The Tucumcari news and Tucumcari times. [volume] (Tucumcari, N.M.) 1907-1921, 1909-07-24

IL in on the meek and unassuming
newspaper man and peramantly get
away with ii does not know what he
is inviting. The chance to get even
will come some day, just as II did the
other day TO Fred Ward, well remem.
bered by many Of the newspaper old.
timers of New Mexico rs : skinny
Ward, VINO ratified all ovcr the south.
west years 60. Ward was an old
boyhood friend oI General Fred Funs.
ton, and when that Kansas prodigy
made his meteoric rise, was publicly
snubbed by the celebrity. Ward wait.
ed two years to get his FIRST shot at
Funston, and IL was 80 good that he
hash Z had 10 wait 80 long since then.
He Is working on the New York Globe
now, and his last contribution to his
loving literature il so good that IL Is
worth while any day, as providing what
q good memory 10 worth to writing
fellows. Here il the dope. Reed il
and note that Ward is just as well rs
truthful:
"And did you hear that dry, bronch.
ial eaekle that went the rounds Of the
regular armyi Gen. Frederick Funs.
ton almost shot a burglar recently. The
regular army hasn't had such a giggle
s'rco the time that Gen. Otis burned
b iaiself with a cigaratte at the battle
Of the powerpuf. General Frederick
Funston, like General Leonard Wood,
Is exquisitely humorous 20 the officers
Of the regular army, you know. One
% the funniest things about both Of
them is that neither Of them ever saw
West Point except from the deck Of
n Hudson river excursion steamer. That
gives the soldier who took the full
course up there the right to lawf and
lawff and lawa wheSever they think
Of either. And they have a laugh coming
on Funston, at that. lie Is a funny
looking little tick to begin with. He
weighs about as much ss dried moon.
beam, and he nas a little reddis'1, paint
brush whiskerino that irresistably
tempts the humorous person to tickle
him under the chin just hear him baa
The same person never would do tina,
again, though. lie has some red hair on
his head, most Of which has been worn
on, and he walks with a limp and has
the greatest little red vocabulary you
ever heard. As a holder Of the stand,
no n has ever beaten Freddie. lie
can follow the spotlight in his sleep
Take, for example, that time that the
Filipinos were trying to wipe his three
Kansas companies out Of existence and
General Otis wanted TO know how lonp
ne could hold his position. "Until my
regiment Is mustered ont" said Fred.
die, just like that. How perfectly
absurd OF course he believed IL
and 10 did his soldiers, and so did the
Filipinos ultimately. But that ism ;,
the way we do things In the regular
army. And the language he usedl Hor
riblel One OF the scandales Of the
Manila company was the war cry Of
the Kansas regiment. Captured Fill
pino officers complained about IL. "w,
will gladly die for our country" saiC
they with tears in their eyes a. bis
as Lima beans, ''but these gross per
sons from Kansas shou, at us, "Kil IN,
bingbanged garbage grabbers'-onl,
that is a highly etheralized version
and we dom like it," II there eve
was n 'ietim Of popularity, Fred Funs
ton is 1t. He grabbed Aguinaldo a
a time when that individual patriot has
completely lost his Importance and th'
papers made n fuss about il, aud Fred
die, being OF a hectic turn Of mind
posed a little bit too much. And thel
everybody turned in to make n noel
out Of him, which nature had alread,
done. One Of the stories told OF tina
capture represents Funston Rs order
ing a sergeant 70 ford the Bag.Bag, o
whatever the river was called that di
yided the Americans from Aggie.
eleven inches deep in the middle,
reported the sergeant.
"Hurrahi" remarked Funston, "w
will swim the rivcri"
And the American tendancy TO ars
idolize aud then sneer was pushe
along by the regular army, whie
doesn't approve Of rough neeks bein
given commissions. Freddie's nee
was positively eraggy. He had bee
tossed out Of the University Of Kar
sas because he chased the town ''ba
niger" about the streets with a gur
when the eolored person tried 10 sla
him with a razor. And he got a 20
a. a conductor IN a section Of th
Santa Re road, and earned the dislik
Of the ~eowpunehing population beeaus
he used to beat the joyful cavalier
who used To shoot out Of the window
of the coaches. And he went on
botanizing expedition through Deaf
Valley, In which he experienced sue
hardships that hs is now the only on
Of the party now at all sans He d
the same trick In Alaska, and andin
q pair Of whale vessels iesdum, an
being warmed by the s~esfsrsr's run
tola them that England and Amsrie
wsrs ~ war. Then he went 10 ulssl