davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
DOWN WITH HooDLUMISM.
New York Sets Example which Is
EminentIy Worth Following Up.

New York Sets Example which Is
EminentIy Worth Following Up.
From the New York Globe.
Police Commissioner Baker did a good
days work yesterday by his roundup Of
subway and elevated railroad rowdies.
Manifestations OF hoodlumism on the
streets-a great change from the old days
has become agreeably rare. but for
some mysterious psychological reason
boys and young men. stnI seem possessed
OF the notion that when they buy a
green or red ticket they purchase the
privilege OF molesting passengers
The evil has been steadily growing, and
ii IS high time 10 break Il Up.
Something Is 20 be allowed 20 exuber-
ance OF youthful spirit. but when II takes
the form OF swinging baseball bats IN
crowded aisles or OF impTomptu boxing
matches. or OF offending ears with pro-
fame and obscene language. there is a call
for the plain clothes policeman 70 get
busy. This mistaken idea OF what con
stitutes fun should be allowed 20 evapor-
ate while in the seclUsion OF the work
house. The young tough makes the fu-
ture criminal-the descent from a minor
To a major infraction OF the law is
speedy.
Adolescent humorists who feel q pen
chant 10 throw things and 70 kick and
jostle should be made to feel that such
pasumes are risky. Even the Ioudest and
most obsreperous can be persuaded Of
this fact, and the crusade should be kept
up until the rowdy Is suppressed. It is
not a big reform. but one eminently
worth sftectng.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
OBITUARY POETRY.

The mourning widow clothed black takes Nd her pe and
tries whak at heapng wreah of rhyme upon her darling hus
band lately gone Friends and physicians could not save nv
loved John Henry from the grave he red Up when the dawn
gray and gave whoop and passed away as he is now so
you must be- therefore, prepare marry me-" She loved John
Henry and her tear Of sorrow for him sincere maybe from
his present place he looks silent space and nru to
other wrath: my wife writing rhyme in faith But
all pecters my wife who sent me here With
loving hands she fed bread nutritious pig lead was
her kind of lemon pies that scoong the skies she al
ways fried son steak and made my heart and stomach ache
at making jam for weeks she toed and me eat wien
spoiled she fed doughnu tough thck-you couldn't
break EN- with pick and O. the pancakes that she made The
sadder used EN- his She loved me while she killed me
off, and didn't gibe sco but my fodder like man.
and joined this ghosly caravan" War Mason.
by GsrEsN AauAJ
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
The American Girl.

American social ways and manners are
the subject OF much and growing for
eign comment. It is wholesome for the
thoughtful patriot to have a glimpse Of
the foreign view. Sensible Americans
are wiling to be judged. since they may
thereby better Judge themselves In fact.
self-criticism not seldom ADDS savor 70
the salt OF reflective American wit. But
this land has been subjected 10 the re-
view Of a journalist from far Bengal.
and to see ourselves through the eyes
OF a Hindu may be interesting, Il not
profitable. It is the American girl who
has attracted the arrows OF this pagan
critic. His chief indictment is that of
deception. He declares that the girl in
the United States who is courted does
her utmost to make herself agreeable
70 the suitor. She hides flaws OF tenn
perament. She conceals physical all
ments. She DISCUSSES bad temper. She
paints and powders. Worst OF all. these
arts are so transparent that they must
tickle the vanity OF the aspirant ror her
favor. All OF these deceptions. false al
lurements, and little hypocrisies are d.
rected. IN the view OF this East indian
toward securing a husband and home.
This is not a pleasing picture. The i'm
pulse Of the American girl will be to de-
clare that it is not a portrait. She must
know better than can any one else. It Is
a natural inquiry. II these criticisms be
true, how this foreign and unfamiliar
observer penetrated all the barriers OF
disguise. Are. then. our feminine wells
so thin7 II may be suggested that we
have no zenanas. The ways of the
American wife and daughter are the
ways OF open candor. Their hospitality,
to those who win entrance through its
portals. is as frank as cordial But even
so. the divine mystery OF womanhood
persists IN lending its elusive charm. It
defes the analysis OF cold criticism.
whether native or foreign In this, as in
other instances OF alien observation. ths
American girl can prove her own and
sufficient champion.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
Prohibition in Alabama.

Alabama proposes 10 try out the expert
ment Of prohibition exhaustively. The
present legislature has fashioned about
the most comprehensive. and certainly
the most strenuous. law on the subject
ever put on the statute books of any
State in the Union. and il will be more
than mildly interesting to watch and see
what comes OF IT,
Under the provisions OF this fearful
and wonderful enactment no liquors
may legally be sold or given away. no
advertisement OF liquors may be printed
in any newspaper or periodical or appear
on any billboard no railroad may leave
car containing liquor standing on a side
track. no place OF sale or for the han
ding of any kind OF merchandise may be
called a saloon" officers Of the law
are empowered TO raid any place what
soever on suspicion. and the possession
OF an internal revenue license IS declared
to be prima facie evidence Of intent TO
violate the law. whether any liquors are
actually found or not No corporation
may bring, or cause 70 be brought, into
the State any liquor. on pain OF forfeit
ing IT'S charter. Clubs wherein liquors
are kept for Individual use are specifically
declared to be illegal. and membership in
the same Is presumptive evidence OF in
tent 10 commit a misdemeanor
We have no means Of knowing
whether the State OF Alabama will uphold
such a law as this. of course. but we
think, on the whole. It is just as well
that the legislature find out. Gov. Conner
must think Alabama wants this sort OF
regulation. and surely the legislature may
be considered 70 have done the imme-
diately popular thing m enacting 1t. II
Alabama really desires iron-clad prohibl-
tion. this law surely would seem to give
Il TO the people IF the law cannot be
enforced in the new circumstances set
up. we imagine advocates OF prohibition
may as we'll throw up their hands and
admit defeat The legislature has made
It a high crime to have anything what
ever TO do with liquor. and It would.
doubtless. make It a felony even to
think OF it II il we're sure such a pro-
vision might be carried into effect
Well there is an old saying that the
best way 10 get rid OF a bad law is to
make It as obnoxious as possible: and
II Alabama does not. in IT'S heart Of
hearts. want prohibition. the prohibi-
tionists. by such legislation as this. seem
likely enough to defeat their own pur-
poses sooner or later. II the State. on
the other hand, is dead in earnest about
prohibition. Il owes Il to itself 70 enact
the most rigid laws that can be devised
within tho constitution 10 see that prohi-
ton IS had not only IN form. but in sub
stance as we'll.
We have an idea. however that Ala
bama is going TO know a good deal more
about what it thinks OF prohibition after
It has experienced a few moro years OF
IL than II knows now
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
The Rural Postman.

II IS elementary and familiar 10 say
that the postal service is not expected to
return a~hnancial profit to the govern
rnent It's administration IS expected to
be both economical and efficient. Per
haps in its varied operations there is no
activity OF more widespread benefit and
Of greater popularity than the rural free
delivery. The thirteenth anniversary Of
it's establishment merits the recognition
that It is to receive in October Tho serv-
ice has grown from its initial Eve routes
to nearly 1900, and now reaches nearly
quarter OF our entire population. Since
its beginning It has cost an average OF
nearly S12OOO,OOO a year. Now its annual
deficit Is about s4O.OOO,O0O. with an upward
tendency: but Il would be difficult to cite
another executive outlay that results IN
more general popular satisfaction. It
would be an interesting inquiry, II It
were possible to hnd a definite answer.
whether free rural delivery adds to the
contentment OF the isolated life There
can be no doubt as to It's contribution OF
enlightenment. II that result involve dis
content with the more or less placid mo-
notony OF rural life. the discomfort may
be Of the wholesome kind that stirs to
striving for wider mental outlook. But
logically. this daily communication with
the outer world OF other activities ought
TO make the life OF the farm more at
tractive During the long. hard days OF
summer toll. the recurrent presence OF
newspaper and magazine in the farm
house offers a wholesome, even II brief.
mental diversion from thoughts OF tired
muscles and anticipation OF the early
morning summons In the moro relaxed
days OF winter. the daily mail brings
many an hour OF uplifting recreation to
isolated householders. supplemented by
the rural telephone. it keeps the back
waters constantly eddying in sympathy
with swifter currents. It's quiet. constant
operation Is worth a thousand official
commissions appointed TO investigate the
mental condition OF the man who bends
his back at the source Of wealth. It
makes not only better. but happier citi-
zens and patriots. It's benefits are not
merely theoretical. but visible and tangi-
bic. The rural letter carrier is the ally
OF the district school teacher.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
Automobile Races.

Modern civilization w6uid find no en-
tertainment, but only horror in those
contests OF the arena between gladiators
or between prisoners OF war and wild
beasts that thrilled the faded patricians
and the bloodthirsty plebelans OF the
Roman empire Even the comparatively
bloodless bullhght. which still appeals to
Latins. has no charm for the more aes-
thetic Anglo-Saxon taste It is but nat
ural. then. that the tragic incidents Of
the automobile races at Indianapolis
should excite a feeling OF revuision. not
alone among the public. but among the
manufacturers OF automobiles. It is one
Of these who makes tho emphatic decia-
ration: 7 am through with the game
1t is not worth half the cost"
II is TO be hoped that other nauufac-
turers viii share this view. II they DO
not. then Il must remain for public
opinion to frown effectually upon such
contests. There are other reasons why
they should cease. As advertisements
only. they are highly expensive. and the
influence Of their results upon sales Is
not apparent The intelligent public ap-
preciates that these contests have been
quite as much between the drivers as
they have been tests OF the comparative
merits Of the machines. It is the nerve
and skill OF the man at the wheel that
count the most. What average riders
want IS the car Of practical trustworthi-
ness. that can be guided safely through
city streets or that can make tours across
country. uD hill snd down dale, con-
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
KTNG EDWARD,s JOE.
A Mechanics life seems Chrd's Play
ty Comparison.

fy Comparison.
Fsr.n the Boston Traveller.
Most everybody envies a king his Job:
the power. the majesty. the honor and
glamour appeals to most people. but IL Is
doubtful If there is a workman in the
community who works so hard and so
continuously as a king.
King Edward OF England is now almost
at the allotted age Of the prophet; he is
an old man. not well.
In one week in July he visited the Wei
lington and Rugby schools. opened new
buildings az Birmingham University and
the Victoria and Albert Museum a.
South Kensington: laid the foundation
stone OF the Imperial College OF Science
and Technology in London. At each place
he listened 10 the formal speeches Of the
authorities and made a speech in reply.
Other engagements during The week
were: Laying the foundation store OF the
New Kings College Hospital az Dulwich
opening of the Royal Inhrmatory at Man
chester; a dedication service at the Queen
Alexandra Hospital at Millbank. and an
inspection OF the military hospitals at
Aldershot: attended the Royal Agricul-
tural Society show az Gloucester; a re-
view OF the West Lancashire IerritoTiais
al Kinsley and the East Manchester Ter
ritorials at Worsley; received an address
at Liverpool; inspected the Honorable Ar
tillery Company; received the boys OF the
Greenwich Royal Hospital School at
Buckingham Palace; reviewed the Lon
don fire brigade at Hyde Park: attended
the military tournament the horse show
at Olympia; received the visiting mem
n.
ton from the Turkish Parliament, and
the members Of the Imperial Press Con-
gress; went 10 the opera. was present
az the customary court function visited
at his home Joseph Chamberlain, who
Is sick. and other persons In the city;
went 10 a horse race at Epson and at
Ascot and then went 70 Mar'enbad. In
Germany. for his health.
Compared with this weeks record, the
eight hours day Of the hardest working
mechanic Is child's play.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
THE PROSAIC EDELWEISs.
Mark Twain Is Not Enthusiastic on
the Subject, Thong Others Are.

Mark Twain Is Not Enthusiastic on
the Subject, ThOuE others Are.
From tho London Chronicle.
The fatal accidents 70 an English and
several other tourists engaged in search
ing for edelweiss revive ones astouish-
ment that people should risk their lives
for this plants sake As 10 the plant it.
self Mark Twain long ago said the last
word about the ugly Swiss favorite
called edelweiss. It's name seems 10 In
dicate that II is a noble flower and that
it is white II may be noble enough. but
IL Is not attractive. and Il is not white
The fuzzy blossom is the color Of bad
cigar ashes. and appears 70 be made Of
cheap quality Of gray plush" There re-
mains the supposed romance attaching to
Il. But. IN prosalc fact. the edelweiss
grows abundantly IN numbers OF moder-
aIely high. commonplace. and perfectly
safe spots. The present writer could go
straight 70 certain places near Pontresina
and ZinaL for instance. sure OF picking
edelweiss by the handful with no more
chance OF disaster than Box HnI Offers.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
Me1Iowdrammer ns Writ.

From September ETgyhOdyA
Suddenly the sun goes out and the
moon Is III.
The hero enters. He wears a blue
flannel shirt, overalls, cowhide boots,
and an expression Of conscious manly
beauty He would probably tip the
scales at an even 300 pounds. and the
veins IN his face resembled the Amazon
River in a physical geography. such are
his efforts TO make his embonpolnt look
Ike his chest.
He sighs wearily.
Il am starving" he says
Nobody laughs.
The moon shines more brightly.
The hero sighs again and sees the
heroine.
"whatr' he exclaims. You here little
oneT'
The heroine admits that she is there
The orchestra breaks forth into a sort
Of musical measles.
The hero walks across TO the heroine
Lowering HIS embonpoint about eight
inches. he seats himself tentatively upon
the stone wall. II sinks in the middle
After testing It carefully two or three
times and finding that it will bear his
weight he edges over beside the heroine
and drapes his strong right arm around
the equator Of her Mother Hubbard. She
rests her head on his shoulder and gazes
up into HIS Adonis-lixe features with an
expression that might be attributed with
perfect justice either to transcendent
trust or to chronic indigestion
"Ah, little one" says the hero. I love
you Ike I never thought I could love
no one before. When I see you, my
heart palpitates with the thrillin's OF
the divine passion an feel myself en-
nobled Le' me be thy knight an do
battle for thee in the lists O. life. Look
into my eyes an tell me that you love
me, too"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

tributing to the business. the happiness.
and the health Of their owners. Under
such reasonable conditions, and with the
persisteRt training Of chauneurs acci-
dents will decrease and the sale and
use Of automobiles will Increase espe-
caliy as their development viii tend. as
In the case OF the sewing machine and
other Inventions, toward cheaper produc-
ton. The automobile Is properly an
agent Of convenience. health. ana happ!-
ness; not Of strain. distress. and tragedy.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
ANOTHER MILEPOST PASSED.
The Last Step in the Conqusat OF the
Savage Indian.
Fnn Colnma

=
The opening OF three Indian reserva-
tions In the West and the parcellng OF
their share OF the public lands to the
Indians marks almost the last milestone
IN the conquest Of the savage. The In
dian becomes q hOmesteader. He takes
his place side by side with the white
farmer and rancher He has long slnce
ceased 20 roam in the old nomadic wav.
He confines himself 70 periodical visits
10 the towns and cities OF The whites.
where he looks with curious eyes upon
the puzzling novelties OF civilization. He
dlseards the blanket for trousers and gal
fuses. His daughter, gowned IN innocent
white, marches under evening shadows
20 the far-echoing toll Of the vesper bell
a minEling figure in the silent vesper pro-
cessional bis son Is a cornetist in the
reservation brass band. Thus the former
warrior lives and dies. the last vestige OF
dissOlving race. Here and there
throughout the West still remain rem
nants OF tribal life. pitiful figures that
lag superfuous upon a stage once swell
ing with the pomp OF paint and feathers
and nightmared with the holocaust OF
blood. II is not a far call from Fenimore
Cooper's Chingachgook 70 Chariot. the
chief Of the Flatheads. One was the war
rtor OF dying race on Atlantic shores.
the other IS the aged patriarch OF the last
Of the red mans power or the Pacific
Chariot has all the savage romanticism
with which Cooper's glowing pen en-
dowed the character Of his race. He has
always insisted that his name was forged
70 the treaty negotiated by James A
Garfield. then chairman OF an Indian
commission Vharehv fha E'1afbaaGg v,ro-o.
dispossessed OF their camping grounds in
the Bitter Root Valley Political injustice
II was that fomented the war. culminat-
Ing IN the battle OF the Big Hole. his
torically known as the march OF Chief
Joseph The policy OF the government
which turned these wards over TO the
care OF political ea-pet-baggers reacted
upon innocent heads and left Ehas0y
trail
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
THEN AND NOW.

Then-her length was tvcnty inches
Now-her waist is juss that girth.
Then-the moon was her desire,
NOT-she simply wants the earth
Ihen-she grasped small Tin rattlA
Now-she steers limousine
Then-her dress q simple cotton.
Now-it holds dazzling sheen.
Then-one ringlet crowned her forehead
Now-its piled with puhs and rat
Then-a little cap n worsted
Nova ffty-dollsz nat
Then-her words were few and nsuanz.
Now-she doesn't lisp she spiels.
Then-her little foot was sockieaS
Now-she wears DuBarry heels
Then-her drink Was white and luke-warn.
NOg-it's amber and is cold.
Ihen-t mnst be fresh-and sweetened.
Now-it's dry" and veIy old.
Ihen-lifs's pendulum swung slowly,
Now-it's moving pretty fast.
Thon--Mi Nina with future
Nog-Milady with past.
Natalie Price. 10 Lie.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

Prom the Philadelphia Times.
A cub reporter on an upstate paper
was sent out by the city editor to get a
story on the marriage Of a young society
girl and man well known in the city.
The cub was gone about an hour
and then returned and went aimlegsly
over 20 his desk. by which he sat down.
Shortly afterward the city editor noticed
his presence and his evident idleness.
Here Kid" shouted the superior
why aren't you at work on that we'd
ding7"
''Nothin' doing" replied the boy.
Nothing doing? What do you mean
Didn't the wedding take placer
Nope; the bridegroom never showed
UP. so there amt nothin' 20 write"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
MONDAY. AUGUST 80. 1909.
LET YOUR PAPER FOLLOW YOU.

The Washington Herald win be
mailed upon request 10 subscribers
leaving the city during the summer
months. Change OF address will be
made as frequently as desired: no.
tices OF such change should give
both the old and new address.
Notify your carrier or newsdealer
OF telephone direct to The WASH
ington Herald. 7S4 18th ST. NV. The
subscription rate Is the same out
OF town as In the city.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

From the Springfield oio) Republican.
With nine out OF ten women IN the
world buying their hair. in heavens
name. where does all the hair come from7
From the Houston Post.
With nine out Of ten men in the world
losing their hair, where, In heavens
name, does all the hair go tor
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
Rrench of Etinuettn.

From tbs Boston Transcript.
The two women stopped IN front OF a
dentists showcase on fremont street
There, mamma" said the younger wom-
an, pointing, Il want a set just like
that"
Hush, my child" commanded her
mother. don't you know that it's vulgar
to pick your teeth on the streetT''
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

A committee Of the New York legisla-
ture. now junketing through the West IN
search Of information about direct pri-
Inaries. excites some humorous comment.
A Topeka journal advises the investiga-
tors 70 get their information from the
libraries at home. A Chicago newspa-
per praises thus the investigators fer
going 10 a baseball game: They must
have been impressed by the fact that
each candidate for a hit as he stepped
up 70 the plate. was given an absolutely
fair chance for Il BY the nine hostile
electors spread out around him. Each
man stood sQuarely on mis- own merits.
without any hidden machinery OF corrup-
ton 10 aid or 10 thwart him. This Is one
characteristic OF the direct primary which
appeals most strongly 10 the people. and
we doubt not that II is an embodiment
Of Democracy that strikes an equal spark
In the breasts Of Senator Pat McCarren
and his Observation-Disclosures"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
We Need EN-, Too.

From the New York Herald.
A clergyman out In Omaha was hit by
three automobiles within FIVE minutes and
suffered only slight bruises and the loss
OF his temper. Wonder If those Omaha
chauffeurs can't be induced to come
East?
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

Mr. Wellman has made three unsuc-
cessful dashes for the north pole. and
Mr. Bryan has made three unsuccess-
ful dashes fer the White House Neither
has said. however. that he VIII not try.
try again
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

In reading about automobile races, most
persons think only OF the skill and peril
OF the driver. But the mechanician PLAYS
his perilous part. A local account OF the
recent races in Indianapolis says: zone
mechanician in the recent speedway race
meeting worked IN eleven races. includ-
Ing all three Of the long-distance races.
Twice he finished first. and once ne was
second But 20 do this, the overworked
machine had to be almost held together
with human muscle. There were tires
TO change. and OIL gasoline, and water
supplies TO be secured. In one race the
bolts on the gasoline tank had loosened
to such an extent that Il was necessary
for the mechanician TO lean over and
hold the tank on with HIS left hand for
sixty miles while the ground shot by at
the rate Of 100 feet TO the second. He
lived through It all, to receive as his re-
ward the sum OF $50
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
A scheme.

Z see you gave the third act OF the
musical comedy hrsy."
Yes, explained the stage manager,
we do II that wsg on alternate nights.
The third act is already set. you see.
from the evening before and nobody
knows the diff"
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

According to the Atlanta Journal.
There are miles and miles OF streets
IN Atlanta without a drop OF water. q"
There has been a suspicion abroad for
some time that all Atlanta is not OK
actly on the water wagon.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30
How He Got I'm Print.

Fr7m ths Kansas City Star.
Leslie NJ Shaw Is again getting into
the newspapers. but in order to break IN
he had 20 declare that the American peo-
pie are no longer capable Of self-govern-
ment.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-30

The Charlotte Observer. one OF the
country's most persistent trouble max
ers. recently printed three tests for IN
sanity that one might try on oneself
Wise people will not bother themselves
with such foonshness.