Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-12-25
ADVICE TO HUSBANDS.
Give Up Your Barren Scepter as Mas
ter of the House.

ter of tie House.
By official proclamation President
Johnson set apart the first Thursday
of December. 1868. as a day of ma
tional Thanksgiving. The American
residents and visitors in Paris deemed
it an occasion TO be celebrated with
more than usual ceremony. The re-
suit was that at o'clock on the even
ing of the 9TH of December some 253
of our countrymen sat down to 4
dinner in the spacious dining room of
the Grand hotel in Paris, then regard
ed by travellers as the most elegant
public dining hall in Europe.
After a succession of speeches the
chairman closed the entertainment
with a toast to "Our Countrywomen"
and asked Colonel John Hay. then
secretary of legation in Paris. to re-
spond to it. AS this was probably the
first public speech Mr.. Hay had ever
made and though nothing he then said
could possibly add any luster to his
subsequent career. it may justly be
said that it was more successful than
the first public effort in oratory either
of Sheridan or of Beaconsfield. He
replied in part as follows:
MY COuntrymen (and l would say
my countrywomen but that the for
mer word embraces the latter when
ever opportunity offers)-I cannot I'M
derStand why should have been call
ed upon to respond to this toast of
all others. having nothing but theo-
retical ideas upon the subject to be
treated-one. in fact, / must be pre-
sumed never to have handled. Laugh
ter and applause
Il have been called up, too. by a com
mittee of married men. / can think OF
no claim l have to be considered an
authority in these matters except what
might arise from the fact of my hav-
ing resided in early life in the same
neighborhood with Brigham Young.
who has since gained some reputation
as a thorough and practical ladies'
man. IGreat laughter.l l am not con-
scious. however, of having imbibed
any such wisdom at the feet of this
matrimonial Gamaliel as should justly
entitle me to be heard among the
elders.
so / am inevitably forced to the
conclusion that these husbands cannot
trust each others discretion. The Sc
crets Of the prison house are too i'm
portant to be trusted to one of the
prisoners. So ignorance of the matter
in hand has come to be held an abso-
lutte prerequisite when any one is to be
sacrificed to the exigencies of this
toast.
ct really do not see why this should
be so. 1t is useless for husbands to
attempt to keep this thin veneering of
q semblance of authority. The sym
bols of government they still retain de-
ceive nobody. They may comfort them
fort themselves with the assurance of
some vague. invisible supremacy, like
that of the spiritual mikado or the
grand llama, but the true tycoon is the
wife. witty and profound observer
the other day said. Every husband
doubtless knows he is master in his
own house, but he also knows his
neighbours wife is master in hers
Laughter and cheers.
why should not you, husbands of
America. admit this great truth and
give up the barren scepter? Things
would go much easier if you ceased
the struggle to keep up appearances.
The ladies will not be hard on you.
They will recognize the fact that. after
all. you are their fellow creatures. and
you can be very useful to them in
many little ways. They will doubtless
allow you TO pay their bills. take care
of their children and carry their votes
to the ballot box just as you do now.
you had better come down grace
fully, and. above all, let no feeling Of
discovered inferiority betray you into
evil speaking of the domestic powers.
There have been recent instances of
distinguished gentlemen. no doubt in
stigated by rebelliOus husbands. who
have recklessly accused these guard
ian angels of your fresioe of being
extravagant and frivolous. These
things are never uttered with impuni-
ty. ] would not insure the life of one
who libels the ladies for less than cent
per cent.
''Discite justitium month ct non tenn
mere Divas, which. as you may not I'M
derstand the backwoodS pronunciation
of the classic warning. l will translate
with a freedom BETTING the day we
celebrate:
Now, all you happy husbands,
Beware the rebels fate.
Live in obedience all your lives.
Give Hp your latchkeys to your wives
And never stay out late"
Laughter and cheers. From John
Bigelow's "Retrospections OF an Active
Life" in Metropolitan Magazine
The hItsrpa4;>,e