The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-06-21
HAVING FUN WITH TARIFF.
1t Is Not All Figures with the Con.
gressmen at Washington.

Congressman craig of Alabama has
had a lot Of sport I'm discussing the free
list i'm the Payne bin. says the Wash
ington Star He said the other day.
IF, after this bill becomes a law. one
Of my constituents becomes worried be-
cause his socks cost him 30 per cent
more than they used to. ne can console
himself with the thought that arsenic
is on the free list. IF he takes enough
of the latter, the lack of the former win
be immateriaI.
He need not worry because lemons
are taxed out of all reason. for ON the
free list are ipecac and nUx y0mies.
either one of which will instantly kW
an appetite for lemons, or anything
else.
His coffee viii cost him more than
il does now. but he will rejoice TO- find
that asafedtida is on the free list
Lead pencils for the school children
will be higher, but why worry about
them when no tax is required on balm
Of gilead?
Ladies gloves will cost more. but
leeches can be imported free. if any
should be needed to supply the place Of
those VINO manufacture the gloves.
Tea and cocoa will be almost pr0hib-
tive in price, but mama. which has
been free since the day when children
of Israel wandered in the wilderness, is
still on the free list.
Fret not, dear people, because soap
is going to cost cents per pound more
than it does now. for on the free list
are ashes and I've which the opposition
seems TO think are good enough for the
poor mans toilet.
"Perfumery and cologne are raised in
price, but rags are still upon the tree
list. a few years more of so-called pros
perity. such as we have had for the last
two years, and rags will be the most
prominent article in the wardrobe of al
but the protected classes and their
satellites.
IF wooden and cotton goods are still
sky high, that is nothing, for kiudii1g
wood is on the free list; and if any
voter wants tea for breakfast and cane
not have it because Of the exorbit8nt
tax levied by this bill, he may turn 10
the free list and find there, to his uu-
utterablc joy, that tobacco stems and
seaweeds have been magHauim0usIy
freed Of import taxes
None enjoyed mis- satire more than
Congressman Craig's Republican COLI
leagues. who laughed heartily at his w.t.
while disagreeing with his logic and
meLhOd OF reasoning
4 y
Representative Cushman was talking
on the lumber tariff, and a Kentucky
member interrupted. "OH." replied Mr.
Cushman, the gentleman comes from
the glorious state of Kentucky, which
produces the best whisky. the fastest
horses and the most beautiful women
but what does he know about this2
I'm told they make whisky there SO
good that they have to bIiudf0Id them
selves before drinking it. because If
they saw # il would make their mouths
water, and that would spoil me drink
Mr.. Stanley Of Kentucky was ON his
feet to reply. Sir" he said Kentucky
is justly proud of its horses, its whisky
and it's women. But it pays "a tax o-
Sl.10 per gallon on its whisky and pays
it gladly; its horses are being put out
Of business as fast as auti-raciug laws
will do It, and as to fits women. why. sir,
I want to say that Kentucky viii never
appeal for protection for its women so
long as the angels in heaven don't enc
gage in a beauty contest among t1en-
selves"
And then Mr.. Cushman went right nI
talking about lumber, stopping orea-
sionally to pick a silver out of himself.