The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-09
HIS SHOPPING TOUR
GUS GOES FORTH BRAvELY TO
MATCH HAIR RIBBON.
incidentally He utters Libeis on the
Methods of the Fair Sex, But
He Came Home Without
the Ribbon.

dit /.
MY vie tolt me to run drough der
Dig stores und get her paber of pins
una match hair ribbon. / asked her
Ell she hat any faforide store. 20.
yess, she said; "for trink of water
go 10 Macyheimers, but Fieltmar-
shalls haf more plate glass mirrors
III der elevator" So | questioned her
wen Won hat der best free lunch. She
SAID lunch serted was not free, but
al Frillsky & Cuttingham's dere wass
sale OF dog biscuits redoozed to nine
cents vich wass almosd Citing dem
away, und please don'd cad dem all on
der way home.
ohe startet me away, fairst locking
up my library-l mean my pocketbook
una check book. dnk she wass afrait
Voult buy Something's instead of shop
ping. She said she vantet me to shop
like a pairfegt lady
BY der retail DISTRICT l looked der
windows in to witness der styles in
pms und hair ribbons. Ad Won blaze
quite crowt of women wass Watching
window dresser. stoot und watched
him, too, but, ach. he hat already fin
lshed dressing und wass putting on
hiss coat.
l vent insite. I heard some girls
holler "Ca-a-ash!" l knew dey ditn'd
mean me. A man nit polished man.
ners and badness stepped himself up
to me. "Vot ISIS diss?" said. at is a
department store" he said "Haf you
fire sale to-day?" asked him. Yes,
SIR" he said.
Den direct me please to der fire
department."
So he tolt me to step to der dirt
izzle to der right dismount der escala-
tor to der basemend walk arount der
golf fish tank, use der dictator to der
sefent floor, go drough der trating
stamp ofiss, den backwards down two
fits of stairs to der men and boys
cloding. crawl under dree tables full
of misfits, find der fourt window from
der wropping desk, gif my name I'M
der references to der cashier, open
der window and chump ouid. He said
| voult be yust in dime for der after.
noon demonstration of der $3.50 life
net, was $9.8S.
tanked him NIT tears in my face
und followed hiss DIRECTIONS until
fcunt myseluf in der lost department.
Il want to match diss." l said. Dey
must hat tott I meant my breat, be-
coss dey sent me to der delicatessen
department, we're dey hat Neufchatel
cheese NIT Swiss embroidery. were
iss der hair goots?" said to a girl. II
want to match a hair ribbon"
you don't want the hair goods de-
partment," she said you want the
match department" Ven / found id
tolt dem l wanted a paber of pins to
match my wife's hair. So dey sent me
to der hair pin department. Ven l got
dere l asked dem to please show me a
paber Of hair ribbon, und dey sent me
to der paber department Und dere I
tolt dem l wanted a ribbon of matches
to pin on my wife's paber hair, but
dey tried to sell me safety match
ven vot l wanted wass a safety pin
no, / mean paber of ribbons-vell,
anyhow, ditn'd get it.
So tolt dem to sent i'd.
Vile l was dere dey hat an hour
sale. A hour sale ISIS we're you hat to
wait an hour for your change. Eff you
gife dem a fife tollar bill i'd comes
back SO changed you don'd know i'd.
But cheated dem. l vent away mid.
oout my change.
But a voman-ven only shopping
vouldn'd spend q tollar bill eff 1t I'd
wass printet in disappearance Ink
Brooklyn Citizen.