davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Once in Athens, Greece, whence
come the hero stories and the men
who sell dusty candy on the street
corners, lived George F. Socrates, the
champion heavyweight philosopher of
Parthenon county. When he came in
to the grocery of the Miltiades Bros.
and reached into the cracker-box, all
the other hands were hastily with
drawn.
One evening when Soc returned
home from his daily toll at the store
and began to pare his stone-bruises on
the front stoop, he said to his wife,
Xanthippe:
KAN"
Hush up, you old loafer.'
"Tve been looking into the future
and figuring out how things are going
to be hereafter. In the language Ten
nyson has not yet used;
IL nave dipped into the future far as
human eyes could stand,
Seen the folly of the world and other
things to beat the band.
81 have glimpsed a finish for old
Aunt Grundy that is a fright. OF
course, looking through the pages OF
future history, l have found myself
an immortal"
whats her name?" asked Xanthip-
pc, reaching around for a stove lid.
II mean l have found myself to be
an immortal. But l don't choose to be
one. / don't want to live forever in
this ravine of snivels. There'll be too
much to try a sane mans patience
along about 1900 Ami Domino. l
see and here he forgot entirely his
delicate task of sole-paring, and his
eyes became ~clairvoyant. Il see di-
r~ectoire gowns and wireless telegraph
and afinities; / see everybody dodg-
ing automobiles and occasionally a
poor dodger that doesn't make it; l
see monkey dinners and thumb-print
signatures; / see great fortunes won
by some men because the others were
too dense to see how to keep them
from it; l see the autocratic ruler OF
an empire told by his popularly-elect-
ed parliament to keep still except I'M
der proper surveillance, while the
head of a certain republic dictates to
his popularly-elected lawmakers such
laws as they are permitted-nay, COM
pelled!-to make, and tells his people
whom they are to select as his success
sor in office: I see robust constitutions
following the flag into cannibal islands,
even as red liquor ard millinery fol
low the missionary into darkest AT
RIGA and other places on the rural free
delivery routes; I see childless women
who are proud of it, carrying poodles
and Teddybears with goggles on in
strange vehicles that leave a wake OF
smell; / see people with enough mon
cy to feed the people of a whole state
for ten years, struggling and deceiv-
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
His BiLliken
BY Judd Mortimer Lewis.

II have got to get me a Billiken,"
said Jinx, as he stopped to kiss his
wife good-by before starting for his
office last Monday morning.
So far as Jinx' remark went it
landed properly, but as Mrs. Jinx at
the moment Of the aiming Of the kiss
took a sudden notion to turn and as
certain If it was possible to see her
self in the mantel mirror across the
hall, the kiss drew a moist line across
her starboard cheek, lodged beneath
her ear, and exploded ~innocuously in
her back hair.
And what in the world is a Bill
ken?" queried she, turning in a light
ming effort to catch the already un-
puckered quicker of Jinx' lips.
you don't mean to say that you
don't know what a Billiken is? A
Billiken is a sort of a good luck idol
carved out of ivory or celluloid or
soap or something w examined
m closely-and it perches on your
desk and grins perpetually with so
contagious a grin that everyone near
it's perch grins in sympathy. 1t is an
insurance against a fool woman turn
ing her head just as her husband is
about to kiss her. If a Billiken had
been perched on my desk yesterday
when we went to visit our folks in the
country / would not have been butted
into the hog lot by the goat, chased
beneath the barn by the old boar, nor
would l have played a hole in the
ground for a c%otton-tail and drawn a
polecat; and you would not have pur-
chased another merry widow last
week when you already had a pillbox
and a sun-kissed that you had scarce
ly worn"
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

alls Is rushed on board and trouble be-
gins at once Things are pulled to
pieces here and there, dirt cover the
decks, men are hustled about and in
many cases driven from charge.
The families and friends Of the crew
come on board in great numbers only
to find themselves out OF place, and
this soon brings complaint and discon-
tent. II it be winter, and this vas the
case with the Atlantic feet, the suffer
ing Of the crew is great, not only from
cold but because the decks cannot in
many ase be scrubbed and the dirt
accumulates until both the officers and
men are ashamed Of their ships, and
well they may be. People sometimes
wonder at the number of assertions in
the navy. If they knew the conditions
as / know them, I think the wonder
would be that there are not more. The
old hands, who have seen service and
know what discipline means, have the
happy faculty of making the best of
what they know will be a short pc
Rod of much discomfort and dirt, but
the new ones who come to the ship
for the first time naturally assume
that this is the normal condition of
ship life and many Of them Jump" at
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
DIRT MAKES SAILORS DESERT.
Fighting Bob" Discusses the Horrors
Of the Dry Dock.

With the ships crowded into the
navy yards for repairs, the officers and
men found their surroundings most
uncomfortable. AS many as possible
were sent on leave, but the remaining
ones had a hard time Of 1t, says Rear
Admiral Evans in Hampton's Broad
way Magazine. Above all things, an
American bluejacket likes a clean
place to eat, a clean place
to sleep and a chance to keep
himself clean and smart; in other
words, he loves a clean ship, and he
is unhappy if ne cannot have 1t. That
these conditions should always prevail
on a vessel CT wal goes without say
ing, but it is a fact, which lone can
deny, that they do not exist or a yes
sci under repairs at a navy yard; the
conditions are such as to render clean
Illness and comfort impossible.
A ship goea to the navy yard spick
and span--eyerything clean and neat,
and the men happy and contented;
then q gang of workmen In dirty over
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Unthrifty One Found He Was Not
Built for Saving.

The Unthrifty One drifted into the
savings bank and up to the paying
teller's coop.
"Mornin'," said he, leaning both
arms conversationally upon the mar.
BILE slab and pressing his forehead
against the iron bars. You don't re-
member about a year ago. fellow that
came in and said he wanted to start a
savings account-fellow that looked
like me?"
Sure" said the p. t., you're still
looking like yourself, too"
..That savings account was to be the
nest-egg of my fortune" continued the
other, Nthe small beginning that
should land me on Easy street for life,
the wall between me and old mar
Want by the time my capacity as a
wage Garner was put on the bunk"
Sure" said the p. t. again.
WELL remarked the Unthrifty One,
taxing breath, 4 regret to report that
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

The drummer placed his hand on his
bald spot and caressed it reminis-
Gently.
Florida and California may be all
right for raising vegetables in a hur.
ry, but if you want to see crops get
right up and hump themselves go to
Kansas. Trains runnin' through Kan.
sas have big signs up in the cars
warnin' passengers not to throw any
thing off the car. Why? Because
they've found it amt safe.
Il was travelling through there last
July and was standin' on the rear
platform with an old fellow from Paw
paw Junction, Tennessee. When he
thought nobody was looking the old
fellow peeled off a big squash seed
poultice from his shoulder blade and
tossed it overheard. Just then the
conductor came out and saw it.
Hi, there, what was that?" says
the conductor.
Nothing but a squash seed poul-
tice," says the old gent.
Great Scott" yells the conductor.
"a squash seed poultice! Don't you
know that is a penitentiary offence?
The law says distinctly that any man.
woman or child who throws, heaves,
casts, hurls or otherwise dumps a
squash seed poultice upon, into, under
or about the right of way of any rail-
road in this state stands liable to con-
viction and sentence to five years in
the pen. Did you know, that, sir?"
The old gent said he hadn't thought
to post up on Kansas law of late and
couldn't say positive.
That's the law, sir" said the con;
"but we'll say nothing this time
providing you lay low and sneak out
of the state inside Of three days
Well, next day / went back over the
same route. They had a 'snowplow on
the engine.
Whats that for? Had a blizzard
east?" says /.
"Worse!" says the conductor.
Eyes, some s~apheaded idiot threw
a squash seed poultice out on the
track yesterday and now the tracks
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Dreu Out the Nest-Egg

as a pecuniary poultry-producer I'm a
shine. In short, l am"
Am what?' asked the patient p. t.
short. I'll have to gently slip that
nest-egg out from under the protecting
feathers of this dear old bank-hen.
viii you kindly make a noise like your
title?"
The paying teller shifted the air
once or twice, and then, gathering up
a pile of bills in n hand an a lot OF
silver dollars in the other, he asked:
"And will you have your eggs hard
boiled or soft?"
Scrambled. please" said the I'm
thrifty One, and the teller showed out
five silver dollars and five paper.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
the first opportunity. The wonder to
me is that more of them do not desert.
Prominent woman suffraaists.

Mrs. Millicent Garrett Fawcett is
the only woman who has ever been
asked to address the University De
batting society at Oxford. At the re-
quest of the students she took woman
suffrage as her subject. At the end
Of her speech a resolution in favor Of
woman suffrage was put and lost by
q majority of Is. There is a rumor
that Mrs. Julia Ward Howe will in
the near future receive a similar invi-
tation from Harvard. Those who pre-
tend to- be informed assert that Har-
wards majority against woman suf-
frage would be many times greater
than Oxford'S.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Lawyers and physicians in New
York are trying to bring about legisla-
ton which will do away or at least
minimize the evils of the so-called lex
pert" testimony at trials. Experience
shows that expert evidence practically
serves no other end at present than
to impede justice and cause delays at
once useless and expensive to the
state, as both sides can provide Eek
perts'' to give Numerically opposite
testimony, until the practice has be-
come a legal nuisance, if not some
thing of a scandal in, the administra-
ton of justice.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
With the Worlds
Great HumoriSfS
Selections from the UvrifineS Of the BeSf KnosOn
Makers Of fIr1b.

Slipped on the dewy grass OF the
lawn and pushed his face v%iciously
into the soft loan OF the flower ped.
AS he marched into the house to re
make his toilet Mrs. Jinx was tactfui
enough to refrain from all remarks.
81 must get a Billiken or take out
some accident insurance." gritted he
when once more on his way. with
a Billiken on my desk this morning
would have been an altogether differ
ent affair"
AS Jinx slipped into his office coat
and approached his chair he stopped
at the sight of an impish little figure
perched by the side of the letter tray.
mister Dingbustit, where your wife
trades, sen it to you with his com
pliments Saturday after you went
home" explained the office boy.
"And it has been On my desk since
Saturday."
"Yes, sir"
Carefully Jinx lifted the Billiken be-
tween the thumb and f%orefinger of his
right hand, tiptoed to the window and
dropped it on a momentum gathering
flight of IA stories to the sidewalk
below; then turning to retrace his
steps he fell over the ~wastepaper bas-
ket, knocked a h~undred-dollar type
writer from it's spiderlegged desk to
the floor.
AS the wreckage was being restored
to order the elevator boy left his cage
long enough to run across the hall and
inform Jinx that a concealed assassin
had hurled a Billiken at his, Jinx,
partner as he was about to enter the
building, and had hurt him so badly
that he would probably be laid up for
a week.
Jinx looked at the ga%zelle-eyed
stenographer for a moment, con-
sidered the youth and purity of the
office boy, clinched and unclinched his
hands, and said: "Oh, fudge!"
Copyright, 1909. by w. G. Chapman.)
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

for a fact! l recoflect how my wife's
first husband came blame nigh bein'
killed by a pumpkin INT afternoon
down there. Seems like he'd got in it's
way when it started CROWN good and
1t run him a quarter of a mile. He
saw it was goin' to land him SO he
lodged an tn internal thing went
right through the side of a new barn
and killed tn best heifer on the place!
Yes-Kansas is no SLOUGH when it
comes to CROWN crops lively."
After a brief wait the drummer
arose and went outside where he was
heard communing with himself Sc
verely.
Copyright. 1909. by w. q. Chapman.)
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

cipline of children and those same
childless ones changing their resi-
dences because a family with young
g has moved into the same fiat:
Say, Kan, is there anything to drink
about the house?"
Nothing but some old hemlock, ex-
ira dry"
Bring me the bottle. Thanks. Now
get me that vial of prussic acid as a
chaser. After seeing all those things
in the future, / want to make a sure
job of it. Tia, ia, Kan. / want you
to marry again. so somebody will be
sorry I'm dead"
Copyright, 1909. by w. G. Chapman.)
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Festivities in Prison.

To show the humanity of the Dan
ish authorities a Berlin paper pub
fishes a picture which was taken in a
Danish prison or Christmas eve. 1t
shows the conyicts seated at a table
decorated with a miniature Christmas
tree. Among those at the board are a
number of men in ordinary citizens
clothes, who seem to enjoy the repast
with their uniformed guests. A large
Danish flag hides from view the bars,
behind which the group is seated.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Government experiments may solve
the problem of preventing explosions
In coal mines. If human care and fore
thought will only cooperate with sci
ence in the great art of prevention, I'M
avoidable accidents will be reduced to
an appreciate minimum. But the first
element of the combination is the one
on which least reliance can be placed.
The tendency of human nature, re-
marks the Boston Herald, to take
chances rather than to take trouble
is the hardest obstacles which pre-
ventive science will ever have to over
come.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

A young woman passenger rescued
from the Republic wore a cloak over
her night dress and shoes without
stockings, but clasped tightly in her
hands a bunch of violets that she had
fingered long enough to save. Con-
slider the possible man involved in
that incident!
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

advance. | shall rent one this noon
when / go out to lunch"
AS Jinx took a backward step back
ward toward the steps he landed on
the cat, and, in an effort to be as easy
on pussy's ribs as possible, got his
feet pied and caromed off the steps
into the rose-tree which he neatly
split by striking It smartly in the
crotch with his chin. Then as his
glasses flew from his nose and he
made a desperate grab for them,
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Many Bicyclists IN Japan.

Japan makes 10000 to $4,000 bicyc-
les yearly and also imports 10000, be-
sides separate parts enough to make
3d. 900. The country now has $4,000
in use. mostly for business purposes.
The demand for tires is 200 pairs
daily, two-thirds Of which : i'm
ported.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Lord Northcliffe, the great English
newspaper proprietor, was so inn
pressed by the attractiveness of the
gray squirrels in American parks that
he took home a number of pairs to be
liberated in England. If he is per-
mitted to land them it may still hap
pen that in a country where they are
strangers, and where, therefore, their
natural enemies have not developed,
they may become as great a nuisance
as the English sparrow here and the
rabbit in Australia. Transplanting
animals is always somewhat risky.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

"Aerogram" is a fairly good word. 1t
signifies wireless message. Science
has added many words to the Ian
guage within the last few years. A
Rip Van Wrinkle, returning to-day,
after 20 years sleep, would have much
TO learn In the way of common speech.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

An artist who left Philadelphia 40
for himself has returned to this
try from Paris at the age of 60 to
marry the sweetheart of his youth,
she having obligingly waited for him.
He told her he would not return until
he had succeeded, from which it may
be assumed that he considered it more
desirable for her to marry the artist
than the man But oh, how slow
those Philadelphians are!
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
students at Princeton.

Princeton university this year has
& total enrolment in all departments
Of 1914. This total is divided as
follows: Academic department, 625;
school Of science, 533; graduate school,
81; special students, ETC., IS. The fac
nifty and administrative officers num-
Der 219.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Baby Has Full Set Of Teeth.

A months old baby with a full set
of small but perfectly developed teeth
caused a sensation at a recent meet
ing of the Vienna Medical society.
The premature appearance OF teeth
has been known before, but in this
case the child is normal in the devel-
opment of bones and hair and in nutri-
ton, a healthy boy Of normal parent
age, and the doctors are at a loss to
explain the 20 fine teeth.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Death from starvation was the YER
dict at a S~horeditch (England) inquest
on a woman match seller named Up
ton, aged GA. Her husband said he
was 81. and they had only 80 cents a
week to live on.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Boxes for cigar and cigarette ends
have been placed in Berlin cafes and
public buildings by a charity organi-
cation, and enough money is expected
from the sale of this class of refuse
to feed and clothe 1928 children dur
ing the winter months. What becomes
of the stumps is a secret fortunately
kept from the smokers.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

The regents Of the University of
Minnesota have ordained that all con-
tracts with members of the faculty
shall expire when teachers reach their
sixty-fifth birthday. Next June, it is
said, half a dozen old gentlemen will
call the class roll for the last time, I'M
less they have before followed the ex
ample of their president, DR.. Northrop,
and sent in their designations.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
A Medium Sized Journey
By Strickland w. Gillian.

ing and crushing others to get more
money, though they do not intend to
feed more people with it; 1 see men
of literary aspiration telling other
folks how to acquire wealth and merit
and wisdom, while some of those same
writer men are themselves half-fed,
erratic and personally worthless; l
see spinsters and bachelors writing
learned treatises on the care and dis
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Gracious! Why don't you buy you
a Billiken?"
IF l were to buy one 1t would spoil
the charm. The person who wants a 1
Billiken rents it for 100 years at the
rate of one cen a year, payable in
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

During the year ending last month
there were 4S5 new electric plants put
into operation in the United States,
Canada and Mexico, which makes the
total 5,49S.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

In an article on the danger OF long
hours in druggists shops H~ygienische
Z~eitschrift says that during the four
years ending July, 1907, Ii dispensing
assistants in German drug stores CON.
mitted suicide and seven others at.
tempted, but failed, to kill them
selves.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

If these men who pretend to deter
mine the height of mountains keep
varying the figures, some of them are
likely to prove scientifically that
Pixies Peak is a hole in the ground.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

A Wisconsin woman who broke her
arm set it herself. Next thing the pub
lie hears from a of such self
as this will be hat she
closely examined a cut On the back of
her neck,
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Funny thing about our withdrawal
from Cuba is that the new republic is
now able to have all the cock fights
and bull fights it wants, and we don't
dare to say a word.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

The spelling reformers have put out
another list of mangled words. Where
is the Society for the Prevention OF
Cruelty to the English Language?
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

The management of the steam roads
entering Paris is considering a prop
osition to electrify all lines for some
considerable distance into the suburbs.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Alligator" is merely another form
Of the Spanish Eel lagarto," the lizard.
Shakespeare classed the alligator as a
fish.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

The wireless heroes are having
poetry in bulk written about them. But
that is among the penalties of all
greatness.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Some Pumpkins
BY Norman II. crowell.

are under a three-foot layer of squash
-Hubbards at that! We've got a hun
dred dagoes up ahead trying to keep
the line clear, but we'll run this pillow
a week to be safe!"
The drummer sighed and a wizened
up chap with a goatee coughed
slightly.
Things do grow amazin' in Kansas,
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Decline of Merchant Marine.

During the month Of August 80 ves-
sells entered the port Of Buenos Aires,
1 not one was American.
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05

Remember the Maine" has now
been changed to Remove the Maine"
The Tupelo journal., 1909-03-05
Wireless telegraphy has been win.
ming victories that have made 1t ia.
nous the world over.

Daily health hint: Do not attempt to
dispute the right of way with a deter.
mined woman armed with a hat pin.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-04

The poets section Of the Ladies Lit
erary club VIII meet tomorrow after
noon at 8 O'Clock at the Jessup home on
0 street Miss Jessup viii give paper
on Keats, and there viii be several
readings.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-04

Carleton T. Hatch OF Coldwater.
Mich, is in the CITY. a guest at TIE home
Of Mr.. and Mrs. Martin y. Rsthboue.
sIr. and Mrs. Thomas P. Seldom an