The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1909-01-23
The Gentle Art of
Being III in Honolulu
BIZ Jack Densham.

arrival at that delightful state when,
breakfast. finished, one waits longingIy
on the lanai for the tinkle of the lunch
bell and, thereafter, sleeps steadily till
within an hour of the blessed time when
the dinner signal goes. This stage Is
termed convalescence, or words to that
effect, and includes two glasses of port
with every meal. One glass taken
openly in the sight of all, properly pre-
scribed by the doctor, and another glass
taken surreptitiously, the which causes
much wonder that the bottle doth emp
ty itself so quickly and that another
Must be ordered today or you won t
have any for dinner"
There are many methods of passing
the time for the willy convalescent
Reading is not one because everything
that was ever written has already been
read. Sharpening your knife on an oil
stone and then bunting it by cleaning
out pipes is very pleasant and is limit.
w clip ~ tAC 4lh4HpCA VI pAptS.
A gaudily ornate instrument Of noise,
known as a either banjo, is also another
great ime-passer. Up to date my rate
of playing is five notes minute for
single notes and from one to two notes
a minute for the chords, varying ac
cording to the digital eontortions nee
essary for the different positions
Between the exercise of the two last
named l happened to notice the one
and only typewriter standing idle in a
corner. Suddenly obsessed with ride
ulous desire to feel the touch of the
dope keys once more, [ profanely
dragged it out and settled myself to
see what of sense and humor one could
find in the gentle art of being i'll in
Honolulu.
In order to exercise this art properly
one must choose ones environment, i'll.
| ness and doctor with care. Having
| done this with great exaetitude I re-
| tired to bed and announced that I was
i'll. The effect must have been magical
| for, though the first dreary hours are
kindly blank, necessary, if unwei-
| come preface, from the time that the
4
| The latter, of British extract and vim
| tage of Cantab, about the time when
Champney was preaching on Parker s
| Piece and noisy undergrads threw pen
MES to make the town kids howl, car
| ries the suave accent and bland smile
that leave the Impression of subtle
easement left behind.
He felt my pulse and announced a
high fever; also, that | was quite i'll.
! Certain pills to be taken every three
| hours and feeling that I was already
recovering he left me. But that was
not his last appearance that day. In
/ the afternoon he reappeared with his
! partner who was to aid in a diagnosis.
/ Now the Doctors partner, in build, in
muscle, in voice, almost in clothes, ev.
erything save for the Dundreary wits.
kers, might well have stepped from a
volume of Trilby and left blank where
the picture of Taffy should have been.
His first action was to call for an
ironing board. This being brought, he
proceeded to lay me out on it and Their
roll me up, humping prodigiously with
each turn, until | was folded and com
pressed like a sheet in the laundry
4 Then he unwound me, took hold of the
board shook me off on to the bed anC
turned to his partner. "Quite sim
ple," he said. 'tQuite simple, merely
pericarditis of the .cerebellum. - Blu
the doctor disagreed. He spoke gently
but firmly, and those two men of med
icine argued across my PROSTATE form
until the air was filed with technica
terms of the most astounding volume
There was nothing heated about tn
argument, merely very learned dis
cussion Finally, Taffy turned ava,
with a gesture Of fnality every well
nv dear Doctor" he said. .'We shall
have a postmortem and then [ shall
show that | am right. -
With the departure of the consult
ant | became aware of a noisy racke
on the lanai 1t seems that the japan
csc boy was busily engaged with
broom keeping off two undertakers
solicitors who were eagerly insistin
on presenting their cards and maxim
a bid for my business. Then [ hear
a rafting and scraping at the bath
room window, and the latter flew oper
admitting tall individual arrayed i
| black, with a black felt hat in hi
1 hand.
he approached through the ope
| door of the bathroom and, presentin
a card, said, ''Mr. Densham. / be
| heve? Yes, [ thought so, YOU mus
| pardon the method of my entrance
but violent foreigner with a broor
refused me admittance by the from
| door and you, as newspaper man, vii
l ppreciate that | could not return with
out having fulfilled my mission. ] an
indeed, glad that / was able to fin
| you. | shall now be able to proven
the sad accident of your decease with
| out ample provision for interment, y
| This was all said in suave bu
| rapid tone, and [ was too much take
\ by surprise to interrupt, so he wen
| on: Il wish to present to You on
famous family coffin endowment policy
/ the terms are indeed moderate, tw
dollars down and two dollars a week
and remember, though you should di
tomorrow, the payment of the frs
two dollars insures a coffin. Of course
until several payments have bee
made we can provide only pine DO,
but, after two years of regular max
ments the beneficiary gets fine GA
casket. After five years brass handle
and hinges are added. After ten wear
OF payments we add lot in one q
nearly two hundred cemeteries to h
NJ chosen from