davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
How Wars Bealn.

Papa. how do nations get into war
with each other?" asked Tommy Sea-
sonby.
Sometimes one way, sometimes an
other" said the father. "Now. there
are Germany and Spain. They came
near getting into war because a Span
ish mob took down the German flag"
"No, my dear" put in Mrs. Season
by; "that wasn't the reason"
"But, my darling" said Mr.. s.. don't
you suppose l know? You are mis-
taken. That was the reason"
"No dearie; you are mistaken. 1t
was'because the Germans
Mrs. Seasonby, say it was be-
Cause
"Pelcg, you know better. You are
only trying to-
'"AIadam, don't understand that
your opinion was asked In this matter
anyway"
"Well, 1 don't want my boy instruct
cd by an old ignoramus."
"See here. you impudent''-
"Put down your cane, you old brute.
Don't you dare brlstle up to me or I'll
send this rolling pin ut your head. you
DID,
"Never mind" interrupted Tommy:
II think ! know how wars begin"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26

never to basl0 in the sunbeams of
her sweet countenance again. But
grieve not, dear parents. Little Ella
is only asleep We extend to your
family our earnest and heartfelt SYM
patfy and commend you to the God
of all grace who alone can soothe the
sorrowlng hearts. IVA.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
Loaded.

A Wyoming judge has sarcastic
humor which has made many culprits
squirm. and among the number was a
defendant in n cattle stealing case who
was trying TO explain that II would
have been quite impossible for him TO
have brought into town the beef he
was accused Of having stolen and
butchered owing to the fact that his
two pack horses were heavily loaded
with other things.
One horse, he had told the jury. was
packed with his fur overcoat, mining
implements. etc.
"And what was on the other horse%
inquired the Judge.
"Well, there was a gallon of whis-
ky-there was gallon Of whisky
The clustered defendant could think of
nothing else.
81 knew a gallon of whisky was a
load for a man." said the judge dryIy.
''but didn't know it was load for
horse. "-Lippincott's.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
What He Puts on a Hor,.,

An instructor Of cookery in New
Orleans school was endeavoring to
make clear TO her pupils which por-
lions of side of beef yielded the va
rious butchers "cuts." The neck,
shoulder, leg and loin had been sue
cessiyely pointed out.
''Now, Alice" said the teacher to her
brightest girl, ''there is one portion
rye not yet mentioned. Your father is
groom; be frequently rides horse
back. Como now. tell me, what does
he often prt on horse?"
1.-TWO dcl,3rs each way, ma'am." re-
piled sophisticated Alice.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
Whom He Feared,

An old Irishman who had recently
recovered from severe sickness
CHANGED to meet the parish priest who
had been summoned during his ILL
ness to administer the rites Of the
church to the dying as he was consid-
cred to be near deaths door, and the
following conversation took place:
"Ah, Pat, l see you are out again.
We thought you were gone sure. You
had very serious time OF It."
"Yes, yer reverence. indade had"
"When you were so near deaths
door were you not afraid to meet your
Maker?"
"No, indade. yer reverence" replied
Pat. at was the other gintleman
was afeared Of"
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
He Earned II.

One bleak winter morning cold
booking Individual walked into small
cafe.
Morning" he said cheerily, address
ing himself to the white aproned at
tendant behind the bar.
Morning was the reply.
How'd you like sherry and egg
this morning7" continued the stranger.
"Well, that sounds very good to me.
Are you going to treat?"
..TiI furnish the eggs If you win con-
tribute the sherry" E
eDone.- agreed the proprietor
aAll right III be back In a minute"
the frosted one called over his. shout
der as he walked toward the door.
Into the street and around the cor
ner hex made his way and halted be-
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
How OddI

when the clock hands point to 10
O'clock" asserted the bold and dashing
young man, 81 am going to kiss you"
"YOu will do nothing of the kind"
declared the spirited girl.
"Yes, shall. And hereafter when l
call l shall always kiss you when the
clock says 10 o'clock"
Sure enough, when the hands of the
clock have reached 10 he kisses her,
although she deies him and spurns
him and upbralds him and censures
him and says that she despises him
and he must go and never return.
So he does. and calls the next even
ing.
And. 10, the clock has stopped at 10!
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
CASTORIA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
signature sssss ss: Of 1ZHAz5Z9
In MemOriam.

The angel of death has again Wis
tied the home OF Mr. and Mrs. Harve
Smith and borne away the spirit OF
beloved baby, little Ella Smith. who
departed this life May ~, 1909.
We can state with much regret that
the friends Of the little child in this
vicinity were grieved much to see
little Ella laid berca.h the cold sod,
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
The Full o. Jov.

If we might have the fruit without the
blooming,
II we the planting time and waiting
time could miss.
Not half so sweet would seem the gar
nered nectar.
The gracious year be robbed OF half its
bliss.
II careless we might gain our greatest
longing
To human nature It would be as painted
toy.
The sweat Of brow and anxious, weary
waiting
Perhaps is that we learn to know the
full of JOY
Cora Lapham Hazard IN New York
Tribune.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
A Hor,e 10 Order.

A sailor just home from a long
cruise and out for good time entered
a livery stable to hire horse for the
day to take some of his shipmates into
the country. The proprietor had a
really fine horse brought out for in
spection and said:
There's beauty for you-small
head, clean legs. short back
"Short back be bowed" yelled the
sailor. I'VE want one with long
back. It's to carry miner
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26

therefore, It Kidney
trouble'is permitted to
continue, serious re-
suits are most likely
to follow. Your other
organs may need at
tention, but your kid
neys most, because
they do most and
should have attention
first. Therefote, when
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26

how to find out if you have kidney or
bladder trouble. Mention this paper
when writing to DR.. Kilmer & Co.,
Binghamton, N. Y. Don't make any mis-
take, but remember the name, Swamp
Root, and don't let a dealer sell you
something in place of Swamp-Root-if
you do you will be disappointed.
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26

your kidneys are weak or out of order,
you can understand how quickly your en-
tire body is affected and how every organ
seems to fail to do its duty.
If you are sick or "feel badly" begin
taking the great kidney remedy, DR..
Kilmer's Swamp-Root. A trial will con-
vince you of its great merit.
The mild and immediate effect of
Swamp-Root, the great kidney and
bladder remedy, is soon realized. 1t
stands the highest because its remarkable
health restoring properties have been
proven in thousands of the most distress
ing cases. If you need medicine you
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
On the Way.

A jovial son of Erin who Is a con-
ductor on n trolley car was telling q
friend the other morning about his ex-
periences as helper in a large manu-
featuring establishment. The friend
wanted to know what Pat quit the job
for. The latter explained with en-
phasis that he had invited the boss to
visit a place where he might burn for
ever.
well, did he gof" inquired the troll
leyman's friend. who was In rare good
humor.
"Oh. Atwn't know" quoth Pat.
with broad smile. "but tn last tonne
l sa' him he was smokin'."
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26
Exceptions to All Rules.
Often The Kidneys Are
Weakened by OYER Work.
Unhealthy Kidneys Make Impure Blood.

Weak and unhealthy kidneys are re-
sponsible for much sickness and suffering,
The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1909-05-26

should have the best.
Sold by druggists in
ifty-cent and one-dol-
lar sizes. You may
have a sample bottle
by mail free, also a
namnhlet telling Won
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
SMITH TO ROLL WITH DUNBAR
Crack Bowlers Expected to Meet at Madison
Square Garden Congress in Summer.

Jimmy Smith, champion bowler OF greater New
York who defeated Louis Franz, OF Cleveland in
che first half Of their home-and-home match for
q 00o a side has accepted the challenge OF Alex
ander V Dunbar, OF the best bowers In the
conntrv for a match Dunbar made the challenge.
naming private alleys but Smith preferred to roll
the match on the new alleys In Madison Square
Garden when the national tournament is to be
held Nav "A to June II. Dunbar accepted this
rhange and the stake made $500.
The only matter remaining to be settled outside OF
the actual date of the contest is how the match
ts "a he run off Dunbar wishes series Of forty
a,,e games TO be rolled in three nights, in blocks
~ hfteen games Smith prefers TO roll the best
si.bt ont of nfteen games. fifteen games. total
,,,s to count in night. Smith announces that
he will roll the fortyhve games II the side bet is
made $1,000.
This match will easily be one OF the features of
.ha boulinK season, and will attract attention from
a,,erv bowler In the country. for both men are Of
oattonal reputation. Dunbar was champion OF Phil
dolnhia up TO two years ago, when he came to
nIavl york and has been championship contender
ever since Smith has held the title for greater
New, York for three years in succession, and Is now
IN the lead for it the fourth time.
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
COLUMBIA BEATS PENN.
BIue and White Soccer Players de-
feat QuakerS an Close Game.

Playing in six inches Of snow, Columbia soccer
football team opened the intercollegiate seasoh os
defeating the University of Pennsylvania on South
Field Yesterday afternoon by the score OF to l.
In spite OF the poor condition or the field the game
was fast and interesting. and there was good
crowd of enthusiastic supporters Of the rival teams
Although the Philadelphians made the first goal
superior team work the part of the MorningSlde
PLAYERS enabled them to tie the score before the
end Of the first half and TO win In the second
period.
Pennsyivanla's tally came after ten minutes OF
play. when from a scrimmage in front OF the Co
lumba goal o O'Farren worked the ball free and shot
il into the net past Spencer After this the CoIun-
ba players kept ball in Quaker territory ana Dy
a series of clever passes around the Pennsylvania
cks Diaz was enabled to kick clean goal at a
difficult angle. The heavy going tired out ooth
teams and the second half was SLOW. There was no
brilliant playing either side but Columbia man
aged to get the winning point on goal kicked Dy
smith & L. Dwyer, Coiumbia's inside left was
seized with cramps during the second halr, but
gamely continued the contest after a few minutes
rest
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
AUTO CdrniOoI Plans Gr06e
Commercial Vehicle Display To Be One of the Features
of Big Parade.

be in the form Of special illuminations at night.
Several electrical firms have made proposals 70
take care of illuminated effects for sections. and
all the leading automobile concerns Will keep open
house both day and night throughout carnival
week
trade will give to their customers novelties in the
way Of souvenirs. commemorative OF the second
automobile carnival. including streamers and pen
be used
Interest in motorcycing has grown rapidly since
the last carnival. and special section viii be de-
voted TO motorcycles In the parade Leading
manufacturers VIII vie with each other TO turn out
the largest number of machines including the crack
drivers Of the big contests held during the last
season.
As before. special effort viii be made TO show as
many old models of automobiles as possible in the
first parade division. This section proved exceed
ingIy interesting at the last carnival II will be
doubly this year. because the be much
better in the daytime. The position Of honor
will be given to the firm showing a line OF models
covering the greatest number of years, and run
ming oH their power.
Owing TO the inexpericnce and the limited size
last years committee many firms over
looked in seeking subscriptions. The sub-commit-
ten recently appointed assist General John
T. Cutting in mis- task OF getting subscriptions
made most satisfactory report at the last meet
ing. The trade this year Is almost unanimous in
indorsing the carnival. Many firms doubling
the amount given year ago
Crack drivers and the fast will be in
the stralghtaway races and the Hill climb. Entry
blanks for all contests well application
blanks FOR positions I'm the parade 20 be issued
within a week The hill climb committee reports
that the interest thus far manifested points an
entry list Of at least hundred this year a
record number for any similar event heretofore
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07

One OF the most important features Of the Dig
parade to be held Saturday afternoon. April lO.
Of automobile carnival week. Will be the speclaI
division reserved for the display OF comlnercl''i
vehicles.
AT the last meeting of the carnival committee
this feature was discussed at length, ana plahS
were perfected visit the leading cry goods COM
mercial ana other business houses, with view 10
making this section of the parade an Impressive
object lesson the public, and to demonstrate
how important a factor the modern motor driven
vehicle Is in connection with commercial life
special committee was appointed, with Colonel Il.
{. Pardee chairman. and C. 2. Skinner ana
Alexander Howell as the other members. to con-
fer with the b houses and solicit their co-opeTa-
ton TO make this division interesting and educh-
tonal in its character. Full swing Will be allowed
for the use Of decorations and advertising devices
A liberal prize will be awarded the firm making
the most elaborate showing In this division.
The various cab companies will also be allowed
to ,oin in this division with decorated motor
vehicles.
The parade COMMITTEES. under r. G. Howell VIII
have its hands full take care Of the several
thousand cars OF every description which viii he
in line this year. Substantial cash prizes are TO
offered in the various divisions. ana II Is eR-
pected that this will be the OF bringing out
hundreds OF ears. which would not otherwise com
pete These prizes will be so large that the cx-
tensiveness Of the decorations Will be much more
in evidence than a year The result VIII rlFaI
the famous displays in Nice and the wonderful
carnival parade held last season in Hawaii
Several representatives Of the big bunting and
decorating firms have begun TO invade broadway
and from now on contracts will be let daily for
interior and exterior decorations Of the buildings
along automobile row. Several firms in the trade
are discussing ACCESSIBILITY OF pooling their in
'erests and decorating entire blocks uniformly with
n view TO artistic effects Some Of this work viii
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
CADET FENCERs DOWN HARVARD
west Pointers Lose Only Two Bouts in Match
with Cambridge Foil Wielders
iSy Telegraph 70 The Tribune

West Point Y y, March e.-In : s..,.
~ h7la here to-day with the Harvard -, .t,o
caoels won seven out Of nine bouts fenced ,r,,o
oo1' between Cocrofr and Erhart in ,b.. 90
Iolno was declared tie. and an ertrs -
@ @sS iehoeo- The judges were stn unable 20 decide
- el,eI FENCING another minute Erfart recejyed
Sohiberg fenced in his aggressive ....,.
nee oh all his bouts The army 49,. a'lu car
Dos ot sohlbeFg. Cocroft ana Hanna s,a IN
'--rVaTo trio Of Cutting BarrolI ana Erbart
The summary follows: --'-'i' l.
rzr5 fna,-- sohiberg. Army. defeated g,,,,tuu
llama ARMY. dafea.sss ateieatea Barron Harvar5. .
esc9sic 70 round--SohIberg aefesta1 t,o- "a
80 ~ocroft- Hanna defeated ,-rti-4 4'ii' Erhart de-
- rouno-SohlherS defeated -.
- utttngs BsrTOu defeated F7e,-aa aI1' Iocroft de-
,o5 --e7 -lIeutenauts Dickinson RnssaIt , -
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
DoRANDo AND HAYES AT WORK
sha 'sring for Their Periodical Repew., .,
; rathOn Contest by Serious Tr.,n;n

,sr-. ,"o heroes Of tie Olympic Maratbar, 81. -.
=. - Dorando Pietri and johnny H. u l. IaSl
gong TO race for tlic third time - - VINO VINO
TO- Garden next Monday night. are tost' "a
rsce 'gh aid nafd at work training for this ,h,-i
Hiertbe.., - gioer the watchful eye OF Ern,e
a. -. - = a'lhg his work along the Con-, -
s,e cycle path and over the roads m pry eoney Isl
Of ~ ls more partial 10 indoor work ar,, . a. =
,,bo. -lhs Is done in the esth Regiment a-
h,4o1sh Dorando showed his heels - ~. ,'nofy'
n, ls race at the Garden on Tbanssa,l'.I-
Asaers. y strong probability that the I,,s,
The - N'uo champion will be made f,,,6.tt'
eeIn'g event su-h COED ,uda'. taVorite in
Oar ~ asppard Erne Hjertberg and Mart, So az
nat H.. piaeea themselves on record bv ss,.,-.,
ax wA surely regain his lost la,,re,s %. ~, rie
IA to VIZ open at the Garden on Frdav ~
we sale ot reserved seats. '"'ih-
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
YALE LOSES on COURTS.
.Seuenth Regiment Players Dozen the
Blue in ArmOry Matches.

yale's team of Lawn tennis players. while they
scored a victory the singles and doubles against
the team Of the 7th Regiment yesterday, came on
second best 20 the regimental experts on indoor
courts The successful wielders of the racket on
the Yale side were Ruben Holden, a Cincinnati
pIaver who defeated Lieutenant Bird w. Wennan'
e-3 81 and y. G. Bliss. Of Warrensburg, Mo. and
II Hretz brooklyn expert, who defeated King
Smith nd ArtIm S Cragn 80, 6-3 and l0-s In
the doubles This was q tearing contest. especially
in the last set Neal c. Stevens, Of Morristown
y J.. and f. NJ Sheppard Of Pittsbure also car
ried of a match in doubles for Yale by defeating
/. H. Fitch and Lieutenant Wenman in straight
sets at 60 and 6-3
The summary follows:
siugles-wliiam b. Cragin jr, 7th Regiment, defeated
n . Stevens. Go. G-2: " Merrill Hall, Ith
Regiment defeated II Yale. G-1. 63i Robert
T!rvan 7th Regiment. defeated r Whtrous Yale. o p
ga; Arthur 9Th Regiment defeated IL Bundy
Yale G-I Sc; Morris 5 Clark 7th Regiment, defeated
defeated T. IL Converse. Yale. 2 6i; l. II. Fitch. 9TH
TRegiment defeated T. II Sheppard Yale. -. O.; r.
Holden Yale defeated b. W. Wenman. 7th Regiment
B-3. C.
I'm Hegmcat, defeated +. Watrous and r II. Converse
Yale G-1 Cd: Robert T. Bryan and Norris s. clark
7th Regiment defeated Ruben Holden and II. Bundy
Yale Sc 6-3. Stevens and T. NJ. Sheppard
Yale defeated l. Fitch and B. W. Wenmen Ith Regi-
ment c. G-S; b. O. Bliss and II. BFetz. Yale. de
feated Arthur Cragin and King Smith, Tth Regiment
Ga lO-S
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
STRONG FIVES My MEET.
Pennsylvania and Chicago Negotiat-
ing zCith y. Y. CRiuerSitu.

New York University is negotiating for a post
season basketball game with Pennsylvania. follow
ing the defeat OF Columbia by the Quakers last
week. game is likely to he arranged. and there
IS possibility Of series with the University of
Chicago. which won the Western championship
and Is anxious to meet unbeaten Eastern FIVE
The varsity letters Will probably be awarded to
the members Of the New York five. This action
has been recommended by a special committee and
Will probably be taken this week.
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
TIMELY AUTO TOPICS.
Date Set for Stock Car Race for
, the CObe T'rOphY.

The contest committee of the Chicago Automobile
Club has announced that the national stock car
automobile for the trophy offered by Ira NJ
Cobe president of the club. will be held on May
2s or June /. The committee has been handicapped
thus far by the lack information as to
the classification and formula under which the
contest will be conducted but tentative entries have
been made by a number of owners and manufact-
urers The official requirements for entry viii be
announced shortly by Frank B. Hover. chairman of
the contest board OF the American Automobile As
soCaton.
The course selected for the is in Lake Coun-
ty Ind. just the Illinois line. and about forty
miles from Chicago II is twenty-five miles in
length with three straiRhtaways and rather
sporty zigzag turn. There will be railroad
crossings and motorists who have been IT
say that IT Is likely to be of the fastest road
courses In the country.
II Is planned to secure il possible, the state
militia police the course. but falling In this.
enough deputy marshals will be sworn In 10 thor
oughIy protect the drivers and the specta
II was announced yesterday that Louis Strang.
winner OF the Savannah, Brarcliff and Lowell road
races last year. has been named drive Buick
car in the Chicago road race Strang sent in his
formal entry irrespective of conditions
Lew Allen has purchased the holdings of Messrs
Kingsley and Swan. of the Allen-Swan Company
which controls the output of Stearns cars on Long
Island He will continue president and general
manager while Bert W. Phillips Will succeed Hal
stead Swan as secretary and treasurer
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
COURT TENNIS CHAMPION BEATEN
jaw Gould, Paired with Crane. Goes Down
Before Two Professionals.

Cambridge. Mass March 6.-Jay Gould the court
ternts champion Of this country and Great Britain
and Joshua Crane, OF Boston. we're deieated IN an
exhibition court tennis match on the Ne"
-, o,,.+s to-day by Tom Petit. the tennis and
nuet aai club professional. and Alfred White. the
CaIIui nd crane made hard fight 10 win They
took The second set easily and carried the tnif1
set TO deuce, but finally lost pg sooie - %
a
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
BIG ENTRY FOR CLINTON GAMES.

Many entries have already been received for the
indoor games of De Witt Clinton High School. TO
be held In the esth Regiment Armory on Saturdfy
night Fifteen events are on The programme. IF
which three open
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
opeRA HOUSE NINE DEFIANT.

The baseball club Of the Metropol'tah ope,a .l
-. bos raorpantzed for this season, and wants
70 meet any theatrical nine in the city.
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
The summary follows:

C;oals for Coumbia-Dlaz Smith Goals for Pcnnsyi
vania-O'FarreL Referee-G. II. Dale. staten isand
JTIed club. Iinesmen-J. II. Treat Pennsylyahla ana
r. u Anderson columbia Time halves-45 minutes
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
Horses and Carriages.

I1OR sALE--BEAUTIFUL LIGHT BROWN CAR
II raEe team; -year-old mares perfectly sound
lie. broken r. Rs. trolsys and automobiles
rare chance tIy strong. sound aeceeted team used
10 city work; price si200. Address r. Box Tribune
oc1ce.
New-York tribune., 1909-03-07
Automobiles.

For other sports see sevath page.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-06-21
Parties. eanauets and Balls.

Let us have your order for Ices, Sher-
bets. Creams and Cones. Crescent
Cream Co, 209 So. W. Temple, Phones
1549.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-06-21
LEHI

Among the June weddings which took
of AiAs 2AEie 3sa--s Haz y .ss&m I5@d