davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

suits for the frivolous purpose of mois-
tening EN-. They put on bathing suits
for the more benevolent purpose of stalk
ing the sand flappers 0oungers on the
seas verge. that is to say to a-er-well.
why should they wet up bathing suits
that never were meant to be wetted any
how? wet bathing girl isn't particu-
larry beauteous. Her hair gets stringy
on the back of her neck and her bathing
togs look sort O. ioppy and sticky and
oh, we'll, the dry bathing girls look more
like the pictures of bathing girls in the
Sunday papers, and because they con-
form to this ideal We like even if we
don't love EN-.
Take for example. the Crimson Kids.
That's what they'd been dubbed by the
Boardwakers and the sand dappers ever
since they made their first appearance a
month ago. They're not really kids,
though. They are strapping and hand
some young parsons. both of EN-.
More than that, they're sure enough
twins-dark- tressed, olive-skinned and
right whoIesomely luscious. Their bath
ing outfits, like themselves. are pre-
cisely alike. They're made OF bright
crimson mohair. cut in the directoire
style and with the skirts most exceed
ingly short The Crimson Kids go stock
ingless-as well they might, oh, folks
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

scientific way that my pouchy-eyed boy
sung his pencil, reading his notes off
hand no matter how often | tested him.
! figured that I'd at length got In right
as to stenographer
AT half-past IL he went out for his
lunch but before he went he maced me
for little lunch change-said he'd been
out of work for some weeks and was shy
of money. I staked him to a two-dolar
note. He got back to the office at half
past with q vacant. vapid, vacuouS look
on his map. He sat down at the type
writer and began walloping three keys at
once He had about So worth of booze
in his carcass. and he was 50 worth
drunk, which was a-plenty. | gave him
the quick boots, of course, and there !
had three days business correspondence
tied up in shorthand notebooks, with no
visible chance Of ever getting the notes
interpreted. l telegraphed to another of
the applicants whose name and address
had been written down. ] just took the
list in rotation, and this time 1t was a
young woman. Before she arrived l had
to take off my coat and jump into that
accumulated correspondence again. get
ting off pen and ink replies to those of
the letters that required immediate at
tention
1.-The girl I'd wired for arrived about
half an hour after business began on the
next morning. She was a pretty girl. but
she didn't look we'll There was panied
look about her face and circles beneath
her eyes. She explained the hardness
of her arrival by saying that she'd had
a violent headache all the morning since
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

favor of the 2sth instant received and
contents noted and then she broke
down. Her notebook full of my dicta-
ton was just Syriac to her. She flushed
when she came to the dead halt in read
ing or trying to read that letter, and
she said that she thought perhaps she
had tried to use too many word signs.
owing to my talking SO rapidly. I paid
her for a days work and let her CO. and
she went away and left that stuffed
notebook on my hands.
Some other applicants had responded
to my advertisements. and their names
and addresses had been taken. and l
wired at random to one of them to re-
port for duty at my office on the fol-
lowing morning. Then / dug into that
stack of letters that / thought was all
off my hands except signing 'em. and
wrote brief answers to the important
ones myself with pen. 1t was the
toughest afternoons work I'd put in for
a long time. The young chap for whom
I'd wired showed up the next morning.
He was a somewhat Seedy-lOoking fellow
with q puffy face and pOuchy eyes. but
soon found that he knew how to write
shorthand all right. 1 was determined
not to get stuck with another notebook
full of useless notes. and so. after I'd
dictated about three long letters to the
puffy-faced young man l asked him to
read 'em over to me. He ratified 'em
off as If he was reading a bulletin board
l redictated to him most of the letters
that the girl who couldn't read her own
pothooks had left on my hands. besides
a big stack of fresh mail. and from the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07
S IN EMPI DYING A TYPEWRITER AND STENOGRAPHER- @C

getting up. l told her that I didn't think
she'd be equal to hard days work. but
she assured me that she would be-that
she was subject to headaches and never
stopped work on account of them. I
wasn't particularly confident. though.
when | asked her to fetch her notebook
First / handed her the notebook of the
young man who'd got Jagged on my
hands the day before and asked her if
she could read the notes. ] entertained
a sort of wistful hope. you see. that
maybe she might be able to transcribe
that big bunch of notes and save me the
measly job of debating nearly all of
them over again. But that was sad lit
tie dream of mine. The notes were quite
unintelligible to her, and she said that 1t
was an entirely different system OF short
hand from hers. Well. that girl was all
right and could read her notes after TAX
ing them, but just when 1 was coming
down the homestretch on the dictation.
shortly before noon. she collapsed and
tainted.
IT had TO hustle into the Office next door
and get the girl stenographer in there TO
come and attend to my young woman,
and / was barred out of my own office for
about half an hour while the young wom-
an was coming around. The poor young
'un looked as pale sheet, and had to
send her home in a taxi That meant
another nifty afternoon Of penmanship for
me- and again I. got home to dinner so
late that my wife looked me over out of
the tail of her eye and made sarcastic
remarks about the wonderful way my
business seemed to be picking up, and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

other irritating stuff Of that sort. After
the fainting young woman had been car
ried away I'd wired for the next appli-
cant on my list to report the next morn
ing. He reported-it was a he. At last
/ thought I'd picked winner. He was
well set-up young fellow, with no rum
marks about him. and the way he could
write shorthand was a caution. / talked
at him just as fast as l could think in
getting through my letters-some Of which
was debating for the fourth time-but
he could Just let his pencil loaf and get
everything l said without half trying. 1t
called upon him to read his notes he rat
tied 'em off is il they'd been printed mat
ter on three-sheet posters. l went out to
lunch a minute or SO after my crackerjack
stenogra pher started on the same errand.
When I came hurrying into the office
building about half an hour later saw
that there was something doing in the
scrap line in front Of one of the elevators.
And then / saw my new stenographer en-
gagged in punching the noses OF three eie-
vator men. One of the elevator men, II
appeared, had tried to siam the elevator
door in my boys face as he was stepping
on board the car, and he wouldn't stand
for it. but yanked the elevator man OIL
and pasted him one, and then the other
elevator men had raped in. and il was
all hands around, my man winning on
points: but cop ran in and pinched him
on the elevator mems complaints. and
there I was again, There / was with
nearly a weeks correspondence stopped
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

ting, at $50 to I. without bet on him
to finish last, couldn't raise a trot. and
NE was beaten quarter of a mile. and
therefore yanked down the purse some
thing easy.
Purity good. purity good" said Lunch
Room Liar of 18th street No. ?
That reminds me of cat-losing We
had out in Cairo, ILL.,. few years ago.
when lived there. The way it happened
was this: There was an old codEer liv-
ing in Cairo named Jake Forsytn-.who
Dragged day in and DAY outr tuat he
owned cat that couldn't be lost-s,-The
cat was an ornery night marauder OF the
despised male gender. and Jake, had tried
all kinds of ways to lose that cat, he
said to folks He had tied four bricks
to the cats neck on four different oc-
casions and then heaved the feline into
the Mississippi river, which runs pretty
swift at Cairo, but every time that Jake
went home after doing this he found the
sat sitting on the front porch. licking Off
the wet and summing himself
Jake was determined to get rid OF the
cat. though. and he finally tied the cat in
a gunnysack and handed ii to friend of
his, a freight conductor on the railroad.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

a bull fight, only the Infatuated buli at
the bull fight doesn't make SO much noise
over the red thing as this baby nd SO
the man with the red silk handkerchief
seeing what a hash he'd made OF 1t, stuck
the red silk handkerchief back in his nina
pocket and looked measley with himself;
and presently he got up from MS seat anu
went below to the dampOriun. and INSIDE
Of half an hour he was fighting uproarl-
ously with a lot of deck hands and
trying to clean out the engineers gang
Three or four feet in front of the baby
sat a very homely man with blackish
beard and pair Of doubtful criss-cross
eyes. 1t was suggested audtbly by some
of the surrounding women that maybe
the baby didn't like this man The man
couldn't help but overhear these sugges-
tions, and he looked tickled to death
when he heard EN-. He got up from his
wife's side at once. in obedience to the
suggestions. and repaired to the moistery
on the berth deck, and three-quarters Of
All hour later the homely man was
double dog daring the barkeep to come
from his counter and have both Of his
arms bitten off close to the shoulders.
Then it happened.
The aproned young Teller who'd been
asking WHO wants the handsome wait
err" and serving drinks to such as were
drinkfully inclined-and most of 'em
ped and gazed studiously and curiousiy
at the bawling baby.
Say bo,'' he said quietly to the scowl-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

and wear sandals, the ribbons OF which
are of the same color as their suits, and
are tied In sizeaole bow knots way up
at the knees. Their raven black hair
is entirely unconfined and falls far be-
low their waists. Their arms are bare to
the shoulder. and on each arm they wear
heavy bands about an Inch wide OF dull
gold and below these. on their left arms.
slender circlets of gold terminated In
snakes heads They're not tanned SOS
you could notice it, because both of 'em
carry parasols-bright crimson parasois
to match their rigs. They're as striking
a pair of young women as have caVorted
near these waters in a whole passel of
years. Trustworthy witnesses aHrm tha'
they have been seen to mofsten their
sandals in all of four inches OF water.
but the ordinary run of sand fappers
as positively declare that the Crimson
Kids haven't been within twenty feet OF
the seas verge since they first began
crirnsoning here.
The luridly but not excessively red-tog-
ged twins mot excessively considering the
stunts possess all the poise they need,
and they're not in the least rattleo or
perturbed by the enormous amount or
attention and comment they invariably
arouse when they make their appearance
upon the sands. Their portion OF the en-
tertainment is just to stroll up and down
the beach under their cute and cunnin
little red parasols. Nary male person
has been seen with them, and the rumor
has somehow got about that they are
wholly indifferent to masculine attention.
which seems anomalous. If that means
anything. While they don't appear to
mind being stared at. they're decidedly
averse to being snapshotted by the sand
providers with cameras. and they keep
q wary eve ont for the kodaker. When
they see that they're within range of a
furtive lens they sidestep. and the lens
gunners have their work cut out In
catching them. -
Then there's the dry bathing vaudeville
actress whom you've all seen in Washing
tom. Inasmuch as she dearly loves to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

\ number of men stood 1t for a long
time, and stuffed their fingers in their
ears, and shook their heads hopelessly
over it. and let their cigars go out think
ing about it, and leaned thoughtfully
over the rail and wondered whether it
mightn't be baliy good job to make
the jump and end it all there and then.
Then they went down below to the bar
and became deliberately and helpless
ly intoxicated
The matronly looking women sitting on
the for'ard deck. where the bawling
was. gazed accusingly at the mother of
and not few of them gazed reprovingly
at the father Of the baby. as II he had
anything to do with 1t. Occasionally,
when their gaZes at him became too
hard for his endurance. and the bawling
showed no sign whatever of diminishing.
the father of the baby, with parting
scowi at his progeny, would get up and
go down to the bar and stake himself
TO couple of sustaining beers. Then
he'd come back and resume his seat by
the bawling baby and its mother. his
spouse, and look hangdog and sore, like
a man who's saying to himself "Oh,
YES, I'm married hard and fast enough
but. gosh"'
vincinage of the bawling baby gazed at
the bawler with visible disapproval.
You'd have judged. to look at the way
they sized up the baby and Its mother,
tndI tney considered DaDtcS as pcfoHkIIlS
to some other world than that in which
they lived and had their being: that they
viewed babies as a wholly superfiuous
and unnecessary evil. an institution
which they viewed with distrust and
loathing and with which they hoped and
expected never In any circumstances to
have anything whatever to do.
And In the meantime the baby went
right on bawling.
The mother looked the baby over from
70 y,,j0 oil lyfv,o q
cally some more. trying to find out. If
there was any finding out, just what the
trouble was. She couldn't help over
hearing the audible stage whisperings OF
a lot of women around here to the essence
that there must be a pin sticking in the
baby. And SO. hitherto stated, she
examined the young 'un with the eye of
an expert from figurehead to midships
and still abaft. looking for that pin. But
there wasn't any pin. And the bawler
kept right at the bawIing job as If it was
getting two and quarter per diem for
that bawling stuff.
Then the suggestions began to rattle
around.
nervous!y suggested man who was
wedged in close 10 the bawler and
couldn't get down to the bar without
climbing over a lot of folks.
The little wisp OF q sad-eyed mother
replied in choked tone that the tooth
ache proposition manifestly was mpossi
BILE. considering the fact that the baby
hadn yet grown any teeth. Then the
man who'd offered that solution looked
cheap and small and gazed vengefully at
the brow of the Storm King mountain
and no doubt wished himself on top of
said brow. throwing rocks at things
down below
Maybe two or three OF the matronly
women were heard to suggest, its
sleepy"
Now, that sleepy suggestion was rave
from the instant II was uttered. right on
the face Of IL: because the mother had
been trying, futilely for about an hour.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

as Jake's cat had been when it had last
turned up: but, of course, the freight
conductor couldn't take all of the cats
with him. Then somebody suggested
that all OF the cats be double bricked and
dropped into the Mississippi from skiff
about ten miles above Cairo. but the
woman folks hearing of this proposition,
vetoed it as cruel. So it was finally de-
termined that all of the cats entered in
the event should be driven out into the
woods in a farm wagon and then, at
point about five miles from town. chucked
out OF the wagon. free footed, and left to
hustle for themselves. There were thirty
entries. each man entering cat paying
S. for the privilege The cat that reach
ed its home first was to pull down the
$50 for it's owner. good many of the
Cairo citizens who had cats entered in
that event rehearsed their felines several
times before the regular cat-losing was to
come off, and all of the cats showed ex-
traordnary aptitude in hustling back to
their own doorsteps from distant points.
Jake didn't rehearse his cat at ALL
For fully a week before the event came
off betting was lively. Jakes cat was a
prohibitive favorite. Well. on the day
that the cats were driven out into the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07
ToRPEDoEs AND DEsrRoYERs.
Types Of Each Rapidly Changing in
the British Navy.

FROM Casters Magazine.
The day has gone by when the tor
pedo can be regarded as an unrelia BILE
instrument of war of strictly limited
use. Today the British navy is about
to be equipped with a torpedo which
will carry a destructive charge of up
ward of 200 pounds, and will possess
an effective range of over 1000 yards.
which 1t will be able to cover at an
average speed Of thirty-one knots.
Such weapon is bound to influence
battle tactics. owing to its range ard
the accuracy with which it runs The
new torpedo in association with i'm
proved gunnery methods has already
banisned the familiar 6-inch gun from
the newer battleships and battleship
cruisers. One of the urgent naval prob
lens of today is how to employ the new
torpedo to the best advantage.
1t is realized that it is necessary to
build special vessels for its use. 1t Is
also realized that in view of the dan
gerous character of the service which
will devolve upon these craft 1t is es-
sentfal not only that the British fleet
should possess the best type of torpedo
craft but that 1t should have these yes
sells In sufficient number to provide
margin of safety in view of the inevi-
table casualties of war
The new destroyers differ from any,
thing which has hitherto been seen i'm
the British navy. They are to have a
displacement of from $50 to 1000 tons.
with a speed of twenty-seven knots
only They will mount five 12-pounder
guns and be fitted with two torpedo tubes.
The building Of a destroyer is q special
trade based upon scientific data and ear
ried out with a delicacy and accuracy of
workmanship which is not to be found.
because 1t Is not required i'm larger YES
sells. The establishments which devote
themselves to the construction of such
craft are a national asset OF no mean
importance at time when the torpedo is
looming with increasing menace on the
horizon
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

Stephen Girard. the second richest man
in his day. came to America as a cabin
boy vessel and commenced life in
the new world with a sixpence, but he
made the world his best school and in
dustry his best capital; Cornelius Wander
bit laid the foundation of his great for
tune with $50 his mother gave him Of her
savings to buy a small sailboat with
which he transported market gardening
from Staten Island to New York city.
When the wind was unfavorable he push
ed the boat along by poles and got his
freight to market in season, After
while he began to run and build steam
boats. putting hds savings into railroads,
which were then being rapidly construct
ed. John Jacob Astor beat furs for Hay
man Levy at dollar a day; Nicolas
Low. ancestor of Seth Low. laid the
foundation of his fortune in q hogshead
of rum purchased from the same en-
ployer.
Young man, don't say that you can do
nothing because you are poor or because
you can have no one to help you. Take
down any encyclopedia of American BIZ
ography. or. better still. look around your
city or town, and you will see that your
men were rocked in the
cradles of Lowry cottages and buffeted
the pillows of fate. depending on their
eGn SneCEyA.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

over and merely grazed by my own pen.
and four shorthand books lying there.
filled to the covers with notes that were
of no more use to me than moforman
glove. Again ] had to do the writing
thing as to the important ones. and again
| wired for one OF the candidates.
HE came the next morning. He was
staid-looking customer of thirty-fiye or so
who knew his business all right. and as
soon as he'd hung up his hat we pitched
in without any parley and did fierce
mornings work in the way of giving and
receiving dictation. In the afternoon l
had the satisfaction Of seeing that staid
looking pothook writer begin to pile the
sheets into the typewriter as IL into
hopper, and the work that he turned out
was clean and letter-perfect. He was
lust biting into the swing of ii and was
perhaps half done with his book full OF
notes when he was called to the phone
He came back into my office minute
later, looking sheepish and fiustered.
"Guess I'll have to trot along home
and stay there for day or so. SIR he
said to me-
That's gloomy news for me, the way
the work is piled up around this plant,
/ said to him. What's the answer.
We'll. SIR he replied, grinning like
an idiot from ear to ear, they tell me
it's a boy sir-that's all"
Il paid him for what work he'd done.
and away he went
Now am 1 crazy or am not crazy
when l say, son, that there are stenogra-
piers and stenographers and then hull
passed. of shorthand wr'ters-blame EN-!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-08-07

bawlins, words and music. with caveat
against all infringements whatsoever.
This baby had air-tight copyright
and a registered trade mark on the bawl-
ing thing. Ii Che or she. the writer doesn't
know which YETI must have been the orig
inator and charter member of the Bawl-
ers Association. besides having written
the bylaws of that organization and the
ritual of bawling. and things like those.
AS a bawler this baby made the erup-
ton of Krakatoa sound by comparison
like a little zephyr pickering In and out
among nodding asphodels, or like a tiny
rill softly whispering its way over messy
stones
After which necessary preambling, let's
get into this bawling story. anyhow.
1t was on a Hudson river steamboat,
bound for Poughkeepsie or some such it
doesnt-matter place. couple of weeks
ago.
IL was a very beautiful boat and there
were lot of folks on board who wanted
to be intent upon the very beautiful
scenery for which the Hudson. as Mister
Baedekar would say. is SO justly famous.
But the folks couldn't, OF course. get
themselves intent upon anything whatever
except the horrendous. the cataclysmic,
the terrifying. the diapasonic. the clash
of-worlds- Neutrality-suspicious. bawl-
ing of this baby that we're Intellectually
trying to get started to tell about
L ne Dapy was up ara on the main
deck. a little abaft the cathead, on the
starboard side. and-well. that Is to say.
less nautically. as ii WAR. that the baby
was up in front. under the awning. where
a whole slew OF scenery-loving folks were
sitting around.
The baby was in the arms OF its mother.
The mother was a little wisp of a thing.
with stringy hair and tired, sad eyes.
Maybe you've noticed that the mothers of
bawling babies tof babies that make a
business. that Is to say. of class A, major
league bawling) have sad. tired eyes. The
mother must have weighed all of eighty
seven pounds. and she looked as IL life
wasn't worth zinc nickel TO her.
The father OF the baby was a huge,
cornfed person. some several inches
above six feet high. and weighing about
223. His contribution to the entertain
ment speaking generally. was to scowI
AT the bawling baby and TO look gener
ally In way to indicate that il he had
his life 10 live over again there wouldn't
he any bawling baby on that boat, or
that, IL there were, he wouldn't be guilty
OF being the father Of II. anyhow.
Well, the baby bawied and bawied. etc.
etc.
Folks shifted nervously In their seats
and forgot all about scenery and SIGH.
There wasn't million to one chance for
them to think about anything else except
that bawling.