Daily Arizona silver belt., 1909-01-13
The Imitation of
 The Drummer Man
fcontributed by F. D. Smith


 From lodge of the holy St. Johns, Michigan.
 What seek you here to dol
 To take few orders and collect bill of Bilson.
 Then you are drummerf
 am so taken and accepted by all the boys.
 How may I know you to be drum merf
 By my cheek and my fifty pound sam. pie case Try me.
 How will you be triedf
 By the squar.
 Why by the squars
 Because the squar is magistrate and ian emblem of stupidity. Where were you first prepared to be q drummers In my mind.
 Where next2
 In printin office adjoinin' regu lar post of drummers.
 How were you preparedf
 By being divested of my last cent, my cheek rubbed down with brick, bunion plaster over each eye and heavy sample case in each hand. In this fix I was conducted to the door of the post.
 How did you know it to be a door, being blindf By first stepping on coal scuttle and afterward pumping my head against the door knob. How gained you admissions By benefit of my cheek. Did you have the required cheeki had not, but Steve Sears had it for me. How were you receivedf On the sharp toe of boot, applied to my naked pants. What did this teach youf Not to fool around merchants wives and daughters. What happened nexts was set down on cake of ice and asked if I put my trust in mercantile reports. Your answerf Not if l know myself, l don't. How was you next handleds was put straddle of goat made of a two by four and trotted nine times around the room by four worthy broth. CTS and then brought in front of "'Ku- beb, the left Bower" for further in structions. How did he instruct youf To approach the consumer in three up right regular steps, with my business card extended at right angles and my arm forming square. How were you then disposed off was again seated on the cake of ice, in front of a dry goods box and ma le to take the following horrible and bind ing oath: I, Charles s. Robinson, do hereou and herein most everlastingly and diabolically swear by the great Dob Tail Flush, that will never reveal and always steal all the trade secrets I can for the use and benefit of this Mos. August Order, and further swear, by the Bald Headed Jack of Clubs, tha. will never give, carve, make, hold, cut or take prices below the regular rates. And further swear by the Pipers that played before Moses, to never have any commercial intercourse with any man or his wife, sister, grandmother, old maii or aunt, unless he, she or it is sound on the goose. Binding myself under no less penalty than to have my grip sack slit from top to bottom, my dirty shirts and socks taken out and my reputation removed and buried in the river at Pearl Street bridge where the Salvation Army ebbs and flows every twenty four hours. So help me Bob Ingersoll and keep me in backbone.
 What were you then askedf What l most needed. What was your replys
 Money.
 What did you then beholds A copy of Dun and Co. s reports open at Chapter Muskegon. Upon the open book rested pair of drug scales, in one pan of which reposed ten pounds of con sentrated lye and in the other sat small silver jackass.
 What did this emblem signifyi
 The scales indicated the balance be- tween debtor and creditor. The other emblems represented the lie-abilities and asserts of bankrupts.
 Did this teach you any lessonf You bet. It taught me the fact that the former are generally so almighty much larger than the latter.
 Shake Brother. Will you he off or froma
 Both, if l can borrow the money to get out of town.
 Have you any cigarsf
 I have