The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-26
DRIFTWOOD

At a recent police captains' dinner the piece de resistance was naturally "club" sandwich A fresh young man at a party in Montgomery last night told a pretty little blonde whom he had just met that he would like to see her home. She looked at him some several degrees cooler than a refrigerator and replied. that if he would like to see her home 1t was at the corner of Lemon Street and Skidoo Avenue. Then the young man made a noise like a craw-fish. Al Kansas man says that fish may be | made the most obedient of pets. If to bite at our hook every time we cast it In the creek we would be very much obliged for the information. to the man who smokes nothing but pipe unbraiding the one who smokes nothing but a cigarette. We'll just bet the hole in a joughnut that there isn't 6 bald-headed man liv- ing who hasn't at some time or other secretly tried hair restorer. to a letter because she Is bound to have the last word even if she has to write 1t.
 
 off the back of mirror and ate It. Then the mercury immediately went down.
 apply for divorce because she found a hairpin in the coat pocket of her hus-' band. She should not be too nasty; he might have been merely trying to initiate her example by bringing the, noble hairpin into use for several diff ferent purposes
 A spring poet sends us a contribu tion entitled why Do Live?" After pursuing his lines most carefully we. must answer we will give 1t up.
 Theophratus called feminine beauty "silent cheat" Theo missed it, slightly. Feminine beauty Is ofttimes' a cheat but seldom silent. An Iowa mother has cured her young hopeful of smoking by the laying oh of hands" Farmers sometimes cure lazy hired help by the laying off of, hands.
 "Early to bed early to rise" doesn't mean going to bed early In the morn ing as some young Montgomery sports seem to interpret it.
 The post of duty-mailing a letter for your wife.
 
 would blush for shame and take in | his sign after reading some of these hand books advertising winter and summer resorts.
 "As whirling we go through the mystic
 Of the dance he declared, "Aint it. sweet?"
 Its sweet all right" said the maid
 When you don't step on my feet" The Chicago club women have de- | clared war on the Payne tariff on | stockings. No wonder: the stocking | item is a big one to them. + .: A lecturer before the medical society, | of New York declares that Americans have too many baths. Fortunate for the learned gent that he has come in contact only with that particular class. A retired British admiral says Amer lea is opposed to psychical research and unkind to spirits. The gentleman | Is hereby advised to read the Payne tariff bill in regard to the latter state ment &
 Even though it is going out of date the Teddy Bear now and then has its usefulness. A little girl fell out of car window the other day and her Teddy Bear acted as an ameliorating cushion thus saving her from hard con | tact with the eaTt1- <AAdsg creed that the "ameliorating cushion" he removed from the skirts of grown ups this season. and there has probably ning off a street car backwards, etc. when 1t would have come in very handy
 + | T., The Sprtnx-tinae, Gentle Annie. No flowers bloom along the way No bees buzz round the hive. No song bird warbles it's sweet lay
 To make you feel alive. haven't changed my underwear. need no palm leaf fan. No Ice cold drinks when the suns glare Begets the summer tan.
 The flowers haven't walked up yet
 From their warm winter beds, The little sleepy violets l still hide their drowsy heads. But the base ball players waking up A holy sight to see,
 And kicks like-well-l nate to tell p. H. A.