The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-11
Z[XUT UZ you readin' about that N/ there latest divorce soot in
 w high lifeY, asked the House

S<W/ oz you readln about that
 A there latest divorce soot in
 w high life?' asked the House Detective of the St. Reckless.
 "Of course," said the Hotel Clerk, lev erybody in my sets been reading all the horrible and disgusting details and en- toying them, something wonderful. don't know of a more popular form of summer reading matter among the poor than a nice circumstantial account of truly nauseating scandal among the rich. Should old Mrs. Mulligan, up Rag Alley, look too much upon the ale when it's mixed and disrupt the household, her husband, MT. M. J. Mulligan, the popular and well known retired ,scow- trimmer, either restores peace on the spot by the simple expedient of fighting for it, or else some of the neighbors run for the cop and the paper gives old Mrs. Mulligan six lines in Casual Jottings About Town and the judge gives her six months In the workhouse But there's no divorce. Why should there be, as long as MT. Mulilgan, her husband, has q good right arm and a tongue left in his head? And why should we, being of the lower orders, read about hl price of crock of mixed suds himself But if the preliminary training was done on vitage champagne in one of those stone Newport cottages about the size or a county court house and if 1t develops during the trial that the lady was in the habit of bouncing priceless articles or virtue off the esteemed dome of the man that she swore to love. honor, and obey, with the fingers crossed we just eat it alive. I buy every edition myself to see if it's come out yet about the trusted family butler looking through the key hole and seeing his mistress mixing the morning supply of brandy and soda in an Italian umbrella vase; or if the conf1den- tial maids gone on the stand to tell about tracing her master across the bridge and catching him in the act of leading one of those semi-detached Brooklyn two- family lives Far be it from me, or any body in my circle of society to overlook any of the fascinating particulars Of the deplorable details.
 ''If a cockroach could read, dye think, Larry, that he'd read about other cock reaches? He would not. He'd read of the domestic affairs of the ostrich and the eagle. Human nature is just the same with us as it is with cockroach, maybe more so, for. all know. Let us picture the scene:
 '"rired and weary after his days work in the hotel kitchen, Henry J. Cookroach comes home to his simple tenement on the third floor and dressed for the even ing by removing his top shirt and shoes and putting his feet on the fire escape. What have you tonight, woman, In the way of eats? says he to his wife, the nal haa md raf Q Q she Fine says he. Afterward I'll chase down to the corner with a pop bottle and get a nickers worth of light beer for dessert. It looks like big night tonight says he And then he sits down In the window, in the gloaming, in the under shirt and reads all about the dlvorce case of the Reginald Emus of Fifth ay- enue, Newport and Part Five, Special Trial Term, out loud to Mfssis Roach while she's setting the table for supper He's liable to read the whole thing all the way through before he even turns over to see if the Joints won the game. Iris great stuff,' says Henry J. It says here that the beauteous chatelaine Of Castle Emu used to order for breakfast two quarts of wine, yard or assorted cocktails, a caviar sandwich and a dash hund, to be sure,' says her husband, he being somewhat of wag, like most cock reaches. And for dinner now what dld she have? asks his wife. The same or der says Henry J.., only doubled. 1t must be grand diet says he, and filling too You'd be full all the time,' says he. No need of any of that Fletcherizing, slow chewing stuff, there,' he says. You eould relish that meal if you didn't have n tooth in your head. They'd have to cut my throat to keep me from enjoying such line of nourishment and even then I might find a rubber tube some where, says he, and beat the game But just for that says Henry J., just for that and nothing else, except few long ones maybe, between meals and before meals and after meals, the husband must go and accuse the lady of drinking. He must be one of those suspicious guys says he. And what does the wife charge? inquiries Mssis Roach. Incom- patibility,' says he. It seems the heart less wretch consistently refused to wear neckties that would match the scrambled eggs she used to throw at him in the rose-flled breakfast room of the stately castle. And also cruelty says he. The family physician was on the stand in her behalf today. He testified that he found the patient suffering from injuries such as had undoubtedly been produced by dull, blunt instrument I'll bet her hus- band had been putting her with his head said Missis Roach You must have been looking at his picture says Henry J. She plso charges lack of support, says he. It's been brought out In the evidence that ne deprived her of the bare necessities of life something nerce,' says he, reading on. She only had ten to twelve thousand a month in the best years, and toward the last he cut this meager sum down to beggarly five. What dye know about that?' says he. The stingy thing says Missis Roach. Speaking of money says she, what did you get in your envelope tonght? Fourteen seventy-f1ve count Ing the overtime. says Henry J. Well, come to dinner says she, and we'll read the rest of 1t afterward if I can find a bit of kerosene around the flat for the tamp
 "At that, Larry, Henry J. Cockroach and his wife, Maggie, have nothing on me. or on you, either, have they? We like to hear about the domestic affairs of the Reggie Emus ourselves. It's none of our business so naturally we enjoy it fne And it certainly makes seasonable reading for hot weather, being full of nFAFklTQQ n1l0fn