The Hawaiian star. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu]) 1893-1912, 1909-10-16
JOBSON UNDERTAKES
TO RAISE A BEARD

After Mr.. Jobson had gone without
shave for five days Mrs. Jobson
mentioned it to him. He looked so
much like Nat Wills, the vaudeville
tramp, that she couldn't help it.
my dear" she said to him, peer
ing pointedly at his stubble, haven't
you forgotten to be shaved lately?"
Mr.. Jobson felt of his stubble while
an expression of keen satisfaction
crossed his countenance (Which the
five days growth of beard made look
like the countenance of some cele-
brated murderer), and said he:
Nope, l haven't forgotten any
thing. No, nothing. l am not, as
perhaps you have reason to know,
,one of the forgetting kind"
Then he leaned back and waited
for what was to follow. Any man
who threatens to raise a beard, or
even losses out the inference that
he intends to raise one, knows per-
fectly well that lot o things are
going to follow when his wife gets
right down to the subject.
rs your face especially tender
lately?7 inquired Mrs. Jobson, with
mild curiosity. She knew better, but
she wanted to be sure.
Nope, Toughest little face twiXt
here and sunset Nary the tender.
Nothing whatever Of that kind"
There was a pause, and Mr.. job
Son leaned back some more, waiting.
Perhaps, then" said Mrs. Jobson,
you are going to get shaved only
once a week or so hereafteT?"
Mr.. Jobson sat up straight then
and looked Mrs. Jobson stralgntIy
and baletully in the eye.
That, too" he said, lis one of your
Enthusiastically bum guesses. One
of the punkiest little guesses. for
that matter, that I've heard framed
in language for quite a SPELL
well, then, said Mrs. Jobson,
and there was a certain hoarseness
IN her tone lam l to understand that
you are intending to raise beard?"
Mr.. Jobson sought to impale ner
with his gaze, but he was a little
wobbly at the stunt at that; because
every man about to raise a beard
feels bit shaky and hangdOg about
! it at home. However, Mr.. Jobson
went through with it.
That, madam" he said, lis a guess
that does credie to both you cad
and cart 1t indicates the marvellous
growth of your intelligence under
proper tutelage. Because, in saying
that you understand that l mediate
raising a beard, you sure do betray
| the possession of an understanding
that almost approximates the human.
Your understanding as to this par
ticular matter is strictly and entirely
keerect. You have, by some incruta-
able process of divination, hit the
spike right smack-dab on top of the
head | am going to raise a teard'
! AS a simple matter of non-convolut-
ed fact, am already raising beard
Then Mr.. Jobson sort O braced
himself in his chair, like one who
gets ready to assume the defensive.
| well" said Mrs. JObsOn, "all L
can say is that you're making a very
foolish mistake; that is, if you have
| any idea of looking decent"
| This was exactly what Mr., Jobson
wanted. He ached for a fighting
| ground.
Mistake, hey? And decent, eh?"
said he, in his best rasping tone.
"Wel, femme tell you something, lit
tie wan. Let me, in fact, tell you
some two or three things. This is
my beard. i am the sole and exclu-
sive proprietor of whatever capillary
or hirsute appendages l happen to be
possessed of. You won't have to
Wear The beard. The mistake won't
be yours. And you won't have to
| bear the brunt of whatever indecency
hinges to the beard, either I'll as
sumo responsibility for the indecency
| end of It,.
- 8
"Oh, ! didn't mean decent or indie
cent in that sense" put in Mrs job
son, but you above all men, will
look so perfectly horribly so out
! landish so-er-oh, so utterly dread
full win a beard, that I should think
You'd"
: above all men, hey?' Clipped in