davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colorado statesman., 1909-01-23
LAY ON MACDUFF! !

TIL Democrats having time Of it the state house
Nothing eXcte the Democratic the knowledge of the
sion of dominant power The impulse destroy something then be-
beyond the check of the leaders themselves
who become the victims of their followers Democratic
rule therefore always less turbulent and ateaby self
destructive. Democracy has permanent seat in Cooado
The Colorado statesman., 1909-01-23

this booklet, brief as it is, it is not ap.
parent how it can fail to revolutionize
the thinking of the South.
Price, 10 cents. Special rates to
agents.
THE ORION PUB. CO.,
Nashville, Tenn.
The Colorado statesman., 1909-01-23
Suffrage
for All
But
Idiots
By Congressman Geo. A. Pearre,
Maryland.

inhabitants In the highest complication of popular government
there place for portion of the governed who do not participate in
government
With the mee probationary residence continually bow
those foreign birth of American citizenship while exclude
therefrom that large portion of female population consisting
the mothers the sisters the daughters of the republic most Of them
high intelligence and patriotism We thus lose from the electorate
haven the addition of which would far from the
dangers which confront through the great OF and
vicousness in the electorate at present constituted
The Colorado statesman., 1909-01-23

We may answer the question, "Why
should public libraries be open Sunday
mornings?" by asking another: ''Why
should they not be open Sunday mornings
if a sufficient number of their patrons de-
sire it?''
We will assume that public libraries are
what the name implies, and that the Bos
ton library was really Greeted by the mu-
nifcence of citizens and dedicated to the
advancement of learning" Such an impor-
tant part of the equipment of Boston should
be available to those of its citizens whose
The Colorado statesman., 1909-01-23
The Fun
ny Bone
Jokes Can
Win Laughs i'm
Every Nation
A laugh is brother to tear.
By FRANK T. MCINTYRE,
Comedian.

laugh is a brother a
- criminologsts that the hardened the criminal
!. !. ! Il . . ! . ! . ! !. ].
the less susceptible he to humor-in fact the great
~&g the criminal instinct the less the development of
the of humor. 1t is also matter of universal
~ &D knowledge that misanthrope devoid of humor
S && and by the of reasoning it follows that
NV1/N3 the phlanhrops keenly alive to the mirthpro
Mn /MM voking qualities of good story clever wicism
YMMu 1t does follow that the higher developed edu
EN<NHNM caiona homo better audience than he who has
zMWMMlIN had such opportunities for mental aggrandize
Iunor is not peculiar to any country nation
yeach has its peculiar ideas what constitutes huor
he psychology of laugh be defined the outbu of healthy
rental condition by who quick the point of joke
the rsles of situation With the actor than with
her individual clear enncion and exacns of delivery
provoke laughter His however, the situations provided
the author which aid materially in his aim to keep his audience in
ood humor.
have found my experience actor that climatic conditions
also much do with the receptive character of the audience far
rovokng laughs The quicker acknowledge the point
joke than his brother of the SOUTH and notwithstanding much that
been said the contrary New York not far behind the
ability discern the humorous character of situation
line At the maine where children in evidence than at
enng performances, juveniles enjoy laugh well their elders
generally show their appreciation of the efforts of the actor to amu
| a pronounced fashion.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
THE STRANGER on THE SILL

Between the broad fields Of wheat and corn
i the lOwly home where I born.
The peach tree leans against The wall,
And the WColhine waudcrs over all,
Thge Is the shaded doorway STILL
But a strangers foot has crossed the sill
There IS The barn. and. as Of yore,
can smell the hay from the open door,
And sec the busy swallows throng
And hear the pcwees mcuuful song;
But the stranger comes-oh, painful proof
His sheave5 are piled 90 the heated roof.
There is the orchard-the very trees
Where my childhood knew long hours Of ease,
And watch'd the shadcwy moments nun
III my life lmbibcd more shade than sun;
The sWIng from the bough still sweeps the air.
But the strangers children are swinging there.
There bubbles the shady spring below.
With ITS bplrush brook. where the bazeLs grow
Twas there | found the calamus rect.
And WATCHED the minnows poise and shoot.
And heard the robin lave his wing
But the strangers bucket is at the spring.
@ ye who daily cross the sill.
Step lightly fer I love IL still:
And when you crowd the old barn caves.
Inen thlnk what countless harvest sheaTcs
Have ras5d within that scented door
To gladden. the eyes that are no more.
Deal kindly with these orchard trees;
And when Your children crowd your knees
Their sweetest fruit they shall impart
As # old memories stirr'd their heart;
To youthful sport still leave the swing
And In sweet reverence hold the spring.
Thomas Buchanan Read
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
WOMEN IN CATO'S DAY.
No Easy Job for Ancient Boss to De
feat Organized Roman MatrOns.
From the Outlook

rum tlt UlIlp'k-
Among other interesting phases OF Ro-
man life. which Prof Abbott On his
Society and Politics in Ancient Romeo
presents at close range. is the position
Of women IN public affairs. Englishmen
may be co1soled by the knowledge that
the Romans had their troubles 200 years
ago and that the suffragette Is not a
modern mOnsUOSity. After the battle Of
Cannae when Rome had 10 call out the
last reserve resources, a law was passed
forbidding any woman 70 wear a parti-
colored garment or 20 ride in a chariot
except for religious purposes Later. when
prosperity had returned and the Roman
women very naturally wished 70 resume
their dnery and TO drive about in their
chariots. they persuaded two Of the
tribunes TO propose a repeal OF the law,
and used other methods so violent that
Ivy declared that the matrons were kept
at home neither by persuasion. modesty,
nor the authority OF their husbands. They
blocked UP all the approaches 10 the
Forum. importunlng men 10 vote for the
restoration OF their rights
Cato was the leader OF the party op-
posed 10 them. and used the most IN
gallant language concerning their au-
CdClOuS attempt 10 interfere with politics,
and he sums up his remonstranct in the
sentence. las soon as they have begun 10
be your equals they will be your su-
periors' American women have already
attained that position without casting a
ballot
The Roman women went so Tar as "a
organize the Conventus Matronarum. OF
the Little Senate. as II was called. hold
ing meetings on the Ouirinal and settling
questions Of dress. precedence. and the
use OF carriages. There appears to have
/ been a good deal Of frank talk with re-
gard 70 women among the Romans. and
CIodia, whose character had more aspects
than could be wisely described IN these
columns. was called by Cactus "a 3-cent
| Clytemnestra, a phrase which shows
/ how real the Roman courage was. and
/ also suggests the origin Of the American
slang use OF thirty cents" as a mark
OF low value
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
The Ideal Wife.

Now that Chicago has definitely 10
Gated the ideal husband-or, at least. the
model husband. which must be pretty
much the same thing-it is interesting to
learn that a Philadelphia clergyman has
undertaken to discover the ideal wife.
We suspect # would be pleasant TO
know just what sort Of wife an ideal
wife is, or could be, or should be. Every
man who has no wife devoutly hopes he
may have an ideal specimen when he
does acquire one, OF course. Very few
men who have wives are utterly free
from more or less haunting suspicion
that they may not be precisely ideal, in
all human probability.
But what IS an ideal wife anyway? Is
she one who never nags. and never ex-
cessively spends, and never is away from
home at the wrong time. or at home at
the wrong time? Is she one who never
bothers around the business office dur
ing rush hours. or says disagreeabIe
things about your neighbours wife-whom
you think particularly pretty. perhaps
Is she all of these things, or some of
them, or none Of them? We confess we
do not know Tastes are so varied and
so different that the ideal Of one may
he the bette noir of the other; and the
home wherein every prospect pleases to
this eye may be the home Of grotesque
and unenchanting proportions to that
The only variety of wife we can think
OF who might be designated even ap-
proxlmately ideal, we fear. IS the one
who can discover how best and most per-
suasively TO manage her husband anC
adapt herself to his varying moods and
tempers. II she can keep him reasonably
well pleased gasuonomically. soothingly
conscientious Of a mild mental superior
ity and smugly content that his business
judgment is never legltimately the tar
get Of adverse criticism Justly founded
she must. indeed, be very nearly ideal
And this latter thought leads us tc
wonder If. after all. the ideal wife i.
not much more numerous than mere mar
inclines to suspect generally. Doubles.
many a demure and sweetly innocent
wife in this world would smile knowingl,
enough were the suggestion thrown a
her precipitately and without giving he
time to consider It at any coasiderabl,
length.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
THE GIFTED HOMER.

When Homer lived and drew his breath city would
knowledge him. but claimed him when King Death up
behind and doued his gm I've wondered why after
in those eugen vanished days would the good old poet
down. and laugh his handsome bays But lately
quring SOUL while digging ancient tomb dug up yellow,
faded SCROLL which he translated his The writer
bd dust for ages numbered with the dead goes say
I'D like to bust old Homer batnfested head, him all
Of times every time he me come he starts reng
bughouse rhymes that always put the bum He packs
around manuscript and when he bunch of gents he reads
until he has them hipped and feeling much like thirty
Twelve times we've chased him of dozen times he
hustled back and pulled copy from his gown and put all
upon the rack him the courthouse square, he gets me
when milk the the rascal everywhere-and
take the henlock now" WALT MASON
Copyright b George
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
The Heavy Officers Bill.

Unique claims upon the government
promise TO be made by virtue Of the an
nual physical test required Of naval off,
GERS. The order. which sought to es-
tabllsh an annual demonstration OF physi-
cal fitness in the hope OF encouraging
regular exercise on the part Of individ-
Uals set forth three methods by which
en- officer might furnish evidence Of his
ability to perform his professional duties
He could walk. propel a bicycle or ride
a horse, the distance in the three days
allotted for the test being rendered in
the equivalent. presumably on a scientific
basis. although there appears TO be some
difference Of expert opinion now regard
ing the exactness Of these relative condi-
lions
II is interesting 20 know that some
officers, who have been put to unusual
expense in preparing for or IN making
the test now appear as claimants for
reimbursement in the amounts they have
disbursed. One officer. who possesses
weight which makes walking difficult
and bicycle riding perilous, chose the
horse as the means OF satisfying the
official requirement Of agility and endur-
ance He was obliged to patronize a local
livery for the temporary use OF an ami
NAL He was obliged 10 rent a horse Of
size and strength. and his preliminary
rides and the three-day test itself were
only conducted. It is understood. under
many restrictions imposed by the livery
man. At all events. he emerged from
this physical test about so out Of pocket.
Another officer expended about half that
sum in a similar act Of pubic duty
These officers believe they should be re-
Imbursed for the amounts they have ex-
pended. just as they would have refunded
10 them money which they spent in per.
forming public travel under official orders
Il so happens. however, that the officers
who rode or walked in the annual physi-
cal test have not been ordered TO that
demonstration. The adroit officials Of the
Navy Department have simply author
ized" an officer 70 take a physical test
at his convenience" This seems to b
a saving clause and IS a resort 20 dis
eliminating phraseology which does the
naval administration infinite credit as q
contribution to public economy. The cor.
pulent naval officer. therefore. who was
obliged 10 draw upon his personal income
TO perform test upon the results o
which depend his continuance on the &C
tive list. finds that he IS authorized
20 discharge an obligation. and he mus
pay the freight"
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
Agreed with the Court.

From the Dundee Advertiser.
A lawyer came into court drunk, when
the Judge said TO him:
Sir. am sorry to see you in a situa-
ton which is a disgrace to yourself and
family and the profession TO which you
belong"
This reproof elected the following col
loquy:
Did your honor speak to me?r
I did, sir I said. sir, that, in my
opinion, you disgraced yourself and fam
lily, the court. and the profession by your
course of conduct"
May hit please your honor. 1 have
been an attorney in-in-in this c-court
for fifteen years. and. permit me TO say.
your honor. that this is the first correct
opinion l ever knew you to give
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
MYSTERIES OF BIRD LIFE.
From the Chicago Evening Post

From the Chicago Evening Post
The hermit thrushes are feeling the
pinch Of cold and are moving silently
southwark, with the fox sparrows and
the whitethroats keeping them good com
pany They have been preceded by a
great army Of songsters less well equip
ped to stand the hardships OF northern
campaigning under conditions OF frost
and scarcity OF food.
The mystery or the cause OF the migra-
ton has never been explained. It is no
puzzle to understand why birds pressed
by hunger and cold viii seek a land OF
leave It to come back over thousands Of
miles OF land and water. with every rod
OF the way beset with danger? Why do
some hardy species that can live and
grow fat among the snow banks follow.
and at times lead their weaker fellows 10
the mild ATTITUDES? The migration is a
mystery. and it probably will remain one
until man learns better how TO interpret
the ways Of nature.
Il is impossible 10 estimate with any
thing like accuracy the losses to the bird
ranks caused by yielding 70 the impulse
of travel Hundreds of thousands Of the
voyagers perish every spring and fall IN
the journeys 10 and from the nesting
land. We read Of birds that ride the
storm" Those that ride successfully are
few. The sea and lake coasts are strewr
with the bodies Of victims that are over
taken in midnight by the seasons gales.
Great numbers Of birds migrate at night
and when a fog covers their path and
I Ia ebf
| courses are lost 10 them they fly blindly
against the lighthouse panes and against
towers and tall buildings. No species OF
bird is exempt from these night perils
From humming bird to great blue heron
they are done to death IN multitudes.
The dangers are not ali confined 10 thu
night travel Golden-croWned thrushes
kinglets, and veeries kill themselves b.
! scores daily by flying against windows
/ through which the light from some far
/ Their window shines deceivingly. SharI
/ Skinned and Cooper's hawks hang on the
/ TANKS and rear Of the migrating hosts
and strike down the stragglers- Tbs
/ game birds run q gantlet Of shOtguns
! from Hudson Bay 70 the Gulf OF MeXicC
and beyond. TIE wonder grows year by
/ year that so many OF the birds survive L
| come back 10 the April fields.
] Ono species Of plOver makes the yearly
! Journey from Alaska 10 Patagonia Som'
! members OF the warbler family, seem
! ingly the frailest of our birds, travel bl
/ night stages from Canada 10 the interio
| OF Mexico The winter homes Of nearl,
i all OF our birds have been located. bu
no man yet knows the winter resort O
/ the great hosts Of chimney swifts, e.
roneously but generally called chime
| swallows The swifts leave and the
/ come back. and beyond this scienc
knows little or nothing These familia
birds OF summer have held their secre
through the ages and have added thei
own puzzle 10 the general mystery Of III
| migration
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
Again MethuSelah.

Having been moved TO some more or
less pertinent remarks a little while ago
concerning the senselessness of so-called
higher criticism" OF the Bible. we made
specific mention of the late Methuselah,
and noted some recent scientific attempts
to revise his age downward. Attention
was called TO the fact that years were
really months in earlier Biblical times.
in the philosophy OF a certain investi-
gator, and that by a rational reduction
in accordance Herewith the patrl-
arch's age ought TO be set down as hav-
ing been a fraction over eighty, as we
reckon time nowadays, and not 969, as
is duly accredited him in the Holy Writ
BY a parallel process. the extreme lon
gevity alleged in the Bible with respect
to other famous characters suffered sim
liar revision.
Now comes a Virginia correspondent
one who knows his Bible well, moreover
and challenges this iconoclastic maltreat-
ment of Methuselah. and to good pur-
pose. II. he inquiries. this wise man OF
modern times is so sure that the year
OF Methuselah's time was merely the
month OF to-day how happens It that
Enos became the father OF Cainan az
ninety. the which reduced 10 modern fig
ures would be seven and one-haf years?
And that Cainan became the father OF
N1ahalaleel at seventy. or. reduced, n
fraction less than six years? This. of
course. is the reductio ad absurdum. II
knocks downward revision OF Methuselah
galley west. and we are glad OF It.
The real truth OF the matter is, crtit-
cism Of the Bible is dangerously tick
fish business in any circumstances. It
IS best that It be taken. as heretofore
suggested. Just as It is. without one plea.
Our firm faith to believe IS the sheet an
Choir OF our hopes. We tamper with the
very foundations OF our spiritual struc-
ture when we question too critically
where we may not invariably under
stand.
After all, there was something 10 say
even for the old minister upon whom
the very bad boys played the question
able joke Of FASTING two pages Of hi,
Bible together IN such wise that he read
And the rib which the Lord God had
taken from man made He a woman
here turning the two pasted pages and
CONFERENCE.-The breadth Of fifty cubit.
and the height OF thirty cubits" No
mentarily astounded though he may have
been. he questioned IT not. but, lifting hi,
| eyes. remarked to his congregation.
Brethren and sisters. I do not recall
having read this before. but I direct
your attention 10 the fact that It justides
the Word wherein elsewhere It IS writ
There were giants in those days anC
| that some Of US are fearfuIy and won
| derfully made"
/ The happIest people are those who d,
not seek too diligently 20 untangle ever
/ little klnk they encounter IN the Bible
The larger and compelling truths ar
gloriously sufficient unto our severa
! necessities.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
The Crowded Street Car.

Complaints OF overcrowded street cars
during certain hours Of the day appear
to be common to all cities in the United
States. The strap-hanger is everywhere,
and the aching arms and weary feet do
not grow less. The conclusion OF an
omciaI OF Kansas City after a tour OF
comparative investigation. is that when
there IS a business rush, there Is a street
car rush. and If there is no street car
rush it means that there is no business
rush. That IS 10 say. congestion Of
riders makes the busy hours in stree.
cars, as in restaurants and banks. One
trouble seems 10 be that the American
people are impatient. They viii not wait
for an uncrowded car and they will not
walk.
The rule IN Paris that no man can ride
in a filed public vehicle would be wildly
broken in an American city. Thus. a
Kansas City conductor whose car was
full did not halt for more waiting pas
sengers; but when he stopped TO let a
woman alight. an angry crowd pulled the
trolley from the wire and boarded the
car while it was being put back The
average rider seems willing to endure be-
ing squeezed in a packed car, but resents
being left on a corner when eager to go
somewhere. II cars are run at short dis
tances. passengers will crowd the first.
Perhaps that is because they will not be-
lieve that other cars are coming. The
remedy does not appear, and investiga-
lions seem inconclusivc
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
One-sided Cnrs.

Tacoma dispatch in san Francisco Chronicle.
Since the street car company increase
the suburban fares. the conductors on
the Regents Park line have had their
troubles. One rail Of this line lies in the
city. where not more than five cents can
be charged. The other rail lies in the
county. The passengers insist upon rid
ing on the city side for fear that they
may have to pay more II they ride on
the other side. and the cars list like half
loaded SChOoners
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
A LITTLE NONSENSE.


The real thing in Joy rides
Is taken in a hack,
It's wheels bedight with ribbons white
And streamers at its back.
The real thing in Joy rides
Is very nice, very nice.
Your friends enthuse with ancient shoes
And shining grains OF rice.
The real thing in Joy rides
Is truly hard to beat.
Your bonny bride sits by your side
Upon the cushioned seat.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
How Men Get There.

From Tt-Bits
Mamma" said little Elsie. do men
ever get 10 heaven"
"Why, of course, my dear. What makes
you ask?'
Because I never see any pictures OF
angels with whskers.'
We'll" said the mother. thoughtfully
some men do go 10 heaven. but they
get there by a close shave"
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
PoeticnI Rates.

II have here a poem" explained the
proud author, which I should like TO
have you publish at your usual terms"
'All right" said the editor Of the
Plunkville Palladium. Ten cents a line
for one insertion, or we will run 1t thirty
times for S."
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09

discharged the stranger, averring that
his act was that OF real gentleman.
This did not happen in chivalric Charles
ton or gallant Galveston 1t happened
IN Pittsburg. Pa. Wei?
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09

From the Chicago Record Herald.
Il IS reported that the people who accompanied
Col. Roosevelt on his African hunting trip are al
most worn out as a result OF their efforts 20 keep
up with him, Stil, they viii not receive much pity.
They knew before they started what was coming to
them.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
Very Tame.

From the Chicago Record Herald
Did you have any thrilling adven-
lures while you were mountain climbing
in Switzerland"
NO; IL wasn't half as difficult or excit-
ing as crossing one Of Chicago's torn-up
streets"
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09
safety at n Celebration.

The transportation facilities OF New
York city seem TO have earned one white
mark. The surface. elevated. and sub
way lines carried 47.S34103 passengers dur
ing the Hudson-Fulton celebration from
September % to October 2. inclusive. not a
death resulting from accident IN handling
the enormous crowds. The public service
commission kept careful watch upon the
transportation lines during the celebration
and received daily reports on the hand
ling Of the immense traffic. Figures from
these reports have been sent by the COM
mission 70 the HudSon-FultOn committee
During the period mentioned there were
only twenty accidents resulting In injury
10 passengers, OF which seven occurred on
September % seven on September IS I'VE
on September 80. and one on October >.
This Is lower than the average number OF
accidents in ordinary traffic, and. in the
opinion OF the commission, shows the at
tention and care exercised In the provl-
sions made for the safe transportation OF
the people. In the accidents which oc-
CURED there was nothing 10 indicate that
any one Of them was directly connected
with the celebration.
The Washington herald., 1909-11-09

More than a hundred killed in a recent
battle n Nicaragua! Those warriors
down there should be careful If every
body is killed in the present revolution
there will be nobody to XIII in the one
next week