The Caucasian. (Clinton, N.C.) 188?-1913, 1909-04-01

Commands Respect - Meets An
other Clever Irish Policeman, and
Explains the Secrets of Prohibition
Correspondence of The Caucasian
Enterprise.
London, E. c., Mar 29.1909.
"Awl ends well that goes WELL" or
"AwI IL well that ends WELL" or sum-
how that sayin' IL that you ''blarst-
ed" Americans hev hit, fer | am
"Hinglish now, don't-cher-know?'
Yes, I'm full-blooded Englishman
now, an | am IN London, the biggest
city in the world-me an Bob. But
We air maxim ourselves at home.
We soon unloaded the cattle, an |
registered off that blasted cattleship
an we hev had time ter sorter git
rested up an look erround a little.
The reader will notis that my letter
iZ dated rite up ter this week, but,
ov course, hit wuz written several
days earlier so az ter reach you in
guide time fer publication; an then,
too, | thought they orter be some
thin fresh-lookin' erbout hit, fer
you blarsted Americans air so wretch
ed particular erbout what you read
an what you eat bein' fresh. | user
know a man in Wake County that
wouldn't read a book nor a magazine
bekase hit wuZ not printed the same
day he mite hev cared ter read hit.
But | axed him if he had heard err
bout George Washington bein' dead
an he sed mo; when did he die?"
Then | told him if he had bin a-read-
in the papers that I wuZ actin az
agent fer he would hev got awl the
particulars 500 after hit happened
Then he subscribed fer a year an
which sorter put him back in guide
standin' with me an the balance tv
mankind. But he spilled the whole
business by sayin': Yes, I've bin a
hearin' that George Washington wu2
powerful poorly an expedited ter die
every mint But they hain't bin
much passin' fer a week or two an
I've bin powerful busy an hain't DIN
anywhar ter hear anything. I reck-
on he left big family, didn't he?"
My last letter wuz written on the
cattle steamer az we cum over, an
think | sed sumthin' erbout bein' sea-
sick, an | mentioned that Bob had
escaped bein' sick up ter that time.
wuz then hopin' that Bob would prove
ter science an the balance ov man
kind that mules air proof ergainsl
sea-sickness. But hit didn't turn out
that way. He WuZ SO blessed stub
born, however, that he didn't git sea
sick till we wuz over half way acrns
the ocean. But, if they ever wuz {
suck mule that mule Bob. He rolled
: and kicked an grunted till I couldn'
hardly keep from cryin'. I went an
talked with the captain ov the steam
er an he sed he wuz sorry but the!
wuz no help fer hit. l got into thu
stall an rubbed hiz neck and side!
t an tried ter cheer him up bit. Blu
he wouldn't hardly notis me at awl
Bein' a powerful tender-hearted man
trouble several days before, I coult
| sympathize with Bob. But he WI
not sick near az long az I wu2 an
wuZ soon eatin' hay and other pro
vender. Now that Bob iz a regular
naturlaized sailor, Ex-President Roos
evelt will be tryin' harder than eve
ter buy him ter take over the waite
when he goes on that huntin' tri
through Africka But he can't gi
him. I've got a tour mapped out fe
Bob that will keep him busy fer
! guide many days, if We meet with n
\ accident.
We landed at wharf on the rive
called Thames and, ov course, hi
didn't take long ter unload the cattl
fer London hez five million ov peopl
e ter feed countin' the suburban al
r transient population, an, like the ba
lance ov us, they git hungry now al
then.
L After unloadin' we sailors wuz pal
o off, an l bid the officers gude-byt
They sed they wuz sorry I wuZ goil
ter leave them, an that had made
faithful sailor-cowboy, which mad
/ me blush. I soon led Bob out ov th
t. steamer over the gangway an wuz o
e English soil, or rocks, rather, fer the
~ is not much soil in the streets ov Lol
don. If I hadn't bin in Durham
% North Carolina, an then in Ne
I York, guess I would hev gotten lo
h rite erway in London. But I made u
my mind before started on this tr
erround the world that I'd make u:
ov the United States flag when I g,
in foreign countries an see if I coul
Z MT git erlong awl rite, an so l got
IS supply ov small flags erbout 2 by
n inches while I wuz in New York a
before l landed here l pinned one {
the lapel ov my coat. An l find TIL
they work like charm. The e
W planation il simple. Hit IL known
Ill awl civilized countries that the Unite
re States will go ter war fer the sake
~ one ov her loyal citizens, if necessar
The same liz true ov England; in fat
; we borrowed the idea from Englan
inherited hit. A man can wrap
RI ge English or United States flag e
av round hiZ body an walk through 4
=. streets ov any city in foreign Ian
even in China or Russia, an he W
ic be absolutely safe from attack, fro
es insult or anything Objectionable, II
,e less, ov course, some crazy pers
d. mite Insult or attack MIN, Wnlcn mi
happen anywhar And that liz o
reason why the English an Americ
people air so loyal to their flag