davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
Thanked His Stars.

When the French revolution broke
out number of scientists lost their
lives. but Lalande, the astronomer.
only paid the more attention to the
skies and it's consultations. When be
found, after the reign of terror, that
he had escaped the fury of the mob
be exclaimed gratefully, II may thank
my stars for it, Would any apparent
jest possess more genuine truth?
Allison tells how during Napoleon's
Egyptian campaign no sooner were the
mamelukes observed at distance than
the word was given, Form square;
artillery to the angles; asses and sa-
vans to the center" The command
afforded no little merriment to the sol
diers even at such an exciting mo-
ment and made them call the asses
demisavanS.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
Mendino a Broken Heart.

An Atchison young thing had a
heart that ached. her honey boy hav-
ing taken his affections elsewhere, and
her father recently shut himself up
with her to reason with her. That
honey boy averaged spending so cents
a week on you," be said. Here's a
dollar a week to take his place. Every
time he called he cleaned out the re-
frigerator. Your mother will see to it
that your brothers do this in future.
He kept you up late nights. Your
baby sister is cross, and hereafter you
will let the baby dc this for you. He
took possession of the most comforta-
BILE rocker on the porch. When you
look at that rocker in future it will
not be empty, bringing the pang to
your heart that your silly novels tell
about 1t will be occupied by the man
who paid for it, and that's me. Your
mother and | stayed by you through
collie and teething and are going to
get you through this If we have to take
turns spanking you. Now take your
eyes off the moon and look at the dust
around ou."-Atchison Globe.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
A Rare Autocraph.

"What is the most expensive auto
graph you ever sold?' inquired the re-
porter.
'''rhat of Thomas Lynch. .Ir.." an
swered the dealer. The reporter locked
perfectly blank. Never heard of him.
he confessed.
well, he was signer OF. the Decla-
ration of independence. He signed it
as proxy for his father, who was i'll al
the time. Soon after he went to sea
and was never heard of again. Now,
autographs of Declaration signers are
much sought by collectors. None ap-
preach in rarity those of Thomas
Lynch. Jr In fact, SO far as know.
there is only one in existence.
This is affixed to an autograph letter
addressed by Lynch to George Wash
ington, which lends it additional yalsie.
1t was owned at one time by Jared
Sparks president of Harvard college.
Subsequently it passed to Thomas Adj
dis Emmett. from whom bought ii
for the sum of $4,000 sold ii TO Au-
gustin DAILY. who was a keen anto-
graph collector. for $4,000. Later En-
met repented of letting the autograph
go from his possession and secured it
from DAILY for $5,25O, presenting it
afterward to the Lenox library, New
York, where it is w."-Philadelphi;l
Ledger.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The Oriqin of "Roz."

The origin of BOZ" is known to most
readers interested in Dickens. a
younger brother of the novelist was
known in the family circle as Moses.
in facetious allusion to one of the char
acters in the Vicar Of Wakefield. :
and this being pronounced in fun
through the nose became Bosses and
so BOZ" which Dickens adopted as
his early pen name. Boz he once
wrote. WAS very familiar household
word to me long before | was an au-
thor, and so came to adopt it.
Before the real name of Boz be-
came we'll known somebody invented
and circulated the following smart cpl
gram:
Who the Dickens BOZ" could be
Puzzled many a curious elf
Till time unveiled the mystery
And Boz appeared as Dickens self
Hood wrote punningly, but INGRAM
matically:
Aren't that ERE boz" tiptop Teller:
Lots write well, but he writes Weller
London Globe.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
Animals Are Poor Sailors.

The polar bear is the only wild anil
NAL that likes trip on the water. ac-
cording to French scientist who has
studied it's behavior at sea. He is
quite jolly when aboard ship, but all
other animals violently resent such
a voyage and vociferously give vent to
their feelings until seasickness brings
silence.
The tiger suffers most Of all. He
whines pitifully, his eyes water con-
tinually. and he rubs his stomach with
his terrible paws. Horses are bad
sailors and often die en- a sea voyage.
Oxen are heroic in their attempts
not to give way to seasickness. Ele-
plants do not like the sea, but they
are amenable to medical treatment. A
good remedy is buckeful of hot wa
ter containing three and half pints
of whisky and seven ounces of qui-
nine.-Fur News.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The Demon Rum.

The subject given out for an essay IN
one Of the public schools was '"Ihe
Evil Effects of Alcohol" Here are ex-
tracts from some of the compositions:
alcohol has a very marked effect
on the doctors conclusions in cases OF
sickness"
medical men say that fatal diseases
are the worst"
"Some people think the abuse of
drink is a sin. others think it is all
right. and others take it as a medi-
cine"
''At the present day many people are
in jail for committing suicide while
under the influence of strong drink"
doctors say that the increased death
rate from the effects of boozing short
ems life
alcohol mocks at you, and at last it
biteth like a servant and stingeth like
a bee.'
"The Bible says look not on the wine
when it is red, but Rhine wine is not
hurtful. New York Press.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The Queen Bee.

The truth is that throughout Ill the
wonder workings of the beehive he
queen is little more than an instru-
ment. a kind Of ali aulonliton. merely
doing what the workers compel her
to do They are the real queens in
the hive. and the mother bee is
the real subject The workers have
made her for their own wise purpose.
just as they make the comb and the
honey to store in it, The egg she is
Matched from is in no way different
from any worker egg. Ii you take
one from queen cell and put it in
the ordinary cell it will hatch out
common female worker bee, and an
egg transferred from worker comb to
a queen cell becomes full grown
queen Thousands and thousands of
worker eggs are laid in hive during
the season, and each of those could he
made into a queen if the workers
chose. But the worker egg is laid In
a small cell. and the larva is bred on
q bare minimum of food at the least
possible cost in time, trouble and
space to the hive. while when a new
queen is wanted cell as big as your
finger tip is built. and the larva is
stuffed like prize pig through all it's
five days of embryo life until with
unlimited food and time and room to
grow in. it comes out at last a perfect
mother bee.-Van Norden's Magazine
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
She Was Mo Child.

This college professor. like many
other men of erudition. was fond OF
Lewis Carroll While visiting his sis
ter he asked his niece. a miss of IF
teen to get Through the Looking
ry She evidently did not like the task.
and he asked her the reason. With
some hesitation she replied: "Oh, III
get it If you really want it. But |
don't like to have the librarian think
that l read children's books."-New
York Tribune.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The Flea.

Oh. there's nothing quite SO madden
ing as a pesky, crawling flea, when the
little cuss is biting in a spot you can
not see! Nothing which drives man
or woman to the point where they
will swear, like this hopping, risky
critter, when he's out upon tear!-
Los Angeles Express.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
No Need For Talk.

''Does the baby talk yet?' asked a
friend of the family
mo-" replied the baby's disguised
little brother: 1.-The baby doesn't need
to talk"
Doesn't need to talk 90
mo. All the baby has to do is to
yell. and it gets anything there is in
the house that's worth having"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
Cotton Seed Oil Endorsed.

A member of the French farm com
mission having stated that cotton seed
oil was Injurious to the health and de-
stroyed the abdominal tissues, DR..
Crawford, of the bureau of animal In
dustry, made experiments which in.
Dictated that purified cotton seed oil
is no more injurious than olive Oil OF
cod liver oil"
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
ted.

Diogenes. lantern in hand, entered
the village drug store. Say, have you
anything that will cure cold:' he
asked
NO, sir. have not" answered the
pill compiler.
Give me your hand.' exclaimed
Dogenes. dropping his lantern. !
have at last found an honest man.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The Resemblance.

Facetious Old Lady Ito trampl-You
remind me of a piece of flannel.
Tramp do, eh? And why so. miss
US? Facetious Old Lady-you shrink
from washing.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
A Waxside Philosopher.

How'd you like 10 be SENATOR"
inquired the first. wanderer.
I'D like ii first rate" responded the
second wayfarer Still, hobo's life
has got its good points. He amt goi
no constituents 10 kick about his in
activity Kansas City Journal.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
The RuIinu Passion,

A certain arithmetician is so devoted
to figures that when be has no prob
lem before him be casts up his eyes.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10

Without health life is not life: it is
only state of Ianguer and suffering
an image of death.-Rabelais.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
Good Tree. Poor Crop.

Il suppose you know of my family
tree?" said Baron Fucash.
Yep" answered MIR. Cumrox. I'll
may have been a good tree. all right
but it looks TO me as if he crop was
a failure - Washington Star.
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10
creduious.

Blobbs-Tbe girl to marry is the girl
who believes in love in a cottage
Slobbs- Yes. if girl believes that. you
could stuff her with any old thing -
Philadelphia Record
The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-10

Be sure 10 put your feet in the right
essce. then stand firm Lincoln
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09
Rufus N. Rhodes
Tries to Explain.

Rufus y. Rhodes has come out in
his newspaper, the Birmingham
News, attempting to explain away
the obvious meaning of his recent
utterance 10 Mr.. Taft in Augusta when
he invited the next president to visit
Alabamas mineral city. 1t is need
less TO say that the explanation ex-
plains nothing. Indeed, Mr.. Rhodes's
language was so clear, in the first
place flor he is a forcefuI, lucid speak.
er and writer) that there was no way,
however ingenious. by which it could
be given a double construction.
1t is gratifying, however. to know
that Rhodes has seen the terrible mis-
take he made and that he is anxious
TO shield himself from the wrath of
the Southern press and people. It is
gratifying, because it indicates the ex-
tent of the outbHrst of indignation
which has terrified Rhodes and
aroused him to appreciate the insult
ne has oflered the South in classify.
ing its people generally as renegades
TO the teachings OF the fathers
traitors TO the party principles which
inheritance, good judgment and honor
demand they should adhere to.
Il must never be forgotten that Mr.
Taft is a republican. He is a disciple
OF the same school Of politics as
Roosevelt, who is now under the lash
because of his belief in and extreme
exercise Of those doctrines of central
ICED power IN defiance Of the cOnsti-
tuition which are the great dividing
line between republieanism aud de-
mocracy. And. although it is, Of
course. the duty of the South to re-
celve Mr.. Taft, as president-eleet, with
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

some duties of the shoulders OF the
council and puts IN charge of city
work man who is paid 10 see that
the work is properly done Under
the old system, where the chairman
of the street committee had TO buy a
bale of hay for the street mule or see
to the filling in Of a nut In the road
on Quality Hill; where the chairman
OF the fire and water committee was
expected TO see what the - was
the matter with Bill Jones's water
meter, or buy load of wood for the
water plant, the duties were becoming
onerous and it was at times serious
problem TO get good business men on
the council. Now the councllmen re
ply: Tell your troubles 10 the po-
nceman, and when our annual cleo
ton occurs in May We expect at least
four-hfths of the male population TO
be candidates"
Mr.. Codrington's communication
brings out strongly another favorable
feature of the system. Not only does
it promote economy and system in
municipal expenditures, but it relieves
city councilmen OF onerous duties.
That insures that the city councilman
will have leisure in his official life to
consider larger matters of civic pol
ity without being bothered with min
utiae, removing thus one objection
busy men have to serving on munich
pal boards.
Stanton. Va, had a population in
1900 of 1888. DeL4and had a popula-
itch in 1905 of 1896. In these two
small cities the system has been found
to work well. Whether IL would be
efficacious with an annual change OF
| municipal manager" is a question.
However, the example of DeLand is
one which is worth the study of Flor
ida cities.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09
The South Again
Calls for Patriotism.

Hannis Taylorfi of Mobile, regrets
that the South IS solid. He wrote an
article published in the North Ameri-
can Review entitled, THE Solid South
a National Calamity" and together
with other foolish things he said this:
Among the more thoughtful men of
the south, who make a systematic
study of the science of government
ana diplomacy, there is a large and
growing body who perfectly under
stand, first, that John MarshaIl's ma
tiona1 and practical system of con-
stitutional construction is a necessary
element in our national growth; sec
ond that the Jeffersonian idea OF ter
ritorial and trade expansion is the
lSeJ to the south's future development.
That large and growing body will not
permit itself 70 be forced much longer
to profess allegiance to a sect of ex-
tinct political theories by the spectre
of a danger that has passed away"
This does not sound much like the
talk OF a southern man. Mr.. Taylor
II uOA ~ NAC &oW RN~A
ment of the federal government and
seems to have imbibed some Of the
teachings OF Roosevelt as embodied in
the remarkable action of his suborned
attorney-general, Bonaparte.
The southern people are great adj
mirers of John Marshall, but they al
ways we're suspicious of his opinions
when on the supreme court bench
and are still more suspicious OF a
renegade government which now at
tsmpts to expound those decisions to
allow a laxity in constitutional con-
struction which tleir author never in
tended to convey.
When Mr.. Taylor speaks of the
Solid South as a NJ tionaI calamity he
cannot speak as a Southern man.
1t is high time for the loyal men of
the Sou1h-not of the South only, but
of the whole country-to take de-
cided stand against the men who are
subscribing the Roosevelt-Taft policy
of destroying the solidarity of the
South. The Rhodes-TayIor class of
politicians, who have sold their birth
right TO commercialism. should be cut
out Ike a diseased vermiforn appen-
dix There is nothing else to do.
Tie game is SO plain. Taft, Win
all his pretty bonhonie, has let the
cat out OF the bag. His one wish is
to disorganize the south. and he has
gained q few southern nugwumps TO
assist him in his purpose. He will
not succeed.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09
The Chance of
Florida Farmers.

The Canebrake Herald, OF Union
town, Alabama, published series of
paragraphs in its last edition which
is worthy of study by the people OF
North Florida The Journal has been
50 much impressed by the wisdom
and applicability Of these paragraphs
that it reproduces them:
Set out twenty or more fruit trees
on your farm and quit buying peach
es, pears and plums in the town mar
Sets- On the contrary, raise a sur
plus to sell.
Fifty rows, 100 feet long, set out
IN a choice variety of strawberries
viii go far toward paying the annual
table expenses OF the farm home. Al
ways a market for strawberries.
The tiller of a farm that practices
diversificatiOn of crops is not the
man who patronizes the corn cribs of
Illinois and Iowa, and the packing
houses OF Omaha and Kansas City,
but ne is the man that raises his own
meat and bread, and always has some
farm product to sell every day in the
year or whenever he goes to town.
There is more money in fattening
hogs for the market with the surplus
corn and other feed any farmer can
cent cotton and paying 81 a bushel for
corn to feed your stock, while making
the crop, and paying anywhere from
10 to 20 cents a pound for meat to
feed yourself and hands during the
crop season. For proof, ask any
thrifty farmer that Lives at home and
boards at the same place" Proof can
be furnished by a legion of creditable
witnesses in every cotton growing
state.
There is and there can be no ques-
ton about the advice coming from
every intelligent source in the country
that the great failing of southern
farmers is their intense attention to-
ward staple crop--a crop on which
they may realize a money advance.
This idea, this constant experience,
has held them in allegiance to the
banks and other money tenders. They
must realize That the banks and the
other means for borrowing are far
more dependent on them than they
are On the lenders.
1t strikes The Journal that the
farmers lack the independence in
| thought and character which, by rigat,
should differentfate the rural class
from every other class in the country.
| Their opportunity is so great that it
causes wonder TO aprrehend their
purpose in adhering to a prejudice
We can call it nothing else-which
has held them back from a full re-
alization of the fruits of their toll for
50 many long years.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09
THE sTAUNToN IDEA.

Jacksonville Times-Union.


The Times-UniOn described last Sat
urday new fashion that had been
set in the municipal affairs by Staun-
ton, Va, as 1t stated. II seems that
at least one Florida city has been
pTacticing the new idea for about the
same length of time. As the Times
Union said Staunton ''is governed by
a mayor and a city council, as are
most other cities, but they have dele
gated all purely business matters of
the city to a business manager, elect
ed for one year, and responsible to
them. He makes report every three
months to the city council" The re-
suit has been so great a saving in
city expenditures, so much more sys-
tenn in city improvements, that Staun-
ton public men have heartily endorsed
the plan, after a years trial, by re-
electing the city manager.
The Florida city which We are in
formed, has been conducted on the
same plan, as to improvements and
the buying of supplies, is DeLand.
that handsome little city in Volusia
county, the seat of Stetson university
and whose social atmosphere is alive
with culture. Chris o. COdrington,
editor of the DeLsand News, writes the
Times-UniOn:
"DeLand adopted a similar idea last
spring. At that time, and for many
years previous, we had employed a
city marshal, who found time lag on
his hands, his only regular duties be-
ing TO show himself on the streets at
certain hours OF the day. The new
council increased the duties of the
city marshal, so that this officer now
purchases all supplies for the city,
superintends street work, sidewalk
repairs and the administration be
tween council meetings. The marshal
makes monthly reports TO TIE council
and sconsults the heads Of committees
on all important matters.
S'The plan has been found 70 work
very advantageouSlv. IT takes irk
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

It is not right to misjudge Charles
T. Barney, the suiciding president of
the Knickerbocker Trust Company, or
New York, whose will has shown the
possession of many millions. The
only point worth thinking about is
whether it was conscience which COM
PEELED the act, or fear. The company
was involved by securities whose pro-
lection was guaranteed by those far
above ITSELF, and 1t may be that self
protection, followed by family prOtec-
ton, the two first laws of nature had
something to do with the deed.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

Why waste time in elimination and
recTiminatiop? There are less than
two months for Teddy to grit his teeth
and expand his Is Congress should
do and, surely, fighting the executive
department of the government is time
lost so far as its responsibility to
the people is concerned.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

Rather rough ON the people of
Florida that New York and Chicago
are eating all their early straw
berries" says the Pensacola Journal.
Yes, considering that Florida has
many people rich enough to pay the
same prices for early strawberries
that those of the cities named do, and
willing to, also. Still, we have seen
some of those early strawberries in
Jacksonville. Jacksonville Times
Union. Seen? Did you eat any? How
was the flavor?
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

The closing of Montgomery sa-
looms has caused a loss OF $500 annual
income to the Salvation Army in that
city. Captain Odom has issued an ap-
peal to citizens 10 make up the de-
ficiency, and it is believed that such
az appeal coming from an organiza-
ton on whose aid depend large por-
ton of the city's poor will meet with
ready response.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

Vocating votes for women as she is IN
opposing it. Miss Ethel Arnold. tho
younger, is now In this country and
has delivered several speeches in fav-
o. of giving women the ballot. Mrs.
Turner, the second of ;hese three
gifted women, was one OF the speak
ers at the great London meeting Ia
which Ellen Terry sent written dec
laration of her advocacy OF the cause.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1909-01-09

The gloomy minded editor OF the
Times-UniOn is worried about a sug-
gestion that the national debt be in
creased to $4,000, 100000 to carry out
the Roosevelt policies" and citing
the still unsettled war obligations
asks, If our generation has failed TO
pay a smaller debt, where will our
children pay a larger one?" Point
we'll taken. Nevertheless, in the
words of Macbeth. "On with the dance,
let joy be unconfined." Or, to para
phrase the immortal exclamation of
Vanderbilt. The children be d-dt''
It's true We are bringing them into
the world involuntary victims of cir
cumstance. But what do We care
about them? well be gay and happy
still" We're out after good time"
and mean to have it. It's the era OF
airships. Generate more hydrogen.
Send the balloon higher, and pray
that we viii be translated to celestial
spheres before there's a slit in the gas
bas.