davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24

Cockney Talk.-An Englishman VINO
had grown tired of his tight little isle
came to this country to teach schoo..
One day while, rehearsing class cf
boys in spelling the word saloon was
given out. The first boy missed 1t,
likewise the second and the third. The
fourth boy, spelling it correctly, was
asked to go to the blackboard and
write it so that all could see how II
was spelled. Pointing to the word, the
teacher said:
This is the way you spell it. Easy
isn't it?' Just hess, hay, hell,
two hoes and a hen"
In writing the word the boy had
placed the letters conspicuously far
apart This popularity did not escape
the observing eye of the master and he
asked
''Why did you write it that way
Why didn't you place the hay nearer
the hell?"
Coz Use afraid it would burn up!"
blurted out the irrepressible youngs-
ter, as he dug his hands into his pock-
cts.
The next word missed was "Venice.'
1t was spelled with two ms.
What would you say if I told you
there was but one hen in Venice?'
asked the pedagogue as he surveyed
the class critically above the rim OF
his glasses.
"I should say the price Of eggs
would be pretty high" came the an
swer from the boy who stood at the
foot of the class.-Housekeeper.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Humorous department
A Stylish Marriage.

The Rt. Rev. Bishop of Delaware
tells the following story:
"A young man came to me one day
and said Bishop, want you to mar
ry me on next Wednesday,
"All right, young man; I'll marry
well l want the bell to ring" he
continued.
Very well, you can have the bel
rung."
We'll, want the organ to play"
"All right: you can have the organ
played"
And l want everything else thai
anybody ever had at a church we'd
ding"
Certainly you shall have 1t"
We'll the night came, the bell rang
the organ played, the church was
crowded and everything went on as
the young man wanted it. When the
ceremony was over the young couple
waited instead Of leaving the chancel
So I held out my hand, shook hands
with the bride, and then held out my
hand to the bridegroom. He had his
hand deep in his trousers pocket and
as I stood with my hand out he said
somewhat impatiently and in tone
that could be heard all over the
church,"
Now don't be in such an allied
hurry, Bishop; I'm getting the money
out lust as fast as l can"
And everybody in the church gig
gled."-August Lippincott's.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Selected 2oetrg.
"FEELIN' FINE"


"Feelin' fine," he used t. say.
Come a clear or cloudy day;
Wave his hand an spill smile,
Keepin' sunny all tn while;
Never let no bugbears grim
Git q wrastle-holt on him.
KEEP a smilin,' rain or shine.
Tell you he was "feelin' fine"
"Feelin' fine" he used t. say,
Wave his hand an go his way;
Never had no time to lose,
So he said, in fightin' blues;
Had a twinkle in his eye
Always when a-goin' by,
Sort o. smile up into mine.
Tell me he was "feelin' fine"
"Feelin' fine" he'd allus say,
An tn sunshine seemed t stay
Close by him, or else he shone
With some sunshine Of his own;
Didn't seem no clouds could dim
Any happiness for him,
Allus seemed t have a line
Out for gladness- s-"feelin' fine"
"Feelin' fine I've heerd him say
Half a dozen times a day,
An as many times I knowed
He was bearin' up load;
But he never let no grim
Troubles git much holt on him,
KEEP his spirits jest like wine,
Bubblin' up an "feelin' fine"
"Feelin' fine-"I hope he'll stay
All his threescore thataway;
Lettin' his demeanor be
Sech as you could have, or me
Eff we tried, an went along.
Spillin' little drops o. song,
Lettin' rosebuds sort O. twine
Ger tn thorns- "feelin' fine.'
J. w. FOLEY.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Microbes.

Biologists tell us that, as it Is, en-
tire strata Of rocks on the earth's
surface are largely made up of the
skeletons Of once living forms. Hence
If 1t were not for bacteria, corpses
would soon pile higher than the An
des, and the earth would be choked
with it's own dead. In other words,
bacteria keep life going by remov-
ing the bodies of each generation to
make room for the next. Thus life
here begins with microbes and ends
with them. Therefore, all this shows
how in one way, at least, bacteria
are indispensable, and we ought to
be disinterested enough to admire
their activity in thus working for the
good of posterity, since without
them there would soon be no poster
ity. This reminds one, however, of
the Hibernian who, when told that If
he died for old Ireland he would gain
the applause of posterity, demurred
with the words, Faith, what has
posterity done for me that I should
die for it,
But do bacteria produce only what
this gentleman would term post
mortem benefits for us, or cannot
they furnish us with some ante
tenn ones? l am glad to say that
some varieties of bacteria promise to
increase our food stuffs to an extent
difficult for us now to foretell. But
this statement needs some explana-
ton. In the first place, the chemi-
cal element, nitrogen, is a necessary
ingredient in our food, whether that
be vegetable or animal. Now three
fifths of the atmosphere Is composed
of nitrogen. and hence it may be
imagined that we need not fear this
source of supply giving out.-Every-
body's.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Uneonquerable

The Uneonquerable Foe.-John
Bright once described the variety of
stage fright with which he was famil-
lar with a telling and quotable point.
He was discussing public speaking
with George Dawson, an eminent Eng
lishman of his day, when, according
to a paragraph in the late David Chris
tie Murray's 'Recollections," he said:
Tell me, friend George-you have
I suppose, as large an experience In
public speaking as any man in Eng
land-have you any acquaintance with
the old nervous tremor?"
NO." Dawson replied, "or If l have
1t Is a mere momentary qualm, which
is gone before can realize It"
Now, for my part" said the great
tribune, II have had practice enough,
but 1 have never risen to address an
audience, large or small, without ex-
periencing a shake at the knees and a
sense Of a scientific vacuum behind the
waistcoat"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24

Cruel-The would-be prima donna
paced the floor with nervous emotion.
Julian" she suddenly demanded,
what opera do you think would do
justice to my voice."
And Julian, the manager tugged
at his black cigar and responded sar-
donically:
"Ah, madam, it would be a pleasure
to hear you in the great anvil chorus.
Your voice would make the black
smith scene perfect"
And the connection between my
voice and a blacksmith, sir?"
The heavy rasp in it, madam; the
heavy rasp."
And then Julian escaped from the
greenrOOm just in time to dodge a
gilded chair.-Chicago Daily News.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Wanted a Weenina Whale.=CaI

Wanted a Weeping Whale.-Caps
H. P. Muse Of the Celtic was regaling
a little group Of ladies with sea stories.
"One trip" he said, there was a
woman who bothered the officers and
me to death about whales. Her one
desire was to see a whale. A dozen
times a day she besought us to have
her called If a whale hove in sight.
Il said rather impatiently to her one
afternoon:
but, madam, why are you so anx-
ious about this whale question:"
Captain she answered, I want to
see a whale blubber 1t must be very
impressive to see such an enormous
creature cry.'"-Rochester Herald.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Thinking AIoud.-While trying a

Thinking Aloud.-While trying an
old woman on a charge Of stealing
faggots a judge who had acquired the
habit of thinking aloud unconsciously
exclaimed: why, one faggot is as
like another fasgot as one egg is like
another egg" The counsel defending
the case heard the observation, and
repeated it to the jury, whereupon the
judge cried, stop; it is an interven-
ton of Providence. This was the very
thought that passed through my mind
Gentlemen addressing the jury, ac-
quit the prisoner"-London News.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
Mrs. Howe Dropped to SIana.-Mr

Mrs. Howe Dropped to SIang.-Mrs
Julia Ward Howe's sense Of the ridi.
culous has always been a saving grace
leading her to avoid grandiloquence
On one occasion a lady at Newport
trying to get a fine sentiment out Of
her, said, one moonlit evening on 6
vine hung veranda: Mrs. Howe, Dc
say something lovely about my piaz-
za," Whereupon every one listened
for the reply. In her delicately culti-
waited voice Mrs. Howe responded: "l
think it is bully piaz."-New York
Herald
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24

will you take it?" and handed over the
amount without ado.
The same little ceremony was gone
through at four other pay desks, each
clerk, acting upon instructions, cash.
irg Mr.. IS check for a1,000, max
ing $4,000 in all, or nearly $4,000 in
excess Of the willy customers balance,
And, Of course, when Mr.. - re-
ceived polite note requesting him to
call at the bank he was not to be
found.-Pall Mall Gazette.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24

Noble Women!-'I declare" says
the new acquaintance, shaking out
her skirts and settling down for a
good gossip on the front piazza of
the summer hotel. You simply can
not trust the men! I've never seen a
man / would put any confidence in.
They all drink, and flirt, and carry
on awfully. Why, 1 knew a.
You must live in rather a bad
neighborhood at home" says the
other lady slowly. And the chat is
ended.-Chicago Post.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
8 E@6@6S@A6F@E@@6@U U
THROW OUT THE Line
Give the Kidneys Help and Many
YorkviIls People Will Be Happier.


YorkviIIs People Will Be Happier.
Throw Out the Life Line
The kidneys need help.
They're overworked-can't get the
poison filtered out Of the blood.
They're getting worse every minute
Will you help them?
Doan's Kidney Pills have brought
thousands Of kidney sufferers back
from the verge Of despair.
Will cure any form Of kidney trou-
BILE.
Mrs. Mary Sexton, 100 Hinton ST.,
Chester, S. c., says: For some time
I suffered from a dull ache across my
kidneys. occasionally had dizzy
spells and at such times was very r1-
steady upon my feet. was finally
told that my kindeys were disordered
and were the cause Of all my suffer-
ing. Learning Of Doan's Kidney Pills.
procured box and began their use
have been feeling much better since
and / know that ! have found rem
edy that can be depended upon to
bring relief. I will always be glad to
give Doan's Kidney Pills my endorses
ment"
For sale by all dealers. Price 90
cents. Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name-DoAN's--and
take no other. -
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24

s8' Where ignorance is bliss tits fol-
ly to be married.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24
j. J. KELLER Il co.

SEND YOUR ORDERS FOR
ALL KINDS OF JOB PRINT
ING TO THE ENQUIRER
BEST WORK AND THE
FAIREST PRICES.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-08-24


peaceable basis, but his partner would
not consent. After puZzling himself
for some time in regard to the best
way out of the business a brilliant
thought struck Roy. He proceeded to
file suit in his own court against his
partner for a dissolution of the part
nership and one-half the hogs-owned
by them. The case was docketed and
duly came to trial. Roy presided and
also testified in his own behalf. After
the testimony was all in he again as
cended the whisky barrel, from which
he rendered his decisions, and gave a
| finding in this case. His verdict was
for the plaiatiff, who was himself, and
must imme 1iately turn over one-half
of the hogs to plaintiff, and that the
defendant must also pay all of the
costs in the case, and in lieu of money
the remainder of the hogs must be
turned over to plaintiff.
A few weeks ago a Chinaman, en-
ployed in the railroad eating house at
Langtry, became involved in a quar-
rel with a cowboy Of that section and
the latter filled the Celestial full of
| lead. The cowboy was arrested and
taken before Roy for preliminary ex-
animation. number of witnesses to
the killing testified as to the guilt Of
the prisoner. and when placed upon
the stand the cowboy admitted having
| committed the deed. During the prog
ress Of the trial Roy busted himself
examining the contents of the statute
book" There was a puzzled express
sion on his face when the state and
defense rested and had completed
their arguments before the court.
Strengthening himself up and with the
single law book that he possesses ly-
ing open before him. Roy announced
his verdict as follows:
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-04
CAMPE0NATO De CuENT0S.

"a Correspondence" ama que hay PuroRco ngenios caps
de producer han producdo beas obsss eas odos h
generos.
Fandose nero especamen denominado en- Ia literature cas-
eana cuento a Coesponen desea poba peden pcdus
gran a Al bjeto decdo medic
de meas ab ampeonato cenos @ decda cuas
por puertorrqueho
LA Correspondence orece una pna oro
peonao esabece, para evar adante mmo las bases:
que rentdos La Coepondena para tomas
parte deben neo ecs esta fras
"Para d camponeto de LA Correspondence" !
Los autos nonaofea
an pubhcados Pero aqueos hace pdbhco
No advran ndcando pseudono que ean para pubcdad
per6dico debe de todos modo nombe del autor
So E. campeonato dede e 10 de Julio de v
y eminara e 10 de Julio de 1910 I
4oLos dben de 2000 pala exeoa
puedn por pueoqueho RESIDENCES a fuea de a
5oun misno puede enyiar ueatos ~
talde que pasen de cuatro. 4
eoE 10 de Abr, de 1850 LA Correspondence ab plebsci
pa! e de msto canpeona LA corspos
Aenca pubhcara Is d de anopan fscha aa Dc
sente usd aseaar e los essn E ye;so eosz en-
cda redcs k sns nota d.
eion urado E voeSn dctermna que e
candidates Correspondence esignA
os nmero voos haan obendo esos
Corespondenca Puerto urado bra el II
de Julio de 1910 de cuenos hayan concurdo
10 de Agosto de 1910 dho veledcto La lo-
respondenca puma de auto vena en- Ia COM
tienda
entendo estabece por a Correspondence de P1er-
Rico que trun.ane por ella considerable deenddo
como primer cuensta puerorquho sendo de advx que ESQ
:uloy primer consvado hasa ante
que de satisfaction de La Copondenc'a
n autoT mas afortunado yenga aebatare Ia supreIaa
todos los remitdos Ea pub
ca6n ha-a ndcando e ordn coeponda cadA
norb peudonmo del Es entenddo cua
nua crcunsanca LA Corspondenca condera agdn cno ln@
Hgno de Ia pubcdad a de ca dc buena f del auto
da1o derecho pubco conserkdole ers
del
&c. Los pubicados dao los ulos En
patio Juan BasM No L. "Los dos bazos Juan Rios
Sepa No. 80 de Mayo 1903 En usa ecompensa por uho
Rodriguez No. "a de Abr ola ocura del tempo Juan
Rios Serpa No AZ de Mayo dc 1908
.El Legado", por corazon leal No 5, Mayo de 1909
stioada" O,info M 5oI
1Pobre Loca p Antonio Rodriguez No T. de Julio de 1909
serdn conderados
chos denro de los condolences toos los
GoSicndo de los objcto de ola Corrcspondea nua
solo geneo terario
plendda natuaza Dos pugo aa daro
los autores que clio condco
maginavos la todos
los aspccto que ella pucde ofIecer.
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-04
| information de Ia
UniycTsilad
Ejemplo que siguen los
lumnos de primer gra
do en- 10 que Sc refiere al
idioma ing]es.
Mas de 1000 pulgadas de aqua
caida en NOviembra.

Departments Normo1.- Los Ii
bros de Ia biblioteca estan siendo
c,asitloados Y Sc trabaia activamenz
te en- Ia formation del catalogo. D.
este modo los estudiantes podraa
usar la blblioteca con mas provecho
Los alumnos de los grades pri-
manos de la Escuela Practica estan
trabajando Ell ell jardin.
En- Ia reunion celebrada por los
alumnos de la clase del primer ano
el microbes por la tarde, presento
su renuncia como Presidente de II
clase el joven Poncio Buso. Fue ele-
gida en- su lugar la Stra. Rosario
Salgado, de San Juan.
Los alumnos del primer a1o.
reconoclendo Ia oportunidad que
tlenen para perfecclonar en- el lido
ma ingles mientras duren sus est
dos en- la Normal, han seguido
ejemplo de los alumnos del segundo
y cuarto afo. y han tornado ell acuei
do de que en- las reuniones de la cia-
Sc Sc liable siemprc ell inglts, 10 mis-
mo que en- el campo y en- la Unlver
sidad.
Departamento de agricultura.-
Han sido recibidas las plantas encaf
gadas a Nueva York en- la prima&
ra. Entire elias Sc encuentran. uv
de diferentes clases, frambuesas, N
ras, fresas, etc.
Ell Senor Gromer, president
del comite Gle agriculture Gle la Jun
ia de sindicos de la Universidad
paso el dia del martes en- Ia granja
aglricola.
Las excavaciones para los cl=
mientos del nuevo edificlo de la lc
cherla estan casi terminadas.
-Segtn los datoS metereologlcos
recogidos en- la oficina del departa
mento de agriculture, durante q
mes de noviembre ha caido - 90
pulgadas de aqua, V durante veiui
V un dias del mes ha caldo m4s {.
OIL de lluvia.
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-04
Manuel Ruiz Herman
dez indu||adO
CumpIia condena en- In escuela
correcc iOnal de Mayaguez.

Fl Gobernador Cotton indultd
el iueves al coniinado Manuel Ruiz
Hernandez quicn, por ordcn de Ia
Corte de distrito de Mayagnez, Sc
hallaba recluido en- la esoueia corree-
eional de dicha ciudad, por el delito
de hurto de menor cuantia.
La solicitud dc indulto vino favo-
riblemente recomendada por el di-
r etor dc la EscueIa Correctional
Y el m6dico visitante de dicha ns-
t lai6n quien certitica que diohe
con!lnado SURE de un tunor inoPe-
rable Y de resuitado fatal para el
pacicnte.
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-04
DepaItamento del Interior
Sc subastaran mas de 3. 600
cuerdas de tprrenOS cerca d.
la bahia de ianica."

En- ell Departamento del Int
rior Sc esta estudiando un proyecto
para el saneamiento y relleno de los
manglares en- la bahia de San Juan.
Ell Comisionado del Interior Ii
aprohado los pianos sometidos POI
Ia San Juan Light & Transit Co.
para la construction de la doble via,
secci6n comprendida desde Ia Para
da hasta Ia parada 10.
Sc estdn preparando los anun-
clos para cl arrendamlcnto en- SUI
basta de cinco parcclas dc terrenos
piblicos en- q Municipio de Yauco
nero dc cuerdas que sc subastara as
ciende i 3,2i7.
La correspondencia de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 1890-1943, 1909-12-04
GANGA u

Sc vende per mitad dc Pre-.
cio Is 335.0Ui IN Auto-piano
eli perfecto cstado. Luto en- la
iamilia es la causa desn vcnta.
Sc daran lnfo.mcs eli csta Ad-
ministraci0n.
The Mankato free press., 1909-01-22
Pay OF President Is$100,000 Per
Annum; Others on Roll.
VICE PRESIDENT GETS RAISE
Speaker Cannon and the Members Of
Federal Supreme Court Also Given
Increased Compensation.

Washington. Jan. 20.--The salary
of the president of the United States
was fixed at 100000 per annum, so
far as the senate could fix it, and
salaries of the vice president and the
speaker of the house of representa-
tives at $4,000 each.
The salary of the chief justice of
the supreme court of the United
States was increased from $4,000 to
$4,000 per annum, and those of assO-
ciate justices from $12,500 to 4,500.
These changes were made as amend
ments to the legislative, executive and
judicial appropriation bill and after
an extended debate, amendments al
lowing $4,000 to the vice president
and speaker of the house for horses
and carriages were stricken from the
bill
Senator Rayner's resolution calling
on the attorney general for infOrma-
tion concerning the suit he proposes
bringing against certain newspapers
en- the charge of libel in connection
with statements made in relation to
the purchase by the United States of
the Panama canal property was re-
ferred to the committee on the Judi
ciary after strong fight to have it
adopted without such reference.
Various pension bills were passed
and the senate adjourned.
The Mankato free press., 1909-01-22
DEATH Due To APOPLEXY
SUDDEN PASSING OF ADOLPH
HENNiNG THIS AFTERNOON.
The Deceased Was Stricken at 1890,
mmediateiy After Eating His
Noon Day Meal.

Adolph Henning died at st. Joseph's
hospital at 1890 o'clock this afternoon
from Il stroke of apopleXy, which he
sustained directly after eating his din
ner Last November he sustained a
stroke, and for month past was
confined to the hospital and was prac-
tically helpless.
The deceased was born in Germany
and was about sixty years of age.
When a young man he came to Amer
lea, and was engaged in mechanical
occupations, being an industrious man
and good citizen. He made MankatO
his home for many years, but lived
at Sioux City recently, returning to
Mankato in September. His wife died
several years ago, but he is survives
by three sons and one daughter, Will
lam Henning and Adolph Holman,
adopted son of Mr.. and Mrs. II. S.
Holman, both of Mankato, and Eddie
Henning, who resides in the east, and
Miss Mary Henning, who lives at Val
ley City, n. ID. He was living in
South Dakota when his wife died, and
it was then that he moved to Man
katO.
The Mankato free press., 1909-01-22
ELIOT AS HONOR GUEST
HARvARD'S RETIRING PRES
DENT TO BE RANoUErED.
Boston Club Is to Tender Reception
to One of America Foremost
Scholars and Educators.
rspecIaI to The Free press.l

Boston, Jan. 20.-President Eliot
Of Harvard, who will soon retire as
the head of the nations greatest edu-
cational institution, will be the guest
If honor at a banquet to be held to-
night by the Harvard club of Boston.
Among the distinguished speakers wno
will pay tribute to DIR. Eliot are Ellhu
Root, Eben S. Draper, gvernor OF Mas
sachuetts; the Right Rev. William
Lawrence, II, bishop of Massachusetts,
and President Faunce of Brown Uni
versity.
President Eliot has completed ar
rangements for his coming tour and
will leave Cambridge on February 1
for two months trip through the
south and southwest in the interest
of the university On February 8, he
will attend a dinner of the Harvard
club of Buffalo, and will 90 thence
to Chicago, where he is to speak be-
fore the Religions Education associa-
tion on ''The Ethics of Industrialism." f"
He then will 90 to Minneapolis and
st. Paul, visiting the University of
Minnesota and Hamline University.
From there he will 90 to Dallas by
way of Nashville and Memphis. In
Texas he will visit the Agricultural
and Mechanical college and the uni
versity of Texas. San Antonio, Gal
weston, Houston and New Orleans are
included in the itinerary.
On March President Eliot will
visit the Louisiana State University
at Baton Rouge and the following day
h" will deliver. the founders day ad-
dress at Tulane University. The UNI
versities of Alabama and Georgia will
be visited, and on the way home lie
president will speak at Washington,
Baltimore, and Morristown, n. j. He
should reach Cambridge on April 3.
The trip has been organized by the
Harvard Alumni association.