The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-03-28


 o in about 1O wearing his gran iteware shirt. his pearl studs and the rest of his After-Six-O' Clock clothes.
 where you been?" asked the House Detective, who staying up late to hang the quarantine sign on a promoter who had the habit of invading the St. Reckless of an evening and selling stock in a mining property warranted to con- tain large quantities of gold, silver and amalgam filings, to unwary investors from the Middle West. Did some glad some social diversion claim you on your might off?''
 "Nothing of the sort said the Hotel Clerk Ut was q recital, piano recital, If you must know the damning truth. have just returned from a place called Odium Hall, or some such name and you behold me now in d state bordering on nervous exhaustion. One of those Little Sisters of the Hurried Touch with a win ming smile and way about her, caught me with nay guard down the other day. and before I could cover up. she'd sawed off a couple of tickets on me- So for getting that the only way to get your money back on one of those orgies of the true music lovers, is to stay carefully away from ii, put on my Young Prince Charming tonight and walked foolishly into my fate just the same a moolly COW going through a. slaughter house door.
 "Any man ought to be able to find all the harmonic trouble that the artistic side of his nature might crave without going out hunting it. He can stay at home and it'll come looking for him. Most of our music is punched out for us by machinery; also button-holes, animal crackers and musical comedies penny In the slot may mean a pack of pepsin gum 1t may mean a national air by Williams and Walker
 When you bump into foolish-looking brass bound machine with pipes and things curving all over it, and you touch 1t off, it's liable either to blow your eye brows off your face with a sudden blast of compressed air, or hand you the open ing bars of The March of the Tuskegee Cadets on the drum of the ear, because it's wise father these days that knows his automatic player from his vacuum cleaner 1t used to be that after the youngest female child in the family had spent four hard years practising the scales running from ''do'' to dough- or words to that effect, and the nexs two years learning Buy a Broom and There Little Girl, Don't Cry" with the bone-felon effect, and another very hard, bumpy year beating the vitals out of the Standard Classical Valse Collection Album, why then the neghbors could en- joy a well-earned rest. The piano was re- tired on a pension, and stayed closed from one house cleaning season to another, it's main object being to give the house d tone of true refinement and enable the tl.. front stairs as the music room. But now, by heaven, they hang a devilish contrv- ance shaped like dog house, on its low CT jaw and by person sitting on this thing and churning the unfortunate in- strument full of wind 1t is compelled to throw the latest popular airs off it's stom- ach in metallic tone of voice that can be heard on a quiet night as far as four bl0cks.
 But being a perfect beggar for pun tDhment I had to go piking off tonight to this haunt of the bluff-heads. some times called high-brows They called it c recital on the programme, but while I thankful to say nobody felt called upon to do so, at the same time I've got to confess to you that what l heard was worse than any recitation that ever came out of a box. How Salvador Won the Race, with the correct elocutionary ges- lures and pauses, is a peaceful pipe along
 
 Counting all of us there was quite 9 crowd. There were lot of the real steep foreheads-you could spot them easy by their eyes and their dandruff and their rapt expression-and few rank outsiders like me, with the wild, hunted glance rov- ing about from side to side, if seeking . way to escape, and here and there, try ing to look all wrought up and interested ond everything, could pick out charter member of the Order of Husbands Who Go Anywhere With Their Wives You know what merry devils they are: All one of these fellows needs is crepe on his sleeve and a derby hat worn on the crook of the left arm to be an honorary pail bearer.
 Well, after our appetites had been all whetted up, waiting. out came a densely settled foreigner who either paid a heavy k duty under the wool schedule when he