The Ordway new era., 1909-11-26
NO WONDER SHE BALKED
Trials of an Editor with a Retro cfory
Gasoline Engine--Khy the "Ka-
peeter" "Kouidn't"kapunk"

The editor of the Vermontvillc
lMich.) Echo is humorous cuss. The
other day his gasoline engine went on
u tear and refused To work. Instead
OF going into spasms lie liked IL up
and then wrote the following account
OF the incidents: The editor OF "a
country newspaper has trials and trib-
ulations that would send an ordinary
individual To the bughousc and you
can no doubt imagine the state uf
mind Of the wicder Of the quill when
some delinquent subscriber calls ut
the Office aud after an unlimited
amount Of hot air and the most pleas
ant smile imaginable announces that
lie will call In a few days and settle,
then walks around the corner and de-
libcratcly drops dead. This Is but one
ri the many little Incidents that 90 10
make up the life OF the country editor,
and he takes them all good naturedly,
but when IL comes TO the gasoline en-
glne In the back room buttin' In and
trying 10 make things unpleasant the
limit Is about reached and yc editor
Just sits In the Office chair and cusscs.
Just to culiyen things up bit the
Echo Office engine got cranky streak
on last Wednesday, and the more we
crankcd IL the crankier IL got, until
finally the atmosphere around our or
dinarily peaceful sanctum took on
rather blush hue. 1t is one of-thc
best engines made and cannot go
wrong, so the directions say. but
somehow or other we did not seem to
hold our mouth right aud IL Just would
| not run. IL Is u water cooled, high
pressure, non-stiuker, double-action.
single barrel anti-profanity instigator
AT ilrst we thought the tropic OF
capricorn had slipped into the king
row, and sure the exhaust was bent.
We uuscTcwed the umbilicus, drew
the range Under out. creased the pug
tongue, bent the dowhangadingus, and
even put IL together again. Every
| thing looked tight, and we cranked IL
for an hour or two to see IL wouldn't
combust audibly, but 1t wouldn't.
Then thinking that oil had accumu-
lated in the duifoppus so that the
guyascutus couldn't cualcsce with the
noncompos mentis, we took out the
loofunny, wiped the synovial fluid
from the pendemonius, and removed
the oil. This made everything look
all right. The engine should have
said 'kapett,' 'kapeet,' right along
now, but it merely said 'pr-r-r-r,' and
that was ALL
"There is tea canister annex
screwed on top Of the main duodenum
that runs up through the roof that
usually says 'kapunk' at each explo-
sion, but which was maintaining Il dis
Greet silence all this time. We re-
solved to 20 up on the roof and inves-
tigate this. Here we found that fuzzy
wuzzys twormsl from the big willow
tree near the Echo Office had built
their nest and plugged up the 'kapunk-
err This solved the mystery. When
| it tried to 'kapeet inside the "kapunk-
cr outside was cramped up sitter
than the right leg of the goddess of
liberty. After adjusting the '.outside
kapunker," which released the "inside
kapeeter, confidence was Immediately
restored.
| "a gasoline engine is Just as simple
as hocing turnips when you get next
to its curves. But our experience is
that no gasoline engine can 'kapeet
when it is banged up in the snoozle." J"
Ordway merchants are getting in
goods for the holiday trade. Watch
for their announcements in the New