davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

proach nervously & pull him out OK bed
rs there some impudent questions you
jap Iadds wish enquire before retire 10
next room to be scrubbed down BY trainers
& assistants?'' he say IT,
Please exhibited &c hish-up FOUNDER
snuggle. when you was in Paris. ~nas you
thought OF them French puggle-hghters
you seen there%
Them Frenchmans." report Hon. Jen.
els a curious species OF 4-paw prize-hShtars-
They wear their boxing-glOves on their feet
as well as their hands This are a deli
cIouslv cunning habit. When American
pugglists fights them Frenchers tns results
ia very confused. 1t are awful puzzins 10
be Kicked IN the nose Just as you are De-
ginning TO get scientifick-
.eyyo,,ld not this French boxing Be nice
aeht for Americans TO dO?" 1 require.
.eNix n would not"' ollicute JeY- 'There
Is too much kicking among American pri1e
fighters already.
So he retire into next room where tnere
are sounds Of splash. splatter. ruDo @
grones of trainers being knocked around
Nogi say he got one more question: 10
should like 10 enquire, so we set lonesoiney
on pink chairs awaiting for Hon. JEFF to
arrive out again.
Pretty soonIy this great Champeen ap-
back.
tired out in a frockaway coat. silk-pipe hat
egg-colored gloves. pink vest * sox N
necktie 10 match
"weIl. farebye, Jap boys" he exploda
squeezing our hands Off with kindness. II
must depart off for lunch with Gov Hughes
& make slight lectures by Y NJ T. A
Any brief questions you wish ask before
hands?"
"PIease if convenient" say Nogi step
ming forwards. would you illustrate 70
me, as kindly as possible, what stroke you
intend TO deliver TO Hon. Jon Jonson tco4-
oreCD to stop him doing so2
"Of sure WILL" say Hon jeff sn1lefuily-
stand slightly back. please Now thro"
up both elbows like a angry crao-
..WiII il make me hurt?" require Nosf
standing in this positions.
ut are nearly always painless" commuts
jeff. Now get ready to see what!
OF suddenly Hon. JEFF give our NoGt
slight shove in rib. II do not seem a harsh
or strong stroke. yet il send my Cousin
skating to corner on the back o. his brains
Hon. JEFF depart off with comick express
sion of one who sees jokes
I rush to corner where poor Nogi IS lay
ing. His face is so full OF happy trarce
hate to wake him. But I must So fan
his wrists and nose MS eyes Will "oSSA-
Pretty Soonly he set up with puzzled eX-
preston.
How you feel?" l require
II am the first man 10 see Mr.. Haneys
comet with the naked eye, since its return
from nowhere" he report So l took hinl
home in handsome cab feeling too srogsed
4. buzzy to have no sensible opinion about
nothing.
HOnius- Won are the same.
Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright 1909 by the Associated Literary
PreSsl
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

But il are full OF wrong grammar &
wrote on both sides Of the page" derange
this Manager-m1n. ALSO ii has a deli
clously dull spot IN it,"
Cant that dull spot be erased by any
brite stenographer?" require the Hon.
Champeen calmly.
1T could II il was smaller" say Hon.
Dave with Aunty Trust expression. but
this is the largest dull spot 1 ever seen. It
begins with Act One and quits only when
the play does.
Gould not such spots be removed with
gasolene?" say JEFF.
"Yes-if you set fire to the gasolene."
rake out Dave.
Before this conversation say JEFF with
Knockout expression Of mouth. 81 had
hopes 10 quit the brutal game OF punch
fighting & obtain my money in some more
light ladylike way. But row this hope
have gone. If my plan is footless, hair
less and covered with a dull spot. what
would 1 do with it?'' Slight weeps from
him
Cheer uply!" corrode Hon. Belask put
ting on his cane & hat. "Playwriters IS
seldom discouraged. When their play is
had they puts some songs into it and sells
ii for a musical Comedy"
So Hon. Belasco part off & leave Hon.
jeff wrapped in Thought and a silk blanket
Pretty soonly he look round & see me
and Nogi setting together lonesomely on
pink chairs.
so ha!" he exclam. You are the Jap
anese jiu jitsu fighters. Would you Like
for to fight me now. or could you wait till
later?"
I'VE nave leisure to wait" say Cousin
Nogi with pale ears.
Would you not draw some color-lines at
us?" l ask with thankful feelings because
OF my Oriental parents.
''Ah, no." reciprocate JEFF. rolling up
sleeves TO elbows where muscles was wound
al. around 1t like peevish snakes. II am
careless about different shades OF prize
fighters. Indians. Australians, Zulus-I am
willing TO pound them all TO slumber if
brought to me in sufficiently good condi-
tion. For money I am even willing to give
knock-away punch TO Chinese & Japanese"
1 thank him for this chivalry to my race
Have you ever met japanese & Chinese
Champeens?" l otter.
Never yet" he snagger, But frequently
1 have met fighters with yellow streaks."
1 make note Of this phenomenal
Are you determined TO have a hitting
match with Hon. Jon Jonson (colored) de-
spite his Niger qualities?" This from me.
1T is all down in black & white" he pro-
nounce.
Hon Burns say A mans a man for ah
that! I report for smart quotation.
Burns Say Hon. JEFF, You mean jim
Burns that Canadian lemon what went to
Australia for fight Jack Johnson?
wouldn't pay no tention to what he says
What have became Of classic reverence for
bruise q slug. that folks should go arour
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

CHAPTER EIII-UNCLE JOHN PARA
LIVED.
Come in! Come on! Well don't you
hear? Can't you understand any? Oh iTs
you. chil5. I thought il was one of those
darned walters.
'Sit down. pull up a chair by the bed.
It's so long since I sent for you that I Just
about thought that you We're not coming.
i suppose you were surprised at my sending
for you; but Il was the only way TO do.
It's hard thing 10 break 10 you, Yvonne;
but you'd have 10 know IN the course OF
the day, and ] always do everything right
Off that I've not decided to wait nd see
about. Now don't look frightened, my dear;
,obodys dead-its only that I'm para
yzed!
There, what do you think of THAR Yes.
it's true for q fact. Ny legs, ] Iad some
premonitory symptoms yesterday going up
that cursed old tower, and had some very
advanced ones coming down from It; and
this morning, when started 10 shave. the
truth 1ust burst in my face. Now, don't
try 70 say anything, for I've read too many
patent medicine advertisements not to rec
ognize paralysis when feel IL up and down
the back OF my own legs. I'm not the
man not 10 know my own feelings, and 7
want TO tell you that when 7 got up this
morning I couldn't stand up, and then, af
ter stood up, I couldn't sit down; and if
that isn't clear case OF having completely
given out ! don't know what you would
call st
Now, my dear, the question is, what's
TO be done? OF course. our travels have
come 20 a full stop, for I shall probably
never walk again. The curious thing Is
that 7 don't feel any particular inclination
L IN, Hon
os the sentiments that feel in my legs;
but 81 you roll the fatigue OF a lifetime
into either the left or the right you can get
some faint inkling Of the first freshness Of
paralysis / tell you, Yvonne, II IS awful
Every cobblestone I've gone over seems TO
be singing in my calves: but that's neither
here nor there. What ! want you to do IS
10 go 20 the pocket OF my valise, get out
the cable code book and look out q word
that means Both legs par2lyzed- What
shall do with the girlsT You'll find
word that means it, II you look long enough.
They've got forty pages Of words that mean
every fool thing on earth from It's a boy
20 Impossible TO lend you ten dollars d
was reading II over in Paris the other day
while waited for my money AT the bank.
We'll. amt you going 10 get the code
book7 don't want TO be impatient but I
want some one 10 be doing something. You
don't know how restless Il makes me 70
think OF lying still for the rest OF my life.
While I was waiting for you. / was think
ing that probably l shall live right here N
Csen TIL die. I'm very glad We got here
too late 10 see anything, because now I
can take it bit by bit and drag fl out
through my remaining days. I shall have
wheeling chair and TO push me
around, snd-weli. maybe it's in the little
outside pocket. ] know had il In Paris,
anyhow; ] remember I was just reading
that satisfy means Your mother-in-law
left by the 10 O'Clock train ane that sal
sifry means that she didn't, when they
brought me my money and was free 10 go.
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

be hanging up somewhere all full of dents
and rusty bloodstains, and I'd be sisht
In some cathedral with your Aunt Jane
wearing funnel and an accordion beside
me. We'd both be IN marble. of course.
some worn by time and some Clipped by
tourists-ah, well!
Cant you find anything suitable in that
code book2 Here, I've been waiting
quarter of an hour for you TO hunt-hand
me the book. I remember shell Is Have
broken my left Leg and 'shelltsh' Is
Have broken my right leg and shawl Is
wait a bit-keep still. Yvonne: no one
in the wide world can study a code and lis
ten at the
''Oh. we'll. I'll leave it till tonight Not
that I'm !rritated at your interruption. for
l never let anything ruff1e rie. and when
you write home the first thing want you
to tell your mother Is that being paralyzed
has not changed me one particle. Same
even disposition. same calm outlook on life,
same disinclinatIon TO ever bother any one.
/ want you TO make them understand In
particular how cheerful / am. Some men
would turn cynical at waking up paralyzed,
but not me. 1 feel if 1 might get about
quite a little IN Caen. maybe even get to
Falaise again some time; but you can bank
on one thing. and that Is that u ever go
back TO Falaise won't go up that tower
again. | was wondering this morning as
lay here waiting fo- you how In thunder
you were holding that candle to spill SO
much grease on my hat You can't say
that you didn't know was there, for every
second step you took your foot hit me In
the small Of the back. You ought TO have
gone first. anyhow. l know the rule Is
FOR man to go first going down
a staircase. but l don't call that business
we were on any staircase: it was more like
series OF cascades. with us forming the
merry leaptng part. / tell YOU what
iVohne the next time it's up TO your JJncls
John TO play the channels that springs from
cr"s 20 cras over an old middle aged stair
case while his niece pours candle grease
on his hat you can excuse me.
"hat Ike is clean, open-to- the-day-
ASht ruins like that old one at Jumieges,
NO peril. no anxiety-aIl on a level. anl
tine to look up at what wasn't. 1 tell
you, wouldn't have missed seeing Jumieses
for anything. I was thinking this morning
as lay here waiting for you that I have a
good mind To write book about my travels
and that when do shall have the frontis
piece me In front or Jumieges. | could
take an artist down there on purpose and
while ne wasn't doing me / could look "
All over again Maybe l could go there
alone WIN Kodak and get a satisfactory
frontispiece. only those rocks were so th,c,S
that most people would think it was a de-
fective plate. shouldn't like to have them
mink that. for II 1 was going To have a.
book at all. should have IL In good style
gold edges. bevei plate and SO forth. don't
you know. I'd like to write a book about
Europe. l VOW. 1 haven't been here very
long. but I'll swear know ten times moro
than any book ever tells IL never said
word In Baedeker about there not being any
cabs At Dreux. or about the condition OF
those steps In Talbot's Tower. and such
things ought 70 b known. It's all right
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

lost its cunning way OF hitting me In the
eve. This were nice time for me"'
what YOU do them require Nogi bat
lively.
SIX times L punched his meal ticket"
he report.
How much a gentleman must know to
be a pugglist" says Nog! with respects
Nothing arrived now but the hniSn'
continue this giant Knocker. Il drove one
delicious stem-wind into the centre OF MS
diagram. which caused the Pride or 'he
Knngaroos to shrink up like sponge
With a normous gawsp he collapsed 70
floor Hon. Gong stroked one-two-three-n
were sad to that Grandy Old Man OF
1000 battles thusIy fading into zero. How 1
wish could help him in some way.''
Didn't you do nothing to help him?"
require.
.'Of sure I did" snuggest JEFF. II
stretched him out with Hushabye IN the
Jaw. He lay still. II was all over but the
hanzai."
WAS he dead7' I require, hopefully.
HE was not dead. but sleepy, snuggest
Hoa. JEFF. crolling back into bed and hlins
his fingers daintishly with manicure saw.
zone more answer 1 should Ike 10 re-
qu,re" I derange as soonly as coEiu
think what It was, DO you regard puhch-
nght,ng to be a brutal thing IT peples."
TOO seldom 1t ;s." report him Many
pugglistick encounters is like golluf-rnere-
Iy stimulating exercises among two gen
tlemen what are either too old or too lazy
for hard work. Look at that recent meet
between Hon. Jon Johnson (coloreO and
hon STANLEY KetchelI in San Francisco.
What was it?"
Me and Nogi are disabled to answer.
TT were a pretty. harmlus sight, like
little schoolgirls OF similar tastes but op-
posite compilations playing Beans Por-
ridge Hot on the village lawn. Nice old
ladies might gaz at such pastimes for days
e. days and never have single nerve
knocked ajar.'
.'Do YOU regard feetbau to be more
coarse & brutal game than prize-hshtins'
is next question for me.
There amt no comparison" dib JEFF.
For years my brain has become so tuned
to the higher & sweeter uses OF prize
fighting that my soul coughs and fiutters
whenever I think Of feetball. How can
more or less educated College Boys be so
rude TO each other?
'Only last November. DR.. Chas. W.
Eliot OF Harvards telephoned me wouldn't
/ please come & set with him and Senator
Hale at the annual Yale-Harvards garue
But I answered backwards, No. Charley
much as I admire you as man and a
sport, 1 can't be seen with you at a feet
ball game. You're too boystrOus on such
occashions. Also my hearts weak and
I'm afraid I might swoon of 10 see them
scenes of gore & carnage.
81 thing Charley never forguv me for
this. But what could 1 do? DR.. Eliot are
only a private citizen; but when a fella
gets mixed into Public Life like / am he
can't be careless like he used to-
"WiIl Hon. Eliot be present at your 4th-
coming knuckle-fght with Hon. Jon Jonson
(colored)?''
IT askt him. but he refused" confass this
hitting man. Amt II strange how narrow
& prsjudiced them Colledge Profs gets?"
While we was thusly talking a French
valet, German barber, a Swedish mas
sage, a Irish trainer s. or laborers ar
rive in door TO tell Hon. JEFF he must get
up. Slight complaint from him. They ap-
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
Jef1ries SboeoS Wbaf He
EI,sIE Do to johnson
Noted PugiIist Gives Demonstration. in
Pajamas, to Togo and His Cousin Nogi
Posing Jitsu Eighters

To the Editor OF The Tribune. who must
wish to see the North Pole, the Tariff
q other disagreeable Fights settled in
20 rounds.
Steamed Mr.. Sir:
In Hotel St Stihe. \. Y, where Hon. Jas
Jcffs' famus punch. were residing in COM
partments after get-back from Europe. I
go there with my Cousin Nogi for obtain
slight interview.
This are very grand Hotel Good taste,
statuary, wealth, gilty picture-frames,
plush & bellboys everywheres.
Where are Hon. Jas Jeffs. please?" l
require TO Hon. Clerk.
In royal bridal sweet. formerly occupied
by Consul the Monk & other notable for
eigners." report he with eros expression
fashionable among Hotel Clerks.
wish see him. please" This from me.
Nearly everybody does" says Hon.
Clerk. What name, II any"
"FIashimura Togo and Cousin Nogi, Jap
anese j,u jitsu fighters" 1 report deceptive
ly giving Nogi a nuj so he should not speaa
truth
Hon. Clerk make jerk to telefone & decry.
THAT you. Hon. JEFF? Yes. please! HashI-
mura Togo q Cousin Nogi, Japanese jiu
jitsu fighters. is here to show you how"
Shall be glad 10 try them" say large
Voice by telefcne.
So me & Nogi arrive up by elevator I
am filed with happy hanzai, but Nogi enjoy
slight nervousness Of knees & elbows, like
he wish go home
Hon. Bellboy show US TO large bedroom
which looked delciously HISTORICAL like
Mrs. Mary Antoinette got her head chopped
there Everything surrounded with goldly
furniture aggravated by pink plush. Por-
traits OF hon. a. Aug. Heinz, Hon. Nspo-
leon. Hon. Bob Fits & other great knock
outs was attached TO walls. Evidences OF
wealth & un-reinement found everywheres.
On fartherest end Of this room in mag
niferous gold bed, formerly belonging to
Queen Elizabeth OF London. lay the Cham
pion punch-hghter Of the world, reading
play TO Hon David BeIasco. who sat rev.
erently near. Hon. Jeffs were richly but
simply dressed in gleen pajamas with dia-
mond buttons
Although / had never saw either Hon.
Belasco or Hon. JEFF before 1 could tell
them apart by looking at them.
Hon. JEFF was reading a play to Hon.
Belasco. BY soft & happy expression on
face OF that famous Pugger I was sure ne
must of wrote that Play himself. Pretty
soonly he finish Act and say with voice:
This would be the greatest hit Of my
life"
Your life has been full OF great Hits"
say Hon Dave. Yet I am doubtful about
this Play. II have no Plot"
You could put this in for me-" snuggest
Hon. JEFF, optimatically.
1t have 40 good Characters in it," de-
Ecse Hon. Belasco.
THAT could be fixed by hiring some good
actors" report that punch-man with smiles
surrounding his fighting face.
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

meant it; but it is the truth, and, as con-
sequence, here I lie paralyzed. Yes. we've
been travelling too fast. It's the vice
of the American abroad; It's the terrible
secret drain upon the strength OF our bet
ter classes. We come over to rest, and II
we don't do two countries a week we feel
we've wasted our money. The idea of leav-
ing Paris in the morning and doing
Chartres and Dreux and getting to Argen-
tan that night! Why. Hercules himself
would have been used up.
And then that castle at Falaise. But
I'm not sorry that went to Falaise. No,
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
JOHN

I'm not sorry. Yvonne, there was some
thing about that castle that I'll never get
over. I tell you those were the days to
live IN! l was thinking about 1t while /
was waiting for you this morning. VIII
you consider what 1t must have been TO
put on a suit that you couldn't be punched
through. and then get out with an AK that
faced two ways and have full freedom to
hack at people you hated. I tell you, child.
1 should have been one OF those who barri-
caded themselves behind the dead bodies
they had killed and kept right on firing
over the top. And to-day my armor would
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

America where you can listen to a goat.
And then that wallpaper, what tranquil
pattern-a basket Of sunfowers upside
down alternately with a single palm upside
up! What a contrast TO the paper on that
room sailed FRONT 1t looked more like
snakes doing physical culture than any
thing else.
"Yvonne. was thinking it all over as
lay here this morning waiting for you. and
the truth is we've been travelling too fast
/ wanted you to see all there was to see
and 1 overlooked myself completely. Don't
feel badly, child, because I know you never
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

spectfully under table
1t was like thusly." resume on that
great Jolter Round after round the
Freckled Skeleton from the Antripodes had
laid his mittens all over me. This were
very irritating"
II should hit man for doing that" say
Nogi with peev.
Il tempt TO do so; but l was up in the
air." he aviate. II could not land. 1 flew
around in circles, and whenever l threw
hook to that Prince of Blacksmlths,
found l was a mile over his head. 1 was
disgusted of myself
why should you be?" say for al
mradon. Hon. Wilburd Wright never
one so Well"
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

quoting Burns like they thought he was a
smart man? 1t was not thus in my Day"
What was your Day. please?' This from
Nogi
My Day. say Hon. jeff with dog-aght
expression Of nose and teeth. My Day was
when I slapped an Oblivion Poultice on the
lunch-box OF Hon. Bob Fits till Australia
dipped the rag and the Spotted Kangaroo
hoped to Sunderland and kicked the
daisies while the bell tolled ten
I could not assimiate them words he said
It. 1t sound like poetry in some foreign
language Maybe he Is speaking Ger
man." say Nogi with whispers.
Hon. jeff now arose up in his pajamas &
lifted up his elbows in attitude Of a Slug
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
JUST GOING TO SAY THAT.

son OF Erin who had .he mistortune
to get mixed up in an ACCIDENT was iin-
II was found mar his only injury w~s =
slight wound. The house surgeohh n -
fully examined him, after why" "S S''N'
80 - - .,,'C,,s abrasion is not oo-
servabis' I think there is little reason +6 20
apprehend tegumentl Sicn5TlI,''Ss ,6l yaorse,f rs
b. -, paf With miSchievcuS smile
..Sure doctor" replied Pat, you're =
y,o,, jsrf,,r thought reader. You look ehs
,'.' ,r-,s out Of my mouth. l was tuss
going TO say that'-Tu- Hits
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

Hon. jeff scrowel at me doggishly for
interference. Then he resume on.
Hon. Fits was deusIve old mammal.
When l tried to bore g. hole in him he slid
under my arm: Whenever / felt fer him
he wasn't there"
Where was he. please7' require Nogi.
He was slipping around the ring like
Eel on a hot griddle.'
II should like to See this Hon. Fits lie
must be a wonderful man." say me & Nogi
Nosi in unicorn.
After some time spent in this smuse-
ment,' say JEFF. 'I seen that this Fits
man were enjoying great fatigues. His
breath arrived in long pants. His right
wing was covered with bumps and his left
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
WHAT He WON.

When the result Of the Derby reached a
Yorkshire mining village one OF tho coll
herS remarked 10 his mate:
ALIVE made nice little dinner out
of that race, an by sheer luck. too. An
chalked all Z names q Z horses on
revolving targit. an took II into reid an
got my OVID woman to shoot an arrow as
il while 1t wor spinning
AN II stuck into Minorus old IL
Queried his friend
NO, 1t didn't 1t stuck a fine fat duck
that wor waddling along at [ side o
field, an We had it for dinner to-day va
sage an oniOns.' concluded the couisr--
FTit-RitS
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
AN INpIsCREET MEMORY.

The Hostess Don't YOU think Cesones.
Rroadside Is quite u wonderful old mani
Iook M him lie Is as straight ana sleha-
er as an arrow. and he mas the hi'S'
Ths \ sdy of Dubious Age-I think hes
an atrociOus old bore lie retneh.srd5
when everybody was oefh.-CieNs'~
Plain Dealer
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
REVISING AN OLD ONE.

Miss Prim-When : marry ] am deter
mined that my husband shall dress IN
good taste.
Miss 'Cayenne-But you must remember,
nv dear Miss Prin, the recipe on How
to Dress a Husband" II begins ike this:
First catch himr' Plain Dealer.
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31
IT'S CATCHING

Spindleshauks-Tve got <ysr
tishoo! Tishoo. Tishooi-hay ysr rour,,r,
that rrass widow round the corner en-
Illustrated Bits.
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

49,, w., ana Of these long cigars. old
man They measure four 20 the yard
Gver-WSat yard-the SFavsya<oFSs
cASo News.
New-York tribune., 1909-10-31

To the Editor OF The Tribune. who must
wish to see the North Pole, the Tariff
& other disagreeable Fights settled in
z-