Los Angeles herald., 1909-09-16
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to see him, an 1 don't notice dem
bow legs of hissen, an de very fust
word dat he says to me is: Land of
Goshen, Mirandy, how you is fell off!
l declare to gracious, dere amt none
of desc heah young gals dats got
f1gger lax yourn."
Yessum, vacation shorely is life
savin' station for matermony, an l
spects dat eff hit warn't for de chanst
dat we has to git away from each
odder in de summer for a while dat
most of us would bust de tie dat binds
an chafes so dat dere wouldn't be no
patchin' of hit togedder no mo-. But
dere's one thing dat 1 is thankful for,
an dat is dat de Recording Angel
knocks off wuk an shuts up shop In
de summer time. Becaze eff he didn't
most of US would have a through tick
ct for de place where hits summer all
de time. Yessum, we shorely would.
Any way you looks at hit dere's one
mighty funny thing about de summer
time, an dat is dat as de he'mom-
etor goes up folkss religion goes down,
an dey does things on de Fo'th of July
widout winkin a eye or turnin hair
dat hit would des plumb scandalize
EN- to even think about doin' at Chris
mus.
Yessum hit pears lax de hot wealth
er kinder melts down yo' principles,
an gives de Ole Boy chanst, an de
fust news you knows you is segasuatin'
out of de straight an narrow path,
an is clippin hit at a two-forty gate
down de broad road of sin an destruc-
tion. Dat you is. 1 knows becaze l
has jest been dere.
Yessum, here l is, a mother in Us
rael, what is de president of de Daugh-
for- .DFU ,,,s i, OF f,, ID
ner at chu'ch an wrastled wild de
mourners for nigh on to thuty years.
Mo'over, rs a respectable married
woman wild a houseful of chillen, an
temperance convictions an odder
drawbacks to havin' a good time, an
in de winter l sutnly is straight laced.
I don't drink nothin' stronger dan lem
onade, an when Ike takes me to de
show, an one of dem hussies comes
! out to do a song an dance in dress
dat amt nothin' but a ruffle around
de waist, an skinny ruffle at dat,
rs dat frustrated an shocked dat
almost shuts my eyes, an 1 holds my
fan up befo' Ike's face
Yessum, it sho' am awful to me, an
eff anybody would come along about
dat time an prophesy dat in less dan
six months dis two hundred and ten
pounds of virtue would be a-wanderin'
down de seashore in a frock dat
warnt no bigger dan a postage stamp,
1 sut'nly would take de skillet to EN-
Dey shorely would "a wished dat dey
had carried a accident policy eff dey
had said dat thing to me, yet dats
exactly de kind of foolishness dat de
summer time got me into dom last
week.
AN dat amt all. When hears some
men dat was a-standin' on de beach
say dat I Is built on de lines of a livin
picture, instead of calm for de police
lax 1 would in de winter, I des parades
myself by 'em one mo- time-me, dat
is a Christian wife an mother!
An what you think I done wild my
w. T. c. u. badge? I put hit away,
becaze 1 knowed dat 1 was gwine to
need hit next winter when 1 was
speeCherfyin' to de sinners bout de er-
rors OF dere ways in lookin on de wine
when hit is red, but you better believe
dat 1 didn't go about wild any no-drink
tag on me at de seashore, an 1 'spects
dat de rest of de temperance bregalia
must have done de same way, becaze
eff dere was any white ribbons futterin'
around l didn't see 'em.
OATS huccom when meets up wild
Br'er Ben, what is de deacon in my
chu'ch, what takes up de collection an
leads de prayermeetin', dat 1 warn't
noways scandalized when he axed me
to have drink.
sis Mirandy," says he, "I's tenn
perance man, an de stand dat you is
tooken against de Demon Rum is
mighty nigh squshed de head of de
monster, but bein' as how de day is
hot, an dat st. Paul recommended a
little wine for de stomach's sake, axes
you to Jine me in a glass of beer"
An I 'spon's dat rs always heered
dat beer is mighty fine to ward off sun
stroke, an den we had one, an den
anodder, an anodder, ontil sort of lost
count, but Br'er Ben say hits all right
for prohibitionists to drink all de beer
dey wants in de summer, specially
when dey is away from home where
dey amt knowed.
Hits dis way, Sis Mirandy," says
Bder Ben, an tell you dat Brer Ben
| is a mighty edifyin' man, hits dis
way. You an me is jest po' weak
creeters dat Is in de hands of de Lawd.
In de winter we's strong in de faith
| Gaze wes all braced up wild de cold,
but eff he sees fitten to send de sun in
de summer an take de stif'nin' out of
our good resolutions, hit amt for us
to question de wisdom of hit. Mo-
over in de winter you amt got de
thirst, but in de summer time all de
objections dat 1 is got to de workin's S
of Providence is dat L amt giraffe
wild a throat a mile long"
! An dere's anodder funny thing about
de summer time. What is hit dat
makes folks break out wild lies and
braggin' at de same time dat dey does
wild prickIy heat Now jest look at me.
rs po', humble woman what takes
in washin when Is at home, an 1 has
| to scuffle all knows how to keep meat
in de pot an shoes on de chillen, but
jest let me git away from home in de
summer an you'd think L was rollin'
in riches. 1 jest let's go all hold on
de truth an spreads myself, an I has
to, to keep up wild de big talk of de
odder women.
Yessum. 1 bet dat de thermometer
was about ninety-nine in de shade de
time dat Ananias an Sapphira told dat
whopper dat dey got struck dead for,
an hits mighty lucky for folks dat
de Lawd amt takin' no such snap
Judgment nowadays on liars, Gaze eff
he was to- dere'd be mighty few of us
dat would live to git home from our
summer vacation.
borhood," replied Freddie, II have