The Washington herald., 1909-01-17
JOE MILLER'S S JESTS
Some of the WheezeS in the Famous but Little KHown
VoIume-Probably Author Not Wit.

indt ne SHCuiu ESl8euiDcEs tiS Vas niaCS
t'other day; it is a great while, master,
sin / was made
Sir William Davenant. the poet, had no
nose and in going along the News one
day a beggar woman followed MIN. cry
ing. All. God preserve your eyesight. sir:
the Lord preserve your eyesight' Why.
good woman asked ne. do you pray so
much for my eyesightT All dear, sir,
answered the woman. II II should please
God that you should STOW dim-sighted
you have no place TO hang your spec
tacles or
"A person was SAYING naught az all TO
the purpose that Samson was very
strong man. Ay.' said another. but you
are much stronger, for you make nothing
Of Juggling him IN by the head and
shoulders
a certain noble lord asked a clergy
man once at the bottom OF his table why
the goose. II there was one, was always
placed next TO the parson2 Really said
he. ! can give no reason for i: but your
question is so odd I shall never see q
goose for the future without thinking Of
your lordship.'
"A gentleman having lent a guinea FOR
pE0mises he had not much faith in was
very much surprised to find that he pune
tualIy kept his word with him: the same
gentleman. being some time after dssir-
Gus Of borrowing the ike sum. was met
with this reply, No you have deceived
me once, and 7 am resolved you shan't
DO it a second time.
My Lord Craven. in King James Is
reign. was very desirOus 20 see Ben jon
son. which. being told to Ben. he went
TO my lords house, but being IN very
tattered condition. as poets sometimes
are the porter refused him adn1ittance
with some saucy language, which the
other did not fail TO return Ny lord.
happening 10 come out while they were
wrangIing. asked the occasion Of il Ben.
/ who stood in need Of nobody 70 speak
I for MIN. said he understood his lordship
! desired TO see him You, friendy asked
my lord. who are you? Ben JonsOn.'
replied the other. No. no quoth nv
/ lord. YOU cannot be Ben Jonson. who
wrote the Silent Woman" you look as
If you could not say boo 70 g goose.
/ Boo. cried Ben Very we'll said nv
/ lord. who was better pleased at the Joke
than offended at the a1front. I an cor
WINGED TOW by your Wit that you are
Ben Jonsen.'
I Daniel Purcell. the famous punster.
and friend Of his. having & desire 10
drink a glass OF wine together upon the
/ 90th Of January. they went 20 the Saiuta-
/ ton Tavern. upon HoIborn Hil. and. find
/ ing the door shut. they knocked at Il. but
+ Il was not opened 10 them. Only one OF
I the drawers looked through the little
wicket and asked what they would please
TO have 'Why, open your door said
Daniel and draw Us pint of wine The
drawer said his master would not allow
OF il that day, for i was q fast Hang
/ your master replied he. for a precise
( coxcomb. Is he not contented 20 fast
himself. but he must make his doors fast
too2'
The same gentleman. calling for some
short pipes IN q tavern, complained they
were too short The drawer saie they
I had no other. and they were but just
come in. Ay' said Daniel. I see yOu
/ have not bought them very long
The same gentleman. as he had the
: character OF q great punster. was desired
! one night in company by a gentleman 70
make a pun extempore. Upon what sub
/ ject2' asked Daniel. The King. answered
I the other The King, sir. said he, IS
no subject
''One Mr.. Topham was so very tall ard
I large that II he were living now he might
be shown az Yeate's Theater for q sight
I This gentleman went one day TO inquire
I for q eountryrnaR a little way out OF
town. and when he came to the house he
+ looked IN at the little window over the
door and asked the woman who sat by
the FIRE If her husband was al home.
/ No sir said she but II you please 70
-
my Lord B had married three
wives, who were ali his servants; 6 beg
gar woman, meeting him one day IN the
street. made him z very low cur1esy
| All. bless your IorGship.' said she, and
send you a long life. If you do but live
I long enough. We shall all be ladies' in
time
When Oliver first coined his money
an old cavalier looking upon one OF the
new pieces. read ne inscription on one
side. God with US; on the other, The
/ Commonwealth OF England 7 see said
/ he God and the Commonwealth are on
different sides
! col Bond. who had been one OF King
Charles Is judges. died a day OF two
/ before Oliver, and il was strongly re-
/ ported everywhere that Cromwell vas
/ dead. NO. said a gentleman who knew
better. he has only given Bond 10 the
I devil for his further appearance
"A gentleman being al dinner Al a
/ friends house. the first thing that came
upon the table was q dish Of Writings,
and one being put upon his plate he
/ found it 10 smell so strong that he could
not eat q BIT OF it. but he laid down his
mouth TO the fish as II he was whispering
with il and then he took Up the plate
and put it to his own ear. The gentle
man at whose table he was inquiring into
the meaning he told him that he had
/ had brother lost az sea about a fort
night ago. and that he was asking the
/ FISH II he knew anything about him. And
what answer made he?' said the gentle
man. He told me-. said he that he
could give no account Of him. for he had
not been at sea these three weeks
"A midshipran one night in company
with Joe Miller and myself told Us that
being once in great danger ar sea every
body was observed TO he upon their knees
but one man. who. being called upon 10
come with the rest OF the hands 10
prayers. said. Not I. It is your business
to take care OF the ship. an but Pas
senger.'
Two gentlemen disputing about relis-
ion IN Buttons coffee house, said or4
Of them. I wonder, sir. you should talk
about religion when I'll hold you FIVE
guineas you can't say the Lords Prayer
Done said the other. and Sir Richard
Steele shall hold stakes The money
being deposited. the gentleman began
with believe in God and so went clsv-
erly through the Greed Well said the
other, own I've lost: I did not think
he could have done IL
Manners. who was himself but istsly
made Earl Of Rutland. told Sir Thomas
Nora y,s vraS too v7,r5ch eIafad h- his --a-