davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
STATE HELPS THE WORKER

trifling, and the benefits to the COM
munity are incalculable. 1t greatly
lightens the burden of poor-law ad-
ministration, and secures provision
for the times of sickness and incapac.
ity which can be claimed as right
by the worker, and does not come to
him as a dole from the state or as q
charity. 1t assuredly keeps many
homes intact which otherwise must
inevitably be broken up, and by bring.
ing employers and employees constant
ly together in the administration Of
the insurance societies 1t helps to pro.
mote that mutual understanding which
is the surest guarantee for the main.
tenance of industrial peace. So sue
cessful has the system of insurance
become that there are many schemes
in the air for it's extension, so As to
provide against unemployment and
for widows and orphans. Whatever
may come Of these the existing scheme
deserves the closest study ON the part
Of all who are interested In social 70.
form.-Forum.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

on a German battleship, because he
had lied to the kaiser, and he knew If
a battleship landed us it would cause
international complications, so he
thanked the kaiser, and said we had
rather walk, or wait until the presi-
dent sent his private yacht for us,
and then we skipped for Hamburg, and
got on board floating wash tub
that looked like an ocean steamer, and
when the vessel sailed Pa found we
only had money enough to pay for
steerage passage and have enough left
to hire hack when we got to New
York. Pa said he had always wanted
to 60 in the steerage, and the cow
boy said 1t looked good to him, If there
were any steers there, and told Pa
l would be glad to 60 in the steerage
If they would let me steer the boat
and he said, "sure, you can hold the
tiller and till all the way over"
Well, we got settled in the steerage,
and for six days and plenty of hours
we lived on weiners and rye bread
that we purloined or embezzled from
the baggage of some German emf
grants, until never want 10 meet
sausage again, and Pa says he knows
he will have hydrophobia when he gets
to drinking water again, and he made
me promise that if at any time he
should froth at the mouth and bark
that he was to be tied with ropes and
sent to dog hospital.
The weather across was so good that
that you couldn't get sea sick, and so
we were compelled to keep that sau-
sage in our systems. We went up on
deck when nobody was looking and
went into the smoking room where
the gambling was going on, and the
cowboy sat into a poker game with
his last ten dollars, and Pa and
walked around the deck.
A woman had a bull dog tied with
a leash. and when the dog saw Pa
he seemed to know instinctively that
Pa was full of dog sausage, for he
growled and Pa started to rum That
was where he made a mistake. A
man who has killed lions by kicking
them in the stats, and caught tigers
by the tail and swung them around
until they got dizzy, never ought to
be afraid Of small bull dog. but Pa
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

grow hair on the stubbornest bald
head in two weeks time. The words:
ASK Me" were material proof of the
hair restorer's claims.
Gentlemen. it is not merely an in
stance of heir expectant,' but an in
stance of heir apparent to the CROWN"
said one of the seven little men who
had developed into wit under the
exhilaration of second growth OF
hair.
Men who had been bald for 10, 20.
some 80 years, and had long forgotten
the price of hairbrush, gazed into
one another's eyes with dawning hope
and encouragement, and the seven lit
tie men went about publishing the
good news broadcast, wined and dined
by an interested public.
Certain established manufacturers
of proprietary hair medicines circulat-
ed the report that the human letter
heads were not, and had never been,
bald, but that their heads had been
shaved, leaving only the device, ASK
Me-"
The seven little men holly denied
this aspersion upon their honor and
their badness, and the wittiest of them
struck off pamphlet entitled: "A
Crown Seven Years Without Heir
which sold like baseball extra.
1t was now that something unfore
seen occurred. The discOverer and
sole possessor Of the marvellous hair
restorer was accidentally injured on
the head by falling mortar, and lost
all recollection of his great secret. Fol-
better security he had told no one OF
the chemical formula of the reStora
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
HE RETURNS HOME

lost his nerve and started to make q
get away, and the dog dragged the
young woman all around the deck,
cause she had the leash fastened to
her wrist, and she yelled and the dog
got Pa by the clothes, and as the
young woman passed me on the first
lap, sliding on the deck on her stom-
ach caught hold of her foot to hold
her, and just then all the deck hands
and the girls parents and the officers
of the boat came along and they
grabbed Pa and held him and let the
dog chew him, and they uncuffed me
from the girls foot, and the father
was going to kill Pa and the girls
brother had me by the neck, and then
an explanation was demanded.
Pa told how we were walking along
and the dog growled and he ran, that
was all. Then they asked the girl
about it, and of all the colossal liars
that ever was, she took the bakery.
She said she was seated in her
steamer chair, dreaming Of loved ones
at home, when the bald headed old
man came along and began to mash
her. She said she tried to avoid him
but he insisted on knowing who she
was, how much her father was worth,
and which pocket he kept his money
in. She said she gave him evasive
answers, and then he snatched a
chatelaine bag on her wrist, and began
to drag her towards the railing, and
she set her dog on him, and then the
boy who was evidently in league with
the aged robber grabbed her by the
foot, and no doubt was trying to steal
her diamond buckle, and she yelled,
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
LETTER-HEADS
(Copvright. by Shortstory Pub. Coz
Bv DON MARK LEMON

tive, and for the same reason he had
not placed the formula in writing, and
the seven little bald-headed men
gasped when they learned the true
state of affairs and realized the predic-
ament in which they were placed.
They must now go through life with
the device ASK Me-" written across
their heads by natures indelible hand,
unless they possessed the courage to
have it removed hair by hair by the
electric needle. or-ignoble resort
shaved their heads frequently, like so
many Cinnamon.
One of their number-the wit-sud-
denly arose and left the room where
they had gathered to discuss the situ-
alton. A few minutes later it was re-
called that he ha | boosted Of having
in his possession a vial of the precious
hair restorative, and his six friends
arose and hurried after him.
But the wit had aroused his strap
ping wife and boys to the exigencies
of the situation, and safely, behind
barred doors, he coolly applied to his
swap uOCl al VI l1lO A1AA ~
GUS hair producing fluid.
From his window he could see his
late companions-in-ad advertisement gath
cred on the sidewalk looking vistfully
and enviously at his door ahd he
pitied them from the bottom of his
heart. But there remained only suf-
ficient restorative to grow one full
head of hair, and if any one headed
hair he did.
He rubbed into his scalp the
precious drops of golden liquid and
wiped his fingers on his chin.
Friends can always be had" ne
meditated thoughtfully, "but hair once
! gone returns no more!"
One by one his late companions dis
persed, as they realized the utter flu
tility of protest or appeal under the
circumstances, and the wit remained
locked in his room for week, at the
end of which period he sailed forth
with luxurious growth of silky red
hair, such as he had not possessed
even as boy.
But he found his friends lighter
hearted and more forgiving than he
had expected. They had discovered
that by letting the device ASK Me-
grow to a good length it could be skill
fully brushed and parted to represent
full head of hair, and this discovery
had softened their hearts toward their
more fortunate companion.
The discoverer of the formula is a
the present time being tenderly
watched and guarded by secre
league of bald-headed men, for his in
terest is also their interest, and in the
words of the president of the league:
IF memory should again re-light hel
extinguished torch in the mind of this
genius, fame and fortune will fine
their way to his lodge, though it were
in a trackless Wilderness"
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

The advertisement appeared but
once in the Male Help Wanted" col
umns of a morning paper. It read:
SEVEN SMALL, NEAT, BALD-HEAD-
ed men will be paid handsomely for a
brief engagement. No soliciting. Burke,
room 427, Fox Bldg.
The elevator boy at the Fox build
Ing was a colored lad, and his stove
polish grin gradually encroached upon
his ears as he lifted cage after cage
full of neat little bald-headed men to
the fourth floor. They came in such
numbers that it would seem that every
wife, mother or sister who had neat
little bald-headed man about the house
had polished him up spick and span
and sent him forth to answer the ad-
vertisement.
BY noon of the following day the
number fell off to an occasional ap-
plicant who would descend from the
fourth floor looking greatly disappoint-
ed. The favored seven had been
chosen and a notice to that effect post.
ed on the door of room 427.
Two weeks later there appeared
simultaneously in various sections OF
the city seven dapper little men, who
no sooner removed their hats than
there was disclosed to view a device
more striking than the poets classic
Excelsior" On the shining crown oil
each little mans bald head, written in
a new growth of silky hair, were the
words:
A X
Ii E
The public Immediately became 8
smiling Interrogation point, and it was
learned from these human letter-heads
that sometime during the following
month there would be placed upon the
market hair-restorer warranted tt
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
Cuticura Thus Proven Pure and Sweet

CutICuCa nus proven FuTe ana 0WcSI.
A New York friend of Cuticura
writes:
my three year old son and heir,
after being put to bed on trip across
the Atlantic, investigated the state
room and located box Of graham
crackers and box Of Cuticura ONT
ment. When a search was made for
the box, it was found empty and the
kid admitted that he had eaten the
contents of the entire box spread on
the crackers. 1t cured him of bad
cold and l don't know what els~."
No more conclusive evidence could
be offered that every ingredient of Gu
ticura Ointment is absolutely pure,
sweet and harmless. If it may be
safely eaten by young child, none but
the most beneficial results can lie eX-
pected to attend its application to
pected to attend its application to wen
the tenderest skin or youngest inlant.
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp. Sole Props, Boston.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
Humor in Public Men.

The statesman who can privately re-
lax and warm himself by the fire of
genial talk is ordinarily better fitted
for his work than the one who Ike cps
himself perpetually tense. But huluor
overdone or misplaced is fatal to men
in great office Not to judges alone is
Bacons counsel applicable, that In
their public appearances they should
be more learned than witty."--New
York Post.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
More Than One.

A young fellow, whose better-half
had just presented him with a pair Of
bouncing twins, attended church one
Sunday.
During the discourse the clergyman
looked right out at our innocent friend
and said with thrilling eloquence:
Young man, you have an important
responsibility thrust upon you"
The newly fledged dad, supposing
the preacher alluded to his peculiar
home event, considerably startled the
audience by exclaiming: Eyes, have
two of em."-LiverpoOl Mercury.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
Deafness Cannot Be Cured

by local applications they cannot reach the dis
eased portion OF the ear. There Is only one way to
cure Deafness and that is by constitutional remedies
Deafness is caused by an inflamed condition OF the
mucous lining OF the Eustachan Tube. When this
tube Is tnfamed you have rumbling sound or TIM
perfect hearing and when it is entirely closed. Deaf
Is the result and unless the Inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored to its cond
ton hearing will be destroyed forever: nine cases
out OF ten are caused by Catarrh which is nothing
but an nhaned condition OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case OF
Deafness Caused by catarrh) that cannot be cured
by Halls Catarrh Cure. Send for circulars. free.
F. j. CHENEY x CO.. Toledo. O.
Sold by Druggists. 75c.
Take Hairs Family Pills for constipation.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

for our government, and he was glad
the crew on this boat had not been
guilty of any indignity to Pa, or "the
cherub,'' which was me, as he would
be sorry to have to report to his friend
Teddy, who served with him, the cow
boy. in Cuba. that any indignity had
been offered the government.
Then the girl who had told about
me and Pa robbing her, got on her
knees in front of Pa and said, 20, kind
sir, forgive me for have lied to these
people. You did not insult or annoy
me, and crave your pardon"
Pa said, Cali right, little one, knew
you were lying all right, but couldn't
guess the motive"
And then they released Pa and me.
The cowboy secured a big stateroona
with the money he had won, and said
when they came aboard they had been
shown to some place down cellar
which didn't seem to be first class, and
our baggage was brought up, and then
we began to eat food, and the pas
sengers treated us all right, and Pa
had a talk with the girls father, who
is a capitalist from New Jersey, and
told him that there was millions in a
project to utilize the skins of hippopota-
muses. from the Nile, in making COW
ers for sausages, in place of the pres
ent sausage skins of commerce, and
the man said he had good many
irons in the fire but he wouldn't mind
taking flyer of a million or so in the
project of making sausage skins of
hippopotamuses hide, and Pa is going
to his office in day or two to organ
ize the "American-Africa International
Hippopotamuses Hyde Sausage Cover
Congratulated" and now we are
at home again, in dear old America,
with prosperity staring us in the face,
rushing into business involving mill
ions, the first day we arrive.
Soon you will never order sausage
unless the cover is stamped with the
name of Pas company, in gilt letters,
and capitalists who want to get in on
the ground floor, in this great enter
prise, will have to hurry.
o, this is the greatest country on
earth, with more suckers to the acre,
on dry land, than any country in the
world can show.
Walk up and get your stock in Hip
popotamus Sausage Skin Company,
and push, but don't shove.
Business is picking up, Pa is to be
president, the cowboy treasurer, the
father of the girl will be the angel,
and by gosh, come to think of it. I
guess will marry the girl.
Copyright, 1909 by w. G. Chapman.)
Copyright in Great Brittany
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

them Pa was rowing ambassador, and
only two days before dined with the
German emperor, and that settled it.,
and they all began to kow tow to Pa.
On further questioning the cowboy
said that the ancient and honorable
ambassador was now in the study Of
airships, and that he had recently pur-
chased ten or fifteen million dollars
worth of ships in various countries,
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

What makes you think that man
would make detective?"
Because it some natural to MIN to
wear SLOUGH hat and white neck
tie"
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

MILTON DAIRY CO.. ST. PAUL. MINI.
Are heavy cream buyers. Get their prices
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

Women like to talk of the days
they were single and had a good time
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

Raps at Faith Cure.
Says the Philosopher of Folly: "The
thing that faith cure has cured most
people of is faith in the faith cure" ~
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

PILES CURED IN 6 TO Il DAYS.
PAZO OINTMENT : guaranteed to cure any case
of Itching. Blind. Bleeding Protrudinx Piles %
6tO IA days or money refunded sc.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

except we first give ourselves
ray.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
SNAP FOR JIMMIE.

"Oh, Jimmie, our pas been appoint
ed postmaster"
Good! Now l won't have ter put
any stamps on de letters sends
youse!"
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
E-RU-NA

For Cramps In the Stomach Of Six Years'
Standing.
81 was troubled with cramps in the
stomach for six years. tried many
kinds of medicine, also was treated
by three doctors.
"They said that had nervous dys.
pepsia. took the medicine for two
years. then ! got sick again and gave
up all hopes Of getting cured.
81 saw testimonial Of a man whose
case was similar to mine. being cured
by Peruna, SO thought would give il
a trial. procured a bottle at once.
and commenced taking it.
81 have taken nineteen bottles. and
am entirely cured. believe Peruna
is all that is claimed for it."-Mrs. J.
c. Jamison. 81 Marchant ST., Watson.
vile, Cal.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

SHIP VEAL POULTRY BUTTER EGGS
to G. l.. Bradley. Minneapolis, MINI.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
One Slam.

One Slam.
Vaudeville Dancer-When do you
60 on?
Vaudeville Singer-Right after the
trained cats.
v. D-Goodness me! Why don't the
manager try to vary the monotony Of
his acts?-Cleveland Leader.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14

From the blackmailer's viewpoint,
keeping secrets is paying business.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
CHILD ATE cUrIcuRA OINTMENT.

Spread Whole Box Of 1t on Crackers
Mot the Least Injury Resulted.
The enterprise. [volume] (Harlem, Mont.) 1899-1926, 1909-04-14
The INSIGNIA,

Take HANS Family Pills for constipation.
Evening times-Republican., 1909-07-13
HARD FIGHT CERTAIN IN CON.
FERENCE COMMITTEE OVER
SCHEDULES.
coNFERERs DISPOSE OF
MINOR POINTS FIRST
Much Time Expected to be Consumed
On Lumber TarfT-House Members
Determined to Fight for House Rates
Senate Loafins While Committee is
in Session.

Washington. July 13.-when the
conferers on the tariff bill began work
today 1t was with the knowledge that
amendments to the lumber schedule,
over which contest was certain,
would be reached before adjournment.
The house members expected to make
a strong fight for dollar lumber" !"
which was defeated in the senate
In view of the fact that the lumber
amendment will require great deal
of deliberation, It is likely that after
the discussion is continued for a time
the whole subject will be put over until
another day and the conferees will dis
pose Of minor amendments. The con-
ferees have decided to clear up the
disputes over matters of little import
ance before becoming entangled over
really serious differences.
When recess was taken for luncheon
the first reading Of the bill for con-
sideration OF amendments had proceed
ed about half way thru the flax or linen
schedule. Practically all the disputed
amendments were passed over
Evening times-Republican., 1909-07-13

a son was born. They seemed happy
and when few weeks after the birth
of the boy, the father unaccountably
disappeared the community was
shocked.
He left no word as to why he went
away or where he was going, and all
efforts to find him failed Some time
later his wife heard he had heen
drowned in the Johnstown flood, and in
June. 1892, she married Samuel Van
Horne of Bloomsbury. Two children
We're born to. them.
Van Horne recently got into criminal
trouble, and has since been in Jail
while his wife and children, who now
live in Hemlock township, have had to
struggle for enough to eat
To the wife's intense surprise Tag
gert appeared yesterday. He told her
he had heard she was in trouble and
returned on that account, otherwise he
would not have come back. He also
explained that he never knew why he
left her; that he apparently lost his
senses When he regained them ne
learned she had been married and he
resolved to remain away. Since then
he had travelled all over the country
He offered to take her and her chill
dren away to some place where they
are not known. and she agreed. Van
Horne, consulted in Jail, agreed to
this,
Evening times-Republican., 1909-07-13
WRIGHT IN FAST FLIGHT.
Attains Speed Of Forty
Miles Par Hour

Aeroplanist Attains Speed of Forty
Miles Per Hour.
Washington, July 13.-Orville Wright
last evening made a successful flight
in the Wright aeroplane at Fort Myers,
Va, remaining in the air five minutes
and thirty seconds. During this time
the machine attained the exceptional
speed of about forty miles an hour and
circled the parade grounds half a
dozen times, a total distance of about
three and half miles.
After keeping crowd of nearly a
thousand expectant persons, including
a number prominent in official life,
waiting for an hour and a half on ac-
count of unfavorable wind conditions,
the aeroplane started on its fight at
1907 p. m. The aviator concluded not
to prolong the trial because the motor
OF the machine, which had Just been
repaired, was not working perfectly.
Each time the aeroplane circled past
the starting point the spectators
cheered
A strong breeze prevented the
Wright brothers from starting the
aeroplane Immediately after it was
brought from the shed at $3.50 and
they awaited more favorable conditions
before attempting flight. They ex-
amined the machine carefully and
calatted with prominent persons who
had gone over from Washington to
witness the trial. Among them were
Count Won Bernstorff, the German am
bassador; Mrs. Nicholas Longworth,
and Secretary Of the Navy Meyer.
Evening times-Republican., 1909-07-13
WHOLE CROWD DRUNK

Doctor and Woman Who Murdered
Latter's Husband, Barker J. 3. Say
Ter, Intoxicated 1t Time, as Well as
Woman's ReIatives-AiI Are in Jail.
Watseka, ILL.,, July l3.--This section
OF the country is still greatly excited
over the killing Of J. B. Sayler, vice
president Of the First National Bank,
of Crescent City, by DR.. w. r. Miller.
On the day Of the tragedy when Say
ler was absent from home, 1t is al
legged that Mrs. Sayler, Miller and
John Grunder father of Mrs. Sayler,
and a resident of Oklahoma, who was
visiting his daughter, and Ira Grun-
der. brother of Mrs. Sayler. had been
drinking. This statement was made to-
day by Ira Grunder, who gave himself
up to the sheriff. Grunder said he had
been overcome by the effect of drink
and was sound asleep when the shoot
ing occurred
Miller both the Grunders, and Mrs
Sayler. are in JAIL No move to obtain
bail has been made so far Miller is
held on a charge of murder and the
others as accessories. William Sayler
brother Of the slain man, Is credited
with quieting the crowd at Crescent
City which talked Of wreaking mob
vengeance on Miller and Mrs. Sayler