Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1909-01-22
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Have you got an independent for
tuner mo, I'm married ed"-Clevelan
Leader.
Mrs. Knicker-Where do you keep
your auto? Mrs. Newrlch-In mirage,
of course.-New York Sun.
Jimmie-My mas gone downtown to
pay some bills. Tomme-Pooh! The
man comes to the house to collect ours
He-She is such a charmingly inno-
cent girl, isn't she? She-Oh, yes she
has taken years to acquire 1.-THE
Taller.
Knicker-You know that speech is
given to man to conceal his thoughts.
Broker-Well, penmanship does it even
better.-New York Sun.
She (at the piano)-I presume you
are true lover of music, are you not?
lle-Yes, l am; but pray don't stop
playing on my account.
John, you yawned twice while we
were calling on that lady" "Well,
mouth closed all the time, did you?
Magistrate-If | remember rightly,
this is not your first appearance in
court. Prisoner-No, your honor; but
| hope you don't judge by appearances"
"I've just figured out how the Venus
de Milo came to lose her arms!"
How "She broke them off trying to
button her shirt waist up the back
Puck.
Weary Walker-I see 500 more men
has been t'rown out of work. Tired
Traveler-Gee! Dere's gettin' to be
too much competition in our business
Puck.
"The seventeen mothers in the vii
lage mothers club agreed to decide by
ballot which had the handsomest baby"
'Well, who won itT Each kid got
one vote"
Are marriages made in heaven?"
"As to that | can't say. but | do know
this much" what is that, Peleg?"
"There'e lots Of courting done in
church. ."-Washington Herald.
This watch will last you for life,
time" remarked the jeweler. "Non-
sense" retorted the customer. Cant
see for myself now that its hours are
numberedT-London Spare Moments.
Man Ito boy at roadside) What
time is it? Boy-Purty near II o'clock.
Man-ThOught it was more than IL.
Boy--Nope. Never gets more than ~
In this country. Begins at 1 again.
Judge.
ystander-Doctor what do you
think Of tbs mans injuries? Doctor
| (of Irish extraction) Two of them are
undoubtedly fatal; but as for the rest
of them, time alone can tell.-Boston
Transcript.
You have new housemaid see,
Mrs Youngwife. Eyes, got her about
week ago." 'How do you like herr"
Every much indeed. She let's me do
! almost as I like about the house,
London Tit-Bits.
what diagnosis did the doctor make
Of your wife's illness" "Said she is
suffering from overwork." "Is that
soY' yes; he looked at her tongue
and reached that decision immediate
ly."-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Newwed-YOu never call me pet
names now unless you want something
Before marriage it was different. Mrs
Newwed-Oh, no. Before marriage I
called you pet names because | wanted
you.-London Gentlewoman.
Jimmie, your face is dirty again this
morning" exclaimed the teacher.
"What would you say If came to
school every day with a dirty face?"
Huh" grunted Jimmie, I'D be too
perlite to say anythlng?"-Circle.
Mother Tin very low voice. Tom
my, your grandfather is very ill., Can't
you say something nice to cheer him up
a bit? Tommy Gin an earnest voice)-
Grandfather, wouldn't you like to have
soldiers at your funeral alT'-LOndOn Tit
Bits.
I'm sure" said the areveler, "the
public would be interested to know the
secret Of your success" "Well, young
man." replied the captain of industry,
"the secret of my success has been my
ability to keep 1t cret."-Catholic
Standard and Times.
"Tm afraid I'm catching cold" said
Kloseman, trying to get some medical
advice free. every once in a while
l feel an itching in my nose, and then
l sneeze. What would you do in case
like that, doctorT "Well," replied DR..
Sharpe II guess I'd sneeze, too"
"How did those two ever come to
marry each otherY "Well, she was
tha onlv woman no over know who