The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-02
DRIFTWOOD

l ~ k IF JUL Frequently we hear it said of a man that he Is "nobody's fool" thus losing sight of the fact that he is married.  A certain fellow in Montgomery told a certain young lady the other night She dashed his hopes by telling him that it would look very comical for him to take that nasty old medicine on the mantle-piece in her room. What a relief to read the advertise ments of a magazine and find at least something that is not in dialect. In a recent numper of popular woman's magazine there Were articles on How to Manage a Husband" When the Baby Teeths," should a Wife Tell Her Husband She Loves Him?" and similar topics from the first to the last page according toA The woman laying down the magazine, "are the ones who keep this publica- ton alive. Not a married woman of my acquaintance can afford the price" Whats become of the oldfasfioned beau who used to go around at night and serenade his girl?
 Marquette, Kansas, is to become dis tinguished above all the other towns of fine public library building. com pleteIy equipped. and Carnegie's money shas had no hand in the estabH nment of 1t.
 Girls would cry more than they do around young men at being kissed if it didn't make their noses red.
 + +
 Home. again-and nobody rocked a boat!-Buffalo News.
 Some of the sailors rocked a restau- rant when they were served tacks, nails and sticks in their mtnce pie: Member how they hurled stones and smashed the window?
 "women." says Bishop Anderson. always come home from an evening out, loaded with ideas"
 Men are somewhat different-they return home from an evening out load ed with that joyful liquid that makes them take a showerbath in full dress suit and go to bed on the hat-rack. Just to think of George Washing ton being a tax-dodger! This makes being than he used to, what with his never having told a lie, etc
 Cuba having received an importation of $400O0o ip gold last Saturday would indicate that the young republic is getting in line with the modern fdea of other nations pretty early in the game.
 An eastern poet has written some verses to his creditors. This is taking a mean revenge. It is worse than not paying 'em.
 A South Dakota hen went ahead lax vii when buried in a snow-drift. Such Industry Is commendable, but even at that eggs seem to be just as high.
 A Cleveland policeman entered a church and arrested the preacher Tor violating quarantine regulations the other day
 A Massachusetts washerwoman has died leaving an estate (of s45,000. This represents many rub; but who'll get it, there's the rub.
 San Francisco jockey has inherit ed s32,000 just as the California legis- horse racing Illegal Most opportune inheritance that!
 She who wears mojesty on all oc- casions Is more beautifully adorned than she who wears a hundred costly jewels and is not modest.
 i.
 The Senate disposed of $16o,0OOo, 900 the other day in just twenty minutes. That record will make any woman jealous.
 An entomologi.t informs us that the boll-weevil travels at the rate of six ty-five miles year. The boil i-Weevil there several hundred times sooner than he is wanted.
 On March 4th.
 Ring out the old
 Ring in the new
 We wonder what will
 BILLET DOUXi
 Hettv Green says she will die before she will let Sylvia have her money We'll sylvia will get 1t then, so why be so irascible?
 March didn't march in so very lion ish did she?
 In few more days Thomas Collier Platt will express his regrets to the express companies.
 Days Gettin' Longer. Days a-gettin longer-an trees n
 boomin' out
 Sun a gettin warmer ev'ry day. Sky about the hue
 Of sWeetheartS eyes O Due When she's thinkin' O the roses O the
 May
 Blue bird jes collin' sweet an ten- der for her mate Jay bird answerin' sassy-like fer fun Niolets awake Their little heads to shake In protest at the kisses O the sun Days a-gettin' longer-an' the meadows
 fYl o' lraame- Rabbits hoppin' skipprr all about oh it's good to be alive
 When the bees buzz round the hive Tn the warm days when the clover blossoms out.
 Its the time fer hearts a matif; it's
 the time fer maxim rows It's the time fer love an roses an fer
 rhyme.
 Don't let your cares annoy-
 Jes kiss your hand to Joy The days are gettin' longer all the
 timH'
 P. H. A.