The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-01-31

ton. Representatives Serene Payne.
John DaizeH. and Champ Clark we're dis
covered seated at a table. In due and
! ample form. announcement was made
J that the House Committee on Ways and
Means was in session 10 hear evidence
concerning the tariff And God save
the United states" added the herald.
4 feeiingiy. Repeated efforts by Chairman
/ Serene Payne 10 state the purpose Ct the
4 hearing were rudely interrupted by
Z Champ Clark with advice 10 give them
( that old bunk about the tariff beng re-
vised By its friends. and let's get to
+ business
The Republican party is the friend Of
the tariff." explained Payne. reprOach-
fully
4 hope they're good friends inter
! 5ected Dalzen-
"If you don't believe 1t. look at the
campaign contributions" vas Clark's IN
/ feeling comment:
The first witness IN behalf of the tariff
proved to be Andrew Carnegie. To the
surprise and horror OF Payne and Dali
eel. who tried 10 assault him. Mr. Car
negie. arrayed garishly in kits declared
Cor free trade in steel and on everything
else.
What reason is there for tariff on
steel now that I've got out Of business -
demanded MT. Carnegie. ANY person
who can't get along without q tariff
ought to go out OF business, as did
Jeers from Champ Clark interrupted
I - L.
and Mr.. Carnegie departed. threatening
members took exceptions 20 his testi-
mOny. ThereupOn the triumphant minor
ity OF one demanded 4 hearing for some
OF those from the South. my country.
who oppose the pernicious policy OF pro-
lection solely on principle" A delega-
ton composed OF q Texan, a South Caro-
iinian, and a Democrat from Florida
promptly appeared
Each OF the Southerners denounced, IN
unmessured terms, ''the pernicious policy
OF protection" but the Texan dared the
committee TO remove the duty on hides.
the champion Of South Carolina threat
ened vengeance against any one who
would touch the duty or rice and de-
manded a tariff or sea Island cotton.
while the Florida member insisted on A
duty on citrus fruits. At this point
Champ Clark had 10 be restrained. while
his two Republican colleagues gloated.
do you mean 10 tell me that all YOU
Democrats believe IN protection cried
the amazed Serene Payne. 'Self-protec-
ton" was the reply. At this point q
meek person was seen lowering about the
table Who are your roared the chair
man. "Only a poor consumer" ex-
plained the trembling wretch. What
business have you here?' Il was merely
wondering whether the consumer is TO
get anything" Yes. you viii get it in
the neck, said Chairman Payne. grimly.
The consumer fed It was here that the
sheeted apparition appeared. II am the
ghost Of Winfield Scott Hancock" said
the specter. in solemn tones. 'of Winfield
Scott Hancock. who was laughed 70
death because be said the tariff is a local
issue. The real tariff revisionists.
Mess-s- Payne. DalzeI. and Clark. who
were present, in the flesh. applauded in
appreciative fashion this representation
OF their daily sessions at the Capitol.
Stirring News by Megaphone.
During the dinner bulletins were read
through huge megaphone. as follows:
BULLETIN no. I.
Bulletin from seat q var
Great activity behind White House fo-4iscstjou,.
Battle imminent Forces az Capitol preparing for
stubborn resistance. Gems Cannon and GIdr;rb
sag they VIII never surrender.
LateT-White House ggnnsrS loading big guns with
special messages.
Owing TO sinplised spelling. they are terrible
missiles
Fist message filed with Secret Service erploS;ve
fred at noon with frightful effect
Done q Capitol shot OF and shrieks II v-a,raaS 1
can be heard for miieS
PriFates TaEney. smith. and fitzgerald shriekins
loudeSt.
senate waiting for re-enfsrcemeuts.
Comznder-in-chief At White House orders hat
no mercy shall Be shown
Bomhardnsnt Of scores Of red-hot messages voana
ing and initiating brave boys IN trenches.
sniie house machine guns keep mp steady FIRE /
q rs. muss. shslls and --Eout'S"
Later-Trenendous explosion near Capitol trenches 1
Lster-The explosion vas an enormous yord nine 1
laid By White House engineers Il was loaded with 1
shorT and ugly words
BULLETIN no. 2
Bulletin from the Gri6iroa Clubs correspondent
with the Capitol forces.
Co.'s Hale and Sherman on the raupsr.s SHIRT
Ing Rally. boys rzllyrs
Gems Aldrieh and Cannon say they VII nsrsr
Surrender.
Mai Foraker leads gu. detachment Of nero sol
diers. Eho charge with hand srsnades hned Win 4
words.
Gsa- Cannon decides 20 force the hshtins.
Leter-Sensts brigade waiting for re-enforcsnents
md rStzTn Of scouting party.
1HEnsy battery sees inso acton. supporsed By
Smith rxpsd-Ge bstfe-y
Much language sh0t at White House. snd sscre.
SerVics badly cvippssd
Engagement general
csnnO1's foscss hul toos Of bitter language into
= bite House fortiacztons
Lstsr-Four Secret Se7ice me3 discovered ia
HOUSE forces and shot At dzybreak
A&EAS-Ia<zss4 ssl6isrs froz HOzss brigade rusa