The Washington times., 1909-04-10
CHAPTER I.

sew. but in a few moments 1 find my
self back at the window. gazing down
the street. hoping breathlessly that
each coming figure will be he. And
then always my heart sinks sickeningly
when the street lamp at the corner
shows 1t to be some passing stranger.
And yet how little difference it makes
whether he comes now or an hour
later! / feel that he is with her-that
he has been with her all evening. It
always brings that sickening weight
in my chest, and a trembling weak
ness like that of fright.
April 18th.
How much longer can bear this? If
only ] could go to some one for advice
or help-to be able to unburden it all!
But that is impossible. HOW can 1
confess to any one that for over a year
my husband has been infatuated with
another woman? 1t would only add to
my sense of degradation TO know that
any one shared my secret.
April Dist.
1 feel sure that he has not seen her
for several days. 1 am happier and
more hopeful than have been for
weeks.
April I'D:
At dinner he asked If I would not like
10 go to the theater. There was note
almost OF apology in his voice, as
though there had come to him a sud-
den realization of how rarely he had
taken me anywhere of late. But felt
that one of our old home even ngs
might bring us nearer than any toea-
ter. So after dinner he read to M as
he used to do. L have always loved
our library. the dark woodwork, the
soft rich colors of the hangings and
rugs. And tonight. as he sat beside the
shaded light, with the gas logs sending
pickering shadows over the room, had
some of the old feeling OF pride aud
security in my home. Surely no otker
woman could permanently come be-
tween my husband and his home. am
sure he has not seen her now for over
week. And yet am almost afraid to
hope.
April 18th.
He was with her again last night. He
said he was detained at q stockholders
meeting. But / know know! What
shall I dor Have I the strength 70
bear it2
april 9th.
Nv worst fears are verified Oh.
Horace, Horace. how can you degrade
ing with another woman's perfume7
What have l ever done that must bear
such humiliation? And 1 must bear il
IN silence-I must pretend TO be blind
once he knows that I know I would
have to leave him. If there is In me
any vestige Of womanly pride 1 could
not continue to live with him and
tacitly consent to be daily diShonored.
And have not the courage to leave
nim-to face life alone Before that
thought my mind covers in sickening
fear.
II was almost dawn this morning
when. after a sleepless night. l went
into the bathroom for some broml0e-
The door that led into his room was
partIy open. 1 could see that ne was
asleep. h;s face turned from me, one
arm thrown over his head. His coat
hung on a chair near by. The desire 10
touch it. to breathe in the faint ira
GRANGE OF cigars that / knew II would
hold, to comfort my poor starved soul
with at least this semblance Of nearness
TO him, made me stoop over. hft the
coat from the chair and bury foy race
against Il. And then! Oh. the sicken-
ing knowledge that came TO me then!
From the arm and shoulder OF the
q
tie ana vet Enthusiastically a perfume.
He had held her in his arnsl On
the shoulder where her head had rested
was the odor most perceptible. 1t was
true. then I held In my hands the
proof of his unfaith1uiness. I never
realized before how much l mad hoped
against hope; how in spite OF all evil
dence I had chung TO the hope unat
might be wrong-that it might be only
friendship. But now
April 18th.
Sometimes I feel that I would have
suffered less IL he had died.
April 10th.
In what way have I failed him? What
can this other woman give that I can
not7 7 have gone back over the fifteen
years Of our marriage. What is lacking
in me that have not held the love OF
my husband?
May 1st
II is a perfect spring morning. The
soft air blows inward the white curtains
n my bedroom, bringing in the noises Of
spring from the street.-The peddler's cry
OF fresh fruits and vegetables" the
tlrkle Of a distant hand-Organ. and the
shriu cries OF children. From some
wnele come the sound Of hammering
and the smell OF palnt-a suggestion OF
building familiar note Of spring: one
can almost breathe in the Odor Of newly
cut lumber. The sunlight Is dazzling,
and the tree before our house Is a
flctter with chirring sparrows. Every
thing seems teeming with the Possi-
bllities Of life-ney ufe. And yet how
old and worn and faded 1 feel in all
this fresh spring brightness! 1 can IN
derstand now how spring can be the
saddest season Of the year for those
who are old and hopeless. II is the sea-
son OF youth. OF hope, OF expectancy.
And II belong to the fall, with it's
fading. whitening leaves. ] am flied
with bitterness and rebellion. 1 want TO |
slut IL all out-all the sunlight and joy !
II I could. ] would make II a dark, /
bleak day in fall-the fall that is sym
bolic Of decay, the whitening and dying /
Of all things.
May 3D.
II I could feel that she was some |
ordinary woman Of the chorus-girl type, |
CEnn 49, Ma