davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
Her Just Suspicious.

"Sence Prohibition broke out in Georgy
State," said the old lady, "Pd be suspi-
cious after the OF man ef he should come
home with big seal ring on his finger,
for I'd think it had some connection with
drammin', an that there was a secret
pipeline runnin' from it to some pocket
where he had a flask hid, an that you
Jest prest the button and the flask done
the rest
al thought it was bad enough when the
Of man wus carryin' book aroun' marked
New Testament an 10 an behol' it wuz
as holler on the inside as the Of mans
head is, with jest room enough fer flat
pint flask An what WIZ the wlist of it,
the pint flask wuz thar, an hit plumb full
"But now I'm a-comin to what wuz
wuss'n that; Deacon Jones spent the
night with us las Tuesday wuz week,
an after the supper was took away and
we wuz a settin' round the table-the Of
man smokin' an me knittin'-the deacon
lowed that he had ragin' headache.
Now, il so happened that once when the
OF man come home full, an ! had the
favorable opportunity to sarch his pockets.
foun' purity big box with label on it,
sayin' thar WIZ Headache Pills inside.
"Well, put it in the medicine chist an
fergot all about it till then, when gets it
out, an tells the deacon bout it. 'Pll
jesttry one O. them pills, he says, 'mebbe
it'll ease the pain AS the deacon took
the box in his han noticed that the OF
man looked mighty intelligent an said !:
as he had the misery in his head, he'd
just try the rimedy himsf.'
can now Pm a-comin' to the story
both him an the deacon took one apiece:
then the deacon said that the one he took
had only eased one side O his head, an
he reckoned he'd take another. Same
here said the OF man; an down went
two more pills. They're mighty big
ones,' says the deacon, an they bust in
yer mouth an slide down your throat like
tha WIZ greasedp They do says the
OF man-swallerin' two more-'that's S
the beauty of EN-
"Well, in less time than il takes to tell,
the deacon riz up an hit the table with
his fist, sayin' that he wuz better man
than the preacher; the old man knocked
the lamp over an said he wuz better
man than the deacon, an to my everlas-
tin horror, both of them started fer the
front yard to settle the difference Of opin-
ion. You see it now, don't you? Them
pills was nothin more ne'r less than
what you might call concentrated liquor
in disguise To prove it to my own
satisfaction, took one OF 'em myself, an
in less'n two minutes had holt O. the
broomstck beatin, both the deacon an
my Of man After that experience | Sot
down with my hands crossed in my lap,
wonderin' what on airth wuz -a-comin' TO
the country through the Vaccinations of
Satan, an the work of evil SperretS, by
the pint or Pill."-Frank L. Stanton, in
Uncle Remus s's-The Home Magazine
for April.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
How She Was Related.

"You say, madam" said the bespecta-
cled lawyer to the woman in the witness
box. "that the defendant is sort OF re-
lation of yours. Will you please explain
what you mean by that-iust how you are
related to the defendant 2"
The witness beamed upon the court and
replied:
"Well, it's just like this: His first wlfe's S
cousin and my second husbands first
wife's aunt married brothers named Jones,
and they were cousins TO my mothers
aunt. Then, again, his grandfather on his
mothers side and my grandfather on my
mothers side were second cousins, and
his stepmother married my husbands
stepfather after his father and my mother
died, his brother Joe and my husbands
brother married twin sisters. ART
never figgered out just how close related
we are, but I've always looked on him as
a sort OF cousin" }"
"Ouite So" answered the lawyer.
"Your explanations are perfectly salts
factory"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

DR.. p. S. Henson once delivered his
lecture on Fools" at the New York
chautauqua. In introducing him Bishop
Vincent said
Ladies and gentlemen, we are now TO
listen1o a lecture on Fools by one" the
audience broke into roar Of laughter, and
after il had died away Bishop Vincent
added "of the most brilliant men In
America"
DR.. Henson rose and, with genial
smile, said, Ladies and gentlemen, am
not so great fool as Bishop Vincent"
Canother roar Of laughter, after which the
speaker added "would have you be-
lieye."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
WHAT TO TALK.

Talk happiness: the world is sad enough
Without your woes No path is wholly rough;
Look for the places that are smooth and clear.
And speak OF those. TO rest the weary ear
OF earth. so hurt by one continued STRAIN
OF human discomfort and grief and pain.
Talk faith the world is better off without
Your uttered ignorance and morbid doubt
n you have faith in God or man. or sell,
Say so il not push back upon the shell
or silence all your thoughts till faith shall come.
No one will grieye because your lips are dumb.
Talk health the dreary never-changing tale
OF fatal maladies is worn and stale:
BY counting up the symptoms OF disease
You cannot charm or interest or please
Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words and make them true
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
Excursion Rates to be Granted.

II is said that Fourth OF July, Decoration
day, and in fact all holiday rates will be
given the coming season, as in former
years, by all roads. The Central passen-
ger association will hold their rate meet
ing during the early part Of May, at which
time final details will be arranged for the
coming holiday rates. Strong opposition
has developed among some of the officials
of the larger roads, but il is believed that
il will not be strong enongh TO prevent
the granting OF these rates. As is known,
since the two-cent fare law has gone into
effect all railroads have complained about
the low fares. The national conventions,
which will be held in various parts OF the
country, will be given special rates, as
heretofore.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
Can Now Eat ANYTHING.

Mr.. J. w. Pritchard, Columbia CITY,
Ind, writes: I am pleased TO say that
| have been cured of caLsrrh of The
stomach by Peruna.
II could hardly eat anything that
agreed with me. Before ! would get
half through my meal my stomach
would I'll with gas, causing 20 much
distress and unpleasant feelings for an
hour or two after each meal.
"But, thanks TO your Peruna, ! am
now completely cured, and can eat any
thing want 10 without any OF the dis
tressing symptoms. 1 can now enjoy
nv meals as I used 10 do, and it is all
due 10 DR.. Hartman and his wonderful
medicine, Peruna.
"It has been one year since J was
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

An American travelling abroad was
sightseeing, and every place the guide
took him he always had something to tell
of in the United States which was much
better and greater. The guide, being
disgusted, took him TO see Mt. Vesuyius
and said
"Can you beat that 2"
The American looked al il moment
and replied:
"Well, we have Niagara Falls which
if brought over here would putthe darned
thing out in five minutes"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
Rev. 1. w. wlIIiamson's Letter.

Rev. I. w. Williamson, Huntington, w.
Va, writes: This is to certify that used
Foley's Kidney Remedy for nervous ex-
haustion and kidney trouble and am free
10 say that If will do all that you claim for
IT," Foley's Kidney Remedy has restored
health and strength TO thousands ofweak,
run down people. Contains no harmful
drugs and is pleasant to take. Hills
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Physical culture, father, is perfectly
lovely exclaimed an enthusiastic young
miss just home from college. "Lookl
To develop the arms grasp this rod by
one end and move il slowly from right to
left"
"Well, wellp exclaimed the father
"what won't science discoverl II tina;
rod had straw at the other end you'd be
sweeping"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Mr.. Lewis Zim, editor and proprietor
OF "St. Augustine Meteor" writes;
"Any man I'm public work finds nc
times that no Is under a peculiar nerve
strata. / found that with it Iiosf my
appetite. and my brain seemed 10 work
increasingly during waking and sleep
ing hours, so was tired and worn out
In tho morning.
"Tonics and invigorators were sug-
gested and tried. but nothing was Of bon.
eft 10 me but Poruna. That is ccr-
tainly n remarkable medicine. was
restored IN threo weeks 60 my norm nj
healthy ycondItion, my appetite return ID
and my sleep was refreshing"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

A woman who visited the British Mu-
scum recently inquired Of an attendant:
"Have you no skull Of Cromwell 2 have
been looking for a skull Of Oliver Crom-
we'll"
mo, madam" replied the attendant.
"We've never had one"
"How very odd" she exclaimed.
"They have a fine one In the museum at
Oxford u
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

We congratulate the Shepherdstown
Register on IFS appearance in its new dress
an Easter outfit, we may call Il, II Is
the "Paul Revere" style of type and is
very pretty. The Register Is one OF the
best weekly papers In the State and is
making strong fight for the cause Of
temperance-Morgan Messenger
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
A ScaIded Bows Shrieks

Mortified his grandmother, Mrs. Maria
Taylor, of Nebo, KY, who writes that,
when all thought he would die, Bucklen's
Amica Salve wholly cured him. lnfalli-
BILE for Burns, Scalds, Cuts, Coms,
Wounds, Bruises. Cures Fever-Sores,
Boils, Skin Eruptions, Chilblains, Chap
ped Hands, soon routs Piles. &c al
Hills Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Mr.. Jones had recently become the
father of twins. The minister stopped
him on the street TO congratulate him.
"Well, Jones" he said, 81 hear that
the Lord has smiled on you"
"Smiled on me r. replied Jones. "de
laughed out loud at mel"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Said He-"If were TO ask you your
age would you give me a truthful answer"
Said She-"Indeed would.,'
Said He-"WelI, how old arc your"
Said She-"None Of your business
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Hoarseness, bronchitis and other throat
troubles are quickly cured by FoIey's
Honey and Tar as il soothes and heals fhe
infIamed throat and bronchial tubes and
the most obstinate cough disappears. In
sist upon having the genuine foley's
Honey and Tar. HiIl's Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Fool woke up last night with a start
| dreamed that my watch was gone.
Drool-Well, was il?
Fool-No; but il was going.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Kubby-Whatl You paid $50 for that
Easter hat? It's monstrous-it's sinl
Wife (sweehy)-No matter the sin viii
be on my own headl
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
A Card.

This is to certify that all druggists are
authorized to refund your money II Foley S
Honey and Tar fails TO cure your cough
,or cold. II stops the cough, heals the
lungs and prevents pneumonia and Con-
SUMPTION. Contains no opIateS. Inc
genuine IS in a yellow package. Hills
Pharmacy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

"Oh, Freddie, don't you think you've
had enough ice cream 2" said Aunt Mary,
after helping him second time.
Nom; ! don't feel sick yet"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

Brown-What did your wife say about
your being so late home the other night ?
Jones-Nothing at all. She just sat
down at The piano and played Tel me
the old, old story"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
Chronic Catarrt, and Throat TroubIe.

and Throat Trouble.
when twas quite done with bad cold
hardly perform ordinary the Pcuna
lama inc health.
quite that 1t has helped from chronic caah to
(wh hIams subJe also benefited my throat.
the best alround medicine 1t has been
Hutchinson Montpelier, VT
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06

''How old is Ethel ?v
"She was Il her last three birthdays"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1909-05-06
a Nervous Breakdown.

cured. and am all o. X. yet, so isno,
I am cured "
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
VINITA LOOKS GOOD TO
A RETURNED CITIZEN

4 am mighty glad 10 get back
home to yin.sa. was the expression
with which W. b. Depue met a rep
resentative Of the chieftain this morn
ing when asked how be enjoyed his
recent visit in Washington City. Con
tinuing Mr. DePue said. Il heard
many comments in the east on the
general stagnation Of business that
has existed for the past year or more.
but everyone with whom ] talked ap-
peared confident of a speedy return
to prosperity after the present tariff
agitation Is over and the schedule re-
adjusted But" he said. ii looks
to me like prosperity has already
struck Ninita On my return yester.
day counted twenty-eight farmers
wagons on the street between the
Frisco depot and the court house(
distance OF less than two blocks.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
FINDS HIS OCCUPATION CONE
Rag Mans Business Has Dn1ncled /.
Vanishing Point.

Rags bones. old iron is cry
not nearly 50 familiar to the children
of today as to those 0f tie SOS. For
the ragman. like fne chimney sweep
and the sun dial maker. Is becoming
extinct His used 10 be a profitable
trade. The wooIen rags he bought
turned into shoddy. brought thrice
their cost 50 did the bones. which
were ground up Tor fertilizer SO did
the iron. which. melted. lived again.
Many millionaire manufacturing fam
lies had their beginning In a long
beaded ragman He first ground his
rags into shoddy Then he spun the
gh0ddy into thread Then. 4 fun
hedged miliman. be w0ve the thread
into cloth. But the municipalities of
to-day contract with single firms for
the disposal of their peoples refuse
and the old ragman IS disappearing
because there is 50 little for him.
For-and this is the great secret
while the ragTnan made grand profit
on what he bought If was on the
refuse given him that be really thr0ve.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
BALL TEAM FOR VINITA
IS NOW ALMOST ASSURED

The boys are meeting with more
and better success in their
efforts % raise money for the sup
.port Of an amateuer base bail team in
Yinita than they At FIRST anticipated
Already more than one hundred and
fifty dollars have been subscribed and
the greater part paid. in cash. II is
believed enough more win be secured
within the next few days TO assure the
successful carrying out Of plans for
the organization and equipment Of the
team Following Is a list of donations
reported since the last issue Of the
chieftain Sam X. Frazee. 81: First
State bank s.. , H. Butler. S.: w. p.
Thompson. s.. Peoples Grocery store,
81; Cash Wilkerson. s.. Marshall
Stevens and s. r Parks, $3.50 each:
r. } Overley g. a. Martin. p. ".
Bonfoey Lee Webb. John Britt. Chas.
Hartman. T G. Holland. Frank VIII.
iiams, Garrett q Rubottom, and L. d.
Dalquest s. each. chas Gibson, Heb
er Skinner, Sam Cobb. c. II. Reide-
man, Or. Louis Bagby. 0. d. Neville.
James S Davenport. Robert p Iron
sides. L. F. Parker. w NJ. simms. Geo
Martin, Arthur Beeman. Joe P. Scott,
s. W Hopton, 81 each. Harry swartz.
$3.50 G. J Elliott. 50 cents.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
Where Noise Is sslable.

You know. of course. said watch
factory foreman. how Lynn captured
the African shoe making shoes
that sgueaked loudly. The native con
siders the discomfort and expense Of
American shoes quite futile If they
don't squeak as he walks. ike an lil-
creased cart wheel We have now
hogged the African cheap watch trade
BY turning out a good dollar watch
that ticks Ike boiler factory. You
could hear this tick through a feather
mattress. In fact. natives wearing
our watches tick audibly. As they
swagger along. their American shoes
squeakIng and their American watches
ticking they give out as much noise
as brass band
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
A TRAP foR eAvEsORoppeRs.
r5'e Device Well Calculated to In
sure Privacy.

Tae eavesdropper. ere applying his
ar applied his eve Through the
keyaole another eye looked colby into
his lie started back, pale with fright.
He uptoed on hurriedly. I'll lose my
job. he muttered.
Meanwhile his mistress. the widow.
sat with the young and gallant cap
tain In the room from whose door the
eavesdropper had retreated. A ciga-
rette smoldered between her slim I'm
gers and her dimpled elbows were
on the table, among the litter OF
foie gras sandwiches. cold partridge
and champagne.
The young captain pointed to the
door. A hand mirror. its silyer-gilt
back towards him. hung from the
door knob.
Why did you put that therey''
he asked.
n is trap for. peppers. replied
the widow. Suppose my butler or
cook stole TO the door and put his
eye to the keyhole. His eye would
meet another eye. Believing himself
discovered, he would trot silently
away"
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

There is certain youth who recent
y became engaged TO a very sweet
young girl. who. for all her sweetness
is well supplied with spirit. This youth
evidently thought he had the entire
game neatly printed in book, and de
termined 10 head OF the usual Am
] the only girl?" etc. queries, for. tax
ing her in his arms. he said. gently but
firmly
Now, sweetheart. I might as well
tell you at the start-you are not the
only girl have ever kissed.
Well maybe not she retorted.
but you still have much TO learn
about it"-Harper's Weekly.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

The democrats OF the third ward
at its meeting last night baked at
the suggestion Of the Endorsement Of
the present city administration. This
OF course was intended for a rebuke
to the men who have taken Yinita out
Of the village class and made II one
Of the most prosperous cities in ok.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

A non partisan school board has so
many things TO commend 1t that Il
need not be discussed. The Chieftain
hardly comedies that the men who op.
posed it represent the democratic
party Of vinita
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

Col. Roosevelt shows his newspaper
instinct when he refuses to talk about
his hunting trip In advance. The
value Of scoop Is fully appreciated
by the colonel.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

Paul r Mackey has announced him.
self candidate for the Office Of 20
lice judge. Mr.. Mackey is a good
lawyer and viii make a strong race
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
- go commIaalaner

J. II Mounts authorizes the an
nouncement that be IL a candidate
for Street Commissioner. subject 10
the republican primary
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

The Chieftain ia authorized 70 an
nognce ]. A Hahoney a. 4 candidate
for city treasurer Of Vinita subject
to the democratic primary
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

I hereby announce myself a candi-
date for the Office Of City Clerk Of
the city of ylnita. subject to the ac.
ton Of the democratic voters at the
primary election 10 be held April G.
WILL u. SPYREs.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
For PoIlce Iudae.

John ". byrd Announces himself
candidate for the Office of Judge of the
Police Court 81 Vinita. subject 10 the
democratic primary
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
FOR cit, Attorney.

am a candidate for the Office of
City Attorney subject 70 action Of the
democratic primary to be held April
gth, 1909. HARRY swARTg.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
For cllr cIerk.

desire 70 announce myself can
didate for the Office OF City Clerk. sub
lect 70 the democratic primary
A. J GREEN.
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

The Chleftaiu is authorized to an.
nounee =. J. Hobby as q candidate for
city Attorney subject to the action
of the democratic primary to be held
on the 9Th day Of April
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25
NOTICE.

Every man and woman that will
call and register at my place Of bust
ness between now and three o'clock.
April3. will receive free Of change, a
chance on ] New Improved High
Grade Goodrich Sewing Machine.
Somebody viii get this fine sewing
machine free Of charge F. N. LEWIS
The Vinita daily chieftain. [volume] (Vinita, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1902-1913, 1909-03-25

announce myself as candidate
for Police Judge. subject 70 the fepgb-
lIcan primary o ID. NEVILLE.