davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-08-21

open up in the old way of the returned
vacationer.
Gee gosh, old hawss, they'd say to
Biffkins, but y'ought to've seen the time
l had while 1 was away! Ummmm. ma
AM Never had SO much fun in NAH life!
SAY, i never got to bed once before 3 in
the morning, and then j hated to hit the
shucks for fear that / was going to over
look a bet Something transpiring at
every single, solitary moment of the day
and night. And say, party. / happened
to land in a hotel where there were eX-
actIy 1877 dolls and only four he-ginks,
and, sa-ay, young feller."- and SO on
and SO on.
Yep. they sure told Biffkins all about it.
Il understand it's been ferociously hot
here in Washington while I've been
away, another of em would say TO Bff
kins, corralling him near the pie counter
during the lunch hour. We'll. I'm sorry.
sorry, really. Die suffer much from the
heat? You look kind o tuckered out and
hollow under the eyes and all like that.
Bet you just roasted. eh? Too bad, too
bad. l thought about you when l read in
the papers that Washington was steaming.
] slept under four heavy quilts every
night and even then L like to froze to
death. Yep, four quilts-count 'em, four
every blessed night. And you were just
baking around here in Wash'nun, hey?
Oh, too bad, honest Injun. Well, sir, the
time that l had and so on some more.
Evening star., 1909-08-21

There are few men in the world today
capable of composing that kind OF music,
and the few capable of composing it are
not doing 1t.
Then why should not that beautiful
raft OF old-time comic opera music, which
itself insn't particle old-fashioned.
which is just mellow and ripping
and effective now as it ever was. and
which the present generation knows alb
solutely nothing about-why. shouldn't t
that music. by any old kind Of an ar
rangernent with the proprietors of the
old scores or with the heirs or assigns of
the composers. be openly and frankly fit
ted to playable stage material that
wouldn't have any suggestion of a musty.
old-fashioned flavor about it. but would
be right up. pace for pace, with the
worlds present view of the world, the
flesh and the devil?
Occasionally some extravaganza COM
poser Of today reaches back a SLY hand
and swipes strain here and a motif
there and a hunk Of a tune in the other
place from some of the ,old-time comic
operas, and we old fogies are able to
detect the "reminiscences Of the grabbed
air, and. after a bit of mental barking
back. fasten the plagiarism upon the
modern composer; but the younger folks
In the audience take the swiped bit as
dead-new stuff and enthrse over 1t as
being the very finest gem in the produc-
ton.
Evening star., 1909-08-21

again. Sad--vairy sadowsky. And you all
told me all about where you went and
what you did and what you said and
what she said then and all like that-a-
way, what? Uh-huh. Well. you won t
be telling me any more of that junk for
mother 'leven months now, will you?
Nope, you will NOT.
We'll. now I'm on me way for me
months leave, and l wouldn't be sur
prised IL took sick leave, too, and made
1t two months. Fact Is l think / will.
Two pat, long, solid-Muldoon months.
And, say, you gufferinos. you know what
the weather is in lii OF Wash'nun from
about this time on to the end Of sum-
mer? Sure you do. The weather from
now on is going to be sumpin fierce. Al
ways is here at this season. and for a
month afterward. Air dead as deceased
mackerel, furnace heat, burnt-up vegeta-
ton. all hands dog-weary of summer,
heels sinking into the asphalt, tossy.
sleepless nights, and all that; and no
chance to beat it out Of town till next
year because you've all gnawed up your
annual leaves down to the final moment
thereof
Distressing, really-pawsitively stress
ing.
We'll, s'iong. you poor. pitiabie giugs.
I'm just a-going to sort o ramble round,
y'know. Little whack at the mountains.
then walIop at the seashore-this is the
and then trOt around on the lakes, with
a week or so up and down the main
white-lights line in N'Yawk, and that sort
Evening star., 1909-08-21

Me. then, TO try to square myself for
these few heated remarks TO which I
had given utterance at the register
that morning.
They tell me- | said Ia her. that I
have an unfortunate habit. especially
after I've heen-er-working pretty
hard of talking in my sleep OCCASION
ally. Did YOU hear anything this morn
ingr'
oh, every word you said she re-
piled. graciously. and ii was very
amusing the mistake / made. You see.
the gentleman who occupied that room
before you-I didn't know he had moved
till mamma told me few minutes ago
had the delirium tremens most of the
time and so, when heard yeu talking
up the register this morning, thought
II was he, and. of course. paid no at
tention.'
I'D give a heap, in promissory notes.
right now to remember-or not to have
to remember-just exactly the things
I said up that register" concluded the
young man who has to work nights.
Evening star., 1909-08-21
"RUBBING-I G-IT-IN

folks plumb crazy: all those, that Is to
say, who don't cash In from sunstroke.
The Washingtonian, although bit ca
loric in the region of the collar band over
all this stuff. didn't say anything to the
Philadelphian about the equatorial heat
of Philadelphia during considerable
part of the summer. He'd suffered from
the utter heat willis in Philadelphia time
and again, at that, but he didn't feel 1t
necessary to gnaw on that topic
washington man, you say? said a
man from New Orleans-get that. New
Orleans-a bit later on. We'll. sub, All
baa1 it's sho' hot in Washington in the
summah time.
The Washingtonian had stood on Canal
street in New Orleans on July days when
it had seemed to him as if Gehenna could
only be about four feet beneath the pave
ment. But what was the use? lie didn
pull that memory on the New Orleans
man. Nevertheless, his brow was getting
quite few fevered over the perpetual
iteration of the Washington summer heat
thing. and he was gradually making up
his mind that il the game didn't stop he
sure have to loosen up with some obser-
yations sooner or later.
The loosening up happened sooner than
Evening star., 1909-08-21

The impression appears TO prevail
throughout all North America that Wash
jngton, In the matter of summer neat.
has Manila, Aden, Guayaquil Yuma ana
mid -konso settlements looking. by COM
parison. like icebound grub-caches on the
far Won side of the Arctic circle. Every
body whom the Washingtonian meets up
with when he drills away from Washing
ton seems TO entertain the idea that the
torridity of Washington makes the fur-
naca Of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS give out q ny
comparison frigidity like that OF an ar
tificial ice-making plant that has It's doors
accidentally left open.
A washington man down here tolerated
this stuff as long as he could from tne
time of his arrival, early last week Ihen
he hoped the reservation with poio
in his teeth. so 10 speak
"Oh you're from Washington. hey
said Il New York man whom he met at
his hotel Sizzling little burg. eh?'
The Washington man good-humorediS
murmured that II wasn't so little. nor
had il been 50 sizzling when he'd left
there a day or so before
We'll I've never been there, said the
New Yorker but they tell me that she
sure do bake and burn in the summer
time"
They saw or "They tell me'-these are
the usual phrases of the folks who get
these nutters out of their systems ABOUT
Washington's summer heat And most
OF 'em acknowledge that they We never
been in Washington either in summer or
at any other season. the "asnihs-
tonian Didn't take the trouble TO ask the
New Yorker il New York ever by any
chance happe ned to bake and burn during
the summer months. He knew very well
that 1t did both. But he came down here
10 get away from the necessity to talk,
and 50 he let il go at that.
''You'r re a Washington man, amt you?
said the Galveston chap TO the Washing
tonian A little while later. We'll don
blame you for beating IT away from that
mans town. They tell me it's sumpin'
fee e-rociouS there in the summer time.
About twenty years ago this Washing
Ton man had spent a week or so In Cal
weston in August. The temperature dur
ing that week had reminded him OF what
he'd read about the Black Hole of Cal
cutta. But he was too tired TO tell the
t:dlyestonan that. Instead. he said. "Oh,
! dunno" kind o weary like, and let the
matter slide.
Hear You're from Washington" said
a while later an Omaha man to whom
he was introduced on the boardwalk.
Heat there dun druv you out a-lopin',
hcy2
The washinstonian had been in Omaha
too in the summer time He didn't say
anything about il. however, to the Omaha
man: didn't mention a word about how
the prairie heat blasts sweeping through
Omaha had forced him to spend most OF
the time OF his Omaha visit lying in his
hotel bath tub. which he kept filled to the
brim with turbid water from the Big
Muddy.
You're Il Washington man, I under
stand" a Philadelphian said TO him next
Guess the entire population of Washing
ton has TO beat il away from there as
early as the first OF June eh? I've never
been there. but they tell me that the
Washington heat strikes in and drives
Evening star., 1909-08-21
THE ATHLETIC PHONE OPERATOR AND THE NIGHT woR

bump-bump. for a straight ten minutes.
while | kept my face at the register and
tried to attract the attention OF the
bumper. But he never heard me. When
the humping was all over and was about
to crawl back to bed. with the hope of
falling to dreaming again of that poker
winning. a creaking, of a siX-mule
army wagon passing over a hard. snowy
road. set III from the room above. and
that lasted fifteen minutes. l recognized
the sound. 1t was a weight-pulling ma
chine being busy. | banged at the wall.
but that wasn't any good, either. So
gave it up and SUNK back to bed. Pres
entity the creaking ceased and was slic-
ceeded by lot of walking about | am
bound to state. in fairness, that the foot
falls of the occupant of the room above
weren't so very heavy, and before they
ceased II fallen to sleep again
When. at ) o'clock that afternoon. |
went downstairs to breakfast-dinner, my
first meal in the house. my landlady met
me in the hall aud asked me how Id
slept. All right, l told her, with the ex-
Evening star., 1909-08-21

that the crown boasts little OF a strong
force to check uprisings.
Nor can the Latin temperament learn by
defeat. Gen. Weyler, cause of the mis-
fortunes of the nation decade ago, is
still being kept in his place Of power.
But the weakness of the government is
not the only evidence of the Latin tenn
permanent in the whole unfortunate busi-
ness.
The wild excitability OF the populace
the inability to weigh actions and their
consequences is shown in the series of
riots that have taken place. There are
various groups-the separationists. the
socialists. the anarchists are all aiding in
the tumult. None OF the groups have any
special propaganda that would lead to
the general and permanent benefit Of the
nation. All are string trouble without
ann or purpose in Difference to the frenzy
that comes with the blood
until some one learns how to refine the
fnicrobe OF hysteria from the blood Of
Inc people. Spain will continue to be =
hotbed of trouble and a menace TO tha
world s peace and its own prosperity
Evening star., 1909-08-21

told me that the one thing she could and
would guarantee. next to the unimpeach-
able excellence of her table, was the al
most weird silence of her establishment
during the daylight hours.
1T was 6 o'clock the first morning at
my new boarding house when I pulled
down the shades and rolled in In less
than two minutes l was dreaming that
] had won $500 in poker game on a
pair of SKIES.
.'All of sudden, however. my dream
switched. was a gunners s mate in the
American navy, and we were Ia the
middle of a fight with the Japs of Ma
Mia. l had just been hit on the wish
bone by a torpedo that had seen com
ing and that looked bigger than a Zep-
pelfn ba1foon-when ] found myself sit
ting up in bed.
During the first few minutes of sudden
consciousness formed several quaint
theories. The first was that the man oc-
cupying the room above me had Suddenly
Evening star., 1909-08-21

gone insane and was engaged in beating
his wife and children to death with slap
sticks or something. Next l concluded
that perhaps the occupant of the room
was deaf and dumb man having an
epileptic fit.
The slap -thump-bif hang noise contin-
ued, and as ] grew wide awake I recog-
n1zed the sound. IT was punching bag
being punched. and at the gruesome hour.
as | saw by the clock. of in the morning.
We'll when | became sure that il was
a punching bag my hostility pulled me
right out of bed. l slid over to the hot
air register and began to say things right
out loud into the register. l called up to
the occupant of the room above me that
If he had to do his training at 8 o'clock
in the morning, Bladensburg or Anacostia
for his.
But nix. No use The bag punching
ceased after bit. and then the floor
humping began. 1t sounded like eight
deep-water, heavy-weather sailors in a
-ater-front dive beating each other TO
death. Bumpity bump-bump. bumpity-
Evening star., 1909-08-21

ea,,tion Of few false breaks at the bar
rier. ;, ,.,Y ors
IT would have been all right ! said
IN the ,andiady, if you had told me that
Jim Jeffries and Jack johnson We're doing
their training in the room above mlne'
bIlt. not knowing anything about that,
vou see. 81 was some startled when they
began to beat their sparring partners 10
death at o'clock this morning. After.
however they had both sent their boxing
mates TO the mat for the full count 1t
was all right: and / slept like deckhand
on a lumber schooner.
For a minute the landlady looked at
me in puzzled sort of way and then
she broke into a laugh
oh / shall have TO have those two
celebrated personages do their morning
training elsewhere in the future she re-
piled pleasantly. / quite forgot to notify
ihem that there was a night-working oc-
rlIpant in the room below them. l am
sure they will be agreeable to change
Of training quarters IL / put 1t to them in
"A nice way.
THAT, l thought, was taking the wind
Evening star., 1909-08-21

right on the asphalt. Great little plan;
saves fuel. enables the folks of the neigh
borhood to get together for social inter
course, and all like that. Then we always
have plenty of hot water in Washington
too. The Potomac river, you know is
always at boiling heat this time of the
year, and so kitchen fires don't have to
be lighted to get hot water. All we DO
Is to turn on the cold water spigot and
the boiling, steaming water gushes forth.
Then, too, in Washington, all of the troll
ley cars are heated virtually by the d-
rect rays of the Washington summer sun
'They catch the suns rays with mirrors.
you see, and feed the rays to the dyna-
mos. and there you are. The overplus of
power thus generated is used raising and
lowering elevators, and SO on. Then, too,
the heat of the Washington sun cleans the
public buildings down there. What, you
didn't know that2 why, sure. Y'see, the
suns rays are SO powerful that they re-
duce the stone of the buildings to molten
masses. and these boiling, bubbling piles
or stone. in the process of cooling when
the sun goes down, throw off the outside
caking of dirt, and there YOU are-build-
inss renewed, clean as q new pin, every
summer. Oh, there are loads and loads
Evening star., 1909-08-21

out of my sails bit, and | didn't quite
understand her. either. Three minutes
later. however. j didn't understand any
thing. The landlady was introducing me
to her daughter. my vis-a-vis at the
table.
Peach? Well. she was the hull thing
for feminine pulchritudinosity. multiplied
by sixteen, that landlady's daughter, and
there was lurking laugh at the corners
of her mouth when her mother presented
me to her.
Which do / resemble more she asked
me after we'd got on fair conversational
terms, "Jeffries or Johnson?"'
Then the great white light burst
upon me.
You see.' she went on. pretending
not to notice my confusion. I'm a tele-
phone girl on the day shift. and / have
no other time to-er-er-Swabode
you savvy Swabode?- Except in the
morning. But mamma Is going to
change my room today and il will b,
all right I'll Swabode hereafter up at
the top Of the house
Evening star., 1909-08-21

of compensations in Washington for the
summer heat that prevails down there.
Great for the human frame, too. especially
in cases of bone affections The sun melts
all the bones in folks bodies in the course
of the Washington summer, you see. and
by the time fall begins they've rugged
themselves out with an entirely new set
of bones. Grows hair, too, the Washing
ton sun. Never heard of that, you say !?
Why. cert'nly. If you went to Washing
ton now you'd see thousands of bald
headed men from all over the country
standing and squatting in the unshaded
parks, letting the sun beat down on their
heads, and you can fairly see the hair
grow on their polls, too. Some of these
men, who are a bit on the commercial
side, grow three or four long suites of hair
a summer, and sell the spare sun-grown
hair at good figures, to be used in the
making of women's rats, puffs, and so on.
Then, too
But the man from Phoenix. having
reached the conclusion that the Washing
ton man was suffering from a case of
tertiary mania potu, was beating it
down the Appian way of the sea as fast
as he could.
The wum will toin, and there are a
Evening star., 1909-08-21
ROCESS" AT ATLANTIC CITY @rd%AkR=@z

he anticipated it would. The next man
to try to put one over about the Wash
ington summer heat was from no less a
place than Phoenix, Ariz. That was the
last straw.
DID I understand you to say that you
were from the city of Washington" said
the citizen from Phoenix. well. then,
it's no wonder you're down here getting
yourself swept by ocean breeZes, for they
sure do say that the heat in Washington
is enough to drive folks loco"
The sheer, undiluted, concentrated gall
of this-a man from arid. parched Ari-
zona taking the usual wallop out of the
Washington summer climate-came nigh
to putting the Washington man to the
mat for the full count But he recov-
cred quickly. and then he cleared his
thorax and uncoiled few
Yep It's bit warnish in Washington
this time o. the year. he said TO the
Arizona one. Just a leetle warmish.
Still, the heat there has its compensa-
tions. Ferinstance, it enables the folks
living in a neighborhood. and friends of
each other, to conduct cooperative open
air kitchens. Buy eating supplies in COM
mon. you know, and cook all of their grub
Evening star., 1909-08-21

OF his feiloW-clerkS about soihs away
anywhere for a summer Vaycaysne.
lie watched 'em all start OFT on their
summer jaunts- and he watched EN- all
return But he didn't say anything.
Eefore they started they bade him
goodbye and sort o. patroniZed him and
Eloated over him.
..Muh for the big boardwalk, one OF
the departers would say to him. shaking
his mitt. where the dolls live and grow
and the bronze Boadicea hair flies TO the
piping breeze undertakings. Well.
slong neighbor Hope you don't SIM
mer down to small kettle o suet from
the heat while I'm away Wear cab
bage leaf in your hat on your way TO
and from the office. hear? Then maybe
Evening star., 1909-08-21

THE Basis of the Present
/ Turbulent Upheavai in
Spain Is the National Tenn
perament-That Stability and
Practicability Which Has
Been Carrying Northern Ma
tions Like England, Germany
and the United States Stead
lily Forward Is Lacking in
the Spanish Equipment
From Having Once Been the
Worlds Greatest Power the
Castilians Have Been Com
ing Down the Scale Till To-
day They Are Weak and
Unable to Maintain Peace at
Home.
Evening star., 1909-08-21
- zl.E'lZ1EEiiwistalR- R-In

whole lot of wandering Washingtonians
who are wums when 1t comes to this
continuous performance harping by uit-
Ianders who don't know on the subject of
the exaggerated and overworked District
of Columbia torridity.
TT isn't any easy thing to put one over
i on these dead-wise Boardwalk news
boys As a matter of fact. you're per-
petually wondering where they contrive
to pick up their stuff
You've heard that patter of theirs while
they're selling papers from all over the
country.
IF your town is on the map they put
1t, I've got a paper from there and
then they drift into recital of their
wares-a purely supposititious recital. for
they mention Oshkosh. Kalamazoo, Mus
catine, Hog Wallow, Painted Post and a
lot of other tank towns of that sort from
which, of course, they have no papers.
The other day a cut-up of the Board
walk, thinking TO have a little gayety
Evening star., 1909-08-21

stlll sloShing around IN the oack VI ihs
back-number bean.
For example, I've got it doped out that,
after all these years OF silly, vacuous, un-
musical, inconsequentiai. tomnfyrotty al
leged musical shows, folks are hungry
for sure-enough comic opera.
Now. wait a minute. I'm not going tc
make the suggestion, which Is a bro
midiom that it would be a corking fine
thing for some managerial fellow with a
long head to take and produce the old
time comic operas. l knew you'd think
meant that But l don't. None what
ever. You wait till | get through, won't
you?
Evening star., 1909-08-21
CIaire's Engagements.

TN recent discussion of illiteracy, Will
: liam ii. Maxwell, the extremely sue
cessful superintendent of New York IS
public schools. quoted an amusing letter
This letter. sent to one of Supt Max
wells Brooklyn teachers. ran:
Friend teacher. 1 do not disire for
Claire Shall ingage in Grammer as pre-
fer her ingageing in yusefuI Studies, as
j can learn her how to speke and write
correctly myself. / have went through
two grammers and they done no good.
PREFER her ingageing in French and
drawing and vokal music on the pianna.'
Evening star., 1909-08-21

queen regent found il difficult to main
tain her position without their support.
Then followed long civil war In which
Don Carlos pfetensions We're disposed of,
but the despotic 1earnings OF the queen
were so at variance with the democratic
views of the party which supported her
that Spain was plunged into period of
turbulence, pronunGiamentos and civil re-
volts which eliminated with Prm and
Serrano'S successful revolution Of 1865,
and the fight of Isabel to Frances
Then followed the period described
above, in which Spain tried a variety
of forms of government Alfonso XII
who was restored to the throne at the
end of it all. was the only son of Isabel.
new modern constitution was adopted,
and still remains IN use, for the most
part. The years which have passed since
then have been comparatively tranquil.
Alfonso XII died at the age Of twenty
eight, and his widow, Maria Christina of
Austria. became regent until her son, the
present king. reached his majority.
In all these various upheavals a little
more stability. little better poise a
little courage at the critical times, would
have seen the country through the period
Of unrest. But this has ever been lack
ing The balance wheel has been curl
ously omitted from the makeup of those
who controlled Spanish destinies.
Thus the war with the United States
over the problems arising from the Cuban
question was the most foolish thing that
could have happened for the welfare of
Spain.
Liberal leaders in Spain advised against
the course pursued by Weyier III Cuba in
herding the Cubans into the reconcentra-
do camps in the midst of the most terrible
sufferings, but Spanish pride and OBJ
stinacy held TO its course.
When the war came the world quickly
found out that Spain already reduced in
power, had really been weaker than was
known, had to some extent been masque-
radipg under the false reputation of past
exploits.
The war was terrible blow. to Spanish
prestige. 1t took away what little reputa-
tion had remained, it cost men and money,
and worse still. il told the ever restive
Moors and republican party in Spain
Evening star., 1909-08-21

the man Who has 10 WOrK HlSHtS
There's a reason.
"A couple of weeks ago j moved to
neW-that is TO say. to another-board-
ing house. The other one had begun to
TEEN with too much life during the day
light hours to permit of my getting
away with enough of that slumber
thing to keep me alive.
The landlady of the place I moved to
Evening star., 1909-08-21

HE man W h o s e
waistline Is not SO
] | S s o m e, so to
speak, as It used to
be in the eighties
was emitting things.
Maybe I'm a
back number he
emitted. All right.
Let it go at that.
/ am a back num-
ber. then. But I've
got an idea or two
u T. -f -, ~