The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-04-08
WO wi EN- ARE
WISE
unole Henry Shows What
Chance a Poor Man Has.

no SENSE OF Hu4HOr, SdlQ Uncle Henry,
Numbering about four dollars worth
of complicated gestures, deserves to
be-say. any man who is so bald-head-
ed on the inside as to suppose that
women don't know a joke when they
see IL deserves to be-well, son, my
gracious, he deserves to be married.
And that's all there is to it.
Did you see this? Did you read
this in the papers? BY gum, it's a
corker. Listen here.
"A young idiot goes and enlists in
the navy They give him some blue
clothes and a black eye. slop bucket
and a light breakfast, and set him to
work improving the complexion of the
starboard watch ahoy. Say he was
sore all over
Had girl ashore. too. Fact is, she
put him up TO it. Wei, sir, he was in
and he couldn't get out SO he mani
cured the trais work, learned to say
'Yessir and Nosir. and click his heels
and salute every time any gold braid
came along, aud after awhile his time
was up.
Then listen 'Nomore discipline. he
says No more bowling and scraping,
he says. No more being afraid to call
your soul your own he says. Not
with the girl on shore ready to marry
me- he says. I'm through with dis
cipline and backing water for life, he
says. And he skiddoed right out of
the navy like he was almost human
Then. By gracious, what does he
do? Well, sir, by gum, he goes right
off and marries the girl. Think it
over, son; take it easy and get the
meat out OF it. That's right go ahead
and laugh. Honest. can you beat it?
Goes right home, he does, right out
of the navy, and msrries the girl
Never waited to get the crick out OF
his back, even. Tried of discipline he
was. And he goes right of and gets
married! Wanted a chance TO call his
soul HIS own he did. And as soon as
he gets II living show he beats right
out and becomes husband Regular
husband, by gracious, and before that
he was only a sailor
But the girl. son; the girl Wasn't
she the goods? Can you see it? Does
1t get to you, the whole business?
There she was, just an ordinary
sort of female woman girl person.
Nothing extra, understand, like as
though she was bigger than he was, or
could throw straight, or anything No,
sir, regular straight, average girl.
And there he was High and
mighty sort of a male man. Used to
go out with the boys and come back
with the katzenjammer Stood up
straight and looked 'em over. Regular
unmarried sort of a guy. Wouldn't
take nothing from nobody.
Now, see Pipe the foxy fossie.
She was over seven. What chance
would she stand with him? Nix SO
what does she do? She pumps him
full of saltwater literature She hands
him over to the myrmidons of the
quarterback and lets them beat the
fear that cometh with understanding
into him with 16-inch gun. Say, son,
it was grand
Then she waits for him TO come
out. Grins as he plunges over to her
little cottage door And when he says:
VIII your she gets red in the face
trying 10 frame up You betcher lifei'
in some more modest and retiring sort |
of language
Would she? Would she be his? |
Would she? Holy hopping hoopskirts,
what in the name of senses had she |
haen TRAINING him foro NV0ul5 sha ho |
his? In a minute II she had not al. |
ready decided that he was going to |
he hers And say, son, what chance |
has a man got against a game like |
that?
BY gracious. you got to give her
credit. You got to give 'em all credit
They're wise, son; they're wise They |
go out to tea fights and bargain matt
nees of an afternoon and sit there like
butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.
Along comes one of us mere men with
a pair of squeaky patent feathers and
weeks pay in his kick and he looks
in at EN- and he says to himself:
There's a nice, quiet, tame, innocent
looking bunch For two cents I'd 60
In and give 'em a look
And all the time the girl nearest
the window is saying to the petite
lamb alongside: There's big hulk Of
nothing with face like a pan Of stale
fudge piping us through the window.
Shall we make him come in and tie a
few knots in him?' No, says moth
er's ownest lamb, putting on a
MISUNDERSTANDING expression.
Let's wait until the caramels are
gone, and then Wen go out and throw
the hooks into a couple of live ones
Honest, son. what chance in this
wide, wide world has a poor, unde-
fenseless critter like a man is until
somebody wakes him up from his
dream, got with frame-up like that?
Say, he hasn't got any more show
than l have when my wife gets going.
Only l know enough to beat it before
it begins to thunder That's expert
once, that's what that is, and expert
ence doesn't come in box like crack
pre