The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1909-12-01

As Paul Revere went dashing past.
"T. Roosevelt is dead!" he vowed
But everybody laughed aloud,
And as he pushed upon the reins.
They cried, go tell it. to the Danes
Whereat the herald winked his eye
cry.
Prosperity's returned!" he bawled,
The next town site he overhauled;
But this town too. for all his pains,
Just smiled and said. go tell the
Danes!"
Wherefore Revere. still raising welts
Upon his mount, planned something
else.
"Cook has confessed" was his hal
loo
The next township he galloped
through;
But these were also knowing swains
And yelled, 60 tell it to the
Danes!"
At which rebuff he frowned frowr
And said: "I1l try just one more
town"
And. on the solemn truth resolved
Cried, STANDARD Oil has been dis
solved!"
But this town said. and shook Ii
noggin.
Keep right on. Paul. to Copen-
hagen!"
December was anciently the tenth
month. and its name is from the
Latin decem (ten). 1t has always
been the last month in every calen-
dar. Like ourselves. the ancients
were not quite sure whether they
could afford 1t or not. and 1t was
therefore always placed where 1t
could be dropped with the least dis
turbance of the calendar year. Alex
ander the Great always attacked
his enemies Immediately after Christ
mas, when they didn't have a cent,
and julius Caesar, who could see
farther than Jim Hill. repeatedly
warned Rome against the Goths
and Vandals, who. like the trusts,
gave each other no Christmas pre-
sents.
The cast for the annual Christ
mas cantata will be as follows:
Santa Claus. Mr.. Taft. Sled, MI
Carnegie. Reindeer. Mr.. Kuhn,
Mr.. Loeb, Mr.. Aldrich and Mr..
Payne. Bells. Mrs. Green and Mrs
Sage. Whip. Mr.. Lawson. Snow,
Chancellor Day. Moon. Mr.. Arch
bold. Roof, Mr.. Ryan. Chimney,
Mr.. Hill. Pack. Mr.. Sherman
Tree, Mr.. Rockefeller. Sleeping
child, Mr.. Morgan. The perfor-
nance will be given on the night
of the gath. Mr.. Morgan is said to
be in the awakening scene the most
delightful child in the history OF
the play.
The natural phenomena of the
month will be encouraging. On the
18th there will be a partial eclipse
of the sun. visible in the region
around the South Pole. During
the eclipse 16 ounces of sugar will
weigh a pound at the New York
custom house and gas meters will
run backwards. On the 21st the
Coal Trust will kick the sun across
the Tropic of Capricorn for a field
goal, and the winter solstice will be-
gin with the ball in the possession
of the trusts on our five-yard line.
This will be the shortest day OF
the year, and Mr.. Peary will be
the fayorite in the North Pole dis
pute.
The dawn of winter will disclose
John Rockefeller with his toes
wigwagging with an upward thrust
And pieces of the Sugar Trust
Disseminated here and there,
While Uncle Samuel with his hair
Awry in angry little puffs
Is looking for his coat and cuffs.
The br> ath of Boreas will blow,
and 10. the soft and flakey snow
will lay its mantle on the hill and
look for cubby holes to fill. The
furry colt will feel the fine on-come
of Winter down his spine. the which
will make him buck and sgueal and
snap the cracker on his Aeel. The
chilly dog will sniff the air and don
his suit of heavy hair, and In his
igloo made of snow the blubber-eat-
ing Eskimo will twinge with rheu-
matiz and gout and wonder how
the fight came out. The lusty calf
will bawl and bah and burrow In
the stack of straw. and Winter. with
its biting wind. will urge him in
ward from behind. The rabbit
hunter, red Of face, will prosecute
the thrilling chase, and the flying
rabbit frightened daft. will run like