The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1909-04-17
HAVE YOU TRIED AMMO M0NIA?
Story Born in Washington Travels
Round the World.


This is the true story OF a story that
will not down. It had its beginning more
than seventeen years ago. and 20 all in-
tents and purposes 1t is as fresh today as
1t ever was.
In 1891 was a reporter on a Washing
ton evening paper. On a day in October
of that year during an unusually heavy
wind and rainstOrm that swept over the
city really a hurricane. a large building
on + street that was being erected for q
music hall was blown down and several
persons were either killed or injured. In
very few minutes | was on the spot
watching the police and firemen in the
work of removing the debris and reseuing
the victims / must have sat down upon
green wall. for on my way home from
the office that afternoon a friend called
my attention to the fact that the rear Of
my trouserss was badly marked with plas-
ter.
Now I was particularly pleased with
that pair Of trousers, for they had but re-
Gently been made for me by a New York
tailor, and we're the most costly raj
ment" that I had ever INDUCED in. SO
that evening 1 left word that when John
Quander. a colored haudy-man, came in
the morning to black the boots and Incl
dentallY to rouse me for my days toll. he
was to give that garment very thorough
cleaning.
The next morning when John had
of time, the following conversation en-
sued:
Deed sir 1 can't get them pants
cleaned nohow. I done bresh 'em. n use
a vet rag, N soap N water, but I can't
get 'em clean nohow."
John, have you tried ammonia?'
mo. sir. haven't; but l know they'd
fit me first rate
Now l thought then and still think that
that was the best pun in the English
1ayn liz -
was so thoroughly innocent. / sent the
story with suggestion for an illustration
to a leading New York weekly. I received
no reply; but few weeks later the story,
with an Illustration such as 1 had out
lined. did appear in another well known
periodical. ! presume that some friend
who had heard me tell it had forestalled
me, and had reaped the reward 1 had
thought was mine.
However that may be, that story is still
going the rounds Of the press and crop
ping up as brand new story with re-
markable regularity. a few years ago,
when / was in Florida, I saw the story
in Philadelphia paper ascribed to Repre-
sentative John Sharp Williams. Again I
saw 1t in n Chicago daily credited to the
son of famous Milwaukee brewer who
had q valet. That was the only differ
ence. 1t has happened at intervals In
New York, usually laid Al the doors Of
some well known visitor at a prominent
up town hotel. It has come to be part
or the, stock in trade of many professional
who. when short of fresh
material. ring it in in their Hotel Cor
ridors' column as told by some illustri-
Gus guest at leading hotel.
And so It goes.
Some fifteen years ago a Washington
lady told the story at a luncheon. only
she finished it up something like this:
John. have you tried cheanolioY'
No. sir, haven't; but know they'd
III me first rate"
And she wondered why II fell so flat
for she had heard it told by Elinor Nc
Cartney Lane. the novelist and play
wright, and always with great success.
two after 1t occurred and for more
than seventeen years now it has occupied
a prominent place in her repertoire. 1t is
the only old story she tells.
In the spring of 1907 | was at the Grand
canyon in Arizona, and there met very
brilliant young woman from Los Angeles
who was one of the best story tellers |
have ever known We swapped yarns to
bur mutual satisfaction, but saved mine
,wn' for the last and best. Finale
'prang it in what thought was NV yert
best style, but there was nothing doing
m despair | repeated II, accenting the
'oint. Thus Have you tried ammonia
have you tried EN- on you. See?''
With a wlstful look across the great
;hasm she merely said:
Please do not ask me to laugh at that
tory. | had to laugh at 1t at seven din
lei. parties in San Francisco last winter
md each time the teller insisted 1t had
to him
This summer. wnen I was in New Eng
and. this same young woman sent me !
n August number of q popular magazine /
\ which my story again saw the light |
f day.
Last winter my brother was at din
er given by the Mems society of the 4
'hurch of the Covenant. which In years
one by has sometimes been known as
he Church of the Government" A gen
leman sitting at his right told him that I
elfsame story as having happened to .
i'm. and a few minutes later one of the 4
hief speakers of the evening Incorporated /
in his address as a personal expert
nee.
I have never seen the story I'm London
lunch. but / am sure that by the time
has reached its majority, four years
ence, the editors will have appreciated
s merits, and that shall have the
leasure of seeing It in American papers
eproduced with due credit from that
anlous English weekly. Only am afraid Il
ney will substitute methylated spirits for |
Now what I want to know is this: VIII 7.
ny one now believe that this is really 4
~ story. and that it actually happened
} me ABOUT 1:15 o'clock ON the morning 4
+ Nov. "a. 1891
In conclusion let me say that | have l
cased telling the story.