The citizen. (Honesdale, Pa.) 1908-1914, 1909-12-31
Being A Witness


warping them.
But when 1 went on the witness
stand in a case in which l had no
interest soon learned that 1t Is i'm
possible for me to speak truthfully
at times, no matter how hard I try.
1t seems that lie naturally and
thoughtlessly, just like everybody
else. The lawyer on the other side
of the case brought out my inf1rmity
in such a way that everybody could
understand It.
The attorney who had summoned
me as a witness believed in me, He
nodded encouragingly when I answer
ed his questions. He asked only two,
but l suppose he must have led me
too far.
You were there when Smith made
the contract?" asked the friendly law
yer.
"Yes, I was there" answered.
You heard him agree to make the
payment?" he continued.
"Yes, heard him." answered.
II all seemed very simple to me
then. had been in Smiths office
when he made a contract and when l
said so didn't know / was lying.
Smith had talked to me about the
contract afterward. and had explain
ed the details.
So sat there on the witness stand
and smiled complacently at the court
stenographer. She was a cookbook
ing girl. Besides, / didn't know what
was coming.
Take the Witness" said the friend
ly lawyer.
I didn't know who was going to
take me, but l soon found that 1t was
the lawyer on the other side Of the
case. He took me unawares. Still,
he handled me very gently at first.
Later he jumped upon me with both
his feet. After he had me little
while he didn't want me. Nobody
would have wanted me after he had
finished.
"Do you mean to tell the Jury" he
began, that you were there when
Smith is alleged to have made this
contract?"
"I said that was the impression I
intended to convey. Then I began to
run over the circumstances in my
mind. could remember all about 1t.
I recalled that Smith was smoking
vile cigar at the time. He always
smokes cheap cigars. He had his
hair plastered down over one side of
his head, Just as he always wears It."
What hour Of the day was it?"
asked the hostile lawyer. speaking up
suddenly and giving me no time for
thought.
I pondered awhile and he repeated
the question. Then I had to admit
that I couldn't remember. didn't
realize it at first, but he had me beat
en- to pulp in the minds Of the jur-
ors. Then he wanted to know the day
Of the week and scored again. was
equally shy on the day of the month
and everybody looked at me askance.
I said thought 1t was in January.
I'm January, eh?" pursued the law
yer. Last january"
Last January" replied.
Don't you know" he asked, stand.
ing over me and pointing at me with
the finger of scorn, that Smith had
a railroad pass and might have been
out Of~the city last january
/ knew Smith had a railroad pass
and had to admit it. How he got it I
don't know. Smith is the kind of man
some people refer to as a whiffet,
probably on account of his size But
/ didn't know anything about his be-
ing out of the city. had to admit it.
/ said something about there being so
many Smiths.
"Aha!" exclaimed the lawyer. "You
are talking about some other Smith.
Isn't 1t a fact that you don't know
much about this case?"
/ had to admit that / didn't know
much about it. Then it was drawn
out of me that had not been looking
at Smith when he made the agree
ment. had merely heard him talk
ing. That is I had thought I heard
him talking.
l know now that to have been sure
about 1t should have been within a
foot of Smiths face while he talked.
ought to have watched his lips move
to be sure that no ventriloquist was
deceiving me by pretending that
Smith was talking. 1t was my duty to
have had six or seven reputable wit
nesses present to identify Smith and
to be sure he was not talking through
his hat. Finally the lawyer asked me
a hypothetical question.
"If a Witness" he said, should tes-
tify that at a certain time and place
he heard statements made by a GER
tain person when the said person
might have been away fishing at the
time, the said witness not having
looked at said person while the said
words were being spoken, but Just
making a rough guess that the said
person was speaking. would you say
that said witness was morally oblique
or Just mentally unbalancedi Answer
yes or no."
l had to give It up. Then left the
WItnesa atand branded aa an uumiti.