The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-03-07
Didn t Fit His Case.

| DlQu IL Ills case.
/ There is a certain member of the
Duquesne Club who heartily detests to
be approached by stranger. Recent
| ly he had occasion to take a Centre
avenue car and found seat in close
| proximity to one of those lanky. sad
| faced men who seem to be unable to
| resist talking to their fellow passen-
gers The club member had opened
his paper and was making himself as
| comfortable as possible in the cold car
| when his neighbor opened up.
"Say," queried the lanky one, twill
you allow your son to smoke stogies
when he grows up9"
Really, l never have given the
question a moment s thought was
the reply.
The other just gasped.
f.And, he continued in a faint
voice, 'swill you allow him to drink
liquor?''
Once more the club member an
nounced that he had not thought of
the question.
"Terrible, TERRIBLE gasped the
lanky individual, :'to think that such
persons as you are allowed to existi''
Then the club member became real
wrathy.
s.Look here, my kind friend,', he
announced. No doubt you mean well,
but just let me tell you that I have
been a confirmed bachelor for the last
| thirty-fve years. The lanky in
dividual subsidized He had something
to think about.-Pittsburg Gazette.
Gatess Games.
This story is being told of John w.
Gates: His varied financial interests
had called him to a Texas city and
the news of his arrival was bruited
long before the event.
The good livers of the city assem-
| bled in order to inaugurate a poker
game. After much energy and discus
sion a fund of $4,000 was gathered
| The plan was to invite Gates into the
game. The Texans felt that they had
very large, not to say an appalling,
| capital. a committee waited upon the
| fnancier to inform him that such a
game was in progress and that they
were ready for him.
Gentlemen said he, I" / have no
time
1t was urged with great eloquence
| that treasury of $4,000 was in per-
| feet readiness. Again Gates refused
and again the urging was resumed.
| Finally Gates lost patience. He pro
dueed a quarter. Gentlemen, - he
said, "Ill toss you for the $4,000. -.
The committee melted away.-Phila-
delphia Record.
The Canny Scot.
Scotsman are noted for their canni-
ness, and story told by Lancashire
| commercial traveller, who was up in
Aberdeen few days ago, shows that
the men beyond the Tweed are still
worthily upholding their reputation.
The traveller in question was asked by
d prospective buyer to subscribe to
the prize fund for the local golf tour
nament.
He parted with Eve shillings, and as
he was interested in golf he remarked
that he would like to be kept Informed
of the progress of the tournament so
that he could look out for the result
"Oh, y said the customer, as he pick
ed mp the FIVE shillings and placed it
securely in his pocket, eye medina dae
that The tournament was held last
Saturday, This was rather stag
gerer for the latest contributor to the
prize fund, but he retained curiosity
enough to inquire who had proved the
happy winner.
The guileless solicitor for subscrip-
tions was quite undaunted, however.
"The winners'' he said coyly. ."Oh,
Just masei. Tit Bits.
why Golfer Cried 'sFore!''
Sir Harry Johnston, the. African ex
plorer, praised in Washington the in
Vulnerable and superb American golf
courses.
81 never saw anything like it, said
he, land / have but one fault to find.
You permit too many persons to prom
enade your links as though they were
public parks. That is very annoying
and also very dangerous.
..These promenaders are often ex-
tren,ely ignorant of golf. It was here
in Washington, believe, that a player
overheard two of them conversing