Evening star., 1909-04-18

tnihR as poise vaudeville, the player
doing the coaching makes a funnel Of his
rough, soiled. perhaps unmanicured hands
and bawls out to the man at bat: 'Aw,
tsay. there. Butch. can that stuff o.
lookin handsome. will you? Bend over
an take a healthy swing at it an peel
batsman, You're there wit the big one
yet. bo. an now show these tiddledy-
winkers that y can knock any board
y'r lamp, tsee?'
That, OF course, IL perfectly impossi-
BILE conversation-impossi mean.
from the angle Of view Of polite base
ball. It SHOULD not be allowed hence
The coaching player. In encouraging the
man at bat. should put 1t something in
this wise:
Dear old chappie. 1 dislike to ven-
so distinguished a member Of the pro-
fession to which have the honor to be-
long. but I think 1t will be apparent to
your keen intelligence tnat at this criti-
cal. l might say crucial. juncture of the
game 1t Is imperative that something be
done to add ad1posity to our score and
1t Is this consideration alone which in
cites me to depart from my habitual reti-
cence for the purpose of imploring you.
II it be at all possible, to cause your bat
to come in contact with the spheroid in
such wholesome, earnest fashion as to
cause the great desideratum-namely.
hit-to accrue 70 US now. Immediately.
you not. dearest Of old chappies?'
II guess there wouldn't be tang or
anything to that way Of putting it, and
that's exactly the way it should be put.
and will be put, under the rein of polite
base ball, IL l can boost the new idea
along.
'Supposing. too. a fly ball from the
bat makes for neutral territory, or In
between gardens, so that two outfelders
fan ln6
same time. Under the present coarse
and common regime, the player who is
nearest to the descending fly ball gen.
orally sings out something low and graf
that's muh- or Gitt away, you-Im
right under IL. or something tawdry and
rough of that kind.
Call Of the outfielder.
When the same situation came up In
polite base ball, the two outfelders. be-
fore starting simultaneously to gather In
the rapidly descending ball, should call
out to each other, in a soothing. ladylike
tone, I shall endeavor to get 1t. my dear
felow!' This, at the very outset of their
scamper for the ball. you see. would serve
as sort OF ointment or unguent to
balm the feelings OF the two outfielders
The player who feels quite certain that he
Is entitled to catch the fly ball descend
ing in mid-territory should call out, I am
very confident now. my cherished friend
In the profession. that my propinQuity
or contiguity or juxtaposition to the fast
descending ball will enable me to reach
a point directly under 1t with considerable
more velocity and safety than will fall
to your portion, which is the only reason
why I am beseeching you-and with no
unworthy or selfish motive, believe me-
to permit me to catch 1t, will you, please,
my good friend?'
That's the way that play ought to be
pulled OF. II. in the meantime the fly
descends between the two outhelders.
them are standing and engaging in polite
conversation. why, that's not to be
helped. Far. oh. far. far better to have
the departmental usages, the tang and
tone of the polite game preserved, say I,
than to have any cheap. trifiing fly bali
caught to an accompaniment Of unduly
hasty movements, and perhaps unbecom-
ing language on the part Of two outfield-
erS.
1.-The batsman would be required, under
the rule OF polite base ball. to pay the
strfctest attention to the rules Of deport-
ment. for he is under the steady gaze of
the fans, you see. and he should do moth
ing to offend their sensibilities and at
the same time to disturb the equanimity
Of the catcher or umpire.
For example. supposing very high
ball flung by the pitcher is declared by
the umpire to be a strike. The non
OSudtQIcO, uuIudu anu IQcreIOf6 coarse
ball player of the present british period,
IN such circumstances. Is pretty apt to
turn around to the umpire and say to
him in low. II raucous and Irritating
tone: 'Aw, tsay. " big lump O. Sweitzer,
whatchoo been doin' wit them w1cks O.
your'n? Couldn't y tsee tnat that one
was way up round me necktie?
That, I leave 1t to anybody, Is de-
grading. unnecessary and wholly Injurious
conversation. Under the rule of polite
base ball. IL the batsman felt required to
say anything at all to the umpire in
such case, he should be compelled to
express himself something like this:
Il beg your pardon. Mister Arbitrator.
for seeming to doubt the acuteness Of
your vision, nor would I do anything Of
that despicable character. knowing, as I
well know. how many years you have
spent in officiating nobly and we'll as
an umpire. But do you not really think.
as between man and man, that that one
was-er-well. not to put too fine a point
upon 1t. just trine too close to the
ceruiean. or. II you prefer. to the maza-
rine sky?
IT'S coming, all right. this polite base
ball thing. Me for it. I'm going to
boost 1t along. It we can't have Iadyiike
ball / don't want any, and IL we don't
have It I'll pick UP my doll rags and
beat it,