davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

What are you looking so sour about.
you oakum trimmed lobsterf She don't
kiss you You don't have TO sit on her
lap and listen to talk that would make
the book Of musical comedy sound
like the maxims OF Epictetus. You
ought TO be thankful you're not dog.
Brace mp. Benedick. and bid the blues
begone."
That matrimonial mish.p looked
down ut me with almost canine intel.
ligence In his face.
why. doggie." says be. good dog.
gle. You almost look like you could
speak. What Is II. doggie? Catsr'
Catsl Could speak!
But OF course he couldn't understand.
Humans were denied the speech OF ami
mails. The only common ground OF
communication upon which dogs aud
men can get together is In fiction.
In the nat across the hail from US
lived lady with n black and tan ter
rier. Her husband strung IL aud took
It out every evening. but he always
came homo cheerful and whlstilng.
Ono day touched noses with the
black and tan In the hall. and struck
him for an calculation.
See here. Wiggie and skip" says.
''you know that It amt the nature OF
a real man 10 play dry nurse 70 a dog
In public. I never saw one leasbed
TO a bowwow yet that didn't look like
he'd like to lick every other man that
looked at him. But your boss comes
In every day as perky and set up as
an amateur prestidigitator doing the
egg trick. How does he do it7 Don't
tell me he likes It."
'HimT says the black aud tan.
why, he uses natures own remedy
He gets spifiicated. At FIRST when we
go out he's rs shy as the man on the
steamer who would rather play pedro
when they make 'em all jackpots. BY
the time we've been In eight saloons
he don't care whether the thing on the
end OF his line Is a dog or n catfish.
I've lost two inches OF my tail trying
to sidestep those swinging doors"
The pointer I got from that terrier
vaudeville please copy-set me 60
thinking.
One evening about o o'clock my mis-
tress ordered him 20 get busy and do
the ozone act for Lovey. ! have con.
cealed It until now. but that Is what
she called me. The black and tan was
called Tweetness. ] consider that I
have the bulge on him as far as you
could chase a rabbit. Still Lovey Is
something OF a nomenclatural tin can
on the tail OF ones self respect.
At a quite place on safe street I
dghtened the line OF my custodian IN
front OF an attractive. refined saloon.
i made dead ahead scramble for the
doors, whining like dog IN the press
dispatches that let's the family know
that little Alice Is begged while gath
ering lilies In the brook.
why. darn my eyes," says the old
man, with a grin-"darn my eyes II
the saffron colored son OF a seltzer
lemonade ain't asking me In to take a
drink Lemme see, how longs It been
since I saved shoe leather by keeping
one foot on the foot rest7 believe
mp
knew had him. Hot Scotches he
took, sitting at q table. For an hour
he kept the Campbeils coming. sat
by his side rapping for the waiter
with my tail and eating free lunch
such as mamma In her nat never
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
rh. My,,.rlsu, pi.p,,eh.

The Mystsrisus Dispatch.
The club conversation turned to the
Spanish-American war. One member
OF the party noted for his boasts OF
being n man OF the world began:
IT tell you. boys. one OF the stran-
gest Incidents OF the war. ono which
never became public. was mysterious
dispatch given 90 secret agent OF the
Spanish government TO carry TO the
head or the spanish spy system IN the
United States and which came under
my observation"
Everybody leaned forward to hear
the expose OF the diplomatic secret
Continuing. the globe trotter said:
This agent. who boarded the same
steamer on which I had taken passage
home, could not read the dispatch be-
cause IL was IN French. He was afraid
Il was some sort OF frame up on the
part OF higher unfriendly official 10
get him In bad with his other supe-
riors at home.
"we became chummy. aud owing TO
my fiuency In speaking Spanish cas-
ny passed for Spaniard. When he
learned that i also knew French he
mentioned the dispatch and suggested
that translate II for him. was more
than willing TO learn something that
might be OF advantage 10 my Uncle
Samuel and assented. He drew the
precious paper from his breast and
handed Il toward me when
At this point every listener was on
the edge OF his chair with bulging
eyes.
suddenly a gust OF wind swept the
deck and blew the paper from his hand
into the sea-" concluded the narrator.
with smile
As the smile grew into hearty
laugh the others knew they had been
stung. Times.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
How to Roa., n Small pio.

Lny nicely dressed pig In tub OF
cold water all night. In the morning
change the water and let Il remain
until IL IL time TO roast it. Then wipe
it dry, rub the inside well with sage,
cayenne and salt mixed and stun IL
with dressing made OF breadcrumbs,
salt pork chopped fine, pepper. salt,
sweet morJoram and an egg. IL should
be roasted on n spit before the fire;
but, lacking convenience for this mode,
the pig must be placed (the feet turned
under) on rack I'm the dripping pan
with some water I'm which arc some
sprigs of sage and marJoram tied I'm
muslin. Keep Il well floured until
half done; then take IL out, wipe or
tho -four, return it TO the oven and
bnste well with butter repeating this
several times until the pig Is roasted
Serve on large platter with a potato
or small ear OF unhusked green corn
In It's mouth. The herbs may be taken
from the dripping pan. the gravy
thickened with -four and seasoned TO
taste with pepper and salt Then
serve I'm n boat. Allow three hours for
roasting.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
In the Prime Of LIE.

The kiugwood Argus celebrated its
thirtY-cighth birthday with issue SO. j Of
Volume 3o last week Tho Argus is iu
tho prime of liie and is just Of the age TO
do boz best work. Editor Mohrtcn has
been in charge for three years. lie found
the paper a vigorous Democratic weekly
in strong Republican county when he
succeeded sidcll Brown, and he has al
lowed o 60 lose none Of its old-time vieor
and spirit. The Argus is one Of the best
weekies iu the state, and the New Do
miui0n wishes for Il many moro wears ~
active service In the Democratic ranks -
Morgautown Dominion.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
How to Lacquer Brass s.d.+.sd..


valuable suggestion was given by
dealer concerning the keeping of brass
bedsteads and all brass fixtures I'm as
beautiful condition as when new. 1t
Is n trade secret and is used by all
who deal I'm brass fittings. Nearly all
brasswork when sent out is lacquercd
to prevent corrosion and to avoid the
labor OF frequent polishing This lac
quer is gum shellac dissolved in nlco-
hol. This makes thin varnlsh, which
Is applied with a small brush. Ten
cents worth OF shellac made thin with
the alcohol Will lacquer your bed, and
an ordinary workman can do the work
In an hour, and your bed will look as
good ms It would II sent to the factory,
which would cost several dollars.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
EUROPEAN TOWN PLANNING.
There 10 an Increasing pistributior
OF Parks and Plsyurourds.

lt has taken SO much space 60 give
any idea OF the scope OF town plan
ming in Europe that very iittic can bc
said about its physical results. In the
newer quarters there IN TO been seen,
first reasonably good provision OF
main thoroughfarcs well planned and
well equipped. The tendency appears
TO be to plan these TO flt more closely
10 the topography and the trafIic re-
Quirements aud less with view TO
producing any particular preconccived
type OF architectural effect than for
mcrly. An instance OF the better re-
gard for traffic requirements Is the
avoidance, 40 far as possible. OF con-
ccntrating several lines OF traflc upon
single point OF intersection, MS IN tho
ronds points characteristic OF the ear
iior French plans and In tho informal
knots" OF streets often found In cities
OF accidental growth.
Second, there ~ an increasingly lib
cral ana equitable distribution OF small
parks and Fairgrounds as well as nu-
merous small intersecting squares and
minor enlargements OF tho streets no
arranged as not TO interfere with the
free movement OF traffic. These are
replacing tho familiar but highly In
convenient and Illogical circle or
square 80 placed ut the intersection Of
two or more important avenues az Ia
block them ana require a sharp de.
tour. Washington is fun OF tho latter.
and somo OF them are charming 60
look upon, but the art OF town plan
ming has reached a point where &c de-
mands In new plans a better ADJUST
ment OF tho type OF beauty TO practi-
cal function.
wish 10 point out that although
we have an immense amount 10 loarn
from Europe ana especially from Ger
many I'm regard TO town planning, &C
would be very foolish for us 20 copy
bllndly what has been done there.
Apart from tho differences IN climatic,
economic, social and political condi-
tions between European countries and
America, thero is need for some eau
tion lest we copy the mistakes.
Tho Germans recognized fifteen
years ago that they hnd made mis-
takes In town planning. They have
made other mistakes since. They arc
probably making mistakes now, but
they aro watching the results, and
when they recognize mistake they
try to correct It. Hero I'm America we
seem to 60 on compiaoentiy perpetu-
ating our old mistakes long after we
have recognized them, preparing over
again I'm our suburbs without material
variation the samo conditions that
have given rise 70 results we deplore
In the older parts OF our towns.
How TO change this helpless fatallsm
in our attitude toward the more funda-
mental factors OF town growth Is what
we most need TO learn.--F. j.. Olmsted
I'm Survey.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
How TO open SUGAR Raos E.,iIv

Place the bag OF sugar In front OF
you right side up. with the chain stitch
at tho left. with n pair of scissors
cut one stitch on the plain side. Now
take one end from the front, between
the thumb and finger of the right hand,
and one end on the back. between the
thumb and finger Of the left hand.
Pull on them at the same time and the
entire length will come out. If you
wish the bag for any other use turn
wrong side out and remove all the
stitching the same way. BE sure and
have the chain stitch at the left.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
THE uNnEsrruL K1MoNo.

clothes before breakfast and 20
through all the funny business OF n
reception toilet. l don't mean that
not by whole heap. That would bo
no more right than for BIN TO go down
TO work In n full dress suit. There's
time for all things. as Shakespeare
or Solomon remarked some time back,
but don't know OF any proper time,
honey, for dissoluto kimonos, united
shoes and unkempt hair. These wrap.
per things the women have got to
wearin' nowadays ought TO bo prohlb-
tied by law, IL that would do any good.
They were designed, reckon, for tho
hours OF luxurious ease and for loung-
In around In boudoir. Maybe they
amt so bad. But they wasn't cut out
for workin' garbs. They're as much
out OF place In the kitchen as vel
vet gown. Yet it's got so that half
the women In this country fail out OF
bed every mornin' into more or less
soiled and bedraggled kimonos.
think I'd be willin' TO see n war with
Japan just TO get even with her for
this kimono habit. It's n lazy dress,
and 1 tell you. honey, It's downright
demoralizin'-thats what II is. It's
so easy to get on It makes n woman
careless about everything else. In
stead Of bein' neat and trim as she
ought TO be In the mornin'. whether
shes doin' her work or overseeln' IT,
she gets TO lookin' dowdy and slouchy
You can't help II, little girl; It's the
influence Of the garb. And I'd be will.
In 20 bet a horse against second
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
MEMOIRS OF A
! YELLOW DOG.
Secrets Of Flat Life Divulged by
a Canine of Low Degree.
BY o. HENRY.

fcopyriEht. 1906. by Mcclure. Phillips a
Col
don't suppose 1t VIII knock any OF
you people on your perch TO read
contribution from an animal. Mr.. Kip
ling and a good many others have dem
onstrated the fact that animals can
express themselves In remunerative
English. and no magazine goes to press
nowadays without an animal story In
Il except the old style monthlies that
are stfll running pictures OF Bryan and
tho Mont Peiee horror
But you needn't look for any stuck
up literature In my piece. such as
Bearoo the bear and Suakoo the
snake and Tammanoo the tiger talk
In the jungle books. A yellow dog
that's spent most OF his life In cheap
New York fiat, sleeping I'm n corner on
an old satin underskirt Uhe one she
spilled port wine on at the lady long
shoremen's banqueu. mustn't be ex-
pected to perform any tricks with the
art OF speech.
was born n yellow pup: date, To-
cality. pedigree aud weight unknown.
The first thing i can recollect an old
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
How to Mako charoonl rahl.,,.

Some charcoal tablets that may be
made nt home TO sweeten the breath
are composed OF half an ounce OF will
low charcoal, half an ounce OF saccha-
rlne and an ounce and n half OF un-
sweetened chocolate and a quarter OF
a dram OF powdered vanilla. These are
mixed and made into n paste with
pure gum arabic mucilage. The mix
turc then is broken into bits and left
10 dry.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

don't notice the difference you're badly
mistaken. my dear. Maybe he don't
make eyes at the typewriter girl, may.
be his love is so strong It don't affect
bis feelings the least bit, but all the
same he notices II. And / wouldn't
take the risk, honey. But-my, N.Y.
the colonel was looking at his watch
Il can't stay here all day preachln' TO
you. I've got TO get down TO the Office.
So goodby, little girl. and-say, I'll be
over this evenln' TO see how Won looI, -
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
How 70 Fireproof Psper.

TO make paper 1reproof whether
written, printed, painted or stamped
as for hangings. dip It In strong alum
water-a saturated solution-and dry
thoroughly. Test after the FIRST dip
ping. II It burns, dip and dry again.
Neither color nor quality will be I'm the
least affected; on the contrary, rather
improved Title deeds and insurance
policies can be preserved this way.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

APPEARANCES COUNT "pm afraid I
FOR WHOLE LOT have. mann. Rut
what is one to dor 1t takes time for
n woman to dress. have TO get break
fast for VIII. i can't cook or attend
to any houseworh in my nice clothes,
and even II l could it would take me
30 long to put them on he'd be late
TO the office. You know I'm without
q servant Just now, but II i had one
I don't see how l could dress for
breakfast. Besides. papa, oil women
go the same way I'm the morning"
"Yes. honey, know the argument,
but have you ever had your photo
graph taken in that mornin' costume 2"
"Why, no, papa. OF course not"
And II you had" went on the colo
mel. would you want Bill to put It I'm
a silver frame and SIT It up on his
desk where he could see It all dayf"
'The very ideal I'd like TO catch
him making a show of me that way"
"Well, little girl, that's about what
he does in fact He carries n photo
graph OF you all the time. 1t isn't on
his desk, where other people can see
It. It's fixed In n golden frame I'm
his mind, and every once I'm awhile
through the day II slips around in
front OF his minds eyes, and he takes
a long look at II. II isn't always the
same picture he sees. Most OF the
time It's you as you would like TO be
seen, fixed up your prettiest, but some
times it's you as he saw you last, as
you looked when he left you in the
mornin'. You know, dearle. you're
mighty apt TO remember a person by
the appearance ut partln'. and the
oftener Bill carries away with him a
vision OF breakfast time dowdiness
the oftener it's goin' 20 pop into his
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
pr.sslna the Window.


DolicatesBen goods lend themselves
with greater facility to window dis
play than do groceries, as a rule. They
tempt the appetite. Compare tho APP
petlzing appearances OF n bag OF coffee
and bowl of salad, OF a chest OF ten
and fine piece OF smoked salmon, OF
n can OF tomatoes and dish OF
smoked sausages, of n pyramid OF
breakfast cereals In cartons and n
bowl OF small meat pies, and our
meaning becomes clear. The closer the
grocer comes to the delicatessen win
dow by the display of pickles and
preserves IN glass, dried fruit in
dishes and smoked fish In baskets or
plates the closer he will come to the
solution Of the problem OF how to
mako his windows appeal TO the appe-
tite. Crackers should DO more often
seen In grocery windows, and coffee
and tea I'm bulk should be less often
seen there. It does not pay TO trust
too much TO the public's imagination,
as Is done when n geometricaI design
Is worked out I'm tin cans or cardboard
cartons. Similarly a series of taper
Ing pyramids Of starch packages, even
though of the edible kind, Is putting
strain upon the consumers imagina-
tion which his interest In the display
Will not warrant unless a specially
low price ticket IS attached. There is
not that intimate appeal TO the appo.
tite that is found I'm the appearance OF
the food itself I'm a condition ready
for the table. Every man and woman
responds In somo measure TO tho ap-
peal to the appetite, for in every man
and woman there IS, though not al
ways In the same degree, the capacity
OF appreciation OF appetizing food. To
put IL briefly, there 70 a gourmet hid
den In every onsumer.--Merchants'
Review.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

When a splinter has been driven
deep into the hand it can DO extracted
without pain by steam. Nearly Gil a
wide mouthed bottle with hot water,
place the injured part over the mouth
OF the bottle and press tightly. The
suction VIII draw the flesh down, and
In minute or two the steam Will ex-
tricote the splinter and the infamma
tion viii disappear.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

An insurance company has found
that many towns and villages IN a
southern state are paying double rates
Tor Insurance because they are without
adequate equipment for fighting fire.
The extra cost I'm almost every instance
would purchase the needed OUTFIT and
far more. It Is no wonder that some
towns stand still and it's merchants
fall asleep on their counters.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

MIR jars IN which the milk has
soured can be most quickly cleaned by
putting first under the cold water
spigot, then filling with hot water IN
which has been dissolved "a liberal
amount Of washing soda
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
N.-The Disillusionment
Of Matrimony.

~ N his way downtown the other
morning Colonel Sneed stop
ped at his daughters house to
deliver a lemon pie recipe In
trusted to him with some misgivings
by Mrs. Sneed. The front door was
ajnr. and, assuming the prerogative OF
n father. he entered without ringing
the bell.
Young Mrs. Rollins was not expect
Ing visitor at that hour. Her attire
was decidedly negligee. She had evil
IDENTITY slipped into the first thing that
came handy when she arose and had
deferred until n later and more con-
venient season most OF the essentials
OF a womnn's toilet IL Is unncces-
sary to go into details.
Good mornin'. honey" said the
colonel rs he bent down for the af-
fectionate salutntion. and then ns his
eye took I'm her deficiencies he ex-
claimed:
"why, child. what's the mntter7
Not sick. nre your"
"oh. no. papa" replied his daughter,
with laugh. I'm all right. But
you shouldn't call on lady so early,
daddy. dear. ! haven't dressed yet"
'Uh. huh: I see" he assented. Makes
an almighty lot OF difference. don't
itl Never caught you lookln' that way
before you was married. Does-does
Willlam-was You wearin' that garb,
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

until howled and said:
you common. monkey headed. rat
tailed. sulphur colored son or a door.
mat. do you know what I'm going TO
call your
/ thought OF Lovey. and I whined
dolefully.
"rm going 20 call you Pete" says
my master. and II I'd had ave tails
couldn't have done enough wagging
60 do Justice to the occasion.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

hand burro." and
here the colonel
pounded on tho
arm OF his chair
W ! t h his fist,
that X I'm on os
have had n good
deal to do with
what they call
the matrimonial
unrest A man
goes or down
town leavin' his
wife lookin' like
she'd just escap-
ed from a nro
sale, an the FIRST
thing he puts his
eyes on at his Of
fee IS n stenogra-
pher I'm n clean
shirt waist. II
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

Among the medicines that are recon
mended andtendorsed by physicians and
nurses Is Kenp's Balsam, the best cure.
For many years Il has been regarded by doc.
TOTS as the medicine most likely 20 cure
coughs and u has a strong hold on the es-
TEEN OF all wellinformed people When
kemp.s Balsam cannot cure a cough we
shaH be at loss 20 know what will AZ
druggists and dealers. age.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

honey, when he
left you this
mornin'T
"Why. ofcoursc.
pa. ! can't
d + @ 8 s b for e
breakfast like I
was going TO a
bali, can ~ l
have TO do all
my house W Ork,
and
Yes, l know"
interrupted tn G
colonel. but
but have you got
the habit of goin'
arc und lik g
thatT
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

Shake on the grip OF YOUR old enemy nasal
catarfh. by using Ely's Cream Balm. rhen
will an the swelling and soreness be driven
eui Of The tender, nnhsmed membranes The
sis OF sneezing will cease and the discharge.
as offensive TO others as 60 yourself. will be
stopped when the causes that produce Ia are
removed. Cleanliness. comiort and renewed
health by the use Of Cream Balm Sold by
ah druggists Tor soc or mailed by Ely Bros
50 warren street. New York
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

If you use printed matter Of any kind
we can be Of service to you IN getting Il
out. We have the knowledge and facih-
ties necessary for producing GOOD print
ing and shall be glad % exert them on
your orders.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

1t D. worth the poultry raiser's while to
remember that an earth Aoor is unhealth.
iui when the location Is naturally wet
and not wcll drained. With this kind Of
location it viii pay 70 put IN board floor
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
By CASPER S. YosI
'or OF rhs r1skinF 81 o Successful Husband" ana
"Ths rf.kfns OF N suee...o,, vy,,.-

to do with kecpin' man rs they have
with gettin' him. and tho mornin' mp.
pearance has more influence than the
eyenin', for II stays longer: II goes
downtown and spends the day with
him.
: "Now. I'm not sayln'. my dear, that
d woman ought 10 rig up I'm her best
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04
Pull Toaothnr.

Give the town and &C. enterprise your
undivided support Get in tbc harness
and pull together and wc con make u inqs
90. a town with it- citzeus pulling Boo
different directions win nc,orbc anything
more than q wide place in the road. Ii
your ncighbor suggests something f9r the
good Of the town, don't get up and fght
against IL just bccausc you didn't suggest
the idea first a few old sorchcads like
that will KIN any town on Garth
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

Br. falrncy Icctbing Syrup conforms
70 the Pure Food and Drug law every
botIe guaranteed. Sample free.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

Twenty-Five good envelopes for 5 cents
At this Office.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

Blank deeds for sale at dis Office.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

\ N his way downtown the other
morning Colonel Sneed stop
ped at hls daughters house to
deliver n lemon pie recipe IN