davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
Adonls In Hard Luck.

A man once asked Thackeray to
lend him five shillings. which he would
convert into 100000 Asked how.
he explained that he knew young
lady with 100000 who he knew
would marry him II he asked her. but
he had pawned his teeth, and wanted
FIVE shillings to redeem them in order
to propose effectively. - T. P.'s
Weekly.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
Scarcity Of Humor,

II IL to be feared that IL the papers
reserved a special corner once each
week for the witticism OF the week. II
would be often left blank. There is no
wit TO speak of to-day, only feeble
imitation Of 1t which people are fond
of calling the saving sense of humor
London Saturday Review.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
Confusion of Polsons.

The Russians may make mistake
In putting a skull-and -cross-bones label
ON bottles Of vodka. They will teach
the simple peasant. who cannot read,
to look for the poison label when he is
thirsty, and who can tell how much
carbolic acid, vitriol and such deadly
drugs will be taken in the guise Of the
other poison?
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
At a Casual Glance.

Don't you think my poetry resem-
bles Tennysons?" said the confident
young writer.
ut does" answered Miss Cayenne,
"in the capitalization and the arrange
ment of lines into varying lengths"
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
WeaseIs Attacked Cow,

daymakers on the farm of II. A. Sell,
IT Hanover, Pa, noticed a COW in
ear-by meadow strangely jumping
about and believing loudly. Upon In
vestigation they were astonished to
nd that eight weasels had attacked
Or. After a hard fight the farmers
succeeded in killing several Of the
bloodsuckers and scattering the 70
mainder.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
One Judge System,

AS in previous years, the one Judge
system will be used for all classes,
save the championships for horses,
when three judges, chosen from the
regular list of horse judges Of the fair,
will be used in each class.
The catalog of the Blue Grass Fair
Is well worthy Of careful inspection.
Thousands of copies have been mailed
all over Kentucky and other states,
but anyone who has not received a
copy and who desires one. will secure
same promptly upon request to Secre-
tary Jouett Shouse, at Lexington.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
Self Defense.

81 see that the Turks have been
killing the Armenians"
Yes, but the Turks say that the
Armenians attacked them"
Reminds one of the sheep thief
when he was caught Just after hav-
ing killed a sheep; he said he wasn't
going to let any doggone sheep bite
him"
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04

"Have another drink. old man"
We've had ten. 1 couldn't possibly
swallow another"
Jaw, be a good fellow"
Then suppose you pour 1t over me.
Will that satisfy the requirements of
good fellowship? "-Washingt Her
aid.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
IL Didn't Work

81 haven't anything At to wear" she
said.
Neither have l." he replied: lets
stay at home"
Taken up thus, there was nothing
for her to do but hurry and get ready.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04

Servant-A pound OF tea for the
missus.
Grocer-Green or black?
Servant-Shure, ayther will do.
She's as blind as q bat!-Judge.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
The Real Thinu.

IT guess I'll take a hand In the
poker game" Kissed the gamblers
wife, as she broke up the party with
flourish of that homely but useful
kitchen article in her muscular hand.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
Wealth's Vagaries.

81 understand that old Bullion has
just ordered another parlor car"
Yes. he happened to think of a good
name for it and had it built"
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
atchinq His FEELINGS

"Ragsby is very chesty since he
started to buy a new house"
Yes, so much so that he insisted
on getting one with a swell 'front.'
Yonkers Statesman.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04
When Women Vote.

He-Aren't you ready to go down to
the polls yet, dear?
She-Not yet.
What are you doing-trying to make
up your mind or your face?-Yonkers
Statesman.
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04

To Be Had Without Asking.
There is one thing that some mean
people are always willing to give yol
and that Is the worst Of It
The Mt. Sterling advocate. (Mt. Sterling, Ky.) 1890-current, 1909-08-04

make the chow. On Saturday after
noon comes the browning show pro-
gram Of the week, wnen the champion
ships in all the horse classes will DO
contested.
Taken as a whole, this is the best
and most complete show program ever
offered by a fair In the south.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
new CENSUS BILL.
1t Will Conform in a Measure to
RooseveIt's Expressed Wishes.

Washington, March 9-The passage OF
a new census bill during the special
session to take the place of the meas
ure vetoed by President Roosevelt is
confidently predicted by its friends in
congress.
Representative Crumpacker. of Indi-
ana, chairman of the census commit
tee OF the last house. and author OF
measure. He believes it will not only
meet the approval of the special ses-
sion of congress but viii receive the
signature of President Taft.
The plan for the selection of clerks
by noncompetitive examinations, as
provided for in the vetoed bill, has been
abandoned. Judge Crumpacker has
sought to apply the merit system of Sc
lection, modified to meet the exigencies
OF the census work. The new bill pro-
vides for special test examinations
prescribed by the civil service commits
sion. The selection would differ from
the ordinary selection under the civil
service in that the director of the CEN
sus might. when the exigencies of the
service required, give preference to
elig1bles Immediately available instead
of selecting the appointees according to
rating as is otherwise provided.
The language of section Z, to which
President Roosevelt objected has been
changed to read as follows:
section Z. That the additional clerks
and other employees provided for in sec
IlOII SlA SIIdlI DS SQDJSCl 10 SuCA SpGCldl
test examination as the director of the
census may prescribe, the examinations
to be conducted by the United States
civil service commission, the examina-
ton to be open to all applicants with
out regard to political party afhlia-
ationS.
Copies of the eligible registers so es-
tablished and the examination papers
of all eligibles shall be furnished the
director of the census by the civil SER
nd SaIa0fiOnS there
from shall be made by the director of
the census, without regard to the law
of apportionment in order of rating,
provided however, that when the ext
gencies of the service require. prefer
ence may be given to eligibles who by
reason of residence or other conditions,
are Immediately available; and that
preference may also be given to per-
sons having previous experience in CEN
sus work, whose efficiency records are
satisfactory to the said director who
may in his discretion accept such rec
ords in lieu of said examinations.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
AERONAUT BROWNS.
Wind Carries His Balloon Away From
the Land.

San Pedro, Calf, March 9.-While
hundreds watched his frantic efforts
TO control great gas bag which was
swiftly bearing him out over the Pa
clfc ocean, Lester Elkins, an amateur
aeronaut, 20 years old, scared the bal
loon to a height of more than four
thousand feet before he cut loose his
parachute and dropped into the wat
erS of the outer harbor to his death.
As the stiff wind carried him out to
sea, boatmen hastily left the inner
harbor in launches to rescue him
should he be unable to guide the bal
loon back over the land
The launch Emiline was already in
the outer harbor when Elkins cut
loose, but owing to the high wind the
skipper was unable to judge correctly
the point where Elkinis would strike
the water. The balloon careened and
was carried rapidly out over the wat
er Elkins began frantic efforts to
guide it back to the land by swinging
from the bar below, but soon the bag
was far out at sea.
1t had reached an altitude of about
4,500 feet when the aeronaut left the
bag and dropped like a rock toward
the ocean. The parachute filled after
he had fallen a short distance but
was caught by the wind and carried
still farther out and fell in the ocean
a mile beyond Deadmans island.
Elkins came to California a few
months ago from San Antonio Texas,
where his mother now lives. The body
has not been recovered.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
COUNTERFEIT TICKETS.
Detectives Unearth Scheme to Swindle
Transit Company.

New York, March 9.-Secret service
men employed by the Interborough
Rapid Transit company have unearth-
ed q. gigantic scheme to swindle the
company by means Of counterfeit sub
way and elevated railway tickets.
Three men and a woman were placed
under arrest yesterday afternoon and
a small hand press, two dies and 15,-
600 tickets were cOnfiscated.
1t is alleged that although few bog
us tickets have been sold so far,
those behind the scheme had made
elaborate arrangements TO o1spose OF
them by the thousands at a so-called
club near 149th street and Third ave-
nue., at the rate of IL cents apiece
More than a week ago detectives no
ticed that a number of counterrelt
tickets were in boxes of the subway
and an investigation was begun. They
were traced to the 149th street station
and this led to the arrest of Henry j.
Torrens, who lived with his young
wife in West 44th street. The wife was
also taken into custody.
Torrens, it is said. admitted that ne
ington's birthday.
The counterfeit tickets for the sub
way are a good imitation, but the ele-
waited tickets are too light in color.
They were apparently made in Brook
Ivn where Michael Rubinsk and
Samuel Rubinsk made the total of
four prisoner were arrested after
Torrens and his wife had been appre-
hended. The material used for max
ing the tickets was found in build
ing occupied by one of the Rubinskts.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
WRONG OPERATION.
Young Girl With Swollen TonsiIs Had
Appendix Removed.

Harrisburg, Pa, March 9.-Rose
Cohen, an eight-year-old girl, is con-
valescing in the Harrisburg hospital
after having been operated on Sunday
for appendicitis by mistake. The child
and her 11-year-old brother were sent
to the institution suffering with en-
larged tonsils. In some unexplained
manner the girl was given an anaes-
thetic and her appendix was taken
out. The surgeons say that the ap
pendix was somewhat infammed and
they did not discover their mistake
until the parents called The humor-
Gus feature of the case is the asser-
ton that the condition of the little
girls appendix showed that she
would have developed appendicitis
any way and that the operation, there
fore. was a fortunate mistake.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
HE PREFERS Mr.. KNOX.
Secretary of State objects to Being
Called by Title.

Washington, March 9.-Secretary of
State Philander G. Knox is one cabinet
officer who, it is understood, does not
appreciate the title of f'A1r. Secretary
He prefers being called "Mr. Knox
Among other democratic tendencies
of the new premier is his habit of
early rising. Six o'clock is rather a
late time for him to get up so that
before the usual Office hours he has
performed a large amount Of work.
Since assuming the state portfolio,
he has arrived at his desk daily at 8
o'clock or earlier. He will very likely
continue his practice of taking papers
home with him to be studied and
acted upon in the early morning be-
fore he goes to his office.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
IT MUST GET OUT.
Custer of Standard Is Approved by
Missouri Supreme Court.

Jefferson City, March 9.-The mo-
tions of the Standard Oil company OF
Indiana and the Republic Oil COM
pany of Ohio for a rehearing OF the
custer suit recently decided against
them, and for a modification of the
Judgment, were overruled by the Mis-
souri, supreme court today.
The position of the Waters-Pierce
Oil company was upheld, the motion
of the attorney general for an abso-
Lutte custer of the Missouri company
being denied, the compliance with the
court order recently filed by the com
pany was approved and the Judgment
of custer against it suspended
The effect of these decisions Is to
expel the Indiana and Ohio companies
from Missouri and to restore the
Waters Pierce company, so per cent
of whose stock is held by the standard
Oil company of New Jersey, the right
to do business within the state.
No formal opinion in the premises
was read, Chief Justice Villiant sim
ply announcing the gist of the courts
decision. Justices Lamm and Wood
son dissented The Standard OIL in
terests are expected to appeal from
the decision and carry their case TO
the supreme court of the United
States
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09

sleep day or night because of that dread
ful itching; when did sleep it was from
sheer exhaustion. I was one mass of
irritation; it was even in my scalp. The
doctors medicine seemed to make me
worse and was almost out of my mind.
l read OF Cuticura and sent my wife to
the druggist, who was a member of my
lodge OF Odd Fellows, for set Of the
Cuticura Soap, Cuticura Ointment and
Cutlcura Resolvent. l used them per-
sistentIy for twenty-four hours. That
night 1 slept like an infant, the first
solid nights sleep had had for six
months. was not afraid to use plenty
OF Cutlcura Ointment and Cuticura Soap
with not water and in a weeks time I
was able to put on my clothes again.
In a month [ was cured. From that
DAY TO this cannot praise the Cuticura
remedies too highly. / may add that
l have a very heavy head of hair which
l owe TO Cutlcura. W. Harrison Smith,
RID. 2, Mt. Kisco, n. Y, Feb. 3, 'OS.''
single set of the Cuticura Remedies
Is often sufficient for the treatment of
the most torturing, disfiguring, itching,
burning and scaly humors, eczemas,
rasnes and irritations, with loss Of hair,
from INFANCY to age, when ali other rem
eoles ran. Guaranteed absolutely pure
ana may be used from the hour of birth.
66uticura Scan t25c), Ointment (5oc). Resolvent
.SOe1. and Chocolate Coated Pills t75c.). sold
@snfolSAotit @ the world. Potter Drug & Chem. Corp,
sore EfopS l34 Columbus Ave, Boston
AAHeo Frse. Cuticura Book on Skin Diseases.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
PREHISTORIC DUCK.
New York Museum Has Skeleton
100000 Years Old.

New York, March "a complete
skeleton of a prehistoric duck, esti-
mated by DR.. H. c. Bumpus of the
American Museum of Natural History
to be three million years OLD, has just
been acquired by the museum. The
specimen is so well preserved that the
greater part of the skin of the head,
body and legs may be seen. 1t was
found near Lance Creek, Wyoming.
''Mummies of Egypt three of four
thousand years DID, said DR.. Bumpus
yesterday, 'are considered to be of
respectable antiquity, and still more
venerab BILE are the mammoths found
frozen in the tundras of Alaska, but
even the mammoths, tens of thous-
ands Of years old, are only creatures
of yesterday compared with the an
tiquity of this dinosaur mummv',
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
SLOT MACHINES PAY.
New York Litigation Shows Daily In
come of $4,000.

New York, March 9.-The question so
often asked '1 wonder how many PEN
nies the chewing gum slot machines
take in during day." is partly an
swered as a result of legal proceedings
instituted here yesterday against Sto!l-
werck Brothers and Ludwig Stollwerck.
who control the chewing gum and
chocolate vending machines in the
New York subway and elevated sta
tions. On complaint of Darwin F:
Rudd, to whom the Chatham National
bank assigned two notes, Justice F1tz-
gerald, in the supreme court issued an
attachment against the Stollwercks
which covers every machine they con-
troll in all the stations. The s>tach-
ment was issued to cover claim OF
$25, 900 said to be due on two notes 1t
was disclosed incidentally that the ma
chimes bring in daily $4,000. which
makes 200, 900 pennies that the New
York public expend for chocolate and
gum each day in the subway and ele.
vated stations alone. A deputy sherlI
to whom has been assigned the duty OF
taking charge of the machines IS Won
dering whether he will have to place
man on duty at every station In the
city
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
SNAKE BITE MEDICINE.
Will Be Carried by Roosevelt in
Tabloid Form.

New York, March 9.-Medical and
surgical instruments enough to do the
work of an ordinary hospital will be
carried by Theodore Roosevelt to
Africa, all condensed so as to fill a
suit case. There are $4,000 doses in
the tabloids, nearly 40 per cent of
them quinine- The other medicines
are to ward off diseases most preva-
lent in equatorial Africa, chemicals to
make swamp water pure and pala-
table, cures for snake bites, stimu-
lants, opiates, knives and bandages.
These supplies, packed in unbreak-
able and alright bottles of vulcanite
composition, fit into an aluminium
case Is by 10 by 8. Major Edgar A
Mearns, U. S. A. retired, medical di-
rector of the Roosevelt expedition,
dictated the selection of the medicines
to be carried.
Liquids find no place in the assort-
ment nor in the outfit for developing
photographs prepared for Kermit put
up in equally condensed form.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
OVATION TO TAFT.
Theater Audience AppIauds Five Min
utes as He Enters.

Washington, March 9.-President
Taft was given a rousing ovation last
night when he entered a box at a To-
cal theater to witness 1.-THE Rejuvena-
tion of Aunt Mary" The orchestra
played America" and the audience
applauded for fully five minutes, Mr.
Taft smiling acknowledging the greet
ing. Mrs. Taft, Mr.. and Mrs. Moore
of Cincinnati house guests at the White
House and Lieutenant Reed, U. S. N,
were in the party.
Mrs. Taft was hostess at a box party
in the afternoon at the Paderewski re-
cital
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
PICKPOCKET DEAD.
Thomas Murphy, Cleverest of Crooks,
Takes His Own Life.

New York, March "a man who
the police say was Thomas Murphy,
one of the cleverest of the old time
pickpockets, committed suicide last
night by shooting himself through the
heart. He fired the shot while sitting
on a bench in a park in Harlem and
two policemen who were attracted by
the noise, arrived in time to see his
body roll off onto the sidewalk Mur-
rhv had made preparations for death,
having recently gone to an under
taker and left instructions for the
cremation of his body. A peculiar
statement was found on his person
telling of his experiences with the po-
lice and how he was "hounded" by
the police. He was sixty years old
and formerly a bookmaker.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
CONVERT NEwsPAPERMEN.
New York Suffragettes Conduct 4
Night Campaign.

New York, March 9.-True to their
promise. band of suffragists invaded
the downtown newspaper district at
2:30 o'clock this morning in the hope
of attracting the attention of, and con-
verting to the cause of women's suf-
rage the night working employees of the
newspaper along Park Row.
Standing on a wagon drawn by one
horse ten women halted in front of
the Tribune building and the speech
making began at 3 o'clock. Although
there were few persons on the street
at the time, crowd soon collected and
listened to the talks. Among the well
known women who were seen in the
wagon were Mrs Boornan Wells and
DIR Maude Glasgo The vehicle was
lighted by the familiar campaign torch
and little speakers stand stood at the
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
HIS HAND GREW FAST.
After 1t Had Been Almost Severed
From the Arm.

Kalamazoo, Mich, March 9.-The
hand that was severed from the wrist
of Charles Miller at a paper factory
here recently has been successfully re-
Joined to his arm and it is said that
the young man will shortly be dis
charged from Bronson hospital with
the prospect of regaining full use of
his hand.
Only a small piece of flesh held the
hand and arm together when the ac-
cident occurred but doctors quickly
bound them together and the wound
has rapidly healed, Doctors here say
that few such operations have result
ed successfully.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
LIFE OF A PIMPLE
CompIedons Are Cleared and PimpIes
disappear Overnight Without
Trouble.


The dispensers of poslam, a new
SKIN SKIN discovery, ask that notice be
gwen that no one is urged to pur-
chase 1t without first obtaining an ex-
perlmental package. Those who have
tried 1t will find that the f1fty-cent
pox, on sale at Fred A. Shows and all
orug stores, is sufficient to cure the
worst cases of eczema, where the
surface affected is not too large. The
ltclng ceases on first application. It
Will also cure acne, letter, blotches,
scaly scalp, hives. barber's and every
other form of itch, including itching
rect. Being f1esh-coIored and con-
tanning no grease. the presence of
poslam on exposed surfaces, such as
the face and hands, is not perceptible
Water and soap cannot be used in
connection with it. as these irritate
and prolong skin troubles, sometimes
evening causing them
AS 10 the experimental package of
poslam, it can be had free of charge
oy mail or the Emergency Labora-
tories. 32 West Twenty-fifth Street,
New York. 1t alone is sufficient to
clear the complexion overnight, and
to rid the face of pimples in twenty
four hours
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
ECONOMY COMMISSION.
Latest Plan to Prevent Public EX-
travagance in Michigan.

Lansing, Mich March 9.-An
ECONOMY commission" to see that no
state department or institution ex-
pends more money than it should is
provided in a bill introduced in the
lower house of the state legislature
last night by Representative Dusen-
berry. The commission will be au-
thorized to scrutinize the number Of
employees in any department or insti-
tuition and prescribe their hours or
work.
Representative Farmer introduced
a bill providing that bank directors
must sign their names to the records
of the directors meetings they attend.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
Near Death In Big Pond

1t was a thrilling experience to Mrs. Ida
lung trouble gave me intense suffering. "
she writes, 'and several times nearly
caused my death. All remedies failed and
doctors said 1 was incurabIe. Then DR..
Kings New Discovery brought quick re-
lief and a cure SO permanent that / have
not been troubled in twelve years" Mrs.
Soper lives in Big Pond. Pa 1t works
wonders in Coughs and Colds, Sore Lungs,
Iemorrhages. LaGrippe, Asthma, Group,
Whooping Cough and all Bronchial affec- @
Guaranteed by Campbell Drug Co.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
CHICAGo's FIRST WHITE CHILD
Mrs. NJ. e. Ifscom Born in 1886, Is
Dead.

Chicago, March 9.-Mrs. Margaret
Ellen Liscom, the first white child
born in Chicago after its incorporation
as a city, is dead in Bloomington, Ill.
She was born on March 3, 1886 and
was surrounded at her birth by
squaws.
Her first bath was taken in a tub
made from a hollow log. She was
rocked to sleep in a cradle of bark.
Mrs. Liscom's parents were Mr.. and
Mrs. James Kinzie, who came west
soon after their marriage in Virginia
and settled in Fort Dearborn
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
MEAT TO BE CHEAPER.
Armour Drops Word of Encourage
ment at Atlanta.

Atlanta. Ca, March 9.--"Meat will
be cheaper this summer said j.
Ogden Armour, who passed through
Atlanta in his private car en- route
from Palm Beach to Chicago. "Meat
is high, too high at present" he con-
tinued "but this is because of the in
creased cost of feeding stock just now.
1t follows that when corn is high,
meat is high. This summer we expect
the price of corn to go down and meat
will be cheaper.''
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-09
HE GAVE HIS LIFE.
New York Truck Driver Saved Life of
Six Year Old Boy.

New York, March 9.-John Want, a
truck driver is dead today after hav-
ing sacrificed his life to save a six
year old boy who darted in front of
the horses in East 22nd street. In an
endeavor to turn the team aside Want
was thrown from his seat, falling un-
der the wheels of his truck and being
crushed. He died two hours later in
Bellevue hospital