The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-14
TIE END IF THE
 TREATING HABIT Walk Right In and Right Out
 Again WILL NOT BE THE RULE Of Thirsty Ones In the Future. "Dutch Treat" Is the Only Thing
 That Will Go In St.
 Louis Saloons.


 From the St Louis ost-Dispatch Says Eddie, the Mixer, a-wipin' his eye, Weepin' a 3iggerful. heavin' sigh; "We're on de toboggan, we're off of our
 feet
 Good-by to de joyful American treatr' ''Is it as bad as that?" asked the man with his foot on the third rail.
 ''Worse." moaned Eddie, whose prow- ess behind the bar is known of all St Louisans who sally forth after dark and seek diversion in those great forests where the mahogany grows horizontally Instead of straight up.
 whats the occasion for this wild out burst of grief?''
 Well" walled Eddie. Tin game for the gafr, all right; but they've got me on the ropes now. Any time there's one of these human auctions in St. Louis you'll find me up in the front row and l won't wear any mask on my face to conceal my feelings, either"
 Tell us the story, captain"
 'Its a sad story, all right. All our best friends have gone back on us.' "Who-the breweries?"
 "Worse than that"
 '1mpossiblei"
 Yes; worse than that. The German American alliance-the national alliance, at that-has put the harpoon into us' Why thought the alliance was your best friend.''
 'so did we But what do you think it's gone and done now?"
 Couldn't guess"
 Its passed resolutions in favor of the Dutch treat.''
 And what's thatg'
 "of course you don't know. You were born and reared in S.. Louis and learned your saloon manners here. I'll tell you about 1t. Louie and Adolph and Henry and Mike come in. Does Mike turn to the others with a nice, opes1-face, eight day smile and say: 'Whatll you have boysg Does Louie? Does Adolph? Does Henry? Not on your precarous exist ence. Adolph orders beer, Louie orders Rhine wine and Setzer. Henry asks for a Scotch highball and Mike takes his straight. Each digs down in his pocket
 
 turn around and walk out"
 But you get their money, don't you?'' Get their money! Get their moneyl'' said Eddie. Say, suppose there's a great big cheese there that looks so good the mouse just can't help sitting around looking at it. If the grocer would just give him time that mouse would make that cheese look like a piece of laundry soap after hard days wash ing.
 But the grocer's a foxy guy. He just cuts off a little piece of the cheese and he puts it in a trap. When the grocer goes to the trap next morning the mouse Is inside and the little piece of cheese is gone. The mouse raises a holler, and the grocer says: Aw, what are you kicking about? You got the cheese. didn't your "
 q don't quite see the connection" said the customer. changing feet on the rail Well, it's like this The treating habit is the saloon keepers big cheese, his one best bet. his monthly alimony. He can't make his money selling just one drink to one customer No, sir; he's a heavy stockholder in the Superfuous Joy trust and he draws his dividends from Socia- bllity preferred, one of the best paying stocks on the list
 "Well, every man that comes in here and buys a drink-''
 "Oh yes, he helps some. You've got to know about these things to understand them. A man went into an office building in Indianapolis and asked the elevator boy if the building was fireproof. Sure, 1t is,' said the boy. MT. Fairbanks has his office here
 That man hadn't been in Indiana long, and he didn't know what the boy meant It's the same way with this liquor ques- tion: the lonesome drinker that comes in here and thinks all these lights and fix ings are for him has another guess com ing When Louie, Henry, Adolph and Mike pay for their own drinks and walk out the proprietor goes back in the pad ded room and has a fit"
 But" said the customer, "every man is supposed to know how much he wants to drink and is privileged to stop when he gets it. And
 Say" broke in Eddie. If every fellow did that my boss would sell out and in- vest his money in a wienerwurst and hot tamale outfit. That's where the treat ing habit comes in. A fellow comes in to take one drink Just as he gets set one of his friends bumps through the swinging door. Sure he's glad to see his friend and he buys him a drink Now they've each had one and that was all they wanted
 But the second fellow thinks the first one would consider him cheap if he didn't come rlght pack. So he orders another round. They drink that Then the first one has a brilliant idea, helped along some by the two drinks he has taken close together. Just to show that after buying the first drink he didn't ex- pect his friend to buy one, he order an- other one. After they've had the third one there's no use trying to figure out what they think. They don't care even when they get home. Neither does the boss"
 And are they really going to cut out treating?"
 Well" sobbed Eddie 'it looks that way. Besides what the National German American alliance has said about it. the legislatures in several states are consid- ering bills to bar all treats except the Dutch treat, the kind where every man orders his own drink and pays for it'
 How can they enforce it?"
 "Ohl l guess thered be lots of ways Anything's possible after Mulvlhill. They might put a row of boxstalls in front of the bar so that no two customers could get together
 Another good way would be to have one of these automobile wind shields the whole length of the bar, with little round nickelodeon windows three feet apart They could be nxed so that only one window could be opened at time. While one customer was drinking all the oth- CTS would have to wait in line until he had paid with his own money Then this window would be closed and the next one would be opened"
 But wouldn't there be crush?"
 Not If every fellow had to buy his own
 -t<~t.4