The Montgomery advertiser., 1909-03-28
MIR. COOLEY ON POLITICAL EVENTS
BY ?. DUNNE.

councils an tell us why We lOst. lt IS not without a sinsation iv grief. Him missy. that I see him lave to take up his jooties in higher spear that knows no brother. Us old dimmycrats. we will meet but we will miss him. We have missed him often in iliction day. Now we will miss him fr tn four years be- tween, too. He will make a gr-reat sic- rety iv war. In time iv throuble ye may be sure that his soord will flash firm 1t scabbard an his voice be heerd proclaimin' in claryon tones: Me brave boys. before us lies tn inimys camp. Follow me an we will soon be in it.
 But even more important thin tn departmint iv war Is tn departmint iv green goods. Tn hand that cashes tn pay checks is tn hand that rules tn wurruld. as tn pote says. An here again we have a thried an thrusted dimmycrat. I do not know him though I've often pasted his lithygraft in me front window. But he's gr-reat frind iv Hogan5s Hogan was very happy over this appintment. Whin he read about 1t in tn pa-aper he burst Into song: At last.' he says. we are In power. To ye. Misther Sicrety iv tn Threasury, me greetings an tn top iy tn mornin' Lithry collague, fellow grocer, brother dimmycrat! oft in me impechuse youth have l hopped over ye'er skids, or gaZed with wondhrin' eyes into ye'er windows fruited deep with peach an pear. an pearline an prune! oft have I seen ye with sugar scoop in wan hand an copy iv Marcus Aureelyus in tn other, Oft have voted f'r ye whin Roger Sullivan led tn way! oft whin tortured be some republican to name wan dimmy- cratic leader that shaved ivry day. wore
 ,tsII tt. ha n didn't have an inthrest in a faro bank have I shouted ye'er name. An now to think iv ye, me brother in Apollo an Andrew Jackson. settin down there In washnton at tn cashiers win dow itsilf. be hivens. almost makes me weep. I'rl goin' to take a thrain. says Hogan, an ask him fir job. wanst broke a transparency bearin' his name over tn head iv a German in Halsted Sthreet he says. I wudden't go.' says l. I'd write tn application undher an assumed name. dhrop 1t into letter box an run, says l. If ye wint down ye might find him busy helpin' to con sthruct a tarin bill that wud protict our infant indhusthrees an he mightnt want to be disturbed says l.
 An there ye are. I don't know what tn republicans wud do if 1t wasn't fir us dimmvcrats both befure. at an af- ther tn ilictions. Ye heerd how we thwarted tn almost -iflhuman conspir- acy against Uncle Joe Cannon. Iris romantic story Ye know Uncle Joe2 Annyhow, ye've seen his face in pitch ers-a handsome face but visionary an incautious. Out here in Illinye where we have seen his wurruk. we know this sainted charackter. Fr many years Uncle Joe has ruled tn house iv ripri- sintitives be love an be love alone. His Is a soul, as tn pote says. that Is | ,An o,,s duyn1l Ia shud've been in pollytlcks. He is tn kind iv man ye wud get to judge flower show but he wud be useless Tn horse thrade. He knows no more about pollyticks thin Canada Bill knew about three card monty. He had been in wash'nton nanny years more thin tn conspirators but what does expeery- who has done nawthin' all his life but take bad money fir good. An these savage, pow'rful an injanyous men determined to creep up behind this unwary, imprudent old philantrophlst an desthroy him. They almost did 1t too. Havin absolute confidence in hu- man nature, he niver suspicts amy thing. He was ike a timid fox among a hode iv feerocyous hens. It was pitt iful to see him setting up there. with A cigar tilted in his mouth an an ex- pression on his face like a man with four iv a kind in his hand watchin' an Englishman wondhrin' whether he ought to come in an dhraw four.
 Meanwhile tn crafty conspirators con spired as their wont Is in secret on tn flure iv tn house, on tn sthreet cor ner or in tn gloom iv tn bar room. while he wint his guileless way. atin' his cigar in contint tillyphoning to. Pat McCarren an Charlie Murphy, wis., ittng tn White House two or three times a day. tillygrafting.' as usual. to county chairmen around tn country. In his deiuson tn poor man was even seen to meet some iv tn archest iv tn arch conspirators In dark alleys. Whin tn days wurruk was over. he gave his benediction to all. wfnt home, counted his mony hooked tn tillyphone receiv- CT to his left ear an climbed into bed to sleep ontil q quarther to four.
 At last tn blow fell. Tn conspira- tors announced that their divvlish plot had succeeded. They had tn votes. Tn old man was bewildered. Those who saw him in his agony say he danced a hornpipe, sang poplar song an of- fered to rassle annywan fir tn sigars. His frinds thried to quite him. Cant ye get some dimmycFatic mimbers. to help ye out?' says they. I do not know he says. I cannot tell ontil I go up to my house where they're walt in to see me. l cannot imagine what they want to see me about says he. An his tired eyelid dhrooped almost to his shouldher.
 An wud ye believe 1t. Hennlssy, tn erlad zOrpris4a that In atnra him