davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

him on except curiosity and daredevil
try, be allowed to risk other lives?
l think the license to beginners
should be made reasonably hard to OBJ
tain. And further, the laws regulat-
ing the ballooning should be severe.
Ballooning is matter of public con-
cern, and when licenses are first issued
hope that they will not be given so
promiscuously as licenses were given
at first to auto drivers.
Letting an outsider take up bal
loon is exactly like running railroad
engine. A railroad train is half way
between stations when its engineer
dies. The train is stopped. Some
body asks, "Can anybody here run an
engine?" A young man steps up and
says: Eyes, can." He takes the
engine and may draw the train ten
miles without an accident and he may
get it safely into the station. But is
he a worthy engineer? No. On the
following day this same young man
might wreck the train before he got
out of the switch yards.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

more a matter of ethics. A person
may walk on railroad where there is
third rail. He does it knowing that
he is taking his life in his hands, but
when he persuades other people to go
along with him, he risks their lives
without enough experience to get them
out of danger should anything happen.
When five people 60 up in a balloon in
addition to the pilot, the unskilled
pilot is risking five lives in addition to
his own.
Throwing overheard ballast is a sci
ence. Ballast is to a balloon what
steam is to an engine. And just as
steam once gone can never be recover
ed, just so ballast thrown overheard is
lost. One man can get along, make a
whole trip without losing more than
five bags of ballast while another
spends twenty. The latter spends all
his time in travelling up and down,
making saw teeth, while the other sails
along in comparatively straight line.
The pilot who is out with the beginner
makes careful notes and gives full
iSPoiC w Vic IIClHbClS VA tLC aC1 "
club. He takes into consideration just
how much fluctuating the learner does.
He assists the new man, but watches
him carefully to find out how much grip
he has on the science.
The dilettante in search of new sem
sation is as dangerous as an AUTOMOBILE
ist with the speed mania. hesitate
to make a trip with a beginner who
says the danger is nothing, with the
man who says "Oh, I'm not afraid
I've got the nerve" As a matter of
fact when good sense is used, there is
no more danger than there is in an au-
tomobile trip. But there is much po-
tential danger. am willing to make
the trip with beginner who says:
"Now I'm new at this, and want you
to take the rudder. l don't know it
ALL"
Another thing, balloons and all air
crafts will soon be equipped with wire
less telephone. An air craft in dis
tress can send c. Q. D. message to
earth just like a vessel at sea. 1t
should be compulsory that equipment |
for communications with the earth or
airshipS be installed. A balloon in |
trouble would simply telephone its To-
cation or general direction and rescue
balloons or automobiles could be sent |
to the rescue.
The U. S. army corps with which l
have been connected has successfully
with DeForest instru-
ment, weighing less than 100 pounds.
However, there is new sparkless and
telephone of the radio variety
which weighs only 10 pounds and which
any balloonist can safely carry. The
radio sparkless attachment does away
with the danger of setting the gas bag
on fire. The weight of the telephone
is so small that when the balloon lands
out in the country the operator can put
it under his arm and take it with him.
An old fashioned wireless telegraph is
for the reason that it makes
a spark that may ignite the gas bag.
Ballooning has advanced so far now
that it is no longer experimental, but
IS science. The throwing out of bal
asst is science. 1t takes long time
% learn to handle a balloon properly.
Why, in the fitness of things, should a
beginner, one who has nothing to urge
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
To Enjoy

the full confidence of the Well-lnformed
of the World and the Commendation Of
the most eminent physicians it was essen
tial that the component parts of Syrup
of Figs and Elixir of Senna should be
known to and approved by them; there
fore, the California Fig Syrup Co. pub
fishes full statement with every package.
The perfect purity and uniformity of pro-
duct, which they demand in a laxative
remedy of an ethical character, are assured
by the Company's original method OF man
ufacture known to the Company only.
The figs of California are used in the
production of Syrup Of Figs and Elixir of
SIENNA to promote the pleasant taste, but
the medicinal principles are obtained from
plants known to act most benefcially.
To get its beneficial effects always buy
the genuine-manufactur by the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co. only, and for sale
by all leading druggists.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Restorative
Recipe for Men
e,Ooo0e0e 5000 o0toe COCO 600

This will prove a welcome bit of information
for all those who are overworked gloomy, de-
spondent, nervous. and have trembling limbs,
heart palpitation dizziness, cold extremeties, in
somnia, fear without cause timidity in venturing
and general inability to act naturally and ration
ally as others do. because the treatment can be
prepared secretly at home and aiken without any
ones knowledge.
If the reader decides to try it. get three ounces
of ordinary syrup sarsaparilla compound and one
compound fluid balmwort; mix, and let
stand two hours: then get one ounce compound
essence cardiol and one ounce tincture cadomene
compound mot damom); mix all together,
shake well and take teaspoonful after each
meal and one when retiring.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
ID the indignant gracer.


Harker--Fine automobile, Coggwood.
What do you call it?
Coggwood-Peary.
Harker-After the arctic explorer,
Ell? And why?
Coggwood-Because it is always max.
ing dash for the pole.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

Hannibal, the illustrious general, driv-
en- to despair by his enemies. had taken
poison and had laid himself down to die
Anyhow, he said, my name will
live in history"
His foresight was unerring.
Two thousand years later town in
Missouri was named in his honor.-Chi
caco Tribune
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Almost Incapacitated.

A colonel in General Lees division In
in more apple-jac than was good for
him. Passing him one evening, leaning
against tree, the general said: Good
evening, Colonel. Come over to my
tent for moment, please" "S-s-cuse
me, g-g-en'ral, s-s-cuse me-" replied the
Colonel. "It's bout all l can do stay
where l am
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Lesson from the Past.

Robin Hood had just handed back half
the contents of the slender purse he had
taken from the plainly dressed traveller
IF you were a rich man." he said, I'D
soak you for the whole of it, but I'm no
hog l exact only what think the traffic
will bear"
For Robin Hood, with all his faults,
lived faithfully up to his idea of what
graduated income tax ought to be.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Uncle Jerry.

"As general thing" observed Uncle
Jerry PEBBLES, II believe in lettin wom-
en- have whatever they want: but when
/ see one of 'em goin' around with a
spring hat on her head that locke like
an old d-fashioned beehive that's been
tarred and feathered and then struck by
lightning, | begin to wonder. by George,
if it would be safe to trust her with the
ballot !'-Chicago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
PreIin inary. !

"Mrs. McGoozle, your husband is a sin
gularly gifted man. It's wonder to me
that he isn't on the lecture platform"
II think he contemplates taking to that
some day. In fact, he has been ecturing
In desutory sort of way. just for prac
tice for the last ten years"
"Why, where. Mrs McGooze"
"At home. I'm the audience"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
INanie.

Uncle Hiram-So you play base ball,
do you, Dickey? Has your ball club got
a name?
Five Old-Has it got name.
Gee! You've heard of the Rag Alley
Yannigans. haven't you, uncle? Well, I'm
their reg'lar shortstop. We're goin' to
whale the everlastin' stufiin out o the
Bumtown Billygoats next Saturday =
Chicago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Amply Qualified.

Farmer Honk-IIear ye are goin' to
send you son to college, Eben?
Farmer Bornkicker-Don't see anv
reason why l shouldn't-he's too dunn
lazy to work, has too much hair, and
can yell SOS you can hear him most
q mile-The Circle.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Waited.

80 you want to earn enough to buy
you dinner. eh?'
Eyes, boss"
81 wish you had come around here
half an hour ago"
al did, boss"
"Well, there was ton of coal to
be carried in then; why didn't you
knock?'
81 seen de coal.'-Houston Post
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Sarca IN j..
Cleaning the Stage.

Cleaning the Stage.
1--WE hope" said the spokesman Of
the committee, ''to enlist your support
in favor of clean stage"
"You have it," responded the theat-
rical manager, heartily. "Why, almost
every one of my plays opens with a
girl busting everything in sight,
Philadelphia Ledger
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
fThe Similarity.

Mrs Gunner-Henry, you would per-
sist in calling that last cook a vision
There was nothing pretty about her.
Mr.. Gunner-Not at all.
Mrs. Gunner-Then why did you call
her a vision?
Mr.. Gunner-Because visions fade
away. She remained only two days.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Arrogance of Wealth,

"What's them apples WORTH" asked the
farmer, stopping in front of fruit
stand.
"In that pile?' said the proprietor of
the stand. Five cents apiece"
80? Well, | guess I'll eat about
dimes worth.
Thereupon he took two big red apples
out of a capacious pocket in his over
coat and stroled on. placidly munchins
one of them.--Chcago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

"Now here" said the salesman, sis a
cigar | can recommend
Il know you can. young man. said
the customer. II tried one of them the
other day on your recommendation. What
l want is brand you can recommend
without lying"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Getting 1t RIGHT.

They asked him if his name was Tahiti.
And merrily the big man laughed.
why, no." he said; my name is Taft,
Which, as you will find by consulting the
various dictionaries and paying
particular attention to the marks
indicating the correct pronuncia-
ton of the words therein,
Almost, if not quite, rhymes with raft
Chicago Tribune
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
No Exact Equivalent.

1T would be correct to say, then, that
you are on the water wagon, wouldn't
it?' asked the reporter
NO" said the distinguisher actor
that hardly expresses it. | have merely
quit drinking coffee and taken to more
wholesome beverages. You might say,
perhaps, that | am on the milk wagon
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Revenge.

I'm going to get even with all the
phonograph fiends in our fiat"
"How So?''
"Give my kids snare drums fOs
Christmas. detroit Free Press.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Inside History.

Indignant Wife-What's the use of my
saying anything to you, John! 1t goes
in at one ear and out at the other
Provoking Husband-Not always, Ma
ria. When you say anything worth mind
ing I stop it on the way through.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

"That statesman Is a man Of won
derful initiative"
"Yes," answered Senator Sorghum !;
"there is no doubt about his initiative.
He starts things that nobody on earth
eould finish. h."-Washington Star.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Not Now.

"unwritten law?"
Mr. Chugwater-T isn't any. It's
been written up in all the papers. I've
told you that before.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
The Qualifications.

II want somebody to report wo-
mans congress-" said the managing
editor.
"Some one well versed in parliament
tary language, | presume"
"Nope Some one who understands
such terms as passementerie, aigrette
and the like. kansas City Journal.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Any Change an prOvement.

Photographer-Is that the most pleas
Ing expression you can ASSUME?
Sitter-Yes. sir.
Photographer-The for heavens sake,
glare ferociously at me!
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
A HandicaD.

"My mammals yardstick has three feet, y
Said Willie, cute and cunning
"I've only two, but / can beat
My mammals yardstick running"
Indoa
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

The irresistible high handshake CHANGED
to meet the immovable low handshake.
Whereupon they gave each other the
cold shake and passed on.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

SORE EYES. weak, infamed, red,
watery and swollen eyes, use PETIT
IT'S EYE SALVE. All druggists or
Howard Bros, Buffalo, N. Y.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Her Constitutional Right.

his business, have you?
Maybelle-Yes; but l have since used
the-er-recall on him.-Chicago Trib-
une.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

Stranger Happening along) WHAT'S
all that loud wrangling about in there?
Sexton--The ladies, sir, are holding an
adjourned meeting in the silence room
Chicago Tribune
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
At the Night School.

Teacher-Who's Wordsworth
Shaggy Haired Pupil (interrupting)-
A dollar apiece? Any living ex-Presi'
dents
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Why They Don't.

Would some oracle might utter,
Giving me the reason why
Maidens in a constant fiutter
Never fly
Fundamentals News.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Those Loving Friends.

Nan exhibiting her latest photography }
Don't you think three-quarters view
better than a profile?
Fan-No, dear; it shows too much OF
the face.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
COncisely Stated.

Mrs. Ferguson-George, what are the
seven deadly sins?
Mr.. Ferguson-Being a candidate for
any Office.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Soothing
syrup the best remedy to use for their children
during the teething period.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Suspicious Circu m y stanct

The grocer had warranted the maple
sirup to be the real stu.
1T doesn't taste like any maple sirup
I ever bought" said the customer, who
had just sampled it, "and | strongly sus-
pect--"
"Sir ~ sald the indignant gracer.
81 strongly suspect in spite of your
guaranty, that it's genuine"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
More About Him.

Of gardening the city man
Oft little understands.
Yet never fails to raise a crop
Of blisters on his hands.
kansas City Times.
And when his NJ c. franks to him
A lot of garden seeds,
He plants them and is sure to raise
A splendid crop of weeds.
Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
Hoods Sarsaparilla
Business Proposition.

your honor" said the convicted beg
gar, "can't you change my sentence of
Imprisonment to a fine?'
suppose | did" said the Judge,
"where would you get the money to
pay it?'
"Oh," replied the C. b., 81 could beg
a little every day till l had enough"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22

EITC st. Vitus Dance orvous Diseases perma-
III nently cured by DIR. ! ines Great Nerve Re-
sorer. Send for FREE So 90 tra bottle and treatise.
DIR. r. II. Kline, Id, 81 Arch St. Philadelphia, Pa.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
The Winter of His Discomfort,

"What's the matter? Aren't your
pictures success?"
NO"
But the papers say they are full
OF warmth"
That's it; they are all Arctic
scenes. Houston Post.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-04-22
P RU MA
For Catarrh of the Throat of Two
Years Standing.

81 was afflicted for two years with
catarrh of the throat. At first it was
very slight, but every cold took made
it worse.
al followed your directions and in a
very short time began to improve. !
took one bottle and am now taking
my second. ! can safely say that my
throat and head are cleared from Ca
tarrh at the present time, but still
continue to take my usual dose for a
spring tonic, and find there is moth
ing better. Mrs. w. Pray, 26O
Twelfth St., Brooklyn, N. Y.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-12

THE NEW GRAY WORSTED TROUSERS we are selling
at $500 and $500 fine enough to with frock
Thanksgiving, Sunday any other occasion.
And if they good enough for that surely they good
enough for regular business with your
suit. Visit pants department and the q M
$1,000, $500, $780, $3.50 and $6.5 values MI SU
At $500 and ~ lie wv
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-12
IF you fat men and tall men will par

you Tat men and tail men VIII par
= don some strong language, will say bluntly
9ee d lot OF rot and nonsense in the claim that
men why should fit? Such special sizes
ARE made by Hart, Schafner Marx keep full sup
ply OF them shade pattern fabric Don't be
sed oy old fashioned notions fit and
Let US show you. $1,000 49, ~
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-12

IL Ou1 p1J lldllu ldllUlCu 81
will find all the class and quality which
- garment you ever owned. Only our
with the makers is responsible for this s
on genuinely hand tailored suits and overcoats Moreo
the latest gray patterns much in demand in the high
may choose from 900 of SUITS overcoats and ran
The Elbert County tribune., 1909-04-08
KUTcH KLIPPINGs

The Ellingwoods have moved to the
Cannon ranch near Hutch.
The knowledge Hill Sunday school
is preparing an Easter program.
j. N. Beckley intends giving dance
in his new house in the near future.
Carmie Slough, daughter OF Mr.. and
Mrs. Ed Slough of Prairie View, is quite
sick with typhoid fever.
Laugh and the world laughs with
you" is good old maxim, but it won't
apply to the anti-H Holt county smile.
Messrs. Baker and Reisinger and
their wives visited Rev. Croft and fam
lily near Calhan Saturday and Sunday.
Charles Baker and his sister, Maud,
have returned from Colorado Springs,
where they spent the most of the
winter.
Mrs. George Reeger and daughter
have returned to their Pueblo home
after weeks visit with relatives and
friends.
j. Moore, contractor and builder, re-
turned to his work in Pueblo on Sunday
after weeks visit with his family near
knowledge Hill.
The two young sons Of Ed Paget, liv-
The Elbert County tribune., 1909-04-08
connANcHE AND VICINITY
Miss Shane went home Friday.

Miss Shane went home Friday.
Tom Williams was an Elbert visitor
Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. P. H. Mulligan spent
Tuesday in Ebert.
Mrs. Corbett and Mrs. Biendorf were
Elbert callers Friday.
j. D. Brown and j. G. Molloy we're
Comanche visitors Thursday.
Charlie Corkett Of Virginia arrived
at his brother, Eds, Saturday.
Mrs. w. s. Porter and children are
guests at the George Elsner home.
Mr.. and Mrs. Joseph tanner spent
Thursday at the Richard Maui ranch.
Mr.. and Mrs. Richard Elsner spent
Saturday night and Sunday at the
George Elsner home.
The d. @. Corbett family attended
the party at the Clibon home Saturday
night. All reported a pleasant time.
AUNT Polly.
The Elbert County tribune., 1909-04-08
FoNDIs FoLLlEs

frankie Woodland was Fondis caller
Sunday.
&C. Cox set out some fruit trees the
past weak. ,-.--.-.s.s---.Aa...
Mrs. Scribner attended services at
Fondis Sunday.
Frank Hurley left Sunday to join his
father at work.
S. w. Wynns is visiting his mother at
Sturgis, Kentucky.
Misses Effie Tweedy and Julia Evans
Of Ramah attended the dance Saturday
light.
The dance in the school house was
quite well attended and everybody pres
ent enjoyed good time.
Q. B. Hollems arrived with his crew
Saturday night from northeast of Kiowa,
where they have been at work on big
dam for the past three weeks.
The Elbert County tribune., 1909-04-08
The April Everybody" 5"

"When today died, an epoch end
ed. Inter it in the crypt with Alexan-
der's, with Ceser's, with Napoleon's."
Thomas w. Lawson writes, in the April
EvERYBoDY's, Enthusiastically stir.
ring appreciation of Theodore Roosevelt,
under the title, "The passing of the
Man." and the editors add to this brief
review Of the ex-Presdents career as
public servant and citizen, and a god
speed to the new chief executive.
The third shot, and perhaps the most
effective from a practical standpoint, in
the campaign against margin gambling,
is fired in "The Game Gets You," by
John Parr; and added to it is the con.
fession of branch manager of one of
New York's big Stock Exchange houses.
tits called "a Hireling of Wall Street"
With national commission consider.
ing ways and means OF bettering Ameri-
cas- waterway utilization, and bills be-
fore half-dozen or more state legisla-
lures dealing with the same problem,
John L. Mathews article. "Making Rivers
Work." hits the middle Of the target
squarely. 1t shows what Europe has
done. 1t shows how much better Amer
lea could do it.
Noless timely is alcoholism, Its Caus-
alton and its Arrest, by the Rev. Sam
uel McComb-an outline OF the methods
used by the Emmanuel church in, com.
1. o. l. = 4
E. Alexander Powell writes interest
ingly OF the life of the Ottoman woman
in "Prisoners of the Harem;" Hartly
Davis explains the slum's penetration
into modern plays; and in the closing
chapter of "rhe Womans Invasion" Will
liam Hard and Rheta Childe Dorr con
siders the effect of woman's work after
marriage upon the home and family
life.
Fiction is evenly distributed Emily
Posts charmingly descriptive story, "The
Title Market" goes into its third Install
ment; Forrest Crissey and Harrison L.
Beach collaborate in "The Whipped
Man." powerful story of the night
riders in the tobacco war of Kentucky;
Harrison Rhodes and Ellis Parker Butler
hold up the numerous side in "Justice
to William Riggs and "The Late John
Virgins" johnson Morton contributes
"Waiting;" and Parker IL. Fillmore be-
trays delightful insight into childish
emotions in "A Little Daughter of Eve"
"Little Stories Of Real Life" there are
by Paul West and Chris Healy. Poetry
there is, by James e. Richardson and
Edith Wyatt. And the departments de-
voted to book reviews, anecdotes and
publishers editorials are continued as
usual.