Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1909-10-05

whenever the government issues
publications, maps or other goods of
which portions are given members of
Congress, the several members are
credited with their quotas and the
government relinquishes all right and
claim to them.
The government takes no cognizance
of geography. climate or location in
issuing the goods to members. Az
get the same number of anything that
is issued
The Kansas member who hasn't
enough water in his district to swim
tadpole gets as many surveys, pro-
Jections, maps, etc., of the hydro
graphic or geodetic bureaus as the
member from New England with two
to five hundred miles of coast, while
the member from the Harlem districts
in New York City gets as many vege-
table seeds to distribute to the tene-
ment and flat jewellers as though his
district lay in Kansas or Missouri.
1t follows that the member who has
geodetic surveys and needs seeds is
anxious to meet the member who has
seeds and needs geodetic surveys. 1t
would be undignified. of course, for
members of Congress to take part in
such trading.
That is where the members secre-
taries get busy. 1t is common occur
renee for young man to stop at the
door of the room of some member and
shout:
"What'n y give FIR eight ags?"
Language of Trade.
Now, "ags" is short for the annual
report of the Department of Agrieul-
ture.
"Give you a ge-od," replies the Sec
rotary addressed.
mot for mine" replies the N'Yaw-
ker.
Haven't much call for 'ags,' replies
the rural secretary in tone as casual
and uninterested as possible. Fact
is, we have big stock on hand"
The N'Yawker knows that isn't true.
Nobody in Congress has too many of
anything that constituents may get
for the asking.
"I'll tell you what I'll do" says the
westerner. 1--WE get 900 'ags,' and only
forty-five goods I'll trade you one
'ge-od' for twenty 'ags.'"
mot for mine" replies the
N'Yawker. Lets trade on the cash
basis. 'Ags' are worth cents and
goods 40 cents each. I'll give you
one 'ag' for five goods
Each needs what the other has, so
trade finally is arranged on some
basis. An odd thing about the trad
ing is that what the New York secre-
tary said about the money value of
various federal commodities is true.
Dickering for s'EuIogies."
The saddest sight about Washington
is that of secretary to member of
Congress trying to gather eulogies.
When a member of Congress dies the
Speaker or Vice President goes to the
ball game, or any other place far re-
moved from Congress, puts a substi-
tute in his chair and other members
from the deceased's state pour ora
torical flowers on the late honorable's
memory. In due course of time the
eulogies are printed in one volume.
Persons out in Oregon might not
know that such person as the de-
ceased ever existed. But he has had
stanch friends in the state which hon.
ored him. and every one of them is
eager to get one of the books. All
the secretary has to do is to tap gently
on every one of the 400-odd doors in
the House Office building and ask most
humbly If there can be spared for him
two or three or more copies of the
eulogy of Ibis members" colleague.
Inasmuch as the secretaries who are
asked probably never heard of the late
lamented, it may be thought that in
such sad event they would willingly
hand over their entire quota But the
chances are that they have become so
imbued with the spirit of trading that
the colleague of the departed member
may have five copies of the eulogy for
forty 'ags' or ten goods" or an inn
possible number of "veges." but never
for nothing. So the secretary plods
on, hat in hand, until he has obtained
SUFFICIENT number of eulogies to fill
the wants of his members constit-
uency.