The Paducah evening sun. [volume] (Paducah, Ky.) 1906-1929, 1909-04-10

II was just the past week that the
real facts leaked out, and though the
Spectator was sworn to secrecy as to
the source of his information, he was
gracionsly given permission to pub
lish the facts. Here, then, is the story
of probably the greatest conspiracy of
modern times. Some time in the au-
tumn Of last year, there met in the
city Of Chicago select committee of
the Great Amalgamated Union OF
Emancipated Womankind. After
much discussion around the council
fire. a manifesto was ordered pub
lished In the name of said Amalga-
mated Union OF Emancipated Wom-
ankind. to be sent broadcast over the
land. The Spectator was not allowed
to see copy of this august docu-
ment. but he has learned from trust
worthy authority that It ran some
thing like the following. To our err
ring sisters scattered over this broad
land: Greeting: 1t has been well
known fact that the Man Animal has
never taken our august assembly in
the serious manner that IL deserved
nor has he ever seen fit to grant the
New Woman any more serious
thought than he has ever been wont
to accord his old woman. Therefore
the time has come when an object
lesson must be used over this whole
land, OF such a character to strike
terror into the obdurate heart of the
Man Animal. This then is what is
|decreed by the Inner Circle of the
Union. We have had gathered to-
gether into our council chamber vari-
Gus and sundry objects, heretofore
the chains that bound us to our thral-
dom,-to-wit. certain dish-pans, skill
lets. waste-paper baskets, coffee pots
and other Of like Xix. These We have
had used with such violence that
they bear but slight semblance to
their original shape, but sui sum |
Gent resemblance to be recognizable. |
And now, Oh sisters of the inner cir
Gle, 1t is decreed that henceforth you
wear these same objects upon your
heads In lieu of other head coverings.
But note, that lest the Man Animal.
seeing us wear this weight upon our
craniaf appendix, should say that we
were OF the stiff-necked people, it is
allowed that an imitation OF the OBJ
jects be made in straw, but sufficient
ly like the original to be. as we have
said easily recognizable. And be IL
further resolved and ordered that TO
emphasize our complete emancipa-
ton, we shall hereafter wear upon
these same head pieces the fruits and
vegetables and other kitchen stuff
that we were wont heretofore TO
cook withal" Such was In effect the
conspiracy, and the manifesto, which
has wrought such strange havoc in
our land. But one vegetable seems
TO have been tabooed.-the cabbage
But the Spectator. being nought but
Man Animal, believes that this
would have been the most appropriate
Of all, for there is a law of physics
that the same object cannot be in
two places at one and the same time,
and should the Emancipated Sister
hood have worn a fetching cabbage
head on the outside Of her hat, Il
would. by the same law, have been
at least proof conclusive that she
could not be wearing one inside the G
same hat Well, we'll the hats are i
hideous. and the vegetable adorn- !
ments ridiculous, but after all they II
are an improvement over the old
style Of covering the head with the
bodies and wings and tails and heads [
and other parts Of the carcasses of e
defunct birds. a