The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-07-25
HE GOOD-BYES IF
 MARRIED FOLK eem to Disprove Old Hot
 Weather Joke GATEMAN'S NEW THEORY Is Convinced That Marriage Is Not Farce and That Nineteen Out of I Twenty Husbands Are in
 Love With Wives.

married folks, who were unduly protract- ing their goodbye.
 Only a minute and quarter, folks, v the gentleman said to them warnngiy' and then the women gave their men a l final hurried kiss and the men gave the | women a final pat on the shoulder, anu | f1>s women rushed for their train. The Saen thus left behind gazed rather wistfully through the gate down the long platform, waiting for their wives to turn, Just before boarding the train. to wave dada at them. Not one woman failed to do this When the train pulled out the men moved away from the gate look ing distinctly blue
 Now. take a look at those fellows" said the gateman. Down in the mouth looking bunch, eh? Well, that's about the way pretty nearly all of em look when their wives are going away. This is pretty hard, l know. on that stock gag about how gladdy glad and ticl1led almost to death the husbands are when they get their wives to consent to leave town for the summer without them. but I've been on the gate watching this thing for a good many years and that's the reason that the mossgrown old hot weather joke doesn't so with me.
 If some of these gloomy sociologists who talk about marriage being a farce were on this job for while, particularly at this season, they'd have to revise their theories. They'd find out. for one thing. that about 19 men out of 20 are dead in love with their wives and that even the twentieth fellow who isn't so demonstra- tive over his wife generally looks sort or depressed when he sees her trotting down the asphalt to her train.
 "Why, say, nearly all of the married couples that stand around here doing the goodby thing when the wife is out bound on her summer trip-nearly all Of 'em talk sure enough baby talk to each other for 15 or 20 minutes while they re waiting for the gate to open. l am not referring especially to the young newly wed couples either, but to all of 'em, including couples that look to've been spliced long enough to have at least cele- brated their silver wedding. They do lot of furtive hand holding and the man sort O signs and scratches his head lot and they just buzzbuzz foolish things right up to the minute of the getaway.
 Is 1t sure goin' to be good boy?' says the woman, looking at her man half earnestly and half quizzically.
 "'Betcha 1t is,' says he.
 "Honest? says she.
 "'Cross my heart n hope to die,' says he.
 a'And 1t isn't goin' to drink at all, 'ceptin' a little beer in the evening" says she.
 "That's what 1t isn't says he.
 'Promise?"
 I
 "And 1t isn't goin' to stun itself with horrid old pie and awful indigestible things at lunchr
 Mot 1t! Don't you worry bout that
 "'And 1t isn't goin' to even so much as look at any other horrid woman while Its girl is awayT
 LAW, now, you know different from that I wouldn't give your little finger for all of 'em.'
 And it isn't goin' to play nasty horrid old poker later than midnight and not oftener than two times a week?'
 " Not that often-7don't care much for summer poker
 "And it's goin' to write some kind of a letter-even if 1t can only be little teeny weeny one-every single dayr
 " Harrlgan-me, every day. you bet kid
 |" And it's goin' to come down and see it's girl every Saturday sure-popT
 Just as sure as shootin', you can gamble
 That's the way heard a couple pas sing 1t back and forth only this afternoon, and they were a fat and wholesome couple of 70 or so each, at that. When she waved the final dada at him just before stepping on the train that stout male party-substantial, sQuare-jawed citizen too-mooched away, with his shoulders slouched forward as if he'd lost his grandmother. although his wife was only bound for one of the Jersey beaches two or three hours ride from New York.
 " Gosh a'mighty,' I overheard a man saying to his pretty little wife-pretty even if her hair was decidedly grayish- couple of afternoons ago, I sure am going to miss you, logged if I'm not Don't know what I'm going to do with out you around, blamed if l do."
 Oh, you'll forget all about me in a day or SO, she answered banteringly-a good many of 'em pull that on their men folks. by the way, of course to draw them out.
 Say, don't say that, AHce-sounds ornery, you know, and 1t isn't right he protested, and he was in earnest, too. You know danged well that I'm plain everyday mutt. and all up in the air when you're away from me-. Why, gracious sakes alive said she, pitching her voice in a tone of great ] surprise, you don't really mean to say that you actually like me after all these years, do you, Jackr
 ''He looked her over with . glance of heavy-hearted disapprovaL | Aw, come now, flag that stuff,' he said to her. Like you? Well, blame 1t all. wish 1t weren't any worse than that. Say, look a-here, now; you're going to write me every day and mono of those skinny, skimpy letters eitherT
 Oh, maybe I'll send you . postal once in while,' said she, trying to look up at him merrily, but could sec out of the tall of my eye that she wasn't any merrier than he was, but was only stick Ing up bluff.
 And, say. look a-here,' he went on earnestly. If you get kind O lonesome down there y'know. and don't feel like staying any longer, why, you'll know that the little old flat back this way is hankering for you and that you can pack up your duds and beat 1t back any old time you want to and that I'll be ttskled to death to see you any old minute you pop back-you know ell that stuff. don't your
 oh, of course I know 1t. Mlly,' she told him, and 1t isn't any wildly improb- able thing that I might pop back good deal sooner than you expect
 You can't chase any scare into me by saying that he replied out of hand. Sooner the better
 Another conversation that I overheard