The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-30
MARRYING OFF
 DAUGHTERS WELL A Task With Many Attendant
 Difficulties RESULT HARD TO PREDICT Experience Does not Count for Half so Much In the Job as Tact and
 Good Common Sense.
 Delicate Task.
RESULT HARD TO PREDICT

From the Boston Herald.
 How to marry off daughter so that the young people shall be reasonably happy and not likely to turn up in the divorce courts Is a problem in solving which ex- perience does not seem to be everything To illustrate:
 The mother of a beautiful, accom- plished well-ofe but not wealthy deb- utante sought to marry her to a cer- tain rich young man in her first sea- son. She planned, persistently, pa- tently, with such success that the marriage took place within a year. After the last handful of rice had been thrown the mother heaved a long sigh of satisfaction, believing that she had done the best in her power to secure her daughters happiness.
 Now the sequel: Before the honey moon was over, or rather before the period old-fashioned brides and bride grooms used to allot to the honeymoon, had elapsed, the pair were manifestly in- different to each other. A year later the young husband was seeking pleasures away from his home, and his unhappy wife was proudly showing a cheerful face to the public. Friends and relatives were astonished, none more so than the girls mother, who confidently expected that the trouble would before long right itself Instead the wife got a divorce and went home to her mother. Now, when the subject of marrying off one's daugh- ters comes up, that particular mother says nothing.
 Another matchmaking mother with the very best intentions toward an only daughter used all her skill, which was a good deal, to bring about a marriage be- tween her and a young man of good habits and high social position who was on the road to becoming a rich man. All the young womans relatives agreed that the match would be ideal, and when the young man showed every, evidence of being willing to fall in with the mothers plans they decided that the mother was a lucky woman.
 Tme mother thought so herself, and was inclined for a time to think highly of her own talents as a match maker. The daughter took a different view. She took 1t into her pretty head to snub the young man, to snub him so unmistakably that in high dudgeon he withdrew and promptly transferred his attentions to girl whom he soon married
 The mother took it hard. Almost she had seen her daughters happiness as- sured, as she thought, and there could be no doubt that her first motive was her daughters happiness, and then her daughter had coolly stated that she would not have any young man thrown at her head and declined to have her happiness assured. As a matchmaker the mother had failed for the time being and her daughters future was still in doubt. A worldly wise woman who has mar ried off two daughters to their and her own entire satisfaction said when discuss ing the prospective marriage of a niece to twice her own age and of quite a diff ferent bringing up:
 Marriage Is the biggest gamble I know of, and even the best match-malxers have never discovered a set of rules bound to work the same in every case A good general rule, I have always found, is this: Provide just the propinquity you want when a girl Is very young. Take no chances. Sometimes it takes consid- erable study and self denial to do this.
 The mistake my sister made was in settling down last summer for five con secutive weeks in a large hotel where there was a dearth of young men of her daughters social circle and no man at all whom she could regard as a possible parti for her daughter. That very fact, I suppose, gave her a feeling of security.
 That a man nearly 40 and compar- atively obscure social position would catch or try to catch the fancy of a girl of IS did not occur to her till near the end of her stay. Then it was too late to do anything. She knows now that five weeks association at @ summer hotel is equal to five months association in town under ordinary circumstances.
 NO, the chances are nine to one that the match will not be happy The two have no friends In common, the dispar- ity in age Is too much, I am certain my niece's fiance would make a splen- did husband for some woman, but not for her. He himself, I think, is making a big mistake in marrying my niece
 "The propinquity I believe in is that representing first and foremost persons who have had in the main the same bringing up, whose associations have been similar, whose social viewpoint Is the same. This I always considered first where my own daughters were concerned
 Had I five daughters to marry off now think I would take them to a college town to spend a winter and let them catch the boys young. making sure that the boys who had the entree to my house promised well for the role of husband. Oh, it's not so hard to tell that. There are general indications about youths behavior while at col lege that are a pretty good guide to what he will be in later life, and add to this knowlegde of what his worldly prospects, are and something about his family, and mother Is a long way from being in the dark as to the pos sible result of taking him for a son. in-law.
 Both where young sons of young daughters are concerned misalliances are to be avoided, but If either must be made a misalliance let it be the daughter. This is contrary, I know, to accepted notions on this point.
 "A husband raises or lowers his wife to his social level Is what the law says. But it isn't so, except occasion ally. As rule when an ambitious young fellow brought up in metropolis tan upper circles marries a young wom- an of provincial bringing up, entirely ignorant of the ways, thoughts pleas ures, mode of speech even of the wom- en with whom her fance has always associated the end of his happiness is in sight. It may not happen for 10 or mo hoc To h,rf1 l.t-