davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
EnIivened His Sermon.

A minister of Crosmichael, in Fife,
frequently talked from the pulpit to
his hearers with amusing and indeed
irreverent familiarity. Expounding a
passage from Exodus one day, he pro-
ceeded thus: "'And the Lord said unto
'Moses'-sneck that door! Pm thinking
If ye had to sit beside the door yerser
ye wadna be sac ready leaving 1t open.
1t was just beside that door that Ye-
dam Tamson, the bellman, got his
death O. cauld, and I'm sure, honest
man, he didna let it stay muckle open
And the Lord said unto Moses'-I see
a man azeath the laft WI his hat on.
I'm sure, man, ye're clear o. the soogh
O. that door there. Keep aft your BAN
net, Thamas, and If your bare pow be
cauld ye maun just get a gray worsted
wig, like myself. They're no sac dear
plenty o. them at Rob Gillespie's for
10 pence apiece" The reverend gen
tleman then proceeded with his dis
course
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
HE WAS EXCITED.
And Vet He Was Making Only Very
Reasonable Request.

1t was dramatic scene. pregnant
with the most tragic possibilities.
Thus Thought witness to the meeting
of three Italians near the big express
depot at Fifteenth and Market streets.
A man and woman who were deliver
ing trunk into the hands of clerk
were suddenly confronted by another
man, who was highly excited. He ap-
preached the woman. In voluble ltal-
ian he raved and swore and pleaded,
while she shrilled equally excited an
swers. The other man stood back
against the wall his arms folded def
antly, his head sunk on his chest. 1t
certainly looked as If daggers were to
be drawn. The Interested bystander
asked of some listeners who under.
stood the rapidly spluttered dialect
what the trouble was all about.
"Why." was the volunteered transla-
ton, this woman has run away from
her husband with this man." pointing
to the sulky individual.
"Oh, and he is begging her to re-
turn?" was the next query.
Not on your life" was the express
i've reply. "She has packed up all her
husbands clothes in her trunk, as well
as her own, and he is begging her to
give back at least his Sunday suit
Philadelphia Record.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Not Worth II.

A young man, after his banns had
been twice announced. called upon the
busy vicar early one morning. He
wanted to have private word with
him about the banns.
We'll" said the vicar, what is
wrong?'
"Oh, it's the girls name"
Hasn't it been given correctly?"
"Oh, yes, It's correct enough, but I
want you to put another girls name
for the third calling. I've changed my
mind and would rather marry Mary
'Arris instead Of Sarah Jenkins"
The vicar lectured the youth upon
his fickleness and told him If he want
ed any alteration 1t would be necessary
to make a fresh start and have the
banns published afresh.
"What, and pay another shilling?'
gasped the lover.
Certainly" replied the vicar.
"Well, in that case you had better
let 1t be as 1t is, and I'll marry my first
love."-Pearson's Weekly.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
A Subtle Hint.

A representative in congress, who is
the father of several bright girls, tells
story whereof one daughter is the
main figure.
For a long time" says the repre-
sentative, 81 had the bad habit Of
hanging about the lower floor when
the girls had men callers. One even
ing l had settled in an easy chair in
the reception room just off the draw
ing room when one of my girls, who
was talking to a bright chap from our
own state, called out:
"'Dadp
"'What is it, daughterY
"1t's O'clock, the hour when Tom
and / usually go into committee ~
Harper's Weekly.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
MODERN ROYALTY.
HopeIessly Handicapped by the Prog
ress of Mankind.

HopeIessIy Handicapped by the Prog
ress of Mankind.
What Is q modern king for If not to
set q pattern of the brave, courteous.
urbane gentleman and make comely
figurehead for state occasions? IL he
fails there of what earthly use is he?
He cannot govern. He dare not at
tempt to rule. He is so outcassed In
professional training by his own gen.
erals that he would never be tolerated
as an active commander In chief in
time of war He is hopelessly below
the requirements of the age IL he
dreams of leadership in art or learn
Ing, literature or science If he cannot
make brave showing of the virtues
and graces of more primitive times
when he gets chance he fails utterly.
The truth is that modern royalty is
handicapped hopelessly by the progress
of mankind The age is far too COM
plex to enable king to play the part
he is cast for in the great drama of
the worlds work and struggles. He
would be more than human If he could
live up to the demands Of his birth
and the traditions of his vocation.
Kings were formerly tragedies when
they were evil and great benefactors
when they were both good and wise.
Now they are perilously near the bor-
der line of comedy, which slides easily
down into farce.-Cleveland 1eader.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

Sir James Ross in the course of his
travels noted curious fact with re-
gard to the penguin-namely, the habit
of swallowing stones. In one speci-
men he found ten pounds weight Of
quartz, granite and trap. Other ami
mails, reptiles, fishes and mammals ex-
hibit the same strange fancy. In a
paper contributed to the proceedings
of the Bristol Naturalists' society W..
III. Wicks has collected number Of
facts connected with such stomach
stones. The fact noted by Mr.. Wicks
that the pebbles are usually white
quartz is interesting, but does not ap-
pear to throw any light on the strange
habit.-London Globe.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
WANTED THEM SAVED.
Lincoln Stuck to His Selection Of a
Hospital Chaplain.

The nomination of Mr.. Shrigey OF
Philadelphia. Universalist, for the
position of chaplain for the hospital
was not met with favor on all sides,
and n delegation Of protestants went
to Washington to see President Lin
coin on the subject. The following In
terview was the result:
confer with you regarding the appoint
ment of Mr.. Shrigley of Philadelphia
as hospital chaplain"
'Oh. yes" replied the president. II
have sent his name to the senate. and
he will no doubt be confirmed at an
early date"
One Of the young men replied, 1--WE
have not come to ask for the appoint
ment, but to solicit you to withdraw
the nomination"
"Ah," said Lincoln, that alters the
case. But on what grounds do you
wish the nomination withdrawn"
The answer was, "Mr. Shrigley is
not sound in his theological opinions"
The president inquired, "On what
questions Is the gentleman unsos nd ?"
"He does not believe in endless pun
ishment. Not only so, sir, but he be-
lieves that even the rebels themselves
will be finally saved" was the reply.
'Is that so?" inquired the president.
The members Of the committee re-
sponded, Yes, SIR"
"Well, gentlemen, If that is so and
there is any way under heaven where
by the rebels can be saved, then. for
Gods sake and their sakes. let the man
be appointed.
Mr.. Shrigley was appointed and serv-
ed until the end of the war.-Boston
Post.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

"The only safe place in the neighbor-
hood Of kicking ostrich is just be-
hind it," said zoo keeper. "An ostrich
can kick mule to death, but its kicks
are delivered at an angle Of As degrees.
Within those As degrees, right abaft
the 'pope's nose Of the bird, there is
absolute safety. On the ostrich farms
Of California, when the herds are being
driven, you will always see the ostrich
boys holding on to the tails Of bad
kickers. The kickers tear along, and
their scaly legs shoot out like piston
rods, but the boys in the shelter Of the
pope's nose are safe."-New Orleans
Times Democrat.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Just ToIerabIe.

Concerning certain time serving
Washington clergyman of whom Wis
itor was one day expressing a harsh
estimate President Lincoln said:
think you are rather hard on Mr.. -.
He reminds me Of man in Illinois who
was arrested for passing a counterfeit
bill. He admitted that he had taken II
to bank cashier to know IL 1t was a
good bill. "Well, what was the reply of
the cashier?" asked his lawyer. why" /"
evasively answered the prisoner, "he said
1t was pretty tolerable. respectable sort
of BILL"
Mr.. Lincoln thought the clergyman
"a pretty tolerable, respectable sort of
a clergyman"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
GOT HIM CHEAP.
The Way a Famous Surgeon Was Once
Cleverly Tricked.

SiSNS'iy lIiSNcus
Sir Morel Mackenzie once received a
wire from Antwerp asking him his
charges for certain operation. He
replied f500 and was told to come at
once When he stepped upon the dock
he was met by three men In mourning,
who Informed him sadly that he had
come too late, the patient had died.
But" said the spokesman of the
party, 1--WE shall pay you your full fee."
And they did. "And now." said the
man, "since you are here, what do you
say to visiting the city hospital and
giving clinic for the benefit Of our
local surgeons? 1t is not often they
have an opportunity Of bene6ting by
such science us yours"
Sir Morel said he would gladly com
ply. He went to the hospital and per
formed many operations. among which
were two Of similar nature to that
for which he had been called for
When he had finished all thanked him
profusely. On the steamer going home
he met a friend who had business
house in Antwerp.
"Pretty scurvy trick they played on
you, Sir Morel."
"what do you mean?" asked the sur
geon.
"Tod you the patient died before
you arrived, didn't they?"
"Yes."
"Lies. You operated on him and a
friend with the same trouble at the
clinic. Got two operations for one
price"
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
She Had Tested the Oyster.

Dora, the pet of the household, was
very fond Of oysters, and after eating
her lunch Of oysters and crackers she
thought of her dear mother busy at her
sewing machine. She selected nice
large oyster, put it in plate and car
ried it to her mother, who, pleased
with her little daughters thoughtful
ness, ate the oyster and said:
"It is most as good as my little
grille"
EYES," answered Dora, II know 1t is
good cause licked it all the way
from the kitchen."-Delineato
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
VA STARTLING STATEMENT
New York Medical Authorities Claim
Dyspepsia Causes CONSUMPTION

The post mortem statistics of the big
New York hospitals show that some cases
OF consumption are due to unchecked dys.
pepsia, especially when the victim was
predisposed to tuberculosis.
Dyspepsia wears out the body and brain,
the weakened, irritable stomach is unable
to digest food, the body does not receive
the required nourishment, constipation en-.
sues and the victim becomes thin, weak
and haggard. AS result, the body be-
comes a fertile field for the germs of
disease to lodge and flourish.
Therefore, the person who permits dys.
pepsia to progress unhindered is guilty Of
contributing toward the development of
one of the most insidious pi.d fatal dis.
cases known to mankind.
Dyspepsia is curable if properly treated.
We sell a remedy which we positively
guarantee will cure indigestion or dys-
pepsia, or we will pay for all the medicine
used during the trial. This remedy is an
absolutely new medical discovery and has
been named Rexall Dyspepsia Tablets.
Certainly no offer could be more fair, and
1t is proof positive that Rexall Dyspepsia
Tablets are dependable and infallible
remedy. Inasmuch as the medicine will
cost you nothing if it does not benefit you
we urge you who arc suffering with ind-
gestion or dyspepsia to try this remedy.
A twenty-five cent box Of Rexall Dys-
pepsia Tablets contains enough medicine
for fifteen days treatment Remember
Rexall Dyspepsia Tablets are only sold
by us.
Stoke & Feicht Drug Company Store
Reynoldsville, Pa.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
THE GREAT COMMANDMENT.
A Constant Rain of Missiles Upon the
Worlds Atmosphere.

The regions of space beyond our
planet are filed with flying fragments.
Some meet the earth in its onward
rush; others. having attained incon-
ceivable velocity, overtake and crash
into the whirling sphere with loud det
onation and ominous glare, finding de
struction in its molecular armor or
the unknown Some come singly. va
grant fragments from the infnity of
space; others fall in showers, like gold
en- rain, all constituting lombard
ment appalling in its magnitude.
1t has been estimated that every
twenty-four hours the earth or it's at
mosphere is struck by 400,000,000 mis-
siles Of iron or stone, ranging from an
ounce up to tons in weight Every
month there rush upon the flying globe
at least 12,OO0,0O0,OO0 iron and stone
fragments, which, with lurid accompa-
niment, crash into the circumambient
atmosphere.
Owing to the resistance offered by
the air few of these solid shots strike
the earth. They move out of space
with possible velocity of thirty or
forty miles per second and, like moths,
plunge into the revolving globe, lured
to their destruction by its fatal attrac-
tion. The moment they enter our at
mosphere they ignite, and the air is
piled up and compressed ahead Of them
with inconceivable force, the resultant
friction producing an immediate rise in
temperature, and the shooting star, the
meteor Of popular parlance, is the re-
suit.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
THE KE77LEpRuM.
II Is an instrument That Is Pretty Diff
ficult to Handle.

ficult to Handle.
The kettledrum has been so far i'm
proved that 1t has Il pitch; In fact, 1t
contains the large range of four notes.
1t is, as its name shows, a copper ket-
tie, or basin. covered over with skin,
which can be tghtened or loosened by
screws placed around the edge. Drums
Of this shape were used by the Rom
ans, and even earlier by the Greeks
and Etruscans. But they were not
known in western Europe before the
crusades.
Although 1t may appear so. the ket-
tledrum is not at all an easy instru-
ment to manage, for in order to get
each Of the four notes the player has
to turn all the screws and adjust the
parchment anew. For this reason ket-
tledrums are often used In pairs, one
tuned to the keynote. the other to the
fourth below. In this way the drum
mer has always the two chief notes in
the scale to work upon, and If the COM
poser has not exacted much from him
he will have quite an easy time. But
when change of key is approaching
1t is quite exciting to watch the drum.
mer screwing and unscrewlng the
the drum and lightly tapping to hear If
the pitch is true, and IL we recollect
that he often has to tune his drum
while the whole orchestra is lifting up
Its voice we realize that he must be
no mean musician; that he must pos
sess an exquisitely sensitive and well
trained ear and steady hand and
nerve as well-Jessie X. Macdonald
in st. Nicholas.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
A Way to Wealth,

Upon one occasion the late Earl Pou-
lett, who, by the way, was a great
spendthrift, was paying his physician
and on handing the medical gentleman
400 guineas in gold asked him II be
knew how to grow rich. The doctor
replied in the negative, and the earl
advised him never to pay an account
by check, but always in coin, "for," he
added, 'the more you look at your
money the less inclined you will be to
part with it."
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Victim of Circumstances.

'That Englishman is a funny chap"
remarked the hat salesman in the big
hotel; "he hasn't been out of his room
today"
"No; he Is victim of circumstances"
confided the coffee salesman.
"Victim Of circumstances"
Eyes; he put his shoes outside his
door last night, according to the Eng
lish custom, and somebody threw them
ut q cat down the areaway."-Chicago
News.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
A Rude Youth.

"How do you account for this,
ma'am" And he held aloft lump Of
coal which he had just dug out from
the sirloin steak.
The landlady slightly flushed.
Il suppose the poor cows sometimes
stray along the railroad track" she
said. "But you must admit the steak
is tender"
He thumped the coal with his knife.
eyes," he said harshly, locomotive
tender"
And the meal progressed in silence.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
At Close Range.

"Who is that neglected looking little
boy with dirt over his face?"
"He is the child of the noted astron-
omer who lives over the way"
"Oh. is he? Come here, sonny. Run
home and tell your father he doesn't
need his telescope If he wants to see
spots on the son."-Baltimore Ameri-
can
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Condemnation.

''What do you think Of members Of
European arist0cracy as sons-in-law"
asked the old time friend.
'Well," answered Mr.. Cumrox, 'the
way their relatives boss them around
Indicates that they ought to make easy
husbands. s."-Washington Star.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
ExEcUTR1x's NOTICE.

Estate of John Damore, late of Reynolds
vile Borough. Deceased.
Notice is hereby given that letters
testamentary on the estate of John
Damore. late of Reynoldsville borough,
Jefferson county, Pa, have been granted to
debted to said estate are requested to make
payment. and those having claims or de-
mands will make known the same without
delay. ROSE DAMORE,
Executrix.
Reynoldsville. Pa. Il :
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Concrete,

Concrete itself is, of course, very
old. The concrete stairs Of Colchester
and Rochester castles still show the
marks of the incasing boards. The
dome Of Agrippa's pantheon, which is
142 feet in diameter, is Of concrete,
and fragments Of concrete buildings
are found in Mexico and Peru.-Lon-
don Spectator.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
His Mean Comment,

Wife Geading)-Here's the adver-,.
tisement Of a matrimonial agency Of
fering to supply any man with a wife
for guinea.
Husband-Oh, Of course; it costs less
to get into trouble than 1t does to get
out again.-London Scraps. n
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
His Trouble,

Friend-Don't worry because your
sweetheart has turned you down since
you lost your money. There are as
good fish in the sea as ever were
caught. Tilted One-Yes, but I've lost
my bait-Harper's Bazaar.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Rebuke.

A chill, dark, autumnal morning. A
breakfast table with an overcrowded
tribe of clamorous children. A wor-
ried mother and an irritable father
muttering something about "no decent
elbow ROOM" A small child uplifts
solemn eyes from his plate and says,
Hadn't one Of US better dieT-Lon-
don Academy.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Cheered Him Up.

The prisoner was downcast.
"Cheer up" said his lawyer. "Pve
got jury Of twelve men too stupid to
find out that you're guilty."
Naturally the client took a more
hopeful view.-Philadelphia Ledger.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Too General,

Little Eph-Mammy, who was We
mus? Mammy-Fo' de laws sake, 1
knows SO many venuses-venus JON
sing, Venus Smiff-an', look heah,
chile, You mus be mo- splicit!-New
York Journal.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Wealthy Poverty.

There are still many houses in the
country in England where the owners
are unconscious Of the fact that, while
they themselves are apparently poor,
they possess fortunes in furniture and
pictures Town and Country.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
The Doctors Orders.

Mrs. O'Harrigan-Phoy have ye stuck
this empty flask under tn baby? Mrs.
Carey-Th' Doctors ordthers. He told
me ORD have to keep tn baby on
bottle!-Judge.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Thu Idiotic Affair,

Irate Parent-Am / to understand
there is some idiotic AFFAIR between
you and that impecunious young ass,
Lord Bilaris? Fair Daughter (very
sweetly)-Only you, papaEIllustrated
Dfts
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Knew His Dad.

Teacher-Several Of your examples
in arithmetic are wrong, Johnny. Why
didn't you ask your father to help your
Johnny-'Cause / wasn't looking for
trouble, that's why.-Exchange.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

Every man who rises to any profess
sion must tread path more or less
bedewed by the tears Of those he
passes on his way.-Bayne.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
Ripe Old Aue.

Little Willie-Say, pa, what is ripe
old age? Pa-It's the age, my son. at
which a man is willing to admit that
he's not the only dried apple in the
Chicago News.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21
For Good.

Il never seems to occur to persons
who are getting married that they
ought to take each other for, good AZ
well as for better or worse.- .-Philadel-
nhia Record.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

Not to outshine. but to Shine upon.
his neighbors is the successful mans
mission.-Towne.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

There is not single moment In life|
that we can AFFORD to lose.-G Goulburn.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

The tears Of a penitent are the wine
Of angels BERNARD.
The star. (Reynoldsville, Pa.) 1892-1946, 1909-04-21

Ifyou have anything to sell, try
our Want Column.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1909-11-04
FAIRGROUNDS ARE PRAISED.
Expert Thinks One at Georgetown
Hard to Beat

The Georgetown Fairgrounds. opened
last Saturday. came in for high praise
yesterday afternoon from Joseph C.
Astredo of the San Francisco playgroun
commission, who is making tour Of in
SpcctiOn TO different cities of the country.
Mr.. AStredo arrived i'm Washington yes
terday. He Immediately proceeded TO
visit the Fairgrounds in different sections
of the city under the guidance OF IA
Washington official.
washington has reason FOR feeling
exceptionally proud of her Fairgrounds.
and especially at Georgetown" said the
westerner. Il don't believe ii can be
equaled anywhere.
The commissioners must he conSratu-
lated OH the wonderful work they have
accomplished. 1t is remarkable to me
that, with the small appropriation at
their disposal for this purpose, the Com
missionerS have been able to do so much.
What city spends in Fairgrounds
it will, in the future, save by the de
creased number of inmates it. will have
to keep in its prisons. The fact that an
improvement of the child Will develop
him into a better citizen and decrease
the amount of crime is often overlooked.
People seem to think that Fairgrounds
are constantly using up money without
returns but this is not so.