Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-05-21
For An Idle Moment

There were some deficiencies in the
early education of Mrs. DOnahOe, but she
never mentioned them or admitted their
existence. "Will you sign your name
here?" said the young lawyer whom Mrs.
DOnahOe had asked 10 daw up a deed
transferring a parcel of land to her
daughter.
"You sign il yoursilf an I'll make me
mark" said the old woman, quickly.
Since me eyes gave out, I'm not able to
write wurrd young man.
"How do you spell it?" he asked. pen
poised above the proper space
Spell it whativer way you Place" said
Mrs. Donahoe, recklessly. "Since lost
me teeth, there's not a wurrd in the
wurrld [ can SPELL"
Once when Thomas B. Reed was with
the late Senator WOlcOtt, of Colorado,
and Joseph ChOate, Mr. ChOate, when
asked to take drink said that he never
drank, never smoked to excess, and never
gambIPd in his life. Wolcott, who was a
sinner i'll every one of these lines. looked
pathetically at Reed and said: Il wish /
could say that" "Say it," said Reed;
"ChOate did,
An Irish tenant who had just bought
under the purchase act bOasted to the
agent that his landlord was now Good
Almighty" and that they need fear moth
ing. Don't you be too sure, Pat" was
the reply. Remember, God Almighty
evicted his first two tenants"
A Boston painter who died not long
ago was a brOken-doWn wreck in his
later days. Some feeling of pride and
shame chung to him to the last, however.
and, although he lived upon the charity
of his friends, he never asked for money
outright. IN the crown of his hat he
pasted this request: "Please lend me
quarter" printed in big, staring letters.
When making a call he would dOff hat
with much show of dignity, and there
would be the mute appeal staring in the
face of his intended victim. The scheme
never failed.
In the lobby of a Washington hotel
the following story was told about Ad
miral Evans caustic wit, says Judge.
1t was said to have happened on the Oc
casiOn of his visit to the capital.
As the Admiral was leaving an enter
tainment in which the younger set pre-
dominated, he CHANGED to PICK up from
the floor very dainty handkerchief. He
was gravely inspecting this ''trifie light
as air, when rather effeminate looking
young man hastened forward to claim 1t.
Your sisters no dOubt?" said the Ad-
mirql, as he handed it over.
ooh, no. said the young man. TITS
NINE"
Fighting Bob looked the young man
over. Then he asked, would you mind
telling me what size hairpins you use?"
An Episcopal minister, who had but
recently moved to a small town in the
Pennsylvania coal rOgiGns, passed two
youngsters on the street.
Good morning, father" said one of
them, misled by the clerical garb.
Don't you know nutt'n?" said the
other, cOntemptuOusly, when the minis
ter Was past. dat guy amt no father.
Why, he's married an got two kids!'
A small boy applied to large mer
chant for situation. The great man
sized him up carefully and asked him
what position he wanted: "a chance to
grow up!' he replied. We'll, what is
your motto? "What do you mean?"
why, on the door there, 'Pushp" He got
the job. Remember in America the door
of success is inscribed with the word
"Pushp' Pull doesn't help as much as
some people think it does.
A young Chicago drummer was taking
vacation with his uncle in the country
and was called upon to ask the blessing,
and not being accustomed to it he prompt
ly tackled the difficulty in the follow
ing words: eve acknowledge the re-
ceipt of your favor of this date, allow us
to extend our gratitude for this express
SIGN of good will. Trusting that our
house may merit your confidence and
have many orders from you this fail, we
are yours truly, amen" The old man
will say grace afterward.
A native-bOrn American member Of a
party of four business men who often
lunched together, took great delight in
joking the others on their foreign birth.
Its all very we'll for you fellows to
talk about what we need in this cOun-
try" he said, but when you come to
think of it, you're only intruders. Not
one of you was born here. You're well
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