davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

sometimes think that only men
with lop-sided brains love to live in
the city. God never made a city-he
made E garden. City life Is largely
the u OF the general nervous
breakdown OF the race. This is an
age OF nerves. and the city Is respon-
sible forsit. My ideal is a life that
has the freshness and freedom of the
country. and yet is within easy access
Of the town. where men can 20 and
transact business. In my business,
that OF making verse. I need the
peace OF the country. which IL the
peace OF God But ! like to come In
TO contact with men. and so I 20 TO
town. | think the city Of the future
will not be crowded by city dwellers
We are coming to know too much
for thar. But for the present, man.
kind is still lopsided.-Edwin Mark.
ham.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
IN CONSTANT FLOW
SAMOAN VOLCANO PouRs LAVA
INTO OCEAN.
Only -Four Years Old, But u 10 Easily
the Titan Of Them Aii-New
Coast Line 10 Being
Created.

In the island Of Savail. In the So
moan group. during an August night
In the year 1905 there arose from the
midst OF a peaceful cocoa plantation
a volcano that In four years OF Its
still eeaseless activity has sent forth
more molten lava than has any vol
cano OF which there is record.
To-day this flow OF lava. In some
places 700 feet In depth. Is filling up
the sea along a frontage OF more than
seven miles. has destroyed about 30
villages and as many square miles of
what was once the most productive
area In all Samoa. From Apia, about
SO miles away on the island Of Upolo.
II Is sometimes possible TO read at
night by the glare OF the Savaiian vol
cano. whose twin pillars OF vapor BY
day become columns OF red.
Above the ever seething lake OF fire
within the crater hangs a great GRIM
son cloud. while eight miles distant
from the volcanic zone appears a less
or cloud. sometimes divided into many
I toiIlihH VI 1HHaithN Nv wv
the steam arising from the sea. col
ored by the red glowing lava that
pours a Niagara of nre over the ellis
that the ceaseless torrent Of molten
rock builds higher and higher every
day. The ocean steamers touching at
Apia pass within close hailing dis
lance OF this dramatic spectacle.
Scientists who have seen the most
recent flow say that every minute
300. 900 tons OF lava flow owe the
lower rim OF the crater: and this not
resembling In any way the other la
va. but like molten iron spreads over
the old field and beyond until at the
sea there Is a Niagara OF fire full ten
miles In width. As this molten lava
falls into the ocean. says Harper's
Weekly. IL turns to a fine black sand
and sinks. and so a new coast line Is
being built up in water 900 to 400
feet deep.
This moving molten lake advances
at the rate OF -four miles an hour. As
II pours Itself into the sea columns
Of water are raised In steam to meal
culable heights. and this. descending
In a fine rain Of brine. destroys vege-
tation and corrodes the galvanized
iron ~roohngs Of churches and trading
stations for miles around.
As the torrents OF boiling lava
break against the basalt cliffs or hum.
mocks left by the old flow cliffs are
melted by the heat. hummocks disin.
tegrated and carried forward by the
flow to be hurled into the sea. where
they explode like Titanic bombs, and
this is taking place every moment
along an ever widening sea front OF
ten miles at least. For more than n
mile out in the ocean the water boils.
and from the crater still flows a
steady stream OF lava greater. II is
said. than man has ever seen in the
past issue from any volcano OF which
there is record.
Never once since that night four
years ago. when this volcano was
born in a peaceful valley. has 1t re-
manned for a moment quiescent
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

Vegetable Compound has done for
during this trying period. Comsi..'
restoration to health means "a -
to me that for the sake of other srs.a
ing women l Am willing to MAKE =,
trouble public SO you may pubrl
this letter. "-MRs. CHAs. BAPcrr
RID, Graniteville, VT.
No other medicine for woman. N.
has received such widespread and.
qualified endorsement. No othern.j
icine we know Of has such a rer.s
Of cures of female ills as has LydiaI
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
For more than 80 years It has bs-
curing female complaints such .
Inflammation, liberation. local Es,s
nesses, fibroid tumors, irreguisus.
periodic pains, backache, indigessss
and nervous p~rostration, and Il !
unequalled for carrying women sa,.,
through the period of change Of M
1t costs but little to try lydia Z
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. al
as Mrs. Barclaysays.it is "worth nor,
tains Of gold TO suffering women
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Wedding Zee in InstaIments.

Some of the squires in rustic New
Jersey e to be pretty hard pushed
for cash. To get the cash they do not
hesitate to use most unusual methods.
One OF these J. P's advertised the
other day that he was ready and will
ing to marry couples at any time. day
or night. for a consideration OF s. and
that he was willing to accept 81 in
cash down and the rest in weekly in
stallments of 81 until the fee Of s.
was paid up. The very night after the
first appearance of this advertisement
the ]. p. referred to was called upon
to make good his BLUM. Shortly after
midnight a couple which had come in
an automobile awakened him from his
sleep and asked to be married under
the installment plan offered in the
advertisement. And the ]. p. was
game and made good.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
LIkEnED HERSELF TO ELIJAH
Somewhat Peculiar Liqht In Which
Pious Old Lady Regarded Cats
Act OF Theft.

A reporter. during the Dayton cels
brations. condemned the numerous
pilferers OF Wright aeronautical ideas
They pilfer so smugly. too. the
reporter said. They pretend hat the
ideas they steal were born In their
own brains years ago. Strange.
though. isn't II. that you alone pat.
ented these ideas and put them TO
practical useg"
orvilie Wright smiled and an
swered:
They have indeed a righteous air.
these pilferers. They actually believe.
! am sure. that they have Just claim
TO the Ideas they ilch. They remind
me Of old Mrs. Harrington.
a neighOor OF old Mrs. Harrlng
tons killed a fine pig one day. He
cut II up and hung the pieces In hts
woodshcd. Mrs. Harrington's cat
climbed into the shed that night
stole a large pork chop and carried IL
home to her mistress.
The minister happened to call on
the old lady the next day She vas
Just frying the chop. She told the
minister how miracul0usiy IL had been
brought to her by the cat.
And oh. sir. she said. %piousIy. u
was most beautiful to see the way the
sweet animal brought me the pork
chop. II quite recalled 20 my mind
what we read In holy writ about
Elijah and the ravens Chicago
Journal.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

Edward. having been refused IN
other baked potato on the simple but
convincing ground that there were
nc more. according to the New York
Sun. made some uncomplimentary re-
mark about the insuficiency OF his
dinner. This isn't dinner corrected
the aunt whom he was visiting. This
is luncheon. You don't eat dinner in
the middle Of the day. You eat that
at night" The next day the aunt, be-
ing anxious to know II Edward had
assimilated his lesson Of the day be-
fore, said: Edward. can you tell
me now the difference between dinner
and luncheon?" You bet | can" said
Edward. very promptly. Lunch is
the meal where you don't get enough
to eat"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

This is the latest story in Atchison:
A young visiting man was declaring
that the theory is all nonsense about
kissing being dangerous on of
germs conveyed from one mouth 10
another. I've kissed hundreds of
siris,' he declared. and I'm not dead
yet"
promptly n of the listeners in.
quired: But what about the girls >,
Kansas City Journal.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
A Classic In Kentucky.

They have been telling this story
down In the Blue Grass so long that
the Louisville Courier-Journal says
IL Is regarded as a classic:
"Maiah." announced the colonel.
I'll bet I've sweat no less than IL
gallonsi"
Begging YOU pardon. kunnel." re-
turned the major. desisting from a
long libation. gentlemen don't sweat:
they p~erspire. Horses sweat"
Well. them returned the now ir.
ritated colonel. glazing at the calm
and contented critic OF his diction,
by CAD. sub. I'm a hossi"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
People Becoming Interested.

Evidence OF the popular interest In
the anti-consumption crusade is given
in a statement made by the National
Association for the Study and Proven
ton OF tuberculosis. to the effect that
during the rear ending August 81.
nearly 5000. 900 people have attended
tuberculosis exhibitions in various
parts OF the country. Besides the
three travelling tuberculosis exhibt
tons Of the national association. there
are rs exhibits OF this kind through
out the United States. Four years
age there were only three such dis
plays in the entire country.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
THREE REASONS
Each with Two Legs and Ten Fingers.

A Boston woman who is a fond
mother writes an amusing article
about her experience feeding her bows.
Among other things she says
Three chubby. rosy-cheeked boys.
Rob. Jack and Dick. aged s. 4 and 3
years respectively. are three Of our
reasons for using and recommending the
food. Grape-Nuts. for these youngsters
have been fed on Grape-Nuts since in.
fancy. and often between meals when
other children would have been given
candy.
Il gave a package OF Grape-Nuts to
. neighbor whose 3 year old chnd was
a weakened little thing. i'll half the
time. The little tot ate the Grape
Nuts and cream greedily and the moth.
er continued the good work. and IL
was not long before a truly wonderful
change manifested itself in the child's
q c and body. The results were re-
markable. even for Grape-Nuts.
Both husband and / use Grape
Nuts every day and keep strong and
well and have three OF the finest.
healthiest boys you "a find in a days
march"
Many mothers instead Of destroying
the children's stomachs with candy
and cake give the youngsters a hand
full Of Grape-Nuts when they are beg.
gfng for something in the way Of
sweets The result is soon shown In
greatly increased health. strength anc
mental activity.
There's q Reason"
Look in pkgs. for the famous Mite
book, The Road to MELVILLE"
Ever reaa the above letter. A new
0ae oDDenrs froa time to time. They
are UH1uanss tSue, ana fall 81 human
INTEREST
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
THE STORY.
THE rattle OF that chain,

THE rattle OF that chain,
! Would IL ever ehafe less upon
that tender soul?
1t did o seem as though he. the
proud Manassas. king OF Judah. could
ever become used TO the indiguity
Away on in that BabyIonian exile the
thing which cut deepest into his heart
was the consciousness that he bore
upon his arms and his legs the iron
shaekles OF Sennaeherih.
And because he could not hear IN
hear the clank. elank OF his chains
he made as few moves as possible
and always muffied the sound Of the
chain in the folds OF his robes.
"Fetters. when I should be holding
the scepter.' he exclaimed one day.
petulantly. He had come TO his "a.
vorite nook by the side OF one Of the
beautiful streams which flowed near
Babylon. His heart was still rebel.
lious. and he refused to harbor the
thought for an instant that he was To
blame and had brought his troubles
upon his own head. No, instead he
persisted in his efforts to Justify hi,
own conduct. II serving the gods az
the nations about had brought these
evils upon him how was IL that Sen.
nacherib had grown great and power.
full serving practically the same del
ties? he asked himself over and over
again.
But the man who argues has al
ready more than half admitted that
there Is a doubt in his heart as to the
course he has pursued. and SO 1t was
with Manassas. and as the days
heightened into weeks and the weeks
into months. there crept into his hear,
more and more the consciousness OF
the utter folly and wickedness Of his
course. and remorse filed his soul be.
cause OF his horrible sin In Offering up
his beautiful son upon the outstretch.
ed arms Of the god Moloch.
What hath he ever done for O ?"
came the query into his own heart
No, but he hath robbed you Of your
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
~
THE PENIrENr
Msnsssss 10 Restored 10
Jerusalem
BY TIE HIGHWAY AND BYWAY-
PREACHER

Scriptural Authority - Chron..
chapter % and Apocryphal Book OF
Manassas Prayer.
Manassas rray-r The repentance and
restoration ~ Manassas furnish the sub
iect % many legendary stories The
Greek text which IL the basis Of The
translation which constitutes the twelfth
npnk q the Aporrypha il undoubtedly
1riginai. and not a mere translation from
The Hebrew The writer was well ac-
1uainf~d With the Xxx. Hut beyond this
there Is nothing 10 determine the date at
which he lived The ~aliusion TO
tho patrarchs q. =. appears to NJ the
authorship on \ Jew but the clear teach
ma on repentance points 70 some time not
tong before the Christian era Their. IL
NJ Indication q the place At which the
prayer was written. The earliest refer
snce b The prayer r. contained In q
fragment 81 julius Africsnu. tcir 81 A
o. hut n may he doubted whether the
words In their original form clearly re-
ferr-i % tho present composition. Tbs
prayer wss never distinctly recognized
A. a c%arnnicai writing. though u was In
Guided IN many manuscripts % the Xxx
ard Of the Latin version. and has been
ie-~rv.diy retained among the Apoc-
rypha In authorized versions and by Luz
Their. The Latin translation which oc-
ours In Vulgate Manuscripts Is not by
the hand Of Jerome.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
He Was Well Eaulnned.

A Methodist bishop was recently a
guest al the home Of a friend who had
two charming daughters. One morn
ing the bishop. accompanied by the
two young ladies. ven u in the hope
OF catching some trout. An old fisher.
man.. out for the same purpose, wish.
ing to appear friendly. called out:
"ketchin' many. pard?"
The bishop, Strengthening himself
to his full height. replied: Brother,
am a fisher Of men"
You've got the right kind O. bait,
all right" was the fsherman's re.
toinder.-Success Magazine.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
sERMoNETTE.

The Ideal Of the penitent's
! prayer 10 found In the 5fst
} Psalm. credited to David. and
perhaps familiar TO the esiied
I king a. he sat InssckeIoth and
! ashes by the rivers Of Babylon
and prayed that no might be re-
J stored TO his jerusalem.
"Have mercy upon me. o God.
according to thy loving kind
ness: according unto the null
titude Of thy tender mereIes
blot out my trsnssressions.
wash me thoroughly from
mine Iniquisy. and cleanse me
from my sin.
"For ! acknowledge my trans
erosion: and my sin 10 ever
before me.
Against thee. thee only. have
sinned and done this evil In
thy sight: that thou mishtest
be justified when thou speakest.
~ my
pe"
wy "'
NC
o'o' unou oe'''es' "u'n
."e ""s'o p~'' sno IN 'ne
"'''en par, .nou 'ns'' MAKE me
~om.
'.s' nc WIN ny'soP'
"sm DC ~esn' WASH me-
"s. DC ~n''er 'nsn snow.
WAKE ne 10 near Joy ana
s .nH' me zones ~n'en
"oo na" o'oSen may rejoice
noe my race from my sins,
anu o'o. 'o' q" mime 'n'qu'''es'
'" me . cream nesrt'
200 ano rene" r'sht spirit
"',n'n me.
oss' ne nor away o thy
P'esenee' ano TAKE NOT thy holy
sp'rit from me-
unto me the Joy OF
wy ss'ss''on' ana uphold me
WIN 'ney ,ree spirit
men VIII tesen transsres-
so's my ~>ys' and sinners shall
De converted unto thee.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

-idine, weak, run
down to a mere
skeleton. My back
was SO bad | could
hardly walk and
the kidney secre-
o much disor-
dered. A week after
| began using
Doan's Kidney Pills
| could walk with
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

me World sprinkled 1000. 900 worth
OF pepper on its food. with
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Taperina Of.

Whereas. I. Kitty Cameron. have far
too many beaux. (They say that | en-
courage them. 1t really is not SOL
Whereas. To make life simple is
what ! most desire. for which just
concentration is all that | require:
Resolved. That I. instanter. before
IL is too late. agree hereby without
reserve strictly to concentrate-to
give up splitting waltzes and such al
Turing tricks. cut down my field OF la.
Dor and concentrate on six-New
York Sun
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

First Ward Politician-weu carry
our ticket.
Second Ditto-But you forget our
opponent is the reform candidate. and
be will get all the women's votes.
First W. P.-Won't be any won. e
votes to count.
Second Ditto-How do you know
they won't vote?
First w. P.-Because we have ar.
ranged with the stores to have big
bargain sales on election day.-Balti.
o American
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

Mike McGinnis was being examined
for jury duty in a murder tri..
Mr.. McGinnis," asked the Judge.
have you formed or expressed an
opinion as to the guilt or innocence
of the prisoner at the barr"
NO. sir" replied Mike.
Have you any contentious scru.
pies against capital punishment"
Not in this case. your honor" Mike
replied.-Success.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
TriNe Too

There's no use o. talkin'," said
Farmer Corntossel. as he sat down on
the horse trough. Il can't git along
with some o. these here summe
guests" What's the trouble?" Il
have tes been lectured by that good
lookin' young woman with glasses fur
spflin' the color scheme of the gar.
den by putin paris green on the veg.
etables."
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Measuring Brains.

The cephalic index OF old Athenians
was a wee. wee bit better than ours.
Cephalic index means -olume Of brain.
1t is found by filing a skull with peas
and then measuring them. Ancient
Athenians have a few peas on us. The
Greeks never lusted bloodshed like
the Romans and some OF US moderns
New York Post.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

True faith in God such as will al
ways help. grows out OF knowing his
character. II is built on the three
words. God is love-" and thus It is .
heart-faith. or love-faith. 1t is q faith
that God will ever do what is in
accordance with love, and nothing
contrary to it. 1t is a faith
hat as God is love. so he will be to-
wards you everything that love can
mean-pitiful. sympathetic and help
full. In return It trusts and does o
worry. no matter what the circum.
stances are.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Unfortunately SounIed.

Alison tells how during Napoleon's
Egyptian campaign no sooner were
the Mamelukes observed at a dis.
than the word was given:
From square: artillery to the an.
giles; asses and savan to the center"
The command afforded no little merri.
ment to the soldiers even at such an
exciting moment. and made them call
the asses d~emisavans.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
WORTH
OF GOLD
During Change of Liz
says Mrs. Chas. Barcl,,
Graniteville, VT was
through the Changed Life and ipsssNaI

from Nervous.
andother annoSss
symptoms, anil
can truly say A..
LydiaE.Pinkha%-
vegetable Co.
pound has pro,s
worth Mounts
of gold to me. az
restored my heals
and strength i
never forget to,s
my friends rs
IvIfoE n.-t.%
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
49,
foraDioe

Why lspend . dollae WHEN l0c buys Q b
OF CASCARETS sf sny drug storea us
= oarected-fet the natural, easy ressE
Ssves many dollars sssssd on med 10
nat % NOT cure. MilEoas regularly -
CASCARETS. Buy Q boz now-M
weeks treafmeae-peoof in the mon
SAScARRrs roc Q bog for q weeks
treatment, all druggists Biggest seller
N The world AiIiioa boxes Q month
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

The wife addressed her husband
plaintively-John William, You are
taking salmon again. and you know
that you mus never take anything
which does o agree with you.
John William smiled sadly wish
! never had. my dear: but where
would you have beeng-Stray Stories.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Appropriate Terms

Are Jake's rates for his aeronl,r.
high?" 'opiane
You bet Sky high"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
True NohIsness Of Liz

The nobleness OF life depends on
its consistency-clearness of purpose
quiet and c~easeless. energy. All
doubt. and repenting. and blotching,
and retouching. and wondering what
1t will be best to do next, are vice as
well as misery.-John Ruskin.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Their Anrronriate place

What is this institution"
One where all the next-to-nature's-
heart faddists ought to GO"
why SOL
Because IL Is a home for the feeble
minded. where all the inmates lead
the real simple life
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

An eminent lawyer was once cross.
examining a very clever woman. moth.
er OF the plaintiff In a breachof-prom
Use action. and was completely worst.
ed In the encounter of wits. At the
close. however. he turned to the Jury
and exclaimed:
You saw. gentlemen. that even |
was but a child in her hands. wha,
may my client have been?"
by this adroit stroke OF advocacy
be turned his failure into a success
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

II laughter is good for the .bodil,
well being 1t is equally good for men.
tai health. We are beginning to real
lie this. Anxiety. fear, worry are
deadly enemies to the mind. Fgh,
against them and against every IN.
Thence that tends toward mental de
preston as you would fight against ,
temptation to dishonesty.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Within Her Means

A pretty little girl of three years
was IL a drug store with her mother
Beng attracted by something in the
showcase, she asked what 1t was. The
clerk replied; That is a scent bag"
HOW cheap" replied the little girl.
III take two,"-Lippincott's Maya.
zine. "e"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

Why have We no great geniuses
writing books today"
Well. the great geniuses are busy
writing the book advertisements"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
No Rest There.

Uncle Eben-lf We ever visit New
York and git tired walkin' around IN
city. don't ye go into tn stock ex
change to rest,
Aunt Martha-Why not?
Uncle Eben-Gracious sakes, theirs
they charge $4,000 for a seati-
Judge.
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
The Prospect.

Il am sorry that there Ia a craze for
these ~aeroplane flights"
why so7'
Because the lovers who want to
take them will be more in the clouds
than ever"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26
Looking Unto Jesus.

1t Is not without significance that
the writer to the Hebrews associates
looking unto Jesus" with the condi-
tons OF prize winning in the Chris
tian race. The word translated look
ing has deep emotion in it. 1t sug-
gests the elements of surprise and
rapture. the kind of looking which car
rtes one away and renders one in
sensible to all other objects of attrac.
ton. By this kind of looking one has
no concern for witnesses" or
weights" or even the "b~esettiug sin /"
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

You have a captain and a mate on
that boat of yours, don't your"
Sure thing"
why is that?"
4 can't manage her. alone"
That why you call the boat .sha
I suppose!" "'
Oxford eagle. (Oxford, Lafayette Co., Miss.) 1876-current, 1909-08-26

she-So many men nowadays mar
~ for money. You wouldn't marry
me for money. would you. dearest?
He tabsently)-No. darling.
wouldn't marry you for all the money
n the world.
She-oh. you horrid. horrid wretch,