davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
A HUMAN GIBRALTAR.
The Story That Is Told of the English
Colonel Burnaby,

In the biography Of Colonel Fred
Burllaby there Is a characteristic
story, told by his friend Lord Ginning.
IF that soldier of hcrculean frame and
reckless courage:
We were engaged in IL football
match on the green inside Windsor
:avalry barracks, ard the verandas
We're crowded with onlookcrs as the
olollel, dressed for London in frccE
coat and tail hat, with cigar in his
mouth. came out of the officers quar-
tcrs and proceeded slowly across n
,or@cl of the ground, apparently OBJ
iiv:otls; of the fact that Il match was in
progress at the time. At this moment
uur fullbacii. Il gigantic Yorkshireman
na:ncd Bates, who must have weighed
nearer fifteen than fourteen stone.
cilarsing inpatuously for the ball.
dashed full into Buliiaby The impac,
vas terrific. but while the Yorkshire
Ial:, h,.slcl backward by the shock as
!.oGGh he had collilcd with noun.
iii. lay tsasping on the ground. neithe'
..:::nahy's hat nor the angle of hi
isar was IN the smallest degree dis
rurbed. In fact. he scarcely seemed
o realize that collision had taken
.elaec. When lie Gid so he removed his
in"ar from his; mouth and. With his
laas;i:lt smile. said. Dear me, / dc
lane ain not Interfering with tho
came" The shout of delight which
vent up from the vcrandas was q
hing I, rcmembar.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
things that she knew. Now
!, doesn't it make your head whirl
{. when you think what you owe
i the telephone girl? Onawa
lSentinel
FOXES HAVE SCALES.

A Naturalist Compares These Ami
mails With the Reptiles.
IL. Toldt. Il Nienncse naturalist. says
that foxes have scales as we'll as hair
upon their skins. From this he argues
that they have descended from ances-
tors bearing horny skins, like the arma-
dillos and the ant eaters.
Every one who has examined a rat
closely knows that its tail is scaly
throughout its length. Those who are
familiar with wild boars know also
that there are parts OF their bodies on
which there are distinct scales. Whcr.
ever the scales are found on these
creatures with hairs as we'll, these
hairs grow in tufts at regular inter
walls between the scales. AS this form
of growth is often found in animals
which have no scales it is believed
that when 1t exists it proves origin
from Il race which once bore scales.
Especially is this true of the fox II
his skin be examined closely it will be
found that the hairs are arranged in
groups of three lunches. each bunch
containing fourteen or fifteen hairs.
and that the skin has the appearance
Of that of a scaled ant eater from which
the scales have been plucked. Under
.he microscope it looks scaly. Herr
Toldt says the fox is one of the mann
mails that can be most correctly com.
pared With the reptiles, being of a
primitive and very slightly specialized
type, although famous for its cunning
New York WOrld.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
t4uco and Merimo e.

1t is probable that with the exec.
tion OF byron no great literary geni,l.
ever WAS greeted with such Il storm
of vlification and abuse as Nirto
hugo when he published LES Miscr
.ubles." While the book took the pull,
lie literally off their feet. almost ali
fiugo's rivals united in condemning j,
md its author.
Prosper Mcrmce wrote in reference
20 Il dinner given to Hugo at Brussels
Have you read Victor Hugo's
>peech at the dinner given to him by
5elgian librarians and other scoun.
Crels of Brussels? His statements
we're without depth. solidity or com.
II, IN sense. He is n man who intoxi.
ca 'cs himself with words and does no,
tai e the trouble to think"
Hctor Hugo retorted by writing to &
friel d, M. Aerimee is man natu.
rally vile"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
ROBIN HOOD NOT A MYTH.
Hero of Sherwood Forest Fad Court
Place Under kina Edward III,

Hero of Sherwood Forest Fad a Court
Place Under King Edward II.
Many famous men have their names
linked with Sherwood King John. tn:
three Edwards. Richard ILL.,, Cardinal
Wolsey and Charles I.--but the hero OF
the place, the genius loci." is Robin
Hood.
Some think that the famous outlaw
Of the ballads was myth. mere pc
etc conception and creature of the
popular mind, but Mr.. Hunter in his
research into the person and period Of
Robin Hood holds that he vas borr
between 1885 and 1895. living through
the reign of the second Edward an6
into the early years Of the third. &c
vas of a family Of some station seat
I'd near Wakefield and supported the
Earl of Lancaster il his rebellion
against the government. When the
earl fell and his followers were pro
seribed Robin Hood took to the woods
and supported himself by Staying the
wild animals found IN the forest and
Ivy levying species of biacklnail on
passengers along the great read which
uaited London and Berwick. This
continued for about twenty months
from April. 1900. to December. 1923
when he fell into tie kings power
who fer some unknown reason not
only pardoncd him. hut gave him a
place at court. Anyhow. man of ths
name of Eobyn Hcde was "varlet"
Of the Ling in 1924.
Dr.. Spencer Il. FALL says that Robyn
was erclted Earl of Huntington by 8
London ballad writer hard up for |;
word to rhyme to Little John. b.,
this as it may, Robin Hood will always
be the hero of romance. and those who
love romance will refuse to believe
that he never existed. London Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
THE DOCTORS.
Tribute to the Nobility of the Medical
Profession.


Profession.
To enter the medical profession is t.
find oneself in most noble company
When Dante was led by Virgil into thu
presence of "the master of them thu:
know" he SAW Aristotle surrounded b.
group of the sagcs of antiquity. LEO!
ut them as they ar" introduced one b.
one. ard you will see that IL fourth o
them bear names illustrious lii medi
cine TO take note of Int one-IIippoc
rates is there. The student will MOI
turn to his pages now to learn what
or class rooms. Vet he will do we'll t.
la to heart the spirit that guided "thG
father OF medicine" in drawing up thu
cath imposed on The students of th,
Ilippocratic school. "Witll purity and
with holiness" the candidate WA,
made to swear. II will pass my lif,
ard practice my art. Into whatcvc.
houses l enter ] will go into them fol
the benefit of the sick, will abstai,
from every voluntary act of miscllie'
and corruption"
In the long succession Of those win
have enlarged Tie bounds of his sci
nncc the stNlen. will meet with
great army of men who have Kept ths
spirit Of that oath undo. hi.,lier sane
lions than We're open to the pioneer
whom the medieval poet consigns t.
a place in his inferno because, though
blameless of sin. they had not beer
baptized.-sir Alexander Simpson H..
London Culver.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
A CROSS ON HIS BACK.
I. Was Made With Chalk, but w.s

1t Was Made With Chalk, but Was
Too Heavy to Garry.
There is q story Of an envious tailor
current with the French peasantry.
He fancied that his neighbor, who re.
ccived a pension for the loss of an arm
incurred while fighting for his coun-
try. was better off than himself. Both
men went to pay their rent ON the
same day.
That's lucky man." said the tailor
to the landlord. "He gets we'll paid
for his arm"
But who would be willing to part
with an arm, even If lie were paid for
IT." said the landlord.
II would" declared the tailor
"You" cried the landlord. "Why,
man, you wouldn't be willing to bear
anything of the sort, no matter how
much you were paid for it."
Il wish some one would try me-"
"Now, see here" said the landlord.
who had studied human nature, I'll
tel! you what-if you'll wear even SO
much as chalk mark on your back
I'll remit your rent as long as you
wear 1t on your coat SO 1t can be seen,
the condition being that you tell NO
one why it is there"
Agreed" said the tailor eagerly
sThat's an easy way to pay rent"
So the chalk mark in the form of
cross was made on the back of his
coat, ard the delighted tailor sailed
forth upon the street.
Strangers and acqtaiE:anccs hailed
him to tell him OF the mark on his
back. Jokes were made at his cx.
.ense, children laughed and pointed at
nim, and his wife annoyed him with
questions and with conjugal familiari
~ told him lie was fool The usual
ly amiable man grew surly and mo
rose: he Stunned men, women and
children and frcquented back streets
Gefora the week was up the tailor
found himself cinbroilcd in a quarrel
With his best friend, his wife had
threatened to leave his house, and he
considered himself miserable and IL!
used
Finally one night he took off his
coat and rubbed out the chalk mark
and said: "There! would net wear
that cross on my back another week.
no. not IL could have all the money
there is in Paris!"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Tho Old Eco.

"New York is no longer young anf
unsophisticated," said !. man who has
visited all the old world capitals. ssh,
has now all the WEAKNESS and vice o.
Paris, London and Rome. They VIII,
still speak Of New York as young
childish, innocent, remind me of I.or.
Exc OF the Carlton.
Lord Exc. at seventy, tried to lea.
The life Of Il youth of twenty-five. III
dyed his hair. wore q corset and fire.
Iucnted the music halls. l'iccailiil.
circus and the Burlington arcade. On
afternoon as lie drove from the Car.
ton in his brougham member said
smiling:
There goes Exc He told me owe.
whisky and soda just now that h..
felt as fresh as Il two-ycar-old
Another member snecrcd.
lie probably meant IL two ear-olt
egg he murmurcd.' New York Sun.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
The Order of Fools

April ! is not the only fools day in
The year. On November II, 1891, the
Order of Fools WAS Instituted by Adul
plus, count of Clcvcs.
Members We're not by any means
idiots, however, for the word had q
different meaning then. They were
the prototype of our modern Order OF
Forestcrs or Odd Fellows, doing a
similarly benevolent work. Their in
sigma consisted of Il mantle. upon llls
left shoulder of which was embroidered
a jester, or fool, in cap and bells. vel
low hose and silver vest. So Ties,
CHEEKY useful jokers had bright
happy outlook upon life and met to
gether to dispense the earnest of thcil
hcalthful existence at stated intervals
the chief day of which was Nov. H.
London Chronicle
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
oA0ToREA.
Bear, Il. ,1hs Kind You Have Always sapgh
''s, = lH7zzszya
COLLEGE MECHANICS.
Come Popular With the students--ob.
lection Made to Others.

Come Popular Win the Students--Cb.
lection Made to Others.
Some of the colleges have Il great
dislike to the way in which they arc
referred to commonly in connection
with athletics. For instance, Yves
lcyan men don't like to be called 1.-THE
Methodists," as they appear sometimes
AT the Naval academy there Is q
strong prejudice against being "a led
annapolis" The navy men .ren'l
particularly fond of "midshipmen.'
They believe the proper name for then
Institution IS the navy"
Columbia ha; IL great distastc for tho
scntatives in athletics or other public
appearances. At the University of Chi
cago there is Il dislike Of the name
"Chicago university" sometimes APP.
piled.
Although not so strongly opposed to
the full title university of pcnnsyl-
vania" as we'll as plain "Pcnnsylva.
MIA" "Penn" is preferred to either.
"NIaroons" for Chicago men, "Gophcrs'
for Minnesota. Badgers for Wis
consin students, "Cornhuskers" for Ne
braska, "WolvercnesD for Michigan
"Illini" for the meI of Illinois-all arc
names that are popular at those col
legcs and are used by the men there
i'll speaking of their own teams. In
deed, to Il man llnacquainted Will
nicknames the average statement re
garding conference college is puz-
cling because of the almost entire lack
of straightout names.-New York Sun.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
WHAT WE OWE THE TELE,
PHONE GIRL.
If the Telephone Girl Would
Tell all she Knows
But she Won't.

The telephone girl is still in
her chair and listens to voices
from everywhere. She hears
all the news; she knows who is
happy and who's drinking booze
Say, it's not joy when you learn
of new styles and of every girl
who is chasing the boys. She
knows of our troubles, she
knows of our strife, she knows
every man who is mean to his
wife. She knows every time
we are out with the boys; she
hears the excuse each fellow
employs. She knows every
woman who has a dark past;
she knows every man who is in.
climbed to be "fast." In fact
there's a secret meath each
saucy curl of that demure look
ing telephone girl. If the tele-
phone girl would tell all she
knows, she wonld turn all her
friends to bitterest foes. Sh e
would SOW a small wind that
would soon be a gale, engulf us
in trouble, land US in Jail; she
could let go a story, which
gaining in force, would cause
half our wives to sue for d.
vorce. The churches mixed up
in a fight and turn all our days
TO Borrowing nights. In fact
she could keep everything in a
ste Y if she'd tell a tenth of the
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
THE PLOT OF A PLAY.
! How saraoa Cans {. Write lie,
j

Pe..ss q, ile::eho."
Sardou sat working at Il scent :: lap.
tation of Voltaire's "CanGilr.'' q. Il il
hung fire not because the. ;;,s no
prospect of Il dinner, Int u Sc his
pipe WAS empty aud ! -. not a
penny wllcrewith to h.. eco. Sud.
denly Oh cpenin" II dr;iy. " VI his table
lie uttered !; cry of jos ut the sight of
five or sis tickets ct Il wine company
which gave lis Customers IL voucher
for 60 ceitiE.cf itr every bottle pur-
chased. "A quarter of an hour after
warl he was HE happy possessor OF
a silver frame pie, I and some sous be.
sides. =
Picking up Il sc..ip of paper off the
sanded floor Of the tobacco shop. lie
"as about to light his weed wilca the
words Marie laurent caught hi:
eye. The ''unconsilcrcd tribe turned
out to be the fragment of a letter from
the we'll known actress to her son
Charles. Sardou put his find in his
pocket, but OH his way home his
plot weaving faculties. stimulated by
the fumes Of the tobacco, at once re
asserted themselves.
This is the innocent letter of o
mother TO her boy he said to himself
Surprising. however, ii had been the
letter of a woman to her lover and,
falling by similar accident into the
hands of the woman's husband, wish
ing to light his cigar
The suggestion led to his play LES
Pattcs de Mouche. London Chron
tolo
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Studying the Crowd.

There doesn't seem to be any diff
'ercare between n crowded train In
no nlernii.. ard crowded train a,
::s':t, dccs there" qucried Il subwa!
sravHlcr of his companion. "But !
n';!,i distin~l:ish enc fru,l the other
YIN if had no idea of the hours"
"-.s!S the guard:''
no. All you need to do is to meas
.rc the buzz of conversation. In the
alcr,,ing. when the crowd Is fresh and
m the way to business. the converse,
ion is at least ten times in volume
What it is at night, when the crowd is
ircd and on the way home. Often.
lines ut night I've been in crowded
ar Fer ten minutes without hearing a
'aund save the rattle of newspapers
snG an occasional cough That same
rnwt in the morning would be full
If Dialogue. punctuated here and there
with laughter
cts just wee study in human ma.
ture. that's all."-New York Globe.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Women and New Money.

The cashier, as usual, paid the loom
boss in new moncy--crisp, sweet smell
Ing bank notes that il WAS pleasant to
handle.
But why is il, George he asked.
that you insist upon new money al
ways? | know you hand every cent
of it to Your wife"
The loom boss rlucklcd.
Its easy I" see YOU amt II married
man. VIII" said he. "Otlerwisc you'd
Know woman's nature better and
wouldn't need to he told the advun-
tagc of taking home new money t.
the wife. The explanation is, Will.
that women arc so fond of new money
that they hate To part With il. II
makes them economical. They bar,
gain for this they deny themselves
that, aud the upsllot is that at the end
of each week they have II tidy little
sum, all brand new, put by in IL stock
ing or Il teapot. II pays, Will, TO give
the wife new money. 1t pays some
thing like 20 per Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
AM Unsocial Pedant.

cat Trinity. Cambridge, the great
Or. Whewell was the incarnation Of
mastcrful unsociability," says Mr.
Tollemache in his "reminiscences. "a
Trinity friend told me III the fifties
hat Whewell's evening parties went
by the name of 'perpendiculars' be
cause The undergraduates We're expect.
ed to remain standing all the time
though he himself sat down whenever
lie cheese. II is also related that. being
shortsighted. he inspected each man
in turn mt unpleasantly close quarters
and it was high crime for any one
to speak until he was spoken to- On
one occasion under the trying scrutiny
IN unwary freshman remarked that
The weather was fine. Sir replied the
pcdant, are you not aware that If you
have any communication to make to
he master of your college you should
make 1t through your tutor?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Msnss:eld's Lonely Meals.

There We're two meals which Mans
ticll always ate alone-breallfas and
the light repast Of broth and oysters
late in the afternoon. An empty stom-
ach attacked his nerves and set his
temper on edge. In the morning he
was in no convenient mood until he
had the invariable coffee and bacon
After a somewhat rigid abstinence
during the balance of the day ard
evening the fatigue of performance
edged his nerves till his midnight sup
per, which, with a troop of friends
about him, warmed him into the sun.
NEST h:lmor of the day. A book or
play was the companion of his soli-a-
ry meals.-I'aul Wilstach in Scribner's.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
8. February, Slo,14.

AZ. February, Slo,44.
as stated above $152,7O3 sc in
March. 5000 receipts were
written to cover these payments
The auditors office is having
plenty of business these days
settling up with the assessors
from the different townships
and towns. Every one of the
books has to be gone over and
proven before acceptance by
the auditor, and where errors
are found they must be located.
Quite a job you would think if
you had it to do.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
oriain of Cards

The origin of cards lies far back "a
the hidden antiquity of Asia, no rec
ord so far having been found to un-
ravcl The source. 1t was from the dis
tant orient that cards, along with
chess, We're first introduced into south
crn Europe, Spain and Italy especially
The earliest OF these cards have been
lost unfortunately and no record Of
them preserved.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Items from the Times Of Is
wears ago TODAY.

10 1850 o.
BURGERS entered Cramel s
store last night ard stole about
fifty dollars worth Of goods.
M. O'Connor was yesterday
appointed foreman of the Boil
err shops of the F. E. & M. v. in
this city. Mike is one of tie
best workmen in the west and
we are glad 10 see him promo
ted.
Cashier Burke says he has
several cases of grippe on hand
and he wants Massie to come
down with his receipt.
Charley Deur is clerking for
G. G. Lloyd.
We attended a spiritual circle
last night and the table was
moved-tha is, it was moved
over to the otter side of the
room s'and a game of High
five was organized so we left.
Corn is three inches high.
Councilmen O'Connor's little
girl Bessie has about recovered
from her recent sickness and is
able to be up again.
Harry Newton was given a
surprise party by a number of
his young friends last night-a
very pleasant time was had
Refreshments were served at
$50.
May Finley, daughter of En-
gineer Dan Finley, returned
from Boone last night for a
couple of days visit with her
parents. She will return to
Boone, Sunday evening and fin
ish the Spring term of school.
Cnarly Langdon traded eff
his Side-Wheel,r yesterday for
a one eyed horse.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
TREASURER GETS MUCH
CASH
First Quarter of 1909 Brings
Lots of Work and Money
to the Co. Treasurer
er's Office

er's Office
Observer-$l76.899 10 sounds
like q big sum of money doesn't
it? That is the exact amount
that was paid into the county
treasurer's Office during the
first three months Of 1909 as
taxes. Treasurer M. B. Pitt
and Deputy Fred Stern have
been busy and are still busy
posting this large amount of
money to their books. The
receipts were sent out of course
as soon as possible after the
payment, but the money has ito
be divided into the different
funds for each of the taxing
precints or districts in the
county. They are working
from z o'clock in the morning
until II at night getting the
apportionment in shape for the
different townships when the
call is made for their funds.
OF the big amount of money
collected $152, 7O3.86 was paid
in March, the largest days bus
mess being $46,3l1.69 and on
one other day $19,931.77 was
received and $13,397.12 on an
other day. A great deal of
these payments were made
with checks of course so the
Office safe was never overload
ed with currency, though there
were days when the pile was
quite large.
If any of our readers have
an inclination to be provoked
because the treasurer or his
deputy hae not been out in the
country visiting lately just
consider the amount of bust
1cino and
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29

The presentation of Cast
Lynne" will be complete to the
minutest detail and will be the
best all around performance of
the great play that local Thea
tire patrons have ever had an
opportunity Of witnessing.
Opera house Saturday, May LIST
Admission Is -35 so cents.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Tho Very First One.

The visitors in the historical mu-
scum gazed curiously at small feath.
er pillow which nestled in n glass case.
81 don't see anything unusual about
that pillow" remarked one of the WIS.,
itors, turning to the guide.
Its very valuable pillow" replied
the guide. ''That is Washington's
original headquarters. '-Lippincott's.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29

Call at Soufhs and sec
the elegant line Of new
May Millinery-also fine
line Of Suits, Jackets, Skirts
Shirt waists and lace cur.
tain and last but not least
our G. D. Justrife corset
giving the hfpless form.
Come and sec u.
j. H. South.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
Tho Way He Felt About II.

While several young ladies were dis
cussing novel plans for a church ba.
zaar a new member of the committee
proposed to have the PASTORS photo
graph reproduced on pillow tops and
"chance" them off. All the girls voiced
.heir approval at once, but when the
plan was suggested to the parson he
objected.
II really cannot consent" said he
"1've been sat on enough as 1t is."-
Ladies' Home Journal.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
A Geological Question.

The director of the geological gar
dcns was on his vacation. He receiv-
ed a note from his chief assistant,
which closed thusly: 'The chimpanzee
seems to be pining for companion
What shall we do until you return ~
st. Louis Republic.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-04-29
His Kick.

Mr.. Holesalc-So old Pepperpot had
n kick coming on that last bill of
goods. ell? Wouldn't that make you
sore? Mr.. I.itcwate dhe saleslnam-It
did me. sir. He kicked me out. Kan
sas City Independent