davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

removed the mortal tenament of the late egg back to the kitchen and covered grand lodge of sorrow over its mute, still clay, the Jennie Darms are out with swords drawn, the populace Is marching up and down singing the Marsaillis hymn and smashing peoples hats, the royal ists are hurrying home to properly ap- parel themselves for an informal after noon riot, the Dreifuss case has been reopened, a general sympathetic strike has been ordered all over Paris and the members of the chamber of deputies are leaping from crag to erag, uttering their characteristic hute-lilxe notes and ex- changing challenges to fight duels at the rate of 200 revolutions a minute. That's the way to abass an egg with the proper rites and ceremonies.
 "'Tis the same when that emotional and high-spirited people are pulling off a murder trial, Larry. Now the English do it differently. So do we. In excep- tional cases an English murder trial may clog up the wheels of justice for as long as three hours; but that's usually when the accused party has such a large neck that they can't use the regular moose and erally speaking, though, a trial for mur- der In England doesn't drag out to such tedious and unseemly length. The justice asks the prisoner at the bar If he's guilty or not guilty. The prisoner says he's not; the jury says he is: the justice puts on black cap; severe looking gentle
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

slips It into the next omelet he makes. and the incident is closed without noise or excitement.
 But suppose it's a Frenchman in a French restaurant who gets an egg that's more to be pitied than censured. What does he do? Listen. Pm going to tell you. First he utters a loud cry. Then he leaps to his feet. Then he raises his talented French shoulder blades up over his head and starts them to huttering like the wings of butterfly. Then he points a bunch of accusing fingers at the suspected egg and begins making backward swimming motions with both arms. Then he loses his eyebrows in his hair. Then in one comprehensive out burst of language he sums up his opin- ion Of that egg and of the state of health of the hen that laid it and of it's future prospects, in tone of voice that can be heard all over the Boys de Bo- logny
 By this time he's surrounded by a full male chorus of plain walters head walters, managers, chefs and innocent bystanders, and the solo has become an anthem. "A bas la shine eggi The said egg is unwell!' shrieks the customer The head cook, his most sacred honor i'm pugned, falls In a swoon on the floor The head waiter beats his bosom with his clenched fists. And by the time six walters as honorary pallbearers and six omnibusses as active pallbearers have
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

old, but here it was assailed with the trip-hammer force of convincing statistics. A hundred republican newspapers sug- gested the old statesman for President in 1872, because of his attempt to save a beggarly sl4.0oo.0oO. What crank they would call him nowl The pension bill alone Is 12 times that sum, 40 years later.
 I said Blaine mortgaged too many chair manships. He promised James N. Tyner postoffices and postroads. but gave 1t to Farnsworth, I believe-at least Tyner did not get it-and that circumstances cost MT. Blaine the nomination for Pres ident h 1876. Tyner could have thrown enough delegates to the PluIned Knight to nominate him. He refused to do 1t, and Kentucky came along with the votes to nominate Hayes. Here was the organ izatton of a small committee of Congress making man President of the United States.
 Blaine will always rank among the great speakers. He looked the part. and he was the first of the speakers to make mer- chandise of committee assignments I do not say he sold them for money; but he employed them to build up a political machine and strengthen his political fences. With Garfield on the floor to 1eIcn ana carry TOT nlIn, Ja1nes Gt bldlne was pretty nearly the American House of Representatives the six years 1S6e75.
 There was not another republican Con gress until 1881. The logical" candidate speaker was Frank Hiscock, but he didn't get 1t. Burrows was a candidate, Reed was a candidate, and as I now remem- ber it, our Uncle Joe Cannon was voted for; but Page of California and Hazelton of wisconsin, set about making a speak, CT, and the usufruct was the Hon. J. Warren Keller, an altogether illogical
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

then. Monsieur demands the president, when the ceremony of swearing the wit ness Is over, what facts have you to offer in evidenceT T have no facts says the witness, but I'm full of emotions. Spoken like a free Frenchman,' exciaims the president, kissing hirn on both cheeks. Proceed with your emotiona, Monsieur But the witness doesn't proceed very far. I'm but poor. weak. defenseless wom- an,' shrieks the prisoner, doing a Sarah Bernhadt face-fall but I can lick the in famous wretch who is now on the stand the best day he ever saw Aha, she faints,' cries the president "A sure sign of guilt, gentlemen of the jury As the champion of this unhappy woman. l de- sire to protest, says tho principal law yer for the defense. seizins the president by the whiskers and going to the mat with him amid mingled applause, misses and kisses. The proceedings from this point on seem at times to verge upon the disorderly.
 ''But the big doings really start when the su1nIning-up begins. That's the time when the moving picture privileges alone would be worth s1o0,ooo of anybody's money. As well as I'm able to judge the arguments are conducted on the prln- cipal of a handicap race, The lawyers start speaking at different intervals and then one by one the judges and the spec tators and everybody joins in, so that at the finish they're all running 6 dead heat,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

and the proceedings, on a reasonably still day can be heard a mile or more. The leading Paris journalists use up reams of copy paper describing their own intense feelings. A few raw beginners may see fit to run in a line once in a while about the case, but this practice is looked down on by the veterans, who be- heve in sticking to the main issue and writing about themselves exclusively. The fair prisoner at the bar, described by her eloquent counsel as being absolute ly pure, all except a mere fleet of ben zoats of soda here and there in her past life. and denounced by the hostile press as a woman who doesn't even know how 10 dress with taste for a murder trial, goes out of one parozysm into another. until she's used up practically all the paroxysms there are. And then the jury comes In with their verdict and that's when I'd give anything in reason for the cimeograph films. After which everybody weeps on everybody else's Legion of Honor decore ton and sobs aloud, Long live the republic And the strangest part about it all, Larry, Is that the republic does lfve.s
 ''They kick up 30 much fuss at them French trials that it's hard for me to tell which side wins" said the House Detective.
 "As well as I have been able to ob- serve." said the Hotel Clerk. '.the de- cision goes to the party that can yell the loudest."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

the writer, who was chaplain in the { Confederate army, by an affecting incl dent which occurred in his own experience during the war, whilst doing duty among the sick and wounded in one of our hos- pita1s near the front. In passing through one of the wards had several times mo- t1ced a sich Indian on one of the cots. l learned. upon inquiry, that he had vol unteered Tn regiment from Louisiana and had taken up arms in defense of the rights of the south. He had been strick- en with a contagious disease, which had yielded to treatment. but his nature was SO wild and reckless that during conval- essence he could not endure confinement to the ward and the result was se- rious relapse.
 In passing by his bed I had frequently noticed him and had become interested in his casei but as the poor forester could speak no word of our language and as I was totally Ignorant of his dialect, we could not converse. Like the rest of his people, he was a stoic in his suffer ings, and even when almost overcome by them he showed no impauence, but lay perfectly still, uttering at regular inter- vals a subdued moan.
 One day whilst going the rounds of my d1ViS1on l was accoSteu Dy du lutelllSeht sodier. who said: "Parson, I wish you would visit poor Indian here and have some talk with him. He is extremely i'll and I think he must soon die" 'I would willingly do so." said I. but he cannot speak a word of Engish." ''No," said the soldier, "but he can understand you" 'He then informed me of his per sonaI acquaintance with the Indian, and said that though others thought that nothing could be accomplished by talking to him, still he knew that the man could understand English when addressed in that language.
 Desiring to do what I could for the spiritual benefit of the dying man went immediately to his ward and found him very 1ow-much worse than when I had last seen seen him. After seating myself at his bedside and getting his attention. asked him If he knew anything about God-the "Great spirit' of the Indians. He bowed affirmatively. and seemed in- terested at once. He fixed upon me an inouiring look which seemed to say: "Go on: I want to know more about that sub iect.' I then told him in the simplest language could command of the plan of Gospel mercy in the Son of God; the love
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28
ELECTING SPEAKERS-No. 2-By Savoyart

last week, talk about democratic "in- coherence," and 1t thinks Clark will be the victim of it. Possibly he may; the House there has been not one par ticle of democratic "incoherence" at any time since the war, save in 1891. 1 think I demonstrated that last week. Kerr was the '1ogicaI' caucus nominee for speaker in 1875 Randall, when the issue shifted was logical" In 1877 and 1879. Carlisle was logical in 1888, 1885 and 1887. Mills was logical in 1891 but Crisp got it. Crisp was logi- cal In 1898 and got 1t with the un- William L. Wilson for Springer as chairman of ways and means, and Jospeh D. Savers for Holman as chair man of appropriations.
 l am fool enough to believe that the defeat of Roger o. Mills for speaker of the Fifty-second Congress in 1891 was one of the sorest disasters that has overtaken the democratic party since the war, and I say this mindful that Charles F. Crisp was a true democrat and a splendid man; but the triumph of MT. Crisp was hailed with delight by every republican in both houses of Congress.
 But let us see about that "cohe- renee" on the republican side of the hedge. Banks was not the Illogical" candidate of his party for speaker in the Thirtyfourth Congress. but he got the office. Four years later John Sher- man was supremely logical" but he didn't get it, although he would had he not signed the "Helepr Book" which he said he never read, but took on trust. Then the John Brown raid hurt him greatly. and by the way, if
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

T HD St Louis Globe-Democrat
 warns Champ Clark that he may
 not be speaker of the Sixty-sec- ond Congress. and reminds him of the fete of Roger @. Mills in the Fifty second Congress, which is pertinent for its correct history, and of what befell Samuel J. Randall in the Forty eighth Congress. which is objectionable for its erroneous history. There were elections held in many of the states the other day, ana in Massach uetts the Payne tariff was the paramount, and the verdict of the electorate of that old commonwealth was adverse to the revision Mir. Aldrich gave us last spring and summer, and viewing the thing from the Massachusetts stand point. one may quote Sherman and say that the country Is looking at the G. o. P. with an unforgiving eye, and a damned disinheriting oountenance." The Payne tariff was made for New Eng land. and if 1t Is rejected there, what will Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Min nesota, Iowa. Kansas and the Dakotas and Nebraska do with it? A-plenty.
 And so if it ever was safe to predict as to events political. 1t Is a first class guess tnat the Slxty-Second Con gress will have a democratic major ity. and the very unexpected must happen if Champ Clark shall not be speaker of 1t. He may die; he may be defeated for a seat in that body; he may be the victim of combine like that which slaughtered Roger 0. Mills; but not even the democratic party can be fool all the time. and look to see Champ Clark succeed Joseph G. Can non as speaker
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

| of God to sinful men; the character of Christ, the mansions prepared for those who believe in Jesus. He listened with the utmost attention-his eyes fixed upon me and following my every motion. something of God and of Christ among | the missionaries to the Indians. He gnve an affirmative sign, stfll keeping his eyes fixed upon mine. He seemed perfectly rational. nor did he show the least sign of confusion of mind. tried to explain to him that heaven-which his people called 'the happy hunting grounds" was 8 place prepared by the Great Epfrit'' for with undimintshed earnestness to tho last, and seemed to be deeply interested. though he could utter no word in reply or none that were inteiligible to me.
 Presently the surgeon came up with some medicine to administer Go him. He opened his mouth to receive 1t; . slight tremor passed over his frame; he made an intellectual attempt to swallowJ his body strengthened itself upon the bed; one last look-one sasp-ons shudder-and the spirit of the poor forester parted from its wornout tenement. and took it's flight to -the undfscovsrsd country, from whose bourne no traveler returns-"
 Twas an anecttn1 eoene and deeply fnl- pressed my mind. and trust, my heart The thought that notwithstanding the differences of race, education, manner of life and modes of thought which separat- cd this poor savage from the attendants at his bedside. stiIl there was one great, living, indestructibls tie which bound us all together and which made us essen tially ''of one blood"--this thought came to me with unusual force and gave me a still higher appreciation of the plan of salvatfon through Jesus Christ, the Son of God and the son of man.
 Let no man consider tho religion of Jesus Christ as out of his sphere. Its> design, it's origin, it's doctrines, its prog ress. it's results. all prove that, though devised in heaven, 1t lived, moved. breathed and suffered on earth. and that, though born of God. 1t was to address itself to the throbbing heart of man.
 It has lived for some 1s centuries. and though during that time 1t has witnessed the rise. the progrsss and the decay of multitudes of monuments of the arts and devices of man. It still lives and must ever live, because 1t is mans full brother in the great family of Immortal isy,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

the republicans of either House of Congress were to talk about old Brown the approaching session in the denunciatory tones scores of republf- cans talked about him in the first ses- sion of the Thirty-sixth Congress, they would be read out of the party. Perhaps 1t Is well enough to mention that the republicans had only a plural ity in that Congress; but they were re- duced to the necessity of sacrificing Sherman and taking up old man Pen nington.
 When the time came to name the speak CT of the Thirty-seventh Congress, Sher- man would have received the honor with out republican opposition, but when Sal mon P. Chase went into the cabinet he left vacancy in the Senate. Robert c. Schenck. then. and all his career, the ablest man of his party in Ohio, was the logical candidate to succeed to the toga, but Sherman got 1t. There was no caucus to select candidate for speaker, and there were frequent ballStings, as I now recall, but finally the place fell to Galusha A. Grow, who was then hero it was less than three weeks before first Bull Run-because, a year earlier, he had knocked down member from South Carolina in 8 fist fight on the floor of the House.
 The elections of 1862 were bitterly dis appointing to the republicans, who saved the House by a narrow margin; but Grow was beaten for a seat. though, as I now recall, he was from the old David Wilmot district, and like Wilmot, he was a recruit to the republican ranks from the democratic party. Schuyler Colfax was chosen speaker of the Thirty-eighth Con- gress, and he is the only man who was ever elected presiding officer os both
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28

candidate, and supreme1y illogical man; but he was speaker of the Forty-seventh Congress, and fell out with republican newspaper man of the gallery, one of the best and purest Of the cloth. and in 1885 the Honorable Keller was retired to pri- wate life, where he remained for 20 years.
 He got back to Congress. however, in the Roosevelt regime, and began where he left off-a bloody-shirting. He pro- posed to work miracle for the man and brother down south-that is, enforce the amendments to the end that he might have negroes to help him solonize for some s0,0oo,000 Anglo-Saxons He intro duced his resolution one day, and the very next morning the newspapers had page dispatches from his own home of Springfield. O., giving accounts of the massacre of some scores of negroes, the burning of their homes and the banish- ing of the remainder Of that race from the town.
 Springfield has an ominous sound for the man and brother-Spring gfe1d, H., Springfield. O.. and Springfield. Mo.-al1 gorged with negro gore.
 The three congresses next succeeding were democratic; but the Fffty-flrst Con- gress was republican and Tom Reed beat Mckinley for speaker. It passed tho Mo Kinley tarfff. which was revision "up'' just as the Payne tariff is and spent s1 oOo. .00o. .oOo-the first of the billion-dolar congresses, 1sS9-1se1. We now have the two-billion dollar congress. The country rejected the revision. and in the Fifty second Congress the democratic majority was twice the republican strength of a beggarly &, but it was an ss led by Tom Reed, and that was the devil of 1t; he forced Crisp to adopt the Reed rules to do business at all.
 Cleveland was elected President and be-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28
E<TAM man, and consider nothing
 human as foreign from me."-Ter-

<<IAM a man, and consider nothing
 human as foreign from me."-Ter-
 \ ence.
 It is said that when this sentiment was uttered by the Roman actors 1t was al- ways greeted with enthusiastic applause by the vast throngs of human beings who frequented the magnificent theatres of the great Queen City Nor can we won- der that this should have been so, as it is the embodiment in one short sentence of the great throbbing. swelling heart of universal humanity, and even the calm, stately, practical nature of the old Ro- mans could not resist such an appeal to the inner life and heart of humanity. The Roman might, for while, smother, but could never totally destroy the man.
 This sentiment has characterized the productions of great literary mon in all ages, or at least such of their writings as live longest and die hardest We ad- mire the exhibition of giant intellect, of great reasoning powers, of the capacity for keen analysis, but we love and cling to those literary productions which touch the inner man-which enter into the Holy of Holies of humanity-touch the hidden springs of our hearts and break up tho fountains of the great deep.
 Tho writers who have graven their names most indelibly upon our hearts and our lives have been those who were most highly gifted with this power. Whatever else they may have, or lack, if they pos sess this they must live in the memory of men. They may have the rough quaintness of a Bunyan-thinlring nothing of his mere style. tho elaborate finish of a Byron, carefully selecting his every word; the vast range of thought of a Shakespeare, or the meek simplicity of a Burns; in short, however varied, or how eyer great their other powers this power Is always sufficient to insure a name among the immortals.
 The dream of the illiterate tinker, John Bunyan, Is familiar to millions to whom the great scholar, Ben Jonson, is not even a name. The truth Is that this feel ing of living. breathing humanity is the very essence of life and immortality in literature Its presence immortalized a Scottish ploughman in an address to . mouse; its absence throttled an accom- plished courier in the "Faerie Queena~ The inspired apostle beautifully sets it forth in the exhortation: "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep"
 This train of thought was suggested to
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-11-28
NNTNHB French is sure a funny
 race," remarked the House De- tectiva of the St Rac1slass

race,' remarked the House De-
 tective of the St. Reckless.
 We're all funny races when you look us over at long distance" said the Hotel Clerk "A Zulu is a funny thing to me because he doesn't wear pants, and suppose I'm a funny thing to Zulu because do. Yet both of us have our reasons. But why do you pick out our French friends in particular?'
 I wus just thinlkin' about that dinnv steinhel trial and the way all them Judges and things carried on,' said the House Detective.
 l guess you didn't take the French temperament into consideration, said the Hotel Clerk. No Englishman could be- nave like Frenchman unless he was uead or in trance. It's the same with us Take yourself for an example. Sup- pose for breakfast tomorrow morning you order your eggs soft boiled, and one of them fs virginal as to looks but verging as to smell. What do you do? You merely beckon the waiter over to vou and you say to him In low but firm tone of voice, Mike, you say this here's bum egg Not spoiled?' he says in surprise. Well, maybe not you say. but the hen wasn't feeling the best in the world when she achieved it. Take 1t away, you say, and deal me an- other out of fresh deck So the wait CT removes the deceased and the cook