The sun., 1909-01-03
SOME SHOPPERS HE has MET
ONE FLOOR WALKER WHO GETS
FUN OUT OF HIS TROUBLES.
4 Husband with nibbOn 20 Match
Transformation OF n Nice Motherly
Old Lady-A Need for Husbands
whose Wives Take Them Shopping.

whose wives Take Them shoppins
There IL a foorwalker-ushers they'r,
called now-in this town patrolling tn,
main deck OF a department store who get
some fun out of the hoorwalking game
Maybe the answer Is that this fioorwalkel
took a college degree. fooled around IL
the Klondike, herded sheep in Idaho
worked as harvest hand in Kansas
held Gewn a motorman's Job in Chicago
and all like that. A fellow must have
quite q saving sense Of humor to frivo
around the world in such a way, especially
when he isn't getting much out OF 1t.
MY main business" he said the other
day to college classmate who was kidding
him about his job SIS to stand still on
occasion and let folks toss hgurative rocks
at me. have learned how to catch 'em
the rocks, that is--in my teeth and eat
em and look pleasant over it. That is 10
say, have learned not to talk back.
when l first became a fioorwalker
had no more self-restraint than to tell the
male shoppers who characterized me as
a dummy and a dub and a crumb OF
Camembert and splinter Of Roquefort
and the lady shoppers who told me that
didn't know any more about the location
OF goods in this establishment than the
newsboys out in 'front.' had no more
sense then than to hint to such as these
that right down the street on the next
block there was another institution sim
liar TO this and perhaps a good deal bet
ter in all respects. where they probably
could be served all right and get any
thing they wanted from free mess of
demonstrated breakfast food to an at
tachment on the cato receipts. But /
got over all that. ! came near losing my
job Had to steel myself to be good, no
matter how gruelling the effort
III that humble minded old boy, Job,
had been forced to hold down a floor
walkers place in a department store, it's
about 0 to that he'd have run amuck and
heaved potsherds and forty-nine cent
bottles Of violet water and thirty-seven
cent plush mounted clocks and things at
his tormentors and he'd probably have
been pinched and
However. job had an easy thing COM
pared to a Aoorwalker's, SO that don't
prove anything by dragging him in.
Not that fioorwalkers aren't provided
with material for entertainment A
couple of hours ago a man tore through
that storm door there, looking sore as a
butcher. Whenever | see a mad looking
man tearing through the door know that
his wife has sent him, and | feel for him;
for | was not always u floorwalker
This man had snip of cerise ribbon
clutched tight tly in his hand and as was
tho nearest loose animate thing to the
door he made for me
-'Say. you he fairly bawled at me,
where do go TO get about nine thousand !
of this stun. enough 10 trim a /,
waist that weighs about one-eighth of a /!
pound? Hey? Quick HeyY
Ribbon counter. second floor up, last I
to the left said ]. uncoiling the '
formula in my best marionette manner.
About ten minutes later he swooped I
uDon me again, still Clutching his bit Of .
ribbon. madden than ever
Look a-hcre, you he beloved rush. .
ing up to mo. how many ounces of hop, I,
Troy weight, do you shove into your .
in the course of one morn /
ing? I've been all over that bedinged third .
1oor, and nothin' doin'.
There's everything else on earth on
hat floor except ribbon. There's towels
md tablecloths ard bibs and coal sc,Ittles
'Hu ihV,iiiul'dl tulh> anu plTdleu lltera-
ure and fine combs and face wash and
'oap and Railway rugs made in Persia
md lunch counters and crazy women
md everything else on earth or ia the
waters beneath the earth no on that
loggoned third floor, but Ill eat every
ard OF ribbon that you can find up there,
nd what ! want TO know is how many
ooters Of hasheesh you've
said second floor up, you know
judged in there.
The devil you did" he hollered at me.
Don't you s'pose ] can hear" ,
We'll. YOU know said l. YOU could !
ave asked some of the salespeople up !
here where 10 go to find the ribbon coun-
er and they'd e
ASK emp he shouted at me. Say, Q
ont YOU s'pose had enough gumption '
nd gizzard TO do that? | asked em all, !.
nd I'll bet blue fox coat that I've been !
verywherein this DANCED building except !,
he boiler room.
They just scuttled me around like =,
pingpong ball. Before they sent Y
nc up To Scarborough or down to Far 8
iockaway thought / might as web drop q
own here and see you again, il only to Y
nth plastered hair and pink carnation !,
4 his buttonhole can absorb into his u
arcass and still keep on his feet. Say, e
ou wherein ellis that counter?
Ribbon counter second floor up. last y
Ounter to the left. said |, repeating the o
ritating little old saw, and he stomped II
,ward the elevator like man beating =,
Ia or from a fire
Ten minutes later he came down with =
package in his hand that must have he'd :,
nough ribbon TO drape the Dahomeyan !,
rmv. He was still mad p
Il guess maybe this isn't bunk out II
/, oh. no" he hissed at me on luis way -,
At. / finally found the ribbon counter. o
though it wasn't visible to the naked -
90. and showed the girl with the amber NJ NJ
air and the shelly ears and the biggest ',
)b of gum on earth, my sample. ww ww
"'She said she didn't have the correct ',
idth in my color but she had il in water "'
clon pink or something ike that, and u
le tossed me the hypnotic wink and threw OF
into me that my color wasn't the kazuZZ -
nix anyhow, and here am with enough 4
atermelon pink ribbon 20 stretch from
re 10 HadeS and back, and I've got 10 4
home with IL, at that. and be con-
onted by my wife, darn my imbecile
ebalis!
Il like this work. I'm stuck on nv OF
b. Say, lemme out o. here and he b,
as out Of the storm door and down the n,
rect before the girl who came running ~
after him with the s. change VI
had left behind could get a sight even
his coattails. m
We'll, little things of this sort serve 10 IN
SIS occasional rays of sunshine across =,
0 path of the hoorwalker but there ~
@ other things not so sunshiny A,
- Now. it's a queer proposition, but Ill
3 a fact, that the folks who buy stuff ~
re- and then find out that they haven't ",
upht what they wanted make il their e.