davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-05-22
WOMEN ONLY" CARS A FROST IN LII OIL NEW YORK

exclusively for women during the rush
hours.
The thing was a ga -ad failure from the
start. The rear-end cars were plainly
placarded vFor Women Only" but when
normal women saw those placards they
shifted most distinctly and indubitably
sniffed-And then packed themselves into
the cars where both sexes were permitted
to stand up and hang on to straps. The
view Of the sniffers was that they
weren't going to be forcibly and incon-
tinently herded with women at the be-
hest and demand OF the frumpish
busybodies of their sex who formulated
this demand They showed clearly
that they preferred to stand up in the
cars where men were allowed
At the present time you'll see these ''For
Women Only" cars occupied during the
rush hours by straggly bunches Of little
old women with popped bonnets and with
market baskets on their arms; but you'll
never see young woman nor q good
looking woman in one OF them. Thus,
while all of the forward cars are packed
and jammed with men and women try
ing to get TO and from their work. the
rear car is practically useless as a pas
senger-carrying coach This is bad enon-
omy from q railroad-operating point Of
view. so that now the subway managers.
very rightly and properly are complain
ing that they can't afford to operate a
practically dead and deserted car hitched
~ CNSis CApICSS tIafus 8iiu SACS iS 6o1hS
to get the permission OF the public serv-
Ice commission to abandon the For
Women Only cars altogether.
{. Women are going to ride with men folks
Just as long as there are public vehicles.
Over in Brooklyn. for example. on the
l. roads. smoking cars marked For Men
Only" are operated during the morning
rush hour. Does that Smoking Car
sign deter the business girls or the shop
ping women from getting aboard the For
Mar nrtx rnR Rc9 ~ ba xx.nF
en- frou-frou right into the smoking cars
ana plump themselves into seats along
Evening star., 1909-05-22

across the board this approaching sum
mer. I'm glad you mentioned the mat
ter at this time. In order to give me a
chance to put myself on record on the
topic. And now you've got 1t. I'm
going to stick to my camp In the District
OF Columbia. But you can go canoeing
in the Algonquin country of Canada, II
you care to. Or you can join Bwama
Tumbo at the Ju ia ranch near Mombasa
and help him to slaughter okapi and to
kill mother leopards and grab their
sucking cubs. Nobody's going to at
tempt to chain you to any stanchion. you
But me? Washington for mine!"
Mrs. Jobson took 1t upon herself to
smile and to exude her little joke.
Perhaps" she joked. mildly. you are
a convert to the theory that Washington
is a summer resort?''
mo. I'm not!' chopped back Mr. Jobson
without the least hesitation in life. Moth
ing like. 1t! Not in a thousand years!
When 1 become a convert to any such a
fool theory as that I want somebody to
hit me back Of the left ear with a croquet
mallet. The man who tries to pull 1t
that Washington IL a summer resort
sociation that takes all tho coin he can
earn or else he suffers from an acute
and chronic case Of tightwaditis that
won't permit OF his blowing himself to a
ride as far as Hyattsville or Fairfax
Court House. Washington. as a summer
resort reminds me OF what l have read
and heard of the interior of the desert OF
Sahara. So, madam, you can nag that
particular brand OF humoristicalness. I
am obsessed by no such an hallucination.
My set and unaltered purpose OF remain
Evening star., 1909-05-22

won't you? Here you've got a pocket
full of money, everything's in tiptop
shape with you, affairs fne and smooth
at home, wife getting perkily proud OF
you on account of that new leaf you
turned over six months ago-and, say.
look a-here, you're not going home with
q Jag on now and put the dark saucers
of worry under the little woman's eyes
again, are you? You know perfectly
well that Il you take one drink you'll
want hundred. and then you'll probably
hike around half the night. or all OF
it. drinking. and you'll wake up In the
morning with a terrific head. and broke.
more than likely. and the wifes heart
broken, and then you'll send out for q
drink, Just to relieve you Of the head. SO
that you can get into your clothes and go
to the Office, and then you'll have ten
or q dozen more and before noon you'll
be drunk and incapable all over again.
and so on for numerous days afterward;
and then the old doctor man, valerian,
bromides. sleeping powders. chicken
broth to get your stomach back, fierce
resolutions-and general blackness; same
old thing all over again. You see 1t
all, don't you? Well. then, get on that
car that's coming and don't take that
first drink
AT this point the dipsomaniac. still
in the clutch Of temptation, suddenly
halts and permits his mind to dwell upon
the mental exhilaration that he knows a
few drinks will produce. He Is swayed
and shaken by this contemplation.
Blame 1t all.' he exclaims. rritably.
to himself, it's mighty dull grind I
have OF 1t at best. and my life's pretty
monotonous, dun-hued affair, anyhow,
Evening star., 1909-05-22
e

don't want TO do anything. go anywhere
or be cared for In any manner whatever
that involves their separation and Sc
. clusion from male beings. And after a
while. maybe. the worlds busybodies will
learn to accept this as one Of the funda-
mental facts of life.
You'll recall that a couple OF months
ago the rear cars OF the express trains
on the subways were set aside. during
the rush hours. for the exclusive accom-
mediation OF women folk.
There hadn't been any general demand
on the part OF women for that sort OF
thing. But a lot OF fussy women. mem.
bers OF female municipal leagues and
such like. who enjoy seeing their names
I'm type even il the names are misspelt.
kept besieging the offices of the subway
people and Of the public service commits
sion. demanding" that separate cars be
provided for women on the subway. In
order to get rid OF these persons the sub
way people and the public service COM
mission decided that the tag-end car OF
the express trains should be set aside
Evening star., 1909-05-22

ing in Washington this summer. and for
ali summers to come during the remainder
of my natural life, is based upon the
comfort idea. II human beings ever re-
uuire at any season Of the year the COM
forts of home then summer Is the period
when they require them.
"It has taken me a good many years to
dope this point out, but I've finally got
it. Summer is the lollful season. A man
especially q married man-can't loll
enough to hurt himself at a summer
resort. All OF the time that he isn't put
ting in hooking up his wife's waist in
the back is spent In trying to look pretty
around blazing hotel verandas filled with
knocking old women who hate everybody
on earth, including themselves. Summer
resorting Is too hard work. You're re-
quired to be too blithe. gay. clippish and
cut-uppy at q summer resort. And what
do you get in return? Canned goods.
knocks. dyspepsia and misery.
Not for me! Never again for your little
playmate! 1 don't care how hot 1t gets
get that way-don't you imagine that
don't know 1t. But it's hot everywhere
in the summer. It's hot in Greenland In
the summer, a man who'd been there told
me the other day. It's hot around
Moosehead lake In Maine in the summer
time. You can't run away from the sun.
And I'm through trying. So, If you please.
we'll consider this matter disposed OF.
You, as say, can go anywhere you want
Evening star., 1909-05-22

cut-over land and the perpetuation of ex-
listing forests by use. And at small ex-
pense-which we refuse to authorize
much OF the damage done to standing
timber by injurious insects could be pre-
vented.
The forest service has done great work
in recent years and has accomplished
much. It has made mistakes. 1t is true.
but the mistakes were of administrative
detail rather than of policy or OF intent.
and not one OF them was Of great mo-
ment. Moreover. the service is willing
and more than able to take care OF itself
with respect to this: to contend with
this inevitable phase Of it's big problem.
With Q forest ranger, not over well paid,
to every 200 square miles of forest re-
serve. 1t Is not to be expected that every
one Of them will develop into a faultlees
executive officer and administrator. with
out complaint. Of the manifold affairs Of
his little kingdom.
Year by year the appropriations for the
forest service have been increased.
Lacking the opposition that has met 1t
at every turn. 1t would be today where.
even under favorable circumstances, 1t
will be a decade or more from now.
Waste places would be forested. desc
late burned tracts would now be living
green, the notwithstanding fire demon
would be under control and the future
would wear a vastly more rosy aspect.
Evening star., 1909-05-22

passel OF actors who haven't been en-
gagged In doing much actoring for quite a
while are going to help to garner the
Kansas harvest this year.
An agent Of the Kansas farmers. visit
ing the east for the purpose OF assembling
men to vamp out to Kansas and earn as
high as So per day. and keep for helping
to get in the Kansas crops when the
crops are ready. started this thing ana
he's going to get away with 1t.
He was trying to make his way along
the east side Of Broadway through the
close throngs OF actors out of work who
line that side OF the Main Alley.
'Who are these huskies with all OF the
time In the world on their hands" the
Kansas farmers agent inquired OF the
New Yorker who was guiding him.
These ginks." replied the New Yorker.
'are unemployed hams"
"Hams?" said the Kansas agent. used
as he was to the strictly porctne appii-
cation OF that word.
"Workless actors" explained the New
Yorker.
How do they liver asked the Kansan
'.They don't" said the New Yorker.
'"They just stand around on Broadway.
This was the germ of the idea. The
jobless actors looked likely to the Kansas
farmers agent He instituted inquiries.
He found that there have been no less
than 5000 honest-Injun actors out OF
work In New York for more than year.
The kansan rounded some OF 'em up and
made them a proposition.
Three day. a months work guaran-
teed, good cooking, chance to get In nne
physical trim, sweet prairie breezes and
things-come on out and help us Kansas
fellers get in our crops was the gist
of his proposition.
1t looked good to the group of actors
he'd corralled. They spread the proposi.
tion around. 1t looked good to all OF
them The eats end of 1t probably ap-
pealed to them more even than the three
q day, for the fame Of the Kansas hired
Evening star., 1909-05-22
<SvYY said the first man
w ALWAYS makes me think OF the

SsVyYASHINGToN," said the first man.
w always makes me think OF the
time when I was a boy"
Indeed" mildly inquired the second In
dividual.
Yes. When I was quite young I was
here for a short time. and while out
walking one morning l stopped to talk
with a group OF men. 1t was a pleas
ant morning and the crowd looked inter
esting. so joined them. as a young man
will. I had not been talking with them
long when a gentleman approached. II
was President Grant. He was taking his
usual walk along Pennsylvania avenue.
Not thinking about him, I asked for a
match No one OF the crowd had one.
Then an idea occurred to one and he said:
I dare you to ask the President for
light Well, as l said before. I was only
a young kid. 1 would not take a dare. So
I walked up to the President when he
came abreast OF me and said: Good
morning. He politely raised his hat In
returning the salutation. Would you he
so kind as TO give me light I was
not sure what the result would be and
was a trfie nervous. The President re
piled: why, certainly. and. taking the
ever-present black cigar from his mouth.
passed II to me and lighted my cigarette
from the end of it. Then. with a remark
as to the beauty of the weather, he again
raised his hat. and with Good Morning
went his way.
Evening star., 1909-05-22

dren on that is more than l can see.
Have to pinch and save. don't you?'
I could tell from the expression on the
back of the quiet mans head that he was
blushing, and that he could have slaugh-
tered the loud person and enjoyed 1t.
I've got to get some clothes this week.
the raucous citizen continued, apparently
unconscious of the fact that he was
shatterng the atmosphere for the benefit
of everybody on that car. How much
did YOU pay for that outfit you've got
on?'
The little man leaned over and whisper
ed something In his friends ear.
"Ten-fifty?" shrieked the noisy nui-
sance. why, that must be made of
shoddy. They don't last. It pays to get
good clothes. This suit I've got on stood
me $50 and I've worn 1t three seasons.
But I guess you can't afford to do that on
on credit? Where do you"
feet. yanked the bell rope and was climb
ing off of the car. He didn't say any
thing or make excuse about having
forgotten something. He just couldn't
stand 1t any longer. and beat 1t.
And the yap that was with him, not
aware of the fact that he should have
been arrested for disturbing the peace.
or that he was charter member of the
ginlet club. whose motto is Bore broth
er. bore folded his arms on his chest.
threw his head back and began to wiis-
tie.
II mental suggestion had been good for
anything he'd have been real dead man.
Evening star., 1909-05-22
A Shame.

~OL. HIRAM C. SHELLEY. at Grand
- Army banquet in Duluth. praised the
shrewdness OF the civil war veteran.
''These old war horses" said Col Shell
ley. "are courted. when their wives die.
by. young women. sometimes OF great
beauty. The young women pretend to
love them, but what they really love Is
the widows pension that q veteran. after
his last battle, leaves behind.
THE old war horses are not to be
fooled. Seldom indeed do you hear OF
their marrying. I know of but one such
marriage. I'll call him Scraggs.
"Old Scraggs. the day after his wife s
death. married the hired girl. lass of
seventeen. The indignant neighbors gath
cred under his window on the wedding
night and gave him a serenade with tin
horns, wash boilers and the like. Solo
lists roared through megaphones the gen.
eral opinion on his marriage.
''At last Scraggs appeared on the bal
Evening star., 1909-05-22

to and stay as long as you like. But me!
Here, all summer! That's all. The In
cident is closed"
Mrs Jobson always pays due heed to
Mr.. Jobson's tone Of finality. And SC
her tentative experiment seemed at least
temporarily dished. Yet. somehow, Mrs
Jobson didn't repine.
Two evenings ago Mr.. Jobson brought q
la. se bundle home under his arm. When
he undid the bundle many gaily-colored
booklets Uttered the sitting room table.
Works OF art. some o. these things.
explained Mr.. Jobson. That's why
sent for 'em. Beautiful illustrations
Superb typography and things. Don't
see how the railroads and steamboat COM
panies and such like can afford to send
such booklets out to every Tom, Dick
and Harry for a few postage stamps.
"They are lovely. aren't they?" ex-
claimed Mrs. Jobson. picking up book
let devoted to the lakes Of Canada. And
what q lot OF beautiful places they tell
about that one has never even heard Of
beforev'
"'S right" said Mr.. iJobson. rubbing
his chin. worth while finding out about
such places even II a person doesn't
ever expect to see 'em. Well just go
over this mass Of booklet stun in a
leisurely manner. No hurry Maybe
we'll find something in 'em to interest
u.s."
After dinner. over his cigar. Mr. Job
son began to paw over the lovely sum-
mer resort booklets.
Evening star., 1909-05-22
Co., -p@%A@5f$@e%<S- 90

kind of hose that the stern decree Of GUS
tom forces us to wear on our fool feet
socks. stockings. stockinettes. the knit or
spun or woven things that we wear un-
derneath our shoes? Hey. djevver hear
of 'em? Oh, you did. hey? Well. that's
what 1 want. That's what I'm sludging
around here for. Socks l want socks.
Gimme socks or gimme death. Now.
young feller. how do you like to listen to
q bughouse game o. talk yourself on a
warmish day without chance to bulge
in q word edgewise? How dye like to
stand and listen to a continuous perform
ance spiel OF south breeze, and no re-
bate? Doggone my fat pelt. I want some
socks! Show muh where the socks are
before l murder you.'
Then the tri-chinned one paused for
breath and the bewildered clerk silently
conducted him to the sock department.
Evening star., 1909-05-22

son, causing her newspaper 10 make D.
cracking noise.
Mr.. Jobson, who was reading the base
ball stuff. grunted.
And they make those advertisements
so much more attractive and persuasive
than they used to be, don't you think?'
Mrs Jobson went on after what she con-
sidered judicious pause... -.
Mr.. Jobson grunted again. The t"Gos-
sip of the Came had him pretty well
absorbed.
Well said Mrs. Jobson after another
carefully measured hiatus. st has been
a long winter and spring. I. for one,
shall be glad OF a change. And the city
always seems SO dull after the close of a
summer session of Congress. too
Mr.. Jobson snapped himself out of the
base ball spell and tossed down his
newspaper.
What the dickens is all this, anyhow"
Evening star., 1909-05-22
g." @akEE1e4A%<S- 60

girl as a manufacturer OF eats is world
wide
Now 1t Is said that no less than one
thousand jobless actors are going to 60
out to Kansas. fare prepaid. to help get In
the Kansas grain crops.
II there's any way in the world that IL
can be managed this present writer
knows of one writing pairson who's goinG
brief little spell. anyhow. It'r be a grand
and uplifting sight. ltll be worth going
even to Kansas to see.
TIERY languishing and lackadaisical as
1t wair. the attempt to revive the
punctured racing game around here.
Twas a sad opening day at Belmont
Park. with Its bare handful Of people.
considering the size OF the track. and 1t
has been sadder and tben some more sad
every day since.
1t is possible to simply lose 1900 per-
sons within the spacious confines Of Bel
mont Park; and II there have been any
more than 1900 day at the Belmont
track since the opening day. week ago
optics around here that need the attention
of the repairer.
An air OF settled gloom pervades the
track on the racing days. The oral bet.
tors. as they are called mooch around
the lawn. whispering like a lot OF old
women at q wake.
You'll see them counting on their
fingers, trying to remember oral bets and
odds. for they don't dare to flash so much
as pencil for fear of being grabbed by
the watchful sleuths who are on the job
to enforce the Hughes anti-betting law.
The races are run without any enthus-
iasm at all. IT'S an odd sight to see a
bunch Of horses hit the top OF the stretch
and move more or less ''majestically'-
that's the old-time word and there's no
ducking H-toward the frS>z without
Evening star., 1909-05-22
served a physician

decreased number of steady drinkers, l
am afraid that the number Of dipsomani-
acs is on the Increase.
My belief in this latter respect Ia based
upon the fact that 1 am called upon to
treat and to get together almost twice as
many dipsomaniacs now as applied to me
for treatment. either in person or through
friends. ten or a dozen years ago: and I
find that the experience Of my fellow
physicians in this respect Is virtually the
same
The dipsomaniac, as you OF course
know. Is the chap who. having a taste
for stimu!ants. and well knowing the dan
ger of such a taste, nevertheless yields
TO periodical impulses to go off on whopU
ping big sprees. II the dipsomaniac. rec
ogniZing his declorable state, doesn't
fetch himself w with round turn and
tight against these impulses TO engage in
Evening star., 1909-05-22

I lie there quiesccnt while memories inccssant
Come thronging Ia plague me To tears.
And ] dream Of the deeds that ! once knew as
needs
That were conquered by doubts and ny fears.
And l swear to the moon III do this that
soon.
But I know I am lying and bold,
For the time is long past when those little vows
last
And. oh. 1 do hate to grow old
Yet sweet to my lips are the prodisal sips
OF the nectar Of love and Of life:
My sinews yet strain for the right 10 the main.
But always with list Of the strife.
Opportunity. met and unseen. is Regret,
And Genius Ia P0ttage-unsold:
You may paddle or drift, but the blood courses
swift
And, oh, I do hate to grow old.
Evening star., 1909-05-22
COULDN'T GET IN AN ELUClDATING WORD EVEN EDGEW1sE-

sir?' inquired the clerk, salesmanishly.
We've got half-inch, inch. inch "a
half. two-inch-all sizes. Do you want
it for
Say. party" wheezed the fat man. Il
guess maybe you're a little mixed as to
the"
.Oh, you just want to water the front
lawn. then, eh?" cut in the salesman.
well, the inch-and-a-half kind is a pref
front yard is small. about forty feet
ought to be enough for you to"
Hey. wait a minute, son. I'm"
Still 1t always pays in buying hose to
get a good long piece in case you move
to some other place where there's a big
ger yard, you know, or in case you want
to carry the hose through the basement
and water the plants and truck and
things In the back yard. Now, as to
Evening star., 1909-05-22

qualities in hose, Of course there are diff
ferent grades, but I'd recommend"
Look a-here. pardner, gimme a chance
to stack in a."
I'D recommend you to get the best
grade-perhaps you'd want the kind that
is wrapped with wire, so that mischievous
boys, who step on garden hose when peo-
pie are using 1t. can't damage 1t. 1t costs
a little more money, OF course. that WIRE
wrapped kind, but STILL
Hey. be good enough to dry up just for
a minute. won't you. and lemme-"
You see we guarantee every foot of
garden hose we sell here. and we don't
sell the kind that gets porous and leaky
kind will last you as long as"
''Gosh-hang 1t, aren't you going to
"Still it's a good thing not to leave the
garden hose out in the yard after you re
Evening star., 1909-05-22

maticalIy yourself. like your bedinged
garden hose sprinkler. Can that gosh
whopped phonograph conversation and
gimme a look-in for my thorax. won't
you? Just stake me to one-half OF one
of your ears for one-eighth of a second,
will you?
Say, how'n blazes did you ever cop
and annex the idea that >was nudging
around this Internal dump looking for
garden hose? Dang 1t all. have l got any
grass seed or alfalfa In my hair? Do l
look like Zeke or Zeb or a hanky- -pank ?
Say, you, listen to me. didn't come here
ton buy lot OF rubber tubing wherewith
to make a front yard soggy. I haven't
got any front yard When I want to cool
on 1 have to sit on a pair Of front steps.
Dang 1t all, Isnever opened my fool trap
about garden hose. Look a-here, party.
did you ever by any chance hear Of the
Evening star., 1909-05-22

HE S u b " q v Q
scheme of segresat-
ing the sexes al
ready has proved a
hash. The women.
II appears (and as
1t might have been
surmised all the
.time). don't want
to ride in separate
cars. The women.
1t may be appro-
priate here to add.
Evening star., 1909-05-22

quite a while.
Anybody attending to your needs,
sir?" he inquired of the man with the ad-
ditional chins..
Nope. not yet there amt" replied the
man with the easy-going look. I'm
looking around for some hose, and
'Ah. hose" said the doorwalker, briskly.
MIR. Thrdfoor, this gentleman Is look
ing for your department. addressing a
salesman about to step aboard The eleva-
tor. Take him up and show him our
complete line of hose
X
The tri-chnned fat man waddled into
the lift after the salesman and was duly
conducted to the garden-hose section.
Now, what size are you hunting for,
Evening star., 1909-05-22

through using it, for garden hose ought
to be kept dry when it's not in actual
use. and it ought to be kept colied up
foo' SOS to give it a chance to-
"B'gosh. son. are you wound up for
'T reckon you'll be wanting one of those
sprinkling attachments. too. so that you
can rest the hose in any part of the lawn
and lei. it do its work AUTOMATICALLY
and
Evening star., 1909-05-22

HE saloon man
who, in The Star
a while ago. advo-
Gated the installa-
tion Of soda foun-
tains In saloons
cornn1ented upon
the gradual decline
of the steady-drink-
ing habit, and
there's no doubt
that his comment
was correct OBJ
ssR,,f fo offset the
Evening star., 1909-05-22

HE fat, easy-go-
ing man with the
pair of superfluous
chins Inooched in
to a department
store the other
afternoon, mopped
his forehead and
I h e n 100 X e d
around with a
mild gaze, waiting
for somebody to
take q little bit of