Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-06-11

Oh, yes; Observation-Disclosures Rec
ord.
DO yes kape nothin' but dry goods
hereT mo, ma'am." "Thin where
will be afther goin' for wathered
silk?'
Mabel-Why, he yawned three times
while 1 was talking to him. Her Best
Friend-Maybe he was just trying to
say something, dear.
Father, what is an empty title"
well, an empty title is your mothers
way Of calling me the head Of the
house. New York Herald.
"You say he's professional manY
Yes" But l thought he followed
automobile racing? "He does. He's
a doctor."-Cleveland Leader.
The Bride-I want you to send me
some coffee, please. The Groceries,
ma'am. Ground? The Bride-No, third
floor front.-Woman's Home Compan-
ion.
Officer Ito recruit who has missed
every shot)-Good heavens, man, where
are your shots going? Recruit (tear-
fully)-I don't know, sir, they left here
all right Punch.
HE woke up one morning to find him
self famous" "Well?" But people
had forgotten all about him by the time
the 4 O'Clock extras were out."-Louis-
Vile Courier-Journal.
"We have man in this prison who
never tried to escape" declared the
headkeeper. whats he in for?" in
quired visitor. "Bigamy," replied the
headkeeper.-The Bohemian.
Teacher-What do you understand
by the word "self-denlal?" Pupil-It
Is when some one comes to borrow
money from father and he says he is
not at home.-Fliegende Blatter.
"And did you enjoy your African
trip, mai. Z How did you like the
savages?' 'Oh, they were extremely
kind-hearted! They wanted to keep Inc
there for dinner. Opinion.
Mother (to future son-in-law)-I
may tell you that, though my daugh-
ter is well educated, she cannot cook.
Future SOn-in-law-That doesn't mat
ter much so long as she doesn't try.
Pop, man is bachelor until he gets
marrned isn't he? Tommys pop-Yes,
my son. Tommy-And what does he
call himself afterward. Tommy's pop
I'd hate to tell you, my son.-Philadel-
phia Record.
School teacher-Johnny, what is
patriot? Johnny-A man that tries to
benefit his country. School teacher
And what is politician? Johnny-A
man that tries to have his country ben
eft him-Judge.
$50 you abandond the simple style
Of spelling?' Yes" responded the
former advocate of the fad. II found
1t SO difficult to make people under
stand that l knew r.'-Philadel-
phia Public Ledger.
THAT organist Belle Tilted for the
aged millionaire played spitefu trick
at her wedding" what did he dor"
Instead of playing them up the aisle
with the wedding march, he struck up
Old Hundred. Boston Transcript.
Senior Waiter Ito rather green as
sistant at recent banquet in cele-
brated London hoteD-:Now, then,
young man. do bit o. something, and
don't stand a-gaping and staring there
as If you was the bloomln' guest of the
hevenin'.-TitBts
"That Professor Blink fooled me bad
ly." "How?" ale told me ethnology
was the science Of the races and when
1 went to the library and asked for
book on ethnology there wasn't word
from cover to cover on how to pick
winners. ."-Tit-Bits.
John, you said we'd have to give up
luxuries, and only allow ourselves
necessities "Yes, my dear" but |
you came home last night from the
lodge in taxicab | heard it. THAT |
-er-that was necessity, my dear"
Boston Transcript.
II hope" said n patient, courteous
ly, II have not brought you too far
from your regular round" "Oh, not at
all !" replied the doctor. 81 have an
other patient In the nelghborhood, SO
1 can kill two birds with one stone -
Philadelphia Inquirer.
The girl was recent importation
from the Emerald Isle. MARY" said
her mistress one day this week, what
are you doing with that clock?" Mary
with the servants bed room clock un-
der her ARM m)-Plaze, mum, Dim takin'
1t to watchmaker's. It's all out av
order, mum. livery morning ut foive
O'Clock 1t goes all to pieces an makes
anI,n nt