davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
LITTLE ROCK.

Dan Ehler is in Canada with some
land buyers.
Chas. Stephens is quite sick of
typhoid fever
Henry Mattox and Geo. Thornton
have rented part OF Geo. Pearson's
upper bottom farm and will put in
100 acres wheat and so acres next
spring in corn. Joe Kiso has rent
ed the other part and will SOW it
mostly in wheat e..
The little child of Nose Chill
dress is quite sick of bilious fever.
Alva Murdoch, daughter of Tom
Murdoch was quite sick Sunday
evening
Revival meetings commenced on
Tuesday evening at Concord church
by Rev. Herndon. Every body is
invited to attend
John Fisher and wife were Little
Rock callers Tuesday.
Ed Fisher is jumping counters
for Ehler Bros. this week.
Ball game Sunday afternoon at
Little Rock between Rock Springs
and Little Rock.
Miss Clara and Ruby Gorker OF
Slater attended the picnic Thurs
day.
d.. Sharp was called to see Geo.
Haring the first of the week.
Mr.. Naegelin of Jefferson City
who bought the Leimbrock place
two years ago called on Ehler Bros
Saturday evening.
Otto Cramer better known as
Sheney returned from st. Louis
and Edwardsville where he had
been visiting. He says Illinois is
the only place and especially near
Edwardsville. We all thought he
was going to stay there.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
The Gretchen Picnic

The Gretchen Camp NJ. W. A.
gave its annual picnic last Satur-
day. A large crowd was present
in the afternoon and evening and
the picnic was a success financially
and in every other way. About $S5
was cleared by the lodge.
Mrs. w. A. Hill won the prize in
che nail driving contest.
Robert Sims little boy won first
premium for being the prettiest
boy baby under two years old.
Mote Haggard's boy won second
premium in the baby show.
John Garrison's girl baby got the
first prize for being the prettiest
' girl.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
AYRES

Miss Mabel Rupert is visiting
her sister Mrs. Garnett this week.
The bureau OF information in
Ayres is in full blast this week.
Our mail carrier Tom Crawford
says his wife is very sick.
Arthur Madison says the water
can get so high he can't raise corn
in the bottom but the weather don't
ge4 so ts1t that he can't bale hay so
he wen to baling.
Mrs. McAbee, Mr.. Eberhart and
family of Kansas City, H. Heuman
and family, Mrs. Ira Barlow, H. w.
Fooae and wife and Joseph Ste
phens were guests o. Joseph Her.
mans Sunday.
{. r. Ireland and Joe Dennis are
going 10 put the AL Horner farm
in tn ebottom in wheat Cor C.
Garnet.
Most OF the farmers in this To-
cality have stopped blowing I'M
till it rains, as the ground is get
ting so hard.
Our Ayres blacksmith goes to
Slater everyother night. He says
he goes after ice but We don't know.
Your correspondent OF Ayres
thinks he will have to postpone
the Ayres items unless it rains it
is getting so dry he can't get the
stamps to stick on the letters.
Our old friend Joe Douglas is
going 20 leave US and go to Okla
homa.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

The weather the past week has
broken the record several times in
sucession-that is since 1901. Every
day seemed to be a little hotter
than the day before. The climax
was reached Tuesday at 8 p. m.
when the thermometer indicated
iO4 in the shade. The 100 mark was
reached Sunday and Monday. A.. L.
Liggett, of Slater, has the only re-
liable thermometer in this vicinity
that we know OF and his recorded
these figures. Wednesday at 8
p. m. 80 was indicated. FF%
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
RIVER VIEW

Mrs. Bowler and Miss Maud Heu-
nan spent several days at Glasgow
last week.
Charley Thomas and wife were in
Slater Saturday.
Mrs. w. H. Johnson has been the
guest Of her son r, d. Johnson and
family in Marshall for several days.
Jesse Hensick and wife attended
the show in Slater Saturday even
ing.
Adolph Leimkuhler and sister Wis
tied relatives near Slater Saturday
and Sunday.
John Kammeyer wal doing bus
mess in Arrow Rock Saturday.
F. L. Fisher and Miss Lillian Hen
sick drove to Slater Saturday af-
ternoon and remained for the
show.
]. H. Detmer OF Sedalia, is Wis
ting here at this writing .
Miss Mollie Herman has return
ed from an extended visit with rel
ativeS in st. Louis .
Jesse Hensick is having his home
remodeled .
Walter . Fisher OF Oak Grove,
Kansas City is improving rapidly
in this vicinity Thursday morning.
Louis Driver surprised his many
friends Saturday by getting mar
ried to Miss Alice Wilkes OF Cam
bridge .
Mrs. Mary Hensick and Miss Lo-
rene Thornton are spending sew
( eral days with Mrs. 1. P. Neff, near
;; Hardeman .
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

brothers. Alexander of Wichita,
Kansas and Henry of Detroit, Mich.
He was a consistent member of the
I'd Baptist church having been
converted when quite a small boy.
He raj also a member OF the ma
sonic A. F. and A. M. He was kind
and polite and very much respect
ed by both white and colored folks.
His family feel very thankful to
their many sympathetic friends
who were so kind to them in their
trouble. Rev. Mills conducted the
funeral services in a very able
manner. A. P. b.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

Mrs. T. J. Hickey, OF Portland,
Ore, vas a guest of Mrs. NJ. Seen
try the last of the week
Miss Hattie oauest ID slowly Inn
proving, the extreme heat being
very hard on her /.
Mrs. Maud Gentry and children
returned home Saturday from a
three weeks visit to relatives at
Fairville.
Mrs. r. b. Wright and daughter,
Mise : Cora, were Marshall visitors
Monday.
Let's bear in mind that the Chau-
.taulua meets i nMarshall Aug. 3Oth
and lasts until Sept. 5th.
Rev. G. w. McClanahan left last
Monday for Sheldon Mo-, to visit
his old home and take his much
earned vacation .
Mr.. and Mrs. Jas. Swinney, Mr..
and Mrs. Plat, Lloyd Cort and G..
Dingley attended the tent meeting
at Salt Springs Tuesday night.
Miss Adele Bray entertained on
Tuesday night / nhonor o. her cou-
sin, Arthur Bray
Miuss Estelle Grimes is quest
OF Slater friends this week
, Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Weimhold
of Slater, were guests OF Mr.. and
Mrs. NJ. T. Barnes last week .
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
MIAMI

Our aged and genial friend Aug.
Royar Icelebrated his Goth birth
day on the 10th OF this month. Mr..
Royar Is remarkable in many ways
for one so old. HIS eye sight is
good without the aid OF glasses.
His memoryNis splendid as he know
all of his friends. His nature and
disposition are of that Jolly kind.
He is fond of flowers, birds and
all gay and pretty things. Many
times has the writer been present
ed with a beautiful bouquet gath
cred and presented with an appro-
pirate compliment from this dear
old friend.
~, Mrs. Geo. Cunningham and two
little sons, Lyle and Harvey left
Tuesday to visit Mrs. Cunn.nghams
sister Mrs. Paxton near Kingston,
Caldwell county. They will be
gone about two weeks.
Miss Lucy Hisle and brother, Ed
win accompanied their grandmoth-
err Mrs. Lucy Hisle from Kansas
City last week for a visit to their
Miami relatives.
The people of Rich Chapel church
gave an ice cream supper LAST Sat-
urday night which brought them
$4,000.
: jesse Wheeler md little girl,
Pauline are visiting DR.. Wheelers
family this week.
Geo. Ryan is feeling anything but
well this hot weather and is at pres
ent being nursed by his fathers
people at their little river side
home.
Mrs. Henry MeItens is entertain
ing her relatives this week from
the east.
Mrs. Jno. Walden is convalecing
this week after narrowly escaping
a severe spell OF fever.
Mrs. c. G.. Vaughn entertained
her friend Mrs. Bette Hammer last
Thursday. Mrs. Vaughn is a per-
fecd mistress of the culinary depart
ment and knows how to make an
elegant spread.
IT, Mrs. Ike Hills many friends are
distressed to hear that she is very
ill at her fathers home in the coun-
try.
Little Lenty Mullins continues
very sick with typhoid fever.
G.. F. Cunningham u popular
furniture man is having some i'm
provements done on his place this
week by Amos Bond a former Mi
ami carpenter.
Not withstanding the extreme
hot weather there has been a regu-
lar epidemic OF sore Threats and
colds.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
SLATER

Clarence Tucker, our clothing
man, and Stamper Bros, o. Sails
bury bought a $4,000 stock OF cloth
ing at Cherrydale, Kansas, and
are conducting a store there with
Mr.. Stamper in charge.
Fred Vanstone OF Chicago and
his bride are the guests Qs Dear
born VanStone's this week. They
were married in Chicago last week
and will reside there.
Louis Feis will go west Sunday
on a several weeks trip and then
go east on a buying trip for his
store.
A party ~chaperoned by Mr.. and
Mrs. Sam Hill will leave this morn
ing for Chouteau Springs to spend
a week at the hotel. Those going
are Misses Edna Quinenberry, Anna
Brown, Florence and Edna Barsted
Georgia Orear, Ina Allen, Kate
Rutherford, Messrs. June Smith
Walter Bridges, Claud Allen, Maui
rice Pemberton, Ernst Cardwell and
Lyon Fleet.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frank Marquette.
iof Baraboo, Wis, r expected next
Tuesday onga two weeks visit to
j. L. M~arquettes'.
j. b. jackson Of New Frankfort
went to Oklahoma Tuesday on 9
prospecting trip.
Mrs. g.. q. Whining of northeast
OF town went to Oklahoma Tues
day to visit her sister, Mrs. Minnie
Arbogast, who is very Ill, Also
her brother, Albert zahl.
Miss Mary McComas returned
/. wednesday from q Western trir
and resumed her duties at Miss
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

LEWIS HUTCHINSON, COL, died
very suddenly on August IL, 1909.
He had long been subjec: to heart
disease and had been warned by
his physicians to keep quiet dur
ing the heated term but being OF
an industrious, energetic tu:n he
| went to work in the hly field of
&. F. Lennon and the extreme heat
caused him to have a fatal spell of
heart failure. A peculiar coinci-
dence is, that about a year ago
Barney Gaines a worthy co!ored
man of Miami died suddenly in
Mr.. Lemmon's field from the same
cause and under the same circum-
stances. Lewis was born Nov. IS,
1S4s az Fayette, Mo. He leaves a
wife Mrs. Courtney Hutchinson and
an adopted daughter, Nora Carter,
whom he loved very dearly. His
aged mother Mrs. Harriet Hutchin-
son of Chillicothe survives him as
well as two sisters, Mrs. Mollie
Ford, of Brunswick, Mo-, and Miss
Georgia of Chillicothe and two
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
County Papers

A county paper ought to gather
and publish all the county news
possible. In order to see whether
we're doing our duty we OCCASION
ally check up with our Marshall con
temporaries. In the matter o.
death notices last week the Repub-
lican reported IL, the Progress 4,
Citizen 0; Democrat-NewS 1 in
Grand Pass items and 1 in CretIhe:
items.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

The Atchison Globe gets off anoth
er good one as follows New church
joke, not very good, but really
good jokes are scarce: "There will
be a meeting OF the board" said
the preacher at the conclusion of
this service" So the official bre-
thren of the church gathered round
the pastor after the benediction
was pronounced. Among tn m was
a stranger whom it was necessary,
as delicately as possible, to remind
that his presence was not needed.
~ beg your PARDON" said the
stranger. 81 understood this was
to be a meeting OF the bored, of
which I am one"
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
Uncalled tor Lett, rs.

Remaining IN the postoffice at
Marshall Mo, August IS, 1909. If
not called for in fifteen days will re
sent to dead letter office at Wash
ington, D. c.
Mesdames Evie Brown, Martha
Lucas.
Rev. j. E. Carr, John D. Corley,
Benjamin Green, ]. F. Odell, E.
Reads.
L. w. VAN DYKE, P. NJ.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
MT.

Mr.. and Mrs. Mason Elgin and
e.o children of Napton, were she
guests of Mr.. and Mrs. Matt Barnes
last week. as.
We are glad to state that Mr.,
Gall who is still in the hospital In
Kansas City, is imp rowing rapidly
and will be home soon.
Frank Barnes was visiting rel
atives in Nelson's Sunday and Mon
Gay ~
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
ANTIOCH

Protracted meeting began at
Christian Union Sunday conducted
'ly Rev. Trader OF Warrensburg.
1. R. Parkhurst left Friday on a
visit to relatives in Kentucky.
Miss Wilma Miller of Sweet
Springs was the guest of Miss ona
Nighttime several days last week.
Floyd Miser, Archie Miller and
Leslie Armentrout left last week
for North Dakota.
Miss Bessie Haggard OF Nedevile
is the guest OF her sister Mrs. 5.
q. Frieben at this writing.
Jas. Turner and family have NOV
Q 4 to their farm in the Rose Valley
neighborhood.
Miss Flora Miller visited Miss
Ethel Cox several days this week.
Miss. Mary Dickerson was the
guest of Miss Mayme Akeman Sun
day.
VIM. Cox and wife We're shopping
in Marshall Monday.
Walter Hall left for North Dako-
to Wednesday.
a
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
Public Sale

J. T. Gibson, four miles south
east of Napton, will have a public
sale Of stock, farming implements
and household goods at his farm
on Tuesday, August S1st, commenc-
ing 1 p. m. Don't forget the date
and come out.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20
TayIOr'S Cash Department Store.

Dean Robertson y millinery. She,
Miss Robertson and Miss Williams
will go to Chicago tomorrow to
buy a new stock.
The Marshall republican., 1909-08-20

The Herndon Camp M. w. A. will
give a picnic at John T.. Herndons
next Wednesday, August aSth. All
welcome. "a
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
Twelve Rules for Fertilizers.

Use nitrate Of soda al the rate of
six pounds TO a 25N50.foot lawn. 10 Sc
cure a highly coiored greensward
4 Use common salt on the asparagus
\ bed. il you can't break away from
I tradition. but potash salts are much
( better.
Try giving the celery frequent APP
plications OF nitrate OF soda. 100
I pounds TO the acre.
To derive the greatest benefit from
manure. use fresh manure on heavy
soils and well-decayed on light soils
To insure the best development Of
Strawberries, ;op-dress with nitrate OF
soda just after the fruit sets
Coal ashes contain no plant food
but improve the mechanical condition
OF heavy soils.
Use nitrate Of soda 10 force toma-
toes. but only in small quantities.
small teaspoonful at the base OF each
plant every other week.
Remember hat nitrate OF soda is a
quick acting fertilizer. and should be
applied in small doses al short inter
walls. Also, remember that il will
burn any plant it touches Rake il
lightly into the soil
Grow clover or other nitrogen-gath-
ering plants. or even rye. as a catch
crop after the crops have been har-
vested, in order 10 improve the soil
This advice holds good for the small
est garden.
Wrap piece Of iitmus paper (buy
II at the drug storel around a hand
ful Of damp soil If the paper turns
pink. the soil IS sour and needs an APP
plication Of air-slaked lime
To enrich he lawn. use hardwood
ashes and fine bone meal-twenty-five
pounds OF the former and six OF the
latter 70 a 50xl0Nfoot plot.
Use hardwood ashes (not soft wood.
please notice. freely on light soils
Use a handful in each hin Of corn and
beans. apply them TO the lawn and
use them in the flower garden
Suburban Life.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
AROUND THE FARM.

Wood charcoal. wood ashes and
salt should be accessible at all times.
Ground wheat and corn give better
feeding results than ground wheat
and rye.
The profit in feeding young pigs is
with those hat are not stinted in their
food
The shattered corn blades where
whole fodder is fed may be given
with excellent results 10 laying hens
IL Is necessary to feed hens. and
feed them well. but the kind Of feed
TO give is stumbling block with
many
When there is such a variety Of
produce on the farm. stun that will
produce eggs. il seems that the vari.
ETY. should not trouble us
The amount Of feed 10 give Is a
difficulty with many. and there can be
no exact rule. for hens differ in their
appetite as DO all other animals.
A too fat hen won't lay. and a too
poor hen cant. for she hasn't any ex.
ira feed 10 manufacture into eggs
From Feeding for Eggs" in the In
diana Farmer
II is safe to say give all they will
eat for the evening meal: let the
breakfast be rather scant. but nour.
ishing. SO they will feel good. and yet
not be SO cropful that they will not
exercise
There Is always money in eggs. but
quite frequently the poultry Is man
aged SO poorly that the money for the
eggs gathered is not enough TO pay for
the feed consumed. to say nothing Of
the bother.
A large saving in the cost Of rails
ing hog may be accomplished by
boiling all its food A haif.bushel Of
corn boiled will 20 as far again and
fatten better than as much corn fed
dry. II the table refuse can be added
to the kettle il will he still better
The word develop" is often mis-
used for the word "fatten.r This is
a mistake. In order to develop a
pig he must have suitable food 10
keep up a good growth Of bone and
muscle. and regular exercise to give
him strength and vigor.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
PATTI Wanted Her Money

One OF Aaeiina PATHS pecuN rtfs.
was that she never sang "a ant. .r,l
she had her salary either raI W. y
fully assured that there wa 90 ags.
as 10 her getting H. When sh, ,ars
az the Academy OF Music r Naw
York. az one time the m8ua-.r VIA
sorely put about 20 find MONIES rsv
her but she always stoutiy refused Is
sing until she had her salary
one night az "a quar.er nasf h.-
representative went 10 him >.
Madam is all dressed esq ha-
shoes She will PUT those %
she gets the money"
The manager. half distrac'e z
about the house and succeed
ing onehalf the amount due 4
donna. which he hastily sert l.r
But another quarter ~ an hoH
and. though the audieuc vel
great Impotence. there was n0 p.r-
whereat the manager ran to l. m
NY dear madam. why dc M 81 4;
90 on? have sent you hat ts
money. and the rest will I
before the end Of the first aef
Patti smiled dolefully exhibited Tie
tips Of her feet and said SON e.
have only one shoe on cau-J So
on the stage without the other L
would be quite impossible"
Almost crazed. the manage rushed
ont and discovered that the other tali
OF the money could be raised -New
York Tribune.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
Pope,s Unused Return TLsks..

An American gentleman VINO recent
~ had private audience with 'ne
pope relates a touching story 81 lis
experience. He says that hi- holiness
took from his pocket during the inter-
view a small. handsomely chased -
yer box or case, similar to a purse.
and, opening il. showed bis visitor
the unused half Of round Trim ra-
way ticker from Venice 10 Rome ana
return. He explained that when RE-
came 20 the conclave Of cardinals r.
elect a successor 10 Leo XIII ae -'
chased that ticket and fully expected
IL TO carry him back 10 his homf
God changed his plans for hum he
did not murmur. although DE- NoA'l
much prefer 10 be in his OIL home pr
joining St Marks cathedral 10 Venice
and among his beloved par'-hlonr..s
than occupy his exalted hu' i'afs
throne in the Vatican And WITH tears
in his eyes his holiness said Iaa' w
kept this little relic always on his ie'.
son and IL gave him great cem'oI q
take it out and inspect it.-M A-A'i-
TO Star
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
TIPS IN SCOTLAND.
An Example Of How Some Servants
Win Their Wages.

A gentleman was invited 10 a shoot
in Scotland at two places close togeth.
er. He arrived al the first place. and
Immediately after his arrival al the
first house received a telegram calling
him back 10 town. He. however. de-
termined 70 have one DAYS shooting
and % proceed TO town by the night
mail
AT the end Of the day he gave the
head keeper { I and asked him 10 send
his gun and cartridge bag over 10 the
other place for which he had an invi.
tation and where he proposed proceed.
ing in three or four days time.
On his arrival there after his visit 10
town he found his gun. etc. had not
arrived. whereupon he wrote TO the
keeper asking him 10 forward il al
once and he received a reply stating
that when he Cthe Keeper had re-
ceived the other GO 10 which he was
entitled the gun would be forward.
Cd. II was detained till payment was
made
The gentleman wrote 10 the keen.
ers master and received a reply that
he 1.-THE masterl never interfered be.
tween his guests and his servants IN
the matter Of tins The gentleman
ascertaineg that the master in ques.
tion paid the keeper no wages. but
left him 10 get what be- could out ~
the guests London Times.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
Eiftv-DoIIar Dinners.

Dinners al $50 a plate arr II 0'-
mon in New York as tiye.io.Iai -'-
ners are in London and Paris. sai-
chef. Our extravagant dinners a-
no better than the cheaper ioIe.Al
ones. Their cost is caused noi W n"
exquisite cooking OF exqui~ N
terials. but BY the use Of exotic W..
whose expense is their chief f'eo-
mendation. What do ! mean Ns ~
otto foods2 Well. ! mean cane AVE.
instead Of the ordinary beet ro'' h'--
for the compete: mean Wiz i,, ~
stead OF the cultivated for ms 'A.'--
back: | mean sole brought alNe
England and sterlet from NH','a
when our own native FISH "
conditioned | mean dollhouse sN1
berries as big as apples. pears n
as cocoanu's and grapes "a
peaches. all tasting rather VIZ
pumpkin. but looking very NM
zard weather. Foolish foods
then. it's only foolish people "a' ~
fifty-dollar dinners '-CincinnaA
uuircr.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
BETTER THAN THE GROUNDING
Old Farmer Had Own Weather Siqn
That Never Went Wrong.

10 believe in the groundhOg?" re-
rlied the old farmer with a smile. az
The question was put 10 him. Wall
! cant say as | do. Mebbe there s
some as DO and mebbe they find him
all right. but j reckon its mostly folks
in the cities I've noticed that they
sit all sorts o notions into their
heads"
BUT there is a groundlcg. isn't
there"
Mebbe. but no farmer can swear
TO IT,"
But tradition tells US that the
grounding comes ont Of his burrow on
the second day Of February"
Like enough he does. but | never
heard Of any farmer fool nun 70
watch for him.
Then you can't believe that If he
sees his shadow he will 90 back i'm his
burrow and stay for six weeks was
asked
What's his shadow got to do with
it,"
Il can't say
no more can 1 He's a fool OF a
grounding if he don't make his bur.
row in the woods. and how's he goin'
20 see his shadier there2 Would il
make any difference if a calf saw his
shadder on that day2'
Then I can take it that you don't
believe in the old saying
II haint savin' yes or no 10 the
grounding bizness. replied the old
man. but I'm tellin you that I've got
better thing. When git Up on the
mornin' Of February take a good
long look al the old woman's face. II
see scowl between her eyes and
hear her teeth griffin ! git ready for
six weeks Of snow and hail and iawin
and faultfndin' and calm me names
If there's a smile on her face instead
and she makes extra good slapiackg
for breakfast l just turn TO and begin
to grease the plow and hunt up the
seed corn and look for blue birds and
robins within ten days. The rest OF
the folks can have the grounding II
they want 10. but as for me. gimme
the old woman every time"
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-04-30
A Rural Editors Spring Poem.

This Is the season for planting seed,
And it's also the printers time of need
Sow radish seed. and lettuce. too.
And pay the printer whatever is due.
Go build Yourself an onion bed.
And remember the printer must be fed
Sow several rows OF early peas.
And pay for last years paper, please
Dig up the earth round each strawber
~ vine.
And II you want your paper, just droI
a line.
Plant some potatoes 10 put in the hash
And remember the printer is short OF
cash.
Fix up hill or so OF beans.
And with the editor divide your means
OF watermelons you'll need patch.
The editors pants needs one to match.
Pay up your subscription.
Then plant your corn.
And you'll raise big crop.
As sure as you're born.
-Olean Times.