Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-06-18
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fiddle.
Teacher during lesson on fowls)-
Mary, what is an egg? Mary-An egg
is chicken not yet.
Recruit-Please sergeant, I've got a
splinter In my and. Sergeant In
structor-Wot yer been doin'f Strokin'
yer 'ead?-Punch.
your fiancee seems to have a will
Of her own" "Yes, and sometimes
half regret that I'm the sole bene-
fciary."-Philadelph Press.
Scott-Wherever does Easily get the
idea that his jokes are funny2 Mott
Oh, he tells them to young ladies with
pretty teeth London Answers.
He-Miss Seerand holds her age
remarkably well, doesn't sfie2 She
Indeed she does. She has been % for
at least ten years.-Illustrated Bits.
Dentist Ito workingman, who has
just saved him from drowning)-My
dear man, how can express my graft
tude! Come to my house and I'll pull
every tooth in your head for nothing.
80 your boy Josh is an inventorT
Eyes" answered Farmer Corntossel.
"Ne has invented LOT O. labor-saving
devices" "What are theyT" Excuses
for not working. ."-Washingt Cd. O.
Star.
Mother, I've a dreadful thing to
confess to you. Last night, when you
told me to lie down in bed, lied
down, but after you turned out the gas
l grounded my teeth at you in the
dark !"
Passenger Agent-Here are some
postcard views along our line of rail-
road. Would you like them? Patron
No, thank you; I rode over the line one
day last week and have views of my
own on it.
II strolled into the Globe last night
and heard Maxil, and want to say
right here that I think him the great
est monologlst In the world" "You do,
eh? You never heard my wife."-Bos-
ton Courier.
Farmer Honk (muslngly)-Theys say
Deacon Klutchpenny's wife was a par
agon before he married her, and
Mrs. Honk (briskly) Nothing of the
kind! She was Smith! l knew the
whole family.-Puck.
He was countryman. and he walk
ed along busy thoroughfare and read
ha
Ing establishment, Cast Iron Sinks"
1t made him mad. He said that any
idiot ought to know that.
Invalid Husband-Did the doctor saw
was to take all that medicine? Wife
Yes, dear. Invalid Husband-Why.
there's enough there to kill a donkeyl
wire (anxiously)-Then you'd better
not take 1t all, John !-Tit-Bits.
Former Customer (after long alb
sence)-What has become of the pretty
blonde that used to feed the hungry at
this lunch counter? Dark Skinned
Waiter Girl-Tm her. What you goin'
to order, sir?-Milwaukee News.
Mamma, may l play with Johnnie
CrossT' mo, Georgle. He's a bad
boy, Let him play with the other bad
boys well, that's all right, mamma.
His mother says I'm the worst boy on
the street. et."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs. Boggs-Mr. Meekman is
splendid example Of what a man ought
to be. Mr.. Boggs-Not on your life.
He's splendid example of what
wife, two sisters. a grown-up daughter
and mother-in-law think a man ought
to be-Puck.
squire'ss Daughter-Would you mind
throwing your little boy into the pondP
j want to see If my dog will rescue
him. Villager- Certainly not. squires
Daughter-1 do wish you would. You're
the second woman I've asked who has
said "No."-Punch.
Little 4-year-old Allen had been civ.
en- "Noah's ark" on his birthday. One
day he put the animals all in, shut the
door and Sat silent for some time.
what are you waiting for, AllenY,
asked his mother. Waiting for 1t to
rain," he replied.
Doctor-Why, how is this my dear
sir? You sent me a note stating that
you had been attacked with mumps and
| find you suffering from rheumatism.
Patient-That's all right, doctor There
wasn't a soul in the house that knew
how to spell heumatism-London Tit
Bits.
what brought you here, my poor
MANI" inquired the prison visitor.
"Well, lady" replied the prisoner, "I
reckon my trouble started in attendin'
too many weddin's." "Ah! You learned
to drink there, or STEAL perhaps?"
mo, lady; I was always the BRIDE
groom. "-Philadelphia Innnirer