Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-01-22
ONE on UNCLE
HENRY
His Generosity Cost Him Neat PENN

lSII cdI W NC sure she ulun hear him
mo, sir, by gum, because thar.
nothing in a lottery to prevent vow
tearing up your ticket when Won Iosa
See what mean, son? You csn,t
beat it. Woman, woman, lovely Won
an! Only the forethought of wise and
beneficent Providence, which prevent
ed her from ever learning to throw
straight, makes life worth living -.
so, by gracious!
"Get the idea? They've got vou,
number from the start. They look dt
ferent, think different act different
and are different from men. Well
then, how you going to beat it? Ehs
Certainly you can't.
They've got you going and comm,
because they know what you hold and
what you are going to draw Tb0v
know the man who makes the cards
They kid you along until you get 10
feeling good and then-and then
"Son, I've been up against this gama
for years, but this is the ultimate, eter
nal limit See thise tobacco coupouse
Bunch of 'em, huh? Well, sir, there i,
what gets my goat.
There's exhibit A. Here. take en-
put 'em in your pocket. Any more
get are going over the same route. I'm
done. / know when | get mine good
and plenty, and I've got it.
"Say, I'm so mad 1 can't talk and
I'm tired of making gestures. Heaven
is my home, but if they ever hear w
in heaven some of the things I'm say
ing inside now I'll never get home.
Here's the idea. Listen to this
Don't go way; I'm going to tell you
something that'll make your eyes
cross.
I'm a smoker I'm no smokestack
see? | smoke a few cigars-fOur or
five a day-good smokes. All the TO-
bacco stores, pretty nearly, give cou
pons. | save 'em Some of EN- blue,
some of 'em green. You know Reg,
ular coupons.
"Other day l got prize list see?
Read it over. Say, son, it's full Of good
things. Seems like every doggOned
thing | ever wanted is there. Bet you
the guy that picked out that bunch
knew his business. Regular wise old
owl.
Now listen. | read it all over and
was just about deciding on cocoboa
hairbruSh when all of sudden my
better nature came to the front Son,
make a wish. Never give way to your
better nature. It's sure to get you in
trouble.
mo | says, says |. I had the fun
smoking the cigars. Now I'll be
sport. 1t was my money, and I'll bet
they stung me more than the price Of
the prize in reducing the weight of the
cigar, but I'm game. Home to the wife
of my BOSOM, l says. Besides, | thinks
when she sees the women's things she
can get with those coupons it will put
me in soft. Soft? Did it? Say, I'm
/ Lell1nS tHlS SLOIy.
II wraps the coupons up in nice
bundle and | gets new book from lne
store all about what swell things WON
en- can get. And mind you there's nO'
rs cents additional gag like there USED
to be when was kind. Well, anyhow
| took the whole outfit home.
| 7 tn wife see
what | brought to you. Look over tna'
catalogue of things you can gel I've
brought the entire thing home 10 you
| Take your time. Read the book all
through. And then leave it on inc
bureau l says, because I'd like to look
it over again myself.
| 'Say, son, she took 'em. I can SEE
you are not WE'LL she says-lust H~
that. Tn always suspicious OF yOu'
Henry, when you begin to get genel
GUS she says. Now wouldn't thS' 'aA'
the wind out of your sails?
We'll, sir, could see she liked 'n'
prize list. She read it, and read IT, anu
she didn't say anything at all lA'n
she counted the coupons. Ever see
woman count anything? Well she nav
| those coupons all over the taDle' an
over the floor, all over the chalr' y
| took her half an hour to count 'nem'
"'Henry,' she says, give me SOu
pencil | gave it to heS She lch'a
| the end of it-women always 40
began to figure. She figured all o' 'n
the book, all over the newspaper,
over the coupons. At last she says
Two hundred and fifty she says
by gracious, she hit 1t right .,ors
| I don't know how she did it, but 'nIIs
were just that many. HEN" and
says, how much do you have 10 SpS an
in the store to get one of THESE So
pons?' she says. I told her ol@I. .ts
Then she figured again ana u' ord
the pencil. 1 put new point on II a.
she kept on figuring At last she = 'I lie
and says: '$62.5O,' she says-Juo "ont.
that. 'Sixty-two dollars and nl! " t w. 10
she says. You have spent So11v 'n ~ me
bacco when you have been telling sry
you couldn't afford to buy mo M
more hats, and you would not s i
watch that | dropped fixed O'''''
cost 81. Ybs bot
$50 she says, i've got to INC so NE
tom of this There is "heIe t aetr cents