davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

more complete imbecile in your life?
Election bet, 1 suppose? / said to
him.
'Nope-nothing even so dignified as an
election bet he replied. 1t was on ac-
count of pif1ihg bet l. made last night
as to the spelling of a word. My lawyer
came down here from New York to have
noon. We postponed the talk till after
we'd had dinner. The dinner was pretty
protracted one, and it wasn't lacking in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

ter taffy plants he went in-the folks in
the store staring and then grinning at the
apparition-and asked for a chocolate ice
cream SODA. 1t wasn't anything like a
day for chocolate ice cream soda, of
course but that's what he wanted and
that's what he got. After he'd finished
the first chocolate ice cream soda he
asked for another, and got 1t; then one
more, making three in all.
Then he came out of the soda plant
and hit it up. his linen buster flying in
the wind. and holding on to his straw
hat. toward the Inlet. From the Inlet he
Boardwalk. l didn't follow him all Of
that distance. that being a little more
hoofing than l ever calculate on accom-
plishing on my day of rest: but | know
he made of it with his queer tcgs on.
When he reached the end of the
Boardwalk he trudged over to Atlantic
avenue and got trolley car to fetch him
got off the car and briskly made for his
hotel, one of the best of the Boardwalk
hotels
II saw that same man at dinner in the
dining room of the Boardwalk hotel that
evening. He was fine-looking chap in
evening clothes, and he was entertain
ing merry company. An hour or so
after dinner. when he was lounging I'm
the lobby smoking cigar. ! was intro
duced to him by the hotel manager.
After a little chatter l told him that
I'd seen his little stunt of the morning!
| added that while | wasn't innately in
uuisitive. would like to;-er-know just
why
.'.Oh, so yeu saw the idiotic perform
ance,' did your he interrupted me.
agreebly enough. Did you ever see
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

n Sunday after
noon last, at At
lantic City. I spent
considerable time
in studying the
mystifying curves
of a man who. it
appeared, had con-.
siderable m Or e.
nerve than brains
observed a govern
ment official who
makes little monot-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

straw hat. a long linen buster and low
shoes. Thus diked out, and in the fiurries
of SHOW. he started down the Boardwalk
a crowd after him
He paid no attention to anybody, but
just heat ii down the Appian way OF the
sea. Everybody figured that he was be-
latedly paying an election bet. When he
came 10 one of those soda and salt Wa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25
The Soulful Florist.
,om the Newark News.

From the Newark News.
Il don't believe that God ever made tn.
flowers TO SELL said the Broad street
florist IF I was rich 1 wouldn't sell
a one. | would raise the beautiful things
to give away to people who need them.
to thei poor and the sick and the tired"
The FOR st looked as. IL he meant what
ne said. too
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

In fact. We sat for a couple
of hours after dinner, tucking in cold
killers, and by the time we adjourned the
session in order to take ZIP the business
session in my rooms, we were both of US
what you might call sort o gallumphish
and wooZeriEed, so to speak
We'll. he showed me a document he
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

fore coming out 1t made folks shudder
just to see him.
when he came out OF the sea, he
jumped up and down, as we'll he might
have, for minute so, Hacking his
arms to whip up a circulation then he
raced back under the Boardwalk to the
bathing house.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

Il happened 10 linger around that part
of the Boardwalk, and inside of about
ten minutes that same man who had TAX
en- the sea bath came out of the bathing
house. He was wearing a e-brimmed
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-25

p from the denudeJ
foothills n t o the.
dim, d a + k forests
On the upper TANKS
Of the Sierras, old
mSn III o g a N 4, the
lumber king, had
led the way. Black
wastes, dotted here
and t l. re with
fallen re d w o 0 d
e i a n I s, deserted
mills and empty
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Whats the An.merY

Jake Hodges. Of Texas. had toiled long
and earnestly at a county convention in
Lamar County. and the heat Of the battle
had got into his head says Norman Z.
Macl's National Monthly. He staggered
out into the cool night air and unInow-
insly wandered into the grounds Of an
insane asylum. Mistaking a solemn.
spectral figure for a tree. Jake leaned
against f. II moved and spoke, saying
Peace be with you"
Well. I'm derned' said Jake, hopping
HIS brow. Thought you wuz a post I
shore begs yoh pahdon."
You are forgiven said the stranger.
My names Hodges" said Jake as he
sought TO collect his differing wits and
make the amende honorable. What
might youths be-
Men called me Paul when I was on
earth" was the reply Some indeed.
were kind enough to call me st. Paul"
We'll this is a piece OF luck" cried
Hodges. 'Dern my skin, but ahm plumb
glad to see yoh. Theh's something Alive
been wantin' tub ask you fer a long time.
Mind, you don't have TO answer eff yoh
don wan tub, but Alive been curious TO
know ef yoh ever got an answer to that
long letter yoh wrote to the Ephesians? %
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

II is an urgent appeal 70 the public.
and ultimately TO Congress, that is made
by DIR. Charles w. Eliot. as president Of
the National Conservation Association.
He confirms the existence OF a real dan
ger that coal and water. the great
sources Of heat and mechanical power
in tho United States, are in peril OF being
appropriated by private monopolies. The
eX-president Of Harvard would have these
sources preserved and developed IN the
interest OF the whole people. He points
out that the existing law as TO coal lands
are inadequate to protect the public in
terest. Nevertheless. such protection as
It does afford should be vigorously en-
forced. At present. coal lands in the
possession OF the government are being
rapidly absorbed IN Alaska. the coal
fields have been withdrawn from entry.
but the legality of that action is IN ques-
ton. As It is, tho government can charge
only SO an acre for these lands, or less
than one-tenth their value The legal
test OF the withdrawal OF the Alaskan
lands may be delayed temporarily. That
delay will afford an opportunity for Con-
gress to act at the coming session. The
situation as to water power in the pub
lie domain and IN navlgable streams, is
similar 10 that as TO coal
These are. in brief. the reasons for
Or. EHot's appeal. and it is for citl-
zens 10 respond by bringing their indi-
vidual pressure TO bear upon Senators
and Representatives. Assuming the prem
ises to be undlsputed, this is a case
Of grave national Importance, that seems
TO admit Of no controversy. Its mere
statement should carry conviction and
induce the needed legislative action to
protect the public interest against private
exploitation.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
go La Don,t Lie.

From the Hcunetta Tex Independent.
The man who imports $1,000 worth o.
diamonds pays tax OF but 500 % per
cent. II he imported 1000 shirts. worth
81 each. he would have 10 leave az the
custoru-house and tack onto his selling
prices S60l.6o. Gals per cent II he decided
that be would bring IN Slor0 worth OF
chan1pa gne, one OF the items upon which
there IS a large increase. the tax levied
by the tariff is 500. II he brought in
81 coo worth Of blankets he would pay q
tariff tax Of $l,64542 II he brought in
81 600 worth OF paintings and statuary, all
he would have 10 pay as customs duties
would be 500. but II Il were sugar he
would pay S7SS70 tax on $1,000 worth. II
he brought IN $1,000 worth OF jewelry he
would have 70 pay $500 tariff tax, but II
no brought IN SI.009 worth Of wooden dress
goods no would pay E,05192 tariff. II he
imported a 5000 automobile the tariff
takers would relieve him Of sea II {;
were $500 worth Of yarns the tariff tax
would be $3.50 II the Importation were
5000 worth OF furs the tariff tax would
be $3.50, but II & were 5000 worth OF
clothing that tax would be $3.50 II some
New York millionaire brings In a $4,000
ocean yacht the tariff would be $500
but Il the importation were stockings the
tariff collected would be So $50.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
How He Got Rich.

From the Cleveland Leader
He tiptoed into our Office and made
several mysterious signs before we were
aware OF his presence.
Sir" he said, when he was sure no.
body else WAS listening, "Sir, wish to
give you the opportunity OF interviewing
the wizard OF the age
We replied with some feeble wttticism
TO the effect that had he brought 1t wiz
him, but he continued:
Ten years ago, a temperance lecturer
assured me that If 1 would save the price
Of my daily drinks, I would soon be able
TO own that brick block across the street
He also said that II every day I should
deposit my cigar money, in ten years I
should nave saved enough TO buy the de-
partment store at the other end OF the
block
Yes we Interrupted YEARLY. We've
heard it before. You followed his ad-
vice and to-day you'd like 10 borrow"
TO borrow nothing" cried the
stranger. To-day I own those TWO
buildings and the wroIe block in between
them. And I'm sole local agent for
Killumscoon Whisky Can I sell you a
case, cheap"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

than to physical training. despite the
enforced military requirements. Eng
llshmen may persist in cricket in tropic
India: but the Frenchman parleys sue
cessfully in Africa.
Perhaps after all # is necessary to
revert to the maxim that an army fights
on its stomach There are various ways
Of acquiring the appetite that precedes
good digestion. and there are other ways
Of promoting that digestion The British
like walking after dinner-that is. when
In the country. The French again re-
vert 10 the art Of conversation. while
the Germans smoke and ponder over their
beer. Perhaps the problem OF digestion
is moving cause of moderate exercise.
An American meal sometimes demands
subsequent pedestrianism for it's peace
ful assimilation. Yet here the necessity
may be the mother Of an increased af-
lection for the open air and the high
ways The street car in cities may have
a subtle relation to lack Of muscular de-
velopment II not OF appetite. Perhaps
dyspepsia may be a subtle spur 10 the
renewal OF acquaintance with the oxygen
izing charms Of nature.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
TREATMENT OF PRESIDENTS.
VariOus Endurance Tests Prepared
b. Reception Committee.

From fhe New York E7enirg Sun.
They snatched him from train and
rolled him away through a cloud Of dust
for hours and hours. They detached him
from all baggage and sent him OF 70 bed
while his clothes dried. They fed him on
ducks and squads and 'possum and bear
meat and all the while talked and talked
and talked after tne manner Of detectives
administering the third degree. They
stood him up before ten acres OF Texans
20 deliver a graceful little speech. Il
seemed as II they had exhaused every
known means OF killing a strong man.
But now comes the AIissourians with
new test They put him 20 sleep IN
the small hours on a river boat Then.
with the sun still below the horizon. they
bans on his stateroom door. Get up,
Get up they cry. You must dress IN
a hurry and drive over 10 the State nor
nal school. make a speech, inspect 1he
school. and plant a tree. And don't fail
20 be back by T. And Il all happened
just so-not fogettlnE even the tree.
Why abuse a man thus. you ask? Well
he's only the President; and, besides, no
body compels him 20 hop about the
country like a grasshopper He goes
voluntarily. All Of which. Il is respect
fully submitted. goes 20 show that there
should indeed be a society for the pro-
lection Of our Presidents from their own
amiability
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
The Supreme Test.

FFvn the Chicago Tibuno.
"Stllingia," said the young man. his
voice tremulous with suppressed emotion.
ARE you going to put me on the pazzlz?
Is this where I get on?"
Cnshed tears were in the lovely maid
ems eyes.
II She had shed them. they would not
have been in her eyes.
But let that pass.
Il have not said so. Godfrey" reIuc-
family she answered, 'in so many words.
But"
Listen. StlllDgia" he burst forth. I'm
petuOusly. rs there any othsr guy that's
got the inside track? Am I playing sec
ond fiddle TO some snoozer with plastered
hair, an ingrowing chin, and a pull at
the bank? II So"
mo. Godfrey. but"
Then why the Shadrach. Meshach, and
Abednego are you stalling me of? I
may not be a pampered child Of fashion.
but I'm on the dead lev. I've never been
caught with the goods Grille ever since
I was a kid you've been my one best
bet, and you know IT, I'm Old Faithful
from Kleengonvile. I've traHed along
on track OF a lovely hold-up or a bug
collector after a gorgeous butterfly All
my life I've been building bungalows IN
the afr for you 20 move into some day.
I'd rather look at your tintype than TO
eat four square meals. You are the
niftiest, peachiest dream that ever"
"Geoffrey" interrupted the beautiful
girl, standing erect before him. pale. but
calm and resOlute. Il know you love
me, and am touched as never before by
your devotion, but something seems 70
tell me that we are not truly mated"
Her voice faltered.
Godfrey she said. recovering herself.
I'VE must not make mistake that will
wreck our whole llvesl must ask you
one question:"
"Well?"
(which side do you take in this north
pole question:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Theater.going in Washington.

News comes from London that theater-
goers there are protesting against being
preached at from the stage SO extreme
is this spirit of rebellion that two tract
like plays have been withdrawn from the
stage. The runs Of several other moral
lzing dramas are drawing to untimely
ends.
When sermOnizing becomes preachment,
or when the tone of the play is so far
removed from the lesson it is meant 20
teach as 10 become a parody, then the
stage would better return TO its true
field Of entertainment and diversion.
Where the audience Is of a discriminate
ing class. such as the higher-prlced the
aters in Washington draw, there IS little
need for moralizng or an attempt at
elevation. Uplifting influences should be
in evidence, rather than the debasins
ones. but there should be careful de-
Hneation OF the mission of the stage.
In cities where the intellectual standard
IS not as high as in this city, the church
and the theater have more I'm common.
Among a population Of nondescript
types the drama should draw a moral.
Primarily meant for recreation. the ser
mon can be preached in a way that is not
offensive. and good viii result.
New York tends 70 the frivolous. for
there the froth is taken for the sub
stance. and the view of the average the
atergoer there. be he resident OF visitor.
is different from other cities Good
plays come out Of New York. and the
classics probably do as well as In other
cities; but this is due to the huge popuIa-
ton. a large part transient. the stage
there has 20 draw on.
Washington audiences are critical and
discriminating. They judge more lleenly,
owing to their broader knowledge and
their intimate acquaintance with various
types gathered in this city. Washington.
Ike London, can distinguish between
plays that appeal to tho intellect and to
the emotions.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Athletes and Efficiency.

The relationship between the athletics
Of nation and its efficiency does not
seem clear. outdoor exercise is popular
in Great Britain and its colonies and in
the United states, and perhaps the pres
ent shaping OF the affairs OF the world
lies largely in their hands. Yet In the
period when Napoleon and his legions
changed the map Of Europe. outdoor
sports were not popular among French
men. The followers Of Cortez and Pr
zarro were trained soldiers, but the
Spanish nation was not athletic The
enervating bath OF leisure and the adorn-
meuts Of the languid East were the
amusements OF the arlstocracy OF Rome
when that city ruled civilization. The
Germans OF to-day. whose possible ag-
gression inspires the building Of English
Dreadnoughts, are moro given to beer
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
The Pride of the Navy.

In the North Dakota we have, It ap-
pears, the greatest fighting craft ahoat
Theoretically, it is the most formidable
battle ship in the world, and no other
international peacemaker of it's kind may
run away from il or withstand its as
saults.
TINS state Of things. presumably. is
calculated TO induce sound sleep at night
and insure a calm and unrufied sense OF
security during the daylight hours. We
are to be the object Of any nations
wrath FOR the time being. because we
are so well prepared to back up our ar
guments with a great display Of warlike
preparation that no nation dare modest
Us or seek TO take any sort Of advantage
Of us. We are situated so that we may
preserve peace if we insist upon it, or
precipltate war If that seems the Mt and
proper thing 10 do
Patriots OF pugnaclous inclination. new
ertheless. should make all the hay posi-
bic while the sun shines in this regard.
Fame Of this persuasion is fleeing
thing, and a change is more than likely
soon 20 come DER the spirit OF our
dreams. While we have the biggest,
scrappiest. swiftest. most dangerous war
craft in existence to-day. some other as
plring government viii have us down and
out in respect of that next week. No
sooner is the biggest Dreadnought finished
than a bigger one is launched only a
short time ago. II seems. and England
gave 20 the world the one that inspired
John Sharp Williams illuminating sugges-
ton that this country should have a
"skeered o. nothing" to outshine It. so
20 speak. After Englands effort came
Gcrmanys and Japan's. and now we have
Them all beaten 10 a fragile with our
North Dakota.
incidentally, II may be noted that the
little old Brooklyn-or is # the Olym-
pia?-is being dismantled and headed for
The trash heap. Vessels Of their type
were considered something worth while
IN their tme-some ten years ago. Dewey
found them immensely handy at Manila.
Nowadays. however, they would not be
considered Of much use in a real naval
battle.
IL is rather an expensive game-this
thing Of being a world power" And,
doubtless IT has It's advantages. II seems
pity, for an Of that. that the end Of It
appears nowhere IN sight
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
ON THE OTHER HAND.

A spinning sat Priscilla fair;
John Alden came 20 WOO her there
SO she put down the spinning wheel
While he put up the winning spiel.
Kansas City Times
Though near deaths door. by all the signs
A man got well who dealt IN mines
For Death may love a shining mark.
And yet not love a mining shark
Chicago Tribune.
A dude vent broke. and though il hunt.
he got Job at hauling dirt;
It's hard 10 be a son Of toll
When you must haul a ton Of col
st Louis Star.
a business man may 30 in debt
And seldom make a cent and yet
A roll-top dssk sD5 telephone.
II cetro, give The fellow tone
Buffalo Evening News
A pastor scores the latest hats
Likewise the use Of ruTs and rats;
Ne thinks the breadth Of grille pates
Might even clog the pesrly gates
-CleVeland Pain Dealer.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10

From the Louisville Times
A certain Louisville social leader.
whom we VIII call Mrs. Fayette Coun-
y, to avoid identifying her. was told
by her husband over the telephone that
he would bring a number OF guests home
20 dinner The party was altogether IN
expected and in all the house, which
has become noted for the generous and
sumptuous dinners spread IN II. there was
not enough food.
Mrs County got busy al once and
instructed her cook 70 order certain sup
plies, while she planned the rest Of the
dinner. \ little later Mrs. County hap
pened N the room where the telephone
was, and was Mortified 10 hear The cook
talking ferOciously into the telephone,
something as follows:
AN All want six dozen sof shell crabs.
and ef 20 doan get dem up here mighty
quick Anil skin every one Of 20. We low
down-'Who is dis?' Dis is Mrs. Fay
cite County. dats who dis Is. and All
means cherry word All say"
Mandy" cried the mistress. What
90 YOU mean? You must not"
"Lawdy," returned the cook, that's all
right Miss Fay; All talks 70 'um Ike dat
for yo all de time"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
THE WATCHMAN.

In days Of old the Waterman strobe adown the lonely village
road and called the hours those who slept and often he called
he wePt Its ocock-the night foul I'm frozen sitter than
owp The watchan wanted folks that he endured
all sorts Of woe; in and winter gust he still
faithful to his and though the night calm and sweet he'd
abawlng down the street: Its oclock-an awful night!
The weather holy fright He knew that the people thought
his JOB soft he'd have his claims for wages wouldn't
wash and he would get grand hbosh And along the
he'd HE and split the wekin with his cry Its ocloc-the
night dour with earthquakes every other hour And there
statesmen nowadays who the wacman ways according
10 their strident headed for the bowwowwow but
wise do heed their obs they only howl hold their
jobs. WAIT Mason.
Copyright By George Matthew Adu.)
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Cold and Famine.

II is difficult 20 realize IN this land and
DAY OF comparative plenty that a cen
fury ago Europe was 10 the throes OF
starvation. Some recently published me-
moirs I'm Paris recall the cold OF the
winter Of 1909. that chilled even the palace
at Versailles. This pathetic incident IS
narrated: A poor woman stole q LOAF az
market The baker ran after her. She
burst into tears, saying: II you knew
my misery YOU would rot take it from
me. I have three little naked children,
without fire or bread. They cry with
hunger. 7 could not endure IL any longer.
that is why I stole this loaf" The mag
istrate 10 whom she had been taken said.
BE careful as 90 what you say, for !
mean 90 accompany you" And ne did.
on entering the room, no saw three little
children, covered with q few RAGS. hu6-
died together and shlvering He asked
the eldest Where IS your father2" The
child answered: Behind the door" The
magistrate went 20 see what the man
was doing behind the door. he had
hanged himself.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-11-10
Feminine Curiosity.

The curiosity OF women seems TO have
proved an aid to divorce IN Russia. a
number Of women there have presented a
petition 10 the Donna, IN the form OF a
request that husbands bs forbidden to
send their wives a bill Of divorce by mes
senger Under the present law, He
brew husband can put away his wife by
giving her a bin Of enforcement II she
refuses TO accept ii, IL is OF no effect;
but designing husbands have connived
with messengers 10 present the docu-
ment in a sealed envelope, and. said
the unnamed member OF the DOuma, he
had discovered by investigation that the
average wife was so curious that she had
been unable to reject an envelope which
she had every reason to suspect held a
bill OF divorce" For this reason ne
favored change IN the law Yet the
trouble seems 20 have been with the
lady rather than with the law.