davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
PSassGRBMINATIHS ABSuT the DOCTOR


The Old Codgcr Tells How Young Or.
Smart Is Transformed.
when I usel to be niline-had
spring fever. say. or some such pal
try complaint. piilosoruminatinsly
said the Old Codser. "I'd send for
young Doctor Smart. whose ofIico
hours we're from Q to l and from 2
TO 4;sO, and he'd come snip-step-
ping, dogskin-glosed and cye-glassed
and give me a little something late
and scientific, and say considerable
about therapeutics and auto-sugges-
tion and sanitation. and all such,
and shut his me sicine-case with a
conclusive snap, and with all cure
me. and send HIS bill around prompt
~ on the first.
But when ! was really sick, when
] was down and under and weakly
scrabbing for straws and up-gug-
ging for dear life. always sent for
old Doc. Pillsbury. who didn't have
an Office hour to his name. but would
come boging along, any time day or
night, no matter how deep the snow
was or It was raining pitchfolks with
the tines down, and flop down his old
saddle-bags, faithful relics Of the
days when he couldn't afford bug
gy and travelled on horseback, and
grin at me like an amiable hyena
and gimme a dose that would lift my
hair. And away along towards
morning, when I'd wake up feeling
better, I'd see pudgy old Doc. hump
ed over fast asleep in the red rocker.
where he had sat all night waiting
to see what the medicine would do
to me. When I'd speak he'd jump
wide awake. and kinda grin and say
that he didn't know as It was really
worth while to try to save such
trifiing reprobate. anyhow, but he'd
got the habit and couldn't quit. And,
likely as not, he'd forget to send the
bill at all.
well, nowadays I'm employing
Doctor Smart alone, L'cuz old Doc
Pillsbury has gone t. get his pay
where all debts are liquiiated in full
with the surplus running over into
the saucer. 1t was storming like all
fury that night, SO | presume old
Doc. didn't feel at all surprised
when the last call came, and-well,
anyhow. Doctor Smart amt as nippy
as he used to be. and wear mittens
In cold weather now. and is getting
gray, and has no ofice hours any
more, and is generally called Doc
by US who are best acquainted with
him. and is talking less about thera-
peutics and giving us a good deal
bigger doses than he used to.
'Eh-yah! 1t amt the Office hours
or the Latin on the diploma, but the
Doc and his faithful. answering
Self-sacrihce. that makes the doctor,
after all."-Tom p. Morgan, in Puck.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
And the Prayer Was Anrwered.

Little Dorothy at the age Of 6,
was very thoughtless regarding the
care Of her clothes. and the many
admonitions she had received about
neatly arranging her clothes on a
chair each night before retiring were
daily forgotten.
One night. just as she was ready
for bed, her mother came in and,
finding the little garments in heap
on the floor. as usual, said, "Doro-
thy. you may say your prayers, and
then mother viii have to punish you
for not minding her about your
clothes" Having said this she step
ped into the adjoining room and par
TALLY closed the door
In q few moments she heard
Dorothy. who was firm believer in
the power Of prayer, repeat, Now
lay me, and after the amen" she
heard this appeal, And, dear Lord,
II ever you wanted to help a little
kid. now's your chance"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
Telephone Hospitality.

Mr.. Brown had just had tele-
phonic connection between his once
and house and was very much
pleased with it.
II tell you, Smith," he was sayfHE.
"this telephone business is a won
derful thing. want you to dine
with me this evening, and l will
notify Mrs Brown to expect you"
Brown (speahing through the tele-
phone) My friend Smith will dine
with us this evening"
Now listen and hear how plain
her reply comes back"
Mrs. Browns reply came back
with startling distinctness:
ASK your friend Smith If he
thinks we keep hoteli'N
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

Ice is regarded with a superstitious
reverence in Italy. France and Eng
land. Common walters are not al
lowed to touch the precious product.
Instead the head waiter hands It out
in inhnitesimal fragments with a pair
Of sugar-tongs. Recently the London
newspapers have been elamoring for
the advent of some enterprising AM
erican with an ice plant. Most Of
the London editors are Americans or
have been In America and their pal
ates yearn for long, cold things with
straws in them in preference to the
yeasty British beer.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
Taking His Medicine

Professor William Lyon Phelps, Of
Yale. recently told this story at New
Haven's Chamber Of Commerce ban
quet. A hard drinl1er was told by
his doctor that he could be cured II
every time he felt that he must have
q drink he would Immediately take
something to eat instead. The man
followed the advice and was cured,
but the habit of asking for food had
become so ixed with him that once
he was nearly locked up as a lunatic
He was stopping at a hotel, and.
hearing great eOmmotion in the
room next to his, he peeped over the
transom to see what the matter was.
lie saw and rushed madly down to
the ONCE and shouted to the clerk;
The man in 153 has shot himselfl
T"m and egg sandwich, please!"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
EASY TO DO"
Thrift.

Two Scotch travellers, a merchant
and farmer, we're discussing politi-
cal economy in a railroad carriage.
After while the merchant filled his
pipe, lit 1t, and settled back for a
comfortable smoke. The farmer took
his pipe from his pocket and. after
gazing longingly at its empty bowl.
asked his companion for a match.
The merchant selected one from a
large boxful and handed 1t over. SAID
the farmer: Il am afraid I've come
away wi'out my baccy pouch"
WELL" said the merchant, holding
out his hand, then yen no be in
need OF that match"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

A man who called himself George
Arnold was before Police Court
Judge on the charge OF stealing a
ride on a train to Dagupan, accord
Ing to Philippine Gossip.
Where we're you2" asked Judge
Low, referring to his former place
of abode.
I'm Manila" was the reply. Il
was waiting"
Waiting for whom?"
Just waiting
What were you waiting for?"
ITO get my money"
who from?"
THE man ! was waiting for"
What did he owe it to you for?"
For waiting"
How did you start in waiting?"
by beginning to wait"
What do you mean? Explain
yourself"
81 thought you knew l was wait
Ing in restaurant"
"Ohl" gasped the Judge.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
1 I'm dE NRIENILL Hlala
A Walter IN q Broken Voice Told Of
an UntimeIy Demise.


an UntimeIy Demise.
The only drawback to a tropical
winter Is the flies. In the hot sun
Of January day in Egypt, Morocco
or Algeria the fiies are an incredible
pest You see them in the corners
Of the eyes Of native children, and
men lie asleep in sunny places with
flies crawling over their lips.
The natives don't mind the fies.
In fact, they like them. At boorj,
or native inn, in the Sahara, a trav-
eler said to the waiter. pointing in
dignantly at his stew Of barley and
goats flesh:
How comes this dead ny in my
couscous?"
Monsieur" replied the waiter, Il
can not tell you. Perhaps the ny
had not eaten for many days, and,
throwing itself ravenously on the
couscous, fed with too great hearth
ness, thereby contracting an infam-
nation Of the stomach severe enough
to cause death The poor little thing
could never have been strong. When
/ brought the couscous It was dane
Ing and humming merrily on the sur
face. Perhaps--this idea has Just
presented itself to met endeavor-
ed to swallow too large a piece of
meat. The morsel stuck In its wind
pipe A terrific coughing fit, inaudi-
Bile to our gross cars, ensued. Alas,
soon all was over"
The waiter wiped his eyes and said
in a broken voice:
Il can account in no other way for
the poor creatures death"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

Gentlemen of the jury" srupted
the attorney for the plaintif, sd-
dressing the twelve peers who were
sitting In Judgment and on their re-
spective shoulder blades, in a dam
age suit against u grasping corpora
tion for killing COW, If the train
had been running as slow ss It
should have been ran. II the bell had
been rung as It ort 10 have been
rang. or the whistle had been blown
as it should have been blew, none Of
which was did, the COW would not
have been injured when she was
killed."
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

A native OF AMMAN. Indo-China.
sentenced In Paris for theft. wrote
the following apology 10 his employ
er; All Annamites. whether en-
perors. mandarins, secretaries. liter
airy men and others. are born thieves.
II is a grave and deadly complaint,
and there is no cure for II. know
people 90 not like thieves in France,
but it eannot be helped"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
"An Army Contract"

In q street OF Edinburgh one day
a dusty soldier went up to q little
bootblaek and told the boy to brush
his boots and polish them well. The
lad looked at the big Scots Gray and
shouted blithely to another boot
black;
"HaW, Sandy, come over an gle US
a haundl" with his hands curved
round his mouth to form q speak
ing-trumpet "Se wha's here WI
mel I've got an army contract"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
psaaHapepopogoaosese4osope

Physicians have long been looking
for harmless headache cure. It
has been produced by an eminent
chemist of the National Capital. 1t
is known as BRoMo-PEPsIN. Besides
curing every form of headache
instantly, Bromo Pepsin is equally
and as promptly afficacious in
chronic and acute indigestion and
the nervous disorders incident there
o. 1t is efferescent and pleasant
to take and may be had of all up tc
date druggists at ten cents a bottle.
IL comes as boon to mankind anG
womankind. For sale at q. o.
Armstrong. Druggist.
onoA0AsAeAOAeAOaeaoaOaea
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

"A most peculiar effect was pro-
dueed by an announcement in the
advertisements of a county fair to
be held in my State" sa25 Congress-
man Champ Clark. Among other
things, the announcement said that
attractive features OF this great
Fair will be highly amusing donkey
races and pig-races.' Then, to the
amazement of the tudicious, this
note was added Competition IN
these two contests win be open to
citizens Of the county onlyi"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
To Get Rid Of NIosnnIloes

A Memphis (Mo.) man has dis
covered a new way to get rid OF mos
quitoes. He says to rub alum on
yodr face and hands When the
mosquito takes bite. II Fuckers his
buzzer so it can't sting. It sits
down ina damp place, tries to dig the
puSker loose, catches its death OF
cold, and dies Of pneumonia.-Min-
neapolis Journal
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
JUsTIFIsBLE
New Evidence Which Influenced the
jury to Acanit 81.

Jury to Acquit 81
Ezra heerd 81 Piummer got a
verdict Of iustehed homerside fer
KILN thet summer boarder last Au-
gust, an everybody ssyin' It was
sech a cold-blooded crime. too.
Rufus-Wal, thar was some new
evidence at the trial. Fust. Sis wife
told how. when the feller came, he
sees a patch on Sis trouseres an
sez, Il see you got stitch in your
side" Then sis little gal got up
an evidenced how the feiler follered
81 out to the yard when they was
wasbin' the milk cans an yells,
Don't you know honesty's the best
polercy?" Finely. the hired man
swore how, on the day OF the mur-
der, after he an 81 had pitched hay
from s e. m. to 4 D. NJ, With the tenn
perature like Haydays in the shade
an New York in the sum- they heers
a hyenahke Ian behind, and, look
in up, sees thet feller under a tree.
with straw hat an his flannel
trousers rolled nice an cool, with a
refreshin bottle in his hand. an he
chirpin', Go it, Rube. Make hay
while the sun shines!"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
When the Llttle NLnn sonred.

A meek-looking little man with a
large pasteboard box climbed on the
car. AS he did so he bumped slightly
into a sleepy. corpulent passenger
with a self-satished look and two lit
tie dHbs Of sidewhiskers. AS The car
rounded a curve the box rubbed
against him again and he growled:
This is no freight car, is it?"
Nope" returned the meek little
chap with the box, "and when you
come right down to It, it amt any
cattle car, either, is it,"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

II am afraid l never will grow up
and look like woman pouted the
bride-tO-be THE other day, while
was having one Of my new walk
Ing suits fitted and was insisting
that it would have to be finished this
week the tailor asked ne; When
DOES your s'tool opens? And that
frock is . part OF my trousseaut"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

Marshall P. Wilder tells the story
of a wife who told her husband that
the cat had eaten the pie that she
had baked for him. Never mind.
my dear" replied the husband, 81
VIII get you another cat"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

YES" said the mild-mannered
man; Il have been where the hui
lets fell thickest."
"a war veteran2"
mo. Guide in the Maine woods
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
RECKLESS.

John docking at drop of water
through a microscope)-"It is won
derful."
Janet-"Come ava, joint What
would come Of us IL the horrible
things should brak' out o. the wa
teri"
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15

Moral and Material Responsibility.
Private life should be walled In
ana sacred, but public life has o
such right All public existence 4. e.
ated by great public interests creates
a responsibility, and this responsible
ity Is moral as wen as material.
There is no gainsaying this. and all
public functionaries admit they are
responsible for their personal &C.
tions.
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
NOTICE.

NOTICE.
The Commissioners Of Pike County
will hereafter hold Regular Meetings
the first Monday of each mo. between
thehours of 8 m aud 4 p. m. except
ing in the months when Court may
be In session, and then during Court
THEO. II. BAKER
Commissi 'ners Clerk
Pike County press. (Milford, Pa.) 1895-1925, 1909-01-15
A Dutch Proverb.

Much would have more and lost
all.-From the Dutch.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1909-03-13

meeting of the kind in the history of
the order in Idaho.
An employee of the Potlatch Lumber
company's camp z, at Bovill, was struck
by two logs recently and covered so
that one of the logs had to be sawed
in two to extricate him. The man,
whose name is Sawyer, received only a
broken ankle.
The new Methodist church at Occur
d 'Alene City was dedicated Sunday.
The new church is one of the hand
soonest structures of the kind in the
northwest. The cost of its construction
was $17,288, and it has a seating ca
pacity of $50 people. 1t is elegantly
finished on both the exterior and in
terror, and is luxuriously equipped.
The organization of the Idaho FEEDER
alton of Commercial Clubs, which seems
now assured, will mark the beginning
of spirit of cooperation which will
undoubtedly prove beneficial to the
communities interested. The clubss will
be assessed according to membership
and literature descriptive of the entire
district will be distributed over the
middle west.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1909-03-13
NEWS OF THE WORLD
SHORT DISPATCHES FROM ALL
PARTS OF The GLOBE.
Review of Happenings in Both
Eastern and Western Hemispheres
During the Past Week-National,
Historical, Political and Personal
Events.

Congress has decided not to raise the
wrecked Maine, near Cuba.
Nearly rs per cent of the population
of Cuba at least 10 years of age can
read.
The Milk Producers association of
Chicago has boosted the price of milk
to cents a quart.
The president has appointed Claude
/. Parker collector of internal revenue
for the sixth district of California.
j. o. Carter, for many years a promi-
nent figure in the business and political
life OF the Hawaiian islands, is dead
The butterine plant and storage house
of Swift & Co., in the stockyards, Chi
cago, was destroyed by fire Saturday.
The neutral lard house was also partly
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1909-03-13
BILLION DOLLAR CONGRESS.
One Closing This Week Has Largest
Approximations on Record


Now that billion-dollar sessions OF
congress are the rule little other than
appropriation legislation can be enacted
during the short sessions, and the one
to close this week is no exception. The
appropriations probably will be the
largest on record, even exceeding the
81 ,OOs, O0O,O 900 provided for at the first
session. As only one Of the IS general
appropriation bills has been sent to
the president for his signature an accur-
ate statement of the amount TO be ap-
propriated is impossible.
Scarcely any Of the general policies
of the country were touched upon at
this session. Discussion Of the secret
service, the Panama canal, the Browns
vile affair and the Tennessee Coal and
Iron company purchase has brought the
administration prominently in view. The
veto of the census bill because the en-
ployes for the taking of the decenmal
census were not to be placed under civil
service regulations was a feature in an
other interesting chapter. This bill goes
over to the special session.
The appropriation of $4,000 for the
relief of the Italian earthquake suffer
ers has been spoken of as the most
significant enactment of the session. A
companion piece of legislation was en-
acted in the first session when the re-
mission of the remainder Of the Chinese
indemnity was authorized.
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1909-03-13
MONTANA NOTES.

Ole Synness, one of the best known
ranchmen of Silver, died recently.
The senate has passed the house bill
authorizing domestic corporations t.
hold stocks in other companies.
A. N. DAILY, a carpenter of Shelby
imprisoned for drunkenness, attempted
to break Jail and was fatally shot by
the IA year old son of the deputy
sheriff
Postmasters have been appointed in
Montana as follows: Alama, Chouteau
county, Ina r. Keith; Trout Creek, San.
ders county, Neros /. Hart.
Robert Moore, pumpman of the city
water works at Glendive, whose duty il
Is to turn on the water in case of fire
was arrested recently, charged with set
ting several fires in the town.
Charles Stephens, aged II, Of Butte.
was knocked unconscious recently in
row, being struck by Lionel Smith.
aged IA, and fears are expressed that
Stephens will die. The two bows had
crossed in love.
At Butte, Vivian Lagrange, aged 25.
an actress Of striking beauty, and for
merly member Of Patterson s company
Of - bronze statutes,' which has been
playing on vaudeville circuits Of the
country, committed suicide. 1t is a case
Of dependency in love.
The jury in the case against Henry
hheams, charged with the murder Of
William Dempsey, who was mortally
wounded in the holdup of the Shelby
tram last May, returned a verdict find
ing the defendant guilty and fixing his
punishment at life imprisonment.
County Attorney J. G. Huntoon of
Fergus county has filed an information
charging John A. Tabor with murder
pa the first degree, and the trial viii
De begun shortly. Tabor shot and
KILLED Daniel Rowan on the stage De-
tween Grass Range aud Gilt Edge.
To ayenge himself on the husband of
ihe woman for whose wr0nqing b. had
just completed five years term in the
penitentafy, Joseph Brown shot and
killed Robert Gilrufh Sunday while the
iaiter, accompanied By bis brother, was
Naikng along The road near CHECKER.
man 3 mAI, siT miles west Of Lolo.
Mont Brown, who Was badly cut was
arrested in Nisaoula feW hours later
and tAe brother of ihe slain man Is held
Ae "a witness Whom arrested Brown M.
Glazed chat Ae Dad boon attacked by the
Viiiuin DfoiAers viii an af and that lo
shot in SELF deionso 1Ae brother of ihe
dead man hauy denies hroHp > sfaie.
mont and declares fhai he and Do
brother nele deliberately ambuahod by
IifoHn
Elk City mining news. (Elk City, Idaho) 1903-1913, 1909-03-13
ITEMS OF IDAHO, MONTANA,
WASHINGTON AND oregon.
A Few Interesting Items Gathered
From Our Exchanges of the Sur
rounding Country-Numerous Acct
dents and Personal Events Take
Place-Outlook Is Good.
WASHINGTON STATE NEWS

line between White Bluffs and Kenne
wick.
The typographical strike at WalIa
Walla is ended by new Union-States
man deal
fakima's county commissioners an
nounce that SIS, 1000 will be spent for
good roads in the coming summer.
Postofiice Inspector A. f. Watson
was trampled upon recently by the
hoofs of a runaway team at Spokane.
The state senate passed a bill appro-
priating $4,000 for the irrigation con-
gress to be held in Spokane next sum-
mer.
John Halter, aged about 40 years.
of Rockford, was instantly killed at
Spokane while attempting to board an
electric train.
An epidemic Of spinal meningitis that
battles the veterinaries and already has
caused the loss of several horses is
sweeping WhatcOm county.
Negotiations are on with North Yak
ina commercial club for the establish
ment Of permanent exhibit in New
York city of Yakima valley products.
A Spokane concrete company carried
of a large share of the prizes Just
awarded in the concrete exposition
which opened in Chicago January 16.
If Spokane shippers can not receive
justice from the Hill Hartman rail
roads, at least they are in position to
retaiiate by refusing to ship over these
roads.
The record Of Spokane bank clear
ings for the month of February exceed
cd that Of any previous February in
the history Of the city by more than 30
per cent.
ounnyside boasts Of a rest room.
nearly year old now, where visiting
ranchers and their wives may readiust
their toilets and pass their leisure time
while ia town.
A. y. LaClair has sold his 72O-acre
ranch north Of Oakesdale TO j.. NJ.
Sever, residing near Colfax, for $50 800.
The Laciair ranch Is one Of the finest
la the PalOuse country.
Senator n. q. McCrosl1ey has re-
turned 10 Garfield from an inspection
Of bis $500 acre wheat farm and re.
ports prospects catering for one of the
biggest crops the Inland Empire has
ever had.
surveyors arc al work a mile from
kJona, plating the new NORTH Coast
railroad toNu NJ benton The building
of fuis tonn VIII mean practically "a
new depot for llona and a expected /
to Increase values and tend 10 make this I
town grop rapidly.
Tho c0ifaE bigb school Val debate
ihe Dayton hlgl school Tor the chan.
pionshIp " tle Eastern Washington
hieb helool debating association, fle
Hipnef ~ meei iAe Neoi side leaders
fof tpe slate championship. C0lfal ~.
feaifd spokane fflaay
a representative of tbo Norihnesiorn
tit hplhfaiuf company Aae closed q
aeai Nitl az ciiy NJ hiizyllle f0r ~
'nfip'|nilon 0f o. alarm ayalam. ~
fosi 1000 AZ. 80 las 49, closed a
Nfa| nlil az apilQrlilff III Cashmere
fDi tNp foe M iIo bose nnd ofaor
equipment ~ az nep 1ie aepanmoni
a Niai p'see
Nf''nf NNfunef Iiay ~ appolnfod
foNp " lenaN ~ foailIf aulorof
isNHN ~ IInf county. NJ AZ M -.
'HN'f fHss'f A yiA0 alpo'nimfni NJ
fNNsf George n hpu.f NJ Az fapeus
N'N'l isDNa'f A nenp1lal , foun0l
H'Njpl NJ haslilf 49, ~ pannol NJ
Al 4 iIHiiNtel. HID A. Az M lNll0lafy