Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-10-07
An Expert Paper
Hanger
Merrilegs Can't Be Beat at the Job

"Ha! ha! hal" suddenly cried Mr..
Merrilegs.
He cut deep cash in the wall pa
per that adorned the hall of his apart
ment and as he laughed he tore off
large triangular piece of wall paper
ut reminded one of certain type of
man eating piece of pie) and looked
exceedingly jocular.
what are you laughing att" asked
Mrs. Merrilegs.
II am laughing" said Mr.. Merrilegs,
because feel so good. The pattern
of this paper has distressed me for so
long that laugh at the prospect of
an early relief"
"Ycu picked it out" unused Mrs.
Merrilegs, "just the same"
II laugh as WE'LL" said Mr.. Merri-
legs, with dont-interrupt-me wave
Of the hand, Eat the landlord who re-
fused to repaper the hall, and 1 laugh
at the paper hanger who wanted $1S
for job which l am doing for less
than Sc. Is the paste ready?"
call ready" said Mrs. Merrilegs.
BE careful, Charles, of that knife"
Don't you worry about that knife"
said Mr. Merrilegs, slashing away at
the paper in professional manner.
II know what I'm doing"
II don't know what would happen to
me-" said Mrs. Merrilegs, "if you were
to stab yourself, Charles"
Nov, I'm not going to stab myself"
said Mr.. Merrilegs. $50 don't you get
me nervous"
And so saying, Mr.. Merrilegs
stabbed himself briskly in the palm
of his hand and Immediately an up
roar arose in the Merrilegs apart
ment.
Perhaps" said Mrs. Merrilegs when
the excitement had abated to point
where Mr. Merrilegs suffered his
hand to be bound-"perhaps it would
be better, after all, Charles, if we let
the paper hanger finish it now"
The wounded man arose from his
chair in way that would have been
an inspiration to any designer of
jack-in-the-boxes.
What" he shouted.
"Sh!" said Mrs. Merrilegs.
II won't 'Sh!'" shouted Mr. Merri-
legs; 81 won't 'Sh!' Here I've gone
and got the wall paper and the brush
and mixed the paste and everything
and bought paper hangers knifa
(drat that paper hangers knife, and
first you make me cut myself and
then you just as good as say that l
don't know how to paper the hall, any
how, and that I'd better quit and turn
it over to someone who does-or cant"
He stopped because he was quite
out of breath. Tears of self-pity al
most stood in his eyes.
"And that" said he, with fright
full motion of despair to the cuckoo
clock, which pointed at half past
four-"and that is all the thanks 1
get!"
"Cuckoo!" said the clock.
"Now, Charley" said Mrs. Merri-
legs, you know / didn't mean it that
way at ALL"
Mr.. Merrilegs held his injured hand
at prominent angle, as one who
would say, See how suffer for my
country!" and he looked like a man
who might forgive (if he were suffi-
GENTLY coaxed) but who would not for
get.
"And if you think you can finish it,
continues Mrs. Merrilegs, why go
ahead and finish it-and welcome"
ooh, I'll finish it," said Mr. Merri-
legs. Don't let that part of it worry
you for moment. I'll finish it all
right"
Il would" said she.
81 WILL" said he.
And, bouncing up, he bounced into
the hall and slashed away in a grim,
grim manner that BODIED equally i'll for
wives and wall paper in halls.
If" began Mrs. Merrilegs. follow
ing him.
eff you will kindly do me the favor
to go away out of this hail." said Mr..
Merrilegs in that tone of extreme
courtesy which a husband never uses
except when he is on the point of Gre
ating a disturbance, 81 will go ahead
with the papering. Otherwise not"
eff you will let me help you,
Charles" began Mrs. Merrilegs.
"You wouldn't help me- said Mr..
Merrilegs bitterly. "You would hin.
der me-
"At least"
"Will you go out?"
Charles"
"Will you go out? say!"
"Listen-''
WILL YOU GO oUT?"
And seeing, at last, that he was
made of the same sort of stuff as Tell
and Washington and Bruce and Mel.