Willmar tribune., 1909-06-16
Among Our Neighbors.
Sifted out by Ludwig S. Dale.

~
Ludwig S. Dale.
Association, and it will in turn
have been entertained by an illus
trated lecture on Norway by Ola
Sarvold. the presentation of the
cantata ''The New Flower Queen"
Yankee Robinson greatest Show
on Earth. and the spring term of
the district court. On top of all
this, the busy Gophers are planning
big Market Day and Midsummer
celebration for June "a.
Three thousand people attended
i Kerkhoven's first market day, and
it was a great success. A good
many prizes had been offered, and
this acted as quite stimulus.
Mrs. Thos. Condor got a Is lb. sack
of graham flour for being the heav-
lest lady-evidently to spur her on to
further efforts, and after an excit-
ing race G. z. Pritchard was
caught and presented with bottle
of 'Ever-Fail" hair tonic, it hav-
ing been discovered in some un-
known manner BY a lady committee
that he came the closest to being
able to count the hairs on his head.
The prize for the happiest UN-
MARRIED couple-the committee
realizing that it would mean bank
ruptcy to buy prizes for the other
kind, they being all equally happy
went to auditor Dan Carney of Ben
son, who has a smile that not only
attracts business to his office but
also to the Office of his neighbor,
the clerk of court. and Miss Clara
Mahlow, of Kerkhoven. Besides
the prizes there were tugs-of-war,
races, ice cream cones and terrif-
ic east wind, and everybody had a
high old time.
Down in Blue Earth county there
was debate the other day on,
"Resolved, that the earth is fiat
and standing STILL" and J. L.
! Cooke, Of the Sanctifed Sect
church, supporting the affirmative
won, capturing three out of five
judges. According to the worthy
reverend the earth is set like a
hat on fence post. " for if it were
flying thru space how could the
bible speak of it as having foun-
dation, and if the earth flew around
in a circle how could the oceans
remain in their beds. A rotary
motion would throw all the water
off the earth, would hurl boulders
from the top of the Rocky noun
tains and yank all the tomcats off
the backyard fences. When his
opponent mildly suggested that
without the revolution there could
be no night or day. the preacher
f1oored him by quoting the COM
mand of Joshua that the sun stand
still. Why should he take the
trouble to ask it to stand still when
it already was still. This sounds
pretty good, and yet we would like
to have the reverend tell US the
whereabouts of the "other end of
the post" and also what would hap
pen in case Jupiter or Mars should
take notion to kick the hat off.
The next question to be discussed
by the Jealous anti-revolutionist
will no doubt be''Why is a hen.' We
will bet on the hen.
:, The citizens of Granite Falls are
contributing thousands of dollars to
the Fourth of July fund, according
to the Maynard News, and mo
stone will be left unturned to make
the event a memorable one." If
there are any GRANTEES left 1nturned
by the dawn Of the Fourth, they
will surely have to come out then
or crawl into their holes, for the
one and only Go-Lightly But Hit
Hard Morrill, of Minneapolis will
be there, and we have yet to hear
of the stone he can't turn with his
eloquence. Go-Lightly is the ORR
ginal "Big Noise.'' He has only
one competitor, but he is at present
clearing Africa of the terrible Gi-
raffes and the bloodthirsty Gazelles,
G. L. has the states all to himself.
That he makes the most of it any
body who has seen him in action
knows. Once, while he was deli
vering a travel lecture on Europe
we saw him. roar like the lion in
the Berlin museum, sing like the
nightingale in Sweden. turn turtle
while climbing the mountains in
Switzerland, kick an impudent
Frenchman out of his hotel quarters
and drinking tea with her Majesty
all at once. and besides he beat