davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Upset
Sick Feelind

that follows taking a dose of castor
oil, salts or calomel, 10 about the
worst you can endure-Ugh-it
gives one the creeps. You don't
have to have it-CASCARETS
move the bowels-tone up the
liver-without these bad feelings.
Try Thorn. sl.
cAscARETs roc bon for q weeks
treatment, all drug4itts. Biggest seller
In the world. Million boxe1 msuth.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Effect Of Fear.

a vigorous young greengrocer, age
81. was arrested on Tuesday on charges
of drunkenness and assaulting a POI
liceman. who was assisted in secur-
ing him by a Mr.. Lyons. On Wednes-
day it was announced in court that Mr..
Lyons was dead. and the greengrocer
was rcmanded to see whether the cor
oners jury would hold him In any way
responsible for the tragedy. BY Sat-
urday it had been found that Mr.. Ly-
onss death was due to heart disease
OF long standing, but meanwhile the
agonZing suspense had aged the pris"
oner terribly. his black hair having be-
come completely white.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

A skirt steak Is not exactly a piece
de resistance. or a flirtatious piece, as
some thoughtless STILES may think,
but is quite another piece. the cheap
est piece of steer 1t is piece OF
the diaphragm, or midrlff. between
lungs and bowels. and makes good
steak, stew or sausage. having the great
advantage of being absolutely fresh.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Summer Rromides.
,,,,re invited ont to snend

When you're invited out to spend
A day or two
Beside the lake with some dear friend.
Some certain things to do and say
In certain. fixed and proper way
For instance. when you pass your plate
For extra meat.
ut is a fright" be sure to state,
The way ! eat
In town l scarcely take bite
But here I've found my appetite.
Then you must talk about the air.
So fresh and pure.
Exhilarating, you declare.
A certain cure
For dread insomnia-tten add.
Last night splendid sleep I had"
Tho beauties Of tho place admire.
This way will do:
"Of such a place Id never tire.
l envy you
Who loll up here in summer time
While / must toll In smoke and CRIME ~
These are the summer brcmides all
Resorters know,
When city friends come up to call,
They'll babble so.
And should you fail these things to say
They'll think your mind has gone astra v
detroit Free Press.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

From the Baltimore American.
what subject have you taken for your
address at the Civic club?"
''Woman's moral obligations as citi-
zen"
What lovely subject. And what are
you going to wear?"
THAT new gown 1 brought homo with
me from Paris. And just think: had 1T
SO cleverly packed in with my old clothes
that the custom house inspector never
discovered it was there
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
SHOOTING for CHARS.

From the Ehattanooga Times.
During the maneuvers the subject OF
rife shooting frequently cropped up at
one of the officers messes.
TN bet any one here a box of ci-
gars,' said Lieutenant A., that can
fire 20 shots at 200 yards and tell
without waiting for the marker the
result OF each one correctly"
"Done!" cried Major B., and the
whole mess turned out early the next
morning to witness the experiment.
The lieutenant fired
"Miss!" he announced calmly.
Another shot.
"A1iss!" he repeated.
A third shot.
Miss"
Hold held ont" put in Major 81
What are you trying to do. You're
not firing for the target"
of course not" was the cool re-
Spouse, I'm firing for those cigars"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Reflections of a Bachelor.

An old man with a young wife makes
her appear like dancing on crutches.
What makes 1t easy for man to wake
up early Is IL he has nothing to do and
could just as we'll stay in bed late.
We are all so susceptible to flattery that
We like it even when we are ashamed To
know we are being made fools of by it.
woman will cheerfully pay $40 a month
more rent for house In the country
that has name which looks nice on her
writing paper.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

Ask Your Druggist 70. Aliens Foot.Ea.e.
II tried ALIENS FOOT-EASE recent>
ly, and have just bought another supply.
1t has cured my corns. and the hot. burn
ing and itching sensation in my feet which
was almost unbearable. and 1 would not
be without 1t now.-Mrs. w. j. Walker.
Camden, N. j." Sold by all Druggists 25c.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
WANTS HER
LETTER
PUBLISHED
For Benefit Of Women who
Suffer from Female Ills
Minneapolis Mimi was great
sufferer from female troubles which

NeDA0ON % WO0hAAOoS
and broken down,
condition of the
system. / read so
Observation-Disclosures
E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound
had done for other
suffering women I
felt sure 1t would
help me, and must
say 1t did help me
wonderfully. : My
roipo oil 1af& MO r
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Absent All Around.

An absent minded professor returned
home one evening, ana, after ringing
his front door bell for some time to no
effect, heard the maids voice from the
second-story window: THE professor
is not in
''All right" quietly answered the
professor, TN call again." And he
hobbled down the stone steps,.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
LANp-lRRIoATEp-LANp.

Perpetual water right; fine water: pro-
ductive soil; crop failures unknown: so
bushels wheat per acre; 81 to tons al
falfa: healthful climate; free timber: easy
terms. Write now. Linwood Land COM
pany, Rock Springs. Wyo.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Dressed for tho Part.

Mr.. Wl1sssv's ooofn1Re STEW for Chfldrsn
toething, softsns IL gumA reduces tHAammAti On,
sllAys pain. enpss Wind eoiiA zee bpktiA
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Her Preference.
Said the brunette maid
To another quite fair:
For flirting. it's said.
You really don't care
But it's coolies of fun
To dirt with a fan"
"Fudge.." said the fair one.
Give me q fool man"


A feeling of security and freedom
from anxiety pervades the home in which
Hamlins Wizard Oil is kept constantly
on hand. Mothers know it can always be
depended upon In time Of need.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

PERRY DAVIS. pA1NK1LLER
for all sorts Of outs bruises burns and strains Taken
Internally II cures diarrhoea and dyssntsry Avoid
ottutes No.. SO. and B0c.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Tho Mornina Crouch.

How do you rise in the morning?
Gloomy and sad and sour,
Or glad of the rest that was given yol
And brave for the battle hour?
Do you rise from your couch at day
break
With smile for your loved ones true1
Come. tell me. now. is a churlish frown
The best that they get from you?
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Pointed Paragraphs.


A dollar bill in the hand beats two
due bills in your mail.
The milk man is sometimes also an
advocate Of pure water.
A mans credit is usually good when
he doesn't need It,
It's still question whether love is
an asset or liability.
It's nice to live in the country-nice
for your city relations.
The woman who marries a cranky
old bachelor is as big fool as he is
After a woman has buried her third
husband you can't tell her much about
men.
When people wish a newly married
couple happiness they don't really ex-
pect 1t to come.
A mother thinks 1t queer that her
daughter should care for the things
she never cared for herself
It's difficult to convince a woman
that gambling is wrong as long as her
husband keeps ahead Of the game.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Not in Virginia.


The dusky man servant of Wash
ington official, being granted leave of
absence not long ago to visit his home
In Virginia, hied himself to an estab-
lishment purveying travellers supplies
In order to purchase valise.
The salesman seemed to think the
darby should purchase something in
the way of a large bag. Here's fine
one" he said. THE best alligator bag
you can get. Only"
Look heah, boss" interrupted the
darkey impatiently, 81 done tole yo'
several times don't want an alligator
bag. l amt goin' to Floridy. rs goin'
to nah home In Virginny.'
Stromboli in pouring out streams of
lava. is playing most unusual part.
says the London Chronicle. For the
remarkable character of the aeolian
isle is that 1t vomits flame persistently
and cinders spasmodically. The light
house OF the Mediterranean has been
known to stick to its function Of torch
bearer without dropping an ounce Of
tar) for the space of 1000 years.
Whenever the tiny. irregular eruption
takes place the stones drop back again
into the crater. While the ancients re-
garded Stromboli variously as the
smithy Of Vulcan and the headquarters
Of Eolus. the men of the middle ages
looked upon 1t as the main highway to
purgatory.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

Even if woman does fail to enjoy
an outing. she always tries to make
thos- who remained at home believe
she cid.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

The fact that man has the Sleep
ing In church habit is no sign that he
viii dnd rest In heaven.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
Stromboli in pouring out streams of

In 1908 the American merchant ma
rine carried only Ia per cent of the
freight between the United States and
Uruguay.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

Do you rise in the morning merry,
Or gloomy and cross and sado
Do you growl and snanl at your morning
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

Because the coffee is bad?
Don't do 1t. for life has troubles,
All, many, and greater. too,
For the simple things In the morning
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

In China, even In the modern Shang-
hal the motor still continues to be the
coolie, hire to 10 cents day.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
A Chinese Puzzle.

A Chinese Puzzle.
Ching Ling Lung and Chang Long Lucy
Could not get enough chop-suey;
One day they ate until they died
Did they commit chop-suey-cide
Success MAGAZINE
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

The coal bill OF the navy last year,
including handling and storage. was
$5,544, 945.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

To His Wife.
From Lippincott's.
Perhaps the wife whose remains lie be-
meath the following epitah would be
pleased at the sentiment. could she read
it twice, she would probably look for the
her husband:
Thou hast gone before me
To thy last long sleep:
Tears cannot restore thee
Therefore weep.
BY her husband.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29
To bother a man like you.

Get up with smile and whistle;
Get up with CHEEKY word;
For morning crouch. when you think
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

This 10 the best Of all home remedies Dis
covered A. D. 1896. by Claes lilly. it has. in
the past 200 years. relieved Thousands and
thousands of sufferers from
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

My brother. is 80 absurd.
Reserve your growls and your bitter words
For the time when a real grief frets you;
What chance have you in LIES big affairs
IL trifling thing upsets you?
Detroit Free Press
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

TALES TOLD ABOUT
NATIONS CAPITOL
Rubbing Elbows With Great.
ness on It's Human
Side"
Rombard Murdoch.

8ombard Murdoch.
From the Washington Times.
It does look as IL size fight for fur
ther reform Of the House rules Is hope
lessly lost. They have begun to write
Kansas poetry about 1t.
Victor Murdoch Of Wichita, the most
persistent and enthusiastic fighter
among the insurgents. Is the hrst VIC
tim. His mail has been representing
almost all the states in the union Of
late. He has had letters from college
professors, school teachers, newspaper
editors. all sorts Of publishers wanting
articles by him, business men, farmers
people OF every interest, all over the
country. Several OF them have sent
him kilograms, one OF which. coming
the morning after the insurgents had
met their Anal defeat and the FYtx-
gerald amendments had been adopted,
read cheer into his soul. It said:
do not be discouraged,
For Jesus 10 your friend"
The next day however, he was cast
down, for this came on a postal card
from a man in his home district:
Hurrah for Murdoch, hurrah for Clark;
Give him some more
Where you hit before.
Stop his big roar, forevermore-more-
more.
p. S.-Don't fail to note that this is
poetry.
Mn Murdoch hasn't emitted single
vocal complaint against the rules since
this misfortune assailed him. He de-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1909-07-29

rhe,. i. onl, on. GENUINE HARLEM on
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
Chess and Checks.

Chess was originally the game Of
kings, the game Of shahs The word
"shah" became in old French 'eschac,"
while the old French "eschecs" was
further corrupted into chess" The
more original form chez has likewise
been preserved, though we little think
OF it when we draw a cheque, or
when we suffer a check, or when we
speak of the chancellor Of the ex-
chequer. The great object Of the chess
player is to protect the king, and
when the king is in danger the op-
ponent is obliged to say check" i. e.,
shah, the king. After this the various
meanings of check. cheQue, or ex-
chequer become easily Ineligible. Ex-
chequer, or scaccarium, the name of
the chess board, was afterward used
for the checkered cloth on which ac-
counts we're calculated by means of
counters.
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
ROYAL ARcANuM.

Norwich council No. 100 held its
stated meeting Tuesday evening at the
Buckingham Memorial, going upstairs
and vacating the post room to accom-
modate the big St. Mary's' parish whist
which was being held there. This move
people. The council took action on the
death claim of Rufush T. Marshall. The
last death benefit to be paid before this
was for the late John e. Warner.
The committee on finance of the su-
preme council just concluding its
semi annual examination offers to the
membership the following.
The members of the Royal Arcanum
are to be congratulated upon the re-
suits of the past year. Considering
that the whole country has experienced
one of the worst panics in history, with
general business at a standstill. rail
roads abridgin gexpenses, manufactor-
les closed or running on part time, the
growth and prosperity of our organiza
ton would naturally be affected, and
therefore a practical sustaining OF our
mebership. and a wonderful growth in
our emergency fund is most gratifying
and assuring; that our condition is so
favorable entities those in active man
agement to our grateful appreciation.
l. is the duty of the committee on
finance 10 carefully examine the books
of the supreme treasurer, supreme au-
ditor and supreme trustees, and believ-
ing that the result of our Investigations
would be appreciated by the MEMBERS,
we would state that there were 12,457
benefit certificates issued during the
past year; the payment for death
claims during the year was indicated
in 3,241 claims, amounting to $685.
740.90, and during that time the emer-
gency fund was Increased over $1,000
600 by the addition of SS50.000 from the
supreme treasurer and interest Of
$15fS05.24 on the invested funds.
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
AMERICAN MECHANICS.

Miantonomo council, No. 80, held a
special meeting Friday evening in
Pythian nail, which was an open meet
ing and smoker for the members and
ing State Organizer Thomas r. Gil
more. There was an attendance of
nearly forty, of whom more than half
were members. and there were
several from America council, No. 81,
Of Montville.
Frank Q. Smith. chairman of the
committee of arrangements, called the
meeting TO order and introduced Or
ganizer Gilmore. who is an ex-nationa'
councillor OF the order and was the
organizer Of this council twenty years
ago. Mr.. Gilmore mad an eloquent
address in which he set forth the dis
tinctive Americanism Of the organia
ton, standing for the highest types
and highest ideals of American citi
zenship. To 1t the passport is Ameri-
can birth. and 1t should have the same
claim upon loyal Americans as do the
societies formed by the foreign born
who come to these shores. 1t Is a sur
porter of liberty and freedom and
Americas cherished institutions. and
has no principle that any liberty-lov-
ing American can object TO.
Organizer Gilmore explained the
three kinds of membership-the bene-
fetal for those from 16 to So paying
sick and funeral benefits; the active,
embracing Iull participation in the
business OF the council, but no bene-
fits; and the honorary, which Is what
its name indicates. He strongly urged
a big boost in membership for Mianto-
homo council and invited those pres
ent to join in the spirit of loyalty,
patriotism and devotion, which were
the moving ideas Of the organization.
Organizer Gilmore was followed in
an earnest talk by Ashley T. Boon.
past state councillor, who was honoref
with q seat upon the platform. He
also pressed home the merits CT the
order and repeated the invitation to
join.
Tt was announced that another
smoker would be held next Friday
evening in the same place and a gen.
eral invitation was extended to all to
attend. The members are looking to
see good accessions TO the membership
list as a result of the two meetings
and Organizer Gilmore, who Is work
ing in this city in the interests OF the
order
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
Second Floor
News from NOrwich's
Greatest Garment Store

W0men's and Misses Tailored Suits
in al of the seasons leading materials
and colorings; chic models lined with
silk or satin, value up to $17.5O-Today
special 1925.
Women's Extra Fine Suits - two
piece effects, all finely finished and
rich colors, values UP to s23.5O-TO-
days price $685..
Women's and Misses Coats. black
Panama and ine coverts, all made
right up to the Today $1,000.
Children's Coats, to "A years, some
blue serge, others fancy striped wor-
steds. value $6.5O-Today 1895.
women's Rain Coats. made up
stylish in the materials and leading
colors-TOdey 1926.
women's Dresses. fine Messalines
and taffetas, Princess effect. pretty
yoke effects-$15,oo and $3.50.
women's J0iae Lawn Waists. pref
eily trimmed with embroidery and
lace, regular $1.OO quallty-Tod &c
women's Fine Tailored Waists,
laundered collar and cuffs-s195.
Women's Waists, made Q It Of Ar1cr-
son imported glnghams-special 1925,
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
KNIGHTS OF PYTHIAs.

The annual field day exercises Of the
Connecticut brigade, U. r., K. p, will
be held at the baseball grounds, Savin
Rock. New Haven, on Saturday, June
IL, at which place the brigade is or
dered to assemble in dress uniform at
10 a. m.
An effort has been made to obtain
the use of the state camp ground al
Mantle for a weeks encampment OF
the uniform rank, in an appeal to the
legislature. This was not favorably
reported upon and that project was OF
necessity abandoned 1t has been the
custom annually to assemble for one
days routine and New Haven was Sc
lected this year for convenience of &C
cess.
The order of exercises at New Ha-
ven this year win be as follows:
Company drills at 10, battalion drills
at II. regimental dress parade at 2,
followed Immediately by brigade re-
view, after which will take place COM
petitive company drill, for which three
prizes are offered. Brigade headquar-
tiers will be at the Sea View house. The
music will be furnished by o. band
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
HiBERNIANS.

Division No. l, with President Mich
ael J. Dwyer in the chair, held its reg
ular meeting with a good attendance
Sunday afternoon in Hibernian hall.
Two new members We're initiated, two
applications received. and two names
voted on. As an attractive feature for
the meetings, it was decided to conduct
a series Of debates or discussions at
the first meeting of each month, these
to be under the management of the Of
ficers. With the F'Orty-five tournament
which is now under way, and in which
Division No. / has the lead over Di-
vision No. 2, the two divisions have
the social interest well sustained The
players for Division No. l are the fol-
lowing: NJ. J. DwYer. Michael O'Con-
nor, d. ]. O'Neil. John Fenton. John
Sullivan, John Brown. John E. Dom
nelly, Patrick T. Murphy, Michael H.
O'Neil. Dennis Brown, NJ. H. Delaney,
Daniel DI'ODUell
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
The Riqht Sort of Wife.

An Atchison man recently refused
a proposal Of marriage. Il like you, -
he said to the girl, but you have too
many friends. There would be too
many at our wedding, for you would
be afraid not to invite them all, and
your many friends wouldn't be salts
fed unless they made fools of US by
playing some kind of crazy pranks on
us when we started on our wedding
journey. You have so many friends
that we would get all kinds of we'd
ding presents that we don't want, and
would be kept poor in future trying to
pay back when the donors got mar
ried. You are nice, and 1 like you,
but what am looking for in wife is
a woman who is friendless. "-Atchison
Globe.
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
oRnER OF PROTECTION.

Local members Of the supreme lodge
of the New England Order of Protec-
ton and the newly elected representa-
tives from the Connecticut grand lodge
have received notification that the 22d
annual session of the supreme lodge
of the order will be held in Boston,
Tuesday, May IL, in Intercolonial hall,
Dudley street, to hear and act upon the
reports of officers and committees snd
to elect officers for the coming ye ar.
The meeting <ill be called to order at
10 4. IN, with Supreme Warden Fred
erick L, Peabody as chairman.
]. l.. Wheeler of New London. John
J. OBrien of South Coventry ssnd M.
j. Foley of this city, the two latter
having been elected at the late grand
lodge session. are representatives from
this section of the state.
Norwich bulletin., 1909-05-01
DEGREE OF POcAHoNTAS.

A party of nineteen tables was as
sembled for whist in Foresters' hall
Monday evenin, under the auspices of
the Neosha club. connected with Sebe-
quonash council, No II, and a fine
time was enjoyed at the game and in
a social way. First prize among the
women was taken with a score of At
by Mrs. II. Clement who received
jewel case: Mrs. Louis Manchester re-
ceived a bNrette as second prize for
score of 45, and Mrs. Anna Guile re-
ceived mustard Jar as the consolaA
ton. Among the men e. A. Kinne's
score Of At captured a stickpin and
cuff buttons as first prize. Ernest Bos-
sey and James Counihan, who had As
points. settled second prize by cutting
on which Mr.. Counihan won and re-
'ceived a pack of cards. The consola-
ton was Robert McNickle's, a shaving
mug. Cake and coffee were served.
The Neoshas have two more whists
planned holding one next Friday even
ing ri the home Of Mrs. Jane Holmes,
164 Boswell avenue. and another at the
next meeting of the council in the hall