The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1909-10-16

Mr.. JODSOn. wait minute. Let $
pick these things to pieces as they
spin along. Why pray, my good wo-
man, do you have the temerity to
tell me thatI, above all men, am 60
ing to look so DANCED outrageous
with a beard? What's the matter
with me compared with other men?
What's your idea in handing it out
to me, in so many words, that I'm
nothing but a joke compared with
other men? What's your notion in
-"
"Oh, any man." quickly thrust in
Mrs. Jobson, looks perfectly vile
with beard. l don't care who it is,
a man looks baboonish and untidy
and monkeyed and cave-dwellerish
and just perfectly awful with a beard
on his face. l don't care if it's the
president of university or whoever
he is, he's simply bound To-"
"Uh-huh," raped in Mr.. Jobson.
"Uh-huh You can tin the rest of
that spooch and put 1t away for flu
ture reference. 1t doesn't interest
or entertain me a cents worth. And
you could spoochify along that line
from now until Peary gets back
with his little tale of woe and it
wouldn't make particle of difference
to me. AS I have told you, in re-
spouse to your nagging and barking
at me, l am going to raise beard;
have, in fact, already go a pretty
good start on the beard-raising thing
It only remaiNs for you to accept
that fact just as if it weren't any of
your business whatever, and to"
But" put in Mrs. Jobson, what
in the wide world is your idea in let
ting something grow on your face
that is bound to make you look per
fectly horrible-that already, in fact
makes you a perfect sight? You
know very well that you"
81 think l urged you a moment or
So ago." chucked in Mr.. Jobson, "to
cancel or postpone that particular
line of conversation, or advised you
to tell it to Sweeney, or something
of that sort. l now make it a little
stronger than urging, and direct you,
mann, to cut that kind of talk out
around here if you expect to get
along with me in peace and amity
AS a simple matter of fact, it is
strictly and distinctly and decidedly
none of your affair on earth why
am raising a beard. But, since you
indicate an intrusive desire to know
why l am raising a beard, I'll just
trot out a reason or two, enough,
hope, to hold you in your seat with
a civil tongue in your head for about
four minutes or so. am raising
beard, madam, firstly and primarily,
because l want to.
1t suits and pleases me and falls in
with my mood and humor to raise a
beard, therefore I'm raising one.
However, l am melted TO this pur-
pose mainly by the consideration that
l am weary of BARRIERS. l no longer
extract amusement, madam, at my
time of life, in hanging around a bay
running smelling barber shop for
half an hour or three-quarters of an
hour every day or so, waiting for the
tonsorial ginks to get through talking
with fellows who have beat me to
the BARRIERS chairs about what a
swell team we're going to have next
year and wasn't that guy Cook a
nifty 'un to go right out and cop the
pole 'thout sayin' a word to no one
and all like that. And I'm tired,
madam, of having the aforesaid bar
berial persons thrusting lather com
posed exclusively of animal fats into
my facial orifice, and of having them
sticking their more or less doubtful
thumbs and fingers into the same
aperture, and of stopping a lot Of
patchouli. smelling toilet water all ov-
er my countenance after they've
got through scraping away with raz-
ors that wouldn't cut hot butter, and
of having EN- ask me whether l think
rents are going up in Washington
o. coming down in view of the new
tariff law, and if it isn't a joke the
way the Taft gang have put the Mar
inc Band concerts a million miles
away from where anybody that
hasn't got a gas-gig can go hear 'em,
and all like that Tired, madam, of
barber shops and BARRIERS, that's all.