davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
A Premium on Folly.

Uncle Hiram, who wears whiskers
and lives in comic week1ies, will be
delighted with the latest news from
New York A man In the metropolis
has invented device which enables
one to blow out the gas without fear
of the consequences. By a mechanism
too complicated to describe, the gas.
when blown out, automatically shuts
itself of. So perfect is the contriv-
ance, according to the inventor, that
even the gas bill ceases to run.
Hiram, the comics tells Us, has never
been able to understand why NEEDLE
some people should interfere with his
simple, homely diversions. Blowing
out the gas, he has always maintained.
is one of these personal privileges
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Mosquitoes XIII Cattle.

B. M. Foster and T. A. Dees return
I'd home from Cheniere au Tigre, an
Island south of Abbeville, Houston
Posts Lake Charles (La.) correspond
ant says Great myriads Of large mos
uuitoes caused the party to return
home at once. Mr.. Foster is authority
tor the statement that many head of
sattle are being killed by the pests,
and that the people of the island
would suffer a like fate II they ven
tured out. Day and night the inhab-
ltants are compelled to fight constantly
against the little pests, and what small
farm work is done on the island has
been sadly neglected.
Mr.. Foster says that the cattle on
the island can usually be found in
herds of about 100 each. but the mos
uuitoes have caused the animals to
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
PROPER TIME TO LAUGH.
Some Vaudeville JOkeIets Which |
Age Cannot Wither.

some Vau0SV11k0 IOAGAGt@ HIGH
Age Cannot Wither.
Vaudeville Is known as the laugh
trust" but not for the reason enc
might think. 1t gets the phrase be-
cause there are certain definite num-
Der Of devices in It's category of acts
that control the laughs Of its audi
ences. The same old things are always
good for a laugh in vaudeville. Ac-
cording to the Bohemian, a new de-
vice, q new bit of business" a new
Joke are all regarded as dangerous by
the performers. The following table
details some of the times at which
vaudeville audience regularly laughs:
When a comedian walks with.
mincing step and speaks in a falsetto
voice.
When a German comedian opens his
coat and discloses green waistcoat.
When a comedy acrobat falls down
repeatedly
When a performer asks the orches-
ira leader If he Is a ms rried man.
When a black-face comedian says
something about chicken.
When a performer starts to rise
from chair and the drummer pulls
a resined piece of cord so that the
performer thinks his clothes have
ripped.
When the drummer suddenly beats
the drum during comedians song
and the latter stops and looks in his
direction.
When a tramp comedian turns
around and discloses a purple patch
Or several pearl buttons or target
Eewed on the seet of his trousers,
When the funny member of the
| troupe of instrumentalists interrupts
the progress of a melody by sounding
disoordant note on his trombone.
When a clown of a team Of aero
bats poises himself to do a presuma-
bly, difficult feat and suddenly changes
his mind and walks away without do
Ing It
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

machines. The Government is not to
be commended for these failures in
utility. but certainly it is noteworthy
that this practical nation SO far for
got itself in admiration of medallic art
that It never inquired whether the
coins could be used or not. The plain
people naturally are more concerned
about the pennies than they were
about the gold pieces, the habit OF
stacking double eagles not being prev
alent outside of banks, subtreasuries
and cashiers offlces. The slot machine
has become a favorite means by which
the people come into communication
with chewing gum, chocolate drops
and other Injuries and diversions. It
was q serious matter when it was dis
covered that the new Lincoln penny
would not work in this capacity. The
fact that v. D. Bremen, the medalist,
had his initials tucked away micro
scopically on the penny, although OBJ
jected to, was unimportant- The slot
machine defect was serious, and fur
thermore 1t was discovered that the
bank coin machines could not be
worked with the new coins, The Gov
eminent Is getting too artistic. 1t
must have a care for the practical
things In life.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
.ProfessionaI Fathers"

A curious industry has sprung ny
in France owing to the law which
permits any man to declare himself
the legal father of child, the Paris
CORRESPONDENT of the London Express
saws. A number of men Of good fam
lily and small means have adopted pa
ternfty as a profession and are willing
for a small sum to declare themselves
fathers Of boys or girls who have nc
names of their own. AS long as these
honest men alone profited by the law
there was no particular reason to In
terfere. but the authorities are taking
steps to abrogate it now owing to
curious circumstances which have
come under their notice.
Some time ago a woman proceeded
against a man for theft and black
mail. He was sentenced to two years
Imprisonment The woman had a son
who had been registered as "of par
entage unknown" When the black.
mailer came out of prison he in due
form declared himself the young
mans father, and he is his father
still. Recently In a lawsuit in which
an inheritance was at stake the EVIL
dence proved that the legal father
of one of the parties was two years
younger than his daughter, and this
state of affairs is too Gilbertian to re
main possible much longer.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Courts for children, like those of
higher Jurisdiction, are sad reminders
of neglect, depravity and crime in man
kind. They exist not from choice or
through pride In the machinery of law.
but as a result of dire necessity in
some cases. The bar at which incor-
rigibles are arraigned should not be a
Judgment seat for musings accused of
trif1tng misdemeanors. Oficialdom
guilty of wholesale arrests and prose
cutions Of this description is itself In
need of discipline.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
flock together for protection, and he

flock together for protection, and he
saw one big herd with fully 10000 ami
mails punched and believing with
pain. The cattle. he says, keep NOV
ing to the windward to keep the pests
off as much as possible. Occasionally
one will become exhausted and fall be-
hind, or COW will stop to help it's
calf, only to meet hasty death. Some
animals Mr.. Foster saw have actually
been smothered to death by the great
swarms of mosquitoes.
mo one who has not witnessed con-
ditions on the island is able to form
any idea Of what the people and stock
have suffered" concluded Mr.. Foster.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

guaranteed US under the Constitution.
A machine which will enable him to
blow out all the gas within reach,
without need for subsequent hospital
treatment, will do much to restore
Hiram's faith in popular government.
So much for the blowing out of gas;
but why can not this beneficent genius
turn his attention to other needed in
ventions? Where is the machine that
will make banana peels on the side
walk delight to pedestrians? Isn't
there some device that will make the
humorist who rocks boats and pulls
chairs from under folks public bene-
factor? Can't we have an antidote for
the revolver which no one supposed
was loaded Success Magazine.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Interest in the project of damming
Niagara River has been renewed by
the approaching report of the Inter,
national Deep Waterways Commission
The members of the commission are
said to be individually in favor of the
dam. Shipping men favor it also, as
Che decline In level of Lake Erie every
autumn seriously interferes with their
business. It is estimated that dam
which would maintain the lake st g
permanent and satisfactory level could
be built for $5,00O,000.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

The Department of Agriculture has
issued g warning to the public concern
ing the growing use of phenacetin.
acetanilid and antipyrin These drugs
are declared to be true poisons. The
danger lies in the powerfully denres-
sing effect upon the heart. and in the
ease with which habit of use is form.
ed. Of large number of physicians
who gave testimony to the department
great majority stated that they were
prescribing these drugs less frequently
than was their former habit. In spite
of this, the sales are increasing. The
explanation is that the drugs are used
in headache powders and other prep
arations which are taken at soda foun-
tains or bought at drug stores for use
at home.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

If fish are fried on the panC"p, -,
die they will not stick, anu ~
turned without breaking 'p'g =
pieces. This is especially nN'
is cooking trout, for Wha' ID,
tempting on the table than .s r.
the "speckled beauties" Il VI"
fried without being broken
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
PAPERS b 4nr PEOPLE,

They demand of the competition WIN WHICH,
thew meet from their sisters who not as rlcn as
+bemsetves They don't want these to equal them IN
splender and in elegance.
Those who will hold out longest in this mad chase
will some day awaken to the fact that In spite OF All
their resplendent gowns they not really elegant
women hut limitations and no more. And then they
will take their money which they new waste on almost
inconceivabls to adorn themselves outWardy
and spend 1t in travel and In other SnlnsS WHICH
will enrich their intellect and will make them more at
tractive as women and not mere lay figures
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

A California man has invented fly
ing machine which he calls an orni-
thopter and by means of which he ex-
poets to be able to fly like an eagle. In
case his expectations are realized we
suppose 1t will be permissible to speak
of his performance as "ornithoping. +"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

There is good story teld of well known professor
examining three students. He asked the first
Does the earth round the the 60 round
the earth?"
THE earth goes round the SUM- SIR"
YOU" said the professor, quickly turning to the
second student.
20. the sun goes round the earth"
YOU" demanded the professor Of the third student
20, it's sometimes the one and sometimes the
other"
Our position then Is this: We gather a number Of
carefully observed facts and we then try to explain
them. We then look out for facts and II
theory explain these also If cannot must be
willing to alter theory.
When quite satisfied that theory is correct
then raise the theory to higher platform and call
it law of nature It is we'll to remember that with all
other knowledge these laws of nature of mans
making. It Is amusing how people think that
certain things happen because Of these laws OF
turey" ~ X the universe controlled by these
laws WATCH man has constructed! The laws Of nature
are only theories which to be correct They
not facts, but merely views Ideas Of facts.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Peach fritters are excellent VI
made as follows: Pare and INV
quantity of peaches, sprinkle WI"
gar, then roll them in powdered u
rooms, or fine stale cake crumV :,
fore placing in the frying pan -
brown, drain. roll in sugar sp,
with a few drops of maraschl'"
serve hot.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Preserved CitrOn.

Peel the citron, remove the Hs
and cut the fruit into cubes q
with water and cook until the /
is translucent, then skim it out
enough sugar to the water in vi
Ii Is cooked to make a rich g
cook for a few minutes, add the cit
to it again and cook until the 81
is thick. Stir in the juice Of lei
and eat while hot.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Wash, pare and thinly slice potatl
using vegetable sllcer. Let stand
half hour in cold water, then drain
dry between towels. Arrange IN lad
in a well-buttered frying pau, h1
pan three-fourths full, seasoning d
layer with salt and pepper and bHI
ing over with melted butter. Coil
q moderate oven until soft and \
Drowned.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

The Standard Oil Company, it is an
nounced, will manufacture butter as g
by-product. The Standard long time
ago manufactured axle grease, and
from axle grease to some kinds OF but
ter is only a step.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Hot Rauce for Cutlet''

After frying the outlets n"h IN
tie brown sauce by stirring d
fat a dessertspoonful Of nou', 4
Drowned add quarter OF piI ]
ter and stir till 1t boils. Adu w. =, B
spoonful of chopped piccallil ,sat
ney and a tablespoonful u
parsley and serve.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
ST. James Salad.

Press the required amount
cooked rice into a buttered Dol
mold; set on ice to chill; when
ing unmold on a bed Of cress Or
green's; fill center with cooked
beans (wax and f1ageolet), poS
cut into cubes, sliced carrot q
flower, button onions or other w
bles; dress with mayonnal%
WhipDed cream.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
She Wasn't Sure.

A famous baseball player has a
Younger sister who is intensely proud
of him, although not very familiar
with the national game. Mentioning
his name one day to a visitor, the
latter asked her what position her
brother played
Why" she stammered, Tin not
sure, but / think he's batter! Lip
pincOtt's
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Cut the peppers from end to
and remove the seeds and white N
brane. Put In a pan and pour boil
water over them and set aside d
the water IS cool. This will draw
the heat from the vegetables so
they will not be too sharp, Cut
lengths of uniform width and tI
a little butter. Serve as gan
with meats.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
To Make Fritoles,

Boil brown beans until thormg
done, usually about five hours;
mash thoroughly with a potato ns
er. Stir a little chopped onion
two or three pepper pods into 50
boiling olive oil or lard; strain
the oil or lard and put 1t into
mashed beans and fry until the OIL
lard is entirely absorbed by the ta
and they are quite dry.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Hens Nest DesEert

Put lemon jelly one-half inch 4.
in glass dish and harden, On,
yellow part Of lemon rind IN !
strips and boil in strip until ts,s
Lay them on the jelly to reprss.,'
nest Of straw. Fill whole egg d
with white blanc mango and \
hard peel off the shells and n
the hanc mango eggs in the nest n
Is pretty dish for children's No,
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Line a plate with plain paste y,
bottom with pieces of breaQ VI
with butter. Over this pour w. ".
made of one egg, one tablespoon >,
one-half teaspoon cornstarch sn'
cup milk. Upon this spread apr
thickly and sprinkle with ciDD'
then bake until custard is tnI'"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Red and White pio,.

Red and White Pick.
Select one large or two small
Of caulifiower, break into hi,
this add one-half pint of small ~,
two red peppers. Dissolve onaoa'
pint of salt in sufficient water :"
vegetables. Let stand over ~
Drain in morning. Heat ona
Of vinegar with two tablespoons
mustard until 1t boils, put IN y
tables, boil fifteen minutes, bOts. \
seal.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

With as little unseemly boastfulness
as possible to permit us to attract the
attention of critical and sometimes
captious Europe to the fact that this
Government of the free and equal in
Tts latest money making experiments
has sacrificed utility to esthetics. The
new gold pieces would not stack and
the new pennies will not fit the slot
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Stuffed Potatoes with Ms,,

Take uniform size potatoes
bake. When done cut them
halves and scoop out the centers n
ready cold cooked meat chopped
and nicely seasoned. Fill the potst
with the meat mixed with It'll.
the potato, dust the top with m
crumbs, put in the center a piece
butter. Place the potatoes in 4
and bake until thoroughly hot
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Tabled and Filed.

Mrs. Crawford-You must love your
husband very dearly Il you save all
the letters he sends you while you're
In the country.
Mrs. Crabshaw-Pm keeping them
for comparison, my dear. I'm sure to
catch him In a lie.-Judge.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

A New York correspondent objects
that mems clothes have too many peck
cts. An evident attempt to keep ur
the general average IL compensation
for the complete absence OF pockets in
women's clothing.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Owing to the advent Of the aero
plane some one from Kansas might
make a fortune by introducing the cy
clone ceNar in England.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Evelyn Thsw emphatically denies
that she is an angel child, and it is
probable that a large percentage OF
the population will be inclined to take
her word for it without any further
protestations.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Speaking of midsummer bargains
did you notice that The s1.oo0,o0o
Rockefeller building was sold by the
elder to the younger John D. for ST
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Edward Payson Weston, who has
walked across the continent in his
seventy-arst year, is living refuta
ton of the ch1oroform theory.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

In other words, according to the &C
commodating alienist, Thaw Was in
sane Just long enough to furnish thu
excuse which was going to be neces
Eary
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

The woman who thrashed her hus
band for getting drunk regarded II
doubtless merely as a case OF tight
lacIng.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

that the world him living and he is going to get
by hook or crook The honest workingman need take
onense the criticism OF the tramp class Inc nooo
or bum never worked and never will He Is the FELLOW
whose motto u.s. THE world me living" The
honest workingman knows that the world doesn't owe
him a living unless he earns it.
The solution OF the unemployed problem In the Dig
cities is the transportation Of who want to work
to places whore men are wanted for work There is
crying demand labor in this country In the fields
of the west and along the roads Of the west there Is
constant cry for men. In Chicago New YORK ana
the other large cities there thousands Of good hard
working men who could AL this need If they had the
chance trouble is they haven't the money to get
to the field of employment
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

PRINCIPLES Is that womans attraction resides not
much in spiritual and intellectual qualities, not In
her beauty but in her elegance And by elegance is
not meant poteness and the harmony OF her bear
ing and manners but simply the way in which she
"ayDears" the manner In which she Is dressed.
To be beautiful in day and age no longer means
to possess beautiful features. Modern language and
modern logic have changed the meaning and notion of
this Beauty to our modern notions is thing not In
tarnnl inherent God given external thing, de-
pendent upon the purse the tailor, and the milltner
The artists who devote their lives to making new
fashions styles for the beautiful sex are racking
their brains make gowns for which they are
to charge $500 or hats for $500 They do not plan
such high priced gowns because Of their great
nd;ty bat their patrons extravaganza Their
hast natrons demand high priced gowns and hats
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

No. Anxious Inquirer, Mfr. Ltttauer
was not party to the fatal glove con-
test on the battleship Vermont.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
FEMININE BEAUTY AS NOW INTERPRETED
By Marcel Provost.

Mrs. Howard Gould testified recently to the
effect that a truly elegant woman ought not
to wear the same gown twice. NO matter how
beautiful or expensive gown 1t may be. The
tendency towards almost inconceivable ex-
travagance in dress is not surprising in view
of the fact that society lays so much stress
upon appearance rather than upon accom-
piishments One of our first ultra modern
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Orville Wright earned $4,000 bonus
in II minutes and AZ seconds. 1t had
taken him some time, however, to get
ready to do the earning.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Five feet of books Will make some
men real scholars. And then, again
there are other men upon whose ma
tive ignorance Ave cords of books
wouldn't make an impression.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Philosophers, LIDS, and others OF
that character greet one another as
follows: Good evening; have you
made up a new religion YETI"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

The modern mother does SO much
to spare her children it is wonder
she doesn't think up some plan of
taking their pills for them.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
Green Corn Cakes

One-half pint Of milk WV ,.t
grated green corn, a ilt'i' n,t
eggs and -four sufficient .ads|
thin batter. Fry on the
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Good morning. Have you made an
investment by Frightening somebody's
life this morning?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Az King Alfonso would say: You
cannot make a Spanish omelet without
breaking a few eggs"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

sipp the undoubed balance Of power matter under
what name the national administration at Washington
exists the years that have passed population
and our material wealth have not enjoyed that repre-
senation to which they entitled and furthermore
our leaders have been content to follow in small
measure the leadership of who represent relatively
small constituencies and smaller commonwealths. 1t is
time that the great northwest should come into it's
own and by the its energy the ability of It's
sons and cooperation of its various constituent
parts influence for good not only to its
particular prosperity but to that Of the country at
large to which every element invites it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17
EAST MUST NOT DOMINATE THE WEST.

BY U0V. JOHH n JOHNSVH'
1t is time that the West threw off the
shackles Of the East We as an integral part
of the American people should cast our inf1u-
ence and our votes not only to advance the
material interests of our own particular sec
ton, but we should be broad enough and big
enough to labor for the common good Of our
common country.
We have In the States west Of the Missis-
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

The cigarette is the dead mouse IN
the wall of the tobacco shop.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1909-09-17

Galveston has King Canute beat sew
eral city blocks