The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-10-01
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Yes; he's all the time kicking.
Mr.. summerboard (politely) Shall
I help myself to the beans? Hired
Man-You will II you git emmy!
Knicker-When he graduated he
thought he would save the State.
Bocker-And now he Is trying to save
q dollar week.
your wife doesn't seem to care
much for that friend of yours" mo;
he's the man l lay the blame on when
I'm detained downtown"
who's that homely girl you spoke
to?" "sir, that lady has promised to
be my wife," Cheer up. Lots of
women don't keep their promises"
Editor-What are you writing7 Re.
porter-A race with death. Editor
Say we call that race off and get II
up in some other form this time.
Tve moved to the country now,
and planted garden" Anything
coming up?" Sure. My wife's family
is coming up to spend the summer"
she-Better join our picnic party.
He-What's the use, when can more
easily enjoy warm lemonade and sand.
wiches with ants on 'em in my back
yard?
Customer Cooking at electric fans)
NO, l don't believe care for
secondhand fan. Dealer (waving his
hands)-vy? Ain secondhand air as
good as any?
Hub-Reckless and extravagant-I?
When did l ever make useless pur-
chase? Wife-Why, there's that fire
extinguisher you bought year ago;
we've never used 1t once.
II don't believe in hiding my light
under a bushel," remarked young Sap
leigh. "You would be foolish to do
so," rejoined Miss Slashem, when a
pint cup would more than hide It,"
Fond Mother-Tommy, darling, this
Is your birthday! What would you
like to do? Tommy, Darling (after
moments refectlon)- think should
enjoy seeing the baby spanked.-Ft
garo.
"It's hard to lose a beautiful
daughter" said the wedding guest
sympathetically "It's blamed sight
harder to lose the homely ones" re-
piled the old man who had several
yet to go.
Mean thing!" exclaimed Mrs. New.
lived; "ft's just brutal Of you to call
1t this stuff You said you'd be glad
II I baked my own bread" Eyes,
DEAR" replied the brute, 'but I didn't
say you should bake NINE"
Critic (as the composer plays his
last piece)-Very fine indeed But
what is that passage which makes the
cold chills run down the back? Com.
poser-That is where the wanderer
has the hotel bill brought to him.
Fliegende Blaetter.
Mr.. udworthy-Rather clever fell
low, that young Dudelong, don't you
think? Miss Pewstules-I really could
not tell. He scarcely uttered word
the whole time he was here Mr.. Bud
worthy-Sly dog! He knows when ha
is at his best.-Puck.
How did you manage to see every
thing In Rome inside of two days?"
We'll, you see, we got up early, my
wife went to the shops, my daughter
to the picture galleries, and took In
the restaurants. In the evening we
compared notes. "-Fliegende Blatter.
Miss Passay-This gold dollar was
given to me by my grandfather when
| was christened. 1t was just coined
shortly after my birth. See, 1t is dat.
ed 1880. Miss Sharpe-Yes, how con
siderate Of them to have the coiner
date 1t so far ahead.-Philadelp
Press.
Towne-It's all we'll enough to raffts-
about forgiving our enemies, but, ]
tell you, it's a hard thing to do
Browne-That's what 1t Is. We should
not be expected to forgive our enemies
except when they freely admit thai
they don't deserve our forgiveness
Philadelphia Press.
She (indignantly)-Why did you
fail to keep your appointment with
me yesterday? Helm awfully sorry,
but was compelled to wait in a res
taurant until it was too late. She
(icily)-Pardon me, but I thought
YOU had position in bank wasn't
aware that you were a waiter.-Tit.
Bits.
Merchants Wife (suddenly appear
Ing in her husbands ofice)-Ha! ]
thought you said your typewriter girl
was an old maid? Merchant (much
confused )-Um-er, yes, m'dear, OF
course, of course; but she is sick to
day, and she sent her little grand
daughter as Observation-Disclosures
phia Record.
Epicure this steak Is posi-
lively bad. 1t must be three weeks
old. Waiter-Ah, pardon, monsieur!
have made re meestake, and have
brought you ze venison. Epicurean--
venison? Oh, yes! Then you may
leave It. (Tastes IT'D All! to be sure
1t IL venison; and very nice, too
very nice, indeed!-Town Topics.
Mrs. de Temper Cooking up from
the paper)-Weu I declared Another