Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-28
pie lighted with artificial light and sci
dom rise above them.
Mr.. Taft Is Inaugurated.

Mr.. Taft Is Inaugurated.
During the serving of the supplies
| for the inner man and the feasts of rea
| son provided by the speakers. there was
| a flow of wit that enIivened the evening.
| Many were the stunts that were car
ried out by the members of the club
and they shut out all dull moments
| from the oysters to the good night"
| An inauguration of President-elec
| Taft" which included some words of adj
! vice from his predecessor, an inaugural
| address and the administration of the
| oath of office. was one of the best DR.
| Henry HURT took the part of Mr.. Roose-
| welt Walter Penefield that of Judge
| Taft and Marshall o. Laighton of Chief
| Justice Fuller.
| The sketch was opened by an address
| by Mr.. Roosevelt to his successor, as fol-
| lows:
| by Dear Will: I am about to leave
the White House to return to my ma
| tive jungle, and. as farewell word.
would advise you to continue my poll
cies and to WELD with force and ven
| geance over the heads of malefactors OF
| great wealth, nature takers, undcsir-
able citizens and especially the members
| of the Ananias Club. this instrument,
| which / fashioned with my own hands
and which I now turn over to you as a
| symbol Of power and strenuosity.'
He presented 1.-THE big stick"
| Announces His Policies.
Replying, Mr.. Tafts double said:
The information which I shall give to
you in this speech is impaired in strict
confidence and is not to be released until
the 4th of March. after my formal inau-
guration has taken place at the Capitol
You all surmise what my policies will not
be. You all think you know who in my
| cabinet may be.
| II am in favor Of continued prosperity.
| I am in favor of an increase of salary
for the President of the United States
| and an appropriation for White House
| automobiles. / believe in corporations,
| because they employ men of corporal
corporosity; and l am in favor of the
| laboring men-aboring, just as ] am IN
| favor of the working man-workinS. l
myself have been a hard worker
Il am in favor of the passage OF law
| by Congress by the terms of which an
old man may be made new. l am in ia
vor of keeping the flag out in the Philip
pines just as am in favor of putting the
pill in the hole on the golf course. an in
| favor of keeping Porto Rico, at least as
stepping stone for somebody. just as
the Philippines afforded stepping stone
for me to the White House.
The Taft Cabinet.
I'm order to allay all further anxiety l
hereby announce the following members
of my cabinet:
ITO please both the strict and liberal
constructionists of our Constitution L
shall appoint two men as Secretary of
State, Senator Knox and Senator Spooner,
the former to serve when he is eligible.
the latter when he is not. For the infor-
nation and convenience of the diplomatic
corps, placards showing who is sitting on
the lid will be posted daily.
For Secretary of War, where so many
uniforms and SO much music are required
we will need a tailor and a fiddler and
as the latest executive order concerning
military clothes requires the English bob
bycoat, I have selected for this position
Senator Bobby Taylor.
For Secretary Of the Navy I have
chosen one who has proven his valor,
both in feminine and naval action, the
Hon. Richmond P. Hobson Of Alabama.
For Secretary of the Treasury-a man
has been found who has been able to
win distinction in the fields of politics,
finance and war, Gov. Edwin Warfield.
For Attorney General. the athletic
orator who at the last session of Con-
gress showed his power of debate and
innate ability of Marathon talking, Sena-
tor La Toilette of Wisconsin.
For Postmaster General / have sought
diligently for q man who, irrespective of
creed, color or previous condition, can
conclusively and collectively corner the
southern votes. whether of the cross
road or the cornfield variety, and for this
place no better name can be suggested
than that of Booker 7. Washington.
A Job for .Tillman.
For Secretary Of Agriculture a man
with the reputation of welding an in
Strument whose prongs pierce deeper
than a bayonet. I have appointed Ben
jamin r. Tillman because he will have
there ample opportunity to use the pitch
fork without becoming a nature faker.
For the Department Of Commerce and
Labor I have named two heads, who be-
cause Of their great ability and personal
friendship can manage their department
along harmonious lines-as commissioner
of corporations, Samuel Gompers, and as
commissioner of labor, Justice Daniel DO
Right.
Since the able defense of the secret
service in Congress by the Hon. Charles
E. Townsend / have decided to abolish
the Office of Secretary Of the Interior. as
land frauds and fraudulent congressman
have been sufficiently investigated, and
in lieu thereof l shall create a new office
censor of the press, to which l shall
appoint the Hon. Joseph Pulitzer of New
York.
Prefers the Golf Stick.
"And as for you, my erstwhile chum,
Theodore. ideal illustration of the ubiQuit-
Gus inquisitor, having received your earn
! est support in the past. and having now
reached the position where / need it no
| longer l shall hand your sacred relic, the
| big stick. to the president of our club. who
| is also the secretary of the Smithsonian
Institution, in order that future genera
| lions may see the bumps and scars there
| on. and, in its place, / shall establish an
tembem whose swing is longer and can
| be Therefore used at one and the same time
upon the heads of both bumbIepuppies
and mollycOddles, namely, the golf stick"
The make-belieVe Chief Justice Fuller.
| then administered the oath of Office, as
| follows:
do you solemnly affirm by the myster
| les Of the holy alliance that YOU will so
! conduct yourself in office as to bring
about the greatest good to yourself and
| the least benefit to the people; that you
will so construe the Constitution to
accomplish the end desired: that you will
strictly enforce all executive-made law
and such only: and do you further solemn
| ~ affirm by the slken robes of the Chief
shining bald head of the toast ma ster.
| by the scars on the big stick. and by the
holy statute of frauds, that you will
support. defend and maintain the coHst-
tuition OF the Ananias Club; that you will
serve p0sSum free lunch at the preS-
Dental receptions: that you Will seize
every opportunity to send a special mes
| sage TO Congress on every conceivable
subject and at the end OF Your admins
| tra,ion if the same has not been salts
| factory to the members Of said club, you
will having previously selected your sue
cessor. betake yourself to the shores of