davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
The Calf on the Lawn.

I'm going to hitch this ere young calf
out here in my front lawn;
He'll stay right here and chaw the grass till
The hull blame thing is chawn;
He'll chaw that corner off today
Until he's ct ii bare,
Termorrer | will move his stake
An he'll chaw over tharc.
Looks bad yer say To see a calf
out in mans front yard,
An blattin like a barn yard
On this stylish boulevard;
But that thare calf
Shall eat that grass until / get him fat,
And if he feels ike blattin
Why, / reckon he will blat
When l fust took my farm out here,
This wuz a country road;
Across the way was pasture Ian
Whar huckleberrys grOwed
My calf was then hitched in my yard
Fer the hull towns inspection,
An no darn enterprisin' doOd
cum round to make objection.
When this road growed to village street
My calf wuz in the yard,
An now the, street it swels with stiie,
A city boulevard;
But will hitch this ere young calf
Out here in my front lawn.
He'll stay right here an chaw the grass
Till the null blame thing is chawn.
You say the way / carry on
Makes the hull city laf;
Wei, let 'em laf, this 'ere's my lawn
An this ere is my calf.
An things have reached the purtyest pass
The worl' has ever sawn,
IF an old dun can't let his calf
Chaw grass on his own lawn.
Well, let 'em laf, this air young calf
Shall stay here anyhow;
An If | hear 'em laf too hard
I'll trOt out the ole COW;
III hitch 'em both to the same stake
Rite here in my front lawn,
An let 'em stay an chaw the grass
Till the hull blame thing is chawn
Unidentified
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
ForeStalled.

William \. Pinkerton. the head of the
famous detective agency. was talking in
Chicago about the interesting statistics
of his recently published report
Yes, il is true" Mr. Pinkerton said
that we catch the criminals more fire.
quently than we used to. 1t is true, too,
that, knowing the criminals ways, we
forestall him--we take preventive meas
ures that reduce crime enormously.
we are like" he resumed the Del
mar deacon. This deacon was passing
the collection plate one Sunday morning
When he came to a certain penurious
Delmar citizen he noticed that the man
extended toward the pare, not hand
with coin displayed between finger and
thumb, but tightly closed fist
The deacon frowned at the fist, and
jerked the plate back from it.
Give it to me, Mr.. Keene' he whis-
pered audibly. One has just come off
my vest. Washington Star,
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Worth a Trial.

Joseph IL. ChOate, at one of the many
HudsonFulton dinners said of American
prosperity:
In our country alone n frugal and
active man need never want. In our
country alone restitution can be imputed
only to faults Of character or constitu
ton.
Investigate your destitute. and they
will always prove unfit for some reason
or other To succeed.
Thus a friend of mine, u philanthro-
pist said one day to well known viii
lage veteran:
well, uncle. l haven't seen you ut
church for several Sundays past. Why
is it.?
The fact is, boss the old man re-
piled, I'm so tarnation shabby / kinder
hate to appear before respectable folks in
rags
All, uncle, uncle said my friend.
Anr he added significantly. Suppose |
should tell you TO come home with me,
uncle, and take Your choice between a
bottle of beer I've got on the sideboard
and q good coat I've got in closet up,
stairs. Which would you chooseT
The old man smiled and shook his
head. Then he said with winning
smile:
We'll. boss. that's hard nut Il
crack. But | reckon if had that bottle
of beer fust I'd be SO perked up I'd bt
more able afterward to argufy You int
givin' me the coat, too. Washington
Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

A. Henry Peterson of the local Office
of the United States shipping commits
sioner's department has hanging on his
office wall a map of Alaska which is
something of a curiosity Like most sail
ors of the old school, Peterson is a handy
man with the needle and in the spare
time at his disposal it took him ten
months to make the map. 1t is all of
silk embroidery, and nearly 500 skeins
of silk thread were used in its manufac-
ture. The different divisions of country
are done in different colored silk, and all
the names are worked in. The map is
complete in detail.-Seattle Pos -Intelli-
genCer.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
To whom Honor Is Due.

AS a pendant to the story OF l.-
professor who, upon being questioas'
IN the witness-stand, declared thai ne
was the greatest living scientist,
saying alphabetically afterward that
ne was on OATH" comes the folIowinF
anecdote from one of the New In
gland colleges:
DR.. H. had been unfolding TO his
class In physics a new and starting
Idea. and at the end OF the explana-
lion one OF his students said, deteFe1-
tally, Us that your own theory, pro.
IessorT"
No" the professor replied. h-,
ne added, reassuringly, its s''~
one"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Executions Are Numerous.

Russia's roll of death continues to grow
by the swift action of court martial. Al
though Premier Stolypin has sent cir
culars to the provincial governors order
ing them to check their zeal the grim
statistics of death sentences are still be
ing piled up. For September the mum
Der of death sentences was 1874, compared
with only 63 in August, The total num-
Der of death sentences sit ee the begin
ming of the year is 1885. but there have
been only 447 actual executions. Exc
BUTTONS in September numbered thirty
one.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

\ lady who ordered some caracul coats
10 be sent zap on "appro." on Saturday
returned them on the Monday following
with the message, None We're suitable"
The next morning she received a c0urre-
Gus communication from the head of the
department returning her prayer book.
which had been found in the pocket Of
one of the coatS.-Liverpool Post.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Starving Out His Rheumatism.

Having ample means at his command.
William Nelson, head of the Nelson Nav.
igation company at Long Beach. Cal.
has invested in almost every known rem
edy to cure the rheumatism that has
held him in its grip for years. Finally
to break its hold he has started on thir-
ty days fast. He has not touched food
of any kind for number of days and
saws he feels very much better alreadN.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Greek Poet in Hosnita1

Spyro MatSouka of Athens, Greece.
poet and lecturer. who has been touring
America for six months. is seriously IN
after an operation at the Presbyterian
hospital. New York. Immediately after
his arrival in the city ne was taken I'M in
a taxicah while on the way 10 keen n
dinner engagement and was hurried to
the hospital for an operation.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
When Brown Bought a Mule.

Mayor Schunk of Dubuque. at a re-
cent press banquet, recalled "a quarrel
between two Dubuque editors.
But Smith," he said, got the best
of Brown unquestionably when Brown,
who owned small farm, bought mule.
Smith printed paragraph about this
purchase, and headed it, Extraordinary
Case of Self-P Possession. st. Louis
GlobeDemocrat.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Tributes to Ito.

At the laying away of Prince Ito's
body in the mauSoleum at the family
residence in Omori, a suburb of Toxic,
a wreath was deposited on the cata-
falque by American Ambassador
O'Brien in behalf Of President Taft. and
similar floral offerings were made in the
names of the governments of France,
Russia. Germany. Austria and Italy.
and by Lord Kitchener in the name of
the British army
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

Knew yoh pappy long befo' you-all wuz
bohn, too. He used ter hold de same Of
fee you got now. ! members how he
held dat same Office 70 years an years.
What Office do you mean. uncleE' 1
asked, as / never knew pop held any Of
flee.
Why. de Office of candidate. Marse
John; yOh pappy was candidate 70 many
yeahs From Norman Il. Mack Ma
tional Monthly
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
lust Going to Say That.

\ son of Erin who had the misfortune
to get mixed up in an accident was i'm
mediately conveyed to hospital, where
it was found that his only injury was a
slight wound. The house surgeon care
fully examined him. after which he thus
stated the case TO the nurse:
AS subcutaueOuS abrasion is not oh
servable, | think there is little reason
TO apprehend tegumeutal cicatri2atinn of
the wound. What do you think your
SeltE' he asked Pat, with Il mischievous
smile.
Sure. doctor" replied Pat. you're
a wonderful thought reader. You took
the very words out Of my mouth | was
just going to say that. Tit Bits.
-
Hello, Is that you. Duke?"
Yes Is that my fanceeg"
1t Is. | wanted to ask you il this
is our day for denying the engagement
or admitting it"-LouiSville Courier
Journal
The Stranger Uriumphantlyl-Four
aces. old SON
Shutting Pete (gloomilyl-Au right.
take the money. But In be shot if that
was the hand dealt you.-The By
Stander.
why did you tip that boy so hand
somely for handing you your coat?"
Did you see the coat he gave me?
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Still, Don't Believe Half the Lies They
Tell About the Scotch!

Two Irishmen, bent on robbery, held
up a passing Scotchman. After long.
fierce fight, in which the Scotchman al
most had the better of it, they succeeded
in conquering him. \ thorough search
of his clothes disclosed one lone 5-cent
piece.
'"Troth. Pat" said Mike disgustedly.
IF he'd had tin cints instead of a nickel
he'd have murthered the two of us!'-
Everybody's Magazine
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
Private Johns Office.

when l first decided to allow the PEG
pie of Tupelo to use NAH name as a
candidate for Congress l went out to a
neighboring parish to speak, said Fri
vate John Allen to some friends at the
old Metropolitan hotel, in Washington,
recently.
''An old darkey came up e. greet me
after the meeting. 'Marse Allen he
said, Use powerful glad to see you. Use
known oh you sense You WIZ habby
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
The Worlds Wsv

Man always speaks his words OF love
In mutied undertone
Bur when be wants 10 tell his hate
He grabs q meg3phoue
Kansas City Times
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

Marion-What We're the fayors at Mrs.
SwelPs dinner?
Myrtle-Motor-cars
Marion-What horsepower?
Myrtle-Only thirty.
Marion-lsn't she the stingy old gar
goyle?
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24
A La Longfellow j..

Wives of great men oft remind us
We are dying in our prime,
While they struggle on behind us
In the same old social climb.
Judge.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

Mr.. Thompson-F'red is one of the
most effervescent fellows | know.
His Daughter-Maybe he is, but l
haven't succeeded in making him pop"
yet.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

The Jeweler (examiI 'ng watch
You've let this watch run down frequent,
~.
The Customer (shabby-genteen-Y Yes.
and I've put it up frequently too.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

When the Books Come Out.
Book Agents. the lady of the house
in?
Jimmy-Maw says which book are you
sellin' -Peary's or Cook Baltimore
Sun.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

Foolish Pairs.
A pair in a hammock
Attempted to kiss
And in less than a jiffy
'sIql 5HII p7puBI
Syracuse Herald.
4 pair out canoeing
To change seats essayed,
And these are the bubbles
o O
O q
That sinking, they made.
Boston Transcript.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

why did You tip that boy So hand
somely for handing you your coat?'
Did you see the coat he gave me -
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
Cleanliness In Food

Several excellent sanitary reforms have become parts of our city govern ment, but still more are needed. Bakeries should be inspected and steps taken to ensure the passage of bread and rolls from the ovens to the con- sumer without any admixture of dirt or other contaminations. The safe guarding of the products of bakeries means the wedding out of innumer- able disease germs. No bakery can be too clean.
 The push carts and stands that sup ply children with candies, cakes and other articles also need attention, es- pecially in the season of dust and flies. One push cart in New York was traced to an unspeakably filthy cellar. Another was kept in a tenament house cellar that was flooded with filth. The waste pipes were broken, and the  cellar was flooded, and on top of the water fioated coat of decayed fruit. In that city some ice cream peddlers take the 1eavings" of hotel plates and sell them on the streets to school chil- dren.
 What is done in New York may not be done in Birmingham, and then again it may be repeated here in whole or in part. It is better to see that all ar ticles of food are protected from con- tamination and disease germs. The children should have protection, and the smaller their purchases are the more public protection they need.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
COM MITTEES ARE
 NAMED BY BECK

Montgomery, May 2S.-(Special.)- )-At a meeting of the officers of the grand lodge, Knights of Pythias, held here today, com- mittees were appointed and officers se- lected for the current Pythian year. Re- tiring Grand Chancellor T. D. Sanford of Opelika turned over the books of the grand lodge to Herman Beck of Birming- ham, the new head of the order in the state.
 Late tonight MT. Beck announced the following committees;
 District Deputies-First A. M. Humph- ries, Oxford; second, c. w. Ashcraft, Florence; third, John Antwine, Birming- ham; fourth, Charles Black, Tuscaloosa; fifth, T. B. Webb, Talladega; sixth, E. B. McCarty, Demopolis; seventh, o. w. Byrne, Stockton; eighth, J. T. Letcher, Montgomery; ninth. A. J. Morris, New ton; tenth, J. B. Rylance, Dadeville; eleventh, II. L. Gwin, Gadsden; twelfth, B. L. Zimmerman, Andalusia; thirteenth Harwell G. Davis, Thomasyille. A Pythian Temple Committee-J. B. Ellis, Selma, chairman; J. R. Carter, Birming- ham; B. A. Taylor, Montgomery; J. D. Bloch. Mobile T. D. Sanford, Opelika.
 Grand Tribunal-T w. Martin, Mont gomery; w. W. Brandon, Tuscaloosa; M T. Stratford, Birmingnam
 District Worl-J. H. Disque, Gadsden; I. w. Wadsworth, Birmingham; B. C.. Jones, Bessemer.
 Judiciary-W. H Sanford, Troy; G. D. Purdue, Birmingham; J.. E. Wise Do- than.
 Ways and Means-R. H. Mangum' Sei- ma; w. D. Dow, Montgomery J. Il. Wll- son, Greenville.
 State of the Order-B. B. Cox, Mobile; Frank Arrico, Birmingham; L. F. Greer, Chocolocco.
 Credentials, Mileage and Per Diem-W. R. Young, West Blocton; T. M. Dlx' De- catur: F. M Conway. Mobile.
 Fraternal Correspondence-Jacob Pep perman, Montgomery.
 Grand Chancellor Beck announced that he would call a meeting of the district deputies in few days, either at Mont gomery or at Birmingham, for the pur- nose of inaugurating a movement to in crease interest in the lodge work
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
This Years Cotton CrOn

The 1909 cotton will be picked ae- cording to the figures obtained by the department of agriculture, from B. 229 ,535 acres. The loss, as compared with that of 1908, is 1,140,465 acres. About one-half of this loss in acreage occurs in weevil-infested Louisiana and backward Oklahoma. There is a gain in acreage in Texas. In Alabama 3.295,675 acres are planted as against 3,415,000 acres last year. The loss is 3 per cent, which is about the average loss of the entire cotton belt.
 The crop is tardy, and excessive rains are falling. These rains have, however, lifted the Texas crop out of a droughty condition. The condition of the crop is rated about ' points be- low the average condition for 10 years at this period in the growing season. This rating, however, is subject to change by weather conditions in months time.
 The reports secured from all parts of Alabama by the New York Com mercia1 seem to justify the expectation that the state crop this year will be nearly as good as it was in 1908. There has been free use of fertilizers in this state.
 After all the most that can be said is that the 1909 crop is well started and that it may be a big crop. The 2000 replies received by the New York Commercial from planters and store keepers do not indicate more than backward start of crop that will be we'll cultivated because of the im- proved price outlook.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
Income Tax Programmes

The Aldrichites prefer tariff taxes to an income tax, although the former put s10 in the pockets of protected inter- cts while they put $1 in the treasury, and the $11 comes, as a rule, from the overburdenedu ultimate consumer. Votes are to be taken, however, on the in- come tax propositions on June 10, and on those votes the fate of the Taft administration depends.
 There are three income tax pro- grammes before the Senate. The Aldrichites prefer a postponement of the issue until the conference report is submitted. Another programme looks to the appointment of commits sion to study the subject with a view to the reporting of bill next Decem- ber Senator Bailey and the progre.. sive republicans desire, however, ac- tion now. They want an income tax section imposing 2 per cent tax on all incomes above $5000 attached to the Aldrich bill. These three proposi. tions are to be taken up on June 10.
 Pending a vote at that time the op- ponents of an income tax are employ
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
A vAPORIzED JAG.
m the New York Press.

From the New York Press
 There is man in Manhattan who has invented a combination smoke and jag. He inhales vaporized whisky with his tobacco smoke. In that way he is drink ing all the time, and his friends have no idea of what is going on about them. One of the advantages of that method of drinking is that it does not redden the nose or blear the eye. Another is that the inventor of the system is en- abled to mingle with his friends with a reputation that he drinks little, if at all. The inventor of the vaporized jag puts several pounds of choice smoking tobacco in a can and pours over it a quart of the best whisky he can buy. The combination then is set away to soak and to get ripe.' A week later he opens the can and fills his rubber tobacco pouch with the fortified tobacco. He smokes the tobacco and whisky prac- ticaIly IA hours day, and has never been incapacitated or threatened with de- lfrfum tremens.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
Harvesting New Wheat

While the Pattens are marking up the price of July wheat the farmers of Texas are beginning to turn in new supply. The movement of the threshing machines will from this time on progress steadily until the wheat on 45,O00000 acres is cut. threshed and marketed.
 Soon, too, will be heard the cry from Kansas for more help in getting the golden grain where it will feed the hungry and stop the antics of the speculators.
 The crop in Texas will be limited, but the latest reports from the surplus states point to a crop of good propor. tions-not quite up to last years, but still large enough to promote general prosperity.
 The fact that harvest time Is begun Is enough to know at present. One state and one crop will succeed an other until winter comes, and when the values of all crops of the year are summed up the total may be more than 100000, which was the value of the crops of 1908. It may cross the eight-billion-dollar line.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
The Iron Market.

The pig iron market continues firm, but comparatively quiet Most of the furnace interests report steady sales of small ton mage on a basis of S11 50 for No. foun- dry. Matthew Addy & Co.'S Cincinnati report says:
 There is more iron being melted this month than there was last month. Some very wise business men state that the recent trouble with the iron market came from over-produetion. while others pre- fer to define 1t as a result of under consumption. The two sound alike, but they mean very different state of af- fairs. At all events, if we have been suf- ferlng from consumption we will get over it presently if the present im- provement lasts long enough. It Is a very gradual improvement; it has not been wildly stimulated Past experience has shown that the slow and gradual inn provements are likely to be permanent.
 This week has seen some very heavy buying of malleable and basic. The or ders placed have been from 1000 to 5000 tons There has been fair scattering of foundry trade, but nothing worth men, tioning alongside the larger items just mentioned Coke has been fairly active.
 "In fact, we have had a very decent normal week. There has been nothing particularly sensational about 1t, yet bus mess has been running along satisfac- torily enough, all things considered"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
Sleep In peace and wake in joy; Good angels guard thee.
 -Kine Richard III.
Elements of ths Strike In Georgia

The nature and the extent of the race question in the strike begun and maintained against the Louisville and Nashville railroad and the Atlantic Coast Line as lessees of the Georgia railroad is imperfectly understood. There is no fear that negro firemen will become locomotive engineers. No such promotion is anticipated by any body, least of all by the Brotherhood But there is promotion in the ranks of the firemen. There are senior and junior firemen, and there are desirable as well as undesirable runs" The former after serving acceptably about three years receive AS per cent of the pay of the engineer. If the latter re- ceives $50 a month his senior fire. man would be entitled to SIP month. The promotion of negro firemen to the senior rank really precipitated strike that has been imminent a long time, and yet white firemen receive 30 per cent more pay than negro firemen.
 Seriously incommoded as the people along the Georgia railroad are by the strike they are in sentiment lined up with the strikers. The whites are to a man perhaps. The white people in perhaps a dozen counties are going afoot and submitting to numberless in- conveniences in order that the strikers may win their contention.
 But some may say, why not submit the issue to arbitration? It is easier said than done. If the color line can be arbitrated then the strike on the Georgia railroad may be settled in that way, but if the color line cannot oe changed by arbitration then there is no chance to settle the present con- test in that way. It may be possible to swerve the color line bit and arbi- trary arbitration may devise a way around the seniority of negro firemen
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-29
Virginia Agitation.

"The telegraphic news that interests me most today was that which told of the vets carrying Petersburg, Va, in the local option election, said Wilson Vain wright of Philadelphia.
 q am native Nrginian and feel a live ly interest in all the agtations of the Old Dominion. l was in Petersburg about ten days ago and excitement over the com ing election was at fever heat then. I felt that the vets would win but it looked very close. But the chances are that the legislature will pass a statewide pro- hibtion bill and If so Petersburg's vic- tory will go for naught. Richmond, Nor folk and a few other cities in Virginia have strong anti-prohibition majorities but most of the rural precincts are against the liquor traffic.
 Tt may not be generally known that all the cities in Virginia are entirely sep arated from the counties which surround them. Each city is therefore Independent of county sentiment; hence it was the Petersburg majority for saloons was not regatived by rural vote.
 If should be mistaken in my fore cast of legislative action begin to think that the prohibition wave in the south is receding."