Baxter Springs news. [volume] (Baxter Springs, Kan.) 1882-1919, 1909-08-19
UNCLE ALEXANDER'S.
Views
Ne Tells Aunt hOtty Something AbouI
the MSnSs cement Of HUSBANDS.

Our hired man came In with q choice
little bit Of gossip, and my Uncle Al
exander and Aunt Hetty listened with
interest. l was interested, too.
"He came q hyin' out O. the house
with his suspenders steakin' out be-
hind him, an q pot lid come after an
hit one o. them fancy cochins Of hers
an laid It out stiff," chuckled our
hired man.
Its an III wind that don't blow NO
one no good" commented my Uncle
Alexander. THAT ought to mean a
chicken dinner"
Then she stood in the doorway an
gave him the wust tongue lashin' that
you ever heard tell Of said our hired
man. III there was anythin' ornery
that she didn't call him, my mem'ry
amt what 1t ulster be-"
My Aunt Hetty made deprecatOry
noise with her tongue and teeth.
"Sech doin's!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, I dunno!" said my Uncle Alex
ander.
How'd you like me to throw pot
lids at you." asked my Aunt Hetty.
II s'pose you'd like that"
I'VE certainly amt had chicken for
quite a SPELL" said my Uncle Alexan-
der. mot since Brother Piper was
here. She didn't hit him with any
thin, did she, Preston?"
Il don't cal'late she did" replied our
hired man. mot with anythin' that
she threw at him."
Il don't see nothin' to grin about"
said my Aunt Hetty, severely. Il think
she ought to be ashamed Of herself. ]
don't hold with sech carryin's on
standin' an hollerin' at him SOS folks
could hear herr"
"You could have heard her mile" "
said our hired man.
"All l can say is wonder at her."
said my Aunt Hetty. She's a real
smart woman, an turrible neat in her
housekeepin, but that don't excuse
her actin that way"
81 guess Eben didn't get no more
than what was nessry." said my
Uncle Alexander. Il don't know as
blame her, myself. She's got TO do
somethin' with him, an all she's got
to do It with is her two hands an her
tongue. Eds too plague-taked men
an shifless for any use"
There's other ways" said my Aunt
Hetty.
There's one other way" corrected
my Uncle Alexander. you take a
woman like her, though, an she amt
got but the one. When . woman is
cross-eyed an yaller, an slab-slded,
an bony, she's got to do the best she
can.
1--WE took q heap o. notice Of fe-
males that's got the name Of bein'
lmber-tongued an free with the
broom handle, an there amt nary one
that I can call to mind that would
take fust prize at q beauty show.
They're mostly homelier than sin in
sermon.
'The human man Is so constitooted
that he has got to be driven or coaxed,
one o. the two. The human woman Is
90 consittooted that she's got to coax
or drive, one o. the two, That boln'
the case, II she can't coax, by reason
Of havin' face fifteen to stop q clock
an q 6gger to match, she's got to get
q dow Of language"
II don't see why she can't talk de-
cent, even II she amt no beauty" said
Aunt Hetty.
"The trouble q that she can't set
on her husbands knee and pull his
whiskers," said my Uncle Alexander.
"she can't coozzle. II q woman's plump
an has got rosy cheeks an bright
eyes, she can set anything she wants
By Just coOzlin' up to him an taikin'
baby talk"
'Td like TO know how you found
that out," said my Aunt Hstty, tartly.
Il should think you'd Be ashamed 10
oayk tAat Vay bsaOrO . younG hoy.