davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20
An Appalling Possibility.

Broadway is laughing over a story
about a wine agent and an emine 1t
actor, whom the other had attempted
to make use of as an advertising me-
dunn. The agent is introducing a
new brand of champagne. and the
other day he induced the actor. to as
sist him in the consumption of a pint
bottle of it at one of the fashionable
restaurants.
"And now I'll tell you how you can
do me a good turn-if you should
happen to feel like it, he said.
Delighted to do you a good turn,
of course" responded the actor.
Its this way" the agent explained.
"You are travelling about the country
a great deal and stopping at the best
hotels. Now I want this champagne
to become known in order to create a
demand for it. What I would like
you to do is to ask for my wine by
name at the hotels you go to, so that
the hotel men will get the idea that
it is popular in New York and send
in their orders for it. You won't
mind doing that for me, will you?'
I'll ask for it with pleasure" the
actor declared. "But. good heavens
mani" he added. in sudden alarm.
Suppose they should have it?"-Har-
per'S Weekly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

call"
''Yes?"
''And-and-"
And he wants to guard you in future
from falling into creeks? Well, Mr..
Ashley can talk very Interestingly on
horticulture. and 1 shall be glad to
listen to his remarks at any time" said
Aunt ah--(Copyrighted, 1909. by
Associated Literary Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20
HUNOR or THE DAY


tell Miss Wose that you were never kiss
ed by a man? Miss Tabasco-So I did.
kissed you iawsf night. Miss Tabas s
said man.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Teacher-You can't add two different
kinds of things. For instance, you can't
add an orange and an apple and get more
add a piece Of meat and a dog, you get
more dog.-Harvard Lampoon.
do you agree with the professor who
says women get the worst of it in this
Dn ~, II dc; but how are we going to
from moving car? '-Chicago Record
Herald.
Say. Paw" said little Sammy Short.
edition 'Gf today that %as Hes
Of Of him. in rejoined old l., man short How
( Ne s~ar'er' answered Short 'T'-chi'as0
house last night. His F'riend-Good The
new play must be catching on The Man
say that Eleven Of the 70 q were We &c" process
servers and more deputy sherifs.-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
so you are convinced that Bacon wrote
the Shakespearian plays?" II am" an
poet" That's just the point. only a
duced some of those plays without trou-
BILE with government censorship. wash
ington Star.
Knicker-How much of a summer resort
is It? Bocker-At present it is a fence on
go by-New York Sun.
Friend-Why do you encourage these
woman suffrage meetinRS2 votf
don't approve of them? Husband-Ap-
ome as ate a K Ike noT wt San fSS
ing my wife at home to ask questions
F'liegende Blaetter.
Eyes. indeed" said Miss Upeisch, my
great-grandmother on my mothers side
bearing" How straPnge I exciaimed Mss
Knox; our servant girls the same way"
Catholic Standard and Times.
He-And am really the first man, you
Were ever In love with? She-Yes. dear:
to be in love with.-Boston Transcript.
Young Lady-Give me one yard of-why.
haven't I seen you before? Diapers As
sistant-Oh Maud. have you forgotten me7
L saved your life at the seaside last sum
course. you did Then you may give me
two yards of the ribbon, please.-Illus-
Young Sister-What. you can't ride a BIZ
cycle yet and JACK has been teaching you
for three weeks? Elder Sister-Yes, but he
hasn't proposed yet.-Chips.
Il suppose you had a. splendid rest on
your Vacation?" Yes. indeed. danced
every dance every ght."-Detroit Free
Press.
You write too much said the critic to
a ahe sgth3P But ~ my , friend repIisd the
were all born to die?'-Atlanta Constitu-
ton.
They say that melody will make cows
of a sextette of operatic milkmaids might
increase the dairy output, and also help
the boys on the farm."-Pittsburg Post
Hes no gentleman" said the first suf-
fragette. What's the matter now?" ask
ed the second suffragette. when gave
up my seat I'm the street car to him he
never even said. Thank you Detroit
Fress Press.
Switch Off.-Youns Golightly Ito pretty
girD-1s the seat next to you engaged.
miss. Miss-No but / am And he is go
ing to get in at the next station.-Comc
Cuts.
Turning Over New Leaves.-UncIe wis
iting his nephew. a student)-My nephew's
room looks terribly bare. Landlady-Yes,
the poor young man has had to sell
erything he could to continue his studies
even his books.-Fliegende Batter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Rain fell almost steadily throughout
the night and today. there was a raw
southeast wind" Now if this was the
news in regards to such happenings in
and about Topeka instead of Newport,
r.. L. it would be of a more refreshing
n-f
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Cole Younger. ex-bandit, who is
chautauquaing, is advising young men
to be useful, honorable. law abiding
citizens. This is good advice even If /.
comes from a man who didn't.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

No news has come from Colonel
Roosevelt and his party in Africa fer
several days. What's wrong? Surely
no lion has fulfilled the wishes of Wall
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

That Pennsylvania widow of 81 years
of age who is about to get married
again is old enough to know better.
But maybe she is suffering from we'll
developed case of second childhood.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

They're also experiencing a crisis in
affairs of state in Denmark. European
news for a day would be most unusual
If it did not report a crisis or two In
the nations that go to make up that
land of incessant political turmoil.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Some folks will express the opinion
that the farmers in this vicinity are
ever credulous. They are reported to
place considerable reliance in the pre-
dfotions of the local weather bureau.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

No use talking otherwise, the job of
being a railroad commissioner in Kan
sas is not a very attractive one. The
commissioners feel the necessity of
making another trip of inspection over
the lines of the Missouri Pacific.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

President Taft is becoming more
and more distinguished as time passes
on. He played a game of golf in a
rainstorm the other day.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

About the only men in cities who get
any satisfaction out of such weather
as has prevailed around here of late are
those who own the ice plants.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

The baby shah of Persia is assured
" up against fierce proposition when
his own father will make an attempt
to take the little lads life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

II is the opinion of the Boston Globe
that Mr.. Bryan will find that Texas is
Just as far from Washington as Ne
braska is
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Injustice to the English channel
remarks the Chicago Record-H Herald
1--WE may say that nobody has yet been
able to wade it,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20
FRON OTHER PENS
THE SOUTH is MAKING SILK.

There are few people who know
that North Carolina, among its diver
sified industries, has a number of silk
mills remarked Mr.. Thomas J..
is staying at the Stafford hotel.
I'm the growing town of Wadesboro
there are two silk factories, one en-
ploying white labor operatives. They
are both prosperous, and their only
handicap is a scarcity of help. The
raw material in the form of cocoons
comes from China, and costs from
So to $3.50 pound delivered at
Wadesboro, but when spun into silk
yarn it brings the mill owners SIS a
of the market. The owners maintain
headquarters in Dover, n. J., but the
product of the mills goes to New
York. The work, which is light and
clean, gives employment to many girls
and boys, who are able to earn from
SIS to 81 a week. In the plant where
the colored hands work a cheaper
quality of silk is produced, the col
ored employees not having as yet ac-
quired the skill necessary to turn out
er silk factories in the state, located
at Fayetteville, Kinston, and High
Point, and believe they are all max
ing good money on the capital in
vested. American.
90 --
OFFICE HOLDING IN FRANCE.
Records for 1906 show that there is
one public employee for every 80 inhabi-
tants in France. These persons draw
an average of less. than 1,6O0 francs
apiece in yearly wages. or $500 each.
Since some of the high officials are
paid salaries which run into tens OF
thousands of francs, the great majority
of these functionaries are paid the
merest pittances. But then certainty
OF employment is practically assured
for life, and this the municipalities Of
fer while the land does not.
Schemes have been set In motion to
offset this drift. An old age pension
system, which is counted on to alleviats
the lot of the aged peasant, will per-
haps go into effect before another year.
1t is thought that the prospect Of be-
ing provided for in his declining years
will tend to keep the peasant on the
farm
Insurance societies constitute anoth-
err plan. Through these it is hoped to-
promote greater thrift in the country,
as has already been done through the
same agencies in the cities. A law
recently passed by the French legis-
1ature aims to establish system OF
loans to persons desiring to buy farm
property. This system, is designed to
work through mortgage banks which
employ private capital under govern
ment charter. This scheme as yet
lacks financial organization. but when
once in operation may prove the most
satisfactory solution of all French
problems OF the Iand.-Tndianapoiis
Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20
MAN AND THE BIRD.

Nov Sov.. really fs what love to see.''
Are men who try to fly like me
So absurd.
I just fly;
Up and down and round 1 go,
Low or high.
7 don't wait until the sun
Settles down
When I want to wing a run
Over town.
Il don't have to choose an hour
When the breeze
Doesn't exercise its power
Through the trees
81 don't have to wait until
Everything
Must be right to show my skill
On the wing.
7 don't have to make my start
Natures greater than the art
It conceals.
don't rise and bang around
Crafty,
Then take header to the ground,
!, 2, 3.
IT don't run a queer machine
On the jerk;
don't use no gasoline
In my work.
Its different some twixt me and man.
By the bye;
He's trying every sort of plan,
Just fly"
-Nauy voriy TUorI5
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

yes. indeed" said Miss Upeisch, my
great-grandmother on my mothers side
was noted for her proud and imperious
bearing: How strange" exclaimed Miss
Knox; our servant girls the same way"
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

He-And am really the first man you
were ever in love with? She-Yes dear:
and you are the last man ever expected
to be in love with.-Boston Transcript
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Friend-Why do you encourage these
woman suffrage meetings? Surely, you
don't approve of them? Husband-Ap-
prove? With all my heart can come
home as late as like now without find
ing my wife at home to ask questions
Fliegende Blaetter.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Knicker-How much of a summer resort
is it? Bocker-At present it is a fence on
which you can sit and watch the trains
go bY.-New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20
McGregor Followed Instructions.

Alexander Wright. brother of the
county auditor, who is visiting CIeve-
land for a vacation period. and who
Is In the public service in his Scottish
home, tells this tale anent one Nc
Gregor, thrifty man in a land of
thrift, who was seen in Glasgow wear
ing a lustrous sparkler in his cravat.
To him said Sandy McDermott. who
gin We thee dimon'. McGregor? ''
"Nobbut meseIf." was the answer.
"Oh, aye" ventured the ques-
toner. "Ye've been trating yersel.'
eh?"
mo that, eyether," McGregor made
reply. But We ken I'm execooter of
the estate o. Sammis McDougal."
can ye ha' yer hans in the pile
the noo?''
flush, mon!" said McGregor. look
ing hurt. "'Tis a. i tn will. First,
it said. his lawful debts were to be
paid, which was onnaicessary under
law. Then, it said. tn execooter was
to set aside 35 pun for tn buryin.'
Dye mind?'
ooh, aye" responded McDermott.
''An' then he wishd tn exc
cooter to procure as handsome a
stone as could be had in a. Classy fer a
matther o. 10 pun"
Aye
"Aweel, mon.'' concluded Nc
Gregor; "this is the stone."-Cleve-
land leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

The Manager-we had % people in the
house last night. His F'riend-CSood The
new play must be catching on. The Man
ager-Weil, wouldn't go so far as to
say that. Eleven of the % were process
servers and more deputy sheriffs-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

so you are convinced that Bacon wrote
the Shakespearian plays?" IT am" an
swered the British dramatist But
Bacon was a politician rather than a
poet" That's just the point. Only
man with a political pull could have pro-
duced some of those plays without trou-
BILE with government censorship.'-Wash-
ington Star.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Young Lady-Give me one yard of-wl1y,
haven't seen you before? Diapers As
sistant-Oh Maud. have you forgotten me7
/ saved your life at the seaside last sum-
mer. Young, Lady (warmly)-Why. of
two yards Of the ribbon, plesse.-Illus-
trated Bits.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Say. Paw said little Sammy Short
MIR. Silverton told me today that was
a SECOND ECON edition of you" That was nice
or him., rejoined old man Short. How
a quarter" answered Short, Jr.-ChicagO
News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

says women get the worst of II in this
world?" II do, but how are we going to
change the situation as long as they will
not learn to quit stepping or backwards
from moving cars?''-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Young Sister-What, you can't ride a BIZ
cycle yet, and Jack has been teaching YOU
for three weeks? Elder Sister-Yes but he
hasn't proposed yet-Chips.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Teacher-You can't add two different
kinds of things. For instance, you can't
add an orange and an apple and get more
apples JohnnyABut, teacher. when you
add a piece of meat and a dog you get
more dog.-Harvard Lampoon.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-20

Percy Pickle-Aw--I thought heard you
tell Miss Wose that you were never kiss
ed by a man? Miss Tabasco-So / did.
Percy Pickle-But-aw-pawdo me; 1
kissed you lawst night Miss Tabasco-I
said a man.-Philadelphia Bulletin.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-07
There IS NO WAY
National Banks Can't Enter into
Insurance Scheme.
Wickersham Says That Mutual
Plan Isn't Legal.
ANTV ACT 0E CONGRESS
ONLY ACTOR CONGRESS
This Is Necessary Before Gov
eminent o. II. Is Given.
Kansas Legislature Could Not
Remove Guaranty Obstacle.

Washington, April mo system OF
mutual insurance can be devised, IN d..
probability, that will enable natlondi
banks to insure their deposits. An
amendment to the national banking act
probably would be required to MAKE
legal even voluntary insurance asso-
citation, as we'll as to enable the ma
tional banks to avail themselves OIL the
Kansas guaranty law.
This general proposition was not put
up directly to Attorney General WICK
ersham by the officials, but he SAID
that he was strongly inclined to the
opinion that a national bank mas no
right to make a contract to pay money
to guarantee claims in the hands OF It's
depositorS." The opinion of the attor-
new general, in response to the request
of Governor Stubs and the Kansas Of
ficialS was furnished late Tuesday
afternoon and sent to the secretary of
the treasury and the comptroller of the
against the contention of Governor
Stubs and his Kansas associates.
Contract for a Third Party.
The opinion is based chiefly on the
system of dual control involved in the
Kansas law, which the attorney gen.
era1 thinks would force a national bank
to put up assets, the security of which
acts of a state official. This he be-
lieves would be illegal But, incidental
ly, Mr.. Wickershan suStains the opin-
ion of Attorney General Bonaparte in
the Oklahoma case that national banks
may not participate in deposit insur-
ance because that would be making a
contract for the benefit Of a third
party" which the supreme court has
decided is unlawful
The Kansas legislature attempted
to avoid Mr.. Benaparte's objections"
the attorney general said, "by provid-
ing a limited guarantee. But within
the limitations the same objections
seem to me to hold good. The nation
al banks would still run against the
supreme court decision which govern
ed Mr. Bonaparte's opinion
Prevents Mutual Organizations
Gould the Kansas legislature amend
the act so as to remove these OBJ
stacles?'' Mr.. Wickersham was asked
Only an amendment to the nation
al banking act would answer he re-
piled. Il told Governor Stubs that
| knew of no way for the, legislature
to help matters. There must be con-
gressional action
Gould the national bankers form a.
voluntary association to insure de-
''That is pretty broad question and
I couldn't give final opinion off
hand. But I strongly incline to the
belief that the supreme court decision
stands in the way of any action. Of
that kind. At this moment I do not
see how any plan for deposit guaranty
could be devised that national banks
could avail themselves of without
further action by congress. But this
is merely my impression. No definite
plan has come to me for an opinion"
Unless the attorney general on
further consideration should change
his opinion his stand would prevent
the formation of the proposed mutual
deposit insurance organizations of ma
tional banks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-07
TO BUILD AT ONCE.
tuberculosis Sanitarium to Accommo-
date $50 Patients, Near Chicago.

Chicago, April THE city's appro-
val OF a municipal tuberculosis SAM
tarium by a vote of four to one has
been followed by Immediate activity
in preparations looking toward its
establishment.
The idea is to have the sanitarium
completed by a year from next fall.
The first tax levy cannot be made till
next year. If it is found possible to
borrow on the strength of next years
tax the work will be begun almost i'm
mediately.
According to tentative plans the
sanitarium will be located outside the
city, probably at a distance of from
% to 80 miles. 1t is proposed that it
be built to accommodate $50 patients
Statistics show that there are usual
ly between 10000 and $4,000 victims
of tuberculosis in Chicago. One fourth
of these are in early stages of the dis
ease, and it is on this basis that the
estimate of $50 is made of those who
would probably seek entrance to the
sanitarium. Only those in early or
moderately advanced stages of the dis
ease will be accepted as the project
was launched for the purpose Of cur
ing the patients and not as a place for
those who have reached such an ad-
vanced stage that their cases are
hopeless. This latter class will be
cared for at the new Cook county hos
pital to be opened next fall.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-07
STOPPED A FIGHT.
New York Police Arrest Promoters as
Well as Principals.

New York, April marked police
activity Is noticeable since Gov. Hughes
has made inquiries concerning the hold
ing of prize fights in New York
Following the raid Monday night on
the Marathon Athletic, club of BROOK
Ign, in which two boxers. their handlers
and the ring officials were arrested,
the police interrupted a fight in
cellar beneath a saloon in Seventh
avenue. Three hundred men were as
sembled to witness three fights but the
Police stopped the contest after two
had been held and arrested the fight
ers, the referee and the timekeeper.
The fights were we'll advertised as a
Testimonial on the part of friends of
a local pugilist. Tickets according to
the police, were sold for $1.50 and the
box office discontinued business only
when the house was full. Four police
men succeeded in purchasing tickets
and they were among the crowd which
gathered around a dimly lighted ring.
The only entrance to the cellar was
by trap door in the floor of the sa-
loon above.
When the third bout was about to
start a policeman jumped into the ring
The spectators rushed for the ladder
leading to the trap door, but there
they were met by a large squad OF off1-
GERS who turned soda bottles upon them
and beat them back. frightened and
angry The prisoners were arraigned
in the night court and held in $500 bail
each for examination.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-07
LOST HIS WHISPERS.
He Went TO Sleep and Now He Is
Suing the Barber.

New York, April 7.-Samuel StieeIer
a barber in that vicinity of Brooklvn
known as East New York. is due to
appear in court today to explain why
he cut off Morris Kruetzer's forty wear
growth of whiskers without orders.
hruetzer climbed into the barber chair
after instructing the barber to tri,,,
MS beard, dozed into gentle
slumber.
When he awoke he screamed with
rage and modification when he saw
tnat he was clean shaved. AS he is
65 years old and his beard was tbe
pride of his life and part of his re-
iig1on he had the barber arrested. II
is expected that a crowded court will
hear the case today.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-07
Left Fat; Back Slender
By "FOoTLIGHTs I"

Glau and his overweight chorus from
the "Aeroplane'' company have returned
to New York in what may be described
as greatly reduced circumstances. Not as
to finances. let it be said, nor yet in num-
bers, glory be, but in avoirdupois-that is
to say, gross flesh. The entire galaxy has
lost out in this respect, much to it's ad-
vantage.
1t seems the people out west will sup
port slim batterinos, and no other, and
our famous balloon chorus carried, so
to speak, weight with them. They
treated that prize collection of fat New
York beauties with unprecedented cold
ness. Consequently, Glau faced the prob
lem of reducing the entire front and rear
rows at once, or shipping them back-"ex-
cess baggage. 1t was terrific job, as
all who saw the "Aeroplane'' before it left
this tolerant town will admit, but our in
genious townsman tackled it and sue
thereby hangs a tale worthy of any fat
lady'S attention
Glau didn't rehearse his flock into shape
nor starve them into line. nor yet worry
salaries regularly and let them eat and
drink as they listed He simply hung up
a new rule in the dressing rooms to the
effect that every lady less than five foot
seven who weighed in excess of $50 pounds
must take a teaspoonfui after each meal
and at bedtime Cor about where her bed
time ought to be), of the following: One
half ounce Carmola. Y ounce Fluid Ex-
Peppermint Water.
They did it and in month averaged a
loss of a pound day apiece That's a
pleasant, harmless and a worker from the
word 60 Wish / could get railroad
rate reducer half as good