davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

The Sultan is surrounded by mutin- ous soldiers and anxious wives.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

HEARTBROKEN. He wore a look of deep distress And heaved ten thousand signs; No matter how the sun might shine He wouldn't dry his eyes, But wept and wept and moaned and moaned
 And said to all who came, "Confound the luck, don't see how We lost that closing game!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

On moving day in cities all young couples move out of flats built last year into those built this year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27
NATURAL MISTAKE,

''Who is the Grim Reaper ?" Death"
 ''Umphl I thought 1t was the tax col 1ector."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

Walker Weston, as an example, is worth a whole field of Marathon ruD- ners.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

MT. Burbank goes right ahead in his farming operations, without waiting for uplift advice.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

If flour goes up papier-mache pie crust may come into general use.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

where the next months supply of gaso- line Is to come from"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

The Gridiron club is fast becom- ing one of the coordinate branches of the government.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

If the wheat duty were wholly re- moved no one would miss 1t. It is a humbug.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

The militia of Rhode Island has been dissolved, but Boss Brayton is not alarmed. He is holding the ship of state steady, loaded as she is with voters who had openly accepted cdr- rent prices.
 New York is trying to pick suitable men for candidates for mayor. The election occurs this fall, and the win ner may become a presidential possl- bility.
 Whitelaw Reid can be trusted to remain at his post until a successor can be found to relieve him. He is no quitter in dear old London.
 
 The men who are fighting the in- come tax are those who have gener- ous incomes. Senator Aldrich would have to pay on $12,0O0,000.
 
 Neither the President nor the vice president has shown a desire at q baseball game to slug the umpire. Nevada judges are declining this year to send diyorces by mail even when postage is enclosed. On moving day in cities all young couples move out of flats built last year into those built this year  MT. Burbank goes right ahead in his farming operations, without waiting for uplift advice.
 The Gridlron club is fast becom- ing one of the coordinate branches of the government.
 If the wheat duty were wholly re- moved no one would miss 1t. It is humbug.
 Walker Weston, as an example, is worth a whole field Of Marathon run- ners.
 If flour goes up papier-mache pie crust may come into general use.
 
 The Sultan is surrounded by mutin- ous soldiers and anxious wives. More bulls may be slaughtered in Chicago than lions in Africa.
 
 When wheat is bullish, vegetarian ism is discouraged.
 Slumps seem to follow corners as night does day
 
 Tho ,oJ,ood loaF 3r oory lrnou,,, nc
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27
FOREsTALLED.

FORESTALLED. He understood Or said he did, But still the truth From him was hid. He did not know
 The hat she sought His love the day
 Before had bought.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-27

Washington Bureau Age-Herald' l42l G street, N. W.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
NOTICE OF INTENTION.

NOTICE is HEREBY GIVEN by the
City Council of Ogden City. Utah. Of
the intention Of such council TO make
the following improvements, to-wit:-
To create Royal avenue from 2lst
street to 22nd street as sidewalk
district and to build In said district
concrete sidewalks and concrete
curb In the manner following, to-wit:
To build on said street as above
mentioned, concrete sidewalks Inch
es thick and feet In width. with
a curb added on tho edge inches
thick and s inches deep.
The estimated cost OF said improve
ments Is s1,200O0
Tho boundaries OF the district to
be benefited and affected by said Inn
provements are lines drawn 30 feet
outward from and parallel to the out
er boundary lines Of said street for
the whole length thereof from 2lst
street TO 22nd street
For the payment Of the costs and
expenses of making said improve
ments, the City Council Intends TO
levy and collect special and local taxes
upon the lots, blocks. parts OF lots
and blocks. lands and real estate ly-
ing and being within the boundaries OF
the said district to the extent of the
benefits to said property. by reason OF
said improvements.
The CITY Council will, on Monday.
the nth day of May. 1909. at 3
O'Clock p. m, in the City Council
chamber, City Hall. Ogden, Utah, hear
objections In writing from any and
III x,an,one Iptaroutpd In said lOcll and
special assessment
ORDERED by the city Council,
April 10. 1909.
Il. P. BROWN,
City Recorder.
By TTLLIE HANCOCK.
Deputy.
First publication April Is. 1909
Last publication May 10. 1903.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
NOTICE OF SALE AT AUCTION.

Notice Of Sale OF Unclaimed Freight
Notice Is hereby given that on the
fifth day Of May, 1909, beginning at
10:00 o'clock A. NJ. Of said day, the
undersigned will sell at the II. l.. Grif-
fin, Co warehouse, located at No. 1854
Wall Avenue. ogden. Utah. to the high
est bidder. for cash, the hereinafter
mentioned and described property;
said property will be sold for the pur-
pose of realizing thcrefrom funds with
which to pay the freight storage and
other charges. and expenses thereof. as
provided by Sections numbered 1t17
X. 1il7 X1. and 1917 X2 OF the Com
piled Laws OF Utah, 1907; that is 10
say; Five hundred twelve (512)
sacks unmilled rice; accrued freight
charges. Five Hundred Thlrty-twO
Dollars and Forty-eight cents. (s532.4s)
domurrage charges, Eighty-one Dol
lars tSSl00); storage and handling
charges. SiXty-five Dollars and Forty
four Cents $65.44); incurance charges,
Forty-five Dollars and Fifty Cents
ost650}: total, Seven Hundred Twen-
ty-four Dollars and Forty-two Cents
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
TO WHOM is HONOR?
RECORDS SILENT AS TO AMERI.
CAS- FIRST HUMORIST.
ProgenItor Of Long Line OF Worlds
hioot Distinguished Men Has Yet
to Be Identlfied-is II Ma
thanlei Ward7

Who cracked the first joke In Amer
lea? Tho early records do not state
We are not even quito sure as to tho
first American who tried to DC funny
on paper, OF course some OF tho very
earliest colonists In both Virginia and
New England wrote humorous and
sarcastic accounts back home.
One might call to mind John Pory
OF tho jamestown settlement. whose
ly Witty. Francis Higginson. sturdy
old New Englander, sometimes dan
gcrously near joking. and some would
say that William Wood OF Massachn-
eetts by his sprightly New England
Prospect Q63D deserves the place as
first OF the numerous fathers Of Amerf'
can humor.
But the FIRST man to do It with NAL
Ice aforethought and with the inten-
tion OF publishing also seems to have
been the New England preacher. Ma
thaniel Word O57S-l652) It was he
who wrote the first American book OF
humor Tho Simple Cobbler OF Aga
wan" Other books he composed, but
as they deal extensively in promises
of volcanic landscapes in the next
world they cannot with proprlety be
called funny.
Ward was n widower OF consider
able standing in point of time when he
perpetrated tho Simple Cobbler,' 4
fact which may have some bearing on
NG hlp NrEH Nf
there are many. concerning women.
ITO speak moderately SAYS he, II
truly confess II is beyond the ken OF
my understanding to conceive how
those women should have any true
grace or valuable virtue. that have so
little wit as to disflSure themselves
with such exotic garbs, as not only
dismantles their native lovely luster.
but transslouts them into CANT bar
geese. i'll shapen, shotten shellfsh,
Egyptian hieroglyphics. or at best into
French Hurts Of the pastery, which
proper English woman should scorn
with her heels. 1t is no marvel they
wear drailes on the hinder part of
their hends, having nothing as II
seems IN the torepart out ic" SPUR
rels' brains to help them frisk from
one ill.favored fashion to another
The world is full of care, much Ike unto
bubble,
Womon and care. and care and women.
And women and care and trouble.
TT Is more common than convenient
saying that nine tailors make man;
1t were well that 10 could make a
woman to her mind, II is no little Ia,
Dor to be continually putting up Eng
llsh women into outlandlsh casks;
who IL they be not shifted anew once
in few months. grow too sour for
their husbands. What this trade will
answer for themselves when God shall
take measure OF tailors' consciences
is beyond my skill to imagine 6.
He that makes coats for the moon.
had need take measure every noon,
and he that makes for women, as
often. to keep them from lunacy."-Se-
vance Review.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
NOTICE OF INTENTION.

NOTICE is HEREBY GIVEN by tho
the intention OF such council, to make
the following improvements. to-wlt.-
To create all of Washington avenue
from 2Gth street to 2Sth street as 4
paving district, and 10 grade and pave
therein In the manner following. to-
wit
Oal Washington avenue from goth
street to 2Sth street pave with IL
inches of asphaltum on inch con.
crete base, and TO defray the costs
and expenses of the same, estimated
at Twenty four Thousand 1874 .00000)
Dollars. by a local assessment Tor
depth OF so feet upon the lots. blocks
parts Of lots and blocks. lands and real
estate within said district, abuttins
and bounding upon the outer boundary
lines of said street.
The boundaries OF the district TO
be benefited or affected are lines
drawn so feet outward from and par
allel to the outer boundary lines of
said street for the whole length there
of from 26th street to 2Sth street
For the payment of the costs and
expenses Of making said improve
ments the City Council intends 10
levy and collect special and local taxes
upon the lots, blocks, parts of lots
and blocks, lands and real estate "
Ing within the boundaries OF said dis
trict TO the extent of the benefits 10
said property by reason of said im-
provemeuts,
The City Council Will. on the 18th
day Of May, 1909, at S O'Clock p. nj.
in the City Council chamber. City
Hall. Ogden. Utah, hear objections n
writing from any and all persons In
terestcd In said local and special as
Sessmcnt
ORDERED by the City Council.
April 10. 1909
F.. P. BROWN,
City Recorder.
BY T1LLIE HANCOCK.
Deputy
First publication April %. 1909
Last publication May Is. 1909,
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
WITNESS OVERTHROW OF DEVILS
Crowds Flock to Peculiar Church
Ceremony In Spain.

At San Mateos. a village OF the
Spanish Levant the annual fair for
driving out devils has Just been held,
tens OF thousands Of peasants attend
ing the weird ceremonies. The little
church, lost In the desert village, has
an ancient chapel. famous for It's
facilities for extricating devils from
the human frame.
When the time for the fair arrives
the possessed" flock thlthor In large
numbers from all parts of Spain, This
year tho greater part OF the devil rid
den. asking for relief. were epileptics
and semi-idiots. Then there were
groat number OF small children afflIct'
ed with st Vitus dance. hysteria,
nervousness and similar ailments.
Tradition at the village church has
1t that those possessed usually har-
Dor seven devils. This multiplicity of
satans. say the Spaniards. makes II
impossible to cure the afflicted per
sons by medicine. since the fallen
angels suck up every drop OF medi-
cine that is swallowed by tho sufferer
Furthermore tradition has It that
demons leave the human body only
by the finger tips Hence at the an
nual fair cords with slip knots were
fastened to the flngers and toes of the
possessed. These were operated by
a monk while the exercise was go.
Ing on. Most of the children cried
bitterly, though the pain caused was
not necessarily great. This was taken
as an indication of the demons un.
Willingness TO leave their hiding
places.
During the exercises the possessed
ones wore no clothes whatever, as the
demons might cling to such AS soon
as knot became loose and slipped
from the finger all witnesses sent up
a hallelujah. being convinced that one
devil at least had departed his earth
ly residence. When all the fingers
and toes were free from cords the ex-
possessed was carried In triumph
around the church and outside and all
rushed to embrace and kiss him. or
her. while congratulating the individ-
ual on being free from demons and
the seven deathly sins.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
NOTICE OF INTENTION

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN by tho
City Council Of Ogden City, Utah, of
the intention OF such council to make
tho following improvements, to-wit:-
To create Grant avenue from 31st
street TO Pincock lane, 31st street
from Washington avenue to Jefferson
avenue; Porter avenue from 32nd St
north through Woodmansee Main ST.
addition. Pincock lane from Lincoln
avenue to Washington avenue; Wash
ington avenue from Pincock lane 10
oath street and Jefferson avenue from
27th street to 2Sth street, as a side
walk district and to build in said dis
trlct concrete sidewalks In the manner
following. to-wit:-
To build on said streets. as abovo
mentioned. concrete sidewalks inch
es thick and feet In width
The estimated cost OF said improve
mcnts Is s12.000.00.
The boundaries OF the district to be
benefited and affected by said i'm
provements are lines drawn 50 feet
outward from and parallel 10 the outer
boundary lines of said streets for tho
whole length thereof. on Grant Ave,
from 21st street to Pincock lane. on
21st st. from Wash to Jefferson AYES
on Porter avenue from 52nJ street
north through Woodmansee Main st.
addition. on PincoclI lane from Lincoln
to Washington avenues. on Washing
ton avenue from Pincock lane TO 3ith
street and on jefferson avenue from
9th to 2Sth streets.
For the payment Of the costs and eX-
penses of making said improvements,
the City Council intends to levy and
collect special and local taxes upon
the lots. blocks, parts of lots AMI
! blocks. lands and real estate living and
being within the boundaries of the said
district to the extent of the benefits
to said property by reason of said i'm
provements
The City Council will, on Monday.
the 18th jay OF May. 1909 at S o'clock
p. M. in the City Council chamber.
City Hall. Ogden. Utah, hear objec-
tions in writing from any and all per
! sons interested In said local and spe-
cial assessment,
ORDERED by tho City Council.
April 10. 1909.
f. P. BROWN,
City Recorder.
BY TILLIE HANCOCK.
Deputy
First publication April %. 1909,
Last publication May Is. 1909.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
RosEeERY's PRESENT TO CITY.
Ancient House Gift Of English States
man to Edinburgh.

The earl OF Rosebery who is a de-
ecendant of the Viscountess Primrose.
has presented to the city OF Edinburgh
the ancient, historic and quantity built
Lady Stairs house. TO be used for a
municipal museum. When Lady Prim-
rose became a widow. Lord Stair
forced her to marry him by the same
bold strategy that made him a field
marshal, Slipping into her house he
showed himself in deshabille at her
bedroom windows. All Edinburgh rang
with the scandal. and TO end II Lady
Primrose became the Countess of
Stair. The house is situated In the
Lawnmarket. once very fashionable,
but now corresponding to our cast
Broadway. 1t has been completely re-
stored by Lord Rosebery. and Its curl.
ous inner stairway and oddly shaped
rooms are intact.-San Francisco Ar
gonaut
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
How He Got "De Title"

In many states ;ho-e Is such a sur
plus OF titles the stranger often grows
weary hearing them. Not long ago a
Chicago tourist who had halted in a
little Georgia town to have tho mud
washed of his touring car, engaged
the colored boots" Of the only hotel
In conversation,
Everybody is judge OF colonel
or major down here. isn't he, Sam?"
he queried.
"Yes. sab" replied Sam with a grin
We'll. who is that angular gentle
man with the white goatee?"
Dat am Jedge Chester. sab"
Judge. ch2 What was he ever
judge Off"
"Oh. he's a jedge OF a good cigah,
sab Dut's how he got de title"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
The Orqan Grinder.

| love all kinds OF music except the
tomtom of Barbados and the ragtime
In minor Of the Chinese. An up-to-
date band'organ In front OF my door,
II the crank Is turned with discretion.
always gets a few cents out of my
pocket by way OF encouragement I
am not like Mascagni. who. upon hear
Ing a fellow In the street numbering
'Cayalleria Rusdcona,' rushed down
In Italian frenzy. cursed him out in
pure MilnneSe. and. 9rasping the
handle. proceeded TO show Pietro. his
namesake. how to grind out his grand
composition with a Campanlni inter
pretation. Next day the same organ
was In front OF his door, bearing a big
plaoard-"Pupil of Mascagnl New
York Press,
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
OUR MISTAKE.

1t seems from an editorial in the
police department, which is being
conducted more or less regularly by
j. Fuller Critchlow, that the editor
OF that department thinks we made
a couple of mistakes last week In our
department. We fiud that this is
somewhat true, but the mistake is at
least In one regard somewhat exag-
gerated,
1t being our aim however. Ia give
out only accurate information, we
cheerfully correct all mistakes.
In regard 10 this police inspection" i"
however, OF which one Elton Lower
of Chicago has requested description
OF him from our chief of police, we
can give out no further description,
as Ogden citizens seem as much in
the dark in regard to 1t as the Chicago
man.
There is only one class Of inspection
of which all citizens seem TO know
and so our mlstkae If any was most
natural We have seen a printed copy
of Mr. Lowers letter and would like
to see a printed copy OF the chiefs
reply If 1t is no secret, so that We
TOO. may understand.
Now about this moral law that was
passed by the legislature We find
that our mistake was only in unlm-
portant details. The law was by Mr..
Russell Of Salt Lake. and not Dir. Nc
Cracker. but II still seems good to us.
Although the crime OF being house
OF ill-fame is still misdemeanor, In
stead OF felony. VIC seem To be right
about the municipal court not having
Jurisdiction except as a committing
uaglstrate. The penalty is 80 day.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
SALOON COULDN'T HAVE HIS BOY.

In an Indiana city minister one
Sunday afternoon was studying over
his evening sermon. It was temper.
ancc sermon. His desk telephone bell
rang. He heard this through the re-
ceiver:
Say. this Is the TivoIi saloon.
Won't yon send down one of your
boys right away?"
What's that you say?" gasped the
astonished minister.
We want boy right quick: bus-
tie him down here 10 the Tiyoli sal.
oon. | say
Look here Numbered the preach
er back over the telephone wire. I
want TO tell YOU you'll not get any
boy from me I'll fight you everlast.
inely before you get any boy OF mine.
Who do you think you're talking to.
anyhow"
why, isn't this the Rcd Line mes
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
THE DRUNkARO's WIFE AND
CHILD.
b. Roy. 3 f. Dnrlinr

By Rev. B F. Durling
The night is dark. so dark. and very
Is all the house. Don't cry, my love,
don't cry
And yet, know that YOU must slowly
die.
Since food and fire are gone, and you
are Ill.
So very III. and I,-but oh twill kill
Me soon, Yet hush this breaking
heart, III try
To still be strong for thee. sweet one.
But why
Does he not Gomez He knows 7 love
him still,
Yes, / would die for him. Far more
than death
have endured. and still | hope, but
oh,
My child. when l think of YOU. my
heart is fire
And hope seems burned to ashes. and
my breath
Comes quick and hot. Is every one
our foe
But death? Oh, no, Our God will
take us higher.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
Rapid Tunnel EorIne Machine.

There has recently been invented
a machine fox boring into the rock
and making tunnels in IN extraordi-
narily rapid way. In addition TO the
rapid opening of ground for the more
economical development Of motnllIfer.
GUS veins, It will remove the necessity
in many instances to provide outlets
for the water, This machine. 1t Is
claimed. will cut hole eight feet In
diameter. and make five feet per hour.
It is claimed that 1t will cut from rs
TO so lineal feet per day OF "a hours
Bulletin international Finance Assooi.
alton, Mexico.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
The SeIf-Edueated Woman.

One OF the FIRST things she must
learn is not to attompt to do too much
herself, Every business man knows
that the higher he rises the greater
must be the number of his assistants,
says a writer in Harpcr's Bazaar. The
private soldier attends to his own az.
fairs himself. but the captain EN-.
ploys an orderly, and the general has
an entire staff to do his bidding.
Many women have not learned this
lesson They are SO anxious to do
their duty In all respects that they
try to perform the tasks of general
and private soldier at the same time
"a thing manIfestly impossible.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
MEDAL CONTEST.

The oratorloal contest given by the
w. c. T. u. Wednesday afternoon.
was well attended The medal was
won by Mrs S Way. After the pro-
gram was rendered refreshments were
served TO about 65 people by Mes
danes Goodale. Worthley, Devlin and
Way at which all enjoyed a very So
clal half hour
Very little business was transacted.
Tho meeting adjourned to meet at
Mrs. Morrisons, % Grant Ave, on
Wednesday, May 5, at 2.30 p. IN.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
LEGAL.
(Continued)

ts72442); and the cost Of advcrtis-
ing and sale
Said property was consigned by Wall
Rlvc Milling Company. limited. Lake
Charles. La, to order OF Wall Rico
Milling Company, Limited, Notify tho
Continental Supply Company at Og'
den. Utah; and all of tho above de-
scrlbed property having been on hand:
unclaimed and refused. for period OF
moro than eleven I'D months.
UNION PACIFIC RAILROAD CO,
By w. II Hancock.
Freight Claim Agent
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25

scnger office? I want a messenger
boy
mo, It isn't: not by long shot. It's
the Presbyterian manse,"
well. well, parson; don't be mIffcd,
1t was just a mistake"
IT'S surely an awful mistake-a
mistake all the way around" was the
answer. "anJ I'm going TO fight you
Just as | said"
AS may be guessed. tho preacher
had a vivid Illustration for his ser.
mon that night-of both general and
specific applcation-"One of the
Folks" In the Interior.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25

The dearest suit you can buy nay
be the lowest in price. a suit thai
doesn't wear or hold It's shape is dear
no matter how little you pay for 1t.
IF WE TAILOR YOUR SUIT
ite first cost will be no more than you
ordinarily pay Its better fit, its bet
ter wear. Its permanent good shape.
however. will make 1t really cheaper
In the end than any other suit you
could buy. Come in and be measured
You need a new suit. anyway Why
not have the best when II costs no
rIore?
r. w. ANDERSON,
254 25th st. Ind Phone 8a5
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
Not Very Useful.

A man who suffered badly went to
q specialist and after ten difficult les
sons learned TO say quite distinctly:
Peter Piper picked peck Of picked
peppers" His friends congratulated
him upon this splendid achievement.
Yes" said the man doubtfully. but
it's s.s-such a d.ddcucedly d-d'ditticult
rem mark to w-w'work into an ordi-
nary -c-convers-s-sa.tion, y know
Everybody's Magazine.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-25
Happy School DAYS.

Tommy was about to leave the
school where he had spent his first
years. He went to the teacher to
say good by and added; Il am awfully
sorry TO leave this school I've had
had such o good time at recess Lip
pincott's