davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Deafness Cannot be Cured

by local applications. as they cannot reaet
the diseased portion of the ear. There II
BY constitutional remedies. Deafness 4,
caused by an indamed condition OF the mu
eous lining OF the Eustachian Tube. wher
this tube Is infamed you have a rumbltn,
sound or imperfect hearing. and when IL Il
entirely closed, Deafness Is the result, anC
unless the Inflammation can be taken oui
and this tube restored to its normal condi
ton. hearing Will be destroyed forever min,
eases out OF ten are caused BY Catarrh
which Ii nothing but an innamed condition
OF the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars FOL
any case Of Deafness (oaused by Catarrh)
that cannot be cured by Halls Catarri
Cure. Send for circulars, free.
Il. J. CHENEY a CO., Toledo, o.
Sold by Druggists, TIC.
Take Halrs Family Pills for consultation
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Flat Intimidation.

"Ef you don't put that bin through
as you promised to"-ran the letter
from the crossroads constituent.
you'd better not come back to the
county you wuz born an raised in, fer
you won't have no place to lay yer
head. an yer two mules an yer one
watermelon patch will be pizened. So
watch out what you are a-doin' Of
Atlanta Constitution.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

III were you" he said as they
started out TO dinner. I'D get me an
other washerwoman. That waist of
yours is very badly ironed. What's
the matter2- for suddenly he saw a
tear I'm the eye Of the impecunious girl.
Il ironed IL myself" said she.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Wonderful CHANCES.

Il shaved of my mustache the other
day and my wife didn't know me-"
That's nothing. My wife left of
her phony curls. switches, rats and
hair pads, and | didn't know her,
Detroit Free Press.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Cruel Woman.

MY wife is one OF the most incon.
siderate women in the world"
why do you think SO!
"She put net over the baby's bed
last night. and consequently the mos.
quitoes hardly gave me a chance to
get a wink OF sleep."-Browning' s
Magazine.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Last Hone.

Mistress-What Is that old paint
pot doing on the corner shelf, cook"
Cook--lt belongs TO man who
worked here four years ago.
Mistress-You can throw II out OF
the window.
Cook-Please not mistress. II Is all
have to remember him by.-Meggen-
dorfer Batter.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Engaged to that beautiful girl and
yet not happy1"
We'll. she's gone in by turns for
rowing and tennis and horses and
golf and dogs"
Say on"
Sometimes wonder IL I am a
sweetheart or merely a fad.
Vile Courier-Journal.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Whats the matterg You look aw-
fully white. Seasick7"
Nav. There's a girl down below
reading love letter aloud 10 another
girl Plain Dealer.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Not Risklna a Quarrel.

Heiress-Tell me truly. Arthur, is II
your love or your reason prompts you
to marry me?
Arthur-Just as you like. dearest
Meggendorfer Blaetter.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

tainly done me a
world of good and
/ cannot praise it
enough. / suffered
fromirregularities,
dizziness, nervous
ness. and a severe
female trouble.
iaE.Pinkham's
Vegetable Com
pound has restored
me to perfe ct
health and kept me
from the operating
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
MUNYON'S
Eminent Doctors at
Your Service Free
Not Penny 10 Pay for the Fullest
Medical Examination.

II you are In doubt as to the cause
OF your disease. mail us a postal TO
questing a medical examination blank.
Our doctors will carefully diagnose
your case. and II you can be cured
you will be told SO; 4 you annot be
cured you will be told so. You are
not obligated to us in any way. for
this advice is absolutely free. You are
at liberty TO take our advice or not,
as you see At.
Munyon's. SD and Jefferson streetS
Philadelphia. Pa.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Our Careless Speech.

Wife-The Hiltons invited US to
dine with them over the telephone.
Hub never dined over the tele
phone before. What do we eat-cur.
rents ?-Boston Transcript.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
Often Succeeds.

Iife's a somewhat twisted game.
Goodness knows.
When a play gets a bad name,
How IL goes,
Louisville Courier-Journal
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Constipation causes many serious
diseases. II is thoroughly cured by
Doctor Pierces Pleasant Pellets. One
a laxative, three for cathartic.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Life" remarked the optimist, is
one grand. sweet song"
Yes" rejoined the pessimist. but
there's always the anvil chorus. -
Chicago News
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

/ always hate to pick up shells.
Because one never knows
In bathing season when they might
Turn out TO be some toes.
New York Herald.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Some people would drown with a life
preserver at hand. They are the kind
that suffer from Rheumatism and Neural
ria when they can get Hamlins Wizard
Oil. the best OF all pain remedies.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
ccurtship Pointers.

when she SAYS the clocks correct
She is neutral, we suspect.
when she saws the clock Is fast
You are making time at last.
when she says the clock Is slow
You are done for. Better go.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
In the Future.

Knicker-Well, my dear?
Mrs. Knicker-Wipe your wings be-
fore you come in the house.-New
York Sun.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
His Guess.

Il got threatening letter today de
manding a sum OF money"
your wife at the seashore?"-
Houston Post.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Mistress-Bridget, | hope you're not
the sort OF girl who quits her Job?
Cook-No. mum; I'm regular De-
pewl-Puck.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Mrs winsiow's Soothing Syrup for children
s~ething s0ftens the gurrs reduces infau mstton.
sllsys pain cures wind collie Is cents eotfle-
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Using the creed as fence. cuts on
its usefulness as food.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

N ron wish beautiful. clear. white clothes.
use Red Cross Ball Blue. Large 2oL pack
age. 5 cents
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
In the Soup.

And still the cost Of living
Gets higher every day,
And the ultimate consumer
Is In the consomme.
Kansas City Times.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

The prejudiced do not even see one
side of truth
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Sitting on a guidebook 10 heaven
will not take you there.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Are Your Clothes Fadedf
Use Red Cross Ball Blue and make them
white again. Large 2oE- package, 8 centA
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
SAVED
FROMAN
OPERATION
RvJydiaE. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound

Huntsville. Ky. Lydia E. Pink
80 Vegetable Compound has cer-
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
ALIENS LUNG BAIsAx

should Always be In the medicine closet Of the moth
Whose children have Group. Its freedom from opiu
MAKES 10 IN ideal chtidrsas remedy.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
HOMES

UlMfA re r~cent extension Of the ". G. O.
"SHtLJ X K brings thousands 81 acres Of nne
De r.rt., ~, s3rernment land along this line on
n.fs $3.50. -ill u eol Innate. water. timber and
eot - eat stock, fruit grain and vel table,
ea,ir-is.t.s~ n NJ = and markets. Crops sure with
-, ~, rayE higa pfr.s e'se-hers- n Won ~ =.
tt Irss-. al rifnt you can take 40 acr-~ undsr
ard ~ ~. SIX Some stock rAnchs and decided
ssr.s,' y. Aers u. Q. DoDGE. IAN COW.
Oregon Ry.. RENO, NEVADA
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

Too many are unwilling Andrews
because they can not be Peters
The Saturday nights dissipation Of
ten accounts for the Sundays dreari-
ness.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05
COSTS ONE CENT.
BOOK ON CARONIC ptcEAccc

.y45 request On postal card secures copy
49,. y Page Illustrated book on Chronic Dis
h. ~ 'oa'ains useful informa tion regard
49,. 49, DIGESTION, causes and prevention OF
S,.as- diagnosis. Water Doctor, kidney
i-,- az AsS. bladder diseases gravel.
80. W. rheumatism. rec0nstructive
s-eai SYSTEMATIC poisons and reliable
\, 10y treat cases by letter. Write
-. oA aay this notice may not appear
20 ~ Address Or 4. Shafer. speciallst.
= earhee Place. Cincinnati. Ohio
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1909-11-05

When the Hammers Strike.

has substitute. No other remedy 10 % elective
rheamAtisrn. i1mhaso. Stiffness neurAlgiA Or cold
any sOrt. Put y > IN nc &c aud Sc bottles
Evening star., 1909-03-07

heart started a war upon the gentle crea-
ture known to the trade as the angel.
/ don't know why anybody should want
to uproot the angel industry. The angel
has certainly been a boon to musical
comedy in his day. I've known managers
that had Little Eva looking like Simon
Legree when it came to starting up In
the air and meeting an angel on the way.
But there's bound to be a lot of jealousy
in the producing business: and l imagine
that maybe some manager who d been out
angel hunting all fall and hadn't been
able to bag mess observed compatriot
returning from the chase with the tips of
wings and check books protrudfng from
his game bag. thus denotfng the presence
of one or more fallen angels. Naturally
this would be calculated to fill the soul
of the first fellow with envy. and the next
thing anybody knew there was a propo-
sition to make 1t closed season on that
class Of kind-hearted. easily touched
young men of the millionairing class, with
money in the bank But this onslaught.
may say, met with the silent rebuke which
it deserved. Without the first aid Of the
angel what would we do for so many of
tne SldTS tHdt SIllIlc Ou bIoduWdy, uOI W
mention so many of the shines that
star?
so that fell through, and now along
comes this inspiring crusade against the
saucy show and the ultra-saucy show. not
to mention the chili-saucy show. Well, so
far as I'm concerned. Larry, I could be
just as happy if they never had another
of those plays such as the careful father
Evening star., 1909-03-07

perspiration and the pulpit to pulp, try
ing to get a few editors and clergymen
to give 'em line Of desirable free adver-
tising by warning everybody to stay away
from their houses. And still 1t looked
as If the only way to help business would
be to let the ushers bring their wives.
so they got together. as 1 was saying,
and decided by unanimous vote that 1t
was high time to uplift the drama few
hurried lifts, and they're now engaged in
doing same, partly by spirited CAM
paign for the publication Of the stage and
partly by handing the opposition "a hearty
wallop on the point of the jaw every now
and then. Yes, sir, the movement is GER
tainly booming. And why shouldn't 1t
boom, l ask you? Hasn't 1t got as its
main champion and chief megaphone q
purity expert who qualified for the job a
few seasons back when he staged a pro-
duction that was taken from the French,
the French health department concurring,
with a lady star in it who had kiss that
was combination of an endurance tri1l
and rainy spell. This gentleman thinks
the day has come when we should return
to those peaceful, simple, homelike plays
such as our fathers once went to see once.
Well. I don't want you to think I'm
Of a suspicious nature, and far be it from
me to question any mans motives. but
I'll bet you a good cigar-if there are any
good cigars any more-that the gentleman
has a set of Blue Jeans props or Hazel
Kirke scenery packed away in some stor-
age warehouse somewhere.
THE crusade, young and lusty as 1t is,
has been going along like any young and
lusty crusade always goes along until 1t
gets puncture. And so there's the dick
ems and all to pay. 1t started out like a
good theatrical season, too. To begin
with, there was that new theater nearing
completion and rapidly reaching the point
where the three directors would get to-
gether and submit to each other three
systems for running 1t, at the rate Of one
separate and distinct system per directo..
You've heard of this New York theater,
of course, founded as place where
American native art and genius is to be
fostered, and scheduled. 1 understand, to
open with an English star. in a French
play, translated by German author and
Evening star., 1909-03-07

ed. But, on the other hand, there are
weighty opinions to the effect that Bram-
we'll has not the dominating individuality
for the job, and that when the general
passes from the theater of activity the
army will fall to pieces-or. if not, will
be kept going without a general"
AS If to combat the suggestion that
Gen. Booths demise. will wind up the
army concerted efforts are being made
throughout the world to demonstrate that
the organiza tion over which he presidcs
is permanent one, quite capable of sus-
tanning itself in full efficiency even after
the general has passed away The feel
ing OF uncertainty as to whether or not
the general will be with the army next
year has brought out the emotional side
of the birthday festivities. and they prom
ise TO be an event unique in the history
of the Salvation Army
1t has been arranged that several mon
ster meetings will be held in London
during the week in which April 10 falls.
and at a number of these the general
himself will preside. AS it might be the
last occasion on which many of his fol-
ing the general in his old-time role of
leader addressing his own ''f1ock.' these
meetings will attract Salvationists from
all over Europe. and it is expected that
even the army jubilee celebration of a
few years ago will be surpassed. AS
the separate army organiZa tions in the
twenty-five different countries where sal
vationlsm is definitely established number
S,35S. and comprise more than $4,000 Of
Evening star., 1909-03-07

he monentous OCCASION. tt not only
represents the fact that the general has
exceeded by a decade the biblical three
score years and ten but promises to
he almost a turning point in the fate of
the vast organization over which,. at
present. he exercises autocratic control.
In the thousands of army barracks and
outposts In various countries speculation
is rife as to Gen. Booths possible sue
cessor. for one thing is fairly certain:
the time is rapidly approaching when that
will have to be announced. Most people
ina gine that no one else but Bramwell
Booth, the generals eldest son and
present chief-of-staff of the army. can
succeed to the head of the organization
when the great moving spirit has depart
Evening star., 1909-03-07

room into a workshop. He has always
suffered from insomnia. and when not
able to sleep gets Up in the night and
works away at anything which has been
occupying his attention in the daytime.
Showing himself no Ieniency when It
comes to work, the general exercises
very little consideration for others. 1t is
only when physically worn ont himself
that he consents to rest. Though sleep
ing badly, the general is always an early
riser. and gets down to business almost
Immediately after his very plain break
fast. He is absteninous in eating. drinks
nothing but water. and wastes no time
over his choice of vIandS, limiting him
self to plain diet. He expects all those
around him TO follow his example. and
woe betide any salvationist whom he
catches taking things easy The gem
eral has never possessed a reputation for
consideration for those in his immediate
surroundings. and his recent Illness has
put his nervous temperament on a great
strain. He does not make any strenuous
effort to control his feelings, or to re-
frain from expressing his sentiments on
any subject on which he has an opinion
While it is true the general has never
been known to swear aloud. his biting
remarks and manner of giving orders are
about the next best thing to profanity
it is possible to imagine. and it might be
said that though the general does not
himself indulge in "cuss- words he is
the cause Of their liberal, If silent. en-
plOyment by others with whom he comes
in contact.
Under these peculiar circumstances his
officers who are trying TO arrange the
coming birthday celebrations are having
the time of their lives withs the genera.
Programs made for him one day are up
set the next, and the excitement of try
ing to steer him into docilty IS said to
be almost equal to that of tarpon fish
ing. The general issues mandates with
Il positive authority quite equal to any
thing which the Tsar of all the Russias
might give forth. Whatever he says in
the army goes without question or ar
gument of any kind. He is absolutely
ineXorable in these ukases. as has been
found out by members Of his own fanny
who expected that the general would
Evening star., 1909-03-07

ficers. this celebration will be an inter-
national one in every sense of the word.
Owing to the fact that the general was
recently operated upon for cataract. it
was supposed that he would not have
sufficiently recovered to attend these ex-
hausting functions in connection with his
birthday. But despite his infrmities and
years the aged leader still possesses an
immense fund of vitality. and exercises
his control over every detail of army
organization almost as vigorously as ever.
He has announced his belief that he will
yet live to be $50. and certainly personal
contact with him does not belle the pos
sibility.
The Star correspondent recently visited
Gen. Booth at his home. Rookstone.
at Hadley Wood. on the outskirts of Lon
DON and found him overwhelmed in busi-
ness. debating letters and orders to his
commanding officers, and scarcely per-
mitting himself moments rest. This
was only few days after his operation,
and he was keeping practically the same
hours which he had observed previous to
his illness.
He lives in a commodious but plainly
furnished home of the country man.
sion type. Everything about the place
bespeaks simplicity combined with a
somewhat rude comfort The general.
when working occupies a large back room
on the ground floor. with bay windows
overlooking sweep of green lawn. De-
spite his years his figure is erect. and
he gives the impression of being over six
feet in height. When in his study ne
works in a great al-enveloping dressing
gown of thick saffron-colored material,
and this garment also tends to add to
the impr9 9ssi0n of height.
Being accustomed to dOmineer over and
dictate to every one with whom he comes
in contact the generals manner is any
thing but plea asant. though when sitting
for his picture before the camera he is
an ideal subject. so far as immobility is
concerned. The general is such a tre-
mendous worker that he seems to regard
any time as lost which is not spent in
attending to affairs of the army. He
usually manages 10 keep two or three sec
retaries busy most of the time. Not
satisfied with working his full ten hours
per day he frequently converts his bed
Evening star., 1909-03-07

There's quite a number of that kind in
town, right now, against which a prudent
parent warns his offspring and then tele-
phones down to the box Office to know
when he can get couple of desirable
seats in section A, row !.
I'm easier to please, Larry. It's always
more or less of a shock to my sensbili-
ties when a manager departs from the
time-honored traditions Of the drama. l
like for my comic opera lead to wear
white flannel tenor singing trousers, and
chase the limelight over the stage, all
during his scenes, with one wirsome blue
eye fixed on the prima donna and the
other on the kid behind the calcium up in
the gallery. I want the chorus to be
dressed in red, white and blue tights at
the finish of the first act and line
up behind the cast waving the
Murikin flag as the curtain goes down.
because in common with so many or
my countrymen, including stage man
ayers. I believe 1t to be all wrong to
use the national emblem as a label on a
box of celuloid collars, but all right to
advertise q show with 1t. I like for my
villain to be addicted to white hair at the
temples and the cigarette habit, and to be
foiled every few minutes. II not oftener.
If he slaps a riding crop up against a
pair of calf boots at critical junctures
so much the better. I prefer for him not
to indulge in any psychic stunts or to
cook up any mesmeric messes when ne
might be better engaged in getting the
goil aboard the lugger; and I'd much
rather he'd be caught cracking a paper
mache safe at r. u. e. than stealing away
the hero's brains by hypnotic suggestion.
Anyway, it's only petty larceny to steal
the average stage heros brains. and per-
Evening star., 1909-03-07

sonally I prefer grim and sanguinarv
deeds taking place all over the premises
when 1 give up my good money for
show.
II want the low-comedy character II
rub his stomach with slow circular mo-
tion. denoting great internal enjoyment,
when he drinks the stolen whisky from
a property bottle containing cold tea, be
cause while I never saw man in real
life who did massage his abdomen when
he took drink, never saw good stage
comedian who didn't. Also when he gets
through he must smack his lips in a loud
comic manner IL he expects to get any
hearty laughs out of me. And the miss
ing papers must have large red seals on
'em when they finally turn up in the last
act | must positively insist upon the
red seals, with the long tapes and the
sealing wax dingues attached. Without
the red seals l refuse to accept them as
the missing papers under any circum-
stances.
$50 you can see from this that I natu-
rally deplore the current seasons output or
high-browed. subtle productions just Is
heartily as if i was a manager who hadn't
been able to pick "a winner off the garbage
dump; and l don't believe, honestly, tn At
I'll ever learn to care deeply for the new
thought play, where you don't know
what's coming next, but fear the worst,
and the problem play. where everybody
knows what's coming. but doesn't care
to talk about it,
"Wot's been the greatest problem play
~ "a vaaro'' asked the Hnuga Dpfpc.
tive.
Getting the public to cough up 81 fol
a seat" said the Hotel Clerk.
Evening star., 1909-03-07
Misunderstood Sympathy.

DAUL MORTON. at banquet of in
surance men, said of rival COM
pany:
They had our sympathy in their bad
luck. but they took our sympathy in III
part 1t was like the widow who called
on us the other day.
This widow called to collect small
policy due her on her husbands death.
Our clerk, as he counted out the money,
said. sympathetically:
~ am very sorry to hear Of your sad
misfortune, fna'a
"Well. that's just like you men!
snapped the widow. You're all the same
always sorry when poor woman gets
a chance at q little money"