davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

The toymakers are turning out Billy 'Possums to take the place of Teddy Bears after March A. So runs the world and political zoology away.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
RTPPLEs
A fool and his affinity are soon parted.

Jack Binns, the hero of the Republic. That's all.
 A fool and his affinity are soon parted.
 A man who never brushes his hair may be a genius, but the chances are ten td one that he is just tramp.
 Oftentimes when a man goes up in the air the next we hear of him is that ha is down and out
 A woman Is never satisfied with what she gets-especially if it is a husband
 The best jugglers are not in the same class with the fellow who can eat soft fried eggs with his knife.
 While women cannot be poured into tuba gowns it would save lot of trouble if such a thing were possible.
 Some people will never have brain fas for the same reason that it is impossible to have appendicitis without an appen- dix.
 q love the man who swears" says d palpitating lady poet. Hist, sweet singerl Some day he is liable to swear at you.
 The gentleman in Milwaukee who put up "stork flats' confesses that the ven- ture is failure. It seems that the storls lost the address. PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

"C. Q. D." at sea is simply the "P. D. O." so long used on land.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

TWO TYPES. Flows everything?" "All right All rightl'- That's what the optimist says. AS he walks through life with a smiling face And looks for the pleasant ways. Flows everything?" All wrong, all wrong,- That's what the pessimst says And all he can see in life's color scheme Is browns and drabs and grays!
 EXTREMELY DOUBTF UL. "Ah, MT. Clipper" said Miss Gush. have you ever heard the music of the spheres?" Yes replied MT. Clipper. "on a phon- ograph."
 TOUGH JOB.
 To do each day
 A bit of rhyme
 Is most as hard
 As doing time."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Russia seems to be chiefly engaged in borrowing money from France.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
SETTING A PRECEDENT.

That New York congressman should not have called the President a gar goyle
 ''Why?"
 'fso many married men will be tempted to call their wives gargoyles."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

May days in January are becoming monotonous, but still not unwelcome.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Some think the honors paid to the memory of Edgar Allan Poe are covert attacks upon prohibition
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
SHE SUPPLIES THE WORDS.

There goes a man who is never at q loss for words"
 "A ready talker, eh?" NO; his wife is
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Farmers are wanted in Cuba who know how to raise gamecocks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

transportation companies to run as many cars as it is physically possible to op- crate during rush hours is to be com mended, but the fact that one-ffth of all the daily travel occurs in one hour indicates the crux of the problem pre- sented That there was an increase of 1s0,o00 passengers per day last year as compared with the previous twelvemonth reflects the enormously rapid growth of New York and suggests the necessity of losing no time in providing for future increase of transportation facilities.
 It seems disgraceful that there should be 50,000 accidents in a single year with nearly 600 persons killed, and the com- mission will deserve well of the coln- munity if by the installation of safety devices it will reduce this terrible death roll. The position of the bankrupt sur- face lines is one that calls for careful handling, and the wrangle between the receivers of these and the commission is to be deprecated
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
FACTS ABOUT THE NAVY

guns of battleships should be so placed that, in case of accident, burning pow der would fall directly down into a cham- Der for handling powder connected by open doors with the main magazines of the ship. That this is the fact in our bat tleships now afoat is shown by three separate accidents in which it happened.
 It seems incredible that large per- centage of the guns of seagoing battle- ship should be so low that they could not be used in weather ordinarily encoun- tered at sea. That this is a fact was shown by Admiral Evans official re- ports covering the cruise of our fleet about South America.
 tablshment to repair supply and take care of our fleet of ships should be larger and cost much more to maintain than the fleet itself That this is the fact is shown by any annual statement of the paymaster of the navy.
 Finally, it seems incredible that a great national department of the government should be so organized that it not only allows of these unnatural and absurd conditions to grow, but actually fights to have them continued
 The series of incredible mistakes in our navy will be finally stopped by one means only; the recognition that navy is military body, and it's organization as such. So long as it is managed by pos litical system and operated by an out worn bureaucracy, as it is now, they will continue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
THROWN AWAY.

There is man in Indiana 79 years old who says he has never been kissed" Nothing is more tragic than wasted life"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29
From Mcclure's Magazine.

From McClure'S Magazine.
 @ HE article in this number by Mir
 \0 George Kibbe Turner entitled
 Our Navy on the Land'' is one of series published by this magazine in the last year showing conditions past and present in the United States navy, which would appear incredible, if they were not proved absolutely true by testi- mony that is indisputable. It is worth while to recapitulate the most remarkable of these conditions in plain statement, which might we'll be given the title 'Na- val Incredibilities."
 It seems incredible that the manage ment of a navy should build warships. arm them with great rifed guns, and then not only fail to train anyone to shoot them but consistently block the men who wished to do so That this was the fact until reform was forced is proved by the official records of the shooting or the navy now and 10 years ago, and by the documents in official files resisting any practical attempt to improve gum nery.
 It seems incredible that a navy should so plan battleships that the most inn portant armor plate protecting them would be practically under water when these ships went to sea to fight an enemy. That this is the fact concerning our pres ent fleet is shown by the records of the general board of the navy and by two separate measurements of the vessels of the fleet during the past year.
 It seems incredible that the principal
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Jack Binns, the hero of the Republic. That's all.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

No communication will be publisheu with out it's authors name. he9eeteo manuscript win not be returned unless stamps are inclosed for that purposa.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Washington Bureau Age-Heraid. 1421 G street. N w.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

L. H. Russ and 2. E. Morgan are the only authorized travelling represents tives of The Age Herald in its cireuia- ton department.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

man who never brushes his hair may be a genius, but the chances are ten td one that he is just a tramp
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Oftentimes when a man goes up in tha air the next we hear of him is that ha Is down and out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

Entered at the Birmingham. Ala, postoffce as second-class matter unosr act Of Congress March 3, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-01-29

A woman Is never satisfied with what she subsequently, if it is a husband.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
MURDERS MAN
NEARPLANT BED
And SurrenderS to the Con-
Stable SherrOff and is
Placed in Jail.
NOT THOUGHT TO BE ARMED

SPRINGFIELD, Tenn, May 20
Jas Unger shot and killed Lewis
Holloway at l o'clock Sunday after
noon about half way between Cedar
Hill and Adams, In this county.
Unges surrendered to Mathew Sher-
rolf constable at Adams, and was
brought to Springfield and lodged in
all. Unger is a middle aged man
and Holloway is about 81. Hollo-
way worked for Unger on his farm
last year and it is said there existed
bad feeling between them about the
crops, fingers plant he'd was scraped
Saturday night and it is said that
when he saw Holloway passing near
the bed be fred on him killing him
instantly. tits not stated whether
Holloway was armed or not
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
THE WIDOWS PIG.

Patrick, did you steal widow
Maloney's pig, aud if, what
did you do with il?
"Killed it and eat it,,
Your Honor"
Well, now, Patrick, when YOU
are brought face to face with
Widow Moloney and her pig
on Judgment day." said the jndre,
what account will you be able
to give of yourself when the Wild.
NV accuses you Of stesling?"
"DId yon say the pig WOULD he
there, Your Hopor?" asked Pat.
ITO lie sure | did,
well then, I'll say, Miss Ms
oney, there's your pig.
Caldwell Co News.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
KOdOl
For Dyspepsia and Indigestion
If you Suffer from Indigestion, Dyspepsia. Gas on
the Stomach. Belching, Sour Stomach, Heartburn
ETC.. little Kodol will Relieve you almost Instantly

So, don't neglect your stomach.
Don't become chronic dyspeptic.
Keep your stomach healthy and
strong. by taking a little kodol.
You don't have to take Kodol all
the time. You only take it when
you need 1t.
Kodol is perfectly harmless.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
KILLED
Hunter Meets Tragic Death
Below Hickman.

Hickman, X y, June 6-New.
was received here Of the tragic deaf
Of Will DeLeon at Three States, ten
miles bsloS Hickman. Will DeLeou
aud Peter Whee er were out turkey
hunting, but neither knew Of the
presence Of the other.
DeLeon had turkey caller. and
was initiating the turkev call and
Wheeler, ceasipg the call and sup
posing it was a wild turkey, was an.
svering. DeLeop hearing what be
believed 10 be the turkey getting
nearer, hid himself behind a tree
aud waited to ge, a chance TO shoot
As Wheeler came closer, still giviog
the turkey call. DeLeon moved a
little to look out, setting a clump Of
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
BAND PLAYS
Speaker Jokes, Women III
Crust, at Atheists Mar
tial funeral

ASa. - Ia ~ g. -TS' 'ho1sar d
pope -:tu.e',4 >-r3'r si''ro'""
10 cain admission g" 'Le fpuet., I
Wm. Henry Norros. - af'e.''.
which "a. he'd ~ tie nat,ouAl
guar! I'm p =, III"
A tani. con- osed mostly - Oh"
Northern unlvsr.',V caac,-, plaNra
patriotic medley - .lr. ~ Fun
ri.l lsrsae thIou.h the street.
Eter,th'pg ~. carried out just a.
MRS. ha3 straprcr two years be
fore bi, death.
The arm r.. he'd ,uly 1900 people
Meu Shu could at gain admission
rush~l AGAINST semen AMI children
10 fraut c ,ii,rt T. Pa, 'ir"ugh The
do,tssy snd tSo v, men tainted.
Obi'uar, card. with red White
ADD h'ur borders CONTAINING Nor
roS'. in6ael creed aud mall Amer.
icanfsy. vrr~ di,'r hu,ed a. the
crowd ru,Led pas, the bier to obtain
."s,s.
Rev. o h r.hipg. f'r,' Preshy.
rr'sn church. pleaded With the
member. - ~ congregation. in a
Sn,d.N uotnirr sermon, not TO, at
'end ~" fl"'rsl.
Chrsriaus should not go to hear
.cofier, he ..'t.
A. " rmter. a business man,
npaned he service without cere.
u ny 10 reviewed rho d al man :
life. Morrow h-d reen Bspu't
ministc-, Sut tu-r.d asA'"-t Chris
tianit,. He had been health o.hcer
md head OF rte Mia Building N
t.,ar association for 20 years. We
"a, q. A. h. man aud had lo''Sp
arm in the battle Of Chsncellorsvll'".
ATHEISM is LATDED.
Dr.. j. NJ. Wilson, OF Cincinnati,
-pent two hours in lauding atheism.
DR.. Wilson j"ked as he talked
.od brought some laughter from H."
audience.
THAT right. laugh. h" said.
1--WE are not here to mourn,
"Morrow was slr.r'' m.u W.
Wilson said. at he had any faults
| know 81 Id name them. We ar.
not here 10 consider Morrow ~ .n
angel. Iasm-d for paradise. wnh :
celestial prizD package in his 20.
session. IL believed. ~ de-, that
death ends all"
PLAY YANKEE DOOLE
Yankee Doodle vas tbs sst c,iee
Morrow I'd wanted plsyed shrn thu
speskinR WAS concluded. The band
master carried out his directions.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
For Sale by all Druggists

Marshals together. Ii was he who
SAID: "You can never out number a
brain.
That is Why the single Robert +.
Lee, south Of Mason and Dixon s
line. was more formidable than all
the Uuion Generals together. Had
Lee served with the North rather
than the South. ssld Lincoln, the
war would have ended two years
sooner.
Thus, too, the greatest living nj :
itary writer, Lecompte, has declared
that Won Moltke, on the side of the
French, IN 1870, would have turned
the scale 10 favor OF Frspc..-I In
Gle Sans Magazine.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
ROO fVECT
AT ~ IA RANCH.
Kermit, Lost From ENpcdi-
ton. Spends Night in
Woods Alone.
ROOSEVELT 4 GREAT HUNTER

NAIBDRI. Hnush Eat Africa.
June S--ThevGure Rocs. welt, &C
companies tv his>c Kermit. srrivrd
~ the ia la fsn.h - George
McNillen to6ay.
They csme firm her camp. VI Machs-
kos. They vi r'ui,in a: "a II fr'm
four to ten ds,s src"-di g ~ IT,
luck they have N hunting lmrsls,
buffalo. wsrthos sud water buck At
the conclusion 81 their Usii with Mr
McMillsn Mr. Roosevelt and his s"p
will com" ." N,iron. TIE rorters o.
the exled,tlon will 90 strait south
from the ia j, 'such to avoid the
smallpox here. VI. Roosevelt aud
Kermit vii spens frw dsys in
Nairobl sud th,u leave 20 rejnip the
expedition.
1t was learned here early today
that Kermit let hi, ssy from his
father comp near Mac sko, lat
Friday sd sp,Dtau entire day alone
on horseback riding through region
uokown TO him. On Saturday he
turned VI at kiu, station on the
railwav. inquirius thrIc the Nay To-
the camp. tie va, gwen the desired
directions.
The region 10 Fh.cl Kermit Roo.
velt is reported To- have oceu ,'.t lie.
between the Aihlt,er and tie l'sau-
da railway. Kin. where he finally
found himself, IS a3?I, ht,y mt!,s
below Nlirobi iai ,L.ty o. fr
miles southeast Of MA.haAos There
is az old earl road rom M4elaso, to
Kiu, but otherS'se the country att
the region thrreshvut- u very rpsTsely
inhabited t} nati,,. & he WsAamdA
tribe, peaeiu. people engaged
chiefly 10 AR culture
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10

WANTED Trustworthy man or
woman in each county to advertise.
receive orders and manage businesses
for New York Mail order House. SIS %
weekly; position permanent; no invest
ment required Previous experience
not essential to engaging. Spare time
valuable. Enclose self addressed en-
velope for full particulars. Address
CLARKE Co. Wholesale Dept. 1903
PARK AVE New York. ASST
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
A Thrilling Rescue.

How Bert r. Lean, Of Cheny,
Wash. was saved from frigh,ful
death is a story to thrill the world.
a hard dold," he writes, brought
on a desperate lung trouble that baf-
fed an expert decor here. Then |
paid $40 10 sl5 a visit to lung
specialist in Spokane, who did not
help M. Then | went to Cslifor-
MIA, but without benefit. At last |
used DR.. King, New Discover, which
completely cured me and now | sm
as well as ever For Lung Trouble,
Bronchitis. Coughs and Colds, A.
thma, Group and whoopipe Cough
It's supreme. SOC and 81 90. Trial
bottle free. Guaranteed Ply Jas II
Orme and Haynes & Taylor
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
ENJOYS SHAVE.

J j Guthrie, age eighty.seveu
years. was in town Thursday and for
the first time in his life allowed him
self to be shaved by a barber Mr.
Guthrie has always shaved himself,
but seemed to rather enjoy the new
experience OF having some one else
perform this operation for hun.
-Hopkinsville New Era.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10

There are many imitation r u
Wits Carboliced With IlszrI ~,Ive
--Dewitt's Is the original. BE- sire
you get Dewitt. CarboliEed Witch
Hazel Salve when you ask for u. 1t
is good for cuts, burns aud bruises,
and is especially g,od for piles.
Sold by all druggistc. Sept
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
Trouble Makers ousted.

When sufferer from stomach trou.
bic takes Or. Kings New Life Pills
he's mighty glad to see his Dyspep.
STA and Indigestion fly, but more,
he's tickled over his new, fne appe.
tite, strong nerves, healthy vigor. all
because stomach, liver and kidneys
now work right. Csc at James II
Orme's and Haynes & Taylor's.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
Mild Laxative
for Baby Free

The child Of today is the parent Of
the future, and whether il grows up
healthy and strong. or puny and weak.
depends upon the intelligence OF its
parents, for most children are born
into the world healthy. but thousands
become future weakIings between
birth and the age OF ten. when the
parents are still in greatest control.
The prime cause OF trouble h In tho
stomach. A baby that la digesting its
food seldom cries and always looks cheer
ropps and plays and never whines: the
growing child learns well at school and II
eager for fun II its head Is clear and its
stomach light. and that means II II has
The best and safest way to cure any
irregularity OF the stomach and bowels
In children f. by the use Of DR.. Caldwelrs
Syrup Pepsin. This ~ a liquid laxatIve
wonderful In Its effect as Mrs. John W.
Durham. Apple Creek. o.. Mrs. II. L.
Cullam. Piainville, Ind. and numerous
children with extraordinary results.
bottle only costs 80 cents or 81 ac-
eording to the size you want. and even
one bo-cent bottle will DO wonderful
amount OF good IN family. II can be
given TO any member of the family In
constipation. sour stomach. Indigestion:
headache and similar digestive troubles.
II never grtpes or strangles like pills
tablets. salts and powders. which should
not b> given to children. women or OLD
Il you have q child or other member Of
thio Grand laxative tonic send your name
ard ldAress 70 the doctor and . free trial
Sote6 VIM DE sent TO your home. In this
Without psrsonai sxpsnss.
n there 10 anything about
~ yoar ailmsnt that you don't
H~ un6erstand. o. V you want
6 any medical advice. write
ia ~ 20 TIE doctor. and he will
fengWsr you fully. Thees 4
no charge for this service. :
TIE address b Dr. ~ b,
CALDWELL. ~ CaldWell 6)1g.,
vORsALE BY ALL DRuGGIST,
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10

N.,r... ~.. ..s o.. ur
grown r''... 80. g. l.,. 30
leave The hsl'
The haud lt,,,t AZ ,.l.rg
Through Geo-gis. -CH,nh.. ,hc
Gem Of the Ocrsu sni go Star
Spsuele Banner as iic mbers
Of the Morrow fam y scr, ,.corted
home.
TO CREuATE REMAINS
Morrow. rem,ins vii he ~ uslt
10 Cleveland Tu~.asy 'or rrrnsu"u.
The .shc. ~ili p. hu,i,d in
Woo .land o., mctere. -,
Morrow .hoss ~. .. fiir' ~o years
ago ADD erected '.n,'..'one With
iu'ciir'iop eypte,s.rr disbelief in
a hereafter
Ore m9t;o read.
Give hum.nst, ttu,h. no, Myth;
knowledse. 10, dormss
4 ven. from Marx TSa,n de:
Look a. Adam. Wis have 70" done
for AdsmY What hss Adam r""e ior
rs? Everything. ne gave ~ life;
he gave US death he gave ". haven
he gave US hell"
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
Our Guarantee

Go 70 your druggist today and get dol
lar bottle. Then after you have used the
honestly say that IL has not done you any
good. return the bottle to the druggist and
he will refund your money without ques-
tion OF delay. We will then pay the drug.
that our guarantee Is good. This Offer ap-
plies TO the large bottle only and TO but one
In family. The large bott e contains ~
times Ms much A. the 6f,y cent bottle.
Kodol is prepared at the laborator-
les Of K. c. Dewitt Il Co., Chicago
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10

hu.te n m,-'na, and Wheele T.
thlbsiug tie ia Aey ss,lb the bush
e.. fired. Tue shoiv load cu'tr'd
D. Leon f,'". savvriae the t"bgu-,
peL"uu fc-a a. '-- iu'nu'"s. He VA,
n von min 60 % ,ear- aid
had t,.u m,r0.c .p'v s'-s months.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10
VALUE OF BRAIN

One good strategist is worth sew
eral armies. That is why Napoleon
could accomplish more than all his
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-06-10

Kodol supplies the same digestive
Juices that are found in a healthy
stomach. Being liquid, IT starts
digestion at once.
Kodol not only digests your food,
but helps you enjoy every mouthful
you eat.
You need sufficient amount Of
good, wholesome food TO maintain
strength and health.
But, this food must be digested
thoroughly, otherwise the pains Of
indigestion and dyspepsia are the
result.
When your stomach cannot do its
work properly. take something TO
help your stomach. Kodol is the
only thing that will give the stom-
ach complete rest.
WhyS Because Kodol does the
same work as strong stomach, and
does II In q natural way.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1909-12-23
Horrible Natural Gas
Explosion at Lansford
Ia. G.. Banks Residence Blown to Pieces-Mr
Banks and Mr.. Weaver Are Seriously Burned
Seven People In House at the Tine--
House Raised Six Feet From
Its Foundation

vicinity, and the next day thousands.
visited the scene Of the accident and
could hardly believe their eyes when
they saw what havoc had been
wrought. w.
The north and west sides OF the.
residence were forced out from the
base fully eight feet. Doors, with their
castings were blown completely out of
the house. A coal bucket in the
kitchen was blown up into the ceiling
where it still hangs. ALL of tho.
stoves in the house were completely
overturned.
The injured men are being made
as comfortable as possible and 1t is
expected that they will be able to
be out in about two, weeks.
While the accident is deplored, it
will serve as a caution for the others
who are putting in gas here. The
people have been warned to test the
pipes with a 80 pound pressure when
ever putting in gas, and also making:
a test of all the joints with a torch.
In this way, accidents Of this kind
will be avoided. ...,7,~
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1909-12-23
Hovey Wrote
Many Letters

Public Administrator Clark Hovey
returned from jamestown where he
went in company with the deputy sher.
if, to take Mike Eberle to the asylum.
Eberle is the hobo who was picked
up in Minot in demented condition.
Mr.. Hoyey says the fellow gave him
the address of eight of his supposed
friends to confer with for assistance,
but out of the eight letters which he
wrote all but two were returned. Two
former friends of the man lived at
New Ulm, MINI. .,.....
Ward county has forty patients at
the jamestown insane asylum. The
patients are given as much freedom
as. possible, during the day time ming
ling with each other as freely as a
bunch of ladies at woman's conven.
ton. 4-.@