davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

tun dam firm tn rest iv tn mud, al
lowed tn prisidint iv tn naughty little
republic to swing on his watch chain,
an, havin' fully gratified his appytite
FIR canals, was whisked back again to
the hospitality iv tn sunny southland.
Ye have read what tn sunny southland
done to him. Talk as We please, tn
south has not f'rgot tn war. 1 thought
whin 1 read tn bill Nv fare at Atlanta
that / had niver seen anything so
toothsome since The Jungle was pub
lished. TIL favrite food Nv tn Republi-
cans iv tn south is kind ~ a rat that
lives in a three an is called tn possum.
Tn prisidint-iiict havin' said that he
had niver tasted possum, thousands iv
hunters whit out an collected tn sa-
worry rodents FIR him. He had pOssum
roasted. possum fried, possum stewed,
pOssum billed. Whin he STINT FIR his
breakfast tn waiter brought him a
poached possum on toast. Er dinner
he had a fricasee Nv possum; FIR supper
cold possum. Befure he whit to bed tn
landlord brought him a possum sand
wich. He said he niver tasted possum
befure. If he liver tastes anything else
fr tn rest iv his life he's a lucky man.
'sThin he went to New Orleens. This
capital is renowned throughout tn wuT-
ruld as tn last refuge iv tn FTinch
cook. TIL comfy met him at tn thrain
an says they: 'Ye must be hungry
afther ye'er long fast in Atlanta. Come
on an we'll give we a taste iv rale
southern cheer 1 won't tell We tn
things they hurled at tn prisidint-ilict.
1t is enough to say that today We cud
dhredge ivry river in LOuisyiana an
scrape tn bottom iv ivry bayou an not
find amy livin' an crawlin' thing that
a Frinch cook wud think was worth
throwin' into tn pot. An that's sayin'
a good deal, because a Frinch cook can
make a toothsome dinner out if a bari
iv garlic an a bone collar button-an
wan thatrH last ye.
He tottered back to Augusty an tn
south was avenged. What's he doin
now? He's playin' gOluf an havin' his
pitcher took. He's rayceivin' dillyga-
tions iv prominent citizens in behalf iv
Myron r. HeTricz. Great dignities are
bein' showed on him. He's been made
a knight iv Pythias an FTeemason;
honorary captain iv tn Pecatonioa ball
team; High Chief Ranger iv tn Exalted
Ordher iv Pullman Palace Car Porthers.
As a browning honor, he was given a
bankit tn other day be tn business
men iv Cincinnatty. Tn pa-apers say
he injyed himsilf immensely whin a
prominent Cincinnatty business man
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

he smiled whin tn names iv tn candy
dates were mintioned. 'Ye haven't tax
en- very active part in tn campaign
says I. No. says he, L don't think
twud be at all beeomin' to make a pub
lie utthrance. Anything L might say
wud be misundhershtud. But I'm max
in quite canvass an 1 believe I'll lead
tn ticket be a city block he says. Dye
think I ought to get out a few litho-
graphs?' he said.
Sweeney didn't come out Nv tn house
on ilietion day. He thought ii wud be
undignified. But all day long he cud
hear tn thramp iv feet iv citizens all
over this fair state marchin' to tn polls
to vote FIR Sweeney. A week or SO later
he come in to see me. Well says I, I
s'pose ye'er glad about Taft Well.
says he, knockin' tn ashes off his cigar
an lookin' up at tn ceiIin', Yes an no,
he says. I agree with some iv his ut
thrances, but in other cases he goes too
far. 1 do not care to commit mesilf
wan way or tn other. I have written
to him. In tn manetime I expict to
keep an open mind. There may be 9TH
ers who have akel claims on tn prisi-
dincy;S says he. But he was ilicted,
says I. He was not says he. Thin
who was?' says I. I was says he. 1T
is thrue he spoke FIR me an gave tn
use iv his name to tn head iv tn tick
et.' he says. I'm not frgittin' it, No
wan can accuse Peter ]. Sweeney Nv in
gratichOod. Anything 1 can do FIR
Taft, in reason, I'd do says ne. But
says he, I owe a jooty undher tn con-
stitution as a mimber Nv tn electhral
college, to tn thousands iv patriotic
citizens who left forge an facthry,
workshop, home an schOolhouse an
gathered at tn polls on tn ides iv last
NOVEMBER TO cast their impeeryous suf-
frage FIR me; an even me frindship FIR
Willum Hatch Taft, even me graft
chood to him f'r his onselfish support
iv me cause cannot swerve me wan i-ota
firm me path he says. Much as I
dislike LAWN tn quite " family life to
mingle in tn larger spear iv naytional
pollyticks, me jooty to me thrustin fell
low citizens must lead me on. If I find
that Taft is tn man best suited fir tn
position, I'll give it to Taft. But 1 will
considher all candydates dispashnately
an ye will not be ashamed iv me
choice says he, placin' his thumbs in
tn srmholes iv his vest an walkin' up
an down tn room with his chin on his
chest
Perhaps says I, 'ye'd like applica-
tons FIR tn job says I. They will re-
ceive proper consolidation says he. I
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

and she jumps up like I'd touched q
spring. Then 7 sees she's one of the
creole brand. just tinted up enough so
her face has that dusky look. with the
red shown through from underneath.
And mad! I see in q minute it want
plain grief that ais her, but a grouchy
brain storm.
Go way, man." says she. -''or Ill
Why" says Pinckney, steppin' up
why, it's Laurine, isn't it?"
1t was. Laurine happens to be Mrs.
PiBckney's pct parlor maid, and she'd
disappeared from Soundmere the day
before without sayin why. Shed been
such a prize that they was talkin' of
advertiser a reward to anyone that
would bring her back. And the minute
Laurine sees Pinckney her chin drops
and she stands there lookin' sheepish
and meek.
rs this your idea of enjoying vaca-
tion?" says Pinckney.
1t didn't take Laurine long to tell the
tragedy. And it all centers about q
coffee coiored head waiter by the name
of Billings. She'd met up with this Mr.
Billings when she was doin' hotel work,
and he was a real elegant party, with
6, curly black mustache and hair part
that looked like it had been done with
a straight edge and a gouge. He'd
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28
By SEWE LII 70 r .
Copyrighted by Sunday Magazines Incorporated

thought like that he amt got time for
explanation. First he has TO rush into
the studio and do d lot of telephonin',
and when he comes back he's all busi-
ness.
'Laurine," says ne, you're TO come
with US. We are going TO take you to
Mrs. McCabe. and If you can do ex-
actly as she tells you for the next few
hours, probably you viii get your place
again. Do you want to try it?"
Laurine grins. Sure, Inside of three
minutes Pinckney has whistled up a
roomy taxicab, and we're hummin'
down Broadway.
At the first fake jewelry shop wa
hauls up, and me and PinCkney plies
out Ever III one OF them Bridgeport
gem dispensaries? say, they're Won
dersl They showed US a four-fcOt rope
Of fishskih pearls. everyone as big as
the end Of your thumb, all for three and
q half.
I'll take that" says Pinckney. ''Now
some diamond tiaras."
He blows in q couple Of tWentisS and
gets what looks to be a million dollars
worth of stuff-rubies and emeraIds and
sapphires, and every piece set in var
ranted gold wash.
mo wonder they have to run tho
glass factories all nightr7 says /
Twenty minutes more, and we've
landed Laurine at the Perzazzer.
Shell do" says Sadie. givin' her one
look. And 1 have a gown that will be
just a. ft."a
Easy, sadie" says I. Don't get let
in for any fool stunt you're goin' to be
sorry for"
Its the only thing left for us to do"
says she. And it's such spOrti'
We'll s-orf ran reoarTr-
nine O'Clock. and the front room at Mrs.
PuTiy-Peils was damned with swell
folks. waitin' for the missin' guest.
They'd all seen countcsses and Ouch
esses and so on but a princess from
India was a new sensation
II do hope she'll tell US something
about those delightful native courts,''
says one.
why. she doesn't speak = word Of
English says another. I heard Airs.
PeII say So"
over, for they'd been waitin' nearly an
hour. when there's a stir at the door.
and the stuffed Englishnan the Peils
has for a butler shouts out:
" Er fghness, the AIaharenee Juuua
Jhin OF Khelatr'
viii they stand for it?" thinks L
But say. this is the one spot on the
map where they do, You flash the real
thing on this town. and you've got To
back it up with seven kinds of proof
and a bunch of afidavits: but YOU
spring good fake, and they don't even
stop to read the label And for a Just
as-good, Laurine was the best that ever
happened. Why, finds myself climbin'
on chair to get another glimpse.
Does she look the part2 Say, in that
fancy dress of Sadiefs and with all that
phOny decoration on, this Laurins girl
has the Queen Of Sheba lookfni like a
suffragette on a rainy day. And talk
about your wal<in' lighthouses She
was as brilliant as a set piece at a FIRE
works exhibit It's nOthin' but cut glass
Continued on Page IL.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

with an appetite for dinner, and then
help me to order the same. Come on,
Shorty"
So while the chilly frost was threat
enin' to blight the buds up around
Fifth ave. and the park entrance me
and Pinckney was havin' an old-time
warm-up with the gloves. We'd had d
rub, and was just leavin' the studio to
get into our dinner clothes. when we
runs into this kitchenette tragedy in
the lower hall.
Course, we didn't know it was that
first off. All We sees is a female party
slumped on the bottom stair with her
face in her hands, havin' a good hearty
cry all to herself.
Hello" says /, stoppin' to look her
over. rs that real woe, os is it a bid
for contributions? Well, cheer up, Liz
zie; you've won half a dollar Here
you are Now turn off the tears
She won't take any notice of the coin.
though, but just lunches her shoulders
and goes on with the sobbin business
And say, I'm always a mark when
that's sprung on me
"Ah, quiti' says I. Don't weep on
the wall there, lady. or you'll loosen
the plaster. What's the sad tale. any
way?"
With that pulls her shoulder around,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

resigned his head waitership, on request
of the management; but the new man
gave her mis- street cumberland Laur-
inc had discovered him dining ong jam
meal with a two hundred and fifty
pound wife and four kids. Hence the
brain agitation.
Homes, Mistah Piaokney," says she.
"Ah could a cut his heart out jes' thenr'
"Really! says Pinckney, And how
DO you feel about that sort Of thing
now?''
HUH" says she. THROWN her head
back and doin' the scornful hand wave,
"Ah wouldn't cas- nah eyes on such
black trash no mo-. Will the missus
take me back?'
will sheP' says PincIney. why
er-well, she might, you know"
"Ah'Il do anything If All can get took
back" says Laurine.
Shorty" says he, pullin' me off one
side, what do you think about it?"
"Me?" says 1. "All can think of is
how much she looks like that baiky
princess of Sadie's, only this is a live
one"
''The Maharenee!" says he. You
say Laurine looks like her? Why
why BY Jove, Shorty 1 have an in
spiration'
When Pinekney is struck with a
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28
G. Iso D10vC - Eoxv~ F1xvoa
the

I found they were stopping here / sent
a note of introduction from the wife of
the British consul. And 1 guess the
Maharenee was glad to have some one
to talk TO besides that strutty little
prince"
Well. that's the way it started. After
hearin' Sadie and Mrs. Pell plan it all
out over the phone, 1 don't get any
more details until late the next day,
when Pinckney blows into the studio,
with that sunny twinkle in his eye
that's A sure sign there's something do
ing. He don't say much, but just bal
ances himself ON the corner of my desk,
rubs his chin with that silver headed
stick of his, and does the silent
chuckle.
"Ah, say. Pinckney," says ]. some
day one of them funny thoughts of
yours viii get crossways Of your wind
pipe and you'll choke to DEATH Why
the inward joy?'
Better wait until you get home"
says he. Il fear l couldn't do the sub
ject Justice
"Oh, you couldn't. en- says We'll,
suppose you make stab at it before
drag you in on the mat and get dust
on the back of that new spring coat
Is it something about Sadie?'
Then he gives UP. The dinner party
program had been all fixed up, and
everything was runnin' lovely, with
Mrs. Boomer Day swallowin' the bait
like a pet lizard boltin' q blue bottle
fly-when the Maharenee up and sends
words that she can't come. She's got a
pain in her toe, or she's afraid it'll rain,
or some such serious thing as that
Anyway. she's scratched her entry,
and she's stickin to it. for all Sadie
has coaxed her for sn hour, tTyin' to
show her how half the topnotchers in
town are dyin' to meet her, and how
disappointed them that's been asked
will be when she don't show up. But
it's no so. This made-in-India princess
amt interested a little bit. She don't
think much of this country, anyway,
and she sails tomorrow for England,
where they know how to treat a
crowned head when they see enc.
Now, maybe ] couldn't figure out just
how wrathy Sadie would be after being
stung like that Seems they'd spread
the news around reckless about this
dinner to a real live Maharenee, and
the idea had caught on in great style.
Folks had been called I'D by wire as
tar away as Newport and Lenox, and
they'd tUnlDied over themselves to send
word they were comm. The worst of
it was, it was too late to stop 'em now;
and it was I'D to Sadie and Mrs. PelI
to conduct the obsequies over grand
fizzie. somethin' neither of 'em had ever
been I'D against yet.
But of course you'll be there TO help
them out" says Pinekney, givin' me
the cheerful wink.
I'D be a lot of help. wouldn't I?'
says ]. And it's right in my line. amt
it2 Say. you're gettin' to be q reg'laT
comic section, Pinckney. G'wan"
by which you intend to convey, 1
suppose" says he, that you VIII be un-
avoidably detained down town on bus1-
ness?"
Something like that" says ].
Then I'll be the business" says he.
I engage you right now to supply me
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

whispered tender words to her, Mr. Bill
ings had, and he'd asked her to be his
true lady love on three separate and
distinct occasions, and she givin' him
the affiugacious turn down every trip,
havin' her own ideas about the uncom-
fluffy of head walters as a set.
It was to keep him from yesteriu her
with his assimerations that she'd left
the hotel and taken up with the parlor
maid job: and she suttingly did have
to own that Mrs. Pinckney had used
her nice. But this Billings man was as
much of q letter writer as he was
converser. He put in poetry out of a
book, and he disseverated that he was
ready TO fly with her on demand. Also
he sent twelve by fourteen photograph
full length view, taken in his dinin'
room costume.
And it was the picture that turned the
trick. Laurine had kept it standin' on
her bureau, where she could see It when
she got lonesome. That, and the lack
of excitement and refined cOlored So
ciety out at Soundmere, worked on
Laurine so that early one morning she
packed her grip. sneaked out the back
way, and took a commuter train for the
city with the idea OF allowin' herself to
be made Mrs. Jackson Billings before
night. It happened that Billings had
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

First knew of this Mrs. Jumna Jhin
business was when I strolls into the
PerzazZer's gold reception room the
other afternoon, huntin for Sadie, and
finds her just shakin' by-by with a
couple of light tans, as polite as you
please. And maybe l wa Mt some Jared
for a minute or SO! Not that I've got 1t
in for the coIored race; but 1 do draw
the line at maxim parlOr comp'ny of
'em. Sure, he has a silk lid and a frOck
coat on, and she Is wearin' a regalia
that's more or less suited for happy
DAYS: but there was the smoky tint,
just the same.
Well, 1 stands there watchin' the
break-away with my mouth Openin'
wider n wider. especially as Sadie gives
the lady Topsy one of her friendly waist
squeezes. and when they've sailed to-
ward the elevator steps out from be-
hind a pillar and waves the flag.
Gee, Sadie!" says I, but you're get
tin democratic, Who are your cafe
au lsit friends. anyway"
why, Shorty says she. Haven't
YOU heard about them? That's the Ma
haraja of Khelat, and the Maharenee- -
I'm all lit up now" says I. But are
they cake-walk artists. or do they
travel with Williams and Walker?'
THE idear' says she, iOOkin' shocked.
why, they're from India-a native
prince and prinCess-and they're on
their way to be entertained at Buck
ingham palace"
"G'wan!" says l. You don't mean
to tell me that pair of near-brunettes is
headed for the king row.
She does, though. And she says the
Maharenee. which is just Kipling for
princess. has the finest collection of
precious stones outside of a museum-a
whole trunkful of pearl necklaces, and
sapphire belts, and diamond dog collars,
and so on.
And you can't guess what I've
DONE" says Sadie.
Yes, I can" says /. W u'Fe bOr-
rowed the trunk key"
There" says she, don't try to be
hunorous! I've got her to promise to
af4Snd a dinner party at Mrs. Purdy-
Pells tomorrow night"
Mrs. Pell know it?' says I.
mo; but she soon will" says Sadie.
And we shall invite Mrs. Boomer
Day"
what then?n says I.
why. you know how that fat old
freak always loads herself with jew
else" says Sadie. Shell not miss this
chance, you can bet Well, wen Just
spring the Maharenee on her, that
ALL"
"Ohr' says !. This is to be a case
of luggin' in a ringer on the Boomer
Day person, and maxim her look like
a night lamp under a Welsbach burner?
And that's why you're so chummy with
h&E royal joblotsr'
f"She isn't as entertaining as she
might be, I'll admit" says Sadie, land
she does dress a bit freakish; but she'll
be something of card to announce,
and when she gets all her family heir
looms on she ought to be perfect
blaze; that's the main point"
Nothing like being kind to stran-
gers, eh?' says /. How'd you come
20 get next? Just butted in?"
Indeed did mott" says she. When
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-02-28

suppose says I, we wudden't mind
sealed bids with forfeit enclosed says
l. Well, anyhow, I'm glad that tn
future iv tn nation rests on such broad
shoulders. There's On'y wan thing
want We to reminder, an that is no wan
iver grajated firm tn electoral colledge
into rale pollyticks,' says /. Go now
an do ye'er duty. Be a fearless man.
Vote FIR anybody we please, but don't
vote at all onless ye're sure ye're tn
fastest runner in colledge firm wan
hundherd yards to tn Marathon dis
lance says 1.
"Sthrange as it may seem, Hinnissy,
no letters come firm WiIlum Taft to
Sweeney. Divvle tn: wan. He's poor
POLITICIAN, that Taft. He didn't seem
to think it was worth concilyating
Sweeney, an yet up to tn very minyit
whin tn eleethral eolledge met, Swee-
ney hadn't made up his mind. Wan
day he was FIR Elihoo Root. Another
day he wUd remark that he was con-
sidherin Hinnery Cabin Lodge. Anoth-
er time he says; wondher if tn coun-
thry wudden't be betther off undher a
good, successful business man. Dye
know amy SUCH? says he. I do rot,
says I, 'ontil congress stops talkin'
about tn tariff says I.
so he whit down to tn electhral col
ledge an 1 see him whin he come back.
We'll, me old colledge chum,' says L,
how was things at ye'er alma mather?'
says 1. I suppose We had a fine time
singin' tn familyar glees an givin' tn
old cheer. Have We arranged futball
match with tn correspondence school?
An who did we ilict prisidint" says 1.
Well says he, L looked thin all over
an considered their qualifications an
decided that, takin' all things into con-
sidhration, Taft was tn best that Of
fered among a poor lot says he. "Whin
! got down there I found what We might
call tn consinsus iv opinyon was so
sthrong that Taft was tn man that 1
didn't care to express mesilf,' he says.
L didn't tell ye what wud've happened
to We if ye'd exercised tn inalyenable
right conferred upon We be tn consti-
tuition says I. No says he, what is
that?' 'Th' same that happens to amy
wan that thries to exercise his inalyen-
able rights undher tn constitution,
says I. 'Th' Republicans wud have first
chance to give it to ye; if there were
none " thin around tn Dimmycrats
wud give It to We; an if tn Dimmy-
Gratis were slow, I'd hand it to We me-
silf as an INDEPENDENT says I. I know
what it is says Sweeney. Carney told
me. I wint to see him befure go
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-06-01
TAFT WILL PRESENT
MEDALS TO WR|GHTS
Then Trial Flights to Complete
Official Government Tests
Will Be Made.

WASHINGTON, May 3l.-Thc
Wright brothers will arrive in Washing
ton, June 10, and President Taft will
present them with the gold medals OBJ
tained through public subscription by
the Aero club Of. America. Their new
acroplane viii be delivered at Fort
Myer on the same day and the Wriehts
may make a flight over the army aero
dome after the presentation at the
White house.
Orville Wright, who has made no
aeroplane flights since he was injured
in the Fort Myer accident last fall,
will complete the trials before the
board of signal corps officers necessary
before the government pays the $4,000
stipulated in tho contract. 1t is ex-
pectcd that he will finish the trials
before June II, when the city of Day
ton will begin two days celebration
in honor of the inventors Orville
Wright must make flight of two hours
without landing, in which he must be
accompanied by one passenger. He must
also make speed trial of five miles
across country and back to Fort Mycr,
during which he must maintain an av-
crage speed Of forty miles an hour, If
he attains "A greater speed he will re-
ceve bonus over the contract price,
and if he falls below that average a
slight deduction will be made.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-06-01

tampering with the payrolls is CON
cerned, Mr.. Bridwell Is likely 10 have
hard time explaining these things
away to the satisfaction of all con
cerned, A private corporate would
public corporation condone them, is
the way the general public looks al it.
1t remains TO be seen how the so-cal lied
non-partisan school board will take it.
Mr.. Giauquc, Mr.. Newman and Mr..
Martin, the last Of whom sells scores
Of tons of coal to the school board in
the course Of year in direct violation
of section 1905 Of the statutes, which
makes il a misdemeanor, have consti
tuted themselves special defenders Of
Mr.. Bridwell and are expected to show
their hand in favor of close corpora
tion tactics stronger than ever In Mr..
Bridwell IS defense. A surprise was
sprung OF Mr.. Giauque the other night
in the Introduction into the testimony
of temperature records at the respec-
tive school buildings which showed that
Mr.. Giauquc' S son, A .ianitor at the
Lincoln, is not particularly proficient in
maintaining heat. and Mr.. Giauque lost
his temper to such an extent that he
made what was considered yelled at
tack upon superintendent d, H. Chris
tensen which, thanks to Mr.. Hammond,
made little effect.
1T probably will take Mr. Bridwell
two or three nights to make all his
explanations and excuses and the in
Vestigation is not likely to come 10 an
end until sometime next week.