Coeur d'Alene evening press. (Coeur d'Alene, Idaho) 1907-1929, 1909-01-19
ACranky Widow.

| widowerB.
There came q day when Uncle Ben
had to add his own name to the list
Of widowers. His good wife passed
away and left him alone. He grieved
for a few months and then started In
on his work again. He was rather
forced to. He got track Of widow
who had given out that she would
never marry again. She had heard Of
Uncle Ben and had given out that she
dehed him. He still wore his EN-
bIem Of mourning as re drove over to
see her. He found her perfectly sat
isfied with her situation. Death had
claimed a husband so lazy that he
hated to turn over In bed, and she
didn't propose to take further chances
Uncle Ben brought out his statistics
They ran back 400 years and applied
to every nation. They proved beyond
controversy that there was only one
cOnstitutionally lazy man out Of every
500 Of the male population. Thus the
widow might remarry 400 times and
run no risk. She then put 1t that her
late lamented had the appetite Of
horse and shook the walls Of the
house at night with his snorings.
There we're statistics to prove that
this state Of affairs was to be found In
America only In one case out Of q
thousand and then when the moon
was In her third quarter. Whatever
excuse the widow brought forward
Uncle Ben successfully controverted,
and at length she gave him a big
| piece OF apple pie and glass OF cider
and gently turned him out of doors.
But he wouldn't stay out. Within
month he was back TO plead the cause
Of certain wldower. He had the
mans history down In writing. and
be had his tIntype. The wldower
didn't snore, he was a hustler, he was
good natured, he didn't swear at his
oxen, be built the kitchen fire In the
morning, he had farm OF 50 many
acres, and be was the owner Of 30
many horses, cattle, hogs and sheep,
with Q spotted calf thrown In to
make a good bargain. The widow
shook her head and said nay, however.
She had sixty acres Of her land in
turnlps, and she felt that Il was GO
ing to be a great year for that vege-
table.
Uncle Ben came agnin with u wild
over that had once seen the widow
driving along the highway aud had
fallen In love with her. lie had only
i've children; he never refused his wife
calico dress or pair Of shoes he
never INDUCED In remarks when his
meals were not ready; II the cellar
needed withdrawing he did the work
himself; II tin pan leaked he could
mend It, and II the chuFn dasher broke
he could make another from broom
stick within ten minutes. The widow
gave this man ten minutes thought
and shen shook her head Hay was
selling for $40, ton, and she would
have thirty tons TO sell.
He brought Nos. 4, 5 and o, and
he brought tintypes, photographs and
memoranda, lie drank cider while
enumerating their many virtues, and
be ate apple. peach and huckleber.
~ pie between statistics. As one
candidate after another was presented
aud bis claims set forth Uncle ben
saw that the widow softened a bit
She turned them all down, but this
softening encouraged him 10 20 ahead.
In his own mind he thought her a bit
particular-eycn cTanky-fOr turning
down farmer blind In one eye,
lightning rod man with game ley
aud u wire fence man with hump ON
his back, but he did not say so. He
knew that II he Kept ON long enough
aud could find candidates enough the
widow was bound 10 give In. He
didn't neglect his farm work altogeth.
or. but he kept an eye out for the right
sort Of candidate. He thought he had
him In No, I, He brought the widow
Or to the house aud let him sit In the
buggy at the gate while he went In to
do the talking.
There he Is. wldder." he said, with
an air VI confidence Take q look al
him from the winder. Forty-elght
years old. Ia good health aud not
blemlsh ON him. Don't swear, chaw
terbacker nor drink Never gifts mad
aud allus wlllin' for his wife to 70 to
town. Got i've children. aud they are
little angels Only takes an hour to
scrub one up 50 that you want to kiss
him. Big farm, keeps hired gal, lives
well and bound to make you happy for
the rest OF your life, When add that
bis late wife left four pairs OF almost
new shoes behind her you can see
what kind Of man he Is, Shall
boiler to him to come LnT'
NO you needn't boiler" quietly re
piled the widow.
But what's the matterT'
Il shan't marry him"
"But look a-here. widder, this h the
seventh man I've brung to your mo-
tice."
sYea."
and don't you think you're a bit
cranky 10 turn the hull drove OF 'em
DOWN..
- shall never marry" she replied.
with a Sigh.