davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
GLOBE SIGHTS.

rFrom the Atchison Globe.1
Everyone has too much confidence
in medicine.
You can't know too much. but 1t il
easy to say too much.
When a woman has kin in to din
ner she IS q little nicer than usual TO
her husband.
Haven't you remarked that as soon
as you get out Of one trouble you at
once get into another?
When a woman goes shopping she
has ''list" somewhere about her per-
son, but she never can find 1t.
Ben Davis might as we'll be wood
en- Indian In front of q cigar store: he
stands around all day and does moth
ing.
Joke from a show at the opera
house: Never run after street car
or a woman; there Will be another
along in a minute.
The good qualities of a dead man
are always exaggerated. SO we don't
believe we could stand marrying and
living with a widow.
When you give a woman a Christ
pect anything. although she really ex-
pected twice as much as you are Civ
ing her
There Is so much opposition from
business men to the style of girls in
their employ wearing puffs and curls
and braids that we imagine they will
wear them forever.
The funny man in the show at the
opera house said the other night: "a
word to the wise. they say, is suffi-
cient. As matter of fact. a word to
the wise Is unnecessary
"If old Rockefeller will give me
100000" we heard a man say today,
II will forgive everything" But that
would cause others to jump the old
man all the more viciously.
The man we admire most Is the
man who never makes us unnecessary
trouble. II our house is on fire. we
don't blame the man who troubles ms
by running over and telling us, but we
very much dislike the neighbor who
disturbs US when 1t Is unnecessary
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Whether or not 1t Is good law, the
decision Of Judge Pollock. declaring
the bank deposits guaranty law to be
at variance with the federal constitu-
ton, will have the effect of making
this statute imperative during the
long period that will now ensue until
there is a final adjudication of this
question by the supreme court of the
United States. This will be eminently
satisfactory to the opponents of the
plan. Judge Pollock is discerning
i11risf
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

DR.. WI Ting Fang. the retiring
Chinese minister to the United States
Is more than an optimist. Not only
does he expect to live to be 200 years
old, but he holds these expectations
with the knowledge that he is the sub
ject Of a kingdom where the rulers
think nothing of passing out the ''yel-
low cord" on the slightest pretext.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

News comes from New York City
that Mr.. Hearst has revivified the
famous independence league. What's
the answer? Hearst has quite recent
~ announced himself to be out of the
habit of running for offices for all
time. And he has never had much
use for political party of any stripe
that would not boost him for some
prominent place.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR.
IFrom the New York Press.l

IFrom the New York Press.1
The temptation of money is to spend
it before you get it.
The reason children keep everybody
in hot water is they lie when they
ought to tell the truth and tell the
truth when they ought to lie.
The thing that makes man mad
dest with his wife is for his collar
button to roll under the bureau when
she is away from home, so he has to
find it for himself.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

posed 70 me, i bent nay head and said
worries you, dear. but never mind; you've
made up for it since.-Boston Transcript.
m aalsm his eo SH9 Sm E ike him
He'd always rather fight than sat
what were the worst obstacles you had
the correspondent. well. the hardest
kind" answered the returned Arctic ex-
plorer, rs getting back home without be-
cago Tribune.
Mrs. chureh-You say she vas var
She was secretary of a woman's club
Yonkers Statesman.
Knicker--Johnny does just what he =
congressfnan.-New York Sun.
The alligator swall9wsa!. hing M. t .Asr
thought that swaiiern 1 ronssstnt,oni '
1T made a big hi. with that woman; al!
r ..Sothins. lust kept stin and listened"
Kansas City Journal.
can you tell me anything about the cps
ties? Little Elsie-I guess they were the
Little Clarence Gin the midst of his
perusal of newspaper itedn)-Papa. what
is a ssBlue Grass widow?" Mr.; Callipers-
Why. a grass widow who failed to get all
mony, presume, my son-Puck-
Seaver-I have to tell that boy of mine
where everything Is. Weaver-Have 70
tell him where the baseball grounds are
losstsd b whs sest ta sw,mming holes are
Judge.
"Geeg" said. the observing boy. "when
lob" what for?" asked the man. sos
can 20 to the ball games every AFTER
noon" he replied.-Detroit Free Press.
c.rest-He seems a very nice young man.
What's his profession. Hostess-Hes a
social botanist. Guest-And what is that.
pray? Hostess-Oh, we invite nun espec-
Boston Transcript.
Tommy. Tommy-weII. mol haven't. TIL
verv bad. Tommy-M'no! Just comfort
able!-London Opinion.
May ask you a question: Sure:
secsion mixed up in a feud? "well. no
buddy keeers to take chances on being
an innocent stander."-Louisviile Cour-
ier-Journal.
porothy-Yes our college had a female
basehaI II team Charles-Did you have any
good catchers? Dorothy-I should say SO.
SIX of them caught husbands the Ilrse
Journal.
Johnny-Uncle, do you spell soda water
with syphon?- -The Sketch
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Charles l.. Warmer. the defaulting
treasurer OF the Big Four railroad
gets term of six years in prison for
stealing 100000 or more from his
employer. Some men who have stolen
six cents worth of bread or a pair of
shoes have been given longer terms in
prison. And still there is talk about
the equality of the law in this land of
HhA froe
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Reports have it that King Edward
came out OF the last racing season
with 100000 on the right side of the
ledger. If memory serves correctly it
was always the other way and to a
greater extent when Ed was merely
a prince. Perhaps the explanation of
this is found in the fact that some
folks consider 1t a high honor to let
a king beat them at any old game.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Few men have passed away in this
country who have been given more
sincere tributes than those which were
showered by his thousands Of friends
when the funeral cortege of little
Tim Sullivan wendell it way the
other day through the streets Of New
York. Born and bred on New York's
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

That Chicago criminal who has been
able to forge checks successfully de-
spite the fact that neither of his hands
is equipped with fingers and thumbs
could have made an easier and better
living by working out in a dime mu-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

It occurs to the New York Evening
Post that Mr.. Carnegie's suggested
$50. 100000 for the establishment of
peace in Central America can best be
used as a fund for pensioning dis
abled Central American presidents.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

What ought to be the most ridicu-
lous thought of the times is enter
tanned by DR.. Chauncey M. Depew.
He thinks he can be reelected a
United States senator from New York.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
OF THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Snow, snow, beautiful snow-and
that's all that can be said about 1t in
view Of the chilling blasts that always
come after It.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

But perhaps probing those sugar
frauds to the bottom is not exactly
what is needed" thinks the Indian
apolis News. Probing them to the
top might be a good deal more enter
tanning and efFectiva'
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Japan's internal political future will
be one OF incessant turmoil and wrang-
ling. The Flowery Kingdom proposes
to put in force "a tariff for revenue
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Friends of Mr.. Bryan have real
cause to fear for his health. 1t is so
poor that he has been compelled to
cancel some speaking engagements.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Rather sensational but not so very
important after all Ii the news that
former Vice President Fairbanks has
removed his goatee.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
LITTLE WORD ~1E, IN the Way.

LITTLE WORD "IF'' IN THE WAY.
much better
would SP fSey thinks absrd e drop
whole word.
A word we would gladly see missed
feel Just like telling these meddlers In
Drop one vicious word from the list
That little word If, that troublesome II,
Chat word very much in our wayl.
That vicious word II. that stubborn
Please take little n out the wayl
If debts were less pressing. II pain less
Chat little word II In the way),
No need then to borrow. and less cause
That little word II out the way.
(That word very much in our wayl,
That vicious word II. that stubborn
Please take little II out the way.
II men were all honest. u each got his
(That little word II in the way).
II wives were less Jealous. 4 friends
ernst little ie. word If in the way,.
If kind. and forgiving. what comfort in
living,
That little word If out the way.
That little word If, that troublesome II,
CThat word very much in our way),
That vicious word If, that stubborn
word If.
Please take little II out the way!
w.
If work were less hurry, II life had less
worry
(That little word If in the wayl,
II the bad were all good, If all did as
they should
Chat little word If in the way),
Wed all live in clover, and trouble be
over,
That vicious word II out the way.
That little word II, that troublesome II.
(That word very much in our wayl,
That vicious word II. that stubborn
Please take little If out the way!
w r. Frisbie, M. D.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
A DeCoy.

Asa Paine, vice president of the
American Automobile Association. said
in st. Augustine of the automobile in
dustry:
Gears are now made to last. The
rich man no longer finds his 1907 car
questionable, like his 1907 coat. in
1909.
cat the beginning of the industry
a car was antfuuated in no time-so
Anticipated that people laughed at it.
s"They tell a story in Detroit about
a dealer who had. in 1900, an anti
ouated 1895 car He tried vainly to
sell this car. He put lower and lower
price tag on lt-s100. $50, $10-and
finally he put on a tage to the effect
that the car was to be given away.
even then there were no takers.
$50 one evening. desperate. the deal
err left the 1895 car in vacant lot be-
side his shop, hoping that some one
would steal it in the night. But when
he came down to work the next morn
ing, not only was the old car there,
but another one of similar pattern had
been placed beside it.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

The report was printed in the pa
pers q few days ago that a 3-week-old
infant up in Collin county or some
where-it doesn't matter-asked for
a drink Of water, then prophesied a
five years drought, and died. This in
cfdent emphasizes a fact and teaches
lesson. It shows that as weather
prophets 3-week -old infants are rank
failures, for it rained like sixbits only
few days after the alleged proph-
ecy. The lesson taught is that other
infants which may harbor designs up
on becoming unduly precoclous
should think the matter over well be-
fore engaging in conversation or the
forecasting of future events. Had
the Collin county infant gone on in
the usual way of infants, sucking its
thumb. bawling until it was red in
the face, and putting the cats tail in
its mouth. and innocent diversions
like these, it might be hale and
hearty and co1icky today. Besides.
its mother would have told the neigh
bors of the wonderful things 1t said.
anyway.-Grand Saline (Tex.) Jour
nal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
Why Meat Is Dear.

The statement submitted by Armour
& co. in connection with. the listing OF
a bond issue of $30.000,000 on the
stock exchange shows the packing in
dustry to be even more profitable than
had popularity been supposed. The
company by its own showing made 9
gross profit of $10,5S2.000 for the year
on a capital stock of $20,00O,000 and
earned a surplus of $7,127,926. or the
equivalent of a dividend Of 35.6 per
cent.
Here is something more than the po-
tentiality of wealth beyond the dreams
of avarice. It is avarice itself in the
manufacture and sale of necessity OF
life. Armour & Co. by their own ad-
mission have justified the charges OF
extortion brought against the beef
trust. =.
In the light of this enormous profit
the explanation of the high prices OF
meat recently made by the chairman
of the packers committee requires
modification. That explanation was in
effect that the packer. being Obliged
to pay a higher price for livestock
passed on the additional cost to the
dealer, who, in turn, shifted it to the
consumer. This. however, is not the
whole story of the rise of mess peel
from $685. barrel in 1906 to $3.50
in 1908 For its full understanding
there must be taken into account the
millions in surplus profits reserved by
the packers to convince Wall street OF
the safe and lucrative nature Of theil
business. :,
1t IS the necessity the consumer Is
under of paying SIS per cent profit ano
guaranteeing bond issues that makes
meat dear.-New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Little Clarence Gin the midst of his
perusal of newspaper iteml-Papa, what
Why q grass widow who failed to get ALI
moriy. presume, my son.-Puck.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

seaver--I have to. tell that boy Of mine
where everything is. Weaver-Have TO
tell him where the baseball grounds are
located. where the circus is showing or
where the best swimming holes are!'-
Trdc
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

"Geev' said the observing boy, when
I grow up I'm going after a ponslcsi
can 20 to the ball games every after
noon" he replied.-Detroit Free Press.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

can YOU tell me anything about the ePts-
ties? Little Elsie--I guess they were the
wives Of the apostles.-Chicago News.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27
ostrich Farming in Australia.


The first attempt to raise ostriches
in Australia was made by Mr.. NAL
colin, who in 1880 brought 100 young
birds from South Africa to South Aus
ralia. In the following year the par
lament of South Australia enacted
Jaw which granted to the first person
who should exhibit $50 ostrfches more
than one year old about 2,400 acres or
and suitable for ostrich farming. The
conditions were satisfied by the South
Australian Ostrich company, which
was founded in 1886 with capital or
$4,000. The company received land
near Port Augusta, on Spencer bay,
but In spite Of this assistance the COM
pany has never paid dividend. al
though 1t now possesses LOO ostriche ;,
sill of which were imported from
South Africa There is still larger
strich farm on the shore of Lake AL
bert, and smaller farms are scattered
through the colony.
In New South Wales ostrich farming
was first attempted In 1897 by Barra-
cuff, who imported six pairs of
,striches from northern Africa. and
POW possesses 81 birds.
Queensland and Victoria possess
only small ostrich farms, which have
not produced very encouraging results
In all there are now about 2.OO0
7striches in Australia The inferior
feathers are used at home and the
more valuable ones are exported. chief
" to Germany American.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Guest-He seems very nice young man.
Wbat,s his nrofession Hostess-He's a
social botanist Guest-And what is that.
pray? Hostess-Oh, we invite him espec-
falIy to give attention to our wailfiowers'-
Boston Transcript.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

ssI made a big hit with that woman. all
right what did you say to her
Nothing. 1 just kept still and listened
kansas City Journal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

Uncle-I hope you've been good b92k
Tommy. Tommy-weIl mol haven't. un-
ole-Dear dear. I hope you haven't been
yery bad. Tommy-Mno! Just comfort
able London Opinion.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

May I ask you a question:? Sure.
Section mixed up In feud?'' well. no
BUDDY keeers to take chances on being
an innocent bystander." -Louisv1ile Cour-
ier-JOurnal.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1909-12-27

baseball team Charles-Did you have any
good catchers? Dorothy should say SO.
SIN of them caught husbands the first
season and broke up the team.-Chcago
Journal.
Johnny-Uncle. do you spell soda water
with a syphon 1.-THE Sketch.
New-York tribune., 1909-12-12

and were not going to be stuck there in
definitely. and I really didn't know what
70 answer. The men i'm the boat hollered
and hauled and swore in Gaelic, and finally
we were free for lfty feet. and then the
tide blew us in between two other piers.
Uncle said nc could nut feel that being
stuck twice on the same ferry was a poor
reward for kind hearted man who was
trying 10 the best Of his ability To give
some species Of instructive amusement 10
an innocent girl. and then he looked severe
iy at the setting sun while we came loose
again and progressed fifty feet more. \
great, thick wave came then and broke over
the horse and smashed us in so hard and
fast that l was honestly scared
Uncle was too mad for words lie said
that he would just make one remark, aud
that was that il he ever gave me a chance
10 beguile MIN away from civiliza ation again
he would cheerfully and contentedly ami
silently end his days on any ferry which
l would choose 10 designate to him. 1t
was getting cold. and I was SO tired from
yesterday that | just shut my eyes and did
rot speak az all, and when We came loose
Uncle spoke to me quite gently and was
very nice all tho rest of the way
We were too late for the train and have
come back 10 Carnac. / feel about done up.
New-York tribune., 1909-12-12

boat and came back 20 -. Malo without
"a ying please or thank you % soul lie
walked ia ON me and told me we We're 20
leave for Dol The neNt day. and for IIeaV-
ems sake not 10 remind him Of Aunt Jane
by asking questions.
! was dreadmlly upset bat Of course
never thought for a minute of reminding
him ~ Aunt Jane. 50 ! packed that evening
ara lofi q lettCr FOR Lee telling him please
not 10 bo feNoG, We took an early train
Tor Doi Ots always Del ia BrittanyD, and
in Dot wo changed Tor Rennes. or course
] drought thai rncie was chasing Miss
Clara Emily when , saw ihe train niarKed
Ernnes. but I didn't dare sav 81 word FOR
De- never spoke bgi once hftwefu Dol aud
R"nncs. and that tlne al D.. said WAS
''lIum."
Nc ftr"ifel ft.uuss. and z 'huugif We
would 60 90 aoi'i; 5ri ~ changed cars
sssin--this fiIae for l;e,lo~ Tn,la spoke
aeain. urd asked enc f ! had i'io Gaelic
gfrIunar handy J ssd no. arr De- said
"lium"
Then W 7srehcl Hedcn and changed cSrs
seain for AuIar GOING 10 Aursy- Uucle
sslfsd no vhsf became - Mre. Whalcu.
snd wh.u ] ioii him fIat Size rent 30
rerf 81 .af- Michel. b. ssld ifr husband
rss iuckv mar io i'e dcsd. Then ne
,sHls - hgrsy end chsHged rsrg for Plop-
strnsl and Z began 90 9ondo why -
oorr run m the .nd ~ Brittany into the
New-York tribune., 1909-12-12

ever else that interesting vesetaDie
grows In suffcient quantities to be con-
served by the Corporations say Hon
Punchout.
Great nations has efteniy made war
over less rsal-estate than that l re-
late shyly with Port Arthur expression.
.If private Persons behaved like
Great Nations they would go to jail
reproach he Them what can't anord
TO hire battleship had more better snug
gle down & be Diplomat"
What you call a Diplomat" l re-
quire.
"A Diplomat." say Giff, "are one who
have something 10 say and don't say u,
This are deliciou.ly difficult for me. be-
cause I was born Roosevelt Policy L
am ahead OF my time. i belong IN the
last Administration"
MANY Senators says you are disre-
spectfui 20 the Law" I deride sterniy'
MANY Senators is wrong" he dib. u
reverence the Law-yet I am not one
of them what would build a chicken
wire fence around the Law so that Com
mon people won't come too near il with
their dirty fingers. What-say Hon
Roosevelt about this? He-say. IF you
must break the Law. break il over the
head of a predatory Trust D."
Can you not still enjoy this sport
occasionally l dig out.
NO norer' say Gift with weeps. Such
boyish antix would not be understood in
the good old ia shioned days of Taft"
nat
ure TO be a Chief Forester" i snuggest-
ct have oftenIy thought of that" say
Gift Forestry are a wooden job and il
require a wooden man to run 10. With
all my faults I am not wooden. / am
deleriousIy human. 1 am Ideelist-snd
like many other Ideelists i got a morbid
& unhitched mind When / got my job
/ imagined that good Forester should
study trees. How thoughtless. A For
ester should study Politieks and let Mrs.
Nature take care of the trees. Tall Tim
ber Dept are right place for them what
can't learn this simple lesson"
But could Mrs. Nature took care of
the trees without Chaperone?" l alb
rupt.
II got a brite mind picture OF how the
West would look IL there was no public
Landscape Gardner TO watch the woods, "
say Gift. In about FIVE year times il
would look like a birds eye view Of Hon.
John ID. Rockfellow-it would look too
naked TO seem nice. There would be a
awful run on Natures Treasury-every-
body taking out. nobody putting in.
/ Them Yosemite Falls would make a neat
powerhouse to turn a button factory
New-York tribune., 1909-12-12
A CONFAB UPON WOODCRAFT
WITH CLIFFORD PINCHOT, FORESTER
He Draws for Togo Picture of What Would Become of
Our Forests Without Government Protection.

strange what happen to everything what
get 10 running round with that Greedy
old Party? Look al Serene OPain!
Look al the Constitution"
! attempt 10 do so.
Have America changed much in last
few 100 years." I ask alarmIy
You would scarcely know il for the
same place." he renig When Column
bus dishcovered il i'm l776 he was de-
lighted with its pretty appearance. He
TELEGRAPH back TO King Of Spain. Nat
ure are seen everywhere looking very
pure Since then Nature is under new
management Everything different. The
woods. once fun of cunning Indians
chasing the delusive deer. is now full
Of cunning cunninghams chasing the de-
lusive dollar. What has became of the
hardy Pianeer what formerly cleaned
uI' the Forest with axe & gun? You
will find him in Minneapolis. probably.
playing poker with Corporation Law
.er''
Large tracks OF land is oftenly
cleaned up in that way" / snagger.
Unless Public Conscience return to
America pretty soonly there will be no
property for poor folks TO camp on"
This from Hon. Gift
When are Public Conscience expect
ed back?" This from me.
Before 1872, / hopes" say he looking
oOaxingly in direction Of Africa.
Please tell me 20 or 20 amusing anec-
dotes about that Punchout- Ballinjer
fight now being enjoyed j depose
-Ain't no such thing as a Punchout-
Ballinjer fight" dib Hon. Gift with look
OF pOetick peev in his hanson eyes.
This are a false roomer started by
some truthless reporter. Are publick
men like VIM. Mules? Must they al
ways attempt 10 bite each other when
ever they are coupled together on some
Question? Should Hon. Cook enjoy de-
spise from Hon. Peary? Should Hon.
Wright make cross word 20 Hon. Cur
tiss? Should Hon. Jim JEFF do race
riots TO Hon. Jon johnson (colored)
why should they
They shouldn't. but they do" are
smart reply for me.
Hon. Rich Achilles Bsllinjer is a man
for which | entertain the deepest con-