davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
In Little Old New York
BY NORMAN

NEW YORK, Oct 6.-That is an
old, old joke about the chorus girl
who is grandmother. But the
chorus girl who is a grandmother
is no joke to the managers Of the
Yiddish thoaters on New YOrk's
lower east side.
She Is a grim, horrible reality to
them. They have to hire her, and
pay her. They do not have to let
her go on the stage, but she must
be employed and paid. The union
so DEGREES, and the union dictates
its terms to the managers of the
Yiddish theaters.
AS a result of the unions de-
mands, one theater has been given
over to moving pictures this fall,
and others may be. These are the
terms imposed by the actors upon
the managers:
Each manager must employ ID
actors who are members of the
union; IA chorus people. members
of the union; nine musicians, men,
bers of the Musical club. affiliated
with the Actors union; 10 ushers
Of the union, four billposters, three
dressers and two assistant dress
ers, all members of the union.
1t matters not what sort of a
theater the manager has, or what
sort of show he Is producing, i'll
these people must be on his weekly
pay roll. He may produce "The
Climax" with it's four characters,
in Yiddish. He must employ IA ac-
tors, IA chorus people. three dress.
ers and two assistant dressers.
These Things He Must Do.
He may prefer to run his theater
without an orchestra, a sDavid Bel
asco does the Belasco theater. 1t
matters not. He must employ nine
musicians. He may prefer news
paper advertising to bill boards
(the managers do, by the way, but
he must nevertheless employ four
bill posters. And what is more, he
must supply them with posters and
boards to stick them on.
Nor may the manager pick his
actors, his chorus, his musicians or
his bill posters. He must take what
the union gives him. And therein
lies the ghatsly reality OF the cho-
rus girl joke. David Kessler, owner
of the Thalia theater. did not laugh
at all when he commented on this
situation.
II have been an actor in this
country for 23 years" he said, "and
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

blows the bungalows are yanked to
the protected side of the big barns.
It's hard to say what the expert
mentors would do in case a mon
soon strikes the place. Monsoons,
you know, travel in circles.
When he concludes his expert
ments, DR.. Forbes is going to tell
the farmers how to get results.
When he is through lecturing every
farmer can raise a bunch of brainy
pigs for circus, or big boned pigs,
Or just everyday hefty ones, with
brain power added.
DR.. Forbes theory is that a pig
fed upon a certain food will show
the same effect in the person eat
ing the meat. For instance, feed a
pig bone making food and the indi-
kidual who eats the pork will bene-
Fit in the same manner, in lesser
tegree.
What's good for pigs is good for
man." is the Forbes theory. in a
few words.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
BY FRED SCHAEFER

Look. vonce, OSCAR, vot ISIS dot
inder sky vich resemblances a
vhisk broom?"
"DoDd incite yourseluf, Adolf.
Dot ISIS Halley's comic"
"Oh. ISIS i'd? Veil, he can hat i'd,
| don'd wish i'd"
How nice of you! But better
examine i'd closely"
How far away ISIS id?"
"Abouid dirty million miles,"
Dense idiot. den how can l OK
anime i'd closely? Say, subbose
odder scientifics ISIS Watching i'd
closely NIT DER telescopes?"
"Yees; und some NIT DER suid
cases, ha, ha, ha! Can you see i'd
NIT your naked eye?"
Barely"
well, den, will satisfy your GU
pidity. Peep drough diss tube und
see eff you can belief your ears"
"Ah-h-h! How i'd shines--like a
dead fish in der dark"
"Blease don'd make light of id /;
id ISIS already illuminadet. Yust
dink; i'd comes rOunt only vonce in
rs years"
Deere must be some mistake.
am only 40, tee-hee! Vot ISIS com
posed of i'd, eff l may ask such an
answer"
"Of nebulous matter-like your
brain. We will see i'd again In
1885"
DOT may bel expect to stick
arount for i'd. Bud vot l want to
know, does der comic vag der tail
or does der tail vag der comic?"
"Mushbean vot you are! Dot ISIS
shooting star. not sun dog. Id
refolfes und refOlfes und refolfes.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

one OF the chorus girls they made
me take this fall had been on the
stage two years before l appeared.
1t may sound very funny that the
grandchildren of our chorus girls
bring them to the theater and take
them home, but II Is not SO funny
when 1t is the flat truth and you
have to pay hose chorus girls sal
aries"
1t is Jacob Adler, who has re-
fused to open his theater, the
Grand, this fall, and who has an
nounced that the moving picture
people may have 1t. The Grand
was the largest and best known of
the Yiddish theaters. Adler's par
ticular trouble. which caused him
to throw up his hands, was with
the Musical club, affiliated with
the Actors union. This club picks
the members of managers or
chestra for him, thus saving him
much trouble.
What They Did to Adler.
Adler selected for his orchestra
leader one Shumshinsky of the.
Windsor theater orchestra. Shum-
shinsky Is member of the Mus
ical club, so was perfectly eligible
for the job. But the union decided
that Friedsel, formerly of the Peo-
pies theater orchestra, being an
older member of the y1nion, ought
to -ffave the position, and so in
formed Adler Whereupon Adler
decided not to open his house.
The Thalia and the Peoples the (,
aters are running. At the Thalia
Owner Kessler is starring Rachel
Kaminska, an actress he brought
from Warsaw. Another actress
came with her. and comedian. /,
The union is allowing them to ap.
pear, but they do not count In the|
number of people Kessles has to|
employ. In fact, Kessler says he is |
paying 20 actors and actresses al
together. because only few of the
IA the union assigned TO him are
good enough to use.
The Yiddish drama Is travelling a
rocky road. In Marcus and In Shu-
LENS the actors gather and be-
moan the closing of the Grand and
the importing of foreign stars
when home talent is on the pay rol
anyway: In Zeilten's the managers
meet and try to devise some plan
to make a little mohey that tho
union can't get hold OF.
And the grandma chorus girlf
just draw their nav.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

WOOSTER, O., Oct. 8.-They are
growing gray matter for pigs at the
state agricultural station here by
feediAg them brain food. DR.. E. B.
Forbes is in charge and is meeting
with success.
They put ordinary porkers on
Forbes brain food and in so days
they develop foreheads, from fast
growing cerebrum. There is dan
ger that some may become verit-
able high brOws.
The pigs upon which it takes"
show intelligence. They cease wal
lowing and gambol like lambs. A
$50 FOUNDER doing a gambol would
bring tears to the eyes of the
Sphinx.
BY preparing the food scientific
ally and by close observation and
post mOrtems, DR.. Forbes deter
mines just what benefit has been
derived by his charges. 1t is said
with all evidence of verify that
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

I Il see! A shooting star ISIS der
same as refolfer, ha, ha. hal"
Your giggling abouid shooting
stars gifes me shooting pain. Eff
Id v0ult nod be disgrace. to der
science of gastronomy voult make
| you eat,yOur vOrts. Understand, diss
stellar hobo ISIS rushing rount
drough der solar System"
Trying to liant on der solar
plexas. ain'd id?"
"Shut your mout. defunct clam
vot you are! l say, diss immense
| refugee from der Planetary junkpiie
ISIS rofing rOunt vile you are asleep
| dreaming of metzel soup, und Id
only kips from humping into der
| ART becoss der ART bass climbed q
| lamp post. Id ISIS a six cylinder
comet NIT detachable tires, und eff
one. of dem gets punctured i'd will
go skidding right into your bed
room und mushroom idseluf
against your fat breast bone like
Welsh rarebit."
"Ach, dot ISIS IMPOSSIBLE"
| "Why, dunce?"
''Becoss l hat mosquito netting
rount my bett."
by der way, dot beer trunk a
vile ago bass gone to my brain,
und now see two COMICS"
|, dot ISIS funny; trunk SO much
beer as you dit, und Id .hass nod
/ gone to my brain!"
we'll, dere ISIS r-r-reason for
dot--my brain works quicker as
yours. ha, ha. hal"
"Viggle. viggle, fiddle comic.
Drough der starry voidless
space;
You're marfel anatomic
Nit your tail grown to your
facai"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
PENCIL POINTS.

Spokaneites will be in danger next month of turning
into many great handsome red apples at the end of the
national apple show. The apples Of the northwest are
tempting enough to make yourself sick with eating too
many of them.
His Excellency the president of the United States
ingy did not consider the Inland Empire good sport
He did not inquire concerning Spokane's golf links
while here and at Hayden Lake he didn't glance to-
wards the golf club On the other hand he played golf at
Portland and talked golf in California.
just about two three weeks, and Halowe en will
b here And it's not very much longer before the pride
Of Mr. Turkey will be cut off, No vacancy will be created
n install him in office again, either.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
Press Humor Most Anything -Have ST.
MOST ANYTHING
Every millionaire dies
poor"

- ---------------
call our heroes big Bill" Ted
dy," or even just plai n"Bill."
When the Egyptian husband
tires of his wife he says Il divorce
thee, once, twice. thrice" which to
the wife sounds like going, going,
gone.
France is the first country to use
aluminium for money.
A woman in New York city slept
ga hours, and after the first four
hours she talked almostA continu-
ously. Some women couldn't have
waited four hours to begin talking.
The Countess Halter of Austria
sold her 100000 estate for $50;
and yet the Chicago police keep on
arresting people for trying to sell
the Masonic Temple for the same
amount.
The Roosevelt policies were, evil
IDENTIFY, tontine policies. There
was no extended or paid-up insur-
ance when they lapsed.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
TO KEEP AFTER BETTER
FREIGHT RATES

To still further aid in the fight
for reasonable rates for Spo-
kane's merchants, III. ID. Turnkey,
of the McClintock-T Turnkey Com
mission Co., and G. Fl. Jones OF
the Jones & Dillingham; firm OF
commission merchants, have both
accompanied Attorney H. M. Ste.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

phens to Seattle to attend the SEES
sion of the interstate commerce
commission there. H. M. Stephens
is counsel for the Spokane mer-
chants in their fight for terminal
rates.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
JOSH WIS., SAYS:

do you take this woman for
better or worse?"
Il do, jedge, l do. But ! hopes
we kin kinder strike an average
Washington Herald.
It's estimated 100000 people
saw the Hudson-Fulton naval pa
rade. indicating that New York
contains every bit of it's proper
proportion of rubbernecks.
If a soft answer turneth away
wrath, what was use dto "thrneth
away that fellow CLAWS?
Mr.. Brown crushing excitedly
into the room): Marie. Marie, in
telligence has just reached me-
Mrs. Brown Calmly interrupting
him): Well, thank heaven,
Henry.-Brooklyn Life.
It was Clay. THE Great Pa
cg-ctin acicthset. .S0Cc m cwp
cificator"; Webster. "The Great
Expounder"; Blaine, THE Plumed
Knikht." Now we are satisfied to
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

September 25th being the
54th anniversary of John
d. Rockefeller's getting a
job, a young man, imper-
cOpotip~ opo of tho upo,,,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
MAKING AN IMPRESSION

Nov that you have moved to
your new home. do you find the
next door neighbors friendly"
Eyes; they became very cordial
the moment they saw We had a
touring car seating seven"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

SAN FRANCISCO. - Alleging
that political capital was being
made of the second trial of Patrick
Calhoun. his attorneys asked for a
new trial
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
WARNING

mo, Alice" counsels the fond
mamma, you should not marry Mr..
Leftover. If you do you will re-
greet it."
"Why, mamma? Because he is
a widower?"
mot exactly. But he will not
make a good husband"
why, mamma! Everybody
knows that while his wife was
alive he was a shining model for
all the other husbands in town. He
never drank, smoked or swore; he
never stayed out late at night; he
never danced with anyone but her
he was simply perfect"
Il know, my child. And l want
to tell you that man who has
been held down that way during
his first marriage will know how
to dodge such rules the second
time"
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
THE SPOKANE PRESS EDITORIAL PAGE
LABOR NOTES

Bugs" Raymond. pitcher for the
New York National league team,
carries an honorable withdrawal
card from the Chicago Web Press
mems Union in his pocket. Otto
Deininger. center fielder of the
Philadelphia Nationals, is a men,
Der of the Boston Press Assistants
union. The same union also claims
as members William Wallace, out
fielder, Lynn, and Arthur Mccoy
ern, catcher, Brockton, in the New
England League, and Harry Calvin,
shortstop for the Atlanta, Southern
league.
Under a rule adopted by the
Oklahoma state board of public af-
fairs only union labor will be en-
ployed on all public buildings. No
contractor who is not willing to
stipulate that he will employ union
labor may bid on state work.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

OROVILLE.-Aided by their six
year-old daughter, Sheriff Club
buck effected a reconciliation be
tween Mr.. and Mrs NJ p. MADEIRA.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

Bert-You know what happened
to Lots wife, / suppose?
Gert--Yes; she looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt.
Bert-Well, I saw something to-
day that beat that.
Gert-NO?
Bert-Fact., A red nOsed man,
with a can in his hand. hurried
down the street. He looked over
his shoulder and turned into a
saloon.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

Residents of Mantle park section should follow the
ample of Union Park people, and sign petition for bet
terment of the street car service.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

TO MAIL SUBSCRIBERS-The your subscription
pres on A sddress label Of each When that date
subscription
name takes fom the list change of date the address
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
THERE WAS A REASON

why do they call him aS fly
cop?" u i
He covers his beat in an aero;
plane" ih
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
Arguments Piling Up for
Government by Commission

clty rs affairs are emphasized more and more
An corresponding degree the advantages which might
pc derived from the Des Mones form government are
Seen - ~
The councils action in granting switch franchise
the Northern Pacific resulted stated in The Press
last evening, in practically running solid row of nice
homes The council was prevented from granting such
franchise two ago. but sufficient number of prop
erty the city this time to make the pro-
testing petition bear weight.
Under the Des Moines plan such propositions can be
submitted to the people for vote They not depend
ent on the good humor of a council.
The Des Mones government centrazes affairs, and
places all the responsibility upon five menthe mayor
and four commissioners Their every act is known all
citizens and they directly responsible to the peo-
pie than the officials under Spokane present system
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

William Jennings Bryan will be the guest of the city of
Spokane tomorrow Although he is far from the pres
dency ever, and although he is still the simple Com
oner The Press willing to bet at odds that he gets fully
big reception when he speaks from the reviewing
stand President Taft received.
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
OSCAR UND ADOLF MAKE
OBSERVZNGS OF HALEY'S
COMIC; GREAT CHOY

Alzo, Dey Wonder Vedder Id
ISIS Wound Up Like q g.
Day Clock, or Doe Run
Nit q Cold-storeJc h Bat
tery,
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

AS more complications in
the city hall government
unfold before public gaze,
the evils of the present
form of administering the
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08
MIR. SKYGACK FROM MARS

the Wireless
Observations His Notebook
The Spokane press. [volume] (Spokane, Wash.) 1902-1939, 1909-10-08

call our heroes big Bill" Ted
dy," or even just plai n"Bill."
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
Clearing House Operations.

A clearing house is an agency estab.
lished by the banks of city to which
all checks drawn upon one city bank
and deposited in another are sent for
payment. Every morning there is a
clearance. or settlement. Of accounts
in which the checks deposited III each
bank and the checks drawn upon each
bank are separately summed up and
compared If there is more deposited
In bank than there is drawn upon II
the bank receives the difference. in
cash. II the reverse is the case the
bank pays the balance instead Of re-
ceiving it. The term clearance means
either the act of settlement or the
sum Of all the. checks presented for
payment. The amount of business
done by the clearing house is a pretty
sure index Of the general condition OF
business.-New York American.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
Three Great Books.

Pride goeth before a fall. according
to the proverb, but it often happens
that the fall does not take place as ex-
pected by the cynical observer. Mrs.
Benedict, for example. was very proud
of her daughters attainments at school
Mrs. Benedict herself had had little
schooling. but attempted to make up
for It by retailing Margaret's triumphs
to her friends.
One day the minister's wife was call
ing.
Eyes. ma'am." Mrs. Benedict said in
reply to question; Margaret is way
up in all her classes. I can tell you.
They've been reading Shakespeare
plays !atterly. and Maggie's buying
that little edition one by one SO she
can have It at home. She keeps them
up in her room. r
"IIet me see: she's read Hamlet and
there was two more-oh. yes, one Of
'em was Romeo and the other Juliet
Il enjoy hearing her do them out
+. loud. Mrs. Bradley Youths Compan-
ion.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
A LESSON IN LOGIC.
Lord Erskine's Way With q Ruffianly
Horse Beaten.

Lord Erskine's Way With . Ruffianly
Horse Beaten.
1t Is only within the memory Of liv-
ing man that legislation has under
taken to protect domestic animals from
the cruelty of their owners. Owner
ship was held to be absolute by most
but there was one man in England q
hundred years ago who could demon
strate the untenable nature of this
theory. This man was Thomas Err.
skine. one Of the greatest lawyers and
advocates Of his age. A tradition sur
wives at Hampstead. the residence of
Lord Erskine. which Charles G. Har
per has put into his book. Rural
Nooks Round London" and which
shows how this legal authority would
have administered more recent laws.
1t is related that the celebrated Lord
Erskine. walking one day on Hamp.
stead heath. saw a rufhanly driver
shamefully thrashing miserably III
cared for horse.
My lord demonstrated with the driver
on the cruelty of it. whereupon the
fellow retorted: Its my own. Mayn't
use it as please?" Then he started
whacking the wretched animal worse
than ever.
Erskine. greatly annoyed. laid his
walking stick over the shoulders Of the
offender. who. erouching and grunl-
bling. asked my lord-this Is the draw.
ing room version. not verbatim re.
port, which would read rather differ.
ently-what business he had to touch
him with the stick.
why" said Erskine, 1.-THE sticks
my own. Mayn't use it as please?''
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
pouhtfuI compIiment,.

The colonel who. taking his leave at
q garden party, inquiries. "Have had
the pleasure Of saying goodby to you.
Miss Nary the hostess sweetly as.
suring distinguished pianist who has
risen abruptly from the instrument
with q sarcastic protest lest he should
disturb the conversation that he does
not do 50 at all: the, young man who.
on being told that possible rival had
taken the lady who Il speaking In to
dinner the previous evening. declares
that that's all he's at these are
decided instances Of this class Of bad
compliment. while for a well meant but
lukewarm, one poor Newman Noggs'
reply to the collectors query. respect
ing the Kenwigs' new baby. that It
wasn't very nasty one. may be cited.
London Academy.
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
A TENNYsoN STORY.

The Poets Mistake and the Way Hs
rendered an Apology.
England's great poet Tennyson was
q somewhat gruff and formidable man.
whose manner with curious strangers
was by no means gentle and pleasant
Once young woman who had been
Just introduced to the great man al
Freshwater was left alone with him
on the seashore. She stood in immense
awe of, the poet and therefore did not
interrupt him as he sat speechless
gazing straight ahead Of him at the
sea.
The long silence was broken at last
in an astonishing manner by Tenny.
son. He was going to open his lips and
utter some lovely thought, the youn.
woman imagined. Instead. he opened
them and in gruff and gloomy tones
gave voice to this remark:
y "You- creak." ~
The girl started back in horror.
Tennyson added an explanation:
"You creak. Your stays creak."
This so startled the young woman
that she ran away and went indoors.
where large company. she found,
was gathered together over tea. In a
little time Tennyson appeared. vague
expression on his countenance. rs
though something had gone wrong
with him. The girl. now accounting
him possibly mad and certainly impo.
lite. tried hard to hide away from him.
In vain. His eagle eye found her out
He threaded his way among the other
guests toward her, took her hand and
said in resonant tones before the whole
company of them:
"My dear. beg your pardon. I find
It was my braces"
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
AQuarterof q Million People
are Making Money with
TIE
oLIvER
TypsMritsi

The Oliver Typewriter Is . money.
maker, right from the 1U0rd go
SO easy to run that beginners soon get
in the expert class. Earn as you
learn. Let the machine pay the II
cents a d0y-and all above that is
Wherever you are there is work to be-
done and money to be made by5usin0 the
Oliver. The business world is cllltnR
for Oliver operators. There are nod
enough to supply the demand. Their
salaries are considerably above those Of
many classes Of workers. b
ian Oliver 10 Every Home
That is our battle cry today. We
have made the Oliver supreme in use
fulness and absolutely indispensable in
business. Now comes the conquest Of
the home.
The simplicity and strength Of the Oil
yer typewriter at it for family use. It
is becoming an important factor in the
home training Of the young people. An
educator as we'll rs money maker.
Our new selling plan.puts the; Oliver
on the threshold Of every homo Ia Am
erica. Will you close the door sof your
homo or Office on this remarkable Oliver
opportunity. ,...;l. 3S;;s3
Write for further details o. our seasy
offer and free copy q the new catalog,
Adrss
| Oliver ! J ype'vrltesr! 4 Comp sny'
4 4 - st. sostl
4 SS1 55 lllnnsapsl :. n
The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1909-10-22
A Ravarian Apple Pie.

One Of the most delicious ways to
use apples in cookery is in Bavarian
pie: Line a deep dish with pastry Fill
It with breadcrumbs and bake 1t until
the pastry is done. Then remove the
crumbs and fill the cavity with chop
ped apples and nuts and some stoned
raisins. Sweeten with sugar and flavor
with nutmeg and cinnamon. Sprinkle
with cake crumbs and bake TIL It Is
brown on top and the fruit within Il
thoroughly cooked. Spread over the
top lemon favored mertnsue and let
Il become light brown n the oven.
Set the pie away to cool before serv-
1ng.-New York Tribune.