Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-10-01

Jlmmle-Go0Q DEAD people.
did his widow succeed in breaking
his will?" yes; long before he died"
Kansas City Journal.
The Teacher-Now, Johnny, you may
tell me how the earth is divided. The
Pupil-By earthquakes!
Ethel-Jack simply raved over my
figure and my complexion. Maud-And
is he still in the asylum?
West End-Do you believe in the
principle that money talks? Murray
hill-Well, it says goodbye to me fire.
quently-Town Topics.
Miss Wabash = How delightfully."-
your sister plays? Miss Waldo-Why,
my dear, that's the man in the back
parlor turning the piano.-Life.
What is chauffeur, Hans?" "A
chauffeur is a man who is smart
enough to run an auto, but too smart
to own one!"-Kansas City Journal.
Johnny-They're making shingles out
! o. cement nowadays. Dickey-I don't
mind that so much, but If NAV ever
gets a pair O. cement slippers p 60
in to run awayl
What period have you selected for
this historical novel?" asked the pub
Usher. Il shall not use periods an
swered the author; nothing but ex-
clamation points"
How did you contrive to cultivate
such a beautiful black eyer" asked
Brown? "Oh!" replied Fogg, who had
been practiclng upon roller skates. "f
raised it from Slip"
How do you recognize an infant in
dustry?' Like most infants" answer.
ed Senator Sorghum, at is recognized
by the amount of noise it makes when
1t wants to be noticed"
Your son closed his college career
In blaze of glory" II should say he
did. The week before commencement
day he made three-base hit with the
bases full."-Detroit Free Press.
Friend-I understand, Mrs. Stern,
that your daughter has married since
we last met. Miss Stern-Yes, and been
divorced. Friend-Ah! And who Is
the happy man?-Boston Transcript.
Now, Tommy" said the teacher,
you may give me an example of CO.
Incidence" why er-why-me fad
der and me mudder was both married
on de same day."-Harper's Weekly.
what, Heinrich drinking again?
thought you intended to quit" "Ach!
dot Is so, yes. But in der words of
der saying, Der ghost vas Wiling, but
der meat vas feeble '"-Boston Tran
script.
.Gus-What did you think of our
amateur theatricals, Miss Mamie?
Rather rare entertainment, was it
not? Miss -Well-er-yes; It
wasn't very well done, to be sure
Harper's Bazaar.
you want speedy car, of course?"
You bet" How about a hill climb
err" "Oh, don't keer to go after Pc
destrians to that extent. Just gimme
machine that will get 'em on the
fiat. t."-Pittsburg Post.
we don't have dinner in the middle
OF the day at our clearinghouse any
more" you have lunch, I suppose?o
mo, luncheon" well, that's the same
thing" "Oh, no, it isn't! Lunch is a
light dinner, and luncheon a light
unch."-Puck.
you can't make a man a gentle.
man by calling him one," said the NOR.
alizer. True" rejoined the thought
ful thinker, but nine times out of a
possible ten you can please him and
thereby carry your point, and that ia
more to the purpose"
Bridget-Sure, now, yez don't name
ter say -er livin' in family phere
there aint no cat. Who kin We blame
things on? Ann = The childer'.
Bridget-Oh, it's foolin' We are! Ann
They aren't her own childer'; they're
the master's.-New York Weekly.
did you hear about the red, white
anu piue wedding this morning?" mo
what about it?" "The bride was in
red, the bridegroom thought he had
LETT the ring at home and turned white.
and the brides father, who had all the
piils to pay, looked exceedingly blue"
Stranger-zum Donnerwetter, now
you have cut my chin second time,
II you can't shave be-, than that
you Will lose all your customers pret.
ty quick. Barber's Apprentice-Not
at all! am not allowed to shava
'he regular customers yet, only
snave strangers!-London Tit-Bits.
Street Car Driver-Me and that Off
morse has been working for the com.
pany for twelve years now. Passeu-
ger-.That ;? The company must
mink great deal Of you both. streot