The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1909-08-06
Mark Twain As = Pilot

Kansas City Journal. A convincing
instance of the provinciality of the
East and It's tenderfcot ignorance. al
most as great as that Of our British
cousins, regarding conditions in gen
eral throughout this country. is afford
sd By the reports sent by correspond
ents for various newspapers, to the e.
feet that Mark Twain has consented
10 pilot President Taft's boat down the
Mississippi next October from ST.
Louis TO New Orleans. These news
paper men. so typical of yerdant
Green In the flesh. are apparently
wholly oblivious Of the fact that
Mark Twain quit his Job as cub
pilot on the Mississippi river about
half century ago, and that the
great river has undergone such rad
ical changes in its conditions since
taen, as TO its channel, currents
banks, and in every ether respect
that governs the bearings Of pilot,
that Mr.. Clements would find him
self utterly at q loss In the pilot
house Of steamboat Oh its waters
even If he had been proficient in
such duties in the days of his youth
As matter of fact, which has been
published many times, Mark
Twain's experience as pilot on the
Mississippi was extremely limited
so much so that 1t is doubtful
whether he ever qualified as a pilot.
It is pretty certain. too, that he never
plotted a boat from st. Louis TO New
Orleans. His chief claims to fame In
connection with the river are founded
upon ais literary pen name and mis-
quaint accounts OF the early days OF
fiatboating and steamboating on the
Father Of Waters" However. the
most experienced pilot that ever put
hand on the wheel would not dare I'M
dertake 10 5teer q boat through the
numerous perils of navigation which
attend the 200 mile voyage from St
Louis TO New Orleans after an absence
from the pilot house OF fifty weeks.
much less fifty years. These green
fasteners ignore the fact that the
-t-t-SD-SS]PPA 10 q l4l6uLf uOOu
every year during the June rise over
flowing It's banks and becoming a great
inland sea, forty miles wide in some
places: raging stream flowing
through a soft alluvial soil, its swift,
resistless current slicing OFF thousands
of acres from its banks, forming
new channel here and a new island
there, dividing on either side OF islands
where sandbars were before. throwing
up huge .jandbars where before the
channel was hundred feet in depth;
creating new and dangerous obstacles
everywhere along its course, snatching
huge trees from its banks and bury
ing their roots beneath tons of sand
in its bottom with their strong trunks
reaching almost to the surface of the
water to serve as deadly snags which
would pierce the thin-planked hull OF
steamboat as though 1t were paper
The treacherous eyer-changing cur
rents have forced upwards of 1000
steamboats, against such snags since
navigation of the river began, in most
instances causing their utter destric-
ton. The Mississippi river is law
unto itself, defying the efforts of man
to control 1t, pursuing its own course
ever-changing cbannels-fickle treach-
erous and more dangerous than stormy
seas Mark Twain could no more pilot
a boat on the Father of Waters today
than he could man the unchartered
currents of the Styx.