Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1909-07-15

ney. The unexpected 10 man u al
ways a Joyous thing-if sorrow II not
train-bearer. So. shaven and shorn
OF care for the while. he Joins the
mighty caravan and betimes arrives.
The ocean and the moon. to say moth
ing of music. sea-food. and beautiful
women. make life almost too perfect
thing.
Monday morning comes. IL he an
unwilling pilgrim cityward? Not he.
Refreshed. he goes back to work in
order to secure the wherewithal for
his family to do themselves proud,
and him credit.
Occasionally our man decides to do
little "chefing" at home. This usu-
ally strikes him when the funds are
running low. He decides upon plain
steak" and considers himself a Ma
poleon OF finance when he has pur-
chased provender for one meal at the
cost of similar festival at a fash
ionable restaurant. Let US see. The
steak Is as thick as a slender roast.
He decides to broil ii in a pan He
does-not wisely, but too we'll He
lets II cook itself while he answers
the clamoring phone. Jones and he
covenant together to go out upon a
motor trip an hour hence. When he
hangs up the receiver. his nostrils are
previously offended. He sprints
kitchenward. There Is no steak.
There is cinder. Also there Is no
pan. Our hero uses strenuosities of
expression. and goes steakless the
while. That night Jones wonders why
his companion eats so ravenously. Po-
likeness forbids comment; nevsrthe-
less Jones wonders. The joys of home
cooking are honored in the breach
henceforth by our friend. At the
worst, while the lunch counter -four
ishes, no man need cook, decides he.
To a grass-widower, next in CON-
panionableness to the cheerful clock,
comes good leakless hose.
What is the natural impulse of
the Homecoming man upon
torrid night? Exactly! To get
the hose. What fun he gets
out of 1t only another man OF SINH
lar mind can appreciate. How he de-
lights in deluging the street before
his own door. then before his neigh
boris on the right then upon the left,
and after them the deluge across the
way, as far as his nozzle will reach.
How he aches TO sprinkle that silly
spooning couple across the way, or
would delight In sousing the girls too
uumindful parents.
Ever and anon he chuckles mirth-
fully. All! if he dared take off his
shoes and socks and paddle around
upon the wet pavement. He does
not; What would Mary say, he won
ders, and for her sake, and little be-
cause he'd hate like sin to be caught
red-handed or barefooted in so boy
ish an act, he keeps on his "tans."
Finally he unscrews his hose after a
full hours dalliance.
Is,he a creature of commiseration,
think We, We mournful-tidings bearers?
If his are days of labor, are not his
nights nights of rest? He sleeps
home. of course. Where? Oh, any
where that there may be a breath of
air. From the roof to the cellar he
may bunk" and no one say to him
nay. If he is doing foolish thing"
1t is his affair. That cold that he
might catch" will be his cold; there
fore. pillows in glad hand, robed
breezily, he wends his peaceful way
en- route for comfort and the land o.
Nod.
Finally he is snoring, and-per-
chance dreams of Mary, or of Martha,
or of that gold-laden ship that is soon
coming in, or some other dream OF the
happy grass-widower.