davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

impossible, he seeks the rails and finds
travel there excellent Hence. the rail-
road and State or local authorities are
encountering unexpected obstacles In their
efforts to keep trespassers from the
tracks.
Unlike the corporations and the race
track owners. the tramp cannot engage
counsel to nuiiify measures for his re-
preston, and with a vigorous enforce
ment Of the present laws in most Of the
States. the evil Of the weary Willies"
will be greatly minimized Likewise, the
casualty list OF our railroads will show
a decided improvement
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
In Explanation.

From the New York Mail
1t is no more remarkable that a
wealthy malefactor" is more difficult to
convict than a small CRATER. than it is
that a sturdy rufian is harder 70 arrest
than a mere vagabOnd. or a cunning
rogue than a simpleton al wrongdoing.
But the very fact that some men have
natural advantages when they are sum-
moned before the bar OF justice Is rea-
son additional for seeing that no artificial
advantages are added. Unequal and in
equitable are not identical terms.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
THE AVIATION MEET.

The Big Stick falls in line. head
erect and chest swelling, with its
contemporaries in Washington and
Baltimore. for the aviation meet
next year.
We are undecided as yet as to the
best place for the high, low, and
long-distance flyers, but we are in.
clined to favor the Eastern Branch
fats They are easy Of access. and
in case any OF the heavier-than-air
machine navigators get fall, II
viii be On soft spot, which is
preferahle. The fats being IN close
proximity to tho United States
Navy Yard, tho government can ex-
pertinent as to tho effect Of shot
and shell on aerial navigation. The
jail, workhouse. insane asylum, and
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
IDEAL COUNTRY LIFE.
Comforts OF Home Make for Happi-
ness as Well rs Success.

From The Progressive Farmer.
Did you ever think, Mr.. Farmer. that
all your planning and working and max
ing and saving-your efforts to raise
larger crops and acquire moro money
have for their one great aim the making
OF a better, a more attractive, a cheer
fuller, a happier home? For this, after
all. you pillow and SOW and reap-that you
and your wife and your children may
have a better place in which TO live and
may md I'm il more OF beauty and bright
ness and comfort.
There may be some folks who wish 20
acquire property for the mere sake Of
possession-simply 10 have and 10 hold
and feel that It is theirs. but we do not
believe that many Of our readers belong
TO this class. We thing instead that
most OF you who read this. while you
fully appreciate our efforts TO help you
make more money. realize that IL the
money thus made does not contribute to
the comfort and well-being Of those you
love, II is after all worth very little TO
you.
The home is the great thing. and a
poor home and a good farmer do not go
together. This is why we urge each and
every one Of you 10 add 10 his home just
as much Of beauty and convenience as is
possible 1t is only Justice to your wife
that she have just as many helps toward
making her work indoors easy and pleas
ant as you have in doing your work on
the farm. It is no more than the absO-
lutte right Of your children TO grow up
under the most favorable conditions and
among the most healthful and inspiring
surroundings which you are able 10 pro-
vide for them. And II IS no more than
you owe yourself that you make your
home a place TO which you are always
glad to go-one attractive to the eye.
restful to the body, inspiring to the mind,
and comforting TO the heart
This Is the sort OF home which we be-
lieve every one Of our readers is entitled
10, and which all might have. OF course
none Of you can have things Just as he
would: but we believe you Will find Il a
uoney-making proposition as well as a
source Of the deepest and truest satisfac-
ton 20 have your house painted: 20 make
the grounds about it Just as attractive as
your means and time Will allow; 10 see
that the surroundings are healthful; 20
provide your wife the labor-savlng equip
ment she needs and save her Just as
much work as possible; to put in as soon
as you can a water supply and a bath
room; TO spend a little for books and pic
lures and music and handsome, service
able furniture. We believe. let US repeat,
that It wiz pay you. merely as a financial
proposition. 10 do these things; but even
II 1t does not. you should 90 them just
the same, for is not this, after all, what
you are trying 10 make money FORT
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
SCAT

It's tbs business Of q poet,
OF tbs laureating style,
To sing his country's giories with
eciat~-
To MARBLE Of the women,
With their fairy forms divine.
Their sparkling eyes. their graces,
and all that
So. sing these things with gusto,
And ] chirp from nom to night
A willing bard. and gallant, too,
you betl
But I draw the line emphatic
On that freakish, catfish maid.
The whooping, bowling. fighting
suhragettsI
Oh the scTapping suirragettel
Oh. the Tapping suffragettel
On. the yapping and the swapping
suffragettel
They're always In a freb-scrt o.
pugilistic petl
A has the screechinC. preaching
suffragettel
J. CECIL BOOE.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
The worlds Timber.

Apparently the world approaches q
shortage OF timber. Prof. somerville's
recent paper upon this topic, before the
British Association. shows that Great
Britain pays each year e2Io00O00 for
wood; Germany. with nearly twelve times
the area Of forest possessed by Britain.
annually pays e12,OoOOo0 for imported
timber and. although the United States Of
American exports wood and wood prod
ucts TO the value OF e2o000.000 per an
mum. she has TO pay as much for imports.
In Europe. Sweden and Russia are, OF
course. the chief timber exporting coun-
tries. but in both cases the vast inrOads
on supplies is seriously felt, and exports
are being appreciably reduced. There
are, Of course. Canada and Siberia. but
IN Canada wood IS being used up at
rapid rate.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

cemetery are near by. and al IN an
a more suitable or desirable place
cannot be found anywhere IN the
United States.
And further. the neiEhboring
towns Of AnacostiA and Congress
Heights heartily approve Of the idea
and promise % entertain tho dis
tingiished foreigners who may be
present il 4 right royal manner.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

English papers are now talking fe-
verishly about 'super-Dreadnoughts,
says the Norfolk Landmark After that
viii come discussions of the supreme
Dreadnoughts." presumably; and after
that the discussion should be turned
over to the people who write the circus
heralds.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
BY YE LOCAL SCRIBE.

The Big Stick congratulates the
promoters q the great labor parade
on the splendid showing and sam
De Ncdrcy.
Reader: The de luxe edition Of
james G. Hooo's poems will be
ready for the publishers early the
coming winter,
That Cliff Long Is already prepar-
ing himself for the annual dinner
Of the Poodle Duck Club, q which
he Is the Chief Drake.
Midst the storm OF polar contro-
versy we've got one important piece
Of knowledge cinched, anyway-we
know now what an igloo Is.
Tine hangs heavily on the hands
Of Charlie G. Rogers since tho
baseball season has closed and all
have paid their personal taxes
DR.. H. L. f. johnson, with his
Jolly good nature. having spent some
months abroad, il again IN cur
midst much improved in flesh ana
figure.
The Big Stick offers its most
humble apology 10 Allen Albert for
not having mentioned him IN its
columns for several weeks. NeTeT
VIII it happen again.
Corcoran Thom has resumed his
natural state after his arduous la
bors during Inauguration. and WI
now work steadily for the inaugu-
ration Of the coming prosperity"
B. Frank Myers IS out with the
statement that nobody ever saw &
dead mule. He wants 20 know II
this was why a donkey Was chosen
as the emblem Of the Democratic
party.
Russell Palmer Allen. the debon-
air Assistant Superintendent Of the
postal registry system. after Cook
ing" Buffalo, Niagara Fails, Tona-
wanda, and LOckport, has returned
10 the city.
Col. stealey Is slghing for the old
days when the Louisville baseball
team was In the same league with
Washington. He says they were tho
only ones that ever finished below
the Senators.
We can understand how Merritt
Chance got by the eustom-houso
officers. but for the life q us we
can't see how they passed that
green overcoat he Is flashing around
the post-Ofiice.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
WE HEAR

That Mr.. Myron NJ. Parker WIN
soon again figure prominently IN
Washington doings.
That Lou Srayer VIII enter IFS
red automobile in the next endur-
ance and reliability run,
That Charles Kern VIII pass up
tho Associated Press, move out into
the country, and lead a simple
life.
That Harry Crist has decided to
attend all music rehcarsals the com
ing winter, diked out IN a full dress
suit.
That Willis Moore's idea as 70
who discovered the north pole is as
uncertain as his weather predic-
tons
That Townley Mckee Is about to
organizo a hotel trust IN the Capt
tai City. Alexandria. and nearby
resorta
That Cuno Rudolph has applied
for the fireworks privilege at Col
legs Park during the aviation meet
next year.
That Chris ]. Gockler has act up
a claim at the Basin, and can be
found there any morning at g
O'Clock with an assortment Of rods,
but no FISH.
That signund K1nn. Of Balti-
more and Washington. is non
committal as 70 which city he pre-
fers for the aviation meet next
year.
That Ed Halsey viii give up his
lob at the Senate press gallery and
act as 4 steady reception commit
tee Of one at the National Press
Club.
That Terrell and Little have
gone out Of the real estate busi-
ne5s and organized an automobile
lire to Burnt Mills and the sur
rounding country.
That Tom Noyes viii resign as
president OF the Washington base
ball club and devote the remainder
Of his days 10 the nobleT and
moro glorious undertaking Of practic-
ing journalism
That Joseph Ralph, Director Of
the Bureau Of Engraving and Print
iug, aud the working girls
friend" viii soon start on an ex-
tensivo lecture tour. Subject:
~sunragetteS."
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
TRIED A PRACTICAL JOKE.
Best PerDetratOr Finds II Working
with Reverse English.

with Reverse English.
From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Don't ever try 70 pull any comedy on
a life insurance agency. II doesn't pay
to wax jocular vita life insurance men,
because they're the wisest people there
are and you can't get anything past
them. Many insurance men are so sa-
gacious that they can understand the
average life insurance policy.
Take this case: a gainesville man.
who may be called Johnson. because his
name is something else. received a cir
cular letter from a Cleveland insurance
agency with postal card inclosed for him
10 sign and send in If he wanted further
information Being one Of the leading
jokers OF the town, Johnson did not sign
his own name 10 the card: he signed his
friend Thompson's name and then drop
pei the card into the letter box.
Then, when the willy insurance men
sent representative out to gainesville.
he went right 10 see Thompson, the man
whose name was signed 20 the card.
didn't he? Answer: He didn't He went
straight 70 see Johnson. just as II John
son had affixed his own signature TO the
card when he mailed t.
We got your card, the agent saws
to Johnson. land I came out 10 talk
things over with you.
'W-h-a-a-tr' gasped Johnson. why
why. that isn't my SIGNATURE
NO." admitted the agent. but you
see. it's your handwriting"
We'll, how IN the hotel did you find
It out?" burst out Johnson IN an IN
guarded moment.
"Oh, never mind about that" soothed
the Insurance man, smilingly. I'VE have
10 know all such things. Let's talk about
insurance Why let the mere detail Of
your signing the wrong name occupy
u.s."
IN tell you what I'll do" declared
Johnson Put me wise 10 how you
found that out and I'll be doggoned il
/ don't take cut a policy for $500 with
you. II you people could figure out that
you must be pretty keen bunch"
The agent pointed 10 a serial number
on the post card, hidden away where no
body would ever notice st. Whenever a
postal card was sent out with q circular.
record Of the serial number was kept IN
the office. Practically all Insurance com
panies work that system nowadays.
The gainesville man was astonished,
almost disguised. at the simplicity Of
the scheme, but he kept his word
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

From the Chicago Record-Herald
"Confound it," said Napoleon when he
had crossed the Alps. they tell me Han
nibal did it first He has violated the
ethics Of Alp crossing I have made
study OF crossing Alps, and he should,
therefore, have tried to get into Italy by
some other method. / don't believe he
ever crossed. He has handed the world
q gold brick
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Idle Thoughts.

The bitter end in cigars is the last
half inch.
Everybody IS anxious 70 serve rich
man with a subpoena
One boarder claims the fruit salad is
Just another scheme FOR serving prunes
When nice men are put up. how are
we going to stop a woman from voting
for both candidates?
The insurance company agrees TO pay
a certain amount TO one widow.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Frnm the Chicago EVcning PoGt
Tho statement Of Mr.. Knox and the direct infer
ences % be drawn from It are. IN a diplomatic
sense. damaging % the interests Of this country.
While seeking 20 cover be made revelations Of FAR
more value 70 the foreign country most concerned
than anything that appeared IN the newspaper article
which Is said 70 have been based on an 'indisc-oet
interview given by Minister Crane
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

The purchase Of a sawmiH in Hun
gary by the Countess Szechenyi suggests
the Idea that her full determination to cut
some Ice In European royal circles has in
nowise diminished with the passing
months
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

A st. Louis man broke his collar bone
while rising TO give his seat to a lady
in a street car recently. Only the other
day We read where another man plunged
headlong from the car window after ex-
tending similar courtesy. Nevertheless.
we are moved to hope that those people
in favor Of reviving that polite, but OBJ
solete, old custom win not be discour-
aged.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

The Pittsburg Times lnclines TO
think it no longer true that the only
good Indian IS a dead Indian, and this
because the total in the United States
IS merely a scant 1000 Perhaps It
would be more considerable nowadays TO
say that the only good Indian is a scarce
Indian.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
HOW A COUNTRY PAPER TALKS.

There vas a man IN or town.
And he was woudTous wise.
be Swore by al tho dogs that Be
he would NOT advertise.
At last one day he advertised.
And thereby hang q tale:
The al was set IN uouparcu
And beaded "Sherf's Sale"
Midway lKy.) Clipper.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
NEAR-WAR.

There Is an old sinner named Gan
non,
Mr.. Parsons Says hen put ban
onl
But I've heard that before
That old spiel-o'er and o'erI
And 1t ran on. and ran on. and ran
ont
BEDLOE BEY.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
AN ANrIEnr EPIsoDE.

Lars Porsena Of Clusium
Sat in his ivory car;
No house in sight, nor any light,
And he from home afar.
And so he sat az twilight
And glowered at the scene,
The while his man went for can
OF Tuscan gasoline.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

There are symptoms that the desperate
efforts to discredit DIT. Cook are about
to peter out utterly The last envious
hope of proving that he did not reach the
north pole appears to lie in the posi-
bility OF proving that he did not reach
the summit OF Mount Mckinley.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

The protective tariff needs help" says
Senator Penrose-just whatever that
means II we may believe Iowa, Indiana,
ct al. it probably will need an under
taker before many more years have
passed-or, at least, the services of some
frst-class physicians.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
De. Tnft and prninnge.

From thu Charleston News and Courier.
Mr.. Taft committed himself thoroughly 70 the
present irrigation policy q the government. the ap-
prUrriation OF largo sums Of public money fox the
Improvement Of and lands In tie West and when
be comes to Charleston we should like 70 have him
declare himself fully upoa the subject Of drainage
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
MIR. Hawley's Railway Policy.

From the Philadelphia Press
As Tor Hawley. he IS not builder Of new roads.
but upbuilder Of old Instead Of construct
ing he IS merging but. in the OF the others.
he needs unlimited nerve and money and unbounded
optimism in the coming greatness Of his country.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

King Alfonso's reply to those who
threatened his life II Ferrer's death
sentence was not committed appears to
have been plain enough. The Bourbons
have generally been pretty long on per-
sonal courage. however. whatever may
be said OF them otherwise.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

We regret 70 report that one Szwool-
skicz and one Bjshinerszi engaged in
deadly combat over in Philadelphia re-
Gently, and as a result Of the encounter
Szwoolslzicz is in jail and Bjshinerszi is
in the hospital. The moral OF this story
Is: Do not be a proOfreader.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

It is extremely difficult for those Wash
ingtonians who travel rarely into for
eign provinces to understand the appar-
ent fierce end Incorporating hostility
entertained toward Mr.. Speaker Cannon
by Congressman on the home sturnp.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

number Of Southern papers are cold
~ critical Of Mr. Taft's admission that
he met IAN old sweetheart" in Seattle
The general opinion is that former
sweetheart" would have been a much
more gallant EXPRESSION.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
A True Philosopher.

I wish I were eligible TO Join one OF
these patriotic sons Of something"
TOO bad you're not
Stil. II my ancestors hadn't always
taken 70 the woods in time OF warfare,
! might not be here"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
smoking in Church

From the 81. Louis GlOboDemoc-at.
1t has come at last. Smoking by men
IS 70 be allowed in church at Dayton.
Ohio. Efforts 20 popularize the church
in these days are advancing so rapidly
that the church may soon become the
most formidable competitor OF the club
as a place to 80 to have a good time.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
IN. LonE,s Tnrin Wow.

Prom tho Norfolk YirEiniAn-Pilot.
Mr.. Long. Of Kansas. agrees With Mr.. Aldrich
and President Taft that the tariff law lately
acted By Congress is an Improvement any which
has preceded it. As he is extreme protectionist
this opinion simply that the present schedules
impose higher duties on competitive articles.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

From the Springfield Republican.
Gen. Charles Grosvenor, Of Athens. being inter
viewed on the chances Of defeating Gov Harmon. of
Ohio agrees that it viii b a hard JOB and that
ex Senator Foraker would not be equal the task.
but no carefully eTadei the reporters question as
20 whether he intended to become candidats.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Mr.. TAFT IS certainly good natured. We
hope his apparent willingness 20 be ac-
commodating In all things, however. will
not prompt some enterprising Arizonaite
TO sell him a block OF stock in a near
gold mine.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
OF Course.

why can't a woman campaign? Why
can't she hold other women spellbound2
She has two chances TO impress her
audience where a nan has one"
What are they?"
Her oratory and her gowns"
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Loo. out for AZ Cops.

From the Boston Transcript
Jack Highhy-win you come for Joy
ride IN my acceptance
Miss De Titte-Ycu don't mean a Joy
ride; you mean a skylark.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

TT has Just been discovered that the
new tariff law imposes a duty on cats"
says the Pittsburg Dispatch. Hope Mr..
Loeb will remember that when the next
outlay Of sufRragettes tries to get by
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

As a result Of the present New York
pie famine. scent slices viii be much
smaller in the future. This will involve
the saving Of considerable wear and tear
on the long-suffering New York stomach.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Look II Tn.

IN never hire another high-brow press
agent"
what's the matter. Miss Footlites?"
He describes my costumes as being
exlguous. He may mean we'll. but the
Broadway crowd doesn't carry diction-
aries
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
The Gems Holm.

Beggars can't be choosers,
So the maxim says
Yet Oft. ! ween, they choose between
Ten plunks or thirty days.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Mr.. Lodge and Local Issues.

From the Boston Herald.
Senator Lodge takes his chances IN open debate
with the horny-handed farmers Of Nahant in town
meeting assembled For the moment the question
Of horse or motor hose wagon takes precedence over
foreign policies
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
PEOPLE AND THINGS
The Giving of TIPS.

The 'no-tip" hotel In London IS re-
ported by that keen observer, Mr..
Howells, as an interesting experiment.
But It is only that The success Of the
plan depends entirely upon the disposition
Of the patrons. Americans are gradually
learning that tipping in this country is
more expensive than abroad Across the
water 10 per cent is a liberal gratu!ty on
the total Of a restaurant check. But in
the United States the six-penny becomes
a quarter; the three-penny tip is a dime,
usually thankless. But We do not have
70 tip quite so many persons. In London
one tips the salesman in a shop and the
policeman in the street In the United
States the habit OF tipping grows more
extensive. as well as expensive. II is
eemoralizing to both giver and taker
II tips are a part Of wages. the service
rendered the patron is no better in
quantity or quality
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Mr. AIdrIeh nd Homo.

From the Providence Journal
There Rre many Republicans for that matter.
who Will not 30 impressed by the fulsoms praise Of
Mr. Aldrich or tho childish boast that his name will
DO remembered when the names OF bis critics are
forgotten.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Got Their Doubts.

1 haven't beat my WHEY yet; I haven't
caused her 20 regret her married past
And all her friends cavort around and
murmur with a rasping sound: Hope
it'll lastr'
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16
Gov. Fort and Reform.

From the New YORK sun.
Between Gov. Fort Of New jersey. and the lead
Gs now in control Of the Republican party in his
State there Is 81 much II feeling and bad viii that
there Is hops Of his recommendations for admin
istratye reform being acted on With sympathy.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Or. TO express It differently. in the mat
ter OF fight with Uncle Joe " variobs
patriotic statesmen find that distance
lends enchantment to the stew.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

may have imagined. the outcome OF
thoughts anent the sudden and sharp
drop in temperature incident TO the day
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

"a Los Angeles man has left fortune
10 a girl who refused 70 marry him"
says the Buffalo Express. Greater graf
itude than that hath no man.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Having waxed fat on moth balls these
many temperate moons. the moths viii
now retire to their lairs and await an
other crop OF last winters clothes.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

The Bookman wants 70 know whether
there is any money in fiction. Mr. Peary
intmates very pointe1ly that DIT. Cook
IS making considerable money dispensing
e
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Viewing the situation in New York. we
can hardly help wondering IL mayor is
worth the price, anyhow.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

The reference IN these columns yester-
day TO Mr.. Tied" Robinson. OF the Cleve-
land Leader as Tod" was purely mad
vertent. ana not, as some evil persons
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

Where are the campaign libel suits Of
yesteryear? The winds have blown them
all away
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

AS copy producer en- route. Mr.. Taft
is not IN Mr.. Roosevelts class little
BIT.
The Washington herald., 1909-10-16

AS to the passage Of the English budg
ct, o Lords. how long?