davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

they got to get it out, amt they?" re
quire my cousin.
What are Patriotism I require with
Sam Lloyd puzzled expression.
Patriotism say Nogi, ARE love Il
Country
4 should love this Country more if it
made less noise about it, dib because
1 got pin-wheels in my forehead
How foolish you Scent decrop Nogi
earnestly. IF July were not ushed
In with jolts & jounces fumigated with
smoke, it would not be July At would
be some other holiday. Each holiday
have its own peculiar curses by which
it is known from all others. Christmas
for sive-away, Thanksgiving for turkey
chop and July 4 for bang-up. If Sandy
Claus should appear shooting firecracks
or Geo. Washington was seen crawling
down chinlies with dolly-toys, both
would be arrested as hurgaries. What
could be more disgusted than a silent
July 4? If this sweet ceremony was not
exploded, spanked, blazed & shot full
of holes, how could you tell it from any
other Monday"
While we was thusly making lectures
s. Wanda. Japanese Socialist. arrive up
& rejoin into us.
when Socialism arrive" begin
Wanda
Have that date been postponed
again?" burst in Nogi.
when Socialism arrive consume this
Wanda with Debs eyebrows, "all Noise
shall be polished by law
such laws would be contrary to HUI
man Nature" arrange Nogi.
Human Nature shall also be polished
by law" corrode Wanda. "Socialistick
July will be calmest date Of all.
Strange Englishmans arriving to America
will require. What make this Nation so
stealthy to-day 'Hush-itr revoke all
Patriots; we are celebrating 1ndepend-
ence. Streets will be desolated from
trolley-rides & honk-ottos. Two-by-three
youthly boys & girls will make stealthy
tap-toe from one drugstore to another
TO enjoy slight saltwater ceremony.
Children Wishing to celebrate will be per-
mitted to wave flags & talk on hstorickel
subjecks. General closeup of all excit,
ing amusements. No symptom of noise
anywteres except by yonder lamp-post
where suffragette police lady are ar
resting a German foreigner for blowing
his nose like firecracker."
There are something worny about
such good government I dib.
What say Hon. Roosevelt to a Lady
what wish he would join himself to So
ciety for the Prevention of Nese?" re-
quire Nogi. "'He-say, .Ah, Mrs Madam,
no can do! If should become noiseess,
how would Hon. Congress know / wasn't
dead?'"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

pensive to find in these times OF hard
tariff
] shall believe that excuse. So this
Hon. Father donate 70 me S1.65 war in
demnity for Hon. Derby which was ex-
ploded apart. I am too proud 10 accept
this moneys but I do, because I am
aware of fashionable straw hats what
can be obtained price $685.
I walk EDWARDS throug,1 this rural
scenery. till bye-bye I arrive TO a very
miid-lookine Farm where patriotick
neishbors was doing a Pick Nick al
over front yard Orange-peels & lunca-
papers TO grass, 80 neighborly Ladies dis
guised as Goldfish of Liberty was drank
ing lemonades. BY farm-gate / sec one
with a infant artillery.
who do this Hon. Farm belong to-
l require.
Hon. Farmer Smith, report Child
putting on a hui red explosion.
Where are Hon. Farmer Smith,
please?' are next from me.
Gone to the City to get away from
the noise" say this rrching. So I take
O-Fido to trolley & do the same, thank
you.
Many persons. Mr.. Editor. believes that
July 4 should be slightly suppressed 50
to be more polite. IF pin-pnirls. dyna-
mites & sky-rackets is dangerous, why
should not persons be required by law
10 pass examinations & get license like
they was intending to run ottomobiIe
or some other crime? IF each American
child was made necessary to answer 6
hard questions in American History be-
fore getting permitted TO enjoy firecrack,
would he not be more intelligent shoot
er on July a.
What HISTORICAL questions should this
Hon. Child be asked to maze most good
for his brain? Following would be very
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
] feel somewhat similar to this.

KHR. EDITOR, July 4 are the only
4V4 date known TO Christians which
begin before 1t happens About June %
when Port Arthur sounds Of artillery
practice is heard on streets punctuated
when Star-spangly Banner begin floting
to blazes and you can distinctly smell
an insurance burning up under your bed
room, then you are aware that Nations
natal day OF glory are beginning TO be
shot off, as usual, two weeks ahead Of
time.
Last night Patriots obtain my dog
O-F'ido & attach a romantic candle to
his extreme appendix. O-Fido rosh
through gloam making sublime back-fire
with handsome appearance of sky-rocket
mingled with doggy yellup & banzai
am filled with angry RACES that human
persons should do such a loud trick to
my dunn friend.
So this morning arose with this dear
O'Fido & go to sweet grass fields OF
country where silence grows. But when
we arrived to suburbs Of trolley, how
mistake We was. Nearly all City Per
sons had did likesome to me s. got there
first. Each one & family was searching
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

cronick brain-ache which are less COM
Portable each time a boyish cannon wreck
some more echoes. Others say II are
merely foolish to try make historical
noises OH this date. When ears & eyes
is filled with such variety of hlazes going
off at once, how can nervus persons tell
whether they are patriotick or not?
This are TOO difficult reply for Japanese
Schoolboy.
My cousin NoGi, who arc educated in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

home town with my bare hands. He was
q small merchant tailor with weak lungs
and side wfliskers, and I've often thought
1 could have done 1t easy and regretted
that l didn't go ahead and try when
was in the humor for it.
"Then again when that muddIe arose
over the seal fisheries I was ready to
shoulder musket. I didn't have a
musket, but 1 was there with the Shout
der all right. l thought what a noble
animal the seal was and how he furnish
ed seal rings to the wealthy and sealing
wax to the middle classes and seaIskin
sacques, made out of mink, 10 the poor
but ambitious; am. I was willing to pro-
tect this faithful and fruitful creature
from British arrogance to the last ounce
Of wind in my lungs. / was SO. Why,
seriously thought, at one time, of petit
tioning the state legislature to change my
birthday to the Fourth Of July, and allow
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
Fifth to celebrate I'll

Fifth to celebrate the Fourth
wy not" inquired the House De-
tective. defiantly.
Certainly. why not?" said the Hotel
Clerk. Go forth with the safe and sane
giant cracker, the conservative skyrocket
and the meek. retiring Roman candle
and expend Your golden hours. and eye
lashes giving the kids a happy holiday.
Probably you've got more thumbs and
cars and noses and things than you need,
anyway. What's an ear. more or less.
but a matter of personal taste? And
what's a thumb good for except to mash
il when you're driving nails or to stick
i in your mouth when you're turning
tho leaves OF the family album? What 5
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

Of the fallen English dead with the ma
tional flower of the English race, which
is the veal kidney
"Wot makes you talk like that after
the way you wuz raised?" asked the
House Detective.
Because I've learned" said the Hotel
Clerk, that there's way to lick q
Britisher into the consistency of a York
shire dumping without loss of life, limb
or much perspiration. You lick him be-
fore you start and then you don't have
to start because he's already licked This
is system that works like a reversible
cuff It's mostly done by making mo-
lions and some loud talk and then Jerk
ing a couple of made-in- Germany Dread
naughts or an extra army corps into
sight the same as a conjurer taking
white rabbits out of a hat. When an
other nation does that little bit of parlor
magic, these times, and then looks
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

ANY noiseless SUBJ
scribers TO your
Hon. Paper is de-
liverlng letters -
you requiring You
IN ust do something
u make Hon. July
4 more quiet. They
make very plaintiff
peel 10 YOU. Some
SAYS they got
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
By Irwin S. Cobb.

PkESU ME-, SdtQ
the Hotel Clerk of
the st. Reckless,
that you, being
one of those i'll
fatuated parties
with a lot of fin
gers and time on
your hands 20
spare, will be 60
ing out on The
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

'.But I've experienced change Of
heart, Larry, I don't mind telling you.
In the light of recent events I'm sur
prised that the Society for Prevention Of
Cruelty to Children never got after US
for licking the British that time. The
war of 1872 will be mentioned as sec
ond offense on our part and history will
condemn US for our needless cruelty. The
way I feel now I wouldn't strike an
Englishman, not even II he was tied hand
and foot. Instead of observing the
Fourth of July with bands and fireworks
and third alarms and having the Declare
ton of Independence read to us by a
county attorney running for reelection
in q picnic grove. we ought TO send
suitable delegation to decorate the graves
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
Would NoiseIess July 4 BE
Legal?
BY HASHIMURA TOGO
wallace Irwin.

Copyright. 1909 by p. I. Collier SON.
To Editor Sunday Star who must worry
with brain 10 make everybody happy
and yet get Sufficient news to print,
Dear Sir
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

you'd been looking to for couple IF
hundred years for your kings wouldn't
seem dangerous because it had enlarged
its navy by the addition of a couple OF
dozen more floating grain elevators Or
added on a few thousand more soldiers.
any OF whom would heap rather be
back home at Bingen-on-the-Rhine smok-
ing pipe that looked like a queensware
tic cheeses under his arm to ripen 1t, than
marching around the country with his
chest all showed out, toting a heavy
hardware rifle that might prove actually
dangerous If loaded and discharged.
Besides. the German as marksman
is not particularly dangerous. except to
himself and friends. If he prefers 20
drink his beer outdoors with green uni
form on, he may belong to German
target club and frequently does; but
never heard Of any perfect score being
made at a schuetzenfest. The Hessian.
our ancient foe. excels In certain indoor
sports. such as pinochle. bowling and
suicide by gas: but he's no little Johnny
Baker or Young Buffalo Bill when it
comes to breaking glass balls with 3
Winchester repeater. There never was =
Wurtemburger yet that wouldn't rather
sing at you than shoot at you: his work
is more necessarily fatal that way. The
German Is fighter. but he'd rather not
fight. He'd rather refer it to the COM
mittee on rules. and while waiting for
them to report sit down comfortably
somewhere and have a little kumnel and
sing Och du Lieber Ausustin,' two CT
three hundred times. And ! don't blame
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

around for the Britisher who composed
the audience. there's only the audiences
umbrella, his portable bathtub and his
travelling shawl lying on the ground
where he dropped EN-. He's UP at the
top of the nearest tree signaling for help
in a loud tone of voice.
1--WE learned how the stunt was done
just by watching our friend, the kaiser.
He's the lad that turned the trick
originally, and having found how easy
1t was the first time, he now responds to
an encore every time he thinks he'd en-
joy the sight Of his esteemed uncle.
Edward G. Rex, giving spirited imita-
ton OF dirigible balloon on its way up.
II don't know any particular reason
why the English should fear the Ger
mans. They've been good neighbors and
customers in the past and freely patron
lied each other. The English in particu-
lar were very patronizins. It's national
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

nose but an excuse for influenza in the
winter and an invitation to hay fever for
weekend party in the summer? What's
an eyebrow to a man who appreciates his
patriotic duty? You can nearly always
grow another. and anyhow won't you
have one left: Too many OF them might
make your face look overbalanced.
"Sure, why not? Go as far as you
like; the ambulance will bring you back,
no doubt, and if you're lucky enough TO
be In the center of things when the light
ed cigar butt falls into the barrel of pin
wheels, it's more than likely therell be
quite piece about you in the paper. I'd
enjoy reading it
"Ain't you got no patriotic feelin'?"
asked the House Detective Amt you
proud because our forefathers licked the
Britiehy'
4
Il used to be-" said the Hotel Clerk
so were all our folks. We've always
been one Of the most patriotic families
you'd find anywhere. I had cousin who
was the only genuine Daughter Of the
Revolution in the country. She was given
a ride at country fair before she could
walk
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
Going Forth on the Celebrate Fourth? Asks the Hotel Clerk

Of dealing
The
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
US A WALLoP.

aloft At last accounts it was 5000 feet
up and still going. Recorded tempera~
ture, 1903: tongue badly furred; eyes wild
and rolling; patient nervous and highly
excitable. The drum-beat and the tweed
suit of that proud race have been heard
around the world for a century, but We're
just now finding out the English make
their fastest time when the pacemaker
ing a club,
1T sheds strong light, Larry. on
phase OF the British character that would
have been worth a great deal to us
hundred and thirty odd years ago if we'd
only known about it at the time. II
our information had been then what it is
now we could have dispensed with the
Boston tea party. where We struck n
vital blow at the very roots of English
society and English institutions by up
setting some tea; and also the battle OF
Of the period.
"A cultivated German accent and a
large sudden bluff would undoubtedly
have done the trick and George Washing
ton would have had a country TO be the
father of eight or ten years earlier than
he did. It was a shame to use our fists
on them. Larry. and I don't mind COM
ing right out and acknowledging it, even
at this late day
''Dye think, like some people does. that
England is an eSpirin' country" asked
the House Detective.
We'll, if she ever does expire, it'll
prove that those who live by the bluff
die by the bluff said the Hotel Clerk.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04

me to start in celebrating It on the ar
morning Of the nth Of March. tn
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Evade Prohibition Laws.

WASHINGTON, March l. A bill
that will drive the express companies
out of the liquor business in "dry"
territory has just passed the house,
adding another mark to the record Of
the prohibition lobby. 1t may not be
generally known that the express
companies are in the saloon business
but they are. Their profits in "dry"
territory are enormous.
The game is this: Distillers ship
original packages in small quantities
across the state line into prohibition
states addressed to "John Jones'"
civilian Smith," and other fake
names, sending the packages in half
dozen or dozen lots, c. o. D. All the
man with the thirst has to do is to go
into the express Office and ask for q
package addressed to "John JONES'"
He gets it, and pays the charges. The
trans action is lawful, because the
shipment is interstate in character.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Railroad Must Pay Fine.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 24.-The verdict
of the United States circuit court for
the southern district of New York,
imposing fine of s10s, 900 on the New
York Central Railroad company, on
the charge of granting rebates to the
American Sugar Refining company,
was affirmed today by the supreme
court of the United States.
The rebates to the American Sugar
Refining company were given on ship
ments of sugar in 1908 from New York
to Cleveland and Detroit. Six offenses
were charged and fines of s1s, 900 each
were imposed by the trial court.
The government prosecuted under
the interstate commerce and Elkins
laws. Between New York and Cleve.
land the railroads published tariffs
called for q charge of q cents per 100
pounds, while the rate to Detroit was
% cents. The cut in the first instance
was five cents and in the second two
cents.
The court also rendered similar
decision, upholding the lower court in
the case of q shipment to Cleveland,
in which fine of S26, 900 was imposed.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Would Bar Alien Stockmen,

CARSON, Feb. 26.-The senate of
the Nevada legislature has passed an
anti. alien grazing bill which has al.
ready been adopted by the assembly.
It is in the form of joint concurrent
resolution providing that all aliens
and foreigners shall be excluded from
federal and state grazing lands. 1t
concludes as follows:
Resolved, by the assembly and SEN
ate jointly, that our senators and rep.
resentatives in congress be urged and
requested to do all in their power to
secure action by the federal govern
ment looking to the exclusion from the
public domain and government re.
serves of all sheep and cattle not
owned by citizens of the Uniied
States.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Denounced Secret Service.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 25. - BY an
overwhelming vote, and without party
distinction. the house today sustained
the committee on appropriations in
again providing in the sundry civil
appropriation bill for restricting the
oper ations of the secret service detec.
tives.
Mr.. Smith, republican, Iowa, a
member of the appropriation COM
mittee and one of those named by the
president in his message of Janury 4
as being responsible for the secret
service limitations, seemingly en-
ployed all the invective at his COM
mand in an attack on that service.
he compared the secret service detec.
tives with common liars.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Swindled BY Money Machine.

NEW YORK, Feb. 25.-Through an
investigation in the Essex market po-
lice court it has been disclosed that q
band of swindlers have been victimiz.
ing ignorant men and women on the
east side by means of a mysterious
machine which they asserted would
increase money If placed therein.
Joseph Rosenthal, a tailor, com.
planned that he had placed $500 in the
machine at the suggestion of Benja-
min Bloem, fellow tailor, and that
after waiting II hours as directed,
had opened the contrivance to find
that 1t contained only worthless pa.
per. Bloem was held ini %, 900 bail
for trial.
Henry Lampkin of Brooklyn, COM
planned that he had lost $3.50 in the
same manner and inquiry by the po.
lice showed that an Italian had in.
vested $1,000 in the money breeder
and had not received cent in return.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Settlers May Get Land.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 25.--The sen ate
public lands committee authorized q
favorable report on the bill, which,
as passed by the house, separates the
surface and the mineral rights of pub.
lie land entries with amendments
directing that in case of all final proof
entries heretofore made for agricultur-
al lands that patents issue regardless
of subsequent discovery of coal and
placing the burden of proof on the
government in all cases to determine
that the lands contain coal.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
near Brownsville in one of the best
fruit districts in the country.
Opposed To Salary Increase.

WASHINGTON, Feb. 4.-With it's
warpaint on the house of representa-
tives today defied the senate by re-.
jecting its amendments to the legisla.
tive appropriation bill providing for
salary increases for the president, the
vice president, the speaker, the judi
cisry and for the creation of the Offices
Of under secretary and fourth assist
ant secretary of state. Party lines
were obliterste completely.
Not before during the present con.
gress has the speaker been compelled
to WELD his gavel with such force to
bring order as today. OF parliamen-
tary tangles there were many, but the
veteran presiding officer emerged with
his decisions undisputed. After six
hours discussion the bill was sent
back to conference. So much time
was consumed that q night session
was made necessary for the discussion
of the sundry civil appropri alton bill
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
WILL MEET AT BILLINGS.
Dry F.'m Congress Next November
In Yellowstone County.

CHEYENNE, Feb. 25.-At the session
OF the Trans. s.Missouri Dry Farming
congress this morning, the congress
concurred in the recommendatio of
the legislative committee that the next
place of meeting will be at Billings,
Montana. The time of the congress
was also fixed for November of this
year, the exact date to be fixed by the
executive committee.
The committee also recommended
the elimination of the words "Trans.
Missouri from the name of the con-
gress, leaving simply the DRY Farm
ing congress"
The Billings deleg cation guaranteed
to raise fund sufficient for the ex-
peuses of the meeting.
In addition to the address by Pro.
fessor Campbell, which was frequently
interrupted by questions, Hon. John
Henry Smith of Salt Lake, made an
eloquent address on the development
of the west and spoke at great length
on the work of the pioneers of Utah
and other western states who had by
irrigation and dry farming conquered
the desert.
The congress unanimously adopted
a resolution declining to advocate any
special method of dry farming, and
favoring the investigation of all
methods. After struggle in which
the name "intern ationalsdry farming
congress" was advocated by many
delegates, the name of the organiza.
tion was changed to the "dry farming
congress-" and resolutions were
adopted providing for q permanent
headquarters for the congress, and the
spread of dry farming information
throughout the world. In this latter
project government assistance is
asked.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-03-03
Bryan Buys a Ranch.

PUEBLO, Feb. A.-Former Governor
Alva Adams of this city, states that
Wm. j. Bryan told him in Denver
Sunday that he had recently purchased
fruit ranch in Texas, of 160 acres,
which he is now having planted with
the intention of having it bearing by
the time he is sixty years of age, when
he expects to derive considerable rev.
enue from it. he will then spend his
winters there. The ranch is located