The Brandon news. (Brandon, Miss.) 1892-1961, 1909-04-22
HELP. HELP! 100000 WOMEN ARE
IN DANGER OF BECOMING OLD
MAIDS.

From Boston comes the wireless
signal: &C. @. d." which, being in
terpreted, meaneth "Help!" One hum
dfed thousand women are in danger
i'm danger of becoming old maids.
The problem is, how cam they be saw
ed from such a, fate? This news is
not only not at all likely to bring
men to the rescue, but is likely to
make them to take to the womanless
woods in some PARKWAY country
where the spinsters do not trouble
and the weary are at rest. Help is
wanted but there is no help in sight
The cowarily men not coming to the
relief of the 100000 spinsters, theWom
ems Massachusetts, Homestead AS
ISOLATION has been formed to see if
something can be done. Its promo
ters propose to buy tracts of lands
and establish little colonies for sin
gle ladies' unattached, where each one
can have her own plot OF ground her
OWN little vegetable patch, flower gar
den, and her own vine AMI fig tree.
The HCMeSteaders point cut that the
coloa.sts could support themselves by
raising flowers, herbs, plants, mush-
rooms, strawberries, vegetables and
squads, chickens and bees and pigs.
This sounds all right, except the pigs.
Now, We all know that pigs is pigs, >
AMI pigs are hardly ladylike. So we
respectfully advise that pigs be
scratched from the list. If the num-
Der of old maids and widows con-
tinues to increase and the number
OF men continues to decrease in pro-
portion, we can imagine in the year
1910 that. New England will be enc
vast stretch of oldmaiii colonies. We
can see the trains running through
miles of flowers, plants, herbs and
strawberries; we can see whole acres
of cats AMI poodle dogs spread out
over the landscape; the steam rising
from the million teapots. and the hum
of gossip sounding like one vast talk
factory from Long Island Sound to
Maine. It would he "a real mo
Man s Lane, /" and brave would be
the man who would venture to land
there. This is a great project, a pro-
ject worthy of the great mind of New
England-one that might have had it's
origin in the colossal brain Of the inn
mortal tsee ca&alogRe) II. Cabot
Ledge But it does not commend 1T
self as complete remedy. An old
m2tl is a generation affair, and
f New England is going to give State
aid to the encouragement of odd
maids, it may as we'll prepare either
to welcome amy sort old immigrants
mi go out of business about the year.
1000. We may be wrong, but it APP
pears to us that the only real and
slfficient remedy for an old maid is
for her to get married. This may
seem shocking to the refined sensi-
biities of the Boston spinsters- per-
haps they never thought of anything
so crude and common; perhaps mar
rlge is not good form in that sec
sicn. If so. we beg their pardon for
having mentioned the subject in the
presence of ladies. But here i'm Bal
timore and all through the South it
IS quite popular and seems to give
general satisfaction OF course, we
have some old maids here, but not
enough to constitute problem. =
And those that are here are never
or removed from the marriage line
and can get married any time they
choose. But 10000 New England spin
5ters is appalling. It is a problem
and q dSEger that only a Roosevelt
would dare tackle. and then he would
be likely to get badly scratched by
latpins hairpins and safeties.-Bal-
simcre Sun.