davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
CALLING DOWN THE BOASTER
Good Little story Told by William
Dean HoweIls as a Rebuke to
Spread-EaeIeism

ut was William Dean Howells,"
said a Chicago editor, who first re-
buked us Americans for our spread
eagleism, for our foolish Boosting. !
see that Mr.. Howells has just joined
a mems society for the promotion of
woman suffrage. Trust him to be in
the forefront always.
81 once heard Mr.. Howells deliver a
fourth of July Grafton in Maine. The
orator preceding him had boosted a
good deal Mr.. Howells showed that
some of the mans boasts were even
impious.
"He said that these spread-eagle
boosters deserved the rebuke that the
little child administered to the cack-
ling hen that had just laid an egg.
The child, angered by the hens con-
tinuous cawk-cawk-cawk, cawk-cawk.
cawk-cawk, shook his little finger at
her and said:
"'You fink you're smart. But bod
made dat egg. You touldnt help but
lay it,"
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
COULDN'T GET 81 TO ENrHUSE
Hired Mans Remarks Could Hardly
BE Said to Be In Nature Of
of Compliment.

The young lawyer, having been
nominated for the office Of county at
torney, thought to surprise an eGcen.
trio genius by the name of 81 who
was working as a hired man on the
young lawyers fathers farm.
"Well, 81, what do you think?" the
young man began.
Sometimes one thing, Lonny, an
sometimes mother"
"But, 81, they have nominated me
for county attorney"
"They might "a done worse, Lon
ny. Howsomever, don't boiler till
you're out of the woods"
The young attorney was duly
elected, and on his next visit to the
farm announced the fact unctuously
to 81, who was at the woodpile, saw
in hand.
well, 81, am elected by large
majority. What do you think Of
that?"
well, Lonny, down in our parts
where l was raised, when we wanted
a stopper n hadn't any cork, we
generally took a corn cob. Youths
Companion.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
THE OBJECT HE HAD IN VIEW
Farmer Had Not Much Expectation
of Turkeys, But He Was Not
Losing Anything.

A Rhode Island farmer set a ban
tam hen on IA turkey eggs, and great
was the scandal thereof throughout
the neighborhood. Friends from far
and near dropped in for to see and
for to admire the freakish feat.
"Sa-ay, Silas," asked envious Hiram
Haggers, "haow many turkeys d. yew
callate ter git outer them aigs?"
"Oh, shucks!" Silas answered. II
amt cal1atin' t git many turkeys.
Jest admire t. see that pesky little
critter a-spreadin' elf."-Harper'
Weekly
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
Angel Paradise
BY George Edwin Hunf

copyright, by ]. B. Lippincott Coz
Lonesome Linthicum anu / sat In
comfortable leather chairs before the
open fireplace in the club rotunda.
The talk had been of Paradise
Paradise, Arizona, where Lonesome
had spent some years as cow-punch-
er and miner before he made his
stake. In his hand was letter from
Big Bill Jernigan, an old comrade of
those days, now known as the Hon.
William Jernigan, member of con-
gress from the sovereign state of
Montana. Lonesome was reminiscent,
and when oLnesome is reminiscent it
behooved his friends to keep silence
and give heed. / knew my cue, and
this story was my reward:
The Hon. William Jernigan! Think
of it! Old long-legged Big Bill Jerni-
gan! Well, there's heaps worse at
Washington. Did | ever tell you about
the time Bill and made faces at each
other? No? 1t happened at Paradise.
You remember what Saturday was at
Paradise. Town full Of punchers and
miners, the punchers and miners full
of liquor and devilment, and the bar
tenders full of business. Bill and
had been up all night, bucking Three
Fingered Pete's faro game, and were
far from well. Bill made the bets and
/ played lookout for us. Things broke
bad, and along about ten o'clock in
the morning we quit and were stand
ing at the bar. Bill had a crouch on
more than a foot thick, and at that
think mine had his beat block. So
1t was just perfectly natural that moth
ing either of us said would suit the
other. l expressed a desire for corned-
beef hash and red pepper for break
fast, and what Bill said about my
gastronomic ideas was scandalous.
Then Bill said he saw a fellow in a
stock company in Denver the winter
before that was a better actor than
Edwin Booth. l never knew Edwin
Booth, but l resented Bills slur on
his memory most deeply. Finally Bill
said he could rope, throw and tie
more steers in ten minutes than any
man in Arizona, and that settled it.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29

They say that not so very long from
now We'll hear from Mars,
That even now its messages are trick
ling through the stars,
That dots and dashes, flares and
flashes come to us through space
And we could read them quickly If
their meaning we could trace
But o, whatever they may send let us
be filled with mirth
Because they cannot hutter any post
cards down to earth!
We know not what they want to ask;
they may ask of our laws
Or ask us why our funny actors deal
in olden saws,
Or spring a joke about our styles, or
rouse us through and through
BY ticking over space this: rs it hot
enough for your
But it's no odds what word they send
from any Marian town,
We know at least they cannot mail a
single post card down!
They may crack their jokes on Pan
anna, and tell us that that ditch
Is so like the equator that they can't
say which is which;
They may send mystic messages done
by a Marian hand
In some amazing cryptogram that
none can understand
But it's no odds what they may think
or write or do or say,
They can't send any post cards, for
they are too far away.
Some forty million miles Is quite too
long a postal route,
And so although of what they want
we may all be in doubt
OF this we may be certain, when the
solar problem clears
The folks on Mars will not be sending
us some souvenirs,
So let us poke our telescopes all BRAY
ly at the stars
We know no post cards will be mailed
down to the earth from Mars.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29

| retorted some acrimonious. Bill was
not polite. Diplomatic relations were
busted, and one Of us called the other
a liar. 1 don't remember which one
1t was, but that makes no difference
now.
The room was full of the boys,
some playing cards and some at the
bar, where Three Fingered Pete and
Dutch Henry were serving drinks.
When Bill and l stepped back and
dropped our hands to our guns, they
all respected our feelings and acted
according. Dutch and Pete topped
to the floor behind the bar. Seven or
eight of the boys broke for the safe.
Now, make no mistake-but you
won't, because you knew those boys.
They wasn't afraid; you couldn't
scare those fellows. But they had
sense. If Bill and l had a difference
of opinion, that was our business, not
theirs. And II we wanted to settle
1t by shooting holes in each other,
that also was our business. So they
ducked.
l knew there wasn't any use trying
to fool around and shoot Bill in the
leg or arm. I'd seen Bill shoot when
he thought he had to shoot, and under
those circumstances Bill shot straight
and quick, mind you, mighty quick.
So l decided the only thing that
would leave me behind to herd the
elusive maverick and eat the base
born hominy and hog was to beat him
to it, and had a sneaking notion that
1 was just a little bit quicker on the
draw and pull than he was.
We stood there maybe ten seconds
it seemed to me like an hour-look-
Ing each other in the eye, both crazy
mad. Well, my nerves would have
twisted up in little knots in about five
seconds more, and / would have prob
ably done something foolish and Bill
would have potted me, but Just before
blew up voice at the saloon door
said: "Hellol" soft and sweet, and
''retardo" on the 10"
Now, If that had been a mans
voice neither of us would have paid
any attention to 1t, or else we would
have both turned in and licked the
everlasting daylights out of him for
interfering with two gentlemen who
were irving to settle scientific differ.
ence-according to how mad we were
But Il wasn't, On the contrary, quite
the reverse. saw BilPs glance waver
and knew Bill couldn't shoot man
that wasn't looking, any more than he
could wear a stiff collar; SO, my curl
Dsity being some aroused, turned
coward the door.
/ almost hate to tell you, 1t was 50
lovely. There on the tor step, just
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
PRIVILEGE of English Husband.

A wife who complained at the
Marylebone police court in London the
other day that her husband used
abusive language to her was informed
by Mr.. Plowden that this was one of
a husbands privileges.
you must put up with it," the mag
istrate told her. Better an abusive
husband than no husband at ALL"
But / have had so many years of
this kind of thing" she protested.
Il cannot give you any redress
Mr.. Plowden replied, you must ex'
pect certain amount of abuse in this
world"
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
Quick study.

Hello" we say to our enthusiastic
young friend who has announced his
intention of working with the laboring
men and entering into the life of the
down-trodden. "Hello!" Thought you
had taken a job as hod-carrier and
were going to stick at it until you
knew by actual experience what 1t
means to lug a hod up and down a
ladder day in and day out"
well" he replies, rubbing his
shoulder. "I-er-you see, did take
the Job, and learned all about it in
four trips up and down the ladder"
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
SKIN ERUPTION CURED.
Was So Sore, Irritating and Painful
That Little Sufferer Could Not Sleep
Scratched Constantly.
cuticura's Efficacy Clearly Proven.

when about two and a half years
old my daughter broke out on her hips
and the upper parts of her legs with a
very irritating and painful eruption. 1t
began in October; the first l noticed
was a little red surface and a constant
desire on her part to scratch her limbs.
She could not sleep and the eruptions
got sore, and yellow water came out
Of them. had two doctors treat her,
but she grew worse under their treat
ment. Then 1 bought the Cuticura
Remedies and only used them two
weeks when she was entirely we'll
This was in February. She has never
had another rough place on her skin,
and she is now fourteen years old
Mrs. r. R. Whitaker, Winchester,
Tenn, Sept. 20, 1908"
Potter Drug & Chem. Corp, Sole Props. Boston
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
His Preference.

Commander Maxwell of the navy
enjoys telling of an unique complaint
preferred by a recruit.
On every man-of-war the. bar Of
justice is aft in front of the stick"
or mast. The recruit had gone to the
stick to state" his grievance. "Well,
what do you want?" asked the
executive officer.
Please, sir, l want to complain OF
the breakfast this morning"
What did you have?"
"Burgoo, crack-hash, hard tack and
coffee. SIR
What did you expect?"
please, sir, always like to start
my breakfast with a nice steak and a
pair of eggs" - Illustrated Sunday
Magazine.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
Neatly Put.

Two Quakers were having an ar
gument and one considered the other
was speaking falsely. This is how he
reproved him:
Friend Thomas, win not call thee
by any bad mama, but if the mayor
were to ask me who was the greatest
liar in the town l would hasten to
thee and say Thomas, think the
mayor greatly desireth to speak with
thee"
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
Good KnowIedae for plvers.

AS part of the education of the Eng
fish naval divers, the beginners are
taught how to save themselves, should
they become exhausted, by allowing
their suits to fill with air and shoot
ing rapidly upward to the surface,
where they are dragged into the boat
by the attendants.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
How an Angry Woman Looked.

The other day we saw an angry
woman in a street car and her face
was anything but a pleasant picture
She was angry at the conductor, en-
tirely without cause, and that made
her look more terrible than if she had
had a real ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Jour-
nal
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29

He who honestly seeks to save an
other finds himself.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
A Natural Selection.

What do you suppose would be an
aeronaut's garden choice?
Il don't know, but | would suggest
an air plant"
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29

It's no use talking about the peace
of God If your life is proyocation
TO your neighbors.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
In the Editorial sanctum.

Editor like the last verse of your
poem the best.
Poet-And why?
Editor-Well, principally because it
is the last.-Judge.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
COMFORTING.

Man in the Water-Help! Help!
I'm drowning!
Droll Gent-What! you don't need
help to drown, man.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
The only way.

my wife never opens letters that
are addressed to me-"
you have 'em all sent to your office
address, do you?'-Cleveland Leader,
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
VERY ABRUPT.

Spring Poet--Yes, sir; l can write
about anything, sir.
Irate Editor-Well, then, suppose
you just right-about face and head for
the door.
Mexico Missouri message., 1909-07-29
Give Him a Medal.

He has become a plutocrat
But firmly holds this attitude:
When with reporters he win chat
He will not speak a platitude.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
TIRED or THEIR SHOW

Montpelier hotel people and keepers
OF boarding houses are generally accred-
tied with a desire to keep the legislators
here all the year round, but Tie Jour
nal doubts very seriously if there il O
citizen Of Montpelier who win not heave
sigh of relief when the legislature final
" adjourns, Montpelier journal.
Can It be that the people Of Montpelier
are SO sated and cloyed with coin that
they are ready to spurn the gold Of the
legislators Or il it that the law makers
have outworn their welcome2 We have
never had occasion to note such similar
complaint ais couehcd in the above clip
ping from the contemporary, and are at
loss to understand II. Heretofore, it
has not been the belief that Montpelier
could get too much money out Of the
men who biennialIy come up to the capi-
tai city, and the same belief again rises
to the surface in spite Of early doubts.
It must be, therefore, that the biennial
SHOW has distanced its popularity and
Is now running the dregs. The sooner
they pull up stakes, the better. In
other words, get out before we kick
you out
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
CURRENT COMMENT
The Public Utilities Act.

The act by which the administration
OF Governor Hughes has impressed it.
self ons the Empire State more than
any other pushed through the Legis.
latme by his influence, is unquestion-
ably the law providing for State con-
troll of public utilities through COM
missions appointed for that purpose.
The measure for which Governor
Prouty stood more than any other
and the one which will serve TO char
acterize his administration more than
any other is the act creating q public
utilities commission.
While Governor Prouty was a eandi-
date for his present Offices be issued &
statement Of the issues for which he
stood, and chief among these was a
declaration OF his belief that the same
control exercised by the Stats at that
time over railroads should be extended
to telephone, telegraph. express, cleo
trio lighting and gas companies and
any other corporation engaged in the
public service. This pledge was incor
porated in the State republican plat
form, and it has now been fulfilled
through the passage by the Legislature
OF an act spreading this measure on
the statutes Of Vermont in accordance
with the win Of the people expressed
in so many different ways that there
could be no mistake about their wishes
in that connection.
This act OF our lawmakers Is import
ant. not so much for what it effects
ia the way Of remedial legislation as
for what IL IL intended to prevent,
jndging from the experience Of the
people with public service corporations
in other State. Nobody would dream
OF repeating the Stats railroad COM
mission, which during recent years has
exercised real power over these trans.
portation companies, and in the years
to come our epople win wonder why
there was ever any question about the
desirability Of enacting q measure Of
this character, dealing with all public
utilities.
The people of Vermont have Gov.
ernor Prouty to thank for this import
ant measure Of genuine progress, and
this service viii be appreciated more
and more with the revolving years
Burlington Free Press,
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
The coonsIin Cap.

My gran'ther's hunted bears
And possums, and such things;
He was a man who took no darcs-
His praise whole State sings
And when he hunted in the woods,
A-toting gun and trap,
His sky-pieee was no store-made goods
lie wore coonskin cap.
This oooDskin cap that, long ago, y
My gran'ther's gran'ther wore,
I've used in many childhood SHOW,
But who shall use II more.
For cousin Phyllis says that it
Il Just the stylish stunt
And she has had il made TO IL,
And my; she makes a front.
The striped tall that used 10 bob
On gran'ther's gran'ther's neck
Now aids fair Phyllis TO play hob
With hearts, mine Is wreck!--
And gran'ther's gran'ther never thought
When that coon tumbled dead,
The hide at this day would be sought
10 deck a beauty's head
Denver Republican
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
EAST BARRE

Roy Scott is working for + w Bates
Herb. Whitcomb il on tlie sick list
just at present.
Esther johnson Is visiting her sister,
Mrs. Geo. Taylor.
The little daughter Of Mr.. and Mrs.
Alex. Cameron il improving.
Mrs. Geo. lIutchins. who was quite
sick last week is much improved.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Cunningham are
boarding with Mrs. NJ ~ Hutchinson
and have rooms at NJ. y. Cutters,
Winona Council, No. s, OF Pocahontas
tribe will meet Wednesday evening and
all members are requested to be present.
Ralph Waterman, Roy Coleman and
Roy Swift were Ia Corinth last week
TO attend the Cunningham. Wilson we'd
ding.
Mrs Minard's sister, Mrs. Cutler, Wis
tied here last Saturday and took home
her baby, which had been here for three
weeks while she was In Starksboro car.
ing for her mother.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
BOY BURGLARS AT LUDLOW.
Youngsters Loot Three Places at Lud-
Low, But Are Quickly Nabbed.

Youngsters Loot Three Places at Lud-
Low, But Are Quickly Nabbed.
Ludlow, Jan. rs. After looting three
business places here early Sunday, two
1Tyear-old boy burglars later were
taken into custody and confessed their
crimes the stolen goods being recover
ed The prisoners are Richard Hill,
son Of George w. Hill, who lives one
half mile this side of South hill, and
John Howley, who lives with r. A..
Chase at Granville.
The places broken into were A. G.
Spaulding's grist mill, w. Buttons
meat market and r. 7. Hathorn's har-
ness store The breaks were made be
tween 2 and o'clock. entrance at each
place being gained through windows
At the grist mill the boys wrecked the
combination attachmaht Of the safe,
but failed to open the receptacle. They
opened the desk, however, and carried
OF pocketbook and a few postage
statnps. AT the meat market they Sc
cured $40 in money, revolver and
some cartridges. They got from S. to
$40 and S1o1.s0 in confederate money
at the harness store.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
RANDOLPH CENTER

Q. G. Wells is again able to be in
his store.
r. q Wheeler has peoples telephone
recently put in.
AIRS. Martha Erskine of Williams
town was in town Sunday.
The Church brothers are getting out
q large amount of wood and logs.
The cry brothers have rented the
Douglass farm now owned By NJ. M.
Wilson.
Edison & Chadwick Of w. Lebanon.
\. IL, have been shipping a large
quantity Of stock from Randolph Sta
ton every week for the last two
months.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

The following credit is vouchsafed by
the Springfield Republican for Elihu
Root. who has resigned his Office Of secre-
tary Of state, to take effect az soon as
his successor can qualify;
Secretary Root retires from Office
with the record Of having negotiated
more arbitration treaties by far than
any Of his predecessors, but each Of
them provides that the senate's consent
must be given before dispute can be
arbitrated They go a short way, to be
sure, even then, for the subjects open to
the arbitral process are narrowly re-
stricted, but altogether these treaties
will distinguish Mr., Roots administra-
ton to an uncommon degree.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
BRO0KFIELD

J.. J. Rice is 10 town.
Gilbert Blasidel Of North Randolph
was at w. 5. Williams last week.
Y. d. Williams and daughter Miss
Abbie, visited at d. j. Williams Sun
day.
i. L. Stone spent Saturday night
and Sunday in Barre with Mrs. L. L.
Stone.
Deacon ]. W. armenter has been on
the sick list. DR.. Angel Of Randolph
attended.
The Central Vermont Pomona Grange
will hold their meeting with Brook6eld
grange Feb 10TH
Mrs. L. L. StoAs sent last Tuesday
TO Barre, where she will stay for
month o. 80 TO be treated by DIR. Mar
tin the osteopath. Her mother, Mrs.
Julia y. Williams is doing the house
work while she is away.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
Did il on Purpose.

Mrs. Grimshaw (while the visitor is
removing his wraps What did you
bring that man out here to dinner for,
when the house Is all torn up and full
Of the smell of paint Besides, you've
told me thousand times that he's q
bore and you don't ike hint
Mr.. Grimshaw-T know il, my dear.
That's why / brought hirn.--Chieago
Tribune.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
obllging.

IAdy--Pardon me, but I cannot stand
the strong smell 81 your pipe.
laborer--.i can put IL out, madam,
would have done 20 before, only /
thought from the looks on your face
that you were turning up your nose
at the odor from the cheese ia my
pocket. Fliegende Blaetter.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
MORE RELIEF FUNDS.
Red Cross Cables $4,000 to Italian
Sufferers

Washington. Jan. 26.--The American
Red Cross yesterday cabled the sum of
s200000 to Mr.. Griscom, American Am
bassador at Rome. for relief purposes.
The sum Of 100000 viii be devoted
to the Queens orphanage fund and
100000 more TO the rehabilitation OF
professional men and other relief pur-
poses At The requaet Of the Red
Cross the Navy Department has con
scented TO spend SI000e9 for the pslr-
chase OF lumber for more houses as
suggested by the italian Government
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26
a TheorIst.

I wonder. oh, ! wonder why
Up yonder in the great big sky
All fru the day we never zee
The pink and purple clouds zat we
See there at sunset time.
I dess IT'S cause they're fairy ships
An can't make any daytime trips,
But all come creepin' out at night
To bring nice draams--if ives don
right
I dess Eat's why.
.--Kansas City Times.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

Says the Boston Herald, Like Poe,
Shelley, CcIeridge, Byron, his Robert
Burns) very frailty and shortcomings
make him seem nearer to average men
than the fiawless, impeccable souls like
Milton"
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

The editors Of the nine daily news
papers in Vermont ought to rise up and
with one acclaim declare the editor Of
the Ludlow Tribune to be the 4Sault Of
the earth because Of the kind words he
said about them in his last number. All
mn
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

Generally speaking Carrie Nation
needs no egging-on, but London crowd
thought so last night, to an extent
which threatened to deplete the entire
egg market of the city. Poor Carriena.
tion!
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

"Bessie, what are yen handling all
those chocolates forT
Because. mamma. you told me
must eat only the pieces I had touched
with my fingers. Bohemian Maya
cine.
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

Unequailed for is bright and steady iieht sim
PIE constructions and absolute safety Has la
trst improved bufzez. Made ef brass through
Ont aud nickei plated. Every lamp warranted.
Wfite e nearest aEsscy II net 81 your dealers
STANDARD OIL COMPANY
The Barre daily times. (Barre, Vt.) 1897-1959, 1909-01-26

Husband You must marry again,
dearest, when am gone. and that
viii be very soon.
Wlfe--No, Edward; no one will mar.
ry an old woman like me. You ought
to have died ten years ago for that
Meggendorfer Batter.