The Intermountain Catholic. (Salt Lake City [Utah] ;) 1899-1920, 1909-02-13
(Continued.)
The Village Publican.

Father Tom used to say, sit was one too
many" However. Joe Cassidy, the
owner, managed it well, and by well I
mean that no drunken man was ever
seen on the premises, as anyone show
ing the least sign Of being under the
influence was denied a further supply
of that spirit which steals away mems
brains If we can judge of a thing by
its after effects then the quality of Joe's
whisky must have been decidedly bad,
for It took the too free imbibers of it
a week to recover from that state of
prostration to which it reduced them.
Joe himself declared that his whisky
was the CRANE oV whisky" | cOngrat-
ulate meself,' he would say, with his
thumbs stuck in the armpits of his
Waistcoat and his head thrown back,
"on givin' me customers the best tin
yesr-ould Jamison that's to be got for
love or money. Other publicans, and l
know them well (this with q wink Of
his left eye), give yeh nothin' except
fusil oil, bud my whisky knocks the
cobWebs off yer heart" Joe was low
and round. just like one Of his own
porter barrels. His fat, habby face was
lit up by a continual smile. He always
Sported q white shirt front, Gladstone
collar and cravat, and a ponderouS sill
Yer chain ran from one WaiStcoat pock
ct to the other The watch was in
keeping with the chain, just as erratic
as it was massive. This watch an
chain is wan OV me heirdoms." ne
would proudly say, fondly stroking
both with his habby hands. "They be-
1onged to wan ov me ancestors who
fought at Limerick. an they were given
him for his gallantry in the field" Joe
was well TO do. and being a poor law
guardian and vice president of the
United Irish League, he occupied a
prominent position in the town. The
man who in those days could write P
L. @. (poor law GUARDIAN after his
name, was none Of your small fry, and
thinking of those magic letters now I
feel inclined to laugh at my simplicity
in figuring out then that the title P.
i. G. was a little, only little step re-
moved from that of Lord. duke or earl
in fact, / used to raise my cap in obeis-
ance to the majesty OF the letters. not
TO the man who bore them We bows
never could cotton to Joe Cassidy. We
thought him so far above us, and he
thought us so far beneath him. that
there arose between us the rigid stream
of reserve. He smiled at our simplicity
when we went bird nesting or Indian
hunting, and. oh, if we rolled our hoops
anywhere near his premises, he was
out in his shirt sleeves with:
Get off, wud yez, at wanst Don't
yez know that I want calm whin l am
composin' what 1 am to say at the next
poor law guardian meetin'? Yez have
no idea ov the burden that rests on me
shoulders"
1 see Joe one summers evening One
hand rests on the counter and the other
on a chair He is addressing two or
three Of the neighbOrs who are seated
around him on porter barrels, and the
words hear fall from his lips are:
" the other poor law guardians
don't wake up to the situashun. they'll
run the whole country into the nlire ov
debt. that Rothschild's money won't
clear away, At our last meetin' the
question ov maxim bitches turned UP.
an they were all for givin' the job to
jim Phelan. An yez know how he
makes bitches. A child wud a snoon
Wud knock the bitches that he makes
into cooked hat. bud 1 stood on me
fasarVe, an me dignity, an be me act
in saved yez all from ruinashun. No.
] says, we'll not give the bitches to
Pnelan- bud Wen give them to Coonev.
that viii make them as firm as etarnfty
an as laStin' as time / enter mo mon
possumus' agin Phelan." When any
matter turned up, the terms of which
Joe could not accept. the great word
WIN MN was mon possumus" He
got the word from a speech of A. M.
eulliYans, and finding it forcibIe and
learned. Joe adopted 1t, and hence fer
sno wide he was known as Non Pos
sumus joe" I have known mauv skim
hints in my time, men narrow as rn-
Esros money, but have never known
the equal of Joe in this respect. On
one occasion he happened to dron 2
halfpenny in the chapel ward. and he
spent full three hours looking for II
Jim Scully saw him engaged in the
search, and finding out afterward what
st was all about. he entered Joe's sbo,1
and, rendering Joe a half sovereign. he
demanded:
"A pint ov stout, iv yeh place. Mr..
assay Jim got his stout and his
change, and as he was putting +be
change into his pocket. he remarked.
sidy." >1f'7-
Were you, jim? I'm glad to hear
Yis, Mr. Cassidy, I was, bud don't
tell anywan. The fact ov the matter
Is was a little while ago in the chaneT |
yard an / found the half sovereign Pm
after givin' you"
You did, you" and poor Joe gasned
lost halfpenny there TODAY. an
now that l think ov il, maybe it was a |
haIf sovereign, / lost instead"
Maybe IL was, Mr. Cassidy; msvbe
u was, and what ] found 1 stick TO
Good-day. Mr.. Cassidy" and Tim
walked out, leaving poor Joe the most
miserable OF mortals. To make matters |
still worse, some neighbors called in |
soon afterwards, and by whispers and |
insinuations made Joe fully persuaded |
that he lost that half sovereign which |
Scuny found in his own pocket.
Joe attended all the Land leogue
meetings for miles and miles around |
on the morning Of the meeting the old
gray pony would be yoked to the bone |
shaking jaunting car and then Joe |
Joe would deck himself, pony and car
in q liberal supply Of green bunting. and |
thus en1blazoned with such external |
signs OF patriotism, he would set out to |
strike an effective blow "agin the gov
eminent" as he himself put It. Joe
was silly and ambitious enough to |
think he stood good chance for par- /
liamentary honors. But the people were |
mostly accountable for those notions |
as on every occasion they bantered him 4
on the good he would do when he was /
elected to the house of commons Hear |
Ing such comments as these, poor Joe /
got the big head
Mr.. Cassidy, Wen put yeh In at the |
next election, an veil sweep all afore /