Los Angeles herald., 1909-10-16
HOME MON0L0GUES

(Enter Stout Lady with Arm Full OF
Bundles. Orchestra Plays Rlhss pli
Her Fingers, Bells on Her Toes, RE
plants to Ride Upon" etc. But il,S IniS
descriptive music is misleading, win
the possible exception of the rings on
her f1ngers.)
Stout lady with business of putting
down bundles on sofa, taking off her
hat and gloves, mOpping her race win WIN
handkerchief and never ceaslng 10 Idih
till she's tired).
well the time I've had this day.
running myself to death around those
old stores, when 1 might have stayeu
home and been comfortable.
But, no. I'm always putting mysel1
out for everybody, and much THANKS
1 get for it! And the salespeople they
have at some of the stores are SO eN-
asperating that they simply drive you
wild! III.
"You know the girl that really
doesn't need to work anywhere, IL you
listen to her, who tells you she's only
gone to clerking SOS to be independent
Well. she's Independent, all right.
IT went up to hear one of them TINS
afternoon as she was talking to another
salesgirl, and 1 said: viii you please
show me some Dresden blue batlste
And she says-but not 10 me, ~ +o,.., ei.e
other girl-she says: Didn't Gus FeIers
carry on dreadful last night"
And then I tried again, and TINS
time to the other saleslady and said: 4:
'Will YOU kindly?'- And she felt at
her back hair to see if 1t was staying
UP all right, and replied to the tlrst glti:
What did Mr.. Perkins say to Gertle
Stein? r,,r,.,,
"And the other one says: Why,
whatchathink? A customer complained
about her! And the other one says:
well. some of the people you meet mere
make YOU forget yourself. But l don
paw any attention to what they say.
''I think that's what got me so nerV-
Gus. But I always get nervous WneIl
I'm shopping. You never know When a
store detectives behind you. I'll never
forget the day saw a woman accused
OF shoplifting. And the detective salu'
Madam, what's to prevent my turning
you over to the police" And she SAID
MY goodnessl
"But other people get just as nervous
as do. I saw a woman today VINO was
in such a state that I pitied her. she
was pushing her way wildly throush
the crowds, and finally she saw moor
walker and ran up to him and sald
'Oh. mister, left my husband a little
while ago! I left my husband JUST
little while ago' And the fioorWalker
said: Madam, cannot help your ~ 90
nestle troubles And she said; NO
7 mean I left him somewhere mere IN
this store a moment ago. And he is
nearly helpless He has only one arm
and enc leg And the floorwalker SAID
Remnants, two aisles to the left!
where's that shopping list l had -:
oh. here it is! Let me see II l got
everything! Wait till open the pun
dies and run over the list again. Yes
here they are: Bed covers, dish covers
corset covers, sad iron, curling IRON,
tincture of iron. mothballs, large
nuinine pills-which is which? Oh, yes
YOU can tell by the smell. Roach food,
baby food. Which is the baby's food
they're both put up in tin boxes. Face
powder, baking powder, insect powder
postage stamps, trading stamps rup-
her stamps-no, rubber shoes, but It's
the same thing. Ladies' cloth, broad
cloth. oilcloth, cheesecloth. That's all;
Rnt I forgot to put down gloves and
yelling, and those were the things
ooh, well, I can take some of these
things back tomorrow and exchange
them! 20
tea? I'VE a terrible headache!'-Roy
t. McCardell