The Plymouth tribune. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1901-1911, 1909-10-28

Spectator-Why don't they begin
The duel? They are waiting for the
photographer" - Meggendorfer Blaet-
ter
Wife-In battle of tongues wom-
an can hold her own. Husband
M'yes, p'r'aps she can; but she never
J does.-Tit-Bits.
Wantanno-Why do you call that
boy of yours ''Flannel?" Duzno-Be-
cause he just naturally shrinks from
washing.-London Tit-Bits.
That clerk of yours seems to be
hard worker" Yes, that's his spe-
cialty." What, working?" NO
seeming to"-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. Blocker upstairs -Bridget,
have you turned the gas on in the par
lor as l told you? The New Domestic
Jewel-Yis. mum; can't yez smell it?
Christian Advocate.
| Elderly Lady--Doctor, am troubled
with a hallucination that l am being
followed by man. What sort of cure
would you suggest? Honest Physician
"A mirror.-Cleveland Leader.
Fortune Teller-You will be very
poor until you are thirty five years Of
age. Impecunious Poet eagerly
And after then? Fortune-Teller-You
will get used to 1.-THE Sketch.
Miss Observation-Disclosures you won't
holt h,rt OBJ fxsf<, 20
kiss me once. Miss Cutting-Really!
Well, he'd have been a strange man If
he'd tried to kiss you twice.-Illus-
| trated Bits.
why does your baby cry so much?"
Say, If you had all your teeth out.
your hair on and your legs SO weak
you couldn't stand on them, / rather
fancy you'd feel like crying yourself"
-Lippincott's.
Al used a word in speaking to
my wife which offended her sorely a
week ago. She has not spoken syl-
| liable to me since. B.-Would you
mind telling me what it was?-Flie-
| gende Blaetter.
Father-Why have you kept me
waiting, Johnny? Johnny-A man
dropped ten cents in the gutter.
Father-Did it take so long to find 1t?
Johnny-No; but / had to wait until
he went away.
Mrs. Hub-What is this thing the
expressman just brought? Mr.. Hub
The settee you asked me to get Mrs.
Hubb-Mercy, what man! / didn't
say a settee; 1 told you tea Set
Boston Transcript.
To-day my wife and myself had
the most foolish squabble of our mar
ried career" And what was the sub
| ject of your discussion" How we
would invest our money II We had
any."-Kansas City Journal.
Il don't see why you are dismiss
ing me-" said his chauffeur, angrily.
Didn't / take you out in your car
| twice last month";" Yes" answered
the owner, "but you wouldn't take me
where wanted to go."-Life.
A young man in Pratt said to the
divine object of his alteration: do
you think your father would object to
me marrying your" She replied: Il
don't know. If he's anything like me
| he would"-Kansas City Star.
Mamma-Edgar, didn't tell you
not to take any more preserves from
the jar? Edgar-Yes, ma. Mamma
Then, II you wanted some. why didn't
you ask for them? Edgar-'Cause /
wanted some.-Modern Society.
Cholly Softhed-Say, Mr.. Killtime, /
-er-love your daughter and want to
marry her. Is there any insanity in
YOUR family? Mr.. Killtime-No,
Young man, there's not. an, moreover,
there amt goin' t be!-Chicago Daily
News.
Gracie-Oh, Mr.. Nocoyne, how lovely
of you to bring me these beautiful
roses! Eow sweet they are, and how
fresh! 1 do believe there is a little
dew on them yet! Nocoyne-W-well,
YES. there Is; but I'll pay 1t to-mor-
row.-Tit-Bits.
DO you and you wife ever have any
differences of opinion?" asked the i'm
pertinent acquaintance. only once in
while" answered Mr.. Meekton.
when Henrietta changes her mind
about something and neglects to no
tify me- Washingto Star.
Stern Parent (bringing out the
strap)-Now, Tommy, | suppose you
know why / am going to whip you.
don't you? Little Tommy-Yes, sir;
you are going to whip me because /
am so small. If was as big as the
man next door you wouldn't dare lay
finger on me.
A New Yorker, dining a Philadel.
phia friend. desired to show him all
the delicacies of the season. One dish
In particular the Philadelphia ex-
claimed over in delight. That IL
made of snails," said his New York
host Don't you have snails IN Phil
adelphia?" ooh, yes" responded the
Philadelphian; "but we can't catch the
pesky things!"-Lippincott' Magazine.
Witness" said the coroner, do you
know what motive the deceased had
In committing suicide?" Yes, judge
your honor" said the witness pom.
pously. Deceased told me his motive
SIR" The coroner, the court officers,
everybody, looked interested. What
was, then, deceased's motive, witness"
said the coroner. why, your honor,
he said he wanted to kill himself"
was the reply.-Troy News.