The Columbus journal. (Columbus, Neb.) 1874-1911, 1909-12-08

Randolph Binks of BetZville is pas
mock, but up to the present he has
never reclined in one to any great
extent. Mr. Binks is an excellent citi-
zen, but is more rotund than any other
man in this county, and when he re-
clines in a hammock SO much of him
refunds upward that it overthrows the
equilibrium, and the hammock quickly
but gracefully turns over and drops
Mr. Binks on the ground with a thud.
Any man less passiOnately fond of re-
Ginning in a hammock would have
given it up long ago. but Mr.. Binks
said in our hearing that he would be
blamed if he would let any hammock
says he has gently climbed into the
hammock over $500 times, put his
mead back carefully, grasped the
edges, and that each and every time
the hammock has revolved half a revo-
luton suddenly. and spilled him on
the hard, hard ground. He says that
at about the eight thousand, nine hun
bred and third time he decided that he
had been attacking the hammock too
gently, and that it must be taken
roughly. like the nettle, to be handled
properly, SO he stood back and made
a leap, landing in the hammock. This
was almost successful, except that the
hammock acted like spring board
and, taking Mr. Binks, threw him six
feet against the fence, head first,
breaking three pickets. In his tenn
pOrary anger Mr.. Binks arose and
kicked the hammock, which then
grabbed him by the foot, yanked his
other foot OF the ground. and bumped
him down on the back of his head.
When he became calm Mr.. Binks
went n far away from the hammock
as he could get and sat down on the
ground and studied It, and he came
to the conclusion that what the ham,
mock needed was q counterweight.
If there was 4 greater weight attached
to the underneath of the hammock
when Mr.. Binks got into It, it could
not turn over. He said he wondered
that no one had ever before thought
of putting q keel on a hammock, and
he Immediately began looking about
for a good, heavy weight. The best
thing he could find was an old mill
stone, and he built up solid wall Of
loose brick underneath the hammock.
On top of this. he laid the milestone,
and then he pressed the hammock
smoothly against the milestone, and.
warming two quarts OF glue, he
poured it into the hammock and went
away to allow the glue to harden in
peace.
That evening Adeiia Binks and her
fiance, young Wilfred Doppelgang.
went quietly into the back yard to sit
in the hammock and spoon. They
sat.
About three hours later Adelia
raised her head from Wilfred's shoul-
der and said, TT don't seem like you
hug as hard as you used to. Wilfred!"
She said this in a rcproachful tone of
voice. implying that perhaps Wilfred
did not love her as of yore, and Viii.
fred. who did love her as of yore, tried
to take his arm from about her waist
and get a new strangle hold, but, alas!
he could not! He could not get his
arm loose from that hug. In the
course of three hours the glue had
hardened and the hug had become a
permanent, guaranteed-fast embrace.
He had undoubtedly allowed his
sleeve to repose a moment or more in
the glue, and Wilfred's sleeve and the
back cores of Adelia's shirt waist had
become one and inseparable. This is
desirable in a union of states, but 1t
is not recommended for all purposes.
With CONSERVATION Wilfred then
started to leave the. hammock So
did Adeiia. Instantly, without mo-
ment's hesitation, they did mot leave.
Reader, have you ever been glued to
a large, round, sandy-complected mill
stone? Have you ever seated yourself
upon a milestone well buttered with
glue, with the girl of your choice be-
side you, and then sat there until the
glue hardened and you became. as you