Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-10-29

Did your new chauffeur turn out
all right?" mo; that's why he's in
the hospital" al"-Puck.
Waiter, has this steak been cook
ed?" Yes. sir, by electricity" well,
take 1t back and give 1t another
shock"
why did you tip that boy so hand
somely for handing you your coat?"
did you see the coat he gave me?"-
Taller.
when she hit him with the golf
ball, did it knock him senseless?" Il
guess so. l understand they are soon
to marry"
Pat-An' phwat the devil is cha.
fn'-dishH Mike-Whist! Ut's fryin-
pan that's got into society Boston
Transcript.
Our train hit bear on the way
down" Was the bear on the track?"
mo; the train had to go into the
woods after him"
Bacon-I understand some Of your
hens have stopped laying? Egbert-
Two Of them have whats the
cause?"' Automobile"
Little Ella-I am never going to Hol-
land, when l grow up. Governess-
Why not? "'Cause our geography says
It's low lying country"
Ikey-Vat is a promoter? Father Of
Ikea promoter is Won who will sup
ply der ocean II some Won else will fur
nish der ships.-Princeton Tiger
Mother Cat lunch)-Yes, darling,
these little sardines are sometimes
eaten by the larger fish. Mabel (aged
5)-But, mamma, how do they get the
cans open?
Teacher-Now, boys, here's little
example in mental arithmetic. How
old would a person be who was born
in 1875? Pupil-Please, teacher, was
it man or a woman?
81 am sorry, my son, If your studies
worry you Do the best you can, and
let it go at that" But I'm at the
foot of the class, mother-that's where
the shoe hes!"-Chicago Tribune.
She Ito future son-in-law)-I may
tell you that, though my daughter is
we'll educated, she can not cook. He
That doesn't matter much, so long as
she doesn't try.-Philadelphia lnquir'
er.
Police Justice-Have you any way
of making living? Vagrant-I hev
y'r Honor. / kin make brooms. Po
lice Justice-You can? Where did you
learn that trade? Vagrant-I decline
t answer, y'r Honor.
Mrs. Gudethyng-Why did you have
to leave the army? Wayward Cuffdror
We'll, you see was in the hospital
most of the time; the food was toe
rich for me. was used to living in
boarding g-house.-New York Globe.
Mrs. Highsome-Why did you leave
your last place? Applicant (for posi-
Ition as cook)-To tell ye the honest
truth. ma'am, the mussus discharged
me. Mrs. Highsome-Then you didn't
leave of your own accord. I'll take
you!
81 see that Jane Bleeker always
takes Charlie Brainard with her when
she drives her new motor-car.
thought she favored Clarence Green y
Yes, put poor Clarence isn't any good
at pumping up tires. cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Did you have pleasant time at
the picnic, Ronald? | trust that you
remembered to fietcherlze, and masti-
Gated each mouthful 100 times y
"Yes'm an while | was chewin my
first bite the other boys ct up all the
grub."-Life.
Visitor-Who is that crazy man yell
ing and struggling so? Hospital At
tendant-He isn't crazy. That's DR..
Sabre, the celebrated surgeon. They
brought him here yesterday, and the
doctors have just ordered an opera
tion.-Puck
Irate Tailor (who has called fire.
quently to collect, without success,-
My dear sir, I wish you'd make some
definite arrangement with me, then.
The man-Why, surely-let's see
WELL suppose you call every Monday
Bohemian.
MA, what are the folks in our
church gettin up a subscription fer?"
"To send our minister on vacation
to Europe this summer" Wont there
be no church services while he's gomez"
mo, dear" MA, got S1.23 in my
bank--can l give that?"-Cleveland
Leader.
Nervous Passenger ION lake steamer)
1T must be terrible to think Of an
accident happening to the boat while
you are away down there In that hole.
Stoker-It's jlst the other way, ma'am.