davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
. He Knew English.

81
Book learning, strictly speaking that
Is, learning solely from books leads
one into many hole. In "The Balkan
Trail" Frederick Moore tells the story
Of an Italian official Of the Ottoman
bank who had taught himself English
and was enraptured at the chance to
practice 1t on English people.
1t was with much pride that he ad-
dressed US atssupper, but we did not
recognize the language he spoke and
expressed In French our unfortunate
ignorance offforeign tongues.
".That Is your own tongue" said the
Italian, but even Of this statement we
understood not word.
He drew a pencil from his pocket
and on the back Of letter wrote:
II am speaking English
We were astounded.
Perhaps | do not pronounce cor
rectly," he wrote next. II have learned
the noble language from books"
The hilarious Englishman in our
party gave the unhappy Italian his
first real lesson at once. He took the
pencil and wrote:
always pronounce English as it is
not spelt. Spell as it is not pro-
nounced."
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
The Bite of a Rather.

The Cherokee Indians cure for the
bite of rattlesnake Is at once SO COM
mon sense and scientific as to merit a
widespread acceptance. It's common
sense lies in the fact that the victim
has or ought to have the necessary
implement always at hand, there need
not be an instant's delay, and that it is
the scientific plan goes without saying
because it carries away the poison at
once. The Indian at once, when bit
ten, drawing his knife, pinched up the
part bitten and cut it out, then, seek
ing the nearest stream, not often very
far away, plunged the leg in the run
ming water and kept it there until all
bleeding had ceased and, as my in
formant, an old man, told me, seldom
suffered any i'll effects.
Usually, as we know, no physician
can be reached or reliable remedy had
until the case is too far gone for any
effort to avail, but with knife and, If
not a running stream, water enough to
keep the wound well washed and the
blood flowing believe there would
be fewer deaths following rattlesnake
bites.-Forest and Stream.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
The Retort Aqueous,

Even In the midst Of horror there is
occasionally rift of humor. 1t is
said that at the time of the Johnstown
flood grocer to whom one Of the citi-
zens owed for an overlong time a good
sized bill for provisions while floating
along on the top Of the waters in a
raft made of two window blinds and a
skylight caught sight of his delinquent
debtor whirling around in one of the
pools of the eddying current clinging
to large hogshead.
"Ah, there you arew cried the grocer,
businesslike to the last. "Been; look
ing for you for several days. When
are you going to pay that bill?'
Cant say just now, Sands, old
man." returned the unhappy debtor.
"I'm having all can do to keep my
head above water these ."-Har-
per's Weekly
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Apartment House Life.

! know you say you can't help living
In fiat, but you could help it if you
weren't too lazy to live in the suburbs;
There Is no real home life possible
without children-not one, but two or
three-enough to keep the young moth
or too busy to make believe she be-
longs to the smart set. And apart
ments are either too small for that or
the landlords won't tolerate children
at all. And then there is no neighbor-
hood life. It's a good thing to have
gossipy neighbors. You're more apt
to be careful of the way you live.
always think Of apartment house
life as sort Of joke on socialism-a
lot Of strangers under one roof with
Just two mutual interests, a dumb
waiter shaft and an artificial palm
And I'm bound to say that I think it
Is responsible for heather race with
no children. Children mean sacrifice,
and it's sacrifice that make good men
and women.-Amelia 3. Barr in New
York World.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
The End of the Chase.

Two ladies, friends of the superin-
tendent, were visiting a hospital for
the insane. During the noon meal the
superintendent remarked that the door
Of the violent ward was being repaired
and that the guards would have to be
unusually watchful until it was fin
ished. After dinner the ladies went
for a stroll down the beautiful lane
leading up to the main building. Sud-
denly they heard footsteps as Of some
one running behind them and were
Mortified on looking around to see d.
sheveled, wild eyed man pursuing
them. One of the women quietly
stepped to the side Of the road. The
other, screaming at the top Of her
voice, ran down the road with the ma
MAC close upon her heels. At last,
spent with running and gasping with
fright, crouching in anticipation Of the
blow which she was expecting, she
waited her fate. The man, painting and
grinning, tapped her lightly on the
shoulder and said:
"Tag! You're t."-Cleveland Leader.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
a Violin For I yane.

One Of the most curious vanes to be
seen on any church In Great Britain
Is that at Great Gonerby, parish adj
Joining Grantham, In Lincolnshire.
It is In the form OF a fiddle and
a bow and is unusually large. It's
history is curious one. Many years
ago peasant resided in Great Goner-
by who eked out modest livelihood
BY performing on an old violin, which
was almost part of his life. At last
he decided to emigrate and out In the
far west prospered and became rich
man. One day he sent to the clergy
man at Great Gonerby sum suf1-
cient to build church and attached
to the gift the curious condition that
metal replica Of his old fiddle and
bow should be on the summit Of the
edtfce. The gift was accepted, and
the vane may still be seen on the
church.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
The Action of a Spinet.


! The spinet instrument was an I'M
provement upon what was known as
the clavichord, the tone Of which, al
though weak, was capable, unlike that
of the harpsichord or spinet, Of in
crease or decrease, rejecting the finest
gradations Of the touch Of the player.
In this power Of expression it was
without a rival until the piano was in
vented. The early history Of the claw
chord previous to the fifteenth century
rests in profound obscurity, but it is
said that there is one bearing the date
1920 having four octaves without the
D sharp and G. sharp notes. The spinet
was the invention of the Venetian Spi-
Meta. The action Is unique. The in
strument Is similar to small harpsf-
chord, with one string to each note
The strings are set in vibration by
points Of quilts elevated on wooden
uprights known as jacks, and the de-
pressioH of the keys causes the points
to pass upward, producing tone sim
liar to that Of harp. Springs are used
to draw the quilts back into position.
The keyboard is arranged in manner
after the present modern piano.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Her Darlinu's Desire,

my darling" said a fond mother,
who believed in appealing to children's
tender feelings instead Of Furnishing
them, 1T you are so naughty you will
grieve mamma so that she will get Ill
and have to lie in bed in a dark room
and take nasty medicine, and then she
may die and have to be taken away
out to the cemetery and be buried, and
you"-
The child had become more solemn,
but an angelic smile overspread his
face at his mothers last words, and,
throwing his arms about her neck, be
exclaimed:
"Oh, mamma, and may I sit beside
the coachman ?"-London Queen. D..
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Groomino,

Anciently man thought more highly
Of his horse than Of his womenkind.
But woman, as it CHANGED, was crafty.
"Why does he esteem his horse be.
yond his wife," she asked herself and
resolutely faced the task Of finding out
Her first answer was: ''The horse
will carry heavier load"
Her next: "The horse doesn't talk
back at him."
But neither Of these, somehow, i'm.
pressed her as being correct.
"Most likely" she declared at length,
'1t's in the grooming. Well, I'll just be
we'll groomed myself and see."
It was lucky guess, and from that
time forward woman's position rose
relatively until in our day the horse
has scarcely a look in even at the
horse show.-Puck.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Woman's SPUR.

"'The scent was excellent that frosty
morning. She walked across the field,
holding her riding skirt free Of her
patent leather boots and silver spurs "
"Spurs?" shouted the editor. "What
ais you, manT'
"Spurs?" the puzzled author repeat
ed. Don't they wear spurs nowadays?
I know they used to-
"Women never wear spurs unless
they ride astride. They wear one spur
-one only. What good would second
be, except to tear the clothesY
II see," said the other. "a natural
error, wasn't it?'
"Only natural error for an igno-
ramus. But the usual writer of sport
ing stories is an ignoramus. rarely
read sporting story but come across
some error quite as blatant as this Of
yours."-New Orleans imes-Democrat.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
A Scoon,

j John L. Toole, the famous English
comedian and practical joker, and Mr..
Justice Hawkins, who was afterward
Lord Brampton, were great friends.
They were at supper together one even
ing discussing the events of the day.
The judge incidentally mentioned that
he intended on the morrow giving the
man he had been trying fifteen years
because he deserved it.
AS Toole was leaving he blandly in
quired:
"Oh, would you mind my calling at
the newspaper offices and telling them
about that fifteen years? 1t will be a
tip for them - exclusive information,
you know-and will do me no end Of
good with the press"
"Good gracious! No, sirr' exclaimed
the judge, who took the precaution Of
accompanying Toole to his hotel and
seeing him safely to bed.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Forced Draft Realism.

allow is it that Scribbler's novels
thrill with such vital, gripping, realis-
tic portrayal Of human passions?" ask
ed banks.
"Well," said Hanks, when he gets
ready to write novel he orders gen
eral house cleaning, sends for the
plumber to fix the gas jets and for the
timer to fix the stovepipes, bids his
little daughter to stay at home to
practice five finger exercises, hires
street piano to play German, Irish and
italian national airs in front of the
house and tells his wife that her fam
lily is not as good as his own. Then he
sits and takes notes of what happens"
Brooklyn Life.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Not on the Programme.

Two stout old Germans were enjoy
Ing their pipes and placidly listening
to the strains Of the summer garden
orchestra. One of them In tipping his
chair hlck stepped on a parlor match,
which exploded with a bang.
dot vas not on the programme" he
said, turning to his companion.
''Vat vas not?'',
Ivy, dot match 4
"Vat matchT'
de match walked on
"Vell. I didn't see no match. Vat
abou.l it?"
"Vy, I walked on match, and it
went bang, and said it vas not .on the
programme
The other picked up his programme
and read It through very carefully.
II doa't see it on the programme" he
said.
'Veu, I said it vas not, on the pro-
gramnae, didn't IT.
''Vell, vat has it got to do NIT the
programme anyway Egsplain your
self. Ladies' Home Journal.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Mohanmedan Serenity.

A Mohammedan people enjoy one
great advantage over all others-they
never suffer from the anticipation Of
that which is to come, and, asa natu
raj result, they can always enjoy the
present, although only few hours
may separate them from disaster or
even from death. Their implicit be-
lief in an ordained future imparts a
dignified repose and outward calm to
all their actions. Thus, in spite Of the
trials and troubles which threatened
the state during my stay at Fee, a
smooth surface Of Interchangeable seren.
ity yelled the inner thoughts of every
individual, from the sultan to the me-
gro at his gates.-Blackwood Magazine
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Club Stories.

Two stories are told Of the time
when the Athenaeum club, while Its
clubhouse was undergoing renovation,
was Hospitality taken In by the Unit.
ed Service club.
One was of a distinguished officer
who, after vain hunt for his UNI
brella, was heard to mutter, "That
comes of letting those bishops into
the club!'
The counterblast is to the effect that
when an Athenaeum man, while his
club was still the guest of the other
asked for the librarian, the answer
was, Please, sir, he is in the dining
voom carving the roast beefw
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Thu Ara of Man

It is generally admitted by scientists
that men lived on the earth contempt
raneously with the big nosed rhinoc-
eros, which became extinct about the
beginning of the glacial period. That
period, so high an authority as the late
John Fiske assures us, probably began
not less than 100000 years ago and
came to an end $4,000 years ago. How
long man existed on the earth prior to
the glacial period we have no means
of knowing.-New York American.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
An Aneedota Of Renan,

Renan while travelling alighted at
Naples. One morning servant of the
hotel came to him and said that as she
had heard the preacher at the cathe-
dral make use Of his name many times
she would be thankful If he would
choose for her number in the lottery
about to be drawn. "If you are a
saint" said she, "the number is sure
to be good one; If you are a devil, it
will be still better" Renan smiled and
chose number, but he never knew If
the servant was lucky.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Married by Blood.

In the island Of Banquey there Is a
tribe Of Dusuns differing widely IN
language, religion and customs from
other tribes bearing that name. Mar
riages are performed in the forest In
the presence Of two families. There
Is no public gathering or feast. The
rite consists in transferring a drop Of
! blood from wooden knife in the calf
OF the mans leg to a similar cut In
the wolnan's leg. After marriage the
man takes the bride to her home,
where b resides In future as d meme
her Of thu family;
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
London Street Noises.

A hundred years or so ago no pun
ishment could have been worse than
that Of subjecting the victim to the
inferno of modern London noises If
they had then existed. Dropping wa
ter on the forehead, torturing with
tweezers, setting food before the starv-
ing culprit-out Of reach-an Of these
were exquisite and refined forms Of
horror, but they all pale before night
and day in a modern London street.
Town and Country.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Adams ApplA,

The projection in the front Of the
throat in men, denoting the position
OF the thyroid cartilage, is : styled
Adams apple" It develops rapidly
usually when the voice "breaks," be-
Ing comparatively small in both chill
dren and women. The name arose
from the tradition that when Adam
attempted to swallow the apple in
paradise it stuck in his throat, giving
rise to the swelling since seen in all
his adult male descendants.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Puzzled.

Mrs. Gaswell-Who is that man who
looked at you as if he knew your Mrs.
Highsome-He is man who has done
some professional work for me once
or twice. He's a chiropodist Mrs.
Gaswell-Chiropodist? Oh, yes; I've
heard Of them. They don't believe In
foreordination, do they ~ Chicago Tr1b-
une.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
A Great Man.

"Father," said little Rollo, "what is
a great man" ~
"a great man, my son, is one who
manages to gather about him a whole
lot Of assistants who will take the
blame for his mistakes while he gets
the credit for their good ideasr'
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
His Defense,

Cobble--You certainly have good
cook. BY the way, where do you get
your servants? Stone-From our neigh
bors. When, we hear Of a good one
among them we offer her more money
to come with us. Cobble- my
dear fellow, Is that honorable? Stone
Why not? Can you develop sense
Of honor with poor digestion Life.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Tangible Asset.

II believe I'll promote a transporta-
ton company
Land or water?'
"The latter, I think. For the former
I'd need rails and right Of way, but In
water proposition I'll have an ocean
to start with"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Beware of Oint ments for Catarrh tlatConta
.- MnrCuurvy g.F

Beware Of Oint ments for Catarrh thatcontain
Mercury
as mercury will surely destroy the sense of
smell and completely derange the whole sys-
tenn when entering it through the mucous
surfaces. Such articles should never be used
except on prescriptions from reputable ply
sicians. as the damage they do is ten fold to
Ghe GOOD you can possibly derive from them.
Halls Catarrh Cure; manufactured by f.. J.
Cheney & Co.. Toledo. O.. contains no mer-
curry. and is taken internally. acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system. In buying Halls Catarrh Cure be
sure you get the genuine. It is taken intern
ally and made in Toledo. O.. by F. J. Cheney
& Co.. Testimonials free.
! Sold by druggists. Price 75c per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Quite a Difference,

First Comedian-What's the differ
ence between beautiful young girl
and a Goldfish? Second Comedian
Give it up. First Comedian-One has
a chance to become a fall bride and
the other to become ball fried
Brooklyn Eagle.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
For Future Referenc;

'That lawyer is very tricky" said
Mr.. Cumrox. II wouldn't think Of
meeting him socially
Neither would l." answered Mr..
Dustin Stax, "but you might give me
his Office address" shington Star.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Took Him at His Word.

Gradgrind ito his employees NO
body but me is to touch that clock.
Nobody Is to begin or leave off work
except as it indicates the time. Fore
man-Yes, sir. Gradgrind (the next
day)-Why, the day is one-fourth gone
and nob0dy's at work! What does this
mean? Foreman (meekly)- You forgot
to wind the clock. sir.-London Fun.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
To What Base Uses, Etc.

One Of our State street brokers re-
ceived a note from a customer bear
ing the cryptic message, Richard ILL.,,
act I, line 1885," Turning to the pas
sage he read, "Now, by st. PAUL." and
next moment he had given the order
Boston Transcript.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Not Wholly Personal.

! A-You have used the word donkey
several times In the last ten minutes.
Am I to understand that you mean
anything Of personal nature? b.
Certainly not. There are lots Of don
keys In the world besides you.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
No Yicaa.

Nell don't suppose Mr.. Sillicus has
any vices? Belle-Vices! why. he be-
longs to a glee club, an amateur the
atrical society and writes poetry
Philadelphia Record. is
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Willing He Should Know,

Willing He Should Know.
A certain boastful man asserts that
he knows how to play on two comets
at once, and the neighbors say that
they do not object to his knowing how,
but that he had better not try to do It.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19

Superabundance.
did that manager discover any hui
NOR in your play 2"
Eyes," answered the gloomy author.
Gle said the whole thing was joke. I"
Exchange.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Useless PRAYERS.

An earnest young preacher in a re-
mote country village concluded long
and comprehensive supplication by say
ing, "And now let us pray for those
who are dwelling in the uninhabited
portions Of the earth"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
ForeteIlinq the Future.

Mrs. de Style-So your baby girl Is
three weeks old. My, how time fiesl
Mrs. Gunbusta-Yes. Just think In
thirty years from row she will be
twenty one years old.-Sphinx.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Her Chin

Dawson-The facial features plainly
indicate character and disposition. In
selecting your wife, were you governed
by her chin? Spenlow-No, but have
been ever since we married.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Her Ears In DANCER.

Susie had left her toys about the
kitchen. Mother Clicking them up)-
Susie, If you leave these things about
the kitchen again I'll box your ears and
throw them in the ash pit.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
A Correction.

your hair wants cutting badly, SIR"
said barber insinuatingly to Gus
toner.
mo, it doesn't" replied the man in
the chair. ut wants cutting nicely.
You cut it badly last time"
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Tho Best Lullabies.

The motherly woman who has raised
half dozen children can beat all the
divas that ever "dove" at singing lul-
labies that really lull. - Galveston
News
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Almost Personal.

Celestine And has Mr.. Pryor's
church such a small congregation
Hilda-Yes, indeed Every time he
says dearly beloved" you feel as IL
you had received proposal
milan.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19

None but the contemplate are ap-
prehensive Of contempt. = Rochefou-
cauld.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
Governor Carroll Inaugurated.

Des Moines, Jan. Is. Before an au-
dience composed Of members Of both
houses Of the general assembly, field
officers of the Iowa national guard,
state officials, prominent men from
every part Of Iowa and a large con-
tingent from Des Moines, B. F. Car
roll took the oath of Office and was
sworn IN as Iowa's governor
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19

The man who is always trying to
ind out what people say Of him is sell
dom happy Chicago Record-Herald.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19

Ben Franklin was the oldest signeI
Of the Declaration of Independence.
The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1909-01-19
70 CURE AcoLD N oNE.DAY.

10 CURE q COLD IN ONE DAY.
Take LAXATIVE BROMO Quinine Tablets.
Druggists refund money II it fails to cure.
EssW. GROVES SIGNATURE Is on each box. 2c5.
Amador ledger., 1909-09-03
From Our Exchanges.
Arthur Speer
Meets TrauiC Death,

While jumping from one car to an
other of moving freight train in
the Southern Pacific yards at -Four
teenth and b street late last night,
Arthur Speer, switchman, missed
his footing and dropped between two
cars, being instantly killed.
1he train was coming to a stop at
the time of the fatality and the head
OF the unfortunate switchman was
pinched between the rail and the
flange wheel. his skuIl
being fractured and his neck broken.
When picked up by Engineer Baugh-
man and the mbers of the train
Grew Speer was dead.
Coroner Gromly has charge of the
remains, and will hold an inquest.
, Speer lived at Twenty six and &
streets, and had been married but a
abort time. Sac. Union.
Deceased was a brother of w. E.
Speer of New York Ranch. He was a
native of Amador county, and left here
about three years ago for Sacramento,
where he has lived ever since. His
untimely death will be deplored by all
who knew him.