The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-07-11
DOGS AND DOG FELLERS
BY JOHNNY BURKE No ID.
BY JOHNNY BURKE

Say, did you ever notice that when
you butt into a game that's dealt by
somebody else, you come out Of it look
ing like a chimney sweep that's been
rained on? Well, les so.
The other night ! takes on d pre-
science that 1 ought to go to Saltair to
et some OF Pat Moran's asphalt ozone
watt OF me. Down at the depot 1 notes
a little, fuzzy-wuzzy dog-I reckon it's
dog, SEEM as it looks a little like
one, anyway-havin' a most terrific
fight with piece Of oily waste that's
hangiu' out of a journal box. Most all
the oil on the Saltair line, l guess, has
been soaked up in that piece of waste,
an the harder this here dog fights the
more grease is communicated onto him.
It's so great fun to watch this here
battle royal that I eggs on the dog.
Git i'm, boy" says !, shake i'm up,
Towser." An Towser does his level
best an that's a heap.
Pretty soon there arises out of the dis
lance what / takes first to be d gillilOo
bird, but il turns out to be a woman.
Say, talk about your cOstumesi Gee,
but this here apparition's got on all the
harness in the paddock First my iris
lens lamps on a lid that looks like the
big top of a dog and pony show. An
it's that covered with luxuriant vege-
tation an feathers that you'd think you
was in a jungle full of gay foliage an
parrots an stuff. Under this is a gown
that's sure a dream; you know it's a
dream because when you look a while
you come out of il like you do out of
the sleeping sickness the morning after
you've smoked too many of those i'm
ported black cigars. The coloratura Of
this is lavender. such a joyful lavender
that you'd swear it was going to melt
right there. Somehow or other she'd
missed out on a sheath outfit that's COM
plete, but she's got a row Of pearl but
tons where the sheath ought to be as
big as buckwheat cakes 1 notes a
tremendous pile of huffy-ruffes on her
chest. This bunch of lace an stun
looks like the candy the guy at the cir
Gus spins out with a machine. it's that
delicate. Then she's got a parasol that's
made out of mosquito wings, I guess
All at once Pm aware that the story
about Vesuvius bein' quiet again is an
awful lie. When she glaums the dog
she makes for him an his enemy, that's
now down an out, an snatches him to
her bosom, shFiekin' like a busted low
note on a caliOpe.
''Sacre." she yells away above the
top Of her voice. My poor Tasso
What have gay make of my innO-
cenCe2 What have ices Saxon hounds
done to ze little darling hearth"
Meanwhile that bosom of airy-fairi-
ness has took on the look of a skid
road in a lumber camp, and Tasso is
fair rainin' down oil on the lavender.
It's plumb a shame, an I begins TO get
a hurt in my conscience that I'd helped
10 bring on this cataclysm of axle
grease.
I will keel re guard. I viii re life
nn % l. A. r1,o
tin wilder all the while "Parbleu! I
will go to re prefecture of re police, and
l viii show zem that re COmtesse de
Calaligob will not be insult. Msieur le
COmte will vengeance have. 1t is re am
baSsadOr, re M'sieur JusseTand who
will hear zis outrage"
After she's had a couple of spasms
more she climbs UP into the open car
beside me. Then I sees her face quite
plain. The maid that manufactured
that face sure earned her stipend. she's
done that good a job on it; an it's
still all there except where the enam-
els cracked by the undue strain put
on it by Madame Calaligob's eruptions,
and where Tasso's left a squirt or two
of oil. She's all the grape nuts with
the perfumery, too. She's got the pow
erfulest smellin' dope on that ever as
sails my nOstrils; an when you con-
slider that this is mixed with plenty odor
of axle grease the's somethin' over
pOwerin' about it.
All the way out to Saltair she wipes
and wipes the dogs face with a lace
handkerchief, an when that gets soaked
plumb through she uses her parasol
Every time she wipes TassOs nose, Tas-
so gives a big sneeze, an shakes him
self. spreadin' oil around pTOmisCuOus
We hits Saltair at last, with madame
in higher dudgeOn than ever. Gee, but
she's a fierce lOOkin' wreck,
Then I loses Mrs. CalaligOb for a
while until I'm sittin' watchin' 'em
dance, when all of a sudden l gets this
line Of conversation:
"Ah, NJ sieur, you are re gentleman
who was on re train. You have a kind
face. 1t is 1 who am in trouble now
/ have re dance with re gentleman, but
there is no one to take care of my poor
Tasso. You will hold re little darling
M'sieur. viii you not?" and she plumUs
TassO into my lap. Tasso has partially
succeeded in Kidding himself Of all of
the oil, an is in a condition that mebbe
in two or three days he'll be a clean dog
again.
Pretty soon I misses madame's grace
full presence on the floor, an finds my
self Obsessed of TassO. I waits a plenty
long time for Mrs. Calaligob to show up
for her darling tOOtsie-WOOtsie, but she
don't show none.
About last train time I'm IN doubt as
TO whether to throw Tasso into the
lake or bring him to town Bein as 1
hold it a crime At for capital punish
ment to kill a dog, I brings Tasso in
with me. Then I'm as bad off as ever,
for ! don't know what to do with him.
Finally I takes him, carefully concealed
about my person, to the hotel where
sleep.
I puts TassO on d fine young bed that
makes for him on the floor, but no
sooner am I in bed than, J 'sling, up
and through the buildings. Everything
concerning the buildings is explained !;