davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
Bones and Their Places.

It was colloQuy at north Sic. butchers shop. Oh" ea!d the litte woman, "that's an awful big bone ! that small steak don't like to ha3 to pay for all bono
 "Yes sm," said the butcher politely but with a touch of Irony ill his af swer, 'that do seem to be good de" of bone, but the animals what's con in to this market now seems to hay more or less bone in 'em. And reall' as animals is built now don't zee hf's they can get along without bones.'
 "That may all be true said the lI' tie woman, and there was wicket t1Rinkle in her eye. but this morning found a good sized bone in the sat sage, and leave it to you, honest now don't you think that is going little to' far?"
 And the butcher could not say word in reply ply.--1ndianapolis News.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
Incidental Music.

One afternoon couple from an ad Joining town presented themselves to $ Boston divine and asked to be mar, lied just as he was about to enter Il" pulpit to conduct an afternoon servic' The minister replied that he reGTette' that he could not at that moment com ply with their wish, but that immedi ately upon the conclusion of the serv ice he would take pleasure in perform Ing the ceremony. The lovers after demurring seated themselves in tht rear of tie church. When the minister had finished the service he made tll' following announcement: "The partie> who are to be joined in matrimon: will present themselves at the chance. immediately after the singing of hymn 413. IMistaken Souls That Dream {" He4x3n "~Exchange.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
oher.dan's Double Marrlaes,

It was In 1851 that the Gretna c;rsau marriages were made Illegal. \ glance at its registers may yet inspire the novelist of the future. One entry wlh be sure 10 puzzle. vice within I few days occurs the record Of the uiT. 5..t:t of Richard Brinsley Sheridan tu T Grant There was only otie +. E % only one bride for the same geutleInaG The double entries are not tHe rpsus. a. any blunder on tlIe part of tBe Rts MT. Vulcan. The parties We're rea-4 swicn married at Gretla Green &rss Ing c1 a sunday they Were duly wp. ded, and sped away to EliuIUr.
 There, however, sheridan ch4nced
 dance at newspaper in Hh;rA sa. ,eared the Icubratons of I tauEt.
 n these plainly stated was the ta-. hat no coptract executed on q SuH#. k binding. Clearly, then, their wa5. ding was no: icgal. Back to f;rot1. Green they s,'url.icd, to he rer.a.'ra, ou q week .iG.y and leave tue dual l.. ord to perpieX later generations z sympathetic searchers of the record3-- St. James Gazette.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
Bia Jumps by Rabbits.

How fast do hares and rabbits run Perhaps you have wondered while ou cunning and watched the elusive ami malls speeding away. According to J G. Millais. the length of hare's strid, h about four feet, while that of ra' bit is about two feet Under cond tons of fear the hare is said to lea, ton to twelve feet. some authoritie' claiming that 1t can jump ditches ter to twenty-five feet in width. A hart can jump upward perpendicularly fv| leet, Rabbits can make leaps of six o' seven feet horizontally. but canno' jump higher than three feet. Whe' compelled to do %, 1t Is said, rabbit' ean swim as we'll as dogs.-Philade' phia North American.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
A prIaht Bird.

11he cuckoo >is, as likely to steal its aeet q to make 1t. but this fact doe' not take from the point of tho follow ng pun, quoted from Short Stories:
 A youns Engilshman being asked al dinner whether he would have some birds nest pudding, said, turning to hls hostess: "Ah, yes. Bir1's nest pud dlne. and what kind of a bird ma! have made itr'
 "Oh, 1t was the cook who made II. l. was her prompt reply.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
MARINELLO HAIR DRESSING PARLORS
 at THE GRAND LEADER.

Manicuring, Hair Dressing and a'l work in that line Only white Hair Dresser in the city. Scientific Seal, Treatment; also warts and moies re- moved. Old phone 376. Engagements made by appointment.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
RAILWAY SCHEDULES.
COTTON BELT,
HANS

TRAINS Net No Leaves Pine uun Il
 I.yuis N7. Leaves Pine Bluff 1:o7 Iii. N,nahi~
 6:&5 No. Leaves Pine Bluff Ii. No - Leaves Pine Bluff :5oI Lul, Rock. 52o p Local No 6o Leaves Pine Huff shops It a. n. PIE h1t1- No Il Leaves Pin, IL
  P.f .AI}f No ' ln. Soath ? f;a0 2.}"
 TeNarNna 920 m. Leaves Memphis 9o rs. 3t ? + &}o 3f. F5N
 T.
 Memphis 1. ? > 2:19 ar Tex ark |
 leujs &si5 F : 70 Tex
 
 No | Leaves oek j gr p ?. . | :.
 No Leaves l. Hs.,f r. H. !4z&a Local No a Leaves B. Iii FntSht House PI.AfiI; lo. I. No Daily Sunday 101o q
 S. L.. l. M and Depart North }dht oaI'' No 10 No '"o a I'll No 1t:t1 No 1ott-s. 4."e f. if No nj. 1'o 1 h. daily
 n. tast West on Depart
 D. Daily.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29


 \ q &U.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
Not Always.

Remember, ny boy" said Unc'' James as he gave Bobby a coin, "tll' < you take care of the pennies 1h billings will taKe care of themselves Bobby looked a trifle dubious.
 Fl do take care of the pennles.' h plied. but as soon as they get to l. Killings pa takes care of 'em. ."-l"h o Tit-Bits.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29
TonsorIal Artistry.

Customer facetiously)-Do you sur pose you can cut my hair without mah 9ng mo look like an idiot? Barber (dt A6fatlyeIt will be a pretty difacuI khlnR to do, but will try.-Lippincott' 0Agazine.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-29

Oayine well causse a laugh. Doing M causes silencA-vrench psOvero.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
Bond Issue In a WhirlWlnd

Romaine Boyd thinks the prohibition question dominated last Saturdays election, rendering it illogical and con- fusing so far as the bond issue was concerned. No doubt this question did complicate the voting. But upon the indifference of Birmingham voters rests the chief responsibility, although the unreasoning jealousy of voters in Ensley and Bessemer contributed no little to the result.
 Beyond these influences come many well-meaning voters who, dislilking an increase in the county's bonded debt, stood ready to say, Do away with the fee system and no additional jail or courtroom facilities will be needed" :" This sentiment was freely expressed, and it alone may have been prevalent enough to have defeated the bond is sue.
 Whether this be so or not it becomes the duty of every good citizen to press to accomplishment the fee issue. The subtle power in all elections must be cut out root and branch. That power is felt in an underground way in all elec- tions in this county, and no reform, no progress, becomes possible until it is eliminated.
 The subject should be brought before the special session of the legislature. It should be pressed early and late un- Ill the courthouse rings become serv- ants instead of masters of the people. Those citizens who voted against the bond issue because an elimination of the fee system would relieve both the jail and the courtrooms should lead the way in this great movement against the oppression of the weak and hum ble by fee-fattening officials.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
What Is a Gun?

"How does 1t happen that the edu- cated southern people will persist in initiating the negro in their selection of words?" inquired man recently come from one of the New England states. T have heard lawyers judges and prominent business men use the word gun when the article referred to was really revolver Sometimes the gun becomes a pistol, which is almost as incorrect.
 Again, one may hear a person say he was mad when he means to say he was angry, and when you are told a certain man Is mean you don't know whether he Is vicious or sick These are not the dictionary meanings of the words and are never used in such a sense by accurate writers or speakers.
 "The negro of the Uncle Remus type is a most interesting talker because he employs words with more regard to sound than signifcation; but when a white man or woman talks about feel ing mean after eating, or being mad about something, or carrying gun concealed on their person the dictionary is at discount"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
DIR. HALE'S STRIKING APPEAR
 ANCE

Charles F. Scott in the lola Register.
 As he apeared to us in these last few years, Edward Everett Hale was a most unique and striking figure. He must have been considerably over six feet tall and even yet his frame was broad and massive and his carriage erect He wore a full beard which was still more brown than gray, as was his abundant hair, which was always worn long hair with the massive head and great brown eyes gave his face leonine look of singular power and in tellectuality and grave dignity. lie ordinarily wore the long black robe of the Episcopal clergy, although he was himself a Unitarian, and its flowing lines added still further to the impress siveness of his appearance. His duties as chaplain of the Senate required only a daily prayer, but he made this simple service seem like a ceremonious and important function by the manner Scripture which always preceded the prayer and by the remarkable phras- ing and thought of the prayer itself, to- gether with the impressiveness and solemnity with which 1t was uttered. The thought which involuntarily arose to the mind of nearly every one who heard him was that here one of the old Hebrew prophets was again in- carnated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
About the Only Way Out

Since the government must raise ad- ditional revenue to meet heavy deficit a tax on the net earnings of corpora tions' is about the best way to do it. No tax can ever be popular A stamp tax Is the easiest collected. It can not be evaded and the expense of col lecting 1t entails almost no expense on the government, But stamp tax is especially unpopular and is regarded by the people as an emergency meas ure, justifiable only In time of war.
 A personal income tax will some day become law, but in the present ex- igency the corporation tax is practical fly the only way out of the difficulty. At any rate the administration and the republican leaders have agreed on this expedient and the bill which the Attorney General and Senator Root are framing as a result of Sunday nights White House conference. is almost sure to pass.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
ENTERPRlsINe YOUTH.

From the St. Louis st-Dispatch.
 A boy of r was caught delivering bogus telegraphio death messages at 75 cents to N apiece early Friday morning. On the same day a youth tried to do s50OO worth of business with a railroad com pany on the basis of threat to blow up the tracks. In the same issue of the Post-Dispatch containing accounts of juvenile enterprises is a dispatch telling how some New Jersey boys have got into the habit of going to school drunk.
 There is something very engaging in these evidences of youthful vim and en- terprise. The boys of this country are not slow, and they ought to be forgiven for their mistakes in business in consider ation of their manifest good intentions. Thus, the youngster who sold bogus tele- grams, 75 cents apiece, probably had heard of hotations of bogus stocks. And if one bogus thing is good to sell why not another? It is a crude attempt to apply the methods of popular finance to the pressing problems of existence. And the young man who tried to extract the $50OO by a threat to wreck the road did no more than has often been done by older and wiser heads. How many rall- roads have been wrecked because they could not or would not comply with the demands of able fnanciers? As to the New Jersey boys, are they not conform ing strictly to the usages of good society? The newspapers have contained sworn testimony that a lady now unfortunately engaged in litigation, has often been drunk; in fact it is said drinking is habitual, and the custom is known to ob- tain in our best society. In fact, it Is the correct thing.
 The quick understanding, bold enterprise and subtle sensibilities of American youth are beyond all praise. They learn their lessons and better the instruction. If they continue to develop their powers in this surprising fashion we shall soon have to build more jails and reforma- tories, models of architectural skill, at which we can point with pride.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22

required to have a good knowledge of international, commercial and mari time law and of jurisprudence as a science, and the rules of examination practically confne the eligible list to graduates of law schools.
 Under the old spells system consuls were examined after they received their appointments but such examina- tions amounted to a farce. Now, in addition to a knowledge of law, the man who reaches the eligible list must be able to write and speak grammati- cally one modern language besides his own. If he can speak several Ian guages so much the better In the case of Frank Deedmeyer of Birming- ham, who has been confirmed by the Senate as consul at Charlottetown, P. E. l., passed on five or six languages.
 Other subjects on which the consular candidate Is examined are the natural industrial and commercial resources of the United States; political economy; American history, government and in- stitutions; political and commercial geography; arithmetic. and the his tory of Europe South America and the far east since 1850. ..
 Thus it is seen that the consular service of this country is being raised to the level of that of Germany, Great Britain and France. In those countries none but educated and trained men can become consuls. While our diplo- matic service has not yet been put on a civil service basis, the tendency is in that direction. Within the past three or four years the embassies have been filled usually by promotion from the less important missions or by the promotion of a first secretary.
 A feature of the improved consular service is that which provides for the promotion of the especially capable consuls to the diplomatic department
 MT. Deedmeyer, who now enters the consular service, is a democrat and a strict party man. He was selected from large eligible list and the fact that an Alababma democrat was chosen when republicans were on this list eager to be appointed, indicates that President Taft's attitude toward the south is along the line of his pre- inauguration promises.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
Illinois Primary Laws

When Governor Deneen of Illinois saw that public sentiment demanded state primary law he fairly forced the politicians to permit the legislature to pass a direct primary law. The state supreme court just as promptly upset it. Governor Deneen at once recon vened the legislature. The laws of other states were carefully studied, and pretty soon a second direct pri- mary bill was passed The state su- preme court vetoed it as it had it's predecessor. Again the legislature met and a third direct primary law was passed, great care having been taken to avoid the objections of the supreme court to the two first bills. But the supreme court squelched No. because it provided that nobody could vote in the primaries unless he was a mem- Der of a party and a duly registered voter. The independent voter and the voter who had been unable to register complained, and the supreme court stood by them.
 Charles S. Deneen Is still governor of Illinois, and he stands stanchly by the people who desire freedom from the politicians. He may call a special session of the legislature, and his de- termination may yet be rewarded. Other states have encountered like troubles, but all have in the end se- cured popular direct action. Califor- mia was compelled to change it's con stitution before the courts would per init a primary system to become law, and Wisconsin's supreme court also tried to veto the primary proposition. It won out at last in Wisconsin, and so it will in Illinois, and all other states.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
Public Schools Needs

State Superintendent Gunnels con. siders the weak spots in the public school system of this state to be three fold, namely, supervision of rural schools, need of local taxation and compulsory education, and it is plain he thinks the first-named should have precedence.
 He speaks from personal knowledge and actual experience when he says of the county superintendents Many of them could not get a third-grade certificate if they were to work for it whole year: they have not written
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
lN HOTEL LOBBlES
CaIlino the Bully.

An Atlanta drummer tells the following story:
 A few summers ago l took my wife and children to a small watering place in the mountains of north Georgia for my two weeks vacation. To reach the place we had to go by mule wagon sev- eral miles across the mountain from the nearest railroad station.
 On the way over we passed through a mountain hamlet with one main street. When We had traversed about half way through this street we were startled by the report of a pistol. At the same in- stant rough mountaineer appeared on the street waving a gun and daring any man, woman or child to stick his head out of doors. Everybody disappeared in- stantly and doors and windows were barred
 We were in @ most embarrassing sit uation. The driver of the two-mule wagon in which we were being trans ported to the springs pulled up the ami mals, and all we could do was to wait for developments. There seemed to be no escape for us. But the bully paid no attention to us He continued to four ish his ugly looking weapon and call for somebody to come out. He seemed to be frantic for somebody to shoot at.
 After about a minute, which seemed to me almost my entire two weeks vaca- ton, an old woman appeared in the door of the postoffice with piece of scantling in her hand. We were mortified at the of a ft.ao .ald appeared to be feeble and stumbled little as she advanced on the maneater.
 The bully leveled the gun on her and with all sorts of bitter paths ordered her to stop or he would blow out her brains. She paid no attention whatever to the threats, but advanced steadily in the face of the gun.
 When she was in reach of the man she delibefately pasted him on the side of the head with the scantling laying him sprawled out on the ground. She picked up the gun, which had fallen to the ground, and placing one foot on the bully's head in the dust, she belabored him with the piece of timber until he said he had enough.
 "She allowed him to rise, and after in forming him that he could get his gun back by calling on the sheriff at the coun- ty seat next day. she told him to move out of the town at once and to never come back until he had grit enough to carry out his threats or learned to be gentleman in the presence of ladies'
 Tt only took that bully about two min utes to hide himself around the spur of the hill down the road.
 T stopped long enough to learn from the woman that she did not know the man, but it was her rule never to allow any man to use profane language in her presence.n
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
ReOrganized Consular Service

The consular service of the United States, recently reorganized on non- partisan basis, is expected to reach a high degree of efficiency. Under an act of Congress approved in April, 1906, President Roosevelt issued an executive order in June of that year which puts all consular officials, in- cluding consuls-general, in the civil service class; but before anyone can be examined for the eligible list he must be especially designated for ex- animation by the President. This makes the selection of consuls some- what like the selection of cadets-at- large for the Military Academy and the Naval Academy When a consular vacancy occurs the President fills 1t by appointment from the eligibles or by promotion, "by and with the con- sent of the Senate" and a man once a consul cannot be removed or dis placed except for just cause. In other words, his position is as secure as that of the officer of the army or navy.
 In the consular service there are 57 consuls-general and 250 consuls, not including deputies, or agents. They are classified and are paid entirely in salaries, Congress having abolished the old fee system. In former years American consular officers received their appointments by reason of polit- ical influence. Among the largest party plums were the offices of consult general, the fees piling up in one case to $40,000 or more a year, and in sev- eral cases to between $20,000 and $25,- 900. And plain consulships, no mat ter what the places yielded in the way of fees, were regarded as exceedingly important from the party patronage point of view, commercial fitness on the part of the consul being of sec ondary consideration.
 Tn the reorganized service the con- sul-general at London and the consul general at Paris receives each a salary of $12,000. Those two officials consti- tute class 1. In class are Berlin, Hamburg, Havana, Hong-Kong, Shang- hai and Rio de Janeiro, and the salary for those places is $S000. Consuls-gen- eral are classified down to ', the small est salary for the lowest grade being s30OO. The 25O consuls are divided into nine classes with salaries ranging from s200O year in class to sSO0O in class 1.
 The examination for the eligible list is comprehensive and yer Astif. but not too exacting, unless possibly it be in the matter of law. The aspirant IS
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
WALKING IN THE RAIN.

From the London Times.
 We ought to be out in the rain more than we are and to take the same pleas ure in 1t that the thirsty plants take Even in London one can feel some of the de- light of rain in the parks, and it Is pleas ant to see the trees and flowers getting a washing and to hear country sounds and smell country scents among them. But any one who would enjoy the full pleasure of rain must leave his umbrella behind him. Rain falling on an umbrella loses all it's magic and becomes mere nuisance at once. If you want so much protection against it, better stay indoors and have the more thorough protection of a roof.
 To enjoy the rain you must lay your self out to enjoy it and start with the intention of getting wet. A compromise Is worthless. Perhaps the best place for enjoying 1t is a wood of deciduous trees, not because they give shelter from it but because they make so much of it. null tiplying with their leaves the sound of the falling drops. There is always some thing disconsolate about rain on a bare heath, however thirsty the heath may be, but wood seems to give 1t a warm welcome and to pass it on like good news from the higher branches to the lower and from them to the rejoicing earth. Rain, of course, is delicious in the garden, but there, after a drought, you are tempted to watch It's action upon each particular plant and so you are in dan ger of catching a chill. You must walk in the rain if you are to enjoy it safely, and there is no greater pleasure than to walk through lane and wood and meadow and to share the delight of each in a long desired downpour.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-06-22
CaIhoun's Grandson.

Patrick Calhoun, formerly of Georgia, but now of San Francisco. Is a grandson of John c. Calhoun, and is therefore not descendent of Patrick Henry, as the cor respondent of the Associated Press made It appear in Sunday nights dispatch, said personal friend of MT. Calhoun.
 "The Calhouns, think, were not related at all to Patrick Henry's descendants. There was certainly no close relationship. Patrick Henry was not only great ora tor, but he was a good deal of states man; but in the philosophy of politics and intellectual statesmanship he was not in a class such as John c. Calhoun after ward adorned"