The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-08-27
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| ShouSA' SuS ulIu.
You ought to save money for your
family" Eyes, but" But what?'
My family won't let me. cleveland
Leader.
Poetry Is the art of putting words
| together In such way as to give
them their least possible commercial
value.-Puck.
Martha-Don't you think cookery
book is fascinating reading? Maud
Yes, indeed. 1t contains so many stir.
ring incidents.
She-How was your speech at the
club received the other night? He
When ! sat down they said 1t was the
best thing l ever did.
Ashley-Do you have much variety
In your boarding. house? Seymour
Well, we have three different names
for the meals.-London World.
Nobody realizes the immensity of
space" Except the man who has to
fill daily half column with alleged
humor."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Tell me frankly, sir, what do you
think of my daughters voice?" well,
madam, think she may have brill
liant future in water color painting"
Figaro.
Poll Clerk-Mary Gladys farley
votes ballot number two hundred and
-. M. G. J.-Oh, wait a moment,
please! Give me that back! l want
to add a postscript.-Puck.
"You shouldn't treat your boy so
harshly; you'll break his spirit"
well, he'll probably get married some
time, and he might as we'll have 1t
broken now!"-Stray Stories.
"Yes," said the young wife, proudly,
father always gives something expen-
sive when he makes presents" $50 1
discovered when he gave you away"
rejoined the young husband.-Chicago
Daily News.
Irate Diner Ito waiter who persist
emily hovers about the table)-What
on earth are you waiting for, man? /
don't want you. Waiter-Excuse me,
sir, but am responsible for the sill
ver.-Tit-Bits.
Biggs, '11-Why are the tugs on the
Wisconsin river like the goods who
walk up and down State street?
Mugs, '12-And the answer Is? Biggs,
'11-Some toe out, and some toe in
Wisconsin Sphinx.
What is your principal object, any
how" asked the visiting foreigner, "in
building that Panama canal?" WELL"
answered the native, 1--WE have an idea
1t will limit the size of future battle
ships, Chicago Tribune.
Foreign travel is very improving"
said the studious girl. "Yes," an
swered Miss Cayenne; although you
can't always tell where person has
been by the pictures on the post cards
he sends home. Washington Star.
Tommy went fishing the other day
without his mothers permission. The
next morning one of his chums met
him and asked; did you catch any
thing yesterday, Tommy" mot till
| got home," was the rather sad re-
,ponse.
What" exclaimed Mrs. Flatleigh.
You don't mean to tell me you pay
girl $40 week for cooking?" "Oh,
no." replied Mrs. Urbanville. 1--WE
,nly pay her So a week for cooking.
rhe other $S is for staying."-Chicago
Daily News.
Professor of Sociology - If this
alarming increase In the divorce rate
continues, twenty years from now the
institution of the home will no longer
'xist In America. Practical Student
How is that, professor? They all
marry again, don't they?-Puck.
IA high financier should be some
hing of an economist. should he not?"
I don't think So" answered Mr.. Dus
in Stax. "The object of the econ
mist Is to see what he can get along
With; that of the high financier is to
ee what he can get away with
Star.
A boy once inquired why leaves OF
ables were so called, since they did ,
ot resemble leaves In the least. Not ,
aving received satisfactory answer,
% thought for some time and then
aid: Il think know now; they're
allied leaves because you can leave
hem up or leave them down" f,
BE sure and keep inside the libel
Avs" said the city editor to the cub
eporter 'The cubs first obituary no.
Ice read as follows: "The alleged I
orpse of Mr.. John Smith, asserted by :,
riends to have lived at No. 113 West
ones street, was said to have been
uried at Greenhill Cemetery yester.
ay."-Cleveland Leader. L
Look at mel" exclaimed the stout, II
orid man. Never a days sickness a
/ my life! And all due to simple y
,od. Why, gents, from the time n
as twenty to when / reached forty
ears l lived regular life. None of
lese effeminate delicacies for me! ..
% late hours! Every day, summer
nd winter, / went to bed at nine. got =,
p at FIVE; lived principally on corned
sef and corn bread. Worked hard,
,nfc uyorbad hard froro atrh+ O.. aI