davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

for providence to number the hairs of his head.
 The shafts of wit of the professional jokesmith harmlessly expend themselves upon the polished crowns of those des- titute of their proper share of capillary covering. Wit, like death, loves shin- ing mark, and the baldheaded man is an easily vulnerable target. These light shafts of humor do not strike deep, and have no re-entrant barb to create ranking wound. But when a man of science stands up and tells an assem- blaze of savants that baldheaded people are degenerates it makes all baldhsadsd people everywhere feel badly.
 A baby feels badly enough about It, anyway and that is the real reason why a baby cries. It does not want the moon, as is popularly supposed. It IS not as a rule the victim of a malicious ana prying pin that is pricking it somewhere. It is not usually suffering from indlges- tion. It is simply crying because It IS bald. and it sees. no hope of ever get ting any sehair Now to be told in addi- ton that Vt Is a degenerate makes 
 bear. <
 There will be weeping and waiiing' put without gnashing of teeth, in many nur- series because of this declaration with regard to the connection between badness and degeneracy It will be no use to assign teething or the collie as the reason. Since Calvin enunciated the the ory of infant damnatpn there has been no pronouncement which has brought such grief and consternation to the nur- sery as this declaration that the hairless are degenerates. Some mothers to re- assure their infants and alleviate their dis tress. have decided to buy wigs for them but 1t is likely that the child's intelli- eence will soon penetrate the deception. The situation is one for the serious con- sideration of those who have at heart the welfare of helpless innocent babyhood.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
REFLECTIONS OF. A BACHELOR
From the New York Press.

T oEs
 When man puts a high value on club life it's a sign he has a home.
 The worst thing about being a good example is how you wish it was some other fellow.
 Good as women are, they don't bring the human average up very high be- cause men are so far down.
 About the only use of the average excuse man offers is to get him mad because nobody will accept 1t.
 A girl looks at man in street car to see If there is cause for her to grow indignant over his looking at hers
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
Music in Montnomerv.

T attended a delightful concert in Mont gomery last Wednesday given under the direction of Rienzi Thomas,' said a mu- sician. "The entertainment was in the Seals Piano Co.'S parlors and among the features were several numbers by the female chorus of the Wednesday Woman's club, a solo by John Calman of Birming- ham, and Beethoven sonata for piano and violin by MT. Thomas and MT. Cal man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

The Georgia legislators do not meet till June, and they are not unit on the proposition to be kind and polite to the railroads, provided MT. Hartman spends s1O,OOO,OOO on the Central Rail- road of that state.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
BUILD THOU THY TEMPLES.

By Lloyd Miffln. Reward lies in the work, not in the eye Nor voice of critic. Whether on the
 mart Or on the Heliconian hills apart. Toll at thy temples builded in the sky. Dreams are in sooth the only verity. The world with scorn may lacerate thy
 heart
 Insult with praise too late. Delve at
 thine art; Beauty shall never unremembered die. The sculptor, unillustrious and alone, Pent in the still seclusion of his room, ,Carves, through the vexed vicissitudes
 of years, Some marvel in Carrara; but the stone Men heed not till it stands above his
 tomb
 The cold commemoration of his tears.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
Roots Great Capacity.

''In a recent magazine article the sweep ing assertion was made that Elihu~ Root was the greatest American in public life remarked a student of affairs.
 q am not a hero worshipper, but l
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

The board appointed by political pull in the interest of rotten manufacturers cannot popularize benzoate of soda or other poisons.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

It is to cost s12,000 more to inau- gurate MT Taft than it did MT Roose- welt. At this rate inaugurations will soon be more expensive than corona tiOns
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
OPIUM IN FORMOSA

of which were, first, to place the opium commodity under governmental monopo- ly; second, to prohibit non-smokers from acquiring the habit; third, to require the registration of all habitual smokers, who thereafter would be allowed to purchase the drug only upon presentation of H. cense. this in turn being shielded by legislative rule; fourth, to encourage smokers to abandon the habit; and, final, ly, to impress upon non-smokers the baneful influences on morals and on all progress which so surely follow in the wake of the habit
 In the brief period of seven years the Japanese government has been gratified to find, through well and carefully com piled statistics, the signal success it's in- itial crusade has met. The result cer- tainly transcends the most sanguine ex- pectations as to the efficacy of the meth- ods introduced
 The statistics given by the consul gen. eral are certainly encouraging to all n- terested in this subject. In 1900 Formosa had a population of 2,s40,S7S, of whom 165,752 were licensed opium smokers. Tn 1907, with population of 3.193.70e. there were but 127,477 licensed smokers. The decrease was gradual year by year, with the exception of a slight increase in 1902 and in 1907, due to a shifting of the population and to a re-registering and the compulsory registration of some habitual smokers who had evaded this requirement of the law.
 Early in 1908 still more carefully com- piled statistics showed that nearly 10000 incurable smokers were registered, which (sinoe their indulgence long antedates the year 1900, when the so-called gradual pro- hlbitory measures were introduced, and preceded the compilation of the first sta tistical report which should have includ- ed them) brings the gradual decrease in the number of opium smokers in For mosa to point that is indeed~very grat- flying.
 At such a wholesome rate of decrease it is hoped, and it may fairly be expect ed, that within 20 years this new insular possession of Japan will be destitute of opium smokers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Thus far no demand for benzoate of soda foods or drinks has arisen. The people decline to adopt Remsen fash ions
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

The sending of chauffeurs to prison for manslaughter has been inaugurated and it is fashion that should be main tained
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Cuba has freedom and independence, and she is using them to have all the cock and bull fights she wants.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Uncle Ike Stephenson does not think he is seeking a tainted seat as sena- torial seats go. He knows a thing or two about the Senate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Canned 'possum with no sulphur dioxide or benzoate of soda or other Remsen poison in it has appeared on the markets.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Senator Stephenson's primary ex- penses have filled with disgust the peo- pie of Wisconsin.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Some politicians drumming in the fog with no wireless instruments to summon the people.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

The weather bureau is naturally jeal- ous of the groundhog's reputation as a weather forecaster.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Edgar Allan Poe would be surprised, if alive and on earth, to see how fa- nous he has become.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

readily agreed with the writer ot~the article in question. Before the civil war this country. north and south, had states men of transeendent ability whose leaderT ship made profound impression on the public In the years following close upon the war several of the old school states men were still in Congress; but now the ante-bellum type is sadly missing. In the place of the old-tlmers, however we have a number of brilliant men-up-to-date statesmen. Many of these moderns have large capacity, but in my opinion MT. Root is the most potential individual in the United States. He is a splendidly equipped mana great lawyer and great diplomat. MT. Root personally Is not a popular man. He seems to care nothing for seomradeship and many per sons there are who think him cold-blood- ed. But all the same he is high-olass statesman and mighty power in diplo macy. As Secretary of War he reorgan- ized the army and as Secretary of State he is the ablest since Blalnes day"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Governor Patterson of Tennessee de- nies that he was afflicted with demen- tia politiciana in the Cooper case.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
A Loyal Friend.

"superbn said Judge J. J. Banks of Denver. as he entered the Terminal sta tion after visit to his old home here. on his way back to Colorado. "In no one way do I find such an expression of the growth of Birmingham as in this mag nhcent station. l was delighted with the progress I noticed on every hand here; the splendid business structures already occupied and those in process of erection. Since I wenf away great improvements have been made all over the city, but l was particularly impressed with the lovely homes that have been erected on Highland avenue during the past few years.
 "I return to my new home delighted with my visit among those friends of other days who have made me doubly re- gret to go away l feel sure that Bir- mingham has glorious future"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
THE sALpHEApEp MAN.
Philadelphia Ledger

From the Philadelphia Ledger.
 In paper read before the College of Physicians some hard and cruel things were said of the man who makes it easy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Menelilk is head Car r-Kaiser-speaker of Abyssinia, and he is not dead.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Billy 'Possum will hold the field as a popular toy until white rhinoceros crowds him out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Hartman can never fill Chauncey Depew's shoes, for he never tells an cient jokes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Following precedent, Jack Binns should be sent to Congress, the haven of heroes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Mr Groundhog is at any rate begin ming his work with moderation and kindness.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Mr Hartman may intend to break Up the solid south by buying Up all it's railroads.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08
LOST GRAVES OF MUSICIANS.

The coming boss will keep a trained eye on Panama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Nickelodeqns are to be restricted in St. Louis toIthree to block. or AT to street.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-02-08

Washington Bureau Age-Heraid, 142l Q street. N. W.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

But He Couldn't.
IT AM afraid your
wife will lose
her voice."
II wish I could
share your fears,
DOCTOR"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

Thrifty Landlord.
WHEY - Don't
you think we
had better let FL
la take singing les
sons?
H u b b y = N o t
while I own the
adjoining houses.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04
DELICIOUS!

"What ik- your birthday,
boys o m a
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

A Poor Example.
RACHELLER-
Do you be-
lieve in sparing
the rod?
| Newpop - H 0 W
was it in your
case?
Bachelor - My
father punished
me numerically.
Newpop-Then I
believe in sparing
the rod.
Not Like Her
Chickens.
rs this really
r n 1 n Ii on 2's
20 f C ou r S e."
snapped Mrs. Star
VEN. Doesn't 1t
taste like chick
en- 2"
Ora cious, n o!
It's positively ten
der"
T h e Pr o p e r
| Thing.
| FIR ST Society
Queen-Whats
Divorced again?
Second Society
Queen-Well, dear,
one must keep up
appearances.
Final.
TT E-B u t w h y
- d o mt y u
C o m e canoeing
with me?
S h e = Well, be-
C a u S e / C a n t
breathe under wa
ter for one thing.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

Many Like Him.
HE never for ;.
gets a favor"
mo; always re-
members it an d
comes round and
asks for another
on the strength Of
it."
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

Successful.
"HAS that artist
made a rep
utation?" @
"He'sdone better
than that. He's
made a living"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

A Great Discov-
cry.
TTNCLE Sil a S
q o o king at
the sign, "Woman's
Exchange") = By
gosh, if I'd knowed
of this place afore
I'd a-swapped Sal
long afore this.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04
Not Like Her
Chickens.

An lnfantile Sci
enlist.
WHY do you
put tn o S e
wooden slippers on
the baby?'
SOS he can
shuttle his feet, sir,
an fill hisself up
with Electricity an
draw a spark on
t h e dogs nose,
SIR
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

Explained.
HER Husband
You are nat
urally of a pessi-
mistic disposition.
/ don't believe l
ever saw you hap
Ply.
His Wife-That's
easily explained.
Her Husband -
Well. how do you
explain 1t?
His Wife = You
never saw me be-
fore / met you.
After the Verdict.
Mr.. Lakeside
Well, you
have your divorce.
I hope you want
nothing more from
me.
Mrs. Lakeside
Only a letter Of
reference.
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

All Over.
BL1NKs CATER a
long absence)
And how is Jinks.
getting along? Is
he as madly in love
with Miss De Pref
ty as ever?
Old Friend-Oh,
he's all over that.
You don't say
So"
yes, / n d e e d;
been married to
her a year."
A Favorite of
Fortune.
JOE always did
have 6 o o d
luck"
What has hap
pened now?"
He died just in
time to get that
free funeral offer
ed by a new un-
dertaking firm"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04
Evidence.

Evidence.
TT Q w d 0 W e
know t h a t
Solomon was the
wisest MANI"
well, for one
thing, he got to-
gether a colossal
fortune without
being investigat-
ed
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04
DOCTORS ORDERS.

"Now promise
everything you"
Sickleigh:
"Good me m bill"
Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1909-05-04

Wifey (suspiciously):
at your club? Is it pro
Hubby (innocently):
to ehaperon this Kit, !"
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22
THE HEATED REPLY
 OF THE PRESIDENT
To Senator Hemenway's Report Crit
 icising the Secret Service.

Washington, Feb. 21.-President Roosevelt today made a vigorous and lengthy reply to the attacks made on the secret service in the report of Senator Hemenway. MT. Hemenway in his report said that the secret service was not intended to be a spy" system. The president says that if the limitations in the use of the secret service had been in force when the land frauds were unearthed, senator, a representative and va rious men of wealth and high polit- ical influence, who were convicted, would all have escaped punishment
 The letter of the president is ad dressed to Chairman Hale of the sen- ate appropriation committee. It char acterizes MT. Hemenway's report as both inaccurate and misleading in many important respects and it pre- serits a mass of facts and figures in defense of the secret service dur ing the seven years of his admins tratiOn.
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22

suffered seriously and none of the
 sugar beet farmers reported any
 damage last night. All in all, the
 storm was a nice big Sunday joke.
 In this connection it may be in- teresting to give the weather mans explanation of why it is we have hail when the climate is too mild for snow. The theory of snow is a cold high, current that congeals the water and the little flakes float down to earth when there is little pres sure against them from lower cur rents. Hail on the other hand is rain encountering lower currents with an upward tendency so strong as to drive the rain drops back into a freezing temperature. They again drop toward the earth, are again driven back through the snow which attaches and congeals, making the onion like layers to the hail pellet. This may be repeated many times until the hail is of remarkable size and finally reaches a point where there is no sustaining upward cur rent, and it drops to the earth.
 One of the most interesting fea- lures of yesterday was the de- light of the small boys and the con- of the dogs and cats and horses in Phoenix, that have grown up since the last real snow storm, thirteen years ago and who yesterday this phenomenon for the first time.
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22
'OUTF|TT|NG POINT
 FOR LITTLE BUTTE
Phoenix Will Be Given th9 First Chance on All Mining Supplies.

| J. E. Meyer, president of the Ari- | zona-Bouse Mining company. who has been in Phoenix for two or three days, has bought more than a carload of hardware and supplies of the Long Hardware company. One carload of ! this was two and a half-inch pipe for the pumps and other purposes. and the rest of it was made up Of ore buckets. cars, Trails, picks, shovels, drill steel and all those numerous things that are required in mine development.
 He also bought the furniture for the superintendents house, which is now under construction, and which will be large enough for his family and a spare guest room or two for officers or vis- itors when they go to the mine. Bunk and boarding houses are planned and the material on the ground. The gall lows frame, hoist, etc, are also on the ground
 About fifteen men are now working. ten of them on the surface and the rest in the shaft. As soon as the hoist is in place and the shaft gets to the 100-level, a drift will be run each way and additional miners employed. This will be repeated again at the 200-level. and it is expected that by the 1st of March about twenty-five men will be employed.
 Speaking of his supplies. MT. Meyer said it is his purpose to buy everythi possible in Phoenix, and if the mer- chants will furnish him supplies at anywhere near the price he can buy things for elsewhere. he will do prac- tically all of his buying here. This he expects will amount to from s3,O00 to S, 900 per month.
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22
WHEN MOB MET GREEK
 IN STREETS OF OMAHA
Two Boys Were Shot and Many
 Seriously Injured.

Omaha, Feb. 21.-Ai mob of five hundred in South Omaha attempted to drive the Greeks from town this afternoon. Twenty buildings were attacked, store fronts smashed and the windows of residences broken. Two boys in the mob were shot by the Greeks.
 Before the thirst for blood had been satisfied, besides the two boys shot, at least eight other persons were injured by heavy missiles which the crowd used for weapons. Thirty buildings were partially de- molished. The injured boys are Frank Sweeney and Joseph Gamble, about fifteen years of age. The others injured are foreigners.
 The attack centered at 25th and O streets, in the Greek quarter. Many narrowly escaped death at the hands of the mob. The. sheriff dis persed the crowd with a large force of deputies. Many Italians and ROUmanians were also assaulted. The, lawlessness lasted three hours.
 The sheriff swore in many deputies who are keeping the crowd quiet tonight. A Greek killed Policeman Lowery on Friday night, a mass meeting followed and rabid speeches were made. At nine o'clock tonight the mob began again, and many were severely beaten by the deputies be- fore the riot was quelled.
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22
bATTLESH|PS
 WATT OUTSIDE Arrival of the Fleet at the
 Bays Entrance THE NAVAL REVIEW TODAY
The Most Imposing Marine Event in the History of the American Navy Will Take Place in Hampton Roads This Morning.

Fortress Monroe. Feb. 21-The re- turning battIeship fleet reached the southern drill grounds, fifty miles off
 the Virigian Capes. early today, and the Connecticut was in constant wire
 less communication throughout the af-
 ternoon.
 The fleet will remain in the grounds
 until o'clock Monday morning. and
 make the Capes by 10 o'clock and be- gin passing the Mayflower, in Chesa- peake bay, an hour later.
 The weather promises to be perfect. The review tomorrow will go down in history as the most notable in the an nals of the American navy. Never be- fore has a president viewed so many ssips in line It will be the greatest , number of battleships ever assembled under the American flag. There will be twenty first class battleships in the imposing column, two more than was in San Francisco harbor. The waters are filled tonight with brilliantly light ed yachts and many government yes sels. The president and party on the Mayflower are well down the Potomac. and the Dolphin is en route with mem 
 steamer carries more than 100 mem bers of the house. Excursion boats are coming from many cities. The collier Ajax came in today.
 The plan for the .eview is as fol- lows: The presidents yacht, May flower, will arrive at the gateway to the Capes at o'clock. It will be in the same position it was in fourteen months ago, when the fleet steamed away. The Connecticut. leading the way of the battleships in a single col umn, and the escorting cruisers will pass the MayfloWer at II o'clock. The line of ships will be more than seven miles long and will be an hour passing. The battleships will proceed to the arl- chorage ground west of Old Point pier.
 The presidents yacht will take po- sition behind the last of the warships, and later, in the center of the fleet at anchor, while the president, as com mander- in- chief. pays an official visit to Admiral Sperry aboard the Con necticut He will then board the Louisiana. the Georgia, the Wisconsin. the division flagships, and. returning to the Mayflower, will proceed to Washington.
 Tomorrow, Admiral Sperry and sev- enty-five officers will be the guests of he Navy League at the Chamberlain house annual dinner of the league.
Arizona republican., 1909-02-22
SMUGGLING CONSPIRACY.
A Carload of Chinese Held Up by a
 Landslide.

San Luis Obispo, Calif.. Feb. 2O.-An organized plan to smuggle Asiatics into this country was discovered when twenty-two Chinamen were found in a bonded car, sealed with a government stamp and billed from Algiers, town near New Orleans. They left there on February 10, billed for San Francisco.
 The car was delayed here by land slide and the conductor heard voices inside The sheriff was notified, and the half starved Chinese were taken out. One stated that they had crossed the Mexican border at Fl Paso, but he refused to give further information. They are held for the arrival of i'm migration officials