The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1909-09-29
A TELEGRAPH JOKER.
He Knew What the Crowd Want
ed and Delivered the Goods.
ELECTION RETURNS TO SUIT.

c16OSSON nciOnUS ~ SOtus
Swung States and National chairmsn
Into Line In His Reports and Gave
the Boys Of the Mining Camp the
Time Of rhsir Lives.
A funny incident happened on the
| night of the national election OF 1896
In q little camp tucked away in the
mountains Of southwestern Colorado.
where the only means OF quick COM
munication with the world were q sim
| gle uncertain telegraph wire and q sim
| gle more uncertain telegrap phi operator.
! Naturally only the merest scraps OF
election news reached tue camp. hut
before the certain news OF Mckinley's
election could have been got the uucer-
tain operator had fallen victim to his
favorite vice aud. further. had fallen
beneath the table.
| The only other person who knew any
thing about telegraphy was Shorty"
the local wit and humorist. who volun-
teered to write out the election returns
as they clicked Oh from the telegraph
instrument Political sentiment was
atame for Bryan. News of his election
was not only sought. but demanded. for
the average American miner Is AZ san
| gtine concerning the uncertainties OF
politics as be is concerning the uncer-
tainties OF mining. The volunteer teleg-
rapher was noted for an obiiging dis
position. He was the genial" Of the
camp.
The boys" had placed stores OF
giant powder at various points. They
had cleaned and oiled their six shoot
ers and re6lled their cartridge belts.
Bonfires were ready to be lighted on
the hillsides. and natural enthusiasm
had been stimulated at the Metro
pole. the Cosmopolitan. the Fashion.
the Trocadero and less pretentiously
named GASES in the desert Of mining
camp existence-in fact. every pre-
liminary to the grandest celebration
the San Juan country ever had known.
Shorty was not the man to neglect
an opportunity like that. The first
bulletin he banded to the waiting
J crowd stated that New York and In
diana were in doubt and it looked like
a close election. with the chances ia
voring Bryan. That whetted the
crowds keen appetite for returns to
razor edge. The second bulletin sent
their spirits up with a leap. Bryan
has carried Kansas. and the Demo
crafts are claiming Iowa"
"Whoopee" from the crowd.
Shorty bent his ear to the clicking
sounder and inscribed bulletin No. 3
Illinois joins the Bryan column with
$4,000 majority. Indiana certain. New
York very close"
When the deafening chorus had died
down a young member Of the party
asked the leader. Hadn't we better
begin to set OF the giantT
Before the leader could answer
Shorty reproved him by word and
look. Don't 60 OF half cooked" be
said. Its always best to wait until
you are scre You can't be too con-
servative in a case like this"
After a long pause. in which the
crowd displayed much impotence, the
imperturbable and conservative Shorty
transcribed bulletin No. 4, but before
passing it out he said:
"Now. boys. don't do anything rash.
Wait for the actual returns"
I
claims Ohio and Pennsylvania for Bry.
. an"
, Under ordinary circumstances q
doubt might have been expressed con-
corning the probability of such states
reversing their political records. but
the crowd was convinced OF an i'm
pending landslide for their favorite
and yelled with delight. Nov we are
beginning to get the news" remarked
Shorty when the cheering ceased, and
he began to write bulletin No. Al
follows:
New York gives Bryan 100000 plu
rality; Indiana. 10000. Returns from
. Wisconsin and Minnesota indicate
, large Democratic gains"
The crowd heard only the 'rst sen
tence. Shouting. cheering. yelling
screaming. it broke for the street.
Hold o." called Shorty. Here's
another"
Bulletin No. 6. Quay comedies Penn
sylvania to Bryan
Another fragment broke from the
crowd and ran down the street shout
ing the news. The new operators pen
Gil was travelling rapidly over the pa
per. while his friends and fellow citi
zens crowded closely upon him anC
read as he wrote bulletin No. Z, mari
Hanna has locked up Republican head
quarters and gone home"
The roar of the crowd was drowned
By the roar OF exploding giant powder
Buildings shook. windows ratified. &C
companied by the crash Of broker
glass. The celebration was on, and
Shorty Mcintyre was alone.
The celebration lasted for two days
The morning after election the reculA
operator had recovered sufficiently Il
transcribe messages announcing Nc
! kinley's victory. Those who wer'
sober enough to understand then
didn't believe them. After severa
warnings of what would happen {,
him IL be didn't quit trying TO foe
people" the operator desisted and join
ed in the general jubilation. Not uDti