The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1909-06-15
Mr., DOOlEY ON TURKISH POLITICS

B, F. P. DUNE

was me dInDlllOI OF Noii " lIIiiIl "
be a king. Arly in life I'd committed
the youthful folly iv bein' born out
side iv tn country an so | cuddent
be prisidint. But it don't make amy
diff what country a kl1g comes
from SO long as he don't come frm
tn country where he is king. No
natives need apply, is tn motto. If a
country is so bad off hat it has to
have a king they sind a comfy down
to Ellis island an pick out a good
healthy scandinavian, make him
throw away his wooden shoes an
bather cap an proclaim him King,
definder iv tn Faith. Kings are tn
On'y assisted immigrants that are let
in. TIL King " England is a German,
tn King iv Italy is a Sardine, tn King
iv Sweden is a Fr-rinchman an all
tn other kings an queens are Danes,
EXCEPT tn King iv Denmark, an til
Lord knows what he is. +
so We see, Hinnissy, there's nav
thin NTH constitution to preyint me
firm bein' a king an l looked forward
to tn time whin Id urn tn Illinye
Cinthral deepo into a rile palace an
rule me SubjickS, ye'ersilf non thin,
with a high hand. I'd be a just but
marciful monarch. No wan that
come to tn palace wud go away
empty handed. Id always ave thin
a little something. DiyVle a bit IL a
AAAFSs ooN l. " SSi 49, A~AC
silf with tn best thrained Fathers
hat cud be hired FIR love or money
an no wan Wud tell me tn truth an
I'd live an die happy. Id show
these here modhern kings o a king
ought to behave. We Wudden't see
Martin I, iv beloved mim'ry, runnin'
around like a hired entertainer, wan
day dom tn wurruk iv q talkative
b~ricklayer at tn layin' iv a corner
stone, another day presidin' over a
bankit iy tn A~malgamated Society "
Manufacturers iV HoOks-an-Eyes OF
racin' horses with Boots Durnell an
Charlie OK or waitin' out in tn rain
fr a balloon to come down that's stuck
on a church steeple forty miles away.
No, sir, Id niVer appear in public, but
WanSt q year and thin Id bliQdfOld
me lille subjicks SO that they'd sta
lille. An Id niver open me mouth
EXCEPT to command music an drink.
But tn low taste iy kings has OCned
tn business IS a pursoot fr gintlemen
an today Id think twict befure takin'
tn job. It's as pr~ecaryous as q
steeple lacks an no more perna-
nent thin a Rosenfelt hold-over
undher Taft. If a king goes out an
looks naughty some wan iy his sub
jicks fires a gas pipe bomb at him
an if he thries to be janial he's IIble
to be slapped on tn back in tn pad
dock an called Ed
Look at me frind, Abdul Hamid.
Whin I dhreamed iv bein' king, some-
times l let me mind run on till I had
mesilf promoted to be Sultan "
Turkey, There, me boy, was Il job
that always PLACED me. 1t was we'll
paid, it looked to be permanent and
I thought it about tn best
situation NTH wurruld. TIL Sultan
was q kind iv a combination is pope
an king. If he didn't like We he first
A-o 41:1 II
gled We. There, thinks I TO mesilf,
there he sets, tn happy old ruffyan,
on a silk embroidered lounge. in his
hand wurruked slippers, with his legs
curled up undher him, q turban on
his head. a crooked soord in his lap.
a pitcher iV sherbet (Which is tn
in thin parts) at his elbow, a pipe
stem like q lose in his hand, while
inghtingales whistles in tn cypress
threes in tn garden an beautiful Cir
cassyan ladies dance in front iv him
far firm his madding throng IL wives,
as the pOte says.
"Whin the sicrety Of tn threasury
wants to report to him, he starts
firm his office on his stomach and
Wriggles into tn august presence.
What is it We want, oh head of ligum
witty? says tn sultan. Bark for tn la
dies says he with a chuckle6. oh,
d~escindent iv tn prophet whose name
stars, whose frown is death an whose
smile is heaven to the faithful
ont be so familyer with me first
name says tn sultan, but go on
with ye'er contimptible supplication,'
says he. 'Ye'er slave says tn sicrety
iv tn threasury firm tn flure. is de-
sthroyed with grief to tell We that af-
Their standing tn intire empire on its
head he's been Onable to shake out
more thin two million paisthres fr
this weeks EXPENSES " ye'er awful
ness says he. What says tn sultan,
two millyon paisthres-hardly enough
to buy bur'rud seed FIR me buIbuls,'
says he. How dare We come into me
august presence with such an insult.
Lave it on tn flure FIR the bohy that
sweeps up. oh son iv a tailor he saws