davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
SERMONS AND SLEEP.
A Comforting Theory in Regard to
Doing in Church.

Comforting Theory in Regard to
Doing in Church.
The French scientists are the most
consoling people in the world. They
are always working out some explana-
ton that affords consolation Here
comes one with theory about sleep
ing in churches that will be a relief to
both pastor annd sleeper.
According to this French psycholo-
gists theory, persons are inclined to
"doze" in church because of the de-
vout attention they pay to the services.
I'm endeavoring to fix every word in
their minds they put themselves into
sort of trance. 1t is about the same as
what is called self-hypnotism, and the
more closely one follows the minister
the more likely he Is to find himself
unable to remain awake.
For good many years the pert par
agraphers have had a great deal to say
about church sleepers, and usually the
preacher has gotten the worst of the
argument. All manner of devices have
been suggested by the humorists as
aids to lengthy sermons, even TO the
placing of electric needles in the cush-
ions to awaken the sleepers at the pres
sure of button by the minister. But
now that the inclination to slumber in
church has been accounted for upon
purely scientific grounds, the remedy
for the evil will probably be abated in
a practical way-perhaps by encourag-
ing the employment of pastors who are
incapable of holding ones attention at
News.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

"Loogy yuh, Brudder Tump!" said
Parson Bagster while the congregation
was assembling in Ebenezer chapel
II un'erstood yo' to nomernate dat yo
would bring our urrin' Brudder Boraa
Smith to de revival yuh tonight"
Il done did muh best to complish
Brother lump, holding forth an OBJ
ject which markedly resembled a dark
complexioned oyster. "but dat ar gam
blin' man, our urrin' Brudder Boray
Smith, was sawtuh reluctant an handy
wild his razzah. / dess nach'ly
couldn't bring de gen leman pussonly
but dis yum am one Nv his ears!"-
PUCK.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
FAMILY COUGH SYRUP
Cures Any Cough in Five Hours.
NEW PRESCRIPTION HERE.

Here is given the most effective cough prescrip.
ton known to the medical world. 1t is mild
laxative, too and this is what body needs when
suffering with cough and cold on the lungs. A
cough cold indicates poisons in the system,
causing inflammation and congestion. Nearly all
cough syrups relieve but make the trouble worse
by their constpating effects. This prescription
not only relieves quickly, but it cures any cough
that is durable. Get one-half ounce fluid wild
cherry bark one ounce compound essence cardiol
and three ounces syrup white pine compound. Mix
in a bottle Take for acute cough bronchitis
twenty drops every half hour for four hours.
Then one-half to one teaspoonful three or four
times daily. Give children less according to age.
A few hours treatment will cure and heal the
throat and lungs of all but consump ives. Cut
this out and give it to some friend who may need
ton.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Visitinu Day.

Mrs. A. was more shocked that
amused when in reply to her question
who was at Sunday school this morn
ing" her 4.yearold daughter said
Everybody but Jesus"
why, my dear" said Mrs. A.,
wherever did you get such an idea;
HE was out visiting this morning"
the little lady confidently said.
Daughter" said Mrs. A., who told
you such a story?"
Nobody didn't tell me. mother, but
they just kept singing It over and over
again; Jesus is calling, He's calling
to odaY' '"-Snccess MagaZine.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

A lady in Clayton. N. j.. was caring
for her hair when the tonic exploded,
badly burning her and furnishing more
excitement in the neighborhood than
croupy baby The pure food people
should look into this, for as long as ex-
plosive hair tonic is sold the bald man
is sitting on "A confined volcano.-Min-
neapols Journal.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Waste Of Nj nterfal.

In process Of time 1t was observed
that the multimillionaire phiIanthropist
had ceased giving costly library build :
lngs to towns and cities.
why is this, Mr.. Canaggy7" the re-
porters asked him.
Young men," he said. what is the
use of building great houses for IL
braries when all a man needs for an
eduCa ton is Ave feet of books?"
Whereat they marveled. but they
could not answer him.-Chicago Trib-
une
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Iesnon from the Past.

Horatius was holding the bridge.
"The boss of the ward" he gasped.
told me this was an easy job. and
wouldn't have anything to do"
The discovery of the fact. however.
that he had been tricked into believing
the position to be merely. Il saloon
keepers perquisite had only the effect
OF making him fight all the harder to
hold it-Chicago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Merely POstDOued.

Mrs. Hewligus (having freed her
mind)-Why don't you answer me, if
you can?
Mr.. Hewligus (helping himself to
more meat-It's unwholesome to quar-
rel while eating dinner, madam. I'll
have good and plenty to say to you
after a while.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Left n Name Behind Him.

Daniel-Hello. Jim! Who be yew
a-digging that ole for?
Jim-Old Lawyer Skinner-'e died
yesterday.
Daniel-Oh. what complaint?
Jim-Not a word O. complain int. Fam
lily rather pleased than otherwise
Ally Sloper's.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
A Good Listencr.

The Mistress-Katie, you should not
talk so much.
The Maid-No, ma am.
mo; you should understand that it
is your place to listen
81 do that, ma am"
II never saw you when you were,
then"
mo, ma'am; you never saw me
when | was listening because I was
on the other side OF the keyhole,
ma'am.-Yonkers Statesman.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
His Sum ner Game.

summer game my fancy suits
1t Is the game of picking routes.
All. often has ambition scared
To routes that could ne'er afford.
I study folders. and the trains.
And find rare pleasure for my pains;
And vet. 'tis strange, l never use
The routes that thus pick and choose.
cleveland News.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

The young man bent forward
wait a moment Herbert" SAID
Amelia. producing an implement a few
inches long, shaped like a tennis rack.
ct, made of silver and specially pre-
pared silk gauze, and holding 1t up be-
fore her lips. Now. Herbert"
Then they took their first disinfected
kiss.-Chicago Tribune
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
What He Wanted.

Say" said the country resident to
the city clerk in the furniture store.
Il want to look at one of them there
information bureaus. | understand
they tks latest things out."-Detroit
Free Press.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

Stiff neck! Doesn't amount to much,
but mighty dsagreeable. You've no
idea how quickly little Hamlins Wiz
ard Oil will lubricate the cords and
make you comfortable again.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
1t Might he Worse.

Restless Roger--lt always makes me
sad, old pal, to think that this earth 10
two thirds water.
Sandy Pikcs-O, cheer up Suppose
tho rest OF 1t was soap instead of land.
Ally Sloper's.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

Always shake in Aliens Foot Ease, a powder.
II cures hot, sweating, aching, swollen feet.
cures corns, ingrowlng nails and bunons. At
all druggists and shoe stores, 25c. Don't accept
any su bstitute. Sample mailed FREE. Address
Allen S. Olmsted, LIE Roy, n. Y.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

"AS to this polar discovery" said the
distinguished naturalist. u have only
one regret"
And that is"
THAT the ship in which Peary sailed
for the arctics bears the name of a
tropical explorer and wild animal kill
er."-Chicago Tribune.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

r'he other morning we saw a man 80
years old going into a Doctors office.
1t seems to us that If we were 80 we
would have enoush.-Lacon Ull.) Jour
nal.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

you had rheumatism in your right
loes for years and were cured OF 1t In
an instant? How
by being accidentally mixed up in
a train wreck. My right leg Is a cork
leg now"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

HOWARD f. BURTON - Assayer and Chemist.
~ Leadvtlle, Colorado Specimen prices: Gold.
Silver Lead. ST. Gold, Silver, 75c; Gold, SOC: Zinc
Copper 81 Mailing envelopes and full price list
sont n spplicst ion. Control and Umpire work 70.
licited. Reference: Carbonate National Bank.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
In New England.

Mr.. Bauld-What do you want to be
when you grow up, Johnny?
johnnie want to be musician.
Mr. Bauld-A musician! Why?
Johnnie-Yes. stree; | wanter be a
pied piper Just think of all the pie
he must get,-Boston Herald.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
LAZY Liver

'I find Cascarets so good that / would
not be without them. ! was troubled a
great deal with torpid liver and headache.
Now since taking Cascarets Candy Cathar-
tic feel very much better. shall cer-
tainly recommend them to my friends as
the best medicine have ever seem"
Anna Bazinet,
Osborn Mill No. 2, Fall River, Mass
Pleasant, Palatable, Potent, Taste Good.
Do Good Never Sicken. Weaken or Gripe.
10c, 25c, Soc. Never sold In bulk. The genu-
Inc tablet stamped { c. Guaranteed to
cure or your money back. 9b
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

Contributed by a depraved outsider)
lion then sprang into view.
And roared, There's no use fyin!
I'm going to make a meal of you'll"
But he caught the lion lyin
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

Remember, my son, there is no short
cut to learning"
20, yes, there is, cad. All you have
to do nowadays is to read five feet OF
books"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
One on the Old Man.

"Grandpa, how many letters in the
alphabet have more than one syllable?"
Let me see. Tommy; a. b. C. d. e,
+"
You didn't learn your letters very
we'll when you were a boy. did you.
grandpa?"
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14

A theatrical star isn't bright enough
to illuminate the stage.
Heppner gazette. [volume] (Heppner, Morrow County, Or.) 1892-1912, 1909-10-14
Pettit's Eye SaIve for Over 100 Years

has been used for congested and in
famed eyes, removes film or scum
over the eyes. All druggists or How,
ard Bros, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
INQUIRIES ABOUT BURGLAR

Women in Bangor and Troy Write to
Hyde Park
Hyde Park, June 1.-Sheriff Stevens
has received letters from Bangor, Me.
and Troy N. Y, asking about the mys-
terious burglar whose body was bur
led in the old village cemetery We'd
nesday. Botn letters are from WON
en- whose husbands are missing.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
THE BOSTON SUNDAY HERALD
Issue of May 80 Will Certain Special
Memorial Articles.

II you want ell that is hest in a
newspaper you will read The Boston
Sunday Herald
Tne Sunday Herald has more good
reading for every member Of every
New England family than can be
found in any other Sunday newspap-
er. From editorial page to junior sec
ton. it reflects the best that is In
New England. 1t is reliable. 1t is
clean 1t is educative. 1t tries TO be
all that great newspaper should be.
The Sunday Herald of May 30 will
contain two great Memorial day arri.
cles.
Ida M. Tarbell has written a story
of the Fruit of the Apple Tree of APP
pomattox-the disbanding of Lees
army. She has marshalled great ar
ray of facts and put life and spirit
into them. Everybody who is inter
ested in the G. A. r. and in the trag-
edy and pathos of the Lost Cause will
read this Memorial Day article. As
a companion piece TO this article is a
short story-Old Uncle Sammie, it is
called. 1t has been called, too, the
best Memorial Day story ever writ
ten.
A page is devoted to peculaiarities
and genius of men who have become
famous because they are different"
its a good, wholesome article for
those who like to try new things
There is another African hunting
yarn and good tale of coon hunters
and coon hunting in Massachusetts.
You can always find in The Sunday
Head a complete history of the world
where history is making, from Ire
mont street to Timbuctoo. There is
an article or two every week by the
best music critic in the country.
Philip Hale. The news and features
of the theatres are in The Sunday
Herald in detail. with special atten-
ton to new plays. Sports events are
covered by the best informed and
most competent staff of sports writ
ers in New England. The Sunday
Herald is the best Sunday companion
of New England
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
ASSAULT CASE IN STAMFORD
Road Commissioner and Propert,
Owner in a Mix-up.

Road Commissioner and Property
Owner in a Mix-up.
Frank Wardwell, road commission
er in Stamford, is now ON bail of
$500. said to have been furnished by
Deputy Sheriff Patrick Morrissey
charged with assault on one Henry
Ebert. The trial, and it is to be a
jury trial, too is set for Tuesday.
Wardwell with Patrick McGraw
was engaged Wednesday in fixing up
the roads-the annual spring process.
They were using the road scraper and
gang of men were working with
them.
In the course of Sneir work they
came to the property of Ebert who
has had long standing grudge, it is
claimed, against Wardwell. In turn
ing the scraper around, property of
the said Ebert was encroached upon.
Ebert hustled down to the edge of the
property and expressed volubly and
emphatically his opinion
The combined vocal efforts of Ward
well to McGraw were not sufficient
to offset what Ebert was saying, so
McGraw decided to fight physically in
stead of vocally. This ARRAY had pro-
crossed but short distance; in fact
it was during the first round when it
is claimed Wardwell swung a right
hook to Eberts head. The fight
ended.
Later constable William Sager ar
rested Wardswell for assault and
still little later $500 bail was ac-
cepted for his appearance next Tues
day at a jury trial.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
War Among the Eye Doctors

An act of the last legislature rela-
tive to the practice of optometry in
his state is stirring up sesentful feel
ings among travelling opticians. The
law requires that after July /. no per
son shall practice optometry in Yer
mont without first passing a satisfac
tory examination before the state
board of examiners, or receiving a GER
tificate of exemption. Those entitled
to a certificate of exemption are the
persons that nave been continuously
engaged in the practice of optometry
in this state for more than two years
prior to the passage of the law The
fee for examination is fifteen dollars.
but the candidate must prove among
other things that he is a graduate of
a standard school of optometry main
tanning a two years course.
1t is the last named requirement
that bars several of the travelling OPP
ticians from taking the examination,
and drives them out of business in this
state for time at least. There are
several of the profession that have
been travelling through the state for
a dozen or more years, bearing an eX-
cellent reputation, and doing highly
satisfactory work, that are not grad
yates as the requirements demand for
taking this examination. We wonder
how many of the stationary" practit-
toner's are graduates. But That does
not seem to matter If they have
practiced continuously in the state the
two years mentioned, they are exempt
graduate or no graduate; while the
practitioner whose business was with
out the state during a part of each
year, although he may have practiced
ten times the number of years must
now attend scnool of optometry or
keep out of this state.
| If the intention of the legislature
was to protect the public from tray
cling humbugs, the intention was
laudable. But what shall we say
when we find there is a clause insert
ed stating that this act does not an.
ply to person that does not pretend
to practice optometry, but who sells
ispectacles or Eyeglasses from regis
tered optometrists or as merchandise
from permanently located places oil
business?
1t looks as if the smaller towns
were to be deprived of the regular
visits of optometrsts of good reputa
ton and be subjected to the cajoline
and opportunities of shysters selling
merchandise from permanently 10
Gated places of business London
derry Sitter.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
All subscriptions payable in advance
eeANA G. BewE, Editor and Publisher
OUR LOVELY SEWERS

Some newspapers are anXiously
suggesting a boycott of the goods or
the burlington Rendering company.
Way? Is the company violating any
law? And If so, is their only punish
ment coming from boycott?-Hard'
wick Gazette.
AS far as diseased beef is concern
ed. the Herald does not understand
that the Rendering company is ac-
cused of violating any law There is,
however, some likelihood that it may
be permanently enjoined from pollut-
ing the waters of Lake Champlain
with the refuse from its plant,
temporary order to that effect having
been issued. Just why this company
is selected and restrained when
hundreds of other companies are
equally guilty, and perhaps more
hurtfully. is not revealed. Certainly
the time is coming when the almost
universal deposit of sewage and 9th
er filth in all waters inhabited by
game fish will be positively regulat-
ed, if not prohibited.
1t is mere, careless, slovenly un-
willingness to-spend the needful mon
ey, as rule, that perpetuates this
nuisance of turning our streams into
main sewers and our lakes into cess
| pools. Progress was made along this
| line at the recent Legislature; more
is in view Vermont will have to
clean up or quit trying to be sum
mer resort--Rutland Herald
The Herald might have gone farther
without being extravagant Even ii
there were no fish to be protected
and there won't be in a few years
unless radical methods are adopted
wouldn't it be wiser, cleaner and
safer to keep filth and poison out OF
our streams and lakes? There are
few things more attractive than clean
pure streams and lakes and there are
few things more repulsive than filthy
scum covered water.
It has been found impossible after
repeated attempts to get legislation
TO stop putting sawdust, dye-vat waste
paper and pulp mill chemicals, etc.
into our public waters. but it does
seem as though we might get laws
preventing further outrages of this
kind, where new mills and factories
are established, The sawdust evil is
gradually growing less owing to the
disappearance of timber and the going
out of commission of the old water
power mills. New mills nowaday are
largely steam mills and not located
On streams so that the sawdust abuse
is lessening.
1t is not so, however, with other
kinds of mills From year to year
valuable water powers are turned
to new uses and the people OF the
state ought to insist that in utilizing
these powers the streams be saved
from contamination. They are
state asset, important not only from
a scenic point of view, but as factors
in the health of the communities
through wnich they flow. If we can
not bring back what we have lost let
us at least try to save those that are
rs yet unspoiled.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01

c. w. Stedman of 70 Berlin street,
Cleveland, Ohio, under date of Janu-
airy LIST, 1898, writes: Last summer
was taken very sick with the piles
while on my way down the Welland
Canal. | bought package of HILLS
PILE POMADE and it did for me all
that you claimed for It," Such words
Of praise as these, backed by the fact
that we guarantee this Pile Pomade is
inducement enough for you to give It
a trial. The price is $10O.-W. L. Go
kay's Pharmacy.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
WANTED TO DIE
Arthur Benoit Arrested for Drunk, De-
sired to Imbibe Poison

Burlington May 2S-Arthur Benoit,
arrested on charge of intoXication
by the police Wednesday developed
certain tendencies toward committing
suicide. Benoit went to Rev. ]. NJ.
Cloarec with the intention of signing
the pledge. While in the yard, he eX-
hibited a sudden desire to drink from
bottle which bore a poison" label.
Mgr. Cloarec took the bottle away
from Benoit and the latter went in the
direction of the lake declaring he
would drown himself. The police
were notified and arrested Benoit.
The bottle he evidently intended to
drink from is said to be a certain kind
of liniment one of the drugs in it be-
ing chloroform. A half pint bottle OF
spirit" was found on his person.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
MOB SHOT MURDERER
Fired Into Texas Jail and Shot Man
il Was After.

Abilene. Texas, May 29.-Unable to
overpower the guards at the Jail here,
or to break down the walls after bat
tering at them for more than an hour,
a determined mob fired into the Jail
with shot guns and reyolvers, killing
Tom Barnett, recently convicted of
numbering Alex Sears, prominent
and wealthy cattleman.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
PERFECT CONfIDENC E
Bennington People Have Good Reason
For Complete Reliance


DO you know how
To find quick relief from backache;
To correct distressing urinary ills;
TO surely cure sick kidneys?
Just one way-your neighbors
know
Have used Doan's Kidney Pills;
Have proved their worth in many
tests.
Here's Bennington testimony
John Grennan, living at III Putnam
street, Bennington, Vt, says. Il suf-
fered for a long time from pains in
my back and disordered condition OF
my kidneys. ! used many remedies
for the trouble but continued to grow
worse, until finally Doan's Kidney
Pills were brought to my attention.
and / procured them. In short
time | was benefited so greatly t1at
continued their use until l had taken
I the contents of two boxes at which
time was entirely free from my trou-
bic" Statement given Dec. 2lst, 1909
Time is the Test
On August 4, 1908 Mr. Grennan says
Il am pleased to re-endose Doan's
! Kidney Pills They cured me OF KID
ney trouble some time ago and have
always brought me relief since when
ever a slight recurrence of the trou-
BILE has appeared"
For sale by all dealers. Price 80
cents. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States
Remember the name-Doan's-and
take no other.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
FATAL FIREWORKS
Premature Explosion Blows of Head
of SPECTATORS.

Rome, May 29.-While a fireworks
display was going on at Sorso, Sar-
DINA. sky bomb burst prematurely
on the ground. The heads of two
spectators were blown off and forty
persons were injured Some of the
latter had to undergo operations. The
pyrotechnists wife was injured fatal.
ly. He was arrested.
The Bennington evening banner. (Bennington, Vt.) 19??-1961, 1909-06-01
1o5 NEW LOCOMOTIVES
Big Order from Hartman Gives
Work to Hundreds.

Philadelphia, May 29-Work for
hundreds OF extra men at Baldwin's
locomotive works is assured by the
contract Just secured from the Harri-
man lines for los new locomotives
This is the FIRST large order received
since the recent industrial depression
and in the opinion OF Vice President
o. Johnson it indicates returning
prosperity.