davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18


but just happen to need them. You
can't sell them at par on the market,
''fs that so2"
1T Ia Can have them?
Not Just yet understand Grider
Is down here. and wish to sec him
first. Perhaps he may want to buy
them" "
Al this the Judge became frantic,
and pulling jim Into side room. de-
mandcd to know what he would take
for the shares
Well" Jim replied. slowly. you
can have the stock on these terms
| You pay me $4,000 premium ard then
fulhll an agreement you made with me
some time ago, OF YOU can walt here
| I'LL go and sell Grider those shares.
then you can see $1,000. for / know
he'll give that much 3"
Jim started out. but the judge grab
bed him and pulled him back.
"Grlder must not have that stock,
I I tell You. II would ruin me. want
We'll, You know my terms. Five
thousand and your daughter"
The Judge eyed Jim closely for a
full minute. then drew his chcckbook
from his pocket and made out a check
for $1,000. .t--
Here's the money" he said. GIVE
me the stock F"
And I am to have Lucy?" Jim
questioned, ,o-..
Yes. Give me the stock"
"All right. Here Ii is
As they were going UP on the train
that afternoon the judge said
How did YOU happen to buy that
stockP'
20, Just took a notion that way"
jim replied.
Hump" the judge gruntcd Then
he added something about treachery.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

ple," said Hllda tartly. DO You want
some more coffee, too?"
II want you most" said Dabney.
Hilda frowned. "You can have
more coffee IL you want It," she said
significantly.
"I'll take some-if that's all can
have" he agreed, as he passed his
cup. 81 was thinkin' how nice 1t
would be to have you at the head OF
tho table ali the time. Ma wants 10
go East TO live with Nell. Nell wants
her bad, but ma won't leave me alone
because She knows / can cook
You can hirr~a girl II cooks all
you want suggested Hilda with a
toss of Eer head,
There's only one girl I want and
that's YOU" he answered. II wasn't
wanting YOU just to cook.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Thought It a Proposal.

The pretty girl was soliciting for a
charitable publication.
II have come" she exclaimed sud-
denly, Ito take your name" And the
Young man remembered 1t was leap
year and Jumped two feet.
To take my name, miss" he stam-
mered. "0h, er-that is, this Is so
sudden"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Souvenirs.

Gunner-"Wherc have YOU been.
old MANI"
Guyer = "Jast back from Pitts
burg"
Gunner-"Indeed, Did YOU take in
the town."
Guyer-"Oh. no. just part of it.
Swallowed several quarts OF smoke. 4
peck OF SCOT and bushel OF cindors.
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

looked mis-
erably across tho
fields TO where the
lights of the Gordon
house sl1one bright
ly yellow against
gloom OF the autumn
nal night.
That brightest
light was from the
dining room. His
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

Janitor philosopher over his brooms
you think so. John ?" spoke UP the
fat policeman,
"Oi do, Bedad. w,dout tn weather
what would all the OLD cross-grained
fogles that loaf around cigar shops
avn grocery stores hov to kick
about?"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Mean Comparison.

"Confound these railroad time t.
bles." snapped Mr.. Stubb rs the long
folder refused To remain closed long
enough for him to place II in ais
pocket. "They remind me of a wom-
an"
1.-The ideal" replied hls wife in sur
prise. what is the comparison"
"Why. they are hard 10 understand
and you can't get them To shut up"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Cruel,

Gunner-"So the celebrated poet
married Miss Penner. the short-story
writer?"
Guyer-"Yess and some OF their
wedding presents were cruel insinua-
tions."
Gunner-"Whnt did they receiver"
"Guyer - Sixteen waste baskets
embolllshed with ribbons"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Not Worrying Now.

Long-"By the way. old man. you
are looking hundred per cent better
than you did this time last year. Are
you feeling good?"
Short-"You bet am. A year ago
l was worrying about my debts"
Long-"All paid now. eh?"
Short - mo; but they have In
creased until there is no use In trying
to pay, so I've cut out the worry"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
The Girls College Team.

Eva - But II Helen is such an
enemy OF Edna. ] cnu't see why she
wishes TO play on the same foolOnll
team with her.
Katharine "Oh. she knows she
will have q chance to pull her hair
during tho scrimmagc."
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Did the Best He Could.

Please. SIR" said the beggar,
would you give a poor old man
Few pennies9"
See here" rejoined the person ac-
costed. didn't | give you dime
three days ago?"
u believe you did. sir" replied the
beggar. but do the best I can. find
1t impossible to keep my expenses be-
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Sympathy.
1t was In the art museum.
A ..-lI

X was IN the art museum.
"Yes. Mandy" said Mr.. Hardapple.
as he referred to his catalogue, This
be O stature OF Venus. You see, she
hasn't any arms"
Poor thing!' sighed Mrs. Hard
apple. 81 was Just wondering"
Wondering what, MY dear?"
"Why, how In the world she ever
carried her shopping bag"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
A Different Meaning.

What Is your name, my poor
mani" asked the benevolent house
wife. as she brought out saucer of
stewed prunes.
SANDY Pixies. f F. W" replied the
tattered wnyfnrcr. dotfing his brim-
less hat.
Gracious, and does the F. f. V.
stand for first family of Virginia
mo. mum, 1t stands for fast
freight veteran"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Innocence.

Mrs. Van Gilt - MY husband is
feeling the effect of the financial situ-
alton. He took a tumble In Wall
street the other day"
Mrs. Green-"Indeed. Banana peel
or elevator accident?"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

What did the crowd below out
them" asked the old man who was
slightly deaf
"Three cheers for Taft" responded
his city nephew.
"By gum, thought they said,
Three chairs for Taft / know Bill
is pretty big, but ! didn't think he'd
quite require three"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Nothing New.

Mr.. Hardapple (reading) = "By
heck. Mandy, 1t says hero that In Rus
sia they actually shoe tho geese"
Mrs. Hardapple-"That's nothing.
Hiram. Don't we shoo the hens?"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

Dcwberrys who used to live
IN the little house at the end of the
lane?" queried the man who had Just
returned to the village after i've
years absence.
Oh, they struck oil, stranger" re-
piled the old postmaster They own
a big mansion OH the hill. three auto
mobiles and their daughter Is en-
gagged to real duke"
"Strangei Aud do they still have
'Dewberry' on tho gate as they did
when they lived In the little house In
the lane?"
'oh, no. They call themselves Du-
Barry now, Dewberry sounds too
plain."
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

when he comes Ike him pay $4,000
extra for It. Don't YOU see? Then
you viii have the money he demands.
and-and-you will get me"
Il sec Glorious idea But there's
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

the little matter OF paying for the
stock What If didn't happen TO
hive Just that much money aoout
me9"
You don't need to have. You can
take an option on he stock for two or
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

three days and pay for 1t after you
have sold IT,"
Where did YOU learn all thls?"
II heard papa say so"
and YOU betray him for my sake?'
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Somewhat Different.

Cuttem (the tailorl- ~ have Gull
ed TO sec why YOU haven't paid any
attention to my repeated duns.|
SIopay Silence Is golden, YOU
know"
Cuttem - well, in this case it
seems more like brass"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Bombarded.

Ye Nothing can stop time. "
fe Troubadour-"I don't know. ]
stopped three alarms clocks when ]
sung under my lady's window the
other night"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

, share. Now don't you SEQ yhat YOU
must do?"
I'll am not sure that / do"
why. goosy, you must go to st.
Louis tonight and buy that stock be-
fore papa can get there. and then
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Taking No Chances,

Caller-"I hope you don't let your
boss see you shooting craps. my lad ?"
Office Boy-"You bet l don't. mis-
ter. Dc last time he saw me he got In
de game and won me weeks salary
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
10 you consider the best of this coun.

"Oh. we have so many to choose
from it would be difficult to name the
best" replied the American. Among
others. we have tho saw horse. the
clothes horse and the political dark
horse"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Vast Difference.

Money" said the cynic. "is the
real trouble In life"
"It never impressed mo as being
anything like trouble" sighed tho
man who was broke.
And why not. sir?''
well. IL is very easy to borrow
trouble. but did you ever try TO bor-
row money!"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Rapid.

Gunner-"Old Bonds advertised for
swift typist.' A pretty blonde ap-
piled"
Guycr-"And was she swift"
Gunner-"You bet, She eloped
with Bonds son within two weeks &"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

UDGE RUCKER had
" e !. 6. ). !. ; !: J 4
- a decided most POSI-
Ma "a lively that Jim Brock
& IN should not be his
S4xZgI sonin-law. Brock
~ had decided to tho
O@~ contrary.
~ Jim had an ad-
n N vantage. however, In
y " so far that he was
not alone in the
fight, He was mate
rally reinforced by Lucy Rucker. the
Judges daughter, and the object of
the bitter contention. Lucy loved her
father but she loved Jim more.
The one great fault the Judge found
with Jim was his poverty. and this
fault Jim possessed In the first degree
This would not have been so bad IN
the eyes of the judge If Jim had shown
any inclination to remedy il. But he
didn't. He made money, but he was too
generous and fTcchnHced 70 save st.
In the eyes of the judge. who was al
most mlserly. this was an unpardon-
able failing
Show me that YOU can save s. 900
in a year" he once said to Jim. land
! may then reconsider the question of
YOU and Lucy marrying"
81 am sorry." Jim replied "but it
can't be done
"Why can't It? You make money
enough, Pm sure -
Yes, make it, all right, but
can't keep it. have tried, and just
cant do it"
stun When | was young man
was as poor as YOU. but saved mon
ey You can, too, II you try"
III ] had your disposition I could;
but unfortunately am constructed on
a different plan, ] lust emit grind
every dollar out OF people and never
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
What. Indeed Z

1T was 4 koind Providence that
gave us tn weather." mused the
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
A Few of the Best.

Speaking of horses, said the Eng
lish tourist. what particular breed
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Bill Again.

low 3 1-3 cents a day-and your dime
is all gone. sir"
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

EN- turned their heads
to glance backward.
and women turned
completely around to
stare at Hetty Cotton
in her new creation.
1t was a dress
which even on Fifth
Avenue might have
attracted attention
as an unusually or
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18
Ultra.Fa fashionable.

kkxvy HATEvER became OF that
w plain family called the
w Dcwberrys who used to live
The Morning examiner. [volume] (Ogden, Utah) 1904-1910, 1909-04-18

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The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
JOHNSON'S JAG.
A Telephone Talk That Must Have Had
Queer Sequel.

queer Sequei.
McCarty has n fondness tor joke.
II a really glittering opportunity turns
up, his we'll controlled conscience is no
obstacle to his devoting all the time
necessary to the thorough and artistic
performance of his iokelet, which Is
bad for business, but seems to be good
for McCarty's digestion.
The other afternoon the telephone
rang. \ woman was on the wire. She
had the wrong number, which made
no difference to McCarty. He was In
need of relaxation, and the following
one sided conversation ensued:
''Yesyes. this is humpty-umphsteen
seven Rector"
"Who? Mr.. Johnson? oh. yes, Mr..
Johnson-sure," he lied pleasantly.
Did you want TO speak to him?" in.
qulred McCarty sweetly
you're sure it's Mr. Johnson you
want to talk tor
Here McCarty held his hand over the
mouthpiece and forclbly admonlshed
the office boy, who, with humane inten-
lions. had come to rescue the switch
board, susDecting trouble. "G'wan
now I'm dom this" remarked Nc
Carly, fixing the mental with an eagle
eye.
Gould you give me the message,
ma'am. and I'll deliver 1t to Mr.. John
SOM" he resumed with engaging po-
likeness
''Oh, you must speak to him person
ally if he is busy?" McCarty's voice
was an Interrogation point.
you want Mr.. Johnson himself to
step to the telephone, and you are Mrs.
Johnsonf"
well, ma'am, you see he amt step
ping much now--that isl mean--he Is
-well-er-er"- He hesitated In elab
crate confusion
.Yes'm, | am explaining what's the
matter. He-well. you see. your hus-
band would be willing to come to the
telephone but he isn't exactly able"
mo, he's not just what you'd call
busy
mo, he's not ILL., He's doing nicely"
I'VE have i'm on the lounge In the
directors room, and we're doing all we
can for him
"Oh. no. ma'am, you needn't be at
all alarmed. He's not able to walk yet.
but We'll soon have him all right
No, no--aot Ill. l say he's not Ill;
he's dr-that Is. intoxicated, a'am.
but you needn't What's that?"
You've never seen him intox-weli,
you ought to see him now. What"
"You-IiF'-
"Oh. She's rung off,
'.Now, who In the deuce--who dyer
s'pose Mr.. johnson Is. and what dyer
s'pose will be comm to him when he
gets home? oh. gee" And McCarty
gurgled with joy as he swung back
into his seat, and his typewriter click.
ed fnnocently out upon the Office at
mosphere.-NewY York Press.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
Queer Fish.

Which fish have the power Of float.
ing and swimming back downward?
This peculiar property is possessed
only by the dlodon and the tetrodon,
two allied families of tropical fishes
which are popularity known as globe
fish. The tetrodon Is also found of the
coasts OF Cornwall and Ireland. The
faculty is due to the fact that the skin
on the abdomen of these fishes is much
lo0ser than 1t Is on the back, and they
have the power to initiate this loose
skin by swallowing air through the
gullet. This of course enables them to
turn over at will, and. although the
great French naturalist Cuvier did not
believe that when In this position they
could swim as they pleased, Darwin
corrected him and proved that they
could swim both forward and back
ward In this position.
1t Is of course well known that the
shark and the dogfish, owing to the
peculiar position Of the underjaw. are
obliged to turn on their backs before
they can seize their prey, and while In
this position they are able to swim for
very considerable distance. This
however. is done by the muscular force
of the fins and tail and not through
any special apparatus. such as the
globefish possesses. - st. James Ga
zpttp
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
Webster's Presence of Mind.

Once when Daniel Webster was ad-
dressing a political meeting In Faneuil
hall the standing multitude within the
hall. pressed by those who were en-
deavoring to enter from without. be-
gan to sway to and fro. solid mass
OF human bodies. as helpless to coun-
teraet the movement as if Faneui
hall were being rocked by an earth
quake. The orator was In the midst
Of stirring appeal. urging the neces
sity of individual exertion and un
filnching patriotism to avert the dan.
gers that threatened the political
party whose principles he espoused.
when he perceived the terrible swaying
of the packed assembly and the i'm.
minent danger TINT might ensue.
Webster stopped short in the middle
of sentence, advanced to the edge
of the platform, extended his arm In
an authoritative attitude and. In a
stentOrian voice Of command. cried
out 'Let each man stand firm The
effect was instantaneous. Each man
stood firm, the great. heaving mass Of
humanity regained its equilibrium,
and, save the long breath Of relief that
filed the air. perfect stiffness ensued
That" exclaimed the great orator. "is
what we cell self government
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
Diplomatic Rewards.

The rewards for conspicuous service
rendered by our ambassadors and min
listers are In no sense commensurate
with those received by the representa-
tives of other governments. With the
other great powers, IL diplomat rem
ders some notably valuable service,
such as preventing destructive war
or securing treaty of vast political
or commercial Importance, he may be
given better post, be promoted In
rank, have bestowed upon him some
coveted decoration or even be made
peer of the realm. An American
who performs similar service re-
ceives official congratulations and graf
flying expressions of appreciation from
his government. but there the reward
ceases. But there remains. Of course
the best incentive to superior exertion
the satisfaction of doing ones duty.
General Horace Porter in Century.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
BRAVE SOLDIERS.
Sacrificed Their Lives In an Attempt
to Save the CoIors.

to Save the coIors.
In days gone by the Zulus were
the boldcst lighters among all the ma
tives OF South Africa, and 1t was not
until they had been defeated In sew
eral battles that they would live in
peace with white people.
In 1878 5000 of the Zulus attacked
and killed regiment Of British sol
diers, and most heroic deed was the
attempt made by three British sol
diers to save the two flags. or colors.
belonging TO the regiment.
When Ii was seen that the Zulus
were so many that there was no hope
Of keeping them at bay the colonel of
the British regiment called to n young
officer whose name was Lieutenant
Melvill and said. "You will take
charge of the colors. Melvill. and try
to get away from here"
The lieutenant saluted and took into
his hands the two colors of his regi-
ment Then. with another officer and
suddenly dashed away with his pre-
cious burden.
They were at once seen by the keer
sighted Zulus. however, and after a
long chase the three gallant English
men, fighting to the last. were killed
by the enemy.
Some time afterward one Of the flags
was found near a rocky stream, where
the heroes had fought and died. and
1t was taken to England and presented
to Queen Victoria.
And In memory of the three brave
soldiers who had died while defending
II the queen placed wreath of i'm
mortelles on the STAFF which held the
f1ag.-London Mail.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
Arixona's Wonderful Canyon.

How many Americans trot off to
Europe in search OF something new
who have never seen and probably
never known of the Grand Canyon Of
Arizona. the most stupendous, awful,
mysterious. beautiful and attractive
natural wonder in the world! 1t has
a depth Of 6.000 feet. Is over G0,00O
feet wide and incloses a magnificent
river, framed in by giant peaks with
all the colors OF the rainbow This
magnificent canyon has been brought
within easy reach by Pullman car
from our great cities. A trip can be
made from New York in three days
and from Chicago In two-Leslie's
Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
HE WAS EXCITED.
And Yet He Was Making Only Worry
Reasonable Request.


1t was dramatic scene, pregnant
with the most tragic possibilities.
Thus thought witness to the meeting
of three Italians near the big express
depot at Fifteenth and Market streets.
A man and woman who were deliver
ing trunk into the hands of clerk
were suddenly confronted by another
man, who was highly excited. He ap-
preached the woman. In yoluble Ital-
ian he raved and swore and pleaded,
while she shrilled equally excited an
swers The other man stood back
against the wall. his arms folded def
antly, his head sunk on his chest. 1t
certainly looked as IL daggers were to
be drawn. The interested bystander
asked of some listeners who under
stood the rapidly spluttered dialect
what the trouble was all about.
why" was the volunteered transla-
ton, "thls woman has run away from
her husband with this man." pointing
to the sulky individual.
"Oh. and he Is begging her to re-
turn was the next query.
mot on your llfe," was the express
I've reply. "She has packed up all her
husbands clothes In her trunk. as well
as her own, and he is begging her to
give back at least his Sunday suit"
Philadelphia Record.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
THE ONLY VICTIMS.
An Adventure In the Surf on the West
Coast OF Africa.

Coast OF Africa.
West Africa Is known to all naviga-
tors for Its few harbors and its heavy
surf, which at certain seasons RACES
like battle. defylng the white man
who would approach its shores. The
author of THE Jungle Folk of Africa"
Mr. Il. Ii. Milligan, tells of success
full, and to the observers an amusing,
effort to reach shore at point where
the surf did not seem to be impossible,
One day when the beach seemed
much better than usual the captain
and the ships surgeon ventured ashore,
The captain afterward narrated the
adventure of their landing to small
but enthusiastic audience. He said
that after waiting outside the surf half
an hour the headman suddenly gave
the order, and in a moment they were
In the breakers, riding ON the top Of
one of them and speeding toward the
shore at tile rate of seventy miles an
hour
The captain was In the bow of the
boat, well braced and cushioned. But
when the boat struck the beach with
the force OF railway collision the
doctor was thrown violently over two
thwarts into the captains bosom,
whom he elasped about the neck with
Il steel.like grip
The next moment another breaker
picked the boat up and hurled It upon
the beach, throwing both captain and
doctor to perfectly safe distance.
where they sprawled upon the sand.
The doctor. still hugging the captains
neck and very much frightened, cx-
claimed:
ooh, captain, dear captain, is there
anybody killed but you and me?"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1909-04-07
Breaking Out the CoIors.

A pretty sight aboard ship is the
breaking out of the flags on reaching
a port, At the appointed time a sea-
man takes his station at the forward
mast and another at the rear mast.
In his hand is small silken bundle,
tightly rolled. This Is sent aloft.
When the signal to break out the col
ors is given a cord Is pulled, the bun
die unrolls. and a splendid silk flag
futters out into the breeze. At the
foremost is that Of the nation whose
port the ship is entering, while that on
the rear mast is the flag of the steam
ship company. the ships nationality
being advertised by large flag at
the stern The latter Is lowered, or
dipped. by way Of salute when an
other steamer Is passed out in the
ocean.--H. j. Blanton In st. Louis
Globe Democrat