davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
HYHAWKER JOTS

It is pointed out by Henry Allen that
the bank guarantee law has already
guaranteed several lawyers fees of fat
proportions.
The Wichita Beacon thinks that kan
SaS bids fair to produce enough grain
so that the breakfast food fellows can
use little of it in their preparations.
The Severance News claims to
know farmer in its locality who is
such a liar that the hogs won't come
when he calls them to feed.
A Sa1ina baker advertised that he
would give 100 1oaves of bread to the
poor on a certain day, but none
appeared. Charlie Blakesley thinks
that nobody showed up because but
ter was not included.
"If you can't push In a tack with
your thumb. why use a sledge?" asks
the Minneapolis Messenger. The
trouble usually comes from using the
thumb and the sledge at the same
time. adds Mack Gretchen.
A Franklin county man, eighty
on the railroad cars, is planning to
take a little excursion to California
via them. The Fort Scott Re
publican says that If he likes the ex-
perience he may come back again.
The report that the Dickinson county
press is subsidized received additional
confirmation the other day when the
editor of the Chronicle admitted that
the president of one OF the banks hao
handed him a new Lincoln cent. The
nefarious deal has not yet been probed
to the bottom.-Lawrence World
Ewing Herbert, who owns an auto
mobile says: 1.-The interest on an
auto is $50 a year on the thousand:
A set of tires can't last over year, If
used. They cost from. $40 to $40
each. A car depreciates one-third IN
vaue each year, SO, at the end of
three years a car is worth just what
you can get out of it. 1t will cost
from SIS to $40 a month to own and
run q car. That's the truth"
Murel Burkett poured oil of mus
tard down the back of a small boy,
lives at Newton, a town much given
TO humor and gaiety, and there is no
doubt that he had lots OF fun. But the
officers believed that he had carried
joke too far. and he has been arrested,
and it may be hoped that he will enjoy
a season Of repose at Lansing, says the
Emporia Gazette and so say we all of
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Viola's mother expl-ined as she clung
to her daughter.
''It couldn't have happened at a more
unfortunate time. To begin with Mr..
Pickering was annoyed. He makes such
a hobby OF punctuahty, you know. And
then when Leonard and Bessie came in
-
She raised her head from viola's
shoulder. and looked sharply at the
daughter home. Raymond bore her
scrutiny in silence 1t was Viola who
prompted her impatiently.
Go on. mamma. When Leonard and
Bessie came in
"1t was of course entirely absurd"
declared Vdola's mother, persistently
addressed herself to Raymond, but
one must make allowances for a low
cr's natural jealousy. When Leonard
and Bessie said that you had been with
them all afternoon, and that you and
Viola had suddenly disappeared, the
poor man jumped to the conclusion that
you had-eloped."
There was an impressive silence
which Viola improved by removing her
hat.
''Of course we must explain at once,
Viola's mother continued. would 1t
be better for you to phone him, Viola,
or will you send him a note? Perhaps
you had better phone him, and say you
are sending the note. You see it is
important that the matter should be
cleared up without delay"
ST don't know that it's worth while
cit is true didn't have any intention
Of clipping, but just the same. I'm going
TO marry PhiL'-(Copyrighte 1909, by
Literary PreSS).
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
rFrom the Chicago Mex

From the Chicago News.1
Young stepmothers shouldn't step too
high.
An exhibition Of temper is invariably
a free show.
The fall that comes after pride gives
1t an awful bump.
Most people wouldn't want their own
way if they could have it.
Marriage to many a woman means a
lifetime job as detective.
The more lawn some people have to
NOW the more they hate the mower
Many a mans veracity is unimpeach-
able until he acquires the fishing habit.
When a woman feels blue she weeps,
when a man feels blue he Smiles
Some girls sing outwardly In the par
Tor and scold inwardly in the kitchen.
live and learn" is a good maxim
that is seldom successfully lived up TO.
A man may be too busy at the office
to attend a funeral-unless 1t is that Of
the home team.
There is lots of fun in making love
to a girl until she begins to think that
you are in earnest.
Music hath charms to sooth the saw
age breast-likewise also to fill the
grand opera managers chest.
After a man has tried in vain to Dor
row few pa1try dollars you can't con-
vince him that the world isn't growing
wiser
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
QUAKER MEDIrATIoNs.

IFrom the Philadelphia Record.l
It is also never too early to mend.
Even the high flyer occasionally takes
a drop too much.
The man who lends hand is worth a
dozen who give advice.
No man can be sincere without occa-
sionally losing friend.
Love will find a way, but It takes
more than love to pay the way.
Some people are so proud of Their
virtues that they never use them.
The only aim in life that some peo-
pie seem to have is to throw mud ana
cast slurs.
Don't strew flowers on the graves of
the dead If you have to stint the living
to do 1t.
When some fellows talk about draw
ing a check they are merely drawing
on their imaginations.
1.-THE laborer is worthy of his hire"
quoted the Wise Guy. Yes, and he
usually wants it even higher" added
the Simple Mug.
Wigg-"Bjones is always lucky. 7
wonder If he carries rabbits foot 20
Wagg-"I don't know about that, but
do know he has hare lip"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
A Wedding Hint.
The tall girl smiled In some en-

The tall girl smiled In some en-
barrassment.
Haven't you any secondhand
shoes?" she said to the shoe clerk.
"But, miss" he demonstrated.
mo, no; you misunderstood" said
she. ST don't mean to wear. 1 just
mean old shoes, too worn for use, that
customers have left with you. You see,
there's a wedding up at our house to-
morrow, and we want something to
throw at the bride and bridegroom
at see," said the clerk.
He rummaged in black hole and
drew forth an armful of dilapidated
footwear. The girl selected some IS,
Is, and Is.
"These will do. Thanks ever so
much" she said, and so departed.
"Big1footed people are always work
ing that on u.s. said the clerk after
ward. "That girl wears IS. She could
not very well throw such mudscows at
the bride, so she chose some little and
dainty shoes here-1s and Is. oh,
yes, it's an old trick with the big
footed. Los Angeles Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

wroten ad Looie LAnkenfusser. Il
dondt know we're he ISIS at, so post mis-
ter bleas frontvard der ledder to him.)
How do, L.ooie. I opserf py der ba-
pers, Looie, dot my oldt colleche chum1
Eddie Hairyman hat kvitted YooruD
und came beck home allretty. Id APP
pears dot der Yoorupean treadmend.
vas nod all dot could be respected, una
der dokters fought he hat besser dako
der latter cure ad home. Misdsr
Hairyman haf peen dalking dot kind uf
cure fer efferyding for long dime. He
hat peen alder effery ding he saw. und
he yoosua1ly got Id. Some uf der
dokters tink hiss stomach ISIS ouf. Dey
say der larcher railroads. vot he has
consumed do nod agree NIT him. und
dey iss linking uf putting him on
light diet uf branch lines und street.
carss fer a week er two. Id ISIS pre-
soomed dot hiss regular tree skvares a
day hurts hiss gizzard some, but hurts
his liffer wurst. cur dot Won dondt
touch you Looie, write me a postage
card ad vonce, und I will send you der
diagram, nit monkey wrench und oil
can trowed in.)
Misder Hairyman's fenily ISIS worried
aboudt hiss condition. So iss der Vail
Street femily, hiss nearest neighborsS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
GLOBE SIGHTS.
IFrom the Atchison Globe.l

[From the Atchison Globe.]
How hoarse a little steamboat can
whistlei
One way not to have a good time is
to spend most of your time looking
for it.
Are you familiar with a vegetable
known as Okra? Ever know anyone
who liked it?
what the women folks all say
when Father scolds, sis he grumbling
about NOW?''
Which gives you the greater enjoy
ment: To hear your friends praised
'or your enemies roasted?
The man who always tries to lug in
a cheerful word, when he meets you,
finally gets on your nerves.
Country husbands are better trained
than town husbands. Ever see a
town husband carry baby on the
street?
Make the statement in the presence
a man, and you have a row on your
hands at once.
You always get a chance at the man
you hate; if nothing else offers, you
can refuse to buy a chance when he
raff1es his shotgun.
Human hair is said to be worth
about $50 pound, but it depends
largely on whether you are buying it,
or merely trying to keep what you
have.
When a man returns from a visit
to his folks, his wife looks at him as
much as to say, What have they been
doing to poison your mind against me
NOW?''
Don't say women never learn from
experience. An Atchison woman's
first husband ran off. and the second
time she married it was to man with
both legs cut off.
The great food specialists say it is
wrong to eat meat, particularly during
hot weather At noon today, we went
into a restaurant, and every one of the
twenty-three guests were eating meat:
usually roast beef, with gravy.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

problem of aerial flight and with little
or no success until a year or so ago in
the production of a machine that could
rise in the air, travel around and be
subject to the control of an operator
But no sooner had the rather startling
news been sent forth that a man had
finally been able to do this than a dozen
or SO other men jumped to the front in
different sections of the earth and pro-
ceeded to do the same thing. All OF
them are not imitators, by any manner
of means. of the first successful aero
plane. Most of them have machines
of their own with decidedly distinctive
features. Possibly the recent perfec-
ton of the gasoline motor is response
BILE for these almost simultaneous SUE
cesses but they are not the least inter-
esting feature of aviation's recent mar
vellous strides to success.
1t will probably be years to come be-
fore aeroplanes will be operated for
any practical purpose except TO furnish
medium for sport among the rich and
the foolhardy and as weapons Of war.
The chances are that the dirigible ba'-
loon of the Zeppelin type which can
carry great weight will be the first air
ship that will be used for commercial
purposes, such as carrying passengers
and freight between points. But this
will come. if at all, in g. more OF a
less distant future.
However, the successes which have
been obtained of late with aeroplanes
and dirigible balloons in the expert
mental field have been remarkable ex-
ploits. If Of no other value, they are
tributes to the inventive
ness and the courage of the human
race. They point out that no problems
are too difficult to be solved, sooner or
later, by mankind.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
In a TronicaI Forest.

Chief Engineer Burgess of the Hon
duras National railway giving advice
to engineers working IN the tropics,
says enphatica1ly, Don't get lostl'' He
adds that q man should no more think
of going into tropical forest without
a compass than of going alone to sea
without one. Without a compass one
has no way of getting his direction.
In few minutes he is turned round.
The sun can only be seen, If at all.
when directly overhead. There is no
moss on the trees to serve for a guide.
Distant elevators. or mountains, If any
exist, cannot be seen. on account of the
density of the forest. Even on the
treeless llanos of South America where
the mountains are too distant to be
seen, the compass is the only guide.
One can tell the direction of east and
west at sunrise and sunset, but in the
middle Of the day the sun is useless as
guide, because 1t is almost directly
overhead, and often one may stand in
the shadow Of his own Eat.-Youth's
C0nnaniOn
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
WOMEN POLICE.

Women police is the latest panacea
for the attainment of ideal civic con-
ditions.
The idea emanates, of course, from
the facile, not to say erratic, brain of
a woman reformer. DR.. Anna Howard
Shaw, president of the National Wo-
mans Suffrage association, informed
the students of the University of Min
nesota the other day that all Mime
apolis needs to become model city
is 100 women on its police force. "One
hundred women specialists put on the
police force of a city would make for
Improvement in civic conditions. The
criminal needs mothering-
1t will doubtless strike the ordinary
observer that what the average Grim
ina1 needs most is NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
istered with a. strong hand. The
criminal has been mothered already
ad nauSeam. States and mun1cipai-
ties vie with each other in coddling
him. Large sums are spent to make
his cell a boudoir and to save the poor
convict from feeling the shame of his
condition. Stripes have been abolish
ed. Free entertainments are provided
at the taxpayers expense. Saturday
half holidays are the vogue in peni-
tentfaries. In all probability the word
penitentiary will be discarded ere long
lest it hurt the feelings of the thieves,
forgers, perjurers and murderers who
are confined in such places.-Kansas
City Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
FRON OTHER PENS
A SEVENTEENTH AMENDMENT

A SEN AMEN OMEN L.
The income tax amendment, if rati-
fed, by the necessary number of state
legislatures. will be the sixteenth
amendment to the federal constitution.
1t had seemed for a time as though an
amendment establishing direct cleo
ton of senators by the people would
hold that place, but now it may be
predicted with a fair degree OF proba-
bility that such an amendment viii b9
a candidate for the seventeenth place.
While it is hard to get concerted ac-
ton on a large scale for this amend
ment and while congress will never
itself take the initiative, nevertheless
progress is being quietly made which in
the end seems bound to bring the issue
up for action. The latest step has been
taken by the Alabama state legislature,
which has just made the necessary de-
mand for a constitutional convention,
with only one member Of the senate
and one member of the lower house
voting in the negative. Because of the
various forms in which such demands
are phrased some constitutional In
their effect, others mere expressions Of
opinion, and because of the frequency
with which some states repeat votes o.
this kind, it is hard to keep track OF
the exact number of demands that have
been made for the calling of a CONVEX
ton. but it is stated that Alabama's Is
the twenty eighth.-Chicago Record
Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
Origin of WindfaII.

What precisely is the origin of the
expression "a windfall," which Mr..
AsQuith, Lord Avebury and others use,
in speaking of budget matters? An
old encyclopedia explains that some
families of the English nobility held
their land on a tenure which forbade
reserved as the property of the royal
navy. But any tree which fell down
without human assistance they might
keep, so that a hurricane causing a
great "windfall'' was heartily welcome.
1t seems probable, however, that the
expression was simpler in origin. Even
an apple that fell to the ground with
out the trouble of picking 1t, and which
a passerby might often annex without
feeling that he was a thief, would be
q lucky ndfall."-London Chron-
ir1a
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
JOURNAL ENTRIES

AS many wedding engagements
are denied as are admitted.
~ +
Looking glasses ought not to be
very popular with some persons.
q
OF all characters none are more
attractive than the dollar sign.
4 y n
A bachelor labors under the dis
advantage of having no one to blame
things on.
To stand a major surgical opera
ton, person must also be In a
strong financial condition.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
HOME NEWS WHILE AWAY.

Subscribers OF the state journal
away during the summer may have
the paper mailed regularly each day
go any address at the rate of ten
|cents On week or thirty cents n month
F(by mail only.) Address changed as
OFTEN as desired. While ont of town
|the State Journal will be to you Ike
'a daily letter from home.
Advance payment is requested on
these short time subscriptions, to save
bookkeeping expenses.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Present indications are that the fair
10 be held in Topeka during the week
beginning September 13 is to be the
most extensive exposition of the sort
that has ever been held in Kansas. 1t
Is going to be strong in every feature
that goes to make up a great agricul-
6ural and industrial fair. There Will
also be excellent horse races and vari-
Gus other events for the entertainment
end amusement of its patrons.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
rFrom the New York Press.1

From the New York Press.
There's a heap owed to a good wo-
man in the next world for what she
never gets in this.
man can grumble around the
house more than the cook, because She
has a better reason to.
What a girl likes about the moon fs
how she can make it enjoy itself being
out under IT with a man.
The average shirt waist a woman
wears in summer is so queer II seenna
as if she might be more dressed b1
taking it off. -
The people who believe that No.
descended from the monkey should -
member that It's poor rule that wont
work both ways.
Generally when a child Is Irritating
to you it's because it doesn't like Won
ana aoesnt c2-e whether you know 4
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Keeping In mind the terrible roll of
Ahe dead and injured as a result of the
recent automobile races at Indianapolis,
the great aviation contests at Rheims
swould seem to establish the fact that
speed trials with monoplanes and BIZ
planes are inclined to be much safer to
nife and limb than are similar events
with motor cars
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Bible stories are founded on tradi-
l&ions, says a professor Of the Chicago
university. He probably would have
been better pleased If he could have
lratisffed himself that they were founded
on fancies. That is the way the profess
'eors of this institution of learning gen.
pnrallv work out
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

The Chicago Record Herald thinks
that Jeff Davis of Arkansas must be
a victim of foul play because he hasn't
been making any foolish noises recent
ly. That's not the reason. Jeff has
turned over a new leaf. He's been on
the water wagon for some time
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Nothing more ridiculous has been
put forward by men of supposed intel
1igence than the contention of Mrs
Barclays lawyers that the lidnapers
of Marian Bleakley should not be re-
turned from Missouri because of the
danger that they will be treated to
mob violence on their arrival in To-
ppka. Acting Governor Gem1ich,
of Missouri, undoubtedly has too
gooJ sense to pay any at
tenth IN to such a claim. If this
is thu best reason that can be put for
ward Nshy the kidnapers should not be ex-
tradjted to Kansas they have a mighty
mma& case
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

A British earl was arrested recently
in Galveston on the charge of being
a vagrant. This leads the New Orleans
Times-Democrat to remark that 1.-THE
young ladies of Galveston seem to be
slower shan their northern sisters" For
this they are to be commended highly.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

i From the addresses and the delibera-
A1ons at the annual convention of the
National Association of Food Com
Nnissioners which was held at Denver
iHhis week, 1t is apparent that almost
each and every man who might be con-
vsidered as an authority on the subject
mas a different idea as to just what con-
@titutee pure food of various brands.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Here's some disquieting news. There
as talk of an extra session of congress
in 1910 to dispose OF the subject Of re-
arrangement of the monetary system
of the nation. This is an important
matter but 1t ought to be disposed of
at either the coming session of congress
or the one following it. The people
of the country do not want to be both
cred with congress in almost continu-
Gus session. They have other things to
demand their attention. If congress did
not need watching, it might be different.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Rampant prohibitionists down south,
says the Washington Herald, seem to
be having a hard time finding the key
to the locker club situation. They can
get a few lessons on this subject by
making a trim to Kansas
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

One of the supposed victims of the
Infamous Mrs. Guinness is alive and well.
All Of which goes to show that most
folks are not quite as bad as they are
painted
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

nit a friends wife. und later vendt beck
alder her buds. ID ISIS. buw her some
new vons.
Ded Chawcawgo hold-oop Teller vich
shut hiss victims in der 1ces-box. might
hat did vorser dis kind uf vedder. He
might hat locked dem oudt uf der Ices
box.
Comes also from Moo York der yarn
dot Wanderbullet vas shot. Id ISIS ged-
ding so you candt belief dem Moo York
noos writer's a tall. Dey always double
the casualty. Dey propaply lefd oud
der word "halluf."
"Wanted-Girls to sew on Shirts
Oocal ADVERTISEMENT. I hat always
contended dot dere vas fellers in dis
town vot neffer changed dem.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

! Something OF retributive justice seems
70 be overtaking Princess Helie de Sa-
gan. at one time Miss Anna Gould. and
her latest husband. They were robbed
not long ago of $4,000 in cash
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-08-28

Advices from Washington indicate
that there is all kinds Of money scat
tered throughout the west these days.
but, as is usually the case, the banks
have possession of it.