davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
PREVENTING PAINT TROUBLES.

It's easy enough to recognize the
symptoms of poor paint, after it has
been on awhiIe-after its inherent
tendency to crack and peel and scale
and blister, ETC., has developed into
trouble. You knoT these paint dis
eases" usually indicate adulteration
or substitution in the paint materials.
And you know the only remedy is re-
painting.
A little knowledge of paint and
painting requirements, and how to
made sure Of the purity and quality
of materials, would prevent all trou-
BILE, and save the big extra expense of
re-painting; just as proper knowl-
edge of simple hea1th-laws, and OBJ
servance Of them, prevents sickness.
A complete painting guide, includ-
ing a book of color schemes, specifi-
cations for all kinds of painting work,
and an instrument for detecting adul-
iteration in paint materials, with di-
rections for using it, can be had free
by writing National Lead Co., 1902
Trinity Bldg, New York, and asking
for Houseowner's Painting Outfit
No. 49,
A very simple guide in the pur-
chase OF white lead (the only sure
and safe paint materially is the IA
nous Dutch Boy Painter trademark;
that trademark is an absolute guaran-
tee of purity and quality.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
Why She Shut Down.

"a charming gentleman, about four
years old, used to pass my house every
day on his way to kindergarten" said
a lady, "and in course of time l made
his acquaintance and gave penny to
him each morning when we parted.
Eventually his mother requested
me not to give any more money to
him. The next morning I did not pre-
sent the usual penny. He did not seem
to notice the omission. The succeed
ing day, when the penny was not
given to him he said nothing. But on
the morning of the third day, when the
penny was not forthcoming, he sided
up to me and whispered: What's the
matter. Amt your husband working?'"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
lhe Months of the Year
By w. j. Hampton.

;, mere are II months 4 o,,or, roor
II you do not believe & ~ eroly ss1tt
Every almanac contains so| co y t
se1 Admanacs may be had at all drug
stoEes Iree. There is nothing else free
a. orug stores except tho atmosphere
though that ought ID ii ,ro III, 81 t 1oaet
q e scan tef !, lorhit never has less than
January. the. first month has 81
aays' IL has SO many because being
nrst on the ground it has onnort,,nities
aru 2; = ~ al u can, and it does. Janu-
atS IS very human month There is
~ eelling what sort Of a record some
" the other months would have if
tney mad the chance January does,
anyway, none of them gets any more
than January. e'' ''-ts NJ
repruary, the second month, is the
smailest and modestest month in the
enllfe collection. While all the others
LAX, lake from 30 to 81 days as their share.
Attle February takes but % excent
is forced upon ii. '
maFcn Is the third month of the
year and the first month of spring
Marcn is the blowiest month of all
April. the fourth month, contains 80
Gays and Is the first month of that
SIZE IN the year April showers are
Inc chief ingredient of this month, and
tney are usually quite wet. They have
70 De wet IN order to supply the incipi-
snt vegetation with growing water. In
ussert regions where there is no in
clplent vegetation the April showers
are not vet. They are not anything
except absent.
June, the first month of summer.
contains the longest day in the year,
Though it has more long days than
any other month it is not the longest
months, several having 81 days to its 80
july, the seventh month, has 81
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

a little boy came in and deposited
a suit Of clothes on the tailors table.
Father says, please will you press
this suit and bring it to him at the
Hotel Willoughby by nine o'clock to-
morrow morning. said the boy. "Fa-
Their says, see you don't make no mis-
take, because he's staying in New
York for the week and it's the only
suit he's got."
Don't you call that tempting fate?"
asked one of the 1oungers who made
the tailor's shop his place of diversion.
@Nah!1 said the tailor, lighting the
fire under his irons THAT can't go
wrong, unless my place is broken into
during the night and all the goods
stolen. You got to take some risks
everywhere. "
THAT reminds me of something that
happened to a friend of NINE" said
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

thrown it down a grating into a
sewer"
"Ha! hal" said the tailor, pausing
in his ironing to look round and smile
appreciatively.
They took the sewer up and found
the key. The baby recognized the key
and gave it to his aunt, and the aunt
took it to the tailor, who was still
drunk. Then they found that it was
the wrong key. The tailor had the
right key in his hand and was trying
to wind his watch with it. They got
the right key at last and opened the
store and got the bishops garment"
"And they were happily married?"
asked a listener.
NO." said the man. "By that time
the bride had got tired of waiting and
thought she preferred the single state.
So she Tilted the bridegroom
"Ha, ha, hal" laughed the tailor,
resting his iron upon the cloth and
doubling himself upin inextinguishab1e
laughter.
"Ho, no, hot" reared his compan-
ions, rocking themselves in their
chairs.
1t was several moments before the
tailor recovered his self-possession.
Then he took up his iron and raised
the cloth. He uttered a scream and
began tearing his hair.
Look, look!" he shrieked, pointing
to the ironing board
He had let the iron stand and it
had burned an enormous smouldering
hole in the trousers.
Copyright, 1909. by w. G. Chapman)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
Beginning the Quarrel

Ny dear" said young Mcbride to
his wife, when l come home, you
know, | always kiss you"
Certainly, love. That is a proper
way to show your affection"
Exactly Now, when | come home
and there happens to be a lady here
calling upon you, am to kiss you be-
fore her?"
.'Mr. Mcbride" interrupted the gen
tleman's wife, sternly, you are not to
kiss the other lady at all l never
heard of such thing"
who said anything about kissing
the other lady, should like to know?'
"You did"
Il didn't"
"Did!"
Didn't"
what did you say, them
II wanted to know II ought to kiss
you in the presence of the other lady?'
Then why didn't you say 500"
II did"
"You didn't"
"Did!'
Didn't"
What did I say. then?"
~
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
The Sermons of a Sinner
BY Roy |. MccardeIl

cept the wonderful thing Of stopping
drinking.
Sometimes papa is the potato, a
mealy, full-fiavored, honest old potato,
that does his best for everybody else
and his worst for himself.
Sometimes it is a son potato; some.
times it is a daughter potato. 1t is
the good daughter of the family who,
while the rest are abroad pleasuring,
stays home to care for the sick be.
cause she does it SO we'll
The other daughters are the lilies,
and in the little vegetable kingdom OF
home the potato girl vegetables while
the lilies who are clothed we'll and
look SO sweet are the flowers of the
family.
The hard work is never thrust upon
the worthless. 1t is added to the bur.
dens that the worthy have already en-
dured.
The worthless, husband, father, son
or daughter, are handled gently and
treated kindly, bus the family potato
is never considered.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

How kind wives and mothers OF
drinking men are to them if they do
drink, fearing lest a scolding drive
them to worse excesses!
How glad wife and mother are to
see them come home sober once or to
come at all!
Yet let the family potato attend
even Goldfish ball, and so neglec:
covering the fire, putting out the cal
and seeing doors and windows are nm
fastened!
All, Dearly Beloved, being a potat9
is hard lines! We are not apprecl.
ated even after we are cold!
Copyright. 1909, by W. G. chapman.)
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

,n,tter man. He was the metropoli-
t I'm bishop Of Pittsburg, in the Greek
~ o,,rrob VI when the consurs son got
o.,s,. Is i girl of the Greek Catholic
.ler, 81 course they had to send
III Ne bishop to perform the cere-
mony, : .,,,n,o az 80
s. came from Pittsburg in his
s s,lq ecssiasticaI outfit, which was
s s,is \ ereases when he arrived, so
loiA need to do what your friend
6 ne s. here IL would go to bed at his
S Sotsi snd have the tailor call for his
n0s1 Ind bring them back neatly
. c,os arst thing in the morning 1.
and taking up the second
t troas & press them on the other side de-
Iron OR TonId have gone well. but for
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
Beware of Ointments for catarrl1
that Contain Mercury.

as mercury will surely destroy the sense of smell
and completely derange the whole system when
entering it through the mucous surfaces Such
articles should never be used except prescrp-
tions from reputable physicians the damage they
will do is ten fold to the good you possibly de-
rive from them. Halls Catarrh Cure. manufactured
by F. j. Cheney & Co, Toledo. o.. contains no mer.
curry, and is taken internally acting directly upon
the blood and mucous surfaces OF the system. In
buying Hairs Catarrh Cure be sure you get the
genuine. 1t is taken internally and made in Toledo
Ohio. by F. J. Cheney & Co. Testimonials free.
Sold by Druggists. Price, Use. per bottle.
Take Halls Family Pills for consultation.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

you wanted to know if you were to
kiss me before the other lady, and I
said you weren't to kiss the other lady
at ALL
"Oh, well, let's kiss each other
And here ended the first quarrel
Sunday Magazine.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
EXPERT ADVICE.

Butler-Pardon this interruption,
but there is a deputation of unem-
ployed waiting for you at the door.
His Excellency-Tell the people to
GO home quietly. drains glass of
champagne) People in this world can
get on very well without work-at
least I find it so.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
~ Wisdom OF Being Worth
Tex less.


800 fne began, Dearly Beloved
Ss Who have lived by telling
the how to work, and therefore
otnels .sd not themselves, have cried
have ~ sire rewards that awaited
alou0 sadeavor.
an ~ hard work who has moth
has ever been the burden
Ing plaint.
OF Vs. this, Dearly Beloved. The
we she field toll not, neither do
lilies and yet they are well
they ia popular.
Dress adigal son always gets the
Tns tt is the family loafer who
best AZ mammals pet: and where
is a. family that hasn't its or
is Lle loafer, its lily of the field,
name its humble, Woodworking,
as ato that the family subsists
ilI.claq
ont f do we know the drunken
How could do such wonderful
genius : only stopped drinking, ex-
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

81 days, most of them dog. It mas
been proposed tentatively to change
the name of the month to DAugust,
because it is the doggest of the year,
but it will be a long time getting here
because the almanac is proverbially
slow and conservative and the moon
is about the only thing in it that
changes much.
September. the first month of au-
tumn, has so days. one of which is Of
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
Other Mems wives.

what a pretty party this is" she
said, as she looked around the beauti-
full room at the pretty women sitting
on the long divans against the wall.
"And these are your wives? Aren't
they sweet? Isn't it lovely?"
EYES," he admitted, "but you ought
to have been at our party last month
when we had lot of other fellows
wives. 1t was a whole lot loVelier."
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
hat makes YOU think SC 2"
Getting Down to Brass Tacks

Getting Down TO Brass Tacks.
II love you!"
1--WE heard that before"
81 worship you madly."
Loose talk"
Il can not live without your love!"
Get some new stuff"
will you marry me-"
We'll, now, there's some class til
that"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

When woman goes away on visit
for few days, never ask her why she
takes so many clothes with her, for
how else could she show her friends
that she has them?
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

Thousands of country people know that
in time of sudden mishap OF accident
Hamlins Wizard Oil is the best substi-
it is so often found upon the shelf.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

days, but notwithstanding this plain
statement of undeniable figures, it is
well known that one day is the fourth
of July. This could never be proved
by almanac, arithmetic or analogy,
but history proves it, or has proved it
since 1776. Meteorologically, physio-
logically and historically, July is hot
stuff.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

He who is false to- duty breaks a
thread in the loom, and will find the
flaw when he may have forgotten the
cause.-H. Ward Beecher.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
Big Job.

The American always try u
wear clothes to conform to tha
weather.
The Briton- What are you-a Iigh:.
ming change artist?-Life.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
A New Test,

WAS your speech a success?"
NO" answered the gloomy states.
man. ut made no impression what
ever
What makes you think so?"
Everybody kept quiet. There wasn't
a single attempt to shut me Up or keen
my remarks out of the Record. -
Washington Star.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

ONLY ONE tsBROMO OU1NINE.o
That is LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE Look fol
the signature of Il. w. GROVE. Used the Worid
over to Cure Cold in One Day. Csc.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

Browns Bronchial Troches' give relief
in Bronchial and Lung Troubles. A sim
pie remedy. % cents box Samples sent
free by John !. Brown Son, Boston. Mass.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

The assistance we get is seldom sat
isfactory. Tbs BEST way is not to
need 1t.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

Il think her friends are all duh ana
undressing.
They are Net one of them eYes
figured in q divorce case. "-Detroit
Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10
For Headache Trv Hicks capudine.

Whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or
Nervous troubles, the aches are speedily
relieved by Capudine. It's Liquid-pleas-
ant to take-Effects Immediately. 10, Is
and SOC at Drug Stores.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1909-04-10

1t is what It is cracked up to be-" If
It is ice.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16

when he come into the field he was carrying an umbrella over him.
 l went with him all the next winter. and by spring he was coming here twice a week regular l used to spend nearly two hours beforehand getting ready for him, and he would just take spells over my-my-looks; but all the time l felt kind of uneasy
 At last one night when he was try ing to make me promise him, sure, just up and says:
 Isaac says I, you don't know me. You think I'm pretty and I'm not"
 Why aren't you pretty, Matilda?" says he. Gle always says aren't" and "isnt') Haven't you the most beautiful hair that was ever on a woman's head? Isn't your skin like the petals of a lily? Aren't your teeth like pearls?'
 No, sir says l, they ain't! IL takes me half an hour to do up my hair so it looks like it's naturally huf. fly. These pearls you're talking about most of em cost three dollars apiece. and my lily skin comes out of cold cream jar and powder box. My eyes is the real thing, but if there was any way of changing em I'd be doing it."
 He seemed sort of dazed for a min ute. but at last he says:
 Well, Matilda. even if your bodily charms are not all-er--real. those of your character are. And love, Matil da, is not dependent On the physical Love is a spiritual thing It is a com munion of souls
 That all sounded nice, but still didn't feel just right about it. But told him I'd give him an answer the next afternoon when le was to come and take me out buggy riding.
 didn't sleep much that night. It seemed to me l had come to the place wh"I a the path divided, and l coL.dn',
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Costs to Be Charitable.

A New York truckman left his big white horse within seeing and smell ing distance of big pile of fine fruit on an old womans applestand. The Post says the horse craned his neck and showed his desire for bite plain ly enough, but the old woman shook her head:
 "G'wan, y old blarney,' she ex- claimed.
 But the horse did not "g'wan." h. stead he advanced one hoof upon the sidewalk.
 Would ye see that, now" the wom- an said. well, 'tis such human way y have"
 She gave him an apple and turned away, muttering: "Tis expensive to be charitable"
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16

'' w. h wcy WIS .33.lg to trave'
 c5 q e up ny nj. l wat l wa
 .2 to io to det de t." matter. ,as retty toush On me- but l felt 1t
 as my duy.
 The next day went to work clean g house. Alter l had cleaned and crubbed two rooms the forenoon was bout gone, and l saw the floors couldn't be dry enough for the carpets efore night so l put on the boiler nd went to washing. Isaac was to be here at three. By half-l ast two be- ,un to get panicky. Then, for the rst time that day, l took time to go md look in the glass
 was a sight My hair wasn't like he heroine's in a story. You know when their hair gets damp it always urls up into little, clinging tendrils. We'll, mine don't. And when l saw myself standing there in my wretched old wrapper, with my stringy hair, and face covered with what Isaac calls l felt like fleeing as a bird to the mountain. But l didn't. just went back to my washing.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Electric Treatment for vioIins

A noted violiIist and violin maker believes he has discovered method for giving, by the aid of an electrica' machine. the same quality of tone to a violin that age has been credited with providing. The theory of the yiolinist, says Popular Mechanics, is that il is not the age of the violin which really gives it it's superior tone, but the amount of blowing" or vibration it has received. By the use of the electrical machine the violin is eXpectel to get as much lowing in 30 days as the same instrument would receive in 50 years of ordinary use.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Mazarin's Beloved Pictures.

Perhal no more ardent lover of pie lures ever lived than Cardinal Maga. rin, minister of the regency during the minority of Louis XIV. Beng told that he had but two months to live, he was soon after seen in his nightcap and dressing gown, tottering along his gallery, pointing to his pictures, ex. claiming: Must l quit al these Look at that Correggi, this Venus of Titan; that incompatible Deluge of Caracci. Farewell, dear pictures, tha have loved so dearly and that cost me so much"
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
A Declining Japanese Industry.

The forging of cimeter blades in Japan was once flourishing industry and the workers formed close and powerful corporation. But the indus try has declined for years, and now only two makers are left-Messrs. Sonkyama and Myamoto. No young Japanese has come forward to offer himself as an apprentice, and the question was referred to the Mikado with a view of perpetuating the in- dustry.
 The Mikado has come to the rescue and has founded two scholarships of $500 to induce two lads to offer them selves for initiation into the art and mystery of making cimeter blades.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Diaries and Henhouses in Architecture

Before the young architect fresh from Paris had been with the New York firm week he confessed to com plete disillusionment. "The only thing I see ahead of me for year or two to come" said he, lis dairies and chicken houses. When left America four years ago there were not dozen dairies in the United States that had received the attention of good archi- tect. Now I find that every man who owns a large estate is paying big price to big architects for giving their best brains to COW and chicken houses, which certainly indicates, think that in some branches of art, anyhow, America is going some.'
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16

Promlt at three 0 CLOCK .saac drove D to the fence. could see him from
 e window, with his g,oves on and old-rimmed glasses, and collar stand lg way up around his ears. Whe le children came a-racing througN he house to tell me he had come lst said, calmly, Bring him on. ere"
 Pretty soon in came Isaac. couldn't i1e him very plain for minute through the steam, and for a minute 'e didn't s"cak. At last he says, lr he funniest voice:
 "Wl at does this mcau?"
 Tt just means I'm kind of busy this afternoon says l, as l picked up 2 pile of dirty clothes off of chair an offertd d him seat. How do you liAr my lily complexion to-day, Isaac?"
 I'm su.e-I don't understand" he says. "I feel kind of stunned
 You'd better feel stunned before you're marr ed thaa afterwards" says l. "I dent think any man ought to marry q girl till he s seen her in he. everyday clothes. And so want yon to und 3:stand that this is the way l look about half of the time. If l was to take you I'm afraid tfat, judging from your rres mt respects, woIldn { have much time to stand be'ore the glass. neither. And I'm afgad d. too, says |, kind of cautious. I'm afraid you'd have to find me in the kitchen over wash-tub more than once a week"
 Then he got mad Even if you should have to work at manual labor, says he, you can maintain your per sonal appearance. says he.
 "Oh, well, says l, as l started a sheet through the wringer, whats the difference? Love does not derend on the physical. Loves sl iir;ual thing Isaac It's communion Of so Is
 Well. sir, he just give me one long. shuIdering look. then he lit out of that kitchen and out to h's buggy and went away. That was three weeks ago and l aint seen him since.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Only Cree in Awhile,

Once in awhile you'll run across a woman who'd rather stay home and darn stockings than go to an after noon card party.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Whole Lake Little Enouqh.

Wilson the poet, better known as christopher North" is the author of many of the wittiest things he did not say are attributed to him. One morning after gran nicht," with group of his cronieS and an abundance of whisky and wit, he awoke with d throat like lime kiln and called out for the 'r~diady of the little inn on the shore of Loch Lomond, where he was spending lAis holiday:
 "Bettle, guid dame, I'm unco dry. Fetch in the loch.' New York Jour nal.
 Church Nicknames in China.
 Chinese converts to Christianity recognize distinctions in the common faith, albeit sects and schisms are contrary to their national traditions. The description of Quakers as No. wash society, Anglicans as Little wash society, and Baptists as Largee wash society has, of course, regard to the administration of baptism in the three communities; but other salient points frequently form the basis of title. Thus, to Celestial Christians, Congregationalists are known as the One-man-as-good-as other society, Wesleyans as Hand shakers-in consequence of the GUS tom of their social gatherings while Pfesbyterians figure as Women can t-speak-in-public society.-Tit Bits.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
The Difference.

A woman prays to get into heaven, but she fights to get into society," Exchange.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Cheap Gasoline.

Redd-Do you buy that kind of gasoline with a scent?
 Grecne-No: I didn't know there vas any as cheap as that! t!-Yonkers Statesman.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Epitaph on a Bore.

He was not for time but for all day.-Punch
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
vineqar for Painting.

To get person out of faint soak a cloth with vinegar and apply to the nose.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16

If ever a man comes along that'll tell me. over wash-tub, that he loves me, I'll know he's got the real goods and I'm ready for him.
Holbrook argus., 1909-02-16
Beware of Verbosity.

Too much talk weakens the strongest argument.