The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933, 1909-02-18
HOOD RIVER APPLES
STARTLE THE KAISER

Once upon time gallant otficai
In Uncle s m's Navy let his exnber.
ance get the beat OF h,n- end allow ed
bis VII to dash nut In the veil known
lines u "Hocb der Kaiser I" As
everyone In Ss that sane officer got
himself in.o all sorts Of trouble. toI
no sooner bad those funuv liues-
which IT, IN. Aueriisns iail ly scin
lated with wit aud mirthful sarGasm-
leached the ea'r OF tho august scion
OF the house Il HohcuzulleIn, tLf be
ose in hi' Mighty wIuth aud de
manded the head OF the bra.gart who
ca ed poke fun at him. And be got
it.
1t is only dread Of like fate that
prevents the Portland Commercial
Club from bIeasiug into verse on the
occa,ion of having the Imperial Ruler
OF the Ieutons inquire through his
official household just what is contain
ed In the nv steIiGus box marked
"Oregon Apples" and shipped to
hairer Wilhelm hy the suspicious or
ganization of the K se City. That
Ills Majesty suspects nothing short of
dynamite, or a suit lie poison aItfully
lnJscted into the heart of the blush
Ing zenberss and golden New
towns b3 the memGer Of the p. &. G..
who operates the hyperdermic, is
made evident 10y the recent of cable
at the Portland Wells Fargo office
from the Berlin express office inquir-
Ing the contents OF the d,a1ly looking
box, and the tull pedigcee OF the send.
els.
A good joke OH Portland, alright,
yet 1t is for us co laugh 1hese up
Piles came from Hood River Valley.
In tact they were the Choiscest ever
sent out of this famous district, being
the prize winners at two shows aud
sent as gifts to three of the crowned
heads of Europe, King Edward, Gar
Nicholas and Der Kaiser. Edward
looked upon the Oregon apple when it
was red and without hesitancy bit in
to its luscious meat. even it it did
have IA German name. The Gar of
all Russia placed an extra guard
around the palace when his gift OF
rived, for apples cost one dollBr per
In st. Petersburg and he did not want
to take chance of having Hood River
apples doomed
But 1t was up to Kaiser Wilhelm to
shy at our world famed product. The
stamp Of "Fsncy SpitZenbergs" did
not quiet his fears one whit, although
that word SpitZ is of purest Teuton ic
extraction. Der Kaiser believes in
being careful, and before he would al
low the Imperial Opener of Packages
to approach the suspicious Oregon
box, he ordered that inquiry be made
rs to wheu, where, what and how that
box happened to arrive 10 Berlin ad-
dressed to the Royal Household. Per,
haps his majesty has been reading
Better I'rui aud has le rDCd that We
u'e arsenic in our stray Who knows?
Or perhaps he is bit behind the
times and thinks this is still Irim-
eval forest with the aborigines run
ming at large; therstamping ground OF
dark visaged nihilists whose sole aim
is the destruction OF the House of
Hohenzollern. This is not meant as a
reflection on Der Kaiser, for who can
expect a crowned head in far away
Germany TO keep apace with the
stride of Hood River? Perhaps the
officer who reads his daily news failed
to Inform him that h. Ii. Shepard has
for many weary weeks through the
loIS hot summer and fall OF 1908,
watched his orchard with q alous care
and prayed to heaven that The blush
of his Spitzenbe bergs might rival the
rosy cheek of any maid in all Ger.
many, 80 that when Wilhelm the Great
gszed upon it. he would exclaim,
each 1t ist Better Fruit that | haft
efer peen yet ~ lie is evi emily not
in touch with the meth DIS employed
10 Hood River orchards, whose New
towns appear to lie gold plated, 80
beautifully eul0red they are. lie did
not hear that John uakel sat up
nights fi2nriug now be could bring
the CrappeI District to the attention
OF the Teuton throne; nor did he real.
lze that Hon. II r. Albes became a
politician in order to lobby his apples
through the Berlin office.
Yes, it is to laugh But perhaps
after Wilhelm eats bis first Hood Rlv-
eI Spitz he will realize that the laugh
was on His Royal Hlghness