The Green Forest tribune., 1909-02-26

sented himself they sized up hlS Gullet shaped conk in one glance, then hand ed him frown and the highly cul' tured term of beat for beat it. They had to simplify the expression before he could understand it, and then Heiney picked up his carpet sack and went forth wondering if dad would use the oak lath on him when he got home and reported. However, he didn [ have long to worry about it. for as he was wandering about the campus like a stray calf with too much sour milk aboard he ran into the director of athletic sports, who was looking for piece of humanity about the size of H.iney to fit into the keystone position Of the football bunch
 He gently drew from Heiney hiS tale of woe and lifes history, and when he learned that the bulky young man with the small cupola could butt hole through a two-inch board without even peeIing the bark off his topknot, and could land a drop kick from the 50-yard line, he took him by the hand and led him back to the men who had turned him down, and ordered his name on the roll for the good of the school"
 At the first recitation Thomas got 100 per cent. and Heiney got a zero, but the professor had his orders from the athletic director, and that counts some in most colleges--or did when this happened. When the first football game was played Thomas was in his room wrestling with qUadratic equa- tion in the third degree, while Heiney was covering himself with glory and mud on the gridiron; and when he was carried from the field on the shoulders of the enthusiastic football bugs, his standing in the university was set tied, no matter what blunders he made in the class room, and he wrote a badly spelled letter home to cheer dad at his nightly vigils with the last and shoe pegs.
 AS time went by the intellectual bumps on Thomas head grew larger, while Heiney was taken up by the i hilarious bunch that had money to spend and didn't care how it spent it. i Trigonometry, geology, calculus, l psychology and such things became like unto ABCs to Thomas. and by hard work Heiney got enough mathe- matics into his head to figure out a race-horse dope sheet and the per l centages of the baseball teams He was star in the fall on the football 1 field. then he Thfbernated in a spell of :! glory until spring, when he added new 1 laurels to his crown by being the only i pitcher that could be relied upon by the baseball team. All the girls were l daffy aboEt him. the young men were l proud to kTIOW him, and small boys i followed him along the street hushed l but the faculty knew that Thomas was on the roll of students.
 The time finally came when Thomas and HeineylB class had 10 graduate l and as Heiney's days as football player were ended. by the laws of the game, he was handed m sheepskin 1 that had as much Latin on it as that l of Thomas but he was afraid to take l it home for fear his father would ask ] him to read it.
 Thomas was immediately hired by I the faculty as an assistant professor of mathematics and the dead Ian guages at a salary of $500 per year while Hefney was offered the position of football coach at $3,00G a year. But the big leagues had been fighting for him some time, and after Shaggling the usual time he finally signed up as a pitcher at the modest sum of St. COG per season. Every paper in the United States made mention of this fact and lots of them run his picture. The home paper donated nearly a page to it while Thomas high honors were dis missed wi&h a ftye-line sqnib on the local page.
 While the folks of the home town were still talking in bated breath about Heiney's great good fortune he slipped out Of town one day and the next heard Of him he had married the | daughter of q millionaire, who had been bombarding him with sofa cush- ions, college flags and such things for four years, and trembling all the time for fear she would not be able to land him.
 When the old eobbler heard the news he sent his congratulations. and the happy bride responded by mak. Ing him present Of a mahogany cob. bler's bench, with inlaid pearl dudads all over 1t, gold peg trays, a seat of Russian sable and a diamond-mounted hammer.