The National tribune., 1909-01-28
EULoGnnEEs.
Those Pronounced In Congress In the
Nature of a Farce-6oma Hoetry Quot.
ed, and Some LudiercJ. l1istakes,

Those Pronounced In 3Conrrsss 4, <h.
Nature of Farce-soma Poetry ouot-
ed, and Some Ludieress laistakes.
One should not jest on really solemn
things, but, really. without Intending TO
perpetrate a joke, the ;eulogies on dead
and gone statesmen are rich. AWAY
back in the Dark Ages the House and
Senate began doing the eulogy bust
ness. about the time, In all oproba bility,
that they began the erection Of chimney
pot marble monuments in the Com
gfessional Cemetery, where lit was sup
posed that all the dead statesmen would
clamor (before they were dead) to be
buried. They (the Government) put
up about 100 of the awful things ali in
long, gloomy rows, with appropriate
inscriptions. all reading almost exactly
the some, with the change Of the name
only, and then It got to be such q
buried under the cenotaphs that the
custom was stopped, but the monI.
ments still stand. They cost about $260
each, too.
It looks as tho the eulogies might
stop. too, but they don't. Sometimes
business will shove of the eulogy busi-
ness for months; indeed, some of the
more inconsequential men are actually
forgotten before eulogy day finally ar
In the memory closets Of your alleged
brain to find the place that the man
fitted in in that big white house on the
hill. 1t used to be the custom to take
an afternoon during the week for these
euiogies, but business finally showed 1t
over to Sunday. That makes it worse
farce than before, for while the House
used to empty mighty quick when the
hour for eulogies arrived, there would
ALWAYS q q h,rn
scattered around among the seats. You
can have no idea how lonesome those
eulogizers do look in that tremendous
big room, with a handful Of them hud-
died in one little spot about the Speak
er (pro tempore), for you can Just
guess the Speaker Of the House has
other fish to fry at such time. In the
and their friends, II the poor man has
any in Washington, gather and strain
their ears in the wandering echoes to
make out what the eulogizer Is mur-
muring about. The eulogy voice is the
limit in righteousness. 1t must be
deep, and 1t must be pathetic, and It
must be lifeless. and 1t must be soulful
and fearful. Now, IL you can get that
combination fixed and mixed In your
mind you will have some idea Of what
the "eulogy" voice Is.
Senator Redfeld Proctor died some
months ago. Just when or what took
him untimely from his work only one
of the eulogies in the House indicate.
Senator Proctor was a stately, austere,
unsmiling Vermonter, successful busi-
ness man, statesman OF undoubted
integrity and of unsullied honor, but
there was nothing metsoric in his ca
reer. Indeed, he rarely spoke, and his
name is connected with nothing of un-
usual note or achievement. But he
must be eulosized. Not dozen people
up to the Capitol on Sunday,
Jan. 10, to listen to the eulogies, altho
his hospitality had been generous and
genuine. and thousands ought to have
mourned at least a little year for the
man who had been good to them. Six
men spoke in eulogy. and the rest Of
them asked leave to print. Holy smoke,
just think of that! Would not even
take time to speak their eulogies. but
Will dictate them to q stenographer,
and they will appear in good shape in
the elegantly bound book of eulogies
which will cost the Government about
$4,000 to put out and which nobody on
earth but immediate members Of the
those members OF the House who are
looking UP poetry TO quote or fine,
mootfily-rounded sentence.
In the eulogies you must aiways sling
in lots Of poetry. Shakspere especially.
You know. the Bsfd of Avon touched
arly long on statesmen, lords and la
lies and the like.
This is the state Of man, to-day he
puts forth,
The tender leaves of hope"
You know the rest of Wolsey's great
.tunt when he discovered that he had
aid straw too much on the load. You
will find 1t in almost every eulogy.
some of them quote Gospel Hymn
verses, and you wonder where on earth
hey rooted them out.
"oh. for the touch Of vanished
hand"
Is yet another favorite, and, really, 1t
makes one smile to find Representa-
i've quoting this anent Senator Proc
:or's passing away.
And somebody quoted Alice Carsy's-l
I'm nearer my home to-day
Than ever I've been before"
Exquisite sentiment, but you just
listen to 1t on the floor or from the
sounds as wierd as the witch's ihcan-
tation.
There were other poetic selections,
some of them deep, like Browning. and
keep you guessing, and some almost
lifting in their lightness.
When Representative Grow passed
away everybody wanted to get his name
into the eulogy book, because that vol
ume, very handsomely gotten up, looks
well on the parlor table, and to those
who do not know, out in Libertyville,
or Grow Hollow, 1t looks very big
thing, and so some statesmen can make
political capital that way. They get a
few hundred of the eulogies and send
them among their constituents, and 1t
counts. oh, yes. indeedi Well, when
they came to eulogize Mr.. Grow, some
body-his name is not essential, for he
is not now In Congress-quoted poetry
by the yard. He prattled about the lit
tie children about your knees, the sweet
wife at the window, the dear sons for
support In old age; he chortled about
the home that was blasted, the splen-
did years that ought to have been his
to live for the attractions of earth, and
simply splattered over all creation.
And, say, poor Mr.. Grow, who was a
man of Quaker simplicity, was all but
a hermit, was an old bachelor, never
had chick nor a child, had no real
home, and had outlived the allotted
span of man, anyhow. He had been
Speaker of the House long years before
this Congressman who was eulogizing
him was born. The absurdity of that
mans eulogy was what brought about
a change for the better in the fashion
Of eulogy in the House, but it could be
helped great deal vet nv emitting out