The San Juan islander. [volume] (Friday Harbor, Wash.) 1898-1914, 1909-05-07
Good
Short Stories
~o~~~

MrA Nurlcn was IN the Jewelry store.
Here are some new souvenir spoons
we have just got In" said the clerk,
placing a tray for her inspection. "Oh,
amt those lovely! !" she exclaimed. 81
must have some Of those! Our cook
makes such lovely souvenir
Others may have said the same thing,
but this rather unsympathetic comment
Is attributed to the late Judge Hoar:
Are you going to attend the funeral
Of General Butlerw a friend. asked him.
NO." was the calm reply. mo, l am
not going to attend-but I heartily ap-
prove of it."
When Bonaparte Blubell announced
his engagement to Lily Doe everybody
In the blacksmith's shop congratulated
him on winning such a Woodworking
and ~forehanded mate. But Erastus
Coke remarked: "Peared lax you
wouldn't never speak up, Bonaparte.
It's going on six months sence you be-
gun to fiddle roun' Lily" Oats so,''
Bonaparte frankly admitted, but 1
didn't lose NAH Job till las night"
An enlisted man at the post Of Fort
LeavenwOrth was not long ago ordered
to the range for the first time for tar
get drill. Out Of twenty-one chances
the newcomer never made a hit. "Oh,
you dub" exclaimed an officer stand
ing near. you've missed the target
every time! What's the matter?''
"Wcll, SIR" answered the recruit, non
c%halantly. 1.-The only reason 1 can think
Of at present is that the person who
set up my target hasn't placed it in a
straight line from here"
One Of the leading comedians of the
Frankfurt Theater in Germany went
to the director and asked for an ad-
vance on his weeks salary. The books
showed that the whole amount had al
ready been drawn, and the director
said NO" Very good" said the ac-
tbr; 'then I shall refuse to go on to-
night" The director saw that it was
dangerously near curtain time and re-
luctantly gave the actor the amount
asked for, but said: Remember, sir,
this is nothing short of extortion. and
a cowardly n at that" Not at all,
Herr Director" said the actor, stufing
the money in his pocket, my name is
not on the bill for tonight, anyway"
Sir Charles Wyndham Speaking at
a dinner) told Of a young man he once
heard Of who was paying attention 10
a lady, to the great disgust Of her
father, who demonstrated very
kindly with him. The father said: "If
1 see you in this house again l shall
kick you out" The young man came
back the very next day. II told you
what would happen" said the father,
and it did happen The young man
did not appear for about five weeks,
and then II day the father saw him
coming toward the house, and immedi-
ately went and opened the front door.
Haven't you had enough?" said the
old man. "Have you come again to
see my laughter mo, no." replied
the other. Il have come ON behalf Of
the president Of our football club"
On the relief train that had been
rushed to the scene Of a railway wreck
was a Newspaper reporter, remarks the
| Chicago Tribune. The first victim he
saw was a man whose eyes were in
mourning and whose left arm was in a
sling. With his hair full Of dirt. n
end Of his shirt collar flying loose, and
his coat ripped up the back, the VIC
tim was sitting On the grass and Sc
renely contemplating the landscape.
"How many people are hurt?' asked
the reporter, hurrying up to him. 81
/ haven't heard of anybody being hurt.
young man." said the other. "How did
this wreck happen?' 81 haven't heard
Of n wreck" "You haven't? Who
are you, anyhow" Il don't know that
it's any Of your business, but I'm the
claim agent of the road"
NORSEMEN DRILL ON SKIS.