The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1909-11-12
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uOClUI. AllCs
Ibid your new chauffeur turn out
all right?" mo; that's why he's In
the hospital. Puck.
waiter, has this steak been cook
ed?" Eyes, sir, by electricity" "Well,5
take 1t back and give 1t another
shock"
why did you tip that boy SO hand
somely for handing you your coat?
did you see the coat he gave met
Taller.
when she hit him with the golf
ball, did 1t knock him senselessY
guess so. understand they are soon
to marry"
Pat-An' phwat the devil is cha I
fin'-dish? Mike-Whist! Uts fryin-
pan that's got into society.-Boston /
Transcript.
"Our train hit a bear on the way
down" "Was the bear on the track!
mo; the train had to go into the
woods after him.
Bacon-I understand some OF your
hens have stopped laying? Egbert-'
Two of them have. what's the
cause?" Automobile"
Little Ella-I am never going to Hol-
land, when grow up. Governess-
Why not? "'Cause our geography says
it's a low lying country"
Ikey-vat is a promoter? Father Oh
Ikea promoter is Won who viii sup
ply der ocean IL some Won else VIII fur-
nish der ships.-Princeton Tiger.
Mother Cat lunch) Yes, darling,
these little sardines ara sometimes
eaten by the larger fish. Mabel (aged
5)-But mamma, how do they get the
cans open?
Teacher-Now, boys, here's a little
example in mental arithmetic How
old would a person be who was born
in 1875? Pupil-Please, teacher, was
1t man or a woman?
She Ito future son-in-law)-l may
tell you that, though my daughter ls'
well educated, she can not cook. He
That doesn't matter much, so long as
she doesn't try.-Philadelphla lnQulr-
| er.
Police Justice-Have you any way
of making living? Vagrant-l hev,
y'r Honor |. kin make brooms. 70
lice Justice-You can? Where did you
learn that trade? Vagrant-1 decline
t. answer, y'r Honor.
'sThey can't drive my wife into any
of these new-fangled, slim Jane sstyles
pf dressing Independent, eltxs,..
"Well. it amt so much that. She's
thirty-eight inches around the waist.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Mrs Gudethyng why did you have
to leave the army? Wayward Cuffdrop
well, you see, I was in the hospital
most of the time; the food was too
rich for me. was used to living In
a. boarding -house.-New York Globe.
i Mrs. Highsome--Why did you leave
YOUR last place? Applicant (for posi-
tion as cook To tell ye the honest
truth. ma'am, the mussus discharged
me. Mrs. Highsome you didn't
leave of your own accord. I'll take
you!
"I see that Jane Bleeker always
takes Charlie Brainard with her when
she drives her new motor-car. !,
thought she favored Clarence Green"
Eyes, put poor Clarence isn't any good
at pumping up tires. cleveland Plain
Dealer.
did you have pleasant time at
the picnic, Ronald? trust that you
remembered to fletcherize, and masti-
Gated each mouthful 100 tines
"Yes'm. an while l was chewln' my
first bite the other boys ct up all the
grub. Life.
Visitor-Who is that crazy man yelis
ing and struggling 50? Hospital At
tendant-He isn't crazy. That's Dr..
Sabre. the celebrated surgeon. They
brought him here yesterday, and the
doctors have just ordered an opera
tion.-Puck.
Irate Tailor (who has called fre-
ouently to collect, without success =
NV dear sir, wish you'd make some
definite arrangement with me, then.
The man-Why, surely-let's see--
we'll, suppose you call every Monday,
Bohemian.
"Ma, what are the folks in our
church gettin' up subscription fery'
ITO send our minister on vacation
to Europe this summer" Wont there
be no church services while he's gonef'
"No. dear" "Ma, l got $1.23 in MY
bank-can give t?"-Clevelafd
, Leader.
Nervous Passenger ION lake steamer)
1t must be terrible to think Of an
accident happening to the boat while
you are away down there in that hole.
Stoker-It's jist the other way, ma lam.
If the boat sinks won't have to 30
through more'n about half as much
water as you will fore git to the bot
tom o. the lake.
"well, Bobby, how do you like
churchY asked his father, as they
walked homeward from the sanctuary,
lto which Bobby had lust paid bis first