davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

on him. Here, l was, actually a mem
Der of the kaiser's family, with four
square meals day, and feather bed
to sleep on, and another one to cover
me, preparing the kaiser's son for COL
lege, a tutor, as it were. on a toot
every hour of the day, and the kaiser
looking upon me as the foremost
American citizen, except Roosevelt,
and just as we were getting to know
each other, Pa comes butting in and
spoils the whole business.
Gosh, but could have looked on and
seen Pa bastinadoed, or whatever is
the worst punishment, and never
turned hair, or shown human sympa-
thy
had given the prince new degree
every day, until he walked on crutches
and they had to wheel me in a wheel
barrow. l took him out one day in q
boat on the little lake in the palace
grounds, to teach him water polo, and
stood him up on the seat, and rocked
the boat, and he split hole in the
water, and tried to catch hold of the
Oc"N' e@AN 4 Ao"ON CIV oy AAOuA dIu
he had to swim half mile before I
let him catch on, and after l let him
get in the boat, and he got so he
could breathe and emptied the water
out of his system and clothes, and I
told him he was prepared to enter
water polo game when he got to the
American college, he said all right,
and then he tipped me out of the boat
and never let me set in until We got
near the shore, where a lot of swans
took me for new kind of duck and
they surrounded me and picked out
my eyes with their bills, and swatted
me with their wings, and when we
got ashore and I told him to run
around a pony track to dry his
clothes, he picked up club and told
me to start first, and he chased me
around until we were both dry.
This hazing is all right enough when
you do the hazing, but I thought he
was real mean to hit me on the pants,
and make me run and set the pace.
He wanted to learn how to play foot
ball, 80 got a cricket ball, his
cousins. the English princes had
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

Gee, but never have any luck, so
you could notice it, not for any length
Of time.
suppose fathers are necessity In
this world. and l would be the last
person In the world to advocate a law
to do away with fathers entirely, but
they are certainly wearing on boy.
II I should die and 60 to heaven, and
I began to get acquainted with the
other angels, and had begun to enjoy
myself playing lawn tennis with the
beautiful angels Of the girl kind, or
any other game that is fashionable
there, or was playing spin the top or
mumblety peg in the golden streets,
and had loosened nice block of gold
pavement and was just putting it in
my pistol pocket, Pa would show up
in the most outlandish clothes and try
to f1irt with the angels, and say, Hello,
Mabel, your hair is not in STYLE" or
he would search me and take my gold
brick out of my pocket to sell to some
granger from the earth, or he would
call me by name In the presence of
the beautiful angels and tell me to
come on, Hennery, am going down
cellar to the other place, where l can
back up against the fire and thaw
out" and he would take me away and
leave the angels that had got stuck
on me crying at my departure, and
when we got to the other place he
would brush me away from the CRATE
fire, and say, Nov you run out and
ride on your sled and let your Pa get
warm
That is the kind of man Pa is, and
it ought not be crime to play tricks
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
He L1structs the Prince

brought from England, and we let him
be full back, and when he got the ball
and tried to run for a touch down,
seven servants, two English princes,
regular beef eaters, and I jumped on
him and held him down until he
bleated like a calf, and when we let
him up and threw water in his face to
bring him to, he said he would tell the
kaiser and the kaiser would send bat
tleships to England and to the United
States and demand an apology and
indemnity.
But he didn't scare us with his war
talk, and we told the prince we would
give him one more degree, and then
let up on him for that day. So we
blindfolded him with a handkerchief
and got a lot of eggs from the barn,
and fixed nest in his hair, with a
big swans egg in the middle and four
hens eggs around it, and made him
hold up his right hand and swear that
he would never tell what happened in
comforting this degree, and then I
asked him how he liked his eggs
cooked, boiled or scrambled, and then
us boys, the English princes and I,
took boards and smashed the eggs on
his head and held to his nose bottle
of assofoedita, and when he smelled
it, and the eggs dripped down his hair
into his collar, he said, Dem eggs vos
rodden, already" and 1 thought he
would drown in yolk of eggs, cause
never knew a swans egg would hold
so much yellow stuff, and then he
pulled off the blindfold, and, o, my,
wasn't he mad.
He grabbed up the dozen eggs in
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
A Simple Proposition

The man who sat alone had said
nothing.
"The testimony against the upper
berth was pretty strong" said the
stout man from Chicago. Everybody
who came before the Pullman COM
mittee knocked 1t, and the women
were especially bitter. 1t almost
looks as If the upper berth would
have to Co."
The man who sat alone looked
around.
but if the upper berth goes, what's
to become of the lower berth?" he
asked.
The stout man stared at him.
why, the lower berth will stay, of
course"
The man who sat alone shook his
head.
1T can't" he gravely said. III
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

for an inspiration, ana saw something
that looked like a sawed of aiyship
coming across the parade ground, and
to change the subject, and to make
conversation, I yelled, Look, who's
here" and then everybody looked at
the airship.
The kaiser said, "Vot iss,' and as
the ship came nearer, and he saw the
cowboy with blue shirt and white
hat, he thought it was the tri-color Of
France, and he begun to turn pale
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
TURN ABOUT FAIR PLAY.
But Somehow Mrs. NewIywed Couldn't
See the Point.

A young friend Of mine, jolly, con-
vivial sort OF chap, got married re-
Gently, and at the end of the first
week, upon receiving his salary of $40,
he went home, gave his wife $18, and
kept two for himself.
OF course, she thought that was love-
ly, but to her establishment at the
end of the second week he handed her
only two dollars, keeping $40 for him
self.
Nov, see here, john" she said, in
dignantly, "how do you suppose 1 am
going to manage on two dollars a
week?"
Il don't know, am sure, my
DEAR" he answered, sweetly. II had
terrible time Of it last week, my
SELF"
Gee, but wasn't he the mean old
thing!-Seattle Argus.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

around the gills., and then he saw Pa
at the steering wheel, and he asked
what that was, and l said it looked to
me like bag of dynamite, and then
the kaiser said to the troops, "Choot,
choot, like der devil" and then the
war commenced. More than a hundred
shots were fired at the gas bag, and it
began to sink to the ground, from the
escaping gas, and the cowboy threw
out the drag rope and shouted, Grab
hold of that rope, you schultzenfest,
you," and they grabbed the rope, and
the airship was landed, the cowboy
said to the soldiers, "It's a wonder
you fellows, with the squirrel rifles,
wouldn't be little more careful where
you shoot, for you came near spelling
a good Stetson hat, putting bird shot
into it,
The gas all escaped from the bag
and it was fiat on the ground, and Pa
got out of his steering seat, and went
up to the kaiser and said, What do
you clod-hopping farmers mean by
shooting at every airship you see?
Pretty soon airship touring will be as
dangerous as automobiling. Now, get
move on you and let those military
masqueraders help get the bag and
the frame to the nearest railroad sta
tion," and Pa glowered at the kaiser
as though he would eat him.
Gee, but the kaiser was hot under
the collar so that the heat almost
fried the eggs that stuck to it.
ARREST these dynamiters, that have
attempted to assassinate the emperor"
said he, and the soldiers surrounded
Pa and the cowboy and put bayonets
against their pants, and were march
ing them off to prison, when I rushed
up to Pa and said, Don't be afraid, I
will rescue you, I, your little Hennery,"
and Pa stopped to get look at me,
while a bayonet went through his
pants leg, and he moved on saying,
"Hennery, why do you keep such COM
pany, when left you in nice hotel,
while I visited Turkey. You make
your Pa weary"
Then I followed along and told him
tAO ~ Oety AIaA Az ClIC C1Odh Will luC
egg sandwich on his chest, was the
emperor of Germany, and he had got
his foot in it by landing on the I'M
perial parade grounds, which was q
crime that would cost his life. me,
too," said the cowboy.
Then the kaiser asked me who the
wicked old man was and l said, II
cannot tell a lie. He was my father,
spare him for my sake" and the
kaiser, as he flecked some dry egg
yolk off his collar said, rs dot so. We
will kill him for my sake. you bet
your life," and the prince said, "Will
dot skin you, you young crazy Ameri-
can hazer, and l don't ever go to
American college, dom site,"
The prison closed on Pa and the
cowboy, and we all started for the
palace, when the little prince I had
leen so kind to, in giving him college
degrees, said to servant, take this
chump to the kennel and give him
some dog biscuit, and let him sleep in
a dog house, already"
And there is where I threw up my
job preparing prince for college.
Copyright, 1909 by w. G. Chapman)
Copyright in Great Brittany
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
Pill 8

II have suffered with piles for thirty.
six years. One year ago last April l be.
gan taking Cascarets for constipation. In
the course of week noticed the piles
began to disappear and at the end Of sin
weeks they did not trouble me at all.
Cascarets have done wonders for me, I
am entirely cured and feel like new
man." George Kryder. Napoleon, O.
Pleasant. Palatable. Potent, Taste Good.
10c, Csc. Soc. Never sold In bulk. The GEN
uine tablet stamped c c. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back. $40
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

there's no upper berth there can't be
lower berth. Don't you see?"
Il see," replied the stout man, and
he picked up his paper and he lapsed
back into silence.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

The end of ones ambition becomes
merely the means to a greater effort.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
The Old Maids Chance,

no Old Mald's Chance.
DO you ever lose that umbrella Of
yours?" asked the maiden.
mo, l DON'T" replied the man,
sternly; "the person who takes that
umbrella will have to take me-"
do I understand that to be a pro-
posal of marriage or a threat ?"--
YOnkers Statesman.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

To keep friends, treat them kindly;
to kill them, treat them often.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

New Works. Building Operations.
1t is estimated by New York build
er that there are buildings under con.
struction in the city which will aggre
gate in value more than 500, Oo0. 600
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

WE BUY CREAM-WRITE FOR PRICE
Miller & Holmes st. Paul. MINI.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

MILTON DAIRY CO., ST. PAUL, MINI.
Are heavy cream buyers. Get their prices
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

Mans virtue rests on temperament;
Q woman's solidly on soul
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

No man will become a drunkard II
he knows how to make home run.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

PILES CURED IN TO IA DAYS.
tAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any case
q Ichng, Blind, Needing or Protruding Piles in
90 II days or money refunded. 800.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
Bank Balance and Independence.

Bank Balance and independence.
Business women have evolved the
idea of saving, and the thrifty incen.
tive was not inspired by their broth
ers, but rather envelops the girl with
pendence which evolves tn; girl with
5000 or $500 to her credit and spurs
her on to add more and mvre to the
reserve.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

We buy cream. Write desk No. 3 for prices.
CRESCENT CREAMERY CO., ST. PAUL
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
PLEASANT FOR DAURER,

Sign Painter Ito Dauber, A. N. Az
Hello, DO! It's great to meet up wild
one of de perfesh out here in de
wilds!
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

Nine men out Of possible ten wear
a sad look after they have been mar.
ried year.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

IN Bronchial and Lung Troubles. A sim
pie remedy. Is cents a box. Samples sent
free by John I. Brown & Son, Boston, Mass.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31
Many are called, but few get up.

Gee Whiz Syrup has butter-scotch fave
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-03-31

Poorest for Invalid.
In making a gift for an elderly per-
son or invalid the comfort of foot
stool or footrest should not be over
looked. A carpet remnant Is excellent
for this purpose, or the sound parts
of wornout rug or carpet may be
utilized.
US. Sheep Dip. Only 75cts Per Gallon
N. w. Hide & Fur Co., Minneapolis, MINI.
Travel expands the mind. but con.
tracts the pocketbook.
Take me home to pancakes, says Canada Sap.
Revenge is sweet to the sour
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
ACCOUNTING ITCHING.
Eczema for Year-Got No Relief
Even at Skin HospitaI-In Despair
Until Cuticura Cured Him.

Il was troubled with a severe itch.
Ing and dry, scrufy skin on my ankles.
feet, arms and scalp. Scratching made
it worse. Thousands of small red PIN
pies formed and these caused intense
itching. I was advised to go to the
hospital for diseases of the skin. did
SO, the chief surgeon saying: 'Tnever
saw such bad case of eczema" But I
got little or no relief. Then tried many
so-called remedies, but I became so
bad that I almost gave up in despair.
After suffering agonies for twelve
months, was relieved Of the almost
unbearable itching after two or three
applications Of Cuticura Ointment. I
continued its use, combined with Cuti.
cura Soap and Pills, and I was com.
pletely cured. Henry Searle. Little
Rock, Ark, Oct. s and 10, 1907"
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
LOOKED A LITTLE UNSTABLE
Body Servant of Gen. Malone Doubt
full of the Qualities of His
Masters props"

Gen. Adalbert R. Burlington, at q
dinner in Madison, N j., told a num-
Der Of civil war stories.
Gen. Malone" he said, "was very
thin. One cold and windy December
morning in ga he was taking a nap in
his tent when his old colored servant,
Uncle Davy,' tiptoed in, and, STUN
bling in the darkness, knocked down
the generals folding cot and spilled
him out on the frozen ground.
Gen. Malone jumped up furiously,
seized scabbard and made for Davy.
Davy ran. The general gave chase.
Uncle Davy tore up hill and down
dale till he was pretty well out of
breath; then he looked back over his
shoulder at his master, who bounded
after him on slender limbs, blue and
thin, his long, while night shirt nut-
tering in the chill morning.
"'Fo' de lan's sake, Mars William
the exhausted Davy yelled, desperate
ly, 'yo' hain't trustin' yose'f in dis
wind on dem legs, is your"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
GOOD CONDITION
BEFORE LANDING
Before and After Anxious Time
for Raiser.

Both before and after lambing is an
anxious time for the sheep raiser, as
he stands to lose considerable or to
gain a great deal.
Much is written about the treat
ment of ewes after lambing and too
little is said about giving them extra
care beforehand.
If the eve is thin and weak the
lambs always make bad start, for if
the milk is deficient both in quantity
and quality they are badly nourished.
II only one is to be raised it may sue
coed better than twins, but even a
single lamb will have a hard time of it
IL the eve is poor.
l know there is danger in having
some kinds of stock too fat at the time
of producing their young, but very
few ewes suffer from that.
1t is most undesirable to have the
strength of the eve impaired at this
time, as strength is needed to lamb
successfully and condition is wanted
to provide amply for the lambs. For
this reason it would be well to put the
breeding ewes under careful surveil-
lance for time before Landing.
A heavy coat of wool may give them
a fat appearance. but if the bones are
prominent it is not a good sign. Elk.
ira care and superior food daily are
really necessary If one would be quite
sure the ewes are in proper condi.
ton.
1t is much chepear and more salts
factory to do this than to make great
efforts to improve them afterward,-
w. r. Gilbert.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
The Delirious Kind

H. K. Adair, the detective, was be-.
ing complimented in Grand Rapids
about an absconding banker he had
run to earth.
"Oh, the man gave himself away"
said Mr.. Adair. He SHE'D too much.
Everything seemed, in his morbid
mind, to point suspicion at him. He
was like the old wildly woman.
AN old wildly woman went to the
undertaker's to order coffin for her
deceased husband.
He was very, very. very good to
me- she said. And I'll have a coffin
of the best yellow pine
Yes, madam. That'n be $14. said
the undertaken. And what kind of
trimmings will you have on the cot.
fin?
'Trimmin's!' cried the wildly
woman. And right well We know, We
spalpeen, that I'll have no trimmin's at
all when it was the trimmin's that the
poor lad died of. bad luck to emil
Detroit Free Press.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23

In the first place, spreading manure
from a wagon is a dirty and disagree
able job. In the next place, it is ut
.erly impossible to distribute the ma
nure evenly by this method.
BY the use of a spreader man can
get over a great deal more ground and
he manure will go very much farther
because 1t is evenly distributed.
If you will observe the meadows
where you have distributed manure by
The forkful, you will see that field
presents spotted appearance, the
grass being rank in those places where
the manure struck the ground, but
scanty and sparse where no manure
reached it.
BY the use of a wagon a man must
stand on the manure while distribut-
ng 1t, and the starting and stopping of
The team takes time, and altogether
the job is unsatisfactory.
With a manure spreader all that is
necessary is to back the machine up
next to the back OF the barn under
the stable window and empty the ma
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23

In WEAVING Pigs-Take them away
in attachments. beginning first with
two or three of the plumpest, largest
and strongest; then the next strong
est batch, leaving the poor ones Of the
litter to complete the drying or
The boar ought always to be kept
in a pen by himself, preferably away
from the other hogs. He should have
a good-sized yard in which he can ex-
ercise.
If allowed to run with the other
hogs he is likely to injure them badly.
Keep him thrifty, but not too fat, or
his get will be puny.
Good pigs are not grown and fat
tened on wind and water.
Good breeding and good feeding are
so closely allied that they must go to-
gether. One is useless without the
other.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
United States Postage Stamps.

Uncle Sans postage stamps are
manufactured by the bureau of en-.
craving and printing at Washington:
the stamped envelopes and newspaper
wrappers are made under departmental
supervision, under contract, by a pri.
vate corporation whose factory is To-
waited at Dayton, o., while his postal
cards are made under similar condi.
lions at Rumford, Me. From these
points distribution is made to post
offices throughout the country upon
requisition of postmasters. Postage
stamped paper issued during the year
aggregated $176,974, 19O.24, an increase
of 1885,, 1887 over 1907. The total
number of pieces of stamped paper
was 9,772,059. 664. an increase of 440.
14O.6OS; books of stamps, 1S,213,31O.
an increase of 526.510. That the issue
of postage stamps will cross the ten
billion mark during the fiscal year
1909 is confidently anticipated.-A. l..
Lawshe, in National Magazine.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
A Test of Friendship.

Just before Artemus Wards death
Robertson poured out some medicine
and offered it to the sick man, who
said: my dear Tom, 1 won't take
any more of that horrible stuff
Robertson urged him to swallow the
mixture, saying: do, now-there's a
dear fellow-for my sake. You know
I would do anything for you.''
Would you?" said Ward, feebly,
grasping his friends hand for the last
time.
Il would indeed" said Robertson.
Then you take it!''
Ward passed away few hours aft
erward.-Recollectio Of the Ban.
crofts.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23

Sheer white goods, in fact, any fine
wash goods when new, owe much Of
their attractiveness to the way they
are laundered, this being done in a
manner to enhance their textile beau
ty. Home laundering would be equal
ly satisfactory if proper attention was
given to starching, the first essential
being good Starch, which has sufficient
strength to stiffen, without thickening
the goods. Try Defiance Starch and
you will be pleasantly surprised at the
improved appearance of your work.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23

bare spots and shut off where not so
much is needed.
There are plenty of two-horse ma.
nure spreaders, but most of them re-
quire three horses and sometimes
farmers use a double team for the
purpose. A good form of spreader is
the wagon box type 1t is simply a box
fitted with the machinery and which
will go onto your wagon trucks. They
are quickly attached and are light and
handy, because they will go anywhere
that wagon will go.
These wagons can easily be handled
with two horses. A good way to use
this spreader is to have two supports
on the outside of the barn near the
window upon which the box spreader
is placed. But better way is to
suspend the spreader from supports
by means of ropes and a pulley and
when the box is full run the trucks
under, let down the box and drive off.
These machines are somewhat
cheaper than the regular spreaders,
the difference being from $40 to $50.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23

The extraordinary popularity of fine
white goods this summer makes the
choice of Starch matter of great i'm
portance. Defiance Starch, being free
from all injurious chemicals, is the
only one which is safe to use on fine
fabrics. 1t great strength as a stiffen-
er makes half the usual quantity of
Starch necessary, with the result of
perfect finish, equal to that when the
goods were new.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1909-06-23
No Butler for PneurItch.

We'll have to get butler, you
know" said Mrs. Pneuritch.
What for?" asked Mr.. Pneuritch.
well, to look after the wine cellar.
and
Not much, Priscilla! I'm capable Of
looking after the booze myself"
"a butler lends dignity to an estab-
lishment, too"
well, when get so hard up for
dignity that 1 have to borrow it from
a butler, I'll quit and go back to the
retail grocery business. You manage
the hired girls, Priscilla, and I'll at
tend to running the man part Of this
shebang."