davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
SOME MARRIED MEDITATIONS.
BY Clarence L. Cullen.

Many a woman who imagines that
she is the apple Of her husbands eye
is really only the crabapple of his WIS.,
ion.
A small boy with his first drum isn't
In 1t as a nuisance with the wcmau
that develops what she thinks is a tai
ent for sarcasm.
You don't know what being in bad
means until your wife becomes ac-
quainted with a bunch Of women who
can easily afford to pay 800 apiece for
their hats.
When you hear hatchet-faced, vim
egar-mouthed woman exclaim "All
men are DEVILS" don't you wonder
what facilities she ever possessed for
finding all that out2
After baby comes, a woman real
ICES that the lesson in patience she
had to learn to get along with her hus-
band was only the b c of what she
had to learn later.
When a man is a nagger he general
~ knows it and has his moments Of
self-contempt. But when woman Is
termagant she goes to her grave
without ever finding it out.
We know a male jellyfsh who is i'm
beetle enough to permit his wife to
make him eat onions, although he de-
spises them and they like him not, just
because she herself wants to eat a
mess Of them.
Why is it that a woman will begin.
at the breakfast table, to tell her hus-
band an interminable, intricate, and
meaningless dream that she has had
when she knows that he is already
twenty minutes behind his office reach-
ing schedule?
The soured old harpies who buzz
around young women and advise them
to take the reins from the start"
never by any chance go through with
it and elucidate how they themselves
made out at that personally conducted
reins-handltng job.
Why Is 1t that when a woman In
the public eye, whose reputation al
ways has been considered unimpeach-
able-a certain noted female singer,
say-gets her name dragged into di-
vorce case the women who read about
it generally appear to be so-gladdy-
glad?
When two or three over-indulged
women who pretend to believe that
their husbands mistreat them get to-
gether at a shopping luncheon, the en-
suing rataplan makes a blank cart
ridge skirmish drill sound by compari-
son like the rustling Of autumnal
zephyrs among dead leaves
The self-same woman, whose hus-
band always takes OFF her shoes when
she returns from wholly unnecessary
day Of shop gadding, generally is the
one who says to her woman cronies.
"'Deed I've got a picture Of myself
pressing my husbands trousers
huhw
"I'd rather die or work In some
body's kitchen than take cent of
your detestable money! is what they
all say while the details of the mn
tual agreement divorce are being ar
ranged. But when the decree is hand
ed down they line up greedily at the
aIimouy counter all the Samn
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Neither in scholarship nor in fitness
for the business of life does the prod
uct of the great colleges Of the pres
ent day compare with the graduates
turned out from the little colleges of
a generation ago. Then, it is true, the
boy with the diploma was often too
stuffed with Latin and Greek and
philosophy to be much of practical
man; now he knows a little about
manners, more about clothes, some
thing about "grinds," peache' and
"profs," but the sumum bonum of his
knowledge relates to drop kicks and
line bucking. The old type was bet
ter, because, though impractical, he
had a trained mind and was Injured
to discipline. whereas the new prod
uct has gotten most of his training in
the ways Of a good time.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

The truth is that the natural boy is
a born player. He plays to grow, and
plays with all his heart. He minds
his instincts at the time when they
are strongest, and he is less likely to
everyday in his earliest days than he
is years afterward. 1t will be time
enough to steer him away from base
ball when some other game arrives
with at least an equal call to mental
and bodily agility.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
Knew Her "Mfxsiso

Hadn't you better wash the dishes
before we go?" said man, who was
taking hired girl out for a walk.
your missis will be sure to see them
and scold you" No, she'll not" re.
piled the girl; las soon as she learns
am going out for the evening, she'll
spend all the time looking through my
trunk."-Puck.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

In recent speech Mr. Taft pro-
voked laugh by suggesting ironically
that his audience read the Congress
sional Record. 1t is unfortunate that,
owing to its bulk and cost, the Record
is not a popular magazine, for only
through the Record can the intelligent
citizen understand fully the acts of
Congress and the beliefs and abilities
of individual Congressman. Our news
papers, in this day Of tabloid report
ing and picturesque summaries, would
do we'll to give more space to reprints
of important passages from the Rec
ord, or else to require their own re-
porters to send exact reproductions of
the more significant debates. The Eng
lish papers give much better account
of the proceedings of Parliament than
our papers give of the deliberations
of Congress. The English papers re
port Parliament; our papers talk
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Into cup of powdered sugar work
a heaping tablespoonful of butter, or
enough to make soft cream. Work
steadily until this point is reached
Into this hard sauce stir a cupful of
mashed berries with their juice Beat
very hard for several minutes before,
sending to the table.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

It is alleged that an Ohio man re-
Gently coughed up three carpet tacks.
He must have swallowed them. Even
the most careless surgeon would hard
ly sew carpet tacks inside of man.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Whittier, down to date, is the only
man who expressed unalloyed pleasure
at being snowbound. But Whittier
was not shut up in an accommodation
train with only one sandwich between
him and Omaha.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Farmers no longer have excuse for
not knowing their business-that Is,
those few farmers who are ignorant
of it-for a encyclopedia of American
Agriculture" in four volumes has late
ly been published, which, 1t is an
nounced tells both what to do on a
farm and how to do it."
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Let it be said for the preachers that
they have not as yet begun performing
marriage ceremonies with jokers con-
cealed in them.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

One of the doctors announces that
nobody can hope to be healthy with
out eating plenty of hard food and
tough meat that requires much chew
ing. Sometimes it seems as If many
of the doctors ought to be writing hui
morous stuff deliberately instead OF
merely unconscously.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

When the Sultan of Turkey dies
twenty three guns will be fired. Amer
lean slang must have penetrated the
Moslem Empire.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

The dispatches state that Colonel
Roosevelt's rhinoceros was "bagged" ON
Sunday. OF course, If rhino comes
into the yard on Sunday and tries to
get a chicken or something, 1t Is not
wrong to shoot at 1t.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

An Atlanta paper prints a recipe
half a column long for happiness. We
can give an effective recipe that can
be put into one line: Let her have
all the clothes she wants"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

the air above private property Finally must con-
slider the means by which laws may be enforced and
the registration Identification of aerial machines
carried out.
1t good making laws without the ability to carry
them into effect Even supposng regular service
inaugurasd Of police patroling the air in extra swift
flyers they could seldom follow and catch up trans
gressors since would not often be possible to convey
information to them in time. There be doubt
chat an intricate problem is confronting regard
ing the amending and making Of laws to regulate that
traffic which of believe will be darkening
the air above heads.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
BIackened silver.

Dissolve one pound of hyposulphate
of soda IN just as much water as it
will absorb and moisten the silver
with this, leaving it on for a few min
utes. Wash it off with warm water,
rinse in hot water and dry. If it is
not then clean rub with whiting in
the ordinary way.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Orville Wright says that an airship
is as safe mile up as 1t is ten feet
up Safer, doubtless. The air is much
purer and there are fewer disease
germs.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Evolution which slowly removes all
physical members or organs that are
outgrown ought to get busy with the
vermiform appendix.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Does the world owe the poet a liV-
ing7" asks the Literary Digest. Let
us see, it was either a living or a
killing, we have forgotten which.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

about Congress and strive to give orig
inal news, much of which, like orig
inal spelling, has only its originality
to recommend it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

The Hon Mehmed V. Is beginning to
talk as If he were labor1ng under the
impression that he ought to do some
thing for the purpose Of earning his
salary.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

The late Henry H. Rogers was only
about half as wealthy as you thought
him and probably not half so bad.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Castro has discovered the vanity of
bluffing when the other fellow knows
your hand.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
NEW PROBLEMS FOR THE LAWMAKERS.
By Maj. Baden-PoweI

In four years time we may be able to say
that flying Is common.
1t is then that new laws and regulations
will have to be adopted. The rule OF the
road" in the air must be settled, as also
the question as to whether international
frontiers are to be respected, and If not,
whether universal free trade must result,
Then comes the subject of the ownership Of
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

A poet has just died in Denmark
leaving 100000 We presume he
daIlied with the Muses. as side Issue.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

expected usually anxious that in the eyes OF the
world 1t should appear satisfactory, and to this end
earnestly and saRdfasty she endeavors to show her
son-in-law In the most favorable light to outsiders
Therefore If the ner-in-aw have even ordinary
common she will! for the love which she bears
her daughter her to do her best to please
her husband and to retain his affection
It sometimes pitful to womans efforts to pla
cate cantankerous soninaw, and although when there
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

We met a man to-day who is hard
and he doesn't like warm weather.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

Few Americans have risen higher
than the Wright brothers.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
WHY THE VIOLIN IS MUsIC's KING
By James Huneker.

Restricted as to its range of dynamics, the
violin has had for its votaries men OF such
widely different temperaments as Pagan1nl
and Spohr, Wilhelmj and Sarsate Joachim
Ysaye.
It's literature does no compare with that OF
the piano, for which Bach, Beethoven, Schu-
mann, Chopin and Brahms have written their
choicest music; yet the intimate nature of
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

the VIOLIN It's capacity for passionate emotion crowns
t-and not the organ with it's mechanical tona effects
& the king of instruments.
Nor does the voice make the peculiarly poignant ap
peal of the violin It's lowest note Is the below the
treble cef its top note squeak; but it seems
In few octaves to have imprisoned within its wooden
walls miniature world of feeling even In the hands
of clumsy amateur the formidable power of CIV
ing PAIN while in the grasp of master 1t is capable OF
rousing the soul.-Everybody's.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16
MoTHERs-1N-1Aw MOST MA1GNED OF ALL.
By Helen OE6feId

Probably no class of persons are 30 much
and so persistently misrepresented and ma
ligned as are mothers-in-law.
AS rule women are pleased to have their
daughters marry well; the matchmaking
mother Is as common a subject for a joke as
is the Objectionable mother-in-law. If after
marriage it turns out that the match Is not
all that the wifs's mother wished for and
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

AS a man grows leaner because OF
age, his wife becomes fatter.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-07-16

gratifying made that American rail
killed much smaller percentage of people than usual
year that the total number of
employees who lost their lives in this in 1908
1877 while in 1907 4,759 and in 1908 it
5000 The Bureau Railway News and Statistics traces
reduction ssened traffic account of business depres
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
The Onten puHne.

''tne;'aGsis.-- as it ;i3ay seem. sad Au t..e,tiyc. there are uaany sh0piifrer' wh,, sIesl: by the a;:.,s.1r of Ike nn ;tH. .'hesc men hesrrf setting astt U,,3.' uei: contemplated as:,issies, eat af r;''- onions ahl1YA;i :,;!s Then tIss s. Into the silrerSHi'bs x u. the 'aa',er,I:s: sr's or the i"w"ieH's that they pYoJ,o> to rob.
 Show me tlns" urge so'.ist"es s'' rounded with pigeon h'a.' r,ht' please says +tr .i.''r"' thief
 "The clerk brings forth tue .raN r, gems and, bending over l. the the! siehs with admiration. Ills face close to the clerks, he s'gbs again. And tI,t clerks nostrils quiyer, and he tnri!: away his head. The inspection of q" diamonds continues for some minutes Throughout it the thief keeps hrc;i:h ing hard, the clerk keeps turning h!s bead away. and hence 1t is no wonder at the day's end, that couple of costly nngs are missing."~ New York press
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
What | fazsu;n Rexaa;sd.

A certain large millinery establish S'enE makes a speciality of won,eu9 srsMuaed hats St S5 and SIC. It is cut, s'ng largely into the trade of the small CT higa price.l dealers A short time ago 'vonan of fashion went into the establishment mentioned and tried oo seseral hats. but found none to suit hes- Before going out she missed a vsiuSbie hatpin. 4 careful search Tailed to bring !, tn light. and !ts dis. appearances re:nalned mystery. 4 few days later the customer, still look. sng For a sultS bic hat. visited one oi she expensive millinery shops iD the :s,y As:;ong the hats shown to h., none of which was priced lower than s25. vas one that closely resern s,lc.1
 ne of tho hats she had tried on in the
 tn dollar stoie. Sue took t up to q
 line it more closely. AS she .eit
 ;e trimming she noticed that the cad
 hetpln was concealed l,encatt, anch of a,s.iticsal flowers. Drawing 1, ut. sue disuve,s.1 it to b.. fer missing natpin. ~AeW York Tribune
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
A E;ott lc thu Afy.

". E. Webb, she author of 'nnnah LAnc,~ tells this cat story:
 The chicken hawk of the vest 's 3 savage and dangerous enemy, but onr< etc Of these air pl.stes got worstets !! w2s sitting :u front of ths doctors Of Ice whcs, hawk shot down with won 1srfu1 rapidity of wing-so fas, tha. sts shadow seemed hardly Co reach ths earth before Ets body. t pos;nce,i upon the doctors favoyite kitten. wb!ch lay aaleep or the grass, and made o6 with t. At an elevation, of about fifty feet puss recovered from it's surprise ana went to work for liberty. Its feline nind was exercised to aston.sh,nent and wrath. Twisting lske weasel. !ts claws cane uppermos;, and to ny straining gaze sight presented itself much like T feather bod being rlri,sA open in midalr. 1he amazed haws received new ,jgh: on the subject 0. pre-. let go snf .aads off like < badly p;,r,'ssesl goose bit :t,.e .,;,t same sarvi, to eartsi.,:l fts feet.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
Know Min, Too We;,.

The late President Chester A. Axtbnr. although he was . Maa Of warn, fs3endsh'ps. had high sense of per sonal dignity that would brook no un. due fanssliasitles. 4 lifelong ~r;ep3 of Hr. Arthur. who had accompanied hiru on one of Ifs hunting tr,pa waa .ai.sra an acquaintance so.,e of .slA iacjaeo.s N6 the ',nnt.
 "i kD"w lis ;be general 'nanression. !, he said. ''that Air. .tr.hur l. A t.{,,.. self eepte:ed so;, Ui nian, but 4 tsu'. tr,a He is Ole of the ,uo>i se;l3ai and cor, paniN.a!,fa of 'ee;r when .a., ?sA.o,at. wei at.aa@;2fsi' M':!!, lin, .tr,a,;; alrea,i, asl.:w h.N. pretty s..is. i,l; came 10 understand htr7 :,este,. vci,',e on tbat trip t'an evss hnfare.'
 T suppose poy a1nw s.:n weii snougil ROW ta cal. i!m by lis first narne,' ventured il,e other.
 "On the cont"sry." wa, f,se re}o.ne.eY. T know s,.o well rNongh ns,t sa .,.asl hiIn by his 5'rs. ra1at."~ yent}.'s Com paniop.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
Lions and Fowl.

There Is peculiar thing abou. ions" said h.1nter who has trapped big game lD Africa for mcnagefiss
 They will not eat the flesh of a fow: You might tempt ,hem with canvas back duck the dainticst s1uah. bu. they would refuse 1t. renaemDes once having swan which had broker lts wing. We killed it, dressed it ..;4re fully and threw IL into the cage of th,. lions. but they would not touch 1t, ami 1t finally had to te taken out and thrown away. have repeatedly pn, pigeons siise into the cage just to se,. what they would do l have throw1; grain down among the lions and tht, pigeons have actually got down ala> hopped around the big brutes, eyeh hopping on their backs, the lions mal4 ,ng no attempt to disturb them. eyeL seeming to enjoy their companionship There is something rather stra ugs about this which it Is difficult to <. plain"
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
UmbFel1As ip eat&,a

~ h conceivable tna. the orses,, = "eiilnston's day thoQshi hilp a t.rS "e 9id onl'F. He actuanv forbade ''DHF"f'as in battle Be ex,oc,ea hem "'t 'A4F 'o eH}'ssn asati sacr.Sra tbeir ''"N ';f dle word af Dua,nlH:lH bpt ac. ''f. y 10 risk the tarniSbins of ,he,r oea"u1al 1Hjfef!ns in the rain wb;ch 'e' <1uFli's i2a1t.e noar Bnyoune. He '"" VI" Hfellad 2ls shalreying under 2 IIest 's Hat'Tailas aud sent off lord i7i ;'''is1 tbis f1foSS.,:,q. Lord We)jinr- 'f'H f'>''ss f2at a;',aenN" s,f 4hp use tf nu,. "'sj:::s 0""}u- ;t,. euarly's firing and ''' 'ot ai!aN ths. 's,:entlemen's sor,s,
 n''>.t tieeid>ei<s4s ridiculous in the
 "f the army After the battle
 'ei l>niieS "as ccprlmantlcd hy
 'iahe for permitting the ofense
 'hc :5raa; nan, The guards lr form nay. when on duty at St. James. carry umbrellas if they please oaS 'o the heso t ls not only ridieu'ous 'ns :'nas!itary i4e: l, not be forgot. ten' however, that the dellnauenta, asaaiss l|iongh they were. proved themselves among the bcavest when sighting ras going an.- Ssu Ja!ues' Gs sette.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
tmitstien of Ebony.

There are two processes. says ths Carriage Monthly. in use in the ,1ni.a ton oi ebony. Take fine grained piece Of wood. use French black pol ish, made black with fine coloring ma ter, or good air drying black varnis.: nay be applied. This, however. gives only superficial co]oring. and wheh the edges wear of the light colorc,j wood shows The other method is L.. wash three or four times any dense wood with . boiling concoction of log wood. allowing 1t to dry between eaci. application. Then wash with soiu ton of acetate of iron. which h made by dlssolving iron filings in vinegar This stain Is very black and penetrate into the wood 30 that ordinary wear and chipping will not chow the original ee3o1.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
pWsfy cieeA

T certain elderly iady was tn fnaA. sood position and lived h one ss th.
 wburbs of largo town. One raor, lng she went to her bntcher eltA !, tasket filed with wooden skewer.. shs told him she had saved them that t,,.v had been weighed to her as g1eat n, i, nat she had brought them to ret,.i> a their weight back again in meat, ,. there man bold enough 1t carry econ. orny so far?
 Perhaps the meannesses of yisau people are more often aetl:ase1 ..r feelings of avarice than by ,hoye # economy. !. would be difficult, for L, stance, to find worse cas.. than t',e following: An old man once wrots letter to q friend, and, wishing to sa<f his stamp. he ordered his servant te take it to its address. 1t was rainl:1p and the girl wore & new dress that ehe was afraid of spelling, She looked ;uto the street, saw boy she Gnaw. and calling out to biin. she said, Deliver this letter for ne, and will xive you . penny" The sniser heard she offer and said, Give sne shs penny, sna vii carry the letter myself What m more, he did so.-Lontion Captain.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
4 Surprise.

A cook at cheap boarding house played little game on grumbling boarder by serving him with piece of cole leather instead of beefsteak
 You've changed your butcher Mrs Hascher?" said the boarder. looking up at the land'ady after saving two or three minutes at the leather.
 Same butcher as usual" replied the boarding mistress, with patronizing m1le. "Whyr'
 "Oh, nothing much,' said the board q, trying to make an impression on the steak with his knife and fork. 'only this piece of meat is the tender. egt have had In this house for soms Magazine.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
0eskrs Plants.

Plants Of the desc-; as rule. DOS. sess few leaves. the cactus, for fin. stance, being mostly spines. There is very good reason for the lack Of hayes in desert plants. The object is to check the transferat,on of moisture
 v offering as small surface .as pos. sable to the dry afr. For the same req oon the roots of desert plants usually Un deep into the soil so that they can suck up all the available moisture. Ia some instances the leaves assume . vertical position and thus avoid the direct rays of the burning desert sun. 0n the other hand, the leaves of trees In very wet countries are provided with points--such as the maple-from which the rain drops of. Were the leaves fatter the rain would collect and make them rot.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
N>s ovsaia sF . 0rsae )e~,eess

on one of the Saily trlps of yo. Westinghouse from Schenectady to tn. foundry at Troy his train was held up by bad wreck. Two frsigh;s hst anme together iu a ,cad-tu collision vI' piece of straight track, The e,,Ei. neers had seen the danger iriainiy h'n by the time the band brakes were brought Into play II was too late. The young man allowed these facts to sink Into his mind Then he ssi! to cue os she train bands:
 If the engineers bad beer sI,je tU ontrsl tbcly trains from the cabs. tha ~rcci; could have been prevented ouldnt it:'>
 Control 'em how?'
 Brake tbeFu.''
 ''Ycs. They had lots of time"
 That was enough. The air brake was oncelved Arnid the piled up wreck age the thing that was to make 'hs name of estirshouse familiar tn t.y sry schooiboy the world over was cali cd into being. l. t,!i not come .n I:s perfected form. but. fhs idea Itself liao Sermina ad.paul 1.at2ke !n Every hody's.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-01-15
He Placed an Order.

small. sharp faced boy. one of whose eyelids had an inclination tc drocp in q chronic wink. entered a tailor shop in upper Broadway, ap preached the proprietor and silently handed him button. The tailor tooh 1t and looked puzzled.
 "What's this forT' he asked. ''l don't want it. I've got plenty Of but bons."
 "DAt's all right" said the youngster But yer want business. don't yerT'
 "YeS."
 "Wel1. just sew . pair O pants on fat button
 The small boy was half way up the block before the tailor reached the .oor.~~New York Globe.