Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-06-11

crime. Bright Pupil-He played the
dddle.-Chicago Daily News.
He is an expert penman" He
must be. He can write with postofflce
pens and ink New York Globe.
The One-.B But If you have the money
why don't you pay your debts? The
Other Because If did that wouldn't
have the money.
Frank - Were you actually sur
prise6, as you said, when | proposed?
May-Yes, indeed; l really had all but
given you upl-Vogue.
Those false teeth DR. Pulliam put
in for you look very natural" They
feel that way They ache Just like the
ones he pulled out "-Philadelphia
Ledger.
Mr.. Flatwell-Look here! You must
have made a mistake / haven't or
dered gas stove. Delivery Man
Tain't gas stove It's your wife's
new hat
Didn't you telephone us that your
wife was ready to go with us when we
started?" Yes but she's upstairs now
changing her mind" - Baltimore
American
THAT fellow Smithers is a clever
chap. He can write with either
hand" rs that so? How on earth
does he manage to do ito" "On a type,
writer, Success,
Joan-Im awful frightened at the
lightnin l wish there was a man
here What good would
that do7 Joan-Hed tell me not to be
such a fool-Punch.
Her Husband Well, 1t takes two to
make quarrel, so I'll shut up. His
Wife-That's just like contemplate
man! You'll sit there and think mean
things. Chicago News.
Teacher What do you understand
by the word 'self-denial?" Pupil-It
Is when some one comes to borrow
money from father and he says he is
not at home --Fliegende Batter,
The Client-How much win your
opinion be worth In this case? The
Lawyer-I'm too modest to say. But
/ can tell you what I'm going to
charge you for it-Cleveland Leader,
Mrs. Gossip-They do say that her
husband has acquired locomotor
ataxia Mrs. Parvenue-I don't think
much OF those cheap cars; my hus'
band has an imported one.-Smart Set.
Wigwag Bjones says that when he
is at your house he acts just like one
Of the family Henpeckke-Yes he
seems to be just as much afraid Of my
mother-ln-law as ] am--Philadelphia
| Record
Haversup Weary Walkers
too much OF rlstocrat fer de bust
ness. Nancy stepes-Whats he doin'
now? Haversup More-<iot SO he
won't sleep anywhere 'cept on flower
bed.--Puck
Minister made seven hearts hap
by to-day Parlshioner-Ho was
that? Minister Married three
couples Parlshioner That only
makes six Minister-Well, you don't
think | did 1t for nothing?
Stage Manager-~R Remember. Bangs,
we are depending on your baby to cry
Justify In the third scene. DO you
think he'll do his part? Actor Father
lie ought to- sir. He's been rehears.
ing night and day.-Boston Tran.
script
Isn't lawsuit over a patent right
about the dullest thing you ever saw"
Not always, / attended a trial of
that kind once that was too funny for
anything. A tall lawyer named Short
was reading 5000 word document he
called brief
Pardon me" said the Romford lady
on marketing expedition, but are
these eggs fresh lald?' Absolutely,
madam,' replied the grocer, promptly
The farmer | purchased those eggs
from won't allow his hens 10 lay them
any other way
Jokely--I had a close call last night,
tell you. P0kely--Is that SO? Got
in the road of an automobile, en-?
Jokeley--No. l was calling on the
Youngers at their fiat, and two other
callers squeezed in shortly afterward.
Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Inqulring Son-Papa, what is rea-
son? Fond Parent-Reason, my boy,
is that which enables a man to deter
mine what is right And what Is in,
stinct?' Instinct is that which tells
a woman she is right. whether she Is
or not."--London Spare Moments.
what will we DO when the trees are
destroyedY' asked the forestry expert.
81 suppose" answered the serenely sol,
emn statesman after some thought,
chat in such an event we win be- oblig-
ed to depend for wood entirely on the
lumber yards. Washington Star.
BIggs-I had no idea old Grasplt
was a philanthropist until ! saw him
circulating a petition yesterday fo
the purpose Of raising money to en-.
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