davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
The ubiuuitous Potato.

Whenever you lick a postage stamp you partake of me. since all lickable gums are made from dextrine, one of my products.
 Your neck earesses me all day for the starch that stiffens your col lar is made from the potato.
 ..The bone buttons on your under wear are probably vegetable ivory compressed potato pulp.
 My leaves, dried, make good smoke. You have often smoked them 'unbeknownst, mixed with your favor ite brand.
 Potato spirit is very pure alcohol Ii is used to fortify white wines. Many a headache is not so much due to the grape as to the potato.
 ''I yield sweet sirup. Tn this form I am often present in cheap cocoa, honey, butter and lard.
 Let the corpulent try as they will, they cannot escape.
 Yours truly. The Potato"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Some of Dave HIIps Sarcasm.

David B. Hill. former governor of and senator fsom New York, has a SC. cluded natter somewhere in the state who makes his high hats after elab crate plans drawn by MT Hill many years ago, and not changed since.
 One night Gov. Odell of New York was giving a reception in Albany. and Mir Roosevelt, then elected vice-presi dent. met Mir. Hill on the steps ol the New York executive mansion.
 Roosevelt wore a black rough rider hat and Hill had one of his peculiar skypieces.
 Senator" said Roosevelt, you should wear hat like this one that | have on. They are much easier on the head. preserve the hair and are al together better than silk ones.
 MT. Hill looked at the coming vice president My dear sir" he said. .1 haven't worn a hat like that since I went out of the show business"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
European Soldiers in China.

An odd picture. entitled A Con gress of Nalions," was received a few days ago from China. It shows nine soldiers. all enlisted men, represent ing eight countries whose troops are stationed in China. The tallest man at the left of the line is an English cavalryman, wearing the African field uniform; then comes United States soldier in full winter outfit, and next to him, nearly as tall as the other two, a Russian marine. Fourth in line is a turbaned Indian, and then comes a German of the mounted in fantry corps. The French representa- tive stands next in line, in field uni form. with knapsack and blanket strapped to his back, and next to him German marine. The eighth in line is an Italian, wearing the slouch hat with bushy plumes. and the last. the smallest in stature. is Japanese in fantryman. All except the Indian, Frenchman ard Italian stand at atten- tion aud seem to feel the importance of the part they are playing in the far-away country.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
SuIIivan,s Best Compliment.

When Sir Arthur Sullivan of Gilbert & Sullivan fame, was travelling in the western states man rushed up to him and, grasping his hand, said: Say. by golly. I'm mighty glad to meet you, When I heard you. was a comin', I couldn't wait. hardly. But say, you ain't very big, are you? How much do you weigh?"
 About a hundred and fifty pounds, answered the astonished composer.
 "Then how on earth did you come to knock out Ryan?"
 "I never knocked out any Ryan What do you mean?"
 "Ain't you John L. Sullivan?"
 No, I'm Arthur Sullivan"
 The man stood dazed for few min utes. and then smile spread over his rough features. Are you the fel CT what put Pinafore' together? We'll then. I'm mighty glad to meet you just the same.'
 Sir Arthur counted this as one of his greatest ompliments.-The Sun day Magazine.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Depends on Viewpoint.

MT. Wilson, said the head of the firm, "I understand that you are a personal friend of MT. Spinks"
 That is true, sir" said Wilson.
 Well, I wish you'd try to collect this account from him. None of our collectors can turn the trick, and it's long time overdue"
 Wilson agreed to try. The next morning his face wore a curious ex- pression.
 What success?" asked the head of the firm.
 That depends on the point of view" said Wilson. You see, I called last night and saw the old man. MT spinks.' began, I've. called to ask you whereupon the old man but ted in with:
 That's all right, my boy he said you can have her. l trust you'll be happy
 4Then he added that l should find Alice in the drawing room, and shut the door on me. Judge.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
A Constant Motto.

A representative of a firm of house. hold decorators was one day called to the suburban home of an eccentric Bostonian, father of a large and in teresting family, including a number of girls.
 As the decorator went through the house for the purpose of giving the estimate for redecoration desired by the Bostonian, his attention was caught by legend framed and prominently displayed over the mantel in the room of each girl, reading:
 Learn to say yes"
 Would you mind telling me what that means?' asked the decorator. nodding to the legend. and addressing his question to the daughter who was acting as his guide.
 Oh" explained the girl, blushing, that's one of dads ideas There are eight of us girls, you know!''-Har- per's Weekly.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
AND THE LAUGH ON eRlNNER
Things Came So That the Humor
 Faded Far Away.

"Ha-ha-ha! Certainly is funny to ob. serve fat old parties pursuing their bonnetsi"
 Young Grinner Is a humorist. He stood on a downtown street corner and watched the autumn breezes run ming away with mems mats. The wind however, blows off whatsoever hat it listeth. At the funniest part of watching the funniest old gentleman, the wind got hold of Grinners own cranium protector and started off up street with it. The hat travelled along nicely on its brim and came close to surrassing the speed limit.
 Laugh, you lobsters,' observed Grinner to little chorus of smilers who held on to their derby brims with all hands. He couldn't see anything funny in it. Walking stealthily toward his hat, which was playing possum in the gutter, just as his hand was with in two and five eighth inches of 1t the hat got up, snorted once and resumed it's travels
 -! II" remarked Grinner, or words to that effect Then throwing dignity to the winds Grinner put on the high speed and lit out after the lid, which. now became possessed of devilish cunning.
 It lodged crossing policemen and managed to be kicked only by persons who meant to set their feet on it. At one time, just as its relentless pur, suer was upon it, the hat stopped short and Grinner ran over it. When he had circled around to regain his ad- vantage the hat sprang to it's feet and with wild cry sped onward
 -! II" repeated Grinner with even more force.
 The hat had been so successful that it finally became careless. It would roll on it's brim awhile and then it would roll sideways He came within an ace of slipping up on it with his hands and knees at the next cor ner, but it again evaded (For Grin ner's remarks see above) Then the victim fell back on cunning.
 I'll fix you he hissed between his teeth. Stopping short he began ob. serving the scenery along the street. the hat watched him warily Then. with his hands in his pockets. the man sauntered carelessly by, watch ing the hat from the corner of his eye With quick spring he was upon it with both feet-and caught it! As he started back he held the disfgured hat as though he had something by
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Trim Your Nails.

There is certain eminent physician who. wiser than the children of light, plods his way along in an unbeaten track and has no Ieer as a diagnosti. clan. He is always accompanied by an expert manicurist. instead of a white or colored valet "The human nail, like the human hair" he said to me, lis much affected by physical conditions. Barbers will tell you thai in certain seasons the beard, for in stance, grows nearly twice as fast as at others. It Is so with the nails. Al times, according to how we feel the free edge may be month in growing there is some retarding agent. Al other times 1t may grow in a week Sometimes the nail has transverse furrows, indicating periods of illness At other times it bears furrows run ming lengthwise-a sure indication of gout. My manicurist can tell by these indications when your last sickness occurred, and can tell what the nal ady was"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
An Effective Remedy,

A Boston physician, in paper he recently read before congress of medical men. told how Dr. S. Weir Mitchell accomplished a marvellous cure by means of treatise on psy- chotherapy. To Dr. Mitchell there had come young lady afflicted with hysteria. Being much occupied at the moment, he said to her: You can cure yourself. Just let me give you this book on the subject; you will find the directions in it really admir- able" The young lady departed. and after fortnight Dr. Mitchell received a letter from her, saying. in effect:
 That book is a prize. The other day I had an attack of the old sort laughing and crying together-and the trouble was brought to an end in two minutes simply by the use of the book Mamma spanked me with it"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
inde
bind him, he still retains some inde

bind him. he still retains some inde- pendence.
 q dont want to be old-fashioned,' said, but is it worth it?''
 "Oh, don't know. suppose so. Everybody says it is, anyhow.
 Everybody ?" I questioned. Because if there's not somebody who disa- grees, perhaps it doesn't make so much difference.
 Yes, everybody-of importance, any how
 We both remained silent until we reached the river Had I not been so hopelessly ineligible myself, l should but then 1t doesn't matter what l should have done It would only have made three of us.
 Cold mutton isn't very nice, Is it?" she said at last.
 Depends a good deal on ones appe- tite," 1 pointed out.
 Does it? Perhaps 1t does One won't always be hungry. though.
 It's not half bad with Worcester sauce"
 Worcester sauce?" She was some what puzzled. I don't know if anybody else had said it 1 should have under stood it.
 "Oh! I see" she said. with slight flush. Yes, perhaps it's not bad then"
 I didn't point out Gin any case. would not have taken the risk) that you can't keep kisses in bottle for use as you want them. It's not until you start analysing an analogy that you find it isn't one.
 Whats the idea?" She had paused irresolutely on the bank.
 IT don't think I'll go on the river after all l want to think You don't mind do you?''
 As matter of fact I've been think ing myself it's too hot for rowing. I'll go along to the Palfrys and play ten his 1 think"
 Will you. Will anybody be there? To play tennis with, mean
 There's one thing to be said for the Palfry girls. however; they don't pro fess to play tennis
 I'll drag Ronaldson up with me; he's been bit down the last day or so
 Do you know''--she seemed struck with brilliant idea-"I think I'll come and play tennis, too. I'm bound to get into a row as it is, so might az we'll"
 Be hanged for a wolf as lamb,'
 Sheep. you mean If l creep up and get my shoes, will you-?"
 sI'll get hold of Ronaldson"
 Will you? Don't forget Oh. but there'll be nobody for you to play with
 That's all right l said cheerfully. .I'll get some practice with the Palfry girls.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
 Makinn and Spendina.

You see that dapper little fellow?" asked the Second Avenue wine mer- chant. He is the finest money maker you ever saw He has a dental parlor just across the way and i6 rak- ing in the coin. And do you think he lives on Second avenue? I should think not He has big fine stone house on Riverside drive. His three sisters have just come home from a fine girls school in Philadelphia. He is going to marry them off now. He and his f, sss- have made money enough to .,aY riverside husbands for them. His \ hap makes coats and aprons for tn, East side hospitals That's how he has made his money Oh, yes They make their money on the East side. but they don't always spend it here New York Press.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
To Save Horses from Fire.

When horse Is released from his stall during a fire. says technical paper, he will not leave the stable, for the stall is the only place in which he believes himself to be safe. A new patented device, which consists of a pipe running through the stall to the outside of the stable. is designed tc cure this. In case of fire turn of a handle brings a hose nozzle into posi- ton and stream of water pours over which drives him into the -angway from which it becomes comparative ly easy matter to lead him into the street.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Humor There. Somewhere.

Here is another story about Taft in the far east that is told by Frederic s Isham, the novelist:
 Two Chinamen in Shanghai were discussing the president-eiect's visit to that place shortly after the depar ture of the Taft party.
 MT. Taft is certainly a very big man." said one, making a gesture that implied large circle as he spoke.
 He is that answered the other We have certainly had consider able spherel of American influence in our midst recently"
 And yet they say Chinamen have no sense of humor.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
When It's a Nude.

"The Rather" was the title of the young painters picture, the first that he had ever shown. It hnng, unnoticed on the line.
 But" said his friend. you have done nothing to draw crowdi"
 I've done my best work" said the young painter
 Fudge" was the retort. Work draws. but there are better magnets At the Paris exhibitions every artist until he makes name, uses some de. vice to keep a crowd about his daubs
 A painting like The Rather always in Paris, has the model, very beautifui ly dressed, strolling idly back and forth near it. The resemblance be tween her and it is at once perceived And the result is the greatest curiosity -an immense crowd-a tremendous hit"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
MAIN THING IS GOOD TEMPER
True Secret of Happiness in Love and
 in All Human intercourse.

There always has been and doubt less will be much discussion as to what qualities are most to be desired in 8 husband and wife. From time to time stmposiums on the subject have been held by popular family magazines. in which hundreds of votes have been pretty evenly divided between the vari ous virtues of mankind, domestic and heroic, not forgetting the practical de sideratum of comfortable bank ac- count. For even romantic Tom Moore has told us that
 Lips, though blooming, must be fed. And not cen Love can live on flowers. But of all qualities which are condu eive to happiness, not only in the close companionship of married life, but in human intercourse in general, there are few to equal-none to surpass- the homely one of good temper. which has been well called the parent of the virtues, since it is the foundation of peace and kind feeling for ones fellow man.
 There is nothing which so much makes for the misery not only of it's possessor, but of all who are so un- fortunate as to be intimately associat. ed with him or with her, as an unsov- erned and unreasonable temper.
 No one on earth, excepting perhaps an illtempered woman, is so difficult to live with as a really ill-tempered man; and the worst of an evil temper is that, being indulged it grows worse as it's possessor grows older.
 Ill-tempered people not only poison their own lives, but also those of all who are obliged to share those lives. One can never tell when a tempest of temper may descend like bolt from the blue, and life under such conditions often becomes almost unbearable
 Unfortunately people who are in love usually for the time being bid adieu to common sense and reason It was not without good cause that the an cient Greeks painted Cupid blindfold- ed. The portrait would have been truer to life had they instead given him rose-colored spectacles. Lovers, in the first ecstasy of passion, usually lose sight of everything excepting each other, whom they behold in a halo of roseate light that wholly obscures all defects.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
At One Shot.

A sportsman of great imaginative gifts and fond of telling his exploits
 related that at oneshot he had brought down two cartridges and hare. His explanation was that although he had only hit one partridge the bird in fall
 ing had clutched at another partrid ge and brought that to earth entangled in its claws. But how about the hare?" he was asked. "0h!" was the calm reply, my gun kicked and knocked me backward and I fell on the hare as it ran past. t."-The Sketch
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Rheumatic poisons are quickly and surely driven out Of the blood with pr. Shops Rheumatic Remedy-liquid or tablet form. Dr. Shops booklet on rheumatism plainly and interestingly tells just how this is. done. Tell some sufferer of this book or better still write pr. Shoop, Racine, Wis. for the book and free test samples. Send no money. Just !oin with pr. Shoop and give some suf- ferer pleasant surprise Sold by all dealers.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Love Must Be Reciprocal.

If love is to be genuinely, perma- nently satisfying, it necessarily must be reciprocal To hark back to first principles, love. as created, merely is the essential and absorbing need which one man feels for one particular woman. one woman for one man, and for him only, so long as they both shall live. which needs make the two content, nay. joyful. to forsake all others and cleave each to each
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Oscar Mcbride. the negro whom Deputy Sheriff E. M. Cabaniss went to Monroe after last week for breaking into a box car at Strong and stealing quantity of dry goods, was given a hearing before Squire J. c. Wallace at Strong last Friday and bound over to the grand jury under $25O.OO bond and is now in jail at Fl Dorado.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Afohanistan Grows Opium

According to the Sind Gazette the cultivation of the opium poppy is just starting in with vim in Afghanistan, where it was supposed that under governmental pressure poppy cul- tivation was growing less throughout India. The first imports of Afghan opium into India were received last year and it was pronounced better than Malwa opium.-Consular Re ports.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

The E. & B. railway company have put on night loading crew in the big cut near Bolding from where they are getting the dirt used in filling the long tressle over the Ouachita river at Felsenthal and expect to move 2,OOO yards a day hereafter.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Huttig Lodge, No. 548, 1. o. O. F., will celebrate the anniversary of their order at the lodge hall on next Monday evening at z:3O o'clock, with appropriate ceremo- nies to which the public is cordially invited. Rev. A. w. King will de- liver an address on fraternalism during the evening.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

J. U. Brown has started his moving picture shows again and promises to give one with an entire change of pictures every Wednes- day and Saturday night.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Too Much Reauired.

Miss Oldgirl-I wish my iiance was hero!
 Brother Jack-Good heavens. what aiore do you want of man? Dldn | ns ask you to merry himt
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

General Manager G. s. Prest- ridge and 0. c. Bell arrived home last Saturday from a weeks stay at Hot Springs. While there MT. Prestridge purchased two sadcle horses for company use.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

H.A. Nelson of Strong, and J. w. Furgerson and family of Bolding were in Huttig Sunday and Mon- day attending the quarterly con ference of the Methodist church.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Manager G. s. Prestridge ano Secretary F. W. Scott, of tn Union Saw Mill company, were Shreveport visitors Tuesday.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
A Final Run.

q thought was having walh-ove in that automobile race in the street when"
 "Yes, when?'
 "The motor cycle cop ran me in"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Hardly Charitable.

Don't you think Miss Flirt's eye brows in their raven symmetry are rather suspicious?'
 Now. do you know, I don't think .tey are as black as they are painted?"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Mrs. J. H. Williams and Mrs. N. o. Hornsby of Cecil. La, was ir Huttig Tuesday the guests of Mrs. J. c. Phillips.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Sweet Bay Camp, No. All. Woodmen of the World. will give a supper on the school grounds on Saturday evening. May l :, to which the public is invited. The Huttig newly organgized cornet band Will furnish the noise for the gathering.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Where the Bard Falls Short.

Aren't there some rather indelicate things In Shakespeare's plays?" sug gested the punctilious citizen.
 Yes" answered Mir. Stormington Barnes. but they don't go quite far enouga to constitute & New York sue cess"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
nuttie Pabp ,lbrary Hours.

The Library is open to all from 700 te 900 o'clock, pm. on week days Sundays from 100 to 5:Ul O clock.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
The Retort conclIlatory.

MT. Meek-Did you trump my ace?
 Mrs. M.-Yes! What of ii?
 MT. MN nothing. my dear. I'm glad it was you. If one of our op- ponents had done it, we'd have lost the trick.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Levy Cobb was badly cut about the head and the throat about 1l:5O o'clock Monday night in front of the livery stable by man named Higgins, with whom he had beenhaving an argument. Higgins escaped.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Quite So.

q understand that alimony club has agreed on an economical plan of living.
 Well. naturally. you see an ali nony club has to husband its means" ,"
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Miss Carmel Phillips visited witt friends and relatives at Boldinp several days this week.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Gotd Photoqralhs.

If you have not visited the tent studio of Sam Lowery, you are cordially invited. He guarantees his work. Tent south ef doctors s office.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Forgot.

Ryer-Why so sad, old man?
 Dyer-Somebody promised to loan me $l0 today and I've forgotten who 1t was.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
A Fiery Wrona.

Isn't 1t dreadful there should be such a crime as arson?"
 "Indeed, 1t is a burning shame.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Dan Taylor is home on a visit with his parents. MT. and Mrs. J. w. Taylor.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Mrs. Al Smith, who has been quite 1.-the past two weeks, is re- covering.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Not a Real Artist.

Pretty fine artist, isn't her?
 No, indeed. He paints onIy the pleasing kind of pictures. -haLsas City Times.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Attorney Charles Poole of Hamp- ton transacted business here Wed nesday.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

CIR. Reaves was a visitor al Strong Saturday.
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

Dr.Ts Mccall of Dilolo was a Huttig visitor Monday of this week
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24

James Heard of Shiloh, La, was among Huttig visitors Wednesday
The Huttig news., 1909-04-24
Local News of the Week.

*s
The Nevada County picayune. (Prescott, Ark.) 190?-current, 1909-05-06
LAKE SEAMEN STRIKE

Chicago, May l. - Seventy
three hundred members of the
lake seamen have gone on a
strike to escape what they de-
scribe as intolerable conditions.
They have the cooperation of
6, 100 fireman, engineers, cook S
and stewards, who are already
on strike.
The strikers in a statement
through their national officers
tonight say that they are deter
mined to stay out until they have
defeated the plans of the owners,
members of the Lake Carries
Association, to keep them on
watch continuously instead OF II
hour shifts, to blacklist them, to
reduce their fall wages to S15 a
month and to force the men to
sign contracts not to belong to
any labor union. AS rapidly as
navigation opens and indepen-
dent vessels enter trade, the
union will ship men on boats
that don't adopt the rules of tn
Lake Carriers Association. This
will reduce the number of strik-
ers one-half.