Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-04-09

the prize"
ooh" she said, 81 wasn't playing"
The elderly lady who was looking
through the shop Of dealer in knick-
knacks picked up small handbag. Are
you sure," she inquired, that this is a
real crocodile skin?"
Absolutely certain, madam" replied
| the dealer. 81 shot that crocodile my
self"
'It look rather soiled," observed his
customer.
Naturally, madam" explained the
salesman. "That is where it struck The
ground when it tumbled off the tree"
Lady Duff Gordon, says the New York
Press, thus told this story of an ignorant
Yorkshireman who came to London TO
see the British Museum:
unfortunately, the YOrkshireman
chose close day for his visit, and the
policeman at the gate, when he present
ed himself there, waved him away:
"'But must come in said the York
shireman. I've holiday, on purpose.
No NATTER said the guardian.
This is close day, and the museum is
shut
"'What? Amt this public property?'
"'Yes, admitted the policeman; but,
he cried, excitedIy, 'one of the mummies
died on Tuesday, and do you begrudge us
one day to bury him imp
"'Oh, excuse me- said the Yorkshire
man, in hushed voice. In that case. |
won't intrude.'
A captiOus traveller in Northern Ark
ansas stopped by fence to criticize a
scar cOrnfeld which met his disapprOval.
Mighty small corn you have there" he
shouted to the man who was 'superin-
tending the growth from a shady cor
ner.
"Yep," said the Arkansan. PLANTED
the small kind"
"Well," said the traveller, severely, 81
can't understand your method of farm
ing. You won't get over half crop
there"
"Nope," said the Arkansan, cheerfully,
"You are shore good gues5er, stranger.
Half crop exactly, that's mine. l
planted this on shares"
At dinner during the recent Episco-
pal Convention at Richmond young
lady sitting near the bishop of London
said to him:
Bishop, 1 wish you would set my
mind at rest as to the similarity or dis
similarity between your country and
ours on one point. Does the butterfly
because the tomato can?"
The bishop laughed heartily at this vi
vacious sally. Not so young English
man of his party, who, after dinner,
sought his host.
81 want to know, you know" said he.
| "about that joke of Miss BIS. She
asked if the butter flew because tOma-
toes could. Pray tell me what the point
| is"
Who is the man Standing in the Door
The man is an AuctiOneer.
What is an AuctiOneer?
| An Auctioneer is a man who Sells you
Something you don't Want cheaper than
you could Get it somewhere else fol
Nothing.
| What is the Auctioneer saying?
The Auctioneer is saying: "COmeingents
and don'tstandinthe doorwayandblOckit
up how much am Observation-Disclosures
edvase itcostonehundreddoll IsayONE
HUNDREDDOLLARS gimme a dollar
gimmeadollargimmeadollar going going
goinggoneatfftycents youfellersmakemt
| SICKw
Doesn't the Auctioneer speak English
Yes, the AuctioneeT speaks Auction.
English. 1t is language you cam
Understand until you have been Stung
How can the Auctioneer Live and Lose
so Much Money?
The Auctioneer Lives because OtheI
People Lose so much Money.
| P. S.-As talking Mechanical devic,
the Auctioneer has the Phonograph beat
en- to Spring Rug.
Lincoln Beachey, the Toledo aeronaut
was being congratulated on the 5000
prize that he won with his dirigible bal
loon at ST. Louis.
"And how did you feel when you foun,
; yourself the victor?" a young girl asked
"Feel?" said Mr.. Bsachey, laughing
why, l felt excited, frustrated. l feI
just like my old Toledo friend. Johl
Humphreys, at the time his first bah
came. To Jack Humphreys, covering il
his library, the doctor entered.
Congratulations, Mr.. Humphreys
the doctor said. a fine 12pound baby
sirp
"'Gloriousp shouted Jack, hysterically
And am a. father or a mother, doc?'
The little girl was very fond of pleas
: ant days. and at the close of a heav