davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
Defined.

Say. pop. what's civil service?"
"Eh? It's an act governing the
service in the department, the Gus
toms, the postal. the government print
ing"
But, dad. what does it mean?"
Mean? 1t means where a busy man
rushes into the postofiice to buy some
stamps, falls in line, waits an hour
and 20 minutes before reaching the
window-then. after rendering a hun
dred-dollar bill, hears the tallow-faced
clerk murmur pleasantly:
Wholesale stamps at the next win
dow, please! bohemian.
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
Widow to Widowers.

Mr.. Robert Marshall. a well-known
London police court missionary, re-
Gently received the following letter;
Dear Sir: Reading of you some
times in newspapers, take the liberty
Of asking If you know off a very re-
speckable man wishen to get married
again. have bean widow for years
now and am all alone in the world.
Trusting to your honor and remaining
yours respectable. Mrs. -, middle
age"
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
Harvesting Hay.

Get as much of the hay as possible
into the barn or other adequate shell
ter as soon as it is harvested. Hay
stacked in the field deteriorates from
one-fourth to one-half in value after
it has stood there till winter. If any
of the hay must be stacked out, cover
the top of the stack with straw, other
coarse grass, or with canvas to keen
out rains. The extra labor and ex
pense will be we'll repaid
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
And the Old Man 9rinned.

Duke" said the heiress, eagerly,
did you see father?"
YES"
"Well?"
I'VE talked about the weather"
What? Lose your nerve again?
Why don't you brace up and talk like
mama subject of king on whose
domain the sun never sets!"
Cant" moaned the duke. "All the
time l was in your fathers Office he
kept grinning at big painting"
What painting?"
"The battle of Bunker Hill"
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
Crop Growing on Small Scale.

A small holder in East Lexham is
making an interesting experiment in
barley growing upon his land to test
the possibility of raising corn on a
small scale. In 1907 he sowed rs g
cially selected grains of barley. which
yielded 400 ears. The resulting ker'
nels he sowed in 1908 and harvested
in IA weeks, with the result that he
got bushel of threshed barley, which
he has sown this year, his object be-
ing to show what can be done in ce-
real cultivation from very small be
ginnings Standard.
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
A Sure Sian.

What is the sign when a man
parts his hair in the middle?" said
the old fellow in the front row of the
orchestra, to friend, loud enough to
be heard by the young man just be-
hind them.
Its a sign that he's not bald
headed" replied the young man.
leaning forward.-Yonkers Statesman.
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
Providing Against Emeraencies.

"1s you de insurance gemman ?"
asked Mr.. Erastus Pinkley.
Il am" answered the urbane agent
"Well, l wants to talk business.
ain got muffin to say agin my neigh
bors, but Use had lot of unexpected
occurrences. I wants to see If can't
arrange to get some accident insup-
ance on my chicken COOP"
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06

Dividents totaling s129,035 were
paid to shareholders of the following
mining companies owning and operat-
ing mines in the Cripple Creek dis
trict during July: Portland, cents
per share, 100000; Vindicator Consol-
idated. 1k cents share, S22.500;
Gold Dollar Consolidated. Y cent a
share. s12.50O; Requa-Savage. u cent
a share, $4,035.
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06
SkepticaJ,

why did he look so bored when /
said there was luck in odd numbers?"
'It seems that his wife defused him
twice and accepted him the third time
he proposed"
The Springfield herald., 1909-08-06

Knows He ls Victorious,
Cupid grins when a woman bosses
around the man she loves.-Manches
ter Union.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Meant the Other Way.

Rear Admiral Sperry, commander
in-chief of the feet returned from its
triumphant sail around the world,
sometimes has serious spells OF absent
mindedness. Several years ago he was
talking with a group of fellow officers
at the Naval War college at Newport,
when one of them remarked that he
had been ordered for duty on the
Asiatic station.
Are you going to take your wife
with you?" Admiral Sperry inquired.
NO." the officer replied.
II think you are making serious
mistake" the admiral continued IN
positive terms. II was out there IN
1875 when an epidemic of cholera
broke out, and hundreds of people
died."-Sunday Magazine.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
NEW IDEA
Helped Wis. Couple.

It doesn't pay to stick too closely to
old notions of things. New ideas often
lead to better health, success and hap
piness.
A Wis. couple examined an idea new
to them and stepped up several rounds
on the health ladder. The husband
writes:
Several years ago we suffered from
coffee drinking, were sleepless.
nervous, sallow, weak and irritable.
My wife and I both loved coffee and
thought 1t was a bracer." (delusion)
FINALLY, after years Of suffering, we
read of Postum and the harmfulness
of coffee, and believing that to grow
we should give some attention to new
ideas, we decided to test Postum.
J when we made 1t right we liked 1t
and were relieved of ills caused by
coffee. Our friends noticed the change
---fresher skin, steadier nerves, better
temper, etc.
"These changes were not sudden,
but relief increased as we continued to
drink and enjoy Postum, and we lost
the desire for coffee.
Many Of our friends did not like
Postum at first, because they did not
make 1t right. But when they boiled
Postum according to directions on
,.lkv ,,ntil a. xuac dnrk and rich thav
liked 1t better than coffee and were
benefited by the change" There's
a Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich. Read "The Road to Well
ville' in pkgs.
Ever read the above Ietters A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, aHa fall Of human
Interest
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
CLASS THAT HUBBY WAS IN.
Possibly Wife Did Not Mean It Just
That Way, But There II Was.

A hus and wife ran freak
show in rtain provincial town, but
unfortunately they quarreled, and the
exhibits were equally divided between
them. The wife decided to continue
business as an exhibitor at the old ad-
dress, but the husband went on tour.
After some years wandering the
prodigal returned, and reconciliation
took place, as the result Of which they
became business partners once more.
A few mornings afterward the people
Of the neighborhood were sent into
fits of laughter on reading the follow
ing notice in the papers:
by the return Of my husband, my
stock Of freaks has been permanently
Increased"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
WESTERN CANADA'S SPLENDID
CROP YIELD FOR 1908.
AMERICANS PRoFITED LARGELY
AND SEND BACK sATisFAc-
TORY REPORTS.

The census branch or the Depart.
ment of Agriculture, Ottawa, Canada,
has completed its returns Of the show
ing Of Western Canada's grain yield
for 1908, and the reports make very
interesting reading. In the three prov
inces Of Manitoba, Saskatchewan and
Alberta, which comprise what may be
known as Central Canada, there was a
total wheat yield Of about 107, ,000, 900
bushels, worth to the farmer about
$85, 100000; in addition to this the oat,
barley and fax crops were worth an
other $35,0O0,O00. Letters have been
received from many of the settlers
from the United States. From these,
that Of Rev. Oscar l.. King has been
selected. He lives In the vicinity Of
Edmonton, Alberta, and what he says
will be of interest to those who con-
template moving to Central Canada.
Every line Of the letter is interesting.
Those who wish for the particulars as
to how to secure homesteads and pre-
emptions should write any Canadian
Government agent. Mr.. King says:
"Mr. M. V. McInnnes, Detroit, Mich
igan: ! am well satisfied with Al
berta This country offers excellent
opportunities for anyone to. make a
good home for himself and family
II he is willing to put up with few
hard knocks for the first two or three
years. But 1t Is worth a few hard
knocks to get 160-acre farm of rich,
productive land with no mortgage on
it. This province is we'll fitted for
grains, stock raising and dairying. We
have found the climate generally
healthful, more healthful than Mich
igan, and although the thermometer
sometimes drops to 40 degrees below
zero in winter, yet we do not seem to
feel that temperature any more than
we did or 10 degrees below zero in
Michigan. We like the winters.
"The Government takes great inter-
est in the education Of the people and
quickly aids the settlers in establish
ing schools where they are called for.
The schools, though graded differently
than those in the States, are efficient
and advancing. Our great drawback
has been the limited and inadequate
railway facilities but new roads are
being rapidly built and many more
are projected through various parts
of the province. The new policy of
the Alberta government to construct
a great many branch lines throughout
the province will greatly help all parts
of the country. If those new settlers
who have to go back a considerable
distance from existing railroads and
towns to find free homesteads will
but locate along the line of project
ed railroad they will in two or three
years be near both town and railroad.
When / first came to this country
three and half years ago the home
stead took was rs miles from rail-
road town; now there is railroad rs
miles north another 25 miles south,
and third is being built through my
neighborhood
Il think the prairie country or coun-
try that is partly prairie offers much
better opportunities than the billy
portions"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
"saIome" Dancer Enjoined by Court.

Kansas City, Mo-, March 2.-An In
junction was granted late yesterday
afternoon restraining Gertrude Hoff'
man, the actress, from giving her YER
sion of the "Salome" dance or any
similar dance at a local theater. She
is also restrained from singing her Il
Don't Care" song.
The order was granted by Judge
Porterfield of the circuit court here,
and action was brought in the name
of the state. 1t is believed the minis
ters Of the city are behind the cru
SADIE. Miss Hoffman's engagement
here excited unusual criticism on ac-
count of the revival now being con-
Quoted here by Gypsy Smith.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
HAD AWFUL WEEPING ECZEMA.
Face and Neck Were Raw-Terrible
Itching, Inflammation and Soreness
All Treatments Failed.
cuticura Proved a Great Success,

Eczema began over the top Of my
ear. 1t cracked and then began to
spread. / had three different doctors
and tried several things, but they did
me no good. At last one side Of my
face and my neck were raw. The
water ran out of it SO that I had to
wear medicated cotton, and it was so
inflamed and sore that had to put
a piece Of cloth over my pillow to keep
the water from it, and 1t would stain
the cloth a sort of yellow. The &C.
zemaitched so that 1t seemed as though
l could tear my face all to pieces.
Then l began to use the Cuticura Soap
and Ointment, and 1t was not more
than three months before 1t was all
healed up. Miss Ann Pearsons, North
field, VT, Dec. 10, 1907"
Potter Drug Chem. Corp, Sole Props, Boston.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Added a Saving Clause.

A good old deacon in Connecticut
was very pious and very fond OF
clans. When once upon time he at
tended Rhode Island clam-bake he
overtaxed his capacity and was sore
ly distressed. But his faith in prayer
was unabated. Leaving the party and
going down on his knees behind a
tree, he was heard to supplicate:
Forgive me, o Lord, this great sin
Of gluttony Restore my health, and
will never eat any more clans"
Then after judicious pause: Very
few. II any. Amen"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
LEWIS "SlNGLE BlNDER."

A handmade cigar fresh from the
table, wrapped in foil, thus keeping
fresh until smoked. A fresh cigar
made Of good tobacco is the ideal
smoke. The old, well cured tobaccos
used are so rich in quality that many
who formerly smoked 10c cigars now
smoke Lewis Single Binder Straight
&c. Lewis Single Binder costs the
dealer some more than other SC cigars,
but the higher price enables this fac
tory to use extra quality tobacco.
There are many limitations; don't be
fooled. There is no substitute! Tell
the dealer you want Lewis Single
Binder"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Prisoners In jail Break Furniture.

Tulsa, Okla. March 2.-Twenty-four
hours Of mutinity among prisoners
confined in the county jail here
ceased yesterday when the sheriff and
his deputies with four OF the most un-
ruly prisoners left for Oklahoma City,
where the men will be held for safe
keeping.
The mutiny was due Ito an order
placing the prisoners on half rations
as punishment for cursing the officers.
The prisoners destroyed the. hunks
and broke dishes and windows.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Booth Gives Bond.

Chicago, March 2.-W. Vernon
Booth, president of A. Booth & Co.,
and F. R. Robbins, former assistant
treasurer of the company, who were
indicted Jointly last Saturday on a
charge of conspiracy to defraud the
Continental National bank out of $780,
900, gave bonds for $25,OOO and $4,000
respectively yesterday.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Pills, which he said had made a bad
back well, enabled him to sleep bet
ter nights and feel more fit for work.
The treatment also cleared up the
urine. On January 5, 1909, Judge Law
confirmed his previous testimony. Il
have recommended this remedy to
many people since I first used It,"
said he.
Sold by all dealers. so cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Should Have Looked for Elephant.

A sailor enters a livery-stable to
hire horse for the day to take some
friends into the country. The proprie-
tor has one brought out for inspection,
and begins: There's beauty for
you! Small head, clean legs, short
back" "Short back be blowed! We
want one with long back. It's to
carry nine."
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Admiral Nelson was the recipient OF
favoritism in the matter of his ap-
pointment to the British naval serv'
ice. Nelson's father could not have af-
forded to send his son to Osborne.
"But If he had been Nelson would
have been rejected as physically un-
fit," says writer. Nelson was
shoveled into the navy under bit OF
jobbery and pushed on by backdoor
influence"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
How'S This?

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any
base OF Catarrh that cannot be cured by HallA
Catarrh Cure.
FL. CHENEY 4 CO.. Toledo. o.
We. the undersigned. have known F. ]. Cheney
for the last IS years. and believe him perfectly hon-
orabe In all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his nrm.
WALDINo. KINNAN a MARVIN,
Wholesale Druggists, Toledo o.
Halls Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces Of the
system. Testimonials sent free. Price rs cents per
bottle. Sold by oil Druggists.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Seems But Yesterday.

'I heard girl say to-day that the
Trilby craze was before her time. She
was grown, too."
What's the answer?"
I'VE are growing old, my boy. We
are growing old"
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Harvester Co. Pays Fine of s1s,7o2

Topeka Kon., March 2.-The Inter
national Harvester company yester'
day paid to R. L. Thomas, clerk OF
the Shawnee county district court,
s13.7O2, the fine and costs assessed
against the company by Judge A. W..
Dana for violating the, antitrust laws.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04


known far and wide
as the Marrying
Squire" from the
fact that he has mar
ried more couples
than any other Off
cialin Indiana. Judge
Law wrote a letter
in 1906, recommend
ing Doan's Kidney
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

ONLY ONE "BROMO QUININE..
That is LAXATIVE BROMO QUlNINE. Look for
the signature Of N. w. GROVE. Used the World
over 70 Cure q Cold In One Day. 1c.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

If one-half the world doesn't know
how the other half lives, 1t ought to
be informed that the process Is the
simple one of not paying its bills.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Many fellow who tells girl he
would lay down his life for her is
afraid to take a chance by breaking
the news to her father.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Try the Natural laxative, Garfield Tea! It
overcomes constipation and regulates liver
and kidneys. Samples sent upon request.
Garfield Tea Co., Brooklyn, N. Y.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

FELLOW CLOTHES ARE UNsIGHTLY.
Keep them white with Red Cross Ball Blue
ALI grocers sell large OF. package, 3 cents.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Life does not make US. we make
life.-Kavanagh.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

For relieving Coughs, Asthma and Bron-
chitis Browns Bronchial Troches" are
effective, 25 cents a box. Samples free.
John l. Brown & Son, Boston, Mass.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup.
For children teethng softens the gums reduces In
1ammation says pain cures wind colo. 25c bottle.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

If It's Your Eye Use Pettit's Eye salve,
for inflammation, stys, itching lids, eye
aches, defects of vision and sensitivity to
strong lights. All druggists or Howard
Bros, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
NRoUeH sTUFFINo.

The Tiger-It was bad enough to be
cut off in my prime, but to be stuffed
by an amateur taxidermist is really
too hard to bear!
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Deserves censure.

A Boston woman is charged with
throwing a pie in her husbands face.
That's fine way to waste pie!
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Silence isn't always golden. Some
times 1t Is an admission of guilt.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
BURBANK ED.

Cecilia City-What are you doing?
Cyrus Cornswoggle-I'm pruning
this apple tree.
Cecilia City--What will science do
next? Going to grow prunes on an
apple tree!
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
"THE MARRYING SQUIRE"
Justice George Z. Law Has Broken All
Records.

George q. Law, Justice Of the Peace,
13A Franklin St. Brazil, Ind, is
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
COURT ORDERS RETURN OF Pa
PERs TAKEN FROM MAC.
REYNOLDS.
FAILED TO SHOW A CONSPIRACY
Documents Were Taken Because They
Were Believed to Contain Mat
ter Relative to Damage Suit
Against Hearst.

Guthrie, Okla, March 2.-Scott Mac
Reynolds Of Brooklyn, N. Y, the per-
sonal representative Of William r.
Hearst, in the Logan county court
here yesterday, gained complete vic
tory over Governor Charles N Has
kell, in his suit to compel the COVER
nor to return to him certain papers
seized at the instance Of the governor.
Judge Strang, who presided, handed
down a lengthy decision holding that
the writ of search and seizure issued
under an affidavit signed by Governor
Haskell, alleging that MacReynolds
had in his possession papers which he
intended to publish, thereby libeling
the governor, was without sufficient
fact to justify the action Of the Off
GERS, and orderd that the papers and
other property Of Mr.. MacReynolds be
returned to him. In referring to the
writ, Judge Strang said:
The Judges opinion.
1T does not rise to the dignity of a
showing calculated to satisfy the court
that crime is being committed by the
defendant, such a showing as the law
requires before the security guaran-
teed by the constitution against search
and seizure shall be disturbed, for
while 1t states that the defendant has
conspred, or is conspiring, 1t also
shows that the affiant does not know
any specific or definite person with
whom he has conspired or Is conspir-
ing, and this allegation is not followed
by any alleged facts to support the
allegation of conspiracy; neither does
1t present any facts as foundation
as to what follows on information and
belief that the defendant has In his
possession any papers with the intent
to publish the same, or otherwise use
them as the means of libeling affiant." !"
Continuing, the court held that the
"writ itself is bad"
In Courts Custody.
Owing to an agreement reached sew
eral weeks ago, the papers of Mr.. Mac
Reynolds will remain in the custody
of the court until the attorneys for the
governor have decided just what ac-
ton will be taken to continue the
case In the higher courts.
MacReynolds was not In court, hav-
ing been released on the personal guar
antee of Judge Burford that he would
be produced in court at any time de-
manded.
It was for the purpose OF securing
alleged evidence which Hearst was
stated to be preparing to use in de-
fense of the 100000 suit instituted by
Governor Haskell that the arrest OF
MacReynolds, together with the writ
of search and seizure, was issued.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Our powers owe much Of their en-
ergy to our hopes.-Johnson.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Red. weak. weary, Watery' Eyes

Relieved by Murine Eye Remedy. Com
pounded by Experienced Physicians. Mu-
Write Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
for illustrated Eye Book. At Druggists.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

A woman wouldn't mind being poor
so much If all her acquaintances we're
just little poorer.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Even in fishing for husbands 1t is
generally the big ones that get away.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

IF YOU USE BALI. BLUE,
Get Red Cross Ball Blue, the best Ball
Blue. Large 2 OF. package only cents.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
PILES CURED IN TO14DAYs

PAZ0 OINTM ENT Is guaranteed to cure any case
Of Itching, Blind, Bleeding or Protrudlng Piles in
6to IA days or money refunded. 900.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

About the easiest thing in the world
for some people to make is break.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Faith Is obedience, not confidence.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

Tell a married man he doesn't look
1t and he will be terribly fattered
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
rnnnorfant 10 Mothara.

Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that 1t
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04

at $500 an acre. The 100000 contented
American settlers making their homes In
Western Canada is the best evidence Of
the superiority Of that country. They are
becoming rich, growing from IS to so
bushels wheat to the acre; 90 to 10 BUSH
els oats and As to go bushels barley, be-
sides having splendid herds Of cattle raised
on the prairie grass. Dairying Is an inn
portant industry.
The crop Of 1908 still keeps Western Canada
In the lead. Theworld will soon look to II ~
its food-producer.
1.-THE thing which most impressed MS was the
magnitude Of the country that 10 available for
agricultural purposes" - National Editorial
Correspondence, fyO5.
Low railway rates, good schools and churches,
markets convenient, prices the highest, climate
perfect.
Lands are for sale by Railway and Land Com.
panies. Descriptive pamphlets and maps sent free.
For railway rates and other information apply 70
Superintendent Of Immigration, Ottawa, Canada, or
the authorized Canadian Government Agent:
US. CRAWFORD.
No. l2s ". Ninth Street. Kansas City. MIssssf.
The Globe-republican., 1909-03-04
Western Canada The Psnnani Winner
ast B lest N est

The government o.
Canada now gives
to every actual set
tier l6O acres Of
wheat.9rOwin6
land free and an
if.xs..ia rn . 49,.