Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1909-08-19
NAMING THE BABY
BY G. WERE TYLER
Copyright, BY ]. B. Lippincott Coz

B. Lippincott Coz
names in the world we can find one to
suit. Since you don't like family
names. let's think of some fancy ones.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
Mrs. W-Camille! And send my
child out into the world in the very
start without a character, and perhaps
to die of consumption! Why, Frank,
I'm ashamed of youi
Mr.. W. (shrugging his shoulders
and taking his seat)-Well, I'm sure
l don't know what we are going to do.
Mrs. WIN tell you what let's do;
E.et us not go to bed until VS. nave de-
cided upon something!
Robert-Good gracious, sis, I've got
t. go to work in the morning!
Mrs. W.-Of course, Mr.. Selfish!
Edith (rising)-Suppose you let me
make a suggestion? Let me go and
bring the baby here
Mrs. W. (indignantly)-Wake her
up?
Edith-Yes, certainly, anything!
She never cries when she wakes up,
and she al go to sleep again. Listen,
now! Suppose l bring her here and we
all sit and stare at her until the name
comes.
Robert-But suppose it never
comes?
Mrs. Won Robert! are you bound
to be pessimistic?
Mr.. w. (doggedly)-Yes, do go,
Edith, and let's try it. anyway. exit
Edith, running.)
sRobert-I will always say the first
baby in the family ought to be named
for mother.
Mrs. W.-Robert, do you want to
kill me?
MI. W.-Don't say anything, Robert.
Can't you see that your sister is al
most i'll?
(Enter Edith, followed by nurse
with the baby.)
Mrs. W. (taking the babylon, my
precious darling, did they wake you
up-mother's little one? How could
they be so cruel? Let mudder feel it's
title hands-is it told? There now!
(Seats herself and arranges baby in
her lap.) Now, Frank, draw your
chair up there! Edith, you sit here,
and Robert Il know you are going to
break the spelD, you sit over there,
not too close, and just shut Eliza out
Of your mind!
(Seat themselves and stare in sill
ence at the baby.)
Mrs. W.. (springing to her feet in
great excitement and placing baby in
the nurses arms)-I have i'll have
it! 1t has all come like a flash of
lightning, just as I thought it would.
Clerks the baby from the nurse and
kisses it, My poor little one, you
are no longer a wretched little waif
on the face of the earth, you are now
somebody with a name! (Returns
baby and jumps up and down, clap
ping her hands, and then embraces
Edith You dear girl, I shall never
cease to adore you, your plan acted
like a charm!
Chorus-For heavens sake, tell us
what is the name?
Mrs. W.
what is it? I
Chorus-You haven't forgotten it!
Mrs. W. (tearfully)-I have, !
have! You all excited me so! Oh!
this is too cruel! 1t was Bob; he
simply leaped into the air! Bursts
into tears. E~xcitedly): Oh! but |
have it, I have it, after all! It's
Eliza, Eliza backwards!
Chorus-Eliza Backwards!
acknowledgements! Gre~atheavens!
where did you get that? It's aw.
full!
| Mr.. W. (emphatically)-It is!
Edith-Why-
Mrs. W.-Do stop, all of you. Can't
you see there is a point. Spell it!
Chorus (they spell-E-li-z-a- (B-a-c-k.
w-o-o-d-s.)
Mrs. W.-Not woods-wards! Oh!
are you all insane? l said spell Eliza
Backwards.
Edith-But, Carrie
Mr.. w. (tenderly)-My dear, you
must compose yourself. This thing
has preyed upon you until your mind
is unstrung.
Mrs. W.-Oh, but you don't under.
stand or you won't! Spell Eliza back
kards, and it is Azile! The greatest
writer in the world would not be
ashamed Of such a name!
(Chorus of laughter.)
BOBBY Jove, that is good! Sis
you've got a great head. Eliza Back.
wards, 1t is. Come, here, you rascal!
(Takes baby and jumps it, Eliza
Backwards!
Mrs. w. (aghast)-But you won't
call her that?
Bob-Certainly!
Mrs. W.-But her nam is Azilel
Bob-Well, isn't that Eliza Back
wards?
(Mrs. w. nearly faints; is borne
from the room by her husband, and
Edith and Bob drop exhausted in
chairs.)