davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Most Desirable Troubles.

From the Nashville Tennessean.
You remember the old fable Of the con-
vention Of Those with Troubles Of Their
Own. How each was permitted to lay
down his Package OF Trouble and take
away the Trouble Package deposited by
some one else. II he so chose And now
each. after looking over the collection.
made Hasty Grab for his own package
again and went forth content This may
have been a true fable. but we wonder
II among that list there was an Umpire
operating during the Dog DAYS in Dixie:
or the manager Of a tail-end team: or
a member OF the Sutton or Thaw fam
flies; or a thirsty tourist IN Alabama?
Possible. but not probable. The chances
are that any one OF these would have
broken a leg diving for the other fell
lows Package, whatever II might have
been.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
A Town Crier silent.

Nantucket has lost its town crIer,
Billy Clark. who died, broken-hearted,
because he had lost his voice He was
a queer vocal newspaper. He made two
rounds OF the town a day in the morn
ing to announce auctions, bargain sales.
and entertainments, and In the after
noon or evening 10 tell the news OF the
outside world that had been brought 20
Nantucket by the boat. and TO sell
newspapers. II was his afternoon
function. also. 10 mount the Old
South Church tower and sight the boat
from New Bedford. and 10 proclaim her
coming by blowing his horn on the four
sides OF the belfry. On a foggy day this
meant that the steamer would arrive IN
thirty minutes. and on a clear day that
she was two hours off-and the inhabi-
tants could accordingly govern theft rush
to the wharf Billy" was thrifty and
made folks pay for their fun Hence hls
two birthdays. one in summer, when the
visiting strangers were expected to re-
ward him openly-one year Eastmans
Johnson, the New York artist, gave him
gold watch-and another in wintr,
when the islanders remembered him
with a barrel Of -four or other things
substantial.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Frum the Boston Traveller.
It is safe to say that there are no suf-
fragettes in the town OF Cawker, for here
Is a report Of the Woman's Debating
Society:
who may rightly be said to be the
greatest woman in history? The answer
that was awarded the prize was this:
The wife OF a man Of moderate means.
who does her own cooking. washing. and
ironing, brings up a family OF girls and
boys 70 be useful members OF society.
and finds time for her own intellectual
and moral Improvement. Is the greatest
woman In all history"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
A LITTLE NONSENSE.


PLENTY OF MATERIAL.
That l repeat. some people say.
1t would appear
They are content to bring TO bay
Small deer,
Shakespeare himself was not above
That little prank.
Neither were other writers Of
High rank
Chaucer TO timeworn phrases clung.
I'm free TO state.
Scores Of repeaters loom among
The great.
So. II exposing you would do.
l make the claim
Better conflne your efforts to
Big game.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
SUNDAY. AUGUST %. 1909.
LET YOUR PAPER FOLLOW YOU.

The Washington Herald will be
mailed upon request 20 subscribers
leaving the city during the summer
months. Change Of address will be
made as frequently as desired; no
tees OF such change should give
both the old and new address.
Notify your carrier or newsdealer
OF telephone direct to The Wash
ington Herald. 7Sl 18th st. NV. The
subscription rate Is the same out
Of town as IN the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From the New Orleans TimesDemoc7at.
Have you any OF DR.. Eliots Eve Feet
OF books?'' inquired a fair young girl Of
the librarian in one OF the local libraries.
He secured several for her to look over.
She returned to his desk in about ten
II believe I will take one Of
Bertha NJ Clays works. please" she said
with q wearied air.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

"As II we didn't have enough to bear
already, Mr.. Kemble has a cartoon In the
current issue Of Harper's Weekly that
leaves the impression that Uncle Joe
Cannon comes from Ohio" says the Ohio
State Journal However. our contempo-
rary would be even madder had Mr.. KEN
Bile shown Uncle Joe" going TO Ohio
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
!. II the sIeepine sIcknen.,

From the Houston Post.
Mr.. Roosevelt is fixing to visit q dead
volcano In Kenla province. We are as
founded We should think be would pre-
fer to kill volcano. instead OF monkey
ing with a dead one.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

"Mr. Taft Is reported to be not at all
disturbed by the news that the corpora
ton tax is to be taken into the courts to
test its constitutionallty." says the New
York Post. We should think as much.
Were he TO be informed that such is not
the case doubtless he would be suspicious
indeed.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From The Louisville CourierJournal.
Another item on the free list under
the benign Payne bill is "apatite" It
is described as a vitreous. sea-green.
brown. blue-black OF white, transparent
to opaque, calcium chlorophosphate or
huophosphate. usually crystallizlng in
hexagonal prisms. An appended note says
that II was formerly valued as a jewel
It is doubtless because OF it's obsolete
ness that Mr.. Aldrich admitted It without
question.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

According to the Baltimore News. "a
new cemetery is going TO be established. q"
Presumably. large numbers Of Baitimor-
cans have taken advantage recently OF
these remarkable bargain funerals" Of
fered in their town.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The Russian people give more atten-
ton TO the art OF dancing than any other
people in the world" says the Lynehburg
News. We sometimes think the American
people give more attention 10 the art OF
paying the fiddler than any other people
on earth.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The booze" manufacturers in this
country might play a mean trick on
Georgia and Alabama II they cared TO.
They might decline TO ship anything into
those States in any circumstances what
soever for. say a year or two.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Because he does not Ike some Of the
people in the neighborhood a Chicago
man threatens TO erect half mile of bill
boards on both sides Of the street along
which they live. This probably will be
known as the Great Spite Way.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Charming IsIes OF the Sen.

There are unclaimed islands in the
world that would make charming places
OF retreat FOR sad bachelors or others
weary OF the hubbub OF the world.
There. in tropical or subtropical climes.
ever surrounded by the isolating sea.
they could indulge 10 the fun their long
ing for restful solitude. The plantains
tho banana. the sugar cane. the melon
would contribute 10 their support, and
the lonely II not lonesome dweller may
find plenty OF occupation in fishing. gar
dening. and reading whatever books ne
may have sent TO him from easily
reached civilization. There are a few
such islets In the Caribbean, and now
such an Isolated area is about 10 be
annexed by the United States. Although,
IN the Hawaiian group, the isle Is on
no map. and there Is no record that II
ever belonged 20 any one. although King
Kalekaua once lost it as a stake IN a
poker game with a United States min
lister.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

II you desire to have your appendix re-
moved while on your way TO Europe. sew
eral OF the steamship lines are prepared
to accommodate you. only the more fash
ionsble ones. however
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
sans Rverrthinr.

From Spare Moments
Johnny-What makes that new baby
at your house cry so much. Tommy?
Tommy Qndignantly)-It don't cry 80
very much-and anyway, IL all your teeth
was out. and your hair of, and your
legs was so weak you couldn't even
stand on them, I guess you'd feel like
crying yourself
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
A Fathers order Of shoes.

There are a man and wife In Northern
Vermont who would crafty the Roose-
veltian ideal Of parentage. They are
French Canadians, and the husband and
father recently sent the follow ing mail
order 70 a merchant: "Monsieur-Please
sen de shoe for ma familee. She is
Marie, sixteen year; Pierre. fifteen year;
Jacques. fourteen year; Louise thirteen
year; Batesse. twelve year; Henri, eleven
year; Toinette. ten year; Alma. nine
year: Louis. eight year; Prosper, seven
year; Denise. six year; Poleon. five year:
Valerie. four year; Jeanne, three year;
Josephine. two year; Natalie and Jock,
one year-dey twin-de baby, she go
barefoot. How much?"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From Pcarson's Weekly.
Passerby-Here. boy, your dog has biz
ten me on the ankle
Dog Owner-Well. that's as high as he
could reach. You wouldn't expect a little
pup like him 10 bite your neck, would
yer?"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From she Baltimore News.
There is absolutely no originality In
the makeup Of the average murderer.
After confessing. he invariably calmly
lights a cigarette" Some one would
make a decided hit II he would take a
chew Of tobacco or can for an ice cream
cone.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
After Vacntior

I see you step higher with one foot
than with the other"
That's the aftermath OF my vacation
In the mountains. l notice you hold
your arms akimbo."
Yes; spent the summer committing.
That's the result OF the bundle habit.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

1t has long been held 10 be automatic
that two things cannot occupy the same
space at the same time. They will have
to, however, II all of Mr.. Roosevelt's
alleged forthcoming specimens are crowd
ed into the present Smithsonian Institu-
tlon.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The young King OF Spain has not yet
essayed an airship flight" observes a
writer. il must be remembered that his
majesty has been rather busy OF late
plotting the ship OF state through stormy
seas.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Improving the si1-foot Shelf.

From the Boston Herald
Our pessimistic friend, who is a writer
dropped in long enough to say that a six-
foot bookshelf would hold a couple more
volumes If the whole thing were done In
paper covers. We promised him the idea
should have immediate circulation.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

A New York burglar says he quit the
business because there Is no longer any
money In IT," AS ardently as we desire
TO find something IN the new tarin law 70
commend. we do not believe II IS respon-
sible for this burglars act
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Caruso says he pays dearly for every
thing he buys. Still. he does not have
to buy grand opera tickets, and that
should keep him from growing hopelessly
pessimistic.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
BY A PEssIWIST.

Declined with thanks" and al they add
To make the note perusable
Most ften means "Y0ur work Is bad..''
Or. Simply n,excusabley'
And. Let Us hear frum you again.
Encouraging Civility-
Denotes, You've hall a chanco in ten
A fighting possibility
And lastly. Be K understood.
We find your verss available"
Does net imply Your rhymes are good,'
Il amply means they're salablel
--Pscs.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The scheme does not commend itself TO
our way of thinking. However. II Den
yer wants 10 remove 10 the National Cap
ital, we shall bid IT welcome to our city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Have you any undesirable cltizensg'
Undesirable citizens!' exclaimed the
Chicago man. There amt no such thing
during a census year"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From The Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'Isa't It about time 10 change the nick
name Of the Cleveland ball club?"
What would you suggest?"
II don't know, but It seems to me that
Nap isn't sufficiently suggestive OF a pro-
lOnged sleep"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The young Shah OF Persia Is on the car
pet for seven or eight wives. Thank
heaven. we have not yet reached the
point in this country where that makes
our heiresses sit up and take notice.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Human nature Is a curious thing. Some
how the average man likes 10 have HIS
suspicious confirmed whether It is pleas
ent or not
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Col. scott and discipline.

Prom the New York Sun
We congratulate Col Hugh l. Scott upon the is
sue Of his hght for the enforcement Of a law oi
Congress well as for the maintenance OF disci
pine at West Point
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

A Kansas editor says the word "Chau-
tauqua" is an Indian term. and means "a
bag tied in the middle" Whether this is
true or not, It seems likely enough.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

1t was not a dig-dlg that Mr.. Roosevelt
recently killed Dear. no: It was a dix
dix! II this had been explained in the
beginning. II would have saved tre-
niendous amount OF worry and trouble.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

A Georgia life insurance company Will
accept only total abstainers as desirable
risks. This win exclude large number
OF shouting prohibitionists.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Beautiful words in beautiful places
will change the looks on many wry
faces" says the Chicago Record Herald.
So will beautiful kings. and queens, and
lacks.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

"A friend took me on a little auto trip
through the country"
And how did nature look?"
kind Of blurred"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Fsom the 81. Louis Star.
Mrs. Flannigan-Our John was awful
fat when he came back from the hospital.
Mrs. O'Toole-Faith, an I do suppose
the boy got big from sleeping on a
stretcher
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

II the new Lincoln penny really will not
NJ the slot machines. instead OF recalling
II. the government should put in a rush
order FOR several millions more.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From the Nashville Tennessean
II camel can go eight days without
taking drink-as report has it-and It
takes camel ten days TO cross the State
Of Alabama-weli, what's the answer?
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From the Boston Transcript.
OF course, the acting mayor of New York could
not let the opportunity pass foT c.ndoling with
Mayor Hibbard on the "capture'' Of Boston.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

From the Springfield Republican
President Eliot has achieved the distinction OF
delivering address religion which the Pope
has ordered to be translated into Italian tor his
own perlsa
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
MIR. Taft over the BORDER.

Frum the Mexican Herald.
Mr. Taft is no tariff expert. the last thing he
would pretend 10 be; he Is man Of great com
mon sense. Of right motives and judicial tempera.
ment
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Mankind has varying ambitions"
That's right. Sometimes I think I
would Ike to be a bewhiskered farmer
and raise chickens. and then again 1
think would like 10 be a cold, cynical
man Of the world"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

We had great stunts at the picnic"
Did you have sack racer"
"A sack race? We had something q
thousand times moro exciting"
Why. what on earth"
I'VE had a sheath Marathon"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Mr.. Justice Brewer received a warm
welcome to Milwaukee St. Louis. prob
ably. is prepared TO 90 Milwaukee one
better. however.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

The New York Tribune let go a big
asset when William Winter left the pa
per. That is the Tribune's business. OF
course. but we think It Is fact. never
theless.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

What's the matter with that back
woods poet Of the Charlotte On. g OBJ
server?" inquiries the Richmond News
Leader. Environment. in all probability.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
al srnhicnte Rn1r

From the Washington ucwsl Democrat
A girl was born 70 Mr.. and Mrs Walter
Fishburn and also to Mr. and Mrs. w.
o. Ralston and Mr. and Mrs. Tad Plum
mey.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
BoardMaIl1 strnterr.

About the rolling waves talks Tom.
And wifey unawares
Has her attention taken from
The rolling chairs.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Whx Go Into Courtf

From the Springfield Republican
Reckless automobilists wife seeks d.
vorce" is the way one recent Connecticut
case has got into the papers. Why not,
In Kipling's phrase. "Wayte ewhyle?''
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Mr.. Clarke Chautnuoun Lo.N.

From the Chicago Record Herald
Champ Clark Ciaims that he lost H.On through
the cancellation Of Chautauqua dates owing 10 TIE
prolonged extra session Of Congress
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

Lieut.. Sutton's method OF suicide. while
extremely odd and novel. appears. never
theless, 70 haye been highly successful.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

A Colorado delegate to the recent trans
Mississippi congress advocated the re-
moval Of the National Capital to Denver.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
The President and West Point.

From the Philadelphia Press.
II the United States Military Academy had had
more eKpusions for hazing in the past. such as
President Taft has Just confirmed. 1t would have
less hazing now. No one needs 10 learn 10 obey
the law quite much q future amy ofHcer
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22

An odorless onion would be about as
useful as a kernelless nut.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
Gov. Hughes and Primarirn.

Prom the New York Evening Post.
Gov. Hughes renewal Of his advocacy of dire-,
pTimsries occasions heart searching among our Do
litich philosopher.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
ANENT PUBLIC MEN.
Mr.. Littauer and Glove.

From the Boston Herald
They insinuate that M LittAuer feels hurt with
President Taft he hates 70 be handled without
gloves.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
An Earthquake Convention.

Are we ever 10 protect ourselves against
earthquakes? The international conven-
ton for their study Is to meet in Sep
tember at Zermatt, with delegates from
almost every country. The study OF
earthquakes is said 10 have been pursued
most diligently IN Japan and in italy.
The discovery which led 20 the establish
ment Of observatories. furnished with
delicate instruments for recording dis
tnnt earthquakes, was due 20 an acci-
dent. In 1877 a Russian astronomer no.
uced, while making observations with
one Of the levels attached 20 a telescope
that the bubble Of the level was oscil-
latinE. but apparently for no reason
Directly, however, there came the news
Of an earthquake at Iquique. which had
occurred an hour and a quarter before
the oscillations OF the instrument: and
since then II has been ascertained that
this is Just the time needed for the
earth waves to travel the 5000 miles
between the two points. Such was the
beginning Of what seems TO be now q
highly developed attempt at the forma-
ton OF new science.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-22
PEOPLE AND THINGS


@e"ehs AAAhfa IN hungary
The cost Of living is a subject OF earn
est discussion in Austria Hungry Not
only the workmen for days wtges, but
those with regular salaries have difi-
Guilty TO make both ends meet. Even
government officials are in debt The
complaint is made at Budapest that in
Hungary bread Is dearer than in Aus
tria. Germany. Belgium. and Holland.
Meat at present is dearer in Hungary
than anywhere else. The system Of taxes
makes the brewing Of cheap beer an i'm
possibility, Nobody IN Hungary thinks Of
growing vegetables IN a garden Instead
OF promoting agriculture. which Is the
one thing in which Hungary has always
been great. the government spends It's
millions upon creating an industrial
class. the employers Of which have TO be
materially assisted, and The employed
are for the most part aliens. since the
Hungarian laborer, who has In number
less generations titled the earth and cul-
tlvated the vine. cannot learn TO work in
a factory. Emigration on an enormous
scale is the result. Yet nowhere In the
world are there as many coffee houses.
casinos, and clubs as in Hungary. nor as
many people who spend their whole time
playing cards and discussing politics
Mexican Ruins of Concrete.
Archaeologists advance an interesting
theory concerning the architecture whose
works survive a vanished civilization in
Mexico. The theory is that these gigan-
tic ruins were constructed OF concrete,
cast in gigantic size The explanation
Is plausible. Present civilization has only
recently reached the point Of large con-
crete construction. and IL is not difficult
to believe that 1t Is one Of the lost arts.
The difficulty that must have attended the
transformation Of what have been be-
ieved 70 be colossal stone blocks van
ishes II they were really made OF con-
crete, for which abundant material was
easily ohtainable. II Is also possible that
the remote race concerned achieved bet
ter concrete construction than we have
yet obtained The abundant carving Of
a comparatively crude sort that appears
IN the remains OF these ruined cities
could have been done in concrete.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-06-16

Quite a number of our business
houses observed Flag Day Monday,
by decorating their buildings with
cold Glory
We note that Malta is on the list f
increases in Post Masters salaries
and 81 200 will now be paid instead
of 100, owing to an increase of
business in this Office.
E.Millerthe North Side blacksmith
who recently came to Malta from Mad
ison Lake, MIMI, is confined to his
room at the home of Mrs. Townsend
with an attack of intlammatory rheu-
matism.
SCREEN DOORS AND WINDOWS
at Imperial Lumber Yard. Call and
see what sizes you need, so that if our
stock does not have your size, we can
get them for you.
The southern portion of France
was visited by violent earthquake
last Saturday. The towns of St.
Cannat and Rognes were completely
ruined and the dead reported to be
over hundred. The shocks were
followed by violent hail storms. I
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-08-13

one OF the largest breeding stations Of
the gannet and puffin round our coasts.
and the huge colony of birds who do
not leave the rock until the autumn
is well worth visitig on a calm day.
The whole distance from Kenmare
to Cahirciveen is so miles. and there
is not mile of 1t that Is not worth
seeing. both for its beauty and its as
sociations; but shorter route more
suitable for cyclists or those who do
not care for a long coach journey lies
over the mountain pass of Ballagh-
bema. By this route the traveller fol-
lows the main road from Kenmare as
far as the Blackwater bridge and then.
turning aside, follows the stream up
into the mountain which divides its
watershed from that Of the Caragh
river. Following this river he comes
down to Caragh lake, where the rail
way appears again. The salmon and
trout fishing, both in the lake and the
surrounding rivers, are excellent, and
should he desire to try them he can
not do better than stay at the New
Southern hotel. The Caragh river is
reserved for the guests here. as are
25.OO0 acres of shooting. Indeed.
winter visit to Caragh in search Of
snipe and cock will well repay the
trouble Of a channel crossing. Bath
ing and boating are perfect, and there
Is golf course close at hand.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1909-08-13
Almost Any Mother.

The mother of a large family fell
Ill and died and the attending ply
sician reported that she died of star
walton. 1t was incredible, but he
proved It: The woman had to get the
dinner and then spend the next two
hours in waiting on the family and
getting the children to the table. It
was never on record that she got all
OF them there at the same time and
they came struggling in all the way
from potatoes to pie. BY the time
she had wiped the last face. her own
hunger had left her and she had NO
desire to eat. Chickens. the doctor
said. come running at feed time. but
children don't. A hen has . better
chance to eat than . mother.-Atchi-
son Globe.