davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
THE "pENu coMEpIAns

Warden Sanders of the Fort Mad
ison penitentiary was interviewed
while in Des Moines yesterday and he
told of one of his plans of providing
amusement for the convicts. He said:
I'VE are getting ready for minstrel
show to be given on the next holiday"
continued Sanders. 1--WE have several
excellent musicians and some real
comedians. l had hoped to arrange 1t
for the Fourth of July, but we are de.
voting all our energies to the building
of the new wall and the guards have
enough to do without attending the
evening rehearsals."
1t is pleasing to note that the work
of building the new wall will be com
pleted before these excellent mu
sicians" and real comedians black
up for the minstrel The cast of char
acters for the "pen' talent affair has
not been announced, so 1t is not known
whether or not Murderer Junkin will
be one of the end men.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
"0ooDBY, GRANT,"

Kansas City Journal-A western
Kansas editor was recently told that
the head of Lincoln appears on the
new silver half dollar; that the bust
of Cleveland will be on the new SIC
certificate and that of Grant on the
$50 one.
'Is that all so?" he asked.
"You don't suppose I'm lying to
you," replied his informant
Not at all, not at all" was the edi
tors reply. 81 wasn't thinking along
that line at all. just wanted to be
sure. I'll probably get sight of Lin
coin now and then, and it may be my
rare and wondrous good fortune to oc
casionally scrape up fleeting ac
quaintance with Cleveland. But Grant
dear Grant, goodby and God bless
you!"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
A TALKING TURTLE.

Boston Record-A small negro boy
was going along the street carrying a
turtle by the tail, when a ventrilo-
quist standing near threw his voice
over to the turtle and seemed to make
1t say: Where Is you-all goin' with
me?"
The little negro heard the question,
and looking around with establishment
but not being entirely satisfied as to
where the voice came from, walked on.
Again the ventriloquist threw his
voice over the turtle and said: Il say
where is you-all takin' me?"
This time the boy was satisfied that
the turtle had been gifted with mi
raculous power of speech and instantly
dropped 1t on the sidewalk in con-
sternation, exclaiming, Il isn't a-tak-
in you-all no-whar. 1 has don drop
ped you-all."
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19

remind us Of their presence as they
slowly depart into the darkness of the
shadows, are lost to view and seen no
more until they reappear the following
night and re-enact the sentimental per-
formance of the previous evening. At
first 1t bothered us little when we
were preparing copy for the next days
use to hear such exclamations as "Oh,
don't!" and "Oh. you candy kid" and
"You baby DOLL" and such like ex-
Carnations, but we are getting harden
ed and used to it now and if the
young people will only agree not to
scatter SO many peanut shucks on the
steps and sidewalk in front of the
office we will buy low, Turkish otto
man upon which they can recline and
place 1t on the front steps to add a
touch of poetic beauty to the scene
Oconto (Wis.) Enterprise.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
THE MULE AND IKE.

An Atlanta merchant has frequent oc-
casion to rebuke Ike, his darky porter,
for his hardness In reporting for duty
in the morning. Ike was always ready
with more or less ingenious excuse.
You're two hours late, Ike!" ex-
claimed the employer one morning.
This sort of thing must stop! Other
wise, I'm going to fire you; under
stand?"
Deed, Mistah Edward" replied
Ike, ut want nah fault, dis time!
Honest! was kicked by mule!"
Kicked by mule? Well, even If
that were SO, it wouldn't delay you
for more than an hour. You'll have to
think of better excuse than that"
Ike looked aggrieved. "Mistah Ed
ward" he continued solemnly, "it
might have been all right eff dat mule
kicked me, in dis direction; but he
didn't-he kicked me de odder way!"
-Lippincott's.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
INTERNATIONAL MARRIAGES.

Charles de Lima, a playwright
whose plays are said to have enjoy
ed tremendous vogue in Spain and
Italy has been making an investiga-
tion Of International marriages for the
purpose of building play about that
theme. Mr.. de Lima's Investigations
have led him to form the firm opinion
that the American girl has little to
gain and everything to lose by such
an alliance.
''The titled men Of Europe" he de-
clares, "only marry American wives
when they cannot afford to marry
their own countrywomen." He asks
these two questions:
"Who can name for me three titled
European men, whose inheritance in
cluded real social and financial stand
Ing, who have married American
girls?
"Or, can anybody tell me the names
of three titled European men, devoid
of financial standing, whose titles are
worth anything, who have married
poor American girls?".
Three cases in either class, he as.
serts cannot be named. This Is his
answer to assertions that internation-
al matches are love matches. Mr.. de
Lima holds the international marriage
to be an awful mistake. He gives some
of the reasons:
ITO begin wits, American wives are
not really received in the inner cir.
cles Of titled Europe. They think they
are, but they are not. The manner in
which American girls are excluded
from intimacy with the true society
Of Europe is so subtle that they dc
not know they suffer from it them
selves There have been notable ex
ceptions in England But in France
the barrier is insurmountable.
Then there is the fundamental
tamneramental differences. For in
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
Love and Peanut shucks at oconto.

Most any evening when the scintil
liant moon beams upon us, when warm,
soft zephyrs Of evening rustic the
foliage and cool the fevered brow, and
the winged insects frolic around the
electric lights, some superlatively
happy young couple take possession of
the alcoye leading to the front door
of the Enterprise Office and there, with
blissful unmindedness of the close
proximity Of the reporters desk, and
with arms entwined about each others
forms these two radiant beings sit and
joyously prattle on in loves sweet
language, eating peanuts, munching
popcorn and trading chewing gum, un-
til the last old rounder hiking home
ward proclaims the midnight hour and,
repining that loves young dream
passeth all so quickly, they reluctantly
depart from the trysting place they
have usurped and, with fond, linger-
ing embrace, they silently fade away
into the darkness of the shadows, leav-
ing naught but a nickle's worth of pea
nut shucks upon our front steps to
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
sHockiNG!

New York ne-Government
statistics show that the United States
sells mowers and reapers to seventy
five countries. plows and cultivators
to seventy, watches to seventy-five,
clothes and twine to seventy, bicycles
to sixty, street railway cars to fifty,
candles and baking powder to forty,
and SO on. How shocking this
Chinese wall' of the protective tar.
riff does exclude us from the markets
Of the world! Why, there must be
at least one or maybe even two coun.
tries to which we don't sell anything;
though really we don't know where
they are.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19

The foregoing item in last Fridays
Courier has written between It's lines
the story of romance covering over
q quarter of century.
Douglas Coop and Mary Moriarty
were school companions many years
ago when he was twenty and she three
years younger. They began going to-
gether," just as all the other boys and
girls in the neighborhood were doing.
Their acquaintance ripened into love
ard from mere friends they soon be-
csme sweethearts. The entire commun-
ity was watching the re- enactment of
loves oft repeated drama and the
reighbors thought it only a question
of weeks until they would be married.
Eut Mary Moriarty felt she was need
| ed In her own home to care for In
valid relatives and so the young peo-
Pile put off their own happiness, but
never ceased to talk Of the day, when
they could enjoy a home of their own.
| But the weeks turned into months
and the months into years, but still
Mary Moriarty could not leave her
old home. The onrushing years brought
| many changes to the features of the
two lovers, but their affections never
wsvered.
Last week, Just twenty seven years
after the beginning of the pretty ro.
nance, the two sweethearts decided
that the time for their marriage hac
arrived, and so without word tt
anyone they went together to Ottum.
wa and were made husband and wife
Mr.. and Mrs. Coop are at home tc
their friends in Perlee where Mr.. CooI
has a number Of business interests.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
THoMPsoM ON THE RIVER.

The development OF our Watei ie
sources is thousand times more ini'
portant than a revision of the tar1n'
and our weakness on that one point ls
doing more to retard our commerc'hl
growth than any other five factors.
This was one Of the statements
made by S. A. Thompson, field secre'
tary Of the National Rivers and Har'
bors congress, in speech at Des
Mo,nes last night. Mr.. Thompson
will be a speaker at the open meet
ing OF the Ottumwa Commercial asso
citation tomorrow night and he Will De
prepared to show why Ottumwans
should take a vital interest In the
ulans for internal waterway improve
ment.
Mr.. Thompson declares that the
Des Moines river can and will be
made navigable. How soon 1t, Is done
depends altogether on the citizens oi
Des Moines, Ottumwa and other clues
along the river. 1t will be up to them
to take the initiative in pushing TINS
matter. All Iowa would be benefited
nv the opening Of the Des Moines
river to navigation, but the rest OF
Iowa cannot be expected to take an
interest in the matter unless the GU
les most directly interested take the
lead in pushing the improvement
plans.
The address by Mr.. Thompson VIII
be one of series provided by the
Commercial association. Previous all
dresses by noted authorities have
dealt with business building and city
building, both questions in which ev
cry citizen is interested. They should
Re as deeply interested in the question
of waterway Improvement, and no one
is better qualified to thoroughly ex
plain the benefits to be derived from
such improvement and the plans fo'
waterway building than Mr.. Thomf
son, who has made a study OF the
question for twenty-five years and is
recognized as an authority.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
Where Shed Wear It.

Somebody sent this to the society
editor of the Cleveland Plain Dealer
and made affidavit that it really hap
pened.
Here it is: They were at an after.
noon card party. A stout woman drop
ped card to the floor. "Would you be
SO kind as to pick up that card for
me?" she inquired of the little woman
at her right.
Certainly" said the accommodate
ing woman at the right, picking UP the
card.
"You see," explained the stout wom-
an apologetically, I've got on brand
new $50 corset, and I'm afraid I'll
strain it If | lean over"
"Hum!" commented the other wom-
an enviously "If l had $50 corset
I'd wear it on the outside. really
would"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
DIFFERENCE is INFERENTIAL.

The Boston Transcript tells the
story Of "a very sinful wag" who was
lunching with DR.. Abbott and referred
repeatedly to his connection with
Outing.
At last DIR. Abbott could stand 1t no
longer and protested "But, my dear
sir, / am not the editor of Outing. l
have never had anything to do with
Outing. While live l hope never to
edit Outing. 1 am the editor Of the
Outlook"
why, bless me, SO you are!" cried
his vis-a-vis. Funny l should have
made that mistake. Really, couldn't
have confused two periodicals more
strikingly different. Whereas, Outing
makes religion of sport, the Out
look"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
THE IRISH VS.. THE DUTCH.

Once there was chief Of police In
st. Louis who was in continual war
fare with the Germans who were on
the force, says the Saturday Evening
Post. He thought the Irish were the
finest policemen in the world and the
Germans the worst.
One day, at assembly, he said: Min
have ye your guide books with you?
Some day am going to ask you the
different places of interest in the city,
so will know if you. tell strangers
right. 1 think l will do it now. Kelly
and Schmidt, stand up. l will examine
yes two.
Nov, Kelly, will examine you
first Watch sharp, now, for will ask
you some very hard questions. will
trip you. Listen: Where is the court
house located?"
broadway and Market
Fright you are. Now look out!
Where are the Four Courts?'
Twelfth and Clarke avenue"
Fright again. Mark that, Schmidt.
Now, where is my Office located In
said building?"
Northwest corner"
Does the book say that?"
"Yes."
"The book is wrong; northwest
wing. Where is the city hall?"
Right opposite your Officer"
Fright. There's no use of my trying
to catch you; you know everything in
the book. Now, Schmidt, am going
to ask you where is the Kokomo
building?"
Schmidt scratched his head and said
he didn't know.
"Ah, ha! l have you on the first
one, Ell? Kelly, how many elevators
are they in the Kokomo building?"
Eight"
There ye go. The Irish beats the
Dutch any time. Like you, Schmidt,
you do not even know where the Ko.
komo building is and Kelly knows how
many elevators there is in it. l fine
you two days pay, Schmidt, for not
KNOWN your book
P. S.-There is no Kokomo building
| in St. Louis.-Saturday Evening Post
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
SEYMOUR.

Seymour-The funeral service OF
James G. Givens, who died Wednesday
evening, was conducted from the
United Brethren church Sunday after
noon at $3.50 o'clock. The services
were conducted by the pastor, assisted
by G. w. Mason Of Toledo, Ia, a
former pastor of this church, and Rev.
l.. M. Beebe. Interment was made in
South Lawn cemetery.
Ira Manning, who has been attending
college in Fairfield, returned hoi1se Sat.
urday to spend the vacation.
Hazel Scott and Ruth Brown went to
Abba Sunday to visit relatives and
friends.
Arthur Whitmer left Saturday for
Redding, to visit his sister, Mrs
Allyn.
The people of Seymour are vel
pleased with the prospect of having
Albert A. Armstrong with his high
class illustrations of masterpieces ol
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
MISSOURI SHOULD BE FIRM.

Missouri is making mistake now
BY allowing night riders and feud
murderers to do business within her
borders The advancement and de-
yelopment of that state was retarded
for years by the lawless acts of the
Youngers, the James gang, the F'ords
and others Of that outlaw stripe. The
depredations Of those lawless bands
kent capital and business from seek
ing investment in that commonwealth.
Missouri would have been much
further developed than it Is now If it
had not been for Quantrel and the
remnant Of his band, who, after the
war, made Missouri their head
quarters.
The state has been making wonder
full strides in late years and there has
been an end to the lawlessness Of the
earlier days, yet in the Courier last
night there was an article which told
how the farmers in the vicinity OF
Cowgill are working in the fields with
giies slung over their shoulders as
che result of depredations by night
riders. These outlaws should be sup
pressed at once Missouri cannot af-
for to countenance their further depre-
dations in this day and age.
Missouri is bountifully endowed with
natural resources. 1t has mineral
wealth untold, immense timber tracts,
agricultural lands as good as any,
navigable streams, big cities and excel
lent smaller towns. 1t has for the
last ten years been going ahead and
developing by leaps and bounds, and
It's officials should see that the night
riders and feudists are put out of bust
ness at once.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
WHAT AN EXPERT SAID.

Waterloo Courier-That newspaper
men are not doing al 1.-The booming of
newspaper advertising Is fact which
came out most conspicuously in the ad-
vice given to bankers by e. st. Elmo
Lewis of Detroit, an advertising ex-
pert, at the late convention in Wa
terloo. This man owns great deal
of bank stocks and makes a business
of studying different kinds of adyertis-
ing carefully noting the results of each
kind What he advises bankers is just
as applicable to any kind Of business.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
SHABBY REFUSED.

The barber had performed the opera
tion with skill and dexterity, and as
he was about to drop the footrest and
bolt Shabby upright, he happened to
think of his stereotyped list of ques-
tions, and began:
Face massage, sir?"
mo; not today
"Hair singed?"
NO
"shampoo?"
mo"
Electric scalp treatment?"
NO
'Dipp's Dandruff Cure? Beg pardon,
sir, but you need it,"
mo; not today"
"Fakir's skin food?"
No.,
Manicure or shoe shine?" (Silence)
Hair and moustache dyed?"
By this time Shabby had lost all pa,
tience and whirling on the innocent
talking machine, he shouted, mo, no.
no! I don't want any of the things
you ratified off, nor do l want Turk
ish bath or be measured for suit.
don't want any teeth filled nor third
leg grated on. l don't want to be
fitted for spectacles nor take chance
in lottery. l came in to get g
shave, and asked for shave. If
wanted glass eye put In would
| have asked you. Shave, that's what
I wanted. Now proceed with the cont
and brush finale!"-Boston Herald.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
A Modern Improvement.

Three doctors were operating on a
man for appendicitis. After the opera
tion was, completed one of the doctors
missed small sponge. The patient
was reopened, the sponge found with
in, and the man sewed up again. I'M
mediately the second doctor missed a
needle Again the patient was opened
and closed Then the third doctor
missed a pair of scissors. Gentle
men," said the victim, as they were
about to open him up again, "for heav-
ems sake, If you're going to keep this
up, put buttons on me-"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19

Cures permanently the cases he an
dertakes and sends the incurabla
home without taking fee from them.
This Is why he continues his visita
year after year, while other doctors
have made few visits and stopped.
DIR. Shallenoerger is an eminently sue.
cessful specialist in all chronic dis.
eases, proven by the many cures ef.s
fected in chronic cases which have
baffled the skill Of all other physi.
clans. His hospital experience and
extensive practice have made him I'd
proficient that he can name and locate.
disease in a few minutes.
Treats all cases of Catarrh, Nose,
Throat anG Lung Diseases, Eye and
Ear, Stomach, Liver and Kidneys,
Gravel, Rheumatism, Paralysis, Ne,l
ralgia, Nervous and Heart Diseases,
Blood and Skin diseases, Epilepsy,
Bright's Disease and Consumption n
early stage, diseases of the Bladder
and Female Organs, Liquor and To.
bacco habit. Stammering cured and
sure methods to prevent its recurrence
given. A never failing remedy for Big
Neck.
PILES, + F,oTULAS and RUPTURE
guaranteed cured without detention
| ITOHi DuSlne -. SpeClal attent1On given
to all Surgical cases and all diseases
Of the Eye. Ear, Nose and Throat and
Granulated Lids.
NERVOUS DEBILITY.
Are you nervous and despondenf,
weak and debilitated; tired mornings:
no mbition-lifeless; memory poor:
easily fatigued; excitable and irritabls
eyes sunken; red and blurred; pimp.
les on face dreams; restless; haggard
looking, weak back; deposit in urine
and drains 1T stool; distrustful: want
of confidence. lack Of energy and
strength!
| DISEASE Of MEN AND PRIVATE
DIsEAsES A SPECIALITY.
Blood Poison, Spermatorrhea, vari.
cocele. Hydrocele, Debility, Nervous.
ness, Dizziness, Defective Memory,
ETC., which iuins mind and body, posi-.
lively cured.
WONDERFUL CURES.
Perfected In old cases which have
been neglected or unskillfully treated.
No experiments or failures. He I'm.
dertakes no incurable cases, but cures
thousands given up to die.
Consultation Free and Confidential.
Address
nr wv r ChoII.oLa,.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
A Pun at Nordica's Expense.
From the Boston Journal.

Apropos Of Nine. Nordica's contest
of the will of her aunt. Mrs Allen, and
the claim of the famous singer that
considerable of this wealth came from
her grandfather, Camp Meeting John
Allen, is told a story illustrating the
old revivalist's sense of humor.
His wife was getting into carriage
on day, and the old gentleman ne
elected to assist her. "You are not as
gallant, John, as when you were a
boy" she exclaimed
NO" was the ready response, "anu
you aren't as buoyant as when you
were gal"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19

stance, when man marries abroad
one of his own country women, her
family and his merge absolutely. They
become one. The wife's honor Is the
concern of the husbands family and
vice versa. That is something that
Americans cannot understand. They
are SO detached-each one. The
American mother-in-law joke is key
note to national characteristic"
According to Mr.. de Lima, then, in
addition to securing mother-in-law as
the girl who marries an American
does. the girl who marries title
draws q whole family-in.law
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19

The Iowa swine growers, the legis-
lature and the women's clubs seem TO
be having some sort of three cor
nered misunderstanding. There is no
telling who you are going to run
against when you get to going nova
daYs
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
Always a Nuisance.

Newspaper Man-What made you
scowl at the fellow who has just gone
out?
Bank Official-He's one of those
who are always telling me how to run
my bank A man that thinks he knows
how to manage another fellows busi
ness better than the other fellow
knows how to do 1t himself is Always 4
nuisance. If was running that paper
of yours. BY George, I'd er-er
Curious kind Of weather we're having
isn't it," Rams Horn.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
MEN PAST FIFTY IN DANGER.

Men past middle life have found
comfort and relief in Foley's Kidney
Remedy. especially for enlarged pros
tate gland which is very common
among elderly men. L. E. Norris Dex-
ter, KY, writes: up to a year ago my
father suffered from kidney and blad-
der trouble and several physicians
pronounced it enlargement of the pros
tate gland and advised an operation.
On account of his age we were afraid
lie could not stand 1t and I recon-
mended Foleys Kidney Remedy, and
the first bottle relieved him, and after
taking the second bottle he was no
longer troubled with this complaint
Clark's Drug Store; Swenson'.s Drug
store.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
Pointed Paragraphs.


A homely truth is better than a
handsome lie.
After breaking $5 bill the pieces
are soon lost.
The worm may turn, but the grind
stone has to be turned.
And occasionally man tells lies
by keeping his mouth shut.
How many good people we hear Of!
And how few we meet.
Fortunate Is the bride who marries
the best man at the wedding.
Boarding house coffee is one Of the
things that are well roasted.
A man isn't necessarily hot-headed
because he wears stove pipe hat.
1t sometimes happens that woman
causes her neighbors lot Of worry
because they are unable to find out
anything about her.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
WHY NoT2

Burlington Hawk-Eye-The growth
of rank weeds In various sections of
the city is assuming an alarming
phase. The sidewalks are being hid
den and there is danger Of children
being lost in the jungles. One cit
izen suggests that the members of
the amalgamated order of moochers
now sojourning in the jail be pressed
into service to cut down the vegeta-
tion.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
A P.-ize Surprise.
From the Kansas City Star.

TIUIII IIIS NdIStts CIIy OLdT.
At party composed Of adults in
Hutchinson recently it was proposed
that the entertainment consist of the
games that prevailed in the good cid
days of childhood Postoffice," Tin
Tin" London Bridge" etc. Finally a
prize was offered for the person who
could make the "ugliest face" The
Judges witnessed and then awarded
the prize to an old maid you win"
they said, handing her box of bon
bons. II will thank you" she replied
Indignantly, ito understand that l
was not playing"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier., 1909-06-19
HE.

The graduate in glory stands,
His college course complete,
His brilliant thesis in his hands,
The world at his feet.
He little guesses as he let's
Those words of wisdom fall
He'll never see the time again
When he will know it all
New York Times