Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-20
Miseellaneuus Rsadins.
BITS OF SENTENCES.
Humor In the Sermon Text.

don Sunday School Union, Dean Far
lrar, speaking of ministers who TAX
bits Of sentences as texts, told how
DISTINGUISHED ecclesiastic, lately de-
ceased, had once preached very IA
lmous sermon on the text, Heat tn
Ichurch." Everybody knows that Their
lis no such text; 1t Is merely a frag
ment of a verse. Archbishop Whatel!
remarked: He might just as we'll hav'
chosen Hang all the law and th'
prophets But more curious thing
than this are on record in the matte
of sermon texts. When ladies wor'
their "topknot" ridiculously high i
occurred to Rowland Hill to admonisl
them from the pulpit, and he did 1t b!
means of the words, '"ropknot, come
down." which he evolved from Mat
thew xiv, II, Let him which Is OF
the house-top not come down." o
course nothing but the exceeding
quaintness Of the preacher could hav'
excused such liberty with the sense
and sound of the sacred text. 1t wa!
almost as bad as Swift's uniquely brie
discourse on the text, He that hatf
pity upon the poor lendeth to th'
Lord" MY friends" said the dean
as he closed the book, If you approve
Of the security, down with the dust
AS a matter Of fact, it is usually onl!
the quaint preachers who do venture
on such liberties.
Even on the sombre subject Of ma
trimony the clerical humorist has hat
his joke in the way Of texts. Some
times, no doubt, the humor has beer
unconscious, as when the absent
minded preacher, forgetting that hi:
congregation were on the tiptoe Of ex'
pectation in regard to a recent cap.
ture" by one Of their lady members
announced as his text, Behold! thu
bridegroom cometh.' But more Otter
the humor, it may be suspected, ha.
been Intentional. So, at any rate, tint
young bride must have regarded Il
when, having extracted promise Of
wedding sermon from her vicar, sh'
heard the text announced, YEA, al
abundance Of peace 80 long as INT
moon endureth" - honeymoon, o.
course!
The New England Puritan father.
were especially good at this kind o.
thing, partly, no doubt, because the!
shared to such an extent their domes'
tic joys and sorrows with the mem
bers of their congregation. Parsor
Turell-of whom DR.. Holmes has writ
ten, over at Medford he used Il
dwelp'-had for his first wife a hand
some brunette, and the first sermon m
preached after his wedding was from
the text, 'I am black but comely, {
We daughters of Jerusalem" When N
married a second time, the bride very
likely had the choice of the text, fol
lit was found to be, He is altogether
lovely; this is my beloved, and this Ii
my friend" Brides really were allow
ed to select the texts in those days O.
New England history. Thus, when
certain John Physick and Mary Pres
colt were married in Portland in ITO
the lady gave the preacher the follow
ing text for the bridal Sunday, Mar!
hath chosen that good part" Again
when Abby Smith, daughter Of Parsor
Smith, married Squire John Adams
whom her father disliked so much tha
he declined having him home to din
ner-she chose this text for her wed
ding sermon, John came neither eating
bread nor drinking water. and ye sa!
he hath a devil" The high-spiritet
bride, it Is interesting to note, had th'
honor of living to be the wife Of ont
president Of the United States and th'
mother of another. 1t is indeed al
most incredible what things were done
by the New England divines in th'
way Of making their texts suitable To-
occasions and events. Mrs. Earle tell'
of a cleric giving out one morning a!
his text, Unto us a son Is born,
thus notifying a surprised congrega
ton of an event which they had beer
awaiting for some weeks. Anothe'
preacher from the text, MY servan
lieth at home SICK" which was liter
ally the case; while still another-s
cynical bachelor, we may be sure
dared to announce this abbreviated
text "A wonder was seen in Heaven
a woman" DR.. Mather Byles Of Bos'
ton, being disappointed through thi
non-appearance Of a minister namet
Prince, who had been expected to de-
liver the sermon, himself preached from
the text, Put not your trust in princes.
But DR.. Byles was one who would al
ways court a grin when he SHOULD
win SOUL"
Texts have often been chosen will
the view Of conveying a gentle ad'
monition to some one Of the preacher!
hearers who might be supposed II
special need of it. The best story II
this connection is perhaps that of the
very evangelical old canon who had 6
son of advanced ritualistic tenden'
cies. In due course the younger cleric
obtained a living, and was very anx'
ious that his father should preach II
his church. At last, after long della!
and much persuasion, the canon con-
sented, and the rector was delighted
His joy was, however, short-lived; fol
when the old man gave out his text, Il
ran, Lord, have mercy upon my son
for he is lunatic." One minister in {
New England community once felt Il
necessary to reprove a money making
parishioner who had stored and wa!
holding in reserve (with the hope o.
higher prices) a large quantity Of corr
which was sadly needed for consump'
ton in the town. The parson preach
ed from the very appropriate text il
Proverbs, He that withholdeth corn
the people shall curse him." AS HI
grew warmer in his application Of tht
text, he expected to see some signs o.
penitence in the corndealer; but tina
worthy only sat up stiff and defiant
At last the preacher could bear it NJ
longer, and roared out, Colonel In
graham! Colonel Ingraham! you know
mean you: why don't you hang dowI
| your hood oo Tho colonel ShOuld hay,