Alaska sentinel., 1909-01-21
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Nigg-I have noiseless typewriter. Wagg-Is she a Philadel- phia Record.
 What ails me. doc?" asked the gen. ial clnbman. You need a job. You're suffering from everest New York Sun.
 Mrs. Benham-How much did you pay the minister when We were mar ried? Benham-He fined me five dol lars.-Harper's Weekly.
 Teacher-Now. children. what is the greatest enemy of poultry? Silence Teacher--Who eats the most poultry? Pupils-The minister .-Jugend (Mun- ich).
 The Lady-Llttle boy. don't you know smoking will shorten your life? The kid-Shueks Wot do I care? I've seen everything dere is.-Boston Tray. eler.
 Pat-I hear yer wolfe is sick Moike Mike-She Is thot. Pat-Is 1t danger ous she Is? Mike-Dlvil q bit Shes too weak to be dangerous any more = Brooklyn Life
 Facetious Friend (teasingly) Well. which rules-you or your wife? Mir ioungwed (with hauteur) You forget We can afford to keep a cook.-Baltl- more American.
 Stella-So your father handled him without gloves? Bela-Yes, and 1t would have been better for poor. dear George if he had done it without shoes. New York Sun.
 "The telephone is certainly a great in vention. Think of it! You can talk to your wife fifty miles away" That may be your experience. All I've been able to do is to listen"
 Have you" asked the judge of a re- gently convicted man. anything to of fer the court before sentence is passed:" No. your honor" replied the prisoner, my lawyer took my last dollar"
 T saw the majors wife at her win hoH thii Alllo il4'l liillP. DLN 4Dch'h 10 years old = You must be mistaken, your higbness no woman is as old as she looks In the morning .'-Fliegende Blaetter.
 'Why are you so veXed, IrmaT "l am so exasperated. I attended the meeting of the Social Equality League, and my parlor maid presided and had the audacity to call me to order three times "'-Fliegende Blaetter.
 Mulligan-The byes say ye licked poor Casey. Shure, he niver hurt iny mans feelin's. Harrlgan-He's a shnake in the grass The blackguard referred to me as his contimperary, and I'll be the contimperary to no man livin'.-Puck.
 Before we were married" said Mrs Chatterton, you used to tell me how much you loved me, but you never do now" "Of course not, my dear" re- piled the masculine partner. Since our marriage you haven't given me chance to tell you anything"
 Said a poet to an unfortunate Specu- lator: Don't you think that the open ing lines of Tennyson's little poem, Break. break, break are plaintive and sad!" Yes" was the melancholy re- ply. But I think that Broke, broke, broke, is a good deal sadder."
 "William," she said, means gocd kniayaI ypnn,Iar'- a flush mantled her cheek. "l wonder she softly murmured, what George means?" George means business, 1 hope" said mother, looking up from the wedding announcements in the paper.
 Anxious Mother-Nellie, dear. do you think that young Huggins, who has been calling on you twice a week for some time. Is matrimonially inclined: Pretty Daughter-Really, don't know what to think. mamma, dear He has such a knack of keeping one in the dark.
 Old Acquaintance-Why, old chap, a few years ago you were the best dressed man in town, but now your outfit is pretty shabby. Had a reverse? Companion-Well, you may call it that. The truth Is, I got married since, and now it's my wife that's the best dressed woman in town.
 Young Wife-To-morrow will be my birthday, dear. Young Husband You'll be twenty-one? Young Wife No: twenty-five. Young Husband Why, a year ago, just before our we'd ding, you told me you were only twen- ty. Young Wife-Yes, but have aged rapidly since our marriage.
 My friends said an itinerant preacher, the Scriptural rule for giv- Ing was one-tenth of what man pos sessed. If you feel you can't afford so much, just give sixth, or fourth, ac- cording to your means. We will dis pense with the next hymn and take up tho coll lactt m - iDDincOtt'S