The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-28
Mr.. Dooley on Political Events
BY F. p. dunno.

knows no brother. Us old Dimmy-
Gratis, we viii meet, but We will miss
him. We have missed him often on
iliction day. Now we will miss him
f'r tn four years between, too. He
will make a great sicrety ~ war. In
time " throuble We may be sure that
his soOrd will flash firm its seabbaTd
an his voice be heerd proclaimin' in
elaryon tones: Me brave boys. befure
us lies tn inimy's camp. Follow me
an we will soon be in it
But even more important thin tn
departmint iv war is tn departmint
w green goods. tn hand that cashes
tn pay checks is tn hand that rules
tn wurruld, as tn pote says. An
here again we have a thried an
thrusted Dimmycrat. I do not know
him, though I've often pasted his
lithygraft in me front window. But
he's a great frind iv Hogan's. Hogan
was very happy over this appointment.
Whin he read about it in tn pa-aper
he burst into song: At last, he says,
we are in power. To We, Misther
Sicrety iv tn Threasury, me greetings
an tn top iv tn mornin'. Rithry
colleague, fellow grocer, brother Dim
mycFat! Oft IN me impechuse youth
have I hoped over ye'er skids. or
gazed with wondhrin' eyes into ye'er
windows fruited deep with peach an
pear, an pearline an prune. Oft have
l seen ye with a sugar scoop in wan
hand an a copy iv Marcus Aureelyus
in tn other. Oft have I voted for We
whin Roger Sullivan led tn way. Oft
whin tortured by some Republican to
name wan Dimmycratic leader that
shaved ivry day, woIe a stovepipe hat
outside iv a parade an didn't have an
inthrest in a faro bank. have l shout
ed ye'er name An now to think "
We, me brother in Apollo an Andrew
Jackson, settin' down there I'm WASH
'ntOn at tn cashiers window ftsilf, be
hivens, almost makes me weep. I'm
goin' to take a thrain,' says Hogan,
an ask him f'r a job. 1 wanst broke
a transparency bearin' his name over
IL AAEo0 ~ a NTGIllalA III E1d4SICQ
sthreet,' he says. I wudden't 60.
says 1. Ia write tn application I'M
dher an assumed name, dhrop it into
letter box an rum, says I. If We whit
down We might find him busy helpin
to construct a tariff bill that wud pro-
tict our infant INDUSTRIES. an he
mightn't want to be disturbed says L
An there We are. 1 don't know what
tn Republicans wud do If It
wasn't f'r US Dimmycrats, both be-
fure, at an afther tn nIictions. Ye
heerd how we thwarted tn almost in
human conspiracy against Uncle Joe
Cannon. 'Tis a romantic story. Ye
know Uncle Joe? Annyhow, we've seen
his face in pitchers-a handsome face
but visionary and incautious. Out here
in Illinye where we have seen his WIZ
ruk, we know this sainted characktef
F'r many years Uncle Joe has ruled
tn house " representatives be love an
be love alone. His is a soul. as the
pote says, that is a start an dweIls
apart. He niver shud've been in pol
lytieks. He is tn kind iv a man We
wud get TO judge a flower show, but
he wud be useless in a horse thrade
He knows no more about pollyticks
thin Canada Bill knew about three
card monty. He had been in Wash
'nton nanny yearsSmore thin tn con-
spirators, but what does experience
count to a man who had done nawthin'
all his life but take bad money in
change f. good. An these savage.
pow'rful an injanyous men detar-
mined to creep up behind this unwary,
imprudent old philanthropist an de-
sthroy him They almost did it. too
Havin' absolute confidence in human
nature, he niver SUSPECTS anything
He was ike a timid fox among a horde
| iv feerocyous hens. 1t was pitiful to
see him setting up there, with cigar
tilted in his mouth an an expression
on his face like man with four iv a
kind in his hand watchin' an English
man wondhrin' whether he ought to
come in an dhraw four. Meanwhile
tn crafty conspirators conspired as
their wont is in secret on tn f1ure iv
tn house, on tn sthreet corner or in
tn dark an gloom iv tn barroom,
while he wint his gulleless way, attn
his cigar in contint. tiliyphoning to
Pat McCarren an Charlie Murphy,
visitin' tn White house two or three
times day, tElygrafting. as usual, to
county chairmen around tn country.
In his delusion tn poor man was even