Arizona republican., 1909-02-15
MT. DOoley on Heroes and History
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his money to give free circuses an parks to tn people insthead iv givin' 1t to thim while he was alive. An if he'd spint it on the shit he might've been alive to this day.
 There's tn story as Hogan tells 1t firm readin' it in books an seein' it acted at tn 'Cademy iv Music But this professor iv histhry says Hogan is all wrong. Joolyus Cayzar was be no means tn tulip he is pitchered be his toryans nearer his time thin mesilf.' says he. 'Th' further ye get away firm amy peeryod tn betther We can write about it. Ye are not subjict to in- terruptions be people that were there I wud not undertake to write a hi- thry iv Peorya in nineteen hundred an eight, but if ye want tn latest news from Rome two thousand years ago, hand me that fountain pen. Far firm bein' gr'reat man, Jeolyus Cay gar was a pretty ordhinry charackter He was always out fir tn money. All iv his alleged wars were carried on to help tn grocery business iv Rome that he was a secret pardner in. He was mean. clOse-fisted man. He done Cicero out of his house be threatenin' to build a livery stable next dure to it an thin buyin' it cheap. an his throu- ble with Pompey come firm sellin' his old chum a horse that he swore amy child cud dhrive an that run away with Mrs. Pompey in Centhral Park an smashed Pompey's best two seated chariot. He was killed in a barToOm by Brutus, a worthless fellow that he'd fad fn hnI f,-b h f, real hero iv th5 peeryod was Marcus Mephitus Jenks. It was Jenks that tn glory an grandeur iv Rome is due to. It was Jenks who won tn battles. Jenks that reformed tn almanac an Jenks that modelled the laws. But ! Jenks was a mode~t hero. He had no press agent Sthrange to say I can find no contimpry rifrences to Jenks but few vulgar jokes. But he was great man. He was tn Andrew Car naygie iv his time, an now that tn clouds iv calumy has rolled away it gives me great pleasure to say that Jenks, not CayZar, was tn boy In me estimation. tn next gr-reatest man iv thim days was Nero. A coorse pre- Judice has grown up again Nero. No man names childher afther him amy more, which I think is a gr-reat mis- take Far firm bein' tn monsther he is supposed to be, Nero was a quite, cultivated young fellow, who, like many another with tn same tastes. has had his mimry condimmed to loathin' an horror because he played tn violin. Except rr this he was not a detistable charackter. It is not thrue ! that he set fire to Rome. Rome was like wan iv our modhren cities an undoubtedly it caught fire firm cin- l ders firm a passing locomotive Navy 1 thin cud be more unjust to this ami able charackter thin to suggist that he was an innimy iv religion. Tn thruth is that he practiced wan iv tn first principles iv religion, which is that tn good are betther dead view with contempt tn fable that he pi- zened his mother. Tn discoveries in modhren science show that it's far more likely she perished of appendicy- tis. Besides tn family ties were much iooser in those days. Moreover. let us be just an acknowledge that in tn coorse iv nature tn old lady had not much longer to live annvhow an she may have been an exactin' house. keeper. while her illusthrees son had tn habits iv a bachelor, which he was l firm time to time
 An there ye are. Hinnissy Hoy ] do ye know what histhry is goin' to say about these here storrin' times that we're Twin in? few thousands ] iv years firm now a visitor firm New | Zealand, as Hogan says. surveyin' tn , rooms iv tn Fort Wayne freight house ! firm a broken arch iv Jackson sthreet bridge. may run acrost a copy iy tn Daily BaZOo an write a story iv tn state in America in nineteen hundred an nine: Tn principal occupations iv tn people Swere murdher, divoorce, prize fightin', lynchin. Marathon rac- { in. abduction. burglary an Salomylng Everybody was stealth anythin' they