The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-05-09
DRIFTWooD

There is one man in Montgomery who. has an affection of the optic nerve which causes him to wink continually It Is very unfortunate. When he goes bottle of perfume tile- clerk -fmmeJi- ately m5lHs q Eaza.shsfof f6Ae ts6da foun- tain and mixes. him---a. spiked drink Wren. he meets aeprettYs swoEnaH or she is, married and. her rhusband later threatens to horsswaip him him. s.':,. .:s..r.
 If at. ,irst you don't succeed girls ment at an enormous salary is to dg~ ure in a sensational trial V castro,s actions are at least to be com mended.
 Reason lawn tennis is Is not more popular with girls is because one has to pay such close attention to the game that one hasn't time to fiirt. At least that's what Montgomery girl told us yesterday.
 Indiana man who was hanged the other day said to the minister just before the drop fell. "rii see you lat1 er." .''fa
 Minister looked rather foolish; aidn't know what to say.
 .-s
 Girls of vassar College consume B. 400 pancakes each morning for break fast it Is said. Lest you labor under a misapprehension, however, we would hasten to inform you that they don't eat their own cooking.
 Average prize fight these days is nothing but a paper-mill.
 Quantity of dynamite has just been RllDDed 10 China PrOha hlU n 6a used on those manufacturers who make cigars out of cheap tobacco and send em over here under the name of real Havanaa
 Beware of the young woman with silvery laugh and the diamond rings who sits upon the country hotel porch In a delicate zephyr like costume and you. young man. Remember she is a town girl and has probably been en- gagged six times and got a diamond out of a lobster in each instance. Don't he fool enough to be the seventh.
 What is the worst cattle plague?" asks contemporary.
 We can't say. exactly. but a full into your garden and eating up ail your young and tender vegetables that are the pride of your heart. is about as serious plague as we can think ot dL tHe present. WrltIHB.
 Young man from Calera asked us yesterday if a corset wasn't a waist basket" Come to think about 1t be- lieve he is right.
 Tn an old fashioned church In Phil adeiphia the choir sits in a gallery just above the pulpit. The pastor says he Is going to resign if the choristers don't cease their habit of throwing peanut hullsa and bon-bon wrappinRs down on his bald head when he is trying to preach.
 President Taft may go to Alaska this summer Truly MT Taft is a tray cling man: Here's hoping the willy Eskimos do not mistake him for a whale should he fall overheard,
 Congress committee has decided that the Gatun dam will stand and the lock plan Is all right. Now are you satis. Bernard Shaw. Nobody expects them to be, or man either. However, the woman who can make good straw berry short cake comes a long way in that direction with the average mar ried man
 Mary Garden has set sail
 For Europe. Well she ought While out on the deck to be wrapped
 In something more than thought
 4 +
 No use in talking, this African hunt, ia "snap" for Kermit.
 Arkansas Legislature has passed a bill providing that railways may be sued for mental anguish" And just to think of some of those slow trains through Arkansas."
 Oh the sweet girl grad. the sweet girl What she costs nobody knows but