davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-05-16
The Hotel Clerk on the Latest Literary Invasion

fresh crop of discoveries touching on un-
pretty doings among the elect or the re-
elected of the nation.
'And then, all of sudden. change
came over the spirit Of their nightmares.
think maybe twas Uncle John D.
Rockefeller. that dear old man with the
de-natured memory and the smile like
somebody drawing dirk knife, who
started 'em of on the new track He
got tired of spreading the sweetness
and the highland the salve-by word of
mouth from the witness stand and the
second bunker. So one day he sat down
in his quiet library amid rows of shelves
lined with bound reports of the interstate
commerce commission, appropriately au-
tographed with the compliments of the
authors and began a series of magazine
articles that attracted attention in the
leading literary circles Of Wall street
almost instantly. 1t seemed to me that
Edgar Allan Poe had more imagination:
but then Poe lived more or less reck-
less life, and when it came to amassing
a comfortable competency Rockefeller
had him whipped to a battenberg edg
ing. So / guess well have to give 1t tc
Uncle John u. for literary excellence.
"And now, by heavens, there's a flood
of them. Hartman is turning out dainty
little conceits on train wrecking as an
indoor sport and Rogers has burst forth,
the libraries, is furnishing the material
to fill them Carnegie started in to fol-
low the pursuit Of letters and the first
one he caught up with was the upper
case T. and he's been keeping steady
company with it ever since. And now
every time he writes down that adorable
capital they do say he has to let his YES.
out triie to keep it from pinching him
under the arms. We used to wonder
what we'd do with our ex-Presidents. We
know now. The maga zines have showed
us the way. and it seems to be the easies.
way
X
Conceive the situation, ] ask you.
Larry The lofty or loftbrowed magazine
editor sits at his desk so filled with q
sense of the dignity Of his calling that it
gives him a drawn feeling across his
chest In comes his assistant for con-
ference before putting the next issue to
press. Well says the editor in chief.
1t looks like a big number. The first
batch Of that dollar word stuff came in.
collect, from Africa, and we also have
the last installment of the Rockefeller
early "reminiscences, entitled Thrilling
Adventures of Boy Baptist Our pres
ent. pleasant President has come across
with positively the last word on the Pan
anna canal, preceded by about nine thou
sand other words. done in the sprightly
Evening star., 1909-05-16
By Irwin S. Cobb.

F L f l. sorry fo-
those poor fellows
that make a living
writing special ar
ticles for the maga-
zines" sal d the
Hotel Clerk.
Sure, why should
you?" ask ed [ n q
House Detective of
[ h e St. Reckless
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Famous Stream That Has Been I'm
mortalized for Centuries in Song
and Story.

The river Seine. flowing through
the city :cr six miles. is a highway,
with its bateauX moucheS. its bridges
and its Quays.
OF a dark night. the Seine may
seem TO iugubrious fancy. the SYM
boil Of death in the city's life abound
ing: murky death and inky crimes.
oozy and silent wickedness. Yet nor
mally, even perhaps to suicides, the
Seine is but the mirror Of a city's
mood. There are lights everywhere
lights heightened in the water; the
Louvre and the Cocciergerie. shown in
the stream, are things fairer than
their originals. 1t is better to look
upon the eddying reflections OF the
bridges here than to stand in the
Place de "a Concorde, bright with its
orange lamps in honor of. An auto
show: the lights on the Seine and its
images are more alluring, mere in.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Trad Bielo,u's Musical Boots
sv HUGH PENDExTER.

IF loyalty is in question l must
STAY" firmly decided Trad.
Now you talk like true relation.
indorsed Edgar. warmly. And what
about them boots?"
This country alone. I've fggered.
spends twenty millions each year.
Lawd knows what other countries
spend. With the Musical Boots each
man is his own band. We drive the
bands, Orchestras. planners and fid-
dies from business and take all their
, profits. Let 20 soldiers in each COM
pany of regiment wear my boots and
no band is needed. The foreign
Gould we make children's shoes
the same way" demanded Edgar. his
mouth watering.
Just what l was going to say.
heartily cried Trad. Every school
child will wear EN-. Twenty million
school children. say. By Judas. Think
| Of $4,000. 900 profit in that one item
| alone. 'Thumbkins says: I'll dance.
| prattles the little enc. and the tiny
! heels furnishes the music. Tramp,
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

he knows how to cipher. Then what
would he find? He'd see set before
him, in figgers that wouldn't lie. the
to him rather astoundin' fact that IN
slouchin' along after that pillow across
the field them 42O times he would
walk about as nigh to is miles and
a half as multiplication and division
could bring it, with the sun cuttin'
into him for all it's worth, just like
it's doin' now. to say nothin' o the
wear and tear on his lungs howlin'
at the bosses. as you hear him now.
Now, then. II he should by any
miracle stumble on to the unravellin'
o. the mystery of a real honest days
plowin' like that, do you s'pose that
when he quit work tonight he'd jog
along home as clipper as cricket.
put up and care for his bosses. milk
half q dozen cows. and do up a lot
o. more chores around the premises.
all for S12 a month and his board
after the family gifts through eatin'.
and 20 to bed feelin' thankful that he
had such a nice. easy place.
Consequently. say that it's a good
thing for the Independent farmer that
his hired help hain't got the habit o
stoppin' to think. II they had. their
number would have to be doubied,
and wages d 60 up to SIS month. v
The man on the fence took on his
hat and famed himself with it, and
looked as if he was feeling sorry
for the p!owbOy. BY and by the so
journer in these rural parts said to
him:
why don't you quietly give that
boy the tip yourself?"
The man put his hat on again, Eel,
for his tobacco box, took chew. and
replied:
well. to be consistent. you see.
can't. I'm the Independent farmer
he's wofkin' for"
Copyright. 1909. by W. G. Chapmano
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Talk concerning ones ancestry Is
always thrown away, no matter what
the attitude, of the talke". He VINO
boasts of his lineage is usually PIN
head with little other desirable equip
ment. and his descendants will be
harder to draw out on the ancestral
question. What has he done to infiu-
ence his ancestors. anyway?
Take my own case: Ny first i'm
preston of my ancestry must have
been bad My folks have frequently
told me that as soon as | had filed
my lungs with a fine deposit OF ter
ritorial czone. l Immediately SQuan-
dered the entire lot in one angry and
frankly disappointed zip about my an
cestry or something else. AS l grew
and formed more intimate ac-
quaintance with my folks. this dis
appointment increased because l did
Mt seem able to impress them prop
erly and could acquire no satisfactory
discipline over them. Still later.
when | had got good, square world
tinctured view of my childrenS most
Intimate male ancestor. l thought a
trifle more of my own parents and
less Of one parent OF my children.
Now that my own father is gone
where | shaI't see him for while.
feel myself periodically yearning 10
! apologize to him and to hand him a
convenient piece of board while l get
into position 10 receive it as OF old.
l remember once when l had made
no effort to conceal my disapprOvaI
| of him and he had vigorously applied
some hard. rectangula: truths 10 the
part of my anatomy that he had been
! forced tin view OF my uni:hab:ted
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Beauty of the Riuer Seine
Bately of Fairyland and Paris. than
the Ci,dei bOuleyardS.

nately of Fairyland and Paris. than
the Silded bOulevards.
Nor is it only in the moonlight that
the Seine has charms. The holiday
sculler finds ii paradise for miles
above the city: and there are ever
such fishermen as Maupassant's Rem
ard Lire-fshing is more than mild
sport at Paris: even to watch its devO-
tees seems to anuse yCur true Par
isian. A legend tells us that that in
The Commune days, when tie Hotel de
Vile was fred en- and a dark day
written in the city's history. the Seine
fishermen pursued their pastime i'm
perturbable. In the banlieue, the
Seine's green bank is dabbed with vii
lagos in brown and red and gray. and
one stops to watch the peasants battle
their horses in the stream itself. rub
b!ng them down soon afterwa-d by
the rivers brink.-Scribser'S Maya
zine.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

"We1l start for your cousin Free
mans at shutdown" cruelty reminded
Trad Biglow's kinsman. who resented
the old mans prolonged visit.
Trad meehly slipped his tea and meas
ured the westering sun with an anx-
ious eye Although his welcome was
long since worn out he knew the time
was not yet ripe for his going to Free
mans. Roughly estimated. he had
80 minutes in which to practice self
preservation. At the end of Il he
pushed back from the table and num-
bled i'm his whiskers: AT least $4,000
profit the first year. A million the
second"
"Drat you and your paper profits.
growled Edgar. swapping at his food
vicious!y.
In my Musical Boots. mildly re-
piled Trad. emerging from brown
study. Boots that cost 50 a pair to
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

tramp, sounds the soldier; ting-a-ling.
tinkles the child; tra-lala, MARBLES
the singer. stepping out her own &C.
compartment: dada goes the funeral
train: te-do-te-da. plays the hotel wait
er as he brings your soup. Well. Ed
gar, we can't begin our instructions
too soon. Let's lay the ground work
right now" And Trad rose and walked
nervously to the door.
instructions? Ground work." puz
zled Edgar. You mean git to max
ing shoes"
NO" corrected Trad, earnestly; 81
mean training our prospective Gus
toners in a knowledge of music SO
that when they put on our boots they
will know, being musicians"
Stop" choked Edgar. DO you
mean our customers must be must
ciaps?'
polished musicians before they car
make the boots work." assured Trad
Then the boots will 60 like hot
cakes"
Time will go slow for me till
Monday" hoarsely cOnfided Edgar
making for the barn.
Copyright. 1903. by W. G. Chapman)
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Ones Ancestry
Ry STRICKLAND w. GILLIAN.

skulD to believe contained whatever
brains l might have at that stage OF
my calfhood, he took a deep breath
and said:
"Son, you seem right disappointed
with your folks. It's mutual, my boy,
mighty mutual. But your feeling
ought to be less bitter than your
mothers and mine, as yours is en-
tirely free from any sense of respon-
sibili:y in the matter of your exis-
tence. Sometimes when l watch your
capers and think that maybe l was
some that way at your age, l am
paralyzed at the stubborn merciful-
ness of Providence. You foxily post
poned your birth till your earlier and
more impatient ancestors had called
for their time and quit the job, SO all
your pent-up spite at your ancestry
has to be taken out on me. If they
had foreseen you, they'd have died
more willingly. Also, l won't get to
meet. if l can avoid it, many of my
descendants, and I've got to antici-
pate their need of punishment, in you.
You've been elected. in other words.
to represent Posterity local union No.
,. ard l. as the delegate of FOrbears
council No. 2SS, in this arbitration
conference. Are you ready now to re-
sumo the session under the head of
unfinished business"
As he spoke he spat on his heart
line and took a fresh clutch on the
cask-segment with which he had been
clarifying my vision: and l voted to
adjourn, with his conditional concur
renee, the convention to be subject to
reconvening on his call
Copyright. 1909. by W. G. Chapman)
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Elizabeth A0ajn.


Local EIks are having a lot of fun
with a 'Iember of their lodge. a Fiji.
teenth S, -eet jeweler. says the Denver
Post. The other day his wife was in
the jewelry store when the phone
rang. Sac answered it.
Il want to speak to Mr.. H. said
wo:nan's voice.
Who is th;s?" demanded the Jewel.
er's wife
Elizabeth"
Well. Elizabeth. this is his wife.
Now. madam. what do you want?'
Il want to speak to Mr.. H.
You'll talk to me-"
Please let me speak to Mr.. H"
The jewelers. wife grew angry.
Look here. young lady" she said,
who are you that calls my husband
and insists on talking to him."
I'm the telephone operator at Eliza
BETH" came the reply.
And now the Elks take turns calling
the jeweler up and telling him its
Elizabeth.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

make and sell for SO. Just s. profit.
OF course the standing armies of the
world would be our biggest consum-
ers. Well. l guess it's high time We
WAS hitckicg up"
Edgar pashed back his plate and bit
his lip. Does Freeman know about
these boots?" he finally asked.
Only in a general way. l am to
explain the true inwardness of EN-
to him tonight" said Trad. rising.
Planned it all up. eh?" echoed Ed
gar. You're pretty cousin. you
be. Wonder you wait to eat supper.
Thought You was to stay till Mon
day"
Irad's eyes glistened, but his tone
was Indifferent as he replied: I'm
afraid he won't like it, I've disap'
pointed him before"
What about me- cried Edgar
Don't l count? If you had an ounce
of loyalty you'd agree to stay till
Monday"
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Merry Moments
With Hul1loriists
Job for the Uplifers
BY Ed. MOTT.

the young Teller doin' the plowin'
don't know it," said he. They're all
alike, for a matter O. that. though"
Its a good thing. say" the man
on the fence continued. Its good
thing for the Independent farmer that
his hired help has never got in the
habit O. stoppin' to think"
"Ah?" said the sojOurner. "How Is
that"
"How's that" responded the rural
citizen. well. it's somethin' like
this: Take that boy. for instance.
He'll answer for 'em all. He left a
farmer. by the way, that he was work
in for because the farmer made him
walk five miles to do an errand for
him.
While he's workin' along there
he's wonderin' how any man could
be so hard to a young Teller like him
as to expect him to walk five miles
on hot summers day. Now, spose
he should. by some sudden inspira-
ton or other. look back over the
space O. ground he has plowed, and
should stop to think minute. And
, then s'pose he took to cOuntin' them
burrows. and then to pacin' out the
ZENITH of EN-? What would he learn?
Why, he'd learn that each one o
them burrows vas 210 feet long, and
| that before he got his days WORK
done he would have to jog back and
forth across the field 420 times. When
that fact had worked its way under
his hat. s'pose he should be moved to
pick up a fat stone-and l guess ne
knows by this time that he kin md
plenty of 'em in that lot as he pioWs-
s'pose he should pick up fat stone
and do little cipheri4' on it. admit
| tin. for the sake of the argument. that
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

and the kidney action improved right
away. Large quantities of sediment
and stony particles passed from me.
and finally the stone itself. part dis
solved, but still as big as a pea. With
it disappeared all symptoms of dizzi-
ness, rheumatism and headaches. !
have gained about so pounds since and
feel well and hearty"
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents box.
Foster-Milburn Co.. Buffalo. N. Y.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Until Cuticura Cured Him.

II was troubled with a severe itch.
ing and dry, scrufy skin on my ankles,
feet, arms and scalp. Scratching made
1t worse. Thousands of small red PIN
pies formed and these caused intense
itching. I was advised to go to the
hospital for diseases of the skin. I did
so. the chief surgeon saying: Inever
saw such a bad case Of eczema" But I
got little or no relief. Then tried many
so-called remedies. but I became SO
bad that I almost gave up in despair.
After suffering agonies for twelve
months, I was relieved Of the almost
unbearable itching after two or three
applications of Cuticura Ointment.
continued its use. combined with Cuti-
cura Soap and Pills, and I was COM
pletely cured. Henry Searle. Little
Rock, Ark, Oct. and 10. 1907"
Potter Drug 4 Chem. Corp Sole Props, Boston.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

chip hat was turned up behind. A So
journer in those rural parts paused in
his walk about and leaned on the fence
near the Nan.
That must be Rot and hresOme
work" said he to the man, referring
to the blowing.
The man admitted that it was. But
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
A Friendly Pointer.

what" asked Arizona AL, when the
new editor had taken charge Of The
Daily Rattlesnake. rs goin' to be your
policy?"
my policy. my friend. is going to
be to tell the truth according to my
lights, and let the chips fall where
they may"
stranger, that's good policy. but
be sure before you 60 to press that
you've got your lights adjusted to suit
all parties. This is bad place for
people that gifts the wrong focus"
All pleasure must be bought at the
price of pain. For the true the price
Is paid before you enjoy it; for the
false after you enjoy it-FOster.
Lewis Single Binder made of extra quail
ity tobacco. costs more than other &c
cigars. Tell the dealer you want them.
Marriage will change a mans views
quicker than anything else.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

A stubby chunk Of young farm
hand was following plow steadily
across the field. 1t was hot day. A
lean man with long whiskers and no
coat sat On the top rail Of the fence.
in the cool shade of a big tree. His
trousers were in his boots and his
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

! on for stone in the
kidney but not cured
and some time after
was feeling so bad
that I knew there
must be another
stone that would
have to be cut out.
1 decided to try
DOan'S kidney Pills
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
RabbjnjcaI VIZ.

An English rabbi was asked II there
was any weighty reason against hav-
ing q clock in the synagogue. by no
MEANS" was the reply. Have your
clock. but put 1t outside the building.
and then you can tell how late you
come to the service" Two rabbis
were passing the beautiful synagogue
In which one of them officiated. How
l envy you!" said the first. You
must be In paradise" Hold.
friend" the second explained. IN
the original paradise there was only
one serpent. but in this congregation
are many of them"
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
ACCOUNTING ITCHING.

Eczema for q Year-Got No Relief
Even at Skin Hospital-ln Despair
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Lewis Single Binder straight 5c-Many
smokers prefer them to l0c cigars.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
4 Rare Good Thing.

"Am using ALIENS FOOT-EASE. and
ran truly say l would not have been with
out it so long had l known the relief it
would give my aching feet. l think it a
rare good thing for anyone having sore
or tired feet.-Mrs. Matilda HOltwert.
Providence. r. l." Sold by all Druggists,
25c. Ask to-day.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Extravaaanee.

Some mems idea of extravaganza is
putting On clean shirt Saturday.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

For Red. Weak, Weary. Watery Eyes.
Compounded by Experienced Physicians.
Conforms to the Pure Food and Drugs
Law, Murine Doesn't Smart. SOOthes Eye
Pain. Try Murine for Your Eyes.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Flash liohts

From the way the women cleaned
up, it appears to have been a political
wash dag.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Pride sometimes has to 60 before
people fall in love.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

When lawbreakers become law
makers they will naturally make laws
that are easy.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Mrs. WinsloW's Soothing Syrup.
For children tecthng. softens the gums, reduces IN
namnasion, slsys pain, wind collie sc bottle
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Many a mans boosted bravery has
gone lame when his wife suggested
that he visit the kitchen and fire the
cook.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
GOT TO THE CAUSE
And Then All Symptoms Of Kidney
Trouble Vanished.

C. j. Hammonds, SIT S. Hill St., Fort
Scott, Kansas, says: 81 was operated
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

When a woman doesn't have her
say It is because she is dumb.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
WOMAN'S WORTH.

WifeyI see by this paper that a
man in America sold his wife for
shilling.
Hubby-Well, if she was a good
one she was worth it.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

To prevent that tired feeling or
ironing day-Use Defiance Starch
saves time-saves labor-sayes annoy
asce, will net stick to the iron. The
big 16 OF. package for 10c, at yesr
grCeer's.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Precocious.

Smill Girl-Why doesn't baby talk.
father?
Father-He can't talk yet, dear.
Young babies never Go.
Small Girl-Oh, yes they do. Job
did. Nurse read to me out of the
Bible how Job cursed the day he was
bOrE.-Tit-Bits
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Certainly Not.

Certainly Not.
Hewitt-It isn't fair on the face Of
T.
Jewitt-What isn't?
Hewitt-A brunette. "
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

A cold on the lungs doesn't usually
amount to much. but it invariably pre-
cedes pneumonia and consumption. Ham
once will break up a cold in night.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Stuck.

Stuck.
Gunner-Why in the world do tho
fellows around this club allude to old
Foggman as "Mr Automobile?" He's
not swift, Is he?
Guyer-Just the opposite. It's q po-
lite way of calling him old stick in
the Mud"
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Sheer white goods, in fact, any fine
wash goods when new, owe much Of
their attractiveness to the way they
are laundered, this being done in a
manner to enhance their textile beau
ty. Home laundering would be equal
ly satisfactory If proper attention was
given to starching. the first essential
being good Starch, which has sufficient
strength to stiffen, without thickening
the goods. Try Defiance Starch and
you will be pleasantly surprised at the
improved appearance of your work.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Ase . Chick with Bio Eyes.

A trainman II telling an incident
that occurred on . Mohawk & Malone
train up in the woods the other day.
The train was standing on a siding
waiting the arrival and passing of an
other train when an Italian walked
through the coach, his hands crossed
on his stomach and his head wasging
from side to side in a doleful manner.
Whats the matter. John?" some
one inquired.
"Oh, me sick-me sick as dew" re-
piled the man, rolling his head still
more distressingly and continuing the
rubbing of his stomach.
sick? Well. what you been eat
ing?' asked the sympathetic passen.
ger.
"Eata de chick with the big eyes"
responded John, as his groans in
creased.
John had killed an owl the night
before and it didn't agree with him.
Utica Observer
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

With a smooth iron and Defiance
Starch, you can launder your shirt
waist just as well at home as the
steam laundry can: it will have the
proper stiffness and finish, there will
be less wear and tear of the goods.
and it will be a positive pleasure to
use a Starch that does not stick to the
iron.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

w. N. u, OMAHA, NO. 25-1sos.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16

Marriage will change a mans views
quicker than anything else.
The Columbus journal., 1909-06-16
Lack Means to Fiaht tuberculosis.

Iack MeanS 70 F19nt SuDeTcuIoSsS.
Homer Folks of New York city re-
Gently stated before the National asso-
citation for the Study and Prevention
United States at the present time 75.-
900 cases of tuberculosis in advanced
stages of the disease. every one OF
whom should be isolated in hospitals.
but there are at the present time not
anything like enough hospital beds for
these cases in the country.