Arizona republican., 1909-07-08
MT. Dooley on the Tariff
s-s # '-s

tea. Newspapers, nuts an nuX Vom-
 ica ar-re free. Ye can take tn Lon-
 don Times now. But that ain't all.
 be amy means. They've removed tn
 jooty on Pulu.- didn't think thy'd go
 that far but in spite iv tn protests
 iv tn Pulu foundhries iv Sheyboy-
 gan, they ruthlessly sthruck it firm
 tn list iv jootyable articles. Ye know
 what Pulu is, iv coorse, an I'm sure
 yell be glad to know that this re-
 freshing bivirage or soop is on tn
 free list. Sinitor Root in behalf iv
 the pulu growers iv New York ob-
 jicted but Sinitor Aldrich was firm.
 No, sir he says, we must not tax
 anything that enters into tn daily
 life iv tn poor he says. While not
 a dhrinkin' man mesilf, am no bigot
 an I wud not deny amy artisan his
 scuttle iv pulu,' he says. So Pulu
 was put on tn free list an iv coorse
 Zapper an Alazarin had to go on,
 too, as it is on'y be addin' thim to
 pulu that ye can make axle grease.
 There was a gr-reat sthruggle
 over canary bur-rd seed. Riprisinta-
 tives iv tn Chicago packers insisted
 that in time canary b1r'rds cud be
 taught to eat pork chops Nanny
 sinitors thought that / tn next step
 wud be to take tn jooty off cutie
 fish bone an thus sthrike a blow at
 tn, very heart iy our productive sys-
 tenn. But Sinitor Tillman, who is a
 gr-reat frind iv tn canary bur-rd an
 is niver seen without wan perched on his wrist which he has taught to
 swear, put up a gallant fight fir his
 protegees an. thousands fv canary
 bur'rds sang with a lighter heart that night Canary bur-rd seed will be very cheap this year an amy Amer lcan wurrukin' man that keeps a ca nary bur-rd needn't go to bed hun gry. There ought to be some way iv teachin' their wives how to cook it.. It wud make a nourishin' dish whin ye have whetted ye'er face on a piece iv cutie fish bone. It is betther fir tn voice thin corned beef an cab baGe. I'm sure that tn reason Amer wurrukin men don't hop around an sing over their wurruk is because they are improperly fed.
 Yes, sir, canary bur-rd seed is free. What else? Lookin' down th' list I see that divvy- diyvy is free also. This was let in as a compIi- ment to Sinitor Aldrich It's his motto. Be tn inthraduction iv this harmless dhrug into tn discussion hes been able to get bill through that's satisfacthry to ivrywan. But l msurprised to see. that Spunk is on tn free list. Is our spunk indus three dead?. Is there no pathrite to demand that We be proticted against tn pauper spuk iv Europe? Maybe me frind Willum Taft had it put on tn free list. l see in a pa-aper tn other day that what was needed at tn white house was a little more spunk. But does he have to import it firm abroad. l ask ye? Isn't there enough American spunk?
 Well, sir, there are few iv tn things that are on tn free list. But there are others, mind ye. Here's some iv thim: Apatite, hogs bris- ties, wurruks iv art more thin twin ty years o,d, kelp, marshmallows, life boats, silk worms eggs, stilts, skele- tons, turtles an leeches. Tn, new tariff bill puts these familyar com modities within tn reach iv all. But there's a bigger surprise waitin' fir ye. l suppose ye've been world a good deal about how much it was goin' to cost ye to get ye'er this years yacht through tn custom house. Ye were, weren't ye? I've noticed it. We've had to pinch here an there. We've given up smokin' Whin ye'er wife come to ye an told ye she was goin' to buy a new hat ye've said: Hadn't ye betther put it off till We see what we have to pay in jooties on that new six thousand horse power, tOOrbine yacht that ye so foolishly Ordhered whin ye were in England visitin' Andhrew Carnay- gie.' Well, sir, ye can tell ye'er wife to go dow nan ordher tn biggest peach basket in tn window. fir, Hin missy, me boy, firm now on yachts can be imported free. Here it is if ye don't believe me: Yachts free iv jooty.' Thim. simple wurruds will bring a new hope to nanny a toiler an whin ye go sailin' off to ye5erl with ye5er shovel on ye5er shouldher next winter ye can thank. Nelson Aldhrich that ye don't have to buy an autynObill or walk, l
 ''Ye feel betther now about undher-. wear -costin' Jess s-thin-a-dollar-tw -twinty. five-a-dosen-forty-p cint, don't ye? Well, I've saved tn best fir tn last lehlih' aetoilUtr B.cmfw emf cmcm What dye think ends tn free list? | I'll give ye twinty chances an yell | liver guess. Blankets? No. Sugar? | Wrong. Flannel shirts? Thry to be | I little practical, Hinnissy Sinitor | Aldhrich ain't no majician. Well, I might as well tell ye if yere heart is an ye can stand a joyful | Ar-re ye ready? We'll, thin joss sticks an opyum fir smokin' | ir-re on tn free list, If they ain'tl I'm a Chinyman an if they. are I'll De wan pretty soon How. often have
 envied me friend Hop Lung whin II zee him burnin his priceless jossl sticks while I had to worship with tn infeerYor stench put up in GrandI Rapids Michigan. How often have I teen him lyin' on top iv me weeks vashin pullin' away at tn. savry | 'ooster brand an dhreamin' he was h Impror iv Chiny while I've had | O contint mesilf with stogy that rive me a headache. But that dayI s passed. Me good an great frind r'm Rhode Island has made me tn tkel iv amy Chink that iyer rolled pill. Tn tariff bill wudden't be complete without that there item. But it ought to read: 'Opyum f'r mokin while readin' tn tariff: bill