davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

ITS not too early 10 begin your Christ
mas shopping" says the Des Moines
Tribune. We think, however. it IS entirely
too early for the photographers to begin
urging that view.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

What are port rates. anyhow inquiries
the Macon Telegraph. Just as soon as we
have explained What IS a Democrat?"
why is a cucumber and When is
tariff revision downward we shall GER
tainly untangle the Telegraph's puzzle.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Nearest They Come

Does anybody ever really try to lick
an editOrG"
Can't say they do" replied the pro-
prietor OF the Plunkville Palladium.
sometimes they threaten to lick US
over the telephone"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
4 YnTninr Vol

mo mere mortal" declared the profess
sor in astronomy "ean comprehend the
immensely OF space"
I think I can" ventured one OF his
auditors
And why your
I have a daily humorous column 70
fill up"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Wherein We Are Deficient.

From the ST. Louis Republic.
We have learned how to telegraph
without wires and fly without gas bags,
but the antidote for a common. ordinary
cold still mocks the foiled searchings OF
the human race.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Nof Hnrd tn PIenne

Girls demand 50 much these days"
"Oh, don't know. Take the average
girl on street car ride and she'll declare
that she has had the time Of her life"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

There is something worth while be-
sides filling barrels with gold.' says John
d. Rockefeller. Certainly. II other peo-
pie did not I'LL their barrels with kerosene
OIL. for instance, Mr.. Rockefeller could
not I'LL his with gold
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

Frum the New York Mail
sopho-Rusher gained a yard IN the
game.
Fresho-Yes. but the doctor said. ne lost
foot
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

a New Jersey man claims TO have seen
two ghosts engaged in vicious combat re-
Gently. Competition in New Jersey is
almost exclusively 70 ghosts.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
LuIInbfes.

When Boston babies yell and shrek
And won't be pacihed with Greek.
The Boston nursey saves the day
By carOling a Sanskrlt lay.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
mimi of Wind IT Omitn.

From the Thorntown Gad.l Times.
Don't get mad at what a newspaper
says about yoW Be thankful at what It
doesn't say.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

There is this view OF il. however.
Suppose an SIS suit Of clothes does cost
S23 under the new tariff; II you cannot
raise the SIS anyway, what difference
does II make?
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

The most charming thing about the
average SOutherner's pronunciation OF
"slr" Is that he pronounces it neither
4'suh" nor "sah"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Dropping Bolts.

Every notable invention alters our
language"
That's right. Bolts from the blue may
set 10 be very common when airships
come in"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

In the earlier days OF Don Carlos pre-
leadership, so to speak, he was taken
quite seriously. politically. Later along.
however, they named scent cigars and
parlor cars in his honor.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

A small sample Of the great Napoleon's
hair recently sold In England for one
thousand pounds. The man who bought It.
however. probably makes a terrific howl
about the high cost Of living.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

As the country gets a straighter line on
Mr.. Aldrich, Of Rhode Island, II begins
70 doubt. we suspect. after all. that It IS
impossible TO prove that black is white.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

The Nashville Tennessean. points with
pride to Nashvilles empty jug" and
ascribes 1t all 10 prohibition.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

why does the scrub horse always
win?' inquiries the Denver Post He
does not That is a fallacy as pronounced
as that the amateur poker player always
wins
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

An Illinois girl Tilted a millionaire for
a soda water dispenser. The influence
Of soda water on the summer girl is lit
tie short Of wonderful.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

MEMS clothes have too many pockets"
observes the Albany Journal Especially
since the cost of living has scared so
high
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

Mr.. Hisgen says the Independence Party
is "a dead one" No flowers from Mr..
Hisgen. either. in all probability.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

From the New YORK Sun
Knicker-How long does your wife plan
to be away?
Bocker-Two trunks.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

The combination lawn mower and pho
nograph probably confines itself 70 that
beautiful selection, Just Push. Don't
Shove"
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

Indian rajah getting gay2 Watch out,
raj! This Is a bad year for royal cut-ups
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

The weather man should make this July
weather his perpetual model
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
PEOPLE AND THINGS.
A Gigantic Merger.


Is there to be a merger OF all the tele-
phone companies in the country? The
question is suggested by the absorption
OF the New York and New Jersey Com
pany by the American Telephone and
Telegraph Company. the parent corpora
ton that controls the Bell patents. The
absorbed company supplies service 10
Brooklyn. Long Island. Staten Island. and
New Jersey. 1t is thought that the next
step may be the absorption Of the New
York Telephone Company. serving Man
haitian and the Bronx. There are some
1850 Bell companies in the United States.
The capitalists controlling them have not
hitherto adopted policy OK ccnsOlida-
ton OF this vast system. The project IS
concurrent with the report that there is a
movement 10 consolidate the telephone
interests with the great telegraph COM
panies. The development OF the long
distance service has made the telephone
competitor with the telegraph-a fact
that may lie behind the reported merger.
An Interesting Decision.
The power Of the public service COM
mission in New York City IS 20 be tested
in the highest court OF the State. The
case involves the question OF a franchise
10 operate cars over the new Queensbor-
ough bridge The city board of estimate
granted a franchise to a company 10
extend it's line from Jamaica through the
borough Of Queens and across the bridge
TO Manhattan The commission admitted
the necessity Of the proposed service. but
ok 81
the ground that the company would be
placed IN control for fifty years Of the
only thorcughfare available for street
railway purposes between Long Island
City and Jamaica. II was also objected
that no provision was made requiring
the company to extend the line when
necessary for the development Of terri
tory. The lower court held that the
commission was authorized only TO de-
termine the question Of necessity, and
had no right 20 refuse the franchise on
the grounds specified
Cuban Amusements and Finance.
The Latin mind when applied 10 law
making, without executive restriction.
seems 10 turn 70 amusement in prefer
ence 10 duh finance. The Cuban congress
illustrates this tendency by legalizing
cock-hghting and establishing n lottery.
while forgetting 20 make appropriations
90 maintain the departments o. gov
eminent. The insular constitution fixes
June 90 as the last date on which the an
nual appropriation bill may pass The
oversight was afterward amended. but
the legality of the act is questioned. The
congress az Havana has not yet ven
tured to restore the bull fight But 1t
has considered forms OF amusement such
as the lottery wheel and the cock pit
more important than the needs OF the
public treasury. The argument that the
lottery IS a source Of public revenue only
makes the local government q partner
In demoralizing the people. These legisla-
tive eccentrlcities may be a part OF the
experience necessary 10 educate an IN
accustomed proletariat IN the art OF self
government, which IN this case implies
the self-denial Of Inherited forms Of ven
turesOme speculation and cruel amuse-
ment.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

From the Boston Herald.
The President continues to read the signs Of The
times and 10 warn Belshaznr
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
VOL Dbl the White Hnn.e

From the Pun1sutawney Spirit
President Taft appears 70 be laboring assiduo,sl
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

Every one has his own scheme for
fixing the geography OF places in his
mind" said Jerome 3. Newman, OF Jersey
City. at the National yesterday. and a
man Is entitled TO make use Of any sys-
tenn OF guide posts he wants 10, but I
found the man the other day who had the
only cOcksure system.
Il was hunting for O certain con-
tractors shop. and after I got nearly
there. as I supposed, stopped a man
on the street and asked him Just where
the place was.
He drew himself UP. wrinkled his
brow. and monkeyed with his bushy mus
tache as II trying 20 frame up a mental
chart OF my route, and then. pointing up
a dingy little cross street, directed me. !
You so right down there he says, as
far as the second salOon-that's Louis
place; then you turn up there to the right,
and keep on the outside Of the street
until you see a big Anheuser-B Busch sign
hanging out over the sidewalk Turn I'D
the street Just beyond tnat and walk
until you pass a gold sign that says
Schlitz lager beer. II you turn TO the
right there and walk block and 4 half.
you'll come 10 FritZs place. It's right on
the corner Of an alley. You can take
q short cut up that alley to the next
street. and the Office you're looking for
IS lust the other side OF the first saloon
YOU pass on that street You can't miss
Il
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Mr., Crane, Harmonizcr

From The Springfield Union
Mr.. Crane possesses great skill as a harnonizer
a. tho people Of Massachusetts, well know.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
The Attorney Generals Problem.

From the Philadelphia Press.
The Department Of Justice at Washington is nov
struggling with this c0nundrum; why and wber
is a rotten eggf'
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
Logic and the Execur

From the Now York Eyeling Post
1t Is unthinkable that unanswerable logic sbor
have no effect upon the President
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23
MIR. AIdrich His Own Umniro

From the Atlanta Constitution.
They say Aldrich is "a coed listener that &,
he listens TO argument and then decides that A,5.
rich wins.
The Washington herald., 1909-07-23

New York Representative. J. c. WLBERDING
SPECIAL AGENCY. Brunswick Building
Chicago Representative, BARNARD x BRAN
HAM Boyco Building.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
WHY THE MARQUIS PAID.
cleveland Leader. }

NOA~hNAoAA0 A-Cc0GlJ
The famous surgeon, VeIpeau. was
visited one day at his house during the
consultation hour by marquis re-
nowned for his closeness. Velpeau in
formed the marquis that an opera
ton was urgent, and the fee would
amount to 1000 francs. At this the
marquis made face and left. A fort
night later DR.. Nelpeau, while making
his rounds in the Hospital de Ia Cha
rite, had his attention attracted by a
face that seemed familiar to him. In
answer to his inquiry, il was stated
that the patient was a footman of a
nobleman IN the FaubOurg Saint Ger
main. The surgeon found that his case
resembled in every particular the some
what unusual one for which the mar
quis had consulted him a fortnight pre-
viOusly. He refrained, however, from
making any comment. Three weeks aft
er the operation, when the patient was
about to be discharged Dr. Velpeau
called him aside and exclaimed:
Monsieur, I am extremely fattered
and pleased to have been able to cure
you. There is, however, a small for
mality with which you will have To
comply before 1 can sign your exeat:
that is, you viii have to sign a check
for 10000 francs in behalf of the public
charity bureau of your metropolitan
district" The patients face became
| livid.
You can do what you like about it. "
continued the doctor; but if you re-
fuse all Paris will know tomorrow tina;
the Marquis de D. adopted the dis
guise of a footman in order to secure
| free treatment at this hospital and to
usurp the place which belongs by right
to a pauper." OF course, the marquis
paid
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
IAN SUCH THINGS BET

What's this? Do We read the Wash
ington dispatches Alright? THE vacan-
cy on the ways and means committee
win probably be given to Representa-
tive Mondell of wyoming
Less than two weeks ago a yearning
public was told by the official Smoot
daily that Mr.. Howell of Wellsville,
Cache county. Utah, would probably
succeed Mr.. Bonynge of Colorado in
that most important body, the ways and
means committee. Mr. Howeil's well
known brochures on the tariff, his wide
range of information as to the cost of
manufacture in this country as COM
pared with costs in Wellsville, his pro-
found delvings into economic writings
from the days of Adam Smith down to
B. F. Grant, had attracted the atten-
ton of Speaker Cannon and the other
members of the house, and it seemed a
foregone conclusion that the Cache val
ley statesman would be accorded the
eminence he so richly deserved.
And now! Could anything show more
perfectly the ingratitude of speakers
and republics? What does it avail
Howell that he has taken orders from
Cannon and walked Spanish whenever
the speaker crooked his forefinger?
What balm is there in the knowledge
that he will have no voice in fixing
the duty on Wellsville prunes or Lo-
gan breakfast food? How can he ever
convince his constituents that ne
amounts to a whoop in a whirlwind
when he fails to land a place on the
mig committee? How can any tariff
be satisfactory without his presence at
the revision?
How, indeed,
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
THE FIREMEN'S BILL.

That peace hath her victories no less
renowned than war is automatic. Not
all the heroes go down on the battle
field amidst a storm of shot and shell.
Among the most dangerous callings in
civil life is, that of the fireman, who
stands ready every minute of the day
or night to risk life and limb in the
effort to save the lives and property of
others. A burning -house filled with
gas and smoke, or falling wall, often
consigns him to an early grave or
leaves him a hopeless cripple to exc
out an existence as best he may.
The lower house of the legislature has
passed bill. by substantial major
ity. creating a firemen's fund, and the
matter is now before the senate for
action. Many of the states now have
such laws upon their statute books,
and it is certain that a great majority
of the people of Utah will approve if
the senate lends ear to the reasonable
request of the fire ladies. Salt Lake
has at the present time four men who
have been hopelessly crippled while
performing their duty. Others in time
to come will suffer the same fate in the
various cities and towns of the state
Some provision should be made for their
support.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
A GOOD BILL.

The senate bill providing for the in
spection and licensing of diaries was re-
ported to the house, by its committee,
yesterday without recommendation. 1t
is probable that the measure will come
to vote today. The bill requires the
payment of a small fee by the dairy,
81 for five COWS and running up to So
for fifty COWS and $3.50 for more than
fifty cows. This amount is trifling and
cannot be objected to on the ground of
being excessive. Neither will any hon
est dairyman object to the inspection
feature of the bill, for it affords the
best safeguard he can secure. AS to
the dishonest dairyman, his wishes
should not be consulted. No article of
food is more important than milk, and
none should be more frequently and
carefully inspected by competent men,
This bill, as The Herald understands it,
simply extends to the rest of the state
the general features of an inspection
system that has been found to work
admirably in this city. The bill should
be passed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
OVERLOOKED A FEW.

Being somewhat familiar with the Do
litical morals of the lovely aggregation
known as the federal bunch which is
in control of the legislature, we won
der at their fOrbearance in attempting
TO grab off the fire and police depart
ments only. The wonder is tempered
somewhat by the thought that they
may have been afraid their effort would
prove fruitless, being illegal; but a lit
tie thing like legality or fIlegaHty has
never bothered them much before. and
is probably not worrying them much
now.
Why didn't they provide for COM
mission to take over control of the wa
terworks for the benefit of the Smoot
machine? That department of the CITY
government employs a good many men,
it has innumerable opportunities for
graft on the petty larceny order, it
handles a large revenue, and as an
instrument Of political blackman is not
to be sneezed at by experts looking
Tor weapons.
~ 81 NAAAtAANs NDDf II d Illlt
opening for dark lantern politics, but
the bunch evidently have an eye on
that in connection with their LIQUOR
reform bill. since the bill, as now
framed up by the machine and the
liquor dealers, provides for "regula-
ton" Of licenses by the state authori-
ties.
a Then the street department. with its
liberal appropriations; the city treas
urer's Office with nice. fat pickings il
the shape of interest on public funds
the list might be extended almost in
definitely.
Come to think about il, though, il
the bunch get the police and fire de-
partments, with control of the saloons
and their habitues thrown in, it would
just about give the votes needed to get
the rest of the departments in time
provided, always, that the people OF
salt Lake do not rise up in their wrath
and smash the whole machine and put
il in the junk pile where it belongs.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
AN ADAM BEDE STORY,
(San Francisco Examiner.)

IL
]. Adam Bede of Minnesota. the humor-
list of the house while he was in it, and
whose hun1or still bubbles, despite the
fact that he was elected to stay at home
tells the following on a friend of his
who travels for a carpet firm:
My friend" said Bede, sis of a saving
turn of mind, and he recently had to
make a longish jump with two trunks.
Arriving at the railroad station, he APP
preached a stranger standing on the plat
form and said:
Are you going to Chicago on this
train2''
Il am"
Have you any baggage2''
No
We'll, friend, you can do me a favor.
and it won't cost you a cent. I've got
two good sized trunks here and they al
ways make me pay excess for one You
can get one checked on your ticket and
save me some money!
Yes, but I haven't any ticket"
But you just said you were going on
this train"
so am. I'm the conductor"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
AN OBSTINATE COW.
CUncle Remus.)

on the plantation the dairy hands were
accustomed to do the milking, squattinx
down in a primitive fashion until the
owner introduced milking stools along
with other modern improvements
The boy who first sailed forth with the
stool returned bruised and battered and
with an empty pail.
II done my best, sah'' he exclaimed.
Dat stool looked all right to me. but de
blamed COW she won't sit on it
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
Total Copies of The Herald Printed
in February. 1903.

%<<%% =
= Largest Daily and Sunday cir =
= eulation in Salt Lake proved by ?
= investigation. =
<<<% p = 4 y =
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Senator Sutherland has been appoint
ed to a place on the committee to Sc
iect the standing committees of the SEN
ate. If he doesn't land on the judiciary
committee it will be his own fault.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
QUITE THE REVERSE.
lLffe }

Are you familiar with The Man With
out a Country p asked the student of
English literature.
No" replied the pretty summer girl,
but ] am familiar with the country with
out a man."
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16
Cor LadIes Who A-preclate.

Fragrant, lasting. eXquisitely deli
cate; Spiehler's SELECT Lily of the
Valley, the perfume for fastidlous peo-
pie. Sold by druggists.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

So far the Republican representatives
at Washington who are out of harmony
with their quorum appear to have the
best of it Treaehery alone can defeat
them.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Homeseekers are pouring through the
ogden gateway. Sign of spring and
also evidence of the fact that the great
west continues TO draw immigrants
from the four corners of the earth.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Wall street won't be happy until the
supreme court hands down an opinion
on the commodities clause of the rate
bill So far there is no hint as to what
the court may 90 in the premises.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

What's the use Of being a car under
a constitutional form of governmen ?
Nicholas of Russia should send condo
lences to Speaker Cannon.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Warm weather makes the fans fever
ish- There's no doubt about baseball
being the national game.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Rear Admiral Sperry is alleged to
have said that the cruise of the Attain
tic fleet around the world was not a
practice affair or pleasure trip. 1T
was a real war cruise" he said. Par
ticuIars wanted.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Nicaragua and Salvador seem to be AT
peace. However. the warships nav
come in handy.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

The Wasatch Literary circle meets
this afternoon with Mrs. Byron Cum
mings and Miss Cummings at 936 Elev-
enth South. street. This viii be the last
meeting Of the month, the other one
scheduled having been postponed.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

The tourist section Of the Ladies' Lit
erary club meets this morning at the
club house, when two special subjects
will be presented, Mrs. Ellen Elliott
giving a paper on ''TolstOi' and Mrs.
George NJ. Bacon speaking on her life
in Finland and the manners and Gus
toms of the Firms. As neither of the
ladies is a member of the section, it is
especially asked that all club MEMBERS
Interested attend
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Mrs. William Shirley, who has been
the guest of her daughters, Mrs. Bert
Seaboldt and Mrs. W. ROllo Grant, for
the past few weeks, has returned to
her home in Reno, New.
x X x
Miss Ethel Felt, who has been in
Ocean Park for the past two months,
will return home Wednesday.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1909-03-16

Mrs. Frank Dole has postponed the
meeting of her card club from tOmor-
row afternoon till a week from that
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1909-03-26

Is the new woman about to capture
Turkey? During the recent political
agitation the unheard-of spectacle was
TO be seen at Salonica of a woman OF
rank, the wife of a young Turk,
parading unveiled through the streets
with a banner, to the delight Of her
husbands partisans. At MOnastf
many women, bent on political errands
travelled about alone.
If this is to be the result of con
stitutional movement, what is to he
come of the prophets strict command
against women showing their faces I'D
public? Gone will be the poets dream
Of the dark-eyed beauties of Circassia
leading lives Of Incidence behind the
screens of the mysterious harem. II
the daughters of the near east, like t3'
daughters of Nippon, are to adopt the
fashions of Paris, go in for political
economy. suffragism, socialism and
small families, like British fashion
ables, and start women's clubs, plat
form campaigns and summer college
courses like their American sisters,
whole world Of tradition and romance
VIII soon disappear