Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-08-27
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uaVe.-1OWn topics.
Doctor-You have some sort of poi
son In your system. Patient-Sh Shouldn't
wonder. What was that stuff you gave
mei-New York Sun.
She-Mother never leaves the house.
She simply hates visiting. He with
sudden decision)-Will you be mine,
darling ?-Boston Transcript.
Your town enjoys the reputation of
being the home of two Congressman,
doesn't it?' mo, 1t doesn't enjoy it
1t has it!"-New York Herald.
do you know anything about firt-
Ing" NO" he replied sadly. II
thought did, but when l tried 1t the
girl married me"-Roston Globe
Ethel-Didn't it seem an age from
the time you were engaged till you got
married? Maud-Yes, but Jack and l
managed to squeeze through 1.-THE
Tatler
He-Wonder why 1t is they always
speak Of the "blushing brideY She
Nothing very remarkable about it, con-
sidering the kind of men most women
marry.-Illustrated Bits.
Clara-That man who just passed
was an old flame Of mine. Kate-In-
deed! What happened between you?
Clara-Oh, he fiared up one day and
went out.-Boston Transcript.
He-And you won't go with me? She
No. I don't like your STYLE He
Pooh! You're as full of airs as a
street piano. She-Maybe, but don't
go with a crank.-Cleveland Leader.
Father (angrily)-If my son marries
that actress shall cut him off abso-
utely, and you can tell him so. Legal
Adviser-I know better plan than
that-tell the girl.-The Law Journal.
II suppose your wife was tickled to
death at your raise in salary?" "She
will be-" Haven't you told her yet 2"
No; thought l would enjoy myself
for a couple Of weeks first" Nashville
American.
"You go around borrowing money,
and yet you seem to be prosperous" :"
II am" "How do you manage it?"
MY motto is, Always put off till to-
morrow those you have done today"
cleveland Leader.
The Employer-Young man, l don't
see how, with your salary, you can af-
ford to smoke such expensive cigars.
The Employe-You're right, sir-I
can't; ought to have bigger salary.
cleveland Leader.
"Your husband wor good man." de-
clared the sympathetic Mrs. Casey to
the bereaved widow "He wor!" ex-
claimed Mrs. Murphy, dashlng the tears
from her eyes. "No two policeman cud
handle him."-Tit-Bits
"What sort of an after-dinner speak
er is Bliggins?' "One of the kind who
start in by saying they didn't expect
to be called on, and then proceed to
demonstrate that they can't be called
OH. washington star.
Riggs-I understand that you encour-
age your son to practice on the cornet
Griggs-Yes, sir. He's only been play
ing two months, but to-day l bought
the house next door to me for one half
Of Its value.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Wife-Billy, dear, l stitched up the
hole in your trousers pocket last night
after you had gone to bed. Now, am !
not thoughtful little wife? Husband
Him; how did you know there was a
hole in my pocket?-New York Times
| Practical Father-Has that young
pan who wants to marry you got any
money? Romantic Miss-Money! He
gave me cluster diamond ring studded
with pearls. Practical Father-Yes,
know. But has he any money left?-
Stray Stories.
Patient-Are you sure, doctor, that
this health food that you have recon-
mended Is nourishing? Doctor-Sure.
Why, know It, The man who intro
duced that health food not only lives
but supports large family on it.
Stray Stories.
do you ever lose that umbrella Of
lyours?" asked the maiden. mo,
don't" replied the man, sternly; ''tht
person who takes that umbrella will
have to take me- "Do l understand
that to be a proposal Of marriage OF
a threatT-Yonkers Statesman.
Autolst (who has paid boy to brins
assistance)-Did you give the farmer
my message boy? Boy-Yep; l tolt
him ther' wuz four autobeelers stucl
In drift, an cuddent git out. Autos
What did he say? Boyle said
"Hooray" an gimme another quarter
Life.