The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-05-28

Council chamber at night Chair
man Whirling Eddy presiding. Com
mittee OF SO in session. members In
evening aessa x rSse ~ sv sbous stage
Cigars and cigarettes IN evidence
r. whirling Eddy-The Committee
aw-of Eifty-aws--wiii be IN oroah'
DE-. Csrsxtensiens-I arose. Mister
Chairman, for Inflammation. In an
kwering der roll call. do We say pres
r, WAisli.s Eddy-If both present
and guilty--aw--I should say that you
should 90 state.
Dr. CarextensIcns-Den.M Mister Chair
mans, I move der suspension or der
r.. whirIing Eddy-Unless there are
be dispensed with. hear no objec-
lions. There are no objections. Now.
my dear fellahs. I'm mighty glad TO see
--aw-that is to say, Fiorai Phil. has
beseeched US TO take charge-aw-of
this whole deuced traction predicta-
ment---aw. Quite an honah. don't you
think? The mayah--tha, is TO say.
Floral Phil-aw--has another stupen-
duwous mattah on hand that Is absorb
ing his entire attention. as IL were:
something most momsntous. he advises
your MISUNDERSTANDING, may say.
that will stagger humanity when he
dtscloses II in It's entirety, don't you
he il doing to raise Detro1 TO the 80
mark. You know that we have the
Cadillac 30 and the Chalmers Detroit
ment rate 80. So he has selected a
choice group=of- the-best- brains
and bank accounts In the entire
rash. foolish people of our metropolis
from the impending dangah of public
ownership. To be sure-aw1it will
club and golf most shamefully while
serving the city and shielding our dear
brothah and that prince OF good fellahs
Jersey Hunchon. from the connscatory
madness of the mob. You know how
dsucedly disqualified these vulgar re-
formahs are TO grapple with this over
declare to you that not one OF these
public ownership advocates ever took
on q dress suit. let along the taking on
o. the great burdens burdens OK naa run Eallsbs a
you will be immeasnrably relieved to
know that we are wen rid of Oneof
Myown and dngT ira nso who a havs
this committee in intellect and patriot
isp--the very idea They were never
qualified. anyhow, the Detroit CLUB
Let us now TO our arduous duties 10
which--aw--I verify believe we have
been divinely appointed. We will first
listen to a report from that famous
surgeon 10 the best families. DR..
Carextensions
Gas DR.. Carextensions arises TO re-
T.. r.
backs IN chair and turns paie--Dr-c-
rushes 10 his side and examines his
heart. Hears peculiar ticking.)
Dr. Carextenslons-Fery serious. By
golly. I'll be Obliged to oberate. tGets
out Instruments
". whiriing Eddy--Hold on. Doctah,
what's this going to cost?
DIR. Carcxtcnsfons--One tousand dol
r. whiriing Eidy--That's excessive
Doctah The last time you operated
nnl eha
DIR. Careateasioss--Did oberate up
on you alretty?
y. whiriing Eddy-Sure. you did
Dr. CsreAtensions-By goiiy. that
remind, me were | left my watch
n. wbiriing Eddy--wer. you better
tell me right now what the charge is
Dr. Carextenstous--Tut tut. my poy
you are not strong enough yeti tPro-
ceeds with his reportD In der vurst
tee il solid against any furder oxten-
sions of der nifty Led us oberate NIT
der choice crowd we now have; none
ton you, we're could we bick oud anod-
der xitizen qualified TO association NIT
die glorious company OF experts
zegondly, der committee would bestow
ubon Committeeman Sharley Dean a
double cross line before his new gom-
mercial center In consideration OF his
good vurk In biting municipal owner
shtb in der solar piexus. We likewise
award George Barbour der free use OF
der private car "Outlandish" for der
rest OF his natural life, ven not en-
ragged I'm eiocutioning der committee
0uon der evils of ledding der PUBLIC
<>ast into desc gomplikatydid matters.
~ In order. Mister Chairmans. der au-
thor OF dis communication would sug-
cheat that an owl car be designated for
hio eGgsclusive use for night calls TO
fho bedside of wealthy patients. In
oohc1usion- der committee would
APPRECIATE II as an eggsprcssiOn OF
wood faith IL q subway could be eggsca-
vnko6 underground from Harmonic hall
~ Harper hospital whereby the com
u>6n people could be sure OF der bad
40 leaving der rich und educationed
fConffnaed on Page E1evenJ