davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Where Parliament EsiIsa.

According to all accounts. the Cam
cron highlanders militia are Il fine
body of men physically. Not long ago
four of them occupied the least crowd
ed seat in a full compartment on a
Scotland railway. Just as the train
was moving off diminutive little clcr-
gyman jumped into the compartment
and tried to edge himself in between
two of the highlanders. Not finding
1t very comfortable he turned to the
orc on his right and said: "Sit up,
please. You know that, according to
act of parliament. the seat holds five"
The highlander looked at him for a
moment and then replied: THAT may
be a RIGHT enough for your kind, sir,
but sllairly yc Gamma blame me for no
bein' constructed according to act Of
parliament
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Matters on Horseback.

In great French houses of days gone
by dinner was announced by the blow
ing of hunting horns, and it is on rec
ord that at certain gala feasts the
dishes were brought in by servants in
full armor mounted upon caparisoned
horses, a practice we could only look
for during the reign of chivalry OF
the attendants at dinner the carver and
server took precedence over all The
others. They stood probably on each
side of their lord. The server, 1t may
he mentioned, was the officer who
placed the dishes on the table.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
contaaion and Infection.

A contagious disease is one in which
the disease producing organism goes
direct from the person having the dis
ease to Il person who has not the dis
ease without passing through an inter
mcdi;lry medium. as in tuberculosis
for example. Malaria. OH the other
hand is an infectious disease, because
the organism which produces 1t is tax
en from person by a mosquito, re-
produces itself i'm the mosquito and is
transmitted by the mosquito which
may never have been in contact with
the person by whom the original or
ganism was given off. New York
American
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Mittv SAVINGS.

w. S. Gilbert said of Bccrbohm
Trees Hamlet that 1T was funny
without being coarse"
During an Englishmans lecture In
New Haven the usher said to Il late
conner: Please, sir, take your seat as
quietly as possible. The audience is
asleep"
a Philadelphia woman said: "Of
course there will be no marriage in
heaven. There will be plenty of wo-
men there and few men. hut none
any one would care to marry
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
A Large Toast.

A prominent man, unexpectedly in
vitcd to an entertainment, found him
self called on for toasts among others.
He was unrreparcd; but. being quick
thinker, he arose and said, 81 toast to
the toast that was toasted by the toast
er who had toasted all the toasts that
were ever toasted by a toastcr. La
dies Home Journal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
LODGE DIRECTORY

VALLEY Lodge no. a a33aa. A. F. Il a. M. Masonic
Ball SECOND Tuesday OF each month. w. II.
enadutt, W. NJ, l.. 3. Haskins, Sec.
Valley Chapter No. 90. Order OF Eastern
Star, Mssonic Hall, first and third Friday oven
log of each month. Mrs. G. A. Walker, w. nj
Mrs r. ". Madsep, Sec.
Valley Lodge No. lao, l. O. y. T. every
Wednesday night, !; .. o. = Hall. q. NJ.
Red CLOUD Encampment meetings every md
aud 4th Fridays, In j. o. o. F. Hall. q. h.
Thompson, C.P. d. H. Fisher, Scribe.
Lillian Lodge No 20, meets lot and srd
Saturday. Of each month, !. o. Q. +; Hall.
Mn q. B. Coe.ssc... Mrs. q. 7. Faith, N. q
Elm Camp No. 1921, N. ". "A. meets LIST and
Srd Fridays Of each mouth. Walkers Hall. Il.
W. Beagle, CONSUL, q. @. Reel, Clerk.
Violet Camp No. 1878, Il. N. of A. meets
LIT and 3rd Mondays of each month. Walkers
1hll Naomi smith, Oracle, Florence h.
Walker, Rec.
laurel Camp No. ia, r. N. of A. meets End
nd 4th Wednesdays, ut Walkers Hall. Mrs
Flora hardy, Oracle, Mrs Emlin Warner, Rec.
Elkhorn lodge No. Ill, !. A. of NJ. meets lat
and 3rd Mondays of each month, ut Knights of
Columbus Hall. Arthur Hunt, Prcs., W. A.
Wyant, Rec. Sec.
Esther Court No. 81. T B H. meets End and
4th Tuesdays Of each msnth, Walkers BALL
Nrs L. A. Lewis, Chief George Harty, Scribe
Knights of Pythias meets every Monday
evening. Oddfellows Hall. A. N, Brown, @. O.
Ed Bradley, T. of RS.
Yeoman Lodge No. 32S, meets End and 4th
Saturday of each month, Walkers Hall. b. b.
Naylan EOreman " L TnmiRie1. Cor.
Busy Bee No. "a, Homesteaders, meets every
20d and 4th Thursdays of each month. Walkers
ball. Bert Jones, Pres, Mrs n. Z. Reel, Sec.
Fraternal Union, meets Goth of each month
Walkers Hall Mrs. M y. Brundige. F. NJ.
Mrs. Z. }. Gaver, Justice.
Danish Brt therhood, meets LIST and 3rd
Thurs,lays of each month, Walkers hall. T.. IL.
Thompson, Pres, Jeppe Thompson, Sec.
A. O. U. W. Mo- Valley Lodge No 236 meets
LIST and 3rd Tuesdays each month, Walkers
Hall. Harry Witt, NJ. W. Ed Walton Rec.
XII of q No. 396 meets lat and Sid Saturday
each month"; Walkers Hall Haskins, Pres.
] e Conroy, Geo.
Degree of Honor, Fernwooi No. 50 meets LIST
end Bird Wednesday of every month. Mrs. Carl
Wehrli, z b Mrs Brundige +
Belden Corps $50 " o meets End and 4th
Friday each month"; Walkers Hall Mrs Carrie
Colenso, prss Mrs Harriet Pike, sec
Triune Chapter, No ST, b.. A. NJ. second Thurs
day of each month, Masonic Hall j. 3.
2cGavren, h. r.
Belden Post No SO G A r meets and and ith
Monday evening each month from Oct lat to
April lst At 1850 m and the lth Monday even
ing the balance of the year at 500 p m in q A
b Hall Walker Building " Myers Com
mander ] d Brown. Adjutant
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Sroiled by the Cook.

Cardinal Manning. the famous Eng
fish churchman, was gauEt of face.
The great ccclesiastic's appearance
was SO ascetic that lie seemed to have
been almost starved. Once in Liver
pool he visited convent, and the cook
lSnelt to him for blessing, which she
got.
MAY the Lord preserve your emf
nencc.' said she. and then, looking at
his thin face, she added. "and. oh, may
God forgive Your cook"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Saved hx a Puncturc.

81 am swift runner said the man
who was telling a snake story, land as
fed down the mountain | outdis-
tlnced the huge python that was so re-
lentlessly pursuing me. But these
creatures are cunning. To twist itself
into the shape of Il cart wheel was the
work of Il moment, and now the p.'
tllon had gained. Faster and faster
1t rolled down the steep incline. Then.
bang! The serpent had struck sharp,
Jagged rock and punctured. was
Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Insisted on a Chance.

London Costcr (meeting village
idioD-Oo are yer a-larfn' at? Idiot
OF bean't a-larfn'. Coster-Well, put
your face straight. ldiot-It is straight.
Coster (exasperatcd) = Well. then,
bloomin' we'll bend it.-London Taller.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Tit For Tat.

First Teacher-You told me to re-
mind you to punish Willie Thompson
this morning for impudcncc. Second
TeacherI'll do it tomorrow I'm
called before the school board today
for INSTRUMENTATION Lippincott's.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
A Secret.

Sparks-I wonder why it is a woman
lets out every thing you tell her? Sharks
My dear boy. woman has only two
views of sccret-either 1T is not
worth keeping or it is too good to keep.
London Opinion.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Foul.

'Foul tactics" declared the halfback
whats the trouble now?'' demand
ed the referee
81 tried kick for the stomach, but
this fellow blocked 1T with his head."-
Kansas City Journal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Another WAY.

A we'll known London physician was
invited out to the country for some
shooting; but, although he tried sew
eral times, he could not hit single
rabbit
I'm very unlucky," he exclaimed.
I've killed nothing all day."
Never mind,' said his host. "Wrlte
the rabbits one of your prescriptions"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
An Early Riser.

Mrs. Hicks-You mean to tell me
that you have a servant girl who gets
up in the morning without being call
cd? Mrs. Wickes-Yes. She's in love
with 'l.e millSman. = Boston Tran
script.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
d.. ncCUNE
AUCTIONEER

Is years. experience. / will
call your sale for $40 a sale and
small ones in proportion. Sat-
isfaction guaranteed or no pay.
You know me. Telephone y-l8
If.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
The Wise Way.

1--WE should all strive to forgive our
enemies" remarked the wise guy.
Eyes; then they won't be so apt to
get back at u.s." added the simple mug.
Philadelphia Record.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Thankfulness.

"1'hankfulncss." said Uncle Eben.
"ain' muffin but the common sense
ncedful to recognize some Of dc good
things dis world is chock full off,
Washington Star.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08
Good Behavior,

Employer-why were you discharged
from your last place? Applicant-Tor
good behavior. Employer-What do
you mean by that? Applicant-They
took three months off my SENTENCE
Cleveland Leader.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08

A great man is made up of qualities
that meet or make great occasions
lowell
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08

To make luminous paint, mix small
quantity Of calcium sulphide with or
dinrry white paint.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08

Rebekah's meet in regular
session on Saturday evening,
April 8 at 1880 p. m.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08

CAaroREA.
Bear tho ,1he Kind You Have Always 8sger
''s, : lslzkzzlS;7sI
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-08

Elkhorn lodge No. Ill, !. A. of NJ. meets lat
and 3rd Mondays of each month, at Knights of
Columbus Hall. Arthur Hunt, Pres., W. A.
WANT Rec Hec,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

keep my hoppers in there. I use the
dry method Of feeding. .a,
The ground floor furnishes scratch.
ing room. The other end is the roost-
ing room. keep from 300 to 400 Leg.
horns in this house, and make spe-
cialty Of winter eggs. could not keep
that many healthy and vigorous in
that space only for the fact that they
have, free range all the year.
The arrangement on the ground
floor for the sheep and lambs is as fol-
lows: Along the front, running from
the double doors to the end, we have
small pens for ewes that we want to
keep to themselves for any reason.
and across the end, running from
these pens to the back, we have por.
ton Slated of as feeding space for
the lambs, the Stats wide enough to
admit the lambs, but to keep out the
ewes. Along the back, one end and
part of the front we have the hay
racks; and on the ground, under the
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

Practical House Shelters the strretrr.
Is Arranged-Favors Winter Eggs
Money Getters.

If I were asked to name the two
things most neglected on the aver.
age farm. should name the two
things that pay the best for the
amount Of capital invested, sheep and
chickens, writes R. G. Thomas in
American Agriculturist. And with q
little more care or a little different
care they can be made to pay much
better and together make the best
combination know.
AS rule, when you are busy with
one you have very little to do with the
other; and the sheep are certainly a
great help to the hens in winter,
where they are housed together, as
the animal heat from the sheep keeps
the hens warm at night.
The house we have is built on the
lean-to plan, against the haymow. The
back of the haymow forms the back
OF the house and makes it tight and
warm. The front faces south. We
cut the logs on the farm and had
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
Cement Floors In Winter.

An excellent suggestion is made by
practical swine breeder to those
having cement floors in their pens.
He advises movable wooden. floor
for the winter. He makes his own
floors of one inch boards and lays
them fiat on the cement, in sections
small enough to be easily removed at
any time. Il
In this way he combines the advan.
tages Of both the cement and the
wood. He can remove the board floor,
scrub out the pen and also thorough.
ly clean and disinfect the false floor
outside.
Cement is the cheapest material IL
the end for the floor Of the hog pen
The floor Of the outdoor apartment,
should be a few dnches lower than the
house floor. SO as to insure drainage
and dry sleeping quarters.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

brisket and below the chuck. It is
sold for boiling, stews. braizing. mince
meat. etc.
The Flank.-This cut comes from
below the loin. 1t is boneless and
coarse. but of good flavor. There is a
small lean muscle embedded on the
inside of the flank which is pulled out,
scored across the grain and sold as
steak; sometimes this steak is split,
made into a pocket" trussed and
roasted. The flank is good boiling
piece, or it may be rolled and braized
or corned.
The Neck.-This cut comes from be.
low the ribs. It has layers of fat and
lean, and is the end of the ribs. It is
used for boiling and corning.
The Shank-These cuts are the
fore and hind legs. They are tough
and contain large bones and tendons,
They are used for soup, cheap stews
and chop meats of various kinds.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

them sawed and only had the roof
to buy, which is of galvanized iron.
The house is so feet long by 80 feet
deep, the back is 16 feet high and the
front s feet. There are four posts
set in the center to support the roof,
and running from these posts to the
back we have floor Z feet from the
ground and running the entire length
of the building. This gives floor
space upstairs 50x15 feet, which is in
closed by wire netting. with a door
at each end
One end of this room is cut off for
l feeding and laying room; that is,
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
Sum I 4 i


Up In the Provinces Of Manitoba,
Saskatchewan and Alberta, the Prov
noes that compose Central Canada
ave such quantity Of land suit Idle !
jor the growth Of small grains, which
grow 80 abundantly, and Yield 90 hand
somely that no fear need be feared
Of q wheat famine on this Continent.
The story reproduced below IL only
one of the hundreds Of proofs that
could be produced to show the results
that may be obtained from cultiva-
ton Of the lands in these provinces.
Almost any section Of the countrD viii
do as well.
With the country recently opened by
The Grand Trunk Pacific, the latest Of
The great transcontinental lines to en-
ter the field Of the development of the
Canadian West, there is afforded added
ample opportunity to do as was done
In the case cited below:
To buy section Of land, break It
up and crop it, make $17,550 out of
the yield and $10,S80 out of the increase
Of value all within the short period
Of two years. was the record estab-
lished by James Bailey, well known
farmer within few miles Of Regina.
Mr.. Bailey bought the $40 acres of
and near Grand Coulee two years ago.
He Immediately prepared the whole
section for crop and this year has 600
acres of wheat and 40 acres Of oats.
The wheat yielded 1885 bushels. and
the oats yielded 1850 bushels. The
whole Of the grain has been market
ed and Mr.. Bailey is now worth $17,550
srom the grain alone. He bought the
land at $1S an acre, and the other
lay refused an offer Of $35 an acre,
Just ST advance for the time Of his
purchase. The land cost $11,320 in
the first instance. Here are the fig
ures Of the case.-Land cost, GAO
acres, at $1S, $11,320. Wheat yielded
1885 bushels. at "a cents a bushel,
f16,695. Oats yielded 1850 bushels
at % cents a bushel, 1856. Offered
for land, $40 acres at $35 an acre.
$22,400. Increase value of land, $10,8S0.
Total earnings of crop, $17,550, togeth-
er with increase in value of land to.
tai of $2S,540.
: It is interesting to note the figures
Of the yield per acre. The wheat
yielded 331s bushels to the acre, and
oats 1887 bushels to the acre. The fig
ures are fair Indication of the aver
age throughout the district.
Agents Of the Canadian Government
in the different cities will be pleased
to give you information as to rates, etc.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
ONE METHOD OF CUTTING BEEF

The illustration shows how a re-
taller usually cuts beef, the average
market price Of the cuts, and their
uses.
The Loin.-This cut includes short
steaks, porterhouse, sirloin, and ten
derloin. The tenderloin is long
muscle that may be stripped from be-
meath the loin, but when it is re-
moved it destroys the value of the
porterhouse and tenderloin steaks.
The first four cuts from the small
end of the loin are called club steaks
because they contain no tenderloin.
The next are the porterhouse; the next
and up to the beginning of the hook
bone are the tenderloin and are the
highest priced cuts in the beef. The
remaining cuts of the loin are the sir
loin.
The tenderloin when sold separate
ly is deficient in fat. hence must be
larded when roasted or broiled. The
loin is cut into steaks and broiled; &C.
casionally it is sold as roasts, but is
more expensive and, no better than
are the ribs or chuck.
The Round-This cut consists of
very juicy, lean muscles, and but little
bone. 1t is sold as steaks. roasts. and
for beef tea, and beef juice. It is ex
cellent for pot-roasts, -braizing. for
beef loaf, or for casserole Of beef.
The Rib.-This cut consists Of sew
en- ribs, called prime ribs; the cut is
made close to the shoulder blade and
separates it from the chuck. It is sold
as roasts, being cut into one, two OF
three rib pieces according to the size
of the beef and the wants Of the fam
lily. The ribs may be removed and the
piece rolled. If the ribs are left, 1t Ii
called standing rib-roast. Dealer,
sometimes remove the ribs and Gu
and sell this piece as steak. calling i
New York porterhouse.
The Chuck.-This cut IL next to tn,
j prime rib cut and similar to 1t. bu
contains more bone and gristle, and 4
not 30 fine grained and tender: tn,
i portion near the point Of the shouide
blade Il excellent for steak, and tn
remainder IL me for roasts. mine
/ meat etc. 4
The Rump.-This cut contains tn
end Of the hip bone and Joint. Their
1 ID considerable bone, but the mea
makes excellent roasts OF pot-roast,
The Clod. This cut q back Of II
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

hay racks and close to the wall, are
troughs for feeding grain, silage, ETC..
to the sheep. On the floor we always
keep plenty of straw.
The house is not very tight, and
there is a space over each window of
about 3 inches that is always open.
and we never close the doors only on
the coolest nights. We keep about
rs sheep in there, never have a lamb
freeze to death, and have no trouble
to get eggs in winter. 1t is a sur.
prise to anyone to go in there on a
cold night and find how comfortable
it is.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
Detected.

The consul in London of a continen-
tai kingdom was Informed by his gov
eminent that one of his country
women, supposed to be living in Great
Britain, had been left a million Of
money. After advertising without re-
suit, he applied to the police, and a
smart young detective was set to
work.
When few weeks had gone by his
chief asked him how he was going on.
"I've found the lady, sir"
Good! Where is she?"
Eat my place. got married to her
7esterday!"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
The Execution.

In a home where the mother is
yomewhat aggressive and the father
.ood-natured and peace-loving, a
child's estimate of home conditions
was tersely expressed the other day.
While dressing, the mother paused in
the act of putting on her shoes and
said: II certainly am easy on shoes.
I have worn these for four months. I
don't know what you would do, John,
If I were not. am easy on every
thing" The little girl looked up from
her dolls and remarked: Except
father."-Success.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
Described

Described.
Miss Giddigosh-Oh, uncle, have
you seen the Williamses' baby? Do
describe 1t to me.
Uncle STANDARDIZATION! Um!-
ah! very small features. clean shaver,
red-faced, and looks a hard drinker.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

realize in
thoroughly
world
rants this city which have supeo
brilliant
in Europe
restau
operations IT should sS8s
furnishings decorations unique fee,
ftsnds u London opportunity
restaurant beautiful Cafe de- OperAs
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17


which year to maintain
Sir Wirid stated the would
warfare British ally unless specifically
dian parliament
IF
"how we
Unquesionaby
able ensu Rut
of voliion be retained"
The Ottawa Citizen its
Canada will its
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17

OF g. In Washington where he walks nearly
and stepped out to allow ladies
General Rucker not
OF certain life
his house jefferson place to make settlement
Greatly rriad
town the
The
had the
dence favor supposon
had been nothing therefore, but
general
The general felt
The which
still
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
CANADA FOR INDEPENDENCE

Some optimistic persons in Canada believe the
day is not far distant when the Dominion will
become republic Independent of England In
such an event. they believe, Sir Wilfrid Laurier
would become the head of the new nation
When the imperial council of defense SEM
out from London recommendations that included
the construction, manning and operation of a
Canadian war navy protests arose from all parts
of the Dominion. The actual government meas
ure presented by Sir Wilfrid to the house of com.
mons has caused another outburst which indi-
Gates clearly that many Canadians look forward
to ultimate independence
The defense council suggested that Canada
build one Dreadnaught, three cruisers, six de-
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17


The
that
His education at the
young urton hurried south and enlisted
February 1862
enlisted Third
again in Ohio while Morgans carefully
guarded that he did not until the
After the formed and
rapidly
was
appointed
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-12-17
HE'LL BE THE CAFE KING

Henri Pruger, for the last seven years general
manager Of the Hotel Savoy, London. has been
engaged as general manager of the new Cafe de
lOpera IN New York City at a salary Of $50, 1000
This, it is believed, is the largest salary paid to
any restaurant manager in the world Mr.. Pru-
ger is president of the company that will operate
the restaurant, which has just been opened It
occupies an entire building on the west side of
Broadway, between Forty.second and Forty-frst
streets.
In London Mr. Pruger. has become known to
thousands of Americans. Before going to the
Savoy he conducted the Grand Hotel rationale.
Leizone, and chain of hotels in southern Eu.
rope, including the Grand Hotel at Monte Carlo
and the Grand Hotel at Rome Z.