The Washington herald., 1909-10-11
A FEW REMARKS ON COLLARS.

Prom Pearson's Wcekly.
Civilization has brought us several
curses: and one Of them is collars.
don't pretend TO know who Il was that
invented collars. but ! am quite certain
be was not a gentleman. / fancy he must
have been a laundryman with too much
spare time on his hands.
Fortunately. whoever he was. he IS
dead The unfortunate thing Is tnat
death failed 10 collar him before he had
collared the rest Of humanity-"4th the
emphasis on the man
The ragcaVs idea, Of course. was 20 in
crease his own business, and give his
brother-ln-law an excuse for inventing
the collar-stud. I trust he perished be
lore he could profit by his villany. though
hIs brother-ln-law lived to create de
mand Tor bad language which has never
been adequately supplied 10 this day.
II only the collar had acquired the van
ishing abilities OF the coilar-stud IN the
days OF it's youth. we might now be Nv
ing peacefully without either. As II
happened. however. the collar taught IT.
self only how 10 grow whiskers, so we
have 10 look for the stud
But though the Iaundryman who IN
duced us 20 line our noCks with linen has
a
his name forgotten IL is easy enough TO
see where ne got his inspiration from.
There is no doubt he was bad char
acter IN every way and at some period
or other Of his existence his neighbors
realized this fact and imprisoned his
head In a pilory. That a baulk Of timber
around his neck set him thinking, and
to-day We are wearing the outcome OF
his thoughts a muuain on his pensees'
the pesky varlet.
But in spite OF the torture inflicted by
collars-especially when, through constant
wearing. they are w0Tn-there IS quite a
lot OF character IN them. as well as inside
them.
From the fun and Happy piece of linen
which marks the Elton boy Of our board
schools 70 the artful celluloid contrivance
with which some INDECENT members OF
the community defeat the original OBJ
ject Of the inventor. there IS an infinite
variety of shape and style in our neck
protectors.
This IS a subject which could only be
adequately described IN lengthy treatise
on collars and their wearers, but I Will
mention one or two OF the more outstand-
ing examples.
Public speakers. with comparatively
3
ed linen which connects In front only
by the band. the upper ends getting lit
tie more than an occasional glimpse OF
one another around the windpipe The
reason for this is not far TO seek. II
enables our orators 20 wag their heads
freely. as well as their tongues.
Clergymen. on the other hand, are
merely the slaves Of a fashion. Some
misguided parsOn. having got out of bed
one morning upon the wrong side con-
tinued his erroneous career by putting
his collar on backward, and his wife
was so enchanted with the effect that
she insisted upon his repeating his mis-
take ever afterward The rest Of his
brethren, concelving him TO be a genius.
lost no time in following his example.
The modern Beau Brummel. or mash
ct. subjects his neck 10 the closest con
hnement possible without absolutely chok-
Ing himself He also wears the garment
(the collar is a garment my dictionary
saws SOD as high as possible. Nature
generously comes to his aid in this en-
deavor by giving him a small head, and
an inconsplcuous chin. so that ii it were
not for his hair. he might very we'll wear
the whole of his head in his collar. com
ing up at intervals 10 breathe.
The man OF genius, on the other hand
almost invariably wears rundown col
lar OF Juvenile shape and stunted growth.
ascribe this habit to the fact that the
man Of genius is always so busy with
his brains that he never has time to
notice that he himself has grown up.
But. whatever its shape, its size or
its condition. the collar is the sign-manual
Of the gentleman. Some OF Us may. and,
indeed, often do-contrive TO SO about the
world minus our cuffs to ward the end Of
the week. but none Of US dare TO go about
without our collars.
The really mean man uses pimple at
the back Of the neck as collarsstud;
but even a creature 50 depraved as this
would not dare 70 seek a substitute for
the collar. lest he should be mistaken
for a mere man.
I remember, some time ago. / was in
troduced to certain comedian by
mutual acquaintance. and, In describing
him afterward 90 a bosom friend. I re-
marked that he was very nice gentle
man.
How do you know he Is a gentleman"
demanded my friend tersely.
Because he had a collar on" replied
And that's just where Il is. collar
particularly II II be a fairly clean collar
enables everybody to recognize you as q
gentleman at first sight.
That's really why we wear them And
most OF us are so anxious TO prevent any
mistake that in spite Of all discomfort.
we would, II necessary, go TO bed IN
them.
AS e matter OF fact. know enc or two
individuals who actually do at times