New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1909-07-21
copyright, 1909, by T. c. Mcclure

copyright, 1909, by T. c. McClure.l
When Hiram Scott was an infant six
months old his mother and the old
women of the village began to wonder
why he didn't smile. When year
had passed and no smile had yet ap-
peared on his phiz there was sol
emn shaking of heads. No woman
around there had ever before seen an
infant Of that age that had not smiled
and crowed and showed how much he
enjoyed being the "it'' of the house.
Three doctors got together over that
baby, and after an hours consultation
it was decided that he was born for
sexton and no one was to blame for
it.
Baby Scott grew to be a child-nOt
a smile. He grew to be a kid-not a
grin. He grew to be called a youth,
but never for an instant had he re-
Taxed that sober, serious expression.
He hadn't when he reached his major
ity. He hadn't when he married, two
years later. He hadn't when he went
into the dry goods business Mr..
Scott's case was written up as novel
one, and he came to be the landmark
Of the village. He proved that one
could be good fellow and still not
smile.
The doctors got new theory about
it every SO often, but it did no good
Their most popular theory was that
something would arouse the man to
laughter some day and that when the
time came he would do something sur
prising, If not desperate. This could
have been only guesswork at best, but
1t turned out hit. Mr.. Scott had
reached the age Of forty years without
having cracked smile when his wife
and children went of on visit for
week, leaving him alone In the house.
On the third night Of their absence he
was aroused from his slumbers to find
man standing over him with pistol
and two more in the room. They were
there to clean out his pockets and Sc
cure the keys Of the store and safe.
They were strangers In that part Of
the state and had never heard Of his
infirmity as some folks called his lack
Of humor. Mr.. Scott had few dollars
in his pocket, but had hidden the keys.
BE was threatened in vain. AS the
rascals had the house to themselves,
they determined to try something
stronger than gestures and words
They put lighted matches between his
fingers, but they didn't get the keys
Then they went for his feet-not to
burn them, but to tickle him. They
| tickled with their fingers and with a
coarse comb and with a hens feather
taken from an old hat belonging to
Mrs. Scott.
The sensation was q new one to Mr.
/ Scott. He almost Immediately recog-
| funny stories, no grins or laughter.
| but after five minutes Mr.. Scott smiled
for the first time in his life. Two min
utes later he was grinning. In two
| minutes more he was laughing just as
natural and heartily as any man in the
state. When he had chuckled and CUR
| gled and laughed and surprised the
| robbers not little he suddenly broke
out with:
| "Why didn't some one think of this
/ before! BY George, but it's fine! Ia,
ha, ha! One Of you tickle the other
| foot at the same timer
"Hang you, wen tickle you with a
knife in the ribs If you don't give up
the keys!' growled the leader.
"Say, don't get mad about it. Ha,
ha, ha! You are good fellows, and I'm
| a good fellow. You make me ha, ha,
ha, and like you. Say, now, you
wouldn't find over SIS In the store safe
| If you got in. and can put you on to
! better thing"
/ mo foo1ing, now, or we'll make a
| dead man Of you! What is the better
| thing?"
| s'It's-ha, ha, ha!-it's that Deacon
! Glover has got thousand dollars in
his house to take over to the bank at
Elyria tomorrow. Ifs-ha, ha, hal
right under his pillow, and I'll go with
you to get it. .
/ The robbers consulted and decided
that they had got hold Of an idiot or a
lunatic, but at the same time there
might be something in the story Of the
thousand dollars. They tickled as
hard as they could for five minutes,
and then, giving him minute to re-
cover from his commissions of merri-
ment, they ordered him to dress and
follow them. This he did, his face
wearing the broadcast kind Of grin.
He took them straight to the house,
showed them how they could effect en-
trance by climbing shed, and one OF
them went in and got the cash without