Evening star., 1909-02-28
FUNNY YARN FROM
TALL CONNIE MACK
Manager Tells How "Bif" Me-
Guckin Landed Pennant
for Cactus League.
Special Correspondence Of The star.


Special Core spondence Of The Star.
| PHILADELPHIA. February %, 1909.
| The first sign of spring appeared yester-
day. when a wise gentleman named Cor
nelius MacGillicuddy took his first prom
enade of the year on the American League
ball parks green turf, at least 1t was
| green when the snow had melted of
enough to let you see it.
| One swallow may not make a spring
but when Mr.. Mack begins to take soli-
| tary somnambuistic rambles over the
domain of which he is king it is a sure
sign that the long winter Information OF
the base ball fan is nearly at it's end
and that there are large and strenuous
| doings scheduled to be pulled off within
| those same domains during the dawnine
! season.
| Connie has been laid up with bad
cold for some time and is starting south
soon on a trip-for his health. Say
| 1t that way. OF course, he is not put
ting on his gumsgloes and slipping of
on the warpath to gather up the pick OF
the seasons crop of youngsters from the
bush leagues of the sunny south. If he
4
| To let the cat out of the bag at this
stage Of the game would be singularly in
discreet, and Connie is noted for his dis
! cretiOn.
"How will the Athletics line UP in 1902
said Connie. "Oh. about the same as last
year. I have a few youngsters in sight
| to help out where we are weak. Sure
We will have bunch that will make any
Of them hustle for the pennant- Speaking
Of youngsters reminds me that 1 got a
letter from the south the other day say
ing that they have q boy down in Texas
| who. old-timers say, is better than Biff
j McGuakin. Never heard of Biff Nc
| Guckin? He retired long ago. This is how
| he won the pennant In the Cactus League
and at the same time won bride and a
| fortune:
| Biff McGuckin's Great Feat.
Years ago Biff was pitcher for the Pine
Gully team in the Cactus League. Not
only was he a peerless pitcher, but he
was the best batter the Cactus League
ever saw. He went through the season
without hit being scored against him.
and with the help of his trusty bat, his
own team usually managed to score a
winning run.
But he had rival. Hamilton Highball
Of the Poison Ivy also pitched the season
through without run being made against
him. and in addition he conceived the
idea OF surrounding the Poison Ivy
i, grounds with q high rubber fence. Thus.
Whenever Poison Ivy played Pine Gully
and Biff made long hit which should
| have resulted in homer, the ball struck
the rubber fence and bounded back into
the infield so that 1t could be fielded, and
only a one or two base hit resulted.
AT last the day came for the final game
of the pennant series. Neither the Pine
Gully nor the Poison Ivy team had lost
| game. and both hid their crack bat
teries in the box to decide which should
break the tie and win the pennant
| "As an additional incentive. both Biff
and Highball were in love with sweet
Alice, the only child of T. Much MaZuma,
the cattle and mining king Of the neigh
bOrhood. and she had said that she would
deciding game.
In Fine Form.
"on the day of the game Biff was in fine
form. For nine innings he held the
Poison Ivy team without a hit. But
Highball was in great form, too, and not
man on the Pine Gully nine reached
first. excepting Biff. who made a long
drive every time he came to bat with the
only result that they rebounded from the
rubber fence, and the farthest he could
get was second base. where he always
died.
"At last. when the Pine Gully team went
in to bat in the last half of the ninth.
the excitement became SO intense that
| Mrs. MaZuma swallowed her false teeth
in an effort to cheer the home team. She
| was hurried out and a special train made
up to take her fifty miles to the nearest
hospital for mejical aid. But the game
went on just the same.
Now, the track OF the railroad ran
| through the Poison Ivy ball grounds.
Hamilton Highball easily disposed OF
the first two Pine Gully batters. and just
as the third who was none other than the
redoubtable Biff. appeared, the section OF
track was swung aside and the special
train bearing Mrs. MaZuma dashed
through.
Hamilton Highball wound himself UP
for a final effort. Like streak of light
the horsehide spheroid left his hand in
one OF the famous highballs, which had
earned him his name.
| Ball Hits Train.
Calmly Biff awaited It's coming. gaugins
it's flight with his eagle eye. Just as
it came within striking distance he swung
| at 1t with his trusty willow wagon-tongue.
Fooled" he muttered. and hit it fair, care
fully aiming 1t for the rapidly passing
train. With a deep, hollow sound. II
bounded away. With cry of dismay
the Poison Ivy team saw that 1t must hit
their unfair trick of the rubber fence.
With a crash 1t struck one of the car
windows and disappeared from view. 1t
was carried away by the fast-vanishins
train. Biff made a circuit of the bases
for the run his team needed to win the
game and the pennant
LAS the enthusiastic multitude was car
rying him from the ground he was as
tonished to see Mr.. MaZuma tearing his
way through the crowd, his face radiant
with Joy. his hand extended.
My boy, I want to thank you for saw
ing my wife's life,' he said to Biff. THE
ball you hit crashed through the side OF
. the hospital car. just as she was chok-
ing to death. and hit her in the back SO
hard that she gave a final violent cough
and coughed up the teeth that We're
strangiing her. / understand that my
daughter has promised to marry You. My
blessings on you. my boy, name the day
so Bin married and became a rich
pork packer and lived happy ever after
"How's that?' said Connie, with a wink
l of III fo,-t nopI onfio OFF