davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
QUAKER MEDITATIONs.
rFrom the Philadelphia Record

IL
The man who dfscourses on the evils of
laziness generally sits down to do 1t.
When a fellow likes to hold a girls hand
she may be justified in calling him
muff.
there's bigamy.
sillicus-"Do you believe in a club for
for some women. should prefer an ak: I"
.Wigg-" Henpeckke had everything IN
even have a will Of his own when he
died"
A man died of measles the other day
and left 50, 100000 to charity. It's a good
thing the measles didn't strike him at the
usual age.
The Bible tells us that at the millennium
the lion and the lamb shall lie down to-
gether, but 1t is reticent about the bull
and the bear.
Eat 'em I'D! Eat 'em aliver' yelled
the football coach. "Rawi Raw! Rawl'
shouted the student body. "Gracious!
exclaimed the nervous old lady witnessing
her first game. Are they cannibals?"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
TFrom the Chicago News

If you would stand well with a woman
give her your seat in a crowded car.
What becomes of the cents a woman
saves when she buys a dollar article for
50 cents?
Subsequent events frequently demon
strate that the bride was the best man
at the wedding.
A girl may be angry at man for try
ing to kiss her, but just the same she adj
mires his good taste.
Occasionally man bumps into some
thing that Is too good to be true-and
the shock wakes him I'D.
The trouble with the average young
man is that he doesn't think seriously of
marriage until after he faces the parson.
A strong-ninded woman misses a lot of
good things because she doesn't under
stand the art OF crying effectively for
what she Want&
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
A Prehistoric Coffin.

stone cist or coffin, with human
remains, has been found in a SAND
nilIock between Craigburn and XII
Turn, near Leadburn Junction OF the
PEBBLES railway. A geologlst VINO mas
examined the gravelly mound in which
the cist was found gives the opinion
that the mound is an artificial one,
probably prehistoric burying ground,
and that in all likelihood other cofhns
will be found in the mound. The
coffin is s feet long, 2 feet broad, and
The same in height. The slabs forming
the top are checked so as to fit care
FULLY into the side slabs. The remains
consisted of the bones of an adult,
With the lower jaw in a remarkable
state of preservation, the teeth being
rerfect The coffin was lying north
and south, probably dating from the
pre-Christian age.-LondOn Globe.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
FLYING Machines and Animals.

When Zeppelin III made the flight
from Dusseldorf to Essen last month
it was observed that horses and cattle
ran wildly about the meadows as it
approached, and sheep crowded with
loud bleatings around their shepherd.
From these facts Count Zeppelin con-
cludes that the employment of air.
ships of whatever type will have dis
astrous effect on furred and feathered
game. All animals show fear at their
approach; cartridges, quail. and other
game birds cover and hide them
selves, and domestic cocks utter warn
ing crows as if they perceived some
gigantic bird of prey. Van Honken,
the Swedish aeronaut when at mod
crate height, watched elk, foxes, hares,
and other animals take to flight, and
dogs rushed bowling into he house.
Jager-Zeitung.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
GLOBE SIGHTS.

tFrom the Atchison Globe.1
Every man peddles a little Hot Air.
It isn't necessary for any woman to
die for her honor
Revenge is not nearly as sweet as
people think it Is.
man who can gracefully take in
struction is a genius.
To your notion, everybody except
yourself is impatient.
The stories in a kin quarrel are as
far apart as the stories of Dr. Cook
and Commander Peary.
Don't let your troubles blind you
to the fact that your neighbors SYM
pathy is two-thirds curiosity.
What has become of the old-fash-
toned man who used to say of a con-
ceited man: HE should be taken
down peg
Farmers are high-minded. When a
farmer has fifty bushels of corn per
acre, does it please him to hear that
his neighbor across the lane has sixty?
When woman knows at least three
games of solitaire, does her hair in
doorknob knot, and begins to save
her money, she is thoroughly recon.
ciled to spinsterhood.
20, Promise Me" as wedding
hymn has no significance to the
groom, but the married men are re-
minded SO often of what thew have
promised that they scream whenever
they hear of it.
Some people are never satisfied nm
less they are being constantly fed on
loollsn compliments. The man who
has an abnormal appetite for compIi-
ments is always so conceited as to
lack ordinary intelligence,
Ask a boy to do anything and he
viii grunt something unintelligibIe:
ash sirl and she will reply that moth
ing IN the world would give her great
er pleasure: But the boy does what
you asked, and the girl forgets.
When a Man Halter falls in lov. =.
goes mighty hard with her. When
q nsn naIer becomes enthusiastic over
Ia. an, ner love Is worth that of ]
oozen women who have been fooi,na
along with love all their lives.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
Protecting the Seals.

Calling guns, mountain howitzers,
and Krag-Jorgensen rifles made last
summers sealing season in the Privi-
lof Islands freer of depredations than
ever before, according to w. I. Lemb-
key, United States government agent
there, who has returned to Washing
ton to prepare his annual report This
group of islands contains the richest
seal rookeries in the world.
The determined raid made on the
herd in 1906 by Japanese pelagic seal
ers, when they were driven off with a
loss of five killed and many captured,
introduced an element of danger to
the good relations of Japan and the
United States. Japanese schooners
still hover outside the emile limit of
American jurisdiction. but a revenue
cutter patrol and strong guard on
the beach has discouraged raiding at
season Mr.. Lembkey went to his post
he took several gatling guns and
howitzers.
There are about 800 natives on the
islands of st. George and st. Paul. the
latter being the larger" said MT.
of about so miles. The guard, which
has been thoroughly organized, is
posted at prominent lookout points.
Telephone connection is maintained
with headquarters, where the gatlings
and howitzers are kept on carriages
scene Of attack
1.-THE revenue cutters the Bear, the
Manning, the Rush, and the Perry
form a Gordon around the Islands
three of them always on patrol, while
the fourth goes to Unalaska for coal
| The officers maintain sharp watch up
on all pelagic sealers-that is, on all
vessels which take seals by CATCHING
them from the sea outside the 3-mile
limit.
1.-The taking Of seals from the rock
cries ashore. where they are thickest
| is restricted to the North American
| Commercial company, to which the
government has leased the privilege
| to take 5000 fur seals annually. Ii
costs them $10.221s a seal Therefore
| the government this year derived an
income of nearly $4,000 from the
fisheries The lessee must not take
those above or below a certain size,
and must refrain from slaughter OF
the young males annually marked for
exemption in order that they may
serve the useful purpose of breeding
and prevent the rapid depletion OF the
herd. Two thousand bachelors were
so marked last year. The whole nero
now numbers less than 100000 seals
| and of these less than $4,000 are
| breeding females. "-Washingt dis
match to the New York Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

young King Manuel Of Portugal
has recalled his acceptance Of young
King Alfonso's recent invitation to
spend a few days in Madrid as the
latter's guest notes the Washington
Herald and it continues: Now. If
young King Manuel could hitch up
old Dobbin and jog peacefully and
serenely over to Thanksgiving dinner
with young King Alfonso and the
children, life would occur to him to
be well worth living, indeed. Turkey
and cranberry sauce, oysters, rice and
gravy, baked sweet potatoes. cold
siaw, mince pie, fruit cake. syllabub,
and so forth and so on. serve to fash
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
Another Napoleonic Relic.

An interesting addition has been
made to the contents of the Army mu-
scum in Paris in the shape of the red
and white ensign, ornamented with
gold beetles, which Napoleon gave to
the troops in the Island of Elba during
his sojourn there. A French contem-
porary informs US that the flag came
into the possession of Colonel Camp
Fell, whom the allies set to keep watch
over the emperor, when he made his
sudden departure from the island, and
has remained in the family ever since.
he gift is one which the French ma
ton will no doubt be glad to have in
It's possession.-We stminster Gazette.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
FRON OTHER PENS
DIVIDE INCOME TAX.

In his article in the North American
Review upon '"The Relations OF State
and Federal Finance" Prof Seligman
finds that land taxes may best be as
sessed by local experience. that excise
taxes are best collected at state capi-
tails, further removed from local in
f1uence and that commodity taxes,
whether internal revenue or tariff, are
naturally federal. For the federal in
heritance tax Prof. Seligman cites the
arguments of convenience. uniformity
and justice. For the federal income tax
he says:
1.-THE argument in it's favor is
exceedingly strong. If not needed for
revenue it Is needed for Justice. rms IS
due to the complete breakdown of the
general property tax in state and local
finance. Under the existing state and
local systems there is no doubt that we
are unable to reach the possessors Of
large fortunes"
spite Of the fact that both political
parties are strongly committed to the
income tax, a specious opposition Is
made to it on the ground that the
states should preserve it for them
selves. They have that power. They
have not used it. There is no sign of
their intention to use 1t now. Stir.
since the question has been raised,
however disingenuously. and since the
income tax is so strongly desirable for
the reason udIIlCQt tICAC - lA0CAA III
terest in Prof. Selignan's further sug-
gestion that both these taxes might be
federally collected, but the proceeds
shared with the states.-New York
World.
-
THE FRIENDLESS FLY.
Housekeepers who pride themselves
on being of the careful sort-a type
not always loved, but who greatly re-
spect themselves-are not infrequently
overquick at removing fly screens. To
all such too forehanded folks let the
words Of Chicago's health commission
er. DR.. w A. Evans, appeal: Keep
your door and window screens in place
until snow falls; screen all food, espe-
cially milk. Don't eat food that has
been in contact with flies. Shun res
taurants where flies are numerous.
Screen the children's beds and keep the
baby's bottle, the baby's food and the
baby's comforter away from flies.
Keep flies out Of the sfckroom." But
do not take the first snow furry to
are much like Brer Rabbit when "he
lay low'-they become torpid-but let
nature heat UP or the furnace start,
and the fly is ready for business. Then
he is in the most persistent phase OF
his wholly evil career, not easily killed
and industriously beyond the busy bee
in summertime. Early OF late, coming
or going. the fly has no friends, as he
deserves none; but at all seasons and
in every cline men join with the late
Josh Billings in the ejaculation: Darn
a f1yi" So it has ever been and always
will be until the heavens melt with
fervent heat or the war for his ex-
termination has proved complete. But
with this contamination achieved.
might not the scientific sharps discover
that, after all. the fly has some redeem
ing traits that humanity had learned
of too late and must suffer certain
pains and penalties herefor?-Spring-
field Republican
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
THE WIFE OF A DRUNKARD.

The November American Magazine
prints a little three-page article which
contains as much genuine human in
terest as could be crowded into so
small space. It is a document on
drunkenness. and is nothing more
than the plain story of what the wife
of drunkard suffers. It is called
where the Blow Strikes" Here is
the poor woman's conclusion:
II have sometimes felt sad that 1
had no children, but 1 thank God for
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Canada does not propose to be left
out of the great universal peace
movement. She proposes to have a
navy to hold up her end of the argu-
ment and to her parliament is en-
trusted the little detail of providing
the ways and means. This will be
easy for parliament but maybe the
Canadian taxpayers will not think so
much for their naval program when
the bills for it are presented to them
for payment.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Illinois law prohibiting the en-
ployment of women for more than 10
hours in day has been upheld by one
of the lower courts of the state, but it
might be well to withhold applause,
because the question is going to be
carried to the Illinois supreme court
and there is no telling just what a
court of last resort will do.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
ALL ON ACCoUNr OF E,ATHER.

Everybody's on a diet up to our house. at
present;
Mothers awfully detected fathers look
is seldom pleasant:
we nave nav cut out beef and bacon and a
lot of other stuff
We have turned away from sausage and
our fate is pretty tough.
nave mad to give up pancakes; sugars
oan1shed from the table;
a 1i1+ ma are on diet, SO am I. and
we nave turned away from salads and all
Kinds of pie and meat
anu IT'S always very dismal when we
seat ourselves to eat
Every day the cook looks at us with a
Kind OF solemn pity,
ana guess she thinks she's workin' for
Mothsane worst cranks in the city.
Els Meath IS simply splendid; SIS
ters wei and so am I;
6ut were all compelled to diet-father
must and that is why
>, E; iKser in the Chicago Record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Evidently the ice trust, which is be-
ing prosecuted in New York for
violation of the anti-monopoly laws of
that state, had a pretty tight grip on
the New York city ice market. One
of the prosecuting attorneys in the
case told the court that the trusts
control of the market was so effectual
that If a man towed an iceberg into
New York harbor he wouldn't get a
chance to sell pound of it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFrom the New York Press.]

TFrom the New York Press
Nearly all women are sincere; they
Just won't practice 1t.
All babies are SO smart it's a mys-
terry where so many brains go before
they grow up.
If a man has a good reputation peo-
pie want to have constant cat and
dog fight about 1t.
The time we can have faith in dis
agreeable treatment is when we are
dosing somebody else with it.
comfortable thing about your
children is when they are SO naturally
impish it's of no use to try to pretend
how good they are.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

That jury which convicted Charles
W. Morse, the New York frenzied
financier, may have been drunk as he
says, but how about the Judge who
sentenced him to fifteen years i'm
prisonment? That judge had the dis
erection to make the punishment fit the
crime and he could have given Mr..
Morse a much lighter sentence If there
had been any extenuating circum-
stances to his crime
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Oklahoma is planning to use in its
custer suit against the Standard Oil
company the same testimony which
was used so successfully in the similar
suit instituted by Missouri. Is this a
confession on Oklahoma's part that
she is not able to dig up evidence and
testimony on her own hook that will
be convincing?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Robbers, who tapped a bank the
other day at Ben Arnold, Tex. made
good their escape in an automobile
When the "yeggs" get to using aero
planes then they certainly will be
hard to catch.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Mr.. Bryan is soon to start on a five
months trip to South America. Per-
haps after looking it over, he'll be
able to inject the Panama canal into
the next presidential campaign as an
issue OF some sort.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

"In the matter of providing Presi-
dent Taft with the next secretary of
agriculture, however, Kansas can't
possibly spare Foster Dwight Coburn,"
says the Kansas City Star, and for
once in its life. at least. the Star is
exactly right
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Speaking of true heroism. how
about the seventeen-year-o girl,
Ethel Arnett, who escaped from q
burning hotel at Alberta, Canada,
and then rushed back into the flames
for the purpose of saving her brother
who had been left behind? She de-
served a better fate than being
burned to death
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

The mystery in connection with the
general failure recently Of the West
Indian cables is still unsolved. Why
not hold McGinty responsible? The
last heard of him he was still at the
bottom of the sea-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Splash! Here, Looie. ISIS we're you
would fall in. Instantly you would
und you would look ad der larche tank
und yellup: I'm from Missoory-you
hat to show Me-" vereupon. der
Commiddee on Entertainments would
dake you py der suspenders und toss
you into der Mrs. Sippy riffer. Your
disgeez would drop OUT ad dem fatal
assertions dot der tank vas full uf
beer. Dot. in feet, would be we're you
got ouf ad.
I'd vas effer such, Looie. A disgees
ISIS nod efen skin deep. vonce, I re-
member, I vendt to a convention dis
geezed es a Democrat. On der train.
a real Democrats handed me bodd1e
ut boos. und I poured some in der
Crumbine dayss). und disillusioned it
nit vasser. Dey trowed me ouf in
sheep pasture, we're a Teller vas pas
teurizing Sleeps, und der Sleeps al
mosd bited me pefore 1 got away. Hop
ing dis will find you der same. Looie,
I remain es effer, HANS.
Berhaps der reason Cheorge
Hodges do not vandt to run fer guf-
ferner, iss pecaus der Republicans hat
sviped all der Democratic platform,
und he wouldn't know vot to stand on.
Id ISIS claimed dot der great moosi-
clans iss SO wrapped oop in DER art
DOT QCy IldI HO leI DllZD0SS III
fairs, und Id may be feet, but dare
any ordinary dub to beat Madum
Fremstadt lodging a process serfer.
Der International Congress on AL
coholism sayss alcohol iss der enemy
uf man kind. I always suspected es
much, und I knew fer sure dot Id vas
mighty poor substitoot fer some
ding to drink.
Senator Cummings sayss he will gift
Cannon no quarter. But perhaps
Uncle Joe would chusd es lief hat a
halluf-a-doller. No yes?
Els 1 understand id. der defense uf
der human-shaped animile vot killed
Mfssus Short will be dot he doesn't
know how to count money.
In France dey let der Public decite
all court kvesdions anyway, so vot ISIS
der yoos uf hating courts? Ven some
Won ISIS accused uf crime, wy don't
dey call a special election und vote on
i'd?
In Chawcawgo der cars will now
ge-stop on der near site uf der street.
Vereupon, der roobs vot hat peen
Waiting on der near site all DER lifes,
will moot Offer to der furder site.
Some fellerss recendly tore down
Misder Stubb's yard fence. It ISIS said
dot hiss political fences ISIS also in
need uf repair.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press and receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

ion a dinner to which even royalty
itself would willingly ascribe much
honor and gastronomic virtue. No
skeletons sit at feasts Of that per-
suasion; no evil comes within hail
ing distance of the same
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Apparently the governorship of
New Mexico is not much OF a job.
President Taft seems to be making a
lot OF trouble to find a man who is
willing to take It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

The mail order business has de-
Veloped to such an extent that there
has recently been established a school
of this sort for ministerial students.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

The queen OF Holland gets into the
Mmelight again as the inventor OF an
improved baby carriage.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13
A SATURDAY SERMON.

A word fifty spoken is like apples of
gold in pictures Of silver. Proverbs
xvii.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Els I understand id. der defense uf
der human-shaped animi1e vot killed
Missus Short will be dot he doesn't
know how to count money.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

coholism sayss alcohol iss der enemy
uf man kind. I always suspected es
much, und knew fer sure dot Id vas
mighty poor substitoot fer some
ding to drink.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

| Senator Cummings sayss he will gift
Cannon no quarter. But perhaps
Uncle Joe would chusd es lief hat a
| halluf-a-dol1er. No yes?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

Berhaps der reason Cheorge
Hodges do not vandt to run fer guf-
ferner, ISIS pecaus der Republicans hat
sviped all der Democratz platform.
und he wouldn't know vot to stand on.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

In France dey let der Public decite
all court kvesdions anyway, so vot ISIS
der yoos uf hating courts? Ven some
Won ISIS accused uf a crime, wy don't
dey call a special election und vote on
id?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-11-13

clans ISIS so wrapped oop in DER art
dot dey hat no mind fer bitzness uf-
fairs, und Id may be feet, but 1 dare
any ordinary dub to beat Madum
Fremstadt lodging a process serfer.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1909-07-01

Strictly pure Ribbon Cane Syrup.
fresh, sweet and cheap. In cans; good
as new. $500 per case, six gallons.
Write ]. e. Mcclure, Palacios, Texas.
Shiner gazette. [volume] (Shiner, Tex.) 1893-current, 1909-07-01
The Simplicity Of Queen
YictOria'S Education.

Was Queen Victoria's success
as a ruler due to the wonderful
simplicity Of her early educa-
ton? The remarkable awaken
ing and development of woman
The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-08-29
YOUNG MEN WANTED
The United states Government Gives
Railway Mail Clerks $500 "A Year to
start. and Increases TO $1,000.

Uncle Sam will hold an examination
for Postal Clerks and Letter Carriers
in Montgomery in November and for
other government positions on different
dates. over 1900 appointments were
made last year. and 1t is estimated that
so, 900 will be made this year. Any am
bilious man or woman over Is years.
with an ordinary education. can read
lily pass. The government wants peo-
pie with common sense to take the
examination. and will pay them well
and give them an annual VACATION with
full pay. No matter where you live.
city or country you can get one of
these positions. The Government Po-
sitions Bureau of Rochester. NJ Y. with
its thorough knowledge of the require
ments of the examinations, can fit any
one In a few weeks to pass.
A Government Position means en-
pioyment for life. Now is the time to
prepare for the coming examination
Any reader of The Advertiser can get
full information free OF charge by
writing 20 the Government Positions
Bureau. TIA Hamlin Building. Roches-
tar NJ Y su-ff