The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1909-03-13


ing. but never one such as that of Con
O'Neill, the auctioneer. 1t is hard to
describe it. but ii was a mixture of
walk, trot and gallop. Six slow steps,
twelve ambling ones and twenty-four
Of a downright rush at the end of which
there is a full stop, the withdrawal OF
q glaring red handkerchief from the
bottom OF a half tail hat, and then a
plentiful application of the said hand
kerchief to the brow, with this ejacula-
ton:
BE all the herrings in Dublin bay
bud 1 feel I'm no longer young
L believe / never saw so much adj
pose tissue on such a small man as Con
O'Neill, and the phrase he was as broad
as he was long was true of him. He
was not more than five feet two in
height, and round the middle he meas
ned, well. Phil Mcguire said when he
was measuring Con for waistcoat
that the tape was too small, and that
he had to depend on his knowledge of
mental arithmetic TO supply the def
cheney of the tape. Anyway, Con was
the latest man l ever saw for his size.
AS / gaze at him this summers after
noon ] cannot help laughing, for that
peculiar struggle of his to reach some
special destination would make dying
man laugh. I am not uncharitable,
dear reader, for l assure You, though !
laughed AT Cons walk. | admired the
man, for if he was as broad as he was
long, he was as honest and goOd-heart-
ed as he was loyal to his God and cour-
try. An essential quality with every
auctioneer is a voice and Con had a
voice that no noise could drown. You
could hear it ringing out clear and dis
tinct half a mile away. / never knew
A man more devoted 10 his profession
than Con was. Even when alone, he was
engaged in selling things to imaginary
crowds. and he clothed every article he
was auctfoning with a value, an excel
lence altogether foreign to it.
''Begob, boys says Jim Scully,
"O'Neill is the greatest villain | ever
met. ! bought a reaping hook from
him yiserday. an he tould me twas
wan ov the latest invintions in reaping
hooks, that the teeth ov it wor full ov
electricity an that all yeh had to do
was to lay it on the oats an whole
fields wud fall be the magic ov it, bud
tell yez, boys. the same hook wudn't
cut butter iv it was hot"
"Aarrah, whist wud yeh, Jim. l tell
yeh, he sould me a mattress on last
Friday" put in Phil Mcguire, AN he
said it was the same mattress Brian
Born slep on afore the battle ov Clon-
tart, an that yeh cud'nt lie on it with
out it maxim yeh a hero. 7 lay on It
for wan whole night an i can't tell yeh
what ] suffered"
How, PHILIP" asked bystander
Il drained ov Danes an Norwegians
an bloody battles. an whin 1 Weakened
L was covered wud scars ov the fight.
wudn't lie on it agin for mint ov
money"
why. PHILIP"
4 don't like to tell yeh, for I'm too
perlite' (polite).
himself on a chair on the rostrum and.
whirling hammer in his hand, he
would welcome with a glad smile every
visitor
Good day, Murphy. Yeh have
cowld, ] see. Drink jug ov warm but
termilk afore yeh go to bed tonight. an
sweat it out ov yer bones
All. Mrs. DAILY, bud I'm rale glad to
see yeh. | have fire irons here that
will just suit yeh. You'll get thin for
a song, ma'am, you'll get thin for a
song.
You're the very man I'm lookin' for. |
casey. Yeh wor akin me for two aisy |
chairs. 1 have thin here for yeh, an |
they re so comfortable that I'm afraid /
TO sell thin to yeh, for they'll make !
yen TOO lazy, an Mrs. Casey won't like |
that. / have six cups of rale china. |
vans wud spring, Summer. autumn an |
winter on the outside ov thin. THEY'LL 1
suit Mrs. Casey for evenin' tay.
Wen, glory be to God, Rooney. bud !
It's a cure for sore eyes to see yeh. |
Whisper, l have a Queen Anne clock |
here Wud cuckoo inside to sing the |
hours. It's marvel an ov CRATE an |
uquity. an will just suit yeh, for l |
know we're historic. Bye the bye, we're |
last spaich knocked the landlords into |
a cooked hat
Every visitor received a word and a |
handshake from Con, and then when |
the auction commenced it was better
than any play ] ever saw to hear him. !
He had words at will. and the coaxing !
way in which he drew the last penny /
from the purchaser was a treat to see. |
The most trifling thing he would invest |
with a romance, and the earnestness
and seriousness with which he did ii !
was the most laughable part Though |
the whole room would be full of mirth,
not even a smile would appear on Cons /
face. In fact, he often stopped in his !
description as if in wonderment at the /
peoples outburst Of laughter. If he |
failed in selling an article he would lay
it aside, only to take it up again after |
a short time, and then it would be |
clothed in new eXcellencies and a la
ment would be INDUCED in. that the
people were not sharp enough or wise
enough to know the genuine article
when they saw it. Con was a noted |
politician, and during the early land
league times he took a foremost part
in that political organization, so much !
so. indeed, that he was arrested as a
suspect and lodged in Kilmainham Jail.
The day on which Con was arrested he
was auctioning some meadows near the
village, and the widest scene of excite
ment prevailed. The people surrounded
him and would have rescued him from
The constables, but Con threw oil on the
troubled waters by the following words:
What is to be must be. an / deem il
on honor to suffer for me country. "
yeh never see me agin, iv I die in the
prism ov cruel governmint, | will die
an O'Neill. Go home now. peaceabIv.
an Nv / like Emmett Gle a martyr. write
not me epitaph until me country takes
her place amongst the foremost ma
lions ov the earth"
Con was kept in prison for three
months, and on the day of his release
oonfires blazed in the village and on the
hills. and the people
-hronging out TO meet him carried Con
IN their shoulders from the station to
lis home. That night Bartholomew Fin
legan, the schoolmaster. eXcelled him