West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1909-11-04

THE PAT LADY CHASED A "" AROUND.
woman had me In basket at Broad
way and Twenty-third trying to sell
me to fat lady. Old Mother Hub
bard was boosting me to beat the band
as q genuine Pomeranian- Hambleto-
MANFRED Cochin China Stoke Po-
gis fox terrier. The fat lady chased
"V" around among the samples of
grosgrain flannelette In her shopping
bag TIL she cornered It and gave up.
From that moment l was a pet-a
mammals own wootsy squidlums.
Say, gentle reader. did you ever have
O 200 pound woman breathing a flavor
of Camembert cheese and peau d'Es-
payne pick you mp and wallop her
nose all over you. remarkIng all the
time In an Emma Eames tone OF voice,
"Oh, oo's um oodlum, doodlum, wood
ium, toodium, bitsy witsy skoodlumsT
From 1pedigreed yellow pup grew
mp to be an anonymous yellow cur
looking like a cross between an An
gora cat and a box Of lemons. But
my mistress never tumbled She
thought that the two primevai pups
that Noah chased into the ark were
but collateral branch of my nnces-
tors. 1t took two policemen TO keep
her from entering me at the Madison
Square Garden for the Siberian blood
hound prize.
Ill tell you about that fat. The
house was the ordinary thing I'm New
York. paved with Parian marble In
the entrance hall and cobblestoues
above the first floor. Our fat was
three h--well, not fights-ciimbs up.
Ny mistress rented II unfurnished and
put In the regular things-1903 antique
unholstered parlor set. oil chrome OF
geishas in Harlem tea house. rubber
plant and husband.
BY Sirius, there was a biped felt
sorry fort He was a little man with
sandy hair and whiskers a good deal
like utne. Henpecked? Well. toucans
and aamingoes and peilcans oil had
their bills In him. He wiped the dish
es and listened TO my mistress tell
about the cheap. ragged things the
lady with the squirrel skin coat on the
second noor hung out on her line TO
dry. And every evening while she was
getting supper she made him take me
out on the end OF a string for a walk.
IL men knew how women pass the
time when they are alone they'd never
marry. Laura Lean Jibbey, peanut
brittle, n little almond cream on the
neck muscles, dishes unwashed, bali
an hours talk with the iceman, read.
Ing 4 package OF Old letters, n couple
Of pickles and two bottles OF malt ex-
tract. one hour peeklng through n hole
in the window shade into the fat
across the air shaft--thats about all
there Is 70 It. Twenty minutes before
time for him 70 come home from work
she straightens up the house. fxes her
rat 30 II won't show and gets out a
lot OF sewing for ten minute biun.
! led a dogs life In that fat. Most
all day I lay there in my corner watch.
ing that fat woman XIII time. I slept
sometimes and had pipe dreams about
being out chasing cats into Easements
ana growing at old ladies' with black
mittens, as a dog was intended TO do
Then she wJind pounce upon me with
q lot OF that driveling poodle palaver
and kiss me on the nose. But what
could DOT A dog can't chew cloves.
began 70 feel sorry for hubby, dog
my cats II / didn't We looked 20
much alike that people noticed u when
We went out So we shook the streets
that Morgan's cab drives down and
took 70 climbing the piles OF last De
eember's snow on the streets whore
cheap people live.
One evening when we we're thus
promenading and ! was trying to look
Ike prize 81 Bernard and the old
man was trying to look ike he
wouidn't have murdered the drst or
gan grinder he heard play Mendels-
sohn's wedding march / looked up at
him and said - my way;