The daily tribune., 1909-02-11
UNCLE AlEXANDER,S+
VIEWS
Ne Tells Aunt Hstty Something About
hssMauaG smsnt o. Husbands. /

Our hired man came in with a choice
little bit Of gossip. and my Uncle Al
exandsr and Aunt Hstty listened With
interest I was interested, too.
H"Hs came = flyin' out O. the house
with his suspenders stsakin' out be-
hind him. an pot lid come after an
hit one O. them fancy cochins of hers
an laid 1T out stfr," chuckled our
hired man.
ITS an Ill wind that don't blow no
ono no good" commented my Uncle
Alexander. That ought to mean q
chicken dinner"
Then she stood in the doorway an
gave him the wust tongue lashin' that
you ever heard tell Of said our hired
man. III there was anythin' ornery
that she didn't call him, my mem'ry
amt what 1t uster be-"
My Aunt Hetty made deprecatory
noise with her tongue and teeth.
"Sech doin's!" she exclaimed.
"Oh. dunno!" said my Uncle Alex
ander
How'd you like me to throw pot
lids at your" asked my Aunt Hetty.
II s'pose you'd like that
1--WE certainly amt had chicken for
quite a spell" said my Uncle Ale1an-
der. Not since Brother Piper was
here. She didn't hit him with any
thin, did she, Preston?"
II don't callate she did, replied our
hired man. mot with anythin' that
h, n NJ
Il don't see nothin' to grin about" +"
said my Aunt Hetty, severely. Il think
she ought to be ashamed of herself.
don't hold with sech carryins on
standin' an hollerin' at him SOS folks
could hear her!"
You could have heard her a mile, Z"
said our hired man.
"All l can say is wonder at her"
said my Aunt Hetty. "She's a real
smart woman, an turrible neat in her
housekeepin', but that don't excuse
her actin that way"
II guess Eben didn't get no more
than what was nessry," said my
Uncle Alexander. Il don't know as
blame her. myself, She's got to do
somethin' with him. an all she's got
to do 1t with is her two hands an her
tongue. Eb's too plague-taked mean
an shif'less for any use"
There's other ways" said my Aunt
Hetty.
There's one other way" corrected
my Uncle Alexander. You take a
woman like her. though, an she amt
got but the one When q woman is
oss-eyed an yaller, an slab-sided,
an bony. she's got to do the best she
can.
I've took heap O. notice of fe-
males that's got the name OF bein'
limber-tongued an free with the
broom handle. an there amt nary one
that ! can call to mind that would
take fust prize at beauty show
They're mostly homelier than sin in q
sermon.
The human man is so constitooted
that he has got to be driven or coaxed,
one O. the two. The human woman Ia
SO consittooted that she's got to coax
or drive, one O. the two. That bein'
the case, II she cant coax. by reason
OF havin' a face fitten TO stop a clock
an = figger to match. she's got TO get
q flow OF language"
II don't see why she can't talk de.
cent, even II she amt NO beauty" said
Aunt Hetty.
The trouble is that she can't set
on her husbands knee and pull his
whisAers," said my Uncle Alexander.
"She can't coozzle. II a woman's plump
an has got rosy cheeks an bright
eyes. she can get anything she wants
by just coozlin' up to him an talkin'
baby talk"
I'D like to know how you found
that out" said my Aunt Hetty, tartly.
II should think you'd be ashamed to
talk that way before young boy"
81 amt never ashamed to tell the
truth said my Uncle Alexander.
"You never see goodlookin' young
woman resortin' TO hardware and
kitchen supplies to carry her point.
She don't have to. An you don't
never see lady like Huldah Reddick
caressin' her husbands bald spot an
CDOlu 10 MN. II hue ulu ut u nave
her put In an insane asylum. an she
knows IT.
'Tt's easier to COAX an It's a sight
pleasanter, but It ain't everybody that
can do It, even II they wanted to.
That's the reason that feel sorry for
Eb's wife an make allowances for
her. That's the reason that when.
an sayin' that she can't understand
why anybody should take a nntiron
to her man. or call him out OF his
proper name at the top Of her voice.
I feel as II she needed enlightenin'.
TITS easy for folks to set back an
Hnd fault with their neighbors. but II
you wasn't the good-lookin wom-
an that you are. Het, an you had
trifin'. no-account. mean cuss like