Manchester Democrat. [volume] (Manchester, Iowa) 1875-1930, 1909-07-21

y NJ
why did you leave your last placer"
asked the boss. Il got six months OF
for good behavior" answered the job
seeker.
Codling-Why did you speak to that
old twamp, dear hoy? Softy-Why
shouldn't l, old chappie? He isn't in
twade, and he doesn't work for liy-
ing.
"Oh, dear!" sighed the helress, II
wish knew whether the duke is going
to propose to me. We'll, rejoined the
penniless beauty, why don't you cable
his solicitors?"
THAT was bad break DR.. Green
made" "What was lit" He advised
our travelling man to give up work for
awhile and travel for his health
Detroit Free Press.
Mary-I wonder why swells wear an
eyeglass? Jane-Why, to block up one
eye, so that they shall see just as much
as they can understand at time
Christian Endeavor World.
Your tickets were complimentary,
were they not?" WELL" replied the
man who had seen painfully amateur
entertainment, Il though they were
until saw the show" -Tit-Bits.
"How did you contrlye to cultivate
m Ill =
Brown. "Oh!" replied Fogg, who had
been practicing upon roller sixties. ~
raised 1t from slip."-United Pres
byterian.
your hair wants cutting badly. sir"
said barber to a customer. mo.
1t doesn't" replied the man in the
chair; at wants cutting nicely. You
cut 1t badly last time."-Democratio
Telegram
Mrs. Stubb-John. they say that one
half of the world don't know how the
other half lives. wonder which half
knows. Mr.. Stubb-Why, the feminine
half. Maria. II they don't know they'll
soon find out.
"Wot's yourn?" asked the waiter of
quick-lunch patron. "Doughnuts and
coffee" was the re ply. And the wait
er sent in the order to the cook by
wireless: "One In the dark an two
rubber tires"
"Algy, dear" remarked a young wife
to her husband. 81 wish you would
taste this milk and see II 1t is perfect
ly sweet II It's the least bit sour I
mustn't give any OF 1t to dear little
Fido!"-Judy.
II understand your husband is some
thing Of an after-dinner speaker"
Yes" answered Mrs. Torkins. what
Charley Is liable to say after dinner Is
the reason we can't keep a cook. p
Washington Star.
Pearl-Jack is the biggest goose I
ever in my life. Ruby-What now,
dear? Pearl-Why. my chaperon lost
her glasses last night when we were
making love and he actually helped to
find them for her.
isn't 1t shame to keep those poor
lions Gagged" Lady" answered the
keeper at the zoo they're much hap
pier and safer there than they would
be roaming the African iungles. -
Washington Star.
Mrs. Peck CONTEMPORARY What
are you, anyhow. a man or a mouse?
Mr.. Peck (bitterly) "A man. my dear;
II were only mouse, I'd have you
up on the table yelling for dear life
right now!-Life.
ut is the duty of every man and
woman to be married at the age Of
o." said the lecturer. We'll. said
woman of 80, with some asperity, you
needn't tell me that. Talk to the man"
Philadelphia Ledger.
Teacher-JoAnny. what is the mean .
Ing Of the word "procrastlnate' Pu-
pil-To put off. Teacher-Right. Use
1t in an original sentence. Pupil-The
brakeman procrastinated the tramp
from the train.-Cleyeland Leader.
What! Going, Braun? Oh. while
you're here at the club stay little
longer. Impossible, my dear fellow.
But will leave my coat and umbrella
here, and perhaps my wife will send
me back to fetch them. "-Meggendo
fer Blaetter.
Pretty Girl-And you really consid-
er it bad luck to go under ladder?
Horrid Bachelor-Sure. l knew
fellow who kissed girl under a ladder
last summer Pretty Girl-And did he
have bad luck? Horrid Bachelor
should say so. They are married now.
What do you want?" asked the lady
of the house of the tramp. "Suthin'
ter eat" II haven't anything in the
house except some bread and timed
beef. Do you want some of that?"
mo" he said. sadly. I'D better move
on. 1t 'ud be pity ter waste such
fine appetite on sech poor victuals."
"These Turks are barbarous people,"
remarked the housewife, as she got
out rhubarb pie. Yes. num-" re-
sponded Sandy Pixies, with low bow.
ITO show my antipathy for dem have
formed a boycott" "A boycott. my
poor mani" Yes, mum; have prom
ised meself never to use a Turkish
towel or take Turkish h."-Chica-
go Daily News.
II see," said DeBorum. who was
making prolonged call. that an Ohio
genius has invented a telephone at
tachment that will enable one to see
person miles away" That may be
all right as far as 1t goes" rejoined
Miss Wearyun. but 1t doesn't go quite
far enough. An attachment that would
keep some people miles away would be
moro practical"
He Explains.
why Is it, professor" asked the
young man with the bad eye. that
when Christopher Columbus discov.