davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

your house at night wouldn't be taking
any chance worth speaking of if he
caught you in the act OF waking up.
He'd have the bead on you. and you'd
know perfectly well that you'd simply
have to be good or get yourself nudged
over to the other side without chance
on earth for self-defense. The man with
the silent shooting tool would have you
precisely where he wanted you. He
wouldn't be taking the slightest risk
by dropping one into your head. He
could do that and then go right ahead
about the job Of cleaning up the plant.
Don't tell me that burglars have all the
compunction we hear about about shoot
ing folks. The only conjunction they
have about that end Of 1t is that their
shooting tool makes a noise that ts viz
tually bound to bring investigators.
And what a splendid thing the noise
They could pop out from behind a tree
or something with a tool like that and
ask you, of course, If you meant to be
nice and hand them what you happened
considering all that We know about the
hold-up gang, that they would hand you
something out Of that silent gun first
and then ask you to be nice afterward-
supposing they elected to address any
conversation to you at all.
with the noiseless pistols In the hands
of the stickup men, the man making his
way home after dark would have just
about as much change as a
pinl: ostrich plume in blast fur
mace. The noiseless gun would make
even the streets of New York after
nightfall look like the streets Of Lone
somehurst. We'd all keep under cover af-
ter shutdown. or else we'd all go around
about a dozen Of US in a bunch hold
ing each others hands.
THE noiseless gun, too, would present
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

providing that no member of our esteem
ed organization should accept treat.
made and passed."
About half past A. replied the spokes-
man of the anti-treaters.
Very we'll, then, gentlemen" said the
business man. a CLEAN of triumph in his
eye. lit is a matter of fundamental law
in this and all other civilized lands that
in no matter affecting his person shall
the individual be bound by any retroac-
tive law or rule. Thus, this gift was not
at all affected by the amended rule"
Another well known citizen. this one
a professional man. is now under close
observation by his fellow-members of
the anti-treating society on account OF
a circumvention of the rule which he
practiced and got away with short
time ago. Accompanied by genial guest
from Baltimore. the professional man
Der of paintings scattered about its walls
and side alcoves. The professional man
ordered superior article OF elderly
moist stuff, and the Baltimorean said
Then. although there were several OF
the anti-treaters lined up at the bar at
the time, the professional man boldly
tossed four bits on the counter for the
refreshments.
Now, just a minute" said the profess
sional man to the Baltimorean. I'll
drink mine first" and he poured out
stiff one and tucked it in. NOW, there's
little animal pdllltl1lS-SHtcp, COWS, anu
such like-out in the back room yonder
that l want to see again. I'll be back
presently" and he beat it out to the
back room.
The Ba!timorean grinned and poured
out a drink for himself and tossed it off.
The professional man returned to the
main room of the refectory within about
two minutes. He was Instantly sur
rounded by the anti-treaters and accused
of backsliding. He looked greatly sur
prised.
What, me treat anybody?" he ex-
claimed with heat. when? Where? /
treated this gentleman who Is with me?
1 did nothing Of the sort! Did he take
a drink? Well, If he did. didn't see
him. that's all. I wasn't with him at the
time he took a drink. IL he did take one.
How the deuce could I have treated him
when I was nowhere near him at the
time you said he took a drink on me"
But" urged one Of the anti-treaters.
'how about that half dollar that we all
saw you toss on the counter in payment
for the two drinks?"
For the one drink-for my own drink
pray permit me to insist that I dis
bursed that half dollar exclusively for
my own drink" replied the professional
man. II defy any man here present to
prove that 1 didn't pay out that four
bits solely for my own drink. and not for
any two drinks"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

do claim the right to run my own busi-
ness according to my own methods. III
the rule were to be relaxed in your case
1t could be fairly relaxed in other cases,
and If that were to happen my scheme
would go to smash. AS business man
you ought to know that
"Well, I'm not business man.
growled the pompous customer, and he
clomped out He belonged to that queer
breed Of men who give tips indiscrimi-
nately out of pure love for ostenta-
ton. and these are the fellows who per-
petuate the tipping graft and make 1t
SO hard to down.
In the shoe department Of an enor-
nous Chicago department store some
thirty shoe-polishing chairs are going
all the time. Folks who buy shoes
at this place have their shoes polished
for nothing as long as the shoes hold to-
are for women only, and for these chairs
girls are the polishers. Well. an over.
seer is In charge Of this big force of
shoeblacks and the no-tip rule Is en-
forced there for fair. l saw one man
try to drive a piece Of silver through
who had polished his shoes dime. The
Greek shook his head and shrugged his
shoulders. The Upper tossed the dime
at the bootblack and It rolled on the
floor. The overseer walked over to the
"'Will you kindly let me see your
card, sir?" he said to hiin-meaning the
ticket which people who are entitled to
the free shines carry about with them.
The Upper produced the ticket The
overseer took it. calmly tore it in two
and strolled away. The Upper stormed.
"'Go see the superintendent said the
overseer The Upper didn't. however.
but left, muttering.
IT asked the overseer If these were in
structions, and If the firm wasn't afraid
of losing trade that way.
They're instructions all right, and
the firm doesn't care whether 1t loses
that sort Of trade or not replied the
overseer The man who Is at the head
OF these whole works started this sys-
tenn. He's a millionaire a whole lot OF
times over. He won't stand for so much
as penny tip anywhere in the place. and
employees caught taking tips are fired
But the greatest no-tipping estab-
lishment in all America Is huge res
gest restaurants in the world. If not
the biggest Between 1000 and 5000
people take their meals there every day.
The food is excellent and the prices
are Just about one-half what they are In
the eastern cities. Well. you could no
tip than you could give your Washington
chief Of police tip. The waters IN
that restaurant never think Of tips They
are too busily engaged In thinking OF
how best to make you comfortable.
'"These walters are OF all nationalities
iards but mostly Americans. As wait
ers they are letter perfect. The pro.
prietor Of the place conducts a walters
school on the side, and his men know
how to give you the same sort OF serv-
or hotels OF the east-if you tip 'em in
the east, that is.
And every one OF these -waitersin the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

ness as weapon In battle has been
dwelt upon creepingly.
A sinister feature in connection with
that silent firearm. however. appears to
have been quite overlooked. refer to its
possibilities as an instrument of sinister
warfare in the hands of sinister people.
Rejecting upon these possibilities, I
passed this end of the matter along to
one of the sagest heads in New York
and the greatest practical criminoIogist
of the epoch-Thomas Byrnes. formerly
chief of police of New York. and. Incl
dentally. far the most notable police chief
this town ever had in the points of brains.
efficiency and control. l am giving. in
essence his words as to this silent fire.
arm business. He spoke with the calm
ness of the man who both knows and
foreseeS.
"a bad job all the way through, this
client firearm business" said he. There
Is nothing essentially new about it. Ever
since firearms first were invented the
idea of a noiseless weapon has been more
or less in the minds of inventors; but,
speaking generally. they've permitted
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

hurls forth It's missile Of death with
neither a puff Of smoke nor a splutter Of
accompanying sound.
Policemen of all grades often have
talked over this seundleSs gun business
among themselves. always In a sort of a
speculative way. They've always reached
the right conclusion about it. too, which
is that 1t Is game that couldn't be beat.
The noiseless gun, generally In use. would
simply mean the breaking up OF police
forces. No police force could hold to-
gether with an instrument like that in the
hands of the enemy.
Il think 1t has been fairly proved that
the average policeman isn't gutter and
that he'll go as far as the shootist In
mutt when it comes to a gun fight But
doubt If the nerviest policeman in the
business would care enough for his job
to hang on to it If this noiseless gun
came into general use and everybody had
q chance to arm himself with one Of the
UnCanny weapons.
Policemen would be the first. as well
as the constant. marks for the bad ones
with the silent firearms. The elimination
OF policemen would be the first thought
Of hard characters provided with shooting
tools Of that sort. And SO many police
men would be taken Off by that method
that police organizations everywhere
would soon be stampeded, and the police
forces would dissolve like wet snow.
This, understand, isn't any mere
dream. It's the straight-out fact. The
aim of the outlaw gang provided with
the noiseless guns would be first to get
rid of the police and create a general
scare that would make 1t impossible to
organize any more forces Of policemen.
Then they'd of course have everything
their own way.
I'm talking the matter over. as the
police folks often have, the question gen.
orally has been put. But why couldn't
the police themselves be provided with the
.,oiseless guns?' That, however, is an
ioiotic question, as you will easily see
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

Ing That ana Iyze II. BelflS uIzZy IfUfH lts
perusal / offer IT here, in the hope that
1t may make somebody else light In the
head:
"a poor farmer of Pennsylvania raised.
with great care and attention, fine crop
OF wheat. and forgot, In the joy of his
success. how many drops of sweat the
precious grain had cost him. I Will sell
some said he TO his wife. and with the
proceeds / viii buy carpet for our bare
floors The honest couhtryman. arriving
in Philadelphia. there met an American
and an Englishman.
"'Give me your wheat said the Amer
acan, and 1 will give you seventy-five
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27


had thorough trial on the other side OF
the Allegheny mountains, and 1t has been
found TO work like a charm. I've been
watching the workings of the no-tipping
system In the west lately and 1t impress.
ed me vastly. ] wish the eastern cities
had the spunk and the initiative OF the
western cities in some of these matters
that directly affect all hands.
Now, you can't possibly give tip to
any barber In any barber shop in Denver
that visited. and I was shaved at most
of the leading shops there. One boss
barber started the no-tipping scheme in
Denver only two years ago. He set
about deliberately TO start a no-tip shop,
and he paid his BARRIERS half as much
again as the other boss BARRIERS Of Den
yer paid. on the written agreement of his
BARRIERS that they'd neither expect nor
receive any tips. Right away he began
10 get the cream of the trade. and pres
emily all of the leading boss BARRIERS Of
Denver had TO fall into line and begin
the no-tip system at their shops.
''One day / heard an argument between
this boss barber and a somewhat pompous
chap from an eastern city who insisted
upon tipping the baSber who had served
him The pompous one paid his check
at the desk the boss receiving the money.
and then he stepped over to the barber
who had shaved him and held out quar-
ter, waiting for the barber to stretch out
his paw to receive the silver. But the
barber only smiled and shook his head.
"'Oh, humbug! growled the would-be
Upper Take this piece Of change and
let ma get out of here
Cant do 1t, guv'nor.' said the bar
Der. Against the rules. I'd lose my
job
That's all nonsense replied the
would-be Upper. You're free, white and
twenty-one, aren't you? Well, then. why
do you permit yourself to be treated like
q kidd?
For the simple reason that those are
the terms under which he Is working here.
sir said the boss barber. stepping into
the situation from behind the desk at
that 1uncture. You see those signs.
don't you?' pointing to the placards scat
tered all over the shop setting forth the
rule that tips were not to be offered nor
received
oh. 1 guess I'm not blind snorted
fine customer who seemed 10 like
the tipping business. But what
right have you got to tell ME what
Il shall or shall not do with my money!
81 don't claim any such right. sir.
:Eravely replied the boss barber but
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27
Only a Letter Wrong.
,Copyright, 1909, by Este,le Klauder)

Copyright 1909, by Esteile kAuder)
TALBOT ]. TAYLOR. the millionaire
collector Of New York, was discuss
ing old carved wood.
I'm old wood carving 1t Is by the little
things" said he, that you tell the true
from the falsely the nails. which
shouldn't be Of metal. but Of wood. and
by the edges of the carvings, which
shouldn't be sharp, but dulled by the
hand Of time.
Go wrong in the little things. and
you make big mistakes-mistakes of three
figures. It Is like the breach OF promise
case.
And was the defendants air." said
the cross-examining counsel in this case,
was his air, miss. when he promised to
marry you. perfectly serious, or was It,.
on the contrary. jocular and full of lev
ity?'
LIT was all ruffled.' answered the
cockney girl. with i'm runnin' lis 'ands
through it.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

for every hands turn that is done them.
It's the nuisance and the bother Of the
business as much as the actual outlay
that irritates. At this hotel you know
that you can ask for some inconsequential
service without having to plant half or
a quarter in the doer's hand. The eyes
are not looked out of you by the servants
You're not fawned upon nor danced
around. You are not Inundated by the
spectacle OF menials doing these things
solely for what they expect to gouge out
Of you.
'And If that sort Of thing can be done
on a. spot that was a cumbersome old
mission only twenty years ago. why can't
it be done in these eastern cities?"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

within and without the ken of human
knowledge. some of them subjects of
conversation in polite society but most
of them not. However. it asserts that
milk is derived from the COW gives sta
tistics Of the morbidity of wage-earners
treats Of occupations involving exposure
to poisonous dust. tells how to keep well
and energetic and mentions moral pro-
phylaxis. the tobacco habit. the manufac-
ture Of cheap whisky. the danger OF soft
drinks, the suppression of usury and how
not to cure rheumatism. These are only
a few OF the hundred and one subjects.
1t Is of interest that within fifteen days
after Senator Bailey had announced that
the book was not fit to read the supply of
reports in the Senate document room was
exhausted by the demands for copies orig
mating In the Senate chamber. There 8
nothing like advertising.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

sitter thinking it over for half a minute.
''91e notseless weapon wouldn't be OF any
Use to a policeman. Policemen don't go
ground furtively shooting criminals.
They're not allowed to fire even the guns
they've got until they are in the final
extremity of danger and, as a matter Of
fact. a policeman actually hates to fire
off his gun IN any circumstances.
80 noiseless gun wouldn't be of any
use to a policeman. The lurking killer,
anyhow. would beat the policeman to 1t
every time. There would be nothing to
deter the killer with a crouch against
an officer Of the law from putting 1t on
that policeman any minute he chose to,
and there wouldn't be way on earth
OF pinning the crime to such a murderer,
either.
LAS the matter stands now, If fellow
with a gun wants to take a shot at a
policeman that he has 1t In for he must
take his chances with the shot. His
shooting tool must make a noise, and
there Is bound to be a rush In the di-
rection from which the noise comes. But
1t would be pretty simple matter.
wouldn't it, for crook with an Unborn
hatred for policemen to perch behind a
any place that screened hinl-and then
take the policeman of nice and COM
Portable?
Don't think that am taking the view
Of the effect Of the noiseless gun upon
the police first. because I think that po-
lice folks are of any more Importance
than other people. 1 merely say that the
gang on the other side of the fence
would get the police first with their nice
little nOiseless guns. and then it would
be up to the unpoliced folks to take care
Of themselves
That's a possible situation worth
thinking over. The fellow who gets into
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

r f D D I f FELL
LOWS. who pot
hooks on paper the
burning SIP o X e n
thoughts of that
most eminent Of
S t a t e S m e n, the
Honorable Jimpy-
thiaS A ! b e r t u S
Tawney. handed me
the following the
other day, in circu-
lar form, suggest
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

e have been near
ing a good deal OF
late about that
noiselesS gun In
vented by Hiram
Percy Maxim. 1t
has been a much
lauded contraption.
Its slinky efficacy
as an implement
OF warfare has
been quantity dis
cuSsed. It's weird
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

ERTAIN SIGNS
point to the grad
ual undermining Of
the honest basic
principles OF that
anti-treating So
ciety which was
organized in Wash
ington on New
Year day. No
member has yet
been held up to
general vitupera-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

THE inaugural committee is having no
trouble at all in securing a bunch Of
handsome aids to ride in the big parade
on the staff Of the marshal Of the civic
division, Thomas P. Morgan. Personally
/ think a man never looks SO foolish as
when clad in q frock coat. high hat and
green sash and mounted on the quarter
deck Of the motive power of an ice wagon.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

their reflections upon that subject to re-
main just reflections.
There never has been. either. any in
superable difficulty In the way OF invent
Ing q noiseless firearm. But the 1rst
thing that has confronted inventors VINO
have thought of a noiseless f1rearm is the
question: bigger and more alarming
one the more 1t is studied-'What could
and would be done with noiseless fire.
arm by lawless persons?
1T requires. l think. no very steat
amount Of Imagination to figure out how
enormously the danger OF living would
increase If such a f1rearm were to be put
on general sale.
such thing would be, take it, moth
ing short Of blow at civilization. In the
hands of the assassin such a weapon
would be far more deadly than the pol
soned arrow hurled from the bow of the
savage. No trouble at all would be eN-
perenced in taking men off by stealth.
so to speak, and the chances OF capturing
the killer would be thousandfold re-
duced.
Such a weapon would be the cherished
friend of the burglar and the highway
man. Moreover. it would offer temptation
to the timid. laundering for revenge for
imaginary or actual wrongs, but too much
I'm fear Of the law to take chance with
ordinary weapons such as an unimagina-
BILE number Of them would find 1t hard to
resist. But there can be no use in at
tempting to fill in any more Of the out
lines of such a picture.
Although when in actual service 1
never actually saw a model of such an in
vention, I used often to hear that such
models actually were in existence, usually
more or less under cover at the head
quarters Of the big firearm manufacturing
concerns. According to what I have
heard such models Of silent firearms were
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

Madam" quoth a white-whiskered
gent in open-front clothing. 1.-The COM
pany has prohibited smoking by pas
sengers. That rank smell you're kicking
about comes from the bum pipe in the
conductors pocket"
Which was about correct. A pipe about
seven years old. insistently smoked and
always full Of a doodle Of rank weed.
can kill a mule at long range when the
wind is right.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

high and mighties in the democratic
ranks gathered around Mr.. Macon's desk
and began telling him stories. 1t had been
q long time since he had been SO honored
He just was tickled to death. He hung
on their words and laughed his head or
at their jokes and basked in the sun
shine Of their favor.
e. and the bill is passed" auoth
Speaker Cannon, terminating the usual
formula.
Whereupon the high and mighties quit
the entertainment in the middle of a fine
story and blew back to their desks. Their
mission was accomplished. Then Mr..
Macon woke up.
Since then he cares very little for Jokes.
He thinks they have a hollow sound.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

NEVER before has there been such q
~ demand for a public document as for
the report of the Presidents homes COM
mission. AS Senator Bailey remarked the
other day In debate. this report would not
be permitted to go through the mails II
published by q private concern. He might
have gone even further than that and as
serted that the publishers of the volume
undoubtedly would have been sent to Jail
for life.
The report treats Of various subjects
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27

experimental with and put together by IN
ventors attached to these concerns more
with a view to ascertaining whether the
thing could be done than with any view
to patenting and exploiting such an inven-
ton. It argues pretty we'll. think, for
the character Of the men formerly at the
head of the firearm manufacturing con-
cerns-and there is no manufacturing
business In which there is keener COM
petition-that they have invariably turned
down in so far as commercial exploitation
is concerned these noiseless weapons.
Notwithstanding all Of the talk about
this invention Of Maxim's, believe that
no noiseless gun Or pistol ever VIII De
of all in the United States. The patent
office at Washington. of course. is obliged
to grant patents upon all sorts or new
appliances upon which applications for
power to refuse patents upon patentable
contrivances, and it has no privilege to
censor the character Of patents that snail
be issued. But 1t seems to me as If the
general government would promptly have
something to say about the general ex-
ploitation and common sale of silent
firearm.
Understand. 1 don't know whether Mr..
Maxim in making this invention, designs
it for general use or solely for the pur-
poses Of warfare. But in any case l am
willing to go on record as believing that
he has made an invention that will never
fetch him either profit or honor. If the
thing is meant merely for military fight
Ing. think 1t should be ruled out by an
agreement among the fighting powers.
They would probably view the matter
that war is sufficiently hideous as it is
waged under present conditions without
the introduction Of anything so inconoeiv-
ably devilish and sinister as a gun that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-02-27
CHE DOESN'T HOVER AROUND

AM firmly OF the
belief that within
the next five years
or so. everywhere
in this country,
the skids Will be
put under the tip
ping nuisance" OBJ
served a travelling
man who Keeps his
eyes open while he
travels. The no.
tipping scheme has