Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-12-31


Sor, M matter where you turn" said the
81 know it," replied the matter OF fact
person. Il dislike germs as much as
auvb. DIV can. but I'm not going to quit
eating. drinking and breathing just to
spite 'em.
They were having testimonials at re-
yival meeting Said one: Il have been In
the harness for fifteen years." and paus-
ed. Eyes" added another, "and the Onl
part of the harness that's worn out now
is the hOld-back strap
Tommy, do you know why have kept
you in after SCHOOL,"
"Yes'm; you want to find out what was
in that note [ Slip ed to Kitty Jones. 1t
was to let her know she mustn't make
eyes at me any more, cause don't love
nobody but you, teacher"
'How old are you, my little bOy?" k
ed the conductor.
Five years old, sir was the eply.
"But you look much Older than that,
Every likely, sir. 1t runs in the fam
lily. You see, mother says she's only
twenty-eight, but she looks heap older
than that"
You say that YOU won your husband
through wearing a two dollar graduating
gown"
Il did"
"How romantic. I suppose you are
very happy"
"Oh, yes. But that two dollar gown
was an awful bad precedent to establish,
I've found"
Farmer Brown and Farmer Jones were
near neighbOrs. and many a dispute took
place as to who was the earlier riser.
Both maintained that each eXcelled the
other.
One day Farmer Brown determined to
put the subject to the test. kissing very
early one morning, about a. M, he pro-
ceeded to visit his friend. Great was his
establishment when he saw Mrs. Jones
hanging out the clothes in the garden.
| Farmer Jones about?" he asked.
well" replied the lady, she was the
| first part Of the marnin', but | dunno
where he be now"
4 dilapidatej specimen Of man stop
ped Kansas City merchant on the street
one morning and asked for a cash dOna-
ton. Mister" he said, in a Plaiptive
voice, Il hain't had any work to do for
more'n a month, an I'm powerful hard
up"
| Been out of work for month";" said
the merchant What is your occupa-
tion?"
Il work in the packing house when
can get anything TO do"
'Jn the killing Department."
NJ Sll III tlIO ChGblhS loohs
''Then You can tell me, perhaps, how
many teeth a COW has on her upper jaw.
"Why-er-nO, sir. [ never noticed"
That's too bad" said the merchant
putting his hand 10 his pocket. sThe
dime I'm going to give you would have
been dollar if you hadn't failed in your
examination"
Lloyd Jones, the English chancellor of
| the exehequer, campaigned Wales lately
and used American storytelling tactics
to Tighten up his serious arguments.
| A favOrite story concerned man who
served upon the jury in murder case
Before leaving home he instructed his
wife to get a salmon for supper, and to
make sure OF a coca meal, he told her TO
| fry One-half Of it and boil the other, Dur
| ing the trial he frequently refreshed
himself from out of black bottle and
when the jury retired he was asked in
his turn by the foreman, 'Well, Lloyd
JULIUS, "iidb iC "D ss'''A9 w %fE VIVA VIZ
prisoner"
! In thick. cultural voice came the re,
ply. boil one-half of him, and fry the
other. -
"Blow Christmas" said the first burg
| lar.
"Whafer?" asked his faithful friend
"Why, 'ayin' a job on and for Christ
mas eve, tried the old gag-dressed my
self up as Santa Claus, SOS II I was cop
ped could pretend as Id just dressed
meself up to amuse the "hildren.'
swell, what 'appened?"
| "Why, the room | broke into Was the
nursery, and the kids was all awake
| waitin' for Father Christmas. An they
went for me-t0ok every blessed thing
I'd got on me, even me blessed Whiskers.
/ I'd sooner be run ia than go through it
again."
Settled the Ouef.
Lord March, afte3'Bard the Marquis
of Queensberry. was i4ot accustomed
| to view a duel with uDhRtpniur an.