Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1909-09-19


certain he was not gentleman.
fancy he must have been a laundry
man with too much spare time on his
hands.
|, Fortunately, whoever he was, he r.
dead The unfortunate thing is that
Death failed to collar him before he
had collared the rest OF humanity
with the emphasis en- the man.
2 The rascais idea of course, was to
increase his own business, and give
his brother-in- law an excuse for IN
venting the collar-stud trust he
perished before he could profit by
his yillainy, though his brother-n-
law lived TO create a demand for bad
language which has never been ade-
auately supplied to this day.
! Tauaht Itself to Grow Whiskers.
II only the collar had acquired the
vanishing abilities Of the collar-stud
in the days Of its youth. we might
now be living peacefully without
either. AS IL happened. howaoer. the
collar taught itself only how TO grow
whiskers. so we have TO look for the
stud.
put though the iaundryman who IN
dured ms 20 line our necks with linen
has met with weli-merited rate III
having his name forgotten. 1t is easy
enough to see where he got his IN
spiriaticn from.
There Is no doubt he was bad
character in every way, and at some
period or other of his existence his
ne,ghbors realized this fact. and I'M
nrisoned him in a pillory. The bauik
e. timber around his neck set MN
thinking. and today we are wearing the
outcome of his thoughts. A murraih
On his penses, the pesky varlet.
Rut in spite of the torture inflicted
bv ecllars-especially when. through
constant wearing. they are worm
there is quite a lot of character IN
them as well as outside them.
From the full and Happy piece OF
linen which marks the Eton boy OF
our board schools, to the artfui ceiiu-
loid continuance with which some IN
digent members OF the community de-
feat the original object or the inveh-
tor. there Is an infinite variety OF
shane and style in our neck protec-
tors
This is a subject which could only
be adequately described IN lengthy
treatise on Collars and Their wear
ers. but | will mention one or two OF
the more outstanding examples.
Public speakers, with comparative
iv few exceptions. wear a strip OF
starcbed linen which connects in front
only bv the band. the upper ENDS
getting little more than an occasional
glimpse of one another around the
windpipe. The reason for TINS Is not
far to seek. II enables our orators
To vag their heads freely. as wen as
their tongues.
Clergvmen. on the other hand, are
merely the slave of a fashion. some
misguided parson. having got out Oh
he'd one morning apon the wrong siae'
continued his erroneous career Dy put
ting his collar on backwards. ana MS
wife was so enchanted with the enect
that she insisted upon his repeating
his mistake ever afterwards, me
rest Of his brethren. conceived him 10
he a genius. lost no time in following
his exabple.
The modern Beau Drummer OF
masher. subjects his neck to tne
closest CONTINENT possible without
absolutely choking himself He also
wears the garment 1.-THE collar is
garment. nv dictionary says sol as
high as possible. Nature generously
comes TO his aid in this endeavor by
giving him a small head, and an IN
consnicuous chin, so that II II were
not for his hair, he might very Wen
wear the whole OF his mead IN MS
cellar. coming up at intervals 70
breathe.
Turndown Collars for ersiny Men.
The man of genius. on the o'he'
hand. almost invariably wears truh-
down collar OF Juvenile shape ana
staunted growth. I ascribe this haoi'
10 the fact that the man OF genius -
always so busy with his brains that
he never has time to notice that ne
himself has grown up.
Rut. Whatever its shape, Its size. or
it's condition, the collar is the sign
manual of the gentleman. Some OF us
msy. and, indeed. often do-contrive
TO 60 about the world minus our GUNS
, towards the end OF the week- but none
Of us dare to go about without our
collars.
The, really mean man uses a pimpie
st the back Of his neck as collar
stud; but even creature so depraveo
as this would not dare to seek SUP,
stitute for the collar, lest he should
be mistaken for a mere man.
7 remember. some time ago. wa
introduced 20 a certain comedian by
a mutual acquaintance, and, IN de
I scribfng him afterwards to a bosom
| friend. 7 remarked that he was very
nice gentleman
How do YOU know he Is a gentle
MANI demanded my friend tersely-
because he had collar On
replied
And that's Just where IL Is. a col
iar-particularly If II be fairly clear
coIlar-cnablos everybody 20 recog
nize You as a gentleman at FIRST sight