Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1909-07-16
Brerities.

Teacher-JameS. what Is grammar?
James (alias Jimmie)-Grammar Is
the science which learns us how tc
speak correct.-Life.
As people get older and see real
trouble they wonder that they ever
cried because rain fell on n picnic
Atchison Globe.
Hewitt-ln this world man is either
hammer or an anvil. Jewett-You
mean either an automobile or a pedes
trian.-New York Press.
Knicker-Why did you ride with
such a reckless chauffeur?
Bocker-To keep from being run
Dver.-New York Sun.
Stella-What bankrupted him?
Della-Iis wife dressed so that peo-
pie wouldn't think he was becoming
bankrupt.-St. Louis Times.
Ethel-Mother. Miss Bruce told us
such funny thing about the cuckoo
today. (Mysterionsly, 1t doesn't lay
its own eggs.-Punch.
All employees In the Netherlands
who are boarding with their employers
are entitled to medical treatment for
Mt least six weeks.
".Arc you IN pain. my little man.
asked the kind old gentleman.
l..
Is In me-
"What Is the west side Of n little
boys trousers?''
1T Is where the son sets. Am ]
right ?"-LOndon Scraps
The Man-Yes. It's n pretty hat.
The LADY, bought 1t on your &C.
count.
The Man-Yes. you generally do.
"Case of kidnapping up at our house
this morning"
THAT so, Call the police?"
"NO: called the kid. He'd oversight"
Inks In which iron Is an ingredient
keep better in earthcn Jars than In
glass bottles. as exposure to light has
tens decomposition.
Liberty Is worth whatever country Is
worth. 1t Is by liberty that man has
country; 1t Is by liberty he has rights.
Henry Giles.
The Turks like melody and are par
ticularly devoted to flutes. They have
Seven different kinds Of this musical
instrument.
"You say the play was entirely with.
out villain"
"ies-that Is. II you choose to omit
the author
A peculiar poison. the use Of which
Is attributable to English gypsIes. kills
domestic animals. but does not render
their flesh unsafe to eat.
CleOpatra's Needle, the famous ODE.
lisk on the Thames embankment. Lon
don. Is one solid piece Of stone 20 feet
high and 1S6 tons In weight.
Freddie-Your father told me that I
was the black sheep Of the family.
Gertie-What did you say? Freddie
Bah.-Comic Cuts.
Aha" snid the Pullman porter as he
drew the flask from under the passen-
gers pillow. Il have learned the Sc
cret of his berthr'-Judge.
The Skeptic-IIow do you suppose
Noah could see during all that flood
and darkness. The Believer-He prob
ably had arc lights aboard.
you speak with great positiveness
about the sincerity Of our friends reli-
giOn."
There can be no doubt whatever Of
his sincerity" was the answer. "Why,
sir. that man would rather 60 to
church on Sunday than play golf."-
Washington Star.
One day when there was fish for din
ner little Edna said. Mamma, l know
what a shad is"
What is 1t. dear" Queried her
mother.
Its a porcupine turned outside in"
was the little ones triumphant expla-
natiOn.-ChicagO News.
A small boy went to see his maternal
grandmother. After looking eagerly
round the handsomely furnished room
where the old lady sat he exclaimed
inquiringly:
"Oh. grandma. where Is the miser-
able table papa says you keepY'-Lon-
don Fun.
Waiter I'm expensive uptown hotel
restaurant)-Will you have sugar In
your coffee?
Mrs. Nurich-I don't see 1t on the
bill Of fare.
Waiter-There is no charge for sugar,
madam.
Mrs. Nurich-No; thank you!-Puck.
Mrs. HandOut-If you would wash
your face, comb your hair, trim your
beard and mend your clothes you could
secure employment.
Staggering Blow-Y-yes. lady. I've
been aware Nv dat fact fer Jest twen-
ty-seven years. but I'm jest es much
Obliged fer de warning