davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun., 1909-02-21

Just love TO play cards with a cranky hus-
band in the game. deed | do!'
When tho wife's chips are exhausted
and she has to buy another stack the
husband il privileged 10 enliven the short
halt by saying Isn't she the cutest little
continuous performance chip buyer in
North America?" Whereupon the wife
by way of rebate, is entitled to remind him
once more that at the last poker seance
she won $a.4 as, while he lost more than
twice as much as that. wheeupon the
husband says something about miracles
being bound To happen in spite Of the
devil and tho Dutch.
When his wife. holding three kings
pat. merely calls without raising the
opener, who has drawn three cards and
bet white bean, the husband, spread
ing out his wife's hand is entitled to tear
and claw at and tousle up his hair and TO
eXclaim, gancing around at all hands.
SAY, can you beat il? Can you match in
Canyon tie il? Great. amt it?"
Then, addressing his wife, the conven-
tional remark which he makes TO her in
such circumstances is: SAY what dye
think three kings are. piece o cheese?
Did you notice that the opener took three
cards? Well, then. Three kings were
pretty good then, weren't they. with
nobody else in but you and the opener?
How did you figure it? What was your
idea in not raising|
Whereupon the wife replies "Oh, let
me alone, won't you? Didn't have three
kings belten only little while ago."
To which the husband answers YES.
hut that was when five folks were play
ing. and two Of 'em, drawing one card
each, filled UP on you" The wife says
to that well, | just don't care one bit
had the three kings beaten and wasn't
going to raise on them SO there nowl"
WherGupOn the husband tousles up his
hair some more and grins around the
table in haggard. despairing way, and
once more the game proceeds.
Throughout the entire evening the hus-
bHGd keeps n ferret eye upon his wife's
discarded hands To ascertain whether she
is draw ing 10 inside straights. and when
finally he paws over the discard and finds
that she has drawn 10 an in the middle
straight he groans in agony and leaves
it 10 any fair minded person at the table
if that isn't sheer stark, staving insanity,
but the fair minded persons decline. TO
commit themselves, and the wife declares
that that was the very first inside straight
she'd drawn to. and she'd like 10 know
W hat ri ght he has 10 prowl into the discard
Grd look at her haEds anyhow. and thus
once more a cheerful little conjugal debate
is started. which aids in puncturing the
monotony of the proceedings.
When his wife. drawing three cards
calls the opener. who has stood pat and
bet the limit. the husband should. when
the opener lays down a pat full house
against his wifes pair of Jacks, glare al
her with greet intensity and ask her
If she is in need of medicine or anything
at all like that,
II. on the contrary, his wife, herself
holding three pat aces, fails 10 call the
opener, who rekes in the pot after having
stood PIT on pair of queens, the husband
/ should jump up from his chEir and stride
| over 10 the window and gaze out upon
the deep, dark, unfathomable night apc
The sun., 1909-02-21

two and started the machine again, and
/ then he gave tn" wheel a little twist and
sheered out from the curb, and then he
Strengthened out and LAID a course once
more down the avenue and opened her
up wide again, and once more we went
sailing to beat the band; and in minute
we shot around a corner and in minute
more we had come TO the house where
we were going, and there the chauffeur
did what | considered to be very nifty
thing. lie didn't drive right on straight
up TO the house as he was going but he
drove past little and stopped and
backed up and turned the cab around TO
bring it with the side on which was sit
ting next the curb so that could step out
and help the lady out handily.
Then ! says to him. Just sort or
oifhand, you know:
=" What time do You make 1t by your
clock?'
Don't you think that was pretty giddy
Of me, who had never been in an automo-
bile before? lie understood, and he
looks AT the meter and says
dollar seventy and ! forks over a
two dollar bill and says, viii you keep the
changer and he kindly consents to do
tina and then he says
i couldn't have got you more than
two blocks further and ] says is that
SO? What's the matterE' at tho same time
noticing a lptle cloud of steam coming
out Of the machinery.
Fan belts broke he says; and that
was a new one 10 me. II he'd said he'd
dropped his carbureter or wrenched his
clutch or blown out his spark plug might
have understood it, but the fan belt was
too much for me. or course | didn't
let on any Of that to him. just says to
him again:
is that so2' with great interest as
IL knew all about it.
Yes he. says, busted my fan belt
coming down.
We'll, how you going to get baokf'
/ says to him.
oh. that's nothing he says, I can
fix that in five minutes Then he went
at il.
Novelty, luxury, excitement. It's
The sun., 1909-02-21

strike the right note. Another small boy
doesn't ask il you will buy. but says
Here's your paper, boss.' and you take
it and pay all examples Of the power Of
personality and tho creed Of suggestion
Of which Joseph p. Day is probably the
most striking example in New York to-
day"
You learn by little further introduction
that Mr. Day is the banner scholar Of Mr..
kleiser that ne is, besides, the president Of
the Board Of Real Estate Brokers and
secretary TO the Tammany organization,
notwithstanding which handicap Mr.
Day has been able 10 make his way in the
world and has reached a pinnacle where
his services as auctioneer sre clamored
for wherever any sale OF Importance is
to be made
Mr. Days appearance after a strenuous
twenty-four hours work il in compliment
to Mr.. Kleiser. whom he considers the
greatest teacher of platform oratory in
the country. and he designs TO show how
it is possible by means Of that ordtory,
The sun., 1909-02-21

plumb insanity to draw to inside straights'
won't you?'
While receiving such advice the wife
is OF course at liberty to conduct herself
in any of several ways. favorite
way is for her to accept the advice in
subdued and whipped manner. without
uttsring a word in reply, thus gaining
the desired effect OF causing the guests
TO conclude that the husband is an un-
conscionable bully and a brute in his
treatment of his wife, not only in respect
of his attitude toward her in connection
with a sociable game of poker but in
all other respects.
Most wives however prefer to bride
up when receiving such advice and to
answer back with considerable emphasis.
Il wish you'd mind your own business
and let me play the way ! want 10, Is
one of the pet remarks OF this Kind OF
wives. Others say: well. | won %45
last time, and you lost twice as much as
that didn't you?' Still others say. j
guess you'll have all you can do to attend
70 your own game, Mister Fine Poker
Player"
These brisk replies on the part OF the
wife naturally precipitate n discussion
Ietxeen husband and wife, thus greatly
enhancing the common pleasure OF all
Al this stage of il too the husband may
anre,l 10 each OF the guests around the
poker table TO say whether ne is or
il not right as TO the character of the ad-
vice he is giving his wife relative to the
way she should play the game
This, OF course. puts all OF the guests
in turn in a difficut quandary. owing
10 the fact that they don't feel like de-
cidinp purely domestic matters OF that
cor, one yay or the other. and their only
course consequently in snch circufn-
stances is TO gaze refectively at the
ceiling and humble. , ,.
When play begins the husband shouiu
nav n great deal more attention 10 ms
wife's method OF playing her cards than
he does 10 his own game. When he no.
,;cas that she IL staying in many pots
and vet doesn't appear TO De abie 10 III
her hands he should begin 10 Dart tur-
,i,o scoyls at her-which the guests,
of course. are not supposed 10 see-ais'
to wrigCle around in his chalr'
Eran,Iently when his wife casts her
non-w inning hand into the discard the
husband should grab at the discard ana
haui ont her cards to ascertain what she
has been drawing 90. Then he should
sIam the cards back into the discard
r;th an mir OF the most profound dejec-
lion and disgust, and say TO her; -
su,hi Drew TO an Rce-kinR thing
chat time. didn't YOU? | wonder how
many million years it's going TO take me
10 teach Won that there's no law, viola
,;nr. 81 which arc punishable by death
81 tho strke. compelling you TO stick
rround in every handY A.
sTheres lots OF time, you know; no.
body's going TO run away. ioun se'
The sun., 1909-02-21

that he needs a more extended vocabulary.
but the majority of his hearers are with
him and the remarks in the gallery are
distinctly in favor of his sentiments.
One would judge that critics IL not un-
fashionable are at least unpopular. and
one feminine visitor who belongs to the
Thursday evening class but who always
comes to the Friday class to learn by
the mems mistakes gives II as her opin-
ion that nothing in this world IL gained
by being destructive rather than con-
structive and that TO her the very name
critic leaves bad taste in the mouth.
She also says that she has never heard
a worse speak er than the last and that
the trouble with him ia that his tongue
strik "a his soft palate instead of the
hard, by which she proves the superior
, ity of her sex to mere principle.
MIR. Bergstein rises when his name Ia
called to a tornado of handclappings
which are given less to the power Of per-
sonal beauty and forensic force than to
the choice Of his subject, which Is anti
suffrage. For a while one fears that the
whole three minutes allotted will be con-
sufneu IN applause. ana tnere IN appar-
emily not a single champion Of the votes
for women platform present.
Wearied at last. the audience leans for
ward breathless while Mr.. Bergstein pro-
oeeds to say with an originality and
breadth Of view that put to shame the
previous efforts that wen vimmin get
the vote we're will be nuttin' but politics
talk ed. We will have politics vor break
fast. vor dinner and vor supper"
He has, however a remedy. which,
The sun., 1909-02-21

TO chair, while a roar Of laughter breaks
the tense silence of reaction which comes
from these Demostheuian periods.
Mr.. kleiser then calls upon ono Of the
class TO speak and the member designated
rises TO his feet. He rises to nothing else,
for, notwithstanding Mr., Kloiser's ad-
monition TO be bold, he simply cannot
grasp the opportunity.
He turns several prismatio shades and
winds ono foot about the ankle of the
other, trying the homely recipe for en-
barrassment W hich from time immemorial
has proved efficacious. There are words
struggling for uttcrance and great
thoughts impending, needing only tc
break through the congoaling mass OF
embarrassment. He gives it up.
MIR. Kleiser is equal to the occasion, He
rises deftly to his patent feathers and
waves histrionic hand.
~You all remember how Mansfield
failed on his initial stage appearance, he
says softly. Recalling that instance
there is no reason why any one should
become discouraged OF that very natural
feeling Of hesitation which in my personal
experience has oft en- preceded the most
famous oratory. Look at Disraeli too
another example. When he first ad-
dressed the House of Commons he was
utterly unable TO find word Of the care
fully prepared speech with which he hal
expected TO leap into fame at the first
forensic bound.
The member for whom these famous
mon have served a. prototype regains by
degrees his natural color and stops loos-
ening his collar as il in that was the real
reason for his failure.
Mr.. Kleiser then reads a number Of
names. and the owners file in stately pro-
cession through the auditorium, up the
stairway 10 the stage and seat them
selves in an impressive row at the rear
Of the platform. where they are intro
dIced as the three minute speakers
The sun., 1909-02-21
RICH CHILDREN TOO
Declared by q kindcrSarten Teacher 10
Need Mission Effort.

Talk about the need for play instructors
in the Fairgrounds for the children Of the
roor!- said the leader of a fashionable
kindergarten. Il tell you there's n rea
need for play instructors for the children
of the wealthy. You sometimes read in
tract literature about the neglected chill
dren Of the rich, but never believed il
until l took up work here in this extremely
exclusive kindergarten.
aOnly the other day a little fellow was
brought TO us and all our teachers took
turns repeating nursery rhymes TO him
the whole day without finding a single
thing he knew That small boy had never
heard in all his life Of Mother Goose
or Jack, the Giant Killer, or any of the
fairy tale classics of childhood
As matter Of course We have TO teach
our pupils boys and girls alike, to tell
time. Their busy arents have not taken
the rains to show them how. Quite regu-
larry we find children even up 70 years
old who can't read a clock face.
Sometimes the home affairs take on a
humorous shape. One little girl always
dropped her reading book in the snow and
mud till we told her that she ought to
! get her mamma to cover 1t.
| well. III see what l can do. answered
| this world weary tot OF 7. but warn you
beforehand 'twont do any good.
Mammals never at home and Susan lher
mothers maid says she has all she can
do mending mammas clothes without
picking up after me-
However. there's one thing I'd like to
add" finished the play instructor 70 the
1 neglected children OF the rich, 'and that
| is that these mothers I've told you about
aren't either club women or sufagists
but are in almost every case bridge
whist fiends Any one who thinks ] eNag-
gerate the situotion can lend her services
in my school fH week and see for her
! self"
The sun., 1909-02-21
VENOHOUS FISH.
A Sting From the little Viewer often
Results In Much Pain.

FTOW THF HOsTHTHT
IL is curious that while 20 much has been
written in our language on snake bites there
has been comparatively little placed on
record concerning the stincs OF fishes.
Snake bites are rare in this country, but
fish stings are very common. especially
among fishermen and fishmongers. The
fishes that most often sting are the great
and little viewers. A prick on tho hand or
foot from a weever causes much swelling
and Inflammation.
II the arm is affected the Inflammation
may spread to the shoulder. the swelling
OF the whole limb being enormous The
pain is agonizing. the patient often falling
into a state OF collapse or becoming de-
lirious. Usually the Inflammation subsidies
in about three days. followed by dssaua-
nation.
The sun., 1909-02-21
HIS FIRST RIDE IN An AFRO
Mr. MacWhilkeroo and Ills Lady Take a
TaNIcah TO q Parry.

Strange as il may seem to you said
Mr.. cWhikeroo, Il never until last
night rode in an automobile; had ridden
once or twice in the Fifth avenue stages,
but bever before in regular out and
OUTER and now ! no longer wonder that
people go crazy over devil wagons.
This was ta1icab that we had and ii
was a stem winder. with calm but very
able chauffeur, who seemed to find JOY
himself in making things hum; and we
were going TO a party. she and |. down on
the East Side of town, and she lived up in
Harlem The party was to begin at 0
O'Clock and we we're to start at s; but IL
was $50 before we got away. ! noted
as we got aboard that the meter had al
ready hung up a tax OF half dollar for
waiting charges, but we didn't mind that;
and then the chauffeur cranked her up
and stepped on the box and gave the
wheel gentle twist and we were of
He took the corners very nicely. COM
ing in close and not losing any time in the
turn but rounding them without any jolt
or jar and Strengthening out elegantly;
and so we scooted around various corners
till we hit the upper end Of Fifth avenue
above the park.
Plenty Of people up there, you know.
street lined with small shops all alight at
night and always more or less people in
the roadway; and our chauffeur let her
slide when the road was clear, but with
his hand on the lever all the time. and he
slowed down for all the crossings and for
everybody we met between. but when we
got a little lower down on Fifth avenue
along the park. with few people abroad
and with streets coming in on one side
only he opened her up.
Then | no longer wondered why
people loved the auto. No clamping.
slow going horses out in front; nothing
to obstruct the view; we just sat there and
looked out ahead down the long. broad.
asphalt paved avenue; moved by an un-
seen power we swept on velvet tired wheels
down the avenue, silently, smoothly,
swiftly, picking up those lights faster
than you could count 'em. and gee! with
all respect to the lady beside mel 1t was
great! and we were going like that. just
fairly sailing when a mounted policeman
swooped down on us and our chauffeur
slowed down and then drew in noise
lesssly to the curb and halted!
sHeavensl Had we been pinched for
exceeding the speed limitl But when we
II had hauled in and halted by the curb
| like that our chauffeur stood up and
turned half around and opened the lamp
| on tho left hand side OF the cab and
scratched a match on the top of the meter
and lighted that lamp That's all the
trouble was, light out.
] then our chauffeur pushed lever or
The sun., 1909-02-21

say things about folks W no permit them
selves 10 be bluffed out Of their pelts,
whereupon the wife asks him how on
earth she was going to know that the
opener had stood pat on nothing but Il
pair OF queens, and the husband asks her
what the dickens she's playing in the game
at all for then.
At the end Of the evening. when at the
count up il is found that the wife is S.
ahead OF the game. whereas the husband
has sloughed Of all but two nickel seeds
of three five dollar stacks. the wife is
privileged TO say to her husband in
gloatful tone of voice:
There now. Mister Phenomenally
Scientific Poker Player. what do you think
Of my poor miserable game now?" And the
husband. casting vitriolic glances upon
her replies:
We'll all Of the guardian angels in the
business were fighting on your side, for
of all the anthropoid poker that ever ]
saw your exhibition was the worst
Thus the guests are sent away in a
blithe and lightsome frame Of mind.
The sun., 1909-02-21

IL you take your wife to a department
store" he asserts, "and den allow her to
pick out Won fine millinery. den you get
the votes you want, seer
Apparently MIR. Bergstein's views are
shared by the great majority, and the
applause Of his approach Is paralleled by
that which witnesses his retreat, IL IL
impossible to tell by Mr.. Kleiser's tactful
manner whether he believes in his heart
that the ants have winning card in
their recent champion or not. He touches
lightly on the criticism offered that Mr..
Bergstein's English IL not OF that simon
pure quality that some OF the speak ers
have offered but dwells on his sin noerity
Of purpose, his wide knowledge Of woman
kind and his chastened and conservative
creed
lie has last and winning card up his
sleeve. The introduction to this he pi of-
aces by some interesting remarks on
/ the power of personality and the creed OF
suggestion which business men are study
| ing to-day in order TO arrive more quickly
at their goal.
you can't accomplish anything with
out suggestion il you have a sale 70 make
In the world,' he Gays, "and who has not
sale? The lawyer sells his wisdom. the
broker his skill, the drummer his wares.
the doctor his experience.
"A man comes into my Office and says.
You don't want TO subscribe TO my maga-
zine suppose? | say No. do not
| hadn't thought until that moment that
didn't want TO subscribe. but he put the
idea in my head, Another man hands
me fountain pen and says Sign here.
and sign. and am sorry afterward.
Again the power 81 suggestion.
"A gamin is sucking q lemon by the side
Of German band and the trombone
player has to turn his back in order to
The sun., 1909-02-21
NAN And WIFE And POKER
! ND(I tBIE GAME ACCORDfNG
10 BiCHELOR'S CODE.
ilSm Conversation which VIII Amuse the
Older Guests While the Husband
Loses Three rive Dollar stacks, the
wife Quitting $3.50 10 the Good.

bacnelor who plays a lot OF what
4 called sociable poker at the apart
onts Of married friends has formulated
r. sort Of etiquette code for the guidance
~ husbands and wives who happen 10
'e sitting in the same draw In essence
lis code il IA follows
Before the game begins the husband
mould ask his wife in raucous tone:
say. are you going TO play?" and upon
be- responding Why, certainly ! ami
Which always is her response OF course
The husband should develop grump
sppg' it This contributes to the enjoy
men. of the guests who have been invited
10 psrtlcipGte in the sociable little game
u da.w and serves to give the evening
cer,aiu tone.
Inc husband is privileged 10 make
'1ch remarks on the subject OF his Crouch
as si,ay urcGr TO him. One OF his favorites
r "WrM. mans got fat chance TO
% ary good in poker game with wife
'Aa' u n,t her head of on two pairs and
oH -.."hody thGt's drawn three cards
'"e' -i." h'~ 4 pat flush.
N>r b"'prp tho game DeRlnS nc snOuIu
'lk" ras"s to- impress various points
. a.. garH" upon her. For example,
la ,rrId -av TO her nine or ten times
t"rd running. Now. looS a-here. won't
l"1' want TO impress this upon you:
Na'rn the draw. Watch the draw! Watch
he draH You know what l mean when
,aY ja-'. don't you? mean watch the
draw Keep your eyes open. Take notice
o' arv many cards people draw That's
lhe game, you know. The draw Is the
E'y 20 40" wnole business. So. If you
f.easr "atch the draw. won't you?'
~ wing this a great many times
and H-mg different terms and forms in
rAT"a''rg u the husband not only causes
MS Wl'e 20 make mp her mind then and
'here hat she'll play the game just as
>he pl"ase,, without any dictation from
anybody, but he lends an air OF cheer
'll'Hss 10 the occasion that it would be
uncut 20 oIaGgerate.
Nor"o"er. when all is set and the game
5 a.oI' to begin the husband should
nan over tho table im?Gle his wife with
ha,oiI glare and say 10 her; NOW
remember above all things that it's just
The sun., 1909-02-21
ORATORS BY TIE HUNDRED
MN iND WOMEN ~ TRAINING
,S ~ BLIC SPEikERS.
nrre Minute Bursts or Eloquence by the
Puplls of GrenNilIe kiciser's school
\ PrscticaI Demonstration or the
value az Oratory by Joseph p. DAY,

II has taken Grenville Kleiser some ten
Years ~ come to. the conclusion that
peopla ion't know anything at all about
sreaLlug ~ public. Twice week,
on Thursday and Friday evenings. he
srycs in the West Side Auditorium to
remedy this state Of affairs. The school
ia not a coed establishment, Thursday
evening being devoted to the elocutionary
needs or the fairer and Friday TO those Of
the stronger division Of humanity.
Mr. klciser himself. with a fine voice
and slight cold, deprecates the loss Of
many Of his cherished illusions in regard
TO the feminine class. According to his
statements. women do not take the same
interest when it comes to platform ad-
dresses and the cold criticisms Of com
parative strangers that they do wien in
Smyrna times., 1909-11-10
PRESIDENTS LONG
TOUR NEARLY ENDED
Will Arrive in Washington on
Wednesday Evening.

Augusta, Ca, Nov. 8. - President
Taft tried has hand again at golf Mon
day morning on the Augusta sand
green's" In the afternoon he opened
the Georgia-South Carolina fair. Short.
ly after this his train left for Flor
ence, S. C.
Only two more stops remain for
him after the Florence engagement
at Wilmington, N. c., and Richmond,
Va. The president will arrive at the
White House at $50 o'clock Wednes
day evening. but his stay there will
be brief. On the next day, Thursday,
he will take the road again on a brand
new trip-to Middletown and Hart
ford, Conn. A few days later he is
scheduled to visit Norfolk, Va, and a
little later he will speak at one or two
other places. 1t looks as if he would
be on the go pretty much until the
opening of congress.
The president attended service at
the church of the Good Shepherd at
Summerville Sunday morning. That
is the church that the president and
his family attended while they were
living here last winter, and Mr.. Taft
felt thoroughly at home there. He
knew most of the congregation, and
stopped to shake hands with them.