davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-03-19
A GOOD FRIEND

A perusal of the items of the expendi-
lures of Supt. Stockwell, taken from the
repors of the legislative committee sheds
some light on printing matters that is of
local interest. From this 'sunaccount-
able fund" received from the poor school
ma'ams and expended under the sole
discretion of Mr.. Stockwell, we find that
his particular newspaper friend, editor
Grant 8. Hager, has been the recipient
of printing jobs amounting to sums as
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-03-19
City Election, Notice.

Notice is hereby given that the annual
election of and for the city of Pembina
county of Pembina and State of North
Dakota will be held on Monday, the 5th
day of April, 1909, for the election of the
following officers, each for a period OF
two years ensuing, to-wit-
One mayor; one alderman for ward
No. 1; one alderman for ward No. 2;
one alderman for ward No. 3; one treas
urer; one police justice; one city justice.
The polling places will be as follows
Ward No. at j. G. Sonderman's tail
or shop; ward No. at the council room;
ward No. at office of The Pioneer Ex-
press.
Polls will be open from O'Clock in the
morning until 5 o'clock ia the afternoon
Per order city council,
NJ. H. MILLER, Mayor.
F. A. WARDWELL, Auditor.
Feed Mill for Sale.
A - horse power gasoline engine and
feed mill for sale cheap.
JOHN GOODYEAR, Toilette.
Coal ($s.5o) Coal.
Pocahontas smokeless coal, egg size
for sale by.
MONARCH ELV. co.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-03-19

Total. .o13sa4l
Tho Ndgeswood Brosdaxe, Grafton
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Price Never Changed.

The Rev. Simon Turpie was an elo-
Quent speaker, but he seemed to have
d list of sermons which, when he once
began, he went right through 10 the
end and then started at the first ser
mon again. and so on.
A young man in the congregation
was about to leave for South Africa
but the Sunday before he departed he
attended the church service.
In the course Of his lecture the min
lister used an Illustration in which were
the words "A man can easily purchase
two sparrows for threepence."
The young man, after being absent
for about three years returned ana
again on the first opportunity attended
divine service. Strange TO say, he
heard the same narrative by the same
minister, the phrase striking him most
being about the two sparroWs FOR
threepence."
At the close of the service the min
lister, in his courtesy, came and shook
hands with the youth and, welcoming
him back to his home, asked him II
he noticed any changes about the
place.
The young man. evidently quite IN
concerned replied, Aye, man, there )
two or three changes. but there's yin
thing | can see-the price o SparI0Ws
Is ave at the same auld tigger." elias
gov News
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
How Nora Coaxed the TIPS.

A group Of women were standing in
The corridor Of summer hotel when
an aged scrubwoman started upstairs
with a pail of water Just then
bright faced. buxom Irish chamber
maid came up.
This looks purity heavy for the likes
OF ye' she said cheerily to the old
wnnan Better let me help"
She took up the paid and whisked OF
upstairs with it,
How thoughtful Is Nora" Isn't
She kiud:' and similar expressions
rose 10 the lips Of the women. The
proprietor Of the hotel and another
man also witnessed the incident
Clever girl. that Nora said the
hotel man to his companion. shes
always doing something like that when
there are people looking on. She gets
more tips than any two other girls in
the house. She could afford to pay me
for the privilege of working here.
Every summer she makes enough to
spend the winter in idleness at her old
home in Ireland. New York Tribune.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
The Pole Star.

rrsa Major and Ursa Minor are
known also as the triones ana as Tue
Greater Vain and the Lesser VAIN. IL
is curious 10 note that the larger con-
stetlation was given the figure OF the
hear nv the Arabs and by the lroquols
red men. The assumed forms are OF
diuarilv fanciful. and the identity OF
the names in this Instance a1orus Ioou
for specula ton. Homer uses Doth Dear
and vain (WagonI ia his references 10
these stars. It is evident that the
name bear was 4 translation from
some original Aryan language, as the
constellation is called i'll SansKrlt
riksha. word that in different gen
ders means both d bear and star. Ut
course the polar star in the tail OF Ursa
Minor is the constellation point or
glory. IN this case we may say 1a1ry
shat the tail ways the dog, because the
group Of stars was once called the
dogs tail. or cynosure. From that we
have our word exposure. that toward
which all eyes turn. as to the dog
tail for sight Of the. pole star.-Minne-
apOlis Tribune.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Dropsical Oysters.

With a sneer the oyster opener point
ed to a brownish smear upon a Saddle
Rock shell.
Some fool said he has been try
ing to fatten up a batch of Saddle
Rocks with cornmeal. You might as
well try to invigorate flowers with
corned beef hash. But it is common
error to believe that cOrnmeal or Oat-
meal will fatten oysters | continually
find oysters with their shells stained
with those grains. 1t makes me laugh.
AS matter Of fact. there is no such
thing as fattening oysters. All you can
do Is swell them up with water. pre-
cisely the same as water swells a
sponge. You put them in fresh water,
which, being less dense than the soft
they are accustomed to, by the princi-
pie of osmosis penetrates and distends
their tissues-gives them, as you might
say. dropsy For my part, l don't like
fattened oysters. New Orleans Times
Democrat
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Alphahet Of the Playhouse.

we keep learning things all the
time" said an tnfEeQuent theater gOer.
Il stopped in front Of 81 theater the
other day 10 buy Il ticket Of a specu-
lator, and asked him If he had good
single near the front
"Here's one i'll O. he said. 'thir
teenth row, third seat from the aisle.
Now, YOU know. l don't carry the
relative positions Of the letters Of the
alphabet i'll my mind all the time.
have to work for living and have
other things to think Of. But it struck
lie that must be farther down the
line than thirteen, and so | Just count
ed up the letters on my finger tips, and
| made q come fifteenth, and | said SO
TO the ticket man. but that didn't wor-
~ him any.
There's no \ ia this theater.' he
said, and there's no | in any orches-
ira in town
And having my finger tip figuring
thus handtly knocked out. bought the
ticket. w Washington Post
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21

In 1857 Small Eyes, a Blackfoot who
had come down from the north and
joined the Arapa hoes and lived with
them. told Black Kettle, a Cheyenne In
George Bent's lodge, about having
killed between the Cimarron and
Beaver creek, a tributary Of the north
fork Of the Canadian, a buffalo bull
which had only one hind leg. Accord
ing to Small Eyes story. 1t did not ap-
pear that the bull had lost one Of its
hind legs, but rather that it never had
had more than one. The hind leg was
very large, seemed TO be in the mid
die Of the body instead of at one side,
and there was no sign OF any missing
leg. 1t looked as II the two hind legs
which the buffalo ordinarily has had
IN some way fused together
The war party with which Small
Eyes was travelling was passing along
near hollow when the bull came up
out Of it, and some Of the men ran
ahead, got AROUND it and shot it with
a gun. 1t was not able to run fast,
but rather hObbled along.-Forest and
Stream
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Ornaments Of tho Peerade.

Lord Lyveden is an ardent peerage
reformer and tells an anecdote in this
connection for whose authenticity he
pledges himself This narrates how a
famous statesman of the nineteenth
century was called upon to visit his
son in prison. He bitterly reproached
him. remarking, Here am l. having
worked my way up from a middle
class home to a great position, and
when | die you will be the greatest
blackguard in the peerage." The son
listened quietly and then replied, with
terrible irony, "Yes-when you die
Another of Lord Lyveden's peerage
stories is equally piquant. The son Of
peer applied to a friend in the north
Of England for a housekeeper and was
recommended certain Mrs. Brown.
The peer wrote to the woman accord
ingly to the effect that. having learned
particulars of her character he was
willing to engage her as his house
keeper and making an appointment for
her to call and see him on a certain
date. The good woman replied:
My Lord-From what have learned Of
house. l am your lordship's obedient
servant ANNE BROWN
Westminster Gazette.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
eiunders Of tho Types.

Ever since the Introduction Of type
setting errors, weird or comical, have
emanated from printers Offices The
mistakes are not always to be shout
dered on to the compositor, for bad
handwriting must be taken into &C
count Here are a few instances of
actual blunders collected by d proof
reader in the course of his daily work
His blushing bride" was transform
ed into his clustering bride"
A major was stated to have SERVED
with destruction in the army The
writer thought he used the word dis
tinction.'
THE Galley Love- was the descrip-
ton Of picture entitled THE Galley
Slave"
Speaking Of theatrical folk, critic
wrote that NEARLY all have husbands
or wives" The paragraph printed
read hundreds Of wives
'They sailed for three days around
the cape and finally slaughtered a
small Italian should have been
sighted small island"
One more in conclusion He takes
delight In talking on his family shame
was a shameful thing to say when
''favorite theme" was meant
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Extract of knowledge.

An article on Examination Humor"
in a periodical called Normal Echoes
contains some good "howlers" They
are none the less interesting for com
ing from students in training for teach
erS. A criticism of William Blake that
las child he was precociOus in po-
etry, but in later years it developed into
dogma tisn." is a lesson in the art Of
being inarticulate. while the remark
that 1.-The works Of the time We're most
~ satyrs' is quaint though obvious.
OF course there is BICYCLING over proper
names. There is nothing, indeed. so
good as the description Of Cromwell
as "a man with coarse features and
having Il large red nose. with deep re-
ligious convictions beneath" or the
case of the Elapsed man. who, having
by way Of exception attended church,
admitted to the rectOr's wife that he
had benefited. for he had learned that
Sodom and Gomorrah We're two cities,
whereas he had always thought they
were man and wife. Manchester
Guardian
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Eat and Disease.

If the Medical Record is right. man
Is pursuing in the matter Of bodily
weight what is bad for him, a common
trick, and woman pines for Il physical
ideal that would mean long life If
achieved, something rare indeed for
women to do. Most men struggle to
be fat Most women diet to be lean.
Dr. Brandreth Symonds draws from a
study Of life insurance weights that
people past the age OF thirty live long
er if below normal weight than they
do If at or above standard Heart dis
ease IS as rare among the underfat as
it is common with the heavy folk, and
this is true also Of Bright'S disease,
apopleXy, paralysis, cerebral conges-
lions and cirrEosis Of the liver Only
In pneumonia and tuberculosis do the
underWeights carry a greater risk. In
all the cases which he examined Dr.
Symonds found not single fat man
who reached the age Of eighty years,
while forty-four short weights passed
this mark
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Oddities of Color Blindness.

Color blindness. OF the inability to
distinguish certain coors, is by no
means rare. Incomplete color blindness
is when Il person cannot distinguish
one Of the fundamental colors, red,
green or violet. II person is told to
select colors resembling violet. he will
il red blind usually select blues as we'll
as violets. II he ia green blind, he will
select green or gray. with possibly
some blues and violets OF the brightest
shades Violet blindness is rare To a
red blind person the American flag ap-
pears To have green and white stripes,
while the white stars appear on vio-
let field. To a green blind person the
stripes have the proper colors. but the
field for the stars is red violet To 4
violet blind person the stripes are nor
NAL. but the stars appear to be set in a
dark brownish gray field. TO person
who Is totally color blind the blue OF
the flag appears light yellOWlsh
brown. while the red stripes seem to
be darker brown.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
The PLAYS Mixed.

During one Of his tours in this coun-
try. when the late Sir Henry Irving
was playing Twelfth Night in New
York. he revealed observation-disclosures
and greatly amused the members Of
his company and the audience. AS
Malvolio be was expressing surprise
at u remark Of Sir Toby.
EDO you know what you say?" he
asked
To his surprise. a roar Of laughter
echoed through the house, and his
stage associates were convulsed.
He repea ted the line, putting undue
emphasis on the pronoun, and again
the audience shouted with laughter.
1t was not until after the perform
ance he learned that quite unconscious
ly he had been parodying the well
known words of The Private Secre-
tary." His only explanation was that
it was done in bit Of forgetfulness
while thinking Of the other play
Chicago Record Herald
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21

i have never quite made out" says
writer in Near East" why the
plain Of Sliynitsa has come to be re-
sarded as the scene Of one Of the great
decisive battles Of the worlds his
tory. 1t did not even decide the Servo
Bulgarian war In 1855. That was de-
cided by Austria intervention The
battle Of Slivnitsa is really only re-
markable for the Comical fact that
both sides thought they were defeated,
and while Milan OF Seryia was hurry
Ing home In confusion Alexander Of
Bulgaria galloped all the way back to
his capital before he learned that the
tide had turned. Nowadays the vii
lage looks sleepy enough. poor and
dirty, like most Bulgarian villages. but
almost gay when the sun shines upon
Its red roofs
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
The Chinese Hoe.

The Chinese farmer stands second to
none in all the world. This Is all the
more remarkable since he has really so
few implements with which to work
the marvels he produces. His only i'm
plements are the hoe, the pillow and the
harrow. Beyond these the Chinese
farmer never dreams If desiring any
other. The first Of these tools seems
never to be out of his hands. for it is
the one upon which he relies the most
and is his most effective implement. 1t
really takes the place of the spade in
England, though the latter Is never put
to such extensive and general uses as
the hoe. The Chinaman can do any
thing with 1t but make it speak. A
farmer we'll on in years can easily be
recognized amidst number of work
lngmen by the curve his hands have
taken from holding the hoe in the
many years Of toll in his fields. With
it, il he is poor man and has no oxen
to plow the ground he turns UP the
soil where he is going to plant his
crops, and with it he deftly and with
a turn Of his wrist levels out the sur
face SO that it is made ready for the
seed With broad bladed hoe he dips
to the bottom OF stream or of pond.
draws up the soft mud that has gath
cred there and, with a dexterous
swing, filings the dripping hoeful on to
his field nearby to increase it's richness
by this new deposit -London King.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
An Idol Shattered.

Some one has said that people that
are fond Of hero worship should never
make pilgrimage to see the hero.
Here is an instance:
An enthusiastic young lady admirer
called on her favorite author. In
speaking Of her visit she said:
I'm sorry ! saw him. He didn't
look at all like an author long,
waTy hair: no dreamy expression; no
eyes fixed on the stars as il to read
the secrets Of the heavens: no musical
low voice nothing to suggest the
genius. No. found him leaning on
the garden gate, in his shirt sleeves
swearing at grocery boy! And his
hair was close cropped. and he looked
As If he hadn't shaved in a week He
was the most terribly human specimen
| ever saw."-Atlanta Constitution.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
The Wickedest Bit of Sea.

Nine out Of ten travellers would tell
inquifers that the toughest piece OF
water is that cruel stretch in the Eng
lish channel. and nine out Of ten tray
eiers would say what was not true.
AS matter OF fact, "the wickedest
bit Of sea- Is not in the Dover strait or
in yachting, for example, from st. Jean
de LUZ up TO Panillac or across the
Mediterranean race" from Cadiz to
Iangier. nor is it in rounding Cape
Horn, where there is what sailors call
a true" sea The "wickedest sea" is
encountered n rounding the Cape OF
Good Hope for the eastern ports Of
Cape Colony
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Saved by a Photograph.

4 very remarkable incident occurred
at Rio de JaneirO
A passenger on board one Of the
large liners took i photograph of the
harbor. 1t included small yacht
which had sailed in the morning with
two men ia her but returned in the
evening with one only. The survivor
said his companion had fallen over
board. but his statement was not be-
lieved He was tried and sentenced to
death. The matter had by this time
come to the ears Of the photograp her,
who remembered that the picture had
been taken on the day Of the crime
(or ACCIDENT and that the scene en-
braced yacht. On examining the
print more carefully he noticed small
speck on the sail and in order to de-
ternine what 1T was had an enlarge
ment made. 1t proved to be the figure
Of man falling 1t was shown to the
authorities at once, and the condemned
man was released.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
The Best Pride.

\ titled Englishman while in New
port talked most entertainingly to a
group Of ladies about ancestral pride
Ancestral pride is an excellent
thing" he said, but there are better
things. We have long felt in Great
Britain that there are better things.
heard the sentiment rather neatly ex-
pressed last season by duchess. Hers
is great family, but she was talking
to a young marquis whose family Is
incomparably greater. He is a rather
worthless, lazy. dissipated young mar
Quis, and he boosted to the duchess
about his people
81 am very proud Of my ancestry,
you know he ended
Yes said the duchess. and you
have cause to be, but l wonder how
your ancestry would feel about your
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
What a Scotsman Wears

\ Scottish correspondent, signing
himself "Haggis,' writes to us as fol-
lows:
Dear Sir-Ilease state In your column
that Scotsman wears kilt. not kits
Ihus harry Lauder went to amuse the
King clad in kilt, not in kits.
we regret TO say that we find our
selves unable TO accede to orr ,,1r,a,
spondehts request Respect for truth
compelS US to state that a Scotsman
almost Invariably wears neither kilt
nor kits. but tfousers.--London News
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
New Use For Miscellaneous.

Mrs. Celia Nuttall, the archaeoloGist,
was making some excavations IN Mex
leo. The Indians We're removing the
earth some distance from the point OF
excavation IN the customary manner -
that IS, on piece of coarse cloth tled
between two poles, stretcher fashion,
carried by two Indians This method
seemed rather iaborious to Mrs. Nut
tall, so she ordered several iron wheel
barrows from the city. When they
arrived she turned them over TO the
foreman after explaining to him what
they were for and how to use them.
Next day when she visited the work
the Indians had discarded bheir priml-
tive parihuelaS and were using the
bright new WheelbarrOWs. As each
barrow was filed with earth il was
picked up by two indians, one using
the handles and the other the wheel.
and carried tu the place where the
earth was to be deposited. All efforts
to get the Indians to use the wheel
barrOws properl. failed, and they kept
on carrying them unaa the work was
finished,
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
For a Brides Dowry.

There is a very pretty custom in
some OF the northern parts Of Europe
There the white poplar In good soil
Increases a shilling in value every
year The trees are generally cut down
at the age Of twenty years, as they
are then supposed to have attained
their full growth. When a daughter is
born IN the family Of we'll to do
farmer the father as soon as the sea-
son permits plants a thousand young
trees, and these are to constitute the
dowry Of the maiden, (which grow as
she grows and increases In height and
value as her virtues and beauty in
crease"
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
RI arsh Music,

The politician caught with the goods
was counseled by his friends to STAY
and face the music.
For an instant he listened to the
clamor of denunciation.
Great Scott" he exclaimed impa-
tlently, do you call that music?"
A moment later he was out of hear
1ng.-Philadelphia Ledger.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Half a LEAGUE,

The class had just finished recit1n g
'"The Charge Of the Light Brigade"
"Now," said the teacher, can any
one present tell me the meaning Of
those words, Half Lacquer"
Up shot the hand of Thomas Jones,
aged eleven. football captain and in
dOmitable fullback.
please, sir, it means they couldn't
get enough clubs to make up the full
league"
SoLae one had Numbered. - London
Answers
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Out to Work.

"What society needs Is clearing
house"
What do you meanY'
Il wish | didn't have to go to the
Van SQuawks' ball next week. The
Van Squawks wish they didn't have
to ask me. Why can't we exchange
certificates aud call the thing even"
Kansas City Journal
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Not a BARGAIN.

"Do you think that Miss Kidder was
having fun with me-" asked Chawlie
"Well. old chap, give me the Details"
was Awthur's response
You see, had my bull terrier with
me, and l said to her, That dog knows
as much as l do And she said, Don't
you think $3.50 was too much to pay
for him p cleveland Leader.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Why He Barked.

witness In an Irish court talked so
loud that Charles Philips, who was
counsel on the other side, said, Eel
low. why do you bark so furiously"
Because" said the man, looking
hard at Philips, Il think I see thief"
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Soon Gets Over 1t.

What is the honeymoon. pap
well. the honeymoon is the only
period in mans life during which he
considers it funny TO come home and
ind that his dear little wife hasn't
dinner ready in time"
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
Quite of Her Opinion

ON. did so want to have talk
with gou. I'm simply mad to 90 on
me stage exclaimed gushing young
iauy TO popular actor.
Yes, | should think you would he
my dear Young lady, remarked TIE
great histrion
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
How Rows Becip

Hubby. l dreamed last night that
you didn't love me-"
How foolish You aret"
Foolish, am |? AS If | could help
what l dream aboutv'
And the fracas was on.-Louisville
Courier-J ournal.
The Newport miner. [volume] (Newport, Wash.) 1899-current, 1909-01-21
What Kent Him.

why couldn't you have come home
at reasonable hour?" remarked an
angry wife TO her spouse.
Could, m'dear. jes easy as not. but
l-h1c-was waitin' fer you t. go t.
sheep" replied the delinquent.