Arizona republican., 1909-08-15
By F P. Dunne. Copyright, 1909, by H. H. Nc and Company.)


 and Company)
 Well. sir said MT. Dooley. T raaly don't know whether I'm glad or sorry to get back It seems d little sthrange to be here again in tn turmoil iv life in a large city but thin again 'tis pleasant to see tn familyar faces wanst more. Has aunything happened since l wint away on me vacation? Did ye miss me? Am l much sunburnt?"
 What ar-re ye talkin' about?" ask ed MT. Hennessy. Il see ye ony last night"
 "Ye did not" said MT. DOoley "Ye may have seen me undherstudy but ye didn't see me. Where was I? It depinds on what time iv night it was. If it was eight o'clock l 'wGs croosin' in Pierpont Morgan's yacht off tn coost iv Labrador. We were both iv us settin' up on tn front stoop iv tn boat l had just won thirty miilyon dollars firm him throwin' dice an he remarked to me. I bet it's hot in Chicago But about eight thirty, tn wind which had been blowin' acrost tn brick yard changed into tn north east an l moved back tO Newport"
 "Ar-re ye crazy firm tn heat?" MT. Hennessy asked.
 'Divvle tn bit" said Mir. Dooley. but long ago l made up me mind not to be tn slave iv me vacation. l don't take a vacation Whin vaca- ton comes around an knocks at tn dure an dhrags me out to a summer
 Tg 1 take it whiniver l feel like 4 Whiniver I have a moment to spare whin ye are talkin' or business is slack firm amy other reason, l throw a comb an brush into a grip sack an hurry away to tn mountain or tn seashore. While ye think ye are talkin' to me at that very minyit l may be floatin on me back in tn Atlantic Ocean or climbin a mountain in Switzerland, yodellin' to mesiif.
 Most iv me frinds take their va cations long afther they are overdue. That's because they don't know how to take thim. They depind on rail- roads an steamers an what tn boss has to say about it. Long afther tn vacation will do thim no good. about tn fifteenth iv August, they tear off fr tn beauties iv nature. Nachrally they cant tear off very far or they wuddent hear tn whistle whin it blew To call thim back. F"r a week or two they spind their avenins larn- in tn profissyon iv baggageman. stin' off throunks be day an sleepin' on thim be night Evenchooly tn time comes Tr thim to lave tn sthrife an throuble iv tn city that they're used To fr tn sthrife an throuble iv tn counthry that they don't know how to handle They catch tn twO-two fr Mudville- beth -Cannery or they are just about to catch it whin they. re- mimber that they left their tickets, money an little Abigail Ana behind thim an they catch tn six fOrty-fiye which doesn't stop at Mudville eX- Cipt on Choosdahs an Fridah's in Lent an thin on'y on signal Finlly they're off. Tn dust an worry iv tn city with its sprinkled pavements an its glowin' theayters is left be- hind. Tn cool counthry air blows into tn car laden with tn rich per fume iv dainty food with which tn fireman is plyin' his ir'n horse. Tn thrain stops occasiOn'lly. In fact ye might betther say that oCcasiOn'ily it don't stop. 4 thrain that is gOin' to amy iv tn penal colonies where most men spind their vacations will stop at more places thin a boy on an I- rand. Whiniver it sees a human hab- itati0n it will pause an exchange few wurruds iv pleasant greetin'. It will stop at annything. IL wud stop at nawthin' In this way ye get good idee iv tn jography iv ye'er na- tive land. Ye make a ten minyit stay at bustlin' little villages that ye didn't know were on tn map an ain't on amy map that ye buy. Tn on'y place tn thrain don't stop is at Mud viIIe-be-th'- -Cannery. Ye look into tn folder an see ye'er town marked see note b. Note b says: 'Thrains two to sixteen stop at Mudville on'y whin wrecked What is tn number iv this here cannonball express says ye to tn conductor man Number twelve says he How am l gOin' to get off there2' says ye. How do ye usual.S get off a movin' thrain?' says he. Forward or backward?' says he. If yell go ahead to tn postal car an get into a mail bag tn clerk may hang ye on tn hook as we pass. Hes a good shot He made three out iv ten last week he says. But in due time ye reach ye'er destination an Onpack yeer thrunks an come home again. A frind iv mine. a prom nent railroad officyal who calls tn thrains at tn Union DeepO tells me he's cured his wife iv wantin' to go on a vacation. Whiniver he sees her read in advertisements iv tn summer re- sorts he knows that tn fit is comin' pn an befure she gets to tn stage iv buyin a cure fr freckles he takes her down to tn deepo an shows her th' people goin op their vacations an comin' back. Thin he gives her a boat ride in tn park. takes her to tn theaytre an tn next mornin' she wakes up with hardly amy sign iv her indispOsition.
 But tn kind iv vacation l take does ye some good. It is well within me means. In fact it sildom costs me annything but now an thin tn