davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
ALITTLE NONSENSE.
As Ne IorRNEY.

A wad OF wealth we think We spy;
To grab that wad we quickly Try.
Alack a-deyi
In vain we exercise our stealth,
For suddenly that wad Of wealth
Is jerked away.
In peevish mood we note hat
And instantly we launch at that
A vicious kick.
The effort adds unto our woes;
We only jar our tender toes
Against a brick.
Thus bafiled at our every turn
BY sad experience We learn
IN painful schools.
While Life. the joker, stands alar
And says derislvely we are
But April fools.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
A Sensible Course.

From the Philadelphia Record.
The union miners In the anthracite
region have shown both good sense and
good generalshlp in determining not TO
quit work as a means Of argument in at
tempting TO force acceptance Of their de-
mands upon their employers They can
not afford 10 throw away an advantage
in hand IN order to procure an advantage
in the bush"
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

The Swiss government is considering
the idea Of outlawing Merry Widow
hats We do not blame the powers that
be at all for this The men Of Switzer-
land naturally object 20 being crowded
out into France. Germany. and Italy
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

A MASSACHUSETTS man claims 20 have in
vented "a machine by the use OF which
any misstatement or untruth may he abb
solutely determined" We are not quite
sure we know what he means. but We are
firm IN the belief that he does not mean a
political machine.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

You see. that outspoken and refresh
ingly frank manner Of saying things apro-
pos on occasions Is why so many West
Virginians know him by no other name
than that affectlonate and well-meant
steve
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

How do you humorists manage 10 con-
meet so many Jokes -
"Oh. there are hundreds of humorists
in this country, and every once in a
while one Of them has an idea"
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Since Mr.. WI objects 10 the band play
ing Dixie at banQuets he attends. ar
rangements should be made to have The
Heather Chinee" recited in it's stead
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Prom the wall Street Ioynal.
The market certain believes that when
the new tariff finally emerges. the amount
OF revision downward will not be large
enough TO exercise any real market in
nuence.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

We note. with polite regret. that the
Sultan Of Turkeys principal astrologer
is dead. AS you have doubtless sur
missed. he played quite star part in af-
fairs Of state in the Sultan's neighbor-
hood
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

This weeks Life has a picture Of a
man driving a team OF oxen from the
right side. Why do not artists cultivate
the sense OF observation" inquiries the
New York Mail And then draw the
man driving the team from the wrong
side7
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

.'I say rs unjust, declared The poet
How now, old mani"
Why does everybody think IL .sn't
safe 20 loan Il genius money"
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

behalf OF the people who ultimately must
pay ali the tariff freight. the free admls-
sion OF sassafras into this country, in
any and all circumstances. and at any
and all times its Introduction may be
sought. II there filters through our
minds an occasional idea the application
OF which TO material conditions may IN
cline TO lift the breaKfast-table burden
from the masses and shift il 20 the
classes. both the masses and the classes
may expect US 70 deliver ourselves OF
It publicly and unfalteringly. And right
now. in our philosophy. IS the psyche
logical moment to swing high the ban
ner Of free sassafres. and give notice Of
battle in case Congress hesitates 10 lend
ear 20 our desires. In fact. sassafras
on the free list might operate to relieve
the tariff bill Of many Payneful and
distressing ailments too numerous 10
mention. but existing, nevertheless
The only possible fly in this tempting
ointment. so TO speak. is the chance thar
the old-time do,tors are right. and that
sassafras enormously whets the appetite,
If that should prove true. behold a little
joker" as usual. and down would come
our beautiful and honestly-concelved cas-
ties in Spain.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Old King George of England tried TO
make this country pay a tax on tea
once. but we did not do IT, However. we
had quite an argument about IL before We
convinced him we meant business
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
sd. No. NInrrr.

A woman with a hub is pretty sure 81
grub and Of "a place 10 sleep; occasion
ally. dress. and that is all. I guess. Yet
women take the leap
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

has been highly honorsd by the King OF
Portugal. Naturally, the hOnoree IS
playing 1t up in the newspapers 10 beat
the band
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

The Richmond Dispatch brain
stormed the other day about "a clubbing
proposition between the Outlook, Tom
Watson's Magazine, the Commouer, and
la Foilette's Weekly" That would be
fine for people who like that sort OF
thing. Certainly. everything In creation
would more than likely be dubbed 90
frazzle at the hands Of that aggregation.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

"The little jokers cropping up day by
day como pretty near making il a tarin
forever new says the Springfield Union.
And vet those little jokers themselves
constitute an old story.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

reach his conclusion that the Federal
government would deal more justly with
railroads than the local politicians.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Dr. Eliot IS one American citizen. we
fancy. who admits that some arter-dinner
speeches are right up 10 the mark
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
Reform I'm africo

From tie Denver Republican
So far from dreading the tsetse fy. no
doubt Mr.. Roosevelt intends 20 make the
African pest simplify the spelling OF its
name.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

The Allentown Democrat. under the
editorial guidance Of MIR Charles W
Weiser. known 10 the elect only as "Fud"
Weiser. is very welcome to our sancti-n.
II has the sparkle and go one wGuld
naturally expect in the circumstances Of
its rejuvenated and rehabilitated condi-
tion. Long may IL wave.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Every little bit Uncle Andy" Carnegie
takes advantage Of the era Of good feel
ing and hands some king a diplodoccus
or So
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

There are rumors that the Gatun Dam
construction has executed another slide
but just a little, tiny bit OF a slide, We
presume.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

There is one man in this world who VIII
be thoroughly disgusted. not to say down
right sore. II the Sob Squad gets on that
African trail. and the first letter OF his
name is Theodore Roosevelt
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
MereIr Thai.

From ;he Dallas News
kissing Is merely putting this and that
together and creating an explosion
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

II is but just to say in behalf OF our
sweet modest Washington girls that they
are not suffering with that quality Of
bighead their hats would seem 10 some
people 10 indicate
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Mr.. Champ" Clark used 20 be "a col
lege professor. Doubtless those obstrep-
erous insurgents in the Democratic House
minority remind him Of "A bunch of soph-
omores more than anything else he can
think Of
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01
Thai Accounts for NJ.
The HumoriSts Notwithstandi

sassy?"
Every one OF them has a big brother
The HumOriSts Notwithstanding.
Chorus girls are mostly young.
Many a woman with a number four foot
calls FOR a number four shoe
There hasn't been a bootjack thrown al
a cat for hfty years.
Some of the Shakespeare clubs discuss
Shakespeare. and not the neighbOrs.
Women occasionally carry money In
their purses in addition 70 clipped poetry
and dress samples
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Well It is hard TO get the right angle
in Tennessee politics nowadays. we sus-
pect The Nashville Tennessean insists
THAI Gov. Pattersons future is an in
the past. while the American insists that
his real career is just opening up.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

We fear a number Of heads viii be
cracked. incidentally. as the breaking OF
the solid South" progresses.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

"Ex-Crown Prince" is the most becom-
nG title that George Of Servia ever wore.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Never in my life have I deceived my
wife"
Same here Mine only pretends 70 be-
lieye the yarns j teU.''
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Congressman Edwards Of Georgia.
thinks his salary is $500 year too
much. And who are we 20 dispute g.?
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

This 'Salome' dance is merely vice
wearing Unblushingly the cloak OF the
devil says an Indiana preacher. Well.
considering the climatic conditions Of the
Old Nick's headquarters. we hardly blame
him for affecting such a cloak.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Nothing in the world so thrills the pa
citizen as a planked star-spangled shad
accompanied by a roe chaser. They are
in our midst extensively nowadays, too.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

Kidnapping is mans job says
Pat Grove He being. al course. a
high authority on man and manhood
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

In the spring Young mans fancy
lightly turns TO thoughts of love And
doctors say. perhaps % vex us. that
that involves his solar plexus.
The Washington herald., 1909-04-01

The Elusive POrkctbOOk.
To get rich quick, YOU may espy
A chance to-day
But on such chances don't rely;
They seldom pay.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27

Carrette holds a good position at the
Inland steel in that city.
John shannon of Alt Pine street.
Hammond, VIII move back to Whiting
and reside at 440 John street.
Mr.. and Mrs. Hurley of New York
avenue have moved to Gary.
Mr.. and Mrs. Edward Gillian and
family left today for Dublin. Ind. where
they will reside. Mr.. Gillian has been
a cement contractor in this city for
several years, and his mission in Dub
lin is building roads.
The tar pot on Fischrupp avenue
caught fire on Saturday and caused
quite stir for the time being. Two
workmen narrowly escaped being burn
ed, but the conhagration was soon ex-
tinguished by the fire departments
chemical engine.
Mr.. and Mrs. Charles Cole enter
tanned Mr. and Mrs. Ed. Gillian and
family over Sunday.
Miss Rose Kunz visited with friends
in South Chicago on Saturday.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
LOWELL.

Ephram Modlin and Irwin Huebsch.
living northeast of Lowell, the former
had three cattle and the latter one
killed by lightning during the storm
Friday night
Mr. and Mrs. Harry McFadden of
Hammond visited relatives in Lowell
over Sunday.
Howard slocumb met with an acct
dent Saturday that will lay him off
from work for several days. He, with
his workmen are building a bridge
south of Lowell, and while working
with a jackscrew when in some the
pressure Of a timber flew loose, strik-
ing Howard in the mouth. fracturing
several of his teeth and otherwise
bruising his face. He was brought home
to doctor, and while he is up and
around he feels pretty lame and sore.
and his face is swollen quite badly
Word is received here from Attica.
Ind, announcing the birth of nine
pound girl to Mr.. and Mrs. Dennis
Buckley and Grandpa William Buck
ley of Lowell is correspondingly happy
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
EAST CHICAGO AND
INDIANA HARBOR
INDIANA HARBOR.

Mrs. T. NJ. c. Hembroff arrived home
from Denver. Colo Saturday, bringing
her aunt, Miss Eliza Sheppard of
Chillicothe, Mo. with her. Mrs. Hem
broff brought the good news that her
daughter. Miss Dixie was much i'm
proved. and is now sitting up every
day. She is in the oaks home, a sana-
tarium in Denver.
Next Wednesday the directors of the
Commercial club will be the guests
of John R. Farovid at luncheon, given
in the South Bay hotel at IL o'clock.
Club business of importance will come
up for discussion.
The Carpenters local union No. 1.S17,
of Indiana Harbor Will give dance
at the Auditorium, Oct. 9th. The mem
bers of the union are making elaborate
preparations for the event.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. B. sax and baby cele-
brated the holiday Saturday in Chi
cago. the guests of Mrs. Sax's sister,
Mrs p. L. Cohen.
Harry Miesse of Indianapolis was in
towr Saturday on political business.
Mrs. Mortimer of Chicago and Miss
Garvey of Gary were the guests Of
Mrs. J. P. Doherty Saturday.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
EAST CHICAGO

Mrs. J. e. O'Neil, who has been i'll
at her home for several days past.
was removed Sunday evening to St.
Margaret's hospital Hammond.
Mr.. and Mrs John D. Williams spent
yesterday afternoon and evening in
Chicago
John Rajchinez is building a two
story brick residence on Chicago ave
nue.. between Olcott and Todd avenues.
The house will have FIVE rooms down
stairs and six up and will be equipped
with all modern improvements. The
front will be of white enamel brick.
Contractor Lawrence Steffel is doing
the work.
Miss Zelman Rayher Of Rensselaer,
and Miss Katherine Powers of Aldine
Square, Chicago, arrived Saturday aft
ernoon to be the guests of Miss Lottie
Ross over Sunday.
Mrs. II. X Groves is spending the
day with friends in Chicago.
Messrs. James and William Audman.
who are working in Joliet, Ill, spent
Saturday and Sunday with their fami-
lies here.
Mrs. Harvey Phillips of Beacon street,
while improving after her attack of
Iumbago, is still too i'll to get about
much.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
A COMMON ERROR
The Same Mistake Is Made By Many
Hammond People.

It's a common error
To plaster the aching back,
To rub with liniments rheumatic
Joints.
when the trouble comes from the
kidneys.
Doan's kidney Pii:s cure all kidney
Ills.
Here is convincing proof
A II. Smith, ex-police sergeant, East
Chicago, Ind. says: For years I suf-
fered from kidney complaint in a bad
form. no doubt brought on by being
on my feet constantly and being ex-
posed to the weather I had the most
severe pains. extending from my kid
neys throughout my body and the
trouble was always aggravated il
walked more than usual AT such times
went home at the close of my days
duties In a completely worn out con-
dition. Ny back became weak and my
kidneys disordered, the secretions con-
tanning a large amount OF sediment
and the passages being too frequent
and painful occasionally had severe
headaches. and this, combined with the
constant strain on my nervous sys-
tenn. reduced my vitality. I had a poor
appetite and consequently lost weight
and strength. After retiring at night
I was forced to use hot applications to
insure any rest at all. 1 tried several
well-knuown remedies, advertised to
cure kidney complaint, but they seemed
to aggravate the trouble rather than
give relief. A brother officer who had
used Doan's Kidney Pills with good re-
suits finally advised me to take them.
I did so and in a short time I felt their
beneficial effects. I continued their
use and the fourth night / was not
obliged to get UP at all This was the
best rest had had for many years I
gradually grew better and before long
was free from kidney trouble I am
happy to say that I have not had
the slightest SYMPTOM of an attack
| since"
For sale, by all dealers. Price SO
cents. Foster Milburn Co. Buffalo
New York. sole agents for the United
States.t
Remember the name - Doan's - and
take ne othe<s
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
The Farmers Wife

Is very careful about her churn. She
scalds it thoroughly after using, and gives
it sun bath to sweeten it. She knows
that if her churn is sour it will faint the
butter that is made in 1t. The stomach Is
churn. In the stomach and digestive
and nutritive tracts are performed pro-
cesses which are almost exactly like the
churning of butter. Is it not apparent
then that If this stomach-churn Is foul 1t
makes foul all which is put into it2
The evil of a foul stomach Is not alone
the bad taste in the mouth and the foul
breath caused by it, but the corruption Of
the pure current of blood and the dissem-
ination Of disease throughout the body.
DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery
makes the sour and foul stomach sweet.
1t does for the stomach what the washing
and sun bath do for the churn-absolutely
removes every tainting or corrupting ele-
ment. In this way it cures blotches,
pimples, eruptons, scrofulous swellngs,
sores, or open eating ulcers and all
humors or diseases arising from bad blood.
If you have bitter, nasty, foul taste in
your mouth, coated tongue, foul breath,
are weak and easily tired, feel depressed
and respondent, have frequent headaches,
dizzy attacks, gnawing or distress in stom-
ach, constipated or irregular bowels, sour
or bitter risings after eating and poor
appetite, these symptoms, or any consider
able number of them, indicate that you are
suffering from biliousneSS, torpid or lazy
liver with the usual accompanying indi-
gestion, or dyspepsia and their attendant
arrangements.
The best agents known to medical SCI
ence for the cure of the above symptoms
and conditions, as attested by the writings
of leading teachers and practitioners of
all the several schools of medical practice,
have been skillfully and harmoniouslY
combined In DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery. That this is absolutely true
will be readily proven to your satisfaction
| If you will but mail a postal card request
to DR.. r. v. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y, for a
| free copy of his booklet of extracts from
| the standard medical authorities, giving
the names of all the ingredients entering
into his world-famed medicines and show
ing what the most eminent medical mer
| of the age say of them.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
ROBERTSDALE.

Rev. w H. Halmhuber received the
sad news Friday of the death of his
mother, which occurred at her late
home in Ebeneezer N. Y, Friday
morning. Mrs Halmhuber had been
suffering from heart trouble for nearly
a year and her death was not unex-
pected. Rev. Halmhuber left Saturday
morning for his home to attend the
funeral. The sympathy of his many
friends here is extended to him in his
bereavement
Mrs. R. F. Schaaf Of Indiana boule-
cago yesterday.
Henry Eggers of Roberts avenue was
in Hammond on business yesterday.
Mrs Elliott Aman entertained her
mother, Mrs Smith. and sister. Mrs. Ed
munds of South Chicago, at her home
yesterday.
Get your old boilers and tin pans
ready for this evening. The wedding
of Miss Clara Kreoker and John Far
ley of Whiting will take place at the
home Of the bride in Indiana boulevard
at 1880 o'clock.
Mrs Merle Gardner and Mrs. Chas.
Flaugher were Hammond visitors yes
terday.
Edward Schottler, republican candi-
date for city judge of Hammond, was
here on political business Saturday.
Mrs Quantz entertained friends from
East Side at her home in Harrison av-
enue Friday.
Miss Nettie Horlbeck of Indiana
boulevard spent the day visiting friends
in Hammond.
Mrs. f. Radloff of Harrison avenue
visited friends in Chicago yesterday.
John Hunter is able to be out again
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27

after being confined to his home IN In
diana boulevard by illness.
Mr. and Mrs. John Plau entertained
a few trends at their home in Har-
rison avenue Saturday evening. A
pleasant evening was spent in playing
pedro, after which a luncheon was
served.
Erwin Hanson of Roberts avenue was
a South Chicago business visitor Sat
urday
The members OF the Marquette Ped
70 club were entertained Friday after
noon at the home of Mrs. John Blaul
in Roberts avenue. Several games Of
pedro were played, and the honors
awarded to Mesdames A. Stress, M.
Buehler and F. Buehler. At the close
OF the games dainty refreshments were
served.
Mrs. C. w. Johnson OF Indiana boule-
ward spent the week end in Blue ISL
and. ILL.,, visiting relatives.
Mrs. Henry Shaider, who has been
confined to her home in Indiana boule-
ward for a number of weeks. is i'm
proving slowly
A bright baby boy arrived at the
home Of Mr.. and Mrs. William Eggers
in Indiana boulevard Saturday morn
ing. VIII hasn't stopped smiling since
the little ones arrival, and the side
walks are half wide enough for him
these last couple of days, the people
are thinking seriously OF having them
widened so he will have plenty OF room
when he walks down the street
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
SOUTH CHICAGO NEWS

Joseph Taeger, manager of Cookies
Brewing company's local branch and
president of the South Chicago Team
sters union died at the St. Demands
hospital at 4:s0 o'clock Friday after
noon of hemorrhages, from which he
has suffered for some time. He leaves
a wife and five children to mourn his
loss. The funeral took place this morn
ing from his late residence to st. Pat
rick's church. He was inferred at
Mount Olivet cemetery. A large edle-
cation of teamsters from the local I'M
Jon were in attendance at the funeral.
The Calumet NJ E. church, Niney-
third strete and Paxton avenue. was
re-dedicated yesterday in the presence
of 1900 people, who crowded into the
pretty little church, which has been
just re-modeled at cost of 81, 500. The
Rev. c. NJ Edmondson, who has been
pastor of the church for the past year
has done everything in his power to
enlarge the church. and finally enough
money was raised to enlarge it. The
church board, which has been working
in conjunction with Rev. Edmondson
are: E. S. Banker, president; Peter
PauIey. secretary; ". B. Chapel. John
Roesch. E. Pease, George Borget, Hor-
ace Buyes, F. X Schaefer Charles
Church. The Ladies' Aid society of the
church, who are important factors in
the rebuilding, are: Mrs. E. C. Pease
president Mrs Craig, vice president
Mrs. Hairland. secretary; Mrs. w. j
Wright, assistant secretary; Mrs. P
Williams, secretary
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
HOBART.

Miss Lillian Winters of Chicago spent
Sunday at the Rose residence.
Miss Edith Wood visited over Sum
day with friends at Michigan City.
Mrs. Cohen of Chicago spent Sunday
with her uncle Ed. O'Dell, and family.
The H B. rs had big time Sat
urday evening. At o'clock a course
dinner was served, Miss Ruth Bullock
acting as hostess, after which they
went to the show at STATIONS Opera
House.
Mrs Hazel LOCKER visited relatives
in Chicago over Saturday and Sunday.
A class of twenty two was confirmed
this morning at the Catholic church.
Bishop Alderling of Fort Wayne, Ind.
officiating. Father Jansen Of Gary said
the mass.
Mrs. A. Miller visited her parents in
Wanatah over Sunday.
Arthur Newman returned Saturday
from ryest Baden.
John Schmidt moved into their new
home on Center street.
Dwight Mackey spent Sunday with
his parents, returning to Joliet, ILL.,,
on Monday.
The Lake County times. [volume] (Hammond, Ind.) 1906-1933, 1909-09-27
DYER.

Mrs. AL Romer of Ceclina, O., is Wis
iting with her parents. Mr.. and Mrs.
George ]. Baker at present.
Rev Joseph Flach left for Scherer-
Vile Sunday afternoon to assist Rev.
William Berg during the forty-hour de-
votion services.
Mat Schlachter of Chicago spent Sun
day with relatives out here.
Frank Becker and family of Crown
Point visited at the home Of John Hoff-
man and family Sunday.
After a several weeks visit with her
sister at Celina, o.. Miss Florence Bak-
er returned to Dyer Saturday.
The Sacred Heart court, w. c. o. F..
held its regular meeting Sunday after
noon.
Mr. and Mrs. Charles Stommel OF
Hammond. formerly of this place, were
here yesterday to visit friends and rel
atives
Bernard ANDRE of Gary spent Sunday
here the guest of his parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. Mat ANDRE.
Jacob Schmitt spent Saturday at
Crown Point, looking after some bust
ness matters