The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1909-09-18
''Mr. DOOIey on Topic Of the Hour
BY r. p. Dunno

IA
tymony Nv both gallant souls, studyin
it carefully an maxim all allowances Fl
Typographical errors an poetic license
I'm FORCED TO say that tn weight IL
evidence goes to show that nayther ~
thin was ct tn north pole. It's aisy tc
figure out. Peary is man Nv unblem-
ished characlxter. Ivrybody admits that
He settles Cook. He says Cook nivel
was nearer tn north pole thin tn
stove In an Eskymos home that was
named afther him. On Peary's on-sup-
ported statement I am prepared. Hin
Missy, to say that Cook is an imposter
But, on tn other hand, Cook says
Peary did discover tn north pole. He's
his principal witness. But Peary says
Cook is liar An there We ar-re
Il don't want We two scientists f'r to
go away with amy hard feelin lords
each other so TIL sum'up tn tistymony
Here We ar-re. On wan side Dock Cook
reports that he suffered iliven minion
columns goin north an siven comm
back He on'y suffered a small para
graph at tn pole. Ye get firm his
| thrillin' narrytive a fine description iv
tn landscape v America firm tn Ever
glades north but nachrally he says lit
tie about III pole, lawn that to tn
Imagination where 1t belongs. ON that
gloryous day in APRIL says he, we ar
rived at tn goold Nv all ambitions.
will not burden tn readers with a de-
scription Nv tn place but will resoom
me story Nv me sufferins on me way
back says he.
Dock Peary undherwint foorteen
columns Nv agony goin' up an three
columns comm back. Whin he arrived
at tn pole he found nawthin' to write
about. AS FIR tn north pole says he,
this is an old story to most iv your
readers so l will not attimpt to de-
scribe IT, A full account will be found
in me forthcomin' book, two vols, calf,
ltwelve-Yno, declle-e edge, fully illus
thrated price two dollars a volume,
forty and ten of to tn thrade. we
!manny important observations at tn
pole. TIL most important was an OBJ
Starvation made to wan Nv me faith
full COMPANIONS, to-wit: Now that
we are here, now that we have unveil-
ed wan Nv tn wurruld's mysteries an
reached tn height Nv me ambition, we
must go back as fast as we can.
me mind that Cook was niver at tn
north pole. I'd take his wurud fr It
alone, but he backs 1t up with EVIL
dence. He'll be able to show that tn
speed tn dock says he made was I'm
possible. He travelled more thin half
as fast as Peary. He says he'll show
be tn Evidence Nv thruthful an veer-
acyous eskymos that tn dock was niv-
er out Nv sight Nv land. Who ar-re tn
eskymos, says We? TIL same relIble
witnesses Dock Cook brings for'ard
to establish his claim to be tn first in
that great Canajeen suburb! No less!
TIL very men that accompanied him
on that dhread journey, his lille serv-
ants. his faithful COMPANIONS, who
rode over tn frozen seas with him,
shot tn musk-ox an tn polar bear
with him, divided their last gum
dhrop with him, pinted out tn pole
to him an give him a CERTIFICATE to
take back with him!
But Dock Cooks indictment of
Peary is aven more crushin'. TIL ma
lignant spirit w tn man is shown in
his rejoindher. He endorses Peary's
claim!
We'll, sir, tn lord save me firm dis
coverin' anything If / can believe
what both these here ginrous foes says
about each other tn govermint ought
to stop thin at Ellis island as onde-
sirable immigrants. Dock Cook says,
says he: I do not wish to say amy
thing FIR publication about me old
commander, but IL he don't return TIL
kag iv blubber an tn bag iv gum
dhrops he stole firm me but last year,
I'll go to tn polls about it. Did We
notice his watch? / make no charges
but If he shows an open face silver
watch marked with tn initials Dock
Cook, to show that he's been at tn
north pole, let me know says he.
Says Peary: I missed a pair iv
rubber boots, a scarf pin, two barls iv
homeless candles an bar Nv Shawn
soap whin I come back to Etah. / do
not know who stole thin but tn de-
scription Nv tn man seen Iurlxin' around
me cabin tallies with a sartain alleged
explorer firm Brooklyn.
; $50 they're both comm home, where
glory waits thin with a club. TIL he
roes ar-re returnin' an their claims to
} immortality is to be submitted to a
) comfy iy scientists, who will decide
; immortality as tn wan that said he
t discovered tn pole an didn't an which
! gets second money as tn discoverer iv
: tn pole. I'd divide it. / agree with
that there imminent pathron iv science
r tn la-ad who In his labrytory at Pam
: Beach, where he was busy with a
: chemical process FIR removin' tn gilt
. firm gilded youth, first conceived tn
: idee Nv sindin' Dock Cook to tn pole
' He wants to call 1t a spit an deal over
: rr it.
: "Annyhow IL there ar-re goin' to be
: medals distributed FIR 1t I'm goin' tc
lput in a claim. No wan has suffered
a more in tn cause Nv science thin
4 have. With indomitaible courage, sup
y ported be inadequate food an more in
I adequate dhrink, have pushed
/ through tn thousands Nv columns that
: separate us fr'm our pleasant readin
: in tn pa-apers. To And tn baseball
I an tn fightin' news, tn domestic broi
7 an tn crimes iv me fellow citizens
1t has been nicissry rr me to wade
Z through miles on miles Nv sloppy read.
In, pitchers Nv scenes in BROOKLYN
I Copenhagen an Uppernavik. perth.
$ rats Nv ladfn' citizens, tn life W tn
v king Nv Denmark, copyright notices, tn
histhry iv Sir John Franklin an th
4 life an times Nv Elisha Kent Kane.
i. have glided swiftly over acres Nv in
!. Interviews with fissors Nv geology
i sicreties Nv artic societies an tn enor
a nous mass Nv our population, Cook
e guides at Mount Mckinley. / hav
faced the unknown terrors Nv Docl