The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1909-08-12

that finally the experts became so bad
~ fuddled they commenced to think
that he was not as crazy as they were
themselves, for he had partly convinced
them that he was able to obtain infor-
nation, both perspicuous and minute.
through hypnotic suggestion, aud then
tEese specialists decided that it would
be necessary to call other specialists to
make an expert examination OF the
craniums of Peculiar Phineas' erst-
while employees.
Now the information that was ad-
duced by these latter experts in SUBJ
sanitation of Peculiar Phine as affirm
atlons was startling in the extreme
They examined the Uranium OF Penn
Wrack first and they found that the
thermo-dynamics of the cosmic push
created foozleum and then coming
into close contact with the acto-reflecto-
bumpo organs of the brain produced an
apparent transformation Of the delicate
brain tissues into minute forms of
memoranda, closely resembling manual
composition.
Now. of course, this is perfectly clear
to the average person, but for fear that
some illiterate individual may be in
doubt as to its meaning, we will say
that Pennwrack's brain pan closely re-
sembled, on small scale, the pigeon
hole compartment of an ordinary roll
top desk.
The preceding disquisition on Penn
wrack's brain pan will do very well for
the others, except that the tissue for
nations presented different character
istics.
In the Uranium of the travelling man
they found lot of memoranda in re-
gard to customers, present and pros
pective, with heterogeneous mass of
funny stories, women's photographs,
empty TASKS, cigar stumps and so on.
Tho only thing discernible in the
skull piece of the general manager was
about a pint of small round things
closely resembling a lot of little, hard,
sour gooseberries.
In the chief engineers head they
thought they had discovered wonder
full assortment of intricate machinery.
but upon closer examination they
found that there was nothing there but
lot of monkeywrenches, blank nuts
and loose wheels-chiehy the latter.
In the advertising managers head
they failed to find anything except a
lot of little round holes from which
there was emitted every now and then
puny gusts of warm air.
So they went on through the whole
lot and the further they went the more
they were convinced that there was
something to Peculiar Phineas' novel
method of systematizing his business.
Finally they came to the Uranium of
Penelope Densmore the oldfashioned
stenographer and in it they found all
manner of pothooks, circles, curves,
straight lines and so on, with gener-
Gus assortment of misdirected envel-
opes, dainty little powder rags and quite
good many small pieces of informa-
tion.
And at last they came to Typhena
Underwood's skypiece, whereupon all
of Peculiar Phineas' theories and sys-
TENS were knocked into smithereens,
for the only things they could .iGd in
Typhena's head were corks with tin foil
on one end, high heeled shoes, sheath
gowns, tiny automobiles and SO on, and
right down through the middle of her
gray stuff was light colorei streak,
| which at first none of them could un.
derstand, but at last an expert from the
city said that it was reflection from
Broadway-hence they called it the
white way.
Until they had reached Typhena's
head the experts twere not quite sure
whether Peculiar Phenias was crazy
or not, but when they examined the
contents of her brain pan, and learned
| that Peculiar Phineas still insisted that
he was able to getI.much valuable in
formation from this conglomeration OF
dizziness. then they knew for sure that
he was crazy, so they locked him up
and as far as we know he has been
locked up ever since.
ST HASKELL.