davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Reassured,

A wealthy man living in an English
village who took great interest in the
church. offered to give the choir a
treat and decided on the really prince
ly one of taking them for week to
Paris. This he did, escOrting them
while there to all the places Of inter-
est and beauty in that charming city,
but not during the whole Of their stay
or even on the return did one Of the
men say to him that they had liked
the trip or had enjoyed themselves.
Naturally anxious to know whether
they had done so, few days after
their return he asked one Of the
churchwardens, a farmer In the vii
lage, whether he thought the men had
enjoyed their time in Paris. The
churchwarden cogitated for moment
or two.
"Well. sir" he said Mt length, II
amt heard no complaints"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Why He Got Married.

A 5000 per annum clerk In one OF
Uncle Sans departments at Washing
ton was recently approached by a co.
worker who asked If 1t were true, as
rumor had it. that the 5000 person was
about to marry.
''It Is" was the laconic response.
Surely. old man." said the other
with that freedom permitted an init
mate friend, you don't think that
your present income would justify you
In taking a wife,"
"To be perfectly frank" said the
other. 81 do not"
"Then what on earth can be your
reason for taking this serious step"
81 have no reason" was the calm
response. II am In ve."-Lippin'
colts.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
DIDN'T WORRY HIM.
An Emergency Message That Failed Of
Its Purpose.

An Emergency Message That Failed Of
Its Purpose.
At the last session of congress there
was very close division on an i'm
portant measure that was pending. A
western member was fighting the bill
with all of the vigor at his command,
and his success depended absolutely
on his presence at his post. A clever
member of the opposition devised a
scheme whereby the troublesome man
could be lured away. Accordingly on
the morning of the day the vote was
to be taken a telegram was sent to the
hotel OF the fighting member. 1t read:
"Come home at once. Your wife Is
dangerously ILL.," The congressman
glanced at it, read 1t carefully two or
three times and then started toward
the capitol. The perpetrator Of the
scheme asked the congressman what
the telegram contained. He showed 1t
tohim.
"Whatw gasped the inquirer. "and
in the face Of that are you going to the
capitol?'
81 am" was the cool response.
"But don't you feel worried about
your wife,"
"Not in the least" was the reply.
"WhyT" asked the other.
because" replied the fighting men,
Der, 81 have no wife"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Humor of the Stump.

During warm political campaign
an "old timer" took the stump. Wheth
er he gathered many lost sheep into
the fold Of his party or not. he Ger.
tainly did not detract from the humor
of the situation. On one occasion O
crowd of people gathered to hear him
speak.
Fellow citizens" he roared. "our op-
ponents are resortlng to every form OF
vileness. to dishonest and underhand
tricks. to inconceivable meanness, ia
the corruption Of voters, but we warn
them"-his thunder shook the roof
1--WE warn them. fellow citizens. that
that is game that two can play at"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
He Learned a Lot.

Once a boy thought he would braid
q mules tail. Later, when his father
was trying to straighten up his fea.
lures SO that his mother wouldn't have
10 get acquainted with him all over
again. he asked, Father, will I ever
oe beautiful any morer
"No. my child" said the father. as
be delicately pried the bridge Of the
lads nose into something like its old
time form. mo. my child. you will new
er be beautiful, but you'll know q
DANCED sight more"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Willing to Please.

A large and elegant hotel furnished
on the most luxurious lines was erected
at fashionable resort. A magnificent
orchestra performed every evening in
the hotel dining room, but on one oc.
casion. out of season. the house was
so empty that the manager dispatched
the following telegraph message to the
head offices of the company: only
one guest. but orchestra of thirty
What shall ] dow
And the prompt reply came, "If guest
dissatisfied, engage six more must
ciansv
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
SECRETS OF
RUG MAKING

You can get Rugs made from Old
Carpets in the "ordinary" way most
anywhere.
We make them out OF the "ordi-
nary" SANITARY, STRONG,
BEAUTIFUL; SKILLED workmen;
GOOD WARP. Clean surroundings
is what's making our factory famous
1t will pay you TO make shipments 70
us. Our booklet tells why. ay we
mail IL?
PetoskeY Rug My. Carpet Co.
Std, Petoskev, Mich.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02

4 Thirteenth Judicial Circuit In Chancery
Suit pending In Circuit Court for the Coun-
ty Charlevoix In Chancery. at the CITY OF
Charlevoix. on the 2Sth day OF July, AID 1909
Alta Mitchell, complainant, VS. Harry
Mitchell. defendant.
In this cause It. appearing that the defend
ant. Harry Mitchell, Is resident OF this state
hut his whereabouts are unknown, therefore
ON motion of Elisha N Clink. solicitor for
the complainant. Alta Mitchell, II is ordered.
that the defendant enter his app arance In
date Of this order. and that within tv enty
DAYS the complainant cause this order 10 he
published i'm the Charlevoix Co nty herald
said publication to be continued oDce In each
week for six weeks In succession.
FREDERICK w. MAYNE.
ELISHA ". CLINK, Circuit Judge
Solicitor for Complainant.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Not an Oyster.

A party of tired and hungry travel
ers in small European town saw a
house decorated with peculiar sign
and Immediately entered and demand
ed to be served with oysters.
This is not a restaurant" said the
courteous gentleman who met them.
81 am an aurist."
"Isn't that an oyster hung outside
the door?" asked one.
mo, gentlemen, it is an ear"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Morphy's Witty Comment.

Paul Morphy. the famous chess play
er. once attended church In New Or
leans when the bishop Of foreign
diocese was present. The young rector
Of the church had prepared sermon
in honor Of his distinguished visitor In
the delivery of which he tired every
one except the bishop. who paid close
attention. Part Of the congregation
left the church.
"Well." said Morphy. that preacher
is the first man ever met who hadn't
sense enough to stop when he had
nothing left but bishop"
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Lsbor SAVING.

The youngster had the proverbial
aversion to soap and water. and his
teacher said to him one morning after
he entered the little schoolhouse:
"Jimmy, I'm ashamed Of you. Your
the hydrant and wash IT,"
Jimmy went out to the hydrant
moistened his wash rag and rubbed
soap over II. Then, rag I'm hand. he
returned to the schoolroom.
(which cheek did you sayY he In
quired.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Liked the Treatment.

A slater who was engaged upon the
roof Of house In Glasgow fell from
the ladder and lay In an unconscious
state upon the pavement. One Of the
pedestrians in the street who rushed
to the aid of the poor man CHANGED to
have flask of spirits In his pocket,
and. to revive him. began to pour q
little down his throat.
"Canny, mon, canny," said a man
looking on. "or you'll choke him."
The unconscious" slater opened his
eyes and said quietly. Pour ava,
mon, pour ava; ye're dom fine."
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Laughter.

Worry stalked along the road.
Trouble sneaking after.
Then Black Care and Grief and Goad.
Enemies to Laughter.
But old Laughter, with a shout.
Rose up and attacked 'em.
Put the sorry pack TO rout.
Walloped 'em and whacked 'em.
Laughter frivols day and night.
Sometimes he's a bubble.
But he hath deal OF might
In a bout with Trouble.
John Kendrick Bangs In Ainslee's Mag
azine,
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Five Years
of Heart Trouble Cured by
DIR. Miles Heart Remedy

Before / began taking DR..
Miles Heart Remedy / had been
suffering from heart trouble for
over five years. / had pains in
my left side, and under my
shoulder blade, could not sleep
on the left side, and was so short
of breath the least exertion
would bring on the most distress
ing palpitation. l had scarcely
taken a half bottle of the Heart
Remedy before l could see a
marked change in my condition.
When / had taken six bottles l
was cured"
MRS. c. c. GORKEY,
Mortified, Va.
If there is fluttering or palpi-
tation it is an indication OF a
weakness of the nerves and mus
cles of the heart. 1t is not neces-
sarily diseased-just weak from
over-work. The heart may be
weak Just the same as the eyes,
stomach or other organs. You
can make a weak heart strong
by taking DR.. Miles Heart REM
edy. Get bottle from your
druggist, take it according to di-
rections, and if it does not bene-
fit he will return your money.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
DROBATE ORDER: state of Michigan:
HThe Probate Court for the County of

DROBATE ORDER: State of Michigan:
1.-THE Probate Court for the County OF
Charievoix.
Al session of said Court. held at the Pro-
bate Office in the City of Charlevoix In said
County, on the 4th day OF Septemb'r a. ID
10 q.
Present: Hon. John M. Harris, Judge OF Pro-
bate. r..
II. Switzerland. deceased.
Harry II. Sutherland having n ed In said court
his petition praying that said court an1udi.
cate and determine who were at the Time OF
his death the legal heirs of said deceased and
entitled TO Inherit the real estate OF which
said deceased died seized.
II is ordered that the 4th day of Oct A. ID.
10 q at ten O'Clock I'm forenoon, at sai1 probate
office. be ana is hereby appointed for hearing
said petition.
IL is Further Ordered, That public notice
thereof he given by publication OF acopy OF
this order for three successive weeks pre-
vious 10 said day of hearing. IN the CharlevoiA
County Her ID newspaper prtnieA an circu-
JOHN M. HARRIS,
a true copy Judge of Probate.
Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1909-10-02
Courage.

Courage is virtue that the young
cannot spare; to lose 1t is to grow old
before the time. 1t is better to make
a thousand mistakes and suffer thou.
sand reverses than run away from bat.
tle.-Henry Van Dyke.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

In 1851 there was in Huntsville q
man who pulled teeth for twenty-five
cents, and a photographer who made
daguerreotypes at s1.50 each. The
first was called @doctor" and the sec
ond professor. They moved in the
highest circles, as being the repre-
sentatiyes of the sciences and arts
With deer. birds and all manner OF
game in the woods and fine fish in
the streams, so cheap that the poor
est larders were stocked with it, the
grocers did a big business in mack
erel, herring and sardines. The lat
ter were real dainties, because tht
better food was SO plentiful the pio
neers got tired of it.-Macon Repub-
lican.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
LATEST Man in World.

The LATEST man in the world
lazier even than Mark Twain pro-
fesses to be-is at Jerseyville. says a
dispatch from that Illinois town. His
name is John Mumera, and he has
been in bed ten years, because he is
unwilling TO comply with the rules OF
the Jersey county farm. which say
that every one living there shall rise
at five O'Clock in the morning.
He was a voluntary applicant for
permission to live at the farm. Be-
fore he had been at the farm a week
he complained that the rising hour
was too early One morning he failed
to take HIS place at the breakfast
table. Richard Mourning superin-
tendent Of the farm, went to his
room.
Time TO get up,p he said.
I'm not going to get up at five
O'Clock in the morning for anybody, .
replied John.
You'll have tot said Mourning.
That made Mumera angry. Shak-
ing his finger at the superintendent,
he exclaimed: "1'H never get up any
more, | might as well stay in bed.
It's too much trouble undressing
every night and dressing every morn
ing. anyway"
Il am ready to hold up my hand
and wear that he has kept his word. :"
said Mourning. He has been in bed
ton wears and he saws he WILL sfav
there the remainder Of his life."
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

agriculture in Alaska Will become
as great a source of wealth as gold
or "copper" said R. W. Wiley. who
has a mining camp at the head of the
White River inthat Territory. %There
are numerous extensive farms In the
Pelly River valley on the Canadian
side. where the finest grain is grown.
/ know of one ranch of 100 acres in
that section which the owner planted
in oats, and last year the crop was
5000 bushels. When 1t is considered
that these oats bring as high as six
cents a pound 1t can be figured what
an Immense income can be derived.
"In my section there are no rail-
roads, and the people are practically
isolated from the rest of the world
for several months during the winter
season. They get no mail of any
kind. There are hundreds up there
who do not know yet who is Presi-
dent, and they will not know until
they come down in the spring. -
Washington Post.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
Tue Essence Of Freedom
by n. DICK COLLIER.

you like your new country. your
America" asked the man who had
refused to emigrate
Sure" replied the visitor to the
land Of his birth. with much enthus.
iasm. Great country: free country.
Government Of the people. for the
people and by the people. Nothing
like 1t. No one man affair. Work.
ing mans as good as the President.
Vote counts Just as much. All men
equal, you see"
mo nobility; no aristocracy7"
wonderingly
'Oh yes, aristocracy Of corn-fed
sort. People with the most money
sort of clique together and bar out
the other fellows. But the rank and
file. the men behind the guns, so-to-
speak. don't mind that, They're not
hunting society They go right along
making a good living and voting as
they please"
Voting for whatg"
why. to elect Presidents and Gov
ernors and Congressman. and to keep
the government machinery going"
50, after all, you have rulers?"
Surel Why not7 But we elect
EN-. And II we don't like 'em we
kick 'em out again. No life Jobs ex.
cept in the Supreme Court and a few
such places where the laboring man
amt Interested"
1T isn't trust7"
What the Supreme Court9 Well
| neverl II amt so recognized--but
say, that's funny idea. by Heck,
No, trusts where a bunch of fei-
lows put their money together and
control something you've got to have,
clothing, food. tools or such like, and
make you pay heavy for 'em. It's
pretty near robbery, but It seems 1t
cant be helped"
why don't your Presidents and
Governors and Congressman prevent
it?"
Well, before election they always
say they will. but they never do.
Next time mebbe we kick 'em out,
but somehow the trust goes right
along. That's the only thing wrong
with the couDtry-the trusts.
So" mused the man who refused
to emigrate Here the taxes are
high but commodities are cheap;
there you dodge your taxes but COM
modities are dear. Here we have
no voice about our ruler; there you
elect yours-but the best either of
us gets is the worst Of it. Where is
your advantage?"
II reckon having your own way
amt worth nothing at sll?" snorted
the visitor to the land of his birth =
/ From Puck.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
Love Among AIIIgators.

''Now is the mating time among
the alligators," said the man with the
alligator bag. 1.-THE Everglades day
and night resound with the deep bell
lowings OF bull alligators serenading
the females of their choice.
1.-The bull makes a good, true hus-
band. The female makes a devoted
wife and mother The home nest is
built Of sticks and mud. oval in shape
and a yard or more long, on the
banks Of some Shiny stream. The
eggs number two or three dozen
eggs twice as long as hens but no
bigger around. They hatch Of their
own accord. They don't need to be
sat on. Isn't 1t convenient?
"The father and mother alligatnrs
swim and hunt at their case in the
stagnant water. and every day or SO
they climb up the muddy bank and
see how their thirty-siE eggs are get
ting on. The eggs get on all right
till Matching time. when the alligator
dealer carries them OF in an alligator
bag. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
WORDS OF WISDOM.

4 fresh young man is apt to spoil
early in life.
1t takes cheerful face to make
good in photograph.
Worry gives the undertaken more
business than hard work.
Every man knows some other man
he would like to get even with.
It's almost as difficult to live down
a bad reputation as it is to live up to
a good one.
Don't NEEDLE with the affairs OF
other people and you will have that
much less to worry about.
It's an easy matter for a man to
cut down his living expenses. All he
has to do is break into jail.
A woman writer says man should
keep nothing from his wife. At
matter Of fact, he can't.
You cannot convince farmer that
city people get up early enough to do
an honest days work.
When a girl jilts c young man,
and he refuses to let It spoil his ca
reer. it is an awful Jolt to her pride.
It's a gay old world when you are
gay and a sad old world when you
are sad. 1t all depends upon the
point of view.-From ~Humanisms,
in the New York Journal.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

In consequence of the outbreak oi
the potato disease in the nineteenth
century, botanists have for years
been seeking the original wild species
of this most useful plant, in order
that by crossing it with the cult
vated forms fresh vigor might be in
fused into the latter. The search has
extended over Chile, Peru and Other
parts Of America, but until recently
no success has been promised. Mr
Sutton, of Reading. England. the
well known scotsman. in whose ex'
perimental gardens a great variety oi
these plants has been tried, has now
fixed upon a wild species, the Sola'
mum etuberosum, which has beer
growing in his gardens for twenty
years, as being the original wild spe-
cies. from which much may be hoped,
The Solanum etuberosum for twenty
years has entirely defied the potato
disease, and its offspring is identical
with the commercial potato
Youths Companion.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
An Mirrors Lie.

Everybody is better looking than
the mirror makes him." said milli-
ner. "The mirror robs us of our ex-
preston and Of our coloring, and ex-
preston and color are to the faces
beauty what the legs are to the fig
ure.
First, our expression. When we
look into mirror our eyes take on a
CLASSY stare and our mouths curious
and sad droop. Really we never look
like that save when we are going to
be III.
"Then our eoloring. All mirrors
have pale green tinge. and this
tinge makes even the purest rose leaf
complexion muddy. It takes the
gloss from the hair, the brilliance
from the eyes and the scarlet from
the lips. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
'LATA, MARYLAND, FRIDAY, MAY IA, 1909.

tine might pass as he went along
The bank between the road and river
was very steep, and the river made
an abrupt turn. when Joe reached
this place he found that he was not
drifting with the rapid current. but
was being swept toward a clump of
trees that usually stood on the bank
Of the river, but which now had
wide stream flowing on the other side
of them. Joe knew that II the boat
should be swept against these trees
it would soon fill with water and be
swamped, but he was helpless to
avert II, and hoped to be able to
grasp one of the trees and climb to a
safe height when the boat sank
Fred was already on the bank look
ing anxiously up the stream when
Joe and the boat began to drift to-
ward the trees. He saw the danger,
and. taking a heavy piece of wood
which was lying near, he tied 1t to the
end Of the rope, and was ready to
throw 1t when the boat struck the
trees. Joe had not seen his brother.
but Fred called to him TO catch the
rope when he threw it.
The first time he threw the rope It
missed the boat, but he rapidly
hauled It in and tried again. This
time he threw It a little above the
boat. and as the piece Of wood 10
which It was fastened came floating
past Joe he caught 1t. and as quickly
as possible fastened the rope to the
boat. Then taking an oar he pushed
the boat gently away from the trees.
against which 1t had lodged, and
Fred hauled It toward the shore.
The bank was quite steep here, but
Fred wrapped the rope around the
body of a tree and let the other end
down for Joe to hold on to while he
helped him up. Joe's clothes were
literally soaked. but before going
home they hauled the heavy boat
down stream to a more sheltered
place. where there was not so much
danger Of its being smashed by logs
running into it; then they started for
home, both riding on one horse.
They had not gone far when they
saw their father and mother coming
to meet them; and they were very
thankful parents who saw the two
boys coming along together. The
story was soon told and they all went
gladly home.
The high water subsided after a
while. and in about a week the boys
went down the river to the place
where they had tied the boat on that
eventful day and took It back to its
old place.
For a long time the boys mother
never liked TO have them go to the
river, and insisted on having the
boat sold. The boys were busy at
this time. and did not go to the river
for long time, and when they went
back the boat was gone. The chair
by which it had been fastened wal
broken and 1t was never heard of
The boys missed the boat very much
and planned in many ways TO get an
other.
The next spring. when the weathe
was fine, their father went to tow
one day and brought home a new boa
in the wagon. Their mother insisted
that one boy must not go out by him
self in the boat, to which the broth
ers readily agreed. The new boat
was tied up at the old landing place
and when the boys are not needed fol-
work they spend many hours rowing
along the river, going many miles in
each dlrection.-Young Peoples Pa
per.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14
Great Without Navies.

In hot discussion Of national af-
fairs between Alderman Doun and
Bowling at the City Hall, Doull said
that he was of the same belief as
Roosevelt, that no nation can be
great without a great navy. Bowling
scratched his head for moment af-
ter hearing Dcull's assertion, then,
with loo of ferceness. exclaimed:
What are you talking about? Look
at Ireland and the Jews; they haven't
got a rowhoat between them."-Nsw
York Press.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

"Yes," he said thoughtfuliy. when
1 get too bumptious and naughty and
pufted up with the consciousness that
/ am a citizen Of the most progressive
nation that ever existed have an ad-
mirabIe way OF bringing myself back
to earth again
what do you do2"
81 so to New York and look at the
horse ,ars. Plain Dealer.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

A study of the trouser legs as seen
in the photographs Of our most noted
men brings the smile Of contempt
from even the most disinterested, and
one wonders if anything could be ug-
lier than the concertina folds Of the
clumsy, elephantine outlines that are
there to be seen. Breeches, knick-
ers and kits are all far more artistic
and healthy.-Tailor and Cutter.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1909-05-14

why does your Excellency look SO
annoyed?"
News of a revolution has just
reached the palace" replied the Pres
ident OF Colombia
Pooh, that will be over by noon"
81 suppose So" snapped the Presi-
dent, petulantiy. but there's a bull
fight scheduled for this morning. -
Philadelphia Ledger.