davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
Buffers Boy Jars Bishop.

X At an unusually large dinner party.
where the guest OF honor was an Eng
lish bishop, the butler. an elderly man,
was obliged to bring in from a friends
house an inexperienced lad to help
him In the dining room. The awk-
unrd helper annoyed the butler be-
Sond endurance with questions as 10
his duties.
He continued unfortunately until the
butler. worn out and nervous. said,
Ironically:
IA "All you need to do IL to stand be-
hind the bishops chair, and whenever
bis lordship puts down his glass you
must reach over AMI wipe his mouth
with q napkin"
That silenced his assistant. But tho
young man actually took the order
( seriously, and as soon as dinner be-
Han he stationed himself behind the
bishop. waited till his lordship had
drunk and put down his glass. and
then as deliberately as his nervous
ness would permit, he opened out u
large napkin and wiped the dignified
old gentleman's mouth
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

Wesley A. Stranger, editor or the
once Outfitter. Chicago. recently gave
a talk before the Chicago Trade Press
association on the subject OF Quality
Calculation. The following Is an ex-
tract from his remarks:
Quality I'm circulation Is what gets
the business for the advertiser, al
though II does not always get the adj
vertising for the publishers. and until
advertisers realize that quality counts
for more than quantity this condition
will remain.
Another point I'm this connection is
that quality circulation does not al
ways produce the quickest results. In
fact, free circulation sometimes pro-
duces quicker results, but they are
seldom satisfactory. Quality circula-
ton produces bigger results In the
long run and the results are uniform
ly satisfactory. Therefore II Is 10 the
advantage OF the advertiser TO give a
quality publication.
The publisher who goes out amer
numbers In circulation TO the disregard
OF everything else usually gets the
numbers, but he does not get the quail
ity. He catches the crowd. He gets
the people who are lured by every
freely proposition. who dissipate their
substance and dabble In hundred
and one things
THE man who goes after quality
works hard and long. He gets Tess
IN numbers. takes a longer time To get
them. but when they come he has
them and they are an asset. for they
will patronlze his advertisers and pay
for what they get. The character or
the readers decides their productibil-
ity TO the advertiser.
Advice to Advertisers.
In seeking a place to advertise
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

We advanced In single file two abreast.
Behint parber pole We surprised a
fefocious intian. We surprised him
by nod running away. Hiss finely CHS
eled face wore a wooden EXPRESSION like
a lumber yart. He wass ad bay but
voult nod take water
For moment we gazed ad each
odder mitouid glancing. Den labored
unter a IMPRESSION. Ven labor unter
a IMPRESSION iss der only dime | do
any work. Der safetch wore crazy
kivilt. He must be Bughouse," /
tott
Making a faint to extract hiss ad-
dendion to Adolf rushed ad him und
closed my eyes In mortal combat.
Backward und vorwaerts. fro und to,
der struggle shrugged. Id wass more
as flesh und blut coult bear. Soon
he wass breatless. But nod so NIT mo
II hat been eating garlic. Nit final
blow In hiss face, hideous NIT var
paint und odder artists materials.
wrenched myseluf loose yust as Adolf
stabbed him in der vittles NIT caviar
santvich. Charley Horse. der last OF
der zigar store intians. hat persisted
miserable finish.
But der owner of der Muscogee
Smoke Shop made US pay for der dam
etches.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

used TO be milkpunchers on der plains.
Id ISIS an outretch dot in der civ
ilizzed state of Alfalfahoma dere
shoult be ad diss late day Intian up
rising mitouid der aid of rope. No
Wonder der correspondence wass sur
brised und dit nod agree on NOR
tally list until II looked like deg wass
istless. Howefer, finding ouid who
surfifed, dey rallied und inflictet great
slaughter on der killed and voundet.
Reailizzing dot Something's hat hap
pened. CHIEF Bughouse forcified him
seluf I'm der Western Union ofiss, ind
prepared TO sell hiss life dearly as
rossible-ad % zents per copy. Not.
issing hiss nd in der Clipper. on file ad
all parber shops. we choined on wire.
APPROACHING der strangleholt of der
pesky retskin, we scoutet drough der
scene OF the hostelries. %Dn der
prairie we soon fount der trail of a
prairie schooner, und followed Ill
drough seferal saloons. Desc OBJ
staggles dit nod daunt US.
Vile so engaged, we narrowlessly
an escapade. Seferal shots
wass made in a billiarts parlor, but
none OF dem hit vot dey missed.
Ef do say Id myseluf. wass cool
unter fire but hot unter der collar
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
Quality Is Best in Circulation

anything. the first thought of the ad-
yertiser should be to find out the quail
ity OF the circulation. A publication
with the largest number on Its lists
Is not necessarily the best medium. IL
Is the one with the class that will pro-
duce results. Tests have proved that
the man who pays whatever the sub
scription price OF the publication may
be. Is the man who reads II. and tho
man who does the reading Is the man
who answers the advertisements.
The reason why there IL more
quantity circulation than quality II
due To two things. First. the demands
In the past by advertisers for quantity
TO the utter disregard OF anything
else. Second. I'm the mad rush for
business success. publishers have per-
mitted the condition to exist and have
gone out after the numbers regard
less OF who they are or what they are.
but the pendulum cannot swing fur
Their on one side than II does on the
other. and at some point In Its sweep
IL touches the center.
The pendulum of quantity has
swung as far as II may and Is now
getting back to normal. Quality In
circulation means more to the adver-
tiser than anything else, and the fact
that a publication may have small
circulation does not necessarily mean
that II is not a good advertising me-
dium or that 1t Is less productive than
one with a list many times Its length.
Quantity Is easier to get than quail
ity, that Is one reason why there IL
SO much more OF the former than or
the latter. but quality In circulation
Is just the same as quality In anything
else. II stands out, no matter where
you put II. and In the true test quality
wins every time"
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

| That discussion OF which is the
hardest position to play in baseball
should have received its quietus long
ago. The position of umpire gamers
the most callous spots.
The Balkan war clouds remain
Continued Fair
1t looks like Jeff-ies also has de-
cided to war no gloves until the tariff
on them is satisfactorily adjusted.
The first newspaper advertisement
appeared in 1852. There are a few
stores that seem to date back to
1851.
Experiments show that horse can
pull about ten times as much as a
man. No, child-that isn't the way
you figure horsepower at the garage.
Budapest has telephone news
service which gives the correct time,
the weather forecast, parliamentary
and war news, stock quotations and
at night play or an opera. Costs
$3.50 year.
Headline-"100O.year Frog Dies
In Museum" Office boy suggests.
Why don't they make it Just Frog
CroaksY"
That Chicago professor Is dead
wrong. The best way TO watt a kiss
Is to hand II to her and keep hold
Of 1t till she grapples It,
Opponents OF Gov. Hughes primary
reform bill broke into song over It At
a recent Albany banquet. Try this on
the piano to the tune OF "Old Black
joe"
Gone are the days when we had things
our own way;
Gone Is the graft and the joker bills
that pay;
Gone are the day OF packed conven-
tons, too. :.
We hear the voters voices calling
We'll get you"
There Is another holy war In Moroc-
co. II Is being fought between Moroc-
co.'s holy terrors.
Court forced Mrs. Leslie Carter to
paw for stage costumes that she had
used. although she declared they didn't
AT. She was quite in the position OF
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
DON'T BE A MOTHER-IN.
HASTE.

II you are "motner-in-haste, you
can expect to have nervous, irritable
children, for child feels his envir-
onment keenly: and where there is ur-
rest and lack OF pcise in the home,
IL gets into the chiid's disposition and
then reacts on your own.
Therefore, Nix Lady. take time to
be quiet and deliberate In your &C
lions and do not always be busy
when the boy wants you to pass judy
ment on the snowman he is building,
even though 1t necessitates your put
ting on your golf cape to 20 and in
spect IL. Or. when he wants his
reins mended or button sewed on
his uniform, do II willingly.
And. above all. let him understand
that you are never too much In haste
10 lay down what you are doing, (.
he, restless and fretful. wants a little
| petting.-April Dellreator.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

a machine that could cut 10000 lines
to the inch on a plate of polished
metal. In the practical application, of
his knowledge he was noted as the In.
ventor OF the multi3lex telegraph ap-
paratus.
Some years ago. testifying In q case
involving the Contract Power Co., In
answer to a question on crossexam.
ination as to who. In his opinion.
was the greatest American scientist,
he replied. Il am"
After leaving the courtroom, one of
the lawyers venturod to criticise this
answer for its effect upon the jury,
whereupon Rowland exclaimed:
We'll, what else could say? Wasn't
l under oath?"-Baltimore Sun.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

the lady who complained to the clerk
about the soda water after she had
licked the glass clean.
Dispatch says Hartman visited Paso
Robes TO take the baths-"not be-
cause he was i'll, but because he want
ed to take the baths" No railroads
being handy TO take, perhaps.
A woman thinks her husband Is well
off If he Is able TO hold out 80 cents
from the Easter bonnet money TO BUY
himself a new tie.
The poets talk about their hearts
honeycombed with sweet memories.
Most OF us think about 1t as times
when we've been stung.
In seven blocks along State-st. be-
tween Randolph and Congress-sts..
Chicago. more than $4,000 women are
employed in stores and Offices.
With the exception OF Lowell. Also
a cotton town, more women are work
ing in proportion to the population. In
Fall River, Mass, today than any
where else on the globe.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
A Woman's Bargain.

An OIL City man. who was detained
at the house for a part OF the day.
handed his wife, who was going down.
town. quarter OF q dollar and re-
quested her to get him three cigars
for IL.
When she returned she handed him
the package. remarking, exultantly:
THAT shows that women can beat
men all hollow when 1t comes to max.
ing purchases. found a place where
| could get eight for a quarter instead
of three. Isn't that going some?"
And the poor man. as he took his
medicine merely remarked:
1T certainly Is. dear."-On City
Blizzard.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
OSCAR Und Adolf, Indian Shooters
Dose Feers Capvate Chief Bughou Vim
liant Encounter a Mistaken density

"vot eff dey put hole drough me7"
whispered Adolf. vincing.
"Fathead." reblied. "All you need
is big hole drough you to resem-
blance a doughnut."
Suddencely der fzzleade ceased
idesluf but we did nod oppose our
selufs for fear Id would increase. We
tott Id was a clever ruse. Finding
Id wass nod efen charlotte russo.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
AS to Sausagea.

William Wenzel. butcher. is some
times as funny as an almanac. The
other day when he was busy doing up
telephone orders a woman stepped In,
and, looking around the shop. asked
him what he had in sausage. Wenzel
can't keep a secret, and he told her
meat" you don't seem to quite un-
derstand me-" said the woman; what
I mean is what have you got and
which is the best. Oh said Wen
gel. II have all kinds. To my notion
the wurst is the best. "-Marshfield
(Wis.) News.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
Why the Crowd Is
Always Ont to the
Baseball Game
Seasons Come and Seasons Go
But Our Enthusiasm Never
pampens, For the Great
American Sport 10, First
Of All, HONEST.

anng camp the cities in which exhibition
all keyed the highest point OF en-
tAniasm and want to get "out there" and cut loose
We want to cheer want the fellow behind
= 70 come down and crush hemf we win
II we lose he free with our lids
We have said Bennett park will be packed
you this safely prophesied from year year,
Do you crowd continues to follow basebalf
Let tell you.
pennan drew close Cleveland and Deo''
neck and neck in the stretch.
St. Louis for tho Anal series remained for
that to but three games to land the honor
the contender with Detroit for weeks for tho league
lad these FLASHED in the Anal squirt was Detroit that
put the Missourians down and out Of it,
Detroit was the despsed for it was
by players either Cleveland Chicago was In better
shape for the worlds championship with the winner in the
National league.
Manager McAeer st. Louis position to land Cleveland
top by giving pitcher in the deciding but
As and his players though Detroit that robbed
admission played harder
win and did game blasted Clevelands hopes
able to cheat the Detroit
every the diamond played to win
That game and that why can hardly
wait opening why distant relatives have
b sacrificed day the umpire calls PLAY BALL
The game honest, that's why
Nav Il ever be So and may no opening the
fu crowd pounding on the gates
grand old share the fate Of other sports killed
forever by INSCRIPTIONS and shortsighted promoters
White sox Tigers bo and " the other clubs
come and you Clean play hard but FAIR and
Of the faith your legion OF faithful
followers
pennant again want by the square
and legitimate methods that gave us the other two
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
As OSCAR Tells Il to
Fred Schaefer.

Hearing dot Chief Bughouse OF der
Yip-ee-a-day tripe hat broken loose
fiom hiss CONTRACT NIT Wild Vest
show ind wass holting camp meet
ing nit bar prifiletches. me und Adolf
strapped on our rusty shoot-sixers ind
modified ourselufs. You know. we
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

The late Prof. Rowland. OF Johns
|IoDkins university. was the most
m1neuf physicist since the days OF
cDeph Henry. Among his notable
Ehlovoments In the realm of pure
cEonce was the calculation OF the
1oohanical equivalent of heat and
~ nee Of gratings In spectrum an.
|yDlo. Cor which purpose he d.vissd
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

we're not exactly right, called Quinn To
him and asked him to repeat the
words.
"Mr. Witness" said Judge feathers,
you have affirmed that you will tell
the truth under the pains and PEN
alities of purgatory.' Have you any
objection to that?"
The Quaker said he did not object,
and the trial Observation-Disclosures
News.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
Ths Truth. No Matter
Whom Il Helps or Hurta

The American league baseball sea-
son Of 1909 opens in Detroit today
and Bennett park will be packed
with the followers of the Tigers.
We're there ever such Tigers, such
great bali players, such a ball team,
such managerl
Hardly ever!
The optimistic reports that have
been waited this way from the
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14

Hotel Clerk-Do you want a room
with bath?
Uncle Hiram-Wa-al. moo; | don't
calculate I'll be here Saturday night"
Tiger.
The Detroit times., 1909-04-14
A Word From Josh Wise

M @ n d 1 n
stockin's Is a
darn tedious job"
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
BOY SHOT AND BURIED
HIS LITTLE BROTHER
Coroner Believes Lad Was Alive
When Inferred.

Modesto. Cal. June 26.-Cccil Hop
hns twelve years old. confessed that
he shot and buried his brother Thco-
dore six years old. and his statement
strengthens the coroner's belief that
the victim was buried alive on the hill
where his body was found
According Co his story. Cccu killed
Theodore while the parents were alb.
sent from home. after the boys had
Quarrcied over their luncheon Cecil
said BE- drove his brother from the
house and shot him
Fearing che consequences OF his
deed when the parents should return
he dug a grave in the sand While
digging the grave FOR the boy. Cecil
said. Theodore moanei and stretched
his arms. The cramped position ~
the arms the nature 81 the wound
and the fact that tho child's mouth
was filled with sand add 20 the belief
that the boy was buried alive.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
500 REWARD. a1OO.

The readers Of this paper will be pleas
ed 20 learn that there Is at least one
dreaded disease that science has been
able To cure In all its stages. and that IL
Catarrh. Halls Catarrh Cure Il the only
positive cure now known to the medical
fraternity. Catarrh being q constitu-
tionai disease, requires q constitutional
treatment. Halle Catarrh Cure is taken
Internally. acting directly upon the
blood aud mucous surfaces of the sys-
tenn. thereby destroying the foundation
OF the disease, and giving the patient
strength by building up the constitution
and assisting nature in doing It's work.
The proprietors have so much faith In
It's curative powers that they offer One
Hundred Dollars for any case that II
iails to cure. Send for fist OF testimo
malls.
Address F. J. Chenney & Co., Toledo, O
Sold by all druggists, Toe.
Take Halls Family Pills for consti
patton.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29

NJ Brown was indicted into onice to
day as governor OF the state OF Geor-
gia I'm carrying ont his intention TO
have an inauguration OF the simplest
Kind. consistent with the provisions OF
the state constitution. Governor Brown
walked 10 the state capitol dressed in
a suit of Georgia made brown jeans
Governor Brown was chosen as the
Democratic candidate AT the primaries
In June 1905. defeating Hoke smith.
the outgoing governor. who sought
the Endorsement Of another term. The
acute enmity between Smith and
Brown began when the latter was TO
moved 10y tho former from his ofice
of railroad commi ssioner. Il was as
serted that Brown favored the rail-
roads urduly.
Georgia's new governor is the son OF
Joseph f. Brown. governor OF Geor-
gia during the Civil War. lie is law
yer. farmer. merchant and railroad
man. as Well as the author of an epic
poem
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
DREAMS OF F0OTPAD,
STRANGLES HIS WIFE
Victim, Who viii Probably Die,
Confirms Story.

PittsburE June 26.-While dreaming
that he vas defending himself from
the attack of a foOtpad and that he
had succeeded ia choking his enemy
10 death. Charles Beatty. a grocer OF
al Independence street probably IA
tally straugled and wounded his wife.
Mary. while both were In bed.
When Beatty. half asleep. rushed
from his home and attempted 10 tell
q policeman what had happened he
was placed under arrest
Mrs. Beatty was able TO tell the
story 10 the police partly confirming
her husbands statement She refused
70 prosecute her husband and he was
released from custody by direction OF
d police magistrate
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
FLEEING FROM MOSQUITOES
Terrible Summer Pest invades South
Jersey In Force

Mlnvnle. y j. June 26.-Bniions OF
mosquitoes have invaded South Jcr-
sey. and the residents OF score OF
towns who can make arrangements 90
leave their homes for snort period
are doing 50 10 get away from this
terrible summer pest
At Cape May Coart House 200 glass
blowers and tending boys started 10
work. but after several hours with
the mosquitoes they quit. The great
heat. both natural and artificial OF tho
furnaces. compelled the workmen 10
90 half nude and their bodies were
fair target for the mosquitoes.
The West Jersey & Seashore rail-
road has had some trouble assigning
brakemon 10 man the freights that
run 10 Maurice River From Manumus
kin 10 the mouth OF the river the
brakcmen fight for their lives with
mosquitoes which settle down on them
In clouds and Il is with difficulty that
they can do their work.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
Southern Railway

1.-TouoviHE sessduls uEurss PusHsA's -
tor1anon, Aad an not <uarAns-sd
6cheda ale elective June aUth. Isn4
rrAiss leave Wsshinssoa fros Ss~ Jsia,
eaanon
80 =. On. nsiiy-LoeAi Tor warrsasos. Dsa
T.Bo = - Daly-Loesi tor Harrfsonourr. W
$. uQ . nafy-Uuibed states Tast 81
Ftrstciass cosrees anddra uins -roon ale spsr- q
q. rmlueham S~v O-iaans oining car service
tlo p n. ny-HirnIIut.hluI Special arc
Tonds = aissd- Through coaches aae sisspsi
si--D-r 10 Ausass< and Aiken. .,l.-.T-rst1 IN
uiurham Dining car service. rouriss ~ ca
fornia MONDAY. "Wednesday and Friday
Aii . m. ~ ek uays-t-ocai Tor usrusoaburs
snd vsy stations % Manassas BrAnch.
as m DsiiY-LocAl tor warrsutos ane
harioteesvir.
Isio D N DAiy-N.v Yort sns chattanooe,
Linibsd tvia Lynchburgl-First Glaze coach anc
0eegins ear 30 Roanoke. Knoxville Cha1as
noosA. fi'spsF - aeu Orleans DiningeaF
te.aE ?. - Dany-Sew YorF Atiauta and Nss
OrieAas IIaiN.d-An Pullman trains. club anc
obssrrsnon ears % New Orieausl sieep-r q
Ashvule. Atlanta. New Orisana sleeper D.
iharlots- ntning-csr servics
4ios 3D. Daily. Memphis Special rhroaeh
-.--I'-r- ami coarle- 20 Roanoke. Knoxville.
Chattanooga and Memphis Washington -i.-r.er
olen louo D.. m Dining car -ervice.
Through trains ron sns south arrive Wasl
! igton 80 g n. $50 r.. iu - m.
dailyI $50 p n. and lua5 y. l. % o. fl
daily. HsrrisonbgrE i2.2a >. N. week asys ano
s.so pm. daily. FrOn ChAriotsssvtIs. s.I0 . n
rs y snd $40 .. n.
Trains leave Richmond. Do g. a 90 and 80 D..
m- DAILY Express Tor all points south.
e. - "a. 90. Daily LocaL fnr UauFHl- and
Charlotte.
toa j.. m. excerpt sunday. Local for kev-Vila..
t-ab "a 90. except sunday ami 2l5 D.. Ia.
Monday and Wednesday aud Friday Tor West
Point
$50 3D. m. excerpt sunday. Tor West Point con
ue~tur sith York River Line Tor Rnltiulor-.
Monday "Wednesday and Friday.
tickets. aieep ing car rsservaUOna. and dstAilsc
Information can be had "a tcket offics f0N ittf
u M
Baggage checked through froa hossis and rss1
dencss CAB service.
=. u. ACKRRT. v p. and Gou naa
-. HARDWICK. PAss Trafno NJ,
y a fAfkOE. 8Sn. PaBa lrsas
sSaWH asssrsl kgsHs
%-sAtsTre1
s T. Burgess % T. A.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
cIoudburst at Scranton.

Scranton. Pa. June Seven small
ice dams burst In West Scranton and
flooded hundreds OF houses in the vi
entity. doing thousands OF dollars dam
age. Thirty places we're struck by
lightning one man was struck blind
and hundreds Of cellars throughout
the city flooded. as the result OF a
cloudburst and electrical storm.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
FARMER BRUTALLY SLAIN
His Neck Broken In Murderous As.
ssult BY Three Men.

Reading Pa. June &c. - Charles
FRANKIE. aged siNtyfiye years. a we'll
known farmer Of Gibraltar. this coun-
". was murderousiy assaulted by
three men while driving along the
White Honse road a short distance be
low this city. He died an hour later
from his injuries. His neck was
broken by being kicked by one OF his
assailants. The latter made their es
cape and the police are securing the
country for them. Four men who
brought the injured man 10 the hos
pital have been held as witnesses.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
RO0SEVELTS GO ABROAD
ES-President's Wife and Three Chill
drep Sailed Today.


New York June 26.-Mrs. Theodore
Roosevelt and three OF the Roosevelt
children. Miss Ethel. Archie and Queu
tin. sailed today on the White star
line steamer Cretic for Gibraltar and
Naples to pass the Sumner on the con
tinent.
The Roosevelt party will spend a
month With Miss Carew. Mrs. Roose
Velt's sister. at her villa near Rome
afterward going TO France.
Ms, Roosevelt and her children
viii sail for America about Nov. L
having abandoned the previously ar
ranged plan OF remaining in Europe
through next winter and journeyine
up the Nile in the spring 70 meet
Colonel Roosevelt.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29
KILLED MOVING GRASS

Horses Ran Away and Farmer eled
10 Death From Wounds.
Reading Pa. June 26-While Her
bert b. Loose. aged twenty-four years
farmer. OF near Hamburg. was NOV
ing grass with a machine. his horses
ran away. His arms and body were
SO badly lacerated that he BLEED to
death.
The free lance. (Fredericksburg, Va.) 1885-1926, 1909-06-29

Constnatinople. June 2G.-The. gov
eminent has learned that the cash de
posts Of Abdul Hamid. deposed sui
tan. In the Imperial bank OF Germany
amount to about S2l5O0OO0 How to
attain possession OF this sum is the
problem.