davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Old Age.

Old age as is come i'm the orderly pro-
ctss of Nature is beautiful and maiest-
10 thing. The very shadow of eclipse
which threatens it, makes il he more
priced. 1t stands for experience. know
ledge, wisdom and counsel. That is
old age as it should be. But old age
as it so often is means nothing but a
second childhood of mind and body.
What makes the difference ? Veiy
largely the care of the stomach. In
youth and the full strength of man
mood II doesn't seem to matter how we
treat the stomach. We abuse il, over
work 1t, injure it. We don't suffer
rom 1t much. But when age comes the
stomach is worn out. 1t can't prepare
TO distribute the needed nourishment
TO the body and the body, unnourish-
ed, falls into senile decay. DIR. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery is wonder
ful medicine for old people whose
stomachs are ''weak land whose diges-
tlons are "poor." Its invigorating
effects are felt by mind as well as body.
1t takes the sting from old age, and
makes old people strong
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
A LUNCHEON
REVOLUTION.

Russell Sage should have monu.
ment erected to himself by his widow
The old miser educated all New York,
south Of Fulton street, how to be alb.
stemious. His midday luncheon
(when he had to pay for it, was a
section of apple pie and glass OF
milk On this repast he thriyed, re-
tanned his health and waxed rich. No
corned beef and cabbage in "hisn. "
No wines, no beer, no fat pastries,
nothing OF the feshpots. a million
young men are now initiating the old
man who spent SIS year for clothes
and left $40 ,0UU,000 for his wife TO
squander on people who used to damn
him as shinfint Mrs. Sage is taxed
higher than any other woman in New
York, and she working overtime to
reduce her fortune.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
No Councillors,

New Enslander, travelling on
foot through the Southern mountains,
studying the people, asked a man
whom he met to direct him to a GER
tain cabin at which he had been ad.
yised 70 stay overnight Going thar?'
said the man. We'll. Toms a first.
rater, take him just right. but he's
mighty queer"
What do you mean?" asked the
traveller.
We'll it's like this" and the man
looked at the stranger in a calm, i'm
personal way. He's De setting out
side, most probably, and he'll see you
coming; he'll take good look at you
and ef you don't suit him, he may set
the dog on you.
'Ef he don't, and you get TO talk
ing him, and say anything he don't
Just like, he may throw you down
and tromp on you. But ef you're too
careful in your talk, on the other
hand, he's liable to take you for q
spy and use his gun fust and listen
to explanations afterward.
buL II no use Trying 10 get Dy
without stopping" concluded the man.
with evident relish OF the prospect he
was opening up to the stranger "Ef
you was TO undertake that 'twould be
all up with you, for he'd think you was
proud and biggetty.
EFF you want to come out of the
mountain whole, don't go past Toms
cabin without stopping, whatever you
do"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
WHOLE HOG NOW
"CANNED."

1t was the boast of a great Chicago
meat packer that in his stock.yards
every part of the pig was utilized ex-
cept the squeal. Recently manager
of one of the rural plays wanted some
realistic pig squeals for his show, and
.-e accordingly gave contract TO the
required Lumber to phonograph deal.
er, who took a machine down to the
stock-yards, canned" the squeals, and
turned over the records to the show
manager Those who talk about the
extravaganza OF the present age
should remember that with the by-pro.
duct already mentioned, nothing now
goes to waste in the pork industry.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Rk1o-urIoN eAATTgR=D.
The Moral suaslon eeheme Clsn'.
Work on Jack Jones.


A little boy came home one tay
from school Ia a very bad humor. An.
other boy. Jack Jones. had given him
thrashing, and he wanted revenge.
oh said his mother. done tnirs
Of revenge, Willie. b kind 10 JACK.
Heap c.als OF fire on his head. Tacl
he will become your fr.sad.'
Willie thought he would t:y tais
method. So the next dag ct recess.
Just as he was buying lemon pie .or
luncheon. Jack appeared and said:
Lock here, licked you yesterday.
but didn't Civ. you enough. Now
I'm going TO lick you again"
And he planted hard blow on
Willie's little stomach.
Willie gasped. but instead OF strik.
ing back he extended his pie TO Jones.
Here" he said in a kindly voice.
"lll give you this. make you
present OF It,"
Jack, in glad amazement. fell uron
the pie greedily, and it had soon DIS.
appeared.
Gosh, it was good" he said. "U'ha;
did you give it to me for?"
because you struck ne" said TIC
heaper Of the Goals.
Instantly Jack hauled or and
struck him again. Now 20 and get
another pie" he said.-Ladies' Hone
Journal.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Her Capacity.

IF teeth do just as well without
rocve5?" she said to the dentist, "and
stay just as white and don't break
any quicker, why are the nerves put
there in the first placer"
I've often wondered myself" said
he. 81 don't know unless 1t is so you
can suffer the pain of losing them.
You'd be too happy, you know, unless
you underwent little suffering now
and then
"A little," she shrieked. you re-
member that tooth of mine last win
ter and how | came within an ace Of
dyiL- with the pain?"
y remember" said he, but you
have a great capacity for suffering.
I've seen other people lose four and
suffer less"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

Little Eleanor's mother was an
American, while her father was a
German.
One day after Eleanor had been
subjected to rather severe disciplin-
airy measures at the hands of her
paternal ancestor, she called her
mother into another room, closed the
door significantly and said Mother,
! don't want to meddle in your bust.
ness of yours back to Germany"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
A Sharp Retort.

My dear" said a thin little Brigh.
ton man TO his wife, this paper says
that there is a woman down in Dovon.
shire who goes out and chops wood
with her husband"
Well what OF it? think he
could easily do it if he is thin as you
are. l have often thought OF using
you TO peel potatoes with"
The thin man laid down his paper
with a sigh that sounded like the
squeak OF penny whistle.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
E<asperatinI.

From the dark kitchen there eman
ated series OF thumps and angry eE
carnations. Jones was looking fol
the cat
PA" called the son from the stair
way.
Go to bed and let me alone" blurt
ed Jones. I've just barked my shins.
"Pa!' insisted Tommy, after a mo
ment's silence.
We'll, what is it? Didn't l tell you
to keep quiet?"
Il didn't hear your shins bark
And the next moment Tommy was
being pursued by an angry sire with
hard hair brush.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Almost as Good.

Little lkey came up 20 his father
with a very solemn face.
"Is it true, father" he asked, that
marriage is a failure?"
His father surveyed him thought.
fully for moment.
We'll, key" he finally replied. "lt
you get rich wife it's almost as coed
as a failure"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Very SINGULAR.

That second speaker was a very
singular man"
There was nothing in his appear
ance to indicate singularity,"
But didn't you notice that when
he got up he didn't say the toast.
masters Introductory remarks re.
minded him of a story?"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Cave L.eonem.

Mountainside. Walter Cook of this
town has lion cub which he Is going
to train to do the work Of watch
dog. He proposes to turn it loose at
night TO guard his chickens.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
What He Wanted.

Small Boy applying for situation)
What kind Of a boy does yer want?
Merchant-A nice quiet boy that
doesn't use bad words, smoke cigar,
cites whistle around the office, play
tricks, or get into mischief
Small Boyer don't want no boy;
yer want goil. See?
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
COM e
OUT!

The poor little black and tan dogs!
How they have faded into obscurity,
unhonored and unsung. At one time
they were largely the fashion and
great ladies fondled them and were
proud in their possession. Now they
have been superseded by other varie-
ties. The other day We patted one Of
these pathetic creatures on the head
a deprecating wag of his tail. as to
say that we didn't quite know what
we were doing, but he thanked us all
the same. And yet of all the dogs
there be. there is none more intelli.
gent than the black and tan.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

The only kind of ethical passion
that greatly benefits the public Is
that which expends itself at first hand
in the richt condro of the individual
moved by 1t. and in the inspiration OF
those who come Immediately within
the sphere of his influence.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

David Lloyd George, chancellor OF
the exchequer, said in Albert Hall that
a bill would be introduced to give
women suffrag-; and, if the chance to
pass it was thrown away, it would be
entirely owing TO the lunacy of some
who thought they were helping the
cause by cleaning themselves TO seats
and breaking up meetings.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Not by the Sweat Of His Brow

The Knights had moved into a new
us.gAborhood, and Mrs. Knight was
wondering aloud at the breakfast-ta-
bic as to the occupation of certain
neighbor "Oh. ] know what he does,
mamma" said the bright-eyed four
year-old of the knight household.
"What?" asked mama. why, he
takes up the collection at church!".
The Delineator.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23
Double Charae. ANYHOW.

/.onla?
Powell guess So the doctor
charged me twice as much as
thought he would.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

Yes, ""''T t''r - ~-~''ne spring
lamb. declared roe butche,.
"Wh''' . .lg askol &c ca. ,ul
housewife.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

Landlord-I'll give you ten per cent.
off if you'll pay the rent tomorrow.
Tenant-Thanl, you. Now. suppose
you let me have that ten per cent
now and I'll pay it to you on account
to-day.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

This unparalleled offer to all new subscribers and
olG ones who pay all arrears and within
Sample copies free. Address: H' '0
LIE NOLO MBlAN, Bloomsbury Pa
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1909-09-23

gists or by mail. In / ,ull form, rs cents.
ELY Brothers, 56 Warren Street, New York
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

ter If you show me how you make your
pipes"
Il Gamma max a peep, SIR" replied the
lad. II ca only max a cuddle.''
"A cuddle! What's that, my hinney?"
Its q short peep" replied the boy, ''sic
as men and women smoke cot on"
'In give you a quarter If you show me
how to make that"
Giles yer quarter ~furst," was the reply.
The gentleman gave the boy the quarter,
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03
A Little Hasty.

Numerous complaints had come before a
certain public official in regard to the
quality of food served to the inmates OF
one Of the public institutions and he deter
mined to investigate for himself in order
to see If the matter really required atten-
ton.
Making his way to the particular build
ing in question Just about Inner time. he
walked straight over to where the kitchen
was located. At the very door he encoun-
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

tered two muscular looking men carrying
a huge, steaming boiler,
"Put that kettle down." he ordered
brusquely, and the men at once obeyed.
Get ME a SPOON he next commanded.
The man that brought the spoon was
about to say something, but was ordered
to keep silent.
Take off the lid,'' was the next com
mand; I'm going to taste It,"
The two men were utterly cowed by the
officials brusqueness and wonderingly
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

A gentlemen went into a pipemaker's
shop with the intention Of seeing the
method Of making pipes. The proprietor,
who was a ScotchmRn, had arrived from
Edinburgh a few weeks ago.
When the Philadelphia got in the shop
he found only a boy back Of the counter,
30 without more d he thus addressed
him:
well, my Gallant, IN give you a quar-
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

"Do you mean to say you call this soupY"
the official demanded. why it tastes to
me more like dirty water"
80 1t is, SIR" replied one of the men,
respectfully. w were just scrubbing the
floors."-UncIe Remus's Home Magazine.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

and he took a long pipe and broke a piece
off 1t, saying:
There, now, sir, that is the way 1 max
cuddles. "-Philndelphia Ledger.
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03
Big Blaze at ST. Anthony.

DIES MONIES, Ia, Oct. 2.-Fire early to-
day, from an unknown source, destroyed
half Of the business section Of st. Anthony,
Ia, doing damage which totaled al, 900.
The flames started in the postoffice build
inc
Omaha daily bee., 1909-10-03

II you nave anything 10 sell or trade
and want quick action advertise it in
The Bee Want Ad columns.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
NEEDED ADDITION TO
 PEERS WAREHOUSE
Its Capacity For Baled Hay Will be increased to 1900 Tons.

Work will at once be started on an addition to the A. J. Peters company warehouse at the west end of 7th street In fact, some of the material is already on the ground. The com pany has purchased from the Tempe Eand and Investment company two lots just south of the warehouse facing Sth street and an additional 70 feet wilt be added to the structure at once. Prob ably by this time next year the build ing will be further enlarged and will extend the full length of the block.
 This warehouse is one of the largest, if not the largest of it's kind in the val ley As it stands now it has a capacity of 1900 tons of baled hay and is full to the brim. That condition of affairs accounts for the addition which will have a capacity of 400 additional tons. Several years ago, the warehouse was a small affair but from time to time the increased business has demanded more room and several additions have been made
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
THE NORMAL BOARD ORDERS IMPROVEMENTS AND ELECTED A NEW LADY
 TEACHER. The Resignation of R. M. George Ac- cepted and the Place Offered
 to an Eastern Man.

The Tempe normal school board held an important meeting Thursday after noon with the new members of the board, Lloyd Christy present. The board was reorganized with A. J. Pet CTS. secretary. A number of matters were taken under advisement in the way of improvements and several of these were ordered Architect Fitz- hugh appeared before the board and was instructed to make certain alter ations in the new building. not provid- ed for in the original plans. Certain cement floors will be placed and some changes in the plumbing wil be made, all tending to better the structure.
 Several improvements in the main building were also ordered. The audi tOrium will be divided into class rooms and a number of necessary repairs will be made in the basement of the build ing MT. Christy took an active interest in these changes and Improvements and likewise was much pleased with the contemplated improvements in the kitchen of the dining hall. He was given an opportunity to meet the stu dents at the noon assemblage and ad dressed them briefly.
 A new teacher was elected to fill the chair of domestic science and domestic arts. She is Miss Lillian D. Francis. who for three years has occupied a similar position in the Phoenix schools. She will assist in the selection of the necessary equipment and will also be present when this equipment is in stalled. She is highly recommended and has proven herself very proficient in her line of work.
 The position made vacant by the resignation of Prof. R. M. George was offered W. H. Cooper. a graduate of the Upper Iowa university but as yet it is not known that he will accept the offer.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
PERSONAL NOTES,

Clarence Keebler some time ago with the Pacific Creamery company. return ed to Tempe Thursday after an ab- sence of nearly a year. and has taken a position with the creamery again.
 Eleogio Matos and Francisco Mer- ande were sent to the county jail for ten days each yesterday on a disorder ly charge.
 Wiley Hansen returned yesterday from Silverbell. While there he con cluded the sale of number of mining claims at very satisfactory figure.
 Milo Hostetter of Shreve, H., who spent five months of last winter in Tempe, died at his home on the 24th of last month.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
CHURCH NOTICE.

"A vote for the Tempe bridge is the subject to be discussed Sunday morning at the Baptist church by the pastor, R. l.. Creel This service will be held at II o'clock. the regular hour for preaching. Sunday school at 10 am, R. A. Windes. superintendent There will be no evening services at the church, but all are requested to attend the baccalaurate services at the normal school.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05

Our lemons are spelling and we wish to close them out. Come and get them at cents per dozen. F. S. Bald win, Tempe.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
PROPOSALS FOR SUPPLIES TERRITORIAL PRISON.
For Twelve Months From July i, 1909,
 to June 30, 1910.
Office of the Board of Control,

Office of the Board of Control,
 Phoenix, Ariz.. May 22. 1909.
 Sealed proposals will be received at the office of the Superintendent of the the Territorial Prison at Florence, Arizona, up to and including June 21, 1909, at 10 o'clock a. m., for furnishing supplies to the Territorial Prison, in such quantities as may be required (more or less) for the fiscal year be- ginning July 1, 1909, and ending June 30, 1910.
 Bids must specify the brand, size. quantity, quality and other distin- gushing features of the articles pro- posed to be furnished.
 All supplies must be of good quality and subject to the inspection and ap- proval of the Superintendent of the Prison.
 All bids should be based on the de- livery of full weight at the prison and no charge for containers.
 Bidders may make proposals to fur nish any or all of the articles in the list furnished by the Secretary of the Prison, but bids for articles in differ en subdivisions must be separate and under separate cover.
 Proposals must be sealed and ad- dressed to the Secretary of the Board of Control at Florence, Arizona, and endorsed, Proposals for Supplies, Ter ritorial Prison," and with the name of the subdivision bid on. All bids must be in triplicate.
 All bids must be accompanied by a good and sufficient bond in the sum of ten per cent of the total bid with two securities, to satisfy the Board that should the bid be awarded to the bid der he will enter into q contract with in ten days with bonds in amounts to be fixed by the board.
 Payments will be made monthly, as provided by law.
 The Board will open bids on Mon day, June 21, 1909, at the office of the Superintendent of the Prison at Flor ence, and all bidders are requested to be present
 A complete list of the supplies need ed will be furnished upon application, by the Secretary of the Prison, or the
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
TEMPE ENJOYS A
 STEADY GROWTH
As Is Indicated by Frequent Changes in Property.

The steady growth of Tempe is in- dicated by frequent realty changes in town and country property. Hardly a day passes but some transaction in Tempe real estate is made.
 Yesterday through the agency of An drew Nielsen, the Tempe Land and Investment company sold to J. C. Dyer, lots 29 and 30 in block 52. This prop erty lies between the Farmers and Merchants bank and the Lukin Cash store.
 MT. Dyer is a recent arrival here from Indiana and contemplates build ing a business house on the property in the near future. He may decide to go into business himself here but if not will put up the building for rental pur poses.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
MOMENT0US OCCASION
 PROPERLY CELEBRATED THE CLOSE OF STUDY HOURS AT
 THE NORMAL.
The Young Ladies Indulged in an En-
 thusiastic Outburst.

The citizens of Tempe were awak ened from the legarthy produced by Thursdays heat at about 7:30 that evening by an unearthly noise that would have put to shame the best eff forts of a Chinese band. Much specu- lation was indulged in as to the cause thereto. It was at first not known whether it was a fitting tribute being paid to some bridle couple, or was in the nature of an advance celebration of bridge victory. From whence it came and who or what made it was a mystery for a little time but it soon developed that the young ladies of the Girls hall were responsible for the out break. Though a most decorious party of young people on most occasions, they broke away from all restraint Thursday evening and, it developed, enthusiastically celebrated the close of study hours at the normal.
 Mrs. Blakely. the preceptress of the hall, was expected home from Phoenix on the evening train. The young la dies gathered together and marched to the depot to meet their preceptress. They were armed with every conceiv- able object that would make a noise and about the only thing they over looked was the citys fire bell.
 Upon the arrival of Mrs. Blakely the music was turned loose and the march to the dormitory taken up, The din continued with only occasional stops for rest Going in the house every evening for nine long months at seven o'clock and half past seven, is rather a trial to energetic young people and that fact that for a few months that rule will not have to be observed, was felt by the young ladies to be an oc- casion well worth fitting recognition.
Arizona republican., 1909-06-05
MEMORIAL SERVICES.

For the third time announcement is made regarding the memorial services of the Odd Fellows at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning. This time it is stated authoritatively that the services will be held at the M. F.. Church, North. and the sermon will be preach ed by Rev. Fisk. Too many different members of the order who thought they knew when and where these services were to be held were respon- sible for the frequent published notices of the services