The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-31

HUAOR OF TIE Day
Frugal North Briton Gin his first ezper-
ience OF taxp-aere' mon. stopi haze a
wee machine o. yours marlkin' I'D thas
tuppences.-Punch.
How is it that Julia is so Jealous and
qgarTels;emei; She 1 USED US to have such
year she has been singing in a church
choir."-Baltimore American.
No with powder."'-Syracuse Post
Standard.
seat next 70 YOU sngagsd: miss? Miss
20; put am ana ne s9sns TO get IN
Lady ION the bank)-9fy dear sir how
ter)ZMy dear madam, to be frank, fdidn't
come to tumble in-I came to skate.-The
Bystander.
''And that young man kissed you on the
lips? %, Why, didn't you offeE him your
have to. papa" said the girl; hes going
to ask you for thatr'-Yonkers States
man.
Tramp (outside the gate)-Madam. may
ask does your dog bite? Mrs Jaye On
about what we feed him oni-San Fran
cisco Examiner
Freshnan-who is the smallest man
mentioned in history? Sophomore give
der who slept on his watch; -University
of Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
He proposed to her by mail, and by let
ter she replied. He read her brief re
fusali; tn, then committed suicide Alas; he'd
had he but read the postscript on the
other side.-Chicago News.
''Yus. Bill, mark my words, the thing
wot's goin' to make England is tariff re
reforn mG y tariff reform foe nar s
er-weil. it's-er-what they tells yer at
the meetings. London Punch.
Did you tell that photograRheE You
didn't want your picture taken?' Yes"
sonage Did he take offenseT' mo. He
said he didn't blame me."-Washington
Star.
us my hat on STRAIGHT" "Yes;E ,.n
couldn't get It straighter. Are you ready?''
mo III have to go back and H's change this
kind on straight. Leader.
Lucille. a carefully brought up little girl
in glee II was good girl, mamma ma, she
pleasant. to Mrs, .Appiegate, just t, before
leaying?'' her mother asked: "Oh. yes .ii
smiled and said, I enjoyed myself very
much, Mrs. Apologize. had lots more
to eat than I s'pected.' "-Wornan's
Home Companion.
ten me on the ankle. Dog. Owner-well.
that's as high he could reach. You
wouldn't expect a little pup like him to
bite your neck, would yer?-Pearson's
Weekly.
Elsie-Why is Clara always so short OF
money Didn't her father leave her a
lot? Madge-Yes; but you see she's not 10
g ge to q thatMBoston TTanscript. never O"
Weary Walker-whati Don't look like
a sailor? Why I've been following the sea
for thirty years. Farmer Haycrop-well.
you keep following it for thirty years
more. and perhaps you'll catch up with
it.-Life.
"Have you heard the name Of the latest
1.-THE 'nothing-nothing' Jaw, that's too
thini' That's what press dispatches
say."-Houston Post.
Friend-what on earth are you doing to
that painting Of yours? Dauber-Can't you
over the rabbit in the foreground. Mrs.
Alsoddie will be here today. and when
she sees her pet dog smell of that rabbit
she'll buy it.''-Judge.
Sill1CuS-We SnOulQ all strive 10 Dear
each others burdens Cynicus-Yes, most
of us seem to think we could bear each
others burdens more easily than we could
our own.-Philadelphia Record.
They were the little daughters of an ar
tist-Edith and Ethel You don't look so
very much alike" remarked visitor
"Oh. not" answered Ethel, who was the
younger, I'm in mammals later manner"
Puck.
why don't you bring out an umbrella ,
on drenching day like this? inquired
man of a neighbours son. Since father
gave UP his club he's never brought home
any more umbrellas" replied the lad
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Ethel Dust returned from the kinder
garten prize giving)-Mummie. 1t was a
shame! They gave a prize for something
we've never been taught Mother-What
was that, darling? Ethel-"General
Progress they called it.-Punch-
"a pessimist'' says the Philosopher Of
choice of two evils. chooses both and
sticks around to wait for more. "-C1eve-
land Leader.
Heiress-Tell me truly. Arthur. Is Il your
love or your reason prompts you to marry
me? Arthur-Just you like, dearest
Blaetter.
you never read the weather predic-
tons?' Nope" answered Farmer Corn
tosseI 81 skip 'efn for two reasons. One
is that there's no use 'worryin' about
that you never can rely on a prophecy
till after it's come true, an then It's too
late to make any difference. "-Washing-
ton Star.