Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-07-09

cure Tor drunkenness. Pour gasoline on
| hubby and set him afire. If he burns up,
| he's cured.
A late fashion note says that hats and
| shoes should match, but it hardly seems
likely that women will take to wearing
bushel baskets on their feet.
'HOw many ribs thave you, Johnny"
asked the teacher in physiology. II
don't know, ma'am," giggled Johnny,
squirming around on one foot. Pm SO
awful ticklish | never could count EN-
Your honor" said the lawyer, 81 ask
the dismissal Of my client on the ground
| that the warrant fails to state that he
| hit Bill Jones with malicious intent"
This court" replied the justice, ''ain't t
a graduate of none Of your technical
schools. [ don't care what he hit him
with. The pint is, did he hit him?
| Perceedw
One of the anecdotes which Andrew
Carnegie is fond Of telling concerns a
grabbed bachelor and an aged spinster,
who one day found themselves at a con-
cert. The selections were apparently
entirely unfamiliar to the gentleman
but whenMendelssOhn's w edding March"
was begun, he pricked UP his ears. "That
sounds familiar" he exclaimed. Pm
not very strong on these classical pieces,
but that's very good. What is it?" The
Spinster cast down her eyes. That"
she told him demurely, lis the Maiden's
prayer.
Columbus plainly fOresaw that he
would never discover America until he
should have beguiled the fears of his
sailors by making the egg stand on end.
"But with eggs 60 cents dozen this is
impOSSible" he exclaimed ruefully.
King Ferdinand heFeupOn suggested
having his law officers proceed against
the egg trust-that was the best he could
think OF doing; but.Queen Isabella, with
deeper insight into the necessities of the
case, straightway offered to pledge her
jewels, which were of immense value.
Parvenu Hostess Ito stable boy, attired
as waiter for the occasion of a dinner
party" James; why do you not fill Mr..
GluttOne,S glass 7?
James-"LOr' ma'am, what's the use?
He empties it as fast as [ fill it,"
Two Pullman car pOrters met outside
the Grand Central after d nights run,
says the New York Morning Telegraph.
"Where's Ike Stevens, Bill? He hasn't
been on the job for two nights"
"NO He had a birth nm at his bOuSp -
Girl or boy?"
Twins"
Huh! [ don't call that birth; I call
that section"
A High street small boy, about years
old, was taken to an entertainment by
his mother the other evening. 1t was 10:
30 o'clock when they reached home and
the little fellow was very tired and sleepy.
He undressed quickly and hoped into
bed.
George" said his mother sternly, "Pm
surprised at you"
"Why, mamma?" he asked.
'yOu didn't say your prayers. Get
right out of that bed and say them"
"Aw. mamma" came from the tired
yOungster. whats the use Of wakin' the
Lord up at this time of night to hear me
pray?"
William McAdOO, the man who built
the tunnels under the Hudson river in
New York and the great terminal on the
New York side, was standing on the
COrtlandt street elevated railroad plat
form in New York one day, watching
the work. A man stood alongside him
and wishing to know what the people
thought about the work, Mr.. McAdoo in
quired of his companion: "What's all
that excavation for down there?"
Why" the man replied, ''that's the
McAdOo tunnels" and he explained the
system at length to its protector.
'But why do you call them the Nc
AdoO tunnels?" McAdoo asked.
Why" said the knOwledgous man.
"McAdoO is the guy that is building
them"
Irwin Cobb tells story of a little,
wiry negro who went into resort In
Natchez, displayed large roll of bills
and bought drink.
As he was paying for it another negro
came in, very large and very black. He
looked at the little man and said: Mig
gar, whar you git all dat money!"
'Bah-tendah," said the little negro.
by way of reply, All think All shall TEX a
bottle of dat-ah stuff. Pears quite salts
fyin' thu meh.'
''Niggah," roared The big one, "whar
you git dat money? I asst you. rs the
town bully, is. follows bullyn' fob a
trade. Whar you git it?"
The little negro began stuffing the
money back into his pockets. Seems
to me-" he unused, 4 amt got huff pock-
cts to hold all NAH wealth."
The big negro jumped at the little one
you hear what | said?' he demanded
Us the town bully an wanter know
whar you git all dat money!"
| Quick as flash, the little negro up
percut the big one, catching him On the
point Of the jaw and knocking him down.
In moment the big negro revived
enough to look up from the floor and ask
humbly: 'Niggah, who is you, anyhow"
"Why," replied the little one, blow
ing his knuckles, rs tn pussOn you
thought you wuz when you come in
curious inquirer wants to know
| what the GiCtpr ctataS : ond tho