davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
Advice Welcomed.

"You won't mind if l write you a
letter now and then and tell you how
to run your paper?" NO." answered
the editor of the Oatville Clarion;
mot if you'll be sure and subscribe,
so that you can see whether / am
following instructions"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
PHILOSOPHERS NOTEBOOK.

A green Christmas maketh a slim
coalyard.
A frog in the pond is worth two in
your throat.
A breach-of-promise suit is a poor
substitute for a wedding coat.
The man who said: "Talk is cheap"
never had to pay his wife's telephone
charges.
There is nothing that will burn a
hole in your pocket so quickly as a
cool million.
If, as some poets have said, all life
is music, the tramp must have been
set to rag-time.
What a comfort it would be if the
wolf at the door could be trained to
chew up a few duns as they arrive!
There was a time when a hundred
thousand dollars seemed like good
deal of money, and, come to think of
it, it seems so yet.
1t is not so much the love of money,
but the inordinate desire of it's pos
SCISSORS to get rid of it, that is at the
root of many latter-day evils.-Har-
per's Weekly.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
Those Car Windows.

George Washington never told lie
because he was cautious.
One day, on railroad train, lady
asked him to open a window: Instead
of saying, Certainly, I will, madam"
George said, 81 will try"
George did try, and, of course, you
know the result.
But his reputation for veracity was
still safe.-Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
On Hand with the Goods.

ct want a home" said the city man,
where I can see plenty Of fresh
green vegetables and have live stock
and chickens about me-" 1--WE got
the very thing you want" returned
the enthusiastic agent; ga cozy six
room fiat right next to a market
house."
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
The SEQUEL.

Tourist-What's going on around
here?
Chief Umbrella-Umph! Poor 10
have big meeting. After meeting have
dog feast.
Tourist-Oh, I see. After the pow
wow comes the bowWow.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
Familiar Taste.

Farmer Ryetop-You seem to enjoy
those fresh vegetables?
Summer Boarder-Yes, It is an ae-
Quired taste. You get them from the
same store up in town that we do.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
WISDOM FOR THE UNWISE.

Most martyrs are self-made.
Riches are not always worth the
price.
Poor relations should be seen and
not heard.
It is a wise dog that knows when
he has had his day.-Illustrated Sun
day Magazine.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
An Unnecessary Word.

Yeast-I understand the Abyssinian
wife is the head of the house.
Crimsonbeak-Why try to waste
time by introducing that word Abyssin-
ian?'-Yonkers Statesman.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Tall Office Boy-Dat new kid is
stuck on his people. He's always talk
ing about his forefathers.
Short Office Boy-Four fathers?
Gee, what lucky kid! In de baseball
season think how many grandfathers
he must have.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
Expected Back.

Prisoner-Can speak with the con-
vict Smith for one moment?
Jailer-No, he has just left after
finishing bis time. But ask me again
In apout a week
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

If there were anything in hypnotism
women would have used it long ago in
controlling their hired girls.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

There probably never was red
headed boy who wasn't called Red
by his companions.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

No matter what you happen to be-
lieve, your deeds are going to attract
a good deal more attention than your
creeds.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Oliver Oglethorp ogled an owl and
an oyster. Did Oliver Oglethrop ogle
an owl and an oyster? If Oliver Ogle-
throp ogled an owl and an oyster,
where are the owl and the oyster OH
yer Oglethorp ogled?
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
In Cunid,s Court.

Judge Cupid at the prisoner
Did look somewhat askance;
''You stole a look he said, your guilt
Is patent at a glance.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
NEW TONGUE TWISTERS.

A London paper recently offered a
series Of prizes for the best tongue
twisting sentences The prize win
winning contributions are:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

A haddock, black-spotted haddock;
a black spot on the black back of a
black-spotted paddock.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
SUNFLOWER PHILOSOPHY.

Sometimes people become so lone.
some that they want to howl like a
dog.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
Not a Law of Nature.

Balzac: Equality may be all right,
but no human power can convert It
into a fact.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

If a woman has real good hard
sense she marries her daughters off
with as good judgment as if she were
selling a cow.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Susan shineth shoes and socks;
socks and shoes shines Susan. She
ceaseth shining shoes and socks, for
shoes and socks shock Susan.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Don't argue. You can't convince
anyone, you will only make yourself
angry and the man you argue with
will hate you.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14
WITH THE SAGES.

It takes a wise man to discover a
wise man.-Diogenes.
Who breaks his faith. no faith is
held with hindu BartaS.
Nothing wins man sooner than a
good turn.-Robert Burton.
1t belongs to human nature to hate
those you have injured.-Tacitus.
The counsel you would have another
keep keep first thyself.-Proverb.
Trutbfulness is at the foundation
of all personal excellence.-Smiles.
Our occupation is that which we Sc
lect, our interruption is that which
is sent us.
You may reform a hardened old re-
probate, but a fool or saint is a hope
less proposition.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Even the honest farmer is apt to
collect the largest head of wheat
when he is preparing sample Of his
field. 1t is human nature and human
nature isn't always so bad. When you
are making a showing show the best
you have; it prompts an effort to
bring the whole crop up to the stand
al -.-Atchison Globe.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Two toads totally tried to trot t
Tedbury.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

The bleak breeze blighted the bright
broom blossoms.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Strict, strong Stephen Stringer
shared Sticky six sickly silky snakes.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Probably the proudest moment in a
boys life is when he is allowed to
pick out a suit of clothes without his
mother going along.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

Putting on Airs.
They're getting stylish,
I'm afraid;
Their hired girl
Is now a maid"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

He-Do you read fiction during the
summer?
She-Nc; but l listen to it.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

A breach-of-promise suit is poor
substitute for wedding coat.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

A green Christmas maketh a slim
coalyard.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

A frog in the pond is worth two in
your throat.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

The man who said: Talk is cheap,
never had to pay his wifes telephone
charges.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

What a comfort it would be if the
wolf at the door could be trained tt
chew up few duns as they arrive!
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

There is nothing that will burn {
hole in your pocket so quickly as {
cool million.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

1t belongs to human nature to hate
those you have injured.-Tacitus.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1909-07-14

It takes a wise man to discover a
wise man.-Diogenes.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
MANY Sieepiess Nights. Owing 10 a
Persistent Cough. Relief
Found at Last.

."For several winters past my wife has
been troubled With most persistent
and disagreeable cough, which invari-
ably extended over period OF several
weeks and caused her many sleepless
nights" writes Will Hayner. editor OF
the Burnley, Colo, Bulletin. Various
remedies we're tried each year. with no
beneficial results. In November last the
cough again put in an appearance ana
nv wife. acting on the suggestion OF
friend. purchased bottle of Chsmber-
,ain g Cough Remedy. The result WAS
indeed marvellous. After three dose
the cough entirely disappeared and has
not manifested itself since. This rem
edy is for sale by Valley drug store.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
Only Sell to Negroes Now.

Sorry, but We only sell to ne
groes now," is what some former
patrons are getting when they go
into their usual place to get drink
of whisky or a glass of beer, says
the Picayune. About ten OF the
saloons of the city that formerly
sold to whites and blacks alike un-
der the new liquor license law are
allowed to sell only to negroes, as
they have taken out licenses for
negro bars. The saloon men had
to decide which did the largest
business with them, negroes Oh
whites. and where there was q
mixed business, as usual thing
the negro trade predominated. ano
the saloon turned into negro bar
Now the old patrons of these sa
looms as they call at their usua
place are being informed that they
cannot buy drink, as "the ba
only sells to negroes.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
Fine Government Jobs.

Examinations will be held this
spring in all parts of the south for
the position of railway postal clerk.
These are we'll paying jobs and the
opportunity is open to our young
men to secure them through CON-
petitive examinations which are
given by the Civil Service Com.
mission in the various cities of the
south. The salaries range from
$500 to $1,000 a year.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27

on tIle WeeNll Is Tdpiu Cutoi'dliphs
and that is the only intelligent way
to farm where there is no weevil.
There will be class of your people
who will not make much cotton
with the weevil present, but If you
will take notice it will be that
class who never made much before.
We make as much as we ever made.
The receipts of our public weigh
ers affirm this assertion. Some
claim this is due to an increase IN
acreage, but this is positively not
true in Anderson County; neither
do [ believe it to be true of the
State of Texas. Our people are
financially in as good or better con-
dition now than they were before
the weevil came. The increased
valuation of our farm lands affirms
this assertion. There are at least
so per cent if not 90, per cent of
the farmers of this country who
depend upon growing cotton alone
for living.
When the weevil made its first
appearance here the people be-
came excited and sacrificed their
property and hurt themselves
worse than the weevils did. Bank
ers refused to loan money, and the
merchants refused to give credit,
and, in fact, every kind of business
was demoralized but now our bank
ers advertise money to loan to
farmers in the country papers, and
any honest man can get credit II
he wants it. Now, Doctor, these
are facts that can be verified by
any one who cares to investigate.
And now, as to the Government
position: l made this statement
to you, and if any one cares to III.
vestigate my reputation in this
country for truth and veracity
refer them without permission te
the following gentlemen: Tucker
Royal, cashier of the Royal
National Bank, Palestine, Texas
H. Horwits, one of the leading DIR,
goods merchants of Palestine; j. j
Strickland, Representative for An
derson county, present address
| Austin, Texas; F. r. Morris Com
pany, commission merchants, Pal
estine, Texas; o. c. Funderburk
Judge of Anderson county. l
these gentlemen, or either OF them
says that l would state an untrut
| have no more to say, L am,
u Yours very respectfully.
~ z. BRoUGHToN.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
Ask Yourself the Question.

Why not use Chamberlain's Liniment
when YOU have rheumatism? We feel
sure that that the result will be prompt
and satisfactory. 1t has cured others,
why not you? Try it. 1t costs but a
trife. Price Is cents; large size, Soc.
For sale by VALLEY drug store.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
The Fleet at Home.

Yesterday the anniversary OF
the birth of the illustrious Wash
ington-the battleship feet, escort
ed by the home squadron, steamed
into Hampton Roads on schedule
time, completing the cruise OF more
than 10000 miles, lasting fourteen
months. The fleet was reviewed
by President Roosevelt aud was
welcomed by great throng OF
people.
With the end of this remarkable
cruise the ships comprising the
feet dispense to the various navy
yards for such overhauling rs may
be found absolutely necessary, and
the navy will be less in the public
eve than it has been for more than
year past. While at the moment
nothing but enthusiasm Is felt over
the fleets achievement, when all
the bills of expenses connected
with the cruise are in the enthusl-
assn will not be SO great. An enor-
mour amount of money was spent
in making this cruise, the coal bill
alone amounting to millions OF
dollars.
1t is pretty safe to predict that
there will not be repetition OF So
lengthy a cruise in a generation.
While it may have served many
useful purposes it did not afford
the personnel any more actual
training than could have been Sc
cured in cruise of less extent or
in the regular winter or summer
maneuvers. In addition to the cost
there has been the wear aud tear
on the ships, which has undoubted-
ly been far greater than would have
been the case in several years OF
ordinary cruising. The limit OF
a battleship's life is estimated to
be twenty years with ordinary
usage, but such extensive cruising
as the fleet has been engaged In Tor
the past year was not considered
in the calculations.
With the feet safely In home
waters, we will hear less OF wal
scares and possible quarrels will
Japan. 1t would have been much
wiser had few of the battleships
, been left on the Pacific coast, bu
there was such demand that th'
whole fighting feet be kept togeth
t er that the Pacific was left to th'
q guardianship of squadron OF fas
armored cruisers and ships tina
: could have easily been spared t.
have been brought around into tn
Atlantic. APicayune, Feb. 70.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27

Mr.. John L. Nixon, manager of
the Crowley, La, Signal, died at
Mobile, Ala, two weeks ago after
a brief illness. Mr.. Nixon was
prominent in Odd Fellow circles as
well as in the newspaper profession.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
The reports to the Grand Lode

The reports to the Grand Lodge
of the Free and Accepted Masons
of Louisiana show that it embraces
a membership of $4,000, and is
within three years of the century
mark. The receipts for the past
year approached the $4,000 mark
with $4,000 remaining in the
treasury at the end of the year. 1t
is a grand and successful order
that has come down the centuries
since the building of Solomon's
temple.
The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1909-02-27
A Texan Tells How They Make
Cotton Since the Boil
WeeVil Came.

Weevii came.
Fayette, Miss, Jan. 25.-Dr. w.
II. III. Lewis, who was one OF the
Jefferson County Commissioners
who investigated boil weevil con-
di,ions in Texas last fall at the ill.,
stance of the Board of Supervisors,
aud whose report of that investl-
cation has been criticised and to
some extent discredited by Dr.
Knapp, of the United States De-
partment of Agriculture, is IN re-
ceipt of the following letter from
z. Broughton, of Palestine, Texas,
to whom DR.. Lewis referred In his
report as a successful cotton plant
err who did not indorse the teach
ings of the Governments so-called
experts" and who had refused to
work for the Department, under
DIR. Knapp, for the reason that he
could not indorse his method OF
fighting the weevil:
Palestine, Tex, Jan. 81, 'O9.
DIR. w. H. H. Lewis, Fayette,
Miss.
Dear Sir:-I have in hand copy
of the Fayette Chronicle IN which
appears an article by you, and 1t
seems from your reply that in some
way DR.. Knapp denies the state
ment that | made to you while III
Texas that l had been rendered a
position under the Department as
field agent; that tender was not
made by DIR. Knapp personally,
but was made by one of his sub
ordinates, which amounts to the
same thing.
| regret that the statements L
made to you conflict with the
teachings of DIR. Knapp's depart
ment; they were made truthfully
however, with no intention to mis-
lead. Your people are doubtless
discouraged over the boil weevil
situation, and no doubt listen to
many reports that are not true, and
if they listen to the so-called boil
weevil experts" they will do many
dollars worth Of work that will be
worth less to them, and III some III
stances actually injurious to theil
crops. They will tell you to plan
early, and we know that to be 8
mistake, because if your cotton vii
stand cold spell after it comes up
it will not mature fruit as early a.
if planted lstsr, and yotf-wlll have
10 work Il longer, hence it increas
es the cost of production. The!
will tell you next to cross-harroV
Won, cotton after it comes up; w
have found that to be work los
and not only that, it Injuries til
cotton. for it bruises the stalks an'
causes what we call here in Texa
sore shank (the stalk rots an
breaks off at the ground.) LII
cross narrowing does nothing t
hinder the progress of the weevi
They will tell you to pick up th
forms that fall off the cotton. Ihs
does no good because we make
much. cotton when we don't PIC
them up.
Now, as to the statements mad
to YOU: They are applied to grow
ing cotton under natural condition
in Anderson County, Tex, that
without the use of fertilizer. W
have never planted crop OF cote
here that matured all the form
that came on the stalks, and
seems that the weevil doesn't g
apy more of it than it would othe
wise shed, for when the wee'
works on cotton it does not slit
it's form from any other caus
Hence, by the Intelligent use
fertilizers, You may increase q
capacity of the plant for.puttil
on forms, aud consequently matu
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26
GERMAN DEDUCTIONS

A n eminent German scientist solemn1y an
nounces that the constituent elements that
go to make up an average man. weighing, say,
one hundred and fifty pounds may be found,
chemically speaking, in the whites and yolks of
twelve hundred hens eggs
The same authority assures that, reduced to
proper scientific terms the average man would
yield some ninety-eight cubic meters of illumi-
mating gas, together with hydrogen in sufficient
quantity to sustain a balloon capable of lifting
one hundred and fifty-ive pounds
Then too, the normal human body contains
within itself the iron needed to make seven
large nails, the fat for fourteen pounds of can
dies the carbon for sixty-four gross of crayons
and phosphorus enough for eight hundred and
twenty thousand matches.
1t may be added that the body of the aver
age man would also yield about twenty table
spoonfuls of salt, fifty ordinary humps of sugar,
and forty-four quarts of water.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26

HE pleasure Of improving a country subur-
ban place is enhanced by number Of things
that you can plan for yourself.
Our book Concrete Construction about
the Home and on the Farm" tells about the
use of concrete the home grounds for purposes of
beauty and utility. which will greatly interest every
owner Of place. however SMALL
Send for this book today-it's free.
In planning these Improvements. remember that
the success Of concrete construction depends upon
The quality of cement used. that there are many
brands of Portland Cement-that one
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26
GOSSIP OF STARLAND

cavernous caldrons that seethe
and foam on its surface, he might
be able to obtain much valua-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26
A New Telescope at Mount Wilson

nR. RITCHEY, of the Solar Observatory at
- Mount Wilson, has been at work in France
in behalf of a new telescope for Mount Wilson,
experimenting the casting of disk for re-
Hector of one hundred inches diameter, which
has presented considerable difficulties. The
glass disk for the sixty-inch rejecting telescope
now in at the Wilson Observatory was made
in France, and proved entirely satisfactory.
New methods had been employed in grinding
and polishing, and the test showed a figure of
extreme accuracy. Not the least arduous part
of the work was the transportation of the
masses weighing many tons up the mountain
road The telescope is now in position in the
dome that has been built for it, and preliminary
work has been started.
Armed with these powerful eyes of science,
surely destined to learn new truths about
the sun
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26

IN these days of aerial transit,
i when long distance voyages
are possible by ordinary spherical
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-09-26
Solar Cyclones and Sunspots

SURPRISING it possible for him to drift away
from our planet altogether, and draw near
enough to the sun to gaze down into the huge