Semi-weekly herald., 1909-02-08

black.
Corporal Tom--All right, Colonel
But hate TO be called vile names by
every one In the town.
We didn't get $4,000, but we got
something. Do you think we would
have switched without the 'influenc
ing medium"
Colonel David Fitem Night-Tom,
I'm going to raise your salary. 1t
did my heart good to hear you stick
up for the Muck Rake's policy of ad
yertising catalogue houses. The next
merchant who calls to protest against
our policy show him the door He
dare not stop advertising because he
knows our power.
Corporal Tom-You can always de
pend on my making good when II
comes to running bluffs. We've got
most every one whipped In line.
Barry. the Barrister-I want to take
this means of informing members of
the X. 7. club that since our last
meeting decided that the best policy
was for our organ to make no refer
ence to the rebating of taxes. Re.
ferring to the tax rebate is like pok.
Ing skunk. the more you poke the
worse II stinks.
Member X. T. Club-Barry, your or.
gan seems to have laid down on the
tax rebating business The editor of
the opposition paper that exposed our
society has not been called .peon,"
liar" or any other pet names by
David, the self-righteous. for several
days. Have you lost control?
Barry. the Barrister-You see it's
this way-listen. Col. Night boasts
about his war record and chivalry.
Now, cbivilrous soldier never uses
barroom language, and when the col.
oneps attention was called to this he
Immediately gave orders to the office
devil to cut out all such references to
the editor of the opposition sheet
You see Col. Night is proud of his
war record, although no one appears
to know anything about It but him
self. But he never makes a mistake
and, as he says he's got a record
guess 1t must be so. I would like to
have some one on the outside back
II up, however. True, when the Col
onel visits Balseys too often he for
gets what he writes and this accounts
for the numerous kinds of flags float
ing around the Muck Rake office.
Corporal Tom-Colonel, a woman
was in the office this morning who
said your advice to patronize out
side concerns cost her dearly. 1t
seems she gave an order for gro
ceries to the Cooperative Mercan-
tile company or the Mercantile Co
Roberative company of Denver or
some other place This order came
all right and she followed 1t up with
another She says the bill amounted
to $18 but the bill was about the only
thing she received, the goods being
short over twothirds. II appears the
agent had her sign an agreement
before shipping the goods that they
were at her risk and all his company
had to do was to turn the goods over
to the railroad people. When the
woman made demands for the balance
OF the goods she was tersely informed
to seek relief from the railroad com
pany.
Col Night-Well, what has that got
to do with me?
Tom-Only this. She said she had
read In the Muck Rake where the To-
cal merchants didn't advertise and
were robbing the people and advised
sending to catalogue and outside con.
Germs for supplies. Now she says she
is out S12. besides costs as she was
sued and had to pay. She ordered
the Muck Rake stopped and among
other things said she would like tc
see you roasting in hades.
Col. Nigbt-Tom, you are not hired
to tell me about the complaints o
people but rather to tell about m,
wonderful ability. When you haven
fanything good to say you can keel
still. That's all keep you for--tl
pacify those whom the Muck Rake Dc
csivss.