The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1909-03-18
Good Things from Everybody's.
OTHERS HAD TRIED IT.

LIE pOuce-COuTI magistrate OI a town
in southern Kentucky was walking down
the street one November evening with
his friend John Markham, distiller.
Judge said Mr.. Markham, ''have
you ever tried my Number One brand of
Old Markham"
'No, John," admitted the judge, ''but
who had tried it.
GRATEFUL.
A patronizing young lord was seated
opposite the late James McNeill Whist
Ter at dinner one evening. During hull
in the conversation he adjusted his mon
ocle and leaned forward toward the art
list.
saw, " know, Mr.. Whistler" he
drawled, 81 pahssed your house this
mawning."
Thank you," said Whistler quietly.
''Thank you very much.
ANY ONE WOULD DO.
In speech before the Wellesley Club
recently, Augustus Thomas told this
story about Nat Goodwin:
''Say, Nat" said Willie Collier to Mr..
Goodwin as they were coming out of the
Lambs Club shortly after the latter's
marriage to Miss Goodrich, Invite me to
one Of your weddings some time, won't
your
NOT SUCH FOOL.
1t was said of certain village "inno-
cent? or fool in Scotland that if he were
offered silver six-pence or copper
penny he would invariably choose the
larger coin of smaller value. One day a
stranger asked him:
why do you always take the penny?
Don't you know the difference in value?"
aye" answered the fool, 81 ken the
difference in value. But if l took the
saxpence they would never try me
again.
A MODIFICATION.
"I'm terror, l be-" announced the
new arrival in Frozen Dog to one of the
men behind the bar.
"Be ye?''
''Takes three men to handle me, once |
get started" he went on.
ooh, well" he remarked as he arose
painfully and busted off his clothes," of
course if ye're short handed, l suppose
two kin do it on pinch"
LUCKY.
Little Johnnie, who had been praying
baby brother, finally became discouraged.
Il don't believe Cod has any more little
boys to send,'' he told his mother, land
Pm going to quit it..
Early one morning not long after this
he was taken into his mothers room to
see twin boys who had arrived in the
night. Johnnie regarded them thought
fully for some minutes.
Gee" he remarked finally, ''it's a
good thing stopped praying when did. -
THE NATURAL INFERENCE.
A lady who had arranged an authors
reading at her house succeeded in per-
suading her reluctant husband to stay
home that evening to assist in receiving
the guests. He stood the entertainment
as long as he could-three authors, to be
exact-and then made an excuse that he
was going to open the front door to let in
some fresh air. In the hall he found one
of the servants asleep on settee.
"Wake upp' he commanded shaking
the fellow roughly. ''What does this
mean, your being asleep out here? You
must have been listening at the keyhole. )"
BREAKING THE NEWS.
Patrick arrived home much the worse
IOf wear. OIle eye Was CloSeu, Ills HoSe
was broken, and his face looked as
though it had been stung by bees.
"Glory bev' exclaimed his wife.
"Thot Dutchman Schwartzheimer-
twas him." explained Patrick.
Shame on ye!" exploded his wife with
out sympathy. ga big shpalpeen the
loikes of you to get bate up by a little
omadhoun of Dootchman the size of
him! Why"
whist, Nora,' said Patrick, don't
spake disrepectfully of the dead!'
OUT OF HIS HANDS.
Uncle Nose, needing money; sold his
pig to the wealthy Northern lawyer who
had just bought the neighboring planta-
ton. After time, needing more money
he stole the pig and resold it, this time
to Judge Pickens, who lived down
the road apiece Soon afterward the
two gentlemen met, and upon compar-
ing notes, suspected what had happened.
They confronted Uncle Nose. The old
darky cheerfully admitted his guilt.
"Wel," demanded Judge Pickens,
what are you going to do about it?''
BLESSED of know, Jedge," replied
Uncle Nose with broad grin. Use
no lawyer. reckon III have to let yo'
two gen men settle it between yo' selves. ,