Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-06-17

| COullOl u III a nOnAC VI hAo OhA 1ndh
when knocking around in hotels by
himself" and he invariably added, 1T
doesn't cost so much"
Whipple, like many others, desired
to make a good appearance and enjoy
every comfort, while begrudging the
money it took to pay for it.
The comforts that he talked of were
due to Lily's ingenuity, thrift and self
sacrifice, and not to his liberality, as
he so fondly imagined.
"Sit here, Mr.. Sterling" said Lily,
when dinner was announced.
AS Sterling seated himself he felt
the chair sway under him. Some
thing was evidently wrong with its
underpinning. By slyly experimenting,
he discovered that the chair was liable
to collapse with any sudden move
ment, so he sat stiff and erect. scarce
ly daring to reach for his napkin.
The napkin had a hole IN it, through
which he put his hand and regarded it
contemplatively. Whipple had n in
as bad condition, if not worse; so had
mother and Lily. They quickly
dropped them from sight and began
to talk with embarrassed haste, all
except mother; she was as seren as
a day in June.
Mary brought on the soup. Whipple
passed the crackers, and discovered
that the cracker jar concealed a large
patch on the tablecloth.
The cut-glass carafe stood over a
hole, and Whipple dared not move the
butter dish for fear of what he might
expose.
Mary removed the soup plates and
brought in the covered vegetable
dishes.
81 tell you, Sterling, nothing like
home cooking" said Whipple in his
boastful voice, pleasantly anticipating
the piece de resistance for which Mary
had gone to the kitchen.
The corners of mothers mouth
twitched, and Sterling remarked po-
litely that "he supposed not"
Mary came in bearing a platter upon
which rolled, like so many marbles,
six hard balls of chopped meat, the
soup meat in disguise.
whats this we have?" inquired
Whipple blankly.
Meat balls" replied mother in her
sweetest and suavest tones.
Sterling pinched himself under the
table to keep back the fiendish desire
he had to yell when Whipple, after
pursuing one of the little hard balls
around and around the platter with a
spoon, finally captured it on the side
and tried to mash it. 1t few from
under the spoon like quicksilver, and
another exciting chase ensued before
he finally got it on S~terling's plate.
In the covered dishes were boiled
turnips, onions and potatoes.
The conversation during the meal
was forced, except by mother. 1t was
hard to be gay on turnips, but mother
dubbed over with good humor, and
Whipple's silent prayer was that the
meat ball would choke her to death.
Every time Sterling thought of the
comforts of home" he had a fit OF
coughing that made his chair sway to
and fro till the chills crept up and
down his spine.
Pass the coffee, Mary" said Lily,
with a sigh of relief that the end was
in sight. A hectic flush had risen on
Whipple's cheek bones. AS he raised
the a~fter-dinner cup to his lips, looking
~fearfully about, as if wondering if
there was anything moro that could
happen, the cup dropped off the han
die. Lily gave a cry and Whipple exc,
cuted a war-dance as the scalding cot
fee burned him. Sterling started vic.
lently as he heard the crash. His
chair collapsed and he fell in a heap,
striking his head against the side.
board with a force that made him see
stars.
Mother rushed around to see if he
had hurt his spine," while Lily wiped
coffee from the wrathful Whipple's
waistcoat.
why that must have been the cup
: Thai L IUClC6u udu LlG uduQlS SlueQ
on" said mother innocently, and
Whipple glared at her with dark suspi-
cion.
That night, while Sterling was
vending his way to his hotel, ponder
ing upon the "~whichness Of the what.
ness" of some people, and of Whipple
in particular, that person was search.
ing his pockets for greenbacks, which
he turned w to Lily with an air of
righteous Indignation and the en-
phatic remark that If she didn't open
an account with the butcher and baker
and buy some new table-linen, dishes,
and chairs, and whatever she needed,
they'd shut up the whole shooting.
match" and board.
Lily, who was a wise woman, said
nothing, but slipped upstairs later and
Rugged her mother.
Squared Accounts.
Among the veteran "Jayhawkers'