davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
THE TURNING OF THE WORM
let Into a Declaration of
J independence.
Il don't know what | shall do"

J 1 don't know what | shall do.
Mrs. Wicket looked at her husband
sn the most abiect despair
Il am giving bridge party to-
might" she said. and Mrs. Daily has
Just telephoned-at the last moment,
of course-that she cannot come. That
EeATes one seat to fill, and | cannot
Ghink of any one who will come to fill
in"
1t would be an insult to ask any
body under the circumstances" re-
piled Mr.. Wicket How would it do"
he added. for me to take her place."
Mrs. Wicket thought.
You don't play very WELL" she
said at last
Il would do my best"
Naturally. But that wouldn't be
much OF a help. Then think it
would be rather embarrassing for the
Women-you know they wouldn't be
at their ease with a man around"
Maybe not"
We play for prize, and it wouldn't
be fair to those who sit at your table
Besides, you might win-the worst
player often does
That's so. Any more reasons?"
You are always awkward. you
know, dear, when there are only wo-
men present. 1t sort of-well-makes
you uneasy"
Wicket turned.
Il suppose" he said that you know
why offered to do thls?"
Why L"
i offered to do it out of the good
ness of my heart. | did not want to
no 1t. did it because | thought it
might help you out os a dilemma
cannot think of anything that is so Ut
eerly distasteful to me as sitting down
AT a bridge game with a lot of silly
women. | thank Heaven every hour
of the day and night that | do not
know how to play bridge well. And
now, farewell"
Where are you going?"
I am going" replied Wicket In a
high voice, Ito have the time of my
life, for once in my life. have been
trying to please you so long and be I'M
selfish that it may be hard, but | shall
get along the best | can. | am going
90 the club. fill up and roll home just
about the moment that you are dis
tributing the prizes to your guests;
and l am only sorr" that you are 60
sng to be short. for | should like to
let as many women in this neighbor-
hood as possible know that there is
one man in it who has at last thrown
Noff the matrimonial yoke and hence
ffnrth proposes to do as he id
5 ;pleases."
SO saying Mr.. Wicket departed.
leaving behind him a wide wake of
anguish.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
A Kick for Consistency,

The commuter with grievance
opened the door of the general pas
senger agents department. pushed
aside the boy at the railing, and
stalked up to the chief clerks desk
and relieved himself as follows:
Maybe have no kick coming when
I go to the station on time every
morning for six weeks to catch the
sos train, only to find it from five to
ten minutes late. Maybe | haven't,
say. But when | get there two min
utes late on the first morning of the
seventh week only to see the rear end
of the train disappearing cityward,
then, by thunder, I have kick com
ing. and I'm here to register it,"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
THE FUNNY STREAK
OTHERWISE KNOWN AS A "KEEN
SENSE OF HUMOR."
Quality Every Man Insists He Pcs
sesses, and, Worst Of All, Per-
sists In Inflictng II on
His Neighbors.


sense or humor is something
wiilch every man possesses in a super
latiVe degree. Men will admit they
nave no reverence, they will ill-treat
their wives. Guido their neighbors-
Will own up indeed to every crime in
the calendar, but not to being devoid
of sense of humor.
And, moreover. the sense of humor
belonging to every man is invariably
KEEN The most stolid. phlegmatic
person. who never gets near enough to
the point of joke to throw his hat
upon ii, will tell you, with tears in his
eyes, that he never would have been
able to live through all the things he
has lived through if it hadn't been for
his sense of humor.
The worst offender, however, is the
one who makes business of exploit
ing this universally assumed trait. He
takes you aside in kind of joyous
confidence.
81 couldn't begin to tell you" he de-
clares. "all the funny things ! see.
don't know why it is"-this with an
air as If it were a heaven-sent gift
which he, modestly, is in no sense re-
sponsible for-"but anything funny
real funny-appeals to me. If l could
only remember to set them down! But
somehow / never think of it at the
time"
He then proceeds to tell you Of an
incident that happened to himself
personally. You have heard the story
perhaps ten years back-so far back.
indeed, that you have almost forgotten
it. But you wouldn't let your friend
know that for the world.
Why is 1t that man, modest in
other respects-who, if he saved an
others life, would conceal it-boldly
and unblushingly talks about his
wonderful sense of humor without the
slightest compunction?
Next to him comes the young girl Of
the family; let us call her dear Mabel.
You've seen Mabel, of course?
"Do you know" her mother declares,
that child sees the funny side Of
everything. You just ought to hear
her. No matter where she goes. it is
always the same! Why, last night we
sat up listening to her while she en-
| tertained us with what she saw on
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
VALUE OF COAL TAR
FOUNDATION FOR TWO HUNDRED
SEPARATE SUBSTANCES.
Wonderful Chemical Triumph in the
Working Up of Useful Products
from Material Formerly
Considered "Waste."

Few are familiar with the COM
pleteness with which former wasted
elements of coal are recovered and
transformed into valuable products in
the manufacture of Solvay coke.
1t is not so long ago that gas works
were paying to have one of these by.
products, then called a waste-product.
carted away from the works. This was
tar. Not only was no revenue derived
from it, but it actually cost money
to get rid of it. Now, this tar is one
Of the valuable by-products in coke
making. From every ton of coal con-
verified into coke about nine gallons Of
coal tar are produced, and the history
of chemistry tells of no more skillful
work than was done in working up
useful and valuable products from
this black sticky mass.
Over 200 separate substances have
been isolated from tar. OF the first
Importance are anthracene and naph-
thalene. Anthracene, in a pure state.
is beautiful yellow crystal, and is
the starting point for a series of the
well-known coal tar dyes. Naphtha-
lene is also the basis of a series Of
dyes, but is better known in the form
of moth-balls. Although coal tar is
black, the naphthalene comes out of
1t as white as snow
Two other important products OBJ
tanned from the tar are carbolic and
crysylic acids. The uses of these two
products as disinfectants and germi-
cides need no description. But there
Is another use for carbolic acid which
is not so generally known, viz, that
Transforming of it into picric acid by
treatment with concentrated nitric
acid The picric acid is the base for
deadly high explosives" And, strange
ly enough, after you have shot a man
to pieces with picric acid, you can
allay his pain with the same thing. for
picric acid has a place in surgery
Books have been written on the
products obtained from coal tar, but
here we can but touch upon the sub.
Ject, and we may conclude with the
mere mention of creosote oil for pre-
serving timber, etc, of pitch for roofs
and for roads, of pyridine for denatur-
| ing alcohol, We must leave untouched
| the great number of complex chem
icals which are either used them.
selves or are transformed into other
substances in a never-ending cycle.
Besides the tar, every ton of coal
made into Solvay coke produces about
| five and One-half pounds of pure am
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
Who Esau Mas.

One of class in a certain Sunday
school of Hartford is a lad whose ia
Their is a publisher.
During one lesson touching certain
Biblican characters this boy was
asked:
"Who was Esau?"
After a moments reflection the
yonngster offered this unique an.
ever:
book of fables. He sold it to Messrs
Pottage.'
Richard the longhesd.
up 70 the age of 16 Dick had re-
tanned the proper scorn of things
feminine. Then he went to a dane
ing school and was snitten by the
charms of several youthful Ewes. Ac-
cording'y, Dick approached his ia.
Their and required theater tickets for
two
Father complied, and merely asked
as he turned over the seats, Which
girl is it?'
I'm going to take Mabel Dick re-
sponded,
Then she's the one you like best ,
father continued.
Dick turned superior and pitying
eye upon his parent oh, no. l don't
like her best. You don't understand
the situation. father. 1t isn't the girl
| care about. It's the experience I
want"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
How Il Happened.

Flows this?" remarked the tall Of
fee boy with the newspaper. Here is
where an educated monkey ran a sew
ing machine"
Jaw, that's nothing" sneered the
short office boy. Yesterday | saw
a mouse run a typewriter"
Come off What are you giving
me? Where did this happen?"
Right in the old mans Office. The
mouse came from under the desk and
made for the pretty typewriter. and
she's running yet"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
He Spoke Too Soon.

A wellknown business man attended
his daughters commencement exer.
cises at an eastern college recently
He had been greatly pleased with the
beauty and dignity OF the exercises.
and was discoursing to his wife upon
the refining influences Of college life.
suddenly his impressive. monolosue
was cut short. A girl. In can Ana
gown. came dashins down the sten.
Of the main hail. waving her diplons
and shouting: Educated. b. eoeAis
Ladder Home journal. 7'1
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
colombIa's Coal FIelds,

The coal fields Of Colombia are well
placed to take advantage Of the mar
k4ss which win b made available b.
tAo Panams canal.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
Oh, Eudoei

Four times in one half hour I rose
From my much needed slumber
TO go downstairs and tell some one:
Nope, you've got the wrong number"
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02

A real salesman is one part talk
and nine parts judgment, and he uses
the nine parts of judgment to tell
whom to use the. one part OF talk.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02

The average man wants his club
10 have all the comforts Of home and
wants his homo to have all the com
UVto q . club.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1909-11-02
IT'S EASY TO TRADE HERE.

For everything 10 marked In plain
figures. Then Its easy TO pay for what
you buy for the priees-just what the
goods cost At the ssetory-eut former
priees In half. :.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
SOLDIER SAYS HE WAS
ATTACKED BY TWO MEN

a. Dolphin, aged 50, machinist by
trade. was arrested at midnight SatiIr-
day by Patrolmcn Kast and Cuff, but
no charge was preferred. It is alleged
by Walter Hoffman. private of the Fif-
tecnth infantry, that as he came from
a Commercial street saloon. lingling Il
few small coins IN his pocket, he was
attacked by two men, Dolphin and a
companion, the latter being attired in
white duck trousers bespattered with
blood.
Hoffman alleges that the man In the
whito trousers drew n knife and made
as IL to attack him. Hoffman said that
he took to his heels. running south on
Commercial street until he reached Sec.
ond South street, when he met some
soldier friends. Tho soldiers then
turned and took after the pursuers.
The man with the bloody trousers had
disappeared. but the soldiers fell upon
Dolphin and held him down until the
officers arrived
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
CASE OF GREAT INTEREST
IN RAILROAD CIRCLES

WASHINGTON, April 17.-Applying
for such construction of the railroad
employees liability act of April 90,
1908, as shall give the fullest effect de-
fined bv congress, Attorney General
Wickersbam has obtained leave to file
brief in support of the constitutional
ity of that act in Il case brought under
it by Grace Watson, administrators of
the estate of Il, M. Watson, deceased,
against the st. Louis, Iron Mountain s.
Southern railroad.
The case is pending in tho federal
circuit court for the eastern district of
Arkansas. Watson, fireman on the
Iron Mountain road, was killed in Il col
lision while on duty, and the complaint
alleges that the company and Watson s
locomotive were engaged in interstate
commerce. The railroad III its dcmur-
rcr contended that the act was uncon-
stitutional because it made a railroad
liable TO any employee engaged in in.
terstate commerce for the negligence OF
employees engaged in local commerce
as well as employees not engaged in
commerce at all.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
UNIQUE ENGINEERING
ON THE PANAMA CANAL

WASHINGTON, April l7-Omcials
in charge of the Isthmian canal work
reported TO the war department that
some of the most unique engineering
projects in the entire construction have
Just been undertaken Ono is the ex-
cavation below sea level in the Mindi
hills, near the Atlantic entrance TO the
canal, and the other is the dredging
from Limon bay ut the mouth of the
canal on the Atlantic side to the Miudi
hills. The dredging is made difficult
by reason of the fact that for two miles
the channel runs through bed of silt
overlying argillaceous sandstone. The
excavation below sea level is being car
ried on by means of two pumps keeping
the cut dry.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
EXCITING CHASE ENDS
IN MURPHY'S CAPTURE

An exciting chase down Main street
at 1880 o clock Saturday night-Pa-
trolman Pierce after Patrick Murphy
eliminated III the arrest of Murphy at
the corner of Second South street. He
was charged with disturbing tho peace.
1t is alleged that Murphy used abus-
i've and protane language on an incom-
ing Warm Springs car, and could not
be induced TO desist, When the car
came 10 a standstill on the corner OF
grabbed Murphy and called for ar Of
ficcr- Before Patrolman Pierce ar
rived, however, Murphy ierked himself
loose from tho street ear man and ran
down Main street, followed by Patrol
man Pierce and an excited crowd An
unknown man stopped Murphy at the
corner of Second South and held him
until the patrolman arrived.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
City and Neighborhood

MR.. AND MRS. T. NJ. SOLOMON are
the guests of Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Cohn
MRS. LOTTIE p. WHITE OF Salt Lake
is visiting her father, u. l.. Williams, In
Ogden.
MISS HELEN COIN, who has been
visiting relatives In New York for sew
day.
STATE AUDITOR JESSE d. IEWKEs
went 10 OraDgevllc, Emery county, his
old home, Saturday night TO bring his
family TO Salt Lake City TO live.
AT 7. NJ TODAY, Rev. Dr. II. We
lenske of Celeveland. o.. will lecture at
the Congregation Monteflore synagogue.
Subject: The Burning Bush All mem
bers and the public invited,
THE LADIES OF the Socialist local OF
Salt Lake City Will give Il social dance at
Labor hall. on Fourth South and State
streets, Wednesday evening, April u.
Excellent music will start the dancing at
$50 o'clock.
TO RECOVER $3.50. alleged to be due
on promissory note, dated September
., 1905, and due III SIX months, with In
terest at the rate OF per cent :. r.
Earnest brought suit against II. II Dor
sey in tho third district court Satur
day.
ENOs MILLS. connected with the ma
tonal forestry department. will be IN
Salt Lake City the first OF this week. ac-
Christensen. superintendent of the city's
public schools, and arrangements Will be
made for Mr. Mills to make an address
10 the supervisors and principals of the
city's schools. Mr.. Mllss subject Will
be along the line OF reforestation,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
RAILWAY ACCIDENTS
CAN BE ELIMINATED

SAN BERNARDINO. Cal, April II
That railway accidents can be almost
eliminated was the sentiment expressed
by members OF "A party OF Santa Fe off,
cials, including President L. Z. Ripley.
who spent the entire day at the plant
operated by j. j. Simmer, at Pcrris.
MIR, Ripley passed through this city on
inspection tour through California, Ora-
gon and Washington. Together with Mr.,
Wells, the party went over the appa-
on its eighteen mile branch line between
Perrs and High Grove. near this city.
BY means Of third rail for n half-mile
on either side Of stations, the dispatcher
has entire control over the train and can
bring II 10 Il stop at wlll If the engineer
does not do so ON signal.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
AutoiSt Is Arrested,

Night Watchman C. c. Riley worked
a clever ruse upon a speedy automobile
driver late Saturday night, which re-
Waterman Riley saw an automobile fly
up South Temple street at the rate of
about thirty miles per hour, he said.
Realizing that there was no chance to
stop the flying machine, he waited an
til the machine returned at a slower
rate of speed, when he called to the
occupants of the machine that chain
was dragging. The machine stopped,
and the night watchman took posses
sion of the machine. Mr. Arnold was
released on $25 bail.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
TAWNEY TO INTRODUCE
CENSUS APPROPRIATION

WASHINGTON, April 17.-Thc cen
sus appropriation providing Sl0,000,000
for the expense incident to the first two
wears of the collection of data for the
thirteenth census will be introduced
Monday by Representative Tawncy,
chairman OF the appropriations commit
tee. The total estimate of the expense
for obtaining the census will be $1l,
900 900.
The bill also will provide for several
deficiency appropriations. Tt has been
suggested that one of these would be
for the sum of S25 900 for the travelling
expenses Of the president.
Mr.. Tawney, however, says he has
received no communication asking for
this appropriation and that lie will
therefore not include it in the census
bill
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
WILLIAM e. BAINBRIDGE
ENDS LIFE IN PARIS

PARIS, April 17.-William Z. Balm
bridge, a special agent of the United
States treasury department, who has
been attached To the consulate here,
ing. it is believed Mr., cambridge was
temporarily insane.
William Z. Bainbridgc, who was from
Iowa, was second secretary Of the
American legation at Pcking eight
years ago. lie resigned from the diplo-
matte service in 1908. In March, 1908,
he declined the American consulsbip ut
Annoy. China, and was nfterward APP
pointed to he special customs agent OF
tho United States at Paris,
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
MRS. SCOTT STANDING
ON HER OWN MERITS

WASHINGTON, April 17.-Mrs,
Matthew T. Scott, administration ]"
candidate for president.general of the
D. \. r.. today issued a statement out
lining her platform. She declares she
'Stnkes her stand sQuarely on the con
stitution, and will uphold that Iustru
ment as it now stands or as it may
hereafter be amended. -
Mrs. Scott says she is proud to have
the support of $50 grand an American
rs the one now going out Of office, -
yet she wishes it distinctly understood
that if she is elected she must be ac-
ccpted with her own individuality.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
In Hotel Corridors

MR.. AND MRS. MARTIN TAYLOR.
who were guests Saturday Mt the Ken
yon. stopped in Salt Lake TO visit its
points of interest during their trans
continental tour.
W. F. SHELTON and william waten-
hall of Shiprock, n. NJ, arc guests at
the Wilson.
GEORGE NJ KING, the popular
room clerk at the Wilson, will leave
on April 90 for Lake Placer, n. Y Tho
smiling countenaDce of Joseph +. Mot
tie, for the last four months the night
clerk at the Kenyon, will be seen after
that date IN the place of Mr.. King at
The Wilson.
JOHN II. CLARKE OF the United
States forest reserve is a guest at the
Cullen.
ROBERT j. COLEMAN. prominent
mining engineer of Los Angeles, is a
guest at the Knutsfrod.
AMONG THE GUESTS at the Viii
son are c. B. Everett and wife Of Fort
Worth. Tex; Mr.: and Mrs. IL. Lee Nal
lory Of New York and w. A, Graves
and wife of Minneapolis.
MIR. AND MRS. HARRY PATTER-
SON Of Toronto, Canada, are guests of
the knutsford,
MIR. AND MRS. C.. T.. STEWART OF
Willard, Utah, Irc among the guests
at the Kenyon.
e. o. GREEN of whiterock, Utah,
is At the Cullen.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
McENERY PROPOSES
PATENT LAW CHANGES

WASHINGTON. April 1T.-An amend
ment 10 the patent laws is proposed by
Senator McE,nery. who has introduced q
bin excepting from seizure for debt OF
any kind letters patent or any interest
In them, issued by the United States.
the ownership OF which is vested in the
original inventor or conveyor of the thing
patented.
Exception is made, however. Ia debts
voluntarily contracted by the original In
vcntor by mortgage. hypothccatlon, or
pledge of such letters patent. II is also
provided that the exemption shall not
apply 10 the proceeds arising from the
sale of the letters patent nor TO any
product of them ''In whole or part. that
may be dissociated rrom such letters
patent"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE SUNDAY MORNING. APRIL 49, 1909
FREE TO
ASTHMA Sufferers

We want every sufferer from Asthma
20 write us today for free trial Of our
wonderful New Method for curing Asth-
long standing which havo tried oll the
various kinds OF inhalers. douches and
patent smokes without number and with
out relief. Wo know can cure them.
We want to and are willing to prove 1t
absolutely FREQ OF cost. Many thousands
have accepted this opportunity and are
now cured. There is no reason why any
one, old or youpg. rich or poor. should
continue to suffer from Asthma after
reading this marvellous offer.
FRONTIER ASTHMA CO.,
Room 11W, Niagara and Hudson Streets,
RTTE1SAI,O n
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18

Peruna frees the stomach Of catarrhal
congestions and normal digestion is the
result.
In other words, Peruna goes to the
bottom of the whole difficulty, when
the disagreeable symptoms disappear
Mrs. j. G. Jamison, 81 Marchant street,
Watsonville, Cal, writes:
81 was troubled with my stomach for
six years. l tried many kinds of medi-
cine, also was treated by three doctors.
''They said that I had nervous dys-
pepsia, / was put on a liquid diet for
three months.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
NO CURTAILMENT IN
PRODUCTION OF COPPER

BUTTE, Mont, April 17-John D..
Ryan, managing director of the Anal
gamatcd Copper company, stated this
evening that there would be no curtail-
ment Of the copper output of the Butte
mines, as far as he was able to Judge
at the present time, and that the out
put of tho Amalgamated mines at the
present time is normal. Mr Ryan re-
turned to Butte this evening from New
Work
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
Undoubtedly Works
Wonders for Sick
Men

II is presumed to be iufsllibc and
highly efficient IN quickly restoring health
and strength TO those suffering from
nervous exhaustion weak vitality mel
ancholia and the functions.
First get fifty cents worth OF compound
fluid balmwort In q one-ouncc package
and three ounces syrup sarsaparilla COM
pound; take home, mix and let stand TWO
hours. then get one ounce compound cs-
sence cardio. aud one ounce tinctuTc cad
omenc compound. (not cardamom). Mix
all In a six or cight-ouncc bottle. shake
well, and take one tcaspoonful after each
meal and one when retiring. followed by
a drink OF water.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-04-18
Breaking the News.

Patrick arrived home much the worse
for wear. one eye was closed his noso
was broken, and his face looked as
though il had been stung by bees.
GLORY bcm exclaimed his wife
''Thot Dutchmau Schwartzheimer-
twas him." explained Patrick.
"Sbame on yc"' exploded his wife with
out sympathy. "A big shalpeen the loiles
OF you 10 get bate UP by a littcl omad.
houn of Dootchman the size Of him!
WHY
"Whist. Nora" said Patrick, don't
spal5e dIsrcspectfully OF the dead'-Ev-
cl'ybody'S Magazine.