Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-07-09

dohSu Inc DOSS. i got SIX months OH
for good behavior" answered the job
seeker.
Codling-Why did you speak to that
old twamp, dear boy? Softy-Why
shouldn't l, old chappie? He isn't in
twade, and he doesn't work for liv-
ing.
oh, dearl" sighed the heiress. Il
wish | knew whether the duke is going
to propose to me-" Well, rejoined the
penniless beauty, why don't you cable
his solicitors?'
THAT was bad break DR.. Green
made" What was lt?" HE advised
our travelling man to give up work for
awhile and travel for his health. -
Detroit Free Press.
Mary wonder why swells wear an
eyeglass? Jane-Why, to block up one
eye, so that they shall see just as much
as they can understand at a time
Christian Endeavor World
Your tickets were complimentary,
were they not?" Well" replied the
man who had seen a painfully amateur
entertainment, Il though they were
until l saw the show. "-Tit-Bits
How did you contrive to cultivate
such a beautiful black eye?" asked
Brown. OH replied Fogg, who had
been practicing upon roller skates, Il
raised it from a slip."-United Pres
byterian
Your hair wants cutting badly, sir"
said a barber to a customer. mo,
it doesn't" replied the man in the
chair; 1T wants cutting nicely You
cut it badly last time. democratic
Telegram
Mrs. Stubb-John, they say that one
half of the world don't know how the
other half lives. l wonder which half
knows. Mr.. Stubb-Why, the feminine
half, Maria. If they don't know they'll
soon find out.
"Wot's yourn?' asked the waiter of
quicklunch patron. "Doughnuts and
coffee" was the re ply. And the wait
er sent in the order to the cook by
wireless One in the dark an two
rubber tires"
"Algy, dear" remarked young wife
to her husband. Il wish you would
taste this milk and see If it is perfect
ly sweet. If it's the least bit sour
mustn't give any of it to dear little
Judy.
81 understand your husband is some
thing of an after-dinner speaker"
Yes" answered Mrs. Torkins, what
Charley is liable to say after dinner is
the reason we can't keep a cook. =
Washington Star.
Pearl-Jack is the biggest goose |
ever saw in my life. Ruby-What now,
dear? Pearl-Why, my chaperon lost
her glasses last night when we were
making love and he actually helped to
find them for her.
Isn't it a shame to keep those poor
lions Gagged" Lady" answered the
keeper at the zoo, they're much hap
pier and safer there than they would
be roaming the African jungles. -
Washington Star.
Mrs. Peck (contemptuously)- What
are you, anyhow, man or mouse!
Mr.. Peck (bitterly)- man, my dear;
If | were only a mouse, I'd have you
up on the table yelling for dear life
right now!-Life.
ut Is the duty of every man and
woman to be married at the age of
%" said the lecturer We'll, said
woman of 80, with some asperity, you
needn't tell me that. Talk to the man.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Teacher-Jonnny, what is the mean
ing of the word "procrastinate' Pu-
pil-To put off. Teacher-Right. Use
II in an original sentence. Pupil-The
brakeman procrastinated the tramp
from the train.-Cleveland Leader,
What! Going, Braun? Oh, while
you're here at the club stay little
longer. Impossible, my dear fellow.
But will leave my coat and umbrella
here, and perhaps my wife will send
me back to fetch them. "-Meggendor-
fer Blaetter.
Pretty Girl-And you really consid-
err it bad luck to go under ladder?
Horrid BacheloT-Sure. l knew a
fellow who kissed a girl under ladder
last summer. Pretty Girl-ARd did he
have bad luck? Horrid Bachelor
should say so. They are married now.
What do you want?" asked the lady
Of the house of the tramp. "Suthin'
ter eat" Il haven't anything in the
house except some bread and timed
beef. Do you want some of that?"
No" he said sadly. I'D better move
on. 1t nd be a pity ter waste such
fine appetite on sech poor victuals."
These Turks are barbarous people,"
remarked the housewife, as she got
out a rhubarb pie. Yes, num-" re-
sponded Sandy Pixies, with low bow.
To show my antipathy for dem have
formed a boycott" "A boycott, my
poor MANI" Yes, mum; have prom
ised meself never to use a Turkish