davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-05-08

committee, that they pack up their books
and papers and other data and journey TO
Arundel, where they could work for three
or four days undisturbed. Mr.. Rea Vas
tickled to death. And or they went.
Four days later Mr.. Courts returned
happy. healthy and apparently satisnea
with life. 1t was twenty-four hours iater
before Mr. Rea showed up. When he did
he hobbled into the appropriations com
mittee room. leaning on a cane. when
he sat down he creaked like rusty gate
hinge and II took three men to ltft him
out OF his chair.
What's the NATTER" asked friend
suffering with rheumatism"
No" replied Mr.. Rea. as. with the as
sistance OF the colored messenger, ne
shifted the position OF his left leg; mo.
I haven't any rheumatism. You see. 1t
was this way. MIR. Courts suggested that
we 20 down to his cottage at Arundel to
finish some work on the big annual book
I thought II was fine idea. and we went
We got down there in the evening and had
q good rest, and I'm the morning MT.
Courts handed me a buck saw and told
me to go to work. He had paint brush.
himself
Mr.. Rea was silent a moment. while.
with infinite pains he shifted his position
an inch or two.
1--WE were down there four days he
resumed. after a moment. adding. as
daxed and wondering expression crept
over his face, I'VE didn't do any work on
the book but durn my soul IL didn't saw
eight cords Of wood"
.Did Mr.. Courts do anything the
friend inquired.
..Oh. yes" Mr. Rea replied. with a sigh.
IT think he painted window shutter
IRVING c. NORWOOD.
Evening star., 1909-05-08

haired woman making her difncult way
about on erutches. She was pretty nigh
spent and doing literary hack work when
last met up with her about Ave years
ago.
At that time she was collaborating-if
that somewhat ponderous word may be
employed In such q connectfon-with a
bookmaker in the making Of book of
racing stories. The bookrnaker was Joe
Ullman. Ullman had been ono OF the
Hash bookmakers of the country and had
made millions on the race tracks at the
chalking game. He was not iterate, but
shreWd.
The collaboration between Oiive Logan
and Joe Ullman in the fixing up of a book
OF racing yarns was an incongruous busi-
ness. Olive Logan, a woman Of most un-
usual culture, a superior writer. novelist
of ability. mistress Of many languages,
and Joe Ullman. a rough product of the
race tracks, generous but uncouth, thou
sand leagues removed from his coworker
as to every point Of mental contact
there you have 1t. But Olive Logan had
an order for the book Of racing yarns,
and orders weren't coming her way very
rapidly at that time. So she had to get
through with the thing. 1t came my way
to help her a little bit. 1 had written a
book of racing yarns myself. and knew
the patter Of the race track. She know
nothing, whatever Of that strange lingo
when she began to listen to Ullman's rem
i1iscences as a race track gambler. and
occasionally she would ask me to uncofi
the kinks from the bookmaker's strange
Evening star., 1909-05-08

ways employed on such occasions. The
mule shuddered considerably himself rs
Blazy introduced few new ones, and
then Biasy heard q thump In the wagon.
The eastern man had tonpled right back
ward from the seat. Blazy had to waste
quart or 30 OF precious water a-throw-
ing II over the eastern mans face to
fetch him out Of the trance. but the east
ern man was paralyzed from the waist
down when he came to and Blazy had to
turn him over to the hospital when he
reached town the next day. The medical
sharp said that the eastern mans conQi-
tiOn was the result Of some severe shock.
''BlaZy Brankins never raised his voice
much above a conversational tone when
he was giving utterance to his little COM
plants about things, and there wasn't
anything vicious or alarming about his
looks. either. His face was as candid as
a red apple. and he never reckoned on
harming or hurting anybody. 1t was the
dinary cussing speech that burned and
peevish talk for the first time.
Now, you wouldn't think that q wharf
rat Of a barkeep that had been slinging
booze on the st. Louis levee for q dozen
years could be burned up much by any
kind of cussfng would you? This bar
keep was q redhead. with as tough q
freckled mug as was ever seen from the
Pecos to the RIO Grande. ana he moseyed
into the Brazos country because he was
too hard for even the st. Loo levee.
lone day Blaxy Brankins wandered into
the honkatonk where the wharf-rat was
Evening star., 1909-05-08

waited for the barker TO collect another
crowd. That particular show did no
business that night.
A N have we heard that the Pat Nc
"A Cabe, that schooner stanch and
true.
Now lies full seven fathoms deep. In the
brine Of the restless blue?
'Tis so, my lad. and passing sad. that
such a thing should be.
But a mans mere bait for feckless fate
when he lives by the lifting sea.
An would We hear this story drear of the
Pat McCabes last cruise.
OF how she sunk with a gurgly plunk in
the ocean bottoms ooze?
Then here it goes, and heaven knows,
'tis truth ven hear this day.
For the hapiess Pat. remember that, lies
sunken in the bay.
Twas off the Cape OF Henry that the Pat
McCabe in tow
OF the puffy tugboat, e. H.. Cole Of Bal
timore, you know.
Was hauling hard on her hempen hawse
and nosing deep the sea,
AS sweet ship as ever luffed or fingered
on a lee
When out of the dark like Nghtning
spark came q whistle weird and
The Pat McCabe shook violently and then
q space was still.
Then she buried her bow In a crested
swell. she yanked with a hawsen
crack,
And then she filled. her canvas spilled.
and then she came aback.
Her captain leaped from the open hatch.
Evening star., 1909-05-08
1Fat- Fat---gf.--l1..--'--.....-..'FN1NlFIl .FN1NF----

front at the sixteenth. and came home
with a wet sail. winning on the tapesky
by face
'If I remember correctly 1t took Mr.:
Ullman exactly half an hour to unraye!
the meaning Of that little description OF
a race. At another time he was telling
me about q crooked piece OF WORK
manipulated by a shady bookmaker ana
the shady boOkmaker's brother.
A&
"'You see,' he said to me, this sure
thing layer had a brother that was work
ing the paddock end The favorite figured
to be a 1 to 10 thing, and he was 'Aw-
kins' 'Orse at that. Well, the chalkers
brud gets to the cluck kid-the jock.
mean-who's there with the strong arm
ana slips him g haf-M to attend to the
snatchsky stun That's the way It's rig
xed Well. all the rest OF the ringsters
lay 1 to 8 against the favorite. but the
shady penciler slAps up l to and yeIls
for the high singers to come ut him. He
takes in a boilerful Of kale at that figure
without rubbing. But somebody In the
Judges stand gets hep, and the kid IL
warned that II he doesn't fetch the short
odds clomper home he'll get 1t where
Fannie wears the hchus- and Of course
there's nothing else for him to Edo but
10 hand the 2.cross TO the phony layer,
and he kicks the f6vorite out from tl4e
rap Of the drum and fetcl1es him down
to the wire by the difference between CEN
trail ana standard time. and tho tricksy
Evening star., 1909-05-08

out Of the coma till q hunk Of Camembert
belonging to Jimmie McCanerty swung to
the front and copped first cush by nine
teen city blocks
But is 1t possible was simple
enough to ask him then, for a jockey
really to fall asleep on . horses back
during a race?
Then he was telling me about a Grip
pied horse that had won a noted race.
and he described II this way:
"'When the trainer took that old skele-
ton up to prepare him there wasn't
enough meat on the plugs bones to make
stew for one. Every one of his knees
was the size Of barrel OF tar. They'd
been running him with tho hurry-up hop
Keeley cure. Every time he took a step
he made q noise like an old sixn crcaking
in the wind on a March day. and he was
SO punk in the wind that when he
breathed you could hear him in Hacken-
sack. He looked like camel that had
been hit on the wlshbone by a simeon.
and when you looked at him you felt like
stalking him to a pan Of chloroform to
put him out of his misery. But that
trainer made him look like a new silk lid
just of the shelf. and the old crab
pranced homo all alone on three Props
Olive Logan finally got her book OF
racing stories published and marketed,
and It was quite moderately successful.
too, but the readers Of the stuff could, Of
course. form no conception Of the enor-
nous difficulty under which her task had
been accomplished.
CLARENCE L. CULLEN.
Evening star., 1909-05-08
No Place for Levity.

A RTHUR Q. LoBINGER Of Indian
, Mills. N. j.. Is noted in Burlington
county for his interesting collection OF
dental curios.
AS. Mr.. Lobinger was showing . recent
visitor his case Of medieval dental in
strupents. the subject Of pain In the den-
tai chair naturally came up.
TITS a place of pain. that chair" said
Mr.. Lobinger. Hence a successful den
tist must have q soothing. rather mourn
full manner. In fact. a good dentist has
very much the same manner as good
undertaken.
ANY levity-" He frowned and shook
his head
My cousin. a famous dentist. once
hired to assist him . youth who had
worked in q photograph gallery. An aged
millionaire patron Of my cousin's-a chap.
In fact, from whom he had expectations
came one day by appointment to have q
half.dozen stumps extracted. He was 60
ing to order a full double set Of teeth.
when the old man, pale and scared ar.
rived, my cousin, for the sake Of show.
whispered to the young assistant to go
and arrange him In the chair
The lad was absent-mtnded or some
thing: He got the frightened old man In
the big plush chair placed q bright large
and then backed OF and said:
Now look pleasant, please
My cousin tried to explain that the
boy was an old photograph hand, but 1t
was no use. The millionaire grabbed his
hat and rushed out. and my cousin has
never laid eyes on him from that day to
this"
Evening star., 1909-05-08

"Blazy's cussine struck In only once,
but that once kind Of alarmed him. SO
that afterward he didn't give full vent to
his powers Of cussing expression except
at long intervals. Blazy was driving his
six-mule team into town one night after
having been on a three weeks freight
ing cruise. when q desert owl, one of the
big brown and white mottled kind, few
smack-dab into his face, and, being sur
prised over the encounter, nipped away
q piece from the end OF Blazy's nose be-
fore continuing his flight. It was moon
light, and Blazy hred every bullet from
both OF his guns at the owl. without OF
course. having q chance to hit II, for the
bird only made q barely visible dab In the
moonlit sky as It few down the trail.
While the blood streamed from his nipped
nose Blazy bathed il with water from an
alkali spring. and then he uttered some
things that got him going Maybe IL was
because Blazy was alone and because
there was nobody else present to bear the
brunt OF II. but. anyhow. Blaxy hadn't
got through saying what he thought
about nose-nfpping owls before he broke
out in big, hard water biisters from his
head to his feet. When he finally pulled
into town Blazy looked as though he'd
been trying to fight iimekiln and he had
to hire Chinaman to go all over him
with a needle and prick the water
biisfers with which he was completely
covered and then swab 'em off with lin
seed oil and lime water mixed
And" concluded the man with the
sombrero. II know better cussers in the
southwest than Blazy Brankins, at that"
Evening star., 1909-05-08

larceny. However. tits probable that be-
fore long we will come across, legisla-
lively and oficially. with something tame,
along the line of best wishes TO Mehmed
the Umpteenth. and hoping that Abdul 8
heart attack may prove fatal. we remain.
very truly yours, the United States
Funny ups and downs In this world.
aren't there? Just take old Abdul the
Recent, for example. For more than
thirty years he lolled around in the midst
OF three thousand wives. more or less-the
exact number is not important-eatinE fig
paste and cutting up scandalously.. Every
time he had q headache or was bored all
he had to do was to send out general
order for a massacre Of Armenians and
such. That was his idea of Turkish
holiday.
And now look at him. He's locked up
In villa not much bigger than the VIII
lard Hotel, with only eleven wives and Q
hundred servants. And they do say his
heart 10 getting weaker all the time.
Blamed II l am not sorry for Abdul.
Evening star., 1909-05-08

layer and his brud get the green ticket
for the ounce patch for theirs.
Now, you are to refnember." said MISS
Logan in telling me this. that tor
number OF years had been editing home
pagAs and women's departments and the
like. leave It to you. therefore. X that
kind of a narrative wasn't calculated to
cause me to think that I was listening TO
things in my sleep.
Then Mr.. Uilman was telling me how
post in q big race.
$50 there was L. said he. when the
web went up, standing still with my
weight on my heels, rubbering over the
fence at q bunch Of dinges sitting in
tree outside the grounds
HE meant. as l eventually ascertaAned.
that his horse had been left standing
hatfooted when the barrier went up and
that the horse in his abstraction had been
gazing at a cluster Of darkies In the tree
outside the track grounds. But OF course
I had to ask him lot OF questions before
this became clear to me.
oh, you. were standing still" l SAID
to him. Then 1t wasn't horse race at
all, but q foot race, and you we're
'.And 1EAin, Of course. he had per
fectly legitimate occasion to throw his
head back and laugh.
found disgist over the incident. when the
bunch fi1t thaztop1of the bend there vas
the JOCK on my hunk of Edam sound
asleep in the saddle. dreaming of coin
and things. and he never nudged himself
Evening star., 1909-05-08

man finally got that knot united for me,
but that was only the beginning.
well he would say-and I trying
hopeiessiy TO follow him-'the boy just
picked the horse up and put him In his
lap and kept him there.
Now, that seemed an astonishing per-
formance on the part of the Jockey. and I
had to tell Mr.. Ullman so.
why, that's only a short way OF
saying Mr.. Ullman explained to me.
that the plug was under wraps and won
or by himself without the kid even
having to hand-ride him.
Another time he said to me:
The boy got OF that skates back
and peddled matches and still he copped
by as Tar as from here to tho Rocky
mountains and back
THAT. OF course, was another puzzler
"'Did the Jockey really dismount during
the race?' l had to ask him. The horse
must have been an extraordinarily speedy
animal to catch up after being delayed in
that way and, of course, my collabo-
rator lAuahed at me then. Another time
he said:
And then this mutt. that all hands
figured was bound for the glue factory,
dropped from the clouds, nailed the rear
end taggers in four jumps. climbed over
horses, hung seven or eight OF 'em on
the fence, jammed his way through a
hole the size Of a dolrs thimble, caught
the counterfeit that was fiBgtgging out In
Evening star., 1909-05-08

narrations. It was amusing. but pathetic,
too, to listen to her tell Of her experiences
with the bookmaker.
'Mr. Uilman Is q very sympathetic
and agreeable man. she said to me one
day in explaining the difficulties she
was laboring under in getting her book
Of racing stories ready. ''but when he
begins to tell me a racing story for the
book he might just as well be conversing
in the lansuage of Zambesi. SO far as
my understanding Of him is concerned.
AT our first meeting he told me Of a
race In which the favorite had been
taken care Of That one. you see,' he
said to me: was all rissed to run for
Sweeney -. =.
Sweeney I had to break in. But
you haven't mentioned Mr.. Sweeney's
name before. What did Mr. Sweeney
have to do with the taking care Of the
favorite?'
why replied Mr.. Ullman Sweeney
is the guy, you know, that all the lobs
and dead ones trudge for. Just q figure
of speech ma'am. that's all. Sweeney
is the-er-well. you can put it In An
other way. Just say that the favorite
was chaiksd up to traipse for tirs snd
The end book? I had to ask him.
Do you mean that some bookmaker had
an interest in the horses non-success and
that
''Oh, well.' Miss Logan went on, you
can see how hopeless I was. Mr.. Ull-
Evening star., 1909-05-08

coat, nowadays the wife Of the humblest
worker in the vineyard feels al though
she is being bereft of something that
rightfully belongeth to her il she heareth
not the rustic OF q garment OF that char
acter appertaining to and fastened on to
herself.
Things are coming 20 a pretty pass.
yas'm, 'deedy. when these profound,
6ulee-browed soions can and do say such
things about the women folk with Inn
punity. Not only that, but their utter
ances disturb us. even perturb us Hnn-
erto we had supposed that all OF the New
York husbands who incontinen.ly iorsook
and ducked their wives were ruff1ans ana
rogues. We had imagined that they were
selfish scoundrels who were simply de-
sirous Of lodging their present response
bilities. perhaps for the purpose OF as.
suminR new responsibilities with different
sorts Of complexions. 1t is turrible now
to be told by persons with knowledge
knobs on their top pieces that all or most
of this desertion business hereaoouts IL
the fault of these pretty ladies with hoppy
carefully enameled noses and all IKE
that 'Tis a dun-hued world enough as
it is without having all of these little IL
lusions dragged from US one by one.
4k
THE state law which prohibits that
form Of materialized ecstacy known
as joy riding takes effect In a few days
The private chauffeurs, consequently. are
swaddled In gloom. The operation OF this
horrid, mean old law cannot fall to with
draw much OF the devil-may-care delirium
from their bright. reckless, sanguinary
young lives. The Law provides. you see.
that the chauneur who takes his employ
er's car out Of the garage without the
employers permission shall. upon detec-
tion, be subject to hne or Imprisonment,
or both. even though the chauffeur shall
not have slaughtered anybody while thus
speeding his boss car through the crowd
ed streets OF the great. callsup city.
'Tis this latter provision which now Id
causing the private chauffeurs to weep
bitter saline tears. For. say they. Sob
fully. what the dickens is the good of a
JOY ride: ANYHOW, II involve not the
death Of sundry and divers parties of
idiotic people who persist in getting in
the way of motor cars going at the
rate of sixty or seventy knots per lunar
hour?
For more than year, now, an aver
Evening star., 1909-05-08

'Hideous what?" inquired the latter,
gazing curiously at the Washingtonian.
Profanity = blasphemy cussing," said
the Washington man.
"Cussing?" disgustedly snorted the man
with the sombrero. Say, look a-here,
hombrey. you don't honest call that cuss-
ing. do your
Well said the Washingtonian. 'Td
like to know what you'd
why, it's the murmuring of low
laughing water" cut In the man with the
big hat. Its the wind whispering
through the trees It's devotional dia-
logue between { couple OF sky pilots. It's
a dada. goo-goo. ubbsy-wubbsy conver-
sation between a pair Of infants in baby
carriages In some park. It's a chinfest
Evening star., 1909-05-08
SODA FOUNTAINS IN SALOONS THE NEXT INNOVATION

innovations. II somebody doesn't make
the opening break pretty soon I'll do 1t
myself-plant a first-class soda fountain
in my place, with expert soft-stuff mixers
to. run It. and find out how the thing
works.
II am of the opinion that it would be
q hit from the jumpof. There are sew
eral reasons why. One of them is that
more men are falling for the soda water
stuff all the time. especially during the
warm months. Take a look at the line
up In front Of any OF the big soda foun-
tains on q warmish day and you'll be
able to pick out plenty OF fellows who
have switched from the hard waters.
The soda fountains are doing a larger
Evening star., 1909-05-08

CIR JAMES COURTS. clerk OF the
- House appropriations committee, who
denies that he was a distinguished Con-
federate cavalry oficer in the civil war
or that he is descended from that branch
of the old Courts family Of England
whose name is connected with the history
OF Clean Drinking Manor. IL beginning
to prepare for the regular pilgrimage Of
himself and family to Arundel-on-the-
Bay. Mr. Courts Is not only a member
of the board Of commissioners OF Arundel.
but also Is superintendent Of the city
waterworks and chairman of a special
committee appointed to investigate trans
portatfon facilities. These patriotic du-
ties, together with his arduous labors as
clerk of the biggest committee In the
House, make him a very busy man.
One day last week Mr.. Courts. inter-
rupted In his work OF preparing for the
printer the big volume showing every de-
tail of appropriations for the fiscal year
1910 by lots Of idle and conversational
visitors, suggested to Kennedy Rea. as
sistant clerk Of the Senate appropriations
Evening star., 1909-05-08

singing the juice. Just as Blazy was
tossing IN his first drink the barkeep ut
tered some kind Of a remark. by way OF
making talk, that caused BlAzy to inhale
part Of the liquor the wrong way. Blazy
coughed and spluttered the booze that
had gone the wrong way out OF his wind
pipe, pulled the bandanna from around
his neck to wipe of his face and mouth.
and then, resting his hands on the bar
and looking pleasantly at the wharf-rat
barkeep from st. Loo, started In to utter
q few thoughts that occurred to him at
the moment with reference to whisky that
didn't know enough to travel the right
road.
Inside Of less than forty seconds that
barkeep was the color Of a backyard
hollyhock. and before Blazy had got
through unraveling his line Of ideas about
the contrary whisky that hard hombrey
OF rum -slinger from st. Loo had broken
out all over his body with the worst case
OF hives ever seen in the southwest from
Santa Fe to the Needles.
1.-THE doctor found that the barkeep had
bad case Of shingles, in combination
with the case OF hives, although the
wharf-rat hadn't had thing the matter
with him up to the minute that Blazy
had strolled In and got part Of his first
drink down wrong.
There was husky young carpenter
from San Antoine came into the Brasos
Evening star., 1909-05-08

business by making men switch from the
hard to the soft sun when they saw the
fountain working. can't see It that way.
The man OF today knows what he wants.
and that he's going to get 1t before he
sets his foot past the door OF saloon.
Don't let anybody tell you. by the
way, that men are drinking as much as
they used to- They're not. Nothing like
as much. In my place notice all the
time how certain portions Of my custom
ers are slowing down. Men are begin
ming to see that health is about the best
thing in life, and they're learning how
to take care Of their health.
There is q noticeable increase In the
tendency of men who visit saloons IN
warm weather nowadays to just quench
their thirst, without paving the, way for
Evening star., 1909-05-08

that mean. summy, stufRy feeling when
the alcoholic effect dies out. For ex-
ample, the Rhine -wine-and-selt1er boys
are gaining in numbers all the time.
They take two OF the tall. thin tumblers
of that mixture at the outside. and then
they've satisfied their thirst with some
thing they know has just a little alcohol
In 1t. and they have, besides. the pleas
ant consciousness in drinking 1t that there
isn't going to be any comeback in the
way Of an ornery feeling when the stun
dies out in them.
ME for the soda fountain In grogger-
les. and I've been running eroggehes
most Of my life. at that. I believe In
giving 'em what they want. and they
want fancy soda stun and are going to
have 1t in one place or another"