The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1909-10-27
DOWN ON
THE FARM
The Rural Lie Didn't Appeal to Billy.

When Deakyne walked in late one
afternoon and. with sigh that might
have meant any one of number of
dlsconsolate things. softly set his
suitcase down, the other fellows In
the office were not surprised.
They were alarmed.
They thought that something must
have happened to Billy or his girl or
his family.
Anything the matter?" one Of
them asked, tenderly and sympathet-
ically.
"Oh. no." answered Billy; mot a
thing the matter. I've just decided to
alter my. vacation plans. that's all"
The fellows looked at each other
quickly, significantly. and felt relieved
Billy had elected that summer to
take his vacation on a farm. The day
he left he had been sneering about the
"barbaric violence" that characterized
the business streets and the "hideous
noises" that "stihed his very SOUL
He told them that he was going to an
old-fashioned farm, where he could
spend few days as the Creator In
tended man to live!"
Naturally his early return was
matter Of interest.
Things didn't pan out?" ventured
another. in tones that invited conf
dence. Tell us about 1t, Billy"
Every fellow was looking as solemn
- he oould. Consequently Billy talked.
mo MORE" he said decisively, with
q shudder, as at bad memory. Down
on the farm may do for the
bot hal
civilized mattress and gas and a bath
tub and running water within walking
distance for mine. every time. Maybe
picked the wrong farm. There may
be farms all to the good. Just as the
poets say, but l don't want to look
for 'em. Two weeks at that place and
would have been hopelsssly bug.
That farms about seven miles
from the railroad station. as ! told
you, / think, before left. Ky the way.
that seems about month ago, In
stead Of three days. My troubles be-
gan At the station and never let up
TILL I got back here.
A zap Of . boy with one cheek
bulged with . quid of tobacco and
sty on one eye was awaiting me at
the station. He had an old spring
wagon, a. they called It, to which was
hitched . plug Of horse that seemed
TO BE- forever trying to make up for
lost sl&ap. In the back end Of the
wagon vas q rocking chair for me to
sit in. I climbed up and perched. ev-
srybody at the station looking on. and
the jo'vney was begun.
Going up the first hill the plug fell
hA n
was nearly an hour patching II up.
anA in the meantime your faithfully
vas calmly baking and blisterins in
the sun.
Il arrived without further damage.
but Just a. jumped out Of the wagon
one Of the numerous dogs about the
place discovered that q stranger was
IN their midst and 1t took the zap. his
ma and pa and the hired girl To get
ne safely to the house.
That supper! I'll forget Il never!
Cold hog jovl. pumpkin butter. half
sour At that, corn bread and butter
milk!
Il had to 70 to bed 1t $50 70 keep
from being left alone.
Did you ever hear that talk about
the luxury and comfort OF real coun-
try bedf Jumping into that feather
bed was Just like diving. The middle
Of my body sank until my feet were
right In front of my face. I tried the
stomach method OF repose. but ny
spine was not sufficiently flexible.
Finally I sQuatted on one side and
managed To drop into . doze. But not
for long.
Mosquitoes! They extended me an
ovation. 1 hid under . quilt and
sweated and had nightmare the rest
Of the night.
AT dawn the mosquitoes left and
was getting . wink Of precious slum-
Der whom the farmer pounded on the
foot of the stairs and yelled for the
zap to get up and feed the horses. A
little later ! was again getting to
sleep when the hired girl banged on
my door and told me 1t was time to
get up and wash for breakfast.
II had to dress before washed.
The washing was done In . tin basin
In front Of the kitchen door.
breakfast menu - strong ham.
strong coffee. strong eggs and strong
butter.
And during the meal the baby.
which occupied a high chair beside
me. spilled its milk in my lap. I
didn't mind that. though. for had
Just been told that In my hsnor the
dogs had been chained.
After the delightful repast T.
thought I'd go for a stroll in the YER
dant meadow Just abaft the barnyard.
Result: A bull got after me. barely
escaped by lodging around . shed.
but the bull had speed up and ran,
through q plank fence. tearing down,
. whole section of it. u
The farmer wanted to tax me
dollar for the damage done to the
fence.
That was the limit Believe me.
was provoked and demanded to be
conveyed at once to the station.
"Ths old skinfiint dictated terms n
was to forfeit the price Of a week'si
board forgot to mention that l was
asked that night to settle q week in
edyunce-put up a dollar for the.