The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-21
SMUG CITIZENS
 IF PARCHMENT ExaSperating Teachings of
 C9ntented Souls WITH PLENTY OF MONEY
Bore You to Death With Hand-Me- Down Advice About How to Save a Few Thousand and Get
 on Easy Street.
From the Boston Herald.

From the Boston Herald.
 "Djevver notice' said the man with his overcoat collar up around his ears, "what nuisance that friend of yours is who has saved up few thousand bucks after years of scrimping? l say nuisance because he's not content with saving himself. He wants you to save. He demands that you save. He pleads and expostulates with you to save. He bulldozes and bullyrags and browbeats you on the saving question.
 You don't envy him his hard wrung couple of thousand at all. You're glad he's got it. But you don't feel that a couple of thousand saved up with such bitter effort would be of any use to you yourself. You don't want savings wrenched and dug out of the ordinary comforts of life in that way. And even if you had the couple of thousand, why, a still small voice tells you that you'd be pretty liable to blow it in within a month or so anyhow. You're quite content if he'll only keep still about it, if he'll only consent to take away that noise that he makes about why you, too, ought to get on your saving clothes.
 But he won't. No. sir, he will not. He refuses to. He's going to keep right at you about saving. He's going to force you to see the advantages of saving.
 And he's got a thousand ways of tack ling you. Hes with you, for example, when you buy three cigars for quarter.
 Say. that's rotten extravaganza, you know, says he, as he sinks his teeth into one of the three for a quarter smokes. Perfectly rotten. Where dye expect you'll pull up if you keep right on hurl- ing your dust in like that? Well, I know, but l won't say Id hate to say. Dog gone 1t all, 1 will say it-you'll pull up in the poor house, that's where you'll pull up. The idea of chueking in two bits for three piffing smokesl You must be insanel Hub! Look at me! l smoke stogies. Get a hundred of em for hum dred cents. And they're every blame bit as good as these three for a quarter things. Fellow gets used to 'em, l mean. q rather be smoking stogie right now, as a matter of fact, than one of these fool things Now, think what you could do worth while with two bits. Why that's the interest for a year on $5 note at per cent You're playhouse, that's all. You'll never have anything. You'll die q bum. You hear me a-talkng? fs f"Wen, you tell him mildly That that's all right; that if you're destined to die a bum, as lhe predicts. why, you'll be able to cast back and reflect upon the fun you had out of the game But this makes him snort. He snorts in fact, at every reason you give him as to why you desire to blow in your own coin after your own ideas of coin blowing. He's one of the busiest little snorters l know, a matter of fact
 "Or maybe he'll get at you with refer ence to the clothes you wear.
 Say, you, how much did that fool Johnnie off the Pickle Boat suit of clothes that you're sporting set you backY' he asks you fiercey.
 You mutter something about 30 bucks.
 Fifty iron men for that mess of togs that makes you look like somebody try ing to make hit with himself hey?' he chops then. Fifty bones for that suit, hey? Well, that sure is to laugh. It's to laugh. 1 mean, to think that there's a man on earth that's so pinheaded. Say, you see the suit that r m wearing now, don't your
 You do. You don't tell him what you think 1t looks like, because you don't want to hurt his feelings.
 We'll, he goes on, dye know how many winters I've got out of this suit? This is the fourth winteri And what ye think I paid for it? Hey? I paid SLABS for this suit of clothes, and I'll get still one more winter out of it. And say if at this minute it doesn't look every bit as good as that fifty-buck suit you've got on, why, I'll eat it. that's what I'll do.'
 And so he keeps on barking. He hears somewhere that last night you dropped II simoleons playing poker. He holds you up about that the minute he meets you. 
 .''Still tossing your kale at the birdies, hey?' he says to you. Say, 1 thought you were going to flag that poker stuff? !? Didn't you tell me that you were going to stick all of your poker money hence- forth into that building and loan associa- tion I was telling you about? Well, you tell him that, yes, you really | had intended to get into that building | and loan association, but that you met up | with gang of the fellers that had lit- | tie poker fiesta arranged, and that you | only soughed off a few men, anyhow, l and that you had lot of fun out of it | and therefore you're not kicking, and so | on. But does that take him off of you? | Nix. Never, nix.
 "Sometimes he takes another tack.
 Look adhere, how old are you getting | to be nowadays, young feller?' he, in | uuires of you You tell him, "sUh-huh, says he Well, you're not | exactly the kidet that you used to be, | are you? Not the infant prodigy that you were 10 or 15 years ago, huh? And under stand that you're living right up to every cent you make. Now, that's fine show