davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
CONFESSIONS OF A CLOWN.
At Last, There is on Sale a Book
Brimful of American Humor.

Brimful of American Humor.
Any bookseller will tell you that
the constant quest of his customers
Is for "a book which will make me
laugh" The bookman Is compelled
to reply that the race Of American
humorists has run out and comic lit
erature is scarcer than funny plays.
A wide sale is therefore predicted for
the Memoirs of Dan Rice" the
Clown of Our Daddies, written by
Maria Ward Brown, a book guaran-
teed to make you roar with laughter.
The author presents to the public a
volume Of the great TESTERS most
pungent jokes, comic harangues,
caustic hits upon men and manners,
lectures, anecdotes, sketches Of ad-
venture, original songs and poetical
effusions; wise and witty, serious,
satirical, and sentimental sayings Of
the sawdust arena of other days.
Old Dan Rice, as proprietor Of the
famous lone Horse Show" vas more
Of a national character than Artemus
Ward, and this volume contains the
humor which made the nation laugh
even while the great Civil War ragged.
This fascinating book Of 500 pages,
beautifully illustrated, will be sent
you postpaid for $3.50 by Book Pub
fishing House, 1874 Leonard street,
New York,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
The Man Behind the Blast.

At the head Of the rock drilling
and blasting gangs in the New York
Central yards is a little Irishman who
knows the science of breaking up
granite cliffs from alpha to omega.
He knows rock as well as a Southern
epicure knows possum.
It Is a rare pleasure to see him &c
about his task. He picks out unerr-
ingly the weak spots in the rocky
wall before him, probes them deep
with cunningly slanted drills and
then breaks the solid bluff into tiny
fragments.
All the time 1000 workmen are
toiling in the yards about him, and
the trains are coming and going ev-
cry four minutes. His position is
onerous, yet his responsibility rests
lightly on his shoulders. He is as
quiet and unassuming as a boy and
his laugh is as merry and jovial as
though he had not a care in the
world.-Alcolm.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Only One:

IN an Ohio town there is still main
tanned a stage coach system of trans
p~ortation, the steeds whereof are of
that sad appearance presented by the
horses attached to the Fifth avenue
line in New York not so many years
ago.
One day a Cincinnati man. visiting
the town in question, boarded a stage.
having no other currency than a SIS
bill. This ne p%roffered to the driver.
The latter took it. looked it over for
q moment or so and then asked:
Which horse do you want. Bill?"
Hampers Weekly.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Vegetable Compound has done for me
during this trying period. Complete
restoration to health means so much
to me that for the sake of other suffer
ing women 1 am willing to make my
trouble public 80 you may publish
this letter. MRS. CHAs. BARCLAY,
RED, Graniteville, vt.
No other medicine for woman's ills
has received such widespread and un-
qualified endorsement. Nc other med
icine we know of has such a record
of cures of female ills as has Lydia E..
pirkham's Vegetable Compound.
For more than 80 years it has been
curing female complaints such as
Inflammation, liberation, local weak
nesses, fbroid tumors, irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, indigestion
and nervous prostration, and it is
unequalled for carrying women safely
through the period of change of life.
1t costs but little to try Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, and,
as Mrs. Barclaysays, it is worth noun
tains of gold to suffering women.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
%eternally intact and require no re,

eternally intact and require no re-
pairs; every air craft must pay a
license for the use of the routes; the
system of electric fences absolutely
shuts out trespassers. A bond issue
of IS, 900, 900 900 has just been made
to acquire new franchises and convert
old debts. Interest is seventy-five
per cent, payable semi-annually. We
offer to the public, subject to prior
sale, these bonds at par and accrued
interest. SNYDER, PLOTZ & BILKS,
Wall Street, New York.
WHY IS A vORTEX?-No man
who calls himself a sky pilot and is
intrusted with the lives of his fellow
humans can afford to be ignorant of
the vital theories and principles of
navigation. Suppose you were caught
in an ~anthroscopic whirl with the
verometer pointing to one-half zero
and the imitation needle at forty
three, what allowance would you
make for the compass in order to es-
cape disaster? Do you know that
protonyms Of a negative cohesion are
likely to be encountered at the third
meridional peridox? You may equip
yourself thoroughly for your duties
and pass all governmental examin-
ations by taking a three months cor
respondence course in New York Air
School. Write to-day.
AFFINITY.-Young Marian gen.
tleman, eighteen feet high and Eve
feet broad, pleasing appearance, good
character, would like to carry on
wireless correspondence with spiritu-
ellie Earth girl, blonde preferred.
VIII send photo by ether route in re-
turn for same. Object, to exchange
the soul kiss. Address MARS,
G%69571048.
SANATORIUM.-Victims of the
aerial speed mania, those who have
acquired the habit of using oxygen
and ozone in excess, persons who
have broken down through practicing
the pernicious mo Sleep theory, and
all who suffer from shattered nerves
from whatever cause are quickly re-
stored to health at our institution.
We draw off every ouk.ce of impov-
erished blood from tie human body
and refill arteries with pure, fresh
chemical blood containing synthetic
red corpuscles guaranteed by U. S.
Government; we also remove worm
out nerves and replace with healthy
tissue of selected goats. Get re-
blooded and. renewed, and live fifty
years longer! Only IS a yard for
nerve installation. Book of testimon-
ials free. WALLABOUT HEALTH
INSTITUTE.
TRAINED NURSES WANTED
The Red Cross Society wishes to en-
gage Immediately ten (10) trained
nurses, good looking young women.
to attend wounded on Patagonian
ba%ttlefields. Must W their own
machines and fly to the scene of ac-
ton at hours notice. Nurses will
transport patients to General Hos
pital near South pole. RED CROSS
SOCIETY, New York.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Amethyst the Color.

At the Paris theatres it was shown
that the dressmakers there have gone
quite wild over amethyst. Both tones
of this semi-precious stone are used.
There is the deep rich purple and tia
pale hyacinth. Both are popular, and
are brought out in every kind Of fab
ric. Lovely as these shades are, they
will not stand the sun. The heat
draws the amethyst out of the fabric
and leaves it a dirty gray.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Tucked Blouse.

The simple tucked blouse Is always
a smart and a useful one. This mod
ell has the advantage of allowing a
choice Of sleeves of two lengths, and
it will be found appropriate for every
material thin enough to be laid In
small tucks. 1t is just as we'll adapt
ed to the entire gown az it Is to the
odd blouse, and it is altogether as
practical as any waist Of the season.
The tucks are tiny, providing just
sufficient fulness to be becoming, and
the neck can be finished as illustrated
or with a stock collar as. liked. Mer-
cerized batiste is the material illus
trated.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
seams extend 10 the shoulders, so CIV

seams extend 10 the shoulders, so CIV
ing slender and becoming lines and
the shawl collar finishes to neck. The
sleeves are in regulation coat style.
When the belt is used it is slipped
through slashes, which are cut and
bound on indicated lines, and there
are the patch pockets which make
such a feature of the season arranged
over the side-fronts.
The quantity Of material required
for the sixteen-year size is five and a
half yards twenty-seven, two and
three-quarter yards forty-four or
two and three-eighth yards fftytwo
inches wide with one-quarter yard Of
satin for collar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
THREE REASONS
Each With Two Legs and Ten Fin
gers.

A Boston woman who Is a fond
mother writes an amusing article
about her experience feeding her
boys.
Among other things she says:
Three chubby, rosy-cheeked boys,
Bob, Jack and Dick, aged 6, 4 and 2
years respectively, are three of u
reasons for using and recommending
the food, Grape-Nuts, for these
youngsters have been fed on Grape
Nuts since infancy, and often be-
tween meals when other children
would have been given candy.
Il gave a package of Grape-Nuts to
a neighbor whose ~3-year-old child
was a weakened little thing, i'll half
tho time. The little tot ate the
Trape-Nuts and cream greedily, and
the mother continued the good work,
and it was not long before a truly
wonderful change manifested itself
n the child's face and body. The re-
cults were remarkable, even for
Irape-Nuts.
Both husband and l use Grape
Nuts every day and keep strong and
well and have three of the finest,
nealthiest boys you can find in a days
march"
Many mothers instead of Destroy
ing the children's stomachs with can
iy and cake give the youngsters a
handful of Grape-Nuts when they are
begging for something in the way of
sweets. The result is soon shown in
greatly increased health, strength
and mental activity.
There's a Reason"
Look in pkgs. for the famous little
book, "The Road to Wellville."
Ever read the above letter? A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and full Of human
interest.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
A Skewer of Frogs.

L the Paris Halles more than A.
coo pounds of frogs legs are sold
daily. They come mostly from the
Vendee, where the soil is fiat and
swampy. Frogs are exported now in
large numbers to London clubs and
hotels, where they occasionally fig
ure on the bill of fare as "nymphes
en- brochette." The best frogs fetch
along about a dollar, more or less,
for a skewer of ten. The e frog
season closely follows the snail sea-
son, which finishes with May for the
time being.-Argonaut.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
A Ways Answer.

A sentry while on duty was bitten
by a valuable retriever, and drove his
bayonet into the dog. It's owner sued
him in the County Court for its value,
and the evidence given showed that
the soldier had not been badly bitten
after all. why did you not knock
the dog out with the butt end of your
rife?" asked the judge. The court
rocked with laughter when the sentry
replied: why didn't he bit me with
his tail?"-London Daily News.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
MUNYON'S EMINENT DOCTORS AT
. YOUR SERVICE FREE.
Not a Penny to Pay For the Fullest
Medical Examination.

II you are in doubt as to the cause
Of your disease mail US a postal re-
questing a medical examination blank,
which you will fill out and return to
us. Our doctors will carefully dag
hose your case, and If you can be
cured you will be told so; II you can
not be cured you will be told so. You
are not obligated to u in any way, for
this advice is absolutely free; you are
at liberty to take our advice or not as
you see fit. Send to-day for a medi-
cal examination blank, fill out and
return to US as promptly as possible,
and our eminent doctors will diagnose
your case thoroughly absolutely free.
Munyon's, SD and Jefferson Sts.,
Philadelphia, Pa.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Separate Skirts.

New linen skirts for everyday veal
are made with fifteen cores, and they
button directly down the middle of
the front. These buttons, by the way,
are somewhat new, for they are made
in the same way as those pearl but
tons used in mems shirt fronts, and
the bars are put through a small eye
let in the skirt, so that it is easy to
remove them when the skirt goes to
tie laundry.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
) 0BIN({T[lERfESSTa0N0e&N $

New York City.-Tne misses coat
hat is finished with a belt, giving a
suggestion of the Norfolk idea, is n
II the latest and smartest. 1t will be
worn during the between-seasons
ane and the early autumn, and is
adapted to every material appropriate
10 the season. This one, made OF
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
White Lace Wells.

The white lace veil is now the veil
Of the day. 1t is more widely worn
than the black and brown lace wells
which came in last eason 1t is made
of q soft Brussels net, usually in a
faint cream tone, with a tiny seal
loped edge and a network of vines
above. If the design is sprawling,
reaching up cver the checks and nose,
he effect is g%rotesque and should be
avoided.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
London Literary Note.

Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe on
June IA celebrated the ninety-eighth
anniversary Of her birth. Fifty-nine
years ago Mrs. Stowe sent into the
world a work that had a far greater
effect than any other on the progress
and destiny of America.-Publishers'
Circular.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

London vas somewhat shocked
and amused the other day to dis
cover that the glass front of the por-
trait Of Prime Minister Asquith at
the Royal Academy exhibition had
been placarded with a bill inscribed
Votes For Women"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

cure, not merely tenn
porary benefit. Rev.
Maxwell S. Rowland,
Of Toms River, N. j.,
makes q statement In
this connection that
Is worth attention.
he: Il was sud-
denly taken with an
a Of kidney
trouble, had severe
pains in my back
loins and was
generally run down.
Doctors were not
helping me, so / be-
gan using Doan's
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
WORTH
OF GOLD
During Change of Life,
saws Mrs. ChaS. Barclay
Graniteville, VT. ~ was passing
through the Changed of Life andSuffered

from nervousness
andother annoying
symptoms, and |
can truly say that
LydiaE. Pinkham's
Vegetable Com
pound has proved
worth mountains
of gold to me, as it
restored my health
and strength. |
never forget to tell
my friends what
T,VdiaE Pinkham'S
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Black Silk Crayat.

The cravat of black silk, messalhe
or some other weave, seems to be a
feature Of many gowns of linen as
well as cloth.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Rlack Mt the Neck.

The touch of black at the neck is
more fashionable than ever. 1t is
shown in many jewel studded bands
of black velvet to be worn at the top
Of the collar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
the Ears.

Many of the very newest styles OF
dressing the hair entirely conceal the
ears. These are invariably the modes
which include the centre parting.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Work NJ Head and Hand.

The head and the hand constitute
the winning forces in life. Man
comes to his kingdom/through the in
strumentality of their combination.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

To aid in the study of high volt
ages a short experimental transmits
sion line has been built in Sweden
adapted to operate at 100000 volts.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

The quantity of material required
for the medium size is three and
three-quarter yards twenty-one or
twenty-four, two and three-quarter
yards thirty-two or two and an eighth
yards forty-four inches wide with one
and a quarter yards of banding, two
yards Of edging.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Kidney Pills. They brought me
prompt relief, and as l { continued TAX
ing them the pains in my back disap-
peared and the kidneys were restored
to normal condition"
Sold by all dealers. SO cents q boz.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. T.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

The greatest cotton crop in the
United States was that Of 1908,
which, on the farm, was valued at
S722,0OO,OO N.Y.-S5
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Lame back and Lumbago make a young
man feel old. Hamlins Wizard Oil makes
an old man feel young. Absolutely moth
ing like it for the relief of all pain.
Zola's yearly income was at one time
sec. 900.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, ~softens the gums, reduces intamma-
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

The blouse is made with fronts
and back. The sleeves are made in
one piece each, and when three-quar-
ter length is desired are gathered
into straight cuffs or bands. The
neck can be finished with a neck band
or regulation stock collar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

serge, is finished with a collar Of satin
n matching color, but the coat is
adapted to the separate wrap as we'll
rs It Is to the entire suit, and If liked
t can be worn without the belt as
shown In the smaller view.
The coat is made with fronts, side
.ronts. back and eide backs. The
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
Parasol is japanese.

The much-ribbed parasol, called
the Japanese" is very prominent
this season.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Plans, are being made for the cleo
IRRIGATION Of the more important
State railways of Sweden.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15
MUST BELIEVE 1T.
Every Reader Will Concede the Truth
of This Statement.

One who suffers with backache or
any form Of kidney trouble wants q
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-09-15

Canada produces nearly all the world
nshestos.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1909-03-10
Kicking the Dead Lion.

1t has been in everybody's mind for the
never seen it so well put and so truthfully
told as in the following editorial para
graph from that we'll known journal, the
Saturday Evening Post:
Those vino take kick at dead lion
should always bear in mind one highly
important fact-namely, that the indulg-
ence of that pleasure would have been
quite impossible except for the demise of
the lion. We mention this merely by
way of suggesting to the more impas-
stoned opponents of Theodore Roosevelt
the enormous extent of their present OBJ
legation to him. No one who cares for
his reputation will deny that Roosevelt
could hsye had the Presidency for another
term if he had wanted it. Only his own
refusal prevented his denomination by
acclamation and his reelection by great
majority in which case, while there
might, al this time, be considerable ex-
ercise of pedal extremities, it would cer-
tainly not be the opponents of Roosevelt
who would do the kicking. Embsrking
for the wilds of Africa, he may be vio-
lent and utterly discredited politician,
ruthless charlatan who imperiled the
palladium of our liberties, and whom the
people-at least all the people that the
Senator or editor can see at the moment
unanimously repudiate. But if he him
self had said the word, decided majority
of the people would have enthusiastically |
Endorsed this discredited one and eagerly |
renewed his power to assault the palla-
dunn for another four years. With a
popular vote of seven odd millions for
Roosevelt-which he alone prevented-a
good deal of fiery indignation would have
been wonderfully modified. There would
have been no lion-kicking if the lion had
not voluntarily furnished the corpse,
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1909-03-10
NeighbOrhOOd Notes.

The First Presbyterian church at Kit
tanning, valued at 100000, was burned
down Sunday morning.
Ida G. Murray, OF Glen Campbell, JEFF
ferson county, has been appointed a no.
tary public by Governor Steuart.
Charles Herrick of Russell was killed
at Hemlock, Warren county, Friday by
tree falling upon him while taking out
ties. He is survived by his wife and four
children.
Stepping away from the approach of
one train only to be struck, killed and
mangled by another was the fate that be-
fell Albert Hulberg, of Irvineton, Thurs
day. He was aged 60 years and had been
in the employ of the 2. & L. railroad 40
years. He leaves family.
The existence of gang of boy thieves
has been unearthed at Dubois, and two of
the leaders, Lisle Fausey and Casino
Jones, are now under arrest. Fausey has
made confession of his part in numer-
Gus petty robberies, in one instance tam
pering with U. S. mail bag. Jones is
now in the Ridgway jail, charged with
another offense than his Dubois escapade.
Recently in nearby towns men have
been selling apparatus by which ii is
claimed that one pound of butter can be
made to weigh two pounds by the addition
of milk and without deterioration of the
butter. According to correspondent
this is not the case. The stuff after the
amalgamation is nothing more than
"smearkase," if the correspondent is to
be believed. He backs up his statement
BY a communication from government
official in which it is stated that such a
mixture would be food adulteration if
practicable, and therefore forbidden by
law. Quite number of the butter i'm
proving machines haye been sold in
nearby counties, but if the truth as TO
them Is being told it will be we'll for peo-
pie of this section, should they be ap-
preached by the dealers or agents, to
make full investigation before purchss-
ing. What the people generally would
most enjoy is, not more butter, nor
necessarily much cheaper, but an i'm
provement on the grade that one is so of
ten forced to buy.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1909-03-10
Kellettyille.

A. L. Lincoln of Knox, Pa, visited his
son, G. G. Lincoln, of this place, few
days last week.
Miss Pearl Allare of Cherry Grove was
the guest OF Mrs. VIM. Pope over Sunday.
Edna Johnson has been suffering from
neuralgia the past week.
Mrs. Ella Wilson returned from Buff
falo, N. Y, Thursday, where she pur-
chased a fine line of spring millinery
goods.
Inez Daubenspeck, who has been suf-
fering from severe attack of quinsy for
several weeks, is again able to attend
school.
The revival meetings at the M. L.
church are progressing. Thus far there
have been eleven conversions and nine
seekers. We hope to see the good work
continue.
Mrs. John Peterson and daughter Au-
drey of Mayburg are the guests of the
formers parents, Mr.. and Mrs. John
Watson.
S. A. Lyle of Balltown moved to our
town last week.
Mrs. NJ. Andrews is quite sick at pres
ent writing.
Mrs. Cora Felt of Tionesta is the guest
of her brother, Harry Watson.