Morris tribune., 1909-10-02

Upon his great journey,
And speech from the rear
To U. S. attorney.
They feared he was spent,
But he proved great slayer,
And the next stop he talked
To customs surveyor.
They begged him desist,
But he answered them 'Fudge!"
And at was addressing
A federal Judge.
Refreshed by some tea
And couple of crulls,
He addressed an inspector
Of boilers and hulls.
Then on and still on
The swift special ran,
And he piled out and spoke
To revenue man.
Then no! for the night.
Without station or steeple,
And he hit the hay saying,
ssHurrah for the people!'
October is from the Latin octo,
meaning eight. That is, it is about
eight times as pleasant as any other
month in the year, and the Romans
took this means of saying SO. They
were very fond of cracking, and
about hog-killing time Lucullus gave
a cracking banquet at the Auditorium
which made everybody's mouth water
a month before it came off. Caesar
said that cracklings made Rome the
mistress of the world, and it was not
until her soldiers began eating spag-
hetti and vermicelli that the Empire
began to decay.
The hunting season will resume up
on the ripping lake, and the hunter
will get out his gun and hide in the
brake; the festive duck will fly about
ard in the smoke and din a loaded
pellet now then will penetrate his
skin, until the quarry's gravity is over
come with shot, and the sportsman
nearest when he falls will clap him
in the pot.
The cider press will creak and
wheeze and the sorghum pot will boil;
the wind will whistle through the
trees, and the frog will bore for oil;
the haze of Fall will veil the sun, the
days grow soft and short, the nimble
colt will jump and run, the lambkin
will cavort, the air will smell of smok-
ing hams and applebutter butts, and
the poor consumer will renew his
strength with hazelnuts.
The Cookite and the Pearyite
Will pull each others nose,
And both explorers will line up
Their trusty Eskimos.
The scientists will bite and scratch,
Deciding which was prior,
And We'll have to send for Roose-
welt
To find out who's liar.
It does seem terrible that he who
always knows who's lying should be
away in Africa when all of us are dy-
ing to know the truth. A word from
him would quickly satisfy us which
one of them perhaps deserves the
brand of Anar las. A fig for all the
specimens he is accumulating-he
ought to be here on the job and duly
separating the double -tongued ones
from the rest and Illuminating thunder
as once he did lest we shall make a
very stupid blunder.
. However, let us all rejoice and give
thanks in some manner that both men
found the pole beneath our own i'm
mortal banner, and that deciding
which one wins is wholly our own do
ing, with nothing international un-
fortunately brewing. 1t makes one
shudder just to think if Pearv, say,
had found it and having marked it
with the flag and done dance around
it, he should return in triumph here to
banquet and review it, and some dang
foreigner popped up and claimed he'd
beat us to it.
We'd have to take it to The Hague,
And failing to agree,
We'd have to go in battleships
And litter up the sea
With one another's property,
And dye it with our blood
In mortal combat till the one
Or others name was Mud
But nothing of that sort impends,