The Nezperce herald. (Nezperce, Idaho) 1900-1957, 1909-03-18
SLED
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Seems to me you look younger han
ever" why notf AS / grow older, 1
become more and more expert In avoid
ing trouble."-LIfe.
Nell-Maude has lost a good friend
In Jack Belle-Why, have they quar-
reled7 Nell-No. they are married.
Philadelphia Record
The Questioner-I hear bis wife is
a brunette, but / thought he married
a blonde The Joker-He did. but she
dyed-Houston Post
Carbohydrates all, a woman's
scream Is her greatest weapon Of de
Tense Gertrude-Undoubtedly; how
did you find 1t outs-Puck
Mistress-Brldget. It always seems TO
me that the crankiest mistresses get
the best cooks Cook-Ah, go on wild
yer blarneyl-Town Topics
Ethel-sometImes / really think So
riously OF remaining unmarried Maud
Think onlyf why. / Imagined you
worried about it-Town Topics
why. my boy did you fall in that
open coal holeT NO; Of course not
I wuz in here. an they built a pave
menf over me.---ulustrated Bits
The Boy (fervently)-YOu are the
first and only girl / ever loved. Ethel
She-Ah. what lots Of fun you have
ahead Of you. Freddy London Opin-
ion
NJ < w -
thought I was such a bright fellow
She-That's an awfully bad habit He
What Isl she-Talking to yourself
Life
Hix-I always have Dr. Emdee-
When my mother-In-law was at deaths
door be pulled her through Dix
Which way did he pull hers-St Louis
Republic
who's your ideal Of braveryr
queried the old bachelor. rs II Gem
eral Kuroki?" NO" answered the
spinster. desperately. Its a Mormon
The Taller.
You never raw a man who under
stood women" well. / knew a a
once who claimed that he did" And
did her well. he never married one"
Houston Post
Nell don't suppose Mr.. SElicus
has any vices. Belle-YIcess Why. be-
belongs to a glee club. an amateur the
atrical society. and writes poetry
Philadelphia Record
Tonsorial Expert (cutting colored
mans hair)-Rastus. your hair is just
like wool. Rastus-WeIl. yoh didn't
spect to cut silk TO fifteen cents, did
you!-Harper's Weekly.
Jim regarding damage done to
church BY nre)-Good job It wasn't .
factory. Bill. Bm-You're right. mate
Only one man put out Of work. and be
draws his money.-Punch.
The Boss-whafs that7 Office Boy
II says. you better send out and git
a half dozen boys to DO my work to-
day; I'm going TO be sick about TIRES
o'clock.-Harpcr's Bazaar.
"Yes: l am going abroad And
how are you going to orange your itin-
eraryg" "Oh. pompadour- I think
that viii be most suitable for travel
lng."-washlngton Herald
Sambo-De doctor tells me dat ter
eat six watermiliions at enc time would
sho' kin me. Rambo-An' what you
gwine do bout it, Sambo-I gwine ter
die game.-New York Tribune
Suppose women should vote What
would be the resultg- .-Oh. I don't
know" answered Mr.. Sirius Barker
p~etulantly. perhaps we'd lave hand
painted Observation-Disclosures star.
simkinsNYou say that little man
was formerly the lightweight cham
pion7 Timkins-Yes. Simkins-How
did he lose the tItles Timkins-Oh, he
didn't lose II. He merely sold his gro
Gerry and retlred.-Chicago Daily News
Customer (pointing to the hero
glyphics on his check Ills that my
name In Chlnese7 Go Long (Chiness
laundryman)-No; 'scliption- Means
'1fT ole man; ~cross-eyed; no teet-"
Customer-Er-thank you.-New York
Globe
ct suppose said the facetious stranr
ger, watching a workman spread a car
pet from the church door to the curb,
that's the high road to heaven yours
fixing there7' NO" replied the man.
athis is merely a bridal path."-Phila~
delphia Press.
Professor Stone-no the g~eologist .
thousand years or so are not counted
as any time at all. Man In the AUDI
ence-Great Scott And to think I
made a temporary loan Of ten dollars
to a man who holds such viewsE
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Mira. Exe-Good-by. I'm sorry my
husband Isn't In. I wish l knew soms
way OF keeping him at home a little
more. Mrs. wye-Let him buy a mo
tor car. Mrs. Exe-Why, he'd be out
more than ever then. Mrs wye-oh<
dear, mol Mrs. Dasher tells me her
husband bought a motor car a few
days ago, and the doctor says he won't
be out for six weeks-Illustrated Bits-