Arizona republican., 1909-11-27
GLOOM THAT IS PROFESSIONAL.
Publications for Undertakers Contain No Jokes

Publications for Undertakers Contain No Jokes.
 Publications for undertakers from cover to cover are as sad as d hu- morist at his own funeral.
 There are no jokes in the under takers journal. Subdued sorrow is in every line. and even the advertise ments suggest tears. Study the pages of the Casket for an hour and you will be in excellent condition to inn agine that you see things in the dark editorials and you will be afraid to go home alone.
 You may turn the pages slowly, looking for something cheerful, but you will be unable to find it. The innovation of the rosy girls picture as an advertising attraction has been hailed with joy by the vender of cor sets. shirt waists. stockings and femi- nine harness of various kinds, but the dealer in undertakers' supplies cannot avail himself of it.
 He may be man full of gladness but his advertisements must be sub dued and even sorrowful- Manufac- turers of caskets and burial robes cannot give to the trade the testimo- nials of those who have used their goods, and found them satisfactory. Nobody writes back to say that the robe was a perfect fit and that the casket was comfortable or to thank the maker of the hearse because it wSs such an easy riding vihicle.
 sl..-
 winning scheme in most lines of trade. but the undertaken knows that the people who use his goods do not come back to tell of the journey and perhaps he is glad they do not He is sure they cannot write to the grieving relatives that the robe charged at $50 was shoddy affair worth less than s1O. A dealer never inserts in an undertakers' journal a testimonial like the following:
 'I was let down into my present abiding place by the use of your lowering device and I write to assure you that it gave perfect satisfaction. There was nothing to mar the pro- ceedings from the time I started until I struck bed rock, landing as easily
 
 log"
 The undertaken would know at once that such a testimonial was spurious. This goes to show that the dealer in undertakers' goods is handicapped He cannot resort to the usual methods of attracting attention to himself and his wares. He is cut off from hu- morous illustrations and the repro duced photographs of customers as well as from testimonials.
 It would not avail the dealer to go out to the lonely graveyard. knock on the door of the silent tomb and say: Smith. Be a good fellow and write me testimonial. Lay it on thick about the plate glass windows of my 1910 model hearse. Say something about missing the jolt ct the old rock culvert. where you used to swear every time you went by. How about the lowering device? Notice how smooth it worked when we planted you? And say. Smith, don't forget to put in a word about the embalming fluid. Don't you think it's stronger than the whisky. you used to drink at lakes place? Take your time, and write me something stunning"
 No doubt the undertakers' journals are destined in time to acquire a much larger circulation than they now enjoy. simply because they are diff ferent. Contemplation of their mor- tuary contents may not be conducive to hilarity or even cheerfulness. but they hold the mystic power to drag ones thoughts away from the maga- zine with its 200 pages Of advertise ments of life insurance and stocking supporters. all blazoned to the world by means of the plump figure of the girl whose mother ought to he looking after her.--Chieago News.