The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-05-26

generation. 1t was too old fashioned
to last. Today chen de Guild man
libin' III a pole cabin Eve miles from
anywhere am expected to hum de lat
est operate airs and drop French
words now and den.
Faults Of Brother Jones.
"Befo' us we're tonight am Brudder
Giveadam Jones. He am one Of dose
who has put de simple life behind him.
To keep pace wild de world he must
have linen collars. a red necktie, cuffs
and buttons. and dat diamond pin of
his nebber cost less N IS cents, He
uses hair lie: he wears blue suspend
ers: he pays Is cents for his socks. At
home he has a cane and q plug hat
for Sunday use. He hain't happy; he
can't be happy. He simply has to do
desc things to keep up wild de process
sion. If he should fall back eber so
leetle he would be a goner.
"BefO' us also am Brudder Samuel
Shin. I know fur a fact dat he hung
to de simple life as long as he could
and only glib in when he found de
pressure too much for him. Last week
I bought some shirts for 4S cents each
at a bargain sale. Brudder Shin has
to pay a dollar apiece for his. De So
ciety in which he moves don't counte.
nance bargain sales. Fur 81 I kin buy
at a secondhand store a coat dat de
governor Of de state has got tired of
and cast aside. l kin put on dat coat
and do q heap Of swellin' around On
Sunday, but Brudder Shin dasn't try
it on. II some one recognized him in
de governors secondhand coat he and
his wife would take such a tumble in
society dat you would feel de jar five
miles around.
"Ober by de stove sits Brudder
Whitewash Johnsing. l knowed him
in de old days. when de simple life
was good huff for him. He had no
aims or ambishuns to worry him. He
jest worked and ate and slept and was
happy. If he found a cokernut in de
road he had a feelin' Of bliss fora
month afterward. At length de new
way Of libin' took hold Of his wife.
He hung out fur a good while, but he
had to glib in at last. His wife want
ed a cuckoo clock, a red plush sofa and
a rug wild a tiger on 1t. She wanted
to 60 to de theater. and she wanted
lobster salad befo' goin' home. She
wanted pin heeled shoes and her Dress
es fitted by a man. WAL, she's got all
desc, but do you reckon Brudder
Whitewash am any happier fur it? 1
saw tears on his cheeks half an hour
ago. and l have no doubt dat he was
thinkin' Of how he would have to 60
home and drink wine and eat sweet
cake befo' retirin'.
Let us not Overlook Brudder Way
down Bebee. He hung to de simple
life until a year ago. He used to come
ober to my cabin and talk about'it and
say he nebber would glib in. But he
had to at last, as l predicted. His
wife and two gals pecked at him till
could stand it no longer. He had a
leetle money saved up for old aige and
was dom fairly we'll at whitewashin',
but his family insisted dat he go out
of de biZness fur DER sakes. He had
go and git his finger nails manicured
befo' dey was satisfied, and den fol-
Tered a cane, a plug hat and patent
leather shoes. He gin up his cabin
fur a flat, bought a pianner fur his
gals. and de hull caboodle of 'em 60 to
de theater one a week. When l called
at his place de odder evenin' on bust
l had to send my card up in adj
vance. When l got inside l found gilt
paintings. statuary and prayer
rugs lynn around loose everywhere,
and Mrs. Bebee and dem gals was SO
strained up dat l expected to hear
sunthin' bust cherry mint.
6ebee an Unhappy Man.
Make no mistake, my frens. Brud-
der Bebee am not a happy man.
He's got to appear at a soiree some
whar one night next week, and he has
got to look like de owner Of de Union
Pacific railroad. but if de case was put
to him he'd tell you dat he would a
heap rather come down to my cabin,
slip off his coat and shoes and sot dere
and eat raw turnips wild me and feel
dat he had got back to natur'.
II told you in de b%eginnin' dat l
wasn't goin' to criticise. l haven't. l
have simply held up some pictures to
your gaze. If you like dis newer way
Of libin' it hain't fur me to find fault.
l reckon de good L.awd put us yere to
lib. bout as we wanted to. and if you
want clawhammer coats and lobster
salad OATS fur you to say. My old
woman has lately taken to wantin' u
blue parlor set and a clock wild a Cupid
on top, and dere have been reports dat
I wah gibin' in to her. l brand 'em as
De simple life fur me while l
lib. and dar will alus be pumpkin pie
and a glass of buttermilk fur any
member of dis club who draps in of an !
evenin'. Let us now go our devious
M. QUAD.