Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1909-04-20
SOME MARRIED NEGOTIATIONS.
BY Clarence L. Cullen.
~o~~~-~~~

What most women think they know:
That men are crazy over widows.
She'll laugh gayly with you about
those new cabriolet or peach-basket
hats but she'll sting you for the price
of che Of them, all the same
The modern woman's idea Of an al
lowaIice" for herself is this: All that
is left of the roll after the rent and
husetold expenses have been paid
No woman ever becomes so outland-
ishly fat that she doesn't imagine that
her husband takes ecstatic delight In
having her plump herself into his lap.
Sorne women have sufficient sense
of hrlmor to chortle inwardly when
their lovers or acknowledgements
terms in this case-place them on Pc
deStals.
4 woman imagines that she's the
dandy little homemaker all right, all
right, when she buys her husband a
new green velour Morris chair on the
installment plan.
The reason why she reads aloud to
you the list OF the wealthy brides in
gerie trousseal is to show you what
tightwad you are for not getting her
the same kind Of stuff.
Every woman ought to know that
there are plenty Of husbands-not ne
cessarily prigs, either-who distinctly
dislike to hear their wives tell off-color
stories, even If they don't say so.
Trial marriages" that new time-will-
tell matrimonial scheme, sounds all
right, but the idea is lacking In novel
ty. Anybody who has tried 1t knows
that the average marriage is trial.
Often, when woman fondly imag
ines that she is making a man her slave
with her langu.shlng glances and subtle
fattery, his inner self is riotously. rau
cously laughing at her vain fmaginings
When a mans little old carefully con-
cealed dreams and Illusions are all
warped out Of shape through constant
contiguity to the selishness and greed
of his home. his wife calls him "cal-
ious."
A married woman hates to think Of
getting to be - years old because she
feels that at that age she'll look mid
| dla-aged. whereas her husband will be
Just young fellow and still keenly in
| the game, looks and all.
The wife says to her women friends.
Land sakes alive. I'd hate to have a
man tied to my apron strings" general
lv is the one who fights like a wildcat
when her husband intinates that he'd
like to carry latchkey.
When q woman's gray hairs can no
longer be pushed underneath, combed
over. or otherwise hidden. she says.
nonchalantly "0h. I've been as gray
as a badger ever since was ia
| family trait, you know"
II makes no difference how artfully
and r,.solutely sine led you to the hyme-
neal altar, she is bound TO twist II
around. after a few years. to make II
appear as II you had threatened TO
commit suicide If she rejected you.
Although most OF the royal princess
| es OF Europe are taught in their girl
| hood how TO cook. many S15-a-week
| young fellow on this side marries an
American princess whose knowledge Of
cooking Is confined exclusively to fudge.
Man is such an unreasonable brute
that he's bound to become a bit
thoughtful when upon arriving home
In the evening. he finds bis wife (still
wearing the crumpled kinlono he saw
her In at breakfas. and her hair yet
undone) huddled up on the couch tell
ing her fortune" with a dogs cared
deck OF cards