The Ocala evening star. [volume] (Ocala, Fla.) 1895-1943, 1909-10-02
FUNNY MANS
OCTOBER FORECAST
Copyrighted 1909 by C.>H. Reith)

Ran a little bit faster,
And he got in at noon
And addressed the postmaster.
Then up and away,
To his subjects impartial,
At 2 he addressed
A United States marshal.
Still on and yet on.
AS untiring as Hector,
He was speaking at
To a census director.
\ In the meantime he shaved,
But had scarcely sheathed his
razor
When he rushed out to talk
To a U. s. appraiser.
Then one more ovation
Upon his great journey,
And a speech from the rear
To a U. 8. attorney.
They feared he was spent.
But he proved great slayer,
And the next stop he talked
To a customs surveyor.
They begged him desist,
But he answered them Fudge"
And at 6 was addressing
A Federal Judge.
Refreshed by some tea
And a couple of crulls,
He addressed an inspector
or boilers and bulls.
Then on and still on
The swift special ran,
And he piled out and spoke
To revenue man.
Then no! for the night,
Without station or steeple,
And he hit the hay saying.
'Hurrah for the people!"
October is from the Latin octo,
meaning eight. That is, it is about
eight times as pleasant as any other
month in the year, and the Ro-
mans took this means of saying so.
They were very fond of cracklings
and about hog-kilnng time Lucul-
lus gave a cracking banquet at the
Auditorium which made everyb0dy's
mouth water a month before 1t
came of. Caesar said that crack
lings made Rome the mistress Of
the world, and Il was not until her
soldiers began eating spaghetti and
vermicelli that the empire began to
decay.
The hunting season will resume
upon the ripping lake, and the
hunter will get out his gun and hide
him In the brake: the festive duck
will fy about, and In the smoke and
din a leaden pellet now and then will
penetrate his skin, until the quar-
RVS gravity Is overcome with shot,
and the sportman nearest when he
falls will clap him In the pot.
The cider press will creak and
wheeze and the sorghum pot will
boil; the wind will whistle through
the trees, and the frog will bore for
| oil; the haze of fall will veil the
sun, and the days grow soft and
short, the nimble colt will jump and
run, the lambkin will cavort, the air
will smell of smoking hams and APP
plebutter butts, and the poor con-
sumer will renew his strength with
hazelnuts.
The Cookite and the Pearyite
Will pull each others nose,
And both explorers will line up
Their trusty EskimOs.
| AS to which was prior.
And we'll have to send for Roose-
\ welt
To find out who's q liar.
1t does seem terrible that he who
always knows who's lying should
be away in Africa when all of US
are dying to know the truth. A
word from him would quickly salts
fy us which one Of them perhaps
deserves the brand of Ananias. A
fg for all the specimens he Is &C
cumulating-he ought to be here on
the job and duly separating the
double tongued ones from the rest
and ILLUMINATING thunder az once he
did lest we shall make a very stupid
blunder.
However, let us all rejoice and
give thanks in some manner that
both men found the pole beneath
our own immortal banner, and thai
deciding which one wins Is wholly
our own doing, with nothing inter
national unfortunately brewing. II
makes one -shudder Just to think Il
Peary, say, had found 1t and having
marked 1T with the nag and done 8
Idance around 1t, he should return
in triumph here to banquet and re
view II, and some dang foreignel
Popped up and claimed he beat u
to 1t.
Wed have to take it to The Hague
And failing to agree,
Wed have to go in battleships
| And litter up the sea
with one another's property,
And dye it with our blood
lin mortal combat till the one
Or others name was Mud.
But nothing OF that sort impends
and meanwhile Mr.. Taft will liv
upon a pullman car and speak hi
pieces aft. He'll range the bold in
surgents up for their unthinkin,
deeds, and bat them with his repri
mands away OF In the weeds. Hell
call the shy consumer up, recalling
all the squibs, and jocularly feel tn
fat upon that worthy's ribs. An
Having shown US at some pain
} about where we are at, he'll disar
pear around the bend. wig-waggin
with his hat.
The football season will return
and the college men uplined vii
get their heads together with thei
heels kicked up behind. The va
liant captain will exhort his girl
and bloody crew, and the boys vi
butt until their brains are battere
lhlack ond hlno The 1uayd vi