davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
AT A FUTURE DATE
WHEN THE EMANCIPATION OF
WOMAN is COMPLETE.
Mere Man Likely viii In Time "
come the Weaker Sex, and M
So, May Write Letters Liksf
the Following.

Dear Mary: Well, | suppose you
are working away in your stuffy tfice
building every day, ara are very lone.
ly when you go home az hight with
out your little hubby to bring you
your kimono and high-heeled Slip.
pers. 1t is very nice down here by
the sea waves, but ! wish my large,
brave wife could only be here to en-.
joy 1t with me.
81 do hope that you stay at home
nights, but you know there are pretty
tall stories always being told about
the goings on of wives in that wicked
city with the frisky chorus men and
guileless men stenographers when
their husbands are away in the sum
mer. OF course, / have no doubts
about you, dear. You need have no
fear of me being indiscreet at this
place, for there are hardly enough
grass-widows hanging around to give
a man even an incipient attack Of
hay-fever.
From the rather wandering tone
of your last letter | gather that you
are mixing up in politics and that
the Citizenesses' union is talking Of
running you for city mother next
fall. Doubtless you think we poor,
weak men are not well posted about
those things, but | wish for my sake
you would not get active in municipal
affairs, because the newspapers print
nd oil oh toe
who are running for Office, and I
shouldn't care to see my strong-heart
slandered.
Don't you think you might find
time to run down here for a week or
so during the month and spend it
with me, forgetting all about those
awful business affairs which bore my
poor little brain so? l don't like to
appear complaining, and | try to be
as saving as / can all the time.
Couldn't you make my weekly check
a little larger? | cannot see why it
costs you so much to live in the city
when | am away
81 am tired now, and I must press
my duck trousers for the soiree to-
morrow night, so good night, dearie.
Your loyips hubby. John"
p. 81 seId you a sample which
you will please match Tor me- hope
you won't be testy ana say mean
Thugs TO me, but I was Waiting the
other night with that clumsy 4NHrs'
Heavyweight who is now hero with
her family, and she stepped all over
the grease in my best duck trousers
and simply ruined them. must have
a new pair. Don't forget to water
the plants and feed the bird. Yours.
John. Puck.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Civil Service

Having twice failed to pass an OK
ceptionally simple civil service exam
nation to qualify for the public serv
ice' an illiterate worker of The Or
ganization" in one of the large cities
visited his ward boss to explain. In
the course OF his explanation the man
complained of the "hardships" of the
merit system.
After listening for ten minutes. the
ooss arose, and humping his fist on
desk by way of emphasis. he said
angrily:
You don't deserve to pass. Now
see here, Dennis, didn't | do livery.
thing that | could fer We? Didn't
git we the questions and didn't We
nave sinse enough to git yer daugb.
ter or somebody to answer thin
why, Dennis, I'm ashamed that one
OF my men hasn't the intelligence to
know how to take that examination
with credit to me and to the great Re.
publican party. Ye ought to have
passed with flying colors."
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Compared with ChIHaware.

DR.. Dick Woods, a physician of this
city has. 1t is said, more good stories
up his sleeve" than any other doc
town. and the latest OF these WAS tod
by the doctor day or SO ago at a
club OF which he is a member.
Heard a good one this morning -
ne said. "a little girl and her moth.
er were walking down the street.
when they came to a place where
straw had been spread over the pave
ment to deaden the noise, because of
the illness of woman living in that
square.
oh, look, mamma cried the little
girl What's all the hay dom out In
the street,?
THAT'S because Mrs. E has
a tiny baby, which God just sent her.
said ner mother gently, and after a
moments pause the little girl said
slowly:
Gwacious, she must have been
packed well. "-Philadelphia Times.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Not What He Expected

A doctor in Yorkshire village LATE
ly gave up his house, and was suc
ceeded in it by veterinary surgeon
Before he had been many weeks In
his new home the wet" was awak
ened in the early hours of a rather
bleak spring morning. Opening the
window, he heard a voice call out of
the darkness:
Can you come with me at once,
mister? She's very bad"
The surgeon dressed, and found a
trap waiting to take him to a farm
two or three miles away from the vii
lage. On the way he asked a few
questions about the case he was to
attend.
I'm afraid there's very little hope
for her" said the farmer. She's been
ailing now, you see, for ten years, and
she's getting pretty old as we'll"
Annoyed at being called out at such
an hour to see an obviously not very
valuable animal, the veterinary sur
geon exclaimed: "Why on earth don't
you shoot her?"
What" exclaimed the farmer.
Shoot my mother!"
Then the wet" understood that it
was the previous tenant who was
wanted.-Tit-Bits.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
in LIVELY REUNION
MORE OR LESS JOYOUS GATHER.
ING OF CAT FAMILY.
Those Present Did Not Recognize One
Another as Relatives, but They
Mixed In Great Shape,
lSl Nevertheless

Mabel, aged ten years, planned n
all alone by herself. The family cat
seven or eight months ago, had five
most interesting kittens and Mabel
was envied by all the other small girls
In North Delaware street, this envy
extending even to some girl acquaint-
ances in Pennsylvania and Alabama
streets. Mabel is generous-hearted
little maid. She did not propose to
keep all these velvety-coated kittens
for herself Her mother aided her
materially in coming to this conclu-
sion, while her father, with more vigor
| and less finesse, said he was not pre-
pared for the opening of cat farm.
So Mabel distributed the five kittens
among five of her nearest and dearest
friends, while at least four times as
many little girls outside this favored
coterie were left lamenting
But that was nearly eight months
ago. The other day Mabel had bright
idea. 1t was arranged with her moth
er and came off one Thursday after
noon when the cook was taking her
usual half-holiday. 1t was a reunion
of Polly's kittens. How delighted she
would be to see them! A simple menu
was prepared for this reunion which
was really something in the fashion
of a pink tea. Promptly at 2:S0 p. m.
the visitors arrived, each of the five
carrying her kitty and each kitty
trimmed out in gay ribbons to be
worthy of such gala occasion. How
the kittens had grown! Kittens no
longer, but real cats.
The reunion was not at all what
the hostess and her friends had ex-
pected it should be. Polly's progeny
met as strangers, not as brothers and
sisters ought to meet. There was a
little preliminary snarling and spit
ting as an endeavor was made to in
troduce these long-separated relatives
and when generous saucers of rich
cream were brought 1t was hoped
these disagreeable features of the fam
lily reunion would vanish.
But no sooner were the cats placed
upon the ground in a coy little cor
ner under the grape arbor than the
real trouble began. Spit! Spit! Spit!
Y-e-o-w! The blue eyes of the kitties
changed from blue to yellow, then to
glowing green. Then up, guards, and
at 'em! Such clawing, yowling and
splitting never before was heard at
any tea party in North Delaware
street. Vainly did the small girls try
to separate their pets. The air was
hlled with clouds of cat hair, yellow.
black and gray. Bitter words passed
among the young owners and epithets
Of you mean thing" and 'I'll never
speak to you again." were freely
passed among the little girls.
The fight did not last long. but Il
vas enough. Suddenly the combat
lnts dispersed, jumping over the
leighbofing fences and their mis-
resses returned sobbing to their
ZONES
Aad this was MabeI's family reunion
'hich, like some things in human af-
airs, termed out SO differently from
hat is expected of tbem-Indian.
polls News
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
RIDE WITH THRILLS
EXPERIENCE A PHILADELPHIA n
WILL NOT REPEAT.
Trip After Elaborate Dinner Exciting
and in Manner More or Less
Humorous, That Is, for
tn the Reader,

Il lunched with W. B. Trites OH
Grand Prix Sunday at Armenonville,' -
said Philadelphia. "Mr. Trites has
made hit abroad with his novel,
John Cave Though the book only ap-
peared in May, the first edition is al
ready selling at premium to Lon
don collectors.
In the white and elegant restau.
rant in the heart OF the Bots de Bou-
logne, Mr.. Trites was naturally jubi-
liant Our table was under tree A
soft air rustled the leaves. The sky
looked very blue and the pale and ele-
giant toilets about us were dappled
with dancing patterns OF shade and
sunshine.
Over his coffee and cigarette Mr..
Trites talked. He talked, since it was
Grand Prix Sunday, about horses. He
told me number of horse stories.
One OF these stories concerned a
young Philadelphia who drove tan
dem from the Country club home to
Chestnut Hill on very dark night,
after very elaborate dinner. It's a
good thing there are not many Phila-
delphians like that young man."
The narrator shook his head. COM
pressed his lips, and smiled shocked
smile.
In very high cart" he resumed,
after very elaborate dinner. this
Young man drove with a friend on
very dark night, to Chestnut Hill. Dear
me,
The pace was terrific The horses
were invisible in the black gloom, but
their hoofbeats made a sound like
thunder The cart bounced, iolted,
ran on one wheel, and the friend held
on very tight. rejecting with horror
on the great height of the fashionable
vehicle.
AT last the brilliantly lighted ia
cade OF mansion appeared. and like
the wind the cart rushed through a
lofty gateway. But as it made the
turn it leaned--it leaned.
Easy, jim! Easy round the cor
ner' old chap! gasped the guest.
Whatsh 'at?' the host asked sleep.
lily. Why, haven't you-hic-got hold
Of reinsh-hic-either?'" - Philadel.
phia Ledger
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Scattered the Crowd

A man copying one of the old mas
tiers In the Metropolitan Museum on
one OF the free days was surrounded
by a crowd that watched his every
brush stroke until he got nervous
AT last he could stand it no longer.
with the bow OF dancing master he
turned TO those who were ANNOYING
him and said:
Ladies and gentlemen, you do me
much honor. In the galleries here
are many pictures by men whose
names are familiar to you. You do
not know me; you do not even know
my name, yet you stand here as
though | We're the only artist in the
world and neglect your opportunity to
see many other good pictures. I am
indeed flattered."
The crowd faded away.-New York
Sun.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
ONCE WAS ENOUGH FOR HIM
No More Typewriters fer Our Coun-
try Friend-Too Great Strain
on the Mind.

No. l don't want it," replied the
country merchant to the agent who
was trying to sell him a typewriter.
Il had one in my store for three
months and it gave me so much
trouble that had to get rid of it,"
Did you try to run it yourself?"
was asked.
20, no. l had girl from the city
who knew all about it."
perhaps you couldn't dictate your
letters. Some folks find it very hard
work"
Il didn't try to. l sat down and
wrote them out and let the girl copy
them. / didn't save no time there.
Then l had to read them over and
see II they were correct. Then had
to talk with her and see that she
didn't get lonesome and quit her job
Then, a dozen times a day, l had to
throw young fellers out of the store
young fellers that had come there
to fiirt with the girl. Then every old
wldower for 10 miles around came in
and made her an offer of marriage,
and when she turned them down l
had to run 'em across to the saloon
to show my sympathy"
Anything more?" smiled the
agent.
Just little. My mother-in-law
was indignant, my sister mad all
through and my wife sitting around
the store for seven hours at stretch,
and after the minister had given me
the cold shoulder and the Masonic
lodge threatened to bring charges
against me, let the poor girl go and
sold the machine for half price It
was too much of strain on the
mind. You can do those things in
the city and no one says a word, but
out here it's so years too soon, and
you've got to heed public opinion or
lose your place in the fire company"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
One on the Doctor

just as he was sleeping along about
~ mics an hour and never slowing
up Tor crossings, DR. c. E. Battles was
aroused by somebody firing a salute
on the telephone at the head of his
bed.
The little clock on the dresser re-
corded a. m.
This Is the municipal lighting
plant" said a voice. would y0a mind
looking out H the window to- soc If
the street lights are burning theirs on
your corner?
Anybody but doctor would have
slammed the receiver into place with.
out waiting to hear another word. But
being used to getting out Of bed at
all hours of the night, the doctor went
over to the window and looked ont
The lights seemed to be sticking To
business same as usual.
Having diagnosed the case of tbe
lights as practically normal, the doc.
tor pit-a-patted back to the phone TO
make his report.
They're all right" said he. inst
that tersely
Very well, then" came back the
voice, suppose you blow 'em out,,
The next day the telephone man
came around and patched I'D the
phone so that it was just as good as
Plain Dealer.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
LIKE WATER in A DESERT
Sight Of Fashionable Hat Gave Thrill
to Exile from His Loved
Home City.

The rain, which had come suddenly
and Unexpectedly, was falling in tor
rents.
+, Among the persons who had takei.
shelter under friendly street avn
ing was a fashionablely dressed
| woman.
Il beg your pardon, madam" said
a plainly dressed man, considerably
past middle age, stepping up to her
and lifting his hat, but I want to
offer you my sincere thanks"
What do you mean, sir?' she said,
Thanks for what?"
Il never expected to see it again"
he went on with tears in his eyes.
1T has been nearly 30 years since
Since what, sir? What are you talk
ing about?"
Pardon my emotion, madam, but l
used to live in Salt Lake City, and"
Il have nothing to do with Salt
Lake City, sir. l never was there in
my life."
But I was. That was my home for
many years. And when I saw"
When you saw what?"
THAT hat of yours, madam. 1t
brought back the old thrill It's an
exact reproduction of the great Nor
mon tabernacle, which my eyes have
been aching, through all the weary
years, to see once more before I die!
My longing has been satisfied at last,
and l thank you from the bottom of a
grateful heart!"
Again lifting his hat, he stepped
forth into the pouring rain and strobe
rapidly down the street, wiping his
eyes as he walked
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
HE Beach and the Rarh.r

The tent on the white beach had q
parber's pole before 1t and in and on,
passed men in bathing suits, rubbing
thelr cheeks with their palms thought.
fully.
Yes, sir" the barber said, "a beach
tent to shave bathers in seems IN be
a popular idea, l have more than l
can do all day.
1t Is pleasanter. you know, to he
shaved In undress-to be shaved in
your bathing suit-than to be shaved
III sun shirt, coat and so on: and
1t Is pleasanter to be shaved in n
breezy tent than in a roasting shon
far back from the sea.
Il got the idea from England. sir
On all the beaches over there youYl
find barber tents"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04

given me, and am recommending it
to all my friends. Mrs. w. s. FORD,
1888 I.ansdowne St, Baltimore, Md
The most successful remedy in this
country for the cure of all forms Of
female complaints is Lydia L. Pink
HAMS Vegetable Compound. 1t has
stood the test of years and to-day is
more widely and successfully used than
any other female remedy. 1t has cured
thousands of women who have been
troubled with displacements. infam-
nation, liberation, tibroid tumors, If
regularities, periodic pains, backache.
that bearing-down feeling, flatulency,
indigestion, and nervous prostration.
after all other means had failed.
If you are suffering from any of these
ailments, don't give up hope until you
have given Lydia +. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound trial.
If you would like special advice
write to Mrs. Pinkham, Lynn,
Mass, for it. She has guided
thousands to health, free of
charge.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Two Hts to Sn,ra

l
lhe late Col. Rossington, of beloved
memory, used to tell a story of 8
baseball game played In Topeka oncf
between the married men and The
bachelors. '"N
man named Flood came to bat
nc pitcher put over a straight one
ana FLOOD Knocked the ball over the
fence. ZIG
Z instead of starting for the first base
slood braced himself and stood stock
still. ''''A
Kun, you IDIOT" screamed tbe
spectators. Run! Why in blazes
don't you rum"
Run" calmly queried Flood
What would l run for? I've got two
more ciouts at it. Saturday Evening
Post
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
English as Quoted.


English as she is spoke" said VIII
ton Lackaye, lis sometimes misouot
ed. An Englishman returnino after .
visit to Kentucky sought out an Amer.
lean friend in London to explain some
of the queer things he'd heard in
America
FOR instance said the English
man, l said to chap one morning in
Kentucky: Think it's going to rain p"
and he said: Little dogs twill and
little dogs 'twon't" Now, what did he
mean by that?"
The American was puzzled and in
CURED II those were the exact words
used. The Englishman replied:
Why, yes-er no-his exact words
WERE pup twill and p'ups
won't! "-Young's Magazine
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Too Deep for Him

Iwo Americas girls, accompanied
by an Engitshman. were doing" the
Treasury building in Washington
They weht into the office Of Mr. vii
kie, where they saw on the wall q
huge Photographic reproduction of g
five-dollar bill.
What is that for, Mr.. Villa e?'
asked one of the fair natives.
I'VE keep that OH the wall" said ia
secret service chief, to give us III.
frequent chance to String the ofica
joke"
Tell 1t to us please -
Wen, that big bill is the way five
dollars looks to a man the disy before
pay day"
The American girls laughed and
said: "Fine,' but their English est6rt
did not Pardon me, Mr.. Wikie." he
said, but don't quite get Won,
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Couldn't Say ANYTHING.

The boy had been repeatedly
warned about running to the neigh.
bors, and had even that day made the
pest OF promises before gaining his
liberty Yet no sooner was the door
safely shut behind him than be had
disappeared like magic.
Why did you go to Gardner's?" de.
manded his father upon his return
The boy looked steadfastly ar the
floor.
Il am waiting for an answer" Still
silence.
Come" said his father losing pa.
thence, don't stand like that. Speak
up like a man"
Well" said the boy raising reluc-
tant eyes, you've got me right where
| can't say anything !"-Exchange
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
100 WATCHES FREE.

The Weekly Commercial dyss 4
small regular l2-slse. thin model. nick
81 cnish watch FOR club of only
twen'y. three months new trial sub
scrip'ions at 10 cents each, $780, the
amount to be RENTED with the 90
names. Each trial substitution mn
De new, not now taking the Weekly
and only one TO a family. The watch
is fully guaranteed, nice enough for
any one to wear, good time-keeper
ana cannot be purchased from any
1eweler for less than two dollars
Drop Us postal card for sample
copies and blanks.
THE COMMERCIAL APPEAL.
Memphis. Tenn
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
OF
TRUSTEES SALE.

Ely Wit of the authority vested In
me by the terms and provisions of a
certain deed in trust, executed by
Billie Howe on the Sth day of January
k19O7, to secure an Indebtedness there
lin described to the Citizens Bank, Of
Hattiesburg, Mississippi, which said
deed In trust is recorded in book
pages 267-26S, Of the Chattel Mortgage
Records Of the End District of PERKY
County (now Forrest), In the office -
the Chancery Clerk of Forrest county.
Mississippi, l, the undersigned, hav-
ling been by the present holder of said
|indebtedess and the deed in trust Sc
curing same, duly appointed substi
tute trustee in the place and stead
Of the trustee therein named, said in
strument of substitution being re
corded in Book 1, page 1923, of the
Chattel Mortgage records of Forres
County, Mississippi, in the office
the Chancery Clerk of said county
and default having been made in the
payment of said debt, and having been
thereunto properly requested by the
holder of said Indebtedness and deed
in trust. | have this day, taken into
my possession, and will on Thursday,
the 14th day of October, 1909, at the
east door of the court house in the
City of Hattiesburg, Forrest County.
Mississippi, during legal hours, offer
for sale, and sell at public cutlery, to
the highest bidder for cash, the fol-
lowing described personal property
mentioned in said deed of trust, To-
Gated in the City of Hattiesburg, For
rest County, Mississippi, to-wit:
One lunch counter; one refrigerator;
one range; all cooking utensils; all
dishes; steam heating apparatus; one
cashiers desk; all cigar cases; all
other desks; all chairs; all dining ta-
bles: one iron safe; one hall tree; ons
side board; one cash register; oxV
display refrigerator. all pictures; ~
coffee urn; milk coolers; water cooF
er; one steaming table; lighting fix
lures; linoleum; all stools; all glass
ware; one broiler; all linen; one reg
lister and eight (S) pool tables.
All CT said property being located
IN certain building on lot 9, in block
161 of the Crittenden survey OF the city
of Hattiesburg, Forrest County, Mis-
sssippi, and situated on Front street
in said city, said building being COM
monty called the palace Cafe"
Witness my signature this the 18th
day of September, 1909.
T. C. HANNAH, d.
Substituted Trustee.
Pasted this September 10, 1909.
9-134t-mon,
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04

"Th' tariff smacks some of us purity
hard," said Meandering Mike as he
toyed with a dangling latter.
Wandering Willie rolled his eyes
toward his old friend and companion
of the road.
An where does it hit you so hard ."
he asked
Mike exhaled a sigh that made the
adjacent atmosphere shudder.
1t hurts me to do it" he answered.
but I've made up me mind not to
puy an imported steam yacht this
summer."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
Enlightenment,

Mrs. Boggs-Henry. did you hear
about Mr.. Jones? Mrs. Smith was tell.
ing me this afternoon how"
Mr.. Boggs-That's just like you won.
en-, gossipping about things that don't
concern you, and | suppose you have
the story all mixed up, anyway. Now,
got the whole thing straight at the
cigar store and the barber shop and
the facts in the case were like this:
1t seems that, etc.-Puck.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
What He Got.

good many years ago in the state
OF Iowa there was small boy hoeing
potatoes in farm lot by the road
side. A man came along in fine bug
gy and driving fine horse. He
looked over the fence, stopped and
said; But, what do you get for
hoeing those potatoesT'
"Nothin' eff do" said the boy, "and
hell eff | don't. Saturday Evening
Post
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-10-04
PresumptIve Evldencs

presume said the telephone dt
rectory to the hospital dictionary
that you have been to the surpicsi
ward
What makes you think. tbst .,
asked the dictionary. hastily.
Because" answered tha te,.,. -,
dtrsctorS. Il noticed they. nv. sS
moved e. apbtndfx. - Biltimots