davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
D MINISTER'S STORY.
q Didn't Have the Intended Effect
Upon the Congregation.

q Didn't Have the Intended Effect
Upon the Congregation.
It is said that a New England min
lister once told the following story just
before the collection was taken up:
ri have heard of man, prosperous
and well to do, who went to church
one Sunday and put a cent-just a
plain copper cent-in the collection
box.
"On the way home he was overtaken
by sudden heavy shower and, hav-
ing no umbrella, crawled into a hol-
low log by the roadside to keep him
self dry until the downpour was over.
"Soon the log began to swell, and
the wetter it got the more it swelled
until the sides finally closed in on the
prosperous citizen and held him In
grip like q wise.
1.-THE rain ceased, but the unfortu-
nate man was unable to move hand
or foot He shouted for help. but no
one heard him. He was about to give
up in despair when he suddenly thought
Of the cent he had dropped into the
collection box that day, and it made
him feel so mean and small that he
crawled right out of the log without
any further trouble.
''Now, if you expect to get caught in
a shower and be obliged to take refuge
in a hollow log on the way home, by
all means put a cent in the contribu-
ton basket! If you don't anticipate a
crisis of that sort-well, you will know
what to do when the basket is passed"
The minister expected a shower of
silver and bills to follow this story,
but unfortunately just as the collec-
ton began a black cloud passed over
head, it suddenly began to sprinkle,
and the pennies fairly rained into the
contribution basket. Only one quar-
ter, solitary dime and lone nickel
were found among the coppers, and
they got in before the shower began.
The congregation, it seems, had all
left their umbrellas at home, and they
were not taking any chances.-New
York Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Got the Number,

Police Captain-You say that an au-
tomobile containing several persons
sped along the street and struck down
an old man? New Of1cer-Yis, sor.
Police Captain-And that after chas-
ing this auto for several blocks you
finally succeeded in getting the num-
berP New Of1cer-Yis, sor. Police
Captain-Good. What was the num-
Der? New Officer-There wor just
foive persons in tn car, sor!-Circle
Magazine
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Defends Red-Haired Girl.

Elinor Glyn says that red-haired
girls are always unhappy, and as her
own hair is said to be as near red as
possible, she no doubt speaks from
experience. Other women, however,
are not inclined to agree with Mrs.
Glyn, and declare that no red-haired
women really believes her hair to be
red, but is fully satisfied within her
own consciousness that it is the most
beautiful shade of auburn.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Positive Reasons.

The Observation-Disclosures, why don't
you come to church now? Macintosh
For three reasons, sir. Firstly, I
dinna like yer theology; secondly, l
dinna like yer singin', and, thirdly. it
was in your kirk 1 first met my wife
Dundee Advertiser.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Took IL Personally.

An author engaged young lady
typewriter to take down his new novel
from dictation. At the passage: ooh!
my adorable angel, accept the confes-
sion from my lips that l cannot exist
without you! Make me happy; come
and share my lot and be mine units
death do us part!"-his fair secretary
paused and ingenuously inquired: rs
that to go down with the rest?"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Loss of Scotch Grain Crop.

It is difficult to estimate the total
loss on the Scottish grain crop of this
season, but if we put the deterioration
at the quite moderate figure of e2
an acre for 80 per cent. of the lands
under crop the total is a sum consid.
erably over a2,00O,0OO. The winter
loss from using half-rotten fodder and
from protracted sales of discoIored
and musty grain is not so easily cal.
culated.--Glasgow Herald.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Essentials of Oratory.

ST have my speech nearly com
pleted."
81 suppose you have marshaled your
in serried ranks?"
"No: | haven't taken up that part of
It. But have selected my anecdotes"
Washington Star.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Something New for the Bishop.

~~IIISEIIFIIS wv TT S''~ =
A distinguished bishop of the Epis-
copal church arriving late at small
town one night, found the hotel closed,
and hammering at the door for admis-
sion, neighbor stuck his head out OF
an adjoining window with, Say, stran-
ger, knock like HI" to which the
bishop replied: 81 don't know how.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
The Sister States.

Probably the sister states are: Miss
Ouri, the Misses Sippi. Ida Ho, Mary
Land, Callie Fornia Allie Bama, Lou
isa Anna, Della Ware and Minnie
Sota.-Letts Iowa Record.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
XIII or Cure,

did your wife feel better after she
got the medicine?" We'll, hardly. Soon
as she read the wrapper she got three
new dresses."-New York Herald,
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

Where Electric Power is Cheap.
There are villages in the Alps and
Pyrenees where electric power is so
cheap that it does not pay to turn
off the lights on leaving a room.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Heard the Accompaniment.

Heard the Accompaniment.
''What is he trying to do to the
pianos"
''He is making shimmering moon
light"
81 could get one part Of it."
(Which part?
"Where the cats were fighting on
the back fence.'
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
Cheap Acquaintance.

Cheap Acquaintance.
81 met a pretender when / was in
Europe"
"How did you like himw
'He seemed to be fine fellow"
did he perform for you?"
"Of course not"
"Then you missed part Of the sights.
You should have given him a quarter
and asked him to pretend for a half
hour"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

We must conclude from hearing
some people talk that there are
lot of men in this wide world who are
dismal failures and go right along and
enjoy themselves and never know it
the brutoS!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

Some men seem to think it proves
their bravery when Of two evils they
choose the worse.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

The man who appears to be blind tc
the ward boss.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

The fellow with the big bump Of
originality isn't apt to be found with
the majority.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
HumOr and
Philosophy
By DUNCAN n. SMITH
UNIVERSAL FAVORITE.

Although you are very old
And stable institution
And was On deck some years before
Our worthy constitution,
Still you are ever young, sweet spring,
And if it does not tire you
We'd like ID let you know again
How truly we admire you.
You come Defore our eager gaze
AS fresh as any. daisy,
And by the perfumes that you shed
You set the poet crazy.
He dashes off a frenZied line
Alive and full of meaning,
And then his wife appears and says
The basement steps need cleaning.
You coax the grass to come along,
You teach the birds to twitter
And even get lazy man
To rake and burn the litter.
You help the little onion seeds
To swell and do some shooting,
And on the fresh and placid air
You set the fog horn footing.
You make the old feel young again.
The years roll from their shoulders
AS in some cline they tell about
In advertising folders.
You make the earth pleasant place.
A land of milk and honey.
All this you do and more besides
Without a cent of money.
Late Reminder.
"Paw. did you use to crawl under
the circus tent when you were a
boy?"
"Sure! never paid a cent"
"How many times did you do it?'
Twenty times at least"
"There was a man here this after
noon who said that he was the pro-
prietor of an old time show and that
be had heard of you and was around
trying to collect, with interest"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

Foolishness is contagious, and one
attack by no means renders you Inn
mune from it's ravages.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

With baseball and circus weather
coming rapidly on, why should small
boy care to be anything but a small
boy?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

A married woman who takes very
little interest in the styles isn't think
ing of getting a divorce.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-05-12

Luck hates the slow, for they are
apt to plod along and get there with
out any help or hindrance from luck.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
GOEPFER|CH AGAIN
HEADS CONCORO|A
SINGING SOCIETY

Jacob Goepferich, for the last eigh-
teen years president of the Concordia
Singing Society, was reelected as its
head at the semi-annual meeting in
Harburger's Hall, Hamburg place, last
night. The other officers are: Vice
president, Fritz A. Sauer; recording
and corresponding secretary, Louis
Werrell: financial secretary. Henry Lip
pert; treasurer, Frank A. Frechin, col
lector, Oscar Schrader; librarian,
Charles Dehmer; assistant librarian,
Charles Pfeiffer. trustee, Adolph Hens
Ter; musical director, Emil Tesche;
vice-musical director, Henry Egner, jr.
The funeral double quartet is made
up of William Haeussler, Louis Lac
mann. Charles Pfeiffer, Louis Werrell,
Henry Egnet, jr. Albert Henning
Fritz Sauer and William Buechner. On
the music committee are; William
Haeussler. Henry Lippert, Lorenz
Haeussler and Robert Feidweg. while
William Walk, Charles Dehmer and
Frank Mueller make up the finance
committee.
The society will have it's ~fifty-second
masked ball on the night Of
Washington's Birthday.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
WHO WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT ANYONE
WAS THAT EASY?

Until yesterday Giuseppe Venziano's
faith in human nature was the strong
est trait of his character. but this
~commendable virtue suffered such a
shock in a transaction with two of his
countrymen that he has become an
ardent disciple of the never again"
cult.
Venziano. who lives at % Factory
street, met two strangers yesterday at
the corner of Railroad avenue and
Plane street. They engaged him in
conversation and casually asked hin to
recommend a bank in which they might
deposit a large sum Of money. Ever
willing to oblige. Nenzisno urned and
retraced his steps toward such al in
~stitution on upper Broad street. On
the way one of the strangers suggested
to the other that Venziano would prob
ably be able to take care of their
funds for q few days, and that by SO
doing he would save them the trouble
of dealing with a bank.
Venziano readily fell in with this
suggestion, and as readily consented to
give them whatever security he pos
eessed for the sa~fe-keeping of the
money. The tvs strangers halted
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
To Keen Chiidren's Heads Clean

There is always more or less trouble keeping
the heads of children free from vermin. espe-
cially while attending school. All bad smelling
oils and poisonous drugs should be avoided. as
they ruin the hair and endanger the chiidren's
lives. This simple but sure remedy, which IS
by leading physicians, and has
been adopted by school and health authorities,
should be followed by every mother Of children.
Wet the hair with warm water and rub thor
oughly with Fitzgerald's Vernin Hair Soap. a
sanitary medicated shampoo which can be oh
tanned OF any druggist. This soap VIII form a
thiek medicated lather, which should be al
lowed to remain fifteen minutes or more--la bad
cases II should remain OYER uight-sinse of with
warm water. rub dry and comb the hair. This
will thoroughly cleanse 1t of all nits, vermin,
dandruff, contagious disease germs and dirt. and
cure sores an diseases OF the scalp. Following
this course every week, as Is done In children's
institutions. and by thousands of careful
mothers, will keep the hair perfectly clean and
1t will never itch or need fire combing. 1t Will
keep it soft and fluffy. prevent It's falling out
and promote it's healthy growth. A Decent box
is sufficient for several months use. Mothers
should save this, If your druggist does not have
this soap he WIN get II for you. or Fitzgerald
Soap Co., Coliingswood, n. j., Will send u to
you by mail en- receipt of rTics and your drug
gist,s name. and viii return your money II not
Antirely satisfied with its results.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
JUDGE SENDS BAD
BOYS WHERE THEY
MAY Be REFORMED
Young Lads, Neglected, Try to
Drive Away with Horse
and Wagon.

Walter Carlton, aged 6; his brother
Dan, aged s. of 50 Oliver street, and
their comrade, Calvin Russell Blewitt,
of IS Bank street, were arraigned before
Judge Hahn, in the latter's private
Office at the First Precinct today.
These boys, according to Judge Hahn
and the police, neglected by their paN-
ents, attempted to drive away with d
horse and wagon yesterday.
Only the day previous Daniel Carlton
drove a horse to his home and invited
his mother to look at a real live ami
NAL. He had stolen it.
Today Judge Hair sent Daniel Carl
ton to the City Home, while Walter will
go to the Kimball home, and young
Blewitt was told to go home and bring
his mother to court tomorrow.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
ceiver? Will 0 vote for Guen-

ceiver? Will you vote for Guen-
ther and Ross for those offices?"
THAT will depend on circumstances
IF the Democrats put up candidates
will you vote for them?"
st don't know"
"Have you any candidates of your
W that you wish to back"
ooh, nos
"Then o are not sure yet what you
will do tonight"
II won't attend the caucus. Alder
man Wright and Alderman MCGOWAN
made themselves ridiculous last Friday
night by trying to have me removed
from my regular seat in the chamber
by force. Dc you think 1 would go
into an caucus after I had been
treated the way I have? If they had
acted fairly it might be different. AS
it is 1 am advised not to CO."
well, about this money considera-
ton that You spoke of. In your state
ment of last week you said hat 1t had
been offered for your vote. Are you
going to expose the person or persons
who made the offer?'
Il am advised not to. They know
who did it, n if they want the thing
to come out they car make it,"
WHO are they alderman"
Il do not care to say"
ID you Know that public off :
cial offered brides is required to lay
such information before the proper au-
thorities for action? Are you going
to do that"
II will have to get more advice be-
fore l do. AS it is l have nothing to
say about it yet. Perhaps there will be
something more. in that line later
Then you are not as yet unalterably
opposed to everything Democratic"
"Oh, no. 1t will depend on cilcum-
stances"
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
Used Steinway, Chickering, Bradbury and other
good Pianos are here to select from.

1T you ever expect to buy a piano [
to buy a piano cheap.
We are determined to clear out this imu1 ense
and last years designs the latter are new pianos),
be withheld. A customer who comes this week will
sold in this country. This stock Just now is very la
pianos galorc-and what is best, every piano i, in tt
will save money. He can save big money.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
Every NJ an Read
This

This treatment is said to have ac-
CURED u wonderful reputation
throughout the East. owing to its
peculiar propensity to fortify the
nerve force and generate health and
a consequent personal magnetism, so
essential to the happiness of every
normal human being, 1t is claimed
to be a blessing TO those who arc
physically impaired, gloomy, de-
spondent, ervou and who have
trembling of the limbs, dizziness,
heart palpitation, cold hands and
feet, insomnia, fear without cause,
timidity in venturing and general in
ability to act nationally as otheIs do.
Also of vast benefit to writer's, pro-
fessional men, Office workers and the
victims OF society's late hours and
overindulgcnce in wines, liquors, etc.
BY preparing the treatment at
home secretly, no one need know OF
dents are much used in filing vari-
u prescriptions, so that ever Che
purchase of them separately need
occasion no tImldity.
If the reader decides to try 1t, get
three ounces of ordinary syrup sar-
sapariifa compound, and n ounce
compound fluid balmwort: mix and
let stand two hours; then get one
ounce compound essence cardiol and
one ounce tlncture cadomene COM
pound mot eardamoml: mix all to-
gether, shake we'll and take a tea
spoonful after each meal and n at
night.
This contains no opiates whatever
and may also be used by womeD
who snffer with their nerves with
absolute certainty of prompt and
lasting benefits.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
.DOLkN WILL NOT
join CAUCUS OF
/ HIS COLLEAGUES
Refuses to Accept Invitation
for Pow=wOw of Democratic
Aldermen.

Twelfth ward, will not attend the DEM
ocratic caucus of the Common Council
which will precede the Council meeting
tonight. He announced his decision
definitely today. The question was put
plainly to him.
"Will you attend the caucus tonight,
alderman" he was asked.
II certainly will not" he answered.
Twill you attend the Council meeting
at an?"
81 expect to, now
What do you expect to dc about the
election Of city treasurer and tax re-
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
WHEN

you are thinking Orient
ing a room, fat, apart
ment, house, or looking
for a boarding house, you
don't have to walk the
streets all day in search
Of same if you will take
advantage of the Infor-
NATION Bureau now in
Stalled by The Newark
Star for the benefit of its
leaders who are seeking
0 o IN i n G ~adcommoda-
lions.
In conjunction with this
Information Bureau there will
be found OH the classified page
In application blank for the
Benefit of those who are too /.
busy to call at this office, and
Rhich can be filled out and
hailed to The Newark Star In
prmation Bureau, 7o4 Broad
f., and all information SO
sked will be furnished free
,@A a.H|
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
MENDELSSOHN CENTENARY
TO BE CELEBRATED HERE,
Ben Greet's Players to Aid at
Auditorium.

Mendelssohn's centenary is to be cele-
brated in Newark in a way that will
please the admirers of the great music
writer. The occasion is the appearance
OF the famous Russian Symphony Or
chesra, under the leadership of Mo
dest Altschuler, in conjunction With
the Ben Greet Players, who are to per-
form "A Midsummer Nights Dream"
in the Kruger AUDITORIUM tomorrow
afternoon and evening.
Mendelssohn's delightful music will
be heard throughout the entire per-
Torrance.
The company is a most capable one.
There are many reserved seats as low
as fifty cents and 81. A good audience
is already promised by the advanced
bookings.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22
PLATTDEUTscHER vEREIN DANCE.

One OF the events of the carnival sea-
son will be the masked dance of the
Plattdeutcher Verein, scheduled for
February II in the Colosseum, Spring
field Q The officers of the com
mittee. which organized last night, in
Dassing's Hall. are: Chairman, August
G, Meyer. secretary, Francis AArens;
treasurer. Peter stxunk.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-22

he gave to the strangers, one of whom,
opening ven2iano's coat, placed In his
inner pocket a handkerchief ostensibly
filled with greenbaeks. Il wasn't.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-30
Q
A N D
INVEST MENT I
 OPPOR TUNHTlES
SOUTFISIDE.

 s40Oo-An elegant, 2-story, s-room mod ern residence; already piped for fur mace and having cabinet mantles and grates; electric lights; stationary wash stands; porcelain bath and everything to make a complete home; has ample lot on an alley corner, on car line, excellent neighborhood and within walking dis tance or town. We can make very easy terms and will take pleasure in showing this property.
 s5250-A neat we'll arranged, comfortable cottage home of five rooms within two blocks of Five Points, elevated lot; best section of Eleventh avenue. This is a bargain at above price in this To- cality; reasonable terms can be ar ranged.
 The above are two special bargains, but we have many others on Southside and Highlands; let us know what you want.
 NORTHSIDE. $40O0-Beautiful elevated lot stone wall in front; facing south, overlooking>city; half block car in walking distance of town with a substantial 2-story, Broom residence; this place Is being repapered and painted and is easily worth s4500; we can sell 1t on terms of about $500 cash, balance monthly rental basis. S4500-A brand new Groom cottage on elevated lot facing east; very best part !, North Highlands. This place is hand somely papered; has four cabinet man. ties, handsome light fixtures, porcelain bath, and in fact is a strictly modern and up-to-date home; 1t Is rented for $35 per month to a good tenant and will make good investment or a first-class home; convenient to car and in easy walking distance of town; we can make very easy terms.
 The above are two special bargains but we have many others on Northside and Highlands; let us know what you want.
 TWO SUBURBAN SNAPS. S1OO Cash, balance $2O per month, for a practically new, absolutely modern, D. room cottage; electric lights gas, bath, sanitary sewerage, cabinet mantles, china press, kitchen cabinet facing east nice neighborhood; paved side walks to car; price only $2000 on above unusually easy terms; a splendid in vestment or a good home buy, rents well to good tenants: possession can be arranged if desired or rental continued. s250 cash, balance S20 per month, for a nice Groom cottage on elevated lot, convenient to school, churches and car llnes pretty lawn; fine garden and fruit; electric lights, gas, sanitary con- nectons, bath etc.; place has been rent ed to first-class tenants at S25 per month Better see this. It Is good one. Price only 5000.
 RENTS-WE HAVE A NICE LIST OF DESIRABLE RESIDENCES FOR RENT AT BARGAIN RATES ON Ac- COUNT OF APRIL II HAVING PASSED. CALL AND SEE OUR RENT LIST. TT WILL PAY YOU. CITY AND SUBURBAN.
 If you have real estate for sale or rent list 1t with us on our merits if results are desired.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-05-30
FOR SALE

s265O0O. Corner lot, 111x14O, three 4-room cot tages, near Avenue F.
 $330000 Lot 5Ox14O, well improved, rents for $40 per month, near 24th street. south.
 $425O.00. Lot 50x190, five Broom houses. well located, rents for $50 per month; in fine repair.
 $4ooo.Oo. Vacant lot 10sx1S0. alley corner near Highland avenue.
 $11,500.00. 1S-room residence. modern, east of goth street, 1s block Highland avenue. Terms 5000 cash balance 1. 3, B.. 4 and years per cent.
 $5250.OO. Lot 1O0x190 six 4-room houses, room for four more; rents now $54 per month.
 s725o.oo. Lot 5Ox20O 7-room residence, modern in every respect. fronts east, near Arlington avenue.
 $850O.00. Lot 15Ox140 Avenue c; well improved, rents well. See office for further in- formation.
 s6250.0O. Corner lot 55x193, Hickory street T. room residence fine repair. Several nice homes on both North and South Highlands also few pieces business property, not listed; call at office for particulars. w. N. MALONE 6 GO. Real Estate, Rentals and Insurance. 219 N. 21st St. Phones l239.