The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-20
DRIFTWOOD

time of the year as there Is no telling when they. may run over a rural brother toting garden fork and thus sustain a puncture.
 Riggs--Did, you ever walk on stilts when a boy?'
 my girls display their hereditary traits in this direction by walking on these new fangled high-heeled shoes.
 One-half the world doesn't know how the other half lives. but in a small town everybody knows everybody else's business.
 Some college chaps think they have it on the rest of us because they are up in the higher branches. Shucks- there are lots of monkeys in the Afri- can jungles that are in a like situa- ton.
 There is one woman in Montgomery who when her little boy comes home with the smell of axle grease on his clothes gives him a licking, but if he has about his garments the odor of gasoline she is tickled and says noth- ing because 1t suggests familiarity One of the first things a greenh orn does when he gets to town dentist is to have his teeth filled with gold, pro- NAocu uo hao thp AichSS.
 Why is 1t we can always make the best time when we are on the wrong track? You never hear of fellow be- ing four hours behind his schedule time then.
 Society is very shallow. but 1t has to be; otherwise think of the little two by-fonr people who would be drowned in 1t.
 
 man will usually take offense be- fore he will take advice.
 
 Maude--Its a pity they didn't revise you along with the tariff.
 Claude-Er-um um- -er-what do you mean?
 Maude-You ought to have been put on the free list-you are so free in your manner
 Then Claude, seeing the point, pick ed up his hat and went home
 Arbitration is always so easy to preach but so hard to practice in an affair of our own. Women cry lot over a shattered ideal, but they can usually shed more real tears over a shattered vase that they paid good hard dollars for. 
 recent Canadian invention worked by two men and a boy will lay 400 to 600 bricks an hour and has proven a success. The brick layers are laying for it. however. we presume 4 + China Is preparing to take a census. She feels 1t is her que to count queues.
 An ohio man traded his wife for a keg of beer Now If some Alabama man (sans conscience) had done that, 1 1t wouldn't be so surprising. seeing as how 1t is easier to get a wife here than 1t is a keg of beer
 The glasses that men are fond of have been knocked out by prohibition 1 in this state. but the glasses that women are fond of still cast pleasant reflections. 1 If you take a boy up by the heels now from fifteen to 200 marbles will roll out of his pockets. says The Jewell County, (Kans.) Republican.
 This added to\ the fact that the kites are hanging from the telegraph wires would indicate that Gentle Spring has about arrived.
 The National Milliner's Association | has awarded the medal for the best design for woman's hat to a man ! All the lady milliners will now murmur i "Stung."
 "No cheating in foods" is the motto 1 Department. Pretty good doctrine friend, if you can enforce it. When girls refuse to wear bathing skirts its because they haven't any big reasons.
 A New York man threatened with blindness, committed suicide. It is re- ported he had been sent ticket to see Salome.
 A Tennessee temperance reformel declares that he would die from the bite of the most Venomous reptile or earth before he would let one drop oi well for man to talk that way. but when he is put to the test 1t Is a diff ferent proposition.
 Sunshine and Song birds. Sunshine and song birds and peacf
 trees in bloom,
 And wide smilin' meadows-jes plenty
 of room
 For love and for brightness an nc
 place for gloom.
 So come lets be happy my dearie. The sunshine is kissin' the hills as they
 dream,
 And laughing for joy is each glad run
 ming stream,
 And the gold of your hair seems more
 brightly to gleam, 90 come 4etS pV happy i"S N'0' Sunshine and song birds-its gettn ! to'wds spring, 1 An sweethearts are roamin Whilt
 lovin arms cling,
 It's time you wuz mine so I'll give yo,
 the ring,
 Come lets be happy my dearie. p. H. A. +
 Through the Mall Rag.
 Dear Drift:
 We notice in your popular column O. today's Advertiser the term Colleg' Bred.
 No, We have never eat 1t. But diC l you ever notice that the gentleman after he came from college alwayi l faIloxvS