davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

added, II am credibly informed by my
-ah-solicitor that I am hneally de-
scended from the Alvas on my mothers
side; my great-grandmothers cousin
married Spaniard called Alva. 1t is
quite likely that. he was a kind of dis
tant relation of the dukes"
quite, of course" admitted the dow
ager "And it must be so pleasant to
play at being duke even for an even
ing
"Permit me to remind you," said the
duke stiffly, ''that in my case the game
is likely to become reality"
ooh" she retorted, eff you mean that
for snub. Besides, since you
are going to be a duke, permit me to
remind you-ahem permit me to re-
mind your grace that [ may possibly
also become dow She checked
herself sharply, with blush.
Don't fiatter yourself that you will
become anything of the sort, my dear
countess replied the duke blandly. "For
| warn you beforehand that I intend to
live to dickens of an age"
'You needn't think that you will dis
appoint me like that,' she Knocked. en-
deed, I am getting tired of being a dow:
ager already"
"And T." said the duke, "am begin
ming to find this beard little cumber-
some. If I were to kiss you, I believe
it would come off,
''Then, for goodness sake, don't-don't
risk such catastrophe,'' she implored
him.
"a SOLDIER responded the duke gal
lantly, "fears no risks"
''But-but your beard!" she entreated.
Il will sacrifice it, answered the duke
resolutely. "If necessary, I am prepared
to sacrifice it,
ooh, well, since you must be $3.50
foolish" faltered the dowager, "I-''
But the remainder of her sentence was
lost in the dukes beard-which, happily,
however, did not come off, after all
Emeric Hume Beaman in Sketch.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
A Vegetable Cow.

The Japanese have discovered a
very cheap and good substitute for
the mich COW in the form of a tiny
beam The juice extracted by spe.
cial process from the bean is said to
be an excellent vegetable milk, the
properties of which render it highly
suitable for use in tropical countries.
The preparation is obtained from
the Sofa bean, a member of the legu-
minous family of plants, and a very
popular article of food among the
poorer classes of Chinese and Japa-
nese. In making the vegetable milk
the beans are first of all softened by
soaking and are then pressed and
boiled in water. The resultant liquid
is exactly similar to cows milk In ap-
pearance, but is entirely different in
it's composition. This Sofa bear milk
contains 025 per cent water, 3.02 per
cent protein, 213 per cent fat, 0.O3
per cent fibre, 1.8S per cent non
heterogeneous substances and 0.41 per
cent ash. Some sugar and a little
phosphate of potassium are added in
order to prevent the elimination of
the albumen, and then the mixture is
boiled down till substance like con-
densed milk is obtained. This "con-
densed vegetable milk" Is of yellow.
ish color and has very pleasant
taste, hardly to be distinguished from
that of real cows milk.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
SOME MARRIED NEGOTIATIONS
By Clarence L. Cullen.
~~~~~~~~~

Many q woman who imagines that
she is the apple of her husbands eye
is really only the crabapple Of his WIS.,
ion.
small boy with his first drum isn't
In it as nuisance with the woman
that develops what she thinks is q tai
emit for sarcasm.
You don't know what being in bad
means until your wife becomes &C.
Quainted with a bunch Of women who
can easily afford to pay 800 apiece for
their hats.
When you hear hatchet-faced, vim
egar-mouthed woman exclaim "All
men are DEVILS" don't you wonder
what facilities she ever possessed for
finding all that out?
After baby comes, woman real
ICES that the lesson In patience she
had to learn to get along with her hus-
band was only the b of what she
had to learn later.
When man is a nagger he general
ly knows it and has his moments Of
self-contempt. But when a woman Is
a termagant she goes to her grave
without ever finding it out.
We know a male jellyf1sh who is i'm
beetle enough to permit his wife to
make him eat onions, although he de-
spises them and they like him not, just
because she herself wants to eat a
mess OF them.
Why is it that a woman will begin,
at the breakfast table, to tell her hus-
band an interminable, intricate, and
meaningless dream that she has had
when she knows that he Is already
twenty minutes behind his ofice-reach-
ing schedule?
The soured old harpies who buzz
around young women and advise them
to take the reins from the start"
never by any chance go through with
1t and elucidate how they themselves
made out at that personally conducted
reins-handling Job.
Why is 1t that when q woman in
the public eye, whose reputation al
ways has been considered unimpeach-
able-a certain noted female singer,
say-gets her name dragged into d.
vorce case the women who read about
it generally appear to be oh-so-g!addy-
glad?
When two or three over-indulged
women who pretend to believe that
their husbands mistreat them get to-
gether at shopping luncheon, the en-
suing rataplan makes a blank cart
ridge skirmish drill sound by COMPARE
son like the rustling Of autumnal
zephyrs among dead leaves.
The self-same woman, whose hus-
band always takes of her shoes when
she returns from q wholly unnecessary
day Of shop-gadding, generally is the
one who says to her woman cronies,
"'Deed I've got picture of myself
pressing my husbands trousers
huh!"
"I'd rather die or work in some
body's kitchen than take a cent Of
your detestable money! is what they
all say while the details Of the mn
tual agreement divorce are being ar
ranged. But when the decree is hand
ed down they line up greedily at the
alimony counter all the same.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

the jugs became cakes of ice, wash
Ing was very cruel necessity.
"As we could play our scales in the
dark, the two pianofortes and the harp
began the days work. How very near
crying was the one whose turn set her
at the harp! The strings cut the poor.
cold fingers. Martyr the first sat in
the dining-room at the harp; martyr
the second put her blue fingers on the
keys of the grand piano-forte in the
drawing-room."
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29


advance during appliances the roads
opportunity
with the English figures for the
impression that the American railroads
methods those the and
killed here The impression recently
British railroads had
one passenger during the last
misleading
Britain in 1908 accidents to trains
accidents other
railroads list employees
accident, O respectable figure of 432.
Britain 5S9 would
overlooked
The United States has almost exactly ten times much railroad mile
Britain freight mileage which
the United
Kingdom least 10 to
AS a little than half the
bad all-Detroit
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The contrast between the life OF the
young in the twentieth and IN the
early part Of the nineteenth century
is most striking, and one wonders
how the Scotch children of former
times survived their early training.
Lady Richie gives in "Blackstick Pa
pers" a description of home life IN
Scotland in 1906, which she took from
the Memoirs of a Highland Lady"
Although seldom ailing, we Inherit
ed a delicacy of constitution, demand
ing great care during our infancy. In
those days it was the fashion to take
no care Of 1t. All children alike were
plunged into the coolest water, sent
abroad in the worst weather, fed on
the same food; our life was one long
misery.
I'm town a large, long tub stood in
the kitchen court, the ice on the top
of which had often to be broken be-
fore our horrid plunge into 1t. We
we're brought down from the very top
of the house, four pairs OF stairs, with
only q cotton cloak over our night
gowns, just to chill us completely be-
fore the dreadful shock. How l
screamed, begged, prayed, entreated to
be saved! All no use!
Nearly senseless, have been TAX
en- to the housekeeper's room, which
was always warm, to be dried. Re-
vived by the fire, we were enabled to
endure the next bit Of martyrdom, an
hour upon the low sofa, our books in
our hands, while our cold breakfast
was preparing. My stomach rejecting
milk, bread and tears generally did
for me-"
Six years later in the Highland
home austerities seem still part of
the education.
'In winter we rose without candle
or fire or warm water; and really in
the Highland winters, when the breath
froze on the sheets and the water in
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

he has never handled cottonseed oil as
such, and he would be glad to give it
trial under its proper brand.
The sardine trade generally would be
glad to utilize cottonseed oil and brand
fish according to law as Packed in Cot
tonseed OIL" but packers are afraid the
produce would find slow sale. Expert
ment may disprove this, as the oil of the
fish fiavors that used in the packing, ana
inasmuch as the difference between the
value being the same, there could he no
risk in the venture. The goods might
go slowly at the start, but when con-
sumers found that the oil is good. ana
that it all tastes Of the fish anyway. the
brand acknowledging the use of cotton
seed oil would not deter purchases.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

With the absolute retirement of Rear
Admirals Evans, Cowles and Pillsbury,
which is expected in the course of a few
days, all the retired ranking officers Of
the navy who have been doing bureau
service will be eliminated from depart
ment activities. Tbs is in accordance
with a policy of the Taft administration
to make retirements matters of fact in
stead of utilizing superannuated officers
in department positions and thus block
ing the way to promotion for the young
er men who are striving to reach the
quarter deck" The procession through
the grades moves slowly in times of
peace, and officers are in danger Of vege-
tating instead of taking ON experience
that comes with service in advanced posi-
tons. There will be no young blood
in places of high command when young
and active men are needed unless the
lines of promotion are kept unclogged.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
The Skill of American Marine Architects.

The hand of the American marine ar
chitect has not lost its traditional cum
ming in the fashioning of hulls which,
cleave the water with lines that afford a.
minimum of resistance to the propulsive
force Recently-constructed yachts and
merchant vessels have demonstrated
with bursts of speed that although con-
ditions have been such as to drive Amer
lean ships from the foreign trade and
thus make the flag conspicuous for its
absence among the designs in bunting
floating from the mastheads of ships in
foreign ports, the American shipbuilder
stands ready to make the ships of this
country as conspicuous among the cOurs-
ers of the deep as were the clipper ships
that were once engaged in transatlan-
tic passenger traffic and in carrying pas
sengers "around the Horn"
These remarks have been suggested
by the remarkable performances Of the
training ship Newport, which recently
arrived at Falmouth, England, after a
run of eighteen days from Gardeners
bay, Long Island. In letter to the Sec
rotary of the New York Board of Edu-
cation. Lieut.-Com. Everhart, U. S. N,
in command of the ship, states that
changes made in the rigging of the New
port during the past winter have, so i'm
now be classed with the fastest ships
afioat. On the 25th of May, with the
wind free. the Newport logged in four
successive hours the following remark
able runs: II knots. II knots, ~
knots and 1875 knots. In other words,
the Newport made under sail several rec
ords that exceed her speed under steam
with forced draft.
This is remarkable performance, not
so much for the speed in itself, as that
has been greatly exceeded in many in
stances by American merchant vessels.
but because of the superiority of sail
power in driving the Newport as against
the maximum ability of the steam plant.
1t shows that the American marine arcn-
itect could continue at the front if sails
were to remain as the chief propelling
power, and is reassuring as to the abil-
ity of American yacht designers to hold
the palm against all corners. But sails.
are not to remain in commercial use be-
cause steam is better all-around agent
which insures progress despite wind and
wave. The sail vessel may lead a steam
er occasionally under highly favorable
conditions. but she must yield to the
latter in point of dispatch and regu-
larity of service.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
Knew Her "Missis.v

Hadn't you better wash the dishes
before we go?" said man, who was
taking hired girl out for a walk:
your missis will be sure to see them
and scold you" mo, she'll not" re-
piled the girl; 'as soon as she learns
I am going out for the evening, she'll
spend all the time looking through my
trunk"-Puck.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The ''joy rider" is to get his proper
desserts wherever he takes out an auto
mobile without the consent Of it's owner.
New York leads the way with a sentence
of not less than two years at Sing Sing,
nor more than three years, for a chauf-
feur who helped himself to a vehicle for
q shit of fun"
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

Rumor has it that cheese is the next
article of food under which screws
placed by spectators will be twisted till
the price is up in the air. Forewarnings
are supposed to be beneficial. Let there
be cogitation to see whether in some way
this impending peril can be averted.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

People in a hurry, who sometimes
forget the necessity for thoroughly
washing small-fruits before placing them
upon the table, will be reminded by the
story from Louisville of the death of a
6-year-old girl from swallowing a spider
contained in dish of strawberries.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The American Embassy Association,
recently organized in London, has begun
a campaign among Americans travelling
in England to secure their infiuece with
Congress in favor of the plan to provide
American embassies in foreign countries
with suitable buildings. The idea is a
good one and worth keeping alive.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The friends of Commander Peary
having INDUCED in a little harmless
Boosting of this kind. the admirers of
DR.. Frederick A. Cook. the missing Arc
tic explorer, are expressing the opinion
that the Doctor has succeeded in reach
ing the pole. and that he is now on the
west coast of Greenland awaiting trans
portation back TO civilization. This is all
pure surmise. There is a possibility in
both cases. and the further chance that
DR.. Cook may come south with Peary
when that persistent explorer returns.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The German company which is build
ing a non-rigid dirigible balloon with a
lifting capacity of ffty-four persons has
evidently not been frightened by the fate
of the big non-rigid California dirigible
which broke under the weight of large
load of passengers and dropped them to
the earth. Unless the weights beneath
non-rigid airship are carefully adjusted
the strains are apt to be dangerous to
the envelope when the ship is driven
through the air by her propellers.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
WASHBURN PRINTING CO., Publishers

The proposed ban on cigarettes in the
navy is not liked by the sailors, but is
approved by medical men. If the sailors
did not use cigarettes to their physical
detriment, there would be no suggestion
of the rule
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
Irish Keeping Awav.

Last year was year of retrogression
in the record of Irish emigration. The
number of emigrants has steadily fallen
from 1902 to 1905, in which year it
touched the lowest figure recorded since
1851.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The wife of the prime minister of
Bulgaria is the president of the Bull
garian Woman Suffrage association,
which has membership of about 1000.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
SUPPLICATION.

l seek no smile from Fortune,
Nor ask release from Pain,
And yet 1 crave high portion
OF life's most golden gain.
This is the prayer that rudders
My ship on any sea;
Through shift of hopes and shudders,
God. let me sail on-free!
Leigh Mitchell Hodges in Success Maya
zine.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

the air above private property. Finally must
slider the by which laws may be enforced and
the registration Identification Of aerial machines
carried out.
1t good making laws without ability to carry
them into effect supposng regular service
inaugurated of police patrong the air In extra swift
flyers they could seldom follow and catch up trans
gressors since would not often be possible to convey
the information to them in time There be doubt
intricate problem is confronting regard
ing the amending and making of laws to regulate that
traffic which of believe will be darkening
the air above heads.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

An expert of the Bureau of Ordnance
of the Navy Department is said to
have invented a more powerful and eff
fective tropedo than any now in use
among the navies of the world, and the
United States therefore has an advan-
tage in this respect; but new devices of
this kind are hard to keep secret, and in
few years after first actual use there
is always a general adoption or imita-
ton that places everybody ON practically
equal footing.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

Consumers will be gratifed by Secre-
tary Wilson's report that the special in
vestigation of the meat inspection sys-
TEN at st. Louis, which was assaulted as
being disgraceful and unsanitary, has
resulted in the finding that lthe charge
is unfounded. Indignation would be gen.
eral were it found that after all the
harmful publicity of several years ago
there had been backsliding.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

A man never knows what is COM
ing to him until it gets right on him.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
CtrcumstantiaI Evidence.

did you say Jaggers was a member
of the stock exchange?"
yes"
Bull or bear?"
Bear, I guess; at least, that's the
distinction his home bearing seems to
enforce Boston Courier.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

Advertise in this paper, and make your
wants known to your home people.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

We met man to-day who is hard
to please; he doesn't like cold weather
and he doesn't like warm weather.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
NEW PROBLEMS FOR THE LAWMAKERS.
By Maj. Baden-POweH.

In four years time we may be able to say
that flying Is common.
It Is then that new laws and regulations
will have to be adopted. The rule of the
road" in the air must be settled, as also
the question as to whether international
frontiers are to be respected and If not,
whether universal free trade must result.
Then comes the subject of the ownership Of
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

AS a man grows leaner because of
age, his wife becomes fatter.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

gratifying Is that American rail-
killed much smaller percentage of people than usual
last year. the total number of
and employees their lives in this In 1908
s27 in 1907 the number 459 and in 1905 1t was
Just 5000 Railway News and Statistics traces
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

There are dried apples-why not dried
potatoes? Germany is trying practical
experiments in the direction of the latter
economy, and several potato drying
plants are in operation, in different sec
tons of the empire. 1t takes $50 pounds
Of potatoes in their normal condition
to make 900 pounds when dry. A brisk
market is found for the product, owing
to the advancing price of grain.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The statement from Semmering that
physicians have advised Mr.. Hartman
that he must eat plenty of cereals, milk,
and meat, and drink malt beer, shows
that one completes a gastronomic cycle
in amassing millions and approaching
retirement as a result of financial sue
cess. There may be comfort in this for
those who aspire to live like retired mil
lionaires despite the absence of bank
accounts or holdings that occupy safety
deDOSit boxes
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29
MorHERs-1N.LAw MOST MAIIGNED OF ALL.
BY Helen OIdfeId

Probably no class of persons are so much
and so persistently misrepresented and ma
ligned as are mothers-in-law.
As q rule, women are pleased to have their
daughters marry well; the matchmaking
mother ia as common subject for joke as
is the Objectionable mother-in-law. If after
marriage 1t turns out that the match Is not
all that the wife's mother wished for and
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

expected she usually Is anxious that in the eyes of the
world It should appear satisfactory, and to this end
earnestv and steadfastly she endeavors to show her
son-inIaw in the most favorable light to outsiders
Therefore II the mother-in-aw have even ordinary
common sense she WILL for the love which she bears
her daughter her to do her best to please
her husband and to retain his affection
It sometimes is ptful to a womans efforts to pla
cate a canankerous sonn-aw, and although when there
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

the violin it's capacity for passionate emotion crowns
itand not the organ, with Its mechanical tonal effects
AS the king Of instruments.
Nor does the voice make the peculiarly poignant ap
peal of the violin It's lowest note Is the below the
treble cef and it's top note mere squeak; but it seems
In few octayes to have imprisoned within Its wooden
walls a miniature world of feeling; even In the hands
of clumsy amateur 1t has the formidable power of CIV
ing pain while In the Of master 1t Is capable OF
rouslng the soul-Everybodys
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

Restricted as to it's range Of dynamlcs, the
violin has had for it's votaries men Of such
widely different temperaments as Paganini
and spohr Wilhelmj and Sarsate, Joachim
Ysaye.
It's literature does no compare with that of
the piano, for which Bach, Beethoven, Schu-
mann, Chopin and Brahms have written their
choicest music; yet the intimate nature OF
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

President Taft seems to have plenty
of influence with the present admins
tration of the White House. He has
pronounced for retrenchment of ex-
penditures in all the departments of the
government, and Mrs. Taft has de-
clared that she cherishes no desire to fol-
low the precedent of purchasing special
chinaware to go down in history as the
Taft set, but is able and willing to get
along with the dishes already provided.
The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1909-07-29

The little farmers of the public schools
of New York. who were encouraged on
Arbor Day to try their skill in garden
ing have made an exhibit of their crops
at the Board of Education Building.
Their achievements are remarkable for
city children, and should recommend sys-
tematic encouragement of gardening as
a recreational and at the same time use
full occupation for children by parents
and school children throughout the land.