Omaha daily bee., 1909-11-21
AMERICAN MEN ACQUIRING
Do Not Know the Rudiments of the
Gentle Art.
WHY THEY LOSE THE PRIZES
Painful Roast for American woOers
Handed out by an Educated
woman with some Ex-
perience.

perience.
one OF the contribution to the New York
Independent, drawn out by the discussion,
why Educated Women DO Not Marry"
comes from Amanda Saepe Quaesita, who
is vouched for as "a woman Of high char
acter and position" The writer's expert
ence with American men as lovers has not
not been fortunate or happy, and the
reason for it, as set out below, Is calcu-
lated to puncture the masculine ego:
1 nave been asked in marriage a normal
number Of times, In most cases by men
whom l liked and who were eligible
enough. And yet they were in every case
absolutely out Of the question when CON
sidered as possible husbands. l, like the
writer of the article, am a college gradu-
ate, with a doctors degree from a large
university. l have known many men, and
have been genuinely fond of them as com
rades in work and recreation. 1 think 1
have been more intimate with men in some
respects than with women, for in my
branch of work / have often found them
more companionable intellectually than
women. But one does not marry for the
sake of intellectual discussion. One can
have that without marriage, and as a
sutton the American Of my acquaintance
is a distinct failurel lie does the main
thing; he proposes (at least in my case he
has done so), but with no marked courage,
romance or charm; and unless a woman
is very anxious to marry in the abstract,
there is little temptation to fall in with
his wishes.
The Essential Art.
To illustrate my own point more clearly,
let me describe my courtship experiences
frankly. l recall five occasions when the
question has been put to me by men whom,
in a certain fashion, I liked. The only one
who made love to me in any strict sense
was an interesting but impossible foreigner,
who tried to persuade me that when he
had become a diplomat we could rule in
a foreign salon together! 1 heard of him
later as a bank clerk, and have since lost
track Of him entirely.
Two others were college professors, in
teresting after a fashion, but with no social
experience, absolutely without accomplish
ments in any but their own subjects, and
both prone to monologues in conversation
which sent me into a doze. 1t may be
asked why I liked them at all, and why
they should, without encouragement, have
asked me to marry them. 1 do not know.
Lbl tSl fanny 4 dll no tOQuGlt Out L venture
as an explanation that in the first place
they wished to marry someone; in the
second place, they found me an eligible
person In looks. family. behavior and do
nestle economies; and thirdly, they mis-
took my genuine interest in their profess
sional activities for a sentimental leaning
toward them as possible husbands.
Even then, II they had stuck to their
point and shown a certain recklessness in
overcoming resistance, ] am sure they
would have gained my respect, even though
not my affection. AS it was, the lady
like suhmissiveness with which they took
their dismissal. and the briskness with
which they began to court the next girl
on the list excited nothing but amusement.
Below the nda
The other two were professional men,
college bred, and one had a further record
Of scholarship behind him. But each in
his separate fashion was quite out of the
game from the start. l will pass over
details of plainness Of face and meanness
Of stature, for, after all, those are second
AIRY matters. The main difficulty was,
that in every possible respect I was their
superior. conceited as that may sound.
They said this themselves, and they were
quite right. I was more accomplished,
moro travelled. more socially experienced
more versatile; and their enjoyment OF
my company consisted largely in sitting
back to listen to my words, with a fas-
cinGdon not unmixed with terrorl I ad-
vAnced the conversational topics: l invented
the games; | sang the songs; 1 read the
books and reported their contents; and
while l protest that l did not also pro-
pose and tried to prevent them from so
| I,Ipy 1a,tlad Fh, ,,,.ett,p 90 v,a+-t
mony as I had decided every other, and
they nude no further appeal, knowing
that It would be useless. l liked these
men, too, and like them still. They were
nice brothers, who could be easily man
AGED. But as the editorial in the hide
pendent remarked, Men marry, after all
for love" / add, go do women. And the
timorous affection of even a lovable man
who dances to her piping is not war.
ranted to win a woman of spirit. I'm
educated women will admire these men
because TO them they seem remarkable
They DO not seem remarkable TO a woman
VINO is as much or more enlightened than
they, and such a woman will not marry
a man unless he IL at least her equal, and
seems to her more than her equal.
some GIarinE Faults.
All this may seem like the e~gotistic ar
fectatlon of a vain woman, II ] do not
hasten 10 modify what has gone before,
The criticisms here made against men are
distinctly aimed at American men. As Mrs.
Anna Rogers pointed out in her essay in
the Atlantic Monthly on Some Faults Of
American Men" and as Prof, Munsterberg
had said before her. in his chapter on
women in American Traits" the Ameri-
can men are not culturally on a level
with the women. They do not play, sing,
paint, keep abreast OF literature, or have
an intelligent interest in social matters.
They leave It all to their sisters; and
while do think they try consclentiously
TO get married. they spend little attention
on the problem OF making themselves at
t~ractive to a cultured, active and indie
pendent woman.
She is ahead OF them, She knows II
and they know II, and when she asks
l them CandidiV TO name one good reason