The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-10-13
A. TELEGRAPH JOKER,
He Knew What the Crowd Want
ed and Delivered the Goods.
ELECTION RETURNS TO SUIT.

Swung States and National Chairmen
Into Line In His Reports and Gave
the Boys Of the Mining Camp the
Time Of Their Lives.
A funny incident happened on the
night of the national election of 1896
ln little camp tucked away In the
mountains of southwestern Colorado.
where the only means of quick com
municatioD with the world were sin
gle uncertain telegraph wire and a sin
gle more uncertain telegraph operator
Naturally only the nerest scraps of
election news reached the camp, hut
before the certain news of McKinley's
election ccnId have been got the uncer.
tain operator had fallen Il victim to his
favorite vice and. further had fallen
beneath the table.
The only other person who knew any.
thing about telegraphy was shorty"
the local wit and humorist. who volun-
teered to write out the election returns
as they clicked off from the telegraph
instrument. Political sentiment was
aflame for Bryan. News of his election
was not only sought. but demanded for
the average American miner Is as san
guine concerning the uncertainties of
politics as he Is CONCERNING the uncer-
tainties of mining. The volunteer teleg-
rapher was noted for an obliging dis
position. He was the genial" Of the
camp.
The boys" had placed stores of
giant powder at various points. They
had cleaned and oiled their six shoot
ers and retilled their cartridge belts.
Bonfires were ready to be lighted on
the hillsides. and natural enthusiasm
had been stimulated at the Metro
pole. the Cosmopolitan. the Fashion.
the Trocadpro and less pretentiously
camp existence-in fact, every pre-
liminary to the grandest celebration
the San Juan country ever had known.
Shorty was not the man to neglect
'an opportunity like that. The first
bulletin he handed to the waiting
crowd stated that New York and In
diana were Ia doubt and it looked like
a close election. with the chances fa-
voring Bryan. That whetted the
crowds keen appetite for returns to
razor edge. The second bulletin sent
their spirits up with leap, Bryan
has carried Kansas, and the Demo
Gratis are claiming Iowa"
"Whoopee." from the crowd.
Shorty bent his ear to the clicking
sounder and inscribed Bulletin No. B.
Illinois joins the Bryan column with
4kuO. 900 majority. Indiana certain. New
York very close"
When the deafening chorus had died
down a young member of the party
asked the leader. Hadn't we better
begin to set Off the giant?"
Before the leader could answer
Shorty reproved him by word and
look. "Don't so off half cooked" he
said. ITS always best to wait until
you are 81 a. You can't be too con-
servative in a case like this"
After long pause. in which the
crowd displayed much impatience. the
imperturbabe and conservative Shorty
transcribed bulletin No. 4. but before
passing 1t ont he said:
Nov, boys. don't do anything rash.
Wait for the actual returns"
Bulletin No. 4 read. Senator Jones
claims Ohio and Pennsylvania for Bry-
an"
Under ordinary circumstances a
doubt might have been expressed con-
cerning the probability of such states
reversing their political records. but
the crowd was convinced of an i'm
pending landslide for their favorite
and yelled with delight. "Now we are
beginning to get the news" remarked
Shorty when the cheering ceased, and
he began 10 write bulletin No. as
follows:
New York gives Bryan 100000 plu-
raity; Indiana. 10000. Returns from
Wisconsin and Minnesota indicate
large Democratic gains
The crowd heard only the first SEN
tence. Shouting. cheering, yelling.
screaming. 1t broke for the street.
Hold on" called Shorty. Here's
another"
Bulletin No. q. Quay comedies Penn
sylvunia to Bryan"
Another fragment broke from the
crowd and ran down the street shout
ing the news. The new operators pen.
Gil was travelling rapidly over the pa.
EXECJJTRIX, NOTICE.