davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
A Cheerful Letter.

The following was sent by country
man to his son In college not many
years ago:
Ny Dear Son-I write to send you two
pair Of old breeches. that you may have
a new coat made OF them: also some new
socks. which your mother knit by cutting
down some Of mine. Your mother sends
you so without my knowledge. and for fear
you will not spend II wisely ] have kept
back half and only send fve. Your moth
or and / are well. except your sister An
ME has got the measles. which We tbink
would spread among other girls IL Tom
had not had them before. and he Is the
only one left. | hope you are well and
will do honor TO my teachings. IL you
do not you are an ass and your mother
and myself are your affectionate parents.
Nantucket Inquirer and Mirror.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Zeke Waa Rloht.

A farmer employed n boy 10 guard
his strawberry patch from birds The
berries-fancy fruit As big as peac he's
kept disappearing. and the man sus-
pectNd the boy OF eating them. So
one morning he came down 10 the
patch. looked It over and then said:
IL know you don't touch these berries.
my lad. but Zeke says you do. To
day I'll test you-just TO convince
Zeke."
He took out nttle lump Of chalk
and pretended 10 chalk the boys lips
but really It was only his finger that
he rubbed over them. Now" he said.
when I come down here this after.
noon Wen see who's right about you
Zeke or l."
And with pretended carelessness he
tossed the chalk on to the ground. On
his return. some hours later. II was
plain who was right. The boys lips
were cbaIked with a white. stiff layer
half an inch thick. Los Angeles Times
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Exception to the Rule.

~ have n boy In my school Of whom
l am very fond" said a New York
teacher smilingly. "but fear to think
what his future may be-"
Indeed? Does he eyInce-er-crlm.
inal tendencies?" some grave person
who had missed the smile inquired.
well, / am afraid he may become u
writer for funny papers" the teacher
suggested tentatively. You see. /
was having a history review one day
and l asked this boy who was Peter
the Great. He answered. A car of
Russia"
"And was there more than one Peter
the Create" | asked.
"He appeared TO ponder for mo-
ment and then replied. No. Miss Mary.
that was a case In which history didn'i
re-Pete itself. Judge.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Settled tho Duel.

Lord March. afterward the Marquis
Of Queensberry, was not accustomed
TO view q duel with unbecoming ap-
prehension and usually attended an
affair with m air Of enjoyment that
often was decidedly displeasing and
embarrassing to his adversary. But
be was served at last with that sauce
which the proverb explains Is for the
gander as well as for the goose. II
was when be was challenged to fight
an Irish sportsman. Lord March ap-
peared on the ground accompanied by
q second. surgeon and other witnesses.
His opponent arrived soon afterward
with a similar retlnue. but added to
by a person who staggered under the
weight of a polished oak coffin, which
he deposited on the ground, end up.
with its lid facing Lord March and his
party. Lord March became decidedly
uncomfortable when he read the In
scription plate, engraved with his own
name and title and the date and year
Of death, and peace was patched up.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Two Wavs Of Tellino IL.

Once upon time Persian king IN
his sleep dreamed that all Of his teeth
fell out before him. one by one. He
summoned II sOothsayer and asked him
to interpret the dream.
The soothsayer said. 20 king, the
meaning of thy dream is that thy
family and relatives shall die In thy
presence. one by one. TIL all are gone
The king was very angry at that
and sent the soothsayer at once to
prison.
Then he sent for another soothsayer
and again asked for an Interpretation
of the dream.
The sOothsayer made answer. 20
king the Interpretation OF thy dream
Is that thy family md relatives shall
die one by one. and thou thyself shalt
outlive them ALL"
With this answer the king showed
approval and commanded that n pres
ent be given to the interpreter and
that he should be sent home with
honor
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Prixate Hospital Guests,

"Hello, old man! Didn't know you
were in New York? Where are you
stopping?'
"Glad to see you. I'm at private
hospital uptown"
"Private hospital! Why, I'm sorry
What's the trouble"
"No trouble at all myself. My sister
went there for an operation, and I'm
staying with her. There are plenty
Of patients there with relatives OF
friends. We pay high prices, of course
but the rooms are light, comfortable
and clean, and we can order anything
on earth we want for meals and get
1t. Things are served to us as though
we were invalids, and there's no kick
coming. I'll tell you that. And we car
have as much company as we wish FOL
meals at n dollar and half head
New York Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Hha EtarnaI Psminlna.

Il would seem that the six-year-oId
daughter Of q Washington ofiicial In al
tunes harassed with doubts touching
his own future conduct Of life.
Father" said she. I'D like to have
your advice about something"
,.weli, daughter" answered the IA
ther. with the solemn air and speech
he affects at such times. upon what
point am I TO be taken into your con'
fideBce? Whatever II may be, prom
ise that shall give II my earnest con-
sideraiIon."
Its this" said the child. when !
get through school. what would you
advise me fo do while I'm waiting to
get married y'-St. Louis Republic.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Radlv Exoreaaed.

"For heavens sake. be careful with
that rifle, manr' exclaimed a musketry
instructor "You just missed me that
time"
Did !. sergeant? I'm nwfuIly sorry"
responded the Indifferent marksman.-
London Fun
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
A Nice Bird.

do you like nice bird!" asked the
host as thev sat down to the table.
"Oh, yes" responded the guest i'm
mediately and enthusiastically.
"You ought to call on my sister" ex'
planned the other. "She's got one OF
the finest canaries you ever saw. Well
what kind Of sandwich do you think
you can eatr'-London Telegraph.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Hi. Air Tioht Commandment.

The passenger who was crossing the
Atlantic for the first time timidly ap-
preached the pompous purser.
Ts 1t true, SIR" he said, that this
whole ship is divided into air tight
compartmentsT
"True as gospel" replied the purser
In surprise.
"Then." remarked the passenger
ploonily, II guess I'll have to put VI
with the one I'm occupying II ] can't
better myselfw
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Suspicious.

The seeing New York automobile
was moving through the financial dis
trict "ThIs is Wall street." announc'
ed the man with the megaphone
Keep your hand on your purse, HI
RAM hoarsely whispered lady from
the open country TO her husband.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
II Quieted Mother.

The house was all paid for. Mother
was exultant. jubilant. reiterative
Say. mother" burst out six-year-olC
Paul eagerly, print 1t on your cards
mother. print 1t on your cards!-De
| lineatOr.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
An Arbitrary Classification.

$50 you think every patriot has a
more or less clearly defined ambition
to hold public officer
EYES," answered Senator Sorghum
"As a rule. patriots may be divided
into two classes the appointed and the
disappointed. ed."-Washingtop Star.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
Sensitive Salmon.

Splendid color. isn't itT' asked
6shmonger as he cut a pound or two
Of salmon for a customer.
Yes" replied the latter, '1ooks as
IL II were blushing at the price you
ask for itr'-London Scraps.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
WANTED

We want, for a customer, q good
productive farm, of from 80 to Is
acres of land, (which is not hilly)
with good dwelling, barn and all other
necessary outbuildings in good con-
dition. Situated from one TO three
miles west of Woodstock. For farm
to suit we will pay cash, il not priced
too high. Apply to
j. N. DAVIS & CO.
Real Estate Agents
Woodstock, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
A Good Ear.

Mrs. Dyer-Have you ever called on
the people In the next apartment?
Mrs. Gossip No; the walls are so
thin that know all about their al
fairy.-Brooklyn Life.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
premonition,

Little willie-Say, pa. what 10 the
meaning of premonition?
pa-Premoiiti0n. my son. Is what
ais people who are afflicted with the
NL4told you so'' habit.-ChicagO News.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
a Pessimist.

"A pessimisi." said the philosopher
Of folly. "is one who. when he has
the choice Of two evils. chooses both
and sticks srcuId 10 wait for more
Clevelsnd LEADER.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
A Sacrifice.

Eat Man--What! Are you going to
4 ,et this small boy shave me? Barber
lief the boy have bis fun for onee
~ as his birthday. sir.-Fliegende Blat-
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
SCHOOLS.
STATE NORMAL SCHOL.
HARRISONBURG, VA.

For the higher education of young
ladies and the professional training of
teachers. Location unsurpassed.
Modern dormitory. Tuition free. Liv-
ing expenses low. First year begins
September 28, 1909. Send for free H.
lustrated announcement to
JULIAN A. BURRUSS, Pres,
May 2-3m Harrisonburg, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20

There is a paradox IN pride-it makes
some men ridiculous. but prevents
others from becoming so.-Colton.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
The Usual Thinq.

whats the proper thing at q wed.
dingT
wish the pair happiness and tell
everybody else there's no earthly
chance for it."-LOuisville Courier
Journal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
FOR SALE.

A good dwelling on North Main
street. twest side) with seven rooms
pantry and good cellar, electric lights
and ns1re mountain water In the house,
nice lot $4,000 n. Price reasonable.
Annly 70 in. DAVIS d CO,
Real: Estate AGENTS,
WoodStpcsk Va
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
IfYou Want to Drive, Come Here

am now running 9 FIRST CLAs
LIVERY in Woodstock with my hotel
can furnish you teams you will en-
10Y driving. Good horses and nice
equipment. NOTHING CHEAP LOOKING
about any outfit which leaves my
stable. Prices reasonable and good
service.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20

The Dunsmore Business College, OF
Staunton, have more applications for
graduates than they can supply.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
20 Years with Coughs

We have had nearly seventy years of experience with
Ayers Cherry Pectoral That makes us have great con-
fdence in it for coughs colds bronchitis weak throat
and weak lungs Ask your doctor what experience
he has had with it. He knows. He Can advise you
wisely. Keep in close touch with your family physician
No alcohol in this cough medicine. Aycr Lowe Mas,
bowels Constped The best laxative
Ask doctor he with Do as ne says
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20
ShenandoahEereId
ADVERTISING RArEs

ADVERTISING RATES
Advertisements will be inserted
at One Dollar per square of ten
lines or less, for the first insertion
and so cents for each subsequent
insertion.
gQuarterly or yearly adver
tisements by contract.
0Unless the number of inser.
lions Is marked upon the manu-.
script, advertisements will be pub.
lished until forbidden and charged
accordingly.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1909-08-20

DR. j. H. SMOOT,

Having located ip Woodstock, car
bc found at his residence on North
Muhlen5urg Street, the late residence
of DR.. j. l.. Campbell, wheE not pro
feSSiOnally engaged.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
VARIOUS VERSES
ON TIMELY TOPICS
THE HOMELESS HUSBAND.

look across the table to her favorits rochins
And it seems almost uncanny not - Sc her
sitting there
with a pair Of baby stockings or little waist
to mend.
end.
Here is her wicker basket. with its needles. taps
and thread.
There Is her household magazine that always
goes Unread
Here her last birthday present. securely iaia
I used to give her diamonds. but scissors do b.
day.
man whose wife is at the shore may propssiy
carouse,
But i remain all evening in the still and empty
house,
And while would not mention It to any one
Tn lonelier one ed than crusoe and I'm feeling mighty
blue.
try to read the paper. hight my friendly
pipe
But smoke clouds bring no comfort and thers's
little balm In type,
And though looked with gladness to this week
OF bachelorhood
I'm surely not enjoying 1t A. I suppose I saoald.
O husbands young who have not known the
lonesome feeling yet.
Be warned in time, pray you. and escape un-
And harken also all 20 wives beside the ocean
foam
To him whose wife is out Of town there's ne
such place az home.
Newark Evening News.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
WHAT The U. c. IS DOING.

The members Of the Congress. they are riding
here and there,
Tho Hydra Headed EVIL That is Threatening tn.
Land
(At goodiy sums per trail per day they work.
But the Ultimate Consumer. he il taxing mind
Eor the 1ust-enacted tariff bnl has put him on
the hustle.
Tho Honorable Gentlemen whose hats are stif
and high,
To smits the Ro6ber-Piutocrat. are taking day
Upon Ohaufauqu. platforms at the standard
But the Ultimate Consumer, he il working like
To get the cash to rscompenss tho Ultimate Re-
The Senator. are resting from their labors for
By rambling OF to Europe. there to slsep and
And now and then tho cable brings . word e
To tell US that though far away their hearts
continue here
The tarir that is good for him has set him
scratching gravel.
The Friends Of all the Pespul. they have rpached
Ana hold the. people .spellbound with their lee
On psi:: S !: Of the Citizen and w,cssdn.- of
with now and then q gentle barb for Bsveridgs
or Taft.
But the Ultimate Consumer. hs h not snGased
in talking,
And IL he travels anywhere he has 10 do It
walking.
The members Of the Congress. they are travelling
about,
And through the great ChautauQua tents We
F. often hear them shout
They wrap Old Glory round their forms and
bravely dare the foe
(Of course they charge as usual for every dare,
you know.
But the Ultimate Consumer. he II helpinI pay
the tariff
And hasn't time to lecture much for dodg1ng
from the sheriff.
W b. Nesbit. in Chicago Evening Post.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
AN old MANS LAMENT.
On the year 2oOo.)

On the year 2000)
Como nearer, child cannot see your eyes
Lo, would look upon your face once more;
Bring lights that will combat the darkensd
skies
And drive the wolf-like shadows from the door.
Last night l caught q brief glimpse Of tho sun,
And then feet OF aeroplanes swept by:
watched them their endless course was run,
And hungered for one last look at the xky.
The rose tree that stood bravsly In the yard;
Grows paIlid in the everlasting gloom;
It cheered our hearts. before Its days were
marred,
But now it nevermore IL known to bloom.
And, child, today, before the morn was sped
By lantern light walked the garden round,
The egg-plants and the beets. my dear. wers
dead;
A shattered airship-that was all found.
Come closer still-that drening. sulle1 roar
That fills the skies grows heavy on my ear;
Bring some old, musty volume-for once more
The tale Of ancient, happy days I'd hear.
Read Of the old-time. piodding. favored race
Z Who walked the earth with unaffrighted eyes,
When man, unhindered. raised q sun-swept face
And viewed with vision clear. the fair blue
skies.
st. Louis Globe Democrat.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
The Vocabulary Of Aviation.

Inventions make words. Language ex-
pands not merely through the adoption
Of words and phrases from ono tongue to
another, but from the growth Of new ne
cessities and new conditions. Each me-
chanical advance and Improvement cre-
ates a fresh vocabulary, whether COM
posed Of actually new words or new COM
binations of old ones
In the old days when the balloon was
tho only method of human levitation
there was but that one word to denote
the appliance. Ballooning was q sport
and a means Of entertainment rare
ly engaged In. q gradually diminish
ing novelty. Men talked hopefully of the
evolution OF the flying machine" They
spoke occasionally of the ''airship's5, as
representing the maximum of humans In
genuity. to be later developed at the3sali-
max Of this wonderful age of inventiony
Now tho news prints are constantly
filled with references to devices and with
words that were utterly unknown even
half q decade ago. The balloon has given
place to the ''dirisDsAs The word .gas
Evening star., 1909-08-29
CANNON AND FOWLER.

From the Baltimore Star.
Mr.. Cannon might have some interesting
things to say about Mr.. Fowler's asset
currency as a panic accelerator If he
were SO minded.
From the New York Evening Telegram
Speaker Cannon says Representative
Fowler Is q joke. Very funny, but no
argument May be, too. the citizens in
Mr.. Fowler's district think differently.
From the Columbus Ohio State Journal
Mr.. Fowler's letter to Uncle Joe Cannon
seems to indicate that the writer inclines
to the view that possibly change in the
personnel of the Speaker OF the House
might be advisable.
From the Philadelphia Evening Telegram.
We content ourselves with the observa-
ton that the Fowler who brings down a
certain tobacco-ied Illinois prairie rooster
must be quick on the trigger and load
his shells with slugs.
From the Boston Globe.
Speaker Cannon hasn't yet, written q
reply to Representative Fowler's interest
ing letter. Maybe the rural free delivery
Is slow In Danville.
From the Chicago Evening Post.
Having signed. sealed and sent his let
ter. Representative Fowler hastened to
the photographer.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
SILLY SEASON ELEGIAG.

This is the season Of serpents that swim in ths
surf at the seaside
Hundred yard serpents with heads crested, and
saucer-like eyes;
Whose foreparIs appear to the weather OF liners,
their tails the lee side
Snakes that the sailors don't mention-peope
might think they tell lies.
This is the VI stories surprisingly. shock
ingly silly,
Doped Dy the writers OF news, too hot to OBJ
tain what - true;
Scandals at Newport ana wonderful doings In old
Piccadilly-
Smart Set gone daft with the heat, ~nutty to
do something new.
This Is the season when preachers preach against
peek-a b0o dresses
Then the Dear Girls think 'sm bad, and make
em more peek-a-boo sttu.
Now comes the poisoned Ice cream and the rest
Of the murderous messes;
Sunstrokes for doctors to oure-maa dogs Tor
coppers to kill
August, Mad Mullah Of monthsi II there any
that chanteth thy praises?
Yea, there be some, but that proves that bards
have gone mad with the rest.
ALI the worlds wrong in its thtnk-bo whensver
Sirius blazes,
Hence by these verses our own sanity fails In
the testl
-Csveland Leader.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
The DEATH RACES.
rrom the net-oit Free Press.

From the Detroit Free Press.
Next to the man who rocks the boat.
and the didn't OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES fool Il
the man who sits on the fence to watch
an automobile race.
From the Providence Evening Tribune.
It is announced that the automobile
slaughter at Indianapolis was due to the
unpreuaredness of the track. It Is bare
ly possible that the racing also had a
little something to do with It.
From the Council Bluffs Nonpareil.
It may come to pass that the man who
stands to watch an automobile race will
have first claim on q Carnegie medal
From the Milwaukee Sentinel.
The speeding auto is fast distancing the
poor toy pistol and rocked boat
From the Cincinnati Tfmes-Star
Literally those automobiles at In
dianapolis were prepared to do or die"
From the Baltimore Sun.
Many q motorist has started out to
break the speed record and ended up by
breaking q couple OF arms, legs and col
larbones.
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Indianapolis automobile races are
about as bloody as the average South
American revolution
Evening star., 1909-08-29

ed. and obtained, plank 50 very diff
ferent that subsequently 1t was inter-
preted on the stump as "a challenge OF
protection to q battle to the death" Mr..
Vest who was q star spellbinder In the
campaign. assured his audiences every
where that a tariff law drawn by a
democratic Congress and approved by
q democratic President would mark the
beginning Of the end Of protection.
The protection democrats made no re-
ply. Defeated In convention. they sim
ply bided their time. They wanted to
win at the polls. and II the free traders
could bring voters into camp by their
hullabaloo we'll and good.
Their time came when the tariff prom
ises were called mp for redemption In leg
islation. Then the rejected stone was
made chief Of the corner. Then Mr.. Cor
man. encouraged and supported by Mr..
Whitney and all the outside influences
the latter could command. wrote protec-
ton into the new tariff bill in letters so
large you could read them across the
street Instead OF being belted around
to die. like q condemned tree In the for
est, protection was coddled. The earth
at its base was enriched. and its roots
were watered. The President would not
sign the bill. but neither would he veto
1t. It became q law, and the tariff cam
paign Of 1892 ended in q roaring travesty.
II the Denver platform of last year was
fouted by democrats in Congress, what
shall be said Of the treatment OF the Chi
cago platform Of 1892 by the democratic
legislators chosen to give 1t tho force of
law? Neither the Wilson bill as it passed
the House, nor the Gorman-Wilson as 1t
passed the Senate. was q redemption OF
the promises upon which Mr.. Cleveland
had been returned to the White House.
And 1t must not be forgotten that one of
the men who helped to frame the Wilson
bill and voted for it was William J. Bryan
Of Nebraska, then an aspiring young poll
tician.
Evening star., 1909-08-29
SKY SPORTING.

From the Utica Press
Aviation weeks will soon be as COM
mon as fair weeks.
From the Atlanta Journal
Some Of the amateur aviators have
been brought to the tragic realization
OF the childish game that all that goes
up must come down.
From the Newark Evening News
The question AFTER the airship.
what?" is being propounded. We don't
know for certain. but we suspect quite
frequently It'll be the undertaken.
Erom the Detroit Free Press.
Still. aerop1ane races haven't reached
the stage where they kill two or three
men to each event.
From the Springfield Union.
.Airship in Seine." says a newspaper
headline. Apparently. airships go
crazy, too.
From the st. Louis Globe Democrat.
The number OF flying machines In the
air at one time at Rheims has been
increased from three to six. Danger
Of collision In midair appears only to
invite new adventures But, then. life
on the ground has grown so uncertain
since the multiplication Of automobiles
that the air may be safer after all