The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1909-02-24

- ASAACAlOC1O Ill
coins famous re-
shooi ME-! mark that he
would "like to borrow the army If Nc
Clellan was not going to use it."
When some one remarked that Nc
Clellan was a fine engineer the presi-
dent quickly replied that he must be
stationary engineer"
To General Hooker he once tele-
yraphed: "1f the head of Lees army
is at M%artinsburg and the tail of it on
The plank road between Fredericks-
ourg and charlottesville, the animal
must be very slim somewhere. Could
you not break him?"
Concerning Meade he once said, "Of
the W. great efforts to enslave the
human race in body and in mind the
first met it's grave 200 years ago under
Cromwell at Marston Moor and the
second met it's doom under General
Meade at Gettysburg"
His remarks concerning General
Grant are as famous as their subject.
II can't spare this man.; he fights"
was one. When Grant was accused of
lntemperance the presidents retort is
equally celebrated, eff I knew what
brand of whisky he drinks l would
send a barrel to some of the other gen.
erals At another time he said that
Grant was the first general he had had.
All h others asked for impossibilities.
Grant did not, but accomplished things
with the supplies furnished him.
The best of his encounters with the
generals, however, was at the time of
the surrender Of Harpers Ferry. The
president tried to fix the responsibility
for the equalization. In the inquiry he
sent for Halleck, Schenck, Milroy and
Hooker. Each denied responsibility.
Lincoln seemed disturbed and strobe
across the room several times. Finally
his face lighted up. II have it; l
know who is responsible" he cried.
"Who, Mr.. President? Who is it," the
four cried in chorus. Gentlemen, Gen
eral Lee is the man." That sort of wit
cuts to the quick.
One day a clerical delegation called
upon Lincoln, and the large voiced
spokesman said that they had been
sent by the Lord to insist on a certain
policy.
"Well, gentlemen" replied Mr.. Lin
com, ut is not often one is favored
with a delegation direct from the AL
mighty"
1ncoln was never a vain mar on the
score of personal pulchritude and often
told the story of the ugly man who
handed him eel a knife which had
been given him as the homeliest ma
in the country. He was convinced
that a mistake had been made and
Lincoln was entitled to the knife.
A variant of this story is also told.
but may not be true:
One day a man with a face like a toad
drew a revolver and pointed it at Lin
coin.
what seems to be the matter?" said
the future president.
WELL" replied the stranger, 'some
years ago I swore an oath that if l ever
came across IN uglier man than myself
I would shoot him on the spot" Mr.. Lin
coin scrutinized the features Of the other
closely and exploded, ''Shoot me, for If l
am an uglier man than you I don't want
to live.'
A Philadelphia delegation once wait
ed on the president to present him a
"most beautiful portrait" of himself.
Turning to the artist, Lincoln modest
~ replied:
q" presume, sir, in painting your
beautiful portrait you took your idea
Of me from my principles and not
from my person."
During the Lincoln-D Douglas debates
Judge Douglas one day espied the
form of Lincoln crossing the stage and
convulsed the audience by exclaim-
Ing:
Gas l gaze IN the lengthy and atten-
uated form of my adversary I am
tempted to exclaim in the language of
holy writ. How long. o Lord. how
long?'"
When LincOln's turn came he waited
until Douglas had to cross the plat
form, when he calculated:
"As l gaze on the short and squat
form of my adversary l am tempted to
eXclaim in the language of holy writ,
The wicked shall be cut short in their
generation"
This recalls Douglas charge that
Lincoln sold liquor in a grocery and
Llncoln's retort that the only differ
ence between them was that he was
behind the bar while Douglas was in
front of it.
When the president heard hat there