Goldsboro semi-weekly argus., 1909-10-20
Al WIN 60 Ai0xa.
Scfateh-pad Reflections Wise 4iid
Otherwise

4AdI GOu IS 1OO---CudL SOnSAOW, II uo
or just,
His plans work out for mortals; not a
tear
Is shed when fortune, which the world
holds dear,
Falls from his grasp; better with love
a crust
Than living in dishonor, envies not,
Nor loses faith in man, but does his
best,
Nor even murmurs at his humber lot,
But, with a smile, words Of hope, gives
zest
To every toiler. He alone is great
Who, by life heroic, conquers fate.
Mark Twain attended his daughters
wedding in a scarlet university gown.
Afterward he wore white flannel. Far
be it from US to suggest lunacy COM
mission.
An Ohio man wants a divorce be-
cause his wife would not accompany
him to church. He must be so good
he's tiresone.
What Admiral Evans said about ad-
verse criticisms of the navy may be
strictly true, but we shan't repeat 1t
here.
The Portland Telegram publishes an
editorial entitled, 1.-THE Way to Get the
Money" That's what we all want to
know.
"Some people are always trying to
make you admit something" says the
Atchison Globe. As q rule, what they
want you to admit Is that they are the
greatest ever.
An automatic milkman is announced
from London. Possibly with pump
attachment.
A baseball pitcher has just received
SIC, 900 from his wife for not contest
ing her suit for divorce and has signed
up with a baseball club at a salary of
$1,000 a year. Maybe you think life
doesn't look rosy to that baseball
pitcher!
The Washington Herald says Ar
mand Holtz, avocat a Ia cour d'appel
ct ancien depute de Paris. Is at the
Shoreham. Despite what the Herald
says about him, we believe that NJ.
Holtz is a gentleman.
1t is reported that perfectly sober
citizen Of Maine caught a mermaid.
Still, as everybody knows, there is a
considerable leak in the Maine prohi-
bition law.
ITO be happy, serve Others" says
dear old John D. And make them
pay a fancy price for the service?
A Chicago preacher says hell will
be q bore. No one seems inclined to
question the truth of his statement.
A man named Marmaduke Pillsbury
was swindled In New York. His name
must have sounded like an invitation
to fleece him.
After twenty-three years Of happy
married life a Brooklyn woman hit
her husband with q stove litter and
knocked him silly. Ominous %!
A Nebraska woman wants divorce
because her husband has exceeded the
kissing limit. Before making any COM
| nent we'd like to know what is the
| limit for kisses in Nebraska. In some
parts of Alabama kissometers have re-
| corded an average speed Of so kisses
an hour, which is considered moder.
| ate.
A Chicago butcher, having turned
playwright. we shall probably have &
chopping block.
A woman who pretended that sh,
was drowned, in order to make hel
husband feel sorry for not always be
ing nice to her, returned home tn
other day and found him married t
another woman. Evidently she didn'
know her husband very well.
A woman with six husbands ha
confessed to bigamy. She coul'
hardly call 1t anything else.
A preacher says Washington is
hopeless proposition. He must be
baseball fan.
An Ohio preacher who has min
children and gets q salary Of IS
week has petitioned for raise. HI
grasping nature will no doubt b
: properly rebuked.
An Indiana man wants divorc
from his wife because she wakes hil
up every morning by lighting Gig.
rette and blowing the smoke in b.
face. Maybe Wife-beating is not {