Alaska sentinel., 1909-02-04
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l ever. N ny HOl AS grow Oluer, become more and more expert in avoid ing trouble. life.
 Nell-Maude has lost good friend in Jack. Belle-Why, have they guar. reled? Nell--No, they are married Philadelphia Record.
 The Questioner-I hear his wife is brunette, but l thought he married a blonde. The Joker-He did, but she dyed.-IIouston Post.
 Gabbleby-After all, woman's scream Is her greatest weapon of de- fense. de-Undoubtedly how did you find 1t out?-Puck.
 Mistress-Brldget, 1t always seems to me that the crankiest mlstresses get the best cooks. Cook-Ah. go on wid yer blarney Town Topics.
 Ethel-Sometimes I really think se- riously of remaining unmarried. Maud Think only? Why, I imagined you worried about it.-Town Topics.
 Why, my boy. did you fall in that open coal hole:" No; of course not wuz in here, an they built a pave ment over me. me."-Illustrated Bits.
 The Boy (fervently)-You are the first and only girl I ever loved, Ethel. She-Ah, what lots of fun you have ahead of you, Freddy London Opin. ion.
 He-A fellow told me yesterday he thought I was such a bright fellow. She-That's an awfully bad habit. He What Is? She-Talking to yourself, Life.
 Hix-I always have pr. Emdee. l When my mother-in-law was at death $ door be pulled her through. Dix Which way did he pull her:-St Louis Republic.
 Who's your ideal of bravery?" queried the old bachelor. "Is it Gen eral Kuroki:" No" answered the spinster, desperately. Its a Mormon" The Tatler.
 You never saw a man who under stood women" Well, l knew a man once who claimed that he did" And did he? "Well. he never married one. " Houston Post.
 Nell don't suppose Mir. Sillicus has any vices. Belle-Vices? Why, he belongs to a glce club, an amateur the atrical society, and writes poetry Philadelphia Record.
 Tonsorial Expert (cutting colored mans hair)-'Rastus, your hair is just like wool. 'Rastus-Well, yoh didn't spect to cut silk fo' fifteen cents, did you?-Harpers Weekly.
 Jim (regarding damage done to church by ire)-Good job 1t wasn't a factory. Bill Bill-You're right, mate. Only one man put out of work, and he | draws his money.-Punch.
 The Boss-What's that? Office Boy T says, you better send out and git half dozen boys to do my work to- day; I'm going to be sick about three o'clock .-Harpcr's Bazaar.
 Yes; l am going abroad" And how are you going to arrange your itin- erary?" "Oh, pompadour. I think that will be most suitable for travel Washington Herald.
 Sambo-De doctor tells me dat ter eat six watermlllions at one time would sho' kill me. Rambo-An what you gwine do bout it: Sambo-I gwine ter die game New York Tribune.
 Suppose women should vote. What would be the result?' "Oh, I don't know" answered MT. Sirius Barker, petulantly. Perhaps we'd have hand painted ballots s''-Washington Star.
 simkins-You say that little man was formerly the lightweight cham pion? Timkins Simkins-How did he lose the title? Timkins-Oh, he didn't lose it. He merely sold his gro | cery and retired.-Chicago Daily News Customer (pointing to the hiero- glyphics on his check )-Is that my name in Chinese? Go Long (Chinese laundryman)-N 'scliption. Means "lil ole man; cross-eyed; no teet'." Customer-Er-thank you.-New York Globe.
 q suppose" said the facetlous stran- ger, watching a workman spread car pet from the church door to the curb, that's the high road to heaven you're fixing there?" No" replied the man, this is merely bridal path. h."-Phila- delphla Press.
 Professor Stone-To the geologist & thousand years or so are not counted as any time at all. Man in the Audi ence-Great Scott. And to think made a temporary loan of ten dollars to a man who holds such views.- Philadelphia Inquirer.
 Mrs. Exe-Good-by. I'm sorry my husband isn't in. I wish knew some way of keeping him at home little more. Mrs. Wye-Let him buy mo-