The Topeka state journal., 1909-01-20

shoulder and smiling droily-'a mighty
sociated Literary PTess.)
HUNOR or THE Day
It's mighty tough,' says the Phil
lows throw rocks at you, and then to have
the owner Of the quarry come and get you
pinched for receiving stolen goods
''why are you so yexed. Irma?' IT am
so exasperatedi attended the meeting of
the Social Equality League, and the parlor
maid presided and had the audacity to
call me to order three dmes!'-Fliegende
Blaetter.
Ever notice two women comparing
notes2 mot particularly. What do they
say?" s"One always says she's a bundle OF
erfeet a1 ree t as
81 see a retired knockabout comedian
arms mss HAS he dee decided I tG on anything h1IT
Il think he Is considering two slapsticks
crossed over seltzer siphon."-Pittsburg
Charles will never become cold and dis
tant Emily-We may get cold, aunt.e;
but am sure sure there IS no danger in cur
ways IN q flat.-Puck.
ats --..
DO you find. Mr.. Duffer. that golf is
of any real benefit 20 your Sure thing.
IN getting excellent control of my temper.
NAM OF the strokes that I make with the
utmost lalmness now would have caused
ago. Chicago Herald
You and that little wattles boy seem
to play very nicely together" said
boy in the peishborheod that You u' can m get get
siL2l along with: Yes" replied Johnny. IT
to me all day.''-Chicago Record-Herald.
please said the bookkeeper. ''conversa-
ton isn't necessary when there is work on
hand" -, That + only shows; Mr.; Addemup."
never read the history of the Tower of
Babel. '-Chicago Tribune.
Mrs. Newlywed-FTed. dear, II have
done you a great injustice. Mr.. Newlywed
suspected you without reason. asked Sew
eral of your friends that you go to the
club with if you knew how to play bridge,
and said you -Me-Up.
What kind Of a boy does yer want? Mer-
chant-A nice, quiet boy that doesn't use
around the office. play tricks or get into
mischief Small Boy-Yer don't want no
boy; yer wants a goil. See!-Kansas City
Christmas Counsel.-"My wife and T."
Christmas. .''IIow's tRat?" 80 that we
of it," advised the old married man. kind
ly. For If you carry out that program,
to pacify her the day after" washington
Herald.
Taft proves that golf is q poor mans
ter: II makes a rich man poor--77New York
sun --r
the heroine. This is final And we
only in the sixteenth chapter" sneered
the here. hero. for & 1t was none other "Bah?'-
"Peahs ter me. Br'er Simpson, yo' am
easy 9t o9 ony a BTeT PaT
Johnsing An & done got fo-days., az, . JOB sf, 70,
Now All kin t'row up de job."-Judge
The only thing that beats. paying debts
is not making them-Dallas News.
Mamie-In what way did George pay
her fSda her on
nineteen roses, when she should have had
forty.
The fellow who says that figures won't
lie,' evidently has not seen the figures
which dressmakers ccnstruct.-Manchester
Union.
The Boy-Boo-hoo! Bobbie's swallowed
my little enginel The Ca1ler-Good gra-
cious! How could that happen? The Boy
We was on the floor playing at trains,
and he was the tunnel-Harper's Weekly.
The best throw of the dice is to throw
them away.-Spanish.
He-These glasses give me a very in
tellectual appearance, don't you think?
She-Yes. Aren't they powerful:-Yoston
Transcript.
''Did you meet any of the members of
the nobility when you were in EuropeF
asked Miss Gushleigh. ''Sure. I sat be-
tween an earl and viscount at a prize
fight one evening Chicago Record-fler-
aid.
The Park Orator-Oh,ye flinty-hesrted
scoffersi Is there nothing that Will touch
your worldly hearts? What can do to
move you2 The Voice From the Crowd
Pass the at round, uv'ror.-Illustrated
Bits.
QUAKER NEGOTIATIONS.
IFrom the Philadelphia Record1
Virtue is its own reward, but vice gets
more publicity. -
Hunger is a better appetizer before din
ner than a cocktail.
Laughter is the wine of life but good
bit of it is vim ordinaire.
The literary hack seldom makes az
1-4w~a