The Lamar register., 1909-09-15
DOWN ON
THE FARM
The Rural Lie Di,lnt Appeal 10 Billy.


have meant any one Of number Of
disconsolate things. softly set his
suitcase down. the other fellows in
the office were not surprised.
They were alarmed.
They thought that something must
have happened to Billy or his girl or
his family.
Anything the matter?" one of
them asked. tenderiy and sympathst-
ically.
"Oh. no." answered Billy: mot =
thing the matter. I've Just decided to
alter my vacation plans. that's ALL"
The fellows looked at each other
quickly. significantly. and felt relieved.
Billy had elected that summer to
take his vacation ON . farm The day
he left he had been sneerins about the
"barbaric violence" that characterized
the business streets and the "hideous
noises" that "stinsd his very soul"
He told them that he was going to an
old-fashioned farm. where he could
spend few days as the Creator in
tended man to uye!"
Naturally his early return was
matter of interest.
Things didn't pan out?" ventured
anotf er. in tones that invited conf
dence. Tell W about 1t. Bully"
Every fellow was locking A. solemn
as he could. Consequently Billy talked.
mo MORE" he. said decisively. with
q shudder. as at bad memory. Down
on the farm may do for the
poets, but . hall bedroom and .
civilized mattress and gas and . bath
tub and running water within walking
distance for mine. every time. Maybe
! picked the wrong farm. There may
be farms all to the good. Just As the
poets say. but I don't want to look
for EN-. Two weeks At that place and
] would have been hopelsssly bug.
That farms about seven miles
from the railroad station. ~ I told
you. I think. before left. ny the way.
that seems about . month ago. In
stead of three days. Ny troubles be-
gan At the station and never let up
Till I got back here.
A Jap Of . boy with one cheek
bulged with Q Quid Of tobacco and q
sty on one eye was awaiting me at
the station. He had an old spring
wagon. A. they called It. TO which was
hitchsd . plug Of horse that seemed
TO b fossver trying To make up for
lost si.sp. In the back end Of the
wagoE sss . rocking chair for me to
sit In. climbed Nd and psrched. sv-
erybody At the station looking on. and
the jo'vaey was begun.
"GoipE up the nrst hill the plug fell
down and broke the harness. The zap
was nearly An hour patching II up.
anA in the meantime yours faithfully
vas calmly baking and blistering In
the sun.
81 arrived without further damass.
but Just a. Jumped out Of the wagon
one OF the numerous dogs about the
place discovered that . stranger was
In their midst and 1t took the zap. his
ma and pa and the hinsd girl to get
me safely to the house.
That supper! I'll forget II never!
Cold hog jovl. pumpkin butter. half
sour At that. corn btsad and buttsr-
milk!
ct had to 70 to bed at $50 10 kssp
from being left alone.
did you ever hear that talk about
the luxury and comfort OF . real coun-
try bed! Jumping into that feather
bed was Just like diving. The middle
Of my body sank until my feet were
right in front Of my fscs. tried the
stomach method Of repose. but my
spine was not sufficiently flexible.
Finally I squatted ON one side and
managed to drop into . doss. But not
fpr long.
Mosquitoes, They extended me an
ovation. I hid under . quilt and
sveated and had nightmare the rest
Of the night.
AT dawn the mosquitoes left and 1
was getting . wink Of precious slum-
Der when the farmer pounded on the
foot Of the stairs md yelled for the
Jap to get up and feedsths horses. A
little later I was again getting to
sleep when the hired girl banged on
my door and told me u was time to
get up and wash for brtakfast
II had to dress befoso washed.
The washing was done h . tn basin
tn front of the Kitchen door.
breakfast menu - strong ham.
strong coffee. strong eggs and strong
butter.
And during the meal the baby.
which occupied . high chair beside
me, spilled its milk in my lap.
didn't mind that. though. for had
Just been told that in my honor the
dogs had been chained.
After the delightful repast /
thought I'd 90 for . stroll In the YER
dant meadow Just abaft the barnyard.
Result: A bull got after me. barrel,
escaped by lodging around . she'd,
but the bull had speed up and ran
through q plank fence. tearing down,
. whole section of II.
The farmer wanted to tax me q
dollar for the damage done TO the
fence.
That was the limit Believe me. i
was provoked and I demanded To be
conveyed at once to the station.
The old skinfint dictated tsrms. \
was to forfeit the price Of . weeks!
board forgot to mention that was.
asked that night to settle week IT,
Hdvance-put up . dollar for the.
fence and ~ to BE- hauled To- the sta:
ton