The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-21
How Maize Came Through

But Euphemia amt got any idea of
turnin' her head. She has them peace
ful eyes of hers glued to Sadie's copper
hair, and she's eontented to yank away
at her cud. For a consistent and per-
SEVERN masticator, she has our friend
Fletcher chewed to a standstiII.r Maizie
is soon satisfied with her survey
ThatI do, take it away" says she.
IF / ever get real stuck on myself.
I'll have something to remember. But,
as l was ssyin', this is no case of an
escape from the poorfarm. We wore
these Hetty Green toys when We left
Dobie.''~
'.Dobie?" says l.
Go on, Taught" says Maize "Dobie' s
the biggest joke and the slowest four
corners in the state OF Minnesota. and
that's putting it strong. Look at Phe-
mey; she's native"
Well, we looked at Phemey. Couldn't
help it. Euphemia don't seem to mind.
She don't even grin; but just goes on
workin her jaws and lookin' placid
'Out in Dobie that would pass for
Mysteries" says Maize. 'The only way
they could account for me was by say
ing that was born crazy in another
state. " had a good many kinds of
hard luck; but being born in Dobie
wasn't one Of the varieties.
Now can you stand the story OF my
Hfe?''
Miss Dickens" says I, I'm willin
to pay you by the hour
1T isn't SO bad as all that" says she
because precious little has ever hap
pened TO me. It's what's going to hap
pen that I'm living for. But, to take
fair start, well begin with dad. When
they called him Sport Dickens, they
didn't stretch their imagination. He
was all that-and not much else. All I
know about NAV is that she was one
of three. and that 7 was born In the
back room of a Denver dance hall. I've
got a picture of her, wearing tights
and a tin helmet, and dad says she was
a hummer. He ought to know; he was
a pretty good judge.
AS I wasn't much over two days old
when they had the funeral. can't add
anything more about NAV. And the
history / could write of lad would
make g mighty slim book. Running
roller skating Kinks was the most gen
teel business ne ever got into. 1 guess
His regular profession was fCrO. It's
an unhealthy game, especially in those
gold camps where they shoot 50 i'm
petous. He got over the effects OF two
SIS dealt him by a half-breed Sioux;
but when a real bad man from Taun-
across the table with q .45, he just nat
uraily got discourag ed. Good old dad,
He meant we'll when he left me in
Dob;e and had me adopted by Uncle
Hen. Phemey, you needn't listen to
this next chapter
Euphenla, she misses two Jaw
strokes in succession, rolls her eyes at
Maize May for q second. and then
strikes her reg lar gait again.
Excuse her getting excited like
that" says Maize, but Uncle Hen
that was her old man, Of course
hasn't been planted long. lie lasted
until three weeks ago. lie was an aw-
ful good man, Uncle Hen waste him
self. He had the worst case OF ingrow-
ing religion you ever saw. Why, he had
a thumb felon once. and when the doc
tor came to lance it Uncle Hen made
him wait until he could call il the min
lister. so it could be opened with prayer.
Sundays he made us go To church
twice, and the rest of the day he talked
TO us about our souls Between times he
ran the Palace Emporium; that is. he
and l and a. half-baked Swsde hy the
name of Jens Torkil did. To LOOK at
Jens you wouldn't have thought he
could have been taught the difference
between a can of salmon and a patent
corn planter; but say, Uncle Hen had
him trained to make short change and
weigh his hand with every piece Of salt
pork, almost as slick as he could dc it
himself
"All had to do was to Tend tho dry