New-York tribune., 1909-10-02
TIE TALK OF THE DAY.

Chicago's new chief of police. Colonel lie Roy T
Steward, has issued at least one minor order that
is likely 10 make him unpopular in a limited circle.
He has decreed that hereafter ambulances and
patrol wagons shall carry spirits Of ammonia for
reviving victims Of accidents instead of brandy.
'I think the ammonia will last longer than the
brandy" explained Chief Steward. The brandy
is sometimes gone by the time ambulance crew
reaches its destination. Also, ammonia is cheaper
and just effective
Wantanno-Why do you call that boy OF yours
Duzno-Because he Just naturally shrinks from
washlng.-Ttt-Btts-
Major Sylvester, Washington's chief of police
has made what The Post" calls "a wise and
timely suggestion" that the horde OF guides in the
capital be subjected TO examination as to their
f.tress and be compelled to pay license fee The
Post" says: 1T is a step which should have been
taken long ago, and the proposal cannot be put
into execution too soon. for some Of the Washing
ton guides have displayed fund OF information
which, if generally accepted, would necesstate the
rewriting of many Of the chapters OF national his
tory Not long ago OF these historians
heard describing 10 an open-mouthed gathering Of
credulous victims how Sherman marched his army
TO the sea over the Anacostia Bridge. pointing 10
the bridge in the distance prove his render
Ing Of history, while his auditors responded with
a chorus of 'Oh's' ana 'Ah's'''
C,ustorner-Do you keep stove lifters in here?
Grocers Clerk-Not the iron ones, madam But
we can give you pint of kerosene Boston Tran
script
They have q happy way Of settling great affairs
of state in Venezuela. They used 10 do IL by
force Of arms but they have Outgrown that
mediseval method just as men have stopped spear
ing each other for Woman's love. The Venezue-
lans are strong supporters Of lotteries and other
forms Of gambling, they have hit upon the
idea of settling the destiny OF the nation in similar
manner When President Gomez organized recently
a council of government there were two men. Gen
eraI Roando and General AyaIa. with equal claims
4,~, . = r~.-{I b -
responds TO the Vice-Presidency Of the republic
Not being able make UP his mind President
Gomez settled the question by having the two
candidates draw slips OF paper out OF a hat. Gen
eral AyaIa drew the lucky number. and General
Roando had 10 hang his own hat on the second
peg.
You know woman was once the head Of the
NO need to speak Of that in the past tense q"
replied her husband meekly-PhiIadelphia Ledger
Gross Admiral Won Roster at hts hotel head
quarters one day last week the restaurant
for luncheon. One OF the number ordered raw
oysters. and when they were served called the
waiter TO task for having forgotten the cheese
Cheese? p" asked the waiter Did you say cheese
with your oysters?" Yes: and hurry" The mar
said that he had eaten his first raw oysters AZ
Hamburg. There they served them on large
wooden platters and no one thinks Of eating az
oyster there without taking cheese with IL
In fact. ne explained. without the cheese N.
oyster is poisonous A man at a neghboring table
no had heard the cheese-oyster dissertation
called 10 waiter. Bring .lice OF water
melon. and don't forget the catsup and the cologne
water,
why don't You try to add something 10 the
social system SAID the man who prosperous but
severe. Why don't you take part in the arrairs
about you%'
Ross replied Plodding Pete. de line Of talk
you're unreelin' sounds ungmteful You don't
recognize de share has in maxim II interestn' an
eAcitin' fur YOU an your friends.
''Wnat possible importance do YOU claim"
I'm one g. de felers dat does fancy steps gettin'
out de way when your chauffeur tOOts de honk''
Washington Star.