The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-07-15
An Americans Adven-
turc In England.

I've lived IN England, and ] don't want
to live there any more. IN the first
place, they have as many annoyances
ms we have, II not more. In the sec
ond. their methods Of travel are anti
quated. especially railroad travel.
While was living in London Just
thought would like TO see something
that looked like virgin country. I'd
lived IN America, where I could hunt
real game and catch fish. don't
mean numbering tame deer In grove.
I mean shooting a wild moose In q
forest. ] got stuck on the idea one
day of going fishing In some of the
streams near London. I borrowed
some fishing tackle and took train,
getting out at station where they
told me there was stream. And In
the stream they led me to believe there
were fish. In the last part they lied to
me. There isn't any fish or game in
England that doesn't belong to some
one, usually to big lord whose ances-
tors shot wild game and caught wild
FISH thousand years ago.
sat down by the side of that stream
three mortal hours without seeing my
cork bob once. Then / leaned my back
up against a tree. still holding on to
my rod, and went to sleep. was
awakened by distant railway whis-
tie, and 1t suddenly occurred to me to
take the coming train to London. i
jumped up in hurry, reeled in my
line and made for the station, Just
reaching 1t In time. There were man
and woman In the compartment /
took farther corner and was settling
myself to continue my nap when the
woman got up and began to howl for
the guard. He didn't come quick
enough to suit her, and she pulled the
cord. The train slowed up, and when
the guard came along, trying to find
out what was the matter, she cried:
Let me out! rrs me out. Quick!"
He opened tie Icor, and she got into
another compartment, the man also
getting out at the same time.
The train went on. and I was won.
dering what had bothered them when
l felt something tickle my wrist.
felt and caught a black ant. Then I
saw that was alive with them. They
covered me from head to foot, crawled
down my neck, up my sleeves and my
trousers legs.
Well. there was in one of those
abominable English railway carriages,
locked in and a myriad Of ants getting
between my clothes and my skin every
second. II I'd been on a sensible
American railway I'd have gone into
the baggage car, stripped and shaken
them OH. However. there being no
one but myself in the compartment, I
started to get of my outer clothing.
Taking or my coat, / shook II out of
the window. Then / did the same with
my trousers. While was shaking the
trousers the train struck n curve, gave
lurch, and I dropped my trousers.
/ gasped for breath at my situation.
1t would have been bad enough in
America, but In England, where the
people are so afraid they'll see some
body with his clothing awry, the
thought OF people getting into the com.
partment with me. to hurry out on
seeing my want of costume, and my
arrival In London In that condition
was truly horrible. At the first station
several people started to come In, but
| got rid of them. / pretended / was
insane, making the most frightful faces
at them. At one station I saw pretty
girl coming, and before she got to the
door l began to talk gibberish and
laugh. 1t may seem funny. but I tell
you there was nothing funny in It at
the time. In this way l succeeded IN
driving people away, and at last, It
being reported to the guard that there
was an insane man In the compart-
ment, he made sure that couldn't es-
cape.
When we reached the London sta
tion fully half the passengers who got
off crowded around my compartment.
Most Of the men and some of the wo-
men waited while the authorities tele-
phoned to an asylum for keepers to
come and take me away. or course !
couldn't leave the car and go out be-
fore all these people with no trousers
on my legs. ! was ready to go to>an
insane asylum or anywhere else. pro.
vided they would cover me up. So
got ms far back In the carriage as /
could and waited.
When the officials came the guard
unlocked the door, and man came
into the car.
I'm not crazy" ! said. 1--WE lost
my trousers out OF the window"
That's all right" he said; come
along"
Look at my legs! DO you want to
take me out In this condition.
by Joye~ he exclaimed, taking In
the situation. Then TO the man be-
hind him he added, "Go to the ambu-
lance and get some blankets"
When the blankets came he wrapped
them around my legs, and the men
carried me through the crowd to the
ambulance, put me In and drove off.
was the happiest man In the three
Kingdoms.
On reaching the asylum was car-
ried into room. where sat wise look
Ing doctor, and stood upon the floor
before him. The blankets dropped
from my legs, and there I was In my
drawers But the doctor was an Eng
lishman, and an Englishman never
smiles except at the wrong time. How
ever ba lafauad IN mn story 7 kaax