The Virginia enterprise., 1909-10-22

Colonel Gabe Dunder, who was at
one time one of Betzville's most re-
spected citizens, has come back home,
and reception was given him at
Aunt Rhinocolura Betz' house last Fri
day. Those who keep track of social
events in our burg will remember that
the reason Colonel Dunder went away
was because he had trouble with Sim
Phillips over load of shavings. When
Boyer's one ring circus played in Betz.
vile two years ago Colonel Dunder,
who is one of the most enterprising
men of our town, took the contract to
supply shavings for the ring and had
three wagon loads hauled over from
Jefferson; but the circus men claimed
they had ordered only two loads and
for awhile it looked as if the colonel
would have to stand the loss. But he
always had a bright mind and after
thinking it over he went to Sim Phil
lips, who owned bay mare at that
time and who is one of our most eco
nomical horse feeders, and sold the
load of shavings to Sim Phillips to
to Sim that if he tied a pair of green
goggles over the bay mares eyes the
bay mare would see green and think
the shavings were fresh grass and
simply gobble them down with joy.
But, somehow, the bay mare didn't
care for shavings and as the colonel
had the money and Sim had a shotgun
ho F1~
awhile. He was greatly missed in our
elite society, but now he is home
again.
The repast served by Aunt Rhino-
clura was delicious in the extreme,
starting off with radishes, with boiled
Goldfish as the backbone, and winding
up with ice cream, and nothing oc-
furred to mar the occasion except the
Goldfish, at sight of which Colonel
Dunder burst into tears. It was a
pitiful sight to see a strong man, with
a long, reddish beard, weaken in this
way.
AS soon as Colonel Dunder could
recover his self-control he begged ev-
eryone's pardon, but explained that
the sight of Goldfish always made him
burst into tears, while homesick
feeling settled with an empty sensa-
tion in the pit of his stomach. When
asked to explain, he arose gracefully
merely upsetting a glass of water,
pulled his vest down in front, tucked
the back of his necktie under the COL
lar button and told the following
sad story:
When force of circumstances and
the shotgun caused the colonel to
leave Betzv1lle hastily, he looked
about for some opportunity to invest
his savings, and he saw an opportu-
nifty in shredded boneless Goldfish. He
said he saw that the Goldfish trade in
California had been sadly neglected
and that it offered an opportunity, and
he went to St. Louis and bought all
he could and had it done up in bales
and strapped the bales on the backs
of pack mules and started for Califor-
mia, accompanied by four faithful men.
All went well until Death Valley was
reached. but before they had jour-
neyed into the valley days journey
he saw that there was no forage there
for the mules. At night halt was
made and consultation held, while
the poor hungry mules looked on with
sad eyes. There was but one thing
to do. The mules would not eat shred.
ded Goldfish. There was nothing for
them to eat but the corn-husk mat
tresses that had been brought along
to sleep on, so these were fed to the
patient mules and the bales of shred
ded boneless Goldfish were piled in
pile and the five men retired to rest
on top of them. The colonel said that
he found shredded boneless Goldfish
did not make bad bed. It was soft
and resilient.
But as he lay under the desert sky
he happened to think Of Betzville and
all his kind friends there and he be-
gan to shed tears of homesickness
and when he told his four faithful men
why he wept they too became home
sick and began to weep. Their tears
fell and mingled with the dried Shred
ded Goldfish, but they thought no harm,
unth, suddenly, one Of the men hap
psned to look down, and gave cry