davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
ke," repeated Johnnie, ITS
Editorial Verdict.

From a serious-minded jester the
editor received this note, together
with a consignment of humor that was
heavy enough to go by freight
Dear Sir: read all these jokes to
my wife, and she laughed heartily.
Now. have 1t on good authority that
when a mans wife win laugh at his
jokes they are bound to be very good
or she Is. Yours, ETC."
The editor slipped them into the re-
turn envelope with the letter, after
writing on the margin: She is
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
A Difference In penrae.

Il Just love cake" said Johnnie. feel
fngIy. It's awful nice"
You should not say love cake"
corrected his mother. You should
say like And do not say awful
say very And say good instead of
nice Now see If you can repeat the
sentence correctly"
Il like cake" repeated Johnnie, Its
very good"
That's better"
Il know, ma" complained Johnnie,
but 1t sounds just as II was talkin'
bout bread. '-Everybody.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

Helen's mother passed her the cake,
and when the little one went to reach
across the plate for the largest piece
her mother said: Always take the
piece nearest to you, dear"
Well, then, turn the plate around"
vas the answer.-Delineator
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

SPOHN'S DIsTEMPER CURE will
cure any possible case of DISTEMPER,
PINK EYE, and the like among horses
of all ages, and prevents all others in the
same stable from having the disease. Also
cures chicken cholera, and dog distemper:
Any good druggist can supply you, or send
to mfrs so cents and $l.00 a bottle. Agents
wanted. Free book. Spohn. Medical Cos
Spec Contagious Diseases, Goshen, Ind.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
Took II Out on the BOY.

What, you want a dollar for spend
ing money!" exclaimed Mr.. Tytes
look here. young man, when was
a boy my father never gave me dol
lar to spend foolishly. | was taught
to consider myself lucky il got a
nickel"
Well" protested Bobby, you don't
need to jump on me about 1t. Tell
your troubles to grandpa"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
silly Question.

HIm-Am | the first man you were
ever engaged to?
Her-Don't Insult me. You know
perfectly well that am rs years old.
Do look like lemon?
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
Office Boy lnstincts.

Contributor should like to leave
these poems with your editor. What
is the usual procedure? | haven't
done any magazine work before.
Office Boy-Well, The usual custom
is to leave 'em an call back in day
or so-and git en- New York Her
ala
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
HIS FATE.

Mr.. Dude-T was thinking how much
resemble your carpet-always at
your feet, you know.
Miss Sly-Yes, very much like my
carpet. I'm going to shake it soon.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

Man gives every reason for his con-
duct save one, every excuse for his
crime save one; every plea for his
safety save one, and that is cowardice.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
KIND HEARTED JANE.

Mistress-Have you made the chick
en- broth, Jane?
Jane-Yes, mum; and fed the chick
ems with 1t, ages ago!
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

ONLY ONE "BRoMO QUININE"
THAT Ia LAXATIVE BROMO QuIHINE. Look for
the signature Of 10. W. GROVE. Used the World
over TO Cure Cold In One Day. 26c.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
Prophecy Fulfilled.

"That baby, madam" said the doc
tor to the proud and happy mother,
"will make his mark in the world
some day"
Note the fulfllment of the predic-
ton.
In less than 16 years that boy was
the scoreboard artist in great base
ball park.-Chicago Tribune.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
Red. weak. Wear. Mnterx Eyes

Relieved by Murine Eye Remedy Com
pounded by Experienced Physicians. Com
forms to Pure Food and Drug Laws. Mu-
rine Doesn't Smart; Soothes Eye Pain.
Try Murine in Your Eyes. At Druggists.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

1t Cures While You Walk
Alien Foot-Ease for and bunions hot sweatJ
;allous aching feet. 25c all Druggists.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
SKIN ERUPTION CURED.

Was So Sore, Irritating and Painful
That Little Sufferer Could Not Sleep
Scratched Constantly.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

A cane is an old mans strength and
young mans weakness.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

A light heart lives long.-shakes-
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29

peare.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1909-01-29
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES

than One iOs aesaae oo
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Nothing Better Than Work,

Recently a man wrote 10 the New
York Times saying that he was little
more than fifty years of age, and hav-
ing worked all Of his life to acquire
enough money to make him independ-
ent. and having succeeded, he had re-
tired, and was now trying to make
himself happy with nothing to do. He
passed five hours day reading. three
hours in exercise and eating. which
left him eight hours. which he found
it hard TO dispose Of. His letter was
in the nature Of a lament. His bubble
had burst. What he had dreamed of
being able to do all his life had come
true, and was an empty vanity.
Foolish mani The independence that
money brings with it is the least of all
our independencies.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27

believe that the night riders in the
Reelfoot district have claimed victim
No. l. as they swore to avenge the
death sentence passed on six - their
band during the trials.
Haroldson was a member of the jury
that convicted the men who were tried
for killing Capt. Quenten Rankin.
Notes were received at that time swear
ing vengence on the jurors if they re-
turned a verdict of guilty.
When here Saturday, Haroldson told
his friends, including Thomas w. Fin
ley, that he might be killed at any
time. He said he realized that the
night riders had combined to seal his
doom.
1t is believed that haroldson was de-
coyed from the house and was hanged
by friends Of the six men he helped TO
condemn to the gallows.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
}Y he goDey-BaCk Cure jgF lnt!.
lfSli0n.

Nine times in ten stomach derange
mcnts are responsible for eallow com
plexlon, dull eyes and thin body.
1t j. the stomach that Supplies nour-
ishing blood to the muscles, The nerves
and skin. If the stomach is healthy.
plenty OF nutritious matter wd, b, n =
sorbed by the blood. Fiji is not h al
thy, the food will fermeu', and mil.
gested, viii pass along through the
bowels, furnishing so little oe the
nutritious matter that tn -
blood becomes impoveri-h ned. ard the
glow Of health vanishes.
If YOU suffer from ncrvousness. sick
headache, belchinR Of gas, sour tasta in
the mouth, heaviness after eating, or
any other miserable stomach disturb
ance, you need Mi-o-na, and the sooner
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
STATE EDITORS
TO MEET JUNE %,
Jas. t. faWCett. Editor of the
Hustler. to Read Paper
On Advertising"
WILL BE IMPORT
AMI MEETING.

The coming meeting Of the Kentucky
Press Association. which will be held
at Estell Springs, KY, near Irvine.
18th. TO continue through July lst,
promises to be made one of the most
interesting that body has held for
some time.
A debate on prohibition. discussion
Of reform and work Of women will be
some Of the features of the meeting.
James f. Fawcett, editor of the Hus.
tier. will read paper on How to Get
Advertising"
T. c. Underwood, first vice president
Of the association. is slated 10 sucr ed
to tha presidency for the ensuing ear.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
BISHOP GALLOWAY
HAS PASSED AWAY.
Noted ChurChman is Victim of
Pneumonia an d Heart
Trouble.
UNCONSCIOUS
FOR LONG TIME.

Jackson, Miss, May "a Bishop
Charles B. Galloway, Of the Methodist
Episcopal church. Mississippi's most
DISTINGUISHED divine and best known
publicist. who for the past twenty
years has held rank among the greatest
pulpit orators of America, died at his
residence in this city at o'clock this
morning. after an illness of several
days with mild form of pneumonia,
complicated with heart trouble.
The end was not unexpected Bishop
Galloway has been in dying condition
for eighteen hours, and the end was
momenta-ily expected.
He survived longer than the attend
ing physicians expected. and depite the
fact that he was in an unconscious state
showed wonderful vitality almost 10
the end.
The distinguished divine was taken
i'll last Friday while en- route from
Nashville, where he had attended he
annual session of the college of BIZ
shops.
Although his sickness caused appre-
hension among the family owing to the
fact that he had been in an enfeebed
condition for nearly three years, no
immediate alarm was felt until Mon
day night when hypostatic pneumonia
developed in one lung, and the pat Mt
commenced 10 grow worse ranidly.
passing into an uncoscious state. from
which he rallied only at brief interval
and during the final twelve homs Was
totally unconscious.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
SOME GOOD IN EVERY THING, Even a PACK OF CARDS,

man was taken magistrate playing services
in achurch.
"wel" he magistrate. what for YOURSELF
Il hope. Very good If notI will punish you
prayer book have nothing but
satisfy worship Of purity Of intentions And
spreading the cards beore the magistrate he began the act
When Isee heuce il reminds there is but one God
Iseeh deuce reminds Of Father and Son.
reminds of Father Sou and Holy Ghost
o that preached
Matthews Mark. Luke and John
When five O trimmed
lamps and five foolish and
castou
When see the six it reminds which God
heaven earth
day Hcrested from
the great he had cr,a and hallowed IT,
The:eieht reminds Of the eight righteous that saved
desoe Vord Noah Die wife with three d
Of er by
handed
to Moses tables O
king Of king heavens Almighty
The reminds OF the Of Sheba for she
fifty boys hfty
dressed alike King Solomon tell which boys and which
King Solomon washed clbow
and the boys o the wrist 81 solomon told by that
Well said the have good description Of all
the cards except
is
II will description Of wnot
Il will not" said magistrate. you knA,N
Wel said the 'he thai Of
BILE who brought whether
but ne 5 fool
spots pack Of find
days counting 6fy-two mary
weeks Of
find there twelve cards, there
pack Of cards Bible paye
book IMAM emergency.
discharged finding many god thoughts connected
with a
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Eat Nuts, Sleep IN a DrauJti

Boston. May II. DR.. John air.
head OF Boston's newest cul. he
"New Life" is certain that Pc has
discovered the secret of how a. M.gh
at cd age, and how 20 exist not only
for hundred but thousand wears
without pain, evil or sickness. BE says
$50, 600 people have enlisted under his
banner Here are his rules for living
to boz one thousand years old:
Dress ALWAYS in white. Wh..o il
the prime principle Of life. ! believe
there should be universal law making
it crime for any person to go atu..5
in black or dark apparel.
"Do not think Of death, do no: ho-
lieve in death.
Live principally upon veretah'a.
and nuts. Allure meat, milk. oil and
FISH Of all kinds, as well a. all 4tiir
lants.
"Sleep light hours daily, exercise
eight hours ard work eight hours.
"A mans most critical hours in the
day is the thirty minutes before and
after meals. he should absolutely
stop work half hour before each meal
and must not resume work until half
hour after each meal
Each person should be alone for
half hour each day, not necessarily to
sleep. but to get his mind in a condi
ton of natural and perfect repose.
"Sleep with your bedroom window
open every night all your lifetime.
Always have draught in your room.
"A daily menu would suggest would
be as follows:
Breakfast Honey toast, rarely
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
in he Cumberland river near Kuttawa,

IN he Cumberland river near Kuttawa.
-..---s-.----
was recovered Sunday morning about
800 yards tO.cw where he was drowned
by j. pocms, "A timber man.
In his clothing were found r fine gold
watch and chain. s22 in cash and pis
tol. He wore = diamond ring. Rear
den was drowned at the time Fred
Rinecolt, the fireman Of the boat. was
drowned, both being knocked in the
river by the wheel which they were
trying to turn. There is reward of
500 fer RearGen's body. = Hopkin ms
vile Kentuckian.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
I.C. train Runs Into
A Burning Bridge.

Morganfeld, KY, May "a. When the
north-bound |. &. Evansville train from
Princeton 10 Evansville approached
Anvil Rock, between DeKoven and
Morganf-ld, at $3.50 this m ,rring. t.e
bridge was discovered 90 g." on fir,.
The sharpest curve upon this me Of
road is at this point, bordering u~on
deep ravlne, and the discover. was
most fortunate. Two sections Of the
bridge had to he replaced oui the
trains Were delayed until noon
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Total Eclipse.

According TO the almanac a total
eclipse Of the sun is due on June II.
The eclipse will begin about 6 a. m.
and will be so complete that the entire
darkness will prevail and the chickens
will go 10 roost. The seventeenth is
also the date for the new moon and it
will travel right along with the sun
nearly all day, appearing as a bright
little ring -Kentuckian,
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Why
Some
Plays
Fail
By DANIEL FR0HNAN.

tai The interests YOU have added, II they cons
drama, will not give il life.
The vital interests Of play are and will always
remain elemental. The most sophisticated writer
he with the widest knowledge Of life, cannot write
successful play without appealing to emotions that
are primitive in us all. In running over the brief
list Of successful writers for the stage YOU may think
Of some who exceptions to this rule. But close
analysis of their pieces will prove that artfuy
Ealing art they do, their appeal made elemen-
bly, just the same.
An inevitable subject-one that everybody is in
rested Unjust be the heart of a play pumping
rc all through it, Love is one universal
l5ject that all races Of all ages have agreed upon is
theme for the theater II is not the only one-but
he others that will occur theatrical schemes for
coessful exploitation are as universal and elemental
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27

A play nay be technically well written,
follow all the recognized rules Of construc-
ton, tell an interesting story and by means
Of exccllently drawn and naturally devel-
oPed characters and yet fail. will tell
YOU why, in my judgment. It does 40.
Because, in spite Of all its good 1usli-
ties, some Of which | have enumerated, the
play lacks dramatic vi'slity II has no
genuine theatrica! interest.
The play ls for the theater-frst. last
and all the time Broaden the interests
of the stage as far as you will, they remain.
for successful plays, extremely circumstan-
ave added IL they constitute the hear. NJ .
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Office and at long intervals nm egg.

coffee and at long intervals an egg.
Dinner bowl Of soup made from
nuts or celery or potatocs, preferably
nuts; an apple on ai orange, with. FIR
variety. lettuce or radIshes; brown
bread.
"Supper-Apple PIE. fruit.
Il offer to every one VITO accepts
my faith not hundre d or two hundred
bat evef a thousand years of life if it
desired"
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
HuSiIlng Lot Of Wool.

One day last week II. l.. Culley and
two assistants sheared 354 pounds of
wool from 80 Co'swold sheep. Each
man averaged cu'tlng ll8 pounds and
each sheep aver1l" producing pounds
per sh eo. Or" Lamb weighed "a lbs.
and one lo"ga buck weighed 2iO pounds.
Siurgi, News Democrat
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Children Who are Sicily

Mothers who value their own comfort and the
welfare Of toTir children. should never be with
out a boN % Mother Crsys Sweet Powder for
Children. for use throughout the season They
b eak up Colds, Cure fcvcrishuess. Constipation.
I -Dfhi"g Disorders Headache and STOMACH trou
ol--. Thu ~ POWDERS NEVER FAIL Sold
ry al Diug stores, src. Don't accept any oh %.
ute. a al package will be sent FREE 20 any
mother who will address Allen S. Omstei Leroy
.r.lra---M D Apr t-l.Is. Nv y. / M b y
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Cured Her Turkeys.

T. G. Botkins. Paris, Ky, saws: "My
wife gave her turkeys Bourbon Poul-
try Cure when they were dying and it
cured them. II is the best remedy for
fowls we have ever used" Sold by
Haynes & Taylor.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
II Pays Well.

JACK Tay Tor, Briar Hill. Ky, says:
II never had hogs to fatten as wei.
Bourbon Hog Cholera Remedy tas paid
me at legst ten dollars Tor each }o,ar
! invested In the ramedr." Sol w
Haynes & Taylor.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
Killed by q Train.

Several people were found dead or
the street of Henderson Thursday
ever'0~. They were Knockers who
were killed by the Boosters Special
train.
The railroads viii not bee sued for
damages, as even the relatives Of the
knockers are glad they are dead. - Hem
derson Cleaner.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27

you get it the quicker you will be
healthier and happier.
1t will relieve any distressed stomach
condition almost Immediately. twill
cure if used according TO directions.
Haynes& Tvylor sell il for soc. large
box, and they think enough of it 10
guarantee il 70 cure Indigestion. g. 81
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
tGrn1dJ Strikes Kansas Town.

Concordia, Kan, May l7.-Three
persons were killed and ten or more
Injured by tornado, which wrecked
the town of Hollis near here. Every
building was wrecked or damaged.
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27
fOty OF DrCwgsd IAN Fund.

The body Of Harry Rearden, engi-
neer on the steamer Concrete, who was
drowned on the afternoon of May 2,
Crittenden record=press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1907-1909, 1909-05-27

a The interests have added If they constitute the heart Of
DRAMA will give it life.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1909-09-29
Batchelder-Beck.

The wedding Of Miss Helen Beck
and Leon c. Batchelder was quietly
solemnized at O'Clock Saturday af-
ternoo1 at the home of the groom.
Rev. w. A. Warner performed the GER
emony in the presence of the groom s
father, j. W. Batchelder, his aunt,
Mrs. May Shorey. and Mr.. and Mrs.
Nelson Hartman of st. Johnsbury.
Mr.. and Mrs. Batchelder left Monday
for a few days trip to Boston before
Mr.. Batchelder leaves October for
his trip of fifteen weeks to the Pacific
coast to play for the Redpath Lyceum
Bureau. Mr.. and Mrs. Batchelder will
be home to friends in Barton after
February 1st. Mrs. Batchelder was
graduate of st. Johnsbury academy,
class 1909 since which time she has
beer stenographer for the Berry Ball
company. Mr.. Batchelder is well
known as musician as we'll as socially
and he has host of friends who ex-
tend heartiest congratulations to Mr..
and Mrs. Batchelder for happy and
prosperous future.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1909-09-29
Silver Wedding.

A unique social event for Barton
was the silver wedding rendered Mr..
and Mrs. S. E. Winslow, Thurs day
evening September "a at Odd Fellows
hall. Friends and neighbors to the
number of one hundred were present
Mrs. Abbie Winslow, mother of Mr..
Winslow, Mrs. Mary J. Norris and
Mrs. George Jennings, mother and sis
ter of Mrs. WinsloW assisted in receiv-
ing the friends, who were ushered in
by Carl Hamblet, Franz Hunt and
Clayton Warner Moultop's orchestra
of Newport furnished good music
throughout the evening and short
program was rendered by home talent.
Mrs. Pillsbury and Mrs. Batchelder
played a piano duet. F. W. Baldwin
read two selections in the habitant di-
alect, Mrs. Stannard and Mrs. Batch
elder sang duet and C. B. Webster
sang twice. All the numbers were up
to the usual standard of the perform
ers and were enthusiastically received.
In behalf Of the Barton friends, Rev.
w. A. Warner presented Mr.. and Mrs.
Wlnslow with dinner set of Havi.
land china and Mr.. Winslow with a
silver headed cane. He spoke of the
customs of the orientals of setting up
milestones to mark their resting places
when making long pilgrimages. In
similar manner, he said friends wished
to mark this anniversary in the jour-
ney of this couple through life. The
other gifts sent by friends were sill
yer roll tray, a set of pearl handled
fruit knives, a pair of silver table
spoons, odd pieces of china, and a
purse of silver. At the close of the
pleasant social evening refreshments
of ice-cream and cake were served.
Mr.. and Mrs. Winslow were married
in Charleston twenty-five years ago
and lived in that town several years
before moving to Orleans. They have
lived in Barton fifteen years and the
good fellowship shown at this anniver-
sary was evidence of the friends they
have made here. Merrick, the youn-
gest of their two sons, was present but
the eldest son, John Raymond, is en-
gagged in mining engineering in Mon
tana and was unable to be present.
Friends from out of town present at
the wedding were Mrs. Olin Rowell
and daughter of Albany, Mr.. and Mrs.
Allen Gilmour of Glover and Mr.. and
Mrs. M. M. Taplin of Orleans. Best
wishes were left Mr.. and Mrs. Wins.
low for another twenty-five years of
life together filled with happiness
and prosperity.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1909-09-29

Ex. Gov G j. Bell of Walden, died
on train in the New York central
station of heart failure. The boGy
was brought to Vermont Mon lay, and
he funeral held at Walden this after
noon. Fellow passe neers noticed
that he slipped from his seat just after
entering the car, and went to his as
sistance, but life was extinct before a
physician could be secured ard only
oy means of paper found in his pock-
ct was he identified. He bad not been
well of late and had one Or two sink
ing spells and was leaving New York
before the Hudson Fulton celebration
was over because of i'll health but
n )thsng serious WAS anticipated. He
was governor in 1904