The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-11-17

Recently time honored chaperon was
discussing ways and means of society
with me and among other things said:
ut a party one evening this week [
was surprised when a certain young hus-
band. who, by the way, married one of
our most popular girls, established him.
self beside me upon a sofa, sinking in
an exhausted heap. saying:
Gee! You can bill me for any sort
of part in the social drama after this
but no more ladys maid, else me to
sanatorium.'
What on earth Is the matter" said
the time honored chaperon, as she saw
him spreading his fingeres and examin-
ing them closely.
Hooks" he replied laconically.
Fish hooks or hook worm?" asked the
chaperon interestedly.
Neither replied the irate husband.
Just hooks-plain hooks-hook hooks
don't you understand? Rows of 'em.
Barbed fences of 'em, all the way up
the back and down again. By Jove,
should think the modern dressmaker would
have to be civil engineer or an expert
calculator to accomplish the feat.
AS the conversation continued tall
and most divinely fair looking appara-
ition stood before us with the proper
tons OF folded silk umbrella.
That's my wife," he stated, land
I've hooked up every one of those things
since dinner. It's like a barbed light
ming rod. 1t took me two hours by the
clock to hook and unlock that frock, and
when it is all done 1t looks like pair
of overalls or a lone feather in the
rain"
They look very chic on the right per-
son. volunteered the chaperon.
Right or wrong said the young his
band contemporary, Il gave my wife
orders tonight that she couldn't wear
hers any more. Our wedding trip was
almost ruined by just such a thing as
that After a few attempts one evening
my temper got the better of me and
/ growled out:
pad blast these hooks. Why in thun-
der didn't that dressmaker put mill
lion of EN- and be done with it? Keep
your hands down by your side, can't you?
How in blazes do you expect me to get
the thing shut if you go blowing and
puffing yourself up like a pouter pigeon?
Where in--in-where in the mischief does
this blamed thing go, any way? And now
squeeze in for heavans sake SO l can
pet II together at the waist and l hope
YOU are satisfied. I've broken two OF my
finger nails trying to put you into this
sausage case, and l am going to quit
ora 90 home. And as l said this
fell into a chair, more exhausted than
football player after game, only 10
And that my wife who was surveying
herself in the mirror was saying that 1t
was all hooked up wrong, and tnen she
began to weep"
poor thing" sighed the chaperon. L
don't blame her. What are men ior,
except to hook up frocks, tie ones shoes
and nav bills? Besides you'd better be
glad that your experience was not like
that of the man who told his wife joke
while he was hooking her up and just
as he finished the task and got to the
end of the story, she laughed vocifer-
ously and burst her frock."
"You women are such extremists any
way" said the young husband. Now,
WHY in the name of heavan do you all
have to follow the same style-wnetner II
becomes you or not?"
Gust supposed eli men dressed differ
emily" replied the chaperon. wouldn't
that produce very weird and chaotic
"Oh.. they do" said the husband. mo
two chaps ever dress exactly alike"
mo one would ever imagine such
"Tbev all look very nearly alike. But
women. while they follow the same style,
have much individuality in Dress che
averred. Now, there's your wife, for
instance. She looks very different from
the majority Of women-she has great
deal of style and always looks SO well
groomed and her clothes are put on
right" .r =,