davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Tpicked of the Time,

A Philadelphia lawyer who spends
most Of his time at his country estate
employs sturdy Irish gardener whose
one desire In life is to live until the
banner Of freedom is unfurled over Ire
land.
One evening the lawyer strolled
through the grounds Of his place and
stopped to have chat with the gar
dener.
Michael, do you know that while
we are here enjoying the beautiful
twilight 1t is dark midnight in Ire
landy" he asked.
Faith, an Orm not surprised" re-
piled the gardener. ireland niver
got justice yit."-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Araposs.N tOxdesty.

Arago, the great French scientist,
was never. seen with decoration on
his breast. HeAva1ued honors lightly.
One evening Leverrter, the, astronomer,
called on him ON. his way to- dine with
minister. He expressed wish to
appear decorated with an order to
which he was entitled, having received
the official notice Of the honor, al
though he had not as yet the decora-
ton itself.
open that drawer" said Arago,
land take whatever you want"
In that drawer were all the crosses
and ribbons which kings and empe-
rors confer.
While Arago wished above every
thing to promulgate science and to
make his researches useful, he did not
attempt to identify himself forever
with his discoveries by writing books
He had no time for writing, but con
tented himself with noting the results
of his work in the record of the bureau
OF longitude or announcing It verbally
to the academy.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
The valuabIes.

The man with wife and. seven chill
dren hauled up in front Of the hotel
desk, registered, got his bellboy and
was starting off when the clerk, think
Ing maybe he might jolly the new ar
rival, called to him.
Il beg your pardon" he said, "but
hadn't you better leave your valuables
in the safey"
DO you think L ought tor inquired
the man innocently enough, to hear
him say it.
well, 1t is the ibest-plan."
"All right" said the man, and, turn
Ing to his wife, Here, Mary, pass the
children over to the gent behind the
counter. He'll look after them and
give us rest"
Whereupon the clerk apologized.--
Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
THE MEASLES CANNlBAL.
Method Of a Vancouver Island Tribe
to Drive Away Disease.

Method of a Vancouver Island Tribe
to Drive Away Disease.
A few years ago an epidemic of
measles broke out among the Indian
tribes living ON Vancouver island in
British Columbia NOT far from Fort
Rupert. and the shamans or medicine
men came TO the conclusion that can
nibal soreerer whom thew termed The
"hamatsun measles canpihap was
Shaving their children to eat them and
that he would continue to 40 60 nntu
ne was killed
As thew could not slav a ghost IN his
own nerson thew arrapgad a coremonv
IN which one Of their number nosed as
the cannibal and WAS treated as thev
would have l,k cd to treat tho rea, foe
This fact of substitute was Of
course. not made public onlv the med.
tcine men knowing the truth of the
| matter
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
WEBSTER AND cH0lA1E.
The Latter Rapid Fire Maxim, tho
Former a Thirteen Inch Gun.

INC ''
'""',' NV"
fropaoiy no eoucat'onai ins'A.u.4ol
In our country mas ever graouateu wv
more eminent anu eioquehl 40 YEN
IMAM oio Dar'"ou'h cohese gave III
In DANIEL WEBSTER ana huius Onoale'
! says writer In our Dump Animals
1T was my privilege as henoer VI
| the Suiiolk oar 10 a''eho hiany yeahf
ago the trlai OF one OF the most III
portant cases OF the year III our su
preme judicial court at Boston
"oh the Two sizes were arvyeo
some half dozen OF our most eini
nent lawyers. Daniei Weoster ana
Rufus Choate. as IL happened, were Oh
the same side
"A hostile witness WAS put on py
| the other SIDE, some OF whose eViuence
was or the utmost importance 10 Wep'
ster and Ghoate. II II eouia De Cd
tained. and Choate undertook the task
OF obtaining IT. NO man ut our OAR
had more profound skill IN cross eA-
animation, ana the questions netput
to the witness were ike the nre OF
Maxim gun. but In every instance ne
failed to get the evidence ne Wahteo
and finally sat down III despair.
"Then Webster, VINO haa oeenssit'ihg
In his great armchair, apparently apou.
half asleep. as though taxing no inter
est In the ease Whatever SLOWLY arose
10 his feet, put his great eyes on the
hostile witness. asked MIN IN the most
serious tone single question ana
brought instantly the required answer.
Then as quietly he sat down ana ap
parentiy went about half asleep again.
II was scene photographed ON my
mind never to be Forgotten,
The difference between webster
ana Choate cannot better pe eApiaiheo
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
OFFICERS CHARA0E.
One Of tho Company wsa an tsesf'
at the Game,

!
A general arrived from St feters
burg In a garrison town In the Interior
Of Russia to hold an inspection OF tue
troops After the review he stephe"
into the officers mess room, where nc
noticed on the counter row OF not
ties, TO which. instead Of usual labels,
white tickets. with n single letter of
the alphabet on each, were ahAea,
The bottles stood IN rank aud flle ami
| in alphabetical order.
what does this meany" the general
asked the lieutenant who was ehow'
ing him around.
THAT IN an officers charade, Your
excellency," replied the officer rather
embarrassed,
The general continued his Inquiries
and elected the following Information,
Each bottle contains dihcre"'
kind of liquor, At the meeting OF the
officers club one OF us mixes senie or
these varieties In glass so that IN"
initials spell name, and the older
and more experienced members of tho
club after tasting II guess what it IN
composed OF and name the weM IN
tended.
Very original idea remarked the
general And are you able 10 make
guess OF that kind p
III it is your exeelleney's pleasure,
will try" the lieutenant replied,
The general went 10 the counter aud
mixed a glass. while the officer sfeed
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Punishmsnt In EABax

Punishment in ef1gy was legally
practiced In France and with great
solemnity up to the time Of the first
revolution. II the man condemned es-
capped. a dummy was put up In his
cell and the entire routine of the law
allowed to take its course. The war
rant was read to II, and on the day
appointed 1t was conducted to the
scaffold In the presence Of all the le-
gal functionaries and with all the chr
cumstance of the law. Sometimes
the same person was executed In efhgy
simultaneously In several cities, but
that did not exempt him from actual
punishment should he be afterward
caught.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
The French Guild. /. a Public Pest.

Paris has produced a species which
is the lowest embodiment Of sentient
being. 1t is the guide" The guidetis
an evolutionary "throwback," a rever-
sion to type You must go deep.into
the muck heap whence the race has
risen to find his prototype-back of
the ape, back Of the tiger, back. Of the
shouting hog, though he partakess of
the nature of all Of these, to the.di
ages when nameless troglodyte sstread
ed In cold lethargy the primDEiiial
slime. Somewhere in that category
belongs the Paris guide. Interminabiy
these ghosts Of dead decencies squeak
and gibber in the streets of'the, city
Golfers.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

ut will help actors In gesturing cor
rectly," said playwright, ito remem-
Der that all gesticulation Is an inner
itance from our simian ancestors. We
show adherence best by the same
movements with which we would re
pei wet dog. We show affection by
the movements with which we would
receive Il loved physical object. We
move our heads from side to side 60
signify mo- because that was the way
our monkey ancestors avoided a prof
fered and undesirable morsel Of food.
We nod for yes because that was the
way our monkey forbears reached for
an acceptable morsel"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
by authorityI
A SUPPLEMENT TO
AN ORDINANCE

10 REGULATE THE SALARY or Cry TAX
RECEIVER
s,s, by an act of the Legislature of the
asssss y, NeW Jersey, entitled An Act for the
An,il IN, ana collection of taxes" approved
hadn y i tnS' II Is enacted that the governing
nv vi we taxing districts shall by ordinance
iector au1 nx the annual salary of its col
men, aha members of the board of assess
do ordain ' N"s vi Lahoer.Niie
II, sec, l. The annual salary of the officer here
FIRST ,i,a, 70 be computed from January
follows: Gu ana nine, shall be as
Fonr mo-, oI me Receiver Of Taxes of said city.
's Sa., hundred and Twenty-Five dollars
eone; I; All ordinances or parts al ordinances
pealed. nus ordnance are hereby re-
imme5,.tis u IA, tins ordinance shall take effect
to law 'e' 's pnnhcatlon according
iassed February LIST. 1900
1phAkLES F. HOLCoMBE,
Attest i..,vs. resident of Common Council
Apprnvaa City Clerk
ALFRED 4. ELY
- Mayor.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
A Long Spell Of Duty.

A Scotsman had come to London, OH
his way to India and for a few.days
had time to amuse himself by sight
seeing before his departure, says Os-
car Ramsay in his "Reminiscences"
He had been much struck with thesap-
pearance Of the mounted sentineasyof
the horse guards, Whitehall, andSbore
them In remembrance during htsseast-
ern sojourn. On his return afteya Pc
Rod of thirty years, on passing the
horse guards, he looked up to ON, sand
seeing him. as he thought, UNCHANGED
as to horse, position and acccuter.
ments. he exclaimed, "Od. freeud, We
hae had lang spell ont sim I left"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
LOST BOTH WAYS.
A Toss of Coin With an Unexpected
Result.

/ NGSoN.
:. New York travelling man WAS tell
ing stories Of .Toothpiek Tom. ia
mons Bowery character. who lived by
his wits as a gambler. Tom was
known far and WIDE not only because
of this gambling mania. which was in
satiable, but because of his quaint wit
and originality. He WAS an illiteratc
and could neither read nor write. but
In the course OF his career he handled
perhaps little more than the average
gamblers share of coin raked in across
the green cloth.
Zone afternoon Tom woke up with
a healthy appetite for breakfast" said
the New Yorker. He found on in
vestigating his pockets that he had a
five dollar gold piece, and he set out
for the nearest cafe to appease his
hunger. But just as he was about to
enter the restaurant he suddenly rec
ognized the entrance to the next place
as the one leading to a gambling house
which he had not visited for some
time. Tom paused. He felt himself
torn between two emotions, hunger
and the spirit of gambling.
SHOULD he risk his gold piece on the
faro table or the roulette or should he
eat? That was the question He might
make Killing in which event, of
course, he would eat sumptuously
Then, again, he might lose and face
starvation. The natural thing for Tom
to do was to leave 1t to chance.
Heads up, l eat breakfast; tails, l
play said Tom and tipped the coin.
It was heads mp, and Tom scratched
his head thoughtfully and said:
| Well, we'll make 1t two out of
three
Again he tossed up but this time
the gold piece struck crevice in the
sidewalk and disappeared. Tom look
ed at the crack. and, philosophically re
marked:
Whipsa wed both ways "-Milwau
kee Free Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Money Gs<tsrs.

DO you think it pays to, send our
sons to college? Do they obtain the
practical experience in money getting
that is SO necessary in these daysY
well. judging from the experience
have had with my son, 1 should say
they did. His practical experience in
money getting increases with every
letter that l receive from him"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

shake on the grip OF your old enemy, Nasal
Catarrh by using Ely's Cream Balm. Then
will all the swelling and soreness be driven
out of the tender, inhamed membranes The
hts OF sneezing will cease and the discharge,
rs offensive to others as to yourself, will be
stopped when the causes that produce it are
removed. Cleanliness, comfort and health
renewed by the use of Cream Balm, All drug
s;sts Soc, or mailed by Ely Bros, Sd Warren
street, New York
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Mutual Surprise.

They stood beneath the mistletoe.
She was justly resentful Of what he
had done
How dare you kiss meY' she ex-
claimed. Il never was so surprisedsin
all my life!"
Neither was l." he replied contrite-
iy. Il thought it was your younger
ister."-Chicago Post.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

In discussing am uplift for the farmers
the President recommends larger use
of the parcels post. The spectacle OF
10000 rural delivery carriers gdne
their daily rounds with miniature loads
because the parcels post rate is still 70
cents 4 pound is one of the adsurdilles
of the age.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Failure of colIeqe Education


"Well." observed old man Potts.
1--WE spent II heap of money on my
boy Bill's education. more'n $500, Jest
to see him through Yale, and | amt
through yet 1t shorely makes me
sore 10 think OF the money I'm vast
in on boy who amt got as much
sense now as he had before he went
to college"
whats the matter, fatheri" asked
Mrs. Potts. "Mebbe you're little
hard on Bill"
mo. | amt. Mary answered the
old man. Just to show you. a little
while ago | says to him l thinks 1t
was going TO rain tomorrow. What
fool answer dye suppose he made
mey''
TIN sure don't know, father"
He begged my pardonw-Harper's
Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
simpIifed Dsb.t.

Are you going to attempt to an
swer all the charges made against
you?"
Certainly" replied Senator Sor.
ghum. Answering charges these days
Is easy. All you've got to do is to say
You're another "-Washingtop Star
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
That Little Pain m y,,,.n

threatens your Kidneys. Ifallowed 10
90 on a little while you will sulte,
throughout the entire system. Take
q. once DIR. David Kennedy's Favor,,e
Kennedy 1t is the most certain cure
known X Tor the treatment of all disease,
u ,',. .ne Kidneys, Liver and Blood
"'''e Dr. David Kennedy'ssons. Ron.
a0a'' n y for a free sample bottle
$I.oo. druggists
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Exempt,

"Jes YOU come right home, Henry
Hiram--breakin' the Sabbath day in
that scanlous. sinful fashion"
well, Jimmy Hicks is let play on
Sunday"
fhe commandant don't apply t3him.
dlslpaw's vegetarian."-Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

The year 1910 Is an important one
for the Republican party, for, in addl=
lion TO choosing a Governor, the Leg
stature elected next year will select a
successor to United State Senator John
kcan, whose term expires on March |,
iqli
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
THE COBRA STONE.
A Ceylon Story About the Reptile and
It's SHINING Lure.

It's Shining Lure.
Every one knows that Geylen Is IA.
nous for the amount Of queer aud rare
precious stones found In the sands OF
lis dried M river beds Among these
Is one called schlprOphane Il rare va
rietv of fiuor spar, which shines ut
night with phosphoreseent light There
has long been tradition among the
natives that a certain species of cobra
makes use of this stone 10 attract in
sects In the darkness. Indeed, the
name given it is "naja-kaller.a or co
bra stone 4 scientist resolved to test
this wonderful story during u stay in
the island. so offered any cody , ru
PEGS 10 point ont Il stone carrying CO.
bra. In about II week an old Tamil
came In and offered to show him one
He followed this. guide. and, sure
enough. there, under an immense tama
rind tree, he saw a little point of steady
greenish light and could family distin-
guish behind cobra eoiled and slowly
waving Its head from side to side. 1t
would have been desperately dangerous
TO approach the reptile. aud the cody
begged him not TO do so. saying that
next night he would himself get the
stone. He did so. and in rather clever
fashion. Before dark he climbed into
the free carrying a large bag OF ashes.
After nightfall the cobra turned up. as
usual, and deposited lis treasure. which
II carried In its mouth. before II.
Thercupon the cody emptied his bag
Of ashes over the shining object, and
the frightened reptile after wild but
fruitless search crept back into the
Jungle. The cody descended. searched |
the ashes. found the stone and re-
ceived his promised reward. London
Telegraph.
A kindness done to the good is never
iost-Plautus.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Miss Sylvia Green, daughter OF Mis-.
lIetty Green and Mathew Aston Wilkes
were married at ST Peters Church,
Morrstown, N. J., Tuesday, by the
Rev. Philomen T. Sturgess. Mrs
Green was present and her daughter
was given away by her cousin, How
land l.. Pell.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Heavy, impure blood makes mud
dy, pimply complexion, headaches,
nausea, indigestion. Thin blood makes
you weak, pale, sickly. Burdock Blood
Bitters makes the blood rich, red. pure
restores perfect health.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Chpmunks have come out OF then
winter quarters and may be seen run
ning on the fences IN the wooded sec
tons. Their appearance at this time,
says well-known farmer, is a sign ot
an early spring,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
William |. BRYAN will not be a eand

William Bryan will not be a eandi.
date for the Presidential nomination
again, but he is determined that the
Democratic nominee IN 1912 shall be
4 man who was loyal to him last No
vcmber and who is known to hold what
N Bryan calls advanced and pro.
greSsive Democratic views
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
A Bitter Retorf

10 you think" he asked, that you
could learn to love me?"
i don't know" she answered .T
might, but IL were a man ia bsfs
10 think that ! was an acquired taste y
Chicago Record-Herald.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
A Definition.

what is the difference between pre-
ferred and common stock?"
"Well. II you buy the common Won
lose your money right OF, but II you
buy preferred there is a little longer
delay about it.''-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

"Your luncheons are always SO sue
cessful, Mrs. Penrhyn-Paget. Do tell
me how you select your menus"
"Oh, you see. the doctor has given
me printed list Of things mustn't
eat. and choose the dishes from
that."-Woman's Home Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Proof Enoual,,

Patient-Are you sure, doctor, that
TINS health food that you have recon-
mended is nourishing? Doctor-Sure?
why. | know 1t. The man who intro
aueed that health food not only lives
put supports a large family on it,
Stray Stories.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
A Avpocr,te

Little Willie-Say, pa, what is a hyp-
ocrite? PA hypocrite. my son, IL
a man who publicly thanks the Lord
for his success and then gets mad ev-
cry time anybody insinuates that he
isn't mainly responsible for 1t himself
Chicago News.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Many Children mr.. sickIy

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children
used by Mother Gray, nurse in Children
Home. New York, break up colds in "a hours.
cure Feverishness, Headache, Stomach Trou-
bles, Teething Disorders.and Destroy Worms.
At all druggists, CSC. Sample mailed FREE
Address, Allen s. Olmstead, LEROY. N. Y.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

hoe, pr. Thomas Electric Oil is the
-. 'en'eoy tor that often fasal disease
il e .onp. Has been used with success
y w puf family for eight years. Mrs. L.
"h''eacre, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

MIR. Saphedde- Enthusiasm il 4 fine
thing. Now, l am always being car
ried away by enthusiasm. Miss Caus-
tique-Yes, but the trouble is it,doesn't
carry you far enough.-Philadelph
Record.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Board Of Education

The monthly meeting Of the Board Of Edu.
cation OF the City Of Lambertville will be-
held on WEDNESDAY, EVENING, MARCH
srd. 1893. at son O'Clock.
JOSEPH f. BAYARD.
Secretary
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Parsop-Oh. Mrs. Hostess, how did
you slice this meat In your sandwiches
30 evenly? Mrs. Hostess (delighted)-
Oh. easily. We used my husbands
safety razor.--Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Maybe.

"Young man." said Mr.. Blunkina,
when was your age always stood
at the head of my class'
WELL" answered the fearfully pre-
cocious boy. maybe teachers were
easier to fool then than they are now"
-Exchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
Common Council.

The regular meeting Of the Common Coun.
Gil Of the City Of Lambertville will be held in
the Council Room. Masonic Hall, on MON.
DAY EVENING. MARCH ist 1902. at 500
o'clock.
JAMES Il. REYNOLDS, City Clerk.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
1liaa.

"What sort Of time do you expect
to have during the social seasony
"Fine," answered Mr.. Cumr0x.
Mother and the girls win be % busy
thinking about their Globes that thay
won't have time to nnt1ca my gram
mar."-Washington 0tnx.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

what would you do If papa should
die, Charlie?" asked the father before
a room full Of company.
Send away the ugly nurse girl and
get the pity one ag'in"-London Tit
Bits.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

COUNTY or huNTERpoS,l
Frank A. Phillips, Cashier of the above
named bank do solemnly affirm that the
above statement is true TO the best of my
knowledge and belief
FRANK A. PHILLIPS, Cashier
Subscribed and affirmed to before me this
10Th day of February, 1909.
A d. ANDERSON. Notary Public
Correct--Attest:
CALVIN sOLLIDAY,
WILLIAM LAUER
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
This Is An Easy r...

Sprinkle Alla.,,. ~ HeH'
not IN tha anens Foot-Eose in one shoe and
Just the thin nsr' and notice the difference
~ snpss become necessary. and vnnr sboas sss,
any substitute. sNnsfe' Sc. Don't accept
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24
ANNUAL MEETING

y; ne go annual meeting of the Lambertville
,b siWHh, society Will be held in the room of
I.e w; q, Il u, phillips Hail,) Thursday,
FEBRUARY s5th, at 10 O'clock
=. A. FINGER,
Secretary
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

). me grounding ought to be sorry
weather. NJoy me
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

a rev. things gained by fruud de
s s fortune otherwise honestly
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-02-24

Receive no satisfaction for prcmedi.
tated impertinence. Forget 1t and for
give 1t, but keep inexorably ut dis
lance from him who offered it.--I.ava'
far