Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1909-09-14

mans daughter. Baltimore Ameri'
can.
who presented the count to yUu?
asked the privileged friend. INC
one," answered the heiress. Il bought
him" m."-Lippincott's
Are you willing to join us and be-
come a vegetarian" Yes" said the
philosopher, 'if you're willing to con.
cede that all flesh is grass" Life.
He-"I would go to the end Of the
world for you" Shelf didn't
know that the world is round,
would believe you."-Fliegende Blat-
ter.
Papa, the stuff 1 want my new
bathing suit made Of costs $40 a
yard" well, here's s1.5O-get what
you want my dear. r."-Cleveland
Plaindealer.
Times have changed among White
House visitors" How, how?" 81 just
saw a cowpuncher elbowed aside by
a man in golf clothes.
Bulletin.
Observation-Disclosures / have to
borrow money try to get 1t from
pessimist." Fieldman-"Why?" Deem
ster-"A pessimist never expects to
get it back."-Life.
Mr.. Ritz spends the whole day at
his office just now. Has he so much
to do them" "Yes. He has just
bought a poodle and he is training it. l."
-Fliegende Blatter.
He has a high regard for the
truth" "Yes, indeed. He never
thinks of using it when something
else will suit his purpose just as well
or better."-Detroit Free Press.
do you think anybody ought to
read that book?" Judging from the
immense interest 1t appears to have
created" answered Miss Cayenne, ~
should say not. t."-washington Star.
Despondent Lover-"I shall never
marry now." The cruel one-"oh,
yes, you will" Despondent lover
"Oh, no, sha'nt If you won't have
me, no one will.''-Illustrated Bits.
She with a pout)-"A man always
(blandly)-"After a man has once
got rid of a balky horse he uses more
intelligence in picking out another"
illustrated Bits.
Wheeler-"Why, Miss Snooper, how
costumes alter people. I hardly knew
YOU" Miss Snooper-"Do I look
such a fright, Them" Wheeler-"On
the contrary, you look just most
charming g"-Illustrated Bits.
Old Nurse (to newly married cou-
pie, after viewing the wedding pres
ents)-"Well, my dears, you ought to
be very 'eppy. There amt thing
amongst 'em as pawnbroker
wouldn't be pleased to 'andle. -
Punch.
Yankee Visitor-'I guess you have
killed few in your timer" Pension
er-"Yes, about 200 or more" Yam
kee Visitor-"Ha! perhaps you were
a gunner or something, eh?" Pen
sioner-"No, 1 was the regimental
cook. ALLY Sloper.
do you believe in the Darwinian
theory?" asked Mr.. Whibbles. Il am
inclined to go further than Darwin
did," answered Miss Cayenne, "and
believe that some members of our
species have started on return trip"
Washington Star.
Io O
you have eaten all that cake without
giving thought to your sister?" Har-
ry-"Oh, no! I thought of her every
second. l was afraid all the time that
she would come before l had eaten it
up."-Life.
I'm sure" sobbed the bride, that
George only married me for my mon
ey" "Why, daughter, what makes
you think so?" He brought COM
pany home for dinner last night and
refused to wipe the dishes for me-
Detroit Free Press.
Farmer-"Ever milk a cow?" Sum-
mer Boarder-"No, sir, but I'd like to
try" Farmer-"Think you can make
'er give DOWN." Summer Boarder-
81 guess so. I've served two years
as a personal property ASSESSOR
Chicago Tribune.
Doctor" said the parishioner,
don't you consider love one anoth-
err as binding as any other part Of
the moral law?" "Of course do"
answered the Rev. DR.. Fourthly. Its
the first amendment to the Ten Com
mandments. Chicago Tribune.
"Precocious children do not always
grow up to be geniuses. NO." an
swered Miss Cayenne. Sometimes
they are kept so busy thinking up odd
things for their fathers to tell down.
town that they neglect the ordinary
branches of education. Washing
ton Star
Editor-"I hear you referred to
nowadays, too often, as a cheap hu-
morist.'" Humorist-'Thank you,
sir" Editor-"Why thank me?" HUI
morist-"I supposed you were about
to make my salary such that the
taunt would be no longer just"
Cleveland Leader.
Mr.. Crimsonback-"I wish to gra-
cious you'd take that bunch of hair
pins out of your mouth when you're
talking to me. I can't understand a
single word you say" Mrs. Crimson
back-"There you go! You hate to
see me have the least bit Of pleasure. u
-Yonkers Statesman.
"How's the climate around here?'
asked the tourist. II reckon it's pur-
ty much like other climates" answer
ed Farmer Corntossel. 1T amt much
fur stiddy comfort, but it's mighty
convenient an reliable as a means OF
takin' the boarders' minds off'n their
other troubles. "-Washington Star.
She-"Only think, Mrs Jones threw
a fiatiron at her husbands head be-
cause he accidentally sat down on her
new hat. 1 couldn't do a thing like
that" He-"No, you love me toe
much, don't you?" Shelves, and
besides 1 haven't any new hat