davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR
[From the New York Press.1

Ground floor investments seem to
have mighty deep cellars under them.
The way to become able to afford to
keep an automobile is never to do it.
A most awful disappointment when
you kiss a mans sister in the dark
is to have her turn out to be your
own.
A woman has such an imagination
that if her head were as bald as ivory
she could think it only appeared so.
The most pride a mother has about
the baby is that if it weighed three
pounds more and was an inch and a
half shorter it would exactly fit some
scientific theory.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
HUMOR or THE Day

| Narrow Escape.-The old lady had had
severe illness and she was relating it's
vicissitudes to a friend or two in the gro
GERS shop when the minister came in.
ITS only by the Lords mercy" she
| tonight. "-Mancheste Guardian.
| A Bit of MISUNDERSTANDING you told
II S Sef to hold his jO b ho
did he take it? Department Manageable
got his back up right away.-Chicago
Tribune.
Poor Chap waiting in drawing-room)-I
say, Marie. did you give Miss Gotrox my
%nat aid she says The Sha aod
me to tell you, sir, that she was sorry she
gas yas not I'll in 49, Poor Ghapmoh, very well
call.-Chicago Daily News.
Born for Business.-Jinks-Havey you Sc
winks-I shall make a plumber of him.
Jinks-Has he a bent that way? Winks-
He's born for it.. Tell him to do a thing
again for a week.-Tit-Bits.
When Wives Take Notice.-A man kin
tn papers. sew even git elected Gov'nor. an
yet. not make his. wife set up an take
nDasst iii Herald Si0 Dill
Our Last Address-Lawyer. Ito witness)
bNow then Mr. Murphy giye us your
dunno: but it'll be the cimitery O'm
thinkin Boston Transcript.
e very wei nne and T wSss
Weary Husband;-Mrs. Chatty tafter the
favorite flower? Mr.. chafty 'n tme es f
Any one that shuts up at night-Cleveland
Leader.
Willing to Risk It.-Cecile-Professor, do
you believe there are miracles in kisses?
The Professor.I don't know: but 1t is a
gte.-Journal Amusant.
Cane, lis my photograph with my two
French Fl poodiies. You recognize me. eh?.'
the o one With t Id ba sg s ar Won
Philadelphia Inquirer.
Absent Minded,,-".You say the cook that
force Of habit. you know; forgot she was
Our Thinking Classes.-Augustus-H
Fweddie, what are you doing? Fweddie--
Oh. just making a few mental notes, deah
boy!-Punch-
kitty said her mother. rebukingly,
table, IT can't mamma" protested the
little girl, I'm figetarian.
Tribune
Happy Pupii.-Pupil Ito private tutor)-
Teacher. my hour is up. Teacher (who has
Just become engaged)-I am so happy to-
day, my boy, that / am going to give you
an extra holf-hour free!-F1iegende Blat-
ter.
Those Finer Things.-'In short, sir, we
go in far too little for what Matthew
Arnold calls sweetness and light" 1T
don't see that-sugar and oil are the two
biggest trusts we support. Life.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

City authorities are considering the
advisability of levying a special tax
on the milk sold in Topeka to pay the
expenses of the inspection now accord
ed it. Although the suggested tax is
but mill on a gallon of milk it will
probably furnish the milk dealers with
an excuse for again boosting the price
of milk which is now at the fancy f1g-
ure OF eight cents a quart.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Baron Gwydyr. born in 1910 and who.
until the time of his recent death, was
the oldest member of England's peer
age, was different from most old fell
lows. He attributed his longevity to
moderation in eating and drinking and
abstinence from tobacco. Generally, a
centenarian insists that his long life
resulted from eating and drinking
whatever he pleased and from using to-
bacco by the carload
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

nee county, Kansas, which was over
flowed for about four weeks in the
Kansas river flood in June, 1908, with
out being materially damaged. On an
adjacent tract, planted in the spring of
1908, the newly planted seedlings were
completely submerged for an entire
week. Some of the leaves were killed
and the growth of the trees temper
arily checked. as a result of the flood
ing, but the trees were not killed.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Congressman Vic Murdoch has made
another bid for insurgency with GER
tain of his confreres in the house of
representatives through the introduce
ton of a bill calling upon several of
the states to pay back the SIS, 600 900
which was loaned them by the federal
government many years ago. This
money would come in handy to take
the place of the $29. 100000 fine against
the Standard Oil company which gov
ernment officials Were figuring on.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Something new in the way of cru
sades conducted by women is in the
air at Bayonne, New Jersey. In an eff
Mort to keep their husbands from
playing poker and other games of
chance they have organized an anti
gambling society and have started in
to make personally conducted raids
on alleged gambling houses. Their
nrst one was a success but they could
aame themselves whole lot OF trou-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
FRON OTHER PENS
PEOPLE AND ExTRAvAGANcE.

PEOPLE AND EXTRAvAGANCE.
A remark made by Senator Aldrich
is interpreted by Washington cores
pondents as indicative of his intention
to discover a way of making revenues
meet expenditures without resortins
to "any special taxation schemes.
This means that he will seek to bring
about economies sufficient to render
customs collections and internal rev.
enues adequate to the needs of the
government. All this is interesting.
Economies that would not materially
affect the efficiency of the public SER
vice are possible. If the naval appro-
priation were reduced from $137.000,-
900 to 100000; If the amount set
down for military purposes now in
the lump $120,000,O00 We're cut down
by one-sixth there would be $4,000
900 less of the taxpayers money de-
manded for these two services alone.
Then again, if towns of two thou
sand inhabitants were denied public
buildings costing from 100000 to
100000 there would be still further
appreciate saving. But would the
people stand for rigorous economy
There is the rub since congress in
some Of it's profusion has been mere
" representative. Towns are apt to
gauge a congressman's power by his
ability to crafty their desire for pub
lie buildings. There is at times an
enQGdVOI 10 SduOl0 vi lH0 udtlOu
charges that should be borne by the
states. People like to see the results
of great expenditures, even if they
grumble when the bills come in. The
American people have their share in
the responsibilities for the costliness
of our government and if expenditures
are to be cut down $50,000.000 or $780,
100000 they must be prepared to go
without something they have hereto
fore had for the asking.-Boston
Transcript.
THE FACTOR OF QUALITY.
Mr.. Charles M. Schwab, expressing
his cheerful approval of reduced steel
schedules, suggests factor in such
considerations which, though it is lit
tie likely to find expression in the
course of tariff debate, is familiar
enough as a mighty influence in the
promotion of trade and industry. That
factor is quality of the goods. 1t is
safe to assert as general principle
that the better the product the small
in the universal competition. 81 know
nothing about other lines, but I
know that American laborers can pro-
duce more steel in given time and
can put out better steel than any 9TH
er workmen in the world says Mr..
Schwab. Possessed of that confidence,
he has no doubt of the triumph of
American industry in free competi-
ton. I'VE have nothing to fear by
a cut in tariff, because we have the
best goods. he asserts.
Every business man, every manu-
facturer, will recognize the force of
such an argument. The wage prob
lem becomes secondary as soon as
that principle is determined. The
most skillful workmen are bound to
receive the highest wages, and Mr..
Schwab declares no new truth, reveals
no sudden discovery. when he reminds
us that the highest paid labor is the
cheapest to the employer. Indiffer-
ent workmanship may require protec-
ton against "pauper labor" but the
product of quality may. be depended
upon to pay the cost of quality wages
without a subsidy.-Providenc Jour-
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Reports have it that Mary Garden,
the grand opera prima donna, is to
marry a titled gent answering to the
name of Prince Mavrocordato. She can
we'll afford it as long as her voice holds
out and she is able to gather in $1,000
a night for her every appearance on
fhe stage
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

save themselves a whole lot of trou-
ton of John Franklin Fort, governor
OF New Jersey, to the fact that gam
bling rooms are running in Bayonne.
He made fine success of driving the
gamblers out of Atlantic City
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

A rather discouraging thought comes
from London Health 1t says: "The
ideal man does not exist; perhaps one
who has a fine liver has bunion, and
in most of us there is a screw loose
GorneNhere"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

On an actual capitalization of about
$70,0o0,000 the Standard Oil company is
reputed to have made one billion dol
lars in the last q years. And a read
ing of John D. Rockefeller's reminis-
censes which have been appearing in
The Worlds Work, would lead one to
believed that every cent of this money
has been earned honestly and with
nothing but fair and square dealing
above board. Still there are some per-
sons who will be bit skeptical.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
Death for Fat and Lazy.

Officials of the zoo, in the BrOnZ,
have learned in taking a census of the
prairie dogs that the older members
of their colony are not allowed by the
younger to live when they get fat and
lazy.
A yea rago the keepers missed sew
era1 well-known seniors. At first 1T
was supposed a new settlement had
been founded somewhere outside the
old Enclosure. The entire corral was
dug up and the concrete wall. which
is built down to considerable depth,
was inspected, but there were no holes
by which the dogs might escape un-
derground.
Puzzle: What became of the miss
ing elderly members Of the colony?
Curator Raymond L. Ditmars order
ed that the old, portly fellows be
marked for Identification. The annual
census revealed that the settlement
had increased seventy in population;
also that eleven Of the elderly chaps
marked for Identification were not in
evidence. Only one death had been
officially reported
The investigation was pushed and
1t resulted in the discovery that the
old dogs are not allowed to have their
day, but are made away with on the
Oslerization principle. possibly. 1t
was learned as we'll that the bodies
Of the removed" members are placed
in catacombs-the unused tunnels
and the openings sealed, so that their
whereabouts is traced with difficulty
by the two-legged investigators.-New
York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Uncle Jim Hill declares that the re-
turn of prosperity depends upon
prompt tariff action and the crops. In
dications are that the crops can be
depended upon as usual to do their
duty. but as to a prompt and efficient
revision of the tariff. we'll, as Rudyard
Kipling would say, THAT is another
syfor-v's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

1Oklahoma's militianen may be fine
fighters but their difficulty seems to
be that they cannot get near enough
to their quarry to show just how
brave they are. Great must have
been their regret over their inability
to get near enough to one lone Indian,
Crazy Snake, for the purpose of DEM
onstrating just what they are ca
pable of doing on a battlefield. It
really is too bad that they have aban-
doned the chase. Their battle with
this Indian would have been a mem
orable event to have chronicled in
the history Of state where strange
and unusual things are always in the
doing
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Although Mr.. Roosevelt is now a
private citizen and is a few thousand
miles away from Washington, he is
getting as much daily notoriety in the
newspapers as he did WIFI he was the
chief executive of the nation.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

"Billy Possums" will be interested
to know that several dozen "Teddy
Bears" persisted the other day in
fire in New York City.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Fredericksburg Va, is dry town
now for the first time in its history.
All OF which goes to show that cities
like men are never too old to learn.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRES!

The State Journal is a member of the
Associated Press ard receives the full day
telegraph report of that great news or
ganization for the exclusive afternoon
publication in Topeka.
The news is received in The State Jour-
nal building over wires for this sole pur-
pose.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Kansas farmers who have held onto
considerable of their wheat ought to
be feeling pretty fine these days. The
grain buyers are paying $1.15 bushel
for it.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
RebuLe to Churches.

A preacher enrolled in the Emman-
uel church movement Sunday occu-
pied the pulpit at Yale for the first
time when the Rev. DIR. Elwood Wor-
cester. of Boston, spoke here. He said
that under the Emmanuel movement
nearly everything can now be cured
but broken bones. He reproved the
orthodox churches for keeping their
doors open only one day of the week.
He said:
eff Jesus Christ went through the
streets seeking to heal the sick and
suffering on week days, He would find
the churches closed and the liveliest
sign of activity would be that of the
undertaken in his efforts to bury peo-
ple.''-New Haven dispatch to New
York Times.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
Duty of Newspapers.

1T is not only the right, but the
duty and office, OF newspapers to free
ly criticise men in public places" said
Justice William J. Gaynor, of the ap-
pellate division of the supreme court
Saturday in his address at the laying
OF the cornerstone of the Press Clubs
new building.
essential of free country was the
main theme of what the justice had to
say. He also showed his faith in the
worthiness of the press to have such
freedom by what he said concerning
the improvement of newspapers in the
last two decades, and about the high
standards of decency and intelligence
OF newspaper men, who had securely
placed journalism among the profess
sions.
tice Gaynor. Sin which the press
should be all powerful, and that is in
the exercise of its function to give the
true size and motives of those who
are classed as demagogues, whether
Justly or unjustly. This they do by
fair and pungent statement and query.
The press must be all-powerful to
classify political humbugs who set
themselves up as statesmen and put
them in group by themselves, where
they can be easily distinguished.
They are now, and have been for
several years going up and down the
country" said he, "denouncing what
they call trusts and aggregations of
capital with voices like the bull of
Bashan, without telling what a trust
Is, or what the trouble or the evil or
the wrong is, so that it may be dealt
with and removed. They do not say
a concrete thing. Promiscuous and
indefinite denunciation is all we have
ever got from them. They bawl out
against every large business that it
is a monopoly.
"In their public conduct public Off
Gals are justly held up by the press to
the fullest publicity. In no other way
can low, base, and corrupt government
be lifted up and made decent and kept
so. And in this the press has come,
on the whole, to be fair and honor
able. The men OF your profession
draw a correct line between criticism
and abuse."-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
Pope's Priceless Clothes.

The most costly wardrobe in the world
belongs, without a doubt. to the pope.
Etiquette compels him to wear different
garments each day Of the year, and as
nearly all of them are ornamented with
rich and rare gems, no millionaire could
hope to purchase them. even If a value
could be placed on them. The pope's
little skull caps are Of the finest Silks
while his embroidered slippers of velvet
are gorgeous to look at. Still more
costly are his gloves, made of white
wool. embroidered with fine pearls in
the shape of a cross.
A special herd of so sheep is kept from
which all the papal wooden garments are
manufactured. The surplices are of
the most valuable and beautiful lace,
while one long cape, the "cappa
magma" which is rarely worn, hangs
straight from the shoulders, and lit
orally CLEANS from top to bottom with
gold and precious stones. The rings too
which the pope wears are priceless, con-
tanning as they do many stones Of
matchless quality.-Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06
Coloring of a Water snake.

Among snakes even partial albinism
is rare, while wholly white individuals
are unknown. Considerable interest
therefore attaches to an account of a
common water snake of the former
type recently given by G. Tornice in
Berlin natural history journal The
specimen, which was obtained in the
neighborhood of Berlin and is pre-
served in the museum of that city. is
not altogether colorless, although
much of the coloring is very pale On
the back are a number of brownish
red spots There is also a pale yell
lowish neckband with a blackish
brown band behind 1t. In the eye the
iris presents a number of yellowish
brown pigment spots and the pupil is
mainly dark red. Very noteworthy is
the fact that the tongue is white in
stead of the normal black.-Field.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

When Wives Take Notice.-A man kin
perform deeds o. va1or, git his name in
tn papers. even git elected Gov'nor. an
yet not make his wife set up an take
notice like when he gives her $40 bill
unaskt for.-Louisville Herald.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Weary Husband.-Mrs Chatty (after the
light is OUTPUT, John. which is your
favorite flower? Mr.. Chatty (meanly)-
Leader.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Our Last Address.-Lawyer Ito witness)
Now then. Mr.. Murphy. give us your
dunno: but it'll be the cimitery O'm
thinkin'. Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

He Bewares.-" Widow and window
are very much alike" well, and what s
the answer" when I get near either
I always look out."-Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Willing to Risk Observation-Disclosures, do
you believe there are miracles in kisses?
The Professor-I don't know; but It is a
gte.-Journal Amusant.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-04-06

Born for Business.-Jinks-Have you Sc
lected trade or profession for your boy?
Winks-I shall make a plumber of him.
He's born for it. Tell him to do thing
Immediately, and he won't think of it
again for a week.-Tit-Bits.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-02-24
CLAIMS CARMACk
hid BEHIND
WOMAN
COT. COOPER DESCRIBES rRAo.
EpV WHEN EX-SENATOR
FELL-pENlEs THREAT.

NASHVILLE. Team. tNsb. a.
ny U. P.-~Cot Duncan Cooper toos
The stand today In the trial u him
self and his son. Robin. Cor the xiii
inc OF Senator Carmack. and told
81 the fatal encounter.
The colon.i sald he fset carraack
ard spoke 30 him. Vie said Car.
mack Immediately reached for his
pistol and iumped behind Mrs
Eastman
q reuemhos saying sonnet hing
about DANA coward Who wonId
hide behind a woman. but | aid not
say I've got you. said the wit.
nana
lie eorrolorated the testimony
~ Robin regarding tha number Of
shots fired. and declared that he
did not draw hls rwvolven until MF
CArmAek had fired a. Robin. hy
the time be had taken his revolver
out. he said. the shooting vas all
aver.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-02-24
TOLD THAT SHE.
IS A VICTIM
KANSAS WOMAN INVESTED IN
AN OSTRICH Farm AT
SEATTLE.

Mra. Martha e. Pickina. ~ Win.
field. Kansas. has written to Mayor
Miller that she and othera IN the
state had been invelgled Into bus
ing blocks af stock In the American
Ostrich company She wants 20
know about the company.
Az result 81 his investigation
the mayor had Go write 60 Mrs
Pichiha that she had heen stang.
or something 10 that effect
The police have learned as the re-.
suit OF an Investigation that the
company has disappeared from ita
elegant offices IN the Empire build.
ing. lts officers are scattered. the
furniture Ia held by a storage com.
pany for unpaid charges. aud as
near "a can be- estimated the gul
ilhle public Is out about $4,000.
The company brohe intn print
two years ago with promise of a
MAGNIFICENT ostrich farm near
Green Lake. II sold stock 70 all
who would buy. and from the Pc
lea records II can ne said that u
sold bots OF stock.
Il il estimated that fully $1,000
worth % stock was sold direct 60
seattle people
No dividends have been declared
and the nearest the company ever
came 90 owning an ostrich was
when Il bought a picture Of the bird
Of plumage with which % adorn
its elaborate stationery, which. BY
the way. waa really a work OF art.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-02-24
WOMEN ARE
FRIGHTE

What y. A. tiaumit1. an eauploye
81 Cernlds CAf~. az First av. and
Marion 81. thinks IL another dep-
radiation 20 the gang of bad boys
tnfesting Capitol and Rentan hills
ecrerTrd last Monday mornsng, whsn
Mrs Gammitn discovered providers
IN her house Al SIS 18th az.
NAumltN goes 20 work AZ 8
o'ciock tn thr morning. and Monday
when Ne arose he heard sounds
which convinced him that some one
Vas rrowliaE Hboat down afaira
He lit the eiectric lights. and ran
g. hand went Ia search OF the In
truders Not a sight 81 them could
b. get
Thinking that they haa escaped.
~ left Tor his work
Scarcely had he Quit the hotvc
uhsn the sounds began anew. and
Mrs. Gautuits. becoming frightened.
Ean - an open window and yeiied
fpF help. Ncighbors came rushing
n. h0s meanwhile the boss escaped
~ running
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-02-24
Did NOT STEAL
THE WATCH

Jack Malone. who. With James
Mcknnald. was arrested Saturday
night charged with stealing a watch
from G. II fshanghail smith.
states that he did not steal the
watch and will prove In court that
ne IL not guilty of che charge placed
against him.
Malone claims that Smith owed
Dim sic. and that Smith only paid
him s2SA. He asked smith f1r the
remainder but was refused. lie
then asked Smith for hls watch as
security. Malone alleges Saith
gave him the watch which he IN.
tended 10 keep aHtil abe $40 was
paid
Judge Frazier has ordered that
Malone be produced In court TO
dotermine whether or not he shall
Be released On a writ OF haheas
GnrpuR
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1909-02-24
DOES NOT KNOW WHERE
HE is NOW

Otto nlanS. now in Akron. Ohio.
wants to know II he Ii attn held
In the lail here ou n charge uf IN
sanity. Az of which. contained
IA a rambling letter received at
Mayor Miller's office today. leads
the city officials 10 believe THAI
utto's head Is little on the blink.
The record shows that uianx was
arrested for insanity GA two or
thrive occasions a. ballard and re.
leased. and that he was next heard
from In the Tacoma bail. hrld On a
similar charge The authorities be.
lieve that BLANC wandered about
the country until ~ reached Akron.
ahere. hy sons strange uleniai
prDceaa. ~ conceived the Idea %
writing and asking whether he was
Etiil in Seattle.