The sun., 1909-05-02
JOB FOR SUICIDE CHAPERON
CALL FROM A GLOOMY MAN
IN A TURKISH BATH.


Tired OF the Monotony OF Living. He Had
Determined to Cash In--Taotful Hand
ling Preserved Him to Complete -
Pending Real Estate Deal Instead.
The Institute of Chaperons for Periodi-
cal Pickles and Occasional Souses had a
somewhat melancholy phone call the
other night.
.Thish 'shtoot Chaprunsh'' the yelled
voice inquired.
IT is the same" replied the manager
at the phone. r
slab xhere unnertaker connected wish
'shtoot3' the sepulohral voice asked after
. pause.
"our undertaking establishment isn't
ready yet replied the manager. but We
have means at hand to make all necessary
arrangements. Are you thinking OF cash
ing in,'
sYesb, goin' t cash in 'meejeshly.' wss
the solemn reply. "Meejeshly Z not
shooner. Coin & do Dush aot tnight
sure pop
, .The Dutch act. eh3' said the manager,
we'll. you're doing the right thing to
inform us this way. Wen help you all
We can. Dye want US TO send you
ohaperon to help you shuf,e off?'
-Thssh It 'shaotiy,' was the reply.
want maah'r O. sheremoniesh + shoe
shat ! make good zhob n neat finish.
shend me shap'run right quick. n shend
one zhat hash 'foisted previoushlT at
shese shad 'fairs. ehf'
Sure replied the manager through
the phone. 'I1l send you q man that
knows the shuffling OF game inside and
out. He has organized ten or twelve
suicide clubs himself
Then the man bent on self-removal told
the manager where he could be found and
rang Oh.
Here's one.' said the manager. turning
TO . ohsperon who was sitting with his
fest cooked up on q table reading the
baseball nuff, who's going to pipe out
tonight. Go get him and boost that
cashing in thing Of his along. Probably
he'll DO yipping for a thick steak with
nushrooms by midnight. for he has just
hit Turkish bath. On the jobl'
Tho chaperon sauntered out, nailed a
passing taxi. and three minutes later
had sprung his man spraddled out in a
reclining chair in the hot room OF the
Turkish bath. He bought a bath ticket
for himself. shuoked his clothes. swad-
died himself in toga, returned to the hot
room and took reclining chair alongside
that Of the pickle with the cashing in
intsntion.
Tho pickle, who. reclining, was imbibing
q hiahball the component elements OF
which seemed to appear in huge drops OF
dew on his forehead about two minutes
after he'd taken each swallow, was a
large. smooth faced person with hair
eighty thin at the temples and an OK
precision Of profound gloom on his rather
chubby. rosy countenance.
well. here l be, SIR opened UP the
chaperon. pivoting his head a. he leaned
hack In the reclining chair so that he could
face the pickle. .Sh-shl know all about
it. I'm here =, help you make the ar
rangements. you know
The pickle looked surprised at first,
but with comprehension Of the chaperon's q
identity q sheepish sort OF grin appeared
on his rubiound chops.
sOh, you're shep'run. heyS' he said,
mufhedly. and painting with the great
heat OF the boiling out room. Coin &
fiksh shings up f'r me. hnh' Shay. have
you had previoush 'shperiensh in these
'fairs2"
Suicide cases are my specially, you
know promptly replied the chaperon,
seriously. They're the only kind OF
case, I'm sent out on. The manager
you see, is kind enough to consider me
an expert in matters appertaining to
cash-ins.'
well, I'm glad O. that" mumbled the
pickle. not looking so glad. however
SHAY. how many fellersh have you
helped e shuttle OFF,
The ohaperon looked reflective. as il
mentally calculating
Its kind OF hard to figure. there've
been 80 many OF EN- he said presently
II should say, onhand and at random
though, that I've stood by and been on
the Job with about four hundred and fifty
fellows who've done the joggle Of p
The pickle narrowed his eyes and ex-
anined the chaperon curiously, but the
ch.psrcn looked to be perfectly matter
Of fact and serious.
SZhee whish!' said the pickle. mop
ping his forehead with an end of his toga
-Zhat's a lot O. fellersh Z ship on thish
human coil. hey9'
-Oh, not so many" said the chaperon
deprecatingly. And they were all salts
fed with my work. Several Of them, in
feet, left notee addressed 10 the manager
Of the institute, commencing my services
in assisting them to rid themselves Of the
earthly burden
"Zhee, you're cool bout it. m frien'
I'll shay zhat f'r you.- said the pickle.
"Oh, It's nothing to get worked up
about said the chaperon. After all
. fellows better OF dead than alive when
once he makes up his mind that he's tired
OF the game. That's my way of looking
at II. When are you going TO make the
stepof-to-nighti"
.Yesh, t'ni,' replied the pickle. a bit
hesitatingly. however.
Tired Of the monotony Of living?' in
quired the ohaperon. not in an intrusive
but In a wholly respectful tone.
sY' geshed RI very firsh time replied
the pickle. wagging his head appreoia-
lively over the chaperon's penetration
"M'notny living'sh jesh she word, Zhash
me all over. Made up m min there'sh
noshin' In zhe game. sho I'm goin' Z
turn In m chipsh n quit, zhash all. Don't
want any fussh r feazzers bout 1t. Jesh
goin' T. glide out. neat n quiet
.Raat yFavs commanded the chaperon