davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
HAVING FUN WITH A BANKER
Practical Joke That Doubtless VA
More Appreciated by the Player
Than the Victim.

Councilman F. A. Drew is fond Of
playing practical Jokes on William II.
Lee, president of the Merchandise.
clede National bank. Mr.. Drew was
for years a director in MI. Lees bank.
While the bankers were waging
their recent war upon prohibition, Mr..
Drew late n night rang up Mr.. Lee
ut his home and represented that he
was a reporter assigned to get Mr..
Lees views on the situation.
Mr.. Lee complained somewhat bit.
terly on being called out of bed at that
hour Of night to give an interview, but
finally got warmed up to the subject
and for 30 minutes pictured the DESC
lation that would result in st. Louis
II Missouri went dry.
Let me see," said Mr.. Drew at the
conclusion of the interview, you are
Mr.. William II. Lee. whisky man,
aren't you?"
NO." snapped Mr.. Lee, II am Mr..
William II. Lee, the banker"
oh" said Mr.. Drew. alphabetically,
II am very sorry. but | wanted to
talk to Mr.. Lee the whisky expert, and
not Mr.. Lee the financier."
Mr.. Drew hung up the receiver be.
fore the explosion occurred on the
other end of the wire.-St. Louis Post.
Dispatch.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Feeding Farm Hands.

Every farmers wife knows what ire
mendous appetites farm hands usually
have; but while they eat we'll they
work well, too.
Here's a good suggestion about feed
ing farm hands. Give them plenty
Of Quaker Oats. A big dish Of
Quaker Oats porridge with sugar and
cream or milk is the greatest break
fast In the world for a man who needs
vigor and strength for a long days
work. The man that eats Quaker Oats
plentifully and often is the man who
does good work without excessive IA.
tigue. There Is a sustaining quality
in Quaker Oats not found in other
foods. and for economy 1t Is at the
head OF the list. Besides the regular
size packages Quaker Oats Is packed
in large size family packages, with
and without china. 8
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Good at Addition.

Sammy's mother talked to him long
and earnestly about the poor marks
he had been getting In his work at
school. She painted in alluring colors
the career Of the little boy who stud
les his lessons and gains tho love and
respect Of his teachers. She went
eve further: she promised him q
whole dime. all for his own. Sammy
seemed impressed.
That afternoon he returned from
school fairly dancing with Joy.
"Oh. mother" he shouted. II got
q hundred"
Sammy" cried his delighted moth
er. She Rugged him and kissed him
and petted him and-gave him a dime.
And what did you get a hundred
int" she finally asked.
I'm two things" replied Sammy,
without hesitation, II got 40 In readin'
and 60 In spellin'."-Everybody's.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Mean Form Of Robbery.

A business man who in his univer.
sity days had been a devoted student
OF ethics sat down in a lower Broad.
way lunchrOom a few days .agO and
saw something that awakened a par
ticular train Of thought in channels
unused since his student days, says
the New York Tribune. Directly op-
posite him two men were finishing
their midday meal. One, a sprucely
dressed chap. slipped his last drop Of
coffee, placed q dime on the table In
front Of his empty cup and walked
out. The other. equally we'll dressed.
took q little longer time over his cof-
fee before preparing to 60. Then. Just
rs he was about to rise he furtively
passed his hand over to the dime in
front Of his former neighbours plate
and moved 1t to a position In front Of
his own. He then walked hastily out.
The waiter a moment later picked up
the dime. noting before whose plate
1t was. and cleaned away the dishes,
mumbling the while. Now the former
college man is wondering whether
this Is not a case where he can aptly
apply those words of Shakespeare:
who steals my purse steals trash:
. but he that ilches from me
my good name robs me of that which
not enriches him and makes me Door
Indeed"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
And He Suffered.

Little Willie. suffering from IN at
tack of toothache, had paid his first
visit to the dentist, accompanied by
his mother. Father. on his return
from the Office that evening, was nat.
urally much interested.
Didn't 1t hurt?" asked father.
Sure. 1t hurt" replied Willie.
weren't you scared when the dent.
LIST put you in that big chair and
started all those zizz. zizz-ziZz %things?"
"Oh. not so much"
THAT was a brave boy. But, surely,
you suffered?"
"Of course l suffered. But I Just
kept repeating over and over the
golden text we had in Sunday school
last Sunday"
"The golden text? What was IT."
"Why, suffer little children to come
unto me-" replied Willie. glibly. 81
kept saying that over and over to my.
self, and the first thing ! knew 1t didn't
hurt any more"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
WHERE THEY LEARN ECONOMY
Matron Knew What She Was About
When She Went to Engage
Maid.

The manager Of the employment
agency was used TO hearing women in
search Of maids ask applicants all
sorts of queer questions, says the New
York Tribune, but this matron made
him mildly curious. OF IA girls In
turn she had inquired: Have you
worked in a minister's family?" None
of them had. TOO bad" said the ma.
iron to the manager. None of these
girls will do"
May l ASK" said the manager,
"why you are anxious to know If
these girls have worked in ministers
families?"
why, the fact Ia, we're very hard
up just now" said the matron. candid.
ly; II want a girl who knows how to
economic, and those who have worked
in clergymen's families. I've discov.
cred. have learned that lesson"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
On q Time Limitation.

In spite OF the reputation for latitu.
dinarianism he gained from his early
trial for heresy. the late Prof. Jowett
Of Oxford was intolerant Of preten-
t%iousness and shallow conceit. One
self-satisfied undergraduate met the
master one day. Master" he said, II
have searched everywhere in all phil.
osophies, ancient and modern. and no.
where do I find the evidence Of a
God" "Mr. -" replied the master.
after a shorter pause than usual. III
you don't find a God by Ave o'clock
this afternoon you must leave this
college"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
HIS LOVE NOT REAL ARTICLE
.Protestatlons Proved False When
Woman's wiz Put Glib Admlrer
to the Test.

A reporter v%entured, on John d.
Rockefeller's SEVENTEEN birthday, to
question him about his very remark.
able present. a jar Of petroleum but
ter. the latest ~by-product of Standard
OIL that the remarkable Standard OIL
chemists have evolved.
Mr.. Rockefeller, however, would not
discuss the petroleum butter. He
shook his head, laughed, and said:
Young man, I I'm ignorant about
this butter. l am as ignorant as the
man In the fable.
There is a fable. you know, about
q man in an eastern city who fol-
lowed a lady about the bazars and
shops a long time. Finally she turned
and said:
why do you follow me?'
BECAUSE he answered, you are
very beautiful. and my soul goes out
to you in love-
THE lady smiled and said:
But l am not half SO beautiful as
my sister there She pointed to the
fountain In the square. Look at her,
filling her water jar. She is a vision
OF loneliness. Go. then, and make
love to her.
THE man took the lady at her word.
He fastened to the fountain. But the
maiden filling the jar there was very,
very ugly. and he returned and said.
angrily:
"'Your sister beautiful! Why did
you tell me such a f~alsehood?'
"Ah, but why said the lady. did
you tell me a falsehood first?
But l didn't said he. When he
added. did II
when you told me you loved me-
said the lady. For II 1t had been true
that you loved me, you would never
have gone of to make love to another
woman"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

to find quick relief. Mrs. Turner used
Doan's Kidney Pills for a rundown con.
dition, backache, pains in the sides and
kidneys, bloated limbs. etc. TIE way
they have built me up Is simply mar
velous," says Mrs. Turner, who is a
nurse. my health improved rapidly.
Five boxes did SO much for me l am
telling everybody about It."
Remember the name-Doan's. Sold
by all dealers. so cents a box. Foster.
Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
CHILD ATE CUTICURA
OINTMENT.
Spread Whole Box Of II on Crackers
Mot the Least Injury Resulted.
cutieura Thus Proven Pure and Sweet.

A New York friend Of Cuticura
writes:
my three year old son and heir,
after being put to bed on a trip across
the Atlantic, investigated the state
room and located O box Of graham
crackers and a box Of Cuticura Oint.
ment. When q search was made for
the box, 1t was found empty and the
kid admitted that he had eaten tho
contents Of tho entire box spread on
the crackers. 1t cured him of a bad
cold and l don't know what else"
No more conclusive evidence could
be offered that every ingredient Of Gu.
ticura Ointment is absolutely pure,
sweet and harmless. II 1t may be
safely eaten by q young child. none but
the most beneficial results can be ex-
pected to attend its application TO even
the tenderest skin or youngest infant.
Potter Drug 4 Chem. Corp. Sole rropa, Boston.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
humor In This Robbery,

While Sergeant Of Police Henry
Balsz Of Sacramento, Cal, slept sound.
ly a burglar entered his house and
carried away his valuable gold time
piece. II was taken from Balsz's
vest pocket. On which was pinned his
star. Balsz's little girl heard the. bur.
glar and called to her mother. Her
voice frightened the intruder and he
hastily left. Sergt. Balsz slept through
the whole affair and did not know any
thing about 1t until he missed his
timepiece when he arose In the morn.
tng.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
DrapaIna Up the Past.

Scolding husbands might not be al.
together eliminated. but they might
be held in check by the following
treatment which IL a. original as eff.
~fsctual. A young wife. just out OF her
honeymoon. was visiting a friend
long married.
Tell me. Margaret. what you do
when your husband gets cross and
wants to scold?' she wanted to know.
why. / Just read him n or two
Of the letters he used to write NE be-
fore we we're married. ThatIl stop
any mans Crouch"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Guess Where She Is From.

The head Of the house had been Ill
for many months, and had lost his ap.
petite entirely.
II can't seem to fix anything that
he'll enjoy and he hardly eats any.
thing" the mistress was saying to the
maid, who was a new arrival irom the
old country.
That's always the way" returned
the girl. "They're all the same, them
invalids. All they want is nothing at
all, and then when you bring 1t to
them they don't eat it."
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

my friends what it has done for me-"
Mrs. +. HANSON, 304 East Long ST.,
Columbus, Ohio.
Another Woman Helped.
Graniteville. VT. ~ was passing
throughthe Change of Life and suffered
from nervousness and other annoying
symptoms. Lydia L. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound restored myhealthand
strength. and proved worth mountains
Of gold to me. For the sake Of other
suffering women l AM willing you
should publish my letter. MRS.
CHARLES BARCLAY, RED, Granite
Vile, VT.
Women who are passing through this
critical period or who are suffering
from any of those distressing ills Pc
culiar to their sex should not lose sight
of the fact that for thirty years Lydia
L. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound,
which Is made from roots and herbs,
has been the standard remedy for
female ills. In almost every cOmmu-
nifty you will find women who have
been restored to health by Lydia +.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
The Way Of L.,

"But l don't love you." objected the
young woman.
Then why" howled the indignant
youth. referring hastily to divers mem.
oranda In his pocket diary. did you
eat up a total Of Go boxes Of chocolates
l bought you during the past year II
you didn't love me:"
Because" she said, with a rapt ex
preston on her lovely features, Il do
love chocolate"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Physicians Everywhere Use ResInoI
With Very Great and UnvaryIng


During the last six months I have
prescribed Resinol in umerous cases
OF acute and chronic skin diseases and
chronic alterations with very great
and unvarying success. It Is a reli-
able preparation, and its action Is
prompt and pleasing.
A. +. Volkman, Baltimore. Md.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Tho Thirst for Gore,

Unsophisticated O~nlooker-I think
this is a first rate place. See what a
fine view we have of this car coming.
Seasoned Spectator-F1ne view fid-
dlesticks! Nothing eve happens on
these straight stretches-not even a
broken leg. Come on down to the
turn and wait for the fun.--Puck.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

en- who suffer back
ache. constant Ian.
guor. and other com.
mon symptoms Of
complaint,
ohould be grateful to
Mrs. Minnie Turner,
Of r. B. St.. Ana.
darko, Okla, for
pointing out the way
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
HEALTH TOO PRECIOUS

What do you mean by refusing to
chop some wood after the good din.
lei I have give you!"
We'll, lady. de highest medical au.
thorities gree dat workin' on a full
stomach is injurious. an I don't want
to run any chances Of ruinin' me su.
perb health"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
of Ghosts

Many people ore afraid Of ghosts. Pew people II
are afraid Of FERNS. Yet the ghost 10 Q fancy and IL :
the Ierm 10 . fact. II the eerm could be msfni6ed Il i
to . size equal to ito terrors il would appear more N. :.
terrible than any fre.breathins DRAGON. Germs N
can't be avoided. They are in the dir we breathe,
the water We drink. -
The fern can only prosper when the condition e
Of the system gives it free scope to establish il.
self and develop. When there il . deficiency Of
vital force, ~laneuor, restlessness, . salow cheek, t0
Q hollow eye, when the appetite 10 poor and the
sleep is broken, Il 10 time to Guard ssainst the fern.
fortiiy the body against oil FERNS by tho use Of Dr.. Pier
en- Medical Discovery. II increases the vital power, oil
system OF clolkinI impurities, enriches the blood, puts
aoh and orkans Of digestion and nutrition In WORKING 90,
that the Germ finds no weak or tainted spot In which
Golden Medical Discovery contains no alcohol,
habit.forminl drugs. All is ingredients printed on Il
wrapper. II 10 not . secret noEtrum but Q medicine
coMPosITIoN and with Q record of. 20 years Of csrss. !
substitute-ther 10 nothing I" just o. food" Ask your
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
interchange Of Opinions.

Said Williams Wife-William car
make money; but he will never be
able to save any.
Said Williams Mother-That Is just
what | warned my son when he want.
ed to marry you.-Baltimore Amer
lean,
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

Ancestral pride is the safest thing
in the world. Our ancestors are too
dead to kick about the liberties we
take with them.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

When q woman has occasion to loaf
she calls 1t either shopping. visiting OF
entertaining.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

Lewis Single Binder straight 5c-Many
smokers prefer them to l0c cigars.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Ever Notlce2

"Why are the children Of the rich
SO often i~ntractable?"
"Where you see a home without a
woodshed, there you are apt to find
a spoiled kid"
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

No matter how long your neck may be
or how sore your throat, liamlins Wizard
Oil will cure it surely and quickly. II
drives out all soreness and inflammation.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
OF Soma Benefit.

Barber-Did the bottle Of hair re.
storer l sold you do any good?
Customer-Yes, indeed: 1t kept me
from wasting my money on any more.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
A NURSES EXPERIENCE.
BaekaehS, Pains In the Kidneys, eIoat.
Ing, ETC., Overcome.

A nurse Is expected to know what
TO do for common ailments, and wom.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
Beware Of Ointments for Catarrh
that Contain Mercury,

- mercury viii surely destroy the sense OF smell
and completely derange the whole system when
entering II through the mucous surfaces Such
articles should neves be used except On prescrip-
will do u ten fold TO the good you can possibly de-
rive from them. Halls Catarh Cure. manufactured
by =. J. Cheney 4 Co.. Toledo. o.. contains no msr-
curry. and u taken Internally. acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces OF the system. In
buying Hairs Catarh Cure be sure you get the
genuine. II = taken internally and made In Toledo
Ohio. by v: }. Cheney 4 Co. ~Testimonials fres.
Bold by DruGgtsts. Price. 7Se. per bottle.
Take HANS Family Pills for constipation.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
VERY ENCOURAGING

Old Lady-Is there any danger?
Boatman-Well, mum. 1t don't mat
ter much-the boats insured.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

Strange how a girls ideal car de
velop into merely her husband.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

We desire to be classified according
to our exceptional virtues; we are apt
to classify our neighbor according to
his exceptional faults.-Henry Bates
Dimond.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

pOulu II n
change of life. My
doctor told me 1t
was good, and since
taking 1t l feel so
much better that I
do all my work
again. L think
Lydia T.. Pinkham's
Vcgetabl 10 Com
pound a fine remedy
FOR all wOman's
TROUBLES, and I
|--- r-.-.A A. Ali
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

The dog in the manger Is the one
that does the most growing.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07
HER
ADVISED
Taking Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable COMPOUND

Columbus, Ohio. ~ have taken
f. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

Gossip has a thousand tongues-and
they all work overtime.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup.
Tor children teething, s0ftens the gums, reduces m
1ammation, ailays pain. cures wind coliu. sc bottle.
Morgan County republican. (Versailles, Mo.) 1906-1914, 1909-10-07

You can't tell by the size Of the
gravestone how big the man was who
lies In the grave.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1909-03-20
this explicit and wholesome declara-

this explicit and wholesome declara-
tion:
Section %. And. whereas, the
ministers of the Gospel are, by their
profession. dedicated to the service
OF God and the cure of souls. and
ought not to be diverted from the
great duties Of their function: there
fore. no minister Of the Gospel. or
public preacher. of any religious per-
suasion, whilst he continues in the
exercise Of the PASTORAL functions,
shall be eligitahle to the Office of
Governor. Lieutenant Governor, or
to seat In the Senate or the House
of Representatives"
That declaration was written into
the Constitution of this State one
hundred and nineteen years ago, and
we doubt that anything has been
gained for good living. lofty think
Ing and other purposes since the
preachers in this State began to take
an active part in practical politics.
Has there been any Improvement, in
fact, In the character Of our citi-
zenship. in the ability and integrity
of our public servants, in the effect
iveness Of our legislation, in the ad-
ministration Of our public affairs
since the interdict upon clergical par
ticipation in politics was removed in
South Carolina?
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1909-03-20

4. n. Jsakins. Of 81. Charles, wss
- tevn nssday.
~. n. N. Sanders h IN Charleston
~ vseh attending the United States
oott - : t1ror.
~. ". l. Saunders. OF stateburs.
~ n ~ city Monday.
1aF. = I. Rsardon spent Monday
~ Gen. Sumter Memorial Acad-
Mr. z. Z. Kahn. OF Mayesville. was
, ~ city on business Tuesday.
1ra n. Iids Law of Hartsvine. Is
rlelpD her brother. Mr.. II. L. Ed
6nos On Calhoun st.
1lr- Matt Jones. formerly Of Col
nbie but now Of Greensboro. was In
~ oity Tuesday on business for
- Dixie fire Insurance Co.
~. J. c. Durant. Of Durant's was
Down on business Wednesday.
~. Nsnl o'Donnell returned on
fsdnssday from business trip to
~ York.
Mr. - d sallsngsr. Of the News
"a Courier. was here Wednesday on
,slness.
D1iss jamie Allen. OF Florence. Is
1ltind Aiss Thso Gress.
hr. = d. Gibson. OF Kinsstree. Il
ths city on visit to friends.
Mr lind Mrs. Geo. ID. Shore went
chs rlsston Tuesday afternoon. 3
Mrs n. q. ostesn and children
I've g,ns to chsraw for . two weeks
~ f
l6r. II. ,. bland went to Msyesvills
sorptay.
Mr. II, W. Scott. OF wisacky. spent
ursdsy In the city,
nroGr. w. c. stradlen who has been
snd,f,g the winter hero. returned
.urstay 70 Hsndstsonyills. N. c.
~. Richard Davis OF Manning was
~ city Thursday.
~. ind Ns. ). n. Bradhsm spent
sussday inaths CITY a. the guest of
- ,. ,. osssr.
The watchman and southron. [volume] (Sumter, S.C.) 1881-1930, 1909-03-20

II the Hartsville silverware plant is
really seeking another location II
should come to Sumter. This is a
matter for the Chamber of Commerce
to take up. 1t 10 q tangible PROPOSE
tion and II Mr.. Perry can demonstrate
that the enterprise can be made to
lay. he will find no difficulty in in
teresting Sumter In II. He will not
find II necessary to beg Charleston
capitalists to put up $1,000 against a
like sum that he will invest in the
enterprise.