The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1909-03-30
Natural Gas
AuQ By MARY
Miranda. A'''''
Copyrighted, 1909. by Associated
Literary Press.

Italians, all with their coats and vests
of and perspiring profusely, was Dor
ing an artesian well on his farm.
Suddenly the drill was forced out of
the ground There followed a great
puff Of vapor that had the odor Of bad
eggs and sulphur mixed together. Mr..
Perkins had struck natural gas well.
A month later Mrs. Perkins was say
ing to him:
Samuel, remember that we spell
our name P-a-r-k-i-E-s; also that a
month hence we sail for Europe.
We've got money, and we've got a
daughter Miranda. We are going to
give her a chance"
"a chance for whatr' asked the hus-
band, who was trying to get used to
wearing a collar and coat around the
house.
ITO get polished up and to marry
some one worthy Of her. You needn't
sit there thinking that few weeks
ago Miranda was hanging out the
clothes. We've struck natural gas,
and that makes a difference. We sail
In four weeks"
81 did kinder think we might go to
Niagara Falls for a week or So be-
gan Samuel as he rubbed his chin.
whats Niagara Falls to people with
money? What are they to Miranda ?
Samuel Parkins, can't you realize that
you struck gas?"
81 know l did"
"We are climbing for the top Of the
ladder We can't be kept down.
Haven't you got it through your head
yet? It's Europe and polish. It's Eu-
rope and a husband for Miranda. II
them Chicago butchers can take their
daughters to Europe and marry them
off to lords and dukes, why can't WEI
isn't natural gas just as high toned
as pork chops? You keep a coat on
and your shoes black and get used to
looking like somebody and leave the
rest to me-"
Mr.. Parkins would rather have sat
ON the steps of the village and related
for the five hundredth time what his
emotions were when he struck gas.
but he was dragged off to Europe.
Miranda betrayed a surprising lack
of interest, but Mrs. Parkins did the
thing with all her might She had ma
tive wit and observation. By sitting
In a corner most of the time and hav-
ing as little as possible to say the hus-
band and father made out after fash
ion.
In due time he even became inter
ested in things. He became so inter
ested that one evening after they had
been in London for fortnight he ask
ed his wife:
MARY, are we hitting the pike all
rightY
Hitting the pike" she repeated in
scornful tones. Samuel, cut the pike
and other things out. Miranda and me
are watching ourselves every minute,
and you want to do the same. Don't
you leave the spoon in the cup when
you drink your coffee, and don't tuck
your table napkin clear up under your
ears. If you spoil Miranda's chances
I'll never forgive you
"But what / want to know is has
any Teller come around yetY persist
ed the husband.
mo. not exactly. But I've noticed
different ones looking at her and sorter
edging around. You leave that part of
1t to US, and you tend to yours. When
ever you can, you just drop in word
about natural gas and millions"
"Oh, l won't spoil nobody's chances.
1 didn't want to come at first, but
now that I've got over here 1 rayther
like it. Makes a Teller feel as If he
was somebody to have boy ready at
every turn to brush Off his coat.
81 guess I'd be proud to have lord
OF a duke for a son-in-law. That's Mi
randa's lowest figger, hain't lit She
hain't coming over here and then take
up with no hayseedY
1t was Paris after four weeks In
London, and there was continual i'm
provement in the family. Miranda
and her mother picked up as much as
one French word a day, and the hus-
band and father left his fears behind
him and assumed little swagger and
a patronizing air that sat well on him
He had struck natural gas at home
simply by accident. He reasoned that
he might strike husband for Miranda
abroad in the same way. Therefore
whenever he came across any one wh0
would listen to him and who could
speak English he introduced gas wells
into the conversation.
1t was always in the plural. 1t was
never one gas well, but half dozen
He also tried his best to make the
head waiter understand the gas ques-
ton, and If he did not succeed entirely
he at least ELECTED the exclamation:
"Gas from the ground. mon dieu
And each well $1.0o0,O0ol How you
must suffer with so much money!
Eyes, heap Of suffering, but I grit
my teeth and stand It,"
When Mrs. Parkins announced that
they were to leave Paris for resort
in the Alps, Mr.. Parkins had his op
portunity to ask:
ANY Teller in sight yetw
Samuel, hain't you got no polish II
these last two monthsf" demanded the
wife
"Of course I have"
"Then show some of it. No gentle
man would speak IN that brutal man
ner. I'm glad Miranda was not here
"Well. has any lord or duke beer
making up to herT
Making up! Making up! Humph
Mr.. Parkins, are you in Europe o.
Texas? My daughter Miranda canno
be made up to. 1 catch your mean
ing. however, and in order that yo'
may not use any more such express
sions let me say that I'm not worry
ing"
you mean
81 mean that we are going to Swift
xerland to stop for month or more
the same hotel with lord"
"By George, but you don't mean III
exclaimed the husband. "How u
thunder did you bring 1t aboutf"
"Samuelv'
Eyes. but that's cute trick Of yours
You'll have him penned right up
Samuel Parkinsr' cried the wife a.
she flushed up.
"Oh, well, won't say nothing more
You'n Miranda go right ahead, and II
back you with natural gas enough &
run all France. guess 1t hain't 70
me to mix In"
Just how Mrs. Parkins located tn
lord doesn't matter. For a five fran
piece Partisan chambermaids hav