davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

morning to start the kitchen fire.
This man has invented an automatic
fire kinder, which does all the work
and does it at the exact minute de-
sired. The kinder consists of q
spring fastened on a metal plate,
which rests on the ash box of the
stove. The spring is held in place
by a trigger, and at one end is re-
ceptacle to hold matches, head down
ward. On the front of the plate
stands an alarm clock, set for what
aver time the fire is to be made.
When the alarm goes off and the
spring rushes back into the partly
open ash box, in which pile Of in
ffammable material, paper or excel
sior, has been left. The matches are
ignited in passing over a roughened
part of the plate and drop burning
into the combustible contents of the
box. The latter, OF course, is quick
ly ignited and the flames commune
cate to the coal above. Boston Post.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
CONFESSIONS OF a CLOWN.
At Last. There is on Sale Book
Brimfnl of American Humor.

Brimfnl of American Humor.
ANY bookseller will tell you that
the constant quest OF his customers
is for "a book which will make me
laugh" The bookman is compelled
to reply that the race OF American
humorists has run out and comic lit
erature is scarcer than funny plays.
A wide sale is therefore predicted for
the Memoirs OF Dan Rice the
Clown OF Our Daddies, written by
Maria Ward Brown, book guaran-
teed to make you roar with laughter.
The author presents to the public a
volume of the great TESTERS most
pungent jokes, comic harangues,
caustic hits upon men and manners,
lectures, anecdotes, sketches of ad-
venture, original songs and poetical
illusions; wise and witty, serious,
satirical, and sentimental sayings OF
the sawdust arena of other days.
Old Dan Rice, as proprietor OF the
famous lone Horse Show" was more
of national character than Artemus
Ward. and this volume contains the
humor which made the nation laugh
even while the great Civil War ragged
This fascinating book of 500 pages,
beautifully illustrated, will be sent
you postpaid for $3.50 by Book Pub
fishing House. 1874 Leonard street.
New York.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

all right, she said IF it don't, wen
bleed him leetle more an put cou
| pie o. blisters on the soles OF his feet
There! See that man ridin by on a
white boss? That's a sure sign he'll
git wen. never knoWed it to fail
A stranger ridin' by house on a
white boss is sure sign that the sick
man will git well If it was a black
boss, it'd mean that nothin could
save the sick person.
The sick mans sufferings seemed
to increase, whereupon Ma'am Pike
ordered his feet soaked in water as
nigh b'Min' hot" as he could stand it.
While this was being done she took
tin box from her satchel. This box
contained a blue salve. Spreading
this salve thickly on a. strip of cloth
Ma'am Pike wrapped it around the
patients neck, saying as she did so:
"That'll be good fer him, no mat
ter where the pain isS WI guess he bet
ter take this internal Mt won't do
him no harm, anyhow. z
She brought forth brown pill al
most as large as a marble 1t nearly
schoked the patient, and he called
eagerly for water to take away the
awful taste"
During the next hour Ma,am Pike
administered three more different
kinds of medicine and tried another
charm" The sick man was now too
much exhausted to do more than ut
ter feeble groans, and his doctor went
away saying that she would return in
the morning and tgo at him agin'' if
he we're not better.
When she had gone my uncle pre-
vailed upon the sick mans wife to al
low new doctor who had recently
moved to town four miles distant
to be sent for. He was a very intelli-
gent young man, who declared that
the man was suffering from nothing
but sudden attack of collie, which
had been much aggravated by the
medicines Ma'am Pike had given him.
Ma'am Pike never forgave my un-
Gle for what she called his "meddle-
someness,' and she threatened to.
work a charm" that would blast his
crops and bring all sorts of disasters
on his family. Her efforts were as
unsuccessful as her treatment of her
patients had been, and it was good
thing for the sick of the neighbor-
hood when she concluded to depart to
some locality in which, as she ex-
pressed it, folks want willin to
reesk their lives in the hands of lot
o. young snipes o. town doctors that
don't know beans when they got their
heads in the bag. Youths Compan-
ion.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
st. Pierre sim DesoIate.

There is absolutely no truth in
the report printed recently in a num-
her of American newspapers that st.
Pierre, Martinique, is being rebuilt, I"
said Chester w. Martin, OF the Ameri-
can consular service, stationed at
Bridgetown, Barbados, to the Wash
ington Herald
II visited st. Pierre not long ago, 2
said Mr.. Martin. "and the only houses
that, l. saw there were two houses
which were put up by the French
Government and are used by the gem
dames. The French Government has
cleared up and excavated the scene of
desolation and laid bare the streets,
but there is no intention of rebuilding
so far as / am aware
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
How He Kept His Bed.

The Rev. Daniel Isaacs once alight-
ed at an inn to stay the night. On
asking for a bed he was told he could
not have one, as there was to be a bali
that evening and all the beds were
engaged.
At what time does the ban break
up?" asked Mr. Isaacs.
About in the morning, SIR
We'll, then, can have bed until
that timer"
Yes, certainly; but if the bed is
asked for you will have to remove"
Very WE'LL, replied Mr.. Isaacs,
and away he went to get between the
sheets.
About 3 O'Clock in the morning he
was awakened by loud knocking at
his chamber door.
What do you want?" he asked.
How many are there of you in
there?" inquired voice.
There's me, and Daniel and Mr..
Isaacs and an old Methodist preach
er, was the reply.
Then, there's plenty of you" And
the speaker passed on, leaving Mr..
Isaacs to enjoy his bed Cleveland
Leader.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
Dir. DooIey on the Power of Printers
Ink.

Printers inkl A dhrop iv it on
wan little wurrud in type" says Mr.
Dooley, will blacken tn fairest name
in Christendom, or make star to
shine on tn lowest brow 1t will find
its way into millyons iv homes an
hearts an memories; it will go thru
stone walls, an will carry some mes
sage that may turn tn current iv ivry
life it meets-fr'm tn Emperor iv
Chiny to tn baby in tn cradle in
Hannigan's fat" he says.
1T may undo thous prayers or
start millyon. 1t can't be escaped.
1t could dhrag me out iv me parish
house to-morrah, an make me as well
known II Pekin as | am in Halstead
shtreet-an' not as fav'rably. To-day
tn Pope may GRE me no moro
thought thin he gives Kelly, thu rowl
ing-mill man To-morrah he may be
readin' about how great or bad am
in tn Popylo Romano. It's got death
beat a mile in lev'lin' ranks
Eyes, SIR says he; eth hand that
rocks tn fountain pen is tn hand that
rules tn wurruld. TIL press is FIR tn
universe what Mulligan wug FIR HE
beat He wuz the best poleeshman
an the worst liver knew. He was a
terror to evildoers .whin he wuz sober
an terror to iv'rybody whin he wu2
dhrunk.
Martin, / dhrink to tn la-ads ali
over tn wurruld who use tn printers
inkll May they not put too much iV
tn r-red stuff in it, an may it nivei
go to their heads"
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
BABY'S wATERY ECZEMA.
Mched and Scratched Until Blood Ran
$50 Spent on Useless Treatments
Disease Seemed IncurabIe-
Css1red hxy Cxztirura for CT En

Cured by Cuticura for $3.50.
When my little boy was two and half
months old he broke out on both cheeks
with eczema. 1t was the itchy, watery
kind and we had to keep his little hands
wrapped up all the time, and if he would
happen to get them uncovered he would
claw his face till the blood streamed down
on his clothing. We called in physician
at once, but he gave an ointment which
was so severe that my babe would scream
when it was put on. We changed doctors
and medicines until we had spent fifty dol
lars or more and baby was getting worse.
was so worn out watching and caring for
him night and day that l almost felt sure
the disease was incurable. But finally
reading of the good results of the Cuticura
Remedies, determined to try them. can
truthfully say was more than surprised,
for / bought only dollar and halls
worth of the Cuticura Remedies (Cuticura
Soap, Ointment and Pills., and they did
more good than all my doctors medicines
had tried, and in fact entirely cured him.
His face is perfectly clear of the least spot
or scar of anything. Mrs. W. M. Comerer,
Burnt Cabins, Pa, Sept. IS, 1908"
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp, Sole Props.
Of Cuticura Remedies, Boston, Mass.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
Inthe Arctic Ocean
With Gen. GreeIOy's Exploring
Party.

John Zeun, OF Company A, National So
diers' Home, Va, who served many years
in he U. S. Navy and nearly lost his life
with General Greeley in the Arctic regions,
found himself in his advancing years suf-
tering from Rheumatism and Kidney dis
ease, which continued to grow worse He
says: 81 was advised to use DR. David
Kennedy's Fayorite Remedy, which gave
me teliSf from the. first dose. / cannot
speak too highly Or recommend it too
strongly to others suffering from this ter
Tible Complaint"
Rheumatism is another name for uric acid
poisoning, which is caused primarily by
diseased Kidneys. Cure your Kidneys and
rheumatism disappears. For all diseases
OF the Kidneys, Liver and Blood, for Rheu-
matism dyspepsia and chronic constipa-
ton, as well as ills peculiar to women, Or.
David Kennedy's favorite Remedy is I'M
surpassed. Sold by 10000 Druggists.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
THE CULTuRE-C RAzED.

We are mad for cultivation
!. And refining information.
And were drinking pretty deeply at the
pure Pierian streams,
Whether eagerly or dourly,
were absorbing culture hourly,
And we're getting quite conversant with a
quantity OF themes.
CHORUS
Oh, we're brealdasting on Hegel and we
dine on Socrates,
We serve Professor James and Kant at all
our formal teas,
And we spend half an hour
CHANGING over Schopenhauer,
Noting Nietzsche's ''Will to Power.
Or his subtler theories
Criticizing Aristotle,
Mrs Wharton, Emory Pottle,
LIS our favorIte avocation, and we're able to
indite
Themes on Arnold versus Pater,
Demonstrating which is greater,
VI to write a dissertation on the fossil
trllobite.
CHORUS.
Oh, it's eulogize Beethoven, show the in
wardness of Liszt.
Take little whack at Wagner. and show
where Verdi missed.
Do not ask why that sonata
Sounds like Lewis CAROLS halter,
AFTER all, it doesn't matter)
What's the next thing on the list?
When it comes to Botticelli
We are very sure to tell "he
was affected quite profoundly by the early
Renaissance"
And we like d. G. Rossetti,
For we never can forget be
Has produced his soulful standings with the
most minute nuance.
CHORUS.
Oh, it's pass along the Hauptmann and it's
rush that Maeterhnck,
Condemn Pinero, Shaw and Wilde-don't
try to stop and think.
AT the sea of cultivation
And Of MISREPRESENTATION
There's no time for rumination
Nor for trembling at the brink.
Irene Louise Hunter, in Saturday Even
ing Post
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
MUNYON'S EMINENT DOCTORS AT
YOUR SERVICE FREE.
Not Penny to Pay For the Fullest
Medical Examination,

If you are in doubt as to the cause
of your disease mail us a postal re-
questing amedical examination blank,
which you will fill out and return to
u.s. Our doctors will carefully dag
nose your case. and il you can be
cured you will be told so: If you can
not be cured you will be told so. You
are not obligated to us in any way;
this advice is absolutely free; you are
at liberty to take our advice or not as
you see fit. Send to-day for a medi-
cal examination blank, fill out and
return to us as promptly as possible,
and our eminent doctors will diagnose
your case thoroughly absolutely free
Munyon's, SD and Jefferson SITS,
Philadelphia, Pa.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

There once lived woman who
aever gave her husband chance to
say Yord The moment he opened
ais mouth she closed it with torrnet
Of words. 1t happened that ne feil
III when his wife was out of fowl. and
before she could get home death came
and tocK him away
u would feel better about IT, she
Is sill saying between her sobs, IF /
could have been with John when he
died. There must have been some
asst words he wanted to say to me.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
Railroad a,ronunciation.

A conductor and brakeman on a
Montana railroad differ as to che
proper pronunciation of the name
Eurella. Passengers are often startled
upon arrival at this station to hear
the conductor yell: you're a liar!
You're liar!" And then from the
brakeman at the other end of the
car: you really are! You really
are! San Francisco Argonaut.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

terious and uncomprehended possibil-
tiles. The beast is not merely the
servant of man; he is his friend and
ally. He occupies complementary
place in the great scheme of creation.
Such conception of animal life is a
commonplace with many of the older
religions. 1t has permeated the
philosophy Of the East to such an ex-
tent that the devout Indian will not
willingly injure fly or worm, lest
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
I,ong-service Employees.

A new building just finished fol
the ohlenroth printing office in Erfnrl
is distinguished by having tablet
attached to q wall of the main stair.
way, on which are inscribed the
names of eighteen officers and EN-.
ployes of the house who have been
in its service over twenty-five years
The oldest OF those listed has a record
OF itfty-two years employment with
the Ohlenroth Office.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

he invoke divine retribution. In an
Gent Egypt cats were considered
sacred and were worshiped. One OF
these Egyptian cats, preserved in
bronze, in the collection of the French
Ambassador at Rome, forms one of
the illustrations in the volume and Is
reproduced Philadelphia Rec
ord
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

tlammation of the
kidneys that is in
terfering with their
work and causing
that pain that makes
you say: "Oh. my
back!"
Henry Gullati, of
Greensboro, Ca,
says: Two years
ago kidney disease
fastened itself on
me. | had awful
dizzy spells, head
aches and urinary
irrapu1aritiac NV
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

The piano is improved and it's
sound increased, according to the
claim of j. Cadenbach, German in
ventor, by the plan of letting wooden
cups into the back OF the sounding
board. N.Y.--43
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

back was weak and tender. began
using Doan's Kidney Pins and found
quick relief. was soon restored to
complete good health"
Remember the name-Doan's. Sold
by all dealers. so cents box. Fos-
ter-Milburn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

DR.. Roberts suggestion in 1881 Of
sewing wounds of the heart was re-
ceived as a joke. DR.. REIN, of Ger
many, in 1897 got the first recovery
from heart wound. Altogether there
have been sixteen ,sueh operations,
with seven amazing recoveries.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
A Cat of Ancient Egypt.

An interesting volume on THE
Place of Animals in Human
Thought has just been written by
the Countess Evelyn Martinengo-
Ce5aresco, who shows as that the life
of the meanest animal is full of mys-
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

The famous ruins of Tintern Abbey,
Nonmouthshire England, are being
restored as far as the four great
arches are concerned, and more ex-
cavations are being made around it
in hope of finding other buildings.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

Ivy growing over the walls of a
house renders the structure cool in
summer and warm in winter. 1t also
keeps the walls dry. 1t is, however,
very destructive to woodwork, fore
ing the joints apart.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

A Montgomery (Ala.) Sunday
school superintendent has been re-
quested to resign because he ex-
pressed the opinion that prohibition
in his State is a farce
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

More than $500. eco worth of birds
were imported into this country dur
ing the year 1908. They were large
iy parrots and canaries.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

Thanks to the genius of a Montana
man, it is no longer necessary to get
cut Of bed early on cold winter
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces inhamma-
ton, allays pain, curcs wind collie. Csc bottle.
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

In case of pain on the lungs Hamlins
Wizard Oil acts like a mustard plaster
except that it is more effective and is so
much nicer and cleaner to use
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19

A divers suit is weighted with 100
pounds of lead
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
.----~
g. p. 1856 A
.I--1l-1.1l1u1.l1z1.zlZu
Bad BLOOD

Before began using Cascarets / had
a bad complexion, pimples on my face.
and my food was not digested as 1t should
have been. Now l am entirely we'll, and
the pimples have all disappeared from my
face. can truthfully say that Cascarets
are just as advertised; have taken only
two boxes of them. .
Clarence r. Griffin, Sheridan, Ind.
Pleasant, Palatable, Potent, Taste Good
Do Good. Never Sicken, Weaken or Gripc.
l0c, 25c, Soc. Never sold in bulk. The Renu-
inc tablet stamped C C G.. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back. s27
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
BAcKAcHB is KIDNEYAcHE.
Usually There Are Other Symptoms
to Prove II.

Pain in the back is pain in the kid
neys, in most cases, and it points to
the need of special remedy to re-
lieve and cure the congestion or in
The Morris County chronicle. [volume] (Morristown, N.J.) 1877-1915, 1909-10-19
Missed His only Chance.

Color scrc ooc BRIGHTER and faster colort than any
aan eyl any garment without ripping apart Write
Omaha daily bee., 1909-08-14
Other Creditors
Beat Noise and
Gerlng to 1t
Get In Ahead with Attachments on
E. G. Belden's Office Fixtures
to Secure Claims.

Charles Rowe, a money lender. and Shot
well d Shotwell, attorneys-at-law, have
filed attachments against the office furni-
ture Of the E. G. Belden company In the
New York Life building, which closed down
suddenly Monday.
AS matters stand they have got IN ahead
Of Walter Noise and Matthew Gering, who
have claims against Belden, because their
deals in Union Pacific were closed out by
the Beiden company without order.
Rowes claim is for money loaned on a
note and the others for legal services.
Mr.. Belden is in Omaha, but not at
home" TO the casual inquirer. Service for
the attachments was obtained at usual
place OF residence" which Ia 1915 Willis
avenue
Noise and Gering are still breathing
vengeance and Mr.. Gering has gone far
enough to draw up and sign a statement
relative TO the deal.
Beldsn has promised 10 meet Noise Sat
urday evening at 7:sO and settle UP. Mean
time Noise is watching Union Pacific
stock soar toward the zenith and thinking
u~nspeakAble things.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-08-14
NEWS OF THE ARMY POSTS
War Department is Mapping Out
West for Military Purposes.
MUCH TO BE DONE IN NEBRASKA
Names of Officers Chosen for This
WOrk-SuitAbIe Number of En-
listed Men 10 Garry Out
Operations.

The War department mas resumed its
biennial work Of remspping the middle
west fo- military purposes. Considerable
Of this progressive military map work will
be done in Nebraska, South Dakota, Iowa
and Kansas within the next few weeks.
These officers have been detailed for the
work. beginning al specified initial points;
First Lieutenant Albert s. Fuger Of the
Fourth field artillery, Lodge Pole; Second
Lieutenant Luther r James OF the Six
tenth infantry, Lincoln; Second Lieutenant
Charles 3. Amory, IT., Of the Ninth cav
airy, ChAppel; Second Lieutenant William
c. F Nicholson Of the Seventh cavalry,
sddAm Kan; Second Lieutenant Law
renee z. Hohl Of the Nineteenth infantry,
Bald Mountain. Wyo-; Second Lieutenant
A. l. P. Sands Of the Sixth field artillery,
Clay Center, Kan; Second Lieutenant
Philip Gordon Of the Second cavalry, Ar
IinEtoR IA Second Lieutenant Henry ".
Omaha daily bee., 1909-08-14
Jones Tells
How to Reach
Century Age Line
Be Good; Lazy When Warm, Smoke
Good Tobacco and Raise q
Big Family.

BE good: don't xiii ANYBODY; 20 20
church at least once q Sunday; drink lit
tie or no whisky and smoke only good
tobacco: work hard when II is cool and
be as lazy as you can when II Is warm;
don't drink ice water on hot DAYS like
this; and raise & big family o. children 20
comfort you in your old age, and you will
live to be 100 years old"
This is the philosophy Of Henry Jones, s.
years Of age, living at 25s8 Deactur street,
who with his wife celebrated their sixtieth
wedding anniversary. Mrs. Jones is =
few years younger than her husband and
both are as spry as their children. some
Of whom are fathers and mothers. They
have lived in Omaha forty-two years.
The whole philosophy Of life is in TAX
ing care Of yourself and remembering that
the other fellow has a right to live" said
Mr.. Jones. Every little while people ask
me how I managed 10 live SO Ions and to
enjoy life as well g. I DO and I tell them
that It lie because / have never killed any
body and have always sndeRvored to be
good.
I smoke because I love . good cigar or
a well seasoned pipe, but I don't smoke
this strong black tobacco. That will kill
a man in time. / don't drink Intoxicating
AAAbAb II I'LL hLl0 Aooh upon ICE wafer and
iced lemonade these hot days with as much
adherence Rs / do liquors. Cold drinks
heat a person more than even a tepid drink
win, and cold drinks and hot days don't
mix worth a snap.
Then. If you will work 10 beat all get
out when the days are cool you viii Eener-
ally be privileged to lay by and 70 slow
on these hot dRys."
Mr.. and Mrs Jones were born IN EnF-
land, living at Birmingham before coming
TO America in 1861. In Brooklyn MI. Jones
became acquainted with r. I. Crane, head
Of the heavy hardware house having a
house in Omaha. Mr.. Crane was Mt that
time q poor boy and Mr.. Jones and others
enabled him to get to Chicago, where he
started in business by making grape shot
for the government during the civil war.
Mr.. Jones soon followed Mr.. Crane TO Chi
cago and remained in his employ until
coming to Omaha in 1861.
Mr.. Jones cast his first vote while living
in Chicago, voting for Fremont for presi-
dent When he came TO Omaha this city
had a population of less than 1000. That
was before The Bee was started, but
when the paper was born he immediately
subscribed and has taken it constantly
since and he exhibits with pride the first
copy Of the paper.
Eleven children were born 10 Mr.. and
Mrs. Jones, OF whom ten are living. as
follows: Mrs. A. M. Lipsey, Los Angeles;
Mrs. Eliza BRrnAcle, Downes Grove. Ill.
George H. Jones, Mrs. Salina Mathis and
Miss Carrie Jones, Omaha; Mrs. ]. H.
Mockett, jr., Lincoln; Mrs. F.. H. Smith.
Helena; Mrs. E. f. Mockett, Lincoln, and
Charles F. Jones, Los Angeles.