The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-08-24
An
Imagination
How A YARN TO ORDER
GAN BE MADE.

w. Shakespeare, humorist. poet
and drama carpenter, is quoted as
saying that the same brand OF build
ing material is used In the construc-
ton of men and nightmares. How
ever, one would hardly suspect a per-
son who earns his kopeks by design
ing horse garages OF native stone
to erect atmosphere chateaux for his
recreation.
But Quills-the going up young
architect-who draws mechanically
perfect and perfectly mechanical dia-
grams of South elevations" etc., is
equipped with a six-cylinder, triple ex-
pansion imagination that can take a
reinforced concrete fact half the
size OF a pin point and build upon
that foundation a fictlonal skyscraper.
The only thing that prevents his rob-
bling Mark Twain Clemens of his
laurel bouquets is that instead OF writ
ing fables he passes them across his
favorite bar as trading stamps with
his beer nickels.
Funniest thing happened at this
next door barber shop the other day,
Billy?' After this introduction Quilts
fortified himself with deep breath
and dexterously knocked the cover
off his glass OF "suds." II was in
there letting one of the razor sharps
remove my surplus flesh-for it was
Saturday. They had a green painter
lathering the walls OF the shop with
varnish of the same color. He had
scaffolding strung all around the
joint and l had to stick my dome
up between two boards when the sur
geon wanted to run over my lawn
with the clippers.
The calcimine artist was working
on the ceiling and had lynched his
scuttle OF green dye to a nail in the
paddle OF 81 overhead fan. Being 4
cool day the breeze machine was
still. Now keep your eye on that
bucket of paint
SIT begins to cloud up and get
dark. so my barber pauses with the
points of the clippers resting on my
neck and says to the negro porter:
SAM says he, turn on the
lights
Now. Sam had just come up to
civilization from a little burg where
the barber shop boy works the It's
sue paper fly disturber by pulling
and pushing at Irvine string. But
he knew that one of the two warts
on the wall was for the lights and
the other for the fans, and he turned
on the one that he thought ought to
control the electric bubble.
The barber had just advised me
to try little somethingicide, limiting
that If l didn't my hair would drop
out and might get leprosy.
I'll rick it, says I, when we hears
beehive sound and something soft
splashed over my scalp locks.
Sam had turned on the fans by
mistake and one of them was doing
a merry-go-round with that pail OF
paint. I jumps from the chair. up
sets the painter, who was straddling
one Of those boards that was across
my neck. In a shower of grass-coIor-
ed rain / jumps for the hatrack.
where my new raincoat was hanging.
It was in one of those burglar proof
lock hangers. makes a hurry tour
or my costume and finds that the
pocket where I'd put the hanger key
had grown shut. While my fellow
victims were fighting for the exits
j yanked at the coat which was be-
ing sprayed as though it had potato
bugs on it,
We'll, at yank the second. believe
me, there was a ripping noise and
the coat comes down I beats it for
the door where the sprayed survivors
were waiting.
II starts off down Grand avenue,
headed for a locksmith's shop. with
the hat hanger tapping from my col
lar. Well. it didn't take long 10 file
the decoration from my collar. but
If ever again / go into snOp that
has those paddock coat hangers you
can mix my derby into cocktail and
I'll drink &C." and emptying his glass
Quilts departed through the swing
ing doors.
The bartender. having his curl.
osity aroused, inquired OF the bar
Der about the paint story. The lat
ter smiled
"He must "a been affected ~ that
bunch of popies we had in the win.
dow" said the barber man. We did
get the shop painted and the boy
turned on the fans while a paint
brush was lying on one Of them
Kansas City Times.