Vernon County censor. [volume] (Viroqua, Wis.) 1865-1955, 1909-09-01
THE DEACON'S DAY.
BY N. QUAD.


be found on The side of law and order
and charity. The only thing in this
world that troubled him and his good
wife was the fact that they had a
nephew over at Saltville who was a
loud young man. Money had been left
him by on aunt, and he sported. He
not only sported at home. despite the
protests OF his widowed mother. but
re came over TO Riverton and sported
there. The deacon struggled and strug.
gled with linn, but it did no good.
He would drink cocktails, and he would
speed his auto around the town and on
the highways. and finally he was or
dered out of the deacon's house and
told never to return. Then the sporty
youth began to study how to get even.
Now, the deacon had a weakness for
sweet cider, though he didn't go tell.
ing it around. When cider making time
came he carted apples to the mill and
had one barrel of cider made-neyer
more. The cider would retain its
sweetness for about month. When
it hagan to get an edge on it. it was
provided with mother" and rolled
aside to become vinegar.
OF course this little one barreled af-
fair was known to the nephew, and
after little thought he saw his way
clear When the apes and the barrel
had been taken to the mill he was
ready with his plot. Perhaps he had
the aid of the owner of the mill, but
that has never been satisfactorily set
tied. There are thirty-two gallons of
cider in the average barrel. How many
gallons of something else went into the
barrel has not yet been solved by Sher-
lock Holmes. 1t was sufficient, no mat
ter what the number.
When the deacon went after his bar
rel 1t was ready for him, and never did
cider barrel look more innocent. 1t
was rolled down cellar to cool and was
not tapped until the afternoon of the
next day. Then the deacon's wife
went out to visit neighbor. and he
put a spigot in the barrel and drew a
glass to drink. He had been drinking
cider for twenty -three years, but never
did cider taste like that before. 1t had
peculiar taste. 1t had an agreeable
taste. The palate Just cried out for
more. The deacon gave it more He
was little bit frightened when he
found himself laughing, for he had not
laughed for sixteen years by the al
manac, but he drew another glass and
slowly slipped it and figured that he
must have mixed lot of Seek No Fur
ther apples in with the pippins At
any rate. he wasn't going to seek any
further for a good thing. Who can
tell just how many glasses of sweet
cider man will drink under favorable
conditions? You can't even guess at it.
When Deacon Hardstone assembled
from the cellar his eyes were shining
and his hair curling. He put on his
hat and walked out to the gate. won
dering why his heels were so springy,
and down by the postofice he saw an
auto. 1t was the one belonging to his
sporty nephew. He walked down there
to give the young man blast; but, not
finding him, he was seized with sud
den desire to take a ride all by his
lonesome He had been shown how to
start and stop the machine. Before
leaping in he whooped. He difu
mean to whoop. but the whoop so, ,er
whooped itself. Then he whooped
again as he started off.
The town of Riverton will never for
get that day. In fact, it is observed as
a SORT of holiday under the name of
'deacon's day" He put that auto at
It's fastest clip and went up and dowr
the four or five streets. He drove
everybody within doors. He immo-
lated twenty different runaways. He
whooped at the corners, and he whooped
in the middle of the blocks. Sometimes
he whoopea and swung his hat at the
same time.
When this happened the machine ell
ther grazed a tree or took to the side
walk and cleared off the kerosene bar.
rels in front Of the groceries. or
course it was plain that something was
wrong, and a hundred people would
have extended help If they could. but
the trouble was they couldn't.
But they stopped the deacon at last.
They piled dry goods boxes on the
street and ran him into a millinery
store and captured him. He was still
whooping. but he didn't fight back
when they carried him home and put
him to bed. OF course there was some
thing done about it. No deacon can
perform that way after SO many years
of probity without bit of scandal fol-
lowing. He had to toe the mark before
his church. He was dimly conscious
that he had drunk too much cider, and
he intended to own up like man and
ask that the contents of the barrel be
He was saved from this,
however A brother deacon suggested
that he submit his head for medical ex-
animation. and the suggestion was fol-
lowed A doctor felt of his bumps,
asked him a lot of questions and then
made medical report to the effect;
This is to certify that have care
fully examined into the mental condi-
ton of Deacon Hardstone. and l find
that his late performance was begot
encouraged aud finally
develcped by what is known to alien
Isis as brainstorm. don't think he'll
be dangerous again for several years to
come"
And after the charges against the
deacon had been dropped ne went home