Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-02-18
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag
II Was Big Surprise to All Present

night crowd, when Sam Stiles saun
tered in with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello, Sam" cried the proprietor
in a glad hand voice. "Hows things
down your way? BY Their way, Sam
What was goin' on at Their church fair
Thursday night? hear as how Deacon
Foster got all excited like an said tibet
while prayin was all right there was
times when it wouldn't fill Their bill
like good ole cussn %
He was goin' some answered Sam
with reflective smile, and fer a
While everybody was kind O feared
tibet he would bust Their harness or
dish wheel. Ye see Their deacon is
full O schemes fer collectin' money
fer ther church, an when it was kind
o noised around the he was goin' ter
spring somethin' new at Their fair
everybody hiked fer Their town hall
Purity soon ther deacon come in
with his new scheme, which looked
for all the world like a two-bushel
bag O. pertaters, an after Their par
son had made few remarks fer ther
benefit o their sinners what was still
holdin' back, Their deacon stepped up
on Their platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters
said he in his boss tradin' voice. 4
hev arranged somethin' new fer your
edification an pleasure an | hev every
reason ter believe thet it will be ther
sensation O. Their evening. In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack.
ages, an fer Their small sum O. five
cents We will be permitted ter grab
any one We like, which O. course must
be opened in full view o Their audi.
ence. All Their packages is useful as
we'll as ornamental, an some O. them
will make ye feel like claspin' hands
an singin songs O. praise. Now then,
who will be the first to take a pack
age from Their grab bag?
"All hands kind O. baked bashful-
like fer a while, but purity son 81
Gimp was coaXed ter start Their game,
and from Their gingerly way thet he
picked out one O. Their packages We
might hev thought he was monkeyin'
with hornets nest. ST wouldn't open
it. an Mandy, thinkin' tibet it might
be candy, got on Their job herself In
Jes' two seconds she had Their paper
tore off, an instead O candy she found
she had nursin' bottle like mother
used ter use. First she blushed,
then she turned red, and then she
blushed again.
In Their meantime Their Ladies' aid
acted as ii they was shocked, an Their
parson glanced at Their deacon an said
he was surprised. Their deacon said
he was surprised, too, an offered a
pan o scrapple when he killed hogs
to anyone who would tell him how
Their nursin' bottle got inter the bag.
Nobody made bid fer Their pan o.
scrapple an when Their deacon had
argued himself inter good standin'
agin an Mandy found she wasn't half
as mad as she thought she was, the
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up five cents an made grab, an
so did one o Their Ladies aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three O them started
ter open Their packages at the same
time, an when Their returns was count
ed Their parson had a half pint O.
whisky, Their Ladies aid sister had a
deck o. cards, an Dave Sleeper had a
lot o poker chips.
Well, sir We jes oughter seen thet
crowd. Their nursin' bottle was bad
enough, but half pints an poker was
exceedin' Their speed limit an Their
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw 10-horse power faint on five
pounds o steam was a sight ter see,
even if We had ter take a knothole in
Their fence instead O Their grandstand
Them tibet wasn't tryin' ter faint was
maxim noise tibet sounded like big
talk. One o them was marchin'
around like George Washington, an
other was smellin o. Their parsons
half pint ter see if it was Their real
stuff, an still another was tellin' ner
husband what she would do ter the
deacon's face if she was a man.
AS soon as he was able to move
without help Their parson made an
other dive fer Their grab bag without
putin up Their nickel an out come
more chips, more cards an another
half pint or two. Then the parson
had few things ter say tibet didr't
include Their DoNology or Benediction.
an told the deacon in plain words
tibet he was a bum citizen to talk
about savin' sinners This made Their
deacon as hot as the middle of Au-
gust
He declared thet what he put in tibet
bag was Testaments, candy, an that
some dod-biasted heather tibet he was
goin' to wallup first an forgive after
ward had played a joke on him. With
his coat off an sleeves rolled up. Their
deacon Was so convincin' thet Their
parson and Ladies aid believed what
he told them, an jes' as soon as he
had been taken back inter Their fold
an called dear brother agin'. he nick
ed UP fence slat and started Ter
look fer ther feller what nIaya6 +ba,