davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Young Peoples Association. - The
monthly business meeting of the Young
Peoples association OF the Broadway
Presbyterian church was held in the
Sunday school rooms last evening at
S o'clock. The committee which has
been working on a revision of the con-
stitution for several weeks reported.
The most important change made is
the time for the election of officers.
Formerly the officers have been elect
cd in October, because that is the
month i'll which the association was
founded, but most of the organizations
of the church elect their officers in
March. and all reports are submitted
TO the presbytery in that month. On
the request of the session the change
was made. The officers terms will eX-
pirc next month, and then there will
be an election and the newly elected
will hold office till March. Other
minor changes were made in the con
stitution, and the committee was CIV
en- power to have the constitution
printed as it was adopted
The president appointed a commit
tee to nominate officers. A special
meeting will be held next Tuesday ev-
ening for the purpose of hearing the
report of this committee and -electing
officers. After the meeting was adj
jourued, refreshments were served.
To Have Popcorn Carnival. - "The
Sunshine Girls" class of the Second
Christian bible school and teacher,
Miss Violet Strupp. will give popcorn
at the church tomorrow even
ing. a charge for admission will be
made. Popcorn and homemade can
dies will be for sale, and at o'clock
the following program will be given:
Song, "Welcome'-Sunshn class.
Piano Solo-Agnes Schillinger.
Song tselecteD- quartet.
Character Duet, Upper Ten and
Lower Five" Miss Strupp, Nellie
ROseberg.
Song, The Concert" Master Rob
ert Beck
TableauX - Everybody Works but
Father, the Young Physician, If | Only
Had a Sweetheart, Goddess of Liberty,
Is There Room With the Angels for
Me? Rock of Ages.
Selection-Social quartet.
Song, Good Night"-Sunshine class.
eowes-Ostrom.-The marriage If
Henry Bowes and Miss Beatrice Os-
from, both of this city, was solemn |
ized at Galva Monday afternoon 1T
o:3V O'Clock by Rev. c. o. McCulloch. !
formerly pastor here of the First
Methodist church. in which the bridc
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Back Number.

The r1ilismaid may as we'll retire.
She isn't in IL now.
heN're using an electric pump
With which TO milk the COW.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Misnamed.

In making trips around the watch
The second hand is first
AT least exactly half the time
Now, what do You know about that
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Had Kind Friends.

What is the price OF lemons la this
burs?' asked tho newcomer.
Il really couldn't say"
Don't Won use tbem:"
"Yes. but have plenty given to me-"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
"Wednesday, September 20, 1909.

Any country with fine, large tropi-
cal island that it would like 10 trade
for a perfectly good north pole should
write at once.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

"What are plutocrats. anyway
They are the fellows that get ihs
bOcd,e."
The loot. rs it wcrc:"
None other"
Then why don't they call them tho
lOotUcrats:"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Knew Without seeino.

Are you posted OH explorationsT'
Somewhat"
What about the north pole?"
Snow
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Mr.. Roosevelt has gathered in
enough elephant ivory to make him
self several sets of new teeth should
he ever chance TO need them.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
COOKIES MAJORITY is 2,o11
Official Canvass of Vote in the Fourth
judicial District.

The official canvass of the returns
of the Fourth judicial election shows
that Hon. George \. Cooke of Aledo
received q total of 22,315 votes, AS
against 20,30f for Milton Mcclure Of
Beardstown, giving the former a ma
jOrity of 2,011 in the district. The
total vote in the II counties was:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

81 have great confidence in BilkiBS."
Think he is on The square
There isn't Il dishonest bair in his
head"
We'll. there won't Ice soon if that
bald spot doesn't stop spreading"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Discrimination.

Think the duke will like poker;''
He ought tU. He is good judge OF
bands"
lis he:"
He will only hold Que belonging 20
an heiress"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
HuInor and
Philosophy
By DUNCAN m. SMITH
PERT PARAGRAPHS.

WHEN a woman has her way she
doesn't understand why her bus
band should be unable TO do rs well
and have his.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
SOCIAL AFFAIRS

LSociety news, written or telephoned
TO the society editor OF The Argus, will
be gladly received and published But
in either case the identity of the sender
must be made known. to insure relia-
bility Written notices must bear sig
nature and address
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
THE ARGUS.

Published Daily and Weekly at 1924
Second avenue, Rock Island, Ill. LEn-
tered at the postoffice as second-class
matter.1
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Why He Likes IL.

Are Won fond of music:"
Yes: it keeps bores quiet some
times"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Epworth League Has Election.-Of-
ficerS for the year were elected at the
meeting Monday evening of the Ep-
worth league of the First Methodist
church. The officers are: President,
S. E. Madison; first vice president
Miss Bertha Jonassen; second vice
president. Miss Ethel Morse; third
vice president, Miss Milliccnt Spencer:
fourth vice president, Miss Ruby VIII
liams; secretary, Miss Dorothy Stev-
ems; treasurer, +. X Rhoads.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

COOKIES majority ............... Poll
The canvassing board for Rock ISL
and county reported the following
vote:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

When honesty comes In touch with
4 choice bit of graft something bnp-
pens that doesn't always get into the
public prints.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Silver Circle Elects Offcers.-The
Silver Circle of the First Methodist
church met with Miss Ella Taylor, 904
Nineteenth street, last evening, it be-
ing the first gathering for the years
work. Officers were elected as fol-
lows: President, Miss leila Barrett;
first vice president, Miss Garnet War.
rem; second vice president, Miss Mary
Snyder; third vice president, Miss
Minnie Swain; secretary, Miss Julia
Hartman; treasurer, Miss Myrtle Ell
mendorf. The society is to change its
name to the regular one used by the
auXiliaries of the WOmau's Home Mis-
sionary society, which is Queed
ESther's Circle.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

have a reputation TO keep and live UP
to.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Birthday surprise.-About % friends
surprised Mrs. Frank L. Thomas, f15
Seventh street. Monday evening. gath
ering at I o'clock dinner in celebra-
ton of her 25th birthday
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

The man who
is dead against
you. but ism L
saying anything
about il. is liable
TO land good aud
hard some dark
night.
You are due to
feel let down aft
or yon have met
n holdup man.
It is n COM
fOTiing thing 10
have u stupid
person about UC-
casiOualIy; it
ma kcs Yourself
feel SO witty and
brilliant.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

has for d number OF years been an
active worker. Mr.. and Mrs. BoWeS
left for the west on their wedding
trip. On their return they will take
up their residence in this city. They
will be followed in their new life by
the well wishes of a host of friends.
The groom is employed by the Vetie
Carriage company, Moline. His bride
for several years was connected with
the Modern Woodman head Office
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Gard Party and Darce.-The Fratcr-
nal Aid association will give a card
party and dance Friday evening, Oc,.
l. at Beselin's hall. Members and
their friends are invited
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

BY THE J. w. POTTER CO.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29
Rowesostrom.-The mar

wes-Ostrom.-The marriage If
henry Bowes and Miss Beatrice Os-
from, both of this city, was solemn
ized at Galva Monday afternoon 1T
$50 O'Clock by Rev. c. o. McCulIoch.
formerly pastor here of the First
Methodist church. in which the bride
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

Plate Shower for Miss McCandIess.
Miss iIvangeline Casteel entertained
at fourcoursc luncheon and plate
shower for Miss Marian McCandless
last evening at o'clock at the Cas-
teel bungalow on Rock river The
bungalow was decorated with green
and white hearts and each guest .'e-
ceived a Japanese rice umbrella as Il
souvenir.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1909-09-29

son-BodeIson.-At the home II
the brides father. John Bodelson. 1917
Thirty-fifth street, Monday evenin".
was celebrated the marriage OF John
e. Johnson and Miss Alice Nyleen
Bodelson. Rev. David Holmberg, pas
tor of the Swedish Baptist church. or
ficiated in the presence of company
of the relatives and friends 4 we'd
ding dinner was served. The couple
will reside with the brides Father
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
Trouble I'm ths ROYAL Palace.

From Success.
The Shakespeare Club OF New Orleans
used TO give amateur theatrical per-
formances that were distinguished for
the local prominence OF the actors.
once a social celebrity with a gor-
geous costume. as one OF the lords
in waiting. had only four words 10
say: THE queen has swooned." As he
stepped forward, his friends applauded-
ed vociferously. Bowing his thanks,
he faced the king and said. in a very
high-pitched voice. The swoon has
queened."
There was a roar OF laughter; but
he waited patiently. and made another
attempt:
The sween has cooned."
Again the walls trembled and the
stage manager said. In voice which
could be heard all over the house,
Come Off, you doggoned fool"
But the ambitious amateur refused TO
surrender, and in a rasping falsetto. as
he was assisted off the stage. he
screamed: THE coon has sweened."
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
improvements on Naval Shins-

While the ships OF the Atlantic feet are
engaged in target practice under condl-
tioas which are closely akin 10 the cir
cumstances attending actual war. the
ships are also undergoing other impor-
tant tests. When the vessels were re-
Gently at the navy yards for the semi
annual overhauling and receiving the
alterations which were planned for them
in the scheme OF improving naval con-
structlon and equipment. upon them
were installed a number Of devices which
we're uncommon enough to be regarded
rs revolutionizing the appearance OF those
ships Among other things. they were
equipped with a new skeleton fre-controI
mast which had been previously sub
5ected TO trial 10 ascertain the ability OF
the structure 10 resist attack. Another
Improvement was the removal Of what Is
known as the tophamper. including emer-
gency cabins. from many Of the boats.
and the obstructions which impeded move
nents above deck and added to the tar
get for an enemys guns, as well as in
creased the weight to be carried by a
vessel.
There is some question whether IN
adopting these changes the Navy Depart
ment did wisely. It is a case Of ascertain
Ing under practical conditions whether the
theories Of the experts are sustained. Op-
portunity, therefore. has been given those
on board the vessels OF the Atlantic fleet
10 report upon the two important improve
ments. along with others less conspicuous
but quite as valuable in contributing 10
naval efficiency. II 1t shall be shown that
the alterations we're justified. and that
the new skeleton towers are Of proper
height and sufficiently stable 70 answer
every purpose as towers OF observation
in connection with fire control. and too
much Of the tophamper has not been re-
moved. the benefits will be extended to
ships generally.
This is the sensible proceeding. and
marks a businesslike policy which has
some consideration for prudent expendi-
ture Of the appropriations made for the
naval service.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
Swearing for Health.

Thou shalt not swear is an injunc-
ton against good health. according TO
the dictum Of a distinguished English
physician. The Continent learned long
ago from tourists that the British tub
and the British oath travel together The
one is tradItlonally heralded as the hall
mark OF civilization. The other is now
proclaimed as promoter and preserver
Of sound minds in sound bodies. This
scientific advocate Of round oaths pro-
nounces them OF psychological and. there
fore. OF physical benefit. The emotions
demand a safety valve The Englishman
may be phlegmatic: but his stolidity may
be upset by the failure OF a Partisan
waiter to understand his insuiar French.
In such emergency. service may be quick
ened and digestion promoted by an ex-
pletive that needs no interpreter, The
animals and birds furnish natural prece-
dents. All OF them have their cries Of
anger. When a British subject is an
noyed. he suffers at once an ebullition
Of superfuous mental and physical en-
ergy His comfort and health. which in
his own estimation are paramount. de-
mand relief by some form OK expression.
The irate Engllshman may get rid OF
this injurious emotion by running, kick
ing, smashing a carafe, or swearing.
Otherwise. suppressed choler may cause
blood-poisoning and may strain the brain.
British tourists possibly owe a vote
Of thanks to this medical man. They
now may cite scientific authority for
swearing their way around the world.
The amusing quality Of this prescription
is its grave assumption or superior i'm
munity. Perhaps that is based upon the
established servility Of the English lackey.
But 1t is conceivable that the advice OF
this learned doctor may get some OF his
wandering patients into trouble There
are possible objects OF their wrath in
other lands who would maintain that
self-respect is not inconsistent with serv-
ice. and who would increase the sum
total Of British profanity by an answer
ing smash OF the foreign fist
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31

When Mr.. Harry Thaw was recently
refused a release from the New York
Asylum for the Criminal Insane. he
remarked. with deep feeling" we are
assured by a sentimental writer. 7 am
so sorry for mother"
While It is by no means discreditable
to Mr.. Thaw that he should. at last.
have been moved 10 feel so sorry" for
his old mother, Il IS to be regretted, both
for her sake and for his. that he was
not impelled TO that mental attitude some
few years earlier. Much Of the bitterness
Of unrelenting regret might have been
saved TO many people. and months and
even years OF deep humiliation avoided
thereby.
Better than all OF this. however would
It have been for both Harry Thaw and
the elder Mrs. Thaw had the young man
been consieerate enough IN earlier years
TO have been glad for mother" That
was the great thing he neglected and
omitted TO do. She lavished wealth upon
him; she did all size knew how 10 make
his existence bright and happy. She
wanted him 10 enjoy life-to be glad
Had he accepted her contributions to his
pleasure-misguided as they may have
been-with righteous appreciation. and
employed them in a manly and honest
way. he might have been very glad. IN
deed: and glad for his old mothers sake.
Sorry for motherr After dragging her
down 10 the depths OF despair, after
leading her along pathways OF woe un-
utterable and anguish indescHbable. to
be sorry for mother" isn't much. Prob
ably it IS the best shriveled and sordid
nature such as Harry Thaw's has 20
give; and II that be the case, let him
have such credit as may be due him for
H. AS he sits IN his isolation at Mattea-
wan and reviews his wretched past--lf he
does that-it may not. Of course. rem
edy deplorable situation in any marked
degree II now and then he feels sorry
for mother" At least. however. It Will
do BIN no harm.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
ADVANCES HELPFUL IDEAS.
Georgia Woman Strikes a Note OF
Warning 10 Wizard Burbank.

GeOrgia Woman Strikes Note of
Warning 10 wizard Burbank.
From the Cleveland Leader.
No Marathoning tactics VIII DO for the
man who wishes to keep ahead these
days. He cannot plod along determined
". He must sprint all the while.
There's Burbank. for instance. One
would think his ideas would keep him far
in the lead. but here's a Georgian woman
not only making him stand at the post
so far as Ideas for phenomenal improve
ments are considered. but also pointing
cut the way 10 others 70 pass her in the
race.
This fair Georgian IS an esthet!c phIIan-
thropist. She is working in the interests
OF the true, the good, and the beautiful
especially the last. Her soul has been
wrung, both personally and with the
vicarious weights OF others sorrows
when beautiful flower gardens and de-
hghtful green lawns have been DESTROYED
by hungry chickens.
So she put her mind 10 work. Ths
present breed OF chickens. she logically
argued. will scratch. The remedy lies in
changing the type. So she has set about
IT, Her purpose is 20 breed a chicken
with only one leg. 1t will need AT least
that TO stand upon. The voice Of nature,
crying through centuries. will sound in
this one-pinned chicken and bid Il
scratch. A few attempts will prove the
uselessness Of this atavistic desire and
the chicken viii adapt itself TO its con-
ditions. Chickens OF this sort viii lay
as we'll: they will furnish themselves as
MUMMY and fanFarIv 70 the etov-f-,~~
kettle or the frying-pan. And the lawns
Will be saved
The gallinaceous improvement which
this woman will work. Il her scheme
proves as practical as & Is alluring.
should send other humanitarians on ike
services. Those who sleep badly at night
will decorate with laurels and gid with
gold the scientific investigator who shall
produce yowl-less cat and a type Of dog
that will not bay the moon. The Georgia
woman, having pre-empted the chicken
field. should be urged 20 produce a
rooster that viii not greet the dawn.
any time from u o'clock to 4; and. in
time, sparrow that viii not chatter may
result.
Inanimate objects. too, should furnish
grand opportunities. Milk bottles that
will not clink in the early morning hours;
furnaces that can be shaken without
awakening the hghtest sleepers. are on
the wanting list for improvement, and
any one who reads this can point the
way TO other things which should be thus
Burbanked into usefulness without a
shadow OF a drawback More power 10
the brains that shall undertake such
tasks: more enthusiasm and undying per-
sistence!
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
Cupid TO the Rescue.

Various parties with nothing better to
do have been industriousiy engaged dur
ing late years abclishing the horse. His
doom was read when the bicycle appeared.
1t was reread a little later along when
the automobile came into general use.
Now the airshlp has sent his equine
majesty TO limbo again.
But the horse will never go. Cupid
needs the horse in his business, and as
CuDid's business is one industry that has
withstood tho ravages Of thousands OF
years and the shocks Of falling empires
untold. we opine that so long as Cupid
stands by the horse. the horse we shall
have with us still. A sweet young thing
Of the summer girl persuasion has fixed
the horses everlasting status by con-
trasting him with the automobile as the
two affect youthful philosophy and things
romantic
Says she:
''No young man can make love properly while
operating automobile. In the first pace. his
hands kept too busy With the steering gear TIE
levers. and things. Jogging along behind old Dob
bin, with just JOG two In the buggy-that is quite
another story. More hearts have been won under
the latter conditions than IN all the automobiles
sTrr dreamed o..
We think we see the drift OF the argu-
ment, and we admit its apparent sound
ness. Without the horse. buggy rides
would be impossible for purposes Of court
ship. The automobile. while exhiiarating.
IS not. we might say. sentimentally in
tozicating. With Dobbin heading the
professions. things take on a different
hue entirely--a more roseate hue. indeed.
In emergencies the reins may be wrapped
about the whip socket or thrown around
the dashboard. The automobile, on the
contrary, requires such constant personal
attention that romantic situations and
acute crises must be sacrificed to per-
sonal safety. no matter what the imme-
date demands OF the occasion otherwise.
The horse Is safe. He viii not be abol-
ished now or soon. He plays an impor-
tant part in our scheme OF things here
below. His place cannot be supplied by
anything else in certain definite circum-
stances. We feel easy about the horses
future at last
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
A Rare Economy.

From the Atchison Globe
4 am a very economical woman" said
Mrs. Lysander John Appleton recently
when a friend suggested that S25 was
a good deal for her to pay for a hat
and will prove it TO you" She led
her visitor into a room that had been
built on the back Of the house and
showed her a ball of twine so large il
filled the nine by nine foot room. 10
the exclusion Of anything else. Il be-
gan saving the strings off packages
when 1 was first married" said Mrs
Lysander John, "and now look what my
saving has amounted to! Two years ago
we were compelled to build this room
on purpose for my twine ball, as there
was no room for II IN the house, and
within another year we will have to
double the size OF this room. II there
Is another woman In the town half as
economical, 1 would like to know her
name" And Is there? Come, sisters.
show up your twine balls?
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31
A NEAR ANTHEM.

Ny country, beauteous land I'll sing if you viii stand
song thee My harp is rather my voice somewhat
hoarse yet will try force melody Fair land that
my BIRTH gem of the whole blamed EARTH bark my screeds Tell
tell me why prices have scared high that
h buy things that he Things that eatlemons
and prunes and like Sam Hill carpets and rugs and
neckes and shoes and hats shirng hide his Stats empty
his l All through the week work. like unlaundered Turk
for few bucks odds how hard try, of wealth I'm always
shy, and when travel ride the trucks They say that half
punk bought and better junk, in the old days than will
bones in the big modern store prices learned
soar FIVE hundred ways My country hear my wordl You
hummingbird also peach! Splendid in peace and
thou eugen satel why prices clear OF reach
ccouriht 1903 by George Mathew Aaams WALT MASON.
The Washington herald., 1909-08-31

From the Chicago Tribune
Charlotte Crabtree, otherwise ''Lotta"
(ask your father II he ever saw her on
the stagel. has Just won litigation which
viii bring her property valued az S1O0.-
900. She is worth. 1t is said. S1.o00.0O0
made by investing her stage earnings in
real estate IN large cities. She was never
counted a beauty. she did not eacour-
age the "Johnnies;" did not figure in the
divorce court in any capacity, and she
cult playing before the public got tired
of her. No benefit performances had 70
be given for her after her retirement. She
was altogether respectable, and she paid
her own bills. Quite an old-style actress.