Watertown leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1909-1911, 1909-10-01

facetlouS tiu Lady ito tramp)-l0u
remind me of piece of flannel.
Tramp do, eh? And why so, missus?
Facetious Old Lady-You shrink from
washing.
How old are you, my son?" asked an
old gentleman of tot" who was cele-
brating his birthday
I'm four was the reply, "and TN
mighty glad of it. was getting tired
OF being three all the time"
A promising youth recently surprised
his father by asking:
Father; do you like mother?'
! "Why, yes; of course. "
"And she likes you"
"Of course she does"
did she ever say SOP"
MANY time, my SON"
you?"
Certainly she did"
| The boy scrutinized his parent closely.
and after long pause asked:
"Well, was she as near-sighted then
as she is nOw?"
Mrs. Crawf0rd-You say It is impossible
to get any money out of your husband.
Have you gone about it the right way?
Mrs. Crabshaw-Ive tried everything,
my dear, except sending him a Black
Hand letter.
Capt. Tracey, who lived down in Ken
tucky was good old hard-shell Baptist.
who occasionally would tell story at
the expense of the brethren. Years ago
they were not so conspicuously orthodox
on the temperance question as they are
in our time.
ION one OCCASION" sid the captain,
"the brethren in my region were about
to have a grand church gathering, and
all the faithful in the neighbOrhood were
expected to exert themselves. to enter
tain suitably and Hospitality the visiting
brethren. Two of my neighbors met
each other just before the grand gather
ing. One Of them said:
"'What are you going to do?'
"'Well," replied the man, I've laid in
a gallon of first rate whisky
"A gallon retOrted his neighbor,
with look Of contempt; why I've got
barrel; and you are just as able to sup
port the gospel as | am"
''Have you ever noticed the kindly !
providence Of nature?'
whats on your mind?"
Il was thinking of the thOughtfulness
of covering the trees with foliage so the
cunning little caterpillars would have
something to eat.'
$50 you don't guide hunting parties
any more?"
Nope" said the guide. "Got tired of
being misto0k fer a DEER
''HOw do you earn a living now?"
"Guide fishin' parties So fer, nobody
amt miStO0k me fer a fish"
The Emerald Isle is fond Of Charlie |
BeresfOrd and Charlie is proud Of his ma
tive land and countrymen. 'Irishmen
have their faults" he says, "but give me
an Irishman-the best fellow that ever
was. Could anybody tell moro stories
than the Irish?"
One Of the best stories he ever heard |
was about fellow who was very fond of
shooting. He said: "rhe first bird | |
ever shot was a squirrel, and the first
time [ hit him | missed him altogether,
and the next time | hit him | hit him
in the same place, and after that | took |
a stone and dropped him from the tree,
and he fell into the water and was shot, |
and that was the first bird | ever shot"
And the Lord Charles is never tired of |
quoting the story of the Irish member of
the house Of commons who compared a |
certain whisky to ''torchIight process
sion trickling down his throat"
o.
When the young husband reached |
home from the Office he found his wife |
in tears. ooh, John p she sObbed on his
shoulder, Il had baked lovely cake and |
put it out on the back porch for the !
frosting to dry and the dog ate it,"
"Well, don't cry about it, sweetheart"
he cOndoIed, patting the pretty, flushed
cheek. II know a man who will give us
another dog"
A recently returned traveller was tell |
ing a friend Of the extremely cold |
weather he had encountered during |
northern journey, using several forceful
illustrations. "Huh," retOrted his friend, |
that's nothing compared to the climate |
of Alaska. Why, when | was up there
last carried bucket of boiling water
out of doors, and it fr0ze SO quick that
when [ went to bring it in FIVE minutes
later the ice was still warm p
"This," said the teacher of arithmetic |
to her class, sis a unit" She held up a
pencil. "This book is a unit, too, and