Evening star., 1909-06-12

Man. with unpuncturable good humor.
well. that only shows how obtuse your
skinny jokist. Now. what you ought to
do is this: Y'ought to get up along about
half-past in the morning. say. and put
on four or five heavy woolen sweaters
and heavy shoes with some lead in the
soles. and then y'ought to beat II down to
the Potomac drive and run around that
road about thirty-eight times. till YOU get
into a fine lather-and you shouldn't quit
the road till you've spent at least three
hours hitting IL up-and then you ought
to go to Turkish bath and stick around
i'm the hot room for about an hour and
then another hour in the steam room. and
then go home and eat just mouthful or
so of cereal and swallow of coffee-not
the piles of flannel cakes and such-llke
junk that you customarily put away for
breakfast now-and after "A few months.
why you'd get some of that whale-oil Oft
your frame and look like somebody and
not be a nuisance to yourself and every
body else, what"
Yep, that's the kind OF stuff that the
Fat Man is supposed to take all in good
part and to grin over: and IL he doesn't
take 1t in good part and chuckle over II,
why, they all say that he's getting TO be
one o. those fat grouches. and add that
his fat is striking in to his brain ana
cIouding his mind. and making him
fliy in the community, and all the rest
of II.
Each OF 'em has got some different
suggestion to make to the Fat Man as
to how he ought to shuck his leaf lard.
All Of the suggestions are supposed
merely supposedly their proponents TO
he distinctly and markedly humorous and
original; and the Fat Man, who has been
hearing all of that junk ever since he
first began to heft up and develop an
extra chin or two, is supposed to gurgle
and gargle and look sheepishly tickied
and entertained.
Worst Of all. though, about being Fat
IS-s Hxyx xr.N
chance gets the slightest sympathy when
he happens to knock under the weather
and become i'll.
Nobody believes him when he says that
he's sick. On the contrary, the pulpnuts
all laugh raucously and derisively when
the Fat Man tells em he's had a dickens
of a time lately with his health and
that he's still feeling bum.
"Aw, say tell that to Hogan" they
say. walloping the Fat Man on the back
with knobby, unsympathetic mitts. al
though the seat OF his misery may be in
that very waiIoped back. "Why, YOU
big longshoreman, y'ought to be carryin
tn hod. You sick, Haw. haw, haw! What
you been doin' to yourself. hey? Eatin'
bout ninety-three hard-shel crabs? Well.
ever clapped wick on. What's your
dodge, anyhow. in moochn' around try1n
to tell folks that you're sick? Aw, wan
with that stuff-behave. you.
They simply can't be made 10 beheEe
that the Fat Man even has the right TO
believe that he is sick. much less the
right to actually get sick. And its no
use arguing with 'em, either.
''All the same the Fat Man tries 10
sludge in. i've lost twenty pounds with
in the last three weeks. and I'm under
the care OF a stomach specialist, and I've
been sick in bed for two weeks. and m
only out now for the first time TO get a
little air, and I've had dickens OF q
time with the pain OF the blamed thing,
and, gosh, feel punk. honest / do!'
law, beat it," says the dub 10 whom
the Fat Man foolishly makes these OBJ
servations. why. you big piano mover.
you look as fine as ever | saw you, and
it's a wonder you wouldn't challenge this
Johnson dinge to a fight TO a finish In
stead of moonin around yammerin' about
bein' sick, and If And so on and
SO on.
The Fat Man sure has his share OF
bot1lers.
But being a Fat Man is worth all OF
the bothers.
If you don't believe this ask any Fat
Man. CLARENCE l.. CULLEN.