davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-03-13
THE LONDON THEATERGOER

xxKYO wonder the musical comedy sue
~ ceeds better than anything else
in london" said Detroit socialist. "At
the labor conference in Portsmouth
George Bernard Shaw explained 1t all to
me.
"Mr. Shaw said that the typical Lon
doner. the night he is going to the the
ater, takes q light dinner at fashion
able restaurant and drinks small bot
tie of champagne and liqueur with his
coffee. He isn't then, of course. In the
mood for anything serious-for an 1bsen
sermon or a Sudermann polemic. He
wants something light and gay to hold
him till the curtain falls, when he can
get a good stiff whisky and soda Some
thing light and gay, with a whisky and
soda at every curtain: and. to conclude
the night, supper at the Savoy. more
champagne and final liqueur.
I'm short. the Londoners idea of going
to the theater is really more refined
and decorous jag than anything else. and
the play enters into 1t only incidentally.
"Mr Shaw told me how. the first night
Of his last failure Getting Married.
friend said to him:
"'well, how was your comedy re-
ceived?
"Mr Shaw smiling cynically. replied:
"'There wasn't Q dry throat in the
house,"
Evening star., 1909-03-13

the caves and things In the morning
hours? Who wants Internal chirping
birds fooling around on the outside of the
house, anyhow Who gave them the
right to chirp? What license have they
got to cnirp? This thing ought to be
looked into. Birds have got no business
fizgigging around a city. anyhow. They
ought to be kept out in the woods. where
they belong. They make too much noise.
And they're noisome to look at, too. Peo
pie who like to watch birds are crazy
and ought to be In the bughouse. that's
what Birds. They ought to be chloro-
formed!
Ugly building. that Corcoran Gallery of
Art: usliest looking building on earth.
Dinky looking Nothing artistic about 1t.
Ought to be torn down II they can't do
any better than that. Nuisance. Eyesore.
What do they build such fool buildings
as that for anyhow?
That municipal building IL another bum
looking drum. Punk. Wonder who design
ed that ridiculous looking dump? Any
way, who wants marble buildings like
that on a business street like Pennsyl-
vania avenue? Lot Of gingerbread orna-
built Of brick. 1t was meant for people to
work In and transact the District busi-
ness In. wasn't It? Well. then, what did
they have to 60 and put up an imbecile
hossy looking shack like that for any
how? People that designed that building
ought to be sent to St. Elizabeth's.
Capitols a Joke. too. More you see OF
that building the more insignificant 1t be-
comes. All this nun about the Capitol
being majestic" and all like that is pure
bunk. It's great big pile o. rock.
that's all. and it's all out of plumb, be-
sides, and 1t doesn't fill the eye of any
body except Rubes and Zekes that come
here on their wedding tours. Dome's a
joke, that's what 1t II. It's big, of
Evening star., 1909-03-13
LOST HIS JOB ONE INAUGURATION DAY

run, so that none Of the flags Of nations
could be recognized, and how the aSphal-
tum streets were wet and punk underfoot.
and of how the leaden skies eXuded mois-
ture and of how the bitter, biting blasts
careered and whooped through the cheer
less streets of the Capital city, and how
the stands along the line of march were
couldn't stand the vile weather, and Of
how everybody on the Presidents review
ing stand looked sad and dreary and
gloomy, and of how IL was probable that
scores Of people would lose their lives
owing to the exposure they had to-or
were going to-endure; and all that sort
of dismal stuff. When I got through
that No. punk weather introduction and
read 1t over to correct the copy it looked
to me like the finest little argument in
the world why the date OF the inaugura-
the latter part Of April, and was proud
of II.
"Was proud Of both my introductions.
when It comes to that. They were both
fine, and the whole story was fne and
sat down, after finishing. secure In the. be
lief that il my managing editor wasn't
tickled something ridiculous over the way
I'd covered the Inauguration for him In
advance. why. he'd be a mighty dimcult
sort of a proposition to please.
''Well, I sent the Inauguration story
of stuff-by mail about five days before
the inauguration. The fair weather intro
ducton was, as I say, labeled No. and
the punk weather introduction was label
.'Weil. that numbering thing On tho tvs
introductions was the cause Of my down.
fall.
Evening star., 1909-03-13

the empire gown little farther from him
and studied it some more.
What bedinged hunbug! he snorted
some more. Woman that 'ud climb into
n dress-if you'd call II a dress-like that
must be crazy. If l had an eighty-seventh
female cousin who'd wear fool gunny-
sack like that I'd have her arrested and
held for the lunacy commission, or change
my name if she had the same name as
mine, or something. That's what would
All this. Of course, was by way or pre-
liminaries to drag Mrs. Jobson into the
situation And so. Mrs. Jobson had to
get into the situation.
What is il, my dear?" she asked In
her regular Mrs. Jobson tone.
well, just take peek. that's all, said
Mr. Jobson. passing the paper over to
ture Of the maniac woman In that near
dress that's all punched UP between her
shoulder blades. That's what gets my
goat Whatcha think Of that?"
why" replied Mrs. Jobson, glad to
seize an opportunity that she had been
wistfully waiting for. this Is model
empire gown, you know. It's perfectly
lovely. don't you think2 I've been per-
fectly mad for one for ever so long"
Mr.. Jobson bounced TO his feet and took
up loomful position confronting Mrs
Jobson. with his back to the brightly
burning latrobe.
Mrs Jobson. You're mad for one OF
those things?"
He niussed up his hair ominously with
both hands, while he glared at her. Mrs.
Jobson sat serene.
Yes" she replied Yes, indeedy.
Ever since they came out-those empire
gowns, I mean-I'ye been simply mad.
crazy. wild for one. really"
Mr.. Jobson looked so dazed. stupeied.
benumbed that it appeared for a feeting
instant as If he might fall backward on
TO rhe brightly burning latrobe-
"You-er-you say-I may have mis-
understood you'll hope l have misunder-
stood you-but you-did understand you
TO say that you-YOU. madam-were maj
crazy, wild for one of those-er-um-for
one OF those insane messes of togs that
You call empire gowns?'
Mr. Jobson's voice was very hoarse, in
deed as he submitted this fateful Ques-
ton.
Yes" replied Mrs. Jobson with the
greatest imaginable placidity. I've just
been dying for an empire gown. II
fairly makes my mouth water to look al
an empire gown in a shop window OF
even to see a picture OF one like this.
and she gazed with rapture at the picture
of the empire gown in the Stah-pape.
Mr.. Jobson resumed his seat. Plainly
he was too weak to stand up Obviously
his pins were giving way beneath him
his hand dazedIy in front of his face four
or five times, and then he slowly turned
his head and regarded Mrs Jobson bale.
fully
Say, look a-here." said he. Regard
Evening star., 1909-03-13

Aren't those pansies in Lafayette Square
disgusting? Pansies? Who cares for pan
sies? They're silly. that's what they are.
They ought to be removed. The District
authorities have no right to affront the
eye Of folks with the spectacle OF pansies.
Durn pansies!
Aren't these robin redbreasts that are
alighting on the greenswards Of the parks
these days and listening for wums-aren't
they perfectly devilish? What's the good
Of robin redbreasts. anyhow? Who wants
'em2 Who ever asked for 'em? Who
ever invented 'em, anyhow And who
brought 'em around here? They're
nuisances. hopping around on their fool
spindly feet. Their red breasts are ugly.
They're ridiculous. They ought to be
shot. Let's shoot 'em. Let's ask Congress
to pass a special law permitting us to
shoot all of the robin redbreasts found
skipping around on the park grass. Hang
robin redbreasts!
And the Sparrows-say, can't something
be done about these birds chirping around
Evening star., 1909-03-13

Don't see him much. but 'taint hts fault
you know how boys are:
Ia visit him. 'cept that he says The
city's awful far"
'Taint natural he should recohect now
close We used to be,
When he was just a little chap and
climbed up on my knee.
And snuggied 'gainst my old blue shirt
and said. when I am big.
Why, daddy. you won't have TO hoe ana
plow and SOW and dig,
But Just can sit here on the porch. as X
your work was through,
Cause. daddy, when I'm big ana strong
I'll do your work for YOU"
And he don't know that when he grew
and finished out his school
put a mortgage on the place-folks SAID
l was fool
And sent him east to college. Lord-how
lonesome 1t did seem:
Those memories Of his childhood were
just like a happy dream.
Well, he's working now and married ana
he's been back once since then;
He didn't stay long. nuther. and he 5
never come again;
Nor nothin' seemed to inrust him, Tor all
the time he's here,
Though the wheat was In the yellow ana
the corn WAS in the ear.
And he said somethin bout my clothes
but that was just the least
And told me of the rich men that ne
met back in the east
Well, then he went away again, thout
kissin' me goodbye,
And l came home and-and-oh shucks,
q man he just can't cry.
But nowadays l don't care much; guess
I'm gettin' old.
The sun don't shine the way it did: the
world seems sort OF cold
And after all my work Is done, I sit here
by the fire.
And evenin's now I sort OF dream and
never seem to tire
OF 'maginin' that I'm young again and
thinking that I see
That little chap as used to come and
climb up on my knee
To snuggle 'gainst my old blue shirt and
say, When I am big.
Why. daddy. you won't have to hoe and
plow and sow and dig,
But just can sit here on the porch as X
your work was through
Cause. daddy, when I'm big and strong,
I'll do your work for you"
Evening star., 1909-03-13

ing a neighbor on Pennsylvania avenue.
might suggest the same thing. But back
yonder the lions were fed on live Chris
tians, and now they are fed on dead
cow That's the difference. The form
is the same. but the substance has
changed.
Some of our amuSements are not what
they should be. Many of them [ take
1t, are throw-backS, century sk1pS. IN
explicable "reminiscences. But we are
getting there. Every now and then
rung on the ladder turns or breaks and
we get jolt. And we think We have
fallen about a mile and half. But its
not So And we go on climbing. hope
fully faithfully, enthusiastically. knowing
that the top rung is not for us. that 1t
is a far distance dim ahead, but belieN-
ing with all the faith that is In us that
it will be reached some day.
Whenever national retrogressfon-if ever
there should be such a thing-should de-
velop 'twould be indicated by the amuse-
ments of the people as much as any
thing else.
Even then everything would not be lost:
the case would not be hopeless. / ven
ture to say that in the crisis another
Old Noll would step to the front 10
sweep away the fraud and trumpery and.
laying US over his stalwart knee, spank
US with his hard, clean hand.
NEVER had advantages when was
a CROWN Kid:
My folks was good to me, Of course, but
'twasn't much they did:
For they was poor and tried to farm this
piece Of land out west
It wasn't much to start with and they
meyer got its best
Dad, he was crippled, hand and feet. with
rheumatic and such
Ana ma was always poorly and she never
could do much:
And so when grew up stayed right on
the farm and worked:
didn't get no achoolin' but they couldn't
say ehirked.
And when they died buried them, right
yonder on the hill;
They seemed SO sort Of lonesome-like
just stayed on, until
I'm right here yet, alone again-my wife's
been dead twelve year.
And son, he's gone in business and Is
doing well. I hear.
Evening star., 1909-03-13

ration story in advance This was be-
cause their managing editors wanted. de-
nanded what's knoWn as early copy
The big papers, even then, of course.
maintained regular stats Of correspond
ents here to cover the entire Washington
end Of things. but the ordinary papers
had only one man on the Washing gton job.
and my paper. while a good one, was in
the ordinary class.
"A couple of weeks before the Harrison
inaugural I received a. letter from my
managing editor. in which he told me
that he wanted me to get busy right
away with the inauguration story.
81 want to get the paper on the street.
with a complete advance story OF the
Inauguration. Just a few minutes after
the new President takes the oath OF Of
fice.' said the managing editor In his let
ter to me- and this. Of course. will re-
quire that we have your story IN type,
ready to spring. just as soon as we get
the flash that the oath has been taken by
Mr.. Harrison. We'u use your story ex-
clusively in the first edition, and run the
Evening star., 1909-03-13

the thousands of men-many of them
elderly and susceptible to disease-that
made up the civic organizations con-
tingent.
1t would seem that when the returns
from the various cities and states were all
IN that even the most thoushtless and
careless members Of Congress would have
something pretty serious to think about
with respect to the proposition to change
the inaugural date.
"A Senate. who lives at hotel not
many steps away from Franklin Park. re-
ceived a letter g. couple Of weeks ago
that stirred the spirit of romance within
hts breast Oh, It was a perfectly proper
letter and all that sort OF thing and
purported to be from a fair and youthful
constituent Of his-whose name he had
never heard-who was temporarily So
tourning in Washington-Washing
city. She was SO bashful, the modest
little thing, that she didn't want to come
to the senator's hotel to talk over the
little matter of finding a job for her in
the National capital, but she would like
to meet the senator on the'park corner.
The said distinguished senator put on
his best bib and tucker and a fur over
coat-for twas goldfish highland sal
Lied forth, with red carnation, for
recognition. in his buttonhole. He hung
around the park for upward of an hour
and then. cross and plumb disgusted with
human nature, blew back to his hotel.
where he found reception committee
waiting for him. Some fair friends Of his
in the hotel, thinking the senator q bit
too serious-minded and outwardly dis
tinguished for everyday use, had put up
the Job on him with grand success. They
all turned out to welcome him. too, about
fifty strong. and the distinguished sena-
tor. pretty cross at first, warmed up and
everybody was happy. AS the reporter
on the Podunk Yelp Of Freedom would
say, "A good time was had by ALL
u REPRESENTATIVE BARTHOLDT of
n Missouri, whose accent is rich and
who is an Intimate friend Of the dove.
appeared at the Capitol a day or so after
the session closed. clad in fur over
Evening star., 1909-03-13

ing a profound personal interest In the
inauguration story and wanted 10 Hahe
a hit with him.
$50, firstly, I wrote the beautifulest
fair weather Inauguration story that you
ever read or heard of in all the Gays OIL
your bright young life. 1t was pertect
ha.be of a. fair weather story-banners
and gonfalons waving and Tapping IN the
mellow sunshine, the skies or azure Vi
TURQUOISE or mazarine or sapphire 1or-
get exactly which-and the men sheddlhg
their overcoats and the women thelr
wraps under the influence of the lovely
balminess. and the President standing on
fine east portico with his hat on ana tne
warm zephyrs from the southland toying
softly with his locks, and all that kino ,,t ot
stuff. I labeled that boy NO. l ana put
f. aside when finished to write No. =
mo. was all the bonbons by way OF
a rotten weather inaugural introduc.loii. :.
too. I iust piled it on thick in making IL
as miserable and bedraggled and uncom.
Portable and hellish as possible. Told OF
how the colors of all the decorations hao
Evening star., 1909-03-13
deeply sympathetic: Il wouldn't either
When you buy black beforehand they
never die"
And yet these two still speak,

deeply sympathetic: Il wouldn't either.
When you buy black beforehand they
never die"
And yet these two still speak.
N1O better indication could be had OF
~ the manner In which Vice President
Fairbanks had come to be regarded In
Washington than the send-off he got
when he was about ready to say good
bye to official Washington and to turn
over his gavel as presiding officer of the
Senate to his successor. Mr.. Sherman.
Folks went to see him and to shake hands
with him and say farewell because they
wanted to. because they liked him and
admired him and respected him and
because they were mighty sorry In
deed to see him go. Mr.. Fairbanks
wouldn't know me from side or
sole leather. and yet I expect to cher-
ish for some time a poignant regret that
I was unable to go to the Senate at the
time he had fixed for saying adios to the
members of the Senate and House press
galleries, just to have the chance OF ruo-
bing his knuckles together In gooo
grip and adding my widows mite to the
treasure Of sincere I'm aWfuily sorry
you're goings" that were his that day.
Mr. Fairbanks may be chilly In his man
nor and frosty in his exterior. but. I'm
willing to bet that way down deep inside e
he is and has always been as warm ana
coy as an eiderdown comforter his
manner was Objectionable to some people.
Personally I think that's to ms creolE
The type of politician who puts his arm
around your shoulders and runs one han1
through your hair and tells you how Wen en-
you're looking. and then pats your PACK
YOU can have everything he's got, IS very
familiar around the Capitol It is an old
type, but is diminishing. praise heaven.
That same pulse warmer. at the very .iIme
menting your intellectually and influ-
ence. is probably thinking all the t,me me
Of some story you wrote about him back pack
in the fall Of 1888 and wonoe1ins 70"
est. And, too. after he has told you
that he is yours to command. II you toio
Evening star., 1909-03-13

him you hadn't had anything 10 eat IN
three weeks except a stale Maryland bis
cult, and produced aff1davits to prove H.
he would freeze up like a duck pond IN
December and shake you In ten seconds.
On the other hand. nine times out OF zen
II Is the man who looks as II he had been
cut out of marble and had dlspostioh
like sour ketchup who Is there with the
come-across at the right and proper time
After all. 1t Is simply question. with
folks like Mr.. Fairbanks. OF not having
the art of knowing people intimately
within ten seconds after a formal lntro-
duction. They have to be @ aeaua.htea ,h;,efi
they know you. Perhaps they Will ike
you. and perhaps they will not. II they
don't 'tis no harm to you. IL they do' an
the knocks that ever were handed out
couldn't make them change. They stay
put. and you can always ind them where
you left them last.
Mr.. Fairbanks had an unfortunate
manner, had he? Then, gracious heaven.
give us more, lots more. OF the Same
brand.
THERE has been a dire lot of yowlins
! from the direction of New YORK
recently about the variety Of plays that
are being dished up to the highly moral
residents of that delectable metropolis. !
suppose some Of them are bad and I'M
moral and what not> But at the same
time 1t does not excuse those last word
lists who, basing their opinion on this
noise from an exotic and unimportant
place like New York. have uttered the
fnality that "the taste of the American
people in amusements is fast degenerat-
ing"
Aside from the fact that New York,
where they prefer lingerie to literature
is a bad standard by which to judge the
rest of the country, the statement Is ridic
ulous OF itself. The world fs oetter than
# ever was: people are cleaner. mentally
and physically. the standards along all
lines are higher
Back yonder bit Roman dame. meet.
ing a friend on the Appian way. might
say with propriety: Say, Gladys,
amt got a blamed thing to do. Let's
take the kids out to see the lions fed
Nowadays a Washington matron. meet
Evening star., 1909-03-13

accurately as possible, the StatlStlCS Oi
deaths resulting directly from exposure
during the ceremonies recently ended.
The movement for a change of date Is
likely to meet with considerable opposi-
ton from those members OF both the
Senate, and the House of Representatives
who when their. feet get dry and they
have fully recovered frcm colds and other
ills contracted in Washington during the
inaugural week. are inclined to say, "Oh.
shucks; the inauguration comes only once
every four years. 1t Is hardly worth
while amending the Constitution, which
would involve a long and cumbersome
proceeding. Just for that. Perhaps we'll
have a better day next time. Lightning
and billiards never strike twice in the
same place
Those members who are going to col
lect the mortality statistics think they
can give these thoughtless folks Just
quoted something of Jolt If they spring
the real figures on them and bring them
face TO face with the facts. IT will be
recalled that last Monday the contents
OF letter received by Representative
Peters of Massachusetts was printed In
The Star, showing that out Of 500 mem
hers of the Massachusetts, Coast Artillery
who attended the inaugural and marched
IN the parade-and who incidentally stood
for nearly three hours in the bowling
blizzard before taking their places in
line-1O1 developed pneumonia upon their
return to their homes. At that time one
had died and one was dying. Probably
there have been other victims since then.
although the actual figures are not at
hand. And mind you. those figures were
with respect TO only 500 Of the body of
nearly 10000 troops who were scheduled
10 march in the parade, irrespective OF
Evening star., 1909-03-13

Associated Press story in the later edi-
tons So get on the job. OF course. you
can't forecast the weather conditions.
but we want your Introduction to the
story all the Same. To this end you IL
have to write two introductions, mark
ing them mo. T. and mo. 2" No. /
will be fair-weather story and NO. a
bum weather story. On the forenoon or
the Inauguration you can hand us nasn
as TO whether we shall use Introduction
No. 1 or No. @ Now get down to this
thing. for we must have EARLY COPY
I mean EARLY ADVANCE COP9-for
this inauguration.
'rThat was quite lot of A letter for
a. managing editor to write to corre-
spondent, and so, Of course. took OF my
coat and let my gallusses down from my
shoulders, so to speak, and Waded Ilsnt
Into the business of writing up complete
inauHuration story
"T got the files Of the Washington news
papers for a couple Of previous 1nausu-
rations and just wrote the account OF
the Capitol proceedings-the taking OF the
oath and al thai sort OF ,aasaas assa sebinS ssn
as q anyth'ns, ssga with one hand. '''0 0eA'na
:s1hen. with the helpful assistance Of
some people knew on the inaugural
committees. I got together a hne mass
or mess of junk about the parade-the
chief military and civic features, the
names Of the governors OF states VINO
be riding a-horseback, and all that sort Oh
thing. and, fixing up the line OF marcIi,
described scenes and incidents of the
parade, sticking in the wild cheers, ana
things in appropriate spots: and SO OH, on
fssWhen I got through with this portion
OF n-tf1e parade and the scenes and Incl
dents along the line Of march end OF IT,
and the things that happened-were go
Ing to happen. 1 mean.on the reviewing e,oH,
jf do say go myself, as shouldn't.
I'VE we're all right as to the inaugural
address, for the Associated Press got that
rom Mr.. Harrison some. days before the
inauguration and sent 1t out on release
conditions to all of the papers IN It's
service. g.,
PRODUCTION I wanted to be tne ana
splurgy and fine-writey and stuff IKE
that in the introduction. because 1t was
plain that my managing editor was lax