The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-04-18
WITS
DID NOT SPARE GUESTS
continued ION Psae I.

scared anybody Il was merely a bis
noise"
Yes. that was it. Everybods
| thought Mr.. Roosevelt had come back
Please leave the dear ola trusts
alone: they are seeing things az
night" was the title of song by
James Henry of the Philadelph a Free
/ Press. the wonderful soft pedal bari
tone in which the trusts informed
Attorney General Wickersham that
they were tired and sleepy toe, ana
appealed to him to put them IN their
little beds
Secretary MscYeagh was classec
among the ffty-seveu varieties of
! Democrats and reformers VINO had
great difficulty in remembering when
registration DAY came around This
discuss on was cut short by some ref
i erences 10 the tariff which il was stat
ed was being talked pro and con.
Indeed remarked the vice pres
I ident. with evident surprise.
Con" for the Consumer.
Yes" replied the end man. pro
means for the trusts. Con is what the
consumer gets"
The White house cow. now already
famous. was made the subject of one
of the best stunts of the evening At
tended by a dairy maid. splendid
| initial on OF the bovine was led into
the room. The president was in
formed that while there had been lot
Of loose talk about the 'possum b-ing
the animal emblem of the present ad-
ministra ton. and that the Teddy bear
was one of my policies that ma"
4 been inherited. ii was all nonsense.
The emblem OF this administration
sad the animals keeper, lis the COW
and this is il
1t was discovered that the wilk pail
was minus the tactical fluid and IN It's
stead We're found numerous articles
among which was a bottle tagged with
a testimonial from Senator Aldrich- as
follows:
we used this medicine on the tart
bill and removed all Payne from it in
stantly."
The pail was being empted Of its
contents when in rushed member.
who impersonated Castro, and who de
manded a place Of refuge.
There is nothing we can do for you.
Mr.. Castro. you must go was the an
sWer TO his appeal. but the excited
South American persisted. and il was
decided TO let him take care of the
COW.
9urlesque "Uncle Tom"
4 burIesque on Uncle Toms Cabin"
ed as fleeing across the ice. holding ln
her arms two children. Maximum and
Minimum, wrapped In the tariff bill
and pursued by the howl Of the gray
wolves OF the senate
A miniature wire basket which served
as the congressional waste basket was
the souvenir Of the dinner. and into il
were dropped at intervals various
things which were supposed to repre-
ia q IN err-A
their way into such q receptacle A
cold storage receipt of local company
had this written on it
Received from Frank Hitchcock
eighteen crates and five barrels con-
tanning T r policies Storage prepaid
for eight years from date. Value asked,
but Indignantly refused
Marked slightly damaged
With all the fOrmality of an exeCu-
tive session Of the senate, the nomina-
lions of Thomas G.. Noyes Of the
Washington Star and Oscar *. Davis
of the New York Times for member
ship in the club we're rece we'd anG
confirmed. but not until the two scared
candidates had been subjected 10
rigid crOss-examinatiOn as to their
opinions of those present and matters
in general
Enjoyed by Taft.
President Taft enjoyed To the limit
the darts directed at himself and his
cabinet members Indeed. there were
few. # any. who did not get placed on
the gridiron.
The speakers were President Taft,
Secretary Dickinson. Speaker Cannon.
Senators Taylor Of Tennessee and
Chamberlain Of oregon and Governor
Marshall OF Indiana.
Among the guests were. The pTesl-
dent OF the United States. the British
ambassador the Swiss minister. SEN /
ators Aldrich. Beveridge. Borah. Car
ter. Chamberlain, Elkins, Guggenheim, /
Kean. Oliver Scott Smoot, Sutherland,
Warren. Secretaries BallingeT. Dickln- .
son. Nagei Wilson. Postmaster Cen /
eraIe Hitchcock. Attorney General
Wickersham Baron L. AmbTOSey, Aus /
tria- Hungary; Alden J. Blenthen. Seat .
tie Tines. Joseph Carlos ROdTigues. /
Journal Of Commerce. Rio de JaneirO. F.
Charles II POyton, New York; John
Barrett. director bureau American re- /
Dublics PierpOnt Morgan, Jr-: RO-
dolphe Lemieux. postmaster general of
Canada: L. Nuttings. Southern Pacific
"a 'Iroad: Rear Admiral Spcrry. Fred