The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1909-10-14

His business is I o make an inventory
of every blessed thing your fat con
tains, from a four post bed to q kitch-
en- spoon.
At first you are vastly amused owe
the listing Of such apparently insignif-
cant items as "a lincrusta Walton
frieze,' the number Of tiles in the fire.
place, the bolts on the windows. the
locks on the doors. a description of the
handles on the dressing chest and the
number of screws therein. but when
you have been dragged through every
room, going v e these-to us-absurd
details. you plunge from rage to de-
spair and finally collapse when your
tormentor at last departs. For this
entertainment you have paid from half
a guinea tabout $3.50, upward. accord
ing to the rent of your fat.
But the real power of the inventory
is only felt when you take your de-
parture. You may be morally certain
that the only damage you have done
has been to break one or two teacups.
for which you are quite prepared to
pay an extortionate sum without a
murmur. You may be sure Of this. but
presently you will receive a bill all
neatly written u and covering sew
eral pages of foolscap and entitled
"Dilapidations."
You will find that in every room the
walls have been "chipped." the enamel
on the bathtub slightly marred." q
monogram on a napkin ring scratch
ed" several saucepans damaged" a
knife handle bent" a number Of
plates Cracked" and SO on. am
quoting from a list of 'dilapidations'
presented to friends of mine who had
occupied a fat for two months. during
which time. after strenuous cleaning
efforts. they left the premises In much
better condition than when they vent
in. The bill amounted. to 81 1es. 3D."
roughly about $9.68.
Here there is no such fact recog-
nized as ordinary wear and e on
furniture.
For the lease. which Is here called
agreement" you have to pay from 10
shillings up to 3 guineas and more, &C.
cording to rent. Then the government
stamp aft xed thereto. without which
the document is not legal. costs you
from half a crown (62 cents, to q guinea
or more. again according to rent.
You may have taken your Dat by
"the month";" but when your agree
ment is sent you find out It il for every
four weeks. You will probabiy phone
the agent calling his attention to the
error. and he will inform you It is cor
rect that way.
In renting an UNFINISHED fiat, the
shortest term for, which is three years.
you discover that the electric light 6x-
lures are not included in the rental
Protest unavafling, you buy them
yourself and pay for their installation
You must rent also your owp gas cook
ing stove. You fancy the tenders for
the f1replaces must have been over
looked. but not so; you must buy them
yourself. AS you have been so accus'
toned to a continuous supply of hot
water, it never occurred to you to In
quire into the subject. You find you
a obtain it only by keeping a con
tinuous fire in your kitchen range.
AS the penetrating, cfammy gray
horror of an English winter draws on
you begin to appreciate what it means
to be minus steam heat. Your only de
Tense are the coal fires. romantic In
story, but totally inadequate to defy
this marrow reaching, damp cold OF
London. Bathroom and halls remain a
arctic temperature. for the CRATE fires
do not radiate beyond a few feet. sc
you may sit close and burn or retire
to a corner and freeze.
After having learned through pain
full experience the futility of struggle
against English ways and methods II
is amusing to watch the explosive
American. who in hotel Office. at rail-
way station and on stea mships holds
forth as to the various things he vii
not submit to. He is usually listened
to with a certain exa%sperating defer
ence at which the British underling Il
a past master. But nothing is changed
and he has to submit. and the sooner
the lesson is learned the more comfort
able he will be.
The impen ntrable stolidity Of the av
erage Briton is not to he disturbed
and the longer one remains 10 thi
country the more definitely o learns
that the English people have a prett!
substantial idea of commercialism ant
that you are paying for the lesson
London Cor. New York American.