davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

IL was not ducks alone that furnished
excitement and sport day before yes
terday. While otis
OTHER Worden and Tom HE
GAME key, Jim Montgomery
and Frank Smith were
stopping around in the rain after
feathered game, Charlie Dorman had Il
lively hunting affair of his own And
this is the story of his hunt. 1t is
not divuiging any confidnece To state,
as IA prelude to the story that Mr..
Dorman wears union underwear. Be
ing busy man, IL il necessary for
him to have his clothing SO arranged
beside his bed that he can dress with
as little waste Of time as possible In
the morning. ON the first morning of
the open season. MIR. Dorman walked
early. as Is his custnm-it should be
understood that 1t il purely custom
and not desire-and, after his ablu-
tions. reached for his carefully ar
ranged combination suit of underwear.
He thrust his legs-as usuaI-into the
lower section and, In the natural
course of events. proceeded To push
his arms into their proper places in
the upper half of the garment. Then
he buitoned the front of the raiment
and was reaching for something else
to put ON. when he felt something
moving up and down his leg. lie
made grab for it but ii fled around
his thigh with his hand In keen pur-
suit. But IL was To quick for him
and when he grabbed the back OF his
his leg. the moving thing climbed up
his back. With both hands he made
Il grab for the spot between his Shout
der blades, only To seize n handful Of
flesh while the elusive OBJECT Of his
pursuit scampered around on To his
chest Another grail and another
clever dodge followed. And the chase
led back down to the lower section Of
his clothes. one NOR. grab and tn.
fugitive sped back up and around
Dorman's waist and he grabbed at
every point of his own anatomy that
he could reach. BY this time the
neighbors had formed TIL. idea that
there was IA Prize fight i'm the Dor
man residence and there was ample
ground for the belief. Dnrman was
going through all the eyolutions ever
designed for the reduction of flesh
Of adlrose persons: ne was doug ev-
erything but stand on his head and
he would have done that had the
thing stayed still LONG enough. But
the chase went merrily on. Running
around inside Dorman's underwear
and tickling his sensitive skin. this
evasIve creature ran and ran. tickling
all the more the more II ran and driv-
ing Durman to distraction. But the
fugitive made fatal mistake. Just
az the neighbors We're considering the
advisability Of turning In fire alarm.
the thing sought refuge under Dor
mans left armpit. Daran was not
the only party to the hunt that was
getting tired. When Doran. who is
ickish under the arms. felt the thing
there. he closed down on 1t with all
the strength that remained In his arm
and held 1t there. Then he carefully
reached inside his clothing with his
disengaged hand and pulled out
mouse Thus IL came about that Dor
man had something to show when the
trophies were counted of the first
day Of the open season.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

Tim Lehcau, the unspeakable, IL COM
ing back to Missonla. Not of his
own Snlition In ho COM
lEBEAU ing. but because the
IN HOOK county Officers want
him and will bring him
here. Lebeau was permitted In
, sCape prosecution an the charge OF
being secretary upon his promise
10 leave the state and In stay away
as long As the present county attor-
ney and sheriff are in office. He
went away from Mtssanla but he didn't
go far He located in Helena, where
he has been cuttin. IA wide swath
with II new automobile and his old
r.tinue of women. Meanwhile more
serious charge than ever has been de-
veleplng here against him and sester~
day the officers al Helena were asked
to arrest him: this WAS done and he
will he brought buck here III faee II
charge If seduction and entlcing into
"A house If Ill fame. The complaining
witness is here and there Is hope that
the case will result in placing Lebeau
i'm the penitentiary.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03
REMAINS TAKEN EAST.

The remains of ]. II. Darlington. the
young railway clerk who died in this
city ii couple uf days ago. were last
night. under the escort of the Eagles
placed on board of No. for St Paul
They were accompanied by Il brother
George Darlington. who arrived here
for the purpose.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03
HEADQUARTERS HERE.

MIR. and Mrs. r. T.. Hartman. form
erly of Minneapolis. are now residents
of Missouia. Mr.. Hartman is not Il
stranger here, as he has been in the
Garden City many times in the inter-
ests of the Cary Safe company. He
thinks that Missoula is ii good place
for his state headquarters and lie will
cover Montana from his home here.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

Major Skinner left yesterday for Her
on. where he will join his mother.
who has been spending
LOOK OUT, her vacation there,
you BEAR Major has been work
ing on the survey for
the electric railway all summer and
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03
SEARS IMPROVES.

Edward Sears the bricklayer who
fell from the third story of the court
house ON Wednesday and sustained a
tew minor injuries. Ii reported In b.
getting along Very nicely. He Is at
his room at ga Alder street.
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

General Warren was Mssnnla visit
or last night. coming in from the
west In spend the night
GENERAL here before going home
WARREN to Butte. The general
has been in Spokane
and in Hope and said last night that
he had sold the island in Lake Pents
d'Oreille which he has owned SO long
and upon which he has had IA sum
mer residence. lie said last night
that he would NOT be ready Tor Il few
DAYS Ia name the purchaser ar the
price To Missoulian man last night
the general said. You have a mighty
fine town here. You AFRO getting SOME
fine buildings and ynu have always
had fine climate and fine people. The
town has grown all out nf my rerol
lection: there Il very little left here
to remind me If the Mlssoula that /
used IL know. | am sorry 10 miss
Senator Dixon: | had hoped | would
lie able To have bit of visit with
him | shall 60 on tn Butte in the
morning" Gent raj Warren MAS par
rieulsrls interested i'm the news nj the
discovery of the north pole and dis
cussed nj length the story told in the
press dispatches. 1t Is a wonderful
story" said he. That simple az
count of the discovery il - eloquent
ly written that il carries conviction
with il 1t is one af he finest de
SeriutIans that ever read = lie
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03
VISITS HIS MOTHER

Horace Wordsn. a paymaster in the
United States navy, arrived in the city
Yesterday from Colorado. where he has
been detailed fer some time. and will
spend his leave of absence uf "A month
with his mother. Mrs. r l. worden-
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

now he has gone To the woods TO
rest. He went loaded for ducks and
for bear. but especially for bear and
there will lie something wrong If he
doesn't have IA hide or two to show
as proof of his prowess when he gets
back
The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1909-09-03

General Warren was il Missonla visit
or last night. coming in from the
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
A ROYAL Rodxguard.

An ancient bodyguard Is that OF
the honorable corps Of gentlemen-at-
arms, In England, which has celebrat-
ed its 4OOth anniversary. The origin
al duty of the bodyguard was to stand
In a ring around the King of Eng
land, should he go out on the battle
Geld, and protect him with formidable
battleaxes. It still has duties when
the King Is in London. At levees In
st. James palace the men are required
TO be In attendance, standing solemn
ly In quaint scarlet coats, and with
white plumed helmets, officially keep
ing clear passage to the royal pres
ence. 1t is their duty also to be pres
ent when there Is court at Bucking-
ham palace and when the King opens
Parliament.
Their battleaxes date far back to
the days of the Spanish Armada.
They we're actually brought over on
the ill-fated Spanish galleons, and
falling into the hands Of the English
were given to the Kings bodyguard.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
TOLD OF LORD sTRATHcoNA.

Illustration of the Canadian High
Commissioners Sense Of Humor.
Lord Strathcona, the Canadian
high commissioner In London, has hui
NOR of what Scotchmen call the pawky
variety. Four or five months ago an
old man called at the Offices OF the Do
minion of Canada and asked to see
Lord Strathcona, saying that he was
the cabman who drove young Donald
Smith down to the docks and his ship
when years ago he left Caledonia to
make his fortune in Canada.
Lord Strathcona gave orders that he
should be shown In at once, and right
pleasantly the two old men gossiped
Of "Auld Lang Syne" and Bonnie
Scotland" Suddenly the cabman
heaved a portentous sigh. Lord Strath-
coma asked Its meaning. The cabman
explained.
He had not been prosperous, but had
fallen on evil days. He had to sup
port two grandsons, and one of them,
to his grief, had just died. He had
little enough to bury him with and
next to nothing with which to main
tain himself and the other. Lord
Strathcola passed a fve-pound note
quickly into the waiting hand of the
fearful grandfather.
Now the cabman had Just made his
second call and the high commission
er, not forgetful of his first visit, had
the veteran driver brought into his
private room. Once more the atmos-
phere OF the office became thick with
Highland "reminiscences. Once more,
too, the cabman sighed, and then with
breaking voice he related how in his
old age he had to support his two
grandsons, and now both Of them were
down with typhoid fever. Once more
Lord Strathcona's purse strings were
loosened and he passed coins into the
old cabman's hands, who tottered out
stammering his thanks.
K, Now, Lord Strathcona's secretary
had been an auditor OF the scene.
When the cabman had gone he came
forward.
IT hope, my lord" said he, you did
not give him anything. When he saw
you some months ago he told you that
Of his two grandsons one was dead.
Now he says both are down with ty-
phoid fever. 1t looks, my lord, as If
he might be an impostor."
Lord Strathcona eyed his we'll
meaning secretary from underneath
his bushy brows.
Thank you, thank you, very much,
Mr.. JONES'" he purred, but do you
know that when l went out to Canada
first l was not driven down to the
docks in cab at all, but just wheeled
my own things to the ship In a wheel
barrow?"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

The lifelong domicile Of an old lady
was situated several feet south Of the
dividing line of Virginia and North
Carolina, and when that section Of the
country was resurveyed 1t was discov-
cred that the line ran few feet south
of the property In question. They
broke the news to the old lady that
from then on she was to be resident
of virginia. That's good she ex-
claimed "I'ye always heard that North
Carolina was an unhealthy State to
live in."-Success Magazine.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Tacf.

! am sorry to have to tell you so
boys" said the pleasant looking visitor
who was addressing the Sunday school
but there is not one chance in thou
sand that any one of you ever will be
President of the United States"
Still he failed to secure their undi-
vided attention.
But If you live up to your opportu-
mites he went on, eyeing them keen
ly, some bright boy in this audience
may become a great baseball pitcher
or the worlds champion batsman."
instantly every boy sat up straight
and began to listen-Chicago Tribune
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Fine Recipe for Colds.

Any druggist can supply these in.
gradients, or he will get them from his
wholesale house.
mix half pint of good whiskey;
two ounces of glycerine; half ounce OF
Concentrated pine compound. Shake
the bottle well each time and use in
doses of teaspoonful to tablespoon
full four times a day" This preScrip.
tion is said to work wonders.
The Concentrated pine is a special
r, r. ~ anGoduct and comes only in hall
ao t;nht eases ast each enclosed in an air
slSat ~. : 80, ad,jhe, sure it is labeled
genuine article. " so' NV
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
A Peayish Plaint.
The learned writer's for the press

The learned writer's for the press
Are very. very good
At proving how we waste on dress
= Or furbelows or food.
Each writer new who makes his bow
With other sages vies
To show unhappy mortals how
They may economiza.
They tell us of the thrifty French,
Who all eXcesses shun.
But I'm not anxious to retrench:
1t isn't any fnu.
I'm weary of this endless song;
wish some seer wise
Would show us how to get along
And not economize.
Louisville Courier Journal
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Once upon a time child who waa
asked upon an examination paper tc
define d mountain range replied, "A
large sized cook stove" The same
method of reasoning seems to go with
older growth. recent examination
paper at the Sheffield Scientific School
at Yais contained the question, What
Is the office of the gastric juice?" And
the answer on one paper said. "Tht
stomach Cleveland Leader.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

The increased cost of living In In.
dia generally and In Calcutta particu-
larly is severely felt not only by Euro
peans, but also by Indians. according
to a correspondent of the London
Daily Mall. House rent in recent years
has trebled, and even Quadrupled.
Ten years ago family Of half dozen
persons could live In fair comfort for
$1,000 a year, excluding extras. With
nothing less than $4,000 can they live
In the same way now. THIS is recog'
nized by the government, and the sal
aries OF subordinate oficials have been
revised. Domestic servants wages have
sased enormously. A good cook
Se had for less than 5000 q
hereas half that sum was suffi
ecade ago.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Special precautions are now taken to
eliminate this source of injury, and the
disintegrating action OF the tin salts
upon the fibers also is reduced by a
subsequent chemical treatment OF the
yarn. So the weighted silks Of to-day
are stronger than their predecessors OF
few years back.--Chicago Tribune.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Ar,is,ic Noc,seraiton.

You will miss your son John wher
he goes back to school,"
'Yes,' answered Farmer Corntossel
Il don't know how I'm going to ge
along. He has got all the critters or
the place so used to his college vel
that l don't s'pose anyone else kir
drive 'em. ."-WaShinotnn Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Archimedes had just announced tnat
IL he had lever long enough and
fulcrum on which to rest it he could
move the earth.
IF you can't move the earth"
shrieked suffragette, turn the job
over to us! Well do it"
But the journalists and historians OF
that day, being men exclusively, mean
ly blue penciied that part OF the story
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
p,366 Testimonials
Knew of One.

tgsestionE H'mph! Did you evecc,
"a real cure effected by 'sugges-
rsonally know of one. ! once
d to a young fellow that If he
mt to have a big dog chasing
he premises he'd better quit
my house, and 1t cured him
it,"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Prahal,Ix Insane.

'winkley il Il. is good deal 04a crank
isn't he?"
THAT doesn't half describe him. He's
going around now insisting that If the
postofice department has to be made
sustaining the war and navy de-
-paPtments ought to be run the same
WaYn
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
A Aawming Void.

"a hRNhlhS NOiu.
mo mere mortal declared the pro
fessor In astronomy can comprehend
the immensely of space"
i think ! can" ventured one of his
auditors.
"And why your
Il have daily humorous column to
oil up.'-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Hanaicap of had Roads.

Don't you realize that you are
financially handicapped by bad roads?"
"Of COURSE we realize it." answered
Farmer CoFntossel. mo automobiles
dares travel fast enough to give us an
excuse for collectin' Washing.
ton Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
II Depends.

"How do you pronounce s-t-i-n-g-y?T'
the teacher asked the young gentle
man nearest the foot Of the class. And
the smart boy stood up and said 1t
depended great deal whether the
word applied to man or bee.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Incidental.

'Your milk costs you IL cents
quart and your butter As cents q
pound? Why do you pay such exorbi-
tant prices as that for them?"
"Bless you, don't. I'm merely add.
ing in what it costs me for ice to keeT
them sweet"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
r,ne sprinting in the suburbs.

'Ts 1t really only ten minutes Walk
to the station from your house?" asked
Gilman.
What ridiculous question! ex-
claimed Subbubs. Nobody in lovely
swamphurst ever walks to the sta
ton. / may say, however. that It's only
about eight and half minutes run.
Catholic Standard and Times.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Before 1880 most English railway
carriages had only four wheels, and
weighed ten tons. From 1880 to 1890
they had six wheels, and weighed fif-
teen or sixteen tons; from 1890 to 1900
they had eight wheels, and weighed
twenty four tons; and since 1900 the
fashion Is twelve wheels for dining
and sleeping cars, and the weight Is
thirty five to forty-two tons.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
More Information.

Mrs ugwater-Josiah, what Is 9
'swastika?"
Mr.. Chugwater (momentarily at q
loss)-Do you mean to say you don't
know what swastika is? A swastika
is-why. blame it, Swastika is the
name of the Eskimo that helped Cooh
discover the north poie!-Chicage
Tribune.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
:. II Seemed.

"That man." said the court onlooker.
twill be convicted surely. He's making
a very poor impression on the witness
stand"
''That isn't the defendant" said
lawyer. Hes just one of the alienists
undergoing cross examination. De-
troit Free Press.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
He Did.

Jaffer-But don't you believe compe-
tition is the life of trade?
Pugway-Sure! Sooner or later 1t
leads to the formation of trust. and
that's the way t6%pake money.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Wasted.

Johnny, did you have a good vaca-
tion at that little lake resort?"
NO sir. Nav wouldn't let me go
swimmin' and she made me take a
cold bath every mornin'."
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Even the Hens watch ,Em

Even the Hens Watch EN-.
Hank Stubbs-Hens layin' much
Aow, Bige?
Bige Miller-Skurce any.
Hank Stubbs-What's the trouble?
Bige Miller-Don't hev time fur
dodgin' them pesky autymobiles.-Bos
ton Herald.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Pettit's Eve ssIve first Sold in 1907.

: 100 years ago; sales increase
4: wonderful remedy; cured mil
weak eyes. All druggists or
oward Bros, Buffalo. N. Y.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
uncIe Eben,s PhiIosophy.

"Advice," said Uncle Eben. lis sum-
pin like singin'. You either gifts II
free till you's tired O. listenin' or else
it's SO expensive you can't afford
sca'seIy any."--Washington Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
To the brighter.

Coin along
To the brighter day:
Every storm ~
Has rainbow's rayl'
Constitution.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Her Excuse.

Bertha, my dear, have been look
ing over your writing exercises. Your
orthography is atrocious. You don't
seem to know how to spell even the
simplest words"
Spelling. papa, is purely arbitrary.
Words were made before the alphabet
was"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

A man with curly hair usually
wears his hat on the back part of his
head.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

An old woman's idea Of a proper
young man is one who fin Is 4is great
est enjoyment In work.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

eyes" said the defendant in the
criminal case. my lawyer certainly
made strong plea for me. He even
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
Expensiye Water Power.

Fighting the Beef Trust See the
Frank L. Smith Co.'s ad in this pa ,er.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
''what was his bill?" asked the 9TH
amissions Of History.

"Well, as nearly as l can figure 1t
out, he charged me ahout 500 a tear"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Most of those who say they DO the
best they know how. don't
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

sD E. BURTON Assayer and chemist.
vile, Colo-ao< trsol,ae.. pI.oas: NGold.
e ssold, Silver, 75c: Gold, Soc; Zinc
failing envelopes and full price list
ion. Control and Umpire WORK SO.
hce; Carbonate National Bank.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Fighting the Beef Trust See the
Frank L. Smith Co. IS ad in this paper.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

Recent discoveries have also proved that
dandruff is caused by germs on the scalp.
Therefore, to cure dandruff, the first thing
to do is to completely destroy these dam
druR germs. Here, the same Ayers Hair
Vigor will give the same splendid results.
Made by the J. O. Aver Co.. Lowell, Msss.--
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
.shting the Beef Trust See the
TX L. Smith Co.. ad in this paper.
The Professor.

he Doctor-Some creatures, you
NV, are exceedingly, sensitive to mu-
u sounds. You may not believe it.
it's well authenticated fact that
song sparrows once flew into a
m where a grand opera singer was
ea rs''a"4sn aria, listened a few mo-
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31

$ Satanic natssty's lien
t handing out frse a6
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-12-31
IFoREsTATIoN IS EASY.
reservations of Practical Timber
man Clearly Set Forth.

(By ]. s. Young, InmanPoulsen Log
ging Co., Kelso, Wash.)
The Wenatchee daily world. [volume] (Wenatchee, Wash.) 1905-1971, 1909-02-16
BAND TO HAVE SHOW

j. w. Evans. who recently put on
1.-The Whirl O. tn Town for the
ladies of the Presbyterian church,
has been secured by the Wenatchee
band boys to put on minstrel show
here some time early in March. Mr..
Evans will be back in the course of
one or two weeks and will commence
work at once drilling for the band
show.
The members of the finance COM
mittee having in charge the new
building were also DESTROYS of Sc
curing the services of Mr.. Evans to
put on a play here under the aus
pices of the club and for the pur-
pose of raising money for the new
building, and were disappointed in
learnings that Mr.. Evans service
were already spoken for.