Pierre weekly free press. (Pierre, S.D.) 1889-19??, 1909-01-07
HON. RANSOM
PEABODY
The Fable of the Hoosier Bill of Far.
and How the Women Folks Cooked Tn
Things for the Well-Known Citizen.
By GEORGE ABE
Author of Fables in Slang" etc.
Copyright, by Bobbs-Merrill CO..
Author of Fables in Slang" etc.

gloves when he Toiled and on Sundays
put on slew of Agony, with sheet
iron Shoes pointed at the End and
neat Derby purchased in Terry Hut.
Now this Freckled Swain, whose
name was Ransom, wanted to hop on
the lnter-Reuben and go tipping away
to see the Great World. He wanted
to live in big Town where he would
not have to walk on the Plowed
Ground and where he could get some
thing Good to Eat. He was tired of
the plain Vittles out on the Farm.
They very seldom had anything on
the Table except Chicken with Gravy,
Salt-Rlsing Bread, Milk, seven or eight
vegetables, Crulls, Cookies, Apple
Butter, Whortleberry Pie, Light Bis
cult, Spare Ribs, Pigs Feet, Hickory
Nut Cake and such like. This thing
OF drawing up every A. M. to the same
old Lay Out of homemade Sausage,
Buckwheat Cakes. Recent Eggs, Fried
Mush and Mothers Coffee was begin
ming to wear on him. Often he
dreamt OF being in the Metropolis,
Where he could get an Oyster Stew,
Sardines, and Ice Cream in the Win
ter Time.
At last his Dream came out of the
Box, He went up to the City to at
tend Law School and found himself
domlciled in a Refined Joint that was
a cross between a Salon and Bean
cry. 1t was one of those Regular
Places kept by thin Lady who had
once ridden in her Own Carriage.
Her Long Suit was Home Atmosphere.
She had the Railways filled with it.
What is more, she came from an Old
Family Lord CORVALLIS once stopped
at their House to get a Drink of
Water and George Washington came
very near sleeping in one of the Bed
Rooms. So that made the Board
about so cents more on the Week.
Like all high-class Boarding Houses,
it was infested by some Lovely Peo-
| pie. There was the girl who spelled
| II Edythe and was having her voice
zone over. She had Mother to keen
Gases on her and do the Press Work
Also there was the Class Widow who
| remembered her husbands name but
mad mislaid the Address. Also the
! Old BcarGer who was always under
| the influence of Pepsin. He would
come down to Breakfast wearing the
! Hoof-Marks of a Nightmare Seventeen
| Hands high and holer about the Food
and tell the Young Lawyer how YOU
cant believe anything you see in the
Papers. Also there was a young man
employed in Furniture Store who
| Knew that he could put Eddie Sothern
on the Fritz if he ever got a Whack
at Inc Drama. Unless some one got
out an Injunction he would. recite
! Poe,s Raven while Edythe PLAYED
| Chllls and Fever music on the Once.
| r1ano- So the Astute Reader will I'M
derstand that this was a sure enoneb
Boarding House
| Ranse could have stood for the In
| tellectual Environment if there had
been little more doing in the Food
| Line. instead of stacking it up on the
lable and giving the word to Pitch
ln' the Refined Landlady had it
| brought on in stingy little Dabs nv
| several Beautiful Heiresses who hated
! 10 mold Converse with Ordinary
| boarders. About the time that Ranse.
with the Farm Appetite, began to set
| Tie Down to Business he would notice
an the other People rolling up the Red
| Napkins and trying to get them into
the Rings. If he kept on eating after
that, they would give him the Eve
cereals were strongly featured at
the polite Prunery. Ransom. while
employed on the Farm, had often
mixed up Chop Feed and Bran for the
Shoats and Yearlings, but he never
thought he would come down to eating
1t himself. Another Strong Card was
Soup that was quite Pale and had
couple OF Vermicelli swimming
around In it. And every Tuesday
they served Dried 'Currants with
| Clinkers in them.
Before Ranse had been against the
Health Food Proposition many moons
ne began to banker for the yellow
legged Plymouth Rocks, the golden
Butter and the kind of milk that
comes from the Cow-take a Tin Cun
and go right out to the Spring House
and dip it up for yourself. Poor. Ell?
Still, be figured that as soon as no
got into Practice and began to CON
meet with the Currency he could shake
the Oatmeal Circuit and put up at an
AL Hotel
Like all the other Country Bows Of
the Story Books, Ransom made a
Ten-Strike in the City. He worked 18
hours per and in Due Time he was
taken into the Firm and stopped shaw.
ing his Neck and wore Paiamas in.
stead OF homemade Nightie.
Then he moved into a Hotel that
had $4,000 worth of Paintings on the
First Floor, so that no one had .
right to kick even if the Push Button
failed to work. All the Furniture was
Louie Something. You take an ex-
Farmland and let him sit in a Gold
Chair with Satin Monogram that is
too Nice to lean against, and you can
see at Glance that he is sure en-