davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
WHEN YOU WEEP.
Tho Way That Tears Act Upon the
Human Organism.

s'dHa'
Professor Waynbaum, NJ D., of
Paris publishes some queer facts re-
gnrding the nature and purpose of
tears. coming to the conclusion that
tears. act upon the human organism
"like chloroform. ether or alcohol"
"Whcn human being gives way to
SORROW" says DR.. Waynbaum, 1.-The
blood pressure in the brain decreases
The tear helps in this process, which
benumbS the brain for the time being,
causing passiveness of the soul al
most approaching Indifference.
Tears are blood, changing color by
their passage through the lachrymal
glands. One can drown his sorrow in
tears as one can benumb his senses
by the use of alcohol or drugs. When
n person cries the facial muscles CON
tract and the appearance of the face
changes, which action facilitates the
white blood letting, driving the blood
particles into the lachrymal gland,
from which they issue in the shape of
tears.
Children whose nervous system is
particularly tender derive great ben
eft from crying occasionally The act
of crying relieves their brains. The
same may be said with respect to wo-
men,"
The professor likewise explains why
laughter sometimes produces tears.
but the. explanation is too technical
for reproduction.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
A Good Qualification.

The mystery of the negro mind is
illustrated by a story which the Phila-
delphia Record prints. John. the col
ored applicant for the position of but
Ter in family living in one of the
fashionable suburbs of Philadelphia,
strove to impress his would be en-
ployer with his entire fitness for the
place"
''Oh, yes, suh." he said, "I's sholy well
educated, sub. rs passed 4 civil serv-
ice examination"
Indeed" responded the gentleman
that is very fine. I'm sure, but
can't say that that will be of any par
ticular value to me in butler"
MOP" said the surprised applicant.
"It shore is strange how gemmen's
tastes do differ. Now, Mr.. Williams"
naming his former employer, "he say.
John. one thing deman' is civil
service to nah guests an he done
gave me n Examination ri there. sub,
an that's the truf.''
Then the gentleman saw great
light. He replied:
Yes. you are quite right, John
Civil service is Il very important and
rather unusual virtue, SO if you have
passed that examination think We'll
consider you gagged"
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The Fare.

This is how driver Of the prison
van, known as Black Maria, distin-
guished himself. A would be wit on
the cauSeway hailed him:
"Got any room inside, Roberto"
'There's room for one" replied the
driver. 1--WE KEEP it for you."
Not entirely disconnected, the wit
made another shot
whats your fare?" he asked.
The answer entirely extinguished
him.
Dread and water-same as you had
acknowledgements Weekly.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
How He Knew.

A ragman who was gathering IN
wcrnout clothing in the country pur-
chased pair of discarded trousers at
farmhouse and remarked to the man
of the house as he paid for the stuff
he had bought:
II see. sir. that you are about to lose
your land OH Il mortgage"
"GueSs you are right said the dis
couraEcd looking farmer, but will you
tell me how the Sam Hill you found
that out?''
Easy enough" said the cheerful
ragman as he settled back on the scat
OF his peGdlinS wagon. Il notice that
these old pants are completely played
out. so far as the part of 'em YOU sat
down on is concerned. but they show
mighty little wear anywhere else."-
Exchange.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The SIeepina Sickness.

The terrible sleeping sickness of
tropical Africa is discussed at length
in an article in Popular Mechanics.
The disease. which long bafiied scien-
lists, is spread by the tSctse fly, Il
bloodSuc!iing, day flying insect. On the
approach of either man or animal ut a
river crossing in the dcnsest forest
the victim is soon scented out by the
fly, If there Is one III the vicinity, and
then, either silently or with pcevish
buzz, it makes straight for the most
accessible spot and gives its stab.
The usual course of the disease is
from four to eight months. At the
outset there are headache, Il fcvcriSh
condition. laSSitude ana q correspond
ing Discrimination to work. The facial
aspect changes, and previously happy
and intelligent looking negro becomes
instead dull, heavy and apathetic.
Later, trcnor in the tongue develops,
speech is uncertain, and mumbling,
walk ShuiIling and progressive weak
ness, drowsiness and oblivion to his
surroundings atilict the sufferer. The
last stage is marked by extreme emn-
citation and n coma deepening into
death,
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Disease Scents,

Every disease almost has its pecul-
lar odor,", said doctor. ."rhis odor
helps us greatly in diagnosis.
"Gout imparts to the skin smell
precisely like whey. Diabetes causes
sweet, honey-li!ze smell. Jaundicc oc-
casions smell Of musk. SmalIpox
has a very strong and hideous smell.
1t Is like burning bones. Measles has
smell as of fresh pluclled feathers.
Ihe fevers have the most distinc-
tive odors. The odor of typhus Is
ammoniacal; that of intermittent Is
like fresh brown bread hot from tho
oven; that of typhus is musty, recall
ing to the mind old, damp cellars: that
of yellow fever is like the washiucs
CT dirty gun barrel
so, you see. to speak OF n doctor
seeming our disease is not to use Il
mere figure of speech"
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
A Surprise For tho Thief,

Herr Hagcr, a rich and influential
banker. frequently had watches picked
from his pocket. At first he had re-
course to all kinds of safety chains;
tnen one morning he took no precau-
tlon Whatever and quietly allowed
himself to be robbed. AT night, on
returning from his business, he took
up the evening paper; he uttered an
Reclamation of delight. A watch had
exploded in mans hands. The vic
uns hands We're shattered and the
left eye destroyed The crafty bank
er had filled the watch case with dy-
mantle, which exploded in the opera
ton OF windiEg.-London Telegraph.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The Doeskin Wouldn't Go Round,

ne DoSskln wouldn't Go Round.
Hungary swarms with barristers. 1t
Is the greatest ambition Of the Hunga-
rian peasant to make one Of his sons
an advocate
The son of n small farmer in the
neighborhood of Budapest was sent by
his father to the law school of that
town. but either from lack of parts
or the necessary application he was
plucked in the qualifying examina-
ton.
Not daring to return to the paternaI
abode empty handed after all the mon
ey that had been spent on his cduca-
ton, he conceived and executed the
plan of forging legal diploma The
father was not, however, so ignorant
as not to be aware that such diplomas
are always written on parchment
kutya-bcr (dogskin)--in Hungary.
why is your certificate not made out
on kutya-ber?" asked the old man,
The fact is, father" coo1ly replied
the youth, "there are more barristers
than dogs In Hungary, and so there is
not enough kutya-ber to make diplo-
mas for us all.''-London Answers.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
a Doo Story

AT farmhouse at which we have
been staying Il terrier. Rough shares
always his masters first breakfast.
the bread and cream accompanying n
cup of tea. Three corners he breaks
of and gives to Rough. who eats the
first two. Off the third he ticks the
cream, then carries the crust to Il
hen who each morning comes across
the field where the fowls are kept
and at the gate awaits her friends ar
rival. Should others of the hens an
pear, Rough "barks them off, while
his favorite devours her portion. -
London Spectator
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
a Difficult Task.

one or the greatest puzzles, said a
member OF parliament, is how to CON
Seoe the most worthy and honora BILE
Intentions TO an opponent, how to pro-
less an answering and unfadirg be-
let IN his uncompromising veracity
and bona fides and at the same time
TO convey distinct conviction that he
is an impostor and a humbug of the
hrst water and an accomplished Ana
MAS carrying Il welter of thirteen stone
seven pounds in the mendacity hapdi-
cap.-London Opinion,
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
GAVE THE ANSWER.
A Soldier Who Followed the Orders CT
General jackson.

Illustrative OF the eNasperating ease
with which chickens occasionally come
home to rooSt'' is this story from "a
Soldiers Letters TO Charming Nellie"
On day in June, 1862, in the early
part of the civil war General Hood OF
the Texas brigade halted each regi-
ment in turn and gave his orders. To
the Fourth he said:
Soldiers OF the Fourth, know as
little of your destination as you'd If.
however, any of you learn or suspect
1t, keep it secret. To every one who
asks questions answer, 4 don't know
We are now under the orders of Gen
eral jackson, and I repeat them to
you"
General jackson also gave strict or
ders against foraging, but apples We're
plentiful, and it was contrary to nature
for hungry soldiers not to eat them.
and so it came about that on the
march to Staunton General Jackson
came upon Texan sitting on the
limb Of an apple tree busily engaged in
filling his haversack with the choicest
fruit.
The general refined in his o.sa sorrel
horse and in his customary curt tone
asked:
sir:"
Il don't know" replied the Texan.
"What command do you belong TOP
81 don't know"
''Is your command ahead OF you or
behind you?"
81 don't know"
Thus it went on, 81 don't know" CIV
en- as answer to every question. Final
~ Jackson asked sternly:
''Why do you give me that answer
to every question:
"'CauSe them's the orders our gen
eral gin us this mornin', an he tole
us he got 'em that err way straight
from ole Jackson" replied the man in
the tree.
Disguised with n too literal obedi-
ence to his own commands, but yet
not caring to argue the point, General
Jackson rode on.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
From Medicine to the Drama.

The earlier part of Nictorien Sar-
dou'S career was bcSct with many
trials and difficulties. His parents
wished him TO take up Il medical ca
rccr. and he began his studies with
some zeal. The love of the drama,
however, was far greater than the
love of the pill box. and in the inter
val of the other work Sardou was
busy upon play. Life was Il Struc-
gle for him. for he had little money.
though he managed I" get Journalistic
work to supplement his more slender
income. His first play was n failure.
and Sardou rushed from the theater
NoWlng never 1" enter one again. lie
1cli seriously i'll. was nurs2d back to
health by Mile. dc Brccourt. an ac-
trcSS who lived on Il floor below. and
from that time his fortune was made.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
FLOWERS OF SPEECH.
An En9lishran's Address at a Ladies'
Seminary In Siam.

The influential! Englishinun in Siam
battered himself that he had q very
decent knowledge of the language and
already ordered coffee from his hotel
waiter with success and asked the
boy to bring up his boots
Now, Influential Englishmen in
Siam are not as common as cock
reaches, and that afternoon the dis
tinSuished visitor was requested by
a friend to deliver an address on
England" at the only ladies' sem
mary in the country. Confidently he
accepted.
He began famously. Every one ap-
plauded and smiled. But gradually as
he proceeded he noticed CONSERVATION
overspreading the countcnances Of his
listeners.
whats the trouble?' he whispered
in English anxiously to his friend on
the platform.
TROUBLES" exclaimed the friend hot
ly. why, the trouble is what you
are saying"
But" protested the speaker, 81 am
saying. 4 am delighted to see so many
young ladies' rising to intellectual
heights, with fine brains and large
appreciation"
"oh, no, you're not" corrected the
friend. you're saying. 4 am pleased
to see so many small lionesses grow
Ing large and fat, with big noses and
huge feet" "-London Tit-Bits.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Cause of Fatty Heart.

The great danger from obesity lies
in The liability of the fat to invade the
cellular clements of the body, especial
ly the muscles. This produces fatty
degeneration of the muscular tissues.
which greatly weakcnS and impairS
their functional activity. When the
fat invadcs the tissues of the heart
muscles the disease known as fatty
dcgcncrat ton of tho heart" results, and
the patient is in serious danger. When
ever Il slight additional strain upon the
circulation results from undue eXer-
else. excitement or other cause the
muscles interfere with the hearts ac.
ton, and it is liable to cease beating.
Anaemia and hystcria often are accom-
pauiments of obesity. Because of the
increased weight and difficulty of
moving about such patients are pre-
vented from taking an ordinary
amount of exercise. Often. too, there
are lassitude and 4 positive dislike
for muscular eXertion of any kind
What to Eat.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The Great Cire,is

The famous Coliseum in old Rome,
massive as it was, was mere toy in
comparison with the great circus,
which filed the valley between the
Palatine and the Aventine hills. The
Coliseum is said to have been able to
seat $4,000 people. while the seating
capacity of the great circus was at
different periods. 10000. 100000 and.
lastly. 100000 spectators. The great
circus was probably the most stu
pendous building ever erected for pub
lie spectacles.-New York American.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
A ONE NIGHT CONVERT.
Incident In the Temperance Career of
Father Mathew.

Father Mathew.
In 1913, when Father Mathew was
crusadiEg for total abstinence in Lon
don, he created no small amusement
for large party at the hospitable
mansion OF an Irish nobleman by his
attempts, partly playful, but also part
ly serious, to make q convert Of Lord
Brougham, who resisted good humor-
edly, but resolutely, the efforts of his
Jealous neighbor. The incident is re-
lated by Katharine lyman in her biog-
raphy of Father Mathew.
II drink very little wine," said
Brougham. "only half glass at lunch
con and two half glasses at dinner.
And, though my medical adviser told
me should increase the quantity, 1
refused to do So"
He was wrong, my lord, for adj
vising you to increase the quantity, and
you were wrong in taking the small
quantity you do" said Father Mathew,
but have my hopes Of you.'
And so, after a pleasant resistance
on the part of the learned lord, Father
Mathew invested his lordship with the
silver medal and ribbon, the insignia
and collar Of the new order of the
Bath
''Then will keep it." said Brougha m,
land take it to the house. where I
shall be sure to meet old Lord - the
worse for liquor. and will put it on
him"
The announcement of this intention
was received with much laughter, for
the noble lord referred to was notorl-
Gus for his potations.
Lord Brougham was as good as his
word, for on meeting the veteran peer
he said. Lord -, I have a present
from Father Mathew for you." and
passed the ribbon rapidly over his
neck.
'Then I tell you what It is. Brough.
am. I will keep sober for this night"
was the peers unexpected response
And he kept this VOW, to the amaze
ment of his friends.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Just His Luck.

William. Freddie informs me that
his teacher has decided to advance him
from the sixth to the seventh grade
owing to his fine department and his
pTaiseworthy attention to his studies"
'Pshaw! That's just my iuck.'
why. what makes you say that?"
Il had it all figured out that 1 was
going to be about SO ahead at the end
of this month. Now it will be ncces-
sary to buy Il new set of sChoolDooks :"
Chicago Record-Herald
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Distilled Water

Distilled water after having been
exposed to the air is one Of the most
salubrious of drinks. Its daily use in,
measured quantities is helpful in
cases of dyspepsia and greatly assists
the general functions of the body. Ey-
cry large steamer carries water dis
tlillnG apparatus by which sea water
Is made fresh. In the DAYS before
steamers primitive distilling apparatus
was used on warships and vessels car
rying passengers.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The Invisible Point.

1t was an awfuNy old joke. but the
American thought it might cause his
English friend to generate smile
Just before l sailed for Liverpool"
said the American. Il dreamed that !
was dead. and the heat woke me up
500 rejoined the Englishman seri-
ous!y. The weather must be beastl-
bot in America" -CEicago News.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
a Friend In Need

About half &n hour had been OK.
pended by tho bashfui Young man in
series of advances and retreats and
httie I"hnny'S cranlpcd position be-
nina th" sofa was becoming some
what painful.
Il wish darCd''- the young man
commenced on Il new attack. when the
couple wcr" electrified by an impatient
exclamation behind them: LAW, make
Il break! She's dead sy."-Brooklyn
Life
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Literary Irrigation.

orr latest novel seems very dry,"
sald the reader of the publishing house
10 The young but rising author.
was pretty sure You would saw
mat reJ"IHed the author "Conse-
HuehtiE II You will count them YOU
WEI hnd til" heroine wceps real tears
on lHSt 2.'3 pages Of my story."-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
A Tremendous Task.

$50 you are going to study law"
eyes"
"Going to make Il speciality of crimi-
nal law?"
mo"
Corporation law"
mo. Both are too easy. What I
want is to be accurately and reliably
informed as to what months in the
year and days in the week it is per
mitted to shoot certain game in the
various sections of the counsrv."-
Washington Star
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
The Other Wav-

Il heard that Ranter broke down in
the middle of his speech the other
night said the man who was kept at
home by Illness
Not exactly replied the man who
was there. The meeting broke up
right in the middle of his speech."
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Needed a Starter

One night little Margaret. on knenY-
Ing By her mamma to say her prayers.
finished. Now / lay me-" and forgot.
Mamma" she said, you lust start
me. and then I can go a-whizzing."-
Dclineator
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Corporation lawn
A Patron of Art.

$50 you enjoy reading all the extrav-
hsant praise that is printed about that
opera singer:''
Yes. answered Mr.. Cumro1, 1T
KIND of helps me to feel that maybe
those tickets were worth what l paid
for 'cm.''-W-ashington Star.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Poor Jones!

Missionary-Can YOU give me any in
formation about Deacon Jones. who
lhbored among Eour people three years
ago: Cannibal-Well. the last l heard
about him he had gone into ccusunp-
tton.-Judge.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Wasn't a Beauty.

Tired Traveller TO barber)-Spendinc
the night in sleeping car doesn't i'm
prove ones beauty. does 1t? Barber
l don't know what you looked like
when you started, but guess you're
right--Harper'S Bazaar.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Sleepless.

Blobbs-Why don't you consult !,
doctor about your insomnia? Slobbs-
what! And run up more bills? WHY.
IT'S because of what 1 owe him now
that can't sleep.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Demand the Union Label.

Label in your hat?
Label in your shoes?
Label in your clothes2 .
Label on your cigars?
Label on your tobacco?
, Label on your printing?
Union barber shave you?
. Union waiter attend you?
Union bartender serve you?
Are you union man at an7 Or 90
you only carry car62
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
InccnS iStent

hoWeii - Howell is an inconsistent
tei!""r loWel!-Ihat'S right: he would
toll Won take all the time Won vented
and then have yc. arrested for staoI.
ing his watch.-N2w York Press
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Luck.

do you believe there is anything IL
iuckE'' asked the young man
YES answered the home grown
philosopher. There is i lot of inte!li-
gence and perseverance in it.''-Ex
change.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Reasonable ENOUGH,

What's your objection to the farm,
mister2''
The land appears to be sunken."
Ent- that's owing to the heavy
crops Herald.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07

venezuela received its name from
.he early Spanish residents. who saw
In 1t resemblance to Venice.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Public Opipio,

The single Snowflakc-who cares for
II: hut whole day of Snowfakes-
who does not care for that? Private
opinion is weak. but public opinion is
almost omnipotcut.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
A Postal Deficit,

Pa. what is meant by the postal
deficit?"
The things your mother always for
gets to put on 4 postal card."-Detroit
Free Press.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Wanted Full Credit

Nov. my little man. you are accused
or striking another boy and KNOCKING
out one of his teeth,
Scuse me, jedge, two of his teeth y,
Life
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07

In SaXony no one Is permitted tc
shoe horses unless he has passed
public examination and proves that :.e
IS properly qualified.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
Qualified,

Caller-1s the lady Of the house IN?
waitress (who has been given notice.
She's in, but she's no ladyt-Lffe.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07
When He Eniove Ao.

Does your husband enjoy his homo.',
1es.whenever I want him to take
me 10 the theater.'-Cleveland Leader.
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07

The world is upheld by the 7eracity
OF good mep.-Emerson,
The labor argus. [volume] (Charleston, W. Va.) 1906-1915, 1909-01-07

Wolfs!1in makes the best banjo
parchment.