The Washington times., 1909-08-15

This is to he strictly under your hat.
dear public. for Il would not be fair to
disturb Uncle Joes vacation or mar
the rest of any of the tariff tired
solons by scattering broadcast such a
piece of information.
The Chamber of Commerce is hack
of il. This organization has been
back Of several things lately, bat it
is now getting ready TO pull of a
stunt which promises to make the
whole country sit up and take notice.
And the result may be that it viii find
itself more of political than a com
mercial body, and at the head or a
whole string of similarly transformed
bodies-al of them working for the
same object:
The change Of the inaugural date.
The Chamber is going to consider
bringing about this change by issuing
two books. One of them viii be pic
ture of the holding of an Inauguration
in March. under conditions even more
unsatisfactory than those of the last
Inauguration, if possible. The second
book viii contain glowing account Of
an Inauguration h,-ld in MAY thirty-one
years hence. with ideal weather prevail
ing. II is calculated that the contrast
between the two descriptions will be 50
gredt that a great national sentiment
will he created in favor Of changing the
inaugural date.
To Put Solons on Run.
Not only an ingenious arrangement,
you will exclsim. but classy-so CLASSY.
in fact. that is promises Immediately 10
put all the solons on the run before
they viii be able to successfully COM
bat it,
And there are members of the Cham
her who believe these two highly imagin-
alive and literary productions will do
the work.
In any event, they promise. for a time
at least, 10 make the average type or
campaign literature fade into insig
uiiicance to put sickly hue upon the
thrilling novel and TO give the public a
taste for a new kind OF reading
on the very first page of the first
hook 1.-The President of the United states
Is working the blood and thunder fea-
ture up rather rapidly. The author will
explain that the President was inaugu-
rated on March 4 and that the story
begins four days later, which accounts
for the demise Of the Chief Executive so
early In the game. He died of pneu-
monis contracted on Inauguration Day.
Reader VIII Shudder.
The reader Will shudder at such a
state OF affairs. as an opener for the
story. but then he. too, viii see that It
can't be helped. for no person who
reads the book throughout will deny
that such things are 10 be expected
when inauguratiOns are held in March.
And when the great reading public
has laid down volume number one u
viii give q shUddeT, more prolonged
than all the others, and the sOIons VIII
shudder. and every BODY viii feel shaky
and decide that a change wouldn't be
I bad. For il is TO he very gloomy,
pessimisuc, unsaVory. fOreD0diug vol
ume. and couldn't do otherwise but
/ make people restless.
An. but the change, Listen to this.
The story opens in 1871. II Is the
great inaugural week Of May I 10 :.
Flowers are in bloom, birds are sing
ing, and thousands are pouring I'm from
every section o. the country to see
Hon. Mr. So and So proclaimed Chi-s
Executive
Isn't that some Utopia FOR YOU? Vol
ume number two VIII tell all about IT..
And when the public has lsiG down
volume number two Il viii feel so re-
lieved at having the effect o. volume
number one worn off that IL VIII rise
up i'm its enthusiasm, and thC sOlOEs
simply viii have 70 change the I'M
augural date 10 suit the wishes Of tire
people.
That's about all there will be TO Il.
Simple, isn't II? Extremely so.
Chamber Guards Plans.
While the Chamber Of Commerce has
guarded its plans with the utmost Sc
crecy. ii became known today that at
/ the very next meeting OF the executive