The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-24
OLD PAP PINKHAsi.
He Unearths Conspiracies and
Smashes Them.

clerk is down cellar drawing a gallon
of n. o. molassas for old Mrs. Bridges,
and seize the opportunity to seat my
self at the desk and inform you of
certain events that transpired in Jeri-
cho yesterday. You will not find them
referred to in any manner in your
copy of the Jericho Weekly High Ball,
even IL you have time to open it this
week.
William. I have not been bounced
back into the postmastership here yet.
but I want you to know that your in
tereSt is my interest just the same.
We have citizen here by the name of
Jerry Skimmerhorn. He hasn't done
a stroke of work for the last fifteen
years. but has let his wife support him
by washing. You said in one of your
campaign speeches that If you were
elected work would be plenty. That
settled Jerry, and he voted against
you. Early yesterday morning l
learned that he proposed to present
the following preamble and resolu-
ton to the meeting of the village trus-
tees to be held in the evening:
whereas, The internal Japanese
come to this country and submit to
have the life-blood ground out OF
them in pints and quarts and gallons
day; and
''Whereas. This condition of affairs
is killing the ambition of tens of thou
sands of white men; and
w nereaS, Unless CtlGNhtu III
career the Jap will have home OF
his own and a bank account and be
drinking cocktails, now. therefore.
Resolved. That the President be,
and Is hereby instructed to forbid any
Jap from working for more than
dollar a day on penalty of being de-
ported from the country
on being informed of the above l
saw the scheme to get you in row
with the Mikado at the very beginning
nd I determined
it in the bud. There was no time TO
ask the governor to call out the mill
tia. simply sent for Jerry, and wheh
he came scuffling along l put II TO
him straight if he intended to plunge
this country into war for the sake
of getting even with you. He prompt
" replied that he did. b'gosh. L then
asked him down cellar TO help me
move a barrel of vinegar. He suspect
ed nothing until he saw me shed my
coat and vest and spit on my hands.
Then it was too late for him to get
William. in your interest. and with
that postmastership in the DIM 1uture'
I wailoped Jerry Skimmerhorn over
boxes and barrels until he hoIlered TOT
mercy and promised to be Taft man
from now on to the end of the world
and he got such a scare that ms VIE
thought he was his uncle when ne
rot home All for your sake. VIII
ton from becoming failure -
had Just got some sticking plaster
on nv skinned knuckles. and the DOS
ON of my shirt pinned up wheh l was
informed that Sol Stepoins' NM 10 IL
drunk most of the time and IN jan
the rest, had a little conspiracy Oh
2 his own as well. He intended to pre-
sent to the village trustees the lol-
lowing: 90 ,o,,,s
don't get drunk anu
have hilarious times; and
ssWhereas, they keep out or to"ll
1oekups and county jails in a way
perfectly discouraging to Whlte men ;
.avvbereas. the moral effect of the
foregoing is intended to degrade our,
selves our wives and our SONS anu
daughters; now therefore, .,,;s
Resolved, That the trustees OF III III -
town of Jericho request President IaIl
10 see to the enactment of a law py
rrbich no lap can come into this coun-
nv and consider himself more cocky
than the patriots whose lathei9 he
at Bunker Hill"
distance telephone William, to ASK
Won what should be done. but l dldn
frv to. Old Pap Pinkham always has
risen to occasions, and always WIN
/ rose to this one. l saw Sor I,i,,o
down the alley and overhauleo nun
There was a grin of triumph on ms
+ace He felt sure in his own mino
that he had prepared hundred nlght
mares for you for the next HunuIe u
flights. william, there was no one
present with a kodak to take pic
t,,re ~ that conflict. If there hao
been you'd be willing to agree VIII
me that Washington crossing the LEI,
aware wasn't in 1t. Legs and arms ano
bodjes fiIIed the air. and they were
the legs and arms and bodies or VII
lain who wanted to see you make
dire failure of running the country
He hollered at an early PERIOD, put
kent right on lambasting until M
wells for Taft were heard hair mile
Swav Give credit where credit is due
VViliiam Some men would have call
ed out the fire department. Old PaI
Pinkham simply called out hlmsen.
thought 1 had nipped the con
snIracies when 1 nipped Sol. but 1
was not SO. We have cranky Ole
citizen here who owns the only patcf
of horseradish in the town and makes
a trust of it. His name is B1dhouse
and when you came out during TN
campaign and said you should follow
the Roosevelt policies as to trusts NJ
started out to defeat you. Not sue
ceeding in that. he determined to ad
minister a fatal blow later on. wa
told that he had drawn up the follow
ing to present to the meeting of tn
trustees, and that they mad pledget
themselves to adopt 1t:
ssWhereas. We have innocent chill
dren attending the public schools; ant
s'Whereas, The Japs in this countr,
who have children want to, and d,
send their children to the sam
schools; and
''Whereas, Those Jap children ma,
be taught slang and profanity by tn
teachers and come to use it, and thu
pervert the morals of our dear limo
cents: now, therefore,
I 'tResolved, That we ask every stat