The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1909-07-31

pertinent Frenchman, whether he came
there in any public character, his lora-
ship answered: mot at all; came me
! a French minister with no character dt
ALL"
No less historic was Cato's reply TO tile
query why with so many statues III
! Rome none were erected TO MN.
would rather people should inquire why
| have them not, than complain lldl l
have
There was more conscious irony IN the
remark of M. d'Usez, gentleman OF non
or to a French queen. Ane uay sle
asked him what o'clock it was MAD
am, any hour your majesty pleases.
Of Abernathy's wit numerous tales
are told. A lady consulted him about
nervous ailment and described her
symptoms at wearisome length. lie re-
ferred her to his book, but she per
sisted in her efforts to get further IN
| formation from him. May ! eat oys-
ters, doctor? May l take supper?
Her questions rapidly followed one
another III tell you what, madam;
you may eat anything but the poker ana
| the bellows. for the one is too hard ana
the other full of wind.
1t was the same Abernethy of whom
rather indolent but wealthy patient IN
quired as to a cure for gout. Live upon
siXpence a day and earn it, was the
| answer.
Lord Brougham, speaking of the sal
ary attached to rumored appointment
to a new judgehip, said it was all moon
shine. 1T may be so, my Lord Harry
Lord Lyndhurst remarked, lit may be
So but l have a strong notion that
moonshine, though it be you would IKE
to see the first quarter of it.
More severe was the retort of Dean
Swift to conceited youth, who prided
himself on his ability to say pert things.
You must know Mr.. Dean, that L set
up for a wit"
"Do you, indeed?" the dean replied.
well, take my advice and sit down
again.
When the French revolution broke out,
a number of scientists lost their lives,
but Lalande, the astronomer, only paid
the more attention to the skies and its
consultations When he found, after the
reign of terror, that he had escaped the
fury of the mob, he exclaimed CRATE
fully: II may thank my stars for it.
would any apparent jest possess more
genuine truth?
Allison tells how, during Napoleon's
Egyptian campaign, no sooner were
the Mamelukes observed at a distance
than the word was given: Form
squares; artillery to the angles; asses
and sayans to the center" The COM
mand afforded no little merriment to
the soldiers even at such an exciting
moment, and made them call the asses
demi- -savans
Sir William Scott, the English jurist,
was dining once with popular ply
sician who was rather f1ippant in his
conversation. You know, Sir William
came the nonchalent remark, about
forty man is always either fool or
a physician
May he not be both?" was Scott's
swift rejonder.
In a similar vein was Lord Mansfield's
reply to an English barrister of consid-
erable fame but of little courtesy. One
day. while pleading before Lord Mans
field on some question of manorial right,
the barrister was unlucky enough to
say: My lord, 1 can illustrate the point
in my own person. l myself have two
little manors."
With a profound bow and one of his
blandest smiles, the judge exclaimed,
we all know it, Sir Fletcher"
Zimmerman, an eminent practitioner
of his day, was called in as physician to
Frederick the Great in his last illness.
One morning the king said, You have,
/ presume, helped many a man into an
other world"
The doctor responded, judiciously
blending truth and fattery: Not so
many as your majesty, nor with so
much honor to myself
AT banquet of French medical men,
after toasts were given to the health of
every famous person who could be
thought of, Alphones Karr was asked by
the chairman to offer a special toast
The poet rose and said: II propose the
health of all those who are SICK
AS apt was Garrick's reply to a lady
who deplored that he was no talker.
MY dear madam so ran his response,
Il also should be happy if 1 stood higher
in your estimation"
Although Emerson bids us beware of
cheap wit his journals and letters re-
veal an intelluctual pleasantly that is
keen and wholesome. Its quality can
be measured by this incident A push
ing and vain young lecturer who came
to Concord and had Emerson in his
audience one evening, asked an indorse-
ment from the sage, "as a lecturer"
stating that he had received similar IA
vors from various noted literary men.
my young man." was Emerson's reply, !
"do yOu not know that there is but one
person who can recommend you?"
why, who is that, Sir?''