davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1909-01-14
REAL ESTATE.

Nine room Brick on south Fairfax
street, modern improvements.
Price $4,000
Terms, 5000; balance one, two, three,
and four years.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1909-01-14

Eight room Brick on north Fair.
fax street, located on wide al
ley with large brick stable in
rear containing three stalls
with separate stable lot, car
rage and wagon shed. Price $4,000
Cash, $500; balance S2s per month.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
STILL LOOKING FOR LIGHT.
Strangely Enough, English Firm Failed to Understand Letter from It's
 Japanese Agent.

An English firm, whose shipment of goods was delayed in reaching Ja- pan, received the following communi- cation from their newly-appointed Japanese agent: With regard to the matter of escaping the penalty for nondelivery of this-there is only one way to creep round same-by diplo- mat We must make a stir or strike occurring in our factory. Of course big untrue. I place my presence on inclosed form of letter and believe this will avoid the trouble of penalty of same. As MT. - is most re- ligious and competent man, also heavy upright and godly, it fears me that useless to apply for his sig nature. Please therefore attach same at Yokohama office, making forge. But no cause for fear of prison hap penings, as this often happens by merchants of high integrity But if this involves that your honor look mean and excessive awkward for business purpose, I think more bet ter little serpentlike wisdom of po- lite manhood and thus found good business edifice.'' The firm knows as much now about the delay as it did before.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
SCOUTS IDEA OF MARRIAGE.
Crusty Massachusetts Bachelor of Eighty Years Has Most Decided
 Views on the Matter

Eighty years of single blessedness is the record of Moses P Stowe, one of the oldest residents of Grafton, Mass. Not woman crosses the threshold of his cozy home
 Tt makes no difference who or what the woman is; she wouldn't get inside of this house," he says. Even wom- en peddlers create different atmos- phere when they only knock at the door.
 Marry? We'll, should say not. You don't know what that word means. Why, look at all of the men in this country who have fastened them selves to women whom they professed to love, and now want to get as far away from femininity as they can. I wouldn't marry the best woman that ever lived I tell you, they are trou- ble brewers; they always have been and always will be. -
 q had lots of girl friends when was young fellow, but when there was any chasing to be done they were the ones who did it. 1 never allowed myself to become infatuated with a girl, as I knew it would be my end"
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

about that he sought temporary asylum at the Bandalia Country club on the Fourth of July.
 His friend Maxwell approached him as he lounged on the clubhouse piazza, evidently freighted with extraordi- nary press of news.
 Captain, what do you think?" he exclaimed, excitedly. I've just come from Pebbletown. They are celebrat- ing the Fourth over there. The main event on the program is big balloon ascension. It is to come off precise ly at three o'clock, and-listen man! There is to be real wedding in the clouds! Fancy that! And the bride groom is no less parsonage than our friend, Count du Chatelet-'
 What" Marmaduke Keene Ieaped to his feet so suddenly that a camp chair went into collapse with a crash and a chatter.
 And the lady?" he demanded, sharply.
 q didn't learn her name, but sus- pect-"
 KeenA heard no more. He darted into the house and ordered his auto mobile brought to the door with all possible dispatch. Coming back he said, hurriedly: Maxwell, I'm going to Pebbletown. It's only ten-mile run. I want you to go with me. Come! think we can make it by three o'clock.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

woman, and shall recommend it as long as I live" ."-MRs. MAY FRY, Lindley, Ind.
 One of the greatest triumphs of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Con- pound is the conquering of woman's dread enemy tumor. If you have mysterious pains, inflammation, ulcera- ton or displacement, don't wait for time to confirm your fears and go through the horrors ofa hospital opera tion, but try Lydia B. Pinkham's Vege- table Compound at once.
 For thirty years Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, made from roots andherbs, hasbeenthestandard remedy for female ills, and such unquestion- able testimony as the above proves the value of this famous remedy, and should give confidence and hope to every sick woman.
 Ifyou would like special advice about your case write a cOnfiden- tial letter to Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass. Her advice is frees and always helpful.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Escape Nicely Timed.

A German shoemaker left the gas turned on in his shop one night, and, upon arriving in the morning, struck a match to light it. There was a ter rife explosion, and the shoemaker was blown out through the door almost to the middle of the street.
 A passerby rushed to his assistance, and, after helping him to arise, in quired if he was injured.
 The little German gazed in at his place of business, which was now burning quite briskly, and said:
 No, I aindt hurt. But I got out shust in time, eh?''
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Was Proud of His Dad.

Here is one relating to the public schools, even though it has no bearing on the present public school contro- versy. Like as not it isn't even true, but somebody lowed it was. Anyway little George came home from one of the. schools on the West side and told his dad that he wished he would write him little essay on skating. . Georges father, while not a profes- sional writer, brides himself on his ability to put his thoughts into good clear English, and he willingly dashed off a little composition for his sons edification.
 The following evening George greeted his male parent with much enthusiasm when the latter came home from the office.
 :. You're all right, popsy,' he de- clared, proudly. q copied off that es- say of yours and turned it in, and the teacher said there was only one bet ter one in the whole class. ."-Cleve- land Plain Dealer.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

hing about the plans and schemes the tykes of another generation had to work to have any fun. The parents of most of the young "uns of to-day stake them to about all of the Fourth of July firecrackers they need and can use, but only the extremely opulent parents of my growing-up period did anything so reckless as disbursing g real money to provide for the amuse- ment of their progeny, and most of us had to cook up some kind of dodge to get our own firecrackers.
 "At that day, too, firecrackers were ten cents pack, whereas in recent years I've seen 'em sold for as low as two packs for nickel-a heap of diff ference in those figures to a boy am bilious to get all the noise that he can out of his money. They were three packs for a quarter then and three packs were usually as many as we ever dreamed of. We had to sort O nurse our firecrackers along, you see, and stretch 'em out through the long long day. The first time I ever saw boy fire off a whole pack of fire crackers at once-he was a Fauntle- royish kidlet of the rich in our town T was so profoundly impressed with the barbaric lavishness of the per formance that I could hardly get over it.
 But we had the nursing of our small supply of firecrackers down to a fine art We'd crawl out of bed just about the rosy hour of dawn on Fourth of July morning and repair to an cid disused cistern. covered over, and with a heavy rock on the blanks to hold 'em down, and we'd begin oac celebrating there. There wasn't any kick from the older folk about the
 "Ge=mun=ently, but how fine that first pack of firecrackers, when stripped of it's smooth red paper GOV, ering, did look in the light of the dawn of those old Fourth of July mornings, early morning racket.
 Especially the green and yellow frecrackers that were fastened, one of each, to each package We'd always save the green and yellow ones till the very last, for every boy knows per
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
INTOLERABLE ITCHING.
Fearful Eczema All Over Baby's Face
 Professional Treatment Failed.
A Perfect Cure by cuticura.

When my little girl was six months old l noticed small red spots on her right cheek. They grew so large that sent for the doctor but, instead of helping the eruption, his ointment seemed to make it worse. Then I went to second doctor who said it was eczema. He also gave me an oint- ment which did not help either. The disease spread all over the face and the eyes began to swell The itching grew intolerable and it was a terrible sight to see. I consulted doctors for months, but they were unable to cure the baby. I paid out from s20 to $50 without relief One evening I began to use the Cuticura Remedies. The next morning the baby's face was all white instead of red I continued until the eczema entirely disappeared Mrs. P. D. Gumbin. Sheldon, Ia., July 13, '0S." Potter Drug & Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

fectly well that the green and yellow ones made a terrible lot more noise than the red ones Nobody ever told us that, but we just naturally knew it.
 Well, after setting off three or four out there on the old cisterp-very stingily, and with the idea of making 'em last just as long as possible-wed get the tin wash basin that rested on the bench back of the kitchen and that the whole family washed in of morn ings; and we'd fire few firecrackers under the tin wash basin, so as to get full action on the noise.
 q remember that of all the dogs owned when I was at that age not one of 'em but was crafty enough to crawl under the front porch or under the shed with the sound of the first fire cracker on Fourth of July morning and stay there, firmly declining to come out even for needed nourishment un- til the next day. Fact is I had a dog once that began to get sort O sulky and suspicious three or four days be. fore the Fourth of July. He seemed to know that bad day for dogs was at hand and it got in his nerves.
 "Tbe day after the Fourth of July was always day of enormous gloom for us fellers, just like the day after the circus. We took a melancholy pleasure in trotting around the ruins of the vanished circus ring on the day after the circus, and on the day after the Fourth of July we'd extract the same kind of dreary pleasure in scout. ing around among the ruins of the firecrackers that had been let off on i the great day, trying to pick up one here and there that had failed to go off, Once in a great while we'd ac. tually pick up whole firecracker that had been accidentally dropped on the day before.
 And say, right now, today, I wouldn't have half so much fun in picking up bright new $2O gold piece on my way to the office as I did on few occasions on the day after the Fourth of July when I came upon a sure-enough alive and charged fire cracker that had got lost out of the pack on the previous day.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
A Tall Bear Story.

"Why, once, do you know, found a bear inside a hollow log. Well, of course, I couldn't get at him to shoot him, and the log was too heavy to move. didn't know what to do. So at last I thought of cutting four holes in the log, about where the bears feet must be, and l got his paws through slick Then I tied rope about the log and made him walk with it into camp. And-would you be- lieve it?-we had all our food and all our fuel for the winter out of that one eaL."-Outing.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Hypotheticai.

Let me-" said the stranger at the baseball gate, "ask you hypothetical question:
 "Go ahead"
 "Supposing that I had ten cents, and desired to witness an exhibition of the manly sport inside the en- closure, the price being 25 cents; and supposing that I were to approach you for 15 cents necessary to fruition of my hopes, what would you say?''
 That's easy. I'd say: Lend me the 10 cents as I have just 15 myself, and am rabid fan
 Thus, after all this subtle eloquence, there was nothing doing.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Beyond Expression

G. w. Farlowe, East Florence, Ala, writes: For nearly seven years I was afflicted with form of skin disease which caused an almost unbearable itching. I could neither work, rest nor sleep in peace. Nothing gave me permanent relief until 1 tried Hunts Cure. One application relieved me; one box cured me, and though a year has passed, have stayed cured. 1 am grateful beyond expression"
 Hunts Cure is a guaranteed remedy for all itching diseases of the skin. Price soc.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Balloon Scared Higher and Higher.

from the crowd. Everybody, includ. seemed rooted to the spot Out of the way there," shouted a voice in imperious command, and a bare headed man came dashing through the crowd with the speed of the wind. With a mighty, upward leap he caught the end of the dangling rope before it could pass beyond his reach. Cling ing to it with grim desperation, he was jerl1ed high above the tree-tops in an instant
 It was a thrilling moment The peo pie held their breath, expecting every second to witness a frightful tragedy. Their straining eyes beheld the white faces of the clergyman and the lady looking down over the rim of the car, as the balloon scared higher and higher. They could see the man climbing hand over hand up the swinging rope like a trained athlete. He was plainly outlined against the sky, but his figure rapidly diminished to the size of a big spider. The awful certainty that he must fall and be dashed to pieces on the earth below paralyzed every tongue.
 At last, when the balloon seemed scarcely larger than a childs top in the blue vault above, those with the keenest vision saw the man pull him. self over the side of the car.
 .'He is safe!' shouted Maxwell, standing erect in the automQbile That man is Capt. Marmaduke Keene," he explained, when the spec tators began to lombard him with eager inquiries. "He knows all about the management of balloons. It was part of his military training in the Japanese war
 A white-faced Frenchman, covering on the outskirts of the crowd, pulled his hat over his eyes and walked rap idly toward the railroad station.
 It was two hours later when the fugitive balloon came to earth. un. damaged. Its landing place was in an open field in the adjoining county, but Maxwell, accompanied by the aer- onaut and a Pebbletown doctor, had followed its course in the automobile, and were on hand to congratulate it's occupants on their return to terra firma. Marjory Ames was tremulous and fearful, but apparently happy. Presently, Capt. Keene drew Maxwell aside and said, in confidential tone:
 Maxwell, old man, congratulate me-"
 Why, I've already done that"
 Do it again. I'm married"
 "A-a-what?"
 I'm married. Marjory Ames has just became Mrs. Keene. The cere- mony was performed by the dominic there while we were sailing among the clouds. He was surprised, but he did not hesitate after Marjoor7y Mai jor7 gave her consent. Of course, there will be public ceremony later. Maxwell, that Count du Chatelet is a scoundrel "a scoundrel and hypnotist. He had Marjory completely in his power. They have just returned from the Pa. cific coast. Senator Hockheimer was called to New York on business. and the Frenchman cunningly arranged this marriage in balloon. I'll tell you all about it by-and-by."
 Maxwell was Marmaduke Keene's best man at the public ceremony. which occurred two weeks later.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

SIG22raadS ful seclusion of the Bandalia Country club, over in Vir- ginia, where he planned to pass a quiet day on the links. Yet Marma- duke Keene was no stranger to wars alarms. His ear was accustomed to martial music and the deafening din of carnage. Indeed, his first mad act after escaping from college was to fare forth in very successful search for experience. He was a soldier of fortune in South Africa, in Manchuria, and in the Philippines; he explored far-away countries at the peril of his life, and sailed the seas on dangerous filibustering expeditions; only return ing to the United States and to the District of Columbia when summoned by the illness of his mother He was then just 30, with the worldly expert ence of man of 60.
 Handsome, athletic, res0lute, a man of unusual impulses and cool audacity, he was possessed of a spirit that en- abled him to brush aside obstacles and bew his way to success in any undertaking. But Capt. Keene was human, and his return to America sealed his fate and put an end to his globe-trotting. At the inaugural ball which he was induced to attend, he met the beautiful and accomplished Marjory Ames, and surrendered to her without struggle. Miss Ames was the ward of the rich and inf1uen- tial Senator Hockheimer, and was the social attraction of the season in Washington. Capt. Keene danced with her, talked with her, monopo- lized her, and resolved in his heart to marry her. The chance of failure did not enter into his calculations. It did not matter to him that Miss Ames had hundred ardent suitors, or that one of them, a dark-skinned, blue-blooded foreigner attached to the French legation, might be regarded as dangerous rival, to say the least, since gossip had it that he was al ready engaged to the brilliant Ameri- can heiress.
 Count du Chatelet, the French at tache referred to- danced attendance upon Miss Ames with tireless and un-  remitting vigilance. Furthermore, while his attentions apparently were not encouraged by that lady, she ac- cepted them with an air of humility, as if in duty bound.
 A few days after the ball Senator Hockheimer and his charming ward, in company with gay party of ex- cursionists, departed on a trip to Yel- lowstone park and the Pacific coast As Count du Chatelet disappeared a week later, Keene shrewdly guessed that he had followed them As a matter of fact, the love-smitten cap tain was possessed of a similar incli- nation, but certain business matters pertaining to the family estate kept Dim in Washington. And thus it came
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

uIZZy Sp6IIS dHu I1TTIUIG COHUIIIUu UI the kidney secretions. I got so mis- erabIe I went to bed, but the doctor did not do anything for me and no one expected me to recover. Doan's Kidney Pills first relieved, then cured me, and I have had no kidney trouble for seven years since.'
 Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co.,, Buffalo. N. Y.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Seek Prevention of Consumption.

Seek Prevention Of CohsumptIoh'
 The municipal authorities of Berlin have decided to introduce another feature in their administration of tu- berculosis. Heretofore, municipal ef- fort has been confined to the mainten- ance of one or two homes for curable eonsumptives, but it is recognized that, useful as this is, it alone can not cope with this disease. They have resolved, therefore, to devote more at tention to preventive measures.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
His Stomach ReheIled.

A dyspeptic Atchison man went into a restaurant the other day and or
 dered fried catfish. Fried cat!'
 bawled the waiter to the cook. In stantly the weak stomach rebelled
 Cancel that order" the customer said, "and give me an order of country sausage "Sidetrack the cat and make it dog!" yelled the waiter, and he is wondering yet why the man grabbed his hat and left-EXchange
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

ing away In S1X-cyHnder car toward Pebbletown.
 The people of Pebbletown were celebrating the national holiday on the village green. A gigantic spheri- cal cupola rose above the heads of the crowd. It was captive balloon, already inflated. The people were all agog, for it had been announced that morning that a couple from Washing ton would be married in the balloon The town clock was on the stroke of three. The eyes of the crowd watched with eager expectancy. A man in the garb of minister of the Gospel and beautiful young woman of aristocratic bearing had already taken their places in the car. At a little distance stood the Frenchman, Count du Chatelet, exchanging a few hurried words with the whiskered aeronaut before joining his bride elect. At that tense moment the ac- cident occurred.
 Suddenly, and without warning, the cable that held the balloon parted from it's moorings. With a tremen- dous lureh the huge monster bounded into the air with it's precious freight A mortified gasp and groan went up
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

The King of blood purifiers is Dr. Simmons Sarsaparilla. It rids the sys- tenn of the winters accumulation of impurities. It makes the young feel well-the old feel young. Now is the time to renovate yourself. Simmon' 8 Sarsaparilla cannot be excelled.
 Price soc and S1.00.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

the kidneys are sick and cannot keep up their never-ending task of Altering the blood. Lame back, b a c k a c h e dizzy spells and urinary disorders are warn ings that must not be overlooked. A. G. Smith, 405 B. Mills St., Liberty, Mo, says: q was racked with pain, stiff and lame, had
 F
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

d CySU CuuloI Gl four years growA, which three of the best physicians de- clared l had. They said that only an
 operation could
 help me. l am very
 gladthatIfollowed a friends advice and took Lydia B. Pinkham's s Vege- table Compound,
 for it has made me a. stronp and well
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
That Wneezy Sound.

Say" inquired the boy next door of the little girl whose father suffered from asthma, what makes your fla ther wheeze so?"
 q guess it's one of his inside or gans playing! Pluck.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
No Others

It is in class by itself. It has no rivals. It cures where others merely relieve. For aches, pains, stiff joints, cuts, burns, bites, etc., it is the quick est and surest remedy ever devised. mean Hunt Lightning OH.
 Soc and 25c bottles,
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

Little children are suffering every day in the year with sprains, bruises, cuts, bumps and burns. Hamlins Wizard Oil is banishing these aches and pains every day in the year, the world over.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
A Broad Discrimination,

There is an elder of certain church upstate who thinks that things are only half done or not well started in which he has no voice. At a prayer meeting he offered thanks for the safe return from their vacation of the minister and his wife. With proper dignity and in loud voice he said: 70 Lord, we thank thee for bringing our pastor safe home, and his dear wife, too, o Lord, for thou preservest man and beast. Success
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Ak Your Druggist for Aliens Eoot-Ease.

''T tried ALIENS FOOT-EASE recent ly, and have just bought another supply. It has cured my corns, and the hot, burn ing and itching sensation in my feet which was almost unbearable, and I would not be without it now.-Mrs. w. J. Walker, Camden, N. J.' Sold by all Druggists, 25c.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Must Work Roth Ways

He-I could waltz on to heaven with you!
 She-Can you reverse?-Yale Rec ord.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
For Colds and Gripp-capudine

The best remedy for Gripp and Colds is Hicks Capudine Relieves the aching and feverishness Cures the cold-Headaches also. It's Liquid-Effects immediately-10, 25 and soc at Drug Stores.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

It is as difficult for some people to draw their own conclusions as it is for them to extract their wisdom teeth.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

An old woman was profuse in her gratitude to magistrate who had dismissed charge brought against her.
 q thought you wouldn't be ard on me, your worship" she remarked, as she left the dock; " I know low often a kind art beats be'ind a ugly face.''
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02

not agree with him any more than her cooking does.
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Another Query.

Little Willie-Say, pa! Pa-What is it, my son? Little Willie-Do they raise chicory in a hennery?
The Green Forest tribune., 1909-07-02
Great Distress Throuqhout the South

Could be eliminated by the use of Dr. Big gers Huckleberry Cordial. It cures Dysen- tery, Diarrhoea, Children Teething. At Druggists 25c and 50c per bottle.