davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
A Chinese Statesman.

The late Chang Chin Tung was a
Chinese statesman little known in the
Western world. Yet his was a rare COM
bination OF progressive and. conservative
qualities. These were Of use during the
Boxer troubles, for he used his influence
as viceroy OF an inland province to pre-
vent the spread southwark Of the agita-
ton against foreigners. 1t was his atti-
tude that lent force TO the foreign theory
that the capture Of Pekin by military
force was not an act OF war. This states
man favored the building of railways
and the introduction OF other Western
innovations. He sought to awaken China
to the waxing power Of Japan. He was
intensely patriotic. He was hostile to
any foreign influence that threatened the
independence Of his country or TO under
mine the good elements in Chinese clvili-
cation He opposed merely selfish ex-
ploitation by foreigners. He wrote a
book upon patriotism, which advocated
internal reforms. He wrote also a book
OF rhymes. which the Chinese soldiers in
his province were taught to chant. Some
Of these verses have been thus trans
lated:
I'VE prde ourselves On our antiquity.
but foreign nations ridicule our weakness
"Knowlcdge is power.
what but their newly acquired knowledge
Enabled the japanese 10 gain the victory over Us
And win for themselves place
Among the great powers Of tho earthi
"Oyer against their three small islands
Have We not a vast territory with four hun
dred milliOnsl
III We Of the yellow race learn 10 stand together
"Where l. the nation that viii dare 10 modest
usf'
1t is the record OF such a native leader
and teacher among his own people that
tends TO throw more light upon the
inner life and thought OF the Celestial
empire.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15

When the lovely queen OF the last Louis
to rule France was told that a mob Of
women we're marching from Paris upon
Versailles, crying for bread. she limo
Gently asked why the poor creatures. If
they had no bread, did not eat cake.
Later the guilotine answered her inno-
cent query. Now. the populace Of New
York because of a strike Of bakers.
hungers for its daily ration OF pie. The
craving affects alike the upper and the
lower crust of society. The longing for
pie is active in both the just and the
unjust. II is as old as civilization. 1t is
even prehistoric, for Eve tempted Adam
with the possible filing Of a pie Must
now the jewellers in the palaces Of the
metropolis, as well as the denizens Of its
East Side, share the suffering OF a com
mon deprivation, merely because a union
Of piemen demands an increase Of wages?
In New England. where the dilettante
find brain food in beans and pie for
breakfast. some exit from such an i'm
passe would speedily be forced Has New
York less ingenuity or determination? Here
IS labor difficulty that halts the pro-
duetion Of an article for which humanity
has been taught TO hunger. Greece and
Rome knew not tobacco. but they did
know pie. The trail OF the pie in this
country extends from Maine to Texas.
from Florida to Oregon. Here is a labor
conflict that calls for speedy arbitration
The suffering land can no more abstain
from the consumption Of pie than from
the burning Of coal. Clearly, there is a
precedent for Intervention by the Presi-
dent. His successful settlement Of the
pie strike while en- route would crown his
journey with a meringue Of happy diplo-
macy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
The Military Surgeons.

The convention OF military surgeons
which was held in Washington during
the past week furnished the occasion of
profitable exchange OF professional serv-
ice view. There was a gratifying interest
manifested in the problems with which
the army and navy medical officer has
10 do in time OF war Time was
when the work Of the surgeon was re-
garded as OF little Importance compared
with the plans OF strategy. but It has
come to be realized. especially as re-
suit Of our war with Spain and by virtue
OF the observations permitted the MILL
tary experts who witnessed the move
ments Of the Russian and japanese
armies. that the health OF the army is
an important element contributing 10
the efficiency Of an armed force in the
field An initial preeaution against dis
ease among troops. OF course. is the
modern system OF camp sanitation and
the recognition by the military officers
THAI the regulations or the surgeons
must be enforced.
The measures which have been taken
TO promote the health Of troops sepa-
rated from their garrisons and either
periodically encamped or much on the
march are now accepted as quite as i'm
portant OF observance as anything which
enters into the varied features Of that
important function known as prepared
ness for war. Il Is gratifying 10 observe
the intelligence and enthusiasm mani
tested by the militia medical officers, who
give their time and effort from their
private practice TO the work OF familiar
izing themselves with the methods adopt
ed IN behalf OF the health OF the fighting
personnel The regular army and navy
surgeons have wrought successfully in
building up a system which offers secur-
ity to the physical fitness OF the soldier,
sailor, and marine. II is not merely.
now. a question Of taking care Of the
wounded in battle, it is more a matter
Of keeping troops In the condition OF
health which will make It possible for
them 10 meet the service demands upon
them. and Of relieving the moving column
Of the burden OF the disabled men That
is a progress IN the science which is a
material contribution to military ef-
fciency and an increase In the fighting
power Of an army in the presence Of an
enemy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
P0LITENESS.
periority'

Thomas L. Mason. in DippincottS
Politeness consists IN concealing from
other people the fact that they annoy
you
II man springs up from his seat in a
crowded car 10 give it to a woman. that
is politeness. II ne permits his wife to
drag a chair from one room into the
other while he is smoking and reading
the evening paper. that is innocent alb
sorption.
II pays to be polite when 1t doesn't
cost anything.
Politeness originated IN the Garden
OF Eden. when Adam fell merely to oblge
Eve. land yet they say that man is
selhshD
We should always be polite TO our in
feriOrs-in the presence of our super
iors. Nothing is more effective.
The man who is truly polite never
forgets himself. Such a man. II he is
obliged to kick another man downstairs
to him.
Children are naturally impolite, until
they are taught chat they cannot hope
70 make much money without.
Always be polite when you are Dor
rowing money from a friend. Remember
that it doesn't cost anything 10 give
him the impression that you are going
10 pay him back.
There are two kinds OF politeness: po-
likeness 70 yourself and politeness TO
others.
When you come home late at night.
for example, even IL you are very tired,
always remove your hat and coat be-
fore getting into bed. II is little at
tentlons ike this that constitute you a
gentleman. At the same time, do not
disturb your wife if you can possibly
avoid it. 1t Is the height Of rudeness TO
awaken a sleeping lady.
The polite man is always welcome
everywhere. That is. almost everywhere
except at a bargain counter, a fire, or
a financial panic.
Then he is de trop.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
A Doubtful Expedient.

The rumor lately given currency 10 the
effect that the British premier viii, with
King Edwards consent. create at once
sufficient number OF new peers-of Lib
eraI persuasion-to insure the passage
Of the proposed budget without further
ado. is hardly to be taken seriously, we
imagine If there is any foundation for
it at all, it probably was given out more
in the nature of a mild threat than other
wise.
While such solution OF the present
diniculty would be extremely distasteful
to the Lords In its immediate aspect, II
would tend eventually. in all probability,
to strengthen the position of that honor
able body-something the Liberal party
surely cannot be supposed to favor.
II the passage Of the budget as at pres
ent demanded by the Commons were the
only thing entering into the makeup OF
Liberal philosophy, perhaps the premier
might, by putting in operation the sug-
gestion noted. attain his desires right
speedily. But the making OF a Liberal
majority in the Lords is one thing, it
appears. and the keeping Of it quite an
other. Somehow, so experience indicates,
there is something in the atmosphere Of
the "gilded chamber" that generally az
fects the Liberal temperament profound
~ and quickly when once encountered.
To the Liberal untitled and sternly proof
against this insidiOus influence, it prob
ably is explainable only on the ancient
theory that evil communications corrupt
good manners. But whatever the appli-
cable psychological theory may be. the
painful fact apparently remains that the
most rampant Liberal, promoted 70 the
Lords. becomes eftsoon the most ultra
Tory Of them all.
We fear this is all an old, old story.
Something Of the sort has inspired sa-
tirical prose and verse from time i'm
memorial When one gets used to wear
ing a coronet and hobnobbing with lords
in merry England. doubtless things look
different After all. there is moro OF less
human nature IN that. II there Is not
much sense in it. And so, while the Gre
alton of big batch of Liberal peers at
this time. probably would accomplish
the pending designs Of the party in
power, It likely as not would prove
tremendous embarrassment in the years
to come.
Wherefore. we suspect as between end
ing or mending-as herein suggested-the
Lords. the former would prove by far
the safer thing to do. the Liberals having
an eye TO possible future complications
and struggles no less than to the present
crisis.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
Breach of Promise Pleas

Civilized man cannot live without cooks
That dictum Of the poet is in brief the
plea OF one Nicholas Pappas. who became
engaged in Nav York to lady Of the less
classical name Of Shea, made a Journey
to his native land, and returned with an
earlier sweetheart as his bride He met
the suit for damages brought by the
deserted fair one with the plea that she
had failed 10 keep contract to take
lessons IN cooking. He held that this
absolved him from any obligation. But
the plaintiff urged that she had wept
every day for i've months, and she esti-
mated her tears at $4,000. or 5000 per
month. Quite different is the case OF
Miss Luella Loustetter. OF Pittsburg. who
sued her recreant lover for S25.O00. That
was her estimate Of damages because OF
her loss Of weight Of twenty-five pounds.
Evidently she considered the value of
her avoirdupois to be $1,000 per pound.
= These are two radically different meth
DDS OF estimating feminine damages from
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
New York Farms.

Secretary Of Agriculture Wilson found
that the farmers Of the West, with their
automobiles and palaces, had learned the
true meaning of luxury. But of a trip
through New York State. he observes: 1T
was a beautiful country that we passed
through. but the farms generally did not
show prosperity. I saw hardly any sheep
on the hillsides, Next to the COW the
sheep is the most profitable domestic ami
NAL Many OF the districts looked depopu-
lated. We saw plenty OF children in the
villages, but few in the rural regions. The
country looks deserted. In fact, interest
in agriculture appears to have declined
in New York State to a great extent.
sixty thousand Americans have gone
to Canada and taken 900 with them
TO buy wheat lands in Canada They
would do better 10 take these old farms
here and manage them by modern means.
I cannot see whatever started folks
away from these farms. Why, last year
100000 bushels of potatoes were imported
into New York state. That should not
be. Good profit can be made on any
Of the farms with potatoes at 50 cents
a bushel"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
AprOpos The HeraId's Cartoons.

Prom the Brookport Eagle.
Mr.. Cunningham, who has fine vision
Of things both national and interna-
tional: who. by q few strokes OF a pen,
says what a whole newspaper page cam
not: who deals in a wholly independent
spirit. carrying out 20 an iota the indie
pendence Of The Washington Herald.
and the writings OF Scott c. Bone. its
editor. hit upon a vein Of truth In the
two cartoons relative 10 the BallingeT-
Pinchot dispute not usually to be found
In the first. which appeared some months
ago. he disclosed the information that
President Taft, after investigation, had
discovered "A skeleton in the closet"
In the second. which appeared after
President Taft. having dug 10 the bot
tom Of the matter. puts his 20. X" on
both-rightly interprets a International
bewilderment 10 find they're both
right" It indeed presented IAN admin
istration paradox yet il reflected the
wisdom Of President Taft, Signalling
him as the greatest diplomacy dealer in
the United States or the world to-day.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
Wasted Effort.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
The man who thirsts for knowledge
halted the banana seller.
My friend" he said, Il am deeply in
terested in this unfortunate discussion
over the identity OF the true discoverer
OF the Hudson River"
The banana man smiled.
Tree for five-a-cent." he said
The quesGoner shook his head.
LAS an Italian he resumed. you must
be familiar with the name and deeds Of
the famous Verrazzaro-"
Playa da org?"
NO. no. Verazzano. the great navi-
gator"
"Ahl Luigi-gotta da monk?''
NO. no. Saila da sheep-navigator,
mariner. discoverer. Understand"
"Colombo?'
NO, not Columbus. VerraZZano- Long
time ago little boat crossed the ocean
found the Hudson River-great man
Verrazzano-Italanor
Where he liver
He doesn't live. He died a long time
ago"
Michael AngeloT"
''Verrazzano"
You no lika banan2 So long"
And the craver for knowledge was left
alone.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
Sailed SIMOLEONS.

Come let strain both Drawn and brain to pile I'D mighty
heaps OF plumber let toll and grind and o and let ause
60 thunder In divers chimes well nail the dimes by
methods white methods yellow we'll keep up steam and plan
and scheme and sometimes soak the other fellow We have no
time for song and rhyme plays other things dverting the
eager lust for dough and dust gripping until It's hurting
We have heart for works of for scped bv grand
old masters greenback dreams and gehere schemes stick
tighter than adhesive pasters We can't leave our board
for half day. go ahng grab the puhk kindred Junk
that is the burden of wishing And thus we strive while
we're alive and jog upon oyess journey when we
this is the jokeour wad swiped by attorney
Copyright 1909 Matthew Adaus) Walt MASON.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
A STAGE FAYoRITE.
The Venerable SIapstick Always
Draws a Laugh.


From the Bohemian
For the benefit Of the incredibly IN
genuous it may be explained that a slap
stick Is an instrument made Of two bar
rel slaves and a fat handle. BY means
Of stout nails or bolts the sterns Of the
barrel slaves are fastened TO the han
die. This brings their forward ends into
iuxtaposition, but makes them miss ac-
tual contiguity by the space Of from
three-quarters TO seven-eights Of an inch.
It now becomes apparent that II the
completed slapstick be grasped by the
handle and brought down smartly upon
some solid or semisolid object. the two
slaves will come togethed with a sharp
click In the hands Of a skilled virtuoso.
this click takes on a thousand varieties
and meanings. In its primary form IL
may mean only tag. you're itr' but
when keyed up. by superhuman exertion.
10 thunderous violence, II may signify
anything you please. from a simple
knockout TO utter humiliation.
Unless you have seen a true artist
WELD the slapstick you have never faith
omed the ultimate depths OF comedy.
surance that you have never really
laughed. Behold the assistant comedian
In the center Of the stage, provoking
the willing smoker with his stale
wheezes. Suddenly, from the third
groove the chief comedian energies,
sneaklng softly and with siapstick in
hand Shorts Of anticipation are shot
through the smokers. The assistant COM
edian keeps on: the chief comedian
sneaks closer. Then. while the whole
house hold breath, the slapstick rises
In the air and begins 10 describe its ex-
Quisite parabola. A half-second Of dead
silence and-bing, bang, bling!
"Har! Har, Har" You laugh once
more the cosmic laugh of a schoolboy-
You lean back IN your chair. throw back
your head and howl The tears run down
your cheeks and your midrih aches with
the violence of your merriment. All
around you sounds the deep booming Of
a thousand whole-souled outlaws. The
fat man across the aisle has fallen out
Of his seat. The newsboy up in the gal
lery raises the roof with his shril cackle.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15

masculine fickleness. Tho basis of one
calculation is tears, and OF the other 1t
is flesh. Perhaps either factor is more
than the indefinite elements
Of injured pride and lacerated feelings.
At least, there are established units for
a mathematical calculation. Yet the cash
value Of tears seems more -probIematical
than that Of the inward suffering, for
who shall minister 10 a mind diseased?
Moreover the supply of tears VIGOROUSLY
exceeds the demand. There have been
known women who even find JOY in weep
ing. Dickens did not tax his ingenuity to
find such a character for fiction. AS for
the value Of flesh, the wisdom OF a Portia
the plaintiff in a cause celebre.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
WAILOWING IN LITERATURE.
Kansas More Than Supplied with
Books and Pamphlets of All Sorts.

Kansas More Than Supplied with
Books and Pamphlets of All Sorts.
From the Empora Caste.
The Gazette has received a large bundle
OF literature from the Illinois Associa-
ton Opposed to the Extension OF Suffrage
to Women.
It Is doubtful whether the sporting
editor viii be able to read these pamph-
lets carefully this fall as the Office has
lately been deluged with books. pamph-
lets. brochures. and tracts. to such an
extent that man might read night and
day for a year and not get half way
through The literature OF the Brewers
Association alone keeps the janitor busy
carrying waste baskets into the base
ment Then there are valuable reports
from officials at washington. and eX-
tracts from the Congressional Record,
and catalogues from mail-order houses
and RATS OF other stuff; and so It seems
improbable that the Gazette viii be able
to do full justice TO the Illinois associa-
ton with the voluminous name for many
moons.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
THE NEW THEME.
9 was a quip on. every lip

There was a quip on every lip
About that I'D
Which proudly swept 10 fame yclep
The Merry Wild.
We used to cape at each new shape
And daily stare
At hats askew that hid from view
My lady's hair.
But Fashion sweeps in dusty heaps
The modes of spring.
And now we joque about the toque.
The latest thing.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
PEOPLE AND THINGS
EIectricity IN Arclent Time..


The suggestion OK Georg Ebers, made
in a novel some years ago, that the
Egyptians made use Of lightning con-
ductors. is sustained by writer in the
Elektrotechnische Anzeiger with many
incidents to show that electricity was
not unknown to the anclents, and that
Georg Ebers' suggestion is well founded
Instruments much like the modern
helioTaph were here used by priests as
means of communication between
temples
The temples. he says. were protected by
lightning rods. The Biblical descriptions
Of these temples show that the roof was
provided with metallic points, held aloft
by columns, and that these points. ending
in chains, terminated in a great water
tank He adds: "All OF which is vouched
for in the First Book Of Kings and the
Second Book OF Chronicles"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
Mr. Crnne,s Indiscretion.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Whether Mr.. Crane blameworthy or not, the
Department Of State could not do otherwise than
recall him. The mere fact that he had talked
about the relations Of the government with China
and japan IN a way that caused A sensation At
Pekin and Tokyo would have required this even If
1t had not cast doubt upon his diplomatio quail
fcations.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
THE FLAT-HUNTER's WAY.

We don't get any too much light;
It's pretty noisy. too. at that;
The folks next door stay up an night;
There's but one closet in the fat:
The rent we pay is far from low;
Our fat is small and in the rear;
But we have looked around and 50
We think vel stay another year.
Our diningroom Is pretty dark;
Our kitchens hot and very SMALL
TIE view" we get Of Central Park
We really do not get al all.
The ceiling cracks and cumbles down
Upon me as I'm working here;
But after combing all the town
We think we'll stay another year.
We. arc not handy" to the sub:
Our hall boy service Is a Joke;
Our janitor's a foreign dub.
Who never does a thing but smoke.
The landlord says he win not cut
A cent from rent already dear;
And 50 we sought for better-but
We think wen stay another year.
New York Ma.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15

Wilbur Wright deserves the medal for
destructiveness. Just as soon as he gets
a new record, he breaks it, says the
Detroit Free Press. Mr.. Wright is the
only person we know OF righteously en-
titled 20 live in an apartment house and
own a monograph simultaneously.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
A Quick Finish.

Have you finished enumerating the
things you won't do?" inquired Mrs.
Housekeep.
The prospective cook admitted that she
had.
Then perhaps you'll specify the things
you can't do. Then can tell n we can
get along together"
The prospective cook decided right there
that they couldn't.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
An Awful Punishment.

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger
so you're going to introduce baseball
among the prisoners? I don't approve
What will become Of discipline?"
IF a man gets too obstreperous," re-
piled the warden, confidently, well make
him umpire"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
Do. La FOIIette Aggressive.

From the Springfield Republican.
Fight As you might fight for your life against
that legislation. said Senator Ia Toilette Of Wis
consin. to a Minnesota audience referring to the
proposed central bank. Then he went on to speak
Of the Aldnch emergency currency law as q "ggan-
tic fraud passed merely To afford a market for the
securities Of overeapitalized corporations" Peace in
the Republican parry out West does not seem TO
be making much progress.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15
MIR. whitney on Prices.

From the Boston Transcript
Mr.. Henry NJ. Whitney literally Comedies that
the rise IN prices Of the necessities Of life Is not
wholly due to the tariff. This would seem
legitimate inference from the worldwide character
Of the price movement He adds that the influence
of the tariff is in the direction Of increasing the
prica Of living. This is also true
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15

For the second time within the past two
weeks the New York Post Of Wednesday
last split an inhnitive in discussing the
Cook-Peary controversy. Never before
have we known the Post to take a sub
iect quite so much to heart.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1909-10-15

From Punch.
Pat-Could yer give a man q Job. yer
honor7
Barber-well, you can repaint this
pole for me.
Pat-Be jabers, I can. sor, II you'll
tell me where 10 buy the striped paint