The Holbrook news., 1909-12-31
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the duel? They are waiting for the photographer" = Meggendorfer Blaet- ter.
 Wife-In a battle of tongues a wom- an can hold her own. Husband M'yes. p'r'aps she can; but she never does.-Tit-Bits
 Wantanno-Why do you call that boy of yours "Flannel?" Duzno-Be- cause he just naturally shrinks from washing-London Tit-Bits.
 That clerk of yours seems to be a hard worker" Yes. that's his spe- cialty." What, working?" No seeming to."-Boston Transcript.
 Mrs. Bleecker (upstairs) s)-Bridget. have you turned the gas on in the par Tor as told you? The New Domestic Jewel-Yis. mum; can't yez smell it? Christian Advocate.
 Elderly Lady-Doctor. am troubled with Authorization that I am being followed by man. What sort of cure would you suggest? Honest Physician A mirror.-Cleveland Leader.
 cOIIuu0 4cllSI IOu VIII Ue very poor until you are thirty-five years Of age. Impecunious Poet (eagerly)- And after then? Standardization will get used to it.-The Sketch.
 Miss Homeleigh-Perhaps you won't believe 1t, but a strange man tried to kiss me once. Miss Cutting-Really! Well, he'd have been a strange man if he'd tried to kiss you twice.-Illus- trated Bits.
 Why does your baby cry so much?" Say, if you had all your teeth out. your hair of and your legs so weak you couldn't stand on them. I rather fancy you'd feel like crying yourself" -Lippincott's.
 Al used word in speaking to my wife which offended her sorely g week ago. She has not spoken syl- lable to me since. B-Would you mind telling me what 1t was?-Flie- gende Blaetter.
 Father-why have you kept me waiting. Johnny? Johnny-A man dropped ten cents in the gutter. Father-Did it take so long to find it7 Johnny-No; but I had to wait until he went away.
 Mrs. Hub-What is this thing the congressman just brought? MT. Hub The settee you asked me to get. Mrs Hubb-Mercy, what a manl didn't say settee; I told you tea set.--' Boston Transcript.
 To-day my wife and myself had the most foolish squabble of our mar ried career" And what was the sub ject of your discussion?" How we would invest our money if we had any."-Kansas City Journal.
 q don't see why you are dismiss ing me-" said his chauffeur, angrily. Didn't I take yNu out in your car twice last month";" "Yes." answered the owner, but you wouldn't take me where I wanted to go-"-Life.
 young man in Pratt said to the divine object of his adoration: Do you think your father would object to me marrying you?" She replied: T don't know If he's anything like me he would "-Kansas City Star.
 Mamma-Edgar, didn't I tell you not to take any more preserves from the jar? Edgar-Yes, ma Mamma Then, if you wanted some, why didn't you ask for them? Edgar-Cause wanted some.-Modern Society.
 Cholly Softhed-Say, MT. Killtime, -er-love your daughter and want to marry her. Is there any insanity in your family? MT. Killtime-No, young man, there's not, an, moreover. here ain't goin' t beI-Chicago Daily News.
 Gracie-Oh, MT. Nocoyne. how lovely if you to bring me these beautiful -oses! How sweet they are, and how 'reshi I do believe there is a little lew on them yet! Nocoyne-W-wen, yes. there is; but I'll pay 1t to-mor- 'ow.-Tit-Bits.
 Do you and you wife ever have any differences of opinion?" asked the inn pertinent acquaintance. "Only once in while" answered MT. Meekton. when Henrietta changes her mind bout something and neglects to no- ify e."-Washington Star.
 Stern Parent (bringing out the, Tommy. I suppose you znow why I am going to whip you. .on't you? Little Tommy-Yes, sir; .ou are going to whip me because I m so small. If I was as big as the nan next door you wouldn't dare lay
 finger on me
 A New Yorker. dining Philadel- hia friend, desired to show him all he delicacies of the season. One dish q particular the Philadelphian ex- laimed over in delight. That Is 1ade of snails," said his New York ost. Don't you have snails in Phil delphia?" "Oh. yes," responded the but we can't catch the esky hingsi"-Lippincot Magazine.
 Witness said the coroner, do you