Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-07-04
HOW SPECTATORS
RUN BALL GAMES
CuIIenesque Review of How
Fans Coach From
the Stand.
By Clarence L. Cullen.
N ExcIuSfypiv for The Star.

60
who know all about how to manage a
ball club, there are a lot of others
among us VINO know a heap more about
actually playing the game than the
players know or can ever hope to know.
Ye-eh.
our surname is wisenhein, and we
have got that Know Thing as to How
To Play The Game sewed up in q
Gunnysack and tossed into the Bos-
phorus.
We're the scientifics, that is to say.
We are jerry to ali of that inside stuff
that the players never even heard
about. The players, v know. can merely
play the old army game, the barnyard
game. whereas we. sitting up there in
the stand, leaning our ChinS on our
walking sticks. are hep every minute
10 little plays that the players bull
headedly overlook because they lack
instruction In and knowledge Of that
occult or esoteric stuff. whichever that
means.
Trouble Is that we have no private
way of communicating our subtle in
formation to the players as to how they
ought to play the game
We yell at EN- during critical occa-
sions in the game, telling them what we
know about 1t and what they don't
know, and advising them. for their
own good and for the good of the team,
just what to do to eXtricate themselves
and the club from the tight pinch Ia
which they find themselves.
But somehow OF another they don't
get our yells. They don't pay any attcn-
ton whatever to our yell numbers.
Maybe they don't hear US yelling our j.
vice. Maybe. too, they don't want to
hear us-for ball players. y'know. are
pigheaded. They hate to take advice,
and they like tn give out the impress
sion that they know almost as much
about the game as we on the stand
know: which, of course. is an idiotic
kind of fliv notion on their part.
Yep, it happens right along, when
We're there for the purpose of adjuring
them as to what they ought to do, and
obstinately refuse to be guided by what
we yell; and it follows as a perfect
matter of course that they lose games.
We feel just as confident as can be-,
So we do. that the team would have
pulled at least nine games out of thu
lire already this season if the players
had exercised the courtesy and the
good Judgment to listen to US when we
bawled at EN- during the progress of
these tossed games = tossed purely
through their own boneheadedness
After a while, it Is to be hoped, these
ivory-skulled ball players will wise up
to the fact that, for the inside dope on
the game, We've got it on EN- forty
ways ana more, anu luen IHey IL llStcH
TO us, mayhap, when we toss our little
nuggets of sage base ball advice at
them during the tight pinches of the
game.
Ye-es, they will,
Just for example: Often when the bats
man attempts TO lay one down when
there's a man on first and nobody out,
why. we consider the batsman's conduct
perfectly imbecie. not to say asinine, and
ipyariahla custom in SffCl cases
TO say so right out loud.
We can't help it.
1t inks US to see the batsman trying to
dump one when we know that he really
ought to lean on the ball.
And so we tell him what we think In a
tone that often leaves US extremely
hoarse by the time the game is over.
''Aw-r-r, line 'er OUT we bawl at the
batsman. falling easily into the colloquial-
isms of the game. Line er out, y big
crumb O. Camembert! What dye think
y're up there for? This isn't any place to
bunt! Paste 1t, Put some meat against
IL and knock board out O. the fence!
Let's see some battin'! This bunt gag
an onion tryin' to ease one along the
third-base line. and stand up and take a
healthy young swing at the pellet. y big
lummox!"
That's what we often tell 'em failing
easily, as you'll perceive. Into the cheerful
colloquiaiiSms OF the game when they re
trying 10 pull that bunting thing
But do the fatheads listen to what we
sayo
They don't They do not They pay no
more attention 10 what we're hollering at
them with all our might than If we were
50 many bliShted string beans.
We fully understand, of course, that
they're under orders from the club man.
ager to bunt, and that they're supposed
in sort of way, to obey the managers
instructions.
But the manager himself, when 1t comes
10 that, doesn't know it all. or anything
like Il, and when we deliver our DELHI
crate Acknowledgements in essence az
above-that it's up to them to take a san
itary whack al it. instead of bunting
why, dogeone il all. it's up to them to be
civil enough to pay some attention tC
what We're saying TO them.
Sometimes. OF course. they succeed In
laying the bunt down and even in beating
" out; but al the same it shows mighty
little refinement and courtesy on theil
bart that they don't lend their ears to oul
advice on such occasions.
Another illustration: When a mans or
first. and shows little or no disposition tt
try 10 swipe second. we often endeavor tc
insert little energy and initiative into
him.
"Aw-r-r g'wan down. V hunk o. Swissr
We advise him, somewhat facetiously. II
+ true. but nevertheless we consider the
sack and start somethin'. What dye think
we're doin' there. playin mumbletypes
quit that dreamin' Of money and pick u.
y0ur moecasins and beat Il down to Sta
ton Number Two! Chuck that ancho'
that's holdin' YOU and hand US some o.
that quick-trudge stuff. Take lead ant
90 down. v cook stove, dye hear VIVA
we're tellin' your
But he never seems to hear what we're
,alling him. Sometimes 1t strikes me tina
these ball players must be an awful dea
tpt % clugS because, as | say. they never
In any chance hear single, solitary
word Of the advice that we bestow upor
them.
It may be- OF course, that IN a case
such as we've cited-When the man or
first seems to be unwilling to take 6
chance on trying to grab second-thai
there's a swift catcher on the Job for the
other team--a catcher who can turn EN-
back from No. sack nineteen times out
or twenty. and nail 'em every time wher
they persist in trying TO annex the SECOND
bag
But what's the difference? 1t looks te
III, sitting there III the stand, as IL he
ought To make grab for the sack, any
how. even If he's been explicitly warned
10y the captain or manager not to try it
and when We say what We think righ
sDut loud. why, blast it all, what do these
fellows mean by calmly ignoring our ad
vice.
sometimes. too. IL happens that the mar
on first is famed up from some prevtou.
accident In the game. and therefore
doesn't feel like testing his ability In tn,
sprints line But that's all poppycock
When we take sufficient interest in thei]
welfare during the game to tell 'em Il
take chance and gambol down to sec
"ttd, why, IT'S III to them. the runs, I,
Go as we advise 'em. and it shows blamed
poor rearing on their part when they de
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