The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-28

Well, sir" said Mr.. Dooley, L sup
pose me an WiIlum Taft can take a
chance now an speak iv me frind
Tiddy Rosenfett as ex-prisidfnt. We
wudden't do it befure today, a if we
were Twin in Mombassy we wuddent
do it at all. But it looks all right
with that much wather between him
an US.
Yes, sir, now that he's safe on tn
ocean an we're safe firm him on land
Willum Taft can settle down to tn
regular business ~ a new administhra-
ton, which is to fire out anything OF
anybody left over be tn previous ad-
ministhra ton. If ye want to hire an
ex-governor iv New Mexico or an ex-
supreme coort justice iv Aryzony as a
cow-p uncher, We won't have amy
throuble afther next week. 1 see that
tn statesman who armed an import
ant joodicyal Office in Oklyhomy be
chokin' a wolf to death with his own
slender hands has been superseded by
a moliycoddle who has niver done an
nything more notable thin chokin'
Dimmycratic voters at tn polls
9TH new prisidint is determined not
to be made gloomy be havin' amy
thing around him that viii remind him
iv tn happy days that are no more.
Not wishing to be saddened be re-
minders ~ tn time whfn he had to
read aloud firm tn wuTruks w Jacob
liz
rassled with tn Horrible Turk, his
first officyal act was to hurl a marble
bust " Albert Shaw at tn head iv
Albert J. Beverage, who was comm
acrost tn lawn at tn moment. He
has caused an ordher to. be issued fr
tn arrest iv amy prizefighter, rough
rider, wolf hunter, fly caster, bad man.
tennis champeen or amy publisher
or iditor iv amy pa-aper issued less
| often thin wanst a day, or amy socy-
| ologist. or amy author or person pre-
| tindin' to be such found ioiterin
around tn grounds about dinner time.
/ Autographed photographs can be had
| cheap be application to tn janitor at
| his office in tn back yard ~ tn fol-
Iowin' well known ciilybryties: JaWn
l. Sullivan, Robert Fitzsimmons.
Charles Kid Mccoy, Impror Willum
an Silas McBee. Also bound volumes
| Nv each days SUCCESSFUL author FIR tn
! last swim years, includin' such stand
ard wurruk as The Rough Riders,
| be Augustus McGoo; Days an Nights
I Ia ANONYMOUS
nywan, an Firm Wash'nton to Ro-
| senfelt; or tn Great Divide be Pro
! fssor Lem Higgins iv tn University Nv
/ Poggsville; also tn complete wurTuks
| iv Thaydoor Rosenfelt (97 vols. moroc-
COZ; also tn letters an messages w
/ bound in old burlap). Also a fine col
| lection iy moose heads, bearskins,
stuffed crocodfles, snakes, wild cats,
etcethry, etcethry. A handsome por-
/ thrait iv tn ex-prisidint has been stint
to tn woodshed fr repairs. a visitor at
tn White house connected with a
| large bankin' house in New York hav-
in accidentally kicked a hole in it.
well, sir, like all me fellow citizens,
I wish success to this new admins
| thration an, also, small harm to US
] firm Il. I like this last wish best It's
more firm tn heart, an anyhow, tn
/ administration is sure to be a Sue
/ cess. How can Il fail, whin It will be
run be Dimmycrats? It's so. What
are tn most important functions iv
! governmint? I'll ask We. Aren't they
/ tn control iv tn cash dhrawer an
tn command iv tn polls foorce? Well,
they are. An both iv thin magnifi-
cent jobs have gone to old war horses
| iv tn Dimocracy- We've waited man.
ny years FIR this proud an happy day.
FIR fifty years we've thried to get
/ Dimmycrats into office. We thried it
be ilictin' a Republican, an that was
no good. We thried it be ilictin' a
Dimmycrat, an he didn't help it. We
thried It be passin' civil service ex-
aminations on'y to find as soon as we
get tn job we become Republicans.
1t was left f'r Bill Taft to reward tn
ilety Nv our grand old party. This
here ADMINISTRATION says he, will be
| conducted on no partisan or sectional
| lines says he. I will Jine with me
in tn governmint Nv our common
country says he, representative MINI
bers Nv that party that has done more
thin amy other agency to make tn
| Republican party what he says, an
where it is he says.
An he stint to our fair city, Hinnessy.
/ f'T tn heroes to do tn wurruk. In
maxim his first selection his nachral
4 choice fell on tn name that has long
I stood at tn head Nv tn embattled DIM
/ mycrats " Illinye. 1 need not tell ye
/ that I refer to Jacob Dickinson, If ]
\ have tn name right. Since Stephen A.
/ Douglas day tn sturdy but sparsely
/ settled Dimmocracy ~ Illinye have
/ had no such revered leader as Jakey
L Dickinson. His cosy little Office in tn
II IIlinye Cinthral buildin' was tn shrine
/ Nv Dimn1ycrats often have / seen old,
1 battle-scarred Dimmycrats firm Win
/ nybago county, who voted tn ticket
. whin it was punishable with death or
II Imprisonment fr life, at tn dlscree-