davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.

From the New York Press.
The thing that makes a man most con-
ceited about himself il for girl to tell
him he doesn't seem so.
A mans idea Of bad temper is wife
who won't be scolded without scolding
back
The reason girl can get SO much out
of her father by wheeling him is she
can make him believe nobody could do it
to him.
There Is ever SO much more steady. do
pe~dable fun in content than in happi-
ness.
The man who wears the ties his wife
picks out for him has the greatest con-
tempt for the man who parts his hair
the way his wife makes him
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
Good Roads Agitation.

"I hope the good roads club of JEFF
ferson county will get down to practical
work with the opening of the new year,"
said a man who has taken much interest
in the subject.
Speaking of the work here in this
county let me suggest that we build good
serviceaple roads costing an average of,
say, $500 per mile, such as have already
been constructed. Now, with the proposed
bond issue of 100000, supplemented by
the annual revenues from taxation, In five
years we could build 700 miles additional
good roads-roads trave1able at all sea-
sons. This would leave about 200 miles to
be improved; this last not 80 important
as the greater mileage named. With
the proposed construction Of, say, 700
miles, this county would have about 1000
miles of standard roads.
Now, as to state and federal aid and
the construction Of the standardized roads
of the first GLASS; If in the future the con-
stitutional amendment adopted last year
shall bring some money to the county
from the convict fund, then this money
could first be used to complete the entire
mileage of the county as now developed,
and such additional roads as development
may call for; next it could go into
the sinking fund to pay off the bonds
LAS to proposed federal aid the funds
from such a source would be applied, Of
course, to rebuilding the cross-county
main thoroughfares connecting with state
and interstate highways. Then the build
ing of the more expensive and perma-
nent roadway, costing from $1,000 to 5000
per mile could be undertaken, using the
preliminary work of the roads now to be
built for this"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
CLOCK WOUND UP 10000 YEARS.
From the Westminster Gazette

There have been many attempts to solve
the secret of perpetual motion. The near
est approach to that ideal-though its in
ventor makes no claim to have discov-
cred it's timepiece devised by the
Hon. J. r. Strut. Lord Rayleigh's son.
which consists Of two leaves Of alumni
mum, an exhausted glass tube, and a
fraction of grain Of radium The RADIO
activity of the radium causes the alumni
mum leaves to move once a minute, and
with a wireless coherer bell rings at
each movement. For 10000 years at least
the wonderful energy inherent in the
microscopic piece of radium will, 1t Is
calculated, continue to act. and nothing
whatever needs to be done to the clock
once 1t is set going.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
TOO PERSONAL.

From December Harpers.
In one of the large cities a street car
collided with a milk cart and sent can
after can Of milk splashing into the street.
Soon a large crowd gathered. A very
short man coming up had to stand on
tiptoe to see past a stout woman in front
of him.
'tGoodness!" he exclaimed. What an
awful waste!'
The stout woman turned round and
glared at the little man and said. sternly:
Mind your own business!'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
KDRIFT WITH THE TIMES

was pre-empted. The hotel clerk, wish.
Ing to do the best he could, told his
would-be guests that the sexton of the
Methodist church had left his key at the
desk, and, If they would say nothing
about it he would let them sleep in the
church on pew cushion. They agreed
and were admitted to the sacred ediffce
About midnight the bell in the church
steeple was heard ringing violently. The
Waterman rushed up and, upon attempt
ing to get in at the door. was electrified
to hear the order: Bring two Martini
cocktails to Pew 49,"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
RANK NEW YORK.

From the Houston Post
New York's Rank as Seaport" is the
caption of Birmingham Age-Herald ed
itorial. OF course 1t is. New Yorks rank
from any point Of view, and especially
in the matter Of recent municipal poll
tics.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS.

From Everybody's Magazine.
The lecturer raised his voice with en-
phatic confidence. II venture to assert,
he said. that there isn't man In TINS
audience who has ever done anything to
prevent the destruction of our forests"
modest looking man In the back OF
the hall stood up.
A1-er--rvs shot woodpeckep." he said.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
Wheat Conditions High

The wheat and rye crops were, on
December /. very promising. The in
crease in wheat acreage stood at that
time at 2.449. 900 acres, making the
grand total of acres In winter wheat
ssAs5.ooo acres. The condttioe. Of the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
REVERIES.


When the rain beats on the windows
And the blasts of winter blow
And a dreamer by the hreside
Dreams a dream of long ago,
Phantoms Turk in every corner,
Pictured there by leaping flames,
And the smoke wreaths, curling upward,
Seem to spell forgotten names.
And the tongues OF freight whisper,
Fraught with reveries sad and gay,
OF the Tilt in lifes May morning
And the gold that turned to gray;
OF the castles blithely builded,
Which in early ruin fell,
And the hearts by sorrow blighted
More than tongue could ever tell.
But the shadows fade and gladness
Comes to hold her frolic sway
And the somber wings of fancy
Bend no more toward yesterday.
In the Goals appears a promise,
Shining through a mist of tears;
Hopes renewed and one who faltered
Turns to face the coming yearsl
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

leaves and branches. On this was placed
a half carcass. split lengthwise through
the back. and there 1t was slowly roasted,
being turned over and well basted every
once in a while by an old darby expert
barbecuist. called the cue boss. This
meat was slowly barbecued for at least
eight or ten hours, and was an all-night
Job. for the fire had to be started at night
fall and kept up until next noon. whom
all was ready for the sylvan feast.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The Chinese mission is off the dock
ct. William J. Calhoun of Chicago has
1t unless he is recalled Just as he is
going UP the gangway in San Fran
cisco.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The election in Great Britain is SIM
ply a referendum, but the commons
had the initiative when they passed
the budget.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Santa Claus will celebrate the re-
llrn OF prosperity by doubling his or
er for Christmas goods.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The poets are in bad way. Poet
LIE Gallienne has been sued for grocer
les, and Poet Watson is earning the
contempt of all good people.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The saloons are with the lords in
their political fight, because the brew
ers own them, and the brewers belong
to the beerage.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The articles in the Congressional
Record cost, it appears from full
statement, much more than a dollar a
word. Roosevelt Is outdone at last.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

When j. Pierpont Morgan wants
Anything he becomes at once the
worlds champion early shopper
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
ISN'T TT THE TRUTH

well, what are you thinking about,
Mr.. Grubber?'
Il was just thinking that if opportunity
were as persistent as the average bill
collector, there would be darned few peo-
pie in this world signing over what might
have been"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
Wants Roosevelt Again.

whether or not Roosevelt will be a
candidate for the presidency in 1912 re-
mains to be seen, but the return from
Elba' next June will heighten the in
terest in national politics. and will slim
ulate the Imagination" said repub-
lican.
IT was an admirer Of President Roose-
welt while he was in office, but opposed
nominating him again in 1908. But now
that he is out of office and the> third
term prejudice has pretty well died out.
think the republican party would do
a wise thing by nominating him In 1912.
I believe he could be elected by a de-
cisive majority. The people like Roose-
velt's energy and his grit. They know
he is absolutely honest His mistakes
are easily offset by his practical states
manship."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Congress is In session, and this
means that the board of strategy in
every crossroads general store will at
once get down to the problem on "how
to run the government"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Instead Of moving that Congress
work at night only, Senator Bailey
should have asked that 1t work day
and night, for its salaries have been
increased.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Mr.. Watson's advertising scheme is
without reason, however much rhyme
it may contain.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Spanish American presidents simply
go to Paris and live happily ever
after.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The English contention between
lords and commons has passed the ar
bitration point and is up to the English
electorate.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Birmingham is having winter in ad-
vaIIce of Christmas. For Christmas
DAY expect return Of Indian summer.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Congressman Sulzer has Joined the
Philander Knox brigade in this war
against Zelaya.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Politics will not become normal un-
til Mr.. Roosevelt returns from Elba
next June.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

noughts while Great Britain is without
a budget.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
A THOUGHTFUL BIRD.

'T wonder what makes the stork look
so serious"
Hes probably kept busy guessing"
|. Guessing what7"
whether he will be welcome or not"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The serpent's tongue is pitted against
the poets pen and will win out.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Washington crossed the Delaware
and the warlike Prairie got stuck in it.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
AN ALARMIST.

> AN ALARMIST.
HE claims to have performed signal
service for his party
And so he has"
I'm what way7"
waving the red flag at every oppor-
tunity."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
A KANSAS YARN.

A KANSAS YARN
Here is story told by 'Vio" Murdoch
of Kansas 1t may be taken with the con-
ventional grain of salt:
1.-TWO drummers arrived in a western
town late at night and found the only
hotel full up Even the billiard table
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Chicago does not permit trucksters
to shrek Coal" or anything else on
the street.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

New Years day is never complete
ccess, because it is settling-up day,
luding Christmas
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Merchants welcome this weather,
because 1t is seasonable, and seasonal
lie weather always stimulates trade.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
oId-Time Temperance Societies.

ST have wondered if total abstinence
crusades would be In vogue again." said
an old total abstainer. about 40 years
ago the Sons of Temperance were still
active, but the Independent Order of
Good Templars began then to supplant
them in popular favor. The Templars
swept many sections Of the country. The
order is still in existence but as soon as
the prohibition wave began to make its
appearance total abstinence societies
started on a retrograde movement The
old temperance organization have re-
ferred to appealed to the moral sense of
the individual. Men took the pledge and
kept it There was no politics in the Sons
of Temperance or the Good Templars. 1t
may be that when the wave of political
prohibition spends itself genuine temper
ance reform will have a chance once
more There will always be wide field
for it and It will always be backed by
public sympathy"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

1t takes faunal naturalist, after all,
to write lively and interesting mes
sage.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

Ex-President Roosevelt fears dinner
invitations in Europe more than he did
lions in the jungle.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
FOR POET WATSON.

FOR POET WATSON.
A Birmingham bard who doesn't like
William Watson contributes the following
lines:
''She Is not old, she is not young,
The woman with the serpent's tongue"
VIII Watson wrote with venomed pen
To queer her in the sight of men.
But verses sung with caitiff twang
Have proved a bloomin boomerang
Will Watson wrote to get check
And got it-yes, but in the neck.
Don NICK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
HANDICAPPED.

Some people we know
Would win in a walk,
If they didn't indulge
In so much loose talk.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
A aRIEYous ERROR.

A GRIEVOUS ERROR.
'T wonder why so many business men
marry their stenographers?
Probably under the mistaken assump-
ton that they can dictate to them as
easily after marriage as they did be-
fore"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
A TIP FOR BEGINNERS.

A TIP FOR BEGINNERS.
ct believe I'll write a novel"
'In drawing your heroine, don't forget
the unities of fiction
what do you mean?"
eyes like stars go best with midnight
hair and If your heroine has any teeth,
make them like sea foam"
PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
A FUTILE VAIL.

A FUTILE VAIL.
This department was sadly disorganized
in the Sunday morning paper. So many err
rors were made we found it hard in places
to recognize our own handiwork. How
ever, what made us particularly grouchy
was an Improvement" in a Jingle telling
how most every man feels like a winner
just after he's had a dandy dinner. An
aesthetic typographer made it read
dainty dinner"
BE IN STYLE.
Fathers, don't
Forget to order
Christmas checks
With holly borderl
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

The woman had tongue, but Bard
Watson supplied all the venom.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Growth of Southern cities.


"All the prominent cities of the south
Will make good showing in the next
census" said ]. F. Brazleton Of st. Louis.
The city in which 1 live while strictly
speaking is not classed as southern, has
large southern element and draws a
large part of its trade from the south. In
the last census it had population of
57523s and in the next 1t will have about
100000. Louisville is claiming something
like 100000. In 1900 it had 204,731.
New Orleans according to recent es-
Inmates has a population of $4,000 as
against $4,000 in 1900 Memphis is credited
with 175.O0O to 100000. In the last census
it had 100000. Nashville has grown from
S0,S65 In 1900 to 10000.
Birmingham 1t is claimed will have
population of 125,O00 on July l II the
Greater Birmingham goes into effect AS
it had only 3S, 45 in 1900 its rate of In
crease has been more phenomenal than
any other city in the south and perhaps
than any city in the United States. A
200 per cent gain in 10 years would GER
tainly attract the attention of the invest
ment public and make Birmingham more
notable than ever.
Atlanta, which had a population of
only s9.s72 in 1900 will probably not fall
far below the 10000 mark next year.
The Georgia metropolis has been growing
fast ever since the war and 1t will never
stop growing, but 1t is safe to say that
Birmingham will far outstrip 1t in 1920.
1t is reasonable to forecast a population
of 25O,000 to 100000 In the census following
that of next year, and I doubt II At
lanta will come anywhere near those
figures.
Savannah contained $1,000 people In
1900 Il now claims 10000 Charleston
grows slowly. 1t had population OF
$1,000 in 1900 and now it only claims g.
900. But old Richmond will show large
gain. It had only 5000 in the last CEN
sus and it will have over 10000 in 1910
''In Texas San Antonio leads with an
estimated population of 10000 as against
$1,000 in 1900 Dallas and Houston each
claims 10000. In 1900 the former had but
42,63s, and the latter but 446SS."
Grand Concert Tomorrow Night
The Treble Clef club concert at the
Jefferson theatre tomorrow night Will Dc
an exceptionally attractive affair. Mad
dame Jeanne Jomelli, one Of the greatest
dramatic sopranos in the world. will be
the star of the occasion and should OF
herself be sufficient to draw crowded
house. But in addition to Madame Jo-
melli the Treble Clef chorus will sing sew
eral beautiful numbers. The club has
a splendid record for artistic achieve
ment.
Mr.. Damrosch, who conducted the Tre-
BILE Clef in the music festival last spring.
said he had never heard a finer chorus
of women in this country; that few in
deed could be reckoned In its class. The
Treble Clef is said to be even stronger
and fresher this season than usual.
OId-Tiyoa Tepanerance Societies.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14
RECOGNIZED.

RECOGNIZED.
The Christmas joke is back again
I know It well, because
It has a crop of whiskers most
AS long as Santa Claus
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

A WORD OF WARNING.
Keerful, Santa Claus!
Whate'er you do,
Don't let the Christmas tree
Set fire to you'll
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1909-12-14

A SAMPLED OF HIS WIT.
Els Chumpley much of a humorist?"
well, not excruciatingly funny. He
considers 1t good joke to speak of his
wife as the biggest lemon he ever got.'
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11
In a decision handed down by Jude

In decision handed down by Judge
Mcpherson of the United States dis.
trict court at Kansas City, Mo-, Mon.
day, the two-cent per mile passenger
rate and the maximum freight rate
laws of Missouri were held to be con.
iscatory, and the state was perma.
nently enjoined from enforcing the
rates. An appeal will probably be
taken by the state to the supreme
court of the United States. Here in
Minnesota the railroads have ac-
quiesced in the two-cent per mile law,
but should the Mcpherson decision be
upheld the old rates may be restored.
Somehow or other we cannot help feel.
ing that the costly litigation now be-
ing INDUCED in by the state of Min.
nesota will benefit no one outside OF
the lawyers employed.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11

Microbes pathological specimens
of diseases hereafter be refused
admission to the mails unless packed
in strong glass walls and then placed
in cylindrical tin cases. Postma ster
General Meyer has so ordered. AS a
precautionary measure this is very
good, but there is another menace to
health which seems to have been over
looked-the multitudinous bacteria
which are carried about the country in
mail sacks. Microscopic examinations
have revealed the fact that some of
these bags are literally alive with
bacilli. The department should either
introduce germ proof mail sacks or
supply every postoffice with formal
dehyde spraying apparatus.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11

A London cablegram to the New
York Sun says that thousands OF
Italian earthquake sufferers are still
unfed, unclothed and without shelter.
Yet there is not the slightest suspicion
of dishonesty in connection with the
work of the commission appointed by
the king of Italy to distribute relief.
It is the absurd, almost incredible
redtape with which the commits sion has
been striving to make dishonesty i'm
possible that has crippled the whole
undertaking. Barely 10 per cent OF
the funds received have been expended
up to this time, and had it not been for
the foreigners who administered their
own relief the situation would still be
appalling.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11

Time and again the Union has
predicted that the Standard Oil CON-
pany would not pay a single dollar
of the 500, 240, 900 fine imposed by
Judge Lands. The prediction has
been verified. In the United States
district court at Chicago yesterday
Judge Anderson instructed the Jury to
find the Standard Oil company not
guilty. This was a retrial of the same
case which was heard before Judge
Lands. 1t seems to be almost impos-
sible to convict a trust in Federal
court of even the most fragrant viola
ton Of law. Once in while a state
court finds against a trust, but a
Federal court hardly ever.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11

Admiral Robley D. Evans predicts
that the time is not far distant when
Russia will again go to war with
Japan 'sRussia will never be salts
fed until it has another try in the field
with the Japanese" says he "and to
that end is rebuilding it's navy, get
ting it's army into shape and construct
ing double track railroad across
Siberia" For some time to come the
Japs will have their hands full TAX
ing care of the Manchurian situation
and should the Russians succeed in
mobilizing a large army at some
strategic point on the frontier there is
every probability that the orientals
would be defeated. An attack by land
is Russia's long suit, and she can
pour millions of men into the Geld at
short notice.
The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1909-03-11

Taft and Sherman are now respect
lively president and vice president of
the United States while Roosevelt and
Fairbanks have been retired to private
citizenship. In his inaugural address
President Taft pledges himself to
maintain and enforce the policies of
his predecessOr-tO finish the work
which he helped Roosevelt to begin
and, furthermore, he promises to use
his best efforts to bring about honest
revision of the tariff and the removal
of the special causes of bitterness in
the political and social relations of the
south with the nation at large. AL
though the task which President Taft
has imposed upon himself is of stu
pendous proportions, there is every
reason to believe that he will succeed
in accomplishing it.