Evening star., 1909-05-02
BY Allen Jones

n JOneS principal characters OF this
anecdote are DR.. Henry. the
author of "A History of Eng
land. and DR. Macknight, celebrated scholar
and commentator.
DR.. Macknight caught in heavy down.
pour of rain while on his way to his church one
Sunday morning, and when he arrived at the
vestry he very wet. Every means
used to dry him out in time for the service: but
as the hour drew DR. Macknight became
nervous, fearing that he would not be in fit con-
dition to appear before his flock
oh, | wush / was dry he walled DO
you think I'm dry eneuch noo,"
Patting him on the shoulder DR.. Henry
piled in his most soothing manner. " Bide wee.
doctor. and ye'se be dry eneuch when We get
into the pulpit"
Here are all the classification of wit. except
that it is only mildly severe Here is keenness.
spontaneity and brevity. There is no thought
full preparation. no leading up to the point; the
victim himself made the opening baited his
trap and then walked into it.
Who Was Head of the House
ONE more comparison should establish the
~ Scotsmans S claim to wit and fix upon lrlsn
pleasantries the label of humor.
A Scot minister of the Gospel, while making
his usual rounds among the members of his
flock. came to the door of house where his
gentle tapping could not be heard tor the noise
of contention within.
After waiting little he opened the door and
walked in. saying with an authoritative voice.
81 should like to know who IS the head OF this
housel
.Weel. sir" said the husband g if veil sit
doom a wee. we'll maybe be able to tell We; for
are Just trying to settle that point.
This like the anecdotes already repeated. and
like all legitimate Scottish anecdotes possesses
all the characteristics of wit: while the follow
ing Irish anecdote, like practically all legitimate
Irish anecdotes, possesses none of the character
istics of wit, but all of the qualities of humor.
Long Out of the Sea
Mr.. GAYNOR, an Irshman celebrated for
A'A his good humor, was dining one Friday
with friend. and fish was the only meat served.
Gaynor particularly fond of haddock. and
seated himself near fine specimen. His olfac-
tory nerves, however soon made him aware
that the fish was not too fresh He first low
cred his mouth toward the head of the fish, and
then his as If conversing with 1t. The
woman of the house, perceiving his peculiar
motions asked him whether he wished any
thing.
Nothing. replied Gaynor. nothing at all.
madam / was merely asking this haddock
whether he could give me any news of my
friend, Captain Murphy. who was drowned last
Monday; but he tells me that he knows
nothing of the matter for he himself hasn't
been to these three weeks.
The Irish Bull
THE Irish bull, for which the son of Erin has
ever been renowned. belongs to an entirely
different class. While it possesses the spon-
taneity and the brevity of wit, it is lacking in
wisdom. an important characteristic; and it
certainly lacks the thoughtfulness of humor
Irish bulls like Irish humor, have been grossly
counterfeited. and poor Paddy has been made
to shoulder breaks that even an 1rishman would
not dare to make. A number of legitimate Irish
bulls are still to be found. however and one or
two will be sufficient to show the quality OF the
pure Irish article.
An Irish doctor, who had just returned from
the West Indies, said in describing the climate.
1T is most internal. Had lived there until
to-day should have been dead of yellow fever
two years ago
Another doctor, without observing the bull.
agreed with the speaker. and declared that the
climate must be very unwholesome, because a
vast number of people died there.
Very true remarked another physician:
but if you will tell me of any country where
people do not die. l shall go and end my days
there Tomorrow
Thus in a very ordinary conversation two
outrageous bulls are recorded. but all that
were perpetrated in the Irish House of Com
mons. when Ireland still had her Parliament.
would fill volume.
Soles and Bald Heads
Turing the discussion of the leather tax, at
- the time of the war with France. the Chan
cellor of the Exchequer declared that " IN the
prosecution of the present war every man ought
<1,x ,Icrss