The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1909-05-23
Mr., GNAGG'S MIND HUNGERS
uuy SHOULD HE TALK or THE
TARIFF INTERESTINGLY o.
mi. N,te only sits with . CLASSY Stare In
Her Eyes. Thinking Perhaps OF the
Fashions Maybe He Did Object to
NM stockings Once on . Time.

nine stockings Once or . Time.
Az Gnagg. becoming disoursive on the
o,, NJ The tariff ald discovering with
-a.,.,rrei that Mrs. Gnasg Is deficient In
i,tormation on that topic. pounces upon the
o,oortunity to e1hort:
lust wait a minute. / wonder why | am
citing here working away at the Job Of
.-vine TO analyze all these things for
vo,,r benefit. / might just as we'll climb
n the top Of the Singer Building and
.,n,sin the tariff muddle to the four
xinds Of heaven. You're sitting there
with a CLASSY star in your eyes, wondering
xbether you'd better have that new
raiah skirt made with pleats or with bias
sores, or something like that. and pre-
tending merely pretending-th that you're
hearing what 1 am saying and that you
have a working understanding Of the
subject in hand.
Hun? Tou don't profess to know much
about the tariff. but you're willing to
And out something about it. and you've
heard every word that I've said?
Oh. Of course; but l guess can tell
whether a woman is intent upon what's
beine said to her or whether her mind,
mr. what she elects to call her mind, is
whirling in a sort Of vapid vortex
fifteen thousand leagues away.
Oh, shucks! What right have I got to
expect anything else? What license has
mar got these days to expect to enjoy
such a thing as mental companionship
with his wife? ,
Sometimes, as at present. for instance.
I come to and I nave a sort Of a grisly
Internal laugh at the thought Of what an
idiotic picture l must present whenI come
romping home here. full OF enthusiasm
about something that's in my mind and
begin to expetiate upon current affairs.
How all the invisible imps must jeer at me
At such times! I bet that / give the finest
imitation Of a man talking to himself to
be seen anywhere on earth.
Well, it serves me right, for i. simply
eoes to show what a hopeless dill l am
when I so much as open my mouth around
here about matters OF current interest.
Mighty few level headed fellows do that
They know better. ,
When they get home they keep their
heads closed. or il they talk at all they talk
down 10 their wives-exude a little prattle
about the pif1ing. in-consequential affairs
that their wives can understand and then
heat it of to bed or else put on their
hats and go down town and enjoy the
luxury of a little conversation with folks
who can understand what they are talk
Ing about.
Look a-here, do you ever by any chanos
read anything in the newspapers?
Oh. yes. l see you ploughing through
the millinery and white sale ads. You
turn to hat block type stuff the first
thing: but do you eve read any OF the
news in the paper'
For example, who's the President OF
the United States at the present time?
How's that? Taft? Great!
Who told you? When did YOU find
that out? By George. maybe I've done
you a slight injustice. Hooray! She
actually knows the name OF the President
Of the United States and he hasn't held
the Office three months at that!
Well. I'm wrong in spots. THERE'S no
Use denying it. Id have bet a million
dollars that you were under the impression
that Hayes was still President.
Well. Of course you couldn't very we'll
dodge the big headlines relating to i'm
portant people like Presidents and such
like. The point that I seek to ma Ike is
that you have no natural. inherent desire
to keep abreast OF the worlds doings.
Big things don't interest you. It's only
the liliputian affairs of your own cir
cumscribed orbit that arouse your feet
Ing. ~momentary attention.
Still. allowing that to be the case,
mightn't it naturally be supposed that
you'd be willing to overcome your in
difference to everything except the gnat-
like, il only for the purpose Of being able
to respond to my attitude toward the
larger things Of life?
You wouldn't have to really mean it,
you know. l wouldn't be 80 unfair. &C
heartlese. as to expect that. You could
just fatter me. you see, by sort OF drum
ming upon a few of the topics Of the day,
So that when I began to talk about some
thing that the whole worlds all keyed up
about you could stick in an ineligible
word here and there and thereby make
me believe that you really had some en-
bryonic idea OF trying to be a sure enough
companion to your husband.
I'm not asking much, you see. I'm
even willing to permit you to fool me and
make a monkey OF me. il you'll only sort
Of get next to yourself and make believe
TO be interested in things that interest me
even for the sake Of pulling the wool
over my fool eyes.
Because, you know, you're about the
only human being ! have to talk to or
With. As you perhaps apprehend, I have
10 work for a living. have to be on the
job and be on it with both feet all day
and when | get home I'm tired.
I'm not one Of those rummies that stick
m their hats and hike of downtown as
soon as they've eaten their dinner. Some
times ] wish / did belong to that push,
Id he better of. I'd get a little exercise
Tor my mind. I'd meet people who'd
make me smoke up mentally and all that.
I'd enjoy the clash OF opinions and the
stimulation OF controversy.
No, no, instead OF following this system
What do | do? Why. when ! come home
,ere from my hard day / stick around
my home, and presently something takes
hold Of my mind. or seizes my imagina-
lion and | begin to spout a little about
il, and almost Immediately I'm confronted
by your CLASSY eyed stare; and then. as
now. for example, I am made conscious
90 ~. IL ---- - H. A--ak