Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-01-05
RECORD OF RESIDENTS IN or
TUMWA, AFTER THOROUGH
PERUsAL FURNISHES STORY
SMITHS ARE NUMEROUS
Johnsons Take Second Money--Hum-
erous Compilation Of Names as
Found by Train Re-
porter,

/ tumwa at the time of issuance, affords
a humorous instance in some of the
names therein. In order to familiarize
the train reporter with the names OF
each individual residing in the corpor-
ate limits of Ottunlwa so he could not
be called upon to gently inquire your
name and address when accostins
YOU as you alight from an incoming
train or sit patiently awaiting the ar
rival of carrier to convey you TO
parts miscellaneous, he was assigned
the job of writing this story Of the
things in the directory some six
months ago. Instructions were given
that it was to appear in the New
Years edition Of the Courier, but like
some of the trains he meets daily, he
did not work per schedule, and thus
it blossoms out just three days late.
The result of his lahors is funny in
whole it is not what he expected
after SO much work, but the compila-
ton of it has one redeeming feature,
and that is that every one in Ottum-
wa whose name appears in the direc-
tory is row hung up in the brain attic
of the youngster and the working of
trains every day this year, therefore,
will be more rapidly accomplished.
| The first name in the book is that
of Ray Addey, 3O2 West Williams
street, on the South Side, and the last
belongs TO Michael Zwer, 1914 West
Second street, The first prize is
awarded to the Smith family for the
largest number. There are 1874 Smiths
in the directory, and 1870 Johnsons.
tbs Big Joke.
To commence the story, all persons
who are referred to in connection
with cards and as. being undesirable
citizens, etc. are asked to take no Of
Tense as this story is meant pure and
simple as a heap big JOSH there
fore, don't be offended.
1t is extremely proper, in the direc-
tory, as well as other things, that the
Bible should be given the first thought.
/ Ottumwa has 16 Adams. S Gaines, I
Abel, s Daniels. | Jacob, IS Jordans,
8 Simpsons, 8 Shepherds,7 Abrahams.
6 Peters, II Matthews. There are
also a number of Marys. Johns, Isaacs
and others, but as surnames are the
only ones dealt with. these are use
less. After the Bible would. of
course. come the church. In the
local directory there are Churches,
Chapel, Kinks, and 4 Parishes.
These are supplied with 8 Bells and
II Singer and the congregation is
looked after by 2 Popes, 4 Bishops, 2
Abbotts. Rectors, Deans, / Deacon
and 3 Elders. In the churchyard
there are 9 Graves.
ottumwa Great CITY,
That this city is great municipal
ty is the opinion Of 2 Websters. To
start out with, Ottumwa has 46 Bak-
ers. 9 BARRIERS, Barker, 10 Carpen-
tiers, 81 Cooks. 1.-TWO of them really
are cooks). Is Coopers, 2 Goldsmths,
8 Gardeners. % Harpers, 8 Lillys. 8
Masons, Messengers, "a Millers. 5
Miners, 2 Oatmen, 7. Parsons, 6 Pipers,
II Porters, Il Potters, 3 Ryders, 1
Saddler, II Salters, 8 Shepherds, 1S
SINNERS, l Sleeper, IA Springers, 3
Tanners. % Taylors, IA Turner's, so
Walkers, l Tower, 7 Walls. Webbs,
|3 Webbers. II Wells. 5 Wheelers. L
Halter, 3 Masons, 2 Masts and 4
Dyers.
/ There are very few towns anywhere
that can boast of Mayors. Then
there are % Halls. II Wards, 7 Mar
shalls, Rhodes. There are some
Goode places for Holmes. And an
other thing, Ottumwa is cbildless
as well as saloonless town. Just think
for minute Of such population
only having Kids. and these Kids
are all the time quarreling over
Balls and / Darrell.
Has Poor Ball Team.
According to the directory, Ottunl-
va is not a real live Ball town. After
searching through and through it was
found that they have 2 Banners, and
only Balls, l Starr. 3 Myttons. IL
Saxes and an Etu)mpif)re could be
scraped up. There were 5 Battersons
! found.
This vicinity is full Of men OF all
kinds. There are English and French
: Freemen, Blackmen, Brockmen, Bee
men, Colemen. Wellmen and number
of other men.
Al an auction held on the Morrow
the following articles viii be put ur
| for sale: Beard, Is Chews. 2 Cor
t ners, 8 Vests and ! Coate. It would
t also be a pleasure to dispose of the
1 following undesirable inhabitants: 1t
savages, Shark, Seymours. {
! Sharps, Crums and one Grouchy
: fellow.
e Although Leap Year was Just ended
theG is still one Bachlar rem aiming
!. but he is recorded as being married
He has met with the common fate
!, but is not Cross.
: Hunters are Numerous
a For those TO prefer to Hunt ant
Fish. the territory surrounding Ottum
: wa has many advantages. Our Fores
preserve Is the Best ist the land
7 There are numerous Parks. The Stof
!, fe is covered with plenty Of Grass
! There are number of Lakes, Brooks
y Dales and Fords.
Once upon time a party of :
= Archers, ~ Fishers, 8 Hunters and :
Bowmen spent week on our pre-
$ serves. They were armed with twt
] Hooks, Kirbys, 1 Line, Spears ant
. Shields. They were well paid 70
their work They returned home will
a 8 Baers, Bee, ] Buck, 2 Crabbs,