The Washington times., 1909-04-18
The Journal Of a Neglected Wife

IN his arms, kissing me as he had
never kissed me before-burning
kisses that seemed to scorch.
The pin that held my gown at the
neck became unfastened, barring my
throat down to the lace of nv lin
gerie. / tried quickly to fasten it,
put he forced back my hand, and 1
felt his borning kisses on my bare
neck and shoulders
With sick sense Of terror-of hor-
ror, of something I cannot describe-I
wrenched myself free and stood before
him. never knew what I said, but
they were words of fierce, scathing
denunciatiOn, and then my voice broke
Il covered my face with my hands.
heard him walk over to the win
dow. The silence of the room was
horrible. When L dropped my hands
and looked toward him. he was stand
ing motonless before the window. At
length he turned and came toward
ne.
Il will say good night, Mary. I know
of nothing else to say. I shall not come
again until you send for me-
L saw him walk across the room, take
up hts hat and turn to the door. Then
IL closed after him. In the next few
moments there swept over me such a
wave of understanding, of knowledge.
of realization that the fault had been
mine-mine-that I alone had been to
blame, and that he had been too gener-
GUS to tell me sol That he had accept
ed in silence my scathing rebuke, and
| left me without a word of defense.
Snatching from the wardrobe a long
opera cloak, I threw II around me and
rushed down the hall, the wide winding
stairs, one flight, then another-anG then
1 saw him still 2 flight below.
! ''HOFacei" He turned He made no
move toward me. ! went down a few
more steps. holding fast to the ban
And then ne came toward me-s1owly.
reluctantly-his face white, his eyes like
| FURNISHED steel. And that was the mo-
/ ment The moment in which I first
realized the greatness Of my love for
| hirn-o, all that II meant-of how COM
pletelv my happiness, my life, lay in
/ his keeping Until then 1 had given
him only young girls love. but now
| 1t was a woman's love; and with il
| came a deep sense of awe and of ex-
altdfion-
/ Horace" 1 whispered. forgive me-
| There is nothing TO forgive" he an
swered quietly, coldly.
He walked up the stairs beside me TO
! my door, and held ii open for me. He
made no movement to enter; with an
| other cold Goodnight" he would have
| closed It, had not touched mis- arm.
Horace, 1 cannot let you go like
this. 1 love you, I never knew how
much before, HOracei'
| He gazed at me steadily. Slowly the
| cold steel-hardness died out of his
| eyes He took both my hands in his;
then I felt his lips against my fore
head.
Mary. dear little girl, good-night.''
Most of that night 1 sat by the win
dow, filled with many emotions that
had never known before, and with a
/ love that had grown stronger, deeper
/ mn huT H,r-ra-r
/ October 21st-
Sometimes 1 feel that if through this
past year Horace had lied to me in
both acts and words. If he had dissem-
bled more. pretended that his love for
me was unchanged, If he had taker me
in his arms and caressed me as he used
to do, I might never have known. ]
might still be happy IN ignorance o1
any one else in his life
| To constantly live such a lie would be
abhorrent to him. But I do not be-
lieve that was his only reason. I be-
lieve he has too much reverence fol
the memories of his past love to desc
crate them now by giving me a pre-
tense. an empty sham, the reality OF
which he gives to another woman. Nor
viii he degrade me by Offering me any
form Of love that with him would ne
longer be love.
In my heart I respect him for this
But, OH / have suffered so much
Sometimes I feel that If by not know.
ing If * were given me to e
back over this. year anG have him feigr
fog me a love he does not fe@j-and
live on unknowing-would I have Il so
If ] did not know and lid not suffer
: If I could be made to believe that h,
loved me-and would be happy in tina
. belief, even though il were not true
Would I want happiness on sucl
terms? On, ] don't knOw-I don't know
IL have suffered so much
Heart-hunger and desolation and an
guished lonliness have made Of me sucl
a coward. If it lay in my power Their
is no condition I might not welcome 1
it would only mean cessation from SUI
! ferins.
The Continuation of This Story WI
BE Found in TOIsOrroyy,s
Issue of This Paper.