Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-03-12

by saying:
"My mother wants 10 cents worth of
| your rotten rye"
"How's timeS?" inquired a tourist.
"0h, pretty t0ierable," responded the
old native who was sitting on stump.
II had some trees to cut down, but a cy-
! clone came along and saved me the
trouble"
"Fine."
eyes, and then the lightning set fire to
| the brush pile and saved me the trouble
of burnin' it"
Remarkable. But what are you doing
nOw?"
"Oh, nothin' much, Jest waitin' for an
earthquake to come along and shake the
potatoes out Of the ground"
Little Joe's knowledge Of natural his
tory had been acquired mostly indoors,
and when in one of his earliest excuT
siOns to the outdoors he discovered Il
small box-tortoise he exultingly made
capture.
Mamma. mammap he cried, "lookee
here; rs found wooden bugp
Mr.. Virgins, being in frivolous mood
was giving a burlesque imitation OF
palmistry- pretending TO read his wife's
fortune in her palm. SiX-year-old Ruth
was listening with intense seriousness
but neither of them was noticing her.
"And, finally" he concluded, after the
usual recitaIs about dark man, light
man, a journey, and large fortune,
you will live to a great age"
Thank Godp' broke in Ruth, clapping
her hands ecstatically. "Then my child
rem will have a grandmother
"My affanced bride is in the hospital,
and I am the cause of it!' lamented the
prospective bridegroom. 'How is that?"
inquired his friend. "Well, you see, |
went to her house to ask her to be my
wife. She was up stairs at the time,
and when she appeared at the head of the
stairs, for fear I'd lose my nerve when
she got closer, called up, ''Deary, will
you marry me?'" "Well?" "she tumbled
all the way down stairs!'
Not long ago, friend Of mine who is
chicken fancier, lost one of his fine
hens just as she had Matched brood of
chickens. He tried to palm them off on
a foster mother but the hen refused to
adopt orphans. My friend next soaked
some kernels Of corn in whisky and fed
them to hen that had just begun to sit.
While she was drunk, he took away her
eggs and placed the chicks under her.
When she became sober she mothered
the brood without suspicion.
Capt. Pritchard Of the Mauretania re-
lates the following: Last summer" he
said, "there was young lady whom [
showed over the steerage. AS we were
making our tour the steerage people
were eating their dinner, and [ couldn't
help remarking the tremendous appetite
of red-haired man. said, Just look
at the amount of food that fellow con-
sumesr
81 suppose, captain,' said the Young
lady, that he is what you sailors cali
stowawayF" ;"
| A distinguished specialist in Washing
ton was called upon week or two ago
by an eminent government official for
treatment for a nervous ailment.
"The first thing you must do" said the
physician, after an examination, lis to
give up both smoking and drinking"
Whereupon the eminent official became
real peevish. Look here, DOCTOR" he
burst out, "now you're talking just like
my wifer'
An excited lady rushed to the teie-
phone and taking down the receiver
1
talk to my husband" What number.
please?" came the central. "How
many husbands do you think I've got,
you impudent thing?" shouted the irate
lady.
After they had settled the momentous
question the young man thought of his
,diminutiye salary and anxiously asked
But can we live on my IS a week?'
Sure" said the sweet young thing.
THAT will be three dollars for ice cream,
and five dollars for theater tickets; we'll
get along fine.'
An Illinois man is being sued for a
divorce. He set rat trap 10 his trous-
ers pocket when he went to bed, hung
the pantaloons on the bed-post, and