The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-21
DRIFTWooD
For a light breakfast the Eskimo eats one candle,

This world is full of trouble. this world is full of pain; I never leave my umbrella, but what its sure to rain. In Switzerland the big hats which have of late had so much vogue among women of all nations are to be classed as bicycle wheels on the railways and are to be carried in the baggage car 1 Cheer up; this rain is merely the i usual vernal equinoctial storm; spring will soon get on her feet and come full of sunshine, and her arms full of | roses.
 Phil Armstrong thinks 1t odd that Lincoln (Neb.) State Journal It doesn't worry the. average man half as much about getting his pants wrinkied as 1t does getting his face that way, after he reaches fifty.  A man is but a little thing in the midst of the objects of nature. says sometimes be made to feel pretty small, we would add.
 Stone walls do not a prison make nor Iron bars cage, for women mur- ierers these days get offers for the stage.
 Millionaire New Workers are not con- tent with automobiles that go like a streak of fabricated lightning, but now are clamoring for airships There seems to be no satisfying 'em. Par son Snowball says Folks bettah stay on dis heah yearth tweli hit am time foh de good Lawd toe call 'em home" A dimple in a woman's chin is the place a man ofttimes falls In.
 There are some actors welded to their art who the world wouldn't care If they would obtain an immediate divorce.
 The dentist meets many a bowling swell.
 You can't judge all men by their clothes, policemen and postman and elevator boys for instance. However, the elevator boy does rise in the world one must admit.
 Ruth Bryan Leavitt in obtaining a divorce from her husband. didn't seem to care for his company, in fact de- rided to Leavitt. (Leave it)
 Because he twisted the tail of mule negro youth is In jail at Tallulah. La, under a charge or manslauyhter. Another negro was on the mule at the time and was thrown to the ground and killed, the negro at the business end of the mule escaping injury. We believe that boy would twist the tail of the British lion if he had the chance.
 Mir. Roosevelt's family will spend the time in Italy while he is in the jun gles of Africa, that is all except Theodore Junior, who is to go along act of staying all these fierce beasties.
 President Taft will visit Salt Lake City in August What lot of policy himself solid with each Mormon and his half dozen wives.
 Emperor Nicholas has abolished the drummers will have to be marksmen. There are some drummers we have heard in amateur bands however, who could make noise enough to put half dozen armies to flight.
 John D. Rockefeller is talking of financing an expedition to the north pole. Blk says there are lot of newspaper men he would like to send there if he thought there was no way of getting them back.
 There is nothing quite so genuinely comfortable as to pull off pair of new tight shoes that hurt your feet and sit on the back porch with cool sweet zephyrs blowing through the holes in your socks and no prying females to- butt fin and disturb your tranquil thoughts.
 Some women may be able to keep a secret, but they can never keep sec ret the fact that they have secret, or to refrain from whetting the curiosity of everyone with whom they come in contact in regard to the same.
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 Says The Charleston News and Courier. "Since the beginning of the new administration our hens are lay ing twice as well as formerly"
 If Colonel Roosevelt should be elect ei Speaker of the House we presume there would have to be an iron barri- cade put up between his desk and the others.
 A London doctor says, the average didn't he just say "cat" and let if go at that?
 Twenty years each in the case of the a dead one after all.
 Water. water everywhere. in fact naught else to drink.
 Statistics show that something less than five per cent of the recorded mar riages in this country wind up in the divorce courts. All the country generally speak of him now as Colonel Roosevelt, which Is accounted for by the fact that he Is one-half Georgian, according to The Washington Herald.
 wonder why the old poets lived fin an attic?"
 Because they wouldn't descend to the writing of soap and breakfast food advertisements no doubt"
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 The Days of Long Ago. Oh the days O long ago, oh the days
 O long ago,
 Oh the days of uncombed head. and un-
 washed face and rag bound toe. How I'd like today to hike me to the
 paths I used to tread. In the olden golden days of long ago
 that now are dead How I'd like to climb a tree again a
 huntin' birds eggs there Where the old maw bird would peck
 at me and my wits frum me would
 scare.
 How I'd like to shy a rock again at Who was always calling to me in that
 aggraYatin' way.
 How I'd luv to hunt for rabbits with
 my good dog on the run, Where we jumped across the clodS. gee
 whiz--it seemed the mostest fun. Oh a thousand things l did then in
 thousand ways of joy When I was just a barefoot little
 tousel headed boy.
 How I'd like to sit once more upon the
 plain old fashioned seat. Near my little country Swee etheart,