Arizona republican., 1909-02-15

nowned James J. Jeffries to issue firm tn seclusion iv his saloon an put a head on tn Senegambyan. So intent were tn people on their bar barous pastimes that tn full name iv tn prisident at tn time has been lost All the historyan can find about him is that his name was Teddy an that he spint his time shootin hippy potty- muses in Africa, lavin' tn conthrol iv tn counthry to wealthy malyfactors who had put him into office. He was succeeded by an effyminate charakter who is now recalled only because he consumed forty opposums Gan extinct marsoopyaD in forty consecutive days an played a game called bumple- puppy, which consisted in apparently purposely missin' a small gutta perchy ball placed on pile iv sand. All that is further known about this charakter is that he was called Big BilP an is said to have weighed four tons. Tn most prominent citizens iv tn decayin' raypublic besides James J. Jeffries were T. Longboat, Andhrew Carnaygie an Lydia Pinkham Everywhere was public an private corruption. low ann bitions and base amusements. But amidst tn riot iv corruption a few points stand out in contemporary lithrachoor to show that there were pure men an women maxim tn brave battle fr tn. human race. Tens iv thousands iv sufferin people were cured iv incurable diseases be usin' Befoolim. a remedy entrusted to tn wurruld be an old Indian herb doc pf unknown philanthropists at a dollar a bottle MillyOns iv dollars were given away annually be tn promoters iv miniR' schemes; an there arose in tn city iv Chicago, as if to shame his venal surroundings, a pathrite who worked so unselfishly in tn cause iv civic purity that he won tn affection ate surname iv tn Bath House."
 An that's histhry, Hinnissy. Ye can't tell what it'll say about ye. Ye can't tell who'll be up in it and who'll be down. So it Is with tn heroes. Tn name on tn electhric light sign lasts a week or two an then it foes out an another name appears. I ant goin' to say annythin' against yeer former friend Blinns or Binns, or whativer his name was. He was all right He was a hero. That is to say. mind ye. he was a tillygraft op'r- ator who in tn face iv danger wint on bein' a tillygraft op'rator The cap tain iy tn ship was a hero, too. He acted like tn captain iv tn ship. Tn cabin passengers were heroes; they behaved in all respects like cabin pas sengers. All honor. says I, to tn brave cabin passengers that gathered in their pyjamas on tn deck iv tn Republic an didn't let on whether they were wondhrin' whether women hasn't ad- vanced enough to take a chance gettin into tn boats Heroes all, says | Sthrange to say, even tn sicond class passengers showed much courage an the steerage passengers. apparently sthruck powerless be terror, kept their places. Ivrybody got off tn boat in ordher-promynade deck ladies first promynade deck gents next; saloon la dies. saloon gents; sicond class ladies' sicond class gints: steerage ladies' steerage gints. No wan faltered; ivry- body got off as soon as he was let except tn captain, an he come off as a captain shud. hanging to a spar
 No, sir, I'll not attempt to follow all the heroes that comes up. They move too fast fr me. To my way iv thinkin' tn wurruld is full iv thim. know lots iv heroic tillygraft Op-rators who wud rather amuse thimselves sindin' somebdy else's: Have missed thrain; will be home tomorrow; love an kisses. Pop thin be idle an won dhrin how they cud square things with their own wives. They're heroes. Ye an congress are both proud iv ye'er frind Binns, or ye were. But what tn divvle is a tillygraft op'rator to do at time like that but tn only thing he can do? If he'd gone up on tn bridge to advise tn captain he'd been kicked down stairs, an if he thried to help out with tn engines tn chief en- gineer wud've walloped him over tn head with a monkey wrench. So he stayed where he belonged an done his wurruk. He felt safer there than he wud anywhere. Wilbur Wright wud be scared to death if he was tendin' bar in this place whin big Olson come in on a tear, but I am calm because know where l can lay me hands on few argymints that Olson under sthands. But I wuddn't feel safe in amy circumstances in Wilbur Wright's aeroplane. Take me in place I know an I'm as brave a man as iver got his pitcher in tn pa-aper Take me where I don't know tn names iv tn cross sthreets an tn crackle iv leaf will sind a chill up me back - I wudden't dare to walk in Michigan bOolyvard be night I wudden't know what moment a banker might rush out fell me to tn ground But I'll walk down Halstead sthreet whistlin' The Rocky Road an niver wanst look be- hind me
 "As Hogan says, ivryman is a hero excipt thim that have ivallays. If ye black ye'er own shoes. shave ye'ersilf an turn on tn water in ye'er own bath ye'er hero ex-officio as tn sayin' goes. All me acquaintances are heroes. I niver yet knew a man that hired another man to help him on with his shirt. An if con gress goes on passin' risolutions thankin' la-ads fr wurrkin' whin there was nothin' else to do. they'll have to get some new presses in tn government printing office. Faith. who aint a hero amongst us all. all us inexpeeryenced sailors on ship that's sinking slowly undher our feet. day be day an year