The morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1899-1930, 1909-02-07

traeted BY greatly exaggerated tales
Of money making, essayed this peeu'
liar line ~ work, and brought prices
down 10 point SO low that turned
once more TO my old line Of goods
10 my horror | found that had
completely lost my light and, humor-
Gus touch, and that funny ideas OF
the sort that once literally huhled
over in my brain had completely de-
serted Il, In vain tried to think OF
some CHEEKY and merry form Of dis
as,er OF the kind preeipitated by m
ehriety ar the unexpected onslaught
az ,he GOAT The habit Of taking a
gloomy view OF everything and OF see
ing nothing but filth and misery M
stead OF merriment and good cheer
had taken firm hold upon my mind
| would begin poem or funny story
IN my old blithe way only 70 end il in
a wall Of grief over the misdeeds OF
corporate wealth,
"Agaiu and again my humorous
goods were returned TO me from Gus
toners who had once regarded my
signature as a positive guarantee OF
literary excellence. and At last ] was
forced TO seek new undertaking en-.
ployment At the hands of the same
editor who had first tempted me from
my legitimate path But ohl what
change had taken place since last
did business with him. He listened
with polite attention to my proposal,
bu, when offered to work for the
same price that he had formerly paid
me. he shook his head deeisively and
said Is Il possible that you have not
heard Of the awful drop in the prices
OF muck-rakingl A Jew years ago We
we're obliged TO pay very large wages,
but that was when j, was regarded as
a difficult art or proiession' now Il
is merely a craft that ranks with bas.
ket weaving and can be followed al
home by the women and children Of
the family Besides he said, every
thing has been investigated 10 the last
point OF endurance, and now that the
bill to kill pigs by ehloroiorm has been
vetoed, and it is impossible to obtain
hearing for any enactment designed
to prevent horned cattle from dying
BY anything short OF nervous pros
tratiou. even the long suffering Amer
lean public has reached the limit Of
| its hysteria and credulity. Besides
our readers have found out that from
time immemorial millionaires have
worn iur-lined oyercoats and set thei
money in circulation thru such med
iums as the race track, the stock mar
ket, and the eomic-opera star. Yot
can no longer awaken tidal wave o
indignation by proving that in New
port each wine is served in differ
ent glass. However, as you have al
ways shown yourself an excellen
workman, ! am willing to make as lib
eral an offer to you as lies within m.
power "
"And did you take the work at hi
terms?" | inquired.
eyes" he said sadly. There wa
no other course open TO me. an
now muck-raker for life and | d.
not mind saying that this line Of worl
has brought more sorrow into on
trade than anything that could hav
happened to it-not excepting even
return to the old time custom OF pay
ing only on publication and not al
ways then. Come with me and vii
; show you what undertaking has don
for the unfortunate Fairview family,
He led the way into a room origin
ally intended for a parlor, but nov
fitted up with work benches and stool
Here ! was presented to Mrs. Fair
view and her eldest daughter wht
were putting the finishing touches Z
Graft in the Toothpick Trust" ant
were 50 busy that they scarcely paus
ed in their work when we entered. Il
the dining room the younger childref
were filling a Fearless Expose 0
Society" with Undeniable Facts, anC
on a table in the best bedroom stooC
the work on which John Fairviev
himself had been engaged at the mo
ment Of my arrival He pointed tc
the manuscript with thin, toil-stain
ed finger and said: That is one 0
the finest pieces Of undertaking eve
turned out in this household 1t is ;
fearless exposure Of what goes on il
the sewers and yet | have hard worl
to dispose Of it. l would not have
sold it at all, perhaps, If it had no
been for my very apt and attractive
title"
"And what was that" ! asked.