Semi-weekly herald., 1909-02-08
A WORD OF EXPLANATION.


The editor of the Muck Rake has
been on vacation. We return feeling
like fighting cock. While absent
we had our flag given a new coat
of black paint. This put US In fight.
ing trim. We give all merchants fair
warning that unless they begin adver-
tising at once we will flood this en-.
tire country with catalogue house
agents. We spent the money from
the receiver in having a gay time.
We must make another raise. We
have private consultation office.
Lawbreakers had better make appoint
| ments after dark. Temperance ad.
vocates should come early In the day
before we make too many calls on
Balsey. We can then impress them
with our sincerity. Liquor interests
can always secure hearing. but we
prefer after A o'clock We begin to
mellow about this hour and In con-
dition to make better terms. We are
prepared to back up and defend any
proposition where there Is coin com
ing up. 1t matters not whether 1t
pertains to rebating OF taxes, holding
up bankers, whiskey interests or do
nations from temperance advocates.
All money looks alike to us.
DAVID FTTEM NIGHT.
p. S.-Our price is not always $5,-
900. We are susceptible to smaller
contributions.
to be. It has been trailing in the
mud of late. Kind of got mixed up
with tax rebating resolution.
ooo
Col Night-Tom. II you had worked
the saloons as well as l worked the
receiver we could take a trip to Eu-
rope. You let $4,000 slip through your
hands like an eel And in the bargain
to have that little talk in the res
taurant overheard. Your wits are not
half as smooth as the top of your
head.
Tom, the Corporal-Colonel, aren't
you ever going to let up about that
$1,000. ! have engaged In dozen
or more dirty escapades since then
trying to make good. I have even
picked the tobacco guilds from your
shirt front and shown my servility in
many ways.
Col. Night-Come, Tom, didn't
mean to hurt your feelings. But I
do feel powerful bad over losing that
$1,000. / often get to thinking about
1t after going to bed and lie awake
most all night. / presume in time
will quit worrying over It.
The Muck Rake was much pleased
| short time ago to learn that a cata-
logue house had palmed off barrel
or oil on one Of our farmers which
cost the purchaser 27 cents per gal
lon. True the same oil could have
been obtained In quantity at about
cents less. But our mission In life
| is to mislead and up to date we have
made pretty fair success.
Col. Night-Tom, do you know Il
| wasn't here all the time to holt
you down the Muck Rake would soor
go busted. It pains me to think thai
at one time you advised me to pa,
that s175 note at the Smelter bank.
Corporal Tom-Well, there was 81
much talk about your duplicity ant
double-dealing and all that ! fel
ashamed to meet any one on thu
street.
Col. Night-Yes, feel sorry 70
your modesty. You ought to stay ol
the inside and keep the spittoon
clean, and should be compelled T.
leave town for any length OF time
will place the office boy in charge O
the business.
Barry, the Barrister-Say. Colone
you are trump In ignoring all ma
ters pertaining to the Wholesale r,
batting OF taxes you adopted the bet
policy. Wish you had thought Of thi
in the first place.
Col. Night-Yes. Barry. publicity
; a bad thing. You made a fool {
+ the Muck Rake when you wrote tbs
article quoting the law and defeD,
ing the action OF the board.
Barry. the Barristsr-Wsll, u