davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1909-09-28
.'ry.s. '.-y.s' -. 'aot =. - ~ @NHvL
Wrongly Placed.

1t is astonishing sometimes how TN
consciously careless we are of the feel.
ings Of the person to whom we. are
talking. A young guardsman told me
the other day that friend of his went
with him to consult his lawyer. The
solicitor, shrewd looking and kindly
old gentleman, was listening to an
irate explanation Of how his clerk had
failed to do something that had been
expected of him. Eyes, you are quite
right, it was his fault" said the So
licitor.
"But why are these COMPOUNDED law
yers' clerks so stupid?" asked the
angry soldier.
II do not know, my dear SIR" re-
piled the solicitor kindly, "but would
you mind abiding to them as lawyers
COMPOUNDED clerks? "-London M. A. r.
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1909-09-28
A Kitchen Martyr.

Even the kitchen can boast its
martyrs. Chief among these was Va.
tel, the chief cook of Condo, who ran
himself through the heart with a
sword because the fish had not ar.
rived In time for a banquet which his
master was giving Louis XIV. VateTs
panegyric is to be found in the con.
Guiding volume Of the "Almanach des
Commands . $50 noble death In
sures you. venerable shade, the most
glorious Immortality! You have proved
that the fanaticism Of honor can exist
In the kitchen as well ais In the camp.
and that, the spit and the saucepan
have also their Catos and their
Dectuses." e.zsr -r.... y. ,.-r S.,s
- - Easily Controlled. 81.
Mrs. Bacon--I wish my husband
would go wherever / want him to.
Mrs. Egbert-Why don't you get one
Of those dfrigible Observation-Disclosures
Statesman. 8l5 s m
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1909-09-28
so Per Cent of Heat
Goes Up the Chimney

Let us assist you to get away frnr
this antiquated system and install tor
you a modern steam or hot water
plant. The fuel you now use ir Oh ).
stove will suffice to heat your er
tire house with one of the steam or
hot water heaters. Like to have an
estimate?
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1909-09-28
" ornIthoIoaieal' Error.

JudEs-You are accused Of SNATCH.
ing . turkey from grocery window.
Prisoner "a student>-I took it for
q lark, your honor. ~.
Judge - No resemblance whatever.
Dir. You must have been drunk Six
y osys>a >, 4 Il !: y e Il y & i e
Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1909-09-28
The Captains Regret.


"Some years ago." said a military
man, there was certain German
private soldier named Andree. This
was a short time after Aeronaut All
dree's sensational departure for the
north pole In his airship. Well, the
kaiser, reviewing some troops one day,
asked a number Of men their names,
and Andree was among this number.
The kaiser smiled at him good humor-
edly. 49,
$50 your name is Andree, EN-? the
kaiser said. DO you know you've got
a very famous namesake?
"'Yes, your majesty the soldier an
swered.
"'And who told you that? said the
kaiser
>"'My captain, your majesty said
the soldier.
".Aha, your captain, eh? And what
did your captain tell you about An
dreeT
"'He said. your majesty, that he
only wished Andree had taken me
with him?"
The Broom at the Masthead.
There still exists very old custom
among seamen Of displaying broom
at the masthead Of ships intended to
be sold to indicate chat they are to be
"swept away" The custom originat
ed with the famous Dutch admiral
Tromp, who when he appeared off the
English coast hoisted broom to show
his intention of sweeping the Eng.
lish fleet from the sea. The Eng.
lish admiral, replying to this imper:
tinent signal. Immediately hoisted a
horsewhip to the. masthead Of his
ship to show the arrogant Dutchman
that he meant to give him drubbing
For this reason pennant is oftentimes
dubbed 1.-The horsewhip" by seafarine
men. Sea lore. Of course, Is full OF
symbolism, and the broom is only one
Of many signs used that have meta
phorical meaning. Globe. ~.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
A scoTcH EAGLE


Bird With Seventeen Spread Of
Wings Caught by Raiiroaa Men.
The other afternoon a full grown
golden eagle WIS captured In Ros-
shire under peculiar circumstances.
Three surfacemen were emploved
at section of q new portion of the
Highland line when they were at
tracfed by the appearance Of an eagle
in field three miles from Ardxzv.
On being approached the bird offered
q fierce resistance with beak and
talons.
The men threw their jackets over
il, one holding its head enveloped IN
the jackez while the Others tied its
legs. The bird was secured alive
without mnch injury. 1t is seven feet
one inch from MP 10 rip of wings
Eagles, II is said, cannot rise from
the ground, owing 10 their immense
spread Of wings and comparHrively
shcr1 segs- They require pinnacles.
beulders or steep preciTlces ere Lhsy
can soar-
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

The REeer has published an edict
which applies TO al parts of Afghan.
istEn, Irotibiting the import into the
country Of al kinds Of gold lace, in
cluding embroidered kullas lu1gis and
embroidered shoes Tie ameer is eE.
identity RctEated by desire 10 pre-.
vent his subjects from spending their
hard-earned money on SNOWY dress
1t is the poorer classes who are no
torioasly addicted TO this ex1rava-
gance which his majesty has decided
TO check The goldlaced coat of the
Afghan is dsi5ed1y handsome, and al.
though the amser has acted wisely in
bringing into general use clothing less
costly, his ma5esty's orders viii doubt
less be received by his subjects with
rather mixed feelings.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
Wilson's Cash Grocery


H f. Alden sold his driving horse
on Wednesday TO DR.. Lamb.
FOR SALE-Gty lots. Inquire of
A Eessey. 4s
GIRL WANTED-In small family,
TO do housework. Position perman-
ent. Inquire al this office.
a picnic supper was given in honor
Of Mr.. and Mrs. Ross Mathews of Ada.
al Fairy Lake Wednesday evening.
When in need Of nice up-Do-date
livery rig or auto service. al reasonable
rates call on Salmond Bros. 5tf.
T W. Kinsella has about forty
acres of timothy hay 10 be put up on
shares. If
Stearns County eKcels in fine live
stock and agricultural products. Let
there be a generous display al the
fair.
Several boys are complaining of
water poisoning Too much swim
ming when decageas vegetation
abounds in the water is liable TO
make trouble.
The fair committee would like it if
owners of automobiles would donate
a trip through the country with tine
secretary 10 distribute advertising
matter for the fair Vim. Keller has
offered TO make one trip. The secre-
tary would be glad TO hear from others.
August time tells ON the nerves.
But that spiritless, no ambition feel
ing can be easily and quickly altered
by taking what is known TO druggists
everywhere as DR. Shops Restorative.
Within 4S hours after beginning TO
use the Restorative. improvement viii
be noticed OF course, full health
will not Immediately return. The
gain, however, VIII surely follow And
best of all You viii realize and feel
your strength and ambition as it is re-
turning. Outside influences depress
first the inside nerves then the
stomach, Heart, and Kidneys viii usu-
ally fail Strengthen these failing
nerves with DIR. Shoop's Restorative
and see how quickly health win be
yours again. Sold by Hanson & Emer-
son. 1g-4f
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
Nelson's Coed walks

Following is a list of names OF par
ties for whom ] have done cement
work this season-Jo. Miller, Thos-
Sullivan. VIII Keller. Mrs Hlsdale.
Caas. HonghIon- Mr. Love Z. L
Burgess, Mr.. Megers, Mrs Mckay
Geo. Ingram, Mrs. Lyman, Eugene
Irish. Mr. Gu1asla- Pete Friedlund,
Cl1as. Erichson. Dave Pangburn. L.
hells. Mr.. Wentworth. Mr.. Borgmann
George Borgmann. Chan MARSHALL,
Al Eessey. Dr.. Dubois, Jeppa Larson
Scott Reed. Shell Noble. Jo. Kusba,
Jo knsba Sr- Mrs. kurrel. Mrs. Rice,
Mrs. Davis. NJ Z Church Parsonage,
John Mir0n. Chas Brown. IrV. D0bts,
Geo. O'Gara. w Clafin. Mrs. A. Nel-
son. Ben Schoenhof. Stedman EleKa-
Tor Co. NJ. G. KELSEY. Or. Rich. /. L.
Kells. Mrs. Bar1o, City Of Sank Cen
TIRE. Geo. Butler, Mrs. Hogan. Sam
Beidleman- Mr.. Gilman, Joe EXford.
Public School and others.
am about TO complate my cement
work in Sank Centre for the season
and ] wish TO thank one and all for
the work given 10 me: and the way
Things have been rolling along II
looks like the people Of Sank Centre
do not intend 10 stick in the mud if
cement walks viii keep them out Of
it. When all put their shoulders to
the wheel something has to move,
and move IL did. first On one street
and then On another and Mr.. Board
man after us with lines and grass
seed galore: and the way he and Rev
Smith made the dirt fly Wa something
great / think l VIII get them TO
shovel concrete next year. The Rev.
Smith is one Of the fellows who Wants
10 beat and that is the man who goes
thru work. and he beat everybody IN
getting his lawns fixed up. But. my
the dirt did roll around there in those
one-wheeled rigs. After al We will
join hands and say HURRAH FOR
SAUK CENTRE
ANTON NELSON.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
HITS AND MRS
Continued from page 1

The moon hung up in the sky like
corn field pumpkin. and furnished
the hme-ligh1 and the river reflected
lis rays and furnished the foot-Aghfs,
but the dogs furnished the fight. We
tried 10 separate them by calling
their attention 10 the evil OF fight
ing. and suggested 10 them that The
best way ont q their trouble, was 10.
aciitra1e. but they kept al II strong
er than ever. Louies dog, which
was half wolf and half saw mill,
had no tail. and il was hard 10 get
hold Of him They finally got close
10 the river and We pushed them in.
They sank OE1 ef sight, but soon
came TO the TOP and climbed out,
madder than ever. Water had no
effect On their passions. Another
bath il the river, broke their hold
and the bob-1giled dog swallowed a
pail Of water, and had 10 be landed
by hand. He had had enough. He
gave IN 10 the VISITOR, ana the pro-
oession passed weardlF On.
Besides keeping boardeFs- LoHie's
mother kept COWS Fourteen swamp
fed. mournful looking animals. Two
Of them gave milk; the rest Of them
gave trouble, losing themselves each
night regularly, and Louie and the
defeated and detailed dog, put in
their evenings looking them up
They also kept horse and buggy.
The buggy was kept on the opposite
bank Of the river, and when a pill
grimage TO town was necessary, the
horse SWAN over behind the boat
Many. baths had rus1ed the horse,
hut he gladly did what was required
CT him, and drew the buggy in a
slow, but willing manner
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

The self-made man is also self-satis-
fed.
The hard lesson is the most easy 1c
remember.
1t is just as popular TO be a food
as a drou1h.
Opportunity knocks many times al
onr door when it calls TO duty.
There is courage in numbers. The
coward becomes brave in a crowd.
In the march of progress the stand
pa1ters fill the reviewing stands.
Park Compass
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

Idleness means trouble for any one.
Its the same with lazy liver. II
causes constipation, headache. jaun-
dice. saIlow complexion, pimples anc
blo1ches, loss of appetite, nausea. bu1
DR.. Kings New Life Pills soon banist
liver troubles and build up your health
DC at Hanson 81 Emerson. 10-4l
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

J. W. Ward brought in the champ
ion tall timothy "Wednesday, which
he selected from piece grown On his
land at Ward Springs.
The Stearns County Agricultural
Society has one of the best half mile
tracks in the state and there viii be
some good races seen here at the fair
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
Don,t drug the s1nnach. or stimu

Don't drug the stomach, or stimu-
late the Heart or Kidneys That is
wrong. 1t is the weak nerves that
are crying out for help Vitalize
these weak inside controlling nerves
with DR.. Shops Restorative. and see
how quickly good health viii come 10
you again. Test it and see! Sold by
Hanson & Emerson. l0-4I
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

Billiards are d-ing out-in France
at least According to statistics of
taxes, while there were "a, ,12S billiard
tables in France in 1892. in 1906 there
were only $3.50 1t is probably TO the
success of outdoor sports and Of mo-
toring that is due this loss of affection
for a game which has had famous Vo-
I2rles
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

The city council have decided TO
buy three lanterns TO light the streets
on PRAYER meeting nights
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

There will be fine display at the
County fair. This is the year and
now is the time ID commence prepar-
ing exhibits.
Drive rheumatism from the blood
with DR.. Shops Rheumatic Remedy.
Tablet or Liquid Sold by Hanson &
Emerson. N-4t
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

The Ladies Gymnasium viii give an
entertainment in The Lyceum tonight
for the purpose of raising money TO
light the park, which has been show
ing Id standing room only"
Mike Nolan was in town yesterday
feeling heads. Mike broke his fist
when he hit the brick the chief of
police wears hat on.
Our job department is working
might and day this week, Mrs. Dolane
gave Us an order for hundred milk
tickets
Shirts washed and returned by ST
Moon, the laundry man
Money found notices viii be In
serted free in the -ScrewdriEer' =.
Next week We viii begin conIlnu-
ed story entitled. The Brakeman {
Bride or Life on a Gravel Train.
1t is a very interesting story full OF
sand
The school house burned down
"Wednesday night: the full board turn
ed out
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
FOR Sale

New household furniture Going
away Viii sell very reasonably.
9 GEO. T. ROUTON.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

Ink Stand Ike was in town last Fri
daT. He had the too1hache and was
wearing a coal scu1Ile On his head.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

This Office is better prepared thai
ever 10 stand of creditors.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

For Sale-Famlly driving horse
Inquire of DIR. Lamb
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05
CHEESE

Is but one item of the number
less Tari1ies Of excellent grocer
les that our shelves are packed
full Of. You get the best at an
always reasonable price when
buying al this popular grocery
store.
The Sauk Centre herald., 1909-08-05

little m0usey. Won't hurt You
II YOU nibble the whole cheese.
Yes. ineed. even mice knew a
good cheese when they see IT.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
Recognized Their Old Friend.

The late Sir John Steell, who was sculptor to Queen Victoria, was model ing bust of Miss Nightingale when an officer of one of the highland regi- ments which had suffered so cruelty in the Crimea heard that the bust had just been completed and was in Sir Johns studio. Many of the men in his company had passed through the hos pital at Scutari, and he obtained per mission from the sculptor to bring some of them to see 1t. Accordingly a squad Of men one day marched into the studio and stood in line. They had no idea why they he'd been mustered in so strange place. Without a word of warning the bust was uncovered, and then, as by one impulse, the men broke rank and with cries of Miss Nightingale. Miss Nightingalev' sur rounded the model and, with hats oil, cheered the figure of their devoted nurse until the roof rang. So sponta- neous and hearty and so inspiring was the whole scene that in after days Sir John Steell declared it to be the great est compliment of his life.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
METHODIST DIVINE
 OF NOTE SECURED

DIR. BAGNELL WILL TALK ON
 THE GENIUS OF HARD WORK
 WILSON AND WILDER ARE
 ALSO DOWN FOR SHORT TALKS
 AT BROTHERHOOD BANQUET.
 The fourth annual banquet of the Methodist Brotherhood of Washington Park M. F. church is to be held, as is their usual custom, on Washington's S Birthday evening. The men are to be congratulated upon having secured as the principal speaker of the even- ing, the Rev. Robert Bagnell, D. D., at present pastor of the James M. E. Church in Brooklyn.
 Dr. Bagnell is considered one of the foremost men in the Methodist Min istry. He was for eight years Pastor of the Metropolitan Temple on Sew enth Avenue, New York City. His ad- dress is to be on the topic, '"The Gen jus of Hard Work
 Alderman. Clifford B. Wilson, Presi- dent of the Common Council will il- illuminate the topic, What Brother hood Men can do for our City,
 Assistant Prosecuting Attorney Frank! L. Wilder will address the men on a topic of general interest to all.
 The Brotherhood Glee Club will sing and an orchestra has been secured to render selections during the evening". Rev. Charles Elmore Barto, pastor of tho church will act as toastmaster. A local caterer will have the. menu in charge and avery interesting evening is looked forward to by the men and their friends.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
rho Maene. as a Detective.


 In America the magnet has come rather extensively into use in the han ding of iron and steel castings. Sus- pended from locomotive crane, it can also be used for collecting scraps of metal from floors and yards. Large amounts are said to be saved in this way. And as the magnet moves over the ground 1t may bring to lissik pieces which have mysteriously disappeared concealed, it may be, by employees to hide blunders in their work. Some years ago in England the magnet was found useful in a somewhat similar way in the detection of fraud Manu- facturers of bone manure found that they were buying old iron along with the bones. Collectors found that it was profitable to insert bits of old metal in the larger bones and thus in- crease the weight. SO the manufac- turerS provided themselves with a powerful magnetic apparatus under which all the bones wers passed be- fore being weighed. AS the bones were slid along q broad groove large one would suddenly jump up and cling to the wall where the magnet was concealed. On examination it would be found to contain perhaps a rusty old poker in place of narrow London Globe.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
Carving a Hippopotsmus.

To cut up hippopotamus is no easy task In some places the hide is al- most two and half inches thick, and before you have got through a hands breadth your knife has completely lost ftss edge and requires to be resharp- ened. The head and the feet are put on one side to be preserved as trophies of the chase, while the remainder of the flesh is cut into long, thin strips, which, after they have been dried by hanging them on the tree branches, wfll keep good for a very long time. The ivory of the teeth and tusks, which is of very fine quality, used to Unemployed almost exclusively in the manufacture of false teeth. Nova d&ys, says the Wide World Magazine. iHfs turned to all the purposes of ordi- n4yy ivory. As for the hide, cut into stips it is made into sticks, which are fN good defensive weapons as one fdNld wish to possess. Treated with 6Athey become transparent as tortoise shell and look quite pretty. Out of hippo popotamus hide bullock drivers likewise make thongs for their whips which are positively everlasting and fetch relatively speaking quite a good price
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
Seeing Ourselves.

'"The man who can pick out the best picture of himself is q rare bird" said a photographer. Even an author. who is reputedly poor judge of his own work. exercises vast wisdom in selecting his best book compared with the person who tries to choose his best photograph. Every famous man or woman who has been photographed re- peatedly has his favorite picture. Usually it is the worst tn the collec- ton. It shows him with an unnatural expression sitting or standing in an unnatural attitude.
 '"The inability to judge of his best picture must be due to the average mans ignorance as to how he really looks: or perhaps it can be partly at- tributed to a desire to look other than he does. A stout man will swear that the photograph most nearly like him is one that makes him look thin. thin man the one that makes him look stout The solemn man selects the jol- Hest picture, the jovial man the most cadayerous- ~ . la.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
Effect of Co!ors on Animals.

The effect of color upon mind is most easily noticeable in dumb animals, be- cause they make no effort to curb or control their emotions, Wave a red flag at a bull and he. becomes violently angry. Shake a red shawl in front of a turkey gobbler and he will storm around fearfully. I made an expert ment in the country one summer to see if this same fact held true of other animals. On my farm had an enor- mously fat, lazy pig that disliked noth- ing so much as to move. All day long it used to lie asleep in the sunshine, and sometimes even the attraction of food could not budge it. took num- Der of pieces of silk of the same quail ty, but of different shades, and, after waking the pig, waved each strip of silk in front of it. For the blue and green it never moved, but when I waved the red and orange strips 1t jumped to its feet, stamped about and appeared to be thoroughly angry. Time and again repeated this experiment and always with the same result Frank Alvah Parsons in Good House keeping. s
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
A Friend in a Eoa.

'sIn one of the worst London fogs,~ said an Englishman, ''an old friend of mine tried to find his way from Ira Edgar square to the Savoy, where he had an engagement to dine.
 @The sulphurous air made the eyes smart and the head ache, and it brought on terrific fits of coughing. You could not literally see your hand before your face. There was 6 con- tinual crashing in of windows, bells tangled, vehicles and foot passengers collided, and shrieks and oaths arose.
 Threading his way in the midst of this pandemoniunl through the Strand, as he supposed, from Landseer's lions to the, waiting dinner at the Savoy, my old friend, to his great bewilderment soon found himself descending broad stairway. He put his hand to the balustrade. Yes, a broad and stately stairway with rail of. carved stone Amazing!
 Suddenly in his descent my friend collided with some one ascending the stairway f
 "'Hellov he said.
 "'Hellov gruff male voice replied.
 "'Can you tell me- said my friend where am going?'
 Certainly said the other. If you keep straight on you will walk into the Thames, for I've just come out of it.''
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1909-02-19
MAURITANIA
 BREAKS MANY
 RECORDS ON TRIP
Reaches New Yerk in 4 Days, Y Hours Over Long Route from Queens:own- Given a Rensing Welcome When She. Comes 10 Her Dock.
Special from United Press !

New York, Feb. 19.-Delegations of marine interests agumented by the general public crowded the docks of the Cunard Line to-day to welcome the great turbiner Mauretania in port with enough new ocean records to her credit to make a general revision of maritime history necessary. Captain Pritchard was overwhelmed by friends eager to shower him with felicitations over the record run.
 The log of the liner to-day showed that she had been held so steady in her course that she covered exactly, the computed distance for the long trip in four days, r hours and min utes Her average speed an hour, 25.55 knots She demonstrated that with summer seas she can land her passengers on Thursday night when ever she gets away from Queenstown on time Sunday.
 Her present achievement makes her the flagship of the line. She broke the Lusitania's record for the long course by one hour and forty-six min- utes The record over the short course is still held by the Lusitania. the sister ship of to-day's record smasher. She covered the short route in August, 1908, in days and fifteen hours.