Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-08-20
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well executed.
why are you SO enthusiastic about
pedestrianism Because can't af-
ford an uto."-Pittsburg Post.
What happens when mans tenn
perature goes down as far as it can
go?" HE has cold feet, ma'am."
Bride-Here is a telegram from
papa. Bridegroom eagerly What
does he say? Bride (reads)-Do not
return and all will be forgiven.
First Office Boy-De boss grand
mudder died last night. Second Office
Boy-Gee! l wonder if he's goin' to de
ball Philadelphia Record.
Mrs. Knicker-Do you let Bridget
eat with the family Mrs. Booker
Yes; it's much cheaper than to have
her eat with the policeman.-Puck.
II see Robinson's married again
married his first wife's sister," yes.
He said he didn't want to have to
break in another mother-in-law."-
Judge.
He-Congress will never be COM
posed of women. She-Why do you
think so? He-Can you imagine a
house full of women with only one
speaker Judge.
DR.. Pillem-You needn't worry about
your wife. She has remarkable con.
stitution. Henpex-Say, doc. you
ought to see her bylaws, rules and
regulations.-Life
Il see that young Noodle and Miss
Sharp have made match of it. He's
got no head at all, but she's clever
girl" "Well, you can't expect match
to have two heads to it."
Mistress-Well, Bridget, do you
want to leave or stay? Cook-Don't
thry to boss me. Faith, l dunno. If
yez want me to shtay, I'll lave, an IL
yez want me to lave, I'll shtay!
A tall man applied for a position as
overseer. What do you know" he
was asked. Il don't know anything"
he replied. "but I'm tall enough to
look over all the men you've got"
Teacher-Jimmie, suppose you had
ten apples and ten oranges, and gave
nine-tenths Of them to some other lit.
tie boys. what would you have? Jim.
mie-Pd have me head examined!
Little boy, don't you know that
you shouldn't go fishing on Sunday?"
Sure l know it, but you see the fish
amt been educated up to keeping the
Sabbath et."-Detroit Free Press.
my lazy son has at last decided on
a profession that he thinks he'll like"
Good. What has he chosen?" HE
wants to be lineman for a wire
less telegraph company. y."-Clevelan
Leader
And you wouldn't begin a journey
on Friday?" you bet | wouldn't"
Il can't understand how you can have
any faith in such silly superstition"
No superstition about it. Saturdays
payday"
"Yes" said Mr.. Dustin Stax, ''I have
succeeded in life, and by the hardest
kind of work" You don't look as If
you had much personal experience with
hard work" "Of course not. hired
1t done"-Washington Star.
The guest glanced up and down the
bill of fare without enthusiasm. "Oh.
WE'LL" he decided finally, you may
bring me dozen fried oysters" The
colored waiter became all apologies.
Abs very sorry, sab, but we's out OBJ
all shellfish 'ceptin' aigs."-Every.
bodys.
Was there ever better example of
the witty and concise form of express
sion than the answer of the grim man
who, when asked about the character
of a neighbor, sententiously replied:
Mister, don't know very much about
him, but my impression Is, he'd make
a first-class stranger"
Il declare" says the young house
wife. Il don't know what we are to
do, when round steak costs as much
as porterhouse. 1t is outrageous"
Yes, num-" agrees the marketman.
What's body going to do If this
keeps on?" 81 would advise Won.
mum, that bein' the case, to eat porter.
house. Life.
Young Wife (rather nervously)-Oh.
cook, | must really speak to you. Your
master Is always complaining. One day
1t is the soup, the second day it is the
hsh, the third day 1t is the joint-in
fact, 1t is always something or other.
Cook with feeling)-Well, mum, Pm
sorry for you. 1t must be quite lawful
to live with gentleman Of that sort
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mr.. Youngmarrie Casting
makes the oyster stew SO thick and
sweet, dear? Mrs. Younpmarrie-J