The Washington herald., 1909-07-04
HANDBOOK FOR HUSBANDS
Uncle Henry Says Not One Wife in a thousand
Is One in Thousand

cross between a spectacular production
Of The Forty Thieves and an epitha-
lamium in FIRE gilt. ASK me An
right?
Take Il on the other hand. II gives
the already wives a nice. pretty little
chance 70 buy something they cant
AFFORD. and son. when you know more
than you do now you'H know exactly
the awful meaning or those careless
words. Yes. sir and what I knew I've
learned the hardest way. Something
they can't afford and something that
offers 'em endless opportunity for chang
ing their minds That helps some. You
betcher-
New. by gracious. I'm no hand TO
talk about myself. bat you Just take ny
wife
Last week somebody she knew got
married. or got 70 the present stage %
IL. anyhow. Ny wife had bought j cut
glass pitcher Good and heavy II was.
FOR short range Ike.
When fl came Saturday morning.
Henry. she says. I'm not Eoiq. 10
give her that pitcher she says. They're
too common, she says. Henry. she SAYS
YOU must meet me downtown this after
noon. she says and 90 with me 10 pick
out something else she says. I simply
don't know what 20 give her, she says
All right 7 goes down 10 the shopping
district and. after waiting about half an
hour IN front Of a store where the police
seemed 20 think I vas making gOO-goO
eyes AT the girls and kept moving me
away. along comes wife. and we begin
20 go in search Of something that neither
OF Us would know II it came Up and
biz Us.
Say. son. take It from me. that was
one wild afternoon First We went and
looked AZ an the silver IN all the stores IN
al the streets. BY the time I had got
through the second store 7 didn't know a
food pusher from belt buckle. Where
do you suppose Il ali comes from. eh2
Then We went and locked az cut glass
IN all the stores. After I had seen what
a little YOU could get for Ssss I SAYS
Wife I says. lets buy silver. You can
get more for your money.
on. she says. I wonder II they could
send me home that pretty little punch
bowl on account? It's sSI.5o.' she SAYS.
but then. she SAYS. I don't need 20
and. as II turned out. she didn't.
Then We went and looked at the clocks
1 found one right away that was about
as honest and respectable looking as any
clock Is in a store How bout it, 7
says Clocks are TOO common. she saws
Well I seys. what IN thunder are We
here looking az 'em forT I SAYS. Oh
she says, we must see what new she
says
We tore away after that and went
back 20 the silver. Then she took me into
a tablecloth and napkin emporium and ws
paved over the stock Then we went
back and looked al the silver
Oh, she says. right in the middle %
Il. we simply must go Up on the fourth
floor and look AZ t.s SS-=-z.iture' We
simply did i was all right, the furui-
ture place was You could sit on some OF
Il and rest when she wasn't looking.
About that tine. I think il was. We
went across the street and took I'D the
subject OF silver again. We ordered q
gravy ladle there II vas my idea Reg
uler kind OF a ladle sort o. thing. with
darIy down diilies. OF pansies. OF golden
rod OF something on the handle, and the
bowl solid gOld-plated
Looked all right 10 me, only s. 4 OF
some other similar fractional insult.
wanted 20 have Il marked with the
girls initial. but ny VIE said not. They
might want 20 exchange Il. she said. AID
then she laughed What the blszss DO
women laugh az when they Just look al
you anG laUgh-ike?
We'll, sir. 7 figured It out that II they
tried 20 exchange that Iadle IL would
sort OF snow ne up-ouIy S.E-so I let
her take me over 20 where they had the
mildew looking desk sets. you know.
cOrrOded copper and some brass that
needs cleaning I was sort OF scheming
around 10 spend a little more and throw
a 0etter biUff
We didn't see anything I liked there.
and I was Just steaming over 20 the
silver counter again when I SAYS No
Ike that No ] says. you've got me
doing Il now. Let's get out OF here be
fore 7 get dust in my hair spring and
stop running was some peeved. I Eas.
being that I was getting sort OF SLOPPY
myself So We went home
Monday night I comes home Rose
bud I says. has the gravy IadIs come
yetZ / says No desr. she says. sweet
as peaches I 'phoned them not 70 send
H. But the cut glass punch bowl came
all right Ii IS simply perfect I've writ
ten them a note 20 come and take L
back tO-mOrrOW- Well 7 sRyG. then
what are you going 10 award the b-ide?'
saws.
oh she says. as though I vas ask
ing something that ought 10 have
known all about Ions ago. Oh she
says, I have decided 20 keep the pitcher
had in the first place think. after
all. that VIII DO very well
And say. son, all my Saturday after
noon excitement for nothing Not one
single. lonesome. solitary thing Henry
she says. I shiuk I have settled this
business OF buying a present very easily
You must admit she SAYS, I'm one wife
IN a thousand she saws.
I did Il was diplomatic But YOU
hear me, not one wife IN a thousand Is
one wife IN a thousand"