoke the Brides father, My word.
Well, say!"
(For the poor craven bridegroom just
faded away,
Did you come for a match to light your
cigar
Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord
Lochinvar?"
II used to court Gladys, you gave me the
/ went away vowing I'D never come back.
But now, passing by, I've just dropped in
to lunch
To dance but one two-step drink one
glass of punch.
There are maidens in Denver more
wealthy by far
Who would gladly be bride to the young
Lochinvar."
One wink of his eye and one word in her
ear
When they reached the hall door, for his
airship was near,
Right into the craft the fair lady he
swung,
Right into the small seat beside her he
Let her GO! We are off, over tree top
I'm be hanged if they follow" cried
young Lochinvar.
There was hustling and busting at Rocks
by-the-Sea!
Guests bridesmaids and usners We're mad
as could be.
There was racing and chasing and yelling
like mad,
There was weeping by mother and swear
ing by dad
While away overhead. like a luminous
star
shone the light on the arship of young
Lochinvar.
Carolyn Wells, in Harper's Magazine.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
Knew What She Wanted.

TUfII VIC NHSTTTITEIUH
Two chnnmy sort of women went
into a cafe. The one who was treating
asked the other what she would have,
mentioning ham by way of suggestion.
Ham possessed no glamour for the
guest. Furthermore, she knew exactly
what she wanted.
NO meat for me, J never take amy
thing for lunch but cup of coffee and
Il bunion.
Tho waiter girl looked bit Rtartled.
hut she returned with coffee and cur
rant buns. 1T seemed to fiji the bill.
The Daily Chronicle tells us that eth"
king will go to Brighton al the end Of
this month for a few days rest after
the visit of the king of Portugal" sure
~ this might have been expressed 4
littlo differently.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
THE FORTUNE THAT
VANDERBILT FORGOT
SCENE AT CHERRY plsAsTE

lessor a yeal, on two before ono of the
officers of the company had said To him
Commodore. the New York Central
doesn't pay dividends oftener than once IN
six months. Don't you see that you are
losing the interest on lot OF money ON
that account? If we paid once in three
months. your dividend would be available
for earning quite a pretty penny.
1.-The commodore had never thought of
that but he saw the point al once and
gave the order that from that time on the
dividend should he quarterly
''Fle was undoubtedly thinking of that
experience when he declared that the rail-
road treasury was carrying too much idle
money
"'Wcil. commodore one of us asked,
what use would You suggest that We make
OF this money? We will want II at divi-
dend time.
why, will borrow il of you myself
the commodore replied provided you will
accept New York Cenl-ai stock as colat-
eral security
He chuckled for moment or two. but
we saw he was in earnest, and he did Dor
row the money. aud left .; block of nearly
2HO shares .. New York Central stock as
security.
Nearly year later the commodore,
plainly greatly puzzled appeared AT the
| desk of the finance officer. and asked how
many shares of New York Central stock
he owned The officer. after looking at
the books, told him The precise amount.
Yes. admitted The commodore that
| agrees with my own books. bul can't nm!
all the stock. There's a block of 1874
| shares missing. ! haven't the remotes,
| idea of what has become of II
'Immedatcly there began q search 20,
the missing stock. which lasted scvera
Gays. AT last--well whore do you thinl
| we discovered that equivalent of $780,, 600
In an inner corner of The big safe iIst
where it had been put when the conImo
| dore gave ii as security for the dividend
money that he had borrowed. Thee 4
| had remained eve1 since The commodor,
had clean forgotten TO ask for the retlIli
| of it when he gave check for the entir
amount of his loan a few days before Nh
EmoneS was needed 10 pay the next quar-
tcrls dividend. and none of US had though
TO remind him that he was neglecting L
exercise the olainest sort of business com
mon sense "
Copyright. 1909 by e. j. Edwards,D
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
that he would rather die am

replying that he would rather die any
death than be bribed.
The house. when the report Of the
committee had been made, took action
on no one save Marshall II passed
resolutions declaring him guilty of
bribery and publicly reprimandng him
A more thorough investigation and
prosecution of the various cases in
volvcd was prevented by the attitude of
political parties. Their an,nosities
prevented for two years the election of
senators and from 1876 To 1919 Iowa
was without representation IL he up
per house of congress
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
Wanted All That Was Going.

y
A bank teller was asked by a woman
for a new envelope for her bank book.
1t was passed out, and the lady behind,
noting that her own envelope was a
trifle dingy also asked for a fresh one.
The third woman said. Nc, too" or
words To that effect. and so it went
down the line. When the tcllers pa
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
Victorx Bad Enouah.

FTom ElpplnGOtt MaBaZIH'.
In a corridor of one of the University OF
Texas buildings there is a large replica of
The Winged Victory" A waggishly in
cIined SUDDEN, observed the headless, arm
less, footless statue, and wrote under
neath
"f;od nit,. ,ocfeat
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

AT meeting of teachers in London,
DIR. Cunningham, head of the Munici
pal Dental Institute for Children. at
Cambridge, England, recommended the.
formation OF toothbrush clubs. Even
if the brushes are far from being IDEAL
DIR. Cunningham said, 1.-The result is
invariably beneficial. At Cambridge
we start with the youngest child. and
once we have treated child we as
sumo the responsibility of keeping its
teeth in good condition until it leaves
school--without recourse to forceps."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

whats that bonehead of a husband
o. mine done now?" asked the wife OF
an east side thug of pair of precinct
detectives as they pushed their way in
to her tenement room. "Dinged a fell
ilers crust. We say? And ven git him,
i s'pose. Now, amt that Jest like the
big NUT? Why, say he never done
Inothin' and got away with it clean
E'cept t lift doormat. and that had
Welcome on it. There 1T is under the
he'd -
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
Civilization.

Civilization.
Run like mad to make a train
And find the train is late:
Wake up with an awful pain
And wonder what you ate;
Read none but best selling books
.A4sas.can't tell what you've read;
sTaTK of dresses, cash and cooks
Or who is being wed;
Live some place little while
And then desire to move:
Every week change of style
To keep us from a groove:
Busy signals on the phone
Just when you want to talk;
Auto tires to hits are blown
And then you have to walk:
Modern transportation lines
Without place TO sit:
Landscape hid by painted signs
That make YOU throw a fit:
Daily scandal over graft
And statesmen swearing mad;
Half the people wholly daft
And everybody bad;
Noise around and on each side
And smoke all through the air.
People rushing eager-eyed.
Not getting anywhere
Someone makes hit today,
Tomorrow he's forgot.
All must work and none may Play
This is the human lot.
Modern work and modern life,
Advantages supreme,
A whiring. SETTLING, endless strife
How restful it would seem
TO find the olden. golden days
That we have long despised.
And ignorantly walk orr WAYS
Ana be uncivliZed
Chicago Evening Post
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

ALIENS LUNG BALSANr
is the old reliable cough remedy. Found in every
drug store and in practically every home For sale
by all druggists. 25c. Soc and sl.00 bottles.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

thence and his stock of envelopes
threatened TO give out he determined
10 call Il halt.
A fastidiously dressed lady appeared
at the window, holding out a perfectly
glov@d hand.
y should like one, too, please SAID
she.
cone what, madam ~ asked the teller
The lady flushed and began TO, Took
oomical.
Why she stamnacrcd, what the
other ladies had
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
A PATIENT MAN.
Head Winds.

Head WINDS.
Over her royals the gray clouds fly.
Fronting her rises the green head-sea;
Round her the measureless rim of the sky.
And the wash OF the wave as it hurries
Endlessly climbing the hills of the deep.
Breaking them down IN q smother OF
foam
But, oh. for following wind. ard the
leap
Down the long sea-s,opes. running for
home
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

Some people suffer continually with
tired. aching and swollen feet. Little do
they know how soothing is liamlins Wiz
ord OH. Rub it in at nigh and have
thankful, happy feet in the morning.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

The latest thing in automobiles usual
s. gets there in about the same order
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

The man who learns how to turn
down a book agent without offending
him has laid the foundation for sue
cess.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

Many q domestic has lost her place
because one &c the boarders liked her
cooking. and married her.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

WE PAY 11-isC FOR COW HIDES.
Fu,.s are also very high We sell traps
cheap Ship to and buy of the old reliable
N W. Hide & Fur Co.. Minneapolis. MINI
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

winter. Highest cash paid weekly with
part expenses. Home territory. OUTFIT free
Write today to the Hawks Nursery COM
pany. Wauwatosa. Wis.
ai0iIx clTV o,T,o co.- .a26-61. ~
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

A man can usually rum faster than
e small hoy. but the principle does not
apply to front and rear buggy wheels
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16

better for sidenche. buchnchcs stitches tlan
Perry Davis 'ankller. Oct the large size II is the
cheapest Al all druggists. 25c 35c and Soc bottles
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-12-16
r. ssf FoI sHf: Colorado Land Bargains
". 8. PERsMING. LIM0N. COLORADO

T8ioux CITY Ind spsndent List.
The Red Cloud chief., 1909-08-12

lGCAaE'ETE8

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The Red Cloud chief., 1909-08-12

Last Wednesday evening at q o'clock
occurred the marriage of Mr.. VI. :.
Groat and Miss Vera Wickwire at the
home of the brides mother. Mrs.
Wicllwire. Miss Marie HOLSTER
played the wedding march and Mr. X.
Il. stevens was best man and Miss
Mildred Stevens attended the bride
Rev. j. f.. Jarboe of the Brethren
church performed the wedding ccrc-
mony After the ceremony Il three
course supper was served. This young
couple is well and favorably known in
this city and we wish them success
thru life's journey.
Grand Island College wins more
prizes than other Western school; has
Legislative authority to grant state
teachers certificates: maintains the
most tlourishiug Conservatory of
Music, probably in Nebraska; has a
ness methods such as are in use in
large business houses: has2O excellent
teachers, .well-furnished dormtories.
with moderate expenses, Webster
County young people should. before
deciding TO 90 elsewhere byall means
send for full information to President
George sutherland, Grand Island, Ne.
bra-I,u
The Red Cloud chief., 1909-08-12


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The Red Cloud chief., 1909-08-12
5, }, CUNNINGHAM
NSNI.Sr
argJtSS,T 10 Dr. g. ihiiB
AZ the CID Stand GyGr the
safe Bank. Phone S3g,

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barn. scratches c.r. l.ur~.H.,. ru.
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The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19
Kaua's Grand Old Lady Surrounded by Scores
of Descendants and Hundreds of
Friends for the Event.

Last Monday was the ninety-third
anniversary of the birth of Mrs. Mary
S. Rice, affectionateiy known as
" Mother Rice" by the multitude of
her friends on this island and in the
Territory; and the residence of Rev
erend Hans Isenberg, where she resides,
was the center of attraction for the
large number of her relatives and ae-
quaintances of this neighborhood who
called to pay their respects and present
their good wishes, says the Garden ISL
and of October Is.
A feature of the day was the ar
rival of party of thirty or forty of
the Hawaiian men and women of the
district who called to present their
congratulations, and who carried long
wreath woven from the handsome
"palapalai" fern in which were placed
ninety-three white roses. The wife of
the Hawaiian minister of Lihue, Mrs.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19

William Kamau, gave little ad1ress
of congratu1ation to Mother Rice, IN
Hawaiian, and in the course of it she
spoke of the symbolieal feature of the
presentation, saying that the number
of the roses OF the wreath represented
the years of the life of the venerable
lady, their whiteness, the purity of her
life, and their fragrance the good trat
had emanated from her personality
during the long years cf her residence
here.
\ large number of messages of con
graduation and good wishes from
relatives at distant points were received
during the day, including eablegraBls
and wireless communications from all
over the cauntry, one from as far east
as New York city.
Refreshments of birthday cake and
ice cream were served to the guests
during the day and while the large
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19
SOLOMON In ALL
HIS GLORY RAGS
Was Not Arrayed Like Two of
Honolulu's Transient
Visitors.

The Beau Brummel of the Far East
is IN town making only a short stay,
for he leaves for Yokohama today on
the Tenyo Maru. He is H. Goldman.
and he has made more money and worn
better clothes than almost any other
foreigner in the Far East.
There have been times when this
best-dressed man" was not so flush as
at others, particularly. during the Rus
so-Japanese war, when the big firm of
Mendelssohn Brothers, silk exporters,
failed after trying to handle machinery
contracts with the japanese govern
ment. Mr.. Goldman went down in the
crash, but is again on his feet and is
once more the Berry Wall of the
Orient.
There is another Beau Brummel in
town, also, but he has not vet acquired
the fame of Goldman. He is Edwin o.
Child, Minister Plenipotentiary of the
st. Francis Hotel, who has just fe-
turned from a trip to the Orient. He
is stopping over in Honolulu for a few
weeks and viii return to San Fran.
CISCO
Child was at one time manager OF
the Hawaiian Hotel. While he was in
Yokohama recently, the Box of Curios
wrote him up at the instance of his
good friend and adviser, c. Lacey Good
rich, the very popular purser of the
Tenyo Maru. When he arrived and was
first introduced it was Mr.. Child, in
five minutes his new friends called him
"Child, old man. and in ten min
utes he was Eddie.
Eddie has talked Portola festival
and over in the Far East nothing was
talked about for a while but Portola
until it was thought about 1888 people
would cross the Pacific to attend. Child
is hustler for business, a good story
teller, a good dresser. and if you don =
think so, look at the rakish twist to hi:
Panama, his patent leather spats and
check clothes with the cut of Poole
all over them. Lacey Goodrich, how
ever, says they came off a Market
street shelf
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19
TIMELY ADVICE.

Never leave home on a journey at
this season of the year without a bot
tie of Chamberlain s Collie, Cholera and
Diarrhoea Remedy, is good advice for
young and old. No one can tell when
tanned on board the ears or steamships.
it may be required. It cannot be OBJ
Buy it before leaving home For sale
by all dealers, Benson. Smith & Co.,
Ltd, agents for Hawaii.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19

party was present turing the morning.
d. ?. R. Isenberg, one of Mrs. Rice IS
numerous grandchildren, who came from
Honolulu especially for the occasion, de-
lighted the assemblage with some fine
singing.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19
SKIRTS.

Black,
PANAMA Navy, Brown sooo
voIIEStylishly Trimmed with Bads Buttons
and sjk bands $3.50
LADIES' AND CHILDRENs UNDERWEAR, SKIRTS, CHEMISTS,
NrGHTGoWNs DRAWERS CIEMTSES, CoMBINA-
TTON CORSET COVERS CORSET COVERS Isle
VESTS SILK VESTS, VESTS
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19

INDIA IINoNs- yard &c., 171ac 20c 25c-BEsT VALUE
MEECERIzED wd-30e yard Coor Light Blue navy
Champagne COPENHAGEN
sTEfPE PopL27 coors, White Apricot Ponge
Cardinal Navy.
w1de-4Oc
Turquoise copenhagen Fo Se@"
berry, 49,.
wide35e CoIors cream
Couenhagen Sky Blue Forest Green
Color White, Light
Bue Navy Black Mediterranean Blue
Blue nedlteanean
Brown Green, Tan, Heiotrope
yard Blue Pongee Cream Hello
Strawberry
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-10-19
D0MESTl DEPARTMENT.

BABY CLOTH yards Sc wide ............. $500
PERFUN
VICTORIA yar, 86 in wide Observation-Disclosures. $3.50
VICTORIA CLOTHPiece yad36 $685.
1928 piece.
PILLOW CAsEs-Pan heustiaed each
BED SHEETS 75c 9oc each
BED SPREADS
TURKISH TOWELS $500
AND so to $500 dozen
LACE CURTAINS ................ - 65c to $3.50 pair
WHITE SWISS CURTAININGS, designs
1896 Soc per yard.
sIkOLINES 10c 121ae,
CRETONNES BURLAPS, ART DENIM yard
TABLE LINENS $500 yard
TABLE NAPKINS S100 $500 dozen
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1909-07-30

Buques en- puerto
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1909-07-30

dias q contar desde hoy proposiciones
bajo pliego cerrado para la construc=.
ci6n de un edificio lateral que de
acuerdo con los pianos hechos Sc agre.
CARA al actualmente existente, que po-
see esta SOciedad en- Puerta de Tie
ira, Gale de San Agustin.
De las condiciOnes y material nece-
sariO para dicha construction dara
los interesadOs una NOta Y todos los
detalles que Sc neeesitan, Ell Tesorero
Administrator de esta Sociedad don
Jose Lopez, de Ia casa de Sres. Suce-
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1909-07-30

sores de Perez Hermanos de este CO.
mercio.
Ell Consejo sc reserVa Ia facultad
de cOnceder La buena pro quien pre-
sente Las mejores proposiciOnes 9 cons
truir por administration dicho edifi-
clio, 81 las proposiciOnes recibidas no
10 conviniensen-
San Juan, P. r. q de Julio de 1909
El pressdente,
Luis VeRegas Castr0.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1909-07-30
1 los suseIigtNlss ! Agtnts

Para L. buena Marcia de esta Admi
distraction, no admitimOs Atlas de
ilscripciones & este diario sino desde
u primero de cada mes. Las BAJAS
q avisar&n los dias 30 6 81; advir-
h9ndose que Las que se dieren con pos
serioridad no se tomar&n en- cuenta
4 Iurtir&n efecto en- Il cOntabihdad
hasta g. dia 6ltimo del mes siguien-
- sl en- que % soliciten.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1909-07-30

Por ei departamento de justicia ha
sa1o nOmbrado juez municipal de San
German ell senior Benito Fores, mien-
tras dure la licencia coneedida al iuez
propietario Mr. John j. Siebert.