davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1909-09-11

ing pointedly at his stubble, haven't you
forgotten to be shaved lately?"
Mr.. Jobson felt Of his stubble while an
expression of keen satisfaction crossed
his countenance (Which the five days
growth of beard made look like the coun-
tenance of some celebrated murdererl,
and said he:
Nope. l haven't forgotten anything.
No. nothing. / am not, as perhaps you
have reason to know, one of the for
getting kind"
Then he leaned back and waited for
what was to follow. Any man who
threatens to raise beard. or even tosses
out the inference that he intends to raise
one, knows perfectly we'll that a lot
things are going to follow when his "i1e
gets right down to the subject
inquired Mrs. Jobson, with mild curios-
ity. She knew better, but she wanted to
be sure.
Nope. Toughest little face twixt here
and sunset. Nary the tender Nothing
whatever Of that kind
There was a pause and Mr.. Jobson
leaned back some more, waiting.
perhaps, then" said Mrs. Jobson. "you
are going to get shaved but once a week
or so hereafter?"
Mr.. Jobson sat up straight then and
looked Mrs. Jobson straightly and bale
fully in the eye.
THAT, too he sad, IS one OF your
Enthusiastically bum guesses. One or
the punkiest little guesses. for that mat
ter. that I've heard framed In language
for quite a SPELL
well. them" said Mrs. Jobson. and
there was a certain hoarseness in her
tone, lam / to understand that you are
intending to raise a beard?'
Mr.. Jobson sought to impale her with
his gaze, but he was little wobbly at
the stunt at that: because every man
about TO raise a beard feels bit shaky
and hangdog about 1t at home. However,
Mr.. Jobson went through with 1t.
That, madam" he said, lis guess
that does credit to both your cad and
cart. It indicates the marvellous growth
of your intelligence under proper tute-
lage. Because, in saying that you under
stand that mediate raising a beard, you
sure do betray the possession OF an un-
derstanding that almost approximates the
human. Your understanding as to this
particular matter is strictly and entirely
keerect. You have. by some inscrutable
Evening star., 1909-09-11

process OF divination. hit the spike right
smack-dab on top of the head. l AN
going to raise a beard. | am going to
raise BEARD. AS simple matter OF
raising a beard
Then Mr. Jobson sor. o. braced him
self in his chair like one who gets ready
to assume the defensive
We'll" said Mrs Jobson "all can say
is that you're making a very foolish mis-
take: that is. if you have any idea OF
looking decent"
This was exactly what Mr.. Jobson
wanted. He ached for fighting ground.
Mistake. hey? And decent. eh?" said
he, in his best rasping tone. We'll. lem
me tell you something, little wan. Let
me, in fact, tell you some two or three
and exclusive proprietor of whatever cap
Hilary or hirsute appendages | happen to
be possessed of. You won't have to wear
the beard. The mistake won't be yours:
And you won't have to bear the brunt OF
whatever indecency hinges to the beard.
either. I'll assume responsibility for the
indecency end of it,
X
"Oh, l didn't mean decent or Indecent
in that sense" put in Mrs. Jobson, but
you, above all men. will look so perfectly
horrible, SO outlandish. so-er-oh, ut
terly dreadful. with a beard. that l
should thlnk you d
Above all men. hey?" Clipped in Mr..
Jobson. Wait minute. Let's pick
these things to pieces as they spin
along. Why pray. my good woman. do
you have the temerity to tell me that
1, above all men, am going to look SO
DANCED outrageous with beard?
What's the matter with me compare
with other men? What's your idea in
handing IL out to me. in SO many words.
thar I'm nothing but joke compared
with other men? What's your notion
in
"Oh, ANY man." quickly thrust in
Mrs. Jobson, looks perfectly vile with
a beard / don't care who it is. man
looks baboonish and untidy and mon
keyfied and cave -dwellerish and just
perfectly awful with a beard on his
face. / don't care if it's the president
of a university or whoever he is, he's
simply bound to
"Ih-huh." raped in Mr.. Jobson. "uh
huh. You can tin the rest of that
spooch and put 1t away for future ref
erence 1t doesn't interest or entertain
me a cents worth. And you could
spoochify along that line from now un-
til Peary gets back with his little tale
Of woe and 1t wouldn't make particle
of difference to me. AS / have told
you, in response to your nagging and
barking at me, l am going to raise
beard; have, in fact, already got
pretty good start on the beard-raising
thing. 1t only remains for you to ac-
cept that fact just as II II weren't any
OF your business whatever. and to
Evening star., 1909-09-11
UncompIimentary.

LARRY PAYNE WHITNEY. the noted
polo player, discussed at a dinner In
Newport an eccentric groom.
He is a good chap. for all his &C.
centricity." said Mr.. Whitney. He
testified once In a horse-trade case, and
called down a cross-examining lawyer
neatly.
1.-The lawyer. a hideously ugly man.
cross-examined my groom like this:
Now, be careful Does he shy, or
does he notY
"'He does SIR
He does. eh? And what does he sbv
at?
AT lots of things. sir
AT lots OF things That is no answer
at nc shy
Well he'd shy at you. sir said tAs
Evening star., 1909-09-11

r HE particular Newspaper Parsonage I
have in mind was not disturbed. not
excited not sent up in the air by the
news that Cook had discovered the north
pole. Fact is, 'twould take bigger news
than that-though 'tis hard to ina gine
what 1t could be-to do any one or all Of
these things. He could emerge from an
earthquake with the inevitable cigarette
between his lips and inquire casually.
without so much as a glance around. as
to the possibility of getting the story OF
the big shake in the first edition. He
could be run over by an automobile and
raise on his elbow long enough to note
the number of the offending machine be-
fore 1t became obscured by dust and dis
tance. He could fall heir to the Rookie
feller. Gates. Morgan and Rothschild for
tunes at 1920 pm. and at half-past send
out for a ham sandwich and a glass OF
milk. In fact, he is that most remarkable
of beings. a man of absolute self-control
and perfect pofse.
But to get back to the north. pole.
Things were going on just about as usual
in this particular newspaper Office on the
notable day In question, when suddenly
the telegraph editor, who had just picked
up piece of "flimsy.' bounced out OF
his chair. gave a couple of blasts on his
profanity safety valve and hiked across
the room to where the Parsonage was
glancing over the papers.
to that effect; ''Dr. Cook has done gone
and discovered the north pole!" And he
extended the fiimsy bulletin to the Per-
sonage in an agitated hand.
The Parsonage took the bulletin, glanced
at 1t casually and handed it back
Evening star., 1909-09-11

gins to trickle at the wicks, and this
makes her man tired.
law. whatcha blubberin' about? he
asks her.
She goes on dribbling into her wadded-
up wipe as the films unreel. showing the
rum-busted home and the kids piddling
around the attic In rags and tatters. and
her stewed man gets sorer and sorer over
her weeps. It'd be all right II he were
alone. Maybe the rum pictures d get
him II he were by himself and hand him
a think or two. But with the little woman
at his side, dropping those scalders into
her handkerchief. why. he gets lumpy
around the collar band and takes the
souse films as a kind of q reflection on
himself and his bun.
law, can that boohooln' number,
won'tchuh?' he says to his wife, who 8
dabbing away at her wicks. but when
Evening star., 1909-09-11

bound to make you look perfectly hor-
rible-that already, in fact, makes you
a perfect sight? You know very vel
that yOu-
Il think 1 urged you a moment or 90
ago." chucked in Mr.. Jobson, Ito cancel
or postpone that particular line of con-
versation. or advised you to tell 1t to
Sweeney, or something of that sort.
now make 1t a little stronger than urg-
ing. and direct you. madam. to cut that
kind of talk out around here If you ex-
pect to get along with me in peace and
amity. AS a simple matter of fact. t
is strictly and distinctly and decidedly
none of your affair on earth WHY l
am raising a beard But. since you
indicate an intrusive desire to know
why l am raising a beard, I'll just troi
out a reason or two. enough, l nope, TO
hold you in your seat with clvl'
tongue in your head for about four
minutes or so. l am raising beard.
madam, firstly and primarily, because
WANT TO.
1t suits ami pleases me and falls In
with my mood and humor to raise a
beard, therefore I'm raising one. How
ever. l am melted to this purpose mainly
by the consideration that l am weary
of BARRIERS. l no longer extract amuse-
ment. madam, at my time of life. In
hanging around a bay-rummy- smelling
quarters of an hour every day or so, walt
ing for the tonsorial ginks to get through
talking with fellows who have beat me
to the BARRIERS chairs about what swell
team we're going to have next year and
wasn't that guy Cook a nifty 'un to go
right out and cop the pole 'thout sayin' a
word to no one-and all like that. And
I'm tired. madam, of having the afore-
said barberial persons thrusting lather
composed exclusively of animal fats into
my facial orifice, and of having them
sticking their more or less doubtful
thumbs and fingers into the same aper-
ture. and of stopping a lot OF patchouli-
smelling toilet water all over my counte-
nance after they've got through scraping
away with razors that wouldn't cut hot
butter, and of having em ask me wheth-
er I think rents are going up In Washing
tariff law. and II 1t isn't joke the way
the Taft gang have put the Marine Band
concerts million miles away from where
anybody that hasn't got a gas-gig can go
hear 'enl. and all like that. Tired. madam
of barber shops and BARRIERS that's ALL
Therefore. l am raising a beard, and
am going to continue to raise beard and
l don't care a hang il 1t hangs down be-
low my waist line before the crocuses
begin to pop. it's going to stick, and
there isn't going to be any criticism of
1t, either. Now, you can gimme some o.
that Rest Myself lotion and permit me to
read my paper in peace for about two
and a half seconds in consecutivity, IL
you please"
Evening star., 1909-09-11

bread thiefs pals handed him rope
down the we'll and the prisoner scrambled
out.
well. 1t was purity near time some
o. de gang got wise N done sumpin
f'r dat poor piece O. cheese" the newsie
upstairs commented. still thinking he was
saying it under his breath, and of course
there was a laugh.
Another film that was unspooled here
a while back showed a big snake-python
or something like that-creeping up on a
sleeping hunting dog. / don't know
whether the film was on the level or not.
but it looked like II was. The snake
edged closer and closer. and still the
dog slept on. not even blinking: Just
before the snake grabbed the dog-the
film was shut off before the grab was
made-a kid standing at the back turned
to the other ISLANDERS with a look of dis
gust on his map.
"'Tsay. IL I had a mutt like dat. dat
didn't know he was alive, I'd kick Ills
teet' out and that relieved the tension
caused by the unpleasant film and pulled
the needed laugh.
Evening star., 1909-09-11

sobbings and snuffiings could be plainly
heard everywhere in the moving pic
ture theater. The film on view was one
of the mellerdramatic kind. showing how
a perpetually soused father threw his
crippled che-ild. a little boy-who worked
in a glass factory-out into the snow be-
cause the boy wouldn't slip him-the
father-all of his wages for booze. The
young woman at the piano plugged along
the sa-adness Of 1t by playing throbby
chords with the soft pedal on.
This isn't anything at ALL went on the
usher. Sometimes they boohoo and bel
Evening star., 1909-09-11

FTER Mr.. Jobson
had gone without
a shave for five
days Mrs. Jobson
mentioned 1t to
him. He looked so
much like Nat
Wills, the vaude-
william tramp, that
she couldn't hep
il.
MY dear. sne
said to him, peer
Evening star., 1909-09-11

Its about time somebody did" said
he And that was all.
Then some more days elapsed. and
again the telegraph editor. who had just
picked up another piece Of ''fiimsy.'
bounced out of his chair. This time he
w4hooped with surprise, swore busily for
few minutes and then galioped across
the room to where the Parsonage sat on
his shoulder blades. with his feet grace
fully hooked over the chandelier, reading
the papers as before
..Holy Jumping Mosesr' yelled he. or
again words to that effect: "Peary's done
gone and discovered the pole. too"'
The Parsonage took the bulletin. glanced
at ii casually and handed II back.
..I'mmpv' said he: IT see they are hold
ing a convention up there"
And that was all. It's a great thing to
have a man like that around. He sits on
within hearing distance from going up in
the air.
- OLF pool is the latest thing. Intro
" duced in the National Capital only a
few weeks ago. 1t is already popular and
promises to be the real thing in the way
Of a craze before very long. AS its name
would suggest. 1t is like golf and yet is
played on a pool table And at this COM
parison just listen to the pool sharks
snort and the golfers howl.
Positively, though. it is the silliest sort
of an experience to pause at the door of
a billiard room where the game Is going
on and. out of sight. but within hearing.
listen to the line Of conversation that is
going around. 1 did this very thing at
the Press Club few days ago, before |
had even heard of the game. and it nearly
gave me the willies. I thought that
nr ~
gone plumb crazy.
Bully drive" said a voice. Right on
q line. Look out. though. or you'll get in
the high. Oh-h-h! Poor approach And
Evening star., 1909-09-11

OW that the north
pole has been
found, what are We
going to do with It?
1t Is easy to see,
by looking over the
papers of late. that
some eminent sci
entihc gentlemen
have been asking
this same question,
so that 1t can't be
so much out OF
Evening star., 1909-09-11

EW YORK Is Cook
mad and Peary-
mad. It's just as
c o o * m a q and
Peary-mad now as
II was Dewey-mad
when the hero of
Manila got back
here. Cook and
Peary will be given
a regular Dewey
of a time when
they hit this beach
Evening star., 1909-09-11

YE get t h o 3 e
weeps?'' said the
usher at the NOV
ing picture show.
The "weeps" were
audible e o u g h.
They weren't bois-
ferrous "weeps," be-
ing muf1ed by wad-
ded-up handker-
chiefs. But the
chokings and gasp
ings and throttled
Evening star., 1909-09-11

That settled it for the time. of course.
Mrs Jobson didn't say any more about it
then. Mr. Jobson's friends. however said
a lot to him about 1t, some of them
saying their kidding says when Mrs. Job
SON was around to hear. But she only
led and pretended to look Indifferent.
Evening star., 1909-09-11

But" put In Mrs. Jobson, what i'll
the wide world Is your idea in letting
something grow on your face that -
Evening star., 1909-09-11

Special Correspondence Of The Star.
NEW YORK, september 10, 1909.
Evening star., 1909-09-11

him to have the pole discovered while he
remove our lids, press the perfumed ker-
chief to the dripping eye and weep for
him and his bologna balanced ship. the
Never Fail"
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
BEST GRAND LODGE
MEETING is COMING
Such Is Declaration of A. j.
Davis, Just Back From
Detroit.

'Detrolt will have the largest grand
lodge meeting in the history of Elk.
dom or / will miss my guess declared
4. j. Davis, president of the city coun'
ell and grand esquire of the EIks, who
returned Thursday from the Michigan
metropolis. where he has been for the
past two weeks in company with other
grand lodge officers arranging for the
big meeting that will run from July ii
TO is.
"Utah Will send delegation of 500. -
said Mr.. Davis last night, and Denver
viii send a like number. The hotel
facilities in Detroit are excellent and
rs the city is so centrally located. l
look for a record breaking crowd
81 was somewhat surprised to note
the interest that is being taken in Salt
Lake by eastern people. | answered
hundreds Of questions in regard To our
population. business conditions and the
like, but found that the fasteners arc
quite we'll Informed ns TO conditions
here, and arc rapidly realizing that Salt
Lake IS a real city.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
PLEASING PROGRAMME
BY THE 0RPHEUS CLUB
Entertainment at the First
Methodist Church Highly
Enjoyable.

An excellent programme WAS rendered
AZ tho first OF the season 5 concerts by
tho Orphcus club at the First Meth
odiSt church Thursday evening. The
club was assisted by VIII Sibley, tenor;
Mrs. Strohauor. organist; Mrs Walter
g. TuttIe, harpist, Mrs. Sitter, soprano
and Della Crane, vloiinist. There was
I'm excellent attendance and The
numbers were enthusiastically applaud
cd One of the hits of the evening
was the rendition by Will Sibley OF
an Irish love song composed by \. II.
Peabody. conductor of the Orpheus
club
The club sang southern melodies:
"Slccp My-Ladv.' . Ashes of Roses,
"Thc Night Has a Thousand Eyes,
" Ny Lady Chloe and 1.-The Song Of
the VIKING
Mr.. Sibey sang .'The Hills of skye
"Du Bist Vie Elmo Blumc, '.Sho is
So Fair by Kate Douglas Wi%gin,
and - Irish Love Song by y. ii. Pea
BODY.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
LADIES' AUXILIARY
IN SOCIAL GATHERING
Members, With Their Husbands,
Meet and Enjoy Delightful
Evening.

More than fifty members of the
Ladies auxiliary OF the American
party, with their husbands, were de
lightfuliy entertained Thursday evening
by Mrs. Willard Y. Snyder at her beau.
tiful home on East Second South street
The evening was spent at 900, aud
music was furnished by Mrs. Harry
Robinson and Ray Wiley. Mrs. Sny-
der's home was appropriately decor
atcd with American flags aud flowers.
Punch was served To all the guests
and cigars TO the gentlemen. After
the card playing Mrs. Snyder served an
Internal but dainty dinner, She was as.
sisted by Mrs. Olive Havens, Mrs. J. II
Witbeck, Mrs. A. J. Choron, Mrs LYDIA
Landmesser and Mrs H. Warren Smith
The score cards were a pretty feature
of the affair. They were printed on
cnamelcd card, and on the face was
engraved in colors the spanglcd
banner. The affair was most delight.
ful one, being one of the best of its
kind ever held in connection with the
auxiliary. which has a reputation fol
its good cheer.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
Street CAR MEN TO
HOLD AN ELECTION
Ballots to Be Cast i'm Business
Office of The Tribune
Today.

Members of the Amalgamatcd A53o-
citation of Street and Electric Railway
EMPLOYEES Of America, Division No. 3s2.
will hold their annual election OF of
fiters Friday. Ballots Will be cast in
the business office of The Tribune and
the polls will remain open from a. i'll
10 p. M. Thcrc is unusual interest i'll
tho clcc tion and it is expected that u
heavy vote viii be cast. Below Is II
list Of the candidates:
President, i. H. Lamont, ". IS. Ran
dali; first vice president, George w
Vowlcs. T. {. KcIb, second vice.preSl'
dent, \ T. Nelson; third vice'presldent
4 lima Raleigh. David Reed, y. d. Muir
phy; secretary and business agent. n
II. Burt, A. H. kempton, Joseph Wilkin
son; treasurer William r. Taylor, A.
p. Nelson; correspondent, Robert Stir
rat. w. II Binck, j. &. NcZc; conduct
ors (2), !. Il. Kcrner. W, l.. Coleman
W. NJ. Eldrcdge; wardeDs (2), Il
Smith. O, G. Hansen, l.. Porter, Ray
Culver, +. V. Croppcr; senhnels CO.
j T. league, Sam Roberts, Joseph
Gluck. c. NJ. lIixson; executive commit
tee. 4. P Nelson, W. E. Randall, vii
liam Cooking. y. d. Mccarthy, II
Smith, III. w, Schutter, Robert Stirrat
The local union has about 800 active
members
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
WOMEN Of WOODcRAFT
HOLD CHARITY BALL
Big Success Is Scored by Affair
in ]. o. G.. F.
Hall.

For sweet charity's sake n score OF
the members OF the Busy Bee Sewing
club OF Woodbinc circle No, IL, Women
uf Woodcraft. made themselves useful at
the annual Christmas bazar of the organ
izalion which was held Thursday even
ing i'm the banquet hall OF The !. o O. T..
temple on Market street The place was
prcttily decorated appropriate TO the
merry Christmas season. and together
with the nice appearance OF the various
booths made handsome sight.
The doll booth was in charge OF Mrs,
Attic Keller and Mrs. Jennie IIedman,
while Mrs, Bertha l3crhcart took care OF
the rafting booth. where doll and q
Quilt and other such articles wore ratified
of The apron booth WAS under the di-
rection OF Mrs Lydia Smithen, and the
dish booth under the direction OF Mrs.
o. johnson. Refreshments were sold
during the evening at reasonable prices
The proceeds from the affair, which
totalcd a neat little sum, will he used
by the club for a charity fund to make
merry the Christmas OF some of it's mem
bcrs. The affair scored biS success.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
VETERAN Of MARCH
TO SEA IS DEAD
Senility and Accident Shock
Cause Death of General
Suffer, at Age of 81.
WAS WITH GRANT IN
SIEGE OF IICkSBURG
Suffers Broken Hip When
Horse Is Shot From Under
Him i'm Sea March.

Maj,-Gco. Walter T., Suitcr. veteran
of the Civil war. who served under
Gen. Grant during the siege of NicliS.
burg. aud who also accompanied Gen.
William Tccumsch Sherman on his ia.
nous march TO the sea. died in This
city Thursday at the age of 81 years,
Death resulted from senile decay and
shock resulting from an accident last
Tuesday. when Gen. Suter fell on an
icy pavement and fractured his hip.
Gen. Suiter enlisted with the Ninety
fifth Illinois volunteers in 1862. aud
served throughout the war, taking part
III many severe engagements lie was
promoted for bravery. and mt Atlanta.
when serving under Gen. Sherman, suf-
fcred broken hip, when his horse
was shot from under him.
Gen. Sultcr was born at Hcrkimcr,
\. Y, in 1918. At an carly age
he came west with his fnmily and
settled at La Crosse. Wis. At the con.
clusiou of the war of the Rebellion he
was granted an honorable discharge,
and devoted his time To the practice of
medicine and surgery. He came TO
Salt Lake about six years ago, and has
since resided at 100 North West Temple
street.
Gen. Suitcr is survived by widow,
Mrs. Nancy +. Suffer; two daughters,
Miss Electa B. Suitcr and Mrs W, j.
BaIrettc. 1863 East Second South, and
a son, DR., +. G. Suiter, who resides in
La Crosse, Wis, Two years ago Gen.
Suitcr was presented with a loving cup
by the members Of Mexican post No. ],
g. a. r.. of which he was n member,
for being the oldest veteran IN Utah.
Funeral arrangements Will be an
nounccd later.
The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1909-12-17
NEGRO "MASHER" IS
LANDED IN JAIL
Clarence Hale, "a, Is Arrested
by Detective Wheeling
Thursday.

Clarence Hale, - years of age, tall
llght.colored negro. was arrested Thurs
day afternoon by Detective Wheeling
and locked up at police Headquarters.
He will he charged with assault when
arraiened III police court this after
noon.
For some time Chief Barlow has re.
celvcd complaints TO Inc effect that d
man answering the description Of Hale
has been making himself more than or
dIparlly obnoxious TO women and chill
dren in the vicinity of Fourth East
street between Third and Fourth South
streets, about G street and in other To-
cahties of the city. According TO the
complaints. thc man has been sfoDpinr
women and either making vile remarks
10 Them or catching them by the arm
ana endeaVorlng 10 embrace them.
Inc complaints had been coming in
SO last that Chef Barlow detailed soy
eral OF his plain clothes men 10 watch
for the offender. When Dciectiyr
Wheeling captured Hale. the prisoner
stoutly denied having committed the of
reuse alleged, but he was locked up
on suspicion. He claimed To have been
III the city about week. but admitted
that he was not employed His de.
scr!piIon so closely fts that gwen the
police that an effort viii he made this
morning TO have him identified