The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1909-09-21
MR. DOOLEY
On THE TOPIC OF THE HOUR
Copyright, 1909 by II. 81. Mcclure & Co,

which tn drtn TOIdlcS III q
less thin twinty-four hours, On
iy which we have to add a day to tn
| year ivry four years. fr tn DOCK re-
poorts that they are a very larned peo-
pie. How dye know it is? says tn.
| Dock. Because we live here says tn
Eskymo with a light laugh. So tn
Dock makes a note iv it on his cuff
an comes home"
"He niver was farther north thin
tn throlley barns" said DR.. Mennessy.
''Th' Eskymos told Loot Peary that
Dock Cook spint all his time in his
shirt sleeves in a hammock in wan iv
their suburbs"
"Th' Eskimos ARE tn greatest
liars in tn wurruld," said Mr.. Larkin.
"Ye can't believe a wurrud they say.
Besides they niver said anything iv tn
kind. Dock Cook is goin' to sind a
ship up to bring thin mack to prove
ivrything he says"
That's like ye," said Mr.. Hennessy.
Eye know they're liars an yet tn on'y
ton is to get thin to swear to it.
Peary says that they'd tell amy lie
to oblige a frind with money. An he's
prepared to prove be thin that Doe
Cook niver was amy nearer to tn
north pole thin Reea Jeneeryo, be
hivens. Ye'er frind is a faker."
He is, is hep" said Mr.. Larkin.
"P'haps ye'd like to say that same out
side"
"Hol' on there said Mr.. Dooley.
"WeI1 have no rough wurruk here.
Place to raymimber that ye're in a
respectable saloon, not in tn columns
iv a New York newspaper an that We
ARE gintlemen not Arctic explorers.
h here discussion has zone On long
enough. I'll settle it right here IN
now. TIL other day, Hinnissy. l told
we that I thought both iv these here
intrepid explorers had discovered tn
north pole. I've had to change me
mind about it. Afther lookin' over tn
tistymony iv both gallant souls, study
in it carefully an maxim all allow
ances FIR typographical errors an
poetic license, I'm FORCED to say that
tn weight Nv violence goes to show
that nayther I thin was at tn north
pole. It's asiy to figure out. Peary is
a man iv unblemished c~harackter.
~Ivrybody admits that. HI settles Cook.
He says Cook niyer was nearer tn
north pole thin tn stove in an Esky-
mos home that was named afther
him. On Peary's unsupported state
ment / am prepared, Hinnissy. to say
that Cook is al imposter. But, on tn
other hand, Cook says Peary did dis
tn north pole. He's his princi-
pal witness. But Peary says Cook Is
a liar. An there We ARE.
4 O want we two scientists fr
~ ~ N'OJ "ANi SLhly ACCl1l1
towards each other, 50 I'll sum up tn
tistymony. Here We ARE. On wan
side Dock Cook reports that he suf-
fered ilivin minion columns goin'
north an siven comm back. He on'y
suffered a small paragraph at tn pole.
Ye get fr'm his thrillin' narrative a fine
description iv tn landscape iv America
firm tn Everglades north but mach
rally he says little about the pole, law
in that to tn imagination where it
belongs. On that glorious day in
April says he, we arrived at tn goold
iy all ambitions. I will not burden tn
readers with a description iv tn place
but will resoom me story Nv me suffer-
ms on me way back says he.
Dock Peary underwent foorteen
columns iv agony goin' up an three
columns comm back. Whin he arriv-
ed at tn pole he found nowthin' to
write about. AS FIR tn north pole
says he, this is an old story to most iv
your readers, SO / will not attimpt to
describe it. A full %ccoun will be
found in me forthcomin book, two
vols. calf, twelve-mo. deckle-edge, full
ly Illustrated, price two dollars a VOL
ume, forty an ten Off to tn thrade.
We made nanny important observa-
tons at tn pole. TIL most important
was an observation I made to war iv
me faithful COMPANIONS, to-Wit: Now
that we ARE here; now that we have
unveiled wan iv tn Wurruld's mystic
ries an reached tn height iv me ambi-
ton. we must go ack as fast as we
can.
'Peary has proved c~onclusively to
me mind that Cook was niver at tn
north pole. I'd take his wurrud FIR it
alone, but he backs it up with wi
dince. Hill be able to show that tn
speed tn dock says he made was i'm
possible. He thraveled more thin half
as fast as Peary. He says he'll show
be tn Evidence iv truthful an veeracy-
Gus Eskymos that tn dock was niver
out iv sigh iv land. Who ARE tn
EskymOs. asks We. TIL same reliable
witnesses Dock Cook brings for'ard to
establish his claim to tn first in that
great Canajeen suburb. No less tn