davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Say" remarked one government
clerk to another. I'm up against 1t
good and proper"
whats the trouble?- Queried g. c.
No. 2.
Il got two medical certificates from
two different doctors yesterday" ex-
planned the party OF the first part
zone was a certificate OF health for a
life Insurance company. and the other
was a certificate OF illness to be sent
to my chief with a petition for two
weeks leave OF absence"
~Oh. that's nothing" rejoined his
fellow clerk. 1--WE done that myself"
Yes" continued the other. but l
mixed the certificates In mailing. The
III health certificate went to the IN
surance company and the certificate OF
good health went to my chief. Seer
Chicago News
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Bank GUARANTY Law Effective.

Austin, Texas, Aug. 1O.-The new
guaranty of bank deposits law passed
by the recent special session of the
Texas legislature went into operation
yesterday. The law is similar to the
Oklahoma law in all its most import
ant provisions. 1t provides for and de-
fines swo alternative methods or plans
for the protection of the depositors of
state banking corporations which are
referred to as the guaranty fund
plan" and the "bond security plan, "
respectively. The state banks may
decide which plan to adopt.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Six Die in FIRE.

Chicago, Aug. 10.-Fire which
swept away 20 residences in South
Chicago this morning burned at least
six persons to death. All the occupants
were asleep and the fire spread with
great rapidity. In the great confusion
it is feared several children were
burned to death in their beds. A ma
jority of the victims are Poles, who
lived in small tenements, closely
crowded together, with scant chance
for escane
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Tip knows other places where trav-
cling is Of the agony brand. After
waiting for nearly four hours in Shan
nonville, Canada, between Toronto and
Montreal. for a "mixed"-17 freight
cars and one COACH asked an impa'
tient clergyman II he had been able
to learn when the train would arrive.
He eyed me up and down with pity
Sir" he said, that is the only thing
that the Almighty does not know
New York Press
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
History Rewritten.

with much reluctance King George
Ill had decided to let his American
colonies go.
Mark my words, though" he said,
they'll be governed some day by a
monarch ten times as absolute and
despotic as I ami"
II any doubt exists that his Britain
mic majesty had the spirit OF prophecy
upon him. look at Mr.. Aldrich.-Chica-
20 Tribune.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Good morning. sir" said the tail
man in the suit Of faded black open
ing his valise. Ny name Is CLASSIFY.
/ am tho inventor OF a little device
for
Il am glad TO meet you. Mr.. Glass
py," interrupted the man In the door
way. My name is Washabaugh. !
have the sole right IN this county to
take subscriptions for a new and CO.
piously illustrated edition Of the works
Of"
Good day. sir"
Good day."--chicago Tribune.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Two Thousand in School

New York, Aug. columbia uni
versity's new departure, a summer
school, has 2, 900 students on its roster,
of whom !, $3.50 are taking the regular
course of lectures and studies and the
balance are attending the College of
Physicians and Surgeons. Under the
new order of things it becomes possible
for one to get the university degrees
by attending one regular and two sum-
mer sessions of the university, or for
those who cannot afford this four
summer sessions will answer the re-
uuirements.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
A stuaiea E.plan.tton.

'win you be able to explain your
attitude on the tarifi?"
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum
"Tn have my explanation ready when
the time comes. But III wait till my
constituents are interested in other
things and will carefully make II lit
tie hard to understand. Washington
Star.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

you refuse me, do you. proud girl?"
he howled We'll. you're not doing
anything original, This is the third
time I've been turned down."
$50 I'm the third sacker, am IT.
merrily responded the girl. thrustins
her tongue in her cheek in a well
meant but only partially successful ef-
fort to look like Mr.. Steinfeldt
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

How long viii eggs keep. anyhow"
said the casual customer at the lunch
counter.
answered the dark. gloomy man with
the deep. tragic voice who sat next to
him. that / am willing to swear had
been kept for not less than two years,
by Jupiteri"-Chicago Tribune.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Power will intoxicats the best
hearts, as wine the strongest heads.
No man is wise enough nor good
enough to be trusted with unlimited
power; for. whatever qualifications he
may have evinced to entitle him to the
possession Of so dangerous a privilege,
yet. when possessed. others can no
longer answer for him. because he can
no longer answer for himself.-Col-
fon
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

This circular describing the Mount
ingvue says you can sit at the dinner
table and see the beautiful mountain
peaks" said the man who contsmplat.
ed going.
That is true" replied the one who
had been; and that's Just about all
you can see."-Yonkers Statesman.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
WeIIman Nav Soon FIv.

Tromsoe, Norway, Aug. 10.-Advices
received here from Spitzenbergen,
where the Walter Wellman polar ex-
petition is being prepsred for an at
tempt to re sch the north pole, say the
repairs to the balloon shed which was
badly damaged by storm last June,
have been completed and gas appar-
atus has been installed.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Captain. what time does the boat
startT
Tt starts. madam. when I give the
word"
Then I've always had the wrong
idea I thought II started when the
engineer pulled q lever. or did some
thing. Thank you ever so much
Chicago Tribune.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Dressed as Scholars.

At the wedding lately of the head
master of Eastbourne College, Eng
land, the three pages in the bridal pro-
cession were CARRIED as scholars in
black satin knee breeches, buckled
shoes. scarlet silk gowns, with white
shirt fronts. Each carried a mortar
board hat and a scarlet-bound prayer
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

The sweet girl graduate is gone,
The sweet boy graduate is. too;
He'll NOW the whiskeTs on the lawn
And she will learn TO build a stew;
Both Of these tasks are worth their willis
And should not rouse their bosoms' ise,
And they should buckle down and smile
They can not set the world ahre.
Houston Post.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
= Bic Immierstion Gain.

Chicago, Aug. 9.-According to fig
u 'es prepared by E. E. Mcleod, chair
man of the Western Passenger sssocia-
tion, there was an increase of approx
mately l4l per cent in the immigration
to this country during the past six
months.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Man from the City-You intend to
keep bees. l suppose.
Suburbanite-Soms day, perhaps. At
present we are dsvoting our entire ener-
gies TO keeping a cook.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
HockenspIutter Took the Hint.

The caller, a man whom he had
known in the old town back in Penn
sylvania, had dropped in to talk old
times with the busy lawyer. and the
lawyer had endured it patiently for
an hour and a half Then. unseen by
the caller. he pushed a small knob at
the end of his desk and bell rang in
the adjoining room.
Excuse me a moment. Mr.. Hocken
splutter," he said. stepping into the
other room and proceeding to hold
this one-sided conversation over ar
imaginary telephone.
Hello"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

'Mr. Aeekun, don't you think a WON
en- should receive a mans pay when she
does a mans work.
"Why-er-look at the other side Of
the question a moment. viii your Think
how many men are doing wonsn's work
and not getting a cent for il %
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Andrew Jackson was a marvel OF
precocity. He carried a 1intlock mus
ket, as a soldier of the revolutionary
army, at the age of IA. At % he was
appointed by Washington district at
torney OF Tennessee. He was a Unit
ed States Senator at 30. He did not
reach the presidency until he was 81.
Sunday Magazine.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Boyhood of Great Men.-No. XXI.

Boyhood of Great Men.-No. XXI.
Papa" said little Eddie, Il gotta
have another pair O. shoes. These is all
wore out"
THAT makes seven pairs this year y
groaned the unhappy parent.
This incident took place more than
sixty years ago. That boy has become
an old man. His name Is Edward Pay
son Weston, and he wears out shoes fast
er than ever.-Chicago Tribune
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Tommy-Paw. I've heard you talk
about Easy street. Where is it'll
Mr.. Tucker-Its at the farther end Of
long. rough, and billy thoroughfare,
called Hard Work street, my boy.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Stranger Cat Crown Point)-what's
the difference between this sort Of
thing in principle, and a horse race
Automobile Enthusiast-Great Scott,
look at the possibilities, mani You
can get a million more thrillx out OF
it.-Chicago Tribune
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Il wonder why three-fourths of the
stenographers in business Offices are
women?" Il guess 1t is because men
like to feel that there is at least one
class Of women whom they can dictate
to-"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

1--WE got cousin on my mothers
side" remarked Mrs. Lapsling. who
can do anything with her left hand
that she can do with her right l
tell you, it's a great thing for a per.
son to be amphibious."
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Yeast-It is said that the cats OF
Berlin are all registered and wear a
tag.
Crimsonbeak-Well, the cats around
my house seem TO be registered. too,
and some OF 'em are pretty strong in
the upper registsr.-Yonkers States
man
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Skiggs ran away with Skeggs' wife,
Left no address behind;
But very soon Skiggs envied Skeggs
And had a change of mind.
Skeggs advertised, Skiggs sent her back,
Herein the moral lies:
Skiggs now believes-not no with
Skeggs-
II pays to advertise
Boston Herald.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

The salamandsr looks like a lizard. but
Its character is that Of the frog. The
old story that the salamandsr can en-
iure Gre is unfoundsd-
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Mothers VIII find Mrs. winslow's Soothing
Syrup the best remedy 70 use for their childrez
during the teething period.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

II you have no reason to expect a
letter with money in it. hope win do
you no good
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

Behold the worthless man; what
fine health be hasl
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12

NO. Bertha; I'll not have time to
come home for dinner. It's already
4:so. and l have several hours work
yet to do. l am very busy. and have
been detained"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1909-08-12
Yes; gOod.by.,

Yes; good-by.'
Then he went back to his desk
but Mr.. Hockenspiutter had already
risen to go.-Chicago Tribune.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-14

Hardwood Flag Poles, with round wood
tops and halyardS
it,. $50; IT, 5oc 10 it,. 75c; II IT,, ooc.
We showing large line OF Printed Silk
Flags both mounted and unmountcd. from sc
upward.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-14
A Most Complete and Beautiful Display of

$2.75 Black BrOadcloth, $1.08.
56-inch Imported Chiffon Broadcloth. absolutely
spotproof sponged and shrunk, with beautiful rich,
permanent luster This is positively CT no
the same quality that We have been sell y 10
ing at s2.75 Our special price, yard
0OC MOhair Sicilian, soc.
Again tomorrow and long these 10 pieces
hold out you buy Extra Quality Fine Double
warp Mohar Sicilian, with high silk user; colors
are navy, brown and gray.
royal blue and black A. inches wide Worth -
fully Coo AS long these 1000 yards .6VC
hold price is yard .................
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
National Finances

During the first seven months of the
current fiscal year the national govern
ment has expended approximately $So,00o,-
OOe more than its revenues. The prospect
is that al the end Of the fiscal year
the estimated deficit Of SEA 4eoo6oo pre-
dicted by Secretary Cortelyou in his an
nuaI report VIII be fully realized The
customs revenues show a very slight in
crease. while the internal revenue shows
a steady falling OF, so that during Janu-
ary the governments receipts from these
two sources were actually s2,oOoteo less
than for the corresponding month OF last
year. Immediately succeeding the panic
There is no expectation OF any increase
in government revenues for the remain
der OF the fiscal year, and the revenues
for the next fiscal year. during which the
new tariff bin VIII 90 into effect, are
largely probiematlcal
Fortunately. the Treasury situation,
though giving some anxiety, is not Imme-
dIately serious. There are ample funds
with which TO meet the deficit. and the
fiscal year promises to end with g com
Portable working balance on hand For
the next year the outlook IS not so pleas
ant. II revenues continue 10 run behind
expenditures. the Secretary may take
refuge in an issue Of the Panama Canal
bonds or OF certificates Of Indebtedness.
Yet even here his authority is limited
to some S95.0O0.o50 OF canal bonds and
500. 900 Of certificates, though he msy
sell bonds 10 maintain the gold reserve
Thus, the end OF the Treasury's re-
sources is plainly in sight. provided the
existing scale OF expenditures IS kept Up.
Within a year, probably. the government
viii be forced TO borrow money to pay
expenses. unless in the meantime Con
gress Ievies new taxes. We trust these
facts are familiar to the chairmol ct
Appropriations committees. though 1he
supply bills so far give little evideac'
ofiL.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
labor Unions and socialism.

J. q FRzxn. i1 the Atlantic Monthly.
Compared with the actual and con-
stantly increasing force Of labor. the
theories and propositions OF philosophers
and social betterers have but little sig
nifcance. Socialism may come and may
80. but labor and its organization IS
is marching on, not Indifferent to. but
nevertheless quite independent of. these
ideas and associations that are constantly
az work for the betterment OF society in
general II socialism desires to assist
labor. well and good. That IS the begin
ming and the end OF the matter so far as
labor IS concerned Similarly. II NUM-
cipal or public ownership In any form
can be shown 10 benefit the worker
without interfering with his organization
and his shedules. its claims and theories
will receive consideration. In other words.
labor leaders more especially on the rail-
roads. are now preaching the gospel Of
separation They avoid everything in the
nature Of an alliance, even in the inter
ests Of public salty. and day by day their
ability and intentions to stand alone be-
come more pronounced
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
A Chsnce for Mr. Bonsoarte.

TIE Supreme Courts opinion that the
debts OF a trust, incurred under illegal
agreements in restraint OF trade, cannot
be collected applies 10 modern monopo-
Hstic selling arrangements the principles
OF the common law, which viii not en-
force OF recognize agreements tainted
with inegality. To do so would. as Jus
tice Harlan says. give effect 10 the Illegal
agreements under which the sale was
made In this case the Continental Wall
Paper Company sold its product TO job
bers under trade restrictions which it
sought TO enforce by threats that no
paper would be sold the job5er unless he
adhered to these restrictions. As the
paper company had a monopoly Of the
product, such q threat meant that no
jobber could refuse the trusts exactions
without going out OF business. Justice
Harlan holds that to enforce a contract
Of sale under these terms would be to
give legal sanction 10 an illegal trans
action: in other words. TO uphold the
trade contrivance by which monopoly is
upheld.
As two inferior Federal courts and the
Supreme Court have pronounced the Con
tinental Wall Paper Company an Illegal
trust. II would appear TO a layman that
the Department OF Justice would have
what is popuiariy known as a lead-pipe
cinch IN the prosecution OF that concern
under the Sherman act Why not tackle
this easy proposition2
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
Fists vs.. Pistol.

Down in Montgomery few days ago.
two young men, sons OF Gov. Conner, Of
the State Of Alabama. fancied their
father had a grievance against Mr. Glass.
Of the Montgomery Advertiser. Where
upon the two Messrs. Cener looked I'd &
son Of Mr.. Glass. met him in one Of the
principal thoroughfares OF the city. and,
actuated by that curious and warped
chIvalry that permits two men sinul-
taneously TO jump on one, proceeded to
pummel the said MI Glass. IT. unmerci-
fully and 70 his great physical damage
and discomfort
In many OF its essential elements. this
affair was not unlike others OF more
serious consequence. The Kentucky
feudist thinks nothing OF shooting his IN
armed and unwsry enemy IN the back; an
irate father and son not a thousand miles
from Montgomery have been known to
go cunning jointly for one DISTINGUISHED
antagonist IN matters political. So the
assault OF the two Corners on the one
Glass was not outside Of the pale OF the
5 code OF honor" apparently governing in
these matters. SO far as that feature Of
1t. at least, was concerned
we do feel. nevertheless, that We
should not withhold from the young
Messrs Conner IN this matter cur warm
congratulations that they contented
themselves with using their fists rather
than seeking TO let daylight through
young Glass via bullet-hole We have
no doubt they feel much better about It
as the case stands to-day. than they
would feel had the other party 70 the
ARRAY been CALAMITY and courteously
hurled headIong into Kingdom Come
without 50 much as warning Of the
doom impending Per contrary. we ara
sure young Mr. Glass IS more usefu
about the Advertiser Office alive and kick
ing than he would be about the cemetery
sleeping the sleep that knows 10 waking
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
TWO MORE STATES.
Fitness of the Territories for Ad-
mission TO Union.

Fitness Of the Territories for Ad-
mission TO Union.
From the Philadeiphis P,shlic LedEeT-
The citizens Of the Territories. in plead
ing their case. contend that IN the light
Of precedent there Is no reason why Ari-
zona and New Mexico should not become
States. They each have populations not
only in excess Of many other Territories
at the time OF admission. but greater than
some States. The present population OF
Arizona. by close estimates. IS 210.ooo. the
census Of ls09 having given it I22,sS1. It's
mineral and agricultural resources. abst-
ted by a splendid climate, account FOR its
growth. In area It is 1890 square miles.
OF IN excess OF any STATE but Texas. Cali
fornia and Montana. In extent It IS Ss5 by
$50 miles. OF its population. less than .
per cent Is foreign, and this almcst who'll
ly Mexican Negroes are negligible as an
element # its citizenship. There are some
20 900 Indians, many OF these industrious
and devoted to the arts OF peace.
New Mexico IS in every way larger
than Arizona The former has an erea
Of IL. $50 square miles. being go by go
in extent While in 800 the census re-
turns showed a population OF 1880. so
rapid has been the material progress that
the present population is rated at half q
million While much OF the land is ht
only for grazing, and other sections not
even fit for that, Il has wide valleys OF
exceeding richness, has carried 20 g
science the art OF irrigation. and proved
acres once barren to be adapted 70 the
cultivation OF fruits and grains IN abund-
ance. IN sheep and cattle and mines the
wealth OF New Mexico runs far into the
millions, and IS being augmented steadily.
/! It is an American Territory. The impress
/ sion that it Is ''gTeaser" does II an in
( justice. BY the last census there were
but 1900 foreign born. and OF these half
were Mexicans.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
Plea for Meat Consumers.

From the Chicago TriSuue.
The members Of the Committee on
Ways and Means are not ignorant OF the
high price Of meat and the burden It
imposes on the poor. They. with the CO
operation Of Congress. can do something
that may improve the situation In re-
vising the tariff they can cut the duties
on animals available for food purposes
and on meats. The duty on cattle ranges
from s. 10 S3.75 a head. A much greater
number would be brought IN from Can
ada and Mexico but for 6 duty which
puts only about $4,000 year IN the na-
tionsl treasury. The government could
afford TO sacrifice that much revenue II
by so doing It could stimulate the impor-
tation OF cattle with g consequent cheap
ening OF the price Of meat. The Ameri-
can stock raisers need no protection.
Neither DO the packers. The consumers
Of meat do need some.
The Washington herald., 1909-02-03
WATER POWER AND FARM.
Possible Development in the Rural
Use of Electricity.

Use of Electricity.
FROM the Baltimore sun
Brief mention has been made in the
news columns OF the Sun Of an enterprise
in washington County which may have 4
marked effect upon conditions in that sec
ton and which suggests what may be
tis-s in other rural communities. Some
years ago one Of the old stone grist mills
along Antietam Creek was burned. and,
although there was 8 ene water power,
the min was not rebuilt and the dam
across the stream was washed away. Re
Gently three citizens OF the community,
two OF them farmers and the other an
electrical engineer. bought the mill site
with several dwellings house. for a small
sum and erected an electric power plant
The energy developed by the stream IS
about 80 horse power Two turbine
wheels were installed and a large quan-
tity OF copper wire was purchased at a
low price The cost of the entire plant,
including the wire and the site and the
water power. was not much over SIS, 900.
the work OF construction being done by
tiae three FeEtttEfs. AArAH "N0 40 &tAu-
Guilty IN making a contract for lighting
the toRn OF Boonsboro. for which the sum
OF 500 a year Is received. and simila con-
tracts with Keedysvilie and Skarpsburg
are said 20 be almost assured. The cost
/ OF running the dynsmos IS so insiguif-
cant that the firm can afford 20 supply
electric lights for the residences and
stores in BOonsboro at rate far below
the usual price. and IL IS reported that
many orders for lights are being received.
/ II has also been suggested that the
owners Of this electric plant Win be able
10 supply lights and motors 10 the barns
and farm houses Of the vicinity. Every
\ farm needs & motor for pumping water.
/ At the present time this work IS done by
windmills. But the first cost of a wind
wheel and tower IS considerable and the
/ cost Of maintaining them Is also large
There are many other uses 10 which a
motor can be put on farm Nor Is the
matter Of electric lights in barns and sta
bles an unimpOTtsnt consideration. II
viii be recalled that the great fire In
Chicago was caused by a COW kicking 2
Ilantern over in the stable bedding That
I Lanterns are used at milking tine IN the
winter both morning and evening. and
doubtless much property IS destroyed hy
them. Moreover. when the farmer comes
( home with his team on q winter evening
Il would be a great comfort 70 be abl'
TO light his stable by touching q button.