The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1909-10-26

it such shreds of character as the
| other fellow may have left and lei
him do likewise with yours.
"When nothing else will do, rig up
YOUR Esuuimos and trOt them IN. Ana
| mind you, there must come your
prettiest piece of work of all. 1t Will
be no easy matter to find men to fill
hat bill. All, there, We've got 70
PUNK down heavy. The white VII
nesses you can pick up for n old
thing. But them Esquimos Will jar
the bottom penny in your pOcket. Men
who can be wise as serpents ana
look innocent as can't be fOund
in a cow track. To get the right
| stripe we shall have to go to the &C.
tors or better still, the politicians.
| Other men may tell a lie as we'll or
nearly. but for looking your duadrau-
| plex lie in seven languages give me
your Observation-Disclosures
politician every time. e thereH
come the riggin up, the painting, the
stuffing-'
THE language. There you GO
again. Drat the language. What does
the American public know about
Esquimo elaboration? Let our Esqui-
mos learn by heart two misfit lines OF
a Mergenthaler and be glib with EN-
| and they'll bring down h house
and have the saVants gOin' to school
to them.
but the smell. All there's the
| strong point. What does the public
or anybody else know about an Esqui-
mo but that they jabber, wear furs.
smell bad and eat ta1Iow candles? To
tell the truth, what in the demnition
does an Esquimo know about himself
but that? The politicians nose may
be a trifle red even for the artic, for
the glass is a demned sight better
painter than the blast. But noses
are cheap. noses are cheap. Well
replace EN- on a pinch!
.Sleds and dog? Pish. The pound
and the department store are chuck
full of 'em. Two dollars will buy a
sled. Lend it to a twelve year OLD
boy a fortnight and it will look like
it's been to both poles. The dogs can
be had at the pound for the taking
away. They must be big and shaggy.
That's ALL"
"Of course, the first Esquimo TO
pop up will back you; the second n
the other fellow; the third you; the
fourth him, and SO on"
"Esquimos rank on candles. Poll
ticians can't eat candles YOU say?
Mine will be made out of chewing gum
and hollow, denned hollow.
Politicians can chew gum, yot.
say? Them candles'll be loaded.
They'll be munched. They'll be
munched.
"To come down to business, Wen
keep the press hot, red hot. Well
get a billion dollars worth of free ac-
vertising in reading matter, reading
matter right at the top of the pags
every demned word of it, too. Wen
keep the whole world lively, Lively
us a S~uffragette convention, we Will.
And while you are filling the
papers We will be filling our pockets.
Well be raking. in the ducats FOR
newspape articles, magazine articles
and lecture engagements. Or rather,
Well hold the bag. The ducats will
do the rolling in.
Before things begin to cool we will
have rushed our Esquimos through
school and college. They will prove
geniuses, prodigies, of course
Homers, S~hakespeares, Gibbons, OAR
wins. Burkes, organs, etc, etc. Presto,
they'll begin to spout. Esquimo poe
try, Esquimo history, Esquimo science,
Esquimo ~eloquence, Esquimo every
thing will squirt from EN- like beer
from a bulged key. And the wise men
will come from the east and the west
to catch it. And it will be f1rst-class,
too. I'll have some bright fellows to
make it tip top and knock the socks
Off Of Shakespeare, Homer and those
old mosS-backs.
Zee Wn1Z! w men the ESQulmO fel-
lows come in the ring writing articles,
writing books. 1%ecturing, then we will
have h world on q swing. you bet.
You'll all be in such demand to write,
lecture, attend banquets, receive dele
cations and confab with the wise men
hat [ shall have to get up dozen
or SO doubles for each one Of you.
But that wont be hard. For we must
fill the demand and fill it promptly.
punctually and in a business-like way.
Long before this we will have
given the apers such a Doom that we
can force 'em to divide the swag-in
parlor chat. to subsidize US. Well
do it or shut and Dust the last blamed
one of 'em Tbap uvba1 oyary+b;,o