davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04
Mr.. Dooley on The Tariff

to cost We more to indulge ye'er taste
in ennervating luxuries. Dye know
Sinitor Aldhrich? Ye don't? Pm sur
prised to hear it. He knows We. Why,
he all but mentions ye'er name in two
or three places. He does so. 'Tis as if
Hinnissy. is turnin' tn heads " our
young men with his garish display. Be
fUre this, countries have persisted be
cause iv tn estimation iv tn arrystoc-
racy. We must presarve tn ideels iv
American simplicity. Wen show this
vulgar upstart that he can't humilyate
his fellow citizens be goin' around
dhressed up like an Asyatic favrite iv
tn Impror Nero. be hivens. How will
we get at him?' says he. Wen put a
tax Nv sixty per cent on ready made
clothin' costin' less thin ten dollars a
suit That'H teach him to squander
money wrung firm Jawn D. Rockwell
lar in tn Roo dilly Pay. Wen go fur
Their thin that. Wen put a tax iv forty
per cent on knitted underwear costn'
less thin a dollar twinty-fve a dozen.
Wen make a SPECIAL assault on wooden
socks an cowhide shoes. Wen make an
example iv this here pampered babe "
fortune says he. An there it is. Ye
haven't got a thing on ye'er back EXCEPT
ye'er s6in-an' that may be there,
haven't got as far as tn hide schedule
yet-that amt mentioned in this here
boolwark w our liberties. It's ye'er own
fault. If We viii persist in wearin' these
gee-gaws yen have to pay f'r thin. If
We will go on decoratin' ye'er house with
shingles an paint an putin paper on
tn walls an adornin' tn inside Nv it
with ye'er barbaric taste f'r eight day
clocks, cane bottom chairs an karosene
lamps. we've got to settle. that's all.
we've Haunted ye'er wealth too long in
tn face iv a sturdy people.
''Ye'd think tn way such as We talk
that ivrything is taxed. It amt so. It's
an insult to tn pathritism iv congress
to say so. TIL Republican party, with
a good deal " assistance firm tn pa
Throttle Dimmycrats. has been thrue to
its promises. Look at tn free list, if We
don't believe it. Practically ivrything
nicissry to existence comes in free.
What. FIR example. says ye? III look.
Here it is. Curling stones. There I
told We. Curling stones are free Yen
be able to buy all ven need this sum
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

Well sir" said Mr.. Dooley, its a
gr-r-rand wurruk thin sinitors an cor
gesSmen are dom in Wash'nton. Me
heart bleeds fr tn poor fellows, steam
in' away unlher tn majestic tin dome
iv th capitol thryin' to rejo0ce tn tar
it o. a weight where it can stand en-
Oh same platform with me frind Eig
ri,I without eDdangerin' his life. Nh
likes iv We wad want to see tn tariff
rejoCced with a jack plane or an ice
pick, But I'll tariff has been g good
hiuG 20 some iv thin boys an it's a
firms iv frinds iv some iv tn others an
they don't intend to be rough win il. A
little gentle massage to rejooce tn most
prom neut prochooberances is all that
is nicissry. Whiniver they rub too hard
an. III tariff begins to groan Sinitcr
Aldhrich says: Go a little asier there,
boys He's very tender in some iv thin
schedules. P'raps we'd betther stop fr
U day an give him a little nouTish-
ment to build him up, he says. An
I'd last heerd about il, tn tariff was
Tar firm bein' tn wan an emacyated
e,at6er we'd like to see comm out iv
IN sinir chamber. 1t won't have 70 be
he-ped onto ye'er back an ye won't no
uce amy diff'rence in its weight. No.
ST. shudden't be surprised if II was
near-ier thin liver.
Me congressman stint me a copy iv
IN tartn bill tn other day. He's a fine
IeIo"r that congressman " mine. He
.ooAs atther me inthrests well. He
ANo"S what a great reader am.
uon.t care what I read. So he stint lhe
copy Nv tn tariff bill an I've been
s'4uyin. IT f'r a week It's a fine piece
summer lithrachoor It's full iv ac-
'.'n an romance. 7 haven't read amy
uing to akel it since I used to set tn
Dead"ood Dick series.
III IN favor Nv havin' it read on tn
Ioorth iv July instead iv tn deciara-
Don w indypindance. It gives ye some
--ee lF tn kind iv gloryous governmint
sIe Twin undher to see OUR fair Co
.--lo'a putin her brave young arms
-l an defndin' tn products iv our
'' Ir m steel rails to porous plasthers,
As an eyes. ARTIFICIAL horse hair
zone castings. which comes undher
mead iv clothin' an I suppose is a
-'e name f'r pantaloons.
." eoorse, low sordid people Ike We.
'''ssY viii kick because it's goin'
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04
The Man in Market Street.

time canary bur-rds cud be taught to
eat pork chops. Nanny sinitors
thought that tn next step wud be to
take tn duty off cutie fish bone an
thus sthrike a blow at tn very heart iv
our protective system. But Sinitor Till
man, who is a gr-reat frind iv tn
canary bur-rd an is niver seen without
wan perched on his wrist, which he has
taught to swear, put up a gallant fight
FIR his protegees an thousands ~ can
airy bur-rds sang with a lighter heart
that night. Canary bur-rd seed will be
very cheap this year, an amy Ameri-
can wUrrukin' man that keeps a canary
bUr-rd needn't go to bed hungry. There
ought TO be some way iv teachin their
wives how to cook it. 1t wUd make q
nourishin' dish whin We have whetted
ye'er face on a piece iv cutie fish bone.
I'm sure that tn reason American
wurrukin' men don't hop around an
sing over their wurruk is because they
are improperly fed.
Eyes. sir. canary bur-rd seed is free
What else? Lookin' down tn list I see
that dfvvy-divvy is free also. This was
let in as a compliment to Sinitor Al
dhrich. It's his motto. Be tn inthra-
ductiOn iv this harmless dhrug into tn
discussion he's been able TO get a bill
through that's satisfactorily to ivrywan.
But I am surprised to see that spunk
is on tn free list. Is our spunk indus
three dead? Is there no pathrite to de-
mand that we be PROTECTED against tn
pauper spunk iv Europe? Maybe me
frind Wnlum Taft had it put on tn
free list. I see in a pa-aper tn other
day that what was needed at tn White
house was a little more spunk. But
does he have to import it firm abroad.
I ask We? Isn't there enough American
spunk.
well. sir. there are a few Nv. tn
things that are on tn free list. But
there are others. mind We. Here's some
iv thin: Apatite. hog bristles. wurrulcs
iv art more thin twinty years old. kelp.
marshmalIows. life boats. silk worm
eggs, stills. skeletons, turtles an
leeches. TIL new tariff bill puts these
familyar COMMODITIES within tn reach
iv all. But there's a bigger surprise
waitin' for We. I suppose we've been
world a good deal about how much it
was going to cost We to get ye'er this
years yacht through tn custom house
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

a ball iv hop. Befure We smoke up
p'raps ye can't see where I'll tariff has
been rejooced. But afther we've had a
long dhraw it all becomes clear to We.
Ye'er worries about tn childhren's shoes
disappear an We see ye'ersilf fiOatn
over a purple sea iv alazarin' in ye'er
private yacht, lulled be tn London
Times, surrounded be wurruks Nv art
more thin twinty years old, atm marsh
mallOws an canary bur-rd seed, while
tn turtles an ieeches frisk on tn bin
nacle. An Abraham Lincoln comes in
an removes his pitcher firm tn wall
an puts up a lithygraft iv tn man who
freed Opyum fr smOkin'. An We whis-
per to ye'ersilf: They have retooced
tn tariff as they promised An it's
all right till ye'er pipe goes out.
"Well. sir, if nobody else has read
tn debates on tn tariff bill, have. An
III tell ye, Hinnissy. that no such ora
thry has been heerd in congress since
Dan1 Webster's day, if thin. Tn walls
Nv congress hall has resounded with tn
Hottest sintimints Hnnery Cabin
Lodge in accents that wud melt tn
heart iv tn coolest mannyfacthrer iv
button shoes has pleaded f'r freedom fr
tn skins iv cows. I'm sorry to say that
this appeal firm tn cradle iv our lib
critics wasn't SUCCESSFUL. tn hide iv tn
pauperized kline iv Europe will have to
cough up at tn custom house befurc
they can be convarted into brogans.
This patriotic result was secured be tn
gallant Bailey iv Texas. A fine libral
minded fellow, that lad Bailey. He's
an ardint free thrader, mind We. He's
almost a slave to tn historic principles
" tn Dimmycratic party. Ye bet he is.
But he's no blamed bigot He can have
principles an he can lave thin alone
An I want to tell We. me frind, that
whin It comes to disthributin' tn honors
fr this reform iv tn tariff don't ye fail
to throw a few flowers or, if bricks are
handler. bricks at tn representatives iv
our small but gallant party. It was
fine thing to see thin standin' be tn
battle cry iv our grand old organyza-
ton.
Says tn sinitor firm LOuisyanny.
Louisyanny, tn proudest iooI in tn
dyadim iv our fair land. remains thrue
to tn honored teachfn's iv our leaders.
tn protective tariff is an abomynation.
It is crushin' out tn lives iv our peo-
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

Ye were, weren't ye? I've noticed it..
Ye've had to pinch here an there. Ye've
given up smokin'. Whin ye'er wife
come to We an told We she was goin' to
buy a new hat we've said: Hadn't We
betther put it off till we see what we
have to pay in JOOties on that new six
thousand horsepower toOrbine yacht
that We so foolishIy ordered whin We
were in England visitin' Andrew Car
naygie? Well, sir. We can tell ye'er
wife to go down an Ordher tn biggest
peach basket in tn window f'r, Hin
Missy, me boy, firm now on yachts can
be imported free. Here it is if We don't
believe me: Yachts free iv joOty.
Thin simple wurruds will bring a new
hope to nanny a toiler an whin We go
sailin' off to ye'er wurruk with ye'er
shovel on ye'er shoulder next winter
We can thank Nelson Aldhrich that We
don't have to buy an autymobiH or
walk.
''Ye feel betther now about undher-
wear costin' less thin a dollar twinty-
five a dozen, forty per clint, don't ye?
Well, I've saved tn best f'r tn last.
What dye think ends tn free list? I'll
give We twinty chances an yeH niver
guess Blankets? No. Sugar? Wrong.
Flannel shirts? Thry to be little
practical, Hinnissy. Sinitir Aldhrich
amt no magician. Well, I might as well
tell We if ye're sure ye'er heart is
sthrong an We can stand a joyful sur
prise. Are We ready? Well. thin, joss
sticks an opyUm fr smokin' ARE on
tn free list If they amt I'm Chiny-
man an if they are I'll be wan pretty
soon. How often have I envied Hop
Lung whin I see him burnin' his price
less joss sticks while I had to worship
with an infeeryor stencil put up in
Grand Rapids. Michigan. How often
have I seen him lyin' on top Nv me
weeks washin' pullin' away at tn savry
rooster brand an dhreamin he was tn
Impror " Chiny while I've had TO con-
tint meseIf with stogy that give me
a headache! But that day is passed.
Ne good an great frind firm Rhode Isl
and has made me tn akeI iv amy Chink
that liver rolled a pill. TIL tariff bill
wudden't be complete without that
there item. But it ought to read: 'Opy-
UNI fr smokin' while readin' tn tariff
bill Ye can take this sterlin' piece Nv
lithdachoor to a bunk with ye an light
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

mer FIR practically nawthin'. No more
viii ladies comm into this country
have to conceal curling stones in their
stockin's to avoid tn Ubiquitous Gus
toms.
What else? Well, teeth. Here it is
in tn bill: Teeth free iv jooty.' IN
dher tn Dingley bill they were heavily
taxed. Onless We cud prove that they
had cost ye less thin a hundred dollars
or that We had worn thin f'r two years
in Europe, or that We were bringin
thin in f'T scientific purposes or to give
a museem, there was an enormous jooty
on teeth. TIL govermint used TO sind
PROFESSIONAL humorists down to I'll
docks to catch tn teeth smugglers. But
firm now on We can flaunt ye'er teeth IN
tn face iv amy inspector. Ye don't
have to declare thin. Ye don't have to
puc thin in tn bottom iv ye'er thruuk
Ye don't have to have thin chalked or
labelled befure ye get off tn dock. Ye
don't have to hand a five to tn inspector
an whisper: I've got a few bicuspids
that I picked up while abroad Be
good fellow an let me through. No,
sir. teeth are free.
What other NECESSITIES, says We?
Well. there's sea moss. That's a good
thing. Ivry poor man will appreciate
havin' sea moss to stir in his tea. News
papers, nuts an nux vOmica ARE free
Ye can take tn London Times now.
But that amt all by amy means.
They've removed tn jooty on Pulu. I
didn't think they'd go that far. but in
spite tv tn protests iv tn Pull foun-
dhries iv Sheboygan they ruthlessly
sthrUck it firm tn list iv jootyable ar
ticles. Ye know what Pulu is, Nv coorse,
an I'm sure yen be glad to know that
this refreshin' bev'rare or sOop is on tn
free list. Sinitor Root in behalf iv tn
pull growers iv New York OBJECTED. but
Sinitor Aldhrih was firm. No. sir he
says. we must not tax anything that
enters into tn daily life ~ tn poor he
says. While not a dhrinktn' man me-
silf. am no bigot, an I wud not deny
amy artisan his scuttIe iv pulu,' he
says. So pull was put on tn free list,
an iv eoorse zapDer an AIazarin had
to go on, too. as it is on'y be addin' thin
tOpulU that ye can make axle-grease.
There was a great struggle over
canary bur-rd seed Representatives, iv
ths Chicago packers insisted that in
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04
A YOUNG CLERGYMAN WHOSE FORE-
SIGGT And WURAGE PREVENTED
TTE CFTY IN MS NOUD OF EXTREffE
pClIL FpeN Being VISITED M A HOP
ROR WORSE EYEN THAN It'd STORh

preaching blocks away. No one IS fear
less of danger then. The brave are
those who overcome their fear.
Down Market street in a blistering
sun, out in the middle of the road, went
Father Kirwin until he got to the shah
by lodging house. From the frightened
landlord he got the information that the
sufferer was in a room above. In a
dark, foul cubbyhOle Kirwin found a
man in a high fever. The sufferer was
i'm a stupOr. The priest, soon as he was
able to open the blinds of the one wee
window of the little room, was horror
stricken by what he saw. The sheets
and bed clothes were stained with black
In yellow fever, the black vOmit means
death within a few hours.
The stencil of the place, the repulsive-
ness of the sight before him and the
physical lOathing that comes upon per-
sons at certain times combined just
then TO spur the young clergyman to
fight. He turned and started out of the
room, his hands tWitching, his knees
shaking and his face ashen. The per-
SEPARATION was dripping from him and his
heart was beating so hard and fast that
he hardly could breathe.
When almost out the door his cour-
age returned in part. And with the first
return of courage came the voice of
conscience telling him that he had con-
secrated his life to God and man. Trem-
blingly he stepped back into the ROOM
There were a few moments of struggle
and then he was master of himself. And
when the struggle ended ne sank on his
knees beside that foul bed and prayed
as he never prayed before. He loved
life. loved it as only a young, vigor-
Gus man could, but his prayer was one
of thanksgiving for being saved from
the sin Of unfaithfulness to duty and
ov-r17
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

vomit. I have a high fever myself
The callers shUddeTGd and fOCked into
a side room. With the way clear the
priest went to his study and rang his
bell. When the housekeeper responded
ne called to her TO get fresh clothes for
him and leave them outside the door.
After bathing and dressing himself
anew ne went to the churchyard, dug a
hole and buried his old clothes there.
Maybe it was the cool bath after the
terrible heat that sOOthed him, but sud-
denly the fever seemed to subside. And
then there came a knocking at his door.
Some Of the callers insisted on seeing
the priest even if he had been with
dying patient He tried to dissuade
them, but it was no use. and see them
he did. After they were gone he re-
turned to his study. He had much to
do. There were the affairs of the parish
to straighten out before the fever over
came him. There were letters to rela-
tives and friends to write-letters of
farewell Hurriedly he set to work Tt
was nearly midnight when he finished.
Then he went into the church he loved
and there on the altar he offered up his
prayers Tt was long after midnight
when he left the altar and went back to
his study. He felt his brow. Yes the
fever was returning. He wondered IL
he would live until dawn. In the big
chair I'm his study he thought he would
sit for fifteen minutes or so, reading
one of the books of his beloved car
dinaI and then-and then he would 90
to slJmber, probably never 10 awake
again.
The book Of the cardinal was on the
floor and the suns rays were lighting
st. Mary's spires when the young
priests eyes opened. He felt stiff and
Continued on Page 6,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

Bravery. say the photographers, is
faarlessness I'm danger. Maybe II is
What. then, of the men who are fearful
Of danger. but have the moral courage
10 overcome physical fear and who meet
danger desufte all its real and imagined
tsrrg~52 Some men are brave under one
condition and almost COwardly under
another. Some men may be magnifi-
Gently brave one day and full of fear the
next Ii Is a matter of official record
that one of the finest regiments in the
confederate army. regiment that was
the pride of StOnewaH Jackson, fled
uanic-stricken from its camp at night,
barefooted. barelegged and without their
arms. A COW had gotten loose near the
suffers quarters and had stumbled
among the tin pans. Once. in CinCin-
natl I saw a disOrganiZed mob Of a few
hundred men put half a regiment Of
militia 10 flight, but a few days later
a few companies Of the same regiment
were sufficient 70 control the city. The
miIitiamen. i'm their first encounter, did
not have the moral courage to shoot.
The mob knew IT, Later the situation
was changed. The mob knew it. Pos
sbiy bravery under such conditions Is
q state Of mind.
once 1 saw EDWARD j. Geenan, a re-
port p take advantage of a temporary
luII Do the firing in a sanguinary battle
between 800 negro strikers and posse
C0m'tatus, to walk leisurely from the
ranks of the posse straight across the
battlefield where the strikers were en-
trenched. He wanted to interview the
leader Of the strikers, and write the
story of the battle as seen from the
two camps. And he did.
According to the photographer def
milton that was bravery As a fact il
was rank folly.
There went TO Texas in the middle
'gls a young man of whom the outside
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

And then, thinking the unconscious
man might die at any moment he ad-
ministered the last rites of the church.
That done, he began to clean the foul
room as well as he could. He stripped
the soiled sheets from the bed and
washed the fevered head of the man.
From another room he got a clean pill
low, and this he put under the sticken
mans head. For ten or fifteen minutes
he labOred cleansing the place and at
last had it a little puTer. Weak and
trembling. but with head erect, he went
down stairs.
At the Portal of the Beyond.
To expose other persons to contagion
now that he had been so near to a case
of the dreaded black vOmit he appre-
ciated was little short of criminal, so
he took to the middle of Market street,
between the car tracks. The sun beat
down no less pitilessly than half an
hour before, and to the weak and trem-
bling young man that long walk
through the silent street was agonizing
One or two persons met him on the way
and saluted him, and that was all
When he reached Centre street, on
which his church was situated, he con-
tinued in the middle of the road, but
now he had to walk through the sand
and walking through deep sand in the
sub-tFOpics at such time is not sOOth-
ing to one suffering physically and men
tally.
As he opened the side door of the
church several persons who had been
awaiting his return, either to make con-
fession, to seek advice or to get him
to go to stricken relatives, started for
ward to greet him.
Don't come near me" he command
ed. 1t is dangerous. I just have been
with a man who is dying of the black
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-04

young priest from Ohio With nearly
half of his Pensioners i'll and the re-
mainder in need Of consolation he had
every hour employed. There were not
enough physicians or nurses to attend
the stricken, so he had to play the part
Of physician, if not nurse, in many
cases. It was early in the epidemic that
he received a call to visit a man i'll in
one of the lodging houses in West Mar
ket street. The part of Market street to
which he was summoned bears the same
relation to Galveston that the BOwery
in its old days did to New York, and
which a portion of it does today.
The Man in Market Street.
Only a person who has been in a
fever-stricken place can understand its
atmosphere, its dread stiffness, its air of
impending disaster, the terror of its de-
serted streets, the haunting fear that
possesses even the dogs. Man seems
afraid of his kind and goes out into the
roadway to avoid a person he sees ap-
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1909-04-09
UNIVERSITY NEWS

At the John r. Park debate held at
the u. of ". last evening. J. NJ Carl
SON. r. a. Hartley ana n. b. Audcr-
son were chosen % form team 20
debate with the Colorado College two
weeks hence. The debate viii boz held
Iu This city. Mr. Carlson was in the
team that met the University OF Col
oradO last year but neither Mr. Hart
loy nor Mr. Anderson have participated
in interstate debate. Both. however
arc prominent BOZ local debating cir
Giles.
Tho fourth and nth year normal
girls VIII entertain at the next meet
ing of the Womaus league. a rec
ccption is 20 be held ln the library hall
Monday, from 3 10 6 o'clock.
Next week the senior normal stu
dents viii spend an week visiting
schools Monday Tuesday and We'd
nesday in tine schools OF the city and
county; Thursday and Friday az tho
training school This will be the final
preparation for practise for the last
term, beginning the following week.
For class day the senior normsls
have selected a play called school"
by r. W Robinson. an English play
writer Changes iu characters and
settings have been made TO meet local
conditions.
Week after next the junior class will
edit the University Chronicle, and the
issue is expected 20 be a red letter"
number
Deseret evening news. [volume] (Great Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1867-1920, 1909-04-09

ern officials OF tho Pennsylvania lines
was concluded yesterday afternoon. and
General Manager Dawson ~ =. KEN
noy Spokane agent, Leon Engst ON,
salt Lake agent and D. T. Borl1u,
western superintendent of the line lcft
Tor Butte last evening.
y. IT Harvey. travelling passenger
manager of the Colorado SPRING. 81
cripple Creek district railway Del u
Salt Lake for o. few weeks Boa Che ln-
tcrest of bis road
D.. y. stoll. travelling freight agent
of The Nickel Plate line. with D. .II-
Guartors GO Omaha, is In the city Mr.
stou expresses his belief that tho bust
ness of the coming summer will show
ut least uuc-third Increase over any
previous year FOR western travel.
Major S. *. Hooper, general pas-
scngcr and ticket agent of the Denver
a. Rio Grlndo railroad returned Co
Denver thia afternoon. after attending
the MEETINGS OF the passenger depart
mcnt heads boz This city during the last
three days
4. &. Peck, general passenger agent
OF me SAT- Lake Route. and a. T
Lewis. chief rate clerk Left Tor Los An.
eeles last evening after the closing
se ,siou 90 The passenger rate confer
oncc.
y. H. Hornmg. general agent of
Che Denver a. Rio Graudo az Mautl is
in the city today on business.