davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
With the Worlds
Great H11n1orfSfg
Selections from the eOrfrin6s Of the Besf EnoeOn
Makers Of E1Ir76

bill or something. remember / gave
it to the book-keeper and told him tt
look it up and make a check if it wa:
all right. l will look it up in the
petty ledger. If he was going sc
far possibly he may have needed the
money. l do hope he may not be in
convenienced by any oversight of ours
Will he be away long?"
"A year and quarter" explained
the correspondent.
Dear, dear, such a VISIT" exclaimed
the Oil King. I'VE shall miss him sore
ly. But the good people of Mexico
will be the gamers, and they"
Africa" corrected the press CORE
spondent. He has gone 70 Africa
not Mexico, you know"
ITO be SUI e-Africa," repeated the
OIL Magnate. These barbarous lands
Africa, Missouri, Chicago get then
all confused. Still have no complaint
against the Afrieans-so far as
know they are a mild, tractable and
congenial people. Do they golf?"
Il am sure l don't know" returned
the interviewer. Il am not up on the
Africans. But Roosevelt has not gone
to Africa to golf. He has gone to
hunt wild animals"
Mr.. Rockefeller rubbed his scalp re
fectiveIy. There are some trophies
that are very precious to their owners
that are still out of the governments
hands," he said Il have a great deal
of sympathy for hunted animals, you
know. | could not bear to think of a
timid hippotamus bleeding in it's nest
while its mate was bearing home a
worm for supper, unaware of the trag
edies of sport. I wish you would say
for me that this young man-Teddy'
welt think you said-should be merci
full, and that wish him long jour
ney, and If It Is a question of funds
shall gladly defray any necessary ex
pense to prolong his trip. Alas, the
poor hippopotami!-"
Copyright, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

These verses and the picture com.
bfned will pretty effectually dissipate
the youthful longing to be a pirate, !
imagine, even in the most hardened;
and then on the next page of my in,
valuable publication shall turn my at.
tention to intoxicating a needed lesson
and warning to the gory-minded
youngsters whose chief ambition in
life is to become a great Indian slayer
like Buffalo William, Kit Carson,
Daniel Boone and the rest of them.
The lesson and the warning will
loom up in print as follows:
THE FATE OF TOMMY TENDERFOOT'
Little Tommy Tenderfoot, what did he
do?
Went out west for to fight the Sioux!
Little Tommy Tenderfoot met the savage
crew
This's the way he looked when they got
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
While the Tee Cooled.
BY j. w. Foley.

sincerely hope" said Mr.. Rookie
Keller, drawing his golf ball through a
valuable imported hydrangea bush,
that this rash young man-what is
MS name-Teddyvel - Teddyrooze-
no-Roosevelt-I have such a poor
memory for names-may come to no
harm. Where is he going, did under
stand you to say-up in New England
somewhere"
Africa" corrected the press cor
respondent, who was consuming time
worth $24.38 second.
Africa" unused Mr.. Rockefeller,
combing his golf ball out of the n.y.
drangea bush and setting it on a new
Tee. Has Wall street moved over
ttere? Why should any man go to
Africa when we have such golf links
at homer" and he cast loving glance
over the stretch of greensward
Is there anything you would like
to say" began the press correspond
emit timidly.
The greatest need of the world to-
day." said Mr.. Rockefeller, calculat-
Ing the swing with which to drive the
DaIl far into space. lis love-human
love-real brotherly affection between
man and man. think this has been
said before, but it is true-true as the
everlasting blue of the sky that"
But about Roosevelt" said the
press correspondent Twill it make
any difference, now that he is gomez"
With the population" suggested
the Oil King, calmly, 1T will make a
difference of one, surely" and he
smiled friendly smile. Il am very
much interested in this young man
Observation-Disclosures always for
get that name. He will make his
mark, some day-indeed he is al
ready in fair way to be-er-I might
say-measurably distinguished-bu
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
'tMother Goose" Nth a Moral
BY viii S. Gidley.

am engaged in the praiseworthy
task of constructing brand new
Mother Goose"-a Mother Goose"
with moral on every page. am do
ing this to fill long-felt want and an
empty pocket book. They say virtue
is its own reward" but slight recon-
pense in the way of cash comes in
handy when fellow goes to buy gro
ceries or pay the gas bills. So shall
expect the public-and especially the
parents of the rising generation-to
rally to my support and buy my re-
constructed Mother Goose" in prefer
ence to all others.
presume there is no boy alive and
enjoying good health who has not at
some time in his career longed to be a
pirate. But let him once read THE
Sad End of Pirate Pete" and gaze on
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
WHERE PAT DREW THE LINE.
Patient and Long Suffering, But No
Man with a Face Like That Could
Work with Him.

Pat had been at work for three days
digging well, and as the foreman
wanted it finished within the week he
had promised Pat another man to
help him. 1t was getting on for IL
o'clock, and TowseS the foremans
bulldog, was looking over the edge of
the pit, when Pat said to himself,
"Smoke-o"
He had just filed his pipe, and was
about to light it when he glanced up
and beheld Towser's handsome fea-
lures.
Slowly removing the pipe from his
mouth, he said: "Be-e-egorra, Olive
worked wild Germans and Hengar-r-
rians, and Owe worked wild Oital
ians and naygers, but if man wild a
face like that comes down here to
work besoide me, gets up"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
STANDING Fad.

The wandering agent who was sell
ing cigar-bands found Remus sitting
on the porch mending his fishing
lines.
y DO you have any fads down here
in Dixie?" asked the agent.
What am them, mister?" inquired
Remus, curiously.
why, take the collecting fad. Do
you make any collections of anything
down here?"
Remus laughed.
"oh, yeas. sah," he chuckled, ode
same collections we've always made.
De collection of pickaninnies en- dogs,
sab"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
FEW CAREssEs IN HER LIFE
Infinite Pathos in Remark Made BY
Little Philadelphia Child OF
the SIuns.

DR.. Herman L. During, superintend-
ent Of the Philadelphia City mission,
has for many years devoted his life
to the poor. Dr. During is the in
ventor of the pretze1 test for street
beggars. When a street beggar pleads
starvation, you buy him big German
pretzel at the nearest stand. II he
eats the pretzel, he is honest; if he
refuses 1t, he is a fraud.
DR.. During in his work among the
poor has learned many odd, quaint
things that he relates superbly, for he
Is born story-teller In an address
at Bala, apropos of the hard, rough
lives OF the children of the poor, he
related dialogue between two little
girls in Rum alley.
Maggie, wuz we ever kissed?' said
the first tot
"On'y wunst in me life wot kin
remember said the second. When I
Wuz in de Honnyman hospital wild
broken arm one o. de lady muses.
kissed me, an blushed like
child"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Selling a Poem
BY w. J. Hampton.

The editor was busy at his desk
Reused by signal cough he raised
his eyes and saw before him a husky
looking man, bowling with the suavity
of cleric
Are you the editor?" he inquired
courteously.
Il am" responded the editor with
no apparent warmth Of manner nor
pride in the announcement. rs there
anything I can do for your"
Il don't know yet. l have a poem
which"
What's the use of showing it to
me-" insisted the editor. I'VE do not
buy poetry"
'Just SO, just So" admitted the Wis
ftor, sweetly, Il state my case and you
state yours. 1t is admirable. Will
you have a drink"
This was variation which toon the
editor by surprise. At the same inc
it gave him an unexpected opportunity
which he was not slow to .,rasp.
Thank you," he said, rising, 81
will"
What will you take?" inquired the
visitor-host when they had lined up
one deep, in front of the mahogany.
Beer" said the editor briefly.
"a vile compound" commented the
visitor, but it's good enough for me.
Two beers, Mr.. Barkeeper"
They poured the potation down with
"hows" of mutual regard IS far as ap-
pearances went.
Have another" said the visitor.
Don't care if I do" responded the
editor.
They were disposed of with prompt
tude.
Have another" urged the visitor.
"Haye two more. What's few beers
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

The other day met farmer Wnom
1 had encountered two years Defore'
and who told me that he was prepar,
ing to take in summer boarders ana
would have an attraction over other
farmers for miles around. trieo 20
find out what it was, but ne was
mum, Recalling the incident at TINS
meeting / asked how his attraction
had worked.
Say, was a blamed fool! ne
blurted out in reply.
sa7he thing didn't take then
Take! why, man, it emptied my
house as fast as could fill it, There
wasn't a guest remained mere tnah
two nights
But what was the trouble!
"Why, / damned up creek ana
made a frogpond Of it, and ] went %
the trouble of catching a huno1eu
frogs and putting them In.
But what for?"
$50 that the frogs would sing m !.
boarders to sleep nights. thougnt y
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
through 7

through
Here l shall give realistic cut OF
Tommy lying on his back, horse dc
come back" or words to that effect
punctuated with arrows and in q
mussed-up condition generally-a pic.
ture well calculated to discourage even
the most ambitious and daring OF
youths from going west with the idea
of exterminating the willy aboriginals
what few we have left.
There will be many other striking
and valuable Lessons in juvenile ethics
embodied in the pages of the revised
Mother Goose" but refrain from
giving them here. Enough has already
been printed to demonstrate that this
is work that must Individually prove
of the greatest utility in demonstrating
the rising generation and teaching
them that the poet was merely stating
the frozen and irrefragable truth
when he gave utterance to the now
familiar and famous remark-"There's
no place like home"
Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

the accompanying illustration. in the
Mother Goose With Moral" and
that longing will be gone forever.
The picture viii represent the pirate
swinging from the yard-arm of his
own vessel, having been captured and
executed for piracy on the high seas
Il intended to enclose cut of this
thrilling scene, but the artist has not
vet succeeded in getting the pirate
hung to his satisfaction-the artists
satisfaction, mean, so am not able
to do sol and beneath this illustration
will be found the following explanatory
lines:
THE SAD END OF PIRATE PETE.
pirate bold, in days of old.
Did sail the raging main;
His name complete was Pirate Pete,
His ship the Mary Jane.
One day. alas! it came to pass
This pirate shed some blood;
And then .tis said they killed him dead,
And changed his name to Mud!
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Who Said Them2

The golden text was Suffer the 1T
tie children to come unto me-" and it
had been recfted to the class by a
cherub on the front bench. Later in
the afternoon the teacher, in the
course of the lessons, had occasion to
refer to the text.
Now, children" she said, who said
those words?" and she repeated them.
A hand went up from one of the larger
boys on the back bench, and receiving
permission to answer, he said, pointing
to the cherub: That little Teller down
there"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Called.

When they drew near an ice-cream
soda sigA he started up an animated
conversation to divert her attention
However, she was wise to the trick.
Darling he whispered rapturous
~, you are the prettiest girl I ever
met. You are as pretty as a picture
postal card
She smiled sardonically.
Indeed" she responded. "And ola
you know, Percy, that you remind ma
OF a picture postal card
"Ah. because am SO handsome7'
No, because you ;sTe SO cheap"
And after that there was nothing ia
do but take her back to the marble
counter and set up the sodas
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

| between friends?''
Il don't want any more" the edito1
protested, growing rancorous. u
never drink at this hour
Neither do T." said the visitor
calmly.
well, what in thunder did you ask
me down here for?" ..
The visitor began unfolding his
manuscript and out of the center of
the roll he took four-Iine stanza
which he handed to the edito-.
''What'Il you give?" he inquired in
true trader fashion.
"Um-er," said the editor looking 1t
over critically, I'll go you a quarter
on it."
It's yours" responded the visitor
with a sad smile of sacrifice. Now
please put your name to this" and he
passed over slip on which was writ
ten: Your poem is accepted" The
editor saw no harm in compliance and
signed his name officially. He was get.
ting out of it a whole lot better than
he thought he would. He went down
into his pocket and brought out two
dimes and a nickel. The visitor re-
turned him the nickel.
What's this for?" INQUIRED the
editor, nonp1ussed.
1.-THE drinks are on you," grinned
the visitor, dropping his previous
smooth manner. You see friend of
mine bet me $40 that l couldn't sell
any poetry to you and I want to break
even. You buy the drinks and he
pays the bet, see? But 1 thought
when you accepted my invitation to
drink that I had lost out" he added
with laugh in which the editor
Joined, and asked him to call again.
Copyright, 1905 by W. G. ChapmauA
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

to put new life and strength into my
system and helped me in every way.
My husband had an experience almost
the same, and it is with pleasure that
we both recommend Doan's Kidney
Pills"
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Eoster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Most Powerful sesrctIiott

The flagship Connecticut of the
United States navy is now eouinned
with the most powerful searchnght in
the world. The great mirror is five
feet in diameter, and was made for
the government in Germany. The
searchlight VIII throw such an i'm.
mense beam Of Right that it viii be
able to detect submarine or torpedo
boat at distance of ten niles
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
cuticura Met with Great Success.

81 have two little girls who have
been troubled very badly with eczema.
One of them had it on her lower
limbs. / did everything that I could
hear of for her, but it did not give
In until warm weather, when it seem
ingly subsidized. The next winter when
1t became cold the eczema started
again and also in her head where it
would take the hair out and leave
bare patches. At. the same time her
arms were sore the whole length of
them. I took her to a physician, but
the child grew worse all the time. Her
sisters arms we're also affected. I be-
gan using Cuticura Remedies, and by
the time the second lot was used their
skin was soft and smooth. Mrs Charles
Baker, Albion, Me-, Sept. q, '08."
Potter Drug Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

He was president" he exclaimed.
Mr.. Rockefeller tapped his toe with
his golf stick. ITO be sure" he cried.
"a golf enthusiast forgets everything,
you see, but his links and DOGGY. re-
member now he sent me bill one
tfme-some $4,000, 00o-a trivial mat
ter that l had almost forgotten till
you recall it by this mention of the
presidency. l forgot now what it was
for-possfbly an over-charge on a light
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

fear his being out of the public eye
will retard his advance. He was at
enc time, believe, in the government
service at Washington have read
his name, it seems to me, in connec-
ton with some lawsuits, have I not?
Ny memory is not as keen as it was
once, I am sure"
The press correspondent gasped.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
What Kind Of an "omee. j"

Once upon time child who was
asked on an examination paper to de-
fine mountain range, replied: "a
iarge-sized cook stove" The same
method of reasoning seems to go with
older growth A recent examination
paper at the Sheffield Scientific school
at Yale contained the question, What
is the Office Of the gastric iuice?" And
the answer on one paper read: THE
stomach. "-Everybody's Magazine.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

Tor some time with
rheumatic pains in
my limbs and was
weak and languid.
The irregularity of
the kidney secre-
tons also caused
m NC b annoyance.
After using Doan's
Kidney Pills I did
not have these trou-
bles. They seemed
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
ntace of the Lower Berth.

Advantages OF the LoWeF bsFtHa
81 see that the Pullman Company
is going to make difference in rates
between the upper and lower berths. !"
eyes. and I suppose the lower berth
viii be the higher priced one."
mo doubt"
$50 that the man who sleeps in the
lower berth will have to pay some
thing additional for the chance Of
getting his face stepped on by the
man in the berth above"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
A Ouandarv

"A necklace of diamonds has been
stolen from mel" said Mrs. Cumrox.
Aren't you going to notify the po-
ltce?" Il don't know what to do It
does seem rather classy to be robbed
Of iewelry; and yet hate to have peo-
pie think I'd ever miss O little thing
like a necklace"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Catarrh Cannot Be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS. as they cannot reach
the seat OF the disease Catarrh is blood constt-
tutional disease and In order TO it you must take
Internal remedies. Halls Catarrh Cure is taken In
ternaIy and acts directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces. Halls Catarrh Cure is not quack medi-
cine It prescribed by of the best physicians
IN this country for years and regular prescription
It is composed of the best tonics known, combined
with the best blood purifiers. acting directly the
mucous surfaces. The perfect combination Of the
two ingredients is what produces such wonderful
lts in curing catarrh. Send for testimonials, free.
F. J. CHENEY 4 CO., Props, Toledo, O.
Sold by Druggists, price 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
NOT A SUCCESS

was the cutest burned trick in the
business"
"And the frogs didn't sing?"
Sing? They sung to beat the band.
Never heard such singing in all my
born days. You could hear it a mile.
Lord, but how those frogs did tune
'er up!"
Then where was the failure" /
asked.
I'm the boarders, sir. Not blasted
one Of them that struck my place had
an ear for music!"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
An Obstacle 70 MutuaI Esteer.

Natives who grow fat and muscular
on a chunk of pineapple or the fin of
a haddock can never enter into per-
feet brotherhood with us who live to
eat, while they merely eat to live
Singapore Straits Budget.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

Free! A Toe package of Garfield Tea to
anyone mailing us this notice, with name
and address, and names and addresses OF
10 friends not now using the Ideal Laxa-
tive Garfield Tea Co., Brooklyn, N. Y.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

All pleasure must be bought at the
price OF pain. For the true, the price
is paid before you enjoy it; for the
false, after you enjoy it.-John Foster.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Two WaYs

Does Mrs. Gabby disseminate cir
cumiacent information
mo, she doesn't; she just gossips
about the neighborhood."
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

Those who keep Hamlins Wizard Oil in
the house do not have to buy any other
remedy for sore throat. No other rem
edy will cure this trouble so quickly or so
surely. Remember this.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

When thousands of women say that they have been
cured of their ailments by certain remedy does this not
prove the merit of that remedy?
Thousands of have written the story of their
suffering and have told how they freed from it by
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound for thirty
years these reports have been published all America
Without great merit this medicine could never have
gained the largest sale of any remedy for womans ills
never could have become known and priced in nearly every
country in the world.
Can any let prejudice stand between herand that
which will restore her health2 If you believe those who
have tried it you know this medicine does cure.
Read this letter from grateful woman then make up
cure you
Brooklyn, N Y."T firm believer Lydia E.
Vegetable Compound
well again. had beartng-dOwn palms, backache headache
and abdomen, tried Compound
last The result astonishing
and advocated SINCE 1T is expectant
mothers. have often said
thrown the sky with search-lght
be convinced
husband joins praise. kidney
trouble and been entirely cured-s e. A. Bishop
Atlantic AVe- Brooklyn N. Y.
For 80 years Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable NSS@~SA
Compound has been the standard remedy for 0V@NN&K
female Ills No sick does justice to M - NSANM
herself who will not this famous medicine. III %aAT
Made exclusively from roots and herbs, and II II II
has thousands of cures to it's credit IL ~ n
Mrs. Pinkham invites (M IN
- to write her for advice. She has M\FaS&GsSSIM
guided thousands health free of SS1%1ta
Address Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn, Mass. G761
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
suns, stars, comets = Go.

''Why do they so often name news
papers after the heavenly bodies?"
That's easy-because they shed
light upon the earth"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Try Murine Eve Remedy

For Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes.
Compounded by Experienced Physicians.
Conforms to the Pure Food and Drugs
Law. Murine Doesn't Smart. Soothes Eye
Pain. Try Murine for Your Eyes.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Rough on Rats, unbeatable exterminator

Rough on Rats, unbeatable exterminator
Rough on Hen Lice, Nest Powder, 25c.
Rough on Bedbugs, Powder or Liq'd, Csc.
Rough on Fleas, Powder or Liquid, Is.
Rough on, Reaches, PoW'd, 15c. ,Liq'd Csc.
Rough on Moth and Ants, Powder, 25c.
Rough on Shelters, agreeable touse, Csc.
e. S. Wells, Chemist, Jersey City, N. ].
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
The Anpranrlate Place.

''That ship carries big cargo Of
eggs"
do they carry eggs in ship or In
the hatches?''
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
ONE AGREEMENT.

Mr.. Henpeck-It's no use. We can't
agree on a single subject.
Mrs. Henpeck-You're wrong, dear.
I always agree with you on the
weather
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
Ask Your Druggist for Aliens Foot-Ease.

'T tried ALIENS FoOT-EAsE recent
~, and have just bought another supply.
1t has cured my corns, and the hot, burn
Ing and itching sensation in my feet which
was almost unbearable, and would not
be without it now.-Mrs. w J. Walker
Camden, n. j. Sold by all Druggists, 25c
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

Mrs. Windows Soothing Syrup.
For children teeth1ng, softens the gurus reduces I'm
dammaton, aays pain, cures wind colic Csc bottle
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05

Fly time and baseball are very prop
srly contemporane0us.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-06-05
A Diplomat.

Mother-Aren't you ever going to
get over fighting, Willie?
WiIlfe-Yes'm m, when I'm licked.