The Washington herald., 1909-07-09
ANSWERS QUERIES
And STILL LIVES
Counsel Thomas Gets All the
Foolish Questions.
RUNS INFORMATION BUREAU
Early and Late His office Is Mecca
OF Seekers After Truth, Not TO
Mention RefOrmers, Prophets, and
WiId-eyed schemerS-MIss EIIer-
brook Called in on Hardest Cases.

Corporation Counsel Thomas. IN HIS on
cial capacity as legal adviser to the Com
missioners. has many knotty legaI ques-
tons TO solve. and incidentally H. TO
be ready TO dodge the multifarious
schemes OF the army of cranks, would-be
reformers. and seekers after all kinds OF
wisdow. who look upon his Office as a kind
Of a clearance house or bureau OF infor-
nation
He has TO answer questions from out
siders as 70 culinary recipes. dressrnaking.
astronomy, biography. and history. he
is asked to solve mathematical and sci
entiho problems. and to answer ques-
tlons such as, How old was Ann7" and
II the moon Is made OF green cheese.
was 1t due to the fact that the milky
way sOured?"
Recently the learned jurist was asked
a sumner that put the old query. Why
is a cOw?" into the class OF has-beens.
An enthusiastic fan wanted TO know
this: did the Washington baseball team
ever win a game; II so, when and why.
and If not, when would it win a game,
wren and why?"
The answer was, i give II up,'
He Wants to Know.
The mail OF Mr. Thomas yesterday
brought to him a remarkable document
from Louis r. Gemmett. of St. Paul.
MINI, in which the writer makes a hot
proposition that forced Mr.. Thomas to
get In the direct wind waves OF a large
electric fan 10 prevent brain fatigue and
heat prostration. Mr. Gemmett asked.
rs it possible to enlighten the people
OF Washington 10 be lunatics?'
Reading the question over several
times. Mr.. Thomas sounded a general
alarm In his Office 10 which all hts as
sistants promptly responded. All known
legal authorities were consulted for the
answer. Cases pertaining TO baseball, in
which the higher courts had handed
down decisions, were gone over. Moth
ing could be found bearing directly on
the case at issue.
AS a last resort Mr. Thomas. after a
long and deliberate conference with HIS
learned assistants. among them Gus A.
Schuldt. who IS an accepted authority on
baseball legal lore. decided 70 leave the
settlement OF the question 10 Miss Eller-
brook, the only woman clerk IN the Office.
who had not been made insane by long
consideration OF the letter OF Mr.. Gem
nett. She made this Endorsement on the
papers:
''Note-It Is also my belief that Wash
ington viii never have a winning team. -
AIr. Gemmett viii be Informed accord
ingly.
This Is Il.
Here IS the letter in it's entirety. II
VIII be preserved IN the legal archives OF
the District corporation counsers Office as
a gem for future generations 10 ponder
over. and for the consideration OF cor
poration counsels yet unborn who may
want 10 compile a history OF the Wash
ington baseball team. Mr.. Gemmett
writes:
can they enlighten the people OF Wash
ington 10 be lunatics2 Send them 20 the
baseball park. They play for bases and
don't count them. Your people do not
know when the game is played correctly.
The game is called baseball One hundred
and eight bases can be made 10 not any
they call a tie. Doctors will have a hard
time to cure these strong cases OF in
sanity.
They should not have the privilege 10
enlighten children to be lunatics. and to
make Illegal collections. To not count
the bases on the score board causes IN
sanity. Congress should be asked to
give this matter attention"
1t appears from the consensus OF
opinion IN the corporation counsel's ONCE
that Mr. Gemmett would revolutionize
the system Of counting the score IN base
ball by counting the number Of bases
reached IN each inning, which he would
have credited 70 the runners. and not
one score for a round Of the bases, the
bases made 10 be counted toward the
score until three men are struck out or
put out.