The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-09-12
THE HOTEL CLERK ON
 THE HIGHER EDUCATION
BY IRWIN S. COBB.

i roses with posies and even a good hard one like war talk with Norfolk, as has been done, he's all the ingredients. Whats the result? Music publishers camp on the front stoop of his town house clamoring for his wares, a million servant girls cry down the fronts of their shirtwaist at every repetition of his pa- thetic refrain beginning These heart broke words she then did speak to him, as follows" illustrated song barytones make his name a household word where moving pictures move and he is enabled to wear more jewelry than the Shah of Persia and to ride around in an auto- mobile that looks like one of those cleo tric vacuum cleaners. I'd be willing to think the Rubiyat was a brand of Hun garlan Mineral Water too if could knock down thirty thousand a year royal ties for turning out gems of sentiment like They All Spoke Well of You At Home, Geraldine
 "The artist who learned his calling in Paris may be our greatest little colorist and his portraits are speaking likenesses, maybe, but rarely hear of them speaking anythi nbagtou SHRD- them speaking anything about ready money. He's there with the art, Larry, bigger than house, but when 1t comes to amasing those dark green and pale yellow government rain checks that ca be saved up for rainy day, he's but as the hole in the tumble. What boots him his training and his skill if he has portieres on his cuffs and lives in a side street boarding house, thus becom- ing the only living creature except the tape worm that never gets chance to picy out what it's going to eat in advance or even to see 1t before 1t comes along. What does 1t boot him? Not boot,nor pair of boots. nor even congres gaiter. But the kid lad who does the stuff for the comic sup plement and draws a fat man with a crab holding on to his toe to show that the background is an ocean and not a mountain range, and puts a church steeple and a moon into the pie ture if it's night time but leaves them out of if it's day; he's taking down more salary in a wek than the boy with the velvet coat and the lofty aspira- tion earns in a year.
 And there you are, Larry. Light weight pugilists have a long lead on heavyweight Latin tutors nj the mat ter of salary and general reputation Mike Donrfn had more offers when he left the reservation than Mich olas Murray Butler would ever get if he should quit. The Shalzespearian brand of veteran actors are 10 cents each or three for a quarter, on Broadway, but young men who do can do the George Cohan steps and pull rapid fire mother-in-law gags get their $70 a week for twice a day, IT minutes each time. Whats the use says the modern youth of spending several years that might be profitably employed break ing into Wall street in storing the crock full of knowledge that only gives me headache if I keep it and every body else pain if I try to dssemi- nate 1t? Whats the use of bulging l the sides of the human skull with su- perfiuous information when can get 1 10000 useful facts in a red cover, and 1 a years subscription to farm mag- azine, all for s2? I don't want to be
 Handy-Andy Compendium when I i might be Hans Wagner or Charley l Schwab or an Orville, brother to VII
 bur, by staying religiously away from college and devoting the lusty years of my youth to something busy, for when alls said and done dead lan-
 guages never made a live one yet. l That's what young America says to him. i self, Larry.
 I'm not saying whether he's right l or wrong but this much I do know its a good notion to slip a few biceps in along with your cube roots and the like. There was the case of Casey the cop. Casey was a large, strong IaQ W1tn an ar1n on him l like a leg and fist like a bunch of l bananas. but he was a trifh shy ] on book learning When he want 1 ed to read book he looked at the
 pictures and let it go at that. But
 through having a friend who was i leader In the district he snuggled past
 the civil service examiners and got
 on the force, they gave him a post across the river in one of those goat 1a.t tod 1.
 day, he came across a dead truck horse
 in the street and he took out his little red book to make his report. | At 10 a. m. this morning, found
 a dead horse, bay horse. at the corner of he wrote. with his tongue out
 making the same motions his pencil
 did. Then he looked up at tho street lamp. One side said Dean Ave- and that was easy enough. but the oth-
 CT side said 'Koskiosko Bouf0Vay6
 and Casey was out on limb"
 That wuz where an eddycstlon womb
 ha-helped," said the House Deteo-
 tive triumphantly.
 ''Yes, but main strength came to tho l rescue" said the oIItel Clerk, "Caesy
 took the horse by the tail and pulled
 him down one block to the corner of ] Jones street"