The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-06-07
80 was mine. she talked about the
italian earthquake and I about Roose-
welt In Africa.

I 30 was mine. she talked about the
italian earthquake and I about Roose-
welt In Africa.
Mrs. B's Cunning Scheme.
She was al I'm fiutter as to how she
could work me out of the house, but I
solved the problem by saying that I
would walk to the office for change
and smoke my morning cigar on the
way. AS SHE closed the front door on
my heels she seemed TO be very, very
happy woman. All this, and yet she
has said in the papers that / was a
buildozer!
hadn't been out of the house ten
minutes when carpets were being rip
ped up and run into the back yard for
beating. During this rush Mrs. Bow
ser ran tack into her foot and an
other into her thumb, but I did not
mention 1t In revengeful spirit II II
had been me she would have had
great deal TO say about my swearing,
but wasn't there. In using the step.
ladder to take down pictures Mrs
Bowser took a spread eagle fly and
landed on the head of the cook and
took her down with her. On each and
every occasion when I have fallen
from the stepladder Mrs. Bowser has
hushed me UP so that the neighbors
shouldn't hear, but she had to hush
herself this time. don't chuckle oyer
1t. She Is very nice woman, and Che
couldn't swear to get even.
While waiting for the colorcd man to
coue to beat the carpets Mrs. Bowser
and the cook started in to move the
dining room sideboard ten feet. Had
| been there that piece Of furniture
would have gone a-kiting with
whoop. As It was the pair managed
to tip 1t over and break $50 worth of
glassware and crockery.
They then tackled the big brass bed
In the spare room. There wasn't the
slightest reason why 1t should be
moved. but II had been there 1t would
have come down as lightly as a feath-
er and within two minutes. dote
upon taking down bedsteads. As It
was the headpiece fell on Mrs. Bowser
and the footpiece on the cook, and
when they recovered consciousness
spring had advanced by twenty rods.
do not smile as write of the colam-
ity. ! could have laid there and talked
In six different languages, while poor
Mrs. Bowser could only talk I'm one.
When noon came|the colored carpet
beater had not yet appeared. Had
been there the carpets would have
been ready at 10 O'clock. While walt.
Ing for him Mrs. Bowser and the cook
decided TO move the dresser out of my
room and kill few moths nesting be-
hind 1t. Lord, but how l do love to
move dressers! | take them by the
scruif and slack and away they go
like boy on roller skates. Mrs. Bow.
ser and the cook weren't two minutes
standing the dresser on its head aud
smashing the glass and wrenching the
drawers. Had | done that the howl
that would have followed would have
been heard half mile away.
Everything Goes Wrong.
Still no carpet beater. Mrs. Bowser
went to the telephone and called up
his boss, but 1t was with soft, low
voice and '.please' to It. The result
was that she was told she must wait
another week or two. Lands alive. but
IL Bowser had been there at that
phone! That darkey would have come
up on the wire, and his face would
have looked as white as snow when
he landed.
The man engaged to put down the
carpets didn't show up. Mrs. Bowser
goes to the telephone to ask please"
again. She was informed that he had
gone to Niagara Falls on his wedding
trip. If had been there! IL Bowser
had only been there
Mrs. Bowser and the cook solaced
themselves by starting In to take up
The front stairs carpet. l have taken
a stair carpet by the upper end and
ripped 1t of the stairs In sixty sec
onds, but Mrs. Bowser thought she |
knew better way. The result was |
that both women took a tumble from |
top to bottom. and one of the cooks |
feet struck the hatrack and broke two
IF the pegs short Off. while Mrs. Bow
ser had front tooth knocked out.
purposely delayed getting home
hat evening until an hour beyond the
isual time: Then Il was to find the
,ouse a barracks and both women in
'ed with camphor bottles to their
loses. Did I grin and sneer and
huckle and say was glad Of It? Not
my. ! kissed Mrs. Bowser, pitied the
ook and said that I would have the
'ouse all settled by noon next day.
And did have, and that's the sort Of
man who signs himself,
SAMUEL BOWSER,
champion Housecleaner Of the Uni.
verse. Per M. Quad, |