Dakota farmers' leader. (Canton, S.D.) 1890-19??, 1909-05-14
Good
short Stories


rcysnonar once asked the late j.
r uudson whether he should call him
major or general" hudson was d
major In the Civil War and was mace
n brigadier general In the spanish
War, hut in the latter conflict he dld
not get into active service. 'tall he
major" said Hudson In reply 10 'he
question. II was vnccinated for gen
cral.' but it didn't take"
Richard Grant Whit" one" said that
a radical reform in English spelling 49,
first. unnecessary second. undeslraDle'
and third. impossible, thus recalling
the story Of the Old Scottish preacher'
who, upon meeting one of his hearers
after the services. inquired how ne
liked the ernl0n Il dinna like II. no
said. .for three riZZens-irst, We read
st second, We dlnna read it Weel, ana
third. 1t was ma worth eadin
According to the Christian Register,
this is "A report by a young Englls1
%schoolgirl of a lecture on Phases or
Human Lifc-YOuth, Manhood, ana
Age" an youth we look forward to
the wicked things we will do when we
grow up-this is the state Of innocence.
In manhood we do the wicked things
Of which we thought in our youth
this is the prime Of life. In Old age we
are sorry for the wicked things we did
in manhood-this is the time OF our
d~otase."
An old Tennessee darby was arrest
ed, charged with stealing n pig. Inc
evidence was absolutely conclusive, ana
the Judge, who knew the old man well,
said re~proachfully, "Now, Uncle 'Ras-
tus, why did you steal that pig" 3
kase NAH pooh family WIZ starvin',
yo' honnah!" whimpered the old man.
"Famiiy starving!" cried the Judge;
but they tell me you keep five dogs.
How IS that, uncle?' why, yo' hon
nah" said Uncle 'Rastus reprovingly,
you wouldn't 'spect nah family to eat
dem dawgs"
Robert has lately acquired a step
mother. Hoping to win his affection,
this new parent has been very lenient
with him, while his father, feeling his
responsibility, has been unusually
strict. The boys of the neighborhood,
who had taken pains to warn Robert
of the terrible character Of stepmoth-
| ers in general, recently waited on him
In a body. and the following conversa-
ton was overheard: 'IHow do you like
| your stepmOther, Bob?" Like her !
Why, fellers, I Just love her. All I
wish is I had a stepfather, too"
james X. Hackett, the actor, is al
ways ready to assert that there are
many untoward possibilities In his pro-
f~ession. REALLY, the public doesn't
| appreciate the vicissitudes Of an actors
life he said, recently. "Now, there
| was Wisham Brown, who went touring
In South Africa. I met Wisham's
cousin recently, We'll, how is Wish"
| said I. 'WiSh?' said the cousin. why,
| man, Wisham's dead!' 'Dead?' I cried.
| How did he dieY' 'Pelted to death
| With eggs at Capetown,' the cousin an
swered. But eggs don't KILL said I.
He smiled sadly. and murmured,
Ostrich eggs do"
Pat had been delegated by his fellow
employees to tell Mrs. Casey the news
| Of her husbands accidental death. On
the way to the Casey home, Pat pom
dered on how to break the news to the
widow. Finally he hit on what to hin
seemed a most humane way of prepar-
ing Mrs. Casey for the sad news.
Knowing the violent hatred which Mrs.
Casey, a. well as all loyal Irishmen,
have for the A. Z. A., he said on greet
ing the woman "Ah, Mrs. Casey, it
Is bad new l have to bring you. Your
husband, Mike, has turned an A. P. A.
Mike turned A.. p. A! The scoundrel,
I nope ne is dead" Gle is" answered
Fat.