davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

on him. Here, | was. actually a mem
ber of the kaiser's family, with four
square meals day, and feather bed
TO sleep on. and another one to cover
me, preparing the kaiser's son for col
lege, a tutor, as it were. on a toot
every hour of the day, and the kaiser
looking upon me as the foremost
American citizen. except Roosevelt,
and just as we were getting to know
each other, Pa comes butting in and
spoils the whole business.
Gosh, but could have looked on and
seen Pa bastinadoed, or whatever is
the worst punishment, and never
turned hair, or shown human sympa-
thy
had given the prince a new degree
every day. until he walked on crutches
and they had to wheel me in a wheel
barrow. / took him out one day in
boat on the little lake in the palace
grounds, to teach him water polo, and
stood him up on the seat, and l rocked
the boat, and he split hole in the
water, and tried to catch hold of the
DOdl, anu TOWeu away from MIN, ana
he had to swim half a mile before
let him catch on, and after l let him
get in the boat. and he got so he
could breathe and emptied the water
out of his system and clothes, and
told him he was prepared to enter a
water polo game when he got to the
American college. he said all right,
, and then he tipped me out of the boat
and never let me get in until we got
near the shore, where lot of swans
took me for a new kind of duck and
they surrounded me and picked out
my eyes with their bills, and swatted
me with their wings. and when we
got ashore and l told him to run
around a pony track to dry his
clothes, he pickedrup a club and told
me to start first, and he chased me
around until we were both dry.
This hazing is all right enough when
you do the hazing. but l thought he
was real mean to hit me on the pants.
and make me run and set the pace.
He wanted to learn how to play foot
ball, so l got a cricket ball, his
cousins, the English princes had
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
OFFENDERS OF CUSTOMS OFFICE
ARE CHIEFLY WOMEN.
So Say the officiaIs-Watches Found
in Wedding Cake, Diamonds in
Books, and Corsets Sent
by Half Sections.

Most OF the successful operators of
schemes to defeat the alert customs
omcials are women. sad as it may be
to make the statement. At least that
is what Uncle Sans employees are
ready to aver, and because it is true
it can be easily imagined that the GUS
toms officers have to be eteranlly alert
to protect the government
The avenues through the steamship
passenger route are pretty carefully
guarded, and as comparatively few
people go abroad the great mass of
dwellers in this protected land are de-
barred from sharing in the humorous
little game of hide the diamond or
smuggle the silk. But there is another
avenue that has been overlooked until
recently, and this is now being used
enthusiastically by the anti-duty ag-
gregation. 1t is the United States
mail
with the immense volume of foreign
mail delivered to this country it is
manlfestly impossible to open and ex-
anime every package that seems to
contain newspapers or merely bulky
letter, to see whether or not some duti-
able article is concealed therein. So
1ar as 1t is possible, however, it is
done, and the addressee has to go to
the post Office and pay duty on the
amount at which the dutiable article
is appraised. Common sense has
taught the astute American that sealed
letters are much more likely to be
passed through unexamined than par
GELS sent unsealed 1t is easy to unite
string and investigate the contents
OF package, but to open all the let
ters that come through the mail would
be stupendous task 1t is assumed
as broad guess that all the articles
that are dutiable will come by package
post, and because of this assumption
many small article that would other
wise be taxed by the customs officers
gets through without toll
The custom house experts at the post
! office have their hands full clieckmat-
ing the clever moves of those who are
constantly devising new ways to dis
guise dutiable things as innocent look
ing parcels.
I'VE used to pass cakes through
without question" said one of the ex-
aminers. 1T seemed too bad to lay
hands on Christmas pudding sent by
relatives in England to some exile in
this country. 1t also disturbed the SEN
timental side of customs officer to de-
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

the English princes hat, and. asked
me how 1 liked scrambled eggs best
of all, and he pelted me with some that
didn't need assofoedfta to make them
smell. and he threw some at the Eng
lish princes, and then the worst possi-
BILE thing happened, because the
kaiser, who was out walking, like
Napoleon, thinking he was thinking.
saw us fighting, and the air was filled
with eggs, and the kaiser came up on
a run, with his uniform and military
cloak on, and his sons eyes were so
full of eggs that he couldn't see
where he was throwing eggs, and three
struck the kaiser in the neck and on
the chest and then there was a war
in the Balkans for sure. The kaiser
yelled, Rouse" whatever that is. and
blew a whistle full of egg, and the
bu;le sounded and troops began to
hustle out of the barracks and we were
surrounded, and l thought the world
was coming to an end.
Just as the kaiser was ordering
the troops to have us shot at daylight
or something of that kind in the Ger
man language, 1 looked up to heaven
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
PRETTY SMUGGLERS

molish section of wedding cake that
had been sent from the old home in
Germany to Fritz in America. So we
let these sacred things pass through
But one day we had an awakening.
One of the customs men heard that q
neighbor had obtained new watch
from abroad. 1t had come through duty
free, and the gleeful girl who was wear
ing 1t could not keep quiet about the
clever way the post office had been
deluded. 1t seems the watch had been
baked right into cake and had come
through without discovery. Now, this
forced us to take some step to prevent
repetition of such smartness, and
ever after that we held on to all cakes
or puddings that came in packages
through the mail. A letter is sent to
the person to whom the package is ad-
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
Joe Jefferson "Den" Thompson stor,

Joe jefferson "Den" Thompson Story.
Joe Jefferson used to tell this one:
In the spring of 1892, being in the
vicinity of West SwanZey, N. H., l
drove over to call on my old friend.
Den Thompson. 1t happened that
called at an inopportune time, as the
women folk were house cleaning. In
fact, l noticed as 1 1rove up to the
house that the clothes lines in the
yard back of the house were laden
with carpets.
Den was very anxious that should
look over his prize fowl, in which he
took especial pride. We went out into
the big yard back of the house. AS Den
was pointing out to me his favorites
we noticed one old hen going through
some queer antics. She was pecking
away at something on the ground, lift
ing it in her bill and dropping it again.
What's the matter with the old
biddy. anyway, DEM" I asked.
Den was silent for a minute, then
drawled out:
Well, you see, Joe. as she's a rath-
er domestic sort of hen | cal'late the
old girl must be getting ready to lay a
carpet"
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound to see what it would do,
and am restored to my natural
health. Mrs. ETA DONOVAN, Box
299. Willimantic, Conn.
The success of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, made from roots
and herbs, is unparalleled. It may be
used with perfect confidence by women
who suffer from displacements, infam-
nation, liberation, fibroid tumors, ir-
regularities, periodic pains, backache,
bearing-down feeling, flatulency, indi-
gestion, dizziness, or nervous prostra-
ton.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound has been the
standard remedy for female ills, and
suffering women owe it to themselves
to at least give this medicine a trial
Proof is abundant that it has cured
thousands Of others, and why should ID
not cure you?
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

brought from England, and we let him
be full back, and when he got the ball
and tried to run for a touch down,
seven servants, two English princes,
regular beef eaters, and l jumped on
him and held him down until he
bleated like calf, and when we let
him up and threw water in his face to
bring him to, he said he would tell the
kaiser and the kaiser would send bat
tleships to England and to the United
States and demand an apology and
indemnity.
But he didn't scare us with his war
talk, and we told the prince we would
give him one more degree and then
let up on him for that day. So we
blindfolded him with a handkerchief
and got a lot of eggs from the barn,
and fixed nest in his hair, with a
big swans egg in the middle and four
hens eggs around it. and l made him
hold up his right hand and swear that
he would never tell what happened in
comforting this degree, and then
asked him how he liked his eggs
cooked, boiled or scrambled, and then
us boys, the English princes and l,
took boards and smashed the eggs on
his head and held to his nose bottle
OF assofoedita, and when he smelled
1t, and the eggs dripped down his hair
into his collar, he said, Dem eggs vos
rodden, already" and 1 thought he
would drown in yolk of eggs, cause l
never knew swans egg would hold
so much yellow stuff, and then he
pulled off the blindfold, and, o, my,
wasn't he mad.
He grabbed up the dozen eggs in
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
ADVENTUROUS SAIL

the lonely islands in the center of the
South Atlantic. Three weeks WEI {
spent at Tristan da Cunha with it's
81 inhabitants), where the almost ex-
hausted water supply was replenished
The next place of call was Nightingale
island, where 400 or 500 petrol eggs
were added to the limited larder An
other $50 miles, and the travellers
came to the uninhabited Cough island.
Here, again, there was not much pro-
vision to be got except a few fish
caught at anchor. A gale springing
up, the Forget-Me-Not, hurriedly put
out from this dangerous coast, and
after encountering some bad weather,
eventually reached Table bay. The
provisions by this time had been re-
duced to a little flour and tea and
four gallons of tainted water.
The Forget-Me-Not is a sturdy craft,
built to resist the fierce storms of the
North sea. She has a comfortable
four bunked cabin and ample space
amidships. She can do seven knots
an hour with a favorable breeze, and
the best days run was about 165
knots. During the long voyage the
crew" occupied their time chiefly in
reading and fishing. They caught a
number of flying fish, which they
found tasty food, something like her
rings, but eventually they used them
chiefly as bait. With the exception of
the skipper, the voyagers had no
knowledge of the sea.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

dressed, and this person Git is almost
always woman) has to come to the
post Office and cut the cake or slice the
pudding right in front of the customs
officer. Do we catch Tartar occasion
ally? Well, you may take it for granted
that anyone who would try this trick is
Tartar to begin with, and so we don't
get off without scene when the cut
ting time comes
I'VE find fine silks done up in pack
ages of herbs; watches, diamond rings
and bracelets concealed in the leaves
Of books in holes cut for the purpose;
separate diamonds hidden away in bot.
ties of transparent liquid where the
gem is scarcely visible, and imported
colognes done up in innocent looking
parcels of foreign newspapers. No
doubt many dutiable articles escape us,
but we are getting wiser every day to
the tricks of the mail smugglers-
male smugglers ought to call 'em."
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
A Repeated Process.

A filthy fellow applied for q positioA
a. porter with large concern where
help was badly needed. The manager
looked him over doubtfully. Finally
he handed him half dollar.
go upstairs and take q BATH" he
told him. Then come back. and map
be I'll be able to take you on"
The fellow started for the door.
"And. oh, by the way" the manager
called after him. IF there's any change
left take another bath. body's
Magazine.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
A Simple Proposition

The man who sat alone had said
nothing.
The testimony against the upper
berth was pretty strong" said the.
stout man from Chicago Everybody
who came before the Pullman COM
mittee knocked it, and the women
were especially bitter. 1t almost
looks as if the upper berth would
have to CO."
The man who sat alone looked
around.
But If the upper berth goes, what's
to become of the lower berth?" he
asked.
The stout man stared at him.
why. the lower berth viii stay. of
course"
The man who sat alone shook his
head.
1T can't" he gravely said. IF
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

Starch, like everything else. is b.
fng constantly improved. the patent
Starches put on the market Is years
ago are very different and inferior t.
those of the present day. In the lat
est discovery-Defiance Starch-all in
furious chemicals are omitted. while
the addition Of another ingredient, in
vented by us. gives to the Starch Q
strength and smoothness never ap
preached by other brands
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

for an inspiration, and saw something
that looked like a sawed on airship
coming across the parade ground. and
to change the subject, and to make
conversation, yelled. Look. who's
here" and then everybody looked at
the airship.
The kaiser said, ''Vot iss," and as
the ship came nearer, and he saw the
cowboy with blue shirt and white
hat, he thought it was the tri-color Of
France, and he begun to turn pale
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

in these or earlier times. The story
comes from Cape Town, Africa, where
the vessel shown in our half-tone IL
lustration and her hardy crew arrived
short time ago after long and ad
venturous voyage, having over seven
months before sailed from Dover, Eng
land. The story is as follows:
Last year four young Englishmen.
bent on adventure. bought the 22-ton
smack Forget-Me-Not from Dover
fisherman, and in the month of June
they set out from Dover. their original
destination being Buenos Ayres. The
skipper holds a masters certificate.
and the other three were his school
fellows In Yorkshire. A cook was
shipped at ST Vincent, and the voy-
ayers visited Madeira. Las Palmas.
Cape Verde island, and the now unin-
habited treasure island of Trinidad.
400 miles from Brazil
Then, the passion for exploration
growing stronger. trip was made to
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

around the gills, and then he saw Pa
at the steering wheel. and he asked
what that was, and l said it looked to
me like bag Of dynamite, and then
the kaiser said to the troops, "Choot,
choot, like der devil" and then the
war commenced. More than a hundred
shots were fired at the gas bag, and it
began to sink to the ground, from the
escaping gas, and the cowboy threw
out the drag rope and shouted, Grab
hold of that rope, you schultzenfest,
you," and they grabbed the rope, and
the airship was landed, the cowboy
said to the soldiers, Its a wonder
you fellows. with the squirrel rifles,
wouldn't be little more careful where
you shoot, for you came near spelling
a good Stetson hat, putting bird shot
into it,
The gas all escaped from the bag
and it was fiat on the ground, and Pa
got out of his steering seat, and went
up to the kaiser and said, What do
you clod-hopping farmers mean by
shooting at every airship you see?
Pretty soon airship touring will be as
| dangerous as automobiling. Now, get
move on you and let those military
masqueraders help get the bag and
the frame to the nearest railroad sta
| tion," and Pa glowered at the kaiser
as though he would eat him.
Gee, but the kaiser was hot under
the collar so that the heat almost
fried the eggs that stuck to it.
Arrest these dynamiters, that have
attempted to assassinate the emperor"
said he, and the soldiers surrounded
Pa and the cowboy and put bayonets
against their pants, and were march
ing them off to prison, when l rushed
! up to Pa and said, Don't be afraid,
will rescue you, l, your little Hennery,"
and Pa stopped to get look at me,
while a bayonet went through his
pants leg, and he moved on saying,
"Hennery, why do you keep such COM
pany, when l left you in nice hotel,
while l visited Turkey. You make
your Pa weary"
Then l followed along and told him
the pretty man in the cloak with the
egg sandwich on his chest, was the
emperor of Germany, and he had got
his foot in it by landing on the I'm
perial parade grounds, which was
crime that would cost his life. Me,
too" said the cowboy
Then the kaiser asked me who the
wicked old man was and l said, 81
cannot tell lie. He was my father,
spare him for my sake" and the
kaiser, as he f1ecked some dry egg
yolk off his collar said, rs dot so. We
will kill him for my sake, you bet
your life" and the prince said, 'Will
dot skin you. you young crazy Ameri-
can haZer, and l don't ever go to
American college, dom Site"
The prison closed on Pa and the
cowboy, and We all started for the
palace, when the little prince l had
! cen so kind to, in giving him college
degrees, said to a servant, Take this
chump to the kennel and give him
some dog biscuit and let him sleep in
dog house, already"
And there is where / threw up my
job preparing a prince for college.
Copyright, 1909. by w. G. Chapman)
Copyright in Great Brittany
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
How's This?

We oner One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
case OF Catarrh that cannot be cured BY Hali1
Catarrh Cure.
F. ]. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo. O
We. the undersigned, have known F. j. Cheney
for the last Is years. and believe him perfectly
orable IN all business transactions and financially
able TO carry out any obligations made by his 6rm-
WALDING kINNAN & MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists. Toledo q.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken internally. acting
directly upon the blood and surfaces OF th6
system. Testimonials sent free. Price rs cents pe4
bottle. Sold by all Druggists
Take Hals Family Pills for constIpation.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

walk ups tairs
without stopping
on the way. L
tried three differ
ent doctors and
each told me some
thing different. I
received no benefit
from any of them.
but seemed to suf-
fer more. The last
doctor said moth
ing would restore
INV hoo1fh ThoOon
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
The Old Maids Chance.

do you ever lose that umbrella of
yours?" asked the maiden.
| No, I don't" replied the man,
sternly; the person who takes that
umbrella will have to take me-"
DO l understand that to be a pro-
posal OF marriage or q threat ?"-
Yonkers Statesman.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
Playino 'Possum.

How do yoah 'possum taste, suhf'
asked the solicitous waiter.
WELL" responded the patron who
had ordered the article. ''it tastes pref
ty good, but it isn't 'possum."
mo, suh." rejoined the waiter; "ans
dat's a sign it's genuine. De genuine
'possum is a great pretender. sub; yaA.
sub. Ledger.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
A MisfakA

Husband-OnIy think! Cohen, whom
we had to dinner last Sunday. has
died suddenly!
Wife How I v:sh we had invited
him for nezt Sunday.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

there's no upper berth there can't be
lower berth. Don't you see?''
Il see." replied the stout man, and
he picked up his paper and he lapsed
back into silence.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

II you suffer from Fits, Falling Sickness,
6pasms or have children or friends that do so,
my New Discovery will relieve them and ali you
are asked 70 do Is send for q FREE Bottle of
DIR. Mays Epilepticide Cure.
failed. Sent free with directions. Expresa
Prepaid. Guaranteed by May Medical Lab
orztory, under the National Food and Druga
Act, June 3oth. 1906. Guaranty No. 1871.
Please give AGE and full address.
DR.. w. u. MAY.
'o4S Pearl Street.. Ne- York City
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
TEN THOUSAND MILES IN a
SMALL FISHING SMACK.
Story of the Thrilling Trip Which
Four Men Took from Dover,
England, to Cape Town,
Africa,

The story of the remarkable cruise
of 10000 miles in fishing smack is
one of the latest tales of adventure
and one which will find few parallels
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
Science and Culture,

last hour
Lit-Good! You've needed some
thing like that for a long time.-Wis-
consin Sphinx
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

Women know that men will make
fools of themselves if given a chance
and they give them lots of chances.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
AFTER
DOCTORS
FAILED
LydiaE. Pinkham's Vegeta.
bic Compound Cured Her.

Willimantic, Conn.-"For five years
l suffered untold agony from female
troubles, causing backache, irregulari-
ties, dizziness and nervous prostra-
tiOn. It was impossible for me to
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

New Yors's Building Operations.
1t is estimated by New York build
er that there are buildings under con-
struction in the city which will aggre-
gate In value more than $10o. .O00. 900.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

Feet Ache-Use Aliens Foot-Ease
over 600 testimonials Refuse limitations Send foe
Tree trial package. A. 8. Olmsted. LIE Roy, N. 7.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

ALL UP-TO-DATE HOUsEKEEPERs
Use Red Cross Ball Blue. 1t makes clothes
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07

1t takes a has-been a long time b
find 1t out.
Barbour County index., 1909-04-07
WITH MOTHER A CLOSE sEcoNn

''Hi. you. Willie! Watts de matter?-
'Nuthin'. I'm trainin' for q Mara
thon!"
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1909-11-11
>>>>>>>>>> . >>>>~<><>><
LIBRARY NOTES
y
.
~<>>
v
49,

The Sunday hours at the library
are now from ? to o'clock No
books are loaned or returned on
Sunday afternoons, but the reading
rooms are open and many people
find it a pleasant place in which to
spend a leisure hour.
The work of returning deposits
and registering readers is going on
as rapidly as possible The new sys-
TEN tends to increase the number Of
borrowers; where one member of a
family made deposit of 81 for a
card under the old plan, four mem
bers can now obtain cards for the
same amount. A number of new
readers have registered
A travelling library of 80 volumes
has been loaned to the public school
at Boyce for period of three
months.
The WaXahachie Musical club has
presented to the library Groves
Dictionary of Music and Musicians.
This valuable and expensive work
ranks as the best encyclopedia of
music in English. 1t covers the
whole field of music; the articles are
by prominent writers and are signed.
The four volumes received belong
to the newly revised edition; Vol, .
will be added as soon as it is pub
lished. The reference department of
the library is greatly enriched by
this donation. The gift reveals a
beautiful altruistic spirit in the mu-
steal club. Instead of purchasing the
sci and placing it in the club room
solely for their own use, they have
generously placed it at the service
Of all music lovers and music stu
dents.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1909-11-11
Fire DESTROYS Residence

The residence of J. S. Boren, on
West avenue at Ennis, was burned
at 2:30 O'Clock Wednesday after
noon. Most of the household goods,
including the piano We're saved from
the lower rooms. 1t is not known
how the fire originated, Insurance
$1,000 on the house and $1,000 ON
the furniture. The house was est,-
mated to be worth about $4,000
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1909-11-11
GOOD NEWS FOR WOMEN.
Uncle Sam VIII Force Postmasters
60 Handle Candy.

Advised that postmasters through
out the country have been refusing
to receive packages containing can
dy for dispatch by parcel post Sec
ond Assistant Postmaster General
Stewart of Washington, has sent in
structions to postal officials that the
prohibition against CONNECTIONS" in
the parcel post extends only to fruit
preserved with sugar. Consequently
candy not containing fruit is mail
able by parcel post, providing 1t is
so packed as not likely to damage
other articles in the same mail.
The Waxahachie daily light. [volume] (Waxahachie, Tex.) 1894-current, 1909-11-11
Death OF Infant.

Dot Dillon, one Of the infant twins
of George Dillon, died Wednesday
morning at the home of Mr.. NJ. r.
Davenport on Monroe street The In
torment took place at the city ceme-
terry Thursday morning at 10 O'Clock.