The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-08-09
TAILOR'S SHOP IS
 SOLDIERS HOME Battle Yarns and PinocIe Are
 the Rule THE LIEUTENANT TAILOR Served Under General Funston-"No Loafine" and Even "No Credit" Signs are Evaded by His
 Faithful Corps.
THE LIEUTENANT TAILOR

From the Kansas City Times.
 Two we'll lettered signs of extraordi- nary size impress the visitor when he enters Kansas Citys celebrated military tailor shop. It Is called a military shop because the lieutenant, who is at once the sole owner and head cutter, did hon. orable service in the Philippines under no less a celebrity than Gen. Frederick Funston and no veteran of the American invasion of the Orient ever comes to town without paying a visit to mead quarters and participating in the general debate which is nearly always on.
 The military tailor shop is about 20 feet wide and has only front entrance. At the rear are the two aforesaid signs hanging from the ceiling and seeming to invite all who enter to read well and heed the warning.
 You may have guessed that one of the signs says Positively No Credit" Most everyone guesses this one right the very first time The tailor-lieutenant loves his comrades, but when one follows com mercial pursuit there must be limit to the credit line.
 It's Plain Jack, Jim or Mike There.
 But bold and large as the second sign Is, the stranger in the shop perhaps will be tempted to doubt it's sincerity when he sees from six to 15 congenial ones sitting in chairs, on work benches and leaning against the washstand or the gas stove for the companion piece to the Posi- lively No Credit sign is no less an an- nouncement than: Positively No Loaf ing.'
 The military tailor shop is remarkable in many respects. In 1t all men are free and equal regardless of whether they were born that way or not, Men of high standing in the community visit there, but if they have titles, or high sounding names, or a bank account that might induce a certain percentage of reverence they never get it. You are plain Jack, Jim or Mike in the tailor shop, and that goes for everyone.
 While there have been various reports to the contrary, it is said by no less an authority than a first sergeant of the famous Twentieth Kansas that the mo- credit rule is pretty well adhered to-. Rumor has it, however that some mar vels of technical practice have been known to get from under the regular pre- scribed rules. For instance, great many patrons change their clothes back of the handy screen. Now, if man had a suit there which had been pressed and he changed 1t right on the spot would 1t not be possible for him to leave the old suit as a guarantee that he would pay for the pressing and repairs on Suit No. [? The argument seems sound, although, as it has been pointed out many times. there is danger that some interruptions person might execute the endless chain racket with this sort of leniency, and if the tailor were not careful he would find himself pressing two suits of clothes out of business without materially fattening his bank account
 An Exodus on Rush Days. One of the features of the shop Is a large tin bucket. At a saloon short distance from the tailor shop there Is a bartender who will fill 1t for 10 cents What he fills 1t with is nobody's business Suffice to say, patrons of the tailor shor are always well satisfied when they see the can coming back.
 For long time some mystery attached to the sign mo loafing," but this mystery was cleared one day when the lieutenant explained that it was not intended for onyone who is out of work. There are times, though, when a temporary exodus is nightly appreciated by the lieutenant These oc ,asions are on rush days, when he and his two assistants require lit tie space in which to work. The exodus Is always led up to in skillful manner and no one Is ever offended
 "Where is that spool of thread?" the lieutenant will ask.
 Investigation discloses the fact that Corporal Smudge is sitting upon 1t.
 ''Would Sergeant Snyde kindly lean away from the gas stove2"
 Sergeant Snyde leans away.
 few questions like these and the crowd fades away-for a few minutes.
 Nothing Worse Than Pnocfe. The law is never violated in the military tailor shop unless the verbal slaughter of millions of Filipinos can be counted a violation. The nearest thing to an ir-eg- ularity is the poker game, but as it is played with pinocle deck, with the price
 1aA ,fx, Jf..tk and friendliness of the sport Is easily ap- parent.
 Stories of the fearful battles in the Philippines are frequent. one of the best of these being High Private Snoozle's s version of a reconnoitering party that failed. The men were In the trenches and .t was estimated that the enemy was about 400 yards away. Between the American and Filipino lines there were rice fields To the-left some yards away there was thicket. The lieutenant, ac- cording to High Private Snoozle, took seven men toward the thicket for the purpose of determining the enemy's exact position. They forded the rice fields and were Just entering the thicket when about 100 of the enemy, who were much closer than the laws of convenience would allow, began target practice. with the reconnoitering party as the bulls eye.
 When the shooting began the men in the trenches held their watches so that the exact time of the retreat would be known definitely. This act on the part of the soldiers was unnecessary, as High Private Snoozle and Color Sergeant Dubb are supported by the entire regiment in the statement that the reconnoiterers got from the thicket. over the rice fields and back into the trenches in 0, fiat.
 ----~--~-~---~------~---- their fellow beings of liberty. The situa- tion unquestionably is not ideal.
 Meanwhile reformers and thoughtful people write papers and deliver addresses. They show how the figures of criminal convictions mount with every industrial depression and trace cause and effect They deplore the congested condition of our cities and explain the necessity of the worker getting back to the country and the land. They criticise the arrange ments of our city and county jails, in which the innocent the juvenile and the first offender are herded cheek by jowl with the hardened criminal, the chronic inn al dOtaap1