The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-01
HOW THE SUMMER BORE
 MAY BE FLAGGED

I guess you don't live in an atmosph ere or historical associations up around i there, what7
 That's the seashore section where fellow can take his ease, too, eh? No durned dressing up and all that stuff like you have to do when you make the fashionable Massa chusetts places, like I magnolia and Buzzards Bay. and all that sort O stuff
 So you've been Cape Codding, eh7
 Well, you showed sense tn ere, son, you sure did. Going there again this year 1 myself"
 Nine times out of ten this will stop him, especially if you adroitly start in to change the subject right where you leave off. If he's a persistent chap or even little suspicious of you, perhaps l nell unreel the names of a lot of 1 places up on the Massachusetts coast | that he's visited and that you've never even heard of. If he does this your method is to beat him to 1t by taking l the names of the actual places right l out of his mouth and naming lot of imaginary places.
 'Shucks, yes, could mooch all around those places in my sleep. walking back ward, you say to him, "and all of the other little fishing villages besides-Blue- taug, Mayrumbeak, Plsmouthbark. Squill- gake, and all the rest of em-why. say, if l had just one copper cent for every mile of that country I've prowled in," etc.
 You can hardly fail to annex his angora by rattling off in this way a whole lot of neat artificial names. His suspicion of you evaporates and he makes no fur ther attempt to slide you his vacation experiences.
 The returned European tourists are by no means hard to handle, either. Most of 'em go the same route when they hit up the continent of Europe and visit about the same places It isn't at all necessary that you should have been to Europe in order to switch 'em when they try to make a running start on you with their vacation "reminiscences.
 For instance, there's the fellow who after spending just four weeks abroad begins every sentence when he gets back with When I was in Paris"
 Just look little Bright Eyes over" he begins on you first time you meet him afer his return. land tell him if you think he overlooked any bets over wonder on the other side. Say, old chum. when was in Paris
 "Ho, ho; leave 1t to you to scout out the places in Paris where there's action for your coin,' you chop in right there. and of course he Is flattered by the words you employ in breaking in upon him.
 S pose you didn't do a thing to the Moulin Rouge, eh? Not solitary thing. what?
 Course the Red Mill isn't what she was back wonder in the early sos when I took my first wallop at 1t. but it's pretty nifty yet. I dropped in there for little whiz around in the summer of 1906. yknow Did you have a peek at the Dead Rat? Guess don't have to ask you 1oh-- around there by the guilty look in your wiclzs.
 Some little burg, Paris; eh, party? I've been there seven or eight times, put every time take hack at 1t I enjoy II more-whieh is natural enough s'pose, because learn more about 1t every trip. Gee, but always come back feeling bum after hitting up Paris, and it's as- tonishing to see you looking so ehipper; but l reckon you laid up and took the rest cure for week or so after landing dent on the pelt of Paris, what?"
 It's bound to please him so enormously to have you suggest that he must have dissipated outraseously In Paris that he won't particularly mind being thus switched from the "reminiscences that he'd intended to sift out to you. If you don't succeed in stopping him after unspooiing the remarks already given, why, the sys- tenn is to start right in to jabber lot of phony French names of alleged show places in Paris
 Say" you begin, "did you get around to that pretty little cafe chantant in the Noodezoo quarter, called Le Enfant Kazeek? No? Well, say, y'must have been camping out, feller, for that's where 1t sure Is. Then there's that bully little al fresco eating place on the outskirts of Bonfanquer, called Au Picquer Folies de Manteau-did you make that?
 Why, say, what were you doing in Paris anyhow-Honiton lace work? Don't see how you could possibly have avoided taking a crack at Au Picquer Folies de Manteau. l thought all hands went there Give you a swell little fish dinner, you know, with singing and all that sort of thing, for seven francs.
 "Oh, yes. expensive dinner of course. but, goshl the surroundings alone of Au Picquer Folies de Manteau are worth the money. Next time you trot over you must take that place in." etc.
 You'll surely have nailed his nanny by this time, and the result is that he draws in his horns completely, seeing how perfectly at home you are in your Paris, and thus you make your escape.
 Another comparatively easy way to sidetrack the returned hurry up tourist Of Europe when he starts in to un- spool his stuff is to make him feel cheap because he hasn't travelled much First you ascertain how long he was abroad.
 "Oh. only four weeks" he may say, but l sure did do heap of traipsing around In that time. Did London of course and Paris and a couple days in Berlin, and by that time I had to hop back to England to snag the steamer back-had a limited tourists ticket, ysee-but, gosh if didn't see Europe proper, why@
 Well, yes" you sift in at this point, of course you did have a hurried little glimpse of ft-you must take pains not to make your tone patronizing, but merely restrospectiYe here="but later