Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-12-24

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Bess-That's a qaint ring you are
wearing Is it an heirloom? Tess
Well, ii dates from the Conquest
The world wipes its feet on me"
said the doormat And every mans
band is against me" said the push
button.
She-loH've seen Charleys wife
Would You call her pretty? He-I
might IL | were talking to Charley.
IF you had to choose between me
and a million dollars which would you
take7" I'd take the million; after
that you'd be easy"
Nice car" Yes" rs 1t the latest
thing In cars?' Il guess So 1t has
never gotten me anywhere on time
yet."-Houston Post.
Chureh-Eyer make any money ON
Wall Street tip? Gotham--Yes, a
fellow told me to keep away from
there.-Yonkers Statesman
She-He has most extraordinary
figure, hasn't he? He-That's so.
believe an umbrella is about the only
thing he can buy ready-made,
They say his wife was the inspira-
ton of some Of his best plays Yes.
He produced them before he was mar
ried. ~ Chicago Record-Herald
Visiting Relative-How aristocratic
your father looks with all that gray
hair. Naughty Son-Yes, and he's got
me to thank for it, too!-Puck.
She--Confess, now. that you would
like to see women voters at the polls.
He-T should, indeed Either OF EN-,
North or illustrated Bits
Patrlce-You say she is clever
writer? Patience--Very. Why, I've
known her to use a fountain pen with
out getting ink all over her fingers
What do you think of man wi,
a rip in his coat and only three bu'
tons on his yest?" "He should eithe'
get married or divorced - BostcH
Transcript
Scott-lIalf the people In the worlA
don't know what the other hair are
doing Mott--No; that is because the
other half are doing them Boston
TRANSCRIPT.
Missionary "a little nervously) II
do hope that we shall agree. Cannibal
King-oh, don't think there is any
doubt about thatl My digestion is
excellent.--Illustrated Bits
Wiggs-At the first night of Serb
bler's new play understand there
was a big house. Wagg-Yes, but most
Of The audience left early to avoid the
rush. Philadelphia Record.
Football Coach latter the game)-~
Boys, are you all here? Quarterback
Pm not; / left an ear and part of a
hnger somewhere near the twenty-five
yard line.-Chicago Tribune.
The HighwaymanHands up! Give
ns your money, or III blow your brains
outi The Victlm--Blow away You
can live here without brains, but not
without money The Sketch.
I've often marveled at your bril-
liancy, your aptness at repartee,
your" IF it's more than five dol
lars old man, | can't do thing for
you. I'm nearly broke myself"
Mr. Struckoil--That there sculptor
Teller says he's goin' to make bust
OF me. Mrs. 5truckoil-Henry it's
dreadful the way you talk, Say burst.
not bust Philadelphia Record.
She How far can your ancestry be
traced? He~Well when my grand
father resigned his position as cashier
Of county bank they traced him as
far as China. but he got away Pitts
burg Observer.
Hiram Hutchins Hope your boy
Eph amt on one Nv them college foot
ball teams? Abijah Perkins Not
much Eph got ketched under a steam
roller once an he knows how 1t feels
Boston Herald.
Mrs A. (maliciously) You were
guch charming debutante. my dear,
fifteen years ago. Mrs. BWas II
only remember you made such
lovely chaperon for me when | came
out Boston Transcript
Mrs. Pyne-Mrs. Blank certainly
possesses tact? Mrs. Hyne- What is
your definition of tact? Mrs Pyne-.
Tact is a woman's ability to make her
husband believe he is having his own
way.--Lippincott's Magazine.
Is he what you would call a first
class newspaper man2 Il should say
80. When the 'end-of.the-world' scare
was at its height, he had two edito-
rails written-one to publish II it did
come of, the other If It didn't'-Puck.
Clancy Dim after ticket ter Chi
cage Ticket Agent--Do you want an
excursion ticket? One that viii take
you there and back? Clancy-Phats
the sinse OF me payin ter go there an
back within Oim here alriddy? Hotel
Register.
Before | married. said Mr. Hen
or. IA.