The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-09-19


 the big doings for Hank and Bob.
 Hank and Bob whoT' asked the House Detective. Sounds like some vaudeville team gittin' up penehe for themselves"
 "Not aft all" said the Hotel Clerk. gro strangers they may still be Hua- son and Fulton, but they're informally Hank and Bob to friends at home In New York Probably if they were aliVe and well New York would give them the loud, derisive guffaw for trying to do someth ing that wasn't strictly ac cording to the Broadway rules anu regulations. But being as they are thoroughly and satisfactorily deceased wa,ra going to club in and pull off 1i+tla to-do in their honor that's cal culated to make both gents go scout tho around the Spiritland actlhB hauehty and supercilious toward Oip. Africanus and Mike J. Germanicus anu Charley Mange of France, ana the res. of those old big Leaguers that hao triumphant processions or helr own from time to time. When great nial is alive it's the pleasing NC" babit to burlesque him on the rooi gardens and make musical comeoy ea es about the way he trims ms TOT iape But when he's been dead long enough for us to forget his slde Whlsh CTS and remember only his Vlrtues' we erect a monument that can De reauiV recognized as his by reao>Sg the hahie on the pedestal, and in his honor we devise historical pageants whicn havo the hearty approval of every hotei keeper in town. 'T1s much the 'olo with our great exposltions. Every no" and then we spend six months pulling off a worlds fair to commemorate an event that nobody paid any particular attention to at the time 1t was nap pening. ,,.or Larry. a pioneer of progress Is hereiy an intensified nuisance. He goes pot tertng around, gassing apout ms loo l.., ish discoveries and irritating us VIII rI.a bis air of superior knowledge. His raIa+ivas are ashamed of him and ms 1uifa has to live home with her folks bacauaa he spends all his money max ,ne smelly experiments. But aIter no heen dead a suitable length or time ws o1l chin in to erect memorial arch that we'd have been pleased to nahs him to when he was alive.
 "Some day gent comes around wl.n ' the subscription paper. fou Anom s.s Irind of party that always comes nrnund with the subscription paper. In . smaI town he belongs to the Masohs, tha odd Fellows, and the Woodmen ana has been an Elk almost long enousn to be an Eagle. He serves on a,i Sie stondine committees, attends all the funerals and gets up the resolutions of respect But in New forh ne is on honorary vice president or all tns up lift movements and belongs lo aIt u reform parties. And ne oonies to you with the paper. ,.
 ".what's this for?' you say 70 niin' suspiciously. "A fund to provide suil- able tribute to the memory or the ia.e Alonzo cezookums,' he says. I've nearo noy father speak of him., you say. Wasn't he the one they called Dlppy Lon. that died in the poornouse! lhe same.' he says. "His was sau ia'e' hut his immortal invention, the seiI-opeh- ,ng egg was one of the greatest boons ta buuanitv and we are going to erect . neat monument to him, costing about . million and a half So you hand over ,,our share and eventually we perpetuate the lineaments and Pigments Of Aionzo Cezookums in figure that IS suHerihs from white swelling in both of its Parlah marble legs. .s..,.
 "A genius, Larry, Is crank tna. died. The longer he's been oeao, tne more of a genius he is Distance ienus enchantment, as the poet says si. s,.s rsaas ,,oy,s interest on the investment. Sir Isaac Newton sitting under an apple tree, dop- ins o,,t the attraction of gravitatlon rom tbo stgnificant fact that the early June ninnin fell downward instead or going ,,n is one of the master minds Of his tnrv to you and me. but I'll bet you the neiehbors talked about the way he ioafed a,n,'nd the orchard while he might have heen helping Mrs. Newton with the house r,ork When Harvey discovered the ctr- culation of the hlood there was popu- lar movement to take him out ana toast him at the stake, but now we, knoW ,, he in ienorance of the delightful germ theory which has filled us with suspicious toward the drinking water and our old