Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-05-14


They creak something awful" 81 know
you did, James. But their isn't drop
of castor oil in the house.
O.
The new teacher had just taken charge
of the school and was learning the names
OF the pupils. The first one she asked
said his name was julie. The teacher
trying to reprove the boy said: That's
not proper. Your name is julius" The
next boy she asked was named Bill, and
thinking he could please her said; "My
name is Bilious"
Between emotionalism and Journalism
in religion" says a Washington clergy
man to Harper's Weekly, there is a
golden mean-a reflection that came to
me recently upon the conclusion of my
remarks to cOlOred congregation In
Richmond.
81 had invited an aged deacon to offer
prayer. %, Lord prayed he, 'gib dis
pore boulder de eye of de eagle, dat he
spy out sin afar off. Glue mis- hands TO
de Gospel plow. Tie his tongue to de
line of truf. Nail his yere to de Gospel
pole. Bow his head way down between
his knees. o Lord, an fix his knees way
down in some lonesome, dark and narrer
valley, where prayer is much wanted to
be made. Noint him wifi de kerosene OF
On, cor him on firpp ~
The cOlored parson had just concluded
a powerful sermon on salvation Am
Free" and was announcing that cOllec-
tion would be taken for the benefit of
the parson and his family. Up jumped
an acutely brunette brother in the back
of the church.
"Look a-year, pahson," he interrupted,
"ye' amt no sooner done tellin us dat
salvation am free dan yO' go askln' us
TO- money. If salvation am free, what's
de use in payin' fo' it? OATS what L want
to know. An tell yo' p'intedly dat l
amt goin' to glib yo' nothin' until find
out. Now"
Patience, brudder, patience" said the
parsOn. "PlI 'lucidate: S'pOse yo' was
thirsty an come to a river. YO' could
kneel right down an drink yO' fill, could
MT yo'? An it wouldn't cost yo' nothin',
would itP"
sob cOuse not OATS jest what /"
dat water would be free," continued
the parson. "s'posin' yo' was to hab Cat
water piped to yo' house? Yo' haye to
pay, wouldn't yO'r'
.Yas, sub, but"
"Wal, brudder, so it is wild salvation.
De salvation am free, but it's de havin'
it piped to yo' dat yo' got to pay fo'.
Pass de hat, deacon, pass de hat"
MANY stories have been told OF the
ludicrous mistakes of orators, Here is
one for which Governor Claude Swanson,
of Virginia, is responsible:
In small Virginia town a pompous
negro was delivering Fourth OF July
address to an audience of cOlOred folks.
He said:
"ldy colored fellow citizens: We have
occasion to be proud of the Fourth of
July. 1t was on the Fourth Of July, 1896
that Christopher Columbus landed on
Plymouth Rock and proclaimed freedom.
liberty and independence 80 all mankind.
And what was they doing down here in
Virginia at that time? They had their
feet on the black mans neck a-hOllerin',
Sick senter tyrannibus.'
"My colored fellow citizens, this is
great country. 1t is the proudest nation
the sun ever shine upon. But if these
Dimmercrats git into power here, they'll
do like they done in Rome. Look at
Rome. Once the proud master of the
land and the mistress of the sea, which
her once proud citizens, which was Cae-
sar, Olympus, Demosthenes, and others
too numerous to mention. Then these
Dimmercrats got into power here and
what is she today? Overrun by Greeks,
Canadians and other savages."
1t WAS lltble Et06I 5 uTSE WISH w ClluICH
and the sermon had for its text, ''As ye
SOW, so shall We reap" But on her re-
turn home she could not remember it,
and in consequence was chided by her
mother for being stupid.
A fortnight later a seamstress came to
the house to do days work. After
watching her for while fashion old
style garments into those that were the
vogue, Ethel suddenly exclaimed:
"Oh, mamma, know now what the
preacher said. 1t was, What you sew
in the winter you shall rip in the sum-
mer.'"
The way in which an Oklahoma editor
announced that his mother was coming to
visit him may seem trifie breezy, but 1t
is safe to say that there isn't mother
living who would not be glad to have her
advent hailed with such genuine delight
and pride. This is the way he spread the
tidings abroad.
"The editor of the News-Republican is
going to tog up little this evening. Go
ing to change collars and put on pair
"a ouffc If wa can find opv Co;pr fo