The sun., 1909-01-03

could nurse me.
well, she got her eye on me about
two seconds after she came through the
door, and then all Of a sudden abe ceased
to look motherly or mild at all, somehow.
Instead she waddled up TO me and shook
her wet umbrella in my face.
YOU'RE fraud and a swindier, sir.
said she, Just like that. It's a wonder to
me that the police don't Investigate you
and this entire establlshment. l was
never 30 imposed upon In my life. Just
look at this. siri' .t-
swell. she pulled out Of her black shop
ping bag a dolly or something about the
size of the top Of your hat witlsa lot OF
yarn OF different oolors worked into 1t.
The thing looked as IL IL had been washed
and the colors had run some.
Dye know that that little old woman
browbeat and bullyraRged me for fully
! a quarter of an hour before | could con-
yarn. that didn't know the difference
between yarn and four inch hawsers, that
| couldn' 'ttell the difference between green
and blue except in a pousse cafe, that
didn't own the building and the ground
lease, that only earned umpty-ump
dollars a week at my job. and that the
proper place for her to make her spiel
was at the yarn counter or at the large
walled In rear enclosure marked Bureau
OF Complaints'?
Even after I'd told her all this and
grovelled and abashed and abased my
self before her she went right on sprink-
ling and wetting me down with her moist
umbrella like as II she meant later to take O
broom and sweep me into the street,
Another pleasing duty connected with
my job is that Of keeping a watchful eye
on the clerks, male and female, on this
deck. That's the reason I'm so popular
around here.
Notice it9 Notice how they all refrain
from stabbing me TO death with shears
and pencils and hatpins and Things as |
pass down the aises? Notice how cheer
fully they don't look at me when heave
into their view?
1T sure is touching and wonderful how
! am admired by the salesfolks on this
floor. That's the reason ! won't be going
on the annual picnic of the employees of
this establishment next June II I'm still
here. know what kind Of picnics can
safely take in and those that ] can't.
ITO show you how it works OUT Not
long ago heard some sort OF a scrap in
progress at thot fancy goods counter down
the second elsie. | skated over there To
see what was coming of.
A naughty looking woman with severe
chart and trouble hunting eve was let |
ting one OF the girls behind the counter |
have It in a way to make man catch his |
breath.
Why, you skinny, chemical haired !
impudent hussy youl' she was kissing at |
the salesgirl How dare you stand there |
and tell me that this fan Is hand painted |
when any infant in arms can see that il |
is merely stamped?
@The girl was too American TO standfor
all that that came TO.
Madam heard her say to the woman I
who was ripping her. 1 don't care hair |
rat whether you buy this fan or not now.
But I'm telling you that it is hand painted
every bit as much hand painted as you
yourself are" which was a nice warm
one at that. viewed from any angle
Il thought the abusive woman with the
hard face was going to drop with sheer
/ cut in then and tried to
glaze the thing over. but the trouble
lunter walked over me as il | were SO
much tanbark. II
"She demanded to see the proprietor
nstanter and | led her to the manager, II
caring that II ! didn't she would tear the
building in two, raze it TO the ground
md fire volley over it. She demanded
hat the manager Immediately discharge
he saleseirl. The manager promised TO
ire the girl.
After the trouble hunter had gone
told the manager how the woman had
.bused the salesgirl and called her names
md treated her in general like hyena.
% that instead Of discharging the girl
he manager sent bill to the ugly woman
her to close her account
Fine, ehy But the girl whose lob
saved for her is considerably more down
lpon me now than she was before and
makes all sorts of humorous cracks about
he style of my walk and the cut Of NV iib
n general. That's about the way these
hinGs always work out when a floor
walker goes in for the helpful stuff.
l.. AaN .NF 81. h.
hristmas shopping season was that
consoling men whose wives had dragged
hem hero on shopping expeditions. After
mans wife has hauled him all over the |
ulding three or four times and spent |
We hours in buying q dollar and eighty
ents worth of everything, why. he's
retty apt TO revolt, and when he revolts
9 usually breaks away from her in sheer 1
and wanders around the place
ke a lost soul.
Il had 10 watch out for these poor un-
rtunates and endeavor to instill COM /
rt into their telpest tossed minds |
enty of men thus reduced to the final
tremity of woe invited me, in their con-
ton Of IRRESPONSIBLE despair, to repair
Ith them to the nearest groggery, there
become exceedingly intoxicated in
cir company. or course | didn't have
q time. much as | sympathized with
EN-.
Il sort Of suggested TO the manager
at during the Christmas shoppi ng
ason il ought TO be a good idea to fit up
sort Of a clubhouse room.
tn cigars and drinks and things, and
aybe few vaudeville turns, up on the
y floor, where the men whose wives
ul them out on shopping expeditions
uld adjourn Immediately they struck
is building--that is, after handing their
nix rolls over to their wives-and sort
hold sympathy and experience meet
gs and play pinochle and drink rum
d enjoy themselves generally while
cir better halves dissipated the sub
ince for which they-the husbands-
led and moiled on 81 cent breastpins
r Lulu and so cent hand gilded milking
Dols for Myrtle and 7s cent oil paint
rs for gran ma and so on.
When a man came in with his wife he
uld be handed two brass checks, both
lmped with tho same number. His
fe could take one and he the other.
len his wife finished all Of her shopping,
er nine hours or so. a boy could go up II
the rummery and yell out the number,
d the man. il able TO walk, could
But the foorwalker with ideas was
away before he could finish il.
III