Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1909-10-21
A TELEGRAPH JOKER,
He Knew What the Crowd Want
ed and Delivered the Goods.
ELECTION RETURNS TO SUIT.

Time Of Their Lives.
A funny incident happened on the
night of the national election OF 1896
in a little camp tucked away in the
mountains Of southwestern Colorado,
where the only means of quick com
munication with the world were a sin
gle uncertain telegraph wire aud a sin
gle more uncertain telegraph operator.
Naturally only the mereSt scraps Of
election news reached the camp, but
before the certain news of McKinley's
election could have been got the uncer-
tain operator had fallen a victim to his
favorite vice and. further, had fallen
beneath the table.
The only other person who knew any
thing about telegraphy was shorty
the local wit and humorst, who volun-
teered to write out the election returns
as they clicked of from the telegraph
instrument Political sentiment was
atame for Bryan. News of his election
was not only sought. but demanded, for
} the average American miner is as san
guine concerning the uncertainties Of
politics as he is concerning the uncer-
tainties of mining. The volunteer teleg-
rapher was noted for an obligiDg dis
! position. He was the genial Of the
camp
The boys" had placed stores of
| giant powder AZ various points. They
had cleaned and oiled their six shoot
! ers aud refilled their cartridge belts,
Bonfres were ready to be lighted on
the hillsides. and natural enthusiasm
| had been stimulated at the Metro
pole. the Cosmopolitan, the Fashion.
the Trocadero and less pretentiously
| named GASES in the desert Of mining
J camp Axistence-in fact, every pre-
liminaE TO the grandest celebration
the SabSJuan country ever had known.
Shorty was not the man to neglect
an opportunity like that. The first
bulletin he handed to the waiting
crowd stated that New York and In
diana were in doubt and it looked like
u close election. with the chances IA
voring Bryan. That whetted the
crowds keen appetite for returns to
razor edge. The second bulletin sent
their spirits up with a leap, Bryan
has carried Kansas, and the Demo
Gratis are claiming Iowa"
"WhoOpee"' from the crowd.
Shorty bent his ear TO the clicking
souuder and inscribed Bulletin No. s.
Illinois joins the Bryan column with
$4,000 majority Indiana certain, New
York very close
When the deafening chorus had died
down a young member of the party
asked the leader. Hadn't we better
begin TO set of the giant?"
Before the leader could answer
Shorty reproved him by word and
look, Don't 90 of half cooked" he
said. It's always best 10 wait until
you are sure You can't be too con-
servatiye in case like this"
After a long pause. in which the |
crowd displayed much impotence, the |
impernrbable and conservative Shorty |
transcribed bulletin No. 4, but before |
passing it ont be said:
Now. boys. don't do anything rash. |
Wait for the actual returns
Bulletin No read Senator Jones |
claims Ohio aud Pennsylvania for Bry-
an"
Under ordinary circumstances
doubt might have been expressed con-
corning the probability of such states
reversing heir political records. but
the crowd was convinced of an i'm
pending landslide for their favorite
aud yelled with delight. Now we are
beginning TO gel the news" remarked
shorty when the cheering ceased, and |
he began 10 write bulletin No. as
follows:
New York gives Bryan 100000 pu- |
rality; Indiana, 10000. Returns from
Wisconsin and Minnesota indicate |
large Democratic gains"
The crowd heard only the first sen
Ience. Shouting. cheering. yelling. |
screaming. it broke for the street.
Hold on" called Shorty. Here's |
another
Bulletin No i, Quay comedies Penn |
sylvania to Bryan
Another fragment broke from the
crowd and ran down the street shout.
ing the news The new operators pen
Gil was travelling rapidly over the pa
per. while his friends aud fellow citi- |
Zens crowded closely upon him and
read as he wrote bulletin No. Z. Mark |
Hanna has locked up Republican head |
quarters ana gone home"
The roar OF the crowd was drowned
by the roar of exploding giant powder.
Buildings shook. windows ratified. ac-
companied by the crash of broken
glass. The celebration was on, and
Shorty Mclutyre was alone.
The celebration lasted for two days.
The morning after election the regulai
operator had recovered sufficiently TO
transcribe messages announcing Nc
Kinley's victory. Those who were
sober enough to understand them
didn't believe them. After severai