The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-14
MINING-FINANCIAL
By S EVE L FO r D
Copyrighted by the Associated Sunday Magazines Incorporated

Guess he means Accident" says !.
What do you know about it, Jarvis?'
Why" says he, II was there"
'What?" says I. Here, Heiney. wake
up! Here's one Of the victims of your
rat poison soup. Does he look as
though he'd been through that floor
tweestin' orgy2"
With that Heiney gets mighty inter-
ested; but ne amt convinced until Jar
Wis gives him all the details, even to
namin' the landlord and describin' the
head waiter
But ze soup!" says Heiney. "zs
pOi-zon-ed soUp?'
1T was bad soup" says Jarvis; "but
not quite so bad as that. Nobody
could eat it, and 1 believe the final re-
port that we had on the subject was
to the effect that half intoxicated
chef had seasoned it with powdered
alum that should have gone into the
morning rolls"
re aluml Ze alum! Of Eat 1 nevair
think" squeais Heiney, f1Oppin' down
on his knees. "Ah, lie bon Dieu! lie
bon Dieu,"
He clasps his hands in front Of him
and rolls his eyes to the Ceilin'. Say.
it was the liveliest French prayin' 1
ever saw; for Heiney is ToCkin' back
and forth, his pop eyes leakin' brine,
and poliy-voo conversation is bubblin'
out Of him like water out of a busted
fire hydTant
"Ah, quit it," says I. This is no
camp mcetin'-"
There's no shuttin' him off, though,
and all the let-up ne takees is to break
of now and then to get Jarvis to tell
him once more that it's all true.
you make certainement, eh?" says
he. Nobody was keeI?"
Not a soul" says Jarvis. Il didn't
even hear of any one that was made
ILL.,"
"Ah. merci. merci." howIs Heiney,
beginnin' the rockin' horse act again.
Say, for the love Of Pete, Heiney,"
says I, will you saw that off before
you draw q crowd? I'm glad you be
lieve Jarvis, and that Jarvis believes
you; but hanged if I can quite swallow
any such dopy yarn as that without
somethin' more COnvincin'i All
know about you is that you're the
worst food scrubber I ever saw. And
you say you was q cook, do you?"
Cook" says Heiney, swellin' UP his
chest. 81 am tell you Eat 1 was re
premier chef. I have made for myself
fame. Everywhere in TEurope zey will
tell you Of me. For the king Of ze
Euglise I have made a dinner. Mol I
have invent re sauce Ravignon. From
nozziug at all-some meat scraps, some
iettle greens-I produce ze dish ravish-
ment."
yes, I've heard bluffs like that be-
fore says 1: but I never saw one
made good. Tell you what III do,
though: In the far corner Of the gym
there, is what Swiftly Joe calls his
kitchenet, where he warns up his
chowder and beans. There's a two
! burner gas stove, an old fryin' pan, and
/ coffee pot. Now here's a dollar. You
take that out on Sixth-ave. and spend
It for meat scraps and Ieetie greens
Then you come back here, and while
Jarvis and I are takin' a little exercise,
if you can hash UP anything that's fit
TO eat, I'll believe your whole yarn. Do
you make the tTy?"
Does he? Say, you never saw such
tickled Frenchy in your life Before
Jarvis and me mad got nicely peeled
down for our delayed boxin' bout,
Heiney is back with his bundles, has
got the fryin' pan secured, the gas
blazin'. and is THROWN things together
like a juggler doin' stage turn.
He sheds the blue jumper. ties bath
towel around him for an apron, makes
hat out of a paper bag, and twists
some OF that stringy lip decoration of
his into a pointed mustaChe Honest,
he didn't look nor act any more liks
the wreck that had dragged the mop in
there half an hour before than 1 look
like Bill Taft. And by the time we'd
had our three rounds and a rub down,
/ he's standin' doubled up beside little
table that he's found, with his arms
spread out like he was goin' TO take a
dive.
"Messieurs,'' says he, "eet ees serve"
Good" says 7. I'm just about Up
to tacklin' hot lunch. What kind Ok
a mess have you got here, anyway,
Heiney? Any alum in It? Blamed IL I
don't make you put away the whole
shoOtin' match If it amt gOod!"
How's that? Well, say, I couldn't
name il. OF say whether It was a stew.
fry OF an Omelet, but for an impromptu
sample Of fancy grub it was a little the
| fastest article I ever stacked up
against
Why" says Jarvis, smsckin' his
lips after the third forkful. IT'S RS de
yeau. isn't it?'
But yes, monsieur" says Heiney,
his face lightin' up 'Eet ees Tis de
veaV grille, q IA hnsncier"
And what's that in English?" says L.
In Englise," says Heiney, shTuggin'
his shoulders, ''eet ees not exist. Eet
! ees Parisienne."
Bully for Paris. them" says 7.
Whatever it might be if it could be
naturai:zed. it touches the spot. I take
/ fl all back. HeiEey. You're the shiftiest
Z ? y
refill on the riddy-vOo, sesl-voO-plate."
Well. what do you guess? Jarvis en-
cages Hsiney ON the spot, and an hour
later they've started for BlenmOnt,
both OF 'em actin like they thought this
was good world TO live in, after all.
Yesterday me and Sadie accepts a
/ special invite out there to dinner: and
it was worth goin' out TO get. From
start TO finish it was the finest that
ever happened. Afterwards Jarvis has
Heiney come up from the kitchen and
show himself while we drinks his good
health. And say. in his white toys and
starched linen cap, he's got the chef
on the canned goods ads lOokin' like d
| hash rustler in a beanery.
As for Jarvis. he's got the pink back
/ in his cheeks, and is hOldin his chin up
once more, and when we left in the
mJrnin' he was out bOSsin' a couple Of
| hundred lab'reTs that was takin' that
/ hin in wheelbarows and cartin it off
where it wouldn't interfere with the
| lake.
Shorty" says he, Il don't know
/ how yeu did Il, but you've made me
sane man again, and I owe you more
/ than"
"Ah, chuck it," says I. 1T was cur.
/ in Heiney that cured you"
Really" says he. Then you are
believer in homeopathic psychothera-
peutics."
! (Which 7'' saws "Sav write fl,af