Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-12-12
Boards Authority Challenged.

At this point a telegraph messenger
rushed in with a cablegram for the sci
entists which read as follows:
''Kapiti Hills. South Africa. Chairman
Board of Arbitration. care Giridiron Club,
Washington. d. c. Your assumption of
authority is a gross, impudent and un-
warranted usurpation. | shall settle this
case. (SigneD BWANA TUMBO."
I'VE will proceed with the hearing.
said the chairman. Doctor. can you dis
cover a means of convincing Clifford Pin
chot that Theodore Roosevelt is not now
the President of the United States?,
Il fear not. President Taft and Secre-
tary Ballinger have both tried it, said
DR.. Cook.
did you discover anything unusual as
you approached the pole?"
'Yes: as we neared IS degrees there
was peculiar manifestation, apparently
by the sun. which we had not seen for
several days. The natives said it was an
aurora borealis caused by Sunny jim
Sherman. who had come north to esca pc
the hot air of the United States Senate"
Another cablegram was brought in and
read, as follows:
Ig-ti-um-bum- wog South Africa,
December II.
"Dr Frederick A. Cook and Commander
Robert f, Peary. Care Gridiron Club,
Washington. d. c.:
understand YOU are both on the wait
ing list for membership in the Ananas
Club. Why wait? T. r."
Another discovery they made at the pole
was man frozen stiff in a standing at
titude. His arms were outstretched in
opposite directions. On one of his arms
was the legend ITO the speakership OF
the Sixty-second Congress-" and on the
other TO the United States Senate
They then knew it was Champ Clark.
Matt Henson Settles It.
AT this point of the proceedings the
scientists expressed the fear that they
were being buncoed: they became dubi-
Gus of the identity of the alleged explor-
ers. and it was suggested that barber
be brought in to shave them. He ap-
peared in the representation of Matt Hen
son, carrying barber pole. He sang
several snatches of a topical song, one
verse of which ran thus:
Cook an Peary had a race
To reach dat pole, you know;
But de only ones dat fotch de place
Was a ''dingo and an Eskimo.
But dey ain got a word to say;
Gumdfops an gin
Helped dem to win;
But dey ain got a word To say"
Divesting the two explorers of their
Whlskers, the barber revealed them to
be In fact Ira E. Bennett of the Wash
ington Post and f. L. Keen of the
OF the club. who were thus being initiated
and welcomed to membership.
A song dedicated to President Taft to
the air of Il Love My Wife, but You
Kid ran as follows:
Now Roosevelt once was President.
y yes, he was; xss
But Mister Taft now runs the lob
0 yes, he does:
Roosevelt now has gone a-hlnting.
Shooting with his might and main:
so the politicians warble
This musical refrain
CHORUS.
I'VE love. We love, we love Roosevelt,
But oh you Taft,
He's gone away to Africa
But oh you Taft,
He said he would come back again.
And thereupon we laughed;
we love, we love, we love Roosevelt,
But ON you Taft!'
Some Spirit Messages.
little skit which caused much amuse-
ment was enacted by two members of the
club. Sonora paladino the celebrated
Italian. was introduced by her manager
and her lecturer. The sonora was dressed
in a beautiful Italian peasant costume,
and gave a short exhibition Of her power
to move tables and other objects. Then
her unconscious condition a number of
messages. which related to the various
guests about the table.
Madame Paladino was asked by ex-Goy |
FRANCIS OF Missouri what was the best
plan for getting the democratic nomina- |
ton. The answer came through the |
shade of Samuel ]. Tilden and read: |
Ihat Is an unnecessary question. You
have tried them ALL
John Hayes Hammond desires to know |
why he was not nominated for Vice Presi- |
dent The answer came: Vice president |
Of what?" |
The shade of Pyrrhus desired TO send a |
message to Secretary Ballinger and when
Il was asked: who is Pyrrhus?" the |
reply came: The man who said Another |
victory like that and l am undone'"
Shakespeare made good e.lort to con- /
troll Nine. Paladino, and it was finally !
announced that he had a message for |
David Belasco. The message was written |
out and read: I'm our day we produced
plays without scenery, but in your day
you produce scenery withot plays
Gov. Harmon of Ohio, asked: Can | be |
nominated for the Presidency Nine. !
Paladino refused to write an answer and
the manager announced that -e ques-
ton was referred to Lincoln, Neb.
Not for Publication.
Finally Uncle joe Cannon asked the
question: What shall / say when the in
Sdi sciltS dSh HE u EeSlSH. MEnc
Paladino nearly had fit, and refused to
write an answer. Then her manager
exclaimed: Nine. Paladino is lady and
will not take down such shocking
language as is suggested by your query
Perusal of the menu caused a men,
ber of the club to suggest that President
TART had expressed a wish for plain food,
and he deprecated so many fancy dishes.
rms reminded another clubman that
Gov. Clark OF Alaska had sent the pro-
prletor OF the principal restaurant of
Nome 10 Washington, with his Chef to
get pointers on how TO entertain the
President when he visits Alaska next
year. The proprietor was introduced
Excuse me, gents. ne said I'm the
proprietor of the FL Del Monico i'm Nome.
and I'm going to give Mr. Taft the
bang-upedlst al fresco table d'hotey de-
shurney la fourshetty you ever saw
when he gifts there.
Takes Some Hot Orders.
In order to test the capacity of the
chef several orders for dishes were
given him. One wanted poached eggs.
and the proprietor sang out, Cook and
Peary on a raft" 1t was said that Cant. |
Butt had fntfmated that one of the
most distinguished guests of the even
ing. who didn't care to have his name
mentioned. wanted to have plate of |
nash with red peppers and tabasco
sauce. One order of Rooseyelts poll
cies' was called. Speaker Cannon was
said to want something that he could
get his teeth on that would remind
y. Of to-