davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

From the Cincinpati Times-Star.
 Will American humor have to depend entirely upon the impersonal for F jokes. or perpetrate only those that have inani- mate objects as the butt of fun?
 Some time ago the more dignified mem bers of the Celtic race set up vociferous objections to the putting on the stage of the impossible and ludicrously exagger- ated representations of the Irishman. The result of this campaign has nearly elim- mated the Irishman from burlesque, and even in the comic papers he appears less often than before. The same results have been achieved by the children of Isreal. While many people of both these races enjoy having fun poked at them Gas a race), the majority is against the ex- aggerated presentation, either in print or before the footlights, of Celt and Hebrew characteristics. In addition, many Ger man-Americans have voiced their disap- proval of the caricaturing of the Ger mans. and now we have a Chinese stu dent complaining of the same thing.
 If these objections continue. eventual ly every race in the world possessing possibilities for fun being poked at 1t by either artist, actor or humorist will have a ready-made injunction against the defenders and while this may seem the height of absurdity itself, perhaps it Is not bad thing after all.
 Mumor is, or should be. impersonal. That humor which relies upon the gro- tesque enlargement of any racial defect or characteristic is not humor in the best sense of the word and while 1t seems to be rather a small thing to make so much talk about, when any nationality fig held up before audiences day after day and ridiculed, as a nationality, the more seri- minded have reason for objection.
 With this source of inspiration on the prohibited list, it will place our American humorists upon their mettle to find a wholesome. inoffensive substitute. In do- ing so the cause of humor will certainly be benefited
 And If, as a result, there Is developed a strictly American school of humor, devoid of questionable congregations that wound. and "slapstick and knockabout" characteristics, we may well thank the objectors who brought the reform about.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
An Overdone Business,

'I had an option oa the second floor of a large building in the business district and had intended starting a locker club, said a well known and fairly prosperous citizen But I gave up the option and abandoned the idea of going into the lock CT club business, because upon investiga- ton I found that the liquor traffic was overdone in Birmingham
 ''It may be that no more whisky is sold here than when we had saloons, but more people seem to be engaged in the liquor traffic under the locker system than be- fore prohibition went into effect. The city should find some way to derive reve- nue from this locker business. It should certainly be taxed and if the license Is put high enough irresponsible men will be driven out of the trade and those who paid and remained In business would take pride in seeing that the law was enforced The licensed locker would seem at least to be the best temporary solu- tion of the revenue question"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
AN ALASKAN NEWSPAPER.

From the Philadelphia Record.
 Odd and curious newspapers reach the local newspaper offices every now and then from out-of-the-way corners of the earth, where no one would suspect a newspaper existed. The latest is a little four-sheet pamphlet called the Eskimo Bulletin. printed In Cape Prince of Wales, Alaska, and dated January, 1909. This sheet measures by 12 inches, but 1t is full of interesting news. On the front page there is an article headed Three Schooners on the Sands of the Arctic Shore" Another Is headed Five Days Alone on a Deserted Island Without Fire" Up in corner there is little poem, Tribute to an Old Friend" illustrating the cynical humor of men who are fight ing hardships in cold and barren coun- try. A specimen Christmas dinner at the Cape was told about on an inside page. The article reads. First course coffee, biscuit, beans; second course, cookies, doughnuts, prune sauce' Under "Lo- cals' appears -Four polar bears have been killed here this year" "Three births and two deaths is the record for our village during the last five months" !" Our annual trade dance was held Jan uary to G. During this dance thou sands of dollars worth of furs were ex- changed for skins and money. Here's 8 specimen editorial comment. Fourth of July comes at Wales when a fellow gets a chance to see a white man, and three of four days of that type come when he sees a white girl"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
HLAckMAILER USES PIGEONS.

Paris Cor. New 1ork I1mes.
 A new use, distinctly Parisian. has been found for the carrier pigeon. It is more ingenious than praiseworthy. The proverb- ial innocence of the dove of peace ab- solves 1t from all suspicion of guilt. though forced to become party to a nefarious plot
 The conduct of wealthy Paris man ufacturer had occasioned concern to fam fly friends, who feared a possible do- mestic catastrophe. The manufacturer, deaf to his advisers, was startled when he received an anonymous letter demand ing 4000 francs or the writer would ex- pose him to his wife. Here is where the pigeons come in. The manufacturer was told he would receive four carrier pigeons. To each would be attached the small tube in which he must insert a thousand-franc note and then release tho pigeons. The next day the pigeons ar rived from four different railway sta- tions.
 The recipient delivered them to the police. who are now considering how best to trace their flight, in the hope of discovering the blackmailer So, after all instead of serving as accomplices in crime. the doves may prove averaging fates.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
IN THE CAUSE OF GOOD TEETH.

From the New York World.
 Rude dentistry wast practiced at least two centuries before the opening of the Christian era. Scientific dentistry is a development of the last century. Proper appreciation of the teeth is a quality yet to be thoroughly cultivated among the masses even of civilized nations. There is fresh and startling proof of its lack in the report following the recent exami- nation of nearly 5O0 school children from the tenements of New York
 Only fourteen of these young pupils were found with sound teeth. There were 2,20S unsound teeth among the 4S6 children. But twenty-five of the lot had received dental attention in other form than by extraction. The boys and girls examined were of the number who have applied for permits to leave school and go to work. Assuming that they fairly repre- sent in their dental conditions the larger part of the humber school army, a tre- mendous field is revealed for the work of the philanthropic clinic and for cam paign of education among parents.
 Bad teeth are not for themselves alone. They influence the general health and effect depresingly the vitality of their possessors. In Germany insurance com- panies find 1t well to look after the mouths of their clients. Among the best physicians everywhere the importance Is now understood of taking the teeth into consideration in the work of diagnosis and prescription.
 The truth cannot be too urgently and consistently spread that care of the. teeth is even more important to the physical welfare than 1t Is essential to personal cleanliness.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
Activity of AViatorS

The wires daily bring interesefng news concerning various efforts in the conquest of the air. Count Zeppelin continues to use hic immense gasbag airships, and on the French coast to- day men are preparing to cross the English channel In aeroplanes The dis tance as the crow flies from Calais to Dover Is 217 miles. This is not a great distance, but no aeroplane has to this time covered it. One of the con- testants will be Count de Lambert, who will use a Wright aeroplane.
 In this country the government Is preparing to test the speed and endur- ance of Wright aeroplane, and Or vile Wright is plucl1ily conducting the tests at Fort Myer, nearly opposite Washington. In these tests public ip- terest Is centered, and the WrigEs know they have reached an important step in their career.
 AS an evidence of the rapid progress of air conquest, the founding of chair of aviation at the University of Paris should be mentioned. The chair is well endowed and SO Is the department of technical aeronautics at the same uni- versity. Columbia university is also providing instruction in the new field of mans efforts. All these things go to show that man Is fully determined to add the air to his conquests as long ago he added the sea and other waters. The air has long def1ed the skill of man, but its hour of surrender plainly cannot be much longer postponed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
A GENIUS FOR REPAIRS.

He tinkered here and tinkered there' With neatness and dispatch; For mending chicken eoops and such He never had his match. Could take a piece of wire and mak A corkscrew in a wink, A pair of pincers all he asked.
 Forsooth, you wouldn't think The toys he fashioned out of wood Were not machnery-tnrned; A pocket knife was what he used, All other tools he spurned. No man could joint fishing rod
 In just the way he did, On clocks and watches tried his skill, Their wheels and springs amid. Just let the coffee pot go wrong, He'd soon put it in shape And once he fixed a water pipe
 With just piece of tape. I've seen him carve a cup you'd want And thank him for 1t too; I've seen him make a water mill
 That led the water through And ground just like the real thing He even set a bone, One time when hurt out in the woods And he was all alone. I'm sure these few examples which I've tried to tell about Will prove that he was versatile
 And smart beyond a doubt. That's why it seems to me so sad It must have vexed his wife To think that one so competent, With good intentions rife. Could do a little of everything, His time and talents giving, Except one most important thing He couldn't make a livlng.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
General Bingham Displaced In New York

The lurid Bingham, who is a briga- dier general on the retired list of the regular army not because of age but because of the loss of leg, has been removed by Mayor Mcclellan from the control of the police force of New York city. He was made commissioner of police by Mayor Mcclellan in order to substitute discipline and army meth ods for the methods that politicians de- mand
 It is difficult to say just what led up to the removal of Commissioner Bing- ham. Ostensibly the upheaval grew out of the numerous arrests of friend. less Brooklyn lad, George B. Duffy This lad had been frequently arrested and his photograph was retained in the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Peaceful July.

T was in Birmingham about a year ago and miners strike was just being start ed said L. M. Walworth of Chicago. Business was naturally depressed. It was felt that the coal operators would eventually win, for they were determined to hold out; but how long the strike would last no one could possibly foresee.
 Business conditions are very different now. Everything is moving along in a smooth and satisfactory way. I have been in Birmingham several times on the first of July and this is the first time when there was not more or less commo- tion or suspense growing out of the wage scale question.
 Everybody here seems to be expecting prosperous summer business and a still more prosperous fall''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
Pensions Reduced Nearly 0ne- Half

If the affairs of the state had been more prudently managed-if, indeed, there had been the foresight and plain care of the treasury that marked the administration of Governor Jelks-the living heroes of the war would not be asked this year to accept about one-half of the pittance that the legislature and public sentiment had assigned them. The men that go up to the courthouse expecting to receive from the state a quarterly allowance of $1250 will re- ,ceive instead s6.90, and to many de- crepit veteran this will be sad news.
 This scaling down of pensions to the few remaining Confederate soldiers is in fact violation of public sentiment. Money that should have been retained for the payment of pensions was spent in big expenditures that might have been scaled down. The money was shoveled out of the treasury regardless of the needs of the old soldiers, and the result is seen today in the disappoint- ed feelings of the veterans.
 No obligation of the state is more sacred than the pensions that have been granted the gray-haired heroes  of the war, and this years deficiency should be made good at the earliest op- portunity. Time is important in this matter, for every year cuts down the list of pensioners. They are fast go. ing over lbe Great Divide.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
FACTS ABOUT CORDIALS

seeds Riga is its chief place of manu- facture, but the finest quality in the smallest quantity comes from Weissens- ham in Esthonia.
 Noyau is made by being favored with the kernels of various fruits, such as peach or apricot, or with bitter almonds In Turkey a fine flavor is given by the addition of the kernels of the Mahaleb cherry.
 Menthe obtains its name from mint which forms it's base, the most noted form of which is mentha piperta-peppermln The best menthe cordials partake only of the flavor of the plant, pressed with the fingers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
NOT WORTH eHINcLINo.

From JuuBe 5 4LiDEhry'
 The late Thomas Bone, "the sailors mis- sionary," was the soul of kindliness. but he was seldom worsted in repartee. One of the many instances of this given in his 5ust-published life is the following:
 '.T5is work was not without It's humor- ous side. Among the new men there were always some who sought a little amuse- ment at iis expense, but they reckoned without their host. His kindly manner never changed. The smile never left his face. There was no venom in tho rctort, but 1t seldom failed to silence the inter- rupter. The laugh raised at his expense made 1t quito certain that no second att tempt would be made.
 'seelng him approaching one day. ono of a group of sailors announced his inten- ton of having sorne fun. He stepped for ward and removed his hat. revealing perfectly smooth crown. and asked. Can you tell mo why my head is 50 bald, while all my companions have plenty of hairr
 :" T don't know was the smiling reply. 'urSess the reason given mo the other day by a farmer would apply, that an empty barn is not worth shingiing'"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
ONE TWILIGHT HOUR.

By George Meredith. We saw the swallows gathering in the
 sky, And in the osier-isle we heard them noisc We had not to look back on summer joys Or forward to a summer of bright dye; But in the largeness of the evening earth Our spirits grew as we went side by side. The hour became her husband and my
 bride. Love that had robbed us so. thus blessed
 our dearth The pilgrims of the year waxed very In multitudious chatterings. as the flood. Full brown came from the West, and like
 pale blood Expanded to the upper crimson cloud. Love that had robbed us of immortal
 things, This little moment mercifully gave, Where had seen across the twilight
 wave< The swan sail with her young bensath
 her wings.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
Mobile In August.

"Excellent arrangements are being made in Mobile for the great national gathering of the Knights of Columbus next month," said member oI the or der, T visited Mobile recently and saw the hall where the convention Is to bs held. An improved electric fan system will be used and the hall will be kept as cool almost as refrigerator,
 August Is really g very pleasant month in Mobile, 90 far as the temperature
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
Pleasant Days To Come.

q have long noticed that when July was ushered in on a hot wave, the month went out with comparatively low tempera- ture," said an old citizen.
 "It may not be an invariable rule. but when the first half of July Is excessively hot, the last half of July and in fact the last half of summer Is usually pleasant. While we are having 1t hot now I believe the summer as a whole, will be exceptionally moderate in tenn perature."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

Birmingham is an ideal summer re- sort this season, relatively speaking that Is to say, when compared with Montgomery or Mobile. The breezes from Sand Mountain, Shades mountain and Red mountain are ever cool and delightful.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

goes. If a way can be found to drive out the mosquitoes the crowd will be delighted with the gulf city. It is hard to estimate the number of people that will attend the convention, but I would say that 10000 will not be too large a guess"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

It will be really truly heaven if there are no relations there.
 Half the time when a girl thinks she's in love she's only jealous
 A womanf doesn't really begin to have faith in a man until other people lose it..
 woman wants to cheat the custom house because 1t may get a head start at it and cheat her.
 Tho reason a girl can have such a good time at . baseball game Is q home run sounds 50 sentimental.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
A pREARY LAND.
rom zion's Herald,

The country from Jerusalem to the Jordan valley Is as dreary and desolate as could be imagined.
 The hills look like great banks of rock and sand. Not even the Sahara itself looks more forbidding. It is the country not inhabited" the wilderness into which the scapegoat was driven. We are all glad we went, but none of us could be induced to go again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

Mrs. Gould has no difficulty in spend ing her $100 a day She makes her plans before she rises each day They come to her intuitively, she is so versa tile.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
HAYS START IN LITERATURE,

From A. s. Chapman's 1.-The Boyhod of
 John Hay" in July Century.
 John Hays literary beginnings date back to the quaint old town of Warsaw on the Illinois side of the Mississippi, in which he lived from theSage of years till he en- tered public life at Springfield as assist ant secretary to President Lincoln, Ac- cording to the memory of his sister, Mrs. Mary Woolfolk, who still lives at War saw, he had in his boyhood 'the habit of stringing words together into rhymes"
 Warsaw remains today much as it was more than forty years ago, when the co-author of Abraham Lincoln" and future Secretary of State left 1t. Perhaps this is because of the isolated position of the town at the end of a single brancn line of railroad Half century ago. 1t had hopes of becoming a city. It is still fruitful in "reminiscences of John Hay. The house built by his father Dr. Charles Hay, Is pointed out, to tho visitor as one of the notable sights. It stands on the brow of the bluff. com manding wide view up and down the Mississippi. few miles away rise the smoking chimney of Keokuk, Ia.. the city of which Warsaw was once rival. Rail- roads came to Keokuk; only one to War saw. Three states. Illinois, Iowa and Missouri, lie within the prospect. From these heights Mr. Hay viewed the sunsets which he afterwards declared were more beautiful than those of Italy"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The Foster matter respectfully de- clines to become a closed incident al though frequently requested to be- come so.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

It may be a trifle warm here, but think what it is where Bwana Tumbo is slaughtering wild animals under the equator
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

President Lowell of Harvard and President Hadley of Yale are chum- my, and neither has a book shelf to defend
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

MT. Hartman takes electric baths daily, and when he comes home he will be ready, perhaps, to electrify his nu- merous railroads.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

As fast as Caruso's voice improves his nerve strengthens, and his prices for next season may constitute a new record
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
About Persons.

President George G. Crawford, of the Tennesse Coal, Iron and Railroad Com pany, has returned from the north.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The yacht Sylph has been ordered to serve the President, and yet the name of the vessel is not snug presiden- tial fit
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

Baby Mckee of the Harrison admin istration was graduated at Yale this year, and he may be heard from later.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

New Hampshire claims it's mosqni- toes are all harmless, but their bites are not painless.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

Beverly is ready for the President and the President Is ready for Beverly, but Aldrichism and the special inter- ests forbid.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The Prince yon Buelow has made himself almost as essential to kaiser as Bismarck did about thirty years ago.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The ultimate consumer is hoping Senator Aldrich's vacation will be ex- tended to thousand years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03
Demand for Good Horses.

Langhorne Tabb Anderson, owner of Auview stock farm at Maysville. Ky. who came to Birmingham to act as judge of the horse show, left last night for the east
 This is my first visit to Birmingham" !" said Mir Anderson yesterday, and am delighted with the people and with the city itself. It is a beautiful city and strangers cannot but view 1t with en- thusiasm. There is abundant evidence of wealth and taste here. Great taste is displayed in Birmingham's residence architecture, and in the landscape treat ment of the grounds in the fashionable residence sections I have been struck, too with the taste which is shown here in the matter of pleasure horses and carriage teams. There are great many fine horses in Birmingham"
 When asked about the business of stock breeding and the state of the horse trade, Mr. Anderson said There never was a time when good horses were so much ap- preciated in the United States as now, and there never was a time when horses com- manded the prices they do now. It is plain, therefore, that the automobile has not put the horse out of business. I look in the streets of Birmingham and see fewer plugs than would have been found in former years, and in one block l saw at a random glance a number of really good horses-saddle horses and driving horses-that were not bought at low prices.
 "The tendency in every part of the country in regard to horses is toward im- provement. Not only are show horses and pleasure horses of much higher quail ity than formerly, but runabout horses and work horses generally have more style. Stylish horses go with stylish peo- ple and always indicate prosperity on the part of the owners. I was in Chicago the other day and saw pair of horses bring $500 that were shipped to Maine. to be used merely as work horses on a farm. And so 1t goes.
 Chicago, by the way, Is the greatest horse market in the world In that city one finds a buyer for every grade of horse any day in the year"
 Mir Anderson remarked that while rac- ing had been affected by the laws against pool selling, the injury to turf sport was only temporary. There will always be a reasonable demand for racing,' he re- marked. The sport will be readJusted and will eventually get into hands sepa- rated from the gambling element. It will be clean sport, and the thorough bred will then be a greater hero than ever. Love for the turf Is wholesome. and will never be eradcated. English speaking people, any way, have a natural admiration for the race horse. and there fore the time will never come when rac- ing will be without its votaries. just as the time will never come when poker will be lost art, or when a well concocted mint tulip will not be appreciated in some circle in this fair southland of ours"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

Subway building is becoming chron- ic in New York.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The housefy escapes execution al though convicted and sentenced as a dirty murderer.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-03

The thirteenth census should not prove a hoodoo in Birmingham.