The Washington herald., 1909-06-06
But in spite Of all temptations
To belong 70 other nations.
He remains an Engiishman.
Hunah

Hunah
For the true-born Englishmen
The Bah Ballads
Ny friend Seymour is an Englishman
with thin blond hair and a luxuriant
growth Of initials. His voice is mellow
lis pronunciation crisp: he speaks sell
dom and with almost telegraphic brevity
In short without drawing or saying
"Aw. really" after the fashion OF tht
Englishman Of stage and story. he is
as British as Fleet street in a fog. Fol
some years his home has been a Central
American plantation, situated exactly
sixty-seven miles from nowhere-ln-partic-
ular. and richly productive in such trOp-
ical crops as reptiles. fevers, bananas,
and ennui. When fever and ennui reach
out too eagerly for Seymour. he emu
lates his own bananas-boards the little
steamer and comes up TO New York. Al
the pier I meet him with a hanson. and
as we drive toward the club I extract
lacOnic mention of his latest fever, OF the
recent revolution, OF the pretty woman
on the ship. and Of the murder Of his
neighbors by their native workmen. Even
with so old a friend as I am he is a con-
versational pecan-he must be attacked
with a nut pick Of Interrogation.
Arrived at the club. 7 sit about his room
until dinner time. watching him unpack a
battered leather trunk (the badge of his
race and observing the utter abandon
ment with which he revels in ''all modern
Improvements pOrcelain-Iined tub.
electric light. stiff white shirt and cellar.
and tho ar-nufuu drngc 40 Nacurf rCorn
since the last time he came North When
he has dressed and been assured repeat
edly that his trousers do hang we'll and
that his collar does fit. we wander out OF
doors turn the corner. and stroll down
Fifth avenue. speaking OF the new build
ings and the trimness of the women s
costumes. Presently we reach that large
French restaurant where those who wish
10 dine we'll amid gay vulgarity and
noise. are wont TO gather Here. by
means Of an excessive bribe given a
spidery head waiter. we secure an ad-
vantageOus table. whence we may OBJ
serve the other diners.
The dazzling light the gaudy deCOra-
tiOns. the effective scents and costumes
Of the women, the well-cooked dinner,
and the well-cooled wine, the loud talk
and the clamOr of the strident orchestra
(playing the latest Broadway song hit'D
the whole bizarre effect fills Seymour
with a strange cOntentment. a sort Of ex-
hilarated reverence He says something
about its being good 90 be back in Cod s
own country" and though he says il in
his normal. well-bred voice I know. in
some occult way, that be has spoken with
feeling Of course 1 don't dispute the
statement Which Of us might not con
fuse Gods and MammOns after living
on a tropical plantation?
My story Gf. indeed. it is a story deals
with a conversation between Seymour
and a man 10 whom introduced him as
we took our coffee after dinner, the last
time he was here.
The other man is an American
thriving sprig Of young Iowa. I fancy.
grated (and grating. If YOU liked on
the ancient tree Of New York Commerce.
He is massive His thick, short-cropped
hair Is parted in the middle; likewise his
name-Jack c. Mix. Though he has the
usual allotment of eyes they are not
conventional in their proportions. Set in
the broad eXpanse of his fat. vigorous
face. they suggest the little optics Of
self-cOntented elephant. And any fea-
ture must seem relatively small on such
a physiOgnomy His mouth. for in
stance. never see him without marvel
ing that so vast a quantity Of converse
ton can be discharged through such an
insufficient vent II ever mortal was de-
signed by nature TO fill a certain niche
in life. Mix was cut out 70 be sales
men" drummer. I had almost said-fOr.
added 10 his weight and words. he has
a most aggressive manner. He IS an
arm waver. a table FOUNDER.
Mix was dining on the other side Of
Fra
speak with me because Of business-he
sells advertising space in street cars. and
has long had the company with which
I am connected marked Tor his prey.
Through his frequent calls, in search OF
business. I had come TO be acquainted
VIII HIM ia sort Of way indeed 'is
exaggerated personality has had a horrId
fascination for me- So. when he came
over TO our table. I introduced him D
Seymour, and invited him 10 sit with Us
for coffee.
Il saw you eating over here" he re-
marked dropping his great bulk into
chair, "and I figured you'd be lookin
for me- I s'pose you've got that con-
tract all signed and ready. in your
pocket2' CThis was persihage-I had re-
peatedly assured him that we would not
advertise in street cars) See that man
/ EOI over llere. ne continued. nat
Thomas F. Riley, third vice president OF
the Federal Food Company. He's N
pretty bad shape. I been shown him
the town since yesterday afternoon"
He grinnad- Kind of a windup 10
contract he gave me. Twenty-Five thOus-
and dollars Yes, sir; twenty-five
thou-san1.' With each word he brought
q ham-like fist heavily 10 the table.
7 have been soliciting the Federal food
people two years" he went on I've
called on Riley blamed near every week.
He had a fresh kid at the gate who'd
try TO fiag me. but I'd tell him, Lie down.
FidOr and butt right past and into Riley's
plateglass cage He's an awful crouch al
first. Riley He'd just tumble the papers
on his desk and not look up ar speak
But I'd go right on talking; I know the
psychology Of men like him." CHe said
psychology" as though IL was word
he relished).
Most discomteous.' said Seymour
crlsply. He seemed much interese&d In
what Mix had been saying
"Oh, I don't mind said Mix. indiffer-
entity 1T takes all kinds Of fish 10 make
a world. Riley's the sort that treats folk
rough. and likes 10 be treated rough him
seif. once he called in his Office boy and
yelled; What d'you mean by lettin' this
man in2 Didn't I tell you 10 keep him
out2 -
Most disconcerting. said Seymour
NO, not when you're used TO Il" said
Mix shaking his huge head. II just told
him: Cut that out Riley. You'd ought
10 have better sense than TO think kid
Ike that could stop me-. Another time:
Get out" he says. I told you I hadn't
time 70 talk to YOU You better make
time, I says. Are you going out. or wait
till I have you thrown oUT SAYS Riley.
Meg I says: oh. I'll watt stood there
a while. but he didn't make move only
fused with naners Inok a-here Rileu