davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
HUNOR or THE DAY

fTs your husband somebody?" "oh,
yes" answered the guileless wife. He is
never away at night unless he is detained
at the office."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Entertaining job that chap has"
Whats entertaining about feeding the
lions in a zoo?'' They keep the table in
a roar"-Boston Transcript.
she-Did you keep the last fast day?
He-I did. I had a note fall due on that
day.-Yonkers Statesman.
Miss Foot-when I marry it shall be a
brave hero who fears nothing Mr.. Koot-
I'm sure it wtlL-St. Louis Times.
Club Doctor with view to diagnosis)-
And now. my man, what do you drink?
Patient cheerfully)-Oh!-er-w Doctor,
Ill leave that to you.-The Bystander.
Knicker-The Supreme Court says trust
cannot collect bill. Bocxer-Then must
be trust.-New York Sun.
at can't understand how you tell the age
of horse by looking at his teeth" said
the city girl: 7 can't tell & list exactly f ~
false teeth I know he amt no coit."-Chi-
cago News.
''Is he making good in his new line
finding fault with the way his boss carries
on the business. detroit Free Press.
Harry-I hear that your father-in-Iaw
has cut you out of his will. Thomas-I
don't care. I'm teaching him TO play
poker.-Brooklyn Eagle.
The Cop-Hello, kids. You're just the
kids I'm looking fer. Coin West 90 hunt
Indians. I suppose? The Leader (doggedly)
NO, we amt We're goin' to Africa to
hunt lions with Teddy.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

suave voice that always meant mis-.
chief. but to tell me what the plav
was. don't seem to recall
OF course you don't. 1 belong to the
new school," Kitty said brightly "The
new school exists, you know, to prove
that until 1T came nobody ever played
Shakespeare quite right. Maybe it's be-
cause of my name, but I've always felt
that I could give new rendering of
Catherine. you know, in Tanning the
"She did do it-and was most con-
vincing,'' Douglas interrupted grateful
ly. He had been going hot and cold,
wondering if there were any escape
from the valley of humiliation open be-
fore them. He knew that only by
miracle could the Ackroyd tongues be
stopped.
so convincing" he went on. "I see
Alicia, Miss Patricia, will you come to
the wedding? It's to be just three
weeks from now
you are a wretch-an fngrate!"
Kitty said to him half an hour later
when the Ackroyds had reluctantly
taken themselves away. "I saved you
and in doing it trapped myself be-
yond escape. What punishment do you
not deserve, sir?''
Nothing short of imprisonment for
life,'' Douglas said. kitty, darling,
heroine-in reward you shall go on
having your own way"
81 don't want it-except sometimes,
Kitty answered. racing away to kiss
the major and Mrs. Major, and at last
to pet old Flossy's precious puppies
copyrighted, 1909 by Associated Lit
erary Press.)
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Many successes are not worth the
fights that were put up for them.
4 = 4
A person can generally obviate the
sending of man on a fools errand
by going himself.
" %
A husband can always have the
last word with his wife by agre eing
with the opinions she expresses.
4 *
Rich relatives are never lost sight
of. It's only the other kind who are
allowed to sink into oblivion.
n X %
Keeping in mind the wastepaper
baskets, it may be said that poets
lines do not always fall in pleasant
places.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
QUAKER MEDITATIONs.
(From the Philadelphi Record

(From the Philadelphi Record.)
The dog in the manger is the one
that does the most growing.
Strange how girls ideal can de-
velop into merely her husband.
Any girl can hear compliments if
she cultivates the habit of talking to
herself.
-Despise not the small things
Even paper of pins can give a man
lots of points.
The man who first said there was
played policy.
He who drinks too much at an
other mans expense generally has to
pay for it in the end,
Many a man has sustained a COM
pound fracture of the reputation by a
fall from the water wagon.
-Blobbs-"Hardup admits that he is
afraid to die" Slobbs-"He has horror
of meeting his creditors in the here
after, I suppose.
-Hoax-'I can a1wys tell a. woman
cheap" Joax-''How % Hoax-''Sin-
ply by looking at her husband"
Love makes the world go round
quoted the Wise Guy. YES" agreed
the Simple Mug, lit makes the world
go round SO fast that lots of US get
dizzy
-Hook-"That Boston girl is all
right after you understand her." Nye
II suppose she is but / can't under
stand her without carrying a diction-
ary around with me-
toned cutaway is the thing to wear?''
Wagg-'Well, I don't think it would
create quite SO much of sensation as
a hind-buttoned one.''
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
LET HER COME.

III women had the right to vote they d
. down the Demon Rum
All Snel up every gamblin' place 'twixt
mere an kingdom come;
Iheyd sterilize the city streets an eIe-
- Vate the polls,
E1l1 vice an crime would have to hide
IN their respective holes.
Ahen Wnen these cruel monsters got their
ugly features hid
Ine nations womanhood would go an
set upon the lid;
For woman is commissioned to reform
the world, although,
jest by casually observin, you might
never think twas so.
Ell women , had the right to vote we fel-
Iers couldn't chaw,
An smokin' vile tobaccy would be plumb
ag1n the law;
Wed never smell the fragrant weed in
street er train er room,
We'o nave to use patchouli. er some
feminine perfume.
But civic right an Righteousness in
We'd never see another spot. not even
on the sun;
The great millennium would dawn. them
suffrage leaders say,
An sorrow, sin, an sickness would fer
ever flee away.
Now by her ever-changin' form, diviner
than of yore,
An by her SuperstrIIctIIre which she
calls her pOmpydore,
by all her charmin' arts an wiIes, an
cb by the great Horn Spoon.
She ought to have the ballot an she
ought to have it soon.
Her husband an her father. an the other
powers of sin
Are holdin' back the golden age-that's
why 1t don't begin;
Let loose them tides of goodness that are
Waitin to be hurled
by the power of Votin' Woman on a poor,
New York Times
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
FROM OTHER PENS
OFFICERS AS
nTNTS
CABINET

1
DENTS.
| In the early days of the republic the
people apparently believed that the best
presidential timber could be found
among the men who had served in the
| cabinet and thus secured a knowledge
OF governmental affairs from the in
side. Thomas Jefferson served in
! iWashington's cabinet, James Madison
! sons, John Quincy Adams in Monroe's,
Martin Van Buren, in Jackson's and
James Buchanan in Polk General
Grant served a brief term in Johnson's
cabinet, but his service was hardly long
enough to figure in the political record
and his selection to the presidency was
| not due in any degree to his cabinet
service.
people have successfully chosen their
president outside the cabinet until the
election of Mr.. Taft. In fact, with the
exception of Mr.. Garfield and Mr.. Nc
| years have been men who prior to
| their election had had no experience IN
national political affairs. Mr.. Taft IS
| the first president since Buchanan to
comes to the office with a record OF
high official duty under two presidents
and a close and intimate knowledge OF
the entire government programme OF
will prove highly valuable both to him
and to the country.-Omaha Bee.
TO ABOLISH JURIES.
The Ontario legislature is to be
asked to take away from Jurles ac-
tions for damages against railway
companies, the reason assigned being
that the juries are guided by their
hearts rather than by their heads in
assessing the damages. The legisla-
ture might as well face at once the
question of abolishing the jury alto
gether, for this is what Is involved. If
the jury is not to be trusted with
cases in which sympathy may be
aroused for one party OF the other,
its functions will be much reduced.
IT must not be allowed to try suit
between an employer and workman,
between a man and a woman. between
a rich litigant anda poor one Ques-
tions of law are now left to the judge,
and complicated business matters are
often referred to arbitration. What
will be left for the jury to do If all
cases in which sympathy plays part
are removed?
The abolition of the jury would
be a very serious step which ought not
to be hastily taken. Juries have their
preiudices, so have judges. 1t is no.
torious that lawyers exercise a great
deal of ingenuity in endeavor1ng TO
have certain cases tried by certain
Judges. or to keep certain judges out
Of their cases. The excitement would
be much increased if the judges tried
all the cases against railways. the
attitude of each judge toward railway
corporations would speedily become
known.-Toronto Star.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR,

(From the New York Press.)
The reason there are so few great
men is how many think they are.
The things that a woman can't be-
want to.
There is no surer way to convince
girl you are making love to her than
to try to make her think that you are
not.
The man who will boast how his
family discharged the cook is a reck-
less liar; the cook always discharges
the family.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

will be quite as safe in the wilds of
Africa as he is at Oyster Bay. The
laughable part about the contentious
OF the first mentioned authorities is
that many of them have traversed the
territory which Mr.. Roosevelt will
travel over and are sufficiently hale
and hearty to tell about the grave
dangers that abound in them.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

Pat Grove, quondam kidnaper and
erstwhile evangelist, has Joined the
large army of saints who have fallen
from grace. He and a party of
friends got into trouble in a saloon in
Chicago the other night by being un-
able to pay for a round of drinks
which Grove ordered and which he
helped to drink
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

The final decision of the legislature
TO increase the salary of Mr.. Coburn,
the secretary of the Kansas depart
ment of agriculture, from $2,500 to
$500 a year, is something of a rec
ognition of the value of his services to
this state. but it is hardly commen-
glrate with them.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

President Taft is contemplating a
general trip through the south and
west this fall. Now is the time for
Topekans to extend such a hearty in
vitation to him to visit the capital
city of Kansas, while on this journey,
that he will be sure not to forget to
give it an important place in his itin-
erarv
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

It cost the Anti-Saloon league of
Tennessee but $4,000 to win its fight
for the enactment of a law prohibiting
the sale of liquor in that common
wealth. The victory would have been
a cheap one if it had cost one hundred
times that sum-
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

Among the other things which Mr.
Roosevelt took with him from the Of
fetal life of Washington was the de-
horned and simplifed spelling which
he was wont to use in his public docu-
ments. This confusing custom has
been quietly dropped by Mr.. Taft.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

The editor of the Northwestern Chris
tian Advocate, a publication that sup
ports the strictest warfare against al
coholics, is doing a lot of explaining
these days. A recent issue of the paper
contained a recipe for a pound cake,
which included "one wineglass of
whisky
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

A New York court has decided that
It IS not a crime, not even the merest
sort of a nnisdemeanor, for sweethearts
70 kiss each other good night in the
doorway of a girls home. All of
which is further evidence that some
real Daniels have been elevated to the
seats of judgment in this land, even
if their number is few
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

Ida NJ. Tarbell says that the tariff on
hides makes it necessary for the Amer
lean people to pay 100000 900 a year more
for their shoes than they would have to
expend If raw material for leather were
admitted free of duty. She might have
gone little further and added that the
tariff on manufactured shoes also helps
to unnecessarily swell the shoe bills.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

No wonder the chiefs of the wealth
er bureau at Washington are still ex-
planning why their predictions of fair
weather for inauguration day We're so
far from being right. They certainly
made it evident that no poorer fore
casters could work on the job.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

No one seems to be enjoying the
Wrangle Of the scientists as to wheth-
err or not Mr.. Roosevelt will come out
of Africa alive than he is. One set of
experts insist that one of the many fe-
vers or the sleeping sickness or some
thing else will be sure to kill him and
another class of equally distinguished
gentlemen are just as insistent that he
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

1t is to be wondered If the father
of bill which was introduced in the
Iowa legislature, but which was with
drawn before it came up for consider
alton, hoped to help in the crusade
against race suicide, If his measure
was enacted into law. Provision was
made in it for a bounty of 81 to be
paid to mother within three months
after the birth of each child,
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

One of the real harbingers OF the
approach of spring is the sales in the
clothing stores with the prices of
heavy overcoats marked down to low
figures
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

80, well, what is our loss is Africa's
risk says the Indianapolis News,
whose proprietor Delevan Smith, was
recently indicted for libelling several
prominent personages in connection
with the alleged Panama canal scam
lot
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

a learned physician has come to the
front with the announcement of a dis
covery that there are microbes in
buckw1leat cakes. They must be of
the good variety. They taste that
way ANYHOW
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
FTrLL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRF'SS

The lamblike tendencies with which
March arrived certainly got an awful
jolt on Monday night and Tuesday
morning
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
KANSAS COAAENT
FISH AND GAME wARDENs RE-
PORT

PORT.
| Inc Kansas fish and game warden
nds MADE a report to the governor for
- ene year ISoS' 1t is in pamphlet form
" lnlFty pages and includes some half
ZONES OF birds and fishes, which ac-
knoWledge Kansas sovereignty and the
aaatcnery buildings and ponds and the
us lisn ana game car. The pamphlet is
attractive to the eye.
During the year 2OS persons were
convicted Of violating the law in some
particular and fines to the amount of
s9. s,1.-I % Z We're assessed. OF these s.
were Tor illegal fishing, 30 for hunting
out OF season, 65 for hunting without
Incense, for buying or selling pro-
Iected game, for hunting without per-
mission and for hunting on Sunday
more tnan a thousand pairs of pheas-
ants ana hungarian partridges have
neen distributed, ten pairs going to al
most every county.
In 1908 there were 27,O67 licenses
granted in the state with a revenue to
the state of $51, AL .25 There was ex-
pended the sum of $43, ,920.11, which with
the balance on hand December 81, 1907,
leaves 18,240.08 on hand at the close
of the year.
The department has eighty acres of
land well improved and other property
which it estimates at $43, ,629.
warden d. w. Travis closes his re-
port with several recommendations
which he believes would help his de-
He would have fishing confined ex-
clusively to hook and line with sale of
fish from public waters prohibited.
He would permit game birds and ami
mails raised in captivity to be shipped
out of the state, and to exchange game
birds and animals with other states for
breeding purposes.
He believes that the law is resulting
in much good, the fields showing more
birds and the streams more fishes than
before the law was put into active
force.-Wichita Beacon
OKLAHOMA CREDIT.
The proof of most things substantial,
such as the standing of a state COM
mercially, the internal conditions po
litica1, religious and moral and the
productive capacity OF the soul, may be
determined by one test, and that is,
what says the credit market?
In its transformation from territory
to state, Oklahoma found odds and
ends Of debts which tota1ed $1,400, 600.
Not ready to assess a tax to cover it,
bonds were issued at four per cent in
terest and they have been sold in the
open market at a premium Of one and
one-fifth per cent.
Oklahoma may sit back and smile at
the political gibes, the commercial jests
and the wolf catching jokes aimed at
her by a good natured lot of Jokers,
Just so long as her four per cent bonds
sell above par.-Wichita Beacon.
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10
ANTUSENIENTS.
AT the Auditorium.

DdlIy matinee 2:30-High class vaudeville
Evenings 7:45-9:15-High class vaudeville
The Topeka state journal., 1909-03-10

fIs your husband a somebody2" "Oh,
YES" answered the guileless wife. He is
never away at night unless he is detained
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08
MRS. HEADlEE EQUIPPED
FOR ISLAND LECTURES

In leaving, | wish to extend my
hearty aloha to all the people, not only
of Honolulu, but of Maui, Hawaii and
Kauai, who so kindly helped me to ac-
quire a thorough knowledge Of the at
fractions of the Islands, . said Mrs
Frances King Headlee, vino left yester-
day on the Alameda en- route to Los
Angeles, where she will resume lrer lee
ture work for the Hawaii Promotion
Committee.
Everybody has been so helpful to
me IN acquiring information that will
so largely assist me in my talks, and
L have come into possession of some fine
photographs which will be reduced to
lantern slides. | hope that the plan
of the Pomotion Committee to send me
to Seattle to lecture during the tenure
of the Alaska Yukon Exposition will be
carried out, for [ feel that with the
new material / have collected and will
put into shape before | arrive on the
Coast, | can render even more far
reaching service with the people who
visit the fair than [ can at Los An
geles, just at present. However, / must
say that the work at Los Angeles is i'm
portant, mere important, perhaps, than
the people here realize. There is
stream of tourists constantly passing
through Los Angeles, large proportion
ready to go somewhere else if only the
attractions of other places, as, for in
stance, Hawaii, are shown to them.
So please say aloha for me to ell
who have helped me to learn all about
your beautiful Islands =
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08
OVER THIRTY-FIVE YEARS.

In 1872 there was a great deal of
diarrhoea, dysentery and infantile choI-
era. 1t was at this time that Chamber,
lain s Collie, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy was first brought into use. 1t
proved more successful than any other
remedy or treatment, and has for thir-
ty-six years maintained that record.
Nine Chemists out of ten will recon-
mend it when their opinion is asked,
although they have other medicines that
pay them greater profit. For sale
by all dealers. Benson, Smith & Co.,
agents for Hawaii.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08

Mrs. Longworth on their honeymoon
trip. The cottages are in grove of
fourteen acres OF 100-vear-old cocoanut
trees about 200 feet off Waikiki beach,
which Mr.. de Longpre considers the
finest spot in the world.
Honolulu, with it's splendid, dustless
macadamized roads, struck the artist
as paradise for automobiles, as well
as an ideal place for a perfect rest.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08
TIE
Gen er01 Dem and

of the Well Informed of the World has
always been for simple, pleasant and
efficient liquid laxative remedy of known
value; o laxative which physicians could
sanction for family use because its COM
ponent parts are known to them to be
wholesome and truly beneficial in effect,
acceptable to the system and gentle, yet
prompt, in action.
In supplying that demand with its ex-
cellent combination of Syrup of Figs and
Elixiraf SIENNA, the California Fig Syrup
Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relies
on the merits of the laxative for its remark
able success.
That is one of many reasons why
Syrup of Figs and Elixir of SIENNA is given
the preference by the Well-Informed.
To get its beneficial effects always buy
the genuine manufactured by the Cali
fornia Fig Syrup Co., only, and for sale
by all leading druggists. Price fifty cents
per bottle.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08
THE WORKER MUST Be WELL

these
the
tie fails demand the sustain
to
certainly
by the of
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-07-08
Stearns' Wine of Cod Liver Extract

other medicine 1t checks hacking
enrhe the
vigor regular pleasure
chemists and be sTEARNs'-tN
The Batesburg advocate. [volume] (Batesburg, S.C.) 1901-1911, 1909-05-21
Won't Slight A Good FrieEd

IF ever I need cough medicine
again know what to get" declares
Mrs. A. L. Alley of Beals, Me-, for
after using ten bottles of DR.. Kings
New Discovery, and seeing its ex-
cellent results in my own family and
others, l am convinced it is the best
medicine made for Coughs, Colds
and lung trouble" Every one who
tries it feels just that way. Relief
is felt at once and its quick cure
surprises you. For Bronchitis, AS.
thma, Hemorrhage, Group, LaGripe
Sore Throat, pain in chest or lung:
its supreme. soc and $l.O0. Tria
bottle free. Guaranteed by Al
druggists.
The Batesburg advocate. [volume] (Batesburg, S.C.) 1901-1911, 1909-05-21

Horehound Mullen and Tar cures
that cough and cold. Nothing like
it in the world. Try it. Large bottle
Is cents.
Why suffer from LaGrippe. Take
one bottle of Horehound Mullen
and Tar and if it does not cure that
cough ask for your money back and
you will get it. Don't be deceived
by just as good medicine. Just use
one bottle of Horehound Mullen
and Tar, Mu-rays, and you will new
er take any other cough medicine.
All the ingredients of Horehound
Mullen and Tar are vegetable and
you can make no mistake in using it
for young and old. Try it. Only Is
cents. Ali druggists handle Hore-
hound Mullen and Tar If not send
your 25 cents direct to urray Drug
Co. Columbia and they wi send you
one bottle express paid.
The Batesburg advocate. [volume] (Batesburg, S.C.) 1901-1911, 1909-05-21
Lived I52 Years

VIM. Parr--England's oldest man
married the third tine at l2O. work
ed in the fields till l32 and lived 20
years longer. People should be
youthful at go James Wright, of
Spurlock, KY, shows how to remain
young. Il feel Just like a 16-year
old boy" he writes. after taking six
bottles of Electric Bitters. For
thirty years Kidney trouble mace
life a burden. but the first bottle of
this wonderful medicine convinced
me / had found the greatest clre on
earth" They're a godsend. to weak
sickly rundown or old people. Try
them, SOC at all druggists.
The Batesburg advocate. [volume] (Batesburg, S.C.) 1901-1911, 1909-05-21
EVERY OLD THING MADENEW

An old chair with small can of
L. & M. Home Finish Varnish Stain
Any old furniture with a small can
o. L. & M. Home Finish Varnish. A
kitchen floor, porch floor, with a
small can of the L. & M. Home Fin
ish Floor Paint. Old kitchen chairs,
benches. any old small things with
a pound or two of the L. & M. Home
Finish Domestic Paint. A carriage,
a buggy with about dollars worth
of the L. & M, Home Finish Car
riage ,rnish Paint. Porch furniture,
lawn swings, iron ratings with a
small can of L. & M. Home Finish
Porch Enamel Paint in all colors.
An old leaky roof made tight, with
a can of eclipse roof and bridge
paint. All old things made new
with these little cans of L. & M.
Home Finish Paints. Cost is trifling.
Be sure to get them from Holman
Cullum H'dw'e Co., Batesburg, S c.
The Batesburg advocate. [volume] (Batesburg, S.C.) 1901-1911, 1909-05-21
Woman a Promoter.

Western Texas is proud Of Mrs.
Anney McElroy Brett woman promo
ter. To-day she is the telephone queen
of the Southwest. She is president
of the Southern Independent Tele-
phone and Telegraph Company. and
president and general manager OF the
Brett Construction. Telephone ana
Telegraph Company These COM
panios, representing more than half
a million dollars. were organized by
her without dollar OF capital to
start with