davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

taking stock of his condition, exclaimed:
why. daddy. your feet are cold. your
hands are cold. and your nose is cold.
"Wa'al. let EN- be cold"
wy. daddy you're goin' TO die"
"Wn'al. | guess know what I'm
bout
Daddy. watts 10 BEGUN Of me if you
dep
Il dunno. and don't care. Wat /
want to know is. waits to BEGUN of
me?'-Boston Globe.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Diverse Tactics.

Both boys had been rude TO their moth
er She put them to bed earlier than
usual. and then complained to their ia
Their about them. So he started up the
stairway. and they heard him coming.
Here comes papa said Maurice.
I'm going TO make believe i'm asleep.
I'm not" said Harry I'm going TO
set up and put something on. "-Chrstian
AdYocate
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
The Late Henry Rogers.

The late Henry Rogers, discussing
once with u reporter the idea of govern
ment work for the unemployed in hard
times. said:
Economic conditions can't be bettered
by manufacturing work for men TO do.
Such economic ideas remind me of Tim
Greeley of Fairhayen
Tim marketed his mess during the
war. Cracked eggs used to be sold for
half price at the canteen. Tim walked
in one day with market basket and
said
Gimme two dozen best cracked
eggs
. Cracked eggs all out Tim, said the
sutler.
Tim nodded toward the egg crate in
the corner.
well. crack lis some, will YEP said
he.'-Rochester Herald.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
The Long Ride for Him.

This is where you get off, said the
railroad conductor
But | haven't rid fur enough" said
the Billyille man.
Can't help that, You can't 70 any
further on this ticket"
My friend said the man, its the
fust time | ever rid ON railroad train,
an eff YOU amt bette: man than what
l am I'm a-goin' to set right here till
see whar the road ends, know it must
end some'rS. an I'm curious To see whar.
Here's one more dollar. Now, so long,
an le'mc aloneH Atlanta Constitution.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Anecdote of sheridan.

Sheridan was at Winchester twenty
miles away, when he heard the news
AS usual" he muttered. angrily
The last trolley has just gone and I
shall have to nag it."
Whereupon he sprang upon his
horse and got TO the rear in time to
turn it into the front with few we'll
chosen words.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
The Copy Boy on Vacations.


it is few doubt BY hoky poke
II these vacations amt a joke
Or il with 2 weeks idly spent
One amt more tired than when he went
the eager wurkingman about
tew vacate fairly dasheS out
and leaves dust swirl in his track
but 10 A snail could beat him back
departing with nimble leap
He Gums back perishng for sleep
and in the measured thrib and buzz
of industry That's what he does
casual survey about
Discovers who was last man out
the sunburned fellow with his head
upon his desk three quarters ded
in him reSpires a better air
And all his nerves are in repair
and If you could but weigh his brane
ii would reveal helthy game
his shoulders stopped from Wurking late
with two weeks respite are made straight
And as for cleaTness In the he'd
hiho They've sent him home tew bed
CLARK McManus in ST Louis Post-Dis
patch.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Oyeroptimistic.

'Bliggins says he is determined to
look on the pleasant phase of every
thing
Yes. But he is carrying that desire
too far. He is getting so that the
fancy penmanship on a mortgage or a
promissory note commands his en-
thusiastic admiration" - Washington
Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
The Higher Criticism.

There is a bit of biblical humor that
| fear would hardly do for Life" -
Elisha went off to the desert with his
master and returned without said master.
but with all his yaluahles. viz, one
cloak and use of office
He knew his audience. SO he told them
that the prophet had gone up in a
flaming, fiery chariot, bestowing the val
tables ON him
And they never even looked for the
body i'll the sand. Bolton Hall in The
Fra.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Which Was the Head of the House?

Willie'S grandmother had some to visit
him,
Willie 10y way of conversation.
No dear. I'm your grandmother on
your fathers side
Well" said Willie decidedly de was
an observing little fellow, all | got to
say is you're on the wrong side Fly
erNhodN's Magazine.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
No Summer Gao.

Is it hot enough for you?
II guess so" meekly replied the man
addressed.
Then with "A 6dm yet tender touch
his wife clapped the mustard plaster on.
Philadelphia Ledger.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
A Tragic Episode.

why is Ethelinda crying so bitter
ly?" asked the fond mother.
It's my mistake, as usual" answer
ate up the things she made at cook
ing school instead of saving them TO
show to visitors. "-washington Star.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

A peculiar instance of connuhial af-
lection occurred some time ago in Yer
mont. An aged couple, who through half
a century of married life had wrangled
with each other, were in all probability
soon to be separated The husband was
taken sick and was believed to be near
his end. The old wife came to his he'd
side and, after carefully examining and
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
z w Aver

+. w. Aver, the well known adyer-
Using agent at the dinner in Philadel-
phia in honor of his firms fortietb an
niversary, said that to succeed in adj
vertising required hard work
The successes in this business are
stupendous," he said, but some folks
think they come easily Some folks think
that. working as Roebottom of Camden
worked, a man can build up great ad-
vertising fortune.
'Roebottom was a roofer He was en-
gagged on a Micllle street house. One day.
as he was lunching he vas heard to give
yell of pain.
What the matte, Koebottomg a car
penter asked
1 got a nail in my foot, the roofer
answered.
= Well, why don't you pull it outT
said the carpenter.
What! In my dinner hour? yelled
Roebottom reproachfully. st. Louis
Globe Democrat.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
In the Fighting Belt.

May | ask you question:"
Sure, stranger
why is everybody in the section
mixed up in a feudT'
We'll. nohuddy keers to take chances
on being an innocent bystauder."-
Louisville Courier-Journal
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Tragedy Of a Dark Night

Mud thus spoke SeweIl Ford:
1t was dark night \ man was rid
ing Il bicycle with no lamp He came
to a crossroads. and did not know which
way to turn He felt in his pocket for
a match. He found but one Climbing
to the top of the 2ole, he lit the match
carefully and in the ensuing glimmer
rpud
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

If Luther Burbank is so smart, why
handles on them to carry them By?
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

The summer sailor at the beach
Was scared Of women To fault,
In fact most of all Of them agreed
He wRs a backward summer salt
st Louis Star
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
TALES OF PUBLIC MEN
Lawrence ]. Anhalt.

Lawrence j. Anhalt. business manager
for David Wanield, brings in from the
road the story of the manager Of a thrill
ing meldorama. in one scene of which a
husband enters one door an instant after
an admirer of his wife has made his exit
from another. During a run Of a week
IN one city the manager noticed that one
man. obviously from the country went
in every night. Finally he remarked 10
the man that he must enjoy the perform
ance.
'Toierably IS" replied the playgoer.
but some night that husband is going
To catch that other Teller. aud | want
to he on hand To- see what happens -
Lippincott's.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
On Oath.

The Court-Nou will swear that the
prisoner stole Your umbrella.
The Paintiff-You honor. | viii swear
that he stole the umbrella | WAS car
rying.-Cleyeland Leader.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

Josh--Do You think there win ever be
any radical change in the style of mems
hats?
Bosh-Not unless somebody nvente
hat that will cover the bald spot on the
back of the head.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

Guest-Why have you put this soup
at the head of the list?
Waiter-We have it at the head he
cause it is noodle soup.-St. Louis Star
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

Prospective Purchaser-It seems to be
a good dog
Dealer-Fine.
Prospective Purchaser-Long pedigree ?
Dealer-Three inches longer than any
other dog Of its kind in the state.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

And many a man has piled up a
fortune by minding his own business.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
Classified.

Stella-Of what classes does mankind
consist?
Bella-rhe Superman, middlemau and
only man. Judge.
So
The worst thing that can be said
about him ~ that he has no intimate
friends"
When man has no intimate friends
there Is no one TO say bad things about
him. Houston Post
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24
WET PAINT
The Shy Sailor

..sss s.-.-
-Everybody's Magazine
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-09-24

Beware of the barkless dog and the
silent enemy.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
RECLAIM THIS LAND.

1t is interesting and encouraging to
know that the government is busy
on work looking to the reclamation OF
more land in this county 1t is true
the work now being done is of a pre-
liminary nature and it may be years
before another project is undertaken
in the west end of the county.
But that the reclamation service will
eventually undertake another project
in this section can scarcely be doubt
ed. In the west end of this county
and in the northeastern part of Nor
row there lies about 100000 acres of
desert land. All Of this land may be
made into beautiful and fertile farms
If it can but be watered.
The land spoken of lies at such an
elevation that it may be watered from
the Umatilla river Furthermore there
is enough water in the Umatilla to re.
claim at least 100, 900 additional acres
provided storage reservoirs are used.
According to the government reports
the flow of the river at Yoakum am
cunts to $4,000 acre feet per annum.
At Umatilla the annual discharge am
cunts to 505,000 acre feet. 1t takes
from three to four acde feet of stored
water to reclaim an acre of desert.
So it is to been seen that the flow of
the river is sufficient to reclaim be-
tween 10000 and 100000 acres of
arid land. At this time the combined
projects of the west end embrace a
total of only about $4,000 acres. In
other words as a reclamation stream
the Umatilla is now being used to but
one third of its capacity.
With the water flowing down the
river and with the thirsty land along
side the stream it is inevitable that
further irrigation projects will be un-
dertaken in this county. Seemingly
the greatest problem now is that per-
tanning to reservoir sites. May the
reclamation men easily solve this
problem as well as all others and soon
proceed with the reclamation of land
west of the Umatilla.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
DUTY ON GRAIN BAGS.

In the United States senate on June
26 Senator Jones of Washington made
an effort to have grain bags placed
upon the free list Of course he was
unsuccessful. for the men who are
changing the tariff are not revising
it for the benefit of the consumers
But the discussion which arose over
the Washington senator's effort in be-
half of the farmers of the inland en-
pire makes interesting reading.
In the past the duty upon products
from jute yarns was five-eighths of a
cent per pound. In the senate the
other day Senator Aldrich reduced the
tax to one half a cent per poun l.
Senator Jones moved to exempt stand
ard calcutta grain bags from duty,
He then explained regarding the
method of disposing of the wheat crop
OF eastern Oregon and Washington,
stating that it is necessary to ship the
wheat in bags; that practically no
grain bags are made upon the coast
and that il is necessary to import
some 25,OOO,OOO or 3O,000,OOO bags
annually from Calcutta. He showed
that as grain bags are used only upon
the Pacific coast the tariff on bags
constitutes a local tax. Furthermore
since the wheat is mostly exported the
tariff is in reality an export rather
than an import tax.
In support of the move for free
grain bags Senator Tillman of south
Carolina Joined with Senator Jones.
He called attention to the fact that In
the south some 100000 tons Of fer
tilizer is used annually. This ferti-
lizer has to be sacked in order to reach
the farmers and it takes 10 sacks to
the ton. So the south uses annually
4O,0OO,OO0 burlap bags for this pur-
pose AS the sulfuric acid in the fer
tilizer rots the sacks they may be used
but once.
But the plea in behalf of the farm
ers fell upon deaf ears. Senator AL
drich insisted he could not stand for
placing the grain bags upon the free
list since some grain bags are made
in America, and lined his minions up
with the following, "Of course it is abb
solutely impossible from my stand
point that any protectionist should
vote to put these articles upon the
free list" It was with difficulty that
Senator Jones secured a yea and nay
vote and then the result stood 33 to
25 against the placing of grain bags
upon the free list.
Thus it happened that the farmers
o. the west and the south were less
influential with the United States CEN
ate than were the few concerns that
manufacture grain bags in the United
States and therefore stand to profit
by a continuance Of the duty on grain
bags. d
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
THE RoCK-A-BY LADY.

The rock-a-by Lady from HushaO,
street
Comes stealing; comes creeping;
The poppies they hang their heac
to their feet
And each hath dream that is tiny
and fleet
She brlngeth her poppies to you, my
sweet,
When she findeth you sleepingl
There is one little dream of a beau
tiful drum
"Rub-a-dub!" it goeth;
There is one little dream of a bis
sugar plum,
And so, thick and fast the other
dreams come,
OF pop-guns that bang, and tin tops
that hum,
And a trumpet that bloeth!
And dollies peep out of these wee
little dreams
With laughter and singing;
And boats go a-floating on silvery
Streams
And the stars peek-a-boo with their
own misty CLEANS,
And up, up and up, where the Mother
Moon beams
The fairies go winging
Would you dream all these dreams
that are tiny and fleet,
They'll come to you sleeping;
SO shut the two eyes that are weary,
my sweet,
For the Rock-a-by lady from Hush
ably street,
With poppies that hang from her
head to her feet,
Comes stealing; comes creeping.
Eugene Field
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

air, receiving no impetus save that
from its own propeller.
The aeroplane, devised by the
Wright brothers, must be launched in
to the air at considerable speed be-
fore 1t can sustain itself. Before rls-
ing into the air the aeroplane must
run for some distance along an en-
cline in order to get up speed. Con.
sequently aeroplanes as now made,
may ascend only from aeroplane
sheds.
For successful aerial navigation it
may readily be seen that a machine
must be devised that will be able to
rise by its own power alone so that it
may ascend from any manner or
place. II is inevitable that in cruis-
ing through the air the airship of the
future will have to descend to the
earth at random points. SO 1t is high
II necessary to have a machine that
may rise at will 1t is also necessary
to have a machine that may sustain
itself in the air without forward or
backward motion. This the aeroplane
cannot do as yet.
If the helicoptre proves the success
that is hoped for it we will then have
a machine that may sail to noun
tain tops, alight and then soar away
again; may be carried aboard ships
and used for countless other purposes.
If the inventors of the helicoptre,
whose names by the way are scarcely
can but perfect their ma
chine so that it may be put to practical
use they will come into fame equal
to if not greater than that which now
surrounds the Wright brothers.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
ALMOST CONQUERED.

If the helicoptre has proven a sue
cess. as is claimed, then the problem
of aerial navigation has about been
solved. The helicoptre is an air trav-
eller that lifts itself off the earth by
dynamic power. The machine has
been devised by couple Of men liv-
ing near Washington, d. c., and when
they made their first trial trip last
week the helicoptre sailed into the
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
As a Start.

The proud confectioner had opened
his new shop and was putting few
finishing touches to his stock.
The center Of attraction in his win
dow was an immense sugar tiger,
and, that it might look as realistic
as possible, pair Of brilliant glass
eyes had been inserted.
A crowd of children assembled out
side, and when everything was ar
ranged to the confectioner's satisfac-
ton, he stood gazing in admiration at
his grand display. He did not notice
the entry Of small boy until smart
rap on the counter announced that
his first customer had arrived.
Gents worth o. tiger-piece with
the eye in'' demanded the youngster.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
AUTO TOWS AERO.

George Thompson, a former jockey
and an old-tlmer at the Morris Park
race track, rode twice around the
track yesterday in the Martin aero
plane just arrived from Canton, o.
The machine had no motor, so it was
towed by an automobile at a speed of
about thirty miles an hour. The tow
rope was about 100 feet long, and the
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07
ELECTRIC SPARKS.

The largest electric transmission
line in the world is that of the Nj
agara-Syracuse-Auburn line which
transmits 10000 horsepower a dis
tance of 16S miles. The Colgate
plant, Yuba River, Cal, connects via
Oakland and Mission San Jose to a
line 222 miles in length This plant
has a capacity of 1880 kilowatts
and there are over 100 sub-stations
on 1875 miles of circuit on the sys-
TEN,
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

speed kept the aeroplane at height
of from ten to fifteen feet from the
ground.
The Martin aeroplane is a novel
form. Martin will continue expert
menting with it here in New york.
New York Sun.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

The rain cooled the atmosphere,
settled the dust and helped the spring
grain. Nature was very kind.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

The reclamation service has done
we'll with one project in this county
May they now try another.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

The weather man seems to have
had some sympathy for those who
have had to stay at home.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

The Indians camped at Cayuse af-
forded some good entertainment all
though the "stage management" is
poor.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

THE LIFE OF MAN.

+ Like to the falling of star,
+ Or as the flights of eagles are,
+ Or life the fresh springs gaudy
+ hue.
+ or silver drops of morning dew,
+ or like the wind that chafes the
+ flood;
+ Or bubbles which on water
stood
+ Fen such is man, whose bor-
+ rowed light
+ Is straight called in and paid
+ tonight,
+ The wind blows out. the bubble
+ dies,
+ The spring entombed in autumn :
+ lies,
+ The dews dried up, the star is
+ shot, :
+ The flight is past, and mans .
T. forgot
+ Francis Beaumont, :
= + : 1. + + 4. i {. go + = +
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Pendleton must have park sys-
TEN before another year passes. Help
work for it.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Men employed in logging camps
near Astoria were paid over $4,000
in wages Saturday.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Some of the electric light and pow
er companies ef Minnesota rent
vacuum cleaners to their customers
for a nominal sum each day.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

SUBSCRIBERS TO MAGAZINES, II
you want to subscribe to magazines
or newspapers In the United States
or Europe, remit by posta; note.
check, or send to the EAST ORE
CONAN the net publishers price
Of the publication you desire, and
we will have 1t sent you. 1t will
save you both trouble and risk. II
you are q subscriber to the EAST
OREGONIAN, in remlttlng you can
deduct ten per cent from the pub
lisher's price. Address EAST
OREGoNIAN PUB. CO., Pendle-
ton, Ore.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

A new invention entirely dispenses
with the telegraph operator in rail-
road work. Each train as it passes
over the road automatically makes a
record on a sheet in the train dis
patcher's office. By means of red
and green lamps and a gong the dis
patcher can at any time signal direct
to the engineer to stop, slow down or
proceed.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Where there's a will there seems to
be way to contest it.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Medford will soon add over eight
miles Of water mains, making over 20
miles in all.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

Electric apparatus is used in Ger
many for producing hydrogen and
oxygen for brazing and welding with
an ozyhydrogen blow pipe.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1909-07-07

One pound of 16-candle power tung-
stem lamp filaments costs $500 and it
takes 100000 of these filaments to
make a pound. In the pea lamp, the
smallest incandescent lamp made, 54,-
100000 filaments make a pound at a
cost Of 100000.
Snow slides, billiards. and rock
slides play such havoc with the tele-
graph lines in the Yukon country that
wireless systems will be substituted
where these troubles prevail
A measure has been passed by the
Connecticut legislature providing for
the compulsory extension of tele-
phone lines.
New York City will have a new fire
alarm system costing 100000.
About 100000 automobiles are now
in use in the United States, of which
10000 are electric. About $4,000 Of
the total number are owned in New
York state.-Electrica Notes.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1909-03-31
A Sponge That Works.

Here Is clever notion--a fog bell.
said III old New England fisherman.
On u bleak. gray afternoon they
stood ut the seashore-the old man and
his city cousin from Boston. A great
bell hung from scaffold. and under
a metal cover hung a great sponge
This here machinery Is wound W
regular" the fisherman explained, land
this here sponge is kept under cover 81
as the rain can't get at it. In dry
weather, materially. the sponge is dry
and light; In foggy. though. It gets
heavy with fog solicitations. just
heavy enough for to press down the
lever that starts the machinery a-going
Then. ding-dong. ding-dong, sounds the
bell In the fog. savin' many fisher
man from wreck on this rock bound
coast" -E1change.
Lexington gazette. [volume] (Lexington, Va.) 1871-1962, 1909-03-31
l,uckier Than Swastika.

A new good luck emblem has been
found.
It's discoverer-cynics might remark
its inventor-says it Is 5000 years old
and that 1t brings far more good luck
to Its wearer than the swastika-for
instance. health, money, love, friends.
happiness-scarcely any good thing Is
left out of its catalogue. 1t is in the
form Of T with the center bar quite
long and the suggestion Of horseshoe
across the center Of the top.
II you are superstitious add this to
your collection Of good luck emblems.
But, as a tip. don't sit down with hap
by folded hands and expect all these
blessings to come to you. The worlds
experience has usually been that II
you want these good things Of life
you must get up and amble after them
quite hurriedly.