The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1909-09-30

deftly concocteG mixture of mint and
Bourbon that would set the stubbornest
tongue cavorting down through the
aisles of private history and prancing
back up through the corridors of other
peoples business.
"Gee, Colonel" said /, after round
or two, IL wish l was Rip Van
WinkIe."
allow so, sab ?" said the Colonel.
"Then," said 1, II could stay here and
snooze for twenty years If wanted
to-"
"Ah, then," said the Colonel, "you
could be present at two of our Golden
Jubilees. They are to be much more
enthusiastic than the ordinary yearly
celebration. But, my dear sah,'' and
here the Colonel held up two fingers to
the other Colonel behind the bar, 81
am mighty glad, sab, mighty glad that
you are going to honor us with your
presence at this our first Golden Jubi-
lee-the twentieth anniversary of old
Hank Bristce's DEATH"
"Gee," said 1 to myself, "was the
Colonel over there drinking that Eure-
ka Springs dope, too, or am 1 going off
into another trance" / hnmmed bar
from the Bohemian Girl, "Memory is
the only friend that grief can call its
own," and by the way, it's funny how
that line keeps arunning through my
head when am trying to recover from
a spell of lightheadedness. After l
had finished my humming tatooed
with my fingers on the table in rumi-
mating style. Figuratively speaking,
l was sparring for wind, but suddenly
1 determined to risk it all on one cast.
81 say, Colonel" said l, "didn't you
promise me day or two ago that you
would give me the exclusive inside his
tory Oh this Hank Bristoe AFFAIR.""
"Yessah, did, sab" said the Colonel,
sand with your permission will honor
myself right now, sab, by recOunting
the events as recall them.
81 am proud to inform you, sab. that
have been resident of the Pea Ridge
F.! District, in the Little Ozarks, for nigh
onto fifty years; wore Confederate
uniform and fit in the late unpleasant
ness, sab; l have travelled in Texas,
Mexico, Central America and other
foreign countries, and never in all my
experience have l encountered mole
disagreeable pusson than this same
Hank Bristoe. will venture to say,
sah, that he was the me nest man that
ever lived, sab, and l will back the ven
[ture with my reputation. Hank Bris-
toes meanuess was SO virulent that it
became contagious, consequently the
settlers of this neighborhood avoided
him as much as possible, but it con-
taminated his family and his live stock
and other creatures about his pusson.
His dog was that mean, sab, that ne
would bite hisse'f, so that he would
have something to yowl about. have
seen that cuss ed dog, sab, stand for an
hour and half behind vicious mule
waiting for the mule to kick him, so
that he could limp around and snarl.
And as for old Hank, guess he done
broke all the commandments so often
that it became monotonous. His wife
was sent to an asylum aud most of his
children committed suicide, but as for
old Hank hisse'f, it just seemed as
| though he would never let loose. Old
, Nat Powers lived away out yonder in
5 the hills, and one day he came into
, town and informed all the inhabitants
D that he had a cOncoctiOn which he
! called the Milk of Human Kindness.
= He said it was sure cure for all men,
o tai and bodily ills. And now mark
you, sab, that whosoever drank OF that
Q Milk of Human Kindness In good faith,
8 would be cured and smile and rejoice
% with his fellow men. We all tried Mats
n Milk of Human Kindness and it work ed
powerful fine, and there was much re-
. joicing in jeff Davis City for several
days. We all got to. feeling so good
n that we commenced to feel sorry fOT
those who were afflicted and could not
!" partake of the Milk of Human Kind
y ness. So one day Hi Williams suggest.
t. ed as how we all should take jug OF
K the milk and 60 out and pour some
# down old Hank Bristoe's throttle, and
Is the suggestion was unanimously adopt
- --1--.-----5 = 1920. :. = xL..