The Topeka state journal., 1909-02-24
HUMOR or THE DAY

Him-Mary! You have been kissed be-
fore! Her-What makes you think so?
Him-You knew enough to scream.-Cleve-
land Leader.
what a tremendous following that
ents, my friend; they are detectives."-
Newark News.
'I would that I might share your
griefsP' You'd look mighty funny with
one of my shoes on."-Houston Post.
Hoax-Don't you find that Swiss cheese
is very indigestible? Joax-On the con-
trary. it is very holesome.-Philadelph
Record.
Did you eyer. gamble, map only
once. my SON" And when was that?''
hamm Age-Herald.
Say, grandpa. make a noise like a frog
weh III; get Reo s5,oOO Sgsuocess Gees "HeH you ''0@A
Boreleigh-Ha-ha, old mani Mailing
down a carpet, are you? Jones (who has
carpet was here all the time. I'm Just
putting the floor under t!-Chicago News.
Braggs-A safe conversation rule is:
When in doubt talk of the weather. Cribs
Safe nothing! met my tailor yesterday,
Piled Yes, it is Unsettled, and that re-
minds me of that little bill of yours."-
Judge.
Mabel do not use a rat, thank you.
Abel-What is ii, then-an elephant?-
Puck.
You say you read every word of the ad-
vertisements in that magazine?"- Yes"
answered Miss Cayenne. IT'S a relief to
find something that isn't in dialect
Wasp
Large and Dignifted Uncle-why don't
you get up and give one of the ladies your
seat, Tommy? Tommy-Why don't you get
up and give them all your seat?-Harpers
Weekly.
small GGplS SsgSS gS9Sf gys qat NBz sPt at ao s qsts he
ask for himself?'' 'Oh. it's up to me to do
dat. I'm his social y."-Louisviiie
Journal.
Got Her Maiden Name Baclk-"There
KISS 90eh%ed s0ehGso His beeTe Tfe fSTmery ars
slightly behind the times. Miss Soandso
was formerly his wife."-Kansas City
Unflinching Woman.-"A woman has a
to how?'' IF man dreaded shopping as
wouldn't o."-Philadelphia Bulletin.
Ba1last!--The old balloonist looked at
the questioner. "Ballast?' he repeated.
We'll. as a general tn thing 9p Tn pretty y sure
last?" Sure. When want to rise a
little higher we tighten the jug by drink
ing the contents. and when we want to
go still higher we drop the empty jug over
board."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Peace.-The Czar-I will build two big
battleships. John Bull will build four.
The Czar-I will build eight. John Bull
will build sixteen. The Czar-Let us
have peace.-Hamilton (Canada) Spectator.
Housekeeper-Who are you? Tramp
Madam, I'm an after-dinner speaker
Judge.
You are. wasting your time. old man."
the the wrong girl" mo; she's the right
girl. I'm afraid the trouble is I'm the
wrong man."-Philadelphia Inquirer.
WAS your father college bred?'' "Yes.
but we never mention it. The college he
went to had a rotten football team
Chicago Record-Herald.
"You don't like the way he laughs?'
mo; it is too loud and forced-to say
of being hollow. He laughs like
a hit Congressman listening to the read j
ing of a presidential message.-Cleveland/
Plain Dealer.
Mr.. Jawback-what? You want a new
hat? Why, you have one for every day in
the week already. Mrs. Jawback-I know
but haven't one for Sunday.-C1eveland
Leader.
The man who is nobody's fool proves
nothing further than that the right wom-
an hasn't chosen to take possession.-Puck.
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