The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1909-07-14
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appropriated blessings on this COM
munity," said Philander Beasley, as
a middle aged spinster passed the
blacksmith shop. There is shore a
pile ov unclaimed v%aluables ov the
lady gender in this village"
You don't need to worry" said
Bildad Smiley. You've claimed
your share. Is it four or five claims
you've put in at the matrimonial
Department."
You mind your own blamed bust
ness, young Teller, an I'll mind
mine," returned the offended Phil
ander. 1--WE been blessed weth three
good wives, if you want to know, an
1 made a Twin fer them while they
was in this vale ov tears"
Its right queer tibet so many ov
our gals has stayed SINGLE" inter-
rupted Reason Jupe, with the lauda-
BILE desire to lead the talk away
from dangerous channels. II don't
know" he continued, "ez I ever see
a place where they was SIGH a per-
centage ov handsome women ez we
hev. An about every third one
grows up a Oh maid
"They amt nothing queer about
it at ALL" said Jabe Henry. How In
nation are our gals goin' to marry
if they amt no men to choose from?
| Why, great snakes! There's three
| gals for every boy baby born in this
country. Everybody knows tibet wo-
| men outlive men - exceptin' when
they marry inter the Beasley family.
So even eff a gal vas ez as pretty ez
all git out she wouldn't hev much
| show to git married onless they was a
pestilence broke out tibet took only
female women an she was the only
one that had been vaccinated."
"Thet rule hasn't worked in some
cases in this country" said Martin
U%nderdunk. II knowed three gals
over in Beulah township tibet he'd all
kinds of. fellers in love with them
afore they in'ly got married. They
was Oh Hausenger's daughters"
i've heard tell of the family"
said Jabe. They was three Of four
boys, too"
They was" replied Martin. can
it was owning to them boys tibet tn
gals didn't git married quicker'n
they did"
Yes, consarn their picturs!" ex-
ploded Philander Beasley. They
! ort to be a law in this country maxim
it a capital offense to raise SIGH boys
as them"
Hi, Philander!" cried Bildad
Smiley. so you he'd one ov tn Hau-
senger gals in tibet KILN eye ov
yourn once, had you?"
Dad, fetch you!" stormed Philan-
der. Amt you quit your foolish
ness yit?"
f KANT help it, %Philander, hon.
est l KANT. If I KEEP quiet I'd blow
out a fusion plug or somethin' like
a automobile does. Ever sense tibet
time after your second wife was took
an you made tn speech in town
meetin' l hev had a awful ticklish
place on my funny bone"
II didn't know I said anythin' fun
ny on tibet OCCASION" said Philander
stifly.
"Thet's why it was funny" grinned
Bildad. EFF you he'd tried to be hu-
NOR you'd hev jes' made me sad. All
you said was, in referrin' to your re-
cent bereavement: TIL memory is
ever weth me of tibet dear departed
one whose place never will be filled
-perhaps.' Thet's%all you said that
/ remember"
"Tell us about tn Hausenger gals.
Martini" said Reason Jupe, the lover
of peace.
Sure I will. eff them two fellers'll
quit jawin'. You see, it wasn't ez if
them H~ausenger boys was little kids
tibet didn't know no better an would
git into mischief ez natural eZ sneez-
in. One could make excuses fer
SIGH. Thes boys was older than tn
gals-big, lumberin' ~fellers, but ez
full of tickle ez a dog is full CT feas.
They didn't do things jes' a purpose
to scare away their sisters f~ellers,
but they must have their fun what
ever stood in tn way.
"Ef a Teller driv up in a buggy an
vent in to asst one of tn gals would
she accept his company to a drive in
tn pale moonlight, them. boys nd
change tn buggy wheels, put tn hind
ones on in front an vicy-vercy. When
tn Teller come out he'd hev to drive
off with his knees up to his chin, an
him tryin' to peep over tn dashboard
to see tn boss.
They'd tie a STRONG to tn parlor
door knob when a Teller was stayin' a
little late, then tie tn other end to a
painful of Of iron on tn top landin' of
tn stairs. When the caller started to
tiptoe out he'd haul tibet load Of junk
downstairs an Of Hausenger 'ud
come out madder'n a wet hen. They'd
pour water out O. tn upper winder
on tn head ov a Teller that was talk
in to a gal on tn outside steps.
9Th way they hurt Philander's
feelin's was by catchin' him an lockin'
him up in tn s~mokehouse. He didn't
get outen there till tn OF man come
round in tn morning fer bacon an
blame near busted Philander's head
with his lantern, thinkin' he was a