davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
CHAPTER ~.

When Jeanne wakes next morning,
King Frost rules supreme over New
ton Regis; the easement win -
are covered with delicate flinee Of
rime, the roads are like iron, and the
old chestnut tree. whose leaves
brush her windows in summer time.
is covered with white. The moment
she is dressed, Jeanne drags bonnet
box from the wardrobe, and olsen
tombs her skates, and views them
with vague thanlduness. For
Jeanne spoke the mple truth when
she limited at the danger which at
tended small articles at the Gate
House. Mrs. Dostrell was an excel
lent woman, a genius at cookery, and
amabe 20 a fault; but, like most
genuses when pushed. she was ter.
tile In resources, and the most iucCu.
gruous articles were made to do duty
In sudden shifts.
so il continually came TO pass that
the dinner napkins were used as dus
ters. the hall chairs for impromptu
ladders. portions OF the best tea sery-
ices for Iam-potS. and Ha $ skates
bad served 60 prop up che bee barrel
And If sut~ uuconsidgred tribes csc
capped Aunt DostreH. There was uncLr
Dostrel TO seize upon lhem as ma
erials for his eudless experiments.
Even now. AIS Jeanne runs doHn
the stairs .heGe IS a strong smell Of
a0-iug acids mingjing with the odor
@. tho bacon ana saasages, aud Uucle
Dosu.ll himself energies from his
. laboratory with pieces of cottonwood
en,aug'ed in his buttons, and sim
moring of steel filings, in his gray
/ hair.
J Uncle DISTRICTS experiments never
get any further than cNperjmeu. s,
never produce anything more useful
/ than a sulphurous smoke. and un,
fortunately. are attended, like most
/ chemical experiments, by atrocious
smells.
/ Wen. Jeanne, my dear!" he says,
smiling through his dazed, preocCu-
pied eyes. Cot your skates .'eady?-
/ lrec2lng, l suppose. Strange ar
rangement of straps I've often Won
dered why they couldn't invent some
thing simpler; If you'll let me have
them after breakfast III see If l
can't fix spring instead----"
But Jeanne. made wary by expert
ence. clings to her skates tenaciously,
and laughs No. thank you, uncle,
know, youll file them all away, and
dissolve them, as YOU did the brooch
YOU We're going to regild.
Tut, tut" says the old gentleman,
smiling. You'll never appreciate sci
euce Jeanne"
Not while it devours everythne
tina, comes within its reach But
acome along. uncle. don't so back
! breakfast is ready And. oh uncle,
want five shiuings Tor HATS new
skates
Eth. certainly my dear says the
old man. ambling i'm his pockets
promptly. bu, he brings out nothing
in the shape Of money, save q shilling
and a half-penny, reposing among bits
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
A Good Breakfast the Thlnn.

Dr. Woods Hutchinson in the Wo-
mans Home Companion.-It is Gus
tomary to make the first meal of the
day slightly the lightest and dis
tinctly the plainest and simplest of
the three. If there be any deficiency
OF the appetite, breakfast Is the meal
at which this is most likely to show
itself But the lack or appetite is In
nine cases out of 10 clearly traceable
TO sleeping in an unventilated room
or to late hours in foul air the night
before, or to insufficient exercise the
preceding day, and is no indication
that the body really requires less food
at this time. Perfectly healthy men
who sleep with their windows open
and so to bed at a reasonable hour,
viii tell you that they enjoy their
breakfast as well as any other meal
Of the day. and many even call it
their best meal
Another popular delusion in regard
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
THE BANKS AND ADVERTISING.


The fact that the deposits in the
Oneida On. " Savings bank have in
creased about $4,000 during the past
six months, and this in spite of the
general depression and the cry that
many people were out of employment,
is unquestioned evidence, says the
Oneida Dispatch, that it pays a bank
as well as merchants to advertise.
Someof the more skeptical trustees
may still profess to believe that this
increase was due to a natural business
growth or to other influences of enter.
prise on their part; but, inasmueh as
the bank has carried an advertise
ment in the local papers for about a
year, they must admit that advertis-
ing was partly or wholly the means
of bringing in this extra large sum OF
money. The increase is there, and
no one can deny that the advertising
Influenced much of it.
Banks in other cities ahve Increased
both their deposits and assets through
intelligent and systematic advertising.
In Plttsburg the banks that advertise
in the newspapers show an increase
in assets of SO per cent and in de-
posits of IS per cent in period of
five years while those that did not
advertise gained in the same time
only q per cent in deposits and II
per cent in assets.
What is true n this regard Of the
banking business is undoubtedly true
of other forms of activity. 1t is the
man that advertises persistently and
intelligeBJiy who wins the big prizes
q the business world.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
Diving for Coins in the Sea.

AS we drew in and came to anchor,
we saw descending upon us a fleet of
small, curious boats, filled with half
naked men. We suspected now that
Madeira wcs d cannital island, and
prepared for the worst. 1t was not
quite as bad as that; they merely
wanted US to throw coins over into
the liquid azure which they call water
in this country, whereupon their divers
would try to intercept the said coins
somewhere between the top and bot
tom of the sea. We didn't believe they
could do it, but We tried. and as usual
found that the other fellow knew his
own game better than we did.
If those amphibians did not always
get the coins, they gen orally did. They
could see them perfectly in that amaz-
ing water, and they could dive like
seals. Some of he divers were mere
children poor. lean creatures. who
stood up in their boats and shouted
and implored and swung their arms
in wild invitation to us to fling our
money overheard. Bat they did not
want small moaey-at least, not very
small money-hrey declined to dive
Tor pennies. Perhaps they could only
distinguish the CLEAN Of the white
metal Let a nickel or a dime be
tossed ovcr and two or three were af.
ter it in dash while a vehement
outbreak Of Portuguese from all the
rest eu,roatod still further largess.
10 was really a good show. and being
The 1rs Of It's Eiud we enjoyed it,
Albert Rieelow Paint IN Outing Nag
azlne.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06

not fear. She goes down on her
knees, tears OF her gloves, and deity
removes the cause Of trouble. Mas
ter terrier watches the operation with
intense anxiety and interest, and, on
its conclusion, jumps TO his feet with
bark of grateful satisfaction, but
mis- bark is too premature; the thorn
is gone, Jul the pain is left behind.
and, with yell, he falls back, and,
holding up the leg, regards it dole
fully
why, you can't walk says
Jeanne; your poor foot's so swollen,
isn't it? Well, never mind; must
carry you. Where do you live? Why,
you a.e one of the Park dogs"
Master Terrier does not deny it, and
whines for Jeanne to take him up,
which she is about to 10, when a
mans voice, directly behind her,
says:
What is the matter?"
Jeanne starts-not SO much at the
unexpected sound Of human voice,
but because she recognizes it, and
turns her head.
Behind her, on the path, stands her
victim of the preceding evening, his
six feet looking gigantic on the path
above, his dark eyes regarding her
with grave amusement.
Either he does not recognize her or
does not choose to exhibit such recog-
milton, and Jeanne, with a wild hope
of getting rid OF him. says, quietly:
Nothing, thank you; at least, it's
a thorn in mis- foot"
Mind how you handle him, then,
says the quiet voice Dogs in pain
bite sometimes"
"No. they don't-never, scarcely,
retorts Jeanne, with quiet indigna-
ton. I'm not airaid OF Elm"
"All right" he says. coolly But
hadn't you better let me take the
thorn out?"
i've taken it out, replica Jeanne,
but he cart walk"
Let him try says the stranger.
He has, and he can't says Jeanne,
decisively. His foot is quite swollen,
poor fellow!"
The stranger jumps into the ditch,
and bends down.
1T is swollen he says. Didn't
you discover it at once?"
No says Jeanne. 1T isn't my,
dog; I found him here: he was cry
ing am going to carry him home" Z
The stranger looks at her skates
and her muG, both lying on the path,
and with great alacrjty, says
ALLOW me to 90 so; you are ALL
ready loaded, and he is no light
weight for you"
Il can manage it, says Jeanne.
And she picks UP The terrier and
reaches for her skates; but when she
has secured them, there is the muff,
and by the time she has got that, one
skate has fallen, the dog bowls, and
the stranger mods, as if he knew how
it would be-
Il do not like to contradict you.
he says, but you see you can't carry
him. Allow me-"
Jeanne heSltates Tor q moment;
then, with evident reluctance, motions
10 the skates.
"The dogs the heaviest" he re-
marks, quietly,
"Pll carry him" says Jeanne.
He bows, takes up the skates, and
gives her his hand up the ditch.
To be continued
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
Economy in Bank LiaulaatIon.


NY loi banker ana Stockholder'
"e'ols the new law wen INTO ef-
ieo' ~ Ne" foIh stare the hquldatloh
- " t''i7e 0@''A Was q JOY 20 no one
~ 'ne iott Hate man VINO was
tf",9o ~ eiiaise. ne attorney gen
a'Ei ol the s'ate ~ l9o2 reported 70
ne legislature INST Ae ha1 caused 70
"e Coll'l'iiee lll7 cos OF Aq'lioa ING
4'S',i eng aaAhiHs ara insurance con-
ga''es .9t q Pe.ioa on ~ years COW
my az cases. ana ae showed mat
'l.t expense o. large ualnler III
muse iece'Fe'S.'il'S Raa hee0 from ~
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06

DO YOU think that man is suffering
from exaggerated egoe
A man never suffers from exagger-
ated ego. answered the eminent alien
list HE always appears to enjoy IT,
Washington Star.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06
SONG.

Think not TO live tomorrow
With Happiness for mate,
N0r for the Present borrow
A thought disconsolate;
And II your share be sorrow,
Accept it so, and wait.
Oh. never was measure
That overran with tears,
But Time doth Ill with pleasure,
Full sweet, in after years:
FOR. oh, we never treasure
That which uuhoped appears.
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06

Post.h'stress-"Do sou know that
handsome young man stopping up
the Eagle house? Wei. here's let
ter from his wife. I'll wager they
haven't been maFried over q month
grieni-"L Lands. Cynthia How
cen you tell?"
P0stpistess-"W Why. easy. There
are even stars Tor kisses On the out
SIDE OF the envelope"
Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-10-06

It's almost impossiuie for a man TO
keep in the straight ard narrow path
If he is driving a mule.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

rlch, lardy crust. l could taste the lard
IN the crust just as if ] We're eating raw
lafd. Under the bottom LAYER of crust
was q thick. mucilaginOuS reddish-yellow
queer-taStlnS mess of sweetness; a sort of
acfld, persimmony sweetness. / thought
perhaps the sweet stuff was a strip made
from dates or figs or some such oriental
Iru1t. But. no. the sweet stuff was COM
posed OF chopped almonds it seems, chop
pea ana then sweetened by pure sugar
sirup The pastry was in the form of lit
tie separate tarts about three inches wide
ana long. l ate one of them, pronounced il
the very final word in the art of pastry
making, and then leaned back a con-
queror. had gone through with it, | had
fought the fight All that remained was
10 drlnk some Syrian coffee from tiny
cups OF arabesque pattern in silver. The
coHee was favored with the Juice of or
ahge blossoms didn't care for it at all
It was like drinking the juice of squeezed
tuberoses.
Well: well, I am hopelessly an occi-
uehlai, SUPPOSE. To show you that | am
IopeleSsiy an occidental. shall tell YOU
wnat l dld after coming away from the
charming Syrian home | had an exceed
ingly disturbed, though by no means =
1iIeo stomach when / came away. and so
! walked through the park for couple of
hours, In order to walk off the effect of
the syrian dinner. Then I repaired to lust
all ordinary, everyday American restau-
rant up near the circle and I ordered a
1onpie portion Orwell, guess? Why. of
oacon and eggs and French friend pota-
Toes and coffee Americana. And. man
man. how l did scoop into that mess Of
oacon ana eggs and potatoes and coffee,"
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

the room are the sword presented to
John Paul Jones by the King OF France:
which occupies a case, apparently mace 10
contain the remains of the Cardin giant
a small and indistirgushable portion or
some historic ship and one OF the
tail feathers of the whale that swallow
ed Jonah. The furniture was Scared and
battered. the leather chair and sofa cover
ings hung to the floor In chunks and
coating of CRIME covered one of the best
samples Of parQuetry flooring In the whole
town.
Nowadays the room looks like a differ
ent place The furniture is all to the
merry the walls have been touched up.
the floor has been scraped and waxed
until any careless person can break his
nerk on 1t without half trying. and. al
together the whole place has a different
air. Incidentally the new leather cover
ing of the furniture has been adjusted
at such an angle as to make anti-sktd
trousers an absolute necessity to the Vlsi-
tor contemplating an interview of any
length with the Secretary. Perhaps
Anyhow this big room will be MI.
Meyers private Office in the future. He
is the first Secretary in many, many years
who has had decent or adequate quar-
tiers.
Charles Z. Taylor. once upon time a
newspaper man. is Mr.. Meyers private
secretary. He is suspected OF having
drawn the plans for the shoot the chutes
upholstering. IRVING c. NORWOOD.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30


Mrs Jobscn was willing to let 1t go at
that.
That very evening a grayish-looking
storm gathered in the northeast, and the
following morning was raw and cherries.
Mr.. Jobson always sleeps unusually well
on raw and cherries mornings and Mrs.
Jobson had to prod him awake when the
fragrance Of the coffee began to trickle
up the stairs.
Its time for you to get up and take
your cold BATH said Mrs. Jobson. with,
possibly. Just a soupcon of malevolence.
Huh! Take what?'' said Mr.. Jobson.
his nice, comfy bunk.
your cold BATH" said Mrs. Jobson
Mr. Jobson shot her a quick, question
ing look It is a good thing that Mrs.
Jobson has learned by long experience
how to manage her features. II there
had been any lurking smile around the
corners Of her mouth just then there
around the Jobson domicile: But the Turk
ing emile was conspicuous by its absence.
"It's cold. isn't itTt said Mr.. iJobson
a he reluctantly crawfedr out oftthe coy
Eyes. the weather turned during the
freezing out. / have turned on the cola
water" and she went downstairs TO su-
perintend breakfast and did her smiling
only when she reached the hall
Mr. Jobson went into the bathroom and
watched the swiftly running cold water
for quite a while with dubious express
sion in his eye. He heard Mrs. Jobson
humming downstairs, and he knew that
there wasn't any way out of 1t. So he
stepped in. very gingerly, and said
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

drinkers But no matter. We had ar
rack as an appetizer for the Syrian din
ner. 1t is. as perhaps you know, color
less cordial very sweet, and, like absinthe.
it turns to a milky color when mixed
with water. 1t tastes a good deal IKE
absnthe too. which. of course, is equiva-
lent to saying that it tastes like paregoric.
l didn't care for it. 1t struck me as be-
ing a poor sort of an appetizer But 1t
served its purpose. IT went to my head
a trffle and loosened my tongue just
enough and it enabled me to buck UP
under the quite depressing effect of the
Syrian food.
After the arrack black olives were
passed around. I'd never eaten black
olives before. I shall not, Dec volente.
eat black olives again. They did not taste
to me like olives at all. l don't know
what they did taste like, but certainly not
like olives. They were dry. shriveled-
looking things like miniature boarding
house prunes as to their surface CORFU
cations They were bitter and unsatis-
factory. l couldn't go more than one OF
them. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone that
one if my hostess hadn't been looking
at me.
'sThen came the soup. 1t was lentil
soup, prepared Syrian-wise. Now. I've
been around a lot, but / had never eaten
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

miles from shore to shore. and where
there isn't so much as a hamlet worthy
OF the name within miles. He thought
to escape publicity and all that sort
of thing. He expected to dodge the
newspaper men and do his work in peace.
There's no doubt in the world that If
he had let the "Buzzard' remain at her
river front dock he wouldn't have been
bothered. But as soon as the mystery
thing was sprung, guards put at every
door and window Of the "Buzzard." and
the ark itself swung out into the stream
for the journey to the most miserable
and inaccessible part of the river. all
the press associations. all of the local
papers. and some of the big out-of-town
dailies as well. ordered out their staff
men for the occasion
And SO the South Potomac squadron
was born. Sometimes it had as high as
a dozen members. Sometimes the num-
Der dropped to four or f1ve But the reg
ularsLGeorge Brown. who has since be
come a perfectly respectable correspond
emit: Harry Burrill. who now travels in
foreign parts collecting statistics and
things for the government, and Lucien
Smith. now a cultivated bonesetter, who
has taken all kinds Of medical degrees
were there nearly four months, all told
Most Of the time they lived-three meals
a day, mind you-on pickles and sardlnes
and quinine and whisky. In the swamps
around water the two last mentioned
staples are considered the most important
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30
Lets oblige him. I suggested. A

Let's obl1ge MIN, suggested. Anu
we did
OF course, 1t was foregone conclusion
that after framing up reception IKE
that-and the atmosphere around the ark
didn't get any warmer. either, as the
DAYS and weeks went by-Prof. Langley
wasn't going to get the best end OF the
deal.
He probably did not mean anything
more than to indicate he wanted to be
left alone But Of course he didn't SO
about it right. He did not know now.
Many a man without one-twentieth OF the
sense of the professor. and without any
new idea at all. has been handled with
gloves simply because he knew better
than to sprinkle pepper all over his front
porch But Prof. Langley didn't. ana
his troubles multiplied in consequence.
OF course it is we'll remembered that
the Langley machine, although given
three trials, didn't fly that summer, and
it seems sort Of pitiful, somehow, that
il didn't, for scientists and aviators are
all pretty certain now that the only DIFF
ficulty was with the starting apparatus:
The rails of the starting device were laid
on top of the houseboat and it seems that
this didn't give the machine time enough
to take the air and get fair start. But
at any rate, the machine made three dives
instead of three ascents. and most OF
the newspaper men on the job wrote
marveously funny stories about Langley
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

articles OF diet. Every couple Of weeks.
perhaps shey would take their jobs in
their llands-for they did not know.
never having been permitted within fair
gunshot range Of the Langley ark, when
the budding aeroplane would fy-and hike
to Fredericksburg for a square meal. On
such occasions their emotions would over
come Them. The sight Of food would
bring tears. to their eyes. and they would
behave scandalously fondling the hot
corn bread tand muttering over the fried
chicken and crying into the butter. Then
they would hustle back to Whitewater
and dream about food for another two
weeks or So. All of the time. moreover.
they drank from a spring declared by the
two natives and permanent residents OF
Whitewater to contain more typhoid. ma
laria and other assorted germs to the
drop than any other watering place in the
whole of the Old Dominion.
1t was about as mean an assignment as
can possibly be imagined. / know, for
had a month. of it myself. And yet look
ing back on the job through the kindly
nrists of six or seven years, it almost
seems as if we had a real good time. But
it was disconraging at first. Two Of us
landed at Whitewater. I remember, about
8 On foggs. smelly, malarial morning,
sleepy. hungry and already plumb dis
gusted with the job. First thing we made
for the general store. II such 1t may be
called, but Of course it wasn't open. For
two hours We sat on the steps, and then
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-30

yourself down with a fine. hard towel
why, you get glorious skin glow ana
YOU feel freshened and woke up, as IT
we're. ali over, and then you could hike
right smack-dab for the north pole In
linen buster, in a way of speaking. win
out the slightest danger OF catching colo.
II Mrs Jobson considered this good
stuff. she refrained from so pronouncing.
Mr.. Jobson observed her neutrality on the
topic and began to wriggle bit In his
chair.
peeved tone. II don't expect you to DO.
nate the immense weight OF your BELIEF
to any of these scientific theories 1t
wouldn't hurt YOU a little bit, when 1t
swim every morning throughout the win
ter yourself. 1t wouldn't
We'll, ! prefer the water slightly tepid,
you know" explained Mrs. Jobson.
obviously glad to have finally got rise
out Of her. That's one OF the surest
things know. And If you amend 'tepid'
to hot you'll add about so per cent to the
a human being so enormously addicted
TO the habit of coddling him or herself as
you are, and that's the truth
.Rut." mildly ventured Mrs. Jobson.
.cold baths do not agree with me. The
shock Of them is too great. My doctor
has told me that
Doctor, pifle" grumped Mr.. Jobson.
What does the doctor know about 1t?
The doctor isn't you, is he? That's ali
imagination about cold water being
shocking. There are some people to whom
any kind Of water Is shocking. when 1t
comes to that You simply confess your
growing weakness OF will when you side
step cold water baths. And that's all
pure tommyrot about cold baths being
shocking. They might shock a salaman-
der born on the equator or one OF those
shivery Chihuahua NUTS; but they're
not shocking 20 properly constituted hui
man beings That's all moonshine. It's
what's called the power Of suggestion.
Folks get to imagining that cold water
is shocking. and that settles It. They
flag the cold tub they would poison
ivy There can't be any shock when,
right after climbing out of the cold tub,
YOU give yourself a fine and dandy rub
down with hard towel. That's what
makes you react from cold bath
But" again put in Mrs. Jobson, 1--WE
tried IL, and / don't react. / don't get
INTO any glow. Instead, / go around feel
Ing cold and blue and frozen all day after
taking cold bath
.''rush." said Mr.. Jobson. More Of that
suggestion thing. You imagine that it's
the kink for you to go around feeling
frozen and blue and things after little
plunge into cold water, and OF course
that's the way you feel But there's one
blessed thing, there isn't any law that
know of that compels me to pattern my
handbox--a superheated oandbox-and cod.
die and pamper and pet yourself AS il YOU
were a prize beetle or butterfly from the
orinoco, why. so ahead. Keep right on