davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Varieties of iumor.

The Temple of Art, devoted to that
peculiar form of entertainment yclept
polite vaudeville" was crowded to
suffocatlon as Messrs. BIZ and Bang.
the refined sketch team and sidewalk
conversationalists, stepped jauntily to
the footlights. In response to the deaf.
ening applause Messrs. Biff and Bang
bowed condescendingly, as though it
hurt them.
Without further preliminary Mr..
Biff hit his partner on the rear Of his
ample trousers with stuffed club,
remarking, IT'S wise man that
knows his own mind"
And Mr.. Bang, not to be outdone In
this little exchange OF pleasa ntries,
promptly buried an ak In the skull of
Mr.. BID, remarklng the while, Its a
wise man that minds his own nose"
Whereupon the Intelligent audience
screamed with delight and voted Bin
and Bang the best ever. "And yet
they We're frost In the London
halls" commented "a man In the front
row. The English have no apprecia.
tlon of real humor." - Philadelphia
Ledger.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Inhalinn Watar.

Undoubtedly the majority of bathers
who are drowned meet their deaths
from cramp. Cramp is liable TO seize
anybody at any moment. and when IL
comes In deep water few swimmers
have sufficient. presence OF mind to
turn on their backs and wait quietly
until the attack has departed. SO they
go under. But there is another danger
quite as imminent as cramp. though 1t
Is probably less known. This Is wa
ter inhaling. A swimmer or even a
wader Is always liable to inhale spray
through his nostrils, which. passing
through the pharynx and behind the
epiglottis or windpipe guard, gets into
the windpipe and causes death, AS
one would expect, water inhaling is
almost wholly confined to the sea and
very rarely occurs in fresh water. All
the same, It may happen any where, =
Exchange. -
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
WATER SPLASHERS.
A Swedish View Of English Life and
Manners.


Manners.
A sharp tongued correspondent of
Swedish paper, the Syenska Dag
bladet, thus comments ON some of the
peculiarities of English life and man
ners.
English cleanliness Is much spoken
Of. The Englishman must have a
great deal of water to wash with. A
quantity must be splashed all over the
room, and In particular there must be
great pool near the washstand
When an Englishman washes his face,
In seventy eight cases out of hun
dred he simply takes the water in his
hands and blows ii all over the floor.
Englishmens are mad over fresh air.
The expression may seem ironical to
those who know how In London one
does not so much breathe the air as
swallow It, Tramway car windows
stand open the whole year round, and
there Is no country like England for
the prosperity of dealers In cough and
cold medicines.
Hygiene may appear to be perfect
In London, but they still say that
much remains to be done. Splitting is
not allowed In the parks. at least not
near the seat. ! have found that one
of the cheapest and best places for
splitting Is the British museum, where
1t costs only $40. On the Great East
ern railway 1t does not cost more the
first time. but afterward the price Is
$50 time, in direct opposition to the
usual business principles of discount.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
THE AFRICAN MARKET.
Prices That Wild Animals Bring In
the Interior.


Prices That Wild Animals Bring In
the interior.
The prices of wild animals naturally
fluctuate with the demand. An eX-
cessiye supply of rhinoceroses would
soon reduce the market value. Five for
sale at any time in the world would
glut the market for one cannot sell a
rhinoceros every day. The mante-
nance of wild animals Is costly aud
they soon eat their value in food, SO
that every day they are on the hunt
er's or the dealers hands he is losing
money.
After the animals are captured they
have TO be transported TO the coast.
This adds greatly to the cost Deliy-
cred at Nairobi or Fort Florence,
which are inland and practically on
the African hunting field, n baby
rhlnoceros of the prehensile Tipped
species will bring from 1915 TO $500, u
giraffe from $3.50 to $500 and baby
hippopotamus from $3.50 to $3.50
Glands and most of the large antelope
from Sl2J to $500, elephants from 1910
to $S75, lions and leopards, with the
exception Of the black species OF the
latter, from 500 10 Si25, according to
size and condition. The gorilla and
the square mu2zled (Or so called white)
rhinoceros can be sold at auction by
telegraph. Their value might run
from $1,000 to $4,000, according to
the bidding -Hampton's Magazine.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
HOUSES IN Fez.
The Roofs In the EARLY Evening Are
Exclusively For Woman.


In Fee, the capital of Morocco, most
Of the houses consist Of several stories,
each being provided with light ve-
randa running round 1t and connecting
the rooms. All the windows and doors
open out into the patio or courtyard,
the window openings in the upper sto-
rles being covered with close trellis-
work. All the houses have fiat roofs.
with a wall some four to six feet high
running around, and from A p. m. until
sunset the roofs are given over to the
ladies' exclusively, who can then walk
about and take the fresh air without
being seen by any Of the opposite sex
This reservation is q law which is
never broken, and no man would be
guilty of being seen on his or on any
other roof during the forbidden hours
| Owing to the fact that the women of
the house are not allowed to be seen
| by any other man than their lord and
master all domestic offices are situated
away from the house proper. In many
of the larger houses, besides the water
fountains, others playing scent or
scented water are to be found. Sec
tlons of the courtyard also are slightly
sunk, and these portions are filed with
scented oil, which Is used to perfume
the rooms. The Moors are exception
ally particular in discarding their foot
gear before entering room or cross
ing a rug or carpet. They even change
slippers before entering the courtyard
from the street. Thus the houses are
kept beautifully clean and sweet and
are not, as many people would suppose,
| mIlstY or close
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Doinq q Mans Work.

The Widow Skinner has been twice
bereaved, and she was telling me about
her two husbands over cup Of ten.
y "Boggs was the flrst." she said
lreamlly. "a ornery hound wot usued
TO git drunk aud come home and lam
baste me. all over the place. ArteI
Boggs died | married Skinner. He
was a good for nothin, ornery crltteI
wot 'ud turn up full. and I'd lam hin
TIL he couldn't see."'
She chuckled with quiet amusement
"Well." said listener, "the last was
better than the trst. at least"
But the widow shook her head.
"No, want" she said. I'D kinder
got used TO Boggs' little ways, and II
Skinner's case | never cottoned to thu
Idea of doin' mans work about til,
house, Exchange.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
G. +. BURRIS,
Jeweler & Optician.
212 West Center.
He Got the Chair.

On a very hot afternoon number
Of around town chaps who didn't seem
to have much to do were lounging In
the chairs ln front of leading hotel.
Several travelling men came out Of the
hotel and, finding all of the chairs
occupied, looked aud spoke things that
wouldn't go well in polite society.
Lets dump a few of them out"
suggested one.
Hold on a minute" replied another
"Watch me get a chair" With that
he walked over to one of the loungers
and IN the most courteous way said
"Will you please tell me whether that
is a drug store across the street?"
mo-" replied the lounger; that's a
bank"
ooh, is it2 Well say. what is that
nice big building just down the street
there, two corners away|
That's the postoffice," was the re.
ply.
"You live in this charming city,
thenY' asked the drummer.
81 do" said the lounger.
"Well, then" replied the travelling
man, Pm a guest at this hotel aud
paying for accommodations Suppose
you get mp and give me that chair"
He got the chair.-Kansas City Jour
nal 't
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
A word to the wise is not only suf
flcient; It Is altogether too much.-Life
A Cheerful letter.

The following vas sent by country.
man to his son In college not many
years ago:
My Dear Son-I write to send you two
pair OF old breeches, that you may have
new coat made OF them; also some new
socks. which your mother knit by cutting
down come of mine Your mother sends
you SO without my knowledge. and for fear
you will not spend 1t wisely | have kept
back half and only send five. Your moth
er and are well, except your sister An
nie has got the measles. which we think
would spread among other girls II Tom
had not had them before, and he is the
only one left. | hope you are well and
Will do honor to my teachings. II you
do not you are an ass, and your mother
and myself are your affectionate parents
Nantucket Inquirer and Mirror.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
OUR MILlI0NAlRES.
American Money Kings From Ger
man Point Of View.

American Money Kings From q Ger
man Point Of View.
In a satirical article entitled "The
Natural History of American Million
aires" a writer In the Berlner Tage-
blatt says: "They all came to New
York, Chicago or Philadelphia with
one shirt and with one cent In the
pocket of the only other garment. All
served as bootblacks, errand boys or
even In more humble positions and I'm
the second week had saved enough
to buy waistcoat. After one month
they appeared before their respective
employers clad In new clothes and
dence that the organization of their
business was. defective and required
Reorganization. A year later the boy
has become partner, In two years lie
has outstrlpped the former boss In
wealth, and year later he has grown
Of other days. All American million.
aires arise at 3 in the morning, eat
and drink almost nothing, cease their
work at midnight and allow only those
TO live whom they think are good
enough to invite. Every dollar king
founds a university, an opera, mu-
scum or picture gallery. Life be-
comes a burden to them when there
are no more competitors In their
branch worthy Of destruction. Then
they lie down and die of ennui."
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Babies Bank Accounts.

In Schoenberg, suburb of Berlin,
every baby is born with banking ac-
count. No Schoenberg baby can help
this even IL II wants 10. The munich
pal regulations provide that whenever
the birth of child Is recorded the
officials Of the municipal savings bank
Shall issue bank book in the said
baby's name. The city itself then de-
poslts mark about 20 cents) and
Immediately allows interest With
this nest egg the authorities believe
that. the parents of the child will be
encouraged in thrift and that the baby
itself will have fair start on the
road to wealth. No Withdrawals are
allowed in less than two years, and
the ordinance applies to all children,
whether they are members of poor
families or descended from million
aires.
Babies are popular in Schoenberg.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Little Willie Knew.

Little Willie, the son OF German.
town woman, was playing one day
with the girl next door when the latter
exclaimed:
Don't you hear your mother calling
you2 That's three times she's done so.
Aren't you going inf'
"Not yet" responded Willie imper-
turbably.
won't she whip your" demanded
the little girl. awed.
"Naw" exclaimed Willie In disgust
"She amt goin to whip nobody! She's
got company. SO, when | go in, she'll
just say, The poor little man has been
so deaf since he's had the measlesP -
LippincOtts.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
polphin and Elyina Fish.

A ship was lying ut anchor at Boca
Grande, says the Punta Gorda Herald,
lately when the crew observed a dol
phin chasing n flying fish, both coming
directly toward the ship. On nearing
the vessel the tiier arose in the air
and passed over the bow just abaft
the foremast. AS IL did so the dolphin
went under the ship and, coming up
ON the other side. sprang from the
water ana caught the flying fish on
1.-The fly" just as it was curving grace
fully down in its descent to the water
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Almost Heavenly.

'N.'That is Saturn you see now," ex-
plains the astronomer. while the visitor
to the observatory peers through the
telescope at the mysterious orb with
its rings and with Its moons showing
as little points of light.
tits away of, isn't IT." asks the
visitor.
"Oh, yes Saturn Is so far off that
1t requires thirty of our years to make
the circuit around the sun"
"Thirty years"
/ Eyes"
"My! Saturn must be pretty close to
,hGayen."
II couldn't say as to that"
Nj should call 1t almost heavenly not
td\have to buy spring dresses and hats
for my wife aud daughters not more
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
LEGALLY a CORPSE.
Therefore Hs Could Not Possibly Have
Been Murdered.

Been Murderou.
II was the custom In the good old
days IN Great Britain and Ireland TO
hang condemned men for half an hour
and then hand them over to their
friends. A man named Mahoney was
hanged IN this way. At the end Of
half an hour his body was given to
his friends. who put him IN coffin
they had brought with them and gal
loped off with him on cart. But be-
fore they were out of sight of the
gallows authorities the corpse in the
exuberance of his JOY sat up in the
coffin and shouted, "Hooroo" A pal"
terrified lest this exhibition of vitality
should cause the executioner 10 come
after them. hit the hanged man play
fully OH the head with his stick, re-
marking. "Kape quiet, ye spalpeen."
The silencing was so effectunl that the
victim of II never woke again, but was
well and truly "waked" that same
evening.
There was no doubt that the blow
on the head killed him. The facts
came 90 the knowledge OF the author
tiles, and Il Justice was appealed to for
a warrant for the culprits arrest on a
charge of murder, but the justice re-
fused It, explaining that as the man
was dead. having been hanged for half
an hour and given up to his friends
legally corpse, 1t was impossible
that he could have been murdered
London Tit-Blts.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
The Lost Donkey,

Tn Turkey they tell stories about
Nasr-ed Din and his donkey. Once upon
n time when the donkey was lost Nasr-
ed-Din went about seeking 1t. at the
same time giving thanks as he went.
"Why do you give thanksY" asked
his friend. 81 see no cause for thank
fulness."
"Cause enough" was the prompt re-
ply. "Why. man alive, II had been
along with that donkey I'd have been
lost toow-New York Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Fully Appreeiated,

Raymond. aged five. returned from
Sunday school in a state Of evident
excitement He strutted around the
room as If about to burst with impor-
tance. The sympathetic eye Of his
mother was not slow to observe this.
whats the matter, Raymondr she
asked.
"Oh, mother" exclaimed the small
boy. his eyes sparkling, the superin-
tendent said something awful nice
about me in his prayer this morning"
"What did he sayT"
"He said, 20 Lord. we thank thee
for food aud Raymond Woman's
Home Companion.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
DiDlomacy,

Sunday passed, Tuesday rolled
around, aud still his tall form did not
loom in the vestbule when the cuckoo
clock was sounding &. Thursday he
came, and the beautiful girl was burn.
ing with wrath.
80 this Is the way you neglect me!"
she hissed. "What have you to say
for yourself? Why didn't you come"
II couldn't" fatered the young man.
81 had the dyspepsia, and the doctor
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
uan For thn Anchor.

"Captan," remarked the nuisance
on shipboard who always asks foolish
questions, "what is the object In
throwing the anchor overboardT
"Young man." replied the old salt,
"do you understand the theory OF
seismic disturbances? Well, we throw
the anchor overheard to keep the
ocean from slipping away IN the fog"
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Fooled His Doctor.

The late Rev. ii. X. Haweis, who
was equally notable as preacher, jour
nalist, lecturer and musician. suffered
from a dangerous. hip disease when a
boy OF nine. The celebrated Sir Ben
jamin Brodie, who was asked II a
change Of scene would benefit the af,
ficted youth, answered. Take him
anywhere-it does not matter"
Haweis lived to laugh at his doctor
and half century later, after life of
exceptional industry, he was in vigor
GUS health.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25

Walking lelsurely around the Egyp-
tian sphinx. the traveller from Amerl
ca inspected 1t from all points Of view.
"It's shame" he exclaimed, "to
leave the thing in that shape. If
had II out in Chicago i could clap a
good cement nose on that face so quick
1t would make its head swim"-Chlca,
go Tribune.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
a Stronu Guarantee.

"Are you sure these eggs are fresh p
asked the woman, eying them suspi-
clously.
"Yes, maam," replied the grocer,
with emphasis. 81 guarantee those
eggs. II any of them aren't good III
make 'em good!'- Lippincott's.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Wise Poets.

"Do poets ever write poems In their
letters to their sweetheartsT asked
the sweet young thing.
mo-" replied the near famous bard
"We'ye got more sense than to queer
the game In that manner Milwaukee
Journal.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Badly Exnressad

"For heavens sake, be careful with
that rifle, man! exclaimed musketry
Instructor. you just missed me that
time"
did /, sergeant? I'm awfully sorry"
responded the Indifferent marksman.-
London Fun.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Nothina TO Offer.

"Have you" asked the judge of a re-
Gently convicted man. anything TO of
fer the court before sentence Is pass
ed?"
"No, your honor" replied the prison
er. "My lawyer took my last farthlng."
London Mail.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
If Only.

Miss Enpec engaged to Tommy
When you proposed TO me you said
that II | would only say the right
word you would be the happiest man
In the world.
Tommy Yah! If you had only said III
Illustrated Bits
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
nnrisen mo NOT 10 come /.

"What--the doctor told you not to
come to see me because you had the
dyspepsar'
"Wel. he told me TO keep away from
all sweets"
The next moment she had him sent
ed on the parlor sofa, telling him he
was the incest young man in the world
London Express.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25

William II. Reynolds, millionaire
Of Brooklyn, has gone to Europe with
a party Of friends, and taken with him
negro quartet for his entertainment
NJ sea aal while touring the conti-
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
OH

slow did you act when he pro
posed;"
81 sank gracefully on one knee"
"How ridiculous. What In the world
did you sink on your knee for?"
"On his knee, not mine."-Houston
Post
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
Good Hduice

He-But | tell you what It is. Maud,
If your father Is at all unreasonable |
shall put my back to the wall and
She-Keep Il thew. TEGt aSuld be the
safest position.-K Kansas City Journal.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
rhan once I'M thirty wears. .

than once in thirty years"
For fear the visitor would have
something to say about the summer
engagements on Saturn being respon-
slble for the rings, the astronomer
quickly pointed the telescope toward
Jupiter Chicago Post.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25

To reetoye itA fs~ycanc,. Of baskets
made from sweet scented grass after
they have apparently lost 1t, plunge
them into boiling water, removing
them almost Instantly.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
PeriIous.

"Were you ever in a railroad disas-
ter?"
"Yes-I once kissed the wrong girl
while going through tunnel"--Cleve.
land Leader.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25

There Is paradox In pride--it makes
some men ridiculous. but prevents
others from becomlng so.-colton.
The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-08-25
DUR WATCH SALES

are extremely large and
our stock the most com
plete. We arc giving
good values in watches.
When buying a watch
it is not the most Inferior
one You are looking f'r,
but the best watch for the
money that you arc going
to put into it. We always
have just that kind from
the best medium grades
to the highest grades.
Call and see our line.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-09-21
MANY SPENT
NIGHT At THE
POLICE STATION
RESIDENTS NEAR SHORE LINE
WHO HAD EXPERIENCED MUCH
SUFFERING AND HAD MARIO ~
ESCAPES IN LAST STORM,
BEGGED SHELTER AT POLICE
HEADQUARTERS

HuddIed in a group on the second
floor of the police station, and fright
ened almost to a verge Of insanity, a
number of people who reside near the
bay line spent the night in security at
police headquarters and actually de-
serted their homes, leaving doors and
windows open in some cases. Some
of them were shaking with fright and
almost begged permission to remain
underneath the roof OF the building.
None requested beTding, simply de-
string that they be given protection.
Some sat on the stairway, expressing
contenrment and a desire to be left
alone. Luckily there was held a num-
Der Of clean blankets at the station
and these were quickly brought forth
and rendered the distressed ones.
They were accepted with thanks. L
have not slept since Saturday night
and don't expect to sleep tonight, but
it is a comfort and a Gcdsend TO be
safe on such a night" said one old
lady who carried pinned IN her
skirts leather bag said to have con-
tanned much money and JewelTy-
One woman whose husband was 4
fisherman, brought her several chill
dren to the station and begged per
mission to stay all night. Another
frail and frightened woman appeared
early 1T looks just like that other
storm and know can't live through
il if I stay at home That is why 1
came here"
Turnkey Roach and Desk Sergeant
Daily received and cared for all needy
ones, supplying them with blankets
and under orders giving them permits
sion to make the best of it on tie
second floor Benches and chairs
= = 81
able.
People all along the shore line who
had experience with the storm Of
three years ago left their homes and
spent the night with friends and reIa-
tives in the high lands of the city.