The Republican journal., 1909-12-30

Good Things from NV, rybody's.
THE SYMPHONIC SHIRT AND THE DoTTY
SOLO.
The musical young woman who drop
ped her peekaboo waist IN the piano play
er and turned out Beethoven sonata,
has her equal in the lady who stood in
front of a tive-bar fence and sang all the
dots on her veil.
TRUTH is "SASSIER" THAN FICTION.
Most Southerners are gallant. An ex-
cepticn is the Georgian who gave his son
this advice:
'My boy, never run after woman or
a street car-there will be another one
along in minute or two
AN ERROR IN TEAM WORK.
Edith, aged six, had just been inform
ed that twin boys had been added to the
family.
That's funny" she unused. "Ethel
and | both prayed for a baby brother,
but we thought it was the same one"
WHAR WUZ YE?
He was an old darby. He wore nc
overcoat, and the Icy wind twisted his
tbreadbare clothes about his shriveleC
body.
Wind" he demanded whimsically
"whar wuz you dis time las July?"
HOUSEHOLD REMEDIES.
A little fellow rushed breathlessly into
a drug store.
please, sir, some liniment and some
cement!"s
WHAT asked the puzzled clerk
whats the trouble?"
MAN hit pop on the head with ;
plate.
ANOTHER MONOPOLY HEARD FROM.
where's that bird dog you used tt
have?"
ooh, the milliner down the street com
planned that he kept her customers away
by obstructing the sidewalk. -
Constructing the sidewalk"
eyes. You see he spent all his time
down there pointing the birds in the win
dow"
BET HE CALLED EN- PANTS IN THosI
DAYS.
Homer Davenport, the cartoonist
played in brass band many years ago
He was unable to be on hand when tn,
uniforms came, and had to put up will
what was left.
1.-The coat wasn't so bad" says Mr.
Davenport, "but the trousers Honest,
had to take two steps to make those
trousers go one!"
DU DIABLE.
please, your Satanic Majesty,
begged a lost soul who was fishing from
the banks of boiling lake, cant tr!
my luck somewhere else? I've been fish
ing from this blamed place for the las
hundred years and haven't had bite
yet"
That's the hell of it, explained hi
Satanic Majesty.
FAIR, FAT AND TIDE-Y.
A Kansan sat on the beach at Atlantic
City watching a fair and very fat bathel
disporting herself in the surf. He knew
nothing of tides, and he did not notice
that each succeeding wave came little
closer to his feet. At last an extra big
wave washed over his shoe tops.
Hey, theren' he yelled at the fair
fat bather. Quit yer jumpin' up ant
down. Dye want to drown me?''
TooLY LURAL.
''How far is it between these two
towns?" asked the lawyer.
about four miles as the flow cries, ,
replied the witness.
''You mean as the cry flows"
No." put in the Judge, ''he means az
the fly crows
And they all looked at each other, feel
ing that something was wrong.
A SHAPELY COMPLIMENT.
The late Chief Justice Chase was not
ed for his gallantry. While on visit tt
the South, shortly after the war, he wax
introduced to a very beautiful woman
who prided herself upon her devotion tt
the ''lost cause" Anxious that the
chief justice should know her sentiments
she remarked, as she gave him her hand
Mr.. Chase, you see before you rebe
who has not been reconstructed.
Madam he replied with a profound
bow, reconstruction in your case would
be blasphemous.
WHAT EVERY WOMAN KNOWS.
There was company at dinner, ane
Father was carving his prettiest on ;
fine roast. Suddenly, though, the knife
struck skewer, made sliding upward
motion, and came out on top. Father
attempted to cover his real feelings with
insipid jests about the indigestibility o,
roasted hard wood, the inadvisability Of
a butchers running wood yard, ant
the like. There was an embarrassing
silence Willie took advantage of it.