davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
BY GILBERT HUBBARD.

Whether man and the monkey had a
common ancestor or not, II Is very
true that they have many character
istics In common.
, Both are imitators.
Most men persist in doing thing
long after the necessity for doing it
has ceased.
In architecture, for instance, the
follies OF some one man may be con-
tinued In a community for hundred
years or more.
Almost every town has some pecu-
liar feature in its houses that is per-
petuated by carpenters, builders and
planning mill men. acquiesced In by the
owner
And nobody knows why.
More and more We will look to the
country for rest. The trolley lines
are bringing the woods and the city
closer together A house for every
family will some day-it must-be the
rule.
The average American home is an
imitation palace, wherein the owner
Is as lavishly extravagant as his In
come makes possible. The idea OF
lessening work for servants or house
keeper is never considered.
A poor man will build house that
makes his wife n slave. and servants,
which he can't afford, a necessity.
Why?
Oh. simply because everybody else
ON the street does the same thing.
Here are all the frills and follies OF
royalty reproduced In papier mache.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
BY JOHN TEMPLE GRAVES.

I'm HE average man is distinctly
growing weary of the noisy
and Incorporate agitation OF
~ few women for the eorrec-
tion OF some imaginary
wrongs OF the female sex and for the
establishment of some purely hypo-
thetical rights.
II Is calculated To dissatisfy some
wholesome and happy women. and dis
turb a civilization with which there
Is nothing materially the matter.
The agitation is half century old.
but its present expression IL notable
for incessant complaints against men
and continuous depreciation OF the
male sex both In the matter Of its
morals and It's manners.
II IL time now that some reciprocal
frankness OF expression should be ex.
hibited TO the ladies'. And this not
necessarily fiattering. but essentially
for information.
are making several serious mistakes.
First OF ali, they should understand
that men who hold the decision will
never be willing to grant woman
equal suffrage until woman shows a
| more united front In asking for L..
| Ii is comparative small proportion
of the sex who are engaged In the
present agitation. II is freely stated
and generally believed that the num-
Der Of women who oppose suffrage Is
vastly larger than those who favor IL.
And those who deny this are dem
agogues. dallying with the dishrag OF
political possibility The first crusade
OF the suffragists should be among
| their own sex.
| So long as the feminine majority
opposes the new movement II Is sim
ply folly to ask men To give woman
what woman does not want!
| And men cannot be blinded into con.
fusing a minority cf agitators with a
majority Of voters.
| The present agitation Is also too
fierce. II will react upon itself Halt
its energy Ia expended In abuse OF
men. The present aggressive move
ment OF the women seems to recogs
nize nothing good In men. Men are
failures everywhere-failures as hus-
bands, failures as fathers. failures in
all the relations Of life. public and pri-
vate. and slave wives" fairly bios
soming into misery out OF comfortable
and normal conditions. are supple
mented by newborn viragoes openly
urging physical violence In the prose
cution of the suffrage cause"
| This Is dangerous ground for wom-
an.
The sharp rivalries OF the sexes in
the ordinary avocations OF life have
recently brushed away much Of the
chivalric glamour which enshrined the
woman. and street cars and elevators
tell the story of the familiarity which
has debilitated knighthood. II now
the tongue of the termagant Is TO
speak for the sex in this new evangel
there will surely be found men to tell
woman some reciprocal things that
are not complimentary. There are
cold-blooded. thinking fellows. who
see things as they are, and In merci
less analysis, without restraint. OF
courtesy, they will tell women wha,
they think:
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Country Homes

7 The house has reception hall. a
grand salon, an ancestral gallery, an
art gallery, hall OF sculpture, 4
museum, a hanqueting hall.
| No wonder the housekeeper's nerves
are worn TO q FRAGILE, and the DOCTOR
gig is at the door.
And how the women who are TO
be sacrificed in the case of useless
things struggle for the things. Lace
curtains, chromos, rugs. cushion
chairs, bric-a-brac and senseless, silly
things without limit that accumulate
dust and bacteria.
Yet a little light seems TO SLOWLY
enter. The bungalow has gotten Il
foothold in the west and its beneficent
influence Is slowly coming eastward.
In the bungalow the reception hall,
parlor. library and dining room are all
incorporated in one room, and yet life
goes on just the same. In fact, 1t
goes on very much better than ever
before.
The suburban home OF the future
will be built on simple lines.
The collecting OF artistic junk will
be abandoned.
The public library will take the
place OF our mountains OF books. and
the art gallery will belong 10 the
state. as in the days Of Greece OF old.
That which is built up and main
tanned at the expense OF human life
OF nerve force and sanity-will have 10
20. A-bas the bargain counter-out
upon the bouffe and bouffant In house
keeping.
We will live the simple life instead
OF merely talking about II.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Suffrage for Women a Mistake.

That men are better than women
anyhow and were born and createo
and predestined TO rule.
That whatever the individual excep
lions, men are stronger. more e0eo
tive. more enduring physically and
more masterful temperamentally.
That men are much truer than WON
EN- To their convictions and to theu
professions.
That men have more honorable
standards of business. and therefore
more honorable standards Of politics
than women would have.
Men, bad as they may be, are b
the record truer to each other tha1
women to each other. Man Is capable
Of friendships that woman cannot
reach. Woman is by instinct loyA
unto death TO her children. but that ID
mere instinct shared with the ant
NAL creature. Women are jealous a
each other beyond the mood OF men.
critical In their estimate. largely with
out charity. and harsh In their judy
ments on their sex. Men may record
individual instances OF harshness and
uncharity. but challenge the wide
range OF woman's history-from Eve
all the way--to duplicate the story oi
Damon and Pythias or OF Jonathan
and David,
The world Is filling up with men
who are for men and believe In men
and will take the mans side when
chivalry is dead.
There Is 10 answer to the argu
ment for suffrage. The argument 10
complete In logic. In law, In equity
No man has ever answered II, and nc
man ever will.
IL women want it--all OF them. Of
half OF them-and will make II plair
they are sure TO get II. | could not
in simple honesty or justice fail, &c
vote for II myself
But what on earth. ladies'. do you
want with It?
Or why do you wish to voluntarily
dethrone yourselves from the glor
ious position which you have held In
the worlds civilization from the begin
ming, or certainly for the last three
hundred years? You have never unit
ed on wish or a desire that the
world didn't grant you cordially. You
have ruled men by your gentleness
and your graces more than you can
ever prevail by your force or virile as.
sertion There are improvements yet
to be made In your condition, errors
yet to be righted. inequalities yet to
be redressed. call you to witness
that the history OF the two decades
has been the record OF the successive
and willing progress OF men toward
the abolition of the laws you protest
and the establishment OF the legisla'
ton you desire. | challenge your in
telligence with the assurance that by
gentleness and united earnestness-
by being your own selves-you can
win In the next decade every remain.
ing privilege and right you desire
without getting into the mire Of poll
| tics To do II.
Finally. ladies. let me admonish you
! in utter seriousness that the day. when
by your own persistent agitation you
bury the Age OF Chivalry In the Age
Of Strenuous Competition. will mark
the most serious crisis. the darkest
hour in woman's history since the cru.
saders crowned her queen OF men.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
From Another Point of View


blu he migh we'll of his CO liar
An s n fol personal
Roosevelt Why didn't he take Charlie Fairbanks along
The a
by
weitodo That's what she thought Willie Whias
the Balkans and just when
citizen than Of those who trying of the board
There has been photographic safe which
to
safe tells the safe takes his it,
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
The Secret of
Bad Luck
BY WINIFRED BLACK.


Go back and count ten said q
friend of mine to me the other day
III you don't you'll have ma luck ALI
day" So | went back after the pack
age | had forgotten. and | @t down
and counted ten before dared 10
leave the room.
And all lay long | had bad luck
just the same.
| left my muff in the street car. laid
my purse on the shop counter and
came within an ace OF forgetting II;
passed sensitive woman OF my ac-
quaintance by with a cool stare. in
stead OF friendly nod: found let
tel with disagreeable news awaiting
me. and almost quarreled with my
best friend because she said my brand
new hat looked like a vegetable col
ander, and looked like the COOK when
had X on.
wonder what brought me the bad
luck?
believe that every one Of those old
signs and proverbs means something
real-if we'd only look deep enough
into them TO find out what II Is.
Ii is unlucky To forget something
and have to go back after 1t.
How can II nelp being unIucky 10
be absent-minded?
started out on my bad day In an
absent-minded humor, and the very
thing that made me go back TO the
house after | had started made me
leave my muff. forget my purse, ne
glect my friend and take offense at
bit Of friendly criticism.
There was nothing wrong with the
day. but there was great deal wrong
with me.
The bad news in the letter upset
me terribly But when ! came to read
that same letter over again the next
day there wasn't anything so particu-
larry distressing about II, after all.
The day wasn't different from the
day before-but ! was different
wonder how much bad luck AM
good luck. happy days and sad days.
have 10 10 with anything on earth but
our hearts and our own dispositions.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Looking on the Sunny Side of Life

stead Of syrup on his cakes at break
fast this morning.
Tlmkins-What did he say when ne
discovered his mistake?
Simkins-Not word. In fact, ne
didn't seem 70 notice the difference.
Timkins-Poor fellow | wonder
who the girl Exchange.
Thrift.
Customer-Please. mister. can
remember what ma sent me Tor, Dul
you can give me cents worth or
peppermint candy cause she SAID /
could keep the change
Cheerful.
What happened To me?' asked the
chronic optimist when he woke up IN
the hospital.
~ shark biz your leg of" said the
nurse
"Oh. we'll" he mused, Il had rheu-
matism In that leg anyhow. "-Cleye-
land
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Stories About People

Then he smiled grimly, and said
he was little like a famous actress
manager offered this actress $1,000
week to make tour OF the world.
She insisted on 81 500. But the mall
ager said 81 900 was all he could give.
and he reminded her OF the fabulous
Jewels that South American million
aires, Russian grand dukes and In
dian rajahs are wont to lavish on the
ladies OF the stage when they are
touring.
Go home said the manager; think
the matter over, and let me know
your decision in the morning.
I'm the morning the actress sent
the manager this wire:
"'Giye me my terms and you can
have the Jewels Washington Star.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Squashed the Arrangement.

Some time ago a justice Of the peace
in Wayne county township issued
warrant for man charged with as
sault and battery. The defendant was
arrested. brought before the justice,
informed OF the charge, pleaded not
guilty and asked for an Adjournment,
So he could employ a lawyer; wnich
the Justice refused to grant. Look
ing out of the window, the defendant
saw a prominent city lawyer, called
him in and begged him to defend him.
The lawyer was not accustomed 10
practice in Justices courts. but would
make an exception now He asked
the justice to show him the written
sworn complaint upon which the war
rant was issued. The Justice replied
that no written complaint was filed.
The lawyer referred him to the law.
showing that he had no right to issue
warrant without such document
and moved to auash the arraignment.
The Justice adjusted his spectacles.
looked at the law, saw his mistake
and announced judgment as follows:
guess we'll have to squash the ar
rangement." and the defendant was
discharged. .
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26

giving what he would consider
fair during the campaign said he would
which would take into the of
home and abroad with reasonable profit the
&American manufacturer
The president did not however In
vicious feature of high tariff which the fact that used
for bleeding the public
charging the the of imported goods for goods made
q home domestic material
That public Aeeced this the manufacturers Of
stockings that the for
pairs pairs for all
\ and half grown girls of the country.
Any retailer any
number of pairs stockings would be supply the de-
mand
Twothrds stockings by children in
then made this and sold the price fixed by
But taking Tafts fixing fair tariff
ways claim having
subscribed it.
The average stockings which country
in importation but 1887 pairs little
pair Under the Dngley tariff the $3.50
per
In the Payne bill the the cheaper variety of goods
those costing less-s advanced by from
On goods costing from So S. the advance
On goods costing from S. dozen upward there
increase of On goods costing dozen and the
remains ad valore less than ourths of the
tax imposed goods costing less than ST. per dozen
Will claimed justification this outrageous
in the stocking tariff schedule that the of making the cheap
abroad has decreased like proportion that the
production here has increased in any like proportion9
And the production cheap HAS decreased
happen
production of the kind stockings that
cost S. dozen?
The increase in the tariff stockings that $3ooooo
be paid annually by those who the cheaper
grade of stockings that THE POOR PEOPLE of the
country
Those who the higher gradethe rich peoplel not
suffer any additional burden upon their pocketbooks
There 10 on stockings.
1T is THE MOTHER WITH AN INCOME OF sro PER
WEEK, WITH STOCKINGS TO BUY FOR HERSELF AND
HER CHILDREN WHOSE POCKETBOOK is HIT.
yu< r~ofh the
poor amounting injustice and outrage.
high tariff justified because protects
the American manufacturer.
But how about the they would place on tea?
Here again THE POOR PEOPLE GET 1T, for is used
mostly by the poor people of the country
tariff of eight pound has been placed and that
thrift will protect NO American industry Il
will aid only crowd of spectators who have anticipated
financially interested and who lobbying
in Washington for the duty.
of eight will of $o53668 the tea
will bring the increased the American break
fast table up $II 100000.
AND YET THE REPUBLICAN PARTY HAS ALWAYS
REPRESENTED ITSELF AS THE PARTY OF THE FULL
DINNER PAIL AND THE POOR MANS BREAKFAST
nj
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Music on the Waters.

Music on the Waters.
A man, whose boyhood home was
in river valley, was wont to recall
a very severe freshet that swept the
old homestead away.
And the next thing saw oil
father" he would say at a thrilling
point OF the narrative, he was sailing
down stream on the dining-room table.
And what did you do?" would be
the invariable query.
"Oh, accompanied him on the
piano. Woman Home Companion.
A Warm Reception.
He wished he could go where there
never was snow,
An a blizzard was never oratin',
An Satan said. Hum, I'll invite him
to come
He's the Teller for whom I've been
waitin'!"
Atlanta Constitution.
The Diagnosis.
Enthusiastically poured vinegar In
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Pavement Harbinger.
ny wEx JONES.


when YOU leave the Office building be
fotr the evenings dark;
when you hear the perky robin piping
in city park.
SHY robin. cheerful robin. disregard
ing weather dope.
Foolish optimistic fellow, looking sum
NERVE "a with hope
signs OF Spring are these. yet mark
YOU. calendar and bird may cheat,
Certain only j. WALTON from base
ball In the street,
when YOU have "A lstless feeling and
To- loaf's your only wish,
when YOU banker for the country anu
"A creek ln which to fish,
When the florists glowing windows
your dun pavement ways disturb,
And the grimy raucOuB pcddier haWks
dim Vioiets from tDe curb
These are signs that SHring II coming
with her footsteps light and Meet.
But sur,r is wallOp from a baseball
ia the street
when you read the baseball EOssip
from the southern training camps.
DOn't forget the city youngsters VINO
80 far--aren't champs
The season bubbles In their blood-less
lucky you than they
And t.c bonds 81 steel and concrete
cannot deaden all their play.
frs the city's surest signal that now
the year grows sweet.
So what's random wallOo from n
baseball IN TIE street.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
The sufragette.


by WEEK JONES.
know a little lady
With ewes like violets wet,
skin like cream of ROSES
An ardent suffragettc.
No earnester supporter
There lives OF womans rights.
Bhe ASSERTS them In the mornings
And even In the nights.
Her arguments / cannot
Exactly understand.
Dut I haste 10 make concession
10 her, tiniest demand.
|uhough 4 sometimes screw my courage
TO the point OF saying No
u Doesn't fate a moment
70 find that docsn't 70.
N ~ fhe rex wee like her.
.||If-1 millions 10 = groat ~
~ ftss - biIis could An
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Early Privileges.

The doubt of a University of Chica
go professor whether King Solomon,
as the husband OF 700 wives. is the
best authority for the world Of today
upon such domestic matters as the
treatment of children. reminds the
Cleveland Leader of story told so
often by the great English prelate,
Archbishop Magee. A Gloucestershire
lady was reading the old testament
to an aged woman who lived at the
home for old people. and CHANGED upon
the passage concerning Solomon S
household.
Had Solomon really 700 wives?" In
auired the old lady, after reflection.
"Oh, yes, Mary. II Is so stated In
the bible"
"I-or. num-" was the comment.
What privileges them early Chris
tians had"
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
The Truth. No Matter
Whom 1t Helps or Hurts.

The Payne tariff bill puts an
added duty on women's gloves.
1t puts an added duty on stock
ings and on tea, also.
In each of these instances
necessity Of life Is affected.
The result Of the added tariff
will be that people who have to
wear gloves and stockings and
who buy tea will have TO pay
more for those articles.
The Payne tariff bill, therefore
is most unjust.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
rhe W. Hnsband.

Bronsoa-f'yc jUt given 500 for
this d'aL3 al ijns for my wife.
MDo4.f It's g aeauiv' But isn't
z ratler-er- NtravGgan'2
Br9lsoa--Not bit Think what "
VIII save in slo'es.-Pniladelphia
Enlletin.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
In the Usual Order.

Arriving Missionary-May. asi;
what course you intend to take with
me?
Cannibal King-Thc regular one
You'll follow the hsh.--Tit-Bits
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
Ihe Payne Tariff
Bill Is Unjust
And an Outrage

An Increased Duty On the Stock.
inss That POOR People Wear
and NOT On Those That Rich
People Wear--And Tea, THE
POOR PEOPLES DRINK.
Gets . Heavy Tax, Too.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..

'pa, what is a fareback?"
wait until You are married, son.
and yoa will find out.
AgcHerald.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26

They'd have the right TO vote.
III all her sex were like her.
What tyrant rule we'd get.
But she'd somehow make you like II.
My year-old suffragettel
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
His Word for II.

His Word for IT,
Sculptor (angrily)-How came you
TO say | had been cutting a sorry fig
ure OF late?
Wagly-You told me SO yourself.
| SCULPTOR did no such thing
Wagly--well, you told me you were
making a statue OF Repentance.-Bo-
hemian Magazine.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
He Was Honest.

Revelations concerning the double
career of the Russian terrorist police
agent, Azeff, recall story told OF
Louis XVIII. king OF France, and
Fouche, who had been at one time
Napoleon's minister of police. After
the bourbon restoration the king ask
ed Fouche whether he had set spies
over him during the empire. Foucne
admitted that he had Who was the
spy" the king asked, and he was In
formed that It had been the Comte de
Blacas. How much did he get?' con-
tinued the king Two hundred thou.
sand francs year. your majesty.
"Ah. WELL" said Louis. he was hon
est, then. after ALL had half
Philadelphia Record.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1909-03-26
The BIRD In the Hand.

John n Fargo. the famous mural
painter. received last month In New
York from the Architectural league a
gold medal. In his speech OF acknowl-
edgment Mr.. La Fargo said dryly that
he was thankful to- get In his old age
medal for mural painting from a
society Of men who. MS whole life
long. had refused TO give him any
mural painting to do.
II dined with Mr. La Fargo the
other day." said a mural painter 10 a
reporter. "and he talked again abon;
his medal He said he would have
been hotter pleased with work In the
obscure days when ne needed 1t.
Imperial Valley press., 1909-08-14
CHECKS WERE NO GO0D
Advertising Solicitor Charged With Mixing Too Much Hot Air With
 Bank Account

Thomas s. Smith, an advertising solicitor, was brought down from Los Angeles last Tuesday by Deputy Sher- if Jake Meadows to answer to a charge of issuing worthless checks, the complainant being George A. Car ter, former president of the Valley State Bank. It is alleged that Smith gave checks on the bank after he had been notified that he had no funds Smith was taken before Jus tice Tout and held under bonds of $700 for later appearance.
 Smith was employed for, time as a solicitor of advertisements for the Desert Farmer, and there are transac- tions connected with that job which need strengthening out in order that Mr. Baker may be happy It is said that an aunt of Smith has undertaken to make his accounts good and get him out of trouble.
 While in the valley, Smith posed as a magazine writer and the inti- mate friend of various famous literary men. He said he was with Rex Beach in Alaska, and intimated that he taught Beach the writing trade He forced his acquaintance upon Harold Bell Wright, and then gave out that he was Wrights college chum" and collaborator in literary work. He told several persons that he showed Wright how to dramatize "The Shepherd of the Hills" and helped him prepare the manuscript of Dan Matthews" all of which is as true as that he taught Poe the art of writing short stories. When arrested in Los Ange- less, he swelled up and told the po- lice officers that he was editor of the Associated Press"
 Smith is typical advertising guer- fila, plausibly garrulous, cheeky, i'm provident, irresponsible good -natured and bursting with petty vanity and hot air