davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

pass through the environs of Pittsburg
on dark night.
what, sir, does this mean:' she de-
manded Of me even before l had chance
to rise and place her a chair. and her
voice was quite husky with her wrath.
Pray inform me instantly. sir. what does
this mean"
II perceived that this had reference
to the little slip of paper she was SO
wildly waving and l gently took the
slip of paper from her hand. The slip
of paper was a routine. everyday notifi-
cation TO her from this bank that she
had overdrawn her account to the ex-
tent of $3.50. The notification had been
filled in by young man serving his bank
clerk apprenticeship here. 1t was very
ordinary, very everyday, very routine ut
tie matter. But it obviously was the first
notification of that kind that the lady
had ever received. and she was very
angry and of course very unreasonaoly
angry. over it.
PRAY be seated, Mrs. So-and-So,
said to the angry lady, waving her to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16
Sistant cashier.

sistant cashier. None Of these had been
able to appease her. Had l been unable
to appease her I have no doubt she would
have taken her state of wrath to the
vice president. then the president. and
perhaps, later to the board of directors.
However. l did manage to cool her out.
though it was no easy job.
LAS she entered this room here she
was waving slip of paper in her hand
and her eyes were shooting sparks al
most like the kind you see coming out
Of the chimneys of nail factories as you
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

destrians come first. He was. as 1 say
bearing down on me at the rate of about
a hundred and fifty miles an hour But
MADE him slacken up. l practically
came to a halt right in the path Of his
machine. 1 wasn't going to let him think
he could make me jump by footing at me.
Well. he had to throw on his brakes or
whatever you cali 'em. And that's what
l meant to make him do. l make it my
business in life tosshow these automobile
ruffians a thing or two about the rights
of pedestrians. Pretended that 1 wasn't
looking at his machine at all. but kept
my eyes fixed straight ahead as stepped
along with the deliberate leisureliness of
a snair Just as / got out of the line of
his off wheel, though, what did the ruff
fan do but clap on the full power of his
dingwhoppled machine. and, as l say. the
rascally contraption shot by me SO close
that the breeze of 1t almost pulled me
backwards. Dye wonder that l shook
my fist at that car? II ia had that muir
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

a load O. cabbages into town, at this time
of the afternoon, anyhow Why can't
they be made to haul their blooming CAB
bages and such truck into the city in the
forenoon? You bet they'd have to II L
had the say-so. Well. now We'll hike
back to town and mooch around the city
a bit Not much fun in the city. though.
Trouble is SO few people know how to
walk There ought to be a public school
for pedestrians. People ought to be forced
to attend in order to learn how to beat
it out of the way when they find them
selves in a clutter Of automobiles. Chill
dren especially. AS to children, if / had
my way they wouldn't be allowed on the
streets at all except going and coming
from school. I'm fond of young 'uns and
all like that, but they're the greatest an
noyance we automobilists have to con-
tend with. Why can't children be kept
In their-but, shucks, If a fellow were to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

derous scalawag by the throat / hate to
think of what I'd have done to him.
What do I think ought to be done?
Well lot O. things In the first place.
automobiles are not at all a necessity.
They're a luxury. and they breed class
hatred and that sort of thing. More
over, horses were good enough for the
people that developed our civilization. and
why aren't they good enough now? Just
you stop and think for minute of what
a noble animal horse is. and then tell
me your opinion of automobiles. You just
can't help seeing the thing from the
proper point of view. But I'm willing to
be liberal. I'm willing ito grant that
there are certain neurotic individuals
who crave the excitement and frenzy OF
driving automobiles. Now. since you're
asking me what I'd advise, l wouldn't
for one thing, permit automobiles to run
on the main streets of a city at all-the
business streets, that is. And I'd make
an irOnclad ordinance that they shouldn't
go faster, say. than three or four miles
an hour on the side streets. That's plenty
fast enough. These automobile lunatics
have got time to burn-mOre time than
brains. They don't have to hurry. They
are never going anywhere in particular in
their blasted machines They're just
SIX ddng around trying to see how many
people they can mangle or at least scare
half to death. Three or four miles an
hour at the outside Is as fast as I'd let
'em run. I'd let 'em 90, say, six miles
an hour in the outskirts and on country
roads, but no faster. That's as fast as
the average horse joys along. and that
ought to be fast enough for automobile
manacs. Yes. and I'd. make it the law
that whenever a pedestrian held up his
hand the driver of an autOmobile'd have
to come to a full stop. If the automobile
driver failed to regard this signal by the
pedestrian I'd sentence him to at least
six months over on the Eastern branch.
without the alternative Of fine. Six
months on the rockpile or in the chain
sang-that'd cure EN-! I'd fix EN-! Leave
it to me! / only wish l had the chances!
X
Following are Mr.. Dubbalons's views
since buying an automobile:
Jim-dandy. isn't she? Jump in and I'll
take YOU for a little spin. Goes like
Swiss watch, hey? Best car made. That's
the answer. Why. say, she can slap
down sixty miles an hour without taking
a long breath! I'll turn 'er loose pres
emily and show you. This fool law limit
ing the speed of cars In the city limits
to almost nothing an hour gives me all
kinds of a WEAKNESS. anyway. It's just
the cheap, measly, jealousy and envy OF
folks that don't own cars themselves that
get these laws passed. Only thing to do.
though. is to turn loose and take
chance. No fun riding around in car
at turtles pace.
Going some now. Ell. boy? Look at that
bonehead driving that buggy! The gall
Of him, mottoning to me to slacken up
just because that plug of his Is getting
balky! These folks that drive horses
think they own the roads. If l had my
way horse-haHed vehicles d only be al
lowed on these roads. say, between 9 and
The horse is an Out-of-date proposition,
anyhow. Belongs to bygone age Nee
essary factor. Of course. the horse. in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16


one of those tremenjus affairs that IKE
the mountain, invariably follows us up
heavals by giving up mice. IRE Lohoo'i
Times is called THE Thunderer, because
ut is in a chronic state of rumbling over
nothing at all.
Here, however, is the editor of the Lon
don Times-.in our midst in New 1ork-
telling us that our American papers won I
do. really, yknow.
BY this the editor of the London Times
means, of course, that the American
papers differ too much in tone. character.
makeup and things from the London
Times.
His name is c. F. Moberly Bell. He is a
languid gentleman with a languld dra"l
and accent This is his third time over
here On his two previous visits TO tne
states he found our newspapers excess
sively mediocre. Now he finds them far
worse-impossible,i in fact. Hear him:
II do not say, mind, that our own news
papers are perfect" said G. +. Moberly
BelI-meaning by our own newspapers
tn. London Times. of course-'but there
simply is no chance to compare them
with your American newspapers. they so
far excel your papers In all essentials. The
main trouble with your newspapers. you
know, is that you separate your news and
your editorials too much, ct cetera and
so on. Then c. F.. Moberly Ball went on
languidly to tell us that our newspapers
are lacking in tone. don't you know. and
character, don't you see, and dignity
don't you perceive, and-well, a whole
plenty of other things of that sort.
Comment is unnecessary. l feel that
] am doing all that is required merely by
chronicIing what c. F. Moberly Bell has
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

mixed and fnnl ItL feeIlngS OF tTIIS so'r
tleman when he gazes sadly upon his
Pacific Mail reservation and then reads
for the ever-so-manyth time, the Secre-
tary's plainly expressed opinion of his
conduct? Leaving aside all the dark
hints of "other troubles hidden mat
ters of great significance ROW between
Knox and Hitchcock and all that sort OF
thing which has been much in evidence
the past few DAYS, it must be distressing
for a minister designate to stand at the
foot of his diplomatic grave and read on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

that he has perfect right to all the
pickings.
- lTTSBURG and Detroit each having
I won three games in the worlds
championship series. the seventh and de-
Gliding game is being played today. Which
ever way it goes all the members of the
Wiseheimer family will not gather In
solemn conclave and discuss the manner
in which the public has been strung. the
games faxed, the results framed up In
advance and all that sort of thing. The
fact that the series this year went to
tie. with the playing of the seventh game
necessar-. doesn't make any difference:
If F ttsburg had won four straight or IL
Detroit lad won by some other comblna-
ton it would have been the. same. There
ale some folks this little old sphere
who Just naturally can't see anything
honest and straight in anything They
have been stung before. they say. and
they expect to be stung again. Conse-
q leatly. tn be sure they don't miss any
bets. srything at all that can be labeled
rotten by stretch of the imaginat on
is Immediately branded that way and put
aside Instead of taking it for granted
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

aiding our development and all that; but
the horses hour has come. His bell mas
tolled Good old Dobbin. and all that
sort of sentimental rot. But the pain
fact is that we don't need the morse any
more, and now he's a nuisance.
HUH I came near hitting that old
man crossing the road? Git out! Missed
him by at least a quarter of an men.
That's margin enough. Why the dickens
didn't he get out of the road. anyhow:
He heard my horn. But know all about
his kind Say. dye know there are pig
heads who actually bride up when they
hear an automobile horn? Try to look
fierce and akathat stuff. Why, blame it,
there are even fellows that turn around
and shake their fists at drivers OF auto
mobiles that hustle by EN- pretty close.
All prejudice, you know. Fact is, to be
perfectly candid. there was a time when
/ myself entertained certain vague,
misty. unreasonable prejudice against au-
tomobiles.
Whoopee, Hit that old hen right
smack-dab in the forehead. didn't We?
Look at the feathers fly! Oh, well. she'd
have been figuring in a chicken potpie
pretty soon, anyhow, and we gave her
nice, benevolent, painless finish, Ell?
Now, look at that farmers fool horse
cutting up because he sees this car. That's
all piffle on that old plugs part. That
horse is twenty-five years old If he's a
minute and he's only making out that
this machine scares him SOS to help
prejudice his rube owner against auto
mobiles I'd like to know what the deuce
a farmer is doing on this road, dragging
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

W er e
Mr.. D u b b alongs
views before own
ing an automobile:
They shouldn't be
allowed the alter
native of a fine.
They ought to be
clapped into jail,
every man-jack of
'em. They're all
maniacs. Don't tell
me they're not, II
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16
A Motor Hint.

wx ISIS LILLIAN RUSSELL, who looks
Nl younger than her daughter. was
talking about age at dinner In New
York. Miss Russell. who is always
witty, ended with this mot:
TT is a sure sign of age in a woman
when she begins to get out OF her mo-
tor car backward.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16
THE north pole mess certainly smells

THE north pole mess certainly smells
no sweeter the longer it is exposed.
While DIR. Cook travels around the coun-
try lecturing and banking the proceeds
thereof, Mr.. Peary. nursing an excessively
sore toe, composes violent blasts calculat-
ed to disturb the physician-explorer's
serenity and bring him into disrepute be-
fore the public. so far he has apparently
been unable to accomplish much in this
direction.
One thing Is certain. BY the time the
records Of the two pole finders are SUBJ
mitted to the various scientific societies
considered authorities on the subject, the
fruit tree will have been well shaken and
DIR. Cook will Have most of the results in
his own private basket. Here's hoping
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

QUITE angry lady,
the wife Of one of
our heavy deposit
ors, came to me in
her state of wrath
this forenoon" said
a bank cashier.
She had taken
her state of wrath
first to the paying
teller. then to the
receiving t Ell | e r,
then to the as
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

HO can help feelin &
rry for Mr..
Crane of Chicago.
the garrulous soul
who was appointed
minister to China
and then abruptly
separated from his
never -to-be-reach-
ed post by the
hand of Secretary
of State Knox. Can
one imagine the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

said about our newspapers.
C. F. Moberly Bell was little more lib
era as to our hotels.
Really. your hotels have improved.
don't you now" said c. F. Moberly Bell
in a tone that was very nearly ardent.
Il noticed it at once. They have i'm
proved since / was here before A tray
eler can now be quite comfortable in your
hotels, really.
Comment unnecessary here. too. Per-
haps international courtesy would require
that it be stated that a traveller can be
quite comfortable in an English hotel. too.
Bat there's such a thing as stretching in
ternational courtesy too far.
Your police, too" sad c. F. Moberly
Bell. seem TO have quite progressed. l
think / perceive future time when your
policemen here in New York will become
as efficient as our London bobby
Tidy little crumb. that, too. Then c. r.
Moberly Bell proceeded to say that,
really. don't you know. the noise in our
American cities is no worse than the noise
in European cities.
Come again. neghbor and esteemed
contemp. We Americans love to be patted
on the head in the way YOU know how to
pat. and the American newspaper col
umns are always open to you 'uns. q
say you 'uns' because nearly all of the
English folk who read Punch implicitly
believe that all OF us over here habitually
say we uns" and you 'uns.'D
All the same since G. F.. NIoberly Bell
likes 10 say what he thinks he perceives,
ler us humbly nudge forth and state that
We perceive the gradual approach of the
blessed time when Americans won't care
one unhung hang what proW!ing gentle
lnen-and ladies-from the yon side of
the Atlantic say about them. Let us
speed the approach of that rosy and sensi-
BILE period.
HTHEY say that the real ambition of
Mr. "a of
nominated by Tammany for mayor of this
town. is to become the President Of the
United States on the shoulders of a re-
organized democratic party.
Mr.. Gaynor. however. has yet to be
elected mayor of New York.
After he is elected mayor Of New York
if he does get himself so elected-he will
have ample time to reflect if he hasn't
already reflected, that the mayoralty of
New York isn't any such a fine coign of
vantage from which to aspire to the
presidency of the United States. A
mayor of New York has more chances to
get himself disliked during his incum-
bency than the occupant of any other
elective billet in America. 4 mayor Of
New York is just about always between
the devil and the deep sea. He has little
opportunity to satisfy anybody, least of
all himself There are shrewd political
men who say that if Mr. Roosevelt had
won the mayoralty of New Pork at the
time he ran for the job he never would
have scratched Presidents ear. One
sees mayors of New York come and GO,
and one is struck by the fact that when
they 20 they nearly always go in derislOn
and dis;rust. Not infrequently they be-
come curiously embttered men through
holding down New YorkS mayOralty job.
Seth Low for example. certainly never
has regained the affability which was his
most prominent trait before he became
Esw York's mayor. His chuckles. since
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

the plain headstone the uninspirlng cpl
taph HE talked too much
Perhaps when this country, instead OF
selecting it's ambaSsadorfal and minis
terial representatives because they grew
rich selling dry goods or pigs knuckies
and contributed heavily to 1.-The cause,
begins to pick them for fitness success
full performance and established seniority
such things as this won't have a chance
to happen.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

IN the course of couple of weeks the
! House appropriations committee. of
which Representative Tawney of Mime
sofa is chairman will Gull the. best of it's
summer clothes and start for the Isthmus
of Panama Just at present it is rather
doubtful if quorum of the body can be
mustered.
year ago. when Mr.. Tawney an
nounced that the committee would visit
the site of the canal to look things over
before making appropriations. the men,
bers were delighted. Mentally they ut
tered loud cries of joy and began to fig
ure out the seventeen kinds of fun they
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

make another trip to the isthmus have
not been quite so enthusiastic. If the
membership of the committee goes along
with him 1t will be from a sense of in
growing duty. The prospect of having
beautiful junket won't enter into the case
at all.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

suits It was his decision as to what con-
stituted bookma king that permitted the
race tracks around New York even to
keep open their gates. Racing is far from
prosperous around here, but 1T couldn't
have continued even in it's unprosperous
state had it not been for the decidedly
disingenuous decision of Judge Gaynor
with reference to the wagering system
which the layers adopted in order to
evade the law. 1t is maintained, not
without plenty of evidences 'of verify, that
Mr.. Gaynor had large COB Of votes in
his mind when he rendered this queer.
not to say freakish, decision in support of
the bookmakers.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16
THE WRATHFUL PERSON AT HER BANK

the chair 1 had placed as I glanced at
the slip of paper.
I'VE shall dispense with the courte-
sizes. sir. until you have explained to me
the meaning of this-this-outrag eous-
er-this-' and the angry lady, having
got that far. could only gasp, and. really,
I was in state of deadly alarm for
fear that she was going to weep right
here in my Office. which is no place at
all for lady to weep in.
Madam 1 said to her. this seems
to be a simple notifica ton to you to the
effect that you have overdrawn your &C
count here to the trivial amount of
s1ss.5c.'
Trivial" broke out the'lady. I should
say it was trivial! And how dare you.
sir, seek to humiliate and mortify me
by sending me such an-er-such a
wretched, trifling insulting
But. dear lady, l attempted to ex-
plain to her, really. / did not know the
first thing about it-really. I didn't know
the notification had been sent you. And
there isn't the least harm in it, anyhow
slightest attempt in the world has been
made on the part of anybody connected
with this establishment to humiliate or
mortify you. much less insult you,
and
You have given my husband cher
ished opportunity to heap ridicule upon
me. that's what you have done! the lady
broke in upon me- and she was gulping
in such a way that became more afraid
than ever of her imminent tears 1t per-
fectly delights him, as it does all other
men, the horrid creatures. to be able to
taunt a woman with not being able to
keep track of her checks. and hadn't
the least idea in the world. any way. that
my account was overdrawn, because I've
been out of the city for several months
and I'm sure / had no intention in the
world Of swindling anybody, and to get a
thing like this'-once more wildly waving
the routine slip of paper-'by mail, and
of course my husband. sitting at the
breakfast table while 1 opened my mail,
had to see it. and did you think was
going to run away and not pay you your
miserable hundred and seventy dollars
or whatever it is, and
''Well. / can't remember any more OF
what she said in that particular tor
rent of words.
my dear Mrs. So-and-so.' I said to
her as assuagefully as l could, this ls
1t is the simplest matter of detail Banks
always notify people who overdraw their
accounts. Hardly anybody ever over
draws ID bank account purposely. It's
always done unlntentlonaily. or nearly al
ways Many ladies overdraw their &C
counts, and we notify them when they
do Why. it is no uncommon thing for
YOUR husband to ,overdraw his account
with us. and we notify him, too and
"Is that really SOP" the lady broke
in upon me then. Frightening at once.
My husband overdraws his account
here?'
"'Quite frequently. as matter OF
course I assured her. Many men of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

I'D you ever, in a
loIlful moment - on
a rainy afternoon,
say pick up ana
try to read a copy
of t h e L. n d o n
Because, if you
ever did, you then
and there found out
the esoteric mean
ingfulness of the
W or d S pomposity
np6on Times is
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

business do. If remember correctly
the last time your husband overdrew his
account with us the amount of the over
draw was something above $1,000
and
We'll the lady looked quite delighted
by this time. In fact. she was smiling
1t was one of those metallic, triumphant
smiles.
well. the very idea of his chatting
me. them, she broke in because I over
drew my account just this tiny little bit!
Maybe I won't tell him about it the very
minute he gets home this evening! May
be I won't!
81 am afraid he won't thank me for
telling you. l said to the lady. who was
no longer SO very angry. but. as | say.
1t is, a common occurrence. He always
makes up his overdraw Immediately.
He
oh. don't worry. sir-I shall make
up, my overdraw Immediately. too. the
checks with me that will make up the
overdraw ten times over. but / was so
indignant over having been called to ac-
count, called to task. I might say, in such
way-why. 1t almost seemed like q
summons to COURT
The lady deposited her checks and
went away appeased. / had her hus-
band on the phone two minutes after she
le1t ana explained the thing to him. and
why / had told her that he himself had
occasionally overdrawn his account He
laughed over 1t and understood all right.
Amt women the wonders at the bank
ing business?' he said to me over the
phone.
And he just about expressed the mat
ter-women. some women, certainly have
a weird and wonderful idea as to the
banking business. Take the matter OF
overdrawing. / should estimate that nine
women out Of ten become indig-
nant-not quite so indignant as the one
I've been speaking of. but Indignant
when they're notified for the first time
by their banks that they've overdrawn.
They feel like making fuss about it.
Very many of them do make a fuss
about it.
Their first thought is that they haven't
overdrawn, SO there now! They don't
believe any such a thing that they've
overdrawn. and they are positive. perfect
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-10-16

session will be full of personalities clut-
tered up with cliques. obsessed by con-
stantly changing combinations. If big
legislation comes up there's no telling
just how strong the organization will be
and how good grip nit will have on
the steering wheel. II nothing OF great
Importance Is considered the atmosphere
will be full of unpleasantness. but moth
ing more serious.
Anyhow. the progress OF the session
will be well worth watching-and hear
ing.