The Fargo forum and daily republican., 1909-06-19
Mr.. DOOLEY ON CASTRO'S
,..... 90. ), TROUBLES ]. J /. a.
BY r. p. Dunno

name iy 1t in Biography. Th' smouId
hrin hathred FIR tn opprissors an tn
enthusyasm FIR th' army iv revolution
burst out as he proceeded an all along
tn line iy march tn popylace rose on
wan elbow an greeted their emancipa-
tor with frantic yawns
AT tn capitol he met a desp'rit re-
lsistance. Long days tn fearful battle
ragged. All TIL horrors iv civil war at
| tinded tn engagement High an Bit
ter wurruds were spoken. No quarter
was asked or given. Th' city rang with
tn despairin' cries iv Get off me foot,
Don't shove, an Coward, to refuse a
| light to lady
FIR days tn tide iv battle ebbed an
flowed ontil tn peerless Casthro him
silf dashed through all obstacles an
plunged headlong again tn governmint
foorces snapped his fingers in tn face
iv tn able but ill-strred commander,
Don Gulipo de Swizzle This action
has been denounced be sintimitalists
as crool an barb-rous an blot on
Cashtro's name. But, as Gin'ral Sher-
man said: War is hell Th' harsh
est measures ar-re sometimes .nicis-
sary Casthro has often said he re-
sthrained himsilf on this occasion. If
tn inthrests iv me beloved country
required 1t / wud've pulled his nose
says he. Forchnitely no such ex-
threme was demanded. Th' opposin'
gin'ral broke an fed an that night
Ciprianio Casthro occupied tn palace
iv his ancestors, tn Inkies
stIJis xvaS upN,y oxrar ~
thought an he was prepared to return
to his native roost, but tn grateful
people iv Vinzwala wud not have it
so. Thrue to his republican thraditions
he called fr an iliction FIR presidint
be tn qualified voters iv tn father
land. TIL returns were eagerly skim
uncle wan But as his brother in law
an his uncle were in jail convicted iv
threason again tn republic tn votes
f'r thin were thrown out an Casthro
was unanimously ilicted.
That's as far as tn histhry goes
What I'm goin' to tell We now is thrue.
Ciprianio made tn fine prisidint. He
was tn first South American prisidint
iver heerd iv an tn reason is he was
so TROUBLESOME. 'Tis like we're neign-
bor If he's a quiet, honest, peacable
man we amt INTERESTED in him But if
he keeps a dog that's attintive to th'
calf iv ye'er leg as We pass by, or
doesn't shovel off tn snow firm in
front iv his dure, or brutally stamps
on a defnceless pianoly at midnight
We find out all about him. So it was
with Casthro. Who liver heerd iv tn
name iv amy prisidint iv Brazil or
Peeru. or Pattygonya or amy other iv
thin noble republics that set so proud
ly in tn Jim Crow section iv tn Broth
erhood iv Man? That's because thy're
dacint men. But Casthro win have
all his titles in histhry whin thy're
mintioned as ts-his-name?
"As / told We, he become a public
nuisance an tn grand time he had iv
1t. He abolished revolutions as affim-
nate an tucked all tn rivolutionists
in Jail Thin he took step that
showed tn vicious side iv his charac-
kter. He wudden't pay out money 10
furriners whin they sneeded it. Tis
hard to explain tn situation to an on
cultivated man like We, Hinnissy, who
don't know anything about internay-
tional law, but it's like this: If a
German comes to this country an
starts PIP a delicatessen shop an We
get tick firm him f'r furlong ivs sau-
sages an We cont ray. he's apt to go
down to Haistcd sthreet an swear out
warrant f'r We an hire lawyer an
thry tn case befure a jury an If he
gets tn verdick, We carry tn case to
tn supreem coort an it tucks it undheI
pillow an layes wurrud not to be
called. But in South American re-
public tn procedure is different TIL
delicatessen dealer doesn't go to coort
because TIL coorts in thin parts onlike
ours ar-re prejudiced Sgain furriners.
He goes an sees his ambassadure an
tells his tragic story Th' ambassa-
dure puts on his soord an his cooked
hat an tears off FIR tn white house.
He knocks down tn private sicrity at
tn dure, grabs tn prisidint be tn col
lar an says he: Ye have insulted
| tn flag iv his Germanic majesty.
Glory be- says tn presidint, must y
We done it in me sleep. What has hap
pened?' says he citizen iv Vim
zwala has felonyously refused to pay
wan iv his majesty's subjicks FIR his
sausages an be this an be that If We
don't give me two dollars this blessed
minyit an a sootable apology on ye'c4'
bended knees, there'll be a manly war
in tn harbor tomorrah shootin' things
into ye'er front parlor,' says tn am
bassadure
well sir, whin Casthro wint into
office tn impydint fellow wudden't col
lect money FIR anybody but himself.
What dye think Nv that? Says he:
Amy money that is hurtin' me con-
stitooents is mine, he says. Well, sir,
there was th'- divvle to pay He was
MT satisfied at refusin' to give up. He
hung up a sign In tn palace: Book
agents an ambassadures barred Whin
tn German ambassadure called about
th sausages he chased him half way
to tn dock. Th' Fr-rinchs ambassa-
dure got gay about claim iv citi-
zen iy la belle France an Casthro, th'
little villyan. put him on ship an
thin quarantined him. He threw tn
Dutch ambassadure out iv second
story window an he give tn English
ambassadure three hours to lave town.
Refure he'd been prisidint a year Ill
TIL gr-Teat powers iv tn wurruld were
riprisinted in yinzwala be an office boy
iv tn Chinese embassy. An there set
little Casthro smokin a seegar, dhrink
i'm his rum out iv a coal scuttle an
havin' tn time iv his life.
"Well, sir, tn powers iv Europe
were mad clane through. They sint
their navies to lombard Caracas an
discovered that 1t was an inland town
Wen invade an desthroy ye, says
they Come on says Casthro, but BE
careful not to lose ye'er way says he