The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-09-22
4 TELEGRAPH JOKER,
He Knew What the Crowd Want
ed and Delivered the Goods.
ELECTION RETURNS TO SUIT.

Swung States and National Chairnen
Into Line In His Reports and Gave
the Boys Of the Mining Camp the
Time Of Their Lives.
A funny incident happened on the
nigh. OF the national election of 1896
IN little camp tucked away In the
mountains Of southwestern Colorado.
where the ofY1y means of quick COM
munication with the world were a sim
gle uncertain telegraph wire aud a sin
gle more uncertain telegraph operator.
Naturally only the merest scraps of
election news reached the camp. hut
before the certain news OF McKlnley's
election could have been got the uncer.
tain operator had fallen victim to his
fayorita vice and. further, had fallen
beneath the table.
The only other person who knew any.
thing about teiegraphy was shorty"
the local wit and humorist. who volun-
teered to write out the election returns
MS they clicked of from the telegraph
instrument Political sentiment was
piiame for Bryan. News OF his election
wis not only sought bur demanded. for
the average American miner is as san.
gnine concerning the uncertainties of
politics as he Is concerning the uncer-
taiDties OF mining. The volunteer teleg.
raphpr wus noted for an obliging dis
position He was the genial" of the
camp.
The boys" had placed stores OF
giant powder at various points. They
had cleaned and oiled their six shoot
ers aud reflled their cartridge belts
Bonfires were ready 10 be lighted on
the hillsldes, and natural enthusiasm
had been stimulated ut the Metro
pole, the Cosmopolitan, the Fashion,
the Trocndero aud less pretentiously
named oases In the desert OF mining
camp existence--in fact. every pre-
liminary to the grandest celebration
the San Juan country ever had known.
Shorty was not the man TO neglect
an opportunity like that. The first
bulletin he handed to the waiting
crowd stated that New York and In
diana were In doubt and 1t looked like
a close election. with the chances fa-
crowds keen appetite for returns to
razor edge. The second bulletin sent
their spirits up with leap. Bryan
has carried Kansas. and the Demo
Gratis are claiming Iowa"
"Whoopeer' from the crowd.
y. Shorty bent his ear to the clicking
. sounder and inscribed bulletin No. B.
Illinois joins the Bryan column with
$4,000 majority. Indiana certain, New
York very close"
When the deafening chorus had died
down young member Of the party
asked the lender. Hadn't we better
begin 10 set of the giantr
sBefore the leader could answer
Shorty reproved him by word and
look. Don't go of half cooked" he
said. "lts always best 10 wait until
you are sure. You can't be too con-
seryatlve IN n case like this
After a long pause. in which the
crnwd displayed much impatlence, the
imperturbabe and conservative Shorty
transcribed bulletin No. 4, but before
passing IL out he said:
Wait for the actual returns"
Bulletin No 4 read. Senator Jones
claims Ohio aud Pennsylvania for Bry-
am
Under ordinary circumstances
doubt might have been expressed con
critJlng the probability of such states
reversing their political records. but
the crowd waS convinced of an i'm
pending landslide for their favorite
aud yelled With delight. Now we are
beginning to get the news" remarked
Shorty when the cheering ceased. and
he began TO write bulletin No. 5 as
follows:
New York gives Bryan 100000 plu.
rality: Indiana. 10000 returns from
Wisconsin, and Minnesota Indicate
Iaree Democratic gains"
The crowd heard only the first sen
tenre Shouting, cheering, yelling,
screaming 1t broke for the street.
Hold on" called Shorty. Here's
another"
Bulletin No. O. Quay comedies Penn
syivania 10 Bryan"
Another fragment broke from the
crowd mud ran down the street shout.
ing The news. The new operators pen
all was travelling rapidly over the pa
per. while his friends aud fellow citi-
zsms crowded closely upon him aud
read as liz wrote bulletin No. Z, Mark
Hanna has locked up Republican head-
auurters aud gone home"
1he roar of the crowd was drowned