The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-01-19
The RoIlickers, with Good
Chorus and High-cIass Bur-
lesque at Empire.
But Kerflop! See the Cop Stop
the Fall Off Singers Top at
the Columbia.
"The Millionaire and the Police
mans Wife, in Four Spasms
and Fifteen Commissions.

"The Millionaire and the Foliceman's
wife"-yes, yes, Kremer wrote it's at
the Columbia this week. 1t might have
been called the millionaire and the po-
liceman, out that wouldn't supply much
~contrast-it all happens in New York,
you know. And Kremer Is great on con-
trasts. All his shows are contrasts
between real life and the kind that ex-
lists in the silvery threads at the end
of a cigarette.
The millionaire-Gould's his name
falls in love with the policeman's wife,
whom he meets in Battery Park, where
she has gone to see the animals In the
Bronx Zoo. His rustic methods of iur-
ing her to his side consist of:
Throwing her on the Subway
tracks.
Out of the Singer building.
S-Of an elevated station.
EInto the North river.
b-Slugging her with q slungshot.
6-Doping her in an opium den.
Having her arrested.
Stalking her to Hoboken.
She survives the last ordeal, and the
crowd sits back contented. Now they
know that she can survive anything
and right will conquer.
But the Idea of writing of this show
in prose! 1t should be written in linz
pid ianbics, s-weet-scented dithyrambs
and soulful dactyls-whatever they az.
So here goes:
Coises on the millionaire, he sees the
copper's bride. by gad,' SAYS he,
shell come to me-" She doesn't THAT S
aside). He really makes a stubborn
fight, his efforts ne'er relax, through
fifteen bloody, CORY scenes and four big
curdling acts.
Now, policemen may be crooked. No
doubt that some are so, but the morals
of our hero and his wife are white as
snow. He really is an honest man, no
lust has he for pelf. How do we know?
He tells us so. He tells us so himself.
Herbert Gould; the villain, .swears to
win the beauteous dame, so he gets him
an accomplice-Katy Dexter is her
name Now. Herbert is rea! wicked in
his W peculiar state, but he really
is a dead n on the job, compared with
Kate.
Well. Herbert meets the copper's wife
one night in Battery Park. There is no
policeman on the ground; we said
twas after dark. "Give me a kiss
says he to her; You know we are
alone" "Oh, ~heavings, who will help
me?" shrieks the shero, with a moan
The villain laughs in fiendish glee. the
crowd begins to hiss; an ordinary poet
would be sure to ring in kiss
As Gould comes near, the maid
in fear, cries out: "Oh, who will
help muh, please?' 1t looks as though
there is no show. The girl drops ON her
knees. But, look who's here. The viii
lain shrinks. There is a joyous sob.
and the SIS juvenile hops right out on
the job. The villain has a knife and
gun, he could shoot our Mosey dead,
but he knows his cue and drops the two,
and runs away instead.
But the villain still pursues her, from
Subway to Singer top, closely fol-
lowed by the ingenue. the spotlight
and the cop.
He throws her from the fourteenth
floor; it's really fourteen feet. and
everybody in the house gets up from
out it's seat.
Does Mabel croak? Well, I don't
think. The juvenile is there. He
catches her a-coming down (we're
really stuck now. We could rhyme
hair with there" but lie doesn't
catch her by the hair. and it wouldn't
be fair. So there. All, ha, we put the
rhyme over anyhow.
Gould takes her to an opium joint.
n hides her down below. We kind
of think that it's the place where Kre-
mel doped the show. Our Mabel seems
to be In bad; oh, who will save the
maid? Why, easy. There's a bunch
of cops a-coming on a raid.
Then Katy tries to dope the girl. and
steal some papers, too. but it's time
that we were hearing from the pretty
ingenue, She gets there Just in time 70
save her friend from being killed.
Thank heavings. one is put away. the
v~illainess is stilled.
The villain gets it in the neck, his
cohorts fume and rage. and the janitor
sweeps up the shells that litter up the
stage. Each boy goes home that night.
and dreams how great to be a cop.
a~-catching women as they fall from on
the Singer top.
Owe just asked the managing editor
what would rhyme with top besides cop.
Chop" he suggested, surlily, The hint
is taken).