The Birmingham age-herald., 1909-12-26

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
 When the steamship Aragania arrived in port last week MT. Rameses of Egypt on-the-Nile. who was a passenger on his way to the Yale Museum, consented to a short trip around town under the guid- ance of our classiest interviewer, and, after having placed himself in touch with the life of the metropolis. consented fur ther to draw a few conclusions thereon for exclusive publication.
 "No,' said Rameses as he entered the taxi, "I cannot say that minded be- ing cooped up in the ship for so long, As matter of fact, I have been living the simple life for the past 2O00 years or more, and so long as nothing happened to ruffle my linen I did not object to the confinement am very fond of my linen. In fact. I'm quite wrapped up in 1t.
 T should be very glad to tell you which Rameses I am If such a statement were safe. But notice you have already sev- eral prior Rameses here in America, and that complicates the matter very much. Had I known before starting that there would be any rival claimants on the ground l should have, of course, brought by Eskimos with me. AS it is, left my records in bronze cylinder on the left hand side of the Temple of Karnak. After the Yale scientists have heard my story l shall issue 1t with photographs in book form.
 Born in the Purple.
 T do hope, however. that they will not get me mixed up with that Ptolemy fam fly. They were nothing but foreigners. and l understand that there are certain domestic affairs in connection with their family tree that are not altogether say ory. Ear be it from me to comment harshly upon the reputation of a lady, put there was a Miss Cleo Ptolemy, who sprang up in the latter and decadent times, whose carvings on with several Roman gentlemen who talked in blank verse were of such a character as to cause local lampooners to speak of her as The Lady With the Serpentine Tongue l understand she also had a won1ans reg ular kind of a tongue. which combination. you can understand, must have been ab- solutely the limit. FsNr
 No. I'm one of old man Ramesess family by his first wife and I may say that there are only a few of us left
 Alter an extended trip around the city a lunch at 65 cent table dhote restau- rant and few souvenir postal cards as a chaser the distinguished Nilesian mum my returned to his box and lighting an Egyptian cigaret spoke briefly. but with the wisdom of the ages
 Punk" he said sagely, vanity of van- tiles; all in punk. Civilization has pro- gressed sideways like a pessimistic crab. All nature is just as 1t was way back in the days before TiglaIh-P Pileser and Assur-b ur-ban-i-pal-even human nature I can't see that you have invented even a joke of importance
 As to Nicarauua.
 By your paper I see you are prepar- ing to hand over few hot ones to an obscure satrapy called Nicaragua We did that when they used to have dynasties instead of administrations. I see also that, after you had got your soldiers loaded onto war vessel you sent them away with bands playing and flags fly ing and the girls throwing kisses on the dock. We used to do that way back when spuyten Duyvil was a epithet and not damp spot.
 And l notice also that, when your war vessel got a few miles down the river, it got stuck in some very unro- mantle and quite unmilltary mud, in which place 1t is likely to remain until the cruel war is over. We used to do that Furthermore, discovered during my reign, which, critics to the contrary, was much more than a sprinkle, that the reason my war boats got stuck in the mud was because they were steered by philosophers instead of rllots. I had It on your four ways from the ace be- cause you haven't found that out yet. It's another of the lost arts.
 Tt appears you are very proud about your educational institutions. I'll admit that our College of Pharmacy didn't have any course in soda water fountains, and we taught languages with a club. not a photograph which was much simpler. But in my time young man could get to know as much as anybody else in about three weeks. And Tll leave it to you if that wasn't all that was neces- sary.
 Your humor Is too simple and ap- parent When I was a kid propound- ed blithesome jest at the breakfast table one morning, and it wasn't until 1t had been bitten into 8 pyramid in three colors by my slaves that any one saw 1t. Your comedians are as cheap as mud. as we say on the Nile. The only original cut-up I have seen here is the Hamburger steak we had in the