The news=record. [volume] (Enterprise, Wallowa County, Oregon) 1907-1910, 1909-01-13

Tambo-Say, Mistah Bones, what am
de three most uncertainest things In
de world?
Bones - All dunno, Mistah Tambo.
What am de three most uncertainest
things in de world?
Bones-A woman an two other wo-
men.-Chicago News.
Il doubt We are growing remiss,
]ohn,' said Scotch parish minister.
Il have not seen you in the kirk these
three Sabbaths."
John was not duly abashed "Na,"
said he. ITS no that I'm growing
remiss. I'm just tinkerin' ava WI ma
soul masel."-London News.
What are you going out before the
curtain again for?' demanded the
stage manager, clutching the arm of
the new vaudeville artist. who had
just made dismal failure.
Somebody's clapped," blurted the
actor. land want to find out who it
was"
~ told her that I admired her for
her noble qualities of heart and mind,
for her intellect and a lot more off
the same reel"
Make a hit?"
Il dunno. I think the best plan is
to tell 'em they're pretty Washing
ton Herald
Hlrum-Was yer house damaged by
that there cyclone?
1ke-Dunno. l hain't found it yit.-
Cleveland Leader.
Howell i If l hadn't drawn that
queen | might have had a straight
flush. Powell-That's right; always
blame the woman!-Chicago News.
"They say that Cholly has lost his
mind"
is that so? Does he know it?'-
Boston Courier.
Madge-What is the object of hazina
in college? Marjorie-I guess it's to
teach the boys brutality for use in the
football games.-Puck.
Does your husband forget to mail
the letters you give him?"
"Never. l put them In his cigar
case. Leader.
81 came in to see If can get some
fire insurance"
"On your homer
mo, on my job."-Houston Post.
He (at the opera)-Just going out for
a little fresh air, my dear. Shea
slight draft, you mean, 1 suppose
London Punch.
Jennie-She puts lots Of feeling in
her singing, doesn't she?
James-Yes, but 1t must be awful
to feel that way.-Tatler.
The largest hanging bell in the world
Is near Canton, China. 1t is eighteen
feet high and forty-five feet In cir
cumference at the bottom.
Shakespeare, among his many allu-
sions to the sweetness, the innocence
and the helplessness of the lamb, only
once cites 1t as an article of food.
IL any hieupel VI the luullly Is very
sick at the stomach beat up the white
of an egg and let him swallow it. 1t
acts like charm.
A solution of an ounce of saltpeter
In ten Of sulphuric acid will remove
the silver from plated goods without
affecting the other metal.
Wife-My father always used to say
1t was a pity | wasn't born boy.
Husband-I think so too. - London
Mail.
Atmospheric electricity Is believed to
encourage plant life In the arctic re-
gions, where there is but little sun
light.
In Spain boys under sixteen are not
allowed TO lift or carry more than six
teen pounds or push or draw heavy
loads.
Bathing machines. used almost ex-
clusively on the English coast, were
invented In 1850, but were not used
extensively until 1903.
Mother-Tottie. you must be gener-
Gus with your candy. Pass 1t around.
Tottie Ito guesD-Take all you want
Take two.-Life.
Man-Do you believe that story
about her? Woman-Td believe any
thing about her unless she told 1t to
me herself.-London Pfck-Me-Up.
that have large cavity which needs
filling. Madge-What course Of study
did he suggest for this purpose?