The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1909-01-22

| SeIi nhs no sense OF numor, MOVING
like horse tedder over the hayfiel,
of American activities, stirring III
every drying blade Of once greer
grass, to let II fall drier than before
quarreling one day with the prac
teal politicians, then with the part
your-hair-in-the-middle reformers
then with the Socialists, then with
the great industrial corporations
wrestling In agony Of spirit will
Noah Webster and our glorious En-
glish tongue; taking fall out oi
nature fakirs; exhorting our womer
to avoid race suicide--cannot be an
unmiXed nuisance.
Thanks for Laughs.
lie plays the tyrant, to he sure
hut he is tyrant who fears the car.
nival ticker. He sees things that
have bad smell, but the fresh
breeze of Capitol Hill does not Let
the odor linger.
"He tries our patience, but he Is
always good to laugh at Thank
Heaven for things that make us
laugh! Without them we Nigh cas-.
lily become raw, untamed Anglo
Saxons, making much OF Magma
Charta, believing about an etTete
bill OF rights, or even ready to fight
for freedom of thought, freedom of
speech and freedom of the press, as
did our uncivilized ancestors at
Lexington and Bunker Hill.
"The beginnings of this mammoth
popularity, which for more than
seven years has driven dull care
away, the imposing gargoyle, grin.
ming above the entrance of the ma
tional temple Of place and power
have humor all their own.
"a cowboy in his youth, he has
never altogether grown out of that.
IAN unimaginable assemblyman,
with preposterous notions In his
early manhood.
"a candidate for Mayor of New
York, running third, with Henry
George second.
A police commissioner, soaring
the members of the force with Sher-
lock Holmes exits, entrances and
perambulations.
Beneficiary of Assassination.
"A national civil service commits
sioner, engaged In a bitter war of
correspondence with the editor of
the Washington Post, man whom
Arthur had delighted to honor, and
whose character was to his own
well, AS hyperion to n satyr.
IAN assistant secretary of the
navy, knitting his high-minded chief
In the back; n warrior In Cuba,
saved at San Juan Hill by black
soldiers; a signer of an insubor-
d!nate round robin, which any dig
nified war department would have
punished with summary court mar
tial; candidate for Governor of
New York, victorious by mere
flnke, when the false halo of San
Juan Hill was above his head; II
nominee for ice-Presldent against
his will.
1.-The beneficiary Of assassina-
ton, and last, and browning piece
Of luck, the nominee for President
when all the aggressive elements of
the opposition wanted to see their
own candidate defeated, the mann
moth POPULARITY has got q laugh with
every appearance; the gnrgoyle has
been funny from the hour IL left it's
native quarry.
The Royal Family.
He boasts of Irish blood, but no
freshman would have treated
IN ally as he treated Mr.. Hartman.
He exults in a strain of the old |
Buguenot, but the French gentle
nan does not fly into passion or
ash the horse Of timid young girl,
whose only offense is inadvertently |
passing the royal party In u public |
highway.
Hear what this fountain Of bill |
ngsgate has said of his predeces-
'ors In that high office: In his va
'ious writings he points out the err
'ors of George Washington. In the
life Of Morris he alludes to the utter |
weakness and folly of Thomas JEFF
erson's second term and the pitiable
Incompetence shown by him and his |
He declares that James Monroe
vas AS great failure as his prede-
Andrew Jackson he calls |
ignorant and hsadstrong;' Martin