The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1909-04-27
HUMOROUS HITS
BY CONGRESSMAN

, to certain persons who had executed
this mental maneuver, Springer said:
Il honor them for it, An honest man
is the noblest work of God. AS for me-
Mr. Chairman. in the words of an emf
nent American statesman I would
rather be right than be PRESIDENT the
gentleman from Illinois need not alarm
himself" drawled Reed; he will never
be either" The popularity of Reeds
satire was never, perhaps, better exem-
plified than on one occasion when he,
Mr. Choate, after ambassador to Eng
land, and another gentleman were in
company. Choate remarked, not with
out some manifest pride. that he had
never INDUCED in profane language,
never 'gambled nor had he used intox-
icating liquor in his life.
Il wish 1 could say that, eh, Reed ?"
exclaimed the third member in the
party "You can" was Reeds rejoin-
der: "Choate did,"
Perhaps the speech of John Aliens
which had most effect was his valedic
tory, in which he asked the republi-
cans, his political opponents, to build
a fish hatchery in his native town of
Tupelo, Miss. t'Why, sir, fish will
travel overland he exclaimed, "for
miles to get in the water we have at
Tupelo. Thousands of millions of un-
born fish are clamoring to this congress
today for an opportunity to be Matched
at Tupelo, Miss" The republicans of
the house voted for the appropriation
thus won by the assurance of the pop
ular member. Mr.. Allen rendered his
thanks thus:
Mr. Chairman, I will sit upon the
banks of this fish hatchery at Tupelo
and have before me a practical demon
stration of the truth of the old adage
that "a sucker is Matched every minute
Referring to the civil war and his part
therein as Conferedate private, Allen
said in a speech in the house: Gen.
Albert Sidney Johnston and myself met
Grant at Shiloh, and if Gen. Johnston
hadn't been killed and l hadn't got
scattered on the evening of that day.
there is no knowing what would have
happened Describing his advent to
Tupelo, he said: Mr. Chairman, some
81 years ago one of the most promising
having completed his studies and ap
preciating the Importance of the town
settled there and afterward became a
member of this body. What he has
contributed to it 1 leave for others to
say. Ny modesy prevents me-" Prais-
ing Tupelo, he said: ooh, if you could
only stand upon College Hill in Tupelo
and see one of our sunsets! 1t is very
near the center of the earth. You can
stand there and look around you, and
you will see the horizon just about the
same distance from you in every dl-
rection. Such moons as we have down
there 1t is the only place in the south
today where we have the same silvery,
southern moon that we used to have
before the war"
One of the best hits made by Speaker
Cannon was an appeal to the house to
settle down to work upon a bill under
consideration 1--WE had better transact
a little public business just to fool the
people" he remarked. On the other
hand one of the most telling orator
ical blows ever landed upon the present
Speaker of the house was delivered by
the late Amos Cummings of New York |
when Mr. Cannon was chairman of the |
committee on appropriations. 'Why
didn't you stand by the proposition
which the house made at your in |
stance?" asked Cummings, with bit
terness "Why are you backing down
at the first fire? You are misnamed, |
you are a toy musket.'
During a debate where Bourke Coch-
ran of New York had been persistently |
annoying Boutel of Illinois with queries
Boutell retaliated with: THE gentle
man reminds me of the following cpl
taph:
" Here lies the body of Robert Gordon
Mouth almighty and voice accordin.
Stranger, tread lightly near this Won
der;
If he opens his mouth your are gone,
by thunder"
Gibson of Tennessee once brought
the house down by beginning a retort
to Sulzer of New York: Look mere,
Mr. Seidlizt Powder" During a
bitter fight against Reed rules" Gen.
Spinola pointed to the painting of the
"Seige of Yorktown" hanging in the
hall and accused Reed of counting
the Hessians in the background in
order to make up quorum. The gen.
eral always wore very high collars, so
Tim Campbell tapped
this appendage one day with the fer
rule of his cane and inquired if Gen.
Spinola were Within?''
In a debate over the civil service
bill Champ Clark of Missouri address,
ed this inquiry to Hepburn of Iowa:
to the conclusion that everybody on
this side is in favor of the repeal of
the whole business?" Simply because