davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
The Usefulness of Tears.

The psychological aspect OF tears has
interested thinkers for ages. That cry
ing brings about certain mental crises
now and then is definitely asserted and.
IN all probability. very true. Every
women knows that nothing relieves her
feelings more readily or lifts strain
from ner mind more certainly than a
good weep on occasions.
The physical aspect of tears, however,
has never been considered very seriously
by scientific investigators until these lat
ter days. when all our lives center around
these pestlferous things we call germs.
Everything about Us seems fashioned for
one OF two purposes-either 70 attract or
repel germs. Tears are said to be great
germ-killers. One tear courslng down
the cheek acts upon the germs in its
pathway very much after the fashion OF
a steam roller on aspiring but misguided
politicians IN Mr. Frank Hitchcock S
way. It is easier for camel to 20
through the eye Of a needle than for a
germ 10 wade through a tear with a
whole skln-the germs skin being the
thing under consideration. Of course.
Wherefore. II the baby cries, for in
stance. be not distressed. It is good for
The baby 70 cry; It rids the little thing
Of millions OF bacteria. II your young
boy stubs his toe. and bawls with all the
vigor OF an offended nature not yet ar
rived at youthful estate, console yourself
that. while his toe hurts. his tears are
washing away hosts OF micro-organisms
that might otherwise work great havoc
with his physical self. II prompted &C
have good cry. let nothing stay tho
dow OF briny drops incident thereto. The
cry VIII do you much good because II
win leave your face Eermless. If red: your
eyes healthy. II swollen, and not espe-
cially good TO look upon.
We have long suspected something Of
the kind must be true. Somehow. weep
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

from IollerG
With touching faith in editorial omnis-
cience. a troubled householder OF Newark.
y J.. asks one OF our esteemed con-
temporaries how 10 get rid OF an escaped
tarantula II the Times cannot answer
the query. up goe1 our editorial hand.
signaling eruptive wisdom below. We
know bakers dozen OF ways to delete
a tarantula- from turning on the gas
while he is asleep 20 moving hfs legs or
with a scythe, and handing the harmless
remnant over 10 the appreciative chick
ems But. after all. why exhibit a spirit
OF destructive criticism toward the guest
OF the cellar? Certain defects may be.
II is true alleged against him. He has
long, unkempt hair. a low forehead and
unpleasantly piercing eyes. These be but
surface blemishes. the marks OF the ugly
but benefcient sprite who is an acquisi-
tion 20 any household His tigerish leap
means death 10 many a fly, each victim
far more perilous 20 the welfare OF the
household than is the grizzly and far
Travelled spider himself He VIII feed and
fatten upon the lOathly water bug and
the nauseous roach. II may be that, by
virtue OF his hOrrifc aspect, he will even
scare that bugsboo Of madame, the local
mouse. away from the premises. He will
90 no harm 10 any reputable member OF
society. His evil reputation Is mainly the
terror OF a name and OF super1uous and
sprangly legs. Let the Jerseyman be wise
and leave HIS tarantula I'm peace. Soon
enough will come the nipping airs OF No
vember 10 pierce through his shaggy but
insufficient trOpic coat and clog up his
air tubes with whatever form OF influenza
the Arachnidae succuub 10. or. falling
that, the genius Of the kitchen. descend
ed from the Great Exorciser. st. Patrick,
Will one day terminate the humble, tirno-
rOus, but serviceable career OF the exile
with a determined and hat-footed scrunch.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Mr.. Fowler and Mr.. Cannon.

However the country at large may
view Mr.. Fowler's letter concerning the
Speaker OF the House. Washington will
view It. we think. more as a tempest in
teapot than otherwise. Here. where
the Congressional game is played right
under our very noses, much buncombe
that gets by with the public few hun
dred miles away is sized up pretty ac-
curately for just what II Is.
Mr. Fowler elected to oppose the House
organization. He got the worst Of it, and
he pays the price That is all there is
to Il, and folks who watch events from
this immediate point OF view realize It.
No man knows better than Mr.. Fowler
that Mr.. Cannon is the "ezar" OF the
House only 10 the extent that the ma
jority Of the House wants him to be.
"Cannonism" means nothing more or
less than Republicanism. as represented
by majority control in the House In this
year OF our Lord 1909. II Mr.. Fowler
can overthrow that control. all we'll and
good for Mt. Fowler, and "Fowlerism." :"
we might say. II Mr.. Fowler were the
responsible head OF the majority what
he would do TO Uncle Joe" would be, In
the vernacular OF the day. "a-plenty, "
OF course. The Speaker realizes that just
as perfectly as it may be realized by any
one. Under the benign direction OF Mr..
Fowler Mr.. Cannon would go 70 the
Committee on Ventilation and Acoustics
And we hazard nothing OF reputation as
prophet when we say that Uncle Joe"
would take his medicine Ike a game
fighter. and go away back and sit down
with much more grace than Mr.. Fowler
seems able TO muster.
Those who dance in Republican circles
must be prepared 20 pay the fiddler. Mr..
Fowler elected to set up a little dance
all by his lonesome. but he attempted to
have It right out in the middle OF the
floor where the House majority does bust
ness. good, bad, or Indifferent. as the case
may be. SO. the master OF ceremonies
reached out and gathered Mr.. Fowler W
in bunch and thrust him into outer
darkness. where he may howl. but not gel
in the way OF tho majority dancers
nevertheless.
Mr.. Fowler Is merely making little
''holler." He is in pain. The House ma
jority. through Uncle joe" the Speak
er, has handed him a lemon" and he
does not like It because II Is sour and not
at all to his taste. II Mr.. Fowler can
convert the country to his way Of think.
ing, and induce the House majority tC
run things according to his way OF run
ming them-and It may be the country
and the House majority ought 20 bt
brought 10 those precise conditions-ther
the millennium might be said 20 have beer
ushered In. 10 be sure. In the meantime
the majority OF the House of Ropresen
tives viii. we fear. continue TO do grand
gloomy, and peculiar things. with ''Uncl,
Joe" in charge OF the proceedings, jus
as Il has been doing them for the pas
I've years.
As TO the Speakers personal integrity
we do not believe Mr.. Fowler doubt
that. however much he may think h
does. At present he Is sore. very sore
But he ought to be able to take his medi
cine with a little less wry face, neverthe
less.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
In Favor of Girls.

From The Kansas City Tines
In the late afternoon they come, IN
thousands. out OF stuffy Offices and
crowded stores. and noisy factories.
They've been there all day long. patiently
taking "dictatlon" from fretful, perspir-
ing. irritating men. or trying 20 satisfy
a thousand querulous voices over the
telephone. or deciphering the wishes Of
impatient and undecided women across
the counter. or with twinkling fingers
guiding and feeding Unsuitable machines.
Their days work over. they come out.
Weary they may be. but who would sus-
pect WEAKNESS in those straight. indepen-
dent, firm-stepping figures? Warm they
may be, but one might marvel at the
visions Of GOODNESS thu .50R In their
clean. well-htting gowns OF white. and
pink, and mauve. Troubled they may be,
but the sight Of them is balm for other
peoples troubles
Subordination may have been their
place all day, these girls who earn their
living. All day they have been under
orders and prisoners Of rule. But when
they come forth in the late afternoon
all that is changed. Then they dominate
and all men are subject TO the pleasant
influence Of their dominion. They Danish
discomfort and quiet complaint and make
habitable the cars they crowd. But foI
the presence OF these marvelously neat
calm, unobtrusive, unconscious, benefac-
tors. the homegoing cars In the evening
would be as cages OF sullen hyenas these
trying days.
That telephone manager back East who
said that every girl who is bright and
neat and clean IS pretty girl, is ever
| lastingly right.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
E1ecuted for witchcraft.

From the New York American.
The number who perished in the period
Of the witchcraft delusion will never be
known. In every country. through fifteen
centuries. the superstition went on plling
up It's victims. In Geneva 500 were exc
cuted in three months. 1000 were burned
at Treves, 600 by a single bishop OF
Bamberg. and 500 in a single year ct
Wurtzburg. At Toulouse 400 perished at
one execution. A judge at Kenny boasted
that he had put to death 500 witches in
sixteen years. A thousand were executed
in a single year In the province of Como.
Witches" were executed in Spain as
late as 1880
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
THE SMART CHILDREN.

The other night took walk and called on nx across the
block The home of ink full Of boys and girls forty kinds
Of noise Dad nx good and kind and straight he let the
children 90 their gait he spoke cross he
showed that he boss and his home neighbo know
like the Ringing wild beast show We tried to the
crops the children raised their endish yawps they hunted up
Thomas and placed my stovepipe hat they Jared with
carpet tack and poured down my back my long
tails they set are, and this aroused my slmbrng ire rose
majestic my wrath and through those children moved path
them sorey hip and thigh and piled them woodhed
nigh threw their father the WE'LL fired his cottage with
yell Some rigid morasts, hear have said my was
severe but their rebukes aghy conscience tells me
was right WALT Mason
Copyright, g Matthew AaanA)
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Chicago is TO have its finances investi-
gated The mayor has named COM
mittee OF eleven for that purpose.
Charles z. Merriam. professor. Of politi-
cal science at the University of Chicago.
and an alderman Is chairman OF the
committee, The city comptroller is an
other member. Another is the statis-
tician Of the Santa Fe system. a fourth
a bank president and the list includes
an expert civil and sanitary engineer,
a former president Of the Municipal
Voters League, a leading merchant. md
present and former members OF the
board OF aldermen familiar with munich
pal finances. The corporation OF Chi
cago will have an audit OF its business.
Every well administered business enter
prise is subjected 70 a searching audit
and accounting Of expense at intervals
OF a few years. Now stockholders OF
municipal administrations have discov-
cred the value OF such inspection.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
THURSDAY. AUGUST Is. 1909.
LET YOUR PAPER FOLLOW YOU.

The Washington Herald will be
mailed upon request TO subscribers
leaving the city during the summer
months. Change OF address will be
made as frequently as desired: no
tees Of such change should give
both the old and new address.
Notify your carrier or newsdealeF
or telephone direct to The Wash
ington Herald. 7Sl 18th st. NV. The
subscription rate is the same out
Of town as IN the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

BY injecting an ounce Of good whisky
into a growing watermelon a planter
claims 10 have discovered that It may be
given "a rare, fine flavor" The trouble
about II IS. they wiz not stand for that
sort Of doctoring down where the water
melons grow
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

From The Atchisor Globe.
A woman in getting a picnic lunch,
boils some eggs. Then she takes out the
yellows. looks at them and puts them
back in again. doing a job not as neat as
that done by the hen, for the yellows
look mussy. Will some one tell why she
takes the yellows out looks at them and
then puts them back in again?
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
sensIbIe GirI.

Does your husband pay you the com
pliments that he did IN days Of court
ship?"
why, IL
Does he praise your eyes or your
taper fingers now that you are married.
Or course not. BahV
We'll. he says a good word for my
pies and my biscuits" retorted the bride
you can't make me dissatisfied with
married life
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

ing does seem to play benign part in
our scheme Of life. After all, It is well
worth while now and then TO cry over
spilled milk. the ancient proverb to the
contrary Notwithstanding.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

A Cleveland judge has ruled that hus-
band need not wash the dishes. Doubt
less he would be perfectly willing TO bal
ance this opinion, however. with another
to the effect that a wife need not split
the wood.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
1.nt rhi. a Litt1e stronrr

From the Houston Post.
1t is perfectly true that the great ma
jority Of Texans belong to the class
known as the common people, but Il Is
proper TO say that the common people
OK Texas would be considered aristocrats
and mobiles anywhere else In the wIrld.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Out in Chicago they are going to have
Parents Day" instead Of Mothers
Day" That is right especially as father
will have 20 foot the bills arising from
the celebrating.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The Department OF Agriculture Is try
ing to produce a seedless persimmon. II
seedless persimmons VIII tend TO make
the possum stick more closely to a vege-
table diet, we are for Il.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Probably without knowing It. King Ed
ward has lent the stamp OF royal ex-
ample 10 a masculine fashion OF our
Southern States. The king has appeared
in public wearing a soft hat with
frOck coat Now, this has long been a
fsvorite combination south Of the ObsO-
lete line Of Mason and Dixon. It had
its origin. probably in the adaptability Of
that form Of headgear 10 either planta-
tion or street Its persistence has been
natural Criticism, more or less humor-
Gus. has assailed II in vain. In reality,
the soft" hat needed no stimulus from
London. II had its own and sufficient
reasons for existence and persistence. II
the royal example leads 70 its wider use
IN the North the custom VIII be one
Of comfort. The Southern statesman win
find himself quite IN the mode, and may
hereafter fear not the descriptions OF
observers in Washington. and may ven
ture as far as New York OF Boston with
out dread. Here's TO the kings lat; long
may It be the style!
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Tuesdays Chattanooga Times came 20
this Office minus the editorial page. We
do not mind conAding to Editor Laps
Walker that we do not care for lettuce
and tomato salad sans the mayonnaise
dressing.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The King Of Spain has shaved his side
whiskers because the Queen said they
made him look too much like an English
butler. Evidently her majesty thinks
there may be such thing as too much
dignity even in a king.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The State OF washington has made It
crime 70 smoke a cigarette. So. you see,
all the freak legislation is not framed Up
south OF Mason and Dixon's line.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

A Boston physician IS Of tho opinion
that all mankind viii be crazy IN 62S
years. number Of State legislatures
will be about the same as they are now
adays. however.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Alabama has made it a misdemeanor TO
use the word saloon" in connection with
any business. When Il comes to stimu-
lating drinks the wise Alabama man even
keeps his thoughts to himself nowadays
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Because his lady love did not come
downstairs ''in a minute" as she prom
ised. Pennsylvania youth blew out his
brains II he did not understand women
ony better than that. he surely could not
have had any brains to hurt. anyway.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

And now England has Niger prob
lem" says the Columbia State The worst
OF It Is France. Spain. Italy. and a lot Of
foreign countries probably VIII insist on
settling 4 FOR her.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Prosperity is Just around the corner"
says the Philadelphia Times. This game
OF Il spy with prosperity IS getting
more or less monotonous. however.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
PhiIadeIphin,. Harbor.

The mayor OF philadelphia has on hand
the tidy sum OF Sl.2OOOOo 10 spend in
various harbor improvements. This Is
not a Congressional appropriation. but
a balance OF municipal funds resulting
from loans. The money is TO be spent
on piers, dredging the Delaware and
Schuylkiu, and buying waste lands. One
large item viii be a municipal pier. The
reclamation Of waste lands on the lower
section OF the river froi Is conceded
TO be a most important project. The
mayor believes that commerce Will even
tually concentrate on what Is now the
lowlands OF South Philadelphia, and IN
this he is strongly supported by shipping
men. To carry out a plan involving the
reclamation of thousands OF acres OF
waste land. filling in the same and con-
structlng bulkheads, Will. II IS said, mean
the expenditure OF upward or $50 600 0C0.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The Republican party Is the party OF
the square deal" says the Baltimore
American. Especially the ante-election
square deal
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

From the New York Evening Post
Mr.. Tafts administration bids fair 20 b dis
tinguished for determined effort to inject bust
ness methods into the various Departments.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

And we doubt not, moreover, that the
north pole was prepared TO extend TO Mr..
Wellman the warmest welcome possible.
in all the trapped circumstances Of the
case
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
RuSInesS Mt the old Stand.

From the ST. Louis Star.
Roosevelt may not be able 70 send any
picked meats from Africa 10 anxious
lnquirers. but when he returns he may
tan a few hides.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Friendly Advice.

Il hope TO grow gray IN their service. Z"
Very laudable ambition. very laudable.
But don't scorn the hair dye too long.
You know there's a fad nowadays for
young men"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Some OF the newspapers spell Il ''Bev-
eryly Bay" Imagine anybody being un-
certain as to the correct spelling OF Oys-
ter Bay!
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

fight for his political life Doubtless
enough. too, he gives scant attention
these days to his pet yellow peril"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Many college grads are absolutely
niterate.' says the president OF Brown
University. Is that why highbrow pro-
fessors call them "grads?"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

1t Is somewhat difficult 70 tell whether
Gov. Haskell is seeking the lmelight or
the whitewash bucket.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Chief Rnd of TrnYeI.

$50 you have been across the ocean
twenty-seven times?'
Yes; but twenty Of those trips were
practically wasted"
How is that?"
Il took them before picture post cards
came In"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Simply because the purchasing power
Of a dollar bill has been trimmed. It does
not necessarily follow that the bill
should be
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Enrnod His TIN.

From the Tatler.
why did you tip that boy so hand
somely for handing you your coat?''
did you see the coat he gave me?"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

OF Indigestion" we are informed. More
trouble from "undigested securities7''
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The everlasting race Issue" has been
raised in Capt Hobson's Congressional
district down in Alabama. and the gal
liant hero Of the Merrimac is having to
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

In Chat, Africa, the women rule the
country. Mr. Roosevelt should lecture
the mollycoddles OF that interesting prov
lrce
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

We shall be disappointed II .Bwana
Tumbo does not skin few African kings
while he IS about Il.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

It is so hard for Mr. wellman to get
started ahead before he begins coming
back.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
MIR. Metz's Prediction

From the Springfield Republican
Controller Metz's prediction that New YORK City
viii have s606 00 population IN leB Is not a.
travagant in view Of the present rate Of growth.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

II Mrs. Mary Copley Thaw would mere
ly write II IN her diary for family inspec-
ton, It would be better.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

Apparently the most popular pastime at
Atlantic City is getting rid OF your thirst
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
MIR. CnrneKie's Fenr.

From the Hartford Courant.
Pittsburg Is disturbed By reports that Andrew
Carnegie is losing his fear q dying rich without
any Orr,sponding loss of wealth.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
TWO ANGLERS.

J.,
A barefoot boy.
A white birch pole;
A can Of worms.
A swimmin' hole.
A baited hook.
A tug and swish:
A steady haul.
A string Of hsh.
IT.
4 white duck SUIT.
A canvas boat;
A costly rod.
A patent float.
A gaudy fy.
A cast and swish;
A pretty sight.
hut aary dshl
-Bostcn Herald
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Al Least. Something Gained.

From the Cleveland Leader.
Editor-will you give me a single rea-
son why 1 should accept your stuff?
Poet-I can. II you used il. you could
keep the stamps I inclose for its return
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26

The rest that comes after a vacation is
the real thing. after all. Is II not?
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
We Think So. Too.

From the Deseret Evening News.
There IS something wrong with a child
that is seen and not heard
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
WORDS FOR WISE MEN.

Mr.. Cannon Must Look Out.
From the Boston Tranccript.
Il behoores Cannon to beware the snare d
the Fowler"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
Mr. Ginett's Good Borcot1

From the Philadelphia Press
Mr.. Gillott wonld advise ell travellers who ar,
afronted by advertising signs TO purchase nothins
from those establishments whose advertisement.
offend.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
PEOPLE AND THINGS
NeW Forelgn Faahions.

A Kansas traveller abroad may or may
not be an accurate herald OF fashion. But
the observant editor of the Emporia Ca
zette sends 10 that prairie metropolis the
important information il It be true. that
bangs are coming back into fashion.
They were observed first in Italy, grew
more apparent in Germany and Hol-
land. AMI entirely distinct IN France.
The critic writes: "They are mortal ugly.
Young people who do not know how
bangs look should consult the family
photograph album of the sos and see
how mother and Aunt En- looked. But
II Will do no good. II bangs are COM
ing back they will come back and II
will do no good for men to make an
outcry. II the women decide to have
bangs they viii have them, and they'll
add leg OF mutton sleeves, hustles, hoops
and poke bonnets. II the men say much.
/ In this connection II should be stated
that q new style Of dress has appeared
IN Europe, II Is a kind Of a comprO-
mise between kimono and a shift, so
planned TO suggest that the Mother Hub
/ bard effect everything that the tight
fitting OF last year tried 20 show The
last years styles were disgraceful
enough. These new ones are indecent
/ Doubtless they will have an unprecedent-
ed vogue"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
The Separation,

Hes kicking about his wife going 20
the country"
Feels the separation. no doubt"
"Yes, from the necessary coin"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
No Great Dinerence.

Much alleged humor. by the by.
Mankind at woman hurls.
Yet men eat ice cream on their pie
AS often as the girls.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-26
MIR. Hartman aud Businea..

From the New York Globe.
Hartman is q conspicuous figure In the hnan-
cial world, and gamblers may like to lay bets on
his state Of health. Jet bis departure would work
no change.