Willmar tribune., 1909-03-24
DIAGNOSIS OF THE new CABINET
By Doctor Clarence"

One of the most remarkable mani
festations Of occult powers that have
come to my notice of late years is
that shown by Taft in the selection
of his cabinet. No ordinary human
mind could have discovered such
unknown quantities and found in
them the capabilities for the re-
sponsible positions in the presi-
dents cabinet. 1t is my firm con-
viction that Taft went into a cata-
leptic trance, in which condition
his mind wandered all over the
whole country, peering without
hindrance thru the skulls of men
and discovering their hidden powers.
No other theory will satisfactori-
ly explain the selection of more
than one or two of the members of
the cabinet.
Philander Knox is one of those
who is known to be of cabinet size.
If anyone has the least doubt about
Phil's mental development it is only
necessary to point out the fact that
he was at one time the leading
lawyer for the steel trust. The big
trusts don't hire lawyers for their
good looks or proficiency in playing
golf: they select the best legal tai.
ent, and front place in their legal
department is as good evidence OF
unusual capability as could be OBJ.
tanned anywhere. So prominent
was Knox as a trust pillar that
Teddy called him into the cabinet
to take charge of the work of en-.
forcing the anti trust law, figuring
that the man who knew exactly
how trust was put together woulC
be just the man to take it apart ol
regulate it so it would run accord.
ing to the standard time of the
country as determined by the late
Mr.. Sherman. Knox started in
but then one of the branch estab.
lishments of the steel trust, namely
the Pennsylvania legislature, elected
him to the U. S. senate, and he hac
to quit the work he had begun
The said work has, however, beer
pushed by other men with such re-
markable vigor that the number o1
trusts in active operation today i:
not over fifty per cent greater thar
it was when the work of extermi
nation was commenced. In fact, 81
scared have the financial marauder:
become that when they want to COB
BILE up some very big rival they g
directly to the president and ge
him to tie up the watchdogs Of tn
attorney generals department whil'
they are doing the job. Phil nov
goes into the department of state
where he will proceed to make re
ciprocity treaties for the senate t.
kill
!
! Hitchcock, the postmaster gen
eral, is the young man who con
ceived the brilliant idea of card in
dexing every voter in the country
There was to be card for eacl
voter, giving name, age, color 0
|eyes and hair, extent of badness
family connections, business, churcl
connections, lodge affiliations, po
lice record, etc. He was so bus,
about this that he forgot to run tn
campaign, as he had been appointe'
to do, so some real politicians wer
sent in to do that job while Franl
played solitaire with his indexe
cards. Taft, as is we'll known,
a firm believer in civil service re
J form. and knowing his weakness il
that respect he counterbalanced
by putting into the post office de
partment a man who does not be
lieve in it at all. This shout
strike a happy medium, allowin,
for instance the use of civil servic
; laws where it won't effect the part