Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-11-04
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Stella-Did he say he loved you In
so many words? Bella-Yes, seven
teen pages.-New York Sun.
rs she making him a good wife?'
We'll, not exactly; but she's making
him a good husband" d."-London An
swers.
Bluff look upon you, sir, as ras
cal. Bff-You are privileged to lool
upon me in any character you desire
to assume-Vogue.
He-You don't know how nervous
I was when l proposed to you. She
And you don't know how nervous |
was until you did so.
Mrs. Church-You say she was a war
correspondent once? Mrs. Gotham
Yes, she was secretary of a woman S
club.-Yonkers Statesman.
"Who gave the bride away?" Her
little brother He stood up right in
the middle of the ceremony and yell
ed, 'Hurrah, Fanny, you've got him at
last!' Tit Bits.
But you spent enough money on
me before we were married" protested
his wife. True, my DEAR" replied her
husband 81 had it to spend them
Chicago Daily News.
Mrs. Sauers-I don't consider mar.
| riage lottery. Do you? Mr.. Sauers
No! If a man draws a blank in a
lottery he can tear it up and take an
other chance.-Puck.
Visitor-Can you read the past?
Fortune Teller-Certainly; that's my
business. Then l wish you'd tell me
what it was my wife told ne to get
for her."-Boston Globe.
What is your idea of happiness?"
ITO be able to spend my own money
just as If were going to turn in an
expense account when l got home"
Chicago Record-Herald
She offered an explanation of her
fearful mood. 1--WE been to a we'd
ding" she said. Il always cry more
at wedding than 1 do at a funeral.
It's so much more uncertain"
Patience-She says she married him
to reform him. Beatrice-And he says
he was fool when he married her.
well, she says she hasn't reformed
him bit."-Yonkers Statesman.
He-I wonder if we can get along
all right. She-Certainly. We can
buy the auto with the money father
left me and you will surely make
enough to pay for running it, don't you
think?
Leading Tragic Man-Did you see
how l paralyzed the audience in the
death scene? They were crying all
over the house! Stage Manager-Yes,
they knew you weren't really dead
rit-Bits.
Al used word in speaking to
my wife which offended her sorely a
week ago. She has not spoken a syl-
liable to me since. B-Would you
mind telling me what it was?-Fleig-
ende Blaetter.
"1s there any difference in the mean
ng Of the words nautical and ma.
'ine'T asked Mr.. Malaprop Not
much" replied Mrs. Malaprop. zone is
| cinnamon of the other."- Chicago
2ecordHerald.
Am l the first girl you ever loved?"
Your question pains me-" Forgive ,
me-" Yes; l had fattered myself
hat there was nothing amateurish
bout my love-making. ng."-Louisville
Jourier-J ournal.
Mrs. Peachblov-Why does your
husband carry such tremendous
mount of life insurance when he's in
uch perfect health? Mrs. Flicker
N, just to tantalize me. Men are nat
rally cruel-Life. I,
Jack sent me a handsome mirror a
Or my birthday" ooh, that accounts y
Or it." Accounts for what?" Yes
erday he asked me if a woman ever I
OF too old to be pleased with a look o
lg glass. s."-Boston Transcript. So
mo, Mr.. Sparks, l can never marry
OH. You have no consideration for
le feelings of my mother" why,
hat makes you think that?" You
ung your hat over the keyhole be-
IRE you started to propose to me- u
leveland Leader. \
Undertaker-You will, of course,
de in the first coach with your
other-in-law? Widower-Is that alb
lutely necessary? Undertaker-Oh,
IS, certainly; it is the correct thing
idower-Then all l can say is that
y whole days enjoyment is spoit,
English Clergyman-And when you
i've in London, my dear lady, don't
II to see St Paul's and Westminster
,bey. Fair American-You bet; I'll
tile those off sure; but what I've
en- hankering to see, ever since was
ee-high to a grasshopper, is the .
urch of England Punch.
She-Oh, Jack, do excuse me for
tting here so late. You poor fell
Y, you've had to wait an hour for
;. He-Oh. no, it's all right. I've
ly just come. She SHARPLY What.
that's the way you treat me. is
II I'd come at the time agreed
I'D have made me wait a whole
ur. (Pouts Boston Transcript.