davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Elopers walked Twenty Miles.

Anna Novak, a pretty fifteen-year
old girl, has been returned to her
parents by the police after having
eloped with Harry Seward, twenty
one. She met young Seward and they
took a trolley to ~Bordentown. They
failed to get a parson to marry them
there, so they journeyed to Mount
Holly, with no better success. Then
they decided to return to Trenton and
be married. They had just enough
money left to pay a minister a small
fee, so they walked from Mount Hol-
ly, a distance of twenty miles. AS
soon as the girl reached Trenton she
was arrested. Her parents will not
permit her to see Seward.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
lettings About Shorts.

d. c. R. Stuart resumed his DO
sition as stroke of the Cambridge
(England) crew.
TON" Longboat declined to meet
Alfred Shrubb at Buffalo, N. Y, in a
fifteen mile race.
Catcher Louis Ritter, for several
years with the Brooklyns, goes to
Denver this season.
That the Marathon craze is result
ing in evil to ill trained youths is the
verdict of physicians and athletic au-
thorities.
Silver Knight, at 200 to one, scored
a sensational victory at Oakland
track, beating a field of eight horses.
New Automobile Contest Board an
nounces that in future prizes must be
guaranteed before sanction will be
issued.
Alfred Shrubb defeated Dorando
Pietri in a fifteen-mile race at Buff
falo, the Englishman winning in one
hour t~wenty-four minutes six and
four-fifths seconds.
1t is suggested now that a five-mile
run be added to the intercollegiate
games program, but the suggestion
involves dropping the hammer throw,
which rather coppers 1t.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Faith Needs to be Tested.

All the faith you have will be
tried. l can see you heaping it up.
How rich you are. What a pile of
faith. Friend, you are almost per-
feet. Open the furnace door and put
the heap in. Do you shrink? See
how it shrivels. Is there anything
left? Bring hither the magnifying
glass. Is this all that is left? Yes,
this is all the remains of the heap.
You say, 81 trusted in God" Yes,
but you had a reason to cry, Lord,
help my unbelief."
Brethren, we have not a 1.-THE of
faith we think we have. But wheth-
er or not, all our faith must be test
ed. God builds no ships but what Re
sends to sea.-Spurgeon.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Bride Gone, He Seeks Death.

When Frank Lewis, a well-known
young farmer, returned to his board
ing house in New Egypt from work,
his bride of a few weeks was missing.
She had left no word as to her plans
and Lewis was unable to learn what
had become of her. The couple had
been apparently happy, but suspicious
began to creep in and Lewis brooded
over his sorrow. When the young
farmer failed to come down to break
fast his friends investigated, and
found him stretched across his bed
suffering agonies. Beside him lay a
bottle labeled carbolic acid. Friends
located the missing bride and she
promised to return to her husband.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Much Work. Small Pay.

In William Rile, the new superin,
tendent of the gas plant, the authori-
ties at Paulsboro believe they have
a great man and the claim has not
been disputed. The superintendent
duties consist of making all the gas,
lighting and putting out all the street
lamps, testing all pipes, making taps,
setting up metres and entire super
vision of the plant. His salary is
$50 a month.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Put Forth His Men.

That He may make US missionary,
God is always giving US missionaries.
He puts forth His men and women,
and when the Church, in the midst
of which they emerge, looks upon
them with Sp~irit-opened eyes, she
knows that in their appearing there
is uttered anew to her the Masters
commission. They challenge the
Church; they infect her with their
urgency. and by their succession
God persists in His will that the
world should be saved.-Rev. Thorn
as Yates.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
New worlds Bowling Record.

The worlds bowling record fol-
tournament scores was broken at the
State Bowling Tournament, Column
bus, Ohio, the Krollman iye-man
team from Cincinnati scoring a total
of 1891 in three games, beating the
record of the Bonds ive-man team
of Columbus, made at the tournament
at Cincinnati last year, by four
points.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Not in That Glass.

At a recent college dinner in a
well-known hotel, one of the diners,
hurrying through the corridor,
bumped into a man going in the OPP
posite direction.
The diner begged the others par
don and apparently with the idea of
showing his good telling, exclaimed:
Lets see-you we're in '93,
weren't you? Don't I remember your
FACET"
Nav, / never been in SO in my
life. Just been here four days, and
been up IN 212 on the tenth floor all
the time New York Evening Post
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
The Rev. Milton Relyea.

The Rev. Milton Relyea, who had
been a member of the New Jersey
Methodist Episcopal Conference since
1858 and an active minister for forty
nine years, died at his home in Penn
berton, aged se~venty-five years. He
was formerly presiding elder of the
Camden district.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Romance.

What do you think happened?"
"Tell it."
Conductor saw me running after
the car, and he held it till l caught
it. What do you think of that?"
What do l think of it? Why, 1
think it's the most original lie I've
heard for a long time. Good work.
old man!"-Cleveland Leader.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Tn All Parts of the State.

Veterans of Glassboro were treated
to a banquet by Eugent Jones.
The demand for chickens brought
to the markets almost the entire sup
ply Of Gloucester County. Joseph
Bill, of Evan, sold all of his at TWEEN
ty-ive cents a pound, and several
pairs brought 81 each.
Miss Daisy Pine and Mrs. Johr
North, of Blaekwood, jumped from
a carriage and saved their lives when
their horse, frightened at an automo.
bile, jumped over a fence and fell
down an embankment.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Riotous Strikers Get ADVANCE.

Workers in the terra Gotta factories
of the National F~ireproofing Com
pany, at Perth Amboy, who went on
election last November, received a
seven per cent. advance in wages.
Notice was posted at the Raritan
works that they will receive ten cents
more per day, beginning April 1.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
The Canny Scot,

A little boy, listening to the weird
skirl of the bagpipes of a street per-
former. once said to his father:
Father, why does the piper keep
on the move all the time he plays?"
II can't say" the father answered,
unless it is to prevent any one get
ting the range with a brick. "-Phila-
delphia Inquirer.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Hotel Incense Raised.

Salem raised the hotel license fee
from $500 to $500. The latter figure
is the highest in New Jersey, with the
exception of PIainfield, which charges
hotels $1,000, and Montclair, where
the fee is $500.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
A REQUISITE,

Colonel-"What do army regula-
lions make the first requisite in order
that a man may be buried with mill
tary h%onors?"
Private Macshorty-"Death. yer
honor! News.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
His Error.

Mr.. Flatwell-"Look here! You
must have made a mistake. 1 haven't
ordered a piano."
Delivery Man" 'Tain't a piano;
it's your wife's new at."-Louisville
Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Took Precautions.

"You ran into this man at thirty
miles an hour and knocked him forty
feet" said the court.
THAT, or a little better, l sup
pose," answered the chauffeur.
why didn't you slow DOWN."
Mere precaution, Your Honor.
Once l shut off speed and hit a man
SO gently that he was able to climb
into the machine and give me a lick
ing. Philadelphia Ledger.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
The Uses of Scenery.

He Cooking through his glass)-
"There's a glorious glacier which we
shall soon reach"
She-"Oh, won't it make a lovely
background to my blue frock!"-
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Difference.

Wife-"Is there any difference be-
tween a fort and a ~fortress?"
Husband-"Not much, except, of
course, that fortress must be harder
to silence! "-Lippincott's
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Advice.

Father (angrily)-'If my mar
ries that actress I shall cut him off
absolutely, and you can tell him So"
Legal Adviser-"I know a better
plan that that-tell the girl."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
The Price of Proficiency.

Doctor" growled the patient, at
seems to me that $500 is a big charge
for that operation of mine. 1t didn't
take you over half a minute"
my dear SIR" replied the famous
specialist, "in learning to perform
that operation in half a minute, 1
have spoiled over eleven pecks of
such eyes as yours. Success Mag
azine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
want WATERMAN Line Changed.

Changes in the route of the pro-
posed State inland waterway, where
it is to pass near the southern sec
ton of the island, are suggested by
the Board of Trade of Ocean City.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
True Moral suasion.

Correct moral suasion is the kind
that induces a person to cast out of
his heart and life the roots and seeds
OF the evils which so excite his wrath
when they come to frultage in other
men.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Lightning HELPS Convict Escape.

When a flash Of lightning put out
the lights In the county jail at Spring
field, Mo-, Oscar Rowe escaped to
freedom through a coal chute.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
BliSSfuI Innocence.

II suppose" said the fair prison
visitor. that the singing of the little
birds helps to relieve the monotny
for your"
"Wot birds?" queried the prisoner.
"Why, the Jail BIRDS" replied the
fair visitor. "I've often heard of
them. boston Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
OFF Guard.

"How did it happen that your
friends got the best of you?" queried
the inquisitive person.
They got busy while I was watch
Ing my enemies" explained the man
who had got the short end of it.
Boston Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
Marked Advance.

De Young-"I hear you and your
young wife are ON the outs"
Oldgold-"Yes."
De Young-"Haven't you made
any advances toward a reconcilia-
tion?"
Oldgold-"Oh, yes; I've made an
advance of several thousand dollars"
Boston Post.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
ArdentIy Desired.

Mrs. Henpeck-"There's no use in
your trying to dispute what 1 say.
I'm determined to have the last
word"
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05

Mr.. Henpeck-'I'm quite willing
you should, my dear. only do have it
soon."-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05
WIDOWS PENSIONS QUICKLY SECURED,

John Wainwright & Co., Wilmington, Del.
Expert Pension Attorneys of 20 years prac.
flee Will send valuable information and
blanks to widows on application, by mail.
of soldiers and oflcers WHO served ninety
days in the Civil War are entitled to from e
to $3b a month. Soldiers to $l2 when e.; $lt
when 10; $40 a month when IS years old.
The Penn's Grove record., 1909-03-05

Declares For a Continuation of the
Policies Of His Predecessor,
Urges Immediate Revision of the
Tariff, Suggests Postal Savings
Banks, and an Inheritance Tax
Says Progress OF Negro Depends
ON His Thrift and Industry
Panama Canal Must Be Built Ac-
cording to Present Plans.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02

painful cuts about his face and
arms, where rocks torn up by the
explosion had hit him. The dog
was not present. ,e,,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
A MAN AND HIS NEICHBOR

Just word about the relation between property
his neighbor.
a piece property in
Spokane
Suppose selected lot
improved You pioneer You
took an interest in building the community
citizens
neighborhood and built good residences
But suppose there of
that held by capitalist
neighborhood being built holding spec
collect improvements you and
to produce the added value of his property
Don't honestly think this
neighborhood?
a relief
have political prejudces
you won't it. You call it radical
here it is Away Henry George wrote
Social Problems" he offered a remedy.
. 1t was the remedy of just taxation
He said It not fair to
house
not fair for the state to charge
house
He said that would unmproved of foreign
capitalist
be forced improve to
alternative woad be TO sell to
That would be all the to All
improved
problems between the man and the
political parties with all their
viii be worked out by the think
You may not b. willing to accept the whole
trIne the curing public Ills
truth II will just stop at the library
md read Il carefully.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02


over her when she the job For that call her
out from behind her bandage then nless herself
policeman slip bandage down
nose.
chap Chicago quick dirty
chicken sandwich while like
tween the doctor and the undertaken The finally max
ing Garrison finish with He examined the
sandwich andd
AN acute of ptomaine poisoning"
(This is pronounced toeman, that the had
eaten something that had been dead long long time and full of
the poison of decay rotten purid).
NO" chicago can stand for good deal She has But she
hour to include ;S s % ane o s o a si ue a
witch much.
to the chicken the restaurant the
the market cold
tons OF chickens so very very dead that
destroyed the rotten poultry and the own
of it, the North American Cold
for damages They
OF justice who had taken oath uphold the constitution the United
States which guarantees to his right to life liberty and
the pursuit of happiness Dsegardng
and publishing some tons of chicken which when inserted
In sandwich would imper
twings of the lawyers
fought the through after
court of the United States Their
having destroyed the rotten chicken lives
citizens, must the for it!
goodness supreme hadn't
could buy and then when the things cot so smelly we had to
ALL through
the prohbtive prices.
The United States supreme contrary
board of health being disguised
as sandwich or in state might destroy the without
being liable to for IT.
And now do you know those purd pule their cold storage
said
their through all the little
of the United
Along in 1866 latter the civil
first into cold
the status Of the freed finally
sherman wrote the fourteenth amendment the constitution
said that
le liberty property without due
en was written merely protect the the
these Chicago lawyers right
sell you and me poultry that is deadly
baten Santa They claim deprving
souess land noseless) cold corporation
out due process OF law That Is that the
seize his in hand and the deayed
drop the latter into the garbage
and perhaps habeas
Ausies and
status and perhaps the
Isn't such lawsuits and the quibbing judges
that makes sometimes wish blind?
the bandage wound slip down a while?
And they
like to be jury?
Phwew!i
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
TIED DYNAMITE
TO TOWSER AND
, REGRETTED IT

BLOOMINGTON, Ind, Jan. g.
Tom Buchanan's pet dog took sick
the other day and Tom thought it
would be a humane act to relieve
the animal of it's suffering by kill.
ing it. So, placing the dog in
basket, he carried it to a field on
the outskirts of town and tied it to
tree. Then, carefully tying a
stick of dynamite closely to the
dogs tail, he lighted long fuss
and ran to await result from Z
safe distance.
He had gone only a few yards
when he heard familiar bark
close behind him, and, turning,
was Mortified to find that his dog
had broken loose and was now
close at his heels. Tom gave a
yell and set out to break all sprint
ing records. So did the dog. APP
parently recovered, he yelped with
joy at the prospects of race with
his master, and, as a sort of a rud-
der to guide him, his stubby tail
stuck straight out with the stick
of dynamite still tied snugly to 1t.
Buchanan hit only the high
places, but his dog continued to
gain on him. At the end of anoth-
err so yards he glanced back again.
The fuse was suffering danger
ously close to the dynamite. Sud-
denly there was loud report and
Buchanan felt himself hurled into
the air. He doesn't remember
when he came down, but he has a
vivid recollection of awakening
several hours later with a thump-
ing headache and number Of
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02

Htstory's great errors are:
William Tell was a myth.
Corialanus never allowed his
mother to intercede for Rome.
Blondel. the harper, did not dis
cover Richard Is prison.
Nero was not a monster; he die
not kill his mother, nor did he fid
die. over burning Rome.
Alfred did not let the cakes burn
nor invade Danish camp as min
strel.
Fair Rosalind was not poisoned
by Queen Eleanor.
Duke of Wellington didn't say
up guards, and at them
Siege of Troy is largely myth
Instead Of 300 Spartans, it re
quired between 1000 and 10000 to
stop Xerxes' army at Thermopyle
Farmer George was George III OF
England, SO named because Of his
bucolic tastes.
Wilbur Wrights axiom is: You
can't keep good man down"
Wonder If it Is because Taft
weighs an eighth of a ton that
they want to raise his salary.
F. Augustus Heinze's dinner to a
bunch of chorus girls will never be-
come as famous as the Selee blow
out, because the police did not in
terfere.
With the advent of flying ma
chimes, roof doors will have to be
double padlocked as a safety meas
ure against burglars.
81 see by the guide book that 40
years were required to build this
cathedral"
Yes? Just like our postoffices
at home. Must have been a gov.
eminent job"
Searcher-Do you believe In
ghosts?
Matter Fact-Yes, the kind that
walks on Saturday.
Pile an heiress' wealth under the
mistletoe and let her stand beside
it. Introduce titled sutton and
see which he woos.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
COEUR D'ALENE RIVAL
IN CUPID BUSINESS

The fact that Occur dAlene city
has become county seat is con-
sidered one of the factors respon-
sible for the falling off of the num-
Der of marriage licenses issued by
Spokane county during 1908. Here
tofore Spokane drew scores Of cou-
pies every year from over the Idaho
line, as this was the most con-
venient point at which a marriage
license could be obtained. r.
Now that Occur dAlene has a
marriage license Office, the business
from Idaho has fallen off to a great
extent, and in addition thereto
many Spokane couples run over to
Occur d'Alene to get married and
enjoy a little wedding trip along
with it. During 1908 there were
1865 marriage licenses issued as
against 1885 in 1907.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02

Anyone can pick a quarrel but it
takes a certain amount of skill to
pick a lock.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02

ering. He felt the floor beneath
him grow hot, great torrents of
heat swept upon him, but still he
held to his task. Finally he felt
Stacking Of the weight. He looked
through the window and saw that
the body had reached the ground,
and that fireman had reached it.
The fireman looked up and gestic-
ulated wildly. Hunky, somewhat
dazed, nodded
"YOp," he cried, waving his
hands aloft, I'm more of man
than Bill" and then, with a smile
on his face, he fell back from the
window as the floor beneath him
gave way.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
Most Anything
A WORD FROM JOSH WISE.

"A lap dog
has no business
in tn bosom O.
tn family"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02

The usual crowd of loafers were
seated around the stove in the vii
lage grocery.
Il never lied to my wife in my
life" began one Of the bunch,
when he was interrupted by a
unanimous laugh that was loud and
long.
THAT l didn't get caught at it,"
ended the speaker, after the laugh
had subsidized.
Whereupon silence resigned SUI
preme for nearly % seconds.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
tuberculosis is much less cor

tuberculosis Is much less COM
mon among coal miners than
among other classes of people. Ac-
cording to the United States census
statistics. miners and Quarrymen
occupy third place In the scale of
tuberculosis mortality. only bank
ers aud farmers being more i'm.
mune,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
rhE ONLY oEMocRAr

Joseph w. I,risiawm, Of Sprague,
audit0r-elect Of Lincoln county,
and tho only democrat elected in
Tho county At the late election. was
: yinit0r ~ the county auditors
once yesterday afternoon. inspect.
1ae ne ONCE and it, methods Of
DING hiistncss,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-01-02
DAILY SHORT STORY

crashing blow into Smiths jaw
that rendered him unconscious.
Then, calmly, but coughing furi-
ously, he tied the rope about
Smiths body. thrust the limp form
through the window and began low
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1909-04-29
FEAR TROUBLE At
ALEXANDRETT IA

Beirut, Syria, April 27.-The situa-
ton at Alexandretta is critical. Panic
everywhere prevails. Thousands Of
refugees are C Rowling into the city,
which is being patroled by marines
from the Britain cruiser Diana. The
Br.tis battleship Triumph has gone
up in the east of Ayas, to relieve that
place if possible.
At Beilan Pass, above AIexandretta,
conditions are desperate. Hadjin is
threatened, but is holding out
For the present Mors1na and Adana
are reported quiet, but the conditions
are unsettled. There are numerous
rumors from many other places, and
northern Syria and Asia Minor are on
the brink of volcano. The people
of Beirut have, during all the trouble,
maintained a calm exterior. but when
the body of Emir Mohammed Arslan,
who was shot at Constantinople, ar
rives here Saturday, it is believed the
government must take measures to
protect the nationalists.
A report Of the sailing of two Amer
lean cruisers for Turkish waters has
been received here. They can come
none too quickly. There is great dis
tress among the population in the
north and help is greatly needed.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1909-04-29

valid, no man was more responsible
for the verdict than the late George
T. Angel, editor of Our Dumb Ami
mails, and founder, admins rator and
patron OF the S. P. c. A II S life
was lived for a single end, and to
it all his resources of mind, heart
and purse were devoted. Far and
wide throughout the world, where
ever this new attitude of considera-
ton for the rights and feelings OF
animals has been taken, the example
and arguments of this unusually
shrewd, pertinacious, practical ideal
list have gone with information and
inspiration.
There are few more striking chang
es in the point of view of the mod
ern man than his attitude toward
the animal world. The movement
which has Darwin for it's symbolic
leader has modified mans attitude
OF uniqueness and separation from
other animate life. Because of this
new sense of unity, on the physical
side at least, man also has pursued
investigations, with animals as sub
jects for experimentation which not
only have greatly increased the area
of his knowledge but also wonder
fully fortified him in meeting dis
ease and coping with human needs.
Coinc.dent with these. phases of in
terest in the brute creation" there
also has gone striking expansion
of a sentimental feeling, finding it's
leading practical organizing spirit in
this country in men like the late
Henry Burgh and George T. Angel.