Gilpin observer., 1909-10-21
HIS SHOPPING TOUR
GUS GOES FORTH BRAvELY TO
MATCH HAIR RIBBON.
incidentally He Utters LibeIs on the
Methods Of the Fair Sex, But
He Came Home Without
the Ribbon.

Dlt you erer vent shopping? So
dit I.
My wife tolt me to run drough der
big stores und get her paber Of pins
und match hair ribbon. l asked her
ef she hat any faforide store. 20,
yess." she said; for trink of water
go to Macyheimer's, but Fieltmar-
shalls haf more plate glass mirrors
in der elevator" So l questioned her
vich Won haf der best free lunch. She
said lunch serted was not free, but
ad Frillsky & Cuttingham's dere wass
a sale of dog biscuits redoozed to nine
cents. vich wass almosd Citing dem
away. und blease don'd cad dem all on
der way home.
She startet me away, fairst locking
up my library-I mean my pocketbook
und check book. I dink she wass afrait
voult buy Something's instead of shop
ping. She said she vantet me to shop
like pairfegt lady.
By der retail distrigt l looked der
windows in to witness der styles in
pins und hair ribbons. Ad Won blace
quite crowt of women wass Watching
window dresser. I stoot und watched
iiiiAi' Soo, pulp dCl, lie Ldl dlTtduy lu-
ished dressing und wass putting on
hiss coat
vent insite. heard some girls
holler "Ca-a-ash!" 1 knew dey ditn'd
mean me. A man nit polished man
ners and badness stepped himself up
to me. 'Vot iss diss?" said. "It is a
department store" he said. "Haf you
fire sale to-day?" l asked him. Yes,
SIR" he said.
Den direct me blease to der fire
department."
So he tolt me to step to der dirt
izzle to der right. dismount der escala-
tor to der basemend, walk arount der
COLT fish tank, use der elefator to der
sefent floor, go drough der trating
stamp ofss, den backwards down two
fits of stairs to der men and boys
cloding, crawl under dree tables full
of misfits, find der fourt window from
der wropping desk, gif my name un-
der references to der cashier. open
der window and chump ouid. He said
voult be yust in dime for der after
noon demonstration of der $3.50 life
net, was s9.SS.
tanked him init tears in my face
und followed hiss DIRECTIONS until
fcunt myseluf in der lost department.
II want to match diss." l said. Dey
must haf tott I meant my breat be-
coss dey sent me to der delicatessen
department. we're dey hat Neufchatel
! cheese NIT Swiss embroidery. We're
iss der hair goots?" l said to girl. II
want to match a hair ribbon"
You don't want the hair goods de-
partment." she said. you want the
match department" Ven l found i'd
tolt dem l wanted a paber of pins to
match my wife's hair So dey sent me
to der hair pin department. Ven got
dere asked dem to blease show me
paber of hair ribbon, und dey sent me
to der paber department. Und dere l
tolt dem l wanted ribbon of matches
to pin on my wife's paber hair. but
dey tried to sell me a safety match
ven vot wanted wass a safety pin
no, I mean a paber of ribbons-vell,
anyhow, ditn'd get it.
So tolt dem to sent id.
Vile / was dere dey hat an hour
sale hour sale iss we're you haf to
wait an hour for your change. Eff you
gife dem a fife tollar bill i'd comes
back so changed you don'd know id.
But / cheatet dem. I vent away mid
oout my change.
But a voman-ven only shopping
vouldn'd spend a tollar bill eff it i'd
wass printet in disappearance ink
Brooklyn Citizen.