The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-04-02
THE TELEPHONE WITH ITS
 WOES AND CONVERSATIONS
National Blessing Though Often Very Annoying-Few If
 Any, Could Get Along Without It
Fly DOLLY DALRYMPLE.

servant I once employed. After talk what I pay my cooks any way. and if l insist upon them wearing caps. and if we had fish for dinner Fridays"
 Just here our conversation was in- terrupted and Anne again went to the phone.
 When she returned I wish you might have seen her expression.
 Now. what do you suppose that was?" she said angriy.
 The chorus answered promptly, "We have no idea"
 Tt was a woman I never saw or heard of in all my life who called me up to ask me to send to the other end of the block and ask Mrs. So and So to come to the phone. q hate to trouble you" was what she said "but she hasn't the same phone that I have"
 "Ting-alng- -aling- -aling-"
 And once more our hostess was sum moned upon the dread mission.
 Returning she said:
 Well, I know you will never guess what that was"
 Never" said we in unison. Do tell us"
 q shall repeat the conversation just as 1t occurred:
 " "X-x-x-x'
 "Yes, I recognize your voice, John''
 "fX-x-x-x.'
 Cant be home for dinner?"
 You know we have tickets for the play?"
 "X-x-x-x.'
 "Very well then, I shall phone and ask MT. Jones to come and take me, and then everybody in town will be scandalz- ing me and I wish I was dead any way, and. if it wasn't for this old telephone you would have come home, for you wouldn't have had any way of letting me know, you couldn't come and am going to have it taken out tomorrow"
 And so that's your quarrel with the telephone, it is?"
 And then we all had the heartiest sort of a laugh at our hostess expense, and I felt sure that every "married' present felt exactly the same way about this particular fault of the telephone.
 Poor telephone, to have such things laid at it's door!
 Quickly our hostess said Now, what did I tell you about people saying things over the phone? John would never have said that to me If I could have seen him face to, face. He wouldn't have had the heart.
 Just at this psychological moment the white aproned maid appeared at the door and said in disastrous tones:
 Miss Anne, the meat hasn't come for dinner. What must I do?'
 "Fly to the telephone as fast as your legs can take you and call up that de- ceitful and prefidious butcher and tell him we haven't morsel of meat in the house for dinner"
 Not satisfied with thus admonishing the maid she excused herself from us and in a few moments we heard her saying:
 q think it's perfect shame the way you act MT. Butcher. I am never going to trade with you again if you can't send the meat earlier It just worries me to death, and I phoned you the first thing this morning, too.'
 And we sat wondering whether the poor butcher thought the telephone was a blessing or a curse.
 She was smiling sweetly as she joined us again, and she said:
 'Dolly, I guess you are right-we just couldn't get on without telephones"
 "Even if they are undiscriminating things-eh? and yet people talk to you that you don't want to, and keep those you are dying to hear from from asking you to bridge parties and matinees?" I said
 
 sliphtlv In excesS of those for March