The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1909-01-11

y
can imagine my surprise, on making
awakened. Little thinking that there
must be mechanical method in the
work, 1 picked up an old nail keg, slid
it up under old bossy's working ex-
tremities and seated myself in the
most comfortable position possible I'M
der the circumstances, with a bucket
like a young wash-tub between my
knees. Hardly had grasped the stu
alton than the old brute bobbed one
ear. glanced around out of the corner
of her big, blue eye, and hoisted her
rear foot have not distinct remem-
brance of what followed, Leo. except
that the old girl attracted by the COM
motion, came rushing to the barn to
find me plastered up against the side
of the building with my bucket over
my bun and the few drops of milk
that l had extracted from the bovine
trickling in a pathetic little stream
down my spinal cord.
1T was nothing short Of a miracle,
i1iddo, that / got out of it alive, but
he milk manufacturer stood contend
edly chewing her cud. with not a vi
cious look, and I tried it again. prac-
tically the same experience occurred,
after which 1 SOlemnly SWOre by all
the saints that have been or are to be.
that two lessons were enough, and
was about to quit the scene of activity
in disgust, when the neighbor came
sauntering along and informed me that
I had been flirting with the wrong side.
Wifey consented to try it whlrl, and
| was willing she should Like a vet
aran who had been through more wars
than could be counted, she perched her.
self on the nail-keg and began a syste-
matte search for the combination. But
there was nothing stirring, Leo, not a
thing, even though she sat there un-
til the old cows milk had time to be
churned or turned into ice cream.
FINALLY, after seeing that her ma
jesty-the coW-did not object to ca
resses from that side of her anatomy,
| took wifey's seat, and made up my
mind to conquer or be conquered. Pulls
squeezes, jerks, long, steady pulls and
short spasmodic yanks, all failed to
bring the desired result, and after
half an hour of earnest effort the
bucket was as devoid Of the white Ii
quid as it was before I had bought the
dOggoned brute.
Seeing that diligence and patience
were not to be rewarded. and firm in
the belief that the contents of the safe
had been securd by combination
worked by time lock. / called in the
neighbor who s1uatted down and had
the milk transferred to the bucket In
less time than it took me to fall off the
stool when the critter baSted me. He
said it was as Simple as falling off
log, but I'll give you a bunch, old kid
that it looked different to me.
again this morning, bright and
early, | rolled out of the alfalfa, feel
ing that was equal to any emergency,
and made another effort to secure the
milk that was to save unlimited milk
and butter bills; and again 1 had to
acknowledge defeat: for although
could hear the milk squzzling around
in the old bovine's receptacle, it seemed
as though it had been put there for
other purposes, and I gave it up, leav-
ing the rest to the first calf that comes
along But I'm here to tell you that
the money | put in on that COW to-
gether with a couple of tons of hay,
churn and other utensils common to
dai1ying, would pay ordinary milk and
butter bills until I'm ready to cash in
my chips.
II might add. on the quiet, Leo, that
made a deal with Conway a while
ago, by which l expect to enjoy the
pleasure of getting a good, big roast
off the cuSSed brute that came near to
sending me to the happy hunting
grounds; and, Leo, if you should hear
of anyone who wants some second
hand alfalfa, just recommend me to
them for I'll dispose of it at bargain.
1t always takes a woman to show
where to save the money; but it almost
makes me weep to think of the good
times with the boys that have. gone
glmmering in the coin sunk on that
brindle- bedecked SonOfa- soap dish,
that made a most gallant effort to put
me down and out. Believe me, next
time wiley manifests a desire to branch
out into the industry of intensified
farming, I'll just put it up to her, and
wash my hands of the whole business"