davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
TOLD ACROSS THE
BREAKFAST TABLE

Exit the mule" exclaimed the Jun
ior Medic
Sounds like the tragedy of fresh
man lawyer" announced the red-headet
''Soph" with the wart on his nose.
Not on your life" explained the
Medic" 81 am referring to the pro.
posed plan to mount the state staff on
mules at the presidential Inauguration
parade. 1t would have been a great ad
for the Missouri product, but the at
torney general kicked"
We'll. it was either he or the mules y
commented the Freshman.
Cheer up remarked the solicitor for
the Oven to his neighbor. seeing the
latter staring sadly out of the window.
Next year we'll have real Mardi
Gras."
It's not that" confessed his neigh
bor. I'm thinking about the agOnies
of those who failed in the Savitar con-
test. You know there are nearly hun
dred poems to choose from"
Take an optimist's view, and be
happy that you won't have to read
them ALL" advised the '-Soph.' reach
ing for the cream.
Il wrote a poem myself once.' said
the Arts student.
Il admire your courage in confessinc
it, replied the solicitor. What was
it about :"
1T was a little complicated" answer
ed the Arts student. Il don't think
you'd understand the motif. but at the
climax the hero and heroine Jumped
arm in arm. across bOttOmless
chasm"
"Oh. so it was spring poem," infer
red the solicitor.
Il don't know much about poetry"
unused the wag. but there is one sor-
did poem that has always strange
effect on me-
What's it called:" demanded the
Freshman
ode to Tailor replied the wag.
'olcmnly stirring his coffee
Him. thought something like that
would suit you.' finished the ''Soph."
with grin.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
THE VIRGIN IN JUDGMENT

The Virgin in Judgment" bv Ebeu
Phillpotts is an English novel. which
deals with a non-land-holding popula
tion. The characters all speak in dia.
lect.
RhOda Bowden was mapn;sb
though beautiful girl whose character.
istic traits We're an icy chastity. an
aversion for men in general. and an es-
pecial fondness for her brother David
who was the oldest child of LARGE
family. David, on his part. was fair
minded before everything else. He was
as unfeeling as his sister except for his
attachment to Margaret or Madpe
Stanbury.
Madge Stanbury. motherly. light
hearted girl. was neighborhood ideal
OF unselfish interest in other peoples
troubles. She returned David's affec-
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
JOHN RUSKIN.

Ruskin complained bitterly that as a
prophet he had failed to clucdate his
mission to his generation. He knew
that men read his books but he felt
that they did not follow where he tried
to lead. The results were too impercep-
tible to satisfy his passionate nature
Like most social reformers he was not
a sane sociologist. for he failed to see
that great changes do not come about
in one generation. In spite of his dis
satisfaction. Ruskin welded a greater
influence than any other teacher of his
age. He stood for naturalness. The
generation that now comes after him
yields him a more visible obedience
than did the people of his own time
He preached against tambOyance in
prose. in art. in architecture. and in
thought
1t is impossible to say how great an
influence Ruskin eNerted upon Ameri-
cans and American thought. 1t is GER
tain that his words on architecture
must have sounded revolutionary to
our countrymen of that crazy-quilt and
gingerbread house age. 1t is probable
that he had much to do with bringing
about the simplicity of our present
style of architecture. He attacked the
shams of religion Just as every good
Christian attacks them. but he succeed
ed only in getting himself called all
sorts of names. He directed impassion-
ed appeals against machine-madp vul-
garties. He taught that to work hon
orably and thoroughly is the best of all
religions. He bitterly denounced the
abnormal conditions of the factory
towns. He did better than his master |
Carlyle, for he at least suggested rene
dies. He especially desired for one
thing-that every laborer should have
garden.
Through his English prose he was
able to represent in groups and masses
the conditions of English industrial
life. Though he cried out that he had
failed because men were not his abject
disciples. he preached fervently that ev-
cry man should be his own master
And that is what he helped men to
become.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
THE EMPLOYER
AND THE TYPIST

Councilman Hi Gill advertised for a
stenOgrapher some time ago. and the
morning certain young lady applied
for the position at his office he was in
Il rotten frame of mind. Hence the fol
lowing conversations:
| Munich chocolates!' he asked.
No. sir
Talk slang?"
No, sir"
Make eyes at fellows when you're not
busy!"
No, sir"
Know how to spell such words as
cat and dog cOrrectly?"
Yes, sir"
Gossip through the telephone half a
dozen times a day."
No, sir"
Usually tell everybody who comes in
how much the firm Owes!"
No, sir
He was thinking of something else to
ask her when she put a spoke in his
wheel.
DO You smoke cheap cigars when
you're dictating!" she asked.
"Why-er-no,' he gasped
Take it out on your stenographer
when you've had a row at home and
got the worst of it,"
Certainly nO-nOt."
Throw things about and swear when
business is bad:"
''N-never'
Go for your employees when they
get delayed on a street car in the MORN
ing!"
No. indeed
Think you know enough about
and punctuation to appreciate
a good typist when you get one:'
"I-think-so."
Want me to 60 to work. or is your
time worth so little"
Look here, by Gawd. madam" broke
IN Iii. lust hang up your things and
cts get at these letters"
The stenographer has been there ever
'ince. and the foregoing conversation
ook place more than year ago.-Se-
title Argus.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
TROPHY CUPS.

The action of several of the members
of the faculty of the University of Mis-
souri, in offering trophy cups to the
winners in series of contests in drop
kicking. punting. place-kicking. tack
ling and forward passing. should re-
ceivc the commendation of every LOYAL
student and professor in the Univer-
sity. II should do more. 1t should
encourage every athlete who expects to
come out for the team next fall to be-
GIN at once systematic training in
some Of the events for which the men,
ber> of the faculty have offered the
cups.
For several years one of the strong
est criticisms of the Tiger football
team has been that the players were not
proficient in the finer points of the
game. Missouri has had no expert goal
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
Reflections of a Bachelor.

One touch of fashion makes all wom
en- freaks.
When a man has good disposition
it's because he's afraid of his wife.
The only thing experience teaches is
that it isn't worth anything after YOU
learn it.
It's rude to stare at a woman. but
its positively insulting to act as if she
were not worth staring at.
A girl can have more happiness sleep
ing with mans photograph under her
pillow than he can spending slOOO0.--
New York Press.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
DONATES BOOKS
ON JOURNALISM

7. WEST GOODWIN, of the Sedalis
Bazoo, has placed with the Univer
~ sity library for the use particularly
of the students of the Department o.
Journalism, some valuable volumes OF
newspaper making, of which the fol
lowing catalogue has been prepared by
Librarian Severance:
American Art Printer. V. 4-6. 3v.
American Newspaper Reporter, 1871
y, 1875. 2v.
American Printer, 10000, V. 80, 80.
80. sv.
American Printer Journalist (Supp. v
H. lv.
American Printers Specimen Ex.
change, V. 4, lSS9-9O. lv.
Arkansas Press Association Proceed
ings, 1894. lv.
The Artist Printer, 1890. lv.
BOOkmaker, V. Z, 9, 10. lv.
BrOckway. Fifty Years in Journalism.
lv.
Country Editor, V. 4-6. lv.
Fame. 1928. lv. e other papers
bound in.)
Fourth Estate, V. %. lv.
Illinois Press Association, Proceed
ings, 1880. lv.
Inland Printer, V. SIS. 6v.
The Journalist. 1883. 4v.
Missouri Editor, V. l-3. lv.
Missouri Press Association. Proceed
ings, lS67-S4, $3.50. 2v.
Montana Press Association, Proceed
ings, 1885. lv.
Nathan, How to Make Money in the
Printing Business. lv.
National Editorial Journalist, V. 6.
1889. lv.
\. +. A. lst Decennium. V. l. lv.
tAmer. Travel, Journalism and Biog.)
National Journalist, ls9O-93. 4v.
National Printer Journalist, V. s, H.
q. lS9ll9O4. l2v.
Newspaperdom, 1892 1905. V. l-3. 7-l5.
llv.
y. y. Press Association, V. 25. lv.
Paper and Press, lSS7-92. misc. nos.
lv. Contains also National Publisher
and Printer, 1890, and st. Louis Sta
toner. 1889.
Press and Printer, 1912.
Printers Circular, V. 3-4, sc. 9-lO, H.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
UNIVERSITY CALENDAR

Feb. 26. "Pan-American Night" by the
Cosmopolitan club, 7:3O p. m
wOmen's parlOrs of Academic
Hall.
Mar. 4. Social Problems of American
Cities, DIR. I. J. Riley.
Mar. 5. Elks' Benefit, University Audi
tOrium
Mar. III. The Relation of the Physician
to the Public and the Public
to the Physician, DIR. A. w.
McAlester.
Mar. Is. The Positive Value OF Doubt
Dr. c. NJ. Sharpe.
Mar. %. The Outlook for Christian
Civilization in South America.
Mr. S. Perry Wilson.
Apr. l. Does American Law Embody
the Spirit of Jesus, DIR. w. w.
Elwang.
Apr. s. The Position of the Educator
in the Promotion of Social
Uplift, Dr. A. Ross Hill.
Apr. Is. The Political Outlook in Rus
sia, DIR. IsidOr Loeb
Apr %. The Church Outlook in Rus
sia, Rev. NJ. A. Hart
Apr. 90. How far do the Teachings of
Socrates, Confucius, Buddha
and AIohammed Agree with
the Sermon on the Mount, DIR.
W. J. LhamOn.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
SUCCESS OF
AN NJ. u. "CRAD''

A writer in the Huntsville (MO)
Herald has this TO say. in part. about
Jacob II. Nulf. a recent graduate of the
Law Department of the University of
Missouri:
This story has nothing to do with a
warrior bold who flOurished years ago
when knighthood was i'm flower" but
is plain uniapalaced account of boy
who was born some twenty-five years
ago in a log cabin i'm Macon county not
far from the edge of Randolph. and
who made the first start toward get
ting an education at the Christman
District school in Randolph county
southeast of College Mound about
three miles, his parents having moved
to this county when he was about sew
en- years old.
''He was slender. delicate looking
little fellow at this time. and he don't
have to diet himself from taking OH
flesh at the present, but is as full of
energy as stick of dynamite. and
energy is what counts when one is out
for the coin. Having absorbed all the
knowledge Obtainable at the Crisman
school he entered the high school at
CarrOlltOn, Mo-. but was obliged to re-
turn to his home i'm few months on
account of an accident to his father,
who was coal miner in the employ
of the X. & T. Coal Company. The
injury his father received proved to be
permanent one and during the two
succeeding years the boy attended Me-
Gee Holiness College, where he went
by the name of Henry Clay on account
of the marked OratOrical ability he
manifested when discussing questions
before the College Lyceum In 1905 he
entered the law department at the Uni
versity of Missouri. While there he
worked the greater portion of his way |
through school. As side study to his |
law studies he took up literature and |
a number of academic studies. Last
year while in the law department he
carried more work than any other stu
dent in the department. His gradua-
ton was an entire surprise to parents
and friends as they understood he was
not to graduate that year. and he left
he University with reputation sec
md to none i'm a debate.
On the seventh of last July he hung
his shingle out in Moberly as an at
and soon became engaged
cases for injured miners.
-ately he had legal scrap with firm
of two of the best LAWYERS
n Central Missouri. and obtained for
lis client Judgment of 81 225 and last
week received check for that amount.
lie is also secretary of the Moberly
Retail Merchants association" {
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
King Edwards Youngest Grandson.

The little boy who is spoken of as
having string to King Edward and
leading him thereby. is his majesty's
Youngest grandson. Prince John, son of
the Prince of Wales and the former
Princess Mary of Teck. affectionatcly
known as Princess May"
The little boy was born at Sand
ringham. the kings own country seat
and he will be years old on July l2
He has the run of Edwards apartments
and is even permitted to enter the
state library. where the king works
with his secretaries ard ministers
Prince John is credited with frequently
making up quarrels between grandpa
and grandma" and is beloved by all in
the palace.-New York Journal.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
Football VS.. Prayer.

Willie, aged five, was taken BY his
father to his first football game. The
feature that caught his chief approval,
however. did not become evident till he
said his prayers that night. To the
horror of his parents Willie prayed
with true football snap:
God bless papa.
God bless mamma.
God bless Willie:
Boom. Rah Rah."
X. A. D. in Success.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
@LITER A r Y ~ ~

tion in kind. So. in spite of his bav;n,
had the misfortune to see white r.h
bit in the woods not long before hi.
proposal, and in spite of some old wom.
ems fancies of similar nature tbor
were happily married.
Rhoda soon followed her brother and
lived in his childless home for Soma
three years. During that time. she was
even more intimately associated with
him in his work than was his wife
Madge had lifelong playmate and
friend named BARLEY Crockrr. whose
nature was very similar to her own
Before her marriage, he had been half.
heartedly in love with her. and after If
he became much attached to her sister.
in-law Rhoda. Through his needless.
ness, he had incurred Rhoda's especial
disfavor so that his suit gave little
promise of success.
Madge and BARLEY frequently plot.
ted ways of bringing Rhoda to think
more favOrably of her lover. Their
plans were known to the ever busy Da.
vid but unknown to Rhoda herself.
At first, Rhoda merely questioned the
intimacy of her brothers wife with
BARLEY, but later she became suspi
cious of it and since she could not 90
to her brother with her suspicious she
was without a cOnfidant. She began
to spy upon the meetings of the two
and their actions naturally tended to
confirm her suspicious. Finally she
made general charge of dishonor
against BARLEY. He did not understand
her charge, but determined to drop his
suit and 90 alone to Canada.
While David was away from home.
RhOda accused Madge of being unfaith-
full to him and of encouraging Bart
ley's las she said) pretended suit in
order to have him near herself NIadge
protested her innocence and. to get
away from her accuser. left home. She
saw from distance the de-
parture of her friend for America.
Knowing the influence which Rhoda
had over her husband she feared to 90
hack home. She wandered about until.
mentally by dread and lone
|iness and physically by hunger and ex-
pOsure, she drowned herself. On re-
turning home, David understood the
whole matter and drove Rhoda from his
nome.
The tragic ending of the story is
alleviated by vein of
Nierdness and superstition which comes
% an end in Madge's DEATH The story
would be better if it were told i'm go
instead of $50 pages. The frequently
whole pages of description
night well be left out. Not that it is
lot good description: it is good. but
what's the use of it? For instance.
m the opening pages. more than two
'ages of high sounding phrases are
lsed to describe what is called an in
arnate simplicity" Why not use
ouple of simple sentences to describe
simple thing and be done with it.
The Virgin in Judgment" Moffat
Ward and Company, New York. Sl.5O.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
RIGHT TO MEANS OF LIFE

| PEAkING to the City club of the
=. problem of the unemployed. Mr..
j. V. c. karnes of Kansas City
uttered the same thought that Keir
iardie. the Socialist member of Par
Lament, brought as part of his mes
sage from the Progressives of Great
Britain to the people of America. In
New York recently. Mr.. Hardie said:
"The state must establish the riobt
OF every man and every woman who is
able to work to have the means of
working placed within their reach. The
right to work Is the right upon which
the right to live is based If the state
undertakes to protect the right to live
1t must carry the doctrine to its logical
conclusion and place the means of life
within the reach of every citizen"
1t is wholly immaterial whether that
doctrine is Socialistic or not. 1t is plain
common sense whoever enunciates 1t.
VII. harnes places the reason for such
rule upon the police power of the
state tor municipality to protect it.
self from dangers And idleness of in
divlduals, whether enforced or volun-
tary, Is danger to society.
lhe broadening of the social vision
Is a mOmentOus fact of this time. Peo-
PIE are not afraid now to have the com
munlty do well what individuals can
only do poorly. if they do it at all.
Inc other day Governor Hadlev of Mis-
Sour' said that the theory that that
government is best which governs least
mas been superseded by the knowledge
mat that government is best which
governs most. when the government is
'apably and honestly administered An
''her speaker to the City club. Mr.. Wal
ler L. Root, declared that in the com
petition of American MUNICIPALITIES
powerful advantage would lie with the
icy That was most efficient in providing
or all classes of its citizens. Com
nunities are not content Tn I..vo ,b.
emedy of destitution. unemployment
md similar social ills to the ministra-
ION OF haphazard private charity. Such
c'i''tles are recognized as the function
II society itself, as are the deeper social
ctivltles for preventing the need of be-
e'oienee and the exercise of police
ower.-Kansas City Star.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
More About Phi Beta Kappa.

| MUIc ABOUT ful O6td Adppo.
To the Editor Of the University Missourian:
One who is uninfOrmed as to the
university life would imagine that
scholarship is no longer at par and
that Phi Beta Kappa material lacks
influence among the student body. This
is untrue. The student who stands
high acquires through his ability to
aid others circle of influence far wider
though sometimes less conspicuous
than that of anyone engaged in some
single phase of work. 1t was probably
in the minds of those who made
changes in the eastern schools to wild
en- the sphere of activity of the Phi
Beta Kappa students, and not to de-
prive them of honOrs which should 90
to general ability alone.
The complaint that the majority of
the recent members in the society here
have been women is unworthy. Cannot
a woman exercise an influence upon
the constantly growing number of Co.
eds as far-reaching and as well worth
while as any work done among the
men? With the desire of the society
to widen the sphere of influence of peO-
pie of a stamp fit to wear its hOnOrs
the writer has no quarrel; but those
who would criticise it or its candidates
as guns" or ''grinds" should remember
that the former are not responsible for
their gifts. that the latter are perhaps
''grinds'' by choice--but not ''drudges"
and that thorough investigation of
the high grade students will reveal qui-
ct circles of influence wider and far
more lasting than comes with the
short lived fervOr of the athletic field
or the popular speech. These things
are good: but they are no indications
of general interest or lasting influence
in things necessary to student life.
+. f. c.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
Water on Mars.

Professor Percival Lowell announces
that spectroscopic proof has been OBJ
tanned of the presence of water on
Mars. This would seem. according to
the Scientific American. to settle once
and for all mooted Martian question
in LOwells favor.
University Missourian., 1909-02-25

War; Come, wake up, old man."
Death: Let me rest awhile. I'm
ust back from Messina.",Rire
University Missourian., 1909-02-25
VIEWPOINTS

(The University Missourian invites contri-
buttons. not to exceed 200 words. on matters
Of University interest. The name of the
writer should accompany such letters. but Will
not be printed unless desired. The Cnivef-
sity Missourian does not express approval nor
disapproval of these communications BY print
ing them.)
Bisbee daily review., 1909-02-10
ROOSEVELT Is | CALLED BY CHINESE
Six Companies Direct His At tention to Discrimination in
 Fayr of JapS

SA NFRAECISCO. Feb. 9.-In elegraphic communication addressed to President Roosevelt and sent to- lay by the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association, better known ls the Chinese Six companies. the at cntiOn of the president is called 10 .ertain instances wherein it is af- rnlsd that tae executive department as sought for Japanese residents of California. many rights and privileges he Chinese have long been denied part it says:
 We beg leave to refer you Mir resident, to the fact that there are 'iscriminations in favor of Japanese liens as against Chinese citizens, csidents and privileged classes in his country. Such discrimination is sry apparent from the fact that the department Of commerce and labor, governed by the policy of your admin 'srratiOn, imposes upon citizens of Chinese descent, domiciled Chinese merchants and their families, priyileg- -'7s7ae nf Chinese under the treaty, every conceivable embarrass- ll. ,... eAicG Is in no way offered by Japanese.
 We appeal to you, Mir. President, to right the wrongs suffered by Chinese of Reno, state of Nevada.
Bisbee daily review., 1909-02-10
| CHARITY COMMITTEE | NEEDS MORE MONEY
Should Be Sent At Once, Sey- eraI Needy eIieved-Per-
 manent Officer Needed

4 meeting Of the charities commit tee of the Bisbee Board of Trade was aeld yesterday morning at the Y N. C. A. Several cases of destitution were reported and afforded temporary relief, and the statement made tha, what the committee needs just now are contributions of cash from th,. charitably inclined citizens of the district. Payments should be made to c. K. Reynolds, secretary or the Board of Trade.
 The committee has decided that in order to handle the work properly it will be necessary to secure the ser vices of some one to devote his whole time to the work. Two or three have already offered their services free of charge until some one competent and wiling 10 do the work can be em- ployed on a salary.
 The impression throughout the camp seems to be that the move made in forming a united charities associa- ton was one that will not only maze contributions go further, but will call out more liberal contributions be- cause Of the precautions taken to see ta2t all charity work is worhily be- slowed.
Bisbee daily review., 1909-02-10
SMELLS ARE
 BROUGHT INTO FRISCO COURT

SAN FRANCISCO. Feb. g.-Cou- yinced that flor ways that are dark and tricks that arc vain.' the pecu- larities of Bret Harte's immortal -ieathen Chinee," are as nothing compared to the wiles of Ah Sam. a local Chinese. 300 representative of San Franciscos clubdom. men and women, Lhronged Judge Deasy's court today in answer to subpOenas served at the request Of the aforesaid Mon gOlian.
 The courtroom looked as though the judge was giving an afternoon tee
 There were members from every exclusive" club in the city present. ma ds and matrons from the wo- mems organizations, and welEgroOm- d celebrities of masculine clubdom. all much agitated by the predicament in which they found themselves.
 An Sam is clubman himself. By night he directs, as president, the ar- fA.rs of the Asiatic club in the Chinese quarter. and by day he presides over free lunch counter in a down town saloon.
 Several nights ago the police raid eJ the Asiatic club and took An Sam ard several elubmates 10 jail on .