davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
a AMARRIED MANS REFLECTIONS
What He Has Noted of Things that
Women Say of Their Husbands.

FTum tic Chicago Journal
Although she knows perfectly vel thst
you can be the wooziest kind Of a sen
timentalist. even on occasions when you
are unfed. she viii persistently work in
that frszzled. moss-cove-sd promidiom.
The way TO q mans heart Hes through
BIS stomach" Let her. They'll die =
deprived Of their favorite wheezes, OF
which this is a sample.
She tells you that before you we're mar
ried you were only too eager 10 stoop
down and tie her shoe lace when II be-
came untied on the street Now. however,
you-er-you-Well. prisoner az the bar.
what have you 10 say 10 thar Guilty as
indicted. Remanded for sentence.
She IS fond Of quoting the somewhat
gUlpy. tremolo music observations OF the
emotional type CT famous men about how
much they owe OF their greatness" %
their mothers.
Beware this deadfal She wants you TO
pay little tribute 10 your mother so that
she can say, But, mercy sakes alive,
you don't call yourself great, do yous"
She insists upon telling you every word
Of what Mrs. Gitapp said. and what she
herself said IN reply, and you rest vour
book n your lap and pretend 70 be pro
foundiy immersed IN her somewhat piff7y
and pointless narrative.
But begin 10 tell her something IN which
you yourself are peculiarly interested and
observe how quickly she'll get into an
unhearing trance. OF stare out OF the win
dow, or start 10 play with the kitten, OF
something
She never fOrgets 70 remind you. par
ucularly when you're in bIithe chirpy
humOr. about how that glOOm-eating baId
spot OF yours seems 10 De spreading every
day But just you happen 10 mention
those teH-taIe h0Iows that are begin
ming 10 appear at the sides Of her chin.
ana see what happens. that's ali.
Merely mention. BY way Of making talk.
that her jUSt-departed caller appeared n
possess somewhat high-Ditchen. raucus
voice, and she'll instantly declare that its
a perfect shame and degredatiOn the uzy
you positively lOthe and deSpise all OF her
friends and that pretty soon tn get 50
that everybody I know VII be afraid 70
come near ne
Drop down town Just ore evening by-
yourself. and az breakfast the next morn
ing you'll have an even-money chance OF
hearing that old, old plant: 7 must be
becoming perfectly hiGeOus OF something
Tor you never take me anywhere any
more
She'll sit in a bad light uf an evening
and embrOider Z shirt waist until her ewes
are al but dropping out Of her head. But
ask her 10 sew q button on your psiamas
and she'll tel you that you Just must tr-
10 puii TIE buttons OF your garments
when you remove 81.
Ever notice how she positively delights
IN telling the prettiest women that como
70 your home how terrifcaIIy you snore?
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
what He said.

From Tit-Bits
Attorney-I insist on an answer 10 nv
question. You have not told me all the
conversation. 7 want 10 know every
thing that passed between you and Mr..
Gibson on the occasion TO which you
refer.
Reluctant witness-Tve told you every
thing Of any consequence.
You have told me what you said 10
him: Gibson. this case viii get into the
courts some day Now. I want 10 know
what he said in reply.
''Weil, he said: 'ChumIey. there isn't
anything n this business that I'm
ashamed OF. and IL any snoopin. little
hee-hawin. four-by-six. gimiet-eyed law
yer. with half q pound Of brains and six
teen pounds OF jaw, ever wants to know
what I've been talking 10 you about, you
can tell him the whole story.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
NEW EARTHQUAKE THEORY.
Director OF French Observatory Says
He Predicted Disaster.

Loudoa Daily Times.
N. FAbbe Ph. Moreux, the director OF
the Bourges Observatory. has contributed
10 the Paris Temps two articles in which
he establishes a new theory OF earth
auakes. verified. as he asserts. by the pre-
diction OF the present catastrophe which
he made in a French newspaper as far
back as August last
Briefly, he connects the seIsmolOgical
phenomenon with the activity OF the sun,
The whole history OF earthquakes. ne de-
elares. shows not only that they recur
in q certain periodical order but that
they also occur more frequently. and
with greater force. in the winter than
IN the sUmmer-more often In the night
than IN daytime. and in the morning than
in the evening. Besides. It is known that
the activity Of the sun reaches its mini
mum every eleventh year, and Il is OBJ
served that It is just about in such a
period that earthquakes become particu-
lariy frequent
In 1865 the suns activity was at its
maximum: but then il sank rapidly. Civ
ing rise 10 the earthquakes Of that year.
The suns activity viii continue TO de-
crease TIL 1872, IN which year earthquakes
are bound, IN consequence. to be very in
frequent The present earthquake 'fit'
viii last till the end Of 1853. since the di-
minutiOn OF the suns activity is particu-
larly acceltusted during the three years
Immediately following the maximum
The learned abbe also prop0Unds a
novel theory as 10 the localiZation Of
earthquakes and volcanic eruptions- Ac-
cOrding TO him. the earth, IN cooling
down. tends TO assume a pyramidicai
form, and Il is along the ridges that the
great depression known IN geography as
the Mediterranean depression, which
marks the dtslOcation between the
Northern and Southern parts Of the globe,
that the earth's crust is apt 10 crack and
70 present the least resistance 10 the
forces which produce seiSmological phe-
nomena-
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
eBig., Crawford. the Caddie.

From the London Tines
Frequenters Of the North Berwick links
and other golfers wiz regret to learn Of
the death OF the celebrated caddie. Harry
Crawford. known throughout the golf
ing world as Big Crawford. He was a
fine type Of the old-fashioned Scottish
caddie. whose species Is rapidly dwind-
ling.
The story has been told how. when he
was once carrying in an important
match, a person IN the crowd offended
Crawfords dignihed regard for the eti-
qUette OF the game by repeatedly cough
ing when 2 stroke was about TO be
played For q time the caddie said moth
ing. but az last he could tolerate the in
terruptions no longer. and the silence
that followed another outburst BY the Of
fender was broken by the voice OF Craw-
ford saying, Can anybody oblige that
gentleman VITA = 5Essbe?"
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
A Tale uf cae Love.

From Gmter's Magazine
Oliver Wendell Holmes once sent tuo
poeticaI letters TO the ''post-ofice' OF an
Episcopal fair in Pittsburg. Pa. In one
Of them the first stsnza was:
Fair lady. whOsoe'er thou art.
Turn this poor leaf with tenderest care
And hushi o. hush, Ny beating heart.
The one thou lowest VIII be there
Upon turning the poor lear there was
found q one-dOIlar bill, with some verses
beginning:
Fair lady. lift thine eyes and tell
IF this is not truthful letter;
This is the one {Sl) thou lowest well.
And naught (0 can make thee love It
better. (s10l
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
Fully Occupied.

Prom Judge
Years ago q Northern visitor was TalE-s
ing along the street in Jacksonville When
he espied a snaH darl1y sitting in tbs.
sun brushing flies of OF himself
Well Rastus." the visitor said. pIus--
ing to address the youth. do YOU maR-'
age 10 keep busy these days.
''Yas. sub" returned the boy.
Very busv2" Cueried the visitor in an
uhbeiieving tone Of voice
"All the tine. sub. said the boy
at It nowg" grinned the visitor
"Yassuh." said the boy
What is your business-shooing hlesTs
asked the visitor.
NO. sub. Afy business Is jest grOwinis
sun, explained the youth.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
IHE SULTANS PECULIARITIEs
breads Coming of Night as He Suf-
fers from Insomnia.
Fr0n the san Frz1rizc, Ct-1-jrle

. A4t'-s tle san fr1EriSC1F lI1-o-irla
The Sultan's dread Of the coming -
night is terrible 20 behold Il is no. tbst
he fears the ASSASSIN. bot he : the vic-i-7
o. insomnia, and when he does sleep II
is TO be the prey Of nightmare. His bod
room is q small room. smaller than vo,,
would be given al a good hotel. bv- it
mas most marvellous door II is in
laid from top 70 bottom with mother %
pearl and took two years 10 execute
Inside this door Is a small aperture and
then another door. IN this aperture an
attendant sits after the Sultan has goDe
70 bed and reads aioud-generaIly rom
French novels. Outside the first 5oo- ia
a general, who receives go a week. and a
colonel, who gets so. besides the guard
They tramp up and down throughout tha
night The Sultan cannCS rest unless no
hears their footsteps on the hardwood
floor. The corridor Is in almost perfect
darkness save for one small arc lamp
and these grim black figures pass and re-
pass with measured tread. never s., ak
Ing, but with monotonous tramp. tramp.
blending with the clank Of v1eapoDS-a-
weird lullaby for a monarch
The Sultan is very emotional. especially,
over La Trayiata" and Faust. and
lucky is the man who can bring into tha
palace some tune that soOthes him Ha
had at one time an intense admiration
for minister OF marine who had CON-
posed an execrable tune IN his honorI
but Il was catchy; Il had refrain which
the Sultan loved to drum his fingers 70.
But, as It happened. this minister had en-
riched himself out OF the navy funds
One day some sword swalIowers visited
the Yildiz-the Sultan loves fantastic ex-
hibitiOns Of this nature. The minister
happened TO be present at the entertain.
ment. during which the Sultan turned TO
an official beside him and said: That
man who swallows swords amuses yOus
bat know a man who swallowed a whole
fleet Of ironclads." The erring minister
was covered with confusion, but his ez-
ecrabIe tune had saved him
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
Rather Ambiguous.
n the Bohemian Nasazins

From the Bohemian Magazine
When Weber and Fields were playing
together a couple Of husky Western visi-
tors, seeing New York for the first time.
dropped into the Weberield Museum OF
Drama to see the show.
Which is Weber and which is FieldsT'
asked one. who forgot what a programme
was for.
"Derned If I know" replied the other.
But whichever is which, I'd rather be
the other one"
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
Tndiscnrered Crimes

From tbs Manchester Guardian
The public has too much reason for dis
trusting the detective apparatus in this
country Within the last eight months
four women. besides Mrs. Luard. have
met with foul play-one in South London.
two in Liverpool, one at BouTnemoUth-
and no assassin has been brought to
justice.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
A Serinns Mater.

Fro1n The Nex York Herald
Little son-Papa, why don't you belong
TO club ike mamma does?
Father-If did, what would become OF
your
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
Not Part of the Rules.

Unanimous. consent is not part Of the
rules; it valves the rules. He can ask
the Speaker to recognize him 10 sus-
pend the rules to pass the BILL This is
making the rules imperative or he can
wait for q call Of committees. He waits
sometimes. and waits In vain II during
his first term in Congress. the commit
tees should be called once. it would be
exceptional and consequently unexpected
When committees are called under the
authority OF the committee reporting a
bill. member OF the committee may call
Up a bin TO pass il. II the discussion Of
the bill or others occupies an hour. then
any member may call up a bill on ths
calendar Il he can gec recognition before
some one else.
As committees are rarely called ard as
1t Is done without p-eyiess Eetice and
The Washington herald., 1909-02-14
"Putting the Paper in Wrong"


Browne had way Of feigning inno-
cenee and injured feelings. and he was
able 10 shed real tear when increasing
the humor Of a situation that might
otherwise be considered as serious. Mr..
Hoyt told OF another tine when Browne
was given an assignment 70 report what
promised TO be the principal society event
OF the season. The elite of the city were
TO give a concert for the benefit Of char
ity- It was held IN the Academy or
Music. managed by Uncle John EIlsier.
later well known IN PittSburg Brownies :
copy went in without being passed Ypoa
by the city editor. When the Plain Deal
er appeared next morning Cleyeland's 5
Four Hundred were thrown into spssnls.
Browne had given a faithful picture OF
the event down TO the description Of the
basso. a young society man He creaEed
this character something Ike this:
e He has a voice Of peculiar evenness
and symmetry. Unfortunately. cannot
say much OF It's musical quality. Il IS a
voice which fSrcibIy recalls the rambling
in the bowels Of an elephant.
"Col. Gray was forgiving. but K was
weeks before he squared the Plain Deal
er for this pleasantly of Wards. In
writing OF the violence OF storm that
swept over the lake, Browne said:
Capt. J. arrived yesterday AMI
said that his deck had been swept clean
OF everything BY the sea It's a mighty
good thing for some people that the sea
can rise Up now and then for sweeping
The new era., 1909-07-01
Amended.

Amended.
A fool and his money are soon pop
ular.-Lire.
The new era., 1909-07-01
Editorial.
WHAT A TOWN HAS GOT TO
GET TO BECOME A CITY

The first thing to have is a loca-
ton. The character of the ground
selected as to soil, climate and
scenery is of small consequence as
gathering the business attributes
OF city are to be considered; but
the proximity of some kind of pro-
ductive territory is the ultimately
essential factor.
Having productive territory with
in reasonable trading distance the
next essential feature of your bud
ding metropolis is an an opportuni-
ty to secure transportation at some
thing resembling fair expense for
freight charges.
Thirdly, finally, and most essen
tally of all you must have a live
bunch of rustlers to run your town.
They have got to be men with
sense enough not to want to get
rich right off and honesty enough
not to frame up little cut throat
tricks on their neighgors.
Their town is never known as a
gang ridden town, though it is al
ways an organized well led COM
munity. They have got to go after
every business deal in sight or
sound and get it for their town
whether it goes to the man out
after it or the chap across the allev
from him and whether it is a new
railroad or a customer for postage
stamps, They get 'em to coming
their way and treat EN- so white
they want to come back, and keep
coming:
Now right here at Walden we
have the first of these three factors
of growth; the second is coming
near enough to be ours if we deyel-
ope the third in any reasonable de-
gree and thereby earn it.
Some details of the New Era's
view OF how to attack these prob
lens will appear from time to time
the rest of the summer.
The new era., 1909-07-01
Forget Il.

We owe much to our ability to for
get. Only for It. education must have
made fools OF US long ago.-Puck.
The new era., 1909-07-01
JUST A MATT-a O. NERVE.
How Lovcsiek Washington Youth Got
introduction to Charmer.


Not 80 very long ago when a certain
musical comedy company was ir
own we'll known youth of the city
vas in very hard way No one ex-
sctly knew the cause of the soulful
looks that he emitted on occasion, but
helkept 1t no secret that he went to
the theater as much as every night In
the week to see the same show.
OF course no one on earth could
keep secret forever, especially a
lovelorn youth. And accordingly. with
great air of mystery, he took some
body into his confidence. But all the
same he told 1t as though he were
proud of it. Yes, the great secret was
out. He was desperately infatuated
with one of the leading sopranos OF
the musical comedy company.
So far so we'll But the worst was
Ut tc come. He hadn't met the object
# his adcration yet. No. To be sure,
',e couldn't think of waiting at the
stage door with the rest of the John
lies and ask her to take supper with
nim. No. indeed That couldn't be
thought OF. But he had been so bold
as to send her several punches OF
American Beauties at ten bucks a
throw with little notes inclosed But,
worse luck. she hadn't seen fit to an.
swer the notes. So, coming to the
point Of his long preamble. could his
friend do anything for him?
Why certainly, that was what
friends were for. He would introduce
him to her that very night.
Lifted on the wave of ecstasy, the
lovesick swain took his friend to din
after the show they waited in front
of the stage entrance until the divinity
should appear. 1t seemed hours, but
at last they saw her coming down the
allcyway
The lpvesick ones heart nearly
stonped beating and then he saw his
friend step up to the fair one.
Miss X-," he heard him say
Il would like to have you meet my
friend Mr.. A."
Il am very glad to meet you, Mr..
A." she said, giving MIN her
hand.
II was done now and still he wasn't
too paralyTcd to murmur some appro
pirate greeting, wheL-what was that
she was saying as his friend had start.
ed away?
''Fut no 10 going to introduce
ynu?"
"Ch." aid the accommodating
friend, Bobby is the one who wanted
10 meet you; ! den't'-'Yash!ngtop
Star.
The new era., 1909-07-01
Continued from page one)

the number found and listing the causes
of death as far as possible under one of
four heads-accide I, disease. II, ison
and wild animals.
1t beI we'd that such record wi,
be of great value to stock men in assist
ing them to figure uplh percentage of
their losses and materially aiding them
In preventing some OF the losses through
corrective measures. FDy instance. if
an unusually large number Of stock are
found dead in some particular iocality,
due to poison from dangerous plants. Il
1t will be possible to meet this condition
by fencing up the erea, or perhaps dig.
glng upthe poisonous plants
II several atimals IRE found killed hy
Wild animals ia st,ype lone canvop. the
hunter employed fes that purpose, or
the ranger himself can in.estip,re the
matter and either trap poison, or shoot
the Mountain lion or other preslatury
anai'uL responsible for the damage The
The new era., 1909-07-01
Senatorial Temper.

A good way to tell the disposition
and TEN ..oraInent of senator Is to
watch him when he gives the three
rings for the senate elevator. The
rule is when three are given, no mat
ter who Is on the elevator or where 4,
10 going, the elevator man must
,asep the car In answer to the rings
II tho - IN Or who rings is at peace
With inc world and the White House
he will permit the car u go to its des
'ipaiicn with the passengers. II the
bell ringer is grcuch hs compels the
ear &c be atoppsd. and he has 10 be
car; led to lis objective point no mat
ter who is aboard or how much hurry
atl.s. may be n.
The new era., 1909-07-01

An exchange says: One third
OF the fools in the country think
that they can beat lawyer in ex-
pounding the law. One-half think
they can beat the doctor in healing
the sick. Two thirds Of them think
they can put the minister in a hole
in preaching the gospel, and al, of
them think they can beat the editor
in running the newspaper"
The new era., 1909-07-01

rangers and guards are constantly rid
ing over. their districts in the Forests
and have better opportunities for find
ing dead live stock than the stockmen
themselves, and as each Forest ranger
is supplied with the brands of all stock
in his district. he can generally Identify
the stock by brands and marks and thus
advise the owners.
The new era., 1909-07-01

Diamonds Handled by Wholesale.
One Amsterdam factory alone cuts
l.0eo. zoe diamonds every year,
The new era., 1909-07-01
Woman Rules,

This is the womans century" says
q suffragette. AS every century has
been since the appearance Of Eve.
The Monte Vista journal., 1909-03-20
WHY NOT CIGARETTES,

Ask the doctor; he will tell you
that the use of cigarettes makes the
heart weak and the nerves I'M
steady; they affect the eye-sight
and impair digestion. Ask the
athlete, and he will reply, IF you
expect to make your mark in ath-
letios you must let cigarettes
alone" Ask the educator, and he
will answer that the habitual
cigarette user cannot keep up with
his classes. Ask the moralist, and
he will tell you that the practice
makes criminals by bunting the
moral faculties. Ask the business
men if it makes any difference to
them if employees use cigarettes,
and mark the chorus of denuncia-
tons. Burbank, the plant wizard;
Moore, of the United States
weather bureau; Edison, the ia
nous electrician, all add their
protest to those of railroad and
street car managers; superintend-
ents of factories and proprietors of
great business enterprises, unite
in saying that cigarette users can
not be depended upon, physically,
Intellectually or morally. If fur
Their testimony is wanted, look at
the cigarette user himself, and the
answer will be anything but in
favor of the practice. Many states
have laws and more should have,
prohibiting the manufacture, sale
and importation of the cigarette.
The w. G. T. U. has a department
working against the use Of mar
ootics. and this organization is
urging by petition and otherwise
the determination of the little
paper pipe.-St. Louis Star.
The Monte Vista journal., 1909-03-20
SATURDAY, MARCH 20, 1909.
MACHINE REPUBLICANS

1t has become very evident that
some republican senators are not
seeking to secure an honest and
effective Direct Primary Election
Law, but that they will give their
support to dishonest law that is
planned to defeat the main pur-
poses of the Direct Primary, and
probably will prevent the enact
ment of any Direct Primary Elec-
ton law at this session of the
assembly.
Can any one imagine a more
disastrous situation for the repub-
lican party in Colorado than this =
That an honest, effective, nom
partisan direct primary election
law should be beaten by the aid of
republican votes, and
That "honest John" Shafroth
should become the center of the
public gaze as the champion of
the most popular reform measure
that has been before the people of
the state for many years.
What sort of political insight
have those republicans of the sen.
ate who think that they can give
popular favor by opposing what
the people desire!
What sort TO minds have those
senators that think they can gain
credit for the republican party by
shifting part of the blame for
the defeat of an honest direct pri.
mary law from democratic shout
ders to their own?-Pueblo Chief
tain.
The Monte Vista journal., 1909-03-20
TO FIGHT TUBERCULOSIS

A nationwide movement is be-
ing set in motion by fraternal and
labor organizations to fight the
dreaded tuberculosis.
At the last meeting of the ex.
ecutive Council OF the Modern
Woodmen Society, held at the
headquarters of the society in
Rock Island, ILL.,, it was decided to
conduct that society's sanatorium,
located at Colorado Springs, Colo,
for the treatment OF members
afflicted with tuberculosis, free Of
all charge to members.
The Modern Woodmen Society,
several months since, acquired
1850 acres of land within seven
miles Of Colorado Springs, and
has established thereon an up-to-
date sanatorium, the tent colony
plan being employed. The first
colony was opened for the recep.
ton Of patients on Jan. l. 1909
1t is equipped to care for 20 pa.
tients, to which number admis-
sions will be limited for the pres.
ent.
The tents are octagonal struct.
ures, with shingle roofs, canval
sides, hard wood Aoors on solid
cement foundations, heated by q
central plant, equipped with all
modern conveniences, such a. tel.
ephones, ETC., and each tent will
accommodate one patient. An 3D.
ministration building for physi,
clans, nurses, dining hall, baths oil
all kinds etc., stands in the cente,
Of the colony.
Dr.. J. E. White, formerly Of The
Nordrach ranch sanatorium, "a,
medical director In charge, states
that only those consumptive Nom.
bess who srs curabls, Of Who's
ltvss nay b prolonged for . con
sidssbls length of time, viii b,
1nitasd = patients. The We
- q this Fuis y apparent
M nedieal e1anination - ,
!. l1ioa pceoedsnl ~ sdmissios
The Monte Vista journal., 1909-03-20

will be insisted upon in every case
and special blank forms have been
prepared for this purpose.
A movement is already under
way to equip the second colony
plant of 60 tents.
The Monte Vista journal., 1909-03-20

In the senate Monday the 'thir-
teen republicans present and the
twelve machine democrats lined
up solidly against the platform
democrats and against the primary
bill.