davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
AYHAWKER JOTS

''The boy who used to think because
he could smoke he was a man, must
now" says the Fort Scott Republican,
prove il TO the officers
An Atchison grocer played a Joke"
on law enforcement customer a few
days ago, the Globe says. The custom
er went into the store with a bottle for
some gasoline. DO you believe in law
enforcement" inquired the grocer. II
most certainly do replied the Gus
toner, and then went on to discuss the
necessity Of law observance. After he
had finished the grocer said: well,
forcement of all laws, I cannot sell you
any gasoline. The state law provides
that a grocer who sells gasoline in any
thiLg but red can or red bottle lays
himself liable to the law And he
wouldn't sell the gasoline.
THE Smith County Pioneer expects
to see an account in his home paper
any day of Old Bill Shiftless being ar
rested and fined for whipping his wife.
1t will never occur. Mrs. Shiftless is
suffering, but if Bill ever starts rough
house st home she will knock his block
off in less than two seconds. Bill is
afraid of her, too. He is mighty care
full what he says around the house, af
ter his wife losses her head couple
of times. If Mrs. Shiftless had a lit
tie more spunk she would boss Old
Bill around all the time. She could
make him do a lot of work if she
only knew 1t. Bill is in a fine position
to be the most henpecked man in
town, but poor Mrs. Shiftless fails to
grasp the golden opportunity. She ap-
pears content to toll from morning
until night. She still imagines her
work is a labor of love. She is con-
tent to let Bill spend the money she
makes from the chickens for tobacco.
She hasn't spoken a cross word to him
in several months. But some day the
scales will fall from her eyes and she
will pick up the rolling pin and drive
Bill and his white mans burden out
into the barnyard, where he will have
to scratch like blue blazes If he ex-
poets to eat. Mrs. Shiftless is a very
worthy woman, but like so many 9TH
ers similarly situated, she still loves. "
Osborne Farmer.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

You love him very much % he
asked. suddenly
I'm not sure" Miss Lavinia MUIR
INJURED in the darkness.
We'll, there's one thing would
like to say right here" the little man
stated. II wish to withdraw from the
case, Miss Lavinia-'
oh" she gasped. but can't do
Cant you?" he cried, radiantly.
"do you mean that you could love me
I've wanted to tell you how much
loved you for a long tirne-only
there was John Forbes
ooh, didn't dream" Miss La
vinia fluttered.
It's more than human nature can
stand" McDermott went on, Ito exc
pect a man who loves you to go and
bring back another man to marry
you.''
Yes she agreed, timidiy, eft is.
II think If you wish tive will
drop the case of John Forbes, Mr..
McDermott"
Bat McDermott didn't drop the
case. He went West and looked up
the old lover and found him neither
single nor married nor dead But he
ton.
He isn't worth another thought"
McDermott said, holly. when he came
back. "And I'm not saying that be-
cause I'm prejudiced, either"
well, it relieves my mind to
know" the lady confessed. "and, any
how, if l hadn't tried to find him I
wouldn't have met you-and-"
You have promised to marry me
in October said her lover, triumph
Forbes or any other man-when you
are going to be Mrs. McDermott.''-
Copyright, 1909, by Associated Liter.
airy Press.)
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

LFrom the Chicago News.]
One way to get ahead is to patronizs
a cabbage dealer.
A physician heals others for the pur-
rose of "heeling" himself
Every man is a soloist when it comes
to singing his own praises.
All men are born free and equal and
remain so until they marry.
People who think they are the whole
thing are entitled to another think.
It's easy to figure how you can save
money, but saving it Is another mat
ter.
Beware of the man who never gets
angry; there's u screw loose somewhere.
A thick skull enables a man to keep
a lot of useless knowledge out OF his
head.
In order to pose as a successful fish,
erman one must possess good imagi-
nation.
When some men parade around they
in agine they attract as much attention
a circus
It's almost impossible for man to
keep in the straight and narrow path IL
he is driving a mule.
OF course specializing or dealing in
futures sounds more refined than gamb-
ling, but man will lose just as much.
Some men are not very enthusiastic
about going to heaven. They know
they will he allowed to smoke in the
other place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
HUNOR or THE Day

IT don't know where to go this summer"
| They all say their board is good" Yes;
I wish / could write for samples. wash
| ington Herald.
why. a week ago you were loudly de-
manding that corporations should be tax
cdr But an uncle of mine has since
died and left me ten shares of stock in
one."-Chicago Record-Herald.
| Restless Roger-It always makes me sad.
old pal, to think Sl that 5, the earth Is two
Suppose the rest of it was soap instead Of
land.-Ally Sloper's.
The Sailing NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. Ell, old
man? His Victim-Oh, very.-Life-
Farmer Winrow-There's always two
Hayboy-Yep; yours and the right side.
Peleg.-Puck.
Hm1Iye come to c0nelq 4sss He. Her
have Nel been 5e ~ bachgIor Tor thirty-sisht
years and-a Heron, y ok, this is 30 SUI
den! Him-And I've decided that I'd had
bully time and that I'd keep 1t up
Cleveland Leader.
Tourist-Is it true that no drinking, is
state? The Depot Master-Its true. What
| times does the next freight train leave?"-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
'Jebbers doesn't appear to have the
slightest idea Of practical politics" yes.
ton of ignorance on the subject proves
him a most astute politician. "-Washing-
ton Star.
Heiress-Do you examine titles, Mr..
Lawyer? lawyer do, ma'am. Heiress-
Well, this is my fiasco. Lord Preserveus.
I'd like you to examine his title before we
get married. I'd hate to get stung.-Judge.
Father-Now. look here. you girIs-when
you grow up one of you must be able to
speak French, and the other German.
Brenda-An right, dad; and Muriel had
better learn German. because she can
gargle best.-Punch.
What is remorse, pa?" "Remorse, my
son, is the feeling that comes over
man in July when he remembers how he
found fault with the cold and blustery
Head of Weather Bureau-What qualifi-
cations have you for position in our de-
partment? Applicant-In beam guessing
contest once UP State 1 guessed $50, and
there were is, AGO beans in the Jar.-Yale
Record.
The Lady-But why have you left your
other positions so often? The Would-Be
Cook-Please, ma am. because I've got
nine brothers. four of 'em policemen. and
none of my mistresses'll believe that they
are my brOthers!-Red Hen.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
GLOBE SIGHTS.
rFrom the Atchison Glob,

rFrom the Atchison G1obe.1
Some people are so stingy that
they are dishonest.
Neighbors living next door to a
baby often lie about its SmartnesS as
much as its parents.
If you think people have had men,
cries, that's another proof that you
have always behaved yourself.
People sympathize with you in or
der to tell you they have seen a great
deal worse trouble themselves.
A girl, who has at any time taken
part in an amateur show. can't wash
the dishes without assuming a trag
ical air.
"Ir our family said a woman re-
Gently, "the children were never
whipped. Poor papa got all the pun
ishment."
Spend your money on yourself, if
you can't save it; don't give it to
agents for something you don't want,
and then feel like a fool afterwards.
So long as a woman is in perfect
health. she has only her preacher to
rave about. but after she has had to
have a doctor. her praise service is
divided.
A woman who does nothing but
play whist, and attend receptions,
should be as ashamed of herself as
man who drinks whisky and plays
seven-up.
The Lancaster Literary society went
all to pieces in an extraordinary ses-
sion recently, called for the purpose
of discussing this question: How
Much Should a Husband Endure?"
The average man. when he sees a
watermelon. thumDs it to see if it is
ripe. Every man thinks he can tell
If a watermelon is ripe by humping
it. He learned the art in stealing
them.
AS soon as a woman gets married,
it begins to show in the knot of hair
on the back of her head. We can
look at the knot of hair on the back
of any woman's head. and tell
whether she is married or single.
When a woman has been married
as long as two years, and none of his
folks come to visit her. the suspicion
is confirmed that they don't match
up with her anti-wedding tales of
their wealth and greatness
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
QUAKER REFLECTIONS.

TFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
Pleasure is almost anything we can't
afford.
The man who is blind to his own in
terests is seldom interesting.
Don't try a bluff with the elevator
boy; he will always take you up.
A girl is never happy till she falls
in love- and then she is miserable.
It's all right to get there with both
feet, but the busy bee gets there with
his tail.
Some men are like some postage
stamps. You can't get them up to the
sticking point.
Most of us have a skeleton in the
closet. but few of us have sense enough
to keep it there.
There is quite a difference between
the man who makes his mark and the
man whose wife makes him toe it.
Wigg-"f wonder why a woman al
ways reads the last chapter of a novel
first" Wagon, women always jump
at conclusions"
Blobos-"Poor old Bjones is always
getting the worst of it, Slobbs-''Yes.
that fellow can't even buy collar with
cut getting it in the neck"
"Chance shapes our destinies," quoted
the Wise Guy. well. all / have to say
is that some of us have mighty pooE
shapes" added the Simple Mug.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

grain and orchards, but do no serious
damage to forage crops.
Bindweed usually occurs on bottom
lands and rich prairie soils 1t is some
times found growing in patches. but
it is more common to lind it dis
tributed more or less generally over
the field. Its depth of roofing is gov
erned largely by the nature of the
soil.
The underground parts are of two
forms. exemplified by hedge bindweed
and field bindweed; the first is propa-
gated by rootstocks and the second by
roots. The nature of the underground
parts Of both of these forms indicates
that the top growth must be kept
down, thereby starving out the roots
and rootstocks. in order to eradicate
Several methods for accomplishing
this eradication have been successful.
Clean cultivation is one of the best in
many cases. 1t is essential to employ
such implements as will keep down the
top growth successfully. Where the
weed occurs in patches these should be
marked off and given special atten-
ton.
The bindweed may be greatly re-
duced or entirely destroyed by seeding
the land to alfalfa. The frequent cut
ting and the shading effect of this
crop are the determining factors. AL
waited crop to complete the work of de-
struction.
Pasturing with hogs has been sue
cessful in killing bindWeed, since hogs
parts. This method can be used with
both ordinary pasture and fallow land.
Results can probably be obtained in
less time in the latter case.
Several other methods have been
tried, but they are for the most part
of doubtful value. The use of chem
icals has not been attended with much
success in the control of this weed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
IFrom the New York Press.l

IFrom the New York Press.l
The reason the average person
thinks he knows so much is he knows
SO little.
A girl can hardly ever learn to like
a man that she can't teach to be
jealous.
A man can spend pretty much his
whole life learning that the thing he
thought he wanted wasn't it.
Even if a girl knows better than to
marry man she knows better than
to run the risk of not getting married
at all.
The average man would rather play
the fool at something anybody else
could do better than do what he
really can.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
JOURNAL ENTRIES

Attractiveness. unlike beauty, has to
be more than skin deep.
n n
1t is generally the bachelors who ad-
n,ire the women who can argue.
= =
Many persons are good simply be-
cause temptations do not float their
way.
This is the season of the year when
the events, around which most of the
fish stories are woven. never happen.
There is this satisfaction for a whole
lot of people. They need not worry
about the possibility of brain fever at
lacking them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the State journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
60 any address at the rate OF ten
cents n week or thirty cents a month
A(by mail onIy.) Address changed as
often as desired. While out of town
the State journal will be to you like
. daily letter from home.
Advance payTSent Is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

''In a 1egal sense the old Central
Branch Railroad has been abolished, ;"
says the Kansas City Star. "At a re-
cent meeting of the Missouri Pacific
directors it was decided to merge all
OF the subsidiary companies into the
main corporation. But for sentimental
reasons the Central Branch will en-
dure until the present generation in
Northern Kansas has passed away
Let no one forget, though, that the
reasons are purely sentimental.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Many Kansans have been so fortu-
nate as to get land allotments in the
Spokane drawing. The chances are
that they could have secured much
finer farm lands right here in Kansas,
but, of course, they would have had
to pay more for them.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

The possibility of motor cars run
ming amuck as efficient engines of war
has been demonstrated in England
where one such automobile moved
down a whole column of troops, killing
couple of them and severely injuring
several more
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

the greatest fish story that has ever
been told? Is it ut desirable that the
Kansas fish commissioner should have
the means handy for refreshing his
memory on the experiences of Jonah
and the whale? Surely.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Investigation shows that the appoint
ments which have been made by Gov
ernor Stubs are we'll distributed,
geographically speaking, all over the
state. Opponents Of the administra-
ton will insist at once that this is
prima facie evidence that the governor
is leaving no stone unturned to build
ND a Square deal'' machine
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

More liberties are to be granted to
the convicts at the states pri-on by j.
K. Codding, the new warden. 1t prob
ably won't be long now before fellows
who are in search OF II pleasant place
to pass their time will be using their
ingenuity to break into this institu-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Rumors are running around in Lon
don yachting circles to the effect that
King Alfonso of Spain is regarded as
possible challenger for the Americas
cup. 1t would appear that there are
few things in Spain which reed his
maiestY,s attention to a greater extent
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

In contemplating the proposed bal
loon ascension by Mrs. Alice Roosevelt
Longworth as one of the attractions at
the Boston Cattle Show the Atchison
Globe thinks that the color named for
that young woman should have been
the Alice yellow
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Delegates to the National Irrigation
congress have decided to ask the fed
eral government for $50. 100000 in an
nual instaIlnents of 100000 each to
aid in the work OF irrigating arid
lands. This is trifie more reasonable
than their original intention of asking
for five billion dollars for this PURPOSE
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

What could be more natural than
that James K. Hackett should be sorry
that there has been no reconciliation
between him and his wife, Mary Man
nering? He was able to borrow no less
than $4,000 from her before they be-
came eStranged.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

A half million dollars is to be ex-
pended in repairs on the new battleship
Maine which is soon to be laid I'D in
dry dock. 1t strikes the Lowell Courier
Citizen that battleship wears about
as we'll as 80 cent parasol.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

One Of the heads of the New York
Telephone company says it is stupid
for a woman to look ugly. 1t is also
unfortunate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

The Pennsylvania railroad engineer
who stopped his train in order to res
cue a kitten asleep on the tracks would
never make much of a success as an
automobile chauffeur
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
FROM OTHER PENS
IMPRUDENT BANKING.

With the first reports of frosts in the
autumn the treasury department be-
ashes that represent the savings of
frugally inclined, but thoughtless fam
lilies. Then the redemption division
goes to work with magnifying glasses
fortunate claimant. Occasionally, after
pa1nstaking work with microscope and
Bertillon measurement, a bill can be
identified, but in most cases the results
of these poSt-cremation inquestS are
anything but comforting to the man o.
poor memory who selected the stove as
a place of deposit.
There are so many such cases that
the treasury department has issued
warning against the practice of hiding
money in stoves. The department is
redeeming money at the rate of about
$2,OOO,O0O a day Its officials say the
work of redemption is becoming more
arduous all the time, as the people ara
becoming more fastidious about the
kind of bills they accept The public
is getting to banker for the new, crisp
dency to reject soiled and ragged cur
rency. Scientists have created such a
racket about microbes in money that
almost any bill that doesn't have the
press is looked upon with suspicion
Louisville Courier-Journal.
POORLY LIGHTED COACHES.
Foreigners travelling in the United
States generally express surprise at
the large proportion of Americans
who wear glasses 1t is conceded that
a large proportion of the injury to our
eyes comes from reading and trying
to read on board trains; and that the
sum total of this injury is increasing
proportionately to the increase in
travel as the country. its transporta-
ton facilities, and the travelling habit
develop.
A large proportion of travellers in
this country are on the trains during
the three to five hours of the evening,
when the outside scenery is invisible,
and when each person would, there
fore, like to read. The inferior light
ing of our American railway passen-
ger coaches-due mainly to INSULT
cient light, but also partly to the dark
colors of the interior finish of the
coaches. absorbing the lights re-
sponsible for much of the damage to
our eyes, and renders impossible the
real comfort Of reading during the
longest and most monotonous hours |
OF Observation-Disclosures Post.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Londoners want the fight between
Jeffries and Johnson pulled off in their
midst. Let them have it by all means.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

Few persons will probably get any
consolation out of the thought that
the weather might be warmer than it
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16

That request of Colonel T. Benton
Murdoch for the state to furnish him
with a Bible for the library of the
state fish and game commissioners Of
ice would appear to be most reason
abba ond. Does not that book record
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
THE ANGLEwoRM.

One cannot say the angleworm is pretty
to behold;
Throughout his life's enduring tenn his
feet and hands are cold,
And yet we ike TO see him SQuirm from
out the garden mold.
His way across the path we trace by
many a zigZag wind;
He leaves, whene' er he changes pace, a
funny trail behind.
And tagging his erratic chase his new
abode we find.
A rainy dawn will bring him out to view
the Sodden EARTH
This habit proves beyond a doubt he is
no bird of mirth:
And here is where we hang about and
grip his middle girth.
Within "a pail this lengthy beast takes on
a fairer guiSe;
We do not love him in the least, and yet
not one denies
That on his shape we like to feast our
fish-illusioned eyes.
Anon we Saunter 10 the brook where
trout are known to bite,
And telescope with subtle hook this
earthwo.Al lank and light;
For hOWSOe'er d brute may look it should
be used Alright.
Again we say the angleworm is not a
thing of joy,
And yet it seems to feed the germ of
pleasure in a boy.
And We old angler will affirm he loves
with it to toy.
New York SIM
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
Dog and Cat Heroes.

Nellie, a dog, and Minnie, a cat,
gave an alarm yesterday of a fire in
147 West Forty-third street which
drew large crowd from Broadway
and caused firemen much trouble be-
fore it was extinguished. A. r. Pack
ard, the proprietor of the house, in
which many actors and actresses live,
no longer regards the mystic number
g unlucky, because Nellie has been
thirteen years in the family and Min
ME has thirteen kittens.
Annie Smith. maid, was at work
in a room on the top floor of the
four-story brownstone house at noon,
when Nellie and Minnie rushed in.
Nellie was barking excitedly and the
cat was mewing piteously. Nellie
seized Annie's skirt and tried to drag
her toward the stairs. The girl be-
came frightened. She feared both the
dog and cat had gone mad from the
heat. Just then she smelled smoke
as it worked its way up the stairway,
and it dawned upon her what the
animals were doing. She hurried
downstairs, warning every one as she
went. and there was a stampede for
the street.
Nor was the excitement confined to
that house. 1t was q basement fire,
and the smoke poured out of the win
dows of the adjoining Cadillac hotel
and other neighboring places. After
the $500 fire had been extinguished
the dog was discovered in the base
ment unconscious. She was restored
by DR.. Walker Addison Shoalas, a
tenant in the house.--New York
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-16
Mosquitoes Tie Up Town.

Mosquitoes are so numerous here
that business practically has been sus-
pended. They invaded one of the
largest glass factoriees, where 200
men were at work blowing glass, and
drove the men out. Freight brakemen
on the Maurice River railroad also
were put to flight last night by the
voraciouS insects, which flew by mil
lions from the adjoining swamps.
There were times today when the
pests were so thick in this town that
the sun was obscured. "Smudges'
or smoke fires are going in all Sec
tons Horses and cows have been
corralled in the barnyards, and
"smudges'' are kept burning on the
windward side of the Enclosures so the
smoke will prevent the insects eating
the animals alive.
The local supply of netting has been
exhausted, and hurry orders for more
have been sent by wire to Camden
and Philadelphia. Not in years have
the mosquitoes been SO numerous or
so bloodthirsty. For two hours after
the swarm invaded the glass factory
the 200 men tried to fight it off Fin
ally the mosquitoes became so thick
melting pots or the glass at the end
of the blowpipes. 1t also was discov-
cred that much of the glass blown was
SO full of the insects that it was I'M
marketable. The chief trouble. how
ever, was the torture to which the
men were subjected as they were only
partly clad.-Millville On. j. dis
patch to New York Press.