davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Los Angeles herald., 1909-01-24
SUPPOSE 1T DON'T COME AT FIRST

Suppose the fish don't bite at fust,
What be yew goin' tur dew?
Chuck down yewr pole, throw out yewr bait
And say yewr ishin's threw?
Nv course yew haint; yewr goin' tur fish,
An fish, an fish, an wait
Until yew've ketched yewr basket full
An used up all yewr bait.
Suppose success don't come at fust
What be yew goin' tur dew?
Throw up the. sponge and kick yewrself,
An go tur feelin' blew?
Wv course yew hain't; yewr goin' tur fish,
An bait an bait agin;
Bimeby success will bite yewr hook
An yew will pull him in.
Los Angeles herald., 1909-01-24

u
come thing of the past, so far
~ as Los Angeles county is con-
cerned, once the three and a half mil
lion dollar bond issue voted last fall by
the voters of the county becomes OPP
eratiVe.
With the expenditure of this vast
amount of money for good roads,,
Los Angeles will in all conservatism
possess the most perfect highway sys-
tenn in the United States, if not in the
world
The fight for good roads was a per-
Sistent one and excited wide public at
tention until concluded by the voting
of the bonds.
The work of survey actually began
last week, and the more serious work
of boulevard making will begin in the
near future, when the funds from the
bonds become available.
Long before another winters rains
visit Southern California, Los Angeles
county roads will present a smooth,
hard surface of macadam, impervious
to rain and proof against chuckholes
and mud boys.
A hundred or more men will be at
work on the job within sixty days, it is
estimated.
Two or three more field parties will
be put to work within two weeks, and
the force will be kept busy until the
survey for the entire 300 miles proposed
to be improved under the $500, 900 bond
issue are mapped out.
Engineer in Charge Loder estimates
that about $1,000,000 will be expended
on the project within the first year.
This money will be paid out in wages
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Beautiful London Church.


All Saints church, Margaret street,
where jubilee services are being held,
replaced Margaret chapel, which was
the first London stronghold Of the OK.
ford Tractarians. 1t Is said to be the
most costly parish church In Great
Britain, and was built chiefly at the
expense Of Berssford Hope, who seri.
ously impoverished himself by a pas.
sion for erecting beautiful churches.
DR.. Pussy before he became recluse
delivered some Of his most stirring
discourses In this church, including
his famous sermon on Dives and Laz-
arus." Mr.. Gladstone at one time fire.
Quently attended the services af All
Saints. Margaret street. and so. when
princess Of Wales. did Queen Alexan.
dra.
The church, which was designed by
Butterfield, is held by architectural
experts to be among the finest exam
pies Of new Gothic In existence. 1t
compelled the admiration Of Ruskin,
who wrote: I'm general proportion Of
parts, in refinement and piquancy Of
mouldings; above all, in force and
grace of floral ornament 1t chal
lenges fearless comparison with the
noblest work Of any time. London
Daily News.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Never Heard Of Harvard.

An archaeologist connected with
Harvard was not long ago making a
study of Indian remains In Missouri
and his quest led him into field be.
longing to a farmer not a days jour.
ney from st. Louis. Here his trained
observation made him suspect that a
little scientific digging would be well
worth the trouble and he went to the
farmer for the necessary permission.
The farmer was interested and good.
natured. He had picked up some ar.
row heads himself, and he was curl.
GUS to see II the digging would bring
up any more Of them. The excavation
was hardly under way before the far.
mer was there looking on.
Where did you say them arrow
heads was goin' II you found any more
on 'em?' he asked presently.
Harvard" said the archaeologist.
"Humph! Sort o. college. didn't
you say?"
YES"
WELL" said the farmer, II s'pose
there's more an more Of them col
leges all the time. Where In thunder
is this one, anyway?"-Boston Budget
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
DON'T LIKE AMERICAN ACCENT
vsssar Graduate Has Proved to Her
satisfaction and Cost That II 10
Unpopular In Europe.
She was an A. B., vassar.

She was an A. B., Vassar.
when Henry James," she said
"sneered at our American accent on
his American visit, l sneered back.
What difference about the accent,
demanded, as long as the grammar
was correct. What difference II one
talked with twang like a banjo, as
we do. or with flutey gobble, like
q turkey, as do the English? Well, !
fear was wrong
She stirred her ice.cream.
Neither Americans nor Britishers,"
she said, are entitled to say which az
cent Is correct, both being directly IN
terested in the. matter. No, the deci'
sion must be left to the disinterested
nations--to the French, Germans,
Italians, and SO forth.
"Those nations, alas! have decided
against the twang. They prefer the
gobble. I know this to my cost. With
the best Of references and certificates
I've tried q year In vain to get a place
az English teacher In French schools,
German schools, Italian schools, Span
ish schools-and it's no go. My Amer
lean accent bars me out.
For all foreigners who learn Eng
lish insist on learning 1t with the Eng.
lish accent. They sneer at our Ameri.
can accent as we ourselves sheer at
the Irish brogue." Angeles
Times.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
WAS NOT STRENUOUS WORKER
Youth Forced to Confess That Hls ou.
tiss Were Not What Might D
Called Arduous.

The son Of a rich father quit col.
lege few weeks ago-he was in love,
he explained, and couldn't keep his
mind on his books. He wanted to go
to work and make . place for himself
in the world. So his father got him
on the payroll Of bank In which he
was . director. The young mans
sweetheart-in her second year at
Vassar-kept writing him how proud
she was over his independence and
asking just what position he held so
she could tell the other girls. Tho
young man side-stepped the question
- to his prominence in the banks
organization, until. finally, his intend.
ed wrote him a peppery letter, saying
that II he didn't give her the informa.
ton by return mail she would be real
angry. Then, after much thinking, the
youth wrote her this:
tive wanted all along to tell you
about my position and would have
done so before had I known myself.
About all do here is to raise win
dow when come in the morning and
put 1t down when I leave in the after
noon. The rest Of the time / read or
watch the others work. l don't know
just what you could call my job. Bet
ter tell the girls that I'm the draught
clerk. That will come the nearest to
describing my duties"
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Normal American Boy.

Alfred Mosely, the distinguished
British educator and economist, finds
that the race of children is extinct
in America.
We have brushed the bloom Oh
natural childishness," and instead Of
children there are only little men and
little women, four-year-old despots
who are walking editions of the Dec.
laration Of Independence and who
have no respect, no reverence for any
thing human or divine. The normal
American boy is cute, smart, nerv.
GUS business manikin." Even savages
Mr.. Mosely asserts, command greater
respect from their offspring than dc
American fathers and mothers. lie
attributes these conditions OF juvenile
precocity to deficiency of nurseries
and children's playroorns In American
homes and to a too early association
of the interests Of parent and child.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Philadelnhia's Boast.

Chicago and New York doubtless
have their uses. We must have pork
and beef, and we must have com.
mercial metropolis, but 1t is hard to
believe that anyone would willingly
live in New York unless possessed
of an income OF a million or so q
year.
In this city we live with comfort
and due sense Of proportion. There
are few fats In the city, and there
are enough people who don't need
homes to fill them, but the average
Philadelphia is welded to his hearth
stone. He owns his house and lives
in 1t with pride and comfort, without
ostentation.
Our advice to people in Chicago and
New York is to come to Philadelphia
to live, where babies may be born
without the fear Of the landlord, and
where they may be nurtured In com.
Portable homes and brought up to be
respected citizens. - Philadelphia In
quirer.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
One Comfort.

Dick was a very clean little boy,
and dirt disguised him. One day he
found poor little starved kitten
crouching in a ditch at the roadside
and he brought the vet, muddy little
waif home with him.
He took It to the hydrant and care
fully rinsed on all the mud. but the
shock was too great for the sick kitty
and the breath Of life departed.
Dick brought her to his mother. who
exclaimed at the sight Of the wet,
dropping kitten, "Why, Dick, what
have you doner
"She was all mud and washed her"
Dick replied. "Oh, Dick" his mother
said, sorrowfuliy. I'm afraid she's
dead" Dick looked shocked and
grieved for q moment, then his face
lighted up with CLEAN Of comfort
az he exclaimed:
well, she died clean, anyway
The DelineatoT.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
SLEEP FOR THE sLEEPLEss.
New Z French Specialist Goes 70 Wsrh
to Woe sIumber for HE Wide,
Awake Patients.

A French specialist has come to the
rescue Of persons aflicted with insom-
mia. His method is somewhat vaguely
described a. 'lulling the widsawakee
to inconsistencies much % babies
are put to slumber."
1T 10 q perfect palace Of peace that
10 has opened in lovely Touraine,~
says the Lady's Pictorial. Here 10
never disturbing sound. The silence
is broken only by the absolutely mo.
notonous and soothing tick, took, tick
Of solid grandfather clocks, and the
scarcely perceptible drip of unseen
fountains.
Everything Is seen through a cerur
lear haze, everybody moves in list
slippers, the air is fresh but full Of
fain' perfume. Before the eyes Of
very refractory patients slowly revolye
colo.ed balls, not the smallest rose
leaf being allowed to crumple in any
bed, each being so designed that there
Is no possibility Of the body growing
weary. Here. in fact, the wooing of
sleep has been made positive sci
ence, and 1t is said no one can keen
awake here, however hard he may
try"
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
GOING BACK INTO THE PAST.
Some Men VIII Smile, and Some
Frown, But Their RecollectIons
Are Much the Same.

They do say that one Of the things
4 fellow remembers Is the first. time
he ever went counting a girl. And It
Is one Of the last things he wants to
forget, even II she turned him down
later on.
It is not the trial now that It was
back In the good old days. In the
country districts folks lived in houses
Of one or two rooSls, or three at most.
so that when fellow went sparkling
he had to face the whole family. and
you may depend upon It that the
whole family faced him. Sometimes
they didn't try to make life pleasant
for him. This was specially true OF
the girls younger brothers and sis.
tiers.
Do you remembsr how big your feet
felt, and the trouble you had to find
places for your hands, and how diff
flcult it was to keep up converse
ton? But II you had grit enough you
would stay or die right there.
But you never forgot 1t, and you
never will Nor will you ever quite
forget the effort necessary to get your
courage up to the point Of asking her
If you might call on her, nor how glad.
some you were II she said you might,
nor how mean you felt II she refused
your request AS frost this beat the
June affair of $50.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
BOOKKEEPING On THE FARM.
Important Point That Seems to Con
osrn AorleuiturIsts Altogether
Too Little.

II may be necessary to give up al
cherished hopes for our life work as
planned and partly entered upon, and
betake ourselves to farming to get
tho outdoor life and activity which ia
demanded II we expect to remain in
good health. We are like boys at
school now, and must endeavor to
learn how to do everything required
in the best possible way. If future
conditions demand less detail in any
Of our methods we shall cast out what
Is useless; on the other hand, greater
elaboration and omre care may be
found requisite to attain the ends
desired in q satisfactory way.
We are determined to learn all we
can by experience Of our own and
from the experience Of others. For,
whatever we do in the years to come
in the line Of outdoor work, be It
truck gardening, LIGHT farming, raising
poultry, or breeding live stock, It is
our intention to - thoroughly bust
ness-like and aggressive to the extent
that changed conditions Of health de.
mand. Whatever we do shall be well
done and according to approved
standards-and there is no better
guide to profitable activity for the az
gressive, ambitious business man than
an eflicient method Of accounting, as
simple as circumstances permit.
Many farmers now struggling to pay
the interest on their heavily mort
gagged properties might be happy and
prosperous and owe no man II they
could be brought to the point Of will.
ingness to learn the significance Of
the terms debit" and credit" and OF
rousing themselves up and applying
the knowledge to the business in
hand,
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
70 RISE IN BUSINESS LIFE.
Some Few Essentials Must Be kept
In Mind, and One OF These 10
~ Advertising.

A man may have several carloads
Of ability. He may have brains and
ideas and other desirable things. But
all the ideas ever "ideated" will not
avail to raise man who neglects that
all important item Of advertising. You
simply must get attention. OF course,
you can get attention by firing of a
revolver during Office hours. Or you
can do It by wearing loud clothes and
proclaiming your kinship In the
sporting fraternity. But most men
who have risen from the ranks have
carefully neglected to use methods
of this kind.
Every office man must act as his
own salesman. He must first pre-.
pare himself by increasing his eff.
ficiency., He must be able to do the
work for which he is hired. Not only
should he do that for which he is
hired, but he must do that work bet.
ter than 1t ever was done before.
When that item has been attended to
It is then time to look about for more
work.
The wise employe will, keep his eye
on the Job ahead. or, better still. will
look at a job which does not exist,
but which should exist for the good
Of the business. The next step 10 to
think out selling talk that will get
the attention. arouse the interest.
create q desire, and bring about In
the mind Of the employer a desire to
do what the live employe desires him
10 do.-The Bookkeeper. ~.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Dogs Remarkable Intelligence.

Thomas Jones, who ownes a big
ranch on San Juan island, lost a col
lie dog last fall for nearly month.
and for several days searched the
woods about his place zealously for
the animal, without success. One day
he tossed bone to another collie. In
stead of gnawing 1t. he picked It up
and started for the woods. He kept
turning his head, apparently to see II
he was followed, and Jones concluded
to follow him. The dog trotted along
for about q mile and stopped at the
edge Of an abandoned well. He
dropped the bone over the edge Of
the well. Jones got a ladder, climbed
down and found the dog that had been
lost There was only about two inches
Of water In the well, but the animal
would have starved to death had is
not been for the other. The lost dog
was in good condition, and as II ha6
been missing "a days the other AMI
NAL must have kept It supplied With
food for nearly month.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
lastant Relief From Dread
Catarrah

Why don't you get rid of that nasty,
stimulating disease catsFrahg
You can do 1t IL you really want to.
But you can't cure catsFrah In few
days, that's an utter impossibility, be-
cause there is no remedy known that will
kiil the catarrah germs In that short
tlme.
But you can cure catarTah II yon will
have q little patience and breath 10
Hyomei pronounced High.o-me) three
or four times day.
HyOmei cures catarrah by killing the
gem. and IL kills the germs because 1t
gets where the germs are.
Hyomei is q powerful sntiseptic and
germ killing air; it is made from the fluid
extracted from the eucalyptus trees Of
Australia where catarrah lie unknown.
Il gives relief instantly, stops hawking
10 few days and Is guaranteed by
Palace Drug Go. to cure catarrah,
asthma, Group and bronchitis or your
money! back. A complete outfit, includ-
ing inhaler cost 81 90, and extra bottles
Of Hyomei cost so cents.
'.Hyomel certainly saved my life and
acc0rd Il the credit which IL deserves and
merits. There is nothing too strong for
me 70 say regarding Hyomei. Mrs. Ada
HoDkins, 8 OutterAye ,Coldwater, Mich,
August 70, 1908.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Where Caesar Crossed Thames.


Where did julius Caesar cross the
Thames? This sounds like one Of the
questions set by staid old examiners
in search of information they failed to
acquire in their youth. There are per.
haps as many places claiming to be
the site of the famous fording as there
were claiming to be the birthplace Of
Homer. This week Brentford has
stolen march on other places and
has erected monument commemor.
ating Caesars crossing Of the Thames
there! Most historians and to-
pographers agree In placing the point
Of crossing at Halliford at q point
known as Convey Il. e., Causeway)
Stakes, and but little support is found
for the Brentford theory. To many
people q monument is the most con.
vincing Of evidence. and though there
IL little tradition to support the Brent.
ford column. that column will no
doubt serve to strengthen the tradi.
uon.-London Chronicle.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
SECRET COULD NOT Be KEPT
Everybody Seemed to Know That
This Couple Were Newly United
In Matrlnony.

4 Boston young man had married d
Chicago girl, and they had started on
their wedding tour. Despite--or per-
haps because of--thsir studied efforts
to appear like "old married folks"
their fellow passengers on the railway
train had no di0culty in chasing
them as bride and groom, and mani
tested their knowledge by winks, mods
and grins.
An unfortunate accident to the dim
ing car compelled the conductor to
leave It on the sidetrack at . small
station, and 1t was several hours be.
fore the train stopped for refresh
ments at town where there was .
restaurant near the passenger station.
It was by no means first.class res
taurant, but the travellers had a frst-
class appetite and they swarmed into
It. With some difficulty the bride and
groom found seats and presently .
waitress came to take their order.
Where's your bill Of fare?" asked
the young man.
I'VE haven't any to-day. sir. she
answered.
Nor any other day perhapsi"
mo, SIR"
well, what have you that you can
recommend ~ being good to eat?"
I'VE have some nice pork ana
beans" 1
Alfred" whispered the BRIDE.
everybody seems to know that we|
have Just been married, but how dol
you suppose this girl has found out
that l am from Chicago and that you|
are nom Boston !--Youth's Compan1
Ien.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Az Or. johnson said Il.

George Augustus Sala's eloquent
testimony to the superiority OF Eng
lish viands reminds US Of DR.. John.
sons outburst after examining q
French menu.
"Sir," said he to the faithful Bos.
well, my brain ID obfuscated with the
perusal Of this heterogeneous con,
glomeration of bastard English I'll
spelt and foreign tongue. Bid the
rascals bring me dish Of hogs pud-
dings, slice or two from the upper
cut Of well roasted sirloin and TIVE
apDle dumplings."
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
A Few SUGGESTIONS.

To the man who ate too much duck
and suffered indigestion thereby, we
suggest that he consult a quack doc.
tor.
The man who marries grass widow
must not expect necessarily to live In
clover.
Even II you are an Englishman,
don't think that Juggling Is 'armless.
It's 'armful.
Says a poet, IT misfortune over.
takes you, SMILE" Very good advice,
but suppose that misfortune overtakes
you III a strictly prohibition town?
Never carry your civic pride too
far, like the Minneapolis congrega.
ton which rose and left the church
one Sunday because the minister took
his text from st. Paul.-Bohemian
Magazine.
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Breaking Il Gently.

An army captain. returning from
India, brought with him q pair Oh
laughing tackasses. which he enl
trusted TO one OF the sailors. Tom
Pinch. Alas! shipboard life did mo-
agree with the creatures. and, in spitsI
Of all Toms care, they pinned and died
Tom was in despair.
II darent' tell the captain!" :
Don't shirk 1t, mate" said his pal
Break 1t to him gently. You'll fine
It'll be all right"
The advice seemed sound, and Tom
sought the gallant captain.
"'Scuse me, sir" he said. 'Yos
know them things below-what you
call larfin jackasses? Well, sir, they
amt got muffin to larf at this morn
Ing"
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
Heluhts TO BE Attained.

A crochety old farmer Of Massachu.
sets had trouble with his neishbor,
and As a result sought his counsel
ex-Congressman Samuel L. Powers,
says Lippincott's.
II want yeow ter write him a letter
an tell him this Mere foolishness hez
got ter stop" he declared firmly. II
know what want ter say, but I amt
got the larnin' ter put It just right"
what do you want to sayf" Mr..
Powers asked.
"Wa-all, begin by tellin' him tibet
he's the durndest, lyin'est, thievin'est,
low-downest skunk on airth-and then
work up."
The Globe-republican. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1889-1910, 1909-10-14
swInburne's Idea Of "cleopatrs.r

swinburne's Idea Of cleopatra"
Cleopatra" which is to be sold
with other Swinburne rarities at
Sotheby's, was described by the poet
n a letter to T. J. Wise, as a trump
cry ephemeral," and he added,
George Meredith, remember, strong
ly land no doubt JUSTLY demonstrated
with me for producing such farrago
Of the most obvious commonplace of
my ordinary style--as 1t was In '66, or
whereabouts. The verses were never
intended for reproduction or for pres
ervation, but simply scrubbed off as
fast as might be to oblige a friend
whose work ! admired" Mr.. Wise,
however, was quite content to pay Is
guineas for a coup of the poem, on
which Swinburne remarked: IF we're
not a bit Of a bibliomaniac myself, /
should be shocked TO think OF your
wasting good money on it."-London
Chronicle.