davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
An Unsoeial Pedant.

"At Trinity. Cambridge the great
DR.. Whewell was the incarnation of
masterful unsoclabllity," says Mr.
TOllcmache In his "reminiscences. "A
Trinity friend told Inc In the ffties
that Whewelrs evening parties went
by the name OF Representatives, be-
cause the undergraduates were expect
ed to remain standing all the time,
though he himself sat down whenever
he chose. II IL also related that, being
shortsighted, he inspected each man
In turn at unpleasantly close quarters.
and It was high crime for any one
to speak until he was spoken to. ON
one occasion under the trying scrutiny
an unwary freshman remarked that
the weather was fine. Sir replied the
pedant, are you not aware that II you
have any communication to make to
the master OF your college you should
make II through your tutor "
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
FOXES HAVE SCALES.
A Naturalist Compares These Ami
mails With the Reptiles.

mails With the Reptiles.
that foxes have scales as well as hair
upon their skins. From this he argues
that they have descended from ances-
tors bearing horny skins. like the arma-
dillos and the ant eaters.
Every one who has examined rat
throughout its length Those who are
familiar with Wild boars know also
that there are parts OF their bodies on
which there are distinct scales. Wher
ever the scales are found on these
creatures with hairs as well, these
walls between the scales. As this form
of growth is often found In animals
which have no scales 1t Is believed
that when 1t exists II proves origin
from a race which once bore scales.
Especially is this true of the fox II
his skin be examined closely II Will be
found that the hairs are arranged in
groups of three punches, each bunch
containing fourteen or fifteen hairs,
and that the skin has the appearance
of that of scaled ant eater from which
the scales have been plucked. Under
the microscope 1t looks scaly Herr
Toldt says the fox Is one OF the mann.
mails that can be most correctly COM
pared with the reptiles, being OF a
primitive and very slightly specialized
type, although famous for Its cunning.
New York World.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
THE PLOT OF A PLAY.
How Sardou Came to Write LES
Pattes de Mouehe."


Sardou sat working ut scenic adap
tation Of Voltaire's "Candide," and II
hung fire not because there was no
prospect of IL dinner, but because his
pipe was empty and he had not Il
penny wherewith TO buy tobacco. sud
denly on opening II drawer Of his table
he uttered cry of JOY ut the sight OF
five or six tickets of wine company
which gave its customers IA voucher
for 20 centimes for every bottle pur-
chased. a quarter of an hour after.
ward he was the happy possessor of
Il silver frame piece aHi some SOUS be.
sides.
Picking up scrap OF paper OF the
sanded floor OF the tobacco shop, lie
was about TO light his weed when the
words "Marie Laurent" caught his
eye. The .'unconsidered tritie" turned
out to be the fragment of a letter from
the well known actress to her son
Charles. Sardou put his find In his
pocket, but on his way home his
plot weaving faculties. stimulated by
the fumes of the tobacco, Mt once re,
asserted themselves.
This Is the innocent letter of II
mother to her boy" he said TO himself
''Supposlng, however, II had~been the
letter OF woman to her lover and
falling by Il similar accident into the
hands OF the woman's husband, wish
Ing to light his cigar
The suggestion led to his play Les
Pattcs de Mouche. London Chron.
Iclr
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Tho Order Of Fools.

April l Is not the only fools day In
the year. On November II, 1891, the
Order of Fools was Instituted by Adolf
plus. count of Clcyes.
Members We're not by any means
idiots, however, for the word had n
different meaning then. They were
the prototype of our modern Order Of
Foresters or Odd Fellows, doing IL
similarly bcneyole work. Their in
sigma consisted of Il mantle, upon the
left shoulder of which was embroidered
a jester, or fool. in cap and bells, vel
low hose and silver vest. So these
CHEEKY, useful jokers had bright,
happy outlook upon life and met to-
6ether to dispense the earnest of their
healthful existence AT stated intervals,
the chief day of which was Nov. r.
London Chronicle.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
He Liked the Sound.

Mr.. Golf has humor peculiarly his
own. He looks at the world In half
amused, half indulgent manner some
times very annoying to his friends.
One day when I'm town he dropped
into Il restaurant for lunch. II was II
tidy although not pretentious estab-
lishment After good meal he called
to the waitress and inquired what
kind Of pie could be had.
"Applepiemincepiera isInplebIueberry
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS berry-
shortcake." the young woman repeated
glibly.
"Will you please say that AGAIN." he
asked, leaning trihe forward
The girl went through the list ut
lightning rate. "Andstra wberryshort-
cake" she concluded. with emphasis.
Would you mind doing 1t once
more?' he said.
The waitress looked her disgust and
started In third time, pronouncing
the words In deiantly clear tone.
"Thank you" he remarked when she
had finished. For the life OF me
can't see how you do It. But Ike to
hear 1t. It's very Interesting very.
Give me apple pie, please, and thank
you very much. Youths Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Mansfield's Lonely Meals.

There were two meals which Mans
field always ate alone-breakfast and
the light repast Of broth and oysters
late III the afternoon. An empty stom-
ach attacked his nerves and set his
temper on edge. In the morning he
was In no convenient mood until he
had the invariable coffee and bacon.
After a somewhat rigid abstinence
during the balance OF the day and
evening the fatigue of performance
edged his nerves till his midnight sup
per, which, with Il troop of friends
about him, warmed him into the sun
NEST humor Of the day. A book or
play was the companion of his solita-
ry meals.-Paul Wilstach In Scribner's.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Women and New Money.

The cashier, as usual, paid the loom
boss In new money-crisp, sweet smell
ing bank notes that II was pleasant to
handle.
'Bnt why Is 1t, George" he asked.
THAT you insist upon new money al
ways? ! know you hand every cent
Of 1t to your wife"
The loom boss ehuciled
"It's easy to see you aln't married
man, VIII" said he. "Otherwise you'd
know woman's nature better and
wouldn't need to be told the advan-
tage of taking home new money TO
the wife. The explanation IL, VIII,
that women are so fond Of new money
that they hate to part with II. 1t
makes them economical They bar
gain for this, they deny themselves
that, and the upshot Is that ut the end
OF each week they have tidy little
sum, all brand new, put by In u stock
ing or II teapot. 1t pays, VIII, to give
the wife new money. 1t pays some
thing like 20 per nt."-Phlladelphla
Bulletin.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
A TITLE AND A UNIFORM.
How Colonel johnson Got the One and
Bought the Other.

Row Colonel johnson Got the One and
Bought the Other.
Where did you get your military
title?' was asked of Colonel johnson.
Charlie Culberson made me take 1t
when he was governor of Texas" re-
piled the Houston editor. II told him
| might have to wear n title, but I'd
he hanged If I'd wear n uniform. One
day met the governor on the street,
and he said. Hello, Bill
Hello, Charlie l replied.
Is that the proper manner to ad-
dress your commanding offieerY he
demanded sternly. Stand up straight,
salute and say Governor Where's
your uniform
The Office isn't worth $l25 OF gold
lace replied holly
"sAbout face! March, commanded
the governor. and he marched me into
a tailor shop.
Make this man Il colonels uniform
and send the bill to me- he said
Il couldn't stand for that. so | said,
I give you to understand, sir, II I've
got to be colonel l can buy my own
uniform and put on rs much gold lace
rs any man In Texas
"Thats how / came to be colonel
and to have for sale cheap as fine n
military uniform as ever was made in
the south. "-lIxchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
ROBIN HOOD NOT A MYTH.
Hero of Sherwood Forest Had a Court
Place Under King Edward II.


Many famous men have their names
linked with Sherwood King John, the
three Edwards, Richard Ill, Cardinal
Wolsey and Charles but the hero Of
the plnce. the genius loci" Is Robin
Hood.
Some think that the famous outlaw
of the ballads was Il myth, mere po-
etie conception and a creature Of the
popular mind, but Ma. Hunter IA his
research into the person and period OF
Robin Hood holds that he was born
between 1885 and 1895. living through
the reign OF the second Edward and
into the early years of the third. He
was of family Of some station seat
ed near Wakefield and supported the
Earl OF Lancaster in his rebellion
against the government When the
earl fell and his followers were pro-
scrlbed Robin Hood took to the woods
and supported himself by staying the
wild animals found In the forest and
by levying species of blackmail on
passengers along the great road which
united London and Berwick. This
SoHtihueu ioi "pout twenty houtuSs
from April 1922 to December, 1923.
when he fell into the kings power.
who for some unknown reason not
only pardoned him, but gave him
place at court Anyhow. Il man Of the
name of Robyn Hode was n "varIet'
Of the king I'm 1924
DIR. Spencer 4. Hall says that Robyn
was created Earl Of Huntington by a
London ballad writer hard up for a
word to rhyme TO Little John. Be
this as II may, Robin Hood will always
be the hero of romance, and those who
love romance VIII refuse to believe
that he never existed Globe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
A koississs City In Friesland.

Fancy city Of $4,000 inhabitants.
guiltless Of street cars and omnlbuses
the steam tram line from Franeker
halts dlscreetly without the town.
easily encompassed In an hour for its
singel, It's old moat which 1t has not
yet greatly overstepped, is not three
miles In extent; city without great
noise or confusion, save upon market
days, and clean. quiet streets. lined
by low houses with shining windows,
peopled by rosy checked serving wom-
en-, capped with gold and lace, and
demurely dressed, grave faced citizens.
Send red sailed boats TO its very heart
until masts are jumbed with electric
light poles and church towers; plant
densely foliaged trees beside It's quays
and few iron rallied flower beds in
its open squares; give 1t a water CIR
die thronged with hundreds of boats,
crossed by few bridges and many
little hand ferries-and yea will see
wsrden.-Scribner's Magazine.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
THE OLD SAIL DRILL
Perils tho Modern Warship Men Do
Not Have to Face,

TerHs tno mouern WSrsntp men 0os
Not Have to Face.
One of the dangers and one of the
hardest tasks of the man-of-wars man
vanished out of his life when, with the
supplanting of the frigate by the steam
cruiser, the old time sail drill became
thing of the past. Fleets In the old
days were continually exercised IN
making and shortening sail, shifting
spars and all similar maneuvers aloft,
says Captain j. w. Gambler of the
British navy In his Links In My Life"
As the greatest rivalry existed among
the crews as to which ship should
carry out the evolution first accidents
We're frequent. Hardly drill day
passed without men being seriously In
jured.
Once during Il drill In Kiel harbor,
where the rivalry IN the fleet was In
creased by the eagerncss Of foreign
ships to compete with the English, an
unfortunate French midshipman went
head first from the mizzen crosstrees
OF the French flagship to the deck
That numbers Of accidents should
take place In sail drill was not aston
ishlng when one remembers that spars
measuring perhaps seventy or eighty
tons were whisked about with be-
wildering speed with nothing but
mems hands and brains to guide
them; hundreds Of men crammed into
II space of few hundred square feet.
where nothing but the most marvellous
organization and discipline could avert
death on deck OF aloft.
To the landsman, who understood
nothing of the difficulty involved In
rapidly shifting these great masts and
yards or In Keeling and furling thou
sands of square feet of stlff canvas
perhaps wet or half frozen-the rapid
ity with which 1t was done was per-
haps the chief wonder.
Ropes, running like lightning through
blocks that were instantly too hot from
friction to be touched, had to be
checked to within few inches, requir-
ing the utmost GOODNESS and presence
of mind, while the officer In COM
mand had to superintend what TO the
uninitiated looked like tangled mass
of cordagc. but which was In reality
no more In confusion than the threads
In loom.
In nm instant this officer might see
something going wrong. To delay
single second meant terrible catas-
trophe. Every one, allow and aloft,
was relying on his judgment.
Delay Ease away!"3
The order came In an instant. The
boatswain's mites repeated II In Il
particular call which this life and
death necessity soon taught every one
to understand, the shrill whistles rising
above the din of tramplng feet and
running ropes or the thunderous crash
of the great sails In the wind. Death
had been averted-or not. Ii not you
looked up and saw some unfortunate
man turning head over heels In the
air Your heart stood still. Would be
catch hold Of something, even II only
| to break his fall, or would he come
batterlng on the deck? II was mere
toss up If he was killed outright II
generally stopped the drill for the
day; If he was only seriously injured
the drill went on. for this was part
of the lesson that must be learned
that In peace. as In war. one must take
his chances.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13


par,ure.
moi very We'll saia GWenaolsh'
shaking her heao uupiousiv' hes 50
poiu anu cohceiteu.
nu.' my "e"r' HASTILY ni.eiposeo
Aunt Apiatia. iou ilius,nt jugs
nm from iirsi appe"ra,ees' '"eh was
niue queer 'o"a!, ! uoi Nnow VIVA,
was the matter WIN MN. nut we II
nave mn, N .'e'is anu you must DC
poii.e 10 h''a' "Mehooish.
Anu 'li"' WIS now ii most aouaeious
cour'snip eaiie 10 pe e"rrieo on rish'
"nIei Auh, Nn'''n" ese''
""enuo's H. asNe' 9a,A u'ea'hiis
one sunny morning as 'ney SAT to-
se.nei III 'ie irasiah' iose sa'een'
now uiu you ever nappen 10 come
uowh 10 .his quiet niue Spot anyho"
shouiu lhasihe you u love aii the gay
.n'nss VI ua"'e'' ,nea'e'S' ui,i
hers ana ali that, you KNOW. ION
you
NO you're al wrong answered
"wenuoiyh SLOWLY h'uiis her iaee Ill
,he mowers sue nau sa'herea. love
4"i.
rol lew minutes Tue oi'us III Tue
s"aueh nou II All W themselves 50
'uuueniy sun were 'he ."o peopie WIN
S". .nee,
""ehuoi.n' '"eA nha"y iounu
hiuiseii asAihs III hushy voice quite
uii'ihc MS OWL 10 you reaily iove IL
uoWn nere-.he quiet iazS lie we
w"
GWenuolyn nodded, but dld not iift
her face
Iara a. an,,,h 20 stay ,.,,th ma
-. o., ' W." NV
ueareset
Gwendolyn nodded again.
"I oolS nm at mo Won fraudu JoeIr
oo,,aos Lii, -. .....,,-. -.
.u' '""i"s NV JOY Au'iy AH'o
MS arms.
81 can't" GWendolyn protested.
b,t,Linu ..rh.ra,, ,a,,o.h,.. l., 80,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13

There Is II species Of palm, growing
to height of from twenty-five to thir
ty feet. in Egypt. Arabia, Abyssinia
ana Nubla which produces its fruit In
long clusters, each containing from
100 to 200. These fruits are OF an
irregular form, Of rich yellowish
brown color and are beautifully pol
ished. In upper Egypt they form part
Of the food Of the poorer classes Of in
habltnnts, the part eaten being the
fibrous. mealy husk, which tastes al
most exactly like gingerbread. whence
the popular name Of gingerbread tree
In Egypt. Hyphoene thebaica Is the
botanical name of this palm.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
A CROSS ON HIS BACK.
It Was Made With Chalk, but Was
Too Heavy to Garry.

II Was Made With Chalk, but Was
Too Heavy to Carry.
There is a story of an envious tailor
current with the French peasantry.
He fancied that his neighbor, who re-
ceived pension for the loss Of an arm
incurred while fighting for his coun-
try, was better off than himself. Both
men went to pay their rent on the
same day.
That's Il lucky man." said the tailor
to the landlord HE gets well paid
for his arm
but who would be willing to part
with an arm, even II he were paid for
IT." said the landlord.
II would" declared the tailor.
"You.' cried the landlord why,
man, you wouldn't be willing to bear
anything of the sort, no matter how
much you were paid for it,
81 wish some one would try me-"
Nov, see here" said the landlord.
who had studied human nature. "Pll
tell you what-if you'll wear even SO
much as a chalk mark on your back
I'll remit your rent as long as you
wear 1t on your coat1so 1t can be seen,
the condition being that you tell no
one why II Is there"
agreed" said the tailor eagerly.
That's an easy way to pay rent"
So the chalk mark In the form Of a
cross was made on the back of his
coat. and the delighted tailor sailed
forth upon the street.
Strangers and acquaintance hailed
him to tell him OF the mark on his
back. Jokes were made at his ex-
pense children laughed and pointed at
him, and his wife annoyed him with
questions and with conjugal familiari-
ty told him he was fool. The usual
ly amiable man grew surly and mo-
rose; he Stunned men. women and
children and freQuented back streets.
Before the week was up the tailor
found himself embroiled In a quarrel
with his best friend, his wife had
threatened to leave his house, and he
considered himself miserable and III
used
Finally one night he took OF his
coat and rubbed out the chalk mark
and said: There! l would not wear
that cross on my back another week.
no. not II could have all the money
there Is In Paris.'
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Bismarck and Music.

Bismarck's utterances regarding mu-
sic are compiled In a book by Keudell
"Furst und Furstin Bismarck. Erin
nerungen aus den Jahren, 1846-1872."
Kendell once saw the man of blood
and iron shed tears during perform
ance Of Beethoven's Sonata Appasio-
nata. His favorite composers were
Beethoven and Schubert. The only
thing he did not like in their works
was the variations. These, he said,
do not speak to the heart" Concern
ing the sonata just referred to he re-
marked: This Is like the singing and
sobbing Of whole human life II l
heard this music often should al
ways be brave"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Oriuin of Cards.

The origin of cards lies far back In
the hidden antiquity of Asia. no rec
ord so far having been found to UNI
rayel the source. II was from the dis
tant orlsut that cards, along with
chess, were first introduced Into south
ern Europe, Spain and Italy especially.
Iiie earliest Of these cards have been
lost urfVrt.Dately and no record Of
them preserved
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Tho Very First One.

The visitors In the historical mu-
scum gazed curiously at small feath-
err pillow which nestled in glass case.
II don't see anything unusual about
itOrs, turning to the guide.
cts Il very valuable pillow" replied
the guide '"That is Washington's
original headquarters. "-Lippincott's.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
The Way He Felt About II.

While several young ladies were dis
cussing novel plans for church ba-
Zaar new member of the committee
proposed to have the pastors photo
scanh reproduced on pillow tops and
"chance" tneni Of. All the girls voiced
their approval at once, m. when the
plan was suggested to the parson he
objected.
II really cannot consent said he.
i've been sat on enough as 1t is
Ladies' Home Journal
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
A Short Verse.

An Engllshman named Thomas
Thorp died, leaving his fortune to a
poor relative on condition that a head
stone, with the name of the said
be erected over the grave. Costing
30 much n word to chisel letters on
the stone, the poor relative ordered
that the poetry should be brief. Upon
his refusal to approve. ON account OF
their length. the lines
Here lies the corp
OF Thomas Thorp
the following was finally ordered and
accepted
Thorp's
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Integrity without knowledge Is weak
and useless. Paley.
Ma Mean. Well Anyway.

A young woman overheard an old
negroes call to u pickanlnny, Come
back, Exy, Exy"
Excuse me-" said the young woman,
"but Isn't that queer name for u
baby, auntyf"
dat amt her full name" explained
the old woman, with pride; "dats jes'
de pet name | call fer short. Dat
chile got mighty grand name. Her
ma picked 1t out In a medicine book.
Yessum, de chile's full name Is Ecze-
ma" Ladies' Home Journal
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Works Both Ways.

SO you think 1t Is an advantage to
a man to go to congress for awhileE
Yes" answered Senator Sorghum.
1T gives the people In his own town
chance to think he Is q great man ia
Washington and the people In Wash
ington a chance to think he Is great
man IN his own town" Washington
Star
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
His kick

Mr.. Holesale-So old Pepperpot had
q kick coming Oh that last bill Of
goods, eh? Wouldn't that make you
sore? Mr.. Iitewate dhe saesman--It
did me, Sir. He kicked me out. Kan
sas City Independent.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
h Knaw Tbar

Things have gone completely to the
dogs with me-"
: Cheer up. They might have been
worse"
Don't you believe It,"
"Whyw
Because then they would have
been"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
An Odd Coincjdenoe.

"Do you know that nature and schol-
arship both agree on one thingr'
"What Is that?"
"In the fall both begin to turn the
leaves" Baltimore American.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13

He-I wonder II we can get along all
right. She-Csrtainly. We can buy the
auto with the money father left me,
and you will surely make enough to
pay for running It, don't you Think
Puck.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
Two Worda.

'.There are two words that l feel
sorry for"
and they are?'
"Bllthering and egregious. Nobody
ever uses 'em except to call some one
an idiot or an Louisville Courier
Journal
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
A zooloaioal QUESTION.

The director of the geological gar
dens was on his vacation. He receive
ed note from his chief assistant,
Which CLOSED thnsly; THE chimpanzee
seems to be pining for companion
What shall we do until you return?"-
st. Louis Republic.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13

Cant l go out into the back yard
and play In the garden, mamma"
Certainly not, child. You must stay
In and study your nature books
Life.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13

Never think that intellect Is nobier
than the heart, that knowledge ID
greater than love. Not 50! A thou
sand tines no.-Frances Power Cobbe,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-01-13
How II Struck Him,

1t was O'Clock in the afternoon In
Il crowded Brooklyn trolley car, and
above the noise arose the walls of a
leather iunged baby protesting against
everything. After two miles OF this
din the mother left with her child,
when IL young man In the front end
OF the ear thus expressed his senti-
ments:
Gee whiz, I'm glad I'm free
No wedding bells for me-
The result can be more easily irnss-
ined than described.-New York Post