The Marion daily mirror. (Marion, Ohio) 1892-1912, 1909-01-30

jump. she wouldn't even show aglta.
tion. On the contrary, she would
carelessly observe:
"'Only dead sheep, eh? Say Shad,
you Orter have been with me at Bar
nuns circus. l saw n feller turn som
ersaults over six elephants In row,
and he never teched hair Of any of
EN-
"And then, after a sad and sorrow
ful look at her, Shad would return to
his plow or hoe and have tears In his
eyes all the rest of the day. Being
brought up around here and a good
deal by himself, he was used to put.
ting his knife in his mouth, drinking
from his sasser and licking his plate TO
get the last of good dinner. When
ever be did those things after mar
rlage his wife would cry out at him
and slleer him half to death and then
tell Of dinner she ate in restaurant
on the Bowery where a man was
thrown outdoors for even wlping his
forehead with his table napkin. Inside
Of three months she had poor Shad so
skeered that he'd sooner go hungry
than to sit down at table with her.
When they had company he'd plead
collie or toothache and 60 out and eat
turnips by hissef
81 amt got nothing to say either for
or agin what they calls grammar.
While I never fooled around with 1t,
s'pose it's all right for them as want
It. Shad never wanted It. In fact, he
never heard of It until after he was
married. He Jest talked the English
language, same as his father had be
fore him, and let it go at that. His
oxen understood him, and nobody over
charged him at the store. However,
after marriage things were different
He couldn't talk FIVE minutes before
his wife would correct his grammar
and tell how properly the hackmen at
Niagara Falls spoke their pieces. At
first poor Shad took It as n joke, but
blmeby 1t begun to git on to his
nerves, and the day finally come when
he hardly dared to open his mouth in
his wife's presence. / was at the
house one day when he happened TO
say that the COW had went around the
corner of the barn. That seemed per.
fectly all right TO me, but the wife
said he must say gone and she kept
poking away until i had TO take him
outdoors to save him from breaking
down and weeping.
Couldn't Tell a Lie.
when l found out how things was
going l saw the remedy as well. II
was for Shad to lie and say that he
had been to Boston and Chicago, that
he had seen blacksnake thirty feet
long, that he had eaten mince pie with
the mayor OF Cincinnati, that he had
made two trips TO Yurup and was go
ing again and that he had seen the
king of England lick his plate and the
queen of Spain wipe the back of her
neck with corner of the tablecloth.
I'm telling you, friends and nayburs,
If he had follered my advice he
wouldn't be on his dying bed today,
but he couldn't tell a lie. He'd sooner
go on suffering than to do 1t. 1t was
golden opportunity, but he couldn't
rise TO 1t, and as a consequence the
coming Of tomorrow win bring us
news that he is with us no more.
There's no liver trouble about 1t. It's
simply that he's bore and bore and
bore till he's worn out. He's been
crushed down till he can't rally ag'in.
"The moral is plain. Marry, but
don't marry a gal or a widder woman
who knows a heap more'n you do. You
may argue that she'll keep her head
shet about II after marriage, but she
won't do II, Only an hour since, when
1 was calling at the house to bid poor
Shad last adieu, he dyingly said that
he wished he could have went out to
see the cows and hogs once more, and
the wife was there to reply:
'Shadrack, you don't wish you
could have went. but could have gone
Il hain't going TO say word agln
the wilder In a general way, cause
she's a good naybur, but IL there's
man among you who llcks his plate
after meal and who's signing to mar
ry woman that's seen Niagara falls
then my advice TO him is to go out be-
hind the barn and sit down and ponder
what have said here this evening""
M. QUAD.