davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
HUNOR OF THE Day

Her--Tm thinking OF marrying Jack.
HINT would break my heart! Her-Are
Jack, yes. love him like a BROTHER
Cleveland Leader.
''Ain't no simplicity these day." IT
spose It was different when you were a
dent Blank rode to the Capitol in 1921 to
be inaugurated he cranked his own auto
mobile. "-Louisville Courier-Journal.
this tooth out? Mrs. Simpson-Naturally
but will be SO sudden tina you won't
it viii be all over Wiileq qTin AMI ali
that could happen to me If had my head
pulled off.-Life.
rs your. son doing anything during va
cation?" Yes. He's making money hand
money in that" Every woman buys one.
It has one page day for what you do
neighbors do."-Puck.
mo, sir. can't see any sense in chas-
ing bunch of wild creatures around a
jungle. and shooting holes in them. If
nize It." Il guess you don't like Roose-
xelt:" Yes, DO. But don't like a will
M done al any SannE RSyn0 0S e cer
tainly not. I'm an angler. "-Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Stella-Have you got your going-away
gown? Bella-Yes,. and a going home-to-
mother gown.-Philadelphia Inquirer
Did your wife leave her will. Mr..
Banks?" mo, thank heaven" answered
the bereaved spouse, with sigh of re-
American.
You can't eat your cake and have it,
you know" THE deuce 1 can't. You eat
some of my wife's cake, and you'll have
it for about four days."-Cieveland Leader
We'll, I see those senator's are stiIl at
1t. What do you mean2" Taking Pres
ident Taft seriously and even trying to
revise our baseball team downward "a
Detroit Free Press.
I'm addition to the marriages reported,
we propose to add new feature to our
society page" Comprising what?'' THE
engagements denied. "-Louisville Courier
Journal.
Subscriber-Do tell me what you do with
all these clever jokes after you've printed
them? Magazine Editor-Madam, we send
EN- down to. Washington. when they are
Issued, slightly revised. as the bright say
QRS of congressman TJCx
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
THE GIFT OF MAN To con

LAE Il NE MAN III 0IOD.
When God at first made Man.
Having a glass of blessings standing by:
Let us (said He) pour on him all we can:
lie,
Contract into a span
So strength first made a way:
Then beauty flowed, then wisdom, honor,
pleasure;
When almost all was out. God made a
Rest in the bottom lay.
For If I should (said He)
Bestow this jewel also on my creature
He would adore my gifts instead of me-
AND rest IN nature. not the God of
So both should losers be-
Yet let him keep the rest
But keep them with repining, restless
ness;
Let him be rich and weary, that at least
II goodness lead him not, yet WEAKNESS
May toss him to my breast.
George Herbert
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
GLOBE SIGHTS.
LFrom the Atchison Globe. 7

[From the Atchison Globe1
One spot on a white apron spoiIs II.
To act sassy and look vicious is
great help in fight.
Most of the new stories you hear
are simply one ones with variations.
No man believes that he makes
any extra trouble around the house
when he is sick.
We have always imagined that we
would as soon keep a COW in the
house as a parrot.
An amateur singers great ambition
is to sing so pathetically that people
in the audience will cry.
If men were as violent in their ac-
tions as in their thoughts, the world
would soon be depopulated.
And it would help some If men
would only wait to be led into
temptation instead of hunting 1t up.
A cove oyster club has been or
ganized in Atchison. The members
believe that cove oysters are better
than fresh.
are so much like some church mem
bers that they can exchange pulpits
with them.
If men had right good sense. they
could see that seven-tenths OF the
schemes" offered to them are abso-
Iutely foolish.
Maybe one girl in fifty has two men
to choose between, but we don't be-
lieve the girl ever lived who had her
pick of three.
In every country neighborhood
there is always a man who Is always
after the school teacher, and trying to
have him removed.
A difference between a boarding
Mace and a home is that you can
leave the boarding place when IL
doesn't suit you, without any fear OF
scandal
Every morning" says an Atchison
married man, there are two canta-
Ioupes on my breakfast table. one is
for me- and the other for my wife
Being a pig, and the boss, I always
select what I think is the best one.
And I always get the poorest one"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
Little" Lorena sutherland needs q

Little" Lorena Sutherland needs a
good spanking and a gag placed on
Der mouth so that it will be impossible
for her to air any more of her views
to the public. AS for the man Stuckey,
who acted the part of a Christian
minister for some time, and who en-
ticed the girl away from her home, he
ought to be given a good long term in
prison so that he will have plenty of
time and opportunity to think it all
over.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
Bulldog and Valet Arrive.

When the Minnehaha, Of the Atlantic
Transport Line, came into port yester-
day she had aboard an animal mystery,
an English bulldog weighing about 40
pounds. He was accompanied from
London by two Pekinese spaniels and
one King Charles spaniel with a special
attendant to look out for his every
want, of which the passengers said he
had many 1t was impossible to get
any information about him other than
that he is valued at several thousand
dollars, and is on his way to Lebanon,
Pa.-New York Herald
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
[Fron the New York Press.l

The moro chances boy has to get
a good education the more he won't
take them.
When a girl didn't speak to a man
her mother told her not to it's a sign
they didn't meet.
A woman has so much imagination
she could think her figure was willowy
il it looked like a bowl of mush.
The more clothes a woman wants to
surpass her nelghbor, the more some
other woman wants to surpass her.
The satisfactory thing about making
love to a woman is she will believe you
mean 1t when she knows you don't.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

A dressmakers' convention is under
way in Chicago and in a few days now
the women of the west will be told
what they can wear in the way Of
clothes during the fall and winter. More
women would present better appear
ances If they would pay less attention
to the dictates of fashion and more to
styles which are becoming to their in
dividual physical characteristics.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

There will have to be a revision Of
the general verdict that the Germans
are SLOW" Plans are already in the
making in the land of the kaiser Tor
the establishment next year of dirig.-
bic balloon public passenger service be-
tween Berlin and other important cities
In the German empire.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

The Topeka Advertising club has
again buckled up its armor for the fray
and working with the rejuvenated
Commercial club it is bound to accom-
plish some fine results in the work of
developing Topeka to something like
her proper proportions. Let every one
in the city take a hand in the move
ment. It's a grand undertaking and
should be nushed along
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

There must be some mistake" says
the ever particular Chicago Tribune.
Neither Cook nor Peary speaks of
having seen the sign, You'll Like Ia
conan at the North Pole" Probably
this is merely an oversight due to the
engrossing controversy in which the
North Polers are engaged.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
FRON OTHER PENS
THE MELANCHOLY DAYS.

Now tho so-called melancholy days
have come, the comfortable days for the
body. 1t all depends upon the spirit
and the body. The body is comforta-
BILE and the spirit is uneasy. But the
spirit reigas, as becomes this season Of
the year. The whole of life and the
whole of nature is dying. The trees
will soon put on their garb Of passing
yellow leaI. My Lord Sun has put on
his golden and yet sickly hue; all the
world is clothed in the shimmering and
yet unlasting hue of the autumn sun.
We are passing into the winter and the
cold.
Nature has done US a good turn. No
normal human being cbuld endure
monotony Of seasons. Winter Is exs
the gree ngrass and the trees and the
fish and the singing birds-and all an
innate and inanimate nature that is a
part of summer. We love summer; with
all these excellent things, but winter
with its frosts and it's SHOWS. with its
sparkling morning and invigorating ev-
erings, with it's cracking fires and It's
wife or it's women or its wine or It's
song-With these things winter is GOOD
-Colum bia. n. c.. State.
CONSUMPTION IN CHILDREN.
Startling views are advanced by an
Edinburgh physician, who expresses
the belief that tuberculosis is very
much more common among children
than has ever been suspected, ana that
it is due more to airless homes ard
schools than to infected milk It IS
strange thing If with all the agitati9
that has been going on for the past
year or two over tuberculosis We have
overlooked one chief point of danger
The proper ventilation of homes is, OF
course, a matter that must be left TO
the slow process of public enlignten-
ment, but educational boards nave du-
thority to institute reforms in the
schools Immediately and thus close the
door to one source of the disease. Pre-
vention is SO emphatically the best cure
in consumption that no measure that
will keep it at bay should be neglected !
For that reason careful inspection OF
school buildings with this point In mind
could be no better time to take up the |
mater than at the opening of the scho VI
year.-Rochester Democrat and Chron- /
icle.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

The retrenchment plans in the posi-
office department, according to Mr..
Hitchcock, the postmaster general. do
not include any curtailment of the
rural free delivery service. Who is re-
sponsible for such a foolish suggestion,
anyhow? As Mr.. Hitchcock says, the
rural free delivery is expensive but it
is exceedingly important.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Mr.. Peary announces that he does not
wish to have any receptions arranged in
his honor until after the controversy
over the discovery of the North Pole is
settled. II this plan is adhered to such
receptions as he will get will be given
in the next world. Evidences abound
on every hand that the North Pole con-
troversy will abide among men as long
as the earth lasts
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

The young New York girl who is the
beneficiary of a large fortune under
conditions that she must not marry
either a divorced man or an actor will
probably have to live and die an old
maid. All men are actors, even If only
a few of their number get on the stage.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Mr.. CLAWS, ousted from the federal
land office, writes to President Tart
that he will make public all of the facts
in connection with the alleged Alaskan
scandal Hurry 'em along, Brother
CLAWS. Things are a little too quiet
and peaceable these days.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Because the sun shines constantly at
Annotook from April % to August 10,
the Chicago Record-Herald thinks 1T
must be difficult for the captain Of
baseball team that is being defeated
there to have the game called on &C
count of darkness"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

That Michigan man who is the father
of twenty-five living children and the
stepfather of twelve more is deserving
of bushel basket full of Carnegie
hero medals with the largest emolu-
ments that go with them. To rear and
protect lives on such a scale is quite as
heroic as to save person or two from
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

If there isn't one thing to worry over
there's another. 1t is now reported that
Kansas cattle are in danger from
Texas fever. There is satisfaction IN
the thought, though, that the d irlks of
such rumors and reports are often quite
worse than their bites.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Some refreshing news is found in the
announcement that one of the profess
sors of the University of Chicago has
been called to the Imperial University
of Pekin and has accepted the call.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

South America continues to strength
en- her reputation for being the home of
revolutions. One is now in progress IN
Paraguay.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23
FULL LEASED WIFE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

The State Journal is Il member OF TIE
Associated Press and receives the run gay
telegraph report OF that great news Or
Eanszation for the exclusive afternoon
publication IN Topeka
The news is received in The state jour
y7n~S.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Willie-Say, mother, will 1t hurt to have
this tooth out? Mrs. Simpson-Naturally;
but will be so sudden tina you won't
it will be all over. Wiilie-Um-that's all
that could happen to me If had my head
pulled off.-Iife.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

'Stella-Have you got your going-away
gown? Bella-Yes, and q going home to-
mother gown.-Philadelphia Inquirer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Did your wife leave her will, Mr.
Banks?' mo, thank heaven" answered
the bereaved spouse, with sigh of re-
lief, ''she took it with her."-BaItimore
American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

Her-I'm thinking of marrying Jack.
HINT would break my heartl Her-Are
you SO much interested in-er- Hmm
Jack, yes. love him like a BROTHER
Cleveland Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

You can't eat your cake and have H.
you know" 1.-The deuce 1 can't You eat
some of my wife's cake, and you'll have
it for about four days."-Cleveland Leader
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-09-23

well, / see those senators are still at
t." What do you mean?" Taking. Pres
revise our baseball team downward "a
Detroit Free Press.
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-03-03
x THE EVENING STARS TWO PACE MAGAZINE x
ROOSEVELT AND HANNA
An Interview just Come to Light in Which the President Told
Why lie Expected Defeat for denomination in 1904
and Why He Wanted to Be President Again.

Lindsay Denison.t the wenknown wspap n magazine writer,
contributes to he March number of he Crcle Magazine a remarkable
Theodore Roosevelt The conversation took place at a time when the
President little expected yer to be elected to his Office, believing that
III machine of his party had marked him for estructo He hrows
som interesting light on the events OF nose lays, IN l9oS, when Odel X
ad plat hwt began their quarrel in New York State, at he instga-
uon of Mark Hanna. the President say for the purpose OF overthrowing
80 him, you have seen the appearance on the horizon of a cloud. no
4 bigger than a man hand-a quarrel between oden and Plat.
Neither IF them knows, but Hanna is the nan who started them lighting.
ooner or later I will become tn bone of the quarrel and a subject for
elimination. Then Indiana will be discovered to be fol- Hanna, reluctant
though he may be to listen to such a call. Other States will b. in doubt but
with New York and Indiana against me wouldn't I be foolish to look for
ward to being elected President of the United states?"s
But" continued the President, IF it were by any means to happen. there
are three thngs 1 should like to do:
II shoul like to see our navy properly increased and improved. We
must soone Oh Iater-h law a great nav or be a subordinate nation. 1 would
like to b. the sponso of an adequate navy = Aks ~
+. "Cuba and our other island Deepen denotes must be started fairly n the
road to freedom 1 would like o be the President of the United States who
signed the papers
but third, his: The time is coming in this country for a REIMBURSEMENT
between the wage earner and the drawer of dividends. The radicals are al
most half right. Corporation cunning has developed faster than the la Of
nation or State 1t is undoubtedly true that corporations have found ways
to steal long before we hav found that they were susceptible of punishment
for theft. ES
But sooner oil lateru unless. there Is a seasono of readtustment. there will
com ariotous, wicked. murderous day of aonement. 1t is true that ONT
great fortunes are being accumulated lawfully but dishonesty. 1t is true that
other fortunes are being accumulated honestly but illegally. There must come.
in h proper growth of this nation, a REIMBURSEMENT. If it is not to come by
sword and powder and blood it must come by peaceful compromise. These
fools in Wall Street thnk that they a 70 IN forever! They cant!7 I would
like 10 be elected President oft the United States to be the buffer between
their foDishness and the wrath that is surely to come-unless they sober up
1T will be a thankess job. The President who attempts will leave the
White House more unpopular than even Grover Cleveland "a when he left
the White House But 1 would like to be that President of the. United
States" @HMf t fff@N
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-03-03
From Newspaperman to Press
Agent to Playwright and
the FoOtlights.

4 S HAS beer previously remarked
"a in these columns there are
plenty of newspaper men hold
ing State jobs. But probably George
M. Mccarthy, of Jersey City, member
Of the State Board of Equalization of
Taxes, is the only combination of actor
and newspaper man that is in Office
In Trenton at present. At least he Is
the only one known.
In his early years Mccarthy was a
newspaper man in Jersey City. The
West Side was his particular field, and
the results of his labors appeared under
the head of "West Side Winnowings.''
They used to say hat he could winnow
enough in one afternoon to last a week.
From straight newspaper writing he
got into press agent work, which
brought him some of the fame that still
attaches to him. He was publicity ar
tist for Anna Held, and during his oc-
cupancy of that position is credited
with having started the story of Miss
Held's daily baths in milk. Whether
it was true or not it was a good story,
and in those early days was considered
a marvel of ingenuity.
DcihS III anu dpout THEATRES u's
thoughts naturally turned in the direc-
ton of the stage, and before very long
he had forsaken the press agent end of
the business to take up play-writing,
He had several sketches put on the
vaudeville stage before he was finally
stopped in his mad career and became,
in company with his brother James, a
"blackface" minstrel man of consider
able renown.
He has dropped all that now, though
and so has his brother. The two are
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-03-03
Yue JOINT conNuTTeE FINANCE PLAN coMsiD Erred.

81 II would perhaps have been JUS al we'll for the legislature to rar he
report of HI joint committee or nan to thec ommttee on Federal relations"
suThe recommendations are weak m evasive of rale economy The chief burden
IS placed OF the municipal taxpayer, who is to be mulcted nearly million
sdolars annually by thiny disguised seizures of municipal and public school
= income The proposed economies in State expenses are aughable. Apart from
III reductions in the appropriations for Sea Grit encampment n tor improved
roads the actual economies in State expenses proposed aggregate thes m of
ysabout sn 600, INT of this M less than s37O is at the expense of State educa-
sgtlonal an semieducatonal interests that have n 10 political pull" The recon-
HNnendation for a halt in the work on h inland waterway, to determine where
.Nthe State stands in the matter n ascertain what private interests will be
aggrandke by it, rs confrmatory of a demand already made in the Legislature
Why the State should Tot also halt in isi improved rad building for this year.,
tEUntna durable method OF paving car be found. is a question the committee did
& not entertain The doubtful work Of obstruction is to be financed $4,000 worth
this year evidently under pressure. If the Railroad Commission which cost
water Supply Commission. which also is of n use,a md which cos sns41 last
out the travelling library. the free school library, the $4,000 for training
but preserve a political snecure that costs the State nearly three times
graph OF the proposition to revalue rolling stock, and it is suggested that the
be in the nature of killing the goose that lays the golden eg The result might
be a largely reduced annual income. The committee can perceive 10 new sources
~ State income. II is obnvious even to thu request of the State Fish and Game
Commission for a license law that would be worth $4,000 a yea to the State.
The committee doesn't nov thtth here are valuable untaxed fishing privileges
IN the long New Jersey seacoast But the innocence of the committee Of know1-
~ edge of duplicated officials n unnecessary subordnahs sin hi State depart
salnentsa as exhibited in the report nay De described as phenomenal. And now
That the Governor has his plan of finance which is % make h public schools
az pay he State piper, and now that h jont committee has ncubated it's plan,
above described, the municipalities being mulcted about the same by both plans,
perhaps the legislative minority can evolve third plan. A legislative minority
never had a better opportunity to distinguish itself
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-03-03
The Days, Best Story as
Told BY John D. Rockefeller

TOHN D. ROCKEFELLER, It the end of a days testimon in the row.
emments suit against the Standard Oil Company, talked to a group
of. reporters. The subject of quickwitedness I'M up and Mr. Rookie
Teller said:
"As quckwtted a man as 1 We knew al m Of u drvew-Tfmothy
back in the businesses early days.
We liked to keep our teams looking nice, and so we instituted a an.
nua prize for. thu mn who could show the best groomed horses the clean
est stalls, the brightest harness, M s. forth. 49,
Timothy seemed certain of thisp prize. and when midyear inspection time
cameasure enough his splendid work left nothing to be desired.
But as thu inspector took me last look around. just as he had made
up his min to give the prize to Timothy, h frowned, for his we had
fallen oil a cobweb in a dim corner Of the gray mares stall.
Timothy saw the inspectors facec change and Jaw the aus Of the
change. and he spoke u p brskly:
I keep that there web there, boss he said, TO catch the flies The
way they torment the mare is sumpn' herce," J
The star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1908-1909, 1909-03-03

~
on opposite sides of the political fence
and SO stand a chance to keep the good
things in the family no matter how
the cat or the Governor jump. George,
who is secretary of Rotherham's coun-
ty committee in Hudson, was appointed
by the Governor to his place on the
equalization board. His brother, a
New Idea man, had his appointment
as second assistant prosecutor of Hud-
son approved by the same Governor.
All of which shows what an agile man
the Governor can be If he ants to.
Another of the things that Mccarthy
has to his credit is his work as men,
Der of the Jersey City Health Board.
1t was while he was in Office and
through his work that the conditions
existing in the old Jersey City Hospital