Okolona messenger. (Okolona, Miss.) 1900-current, 1909-05-19
The Lady Who
Speaketh Not
More to Be Feared Than the CONVEX
'ahOnal Wife. Says Uncle Henry.


not In any dangerous proximity Eyes,
sir, If you go In to use the regular
highbrow literary style of invective,
you might call her a paradox. And
If you don't know, paradox is some
thing which is what Z. never was
and looks like what 1t never will be.
Fierce things, son; simply fierce.
Its like this. When she's mad she
spurts conversation with a static head
OF $50 pounds. The madden she gets
the harder it is for her to talk And
when she gets clean plumb petulant
you can't get word out of her with
cold cbisel
Get me right, though. However,
otherwise and nevertheless, a silent
woman is the gosh blamedest work of
an otherwise beneficent Providence.
That silent treatment effect is
what brings the silver threads among
the gold That's what makes mar.
ried men learn to beguile the thing
they are by seeming otherwise, as the
poet so aptly expresses it. I'm going
to tell you, son, a conversational wom-
an wife is sore trial and offense
and stumbling block. But you take
1t from me, when you frame her up
alongside of the silent sister sort of
simple sorrow she is five aces to the
deck Yes, sir, she is that.
II tell you, son, this silent Rrouch
business is problem It's a study
| put it down that any man who can
invent an antidote is going to be rich,
famous and happy all at the same
time. And listen, I've got a great
scheme. There's a sure way to beat
it and your crafty Uncle Henry had
thought it out all for himself. And
tried it too, by gracious. Be not as
dumb, driven cattle, be a hero.
"All right l comes home the other
night and found that l was persona
non grata with little wife. She could
not see me with Yerkes telescope.
! had to go look in the glass to find
out if | was really home. l don't
know what was the matter with her
but whatever it was it was my fault,
Of course.
An | says, 'posterity never did
anything for me, so you could notice
it, | says, but | says: I am certain
ly built on the general ground plan, of
a public benefactor l will try this lit
tie scheme out and put the double
cross on lowering futurity,' l says.
"All right. When l got sort of
braced ! sings out: Huh I says, I
dunno what this house would be if
some one didn't come in once and
while and pay some attention to some
thing. That front door bell won't
ring. It's busted like that, says.
OF course knew it wasn't busted, but
Just wanted to start her off.
" The bell rings perfectly WELL she
says.
See! had her from the start. Oh,
this is bang up idea of mine. All
right. Then l comes back at her sort
of mean
Nothing of the sort | says. IT
don't ring because it's busted. guess
| ought to know. Seems like every
thing is busted around here, 1 says,
leading her out to make another
crack. Catch the idea?
The front door BELL she says,
cool, calm and collected and the icicles
hanging on every word, is in excellent
condition. There is nothing the mat
ter with it. 1t is not broken. 1t
rings. The front door bell rings she
says, like that certainly settled it and
me at the same time.
"Then | decides to spring it. All
right, | says, since you are so sure
says, I'll go out and push the button
says, and then we will see whether
you know so much or not, | says, just
as tart and brazen as any old bachelor.
Huh she says. Only that and moth
ing more.
Then knew ! had her. l was some
sot up over it too. So / goes out on the
front steps and gives the thing a push
good and strong so there wouldn't be
any mistake.
Wen, sir, you can just see me out
On that stoop with the light of victory
IN my eyes, just dippy with excitement
ike a boy spinning his first top.
sort of figured it out | was qualifying
o have national holiday named after
ne too.
$50 | gives it good push. Then
listens. | didn't hear anything L
gives it another shove. Still nothing
ioing. Probably something the mat
er with the button. unscrews that
Il a hurry and touches the ends of
he wires. Still no ring. / screws on
he button again, and then who comes
noseying out but wife.
We'll, she says, ring it, she SAYS.
Don't be standing there like a fool
he says
Il didn't say one single little word
was thinking, | was. Then she gives
hitch and huff and she gives the
luton a push. Silence reigned. She
ives it some more pushes and no
ing. Huh, she says and goes off.
We'll, son, that was some days ago
nd she hasn't seen me yet. Fact is
m not so all fired anxious for her to
ee me, because when she does come |
round at last there's gOing to no gonna |