Daily press. [volume] (Newport News, Va.) 1896-current, 1909-04-18
The Lady Who
Speaketh Not
Moss 70 Be Feared THAI the Convict
ss6osL Wiz. Ssys Uncle Henry.

woman ID the limit, SlSHeu ShS'o
Henry after listening intently for q
few moments to be sure, she was
not In any dangerous proximity. Yes.
sir. II you go In to use the regular
highbrow literary style OF invective,
you might call her a paradox. And
II you don't know, . paradox Is some
thing which is what 1t never was
snd looks like what 1t never will be.
Fierce things. son; simply fierce.
IT'S like this. When she's mad she
spurts conversation with static head
Of 2s0 pounds. The madden she gets
the harder It Is for her to talk. And
when she gets clean plumb petulant
you can't get q word out OF her with
q cold cbisel.
Get me right. though. However
otherwise and nevertheless. a silent
woman Is the gosh blamedest work OF
an otherwise benehcent Providence
That silent treatment effect Is
what brings the silver threads among
the gold. That's what makes mar
ried men learn to beguile the thing
they are by seeming otherwise. as the
poet 80 aptly expresses it. I'm going
to tell. you. son. q conversational wom-
an wife is a sore trial. and offense
and a stumbling block. But you take
1t from me. when you frame her up
alongside Of the silent sister sort OF
simple sorrow she Is FIVE aces to the
deck. Yes. sir. she is that.
Il tell you. son, this silent crouch
business In q problem. It's a study.
l put 1t down that any man who can
invent an antidote Is going to be rich.
famous and happy all at the same
time And listen, I've got a great
scheme. There's sure way to beat
1t and your crafty Uncle Henry had
thought It out all for himself. And
tried it too. by gracious. Be not as
dumb. driven cattle, be a hero.
"An right I comes home the other
night and found that was persona
non grata with little wife. She could
not see me with a Yerkes telescope.
l had to go look in the glass to find
out II I was really home. don't
know what was the matter with her
but whatever 1t was 1t was my fault,
of course.
An I says, 'posterity never did
anything for me. 80 YOU could notice
it, l says. but says: I am certain
ly built on the general ground plan OF
public benefactor. I will try this lit
tie scheme out and put the double
cross on a lowering futurity.' I says.
All right. When got sort Of
braced I sings out: Huh says. I
dunno what this house would be II
some one didn't come in once and q
while and pay some attention to some
thing. That front door bell won't
ring. It's busted like that. l says.
OF course I knew 1t wasn't busted, but
l just wanted to start her OF.
The bell rings perfectly WE'LL she
says.
See? had her from the start. Oh.
this is a bang up idea of mine. All
right. Then I comes back at her sort
Of mean.
Nothing Of the Sort says 1T
don't ring because it's busted. guess
ought to know. Seems like every
thing is busted around here I says,
leading her out to make another
crack. Catch the idea!
The front door bell.' she says.
cool, calm and collected and the icicles
hanging on every word, Is In excellent
condition There Is nothing the mat
ter with It. It Is not broken. It
rings. The front door bell rings she
says. like that certainly settled It and
me At the same time.
Then decides to spring IT, All
right says. since you are % sure I
says. I'll 90 oct and push the buttOn,'
I says. and then We win see whether
you know 20 much or not / says. Just
- tart and brazeu as any old bachelor.
Huh she says. Only that and moth
ing more.
Then l knew I had her. was some
sot up over II too So goes out on the
front steps and gives the thing push
good and strong 20 there wouldn't b
any mistake.
well. sir. you can just see me out
on that stoop with the light Of victory
in my eyes. just dIppy with excitement
Hike . boy spinning his arst top I
sort Of figured It out I was Qualifytns
to have . national holiday named After
me too.
so I gives It q good push. Then I
listens. didn't hear anything I
gives II another shove. Sun nothing
doing. Probably something the mat
ter with the button. I unscrevs that
in . hurry and touches the ends Of
the wires. Still NO ring. ! screws on
the button again. and then Who comes
moseying out but wife.
WELL she says, ring ~ SAe says.
Don't be standing there nke . fool
a.