Tazewell Republican. [volume] (Tazewell, Va.) 1892-1919, 1909-04-15


gave him the G. B. of the Sons of Mato.
He was on to it. Then tipped him the
air poking signal of the "Touch-up
Club. y He simied and said: III. o., ="
(this is technical term.) Next Hen.
Wasser stuck out his hand and gave him
the P. d. O. sign of Royal Arch Brick
Mason and he got in on that. Then
Wasser examined him as follows:
Whence contest thou, pard?
From lodge of the Holy st. John in
Wash.
What seek ye here to do?
To take few orders and collect a
bill.
Then you are drummer?
l am so taken and accepted by all the
boys.
How may know you to be a drum
mer?
BY my cheek and forty-pound sam
pie case. Try me.
How will you be tried?
By the Squire.
Why by the Squire?
Because the Squire is a Magistrate
and an emblem of stupidity.
Where were you first prepared to be
drummer?
In my mind.
Where next?
In an Office adjoining a regular post
of drummers.
How were you prepared?
BY being Invested of my last cent, my
cheek rubbed down with brick, a bun
ION plaster over each eye, and heavy
sample case in each hand. In this fix /
was conducted to the door of the post.
How did you know it to be door, if
you were blind?
BY first stepping in coal scuttle and
afterwards humping my head on a door
knob.
How gained you admission?
by the benefit of my cheek.
Had you the required cheek?
L had it not. but John Smith had it for
me.
How were you received?
On the sharp toe of boot, applied to
my natural trousers.
What did it teach you?
Not to fool around the toe too much.
What happened next?
was set down on a cake of ice, and
asked if put my trust in mercantile
reports.
Your answer?
Not If know myself, don't.
How were you next handled?
l was put astride of goat made out
of 2x4 scantling and trotted three times
around the room by four worthy broth
ers and then brought before the Left
Bower for further instructions.
How did he instruct you?
To approach customer with four UP
right, irregular steps, my business card
extended at right angles, and my arms
forming perfect circle.
How were you then disposed of?
l was again seated on a cake of ice,
in front of dry goods box, and made to
take the following horrible and binding
oath:
l, John Stull, do hereon and herein
most everlasting and diabolically swear
that l will never reveal and always steal
all the trade secrets I can for the bene-
fit of this Most Ancient Order. And
further swear that I will never give.
carve, make, hold, take or cut prices
below the regular rates. And further
swear by the 7. P. A to never sell anv
man or his wife, sister, grandmother,
old maid, uncle or cousin unless he or
she be sound on the goose. To all of
which solemnly swear, binding myself
under no less penalty than to have nv
grip-sack slit from top to bottom, nv
dirty shirts taken out, my reputation
removed and buried in the Elizabeth
river near the ferry wharf where the
Salvation Army GIBBS and flows every
two and one-hslf hours. So help me
Bob Ingerson and keep me in backbone.
What were you then asked?
What needed most.
Your reply?
Money.
What did you then behold?
A copy of Dun & Co.'S reports, open
at the chapter Newport News" Upon
the book rested a pair of drug scales, in
one pan of which rested ten pounds of
concentrated I've and in the other sat a
small silver jackass.
What did these emblems signify?
The scales indicated the balance be-
tween debtor and creditor, while the
other emblems represented the Iiabili-
ties and assets of bsnkrupts.
Did this teach you any lesson?
You bet? 1t taught me the fact that
the former are generally much rnightier
than the latter.
Shake, brother; will you be off or
fr0un7