Staunton spectator and vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1896-1916, 1909-01-29
A PIRATE'S|
TRAGEDY
BY Max AdeIer.

When Mrs. Jones looked out Of the
window she saw a lot of men carrying
her oldest boy, Aleck, up the front
yard on board, while Bill, the young
est boy, walked by his side. When
they brought Aleck in, and Mrs. Jones
got good look at him, she began to
cry. He was drenched from head to
foot as if he had been in the water.
His cheeks and his chin and his upper
lip were red and swollen to an enor
nous size; a huge patch of hair was
gone from the top of his head, and he
had general appearance of having
been banged and battered in most
frightful manner
AS soon as Aleck was placed CON-
fortably in bed, Mrs Jones entreated
him to tell her what was the matter;
but Aleck only rolled his head mourn
fully, to indicate that he couldn't COM
mand utterance. Turning to Bill, who
looked as If he had been run couple
Of times through thrashing machine,
Mrs. Jones said:
William, tell me this instant what
is the matter with Alexander"
well, you see, mother-you know
the Dixon boys, and the Ferguson
boys, and the Cadbury boys, and
whole lot of fellows, they said would
mt it be good thing to turn pirate
and have a high old time sailing
around and not going to school? So
they agreed to turn pirate, and they
asked me and Aleck to join the band,
and we did. Jim Dixon, he said all
pirates have boards, and so he gave
us some ointment he got from a man
who said it would produce whiskers
on the smoothest face in two days. So
we all rubbed it on, and that's what
swelled my face and Alexis so. All
the boys faces are swelled, and Joe
Cadbury says his father'll lick him
like thunder.
so, when we were initiated, and
me and Aleck had learned the grip,
we cut across Potts orchard toward
the canal, and Potts dog he got after
us. and Jim Dixon appointed me and
Aleck a rear guard to keep off the
dog while the pirates retreated And
the dog he came so savage at me and
Aleck that we climbed up a tree, but
the limb broke and we fell right on
the dog.
so we up and ran; but just as we
got to the fence, the dog nipped kleck
by his trousers, and tore the whole
thing away from the suspender but
tons down to the knee. But the other
pirates hollered for us to come on, and
We went. and they were just going to
charge on an old canal boat in the
canal. There wasn't anybody on the
boat; but Sam Snyder he, fired
brass-barrel pistol so as to pretend to
XIII the captain, and the ball Clipped
the skin off of the end of Alexis
nose.
so when the pirates got aboard,
Jim Dixon appointed A1eck first mate
and ordered him to go down inside of
the boat to see how much gold was in
the locker. There were no stairs, so
SAASJ ~ ~AASSh uOWA Will d TOD6, anu
when he got down he said there was
nothing there but mud and water.
But the next minute he began to
scream. and we looked in and saw
Mrs. McGrady's goat, that has been
lost for two days, 'butting Aleck
through the mud. He would rear up
and butt Aleck, then he would draw
back and rear up again, and butt
Aleck, until Aleck didn't know wheth-
er he was pirate or a Sunday school
scholar. And Sam Snyder aimed at
the goat with his pistol, but the goat
suddenly switched around, and the
ball cut Aleck a little on the knuckles.
SO we passed a rope down to Aleck,
and hauled in on him and got him on
deck good deal discouraged and out
of wind. Aleck wanted to play some
thing else but pirate; but Jim Dixon
said our glorious career had hardly
begun, and he'd be ashamed to be a
baby
so Jim appointed Aleck a commit
tee of one to go down and fix a slip
knot over the head of Mrs McGrady's
goat, so as to pull the goat up; and
Aleck, he said he wouldn't go. So
Jim he assembled a court-martial, and
they decided that Aleck should be
compelled to walk the plank for dis
obedience of the head pirates orders.
And then they run out a board over
the edge of the boat and began to
shove Aleck along 1t, but he kicked,
and bit, and scratched; and, while
they were a-fghting, Aleck fell over
board. Sam Snyder grabbed for him
as he went under, and pulled out a
couple of handfuls of Alexis hair, but
he sunk, and he'd "a drowned if Jim
hadn't tossed the rope to him
$50 they pulled Aleck aboard; and
Aleck, as soon as he came to, he made
dash at Jim, and somehow, dunno
how it was, all the pirates got into a
scrimmage, and, as 1 was trying to
pull Aleck away, somebody hit me in
the nose; and then a couple of men
came along, and the pirates ran away,
all but me and Aleck, who they had
to carry home on a board Isn't that
so, Aleck?"
Aleck grOaned groan of assent,
and then Bills mother hustled him off
to bed. The Joneses are thinking
about suing the Dixons for assault
and battery upon Aleck committed by
the piratical Jim.