The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-19
DRIFTWOOD
A man never longs to, be short.


 The race for the dollar makes mara thon runners out of all of us.
 Unnamed is, the way an old maid feels all the time. The ballet Is anything but moral
 . + .,
 When a woman flares up at you that's the very time sheIl treat you coldfst.
 Maybe the reason so many old maids want to go to heaven is because they have such a tight squeeze to get there. A woman's handkerchief has a piece of cloth in the center about the Size of a silver dollar, to which Is sewed a border of lace about four Inches deep. It is much too pretty to cry in and as chief may be put 1t is wanting. H%'s ;i z, ~. .Ait-s ls ts4r <7Ass Teddy !sayk he wills rnpts alaow yaby newspaper reporter to, accompany him to the ,Jungles He wishss st to De in killing lions for a magazine at one dollar a word. one had much rather re- port the incident himself; newspaper man might give, the facts and Teddy's bubble.
 When anybody but you delivers an opinion 1t Is merely putting in. Hvered to you. What conceited race we are.
 
 Maybe if the purse is made large enough Jeff will overcome, his con- cientious scruples in regard to the negro race. In other words overlook the color line for the sake of the cham pion belt line.
 What line do a womans thoughts usually pursue"
 T don't know" Why the ciothes-line of course" A pipe dream-the nightmare you have nightly of taking down the stove pipe in the spring.
 Novels. nearly always end up and they lived happily ever afterwards. lived scrappily ever afterwards"
 It is imagined, by many that the old poets wrote those beautiful poems when the spirit moved 'em. but If the landlord threatened to.
 Suggestive sign for Wall Street. "Why go to Monte Carlo and drop. all your money when you can stay right hOAS NaAO NV N''O
 The papers say that King Edward is too fat The question is being asked how fat does king have to be? Just throne we should judge
 Their consul general says that more Japs are leaving this country than are tickle the Pacific coast.
 Hetty Greens son-in-law Is troubled with rheumatism This will amuse Aunt Hetty, as he can't fly around and spend so much of the family dough. Rube Waddell says his wife Is brutal to him. Then Rube doesn't make as many home runs as we thought he did The faces of some men look like &C., cidents and some others look like dis asters, says The Chicago News.
 The fellow who wrote that paragraph should come to Alabama where the faces of people are radiating joy at the very thought of living in heaven kissed land.
 An Alabama girl refused to receive the attentions of a young man until he wore socks and In order to win her he stole pair valued at bit. Now he must work sixty days on the public road. Those Alabama girls are getting
 
 
 old Sol is putting in regular 12- hour day now and we are certainly glad to see him back on the job of kissing Montgomery, the town of Gods people.
 A burglar stole cabhages from the garden of the old Woman's Home near San Antonio the other day This is meaner than taking candy from baby. -r
 Speaker Cannon ct al Is on the job, propper up by the rules.
 The foxy photographer is. he who can turn a mans head after the pie ture fs made and not waste a couple of hours time turning it while he is sitting
 Bring On The Birds an Roses. Bring on the birds an roses and Sweet May Time with her posies.
 And the mornin sun a-smilin' from An the meadows whar- each daisy Seems to droop its head so lazy
 At the kisses of the south wind
 passin' by.
 Bring on the birls an roses, that sweet spring time dlscloses, An let us have the sunny skies O
 An .IS; sw;eethearts thar acroamin' When all the world Is glad an hearts --P. H A.