The Wisconsin tobacco reporter. (Edgerton, Wis.) 1877-1950, 1909-09-17
PILLINGTON'S
PATENT
Copyright, by J. B. Lippincott Coz
BY Amos r. Wells

and MRS. PllllngtOn was the SUBJECT
of womens inventiveness-or nom
inventiveness, rather. Piilington
prided himself on his mechanical
genius, and was always fishing for an
acknowledgment of 1t from his wife;
but she, mindful of house numbered
from attic to cellar with futile con-
trivances, observed always q grim
silence.
One day, as Mr.. Pillington was ex-
patiating on his favorite theme, Mrs.
Pillington CHANGED to be feeding the
baby with nursing bottle.
81 WISH" she remarked. that with
all mems superior inventive ability,
they would contrive good way to
feed baby"
Pillington's interest was at once
aroused.
Nov. that's just like woman!" he
exclaimed. Here's a field peculiarly
hers. Here's something forced on her
attention from the days Of Eve. And
yet I'll warrant that every patent
nursing bottle In the world was in
vented By map."
Il should thira SOL" sighed Mrs. Pill
lington.
well, what's the matter with emf"
he inquired.
Matter? Everything You can't
keep them clean. The hole gets
cfogged up with shred Of cloth. II
you make 1t larger, the baby gets the
milk too fast. If you keep the air out.
1t collapses and the baby gets nothing.
If you let the air in, the baby gets the
collie. Oh, they're horrid!"
'Lemme see it," and Mr.. Pillington
looked critically at the nursing bottle.
Maria Pillington, day after tomorrow
I will show you what a man can do.
Evidently this thing was some wom-
ans maneshift."
For two days the inventor was mys-
teriously silent, though sagely observ-
ant at baby's feeding-time. On the
second evening he brought to his wife
with an air of triumph. marvellous
affair.
What is it," she asked.
"Pillington's Patent Feeding-Bot-
tle!" replied her husband, proudly.
''Pve filled it. You try it."
Mrs. Pillington examined the appa-
ratus suspiciously.
Whats this big bulb for?"
THAT. madam, is to clean it with
force the water in and out by suction;
also to force the milk into the mouth.
Now, no woman would ever have
thought of that"
81 agree with you," remarked Mrs.
Pillington, dryly. "And what's this
brass arrangement in the neck?
Isn't 1t part of some gas fixture?"
EYES," Mr.. Pillington admitted, un-
willingly-"yes, temporarily, 1t is.
But that's the great point. You see
this screw? Work 1t out, and you en-.
large the orifice; screw it in, and you
diminish the flow of milk. Beauti-
fully simple, and yet no woman would
ever, have thought of it. Now try it
on the baby"
"Never!" shrieked his wife. What!
poison his little froatsy-toatsy with a
horrid old brass gas machine?" And
she embraced Pillington, Junior, pro-
tectingly. Besides, how do you know
it'll work? Have you tried it?"
mo need of trying it," replied the
inventor. IF you had a mechanical
mind you would know it would work
just by looking at it. Gimme the
baby"
81 WON'T" shrieked Mrs. Pillington.
TRY your horrid contraption on your
self first 1 don't believe you could
suck a drop through it,"
'I'll show you.' said Mr.. Pillington,
f1ercely "You see where the milk
is?"
Yes, Mrs. Pillington saw.
Then her husband tipped back his
head, bottle in the air, and began
chewing the rubber neck. He grew
red in the face. Evidently he was
getting nothing.
''It-it-doesn't seem to come, some
way" he confessed, at last.
ANY air-hole in it?" asked Mrs.
Pillington, kindly.
"Air-hole? What'd I want of an air
hole?" gasped her husband ooh, yes!
1 have it. Gimme that knitting needle
Forgot little point" And Mr. Pill
ington jabbed a hole in the rubber
tube that joined the bottle with the
section of the gas jet.
"But isn't that an air-hole?" Mrs.
Pillington ventured to ask.
'Air-hole nothin' It's ventilator
Now I'll show you how to use that
screw and bulb. Observe"
Mr.. Pillington threw back his head
once more, and this time to some pur-
pose. Whether 1t was the knitting
needle, or the screw, or the big bulb,
no one will ever know; but with the
inventors first satisfied swallow the
brass broke away, and in one wild
squirt pint of milk flew into Mr.. Pill
lingtOn's face and down his shirt
front.