The Evening statesman. [volume] (Walla Walla, Wash.) 1903-1910, 1909-07-22
RETURNING FROM OUTINGS
NOTHING CAN STOP LIN
GUlSTiC FLOW.
Outtalk EN-, That's the Only Way to
Hold Even, and at That It's a
Chance You Are Downed.


They're loaded for snow birds and bar
with vacationizing experiences.
What's more, theil purpose is to
make you listen. They pin you to hot,
steamy buildings. they corral you in
Office corridors that are cul de sacs,
they nail you on street cars, they
swoop on you in your front yard at
eventme. they sit on the edge of your
desk and breathe their breath on your
tousled hair-telling you all about
their vacation experiences.
Their idea of the thing is that you've
got to listen.
And if you refuse to listen, they
have a cherished opportunity to pro-
claim you as crab, grump and a
crouch.
Now. in connection with this vaca-
ton thing. two facts stand out mono
lithically, viz:
Fact /. All vacation experiences are
exactly alike, and have been ever since
the era of the Hyksos Kings of Egypt.
Fact 2. The only vacation expert
ences that can possibly have any in
terest fd- you are your own vaca-
ton experiences.
Being thoroughly cognizant of these
two facts. it is natural that you don't
care to listen to anybody's vacation
experiences.
But how not to?
You can't be boorish about it. you
know When. for example. the fellow
in the next office to yours burst into
your Workroom on hot morning. ir-
radiating the gla,ing establishment
with the effulgence of his peeling
highly infiamed nose. and begins to
bawl at you, Say. old hawss. y'ought
to've been with me up at Lake Che
lan-sa- ay. I caught some fish up
there, honest. cross m heart, that
You cant. l say. when this fellow
begins to cool these things. grab him
bv the lapel Of his office coat, impale
him With a stony. fixed gaze, and say
things to him in essence about as fol-
laws:
Wait. Wait. Stop right where you
are, Tin that tinkle. Can that come
dy. Pack away that piscatOrial pers1-
fiage! Tut tut, not another word out
O. YOU! Sh-Sh-sh. nOw-shut up! / am
not going to listen unto you. l won't
do it. don't have to, and l shan't and
shall not, 1 know all about the fish
that you caught in Lake Chelan, and II
1 don't know I'm DANCED glad of it.
But. be that as it may, and far be IL
from me. you're not going to sit on the
edge of my desk, swinging your legs
and kicking all the enamel off the SIDES
and tell me all about your miZzable.
two-by-f four. Ornery. nickel-a-ride,
git thar by switchback, goshwoggled
vacation-nOt by two or three whole
handfuls of human hair. are you!
You're pretty decent people as folks
go and, YES / did used to go to the
Force school with you "a YEARS ago.
and all like that-Tm not denying
that. I'm not denying that you have a
certain claim based upon long friend
ship and things, upon me- I'm not de-
nying anything. except that you are
not a-going to cyclone in here Ike q
stampeded maverick and whistle an
endless chantey of thats-what-t they
all say vacation junk at me just be-
cause you consider me good natured
and helpless: you are not a-going to
uncoiI an interminable spool of NOV
ing picture films of everybody has-1ust
the vacation experiences on me
merely because, seeing that / haven't
been out of Washington myself TINS
SIMMER. YOU considd- me soft meat!
Dive get that? You are not! You can
do anything else you like. You can
kick the office cat dump the INK on
Office files. or bat holes in my type
writer-the machine. ] mean. of course
Or. I'll lend you eight dollars ana
q half if YOU need it-but you are not
going to tell me about your VACATION
and that's all there is to it! Are you
getting me?''
Won can't do it that way. why
of course not. That would be almost
impossible. if nothing else.
But there abe WAYS of tagging the
garrulity of the returned vacatloners'
nlenteous ways. of differing degrees OF
effectiveness of course. But ways
Supposin' we mention a few.
A gloaty chap of your acquaintance
who is perfectly familiar with the TACT
that YOU haven't put your foot out OIL
Washington this year. and who also
knows that there was a horribly nat
spell around here in the latter part OF
Tnra-that,r what makes him glOaty