Alaska sentinel., 1909-01-28
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Daily News.
 Would you give up your seat to a woman in a carf' How do I know? Never had a seat yet myself. lf.'-Phila- delphia Ledger.
 Maud-But do you believe In yacci- nation? Bessie-Rather. It kept my sister from playing the piano for near ly a week.-Philadelphi Inquirer.
 What do you want with this auto- mobile catalogue?' T propose to write some dialogue for it, and then It will be a motor novel. Washington Her aid.
 Marks-Say, old man, did ever tell you about the awful fright I got on my wedding day? Parks-S-s-h-h. No man should speak that way about your wife Glover.
 Dowager-So you are commencing a practice here. You're rather young, aren't you? Young Medico-Oh-er- well-I only expect to start on chill dren first, you know.-Punch.
 Restaurant Keeper-What you cant pay your check? Out you go then Guest at the Next Table-Here, land lord. while you are about 1t, throw me out, too.-Fliegende Blaetter.
 Are you related to the bride or groom elect?" asked the busy usher. "No." Then what interest have you in the ceremony" I'm the defeated candidate. e."-Christian Register.
 Il trust We shall make you feel quite at home,' remarked the hotel proprie- tor. Don't you try it." expostulated the married man. I'm away for a good time" e"-Philadelphia Record
 Sometimes said the press humor- ist, T think my jokes are rotten. s'pose that's my modesty." 'No," ex- plained a friend, that's your common sense."-Loulsville Courier-Journal.
 "Yes,' remarked Farmer Hodge, my motor cars" But he doesn't own a machine of course not He's one O the constables"- Philadelphia h. quirer.
 What sort of table do they set at your boarding house?' asked the young man who was contemplating a change. "A table of waits and measures" re- piled his friend. 'The first long and the latter short. t."-Tit-Bits.
 When I was your age" said the money of my own" Yes" answered the graceless youth, but don't you think the public was easier then than 1t Is Washington Star.
 How fast do you usually travel?' "I don't pay much attention to that" answered the motorist. "I get most of my excitement in watching the rapidity with which pedestrians move out of my way."-Washington Star.
 Tom-Of course the bride looks love ly, as brides always do. Nell-Yes, but the bridegroom doesn't look altogether fit; seems rather run down. Tom Run down? Oh, yes, caught after a long chase.-Philadelph Press.
 Officer (to new recruit doing sentry 80" for the first time)-Now, mind you, let no one go by without challeng- ing them. Recruit-That's all right, guv'nor. Don't you worry. The slight est noise wakes me up p!-Punch.
 "Is your husband up yet?' asked the early morning caller. II guess he is,' replied the stern-looking woman. I'd like to say few words to him." "I'd like to say more than a few. He hasn't come home yet."-Philadelphia Press.
 The Powder Manufacturer-Fancy old Bill, of all people, going into the gunpowder shed with lighted candle. I should have thought that would be the last thing he'd do. The Workman Which, properly speakin', it were, sir.-The Sketch.
 Hubbie-My dear, if I cannot leave the office in time for dinner tonight will send you a note by messenger? Wifle-You need not go to that ex- pense, George, for I have already found the note In your coat pocket Philadelphia Inquirer
 Garge-Ef t missus doan get better by next Tewsday fortnight I'll sen fer t doctor. Farmer-Why not before, Garge? Garge-Wull, it'll be fowrty years mex Tewsday fortnight since we 'ad t doctor, an I'd like t make 1t even fowrty.-The Tatler.
 Remember" said the earnest in- ventor, it isn't so very many years since the telephone caused laughter" That's true," answered the man who has trouble with central. At first it caused laughter; now it causes pro fanity. Star.
 Have you read the platform of our party?" Yes" answered Farmer Corntossel. What do you think of it?" Its a good platform. But what I want to know is why politics should be the only business tha allows man to