Los Angeles herald., 1909-03-11
SLEUTHS AND sLEUTHETTES
MAKE TOUR OF PlTTsBURG
Time, ouicklime and Spirit Of Prayer
Work Wonders OF Regenera-
ton In Smoky Town

From the Duquesne club to SKUNK
Hollow there was genuine reJoieihs
TODAY among all Pittsburgers with a
grain of civic pride in their bosoms.
The Pittsburg Survey of the Charlty
Organization society of New YORK., a
detail of sociological sharps headed Dy
Paul u. Kellogg which has been work.
ing here for upward of two years try
ing to differentiate Pittsburg from q
large portion of Russian caviar, mace
it's report.
Everybody felt better at once. There
was more succulence In the homegrown
highball, a sweeter flavor to the mean
est tub of suds. Gentlemen paradlng
Fifth avenue smiled noticeably, ana
Slovaks hitting it for home from the
steel mills appeared unusually cheertul
If it had been possible to penetrate the
disguise of any one of the New YORK
investigators a committee of promi-
nent citizens would have captured him,
wined him and dined him. There was
a pronounced feeling all over the great
er city that Pittsburg has a great deal
to be thankful for.
Hastily running over the report OF the
survey one grasped the idea almost IN
stantly that in 300 -'Nars or so-per-
haps a little less on account of the
absorption of MISUNDERSTANDING viii
be as proud and beautiful as Muskrat.
Wyo. Time, quicklime, frequent appli-
cations of peroxide of hydrogen and a
spirit of prayer would do good deal,
it was gathered more particularly II
the suggestions put forward by the
members of the survey were carefully
followed. The abolition of gray spats
over tan shoes, elimination of the hor-
rid practice of icing claret, pink teas
followed by light repast and auction
bridge for the mill hands on alternate
Mondays would help nightly.
AS it stands now. the survey reports.
the aldermen are about as intelligent,
efficient and incorruptible as a flock OF
wiretappers after a tough season; the
sanitary system is almost as good as
Constantinople's: the condition of the
streets is absolutely disgraceful: many
parts of the city are as shabby as an
uncombed immigrant; an intelligent
setter dog would turn his back on most
of the tenement houses the transpor-
tation lines are all on the fritz; the
schools are rather superior to the ten
ements, though more crowded, and the
builders have about as much of an idea
of intelligent architecture as mud
turtle of advanced age. outside of
these things Pittsburg is all right
The survey has been examining the
city under a microscope for long time
and the members. travelling about in
conspicuously in large vermilion auto
mobiles, so that the citizens would not
take alarm and pretend to be better
than they were, have put in hard licks.
Mr.. Kellogg, who is managing editor
of Charities and the Commons. which
grabs off all the beats about the bet
terment and uplight of the world, was
chief seuth and boss summer. Then
there was Charles Mulford Rob-
inson. who surrounds all the
known information about how
to make city beautiful: John p.
fer and absorbed all there was to soak
up about the iniquity of the street car
system H. " Blaxter and Allen H.
Kerr. who trailed the cooney alderman
to his lair and studied the animal; F.
Elisabeth Crowell and Emily Dinwid-
die, who fed Jumps of sugar to the
Slav and learned how he lived; Flor
ence Larrabee baltimore. the last word
in civic pride ideals: w. w. Ashe. Rob
ert A. Woods and others--all members
of the You're 1t club. Their gloomy
findings-with here and there para
graph of hope--have been incorporated
in something more than 100 pages of
nicely printed paper, illustrated with
interesting pictures of tenement back
yards, fog. the Slav at work and play,
cross sections of a billet of pig iron.
f1ocks of typhoid fever germs peacefully
grazing on the banks of the Ohio, low
persons who cling to their booze and
chortle at the notion of betterment and
half-tone cuts of SCOT in a high state of
excitement.
Mr.. Kellogg found that the common
tongue of Pittsburg is Slavic, except
in few redoubtable spots where Eng
lish still holds up her head stubbornly.
He was amazed that nobody seemed
to care how many people were killed
by accident or disease or stop to figure
how wickedness could be swatted ia
death. Robert A. Woods, taking a
more cheerful view. estimated that
Pittsbure was getting better. He found
after diligent search an art gallery
which contained recognizable speci-
mems of painting, sculpture and archi-
lecture, and he located museum, sew
eral Carnegie libraries ands a music
hall Charles Mulford Robinson
thought there must be architecture
somewhere around town that a fellow
could see if the smoke would only lift
once in a while. He was positive that
there was a lot of natural beauty un-
der that smoke pail. A good deal might
be accomplished by tearing down the
city and rebuilding it, Mr.. Robinson
hazarded. Mr.. Robinson didn't think
much of the East End, where money
lives. Mr. Ashe suggested that groves
of trees might be planted around the
city to keep the Ohio from wetting
down Pittsburg once or twice a year
John P. Fox discovered that the street
car companies have invented ways OF
sqeezng people into their cars that
would drive the receiver of the New
York line wild with envy. Messrs
Blaxter and Kerr found the aldermen
greedy and of extraordinary bonehead-
edness. Miss Crowell and Miss Din
widdie exclaimed upon the horrors OF
the tenements. Pigs would scorn them
both sleuthettes were positive Miss
Dinwiddie didn't believe that Tits
I burg knew enough to wash her own
face. Frequently she found goats liv-
ing in the parlor; on one occasion a
COW.
But the town feels bitter. there is nc
doubt of that Bad as things are. n
worse picture might have been painted
There is ground for belief that neither
Robert Hunter nor James Bronson
Reynolds, the celebrated meat sleuth
was q member of the survey.-New
York Sun.
THE SURGEON OF WALL STREET
Time was when lawyer was law
yer. Now he starts as lawyer and as
soon as possible develops into a pro-
moter, diplomat and high financier. Mr.
CrOn1 we'll ic still duhhed LAWYER hIlt