The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1909-01-07
BILLY SUNDAYS BUNC.

BILLY SUNDAYS BUM.
Rev. Billy Sunday, wholesale dealer
in bunc and balderdasll, recently clos
ed successful meeting at Ottumwa
Iowa say that hrs meeting was a
success, because Billy converted 81
1872 souls, closed every saloon in Ike
city, and received for FIVE weeks hard
wind jamming $7,353.T.
To put it mildly, he raised hell
People who deny hell, never heard
Rev. Bill preach.
Like Whiteheld, of blessed memory
who used to convert people by the
acre, Billy takes his audience by the
scruff of the neck and the slack OF
their posterior habiliments and sus
ponds it kicking and wriggling ove-
the yawning pit of perdition. When
thoroughly saturated with fumes OF
birthstone he slams his subjects
sprawling under the mourner's bench
and they confess Jesus in jiffy
Billy has all the necessary elements
for making a successful evangelist
He has gall, and believes in hell
Billy knows that if it were not for
the he'll he breaches, he would be
fiat failure. In this respect he is like
Whitfield, Wesley and Spurgeoo
There is however a slight difference
between Billy and these old time he,
fire preachers
They did not deal in birthstone for
money. Unlike Billy, they did no:
copyright their sermons. Imagin:
Christ taking out copyright on his
sermon on the Mount, and you will
see how closely Billy's methods IN
form to His That's why he had ID
where to lay his head. There is no
danger that Billy will ever make in
vidious comparisons between himself
and the birds OF the air
Whitfield had dignity, while Sun
day has gall Unlike Billy he did not
shed his GOAT in the pulpit and -ant
like howlincg Dervish. His prayer,
were not models in slang. and unlike
Billy they did not address Jehovah
in Bowery gibberish Here 5 :.
sample OF Billy's praying:
"And, O Lord. bless the school
children. the high school, the teach
ers, and the school board; whope
wait a minute there. Jesus. Let me
think that over bit first, Lord. Lets
see. three or four of 'em are all rig't
i hardly know about the oth--;.
III tell yous Jesus, just lump EN- -.
in and bless the whole bunch =,
your own mind about it md ID III
as you please. but don't blame me -
H." : From w. A. Sunday ias.
prayer n Ottumwa
Ii man could talk to God in "a.
manner, imagine tie nd OF langu. x
in which he would address an ord-r
airy sinner. and you get a correct ;tea
of one of Bills automatic, back as
ing sin-killing, hell-raising. copy
righted sermons.
The above prayer is the mos,
wonderful petition ever laid before
the throne OF grace. In its idiotic
originality it is absolutely uni gre.
The idea OF asking something IN
prayer, and yelling, "wlope there
Jesus" could not occur to man pos
sessing the reverence of a lousc
1t was truly kind in Billy - lie.
Jesus use his own mind aboal IL
Let us hope and pray that Billy VII
not take the management OF tl,- Uni
verse away from God II is a great
relief TO ordinary mortals - trink
that Jesus can do just as he pleases,"
provided that he does not blame Billy
for what happens.
But TO show that Billy Sunday
knows less about the true spirit OF
Jesus "a described in the Bible. tn IN
a Fiji Islander | call attention TO the
following excerpt from one OF his
copyrighted sermons:
Hear me! If there is any man for
whom | have contempt, and whom !
hate and despise, it is the man who
will throw into the face OF another
what he used to do"
1t is mean .cuss" who will throw
into another's face the mean things
he used TO do, but if there is any
thing in the Christian religion, no fol-
lower of Jesus can "hate and despise'
anybody.
Here is another sample:
Now, / understand that that gang
are going to cut the electric wires
in here before the meetings are over
and start fire scare. If they do they
will be shot, that's all there is about
it."
There was nothing in the rumor
about cutting wires, and yet it served
TO reveal the sweet Christian spirit
OF this Rev. Mountebank How such
an egregious ass can influence people
by thousands can only be explained
on the theory that those influenced
by him belong to the same breed and
wear their seldom brains ten inches
below the tips of their ears