Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1909-07-27
A Bureau of Good Manners

George Fitch In an article in the
August American Magazine, which he
calls. "a Plea for the Conservation of
Another National Resource" has a
very good suggestion to make as 60
how the enormous energy represented
today by the thousands of aspiring
young pugilists in this country, who
are each one hoping to become a
champion, can be utilized to the pub
lie veal. He writes:
Let each pug be appointed a Deputy
corrector of good manners, be given
credentials and a district and be set
to work making the nation polite.
Let us follow for a few brief en-
counters the imaginary trail of one of
these rebuilt prize fighters. He arises
early and takes a crowded car down.
town in any city. He is snarled at by
the conductor on climbing the steps
and is punched on the back as he en-
tiers the car and told to move forward
lively there When the nickel extrac-
tor brushes his way thru the car US
ing the floor to step on only when the
supply of feet runs out, he steps on
the toes of the deputy corrector of bad
manners.
yOu SleppeQ OH my
foot that official protests, mildly.
LAW, g'wan,' answers the conduct
or, showing two pounds of under jaw.
don't you git gay in this car
"'But conductor the deputy persists,
you stepped on my foot There was
no need of it. You should be more
care
"'Sa-ay you,' the conductor will
breathe in the usual CORY tones, shut
up or off you go. l don't allow any
Conductor insists the deputy
firmly, you will have to apologize
Your manners are disgusting. You are
not fit to move among humans
"'You will start something, will
you?' roars the conductor. We'll, take
that, you
But the Deputy doesn't take it. He
| counters and puts his left under the
conductors ear, very carefully in order
not to annoy the passengers. When
the conductor wakes up he finds the
meek passenger being cheered by the
passengers. He feels shaken and sick.
He is told that he is disgrace to the
company which hires him, the people
who ride with him and the earth which
| he encumbers. He is made to apollo
gize.
| The deputy enters in his report book
the following note:
May 11th, $3.50 a. m. Flatbush car.
Conductor No. 3S7, bully and pro-
fame. Counter and left to jaw. Time
| 2 seconds. Gave him talk No. in
Schedule 16. Witnesses Simon Karano-
| witcki, Patrick o. Donohoe, Moses
Arons Expenses, 5 cents carfare.'
Thus the deputy corrector would
pass the busy and exhilarating day. He
would lecture loud eaters in public
places. He would point out with well
learned sarcasm the swinishness OF
splitting on the sidewalk. He would
discourage theater treasurers, rude rail-
road officials and insolent walters. not
necessarily with. his fists, but with his
calm and menacing presence and, his
brutally. frank remarks. He would4i i'm
press upon the predatory haekman the
folly ofstrying to collect excess fares
by brute force. He would teach loud
mouthed rowdies' at might that he who
lifts his fists unjustly will go down
In time behind q harder bunch OF fin
gers with more horse power behind
them. As, for the aluspeakable parody
on mankind who annoys unprotected
'seu'a1es sNhat xrea end solemn truths