Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-11-12

OSlleE Win HeF husband tnau ShS uSSu
to. Coward-same husband7-Life.
is that your motherinlaw over
there, smiling at your" mo. If she's
smiling at me It isn't my mother-in-
law"
Sheet course, I'm not as old as
you think I am. He-I hope not-I
mean you can't be-that is-how old
are you?
He's got no license to talk the way
he does" oh. he's got license all
right, What he lacks is a muzzle -
Cleveland Leader.
An optimist is one of them chaps,
1 guess" says Uncle Sim. who don't
care a hang what happens so longs
it don't happen ter him."
Laffan-You are rich enough to buy
an automobile Why don't you do 1t?
Grofat-Recause I'm not RICH enough
to own one. Chicago Tribune.
That fellow seems TO be extrava-
CANT" ''Hopelessly. He spends his
own money just as II 1t we're the gov
ernment's, Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal
TIM going to marry Dick" why,
you told me you weren't in love with
him" I'm not, but I've just heard
that girl hate is!'-Cleveland
Leader.
What do you think, my dear? Such
luck! We leave for Paris in an hour"
'Really?" Yes. we're going to Pas
tours, My husband has just been Bit
ten by mad dog. Bon Vivant.
why are children so much worse
than they used to be II attribute 1t
% improved ideas in building" How
500" Shingles are scarce, and you
can't spank boy with a tin roof
And did you really go to Rome?"
asked the guest Il really don't know.
my dear" replied the hostess, just
returned from her first trip abroad.
You see my husband always bought
the tickets
Hello, mate, 'ow is 1t you amt
workin?"
We'll. it's like this: works in
domino factory, and l puts on the
spots, and they're making double
blanks to-day"
Weary Bnliam-What did ye tell
dat lady when she asked ye If ye wuz
equal to de task o sawin' wood? Tat
tered Toni toll her dat equal wuzn't
| de word. | wuz superior TO it.--Chi-
cago Daily News.
My steady looks exactly like Apol-
lot" sighed the sentimental one.
That amt narthen'," shifted the lass
of the glove counter. my beau Is the
original for the Peerless Perfection
Dress Shirt ads. Puck.
why did that picture cost 30
much?" Well" answered Mr. Cum
rox, Ito tell you the truth. Lave an
idea It's because the dealer who sold
It to me is good business man.
Washington Evening Star.
Clear out o. here, ye sassy little
BRAT" shouted the cook. humping the
table with a rolling-pin. The little
girl gave the cook a naughty look.
Il never allow anyone but my mother
TO speak to me like that" she said.
Judge (sternly Three times in
month! What do you make Of this.
SIR? Rastus alphabetically Deed
| doan make muffin. You fellows up
here seem to be de only ones dat get
any 'cuniary profit out OF hauling me
up.--Puck.
Her-Great heavens! My worst
fears are realized Him-What on
earth's the matter? Her-Pve got
telegram Him Yes-yes! What
does It say? Herr don't know. 1
haven't dared to open 1t yet!--Cleve-
land Leader
Scientists have decided that Me
thuselah was only seventy-nine years
old" THAT Is more like It. 1t is
absurd to suppose that any man could
have lived to the age of 969 years"
! oh. ! don't know-there were no au-
tomobles in those days.-Houston
| Post
"Jim," said an honest coal dealer
to one Of his drivers; Jim. make that
| ton OF coal two hundred pounds short.
| Ii is for a poor, delicate widow, and
she viii have TO carry all of 1t up
two flight of stairs. l don't want her
to overtax her strength. "-PhiladeI-
| phia Kronikle-Herald
We'll, Judson, how did you make
| out with your summer boarders?"
asked the tall pumpkin on the fence.
wal, tolerable," drawled the old
! farmer Three Of them were artists,
30 got them to paint the barn, and
the two that skipped board ran away
with two of my homely daughters,
so can't kick, begosh. Chicago
! News.