Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1909-05-21
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\ cynic is humorist who has the
misfortune to be born with his smile
a little on one side.
Life is for most people a contin-
nous process of getting used to
things that they haven't been expect
ing.
In cemetery, in California, is a
stone erected by a widow to her
loving husband, bearing this inscrip-
ton: Rest in Peace-Until We
Meet Again. >
Startish: Il suppose, like most
women, your wife wants the earth ?''
klam: Well, yes; but | have
learned that she does not want it on
her parlor carpet. "
A woman is not curious or meddle-
some; not in the least. But | have
observed, when she comes to any
thing locked up she has to find out
what's inside of it, or die.
ScrippS, who owns crazy patch So
called evening newspapers in Los
Angeles, Portland, Tacoma, Seattle,
Spokane, and other towns, lives in
San Diego, Cal. where he also pub
fishes an abortion, called the San
Diego Nun.
The United States constitution
should have an amendment reading:
No minister shall take any part
whatever in political matters. He
must teach and eXpound the Bible
only, or else step down and out of
the so-called House of God"
Jim Post. the Irish comedian, so
well known on Puget Sound during
the days of the bOX-variety show
shops, is now the star of Posts
Musical Comedy Company, and at
present has a Summer engagement
in San Diego, Cal, at the Garrick
theater.
Legislation cannot make men
sober. neither can the same agency
make domestic life happy and COM
Portable. The ultimate issue is be-
tween the evil and the evil-doer's in
ner consciousness. The real cure,
the sovereign balm, is esoteric in it's
actiOn-that is from within out
wards.
A mother-in law had her son in law
arrested for stealing her trunk.
What have you to say?" ask ed
the Judge.
Your honor" replied the son-in-
law, Il simply hid her trunk; | was
so afraid she'd leave u.s.. And the
cruel, heartless Judge, gave him
eighteen months, six for stealing
and twelve for lying.
Work has commenced on the Ia
Juanna race-rrack. Ia Juanna is
16 miles from San Diego, California,
and the Mexican government has
gave the promoters 2O-year con-
cession. The track will be all that
money can build, and a fine up-to-
date hotel will be one of the features.
Ia Juanna is just over the line of
California in Mexico, and double
track electric lines will be built at
once to Ia Juanna from San Diego,
for the benefit of tourists and those
who play the ponies.
Can you imagine fancy pastry
made with rotten eggs? From De-
troit, Mich, comes the startling in
formation that rotten eggs have
been used for some time by large
bakeries in that city. Government
inspectors seized no less than seven
and one-half tons of eggs which were
long since over-ripe. These eggs
were shipped to Detroit and to
other eastern towns, it is said, from
firm in Cincinnati. The eggs
were broken into tubs and frozen.
Imagine, if you can, eating fancy"
pastry made with eggs that must be
frozen before they are shipped, if
they are to be shipped at all. 1t is
said that some of the larger baking
houses prefer eggs of this kind for
certain cakes, particularly a pastry
which children are very fond, to good
eggs. Seven and One-half tons of
them in tubs, mess of over-mellow
hen-fruit which if thawed out would
make smell one mile deep and more
than two miles wide. Ugh!
AT last some one has discovered a
cure for worry. OF course. the same
one is a physician. We may all
count that day lost whose low de-
scending sun does not see the dis
covery of remedy for an i'll gener-
ally considered incurable by a medi.
cal man, usually a German. The
cure is simple one. 1t consists
simply of loosening the garments
and lying down in an attitude of re-
pose. This having been accom-.
plished, the discoverer assures his
patients that ills will fall from as il
by magic. The children may have q
mingling of scarlet fever and diph.
iberia, money may be SO scarce that