The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-06
BROTHER GARDNER.
Some Good. Advice to Departino
Members.

my fren's," said Brother Gardner.
of the Lime Kiln club, after the rou-
tine business had been disposed of. at
have few remarks to remark dis eve
MIN, and If Brudder Beloved Harkins
am in de hall will begin on him.
The brother was present, and as he
came forward, the president looked
him over in benevolent way and con-
tinued
"Brudder Harkins, you fined dis
club eight years ago, and you has been
yolved de task of stealin' huff bar'Is
and boxes from de grocerys to keep
our stove gwine durin' de cold weather.
and not once has you failed us. You
has also been chairman of de commit
lee on de sick, and wheneber you has
Feard of case of de measles or
humps you has been right dar to
sympathize and condole. Take it all
sround, you may be proud of your
record
Brother Harkins tried his hardest to
blush, and the president smiled and
went on:
You am gwine to sever your con-
nection wild dis club by movin' UP to
Troy and gwine into de pie bizness.
You am to make all sorts of pie and
peddle 'em about fur 10 cents EACH
Am correct in my statements? ?"
Eyes, sah.''
Troy am center of wealth and
culcher, Brodder Harkins Dew makes
stoves up dar, but dey also makes
statesmen and poets. Dey haven't got
any sky-scrapers AZ stories high. but
dey can't be fooled on no gum-games
Don't you go sloshin' around up dar'
wild de idea dat dey have never had
circus in dat town. Dey was castin'
tells in dat town when Christopher
Columbus diskibered America. If he
lad only hit de Hudson river he would
f have sailed right up to Troy and
Yes. sah," replied the brother.
You will have the feelin' dat you
come from New York. but don't let dat
lift your heels too high. You'll have
to pay your house rent de same as if
you came from Podunk. And up dar'
dey have got an idea, and am purity
nigh right about it dat to lib in New
York man has got to first serve an
apprenticeship in Sing Sing We has a
few tall buildings and three murders a
Gay to brag of, but outsiders don't
take de same view we do
mo, sah.''
"Troy was eatin' pies when your
grandfather was baby. Brudder Har-
kins. You can't fool her on pies. She
nas run through de scale from rhubarb
to mutton. If you kin turn out pie
tc please her your fortune am assured
II you can't, you'll be finincial
wreck in month. Mix your pies wild
care Don't put up any half-peach
ana half-huckleberry- Make a straight
pie. wild real lard fur shortnin'. and
trust to Providence fur de rest
Use gwine to foller dat line, sah."
AND about de social part of it
Brudder Harkins. 1t may be a hull
Eontn befo your wife am overwhelm-
ed wild callers. De folks up in Troy am
rather skeary of newcomers. Dey
wait to see 'em shake up, Fur dis
reason you had better be seen at
church as often as possible, and it will
be better to fling 10 pennies into de
mo- Jingle you make in church de bet
ter fur you. Heah in New York you
have been in de habit of walkin'
around nights. Don't do it up dar. De
nag on your shoulder and your color
Will be agin you, chen if you am half
q mile from de nearest hen-roost.
Heah in New York you kin stand in
'front.' of a butcher shop at 10 O'Clock
ct night and gaze your fill at a ham
hangin' out Troy got over confidin'
her police find culPd man and a ham
&c okin' each odder in de face one of
en- Is mighty apt to be sent up fur 80
days"
Il don't like smoked ham, sah." re-
piled Brother Harkins.
Ize glad to hear dat. Dat makes
your path much clearer. Be honest
and be truthful Mebbe de Troy folks,
hein' SO closely connected wild New
York, have got in de habit of Iyin and
sraftin', but take de chance dat dew
am without guile up dar Make all
your pies as good as de sample. If
de pumpkin crop fails on you don't
Try to wiring in squash as Jest as good.
When you pass your word to a man
mold it sacred. If you tell him it's
100000 miles to de sun he may go
away belivin' you am a liar, but bime-
! y nell find out dat you told him de
truth and glib you credit fur it. OATS
all, Brudder Harkins, and now you
to Brudder Truthful White
Brother White was sound asleep in
his chair, but Brother Jones kindly
lifted him to his feet by Selling his
wool, and when he was fairly awake
The president said:
Brudder White, you has also been
honored member of dis Lime-Kiln
club. I can't say dat you started out
Jest right, bekause your object seemed
to be to sell de members a prepara-
shun to take de kinks out o. DER ha'r,
hut arter we had taken de kinks outer
GU dar' was a change fur de better.
You has been chairman of de enter
tainment committee fur de last To-
bill bang-up. We has nebber met heah
a single even dat we didn't have lem
onade, bananas or watermelon. You
has never asked de club fur any money
to pay fur dose things, and I have
been forced to de belief dat you am
a very lucky pusson to escape de
police de way you have.''
Brother White smiled and winked at
Brother Green, but had no explana-
ton handy.
And now you am goin away, Brud-
der White. As I understands it, you
am gwine to Schenectady to enter up
on de bizness of whitewashin' and
stove-blackin'. De two professions am
.nseparably connected. and / hope you
will not try to devide 'em. Taken to-
gether and pushed wild ardor, dey have
laid de foundashuns of many noble
fortunes. Schenectady may not appre-
ciate Won for some months after onen-