The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1909-11-23
SHEAR "a
NONSENSE.

Mr.. De Bore-"The hours fly, when
/ am with you" Miss Tereleep-
We'll, that's one comfort. cleveland
Leader.
Green Golfer-"Why, did l knock it
in the hole, Caddie?" Caddie-"Yes-
sir; that last stroke when yer shut
yer eyes ON account Of the DUST
Puck.
Daughter-"Father, dear father,
won't you forgive John and me for
eloping?" Father, Dear Father
Yes. If you-er-elope again right
away."-Judge.
automobile?" Greene-"Oh, yes. 1t
stood perfectly still for forty-eight
minutes on the road today!"-Yonk-
ers Statesman
What plea can l offer for loving
herr" Well" responded a rival belle,
emotional insanity seems to be a
popular plea just now."-Louisville
Courier-J Journal
His friend (admiringly)-"Whe
did you get your wonderful knowledge
on social and economic subjects?"
The admired (proudly)-"From my
daughters graduation essay."-Judge.
Watching the Aeroplanes Flight
But fwhat poozles me, Tirince, is
fwhat the mischief kapes him up"
"Shure tbs little we know, Pat Healy,
Nv the tiirfic force O. gravitashun."-
Judge.
Mrs-"He said | reminded him of
Greek goddess" Mr.-"Huh!" Mrs.
What do l remind you OFF," Mr.
"Of every darned thing overlook
that you ask me to do."-Cleveland
Leader
Mrs. Chugwater-"J Josiah, this pa
per says Col. Fribbles is compelling
speaker What does that mean"
Mr.. Chugwater-'It means that he
compels you to go to sleep. I've heard
Fribbles. Chicago Tribune.
Foreign travel is very improving"
said the studious girl. Yes" answer
ed Miss Cayenne, although you can't
always tell whore a person has been
by the pictures on the post cards he
sends home. Washington Star.
Harker--"I met Smythe a week aft
er he had faced the parson and he de-
clared that he had married his IDEAL"
Parker-"Well?' Harker-"A year
later he confessed his mistake-said
1T was his ordeal instead of his ideal
he had married."-Chicago Daily
News.
Young man." said the stern par
ent, when l was your age l had to
work for a living" We'll, sir" an
Swered Che frIyolously inclined youth
I'm not TO blame for that. | have
always disapproved of my grandfath-
er's attitude in the matter. Washing
ton Star.
Kean Kemble-"Have you seen my
Hamlet, me boy?' Scribb-'I am glad
to hear you characterize it in that
way Kean Kemble-"What do you
mean?" Scrlbb-'I am glad to hear
you call it your Hamlet | knew it
wasn't Shakespeare's - Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Little Pat-"Pa, tn pa-aper do be
sayin' Among tn prizes of tn mu-
seem election ARE number av
uniques.' What's a Unique. / dunno p"
Big Pat-"A Unique is an English
baste, bad cess to it, wild only wan
horn. Yen not go to tn exhibishunl"
Cleveland Leader.
What will your mother say to YOU
when you get homer" said one boy.
She'll start in by asking me some
Hypothetical questions" answered
precocious Willie. What are they?"
questions that she thinks she knows
the answers to before she starts to
talk Washington Star.
1T is nearly six months now since
have tasted meat" ION diet.
eh?' Yes" Have you noticed any
change in your condition." q should
say / have. I've been able to pay up
nearly all my old debts. In another
month I'll be absolutely independ.
ent"-Chicago RecordHerald