The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-01-19
DRIFTWooB
Diary of a Young Laay Amsteur, Ass
By Phil H. Armstrong.

By Phil H. Armstrong.
 wrote a posm san1s5S toSay ' entitled .rhs Twilight of Love"-bought e lovely dream of a hat. with a real ostrich plume on it-didn't pay for 1t, however, as shall probably receive y2o for the poem-it's worth it--but editors are so calloused and unappreciative these days real merit has no chance--sent 1t to Anybody's Magazine with a letter poinfs ing out It's merits sto that blockheaf editor. together with postage for its rH- : turn if unavailable--I am talking about 1 the poem not the hat--oh, 1t is beauti- ful--and l have grey swede gloves to match.--Met Jack Thornton today,
 January 12.
 Twilight of Love" returned with thanks--sent it to another magazine where hope the editor will have inte5 ligence enough to display more Judg- ment-I still have the hat though--its too cute--Jack says look charming in itzauthorship is so discouraging at times--I wonder If Mrs. Browning had as much trouble as I--I think >Jack belI=-I wonder if 1t Is a check or a let ter from Jack--oh, horrors--a bill for the hat--well. the nerve of that firmsA Jack dances diyinely. ' Again rejected-poor little Twilight of Love'--I don't care--Jack says have pretty hair@-we are to be married in the spring--hxed it up last night in the conservatory--darn the magazinea-.
 February 1. What do you think--I have just dis covered that Jacks father is soap goody--he is> going to print all my poems in lavendar ink against cream colored background on every package of his toilet soap sent out in the future and we will take up whole pages tn my poem--r-r-r-r-r-even Is sWeet-SG
 --"cordeiia Browning YOunEe" when you dine out with chorus gira remember Nuns the word. si One time a bachelor feels like am awkward geek Is when his girl whirls about suddenly and says to him: Says does my white skirt showr.
 Some people consider matrimony>sa Q means to An end. while others know that it Is an end to a means.
 We Add a Verse. What is the use of trying to dtscour- age poor fellows who are telling sucn tale of woe, Don't do It. one ok them seeing that nothing is said ot their efforts may become disheartened at the way the world treats poet and go out and get an honest" pick and shovel job or commit suicide. So please let them speak.
 Grand Thrashing Revival. / Oh, well do I remember 70
 When I was little chap
 The hand that rocked the cradle
 Later on applied the strap.
 -BirminghamAge-He Herald,
 An. we'll do I remember
 How used to squirm and twitch
 When the hand that fixed the "was
 Later on applied. the sg,tch;s @ S.,
 
 fs I have not yet forgotten.
 I only wish could.
 The hand that hit the hardesL
 Was the one that sawed the wood.
 --St Louis Times.
 Oh, well do remember
 when pa laid down the law:
 I usually saw the finish With a wallop on the Jaw.
 Toledo Blade.
 And I guess you all remember
 When green apples brought dis-
 The hand that used the slipper Applied the horseradish plaster. Houston Post.
 But the hand that hit the hardest And left the deepest traces
 Was the hand that Fapped my little with four big juicy aces Nashville TennesseaA. Nor yet have forgotten Some arms that used to cling For the hand that sports a diamond Was the hand that got my ring Montgomery Advertisef. An, well do I remember
 The day I hockey" played; When father with an elm switch My epidermis fiayed. But worse do I remembert- And say 1t with-a blush-- The hand that made impressions With the ever handy brush l --Anniston' Stan Ring off, ye punky poets, Ere we smite thee on the jaw; The palm that ought to; hit ye Is the heavy hand Of law. --Chattanooga Times
 Let the punky poets speak. Ye ranking knockers 1t does nos hurt I.,-
 For you would not be able to squeak Had you got your just deserts. | -Wathena (Kans.) Times Japan's First Census. | iqln