Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-11-28

gone. l believed in no one, trusted no one.
Not that thought no one worthy of confidence,
except related to me; but for myself looked
at the world with distorted vision, my soul sick,
my mind poisoned, my heart broken.
Then | began to try to take myself less serl-
ously, to reason with myself, to think of other
people and other peoples troubles. | was
young, had my life to live, could not afford
to spoil it utterly because some one had tried
to spoil it for me; but it was hard work. The
life of woman who has been married is not
easy to lead. She is neither, in the eyes of the
world, flesh, fish, nor fowl, nor good red her
ring. She must not speak of her trouble, as that
would be in bad taste; SO even the privilege of
a real widow is denied her, and the stigma that
attaches to the divorce even yet she must bear
as best she may.
l struggled on, trying to forget, to recover,
to regain my faith in humanity, in men, in
women; but couldn't. If all the saints had
been proved to be adventures and adven-
turesses, should not have been surprised.
Enter Number Two
AND then met for the second time the man
l was to marry 1t ism SO easy to talk OF
this meeting this courtSh1p or this marriage.
1t was natural and beautiful and satisfying.
There was no theorizing about his being bus-
ness practical, about my needing
some one of opposite temperament who could
take care of me. He came into my lite without
parade or buster or pretense. He loved me,
and loved him, and he wanted me. He looked
on me as a cn1l1,-tnOuSn ne is not much olueT
and will be perennially young because OF his
young heart and boyish nature,-a little for
lorn child that needed to be taken care of and
petted and cherished and loved
He didn't know very much about music;
but he loved it. One of his maddest extrava-
gances was buying books, and he still thinks
my illustrating the making of any magazine
that will accept 1t.
The first two years of our married life rev.
eled in the luxury of just living and loving and
tod
wasn't easy to get on with, either, in those days.
The poison of my first marriage didn't die at
once; but one day, after had been indulging
in wild TRADE against humanity, my husband
looked at me very seriously.
Kitty" he said, are you never going to
stop living with that man? Won't you just
live here with me1"
l saw what he meant and stopped talking,
and little by little think am getting back to
where used to be. Not quite back There are
scars that won't heal, callouses that l can't
weep or pray away or forget. But then
/ was twenty-nine when | married Hal, and
by that time | should have had sorrow of
some sort, surely. There would have been sore
spots of some kind. Maybe these have left the
least trace. And there have been many things
Ihave learned to be charitable to sympathize,
to think less hardly of men and women whose
married lives are unhappy, to take myself less
seriously.
NV second marriage has been the thing for
me. 1t has met my need. l am better wo-
man, better wife, for that first ordeal. Pure
goodness and genteness and love and unselfish-
ness mean more to me than once they would.
If they had come to me first, perhaps | should
have just taken them for granted. had found
in the first instance droSS l should have been
content with silver in the second, and have
found gold | have met sorrow and have van
pushed it. l shall never be afraid of it again.
If my first faith in men has gone, maybe it is
better that it should go. What is left is founded
on a surer footing. | could never be hurt again
the way l was. There is no second pang like
the first. And that too, is best.
When Memory Comes Up
IF, when l listen to husbands and wives,
pecially wives, talk of the unbounded con-
fidence they have in their mates, of their sure
ness that no one in the world could come be-
tween and spoil their happiness, do not join
in the conversation, it is not because am cyni-
right or that because have had bad expert
ence myself l fancy everyone else is likely to
have it; but experience teaches observation,
and l am skeptical That is all.
Two things my friends often ask me: What
l should do if l saw Donald again, in the street
for instance, and if my present husband was
jealous of his predecessor. Answering the first
question: don't know. / have seen other in
dividuals within the last few months who con-
tributed to my unhappiness at one time, and
felt no unkindness toward them. even bowed
formally. Time was when | rather gloried in
the knowledge of them that l had when |
uantad them RI know that I knew and n he