davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-04-22
13be Jeffersomsa,.
PAGE FOURTEEN cbe
Our Postcard Club
Rv T11ddv lin
BY Daddy Jim.

Ihere was slelght of hand exhibition,
and on one of the back benches Aunt
Mlrandy sat with dilated eyes, taking
IN the wonderful tricks Of the per-
former. All went well until the item
IN the program was reached, in which
the feat of reading a newspaper
through blanket was pulled off.
With sigh of disgust, Aunt Mirandy
adjusted her apparel more tightly
around her anatomy. Again the blan-
ket was doubled and the newspaper
was read in the same confident manner
and with as much ease. Aunt Mi
randy solemnly arose, alarmed and
disguised, muttering: Dis amt no
place for Spectacle lady what's
got on nothin but er thin caliker
dress! Use gwine home!' Respect
fully submitted by ]. T. Hudson, Jr,
Amity, Ga"
A Little Girl S Story.
My papa takes the Jeffersonian,
and thinks that it is a grand paper,
and he thinks that Mr.. Watson is a
grand man. Papa has named two Of nv
hitler brothers after Mr.. Watson. All
right, here goes the joke: "A white
minister was conducting religious
services in North Carolina recently.
After exhorting a bit, he asked an
old colored deacon to lead in prayer,
and this is the appeal which the
brother in black offered for his bro
Their in white. 80 Lord, glib him de
eye o bde eagle, dat he spy out sin
afar off. Glue his hands to de gospel
pillow. Tie his tongue to the line oh
truth. Nail his ear to de gospel pole.
Bow his head way down between his
knees, and set his knees way down in
some lonesome, dark and narrer valley,
whar prayer is much wanted to be
made. MONT him wild de kerosene
lie of salvashun, and sot him on
fire. - Your little friend, Lou Oma
Cox (13 years old), Cooper Ala"
Tootle Has Rival.
"In reply to Airing Tootle, of
Glennville, Ga, just across the river,
IN Tattnall County, I wish to write
the following story from Texas. The
fish bite so hard down here that you
have to hide behind a tree to bait your
hook. I think I caught the largest
fish down there ever saw I'm try
ing to think Of the name. I know it
wasn't catfish not sturgeon. No,
it wasn't whale, for that is what I
used for bait. I am boy three years
older than Airing, and [ read your
paper every week. Your little friend,
E. S. Murphy, Currency, Ga"
He Met the Gourd.
"One day an Irishman asked a
woman for a drink Of water. The
woman told the Irishman to go down
to the spring. He went about half
way, and met small terrapin or
tortoise coming up the path. The
Irishman looked at it, turned around
and went back to ask the woman
again for drink of water. She was
surprised and said: Why, thought
you went to the spring and got some
GEo;tb h. 1oLo-uo COL
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-04-22

. Tor the pest ana the worst jokes ana
funny stories have brought forth a
food of replies. Some of the tales
came out of the ark, two by two, and
some are so fresh that they need
little salt on them. The prizes will
be awarded in the next issue of our
paper. Some Of you no doubt think
that we're mighty slow, and that you
ought to hear from your letters right
away. The trouble is that this page,
which you are reading now, was writ
ten and given to the printers on Fri
day, April 16, one day after the last
issue of the paper came out, and so
we are always one week behind. 1t
takes time to get up all the copy"
for the paper, put it in shape, have
it set up and printed, folded and
wrapped and mailed. We are picking
out some general letters and few
Jokes this week, and next week we will
laugh.
A Chip of the Old Block.
g. Hon. Thos. E. Watson,
"Dear Friend: [ have wanted to
write to you for long time, and as
Papa is sending you money to renew
his subscription to the Jefersonian
today, will write a few lines myself.
We take your paper, and every one
likes it. [ love your paper and your
writing especially, for when [ read
something that you write [ know it is
true, and Papa believes everything
you say is true. I believe you are
the right man, and I sure hope you
will be President some time. We
missed your paper one week, and it
seemed like one of the family was
gone. Excuse sorry writing, as I
haven't been to school day since
mother died. [ am like you, [ think
we had better send the ones near us
to school. Yours for success, frankie
Broxton, Herndon, Ca"
His Second Shot.
"Dear Daddy Jim: I will come
again, as this is my second attempt.
l will try to win the prize. | am not
going to school, but [ would be going,
if school wasn't out. Boys and girls,
try to get an education. 1t is one Of
the best things in the world Papa
takes the Jeffersonian, and | like it
fine. I am ten years Of age. I am,
your little friend, Freddie Wells,
Vinemont, Ala"
Another Little Volunteer.
~ am little boy eight years Of
age. [ go to school five days in the
week. I am in the second grade. My
teachers name is Miss Hanks. [ like
her very much. My mother takes the
Jefersonian. l enjoy reading the lit
tie children's letters. Odell Jones,
Pelham, Ga"
Papers and Chickens.
II am twelve years old, and am in
the seventh grade at school. If you
will send me about half a dozen Of
your weekly papers, will do my best
in selling them. Papa is going to
raise chickens. We have about two
hundred little ones I have four hens
and a rooster. Mama SET one of mine
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1909-04-22

labor
operating the best advantage you do
have reliable
shelters and wood valuable
machines them complete itself Each
requires it.
powerful
dependable |. H c. gasoline engines the farm
machine like
1t machine of duties 1t enables to operate all
other machines advantage
through year used almost day
in the
wood and
other jobs, all of which cannot do proftaby by hand
power kind An H c. engine
turning lifting well adapted
will fashioned
Mills horse power etc.
III C. Many times
Estimate $1OO to
because have and will how rapidly H. C.
for ITSELF
Besides engines handun
ming the shredder threshing machine,
strong the
working
This
symmetrical ltlooks
santal and substantial without being clumsy
The I. H. c. Line
portable stationary as To- 2hosepower
sSpraynS andS wineou SIN
international Harver Company of America Chicago. u s. A.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
SECULAR SHOTS AT THE PULPIT

Chicago Inter Ocean: That Kansas
preacher who resigned to become a street
car conductor so that he could earn an
honest living and not be criticized by any
body may be all right on the first PROPOSE
ton, but he has erred gravely on the
second.
Washington Herald: A New Jersey min
lister declined a call at $500 per year, but
agreed TO accept IT II the salary were fixed
at 500, This will suggest to many Of his
brethren the truth OF the injunction that
we are "fearfully and wonderfully made"
some of us, at least.
st. Louis Republic: The Iowa church
which has taken a contract TO make signal
flags for a railroad may seem to be going
a little far into temporal affairs. but 1t will
at least get money enough to pay the
preachers salary. and without this the
spiritual needs Of the congregation could
not be supplied,
Charleston News and Courier. Thomas
Starr King said a very good thing about
the Universalists and the Untarians, which
appears to be worth while repeating Just
now, in view of Mr.. Taft's recent hob
n~obbing with all sorts Of religious people.
Mr.. King said that the difference between
the Universalists and Unitarians appeared
TO be that the U~niversalists think God Is
too good to damn them, and the Unitar-
ians think that they are too good TO be
by God.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
The Future Of Alaska.

Representatives of Alaskan interests
who had been dreaming OF early state
hood for their productive, and no
longer inaccessible country, must have
been disappointed by President Taft's
plain announcement to the assembled
enthusiasts at Seattle that he is OPP
posed for the present. to taking the
first step towards statehood by the
granting of an autonomous form of
territorial government. Mrs Taft gives
to those who have no personal or di-
rect concern, and promises, moreover,
to visit Alaska at the next opportunity
and study its possibilities at close
range. Until then, however, he is sat
isfed that the country, because Of it's
sparse and widely scattered population
cut off from communication and inter
course with one another, is not ready
for a greater degree or self-govern-
ment han it now possesses. He would
first have the United States foster the
building Of railroads throughout
the Alaska land and the development
of its natural through the
agency of a presidential commission
cooperating with the governor and
other existing officials.
The future of Alaska must be
worked out to conform with the needs
of a population dependent IN its pecu-
liar geographical and climatic condi-
lions. After New Mexico and Arizona
shall have been admitted to statehood
will be the only possession that
can count on eventual transmission
first a self-governing territory and
then ultimately co-equal statehood.
will be settled up and peopled
by emigrants from our own states and
Its native population will constitute no
barrier. In these respects 1t
is strikingly different from our other
possessions, Porto Rico, Hawaii and
the Philippines, where the natives
make up the bulk Of the inhabitants
and the Americans are regarded as
newcomers, If not as intruders. 1t is safe
to say, however, that while Alaska
may look to ultimate statehood 1t can
not expect to achieve the goal for
years, and possibly decades, to come.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10

think he's all fun" but behind the
perennial boyhood Of the Mark Twain
spirit is n Of the most rugged eXpe-
riences. grim with personal tragedies
such as try the soul, and It IA forth
from the memories OF that experience
that Mr.. Clemens evolved the philoso-
ply that nothing in human life is more
tragic than a happy marriage. The
tying Of the nuptial knot is an Incl
dent of the day; within that knot are
bound two lives, interests individual,
with all their issue, and to the welded
pair the curtain is but Just arisen on
a drama which only those can appre-
ciate who have lived through its va
rious stages as has Mr.. Clemens, now
living the epilogue Of life's ftful play.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10

Bought for a song" is a careless
old saying that loses it's fippsncy when
one considers the case Of the poet who.
lacking other means, bartered a poem
for a grave. Assurance Of ones burial
place is among the tragic worries Of
life; there are even cooperative ar
rangements in these modern days to
guarantee that, no matter what else
one may lack, he is sure OF his Anal
mound Of earth. Even the most care
less Of men have a sentimental concern
for the disposition of that body which
they have pampered when they had
the means, and the poets trading his
song for a grave is typical Of man
kinds disposition to be thrifty for this
one need, II for naught else in life.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
M BOILED DOWN.


Only a dead faith can be separated from
living morals.
People who give sunshine never have to
beg sympathy.
Life would leave us all fools but for the
lessons of affliction.
Pessimism is usually another name for
habitual introspection.
No man Is fit for another world vino is
not efficient in this one.
A man never improves his character by
posing for a reputation.
There is a world OF difference between
self-reverence and collaboration.
The sting OF a sorrow lasts as long as
we refuse to be sweetened by II.
He who says he is ready TO die for truth
often means he is ready to kill.
Many think that religion is a matter
Of notions or emotions instead OF motives
and motions.
You cannot carry the cup OF comfort to
another without being blessed by its fra
GRANGE yourself.
Simply to be just, considerable and helpful
is better than to master all the metaphysics
Of this and all other worlds.-Chicago Tri-
bune.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
safeguarding Public Health.

1t is gratifying to know that a quiet
but powerful u~ndercurrent OF activity
is being maintained by the Committee
of One Hundred on National Health.
This movement has no stauncher ad-
herent than President Taft, with whose
assent the following brief but pointed
health plank was adopted as a part of
the platform at the last republican ma
tional convention:
We the efforts designed to
secure greater efficiency in national pub
lie health agencies, and favor such legis-
lation as will effect this purpose.
This plank was the subject OF de-
tailed discussion by the president and
those advising efficient national health
bureaus at a conference Just before he
started on his western trip and the
president assured his visitors that he
was so much in earnest in the matter
that he intended to incorporate his
views on the subject In a special mes
sage to congress at the next session,
when efforts will be made to enac into
law some measure to give unity and
efficiency to the various parts Of our
governmental machinery already In
contact at some point with public
health matters.
Health is a matter Of such public
concern that there can be no political
division on any we'll directed effort to
improve the conditions Of living or TO
control disease and safeguard the COM
muuity, commonwealth or nation. So
many new problems confront the med
ical world today that 1t will welcome
any extension Of national aid in pre-
venting or combating the Ills that
flesh inherits.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
PERSONAL AND OTHERWISE.

There is no frost on the pumpkin, no
flies on pumpkin pies.
Halley's comet is skipping along at the
rate Of 4,O0O,OOO miles a aay-whlch is going
some.
Calgary, the Manitoban town which rivals
Medicine Hat as a weather-maker. boasts
a population OF $1,000. most OF them hot and
lively people.
faded New Workers are up against a
harder task han downing Tammany. They
propose to regulate the pitch and tone Of
the music Of auto horns,
The witching pictorial maid with arch
Ing brow and bearing the sign, Shut the
Door, Is about TO begin a six months en-
gagement at the old stand.
The fund for a monument 20 the late
Governor Johnson OF Minnesota now
amounts to $500. Contributions are limited
TO 81 and the total 10 $1,000.
Mark Twain's daughter has annexed the
man and the name ossip GabrIlowitsch. II
Huekleberry Finn can be reconciled to the
name others haven't a murmur coming.
A statue IMPLYING Purity is TO be set up
on a building in the Tenderloln district OF
New York City. 1t will be eighty feet
above Greund \ beyond the average
reach
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
Threat : a Holy War.

Thus far the operations of the Span
ish forces against the Riffs in Morocco
have been in the nature of a punitive
expedition, but so stubborn has been
the resistance that Alfonso has been
compelled to send achievements, until
now General Marina, In charge Of the
campaign, has at least $4,000 men al
ready in the field, with $4,000 more on
the way. Madrid celebrated too 500 a
victory which it interpreted as the end
of the strife, for the indications, 30 far
as the censored dispatches are permit
ted to show, point to the speedy posi-
bilities of a "holy war;" with all the
Moors united "in the name Of the
prophet" against the Spaniards.
Such a holy war; would be likely
to involve at once other nations Of Eu-
rope, whose acute rivalries cannot but
be inflamed by encroachment upon
their jealousy guarded interests in the
zone of such a wars activities. France,
under the Algeciras agreement, has
been keeping peace in Algeria by a
show of force with 10, 900 men, all Of
whom would be summoned to action If
the threat of a holy war" were full
filled, inasmuch as such a war would
instantly inflame the Algerians with
its fervor. Germany is suspicious that
Great Britain may have authorized its
North African satellite, Spain, to carry
the punitive campaign beyond its or
iginal borders until 1t shall constitute
an invasion from which Great Britain
may obtain an enlarged sphere of in
..fluence, and Germany would welcome
the opportunity to prove its suspicion,
In the meantime, the Spanish opera
lions against the Moors continue an
popular in Spain, where all the ele-
ments Of unrest are so active that AL
fonso is in a state of perplexity how to
control the local situation when his
home garrisons are being drained for
North Africa. Altogether the affairs of
nations are so thoroughly involved in
the Moroccan situation that European
embodiment cannot but follow the ex-
eeution of the threat of a holy var"
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
DOMESTIC

She !atter a long silence-Did hear any
He dimidly)-why, no.
She with a yawn)-Oh, excuse me, ]
thought you dropped a remark. baltimore
American.
Women have gained fame despite the
meni" shouted the sharp-featured suf-
Yes, for untold ages" replied the mere
meek m~an.-Judge.
Her-Yes, he used to take me to the the
Him-What did you do to him to make
Heron, / went and married him!-cleve-
land Leader.
talk about trial marriages Is Just horrid? 20
why, you don't believe in them your
Amt q trial. you Just show me."-Phiadel-
Tramp-say, mister, I v had a bite
all day.
Detected angler-same here. Where did
you fish?-Boston Transcript.
mo. I don't know him. Who is he7'
He's a lesdinb member OF our bar ASSOC
citation"
Bar association? Legal-or convivlal?"--
Chicago Tribune.
Brother Goodsole," asked the Rev. X.
Mowatt Laightly, did you announce last
this morning7"
Indeed. I did, Brother Laightly."
Yet look at the smallness OF the con-
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
Pageantry and Pageants.

While Omaha Is still in the atmos.
phere of Ak-sar-Ben pageants a few
sidelights on the pageantry features
Of the recent Hudson-Fulton celebra.
ton in New York City will not be IN.
interesting. For the most independent
observations and criticisms Of that
great centennial eommemoration we
have to look to the New York indie
pendent, which, in this case, is true
to It's name.
The historical parade designed etc
give an impetus to historical research
and to present historic scenes so they
will impress themselves more clearly
on the minds Of the spectators than
could be done by books and pictures, -
and on which the city spent S2B0,0O0
and employed 300 men for months in
preparation Of the floats, it pro-
nounces "a fake. ut was about as in
structive and consistent as a comic
opera, nearly as funny, but not half
so pretty" and instead Of some fairly
correct representations of historic
scenes these were for the most part
grotesque pyramids Of papier mache,
coarsely painted and adorned with ILL
disguised men and women, chatting.
flirting and chewing gum" Pointing
out the defects in detail, We are in
formed, mo attention was paid to
chronological order, but titles without
floats, floats without titles and floats
with the wrong titles were all jumbled
up together" and this chaotic condi-
ton was not remedied when the
parade was twice repeated, on Staten
Island and in Brooklyn.
THE carnival parade in the wen
ing was less Objectionable" we are
assured, partly because nobody ex-
poets accuracy or consistency in myth
and legend, partly because the failure
of the plans for lighting the floats
in part concealed their absurdities."
The chief lesson OF the weeks fes-
t~ivities. according to the Independent,
is the demonstration Of the superiority
Of water ~pageantry over land and Of
military over civilian. 1t has only
praise for the naval parade as far
the best managed, prompt, imposing
and extensive"
The novelty which scored best In
New York was found to be the f~ireless
fireworks produced by turning a
battery Of strong searchlights
on a row of pillars Of steam and on
the clouds made by smoke bombs
bursting in air" The vast ~possibili-
ties of this new spectacular art are
said to be undeterminable.
We venture the opinion that the
shortcomings of the Hudson-Fulton
pageant were due chiefly to the fact
New York is not accustomed to
an annual street show and lacks the
experience in this connection which
like Omaha, New Orleans, st.
Louis and Kansas City have acquired.
And still, New York's efforts may at
ford us some hints for improvement
In our own future pageants.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10

The advantage Of rising from the
ranks is exempli1ed in the case Of the
head of a leather company absorbed
by the trust. Being told to quit his
$4,000 job, he produced a contract,
w%hereupon the trust ordered him to
60 to work as a laborer in the shops.
Whereupon he promptly proved him
self competent to resume at the foot
of the ladder where he began, and is
still drawing his $4,000. All Of which
goes to show that it sometimes pays
to be able to be useful as we'll as orna-
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
Tragedy Of Happy Marriage.

U~tterance has at last been given to
philosophy in explanation Of hat en-
barrassing manifestation which has
put a damper on bridal parties from
time immemorial, the sudden out
burst of some member of the fam
lily into bitter weeping. The philoso-
ply comes in all seriousness from
Mark Twain. whose views one always
suspects as coating a tidbit Of fun, but
in this case Mark is as sentimentally
solemn as he vas when he made his
pathetic little comment on reaching
the g of three score and ten.
In his private capacity as Mr..
Clemens. Mark Twain had just given
the hand of his daughter in marriage,
when he was asked point blank by an
intimate friend, The marriage truly
pleases your"
Yes" was his answer, fully as
much as n marriage could please
me, or perhaps any other father.
There are two or three tragically SOL
emn things In this life, and a happy
marriage is one OF them, for the ter
rors OF life are all to come. A funeral
is a solemn Office, but l go to one with
a spiritual uplift, thankful that the
dead friend has been set free. That
which follows is to me tragic and
awful, the burial. But marriage
am glad of this marriage, and Mrs.
Clemens would be glad. Yet all the
same it is a tragedy, since it is a happy
marriage, with it's future before 1t,
loaded to the brim with uncertain
ties"
No fun-msking in this. The vet
eran humorist had his own happy mar
riage in mind, his wi dead wife, with
whom Mr.. Clemens was associated in
the gentlest and tenderest ana most
devoted intimacy through long periods
of Vicissitudes, bufetings. discourage
ments. Together they faced the flu
ture, their vision blinded by the
golden ray OF the Joyous present;
they had yet to penetrate the CULTS OF
fortunes weathered and lost. the deeps
where favorite children withered and
persisted.
You hear that boy laughing. you
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10
A

John Kendrick Bangs in Ainslee's.
Come, Worry, let us walk abroad today: :
Let's take a little run along the way
l know a sunny patch that leads from
Fear
UP TO the lovely fields OF wholesome
Cheer.
race you there-I'm feeling ut and
strong,
So. Worry, come alongi
We started on our way, I and my Care;
! set the pace on through the springtims
air,
But ere we'd gone a mile poor Worry
stopped,
Tried hard to catch his breath. and then
he dropped,
Whilst ] went on
easy winner OF that Marathon.
And since that day, when vexedl by any
fear,
When Worry's come again with vlsage
drear,
race,
And found each time he could not stand
the pace.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-10

ment Of the authors royalties. as the
court has Just decided.
Altogether too often the play Is a
hazard, and he who sits In a comfort
able seat enjoying a good drama or
opera little realizes that while he is
being helped to forget the worries of
life manifold perplexities and cares and
expenses r accumulating on the
shoulders Of the man who makes the
play possible, on the other side Of the
curtain.