Pierre weekly free press. (Pierre, S.D.) 1889-19??, 1909-01-07
HON. RANSOM
PEABODY
Inc Fable of the Hoosier R;u NJ ~,
mo .1, How the Women Folks Cooked H.,
A"hes tor the Wel-Known Citizen
By GEORGE ABE
Author of Fables in Slang" etc.
Copyright. by Bobbs-Merrill Coz
HO4NNL ADE
Author of Fables in Slang" etc

dosn-Durned Toney because he wore
gloves when he Toiled and on Sundays
put on a slew of Agony, with sheet
iron Shoes pointed at the End and a
| neat Derby purchased in Terry Hut
Now this Freckled Swain, whose
name was Ransom, wanted to hop on
the lnter-Reuben and go tipping away
10 see the Great World He wanted
10 I'VE in big Town where he would
not have to walk on the Plowed
Ground and where he could get some
thlnS Good to Eat. He was tired of
the plain Vittles out on the Farm.
lhey very seldom had anything on
the Table except Chicken with Gravy,
Salt-Rlslng Bread, Milk, seven or eight
vegetables, Crulls, Cookies, Apple
Butter, Whortleberry Pie, Light Bis
cult Spare Ribs, Pigs Feet, Hickory
Nut Cake and such like. This thing
OF drawing up every A. M. to the same
ola Lay Out of homemade Sausage,
BuckWheat Cakes, Recent Eggs, Fried
Mush and Mothers Coffee was begin
nlng to wear on him. Often he
dreamt of being in the Metropolis.
where he could get an Oyster Stew,
Sardines, and Ice Cream in the Win
ter Time.
AT last his Dream came out of the
Box. He went up to the City to at
tend Law School and found himself
domiclled in a Refined Joint that was
cross between Salon and Bean
cry. 1t was one of those Regular
Places kept by thin Lady who had
once ridden in her Own Carriage,
Her Long Suit was Home Atmosphere.
She had the Railways filled with it.
What is more, she came from an Old
Family Lord CORVALLIS once stopped
at their House to get a Drink of
Water and George Washington came
very near sleeping in one of the Bed
rooms SO that made the Board
about 80 cents more on the Week.
Like all high-class Boarding Houses
1t was infested by some Lovely Peo-
pie There was the girl who spelled
1t Edythe and was having her voice
cone over. She had Mother to keen
cases on her and do the Press Work.
Also there was the G. Widow who
remembered her husbands name but
mad 1nlslaid the Address. Also the
Old Bcarder who was always under
'he influence of Pepsin He would
come down to Breakfast wearing the
Hoof-Marks of Nightmare Seventeen
Hands high and holler about the Food
and tell the Young Lawyer how YOU
cant believe anything you see in the
Papers. Also there was a Young man
employed in a Furniture Store who
kne" that he could put Eddie Sothern
on the Fritz if he ever got a Wback
at the Drama. Unless some one cot
out an injunction he would recite
Poes Raven while Edythe played
Chllls and Fever music on the Once
flano. So the Astute Reader will I'M
derstand that this was a sure enough
Boarding House.
Ranse could have stood for the In
tellectual Environment if there had
peen a little more doing in the Food
Line. Instead of stacking it I'm IN tho
laDle and giving the word to Pitch
IN, the Refined Landlady had it
brought on in stingy little Dabs bv
several Beautiful Heiresses who hated
TO hold Converse with Ordinary
Boarders. About the time that Ranse,
with the Farm Appetite, began to set
tie down to Business he would notice
an the other People rolling up the Red
NAPKINS and trying to get them into
the Kings. If he kept on eating after
that' they would give him the Eye.
Cereals were strongly featured at
the polite Prunery. Ransom. while
employed on the Farm, had often
mixed up Chop Feed and Bran for the
Shoats and Yearlings, but he never
thought ne would come down to eating
1t himself. Another Strong Card was
Soup that was quite Pale and had
a couple OF VermicelIi SWIMMING
around in it. And eyerv Tnesdav
tney served Dried Currants with
Cltnkers in them.
Before Ranse had been against the
Health Food Proposition many moons
ne began to banker for the yellow.
legged Plymouth Rocks, the golden
Butter and the kind of milk that
comes from the Cow-take a Tin Cnn
and go right out to the Spring House
and dip 1t up for yourself. Poor eh?
Still, be figured that as soon "a be
got into Practice and began to con,
meet with the Currency he could shake
the oatmeal Circuit and put un at an
AL Hotel. az
Like all the other Country Bows of
the story Books, Ransom made a,
Ien-Strike in the City. He worked ~
hours per and in Due Time he was
taken into the Firm and stopped shaw.
ing his Neck and wore Paiamas in.
stead OF homemade Nightie.
Then he moved into a Hote, tb,t
had $4,000 worth of Paintings on the
First Floor, SO that no one had
right to kick even if the Push Button
failed to work. All the Furniture was
Louie Something. You take an ex-
Farmland and let him sit in a Cold
Chair with Satin Monogram that Is
too Nice to lean against. and you can
see at Glance that he is sure on.