Los Angeles herald., 1909-12-12
GRIDlRON CLUB
ENJOYS ANNUAL
FEAST AND FUN
N0TABLES MADE BUTT OF
Jokes BY Jewellers
COOKS AND PEARYS DIFFER.
ENcES ARBlTRATED
Speaker Cannon, as Usual, Forms Tar
get for Shafts of Wit of News
paper Men, and Roosevelt
Is Not Neglected
Associated Pressl

Associated Pressl
M ASHINGTON, Dec. 11.-President
w Taft and members OF his cabi-
net, senators, judges, scientists
and dipOmatists and men Of high sta
tion in public and private life passed
several hours tonight as the guests of
the Gridiron club in reVelry and song
and nonsense blended with wisdom.
They heard many homely truths told
| in strange form and enjoyed many a
joke at their own expense because Of
the genial humor in which the shafts
of wit were concealed. Men of strongly
| opposed politics, and others who al
though Of the same political party had
| round serious reasons for wide dtVerg-
ence, were present at the dinner and
listened, not only with philosophy, but
even with glee, to the comical eXploita
tion of their quarrels.
The distinguished company learned In
an authoritative way the truth about
the discovery of the north pole through
a scientific commission, which report
ed personally to the Gridiron club, and
| undertook to arbitrate the differences
! between Peary and Cook, who in this
| instance were represented by the two
| initiates into the club membership
| Edward L. Keen Of the United Press
and Ira e. Bennett of the Washington
Post and San Francisco Call.
Pole Is Recognized
| One of the explorers said he had iden-
titled the pole by the resemblance of
the climatic conditions to Inauguration
day in Washington. He had qualified
for his task by climbing Capitol hill to
| reach the appropriations committee.
| and was equipped with a fountain pen
and megaphone. The pole was found
! to be as far distant from land as Presi-
dent Taft found it from the insurgent
wigwam to Stand-pat Igloo.
Strange discoveries were made Santa
| Claus was found laden with heavy
packages marked My Policies--from
| T. r. to w. II. IT,
The aurora borealis rsembled the halo
that Taft put on Aldrich, while Can
mons halo resembled the midnight sun
(without the SUM. Matt Henson ap-
peared. claiming to have located the
pole in Savannah, and produced it in
the shape of BARRIERS pole, tunefully
telling of his exploits. The question of
identity being raised BARRIERS ruthlessly
removed the enormous hirsute append
ages of the pseudo-explorers and dis
closed the initiates.
Cannon Portrayed as Iron Duke
Then the electric bulbs were dimmed
and in the brilliancy of calcium light
| Uncle Joe Cannon was portrayed in
series of elastic poses on a pedestal as
| 1.-THE Iron Duke,'' with the inevitable
| cigar, grown to mammoth proportions
and tilted upward at the familiar sharp
angle, while the quartet chanted Il
ditty to the tune Of Pony Boy" the
first verse Of which went:
In the chair up in tho air sitting there
| See the Speaker, our own Uncla joe
| Hear him swear see him tear all his hair
| When insurgents defy him;
Every man in the house is as still as mouse
While Cannon is present;
Bur when he's away for day thny all play
| And say they don't fear him.
Scarcely had the guests turned again
| to their entree when the dinner was
interrupted by the noisy entry of II
dozen hard-faced old DANES, leading
meek and henpecked husbands. These
turned out to be a delegation of ag-
| gressive suffragettes, demanding
Votes for women" in strident voices.
Several noted men among the diners
| were called on to declare their posi-
| tions on this momentouS question, to
the great amusement Of the company.
Finally the president of the club de-
cided against the women's claims,
whereon they announced their purpose
! TO participate in the dinner, and We're
only driven away through a threat TO
feed them after the British fashion
| through the medium of a gigantic
stomach pump.
"The Battle Royal was a mirth
provoking stunt. Members of the club
clad in regulation ring outfits repre-
sented Battling Nelson, the Rhode
Island Terror; "Achilles Ballinger,
the Siwash Sirocco"; Gift Pinchot,
the Fighting Lumber Jack; Joe Can
! non, the Danville Bantam" and Herb
Parsons, the Candy Kid"
Before the mixup which was very
realistic, the cautious referee discoy-
cred concealed in the gloves of the
ILL Il.
| Jumps of coal axes, knives, pieces Of
steel and the like, calculated to inflict
mortal damage upon some of them.
President Taft's projected visit to
Alaska formed a subject of humorous
comment, and great solicitude was
shown for his comfort, and to make
| sure that his dietary would conform
to his simple tastes the proprietor of
| the hotel where he is to stop was
called upon to state the viands to be
provided. The list of dishes and meth
| ods of preparation afforded opportu
nifty for many good natured jokes at
the expense of the prominent guests.
Wants Cook and Peary on Raft
One man who wanted poached eggs
on toast heard his order translated
into zone Cook and Peary on a raft"
Capt. Archie Dutt who ordered hash
with red peppers and tabasco sauce
! was aStOunQeu 10 near the Cllel &c
| knowledge it as zone order of Roose-
welt policies" Zone Uncle Joe" was
the response to the suggestion that the
| president would like some "possum.
! What the general opinion was of the
president himself was musically set
out by the Gridiron quartet in song,
a verse of which ran (the tune being
Il love my wife, but o, you KIDD:
| Now Roosevelt once was president
Oh yes, he was;
/ But Mr. Taft now runs the job,
! Oh yes, he does;
/ Roosevelt now has gone a-huntiug.
| Shooting with his might and main;
/ Sc the politicians sing
| This musical refrain:
CHORUS
| We love; we love Roosevelt.
But, oh, you Taft
| He's gone away to Africa
| But, oh, you Taft!
! He said he would come back again,
And thereupon laughed,
We love. we love, we love Roosevelt,
But. oh, you Taft!
Then the correspondents voiced
]