Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1909-03-18
TWO OF A
KIN D
Warmneck Tried to Hurry Things
In the Laundry.

The man with the flaming eyes, the
perspiring forehead and the all-het-up
look stormed into the laundry the
other afternoon and started right in
to unlink
Say, look a-here, YOU" he bawled,
pounding with both fists on the coun-
ter and endeavoring to impale the
young man behind the laundry desk
with his eye, what's the matter with
my laundry, hey?"
You are Mr.. Warmneck, aren't
you, and YOU the young man be-
mind the desk started to say, not yet
realizing that he was only going to be
feeder for the caloric monologue
That's who l am" shouted the
man with the perspiry forehead and
things, "and | want to tell you here
and now that it isn't going to be
worth your while to try to pump any
south breeze into me- What | de-
mand to know, and to know real
quick, bub, is this: Where's my laun-
dry, hey?"
Its"
It's got to be done, that's ALL
There are no ifs, ands or butts about
it. Your DANCED old one-horse out
ut promised to have 1T done by five
O'Clock this afternoon, and | want it,
that's all. No blast furnace Boreas
conversation is going to take the
place of that lingerie gear with me-
want that linen junk, swabbed or I'M
swabbed, and | want it right now.
Got that?"
Your stuff is"
20, I've heard that kind of spiel
about 100000 times before, but you
are not a-going to zephyr me along
with it this time, You're going to try
to fan me with the gnome narrative
| that my stuff's all swabbed and ironed
and ready, but that it isn't sorted out
yct-that your regular sorters hat
blew off or something while he was
out at lunch to-day, and that you had
| to get slow man to fill his job, and
all like that that away. But you're
not going to ease that one into me
| this time, Johnny. I'm doing the spot
| light part of this sketch myself, and
what | want is my laundry, and |
| don't care hang whether it's drip
| ping With suds right out of the boil
| ing vat or not. I'm a-going to tote it
away with me. if have to lug part
OF these works with it. So YOU want
to get active; dye hear that"
I'm trying to tell you that your
stuff vas
Was delayed in transit-uh-uh-
| I've had that one pulled on me a lot
of previous times, too But there's
| going to be no such thing as your
| greasing by with that one this trip.
| When | handed that outfit of lingerie
over to this plant Wednesday even
| ing told you pinheads that was go
| ing away Friday evening, which is
right now, dye get that2-light now!
You famed me along with consfgn-
ment OF superheated atmosphere
| about having ii marked special, and
having ii all sealed, signed and de
| livered by five o'clock Friday even
ing-which | repeat is now, Dye
think I'm going to vamp out of this
| town in a suit of coal heavens dun
garees? Have you got the idea in
| Your conk that I'm going to glide up
and down the street of The town I'm
| going to be arrayed in n G string and
| an effulgent grin? Dye imagine that
| I'm going TO strive to make three
| sheet hit on the thoroughfares of that
| burg attired in navajo blanket and
a cocoanut oiled top-knot? Dye think
I'm going TO stand for a pinch by
| walking around in a suit of baby blue
paiamas? Say. you, gimme my laun-
/ dry-I don't care whether it's doused
| in bluing or not--I want it,
| Just al this stage the proprietor of
the laundry emerged from the back
room, walked around the counter to
where the customer was standing
grabbed him by both lapes of his coat
with his sinewy hands, put him under
| the pinpoint focus of his bright hazel
eyes, and remarked unto him i'll a
tone that was redolent OF meaning
and business:
Say, Butch. stop that gnashing of
all the enamel off your teeth and
| sprinkling the floor with pumice stone.
| It's too nice weather for that stuff
Cut out that xylophone work and hand
us a little of the WOODY saxophone
music for a change. Nobodys abus-
ing you. Nobody's got you under the
| gun Take a reef or two in your
| tops'l halyards and tinkle out of this
Turkestan typhoon that you're in. or
the first thing you know you'll be re-
I duced to about two quarts of lubricat-
| ing oil, and it'll serve you right We
promised to finish and deliver your
laundry by five o'clock this evening,
didn't We? Well, just you make a
noise like hoop, now, and roll away
to your chambers and you'll probably
| find your lingerie heaped up on your
| bunk The wagons were all out and
| we rang up messenger boy and sent
it to your address, just two and one
quarter minutes before you cycloned
| III here with Your blaze on. My young
| man has been trying to tell you this
1 u 4