davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
With the Worlds
Great H1lmoriSfS
Selections from the UrffinSS
Makers Of Mirfb.

In with the administration at all haz-
ards, unless he had seen a good
chance to disagree with Roosevelt
and get away with 1t, which is lar
ger order than any present-day states
man has been able to FILL
Pericles was accused of having Pan
Hellenic theories, for which he took
hot foot baths, boneset tea and lobe
liza. Three days later the board or
health played formaldehydeand-seek
all about the house and pronounced
him entirely well. At the time of go
ing to press there are no new cases
reported.
When Pericles, after many years
of foxy management of affairs, was
taken with pip, bronchitis or what
ever was his final ailment, and when
on account of his prominence too
many doctors had got hold OF him to
let him possibly recover, some of the
old women of Athens hung a bag or
asafetida, a rabbits foot Or some
other charm around his neck to keep
off the kibosh. Pericles smiled at
this, casually remarking to an attend
ant:
Look how nutty even the brightest
of us may become, when he's scared
of croaking!"
But the asafetida or bunny-hoof was
up against too much handicap, in that
large herd of doctors. SO Pericles quit
living, after which people were glad
to admit that he was great, and lot
of Athenian Buttinskys and Mr.. Fixits
found to their sorrow that they could
not fill his place. All they could do
was to make people shake their heads
and say: IF Pericles had lived, that
would have been done differently"
Than which nothing makes a hard
working statesman sorer toward a
popular favorite.
Copyright, 1909. by w. G. Chapman.)
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
DOING THEIR FULL DUTY.
Statistics Prove That Americans Have
Not Shirked Altar.

In these goth century days, says
writer in Success Magazine, when
even the very young tell you that mar
riage is a failure, and that =, is better
for the bachelor maid to bear the ills
she has than fly to others that she
knows not of, it is reassuring to read
statistical report on marriage and
divorce just issued by the census de-
partment. 1t seems that Uncle Sam
became interested in this marriage
question, and sent his patient census
enumerators to all the tying-up places
in the country to find out what they
could. The results are astounding.
During the last 20 years almost 26,-
100000 bridegrooms and brides
walked up to the atlar-13, 100000
handsome SWANS with 100000
blushing brides on their arms. The
American is a marrying man, much
more than is the Englishman, the
Frenchman, the German, the Russian,
the Austrian, the Italian, the Span
lard, the Swede, or, in fact, than any
European except the Hungarian. And
the habit is growing on the American,
so much so that every single man and
maid in the country has a better
chance of marrying than had his
father or her mother.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

With long, deep sigh Addison
Spriggs laid his paper aside and made
himself a solemn promise. He had
just read the beautiful sentiment:
AS you travel on your way
Bravely do the best you can
Every moment of the day
To assist your fellow man.
There" thought Spriggs. lis a
great sermon In a few words. If |
can live up to that sentiment | shall
be greater than he that rideth in a
limousine car OF course fellow man
is not to be taken literally. 1t en-
braces woman. Ha, that is good En-
braces woman! And why not
Woman was made to be embraced"
Imbued with the spirit of altruism,
Mr.. Spriggs sailed forth, and in the
crowded street he presently saw a
poor woman who was YEARLY carry
ing a child that was several sizes too
large for her.
IF you will permit me" said he
who had resolved to assist his fellow
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

stricting himself to the only two
rooms in the house which he really
needs for his own USE AS for Mrs.
Aarup and the children, they could oc-
cupy the other two bedrooms, as for
merly, the kitchen, drawing-room and
dining-room, and rent the other apart
ments in the front of the house.
There was only one obstacle to the
successful carrying out of this sug-
gestion, and the attorneys interested
in the case called it to the attention
of the court With his two rooms par
titioned off from the other part of
the house, Mr.. Aarup would probably
suffer some inconvenience climbing up
an ladder and in and out of
his be Dom window every time he
wanted TO go upstairs. There would
be no other way for him to reach his
bedroom after il was partitioned off
from the remainder of the house.
Has Private Staircase.
Judge Honore has disposed Of this
little problem by suggesting the con-
struction Of a private staircase lead
ing from Mr. Aarup's Office to the
bedroom overhead. The judge has
even constituted himself architect for
the reconstruction of the house that is
to be divided against itself. and he
has drawn up plans for the construc-
ton Of the partitions which, when
completed. will enable Mr. and Mrs.
Aarup each to live in his or her own
side of the house without any fear of
ever meeting the other face to face.
At present they have no desire to meet
each other, and Mr. Aarup has formed
the habit of making a noise whenever
he is about to walk through the front
hall toward the front door or to the
staircase. II Mrs. Aarup is in the hall
or on the staircase when she hears
her husbands signal announcing bis
approach she withdraws until all dan.
! ger of having to face him has passed.
Il should think" said the court
that a stairway may be built from
that one bedroom. This will obviate
the defendants having to go through
| that part of the house occupied by the
rest of the family. An arrangement
may be made whereby they may have
, separate entrances. There might be a
separate stairway"
There was, however. another fea
ture of this complex problem which
the court was called upon to dispose
of I'm some way. Neither Mr. Aarur
nor his wife has any desire to remarry
! He is limited in his own home to two
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

BY dint of their combined exertions,
exercised alternately, the Honeybuds
had finally succeeded in wearing down
the opposition of the heir to all things
Honeybudian, and the infant was
asleep.
Mr. Honeybud dropped into a chair
and picked up the evening paper, read
ing mechanically:
THE cumbersome machinery by
which we elect our executives is hope
lessly obsolete and notwithstanding
the"
Here Mrs. Honeybud came back
from incarcerating the small captive
of Morpheus behind the bars of his
"cribby-bed" and observed: Rufus.
hasn't he the most wonderful tenacity
of purpose"
Wees, indeed" responded Mr..
Honeybud. without skipping word OF
the editorial:
notwithstanding the difficulties un-
der which the country labors-"
Hes sure to be great man, Ru-
fus. with such persistence
TO obtain a constitutional amend
ment, the Gazette-Sun is profoundly
of the opinion"
I'VE must pay particular attention
to his education, don't you Think"
''of the opinion that the antiquated
method of procedure established by
our forefathers, by which"
Where shall we send him. Rufus"
"Send?" said Mr.. Honeybud, abb
sently picking word out of Mrs
Honeybuds flow. What's the use of
sending? Why don't you telephone"
Rufus Honeybud, you haven't
heard a word of what I'm saying! /
am talking to you of the necessity of
sending our son to the right college,
"Oh, yes said Mr.. Honeybud. ma
king amends by throwing aside his pa
per. II know the very one
1T must be old and well-established
you know" stipulated Mrs. Honeybud.
This one is as old as our govern
ment," answered Mr.. Honeybud. and
was founded by such men as Washing
ton. Hamilton, Franklin and others of
their class.
is it's curriculum elective or pre-
scribed?"
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

HlCAGO. - In making an
announcement as above
from the bench, few days
\ ago, Judge Honore estab-
lished a unique precedent
for the disposal of divorce
cases.
Mr.. and Mrs. Aarup, like many other
mismated couples, were anxious TO be
freed from the matrimonial bonds
which held them one TO the other
Mrs. Aarup wanted the three children
Anna, William and Edward-and the
home they have lived in for many
years at No. 1909 Elizabeth street. Chi
cago. The house, together with the
land on which it stands, is the joint
property of Mr. and Mrs. Aarup.
Mr.. Aarup, on the other hand, is
willing to waive whatever rights he
may have to the possession OF their
three children. They can go with their
mother provided that the divorce is
granted.
All that he asked for-and this is
where the problem arose which Judge
Honore has ingeniously solved-was
the house at No. 1909 Elizabeth street.
The husband had several good reasons
for wanting to retain possession of
the house. In the first place, it be-
longs to him just as much as it does
TO his wife. In the secondhand most
mportant-place, it is his place OF
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

man. 81 will carry your offspring.
deem it my duty to help wherever |
may. Come to me, dear little one.
come to your Uncle Addison"
He held out his arms and the
woman, compelled by his authoritative
manner, handed her darling over TO
him. But the child was not inclined
to join in It's mothers acquiescence.
II uttered a wild cry and wriggled re.
belliously.
There, there" cooed Mr.. Spriggs.
"be not afraid. Your Uncle Addison
will not harm you"
Still the child refused to be con-
WINGED and in sudden desperation 1t
clawed his glasses from his nose, per-
hitting them to tumble TO the side
walk where SO worth of lenses were
Immediately and irreparably wrecked.
"Confound the brat" exclaimed Ad.
Olson Spriggs as he flung the child
back into it's mothers arms, take IT,!
People who bring children into the
world have no right to expect others
to be burdened by them"
Then he gathered up his nose-piece
and a fragment or two Of glass and
hurried on his way. Belonging to the
peripatetic school of philosophy, as he
did, he presently succeeded in walk
ing off his anger, and, oyertaking a
young woman who carried large box.
he CALAMITY decided to prefer assist
ance, having noticed before he spoke
,. her that she was fair to look upon.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

was three times the value Of duty re-
lating to the goods. How She ulti-
mately disembarked and satisfied the
revenue challenge she scarcely knows,
but when she readed her hotel and
Invested herself of her spoils she was
in state bordering on collapse. Only
once was the story unfolded as STIR
ring drama. That was transformed
into roaring comedy when a member
of her first audience rendered the in
formation that Great Britain has
levied no duty on lace for about half
century.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
FIND HOUSE WITH TUNNELS.
Discoveries Made in Razing an Old.
Time Cleveland Mansion.

Queer old secret tunnels, built GO or
of Cleveland's oldest residences to ar
tificial caves in the hillside above the
Cuyahoga river, have been discovered
in the demolition OF the old w. ].
Gordon homestead. The tunnels have
existed for decades unknown to PEG.
pie who have lived in the neighbor-
hold for so or 60 years. Romance and
mystery surround their early creation
and use and many quaint traditions
are connected with them. When
workmen began tearing the house
down many unexpected queer things
were discovered. 1t was found that
the house was divided into three sep
arate compartments and that it was
impossible to get from one section to
the other without going outdoors or
through one of the tunnels to the big
stone barn in the rear, where pas
sageways led to the other divisions
of the old house. Secret stairways
and hidden closets abounded through
out the building and were located on
every floor, secret cabinets being
found even in the garnet near chin
neys.
The old house was built nearly 70
years ago by w. j. Gordon, whole
sale liquor dealer for many years and
the man who later gave Gordon Park
to the city. The ground was terraced
down from the hillside to the shore
below, and on this hillside the tun-
nels emerged into outer light through
a big artificial cave, made with pieces
of rock fitted and slightly arched to
form a supporting roof.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

business. He has his office there, and
his business is such that If he were
compelled to move to another neigh
borhood it would mean considerable
loss of business and a heavy financial
loss as well.
Recalls Judgment Of Solomon.
The famous case of Biblical days In
which King Solomon rendered his de-
cision awarding the baby to the right
full claimant, it's own mother, pre-
sented no more puzzling problem than
that confronting Judge Honore. III he
were to grant Mrs Aarup an absolute
divorce and award her the custody of
her three children and the right to
retain possession of their home, 1t
was possible that a great injustice
would be done to the husband. On
the other hand, II Mr.. Aarup were
given the right to occupy the house,
1t would simply mean that Mrs.
Aarup and her children would have to
be turned out of a home which right
fully belonged to them. Neither hus-
band nor wife was willing to concede
up to Judge Honore to decide.
Before presenting his solution of the
problem the Judge gathered some de-
tails of the home life of the Aarups
from the time that the paths of hus-
band and wife began to diverge. He
learned that when they reached the
parting of the ways and Mr.. Aarup
l. 20 n Nfh h
er Mrs. Aarup gathered her three chill
dren around her and drew an imagin-
airy dead line across the house. BY
tacit agreement husband and wife re.
spected the dead line as far as posi-
BILE In a one-family house.
Mr.. Aarup's Office is on the first
floor, rear, and the room above is his
bedroom. Part of the front of the
house is rented out as a separate
apartment and is occupied by another
family Mrs. Aarup and her children
occupied two OF the upstairs rooms
the drawing-room and dining-room, on
che grouEs floor, and the entire base
Rent, where there are two large kitch
rs and laundry.
Housekeeping Arrangements.
The husbands meals were super
vised by his wife and served TO him
in his own office. If he wanted any
particular dish prepared for his ain
ner a note to his wife produced the
desired change in the bill of fare. HC
rent her money to meet the household
expenses and he made It convenient
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
siooest Parish the Most Sober.

In the biggest parish in England
that of Whittlesea-there was not a
single case OF drunkenness last year.
This is a record for the parish. which
COMPRISES 10000 acres. The popu-
lation is 5000 ans there are So Ii.
censed houses.
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
Carried los Babies to the Font.

At the village of Langdon, near Spills
by, England, there has passed away in
the person of Mrs. Ann Fletcher,
widow, the holder of a curious record.
She was known among the villagers as
The Century of Babies. This sobri-
quet was given her because she had
carried no fewer than 1OS babies to
be baptized Not one of them was her
own
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

sions of any in the country. In fact
it has sessions only quadrenially."
Rufus Honeybud,"
1T is called the Electoral college,"
Rufus Honeybud, do think you're
too bad! Here, I'm discussing the Sc
rious question of the education of our
son and you're just making fun
Making fun" exclaimed Mr.. Hon.
eybud. rs not our son destined to
be PRESIDENT"
"Of-of course" responded Mrs.
Honeybud.
We'll, then" concluded Mr.. Honey.
bud, triumphantly, its him for the
Electoral collegel"
Copyright, 1909. ny W. C, Chapman,
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
Which College for the Baby?
BY Edmund Vance Cooke.

Wholly elective, but most rigidly
prescribed"
1T isn't some horrid old business
college, said Mrs. Honeybud, sus-
piciously.
NO; but ii does the most important
piece of business the nation has to
do
Il hope the sessions aren't too long.
We don't want our son driven to
death with his studies"
This college has the shortest ses-
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

admitted the words were Greek to
them.
Besides the theater he built a nifty
shack called the Parthenon, that can
be seen distinctly by every mariner
engaged in that sartorial occupation
known as doubling the cape of Scum
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

ian. This cape has been doubled
so often that there are large cracks
in 1t where the creases come. 1t is
a beautiful cape, trimmed in passe-
menterie and Persian bands.
Pericles was the sort of chap that.
had he lived to-day, would have stood
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18
DECEIT THAT DIDN'T PAY.
Extreme Discomfort and Pain was En-
dured for Nothing.

Customs officials at an East Coast
port are discussing with much amuse-
Belding banner. (Belding, Mich.) 1889-1918, 1909-03-18

the process to get the desired
strength. DO not let the tea boil, as,
II 1t is too strong it will disorder the
stomach.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29

the Tag Day canvass was T big success and it is believed that a la'ge sum of money was donated during the day.
 Hundreds of ladies spent yesterday tagging every man, woman and child on the streets, in the stores on Das$- ing railroad trains, visitors at The hotels and employees of the vlr;ous industrial plants. No guilty man r.5- capped, said one of the ladies and gha expressed il correctly. Everybody seen on the streets wore tag and some men looked like walking era zy quilts with tags of various colors pinned all over them. It was the sec. ond annual Tag Day observed here and the proceeds of the days work will go toward paying for equipments and furnishings at the neW Davis hos ptal.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
C0NCRFSSMFN
 LIFT BOATS At Greenville and Will go to New Orleans by Rail Too Slow for Them.
TAFT AT VICKSBURG.
Makes Speech at Elk> Club Special Train Carried ConsrcS>mcn to
 Wick kShurg

Nicksbure, Miss, Oct 2S.=Presjdpnt Taft arrived here at 9:4O o'clock to- night, nearly seven hours behind the schedule He had intended taking a drive through the National Park but it had to be abandoned. Only a part of the program was carried out He made a speech at the Elks club. where he expressed chagrin that the scheG- ule of the fleet had gone aWry After leaving Helena last night Taft di- rected the Oleander to cut loose from the remainder of the fleet and steam at all haste to Vicksburs. When the slow boats carrying a part of the con- gressional deleg atons arrived at Greenville this afternoon those aboa rd debarked and took special train here arriving at 8 o'clock. They will prob ably continue by rail to New Orleans leaving the boats to follow.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
LOCAL NEGRO
 AFTER THE JOB J, N. Donohue, of This City, Wants Federal Position
 at Little Rock.
HE IS BEING OPPOSED,
Not Much Chance For Donohue Says Correspondent Gets the
 Endorsements.

Little Rock, Ark, Oct. 2S Special The contest between l. F. Bnsh Of this city, and J. N Donohue. of Pine Bluff, both negroes, for the office of receiver of the United States Land office in Little Rock, is no longer con sldered contest It is conceded by those high in Republican politics in Arkansas that Bush will receive the appointment practically without oppo- sltion. Bush has held the office three terms and his record has been clean. He has attended tothe office personal ly and every inspector has commented upon the accuracy cf his work, as we'll ahne is not seriously considered, his connection with the Unity Bank and Trust Co, of Pine Nauff, a new bank ing institution of which he was tho president and principal stockhoIder, which went up some time ago, leaving little for the many depositors, is work ing hard against him, On the other hand Bush has been indorsed by all the commercial bodies of this city, the banking institutions, every city, county and state official, and also all the federal officers He is having the indorsements bound fer the presenta- tion to President Taft
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
HOT SPRINGS WANTS
 M. P. & C. ROAD
Senator Hamp Williams Writes Hon.. John H. Hamilton That City Will Aid One Railroad Only.

Little Rock, Oct 2S.-Mena is stir red up over the possibility of Hot Springs giving the Memphis, Paris and Gulf bonus of $l0O,000 to build to that city, which would mean that a railroad project from Mena to Hot Springs would receive no aid from the eastern end of the line. A letter to John H. Hamilton of Mena, indicates that Hot Springs intends to do some thing toward securing railroad and that it can aid but one line The let ter follows:
 Hon. John H. Hamilton, Mena, Ark: f Dear Friend: One of the represen- tatives of the Memphis, Paris and Gull railroad, from Murfreesboro, was here yesterday and the executive board of the Business Mems League met with ing the bonus that we promised some time ago, and we are to see that we can do and let him know as quickly as possible.
 Now if you have anything tangible in other words if you can come to Hot Springs and say that of we will give you a bonus of so much. that you will
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
ARKANSAS BOY
 AMONG THEM Elmer Halter, Poor German Lad' to be Entertained by
 Secretary Wilson
IN WASHINGTON CITY
Won the Sweepstakes Prize in Corr, Growing tontest-Will Get Many
 COurteSies.

Little Rock, Ark, Oct. 23-Special
 Tine trip which Elmer Halter, the
 Conway lad who won the sweepstakes
 prize in the boy scorn club contest.
 which entities him to trip to Wash
 1ngton D C., will soon take, will be
 one of the most elaborate entertain
 ments ever extended to boy. This
 trip was made possible by a resola- ton suggested at the last session of
 the Arkansas Bankers association b. George W. Rogers, of this city, offerin.
 a trip to Washington for the winner
 of the sweepstakes prize at the corn
 contest of the state. The resolution
 was unanimously adopted and Supt. George B. Cook has been notified the
 assoc iation is ready to turn over the money for the trip whenever it is de,
 sired by the winner. There have been
 number of trips to Washington Of tered in the corn club contests in oth-
 CT states and the winners in all of
 these ba@3 been decided With so man -of the youthful corn growers ll' -fneying toward the> national cap 1tal, Secretary of Agriculture Wilson lcHe.conceiged the idea of entertaining sssNes 2ofs Il manner befitting boys who :. They dined such prominence in the 5 ahhq4uitlral world, but this could not 5e done with the boys stringing in one or two al time. For this req son he has taken the matter up with the officials who conducted the con tests in the different states in order to get the boys all there at the same time. If this is done Secreary Will son will personally conduct their tour over Washington and see they have all the side trips and courtesies which can be shown by Washington officials. Elmer Halter is ready to go at any time and H. s. Mobley, field repre- sentative of the agricultural .depart- ment, has telegprahed to find out the date the boys are wanted in Wash eipgton in order to start Halter off in t'me. Halter is member of a Ger man family living just out of Con- way, which captured nearly all the prizes at the Faulkner county fair. and number at the state fair held at S Hot Springs.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
FUNERAL OF w.
 QUINCY ADAMS

The funeral of the late w. Quincy Adams, formerly of this city who died at Greensboro, Ky, Wednesday night. will be held in that city this after noon at clock. The body will be inferred in Elmwood cemetery. Miss Jessie Adams and George H. Adams, of this city, who went to Owensboro several days ago and were with their brother at the time of his death will be among the Pine Bluff relatives at the funeral The Elks, of which MT. Adams was a prominent member. will attend the funeral in a body.
Pine Bluff daily graphic., 1909-10-29
NEW LAWS FOR
 THE CANAL ZONE

Washington. Oct. 2S.--Representa- tive Tawney, chairman of the house appropriations committee who sails November 5 for Panama, said the Mann bill providing new form of government for the canal zone will be passed at the next session. Inf0r- nation comes from Minnesota that endorsing the tariff had done neither himself nor Tawney any good