The Holbrook news., 1909-07-02
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What did she get first when she inherited her billionT" "Furs and chauffeurs "-The Bellman.
 Hoax-Here comes Borleigh. Do you know him to speak to? Joax- Not If I see him first-Philadelph Record.
 "I am looking for a fashionable overcoat.'' "All right, sir, will you have it too short or too longY'-Flie- gende Blaetter.
 Mrs. Hicks-My husband has been just lovely to me all day. Mrs. Wicks lin! What was it you caught him doing?-Boston Transcript.
 She Cat the piano)-I presume you are a true lover of music, are you not? He-Yes, am; but pray don't stop playing on my account.-Judge.
 Hawkins-So you sent for doctor? Does he think you will be out soon7 Robbins-I imagine so. He said he wished I had sent for him sooner.- Puck.
 Little Girl-What's an intelligence office, mamma? Mother-It's a place where one goes to find out what wages cooks are charging.-New York Herald.
 She-Fred, do you believe that the pen is mightier than the sword? He Well, you never saw anybody sign check with a sword, did you?-Illus- trated Bits.
 Husband (getting ready for the the ater)-My dear, what In the world are you taking that newspaper along for? Wife (coldly)-To read between acts.-Life.
 Mrs. .Youngwife-What is the first question you ask of a maid whom you think of employing? Mrs. Oldone-I always say first, Have you ever lived with me beforeT-Life.
 Recruiting Sergeant-Do you know anything about the drill? Recruit-Av coorse Didn't Old jist tell ye Oi wurked in a quarry these foive year past?- Philadelphia Record.
 Uncle Jack, mother says you're i'll, so I thought I'd like to come and talk to you a bit'' That's kind of you" twill there be a band to play the Dead March at your funeral Ally Sloper.
 Indulgent Papa-Why, my dear, you had a party last month. How often do you wish to entertain your friends? She-This one is not to entertain my friends papa, but to snub my enemies. Life
 "For goodness sake, Harriet, why so sad?' "The cooks left, but that isn't the worst of it; she took with her the recipe-book for all the things Johns mother used to make. e."-Brook- lyn Life
 Fond Mother-Tommy, darling, this is your birthday! What would you like to do? Tommy, Darling (after a moments reflection )-I think 1 should enjoy seeing the baby spanked L. Paris Figaro.
 He (calling)-I'm here promptly, Miss Fannie. She-Yes, Mir. Staylate. He-I never like to keep people wait ing. She Significantly )-Waiting for you to come, you mean, of course Washington Post.
 "If I went out in a small boat" said was leaking, and 1 got drowned, what would that be?" After a few minutes silence a little boy stood up and said; "A holiday, sir !"-Catholic News.
 "Ma." said a newspaper mans son, T know why editors call themselves 'ue.'" "WhyY" Sos the man that doesn't like the article will think there are too many people for him to tackle" ."-Christian Work and Evange- list.
 an-You-aw-live in Cali fornia, l believe? American-Yes, sir; San Francisco is my home. English man-Quite so. An, I presume you frequently come in contact with my friends, the Courtneys, in Arizonah- an adjoining State, I believe?-Har- per's Bazar.
 Citizen-What'n you charge me, Un- cle Rastus, to cart away that pile of stone? Uncle RastuS About two dol lahs, sah Citizen-Isn't that very high? Uncle Rastus-Yes, sah, jes' fo' cahtin' away the stone, but I got ter hire a man to hep me hahness de mule.--Harper's BaZar.
 "I hope you were good little boy while at your aunt's and didn't tell any stories,' said his mother. Only the one you put me up to. ma," re piled her young hopeful. Why, what